Many people — mostly women — would call me a whore. If loving sex makes you a whore, then I'm a total ho. If using your body to make a buck makes you a whore, then hell, I guess I was just born to be wild.
I do what I want when I want and quite frankly, I could care less what people have to say. I didn't care what my mama had to say about the matter, neither, but that's another story.
The way I see it, everybody's got something they like to do. Something they're good at. I'm a firm believer that people should do what they love for a living. I'm good at sex. That's why I became a dancer.
A stripper, if you want to get technical. I take my clothes off for horny men.
I'd never do anything freaky like have sex for money, but I see nothing wrong with the art of seduction, of performing for men while wearing no clothes.
Of course, it helps that the pay's fantastic.
At least it was. Because I'm no longer employed. A little over two weeks ago, I quit my job. It was total drama, and to make a long story short, for one of the few times in my life, I thought I was in love. With the manager at the club where I worked. Until I found out he was screwing another dancer behind my back.
I had no choice but to quit after that.
I was ripe for an escape, which is what my sister provided when she needed to head to Costa Rica. Only Annelise has taken care of her business and is now back in Atlanta.
Me — I met someone. So I decided to stick around.
And not just anyone. A hot-blooded native Costa Rican who could be my Mr. Right.
I know, I shouldn't be thinking about getting serious so soon after Reed broke my heart, but you know what they say — that you find love when you're not looking for it. Annelise said she figured I'd be home in ten days max, but it's now day twelve and I'm still loving being in Costa Rica.
Still loving spending time with Miguel.
He's six feet tall, about a hundred and eighty pounds, has a magnificent bronze-colored body, and black hair long enough for me to grip while we're making love. He's not the most well-endowed guy I've ever been with, but the bonus is he's able to stay hard for an amazing amount of time.
And he's sweet. He really is. He's made me realize that there are more important things in life than a nine-inch cock.
Quite frankly, I'm feeling really positive about where things are going between us. Even though I haven't known him long, I love everything about him. I'm being cautious, though. Taking things slowly. Miguel invited me to stay at his place, but I declined. Instead, I kept my room at the Los Sueóos Marriott, which is a slice of paradise if ever there was one. I'd rather stay at the resort, spend time with Miguel here on my terms, and see how things pan out. As good as I feel about him, I don't want to go to his place where no one would ever find me on the off chance the guy turns out to be some psychotic creep.
But so far, he's not a creep. In fact, he's far more romantic and considerate than any American guy I've ever dated. And he turns me on something awful.
When I hear a knock at my door, heat pools between my thighs. Just like that, I'm ready for another night of passion. It's shortly after six, and I know it's Miguel. Every day, after he finishes his work at the real estate office on the lower level of this gorgeous property, he heads to my room and we immediately get naked.
"Coming," I call. I smile smugly as I strut toward the door. I can hardly wait to see Miguel's face when I open it. I'm wearing these clear plastic pumps with four-inch heels, ones guys always flip over when I'm dancing.
Those and nothing else.
I saunter to the door, ease it open a crack and grin, and seeing no one behind Miguel, I swing the door open fully.
"Mios Dios," he exclaims, his eyes widening. I've learned that that means "Oh my God." Then Miguel rushes forward, slipping into the room and closing the door behind him.
"Samera, you are crazy!" He's smiling as he says the words, and then he surprises me by pulling a bouquet of white and red roses from behind his back.
I can't help squealing in delight. Trust me, I'm not a squealer — except in bed. But Miguel has been spoiling me, treating me in a way I'm just not accustomed to.
"Crazy for you," I tell him, and wrap my arms around his neck. I give him a deep kiss, then take the flowers and drop them on the table near the window. I'll deal with putting them in water later.
Right now, I want to deal with Miguel.
He's got this look of amazement on his face as I spin to face him, because I did this exaggerated bending over movement as I put the flowers down, giving him a view of the back of my crotch. And I realize in that instant what it is that so turns me on about him.
He's into me. Totally into me. It's like every time he's with me, he's experiencing the joy of being with a woman for the first time.
It's a powerful and special feeling.
I play with my nipples as I approach him again, pulling and tweaking them into hard tips. "Did you miss me?" I ask.
"Miss you? Every moment of the day I could not stop thinking of you. Could not stop thinking of this."
He reaches for me and groans in pleasure as his hand covers my breast. Then he lowers his head and takes my nipple into his mouth, hungrily suckling it the way he knows that I like.
"Mmm…" I moan, slipping my fingers into his hair.
Miguel's lips move lower, down my torso where he dips his tongue into my belly button. He goes onto his knees and grabs hold of my hips. My body tenses with sweet anticipation, knowing what is going to come next.
"Mamasita," he murmurs, then whispers something in Spanish that I don't understand. His hot breath on my pussy makes me wet.
And when Miguel's tongue touches my clit, I sigh with utter delight.
He licks me. Sucks me. Buries his face in my pussy and eats me until I scream.
"Oh, Miguel…don't stop, baby. Don't stop!"
The phone rings then, instantly pulling me out of the moment. I whimper as I look down at Miguel.
Who the fuck would be calling me here?
The answer hits me a moment later.
My sister.
Now I hurry to answer the phone, hoping everything is okay with Annelise. I grab the receiver and say breathlessly, "Annie?"
There's a pause. Then, "Babe."
My stomach lurches at the sound of the low, deep voice.
The voice I recognize as belonging to my ex-boyfriend, Reed.
Ohmigodohmigod!
How can this be happening? How can Reed McLeod be on the other end of my line?
I never told the son of a bitch where I was going for exactly this reason. I didn't want to hear his voice ever again.
"Aw, babe," Reed says. "Thank God I found you."
My heart flutters a little, in a way that pisses me off. I'm not supposed to care one way or the other about Reed, anymore. I don't want to be angry or hurt; I just want to be over him.
I throw a quick glance over my shoulder at Miguel, who is now unbuttoning his shirt.
"Are you there?" Reed asks.
"What do you want?" I snap.
"Do you have to ask?"
"Obviously."
"I want to talk, babe. Make things right between us."
I roll my eyes. "Like that's gonna happen."
"Why are you whispering?" Reed asks me. "Is someone there with you?"
"That is none of your business." Facing Miguel, I hold a finger in the air to tell him I'll be a minute.
"Okay, okay," Reed says quickly. "I get it. You're down there screwing some guy's brains out."
"None of your —"
"I understand," he interjects. "That's exactly what I deserve. I'm not gonna hold it against you."
"Excuse me?" I whisper angrily. I glance in Miguel's direction, see him heading into the bathroom. Either he's got to use the toilet, or he's giving me some privacy. Regardless, I'm grateful.
"I'm just saying," Reed goes on, "I forgive you."
"Fuck you, Reed."
"Wait, wait. Don't hang up. I'm kinda nervous, okay? Not saying the right things. Give a guy a break, all right?"
I frown but don't say anything. Part of me wonders why I'm even still listening to Reed at all.
"What I called to tell you is that I miss you, Samera." Reed's voice softens. "I'm going crazy here without you. Not to mention all my customers who miss you."
"So this is about business?"
"Hell, no. This isn't about business. It's about us." He pauses briefly. "I know I'm the one who messed up. But I want another chance. You were the best thing that ever happened to me."
"That's priceless," I hiss. "And what about —" I force myself to shut the hell up. I want to give Reed a piece of my mind, but now is not the time.
"I know you're pissed, and you have every right to be."
"You think?" I can't help retorting. Then I draw in a breath to calm my nerves. "How did you find me?"
"I heard about your sister being down in Costa Rica. I figured you were probably there, too. I've been calling every single hotel. My long distance bill's gonna be huge."
"You wouldn't have had to do that if you hadn't —" I stop short of completing my statement, but Reed's not a moron. Just an asshole. He knows damn well what I was going to say.
"You're gonna be mad at me forever?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"You telling me you don't think about how great we were? That guy who's there with you — is his tongue anywhere as skilled as mine?"
Fuck. I do not want to go there again. I don't want to think about Reed's amazing nine-inch penis nor the amazing things he can do with his tongue. I've put the prick behind me.
I look toward the bathroom door. Miguel is still inside. If he's hearing any of my end of the conversation, I can only imagine what he's thinking.
"Look, I gotta go."
"Wait," Reed says. "I want to tell you something. Something…important. I know I never said this before, but babe, I love you —"
I hang up the phone. I don't know what else to do.
To my surprise, my hands are shaking.
I can't believe Reed had the nerve to track me down in Costa Rica.
Fucking asshole.
"Is everything all right?"
I whirl around at the sound of Miguel's voice. He's looking at me with concern.
"Yeah," I lie. "Everything's fine."
Slowly, I walk toward him and place my hands on his chest. "Now, where were we?"
Miguel covers my hands with his. "I'm not so sure you are fine, Samera."
"Of course I am."
"On the phone — was that your old boyfriend?"
There's no point lying. "Yeah, but I hate him, okay. You don't have to worry about him."
Miguel stares deeply into my eyes, like he's trying to read what I'm feeling in my soul.
"Forget about him. Our relationship is over. You're the only one I want."
To convince Miguel of my words, I cover his mouth with mine, tangle my fingers in his hair, and kiss him until we're both breathless. Then I undo his pants, reach for his cock, and coax him into an erect state.
"I love how hard you get," I purr into his ear. This is what I do best. Charm men. Make them forget about their problems. "Baby, I want to taste you. Take you deep in my mouth…"
Miguel shudders as I suck on his tongue, emulating what I'd like to do to his penis. I give him a forceful push that lands him exactly where I want him — on the bed. I grab at his pants and tug them off, then climb on top of him. I waste no time taking his testicles into one hand. I fondle them and watch as Miguel's eyes flutter shut.
His reaction makes me feel powerful.
Special.
Fuck Reed.
"How much do you want me?" I ask. "How badly?"
Miguel opens his eyes, reaches for my head and slips his fingers into my long, blond hair. "Very much, princessa."
I lower my head and lave his testicles with a slow, hot brush of my tongue.
"Mios Dios…"
I run my tongue up the length of his shaft, and when I get to the tip, I tease it with little flicks. Miguel is breathing heavily and murmuring words I don't understand.
But man, they turn me on.
Keeping my eyes on his face, I take him completely into my mouth. Up and down I move my lips while I pump his cock with my hand.
"Mmm, baby. Come in my mouth. I want to taste you."
Miguel makes this growling sound, and I think he's about to come. Instead, he tugs on my hair and urges me forward. He kisses me deeply before reaching for his penis and guiding it to my vagina.
He enters me with a hard, fast thrust. And then I ride him. Ride him like he's a wild stallion.
I don't want to think. I just want to feel. Feel nothing but carnal pleasure.
I moan and writhe against him, but I don't feel that sweet, building pressure.
Miguel rubs a finger over my clit, trying to get me off, but oh my God I can't come.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Reed's words sound in my mind. "I love you."
Fuck you, Reed, I think.
And then I fake my orgasm.
"I have a surprise for you," Miguel tells me later that night, after we've made love a couple more times.
I snuggle my body close to his. "You do?"
He nods. "Yes. Tomorrow, I will take you somewhere special. Somewhere special for my princessa."
I love when Miguel calls me his "princessa." I ease onto an elbow as I look at him, wondering where he wants to take me. We've already been to all the hot clubs on Jaco Beach, where we not only danced, but fondled each other when no one was looking.
"Tomorrow?" I ask. "After you finish work?"
"No, we must leave early. I am taking you on a trip to see another part of the country. I do not have to work tomorrow, nor the next day. So we are going away."
"Ooooh. I like the sound of that. Where?"
"In Guanacaste province. Far from here. But it is beautiful, I assure you."
"A Zip Line excursion!" I say excitedly. I saw brochures at the front desk advertising the tours, which involve jumping from platform to platform across the rainforest canopy. Maybe there's one in another part of the country that is better than the ones around here?
"Oh, much better than that."
"You won't tell me?"
He merely eyes me and smiles.
"Okay. Now you've got me all excited. It's got to be a tour. Or maybe a day cruise?"
Miguel links hands with mine and brushes his lips over my knuckles. "We will leave early in the morning. Will you be ready for six o'clock?"
"Absolutely. And we'll be gone for two days?"
"Yes."
This sounds like exactly what I need — a romantic trip with Miguel, away from the Marriott where my phone could ring any moment with Reed on the other end of the line. Even though we had sex two more times since Reed's unexpected call, I wasn't able to reach climax.
Hearing Reed's voice put me on edge.
So yeah, I need to get out of here.
"Maybe when we return," Miguel begins, "we can talk about how much longer you will be staying in Costa Rica."
"Yeah. Sure." It's something I haven't been thinking about, because I've been living in the moment. Though in the back of my mind I know I'm going to have to head back to my life in Atlanta. At the very least, I'm going to have to try and find another job. I still have rent to pay, and my savings won't last forever.
"Maybe I can go to America with you," Miguel suggests. "I love America."
"You've been?"
"Once. To Houston."
Why Houston, I want to ask, but instead I smile softly at him and stroke his face. I'm not entirely comfortable talking about America right now. I don't feel like talking about the "tomorrow" of our relationship. I'd rather deal with the "right now."
"About tomorrow," I say. "What do I need to bring?"
"Some clothes, of course. A bathing suit. And maybe those shoes I like."
I throw my head back and laugh. There's something about my hooker heels that makes guys go crazy. "Trust me, Miguel, I always bring those shoes."
I thought the Los Sueóos Marriott Resort had to be the most beautiful place on earth — until I stepped foot on the property of the Tabacón Hot Springs Resort and Spa.
I know immediately that this place is going to be unlike any spot I've seen before, or ever will see again.
I grip Miguel's arm as we step into the building, which is near the base of an active volcano from what he told me as he parked the car. "This is beautiful!" I exclaim, looking around in wonder. "It's like heaven on earth."
The mountainside is lush and tropical, much like the rest of Costa Rica. And trust me, I saw plenty of it during the four and a half hours it took Miguel to get us here. The distance isn't actually all that far in terms of miles, it's the winding roads into the mountains that make the trip so long.
"Are you ready for a drink?" Miguel asks me. "Or would you like us to check in?"
I slip my arms around his waist and lean forward to kiss his chin. "I'm ready to head to the room."
"Princessa." I hear a rumbling sound in his chest. "I have never met another woman like you."
"I hope not."
Miguel takes my hand and leads me to the left, where the front desk is. The woman behind the counter gives me a quick once-over — and I recognize the sneer in her gaze even if she offers us a smile. I guess she doesn't like my white dress, reminiscent of the one Marilyn Monroe wore in that famous shot of her. It hugs my curves like a second layer of skin, and shows off my ample cleavage.
I flash the hotel clerk a syrupy grin. I'm used to women looking at me the way she just did. I take it all with a grain of salt.
"Our thermo pools are world renowned," the clerk explains, "and the hot spring is naturally warm."
"I've been here before," Miguel tells the woman.
"I see." She gives us some brochures with the spa information, then our room key and directions how to get there.
"We are only going to our room to change," he tells me. "I want to take you to the hot springs because they are magnificent."
I playfully swat his butt. "Don't you trust me to keep my hands off you?"
"No!" Miguel laughs.
We get to our room, which is beautiful in its simplicity, and change into our swimsuits. Mine is a two-piece gold thong, which gets a low whistle from Miguel. He has the body of a god in his black Speedo, something I've noticed guys are comfortable wearing in this part of the world.
"We'd better go," I tell him. "Before I think of something else we can do to pass the time."
Miguel gives me a knowing look, then ushers me out of the room. He leads me outside and I am awed by the stunning beauty of the place. Vibrant, leafy plants line the rock path that winds through the hot springs area, as well as an array of tropical flowers. There's a waterfall that cascades from the mountainside. Steam rises from the pools of water below, and I have to say, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
When we reach the base of one area of the waterfall, Miguel kicks off his sandals and says, "Come. I promise, you will love this."
I throw off my wrap, slip out of my thong sandals, and follow Miguel into the water.
I moan happily as the heat envelopes my body. "I can't believe it's this hot," I say. I know he told me it was a hot spring, but I didn't realize the water would actually feel this warm — naturally. "It's like a Jacuzzi tub."
"It is my favorite place in Costa Rica."
"I can see why." I immerse my body completely, enjoying the feeling of heat on my skin. When I come up for air, I move toward Miguel.
"Que bonita," he says and pulls me into his arms. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"You're so sweet."
"I tell the truth. No other woman I have ever met is as beautiful as you."
I run my hands through Miguel's thick, black hair. "No?"
"No."
And then I think — though I can't be one-hundred-percent sure — that I hear Miguel whisper that he loves me in Spanish.
Love?
He can't love me — can he?
I don't know why, but the thought bothers me.
Or rather, bothers me now.
Because I don't think it would have bothered me had I heard Miguel utter those words before Reed called me and said the very same thing.
Obviously, Miguel did not just say that he loved me. And even if he did, I know he doesn't mean it the way it sounded. People often utter words of love in passionate situations, but that doesn't mean a thing.
I trail a finger down the length of Miguel's chest. Forget what I think I heard, I want to concentrate on the here and now. The here and now is about sensual pleasure, and I don't want thoughts of love ruining that.
"Baby, you're so hot," I whisper in Miguel's ear before I cover his mouth with mine. For several heated moments, my tongue tangles with his. The steam rises off the water around us, and I know I have to make love to Miguel in this amazing place.
I take his hands and guide them to my breasts.
Miguel pulls back to look at me, his eyes lighting up. He knows exactly what's on my mind.
"Samera…?"
I glance over both of my shoulders. No one is within our immediate vicinity. There are various people scattered around in different sections of the hot springs, but Miguel and I have our own little alcove.
We have privacy.
I immerse my body in the steamy water again, and this time wriggle out of my thong. I pull it out of the water and twirl it around a finger.
Miguel laughs. "Crazy woman!"
I toss the thong at Miguel and he catches it.
"It's your turn," I tell him. "Trust me, the water feels great on your naked skin."
Now, Miguel is the one to look around.
"No one will see your butt under water," I point out. "Besides, no one's close enough to see what we're doing. And we're surrounded by bushes."
"You are crazy."
"I know." I dive under the water and grope around for his Speedo. I slide it down his legs, then emerge victorious with it in my hand.
"Doesn't that feel better?" I ask.
Miguel shakes his head as he stares at me, a smirk dancing on his lips. I take my swimsuit from him and toss both of ours onto the rocky ledge beside us. Then I turn to him and boldly slip my bikini straps off of my shoulders.
I stroke my nipples and ask, "Wanna fuck?"
God, I love it when Miguel groans. It truly makes me feel like he's completely mesmerized by me.
Reed made me feel that way, too — for a while. He used to shower me with gifts and make me feel like the most special girl in the world.
I push the unwelcome thought of Reed out of my mind and boldly wade over to Miguel. I make no effort to hide my body, figuring no one's going to be rude enough to stare even if they catch a glimpse of skin.
I just know I have to have Miguel. Right here, right now.
"I love it when you suck on my nipples." I dip my hands into the hot springs and pour water over my breasts. "I want you to taste them, baby." I arch my back and close my eyes. "Please."
"Mios Dios, Samera…"
For a moment, I'm not sure what Miguel is going to do. I only know that I feel an incredible rush of sensual power. I want to have this beautiful man right here in the middle of paradise.
Me and Miguel — one with nature, and each other.
Mewling softly, I continue to stroke my nipples. I don't open my eyes. I want the moment when he touches me to be a surprise.
I start when I feel his hands skim the fullness of my breasts. He strokes my skin, moving his fingers closer to my nipples with each touch. And when his mouth closes over one of my nipples, Reed is the last thing on my mind.
"Ooh. Oh, baby."
Miguel suckles my nipple slowly, lovingly. It's like every time he touches me, he is worshipping my body. He plays with my other nipple, running his finger over it. Back and forth, back and forth. And when he takes that nipple deep into his mouth, I can't help crying out in pleasure.
I slip a hand between my legs and stroke my nub. The hot water only adds to my pleasure.
"Don't stop, Miguel. Make me come…"
Miguel doesn't stop. He tortures me with the carnal pleasure of his tongue like we're the only two people in the world. I finger myself while Miguel runs his tongue over my taut peaks, and soon my knees start to tremble.
"Oh, baby. Baby, I'm coming…"
I shatter into a million pieces. Miguel kisses me as I ride the wave of my orgasm.
Then I bury my face in his neck and whimper, holding him close and savoring my orgasmic release.
Running his fingers through my hair, Miguel murmurs words in Spanish. I love how it sounds, even if I can't understand a word.
Now, I want to please him. I'd love to get down and dirty with him in a sixty-nine position, but this is not the place. We'll do that when we have the total privacy our room offers us.
The sound of laughter gets my attention, and I quickly look over my shoulder as I lower my body in the water. A man and woman barely throw a glance our way as they walk arm-in-arm past us on the lane.
I wrap my arms around Miguel's neck, then my legs around his ass. His penis is hard against me. Ready.
"Put it in," I whisper.
Miguel teases the tip of his cock over my clit before entering my pussy with a blinding thrust. I cling to him, getting a secret thrill out of fucking in a public place.
I squeeze my inner walls around Miguel's shaft. He moves in and out of me slowly, and man, it feels so good.
I hold him tight, my breasts pressed against the hard wall of his chest. The water making our bodies buoyant, Miguel moves a few feet to the left until we hit the wall and the edge of one of the cascading waterfalls. His cock is still inside me the entire time, thrusting in and out.
My butt nestles on a little ledge in the rocky wall, and as warm water sprays us, Miguel really picks up speed. Soon his body tenses, then he kisses me as he comes. I tighten my legs and dig my fingernails into his back.
"Princessa, princessa…Mios Dios…"
As his wave of passion subsides, we smile at each other like lovesick fools. Then Miguel makes a sudden move to his right, taking us under the direct stream of the waterfall.
We laugh as we pull apart.
"Aw, princessa." Miguel kisses my forehead. "Are you happy?"
"Of course I'm happy."
"I'm happy, too," he tells me. He glances around and gestures to the picturesque nature. "Everything is perfect."
I frame his face. "I know."
"That's why I want to tell you what's in my heart. In my favorite place in the world."
Miguel pauses, and my heart starts to pound as I fear what he's going to say. "Miguel —"
He puts a finger over my lips to silence me. "Samera, my beautiful princessa. I have fallen in love with you."
Miguel loves me.
It's all I can think about for the rest of the evening, while we eat lobster and drink wine over dim, romantic candlelight.
He loves me.
I fiddle with the stem of my wineglass, glancing around the restaurant at all the other happy couples. The restaurant we're in boasts floor-to-ceiling windows and faces the mountainside, allowing guests a view of the Arenal Volcano's peak. It's absolutely stunning at night, and I'm sharing this experience with a man who loves me.
I should be over the moon with bliss. This should be the highlight of my two-week affair with him.
So why am I not happy?
One simple sentence, but God, it has changed everything. I didn't realize how the word "love" could mess a person up.
For one thing, there's going to be pressure the next time we have sex. Because I'll be thinking about the fact that he's not just fucking a woman he likes, but a woman he's in love with.
Maybe he'll even use the L-word again — and, of course, he'll expect me to say it back.
Earlier, I dodged that bullet by pulling him under the waterfall and kissing him, something I'd done because I'd been at a loss for words. I can only imagine Miguel took that as proof that I feel the same way about him.
Now, in this clearly romantic setting, the "love" word hangs between us like a barbed-wire barrier.
At least for me.
"Tell me about your family," Miguel says. "Your life in America."
Not that I'm ashamed of what I do, but I didn't bother to mention to Miguel that I've worked most of my adult life as a stripper. I figure that's not something he needs to know.
"I work in entertainment," I answer honestly, leaving out the specific details. "It pays the rent." I finish the last of my white wine. "What about you? Do you like working in real estate?"
"Oh, yes. I always see people when they are happy. Most people come to Costa Rica simply to visit, fall in love with the area, then decide to purchase property here."
"It's good that you love what you do."
"I love not only that."
Fuck. Why'd I have to mention the L-word?
I reach for the wine bottle, but find it empty. Before I can say I'd like another glass, Miguel summons the waiter, who swiftly comes over to our table.
"More wine," Miguel tells the man. "No, wait. Make it champagne." He beams at the waiter. "Tonight, we are celebrating."
He turns his warm gaze on me, smiling like we just got engaged.
And I feel like shit.
Miguel and the waiter exchange words in Spanish. I hear the waiter say "bonita" — and I'm sure he's commenting on how beautiful he thinks I am. At least that's what I assume, given the brazen look of lust in his eyes.
When the waiter is gone, Miguel reaches for my hands across the table. "You know what I am thinking?"
I shake my head. But of course, I have a pretty good idea.
"I am wondering, what did I do right that God has sent you into my life."
I smile politely, but don't tell him about my doubts that God had anything to do with what we've been doing for the past couple weeks. My mother is what I call a religious freak — everything is God this, fire and brimstone that. Growing up with her extreme beliefs has pretty much left me feeling confused about the whole God issue.
Miguel keeps smiling, so much so that I can't take it. Here he is, a wonderful guy, and I can't deal with the fact that he loves me. He's exactly the kind of guy I need — one who is faithful (with the amount of time he's been spending with me, it's clear he doesn't have another woman somewhere), and one who adores me.
Honestly, what more could a woman want?
But I'm suddenly thinking about all my failed relationships, all the times I got involved with a guy and had so much hope. Not one of those relationships amounted to anything significant.
And if I'm entirely honest, I can't blame the guys for all of it. I got bored, too. After the sex got stale.
And I've got trust issues up the wazoo. How could you not when your father took off when you were a toddler, and then your stepfather lusted after your teenage body like he'd never seen young flesh before? I had no clue what love was when I fell into bed with him, but I certainly learned the extent of my mother's wrath.
"I want my family to meet you," Miguel tells me. "Maybe this weekend."
"Oh, I don't know about that."
"Why not? They will love you just as much as I do."
My God, things are suddenly moving at warp speed. Meet his family? I can't deal with that kind of pressure.
"My mother makes the best roast pork in Costa Rica," Miguel goes on. "She will be so happy to know that I've met a woman like you."
A woman like me… "Miguel, I'm not…" I fumble for the right thing to say. "I'm hardly perfect."
"You are perfect to me."
"I'm nowhere near perfect."
"I understand this. Princessa, I see in your eyes that you have had a hard life. This is why God has sent you to me. It is my time to show you joy. And love."
Miguel's words leave me breathless. How the hell does he know the struggles I've had just by looking in my eyes?
I have to admit, I'm feeling a little freaked out. Like Miguel is too friggin' perfect. Understanding and hot and great in bed.
Part of me wants to run to the nearest church and marry the man.
But another part…another part can't stop thinking of Reed.
"I know I'm the one who messed up. But I want another chance. You were the best thing that ever happened to me."
There. I've admitted to myself the real conflict in my heart.
Reed totally fucked me over, and yet I'm thinking about what he told me on the phone and wondering if I should give him another chance.
"Princessa, what are you thinking?"
"I'm sorry. Will you excuse me for a moment?" I push my chair back and stand. "I need to go to the restroom."
"Sure."
I walk briskly out of the restaurant, turning once to glance at Miguel. He's watching me, of course.
Smiling.
I don't know why I feel the need to do this, but instead of going to the restroom, I head to the lobby and a payphone. Using my credit card, I make a call to my cell phone to check my messages.
"You have fifteen new messages," an automated voice tells me.
My heart lifts with a hope I shouldn't feel.
The first message plays. "Samera, it's Reed. Aw, babe. I'm so sorry. I was a total, complete ass. And I was drunk, too. I know that's not an excuse for cheating, but if you forgive me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
I actually grin at that message — and I know I'm in deep shit.
"Sam, it's me, Reed again. Where are you? I was hoping to hear back from you. Call me, please."
"Samera, I really miss you. Call me, okay."
"Okay, now I'm worried. I know you're pissed, but at least get back to me so I know that you're all right. I'd hate to think that something awful happened to you."
Of the fifteen messages, fourteen are from Reed. One is from my sister, who comments that she's surprised I'm still in Costa Rica.
"Maybe it is love," she adds with a chuckle. "If so, I'm really happy that things are working out for you and Miguel. He's a hottie!"
I close my eyes and sigh. "Oh, Annie. Damn, I could use your advice right now."
Though I know exactly what she'd say — that I shouldn't trust Reed as far as I can throw him.
And I know she's right.
If only my heart knew it, too.
Reed is all I can think about as Miguel drives me back to the Marriott the next day.
After dinner the night before, we made love again, but I just went through the motions. My heart wasn't in it.
And I'm starting to feel that Miguel is sensing something's wrong.
He told me again that he was in love with me, and I lay there like a moron. I stared at him and said nothing.
Bless him, he didn't ask me outright how I felt. But I know it's on his mind.
For the majority of our drive back to Jaco Beach, I sleep or pretend to be sleeping. Miguel holds my hand much of the time, which only makes me feel worse for wondering if I should indeed give Reed another chance.
"What are you doing tonight?" Miguel asks me as he pulls up in front of the Marriott.
It's shortly after five, and the sun is shining. I'm thinking I'd like to head to the beach and finally work on my tan.
But I don't tell Miguel that. Instead I say, "I'm tired."
What I really am is confused. Where I was once excited about the prospect of a future with Miguel, I'm now thinking we ought to cool things down. He's in love with me — or so he thinks — and I'm just not ready for that.
Let's face it — I'm on the rebound. Funny how I can finally admit that to myself.
Miguel takes my hand, and instead of holding it gently like he did while we were driving, he ups the ante by sucking the tip of one of my fingers in what is obviously an attempt to seduce me.
"Maybe we can both sleep for a little while. Then…" His voice trails off, his sexual suggestion clear.
"Not today," I say softly. "Not only am I tired, I'm…sore. You know — we've had so much sex. My body needs a rest."
"Then we will only sleep."
When Miguel doesn't release my hand, I pretend like I've got an itch and pull it away. "And I feel a migraine coming on."
"A what?" Miguel's eyes register confusion.
"A headache. You know." I point to my head.
"Ah. Si."
"Yeah. So, I think I'd better go to sleep."
Disappointment streaks across Miguel's face, even though he nods. "Yes. Get some rest."
I give Miguel a quick peck on the cheek. "Let's talk tomorrow, okay? But right now, you should spend time with your friends. Your family."
Miguel seems so…sad. Like he feels I'm rejecting him.
"Call me in the morning," I add. "Or drop by. I'll be here."
Before Miguel can say a word — and because I feel bad enough as it is — I secure my bags in my hand and ease out of the car.
Miguel blows me a kiss. "Hasta luego, princessa."
I force a smile. "Yes, see you soon."
"Sleep well."
As Miguel drives off in his Toyota, I feel a pang of regret. But I do need to put some distance between us. Get some perspective on what I'm feeling.
I make my way to my room, where the light is flashing on the phone. I immediately drop my overnight bag and purse and hurry to snatch up the receiver. The next second, I punch in the code to check my messages.
Reed's deep voice fills my ear.
"Babe, it's me again. It was great hearing your voice. I want you to know, I meant what I said. I love you. I need you. Hopefully, you're on your way home."
Groaning, I delete the message. "Fucking asshole, Reed. Why'd you have to choose now to decide that you love me?"
But I know I need to talk to him. I call his home number. It rings until the answering machine picks up, but I don't leave a message. Then I try his cell and also get no answer. And when I call the club, he's not there.
And now, instead of being happy that Reed loves me, insecurity brews deep in my gut. Who's he with, what's he doing, is he screwing someone else?
I just sent Miguel away, a guy I know will be thinking of me all night. Can I really say the same for Reed?
Cussing, I shove myself off the bed and charge to my suitcase in the corner near the window. I need to get out of this room. Forget about Reed and Miguel for the next few hours and simply relax.
Since I got here, I've hardly taken the time to enjoy the place. Now, I decide to head down to the pool, which is the most impressive one I've ever seen, and maybe swim some laps or drink an apple martini at the poolside bar.
This time, I opt for a scarlet red bikini, one that is sexy as hell. It's not a thong, but barely covers much more than one. The top conceals my nipples, but not much else. What can I say? When you've worked as a stripper, you don't have a problem showing off your body.
I do slip into one of the robes provided in the room. I'll discard it when I'm ready to head into the water.
A few minutes later, I'm downstairs. I hear music, and rhythmic clapping, and scan the large pool area until I see what's going on. Young men and women dressed in cute costumes are singing and dancing as they traverse the outer area of the pool. The pool has several sections to it, complete with archways and a waterfall, and surrounded by leafy foliage.
I shake my body to the beat and head in the direction of the dancers. There's a bar in that area — a plus since I definitely want a drink.
Women cling a little tighter to their men as they see me stroll by. I ignore them and head to the bar, where I strip out of my robe — everyone be damned.
"Holy," someone says.
"Like those are real," a woman scoffs.
Again, I pretend to be oblivious to the attention I'm getting, though part of me wants to turn around and tell the woman if she's so envious of my boobs, she can buy herself a pair like I did.
But I don't. I'm here to relax.
"I'll have an apple martini," I tell the bartender, who eyes me up and down like I'm a giant lollipop.
"Si, senorita. One apple martini coming right up."
"It's on me," a guy says.
I face the man, an average-looking guy in his fifties sitting a couple stools away, and offer a friendly smile. "Thanks, but I got it."
Then I turn back to the bartender, hoping this guy gets the hint that I'm not interested.
Behind me, someone whistles. I can't help thinking that maybe I should have stayed in my room.
"I know I've seen you naked, but holy shit, you're gorgeous."
My stomach flutters. Oh my God…
I whip my head around with lightning speed.
And see Reed's smiling face.
"Reed!" I exclaim. I stop short of leaping into his arms. "My God. W-what are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" he asks.
I throw my gaze around the bar and surrounding pool area, like I expect to see Miguel hanging out, watching us. "You came all the way here for me?"
"You got my messages, didn't you?"
"Yeah. And I called you back." Ah — no wonder I couldn't reach him at any of his numbers! "When did you get here?"
"Yesterday. Morning."
"You're kidding." He must have arrived shortly after I left.
"No. And I've been looking for you ever since. They told me at the front desk that you hadn't checked out, so I stuck around. I figured you'd show up at the pool sooner or later."
"You've definitely gotten a tan." Reed's tall, with sandy-brown hair, and incredibly cute. His body isn't as well honed as Miguel's, but he's got a penis that makes up for any of his shortcomings.
"I've got a tan because I've been hanging by the pool since yesterday, waiting for you to show up."
"Why didn't you say something?" I ask him. "Tell me you were planning to head down here?"
"Because I wanted to surprise you, babe." He grins widely and scoops me into his arms. "Surprised?"
"Totally."
Reed gives me a deep, passionate kiss — the kind that's tacky in a bar full of strangers.
"Senorita, your apple martini."
"Oh. Right." I step away from Reed and back to the bar. Reed hands the bartender a ten before I can sign my room number on the receipt.
"Thanks," I tell him.
Reed's eyes roam my body slowly. "Damn, babe. You look incredible." He leans close and whispers in my ear, "You've got me as hard as a fucking tire iron. Wanna skip this joint?"
"Actually, I was hoping to work on my tan."
"Oh. All right, then. Let's find a spot."
I place my drink on the bar so I can slip my robe on, but Reed takes the robe out of my hand. "Naw, leave it off. You've got an amazing body. Show it off, babe."
Whatever. I'll only have to take it off when we find lounge chairs, anyway.
Reed secures a possessive arm around me as we walk out of the bar area. We catch the tail end of the singers and dancers before they disappear on a path that leads toward the hotel.
"There are a couple chairs over there." Reed points in the direction of the grassy area beyond the pool, leading toward the beach.
"Fine with me," I tell him.
We settle ourselves in the chairs, and Reed asks if I have any sunscreen. I tell him I have some in my bag, and he digs it out.
"Lie on your stomach."
I take a gulp of my apple martini, spread my robe over the chair like a towel, then settle onto my stomach. Moments later, Reed is massaging my body with slick lotion, moving his hands expertly over my shoulder blades and down my back.
"How does that feel?" he asks.
"Mmm," I moan.
Reed's hands move lower, to my butt. He kneads my flesh slowly now, using his fingertips to tease my skin.
I feel him pulling the back of my bikini out of the way, and he runs a finger along the crack of my ass. "And how does that feel?"
My body is starting to get warm — and not from the sun. "You know it feels great."
Reed gets bolder, slipping his finger farther south until it skims my pussy. "Fuck, babe. Are you wet?"
My vulva pulses. "Maybe."
"You're gonna torture me out here where you know I can't touch you."
"You're touching me now."
Reed slips a finger into my vagina, and instinctively I moan. He holds it there, moving it around inside me, while his other hand massages more lotion onto my back.
"God, I want to fuck you right now." He thrusts his finger deeper, wriggles it around more urgently. "I want to take this bathing suit off you and suck on your clit till you're screaming my name."
"Reed…" I say his name on a moan, because I'm getting hot, and my body is succumbing to carnal desire.
"I'll do it. Just say the word, and I'll do it."
And then Reed lowers his head to my butt and bites on my flesh. I gasp, whirl around. Reed's gaze is so hot, it sears my skin.
Slowly, he puts the finger that was inside me into his mouth and tastes my essence.
Two young guys whistle as they stroll past us. It must be the color red that gets everyone hot and bothered.
"She's got a sweet ass, doesn't she?" Reed asks them.
"Reed!" I exclaim.
"You do," he tells me. "And I want to fuck you so badly, Sam, I'm about to come in my pants."
"Do you really love me?" I ask him. I need to know before we head upstairs. Sex is great, but love is what I want from him.
"You think I came all this way to find you because I'm not in love with you?"
"Where's your room?" I ask him. So much for getting sun. I'm ready to get naked. And wild.
"Seventh floor."
"Then let's go to mine. It's closer."
The moment I close my room door behind me, I pull the tie on the back of my bikini and let the top fall away from my breasts. Then I waste no time pulling off the bottoms and stepping out of them.
"Oh, fuck," Reed groans. He pushes his swim trunks down and grips his rock-hard cock. "I've missed you. Missed your beautiful tits, your sweet pussy. You are fucking amazing."
I slip my arms around Reed's neck and plant my lips on his. We neck for several seconds, my hands moving over his penis and his fingers massaging my nub.
He scoops me into his arms without notice and carries me to the bed. There, he lies on his back and pulls me onto him.
"Sit on my face," he says gruffly.
My body trembles as I move over him, adjusting my pussy so that it's atop his face. And then I moan long and loud when Reed sucks on my clit.
"Oh, Reed…"
He spreads my lips and devours my clit. The friction from his hot tongue is more than I can stand. And when Reed's tongue enters my vagina, I'm lost.
I arch my back, squeeze my nipples, and scream with pleasure as the sweetest of orgasms swallows me whole.
Reed's tongue doesn't relent. Neither do his fingers. And before I know it, the pressure is building inside me, like a string being pulled that's ready to break.
"I can't get enough of this," Reed rasps. "Can't get enough of you."
Then he suckles me softly, and the gentleness of it is so erotically blissful that it strips me bare. The last of my control is ripped away and my body explodes with a release more powerful than the first one.
"Reed! Oh my God…oh, baby!"
I cry, that's how intense my orgasm is.
How intense my feelings are for this man.
Later, my body is completely sated. And I am exhausted beyond exhausted. Our lovemaking was so frenzied and passionate that Reed and I collapsed when we were finished and didn't move a muscle. That was at least two hours ago, and still I don't want to move.
All I can think is wow. That was the most explosive fucking Reed and I have ever experienced together, and we've had some pretty hot encounters.
I sigh softly, thinking that this must be what sex feels like when you're in love.
"Hey." Reed speaks softly in the darkness of the room.
"Hey, yourself."
"Don't tell me you're ready for more."
"Are you kidding me? I'm not sure I can ever move again!"
Reed chuckles at that. Then he stretches past me to glance at the clock.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"One-fourteen. I should probably get up. And you, too."
"Get up? Reed, I want to sleep for the next two days!"
"Well, that'd be nice, but we can sleep on the plane."
"On the plane?"
"Yeah. I booked us on an eleven o'clock flight out of San Jose. It'll take at least two hours to get to the airport, and we both have to pack."
"Wait a second." I sit up. "What do you mean you booked us on a flight? When? We haven't been out of bed since we got in this room."
"I booked it when you were sleeping."
"Without asking me?"
"Yeah," Reed says nonchalantly. "What's the big deal?"
I pause for a moment, wondering exactly why I feel irked. But I realize it's about control. Reed feeling he can make decisions for me and I'll just jump whenever he tells me to.
"The big deal, Reed, is that you didn't even discuss it with me. You have no clue what my plans are, if I've got…got excursions booked."
"Cancel them. I'll give you the money."
I turn on the light and stare at Reed angrily. "Are you hearing what I'm saying?"
"I told you I loved you. What more do you want?"
What more do I want? Wow.
Instantly, I think of Miguel. Miguel would never use the word love like a weapon, or worse, as a way to control.
I find myself asking, "If you love me, why did you fuck Leanne?"
"Oh, don't start. We just spent an incredible evening together, and you want to ruin it by bringing up Leanne?"
"I wouldn't have to bring her up if you didn't fuck her!"
"Yeah well, I did. You're either gonna get over it, or you're gonna whine about it for the rest of your life. Can we just move past this?"
I cross my arms over my chest. "Oh. So I'm the one with the problem, then. Not you and your wandering fucking dick."
"You hear me whining about the guy you've been down here with?"
"You know what?" I shake my head with disgust. "You're an asshole. I think you said you loved me just because you wanted me back, because you hate to lose. You always have to be in control. But you don't know what the word love means."
Reed jumps off the bed. "I don't need this shit."
"Then get out of here already."
"Chill, bitch. I'm going."
Bitch?
I roar with anger as I hop off the bed. I grab Reed's tote and throw it toward the door. What I really want to do is smash something over his head.
"Get out, Reed. Get out, get out, get out!"
Hurriedly, he slips his bathing trunks on, then charges out of the room. I collapse against the door, barely suppressing the scream bubbling in my throat.
I can't believe I was so stupid.
Inside my chest, it feels like someone has chopped my heart into little pieces. To think I believed Reed when he said he loved me. To think I let him have the privilege of touching my body again when I should have learned my lesson the first time.
But at least Reed has made it easy. Easy to put him behind me once and for all.
The next morning, my head feels like it's about to split open when the phone beside my bed rings. A quick glance at the clock tells me it's shortly after ten. I don't want to answer it, but I have a feeling it's Miguel, so I grope around for the phone.
"Hello?" My voice is faint. Hoarse.
"Buenos dias, princessa."
A soft sigh falls from my lips. "Miguel."
"How are you this morning? You do not sound so well."
"I could be better," I admit.
"Maybe I can call you later."
My eyelids flutter shut. "No. I mean, I was hoping…maybe you could come see me now? If you're not busy."
"I am never too busy for you."
Nerves knot my stomach as I hang up the phone. I want to see Miguel, but I'm also afraid to.
I head to the shower, where I wake my body up with a blast of cold water. I'm dressed and waiting only ten minutes before there's a soft knock at my door.
Inhaling a deep breath, I make my way to answer it. I hesitate before I open it, not sure I have the guts to do this.
It would be so much easier to simply disappear, return to America, but Miguel deserves better.
His face lights up when he sees me. "Ah, princessa." He steps into the room and sweeps me into his arms.
"Miguel." This hurts, dammit. Hurts to even think what I'm about to say.
I'm sure Miguel senses it, because his smile falters a little. "You're leaving." It's a statement, not a question.
I nod.
"Because of your former lover?"
"No. Well…no. That's over." I blow out a ragged breath. "Miguel, I adore you. But I can't be what you need right now."
"You are everything I need."
I sigh.
"Stay with me, Samera. Make a life with me. I promise, you will be happy."
The thing is, I believe him — which makes this all the more painful. I hate to do this to Miguel, break his heart. Because unlike Reed, I do believe Miguel's feelings for me are real — even if I don't deserve them.
"I wish it were that easy," I say softly.
"I know you have your secrets. But I do not care about them."
Easy for him to say. What would he think if I told him that not even twelve hours ago, I was riding another man's cock like he was the last man I'd ever make love to?
No, Miguel deserves better than a woman who is conflicted over her feelings. He deserves a woman who will worship him the way he worships her.
Me — I have some growing up to do. I always fall hard and fast and don't think about the long-term. Then I get bored.
I can't do that to Miguel.
I place my hands on his cheeks. "You have so much love to give. You need someone who's ready to love you in return. I thought I was, but…I'm confused. I need to figure out what I really want in life."
Maybe that sounds lame, but it's the best I have to offer. I don't want to lie to Miguel. After all we've been through, I at least owe him the truth.
"When will you leave?" Miguel asks sadly.
"Tomorrow." If I can book a flight.
"I see."
I want to tell him that we can spend the day together, do something fun before I leave this idyllic place. But I think it's best to make a clean break, not make things any harder than they already are.
"You know what would make me happy?" Miguel says suddenly.
"Please, Miguel. I've made my —"
"If you would stay in touch. Call me sometime. Let me know how you are doing."
Not what I expected him to say, but he's been surprising me since the beginning.
I say, "I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Princessa. We have been so close these past couple weeks. At least we can be friends."
Miguel is absolutely right. We spent two weeks fucking each other's brains out. I'm not going to be an ass and pretend it was completely meaningless.
"Of course."
"Do you need a ride to the airport?"
"Thanks, but I'll be okay."
"Yes." Miguel offers me a smile. "You will be."
Miguel takes me into his arms and kisses me so tenderly, tears well up in my eyes.
I want to love this guy. I want to so desperately. What is holding me back?
But I know. Miguel is one of the good guys, and he deserves a woman who will love him as though he's the most special person on the face of the planet. A woman who won't hurt him.
Right now, that's not me.
Maybe one day, I can be that person. When I've gotten my life together and I'm ready to love with every fiber of my being.
I hope for that. Because Miguel is the marrying kind.
But for now, I will take the incredible memories of our time together and cherish them forever.
The End