Megalodon Lives

By

Flash Rex

November 10, 1992

The House Committee opened the first day of hearings without the usual public bickering that characterizes most such public spectacles.  It is rare that both parties could nearly unanimously agree on anything let alone hearings on a series of incidents that rocked the nation's largest city and its suburbs the previous summer.  Months and the Presidential Election had passed since the events occurred and the public was still clamoring for information and some sort of resolution.  The United States House of Representatives decided to attempt just that.

After some preliminary procedural steps, including the swearing in of the first witness, Congressman Carin was ready to begin.  "I understand Mr. Fleming is eager to lead off these hearings.  The distinguished gentleman of course represents the great state in which the events in question occurred and I yield to the gentleman from New York at this time."

"Thank you sir."  Congressman Fleming cleared his throat.  "The people of New York and the entire country demand to know what went on in New York from late May until early July."  Fleming turned and gestured to one of his aides.  "Before we begin discussing these events with the witness, I would like to enter into the record the witness's journal including all entries from May 29th up to and including the Fourth of July.  These entries provide us with an invaluable inside look into the events in question and provide a day by day account of the events."

"Without objection, so ordered," Congressman Carin declared.

"I object!"  Joseph Bolding stood behind the large table and faced the senatorial semicircle.  Many of the Congressmen and women giggled, followed by outright laughter from the packed gallery.

"You can't object, you're the witness."

"This is outrageous.  I am an attorney and those documents in my diary are my thoughts and impressions of the events and the situation as they affected my client.  Therefore, by definition they are privileged as attorney's work product.  Many of the excerpts are also protected under the attorney - client privilege."

Mr. Carin interrupted, "Mr. Bolding.  This isn't a TV show."  The Congressman paused for some laughter.  When it subsided, he continued,  "In fact the proceedings today constitute merely a fact-finding endeavor on the part of the United States House of Representatives.  Neither you nor anyone else is facing any sort of action as a result of these purely informational hearings."

"Besides, Mr. Bolding, we've already fought all these battles before and you lost them all.  You cannot and will not be allowed to delay the exposure of the truth to the American People.  Surely they are entitled to it!  The journal is in and I urge everyone to read it!  Now let's get on with it!"

May 23, 1992

My 25th birthday and another scorcher.  The bank clock in town said it was 103 but officially the news said it only got to 99.  Mom said it was this hot on the day I was born.  Katie and I went over to Mom's and Dad's for a cookout.  Mercifully the only gifts I got were cards filled with checks and cash.  No returns necessary this year.  We had a good time.  Unfortunately, I suggested we (Katie and I) head over to the Aquarium for the season opening party that Mr. Burns was throwing.

The Saturday of Memorial Day weekend was the official opening day of the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  Mr. Burns wasn't happy with the first year's results but he was lucky that there were any results at all.  Putting an aquarium in a sleepy suburb of New York City like Pearl River was the idea of a lunatic or a genius.  In the year that I've been associated with Mr. Burns, I know that he could be a lunatic one moment and a genius the next.  It remains to be seen which state he was in when he conceived the idea behind this aquarium.

I joined my family and some 15,000 of our neighbors at the Grand Opening a year ago today.  Virtually the entire town showed up because Burns decided residents of the town would get in free the first day.  It was a nice gesture and a shrewd move on Mr. Burns' part.  A vocal minority of the town fought tooth and nail against "Burns' Folly".  I missed most of the years of whining and complaining while I was away at school but my father regularly sent newspaper articles with the best quotes highlighted for my enjoyment.  It was the same big mouths and busy bodies that bitched about everything that ever changed or threatened to change in our town.  It was the same people who fought and lost the Great Fried Chicken Franchise invasion in the early '80's.  The same people who later loaded their cars up with buckets of extra crispy, extra skin poultry.  The same group that we saw scurry through the turnstiles free one year ago.

Even though Burns won the battle to establish the aquarium, keeping it open has and will continue to be a constant struggle.  Daily commuters built Pearl River and the surrounding towns to New York City.  These middle class people fled the City to raise their families.  They returned to the City not out of nostalgia but out of necessity.  Like it or not New York City has remained the economic engine for this entire region.  The daily commute, as unpleasant as it can be, serves as a buffer between the City and the home life.  To many, the Aquarium is an encroachment of the City into our neighborhood.

The City attracts tourists.  The suburbs are home.  The Aquarium is supposed to be a tourist magnet.  The Aquarium is in Pearl River.  A Pearl River resident who wanted to see something interesting went to the City.  Now there was something interesting in Pearl River that outsiders would come to see (or so Mr. Burns hoped).  Pearl River did have some experience with visiting crowds.  The annual St. Patrick's Day Parade was the second largest in the country behind only New York's (according to hearsay and rumors, but I wouldn't doubt it).  The parade has it all - public drunkenness, littering, traffic - but it's only once a year and by now it's a tradition.  The large Irish population doesn't hurt either.

The town also has Fourth of July fireworks and that draws quite a crowd.  The crowds for the fireworks are much smaller now because other towns have started having their own fireworks.  No one can be anti - Fourth of July fireworks, can they?

The Aquarium can't really be compared to the Parade and the Fireworks though because the Aquarium is a permanent fixture and not an annual event.  Pearl River's only experience with a permanent drawing card is a strip of bars right in the business district.  While every town may have its bars, Pearl River's was caught in a relatively unique position a few years ago.  New Jersey changed its drinking age to 21 a couple of years before New York.  Pearl River, situated right on the New York/New Jersey border, became a popular hangout for drunken Jersey kids.  Locals started referring to the strip as "Dodge City" because of the rowdiness.  The perception was that outsiders came to our little town and violated it.  People don't call it "Dodge City" anymore even though it is probably as rowdy now as ever.  Might it have something to do with the fact that our neighbors are now the rowdy rascals?  Draw your own conclusions.

So while Burn's only faced a little local opposition, he had virtually no local support.  Burns' only true supporters were his will and his wallet.  While that may been trouble for some, for Burns, it was all he needed - for a start at least.

I don't know where Burns made his initial money.  Whether he earned it himself or inherited it, I have no idea.  He's never mentioned anything about a family.  He is originally from Texas and that leads me to believe he had some dealings in the oil business.  But, one day I was driving with Mr. Burns and I pulled into a Citgo to get gas.  Mr. Burns told me to keep going or I would be fired.  As we passed the gas station he rolled down his window and flipped the station the bird.

I learned early on that Burns loved a smartass as long as you were on his wavelength.  It's good for me that I'm on his wavelength.  Burns hates butt kissers and incompetents.  He'll put up with mistakes as long as he could see himself making the same one.  Burns loves sharp and creative thinkers.  He puts common sense above all else including actual experience or knowledge.  Zaller and Grimshaw never figured Burns out.

Grimshaw and Zaller are both smart guys but each is missing something and Burns knew it.  Grimshaw went to law school in California and worked in the City for one of the big firms for a few years before starting his own firm.  How he was able to accomplish each of those  feats without a lick of common sense is beyond me.

I first met Grimshaw one year ago at the opening of the aquarium. Jimmy and I were pushing and elbowing each other good-naturedly on our way out of the Aquarium.  Mom, Dad, and Katie were all laughing about  something my father said.  He was telling a story about how my brother Jimmy and I would pretend to get into a fistfight and shock our busybody neighbors.  We would stage a fight scene out of a Rocky movie.  The horrified neighbors would call my parents.  My parents would come out and find us laughing without a scratch on us.

That story gave me an idea.  Jimmy and I were coming upon a small set of stairs leading down to the parking lot.  The stairs were small enough that there were no railings.  I saw a group of important looking men in business suits coming towards us from the parking lot.

"Jimmy, why don't you pretend to fall down the stairs in front of these guys and we'll see if they do anything?"  I was always more of the idea guy than the actual actor.

"How hurt should I be?"

"A lot of pain but no permanent damage.  I don't want them calling for paramedics.  All right?"

"Why am I doing it anyway?"

"You have to do it because you're still a kid.  If I do it they'll have me committed."

"So what are you going to do while I'm making an ass out of myself on the grass?"

Since I had graduated from Wake Forest University School of Law less than a week earlier, my decision was clear.  "I'll be your shocked and outraged attorney."

With that, Jimmy fell off the stairs onto the grass, grabbed his right ankle and cried out.  "My God!" I yelled, like I had just witnessed an assassination.  The men in suits were still ten yards away when they looked up to see my brother rolling around on the grass in obvious agony.  One of the men didn't have a bewildered look in his eyes.  This one looked annoyed, and he was the first one to reach us.

"What's going on here?" He demanded.  A smaller man stepped in front of the annoyed man.

"Mr. Burns, let me handle this.  I'm Rod Grimshaw, Mr. Burns' attorney." Jimmy rolled over with his back to Grimshaw.  Jimmy was still holding his ankle and trying not to laugh.  Jimmy's not a current events specialist and he didn't realize who Mr. Burns was, but the rest of us did.  I didn't think the situation was so funny anymore.  I nearly started to tell Burns and Grimshaw that we were only kidding, but I didn't.

"Perhaps you could explain why these dangerous stairs have no rails or banisters."

"'Dangerous'?  There's only three steps."  Grimshaw made a sweeping gesture with his right hand.  "There is no danger here."

"Then why is my brother lying on the grass in pain?  This is the first day you're open and already the customers are sprawled out, injured on the lawn.  These stairs are a hazard, pure and simple.  The failure to install a railing here constitutes an outrageous degree of negligence on your part!"

"You sound like a lawyer."  Grimshaw commented sarcastically.

"I am a lawyer," I lied,” and so is my father (true) and my sister (false)."  I gestured to my family, who were standing and watching.  Even Jimmy eased up on his act and was paying attention.

Grimshaw became more serious.  "Perhaps we could resolve this situation here and now."  Burns turned and looked at Grimshaw.

"Well I guess that all depends, doesn't it?" I shrugged.

"Would your brother feel better with a free pass?"  Grimshaw looked at Jimmy like he was a ten year old rather than a college freshman.  "It would be good for the entire season."

"He'd probably feel better if my whole family got free passes."

Burns shook his head as he interrupted.  He put his arm around my shoulder.  "May we have a word in private?"

"Sure," I shrugged again.

He steered me past Jimmy, who was still on the grass.  "You can get up now,” he said to Jimmy, loud enough for everyone to hear.  Jimmy smiled and stood up, brushing himself off.

"It's a miracle," I smiled, but I felt a dread coming over me like I was about to be scolded in front of my classmates.

Once we were out of earshot of the rest of the group, we stopped and Burns asked, "Are you really a lawyer?"

"Not yet.  Look Mr. Burns we were just kidding around.  I didn't realize it was you.  We're sorry."

"What do you mean, 'not yet'?"

"Well I just graduated from Wake Forest University School of Law two weeks ago.  I won't take the bar exam for another six weeks."

“Are you from here? Pearl River?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You know the town?”

“Yes I do.”

"Do you have a job?"

"No."

"How long until you find out whether you passed?"

"I'll find out in November."

"When you pass the bar, give me a call.  I want you to work for me."

"I may regret asking but why would you want me?  You don't even know my name."

"You’ve got balls and you’re from this town.  I could use someone with those two qualities to help me get this disaster off the ground," Burns gestured to the Aquarium.  "Of course, I don't care what your name is until you pass the bar."

When I learned I passed the bar, I called Mr. Burns and he hired me as an advisor.  Burns basically just wanted me to offer my opinions whenever he asked.  I advised him on everything from legal questions to Pearl River's residents to the concerns of "young people."  Before I assumed the role of advisor, Burns relied on Grimshaw.  Grimshaw was a brilliant attorney - on Burns' tax situation - but Grimshaw's expertise was limited to taxes.  Grimshaw saved Burns millions of dollars, but his ideas couldn't generate a nickel.  Under Grimshaw, the Aquarium was able to sustain itself but just barely.  The long term plan was to make the Aquarium a year round attraction to support a hotel that Burns planned on an adjacent vacant property.  I suspected the only interest in the Aquarium in its first year was curiosity.  Unfortunately, curiosity only drew people in once.  The Aquarium was dull.  People lost interest as the summer ran its course.  Even Burns' harshest critics stopped bashing his ludicrous 'suburban aquarium.'  No one was interested in Burns' Folly.

The main problem was the exhibits.  When starting the Aquarium, Burns went out and got the best marine biologist he could, Marcel Zaller.  Zaller knows everything about marine animals, but he has a flaw that I figured Burns would find fatal.  Zaller is the most negative, pessimistic person I have ever met.  We can't do this.  We can't do that.  Burns ignores Zaller most of the time, but I assume he'd replace Zaller in a second if he could find someone who knew more than Zaller.

Zaller's favorite exhibit is the Emperor penguin habitat.  He spent a few weeks in Antarctica years ago living with the penguins.  Penguin Island was the aquarium's most popular attraction last year, which is not a good sign.  Burns has reached the point where he loathes the damn penguins.  The problem is money.  While the penguins draw some customers, they consume a huge portion of the aquarium's budget.  There are only twenty or so penguins and they don't eat that much.  What they do have is a health care plan that humans would kill for.  Zaller has spent shocking amounts of money on treatment for sick penguins.  Now I can't tell a sick penguin from a healthy one (or a healthy penguin from a dead penguin for that matter) but Zaller has spent so much time with them and their wild brothers and sisters, he takes medical action whenever one has a cold or whatever the penguin equivalent is.

Burns told Zaller to cut back on the penguin pharmacy.  Zaller was of course outraged, but he cut down on the drugs.  Zaller said he would concentrate more on the preventative side, which sounded good to Burns.  It sounded good to Burns until Zaller's prevention methods nearly doubled the energy consumption of the Aquarium.  Zaller lowered the temperature in Penguin Island so that the temperature remained more Antarctica-like. Basically, the air conditioner was on twenty-four hours a day.  Of course, constant operation of the air conditioner also increased the maintenance costs.  Things may reach a head this week with the temperatures in the upper-nineties.  I think Burns would rather set the penguins free in the Hudson River than pay all this money for them.  Zaller would probably jump in with them and lead them to Antarctica.

I wasn't all that crazy about going to today's season opening party.  When we pulled into the parking lot I realized that no one else was all that crazy about showing up for the season opening either.  It looked more like an average day from last summer than the new beginning it was supposed to be.  Why would people show up today?  It's the same crappy Aquarium that was here last year.

Grimshaw was the first to greet Katie and I.  "Burns isn't happy and he wants to see us in his office.  Now."

"You know, it feels like a party here today."  Katie shook her head and walked out towards the exhibits.

"Maybe they're throwing a surprise party in there for me!"  I called after her but she didn't react so I followed that weasel Grimshaw to Burns' office.  Well, there was no surprise for me but Burns did wish me a happy birthday.  Zaller and Grimshaw mumbled similar sentiments.  I could feel the love in the room.  As usual, Burns sat behind his desk while the three of us sat in the three chairs across from him.

"Does anyone see anything wrong today?"  Burns began.  I looked at the other two who had their heads down.  I raised my hand.  "Yes, Mr. Bolding."

"We have no customers."

"Very good.  Now why are there no customers?  Mr. Grimshaw perhaps you could tell us."

"Well today is very hot and a lot of people..."  Burns cut off Grimshaw's blabbering.           "It's going to be hot all summer!  Are you telling me we won't have any customers all summer?"

"No, it's just that..."

"I don't want to hear it.  We need a solution and we need it now.  Any ideas Zaller?"  Zaller didn't respond but he looked like he was really thinking hard now.  "I guess not.  Maybe if you asked the penguins if they had a solution we'd make some progress!"

Ouch, I nearly laughed out loud.  I felt like I was trying to prevent a laugh in church.  But Burns was angry and he was looking at me.  I composed myself enough to blurt out, "We need a big drawing card."

"Like what?"  Burns stood up to pace behind his desk.

Zaller jumped in, "How about a killer whale and dolphin show?"

"Yeah, those are popular all over the world!"  Grimshaw chimed in.

"Where would we put it?  I don't want to have to construct an arena for this."  Burns didn't like the idea.

"We could move the sand tigers from the main tank and put them in an auxiliary tank.  If we put the killer whales and dolphins in the main tank, we could just set up some bleachers in the Shark Pavilion.  That could put off new construction for awhile."  Zaller thought he had all the answers.

"You just don't get it, do you Zaller?"  Burns was annoyed now.  "First you spend a fortune on those black and white excrement machines on Penguin Island and now you think we'll just build a stadium for some show."  Burns pointed out the window.  "Look out the window, Zaller.  What do you see?"

"I can see the whole Aquarium."

"There, you've got it now!  That's it!  That's the whole Aquarium!  Nothing more is going to be added or built until we make some money with what is already here!  I'm not flushing any more of my money into this toilet.  From now on this place lives or dies on its own!  I've had it."

It was my turn.  No Aquarium means no job for me.  No job for me means no money.  No money means I'll have to move back home with Mom and Dad.  "A killer whale and dolphin show makes no sense.  Every place else has one of those shows.  Everybody on Earth has seen those shows before.  Everybody is sick and tired of the same stupid jumping sea mammal show.  Those kinds of shows suck!"  OOPS, they were staring at me now.

"You've got a better idea?"  Grimshaw asked.

"We need a quick fix.  This place has to start making money fast.  We don't have the time or the resources to put into developing a killer whale show.  We'd have to get a killer whale.  We'd have to buy one because if we caught one we'd be vilified throughout the free world.  Making the entire free world hate you is not good for business.  Agreed?  Besides its probably illegal to catch a wild one nowadays."

"So we buy one and ..."  Grimshaw wouldn't drop it.

"We buy one and what, teach it to jump through hoops?  Who's going to train it, Grimshaw, you?  You saw Free Willy twice and now you're Aquaman!  We would have to hire another entire staff to start and maintain a show."  Burns was nodding as I spoke and I fed off his apparent approval.  "We need an attraction that we can just throw in a tank and feed once in a while.  Something like that, we'll have to catch ourselves because no one would willingly part with a gold mine like that."

Burns stepped in, "I assume you have this attraction already in mind?"

"Yeah, I do.  A Great White Shark."

Zaller sat back and rolled his eyes, "That's preposterous and impossible."

"Sure it is Zaller."

"Why do you say that, Zaller?"  Burns sat back down.

"Its never been done before," Zaller answered, "at least, not successfully."

I had to regain control of my idea.  "I’m aware of at least one relatively successful one, a live Great White has only been held in captivity for three days or so out in California."

"What happened to the shark?"  Burns looked interested but skeptical.

"They decided to release it after it had difficulty adjusting.  The shark was relatively small, about seven feet or so long.  The shark did okay for a couple of days but later it would stop swimming around its tank at the same point.  Apparently there was some electrical activity in that area of the tank where the saltwater came in contact with a metal beam.  I don't recall what the precise term is.  This electrical impulse, or whatever, put stress on the shark which eventually caused it to stop eating.  If they didn't release it back into the wild it would have starved to death."

Burns was fascinated.  "Zaller you're supposed to be my damn marine biologist.  What do you know?"

"I know that keeping a Great White in captivity is impossible.  Great Whites aren't like the sand tigers we have now.  The sand tigers do very well in captivity.  I would say it is the most common shark in aquariums around the world."

I broke back in.  "The sand tigers are part of our problem.  They are just another shark that people can see everywhere.  People are bored with them."

"What were the crowds like in San Francisco?"

"The crowds were phenomenal.  If we had a Great White I bet we could stay open twenty-four hours a day and still not get everybody in who wanted to see it.  A Great White would make this Aquarium the number one tourist attraction one the East Coast, if not the entire country.  Even if we didn't spend a nickel on advertising, just think of the news reports.  Local TV stations from all over the world would come here to cover this story.  The story would run in every newspaper you could name.  The capture and display of a Great White is a worldwide news event.  The word of mouth alone would pack this place all summer."

"Now that's the kind of thing I was looking for when I called this meeting.  That's what I want.  I want a Great White shark!"  Burns had a grin from ear to ear.

Zaller shook his head.  "It's impossible.  We couldn't keep a Great white alive for a week let alone the entire summer.  Great Whites may seem to be all powerful killing machines in the movies and on TV but in real life they are among the most delicate creatures on Earth.  They may have been around for millions of years but each individual animal is unable to adapt to life in captivity.  A dead Great White does us no good!"

Didn't Zaller know when he was beaten?  Burns didn't listen to him anymore but Zaller kept plugging away.  Zaller was like a vampire.  He just wouldn't die.  Fortunately, for all of our sake, I had a wooden stake.  "You're wrong again Zaller.  Even a dead Great White will draw quite a crowd.  When I was a kid and my family went to Sea World, they had a dead Great White.  It was frozen and it stunk but there was a long line to get in and see this monster."  I turned to look at the Boss.  "Mr. Burns, I am telling you right now we cannot lose no matter what happens, as long as we can get a Great White to this Aquarium.  In fact I'm afraid a Great White is the only thing that can save this place at this point."

"Bolding, I think you're right.  Zaller, I like Bolding's idea.  I want you to do whatever it takes to get me a Great White.  Understood?"

Zaller stood up.  "No I don't understand.  You don't get it!  We cannot do this!  It is impossible!"

Burns stood up too.  "If you say this is impossible one more time, you will be unemployed.  Do you understand now?"

"Why bother getting a Great White?  Why don't we get the Loch Ness Monster?

Or Bigfoot?  Say, we could put the Loch Ness Monster in a big tank and we could put Bigfoot or the Yeti on an island in the middle!  Think of the crowds for that!  We could have little vending machines where kids could buy Loch Ness Monster food and feed it.  Maybe we could teach Bigfoot to drive and he could give guided tours on the tram.  The Yeti could take care of the valet parking!"

"You've lost your mind!"

"I've lost my mind?  Just because I won't take part in Burns' Folly?"  And so ended Zaller's brief career at the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  Burns stared at him for a few moments before he picked up the phone and called security.  Grimshaw and I looked at each other.  Security arrived in a matter of seconds and escorted Zaller away.

"Bolding, you're in charge.  We need a Great White."

"Mr. Burns, I don't know the first thing about catching a shark.  That was Zaller's job."

"Do you see Zaller here?"

"No."

"That means it's your job."

"Mr. Burns, we need a marine biologist.  Even if I could figure out how to catch one, I wouldn't know how to keep it alive."

"Don't underestimate yourself, Bolding.  How much does man know about Great White sharks at all?"

"Not very much."

"Exactly.  I think you know enough to get the job done.  You'll have the boat at your disposal.  It's equipped with everything you should need to catch any living creature on Earth.  I'll look for a new marine biologist but it will take time.  Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of time.  Just do your best and maybe we'll get lucky!"

May 24, 1992

The bad news started as soon as I got out of bed this morning.  The newspapers were reporting that due to the continuing heat wave the mayor of New York City, in agreement with the city council, decided to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to take schoolchildren to the beach on Memorial Day.  Any school kid who showed up on Memorial Day could board a school bus for the ride out to either Jones Beach or Robert Moses State Park on Fire Island.  Due to budget constraints, the cities public pools were not scheduled to open until the end of June.  The mayor was vague as to where the money for the beach trip had come from.  Lawyers for the city assured the mayor that the legal ramifications for the city were no greater than for any normal class trip.  Various sources confirmed that the mayor's intention was to alleviate some of the racial tensions that had escalated after the verdicts.

Normally I wouldn't give a damn about what happens in the City.  Unfortunately, the Aquarium needed visitors from the City to make Memorial Day a success.  Now all those brats who had nothing to do on their day off were being taken to the beach.  When Burns found out, he would go ballistic.

I met Dad at 7:00 Mass.  I figured either Dad or God could give me some help in finding a Great White.  Probably only God could help me actually catch one.  I'm not sure even God could help me keep one alive for very long.  My mind drifted throughout Mass.  Afterwards, Dad and I talked in the parking lot.

"Dad, Burns wants me to catch a Great White."

"A Great White Shark?  Brian, you've got to be kidding."

"I couldn't make this up if I tried."

"Why doesn't Burns tell that marine biologist to do it?  I mean you're a lawyer, for God's sake!"

"Burns fired him.  What am I going to do?"

"You can come work with me but I don't think you'd be happy.  It's not the end of the world.  You should be excited about it.  He's paying you to go fishing.  How are you going to beat that?  You can't."

"What did I get myself into?"

"You can do anything.  You've already shown that.  You've already done things that I could never have done.  You went away to school for seven years, came back to New York, passed the bar and got an unbelievable job doing exciting things.  Other people your age are still living with their parents.  You're going to run into situations where you don't know what to do.  This is one of them.  Just suck it up and get it done.  You really can do anything you set your mind to.  I envy you."

"Will you stop Dad? I gotta get going but thanks for the pep talk and everything else too."  Dad always knew just what to say.  Of course, he always says the same thing.  Dad's no fool; he sticks with what works.

I had a meeting with Burns and Grimshaw at ten, but I figured I'd head over a little early.  As I expected Burns was already at his desk.  He was poring over some book on sharks that contained a lot of pictures.

"Bolding, would you look at the teeth on this Mako."

"It's pretty impressive."

"It looks like a monster with all its teeth sticking out like that.  If you can't get a Great White try for a Mako."

"Mr. Burns, its not like I'm going to the pet store and can pick out what I want.  Besides Makos are probably more difficult than Great Whites to keep in captivity.  I'm sure if you read on it'll tell you that Makos can jump pretty far out of the water.  As an attorney I would have to counsel against displaying a wild animal with razor sharp teeth that can leap out of its tank and into a crowd of customers.  The Hudson Valley Aquarium, it's fan-tastic!"

Burns read on with his index finger guiding him across the page.  "Hmm, you're right.  Scratch the Mako idea."

"I hope I didn't give you the impression that this was going to be easy.  Great Whites are very rare all over the world.  They are probably most commonly found along the California coast and the southern coast of Australia.  Unfortunately, that is probably too far to safely transport a live one.  Our best bet is along the Atlantic coast.  As far as I know Great Whites can be found as far south as Florida.  I think the largest one caught off the coast of Florida was about thirteen feet.  It was caught near Jacksonville."

Burns turned a few pages in his book.  "I understand they like cool water."

"That's right.  We shouldn't have to make any drastic changes in the water temperature of the main tank.  The water the sand tigers are in should be fine."

Burns looked up.  "I'm glad to hear that after Zaller's penguin fiasco.  Those freakin' birds lived liked kings while Zaller was here.  Once we get the Great White I'm gonna try to unload those birds somewhere.  I don't imagine there's a real demand for twenty-two spoiled rotten penguins."

"Probably not Mr. Burns.  Now as for the Great Whites, their range extends north from Florida up to Canada.  Montauk, Long Island is generally considered a Great White hotbed, but I doubt they're as common as they used to be.  Sport fishing has taken its toll on them."

Burns shook his head.  "It's terrible what man does to the environment."

May 25, 1992

What a day today has been!  I got up at 3:30 in the morning so we could get out to Freeport by dawn.  Burns' driver made record time, what with no traffic and all.  Nobody spoke the entire ride out there.  I like to think Burns and Grimshaw were thinking about the significance of Memorial Day, but who am I kidding.  All Burns and Grimshaw were concerned about was the money.  Sure I care about money as much as the next guy, but we were on our way to search for the most fearsome predator alive today.  At some point self-preservation should overcome the desire for money.  It did for me anyway but I doubt the other two were concerned about anything more than the bottom line.

Grimshaw wanted to stop for breakfast even though Burns warned him he would get seasick.  I wasn't hungry - I was too nervous to be hungry.  I'm not sure what I was nervous about, though.  I knew I wasn't going in the water and the boat was ninety feet long.  There was no danger of any shark capsizing the boat.  Since I was a kid though I've always had this irrational fear of falling overboard.  I learned how to swim when I was a kid and I was always pretty good at it.  I wasn't afraid of drowning.  I was afraid of being attacked by something I couldn't see.  Deep, dark, murky water always scared me.  Just swimming at night in a pool would give me the creeps.  Man was out of his element in the water, but other creatures were not.

Grimshaw got his breakfast at some diner out on Long Island.  "Seasickness is for sissies!"   Grimshaw obviously didn't share my concerns about our endeavor.  I didn't really expect him to.  If there wasn't a tax deduction involved then Grimshaw didn't know about it.

We reached the marina in Freeport well before sunrise.  There wasn't much activity except for the bright lights illuminating Burns' boat.  Her name was The Alamo and there was a big red, white and blue star emblazoned on her spotless white hull.  The Alamo, I thought, why not just name her the Titanic?

Burns beamed when he saw her.  "Isn't she a beauty?"

"She sure is."  Grimshaw was such a weasel.

"Where's Pearson?"  Burns ran up the gangplank and put his arm around one of the crewmen.

"The Captain's on the bridge, Mr. Burns."

"Well, I suppose that's where he should be.  How soon before we're ready to go?"

"Anytime now, sir.  We were just waiting on you."

"Well let's go then!"  Burns walked over to the huge crane.  "How much can we lift with this?"

"I wouldn't go much over 2 tons, sir."

"You hear that Bolding?  Two tons.  That gonna be enough?"

"Mr. Burns, if I see anything that weighs over two tons it damn well better be an island."    I walked over to the holding box.  "The problem's not going to be with the crane, Mr. Burns.  The problem is with the box."

"I don't want to hear about problems with the box!  I paid a fortune for this silly box!  You're not going to tell me that Zaller's box was a mistake are you?"

"I don't think it was a mistake.  I'm just saying that if a shark is too big for the crane it will be way too big for the box."

"What's the box?  Twelve feet long?"

"Yes.  Now a Great White up to twelve feet long shouldn't weigh anything close to two tons."

Grimshaw looked like he was getting seasick already and the boat hadn't even moved yet.   He walked over to the box and I though he was going to vomit through the open top.  He opened his mouth but there was no vomit, just one of his normal ignorant questions.  "How does this silly box work anyway?  I mean I know you can fiddle with the controls and different things happen but what's really going on."  Burns joined Grimshaw in looking at me for an answer.

How the hell should I know, I thought.  They should be asking Zaller and not a guy who got all his marine biology expertise from the Discovery Channel.  "Basically, most sharks must continue swimming to survive.  If they stop, they sink.  In fact I would say that a lot of premature shark deaths are actually a result of drowning."

Grimshaw balked at that.  "Drowning!  That's ridiculous!  They're fish for crying out loud!  They can't drown!"

"Sure they can.  Many sharks get caught in fishing nets.  Or like in South Africa where they put nets up to keep Great Whites away from popular beaches.  Sharks swim into the nets, get caught and are unable to swim.  As far as I know sharks are like any other animals on earth in that they need oxygen to survive.  They don't breathe like you and I but they get oxygen through the water.  I believe that water is propelled through the gills as sharks swim."

Burns was listening intently but Grimshaw wasn't getting the point.  "What does all this have to do with the box?"  What an ignorant jerk.

"What the box does is basically is allow the shark to simulate swimming."

Grimshaw laughed.  "Swimming!  We're looking for a Great White not a goldfish!  Remember?  This box is way to small for a shark to..."

"Look we don’t have time for me to dumb everything down for you!  I'm sorry.   From now on why don't you keep quiet until a topic comes up that you know something about!  That way we'll only have to listen to your incessant drivel on April Fifteenth.  Okay?"

Grimshaw stared at me with his fists clenched.  "I don't have to..."

Burns was smiling.  "All right, both of you.  We're a team here remember?"

I shook my head.  "There's no reason for him to be here.  You're here because you're the boss.  I'm here because I thought you put me in charge.  What is he doing here?

He has contributed nothing so far and I don't see what he could possibly contribute unless we run out of chum!"

Burns was not smiling now.  He probably knew I was right.  "That's enough!"

"Or if the boat sinks, the rest of us could sit on your fat ass and row home!"

Burns turned to Grimshaw.  "Go inside."  Uh-oh.  Grimshaw did as he was told.

"Look, I'm sorry Mr. Burns.  He just kept interrupting and I'm not even sure I know what I'm talking about."

"I know you're under a lot of pressure.  I also know that you can handle it.  But you can't lose control.  Sure, Grimshaw's a jerk but he's been around longer than you and I think he feels bad that I took you on at all.  You embarrassed him the first day we met and since then I've given you more and more authority.  He always got along well with Zaller and he basically saw me replace Zaller with you.  He's scared that I'll replace him with you too.  All I ask is that you tolerate his presence because I need him.  He's the best at what he does and I don't want to lose him.  Is that too much to ask?"

"No, of course not."  Now I felt bad for making fun of a pathetic wretch like Grimshaw.

"Now why don't you finish telling me how this magical box helps sharks simulate swimming."

"There's not much left to tell.  You see these pipes running along the bottom of the box?"

"Yeah what do they do?  I don't see where they're hooked up to anything."

"Those pipes are just hooked up to the front and back ends of the box.  The box is filled with water.  The shark goes in.  We hit the button and the water is propelled from the front of the box to the back of the box.  If the shark doesn't start swimming, it will be knocked against the back.  The water reenters the pipes at the back and is recycled.  This dial controls the force of the water.  We need to make the current strong enough for the shark to swim as normally as possible.  If the current is too weak, the shark will hit the front of the box and stop swimming.  If the current is too strong, the shark may not be able to keep up or may get tired and give up.  We have to have someone monitor the shark's condition at all times and make adjustments to the controls as necessary.  If we can actually find a Great White and catch one alive, I sure don't want to have it drown on the back of a truck on the Cross Bronx Expressway."

"I know what you mean.  We'll be careful and we'll do it right."

"Well even if we do everything right, the odds are against us getting a Great White from the Atlantic Ocean to the Aquarium alive.  The odds are overwhelming.  I have no idea if this box will work with a Great White at all.  Even if it does work, I doubt we could keep a Great White alive for very long in this thing.  Great Whites are just so delicate.  I can just picture some tractor-trailer jackknifing on the George Washington Bridge with a load of pigs.  The Bridge would be closed for hours while transit cops run around chasing the pigs.  In the meantime, we have a Great White Shark drowning in the back of a truck."

"You worry too much.  Nothing's going to go wrong."

We finally got underway as the sky was just brightening in the East.  It was going to be another hot one.  Luckily, the boat had all the creature comforts we could ask for.  It was designed to allow a crew of ten a two-week stay at sea.  Even though we wouldn't venture more than a few miles offshore, it was comforting to know we could last awhile if we had to.  I had no idea how long our search would take.

For now, Captain Pearson was going to take us out near Montauk.  I didn't know where else to start.  Pearson had no suggestions because he said he had never seen a Great White in these waters in his twenty years out here.  I didn't feel confident when he made this revelation, but I felt better when he mentioned the dozen or so Great Whites he'd seen hanging upside down on piers posing with happy fishermen.  Burns wanted a detailed description of all those dead sharks so he stayed with Pearson on the bridge.  Grimshaw and I found ourselves alone back by the box.  I still felt bad for him.  "Hey, Charlie.  I'm sorry about what I said before."  I extended my hand and was rewarded with Grimshaw's dead fish in my palm.

"I'm sorry too.  How'd you learn so much about this stuff?"

"I was always interested in sharks.  I read everything I could find and watched every show I could on them.  I don't really know all that much about them.  I don't think anybody does."

"Zaller did.  Burns shouldn't have fired him."

Sure he should have, I thought.  "No, he shouldn't have,” I said.  "But there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?"

"No, I guess not."  Grimshaw shrugged.  "What are those buckets for?"  Grimshaw was pointing at a row of five-gallon buckets lined up next to the railing.  The buckets all were closed and the nearest one had a shovel\scooper resting on top.

"That would be chum."

Grimshaw started walking over to the buckets.  "Chum?"

"I wouldn't open it if I were you.  Chum is chopped fish, blood and oil.  It doesn't smell good."  I wasn't feeling well and I don't think seeing Grimshaw's breakfast on the deck would make me feel better.  Grimshaw stopped and turned back to me.

"What do you do with it, throw it overboard?"

"You scoop some out and throw it over the side.  It lures the sharks to the boat."

"So it's really bait.  Why don't they just call it bait?"

I shook my head.  "It's not bait.  All chum does is give sharks a scent or a taste.  It just whets their appetite for food.  Or more precisely it entices them to come to the boat because they think there's food available.  Once they get to the boat we throw some bait in.  The chum gets them interested but the bait keeps them interested."

"Sounds neat.  I'd like to toss some chum out and see what happens."

"I'm sure we'll need some volunteers, so I'm glad to hear you're interested.  I'll be sure to pass the word on to the Captain."  And the crew who won't be stuck with that miserable job.

"I'm going to head in and watch some TV.   I usually don't get a chance to watch the morning news shows."  Grimshaw went inside.  I was exhausted so I took a nap.

A nap was a big mistake on my part.  I slept way too long.  The sun was out now and it was already getting hot.  I walked around the deck to try to determine how far we'd gone while I was counting sheep.  It looked like we had just passed Jones Beach on our way out to Montauk.  My family had only gone to Jones Beach once when I was a kid.  My father preferred Robert Moses State Park to Jones Beach because Jones Beach was closer to the city and always more crowded.  It's probably packed today, I thought, with all of those screaming city kids.  My father would've gone insane on Jones Beach today.  I thought I saw a streak or a slick on the water heading towards the beach but as I stared it disappeared.  I heard laughter coming from back by the crane so I continued heading that way.

Three crewmen, who seemed much younger than me, were laughing.  "Hey guys, what's going on?  I'm Joseph Bolding."  I shook hands with each of them.  They were still laughing.  I smiled pretending I knew what they were laughing at.  They looked at me and laughed harder.  "What're you guys laughing at?"

The oldest looking of the three pointed around the crane towards the chum buckets.  "Your buddy over there lost a bet to us."

I leaned and peeked over to see where he was pointing.  I saw Grimshaw with his back to us on one knee next to the buckets of chum.  Even from twenty feet away I could see the sweat on Grimshaw's light blue shirt.  Leaning upright against one of the buckets was a bucket lid.  Oh oh.  "What was the bet?"

"We bet he couldn't take a deep breath from one of the chum buckets without puking?"

I tried to stifle a smile.  "What happened?"

They all started laughing hysterically again.  "He puked!"

I laughed right along with them but I didn't want Grimshaw to know.  Grimshaw didn't turn around though so I assumed he wasn't finished honking.  "What did he lose?"

"Huh?"

"He lost the bet.  What did he lose?"

"He's gotta hurl the chum!"  We were all still laughing.  My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard, but then a horrible thought crossed my mind.  I stopped laughing and looked at Grimshaw.

"Is he chumming now?"

"Yeah.  He's doing pretty good too."

I turned and stomped over to Grimshaw.  "What are you doing?  You idiot!  Give me that damn thing!"  I grabbed the scoop out of Grimshaw's hand.  His sweaty face looked up in surprise.  A chubby finger pushed his glasses back where they belonged after sliding down.

"What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm throwing the chum out!"

"Do you remember me telling you to?  Don't do anything until I tell you to!  Do you hear me?"

"What's the problem?  You said chum attracts sharks so I threw the chum in the water.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life on this boat looking for a shark so I decided we might as well start.  I didn't think you were going to start since you were asleep!  I should be asking you what you've been doing while I've been working!"

"You moron!"  I pointed to the slick in the direction of Jones Beach.  "Do you see that line in the water?  That's the chum you've been throwing out.  Do you see where it leads?"

"It leads toward land.  So what?"

"So what?  That's Jones Beach, you jackass!  There are going to be thousands of kids on that beach today and you may have attracted every shark in the area right to them!  That's what!"

"I didn't know!  How was I supposed to know?"  Grimshaw exaggerated a shrug.

"You weren't supposed to know and that's why I'm in charge!  From now on you do what I say!  Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"Good.  Now you'd better pray nothing happens on that beach today."

I walked off and left Grimshaw where he stood.  The sea breeze was cool but not cool enough to ward off the heat of the sun.  I decided to go inside and hang out in the lounge.  Burns was alone in the lounge.  He was watching CNN on the large screen TV

"This is some boat you have Mr. Burns.  You even have cable."

"Come in, Bolding.  Sit down."  He said.  I sat.   "I wouldn't be out here without a satellite TV.  Everyone complains about how destructive TV is.  I love it.  There's so much to learn in life and TV is the only way to experience most of it."

"You're probably right."

"Of course I'm right.  Take Antarctica, for example."

"O.K."  I shrugged.

"How many people have ever been to Antarctica.  Or how many people will ever go there?"

"Not many."

"You're damn right.  Not many.  When my father was a kid ... well before TV, nobody really knew what it looked like even.  Now all you have to do is watch a show on Antarctica."

"But watching a show is not really experiencing it."

"No it's not but it’s better than wallowing in ignorance.  Isn't it?"

"Sure it is and I'm not disagreeing with you.  It's no secret that I learned a lot about sharks on TV.  Now I'm the expert on this expedition."

"TV is a great learning tool for everyone.  No one wants to go to Antarctica.  Except for lunatics like Zaller.  Now no one has to.  We've all seen what's there.  Just ice and penguins."

"I never looked at it that way."

We talked for about an hour and a half, while the TV droned on in the background.  It was just polite conversation.  I thought we were both tired of talking about the business at hand.  We even started talking about the heat.  I've always been a weather records junkie.   My friends and family always laughed at my most useless of weather trivia.  I long ago stopped asking people which place had a higher average temperature Such and Such, North Carolina or So and So, Alaska.  Never again would I have the pleasure of revealing the surprising answer.  But I still liked to go out on record-breaking days and say to myself, "This is the blankest day ever."  I'm a weather weenie, I admit it.  I had to know if New York hit a record high today.

"Mr. Burns, mind if I turn on the local news at noon?"  I asked nonchalantly.  I didn't want my employer to know what a sicko I was.

"Sure go ahead."  He flipped me the remote.

I turn to channel nine and of course they're doing a live report on the City's school kids at the beach.  I winced inside hoping Burns didn't realize what it was.  How could he since I changed the channel so fast?

"Hey, what was that?  Turn that back."

That's just great, I thought.  You're stuck on a boat with the boss for who knows how long and I get the man in a bad mood so I can appease my weather fetish.  Am I completely insane?

I turned the channel back to the news report.  They were just wrapping up a live shot from Fire Island after they showed some taped footage.  A single kid was visible in the water in the background above the reporter's left shoulder.  "Doesn't look like too many are in the water today, Sandy?"  The anchor made his statement into a question.

"No there isn't Carlton.  In fact we've only seen that one young boy in the water out here all day.  It's not surprising since the water temperature is only in the sixties.  Carl?"

"Sandy, why is that boy swimming then if it's too cold for everyone else?"

"Well Carl, I asked him on his way in a few minutes ago.  And he showed us his brand new waterproof watch that his parents got him got for his tenth birthday on Saturday.  Basically he wants to try out his new watch."  Over Sandy's shoulder a dark blur surged into the boy in the water.  A lifeguard, who was standing on the beach right in front of the only swimmer, started forward into the water.  The camera view zoomed past Sandy and focused on the boy.  The kid was trying to get out of the water but something was pushing him to his right and thrashing the water to his left.  Two black triangles were sticking out of the water just left of the boy.

"Thanks Sandy.  I sure hope he enjoys his watch.  Boy it's a hot one in the city to..."  Carl's voice trailed off.  "Sandy what's going on?  Can you see what's going on?"  Sandy put her hand to her ear and turned to the water as someone on the beach screamed in the background.

"Oh my God Carl!  It's a shark!"  The head of the shark cleared the water.  It looked huge next to the small, skinny boy.  The familiar conical shape of a shark gave way to the horrifying extended jaws as they clamped down on the boy's left shoulder.  The boy's entire left arm was in the shark's mouth as it drove him under water.

People could be seen running towards the water as the camera focused on the lifeguard, who was wading in waist high water looking for the boy.  The lifeguard hesitated just a moment before diving.  Less than a second later, the lifeguard emerged carrying the boy's limp body back to the beach.  Three men rushed in to aid the lifeguard.   The rest of the crowd blocked the camera's view of the boy.

Burns and I sat watching in stunned silence before I stood and looked out the window.  I could see the vague outline of Fire Island punctuated by the Washington Monument-like obelisk that was the centerpiece of the state park.  I thought about looking for binoculars but I realized I wouldn't be able to see over the waves anyway.  Besides Sandy and the cameraman had recovered from their initial shock and were now showing the boy wrapped in a blanket surrounded by onlookers.

"Sandy, can you describe what we're seeing?"

"Carl it appears the little boy who was just attacked by a shark is alive.  He appears to be in shock.  He was wrapped in a blanket.  We can hear sirens in the distance."  A teenage girl stepped in front of the camera and waved.  Arms appeared from off screen and pulled her away.  "Excuse me!"  Sandy didn't want her fluff piece turned tragedy to be ruined.  "I must say that the boy appears to be missing his left arm from the shoulder and he's lost a lot of blood."

"What's the boys name?  Sandy?  What's the boys name?"

"The boy's first name is Tommy we believe.  At least that's what the adults who are with him are calling him."

"Is the boy part of the city sponsored trip?"

"Yes he is, Carl.  If you remember I spoke to him just before he went into the water.  He's the one with the new watch."

"Oh, yes, of course."  Carl was not sharp today.

Mr. Burns slumped back from the edge of his seat as if to consider the events.  My mind was racing.  I felt bad for the kid but this was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up.  We couldn't have dreamed for a break like this.  Weeks of fruitless searching could be avoided if we could capitalize on this situation.  I nearly thanked God but I hope God wouldn't take a kid's arm so Burns could make some money.  "Mr. Burns, you are one lucky son of a gun.  We just found our drawing card."  I started out the door but Burns stopped me.

"Wait a minute!  Could you tell what attacked that kid?"

"It looked like a great white to me and that's what we're looking for.  Mr. Burns, I gotta go tell the captain where to go.  We don't have much time."

"It didn't look like a great white to me.  It was black, Brian, completely black."

"It was probably some optical illusion.  The TV probably distorted the color.  It was a great white."  Now I wasn't sure though.  The jaws and head looked like a great white.  No other shark looked like that.  But Burns was right, it was black.  The skin was as black as a killer whale.  I know that was no killer whale.  "I don't know.  Maybe it wasn't a great white.  Whatever it was, if we could catch it, we'll make a ton of money.  But we gotta move now!"

"What do you want me to do?"  Burns was excited and he wanted a piece of the action.  I didn't know Burns and Grimshaw were coming until this morning so I didn't have any roles in mind for them.  Now though, Burns could help.

"Mr. Burns I need you to watch the news and find out what you can about what happened.  Where did the shark go or where do the experts think it will go?  Don't just watch this channel.  Check all the channels.  Also see if you can find out what kind of shark it was if it wasn't a great white.  You got your shark books with you?"

"I sure do."

"Check through those too.  Hey why don't you tape the stories you see on TV?

Try to at least get a copy of the attack itself.  I'd like to see it again, in slow motion or frame by frame, if possible.  I'll get things organized out here."  I ran towards the bridge.  If only I hadn't wasted all that time taking a nap, I thought.

Captain Pearson was enjoying a steaming cup of hot coffee when I got to the bridge.  Captain, it's only a thousand degrees out today.   Why don't you give it a rest with the coffee already?  I wasn't annoyed by the coffee so much as I was by the lack of any tension on the bridge.  I mean we just saw our shark tear a kid's arm off live on TV and... and only Burns and I saw it.  "Captain, we've got to head closer to the beach.  Our shark just attacked a kid on Fire Island."

"Are you serious?"  Pearson shook his head.  "How close do you want to get?"

"I'm not really sure.  We don't know where the shark is going to go.  I assume it will head back out this way to deeper water but I'm just guessing.  Just bring us to where we can see the beach itself."

"You got it."

"Can you spare a man or two?  We need one to operate the crane and one to chum."

"I heard we already found our chummer."  Pearson smiled.

I started to return the smile but I remembered what Grimshaw did earlier.  Oh no.  What if someone accuses us of attracting the shark to Fire Island?  At that moment Grimshaw walked onto the bridge.

"Speak of the devil."  Pearson muttered while still smiling broadly.

"I just saw Burns down in the lounge.  He said we found a shark!"  Grimshaw was out of breath and sweating again.

"Maybe we should just get out of here."  I said more to myself than to anyone else, but loud enough for the other two to hear.

Pearson and Grimshaw looked at me.  "Are you insane?"  Grimshaw asked.  "We found a shark!  What else do you want?  You can't be serious!"

"I am serious!  A kid just got mauled live on TV and we just happen to be here looking for a shark."

"Its just coincidence.  We were just lucky."  Grimshaw looked at Pearson for support but Pearson's neutral expression didn't change.

"If someone finds out we were out here throwing chum in the water trying to attract a shark... we'd be screwed!"

Grimshaw didn't look so confident anymore.  Now he knew screwed up before but he was still defiant.  "We threw the chum in at least twenty miles away.  We didn't attract the shark out here!"

"The truth doesn't matter Grimshaw!  You know that.  Perception is everything.  We, I should say you, threw the chum in the water and a shark attacked the kid!  That's all anyone is going to care about!"

Grimshaw knew I was right and he caved in.  "Let's get out of here.  I want to get out of here before someone sees us!"

"It's not up to us now!  It's up to Burns and he's down there watching the shark on TV.  There's no way we can leave without him knowing."  I felt like a mutineer.

"We'll just go down and explain the situation to him.  I think he'll see we're right.  What we all don't need is bad publicity."  Grimshaw made a you-go-first gesture.

Why me, I thought.  But I figured I had a better chance to get our concerns across to Burns than Grimshaw would.  Before walking out, I turned to Pearson.  "Take us in so we can see the beach please, captain.  Also get your crew together.  I need one guy on the crane, one guy on the chum and the rest as lookouts around the boat.  I think Burns will want to stay.  Might as well have the chum guy start chumming. I assume he'll know how."  Pearson nodded.  I turned to Grimshaw.  "Let's see what we can do."

Grimshaw and I found Burns in the lounge swearing at the remote control in his hands.  The TV was so loud we could barely hear him.  The local station was replaying the attack with the commentary of two experts live on the phone.  The footage of the attack itself was turned into a loop and Carl, the anchor, warned of the graphic nature of the video at the start of each loop.  "Once again, the footage you're about to see is quite graphic.  We advise viewer discretion.  We are receiving hundreds of calls both for and against showing the video.  We have decided to continue showing the video because it is a news event."

"The victim of the attack, ten year old Tommy Johnson, of Manhattan, is being airlifted to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in upper Manhattan.  Ironically, Johnson lives within three blocks of Columbia Presbyterian in the Inwood section of upper Manhattan.  We will of course update you on his condition throughout the day.  We turn now to our two experts..."  Burns had stopped fiddling with the remote while Carl talked about the victim.  This was my only chance to talk Burns into leaving.

"Mr. Burns, perhaps we should reconsider what we're doing here," I began.

"What are you talking about?"  Burns returned his attention to the remote.

"Maybe we'd better get out of here for today."

"That's ridiculous!  We may never have a chance like this again!"

"I just think we should..."

Burns was getting angry again.  I assume the remote control was mostly to blame but I was going to take the brunt of it.  "Bolding, why don't you think about this?  Zaller said we couldn't do it.  Zaller's not here anymore.  There's a connection there that you should..."  That worm Grimshaw was behind me but I could see his reflection in a mirror as he slunk out the door we came in.  Now I was pissed.

"You listen to me!  I know we can do it!  That's not the issue!  The problem is that the media and the public are going to connect our search to the attack!"  I caught Burns off guard.  I caught myself off guard.  I'm sure neither of us thought I'd raise my voice to the boss.  But I was mad.  How dare he compare me to that jackass Zaller.  I was doing Zaller's job and my own.  What more did he want?

My outburst actually calmed Burns down.  "We didn't have anything to do with the attack.  What connection can they make?"

I closed the door so Burns and I could talk privately.  "They'll say it's too much of a coincidence that the very first day we come out to look for a shark, a shark attacks a kid not three miles from our boat.  It doesn't help that Grimshaw was chumming while we were passing Jones Beach.  Somebody at Jones Beach had to have seen at least the slick of chum Grimshaw made.  In fact somebody probably saw him actually doing it."

"Grimshaw was chumming already?"  Burns shook his head in disgust.

"Mr. Burns, I think we should just get out of here."

"And go where?"  Burns asked.

"We should just follow our plan and head out past Montauk.  We can just pretend today didn't happen.  We're just right back where we started this morning.  We haven't lost anything."

Burns appeared to consider that for a moment, but again shook his head.  "If we let this opportunity pass, we may never get another shot.  We can save the aquarium this afternoon.  I say we go for it."  I took a deep breath and Burns grinned.  "You disagree."

"Yeah, I do.  We're risking everything whether we get the shark or not.  Catching the shark is still not something I'd bet on even though we know it's close."

"You're right."

"Let's say we don't catch it.  We can still be blamed for the attack.  We'd be the villains on the front page of the tabloids for a week.  We might even be charged with crimes up to manslaughter or even some sort of homicide if the kid dies.  There's no way the state could prove that beyond a reasonable doubt but I'd rather not take that chance."

"I wouldn't either."

"In addition to any criminal proceedings brought against us, there would definitely be civil suits.  Everyone would sue the crap out of us.  The kid's family.  The kid himself if he survives.  Everybody on the beach could sue us for inflicting emotional distress.  Even the federal government would probably sue us for violating the kid's civil rights.  In fact we could be dragged into court if the family sues the state or the city and they turn around and drag us in."

"Okay, okay.  I get the picture."

"That's just the legal ramifications.  The public would most likely consider us murderers whether the law does or not.  The media would crucify us.  There'd be protesters, boycotts, vandals, you name it.  What family is going to cross an angry picket line to see some penguins?  I know there may be no such thing as bad publicity but the blame for this kid's death would close the aquarium for good."

"Well, if we don't catch something that can draw crowds on this trip, I'll close the aquarium."

"Let's say we do catch the shark then.  We face the same problems as if we didn't.  However, we'd probably also have legal challenges to our right to keep and display the shark.  Plus, somebody is going to raise moral questions like how we could possibly display an animal that killed or at least maimed a kid.  How many parents are going to bring their ten year olds to see the animal that ripped another kids arm off?"

"I'll bet thousands will!  We're staying out here until we catch that shark!"  Burns pointed at the TV screen.  The two experts were having as animated a discussion as two disembodied, phoned in voices could have.

"It could be nothing other than a great white!"  The first one said in a voice that expressed exasperation even over the phone.

"How can it be a great white if it’s completely black?"  The second one shot back.

"What else could it be?  Don't tell me you thought it was a killer whale!  Look at the extended jaws!  The pointed snout is lifted!"

"I didn't say it was a killer whale!  No killer whale has ever attacked a human."

"Well what else could it be?"

"It's definitely a shark of some kind.  You can tell it is not a mammal because the caudal fin is vertical.  Basically a shark swims by moving its tail from side to side while a mammal, like a killer whale, swims by moving its tail up and down."

"So we agree it's a shark.  What kind of shark could it be other than a great white?

Just look at the conical snout!"

"Mako's have conical snouts."

"Come on!  That was no mako!  Look at the extended jaws!  Look at the teeth!"

"Look at the color!  You're skipping the greatest evidence we have that it's not a great white!  It's not white!  It's pitch black!"

"Great white's are only white on their undersides.  They can be quite dark along their backs and sides."

"They're gray or blue-gray but not pitch black!  How do you account for that?"

"It could be any number of things.  It could just be the camera angle and the lighting.  It could even be an anomaly in this particular animal.  It could be anything."

"From what we could see the underside was as dark as the back.  And in all your years of studying great whites have you ever seen one, just one, that was pitch black?  I doubt it!"

"No I've never seen one that's black but just because I've never seen it doesn't mean it can't or didn't happen!"

"I'll bet everything I have that no one has ever seen a completely black great white."

"Well you keep saying what it isn't.  Why don't you tell us what it is if it's not a great white because I want to know!"

"This may be the first time any man has ever seen this animal."

"What is it?"

"I think it may be a megalodon."  Burns and I looked at each other.

"Oh come on!"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to leave it there gentlemen.  It's been very interesting and we thank you both very much.  We're now going to return to our regularly scheduled broadcast, which is already in progress.  Be sure to stay with us for the latest on this tragic story that has marred this first weekend of summer."  Carl signed off and the first soap opera kicked in.

"Did he say megalodon?"  Burns asked.

"He certainly did."  I replied.

"Why does that word ring a bell?"

"You probably read about megalodon in your shark books."

"I didn't realize they were in these waters."

"They're not supposed to be in any waters.  They're supposed to be extinct."

Burns was flipping through one of his books.  "Let me just check.  I think it's in here somewhere."

I didn't have time to wait for him to thumb through each page of a five hundred-page book and I wasn't enough of a smart ass to tell him to look in the index.  "So we are going to stay here and go after this shark?"

"You're damn right we are!  This could be the greatest find of all time!  Just think of the publicity and the crowds if we catch a megalodon!  We'll be rich!"

"You already are rich," I reminded Burns.

"Yeah but you're not and I'm not rich enough!  Go find me that shark!"

I walked out into the sun and I could see the beach on Fire Island.  My eyes weren't good enough to pick out any people on the beach but I assume it was still crowded.  This was close enough so I went to the bridge to tell Pearson to stop.  On my way I had to pass two lookouts.  They looked dead serious now as they scanned the water.  They weren't in the good mood they'd been in earlier when they were laughing at Grimshaw.  Pearson must have told them about the attack on the kid.

"This is close enough, captain.  Hey, how can I contact you if I'm at the back of the boat and I need you to do some maneuvering?"  I asked Pearson.

"Just tell Frank.  He's doing the chumming.  He's got a headset on so he can speak directly to me."  Pearson replied.

"Why don't I wear the headset so I can tell you myself?"

"You're not going to wear a headset because you have no idea of the directions seamen use.  You'd probably just say, "Go left" or "Go right" and I'd have no idea what you're talking about.  So you just tell Frank where you want to go and he'll translate it for me."

"Fair enough."  I felt like an idiot.  Pearson was probably right but he didn't have to make me feel like a jackass.  I was the one running the whole show.  Pearson was just my damn chauffeur.  "Do the lookouts know what to look for?"

"Sharks?"  Pearson was getting to be a wise ass.

"Yeah, sharks.  They have to look down as much as out.  Sharks don't swim with their dorsal fin out of the water like they do in the movies."

"They know what to look for."  Pearson seemed to be getting impatient with me.  I guess he didn't like some hotshot young lawyer telling him his business.  Too bad.

I walked back outside and saw a good-sized chum slick running nearly parallel to the to the shore.   If skillful chumming required any particular skills, Frank must have it.  If the shark were on his way out to deeper water, he'd have to cross right through our slick.  How could any shark resist the combination of fish oil, chopped fish and blood?  If I were a shark, I'd be all over it.  Of course, if I were a shark, my teeth would already be a part of some necklace somewhere.

I wanted to talk to the crane operator before any of the action started so I could explain to him what I thought we could do.  That wouldn't take long because I only had one idea.  I was just about to introduce myself to the guy operating the crane when Grimshaw came around the corner.  "Hey, Bolding, what do you what me to do?"

Why don't you tie a rope around you're waist and jump in, you big slob?  I wanted to say.  Eating Grimshaw would probably exceed a shark's recommended daily allowance of cholesterol.  "Grimshaw, why don't you be a lookout?"  I asked a guy with glasses so thick that sunlight took ten minutes to get through to be a lookout.  "Go stand over there.  Don't forget to look down as well as out.  Shark's don't swim with their dorsal fins sticking out of the water like they do in the movies."  At least Grimshaw would listen to that piece of advice.

"Well you're wrong on that one.  Here comes a shark now."  Grimshaw was pointing about thirty yards away.  Sure enough there was a dorsal fin sticking out of the water.  But it was headed the wrong way and it was clearly gray in color.  My wish that it was a regular great white were dashed when the crewman closest to it said it was a blue shark.  Blue sharks have been known to attack man but they're not too scary looking.  Their eyes look very big almost like a stuffed animal's.  Nobody would line up to see a blue shark.

As the blue ate the bigger fish chunks in the chum slick, my disappointment disappeared.  The blue was about six feet long.  I thought of two uses for this six-foot blue, practice and bait.  I walked over to the crane and spoke to the operator.  "Could you lower the net into the water?"  I asked him.

"Sure thing."  He responded and lowered the net into the water.  The net was only ten feet across.  I didn't want it to be too big because I was afraid a shark we tried to capture would become hopelessly entangled and possibly drown if we had to abort a failed attempt.  The four corners of the net were attached to cables that ran up to the hook on the crane.

"Basically, what we'll try to do is lure the shark over the net and yank it up as fast as we can once the shark is in place.  The most important thing is to get the shark out of the water in one piece.  Once we get it in the air we'll lower it into the transport box over there.  You got it?"

"No problem."

"Great.  Grimshaw!  Come over here and start chumming.  And whatever you do, don't throw it at the blue.  We want the other shark to have some too."  I turned to Frank.  "Frank get some bait for the blue.  Get some crappy stuff.  We'll save the prime cuts for the good shark."

"What do you want the blue for?"  Frank asked.

"Practice," I said.  Then I whispered, "Because I have no idea if this is going to work."

"I gotcha."  Frank went inside and came out with some big chunk of fish.  He stuck it in a burlap bag and held it open while he directed Grimshaw to throw some scoops of chum in.  Oil and blood trickled out of the bag as Frank tied a rope around it.  He then threw the bag in the water over the net.  "Come and get it!"  He yelled.  It wasn't very funny but it relieved the tension on the boat and everybody laughed.

Burns came out and saw what was going on.  "Hey, you see him?  I wanted you to come get me if you saw him!"

I shook my head.  "No.  We're just doing a practice run.  We've got a blue shark out here and we're just about to try to catch him."

"What are you gonna do with him if you get him in here?"  Burns leaned on the rail to look at the blue that was just now noticing the burlap bag.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I think he'd make irresistible bait."

"Why don't we just keep it until we find something better?"  Grimshaw jumped in.  Normally I would have agreed with Grimshaw on this one but Burns wanted the big one.

"I don't want a blue shark.  I want a great white at the very least.  If we don't get at least a great white then the aquarium is done.  Does everybody understand that?  Good."   Everyone understood that no great white meant no more job.

"We'll just use the blue to try out our little plan here and then he'll be a little Memorial Day lunch for the shark we really want."  Everyone laughed a little at that but the tense atmosphere that Burns introduced with his ultimatum lingered.  This was literally do or die for us.

Meanwhile, the blue was interested in the bloody bag but was suspicious of the net.  We watched as the blue approached and then turned away at the last moment time after time.  Fifteen minutes passed before Burns expressed his first doubts to me.  "The net is too conspicuous.  There must be a better way of doing this."

"I don't think there is.  The few great whites that have been captured alive usually took quite a beating in the process.  I don't want to use a bigger net because I don't want our prize fish to be hopelessly tangled.  The sharks we're after are so rare out here we can't risk accidentally killing one."

"Are there any other alternatives?"  Burns asked.

"The only other option I can see is rod and reel but that would be way too unpredictable.  There'd be no guarantee that we could get it on the boat.  In fact, the shark may not even survive long enough for us to bring it near the boat.  For one thing the shark on our hook would be at a serious disadvantage with other sharks in the area.  It wouldn't do us any good to reel a shark in only to have it torn to pieces by another shark."

"I see," Burns said.

"A rod and reel is out of the question.  We might as well try to catch it with a shotgun.  We'd get the same result - a dead shark."

"Well we don't want that.  It's just that I don't think a shark will be dumb enough to just swim right into our net.  That's all I'm saying."

I smiled at Burns.  "Look, Mr. Burns, we've got to be patient.  This is basically the same as any other fishing.  You throw the bait in the water and you wait.  You may wait no time or a long time.  A lot of it is luck, but a lot of it is also perseverance.  We have to let the shark feel comfortable.  Comfortable enough to go after the bait without any fear of something bad happening to it.  Assuming sharks actually experience fear."

"I know what you're saying."  I was glad I could reassure Mr. Burns but I was having my own doubts.  As far as I knew, great whites were among the most cautious large predators on earth.  They rarely attacked without first investigating the situation.  Even when they do attack, they don't always follow through.  That lack of a killer instinct has allowed many people to survive shark attacks, even great white attacks.  It seems hard to believe that a great white doesn't have a killer instinct, but so many people have been horribly bitten and lived to tell about it because the shark stopped the attack.  Sure the shark may realize that it attacked the wrong thing (like a surfer instead of a seal) but a meal's a meal.  Burns interrupted my thoughts.  "Hey, here we go!"

The blue was attacking the bag.  It thrashed its head back and fourth wildly.  Blood and chunks of fish escaped through a hole the shark tore in the bag.  Frank pulled the rope the bag was attached to.  The blue moved right into the center of the net with a good foot or so to spare both in front and back of the animal.  "Go!"  I yelled to the crane operator.

The net rose faster than I thought it would but I can't describe it as fast.  Perhaps the speed was just right because the blue didn't seem to notice it.  The net rose and lifted the still thrashing shark out of the water.  The blue was still tearing at the bag.  Blood and oil dripped into the water.  Fish chunks fell and splashed into the water but occasionally a seagull would swoop in and catch one out of the air.  "OK!  Now swing it back around!"

I gestured to the crane operator like I was directing an airplane.  "Bring it back slowly."  The net swung back over the deck.  It stopped directly over the transport box.  It's actually going to work, I thought.

The blue released the remnants of the bag, arched its back and flipped completely out of the net landing tail first on its back on the deck of the boat.  I saw the whole thing happen as if it were in slow motion.  My first instinct was to try and catch the shark.  I was able to stop myself before I got smashed by a couple of hundred pounds of shark.  I was not able to prevent looking like an uncoordinated dork as I turned my ankle though.  Sharp pain shot up my leg as the shark rolled over onto its stomach and continued thrashing around on the deck.  I was forced to stumble out of its way as it turned its head and nearly bit my foot.

The boat's crewmen ran over as I sat where I fell.  A couple of them pinned the shark down by each putting one foot on its back.  My ankle began to throb but I realized I didn't do any permanent damage.  I looked up and saw a crewman hold a pistol to the shark's head and pull the trigger.  The first real live gunshot I ever heard in my life stunned me again and had my ears ringing.  Blood squirted out of the hole in the still twitching shark's head and pooled on the deck.  The blood contained chunks of disgusting organic matter that had me lying on my side dry heaving.  Between my throbbing ankle, my ringing ears and my growing nausea I didn't catch any of the conversation going on a few feet away from me.  When I finally looked up, I saw the crewmen under Grimshaw's direction pick up the dead blue and try to muscle it over the railing.  We needed to tie a rope around the dead shark's tail so we could use it as bait.  "No!" I yelled.  One of the crewmen tried to stop the shark's momentum over the side but he was the only one and there was no way he could've held the shark by himself.  I forgot about my physical ailments and scrambled to the railing.

I looked down and saw the blue spiraling deeper and deeper into the water.  It reminded me of a World War I biplane crash landing after a dogfight.  We wouldn't be able to see the blue crash land though.  Each moment it became less and less visible as it spiraled down.  Without looking up from the dead blue I yelled, "Who told you to throw it overboard?"

From behind me I heard Grimshaw's voice.  "I did."  I somehow restrained myself from physically kicking the crap out of my colleague.  My anger was lost in the fascination of watching the sinking shark.  The shark was almost gone when it seemed to change direction.  It moved to my left.  It was no longer visible but it definitely moved.  It must have hit bottom or something, I thought.

"Did you see that?"  I asked nobody in particular.

"Yeah, that was the fastest dead shark I've ever seen," somebody said.  The others laughed.

I looked at Frank who was still wearing his headphones to communicate with Pearson.  "Ask Pearson how deep it is here."  Frank relayed the question to the captain.

"About two hundred feet give or take," Frank said.

"Is there anything beneath us?  An old wreck or a reef or anything?"  I asked.

"No," Frank said.  "The captain asks why, sir."

I ignored Pearson's question.  "What's the visibility in the water here?  Could I see something go all the way to the bottom here?"

Frank didn't bother relaying that.  "No way," he said.  Some of the other crewmen started peering into the water.  "What'd you see?"  Frank asked.

"I don't know for sure.  But I do know that the dead blue hit something on the way down.  Or something hit it."

"What do you think it was?  What could it be?"  Frank asked.

Burns stepped in to answer.  "It was our shark."  Burns looked at me.  "That's what you think isn't it?"

I didn't answer Burns directly.  "Start chumming again.  I want so many fish chunks in the water that I could walk home without rolling my pant legs up." The shark we wanted was here somewhere.

Burns called everyone around him at the end of the boat.  "I have a little extra incentive for everyone!"  He held up a thousand dollar bill.  I don't know whose picture is on it and I doubt anybody on the boat but Burns did either.  "I'm going to leave it right here for the man who first spots that black devil!"  Burns taped the bill to the side of the crane and walked back to the lounge.

A half hour went by and nothing happened.  Everyone including myself started to relax again.  The lookouts were no longer standing as tall as they had been.  I could see two of them leaning on the railing.  They were still watching the water but there was no more expectation that something was going to happen.  I guess everyone had a rush of adrenaline or something when we caught the blue (and blew its brains out all over the deck).  Then we all thought the other shark was here but we saw no sign of it.  Even I was beginning to think I just imagined the dead blue changing direction.  For all I knew, the blue just turned over from its white stomach to its dark back without being hit by anything.  Maybe the water just distorted the image I saw.

"Over here!"  Someone yelled from behind me.  Even with the thousand-dollar bounty, we hadn't had any false alarms yet.  I half-expected this to be the first one.  I turned and looked where the crewman was pointing.  I saw a dirty gray seagull flapping its wings just above the water.  When I squinted I realized that the seagull's right leg was being pulled under water.  Other seagulls hovered over the dirty gray one, but they were keeping their distance.

"What's going on?"  I heard Burns ask from behind me.  The seagull got its leg free and started to rise when the black head of a shark burst through the surface.  In an instant, I saw the teeth, brilliant white against the shark's black skin, surround the bird and sink back into the water.  The other gulls continued hovering but they got no meal from their deceased friend.  The surface was calm as if nothing happened.  I looked at Burns for confirmation.

"Did you see that?"  I asked.

"I sure did.  I assume that's what we're looking for?"

"That's our boy." I replied.  "Frank!  Get some bait in the water!  Grimshaw!" I glanced at Burns.  "Start chumming'.  And don't be stingy!"

"Aye, aye, sir."  Grimshaw stood right in front of me and gave a mock salute.  Burns laughed.  Grimshaw and I kept straight faces until Grimshaw turned towards the buckets.  That's when I started laughing.  It was kind of funny but Burns and I were over laughing.  In reality, we were in a giddy mood.  During the half hour between the dead blue and the dead bird, Burns and I were deflated.  We thought our chance was gone but it dramatically reappeared thanks to a seagull that wasn't paying attention.  I always hated those disgusting seagulls anyway.

I turned towards the crane.  I was suddenly afraid that the blue damaged the net.  I didn't think to have a spare handy and, based on a half day's experience, I doubt any of these clowns did either.  "How's the net look?"  I asked the crane operator.

"Like new," he said.

"Great.  Try not to drop the next one will ya'!"  I gave the kid a grin.

"I'll try not to," he said with an embarrassed smile.  I hope he realized I was only kidding.  It wasn't his fault the blue got out of the net.  The damn thing jumped like a mako.  The experience with the blue taught me one thing though.  If our shark falls out of the net and lands on the deck, we might as well put a gun to its head because it will be dead.  I wouldn't dare try to lift a live great white.  I wouldn't have tried to lift the blue shark earlier.  Trying to lift a shark while it's thrashing around with a mouthful of razor sharp teeth is something that you do on pay-per-view.  Besides the crew had enough trouble trying to lift a dead blue.  A live great white, as big or bigger than the seven-foot blue, could weigh hundreds of pounds more than the blue.  We'd be better off letting the shark fall back into the water and trying again.

"Look," I said to the crane operator, "if the shark looks like it's going to make a jump or if it looks like it's going to fall, make sure the net's over the water.  Okay?"

"Yeah, but then we'll lose it."

"If it falls in the water, at least we can try again.  If it falls on the deck, all we can do is kill it.  I want that monster alive."  I was gritting my teeth.  I just thought about that little kid the monster attacked.  All of a sudden I was pissed that a human was attacked and probably killed by some lesser creature.  I wasn't mad at the shark really.  Unlike a human, the shark didn't know any better.  I was mad at something else.  Like what a waste it was.  Or why did God let this happen?  I didn't even know the kid.  I just thought of what I'd feel if I did know him.  Rage directed at nothing.  Rage directed at everything.

"Lower the net slowly.  We don't want to spook him," I said to the crane operator.  We sure don't want to spook that black devil with those hundreds of razor sharp teeth by dropping a net in the water too quickly.

As the net entered the water it looked pretty small to me.  I still didn't have a clue as to how big the black shark was.  The tape of the kid being attacked really didn't allow for any educated guesses and the bird attack happened too fast to do anything but watch.  I could be sure that this was no twenty-foot monster.  Burns would probably be disappointed but we were lucky.  We couldn't even consider catching twenty footer.  I was hoping it would be in the ten-foot range and so far I'd seen nothing to dash those hopes.

Frank tossed another bloody, fish filled bag into the water right above the net.  "You can stop chumming now," I said to Grimshaw.  "We know he's still around and we don't want to distract him from the bait in the net."

"You mean I can actually rest now, master?"  Grimshaw threw down the scooper he was using and started to rub his right shoulder.

"Do whatever you want.  Just stay out of the way."  I could feel Grimshaw staring at me but I didn't have time to deal with him so I ignored him.  He didn't go away.  I nearly turned to look at him when we heard a door slam.  I turned and saw Burns run out of the lounge to the railing and nearly fall overboard as he launched what looked like a camera about forty yards out into the water.

"Good riddance!"  Burns screamed.  He seemed to regain control of himself for a moment when he realized everyone on deck stopped what they were doing to look at him.  He calmly walked back inside the lounge.  As he was closing the door behind him, he stopped and called for Grimshaw.  "Mr. Grimshaw will you join me please."  It wasn't a request and Grimshaw scampered in.  When Grimshaw closed the door, the rest of us looked around at each other.

Frank whispered to me, "It looks like the boss is having some problem with his camera."

"Yeah but the guy's got a cannon for an arm," I whispered back.

"I thought he was going to fall in," Frank said.  Before I could respond, the rope jerked in Frank's gloved hands.  We both turned to look at the net.

"It's a good thing he didn't," I said.  The shark was right there.  I could tell it was just short of ten feet long because it was right above the net.  The jaws opened and chomped down on the bag.  I was mesmerized.  The entire length was pure black.  It looked like a silhouette of a great white.  I couldn't even pick out the black eye against the rest of the skin.  The teeth sparkled white.  It looked very much like a monster.

The burlap bag gave way under the pressure exerted by those jaws and teeth.  Frank turned to look at me before he yelled to the crane operator, "Now!"  That snapped me out of it but I had nothing else to do except watch the net rise under the shark.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grimshaw come up from my left.

"Tell Burns it's here," I said without facing Grimshaw.

Grimshaw didn't respond while he got his first good look at the shark.  We both watched the net rise for a few moments.  It's too slow, I thought.  The shark finished swallowing the bait but it was still interested in the remnants of the bag that was still on the rope.  The shark's interest won't last long.  "Burns is pissed we don't have a camcorder or camera to take pictures of our trip,” Grimshaw said.

"So what?  I'll paint him a picture," I responded.

"He wants pictures so we can put together some souvenirs of the trip."

"He wants souvenirs?  How about the most unique creature ever captured?  Is that enough of a souvenir for him?"

"Not for him you moron.  He wants to sell picture books or even a TV special.  Things like that."

"He's got to be kidding.  That greedy bastard!  He'll probably win the Nobel Prize for best fish story and he's worried about how much money he's going to make.  I already told him that if we catch this monster he's going to have enough money to open up bad aquariums all over the country.  You go tell him that.  I don't have time right now."  Grimshaw just stood there.  I'm sure he didn't want to go back into the lounge without a camera.  "Tell Burns he probably shouldn't have thrown the only camera we had overboard."  I knew I should watch what I say, but I was close to delivering what Zaller had said was impossible just two days ago.  I was right and everybody was going to hear about it.  What was Burns going to do, fire the golden boy?

Once again, though, I was wrong about the crane not being fast enough to catch a shark.  This shark was positioned perfectly in the net as it cleared the water.  The shark thrashed around a bit but I was actually glad to see it.  The blue didn't struggle at all before it flipped out of the net.  Hopefully this one wouldn't conserve its energy in order to make one leap to freedom.

I started to direct the crane operator to swing the shark over to the transport box.  The net swung gently due to the shark's struggling but there didn't appear to be any imminent danger of the shark falling out.  The net moved over the deck.  I reached into the water in the box.  Oh, oh.  I dropped to my knees to try to read the thermometer on the inside of the box.  Eighty-five degrees!  "Stop the crane!  Whoa!  Stop the crane!  Move it back over the water!"  Everyone stared at me including the crane operator.  "Do it!"  I yelled.  The net started to swing back over water.

"What the hell are you doing?  We got him!"  Grimshaw yelled.

"Get some ice!"  I yelled to Grimshaw.  "Everybody get as much ice as you can carry!  Now!"  The crewmen ran to get the ice but Grimshaw just stood there.

"What the hell do we need ice for?"  Grimshaw asked.  Burns must have seen or heard the crew running by the lounge and he came running out towards Grimshaw and I.

"The water in the box is eighty-five degrees!  It's too hot for the shark.  It's been sitting out in the sun for hours.  We have to cool the water before we put the shark in."

"What are you taking about?"  Burns said.  "Great Whites have been caught off Florida, Cuba and even Hawaii.  They can survive in eighty-five degree water.  You!  On the crane!  Bring the shark in!"

"Look Burns," I said, "that shark could die if you put it in there.  You're right great whites can survive in warmer water but those sharks swim to those places through gradually warming water.  Think about it!  You move that shark from sixty-five degree water to eighty-five degree water and the shock alone could kill it!"   The net swung closer and closer to the transport box.  "Tell him to stop!  You've got to trust me."

"Look!  It's starting to slip out a little."  Grimshaw was pointing at the shark.  The crane operator saw the shark sliding.  The entire shark started out with both nose and tail inside the net.  The shark had now wiggled to the point where its mouth, and thus its entire head, was hanging over the side of the net.  The holes in the net were too small for any of the fins to catch and hold the shark in place.  The shark's pectoral fins were spread out like wings on the surface of the net.

I had two choices.  One, I could move the shark back out over water where it would escape but remain alive for another chance, should it fall out of the net.  Two, I could move the net over the transport box where we would have it dead or alive, whether it fell out or not.  "Bring it back over the box," I told the crane operator.  I again thought of the kid.  "We're not letting that monster go free again!"  At this point I figured we'd be heroes for killing this beast mere hours after it attacked a defenseless kid.  I could live with hero status.

I didn't have the same respect for this shark as I did for other great whites.  To me other great whites had some redeeming value.  They were the best at what they did.  They seem to do what they do without having to hide.  They hunted for food when they were hungry.  Of course, they probably were always hungry.  There was majesty to them.  This thing we had in our net looked sneaky to me somehow.  It looked like a great white that was trying to camouflage what it really was by being a different color.  It snuck up on defenseless things and attacked without warning.  I suppose all great whites did that but the color of this one made that normal practice seem evil somehow.

I could reach out and touch the shark now.  It hovered a foot above the warm water in the box.  By now the beginning of the pectoral fin and the last of the gills were at the edge of the net.  We were running out of time.

The shark had only been out of the water for a few minutes but that was more than I wanted it to be.  Unlike most of the other great whites that had been captured and taken to aquariums, this one hadn't had a real struggle while still in the water.  We had a leg up on virtually all the previous attempts to catch a great white alive.  Unfortunately we seemed to be blowing it because I didn't bother checking the water temperature.  I didn't bother changing the water from this morning either so there probably was an oxygen problem of one sort or another that I couldn't begin to worry about.  I'd done most of my reading on the sharks themselves and I neglected trivial things like the shark's ability to breathe in a box for a few hours.  Too late to worry about that now.  I heard some yelling behind us and I turned to see the crew taking turns carrying and sliding a huge red and white cooler, hopefully full of ice.

It took four guys to pick up the cooler to dump it into the transport box.  Since the box contained at least a couple of hundred gallons of water, I assumed we would need about a cooler full of ice.  After all we had to drop the temperature about fifteen degrees or so.  After the ice was poured and the cooler removed I checked the temperature.  At first there appeared to be no change but it then started to drop pretty quickly.  Once the temperature sunk below eighty, I gave the go ahead.  "Ease it down.  Slowly."

"Wait!"  One of the crewmen said next to me.

"Whoa!"  I said.  "What's wrong?"

The crewman reached into the box and pulled out a can of Budweiser.  "This Bud's for you!"  He said to the laughter and applause of the other guys.

"OK.  Bring it down slowly.  Slowly."  The shark was no longer struggling as it was lowered into the water.  Once it was submerged (except for its dorsal and upper caudal fins), the shark still did not move.

"It's dead," somebody said.

"Not yet," I replied.  In the past, captured great whites had to be helped back into swimming form after transport.  A person or two would walk around a tank pushing a great white to get water flowing through its gills again.  I suppose it was not unlike jumpstarting a car battery.  There wasn't much room to maneuver in the box but I didn't know what else to do.  I reached in to pull the shark as far back in the box as I could.  Just before I made contact, though, the shark smashed its tail from side to side.  I nearly had a heart attack and I wasn't alone.  I could see the others scrambling away from the box.  "It's a shark for crying' out loud, not the Creature from the Black Lagoon!"

The shark's tail motion propelled its conical snout into the front of the transport box.  The force of the contact on the most sensitive area of the shark's anatomy seemed to stun the animal momentarily.  After recovering, the shark tried to turn around, but that was impossible.  I didn't want our prize and savior to injure itself so I had to get the pumps on as quickly as possible.  As soon as I flipped the pumps on, the water shot the shark back up against the rear of the box.  The current was way too strong.  I turned the knob to adjust the current as fast as I could.  The flow of water nearly stopped and the shark shot forward smashing its snout again.  I began to feel self-conscious as the others looked on while I beat the hell out of the shark.  Here I was ordering everyone around all day and now I looked like I didn't know what I was doing.

I turned the knob back to what I thought was the middle.  The shark, still stunned, was pushed back a couple of feet before it began swimming normally to keep pace with the current.  Whew, I thought to myself.  That was easy.  I looked at Burns.  He was as happy as I'd ever seen him.

I doubt Burns would have been quite as happy if he realized the difficulties we now faced in transporting a live shark from a boat in the Atlantic Ocean to an aquarium.  Throw in thousands of recreational boats and motor vehicle traffic in and around New York City on a beautiful late Memorial Day afternoon and you had a task that nearly forced me to my knees to weep openly.  This was a task only the truly ignorant could hope to accomplish successfully.  Fortunately, we had a huge supply of ignorance.

"Mr. Burns.  We've got to get this shark to the aquarium as quickly as possible."

"I'll go talk to Pearson.  Maybe he'll need a little extra motivation.  I'll get him to have the boys back at the dock make sure the truck is ready to go.  Anything else?"

"A few prayers would probably help."

Burns snickered.  "Prayers are for the unprepared."  He turned and walked off to the bridge.

I couldn't believe how self-confident Burns was.  He couldn't possibly realize that the entire day was nothing more than pure luck for him.  Maybe not luck, but something like it.  He thought everything was going according to plan.  Nobody could plan what we'd already accomplished and nobody would bet on us to successfully complete the day.  I always thought luck was a streaky thing.  You'd be lucky for a while and then you'd be unlucky for a while.  Since our luck would eventually run out, I just hoped it would last until we got the shark home.  I didn't think it was too much to ask.

Whatever Burns said to Pearson got the job done.  It was like Poseidon himself had taken control of the boat and got us back to Freeport.  The Coast Guard undoubtedly got some complaints due to our speed and huge wake but nobody stopped us to write a ticket or do anything else.  I asked Pearson if it wouldn't make more sense to bring the boat up the Hudson River and dock somewhere in Rockland County.  Pearson said there was some sort of scaled down Fleet Week going on in the harbor.  I always thought Fleet Week was around the Fourth of July, but Pearson said the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln was in town before heading to the Adriatic.  The Port Authority was able to get some tall ships together and there would be two Fleet Weeks this summer.  Besides, according to Pearson we didn't have access to any suitable docking or unloading facilities in Rockland.  The only path from the Atlantic to Pearl River went right through New York City.

On the way in, Burns came back to look at the shark with me.  We both wanted to know what this shark actually was.   A couple of crewmen carried a table out for us to spread out all of Burns' books.  "What I want to know is this a black great white or..."  Burns paused, "is this something else?"

"By 'something else' I assume you mean a carcharodon megalodon?"

"I certainly do," Burns replied.

"You realize that megalodons are considered to be extinct?"  I asked.

"How does anyone really know?  How do you prove something is extinct?  You really don't prove extinction.  As far as anyone knows they are extinct.  It's possible that they are still out there somewhere.  Am I right?"  Burns asked but didn't wait for an answer.  "The only animal that we could catch that could bring in more money than a great white shark is it's long thought extinct ancestor."

"Well the Loch Ness Monster would be right up there," I said.

"We'll save that for next year!"  Burns said.

"I can't wait.  But you're right about no one really knowing whether megalodons are extinct.  In this century, people have found other sea animals that were thought to be extinct.  I can think of at least two off the top of my head.  One was the coelacanth.  The other was actually a shark.  It's called megamouth."  I wasn't sure that was right so I flipped open one of the books.  "Check that.  Nobody knew megamouth even existed!  Nobody thought it was extinct because nobody knew it existed in the first place!"

"So you think it's possible?"  Burns asked.

"Possible, yes.  Anything is possible if it hasn't happened yet.  Sometimes at night I wonder what turn of events would have to occur to allow me to play in next year's Super Bowl.  I've come to the conclusion that an awful lot of other people would have to die for me to play.  Since next year's Super Bowl hasn't been played yet, it's possible I could play in it.  I doubt you'd want to bet on me playing in it though."

"That's not the same thing though."  Burns said.

"No it's not but I'm getting the impression that you're blurring the line between what's possible and what's probable.  Me in the Super Bowl is possible but not probable.  That we have a megalodon is possible but not probable."

"I don't know what's possible or what's probable but I do know no one's seen an animal like the one we have here,” Burns said.  "And the question remains.  What is it?"

"I think there are three possibilities.  One, it's a great white with some skin color abnormality.  Two, its some previously unknown species, like megamouth.  Three, it could be a previously thought extinct species, presumably a megalodon."  Both of us were quiet for a moment.  "Since our aim is to make money, we can't go wrong no matter what it is."

Burns' eyes didn't brighten like I thought they would when I mentioned the financial similarities amongst the three possibilities.  "Let's throw out the new species possibility,” Burns said.

"Okay," I said without asking why.

"What are the differences between a megalodon and a modern great white shark?"  Burns asked.

"The most obvious difference is size.  There's almost as much speculation over the maximum size of modern great whites as there is over the size of megalodons.  I've heard stories about great whites up to thirty-nine feet long.  Supposedly, that one was harpooned off the Azores years ago, but like so many reports it's unconfirmed.  I'd be very skeptical of a report like that.  The actual maximum is probably actually only about half that size.  Seventeen to twenty-three feet is probable.  Anything more than that is highly doubtful."

"What about megalodon?"  Burns asked.

"The problem with trying to pin a maximum size on megalodon is that we only have the teeth to go on.  Researchers would extrapolate a size of megalodon based solely on the tooth size.  It really is only an educated guess.  Some early estimates ranged up to a hundred or a hundred and twenty feet.  Those earlier estimates have been revised down in the last few years to about forty-five to sixty feet."

"Sixty feet,” Burns said shaking his head.

"Sixty feet would make it the second largest predator that has ever lived."

"Behind Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Burns said.

"Actually, no.  The sperm whale is the largest predator that ever lived.  That's the whale from Moby Dick.  We're lucky it doesn't make a habit out of unprovoked attacks on boats," I said.  I didn't mean to correct the boss like I did but I just can't help myself from showing I know more than other people.  I was humbled in law school by others who knew more than I.  Fortunately, real life wasn't like law school.  Sure I was wrong in real life sometimes, but unlike law school there usually isn't someone around to notice.

"You mean megalodon was, is bigger than Tyrannosaurus Rex?  That's incredible!"

"Unfortunately, maximum size doesn't help us much right now.  Whatever animal this is, we can be certain it's not full grown," I said.

"How can we tell how old it is?"  Burns asked.

"We really can't with any reliability.  Just by looking at it, I would say this is a very young animal."

"Why do you say that?  Is that just a guess?"  Burns asked.

"It's an educated guess.  First, this shark is small as great whites and megalodons go.  So it's a safe bet it's young.  Second, there doesn't appear to be any scratches or scars on the skin.  Scratches and scars could come from mating or feeding or whatever.   A newborn shark probably won't have been in as many situations where it could get scratched or bitten as an older shark."

"A newborn?  It's ten feet long!"  Burns said.

"Well, a young great white is probably in the four foot range."

"But this one is ten feet!"  Burns said.

"I would imagine that a newborn megalodon could be about as large as the shark we have," I said.

"There must be some other way to tell!"

"There is one definite way to tell.  But we would need a tooth from this one."

"So let's get one!"  Burns said.

"How?"  I asked.  "I don't know how we get a tooth out of it without endangering either him or us."

"What about drugging it?  We could reach in and get one and the shark would be more relaxed for the ride home," Burns suggested.

I shook my head.  "I've never voluntarily taken any drug stronger than an aspirin.  I wouldn't dare try to drug this thing.  I wouldn't know what to use or what dosage or anything.  And I don't want to risk being the one to kill this shark by mistake.  Whatever it is, it's unique and we shouldn't risk killing it just to find out what it is."

"There's got to be a way to get a tooth out of it," Burns said.

"Why don't you just stick your hand in and grab it?  Or tie a string to a tooth and to a doorknob and just slam the door shut.  You gotta be patient, Mr. Burns.  Great whites and their close relatives have multiple rows of teeth.  They keep replacing them.  There's a good chance a tooth could just fall out while it's feeding.  Once we get it home we can let it bite into something and see if it leaves a tooth."

"All right, but it would be easier to market this thing if we knew what it was,” Burns said.  "What about the tooth can tell you what it is?"

"We could probably find out two things.  We might be able to get a clue to the shark's age.  Younger great whites have thinner, sharper teeth because they usually hunt fish.  Bigger great whites go after bigger game like mammals and need more powerful teeth to cut through bone and flesh.  Humans are rarely attacked by small, young great whites because humans are relatively large compared to most fish."

"What else?"  Burns asked.

"The tooth of a megalodon should have an identifying mark on the back that a great white tooth does not have."

"That's it?"  Burns asked.  "A mark on the back of the tooth?  What about the color of the skin?  Great whites are at least partially white.  What color are megalodons?"

"Nobody has any idea.  They could be plaid for all we know!  The back of the teeth is the only way to tell for sure.  Anything else would just be a guess."

"That's just great!  So all we know now is that we may or may not have the most unique animal ever held in captivity."

"Captivity is still a truck ride through New York City away," I reminded Mr. Burns.

The unloading process was as painless as I dared to dream it would be.  The box was lifted and lowered onto the back of the truck without so much as a glassful of water spilling out.  The shark appeared to be fine to my untrained eye.  I probably wouldn't have realized something was wrong until the shark was floating on its back motionless.  As a kid, I knew my goldfish needed medical attention when they floated motionless.  Even the truck driver looked sober.  He listened to the Met game while the rest of us loaded the shark onto his truck.  I was going to ride in the back with the shark and I was happy to see the green canvas that the fellas were unfolding to cover the entire back of the truck.  I got more than enough sun on the boat.

Right off the bat, we got stuck at the first traffic light.  The sun beat down on the canvas while we waited for the longest red light in the free world to change.  I was roasting.  It didn't help that the fumes from the truck's diesel engine and the transport box's gasoline engine combined to provide a knockout punch that nearly sent me headfirst in with our man-eating passenger.  I knocked on the back window of the truck.  "Pull over!"

"Why?"  The driver asked.

"Because I'm going to be dead if you don't!"  We pulled over into a convenience store parking lot.  The car Burns and Grimshaw were in pulled in behind the truck.  I began rolling up the canvas.

"What are you getting, a Slurpee?"  Grimshaw yelled out the car window.

"Yeah, and a burrito, you jackass!"

Once the canvas top was rolled up we finally got going again but we got caught at every red light on the way to the highway.  Each time the driver made an attempt to make it only to jam on his brakes at the last second.  I was sliding around the back of the truck with an empty one-gallon gasoline container.  Every time the driver hit the brakes the gas can flew into me.  I couldn’t stand it any more.  I stood up, grabbed the can and punted it out of the truck and into a vacant lot at the corner of the intersection.  "Oh!  He got all of that one!  Look at that hang time!"

The driver watched me through his rearview mirror.  "What'd do that for?"

"If you stop short again I'm gonna punt your ass all over the street!  You got me?"  Of course, he continued to stop short every chance he got but my right foot was throbbing after kicking the can and I was sweating like the proverbial pig so I just endured it.

The next two hours were pure hell.  We barely made it into Queens.  The Memorial Day traffic heading back into the City from the Long Island beaches creeped along.  Cars lined the shoulders after overheating.  Of course, over a dozen overheated cars sat in driving lanes so the truck moved like a slalom skier in ultra-slow motion.  The only thing that broke up the boredom in that frying pan on wheels was the threat on my life.  Everyone was afraid to use their air conditioners due to the likelihood of over heating, so people were driving with their windows open.  At one point, the shark thrashed its tail wildly and water splashed over the side and into the open driver's side window of the late 70's model Cadillac next to us.  The driver stuck his head out the window, looked at me and got out of his car.  He was at least a foot taller than me and easily double my weight.  "I hope you have your will up to date, little man!  Cause I'm gonna hurt you real bad!"  I was frightened like a little girl.  He jumped up the side of the truck and saw the shark.  He jumped back down.  "What the hell is that?"  He climbed back into his car.  His lane moved faster than ours and he gave me the finger on the way by.

"Aw, crap!"  The driver yelled.

"What now?"

"The Mets just blew a three run lead in the ninth."

"Are you planning on going past Shea?"  I asked.

"I wasn't going to but it depends on what the Throg's Neck and Whitestone look like."

"How many showed up for the game?"  I asked.

"I don't know.  Fifty thousand or so.  Why?"

"You're thinking about driving past Shea Stadium just as fifty-thousand disgruntled New Yorkers are bailing out after a Met loss?  For all we know it was Firearms Day today!  Take the Throgs Neck!"

"Whatever you say."

"And why don't you turn off the game and turn on a news station so we can find out if the Tappan Zee or the George Washington Bridge is better?"  The driver turned the station.

"Once again our top story.  The young boy who was attacked by the shark on Fire Island has died.  He died just a few minutes ago apparently from injuries suffered in the attack.  Of course we'll keep you updated as more details become available.  We now return to the Alan Simpson show."  The radio blurted.

I knew the kid wouldn't live.  "You can turn it.  I've heard enough."  I looked at the shark.  It just kept swimming.  I scrambled over to the box.  It just kept swimming.  I put my left hand on the side of the box and raised my right fist.  I brought my fist down right on the snout of the shark and drove it into the bottom of the box.  The car behind us beeped.

"What's wrong with you?"  I heard Grimshaw yell.  The shark was momentarily stunned but then returned to swimming.  My fist was bleeding.

"For our last hour, we'd like to hear what you think about the shark attack.  Give us a call and tell us what you think.  Jeff from Flushing, you're on the air!"

"Hey Alan.  I'm a long time listener, first time caller."

"Welcome to the show.  What do you think about the shark attack?"

"First, my heart goes out to the kid's family.  It's terrible to lose a kid like that.  I would like to say though, that the blame for this should fall squarely on the shoulders of that idiot at Gracie Mansion!  You take thousands of city kids to the beach and something bad is going to happen.  He should have known!"

"How could the Mayor have known a killer shark was out there?  C'mon Jeff!  Give 'em a break!"

"Look Alan.  I didn't say he should have known a shark was going to be there.  I said he should have known that something, some tragedy, was going to happen."

"Jeff, thanks for calling.  Next time don't forget to take your medication before you call!  That was Jeff from Flushing, ladies and gentlemen.  Jeff's still fighting the sauce but we wish him well.  Don't forget Magic Carpet, folks.  You call 555-CARPET and an hour later you got three sweaty guys hauling out your old, stained carpet and installing your brand new one.  Don't put up with that old, smelly carpet another minute!  Call 555-CARPET right now!  Speaking of old and smelly, Eli from Washington Heights is on the air.  Alright Eli, let me guess, the shark's a racist right?"

"Not quite Alan, but look at the symbolism.  A little black boy is killed by a great white.  It's fitting.  The genocide continues!"

"Eli, come back to us!  Do you have a black and white TV, Eli?"

"No, I don't, Alan."

"Well whatever you got, I suggest you adjust the color.  The shark was black, Eli!  Black!"

"Alan, I'm not a marine biologist..."

"You don't have to be Eli!  The shark was black, admit it!"

"The shark's color isn't the point..."

"Admit it, Eli!  Admit it!"

"No!"

"Admit it or you're gone!"

"No!"

"Goodbye, Eli.  Eli's now going to file a petition with the Department Of Ridiculous Complaints.  Yes folks, that would be DORCS."  Alan Simpson gave way for a canned commercial.

"I hate Eli from Washington Heights.  Everything is race to that guy.  He's the biggest racist I've ever heard,” the driver said.

"Two thousand people are murdered in this city every year and nobody cares.  A shark kills a kid and people are consumed by it."  I was thinking out loud.

"Well, what are you gonna do?"  The driver said.  I looked at the shark.  Good question, I thought.

The Throngs Neck Bridge was frozen.  Some people turned off their cars and got out to take in the view of Manhattan in the haze.  A few looked quickly at our truck but no one bothered to come over.  Based on the callers’ reactions on the radio, I was glad no one realized what we had in the transport box.  Most callers, after expressing regret at the boy's death, seemed to be intrigued by the fact of a dangerous animal so close to home.  A city the size of New York has horrible stories of human agony every day, but a shark attack was different.  A man-eating monster brought excitement even to New York City.

The callers that weren't intrigued were mad as hell.  They were mad at the mayor.  They were mad at the shark.  Some were mad at white people and their indifference to the death of a little black boy.  "If that shark killed a little white boy, that shark would already be in the dead!"  That one sentence by an angry caller summed up the attitude of many.

I stood up in the back of the truck and looked at the Bronx.  I was born in the Bronx and spent a lot of time on Fordham Road when my grandmother used to live there.  I don't remember how many Yankee games I'd been to.  The Bronx Zoo was where my family went every year for my birthday.  I always will have a special place in my heart for the Bronx.  I didn't want to go there today though.

"We're now going to go live to a press conference being held by the family of young Tommy Johnson.  Of course, Johnson was the young boy that was killed by the shark.  We go there now live..."

"As most of you know, my name is Reverend Willy Walker.  The Johnson family has expressed their desire for me to be their spokesman."

"I can't believe Walker's involved in this now.  If I had a gun, the first person I'm shooting is that scumbag," the driver said.

"You're not the only one," I said.

"Of course the family is devastated.  But their grief is tempered by their anger," Walker said.  "The family and the entire community should be outraged at the mayor!  It was the mayor who sent little Tommy to the jaws of death!  But more importantly, our community should be outraged at white America.  Where is the call to hunt down the animal that took this boy's arm?  No white person is interested in justice here!  They are more interested in finding out more about this animal.  They don't want to kill it!  They want to thank it!  They're glad this monster eliminated one more black face from their midst!  Where is the justice?  Where?  A black boy is dead and there is no cry for justice from whites!  If a white boy was dead, the shark would already be dead!  No one can dispute that fact!  Until there is justice, there will be no peace!  I urge people to take to the streets until the killer is brought to justice!  Nothing less is acceptable!  The Johnson family deserves at least that!"

"I can't listen to anymore of this!"  The driver turned the station.  The Mets' post game show was wrapping up.  I thought about Walker's words.  Any sane person would just dismiss his rantings.  Unfortunately, not everybody is sane.  If anybody in the country was going to listen to what Walker said, it would be people in neighborhoods we were going to pass through on the way home.  Assuming, of course, that we'd actually get moving again.  The only time I'd seen traffic this bad was a rainy Sunday years ago as my father and I tried to get home from the only Jet game of our lives at Shea Stadium.  It seemed every possible route home was blocked that night.   After that I knew why my father was a Giants fan.

After the post game show, a traffic report finally came on.  "Avoid the Throng’s Neck," the voice said.  "And if you're trying to cross the Hudson River this evening, you may not be home until Labor Day.  The tunnels are still your best bet, but they're getting worse.  The GW is better than the Tappan Zee, only because the Tappan Zee is completely closed westbound due to an overturned camper.  It's going to be a long night."

Finally cars started moving again, but then we had to wait for everyone to get back in their cars.  Horns blasted for five minutes straight.  The shark was still swimming and I wondered if it knew what the hell was going on.  I guessed that this would be the first great white to drive through the Bronx.

One good thing about driving on the Cross Bronx Expressway at five miles an hour is that the potholes don't seem as bad.  Sure I thought the truck would flip over in some of the bigger ones but I didn't miss the rattling of my spine that would have occurred if we approached double-digit m.p.h.  Eventually we passed the wreck that caused us to stop on the bridge.  There was a wood paneled Country Squire station wagon with a smashed windshield and a severely damaged driver's side door.  There was a hole completely through the windshield.  Three other cars I could not identify were on flatbed pickup trucks.  I couldn't identify these other cars because they looked like a wrecking ball hit them.

"People drive like asses," our driver said to me.  I looked up at the city streets surrounding the concrete canyon that the Expressway plowed through.  I saw dozens of cops with their helmets on.  It would have looked like an ambush in the wild west except the cops surrounding the canyon had their backs to us.  I looked back at the windshield of the station wagon.  Its windshield was curved inward towards the hole.  Something hit the windshield and caused it to give inward until it finally broke.

I ducked instinctively as a rock clanged off the floor of the truck and rattled off the railing before spinning at my feet.  I dove for cover behind the transport box.  "What happened?"  The driver yelled to me.

"They're throwing rocks!"  I wished I'd left the canvas on the back of the truck now.  "Turn the news station back on will you?  We gotta know what the hell's going' on!"

The driver tuned the radio to the strongest news station.  "The Cross Bronx Expressway was closed earlier after rocks and bricks were thrown onto passing cars.  At least seven motorists have been hospitalized with what have been called life-threatening injuries.  Others have been hospitalized with less severe injuries.  Emergency personnel responded, including a huge police presence.  Despite the police, rocks are reportedly still being thrown onto the roadway.  Traffic is moving again though.  Police are urging motorists to avoid the area."

"This rock throwing is the most violent incident so far but reports throughout the city indicate an increasing level of violence.  Two police stations have had firebombs thrown at them but no injuries have been reported.  In Washington Heights a mob has overturned a police car.   We have no report on the whereabouts of the officer or officers that were driving the car.  Stay tuned for updates throughout the evening.  Again our top story:  The increasing violence in the aftermath of the shark attack early this afternoon."  After a commercial break, the news turned to national, international, sports and traffic reports.

"Seems like our shark has caused quite a commotion," the driver said.

"Tell me about it."

"We'll be lucky to get out of here alive."

"The two police officers who were driving the police car that was overturned by a mob in Washington Heights are dead.  Details are still coming in.”  The driver and I made eye contact through his rear view mirror.  The driver turned down the volume.

"Did you hear that?"  He asked me.

"Yeah," I said.

"It's not your fault, you know?"

"Yeah," I said but I thought, My fault? How is this my fault? Why would he even suggest that it was my fault?  "Hey, turn the radio back up.  No, actually I'm gonna come up there with you when we stop again."  I was pissed but I didn't want to be a target out on the back of the truck.

Just as I slipped into the passenger seat the newscaster announced, "Police are now reporting that snipers are targeting motorists on the West Side Highway.  Motorists are encouraged to avoid the West Side Highway.  In fact, you should be advised to stay out of the City altogether.  We're now getting reports from LaGuardia Airport that shots have been fired at airplanes both in the air and on the ground.  Flights in and out of LaGuardia have been suspended.  Actually flights into LaGuardia are being directed to other airports not including Kennedy Airport, which we understand is also suspending all flights until further notice.  We have been asked to pass on a request that you not call the airlines for outgoing flights but only to find out where incoming flights will be landing.  All outgoing flights have been suspended so don't call about them.  Only call if you need to know where an incoming flight is headed.  I believe we're now going to go live to City Hall where the Mayor is expected to hold a press conference.  OK we're now going to City Hall."

"The violence we've seen in the last few hours has forced us to make some difficult decisions.  All New York City police officers are to contact their supervisors for instructions.  I'll leave the details up to them.  I'm asking for a voluntary dusk to dawn curfew.  We need all law-abiding citizens to remain indoors for their own safety.  We'll not seek to impose a mandatory curfew because we don't have the resources to enforce it.  One thing I will order is the immediate suspension of gasoline distribution into any non-vehicles.  We've had some firebombs and other unfortunate incidents today and we don't want to make arson any easier than it has to be.  I've been in contact with the Governor and I've requested that National Guard troops be mobilized in order to reinforce the city police.  I have the utmost confidence in our police.  They've demonstrated their ability to handle difficult situations in the past and I know they will continue to do so now.  The National Guard will only bolster those efforts not replace them.  I'll take just a couple of questions.  Yeah, Susan."

"Mr. Mayor, are you concerned that the cops will be out of control after seeing two of their own killed?"  Susan asked.

"Cops are human.  They're going to be angry and they have a right to be.  But they're also professionals and the best in the world.  I have no concerns that they will act appropriately.  Yeah, go ahead."

"Do you feel in any way responsible for the events here today?  After all you sent the kids to the beach and the shark attack appears to be the...”

"That's ridiculous!  A freak of nature gives no one the right to go on a rampage.  We will find out who's responsible for all this violence today and punishment will be severe.  Last question!"

"Sir, race appears to be the driving factor in the incidents today..."

"These questions are ridiculous!  How can you say race is a factor?  We all saw two cops murdered in the line of duty.  One was white and one was black.  Race isn't the problem here!  The problem is criminals with no regard for law or human life!"  It sounded like dozens of questions were yelled out when the Mayor finished his response.  One was audible above all the rest though.

"What about the rumors that a boat lured the shark to the beach?"

"We're looking into everything!  If we find evidence that the shark was lured, we will find the guilty party!  I will make it my sole purpose in life to see they're held accountable!"

I was sweating but it wasn't just the heat anymore.  I could feel the tension well up in my neck.  I couldn't even turn my head.  Why did we bring Grimshaw with us?

"I need a new job," the driver said.  "This isn't worth it."

"We're almost out of the Bronx.  We'll make it.  We can see the light at the end of the tunnel," I said.

"That doesn't look like light to me."  The driver pointed up through the windshield at a line of the blackest clouds I'd seen outside of a movie.  The sun was just about to dip behind them.  "Looks like it's still over Jersey."

"The cop's best friend," I said.

"What is?"

"Inclement weather.  Criminals hate rain and rioters despise it."  We were crossing the Harlem River into Manhattan.  We were as close to the violence in Washington Heights as I wanted to get but we were also just a couple of miles away from escaping the City.  "It should all be downhill from here."  At that moment a wave of brake lights rolled back through the cars in front of us.  "What now?"

"You spoke too soon."

""I don't think we're ever going to...” I heard the generator on the transport box sputtering.  I looked back and saw the shark thrashing around.  The truck came to a stop and I opened the door and climbed around to the back.  The shark was all the way to the front of the box.  Its snout was pushed to one of the corners and its body was turned.  The struggling of the shark diminished noticeably.  I knelt down to look at the motor powering the pumps.  "We gotta get off here!  Get off here!"  I yelled to the driver.

"Are you insane!  Don't you know where we are?"

"Yeah, I know where we are!  But we need gas for the box or the shark will die and this whole day will be wasted!  Now get off!"

"No!  I'm not dying for this!"  The driver yelled.  "No way!  Screw the shark and screw you!"

I looked at Burns' car behind us.  I motioned for him to roll down his window.  He did.  He stuck his head out and made a disgusted face.  "What's the problem?  These fumes are killing me!"

"The box ran out of gas!  Our friend's gonna die if we don't get more gas!"

"So pull over and get more gas!  Just do it!  I'll reimburse you for the out-of-pocket expense!  I'm good for it!"  Burns pulled his head back in and started to roll up the window.

"This jackass is afraid to pull over!  He thinks he's going to die!"

Burns stuck his head back out.  "Tell him I'll double his salary!"

"Burns will double your salary if you pull over!"  I relayed the message to the driver.

"Tell Burns to triple it and I'll pump the gas myself!"

"Ah, a man of principle," I said.  "He wants triple!"  I yelled to Burns.

"Fine!  Let's go!"  The truck flew up the exit ramp.

"There's a station on the corner!"  I said.  The truck pulled in.

"What do you want?  The super?"  The driver asked as he tried to angle the truck next to a pump.  I jumped off the back of the truck and scrambled over to the pumps.

"I think the regular will be sufficient," I said.  I grabbed the hose but there was no way it was going to reach above the railings along the bed of the truck.

"Here let me do it," the driver said as he took the dispenser out of my hands.  He tried to jam it through the openings in the side of the railing but it wasn't working.

"We need a little gas can!  You got a little gas can?"  I asked the driver.  I could see that some of the locals were beginning to take an interest in the truck and us.  "We're not in Kansas anymore."

"I did have a gas can but some idiot drop kicked out on Long Island somewhere!"

I put my head in my hands.  "Do you have anything else?"

Grimshaw leaned out the car window and yelled, "Will you hurry up?"  The driver and I both turned and gave Grimshaw the finger.

"I may have one thing," he said as he reached behind the seat of the truck.  He pulled out an old, empty half-gallon container of Yoo-Hoo.  "Let's try this."  He held out the container as I angled the nozzle into the open top.  I pulled the trigger and nothing came out.  "Did you pull the trigger?"

"Yes!  I pulled the damn trigger!  It's not working!"  I turned and saw a man in the door of the convenience mart at the station watching us.  "Let me talk to this guy.  Hold on."  I walked over and the guy just watched me.  "Will you turn on the pumps please?  We need some gas."  He just stood there.  "What?  Is this prepay or what?  Here's a buck.  We just need half a gallon.  Come on."

"You're at the full service island," he said.

"Well would you come out and serve us then?"

"No."

"Why not?" I asked.

"We're closed," he said.

"I'll give you ten bucks to open for just a minute.  Ten bucks for a half-gallon of gas!  You can't do better than that!"

"Someone who'd pay ten dollars for a gallon of gas would surely pay twenty dollars," he said.

"Okay, okay!" I said and he opened the door.  "I'll take a carton of Yoo-Hoo too.  How much?"

"That will bring the total to twenty-five dollars.  Cash only," he said.

"Five dollars for a carton of Yoo-Hoo.  I wish I had a coupon."  I fished around for twenty-five dollars in my wallet.  "Price gouging's illegal, you know."

"So's dispensing gasoline into a Yoo-Hoo container.  But I won't tell if you won't."

"The Better Business Bureau is going to hear from me," I threatened.

"Bite me," he said.

"Fair enough."

I started drinking the Yoo-Hoo as I walked back to the truck.  I was so thirsty I,  I just had to have a drink.  I didn't care where we were, I was going to drink.  I walked over to the pump and held the empty Yoo-Hoo in my left hand so the driver could fill it with gas.  My right hand was throwing back the Yoo-Hoo.  Just as the driver finished dispensing the gas a police car pulled in.  "Alright," I said.  "The cops are here."  I was concerned for our safety because more and more people were looking at the truck and us.  I was beginning to feel like Custer.  We were in enemy territory and we were defenseless.  The cops would change that.

The doors to the police car opened but the cops slid out and ducked behind the doors.  I'd seen enough TV to know there must be some trouble so I ducked too.  I was careful not to spill either of the two precious liquids I had in my hands.  "Put 'em down!"  One of the cops yelled.  I was hunched over and I turned my head from side to side to see who he was talking to.  I didn't see anyone doing anything suspicious.  I looked back at the cops.  "Put 'em down!"  The cop said again.

"Who?  Me?"  I said.

"Yes!  You!  Put em' down!  Now!"

"I don't have..."

"Do it!"

"I don't have anything!  It's gas and a Yoo-Hoo!"  I said.

"Put both Yoo-Hoos down!  Now!  This is your last chance!"

I squinted a little and saw the guns pointed at me.  "Okay, okay!"  I set both Yoo-Hoo containers down.

"Now step away from them!  Put your hands on your head and lie face down!"  I did as I was told.  The cops walked over and frisked me.

"Look, officers.  We have the shark."  I said.

"What?  Just shut up!  Do you think arson's funny?"

"Look in the back of the truck!  We have the shark that killed the kid!  We're trying to keep it alive but the motor we're using ran out of gas.  The hose wouldn't reach over the railing and the Yoo-Hoo was the only container we had.  We're not arsonists!  I've never even gotten a traffic ticket in my life!  Go look for yourself!"  At that moment the shark splashed some water out of the box.  The cops were startled momentarily.

"You've gotta be kidding me!"  One cop climbed up the side of the truck.  "He's not lying.  The shark is right here."

"We're taking it up to Rockland County.  Up to the Aquarium up there," I said.

I could overhear the cops talking between themselves.  "I say we let 'em go.  I don't want to deal with this.  I don't want to be held responsible if somebody wants this shark alive or anything else," the first said.

"What if we brought 'em in?  This is the kind of thing that get's you noticed," the second replied.

"Screw that.  This whole situation is such a mess and I don't want to be right in the middle of it!  Let's get 'em out of here and the Port Authority boys or whoever handle it."

"I guess you're right.  I wouldn't want to give the mob any satisfaction anyway.  This shark dead is just what they want.  They're gonna go ballistic if this thing is allowed to swim around an aquarium for the rest of its life."   They paused for a moment.  "I advise you guys to get across that bridge in a hurry.  We've got a report that protestors are on their way to close the GW."

"Thanks officers," I said as I reached for the Yoo-Hoo containers.  "May I fill up the tank on the box?"

"Yeah, go ahead.  Quickly!"

"Aren't you guys going to stop the protestors from blocking the bridge?"  The driver asked.

"It isn’t our problem.  It's up to the Port Authority boys to stop 'em.  They've got those big batons they use.  'Protestor be-good sticks.'  Nothing like an old-fashioned ass-whooping, with the protestors providing the asses.  I can assure you, you don't want to be without a stick when the fun starts up there, so get out of here."

"Thanks officers,” I said.  I thanked people who had guns trained on my head just moments before.  It was a strange day.  The cops left as I poured the gas in the box's gas tank and restarted the motor.  My heart skipped a beat as the shark was carried by the current to the back of the box.  I thought it was dead.  They looked the same dead as they did alive to me.  The only difference was the dead ones didn't move.  I reached in with both hands to move the shark back and forth.  I tried to get the water flowing through the gills again.  The shark had been motionless for at least fifteen to twenty minutes while we got the gas.  Plus the water it was in was probably no longer properly oxygenated or whatever.  Just as I figured the shark was dead, it started swimming again.  I guess they weren’t as delicate as I was lead to believe.  I was going to stay with the shark but a loud crack of thunder echoing through the canyon of buildings drove me back to the passenger seat.  We were on our way again.

We got back on the highway but traffic was crawling along.  We finally came out from under the buildings that the highway runs underneath only to find torrents of rain cascading down.  Once we got up to the bridge we saw what some of the delay was.  Drivers were slowing down to look at the dozens of Port Authority cops in full riot gear lining both sides of the bridge.  We didn't see a single protestor.  I noticed the green and black electronic message sign above us flash.  Gone was "HAVE A SAFE HOLIDAY."  "CAUTION WET ROADWAY SPEED LIMIT 35," replaced it.  "How fast are we going?"  I asked the driver.

"We're traveling at just a shade under five miles an hour.  That's a guess because the speedometer has no marks between zero and ten."

The sign flashed to "ROUTE 9W CLOSED USE ALTERNATE ROUTE."  "That's just great!"  I said and kicked the dashboard.

"What now?"  The driver asked.

"9W's closed.  Do you know any alternate routes?"

"Well, we'd have to go into Jersey and..."

I interrupted, "Just take the Palisades then.  We don't have all night!"

"We can't take the Palisades.  The Palisades Parkway doesn't allow commercial vehicles, only passenger cars!"

"We don't have a choice!  This is an emergency!  That shark isn't going to make it if we're driving around Jersey all night!"

"What if I get pulled over?"

"You won't.  Even if you do, I'll just explain the situation," I said.

"Oh yeah.  That's what we need.  We nearly got our heads blown off trying to get gas!"

"Why don't you just drive?  Okay?  You're not a driver\commentator.  You're just the driver."

The truck exited right off the bridge.  The Palisades would take us within a couple of miles or so of the Aquarium.  We passed the tollbooths on our left.  Thankfully there was only a toll southbound if you wanted to take the George Washington Bridge.  I just hoped nobody noticed the truck barreling up the Palisades.  I figured the tollbooth area was the most dangerous for us because there usually seemed to be a police presence around them.  I wonder if they have trouble with people unwilling or unable to shell out four bucks (it couldn't be five now, could it?) to cross a half-mile bridge.

We rounded the bend and the tollbooths disappeared.  Since there were no flashing lights behind us, I figured we were home free.  Other drivers leaned on the horn as they passed us and several gave us the finger.  Such upstanding citizens.  They got angry because we were breaking the law.  Of course, many were nearly doubling the speed limit.  Even the beeping couldn't keep me awake, though.  My eyelids got heavier and heavier.  I leaned my head against the passenger side window.  That lasted less than a minute because my head kept getting knocked into the window every time we hit a bump.  Finally, I just rested my chin on my chest and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I didn't remember where I was.  I opened my eyes to find a line of saliva from my mouth to a big wet spot on my shirt.

"You really should do something about you're drooling problem," the driver said.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"We're almost out of Jersey.  There's the sign for New York.  You need a bib or something?"

I made a face like I was laughing so hard it was painful.  I stopped and looked at the Welcome to New York sign.  Governor Mario Cuomo.

As we came up to an on-ramp, a speeding car emerged from behind the trees on the ramp.  The car didn't signal to enter the highway but we moved into the passing lane to give it room.  "That's a cop!" I said.  It was dark but I could make out the lights on top of the car.  "Slow down!  Don't pass him.  Maybe he won't notice us."  The truck slowed to fifty, then to forty-five, but the police car didn't get any farther away from us.  He was matching our speed.

"I gotta speed up!"  The driver said.

"No!  Just wait him out!  He'll move on.  It's just a couple of more miles."

"We're gonna be rammed!  Look!" the driver said.

I turned and looked out the back window and saw two lines of headlights gaining on us rapidly.  "Get back in the slow lane!"  The driver signaled and swerved back into the slow lane.  The police car was about thirty yards ahead of us.  We were under forty miles per hour now.  The first car blew past us on the left.  He must have been going ninety.  The other cars all scrambled to get in the left lane to pass us.  Some flashed us the brights.  Others beeped as they got stuck behind us, unable to get in the left lane as the pack moved past us.  The first car that had past us blew right past the cop too.  The cop turned on his flashing lights and sped up to chase the speeder.  The other cars that passed us now were hitting their brakes as they saw the police car.  We sped back up to fifty-five.  The cop was getting out of his car on the shoulder to talk with the speeder, when we barreled by.  "Oh God!  Look out!"  I yelled.  The driver swerved into the left lane.  The pack of cars behind us slammed on their breaks.  No one even had time to beep.

"What?" The driver screamed.

"The side mirror nearly took the cop's head off!  That's what!" I looked back and saw the cop scrambling for his wide brimmed state trooper hat.  I looked until my corneas were destroyed when the driver behind flashed his brights at us.  "We took the cop's hat off!"

"It probably just blew off!"

"Whatever!  That was too close!  Speed up and let's get out of here."

"I don't want to get a ticket," the driver said.  "Besides he's not going to catch us now."

"It's not him I'm worried about.  He's got a radio and radio waves move a little faster than this truck.  If one of his buddies pulls us over now, they'll screw us royally."

"You said you'd explain the situation if we got pulled over,” the driver reminded me.

"That was before we nearly decapitated one!"

Minutes later we reached the Pearl River exit.  For the first time ever, I was in a vehicle that drove through the five stoplights between the Palisades and the town without stopping at every single one.  It's a good thing we didn't have to stop because the shark was no longer moving in the tank.

The truck swung around the back of the Aquarium to the service entrance.  A security guard opened the gate and we drove right to the main tank.  Burns must have made some calls from his car phone because the crane we needed was already set up.  "What took you guys so long?"  Said the crane operator.  I'd seen him around but I didn't know his name.

"Traffic," Grimshaw answered as he and Burns walked over from the car.

"Traffic and anarchy," I said.

"How's he doing?"  Burns asked me.

"Not good,” I answered.  "I think he stopped swimming in the last few minutes.  We'd better hurry.  It may already be too late."

"I don't want to hear that," Burns said.

I climbed up onto the bed of the truck.  "Swing it around," I said to the crane operator.  He did.  "Okay, now bring it down."  Another guy ran over with a stretcher for the shark.  At least it looked like a stretcher.  "We don't need that.  We just lowered the net in with the shark and left it in the box for the ride."  I wasn't sure if we should have left the net in the box earlier but I was glad we did now.  It would save precious minutes.

I hooked the four corners of the net onto the big hook suspended from the crane.  I reached into the box and pulled the motionless shark into position directly over the net.  "Take it up!"  The shark rose out of the box.  "Okay, now over to the tank!"

I began to worry that the shark wasn't going to swim once it was in the tank.  I'd seen and read enough to know that the only way to revive the shark was to jump in the tank and move it around to get the water flowing through the gills.  The absolute last thing I wanted to do today was jump in a tank with two ten-foot sand tiger sharks at night in order to revive a great white (or megalodon, whichever it was).  I didn't go to law school to swim with sharks.

I didn't have to worry.  As soon as the shark was submerged, it shot out of the net under its own power.  "Thank God!"  I said.  "We did it!"

Burns ran over and hugged me.  "We sure did!  What a day!  I knew you could do it!  I said you could do it!"

Grimshaw walked over and we shook hands.  "Congratulations," he said.

"Thanks," I said.  Now I felt bad for being mean to him all day.  It wasn't his fault.  He was out of his element.  "I'm sorry about some of the things I said today, I didn't mean it."

"Apology accepted."  Now I was mad at myself for apologizing to this jerk.  I was right to get mad when he made the chum slick at Jones Beach.  He could still ruin everything because of what he did today.

"Hey we were all under a lot of stress today.  Why don't we all go home and get a good night's sleep.  We're going to have a big day tomorrow.  There's going to be a huge crowd here," Burns said.

"Tomorrow?"  I said.  It wasn't so much a question as a statement.  "I don't think that's such a good idea."

Burns and Grimshaw looked at me like I was kidding.  "What are you saying?"  Grimshaw asked.

"I'm saying tensions around here are going to be pretty high tomorrow."

"So what?"  Grimshaw said.

"So, I think we should stay closed for a few days and let people calm down a bit.  We don't want any trouble to..."

"What are you talking about?  We go out and catch a shark and now you don't want to display it?  What was the point of catching it?"  Grimshaw asked.  I could see Burns wanted the answers to those same questions.

"This shark killed a little boy today.  That sparked riots.  When the public finds out that we caught the shark, we have no idea what the reaction will be."

"So what are you suggesting?"  Burns asked.

"I'm suggesting we keep the place closed for a couple of days until people calm down."

"How many days are you thinking?"  Burns asked.

"I think we should stay closed until Saturday.  Funerals for the people who died today should be over by Friday.  Of course, it may be longer depending on autopsies and all that.  For now, I think we should plan on Saturday."

"I think you're wrong!"  Grimshaw said.

"How long have great whites been kept alive in captivity before?"  Burns asked.

"Well, it's hard to...” I didn't want to concede the fatal flaw in my position.

"Just give me a straight answer.  I don't want any B.S."  Burns said.

"Less than a week.  Usually only a couple of days or hours."

"I see,” Burns said.

"But think about this.  During the week we could let word slip out that we caught the shark.  Word has probably slipped out already.  Let the rumors fly.  The publicity will grow.  We won't confirm or deny anything until Wednesday or Thursday.  We can stretch it out for the whole week.  We'll be on the front page of every newspaper in the civilized world for a week.  If you open tomorrow, it's a one-day story.  Let's drag it out.  Anticipation is usually better than whatever you're anticipating.  Make the public wait a while.  They'll want it more."

"You may have something there,” Burns said.

"Just weigh the pros and cons of waiting.  If we wait, we lessen the possibility of trouble.  And we drive up the curiosity level.  Also we can figure out what the hell it is," I said.  "It'll be easier to market."

Burns seemed to agree with me but Grimshaw was shaking his head.  "So the only con is the shark will probably be dead before we open.  Correct?"  Grimshaw said.  I didn't bother answering Grimshaw.  I just stared at him.

Burns put his hand over his mouth and looked up at the sky.  "We'll open on Friday," he said.

Before we headed to our respective homes, Grimshaw, Burns and I went down to the observation area to look at the shark.  It was dark but we could make out the silhouette of the shark.  It was swimming around the tank slowly.  It seemed to just join the two sand tigers in a slow, unending race around the tank.  The sand tigers were only about ten feet apart from each other, and they kept the newest arrival on the other side of the tank from them at all times.  I don't know if it was a conscious effort on their parts or what.

"Should we worry about the sand tigers ganging up on our star?"  Burns asked me.

"I don't think so.  Most large sharks stick pretty much to themselves, except for hammerheads.  There have been some reports of great whites acting in concert but nothing has really been verified.  The new guy should be all right," I said.

"Do you think he'll live?"  Grimshaw asked.

"I thought he'd be dead by now," I said.  "There's nothing more I can do for him.  We need a real marine biologist now."  I turned to Burns.  "Catching him was relatively easy compared to keeping him alive.  We were lucky to find and catch him, but it'll take a lot more than luck to keep him alive."

"You've done a great job so far," Burns said.

"But I have no idea how to care for it.  I don't know if one type of food is better than another.  I don't know what to do if it gets sick.  We need an expert.  This animal is too rare and valuable to put in the hands of an amateur like me."

"All right, I'll make some calls.  What are you going to do?"  Burns asked.

"Well, my knowledge of sharks has been pretty much exhausted at this point.  I don't think I can be of much more help.  If anything happened to the shark, I'd just be a spectator like everyone else.  If I'm not here and something happens I want to know about it, though.  I may be able to help but I wouldn't count on it."

"If you're not going to be here, where else would you be?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"I'll be at the law library in my father's office downtown.  As I see it, the biggest problem we could face now are legal challenges.  People are going to be tempted to sue us."  I pointed at Grimshaw.  "I think you and I should do some serious research tomorrow on virtually any issue somebody might raise."

"Why go to your father's office?  We can just use my library," Grimshaw said.

"I'd rather not.  If people start connecting us to the shark, the media might show up at your office.  I don't think we should make any comments tomorrow.  Let's wait until Wednesday.  We'll hold a press conference at noon on Wednesday here at the Aquarium.  Mr. Burns, when the media shows up tomorrow, don't speak to them yourself.  Just release a statement announcing a press conference for noon on Wednesday."

"How does one actually go about releasing a statement?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"I don't know!  Just type a sentence on a sheet of paper and make copies available to reporters that show up," I said.  "It shouldn't be that difficult."  I looked at Burns, and then turned back to Grimshaw.  "Oh, before I forget, would you find a top notch litigation firm that Mr. Burns can contact."

"I thought you guys were going to do research tomorrow?  What do I need a litigation firm for?"  Burns asked.

"For insurance.  Grimshaw and I will do research tomorrow and Wednesday if we have to.  On Thursday we'll hold another press conference and talk about legal issues.  Not the facts just the law with our own spin on it.  I think we can scare away a lot of lawsuits with a preemptive strike.  We need a litigation firm to defend any lawsuits that get through."

"Why don't we just have the litigation firm do everything?"  Grimshaw asked.

"Because Mr. Burns has had bad experiences with outside attorneys and because I don't trust anyone more than I trust myself.  Besides we need to act quickly and an outside firm would take at least a day or two to get on track and up to date with all the information.  I would do everything in-house if we could be neither you nor I have enough experience in a courtroom to be effective on this matter."

"Sounds reasonable," said Burns.

"Okay then.  I'm heading home to get some shuteye.  Mr. Burns could you get a security guard, a reliable one, to keep an eye on the shark tonight.  Have him call me if anything unusual happens."

"I'll get Tommy when I go upstairs to my office.  He's been around the longest and I've never caught him sleeping when I show up unexpectedly.  But how will he know what is unusual with the shark?"  Burns asked.

"If he's in doubt have him call me.  I can be here in ten minutes.  I don't know what I'll do when I get here but..."

"Just call a veterinarian," said Grimshaw.

"Good night," I said.  "We'll meet here at seven tomorrow morning.  After the ride today I'm probably going to take the train into the city.  We'll catch the 8:09.  Pleasant dreams."

When I got home, I gave Katie a call.  The answering machine picked up.  She must have already gone to bed.  "Hey, we're back.  We caught the big one but don't mention it to anybody.  It's a secret.  I'll tell you about it tomorrow.  I'll be in the city.  I'm going to see if my father wants to go to Mickey Mantle's for lunch.  I'd like you to come with us if we decide to..."  The stupid machine hung up on me.

I wanted to call my parents but they weren't going to be up so late.  I'll see him at the train station tomorrow.  That way I can sit and talk with him and not with Grimshaw.  I already missed the local news so I turned on Sportscenter.  I watched highlights of the Pittsburgh Penguins winning the Stanley Cup.  I nodded off in the recliner.  Must reach bed... before... too... weak

May 26, 1992

The phone rang and I didn't even know what it was.  I knew I drooled on my pillow, though.  The phone rang again and I answered it.  Normally I wouldn't answer the phone at three o'clock in the morning, but something told me this call was important.  "Mr. Bolding?"  Said the voice.

"Who wants to know?"  I have been on both ends of prank phone calls enough times to be cautious.

"This is Tommy Thigpen.  From the Aquarium.  Mr. Burns said I should call you. Did I wake you?"

"No, of course not."  Like I was ashamed to be sleeping at three o'clock in the morning.  "What is it Tommy?"

"The shark is, I don't know, throwing up, or something."

"What do you mean?  Is it still alive?"

"Yeah, it's still alive but it's sick, or something.  I checked it every fifteen minutes like Mr. Burns told me to.  It's not my fault!"

"I know Tommy.  Just calm down and tell me what you saw."

"I turned on the lights and the shark was throwing up.  There was blood and everything."

"What do you mean 'throwing up?'"

"The shark was puking."

"I see."  I had no idea what he was talking about.  I never heard of a shark vomiting before.  "Tommy, what did you see come out of the shark?  What did the shark throw up?"

"Blood mostly.  There were also some little white things, like rocks.  They sank.  There was also floating things in the blood but the shark and the other fish ate most of it."

"Okay, Tommy.  You did great.  Now I'm going to be over there in a couple of minutes.  Could you keep the lights on and watch the shark until I get there?"

"Sure, Mr. Bolding.  I'll watch the shark."

"Oh, Tommy.  Before you watch the shark could you call Mr. Burns and tell him to meet me at the Aquarium?"

"Mr. Burns is upstairs in his office.  He said he was going to sleep there tonight."

"Okay.  Could you call him, Tommy and tell him to watch the shark?"

"Sure, Mr. Bolding.  I'll tell him."

"Thanks a lot Tommy.  You did a great job.  Keep up the good work.  Goodbye."

I hung up the phone and got dressed.  On the five-minute drive, I tried to understand what Tommy had told me.  The shark was vomiting.  But what was it vomiting?  Blood.  I'll take Tommy's word for it on that.  Things that the other fish ate.  Undigested flesh.  Little white things that sank.  Bone fragments.  I should have asked him if he saw a human arm go flying out.  It was probably best I didn't because I think that would have scared the crap out of poor Tommy.  I'd be able to see for myself soon enough.

I pulled into the huge empty parking lot.  The near empty parking lot, I should say.  My advice to put a fence and gate around the lot to keep unwanted after hours visitors out went unheeded.  I had to maneuver around empty beer cans and bottles.  We'd have to address the fence situation if we were going to be the center of worldwide attention for the rest of the summer.  Assuming the shark was going to live.

I parked the car in the closest non-handicap space.  Even at this hour I won't park in a handicap space for fear of getting a stiff parking ticket.  As I fumbled for the key to the gate, I thought about what we should do if it became clear the shark was not going to make it.  We should probably take it out of the big tank.  The shark was valuable to us even if it was dead.  The shark would be a total loss if it died in the main tank and was eaten by the sand tigers and the other fish, though.  Without even the body we'd have nothing.  I suppose we could send the excrement of the other sharks to the Smithsonian but I don't that would cause much of a stir, at least among the public.

Burns and Tommy were staring at the shark when I got to the tank.  "What's going on?"  I said.  The shark was still swimming so I knew it wasn't dead.  Unfortunately it was swimming about as slow as I'd seen it all day.  It was dying.

"It doesn't look like he's doing so good," said Tommy.

"What do you think is wrong?"  Burns asked.

"Probably the stress of the trip.  It was rougher than I wanted.  He was in that box for an awful long time."

"Why don't we feed it?  Maybe it's just hungry," Burns said.

"I don't think so.  Besides I don't want to introduce any food into the tank unless we're sure our shark can take care of himself.  We don't want the other sharks to go crazy with the food in the water and kill the new one while he's in a dazed state."

"How can you tell it's a he?"  Asked Tommy.

"What was that, Tommy?"

"How do you know if it's a he or a she?"

"Oh, well you see those things sticking out on the bottom of the shark?"

"Yes."

"Those are called claspers and they are how you... uh..."

"So it's like a man's..."

"More or less.  Mr. Burns, I think we should consider removing the shark if it gets any worse."

"Why?"  Asked Mr. Burns.

"Because the shark's body is valuable to us dead or alive.  If it dies in there and the other sharks eat it then we have nothing."

"Do you think it will come to that?"

"I'm afraid so.  The shark is dying and we shouldn't wait until the last moment to..."  I looked past Burns and saw the shark speeding up.  "Look!"

I pointed at the speeding shark.  It shot across the tank.  It was just a blur.  It was heading right for the two sand tigers.  The tigers turned away from the black blur but the side of the tank blocked their escape.  The lead tiger turned left and sped away.  The second tiger had also tried to turn left to escape but the first tiger cut it off.  It bumped its snout against the side of the tank and then tried to escape to its right.  It was too late.  The black shark was already on top of it.  In an instant the jaws of the black shark opened and clamped down on the tiger's tail just in front of it's caudal fin.  Before I could utter a word, I saw the tiger's caudal fin fall freely in a helicopter motion to the bottom of the tank.  The rest of the tiger spastically past our window with a trail of blood emerging from it's severed tail.

The black shark turned in a short circle as it consumed the chunk of the tiger in its mouth.  By the time it faced the tiger again, it was ready for another bite.  The tiger was now thrashing against the bottom of the tank.  It could no longer swim, though it tried.  Blood poured out of the hole where it' tail used to be.  Smaller fish darted in and out of the stream of blood to capture a fleshy chunk.  The surviving tiger seemed to pace back and forth on the opposite side of the tank.  Finally, it too saw its chance to feed and plowed through the water towards the now dead tiger.  The black shark cut off the living tiger before it could get a bite.  The tiger retreated to the far side again.  The black shark opened its mouth and chomped down on the exposed underbelly of the dead shark.  It jerked its head wildly for a moment until it swam free with a mouthful.  As the black shark turned away, the other fish scrambled in to get their share.

Burns, Tommy and I just stood there.  We stared at the scene for an hour without saying a word.  The dead tiger was no longer recognizable.  The black shark ate most of it.  It ate most of a shark equal in size to itself in less than an hour.  "Incredible," Burns said.

"I guess the new shark will be okay after all," I said.  "Tommy, what we just saw has to be a secret.  You can't tell anybody.  You understand?"

Tommy looked at Mr. Burns, who nodded, and said, "I won't tell anybody."

"Good."

"Why don't you go back upstairs Tommy?  I have to talk to Mr. Bolding for a minute.  You did a good job Tommy.  Thanks."  Mr. Burns shook Tommy's hand and led him to the doorway.

After Tommy left I asked Burns, "Can Tommy be trusted to keep quiet?"

"I think so," Burns said.

"We need to know.  What we just saw here has never been seen before.  I'll tell you right now this is no great white.  This is a monster.  People are going to act crazy to see the monster.  If Tommy jumps the gun, we could have a serious security problem here.  Right now we couldn't handle a huge crowd or even one nut.  Until we're ready, we can't let the publicity get out of hand.  I'm not confident in Tommy's ability to keep quiet, let alone control a crowd.  Or God forbid, apprehend some lunatic who just has to see the shark before anyone else."

"Calm down.  Tommy's a good kid.  He won't say anything."

"He'd better not.  I know he means well but we need top-rate security here now Mr. Burns.  We have serious security issues here now.  It's not just high school kids drinking in the parking lot anymore."

"I'll look into it," Burns said.

"I'm not kidding.  This shark is going to cause a lot of security problems.  One is just ordinary crowd control.  We're going to have days busier than an entire month last year.  We could draw more people in a day here with this shark than we did all last summer."

"I hope so," Burns said.

"This isn't funny.  We're also looking at special problems like over ambitious newshounds trying to sneak in and get the big scoop.  There's going to be lunatics looking for publicity.  Maybe even terrorists.  Plus we don't have any idea what the revenge factor could be.  The dead kid has a family and it won't be long before his death and this shark are connected.  We could have an assassination attempt on the shark.  It could be a family member or even some racial thing.  We have no idea.  I don't even know if an animal can be assassinated."

"I'll look into it," Burns said again, but this time I thought he meant it.  "How about some breakfast?  We can head over to the diner.  They're probably the only ones open at this hour.  My treat!"

I was hungry but I didn't know how I would react to food after watching an animal be torn apart an eaten five feet away from me for an hour.  "Okay, but if you put ketchup on your eggs I'm gonna puke all over the table."  We started to walk out of the viewing area but I turned to look at the shark one more time.  "Mr. Burns, does the shark look bigger to you?"

"Fatter, I'd say.  He just had a big breakfast, that's all."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

I made it through breakfast without vomiting.  Burns and I talked about the remainder of the week for a couple of hours.  He must have drunk about gallon of coffee.  To this day I've never so much as sipped a cup of coffee.  In law school, I was always annoyed by these other students who would stagger into class hunched over a cup of coffee.  They couldn't function without it.  Give it a rest!

Burns wasn't like that.  He was always ready to go.  He didn't need coffee to stimulate him.  Of course, on the drive back to the Aquarium, Burns drove like he was starring in a Dukes of Hazzard reunion.  When we screeched back into the Aquarium parking lot, Grimshaw was just getting out of his car.  When he saw Burns and I pull up, he frowned.  He was probably thinking Burns' ass wasn't big enough for the both of us to kiss.

"Gentlemen," Grimshaw said as we got out of the car.

"Good morning," I said.

"You missed a good breakfast," Burns said.

"Too bad.  Did I miss anything else?"

"Hmmm.  No I don't believe you did.  You ready for a rousing day of legal research?"  I asked.

"About that, why don't we drive in?  I'm not a big fan of public transportation."

"The public's not all that fond of you taking public transportation either.  But it's our safest bet today.  I see you aren't wearing your Kevlar vest."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"If you're going to drive down the West Side Highway during a riot, you really should have some bullet-proof protection on."

"Fine we'll take the train.  Let's go."

We drove to the train station and parked in the commuter parking.  It was a five-minute walk to the platform.  We walked in silence.  It was about five to eight.  The 8:09 was never early, so we had a fourteen-minute wait.  I looked for my father on the platform but I didn't see any sign of him.  "I'm gonna see if my father's in the Post Office.  I'll be right back," I said to Grimshaw.  The Post Office was right next to the train platform.  The Post Office opened at eight and my father would often stop in before the 8:09 came.  God help the commuter who wasn't the first in line when the Post Office opened though.

There was a line every morning as soon as the doors opened.  Ninety-nine percent of these early risers were commuters trying to get their postal chores done before the 8:09.  Did the Post Office ever open early?  No.  Did the Post Office ever open late?  What do you think?  Did the Post Office ever have more than one clerk at the window for this early rush?  Ha!  There was only one regular early morning customer that didn't get on the 8:09.  That one customer would be the only Guatemalan barber in town.  The guy was so busy cutting hair all day long that he couldn't take a break later in the day to come to the Post Office.  He had to be there with the commuters trying to beat the 8:09.  Was our Central American friend just buying a book of stamps?  No.  Was our Central American friend inquiring about the release date for the famous American Barbers limited edition stamp collector’s kit?  No.  Was our Central American friend getting thousands of dollars of money orders, the Post Office equivalent of trying to get a loan through an ATM?  Bingo.

I stepped into the Post Office and found that my father was second in line.  The man behind my father kept checking his watch and jingling his keys.  I looked at my watch.  It read 8:01.  "Are you going to open today?"  The patient man asked.  My father turned around and saw me.  He just smiled at me.  "Let's go in there!"  The patient man said.  Finally one window opened and a postal clerk just stood behind the counter.  The barber just stood at the front of the line and didn't go up to the window.  "Hey, Pancho!  Move it along!"  The patient guy yelled.

"May I help you?"  The postal clerk asked the barber.  The barber put two stacks of cash on the counter.

"Two money orders, please," said the barber in heavily accented English.  The postal clerk started counting the first pile of cash.

"For the love of God, will you please hurry?"  The patient man started to jingle his keys even louder now.  The postal clerk was distracted so he stopped counting and started over.  That's when we heard the first horn from the 8:09.  The pressure in the Post Office was just ratcheted up another few notches.  If you weren't a regular on the train, you figured the train was already at the station, but it was actually still a mile or two away.

The horn got louder and louder as the clerk processed the money orders.  The commuters started rumbling louder and louder.  "Okay, you got your two money orders.  You know how to fill them out?  Great.  Anything else?"  The barber shook his head and started to fill out the money orders at the window.

"Take your God damn money orders and move on!  Get out of here before I kill you!"  The only thing between the barber and the lunatic was my father.  My father wasn't there long because he went up to the window next to the barber.

"I just need a book of stamps, please," said my father as he slid a ten-dollar bill across the table.

"Do you have anything smaller?"  Asked the clerk.  The horn was louder than ever and the railroad crossing warning lights and guard arms just kicked into action.

"What?"

"Do you have anything smaller?"  Asked the clerk again but louder this time.

"Anything smaller than a ten?  No!"

"It's so early in the morning, we just don't want to run out of change."

"You just took thousands of dollars in ones and fives from this other guy and you're afraid you're going to run out of change?  Just give me a book of stamps and my change, please."  The train just came into view.  My father got his stamps and his change and we walked out of the Post Office.  We had time to jump on the train without running.

"I just need one Goddamn stamp!"  We could hear the lunatic at the window.  Another satisfied customer.  Just as we reached the platform.  The lunatic ran past us and stopped at the end of the line of commuters waiting to get in the first car.

"Tough way to start the day," said my father.

"The Post Office:  It's FAN-tastic."  We walked farther down the train and climbed into one of the less crowded cars.  I didn't see Grimshaw on the platform so I assumed he'd already gotten on board.

My father and I sat down in an empty row with an empty seat between us.  Unless the train was absolutely packed, no one sat in the center seat.  "What's going on?"  My father asked me.

"We got the big one, dad."

"You got a great white?  The one that killed the little kid?"

"We got the shark that killed the little kid, but I don't think it's a great white."

"What do you think it is?"

"A megalodon," I whispered.

"Megalodon.  The ancestor of the great white?  I thought they were extinct."

"So did everybody."

"How do you know it's not a great white?"  He asked.

"I don't for sure.  We have to get a tooth and no one's volunteered to go in and get one yet."

"Are you sure it's the same shark that killed the little kid?"

"No one's ever seen a shark like the one we caught and no one's ever seen a shark like the one on TV yesterday.  I find it hard to believe there were two of these sharks at Fire Island yesterday," I said.  "It has to be the same shark."

"You could be in luck then."

"We've been pretty lucky so far.  How could we be luckier?"

"Doctors found a tooth in the kid's shoulder.  Some experts from Coney Island took a look at it but there's a press conference today at the Museum of Natural History."

"The Museum of Natural History?  Why would they..."

"I would guess the experts at Coney Island were surprised by what they found and wanted confirmation from experts over at the Museum."

"It's a megalodon tooth then.  It has to be.  No one's ever seen an actual megalodon tooth.  They've just seen the fossilized remains so they went to the fossil experts."

"Sounds like a reasonable assumption to me."

"A megalodon.  Wait 'til you see it, Dad.  It is a monster.  A monster.  It's all black.  It is the fastest thing I've ever seen."

"How big is it?  I thought megalodons were supposed to be like a hundred feet long."

"It was about ten feet long.  I don't have any idea how much it weighed.  I think it's a baby.  It's the hungriest thing I've ever seen.  You wouldn't believe what it ate this morning."

"What are you doing here, anyway?  I thought you were the marine biologist now.  Shouldn't you be taking care of the baby?"

"I wouldn't know the first thing about taking care of it.  I'm more afraid of outside threats than anything else."

"What do you mean?  Who's going to threaten that thing?"

"I mean legal threats and terrorism and revenge.  This thing is going to be worldwide news and what more could a terrorist ask for.  Plus this shark could be the target of some revenge or racial attack.  Who knows?  Physically we just need better security.  As for any legal problems, I'll need your help on that front."

"What help do you need?"

"Basically, I'd just like to use your law library today to do some research.  Grimshaw and I would just like to slip into some quiet corner somewhere and do some research.  If that's okay.  I didn't want to use Grimshaw's library because, one, it probably sucks and, two, we aren't ready for the publicity yet."

"There shouldn't be any problem with using our library but you probably are going to need some litigation specialists."

"I know, Dad.  Grimshaw and Burns are looking into it.  I didn't volunteer you because I don't want you to be involved.  After the riots last night, I'm afraid this whole situation could get even more messy."

"I can't believe my son brought a prehistoric monster to Pearl River.  I'm going to have a lot to answer for at the next town council meeting."

"People thought they hated the Aquarium before, just wait until they get a load of the crowds to see the shark."

We finally saw Grimshaw stumbling down the aisle of the train, presumably looking for me.  He had serious difficulty walking with the swaying of the train.  Grimshaw finally had to stop when he encountered the conductor (I assume he was a conductor) who was checking tickets.  I've never been real sure about anything in my life but I was quite sure there was no room in that aisle for two asses the size of Grimshaw's and the conductor's.  I looked out the window to avoid being a witness to an act as heinous as those two men, with buttocks a-tingling, squeeze past each other.

"I thought they were going to start sumo wrestling," my father said.

The ride in was uneventful.  The city was already getting hot again, but it wasn't going to be nearly as hot as it had been since the front moved through last night.  Maybe I wouldn't sweat to death on our way to Mickey Mantle's for lunch.  I figured I'd give Katie a call to see if she wanted to join my father and I for lunch.

"Did you catch it?"  She asked me.

"Yeah, I still can't believe it!  We were so lucky.  It was like..."

"Maybe you shouldn't have caught it."

"Why do you say that?  This could be the scientific find of the century!"

"It killed a little boy!  Remember!  How do you think his family and friends are going to feel when they find out you caught it and are making money off it?"

"So we'll set aside some of the profits for a charity in the kid's name.  They'll get over it.

"How will his parents get over it?  First, they got to see the replay a thousand times.  They got to watch their son get his arm bitten off on TV a thousand times."

"What do you want me to do?  Do you want me to start crying?  The shark could be a scientific windfall.  Sharks don't get cancer.  Maybe this shark will save lives!"

"You are so full of it!  That shark is going to lead to nothing but more money for Burns and you know it!"

"You really shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you.  I could be rich because of that shark.  And if I'm rich, you're gonna be rich since we're getting married in a few months!"

"That reminds me.  Deacon O'Malley called me yesterday and said we've got the pre cana meeting on Friday night at 7:30.  We can't be late."

"I don't know if I can make it.  The shark..."

"You have to make it!  You've...we've delayed this long enough!  This is the last chance!  If we're going to be married on October 27, we have to go to this one!"

"Look, Katie, Friday is going to be the first day the shark is open to the public.  I don't know if I can just..."

"I am so sick of this damn shark.  I'm not going to see or talk to you between now and Friday.  Get the shark out of your system and think about what's really important to you!  If I'm more important than the shark, I'll see you at the church Friday at 7:30.  If not..."

"If not, what?  You're giving me an ultimatum?"

"We're not getting married!"  She hung up.  I forgot to ask her about lunch.  She's always so dramatic.  Everything is the end of the world to her.  Sure I procrastinated when it came to the pre cana stuff.  Hanging around church on Friday nights talking about all the problems we're going to have in the future isn't exactly how I like to kick off my weekends.  Of course, if they threw a keg in the picture, the situation would improve dramatically.  After a few frosty lagers, I'd give my take on the pros and cons of the Reformation, if they wanted.

Dad made a reservation for 1:30.  He told me the news at noon was going to carry the press conference from the Museum of Natural History live.  He had a TV in his office so I could watch it down there.  In the meantime, Grimshaw and I mostly just read about the general topics that we expected might come up.  We didn't do any photocopying or anything more serious than just reading.  It wasn't like we had a specific issue to research.  We had a set of facts.  From those facts we had to pick out and find solutions to potential issues.  Basically we were looking at the facts as if we were going to take legal action against ourselves.  We didn't even bother coordinating our efforts.  We both just started from scratch and read whatever we thought might be relevant.

Around 11:30 I gave Burns a call.  I wanted to let him know about the press conference at noon and give him a feel for our progress.  Burns had spent more time in courtrooms than I had so I figured he might even have a suggestion or two.  "Mr. Burns, there's a press conference on at noon you 'll want to catch.  They found a tooth in the kid's shoulder and somebody over at the Museum of Natural History probably found it was from a Megalodon.

"You think so?"

"I don't know why else the Museum of Natural History would be involved if it wasn't a megalodon tooth.  The Museum may have a reconstructed set of megalodon jaws but I'm not sure.  So in kind of a backwards way, we're getting expert opinions without any effort on our part at all."

"Or compensation!"  Burns added.  Maybe Katie was right about Burns and his money.

"That doesn't mean we don't need a new marine biologist."

"I know.  I said I'll look into it, but for now you're still the guy.  How's the research coming along?"

"Okay I suppose.  We're really just doing some general stuff.  For instance, you are the legal owner of the shark.  Basically the state owns wild animals, but any individual can capture a wild animal and make them his property.  All you have to do is control the animal, like by confining it in a cage or tank.  Only wild animals specifically protected by statute can't be captured.  Say a bald eagle, for instance.  You can't even legally possess the feather of a bald eagle, as far as I know.  But if we have a megalodon, which was thought to be extinct, we don't have to worry about any specific legal protections.  Even Congress wouldn't pass a Protection of Extinct Species law."

"What about murder?"

"What do you mean?  What murder?"

"The shark killed the kid.  Can it be arrested for murder?"

"No.  Generally crimes require an act and an evil intent.  Only humans are presumed to have the mental capacity to form evil intent.  Some crimes don't require intent, like statutory rape, but I'd like to see someone accuse the shark of that."

"So the shark can't be accused of murder?  I figured that but since I'm paying two lawyers to do research, I might as well find out for sure."

"Now there could be criminal and civil liability for us if the shark hurts someone again.  The kid's death can't be attributed to us because the shark was a wild animal at the time and we did not own it.  Besides the kid assumed the risk.  He knowingly placed himself within reach of a wild animal known to be dangerous.  If you swim in the ocean, you are probably considered to have assumed the risk of being attacked by a shark."  When I was that kid's age, I sure didn't knowingly assume that risk.  My father took my family to Fire Island dozens of times.

"So how can we be liable?"

"We can be liable if the shark hurts other people while you own it.  Basically we need to keep people away from the top of the tank.  We could be screwed if somebody falls in or even dives in without realizing the danger.  And for God's sake don't order anyone to jump in the tank.  If an employee got hurt in there as part of his employment we'd be looking at a whole host of other problems, from worker's comp to who knows what."

"So do I need to take any precautionary steps now?"

"Just have at least one security guard watching the tank at all times.  And make sure you or I personally tell each one the dangers that the shark poses if someone were to go into the tank.  In fact why don't you have some DANGER or WARNING signs printed up?  Actually, let's wait on that.  We don't want to alert the media yet.  Any sign of the media so far?"

"A couple of phone calls.  They didn't ask if we had the shark, just if we had any comments on the attack yesterday."

"What were they told?"

"No comment."

"Excellent.  Hey it's almost time for the press conference.  Keep your fingers crossed.  I'll stop by the Aquarium later this afternoon.  Oh, I almost forgot!  How's the shark doing?"

"He's chased and caught some of the fish in the tank, but he hasn't gone after the other tiger.  Do you think we should try to remove the other tiger?"

"There isn't another suitable tank for it.  I'd just leave it.  The megalodon is the one we're interested in.  We know he can take care of himself.  That's all that matters.  The tiger never made you any money.  As far as I'm concerned, it's sushi for the megalodon.  I'll stop by later."

Grimshaw and I ran down to my father's office to watch the press conference.  The TV was already on.  I closed the door to the office after Grimshaw and I entered.  "We have no word yet on the reason for the press conference, but there are rumors that the tooth found in the dead boy's shoulder is from a type of shark that was thought to be extinct.  Okay, we're going to go to the press conference now."

"Good afternoon.  Welcome to the American Museum of Natural History.  I am Dr. Henry Thomas and this is Dr. Robert Williams.  This is the most exciting day I've been a part of in my twenty years at the museum.  The tooth that was brought to us is from a previously thought extinct shark.  Its name is carcharodon Megalodon.  Megalodon means "large or giant tooth."  Up until yesterday we only had fossilized teeth as evidence of megalodon's existence.  I'm sure many of you have seen the famous pictures of a group of men standing inside the reconstructed jaws of a megalodon.  Dr. Williams would like to add a few words.  Bob."

"Thanks Hank.  I'm Dr. Williams.  We assumed megalodon was extinct because only fossilized teeth had been found.  No one had ever found an actual tooth.  This discovery is on par with finding coelacanth earlier this century.  This is like finding a living dinosaur.  We assumed megalodon closely resembled the modern day great white.  Based on the videotaped evidence from yesterday, that assumption appears to be correct.  The major differences between megalodon and great whites, to the layperson, are the color and the size.  As we saw yesterday, the megalodon was black.  That's in stark contrast to the bluish-gray and white that we see in the modern day great white.  The size of the megalodon is probably at least forty-five to fifty feet long maximum compared to about half that for great whites.  The shark we saw yesterday was probably only a fraction of that maximum size, approximately ten feet or so.  The shark we saw yesterday was probably very young."

"Where's the mother?"  A reporter yelled out.

"Presumably swimming around the Atlantic somewhere."

"Are you saying there's a fifty foot shark swimming off the coast of Long Island?"

"Well it could be hundreds or thousands of miles away?  We have no way of knowing."

"So there could be a giant shark just waiting for someone to go swimming?"

"I doubt a shark that has been around for millions of years without our knowledge is going to make humans a staple of their diet."

"Is megalodon an ancestor of the great white?"

"For years we've thought great whites were a direct descendant of megalodon but recently that theory is being revised.  With their physical similarities, there is obviously a close relationship.  How close is a matter of debate.  Some experts would argue that there is such a difference in the teeth of the two animals that they are not closely related at all.  Without an autopsy of a megalodon, we have no way to be sure how similar they really are, beyond the differences in the teeth."

"Should people be afraid to go in the water?"

"The chances of being attacked by a shark are remote and no one should change their daily lives as a result of this discovery.  However, humans are in the sharks' element when we enter the water so attacks are possible though highly unlikely."

"So you see this episode as just a scientific curiosity and nothing more?"  A booming voice asked.

"Scientifically, this is probably the biological surprise of the century.  If we could catch a live one or even get the body of a dead one to study, it would be the find of the century.  This shark is great news for biologists and paleontologists everywhere.  This is like Christmas morning for us."

"What about the boy who was killed?"  Asked the booming voice from off the screen.

"What about him?"

"Don't you care that a young boy lost his life yesterday?"

"Of course we care.  But this find could lead to..."

"You care more about some fish than you do about a boy's life don't you?"

"No but this..."

"You sound like you admire the shark."

"It's hard not to admire something that has been able to survive for millions of years.  This shark is really the perfect creature."

"Perfect?  It's a killer!  We all saw that yesterday!  But its obvious white America doesn't give a damn when a little black boy is killed!  The killer is admired and even called perfect!  This is an outrage and I urge African-Americans in New York and everywhere to stand up and demand justice!"  The camera turned to get a view of the speaker as he was being dragged out of the room.  The speaker was none other than the Reverend Willie Walker.

"That pain in the ass is going to cause us some serious trouble," said Grimshaw.

"Tell me about it," I said.

"I'm gonna grab a bite to eat.  You guys hungry?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"We'll probably grab something a little later.  I'll see you this afternoon," I said.

My father and I walked over to the restaurant.  It was the first time I'd been there in years.  I was way too young to ever see the Mick play but my father thought he was great and he was always a Brooklyn Dodgers fan.  I always used to hope we'd see him at the restaurant but I never did.

As we ate lunch, we could overhear other conversations about the riots and the shark.  Out the window, we could see an increased police presence.  This was a big tourist area of the city even though it was too hot for the horse drawn carriages today.  I guess tourists were drawn to Central Park.  I wouldn't know why because I'd never actually been in Central Park.

"Why didn't Katie join us?"  My father asked.

"Well, probably because she's nuts."

"What happened?"

"She hates the shark.  Plus I said I didn't know if I could make that pre cana nonsense."

"The Catholic Church requires it.  You have to do the pre cana."

"I know!  I know!  I know!  It's just such a pain in the ass.  I mean, we just caught a monster and brought it to Pearl River.  We're supposed to open on Friday.  What am I going to tell Burns?  Sorry, Mr. Burns, I have to sit around and talk about my future marriage with strangers, so I can't be here when we unveil the scariest animal that has ever existed."

"It's a couple of hours.  Just suck it up and do it.  Then you won't have to do it again.  If you didn't procrastinate for months it would have been over by now, so I don't want to hear it."

"Well then what the hell did you ask for?  From now on don't ask me any more questions, okay?  If I have some information that I want to share with you, you can rest assured I'll tell you."

"I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass.  But I'm not your enemy.  You just have to realize that marriage is a commitment that sometimes requires sacrifices."

"I realize that!  But without my job there is no marriage.  Without my job, I'd be living at home until I was forty or until I went berserk and started picking off pedestrians with a high-powered rifle from my window."

"You're not going to be fired for taking a few hours off on a Friday night.  Without you Burns would already have gone out of business.  He would have no shark.  He would have nothing.  So give me a break!  Go to the pre cana thing and get it over with.  Stop making excuses."

"Yes Dad."

"I'm serious.  I may not be right about everything but I am right about this.  Aren't I?"

"I suppose so."

"Alright then.  Hey, who's that guy?"

"That would be some big, fat guy eating a sandwich."

"I thought he was a ballplayer."

"I think it's time to fill out some nursing home applications for you, Dad.  We don't want to wait until the last minute on those things."

After lunch, we walked back to the office.  I found Grimshaw asleep at a desk in the library.  He woke up as I came over to him and he pretended he wasn't sleeping.  It was clear we'd exhausted or research for the day.  I was excited to get back to see the shark, now that we knew what it was.  We decided to take the bus home because there were no commuter trains at this early hour.  The ride home was uneventful.  Upon arriving in Pearl River, all we had was a five-minute walk to Grimshaw's car and then another five minutes until we got to the Aquarium.  A couple of school buses were in the parking lot but it looked like another disappointing day.  This was prime class trip season and we only had two busloads of students.  And they were probably pissed off because the shark exhibits were closed.  Just as I got out of the car, some guy with a microphone ran up to me.

"Do you work for the aquarium?"  He asked.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Peter Boyle.  I'm a reporter for WPRN.  Pearl River News."

"I live a mile from your transmitter and I can't even pick up your station."

"We're a new station but we're growing.  Do you have any comment on the shark attack or on the disclosure that it was a megalodon?"

"I have no comment right now.  But we're going to hold a press conference tomorrow at noon.  We have big news to report.  Go tell your friends."

"Since I'm the only one here, do you think I can have a scoop?"

"A scoop?  Who are you?  Jimmy Olsen.  If we gave you an exclusive story, how would anyone find out about it?  You have no audience.  How many advertisers do you have?"

"A few."

"Like who?  The Army-Navy store?  Mention this ad and we'll give you a free hat."  I walked past him.  "Isn't there some school closing you have to cover?"  Poor Peter Boyle just stood there staring at me as Grimshaw and I entered the Aquarium.

"You really should work on your public relations approach," Grimshaw said.

"I was a little hard on him.  But if he's the only one here for the press conference tomorrow we're in trouble.  We'd better make some calls tonight to get some real reporters here.  I don't want the main media coverage to come from ham radio operators."

"Hey, don't knock ham radio operators.  I was one growing up."

"No kidding," I said.

I told Grimshaw to call the networks and the major wire services to inform them about our press conference.  "Just tell them we have some information on the shark," I said.  Meanwhile I went down to check on the monster.  It was swimming around the tank but all the other fish, large and small, were keeping their distance.  I thought I noticed fewer smaller fish than usual but I never really noticed the fish that were there before.  I heard someone come up behind me.

"Looks like he's doing okay," said Burns.

"I guess so, but no one really knows how a megalodon is doing, since this is the only one ever seen, let alone captured."

"I can't believe the speed and agility.  The fish it goes after don't have a chance."

"It's similar to a great white in that respect.  Older, larger great whites mainly like to hunt mammals, like seals and whales, and even humans.  The younger smaller great whites can't really tackle the bigger prey so they pretty much go after fish.  As great whites get older they replace agility with raw power."

"But megalodon attacked a kid."

"Well, great whites as young as this shark probably is aren't nearly this big.  So I would guess the increased size of the megalodons in general allow the young to go after bigger prey, while still being very agile.  Of course, I wouldn't know for sure but it sounds reasonable."  I let out a big yawn.

"Why don't you go home and get some sleep.  There's nothing more you can do today.  Besides I want you to be rested for the press conference tomorrow.  You're going to have a worldwide stage."

"Did you get a new marine biologist yet?"

"Not yet.  I'm afraid there are not a lot of people out there I would trust to step in now.  So you're the guy for the time being."

"How am I supposed to answer questions tomorrow?  I don't know all the answers."

"Nobody knows all the answers.  You said so yourself.  Nobody's ever so much as seen this kind of shark before.  Besides I think you'll be able to explain this shark and answer any questions in a manner that anybody listening can easily understand.  The last thing I want is some brainiac scientists in white lab coats going up there and explaining the evolutionary process.  I want you to go out there and explain what it is we have and make people excited to plunk down their money to see it.  Now I know you can do that."

"You're probably right.  I'm gonna get going'."

"Get a good night's sleep."

I went home and dozed off in the recliner with the TV on.  I was vaguely aware of reports of more rioting in New York City and in cities around the country as I drifted in and out of sleep.

May 27, 1992

For the second night in a row, the ringing phone woke me up.  It was only a quarter to one.  "Hello."

"Mr. Bolding?  This is Tommy Thigpen down at the Aquarium.  Mr. Burns said..."

"What is it Tommy?"

"The black shark attacked the other shark!  It just happened.  It was just..."

"Is the black shark okay?"

"I think so."

"You didn't see any blood coming out of the black shark did you?"

"No, sir."

"Okay, who else saw it?"

"Just me."

"Are you sure?  Only you saw it?"

"Yes, I'm the only one."

"Did you tell anyone else?"

"No, just you."

"Great Tommy, keep up the good work and don't tell anybody about the attacks okay?"

"Okay.  Are you going to come in?"

"Not until the morning.  I just needed to know that the black shark was okay.  Don't be afraid to call me if you see anything else though, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good night, Tommy."  I went to bed.

It seemed like the alarm went off about two seconds later.  I got up and showered and turned on the morning news.  All the networks were showing footage of rioters from the night before.  Most of the footage showed looters and burning cars and cops in riot gear walking down streets.  The footage didn't get me as mad as it normally would because I was nervous about the press conference.

I had the same feeling as I did when I was taking final exams in college.  Often I would put off studying until the last minute.  I would then convince myself that I knew the stuff.  On the way to the test, I would be so nervous I could hardly walk.  Every time I got away with a good grade though.  I knew I wasn't ready for the media but I could probably B.S. my way through it like in college.  Since my boss knew the limits of my information, I wasn't worried about my job.  I was more worried about looking like an ass in front of the entire world.  Well, not so much the entire world, but rather my friends and future in-laws.

There were a couple of local news vehicles in the Aquarium parking lot when I pulled in but I didn't see anybody I recognized.  They didn't recognize me either, but why would they?  Until noon, I was just some ordinary shmuck.  Once the press conference started I would become the spokesman for the Aquarium.  And since the Aquarium had the most unique creature ever held in captivity, I was going to be seen by the entire world.  Strangers would know who I was.  I'd have my fifteen minutes of fame.  I hope I survive the fifteen minutes.

Even as a kid I knew I'd never want fame without fortune.  There were too many nuts in the world.  If you became famous then the nuts notice you.  You're no longer just another face in the crowd.  In fact, fame proves you're not some sort of nut yourself.  Of course there are some notable exceptions to that rule.  In fact, it's probably more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule.  If you're famous, other famous people aren't afraid of you like they may be afraid of the general public.  The nuts, on the other hand, have you as a potential target now.  There's no real point in stalking just another member of society.  That's where the fortune part of the equation comes in.  If you have enough money, you can shield yourself from the downside of fame.  Now I don't expect to make any magazine covers because of this press conference, but I'll be the most visible face on the biggest story of the day and who knows what that could lead to.

I spent a little while getting my thoughts together for the press conference.  I wasn't worried about blurting out something I shouldn't, mainly because there wasn't anything we had to hide.   Of course I wanted to avoid mentioning the chum slick that lead to Jones Beach.  And nobody really needed to know that the shark killed two other sharks while in our custody.  We don't need to give some animal rights lunatic any ammunition.  Above all else though, I had to avoid confirming that this was the shark that killed the kid.  There was no doubt that the public would assume it was the same shark, but assuming is different than knowing.  Given the riots of the last two days, I wanted any potential troublemakers to have to make the decision to act on something as brittle as an assumption, rather than the solid ground of facts.

The morning flew by and before I knew it Burns and Grimshaw were in my office.  Outside my office were two of Mr. Burns' assistants with some visual aids Burns and I had somehow put together along the way.  It was like they were trying to psyche me up.  Like this was a high school football game or something.  "Go get 'em!"  Burns slapped me on the back.

"Break a leg," said Grimshaw.

"I'm not an actor, you moron.  Grimshaw thinks we're doing some Shakespeare festival here.  Get in the game, Grimshaw."

Grimshaw looked at Burns.  "This is going to be some press conference.  He's just oozing charm."

They followed me out the door and down the stairs to the conference room.  All morning I'd been vaguely aware off the arriving press corps but I was still overwhelmed to see so many people and lights and cameras.  At that moment I wished I were a little, make that a lot, more prepared.  I became aware that my mouth was dry.  All the tension shot to my neck and I could barely turn my head.  I somehow made it to the podium.  The lights were blinding.  I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room boring into me.  Forget the shark; get a load of this freak behind the podium!

"Good afternoon.  Welcome to the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  My name is Brian Bolding and I'm the spokesman for the Aquarium.  We have exciting news that we wanted to share with you."

"Are you going out of business?"  Someone yelled from the back.  Everyone laughed.  My first heckler.  For one moment I was panic stricken.  I couldn't say a word.  The silence was awkward.  It was too late to continue on and ignore the question.  I didn't have a snappy comeback.  I lost control of the audience.  Nothing a speaker does is worse than losing control of his audience.  That heckler made me look like an ass.  I started to get mad and I was able to pull myself out of the nosedive I was in.

"We're not going out of business.  We will reserve some time for questions, even the stupid ones.  So just relax back there.  The Hudson Valley Aquarium has captured the most unique and frightening creature that has ever existed.  We captured a shark, a carcharodon megalodon.  The shark will be displayed to the public beginning Friday morning at 9:00 A.M.  The Aquarium will be open nine to five every day until Labor Day.  The shark can be viewed between nine and noon and one and five each day.  Now let me give you a little information on the shark."  I gestured to the first card held up by the assistants.

"The shark is a carcharodon megalodon.  It probably will simply be called megalodon.  I say probably because it was thought to be extinct and it doesn't have a common name used by the general public, like great white or white pointer, yet.  As the first card shows, a full-grown megalodon will be at least twice the size of a full-grown great white.  We all know how great whites are feared by beachgoers, just wait until they get a look at megalodon.  Next card please."  The assistants held up the next card, which showed a black and white photograph of two men standing upright inside a giant set of jaws.

"As you can see, megalodons grow to enormous size.  The teeth are razor sharp despite their enormous size."  I could hear the background noise of conversations growing louder.  I looked over at Burns and he gestured to move it along.  I felt like I'd been talking for hours and I knew people were getting bored so I scrapped the rest of the presentation.  "At this point I'll take some questions."

The crowd of reporters started yelling out questions.  The TV lights were blinding me so I had difficulty picking out one reporter.  After a moment of chaos, one voice, the loudest and the deepest, overwhelmed all the others.  I should have recognized it and didn't.  "Is this the shark that killed the little boy?"  It was none other than that hatemonger Reverend Willie Williams.

"I don't know," I answered.  "Next question."

"I have a follow up question.  The Museum of Natural History said the shark that killed the boy was a megalodon.  Now you say you've caught a megalodon.  Did you catch the same shark or is this just coincidence?"

"Reverend, why don't you pay attention to the answers I give?  I said I don't know.  It may be the same shark.  But it could also be a different one.  The existence of one means there must be more out there.  Unless you think our shark is a million years old.  You don't think that do you Reverend?"

"I think you want to make money off the body of a little dead, black boy!  Where did you catch the shark?  Right off Fire Island?"

"We caught the shark in the Atlantic Ocean.  Since I'm no nautical expert, I'm not sure exactly where.  And Reverend, how about keeping your opinions to yourself?  I wish to express my personal condolences to the boy's family as well as the condolences of the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  It was a tragedy."

"Oh save it!  You lured the shark to the beach didn't you?"

"Of course not!  If you keep making false allegations Reverend, you may find yourself in court.  Why don't you wait until after your tax evasion trial to see how you like court?  When does that start, next week?  What are you doing here anyway?  Shouldn't you be getting your records together?  Security please escort the so-called 'Reverend' out of here?  You see this is a press conference and if you're not in the press you're trespassing."

"Racists!  That boy's blood is on your hands!  There will be a boycott and protesters haunting this place the whole summer!"  Four security guards escorted Williams to the door.

"I don't like the allegations.  I don't like the alligators.  Any sane questions?"  I asked.

"Is there any way you could tell if this was the shark that attacked the boy?  Don't throw me out it's a serious question."

"I know.  The only way we could tell if this were the same shark would be to cut it open.  If this were a normal shark we would gladly do just that.  But this is a megalodon.  Until this week, megalodons were thought to be extinct.  Even though it is now clear that they are not extinct, megalodons are still very rare.  And to have one alive in captivity, it's unprecedented.  It's like we caught Bigfoot.  No one would ask to cut open Bigfoot to find out what his dietary habits are.  Next.  Okay."

"How do you know you have a megalodon?  Couldn't it be something else?"

"It's a megalodon all right.  We know for a fact it's a megalodon because megalodons have distinctive teeth.  I'm not going to try to explain the differences in shark teeth today, but we'll be sure to get the information out in the coming weeks and months."

"If megalodons are as big as you say though, how did you manage to get it up here without anybody knowing?"

"The one we caught is not fully grown yet.  Right now it's about ten feet long and growing.  We believe the shark that we have is literally a newborn.  It fit on the back of our truck," I said.

"You say the shark is ten feet long.  Isn't that the size of the shark that killed the boy?  You have to admit that's some coincidence."

"Not really though.  Years ago a number of baby great whites were caught on the same day, if not the same line, with a number of different hooks just off Sandy Hook, New Jersey.  What's that about thirty miles from here?  If an adult megalodon gave birth just offshore to a number of megalodon pups, it's quite possible that we caught a sibling of the killer megalodon.  I'll take one more question today.  But we'll have another press conference at noon tomorrow."

"How do you account for the lack of any evidence suggesting that megalodons were still alive until this week?"

"I don't really know for sure.  I would say the oceans remain largely unexplored, so we have no idea what may be out there.  Also megalodons are the largest and most aggressive predators that ever lived.  They may be rare because the oceans can't support that many of them.  You'd expect that a predator of that size would need a huge territory to feed in.  Generally speaking the larger a predator gets the fewer in number they become.  When you think about it, it was kind of foolish for us to think they were extinct.  What would cause a perfect animal to become extinct?"

Burns and Grimshaw loved my performance.  They loved the way I tore into The Reverend on live TV.  We spent most of the afternoon monitoring the media to see what the reaction and coverage was.  Callers on the radio and TV talk shows generally seemed enthusiastic about the shark, but there were quite a few calls that criticized us for making money off a tragedy.  Others called us racists.  Polls showed blacks and whites were polarized on the issue of whether the shark should be displayed.  Ninety-four percent of whites said we should display the shark.  Three percent "Didn't Know" and three percent opposed displaying the shark.  The numbers were virtually the exact opposite for blacks.  Whites wanted the shark to be displayed while blacks didn't.  The local stations provided coverage of a demonstration outside the funeral home in which the young boy's wake was being held.  The demonstration was peaceful until The Reverend made it back into town.  He gave a fiery speech about the racists and what action they were going to take.

One of Burns' assistants knocked on the door.  "Yeah, Mike, what is it?"  Asked Burns.

"I'm afraid I've got some bad news, Mr. Burns."

"Is the shark still alive?"  Asked Burns.

"Yes, but..."

"So how bad could it be?"  Burns laughed.

"We've lost three more penguins."

"'Lost?'  I assume they didn't escape.  Are you saying they died?"

"Yes, they died."

"Why didn't you say, 'They passed away?'  It sounds nicer than 'died.'  I guess saying 'lost' softened the terrible blow a bit.  You all know how I love those penguins!  You guys want a wing or a breast?"

"I'll take a breast.  Can I get mine extra crispy?"  I said.

"Could I mount one of their heads over my fireplace?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"How many do we have left?  They've been dropping like flies," I said.

"Flies are a lot cheaper to feed," said Burns.  "I think there's ten left.  What are we going to do with the last ten?"

"What are they dying from?  If we could find out what the hell's wrong with them, we could fix it," I offered astutely.  Find out what's wrong and then fix it.  That's why I get the big bucks.

"We should just feed them to the shark," Grimshaw said.  Burns and I looked at Grimshaw.

"I think you've got something there," Burns said.

"What has he got?  That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard!"  I said.

"What's so ridiculous about it?"  Grimshaw asked me.

"Well, for one thing, its cruelty to animals," I said without conviction.

Burns pretended to play sad music on an imaginary violin.  "So what?"  I obviously forgot about Burns' complete disregard for the penguins' welfare.  Maybe his own welfare was more important to him.

"I realize nobody in this room gives a flying rat's ass about penguin safety, but animal cruelty is a crime.  If somebody sees us doing it we could face criminal charges."

"We'll do it at night," Grimshaw replied.  "No one will see."

"How about the safety of the shark?"  I asked.  Grimshaw laughed right in my face.

"The penguins might eat him!"

"Keep laughing, you clown.  The penguins are dying of something.  What if it's some disease?  Do you want the shark to catch some disease because of this stupid idea?"

"Shark's eat everything.  From live stuff to old, decomposing, rotting stuff.  And as far as anyone knows no shark has ever so much as caught a disease, let alone died from one."  Burns had certainly been doing his homework.

"I assume penguins have some claws or something on their feet.  The claws could injure the shark."  My final reason was pretty weak.

"After seeing what our boy did to those to sand tigers, I wouldn't worry much about penguin claws."  Burns stood behind his desk.  "The penguins are no longer an exhibit here.  The penguins are now stock.  And I'm afraid we're going to run out of fresh penguin meat tonight."

Night fell all too quickly and we embarked on our madness.  Burns, Grimshaw and I walked over to the penguin display.  The penguins just looked at us as we approached.  I always hated birds.  I was mostly afraid of them.

I can trace my phobia to one incident when I was in high school.  It was my own personal Hitchcock scene from The Birds.  I was mowing the lawn when right in front of the mower I saw a baby bird screaming in the grass.  It looked like it had just been born and fell out of a nest.  From behind me I heard a screech over the roar of the mower.  I turned around and saw a bird soaring right at my head.  I bailed out on the mower, which stopped when I let go of the safety handle.  I bolted for the garage and, once safely inside, I peeked out.  There was no sign of the bird but I did see my next-door neighbors staring at me.  They thought I was insane.  I didn't do anything to discourage that line of thinking as I grabbed a baseball bat and made my way back to the mower.  As I walked I continually scanned all around me fearing another airborne assault.  I held the bat at the ready.  Of course, the bat was only useful in a close encounter.  The mother of the kids next door hurried her kids inside.  At first I thought she finally completed her plans to take her Christmas lights down, since it was July and all.  But the lights stayed up until that family moved away.  Anyway, the baby bird was dead.  Since I didn't cream it with the lawn mower, I figure it had a heart attack or something.  At the time, I didn't have much sympathy, because I was still concerned about being attacked by the mother.  To this day my family and friends laugh at me when I duck as a bird flies by.  When I looked at the penguins I realized it was payback time.  Sure these things couldn't fly, but they had beaks, feathers and laid eggs.  That's all I needed.

One thing I've noticed about birds is that up close they're all disgusting.  From flamingos to ostriches, seagulls to chickens.  For some reason, I thought penguins would be different.  After all they looked like little butlers.  Up close, I saw the same mangy feathers and piles of excrement that birds are so well known for.

"Anybody have any questions?"  Burns asked.

"Has either of you guys ever seen a baby pigeon?"  I asked.

"What?"  Said Grimshaw.  "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm kidding, Grimshaw.  But seriously, I don't see any baby penguins."

"We never got the breeding program off the ground," said Burns.

"Well at least you got the euthanasia program up and running," I said.  "So we're just going to corral them up to the shark pool?"

"Yeah, I'll walk behind them and you two walk on either side and be sure to keep them all between you.  Got it?"  Burns said.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we had another guy?  Where's that security guard?  What's his name, Tommy Thigpen?  It wouldn't matter if he sees us doing this.  He's already seen the shark devour those two sand tigers.  Besides He's got a good head on his shoulders.  I trust him to keep quiet," I said.

"I didn't see him come in tonight.  It's not like him to be late either.  But the three of us can do it.  Any other suggestions before we start?"  Burns asked.

"Shouldn't we say a few words?  I mean we're sending these animals to their deaths," I said.  I want Burns to realize what an asinine idea of Grimshaw's this was.

"What do you have in mind?"  Asked Burns.

"Something heartfelt and appropriate, I assume," said Grimshaw.

"Oh Yea!  Though the penguins walk through the valley of death they shall have no fear!"

"Perfect.  Let's get this over with," said Burns as he stepped into the penguin compound through the entrance in the back.  Grimshaw and I followed Burns as he walked through a cramped hallway to a glass door.  The door opened up into a cave at the back of the exhibit area.  Burns opened the door and entered the display area and I heard splashing.  I peeked out of the cave to see the last of the penguins dive into the water to get away from Burns.

"Oh yeah!  This is going to work!"  I said.  "Is there a net or something around here?  I guess we'll have to catch them.  There must be something to catch them with."

Grimshaw went back down the hallway and returned momentarily with what looked like a giant butterfly net.  Burns grabbed the handle and stuck the net in the water.  The penguins darted all around the net as Burns flailed hopelessly.  "What's Plan B?"  Asked Burns as he threw the net in the water.

"Anybody got a gun?  You've got some guns at home, don't you?"  I asked Grimshaw.

"They're antiques," Grimshaw answered.

"So what?  Why don't you go home, get a musket and blow the crap out of these penguins?"  I asked.

"Why don't you shut up?"

"You're right.  We'd be here all night if we waited for you to kill them with a musket.  Any chance you have an old Gatling gun lying around?  Or maybe you just want to throw in a toaster and electrocute them?"

"If you don't have a serious suggestion then keep quiet!"  Burns said to me.

"Well, as far as I know, the only natural predators of penguins are located in the water.  Like sharks and killer whales.  I assume that if one of us were to jump in the water with them, they would get out as fast as they could.  It's in their nature to seek safety on land.  But that's just a theory on my part, I have no idea if it would work or not," I said.

"Surf's up," said Burns to me.  Grimshaw laughed.

"Why me?  I don't want the penguins to die.  Grimshaw does.  He can go."

"Jumping in was your idea," said Grimshaw.

"You're the only one with shorts on.  Surf's up," said Burns.

I took off my shirt and shoes.  "I suppose you're right.  Besides, the only thing I want to see less than Grimshaw taking his shirt off is Grimshaw taking his pants off."  I dipped my big toe in the water.  "The water's freezing!  I'll go into cardiac arrest!"  That was all I could say before Grimshaw pushed me in.  The cold water felt like needles on my skin.  My chest constricted and I had a hard time breathing when I came up for air.  "Assault and battery!  You're a witness!"  I yelled to Burns, who was laughing right along with Grimshaw.  Not a single penguin got out of the water.

"So much for your theory," said Grimshaw.

"What animal on God's green earth is going to get out of the water when they see your fat ass on land?  You two go back down the hallway and leave the door open.  The shark snacks and I will be along momentarily."  As soon as they left I started diving after the penguins.  I didn't come very close to them, but after a few moments of my splashing around and cursing, they got out of the water.  I made some threatening motions towards them so they would congregate near the open door in the cave.  Once I got them as much in the cave as I figured possible, I climbed out of the water and started toward them.  The penguins turned and ran down the hallway.  They weren't nearly as fast as I thought they'd be.  Now I don't know if the Surgeon General has a recommended weight chart for penguins but these rascals looked obese to me.  That was probably why they were dying in the hot weather, they were too damn fat.  I vaguely remember a newspaper story about laboratory rats.  Some researchers figured out that the biggest danger to the rats’ health was not some wacky experiments but rather obesity.  Watching these fat little bastards waddle down the hallway, I didn't doubt the negative ramifications of obesity.  "Here they come!"  I yelled like it was a wildebeest stampede.

The penguins ran out the door and saw Burns standing to the left.  The penguins turned right and ran along the wall.  I followed the herd and Burns stayed on their left.  As the herd reached the corner, Grimshaw emerged and the penguins continued straight ahead and up the hill to the shark pavilion.  I wasn't sure who was going to pass out first, the overweight penguins or the three out-of-shape slobs chasing them.  After what seemed like an eternity, the penguins saw the water of the tank through the open door of the pavilion and bolted for it.  The penguins ran through the door but stopped on the edge of the tank.  We followed them inside and I closed the door behind me.  The penguins were trapped and they knew it.  A couple of penguins in the back of the crowd pushed forward to get into the water and within seconds all of the penguins were swimming.

The penguins didn't have a chance.  We couldn't even see the shark in the darkness but we could see the penguins trying to get out of the tank.  That was when the penguins were most vulnerable.  The sides of the tank were too high for the penguins to escape but they didn't know that and they kept trying.  That was when the shark struck.  The shark surged out of the water and we lost sight of all the penguins.  For a moment I thought the shark just ate all the penguins in one mouthful, but that was impossible.  I didn't think bringing the penguins up here was so funny anymore.  After looking at the expressions on Burns' and Grimshaw's faces, I knew they didn't think it was very funny anymore either.

The penguins resurfaced on the other side of the tank and tried to climb out again.  And once again the shark attacked.  Another penguin was gone and the survivors scattered.  The same thing happened again and again until all the penguins were gone.  "They should have swam," I said.  "He's fast but not as quick as the penguins.  Even in their obese condition, I bet they could have gotten away for a little while."

"It wouldn't have mattered," Burns said.  "They didn't have a chance."

"Well, so much for the penguin exhibit," said Grimshaw.

"What a stupid idea," I said.  "That was the meanest thing I've ever been a part of.  In fact, I can't believe I went along with it."

"Oh stop whining!  You thought it was funny on the way up here!  And now we don't have to worry about the penguins anymore.  No more huge costs caring for them.  We did what we had to do," said Grimshaw as he looked to Burns for confirmation.  It was not forthcoming.

"It was a stupid idea, and I can't believe I got talked into it," Burns said.  "But there's nothing we can do about it now.  I'll see you guys in the morning."

I felt awful the rest of the evening.  My conscience was tearing into me.  I knew right from wrong and feeding those penguins to the shark was wrong.  But then I started doubting my conscience.  The shark is a carnivore and carnivores eat other animals.  What difference does it make if we feed it fish or penguins?  Or a kid?  I was too tired to have a philosophical discussion with myself so I just hit the sack.

May 28, 1992

Once again the ringing phone woke me up.  But at least today it was morning.  "Hello?"

"Turn on the news."  It was Burns.

"Why?  What's wrong?"  I asked.

"Thigpen," he said and hung up.

"What?  Thigpen?  What the hell does that mean?"  Then it hit me.  I scrambled out of bed and into the living room and fumbled with the remote.  There he was on TV.  Tommy Thigpen, former security guard at the Hudson Valley Aquarium, was being interviewed.

"And then the black shark attacked the other shark," Thigpen told the interviewer.

"Son of a bitch!  You son of a bitch!"  I paced around the living room.

"When you say 'attacked,' what do you mean?  Can you describe the attack?"  The reporter asked Thigpen.

"The black shark bit the tail off the other shark and then he couldn't swim so good and the black shark kept biting him and eating him and then the other shark died," Thigpen was rambling but the viewer could understand the main point he was trying to make.

"Slow down Mr. Thigpen.  Was there another shark that the black shark fought the next night?"

"Yes, the black shark was fighting with the other shark the next night and he killed him too."

"Are you saying that Mr. Burns and Mr. Bolding saw the black shark kill one shark on Monday night and they did nothing?"

"Yes, they did nothing."

"They knew the black shark would fight the other shark on Tuesday and they didn't do anything?"

"They didn't do anything."

"You stupid bastard!"  I was yelling at the TV.  "He's so dumb, they have to put the words in his mouth!"  The interview continued for another minute or so as the reporter tried to get a better description out of Thigpen but all he could say about the shark was that it was black.  I got dressed and drove over to the Aquarium.  There were more reporters here today than there were yesterday.  I started to wish I didn't have to do the press conference again.  But today was the “discourage lawsuits while getting some publicity out of it” press conference and it was at least as important as yesterday's briefing.

"What kind of damage are we looking at?" Burns asked me as I walked into his office.

"I'm not really sure," I replied.  "All Thigpen did was say that one shark killed two other sharks.  Hopefully it's no big deal.  Everyone knew the shark was a killer anyway.  One look at the teeth could tell you that."

"Grimshaw was worried about some cruelty to animals aspect.  What do you think?"

"I don't see how cruelty to animals plays any part in this.  First, sharks aren't exactly lovable creatures.  The general public thinks sharks are mindless killers so there won't be any tears shed for a couple of dead sharks.  There won't be any public outcry over two dead sand tigers.  I just don't see how animal cruelty is involved here.  All we did was put the shark in an environment that was as close to his natural environment as possible.  And his natural environment includes encounters with other sharks.  It's not like we chained up a bear and then sent a pack of dogs in to attack it.  It's not like a cockfight either.  We didn't have an audience.  We didn't have any gambling on the outcome.  We didn't know it was going to happen."

"So you don't think Thigpen hurt us at all?"  Burns asked.

"Right now, no.  But it just raises another issue we have to be aware of.  Its just more ammunition for any opposition to our plans to display the shark.  I'm just glad Thigpen didn't see what we did to those penguins.  If he saw that and told the world about it, we'd be out of business before lunchtime."

Noon was upon me before I knew it and I was standing behind the podium facing an even bigger crowd of reporters than yesterday.  Fortunately I saw no sign of the Reverend.  I wasn't in any mood to tangle with that particular clown again today.  "Good afternoon, once again my name is Brian Bolding and I'm the spokesperson for the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  I would like to open up by reminding everyone that we are going to display the only megalodon ever held in captivity beginning tomorrow at nine A.M.  Now I realize a lot of you may have questions about some reports from earlier in the day and I'll do my best to address those issues right now.  I will leave time at the end for questions."

"After transporting the megalodon to the Aquarium on Monday, we placed him in what we believed and still do believe to be the closest approximation to his natural environment.  We placed him in the main tank in the Shark Pavilion because it is the biggest tank we have.  Because the water temperature is as close to the temperature of the water from which we caught him and because it also contained other creatures native to his environment."

"Two of these other creatures were sand tiger sharks.  Sand tigers can be found in Aquariums all over the world.  It's very common to see sand tigers in captivity.  Sand tigers are suspected of being man-eaters but no one's really sure.  We did know that megalodons and sand tigers surely encounter each other in the wild and because of that we did not hesitate to include them in the same tank together.  Unfortunately, the megalodon killed the two sand tigers and the Hudson Valley Aquarium staff has felt the pain of that loss.  The two sand tigers were the main attractions here and to lose them both in such a short period of time is really tragic.  But we must go on.  If we could go back and do it all over we would have separated the animals but we had no way of knowing at the time.  It was just a tragedy and all we can hope for is to learn from it."

"Now a couple of more issues have been raised in the last couple of days that I'd like to address.  First, some have questioned whether we own the megalodon.  Under New York state law.  Anybody can catch a wild animal on state property and keep it as an owner.  Since we caught the megalodon in state waters, we are clearly the owners of the megalodon."

"There have also been terrible rumors regarding the death of the young boy on Monday.  It seems some people think our shark is responsible for the attack.  As I said yesterday, we don't know whether this shark is responsible or not.  Apparently the family of the boy is being counseled to seek some reparations from the Aquarium.  I hope that's not true because the Aquarium is not responsible for the shark's actions before captivity.  Before we caught the shark it was a wild animal.  An attack by a wild animal is not a liability borne by a subsequent owner or even the state of New York.  We don't want the family to waste their time and money in a fruitless attempt for some compensation.  They have suffered enough without being taken advantage of by greedy lawyers and advisors."  I was losing the crowd again so I wrapped it up.  "Now I'll take a few questions."  Today I made sure to point a reporter out, even though it was difficult to make out faces under the camera lights.  "Yes."

"If the megalodon didn't attack both sand tigers the same night, then why didn't you do something before the second shark was attacked?"

"We thought that the first attack was an anomaly.  We didn't think it would happen again.  We'd never seen a shark behave like the megalodon did the first night so we assumed it was just a one-night thing.  We thought the megalodon's aggressive behavior was a result of stress from the capture and transport earlier in the day.  We didn't take any action because we didn't think it was necessary.  Yes, go ahead."

"Public opinion polls have shown that there is a racial divide over whether you should display the shark.  Are you doing or planning anything to ease racial tensions?"

"All we can do, as an Aquarium, is operate our business.  We have a unique specimen and we believe the public has a right to see this specimen.  It's unfortunate there are those who want this animal kept out of public view but we don't share that view.  So we're going to display the shark and we invite everybody regardless of race to come and see the shark."

"But is it really necessary for you to begin displaying the shark the very same morning as the funeral for the boy killed by the shark?  Don't you find a serious lack of sensitivity in that?"

"I agree that the timing is an unfortunate coincidence.  We are sensitive to the concerns and emotions of the boy's family and of the African-American community in general but we feel it would be a greater disservice to the public if we deprived them of the opportunity to see this most unique animal."  I paused just long enough for all the reporters to begin yelling out their questions.  I couldn't make out any of them very well but I distinctly heard someone yell "penguin" or "penguins."  Somebody knows, I thought.

I answered as many questions as I could in as short a time as possible.  I gave one word or one sentence answers wherever possible.  I gave a two-question warning and once I was finished with them I thanked everyone and moved away from the podium.

"What happened to the penguins?"  A familiar voice yelled from the back of the conference room.  Instinctively I stopped and looked toward the voice.  If I'd just ignored it and kept on going I wouldn't have had to respond.  But since I reacted visibly to the question, every reporter in the room looked at me for a response.

"They've been transferred," I said and started walking away again.

"Transferred where?  To the Shark Pavilion?"  Now I knew that voice.  I stopped and smiled while many of the reporters laughed.

"Is that you Zaller?  Why don't you join us for lunch and we can talk about old times?"

"I'd like that," Zaller said as he made his way to the front of the room.  Half the reporters were looking at me and the other half were looking at Zaller.

"You guys getting all this?"  I said to the reporters.  "The press conference is over.  It's just a couple of old friends making lunch plans.  There's no Pulitzer prizes here."  Zaller followed me out of the conference room and up to Burns' office.  We didn't say anything to each other as I resisted the temptation to ask Zaller what he knew and wanted.

"What do you want?"  Burns stood up behind his desk when Zaller and I came to the door.  Grimshaw was seated in a chair across from the desk.  "Normally I don't entertain terminated employees.  I just hope you're not disgruntled.  You're not here to kill me are you?"

"That all depends on how reasonable you're willing to be," said Zaller as he sat down next to Grimshaw and put his feet up on Burns' desk.

"Bolding, call security," Burns told me.

"Not so fast there, Bolding.  I've got a business proposition for Burns," said Zaller.  "You hire me back to study the megalodon and I won't put this place out of business."

"How are you going to put me out of business?"  Burns sat down.

"I've had some free time on my hands since you fired me last week.  It seems about the only place that needs a marine biologist is the Hudson Valley Aquarium.  During my week off I picked up a hobby.  You see I carry a video camera around with me and I tape unusual events that I come across.  If something is of particular interest to somebody, I'll sell them the tape."

"That's great!  I wish you luck!  No hard feelings?"  Burns stood up and extended his hand to Zaller.

"Last night, I figured I'd try my luck in this neck of the woods.  Maybe I'd get a glimpse of that shark of yours.  Unfortunately I didn't see the shark but I did see something out of the ordinary."

"What might that be?"  Asked Burns as he sat back down.

"I saw a group of birds, that are not native to this region, mind you, being herded into the Shark Pavilion.  Now were you taking the penguins on a tour of the facility or did you do something more sinister?  If I don't get my job back at quadruple pay and exclusive access to the megalodon, I'll let the entire world watch the videotape and let them determine what happened to the penguins."

"I see," said Burns.  "How long do I have to decide?"

"I'll give you five minutes.  You probably won't need that much time because the decision is an easy one."

"Would you step outside, please?  I'd like to consult with my advisors."

"By all means," said Zaller as he stepped out of the office.  I closed the door behind him.

"That was some idea you had, Grimshaw," I said.

"Drop it," said Burns.

"No, I won't drop it!  It's quite a coincidence that Zaller's buddy came up with the idea!"  I said.

"What are you saying?"  Grimshaw asked.

"I'm saying you and Zaller were in cahoots!  That's what I'm saying!"  I turned to Burns.  "You fired his friend.  Then he comes up with this wacky idea to kill the penguins.  Of course, Zaller just happens to be watching us with his video camera handy!  He tipped Zaller off!  In fact I bet he set up the whole thing!"

"That's a bunch of crap!  The penguins were a pain in the ass and my idea got rid of them!  Both of you went along with it so don't turn around and blame me!"  Grimshaw yelled.

"I don't know what to believe!  You've never screwed me before, Grimshaw.  But God help you if I find out you screwed me now.  Did you tell Zaller about our plans?"  Asked Burns.

"No," Grimshaw answered.

"Alright.  What do we do now?  I think we should believe Zaller.  He knows about what we did to the penguins.  That much is certain.  Whether he has an actual videotape or not, we don't know, but I doubt it even matters.  All he has to do is give an interview like Thigpen did and we're screwed.  Videotape or no videotape."

"I think that's a safe assumption," I said.

"We do need a new marine biologist.  I think we should hire him back," said Burns.

"He's blackmailing us.  In the history of the human race, has any good ever come out of capitulating to a blackmailer?"  I asked.

"What choice do we have?  I say we hire him back.  He won't finish us and we'll get a marine biologist," said Grimshaw.

"It figures you'd want him back, you turncoat," I said.

"I don't want to go to prison for killing those penguins!  Do you?  What do you think happens to guys like you in prison?"  Grimshaw asked me.

"We turn into guys like you," I said.  "If we're going to give in, we should at least get the videotape from him, so he can't hold it over our heads forever."

"Good idea," said Burns.  "Bring Zaller back in here."  I went out and got Zaller.

"So what's the verdict?"  Zaller asked.

"We'll hire you back but there are two conditions," answered Burns.

"Oh, I don't think I like the sound of that.  What are they?"

"First, you give us the videotape," said Burns.

"No," said Zaller.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to.  What does it matter to you anyway?  I could have a hundred copies of the tape by now.  You'd never know.  Besides it doesn't really matter if I have a videotape or not.  I know what happened to the penguins and as Mr. Thigpen demonstrated this morning, a thousand words are worth a picture.  You can just trust me.  As long as I'm employed by you I won't tell anyone."

"How can we trust you?  You're blackmailing us!"  I said.

"'Blackmail' has such negative connotations.  I prefer to think of what I'm doing as justice.  I shouldn't have been fired and you all know it.  What's the second condition?"  Zaller asked.

"I'm still the boss around here.  You do what I say just like any other employee.  If you don't then I don't give a damn about what happens.  I'll close this place in a second if I lose control.  If I can't have it no one can.  That's my motto.  And don't think I'm kidding either.  I've faced legal trouble before and I got out of it.  You might be able to destroy this Aquarium but you can't destroy me.  In fact you can't even scare me.  I'm taking you back as much because we need a marine biologist as I am because of blackmail.  So do we have a deal?"  Burns stood and extended his hand to Zaller.

"Yeah, we got a deal," Zaller said as he shook hands with Burns.  "Let's take a look at this megalodon.  I'm surprised you guys kept it alive this long without me."

We spent the rest of the day making sure things were ready for our big opening.  I followed Zaller around and tried to explain what we'd done and why.  He usually just frowned and shook his head.  Sometimes he laughed.  Apparently the only things he liked more than the now deceased penguins were sharks.

"Where'd you learn about sharks?  Law school?"  Zaller asked me.

"You're not going to tell me a lawyer joke now are you?  You know, lawyer bashing will probably be a crime one of these days."

"Seriously, where'd you learn about sharks?  You obviously know more than the rest of these boobs.  You knew enough to keep this thing alive for a few days.  Cousteau probably couldn't have kept a shark alive on the Cross Bronx Expressway."

"I picked things up here and there.  I was always interested in them.  When I was growing up I thought it was neat knowing that there were man-eaters less than thirty miles away."

"Man-eater?  I think you've seen too many movies," Zaller said.

"What do movies have to do with it?  The attack on Monday was no movie."

"It was just an aberration.  A case of mistaken identity," said Zaller.

"What did he think that kid was?  A mermaid?  Give it a rest.  It didn't bump him or bite him and release him.  The shark bit him and hung on until it got a meal out of it.  If it was a case of mistaken identity, the shark would have realized its mistake long before ripping the kids arm off."

"Great whites attack surfers all the time because from the shark's viewpoint the surfer has a silhouette very similar to a sea lion's," said Zaller.

"Well in this case a ten year old boy was standing in waist deep water.  There was no silhouette.  There was no surfboard.  There are no sea lions.  Even more importantly there was no great white.  I think you'd be wise to remember that we have a megalodon, not a great white.  Sure they may share some traits, even tendencies, but these are very different animals."

"Not that different.  So what's your theory on why the boy was even able to get out of the water with only a missing arm?  Based on Mr. Thigpen's story, that kid should be shark excrement by now.  There wouldn't be a body to bury tomorrow if that shark meant to attack him."

"I don't have any idea why," I said.

"I don't imagine you've heard any of the jokes surrounding this attack."

"I've been a little busy."

"Why didn't the shark eat the kid?" Zaller asked.

"Because of some racial bias the shark has, right?"

"What bug crawled up your ass?"  Asked Zaller.

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret about me.  I never found Polish jokes funny.  I never found Irish jokes funny.  I never found Jewish jokes funny.  You might say I'm a saint, but that's not it.  They're just not funny," I said.

"I guess I don't have to go to church this week since I've already heard the sermon," replied Zaller.  "I didn't think you'd be the politically correct type."

"Well, you'd be right because I'm not the politically correct type.  And don't think I don't like you because you tell politically incorrect jokes.  I didn't like you before you told them."

"Have it your way!  Thanks for keeping the shark warm for me.  You can go home now and let the expert handle things," said Zaller.

"Hey Zaller, you might want to bring some rubber gloves in tomorrow so you can go through the shark's stool to find your penguins."

I went home and found my answering machine was full.  I didn't bother checking it yesterday.  A few reporters called wanting this and that.  There were calls from my friends giving me the business over the press conferences.  One so-called friend called me a stuttering dork.  There were no calls from Katie but the Deacon got through.  Tomorrow night's pre-cana meeting was delayed until eight P.M.  That gave me an extra hour tomorrow to figure out how to slip away from the Aquarium and salvage my relationship with my fiancé.  I wasn't looking forward to waking up tomorrow.

May 29, 1992

TGIF it wasn't when the alarm went off.  Actually I woke a minute before my alarm went off.  I looked at the clock and expected a few more hours of sleep and I was crushed when they were denied me.  I didn't know what I was dreading, but it came to me as I turned on the morning news and saw riot footage from last night.  I was at the center of a public debate, a sometimes-violent public debate.  I wasn't afraid of the violence affecting me personally.  It was a nagging feeling that I caused all of the trouble this week.  Sure there were underlying tensions but if I'd acted differently the situation would not be as volatile as it was today.  I was afraid that the tension would peak today because of the shark display and the funeral.  I wish Burns had listened to me and delayed the opening until tomorrow.  The emotions would not be as high tomorrow.  Perhaps there was still time to change his mind.  The answering machine kicked on just as I reached for the phone.  I didn't remember turning the ringer off last night but I must have because the switch was set to off.  I waited to screen the call but the tape kept fast-forwarding.  The tape was full even though I erased all the messages last night.  I picked up the phone.  "Hello."

"Hey, it's Dad!  Where have you been?  We've been trying to reach you!"

"I had the ringer off!  I've been getting some unwanted calls.  What's wrong?"

"The phone was ringing all night here.  We also had some trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"We had a couple of broken windows, but everyone's OK."

"What happened?"

"Somebody threw some rocks, but we called the police and they've been stationed outside and nothing has happened since.  Do you remember Chris Duffy?  Your old buddy from school?  He's a cop in town now.  He's very nice.  He told us not to worry.  He even said there would be cops around your apartment."  I peeked out my window and sure enough there was a police car parked in the street.

"I assume this is about the shark," I said.  "I'm sorry this happened Dad.  I didn't have any idea this would happen."

"Forget it.  It's not your fault.  You're doing great.  I'm telling you, I was so proud when I saw the news conferences on TV.  This is the biggest story of the year and you're right in there.  This is so exciting!"

"I know Dad.  It's too exciting.  I've got to get over to the Aquarium, but I want you to be careful.  I heard there are busloads of protesters coming up from the City after the kid's funeral.  Supposedly they're going to meet at the Aquarium, close it down and then march through town.  Maybe you should think about getting away," I said.

"That won't be necessary.  It's going to rain this afternoon.  There's a severe thunderstorm watch already set for this afternoon.  Who the hell's going to march through River Valley in a thunderstorm?"  Asked Dad.

"Nobody," I answered.

"Exactly!  I'll let you go now.  Enjoy today.  You'll remember it for the rest of your life."

"I'm sure I will, Dad."

The sun had barely risen and there was such a crowd at the Aquarium that I gave up on the main parking lot and went directly to the service entrance down near the town golf course.  If there was anyway to tell this service entrance was part of the Aquarium, I'm sure it would have been crowded too.  Because of the half-mile of woods between the main entrance and the service entrance, everybody thought this was part of the town's public golf course.

"Big day today, Mr. Bolding," said the security guard watching the service entrance.

"Sure is," I replied.  It felt awkward to be addressed as 'Mr.' by a man at least twice my age.  It was also odd to have strangers address me by name.  "It might be a big day back here too.  Check everyone very closely because we've canceled all deliveries for today.  I expect somebody will try to get in back here."

"No problem, Mr. Bolding."

I parked next to the truck we used to transport the shark on Monday.  It was going to be another scorcher and I was glad I wouldn't be spending it in the back of that truck again.  I walked by the maintenance buildings and past the security guard watching the back gate.  I knew this guy and I passed with a wave.  I went past the former penguin habitat without so much as a glance.  Burns, Grimshaw and Zaller were waiting for me by the entrance.

"It's not the same place without them," Zaller said gesturing towards the penguins former home.  Burns and Grimshaw looked at me and shook their heads.

"Sure it is," I replied.

"Today's the big day!"  Burns shook my hand.  "You should be proud of yourself."

"Oh yeah," I said.

"Let's get through today before we start congratulating ourselves," said Zaller.

"Who's congratulating you?  You had nothing to do with this," I said.

"We're all on the same team now," said Burns.  "Why don't we go through the tunnel and try it out?"

The four of us walked to the entrance of the Shark Pavilion.  A maze of walkways was roped off and ready for the line of people that would form to enter the acrylic tunnel that ran underneath the main tank.  We walked inside the tunnel and onto the moving sidewalk that brought us through the tunnel at a crawl.  The first thing that struck me was how dark the tank was.  I could barely make out the black megalodon in the darkness.  "Why is it so dark in here?  People aren't even going to be able to get a good look at it."

"Grimshaw figured if we left it dark, people wouldn't get a good look at it and would keep coming back to get a better look.  I happen to agree.  If people leave fully satisfied they won't come back.  Frankly, we need the repeat business," explained Burns.  I shrugged my shoulders but I doubt anyone noticed in the dark.

"That makes sense but we don't want to piss anyone off," I said.

"I think we should speed up the sidewalk too.  There's going to be a long line out there and I think we'd better make sure the line keeps moving," said Grimshaw.

"You're probably right.  In fact, I think we'll speed it up as fast as we can safely.  We have to make sure the attendants keep reminding people to hold on to the railings and watch their step when they get off.  They have to say it loudly once every ten people and if they don't I'll personally come down here and fire them.  We don't need any personal injury lawsuits filed against us.  Why don't you explain it to them, Grimshaw?  Make sure they know how important those warnings are legally.  Okay?"  Asked Burns.

"Okay, I'll do it as soon as we get off."

"Wait a minute.  You can't keep it this dark and speed up the sidewalk.  People are going to feel ripped off.  They'll think we cheated them.  This isn't some ridiculous sideshow freak we have here.  It's not like we put a giant horn on a goat and called it a unicorn!  We don't have to hide this shark.  People will be fascinated by it and will keep coming back to see it because it's cool and unique.  This is the only one people have ever seen and it's probably the only one they'll ever see," I said.  The moving sidewalk came to an end and we stepped off.

"I don't care how fast the sidewalk moves but I think we should keep it dark.  The natural environment of this shark is dark anyway and we might as well try to keep the tank as close to the shark's natural environment as possible," said Zaller.

"How do you know what this shark's natural environment is?  You never even saw one until yesterday!  You have no idea what you're talking about!  You're just guessing!  Admit it!"  I yelled.

"Looks like someone's mad because he can't play marine biologist anymore.  I've forgotten more about marine biology than you'll ever know in your entire life.  So why don't you keep you're amateur opinions to yourself?"  Said Zaller.

"Zaller's right Brian.  Besides we can always change things later if there are complaints," said Burns.

The crowd waiting outside had grown substantially by the time the gates were finally opened.  There were hundreds if not thousands of people waiting to come in.  The first people ran in but they didn't know where to go.  People were screaming and yelling as they started down the wrong path only to realize their mistake.  Eventually the crowd streamed directly towards the Shark Pavilion.

"You notice anything strange about the crowd?"  Grimshaw asked me.

"Not particularly.  It's a bigger crowd than I thought it would be considering this is a weekday morning," I answered.

"No.  There's something else."

"Well, I've lived in this town my whole life except for school and I haven't recognized a soul yet," I said.

"There's no blacks," said Grimshaw and he was right.

"I haven't seen a single black person yet.  How can that be?  I realize there's a racial controversy with the shark but not even a single black person is here.  I find it hard to believe that not a single black person is curious about the shark.  Is there a boycott we didn’t hear about?"

"Nobody's out protesting though, so that's good.  I don't think we'll have the trouble you predicted," Zaller said.

"I didn't predict trouble.  I said we'd better be prepared for it, just in case.  Besides the kid's funeral just started and most of the troublemakers, like the good Reverend, are attending that.  They'll be here as soon as the funeral's over.  You can count on that."  The phone rang and the secretary said it was for Grimshaw.  "I'm going to head over to the Pavilion to see how it's going," I said.

I put on a baseball hat and tried to slip into the crowd on the way to the pavilion but I was virtually the only one wearing long pants so I felt I was sticking out like a sore thumb.  I didn't want anyone to recognize me because I didn't know what the public reaction to the display was.  I didn't want to be beaten up if people started to feel they were being ripped off.  On the way over I heard quite a few people bitching about the ticket prices.

"It's double what the prices were a week ago.  I wouldn't have let my dog take a crap in this place a week ago," said one voice from behind me.

"It figures.  They get one interesting fish in this damn place and they start gouging people," responded a woman.

Wait until they see how fast the sidewalk moves through the tunnel, I thought.  And if they didn't bring their night vision goggles, there was no chance of getting a good look at the shark.  So much for satisfying the customer.  The customer is always wrong.  I couldn't believe Burns actually doubled the ticket prices.  Well, actually I could since I know Burns will do anything for money.  I should have talked him out of it but it didn't even occur to me until I overheard that couple's conversation.  It was such a blatant example of price gouging.  I didn't think it was illegal though, since there was no community-wide crisis.  It wasn't like we doubled the price of gasoline after a hurricane or something.  People were willing to pay it.  I guess that was the free market at work.

Once the line began to form, I split from the crowd and headed for the back entrance where Zaller and Burns were.  I glanced back and was unnerved to see people pointing at me.  I felt like a spy.

I entered the back of the building and saw Zaller and Burns leaning over the railing and looking in the water.  "You guys look like you're seasick," I said.

"Come here," said Burns.  "Do you see anything down there?"

"Like a megalodon?  No, and I doubt the customers can see it either.  I think we'd better turn on some lights in here before people get pissed off.  They're already pissed about the ticket prices.  I guess the sidewalk's speed is okay, just so we can keep the line moving..."

"Forget about all that for now," Burns interrupted me.  "Do you see anything down there?"

"Like what?''  Burns was serious so I leaned over the railing and looked in water.  I saw it.

"Like a little greenish light," said Zaller.

"I see it, all right," I said.  "What is it?"

"We don't know.  Why don't you go through the tunnel and see if you can see it down there?"  Burns didn't ask me.  He told me.  I didn't want to sound like a wuss by saying the people might recognize me and hurt me in that order.  So I went.

Nobody even glanced at me until I asked the attendant to let me into the tunnel.  Some old woman went out of her way to get in my way, but I managed to avoid her.  I must have looked strange going through the tunnel because I was staring at the bottom of the tank instead of looking up and pointing like everyone else.

I finally saw the greenish light and I pressed my face as close to the glass as possible to get as good a look as I could.  It was a watch.

"Look!  It's the kid's watch!"  Yelled someone behind me in the tunnel.  As the sidewalk continued on, I could hear more and more people yelling and pointing at the watch.

Once off the sidewalk, I ran around the building and stopped in front of Burns and Zaller.  I tried to catch my breath before I spoke.

"What is it?"  Yelled Burns as he grabbed my arm.

"It's the watch.  It's the kid's watch," I gasped.  Burns looked at Zaller.  "And everyone going through the tunnel knows about it now."

"What the hell do we do?"  Asked Burns.

"We close.  At least until we can get the watch out of there," I said.

"We can't close!  People want to see this!  People have paid to see this!"  Yelled Zaller.

"We have no choice!  We have to get that watch out of there!"  I said.

"What the hell for?  The kid doesn't need it anymore!  He's dead!  Remember?"

"So what?  Under the law his estate owns the watch.  That means his parents own the watch.  That means they can sue us to get it back," I said.

"Let them sue us then!  How much can the watch be worth?"  Asked Zaller.

"They could sue us for intentional infliction of emotional distress.  If we knowingly left their dead son's watch on the bottom of the tank of the shark that killed him, while we charged people to view it, any lawyer they get will eat us alive.  Who knows how much they could win from us?"

"We found the watch.  Isn't there some sort of finder's keeper's rule?"  Asked Burns.

"Probably.  I'm not exactly sure.  I don't think it applies when we know who the owner is.  In this case we know who the owner is so we can't just keep it.  Under New York law, I believe we have ten days to return it.  I don't know if the ten days run from when we actually find it.  Today.  Or from when we should have found it, like Tuesday."

"Either way, we have a few days to work with.  We'll stay open until we decide what to do," said Burns.

"You don't get it," I said.  "The lawsuits won't matter if people become so outraged about this whole situation.  We've already pissed off every black person in the free world.  If we leave the watch in there it won't be long before we piss off the rest of the world's population too.  We can't operate a business if every potential customer hates us.  Of course we could hold Skinhead or Klan days but how long would that last?"

"Okay, okay!  I get it!  How do we get the watch out?"  Asked Burns.

"I say we lift the shark out in the net and have someone jump and go get it," I suggested.

"Oh, no way!  That could kill it!  Then we'd have nothing!"  Said Zaller.  "I realize that's how you caught it but you were more lucky than smart.  I don't want to risk that again."

"You have a better way?"  I asked.

"Yeah.  I'll just put on my gear and swim down and get it."

"You're going to swim down there and get it while the shark is swimming around?"  I asked.

"Yes," answered Zaller.

"That's ridiculous!  That shark will eat you alive!  You weren't here when it devoured two sand tigers and a herd of penguins but if you were, you wouldn't even go in the building with that shark, mush less the water.  Right, Mr. Burns."

"I'm afraid he's right, Zaller," said Burns.  "It's too dangerous."

"I'm the marine biologist around here.  Nobody knows sharks better than I do.  I'll get in and get out before the shark even knows I'm there.  It's not dangerous if you know what you're doing and you know what to look for."

"You don't know this shark.  You've never seen one..."  I said, but Zaller cut me off.

"The alternative is to yank that shark back out of the water.  I won't let you do that.  I'm not some martyr here.  I really don't give a damn about the rest of this aquarium.  I do want to be the first marine biologist on my block to study a carcharodon megalodon.  This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm not going to let it slip away," said Zaller.  He looked at Burns, who was scowling back at Zaller.  "Besides, I know how you love money.  How would you like to tell all those people who came in this morning this exhibit is closed?  They'd all expect their money back.  It's not like you can send them over to look at the penguins anymore, can you?"

"You can go in if you want, Zaller.  I'm not going to force you.  Bolding, I want you to draw up a little waiver for Zaller to sign indicating neither I nor the Aquarium is responsible for any injuries he incurs."

Zaller went to get his gear.  Burns got some attendants to shut down the exhibit and explain to people that it was only temporary.  I hustled up to my office and banged out a waiver for Zaller to sign.  On my way out of the office, I stopped to check Zaller's personnel file.  It turns out he never filled out an emergency notification card.  I grabbed one and headed to the Shark Pavilion.

"Read it and sign it," I said to Zaller as he put on his scuba gear.  He glanced at the sheet I held out to him and signed with the pen I provided.

"You didn't write it in legalese.  I didn't see any 'heretofores' or 'party of the first part' in there.  Are you sure you're a lawyer?"

"They taught us not to write that crap in law school.  Here fill this out," I said.

"Now?  What the hell is it that it can't wait until I'm done?"

"It's an emergency notification card.  I want to know who to call when the shark tears you apart," I said.

"You're a funny guy, Bolding."  Zaller took the card out of my hand, crumpled it up and blew his nose on it.  He handed it back to me and I absentmindedly accepted it.  "They can get my DNA off that."

"I'll be sure to let the lab boys take a look at it," I said and dropped the card.  "I don't think I'll miss you when you're dead."  I wiped my hand on my pants.

"Shut up," Zaller said.

"One last time I'll ask you to reconsider.  This is not a great white.  This shark is much more aggressive than any shark I've ever seen..."

"I know what I'm doing," said Zaller.  “Here’s my video camera.  Film me going in.  Nobody has ever done this before.

"I won't get a chance to say I told you so."

"You won't need one."

Burns came back in and the two of us watched as Zaller finished getting ready.  I turned the lights on as bright as they would go.  We could clearly see the shark making his rounds.  As he swam past us, Zaller made his move.  In he went.  The shark didn't even slow down but he had to know Zaller was there.  Zaller made his way towards the watch, moving deeper and deeper.  He never took his eyes off the shark.

The shark continued on its merry way around the tank.  Zaller was now standing directly over the watch, but he made no attempt to pick it up.  Instead he kept shifting to face the shark as it circled.  Then the shark closed the circle just a fraction before turning back out towards the wall.  Zaller saw his chance and looked down at the watch.

The shark was a blur as it shot towards Zaller.  Zaller looked up just in time and managed to get out of the way.  Almost.  The jaws clamped down on the tip of Zaller's right foot.  Zaller struggled for a moment but then was free.  There was a small cloud streaming from Zaller's foot as he made a mad dash to the edge of the tank opposite Burns and I.  Burns started running to the other side of the tank.  I dropped the video camera and got on my knees, reached in the water and started splashing.  I was trying to attract the shark but he would have none of it.

Zaller was nearly to the edge when the shark got him from below.  The jaws closed on Zaller's right leg at the knee.  The force of the shark propelled Zaller out of the water and he was able to grab onto the handrail that surrounded most of the tank.  Burns grabbed his arm and tried to pull him over as I started running towards them.  I saw Zaller going over the railing onto the pavement.

Zaller's right leg was gone below the knee.  And blood was flowing out of the stump in a pool on floor.  The scene stunned me.  I couldn't move until Burns screamed at me.

"Call an ambulance!"

I turned to run for a phone but I saw Grimshaw already running.  I didn't even see Grimshaw come in.  I turned back around to Zaller and Burns.  Zaller was unconscious and Burns was just staring at him.  The pool of blood was getting bigger and bigger.  We had to stop the bleeding.  I looked around for something to tie around Zaller's leg and I found a rope.  I tied the rope as tight as I could around Zaller's leg as close to the bloody stump as I dared.  I didn't even want to look at it.  When I was finished I was pretty proud of myself for taking such a short time, but shortly after I was done two paramedics burst in and untied the rope.  They loaded Zaller on a stretcher and whisked him away.  Grimshaw came over to Burns and I.

"What happened?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"What do you think happened?"  I asked.

"What the hell was he doing in the tank?"  Grimshaw asked.

"He volunteered!  He thought he was so smart!  I told him not to but he's a marine biologist!  He's an expert!  Well he's going to be an expert in peg legs now!  He should've listened to me!"

"Now what?"  Asked Burns.

"Now we close the place and get the watch out like I said we should have!  We pick up the shark and then someone goes in," I said.

"The reason I came down to see you guys in the first place was to tell you the crowd was getting a little agitated.  They're angry the Shark Pavilion is closed.  What are we going to tell them now?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"Tell them we're closed until further notice," I said.

"They're gonna flip when they hear that!  I can't tell them that!"  Said Grimshaw.

"Tell them they'll get a full refund," I said.

"No," said Burns.  "Tell them they'll get a voucher for a free visit."

"A free visit?  We can tell them to come when we open up the human remains wing in the Shark Pavilion!"  I yelled.  "I wish I wore my Kevlar outfit today."

Grimshaw's beeper went off.  "Uh oh," he said.

"What now?"  Asked Burns.

"Only five people have my beeper number.  You two.  Zaller.  My wife, who I doubt is even out of bed yet.  And an old law school friend of mine."  Zaller looked down at his beeper.  "And I don't recognize the number."

"So?"  I asked.

"This friend works in a certain state agency that I will not disclose.  This week I asked him to call me if the state was going to take any negative actions towards us."

"Like what?"  Asked Burns.

"Like criminal charges?"  I asked.

"Anything.  My friend's pretty high up but he owes me some big favors from law school.  Let's just say without me he'd be an assistant dogcatcher now."

"Can you trust him," asked Burns.

"We don't even know if it's him," I said.  "Why don't you hurry up and call the number back so we know.  I don't want to spend the rest of the day wondering what else bad is going to happen."

Grimshaw went back to the office and made his call.  Burns and I followed a couple of minutes later.  "I guess we should call Zaller's family and tell them what happened," said Burns.

"Does he have any family?  I never heard him mention that he had any family," I said.

"What does his emergency notification card say?"  Asked Burns.

"That moron didn't fill one out."

"Oh well.  Screw it.  We tried to contact his family.  What do you want for lunch?"  Asked Burns.

I looked up and saw Grimshaw running faster than I'd ever seen him.  I shook my head and looked at Burns.

"What is it?"  Burns asked Grimshaw who was doubled over trying to catch his breath.

"They're going to take the shark away before dawn tomorrow," Grimshaw gasped.

"Who is?"  I asked.

"The state of New York.  He wouldn't say exactly what governmental branch.  He was afraid someone was going to catch him so he made the call very quick."

"Did he say on what grounds they were going to seize the shark?"  I asked.

"Animal cruelty," said Grimshaw.

"That's crap!"  Said Burns.

"No it's not," I said.  "It's because of that wretch, Thigpen!  The state can claim we knew the sharks were going to fight."

"But we didn't know," said Burns.

"Well, the state can say we did know or we should have known because it happened twice.  The first time we may not have known, but the second time we have no excuse.  We're screwed.  They got us."

"Where are they going to take the shark?"  Asked Burns.

"Who knows?  They could take it anywhere.  They could put it in the New York Aquarium.  They can do anything they want with it, including display it, I suppose.  As far as I know they can keep it until the matter of animal cruelty is resolved."

"There's got to be a way out of this," said Burns.

"Unfortunately, I don't see any way around it," I said.  "Anything but animal cruelty, I'd say we had a chance.  Assuming they claim their actions are to protect the shark, we have no defense.  If they said the animal was a danger to the community, they wouldn't have a chance.  We could just say that the shark was only dangerous in water and should the shark escape it would pose no danger to anyone on dry land.  But they're not acting in anyone's best interest except the shark's, so I don't think we have a leg to stand on."  Burns and Zaller looked at me.  "Sorry, no pun intended."

"None taken," said Grimshaw.

"I don't want anyone else to have this shark," said Burns.  "We took the risk.  We did the work.  We deserve the rewards."

"There's nothing we can do," said Grimshaw.

"Sure there is," said Burns.  "We can release it.  If I can't have it then no one can.  As soon as it gets dark we're letting the shark go."

"When are you bastards going to open up the shark exhibit?"  Yelled a big, sweaty, fat guy in a tank top who was still on line to see the shark.

"Never, fat boy!"  Yelled Burns.  "Grimshaw, get these filthy animals out of here!  The Aquarium is closed!"

This afternoon will go down as one of the great days in mob violence history.  You take thousands of angry sweaty people, add an eight dollar admission fee, subtract the reason they paid the eight dollars in the first place, add a rude announcement kicking them out, subtract competent security, add racial tension in the parking lot and multiply the whole thing with live TV coverage and you end up with a giant wrestling match.  "Thank God it wasn't bat day," I said as I peeked out one of the broken office windows.

"I can't believe the bushes burned that fast," said Grimshaw.

"I'm sure glad I didn't park in the main lot," I said.  "I doubt there's going to be much left out there."  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Grimshaw wince.  "Don't worry about your car though, Grimshaw.  Mobs usually stay away from convertible Corvettes.  You probably shouldn't have parked in the handicap space, though."

The state police responded when the local cops realized the situation was out of control.  But the state police didn't get a chance to do much before the clouds darkened signaling the arrival of another cold front.  The violent thunderstorm dispersed the angry mob better than any riot-clad police officers could.  Only seven arrests were made.  Those seven people were caught in the Shark Pavilion watching the shark.  They were charged with trespassing.  They paid to see the shark.  They saw the shark and now they were a part of the criminal justice system.  Another blow to the Hudson Valley Aquarium's chances to garner repeat business.

The police asked us some questions about how the riot began.  Burns told them to either charge us with something or stop harassing us.  "And thanks for doing nothing," said Burns.  The police assured us they'd be in touch.

Dozens of reporters continued their coverage from the main parking lot.  "Get them out of here!"  screamed Burns at me.

"No!"  I yelled back.  "Let them stay there.  That way, we know where they are.  If we kick them out they'll find some other way to cover the story and that may mean they'll be watching the service entrance.  If we're going to try to sneak the shark out today, then we should just leave the reporters alone.  Let them cover the riot story.  They won't even think that we'd try to release the shark, especially after the riot."

"He's got a point," said Grimshaw.  For some reason, having Grimshaw on my side didn't make me feel so good.

"Okay, you're right.  We could probably take the shark now.  Look how dark it is," said Burns.

"It's only going to get darker.  We'll be better off waiting until late this afternoon," I said.

The number of reporters began to dwindle, as it got darker and darker out.  Some reporters were obviously waiting to give live reports on the evening broadcasts, but we had our chance.  We couldn't wait too long because we didn't know when the state would act.

Burns backed the truck up to the Shark Pavilion.  Burns had to drive because neither Grimshaw nor I knew how to operate a manual transmission, at least in any reasonable manner.  When Burns climbed down from the truck, he had some second thoughts about the reporters outside.  "We need a distraction," he said.

"Why don't I go out and give a statement?  I'll just go out there and make up some rambling statement," I offered.

"No, Grimshaw can do it.  I need you back here to load the shark," said Burns.

"What am I going to say?"  Asked Grimshaw.

"Just make something up.  Stall them for a while.  That's all I ask.  Answer all their questions.  Whatever.  Just keep them busy," said Burns.

I grabbed the controls of the load lifter, which basically was the business part of a crane that was moved along a track under the ceiling of the Pavilion.  I lowered the load lifter's cable and hooked up the same ten foot net we used on Monday to the hook at the end of the cable.  We were going to try the same technique we used to catch the shark originally.

The net entered the water and as soon as the shark swam past, we knew we were in trouble.  In less than a week, the shark had grown substantially larger than the net.  "This isn’t going to work," I said.

"It has to work," said Burns.  "We don't have time to try anything else.  Just get it done."  Burns had gotten some of the shark's food, which consisted of some sort of fish parts that Zaller had recommended, and threw it in the water above the net.  As the shark rounded the tank and faced the food, he went for it.  He slowed at the last moment.  Was he concerned by the net?  Did he know the prey wasn't going anywhere?  Did he know we were trying to release him?  I don't know.  I do know that he slowed down and started eating right over the net.  As soon as his head moved over the net, I started raising it.  But the damn thing wasn't fast enough.  As I raised the net out of the water, the massive head of the shark stuck out over the edge of the net.  "So far so good," said Burns as he checked on the pump forcing water from the tank to the transport box on the back of the truck.

"I wish we had a better hold of him," I said.  "I think he's going to slide out the front there."

"Don't worry about it.  Just start moving it over here.  The transport box is just about full."

The load lifter moved painfully slowly.  It had a five-ton limit so I wasn't concerned about the shark being too heavy.  I was concerned about the rough ride.  I never noticed how the load lifter shook when it was moving at full speed.  Of course, I'd never really watched it before this week.

We finally crossed the point of no return.  The shark moved from over the water to over the back of the truck.  The shark hadn't slid the whole ride.  I just had to move it over the box and lower it.  Then the power cut off.  The lights went off and the load lifter stopped.  Abruptly.  Unfortunately, the momentum of the shark continued forward.  The shark slid forward.  "Look out!"  I yelled to Burns.  Burns scrambled away from the truck just as the shark plopped on the flatbed of the truck.

We stood in silence for a moment as the shark thrashed on the back of the truck.  "What the hell did we do this for?"  I asked.  The shark stopped moving.  "It's as good as dead now.  We have no way to get it off the truck."  Burns climbed in the driver's side door.

"Get in," he told me.

"Why?  It's over.  The shark's dead.”

"No he's not.  Get in."  I climbed in the passenger side door and Burns started the truck.  "We still have time.  That shark's tough."

"Where are we going to go?  The shark needs water.  We don't have time to drive him to the Atlantic.  He'll be dead before we get to Jersey," I said.

"It's not like you to give up," said Burns.  It was like listening to my father.  Except my father wasn't nuts.  "Think.  There must be a way out of this."

I looked back at the shark.  I felt sorry for it now.  It was a stupid animal.  It didn't kill the kid because it was mean.  It didn't bite Zaller's leg off because it didn't like Zaller, even though I'm sure it didn't like Zaller.  Who was I kidding?  I didn't give a damn about the shark.  I just didn't want to go done in history as the first and only person to kill a carcharadon megalodon.  It would be one of the biggest scientific boners of all time.  "Head for the river," I said.

"The Hudson?  It's fresh water.  The shark won't survive in there.  We have to find a way to pick the shark up and get him in salt water."

"We don't have time for that.  Salt water extends up the Hudson River at least part way.  I have no idea how far up.  At least we'll give the shark a chance to swim to salt water.  Besides, we have no idea if megalodons can live in fresh water.  Bull sharks can.  Maybe megalodons can too," I said.

"Maybe you're right.  We'll head over to Riverside.  I've got my boat docked over there.  It's only about ten minutes from here."

"We still have to figure how to get the shark out of the truck and into the water," I said.

"That's no problem.  I'll just back the truck into the water if I have to.  There's a park along the river over there.  They have a ramp into the water to get boats in and out.  It's open to the public.  I'll just back into water."

"Will you be able to get the truck back out?"  I asked.

"Who cares?  I won't need it ever again after this trip."

We drove over to Riverside in silence.  In the rain, nobody even noticed the shark we were carrying, thank goodness.  We got to the deserted park and Burns backed the truck to the ramp.  "Get out and take off the railings," Burns said.  I got out and climbed on the back of the truck.  The shark didn't move at all.  It could have been stuffed if I didn't know better.  Its mouth was open in a toothy grin.

I lifted the railings out and threw them on the ground.  I jumped off the truck and Burns backed it down the ramp and into the water.  The truck went into the water as far as it could but the shark was only half under water.  Burns got out and stood next to me.  "That's as far as it'll go," he said.

"If only the shark was facing the back of the truck, he'd probably be able to get out," I said.

"What if we got up there and pushed him?"  Suggested Burns.

The idea of pushing the business end of the shark didn't appeal to me.  "I think he's way to heavy for us to make any kind of difference."

"Let's try it," said Burns and we climbed up.  The shark hadn't moved since we were back at the Aquarium.  "I doubt he's in any condition to bother us.  We'll brace ourselves against the cab of the truck.  We'll each just put one foot on his nose and push.  Okay?"

"I guess," I said.  I put my left foot on the shark's snout, turned my back to the shark and started to push.  The only image I had in my head was those teeth.  In a flash, I felt my foot give way as the shark moved underneath it.  I tried to jerk my leg out of the way, but it wouldn't move.  There was no pain.

I looked down and saw the shark's jaws were closed on the leg of my pants.  Down the length of the shark, I could see the shark's tail churning in the water.  The shark started moving and I tried to climb over the cab of the truck.  The shark turned its head and my pants gave way.  My pants split right up the crotch and the shark swam away with my left pant leg in its mouth.  I was shaking as I looked down at my bare legs.  "You son of a bitch!"  I yelled.

I heard Burns laughing.  "It's real funny, you bastard," I said and started laughing myself.  I looked ridiculous.  My remaining pant leg had long since fallen down my leg and over my shoe.  I kept laughing until I looked at my watch.  "Oh crap!"

"What?"  Asked Burns.

"It's 7:30 already.  I've got my pre-cana meeting at 8:00.  I have to be there or my wedding will not take place.  My fiancé gave me an ultimatum and I think she means it.  She hasn't even spoken to me in days.  You gotta get me to the church," I said.

"How?" asked Burns.

"In the truck.  I don't know how to drive it.  So you gotta give me a ride."

"The truck's not going anywhere.  We can't get it out of the water.  It won't run anymore.  We got water in the engine or something."

"So how am I gonna get back?"

"There's a phone down the street there," said Burns.

"I have no pants!"

"I wish I could help you, Bolding.  But I've got a mile walk to my boat and I better start walking.  I don't feel like answering any questions about this whole thing."

"Where are you going to go?"  I asked.

"I don't know yet."

"I assume I'm no longer employed by you," I said.

"That would be a correct assumption," said Burns.

"I don't suppose I could use you as a reference on my resume."

"I'll mail you a nice severance check.  I'll take care of you.  Don't worry about that.  You're a sharp guy and I'm glad I got to know you.  If it weren’t for you, I never would have had a week like this.  It was fun.  Maybe we can do it again some time."

"Yeah, right.  I've gotta go, Mr. Burns.  Thanks for the opportunity."  We shook hands and I ran pantless to find a phone.  A jogger and a person walking her dog saw me but they must have mistaken my boxers for shorts because they didn't give me a second look.  I didn't care anyway, as long as I wasn't arrested.  I finally got to the phone and I called my parent's house collect.  My little brother answered and pretended he wasn't sure whether to accept the charges or not.

"I don't have time to explain.  You've got to come pick me up in Riverside!" I yelled.

"Riverside?"

"Yes!  By the Hudson River.  You go by the college and then..."

"Where they used to have the fireworks?"

"Yes!  Come pick me up!  I have to get to the church by 8:00!  Oh, and I need a pair of pants!"

"Pants?"

"Yes!  Pants!"

"What the hell do you need pants for?"

"Just bring them!  And hurry!"

It seemed like an eternity before I saw the car.   I ran out in front of the car with no pants on and of course it was not my brother.  "Get out off the road, you freak!"  Yelled the driver after he screeched to a stop and leaned on his horn for a few seconds.

I didn't respond.  How could I?  I just ran into the shadows.  The next car I thought was my brother's I let pass so I could look at the Providence College stickers on the back.  After verifying it was indeed my brother, I again dashed out to stop him.

"What the hell happened to you?"  He asked.

"It's a long story.  Just get me to the church by 8:00."

"That's a pretty tall order," he said.

"I'll make it worth your while," I said.  "Did you bring the pants?"

"Yeah, they're on the back seat."

"What the hell pants are these?"

"They're the only ones I could find."

"Where'd you look?"

"In Dad's dresser."

"They're bellbottoms for God's sake!  The people at the church are going to think I'm a lunatic!"

"I'm sorry.  You told me to get pants, I got pants.  You're too fat for my stuff and you don't keep anything at our house."

"I'm glad I didn't ask you for shoes."  I put the pants on.  "Couldn't you find Dad's matching vest?  And what color are these anyway?"

"You don't want to know."

I was terrified as my brother drove.  It was like a demon had commandeered the vehicle.  At precisely 8:00, we screeched to a stop in front of the church.  People heading into the church stopped and turned to look at us as I jumped out of the car and my brother peeled away from the curb.  "What movie are you filming out there?"  One smartass asked me as I ran past him up the stairs with my bellbottoms fluttering.  I ran down the hall to the parish rectory until I saw Katie standing outside a door.  She just stared at me as she took in my outfit.

"I made it," I said.

"What no purple scarf?"  She asked.

"Yeah, like I wanted to debut my new bellbottoms at our first pre-cana meeting."

"I'm sure you have some ridiculous story to explain this."

"Of course I do.  Should I share it with the entire group?"

"Please don't," Katie said as we entered the room.  I tried to ignore the snickers as we walked to the only remaining empty seats that were, of course, all the way in the front.  I walked with as much dignity as I could muster.

The deacon gave me the once over before beginning the meeting.  "Welcome to pre cana.  I'm Deacon Smith.  To begin, let's start at the front of the room.  Just stand up, say your names and what you do.  Okay?"

Katie and I stood.  "I'm Katie Tillis and this is Joseph Bolding.  I'm an accountant," said Katie.

"I'm currently unemployed," I said.

I could hear someone in the back of the room say, "No kidding."