The Scientist and the Supermodel

Tara Lain

www.loose-id.com

The Scientist and the Supermodel

Copyright © May 2011 by Tara Lain

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eISBN 978-1-61118-416-7

Editor: Heather Hollis

Cover Artist: Valerie Tibbs

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Dedication

To my Honey, the hero of my life, who not only supports me in all I do but will even sit and work out plots with me by the hour. I love you, dear. Every day with you is my happily ever after.

Chapter One

“Jakey, I don’t think you like girls.”

WTF! Jake practically jumped out of the hotel bed. He stared at the cute blonde snuggled next to him and tried to appear cool. “What are you talking about? Didn’t we just have sex? What the fuck…?”

“Come on, baby. I’m joking. But you just seem so distracted, like you’re a million miles away.” She kissed his bare shoulder. “It’s your work, I bet. You’ve got so much responsibility with Dr. Silvay and all. I just think you love science more than you love sex.”

Okay. Well, she was kind of right. Not the science so much as the scientist. “Yeah, sorry. I just have a lot to do to get ready for my boss’s big presentation tomorrow. I hope I didn’t shortchange you.”

“Hell, no, Jakey. You’ve got a great cock, you know?”

What did you say to that kind of compliment? “Thanks.” Her name was Josie, and she was actually a sweet girl, and bright too. Probably just trying to cope with a lonely life. That sounded familiar.

She pulled off his wire rims and cleaned them on the sheet. “Jeez, I love these things.” She’d insisted he keep them on during sex. “They make you look like Clark Kent or something. Of course, Superman wasn’t blond.”

Ah, yes, fantasyland. Maybe that was why she’d approached him after the conference dinner and suggested this hookup. She had a Superman fetish. Hell, he should talk. Who was he imagining her to be? One world-renowned, maybe Nobel-Prize-winning, Diane Lane lookalike, sexy-as-hell, genetic scientist boss lady. That’s who.

She carefully repositioned his glasses, then gave him a huge smile. “Hey, want me to get you going so we can do it again?” She raised the sheet and started to scurry down toward her goal.

Oh hell, no. He pulled her back up and kissed her forehead. “Sorry, but like you said, that conference is really weighing on my mind. I better get back to my room.” He scooted to the side of the bed, pulled his watch off the nightstand, and made a grab for his pants on the carpeted floor.

“Oh, do you have to go?” She caressed his bare back. “I could get you up for your early conference. Way up.” She giggled. Not his favorite characteristic in a woman. Em seldom giggled.

He got his pants on. Where the hell were the socks? He found them draped over the chair arm. “Thanks, it’s tempting.” Crap, he shouldn’t be lying to her. “I gotta go. Sorry.”

She pouted prettily while he shrugged into his white shirt and suit jacket that still sported the conference ID badge from the International Symposium on Genetic Medicine. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Really am sorry.” Yeah. That was the truth. He was sorry he was a wuss. He was really sorry he hadn’t just kept it in his pants.

She rose to her knees, stark naked, pretty breasts bobbing. “What about a rain check?”

Okay, more truth required. He sat on the edge of the bed. “Josie, to tell you the truth, I’m kind of having a tough time right now…with some decisions, you know. That and my work are really fucking me up.” He grinned. “Or I guess you could say not making me very good at fucking.” She giggled. “You’re very attractive and really nice, and I’m sure we’ll see each other again sometime, and maybe I’ll be in a better place.” Okay, that was as close as he was getting to telling her he was having some kind of fucking crisis—yeah, fucking crisis was exactly what it was.

She cocked her head. “That’s a nice take on the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.” She brightened. “But I still enjoyed our evening, so I count it a gain.”

Yeah. She really was nice. He needed to use the john, but he wanted to leave more. He kissed her nose and walked to the door. “Bye. See you at the conference.”

“Bye, sexy.” She waved, and he took one last glance at her great bare tits before escaping out the door.

Outside, he flattened himself against the wall for a minute. He took a deep breath. Jesus, what was wrong with him? She was a great girl, but even those fantastic tits hadn’t gotten a wiggle out of him. He’d managed to get hard earlier, but only after she’d sucked him like a Hoover and he’d done some seriously heavy fantasizing.

He didn’t come. He’d just deflated after she came, so she thought he’d finished, and he’d tossed the condom quickly so she didn’t see. Shit. He just hadn’t been the same since—okay, he wasn’t going there. But whoever heard of a guy faking it?

Pushing himself away from the door, he headed for the elevator and pressed the Down button five times. When it responded, he jumped in and hit Close. The bar. That was what he needed. That dark little hideaway at the back of the hotel where he could be anonymous and lick his wounds. Okay, admittedly, a sucked cock did not qualify as an injury.

When the car reached “G,” he slipped across the palatial lobby, not looking at anyone and hoping he’d escape notice. As the newish research partner of the famous Dr. Emmaline Silvay, he wasn’t well known at this conference, which suited him fine. He needed a drink.

Contrary to what he’d told Josie, he’d finished Em’s PowerPoint presentation earlier that day and only had to show up the next morning to make his boss happy. That was the problem. He could think of a lot of ways he’d like to make Em happy that had nothing to do with presentations on genetic sequencing. Unlike Josie, his boss gave him a hard-on and a half, and sometimes, when she looked at him, he thought he saw lust in her eyes. Shit. It was probably just wishful thinking.

The sad fact was he didn’t want to rock the boat by coming on to her. She’d promoted him from her assistant to her coresearcher. Talk about a coup. The presentation she’d deliver tomorrow morning had his name on it too—Jacob Martin, PhD—which made him, at twenty-five, one of the youngest researchers at the conference. But she was thirty-six and so accomplished that her name was mentioned for a Nobel Prize. What the fuck would she need with a puppy like him? Plus, the way he’d been going, maybe he wouldn’t even get off with her.

The bar suited his mood. Dark, a little musty, it looked like the renovations throughout the old Los Angeles hotel hadn’t made it this far yet. Candles glowed on the few tables at the back and on the massive horseshoe-shaped bar that dominated the room. He climbed onto a barstool away from the door. From their badges, it looked like a few conference attendees had found the place, but he didn’t recognize anyone. Perfect.

“What can I get you?”

The buxom, California-blonde bartender smiled and looked like she might be offering more than a drink. No fucking thank you.

“A dirty martini, two olives.” He barely knew what that was, but he’d heard a friend order one and liked the sound of it. Just the way he felt.

Lack of performance. At twenty-five. Not exactly every young man’s complaint. In college, he’d been a serious cocksman, banging half the girls he met. He wasn’t exactly proud of that, but it was the truth. The last couple years, though, except for his dreams of Em, he just didn’t have the enthusiasm. Since his PhD. Since Tom.

The bartender placed the drink carefully in front of him, displaying a rack to make a centerfold weep. He grabbed the martini and took a swallow—

Jeeeezuz!

The bartender grinned as his eyes teared. She inconspicuously placed a glass of water in front of him and walked away. He’d definitely failed the finals in macho tonight. Another mouthful, and he let it slip down his throat this time. Was this supposed to be good? Bitter, burning. He’d think of it as penance.

Thinking. There was the rub. Tonight wasn’t the first—or even fifth—time he’d been half-cocked with a girl. Maybe it was the studying, writing his dissertation. He knew doctors said that stress could affect a guy’s…ability, interest. He’d gone for months without a girl while finishing the doctorate. No problem. But, of course, there’d been Tom. Tom had cared for him. He could admit it now, even though he’d tried to ignore it then. And Jake—shit. He’d been a shit.

The next big swallow of the martini went down real smooth.

“Want another one?”

He startled at her voice. “Sure.” ’Cause he felt very, very dirty.

A nice buzz set in. Not much of a drinker. He adjusted his wire rims. Man, he’d never feel the same way about them after tonight. Clark Kent, huh? He liked that.

He looked across the bar through a comfortable little haze. There were a couple of conference nerds, possibly an LA hooker trying to persuade them to view her etchings, some other random business types, and—

Who did that guy think he was, Brad Pitt? A baseball cap and sunglasses in this black hole. How could he see his drink? Jesus, was he drinking champagne? Alone?

The bartender was Johnny-on-the-spot with the next martini, and Jake took another mouthful. Oh yeah, just like silk. He hoped there was a lot of nutrition in an olive, because this sure as fuck was dinner.

He looked up again at the guy across the bar. At least he thought it was a guy. He could see longish hair sticking out from under the cap. And the mouth… From what he could see, those lips would make Angelina Jolie jealous. Maybe a girl?

As he took another swallow, he saw the guy/girl’s hand reach out for its flute of bubbly and miss. Only a quick grab saved the glass from tumbling over. Jake could almost feel how pissed the person was. The cap was ripped off by an impatient hand, letting a mane of shining, black, chin-length hair fall free. The creature looked around like it was searching for predators, then pulled off the huge black sunglasses.

Holy fucking Christ.

Gorgeous. He knew this was LA, the land of the genetic celebrities, but this was ridiculous.

Okay, Jake, you’re staring. He looked down into his martini and took another slug. But he had to look again.

Peeking up over the edge of his glasses, he watched the guy—it was a guy, he was pretty sure now—take a deep breath, like he was really relieved not to be flailing around in the dark. Cheekbones. That was what you saw first on that face. Architectural masterpieces with perfect hollows beneath. Shit, the guy was looking! Jake looked away fast but was pretty sure the guy had seen him staring. Now that was embarrassing, but he couldn’t quite believe what he’d just seen.

He took off his glasses, wiped them on a napkin to kill time, and then put them back on. He sneaked a peek back to find the guy looking down at his champagne, so Jake just stared. The guy was the most beautiful man—person…creature—he could ever remember seeing. Yeah, it was definitely a guy, even though the face was like some kind of idealized being, half female, half male. Large eyes rimmed with heavy lashes and the Angelina lips were offset by a clean, very male jaw and strong, arched brows. His hair looked black, although the candles on the bar picked up a little touch of red, and it was cut in a lazy European style that swept hair onto his forehead and shagged it around his face. As Jake watched, the man pushed his fingers into that hair, pulling it back off his luminous face for a moment, and then released it to fall again in idle perfection. The guy was young, probably younger than Jake.

There was just one problem. If this was a guy, why did Jake suddenly have less room in his suit pants?

Roan stared hard at his glass. Had the guy quit looking? Oh God, he hoped—not. He pushed his hair off his face, a habit he’d nearly broken except when he was nervous. The guy was beautiful. Not that Roan didn’t see the most beautiful people in the world every day, but the glimpse he had of this man made his palms sweat. He looked—smart. The wire rims probably helped with that. God, Roan loved smart men. Of course, the gorgeous cheekbones and shaggy golden hair didn’t hurt. This guy was half geek, half demigod.

Okay, Black, he told himself, take a deep breath. The guy also looked as straight as Dior’s hemlines, and the fact that he was staring at Roan didn’t mean shit—everyone stared at Roan. He should just put his hat back on and try to sneak up to his suite. Yeah, fat chance. The paparazzi would be camped outside, and he hated having to bother the hotel security staff to get him to his door. Made him feel like some prima donna. He was probably safe here because the reporters never expected to see him in a bar. His half-finished split of Piper made it obvious why.

He looked across the bar and quickly back at his drink. The guy was staring again. Man, he would really like to know what made this guy tick. It’d been awhile since anybody got Roan this hot and bothered so quickly. Especially some straight professor type. That kind of guy didn’t usually go for Roan, figuring he must be dumb.

He couldn’t just walk over. The guy was wearing a conference badge, and there might be people who knew him in the bar. Having someone as ostentatious as Roan make an obvious play for him could be embarrassing—to both of them. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dumped some bills on the bar.

The beautiful guy was leaving. Funny, Jake felt his stomach clench in disappointment. Well, he figured that was normal. You didn’t get to see something that beautiful every day, no matter what sex it was.

“Want another one?”

Jake looked up at the bartender. She looked a little fuzzy. Not a good omen for his sobriety. Yeah, she was definitely flirting. He gave her a big smile. “Sure.” No, wait, how many have I had? Oh, what the fuck, he didn’t care. He looked around at the now much less interesting group of people, and when he looked back, there was a new drink in front of him. Jeez, that was quick. He took a deep swallow. Maybe it would help him sleep. Sleep, by himself—without Em, without anyone. He wiped a hand across his face. What was wrong with him?

“Is this seat taken?”

He didn’t even have to look. That beautiful, low, silky voice had to go with that beautiful silky skin and hair and lips. Damn, give it up, Jake! He turned on his stool, a little wobbly, to find the man who had been across the bar a couple minutes ago now standing beside him. He glanced across the expanse for a moment in muzzy-headed confusion.

The brunet chuckled. “I walked out the back door and came around the bar.”

“Thought you’d left.” Was he slurring his words?

Dimples flashed. “Glad you noticed.”

And amazingly, Jake saw that in the midst of all that perfection, the guy had one tooth that crossed the other in front. It was a charming little joke. Somehow it made him more perfect. “You don’t seriously think that any human on the planet wouldn’t notice, do you?” He peered up into that face. Way up. Over six feet up. Green. Jesus, his eyes were green. “You are fucking beautiful.”

The man looked a little uncomfortable, but he smiled. “Glad you think so. Can I buy you a drink?”

Jake shook his head slowly. It made him dizzy. “I’m rapidly realizing that the one thing I need the least is another drink.”

“Can I sit down?”

Jake gestured expansively. Yeah, he was drunk. “It’s a free bar, or at least damned reasonable.”

The guy winced and then shrugged. “Sorry, I won’t bother you.” He turned to go, and like it had a mind of its own, Jake’s hand shot out and grabbed the guy’s arm. Through the soft material of the long-sleeve T-shirt, Jake could feel hard, lean muscle, just like the powerful strength evident in those long denim-covered legs. The denim lovingly cupped a bulge so impressive it almost made Jake gasp. Shit, when did he start noticing some guy’s package except maybe for comparison purposes? Composing himself was a losing battle, but he tried.

The beautiful man was standing stock-still, just staring at where Jake gripped his biceps. Jake let him go like his T-shirt was on fire. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to be rude. I just don’t drink very well.”

Very slowly, the handsome stranger placed a hand carefully on Jake’s forearm. Even through his shirt and suit coat, he could feel heat. Then the guy looked straight into Jake’s eyes.

“Would you like to go somewhere else?”

The heat flashed to Jake’s face and groin simultaneously. “Uh, where? Look, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m not gay or anything.”

The man smiled slightly. “Well, I am, more or less, but I’d be very happy to just talk to you, find out why you look so smart and what you’re doing at a”—he read the badge—“Genetic Medicine Symposium.”

Jake knew he should say no. This guy clearly fell into the category of advanced human relations, and Jake barely had his learner’s permit. But there was no way the refusal would come out of his mouth. “Uh, okay. Where?”

The guy looked around. “Chances are, all the public spaces are full of people who know either you or me. My room is being watched. What about yours?”

Watched? “Yeah, okay. I’ve got some chairs and a couch and stuff. Room 725.”

“It’s probably best I meet you up there. Is that okay?”

“Uh, okay, yeah.”

The black-haired beauty fished a wad of bills from his pocket and threw them on the bar where Jake was sitting. Even with a generous tip, it was way too much. Jake started to object when the man put up two fingers. “By the way, I get the feeling you don’t know my name is Roan Black.”

“No. I’m Jake. Jake Martin.”

“See you in room 725, Jake.” And he walked away, slipping the sunglasses and cap back in place.

Chapter Two

Okay, he was definitely drunk. And he was even more definitely in huge trouble. What had he done, giving some strange guy his room number? What had he implied by agreeing to invite him in? Jake lurched around his room, grabbing miscellaneous clothes and stuffing them in his suitcase. Maybe if he left his glasses off, the disorder in the room would look better. Drinks? What was in the minibar? Okay, quit it, Jake; this is not a date. What had the guy said? He was gay, more or less. What the fuck did that mean? Shit, shit, shit!

There was a soft rap on the door. Jake froze. He wanted to jump out the window. He wanted to run to the door and rip it open. He settled for a slow walk. Using the door to take some of his weight, he opened it a crack.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re gay, more or less?”

Outside the door, the guy, the beautiful guy, burst out laughing. “Can I come in, or should we say you’re too drunk to receive visitors and give it up?”

“Yeah, well.” He opened the door with what he hoped was a swagger. “You can come in, but you gotta answer my question.”

“Okay.” The man walked past him into the room. Jake thought the word “man,” but this guy was probably a year or more younger than Jake, making him early twenties. Jake sensed a combination of experience and insecurity in that beautiful package, but he wasn’t thinking straight enough to know what to make of it.

The guy gave him a sideways glance. He was nearly as tall as Jake’s six feet two. “May I sit down?”

“Sure.” Jake waved him toward the couch, and the guy—had he really said Roan?—walked over and sat. Everything was graceful. Not girl graceful. More like cat graceful, panther graceful. “What kind of name is Roan, anyway?”

Again he got the sideways glance. “Which question shall I answer first?”

“Whatever.” Jake flopped into a chair, legs hanging over the arm. “Sorry, I don’t mean to give you the first degree. It’s the—”

“The alcohol, I know.” The guy grinned. “My name is Roan. Originally, it was Robert Andrew. I needed a cooler name, so I took the first letters of each and created Roan.”

“Why did you need a cooler name? Robert Andrew’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, well, in my business, names need to be distinctive.”

“What business?”

“I’m a model.” His eyes softened. “Don’t you like my name?”

Jake looked down at his hands. “Yeah, I like your name.” As well as most everything else about you I can see.

Roan’s voice was soft, almost a whisper. “I said I was gay more or less because I occasionally take a fancy to certain women. But basically I prefer men.”

Jake whispered back. “You do?”

“Yeah.”

Jake couldn’t look at him. He leaped to his feet. “Let’s see what’s in the mini.” He tore open the little fridge. “Lots of whiskey.”

“Don’t like it.”

“Some wine.”

“Probably crappy.”

“Beer? Coke?”

“Too fattening.”

Jake looked over his shoulder. “You didn’t seriously just say that, did you?”

The beautiful green eyes gave him a sheepish look. “Girlie, huh?”

“Just a little.”

“Well, see, my stomach has to be really flat when I do swimsuit, and that’s what we’re shooting this week.” He lifted his T-shirt to reveal the flattest, most hard-body set of cobbled abs Jake had ever seen in real life. Of course, this guy wasn’t real life.

Jake gave voice to the thought. “You’re unreal.”

Roan shrugged. “You’re not the first one to say so.”

“Want some mineral water?”

“That’d be great.”

Jake opened two bottles. “So what did you want to talk about?”

Roan reached out for his bottle and took a swig. “Tell me what you do.”

“I’m a genetic researcher.”

“Your name tag said Dr. Jake Martin.”

“I’m a PhD, not a doctor of medicine or anything.”

“Sounds pretty fucking impressive to me.”

“It’s great, actually. We investigate new patterns of gene sequencing to help detect certain diseases. Mostly cancer.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I work with one of the world’s greatest geneticists. She made me her partner.” Jake puffed his chest just a little, then realized his choice of words. “Her research partner, I mean.”

The green eyes crinkled. “And you’re sure you’re not gay?”

Startled from his still-fuzzy reverie, Jake almost fell out of the chair. “Why, do I look gay? Did you think I was gay? What the fuck?”

Roan extended a hand. “Easy boy, it wasn’t an insult. Consider the source. And no, I assumed when I first saw you that you were straight as a die. Besides, I was only teasing. Tell me more about your work.”

“Don’t want to.” Jeez, was he pouting like a little girl? Must be, because Roan sounded like he was soothing a naughty child.

“So what do you want to tell me about?”

“Nothing. Tell me about you.”

“Okay.” He sipped his mineral water. “I’m a small-town boy from Iowa.”

Jake leaned forward. “You’re shitting me.”

“Nary a shit. Both of my parents are God-fearing, bible-beating people—not-very-successful farmers.”

“Do they look like you?”

“Yeah, everyone asks that.”

“Sorry to be predictable.”

Roan shrugged. “No problem. Well, they’re reasonably attractive, although they work at not showing it—undue temptation and all that shit. But in answer to the question so many have asked, there’s no real explanation for me. As a child, the preacher used to say my appearance was a gift from God. Didn’t take too many years before he started calling it the devil’s work.” He chuckled. “Then an agent saw me, and the rest is, as they say, fashion history.”

“I’m pretty out of the loop, fashionwise.” The guy grinned, and Jake looked down at his conservative gray suit pants he’d spent a month’s salary on so he wouldn’t embarrass Em at the conference. Maybe not so cool? He looked at the model.

“No, you’re great. Just pretty Brooks Brothers, you feel me?”

“Yeah. It’s my business.” He shrugged. “So what do you model?”

“Everything. I do the major designers’ collections on the runway and a lot of photography. I have a men’s fragrance account that’s pretty fun. But mostly I do editorial. That’s high fashion to you. Vogue stuff.”

“Jeez. That’s Greek to me.”

“I’m sure I’d last about two seconds in a discussion of your work.”

“Yeah, well…so, when did you know you were gay?” Shit, where had that question come from?

“Pretty far back. But being gay was a tough row to hoe in my town, so I never came out. I used to date girls. My strategy was to get good at eating pussy.”

Jake sat forward a little. “Now you’re really shitting me.”

“Nope. Gay scout’s honor. So few guys liked it or were willing to do it that I became a minilegend. I have this big cock that kind of scared the girls off from fucking me, and as long as I could eat them out, they were happy. So I got this big reputation as a lover. Then I’d sneak off to town and go to the back rooms of gay bars where it was dark and the men could barely see me and—you know, get off.”

“So what does that mean, for a guy with another guy, I mean?”

“Sure you want to know?”

Jake shrugged. Did he? Why couldn’t he stop asking these fucking questions?

“Well, I’m a bottom by preference. You know what that means?”

“Not exactly.” Jake’s head was spinning.

“It means I’m the one receiving. I like to get fucked in the ass, Jake.”

Pictures of a teenage Roan bent over, being fucked in the ass, filled Jake’s head. That shouldn’t be sexy, should it? Crap. He didn’t want to ask. He didn’t… “What about the, you know, other thing?”

“Other thing?”

“That guys do, you know.” Jake looked away and pretended he had not just said that. His mouth was out of control.

“You mean suck cock?”

Now he stared at his hands. Cool, Martin. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I like to both give and receive.”

“Oh. It’s not like a bottom thing?”

Roan chuckled. Great, he thought it was funny. “No. Equal opportunity activity.”

That shut him up.

Roan sat back. “Okay, enough about me. Your turn.”

“What do you want to hear? Where I like to stick my cock?” Jake threw himself against the chair back.

Roan grinned. “If you want to. I told you some pretty personal stuff. So tell me something about you nobody else knows.”

Jake turned his head and spoke into the chair cushion. “I guess I could tell you about Tom.” What the fuck did I just say? That straightened him up in a hurry.

“Who’s Tom?”

“Nobody. Don’t know why I said that. Must be drunk.” He hauled himself from the chair and paced to the minibar for another bottle.

“Sounds like Tom is someone you want me to know about.”

Shaking his head, Jake sat on the edge of the bed with his water bottle then realized where he was and jumped up. “Naw. He’s just somebody I think about sometimes.”

“And why did you think of him now?”

Jake cleared his throat. “He was gay. Or is gay. I haven’t seen him for a while.”

“And he was your friend?”

Sitting back in the chair, Jake stared at his hands. “Yeah. He was so damn good to me, and I think I took bad advantage of him. I used him like he was nothing, like he wasn’t a kind and good guy who really cared about me.” He jumped up again. “Oh shit, why am I talking about this?”

Roan stood and took Jake’s hand and led him to the couch to sit beside him. “Because I’m a stranger, and I’m gay, and you can’t talk to Tom to say you’re sorry, right?”

Jake let himself be guided onto the couch. “Yeah, I lost track of him. No idea where he is. But I hope he’s happy, ’cause he deserves it.” Jake was shocked to feel tears prickle behind his eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m still drunk.”

Roan leaned back so he was just a deep, soft voice behind Jake. “Want to tell me about Tom?”

Jake put his face in his hands for a minute. “He sucked my cock.”

There was a beat of time before Roan said, “Why’d he do that?”

Jake looked up sheepishly. “To relax me?”

A soft chuckle. “Now that’s a great line I’m gonna have to try.”

“No, seriously, I was trying to get my dissertation done, and I was freaking out, running out of time, trying to prepare for the orals. I never had time to date, so I wasn’t having any sex. I guess I was moaning about it one day, and Tom was there. He’d been my friend since undergraduate school. I knew he was gay, he knew I was straight, and we just got along. Basically, he offered to suck my cock. Said it would get me off better than my own hand. I was shocked, but he was so cool about it. Said I should try it before I condemned it.”

“So did you?”

“Not right then. But the days passed, and I got more tired and hornier, and I was wearing the skin off my hand. One day I said yes. Tom said I should just close my eyes and pretend it was the head cheerleader sucking me.”

“Another line I’ve got to remember.”

“He undid my pants, and I broke out in a cold sweat. But then he started to suck me. Shit, I gotta admit, it took me about ten seconds to not care that he was a guy. Jeez, could he suck cock. I’ve never had a girl before or since who was so good.”

“For girls it’s a frill; for us it’s a main event. It pays to get good at it. So that’s why you wanted to know about cock sucking?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Anyway, so what’s the problem? You enjoyed it; I’m sure he enjoyed it. Nobody got hurt.”

“That time.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I got so fucking relaxed, I started relying on Tom to get me off. He was always happy to do it. He even made special trips over late at night to help get me to sleep.” Jake pushed his hands into his hair. “I was so fucking self-absorbed, I never stopped to realize that the guy cared about me, maybe even loved me…so he wouldn’t say no to me. Here I was, using this guy that I called my friend”—a soft sigh escaped Jake’s throat—“like he was some kind of whore. And I never said I was sorry.” He swiped at his eyes. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m sitting here spilling my guts like some barroom drunk.”

Then Jake felt strong hands on his shoulders, breath on the back of his neck. He shivered as Roan’s soft voiced murmured, “Don’t think like that. Yeah, Tom probably did love you… That would be easy to do. But chances are, he loved sucking your cock. To have that kind of intimacy with someone you care about is a sweet thing, even if the one you love doesn’t share your feelings. Wrapping his tongue around that big, beautiful prick would be like heaven…to Tom.” Soft lips caressed Jake’s neck.

Head spinning, Jake said the dumbest thing imaginable. “How do you know it’s big?”

His hand pressed down on the bulging erection in Jake’s lap.

“I can see it, love.”

Oh shit, where did that thing come from? But that hand felt so good. Fingers wrapped around the bulge, surrounding his throbbing cock in the material of his suit. He wanted it out so badly. He wanted to feel that hand on his bare skin.

Roan’s lips touched his ear. “I said I’d be happy just to talk, Jake, and I will be if you tell me to stop. But your cock seems happy to see me, and I think you could use some serious relaxing.”

Jake shook his head but not enough to push Roan’s lips away. “No. I’m not gay.”

“I never said you were, love. But you liked Tom’s mouth. Maybe I won’t be as good as he was, but then again”—he hummed against Jake’s neck—“maybe I’ll be better.”

“Oh God, you feel so damned good.”

“So do you, love. Just pretend you’re real drunk, and lie back and let me make you happy.”

Roan pushed Jake back on the sofa cushions and had his belt undone, fly down, and briefs and trousers at his knees before the man could even gather the wind to protest. Oh yeah, he’d been right about the big and beautiful. Jake’s cock was really long, almost as long as Roan’s, but not as thick. It had lovely veins and a sleek, flaring pink cap that was wet and glistening with precum. Roan licked his lips. No slow buildup tonight, sports fans, or the sweet straight boy might change his mind.

With one move, he grasped that beautiful cock and licked it up one side and down the other, then circled the head with a flat, wet tongue. Jake almost elevated off the couch. “Oh shiiiiit.”

Roan got serious. Slipping Jake’s cock past lips and teeth, he let it slide deep into his throat, then tightened his lips and sucked hard as he pulled out all the way to the tip, back down, and then another sucking exit. Finally, he wrapped two hands around the base and began to suck that big shiny rod in and out of his mouth like his own private licorice stick. Jake was shaking and moaning, but there wasn’t a protest to be heard. Yeah, the boy sure liked his cock sucked.

And, wow, did Roan love doing it. Jake filled him, mouth and soul, with heat. Feeling the young scientist thrust into his mouth sent fire straight to his balls. He knew how Tom must have felt—destined for heartache at the hands of a guy who would let you suck him off repeatedly and only think later that you might love him. But how could you say no? This boy was special—and he tasted good too.

Jake’s hips were bucking wildly. “Shit, Roan, God, don’t stop, please don’t stop.” Roan knew just what he meant.

Then the gasps began. “Fuck, Roan, pull away, I’m gonna come. Oh yeah, please, I’m gonna—” And with a breaking cry, Jake thrust as far into Roan’s mouth as he could get, and Roan felt hot, wet cum sear the back of his throat. Hot throat, warm heart.

Roan felt Jake’s body trembling and glanced up. Jesus, were there tears on his face? His blowjobs weren’t usually a cause for weeping. But he got it. Somehow this had been more than a quickie for him too. This guy was special.

He pressed his cheek against the scientist’s thigh and felt the man pull his leg away. Damn, he had a bad feeling about this. He felt hands pushing against his head, and he sat up. Jake was clearly trying to do several things at once. Put distance between them, adjust his clothes, and wipe tears from his face. Yes, this was a fucking bad sign. “Am I too heavy?”

“No…yeah. I don’t know. I just think I have to sleep now…have to be alone.”

Roan sighed. It wasn’t like this was the first time some guy had accepted a blowjob and then pushed him away. It was his damn fucking face. Guys got mesmerized and just forgot they were straight—until they came harder than they ever had and then freaked. He had hoped this guy was different. Shit. “Yeah, I can see I am too heavy. Don’t panic, straight boy; I’ll be out of here in a minute.”

For an instant, the blond looked remorseful, or so it seemed to Roan. But then he kind of shook himself. “Yeah, it’s best if you go.”

Roan stood and walked to the door. It felt like a long fucking way. He glanced back and saw Jake trying to cover his naked cock, which was lying in sated satisfaction on his thigh. Asshole.

Roan smiled tiredly. “Good luck with your science, Doc. And don’t worry about Tom. He got his money’s worth.”

And then he left.

Chapter Three

“Congratulations on your research, Dr. Martin. Excellent, excellent. Imagine isolating the exact genes that can determine the appropriate cancer treatment. Such great potential.”

Jake tried to smile. “Thank you, Dr. Gelkan. Working with Dr. Silvay makes it easy to do great research.”

“I’m sure, my boy, I’m sure.”

Jake extricated himself from a circle of well-wishers and walked over to the side table to grab a bottle of water. He wasn’t thirsty, but he wanted a second’s break. Longest damned morning of his life. The presentation, the one that had his name on it along with Em’s, was a huge success, and all he could do was fight back thoughts of that green-eyed creature and the most intense orgasm he’d had in—maybe ever. Shit, he so didn’t want to think about that. He tossed the water bottle and headed toward Em, who was gathering her materials while talking with her own group of admirers. How could such a great day be so crappy?

He got up to the platform and edged Em aside so he could take over the packing of the computer while she continued her conversation. She gave him a grateful smile and moved off. There she was—scientist, boss, and the object of his longtime obsession. He’d told her once she reminded him of Diane Lane, and it was an apt description, except for the auburn hair. Classy and sexy with a calm, understated beauty. She also happened to be smart as hell. Maybe she really had spoiled him for other women. Maybe that was why he couldn’t get it up for anyone appropriate and could only get turned on by a guy. Okay, enough.

Em broke in on his unwelcome reverie and gave him a one-armed hug. “Thank you, Jake.”

“For what? You did all the heavy lifting this morning.”

“Yes, emphasize ‘this morning.’” She gestured around the still-crowded auditorium. “This whole thing would never have happened if you hadn’t decided to turn our research into a presentation that a human could understand.”

Jake patted her head, easy from his six-two to her five-six. “Yep, she can unravel the most complex gene sequence, but PowerPoint baffles her.”

“That, my dear, is totally…true. But it’s way more than your laptop skills I’m talking about, Jake. You took a bunch of raw data and turned it into the salvation of the human race. I was blushing for most of the presentation.”

He grinned. “Yeah, but I’ll bet it gets us some more grant money.”

“You tricky devil. I’ll bet it does.” She looked at him more closely. “Hey, are you okay? You look beat.”

He shrugged. “I’m okay.”

“Jesus, I work you way too hard!”

That made him laugh. “Yeah, I know, you always tell me that right before you give me another huge project.”

She smacked her own arm. “Bad boss. Bad boss.” Then she gave him a tender smile. “Seriously, sweetheart, there’s nothing going on here for a while except that luncheon. Now that event will be an opportunity for people to tell you how brilliant you are and to congratulate me on being smart enough to hire you, but aside from that, it’ll all be stuff you’ve heard. Why don’t you take off and have a nap or take a walk or eat a meal. Hell, have sex. Do something my outrageous schedule never gives you time for.”

Jake cringed at her random choice of activities, but he had to admit he didn’t feel like smiling and glad-handing for several hours. “Thanks, I wouldn’t mind a break. But if you need me, I’ve got my cell handy, and I’ll be there for the evening sessions.”

“I count on it, sweetheart.” She gave him a light swat on the behind, which he enjoyed way too much. “Now git.”

Fielding a few handshakes, he exited the auditorium with the computer and handout materials and hurried to his room to stash the equipment. The maid hadn’t been to the room yet, and Jake was confronted with the tangled, rumpled evidence of his lack of sleep, plus, maybe just his imagination, the lingering smell of sex. God, what had last night been about? Barely able to get it up for the girl and then coming like Mt. Vesuvius for the man—the boy, that beautiful boy. He knew he was going to have to think about it soon, but he just wasn’t ready yet.

Sunshine, air, maybe some water, that was what he needed. Hell, this was LA. Even in January, they had all of that to spare. He changed to his jeans and a T-shirt, switched the wire rims for some sunglasses, grabbed his board shorts in case the pool was enticing, and headed down to the sports deck.

Once outside, he was surprised to discover it was a bit cooler than the sunshine advertised. Even a New Yorker like him could get a goose bump out here. Maybe no swimming. A few stalwarts were sunning by the pool, and he noticed a good-size crowd gathered over at the far end of the pool deck that looked down on city traffic below. Curious, he wandered over toward the group.

As he got closer, he noticed large light poles, wires running across the concrete and grass, and a lot of sloppy but official-looking people walking around with clipboards and iPhones. Fun. Maybe a movie was shooting? He insinuated himself through the onlookers until he could catch a glimpse of the action on a patch of grass under a bunch of palm trees at the end of the pool. A couple of women, very tall and very thin, were being made up by much shorter, fatter people. The women—models? actresses?—were wearing what looked like pretty skimpy bathing suits but at the moment were clutching towels around their shoulders against the chill. Beside them, a group of people huddled in a circle. They seemed in intense conference about something, and Jake wondered what the excitement was about.

After a couple minutes, when it seemed nothing was really going to happen, Jake started to leave, but as if on cue, the cluster of people in the center parted like the Red Sea, and Jake’s heart tripped. Walking out of the group and heading for the diving board, dressed only in a pair of slim board shorts, was Roan.

OMG.

Roan walked out to the end of the board looking very self-contained and unaware of the gawkers standing around. Jake realized gawkers must be the definition of Roan’s life. The makeup people had made little attempt to tan him, even though it was obviously a summer swimwear photograph. That alabaster skin gleamed in the sunlight in almost shocking contrast against the thick black hair that blew around his face in the LA breeze. The sun brought out the red highlights like fire in a midnight sky.

Jake slipped behind another spectator so the model wouldn’t see him, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. This was bad for him, like an alcoholic saying he’d only take one more drink, but looking away from Roan was just beyond human strength. Jake noticed that the crowd had become very hushed, as if watching something profound and sacred, and maybe that kind of beauty was just that special.

The model stood shading his eyes while the two thin women took positions on the pool deck. Though they both still clutched towels, trying to keep warm, Roan looked as though the cool wind couldn’t touch him. Maybe it wouldn’t dare.

A girl behind him whispered to a friend, “Isn’t he amazing? I can’t believe I’m actually seeing him in real life.”

“Yeah,” replied a Valley-girlish voice. “He’s the screensaver on my laptop. I just stare and stare. They say he’s gay, but I could care less.”

“I’ve heard that too, but I know he was dating that actress. Y’ know, Alexandra something, the one that won the Golden Globe for that great indie film. They were real serious, I think.”

“But who cares, y’know? He’s the most beautiful man on earth.”

Jake’s ears had been pricking. Actress? Screensaver? The guy was obviously not some wannabe. Jake thought he’d look him up on Wikipedia when he got back to the room. Most beautiful man in the world? He could get behind that, no questions asked.

At that moment, the photographer must have given some signal, because the two female models finally relinquished their towels and arched their long skinny bodies into awkwardly beautiful poses. But was anyone looking at them except the camera? The young god on the diving board began to move, and Jake thought again of a wildcat in the sunlight. He stretched and turned, proving that, despite appearances, the chiseled body was not actually made of marble. With one turn, Jake noticed a tattoo on his shoulder. It was words of some kind, but Jake couldn’t make them out at this distance. The model’s face pouted and glared and flirted, giving the photographer a thousand different attitudes to choose from.

Suddenly Roan did a half turn and arched his back into an impossible C shape, and just as Jake gasped, he heard others echoing it. All eyes were riveted to the huge, perfectly outlined bulge of his cock showing clearly through the front of his shorts.

“Oh yeah.” Jake heard the words breathed behind him. “There’s the money shot.”

Roan did it again, another shot that gave a clear view of the treasure he kept hidden in his pants.

Jake couldn’t resist. He turned to the girls behind him. “Why is he doing that? Doesn’t it ruin the picture?”

One girl giggled. “Are you kidding? He’s, like, famous for that huge cock. Some photographers love to slip in a shot that shows it off just so the magazine readers will, like, drool.”

“Jesus.” He turned back only to realize that the people he’d been hiding behind had moved away, and he was clearly visible. He looked frantically for another hiding place, but too late. When he glanced back at the diving board, the clear green eyes were staring straight at him.

Roan gave no sign of recognition. He continued to pose for several seconds, and then suddenly he simply dropped backward into a perfect arching backbend, hands and feet on the board, lithe body ripped and straining, and the bulge of that huge cock sticking straight up toward the heavens.

Jake had to give a little smile. The message was clear. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Look what you missed, straight boy.

Yeah, that guy was something.

Roan pulled himself out of the backbend gracefully. Apparently, the session was over, and he stalked off the diving board to a smattering of applause from the crowd. He flashed a smile briefly but never glanced at Jake.

Jake realized he was trembling, shaking all over, and to make it worse, his dick was hard as steel. Thank God his jeans were fairly tight, so they kept him under control, but he still pulled his T-shirt down, trying to hide it. He looked around and saw the Valley girl from behind him grinning at him knowingly. “That’s okay, sweetie.” She giggled. “I know just how you feel.”

Embarrassed, he couldn’t even give a witty reply. He just rushed toward the nearest entrance to the hotel, which proved to be the men’s locker room. Perfect, a hiding place. Inside, a few men were wandering toward the steam room wrapped in towels, so he headed for the quiet back lockers. With no one around, he collapsed onto the nearest bench, ripped off his sunglasses, and dropped his head into his hands.

Shit, why was he reacting this way? It wasn’t like he was some closet queen who had been fighting his attraction to men for years. He never noticed guys, not even Tom. He’d loved him as a friend and hadn’t been turned off by his oral sex, but he hadn’t lusted after him. He never thought of him that way. Why the fuck did Roan turn him on?

He stood up and paced a little. God, he wanted to deny it, but he was still half-hard in his jeans. Just thinking about the model made his palms sweat. But he didn’t have to explain it. Tomorrow he could go home and forget the whole fucking episode.

Fucking…? Wow. What if the guy had wanted to be fucked last night? Would Jake have done it? Was he that far gone over the beautiful man? He shook his head, trying to dislodge the image—the clear, full-color image of his cock buried deep in Roan’s ass. Shit, this was so not helping his erection.

A soft sound made him look up.

His beauty was wearing only a towel; the black hair clung to his forehead and neck, wet from the shower. Clear green eyes stared at Jake with some intense but indescribable emotion. Jake knew for certain he’d never seen anything so beautiful. A fully clothed guy—really big—stood behind Roan. The model looked over his shoulder. “It’s okay, Jimmy. He’s a friend. Give us a minute, okay?” The big man disappeared around the lockers.

A friend? Oh shit, yeah.

Maybe a stop-action camera could have shown who moved first, but Jake couldn’t describe how he was one moment standing by the lockers and the next locked in Roan’s arms, his mouth crushed against those full, soft lips. He’d never kissed a man before, but this wasn’t “a man,” it was Roan, and Jake couldn’t suck his tongue far enough into his throat.

The model moaned and whimpered as Jake’s arms pulled him tighter. It was like the boy softened in his arms, the curved lips opening to receive him. And Jake somehow understood that when Roan said he was a bottom, he meant it. Despite the audacious beauty and aura of confidence, the man was deeply submissive. The very idea raged straight to Jake’s cock like he’d been struck by lightning.

His hands slipped down the bare alabaster back and dislodged the towel. Then he pulled back and looked for the first time at the erection poking him right in the crotch. His eyes widened. “Holy shit.” Those girls had said big—they simply had no idea. The cock was as beautiful as the man it belonged to but was truly out of proportion to Roan’s lean, hard-bodied frame. It was the penis of a giant—a hero—and Jake was amazed to feel his mouth actually water.

Roan’s eyes were closed as if quietly waiting for some kind of verdict from Jake. He’d said that his cock had scared the girls in his high school. Maybe he was less assured about it than he seemed in his proud poses? “Roan,” Jake murmured. “You’re so beautiful. Everywhere.”

As if to prove it, Jake slipped down to his knees, putting that enormous penis at mouth level. Though this was something he’d hardly ever thought of doing, it seemed natural to reach out with his tongue and lick the great plum head of the cock. Salty, a little bitter, a lot sweet. And with a deep sigh, he surrendered and wrapped his lips around the shining head and sucked.

A soft wail came from Roan. He thrust one time deeply with his cock, forcing it into Jake’s throat, then again, and then, shockingly, he pulled out, away, wrenching his cock from Jake’s mouth.

“Stop, Jake. Don’t. Stop.” He reached down and pulled Jake to his feet.

Confused, Jake shook his head. “No, I want to. Let me.”

“No.”

Jake collapsed onto the bench, and Roan reached for the towel and wrapped it again around his waist, although it stuck almost straight out in front over his erection. He sat next to Jake and put one of those long-fingered hands on Jake’s arm.

“Jake, there’s nothing I want more than my cock in your mouth”—he gave a little smile—“except maybe your cock in my ass.” Jake started to speak, and Roan stopped him. “No, wait, let me finish. I don’t know for sure what you tell yourself when you look at me, but I’ve got an idea. Beautiful green eyes, just like a girl’s. Lips like Angelina.” Jake looked a little sheepish, and Roan stood and went to a locker and keyed in a code.

“It’s okay; I’ve heard it all before.” He turned and pulled off the towel. “Jake, I may be pretty, but I’m not a girl.” Jake grinned, since the great cock was making a pretty serious point out of the statement, but Roan didn’t smile. “Yeah, I’d love to walk over there and shove this big thing into your mouth, but after about five sucks, I’d come so hard I’d probably collapse, that’s how bad I want you. And the moment you felt my cum in your throat, you’d freak and run from this locker room like there were hounds chasing you. Gay hounds.”

Roan pulled on his jeans commando, having to push the still-semierect cock into the denim. “The point is, I’m a man, Jake, and if we’re ever going to be together even for one night, I’ve got to know that you see me as a man…and that a man is what you want. I need to know you want me, not some androgynous dream.”

Roan went quiet, pulling on his T-shirt and then leaning against the locker, waiting. Jake looked up at him, then stared down at his own hands. “I don’t know what to say, Roan. I admit, I do think some of your qualities are feminine, but many men—Tom, for example—are much more effeminate that you. And I’ve never really been attracted to a man before, no matter how girly. I’ve never kissed a man before or wanted to. As for sucking cock, it’s never crossed my mind until just now. Would I have run when the reality of what I was doing hit the back of my throat? Maybe. I don’t know. I could name dozens of things I like about you, but I don’t really know why I’m attracted to you.” He looked up at that intense, gorgeous face again. “Do you know why you’re attracted to me?”

“I’m gay, and you’re beautiful.”

“Is it as simple as that?”

Roan pushed away from the locker. “Not even close.”

Jake stared down again and had to whisper because his throat was so tight. “Roan, I have to go to meetings tonight, and I leave tomorrow morning. I won’t see you…”

He felt Roan sit beside him on the bench. Long fingers turned his chin up to stare into the green eyes. “Hey, Doc, on your name badge, where did I read that you’re from?”

“Long Island.”

“I’m a model. What the world grandiosely calls a supermodel.”

“Yeah.”

“Where do supermodels live?”

Jake looked around. “I thought here. LA?”

The eyes crinkled as Roan chuckled. “You really do live in an ivory tower, don’t you, Rapunzel?” He tousled Jake’s hair as Jake looked mystified, and Roan continued. “Actors live here, supermodels live in…”

Jake breathed a sigh that was both ecstasy and chagrin. “New York.”

Chapter Four

New York City—right next door. Jake leaned back in his seat and felt the big 757 rumble as it began its descent into JFK. He’d helped pack up Em and gotten her on a flight this morning to visit friends in Sonoma. She’d been in a hurry but still stopped to ask him if he was okay. She’d said he seemed distracted.

Yeah.

He’d promised Roan he’d think about what he really wanted. Back there in the locker room, he’d known. They’d kissed again, and Jake had wanted to go on kissing forever—with a guy. But Roan had stopped the kiss and told him to think with his head and not his cock. He’d keyed his private cell number into Jake’s BlackBerry and told him he could make a lot of money selling it to the paparazzi, or he could use it to call and say it was Roan he wanted.

Was it? In some ways it would have been easier if Roan had lived in LA. Then Jake could use distance as an excuse and drop the whole issue. But as it was, he really had to consider it. Should he call? He hadn’t felt about anyone for a long time the way he’d felt when he was with Roan—except Em, of course.

Man, talk about screwed up. He was only attracted to a woman he couldn’t have and one beautiful guy. He didn’t want to make too big a thing out of this. It was only sex. A lot of guys back in college had tried sex with other guys when they were too busy to meet girls or didn’t want to put up with a lot of romantic bullshit.

But did he want sex with a guy? Shit, it was disturbing to think that was the only way he could get off. Back to the question: should he call? Doing that would only prolong this silly aberration when he should be finding an appropriate woman who turned him on.

Well, the decision wouldn’t be made this weekend, since his parents were picking him up at the airport and taking him home to Brooklyn. He knew it’d be a big family thing, and he’d been looking forward to it because he was close to his family. He didn’t get to see them enough on his crazy busy schedule. But suddenly he felt odd about the visit. He just felt different. He’d kissed a guy, and weirdly that was a more intimate thing, a “gayer” thing, than getting his cock sucked. It was like his family would look at him and know.

Shit, he was losing it. The wheels touched down, and Jake reached for his cell to check in with his parents. After another twenty minutes of waiting and walking, he was grabbing his bags and being grabbed by his mom at the same time.

“My baby, my baby, you look thin. Have you been eating enough?”

He laughed and hugged her back, leaving the abandoned suitcase and equipment bag to his younger brother. All of them always looked thin to his mom, despite the fact that at fifty-something, after four kids, she was still as slim as she’d been on her wedding day.

She smoothed his golden hair, exactly the same color as hers, though these days she did enhance it a little. “You need a haircut.”

“Always. Sorry I’ve been such a stranger, Mom.”

“You do important work, my darling.”

“Yeah, well, so do you and the whole family.” Still hugging her with one arm, he reached back to embrace his father with the other, no easy task since the older man packed over 200 pounds of muscle on his six-feet-three-inch frame. Jake—at six-two, one-seventy—was small by comparison.

“Glad you’re back, Son. How’s Emmaline?” Jake’s dad, Burt Martin, had a serious affection for Jake’s boss and never failed to ask about her.

“She’s visiting friends in Sonoma, or I’d likely be back in the lab again this weekend.”

“She works too hard. Glad she took some time off.”

“Her?” Jake wailed in mock horror. “What about me?”

“You’re a Martin, Son.”

And in his family, that was all that needed to be said. “You’re a Martin” meant you worked hard, never quit until the job was done, made a difference in the world—oh, and had a hell of a lot of fun in the process.

“What’s in this thing, rocks?”

Jake looked behind his dad at his younger brother, Caleb, who was hauling both Jake’s suitcase and the bag containing leftover handouts and stacks of sequencing reports. “Something like that. Give it to me, runt.” This was the family joke, since Caleb, at almost twenty-one, was topping six-four and could still be growing.

“Nah. I got it.”

Jake grinned. Caleb had gotten his mother’s beauty and his dad’s powerful stature, although there was still a lot of adolescent lankiness in that tall frame. His coloring was a combination of his parents, producing brown hair with golden streaks that he got teased about since they looked like a hairdresser did them. Like Jake, his eyes were clear blue. The kid was drop-dead handsome, and apparently the girls chased him relentlessly, although his mom said he didn’t seem too interested yet. Jake figured she just didn’t know about it yet.

Caleb was in college on a soccer scholarship, but he was still deciding how he wanted to make the Martin contribution to the world. Their oldest brother, Sean, was a firefighter like their dad. Sister Jenny ran a huge worldwide nonprofit, and their mom, Lydia, had practiced nursing all the while she raised her kids. It was a high bar, and Jake sensed Caleb was eyeing it with some trepidation. Maybe they’d get a chance to talk this weekend.

After a talkative ride, Jake was installing himself on a daybed in what was now a combination guest room and room for Caleb when he came home from school. Although Caleb had an apartment with a roommate or two near his college, he, like all the siblings, was close to his folks and came home whenever he could. The small, neat room was strained to contain a queen-size bed, a daybed, and a chest of drawers. The crowded closet still held various pieces of clothing from both Cal and Jake. Hell, there were probably a couple of Sean’s sweatshirts in there.

Cal had collapsed on the mattress, and his feet hung over a few inches. Yep, the boy was tall.

“How was LA?”

Jake could feel heat climbing up to his ears and turned toward his suitcase to unpack a few things so his brother wouldn’t see. “It was great and tiring. The presentation Em made was really well received. We may get some more funding out of it.”

“Cool. You really like your job, huh?”

“Love it.”

“Like your boss too.”

“Yeah, what’s not to like? She’s brilliant, and she’s really good to me.”

“Hot too.”

Jake grinned. “That too.”

“Did you ever fuck her?”

He turned on his brother. “Shit, no, Cal. She’s a great scientist. She’s, like, more than ten years older than me.”

But his brother wasn’t buying the Madame Curie routine. “Bet you’d like to, though, huh?”

Giving up, Jake laughed. “Yeah, I’d give my right nut.”

His brother looked at the wall. “You really like women, don’t you? I mean, you’ve got a lot of them?”

Ooohkay. Where did that question come from?

“Hey, boys, get cleaned up. We’ve got company for dinner tonight.”

His mother’s words called from downstairs and interrupted the intimacy, and Caleb leaped up from the bed. “Yeah, I need a shower. I smell like Beckham’s balls.”

“We have company for dinner?”

Caleb grinned. “Oh yeah.” And he headed for the bathroom.

* * *

Jake had to admit she was pretty, and easygoing too. When his mother told him she’d invited her friend-from-work’s daughter over for dinner to “meet the family,” he’d wanted to dive in a hole. At first he’d let his older brother and his wife chat with her over dinner, but now he was actually enjoying their conversation. Her name, of all things, was Maude Delaney, but everyone called her Laney, since she was so not a Maude. Tall, with nice, medium-length brown hair, she was finishing her PhD at Columbia in history, so they’d fallen into easy talk about the rigors of the program and how best to squeeze a dissertation into a life. They both agreed the two weren’t compatible. She was complimentary about his rapid advancement in genetic research, and he applauded her for her dissertation topic on Alexander the Great. It was all so very normal. Why the fuck did it just feel wrong?

He knew the answer, of course. She wasn’t Em, with whom he had an easy rapport with an underlying lust that sometimes took his breath away. And, of course, though he’d love to bury the thought deep, she wasn’t Roan.

His dad questioned Laney about what she wanted to do as a career, and Jake let his mind wander. In a second he was back in LA, lying on that couch again with those gorgeous full lips wrapped around his cock, and he was coming so hard he couldn’t breathe and didn’t care if he ever did again because he was in such ecstasy. He gasped at the memory and suddenly looked up to find all the eyes at the table on him.

“God, I’m sorry. I, uh, just thought of something I forgot. Can you excuse me for a minute?” Clutching his napkin as long as he reasonably could to cover his sudden erection, he practically ran from the table and up the stairs to his room. He pulled out his BlackBerry and made a great show of texting, in case someone came to check on his abrupt departure. There it was in the directory. His dream. His nightmare. The name Roan Black.

Who the fuck was he kidding? Could he really live without the kind of pleasure he’d had with that man, now that he knew it existed, knew that he could have it with a phone call? But dammit, the man already made it clear he wasn’t some easy lay. Jake had to want him, a person, not just a beautiful set of lips to suck his cock. Could he really choose a gay relationship, even if it was only sexual?

After his hard-on subsided, he returned to the table in time to escort Laney into the small living room for some coffee. As they sipped, Jake took a deep breath. Time to meet everyone’s expectations. “Would you like to go to dinner or a movie sometime?” Nice and normal and appropriate.

She beamed. “Love to. I hoped you’d ask.”

Shit, he didn’t want to lead on this nice girl, but if he tried, he could like this girl for real, couldn’t he? “How about tomorrow night? I know it’s late notice.”

“Tomorrow night would be great. I had plans with my sister, but she’ll understand.” She gave him a shy smile.

“Okay, great. Give me your address, and I’ll pick you up about seven. Is there someplace you like to eat?”

They continued to chat until she left. Jake’s face hurt from smiling. C’mon, she’s a great girl; give her a chance.

When Laney was gone, he took up dish rinsing in the kitchen as his mom filled the dishwasher.

She looked at him with a small smile. “So, you liked her? I don’t have to apologize for playing matchmaker?”

“No, she’s great. We have a lot in common.”

She stared at him for a minute as he rinsed. “Are you okay, Jakey? Did I do the wrong thing by inviting her? Did I put you on the spot?”

“It’s okay. I know you want me to be happy like you and Dad and Sean and Abby.” He didn’t mention Jenny, since she was divorced and a single mom of two.

“That’s exactly what I want. You live too much in your own world, Jake. You need someone to help take care of you.”

“Well, women like you don’t grow on trees, Mom.”

“Jacob Martin, that’s not true. There are a lot of wonderful young women who would love to care for you, and I even suspect that charming girl could be one of them.”

Yeah, and he was hung up on an unattainable woman and the world’s most beautiful man. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m gonna take her to dinner tomorrow night. It’ll be fun.” He dried his hands. “I’m just making some decisions in my life right now, and I don’t know how it’s all going to turn out, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

She continued loading dishes like her third born hadn’t just told her his life was falling apart. “Anything you want to talk about, Jakey?”

“Not yet, Mom. Soon.”

* * *

The daybed was a little too small, and Jake shifted, trying to get his feet in a comfortable position. The room was dark except for reflections from a streetlight shining through the one window. Yeah, he was tired after the flying and the socializing. He sighed.

“You liked her, huh? You’re going to take her out?” his brother’s voice murmured across the room.

“Yeah, I asked her out.”

“She really turned you on. That date should be hot.”

Realizing hormones pretty much ran his brother’s twenty-year-old life, Jake asked with a grin, “Now why do you think that?”

“Hey, man, I saw you trying to hide that boner when you ran out.”

Jake flushed, glad that the room was dark. “Did everyone see?”

“Nah, just me. I was beside you, remember?”

“Yeah, well, I was thinking of someone else.”

“Ohhh. Your boss, I’ll bet. You’ve got it bad for her.”

Should he go with that suggestion? “Yeah, I do.” Then he decided to be at least a little more honest to encourage Caleb to be the same. “But actually it was someone else.”

He heard his brother sit up in bed. “No shit? You got another woman?”

Why did he have to phrase it quite like that? “Just someone I met in LA.”

“Wow. No wonder you’re so tired, big brother.” He laughed. “What’s her name?”

“I’d rather just forget about it.”

“No fucking way. Is she one of those LA chicks? Is she an actress? Wow. Is she famous?”

“Famous? Yes, that’s right. Now give it a rest.”

Suddenly the daybed was a lot more crowded, and Caleb was sitting on his legs. “Ya gotta tell me, Jake.”

“I don’t gotta tell you.” Shit, why didn’t he keep his mouth shut?

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“It’s personal.”

“I’m your brother,” he wailed.

“I know, but I can’t tell you about this.”

Cal was quiet for a moment. “Why not, Jake? Will it shock me? Will it despoil my lily-white ears?”

Jake sighed. “Yeah, it would shock you.”

“Really? Awesome! Let me guess. Threesome?”

“No.”

“S and M?”

“No!”

Cal flopped backward. “Orgy?”

“God, no. Hey, baby brother, what the hell are they teaching you in that college? Are you speaking from experience?”

“Shit, no.” He gave an evil grin. “Wish I was, though.”

“Come on, you like to be tied up?”

“I might consider it.”

“You want to be with a bunch of women?”

“Well, no, not really. But don’t change the subject, bro; we were talking about your indiscretions, not mine.”

“No need. I’m not talking. Get off me. Let’s go to sleep.”

The big body didn’t move, and all Jake’s pushing didn’t budge him. Okay, he’d just go to sleep. Jake turned his head on the pillow and sighed. Ignore the runt.

Cal was quiet, then a voice came out of the darkness. “Jake, did you have sex with a man?”

Jake swallowed hard. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“’Cause I remember that guy. Tom. So did you?”

“Yeah, sort of, but don’t think it was something major. I mean, it just happened…”

“Awesome.”

“What?”

Caleb shifted and brought his face down so he was looking straight at Jake in the dim light. “I said, awesome.” He was quiet for a minute, then seemed to have made a decision. “Jake, my roommate is my lover. His name is Charlie.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

They both just rested in the moment. Then Caleb practically pounced on him. “Tell me, Jake. Who was it? What did he do?” Suddenly Jake was being lifted by the shoulders and hugged by his giant of a brother. “Oh crap, Jake, I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have someone to talk to.”

Jake extricated himself gently from the bear hug and scooted back so he could sit up against the pillows. The light coming through the windows illuminated his brother’s handsome face. “Cal, why haven’t you told Mom and Dad?”

He looked a little sulky. “I didn’t hear you sharing your adventures at the dinner table.”

“Yeah, well this was a one-time thing. How long have you known you were…uh, liked guys?”

“It’s okay, Jake, you can say gay. That’s what I am, and I’ve known it since I went into puberty and all my raging hormones were pointing me in the wrong direction. Then I realized it was the right direction for me.”

“But you never told the folks.”

“For a long time I just kind of denied it. Then when I met Charlie and really got committed to the lifestyle, I just got tongue-tied. You know, Dad and Sean are such alphas.”

“I notice you didn’t include me in that description.”

“Well, you’re the pretty one. And you were always so comfortable with Tom. Man, I thought he was cute. Of course, I was just a kid, and he couldn’t see anyone but you. Fuck, that guy loved you.”

“You knew that?”

“Fuck, yeah. Didn’t you?”

“Not for a long time.”

“Wow. Poor guy.”

“Yeah.”

“So is that who you were with? Did he move to LA or something?”

“No, it wasn’t Tom.”

“Yeah, and I guess he wouldn’t be famous, or I’d probably have seen him. So who was it?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“If it doesn’t matter, why won’t you tell me?”

“Don’t want to.” Shit, what was he, five?

“So what did this unknown guy do?” Cal grabbed him again. “I’ll bet he sucked you off, didn’t he? That’s a pretty heteroflexible activity. Who doesn’t like getting their cock sucked? Right?”

“Yeah, right.”

“So who was it? Tell me, Jake. You know I’m not gonna tell anyone. C’mon, tell me.”

Jake sighed. “Okay. Have you ever heard of a model named Roan Black?”

Dead silence was followed by a soft whisper. “You are shitting me.”

“No.”

His voice rose. “Roan Black sucked your cock? The most beautiful man in the world sucked your fucking cock?”

“Shhh!”

Caleb fell back on the very crowded bed. “Baby, that doesn’t make you gay, it just means you’re smart.”

Jake burst out laughing.

* * *

“Want to come up for some caramels?”

“What?” Jake had been drifting a little, and the question took him totally by surprise.

Laney grinned. “Sorry. It’s my favorite line from Good Will Hunting. Will thinks caramels make about as much sense as coffee for getting together.”

Jake laughed, not for the first time tonight. Laney was funny, smart, and pretty. What more could a guy ask for? Okay, don’t go there. The list that included green eyes and silky black hair and washboard abs was just too long. Did he want to go up to her place? He wanted to want to.

“Sure. I love caramels.”

Inside her small, simple apartment, Jake took off his peacoat and threw it over her couch arm as Laney went into the little kitchenette to make tea. No caramels. He noticed her small dining table was drowning in papers and smiled. Man, he remembered finishing his dissertation. It’d been heaven in a hellish sort of way. He’d loved the work, the research, the discovery and ideas. The hours had been murder. Kind of like now. “Are you working and going to school?” he called to her.

“Yeah, I’ve got a teaching assistant position.” She brought in the tea and put it on the coffee table. “I babysit to make extra money. That way I can take my laptop and work while the kids are asleep.”

He sat next to her on the couch. “I know it’s hard to believe, but it will come to an end. You’ll finish it and get your degree and get published. It’ll all be worth it. You gonna teach?”

“That’s the plan. I want kids, and I think teaching is pretty compatible with raising a family.”

Ummm, maybe a little TMI. “You thinking of getting married in that plan somewhere?” He grinned and sipped his tea.

“Oh…sure.” She gave him a shy look. “What about you? You seem pretty work-oriented. Are you planning on having a family?”

Was he? Did he want kids? He never slowed down enough to think about it. “I haven’t given it much thought. There’s lots of time.”

“Yeah, I suppose, especially for guys.”

“What are you? Twenty-two?”

“Twenty-three.”

Same age as Roan. “Seems like you don’t have to start hatching right away.” He laughed.

“I guess not. You just read about women who wait too long.”

He glanced at his watch. “Better go soon. Our house is so small, it’s hard to sneak in without waking everybody.”

“Sure, I understand.”

Okay, moment of truth. “Maybe we can go out again?”

He got a big smile for his efforts. “I’d like that.”

“My schedule’s insane…kind of like yours, I imagine. But I’ll call you, and we’ll see what we can work out.”

“Great.” She looked at him, and he could practically hear her holding her breath.

Jake leaned over, slipped his hand behind her head into her soft, brown hair, and pulled her gently toward him. Her lips were a little dry and slightly parted. Trying desperately not to think of full, pink lips like Angelina’s, Jake gently slipped his tongue into her mouth. Her tongue tentatively met his, and he caressed it. She opened a little more and let her tongue tangle more with his. A soft moan escaped her throat.

Jake pulled back. Shit. He gave her a smile, trying to look appreciative, then stood and took his nearly full teacup into the kitchenette. “So I’ll call you.” He walked the few steps to the front door.

She looked a little surprised but returned the smile, rose, and handed him his coat. “I’ll look forward to it.”

He escaped. There was no other word for the way he felt. Trying not to look rushed, he made it down the outside stairs from her apartment to his car and waved back at her, then crawled inside, started the engine, and pulled away much faster than the freezing air would have suggested was wise in his family’s old Taurus. A few blocks away, he pulled over.

Nothing. Not a tremor, not a wiggle. What the fuck was wrong with him? A pretty girl had been willing to at least make out with him. A nice girl, the kind of girl he should want—and his dick lay as if it were Rip Van Winkle. But one fucking thought about that green-eyed model, sucking him, fucking him, and his damn cock was busting out of his pants. He couldn’t see the guy again. He knew that. It would jeopardize his job, his love for Em, the respect of his family. No, he couldn’t see him again. So why did the thought of never seeing Roan again make him sick to his stomach? Shit! He was not gay.

Chapter Five

The cell phone buzzed in Roan’s pocket and then began to chime. He froze while his assistant and agent both stared at him. Few people had this number, so the Chopin ringtone was always a bit of an event. Plus, Roan recognized the distinctive ring he’d programmed just for Jake Martin. His pulse hammered. It had been seven days. Seven long, miserable, heart-ripping, fucking days!

“Roan, are you going to answer it?” Roan’s assistant, Tick Tock, looked curious and a little concerned. Roan knew he must look stricken. He slowly raised the phone to his ear and pushed Connect. “Hi.”

“Roan?”

“It’s been seven fucking days.”

“I had to go to my parents, and then I had to work.”

“You didn’t have a phone?”

“Roan, you told me to think.”

“Yeah, and…?”

“Look…truth. I can’t get comfortable with the gay thing—for me, I mean, not you. And there’s someone I care about…a woman. I can’t have her. In fact, she doesn’t even know I’m lusting after her. It’s pathetic. But wanting you so bad makes me feel unfaithful to her, and that’s why I haven’t…”

“Say that again.”

“What? I feel unfaithful?”

“Before that.”

Jake sighed. “That I want you so bad?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna tell me I’m thinking with my cock again?”

Roan couldn’t get his voice above a whisper. “I don’t care what you’re thinking with as long as you want me.”

“Oh God, Roan, I do, so much.”

“And you know what you want?”

“My tongue in your mouth so deep you can’t breathe.”

“What else?”

“My lips wrapped around your cock and sucking until you come and come.”

Roan moaned and turned to hide his massive erection from his very interested onlookers. “And what else?”

He heard Jake swallow. “My cock in your ass. But Roan, you’re gonna have to show me how.”

“Yeah, baby. I will. How long will it take you to get here?”

“I’m in the city at the station. I took the train. I hoped…”

“Shit. That’s too far. Hurry…”

“Yes.”

“Hurry.”

“Where?”

Roan handed the phone to Tick Tock. “Tell him where I am.”

The boy looked perplexed. “What?”

“Here,” Roan almost shouted. Roan never shouted. “Tell him how to get here.” And then he ran up the stairs of his two-story loft and slammed the bedroom door.

Standing with his back against the door, he could faintly hear Tick Tock talking into his phone. Jake. Oh God, he had to get a grip. Jake cared for someone else. That was bad. Roan slammed a hand against the pain in his chest that felt like he couldn’t breathe. No. No. But he wanted Roan; that would be good enough. Roan couldn’t afford to get hung up on a straight guy who just wanted a little walk on the pervy side, no matter how beautiful he was. Just sex would be good. Good enough. It had been a long time since he wanted someone this much. Roan had walked away from Jake in LA, but there was no way he could do it again—no way.

Walking into his bathroom, he looked in the mirror. Roan never looked in the mirror. He knew just what he looked like from a thousand images looking back at him every day on newsstands, TV, and online. But suddenly he was curious. What did Jake see? Roan knew what he didn’t see—the grimy, frightened kid huddled in a corner of the root cellar, “to humble the pride from him,” his father had said. It took Roan years to realize his father just didn’t believe a child so beautiful could be his son. Beauty? Roan had believed for years he’d been cursed. A father who hated him, a mother who was afraid to love him, lovers who only wanted him for his looks, and absolutely no one who could understand that extraordinary beauty could be as great a burden as ugliness. Roan took a deep breath and smiled at himself, his famous crooked tooth shining. No one had ever made a curse pay quite so well.

He spit in the sink. Forget this “woe is me” shit. He was more than a survivor; he thrived. And Jake was coming.

* * *

Jake got off the elevator and saw the door to the upper loft straight ahead of him. The guy at the desk downstairs had announced him, so Roan knew he was here. Jake’s heart beat so hard, he could hear it drumming in his ears. In a minute he’d see him, maybe touch him. Seven days. Shit, it felt like seven years.

He knocked. The door was opened immediately by a short, blond young man wearing huge black glasses and several prominently displayed watches grouped on his skinny arms. The guy thrust out a hand. “Hi, Jake. I’m Tick Tock, Roan’s assistant.”

“Uh…hi.” Jake took the offered hand and got a firmer shake than he might have predicted. “Tick Tock, is it?”

“Yep, I keep the man on time.” Tick Tock waved him inside. “C’mon in; we’re all anxious to see you.”

Jake hesitated. “All?”

Tick Tock took his arm and pulled him inside, then closed the door. “Well, Roan, of course, and Roan’s agent, Angie, and me.”

“Tick Tock, stop teasing the man.”

The voice actually tingled up his spine. Jake looked across what he was vaguely aware was a large open room with polished wood floors, Middle Eastern rugs, and ultramodern furniture, but he couldn’t really see anything except the man standing beside a polished open staircase.

A woman’s hand was stuck in front of him. “Hi, I’m Angie, Roan’s agent.” He took it and shook it, but he didn’t really see the woman. His eyes were too full.

He covered the distance to Roan and stared into his face. His hands came up as if to touch him, but then he remembered they had an audience, and he let his hands drop to his sides.

Roan got it. “Hey, guys, could you give us a minute?”

The woman giggled. “Sure, Roan.” And she pulled Tick Tock out of the room.

Some part of Jake’s mind wondered where they could go, since this was an open, loft-style apartment, but he didn’t care as long as they were gone. He cradled Roan’s face in his hands without taking a breath. Shit, yes, this was what he came for. Gazing into the green eyes, he said, “Okay?”

“Oh yeah.”

Jake closed his mouth over those soft, full lips. It was so amazing to kiss someone who was nearly as tall as he was, someone whose back was hard, lean muscle and whose arms surrounded him with strength as great as his own. Amazing and wonderful. He tried to control his breathing, though his dick was like steel. Why couldn’t he feel this way with Laney? Fuck, he didn’t care. He had Roan in his arms. After his tongue had thoroughly explored deep into the recesses of that sweet mouth, Jake pulled back. “Oh God, that’s one of my dreams come true.”

Roan laughed, soft and low, and then pressed his head against Jake’s shoulder, nuzzling against his neck. In a flash, Jake realized that in his entire life he’d never felt as much a man as he did at this moment with this beautiful creature cradled in his arms.

Jake looked up to find both Tick Tock and Angie had crept back into the room and were openly staring with huge smiles on their faces. He blushed a little. “Sorry, didn’t mean to be rude.”

The woman, who he now realized was a pretty brunette probably in her late thirties, said, “Making Roan happy is never rude.”

That made him smile. He was glad Roan had people who cared about him. Despite his beauty and obvious success, the man had a vulnerability that made Jake want to take care of him.

Roan pulled back a little from Jake’s embrace. “Okay, darlings, be off with you. Jake and I need some time alone to make lots of noise.” He looked up at Jake mischievously. “Will you still be here tomorrow?”

Despite blushing, Jake played the game. “If you’re very good to me tonight.”

“Love, I’d rather be very bad to you tonight.” He waved a hand at Tick Tock and Angie. “Go. Go. But come back tomorrow if you have time, and I’ll make something for an early dinner. Then you can get to know Jake.”

“Mmm,” Tick Tock hummed. “I never miss a chance to eat your cooking.”

Angie flashed a bright smile. “And I never miss a chance to spend time with a beautiful blond. See you two tomorrow. Have fun.”

By this time, Jake was kissing Roan again.

When he heard the door close, Jake slipped his hands over Roan’s ass and pulled him in tight. Actually, it didn’t take much of a squeeze to feel that massive cock pressing against his own erection. Oh, there were such advantages to being the same height. He rubbed for a minute, then reached between them and pulled down the zipper on Roan’s jeans. The model seemed to like going commando, so Jake was immediately rewarded with warm flesh, but he still had to dig his hand into the denim to extract the big swollen dick that was wedged against Roan’s thigh. Finally the cock was in his hand, and he began to stroke.

Roan pulled back from the kiss. “Ready for a new experience, my straight boy?”

“What?” Jake kept on pumping that rod that felt so good in his hand.

Roan reached over, unbuttoned Jake’s jeans and pulled down the fly, then pulled both the jeans and boxer briefs down to Jake’s thighs so his cock sprang to attention. The brunet grabbed Jake’s cock and began to rub it against his own.

Jake’s head fell back. “Oh shit.”

“Good?” Roan had one long-fingered hand wrapped around both cocks now and was definitely working on making fire.

“Can’t take it. Gotta sit down before I fall down.”

“No.” Roan released both their cocks, and Jake moaned in disappointment. “Let’s go upstairs and get serious.”

“Oh yeah.” Jake pulled his jeans up enough to walk, but the head of his cock was still sticking out of the top of his briefs. Roan’s huge penis was bobbing in front of him as the model led Jake up the stairs. The sight of it was driving Jake crazy. Who knew he could ever go so nuts for cock? “Wait.” He fell to his knees on the open-tread stairs, pulled off his glasses, since they were falling off, and sucked that cock into his mouth. Just as good as he remembered from his short taste in LA. A salty, loamy taste and the stretch of a big piece of meat in his mouth. Jake tried to remember all the things he liked when a girl went down on him. He licked in circles around the big plum head and then sucked, getting as much into his mouth as he could.

“Oh shit, yeah.” Roan grabbed the stair rail and held on while he pumped his cock into Jake’s eager mouth.

Jake wanted to feel him come, wanted to make him happy, but he could barely handle the mouthful. Sucking mindlessly, he adjusted to the silky sensation pressing toward his throat and waited to feel that salty fluid in his mouth.

Roan grabbed his head. “Wait, love. I don’t want to come yet. Okay, baby? Want to come with you inside me.”

Jake pulled his head back and thrilled with both anticipation and fear. He’d never fucked a man. Could he do it? Could he do it right?

Roan read his mind. He pulled Jake to his feet and continued up the stairs, his big cock weeping precum. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll show you. It’s easy with a gay man. Want you so bad.”

They made it to his bedroom, a large, simply decorated, almost monkish room. The spread was already pulled off the bed, and the big expanse was covered with sparkling white sheets.

Roan pulled him to the bed and pushed him down. “C’mon, let’s get cum all over these sheets. I don’t want to leave an inch dry.”

Just the thought raised Jake’s hips off the bed as his body clenched with lust. Roan pulled the sagging jeans and briefs off Jake’s hips, and then his own followed. He ripped his T-shirt over his head, leaving him gloriously nude. Jake had seen this sight before, but never when he knew he had only to reach out his hand to touch it. He launched himself at Roan and began to kiss that alabaster skin.

Roan laughed happily as he wrestled Jake’s shirt over his head, while Jake continued to finds ways to kiss his belly and chest. “Okay, baby, easy. Just lie back for a second.” Roan pressed him down on the crisp, cool sheets that were rapidly getting warmer. “Let me make you real hard.”

“God, I can’t get any harder.”

Roan licked Jake’s cockhead. “I want you crazy, straight boy. I want you dying for me.” And he lowered his head over Jake’s cock and began to suck.

OMG. How could Roan’s mouth be better than he’d remembered? Hot, wet heaven. Jake cried wildly and pumped. “Oh shit, I won’t last if you keep doing that. Already crazy for you. Already—” And Roan popped his mouth off Jake’s straining cock and pulled a condom on him that he’d manifested from somewhere while Jake wasn’t paying attention. Then he grabbed a bottle from the side table, squirted a clear fluid into his hands, and began a slow, glorious massage of Jake’s sheathed cock with the lube. “Have you ever fucked a woman’s ass, Jake?” He kept massaging, so despite his anxiety, Jake was hard as steel and straining against Roan’s hands.

He managed to gasp. “Once, but I wasn’t very good at it.”

“You’ll be real good at this, love.”

Still massaging Jake with one hand, Roan took some of the lube and pushed it into his own beautiful ass. Oh shit, this was really it.

He reached down and pulled Jake up to a kneeling position. Still massaging his cock, he kissed him, at first tenderly, and then with his passionate tongue pushed deep into Jake’s mouth. Holy shit, Jake loved kissing him. Fire flashed from his lips to his cock, igniting everything along the way. He just went nuts. Oh God, he had to stick his cock in Roan. He wanted to have him, own him.

He pushed Roan down onto his hands and knees, where the man instantly dropped his head to the pillow, leaving his gorgeous ass sticking up toward Jake. Wild, Jake grabbed his own cock and stuck it against what looked like a far too small hole. Insane to be inside this man, to truly be his lover, he pushed hard against his ass, and miraculously, he heard Roan breathe out with a great sigh and felt his own cock sink into the tightest, hottest, most heavenly place it had ever been. In an instant, he was an addict.

“Oh my God!” Jake collapsed over Roan’s back, his cock pushed inside him so far, his balls were snuggled against that lovely ass. “Roan. Oh baby.”

He heard a soft chuckle. “Told you, love. No one has ever felt so good in my ass.”

That powerful feeling of being totally a man consumed him, and Jake began to fuck, pushing in and out of that tight, hot sheath. The heat rushed straight up his cock to his spine and blasted through his head like an inferno. Roan began to cry out, at first softly moaning and then screaming obscenities of love as Jake pounded and pounded. Oh God, nothing had ever felt this good. He shifted his position, and Roan screamed, “Yes!” Clearly having done something right, Jake did it again and again. He saw Roan clawing at his own huge cock. Jake reached around and began to pump it as he continued his relentless fucking.

Roan threw his head back, and Jake did the first thing that possessed him. He bit Roan on the neck.

“Jake. Oh God, too good. Gonna come. Gonna come…” Roan’s cum filled Jake’s palm until it spilled over and began to drip down onto the sheets.

Oh God, Roan had come. He’d made him come. Hot tingles pressed behind his eyes, and in a flash, his body screamed into orgasm. That light in his head went black, and he felt like he was floating in lava, every cell on fire with climax, jets of cum shooting into that perfect ass. Roan. Perfect.

Unable to sustain his own weight, he collapsed against Roan’s back. His lover held him up for a few seconds as his body continued to tremble in the aftershocks of orgasm, and then he collapsed on the bed, taking Jake with him.

Jake’s first vaguely sensible thought was that it was sure nice lying on someone he couldn’t crush. Then he began to chuckle.

The silky voice below him was muffled. “What are you laughing at, straight boy?”

He nuzzled the ear closest to him. “Don’t know if you can use that name for me anymore, gay boy.”

“Feeling pretty proud of ourselves are we?” He sounded amused.

Jake slid a little to the side, giving Roan room to turn over and face him as Jake pressed against his body. “Actually, I’m feeling damned wonderful. I haven’t come that hard”—he leaned down and kissed Roan’s lips softly—“ever.” Then, for no reason he could exactly explain, he took his sticky, cum-covered hand and began to lick it.

“Oh shit, Jake, you are so sexy.” Roan pulled the hand down to his own lips and began to lick it too, twining his tongue with Jake’s.

Jake whispered against the shell of Roan’s ear, “Can’t believe I’m getting hard again.”

“Want to suck you till you come.”

Jake did his best sulky child imitation. “No, I want to suck you.”

Roan grinned big. “Let’s share.” He sat up. Pulling the used condom off Jake, he positioned his head beside Jake’s now half-masted cock and stretched himself out along his side, giving Jake access to his already full erection. Both men grabbed their joysticks and went eagerly to work.

Chapter Six

Wow. When was the last time he woke up with someone’s head on his shoulder? He was usually the first one to get up and go home. Not this time. Jake buried his nose in the thick black hair of his sleeping lover and smelled some sweet, barely discernible scent like ginger. He noticed that his nose wasn’t the only active appendage this morning. Morning wood stood at rigid attention.

It was amazing he could ever get it up again. They had literally fucked themselves senseless last night, riding their hormones relentlessly with hard-on after hard-on until exhaustion had finally claimed them both. But jeez, it had been great. Amazingly, Roan said he hadn’t had a really satisfying sexual relationship in a long time, just like Jake. Well, last night they’d made up for centuries of bad sex. He may have just trashed his life, but there had been bountiful rewards.

He glanced down over the smooth, hard back, and for the first time, could make out the tattoo on Roan’s shoulder. Tilting his head, he read I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. D.H. Lawrence? He was pretty sure. Something about a bird falling from a branch, frozen, but never feeling sorry for itself. Wow. He’d like to hear that story.

He stretched a little, trying not to wake Roan but needing to get the kinks out of his body. Had they been cuddled this way all night? That would be another first for Jake. After sex, he usually was ready to claim some alone time.

“Is this for me?” The silky voice hummed against Jake’s chest as a hand surrounded his very prominent hard-on.

Jake chuckled. “I thought I would never fuck again, but obviously my cock has different ideas.”

“Do you need to pee first?”

“No, the small head is in charge right now, and he wants to fuck you stupid.”

Roan wiggled out from Jake’s side, reached to the nightstand for condoms and lube, and ripped a package open with his teeth, while never once stopping his stroking of Jake’s erection.

Jake moaned, “You are a multitasking fool, sweetheart.” And though he didn’t say it, since it sometimes made Roan uncomfortable, the model was also the most beautiful thing Jake had ever seen in the morning. Forget your sunrises; keep your setting moon. Roan’s face, still a little sleepy and heavy-lidded, was clearly the eighth wonder of the world.

Jake reached out and caressed Roan’s cheek as the brunet focused on getting the condom on Jake. “You don’t have much beard, do you?”

Roan shook his head distractedly, since he was clearly on a mission to fuck. “Native American genes, I’m told.”

“But you’re so fair.”

“Yeah, the Irish won.” He grinned as he began to stroke Jake’s sheathed cock with lube. “But let me demonstrate my Plains Indian skills.”

He swiped some lube on his own hole, raised up, and began to lower himself on Jake’s rigid cock.

“Holy shit, you mean there’s a position we missed last night?”

“Oh baby, you’ve got lots to learn.”

Roan began to ride. The strong, lean thighs levered him up and down, taking Jake’s cock deep into his own tight ass while his enormous penis bobbed in front of him. His eyes were closed and head hung back with the silky black hair flying, and Jake wanted to be his buffalo pony forever. Jesus, it felt so good. Never in his whole life would he have dreamed how much he could love fucking a man. But he did; oh shit, he did. He knew he couldn’t last long. He’d awakened already horny, but he didn’t want it to end.

Jake tried to thrust back, but in this position, Roan did most of the work, so he just relaxed and enjoyed while his beauty got his lower body exercise for the week. Tight, hot. Jake couldn’t help but wish he wasn’t wearing the condom. He wanted to come in Roan’s ass and fill him up till he overflowed. But who knew where that ass had been?

Roan’s big dick was glowing a brilliant pink and leaking like a water fountain. Jake so wanted to suck it, but that much of a contortionist he wasn’t, so he reached out with both hands and began to rub the big cock fast and hard on both sides like it was a huge fire stick.

“Shiiiiit.” Roan’s pumping became frantic as he literally jumped up and down on Jake. Jake kept making fire as Roan’s head swung wildly back and forth, and the boy demonstrated a whole new obscene vocabulary. Jake’s balls were pulled tight as acorns, and he was getting light-headed trying to hold back his orgasm. The dam broke.

“Roan, baby, God, you are soooo hot!” he screamed as he felt like his balls were exploding, and his body convulsed with the spurts of cum filling the condom. “So good. So good.” He opened his eyes to watch tears flowing down the most beautiful face in the world.

Finally, Roan collapsed forward onto Jake’s chest, and his softening cock slowly pulled out of Roan’s ass. Jake tossed the condom on the floor and held Roan tightly, sensing the vulnerability that the boy didn’t want to show.

“Hey, my little wild thing. You okay?”

The head bobbed on his chest. “More than.” Jake nibbled his ear.

“I never fully appreciated Geronimo before. Or was it Crazy Horse?”

Roan laughed what might have been called a giggle if it hadn’t been so low and sultry. “Well, after all the ways you’ve been in my ass in the last twelve hours, baby, now I’m Sitting Bull.”

* * *

Roan loved to cook. After a few hours of cuddling and kissing on the couch while watching movies in the media room, Roan was exercising his other great love, preparing the early dinner he’d promised Angie and Tick Tock. During the height of fashion season, when he barely had time to sleep, he hired a chef to prepare healthy meals, but in the slower times, he loved to be creative in the kitchen himself. Right now he was dredging some sole fillets and preparing a sauce for baked red potatoes. Jake was ripping greens for a salad.

While cooking usually relaxed Roan, it wasn’t having its usual effect. They hadn’t talked a lot during their cuddling, almost by mutual agreement, but now the thoughts were crowding Roan’s head. Who was the woman Jake cared about? How committed to her was he? Was Jake’s time with Roan just a fling? He said he wasn’t comfortable with the gay thing, but he seemed to love the sex. How would he feel tomorrow?

Jake interrupted his troubled musings. “Tell me about the tattoo.”

“What about it?”

“There’s gotta be a story. Hearts and skulls I get, but D.H. Lawrence?”

Roan smiled tightly, the memories a bit too dark. “It’s a manifesto of sorts. I found the poem one time in the library and always remembered it. When I decided to screw the bastards and be a raging success, I had it tattooed on my shoulder to declare my independence.”

“The bastards?”

“My father mostly.”

“Ah, not your favorite.”

“No.” The flat, hard syllable pretty much summed up his feelings. Jake must have sensed it. He changed the subject.

“You like poetry? Did you study it in college?”

Roan gave Jake a level glance and went back to sautéing onions and tomatoes. “I didn’t go to college. In fact, I didn’t finish high school.” He looked up again at Jake, the PhD, to see how that news went over.

Jake didn’t seem disgusted. “Wow. I never would’ve guessed.”

“Yeah, well, I spent a lot of time in the library as a kid. It was kind of a safe place where my father never went.”

“Is he the reason you left high school?”

“Oh yeah. He’d always hated me because he decided when I was born there was no way I could be his. But then when I was seventeen, he got wind that I was gay.” He transferred the sauce to a plate and put it in the warmer. “I figured I wasn’t going to survive that beating, so I left. Fortunately, I’d met a guy who gave me his card and told me he could make me a model. Since apparently heaven decided to give me a break, he turned out to be on the level. I changed my name from Robert Andrew Murphy, and Roan Black was born.”

“A wild thing who didn’t feel sorry for himself?”

Roan felt tears prickle behind his eyes as he saw Jake’s tender gaze. “Yeah.”

The tall blond walked across the kitchen and took Roan in his arms. “You’re really something, y’know that?”

The words were out of Roan’s mouth before he could pull them back. “Jake, who’s the woman?”

He felt the man stiffen, then try to relax. “Who?” But Roan knew that Jake knew exactly what he was talking about.

“The woman you care about, the one who you say you can’t have.”

Jake let Roan go and walked a few steps to the kitchen island, staring at a bowl of fruit. Roan suddenly felt cold. The other man was silent so long, Roan sighed. “It’s okay. No reason to tell me.”

“Yeah, there is.” The blue eyes looked at Roan like lasers. “If I ever want to see you again, right?”

Roan felt a clutch in his chest. “Do you want to see me again?”

Jake hesitated, and Roan held his breath. “Yeah.” He picked up an apple and put it back down. “It’s my boss, Emmaline Silvay. I’ve had a hard-on for her practically since the first day I met her. She’s beautiful and smart and has a great temperament, funny, inclusive, expansive, visionary…”

Roan felt sick to his stomach as Jake’s paean of praise went on.

“But she’s also thirty-six, brilliant, and a world-renowned geneticist who doesn’t need some callow youth fawning over her when she’s got the world at her feet.”

“And she’s your boss.”

“That too, in a very conservative, religious-based university that frowns on such liaisons, even if she was interested in one.” Jake walked to a high stool at the island and sat heavily. “Plus, I’m now considering the idea that I may just be kidding myself about how she’s the one I want so no other girl will do. Shit, Roan, I just spent the last day fucking a guy and enjoying the hell out of it. In fact, I’ve never had better sex in my life. Maybe I’m just full-on gay and never admitted it.”

Roan laughed, feeling a little lighter after Jake’s reluctant admission. “When was the first time you were attracted to a guy, Jake? When was the first time you felt like you had to get your cock in a guy or you’d die?”

The blond looked a little sheepish. “Last week.”

Roan shook his head. “I shouldn’t tell you this. I should say you’re right, you’re a flaming queen and have to spend your life with me. But in fact, baby, the chances are good that you’re barely bisexual. You feel about men the way I do about women. Every now and then there’s some guy that turns you on, but mostly you just like girls.”

Jake stared at his hands. “One.”

“What?”

“There’s one guy that turns me on.”

Roan cleared the space in an instant and had his lips locked to his lover’s before Jake could take a breath. When he came up for air, he said fiercely, “If she doesn’t want you, she’s not as smart as you say she is.”

* * *

“If you ever give up modeling, you can become a chef.” Jake leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. Even though the food had been fairly lean and healthful, he’d eaten a lot of it. Now they were all sipping after-dinner wine and struggling not to loosen their belts.

Roan shrugged modestly. “I’ll need a plan B, since modeling has a half-life of about fifteen minutes.”

“He neglects to mention that he’s been a major model for five years and the world’s top supermodel for three.” Angie sounded like a proud mother.

“Top male supermodel.” Roan looked at Jake to explain. “The boys aren’t on top in this business. Women out-earn us at least three to one.”

“Nonsense,” Angie huffed. “There’s only maybe one female supermodel in the world who out-earns you, my darling, and not by much. Plus, you’re a man. You can work for years even after that gorgeous mane turns gray, while all the female supermodels will be selling cosmetics on QVC.”

Roan leaned over and gave her a one-armed hug. “That’s because I have such a great agent.”

Tick Tock interrupted the mutual admiration. “How about you, Doc? Are there big bucks in your future being a geneticist?”

Jake chuckled. “Maybe I’ll make a few dollars off patents in my life, but for the foreseeable future, it’s mostly about small pay for way too much work.” He glanced at Roan. “In fact, I’ve gotta work tomorrow all day, so I probably ought to think of catching the train back to Long Island tonight.”

There was a flash of shock on Roan’s face before he controlled it, but Jake saw it, and it pulled at his heart.

“No fair,” Tick Tock chimed in. “Tomorrow’s Sunday.”

Jake tried to not feel like he was stabbing Roan in the chest and then pushing the blade into himself. “Yeah, well, I usually work all weekend. Taking last night and today off was really a change for me, especially after getting so far behind at the conference.” Then he heard himself say an amazing thing. “I wish I didn’t have to go.” And it was the truth. As much as Jake loved his work, as much as he wanted to see Em, he didn’t want to leave Roan—his lover. His male lover.

Angie got the unspoken message and was instantly gathering up Tick Tock and rushing them both to the door. “We gotta go too.” She gestured at Roan. “This guy needs his beauty sleep.”

Tick Tock was moving a little more reluctantly. “Don’t forget the big shoot on Monday, Roan. You gotta be there at five a.m. for hair and makeup. You know the location? It’s three and a half days’ work at least.”

Roan kept staring at Jake. “Yeah, I got it. Don’t worry.”

When they’d finally left, the two men just looked at each other, Jake sitting on the back of the couch and Roan leaning against the closed door.

“I was telling the truth, Roan. I wish I didn’t have to go.”

“But you gotta?”

“Yeah, she works me hard, but not as hard as she works herself. If I’m not there, she’ll only get two hours sleep instead of five or six.”

“I’m trying not to hate her.”

Jake hopped off the couch and stepped over to wrap his arms around Roan. “Please don’t, baby. I’ll bet you’d actually really love her if you met her.”

Roan’s green eyes locked with Jake’s, and he threw down the gauntlet. “Then introduce me.”

Jake heard himself gasp and saw Roan’s face harden. Everything in Jake’s chest tightened. He wanted to smile. He wanted to reassure this man, but reality was staring him in the face. Introduce the woman he loved to his gay paramour? “I can’t, Roan. I just can’t.”

Chapter Seven

Jake sat at his desk, staring at the computer screen, a miserable lump of human. Nothing was okay. Every way he looked, he’d made a mess of things. It was three days since he’d left Roan standing in his living room, looking like Jake had kicked him in the stomach. Oh, he hadn’t said anything. He’d kissed Jake good-bye and told him he’d be tied up with a multiday photo shoot, but Jake figured Roan thought he was a shit who was using him. The real kicker was that it might be true.

How did he feel about this whole thing? Thinking was required here, not being dragged around by his gonads. He had fucked a man. That was the truth. He had loved it, also the truth. But what did that mean, for crap’s sake? He kept coming back to this place. Was he gay? Roan said no, and he should know. If he wasn’t gay, why couldn’t he get it up for a woman these days, although God knew he’d fucked plenty of females in the past and enjoyed it? He dropped his head in his hands. He had never loved having sex with a woman as much as he’d enjoyed fucking Roan, so he was back to square one.

“Hey, Jake.”

Man, he was unconscious. Em had walked right up to his desk, and he hadn’t even noticed. He glanced around the lab, where three of his colleagues were staring at their own computers.

He smiled up into those perceptive chocolate eyes. “Hi.”

“I’ve got to leave for that meeting with the executive committee. I’ll be a couple hours.” Must be an important meeting. She’d even combed her hair. The usually messy auburn ponytail looked positively smooth.

“Oh yeah, right.”

She frowned. “Are you okay?”

He tried to look devil-may-care. “Sure, fine.”

“Bullshit, Jake. You haven’t been acting like yourself since sometime in the middle of the conference in LA. What’s going on?”

Again he glanced around, but nobody seemed to be listening. Em was too observant and knew him too well, so he dropped the facade. “Just some kind of early-life crisis. I’m trying to sort through some things in my head, and it’s burning up some energy. Sorry if I’ve been half an employee lately.”

“Crap, Jake, at your worst, you double the output of most humans, and I haven’t seen you at your worst since the last holiday party.” He winced, and she laughed. Then she ruffled his hair. Amazingly, he was so distraught over Roan, he barely shivered when she touched him. “I’m just worried about you, Jake. There’s nothing wrong with the family, is there?”

Em loved his family. “No, they’re great. It’s just me; my head isn’t on straight right now.”

“Aside from driving you to drink and never allowing you any sleep, is the job okay?”

“Shit, yeah, Em. I love the work; you know that.”

“And you’d tell me if you were having a work problem.”

“Absolutely.”

“So it’s personal.” It wasn’t a question. “I’d ask ‘who is she,’ but I guess it’s none of my business.” She waited a little expectantly, but when he didn’t say anything, she went on. “I don’t want to pry, but if you need someone to talk to, you know I’m here.”

That was so not going to happen. “Thanks, Em. Really, I’ll try to get my ass in gear.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.” She made a quick glance at her watch. “Crap, I’ve got to go. Just remember what I said.” She ran over to tell her assistant, pretty Mary something, then ran for the glass doors.

Jake called, “Thanks, Em,” as she hurried out into the hall.

There she went, the woman of his dreams. Would sex with her be as good as with Roan? His heart said yes, but his cock said sex with the green-eyed model was gonna be hard to top.

He stared at the screen. It was bad that his personal turmoil was showing, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Obviously he wasn’t succeeding in his attempts to act normal, but of course, things were not normal. The idea of talking to somebody about it all appealed to him—as long as it wasn’t Emmaline!

A grin split his face, and he grabbed his cell phone.

“Hi, big brother,” came the immediate reply.

“Hi, runt, how ya doin’?”

“Cool. So to what do I owe the honor? You’re usually way too busy to chat with the likes of me.”

Jake got the appropriate stab of guilt. “Actually, I need to talk to somebody, and I thought of you.”

“Ah.” There was a hint of gloating in his voice. “And am I to assume you wish me to counsel you in an area of my expertise?”

“Yeah,” Jake said tentatively.

“Got it! You want to discuss soccer!”

“Okay, give it up, asshole. Do you want to talk to me or not?”

“Ah, testy, testy. I’m assuming you’re not somewhere you can talk.”

Jake looked around at the activity in the lab. “Right.”

“I’ve got an idea.” Jake thought he could hear Caleb’s shit-eating grin. “In fact, it’s a plan. I’m gonna text you an address. It’s a bar where you can see how the other half—well actually more like ten percent—lives, up close and personal. I’ll meet you there.”

Jake felt his face get hot. “Cal, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“You gotta learn sometime, big bro.”

“Trust me, I’ve learned plenty.”

“Oh no. This I gotta hear. Meet you tonight at nine. See ya.” And he rang off.

Jake tried to breathe. I will not panic. I will not panic. I will not panic.

* * *

At nine p.m., Jake walked through a strip mall into to an undistinguished-looking club called the Blue Flamingo. Funny, a few weeks ago he probably wouldn’t have thought much about going into a gay bar, but now it made him sweat. It was too confronting.

Inside the door, Jake peered into the candlelit gloom for Caleb. There was a long bar, a bunch of booths and tables and—yikes—a dance floor. It was clearly still early for full operation, and there were just a few men sitting at the bar and a number at tables, most often in groups rather than couples. There were even a few women in the place, and Jake realized that if he hadn’t “known,” he wouldn’t guess just from looking that this was a place that catered to gay men.

“Hey, big brother.” Caleb appeared out of the darkness and waved Jake toward him. “Over here.”

Jake followed Cal to a booth toward the back of the club. When he scooted in, he realized that from here he could see everything but still had a feeling of privacy.

“I’ve got a pitcher of beer coming.” Jake gave Cal an arch look. “Okay. I know. Three months till I’m twenty-one. I’ll drink Coke. So what do you want to talk about?”

Jake swiped his hand through his hair, took off his wire rims, and laid them on the table. “You know, now that I’m here, I haven’t got any idea where to start.”

Caleb looked eager. “Then let me. When I saw you last, I think you were deciding whether or not to call Roan fucking Black and tell him you wanted to see him. The very idea that a person I know would even have the opportunity to make such a decision blows my mind, but I guess that’s not pertinent. So, did you call the most beautiful man in the world, or did you decide you were just too straight for him? Hmmm?” Cal leaned on his hand and gave Jake fluttery eyes.

“I called him.”

“No shit?”

“And I went to see him.”

Louder. “No shit!”

“And I spent the next twelve hours fucking him into the mattress in every way he could teach me. Was there something else you wanted to know?” Jake smiled, a little embarrassed and a little smug.

For a second, Caleb stared at Jake with his mouth hanging open—literally. Then he threw back his head, and at the top of his lungs, he crowed, “Holy shit!”

“Shhhh.” Jake looked around wildly.

A good-looking young waiter in a tight T-shirt came to the table. “Everything okay, Cal?”

“Oh yeah. Just my brother changing my vision of what is achievable in this life. Hal, this is my big brother, Jake.”

The waiter stuck out his hand, and Jake shook it. Then the guy put a pitcher and glasses on the table. “Yeah, I see the resemblance. Gorgeousness clearly runs in your family.”

Jake could feel himself blushing. Had he ever been aware of a guy flirting with him before? Maybe he was giving off a different vibe?

Cal intervened. “Yeah, he’s the prettiest. Sad to tell you he’s also taken.”

Jake punched his arm, which was a bit like pounding a rock.

Caleb gave a mock howl of pain. The waiter looked disappointed but leaned over to add, “Well you better tell that to Joe Jack over there. He’s been seriously eyeing your boy here since he walked in.”

Cal glanced over toward the bar. Jake tried not to look but couldn’t resist casting a glance at a tall, great-looking alpha male sitting facing them with his back leaning against the bar. The guy had very short-cropped fair hair, and his muscles had muscles, but he still came off as lean—and hungry, to quote Shakespeare. He tipped a beer bottle toward them, licked the wet top lovingly, and then took a drink.

Man, Jake had thought he was blushing before! He quickly looked away but could hear the guy laughing even over the piped-in music.

Caleb continued his appraisal. “No way. Joe Jack is a top, and so is Jake. They’d kill each other.”

The waiter chuckled. “Looks like he’d be up for the fight.” He headed toward a new table of patrons.

Cal turned back to Jake. “So, you had sex with the man, and I gather you liked it.”

“Physically, I loved it; emotionally, I’m not handling it so well.”

“So how does a guy who gets to fuck Roan Black have any problems?”

“Cal, be serious. I’ve spent my whole life with women. I don’t think I’m gay, but I go off my head at the thought of this man.”

Cal leaned in and suppressed the grin on his face. “Jake, ask some of the guys in this room if they’ve ever been with a woman, or even a lot of women, and they’ll say yes. Hell, I’ve been with women. A couple I really enjoyed. Sexuality isn’t quite as cut-and-dried as you want to make it.”

Jake shook his head. “Thank you, Dr. Kinsey.”

“Hell, it’s true. In a lot of cultures, sex between two men was commonplace, accepted, even though the men were married and had kids. It’s just that our society condemns it.”

“Yeah, I know all that. It just feels different when it’s me we’re talking about.”

“So you either have to accept that you want to be with this man and have it be okay with you, or you gotta walk away. You can’t beat yourself up over something you’re doing; it’s a sure path to a lot of unhappiness. Listen to the voice of experience. I kept fighting my attraction to men ’cause I wanted to be like Dad. I finally had to make peace with myself or go crazy.”

“Cal, you are like Dad…strong and brave. You just happen to like guys.”

The blue eyes looked a little misty. “Thanks, Jake.”

Jake wiped at his glasses. “The worst thing, Cal, is I hurt Roan. Disappointed him.” It was almost a whisper.

A big hand patted his arm. “Don’t worry; you’ll get better at it.”

“No, runt, I don’t mean the sex. That was spectacular. It was like, I don’t know, heaven or something.” Jake could feel his heart and his balls contract when he said it. Yeah, heaven was right. “No, I just freaked out. He asked to meet Emmaline.”

“Shit, he knows about her?”

“Yeah, I told him. And just as I was leaving to come home so I could work the next day, he asked to meet her.”

Caleb was quiet for a while. “It was a test.”

“I know, and I failed it.”

“You said he couldn’t meet her?”

“Jesus, Cal, I don’t even know how I feel about being with a guy. I can’t deal with how other people feel about it yet, especially not Emmaline.”

“Y’know, he was definitely testing you, but they say Roan Black is a pretty smart guy. He knows this is new to you. I’ll bet he doesn’t expect you to be completely comfortable with your relationship. He just wishes you were.”

“I wish I was too.” Jake swiped a hand through the tangled mane he called hair. “I feel like I’m being torn in half.”

“Hey beautiful, wanna dance?”

The voice was so out of left field, Jake was disoriented for a minute. He finally looked up into the face of the handsome alpha male the waiter had called—yeah—Joe Jack.

Jake mumbled, “No, thanks.”

“Hey, Joe Jack.” Cal extended his big paw and did a quick fist bump with the man. “This is my brother, Jake.”

“Hi, Jake. Why don’t you dance with me?”

“Joe Jack, Jake here is kinda new to the life, so I doubt he’s ever danced with a guy. Plus, he’s taken.”

The alpha stuck a thumb in his Levi’s pocket, pulling the waistband down suggestively. “New and taken? Man, somebody must have been a good salesman.”

Cal grinned mischievously. “Yeah, the best, actually, but I think it would be good for him to get some dance experience. What d’ya say, Jake?”

“Leave me alone, runt.” Jake hunched his shoulders farther.

His brother leaned in and whispered, “I’m not trying to embarrass you, Jake. But it might help you scope out your feelings, y’know?”

The kid had a point. How would it feel to be touched by a guy who wasn’t Roan? Would Jake be turned on? This Joe Jack was a great-looking guy, but not the pretty man/woman look of Roan. This was all guy. Would it be disgusting to be in his arms?

“Okay.”

Both Joe Jack and Cal spoke at the same time. “What?”

“I’ll dance.” Jake scooted out of the booth and walked straight out on the small dance floor, leaving Joe Jack back beside Caleb. The club had gotten pretty crowded while Jake and Cal had talked, and now there were several male couples pressed together dancing. Shit. How did Jake feel about this?

He felt a hand on his shoulder. The big guy turned Jake around and gave him a softer smile than Jake would have thought was in his repertoire. “Do you know how to dance?” Jake nodded. “Would you like to lead? It might make it easier.”

“Okay.” Jake tried to smile as he fumbled around, figuring out how to take a guy as big as Joe Jack into his arms. The man was about six feet, so Jake had a couple inches on him, but the guy probably had twenty-five pounds more solid muscle, so holding him close felt downright strange.

But Joe Jack was sensitive. “Feel weird?”

“Very.”

“Your lover’s probably smaller than me.”

“Taller but more slender, and I’ve never danced with him.”

“Really?” Joe Jack chuckled. “Too busy fucking?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, in case you want to practice on a meatier guy, I volunteer my services. Fucking, I mean.”

Jake could hardly believe he was flirting with a 200-pound bruiser and enjoying it, but those were the facts. “Are you saying you’d let me fuck you? I hear you’re a top.”

“I am.” Then he looked directly into Jake’s eyes, and his expression was serious. “But, yeah, I’d let you, because I think you are fucking beautiful. And if your guy doesn’t treat you right, baby, you know where to come.”

Touched, Jake smiled all the way to his eyes. “Thanks, Joe Jack. I will honestly keep that in mind.” They danced quietly for a little while, and Jake got to deal with Joe Jack pressing his chest and his erection against his body. Strange, but it felt kind of nice. It even turned him on a little, but mostly because it made him think of Roan pressed against him on the stairs.

“Joe Jack, can I ask you a strange question?”

“Sure, baby, shoot.”

“Have you ever been with a woman?”

“Shit, yeah. I’ve got a couple women I see pretty regular. I love pussy, but nobody sucks cock like a guy, and I really love seeing a guy come, y’know? A woman can fake it. A man gets spunk all over your sheets. I like that.”

Jake remembered vividly Roan saying he wanted to come all over his sheets. Just the memory made his already half-hard dick stand up. “Yeah, so do I.” As the music ended, Jake executed a double spin and swooped Joe Jack into a deep dip. Both men laughed, and they left the dance floor to a smattering of applause.

Joe Jack gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, beautiful. That was great.” All Jake could think was, you’ve never seen beautiful.

After Joe Jack had left them, making Caleb swear to call him the minute he saw Jake’s romance fading, Cal looked at his brother. “Wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“No, actually it was kind of fun.”

“So, what have we learned here tonight, class?”

Cal got a punch on the arm for his trouble. “I know you’re kidding, baby brother, but I actually get that sex, like everything else in life, is better if you can let go of your ideas of how it’s supposed to be.”

“That, brother of mine, is positively profound. Can I quote you?”

“Only if you pay royalties.” He leaned back. “My problem, of course, is whether or not I can let go.”

Both men sipped their drinks for a minute.

Jake took a deep breath. “God, I miss him. It’s been three days, and he hasn’t called me.”

“Have you called him?”

“Well, no, but I figured he didn’t want to talk to me.”

“Hey, you’re the one that went home. As I see it, the ball’s in your court.”

Jake felt like Caleb had just hit him in the head. He reached into his pocket for his phone and realized it wasn’t on him. “Shit. Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re right, I have to make the first move, but I forgot my phone.” He threw his hands up. “Shit.”

“Calm down, bro. Here, use mine.”

Caleb produced his phone, and Jake grabbed it like a lifeline. He remembered Roan’s number as if it had been etched on his brain. He keyed it in, then texted:

I miss you so bad I hurt. J.

Chapter Eight

Not a word. Not a fucking word.

After his text last night from Cal’s phone, Jake had followed up with a call from his own phone this morning. It went straight to voicemail. Shit. Jake knew Roan was working, but where the fuck was he, Siberia? Maybe he really had screwed the pooch. Maybe Roan just didn’t want to see him again.

But he wasn’t going to take that. He grabbed his phone and texted again. Please, let me come see you this weekend. Will you be home? Can I come there? Just tell me where. I miss you. J.

Jesus, he was perverse. He should just be happy that he hadn’t heard from Roan and get on with his life—his life as a heterosexual. Instead, he was frantically trying to reach the man so they could have sex again. Sick. But, God, he missed Roan so much, he actually ached. His cock hurt, and no amount of jacking off was doing the job.

Time to work and stop obsessing.

Two hours later, he’d barely moved from the computer and had successfully engrossed himself in sequencing patterns and reports to possible contributors. The buzz of his desk phone startled him.

He grabbed it. “Martin.”

“Jake, can you come down to my office? I have a surprise.”

“Sure, Em.” Surprise? WTF—anything to take his mind off his Kinseyan crisis.

Em’s office door was closed, unusual in itself, and Jake rapped.

“Come on in, Jake.”

He opened the door to Em’s small, cramped office, and a smile split his face. “Jenny!”

His sister, beaming ear-to-ear, was sitting across from Em at the desk.

He crossed the miniscule office crowded with books and gave her sturdy frame a hug. Jenny and Sean had inherited their father’s stalwart good looks, while Cal, despite his size, had more of the radiant, refined beauty of their mom. Some said Jake did too. “What are you doing here?”

Em laughed. “I told you I had a surprise. Two, actually.”

He sat in the other small chair beside Jenny. “What are you two cooking up?”

Em nodded at Jenny, who started to explain. “Emmaline and I met at a women’s conference a couple months ago and struck up a friendship. After hearing about your research from both you and Em, I’m thinking that our foundation may well have contributors who’d wish to support it.”

Jenny was a top executive at a large nonprofit organization that focused on prevention and cures for high-profile diseases. This plan to raise money for Em’s research was an amazing idea, and Jake wished he’d thought of it. After all, it was perfect for her foundation. Their genetic sequencing could help determine the optimum treatments for diseases like cancer. But truthfully, he probably wouldn’t have presumed to approach his sister, no matter how big a wig she was. “That would be phenomenal, Jen. Just tell me how I can help.”

Em took over. “That’s the other part of the surprise. Your sister is having a big fundraising event a week from Saturday. It will be an incredible opportunity to meet and impress a lot of Jenny’s top contributors. We’d like you to go.”

“Heck, yes. I’d love to be your escort.” He smiled at Em.

“Oh, sorry, dear. I won’t be going. That’s the weekend I need to be in Chicago, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.” Shit, it would have been fun to be with Em.

Jenny leaned forward enthusiastically. “But trust me, bro, it won’t be hard to get any girl to go to this event. There will be lots of celebrities and great food and dancing. Of course, I don’t think you have much trouble finding girls anyway.” She gave him a little nudge.

Jake cringed at each word. A date—he was going to need a date, a female date. Not his strong suit lately.

“Oh and, Jakey, I think I’ve gotten Mom and Dad to agree to go. That’ll be a kick, seeing Dad in a tux.”

“Oh, it’s black tie?”

“Sure, this is red carpet all the way.”

He plastered on a smile. “Looking forward to it.”

After hugging Jenny good-bye, Jake went back to his desk and picked up the phone. Date. Girl. Laney.

* * *

He couldn’t quite believe Laney was talking about Alexander the Great. She’d told him she was doing her dissertation on the great warrior, but apparently she was focusing on his complex relationships with his two wives, many female friends, and his most intense attachment to Hephaestion—his friend, general, and bodyguard, whom many claimed was also the love of his life.

“There are those who maintain that Alexander was never conquered,” she said, smiling, “except between Hephaestion’s thighs.”

Jake coughed on his Chardonnay. He’d called and asked if she’d like to have a drink after work on Thursday, with the idea of telling her about the event coming up and asking her to go with him. So far, though, they’d been focusing on the Greeks. Well, Macedonians, actually.

She ran her fingers through her soft brown hair. She seemed to do that when she was engrossed or excited. She had to raise her voice to be heard over the happy-hour crowd. “There isn’t any definitive historical evidence of a sexual relationship between Alexander and Hephaestion, but of course, if they had one, it wouldn’t have been unusual for the time. Bisexuality was fairly common in Greek culture.”

Jake cleared his throat. “The Greeks had some unusual social practices, I’m told.” A guy bumped into his hand, spilling a little wine.

“Sorry.”

“No problem.” The place was a meat market on Thursdays.

Laney wasn’t sidetracked. “Yes, actually we think of them as so advanced, but they were pretty misogynistic and—”

“Actually, Laney, I was wanting to ask you something.”

She looked a little chagrined. “I’m sorry; I was really running off at the mouth.”

“Not at all. I think it’s great you’re excited about your subject. I pretty much talk the ear off anyone who’ll listen to me hold forth about genetics.”

“So what did you want to ask me?”

“Uh, well, I’ve been invited to a black-tie event next Saturday. It’s a big fundraiser my sister’s charity is holding, and I actually have to go press the flesh with a lot of potential contributors to our research. I wondered if you’d like to go?” He sipped wine, but she didn’t reply, so he hurried on. “My folks will be there too and my sister, of course, so even though I’ll have to spend a lot of time working, you’d still know people and everything.”

“You mean you can get back at me by making me listen to you go on and on about genetic sequencing?” She laughed.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, I’ve actually got a formal gown I had to buy for a special event that I’ve only worn once, so yeah, it seems like a good chance to get my money’s worth.”

He looked at her over the tops of his glasses. She was being very witty but also a little acerbic about his invitation. He sipped again.

“Jake, why aren’t you taking the woman you really want to this event?”

He flashed a glance at her face and then averted his eyes. “What do you mean?”

She put a hand on his arm. “After our last date, I had to really take stock. Either I was a lot less desirable than I thought, or you were actually attached to someone else and were just using me as a substitute. Naturally, I chose the latter explanation to save my ego, but the more I think about it, the more I think it’s true.”

Jake sighed. “It is true. I’m sorry, Laney. I don’t mean to make you a substitute. I really like you and enjoy your company. I just have a limited amount to give right now.”

“Is it someone you’re trying to get over?”

“Not exactly. More like someone I just can’t have, but it’s not something I can really talk about.”

“Ah, the old ‘I can’t really talk about it’ trick, huh?”

He glanced up. “Sorry.”

It was her turn to give the appraising look. “Okay, Jake, I’d love to go to your event because I enjoy your company too. Besides, I like celebrities as much as the next person.”

* * *

Jake was pretty tired as he walked up to his townhouse. After leaving Laney, he’d gone back to the lab for a while. Now he was bleary-eyed but glad to have gotten the date thing handled. He glanced up as he put the key in the lock. Funny, he didn’t remember leaving a light on inside, but he’d been more than distracted lately.

Balancing a bunch of papers he wanted to check before work tomorrow, he opened the door, dumped his briefcase and papers on the hall table, tossed his coat on the couch, and headed to the kitchen for some water. Grabbing the glass on the counter—huh, must have left it there this morning—he sipped some water, wondering if it was too late to call Roan. A quick glance at his watch confirmed it was close to midnight. Okay, he’d text before he went to bed.

Ripping off his tie, Jake headed for the stairs. At the top he stopped, confused. Light was shining into the hall softly. His bathroom light must be on. What the hell? He was semi-OCD about turning off lights. Could he really have left two on this morning? But then, burglars didn’t usually leave lights on.

Walking softly, he entered his bedroom and stopped, staring. Curled on his side in Jake’s king-size bed, looking like an angel heaven would be proud to claim, was Roan, sound asleep. How in the hell had he gotten here? Jake had never even told Roan where he lived. But oh, he didn’t care as long as he was here.

Jesus, why did his body react to Roan like a cat to tuna? He wanted to hurl himself on that lean body and kiss him senseless. Instead, he walked quietly into the bathroom, closed the door, took off his clothes, and brushed his teeth. Then he doused the light and, nude and already more than half hard, tiptoed to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers.

Sliding up to Roan’s back, he wrapped his arm around his shoulder, put one leg over the sleeping man’s hip, and began kissing the back of his neck. A soft moan from the sleeper was his first reward.

Pinned by Jake’s leg, Roan turned his head up. “Oh baby, I’ve missed you so much.”

Jake captured his mouth and lifted his leg enough so that Roan could flip to face him, then he wrapped that leg tight around his hip again, bringing their two erect cocks together without ever breaking the kiss. Jake reached between them and grabbed their cocks in one hand and began to rub as Roan had once done to him.

Roan reached down and stopped Jake’s hand, pulling his mouth back from the kiss. “Don’t, love.” The boy was panting. “I’m insane for you, and I’ll come in a minute. Put your cock in me, please, now. Fast.”

That would be a yes. Jake rolled to the side, opened the nightstand drawer, and grabbed a bottle of lube. He reached for a condom, then paused and looked at Roan. “Baby, I’m clean. I’ve been tested.”

“Oh yes, me too. Please. Let me feel you, hurry.”

Jake rubbed lube on his own cock. Roan grabbed a pillow and put it under his ass, then stuck his hand out for lube. Jake squirted it, and his lover began pushing it into his own hole. “Come in me frontward, Jake.”

Roan raised his legs high on either side. Jake grabbed one leg and pushed, raising him higher still, till the slippery opening was shining at him. With his other hand, Jake guided his dripping bare cock to Roan’s ass and shoved it in, hard. “Yes,” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Jake, oh God, Jake, fuck me, just fuck me.”

He did, ramming the hard shaft as deep as it would go into Roan’s hole, until Jake’s balls were bouncing off that beautiful, hard butt, and then pulling all the way out until they were both tantalized by just the tip hanging in there. He just kept thrusting back in again and again. The agonizing pleasure of being in raw was almost more than Jake could bear.

To distract himself from the overwhelming sensations, Jake looked at Roan’s face. His lover gazed into his eyes, his mouth open wide with each hard thrust and then tightening into an O as Jake pulled to the tip. Roan loved to talk. “Oh, love, do it to me more. Don’t stop. I can’t live without you in me. It’s so good. Oh, Jake, it’s so good.” His litany of erotic talk poured out, separated by moans and cries that made Jake feel like the sexiest and most powerful man in the world. He held his breath, forcing himself not to come, even though his balls were screaming for release and his dick felt like it was already heavy with juice. He wanted to keep hammering that wonderful erotic monologue from his lover.

He shifted his angle just a bit, having learned from their day in bed that this position would connect with Roan’s prostate.

“Oh shit!” Roan threw his head back. “Gonna come, baby, gonna, oh shit, come!”

Jake slipped his hand between their tightly compressed bodies, grabbed that massive cock, and began to stroke it fanatically. Roan screamed, “Oh God, I love this. Love this so much!” And his body bucked and thrashed in climax as what felt like a quart of cum emptied into Jake’s hand. Jake’s own balls pulled up into his body as heat seared through his spine, stars appeared behind his tightly closed eyes, and he felt the exquisite pleasure of his semen pouring into his lover’s bare ass. Trembling uncontrollably, he kept madly pumping his cock into Roan until he simply couldn’t move again, and he collapsed forward onto his lover’s ripped, gorgeous, and very sticky chest.

There were about a million things Jake wanted to say, questions he needed to ask, but he was so tired, so satisfied, and so happy to have Roan in his arms, he simply fell asleep.

* * *

Roan opened his eyes as a soft voice whispered in his ear, “Don’t get up. I overslept. I have to hurry and get to work.” Then he missed the warmth of Jake against his back and heard sounds in the bathroom. Oh, he would have liked one or two more rounds of the incredible sex they’d had last night. In fact, his morning hard-on was pushing uncomfortably against the sheets, but his lover had to work, and he wanted to make his morning easier.

He slipped out of bed. Ooh, sticky. He still had dried cum all over his chest. Kind of yuck and kind of yum. He found a pair of Jake’s sweatpants lying over a chair arm—the man was not too neat—made a stop in the guest bathroom to pee and wash up, and headed downstairs for the kitchen. He looked around. Well, it was pretty clear his lover was no gourmet chef. This was going to take creativity.

By the time Jake walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later dressed in crisp jeans, a white shirt, and a corduroy sport coat, Roan had made coffee, found enough eggs and a few scraps of cheese to scramble, and was putting peanut butter on toast.

Jake looked amazed and completely pleased. “You didn’t have to do this. You should have stayed asleep.”

“Need I remind you that I got more sleep than you, workaholic? Sit down and eat, or you’ll fall asleep at your desk.”

“Yes, Mother.” Jake grinned from ear to ear.

Roan grabbed his own plate and coffee and sat across from the place he’d set for Jake. The scene was so domestic, he felt a little shy.

Between quick bites of egg, Jake said, “I’ve got to know. How did you get here last night? I never told you where I live, did I?”

Roan sipped and grinned. “You do recall texting me from your brother’s phone?”

Light dawned on Jake’s face. “Caleb, the informer.”

“Yep, he couldn’t have been more anxious to tell me how to find your place and where you kept the key. He offered to come pick me up if I needed a ride.”

“Yeah, well, he is a pretty hopeless fan of yours. That reminds me, I didn’t see a car. Did you take the train? Cab?”

Roan shrugged. “I have a driver I use sometimes. He brought me.”

“Man, I honestly forget that you’re a superstar.”

Jesus. “I’d just as soon you did forget it.”

Jake glanced at his watch. “Shit, I wish I didn’t have to go.” Grabbing one more sip of coffee, he rose and moved toward the front door. “This was so wonderful. I’ve never felt so spoiled in my life.”

This guy was easy to spoil. Roan moved up behind Jake, who turned and took him in his arms.

“I wish we’d had time for sex. Hard to believe after last night, but I am horny as hell.”

Ah, an opportunity. Roan batted his eyes. “Oh, baby, there’s always time for sex.” In one move, he slipped to his knees in front of his lover, taking Jake’s fly zipper down with him. He reached in, grabbed the man’s already half-hard cock, and had it in his mouth before his lover could protest. Mmm. Vacuum cleaner time.

Jake’s back was pressed to the front door, and his hips were pumping into Roan’s mouth after the first deep suck. “Shit! Oh baby, yes, yes.”

It didn’t take long. Both of them were so primed, Roan only had to deep throat that long red rod a few times before Jake was screaming he was going to come. Relentless, Roan sucked the head while his hands did a twister on the big phallus, and then, to his delight, he felt hot, sticky cum hit the back of his throat. He sucked hard, not losing a drop. When he’d drained the man, he pulled back and carefully licked every inch until the cock was clean. Then, with great care, he tucked the now relaxing penis back into Jake’s underwear and closed his fly. He looked up at his still-amazed lover and winked.

Jake grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up into a fast, bruising kiss, then pulled back. “Will you be here when I get home?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Shit, yes.”

Roan felt like his heart would explode as he caressed Jake’s cheek. “Where would I go, my love? What I want is here.”

Jake kissed him on the nose. “I wish I could suck you right now. Or take you upstairs and fuck you till dinnertime.”

“How about you fuck me at dinnertime?”

“It’s a promise.” He gave his watch a quick glance. “Damn, gotta go.”

Jake opened the door and headed for his car in the driveway. Despite the fact he was freezing with his bare chest in the February morning air, Roan watched him go. He gave his best Father Knows Best wave. “Have a nice day, dear.”

Jake laughed all the way to his car.

Chapter Nine

What a difference a day made. Yesterday, Jake was miserable. Today? Not so much. Of course, the reason for his happiness was going to present a host of problems—like figuring out why the only lover who could thrill him was a man. He also had to figure out how this all fit in with his passion for Em, but shit, he would think about that later. He didn’t have to tell anybody about Roan. It could be his own private kinky little secret. He glanced around the lab, then stared at his computer. He knew he was wearing a shit-eating grin and glowing with sexual satisfaction. Obvious much? It was obscene how happy he was at the thought of Roan’s beautiful ass waiting for him when he got home.

“My, my, don’t we look happy this morning.”

He could feel a blush creep up his face. Sometimes having a blond’s complexion was a pain. He looked up at his boss. “Good morning, Dr. Sweetheart.”

“Good morning back, oh cat who ate the canary. So are you going to tell me what put the grin on your face this morning?”

His face got hotter. “Sometime, maybe.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I see. Well, whatever it is, save some for me, ’cause I want to feel as good as you look.”

He almost choked. Jesus, what a thought. “I will, promise.”

“Actually I came to remind you about your sister’s fundraiser. Don’t forget you need a tux and a date.”

He got a little chill up his spine. The event and his date with Laney—how exactly was he going to describe that to Roan? “It’s all handled. Well, except for the tux part, but I know a place I can rent one.”

“Good. I hope whoever put that smile on your face is going with you to the red carpet event. Clearly, she’s earned it.” Chuckling, she walked away.

Jake stared after her. What would she say if she knew that the one who earned it was a he? And how was he going to tell the “he” in question that one who didn’t earn it was going to be his date next Saturday night?

Jake worked diligently all day, not even stopping for lunch, and then left on time for once. He was so distracted by thoughts of Roan and the sex they’d have tonight that when he hit his driveway, he barely remembered driving. Hmm, not the ideal DMV attitude.

When he walked in the door of his place, there was music playing, a couple of candles lit, and the most delicious smells emanating from the kitchen. Holy shit. He couldn’t catch his breath. He was coming home to sex, but this was something else entirely. There was somebody making a home for him—and that somebody was a man. He barely made it to the couch to sit down, where he stared into space. Was this really happening? A great roll in the hay? Cool. But clearly, Roan wanted more. And that was not okay, was it? That sounded like…permanent. Shiiit.

The soft, low voice interrupted his catatonia. “Jake, are you okay?”

Jake shook his head and looked up at the model. Jeans, a T-shirt, and an apron. Double shit! He gestured around at his shiny, clean, and entirely welcoming apartment that hadn’t been that way this morning. “I’ve never let anyone take care of me except my mom.” His voice sounded breathless. “I’ve never let a woman take care of me.”

Roan approached him slowly, like he didn’t want to freak out the tiger in his den. He knelt down in front of Jake and took his hands. “Well then, it’s a good thing I’m not a woman.”

Jake stared for another couple seconds into that gorgeous face and then burst out laughing. He grabbed his beautiful lover, pulling him half into his lap, and kissed him.

When they finally separated, Roan gave him a relieved look. “Thank God—I thought I was going to have to dump dinner and order pizza and beer to demonstrate my alpha male qualities.”

“Over my dead body. Dinner smells so good, I may have to eat it before I fuck you, and believe me, that takes some powerful motivation.”

“What?” Roan asked in mock horror. “Is domesticity already cutting into our sex life?”

Jake grabbed his face and stroked his tongue over Roan’s lips, making his lover moan. “Want me to fuck you right now? Right here?”

He got a shy smile in return. “I’ve gotta confess, I worked so hard on this dinner, I really do want you to eat it almost as much as I want you to eat me.”

Jake gave him a soft kiss. “And I’m starving, for both dinner and you. Thank you for doing all this.”

“You haven’t tasted it yet.”

“Doesn’t matter. I love that you did it for me.” He swatted Roan’s rock-hard ass, then tweaked his hard cock through the jeans. “Let me get cleaned up, ’cause clearly I’ve got serious eating to do tonight.”

Roan let him up, and he headed for the stairs, then turned. “Seriously, Roan. Thank you. I’m sorry I freaked.”

“It’s okay, baby. You never knew I was Martha Stewart in disguise.”

“Some disguise.” Jake headed upstairs. When he came back down dressed in his own jeans and T-shirt, he realized that if he wanted to freak out again, now was the time. His small dining-room table was not only decorated with flowers and candles but was set with beautiful dishes and flatware, none of which he owned. “Where did you get this?”

Roan looked up from his table setting and took a sudden interest in his hands. “I bought it. I thought you needed some new dishes and stuff.”

Jake faced his choices—take exception or appreciate it. “It’s beautiful.”

Roan beamed. Right choice.

Jake tried to help, but Roan wouldn’t have it, so he took a seat as his lover delivered serving plates of food. Jake inhaled deeply. “This is a feast. What’ve you made?”

Again, Roan beamed. Clearly he enjoyed being appreciated more for his cooking than his appearance. “It’s chicken cordon bleu, rice pilaf, and brussels sprouts ala Roan Black.” He poured some white wine that glistened in the long-stem glasses…that hadn’t been there this morning.

After Roan was seated, Jake dug in. The first bite took him well past divine. Jake was no gourmet, but he knew this food was extraordinary. The chicken managed to be both rich and light, with a tangy taste that just exploded in his mouth. After a sip of wine, he looked at Roan, whom he could tell was trying not to appear anxious. “Roan, I don’t know how to praise this food, it’s so amazing.”

“Like it?” He glowed.

“I love it.”

“Being a model and gourmet cook doesn’t really go together well. A lot of the time I hire a chef to make low-cal meals that are still healthy and decent-tasting. That way I don’t succumb to my own cooking.” He took another appreciative bite. “When I retire, I’ll open a restaurant and just get fat.”

“Really? Is that your plan?”

“Getting fat? Totally.” He struck a pose, sticking out his stomach that still looked flat as a board. “I hope you like men with meat on their bones.”

Jake got a little hitch in his breathing at the long-term sound of that but still smiled. “No, smart-ass, I mean do you plan to open a restaurant?”

“I’ve thought of it. Restaurants are tough business, but it might be fun. Angie keeps telling me I don’t need to think about it yet.”

After some quiet conversation and a lot of serious eating, Jake leaned back in his chair with hands clasped on his very full belly. “I could get used to this.” Cringe. Maybe not the best thing to say.

Roan began to grab up some dishes. “Don’t get too spoiled, Doc. I leave for Portugal tomorrow afternoon.”

What? Was that pain in his chest? “Portugal?”

“Yeah,” Roan called from the kitchen. “I’m shooting in the Algarve. Then I have an event to do, then I’m back.”

“When?” There was too much air in the question, and it came out a whisper.

“What?”

“When do you get back?”

Roan came in for more dishes. “Next Sunday, I imagine.”

Shit. He didn’t seem really upset about being gone—nine fucking days! Jake tried to keep his voice level. “Yeah, well that’s a long trip.”

Roan stopped, his hands full of dishes. “Does that mean you’ll miss me?”

“Don’t be coy. You know I’ll fucking miss you.” Jake wasn’t sure where the angry edge in his voice came from or who it was directed at.

The answer was soft and low. “Do I?”

Shit. Jake came out of his chair. Roan got the dishes back on the table just in time to avoid their crashing to the floor as Jake grabbed him and pushed his tongue deep into his lover’s mouth. When he finally pulled back, he gazed intently into those green eyes. “How can you doubt I want you?”

Roan caressed his face gently. “I don’t doubt you want sex, Jake. But me? I think the jury’s still out on that one.”

Jake knew it was true. He shouldn’t deny it. A denial would just get him deeper into a situation he wasn’t sure he could handle. But the idea of hurting Roan, and even more, the idea of being without him, of never looking into that beautiful, loving face again, gave him pains in the chest. It hurt so bad, it felt like bile in his throat. He shook his head once, then again and again. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know… Please, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t, Roan…”

Roan’s hands cradled his face. “Shhh, you’re not losing me, baby. It may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m hopelessly hooked. I’ll go to Portugal, and I’ll be back to fuck you and cook for you and keep on hoping you’re not going to rip my heart out.”

They just stared at each other for a few seconds, and then Jake grabbed Roan and dragged him the few steps into the living room. They tried to do everything at once—kiss, pull off clothes, rub their raging erections together. Somehow, Jake managed to get Roan’s jeans down and shoved him over the arm of the couch. “Don’t move.”

He took a couple steps over to an end table drawer where he’d stashed some lube and grabbed a small bottle. Squishing the cold gel into his hand, he pushed it into Roan’s beautiful ass with two fingers. Just the feel of his heat almost sent Jake over the edge. Obviously, his lover liked it too, because he moaned and shoved his butt back against Jake’s hand. Ripping down his own jeans, Jake pumped some gel onto his cock and slid the long, leaking rod into Roan. Oh shit, he felt so good.

Roan was chanting, “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me.” Jake did, pounding into him again and again, thinking he couldn’t ever get enough. He leaned over Roan’s back, whispering raggedly, “Every second you’re gone, I want you to think of this. Feel me in your ass and want me so bad you can’t breathe. Because that’s how bad I’m gonna want you.”

His hand wrapped around that lean body, and Jake grabbed the gorgeous cock. It was wet with precum, and Jake began to pump—hard. “Tell me. Tell me.”

“Only you, Jake. Fill me. God, fill me up. Come in me. Come in me.” Roan’s head flew back, black hair flying into Jake’s face as he howled, and he began to buck as his cum poured into Jake’s hand.

Jake felt like an animal, pumping and pounding doggy-style until his spine split in two with fire, and he screamed as his semen poured into that waiting ass. Roan, Roan, Roan.

* * *

The only good thing about Roan being gone was that Jake didn’t have to explain the coming event and his date. But he would have happily explained every date he’d ever had and every woman he’d ever fucked if he could just have Roan back sooner. He shook his head. Didn’t want to examine that feeling too closely.

“Here you go, Dr. Martin. I think it should fit perfectly.” The lady at the tux rental gave him a shy smile. “It was easy to fit you; you’re such a model size.” The words gave Jake a little clutch in the chest.

“Thanks so much.” He took the garment bag from her.

“I hope your sister’s event is a big success.”

“Yeah, I hope so too. Thank you again.”

He stepped out into the cold, gray Saturday morning with his garment bag and headed for his car. Once inside the old Volvo with his heater cranked, he grabbed his phone and texted Laney. Riding with my mom and dad (to be sure they don’t chicken out). Pick u up about 7:00. J.

Then he hit the key for Roan’s number. Is tomorrow really a month away? Feels like it. J.

Chapter Ten

He’d arrived at the grand event about thirty minutes ago with his parents and Laney—and grand it was. Outside the hotel, there had literally been a red carpet and lines of photographers and reporters waiting breathlessly for the celebrities expected to attend. Of course, celebrities come late, and Jake wanted to be there early to give Jenny moral support and to get some time with potential contributors before they got caught up in the arrival of the beautiful people. Naturally, the reporters had pretty much ignored them when they realized no one in their party was famous, but Laney and his mom had still enjoyed walking a real red carpet in their gowns. His dad, of course, had hated it.

The two women—his mom in a black gown Jake thought was positively glamorous and Laney in a pretty blue—immediately made a tour of the elegant ballroom, checking out the many gourmet food stations, the champagne bar, and the entertainment centers. One corner of the room had a sizable dance floor and a small orchestra playing, but it was far too early for many of the guests to single themselves out with a foxtrot. Jake wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to dance with Roan. Yeah, well, that wasn’t gonna happen.

Since the women were occupied and his dad was chatting with the chief of police, who he knew from downtown, Jake had decided to get to work. At the moment, he was in conversation with some important contributors to the charity, to whom Jenny had introduced him. He wanted to make a good impression, which meant he had to quit thinking of Roan and get his head on straight.

“Dr. Martin, Jenny tells me your research may have an impact on cancer.”

Jake smiled at the handsome, gray-haired woman whom he knew to be nearing ninety but looked at least twenty years younger. “Actually, the impact will be more in the treatment of diseases, particularly cancer. Different disease states have their own genetic signatures. If we can discover those, it helps determine the best course of treatment to achieve the best outcome.”

“And have you been successful?”

“I’m happy to say yes. We’re applying the initial findings in hospital studies and should have some results to publish soon.”

“Excellent. Please keep me informed.” She handed him a gold, engraved card, and he slipped it in his pocket.

A hand slipped through his, and he looked down into Jenny’s smiling face. All in lavender, she looked quite grand herself. “I thought you and Mrs. Edmunsen would be grand friends.”

The older woman laughed. “Oh, Jenny, you know I can’t resist a scientist, especially a handsome one.”

“Better look out.” Jenny cocked her head at him. “This one’s got an eye for the ladies.”

Jake winced a little but didn’t disagree. “Only the most beautiful ones.” It was an outrageous gesture, but he raised Mrs. Edmunsen’s hand and gave it a quick kiss. Clearly, she remembered gentler days and returned him a huge smile.

Jenny intervened. “May I steal him away to meet some of our other guests?”

“Yes, of course, but please remember to contact me, Doctor Martin, as soon as you have results.” She cradled her hand a little, seeming to savor the gesture.

“I promise.”

As they walked away, Jenny murmured, “You’ve made a serious conquest. If Mrs. Edmunsen likes your project, many others will too. She’s widely respected.”

“I liked her a lot. Thank you for introducing me.”

“Just doing my job, baby brother.”

He kissed her temple. “Without a hint of favoritism, I know.”

She led him over to where their parents and Laney were nibbling some hors d’oeuvres. Jake realized he’d never seen his dad so dressed up. The big, solid frame looked extremely handsome in a penguin suit. “Enjoying yourselves?” Jake tried not to laugh at his dad’s attempt to hide a frown. The big guy would clearly rather be home on the couch.

“Oh my God.”

Everyone looked at Laney.

“Oh my.” Jenny sounded like an echo.

All heads swiveled to Jenny, then followed her line of sight to the door.

Jake could hardly see for the camera flashes, both from paparazzi and guests who had pulled out their phone cameras to record the moment.

Standing in the doorway was Roan Black, and on his arm was a tall, spectacular woman with short, flaming-red hair.

For a moment, Jake couldn’t do anything but look. If he ever took the model’s beauty for granted, he would remember this moment. Even as amazing as the woman was, it was hard to look at anyone but the man. At least it was for Jake. The perfect black tuxedo dulled beside the ebony shine of that silken hair, and no white shirt could match the alabaster skin. Shit, Roan was magnificent.

Jake’s feelings penetrated the awe—in spades. Why was he here? Wasn’t he supposed to be in Portugal until tomorrow? And much more important, who the fuck was that woman?

His sister whispered like she was in church. “I’ve never seen him in person. Who would have dreamed he could be more beautiful than in pictures.”

His dad stepped closer. “Who is that?”

Jenny whispered back. “Roan Black, the supermodel, and his fiancée, Alexandra Shields. Excuse me, I have to go greet them.”

As his sister took off across the room, his mom continued. “Oh yes, I’ve seen him in magazines. My, he is lovely, isn’t he? And isn’t she amazing?”

Jake couldn’t hear. Fian-fucking-cée? Every cell contracted into a pit of screaming jealousy. Fiancée? Could it be true? He remembered the girls at the pool back in LA saying he’d been engaged to an actress or something. But why was she here—now? Was that where Roan had really been—with her in Portugal? Or with her anyplace?

He appraised the woman as Jenny led the supermodel and the woman across the room, pausing to let people greet them. Yeah, the redhead was pretty, if you liked your women tall and slim and boyish. Of course, it made sense that Roan would. In her heels, she matched his height. Her flaming red hair was cut short as a boy’s—a lot shorter than Roan’s—but with a dash of style that was all female. A gold dress clung to slender hips and long, coltish legs while the neckline plunged to her waist with a sort of Grecian draping. Her breasts were so small, the daring plunge looked elegant rather than sexy as it would on a larger-breasted woman.

But sexy she was. In fact, she reeked of it. Her carved face had the best of male and female like Roan’s, but hers was edgier. C’mon over here, Mister, it seemed to say. I’ll tie you up and tie you down. Next to Roan’s elegant beauty, she looked like a pagan goddess, and Jake couldn’t help imagining the two of them locked together in passion. He hated her. He despised her. He would have loathed her even more if his cock wasn’t so hard.

Shit. Jenny was bringing both of them straight to him, or to his family, more accurately. Jake knew the second Roan saw him. The dark eyes widened; his graceful walk faltered ever so slightly. Jake gave a tight smile. Feeling guilty, you green-eyed bitch? Jake could hardly get air into his lungs, his chest was so tight. He wasn’t sure whether to run, hide, or faint. Too late for decisions.

Jenny was smiling. “Mom, Dad, this is Alexandra Shields and Roan Black, two of our honored guests.” They shook hands all around. Jenny turned to him. Deer. Headlights.

“And this is my brother, Dr. Jake Martin.”

Roan was gazing at him, his expression inscrutable. The woman’s eyebrows rose—what did she know?

That silky voice Jake loved said, “Good to see you again, Jake. I had no idea Jenny was your sister.”

He extended his hand, and Jake took it automatically, only coming back to life when that familiar electricity snapped through his hand straight to his cock. “Good to see you too, Roan. What a coincidence.” Could Roan hear Jake’s teeth grinding together?

Roan looked pointedly at Laney and extended his hand. “Hello, I’m Roan Black.”

“Uh, sorry,” Jake stammered. “This is Maude Delaney. Laney, uh, my friend.”

Laney beamed at the gorgeous man now holding her hand. “I’m delighted, Mr. Black. I’m a big fan. I had no idea you knew Jake.”

Jenny stepped a little closer to Jake’s side. “Neither did I.” She sounded accusing.

Jake panicked. He was a crappy actor and simply had no idea what to say. The words “Roan and I are lovers” pressed against the back of his throat.

Roan’s soft baritone came to his rescue. “Jake and I met in Los Angeles in a hotel bar, where we were both escaping our pursuers.”

“Pursuers?” His mom looked way too interested.

Roan gave the famous smile, flashing the signature tooth. “Yes. I was trying to evade the paparazzi who were hounding me, and as I recall, Jake was escaping some overly zealous female scientist who was determined to experiment on him.”

Jake blushed full-on, and his dad laughed while his mother pretended outrage. “Jakey!”

“Yes,” Roan continued, “we commiserated with each other over a bit more alcohol than either of us is used to. But we enjoyed the company.”

Jake knew his blush had reached epic proportions at Roan’s double entendre.

The tall woman had never stopped staring at him. “So, you’re Jake.” The voice was surprisingly high for such a boyish woman and a bit breathless. It reminded Jake of Elizabeth Taylor in those old films. And her eyes were such a pale blue, they were almost white.

He took her offered hand. “Yes.” She didn’t let go.

“Beautiful.”

Jake tried not to blush again. Should he pull his hand away? He didn’t want to insult her. He’d have to adjust his tuxedo jacket, since the combined effects of Roan and this woman were making his pants very crowded.

“Oh, excuse me, Alexandra,” Roan said. “I didn’t mean to be rude, but I was so surprised to see Jake.” He focused the green eyes on Jake’s face. “Jake, this is my friend, Alexandra Shields.”

Jake felt all the eyes of his family on him. He forced a genial smile. “Jenny tells me you’re an actress, Miss Shields. Are you in town making a movie?”

Her grin was friendly, if a little predatory. “Negotiating one, actually. And call me Alex.”

“You don’t live here?” Jenny said.

“Paris.”

“Oh, that must be so hard for you two, having to maintain a long-distance relationship. Where will you live when you’re married?”

Jake felt his stomach hit his knees.

Alexandra’s eyes took on a wicked gleam. “Yes, Roan, where will we live when we’re married?”

Roan gave her an indecipherable glance, then smiled at Jenny. “Alex is just teasing me, Jenny. We ended our engagement a while back, partly for the very reasons you’re suggesting, but we’ve stayed close friends.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I should have known that.” She smiled shyly. “I’m really a big fan.”

Jake got to see the charm that endeared Roan to the fashion world as much as his beauty. He leaned in to Jenny. “There are far more interesting subjects in this world than my love life, and you’re at the heart of many of them. In truth, I’m the one who’s a fan of yours. Would you like to dance?”

Jake thought he might have to give Jenny CPR. He knew just how she felt.

Jenny didn’t giggle—except in the presence of Roan Black. “Yes, thank you, I’d love to.”

“And why don’t you dance with me, Jake?” The red-haired Amazon extended her hand. Jake glanced a bit helplessly at his dad, who winked, and then he looked at Laney.

“Please, Jake, go right ahead.” Her tone had a little edge to it, but he wasn’t sure how to escape his obvious fate.

“All right. Laney, will you save me the next dance?”

That got more of a smile. “Sure, Jake.”

Taking the redhead’s hand, he walked to the dance floor.

Jake was a decent dancer, but his recent dancing experience had only included a six-foot alpha male whose cock stabbed into his abdomen. Alexandra wasn’t all that different—except for the cock part. About six feet tall in her heels, her body under the slip of a gown was strong and lean with only a hint of the soft roundness Jake associated with femininity. She also smelled heavenly. No perfume, just some sweet almondy scent that wafted around Jake like a cloud.

Even with that tall body pressed tight against him, Jake still had a couple inches on her. She tilted her head up and whispered in his ear, “So you’re my lover’s lover.”

Torn. Should he strangle her or throw her on the ground and fuck her? She had a powerful magnetism; he’d give her that. “In what way is he your lover?” He could hear the anger in his own voice.

“Jealous, lover?”

“Should I be?”

She gave him a steady stare with those ice blue eyes. “Actually, no.”

“Does that mean you’re not his lover?”

“No, it doesn’t mean that. It simply means that the boy is crazy about you.”

Jake felt himself tense. Of course, she felt it too and gave him a cool stare. “I hope you can handle that, lover boy, because nobody gets to hurt Roan with me around.”

He stared her down for a minute, but she didn’t waver, and he was the first to look away. “I’m trying, really, but this is all new to me.”

“He said you’ve always been straight.”

“Yeah.”

She nodded her head to where they’d left Laney with his parents. “Who’s the little ingénue?”

“Just a friend.”

“You fucking her?”

“No!”

She laughed. “A little defensive, are we? You using her for cover?”

“No! I just needed a date for this shindig, and I thought of her. What about you? Aren’t you with Roan to promulgate the fiction that he’s straight?”

“Partly. But I was in town, and we always get together when I’m here or he’s in Paris. My trip just happened to coincide with this event he was committed to attend, so I came with him.”

Jake gritted his teeth. “You always get together? Why? To fuck?” He could feel his hands tightening on her.

She pressed her body tight against him and whispered in his ear. “Yes, to fuck. And to suck, and to do everything a man and a woman can do together. Do you hate it that your boyfriend likes girls too, just like you do?”

“Yes. I…hate…it.”

She pulled back and looked at him. “Wow, you really are jealous, aren’t you? My beautiful boy really gets you going.” She ground her hips against him. “I can feel how hard you are.”

She was right. He wanted to hate her, but she was so damned sexy, and the fact that she loved and defended Roan jumbled them together in his hormone-clouded mind. “Yeah.”

She leaned into him again. “Don’t you love that gorgeous, huge cock of Roan’s?”

Jake could barely breathe. “Yeah.”

She was whispering directly into his ear, the breath sending goose bumps down his arms and shocks to his balls. “It doesn’t hurt you when he pushes that huge dick into your ass?”

Jake tensed at the question. Alex leaned back to look at his face. “I see. You’re a top.” Then she snuggled back against him and resumed her breathy whisper. “That makes sense, I guess. You’re mostly straight, and he’s really submissive. He loves to take it in the ass.” Her hips pressed into his. “But don’t forget, pretty boy, he still loves to fuck. You gotta let him do it to you some, or he won’t be satisfied. Let him stick that cock in. I can tell you firsthand, Jake, it’s a treat you just can’t miss.”

Too much. Jake’s breath was ragged, and he was about to ruin his tux trousers with a gallon of cum.

She pressed harder so she was practically riding his erection, and he was too far gone to care who was watching. “You love that idea, don’t you, baby? Or is it me turning you on? C’mon, Jake. Tell me the truth. Is it just the idea of Roan fucking you making you rock hard, or does little Alex get your juices flowing too?”

“Shit!” Jake broke away from her and hurried toward the men’s room. Her laughter followed him through the crowd. He rushed down an endless hall and pushed the door marked MEN. He entered a stall and had his cock in his hand before the door was even closed. Two hard pumps, and he started squirting semen into the toilet bowl. Oh shit, he was so turned on. How was he going to make it through this evening?

He heard the door to the men’s room open, then a soft call. “Jake?”

Thank God. Roan. He wouldn’t have put it past Alex to follow him. “Here. Be out in a second.”

Jake wiped himself off and zipped up. He cleaned a little cum that had dropped on the toilet rim, then exited. Roan was standing beside the sink. There was another man washing his hands, so Jake forced himself to look casual.

“You okay?” Roan asked.

“Yeah. Just had to pee.” He glanced at the guy next to him, who was drying his hands. Jake washed and said nothing until the guy left. A quick look around showed they were alone.

Roan leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Jake wanted to grab him. His lover smiled. “Was Alex tormenting you?”

“Oh yeah.” He glanced at the closed door. “I just filled the john with cum.”

Roan laughed. “She’s good at it, isn’t she?” His eyes softened. “Does she turn you on?”

Jake tried not to look away but didn’t succeed. “She was talking about you and me fucking.”

He lifted Jake’s face to his with one finger. “Does she turn you on?”

“Yeah.”

The fingers moved into a caress. “It’s okay, baby. She does it to me too.”

Jake pulled back. “Is that why you didn’t tell me about her? About being with her here?”

Roan cocked his head. “Jake, Alex and I have been friends for years. As you heard, we were even engaged. I’ve been committed to this event for months. I had no idea Jenny was your sister, or that you’d be here, and I didn’t plan to bring Alex until she called last week and said she’d be in town. This is just another event for me. I had no reason to tell you any more than you told me about your little girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Another man walked into the bathroom, and Roan grabbed Jake’s arm and propelled him toward the door. They exited, and Roan led him to a small quiet corner beyond the house phones.

“Do you love her?” Jake hissed, as if they hadn’t been interrupted.

“No, but I’m fond of her, and she is of me.”

“But you fuck her?” Jake heard the plea in his own voice. God, he hardly recognized himself in this needy stranger, but he couldn’t seem to get himself under control.

“Yes. We’ve always had great sex. That’s what kept us together for the better part of a year. Alex is bisexual, or as she calls it, omnisexual. Her current lover is a woman, and they’re very happy together.”

“Does she want you to fuck her tonight?” Roan had to lean in to hear Jake’s whisper.

“I’m sure she does.”

“Are you going to?” Jake stared at his hands like they had the answers.

Roan paused, then asked, “Are you going to fuck the girl you’re with tonight?”

Jake shook his head. “No, we’re not lovers. Answer me. Are you?” He looked up into the green eyes. “Are you going to fuck her?”

“Are you asking me not to?”

Jake threw his hands up and half turned to the wall. “Shit, I don’t know what I’m asking.”

Roan leaned in toward his ear. “If you were with her, would you fuck her?”

Jake thought and finally said the truth. “Probably. I wanted to throw her down on the floor and hammer her back there.”

Roan licked the outside of Jake’s ear. The soft, deep voice vibrated in Jake’s head. “Then why don’t we both fuck her?”

Jake looked up sharply into his lover’s face. Was he serious? Was this another test? And if so, which way did Roan want him to reply? “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say yes.”

“Really? You want to share?”

“I already share you with one woman, Jake.”

The unspoken completion of the sentence was that Jake could now share Roan with a woman too.

“I have a date. I have to meet some more contributors.”

“Alex has a suite upstairs.” Roan slipped a key card into Jake’s pocket. “We’ll be there. I want you to come. It’s up to you.” Then he turned and walked back into the ballroom.

Chapter Eleven

Some date he was. Jake stood pressed against the wall in the hall, listening to the music from the ballroom and staring into space, vaguely aware of a few people walking by. He’d promised Laney a dance and then disappeared. But shit, he had a few things on his mind. He’d just been invited into a ménage à trois by his male lover. The idea was just mind-splitting. He, Jacob Martin, reasonably smart, sensible, and straight scientist, was fucking a man and seriously considering joining that man in bed with a woman. At least the woman part made some sense.

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. Yeah. He’d just proved he could still get it up for a woman. Thank God! His cock was a steel rod under his tux jacket. Okay. Be honest. What really got him going was the idea of Roan fucking Alex. Images of his lover’s cock pushing into that man-eater flashed through his mind. Oh—my—God. A soft moan escaped him. His eyes flew open. Making a spectacle here.

Jesus. He should run. Out of this hotel and straight home, where he could lock the damned doors and contemplate his fucking life until he had it under control. Sigh. No such luck. There was work to do and appearances to keep up. He pushed himself away from the wall, adjusted the tux over his deflating erection, and propelled himself into the ballroom.

The party was in full swing, couples crowded the dance floor, and the band played some moderately upbeat number designed to not test the hipness of the moneyed set. He peered through the crowd and spotted Laney laughing with his sister. Time to get the job done. He skirted the dance floor and walked up to the two laughing women.

“Hi, you two.” He smiled as he stepped up beside Laney. “I’m so sorry for disappearing.”

Jenny smiled. “Where’ve you been?”

“I had to go to the men’s room and then got caught up in a conversation.” He extended a hand to Laney. “I think I owe you a dance.”

She gave him a decidedly appraising stare, then smiled. “Well, I’m not sure it’s actually a debt, but if you want to dance, I’d be happy to accompany you.”

Ooohkay. He totally deserved the edge in her voice. “Excuse us, Jenny.”

“No problem. Go have fun. I’ve got a million things to do to make sure our VIPs are taken care of. See you two later.”

They moved to the dance floor, where the music had slowed—thank God. He hadn’t kept up on his fast dance steps.

They danced quietly for a minute. After Alex’s potent and blatant sexuality, Laney was positively restful. She might not consider that a compliment.

Suddenly she looked up at him. “So, is that the woman you’re in love with?”

He pulled back like she’d hit him. “Alex? Shit, no. I just met her.”

Her stare was steady. “I didn’t think so.”

“What?”

“The woman. You look at her like you want to eat her, but not with love.”

Jesus, was he that obvious?

She kept gazing up at him, and he tried to hold her stare without flinching.

“It’s the man, isn’t it? You’re in love with that gorgeous man?”

His body bucked in reaction. “No!”

She just kept staring at him. “You’re telling me you and that man aren’t lovers?”

Okay, he’d lost. He looked away. “Why would you think that?”

“Oh, maybe because when he walked in, you looked like someone had finally turned on the sun.”

“Well shit, he’s beautiful.”

“Yes.” Pause. “And that’s all? You just like the way he looks?” Never had a voice sounded so skeptical.

He stared into her chocolate brown eyes, then looked away. “Okay, we fuck.

I mean, we have a physical relationship.” So this was what it felt like. Admitting to fucking Roan to someone in his world. Someone who wasn’t his gay brother. Painful, but not fatal.

She gave him a little shake. “Jake, for crap’s sake, this is the twenty-first century. Why didn’t you think you could tell me you’re gay?” She gave a little smirk. “It’s not like I didn’t give you lots of openings with my lectures on Alexander the Great.”

The music changed to something upbeat, and he led her off the dance floor to a small table and pulled a chair for her. When he sat, he took a deep breath. “Look, I can’t really explain this to you because I can’t explain it to myself. I’ve always been with women, and like I told you, there’s a woman I really care about. But Roan… I don’t know. Since I first saw him, I just kind of lost my senses. I can’t seem to stay away from him.”

“So you’re bisexual. What’s the prob?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think my university would think so highly of my fuck-buddy.”

“No way, that’s discrimination.”

“Sure, but people get bad performance reviews all the time for less, plus Roan’s a superstar. Someone’s sure to find out, and then my boss would know and—”

“She’s the one, right? She’s the one you dream about.”

He stared at an empty wineglass on the table. “Yeah.”

“Does Roan know?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Your love life is so complicated, it makes my lack of love life seem positively restful.”

He grinned. “You have no idea.”

“I hope you won’t take this wrong, but I wish I could see you and Roan have sex. Want to do a video?”

“What?”

“You’re both so damned beautiful. The idea of the two of you naked and sweaty gives me cold chills.”

“Laney, you little pervert.” He laughed.

“So what am I tonight, your fag hag?”

“What?”

She laughed. “A woman who hangs out with a gay man to help him look straight.”

“No! I mean, I wasn’t kidding when I said I like your company.”

“So who’s the bitch goddess? And what’s she doing with your man?”

“Yeah, that’s the question. Actually, she was engaged to him at one time, and they’ve stayed friends.”

“And lovers, from the look of it.”

Jake sighed. “Yeah.”

“So he’s bisexual too?”

“Laney, I’m straight, really. But I’ve never seen Roan look at a woman at all before, much less the way he looks at Alex.”

“And this is a problem for you?”

“No!” Her skepticism was back in full. “Yeah, well, maybe.”

“So why is he with her and you with me tonight? Is this some exercise in sadism or what?”

“No. Believe it or not, neither of us knew the other one would be here.”

She chuckled and shook a finger at him. “So, you were cheating on each other and got caught, huh?”

“No, we’re not exactly committed to each other.”

Laney looked surprised. “Really? Jeez, he looks at you like you hung the moon.”

Okay, that made him squirm.

“And like I said, you didn’t exactly look unhappy to see him either, Jake.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“Look, I kind of figured this thing out a bit while you were dancing with the redheaded ice queen. I’ve made arrangements to go home with your folks, so you can stay here and work things out with your guy, okay?”

His breath caught. “What did you say to them?”

Her gaze turned appraising. “You really are uncomfortable with this, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess. With good reason.”

She made a face at him. “I said you had work to do, and I needed to get back. That’s what I said, Mr. Hyde-in-the-Closet. What I thought was this looks like a pretty promising relationship to me, and I don’t think you should leave the field to the bitch, even for one night.”

“Laney, you don’t have to do that.”

He got that straight gaze again. “So, you’d rather drive me home to Brooklyn?” A smirk hovered at the corners of her mouth.

Okay, here it was. Choose, straight boy. A nice drive with a pretty girl and maybe some making out on the couch or seeing Roan naked, fucking a woman? “I should stay here and…work.”

Her rich, throaty laugh attracted a few stares from people at other tables. “Yeah, baby, do a little work for me too.”

Shit, how soon could he get upstairs?

* * *

Damn, he had to get out of this ballroom. He tried to concentrate on the high-profile guests Jenny was introducing him to, but his head filled with images of what Roan and Alex had been doing—for the last forty-five fucking minutes! Yeah, fucking minutes was very likely right on. Or maybe oral sex. Roan said he loved to eat pussy. Was that on the menu? Was that redheaded bitch sucking that beautiful cock?

Laney was gone. His folks had totally bought her story, bless her, and they’d taken her back to Brooklyn with them, ostensibly so she could work on her dissertation. If he could just get Jenny to stop introducing him to more and more people, he’d be home free. He’d done a good job. Worked hard. Em would be proud. Now it was his turn.

He looked around and saw Jenny separating another potential contributor from the herd. He moved quickly through the crowd and grabbed her shoulder, whispering in her ear, “Sweetie, I’m beat. Done for the night. Thank you so darn much.”

She looked a little surprised but turned to him with a hug. “Hey, I got it, kiddo. Give me a chance, and I’ll run you ragged. Get out of here and get some rest.”

Rest. Not likely. “Thanks again, Jenny-bean. Em’s going to be so happy and grateful too. I’ll call you soon.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah. Honest. Bye, sweetie.” He kissed her cheek and headed through the thinning crowd to the entrance to the ballroom. Out in the hall, he identified the direction of the elevators and walked to them as fast as decorum allowed, punching the Up button like it was a defibrillator and would get his heart started beating again. Floor sixteen, suite 1625. Floor sixteen, suite 1625. Finally, the damned elevator showed up, and he leaped in and pushed the Close button, leaving a couple of expectant boarders with their mouths hanging open. Floor sixteen, suite 1625.

Ding. Happy sound. He got off the elevator and headed in the direction the wall arrows indicated. 1621. 1623. 16—. He stopped dead and leaned against the wall. This was it. Almost as confronting as when he’d gone to Roan’s condo that first time. That time he’d known if he walked through that door, he’d have sex with a man. This time? Shit, let’s step way outside the boundaries of polite society. But his cock knew what it wanted, even if he didn’t. It throbbed at just the thought of what lay behind those double doors. If he walked away, he knew he’d always regret it. He faced the door, inserted the key card, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open.

No steamy sex scene. Just a dramatic entry hall with a center table that boasted a huge arrangement of flowers. He moved slowly down the hall into the suite. He glanced at a gorgeous view of the water and lights through a wall of glass but didn’t really give a damn. Where was Roan? A soft moan turned him around, and he saw the light shining through a partially closed door. He walked slowly to the door and pushed it open.

Now this view he could get off on.

On the huge bed in the middle of the room, Roan was bent over Alex’s lean, bare body, his huge cock pumping slowly in and out of her pussy, doggy-style.

Jake gasped and literally grabbed his own cock. In his life, he’d never seen anything so erotic as his very gay lover fucking a woman. That beautiful body was completely nude, hard back rippling, head thrown back with eyes closed as he concentrated on thrusting that huge phallus into her and pulling it out. In and out. In and out.

“Shit, Jake, it took you long enough.” Alex’s voice was strained and breathy.

Beyond speech. Medusa couldn’t have turned him more to stone than watching that man fuck. Roan never opened his eyes. He just kept pumping.

Alex was gasping. “Jake, get the fuck over here. I’ve come three times, but Roan is not going to come until you’re in him; it’s just that simple. So get that cock out, baby, and go to work.”

Okay, that was the right invitation. Jake ripped off his bow tie and hauled the tux jacket down his arms. With a careless throw toward the chair, he started pulling off his shoes and pants, his eyes riveted on Roan’s flexing ass. When he was naked, his erection stood so hard against his body it was painful. He gasped. “Where’s the lube?”

“End table. There.” Alex motioned as her butt continued to take the hammering Roan was giving.

Jake grabbed the lube, swiped some on his cock, knelt on the bed, and began to push into Roan’s tight ass with two fingers as the model leaned farther over Alex’s back to accommodate him. When Jake’s fingers entered Roan’s ass, the man began a soft keening sound. Jake pulled his fingers out and grabbed his cock. Positioning the dripping head against Roan’s shining hole, he pushed, and the keening became a wail. “Jake…yes…yes.”

In to the balls. The pressure on Roan must have pushed him harder into Alex, who cried out, and then Roan simply took over pushing back onto Jake’s cock and forward into Alex’s vagina. He’d lost his dirty talk; just grunted and moaned each time he pushed and pulled. Jake knew the man desperately needed to come, and he hammered into him until Roan exploded, screaming, “Yes, yes, yes!”

Alex shrieked, “Jesus, Roan! Come in me, darling. Come!”

Shit! A flash of jealousy ripped through Jake, stopping his orgasm, like two fires burning each other out. Roan kept shuddering and bucking, pouring cum into Alex’s body. He leaned his head back, grabbed Jake’s head, and kissed him passionately. “Only for you, my love,” he whispered. Then he began to pull his slightly softened cock out of Alex. “Finish her, Jake. Fuck her. Let me watch.”

Jake shook his head, fighting the lust that filled him at the idea. Not the redheaded bitch. Roan extended a condom pack. “Do it. You want to. Do it. You’ll love it. I’m right here. You’re going to drive me crazy watching you fuck her. Do it, Jake. Do it.”

Jake snapped. Grabbing the condom, he rolled it on, and in one dive, he turned Alex over onto her back and pushed his throbbing cock into her very wet pussy. Yeah, wet with Roan’s cum. The idea inflamed him.

“Shiiiit,” she screamed. For a moment, Jake thought he’d hurt her and had to wonder if he cared, when she began screaming, “Fuck me, Jake! Let him see. Do it for Roan, baby. Oh shit, Roan, he’s so hot.”

Roan lay on the bed beside her, “Isn’t he amazing? God, I love his cock in me.”

“Oh, me too, darling, me too.”

Jake lost it. A fucking machine. He knew his lover was watching. This made Roan happy. Hell, this made Jake happy. He hadn’t felt this wild for a woman in years. It was Roan that made the difference. “Baby,” he moaned. “Give me your cock.”

He could see Roan was hard as steel again watching him fuck Alex. The beauty jumped to his knees, straddled Alex’s head, and guided his huge dick toward Jake’s mouth. Jake licked and licked around the big head as he hammered Alex’s pussy. Then he grabbed the mushroom top with his lips and sucked as much of the monster cock into his throat as he could get.

“Oh Jesus,” Alex moaned. “I’ve never seen two men suck cock. Oh fuck, it’s so beautiful.”

Roan thrust hard into Jake’s mouth. “Baby, it feels beautiful. Oh God, Jake, I want to come in your mouth. Do you want me to, baby?”

He couldn’t talk, so he just sucked harder, trying to take as much as the man delivered. Roan was more than a mouthful, and Jake was barely past his amateur cock-sucking status, but he tried not to gag on the huge rod. Alex’s pussy felt hot and soft. It wrapped his cock like a velvet glove. He had to admit he missed the tightness of Roan’s ass, but this pussy was special. Sucking Roan made the whole thing insanely sexy. Propped up on his straightened arms, he tried to force as much of the cock into his throat as physics allowed.

He was close. Oh shit, he was gonna have to come soon. This was just too great. Then Alex began whimpering, “Oh God, you guys. I’m gonna come again. Oh shit, I’m gonna—” She made a deep moaning sound, and Jake felt her body trembling. The contractions of her vagina pushed the last button, and Jake felt semen rising up like liquid fire from his balls. In response, he sucked as hard as he could on the cock in his mouth. Roan thrust hard and then threw his head back, eyes shut tight, and Jake felt the first splash of semen in his mouth. “Oh God, Jake, I love you so much.”

No! Cum pumped from his cock into the condom, but it felt like ice. He wanted to stop! Roan’s cum soaked the back of his throat. Jake gagged and swallowed. No. Not love. No. Pleasure ripped him apart. No. Roan collapsed half on top of him, forcing him down on Alex. No. Get out. No love. No. Caught between a woman he barely knew and a man he didn’t—couldn’t—love. He could practically see the endorphins and hormones flowing though his body, soothing him, bonding him—trapping him. He was not in love with a man. No. I have to get out of here!

He pushed against Roan, who moaned softly and rolled to the side. Ripping his softened cock from Alex, Jake maneuvered himself to the side of the bed and pulled off the condom, tying it and tossing toward the wastebasket.

Roan’s hand caressed his naked back. “Hey, baby. Rest a little. C’mon.”

Jake jumped up. “No, gotta go. Just realized my family expects me. Laney—gotta go.” He grabbed for his underwear and trousers and started pulling them on.

Behind him, Roan’s silky voice sounded confused. “Jake?”

Jake couldn’t look at him. He just kept dressing. “Sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have—I mean, I’ll go and call you later. Okay?” In his ears, his voice sounded breathy.

“Don’t go, Jake. Let’s talk about this. I know you’re freaked. I can feel it. C’mon, stay.”

Alex’s throaty contralto chimed in. “Yeah, Jake. Stay. I can go get another room. You two can talk.”

Two? Shit, no. No two. He and Roan were not a two. “No, really, I gotta leave. I’ll call, okay?” He looked over his shoulder. Big mistake. Roan knelt on the bed, almost in supplication, alabaster skin glowing, beautiful cock hanging, his face a mask of hurt and confusion. Alex stretched out beside him, her slim, boyish body half covered by the sheet. Jake saw green. Crazy! How could he be jealous over a man he didn’t want? How could he hurt a man he did want?

Outta here. His shirt already on, he shoved his feet into the shoes, minus socks, and grabbed his jacket. “Gotta go.” He didn’t look back again.

Chapter Twelve

Gotta go to work. Gotta go to work. Jake sat on the edge of his couch, the one Jenny called “serviceable.” Yeah, and it wasn’t very comfortable either. He knew he was rocking back and forth, arms wrapped around himself, but he couldn’t stop. He must look blind. He felt blind.

What the fuck had he thought? He could just have sex with Roan and not get involved? Not have Roan get involved? Love and family were everything to Roan. Jake knew the model would trade all the money and fame he’d acquired just to have someone he loved to come home to. And Jake had led him on. Let him believe he could be that guy, just so he wouldn’t lose Roan’s beautiful ass.

Jake rocked back so hard he banged the couch against the wall. No, that wasn’t the truth. He cared about Roan. Admired him, respected his intelligence and integrity. But love? No. Jake loved women—no, he loved Em. He fisted his shaggy hair. He’d tell her. He’d confess his feelings. Maybe the looks she gave him sometimes really were more than friendship? Maybe he could have her? She’d never want some mixed-up guy who couldn’t figure out his sexuality or his feelings. Jesus, she wouldn’t even want to employ that mixed-up bastard. But if he got his shit together, maybe he could have Em.

He pulled his hands down and stared at them. Have Em—and never see Roan again. His hand crept up and touched the wet on his cheeks. Oh Jesus, he was so fucked.

* * *

Jake stared at the computer. He’d been doing a lot of that lately. Around him he heard the key strikes of his fellow researchers—researchers working a lot harder than he was. He tried to make up at night what he couldn’t seem to get done during the day. Four days, actually. Despite his resolve, he’d never said a word to Em. A wise man once said, “That about which you’re unsure, put off as long as possible.” He just wasn’t sure. Every time he thought about speaking to her, the words stuck like pins in his throat. Was he scared? Sure. At least now he had her friendship and their professional relationship, but if he confessed his feelings, he could lose it all.

And he’d lose Roan. Yeah, he had to admit that too. The thought ripped him in two and made tears pool behind his eyes. Jeez, he was a fucking pussy. Of course, he’d probably lost him already. Roan had called again and again, but Jake never answered. He didn’t know what to say.

He realized his fingers were resting on the keyboard, but nothing was happening.

“Jake.”

He jumped and looked up into Em’s face. His cheeks heated. Guilty much? “Hi, boss.”

“That’s Doctor Boss.”

He smiled but just wasn’t up to the banter.

She stared at him a moment, and he noticed strands of her auburn hair were escaping her usual ponytail. Probably pulling her hair because he was leaving her with so much work to do.

“Jake, come get a cup of coffee with me.”

Oh, not good. “Uh, anything on your mind, boss?”

“Yes, come on.”

She turned and started threading through the desks toward the break room at the back of the lab. With no other options, he followed. Once inside the cramped room with its Formica table and assorted vending machines, she closed the door. Anyone who closed the break room door sent a signal to the rest of the lab rats that there was a private conversation going on inside, and the rest of them should go get their coffee from the cafeteria. People didn’t take advantage of the privilege often, so it was sacrosanct. Especially when the door-closer was Dr. Emmaline Silvay, the boss.

She cranked two coffees out of the vending machine, putting cream in his the way he liked it. She gestured to the table, and they both sat. His Diane Lane lookalike, his boss, his fantasy.

She took a sip. “Jake, you need some time off?” It was half question, half declarative sentence.

He decided to take the question part. “No. I don’t need time off. What would I do? Shit, we’ve got tons of work—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “You have something you want to tell me?”

He stared into the chocolate eyes. This was the moment. He could declare his feelings. Let the chips fall. At least he’d know. Choose, dammit. Choose. “No.”

She stared a bit more, then shook her head. “Okay. I know you’re deeply troubled about something. I have no right to ask you what it is, but you know I’m here to listen if you need me.”

He started to answer, and she interrupted. “Is everyone in your family okay?”

“Yes.”

“Are you in love?”

He just stared at her, opened his mouth, and nothing came out.

She shook her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. That’s your business. But, Jake, you’ve got to choose.”

Ice went down his spine. What did she know?

“You can deal with whatever is shutting you down and become productive again, or you can take time away and get your shit together. You’re no good to anyone like this.”

“Are you firing me?” He could barely say the words.

The frown creased her forehead. “Did you hear me say a word about firing you, Jake Martin? Jeez, who do you think I am? I do not kick a friend when he’s down, and I don’t plan to lose the best thing that ever happened to this research team. But you are stuck, my friend. I’ve watched you sit in catatonia for the last week. Sometimes the only way to get out of a stuck situation is to just do something—anything—but move on. Make whatever choices you have to make, take a trip, get drunk, or close yourself in a closet if you need to, but get on with it. Stuck doesn’t become you. Go home. Have a weekend.” She got up and started toward the closed door. “I better open this before Xuan and Jeremy have a caffeine attack.” She turned back. “Go home. Now, please.” She walked out. He’d been dismissed.

Sitting in his car in the parking lot of the university an hour later, Jake didn’t know where to go. Jesus, that was how stuck he was. Couldn’t even navigate a simple trip to his apartment. He had a whole weekend plus a Friday night. He hadn’t had that much time to himself since he’d started working for Em, and he didn’t know what to do with it. How does a stuck man get unstuck? Em said he had to choose, but what was he choosing? Between being gay or straight? Between Em and Roan? Those choices felt artificial; he couldn’t choose. There were too many “buts” and “ifs” to be that black-and-white, and he was the master of black-and-white.

For so long, he’d harbored this silly secret vision. He and Em, working side by side until the day she realized that they were partners in every way, and they married and lived happily ever after in genetic heaven. God, he was an idiot. More likely, he’d moon over her in unrequited love until he died an old bachelor. But what if his dream came true? Green eyes flashed across his mind. Nothing in his love life had worked for years—until he met Roan. Even sex with a woman had been great for the first time in ages because Roan was there. It was a freaky question, but could he have great sex with anyone without Roan? Shit, there was some serious self-doubt.

Jake shook himself and turned the key in the ignition.

His cell phone rang.

Putting the car back in neutral, he looked at the caller ID. Not Roan, as he’d thought, but his mom. He hit the button. “Hi, Mom.”

“Jakey?” The voice was tight. Scared? Mad?

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Cal. He’s holed up somewhere raging drunk and says only you can come to his rescue.”

Ah yes. Both scared and mad. “What’s up with baby brother?”

Now she sounded pissed. “I have no idea. He won’t tell me. Says he’ll only talk to you. I must say, I had no idea you two boys were so close.”

Jake sighed. “It’s complicated, Mom.”

She made a snorting sound.

“Where is the runt?”

“He said you would know.” Worry overcame the anger. “Do you, Jakey? Do you know where he is?”

Jake leaned his head against the back of his seat. “Yeah, Mom. I know. Don’t worry. I’ll rescue the fair maiden.”

“Bring him here, Jake. And plan on staying. I suspect Caleb will need your help, and I want to see you.”

Oh really? She didn’t necessarily mean anything portentous by that remark. She always liked seeing her kids. “Okay, Mom. Get his bed ready. I imagine he’ll need it. See you in a while.” He disconnected.

He glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. Funny. He hadn’t known what to do with this weekend. It looked pretty damned decided to him. Was it a sign—or just more stuck bullshit?

Chapter Thirteen

Déjà vu all over again. Jake walked toward the Blue Flamingo, flapping his arms against the cold. It was early, but the parking lot was packed for happy hour, so he’d had to circle until somebody pulled out at the far end of the lot. Music blared louder and softer as patrons entered and exited the front door.

All the way over, he’d tried to think about Cal and figure out what his problem might be. No use. “I love you so much. I love you so much.” Roan’s soft voice bounced around in his brain over and over. Why did the idea terrify him so much? He’d never thought of himself as a commitment-phobe. His obsession with Em had consumed him for so long, it made him feel faithful. Until Roan. Roan. Roan.

He reached for the door handle and jumped out of the way as a couple guys pushed out the door. Oh yeah. Gay bar. Did he belong here? Whatever. He had the runt to rescue. He grabbed the door and stepped inside.

His senses were assaulted with music, heat, and the smell of booze, candle wax, and warm guys. Men stood body to body in two rows at the bar, every table and booth was jammed, and a few guys were getting an early start on some Friday night sex on the dance floor.

Jake got bumped by a warm body and recognized the young waiter who’d served them when he was here with Cal. He grabbed the guy’s arm. “I’m looking for my brother…for Caleb.”

The guy—Hal, was it?—gave him a sweet smile, then rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah. The boy is seriously wasted. Check the back booth. A couple guys are trying to take care of him.” He had to yell over the general noise.

Jake leaned in close to be heard. “Thanks, uh, Hal, I’ll find him.” He threaded through the crowd and spied Caleb half sprawled across a table, his head on his arm, in the same booth the two of them had been in. Two guys—one of them Joe Jack, the big man Jake had danced with—flanked Cal, preventing his escape from the booth.

Oh yeah, it only took a glance to know the boy was a mess. Jake nodded at the two babysitters and leaned over the table so he could be heard through the noise and drunkenness. “Hey, baby brother.”

Cal looked up but had trouble focusing. “Jake? Z’at you, bro? I knew you’d come get me. I told Mom. He’s my brother; he won’t leave me. He knows that I love… Oh shit.” He put his head back on his arm.

Joe Jack stood and put his big hands under Caleb’s arm. Though he was half a head shorter, the bulging muscles had some effect. “C’mon, Cal, let’s get you up.”

“Nope.” He shook his head and pulled back hard. When Cal put muscle into it, there wasn’t much chance of winning. “Not goin’ yet. Wanna talk to my bro.”

Jake leaned down and pushed some of the brown-gold hair out of Cal’s eyes. “C’mon, runt, we can talk in the car. We need to get you home. Mom’s really worried.”

“Nope. Gotta talk now.”

Faced with about 225 pounds of recalcitrant brother, Jake looked at Joe Jack and shrugged.

The big blond smiled. “I’ll go get you a drink to pull you through this.”

“Thanks. Just a beer will be great.”

Joe Jack headed to the bar, and Jake settled in his spot in the booth. The guy on the other side of Cal, a nice-looking prep in a business suit, was already sliding out. Jake didn’t know him but smiled. “Thanks for helping take care of him.”

The guy nodded. “My pleasure. He’s a good kid.”

“Yeah.”

Cal raised his head. “Thash me. Good kid. Tell Charlie that…” Head to arms again.

Jake shrugged toward the preppy guy, and he chuckled and walked into the crowd. Cal turned his face toward Jake but didn’t raise his head. “Hi.”

“Okay, baby bro. It’s your dime. What the fuck is going on?”

“Charlie…” His face turned onto the arms again.

“Yeah, okay, so Charlie what? C’mon, Cal, I can’t hear you with your face buried. Sit up and talk to me.”

Cal sat up suddenly, looking a bit less drunk, and focused his bloodshot eyes on Jake. “He left me.”

“Okay, I kind of figured that. What happened? Another guy?”

“No.” Cal started shaking his head, and his eyes closed. “My fault. All my fault.”

Somebody turned up the music, which caused the whole noise level in the room to rise. Jake tried to speak over it. “How was it your fault, Cal?”

Words tumbled from him, and Jake leaned in to hear. “He says I’m ashamed of him. Says I don’t love him. Just ’cause I won’t introdush him to Mom and Dad or my coach. Tried to tell him it’s complicated, but he says he’s sick of being some assh I fuck. Oh, Jakey, I fucked it up.” The head dropped again.

Straight to the heart. Some ass to fuck. That was just how Roan must feel right now. Jake tried to focus on the big kid. “Did you tell him how you feel?”

Caleb’s head rose from his arms, tears running down his cheeks. “Oh, Jakey, he’s right. I don’t want to tell anybody about him. I just want to fuck him and treat him like a piece of meat. I’m an asshole. No, I mean he is… Oh, Jake.” Back to position one.

Close to fucking home, much? “C’mon, runt. Let me take you home.”

Cal turned his head a little. “What?”

Jake yelled toward the half-buried ear. “Let’s go home to Mom and Dad’s. C’mon, I’ve got the car. It’s a walk, but if I get some help, you can make it.” He pulled at the big body. “C’mon, Cal, get up…”

There was a sudden quiet. Music was still playing, but there were no voices or laughter. He looked up and found the people on the dance floor mostly stopped, staring toward the door. Was it police? A raid? Whispers started low, then escalated to hearing level.

“Is that…?”

“Could that be…?”

“Holy fucking God.”

Jake stood and tried to look through the crowd to the door. Too many bodies. The group began to part like the proverbial Red Sea. People stepped aside as if making way for a king. Ah, make that a queen. Roan walked toward them between a line of awestruck onlookers. That familiar shock of electricity raced through Jake’s gut. He was riveted. He stared as Roan stopped on the other side of the table.

“What are you doing here?” Nice going, Martin. Dumb-ass.

“Cal called me. Said he was in trouble, so I came.”

“Cal?” Jake looked at his brother.

The runt raised his head and then sat up, sporting a huge smile. “You are Roan fucking Black.” The whisper level turned to a general buzz as the identity of the man was confirmed.

Roan smiled, the crooked tooth flashing. “That would be me. And you’re the famous runt?”

Cal’s grin stretched even wider. “That would be me.”

Jake looked back and forth between the two smiling men. “Okay, you two. Since you clearly haven’t met, how the fuck did this kid manage to drag you here?”

Roan’s smile quieted. “Cal had my number in his phone, remember? And since he was personally responsible for the happiest time of my life, I figured I owed him one.”

The buzz escalated. Those close enough to hear—and that was a lot of people, since the room was still pretty quiet—clearly assumed that they had met before and that Cal had been Roan’s lover. That caused a serious stir. Jake knew better. He stared at the supermodel, knowing that the man meant his happiest days were those he’d spent at Jake’s condo, sleeping with him, making him food—being his wife. A strange, uncomfortable combination of heat and cold filled Jake’s belly.

Time to get the hell out. He dragged at the big body again. “C’mon, Cal. Move, damn it.” He glanced at Roan. “Thanks a lot for coming, but I got this. I’m taking him to our folks’. Move, Cal!”

Dead weight.

“Doesn’t look like you’re taking him anywhere.” Roan clearly suppressed a grin.

“Cal.” Jake pulled.

Cal pulled back and nearly yanked Jake off his feet. “Wanna see you dance.”

“What? Shit, bro, give it the fuck up. C’mon.”

“Wanna see you dance with Roan.”

“There’s no time for dancing. Mom’s worried. She’s waiting up. C’mon.”

“Not going.” The kid slid back into the corner of the booth and curled into a ball. A 225-pound ball.

Laughter resumed in the background. Some of the crowd had gone back to drinking and dancing, but a lot were still watching, including Joe Jack, who stood with the forgotten beer in his hand, tight denim stretched over powerful thighs. “I think you better give it up, Doc. Not gonna get him out of here till he gets what he wants. Hell, how hard can it be to dance with Roan Black? I’ll dance with him. Shit, I’ll dance with you, baby. But we already did that, didn’t we, beautiful?” Clearly trying for provocative, Joe Jack glanced at Roan. It worked. Roan looked like—despite the near hundred pounds Joe Jack probably had on him—he was willing to take him on.

Jake stepped forward and motioned toward the dance floor. “Okay, I give. C’mon.”

For a second, Roan stared at him like the asshole he was, suggesting that he only danced with Roan to get his brother to move. Then he flashed a little smile and walked out into the crowd. As the two approached the dance floor, men made way for them, a few hands reaching out to touch Roan on the arm. He smiled pleasantly but stayed focused on Jake. Jake fumbled for a second, but Roan took charge like the experienced gay man he was and moved into Jake’s arms, making Jake the lead.

Hearing the music, Jake began to move, and Roan followed perfectly, effortlessly. Oh God, the feel of him. The satin-over-marble of him. And the smell of cinnamon and man.

The green eyes gazed up at Jake, then Roan let his lips rest against Jake’s ear. “I know I have no right to ask, beautiful, but who the fuck is that Neanderthal with the tree trunks for thighs?”

Shivers went down Jake’s spine. “I came here with Caleb once, and Joe Jack asked me to dance.”

Roan pulled back and looked into Jake’s face. His voice was cool and silky. “I see. And you did it? Seeing how the other half lives?”

Jake looked away. Those green eyes were too intense. “Sort of. Cal thought I should have the experience.”

“You’ve been having all kinds of new experiences lately.”

“Yeah.”

Jake felt more than heard Roan sigh. “And I guess your most recent experience was one too many?”

“What do you mean?”

“Me. Alex. Surely you haven’t managed to forget that already?”

Jake stiffened his spine and looked straight into the very sarcastic expression. “I’ll never forget that experience. It was incredible in every way.” But one. He didn’t say that.

“Sure didn’t look that way, straight boy. You couldn’t get out of there fast enough.” Their dancing had slowed to a shuffle that still rubbed their cocks together on every second or third step. Both rock hard, they were doing a pretty good job of ignoring it.

Jake looked off to the side. “That’s not why I left.”

“What? I didn’t hear you.”

Maybe they had to have this discussion. Turning his head back to him, Jake said more clearly, “That’s not why I left.”

Roan seemed unconvinced. “The ménage is not why you ran out?”

“No. I loved fucking you. I even loved fucking Alex with you watching. It turned me on.”

“So, what then? You just get tired of me?”

“Shit, no.”

The green eyes didn’t waver. A few dancers were watching them, and Jake was vaguely aware of Joe Jack and Cal gesturing in conversation while staring at the dancing couple. Tough forum for this talk. Guess there was no escaping. “You said you loved me.” He knew Roan was not going to be able to hear that whisper.

“What? Tell me, Jake.”

“You said you loved me.”

Roan stared, the full lips slightly parted. “And this was a shock to you?”

“Well…fuck, yeah.”

“It never crossed your scientist brain before that moment that I was falling in love with you? Like maybe when I kept coming back to see you, redid your home, cooked for you?”

When he put it that way… “No.”

“You never imagined that I had any other men to choose from, but I kept coming back to you because I cared about you? This was news, you asshole?” His voice rose, and more people stared.

“I know I was just kidding myself, but I didn’t think of it. Stupid, yeah. Sorry.”

“And my loving you is a deal breaker, is that it?”

“I just didn’t realize… Shit, I don’t know.”

Roan reached up and pressed on his cheek until Jake looked at him. “I never said you had to love me back, Jake.”

A beefy hand grabbed Jake’s shoulder, yanking him from the green-eyed world he was living in. Joe Jack turned him a little. “Hey, Jake, I think Cal’s satisfied with the dance thing, and pretty soon we’re going to have to carry him to your car, he’s so sleepy.”

Roan grabbed his cell from his pocket. “I’ve got my car and driver. I’ll tell him to pull up out front.”

Jake shook his head, trying to get with the new mood of urgency. “I brought my car.”

Roan was already talking into the phone. He put his hand over it. “Just tell my driver where to take him. You can lead us in your car. It’ll be easier, and we’ll have William to help when we get to your parent’s house. That boy’s a handful.”

Jake caved. Yeah, it would be lots easier. “Thanks, Roan.”

As Roan finished his call, giving instructions to the driver, Jake followed Joe Jack back to the table. Cal sat in the booth with his head and arms sprawled across the table. Crying? Asleep? Jake put his arm around the big shoulders. “C’mon, runt. Time to go.”

Cal raised a tearstained face. “You two are so bootiful together. I love to watch you. The way he looks at you…”

Jake felt the heat and tension behind him. He glanced. Roan gazed at Cal over Jake’s shoulder. Jake cringed. “Sorry.” Roan just shrugged.

Jake tugged at Cal, and Joe Jack stepped up beside him. “Let me, Doc.” Jake moved aside and watched the big guy manhandle Cal up onto his unsteady feet. Jake slipped under one arm, and Roan moved toward the other.

Joe Jack shook his head. “Thanks, gorgeous, but I got this.”

With slow and steady progress, they managed to half walk, half haul Cal through the crowded room toward the entrance. A lot of the men stopped their talking and dancing to watch their four-man procession. As they got to the door, the bartender walked up.

Damn, forgot. Jake put one hand on his pocket. “So, sorry, what’s his tab?”

The bald man grinned. “Hey, don’t worry about it, Doc. Whatever it is, it’s a tiny fraction of the value of telling customers that Roan Black came to my club. That’s pretty much priceless.” He smiled at the model, who nodded gracefully and shook his hand.

Jake kept trying to negotiate his wallet from his pocket. “I’d really like to pay for it.”

“No worries. Caleb comes here often, and he’ll work it out.”

“You should know he’s not quite old enough to drink yet.”

The bartender gave a look of excessive shock. “No kidding. Well, what d’ya know?” More seriously, he said, “He almost never drinks. But he was so miserable tonight, I guess the guys were ordering for him. When I saw how wasted he was, I cut him off and told him to call home.”

“Thanks.”

“You kidding? Come back any time.”

A small crowd had gathered at the door of the club as Jake and Joe Jack helped Caleb out into the freezing air. Roan was at the door of a big Mercedes town car, but before he could open it, a young man in jeans and a sport coat stepped up and grabbed the door. “Hey boss, doing my job?” Roan grinned and stepped aside.

Cal looked around with wide eyes. “Shit. Do I have a chauffeur taking me home? I’m gonna get drunk more often…”

Some of the men at the door applauded, and Caleb took a bow, almost falling on his face before Jake and the chauffeur caught him.

Jake pushed his brother toward the open car door. “Over my dead body. Get in.”

Cal sprawled across the seat, and Jake pushed his legs aside so Roan could get in beside him. “You sure about this, Roan? He’s pretty drunk. I could take him. I’d hate for him to get puke on your seats.”

Roan patted the big guy’s shoulder as he slumped on the seat. “He’s gonna be okay. Just give William your address, then lead the way.”

Jake instructed the chauffeur, then jogged to his car, hoping the exertion would warm him up a little. The heater in the old bomb took a while to get warm, and he didn’t want to keep Roan waiting, so he pulled out while he could still see his breath inside the Volvo. Adjusting his mirror, he made sure the town car fell in behind him. William had GPS in the car, but he didn’t want to lose them and run the risk of Roan arriving at his folks without him there. Jeez, who knew where that would lead?

* * *

Roan looked down at the recumbent giant on his car seat. Cal’s feet were on the floor, but his torso was flopped over with his head resting against the far armrest. Sweet kid. Great-looking too. Of course, that ran in the family. Roan rested his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

So this was it. Over. Half of him wished he’d kept his mouth shut so he could still have Jake. But he knew that he’d never be happy with a relationship that couldn’t go beyond sex. Funny, people thought of gay men as promiscuous, but all he wanted was a home and family with someone he could love forever. Tears stung behind his eyes. Why couldn’t that someone be Jake?

“Thanks for getting me, Roan.”

Roan looked over at the gold-brown head, slightly raised, and with two blue eyes looking at him. Blue, like his brother’s.

“No problem. Didn’t know you’d double-teamed me, though.”

“Didn’t know it wazz a problem. Why’er you and Jake fighting? You’re so beautiful together.”

“We’re not fighting exactly. Never mind it, runt; go to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get to your house.”

“Sure looked like fighting to me.” His head fell back and conked the side of the car, and he rubbed it absently. “Sure did. I mean, I’m not that drunk that I don’t know when my brother is miserable and rotten unhappy. I mean, I know that much.” His finger stabbed the air in Roan’s general direction. “You got me? Did you make him miserable and rotten, Roan? You look like such a good guy. Did you, huh?”

“More like the other way around, Cal. Now give it up, okay?”

“I know aaalllll about making people miserable. Yeah, that’s me. I made Charlie miserable and rotten. So maybe I learned it from Jake, ya think? Maybe thash why I’m so good at it.” His head sagged on the armrest, eyes closed, and in seconds, Roan heard a soft snore.

Miserable and rotten unhappy? Did Jake really feel that way, or was he just relieved to be free of Roan and his expectations? Probably just miserable that he didn’t have a convenient ass to fuck.

No, that wasn’t fair. Jake cared for him; Roan knew that much. But not enough. Not enough. If Jake knew what Roan had done in Connecticut, he’d run so damned far, Roan would never see him again. Shit, why did he ever get involved with a straight guy? He knew better.

Roan heard the click of the intercom. “Roan, we must be there. Jake’s car is in the driveway.”

“Thanks, William. We’ll need a lot of help with Cal. He’s dead to the world.”

“Yeah, and dead weight.”

“You got that right.”

He felt the car come to a stop, but Cal didn’t stir.

Roan looked out the window at the simple Brooklyn row house. Neat front garden, mostly brown now in the winter cold. He made sure Cal’s jacket was buttoned tight and closed his own coat around him before opening the door. It was close to ten p.m., and the temperature had dropped a lot. As he got out, the front door of the house flew open, and Mrs. Martin raced out, wrapping a coat around what must be a housecoat underneath. Jake had gotten out of his car, and the woman threw her arms around him. God, that must be nice, to have a mom who cared what happened to you.

Jake and his mom walked over to the town car as Roan stepped out, leaving Cal slumped on the seat. William had circled the car. He reached in and began pulling Cal off the seat. “C’mon, buddy. You’re home. Give me a little help here.”

He got an “mpfft” for his pains, but Cal did seem to stir a little and started pushing himself out of the car. Jake moved over to assist, and they managed to get the big guy on his feet. Mrs. Martin took Roan’s arm.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Black.”

Roan patted her hand. “It was my pleasure, but you’re gonna have to call me Roan.”

She smiled up at him. “That would be my pleasure. I’m Lydia.” She looked back at her teetering youngest. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, Lydia. He slept all the way here, so he’s a little disoriented.”

“About one hundred sixty proof disoriented, I’d say. Jake, get him up to the daybed.”

With William doing a lot of the heavy lifting, they half led, half dragged Cal into the small, neat house. The stairs were a challenge, but after a lot of upper body exercise and a near fall, they managed to wrestle the big body into the small room at the end of the hall and onto a daybed. He draped over the end. Jake shook his head at his brother, who was now snoring softly again. He pointed to the queen-size bed occupying the other end of the room. “Why don’t we put him in the big bed, Mom? He fits better.”

“No, dear, you and Roan will sleep there.”

Roan froze. He glanced at Jake, who had just been rendered mute.

Lydia continued on as if she were discussing the weather. She smiled at Roan. “You will stay, won’t you, dear? It’s late for a drive back to the city, and I can’t begin to thank you properly for all you’ve done. Burt’s out giving a speech tonight, but I know he’ll want to thank you too. I know it’s not plush, but the bed is comfortable.”

What was the woman thinking? God, he needed to say no.

She looked at William. “Young man, we have room for you as well, if you don’t mind the couch in our family room.”

“Oh, thank you, ma’am, but actually my family lives not too far from here.” He turned to Roan. “Do you mind, Roan? My mom will be thrilled if I show up.”

Shit. What was he going to say, no? Roan stared at William’s open face. The driver knew Roan and Jake were lovers. After all, he’d driven him to Jake’s house. He must think Jake was out to his folks, because the guy sure didn’t seem to think this situation was unusual. “Sure, William, go see your folks. I want to know that Caleb’s okay anyway.” He peeked at Jake from the corner of his eye. Turned to stone. The guy’s mouth was slightly open, but nothing came out.

Lydia just went blithely on. “We have some of Jake’s old clothes around here that I expect will fit you, so you can both be comfortable in the morning. I expect nothing will wake Caleb for a long time.” Did Jake imagine the significance she gave the word nothing? “Sleep well, boys. And sleep in.”

She left. Roan stared at the closed door, feeling rather than seeing the tension in Jake beside him.

Jake’s voice sounded like he’d been gasping for air. “Why did you let this happen?”

Fuck! Roan turned on the other man, hands clenched at his sides, but still hissing through his teeth so as not to alert the entire house. “I don’t know, Jake. I’m sure I should have refused your mother’s request by telling her that her son doesn’t think he’s a fag and wants nothing to do with this flaming queen, and so I couldn’t let my driver visit his family because I have to get as far away from you as fucking possible as quickly as possible, so you can continue in your fiction that you only love a woman and just wanted to fuck my ass for scientific research, you bloody twit.”

By the end of the tirade, Jake was staring at him with his mouth hanging open. He dropped his face into his hands, shoulders shaking.

Shit, was Jake crying? Jake didn’t cry.

His beautiful scientist raised his face, and he had tears, all right. He was laughing hysterically while trying to be quiet. “Oh God, I love you. Scientific research. Jeez, you are great when you get mad.”

Roan stared at him for a second and then smiled. Okay, it was a little funny. “You may love me, Jake. Just not enough.”

Jake stopped laughing. “How do you know? What do you want from me, Roan?”

“What do want for yourself?”

Jake sat on the edge of the bed. “Shit, I wish I knew.” He looked up, the blue eyes pleading. “Can’t we just go to bed? Do I need to decide my whole fucking life right now?”

Did he? It might be a mistake, a huge one, but the desire to feel Jake curled around his back was just too great. “I guess not.”

“Go use the bathroom first. It’s two doors down. My toothbrush is the yellow one if you want to use it.”

Roan’s brain had trouble engaging. Finally, he sighed and headed down the hall.

Jake made a bathroom trip after Roan got back. Roan searched through the dresser and found some soft old pajama bottoms that looked like Jake’s size. He slipped them on. A bit roomy but still comfy, and nude wasn’t an option, in case Lydia decided to check on them. Jake noticed when he got back and found a pair for himself.

He chuckled. “You may think you’re protecting my mom, but you’re actually depriving her of the extraordinary privilege of seeing you naked. She may never forgive me.”

Cute. They crawled into bed, and, oh yes, after a moment’s hesitation, Jake spooned around his back. The pure bliss of it was like Christmas—exciting and comforting at the same time. But the tension in Jake’s body vibrated. Roan waited.

The murmur came. “What do you think my mom meant by putting us in the same bed?”

“Don’t know.” He almost said “love.”

“Maybe she’s just thinking we’re friends, so we won’t mind sleeping together. Ya think?”

Not bloody likely. “Could be.”

“Of course, straight guys don’t really like sleeping together that much.”

“You’d know.”

“Yeah.”

Roan felt his lover stew for a while, but gradually he quieted. Listening to Cal’s soft snores, Roan fell fast asleep.

Chapter Fourteen

With soft light shining against his eyes, Jake woke slowly. Mmm. Roan’s satiny skin. Hard buttocks. Jake’s morning erection, already at half-mast, sprang to attention. He opened his eyes. Shit. He was at home—in his brother’s old bed. Cal’s snores rumbled from the direction of the daybed. Probably really early on Sunday morning. His parents might be up, unless his mom and dad had decided to take advantage of the sleeping household to enjoy their favorite morning sex—randy devils.

Oh yeah, randy—he was curled around the silken back of the man he kept telling himself he could live without. His mind half believed it, but his body knew it was crap. He had an erection so huge it hurt, and it wanted to push itself straight into that gorgeous ass. Oh shit, he could feel it in his mind. The heat, the tight squeeze. Precum dripped from his cockhead.

Had to come. Couldn’t treat Roan like a piece of meat. The man deserved better, much better. Rolling onto his back, he reached into the pajama bottoms, grabbed his cock like a lifeline, and began to stroke. Oh yeah. Not Roan’s hole, but better than nothing. Gotta be quiet. Oh. If he closed his eyes and imagined—

A hand grabbed his wrist. Jake’s eyes flew open. Roan had turned on his back and was gazing at him. His other hand held a packet of lube. Jesus, where did that come from?

Jake shook his head and whispered, “No, you don’t deserve that, I—”

“Just do it, Jake. Or we’ll both die. Just do it.” He rolled to his side again, pulling down the pajamas and pressing those hard buttocks against Jake’s hip.

Fight over. Cock won. Jake unsealed the packet, gasping for breath in his haste. He wiped lube on his painful erection and worked some into Roan’s tight hole. Oh God, it was hotter than he remembered. Roan pushed back impatiently, and Jake pressed his cock into him, half listening to be sure his brother was still snoring. What if Cal woke up? Shit, he’d just get an eyeful, ’cause no way was Jake stopping.

Oh God, not stopping. He thrust hard and heard Roan’s deep moan. He tried to maintain some grip on sanity, but it felt so damn good. So good. He pushed deep again. There was nothing else like this. Thrust. Anywhere. Thrust. Only Roan. Thrust, thrust, thrust. Oh baby. Baby.

Didn’t want to come yet. Couldn’t scream. Couldn’t. Shit! With a muted cry, electricity shot up his spine, heat filled his head, and he shot cum into Roan’s exquisite ass. Roan was making little moaning noises but not pouring out his usual stream of loving obscenities. Jake missed it. He loved Roan’s dirty talk; it was so sexy. But in the interest of keeping Cal asleep, it was probably just as well.

He reached over Roan’s hip, tightened his hand around the big cock, and pumped wildly until he heard three little sputters and felt hot, sticky fluid pour across his palm onto the sheets. His mom’s sheets. Oh well, with a husband and three sons, it wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before.

A deep, peaceful lassitude filled every cell, and he felt like he could melt into that silken back he curled around. He kissed Roan’s neck and felt him shaking.

What the f…? Was he crying? No, please, no. “Baby, don’t cry, please.”

Roan just shook his head, but he didn’t pull away.

“Please don’t cry. Tell me what to do.”

The reply was muffled. “Nothing. Just go to sleep, Jake. I’m fine.”

Shit. Jake knew if he kept pressing, they’d get into the real issues. He wasn’t up for that. Couldn’t do it. He rested his head on Roan’s smooth back. The other man was quiet now. In the silence and heat and comfort, Jake drifted off to sleep.

When his eyes opened again, the light was brighter. His brother’s snores were still there, but the satiny skin was gone. Gone. Had Roan left? Was he crying because he knew he was leaving? That it was done? Over? Shit!

Not wanting to examine his own panic, Jake grabbed his glasses and jumped out of bed. He didn’t even try to be quiet, although Caleb looked like a revolution wouldn’t wake him. He pulled on some old jeans and a T-shirt, made a bathroom stop because he was desperate, and headed down the stairs barefooted. He peeked into the small living room and the den that his dad used as a TV room. Nobody. Roan must have called William and gotten the hell out of here so he didn’t have to face what an asshole Jake was.

Jake sat on the bottom step. What was he going to do? He’d done this. Something in his chest ripped.

Soft noises came from the direction of the kitchen. He knew his mom’s voice, but the deep, smooth answer? Shit, yes! He jumped up and headed through the little living room, with its well-used, comfortable furniture, and threaded past the big family table in the dining room toward the kitchen beyond. He heard laughter and peeked around the corner. They were both facing away, so they didn’t see him.

His mom leaned against the counter, smiling, as Roan, who was dressed in his favorite combo of jeans, T-shirt, and an apron, transferred an egg mixture from a large mixing bowl into a big frying pan.

Jake felt an odd mixture of relief, joy, and anger. The guy had scared his nuts off, and here he was, hanging out and cooking, like it was just another day. He stepped back and pressed against the wall. Unreasonable much? What the fuck do you want, Martin?

He heard his mom giggle. “So you had to walk down the runway barefoot, wearing Dolce and Gabbana?”

The ice-cream voice answered, “Yeah, and a couple of magazines that’ll remain nameless gave D&G credit for starting a new trend, and one newspaper commented on the shape of my feet, for God’s sake.” Spicy smells made Jake’s mouth water.

“It can’t be easy, dear, having the world hanging on your every move.”

“Yeah. Funny how fame is only something you want until you have it. But actually, I was just trying to survive. Everything else happened on its own.”

“And you never feel sorry for yourself, as your tattoo says.”

He glanced at her. “How do you know about that? Did Jake tell you?”

Jake heard his name and looked around the corner at Roan taking something baked and yummy from the oven.

“No, dear. Vogue. The famous picture showing your bare back. I think I have it saved in a drawer somewhere.”

The model turned, looking amazed. “You’re kidding me!” Then he saw Jake. He started to smile but seemed to think better of it. “Hi. Your mom and I are cooking.”

Jake rounded the corner. “Smells way beyond just cooking to me. Gourmet.”

His mom came over and kissed his cheek, stretching up to reach it. “Morning, darling. Did you sleep well?”

He really tried not to glance at Roan but didn’t succeed. His lover’s face was a mask. What the hell had his mom meant by putting them in the same bed? God, what a mess of a day this was. “Yeah, Mom, thanks. I got used to the echo of Cal’s snores. It was positively restful.”

She patted his arm. “Brothers have to put up with each other, don’t they? And Roan said he slept well.”

Another glance at that perfect mask. He smiled at his mom. “Want me to set the table?”

“Yes, set the table, but first tell me how your brother is.”

“Sleeping like a baby.”

“Not what I meant, and you know it. I refrained from putting Roan on the spot, but I want to know what’s bothering Caleb.”

Jake took her shoulders. “Mom, he’s got love problems, but there’s more to it, and you need to hear it all from him. Hang in there.” He wasn’t going to out his brother. But it sure as hell was time Cal did it himself.

She shook her head while he grabbed plates and flatware and began setting places. He heard the TV. Dad must be up. So everyone was awake except the party of interest. Were he and Roan just going to sit down and have breakfast with his parents, pretending like the giant share-a-bed elephant wasn’t dominating the room? Sure seemed that way.

Breakfast turned out to be kind of fun. Jake’s dad moaned in delight over Roan’s cooking, and they all laughed over stories of the model’s exploits. Jake even threw in a few science jokes. There was tension, but Roan seemed to be enjoying himself. Made sense. The man loved family and didn’t have one of his own.

“So, Roan, you like basketball?”

Jake winced at his dad’s question, but Roan beamed. “You kidding? I have season tickets to the Knicks.” Wonders never ceased.

Burt lit up. “No shit?” He glanced at Lydia. “Excuse me, dear.”

Roan’s enthusiasm was guileless. “Yeah, maybe you’d like to go sometime? The seats are right on the floor…”

“Son, you wanna companion to any game, you sign me up. For those kinds of seats, any guy at the firehouse will sub for me. We’ve got mutual compassion where basketball is concerned.”

“I don’t know if Jake likes basketball.” Roan glanced at him.

“Yeah, I loved it as a kid, but I never get to watch games anymore because of my schedule, so I kind of got out of the basketball habit.”

His dad stood up. “We can change that right now. I recorded last night’s game, so if you two wanna watch, come on in.”

Roan glanced at Lydia, and she made a shooing motion. “Go watch, you two. Roan, you’ve done more than your share, and Jake, well, you obviously need to renew your enthusiasm for basketball.” She gave him a wink, and he felt the blush touch his cheeks. What the hell was that woman up to? Docilely, he followed the other men to the den.

Jake stared at the TV but was more fascinated by watching Roan, gentle and gay, cheering as loudly as his macho dad and practically throwing things at the flat screen whenever the Lakers scored against the Knicks. The man was at home in a way he didn’t look even in his own apartment. Love and family—clearly, that was what Roan wanted.

Burt began to fast-forward through the halftime. A big form filled the archway into the den.

“Hi.” Caleb looked red-eyed, bilious, and thoroughly embarrassed, but that didn’t cover the sadness just below the surface. “Hey, Jake, Roan, thanks for coming to get me. I really am sorry I caused everyone so much trouble.”

“Don’t worry about it, runt.” Jake pointed toward the kitchen. “Mom saved you some breakfast.”

“Uh, not so sure…”

“Hey, you’ll be sorry if you miss it. Roan made it.”

“Still…” He shook his head and then thought better of it, wincing.

Roan stood up. “Let me make you something that’ll go down without protest. C’mon.” He put a hand on Cal’s big shoulder and led him toward the kitchen.

His dad looked at Jake with concern. “Not like Caleb to get so drunk, is it?”

Jake shook his head. “No, sir. He hardly drinks. But I think he really needs to talk to you and Mom, and maybe he was trying to get up his courage.”

“Well at least for three out of four of my kids, I haven’t had to worry about you announcing you were pregnant.”

Jake grinned. “True, not the issue.”

Burt looked sideways at Jake. “Of course, he could have gotten somebody else pregnant.”

“Also not the issue.”

His dad dropped his head for a second. “I didn’t think so.”

So maybe his dad wasn’t as clueless as Caleb thought.

“Burt, Jake, come on into the living room,” Lydia called.

Burt switched off the TV that he’d had on pause and stood slowly. “Guess his Dutch courage must have worked.”

Jake walked the few steps to the living room behind his dad. Roan was sitting on a love seat by the windows, while Cal sat on the couch next to his mom, holding a glass of some questionable-looking liquid. Burt headed for his chair, settling himself. Jake paused and looked at his brother. “Hey, runt, want me and Roan to get lost?”

Cal shook his head vehemently. “No, I told Roan I want you guys here.”

Jake felt his palms begin to sweat. Clearly, today was not just about getting Cal out of the closet. The only available seat was next to Roan, and he didn’t want to make that statement, so he leaned against the wall.

His brother leaned his elbows on his knees with his shaggy head hanging. “How should I do it, Roan?” Clearly, he was turning to the one with experience.

Roan smiled. “Take a deep breath and say it.”

“I’m gay.”

His mom wrapped her arm across the broad back. “Yes, dear, and what’s making you so unhappy?”

He twisted his head sideways and looked at her quizzically. “I just told you I’m gay.”

“Yes, darling, but you’ve always been gay, and you’ve never been so unhappy before. So what’s wrong?”

Jake couldn’t help it. He laughed.

He got a stern look from Lydia for his trouble. “Jake, this isn’t a laughing matter.”

“Mom, he’s been beating himself up over the fact that he’s never told you and Dad that he’s gay. And you already seem to know it.”

“Well, I’m his mother, for crap’s sake.”

Jake laughed again. Lydia only swore under pressure.

Caleb looked up at his dad. “Did you know too, Dad?”

His dad shifted a little in his chair. He wasn’t entirely comfortable talking about his kid’s sexuality, hetero or homo, and had often ducked “those” discussions, leaving them to their mom. “Well, your mom and I talked about it once or twice, and I agreed that you seemed most comfortable that way. I worried that you might get discriminated against, but you gotta be true to who you are.”

Cal turned back to his mom. “How’d you know?”

“I’m more interested in talking about what’s troubling you, Caleb.”

“Just tell me, and then I’ll tell you.”

“You were always more interested in boys than girls. And besides, your nature is the closest to Jake’s.”

“What the fuck?” Jake pushed away from the wall.

“Jacob!”

“What do you mean by that, Mother?”

She looked at him as if he had just asked the strangest question. As if he should know. “Jacob, you’ve always been bisexual. When I first noticed it, I read a lot and came to understand you better.”

He spread his hands, aghast. “How could you know this when I didn’t?”

Again she gave him the amazed look. “Didn’t? Jake, Tom was your lover for over a year.”

Jake felt like she’d slapped him. “Not exactly.”

“I’m no expert on homosexual practice, dear, but I know happiness when I see it, and you were much happier with Tom than with any of the girls you dated during that time. And now you have Roan.” She smiled at the beautiful man. The mask was back. Jake wanted to escape. Run. Leave the house, the world. Shit, what was going on?

Lydia continued like her middle son wasn’t melting down. “Right now I want to know why you’re not happy, Caleb. What made you get so drunk it took three men to get you home?”

“Charlie left me.”

“Your roommate?”

“My lover.”

“Ah. Well, dear, Charlie is a nice boy.”

“He said I didn’t love him because I wouldn’t come out and tell people he was my boyfriend.”

“And is that true?”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you or my coach or the team.”

“No, I mean is he right that you didn’t love him?”

Cal looked stunned at the thought. He cocked his head and stared at his mother. “Sure I did, uh, do. I thought I did.”

“I’m certainly not trying to talk you out of your love, Caleb, but why did you hide it? If you were proud of your relationship, wouldn’t you have told us?”

“Shit, I don’t know.”

“You and Charlie have been friends a while now. If you thought it was serious, don’t you think you would have found a way to tell your family?”

“I really liked having somebody close by to fu—uh, have sex with.”

“Well dear, having regular sex is a happy thing, not to be sneezed at. But I’ve met Charlie a few times, and while I like him as your friend, I think he may not be destined to be your life partner. He’s young. Maybe it’s appropriate that he get some more experience on this earth before he settles down. Meanwhile, you look for a relationship that offers you more of what Jake and Roan have.” She smiled at Roan, who seemed to want to run as badly as Jake. “As for telling people you’re gay, I think you define being gay, not the other way around. You’re six feet four, you like broccoli, and you prefer to have sex with men. What’s to hide?”

Caleb grabbed his mother and hugged her until Jake feared for her respiration. Jake felt like he’d been kicked in the head.

Chapter Fifteen

Roan looked sick to his stomach. Jake knew just how he felt. If he was really gay, or bisexual—whatever—wouldn’t he feel relief at knowing his parents were okay with it all? Instead, it felt like somebody stepped on his head.

Lydia rose and moved toward the kitchen. “I’m going to finish cleaning up.” She turned. “Jacob, did you want to talk to me?”

Jesus, was he five? “What about?”

“You tell me. C’mon.”

Roan stood. “I should go.”

His mom shook her head. “Unlike my son, I can’t tell you what to do, dear. But I would very much appreciate it if you would stay awhile.”

Crap. Roan sat right back down. Like his mommy told him to. They were both reverting to the womb.

As he obediently followed his mother to the old-fashioned kitchen, he heard his dad say, “You guys want to watch the rest of the game?”

And Roan, the traitor, said, “Sure, Burt, let’s watch some basketball.” This day was fucking weird.

In the kitchen, his mom starting cleaning up counters that weren’t dirty. Jake leaned against the refrigerator and practiced not looking defensive. “What d’ya want to talk about?”

His mom rinsed a couple dishes that were probably unused they were so clean. “Jacob, you were upset when I said you were bisexual. Why?”

“Because I’m not, I mean wasn’t…until Roan.”

She turned on him. “So you just thought that one day you saw this beautiful man and fell in love and suddenly became gay?”

“Not exactly, and I’m not fucking in love.”

She stepped into his space. “Jacob Martin, your capacity to fool yourself is unmatched in human history. You’ve spent all these years dating girls who didn’t suit you and denying you had any attraction to men, thereby limiting your potential partners by half.” She brandished a spoon, her voice rising. “You’ve convinced yourself that Tom was just a pal that, oh by the way, you happened to have sex with.”

“We never had sex, dammit.”

“No. What do you call it, then?”

“He used to suck—I mean give me oral sex to relax me. That’s all.”

Her mouth actually hung open. “Jacob, a man who accepts a blowjob from another man and doesn’t return it is like a man who has sex with his wife and doesn’t care if she comes. But it’s still sex!”

Who the hell was she talking to?

She didn’t let up. “And now you’re trying to tell yourself that this wonderful man who clearly loves you with his whole heart is just somebody you like to fuck!”

Jake stared at her like she was a snake that somehow ate his mother. Anger rose in his throat. He leaned into her face. “Yes, Mother, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. He’s somebody I like to fuck.”

He heard the sound behind him and didn’t want to turn around. Didn’t want to see. The gasp pulled him, and he faced Roan, who looked like someone had hit him. Hard. Shit. Jake knew who’d hit him.

How Roan got the polite words out, Jake would never know. “Thank you, Mrs. Martin. You’ve been so kind to me. William is here, and I’ll go now.”

“Oh, Roan.” She moved toward him, but he held up his hand.

“I hope I’ll see you and Mr. Martin again sometime.”

Jake watched him turn. Watched him walk into the dining room out of his sight. His chest tightened. Pain. He couldn’t breathe. He pictured Roan going out the door. Saw him driving to the city to his loft, where Jake would no longer be welcome. No Roan. He hadn’t understood. Hadn’t known what it would mean. No Roan. Over. Gone.

He looked up at his mother, who simply stared at him. Her expression was half anger and half compassion, but she said nothing. He was on his own.

No. He wasn’t alone. He had another half. Roan. The other half. The missing heart.

He didn’t know how he got to the front door. Roan was halfway down the walk to the town car. William was coming toward him, and when he saw Jake, he frowned. Clearly, Jake could expect a right hook from a very upset chauffeur. He didn’t give a shit; he deserved it. It would feel good.

His heart poured out his mouth. “Roan. Please don’t go!”

The man paused, then kept on walking.

“Please, I don’t want you to go.”

Not even a pause.

Jake jumped off the porch and raced down the walk, grabbing Roan’s shoulder. William rushed toward him, fists clenched, but Roan put up his hand, and the man backed off.

Jake softened his hold and caressed Roan’s soft hair. “Baby, please. I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to go.”

He didn’t turn. “Why?”

“I didn’t mean what I said. I mean, I do love to fuck you, but that’s not all. I love being with you, and talking to you, and eating your wonderful food, and sleeping next to you.”

“Why?”

Jake pulled away. Damn the man. “What do you mean why? Because you’re wonderful and smart and funny and charming.”

Finally Roan turned. “Yes, so are a lot of people. Like Emmaline, for example.”

Shit. “You can’t blame me for loving her.”

“No, Jake, I can’t. But I can keep you from using me as a convenient substitute.” He turned back toward the car.

“No, Roan. Please.” He grabbed his arm again.

This time Roan put his hand over Jake’s and pulled his fingers away. The tears flowed again. “Stop this. What the fuck do you want from me? You’ve ripped me apart, and now you want to eat the pieces. I can’t let you and still survive.”

Jake gazed into the green eyes, now tinged pink from crying. It was like some kind of fucking sunrise. What was he trying to do to his life? Live in perpetual fantasy and denial when it was clear to everyone that all he wanted or needed was right here? “I love you.”

Roan shook his head and turned away. “Give it up, Jake.”

Jake grabbed him and pulled him around and into his arms. William was serious about killing him this time, but Jake held on. “No, you’re going to listen. I know I’m a fucking idiot. That I’m an empirical researcher who lives in fantasyland. I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you sucked my cock in my hotel room in LA.”

The reply was muffled against Jake’s shoulder. “I know. But I didn’t think you ever would.”

“I don’t want to live without you because I love you.” He held his lover tight and realized that was the answer he’d been looking for. That was what he wanted forever.

William had stopped his potential assault a couple feet away. “You okay, Roan?”

He shook his head and snuffled like a little girl. “Yeah. Maybe better than ever.”

William laughed and started toward the car.

Lydia’s voice called from the porch. “No, William, come in and have some coffee.”

“Thank you, ma’am. I will.” He headed toward the house.

Jake looked over Roan’s shoulder to see the whole family on the small porch. He whispered in Roan’s ear. “Doesn’t look like we get to escape.”

“That’s okay. I’ll take all your mother’s advice I can get.”

* * *

Jake cuddled his lover in the backseat of the town car. He pressed his lips to the man’s cheek and felt the lightest peach fuzz stubble. It had been a long time since either of them shaved. Nibbling as he went, he slowly worked his way down Roan’s neck, breathing into his ear and letting his tongue follow his breath. Roan rewarded him with soft sighs and moans.

They’d extricated themselves from Jake’s family a little before noon. The morning had been entirely surreal. Both he and his brother were well and seriously out to their families. Burt had taken Jake aside and told him how happy he was that Jake had found such a great partner. Then he confessed he’d thought the reason Jake never seemed to stay with one woman long was because he had a yen for Emmaline. Talk about choke. But his dad didn’t notice and seemed to love having another basketball fan in the family.

Emmaline. He had to tell her about Roan. They weren’t just research partners, they were friends. Yeah, and friends was all they’d ever be now. He’d be lying if he said that didn’t sting, but he’d made his choice. He realized that even if Em threw herself at him, he couldn’t live his life without Roan. He pulled his lover’s head up for a kiss and felt that wonderful surrender. No woman he’d ever known melted like his beautiful boy lover.

They were now driving on a secret mission of Roan’s that the man was not revealing.

“Okay, you tease, tell me.”

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Tell me.” Jake pounced on Roan and began to tickle him. Roan’s shouts prompted William to speak through the intercom. “You two killing each other back there?”

“Yes,” Roan shrieked. “Save me.”

“Tickle his feet, Jake. That’ll get him.”

“Traitor!”

William laughed and clicked off the intercom.

Jake made one more attack but was reminded of how strong his lover actually was when he got pushed back onto the seat and Roan landed on top of him. The beautiful soft lips closed over his, and Jake no longer cared about tickle fights. They’d managed to open each other’s flies and were about to get busy sucking when William announced, “Roan, we’re almost there.”

“Noooo,” Jake moaned.

“Oh, so now you’re not so anxious to know the surprise? I’ll tell William to keep driving.”

Roan reached for the intercom, and Jake grabbed his hand. “I want the surprise, but then I get to suck your cock all the way home.”

“You don’t hear me objecting, do you?”

Jake tried to shove his hard cock back into his pants and then zipped up with some difficulty—of course, not as much difficulty as Roan. He looked out the window and saw a lot of trees but not much hint of where they were.

They’d both managed to get presentable when the car turned onto a long driveway. Jake had his nose pressed to the window. He felt like a kid. “Where are we?”

“You’ll see.”

After at least a quarter mile, the car pulled into a circular drive with a small pond in the middle and stopped.

Jake jumped out the door. Straight ahead was a house, obviously still under construction but already detailed enough to know it was modern, dominated by glass and stone, and beautiful.

“Roan, what is this?”

His lover walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jake’s waist.

“Your home, I hope.” Jake looked back over his shoulder into the smiling green eyes. Roan kissed him gently. “I had my eye on this property for a long time. I started building a spec house I planned to sell. But then I met you, and suddenly this place just seemed like home to me. If you’re in it, that is.”

“It’s so beautiful.” Like you.

“I purposely left it unfinished on the chance that you might help me make the last decisions and choices. Thought for a while there I’d have to finish it myself.”

Jake looked down. “Sorry, Roan. I’m an idiot.”

“C’mon, idiot.”

Roan walked him into the mostly completed structure. The entry was unpolished stone, and there was a long thin pond without water in it yet. They looked at the great room with its soaring wall of glass that made the huge trees outside seem part of the indoors. The kitchen was enormous but only sketched in so far.

Roan gestured excitedly. “And I want a six-burner gas stove and double ovens. And there’ll be an island with a prep sink.”

Jake laughed. “We’re both gonna get fat.”

“Yes, and won’t it be fun!”

Roan showed Jake his office with a beautiful view of the surrounding forest, and then they walked up framed-in stairs to a huge room with a view that was described by Roan as “their room.” Roan described the bed and gave Jake a wonderfully lascivious description of all they would do in it.

Jake sat down in the middle of the floor. “Roan, I can’t believe this. It’s too much.”

“Why, love?” He sat beside him.

“I can’t let you do this. I don’t make enough to pay my share.”

“Hey, baby.” Roan tugged on Jake’s chin until he stared into the green eyes. “You may be a top, but you gotta let me take care of you a little too.”

Jake waved his hand. “This isn’t a little.”

“It is to me, Jake.” This statement was soft.

“You can really afford all this?”

“More than. And what the fuck good does it do me if I can’t share it with the one I love?”

Jake looked around. “I love it. I can’t imagine a more beautiful place, as long as you’re here.”

“Always.” Roan kissed Jake gently. “I have a little more to show you.”

“What, the bathroom with hot and cold running Grecian slave girls? Uh, boys?”

“Better. Come on.”

Holding his hand, Roan guided Jake out of their bedroom and across the open area to another room. Jake looked around. It was a lovely room with a big walk-in closet. “What’s this?”

Roan took a deep breath. “I think it’s Em’s room.”

“What?”

Roan took Jake’s shoulders. “Baby, I think you love me. No, I know you love me, but I also know you love Em.”

Jake shook his head.

“I don’t expect you to be over your great forbidden love just because you fell in love with me. And like you said, if I get to know her, I’ll probably love her. After all, you do.” Jake started to speak, and Roan shushed him. “I’ve thought a lot about it. When we were together with Alex, I got to see what it was like to be with you and a woman. I enjoyed it, Jake, and I think you did too, even if you did freak.”

“I freaked because I enjoyed it so much. You were the key. Knowing you were there made being with the woman sexy. Like no other time in my life.”

“So maybe this room is just for Em to come visit us. And maybe it’s more.”

Jake gasped. “You’re shitting me? But Em would never agree to that. Would she?” Jake looked at the model. Jesus, he couldn’t resist Roan. Maybe Em would feel the same way.

“Who knows? Time will tell, my darling. Let’s finish the house first.”

* * *

Later that night at the condo, Jake gathered Roan into his arms. “Wow, what will it be like, sleeping in our bed in the new house?”

“Wonderful,” Roan murmured. “Just like this.”

God, they’d been kissing and sucking each other for hours, starting on the couch watching TV and now curled up in bed. Finally, he’d realized they both had to work tomorrow, and they’d had a busy day, so they turned in.

Curled around his lover, Jake smoothed his hand over the silky black hair. “Roan, will you do something for me?”

“Anything I can.”

Deep breath. “Will you fuck me?”

Roan was still for a moment. “No matter what Alex said, Jake, I’m happy being your bottom.”

He couldn’t get his voice above a whisper. “I need to know, Roan.”

The model turned and pressed his lips to Jake’s chest. “I’d be honored to pop your cherry.”

“Think you can get that monster cock in me?”

“We’ll go slow. You’ll tell me if it hurts too much.” Roan looked up in Jake’s face. “Want to do it now?”

“Yeah.” Gasp.

Roan got up, grabbed the lube from the nightstand, and threw it on the bed. Man, his cock was at half-mast already. Appropriate, since he was half scared and half excited. Roan just grabbed his rod and deep throated it. “Shit, Roan.”

The beauty popped the dick from his mouth. “Want you real excited.”

“I got that.”

Roan turned Jake on his side and pushed his legs forward almost to a fetal position. He slipped a cool wet finger into Jake’s ass and wiggled a little. “Feel funny?”

“Yeah.”

Oh yeah. Slowly, Roan began to pump his finger in and out. Jeez. Kinda weird, but kinda good too.

Roan shifted and reached over to stroke his cock. Hell, yeah. The finger pulled all the way out to the tip, and then—yikes—two fingers went in. Man, the cock stroking felt so good, the whole area was lighting up like a heat lamp.

Roan murmured, “God, baby, you’re so sexy.” Those two fingers wiggled a little at the deepest point, and Jake felt an electric sensation shoot through him. He jumped.

“Okay?”

“Oh yeah.” He couldn’t help it. He pumped his rear back on Roan’s fingers as he pushed his cock forward into his hand. “It feels good.”

“Yeah.” Roan chuckled.

His lover pulled the two fingers all the way out. Jake felt coolness in his ass, and…it had to be a third finger, and the three digits pushed deep in his hole. Burned. Intense. Man, it felt so good. “Baby, fuck me, please. Do it.”

Still pumping and stroking hard, Roan whispered in his ear, “Who’s anxious now?”

“Oh, I am. Please, baby, please.”

Roan stopped stroking his cock but kept the fingers in his ass.

“No, don’t stop.”

“Need the hand for a minute, love.”

Jake felt the warmth of Roan’s body press against him, the three fingers still buried in his ass, then he pushed Jake’s body forward so his ass was high and round. The fingers came out. Oh God, this was it. A big, smooth, warm invader pushed into the well-oiled channel. Oh crap! It was huge. It burned and stretched, but he just got hotter and hotter. “More.”

“You sure, baby? Don’t want to hurt you.”

“Burns like fire, but it feels good too.”

“Okay.” The huge cock pushed in, and Jake adjusted his hips to allow better access. Electricity times ten. “Holy shit.”

“That’s your prostate, baby. Do you like it?”

“Oh man, no wonder you’re gay.”

Laughing, Roan began slowly pumping. Probably wasn’t getting the whole cock. No, that baby wasn’t for amateur hour. Even part of it was incredible. It sent hot, full, flashing fire to his cock. Roan reached around him again and began to pump.

“Oh, darling, that’s too much. I’ll come. Shit, you’re gonna make me come.”

Roan pumped harder. “Do you know how good you feel? Do you know how much I love fucking you? I’m gonna fill you with my cum. Give it to me. Come on, baby. Give it.”

Hot semen burst out of Jake’s cock, like a fire hose shooting onto the sheets and Roan’s hand. Oh God. Warm cum filled his ass and dripped down his legs. “Oh, so good, so good.”

“I love you.” Roan fell half over Jake’s body.

“Love you too.” Oh man, his ass burned, but that heat was the feeling of contentment. The most he’d ever known.

Roan slid himself off Jake and curled around his back. He chuckled a little. “So, have I converted you to a bottom?”

“No, I love fucking you too much. But any time you want to stick that cock in me, feel free. It was great, even if I’m going to do a lot of standing tomorrow.”

“Jake?” The silky voice was a little more serious.

“Yes, darling.”

“I really love your family.”

“They love you too.”

“Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.”

Jake turned so they were face-to-face. “We’re family now, love. Always. Love and family, just like you said.”

The famous smile broke across that perfect face with the improbable tooth front and center. Jake smiled back. Sometimes, when you give up your ideas of how it’s supposed to be, you get something a whole lot better. And what did he get? The perfect wild thing.

Loose Id Titles by Tara Lain

Genetic Attraction

The Scientist and the Supermodel

Tara Lain

Tara Lain never met a beautiful boy she didn’t love—at least on paper. A writer of erotic romance, mostly ménage and male/male, Tara loves all her characters, but especially her handsome heroes. A lifelong writer of serious non-fiction, Tara only fell in love with EROM in 2009 and, through perseverance and lots of workshops, had the first novel she ever wrote accepted for publication in 2010. She’s now on book six. After an exotic life of travel all over the world and work in television, education, and advertising, Tara settled in Southern California with her soul-mate husband and opened her own small marketing business. She paints, collages, and started practicing yoga “way before it was fashionable.” Passionate about diversity, justice, inclusion, and new ideas, she says on her tombstone it will read, “Yes.”

Main Web site: http://www.taralain.com

Blog: http://taralain.blogspot.com

Blog: http://beautifulboysbooks.blogspot.com

Yahoo! Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/romanticgourmets_authors/

Table of Contents

Title page

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Loose Id Titles by Tara Lain

Tara Lain