COVETED

This novel is dedicated with lots of love, hugs and kisses to my parents, Thomas and Cheryl Lee. This is for putting up with me my whole life thus far and the many more years of putting up with me to come. Love you guys!

In loving memory of my grandmothers,

Audrey Keys and Fannie Lee.

May the two of you live in my heart forever.

Special Thanks

To everyone that has supported me even when I wasn’t able to support myself and stood defeated. Thanks for your encouraging words that helped me realize that when it comes to the arts I have a gift to share. If you hadn’t been there to help me find my way I still would be a lost soul in search of who I was and what I could contribute to the world. There are no words that truly express my undying gratitude and appreciation for believing in me and helping me believe that I can achieve any and everything I want to do with my life. This novel is just the beginning wait until you see what else is to come. Sending love and kisses your way.

~M~

Chris J. Scott, it has been many years in the making and I wish you much success with your career path. You have rocked my world in more ways than one, with your intelligence, your amazingly kind spirit, your motivation and your drive. Your extraordinary traits as a person are so attractive to me, and while I know that the future is very uncertain, one thing that I know for sure is......well you know....

Acknowledgments

This is my debut novel and I want to take the time out to thank all of the individuals that helped to bring it into existence. I would first like to start by thanking God for giving me the gift of gab and creative writing. I also want to thank my family and extended family for their continued support through the years.

Nathan A. Lee, I know there is no way I can have an acknowledgments section and not include you. Thank you for being the best little brother ever! Much love to you, from your big sis!!!

Shout out to two more members of the Lee Clan, Thomas Lee Jr. and Syreeta Lee. Thank you for supporting your baby sis!

Tandace “Angel” Wilson, my editor. Girl, good looking out, is all I can say. You took on the task of tackling this manuscript. I know you probably wanted to throw an English/grammar book at me on more than one occasion while editing. Coveted wouldn’t be the same without your input.

Marcy (DIVA), what can I really say…thank you for just being there. You are one of the main reasons that my name is beginning to become known. Your invaluable support to me through all my walks of life is immeasurable. Thanks for being my sister, my make-up artist (making me beautiful for these photo shoots…I know it is a job girl!), Publicist, and personal assistant but most importantly for being my friend. The critiques that you offered of my manuscript made the outcome even better...Thank you.

Mrs. Katie Auer, thank you for taking the time to help me write a query letter and a synopsis. Who knew book writing and query letters went hand in hand? LOL! Thank you for being a faithful reader of my many manuscript drafts at work (when we should have been ummm…working) and saying “Man can you at least tell me the ending?” Your enthusiasm for something I love to do offered so much encouragement to me as a new author that I truly cannot express my thanks enough.

Sharee “Honey” Brown, thank goodness for Myspace. I am so grateful to it because its helps you reconnect with friends you have long lost touch with, but never forgotten. I am so proud of you! For anyone looking to promote events please check out her website at www.sweetscenesent.com. You are definitely doing big things. Keep doing your thing girl! And many, many thanks for letting me use your pretty face for my cover. The cover of Coveted is absolutely gorgeous because of you and I really appreciate it!!!

Ms. Courtney Jones (Ceelo), one of my best friends and a Doctor of Physical Therapy (In the infamous words of Martin “You Go Girl”), because of you Damir exists. While I was struggling for a name for my character, you handed me one and Damir Collins sprang to life immediately. Thank you, for being the one to help at all of the car washes and bear it all with a great attitude! Thank you, thank you and thank you. You are my road dog FOR LIFE!

To my sister in life Nikki G. Jackson, for giving me guidance and much needed wisdom through the years. Thanks for being the older sister I always wanted but was not fortunate enough to have, until now.

Me’Shell Stewart, my self-proclaimed separated at birth twin. Thank goodness for all these online networks that allowed us to reconnect. I didn’t know that I missed you, till I missed you...lol! Thank you for your unparalleled wit and charm. You helped me get through many a day at the work place and I am most appreciative. Tons of thanks and tons of blessings just for being you!!!

Thank you to my friends Reshaya Jones and Tara Moore, for reading through my novel while it was still a manuscript in its beginning stages with no editing, unfinished chapters and emailed updates every other day. The input and critiques that you offered were invaluable.

I cannot go on without mentioning retired NFL player Jamal Brooks. Thank you for the insight you were able to give me when referring to the National Football League. Who knew, is all I will say, but because of you, I was able to identify with my character Kaden and truly understand the issues that he was facing in his life. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to let me bother you with question after question.

Barbara J. Wright, what can I possibly say about my absolutely favorite cousin in the whole world? You are what I call a Renaissance woman. I look up to you because there is nothing that you cannot seem to achieve, nothing that you would not do and no one that you would not help. You have a heart of gold and that is why your life is so blessed and why you will continue to be blessed. There are none like you and I love the fact that I have the pleasure of being related to you. Much love to you forever…your little cousin ~M~.

I want to thank Lynn Murray, my creative writing teacher from The Art Institute of Atlanta. I used to live for your creative writing class. You made it interesting, I loved coming to your class and it was a night class at that! Especially when we read for Oedipus Rex, I had a ball being Jocasta…a ball! But most importantly, you allowed me an outlet for my poetry and my thoughts. Seeing the things I had to say leap across the paper and come alive was so therapeutic for me. Thank you for allowing me the freedom to express myself.

Jeanise Rosado, girl we both know going to our job day after day was a trial and tribulation. I want to thank you for taking the time to help me dedicate myself to a workout routine and make my eating habits better. Thanks for sticking it out with me and putting me through “Rosado Health and Fitness Boot Camp” LOL!

Rashad Nobles, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to always be available to shoot photo shoots for me. Your creative and artistic input helped to make my whole project better. I know we fought through it tooth and nail LOL, but I only go through this with you because I really do value your artistic opinion, so thank you again.

To all my road dogs, Derrick (Uncle D) Brown - Let’s get it! Mia (my ace boon koo) Wallace, Roxie (Evil) Stennett, Toya Thomas, Candice Baptiste, Tiffany (lil’ sis) Banks, Katrina Monroe, My Phyllis, Eric Hiller, Kenneth Shumate, Sean Plater, Corey (my pookie) Thomas, Josephine (my other mother) Thomas, Charlene Gallion, Val Simmons and anyone that I may have neglected to mention, please charge it to my head and not my heart. I love you.

My New York and DC Mami’s, trust me, I have not forgotten about the rainbow coalition crew! You know who you are. I love you for all your support. Special shout outs to Nana Morales, Marlene Saez, Princess Rodriguez, Marcie Rodriguez, Tracey Young, Sonya Coleman, Cheri Kidd and Lana Pallares-Auth.

Special thanks to Shammara T. Dodd, for her creative play on words for the following poem, ‘You Belong To Me’. This poem is truly a gift to have included in Coveted and I thank you for taking the time out to bless us with the freedom of your thoughts.

Thank you to everyone that supported Coveted by either coming to a car wash, giving a donation or by participating in a yard sale. It is because of your belief in my dream that I have made it to this point. I can truly say that none of this would have been possible without you. Thank you so much for believing in me.

Last but definitely not least, I want to thank you the readers. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to bring my characters into your home and share their personalities and lives with you. You have helped me to take an idea that manifested in my head and turn it into a reality and a success, for this, I am so grateful.

Email: mychea@mycheawrites.com

Website: www.mycheawrites.com

Naima 1

I cannot stand this motherfucker was my first waking thought.

The day began like any other day. The alarm clock is buzzing, telephone ringing, birds chirping, my toddler running through the house screaming, my 10-year-old is yelling for her breakfast...you get my drift.

Once again, I am late for work. You would think that being late for work again would be my first priority this morning and maybe I should be trying to get there, but not today. You know what, I have had enough, job included. I am lying in bed next to this lazy bastard who has not even budged.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Naima Ari Fairchild, formally known as Naima Ari Vaughn, and I am 27 years of age. I am 100% female, 5'5 with hazel eyes, an athletic build, caramel-colored skin and black hair that goes to the middle of my back. No, it is not a weave, stop hatin’.

I am an event specialist at Exclusively Divine Events, LLC and proud of it. I make a good living for myself and I always had a plan, even before I met this trifling bastard Kaden who thinks my whole world revolves around him. Kaden is my husband and I never should have married him, never, ever, never. We were high school sweethearts, and it was the most uneducated decision I have ever made in my life; and I consider myself one educated chica, or so I thought. However, educated or not, I should have known better.

He was the quarterback of the football team and I was the cheerleading captain. I know, I know, typical, but that was how it was back then. Times, however, have changed. Now he is a washed-up NFL quarterback and refuses to let that shit go and get on with his life. I mean as a dutiful wife, how much am I really supposed to take? I cannot continue to cater to his male ego; he doesn’t even play anymore, I mean when does reality set in?

Let me explain how it all began…

The Past (1996)
It was in my junior year at Rockdale High School, my best friend Haven Williams and I were in the gym for cheerleading practice. I looked towards the door during stretches and my eyes fall on the most magnificent piece of male specimen I’ve ever seen in my life.

"Damn! Who is that by the door" I asked Haven, as she jerked her head up and damn-near broke her neck to stare.

"Oh that's Kaden Fairchild the new transfer from Odenton High, remember last year when the coaches were all excited about the new quarterback that was coming here?"

"No, I don't remember, but damn he’s fine. I swear if I was a groupie he would be my number one prospect." I told her.

"Naima, girl don't even get caught up in his hype. You know these stupid ass chicks have already been damn near handing their panties to him on a platter. Don't let me see you become one of them."

"Girl please, you know how I roll, I will be damned if I'm sweating some athlete, especially one everyone is on at that, I think not." I say, as I glanced over my shoulder to look once more. Our eyes collided and a warm feeling flowed through my entire body. He raised his left eyebrow at me and turned away.
"Wow" I murmured as I exhaled. I did not even realize I had been holding my breath.
"Wow what?" asked Haven.
"Oh nothing, I was just thinking about our competition routine that we're about to practice." I said to her as I turned to look again, but he was gone.
As Haven and I walked home from cheerleading practice, (we lived about a block away from school) this black tinted-out Ford truck with music blasting pulled up next to me, and the driver rolled down the window.
I heard the deepest, sexiest voice known to mankind...it’s the kind of voice that makes your bra and panties just fall off; I should have known right then and there that he was no good for me. I should have turned around and ran for my life in the opposite direction.
"Can I offer you a ride?"
"We don't get in the car with strang---" I began to say, and then I glance into the most gorgeous, green eyes that I have ever seen. They belong to none other than Kaden Fairchild. I let out a breathless "Hi".
He lifted that left eyebrow again and gave me a lop-sided smile that made my insides melt and my panties wet.
"Hi yourself" he said. "Can I offer you a ride?" he asked me again.

"Oh um, I just live down the street" I whispered as my heart pounds in my chest.

Haven began to huff, “What about me?” while she placed her hand on her hip and rolled her neck.

“You’re more than welco-” he began, but I cut him off.

“Haven we’re like two doors down from your house. Get a grip we don’t need a ride.” I tell her, irritated that she is obviously trying to flirt when he is sitting right in front of her flirting with me.

"Well unless your heart is set on walking down the street, I would love to give you a ride if you let me. Maybe we could go for ice cream and sit in the park."
"Sure, I would love a ride and ice cream" I laughingly said...as I give Haven the look to keep it moving. She knows what time it is, and it is not about her right now.

"How did you know ice cream is my favorite dessert?"
"Ice cream is my favorite dessert" he laughed, "It's just a bonus to me that it is yours also".
I hopped into his ride and tell Haven that I will give her a holla later as we pulled off. I don't know what it is about guys and trucks, but about the combinationof the two is so damn sexy.
"So you're Naima, huh?" he asked me.
"Yeah that would be me. How did you know my name? We haven’t met before."

"I make it a point to know the names of beautiful ladies I wish to encounter."
"Humph, sounds like someone is trying to throw game, but it’s cool. I happen to know who you are too so I guess we are about even."

My life changed forever in that moment. I do not know what happened. One minute we were talking about ice cream, the next minute we are at the park and our clothes are flying off, literally. I was really caught up in the eroticism of the moment.

All I could think was Oh no this guy is going to think that I am a real freak. Giving it up so easy…okay that is not all I was thinking. I was really thinking about how his body felt against mine! I tell you there is something about athletes that make a shorty be like DAMN! That is where my mind was at that moment.

Turns out my mind really should have been on more important things, like does this guy have on a condom. Something I learned that day, was to never get so caught up in the moment that you do not use protection. That can be one life-altering moment, and for me it was.

Six weeks later…

“Haven, I think I might be pregnant,” I whispered during homeroom.

“YOU’RE WHAT!” she damn near shouted. People turned to stare at us.

“Could you keep your voice down please?” I asked her as I looked around, then I go into detail. “I’m 4 weeks late.”

“Oh my goodness,” she fanned herself. “Oh my goodness, how did this happen? Are you sure? Oh no you’re only 16! What is your mom going to say? What are you going to do?”

She fired questions at me left and right without giving me a chance to answer.

“I don’t know yet. I have not taken a test to confirm but I feel nauseous, my breasts hurt all the time and my clothes don’t fit the same way. I’m so scared. I mean I am only 16, I don’t know what to do, and I don’t want to tell Kaden until I know for sure, but I don’t want to go through this alone. I’m so confused,” I said as my eyes filled with tears and began to fall.

“Naima don’t cry, we’ll figure out something. First we need for you to take a test and confirm before we get all worked up, and it may be nothing at all.”

“You’re right. But I think this is something that I need to do with Kaden. No sense in me sitting here crying and worrying by myself. I’ll tell him to come over this afternoon and we’ll knock it out.” I told her.

Later that evening…

Kaden sat right outside the bathroom door in the hall. He actually is the one that went to the store and picked up the pregnancy test. I couldn’t do it; it made everything seem all too real, and yet not. I guess very surreal in a way. I was alone in the bathroom choking back tears because that was something that was very real and would not go away.

I am pregnant. Me, Naima, the captain of the cheerleading squad, how could I let this happen to myself? How could I not have been more careful? I should have known better, I should have. What was I thinking? I barely knew this guy, what am I going to say to my parents?

I thought my dad was going to kill me, or maybe not me, but he was definitely going to kill Kaden. Kaden, oh shoot I still had to tell him. Well here goes I said to myself as I softly opened the bathroom door.

He stood up immediately when he saw me and looked into my eyes.

“So from the looks of those beautiful eyes I guess I’m going to be a dad, huh” He said in a hesitant, but playful way.

The tears started racing down my face even more.

“How can you play at a time like this? I feel like my world is ending. I don’t know what to do.” I cried and slid to the floor. I really think that I was having a meltdown.

He sat on the floor beside me and wrapped me in a hug.

“Mocha, I promise that I will never let anything bad happen to you. We are in this together, you and I. I won’t leave you hanging. You will be my number one girl who is carrying my baby. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

“I have to tell my parents, you have to tell your parents. You are a football player that already has colleges looking at you. How are you going to go away to college and play football with a baby? I had plans too you know, and they were not to follow you around. I barely even know you, which makes this that much worse. I can’t believe that we were so stupid.”

I started crying all over again. I know I must have looked a pathetic mess to him, but you know what screw him; he should have just let me walk home that day and left me alone. Then this would never have happened.

I immediately felt bad about that thought. He did not force me to get into his truck; I did that on my own accord. But, I need to blame someone and I would prefer it to be Kaden, rather than myself.

He finally stood up and said, “Ok, you need to pull yourself together. Crying is not going to change the situation. We still need to tell our parents and get our lives in some type of order.”

Even though I agreed with him, deep down I just want to be a 16-year-old kid, not a mother. Oh how things changed. I look down at my flat belly and it finally dawned on me. I really am going to be someone’s mother. I had a little life inside me. That is just so amazing and instantly I realized how selfish I was being. I wanted my baby, who cares what people think. I will just plan my life accordingly to include this new little surprise. Okay, well here’s to the first day of the rest of my life I say to myself as we went to tell my parents.

I cannot stand this motherfucker I think again

I glance at the alarm clock as it continues to buzz. It is 7:30 in the morning. I want to close my eyes and float back into oblivion. That however is a luxury that I cannot afford because my oh so wonderful husband has not even moved, as if he does not hear the chaos going on all around us.

As I am shutting off the alarm clock and placing my feet on the floor, the bedroom door flies open and enters our 10-year-old daughter Namiyah, with her two-year-old brother Kalani chasing behind her.

She is such a pretty little thing and I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter. With her dad’s green eyes, and long black wavy hair, she looks just like him all the way down to his lop-sided smile. She is going to be such a beautiful woman some day, but right now, she looks angry, huffing and puffing at my bedroom door. I I look at her expectantly, waiting for her to lash into one of her infamous tirades.

“Mother, I have had enough! Kalani keeps jumping on me and won’t quit, we don’t have any milk to eat cereal and I’m going to be late for school again because you’re not ready yet.” She manages to huff out.

I chuckle quietly to myself. Namiyah never lets me down. She is so spirited for such a young girl. She reminds me so much of myself at that age. I try hard to contain my laughter because she wants to be taken so seriously, always trying to be older than her tender years.

“I’m sorry muffin. Mommy is running a little behind schedule. Why don’t you wake up your dad and ask him to fix you some eggs and toast while I get Kalani and myself ready to go. Kalani, come give Mommy some good morning kisses,” I say as he comes running up to me. “Mommy missed her little pookems all night.”

“Mom, that is not fair! You know Daddy is not going to wake up and make eggs and toast. That’s okay, I won’t eat breakfast! I’ll just starve!” She yells as she stomps to her room and closes her door. I roll my eyes up to the ceiling and pray for God to give me strength. She is so damn dramatic. As long as she did not slam the door, I am fine. Slamming doors in my house is a definite no-no, and a sure fire way to get an ass whipping in the morning. I just shake my head, pick up Kalani, and look over at my husband. Lazy bastard.

“Uh Kaden, would you mind getting up and helping please? Do you not hear all the chaos that is going on around this house? I need help.” I plead.

He begins to stir a little and finally turns and looks at me with those mesmerizing, green eyes. I swear sometimes I look into those eyes and melt They make me forget the past and all the things that have gone wrong between us, and remember my teenage years when he was a better person and really loved me.

“What can you possibly need help with? You can’t manage two kids in the morning by yourself? That’s the least you could do while I try to sort out my football career and get back on my feet.” He says to me.

“What do you mean what can I possibly need help with? I want you to join the land of the living. Your football career is over and done, it is going on two years now. You need to find a back-up career. Be a commentator, do something in the field since you love it so much, go back and use your communication degree. I don’t know, but do something! Most importantly, help me with our children. Namiyah is in the other room hungry and late for school, Kalani needs a bath, and I have to get ready for work. How can you ask me what can I possibly need help with?”

I look at him in disgust, worst mistake of my life, marrying this man. Yeah, I loved him once upon a time, when he was goal-oriented, had plans, was a doting father and made time for me. He never used to talk to me the way he does now; he never would have dreamed of talking to me that way. Kaden used to call me Mocha and his little honey-coated Pocahontas.

We have been together since I was 16, but we have been married for only nine years. Nine long, exhausting years, and I want out. I have been through everything with this man. It all started with the teenage pregnancy that produced a wonderful daughter. It was hard for a long time, but I would never trade her for the world; she is one of the two most important people in my life. She is my angel and I love her so much. But this man has taken me through some things. In college he told me he cheated on me once, he chalked it up to a drunken night, and said it was a mistake and that it would never happen again. I was young and in love, I forgave him. What did I know?

The marriage, though we had our struggles, was not all bad. It did not take a real turn for the worse until he was drafted into the NFL. After that, life just became a whirlwind. We had to up and move, I became a celebrity wife, I did not know what that was, but all of a sudden, there were people everywhere. We had no more privacy, and if you think getting pregnant and married at a young age is rough, try being a young mother and married to an NFL superstar. You are constantly in the public eye.

Then there are the women, women everywhere. Women on your doorstep, women calling in the middle of the night, women following your man around clubs and bars. It gets ridiculous.

The worst feeling that you could imagine is seeing on the news or one of those stupid tabloids that your man is cheating on you. Piece of advice to my fellow pro athlete wives there is always a half truth to those things. I do not care what your man's version of the story is. The only way it is a fabricated story is if, in fact, he actually was not there, which we all know is rare.

So there I was one day standing in line buying groceries. I was looking at an Ebony magazine, the one with Halle Berry on the cover, and I went to return the magazine back to the rack, and I see a blaring headline catches my eye. “NFL Quarterback Caught Red-Handed in Affair!” The caption underneath read, “That sure doesn’t look like his wife.” Then there was a photo of me next to the photo of him kissing a famous actress. You know, the young one with the long hair that plays in all of the Black movies.

I was so embarrassed when the woman standing in line next to me said, “Wow you sure do look like his wife, aren’t you glad you’re not her?”

I just burst into tears, got out of line, left all of my groceries, and sat in my car. All I could think was how could he? What had I done wrong? Turns out, I did nothing wrong. I was a real life example of what goes on behind the scenes in the athletic world. While they are on the road, the wives are home taking care of their house and children.

My life has never been quite the same since that moment. He tried to explain, but who really cares what they say anyway? All they are going to do is tell you a whole bunch of bull you do not want to hear, or lie straight to your face, which is even worse.

Therefore, you know what the wives of athletes learn to do? Ignore it, we chalk it up to being a part of their world, I mean they bring in the big bucks, so it’s our job to be grateful right? So many of us do this to ourselves, lose our identity, and become a shadow with no purpose of existence.

I myself am a victim, until about three years ago when I got smart. I began working full time and became an event coordinator. I learned to depend on me, which is good, but I learned a little too late. Around this time is when I found out I was pregnant with Kalani. While a baby is always a blessing, what threw me over the edge was when I knew my marriage was doomed to fail. My husband, that son of a bitch, had the nerve to give me chlamydia! I was excited about the pregnancy, even though it was a tough time in my marriage, but I still had that young-girl mentality - thinking the baby would make it right. Wrong! My husband gave me a venereal disease, which means he had been cheating on me again - even after counseling and pleading to make it work. I was so mad I saw red. That was just the final straw. He has not touched me since then, and considering Kalani is two, it has been almost three years since I have had relations with my husband. Three years! We have a marriage in name only. I get so horny sometimes I want to scream, but once you do not trust someone, that is it. I refuse to risk him giving me anything worse, my children are too important to me and I have had enough! Today is the day he has worn me thin for the last time.

If I am going to be a single parent, I may as well be a single parent without the marriage. I have stayed so my children with have both parents together, but I cannot do this anymore it’s time for me to go. I cannot take this.

“Naima, why can’t you ever support me instead of bitch at me all the time?” he asks.

“Kaden I’ve done nothing but support you for almost half my life, you need to do better, I can’t do this anymore,” I told him exasperated, “I’ve had enough. I cannot even kiss my husband without thinking where your lips have been. You do not help with your children, you mope around all day, and I am done with this. Everyone always used to say how lucky I should be, being married to you. If they only knew the real deal.”

He jumps to his feet

“You can’t leave me,” he replies, “What does John Smith do without Pocahontas?”

“Kaden don’t give me that Pocahontas bull. It is not going to work. We have too many problems and right now is not the time to discuss it.” I say as I put Kalani down and grab some sweats and my tennis shoes. “I have to get Namiyah some breakfast on the way to school and drop Kalani at daycare. I don’t have time for this discussion right now.”

I get dressed and grab Kalani and head for his room to dress him so we can go.

Kaden meets me at the bedroom door.

“Mocha, don’t leave me. I will do whatever you want. Please let us discuss this over lunch today. Please don’t leave me baby I love you, I can’t survive without you.”

He gazes at me with those green eyes and that raised left eyebrow. He reminds me so much of the guy that picked me up on the way home from practice that day long ago, and once again I feel myself begin to melt. I cannot believe after everything he has done, he still has a hold on me. I bend. I can’t help it. He is my husband.

“Ok, we’ll meet for lunch around 12 at Lefty’s”.

“Tell you what, how about I take Namiyah and Kalani this morning while you take the day off and enjoy yourself?”

I stop and look at him in shock. I cannot believe that my husband has actually volunteered to do something. Maybe he really does want to work on reconciliation.

“Well ok, I guess that would be alright,” I hear myself saying as I grab a soapy wash cloth and quickly wipe down Kalani, then hand him to his dad. Off he goes with my two babies. I call into work and let my supervisor know that I will not be able to make it in. I decide to put on one of my cute little nighties and lie back in my bed and doze for a while. Oh, bless my husband for once. I really did need just a day to relax and clear my brain and ask myself some very logical questions. Like did I really want reconciliation? I told myself that it was over and I was through, but now I was not so sure. I do not see how some women make leaving their husbands look so easy. Everything in me says I need to leave, take my babies and run. I cannot stand my husband, I cannot. However, my heart will not let me let go.

We have been together so long, what would my world be like without him? What will Namiyah think? If given the choice of which parent to live with, would she choose me? I think if she didn’t my heart would break, but I would want the choice to be hers.

There are just so many things to think about before you just walk out and leave everything behind. So many things to think about…

…I awake to a tingling sensation on my back. I turn and there is Kaden playing with feathers.

He looks so young and playful, and against my better judgment, I crack a smile. I love this man so much when he is like this. This is the man I married. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The one that I promised to love and cherish and to discover what forever was. What happened to us? He glides the feather down my back once more.

I laugh full out this time “What are you doing?”

“I just want to enjoy my wife; I miss the intimate moments we used to share.”

I want to say, you are the reason why all of our intimate moments have ceased to exist, but I decide to hold my tongue and try to enjoy the moment.

“We have to get ready for our lunch date.” I remind him

“Instead of going out, why don’t we order in and talk?”

I think about it and decide it is probably best. I really did not want to get up and go out anyway. I just wanted to relax.

“That’s fine,” I tell him. “How about we order Chinese food?”

He agrees. While he goes off to do that, I get myself up and go downstairs to the living room. The living room is my sanctuary. It is where I come for peace of mind from my children, my husband, and life in general. The one thing that impresses me the most about this room is the over-sized furniture we have in here. I love to just curl up in my favorite chair and lose myself in it. It is absolutely fantastic.

However, today is the day when my husband and I decide what to do from here. This conversation is long overdue and we have been living practically as strangers for too long. So let us bring on the rest of my life. I look up as Kaden enters and focus on this man, my man of 11 years; my husband for nine. I do not even know what it is like to be with someone else. He has been my whole world and has given me two of the most beautiful children imaginable. How do you turn and walk away from life as you know it?

“So,” he says. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Why don’t I start?” I suggest. “I woke up this morning with the conclusion in my head that I am done with this marriage and I want out. Kaden, as easy as it sounds, I cannot seem to just up and leave. We have so many issues and past hurts, and what it really boils down to is I do not trust you. Not even a little, and while I think that it is great that you took the kids this morning, I have a feeling that this nice guy act is a ploy to get me to stay and I believe that this shall pass.”

“Naima, you know that I love you,” he begins.

“Yeah, I hear you say that you love me, but when do you ever show me? I do not even want to go into all the things that you have done. We both know the drama and the bull you have taken me through, so let’s not sit here and pretend that it is anything but what it is.”

“Baby just listen, I know I have done some really shady things in the past, but that’s just it, it is in the past. I would like us to start new and move forward from this day forward. I want to be the man that you fell in love with back in high school. You can trust me—.”

“How can I trust you?” I interrupt. “I don’t even know how to begin to trust you. I can handle many things, and I did, but infecting me with a venereal disease was the final straw. I mean can you honestly sit there and say that if the shoe had been on the other foot, you would not have left me where I was standing?”

“To be honest with you I don’t know what I would have done if presented with the situation. I probably would not have been able to handle it and eventually would have left,” He replied honestly.

“So if you think that way, how do you honestly expect me to do something that you wouldn’t do,” I ask.

“Because you are a stronger person than I am. I love and respect you more for staying with me. If you give me another chance to make things right by you, I promise that I will never let you down again,” Kaden says as he comes over to my chair. He bends down in front of me, takes my hand, and gazes into my eyes.

“I swear to you Naima, without you, my world will shatter and I will be nothing. I love you more than words will ever be able to describe. Please love me enough to stay.”

Why does this man have this hold over me? It has to be the eyes. Even after all of this time, I still cannot help but melt when I gaze into them. They are so gorgeous with little specks of gold hidden in them. How do I let him go?

“Kaden, no way can I deny that I love you. You gave me my babies, and that is something that no one can ever take away from us. However, in order for us to make this marriage work, we need trust. I need to know that when you go out, you are not going to be with some other woman. I do not want to be that wife again that was calling you every time you were five minutes late. I cannot take the stress and disappointments anymore. Either you have to do better or I have to leave plain and simple. No ifs, ands, or buts. It is what it is.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes. There are no more secrets between us. You know all about my past deeds, and while I am not proud of them, and regret them, it is still a part of who I was. Can you accept that, and from this day forth let it go?”

I bite the inside of my lip, inhale slowly and look at him. I make the decision to stay. I really do love him and if he is so sincere and is making such an effort to reconcile, how can I not at least try. We took vows before God and man. I owe it to my children and myself to give it at least one more try.

“Ok, I’ll stay. I love you and I really want our marriage to work. However, for the sake of my sanity, and our children, if there is any infidelity in this marriage from this point on, I am gone. I am packing up my children and it is over. So, here’s your chance to come clean. Is there anything else that I need to know about speak now or forever hold your peace,” I tell him. “There is no coming back to this moment, this is it.”

He gazes up at me, says there is nothing else, and proceeds to push me back on the chair and for the first time in almost three years, I allow my husband to make love to me.

Kaden 2

How can I explain this? You know how you know something when you know? I knew I loved her when I laid eyes on her. It was one day after school while we were on break from football practice, and the cheerleaders were practicing in the gym. I saw Naima and knew instantly that she was the one I was going to marry. I love everything about her. The way her hazel eyes crinkle in the corner when she smiles. The soft melody of her laughter, the way she flips her hair over her shoulder when she reads a book, how she bites her lip when she gets frustrated and does not know exactly what to say. She is the real deal, a one-stop shop.

I remember the day I married her. She was all of 18 years old. Everyone paled in comparison to her. I do not recall too much about the ceremony; my focus was on Naima and our daughter Namiyah. Naima was so beautiful when she pledged her undying devotion to me. Though our families were not in attendance because we decided at the spare of the moment to get married, she never let it show that it bothered her. And when she walked down the aisle, placed her hand in mine and gazed up at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes and said to her, “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I knew at that moment that I would never let her go. Nothing would stop me from keeping this woman. Nothing.

Now fast-forwarding to present day, my football career is in the toilet, my marriage is in rehab and I am searching for meaning in my life. Not too long ago I had coaches knocking down my door to get to me on their team, and agents ringing my phone off the hook. I was a damn commodity and just like that, it was all taken away from me one night I made the mistake fooling with a stripper hoe that changed my life, as I knew it forever.

I remember it like it happened this morning. We were on the road in Dallas, Texas for an away game. We had just won and were going out to celebrate. My teammates and I set out to a local bar to get a couple drinks and have a good time. Little did we know that the bar had just been turned into a strip club - and there went my life. It is amazing how a couple hours of play can change the outcome of your life for years to come.

The place was ritzy for a strip club. I was actually impressed with the ambiance. There was valet parking, VIP seating and the club also served as a restaurant. This was the first time that I had been exposed to a full-nudity club. I was hyped! I felt like this must be what it was all for. The grueling practices, the aches and pains…all of it was worth moments like these.

The night began with the fellas buying rounds of drinks, and by the fifth round, I stopped counting. I was flying high as a kite and enjoying the celebration. All of a sudden, the lights dimmed and the club music stopped. The DJ switched and put on R. Kelly’s Feeling on your Booty came on.

I looked toward the stage and my breath caught when I saw her; I damn near dropped my drink. I just wanted to stare at her all night. It is as if her body was a piano and I was Mozart - her music spoke to me.

She was a little woman with brown locks and honey-blond streaks. She stood about five feet in height, and came complete with perky breasts, a small waist, and a whole lot of ass. To this day, I am still trying to figure out how her little body held up that ass.

Immediately my body tuned into hers. The image of that ass is etched in my mind forever. I waited until she finished her dance and as soon as she left the stage, I went in search of her and found her at the bar.

As I was approaching, she must have felt my presence because she turned and looked up at me expectantly. As I got closer to her, I could see that the color of her eyes were grey. She was not as beautiful as Naima but she had a sexual aura that made me gravitate toward her. I wanted her. Right there on top of the bar, it did not matter. Wherever I could get her, I would take her.

“How may I help you?” she said in a soft-spoken husky voice.

I saw she had a red tongue ring. I think I came twice with her statement. I did not know a single voice could weld that much power.

“I saw you perform on stage and I came over to let you know what a great job you did.” I said to her.

“Well thanks for the compliment. But I dance every night. It is what I do. Unless that’s not really why you came over and you just haven’t gotten to that part yet,” she saidwith a smile that highlighted the deepest set of dimples I had ever seen.

“Actually you caught me. That is not why I came over. I was really wondering if you would be up for seeing me after you’re done here at the club?” I asked.

“It depends on what you plan on doing with me once we leave,” she replied.

I glanced down at her small, yet ample frame, and imagined all the positions that I could put her in. I wondered if she really wanted to know or find out first hand.

“I can show you better than I can tell you,” I said while looking into those big, bright grey eyes.

She looked me up and down and gently pushed off the bar and said in a husky rhythm that is all her own, “Let’s go, I’m done dancing for the evening so I am available to you.”

I guided her to my rented pearl-white Escalade, and she barely got the door closed before I dragged her on top of me and tried to get her out of her clothes. She had already unzipped my pants and put her mouth to work.

Her tongue ring felt so good. I loved the way she made it slowly run over the vein in my penis. What can I say she had skills, skills, and more skills. That ass felt better than it looked. I worked the shit out of her until she and I became completely exhausted. I promised myself I would never forget an ass like that.

What she and I did forget was protection - and that was, hands down, the stupidest thing I had ever done. Sexing a stripper with no protection, and I didn’t even know the ho’s name to make matters worse.

While she dressed and got herself together, I thought about the stupidity of my actions. From the corner of my eye I see headlights coming straight for us.

One of my stupid, drunken teammates was behind the wheel of his rented Hummer H2. Why the hell he was driving that wasted beyond me all I know is he was coming my way and I heard his brakes squeal as he tried to stop, but there is no way that car was going to stop before it got to my vehicle. I was paralyzed in fear. My body braced for the impact because there was nowhere for me to go and nothing I could do. When the Hummer connected with my Escalade, it was like nothing that I had ever experienced before.

I remember waking up in the hospital and the doctor telling me that my football career was over. He didn’t use those words exactly, but he might as well have. The accident caused me to break my back and shatter my left knee; there is no fixing that. I have so many rods under my skin, I get apprehensive ever time I go through a metal detector.

I was so distraught about injuries that I forgot about the dancer, that I later found they called Apple. It only takes two guesses to figure why she was called that, said one ass cheek to the other. One of my teammates came to visit me at the hospital and alerted me to the fact that she was killed in the accident along with my other teammate that was driving the Hummer.

Apple died on impact. Then about two months later, after my wife found out she was pregnant, she learned that I had given her chlamydia. Apple must have given me that shit because a month prior to the accident I had been examined and didn’t have shit and I was only sleeping with my wife, and after the accident I was only sleeping with my wife…well at least for a little while.

I will never forget that night as long as I live. Too many things died that night - Apple, my teammate, my career, my marriage but most importantly my spirit.

Ok, I’ll stay. I love you and I really want our marriage to work. However, for the sake of my sanity and our children if there is any infidelity in this marriage from this point on I am gone. I am packing up my children and it is over. So here’s your chance to come clean. Is there anything else that I need to know about speak now or forever hold your peace. There is no coming back to this moment this is it……. There is nothing else.

That conversation was almost a month ago and everyday I kick myself for not coming clean about Haven. I should have told Naima that in college, one of the girls I had cheated on her with was Haven Williams, her best friend. I just could not do it for some reason. I just couldn’t. She was two seconds from packing her bags and leaving, I think that would have been the final straw, and I could not have that happen. Not to me. I love that woman, I may have done a lot of foul shit in the past but she will always be my number one. Always.

That does not mean that seeing Haven sometimes doesn’t make it difficult to stay on the straight and narrow. She and Naima share so many of the same qualities, or at least they used too. That, perhaps, is part of the attraction I have to her.

The only problem with Haven is that woman does not know how to stay put.She’s always wanting more than I can give her. She honestly thinks I will leave my wife and family for her. Why is she kidding herself? After all these years, you would think she would get it.

It started as a fling in college, and now I still go back and tap it every now and then. I know it is wrong but what can I say? I am a man, and since she is always throwing it at me, I am going to take it; not all the time, but most.

Recently, however, she has begun to get too clingy and attached. I actually don’t want anything to do with her anymore, but if I go that route she may expose us both and I cannot have that happen to Naima. It would kill her spirit and I cannot hurt her anymore. I just do not know how to cut Haven off cold without hurting her and all the drama that she is known to bring.

Right now, I am waiting at Haven’s house to visit Kaven. This woman never seems to be on time. Naima is always so punctual and put together. Don’t get me wrong I love Kaven, and I know he thinks that I am the best godfather ever, but a brotha feels stuck. What do I do now? How do I mend my marriage, explain Haven, and keep the secrets we hold? I have made such a mess of my life. I jump slightly as I hear tires screeching, and it’s Haven looking a hot mess.

“Sorry to keep you waiting honey. Kaven’s football practice ran over,” she yells out of the window as the car comes to a halt in the driveway.

I look at her in disgust. Haven has on a house robe, rollers in her hair - which is so short I don’t know what she is rolling around them - and house slippers. You know, the leather kind that inmates wear.

“Haven, I’m not your honey please don’t address me as such. My name is Kaden and I would like you to use it. How could you embarrass yourself and Kaven by coming out of the house that way? You look a mess,” I tell her.

Instantly her face frowns up and looks dejected.

“Well excuse me for trying to pamper myself. I just remembered that you were coming by today. I had to rush to get Kaven home to see you. What? I don’t look like your precious Naima is that the problem?”

“Yes, actually that is the problem. Naima always has herself put together, and would never be caught dead outside the house looking the way you’re dressed now.”

“You know what Kaden shove it, okay? I’m not in the mood today.” She turns to face my godson. “Kaven go change out of your practice clothes so you can visit with your godfather for awhile.” She looks back at me. “I would appreciate it if you held your tongue in front of Kaven. This situation is messy enough without you constantly adding fuel to the damn fire.”

“Haven this situation is beyond messy and I think that you and I should cool it. Naima is thinking about leaving me and I cannot have that happen. I love her too much. She’s willing to give me another chance if I come clean about everything and I am working my way up to telling her about you and Kaven.”

“What!? So basically what you are saying is no more you and me?” She pauses a moment and then says. “You know, I don’t think we should talk on an empty stomach. I already cooked dinner so come on in and play with Kaven while I clean myself up a bit and get dinner on the table.”

I look at her, considering her offer, and agree to go in. After all, I did come over to spend some time with Kaven so it is best that I do that.

After dinner, Kaven and I are sitting in the living room playing his Xbox 360, when Haven walks in looking fly as shit. I mean Damn was all I could think.

“Where you think you going?” I ask her.

She tries to conceal her smile and says, “I’m going out a little later. That cool with you?”

“Hell no you are not going out in that outfit with anyone,” I tell her. She is covered in Gucci from head to toe. The short hair has been spiked to frame her pretty, brown face. On her throat is a Tiffany necklace. She has on a Gucci skin-tight white halter dress that radiates off her dark skin, a Tiffany charm bracelet and strappy Gucci sandals that lace up her leg. Wherever she thought she was going before she can cancel it, because she is on my dessert menu tonight.

“I think its time we put Kaven to bed.” I tell her as I get really close to her and whisper. “Because I am trying to put you to sleep next.”

She giggles softly and says, “I like getting put to sleep.” She turns to Kaven and says, “Come on honey, time for bed.”

We put Kaven to bed and once again, I fall victim to the web that I have weaved for myself, and cannot escape.

I awaken to Haven’s obnoxiously loud snoring and slobber-induced face. She sleeps on her back with her mouth wide open looking like a congested seal. Again, Haven has managed to disgust me and I cannot help but compare her to Naima.

Naima looks like an angel when she sleeps. Whenever I look at her I know what Heaven must be like, which is where I should be now, rather than waking up next to this imitation Troll doll. I silently roll off the bed and proceed to gather my belongs, as not to awaken Haven. Just when I reach the door and think I have made it home free, I hear a rustling from the bed and a raspy voice say, “Hey stranger, where are you going?”

I turn and look at the Troll talking from the bed and say, “Home to my wife I should not be here. What we did was wrong and I’m out.”

“WHAT!? So you’re just going to use me like I’m a piece of trash and throw me in the nearest waste basket when you’re done?” The troll screeches from the bed.

“Haven it was not my intent to use you. I got caught up in this situation and I should have walked away along time ago. This is completely my fault and I take full responsibility, but I have to go home now, my wife will be worried and wondering where I am.”

The Troll in the bed sniffles, and I cannot believe I am dealing with this. I need to be home with my wife and children. I pause, trying to think of something to say, and realize that there is nothing, so I turn and leave.

On my way home, my cell phone vibrates, indicating that a text message has come through. I flip open my phone and it is from Haven. I open it and cannot believe my eyes…the Troll-looking monster is trying to blackmail me. I read the message glaring back at me. Either you leave Naima for good, or I’m going to introduce Namiyah and Kalani to their brother; not their god-brother, as they know him. That sentence plays over and over in my head.

Haven 3

Today is Wednesday - Hump Day as the working class calls it. I am outside Houston’s restaurant waiting for Kaden. He and I have a lunch date. He says that we need to talk things over. I am anxious to hear what he has to say. The other day I know we had words, but the way the night ended, I know he loves me. I don’t know why he keeps trying to avoid the obvious.

He acts as if it is hard for him, and not for me. Does he not know that it is hard to be best friends with the wife of the man that you are in love with? This dilemma is my life. I love Naima I really do, she is like the sister that I always wanted, but you really cannot help who you love. I listen to her talk about Kaden and sometimes I want to throw up, especially when she gets graphic about their sexual escapades, which are rare nowadays. I cannot stand it! Being the good friend that I am, I listen and silently agree with her. He sure does know how to use what God gave him. Oh, I hate her so much! This is what I struggle with day in and day out - my love/hate relationship with Naima.

We have been friends for 22 years, and you would think there are enough men in the world, but I want this one. What made her so special that Kaden just had to have her? I remember it like it was yesterday, us being in high school, her scoping on Kaden. I tried to deter her from him, and vice versa, but he went after her anyway. What does she have that I don’t? Hair that goes all the way down her back? Big deal. Or maybe her caramel complexion? But brown sistas are in, obviously because her man can’t get enough of me. He is always coming back for more.

But it goes deeper than that. The reason that I want things to work out with Kaden is our seven-year-old son Kaven Williams. With my brown complexion, and his dad’s green eyes, he is a secret that Kaden and I share. I am actually surprised that Naima has not figured it out by now. Though Kaven looks like me, he has so many of his father’s personality traits. I think Naima is so busy being the proud godmother that she does not think about it too often, or maybe she is in denial. I never did tell her who the father was, but to be quite honest, she never asked either.

I glance around, notice Kaden walking up, and smile as he approaches. “Hi, stranger,” I say to him.

He gives me a rushed hello and walks in ahead of me. He must still be angry about our last encounter. He gave my name to the host and we follow her to our booth (I called ahead and placed a reservation for us).

“How dare you try to blackmail me!” He insists immediately upon sitting down. For the first time I realize that, he is barely containing his anger.

“I’m not blackmailing you,” I calmly explain to him. “I am merely giving you an ultimatum. Either you leave Naima for good or I’m going to introduce Namiyah and Kalani to their brother.”

“See that’s the shit I’m talking about right there. That doesn’t sound like blackmail to you? Haven when are you going to get it through your head that I am not leaving Naima? She has been my wife for nine years and we have two children together. We have been together since high school, and gone through so many obstacles together. Do you honestly believe in your heart that I would just let her go?”

“Yes. I too have had your child,” I remind him. “What has she got going for her that I don’t?”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to compete with my WIFE? You knew going into this that it was what it was. So why are you trying to place claim now?”

“Just tell me what is so spectacular about her that you can’t leave. If she is so great why are you always so anxious to sleep with me?” I ask, my ego is taking a beating.

“Haven let’s be serious. I’m never anxious to sleep with you, you are always throwing it at me and as a guy I take it, plain and simple. It is just sex. Now hear this and hear this good. There is nothing wrong with the way my wife gives it to me, she gives it to me any way I want, when I want. You ask what she has that you do not, and that is class with a capital ’C’. No one will ever come close to Naima. You will never be able to make me feel the way she does. Ever. Now will you please let this go? Let me go.”

I feel like the air has just been depleted from my body. What do you do when you are in love with a married man who happens to be married to your best friend, and says you have no class? You know what you do? You get even. No this motherfucker did not just say that shit to me. Who does he think he is? Okay, if that is how he wants it, he is definitely going to get what is coming to him, and much sooner than he thinks. Fuck him and his wife.

“You know what Kaden you are absolutely right. I am letting you go.”

“Really?” he says in an incredulous tone.

Hell no I think to myself, but whatever screw him.

“Really. You no longer have to worry about me trying to seduce you, or take advantage of you or whatever. All you need to do is continue to take care of your son and all will be fine,” I say to him.

Yeah, all will definitely be fine. Let’s see how Naima reacts when I tell her that her godson really is the sibling of her two children. Let’s see how Kaden gets himself out of that since he professes to love his wife so much. We will see how long it takes before he comes a crawling back to me, and he will because they always do.

“As a matter of fact, I just realized I have plans and I will not be able to have lunch, but please stay and enjoy your lunch and the rest of your day.” It will be the last meal you enjoy peacefully I think to myself and stand up.

“Oh, you’re leaving? Is that it? Everything okay between the two of us?” he asks.

“Kaden everything is fine. No hard feelings. Go home to your wife and children. I have to go.”

With that said, I turn and leave him in the restaurant. I feel the moisture pressing beneath my eyelids.

Tears are threatening to fall, but I refuse to waste any on that man. I cannot believe him; after all these years of hoping and waiting, all of this for nothing.

Well I have something for his ass, I think as I get into my car. No man will get the best of Haven. Just wait ‘til I am done with him. He will wish he had never fucked with me in the first place. He’ll see. I will show them all. Now let us pay a little visit to my best friend shall we, the keeper of my man.

I pull into the parking lot of Exclusively Divine Events, LLC and park. I sit in my car for awhile to think. Is he really worth all of this? I have known Naima almost my whole life. Does she deserve the way I can change her life in an instant? You know something, this is bigger than she and I. This is about her no-good husband and my no-good baby daddy. I am going to wreck havoc in his world. I love my friend, and she deserves to know just how trifling her man really is.

I open my car door, grab my purse and proceed into the building.

I smile at Camille, the receptionist, as I enter. She is such a mousy little thing, with her small features and small voice. The girl does have brains though, she is just finishing school with a bachelor of science degree from the University of Maryland. I believe that she is leaving soon to pursue a career in finance.

She smiles back at me.

“Hello Ms. Williams. How are you doing this afternoon?” she asks.

“I’m good Camille, and yourself?”

“I’m doing great. Mrs. Fairchild is in a relatively good mood today so she has not been loading me with work. I am always happy when she is happy. Would you like to see her? She has an appointment in about an hour but right now she is free.”

“That would be wonderful. Don’t announce me. I’ll just surprise her,” I say as I sneak back to Naima’s office where she has the door closed. Like any long-time friend, I enter without knocking.

She glances up and immediately squeals. Naima jumps up from behind her desk, and runs over to fling her arms around my neck for a hug. “Hey girl! What are you doing here? Oh, who cares? I am just so happy to see you. Where have you been hiding out these days?”

“I’ve been around,” I tell her as I gently hug her back. How can she be so happy? It is almost sickening. I came to do a job and be a good friend, and tell Naima about her man, and damnit that is exactly what I am going to do. “Naima we need to talk.”

“Oh no, is something wrong? Is everything ok with Kaven? Are you alright?” she says with so much heartfelt concern.

“Kaven is fine, I am fine. This is not about either of us. This is about Kaden.”

“Kaden?” she repeats as her forehead wrinkles, while she gives me a confused stare. “What about Kaden?”

“I don’t know any other way to put this, so I am going to come right out and say it. I am the girl in college that Kaden had an affair with, and Kaven is a product of that affair. We have continued our affair off and on, until last week or so. Kaden has been a real ass lately, professing to be the perfect husband so I thought you should know what a no-good man you have.”

I did not even see it coming. One minute I was standing up, the next I was on the floor. That bitch had the audacity to backhand me clear across my face, busting my lip! I tasted the blood with the tip of my tongue and jump up to tackle the bitch to the ground, but I stopped in my tracks. She was bent over her desk clutching her stomach, she was crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

I feel a small twinge of regret about my decision. I cannot believe that I was selfish enough to let my ego and self-involvement with some man, ruin my best friend’s life. But part of me can’t help but feel a slight stab of satisfaction. Little Miss Perfect has finally had a fall. It is about damn time if you ask me. But maybe, just maybe, I could have done this somewhere else at a different time, in a different way.

“Naima, I apologize. This was not the time or the place to tell you this, but as a friend I thought you should know the situation and I was wron—.” She cut me off as she was sliding her wedding band off of her finger and placing it on her desk. I wonder if she is preparing to charge me again. I cautiously put my guard up.

“I cannot believe you have the nerve to call yourself a friend. Friends don’t have affairs with their best friend’s husband. Friends don’t have a baby by their best friend’s husband. And a true friend doesn’t barge into her best friend’s job and tell her this bullshit in the middle of the workday. You know what Haven? I have had enough. Between you and Kaden, I cannot take anymore. The two of you have made my life one big lie and you know what you deserve each other. Now get the fuck out my office you stupid slutty-ass whore.”

I cannot believe the nerve of that little witch. I came to tell her about her no-good husband, and she acts ungrateful. I turn and leave her office. I hold my head high as I pass Camille, who guiltily backs away from the corner as if she has been eavesdropping.

“Ms. Williams would you like a tissue for your face?” She offers me as she tries to keep from smirking.

You know what? I never liked that little ho anyway. I ignore her and continue out the building.

Walking to my car, I think about my actions. Why did I feel like I had a right to do what I did? Naima has always been so gracious towards me and this is how I repay her. I mean a stupid college mistake is one thing, but an ongoing affair is something entirely different. I knew it was wrong but Kaden is so damn sexy and I still want him. Am I so pathetic that I cannot get my own man? I have been chasing after my best friend’s husband all these years. My best friend, I did not even think about that. Our friendship is ruined forever. Who am I going to share all of my childhood memories with now?

I pull the overhead visor down as I ease into my car to get a look at my face and have to laugh at myself. I look an absolute mess. My short hair is standing straight up on my head. She did more damage than I had originally thought with that slap. The whole right side of my face was beginning to swell, and the dried blood on my lip did not help my looks. This day has just gone from bad to worse.

Oh well, I guess I will have to chalk it up to the game. She will forgive me. She always does when we have arguments. I will give her a call later and everything will be fine.

Now I must go and pick up Kaven from school. He is the angel that connects Kaden and me forever.

Damir 4

I am with my parents and three siblings, preparing to leave Cedar Hill Cemetery in Suitland, Maryland. It has been a rough morning. Today is the anniversary of the day my baby sister, Alanna, was killed. The pain from losing her has eased up over time, but there will always be a permanent scar that hurts me every now and then. Some days I wake up and I am so sure that I will see her smiling face, or hear her excited, husky voice, but then reality sets in and the anguish takes over. When she really needed me, I was not there to protect her.

The news almost killed my parents. That was their baby girl; the one we were all hoping would be able to find a path for her life. Alanna was always so full of energy and light. You could tell she was the baby of the family…if she was not the classic example of a spoiled brat, then I do not know who was. That is probably the reason why she was the most out of control of all the children. But to know her was to love her.

My baby sister had a set of killer dimples, that she was not afraid to use on you to get something she wanted. I miss her all the time, and life just has not been quite the same since she has not been in it. Life must go on. I cannot halt my life because she is no longer here. One day I will reunite with her, and we will have a good ol’ time catching up with one another. “Until we meet again my sweet Alanna you will always live in my heart…from now ‘til forever…I love you…signing off, your big brother D” I say softly as I reach up and wipe a solitary tear that has escaped from my eye. I lay a single white rose on her tombstone that reads We may have loved her with all our heart here, but God loved her best, goodbye Angel. I turn from her grave and walk to my car.

I have an appointment at an event-planning company for a party I am throwing to celebrate my upcoming 30th birthday, and I am on my way to being late. I stayed at the gravesite much longer than I anticipated.

My cell phone vibrates on my hip as I am entering my car. I glance down and see the name Amber flashing across my screen. I debate whether I should pick it up. Amber is a woman that I have been dating for the last year, and while she is a nice woman and all, something is missing. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I know that she is not the one. She will not be my wifey, which she longs to be. Lately she’s been hinting around about the whole marriage thing. I have been trying to wean her off slowly, however, I do not think I’m making much headway. I look at the phone again, and sigh as I pick it up.

“Hey Amber, how’s it going today?”

“It’s going okay,” she replied solemnly. “I tried to get in touch with you last night but all I got was your voicemail.”

There is an awkward pause, and it feels as if her sentence is suspended in air.

“Well?” she asks.

“Well what Amber?” I try to say as politely as possible, keeping the impatience out of my voice.

“Well are you going to give me an explanation?”

“Do I owe you one?” I could feel my impatience mounting with each passing second.

“Well you could at least say something.”

“Amber, I saw that you called last night. I apologize for not being able to get back to you but you know today is the two-year anniversary of Alanna’s passing. I really wasn’t in the mood for conversation yesterday.”

“Well I was just worried about you and wondering what happened is all. It’s not like you not to call me back.”

“Once again Amber, I offer my apologies.”

“Well that’s fine. I was actually calling to see if we were still on for dinner tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? The reservations have been set.”

“I don’t know you just seem so distant lately. Have I done something wrong?

I hear the panic and uncertainty in her voice. Women can be so emotional sometimes. What some men do not understand is that you must handle women’s feelings with care; otherwise, you will have a bonified class-A psycho on your hands.

“Amber you have done nothing wrong, and we are still on for dinner. I will pick you up around seven, okay? But right now I have to go. I’m pulling up in front of my next appointment.”

“Okay, see you at seven tonight Damir. Kisses.”

“Bye,” I say as I close my phone.

I walk into Exclusively Divine Events, and stop dead in my tracks. How could I not? With a face like that I can envision what the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden must have looked like. She didn’t see me right away; she was leaning on a wall drinking a bottle of Evian with her head tilted to the side, causing a waterfall of jet-black hair to cascade over her shoulder.

She seemed to be engrossed in her thoughts, and I was going to turn away to not interrupt her. I look at her more closely and discover a tear making its way down her cheek. Normally, I still would have left her to work through her own issues, Lord knows that I have enough, but she was so beautiful I couldn’t bring myself to turn away.

“Excuse me Miss are you doing alright?” I ask her.

She jumps, startled, as if surprised that someone has noticed her. She quickly wipes her eyes and looks up at me. The slightly tinted, pink-hazel eyes that she turns up to me, have me drowning, and afraid to ask for help. This is without a doubt the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.

“I’m sorry,” she manages a smile and gives a throaty whisper in a voice that is coated with honey. “I didn’t realize someone was watching me. This is very unprofessional. Did you come in today to schedule an event with us?”

Immediately, I have the urge to hurt whoever has hurt her like this. She is obviously hurting and in the mist of it, she manages to give me a smile. I ache for her, something in me wants to protect her from the pain and hold it at bay. I realize that I am staring and have yet to answer her question.

“Oh, I do apologize. My name is Damir Collins. I have an appointment here today to discuss the arrangements for my 30th birthday party, and you are?” I ask as I extend my hand for her to shake.

“I am being so rude today; please allow me to apologize once again. My name is Naima Vaughn and I am an event specialist here. I do recall having you penciled in for an appointment this afternoon. Would you like to come into my office and discuss your event further?”

I followed her into her office, but discussing my birthday was the last thing I had on my mind. This woman is breathtaking.

“Sure, that would be great” I respond to her.

She turns and leads me to her office, and I follow her and enjoy the view. Upon reaching her office, I immediately take notice of the pictures of a pretty little girl, and an equally handsome cuddly baby boy.

“Either you’re a photographer or an extremely proud mother,” I say to her.

“I tend to say that I’m both. I think anyone with children all of a sudden becomes a photographer. We try to capture all of their precious moments on film,” she laughingly explains to me as her eyes light up.

Damn, she has kids, which means she probably has a husband lurking around somewhere. She was just too beautiful not to. I quickly look at her hands, but see no evidence of a ring.

“Well tell them their mother is one hell of a photographer.”

“Thanks, I will be sure to do that. Please have a seat,” she offers and waits till I am seated. “So what can I do for you today Mr. Collins?”

“Please, call me Damir. Mr. Collins is my father, and he is not here.”

“Fine, Damir what can I do for you to make your party a success? Did you want to toss around some of your own ideas or did you want Exclusively Divine Events to do all the work for you, and make your event as effortless for you as possible?”

“I just want you to show up is that possible?”

“Excuse me?” she says and double blinks, while a shocked look registers on her face and I realize that I have spoken aloud.

“I apologize. That thought was supposed to stay in my head, but now that it’s been tossed out there what do you say?”

“While I am very flattered, Mr. Collins,” I see she has reverted back to my last name.

“Damir,” I correct her.

“Damir,” she continues. “I do not know you, and I have two children to attend to.”

“The invitation stands, but if I have offered any offense please except my humblest apologies,” I say staring straight into illuminated hazel eyes. “Now back to the business of my birthday. I would like Exclusively Divine Events to work out all the details. Just consult me on things like the menu and music. The theme will be 70s style, and from there you can do whatever you like.”

“Ok, Mr.Coll---“

I interrupt her “Damir.”

“Okay, Damir. First, you offered no offense. Second, all I need for you to do is complete a questionnaire for us and return it to our receptionist Camille out front, and in a couple of days I will give you a call to come in and sign your contract.”

“Sounds good,” I say as I rise out of my chair and offer my hand for her to shake. She reaches to grab it, and I clutch hers a little longer than necessary as I stare into her eyes. “Just in case no one told you today, you are an absolutely remarkable woman. I don’t know what caused the tears I saw earlier, but I know that a beautiful woman like you does not deserve whatever it was. So my offer for the party stands and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am only a phone call away,” I say as I reach into my case and give her my business card. “Damir will await your call.”

“Damir,” she says softly. “That is such a unique name. What does it mean?”

“It means to give peace. Until we meet again Ms. Vaughn.” With that said, I turn and leave.

Naima 5

To give peace. What a wonderful meaning for a name. I really like that. Lord knows I need peace and safety in my life right now. Damir is one sexy man. He stands about 6’2. He has a nice brown complexion with deep chestnut-brown eyes, and a smile that can make even the bleakest corner shine. Something about him being in the same room with me made me feel so safe, he was the remarkable one.

I just do not know what to do, I think as I turn my thoughts to the events of the day. I could kill that bitch, is the only thing running through my mind. I cannot believe Haven had the nerve to come in here and set my life on fire. My best friend, my ace boon coon - or so I thought.

My husband and my best friend have a child together, my godson Kaven. What do I tell my kids? I mean what is going on in my life? Did I do something to someone in a past life? Why am I going through so much? How much is one body supposed to take?

An old saying my mom used to quote faithfully comes to mind, God will never give you more than you can bear. I keep saying that to myself but when your heart has been squeezed so tightly, and you are gasping for breath, what do you do?

I want to scream! Kaden is such a liar. I gave him an opportunity to come clean. He could have told me, I would have been able to handle it. He could at least have prepared me so that vindictive, jealous bitch would not have been able to catch me off guard.

I should have known better, and deep down I did. I knew better, once a cheater, always a cheater, an age-old song. I think deep down I did know Kaven was Kaden’s son. I knew. They share so many of the same qualities how could I not. But I wanted to stay oblivious, and be in denial ‘til I had proof. I wanted to believe that my best friend and my husband really would not have an affair. I thought they would both respect the relationships that they each had with me. Guess I was wrong. I always try to keep relationships that do not need to be kept. That’s me. Always trying to hold on, and get crushed in the process.

What do I tell my kids? I think again. I sit down in my chair and swivel to stare out the window. My life is spiraling out of control. First things first, I buzz Camille on the intercom.

“Camille.”

“Yes Mrs. Fairchild.”

“I need the number of a good lawyer. Can you handle that for me please and get my mother on the phone?”

“Certainly, Mrs. Fairchild.”

“Camille, please call me by my maiden name Vaughn. Thank you.” I disconnect from the intercom.

I continue to stare out the window and my thoughts drift towards Damir. The meaning of his name is so fitting. His spirit reached out and touched mine. Maybe that is why I can’t seem to get him off of my mind.

The intercom buzzes, “Your mother is on line one Ms. Vaughn and your husband is on line two.”

“Camille please inform my husband that I will see him at home and send my mother’s call through please.”

“Right away Ms. Vaughn.”

My phone rings.

I pick up, “Hi, Mommy,” I say.

“Hi pumpkin. What is the matter? You only call me Mommy when something is wrong.”

Immediately I feel the tears spring to my eyes. Moms are so wise. I thank God for mine everyday.

“Oh Mommy, my life is a mess.” I feel like I did all those years ago when Kaden and I told her and my dad that we were expecting a baby.

“Remember what I taught you Naima. No matter how bad life feels at any given moment, it can always be worse.”

Lord, if my life gets any worse I think I might jump off a bridge. I pause before I respond, and decide to tell her outright.

“Kaden and I are getting a divorce.” I stop and wait for her response. There is none.

“Did you hear me?” I ask her.

“Well I can’t say that I’m not glad,” she finally says. “I always felt that you could do better Naima. I never thought he was good enough for you.”

“Mommy what?” I say as I continue to look out the window and gaze at the horizon. “Why didn’t you tell me that a long time ago? Why did you feel compelled to let me marry him and forge a family?”

“Naima Ari! When was I supposed to say he was not the one for you huh? When you two popped into my living room for the first time and announced you were pregnant? Or perhaps after you eloped and your father and I weren’t allowed to attend, or much less even know about? Or maybe when you were pregnant with your second child? When really did you expect me to tell you? You were so headstrong; you would have done what you wanted to do either way. So do not sit on the other side of this phone and act as if I had a chance. My job is to be your mother, not to lie to you. If you are looking for a liar, you need to go elsewhere.”

I never knew my mom felt that way. She really kept her opinion bottled up all these years, and in all fairness to her, I had never asked. Guess I should have.

“You know what mom? You are absolutely right, I was headstrong and I want to apologize for never asking you for your opinion, not even once, to see how you felt about my whole situation.”

“It’s okay baby. I am your mother I would never judge you. Now do you want to tell me what happened? Maybe I can offer some advice.”

The tears threaten once more.

“Oh mommy it’s so bad,” I begin babbling to her. “Kaven is Haven and Kaden’s love child from college and they have been secretly having an affair all these years. How could I have been so stupid? I see the way she looks at him. I should have known better Mommy. I should have known.” I am sobbing loudly now.

“Haven, huh? I always knew that girl was sneaky. She was always jealous of you, I could tell.” I sob even louder. “Now, now sweet pea. Don’t you worry your pretty little head none. Everything will be fine. You and the children are more than welcome to stay with your dad and me until this whole mess gets straightened out. Now hush that fuss. Never cry for a man that has done you wrong. You cry for men who risk their lives to save and protect you and your family, who spend every waking minute trying his best to make you happy. And here is a little secret, the man that does all that for you will not make you cry. Remember that. Any other man is not worth the tears honey. So silence that noise and let’s start trying to get your life back in order.”

I silence my crying to little sniffles. My mother is right. Why am I crying over Kaden? Just one week ago, he was fucking Haven’s brains out her head. Bet he was not crying over me then - neither one of their dirty asses.

That is exactly why I slapped the shit out that nasty ho. Friend my ass. She looked so surprised. Guess she did not think I had it in me. That is why she walked out of here with her lip bleeding. How I wish I could have captured that moment on camera.

“Mom, you have been a huge help, and the kids and I will be coming over tonight and probably staying for awhile. I have to go now. I will talk to you when I see you tonight. Love you.”

“Love you too pumpkin. See you tonight. Everything will be okay. Peace always reigns and joy will come in the morning, you wait and see,” she says and hangs up.

I pack up my things. I am leaving early today. I have to get out of here. As I am walking out, I pass Camille.

“Hey Miss. I am leaving for the day. Did you get that number for me?”

“Yes ma’am,” she says as she hands me a folded piece of paper with the number for the lawyer.

“Thanks Camille. I will see you tomorrow. Have a nice evening. Oh, and before I forget, be sure and make a follow-up call with Mr. Collins about his event. Thanks.”

“Sure thing Ms. Vaughn. Enjoy your evening.”

“I sure will, honey. I sure will.”

I head home to pack up some clothes for my two babies and myself.

I pull into my driveway and I see Kaden’s car. Lord have mercy! That man is always here. You know what? He is no longer my problem, I could care less. Since Haven wants him so badly, let her deal with his bullshit.

As soon as I step through the door, Kaden comes up behind me, wraps me in a bear hug and places a kiss on my neck.

“I’m so glad you decided to come home early. I missed you all day today.”

“I’m sure,” I say as I step out of his embrace. “Well while you were missing me, were you aware that I had a visit from Haven today?” His face instantly falls, and he is looking dumbfounded.

“Really?” he says hesitantly. “What did she come to visit with you about today, of all days? Doesn’t she have a job?” He tries to give a half laugh but I can tell his heart is not in it. This means he fears the worse, which only confirms what Haven had already told me.

“You know, actually, she had a lot to visit about; like how she’s been fucking my husband for the last eight years and how my godson is really my stepson.” I shrug my shoulders. “You know nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Mocha, let me explain.”

“You know what Kaden? Keep your explanations for someone who gives a damn. I have had enough of your excuses and your promises and your bullshit. I have just had enough. No more I am done. I am calling a lawyer tomorrow. I will have the papers delivered to you. I want nothing to do with you. Maybe you should call Haven. You can help her put her face back together if you like.”

With that said, I walk upstairs to begin packing the kids and my belongings for the stay at my parents.

“Mother, why are we staying here at Grandma’s? You packed enough clothes to last us a lifetime.” Namiyah says to me.

This child of mine is always taking things to the extreme. I do, think however, it best that I tell her the truth. Children respond a lot better when they know what is going on, versus when adults try to beat around the bush.

“Well honey, your dad and I are getting a divorce. That means we will no longer be married, and we will live in separate households”

“How will we be a family if we’re in separate households mommy?”

Shit, leave it to children to ask all these questions. I do not know what to say to this child. My parents never got divorced, so this is new for me too. How do you help your baby cope?

“Well that is something that we are going to have to learn how to do, and we’ll do it together one day at a time,” I reassure her.

“What happened mommy? You don’t love daddy anymore?”

Tears spring to my eyes. I wish I did not love her daddy anymore; that is why this hurts so badly. Too many years of pain and anger, and I really cannot think of anything good to say about this man.

“Oh no sweetie, I will always love your daddy for giving me the best children that a Mommy could ever ask for, but sometimes people grow apart, and relationships don’t work out. That is what is going on with your dad and me. We have grown apart but we will always unite to take care of our babies. Always.” I tell her as I pull her into a mommy’s-baby hug. The ones that only mommy can give. Seemingly satisfied with my answer, for the time being, Namiyah went off to play with Kalani. She was actually tolerating him today, which bless her heart, was enough to give me peace of mind.

Damir 6

As I am on my way to pick up Amber, I cannot seem to stop thinking of Naima. Call it what you want, but what can I say? The woman has me enthralled. I wonder if she is going to use the business card that I gave her. I do not care that she has two children. I will take on the responsibility if it means I get to look into her hazel eyes forever.

Forever My Lady by Jodeci began to play on the radio. See, even God was in sync with my thoughts. He must have felt me on this one. He had to have created Naima just for me. I was not accepting any other possible alternative.

I still have about five minutes before I reach Amber’s house, so I turn the radio up and decide to sing at the top of my lungs. I reach her driveway just as the song is ending.

I did not get a chance to cut the car off and walk to the front door because Amber was already making her way outside to my black Denali.

The best way to describe Amber is a sexy, voluptuous combinations of have mercy, wrapped up in good god. I do not know if I can ever describe the type of sex appeal, she exudes. She is a glorious Amazon standing 5’10, with skin the color of Hershey’s syrup, and the smoothness to go with it. Her hair is a wild, array of curls like Scary Spice of the Spice Girls. I love the way that it frames her face and captures the essence of her features. And oh my God, the body on this woman is nothing short of amazing.

I guess you figure with all that going for her why will I not commit. While she and I may not lack in sexual chemistry, there is something missing in our emotional and spiritual connection…. we do not have one, plain and simple. I am approaching my 30th birthday, and my preference in women is changing. I am now looking for a deeper meaning with this whole relationship thing, something worthwhile and meaningful. I am ready to have children and get my legacy started while Amber is content with it just being the two of us, and does not want to have any children.

The door opens, and immediately my car is consumed by the smell of Chanel No.5 perfume. Amber loves Chanel No.5. I have bought her numerous bottles since we have begun dating.

“Hi handsome,” she says as she enters the Denali and places a kiss on my cheek.

“Hi yourself.” I say to her, “You are looking mighty good this evening.” And she really did look good. Amber had on an ivory and grey Vera Wang dress, straight from the runway, that clutched each of her dramatically-emphasized curves, and flowed like the wind. I see that she was going to make it very difficult to say goodbye to her, but no matter how good she looks, it has to happen.

“Why thank you Mr. Collins! I always aim to please,” she says in a soft, sultry voice.

“That you do rather well Miss; rather well indeed.”

“So where are you taking me tonight? You’ve been so secretive lately.”

“I thought that we would have a night cap by the Washington Harbor at Sequoia.”

“Mmmm…. That sounds wonderful, being on the waterfront with you, listening to jazz. I cannot wait”

I glance at her and, once again, my thoughts drift to Naima. I wonder what she is doing right now and if she is feeling better. She is probably running around chasing after her two children. That’s a problem I would love to have one day.

As we are pulling into the parking garage, I try to think of what approach I am going to take during dinner to deliver the news to Amber that our courtship has ended. Amber, by no means, is a pushover, and the news I am about to give her will be a devastating blow - To both her ego, and any future illusions, she may have been harboring about the two of us.

We walk into Sequoia and the host proceeds to take us to a corner outside on the balcony, which I requested when I placed the reservation, so that we would be able to have more privacy.

“Damir, it is so nice out here. Look at the water and the lights.”

“I take it you love the spot I chose.”

“Oh I love it. I love you,” she says breathlessly.

Thank goodness, the waiter chose that moment to appear. I may be many things, but a liar I am not, and her professing her love for me made me uncomfortable.

We placed our orders; since we frequent Sequoia often, we already knew what we wanted. As soon as the waiter left, Amber was posed and ready to start firing the questions away.

“I said I love you. Why didn’t you say it back?”

“Because the waiter came over and interrupted us.”

“Oh.” a beat passes, “Well the waiter is not here now.” She raises her eyebrow expectedly waiting for my response.

“Actually Amber, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”

“You wanted to talk about how much you love me?” she says as she gives a slight smile.

I clear my throat and swallow audibly under her piercing gaze.

“I’ve been thinking that you and I aren’t really all that compatible and maybe we have reached a stalemate. Instead of fighting to bring something into existence, that is not meant to be, maybe we should let it go.”

Whoever said that breaking up is hard to do, was grossly understated. I could see the hurt beginning to display on her face and damn if I did not want to hold her and take the pain away, but I stood my ground. Reality is reality; the relationship was not working for me.

She looked me right in my eyes and I could see the tears forming and preparing to fall. Then she spoke so softly I almost could not hear her.

“Why?” she asked me.

I do not know what to say, or even where to begin.

“Amber,” I reach across the table and take her hand. “I think that you are an amazing woman it’s just that we want different things out of life.”

“What’s so different? We are both goal-oriented, want the finer things in life and we both want to get married one day. We have fun whenever we are together, and I never crowd your space and try to take over all of your time. So please explain to me what went wrong?”

“It boils down to the fact that we lack any connection other than physical. When I get married, I want the universe, not just the moon and the stars. I want children, something that you have made quite clear, time and time again, that you do not want. I want it all and I won’t settle.”

“So now you think you’d be settling if you married me?”

“Amber, I think that you are going to make a great wife to some guy one day. I just do not believe I am that guy. I want you to be happy, and me wanting children and you wanting it to be just the two of us, is going to cause major friction between us. So I say let’s be rational adults and end this as friends.”

“Friends?” she gives a short tortured laugh. “I want to marry you and you just want us to be friends? You know what’s funny?” she asks. “I thought you were bringing me out here tonight to propose. I cannot believe I had it all so misconstrued. My love for you does not count for anything. Or will I just be left in the dark to pick up the pieces?”

“Amber I do love you, but I know that if we try to merge our two worlds it will be a recipe for disaster. That is why I am trying to do the right thing by you and let you go, so you can be free to find exactly what you are looking for.”

The waiter chose that moment to return with our meals. Thank God for the little things. I needed some sort of distraction from this conversation.

“I’m no longer hungry. If it’s all the same to you I’d like to be taken home now.”

“You don’t want to stay and have dinner?” I ask her.

“I’d rather not. This conversation has caused me to lose my appetite and I would rather leave.”

“Fair enough,” I say and turn to the waiter, “Could you package our food to go and bring the check please?”

Once we were out of the restaurant and walking toward the car, I looked over at Amber and she is very distant, as if in her own world. On the ride home, she did not utter one word. I have never known her be so quiet. Amber loves to talk. It is a part of who she is.

When I pulled in front of her house as she reached for the door handle and was about to get out of the truck she finally spoke.

“Damir I do love you and I don’t give up so easily. We’ll meet again.” Then she was gone. Her presence, nothing more than a memory I could hold on to.

I had survived the night. Letting go is never easy. I don’t know why women assume that just because men break up with them that we don’t experience a sense of loss also. Men can just handle the situation better, and do not let our emotions get the best of us. But it sure did feel good to be free again, even if just for a short while.

Emeri 7

My life is out of order and I cannot begin to think of a way to make it right again. Nothing will ever be the same. I am a lost soul in search of myself, is what my Mama always says about me. Sometimes I agree with her, but there are many more times that I blame her. I blame her for me growing up without a father, but then I respect her for being able to raise me by herself and make it work. I basically live in a world of confusion where I am trying to discover who I am and what I represent. I feel as if I must be the most displaced 24-year-old in the world, and there is no one to help place me on solid ground. Some days I am angry with myself for blaming my mother, especially now while she is going through so much. I’m going through a lot too. I’m the one that will be left alone in the world with no one to love and care about me. I am suffering too, maybe not physically like Mama, but definitely emotionally. I am angry with her. I am angry with myself. Most importantly, I am angry with God, for letting me go through such trauma in my life and making my mama suffer so much, as if her life wasn’t hard enough. Now, as an adult, I realize that one of the hardest things in the world is watching your mother die slowly, and know there is nothing you can do to help save her. My mama was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the doctors say that there is nothing else that can be done for her. They have given her less than a month to live, and she has chosen to spend her last days at home, for which I am grateful because, I get to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves me. She has been battling cancer for almost five years, and I have to give her credit, she has fought it as long and hard as she could, but it refuses to go away.

My Mama has always been a fighter. She survived getting pregnant with me at 19, and having my father walk out on her. She survived raising a half Black, half Puerto Rican baby on her own, when her family disowned her for getting pregnant by a married Black man. She survived working long days and nights so that we had food and shelter. There is no one that I admire more than her. She can take on anything and come out victorious, everything but cancer. My heart breaks a little more every time I look at her. I do not know what my life is going to be like without her in it. She is the only family that I have. She accepts me as I am.

I knock gently as I am about to enter her room, and push the door open.

“Buenos dias Mama.”

“Mi Amor,” she says in a faint tone as she attempts to sit up.

“No Mama, you don’t have to get up for me. Lie down, get your rest.”

“I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I’m dead. Right now, I want to sit up. I’m still living you know.”

“I know Mama,” I say as I help bring her to a sitting position. “I just don’t want you to over exert yourself, is all.”

“Emeri, baby thank you for being concerned but I am fine. I need you to do something for me. I want you to go to the attic and get my trunk. It should be in the far corner under a blue blanket. There are some things that I would like to go over with you, something that I should have done years ago.”

I give her a strange look and head for the attic. I have no idea what trunk she is talking about. I have never seen a trunk. I pull down the attic stairs and proceed inside. I hate our attic. It is somewhat creepy. I always feel as if something is going to jump out at me from the shadows at any given moment. I reach down to my waist, damn I forgot my flashlight. I take a quick glance around and see a mountain of stuff in the corner, still no trunk though. I walk swiftly to the corner where the pile is, and begin to move stuff out of the way. Finally, I see a blue blanket, and as I lift it, a big cloud of dust attacks me. My eyes immediately begin to water and I cough. I have to get out of here so I can breathe. I try to lift the trunk, but it is almost twice my weight. My mama is smaller than I am, so I have no idea how she was able to get this thing up here in the first place. I push it to the door of the attic and get in front of it as I slide it down the stairs.

“Mama what do you have in this thing?” I ask her as I am dragging it into her bedroom.

“Memories. Memories of a life I tried to forget and one that I would like for you to now embrace.”

I look at her confused. What in the world, is she talking about? I wonder if her illness is making her delirious.

“Mama you are not making any sense. I do embrace my life.”

“Child I know you smarter than you look. Bring that trunk over here to me and, then look inside the top drawer in my dresser and bring me that ring of keys.”

I go get the keys and bring them to her.

“Come sit next to me. I want to show you some things.”

I do as she tells me and have a seat on the bed next to her. She selects a key and tells me to open the trunk. I open the trunk and see a lot of old photos and documents.

“What’s all this stuff?” I ask.

“It’s information about your father and his family.”

I stop and drop the keys.

“What?” I whisper.

“Your father, you did have one of those you know.”

“Why would you be giving me information about my father? As far as I am concerned, I do not have one. Someone that leaves a pregnant woman behind loses the privilege of being called a father.”

“Emeri, I know you’re upset but I really want you to get to know him and to understand what happened between us all those years ago.”

“Mama what is there to know? He left. He knew you were pregnant and he left anyway. He never reached out to give you support. He had to know that you were struggling and that your family disowned you.”

She looks off to the far right and takes some time to answer. When she finally turns to me, I notice that her eyes are glistening with tears that I know she will never shed for a life that she never got the chance to live.

“Actually, he didn’t know. I never told him that my family disowned me or that I was financially unstable. I told him that I miscarried.”

“Mama why? Why did you try and do it alone?”

She looked away from me and I can see the tears threatening to spill.

“Because he was married and I didn’t want to ruin his family. I was ashamed of myself and of what we did. We never should have happened, but he needed me at the time. I do not know if you can understand that or not, but it felt good to be needed.”

I look at my mom and try to envision what it must have been like for her at 18 years of age with a sense of wanting to be needed and to belong to someone.

“I think you’re old enough now to know what really happened between your father and me, and why I want you to reconsider getting to know him and his family.”

I look at her and wonder do I really want to hear her story. Deep down I know I probably won’t seek out my father, but to appease her, I listen.

“It was 1983 in New York City. I met your dad when I was 18, my 18th birthday as a matter of fact. A couple of us went out to celebrate at a restaurant and there was this guy. He was nice, dark and handsome. I was immediately captured by his presence so I went over to say hello, and from there my life is forever changed.

“I walked over to the handsome guy sitting at the table alone with his beer. ‘Either you’re having a bad day or you just haven’t had the pleasure of meeting me yet.’ He glanced up at me, and by the look in his eyes, I could tell that he was barely hanging on by a thread. I sat next to him and looked him right in his eyes and said ’Whatever it is can’t be as bad as all that.’

“He responded ’I look that bad huh?’ I told him ’Well actually for a guy that looks like he just lost his best friend, you look kind of good to me. Just a little down is all.’ I held out my hand for him to shake. I smiled and told him my name and that it was my birthday.

“He returns my handshake and gave a slight smile. He told me his name was Kenneth and that it was a pleasure to meet me. ’How is your birthday going so far?’ he asked me. ‘Up until this moment it’s been rather dull. But now that I’ve met you I can say that it is definitely looking up,’ I told him.

“’Blanca was it?’ he inquired as he took yet another swig of beer. ‘I’m happy for you but I’m really not in the mood for company at the moment.

“I said to him, ‘Well Kenneth, I can tell that you need some fun. Something is obviously bothering you and how can you say no to the birthday girl? Come on I’ll let you buy me a drink since I’m too young. And who knows? After I finish showing you a good time, just maybe you won’t remember what was bothering you in the first place.’

“At the end of the night, Kenneth and I had downed so many drinks I could not even remember how old I was. That was the beginning of a year-long affair.”

My mother gazed off into the distance after her last statement, sighed, and then continued.

“Oh Emeri, It was everything you could possibly imagine - passionate, understanding, loving, free.”

I had never seen my mama this way before. It is as if talking about my father took 20 years off her. I could almost see the young girl that she must have been.

“Your dad used to come back and see me often. He lived in Maryland, you know. I knew he was married, but I was young and in love, I didn’t care. Until one weekend, I think, I had not heard from Kenneth for about a month, I decided that I was going to pay him a little visit, so I took a trip down to Maryland and went to his job to see him. Do you know he refused to see me?”

Her voice was beginning to waver and the tears, that had threatened to fall at first, are long gone replaced with a look that can only be described as fierce.

“So I waited and followed him home and he was greeted at the front door by his wife and his two-year-old daughter. I was disgusted with the whole situation. Here, I finally got to see my competition and I couldn’t even blame him. He had a beautiful wife and his daughter was as cute as a button. I was more upset with myself than with him.”

So as you can imagine I’m sitting in my car observing this happy family reunion when it starts to dawn on me why should I let him have his cake and eat it too. I will never forget his reaction.”

“As he and his family entered into the house, I could believe what I witnessed. How dare he not contact me in over a month and then refuse to see me after I drove all the way to Accokeek, Maryland. Who did he think he was?

“I jumped out of my car and sprinted to the front door. I banged on the door with all my might. He had some nerve. Kenneth opens the door. When he saw me standing there, his face registered one of shock.

‘Blanca, what the hell are you doing here?’ he asked. ’How dare you not call me in over a month? You have no idea what’s been going on with me because you do not return my calls.’ I shouted at him. He responded with ‘Woman, are you crazy? This is my house where my wife and child stay. You have overstepped your boundaries and need to leave.’”

“I told him that I was not going anywhere until he knew what was going on with me. ‘You had the nerve to get me pregnant and now you just want me to leave. Hell no. You will talk to me’ I continued to yell at him.”

“’You’re what?’ he said in disbelief. I kept shouting ’I’m sorry Kenneth, are you hard of hearing all of a sudden? I’m pregnant!’”

“He calmly said to me ‘Hey Blanca, calm down. I had no idea.’”

“I started to cry and with tears streaming down my face, I told him he wouldn’t have an idea I was pregnant and asked why he wouldn’t return my phone calls. ‘What did I do?’ I remember screaming at him.”

“I remember his gaze softening as he spoke to me. ’Blanca you didn’t do anything. It is just that my wife and I have decided to try to get back on track and I wanted to give it my all. This means I had to let you go.’”

“’You could have called me and said something, anything. I have never been so scared in my life. I have not told anyone that I am pregnant. My mother is probably going to kill me when she finds out.’ I protested. He respondss by saying, ’Blanca, I promise that I will take care of you and the baby. I will give you anything that you need at any time, but just promise me you will not tell my wife. I really want our relationship to work.’

“I looked him dead in his eyes and knew that he meant it. Gone was that look that he had when I first met him. He did not need me any longer. I could see that. He had his family.

“The last thing I said to him that day was, ‘I’m sorry that I came. This was a mistake. I hope that you and your wife are able to work out your differences.’”

She looked at me then and said, “That was the last time I ever saw your dad. He called me once to check and see how I was doing, and to see how the pregnancy was coming along. I told him that I miscarried so he was off the hook. I never heard from him again after that.”

I look up at her, “So you’re saying that my father doesn’t even know that I exist?”

“That’s what I am saying to you.”

“Mama why now? Why tell me at all?”

“Because baby, it’s not fair that I have kept you to myself all these years. Reality is reality. I will not be here that much longer, and I do not want you to be alone, not when you do not have to be. Give your dad a chance; he is the innocent here. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting him live his life in peace, but that was never fair to you. The decision is yours,” she says as she lays back and closes her eyes. I can tell that she is getting tired again. I move the photos and papers off her bed and put them back in the trunk.

I do not know what to think any more. I have a father that knows nothing about me out there, but I also have a sick mother here in front of me right now that needs me. I will worry about the rest later. I look down at my mother’s face and allow my tears to fall. I never let her see me cry. I am trying to be strong for the both of us. We will have to take it one day at a time. I never realized the importance of a minute until now. I lean down to place a kiss on my Mama’s forehead and silently leave the room.

Naima 8

I open my eyes slowly to the sound of peace and quiet, and what smells like homemade apple pie baking. I slowly smile as I welcome the change that has taken place in my life. It has been two weeks since we moved into my parent’s home. Two weeks of waking up to quiet, and each time it feels better than the last.

My mom has been such an extreme help. I can tell that she loves having her grandchildren here. She has been known to be up at the crack of dawn, fixing a gigantic breakfast. I keep asking her who she is trying to feed…an army?

I glance at the clock and cannot believe that it is past 1 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. I really am relaxing on my motherly duties. I need to get up and get it together. Plus my mouth is watering. I want some pie!

“Hey Ma!” I say when I finally go downstairs and enter the kitchen, after taking a nice long bubble bath.

“Hey baby,” she says as she leans her head in for the kiss I place on her cheek. “Did you enjoy your rest?”

“I sure did,” I tell her. “But Ma you have really got to stop letting me do that. I do not want the children to be a burden on you. They are my responsibility.”

“Chile’ please. You know I love looking after my grandbabies. Now you just take that nonsense you speaking elsewhere.”

I look at her and laugh then take a glance at the pie cooling on the stove.

“I see you over there, eyeballing my pie and practically drooling. Don’t you touch it either you hear? That is for dessert tonight.”

My mom knows me entirely too well, because I sure was about to cut a slice.

I turn my head and give her a mischievous grin.

“Okay Ma you win, this time. Where are Namiyah and Kalani?”

“Your dad took them out fishing. They all left about six this morning.”

“Fishing!” I said growing immediately alarmed. “You don’t think Kalani is too little for that? He likes to move around a lot. I don’t want him falling out of the boat and drowning or something.”

“Baby you know your dad will not let anything happen to Kalani. Now stop worrying and take a load off. Go do something with yourself.”

I know what that means; she’s had enough of me worrying her to death and wants me to leave her alone. Which is fine, I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I decide to go back upstairs and do some work. I do after all have to plan Mr. Collins - I mean Damir’s - birthday party and I have been kind of slacking off on it for a while. There is no time like the present to be productive.

I go and grab my purse, looking for my cell to give Camille a call. When I grab it, Damir’s business card falls out. I wonder what he would say if I decided to give him a call. I am feeling somewhat flirty and decide to make that move.

As I am dialing his number, I get nervous and hang up. What am I thinking? I cannot just call him out of the clear blue sky. He will think I am some weird psycho or something. Then again, he did say that he would be awaiting my call.

I refuse to punk out. I pick up my cell and this time I dial all of the numbers and wait for the phone to ring.

He answers on the second ring.

“Damir speaking.”

I almost dropped the phone. He sounded so delicious - like hot fudge dripping over a vanilla sundae - and all I wanted to do was scoop him up with a spoon. Mmmmmmmm.

“Damir speaking,” he said again. I noticed that I was just breathing on his phone.

“Uh, hi this is Naima Vaughn. I apologize for calling so unexpectedly. I came across your business card and decided to give you a call.”

“Naima Vaughn, what an unexpected pleasure to hear from you today.”

“I thought maybe we could talk about your party.”

“Is that why you called? Or is that an excuse to avoid saying what you really want to say?”

Damn, he is very direct and straightforward. Since he called me out, I decide to own up to it.

“Okay, Mr. Collins you caught me. I know it is unprofessional to call a client to engage in unrelated personal conversation, but I wanted to talk to you. So here I am talking to you but not really saying much,” I say as I give a nervous laugh.

“The conversation does feel rather forced does it not? So let me offer a solution. I was about to cook dinner, but now that I am talking to you I feel more like dining out. How would you feel about accompanying me to dinner tonight?”

“Thanks for the offer but I have to check to see if my mom will watch my kids while I am gone.”

“Well go check. I’ll wait.”

I feel like a little girl again as I run down to the kitchen to ask my mom to watch my kids while I go out on a date. This is very reminiscent of my high school days.

“Hey Ma!” I yell as I enter the kitchen.

“What chile, why are you yelling?”

“I was wondering if it would be okay if you watched Namiyah and Kalani tonight while I kind of go out on a date.”

“A kind of date, huh? You’re not even divorced from your husband yet.” She sighs, “But I do want you to be happy, and the way you’ve been moping around lately…” I hold my breath while she pauses in her statement. “Sure baby, if that will lift your spirits; you go ahead on that date. Your dad and I will watch our grandbabies.”

“Oh thanks mommy,” I say as I throw my arms around her neck for a hug then bound back up the stairs. My cell phone still in hands and I bring it to my ear. “My mom says she will watch my kids so I am free for you to wine and dine me.” I laugh softly to myself.

“Wine and dining you will be my pleasure, Ms. Naima. Let’s say about 5 o’clock this afternoon. I just need your address and I’ll take care of the rest.”

That sent a tingle down my spine. I gave him my address and hung up. Wow, a date. I do not even know how to date; I have been married since I was 18.

I let the excitement take over. I am going out on a date with Damir. It is funny how life works out sometimes. I fall back on the bed and gaze at the ceiling with a smile.

The evening started with mommy business at its best. Namiyah and Kalani were running around the house as if they had lost their minds. I thought that they would be tired after coming back from their fishing trip this morning, but I was sadly mistaken.

I just returned from shopping in Georgetown, before I could even get my foot in the door, I had to drop my bags because Kalani was insistent on leaping into my arms. Namiyah was right behind him, running her mouth a mile a minute, trying to tell me about all the fun that she had while on the fishing trip.

“Wow did you miss your mommy punkin?” I ask Kalani.

He just nods and lays his little head on my shoulder. My heart melted. I love babies, they love you unconditionally with no strings attached.

“Mom, are you listening?”

“Yes, Namiyah. I heard every word,” I say as I go and sit on the couch and lay Kalani across my lap. “Why don’t you come over and sit with me for a minute and let me talk to you.”

“Okay.”

I look directly into her charming green eyes and smile. She is such an adorable child.

“Mommy is going out on a date tonight.”

“Really? Do you think Daddy will mind?”

“Your daddy will probably most definitely mind, but let’s not talk about Daddy. Let us talk about you. How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know,” she says as she shrugs her small shoulders. “If you want to go, you should go I guess.”

“Well I do want to go but I wanted to check to see how my little muffin would feel about it.”

“If you’re happy mommy, then I’m happy. Can I finish telling you about the fishing trip now?”

I smile to myself. Kids will be kids.

“Sure baby tell me all about it,” I say as I put Kalani back on my shoulder and carry him upstairs to lay him down in his crib. Namiyah once again begins to run her mouth a mile a minute as she describes in vivid detail her phenomenal day.

Leaning my head back on my bath pillow and basking in the lavender scent of my bubble bath, listening to the silence had never felt so good. Namiyah finally was tired of talking and laid it down for the evening. Woo! That child sure can bring it. I hope she takes up debating when she gets to high school. Listening to her put me behind schedule. I only have an hour and a half to get ready before Damir is scheduled to show up.

My hair is in heated rollers, and since I am on a time crunch, I decide to get out of my luxurious bath and sit down and do my make-up. I am the queen of multi-tasking. With two children and a job, you learn to adapt to almost any situation. What I really need is a personal stylist and make-up artist. They would make my life so much easier. I think that is one of the things that I do miss that came with Kaden’s celebrity status. I always had someone to cater to my needs. It was nice while it lasted. Oh well, time to say goodbye to the old memories. I look in the mirror at my reflection and smile. Time to bring in the new.

I glance over on the bed at my outfit for the evening. I cannot wait to hop into it. I am wearing a short lace and charmeuse, black cocktail dress, with a crystal-icon belt from BCBG. I purchased these cute Ma-Maude gold strappy sandals, with stones on top to go with the dress, along with a matching clutch. I know I am going to have fun tonight. My outfit ran me well over $1,000, and I am not with Kaden anymore. This splurging thing is not as it used to be. I did not use to have to worry about money. However, with me now being a single mother, it is a cause of concern for me, but I think that Damir is so worth it. I was thinking to myself when a light tap on the door interrupted my thoughts.

“Naima,” I hear my mother say. “I came to see if you need help getting ready.”

I love my mom. I kid you not; she is the best mom that has ever set foot on the face of the Earth. The best.

“Come in Ma, of course I need help getting ready. Your help is always appreciated. I have rollers that need to be taken out, make-up that needs to be put on and an outfit I need to put on. I am just so overwhelmed,” I say as I put my hand to my forehead and pretend to faint as I fall backward onto the bed.

“Lordie chile, you are so dramatic and you wonder where Namiyah gets it from. The apple apparently doesn’t fall to far from the tree. Now sit in this chair over here so I can get these rollers out your hair.”

I have to laugh in spite of myself. Nothing fazes my mom. She just ignores me and keeps on about her business. Got to love that. That’s probably how I adopted my attitude toward Namiyah, and just let her be, for the most part, with her overly dramatic self. I move to the chair, as told, and begin to work on my make-up as my mom removes rollers from my hair.

Damir 9

God must be pleased with me because I have definitely been favored. Only the powers that be could have gotten me a phone call and a date from Naima. I always give credit where credit is due.

I did not know where to take her and I told her to be ready around five o’clock. Maybe I could fly us to New York for the night in my private jet, and we could have dinner at the 40/40 club. We could stay and party for a little while. I do not know too many people that would not be impressed about doing something like that.

This evening, I chose to be chauffeured in a rented, stretch black Hummer. I want Naima to feel like the queen that I know she is, and I want to enjoy her company, rather than concentrate on driving. This way all of my focus would be on her. I feel a little apprehensive. I cannot tell you the last time a woman actually had me nervous and second-guessing myself. I just hope that she finds justice with the evening that I have planned for her.

The driver pulls up and stops in front of the address that Naima had given to me. I wait as he comes around to open the side door, and head to the front door. Just as I am about to ring the bell, the door flies open and the pretty little girl from the pictures in Naima’s office runs out screaming.

“Oh, whose ride is this? Can I see the inside?” she said almost knocking me over to get to the door.

“Namiyah! Get back in this house!” I hear Naima yell, though I cannot see her.

“Aww, Mommy, I just want to look inside the big truck.” She pouts, poking out her lip.

“Namiyah, NOW!”

“Yes ma’am,” she says as she hangs her head and reenters the house.

I don’t know what to do. I still have not officially been greeted, so I don’t want to just walk in the house.

I hear Naima chastising her daughter in the distance.

“I know you better act like you have some sense young lady and stop running out of this house like you have lost your mind. You did not know who was out there or what was going on. Now go back to bed.”

At that moment, an older version of Naima appeared at the door.

“Hello, I am Cynthia, Naima’s mother. Please come in. Mr.--?

“Collins. Damir Collins,” I say as I extend my hand for her to shake.

“Please have a seat,” she says as she gestures toward the couch. Sorry about the little show you just witnessed. We thought the little missy was asleep, then you pulled up in the yard, and here she comes bounding down the stairs out of nowhere.”

“No apologies needed. Kids will be kids, and I’m sure she was curious to see who her mother would be going out with.”

“Yeah, well it was nice meeting you,” she tells me as she begins her retreat out of the room. “Naima should be out in a moment; once she puts Namiyah back to bed.”

“Okay, it was nice meeting you also Cynthia,” I reply as I sit back and get comfortable on the couch. With nothing else to do, I begin to look around the room at all of the photographs lining the wall. I see pictures of who must have been Naima as a baby, all the way through her teenage years, to her now. In one picture, I see a very pregnant teenage Naima smiling and waving at the camera. Even then, she was beautiful.

I hear footsteps behind me; I rise and turn around, and stop in mid-motion. So, this is what astonishment feels like. Words have eluded me. Our eyes collide and I am finding it hard to breathe as she stares back at me with the sultry intensity of magnetic hazel eyes.

“Hi,” she finally says in a throaty whisper, that I believe she has trademarked and owns all exclusive rights.

“Good evening. You look breathtaking. You rendered me speechless for a moment,” I tell her as I lean in to place a kiss on her cheek. With all honesty, I can say that she really did take words away. She was a lovely vision, encased in black and gold, and her beautiful jet-black hair was wavy and cascading down her back.

“Now that is a compliment worth holding on to I believe. It is not often that a man says to a woman that she has rendered him speechless. I am extremely delighted to have that effect on you.”

I gaze into her hazel eyes again and I am lost. The power that she can weld from her gaze is hypnotic. She has cast a spell on me. I am enchanted.

As I guide her into our rented vehicle for the evening, I begin to imagine what life, with Naima by my side, would be like. I can only imagine that it would be full of children’s laughter, with lots of hugs and kisses of bruises in between, with a caring mother there to save the day.

“Damir did you hear me?”

I slowly fade back into reality to notice that Naima is watching me expectedly.

“My apologies I was imaging a fairyland where you were the princess.”

“You are laying it on kind of thick, huh? You don’t have to try so hard, I already agreed to the date.” She gently laughs afterward.

“I wasn’t aware that I was trying hard. I give credit and compliments when they are due, and trust and believe, I mean every word that I say about you woman.”

Her cheeks flushed pink at my statement.

“Now,” I continue. “What was it that you were asking me?”

“I asked where we would be dining this evening.”

“I was hoping to surprise you, but if you really would like to kn-.”

“No,” she interrupts. “I like surprises. I can wait.”

“In that case why don’t you tell me a little about yourself, since we’re practically strangers.”

She inhales slowly and is silent for the space of a heartbeat or two.

“What is it that you would like to know?” she finally asks.

“Well for starters I thought I could ask you about the first time that we met. I am interested in knowing what was bothering you that day.”

She closes here eyes and whispers “Why?”

I thought about that for a second and asked myself the same question. Why did I feel like I needed to know what was bothering her that day? If she did not want to talk about it, then she should not have to.

“You know what Ms. Naima, why is a good question. I really don’t need to know. Just know that if you ever want to talk about it I am here for you.”

“I’ll remember that. Thank you for being a gentleman and not pushing the subject any further. I really appreciate the gesture.”

“Anytime. Besides, we’ve reached one of our destinations.”

“One of our destinations? Well how many are there?”

“A couple.” I get out and reach for her hand to help her out of the vehicle. “So let’s begin our night shall we?”

“Oh my goodness. We’re on any airfield. Are you kidnapping me?” she asks with a slight giggle as the wind whips through her hair, and she turns hazel eyes on me.

I chuckle softly. “No, I am not kidnapping you. If you agree to go with me willingly, I would like to begin our date. Is that okay with you?” I ask her as I place my hand beneath her elbow and guide her toward my black Learjet 60.

“Who is Alanna?” Naima asks as she notices the name encrusted on my jet.

I clear my throat and respond, “She was my baby sister.”

She reaches out and takes my hand. “Sorry for your loss,” she says, and continues to walk toward the jet with no further words.

I glance down at her, too choked up to speak now.

The pilot came down to help us into the jet.

“Alanna is all fueled up and cleared for takeoff Mr. Collins.”

I just nod my head toward him and proceed onto the jet. Once inside, I hang back to see what Naima’s response will be, but she does not seem impressed at all. She proceeds to sit in a seat by the window. I am still trying to get my thoughts together. It was not that I could not handle hearing my sister’s name or anything. It was the fact that Naima knew that I had suffered a loss, and I needed a moment to get myself together. I cleared my throat again and drew a blank. I did not know what to say or do.

“Damir its okay, there’s no need to get shy on me. My mom calls it a gift that I have. I can sense another person’s pain. I’ll offer you the same services you offered me. If you ever want to talk about it I am here for you.”

I swallow audibly and finally say, “No one ever knew up front that I lost my sister. Your comment took me a little by surprise, and I did not know what to do for a minute. It was as if I was having an out of body experience until now.”

She looks at me as if she is about to say something, and abruptly changes the subject.

“I like your jet. It has a nice artistic flair about it, very colorful and vibrant. It seems so different from the characteristics that I see in you.”

“I actually had it designed to remind me of my sister. The Alanna represents who she was. The interior decorator I chose really captured her personality and her spirit. It’s almost as if I can feel her presence whenever I am on here.” I slowly raise my eyes to her. “Does that seem weird to you?” I ask.

“Not at all. I find it rather endearing.” She comes over and takes my hand again, “I’m already having a great time so it’s okay if you need some time to yourself to get your thoughts together.”

I feel my heart slam into my rib cage. What is it about this woman that makes me feel like, she’s Jane and I’m Tarzan. Without thinking, I sit on the edge of the chair and gently guide her to stand in between my legs and I pull her into me for a kiss and whisper, “I’ve wanted to do this since I laid eyes on you.”

“And I’ve wanted you to, I just didn’t know how badly,” she whispers back as our breath intertwines in the air and I have the opportunity to experience what forbidden fruit tastes like.

It got so good to me that I did not want to break away from her touch. Her hands began to run up my spine and I was slowly caressing the small of her back. Damn she felt good I could lay her down right here and…I pull back immediately.

She gazes up at me slowly and whispers, “What’s wrong?”

I look at her passion-filled face and stand up before I decide to take her right there. Things are escalating a lot faster than I had intended for them to, and I don’t want her to think sex is all that I want from her.

“Woman,” I replied with my chest heaving. I am out of breath. “I am not a saint, and if I don’t stop what we are doing you might have to bite off more than you can chew.”

She gave me a look like she wanted to take a bite and it definitely would not be more than she could chew. Naima seems like a woman that can hold her own. I respect that.

“Well, uh, do you want to have a drink, or would you rather talk?” I ask her as I pour a shot of vodka for myself from the bar.

“Nothing for me, thanks. I think I’d rather talk.”

“Well what would you like to talk about? Our flight won’t be landing for about another half hour, so we have plenty of time.”

“I don’t know. How about we start with you. Who is Damir, and what does he represent?”

“Well I can be your greatest ally, or your worst adversary. It depends on how you look at it. I am a businessperson. I love what I do. I meet interesting people everyday, and my job takes me all over the world. I love it.”

“While that’s fine and all, but I meant who are you? Not your job. A job should not define the man. The man should define the job. I have already dealt with a man who let his job define who he was. I am not asking for a man that lets his job define him, but for a man that defines himself.”

The woman has rendered me speechless once again. I am really going to have to stop letting her catch me off guard like this. Most women that I have dealt with in the past would have been satisfied with knowing that I was a man capable of handling my business. All they really wanted to know was how much money was in my bank account, and if I was generous enough to lavish them with any of it. That was usually all it took. I should have known that Naima would be different though. Everything about her screamed that she had been privy to a privileged life. I wonder where her world fell apart, and how she’d come to be living with her parents.

I glanced over at her and she raised an eyebrow.

“What’s the matter handsome? Cat got your tongue?”

“Not at all. You have rendered me speechless yet again. I do not know what it is about you, but I definitely need to keep on my P’s and Q’s. I am not used to a woman being so straightforward and to the point. Just going to take some getting used to is all.”

“In response to your question, I believe that my life experiences have shaped who I am. My childhood, I guess, was a normal one. I mean there were five of us, so you can imagine there was always something going on. If one of us did not get to it, another one did. My parents got it all. Alanna was the one though. I think because she was the baby, she knew that she could win people over with her pretty smile and gorgeous dimples. And to be honest, usually she did.”

I look over at Naima and she is curled in a chair staring at me intently. She seems genuinely interested, so I continue with my story.

“Alanna was eight years younger than me, and I loved her so much. Still do.” I feel my eyes begin to tear up. “But she was headstrong. You could never tell that girl anything. One of the things that I always admired about her was her free spirit. She never let anything bother her, and was always direct and to the point. I spoke to her the day she was killed. I do not know what was bothering her, but it was definitely something because there was urgency in her tone that I had never heard from her before. She told me that she was tired of the life that she was living and was ready to start anew. I think she wanted to come live with me. But we never made it that far in the conversation. She said she had to go and that was that. The last thing that I told her was that I loved her and hoped to see her soon. Well I did see her - a lot, sooner than I expected. I just never believed that it would be when she was in a coffin. I blame myself. I was not there when she needed me. I was always her protector. I told her I would always look out for her and I did not keep my word. I let her down.” I look down at the floor, the pressure behind my eyes mounting.

Naima rises and comes over to where I stand. I cannot control the falling tears.

“Damir,” she says as she comes up behind me, and wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my back. “I am so sorry that you are suffering from the loss of your sister. I know that Alanna was a lovely person, and I know that because you introduced me to her today and I can feel her presence all around us.”

I turn in her embrace and lay my head on top of hers.

“Thanks for being here and allowing me this release. I did not realize how badly I needed to hear the words out loud. I’ve been cooping that up inside me for so long, and this is the first time that I ever told another person how I really felt about the situation.”

“Release is a good thing. It is a sign that you are healing,” she says.

At that moment, the pilot came on the speaker.

“Mr. Collins we are preparing to land. Please return to your seats and put your seatbelts on.”

Kaden 10

I look over at the table and stare at the separation papers that Naima had delivered two days ago. I have yet to actually sit and go over them. I feel as if I am in a trance with no way of coming out. Naima has been gone for six weeks now. SIX! When she left, I thought it was something that would blow over, but I could not have been more wrong. She really was not playing this time and all I have to do is look at the separation papers to prove it.

Not only does she want a divorce, she called to tell me that she wants full custody of our children, as if I would fight her. Does she really expect me to dedicate my time to take care of them? I am trying to work through my own issues. Plus, I have Kaven so all is not lost. The kids were mostly for her anyway. All I ever wanted was Naima. She is beautiful inside and out, and I know I lost her because of my own stupidity.

What is a man to do in a world where women outnumber men 10 to one, and there obviously is not enough time to get with them all? I guess I am living proof of what happens when you have the most amazing woman and you do not know how to treat her. There will never be another Naima; no one will ever get even close.

There is an aura about her, that just by being around her makes you feel like a better person. I messed up bad. There will never be another Mrs. Fairchild. She will remain the only one privileged enough to carry my name. I do not know what I am going to do without her. These last six weeks have been hell.

I get depressed every morning when I wake up and she is not here. The house feels so large and empty without her in it. I never realized how much hearing her voice, seeing her smile and watching her bustle around everywhere, meant to me until she left.

Now, in this house, you can hear a pin drop. The silence is killing me. I am meeting with a realtor today. I need to move. Living here is not going to work. Everywhere I turn, I see representation of my former life, and who I used to be. I have to get outta here I think to myself as I head to my yellow Lamborghini custom-made for yours truly. I love my car. Next to Naima, she will always be the sexist female I roll with.

I am on my way to meet with my realtor to downsize, thinking about moving to the city. I love the atmosphere that Washington, D.C. offers.

My appointment is in about 20 minutes, so I decide to stop at the local, historic Ben’s Chili Bowl. I love this place. No chilidogs like the ones they have here.

As I get out of my car and proceed to walk in, I am stopped by who I assume to be a fan. Turns out, he is the best thing that has happened to me in the last six weeks.

“Are you Kaden Fairchild the NFL player?” asks the stranger.

“That would be me the one and only, and you are?” I say while extending my hand to him.

“I’m Damir Collins,” he says as he returns my handshake. “Man, I used to love to watch you play. I heard about your accident a while back.”

“Yeah, it was pretty bad. I broke my back and shattered my knee, so there went my career.” I tell him.

“Oh, sorry to hear that. I know how a sudden career change can be devastating. I happen to be a recruiting agent for ESPN. We are currently searching for commentators in the Washington Metropolitan area. So if time permits, why don’t you give me a call at the office sometime?” He offers as he gives me his business card. “And if you’re interested we can give you some screen tests to see how you do on camera and to see if you have what it takes.”

I take his card and cannot believe my good fortune. Finally, a brother is receiving some good news.

“Thanks man. I will be sure to give you a call soon.”

I am ecstatic. I may have a job in the field that I love so much. I am about to relocate downtown and get rid of that big house in Potomac, MD. My life is definitely looking up. I think I just may go to church on Sunday. I go get my chilidog.

As I am, leaving Ben’s Chili Bowl, and making my way back to the car, my cell phone vibrates and Haven’s number pops on the screen.

Would this woman ever leave me alone? I mean DAMN! I debate whether to answer, then finally give in. You never know, something might be wrong with Kaven.

“Yeah?” I say as I pick up.

“What do you mean yeah? Is that how you’re answering my calls these days?”

“Haven I don’t have time for the games. What do you want? I’m busy.”

“Too busy for me baby?” she croons.

I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it. This chick is crazy.

“Yeah, pretty much. Unless this has something to do with Kaven, I have to go.”

“WAIT! Don’t hang up…uh…I was wondering if you would like company tonight?”

“Bitch please! Have you completely lost your damn mind? I want nothing to do with you. My hand will give me better company than anything you can offer. Do you understand? Anything that we had going is over and done. You are psycho! You cost me Naima. You are lucky I let you breathe. Now stay the hell away from me,” I say and hang up my cell.

Women never cease to amaze me, always thinking that they are God’s gift to men. They think that the world revolved around their asses. Haven has some nerve, crazy bitch. Something tells me she is going to be a problem. Maybe it is time I give some serious thought to this situation. It may be time to handle Haven once and for all.

Mr. Fairchild I believe that you will love the Northwestern side of the District. It has everything that you are asking for - serenity, peace of mind, and quiet. This is the rural part of DC. Many come and are skeptical at first, but soon learn that it is a place to be cherished.

My realtor must have been reading my mind when he made that comment before he proceeded to show me around. Now that I am looking at the area, it looks quaint enough, but I am thinking about tourist season and millions of people…more along those lines. However, there was a sense of serenity about the area as he mentioned.

Then he turns onto Maryland Avenue, with me following in my Lamborghini, and there is my house sitting up on the hill. I mean there is nothing spectacular about the house. It is a townhouse and is plain in appearance but it has my name written all over it.

I pull out my cell and called my realtor.

“I want that house right there, the one at the top of the hill.”

My realtor points out the ‘SOLD’ sign in the front of the house.

“I want that house,” I tell him again. “Make it happen.”

“You haven’t even seen the inside of the house or how much it costs or –.”

I cut him off mid sentence.

“Listen, that’s the house I want end of discussion. I am not worried about cost. Just see to it that I am moving in as soon as possible. Whatever it takes, I don’t give a damn just get me into the house.”

With that said, I disconnect from the call. I do not have time for discussion.

I have to run past Naima’s parent’s house this evening so I can see Namiyah and Kalani. Naima is allowing me one visit a week - that just became effective today. This is mainly a courtesy of Naima, since she sent the divorce papers and a request for full custody of our children. To tell the truth, I just want to see her. I have not seen her in six weeks. I am anxious to see if just maybe I can talk her into going to dinner with me tonight. You never know, stranger things have happened.

I arrive at my soon to be ex-in-laws home, to see the kids playing in the yard. Namiyah is flying around the house in her rollerblades and Kalani is following behind her on his big wheel. I smile in spite of myself. They really are some gorgeous kids. I might not want to take care of them, but that does not mean that I do not love them. There is no denying that Naima and I have some great genes.

“Daddy!” Namiyah screams as I get out of the car, and rolls over to me. I lean down and pick her up as she promptly gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Where have you been? We’ve only been at Granny and Granddad’s forever,” she asks me.

“Your dad has been trying to get over here its just a lot has been on my plate,” I tell her as I put her back down.

“Oh,” she huffs and rolls away.

I feel a thump at my ankle and look down. Kalani has bumped into me with his big wheel.

“How’s my big man?” I ask him as I bend down, scoop him up, and proceed to the front door.

“I no big man, I Kalani,” he informs me.

I chuckle softly, “You’re Kalani and my big man. You can be both,” I tell him. Then he lays his head on my shoulder and sighs. I feel a slight twinge of regret. I do miss times like this. I did not get too many moments like this with Namiyah. I was always at a game or on a road trip or partying. I never had any time to sit back and let my baby girl rest her head on my shoulder. I bet Naima has all type of memories like this. I missed everything with all three of my kids. I missed first words, first teeth, first crawls, first steps, and Namiyah and Kaven’s first days of school. Maybe this time around, I will get to see Kalani off to school.

I enter into the house. “Hey, anybody home?” I shout.

“Boy, don’t you come in this house keeping all of that noise,” says Mrs. Cynthia, Naima’s mother, as she comes from around the corner.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Cynthia. I didn’t see Naima’s car outside, and didn’t hear anyone in here.”

“That still ain’t no reason to go around shouting in people’s houses,” she chastised wearily. “Naima stepped out for a little while, and she should be back shortly.”

Namiyah walked in at that moment.

“Mommy went on a date. She looked real pretty when she left too. She let me help her get dressed and let me put on some of her lipstick. It was fun.”

“Namiyah hush your face and go wash up for dinner.”

“Aww…but Granny I wasn’t finished skating. I just came in to use the bathroom.”

“I understand you want to play baby, and I promise tomorrow you can go back out when you get home from school, okay? Right now it is time for dinner, so go wash your face and hands.”

“Okay,” she says as she crosses her arms and sticks out her bottom lip, while heading for the steps.

“Naima went on a date?” I turn and ask Mrs. Cynthia as she comes to take a sleeping Kalani out of my arms.

“As a matter of fact-,” Mrs. Cynthia started, when the front door opened.

“Hey mom! I’m back.” Naima says. Her voice sends tingles down my spine. I have not seen her in six weeks. It feels like forever. She has yet to see me around the other side of the foyer wall. “I had the best time with Da-.” She stops.

“Naima look who’s here,” Mrs. Cynthia interrupts, as she turns to take Kalani up the stairs. Damn. I wanted to hear who she went out with.

“Who? Is it Kaden?” she asks while she proceeds to walk through the foyer. “I thought I saw his car outside. I know he was supposed to come by and see the kids this evening.”

She comes around the corner looking like a movie star. She was in the wrong industry. She needs to be on someone’s big screen or on billboards. I am so stupid. How could I have lost this woman? She stops when she sees me. I cannot see her eyes beneath her shades, but it looks as if she had to catch her breath.

“Hello Kaden, how have you been?” she asks as she kicks off her shoes, pushes her shades on top of her head, sits on the couch in the living room.

“I’ve been doing okay. How about you? How have you been the last couple of weeks?” I ask as I follow her into the living room. I feel like a dog in heat or something. I want to be close to Naima so bad. I want to feel her and run my fingers through her long silky hair.

“Happy,” is her response.

“So what does that mean? I didn’t make you happy?”

“Kaden let’s not get into it, okay? I’m tired and I don’t want to be bothered with this right now.”

“Naima I was just asking a question. No need to get defensive. It’s not like I asked who you went out on a date with.”

“Oh, so that is what this is all about? You found out that I was on a date, and now you are stuck in your feelings. I do not have time for this. I am going to bed. If you wish to stay, you can eat dinner with Namiyah and put her to bed if you like. You know Kalani cannot hang; he will be knocked out until tomorrow. Good night.”

“Wait…don’t leave.” I say as I reach for her. “There’s something that I have been meaning to ask you.”

She takes a deep breath and asks, “What is it?”

“I want to know if you think that there may ever be a chance of us working this out, and maybe, if we took it really slow, be able to be together again?”

“Kaden let’s not do this. I gave you everything I had to offer, and you just took, took and took. You never gave me anything in return. You never gave me your time or your affection.” She pauses and her eyes start to water. “There is nothing left in me to give to you. No more, time, no more affection, nothing. I am done. Love was enough to get us together, but it was not enough to keep us together. I wish you no ill will. I will not stand in the way of you seeing your kids, but there will never be anything else between you and me besides co-parenting. Good night.”

Then she retreats up the stairs. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands. I lost. She was not coming back.

Mrs. Cynthia came back in the room and saw me with my head bent down in my hands.

“Kaden are you staying for dinner? Namiyah wants you to. She’s almost done with her bath and should be joining us shortly.” She takes a closer look at me. “You doing okay?” she asks.

“Mrs. Cynthia I messed up. I messed up real bad. I do not think I will be staying for dinner. Can you tell my little muffin that I will see her next week when I come to visit?” I did not listen for a reply. I grab my keys off the table and head for the door.

Damir 11

Naima walked out of the bathroom, in an indigo towel with her long, black hair dripping down her back. I like the way it waves up at the ends and sticks to her caramel skin. Everything about this woman excites me. From the way, she looks up at me with those hazel eyes, all the way down to her perfectly pedicured toes.

I can tell she is nervous by the way, she flips her hair over her shoulder and gives a little giggle, almost as if she is unsure of herself. My job is to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I reach for her hand and she takes a deep breath and slowly reaches for mine in return. As I sit down on my bed, I gently pull her to stand in between my open legs. I bring her close and hug her as I bury my face into her flat stomach. She smells so good. She hesitantly brings her arm up, lays her hand on top of my head, and slowly begins to caress my scalp. I think that I am going to explode right here on the spot.

I gently grab her hand, stand up, sweep her up into my arms, and slowly lower her onto the bed. I have to force myself to go slow. I want her so badly and the anticipation is killing me. The way she keeps looking up at me, I know that if I do not do something fast, this is going to be a premature night. I decide to distract myself by concentrating on getting her out of that wet towel that she is clutching rather tightly.

She astounds me. Everything about Naima is perfect the way that she breathes, and the way that her symmetrical, copper nipples rise and fall with each breath. I am enchanted. She has a naval ring that says Naughty, and a bikini wax that I cannot wait to kiss.

I swear this woman is going to kill me if I did not do something soon. My insides are screaming for release, aching for her. I look into her eyes, slowly lower my head, and suck on her bottom lip. The way that she responds to my touch is amazing.

Her breathing is growing shallow as she starts to arch her back and moan. No woman had ever been this responsive from a solitary kiss from me. I decide to explore her body more to see what type of reaction I can ignite from her. I begin kissing her neck and lightly bite her collarbone and she continues to moan softly as my mouth closes around her nipple. I softly tug at it and she let out a sigh and a little whimper. I did not think it was possible, but I immediately grow harder from the sounds she is making.

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

I jump up in surprise. The sound of the phone ringing startled me out of my sleep. Damn I was dreaming. Naima felt so good, and too real. I could still feel her heartbeat pulsating under my tongue as I caressed her…

Brrring! Brrring!

I slowly let the daydream vanish as I leap for the telephone; I really have to start focusing more on my surroundings and less on my fantasies.

“Hello?” I say to a dead receiver, as whoever was on the other end of the line hung up.

Damn, so now, I have been awakened from my dream, and I missed the phone. I guess I could go and check the caller ID. It is just that I feel that if the call was that important, whoever it was would leave a message. On second thought, it could be Naima, and missing all of that lusciousness would be a crime. I make my way over to the caller ID. I scroll through my missed calls and realize that Amber was the missed call. I wonder what she was calling for. We have not spoken since dinner that night several weeks ago. I am also a little ticked that she interrupted my dream about Naima. I sit and think for a minute and decide to call her back.

“Hello?”

“Hey Amber, I just missed your call. What is going on with you? Long time no hear.”

There is silence on the other end.

“Hello?” I say.

“Damir, we need to talk. When will you be available to see me?”

“My time is limited. Why can’t we talk now?”

“I just think that it would be better if we talk in person.”

“Amber.” Once again like so many times before, I find myself trying to keep the impatience out of my voice. “Will you please just tell me what is on your mind?”

“Damir, I’m pregnant…and it’s yours”

I drop the phone. She cannot be pregnant. This is a nightmare, and I know that I will be waking up soon. I have to. I hear her saying my name and I feel as if I am in a trance. I bend down to retrieve the phone.

“Damir are you there?”

“Yes Amber, I am here. I am trying to figure if I am dreaming or not. How can the baby be mine? We haven’t been intimate in over two months.”

“I know but I didn’t want to tell you until I knew that I wouldn’t miscarry. I am exactly 15 weeks.”

“How did this happen? You were the one that did not want children. You told me you were on birth control pills. I am confused. So you’re telling me that the last time I saw you at the restaurant you were pregnant, and you didn’t even tell me. What type of games are you playing? You must take me for a fool.”

“Damir it’s not like that. I was listening every time that you said you wanted children, and somewhere along the line I decided to stop taking my birth control and let fate take its course.”

“Woman you must be crazy. I wore a condom every time that I was with you.”

“I know,” she stops and clears her throat. “I guess one of those times it didn’t work,” she says so softly I could barely hear her. “You want children and I want you. So if I have to have a baby to keep you then so be it.”

I run my hand down my face. My head is beginning to throb. I cannot believe this. I have always been one of the good guys. I never lead women on. I am always honest about my feelings towards them and yet I still get caught up in drama. What the hell?

“Amber this is crazy. As much as I want children, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I did not want them with you. That is why I took the necessary steps to protect myself. You don’t even like kids. Do you think that having one for me will make you instantly gain motherly instincts?” Damn, I wish I were anyone other than myself at the moment.

“Damir, I did this for you - for us.” I could hear her sobbing on the other end of the phone.

“Amber I’m not buying the crying crap, so cut it out. You not wanting children was not the only problem in our relationship. I told you that.”

“I know, but I figured if I gave you what you wanted, then you would give me what I want…you.”

“You’re psycho. I cannot deal with this right now. I never took you for the conniving, devious type. Why did you do this? Then you conveniently wait three months to tell me. This is foul. I can’t believe that you would stoop so low.”

“Damir, I love you. Please love me enough to forgive me. We can make this work. I’ll try to love the baby.”

“See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I do not want a woman that has to try to love my baby, her baby. I want a woman who does not think like that, and loves our baby automatically and unconditionally with no equivocations. Amber you are not the woman for me. I will be there for my child, but it does not change what has transpired between us. I have moved on with a life, and that does not include you. You should not have played these games.”

“Damir…I’m giving you one last chance.”

“Amber, it’s over. It has been over. I have tried to be nice to you, but obviously, that does not work. As of right now, I am done. I want to be there for my child, so please call me when you go on doctors visits. Other than that, we have nothing to talk about.”

“You told me that you loved me.”

“I did love and respect you as a friend, but you have lost my respect now. Congratulations on our baby. I have to go.”

“You’ll be sorry Damir, I promise you that.” With that, the line went dead.

What in the hell had gone wrong in my world? One minute I am sitting here dreaming about Naima, and the next, I find out I am going to be a father. Amber is psychotic.

I sit on my chaise lounge and drop my head into my hands. Why me? Why now? Don’t get me wrong, of course I want children, but I always took the necessary precautions to prevent a pregnancy with Amber. I wanted all my children to be by the same woman, my wife, and in the blink of an eye, Amber has turned my whole world upside down.

Haven 12

“She won’t accept my phone calls, petty heifer. The least she could do, out of common courtesy, is call me back and let me explain. I mean really. It is not that deep. Plus we need to decide how to tell the children about what is going on. Kaven keeps asking about his god brother and god sister and why we haven’t seen them.”

I was actually at work today. I had to stop being trifling and calling in sick every other day, before they up and fire my ass. I work as a sales consultant; a majority of my salary comes from commission sales, and if I do not come to work, I’m not making any sales - not that I’m hurting for money, mind you. Kaden pays me more than enough to take care of Kaven.

“Haven I really don’t know what to tell you. You made your bed now you have to lay in it.”

Amber, my direct manager, had the audacity to try to give me advice. I look at her out the corner of my eye. Shoot, her man just dropped her less than two months ago and here she is about four months pregnant. She has some nerve. She is pretty much in the same boat I am. She obviously did not have what it took to make that relationship work, so how is she going to stand there and try to school me on my friendship with my best friend?

“Uh, excuse me? Aren’t you the same person that stopped taking your birth control pills, and started poking holes in condoms? Now look at you walking around here carrying a baby that you do not want by a man that does not want you. Let ye without sin, cast the first stone. Since that obviously ain’t you, I advise you to shut it.”

“Could you lower your voice and stop putting my business in the street? I am still your immediate supervisor, and this is a work environment. I am tired of hearing about your problems. You are not the only one going through something.”

“Yeah honey but the difference is you brought your problems on yourself.”

“Last time I checked, so did you. Do not let this pregnancy fool you Haven; I am not in the mood for your shit, okay? I am not your friend Naima. I will do more than slap you. I will drop you on your ass.”

“Why such vulgar language Amber? How ever did you manage to fool your high and mighty baby daddy into thinking you had class?” I ask with a look of exaggerated surprise.

“Haven please, I didn’t have to act. No man has ever told me that I did not have class, unlike your nasty ass baby daddy.”

“Okay you took it there,” I say looking at her through squinted eyes. “You know what? Let’s end this conversation before I say ‘fuck you and your pregnancy’ and slam your head into the wall, and get brought up on assault charges for attacking a pregnant woman.”

“What does it matter anyway?” Amber said as she hung her head down and a tear escaped her eyes. “He doesn’t want me. Hold me so, point blank.”

“I know. You know what? I’m tired of our no-good baby daddies getting away with treating us this way. I mean the least they can do is be courteous. They owe us that much.”

“I’m just so mad,” Amber says as she stares right through her glass of water. “He told me he wanted kids. I cannot stand kids. I never wanted to have kids. All I ever wanted was him, and this is the thanks I get. I am so pissed at myself for thinking he would come around. What am I supposed to do with a baby? I damn sure do not want to have to raise it. I have already gained 20 pounds. I cannot believe that women actually enjoy this. I can’t wait to get this baby out of me so I can move on with my life.”

“What do you mean move on with your life?” I look at her incredulously. “Kids are forever, Amber. You don’t just have them and they go away. I swear you are stupid.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do with it? I don’t want it.”

“Then give it to your baby daddy. He is the one that wants the kid anyway. Let him raise it. Or you can keep it, and have him pay you child support out the ass to raise his child. Then you can send it to boarding school or something. Shoot, either way you look at it, it’s a win-win situation.”

“I never thought about it like that. Is that what you do to deal with being a mom?”

“No honey, I don’t deal with being a mom. I love being a mom and I love my son. I don’t see how you can carry a child and not love it. I may be many things, and Kaden has called me quite a few, but I’m a damn good mother, and I know it.”

She looks over at me then as if a thought has just crossed her mind

“Does it upset you when I say I don’t want my baby?”

I shrug my shoulders with indifference “No, why should it? It is your body and your baby. You are inclined to feel however you want. Unlike you, I am not casting any stones. Live your life however you want to live it.”

“I guess I can respect that.” she takes a hesitant pause. “What are you going to do about your friend?”

“I don’t know. I keep trying to imagine if I were her, how I would feel, but I just cannot seem to do it. Naima has always had everything handed to her. It seems so unfair that she got Kaden too”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe you were being a little selfish in this whole ordeal? I mean she was your best friend, and you have been screwing around with her husband pretty much as long as she has. Then you had the nerve to have a baby by him, and continue the affair to present day. Shoot, that’s a lot to swallow. If I were her, I would have put your ass six feet under. No doubt about it.”

“Yeah, but Naima is soft. She does not have the heart. We’ll be friends again. I guarantee it.”

“You know what I have learned in life?”

I turn and glance at her “No. What?”

“You should never underestimate anyone, and always expect the unexpected. That is what Damir did wrong. He thought I was an angel, and totally underestimated what I am capable of, and still does. He’ll see. I will have the last laugh.”

I give Amber a look and cannot help thinking that this chick is psycho. I mean really psycho. Her eyes look like a crazed lunatic.

She sees me starring at her.

“What? Why you looking at me like that?”

“Because I’m thinking about how psychotic you sound. It almost gives me chills. You’re not thinking of doing something stupid are you?”

“Stupid? Like what?” She says with a twisted laugh, “I was just talking out loud and messing around. I would never do anything to Damir. Never.”

It sounded more as if she was trying to convince herself than me. I give her one last look, then turn and walk back to my cubicle.

Emeri 13

I can barely contain the hurt that I am feeling. I buried my mom a week ago. I have a variety of emotions consuming me. I knew that my mama’s time was limited, but no matter how prepared you think you are for the death of your parent, the truth is, that you never really are. It is like the SATs. Nothing truly prepares you, except for experience. The sad part is my grandparents actually had the audacity to show up. They have not cared two cents about my mother since she got pregnant with me, but they decided to come to the funeral and actually try to forge some form of relationship with me out of thin air. They must have really bumped their heads, the bastards. I will not have anything to do with them. I have wondered about them my whole life. They have never tried to contact with me - not even once. No birthday cards or phone calls to say hi, nothing. So trying to reach out to me at my mothers’ funeral is disrespectful and rude. They can kiss my ass for all I care.

I am at the house in my mama’s room trying to go through her things. I have finally gotten up the nerve to rummage through the trunk that she was so adamant I go through to discover information about my father. I never knew that my Mama had so many photos. For the life of me, I cannot recall her being into taking pictures that much. Going through them, I come across one where she must have been in her late teens. She is sitting at a bar with a very handsome Black man. I bring the photo up to my face for a closer look, and my hand begins to shake. I almost drop the photo. I turn the photo over, and sure enough, it read Blanca and Kenneth, Happy 18th to me, in my mama’s handwriting. I turn the photo back over to the front and study the guy in the shot. I have seen this man before. He was at the funeral. I am in shock. I cannot believe that I was in the same room as my father and did not even know that we had been breathing the same air.

The funeral was a rather small one, as my Mama only went to work, and would come straight home to provide for me. As her condition worsened, she never really went out at all. I knew all of her co-workers and friends, so of course I was curious when a man I never saw before came to the wake to view the body. He then silently took a seat in the back. I had noticed him, but had not really put much thought into it. After all, it was my mama’s funeral and they might as well have buried the other side of my heart.

It is amazing to see what my father looked like all those years ago. Even though the photograph is, 25-years-old, he pretty much looks the same, except for a few extra pounds and gray hair. I begin to pick apart his features; it is almost creepy how much I look like him. I may be bi-racial, but I say I have more Black in me than Puerto Rican. My hair is a wild array of crinkly curls. It is just all over the place. My mama’s hair was silky and bone straight. She never quite knew what to do with my hair so she just sort of let it be. My nose is a little wider than hers. I have slanted eyes, as she did, but they are a light brown, whereas hers were a very dark brown. Honestly, I did not get too much from my mama. As I previously stated, I look so much like the stranger in the photo, that it is scary. I continue to look at the photograph and curiosity gets the best of me. I wonder what my father would say if he got a chance to meet me after all these years. Would he accept me, or would he reject me as if he and my mother never were? Would I mess up his life? It would be nice to have a sibling. I always wanted an older sister, and according to my mama, he had a daughter. I wonder what she would think of me. Would she embrace me or turn me away? Would she think that I had come to mess up her family?

I just do not know what to do. Part of me wants to go there and demand they get to know me and love me and realize that we had all been cheated out of getting to know one another. Another part of me doesn’t want to make the attempt for fear of rejection. I am so confused. I look at the photo one last time, put it back into the trunk, and look to see if I can find any other pictures of my mama and Kenneth. She was such a pretty girl, I wonder why she kept all of her photos locked up and hidden like this.

There were only two photos I saw relevant to the time frame I was seeking, One where she was obviously pregnant with me, but she looked so sad and forlorn, as if she were wishing that she was in a far away place. In the other photo, she was holding me at the hospital, and she had the same dejected look on her face as in the other one. Life, knowing that she had to raise me alone, must have been hard for her to swallow. She looked so lost. I put that picture back and continued to dig deeper. At the bottom of the box, there are a couple pieces of crumpled paper that immediately piqued my interest. I grab them and leave everything else in the box. As I unfold the papers slowly, I begin to get an uneasy feeling that my life may be changed by whatever is written on them. I look down and begin to read:

January 10, 1984

Kenneth,

How do I even begin? I am all out of sorts lately. I did not mean what I said earlier about the baby. I never miscarried. I just didn’t want you to have to suffer, and ruin your life because you had a little too much fun with an overzealous teenage girl once upon a time. Somehow, in this equation, it does not seem fair to me. I am the one that is left with the burden of a baby to raise by myself. My parents have disowned me. I have nothing. There are days that I regret meeting you and getting pregnant. I resent this baby inside of me so much. This baby has taken away my youth and my life, and replaced it with what? An uncertain future? A child that will never have the chance to know its father? I don’t even know the first thing about raising a baby. What if I screw this kid up? I do not know what I am doing. I wish that I could talk to you but I realize my place. You used me and while I know I may have been a willing participant, I did not expect things to turn out this way. I do not know what I expected. I just know that this was not it. I no longer want the baby. What was I thinking? I cannot do this…I cannot.

The one you screwed over,

Blanca

Wow, my Mama didn’t even want me. I felt the tears pressing against my lids. I continue on to the next piece of paper.

April 28, 1984

Kenneth,

You have no idea what you are missing. I had a beautiful baby girl. She is gorgeous. I named her Emeri Kendall. I could not name her Kenneth, so Kendall was the best I could do. This way she has a small piece of you attached to her. I cannot explain it, but I love her so much already and she has barely even opened her eyes twice. To think I did not want her. How could I have been so selfish? No matter what, I promise I will find a way to take care of her. She looks just like you too. Not too much of me in her. Ten fingers and ten toes…she’s a miracle and you know what the good part is, she’s all mine and no one will ever be able to take her away from me. Not ever. I am going to love her for now and always.

Thank you so much for my precious gift,

Blanca

A teardrop escapes from my eye and travels down the worn paper. I miss my mama so much. It is astonishing how close I feel to her through her written letters. There is a time lapse between the next letter and the one that I had just read. Mama must have been too busy concerned with me to write.

September 16, 1989

Kenneth,

You cannot imagine the worry that Emeri just put me through. They had to rush her to the hospital from kindergarten today. My baby fell off the monkey bars and landed square on her face. She scraped all the skin off her cheek and chin. When I went to the hospital, her face was wrapped in bandages. She looked like a little mummy. I felt so bad when she saw me and tried to smile. It was so heart wrenching. Oh my baby!

Worried,

Blanca

August 15, 1998

Kenneth,

Emeri is starting high school! Where has the time gone? I cannot believe how grown up she is now. I wish that you could see her. She is absolutely beautiful. I swear every time I look at her, I see you. She is so calm. Her temperament comes from you because I know I used to be hell on Earth. I have been thinking that maybe you should meet her. I think she would love to meet you. She might hate me for what I have done to her life, but it seems like such an injustice to you not to see how wonderful she is.

Confused,

Blanca

June 1, 2002

Kenneth,

I did it! Emeri is graduating high school in four days. I managed to raise her, and I must say, I did a pretty good job. My baby is graduating at the top of her class. She is the valedictorian. How exciting is that? I got her through high school without going through a pregnancy or being addicted to drugs or boys. God could not have blessed me with a better child. How did I ever get so lucky? Meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you for adding her to my life.

Extremely Proud,

Blanca

I picked up the last letter, which was in an addressed envelope.

February 14, 2008

Kenneth,

I am dying. Can you believe that? Breast cancer is killing me. My body cannot fight it any longer. I’ve been thinking long and hard. Actually, for the last couple of years, I have been going back and forth about this. I really want you to meet our daughter. I believe that she will bring a joy to your life that you have never known before. I know that my time here is short and I want her to have family somewhere. Please find it in your heart to except her, despite the situation. I know I was wrong to keep her from you, but blame me for that. Do not blame Emeri. I know that you have a good heart Kenneth, which is one of the reasons that I fell so hard for you. I never loved anyone after you. You were the only one. I loved you the best way I knew how, through Emeri. Forgive me.

Love,

Blanca

My hand was shaking by the time I finished reading the last letter. I cannot believe that my mother still loved my father after all these years. That kind of love was almost unheard of. I look down at all of the papers spread out around me and contemplate what to do. I feel so unsure of myself. Ever since my mama broke the news to me of my father not knowing about me, and then seeing him at the funeral, made me want to seek him out and get the opportunity to know him. I would love to see what kind of person my sister is, and to find out if we resembled each other in looks, or have any of the same personality traits. I look on the outside of the envelope again and study the address. Maybe I will pay my father a visit….

…I never realized how pretty Maryland can be. I am used to the streets of New York City, with all of the hustle and bustle going on. Here, it is so pure and the air seems so fresh. There are rolling green hills everywhere. I think I’m in love with the area already. The trip down was uneventful. I just hopped in my car and decided to go for it before I lost my nerve. Now that I am nearing my destination, I am beginning to feel a little apprehensive. What would Kenneth think when he laid eyes on me? What will his wife think of his obvious infidelity with a young Puerto Rican girl from New York all those years ago? My nerves are starting to get the best of me; maybe this was not such a good idea.

Naima 14

“Camille, can you come into my office please?” I say into the intercom.

Another day almost complete at the office, and I am as unfocused as you can get. I have been trying to piece together the details of Damir’s birthday extravaganza for the meeting that we are having tomorrow. I was trying my best to put something really intricate and exciting together for him, so he would know just how well the company could throw a party for him, but my thoughts keep drifting to how wonderful he is.

“Yes, Ms. Vaughn?” I turn to look at Camille as she interrupts my thoughts.

“Camille can you tell me the status of Mr. Collins party? I am going through his paperwork and cannot seem to fabricate two thoughts into my head.”

“Well,” she starts slowly. “No one has really been working on his party. You are the sole consultant, so we were just waiting for you to give us the word go.”

The headache that I just got rid of came back at full force with her comment. I slowly nod my head and then slice my eyes at her.

“Do you mean to tell me that not one vendor has been called, and nothing has been planned since the first day that he walked into this office?” I put down the paperwork I was reviewing and gave her my undivided attention. “Please explain to me how I am supposed to give him a run down by tomorrow when we have nothing accomplished?”

“I don’t have an answer, Ms. Vaughn.”

“Camille, you have been working here long enough to know the drill. Once you have received his completed questionnaire you are supposed to get things in motion.” I continue to look at her as she cocks her head to the side and shift her weight to the other foot. “Never mind about all that,” I say to her, “Can you please start calling caterers and other vendors who can help us bring the seventies theme together? Thanks.” Without waiting for her reply, I turn back to my computer, dismissing her. Good help sure is hard to find.

I rub my temple; my headache is building momentum. I jump as my private line begins to ring. Picking up the receiver slowly as I feel the pain in my temple increase, I am really not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Hello?”

“Naima please don’t hang up, please listen to what I have to say, please.” I hear a familiar voice pleading with me on the other end and groan inwardly. Lord knows I do not need this right now.

“Haven, what do you want? I have nothing to discuss with you.”

“I just want to explain to you what happened. I want us to be friends again.”

“You know what Haven, as much as you want to be friends again, I don’t. I don’t have time for this, so listen and listen good, because I don’t want there to be any confusion as to what I am about to say to you. I am only going to say it once. Our friendship is over. I want nothing to do with you. I don’t like you, can’t stand you, and I am perfectly okay with never seeing you again. With that being said, I have to go now. There are more pressing matters that I must attend to.” I hang up the phone. The nerve of that girl. I really don’t know why we were ever friends in the first place.

I swivel in my chair and look out the window. I want to call it a day so bad because it looks so nice out. The sun is shining and you can hear the sound of children’s laughter as they are getting out of school and head home. Feeling nostalgic, I think of how Haven and I used to be when we were their age. We used to have a ball. I don’t think I have one childhood memory that she is not in. How could I have misjudged her so much? I loved her like a sister. I still love her, but how can I forgive what she did to me? It feels like she personally attacked me for the last eight years of my life. She acted as if my feelings did not matter in the grand scheme of things, as long as she got what she wanted she was justified in her actions. Laying my head on the window, I keep thinking how life is crazy. I never thought my life would turn out like this. Not my life. It was supposed to be perfect. I had the man of my dreams, that gave me beautiful children, and a best friend that I would do anything for. Look how that shit turned out. I look at the children on the sidewalk again, and smile. They make me miss Namiyah and Kalani. It’s amazing, when I’m around them, I want a break from them but when I am away from them, I am always afraid that I am going to miss something. I let out a long sigh as I swivel back around to face the mountain of paperwork on my desk. Oh, well. There is work to be done. The upside to this madness is that Damir and I are meeting for Happy Hour at his place this evening. I cannot wait to see that sexy man again. I am wearing my risqué lingerie today. I definitely plan to get me some tonight. It has been way too long since I had some skin-on-skin action. Way too long.

A couple of hours later

Today has felt like the longest day in my life, even more so than birthing my babies. Camille finally did her job, and we pulled together many of the details for Damir’s party, which I, for one, am extremely excited about. Now I can look like the professional that I am in our meeting tomorrow.

I look around my office one more time, and believe that it is definitely a wrap. I grab my blue and white Dooney & Bourke purse and head for the door. The ride to Damir’s house does not take long. Probably because I am so anxious to get there, I am flying down the road as if I have lost my mind. I have directions in one hand, while I’m steering wheel with the other. I really need to invest in a GPS system, but I will worry about that another time. When I pull up in front of his place, he is sitting outside on his front step with a white tank top, basketball shorts, white socks and Nike slippers waiting for me. He looked good enough to eat for dessert, and everyone that know me, knows how much I love dessert.

He stands up as I park, and makes his way over to my car to open the door for me.

“Hey you. How you doing today?” I ask him as I get out of the car.

He closes my door, and immediately picks me up and spins me in a circle, and buries his face in my hair.

“You smell good. You have no idea how good you feel in my arms,” he says as he tightens his arms around me. “My day is going so much better now that you are here.”

The simple words coming out of his mouth sound like the most erotic, sensual foreplay you could ever imagine. He would not have to do too much; my body is already responding to his voice.

He put me down so that I could follow him into his house.

I like his house. It reminds me of that MTV show Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. His house is pretty much laid out like theirs, very impressive. Shoot, I do not even have my own house anymore. Having to move back in with my parents was definitely not where it was at, too hard to get your grown and sexy on.

Damir took me straight to the basement, where his bar is located, and promptly made me a vodka and cranberry drink.

I look at him in amazement.

“So umm, you’re not going to give me a grand tour of the place?” I ask him.

“The only tour I want to go on,” he says as he tilts my face up and fixates his gaze on mine, “involves my hands and your body. Any other kind of tour you are talking about can wait. Right now I want you to sit down, take this drink,” which he hands me, “and relax while I give you a full body massage.”

I took a few sips of my vodka and cranberry. The words body massage sent a tingle up my spine. Just the idea of Damir running his hands up and down my flesh, made my body hot, or maybe it might be the drink he made for me. I do not know which, but Damir had my mind gone.

**************************************************

I rode home in silence. It is unbelievable how bad my head was pounding now. I must have had way too many drinks. I do not even want to think, much less drive. Everything seems like it is too much to handle today - well everything but Damir, that is. He has been such a delicious distraction from my life. Just thinking about him, and how he made my body feel, had me about to buck a U-turn. Whoo…good times, good times.

As I am pulling into my parent’s driveway, I notice a car parked a small distance away from the tree in the front yard. That is not completely out of the ordinary, since they do have neighbors who park wherever they want to. This time, for some reason it seems a little strange. From the looks of it, the driver keeps glancing at the house, as if trying to figure something out. I slowly get out of my car, trying to form some type of conclusion as to why the person keeps looking at my parent’s house. As I approach the front door, I hear a car door open and close. I turn to look, as the driver of the vehicle begins to move toward me. The person that I am staring at is astonishing. She looks like an exotic model, with her slightly slanted light brown eyes, crinkly, tossed shoulder-length brown streaked blond hair, and she stands about 5’9. I look at her expectantly while she glances around and hesitates before she speaks.

“Good evening. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience of showing up, but I was wondering if a Kenneth Vaughn lives here?”

I look at her in speculation. I wonder what she could possibly want with my dad.

I lift my eyebrows at her. “That depends. May I ask who you are?”

“I am the daughter of an old friend of his, who passed away recently and wanted to pay him a visit. Are you related to him?” she asks as her light brown eyes focus on me.

“As a matter of fact I am. I’m his daughter.” I look at the way her eyes watered when she said ‘passed away’ and felt for her. “I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My father should be home shortly, would you like to come in and wait for him?” I ask her.

Her eyes light up when I invite her in and she says, “I would love to.”

Emeri 15

I cannot believe that I am inside of my father’s house. I never imaged that I would be here, looking at this gorgeous woman that is my sister. It is so hard for me to take it all in. There are so many photographs lining the wall, and I want to examine each one, but I am rooted to the floor out of nervousness.

“Would you like to have a seat? Um, I didn’t get your name,” the gorgeous woman said to me.

I look at her in slight embarrassment; I had not given her my name. In my surprise to being invited in the house, I forgot.

“My name is Emeri Kendall Castado, and you are?” I say as I reach out my hand to her.

She takes my hand in hers and says, “Naima Ari Vaughn. It’s nice to meet you Emeri.”

“The pleasure is mine. You sure have a pretty name,” I respond.

“Thanks, I like it; I think I’ll keep it.” She says to me with a smile. “Emeri, I’m sorry. I have a slight headache and need to get some medicine before the children get here. Will you be alright if I leave you down here for a little while? My dad should be in soon.”

“That will be fine, thanks,” I tell her.

When she leaves the room I cannot help but look at the photos; it is as if they were calling my name. I see what must be various family photos taken through the years. They look happy as a family. I see why my mama might not have wanted to break up Kenneth’s happy home. He looked so happy. It is so hard to imagine that he was living this wonderful life without me. My mama and I were struggling. I would not trade my time with her in the world, but we struggled. I feel the tears pressing against my lids threatening to fall, but I refuse to long for what could have been.

I hear the door open and a whirlwind of motion begins. A little girl with green eyes runs inside yelling for her mommy. The most adorable little boy is following behind at a slower, wobblier pace, trying to keep up and Naima comes back into the room to scoop up the little boy and hug the little girl she affectionately calls “Muffin.”

Then I see him enter, followed by an older version of Naima. Once again, I am so nervous that I do not know exactly what to do with myself.

“Well hello,” The older Naima look alike says to me. “We didn’t know Naima was having company this evening. How are you?”

I stare at her for what felt like eternity, but could not have been more like a couple of seconds. I finally find my voice.

“I, uh, I’m Emeri,” I manage to stammer out.

“Well I’m Mrs. Cynthia, Emeri. It is nice to meet you.” She moves on toward the kitchen and says, “I would stay and chat with you, but dinner won’t wait.” I feel as if I am in a trance.

Naima must have taken notice because she came over and spoke to her father, our father.

“Daddy, this is Emeri. She stopped by to see you. She said that she is the daughter of an old friend of yours and wanted to pay you a visit.” She turned back to me. “I must run Emeri, I have to listen to school day activities, help with homework and change diapers,” she says with the hint of a smile. “It was nice meeting you.” Then she is gone.

I hang my head down. I am now alone with the man my mama said was my father and I have not the slightest clue of what to say to him. He handles the situation for me.

“Emeri, was it?”

I glance up slowly and I see a smile in his eyes.

“I recognize you from Blanca’s funeral.” I feel my heart drop to the floor. He recognizes me; I wonder if he knows who I am.

“Yes, I am Blanca’s daughter.”

“I can tell by the eyes. What has brought you all this way to me?” He gazes at me intently as he waits for my reply.

“Well,” I begin slowly as I clear my throat, “one of my mama’s last wishes was that I find you and get to know you.”

“She wanted you to get to know me?” his voice laced with confusion. “Why?”

“I’m not sure where to begin or how to explain.” I look down at my hands. I feel so awkward and cannot believe that my mama put me in a position where I would have to defend myself.

“Well if it helps matters any, I don’t bite. Would you like to have a seat?” Kenneth offers.

“I think I better stand, at least until you hear what I have to say.” I take a deep breath and forge ahead.

“I am your daughter. My mama told you that she miscarried me all those years ago, when in fact she didn’t. Now here I am, alive and kicking.” I give a short, tortured laugh and continue staring at my hands. I hear a funny noise and look up in time to see Mrs. Cynthia retreating from the living room area. I had not even noticed that she was standing there listening.

I look over at the man that stole my mama’s heart, to gauge his reaction and he seems to be suspended in time. He looks as if he has aged 10 years in the last five minutes. Finally, I cannot take the silence any longer. I stand up and proceed to walk to the door.

“I shouldn’t have come,” I say choking over the lump in my throat. “I don’t know what I expected from this visit. I guess I wanted to know what you were like and what it would be like to have a father. With my mama gone, there is only me now. I am sorry for wasting your time. Please have a nice evening. I can see my way out.”

I drop the bundle of letters that my Mama had written for Kenneth on the couch and open the front door. The tears that I was trying to hold in before were free falling down my face. I do not know what I am going to do now. I drove all the way out here, I do not have anywhere to stay, and it is dark out so I will probably get lost. What a disastrous evening. At least now, I know where things stand. I was given the opportunity to meet my father, and appease my curiosity. I guess it was now time to let it all go and move on with my life.

“Emeri,” I stop and turn, trying to see through the tears streaming down my face. It was Mrs. Cynthia. “Chile’ you come back on in here and have some dinner. No sense in you running round at night lost and alone in a place you’re not used to.”

Oh, bless Mrs. Cynthia! I close my eyes and offer up a quick prayer of thanks to God. I slowly make my way back to the house, where Mrs. Cynthia promptly pulls me into a hug.

“Now, now this is just too much excitement going on in the life of one so young. You need a mother’s touch. It must be hard losing your mother, and having to meet your father all in such a short time. You’re doing a lot better than I would have.”

I return her hug and she allows me to cry out all my tears. She is right; I did need a mother’s touch. All she offered was a hug. Until she gave me one, I did not realize how much I needed that very thing; I didn’t want to let her go. She felt so safe, the way a mother should feel. I missed my mama so much. I felt a fresh outpour of tears begin. A short while later I pull back.

“Mrs. Cynthia I am so sorry for all the tears,” I say as I reach up to wipe my eyes. “I’m just not myself lately. I’m going through a tough time at the moment.”

“Chile’, don’t you worry any.” She looks up at me and for a brief second before turning her face. It looks as if she had been crying as well. “You come on in here, get cleaned up, and ready for dinner. Naima will show you to the guest room where you can stay.”

I walk back into the living area, and just as Mrs. Cynthia said she would, Naima was waiting for me.

“Emeri, follow me. I will show you where you will be staying this evening.” I look around to see if I see Kenneth, but he is nowhere in sight, and neither are my mama’s letters.

Once Naima leads me to the room where I will be staying, I notice her giving me the once over. I can only imagine what she must be thinking, so I beat her to the punch.

“Naima, I know this must come as a shock to you, it was a shock for me also when my mama told me not too long ago.”

Naima looks at me for a prolonged minute, as if trying to figure out exactly what to say.

“To be honest,” she finally begins, “I don’t know how I feel. I mean, you are a stranger, yet from what I have come to understand is, we are sisters. You are a representation that my father had an affair, obviously, because you do not seem to be that far removed from your college years, and you look a few years younger than myself. I cannot begin to imagine how my mother feels, since I am at a loss for how I feel. Either way we want you to be safe, so if you need anything please let me know.” She then turns and closes the door as she leaves.

Well at least she was not upset. I had no idea of how she would respond to the news. Maybe this was my chance to have a real family. Who knows, stranger things have happened.

Naima had been gone for about five minutes when I heard a light knock on the door. Maybe it was Mrs. Cynthia coming to check on me. I think I would like that. As I get up, there is another light knock, and the door creeps open. It was Kenneth.

“Do you mind if we talk?” he asks me rather reluctantly.

“Sure.” I replied to him, though my heart was really not in it. Since I witnessed his initial reaction, I did not know what to expect from him.

He enters the room, sits on the edge of the bed, and pats the space next to him, for me to have a seat. I inhale and exhale slowly before I sit. I have a feeling this conversation is going to take a lot out of me.

Kenneth begins slowly. “Emeri I would like to apologize for the way that I reacted when we spoke earlier. It is not everyday that someone walks up to you saying they are your daughter from a life that you had long ago forgotten. It was a lot to take in all at once.”

I look over at him now.

“It was a lot for me to take in too,” I say softly, staring into light brown eyes that match my own. “You weren’t the only one. Until a month ago, I did not even know who you were, and that you didn’t know I exist. Then with Mama passing, and having to adjust to life without her, I have been going through a lot. I took a chance coming out here because I no longer have a family. I wanted to see you, and see if you would be interested in letting me be a part of yours.” I felt my eyes watering again. I swear tears are never too far out of my grasp these days.

He reaches over and shyly pulls me into a hug.

“We would love to have you be a part of our family. I want you to know that if I had known about you things would have been different. I don’t know what your mother may have told you, but I loved her in my own way.” He pauses as he puts his hand under my chin, and lifts my face so I can look him in the eyes, “Emeri, I loved your mother more than she ever knew. I thought about her often and wondered how her life was going. I never would have known she was dying. Your grandmother found me somehow, and told me about the funeral. Otherwise, I would have never known.”

Tears are sliding down my face as I begin to tell him about my life.

“Our life was deprived. Mama’s parents disowned her when they found out that you impregnated her. I have never known them. I spoke to them for the first time at the funeral and was not impressed. We struggled. Mama worked hard to take care of me, and raise me to the best of her ability. She did the best that she could with what she had. I respect her for that. A part of me is angry with her for never telling me about you, and never having the opportunity to grow up with a dad and a sister. I always wanted a sister. Always.”

“I know a lot about your situation now after reading your mother’s letters. I am sorry that I was not able to be around for so many of the milestones in your life, but I promise to be there for the rest of them if you’ll let me.”

I reach up to wipe the tears away.

“I would love for you to be a part of my life,” I whisper, trying to swallow over that ever-present lump in my throat. “I would love it.”

Naima 16

I cannot believe what is going on around here. Everything is out of sorts. I have a half sister in the other room, that I never knew existed. My father has gone up to talk to her, and my mom is around here somewhere cleaning as if her life depends on it. What is really good? I open the door to the room that Namiyah and Kalani are sharing for the moment, and my angels are fast asleep. Bless their little hearts. They look so peaceful when they sleep. I quietly shut the door to their room and look for my mother. I have a slight inkling of how she feels, and what she is going through. I make my way down the stairs and think I hear her moving around in the kitchen. As I reach the kitchen doorway, I see her standing at the counter with her head in her hands sobbing.

My eyes begin to tear up. I feel so bad. No one wants to see their mom hurting like this, it is so sad.

“Hi Mommy.” She jerks her head up at the sound of my voice. She sweeps the floor like nothing is wrong.

“Hey baby, what you still doing up? Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

“I thought I would check on you before I went to sleep. That was some pretty heavy news to deal with.”

“I’ll be fin-.” My mother stops mid sentence when the door opens and my father enters the kitchen. My mother looks up at him and goes back to sweeping.

“Cynthia, I can explain this.” He begins.

“I don’t see where you can Kenneth. Whatever you have to say is not going to be enough.”

“Will you at least let me try?”

“Kenneth what is there to say? You had an affair and you fathered another child. I mean, am I missing something here?” My mother’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Cynthia it wasn’t as…it didn’t quite happen like that.”

“Didn’t it? Or was that not your child that walked through this door not too long ago? Before you deny anything and make an ass of yourself. That child looks just like you.”

There was nothing my dad could say. He looked so guilty.

“Cynthia please, please let me explain,” he pleads with her. “I know to you it may seem as if I just went off and had an affair, but it wasn’t like that. During the time all of that took place, you and I were having issues. I was depressed about losing my job and living off my wife. I was going through some things.”

“We both were having issues Kenneth, but I didn’t go out and sleep with the first guy that I saw.”

“Baby it wasn’t like that. It was something that just happened. I did not go looking for it or planning it. It just happened, plain and simple.”

“Just happened? I wish I had a nickel for every time a man said that. It’s amazing how I don’t have any ‘just happened’ moments.” My mom pauses for a minute. “You know what really hurts Kenneth? For the rest of my life, there in that room upstairs, there is evidence of your infidelity to me.” She could not contain her tears as they silently slide down her face. “Emeri is a beautiful child, and I hurt for her most in this situation because she has just lost her mother, and has to forge a relationship out of thin air with a father and a sister she just met. I just need help understanding. Please tell me what I am supposed to do? Because I don’t know,” she says as she flops back down in the chair with a defeated look on her face.

I hurt so badly for my mother. It is so hard to see her like this. She has always been the strong opinionated type. Seeing her reduced to this saddens me. She must have forgotten I was there because she never would have allowed herself to show so much emotion in front of me.

My dad walks over to her and attempts to put his arms around her, but my mother pulls just out of his reach.

“Kenneth I am going to need time. You have to allow me that. Once I wrap my mind around this, we will go from there. Until then, I need my space.” Having said that, she stands to put the broom away and leaves the kitchen.

I have never seen my dad look so dejected. His and my mom’s issues reminds me so much of Kaden and my issues, that I could not even feel sorry for him. He brought this situation on himself. He looks over at me.

“Do you feel the same way that your mother does?”

“Daddy, I don’t know what to say or what to think. I do, however, understand how Mommy feels. She feels betrayed, and now she’s second guessing herself, asking herself why she wasn’t good enough to keep her husband loyal to her.”

“She’s always been good enough for me, which is why I ended the affair. Things between her and I had gotten so bad, I was drinking heavily, and Blanca made everything okay for the moment. She was young and did not have any cares in the world. She was such a breath of fresh air, and not that that makes it okay, but she was what I needed at the time to help me through, and she did that.”

I look at my daddy and wonder if that was how Kaden felt. I doubt it; Kaden has always been a selfish bastard.

“Well are you done with that type of thing? You still love Mommy right?” I ask as I cock my head to the side and look at him intently.

“Of course I love your mom. I will never love anyone as much as I love your mother. She is the greatest asset and I was ever fortunate to acquire.”

“Then you have to help her see that. Show her that she is still the most important person in the world to you, and that the two of you can survive this.”

“Maybe tomorrow. Tonight I need to be alone.”

I knew what that meant. It meant that he was about to go and drink his sorrows away at the bar in the basement.

My thoughts turned to Emeri. I wonder how she is feeling. The thought of losing my mother made me cringe. I don’t ever want to think about anything-bad happening to her. I felt for Emeri. I had given her the cold shoulder when I showed her to the guest room earlier. As I make my way out the kitchen and up the stairs, I decide to go in and check on her. She probably needs a friend more than anything right now.

I softly knock on the door before entering.

“Emeri, are you awake? May I come in?” As she was coming out of the guest bathroom, I noticed that she had red streaks on her face and puffy eyes. Crying was definitely taking a toll on her face.

“I’m awake. I was getting ready for bed. What’s up?”

“Nothing serious, I just wanted to talk with you to make sure everything was okay. If I gave you the wrong impression about me earlier, then I want to apologize. I was not trying to be rude.”

“Oh, I didn’t think that you were rude…more cautious, if anything, which is completely understandable, considering this crazy situation.”

I step all the way in the room and sit in a chair placed in the corner that faces the bed.

“I was wondering if you were up for talking.” I asked her.

She looked uneasy for a second, as if trying to decide if that would be a wise decision. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Okay.” Then she plops down on the king-size bed. I took the opportunity to delve into her life and find out some things about her.

“Well for starters,” I begin, “what was it like growing up for you? Did you ever think about my dad and what life could have been like?”

She hesitates for a minute while she ponders my question and her answer. To me, it felt like she was taking an eternity when, in all actuality, it probably was not more than a few seconds. I did not think the question that I had asked her was that difficult, but on the other hand, I had not grown up like her either, so I wait until she gathers her thoughts. My mother always used to say, “Patience is a virtue.”

“Well,” she begins slowly, “my life wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I mean it wasn’t a fairytale like yours.”

I look at her incredulously and wonder what fairytale she thinks I live in. I opt to keep my mouth shut and let her continue.

“My Mama had to struggle for everything that we had, and seeing her go through that, I tried to do everything I could to make life as easy as possible for her. I was a good student, I didn’t talk back and whatever she needed me to do for her I would do with no questions asked.”

I could see her eyes watering up again and feel for her.

“It just seems like her life, our life, was so hard,” Emeri continued. “I mean my grandparents didn’t lift a finger, not once, to help, and they lived about two blocks away from us. I guess they were trying to teach my mama a lesson for getting pregnant by a Black guy. It’s not like she could just give me back, or I could somehow disappear or something.”

She looks down at her fingers.

“Sometimes I wish that I didn’t exist for my mama’s sake. Her life would have been so much better without having me be such a burden on her.”

I move to the bed and take her hand in mine.

“You know what I bet?” I ask. “I bet your mom’s life was that much richer, and better, because you were a part of it. I find it hard to believe that you were a burden on her. As a mother, I do not find it possible, no matter the circumstances of how you got pregnant. You were probably the light of her life and loved unconditionally by her. That’s what I bet.”

She looks me over, removes her hand from mine and says, “No offense Naima, but you grew up like a princess. You have no idea what I went through as a child.”

Okay, I had had it with the whole fairytale and princess accusations.

“You know Emeri,” I say as I go back and sit in my chair. I eyeball her from head to toe. “My life wasn’t all sunshine and flowers, as you seem to think. I got pregnant with Namiyah when I was 16-years-old. Sixteen honey, okay. That ain’t no ball game or no part-time job. My parents did not give me any breaks. I had to quit the cheerleading team, go to night school and get a morning job to help offset the cost that my parents were paying for my baby. It was a mess. Then right after I turned 18, I married my kids’ father and took on the responsibility of being a young mother and a wife. So don’t sit there and think my life was some walk through the damn clouds, because it was not.” I say looking at her with a newfound hostility.

She is looking at me, unsure of how to take what I said. Then she shrugs as if to say ‘whatever.’ I remind myself that she is about 23 or 24. It looks like and that shrugging is a typical response for her age group when they are not sure of exactly what to say.

There is awkwardness in the room, hanging over our heads now. Shoot, I am at a loss. I am not used to this whole sister thing. As the oldest, I felt that it was my responsibility to say something. I imagine that is how other sisters handle things.

I roll my eyes to the heavens and sigh. “Emeri, I wasn’t trying to make it seem as if your life wasn’t hard because I’m sure it was. To you, my life appears privileged because I grew up with both parents. How about we call a truce and agree to disagree?” I stand up and look down at her with a slight smile. “You’re the only sister I have and I would prefer for us to get to know one another. We have the rest of our lives to have arguments. What do you say?” I ask as I stick out my hand for her to shake.

She glances up at me, stands and does the unexpected. Ignoring my hand, she enfolds me into a hug.

“To be honest Emeri, I always wanted a sister,” I tell her as I wrap my arms around her and stroke her wild hair. “I have always wanted someone that I could talk to and have in my corner for life in general, especially now that my best friend and I are no longer speaking. I need someone to help fill that void. So I for one am very glad that you are here.”

She backs out of the hug and looks at me and for a split second, it seems as if she has a look of indifference in her eyes, but then she gives me a bright smile. Maybe it was her nervousness about this whole crazy situation. In her position, I would probably be nervous too.

“I’m glad that I’m here too, and here’s some news for you. I always wanted a family and you’re just an added bonus to the package deal.” She smiles at me again, and at that point, I felt a chill go down my spine. Something about Emeri seems too sincere, almost as if she were not real. If that even makes sense.

Damir 17

Pulling into Naima’s parent’s driveway, it feels like an eternity has passed since I last saw her. I’ve been so concerned with Amber and this whole pregnancy thing that I’ve had to put Naima on the back burner a little. It was just until I could sort things out in my head, and find a way to tell her about my situation.

I wasn’t even out of the car good before I hear Namiyah screaming at the top of her lungs from the second-story window, “Mommy, Mr. Collins is here!” Kids are hilarious.

When the front door openss, I was expecting to see Naima, but the vision that stood before me must have been a mirage. There is no way God could create a creature like this and not keep her in Heaven with him. No way. I have never seen anyone with a presence that commands your attention the way that hers did.

I must have been standing there with my mouth hanging open because she was starring at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Hi, I’m Emeri. You must be Damir. Naima has told me a lot about you.” She tilts her head to the side and gives me the once over. “Why don’t you come in?”

That was all she said and I knew immediately that my attraction to this woman was dangerous. I did not know who she was, and I did not care. What I did know was that she was a force to be reckoned with.

Once I enter the house, Naima came into the room looking like the sunshine on a rainy day. Still, I could not help but wonder about the young woman that opened the door.

Much to my surprise, Naima strolls up, grabs me by the hands and pulls me into the sunroom.

“What’s going on?” I ask her.

She looks at me. “You will not believe the chaos that is going on in this house,” she whispers.

“What kind of chaos?” I ask her, “All seems fine. Your kids are doing the usual noisy thing, your mom is in there cooking dinner, and your dad is off doing whatever your dad does. So what is the problem? It seems relatively normal to me,” I tell her.

“Nothing is normal,” she says and sighs a little. “Mom and Daddy are not speaking. I don’t know if you noticed, but a stranger answered the door.” She shrugs her shoulders and continues, “well more or less a stranger.”

“I’m confused. Did I miss something?” I ask her as I grab her by her waist and bring her to stand in front

of me.

“Men,” she sighs exasperated “You guys are so unobservant. Didn’t you notice Emeri?”

If that was not the understatement of the year, I do not know what was. Did I notice Emeri? How could I have missed her?

“Damir. Hey, hello, Damir?” I must have zoned out because Naima was waving her hands in front of my face.

“Oh, sorry, I must have spaced out for a moment.”

“Damir please focus,” she says as she pushes me down on the chaise and sits next to me. “Emeri is my half sister. My Dad had an affair a while back, and last night she just popped up on our doorstep. Isn’t that crazy?” Naima is looking at me like a crazed woman.

“What?” It was taking a moment for my brain to process what Naima was saying. So Naima and Emeri are sisters. Damn. “That is crazy.” I was saying when we heard a bang, a boom, and a thump, followed by a scream.

“MOMMY! Kalani fell down the steps!” Namiyah shouts at the top of her lungs.

“Oh Shit! I’ll be back!” Was all I heard as Naima ran out the room.

So Naima and Emeri are sisters. Go figure. Naima’s dad sure did produce some beautiful daughters.

“So, you’re the enigmatic Damir that I have heard so much about. Well aren’t you sexy?”

I turn at the sound of the sultry voice and stop cold. There, in a silky floor-length, lavender robe that is open to show off a perfectly proportioned, nude body stood Emeri. There were no words. My body reacts immediately.

“It would seem that you are happy to see me,” she says as she glances at my pants, and shuts the door to the room. She slowly closes the distance between us.

I did not have to look down, I knew to what she was referring. I could feel it.

“What are you doing?” I ask, finally able to find my voice.

“I’m going to do for you what Naima is afraid to,” She says as she picks up my hand and places it on her flat belly. “You want me don’t you? I could see it in your eyes when I opened the door.”

What the hell is going on here? And why couldn’t I stop it? Emeri has me hypnotized. I pull her close as I place one of her nipples in my mouth and suck gently. I could hear Emeri moaning above me, and that slowly jolts me back to reality. I had to be losing my mind. Naima was somewhere in the house.

“I can’t do this,” I say as I gently, but firmly move Emeri away from me.

“Oh, you want it,” She says as she reaches for my pants. She undoes the top button and pulls down the zipper. “Just relax and let it happen.”

She gets down on the floor and proceeds to give me the blowjob of the century. I knew that there was no point in fighting her. I was a goner.

“Hey, I’m sorry I had to leave you in here to fend for yourself,” Naima says as she comes into the room with a pretty banged-up Kalani on her hip. “Mister Kalani here had a pretty bad fall, didn’t you Punkin?” she asks him. He nods in affirmation, rubs the bandage on his forehead. He then lays his head on her chest, and closes his eyes, lucky baby.

“Emeri told me she came down to chat with you. Interesting girl isn’t she?” Naima asks as she fixates her hazel eyes on me.

Interesting was not the word I would use to describe Emeri.

“Uh, yeah she’s something” was all I could muster up to say.

“Something isn’t the word. Sometimes I get a strange vibe from her, as if she’s walking around with a sense of entitlement. It could be me; I’m not used to this whole sister thing. It’s so new to me.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine what you and your family must be feeling.”

Naima eyes me intently. “Damir, are you okay? You seem a little weird.”

“Everything is fine. I’m just trying to take it all in,” I tell her, though in actuality, I was trying to get myself together. Emeri left the room about two minutes before Naima walked in. I was trying to get my heart rate back to normal.

“What are you guys doing?” Speak of the devil. In walks, Emeri in a pair of jeans and a fitted sweater. Seeing her, even in clothes, made my body react all over again. I wanted to feel what it would be like to take in all of her and discover all her body’s inner secrets. Suddenly, I feel as if I am suffocating. I had to get out of the presence of these two before I become undone.

“Maybe I should go,” I say, shifting my eyes away from Emeri and ignoring her question.

“You’re going to leave? I thought we were going out.”

I look over at Naima, with a sleeping Kalani in her arms, and wonder what I am to do. I promised to take her out. Now I feel guilty about what has transpired between Emeri and me, and for wanting to take it far beyond what happened in this room not too long ago.

“You should stay with Kalani. He has had a pretty rough day and probably needs his mom. I think I will make my way home and work on some things.”

“How about I get Kalani all squared away, and then come keep you company a little later on this evening? How does that sound?”

She was not letting me off the hook easily. She was going to have a day with me.

“That sounds good. Come over when you are all done here. I’ll be home.” I walk over and kissed her forehead. “Nice meeting you Emeri,” I say without looking back. Once I was finally out the front door, I could breathe again.

What the hell happened to me in there? Emeri was trouble, I could tell. She smelled like trouble, looked like trouble, and had a sexual aura that screamed trouble - and yet there was no way I could stay away from her. No way. Lord help me.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I contemplate how I am going to break the news of Amber’s pregnancy to Naima. She just called to tell me that she was on her way over, and for the life of me, I could not put two whole thoughts together in my head.

Hearing the phone ring snapped me out of my self-induced pity party. I answer on the third ring.

“Hello?” I say into the receiver.

There was shallow breathing on the other end, but no response.

“Whoever this is, I’m flattered as hell that you called to breathe on my phone, but I have other things to do at the moment.”

Just as I was about to hang up, I heard, “D, I’m here don’t hang up.”

D? What the hell? No one has ever called me that, except my baby sister Alanna, and that is how I wanted it to stay.

“Who is this?” I ask, cursing myself for answering the phone without checking the caller ID first.

“This is Emeri.”

Emeri, what in the hell?

“Emeri, how did you get my number?”

“I got it out of Naima’s cell before she left. I figured you might be missing me, so I wanted to give you a call.”

What in the world, have I gotten myself into? Everything about Emeri screamed crazy. Look at all that had taken place between us, and I had just met her today.

“Emeri, what happened between us this afternoon was a mistake. I am dating your sister. I take responsibility for whatever part I played in leading you on, but nothing is going to come from it. Do you understand?” I ask her.

I hear her laughing on the other end.“D, you want to play hard to get? Fine. We’ll do it your way.”

“No Emeri, I do not want to play hard to get. I do not want to play games period. I do not want to do anything to hurt your sister. I had a weak moment and lost my head. That is all. And I would prefer that you didn’t call me D. No one calls me that. No one.”

“You don’t want to hurt the princess?” She snorted on the other end of the line. “What about me? Why is she better? She is the one that grew up with the family I always wanted. Why does she get to have everything?”

What the hell kind of psychological issues does this girl have? And why am I the one she thinks will play therapist with her?

“I don’t have an answer to your question, and I would like to recommend that you see someone about your issues. As much as I appreciate your call I must go now.”

I hear her sobbing softly.

“D, didn’t you like what I did for you earlier? You seemed to like it.”

The doorbell rings at that moment. Naima has arrived. Thank goodness. This crazy conversation was getting the best of me.

“Emeri, it was a weak moment, nothing more. I have to hang up now. Take care.” I hang up the phone without listening for a reply.

Making my way down the steps to the door, I begin to wonder what I am going to do about Emeri. How could I possibly have a problem with someone I have only known a few minutes? I look out the peephole. Shit. Could my day get any worse?

I open the door.

“Amber, this is certainly an unexpected surprise, what are you doing here?” I ask her as I lean in the doorframe. I have no intentions of letting her inside.

“I came to talk to you face-to–face,” she says shifting her weight. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”

“I hadn’t planned on it,” I tell her. “Once again, what are you doing here? What do you have to say to me that you couldn’t say over the phone?”

“I wanted to see you Baby. I missed you.”

“Amber, you see me at the doctor appointments,” I pointedly remind her. “I check on you all the time, so let’s cut the bull and get to the real reason you decided to pop up. I have plans this evening and I don’t really have time for your games today.”

Her eyes began to water, “Baby why are you being so mean to me? I thought that you would be happy to see me.”

I slowly run my hand down my face. Had all the women on the planet lost their minds today? Damn. I was becoming immune to tears. Women used them to get their way. She had the wrong man on the wrong day.

“I’m confused,” I tell her. “I thought we had this discussion months ago about seeing other people. I thought we were only to have contact when it came to the baby. Was I the only one present for that conversation?”

She was looking for a way to get inside my house. I could tell before she even opened her mouth.

“No, I heard you loud and clear. It is just that I am not feeling that great today. This baby seems to think that I am not supposed to eat, sleep or walk. My ankles are beginning to swell. I just need a massage and some comfort. I feel so alone.”

“And yet you felt well enough to drive yourself clear across town to my house so that I could play nurse to you?” I ask looking at her skeptically. “Amber you should have called first. I have plans this evening. I really cannot play nurse to you right now. I do want you to be safe, so please go straight home and call me when you get there.”

No sooner had the words come out of my mouth, does Naima’s car pull up. I look to the sky, trying to ask God for moral support, but He must have been on break, because I was left to sort out this mess alone.

Amber could barely wait for Naima to get out of the car before she pounces on her like a cat after a mouse.

“So, is she the plans for this evening, the reason that you can’t take care of the woman pregnant with your child?”

That stops Naima in her tracks and she turns to head back to her car.

I take off running down my steps to get to her. I could only shake my head. Damn, damn, damn. I imagine what must be going through her head.

I caught her by the waist and turn her to face me.

“It’s not what you think.” Before she could say a word, I go into a full-blown explanation. “I have not slept with Amber since before I met you. I found out after you and I started dating that she was pregnant. I was going to break the news to you tonight.” I look into her frosty pain-filled eyes. “Please Baby, believe me. I never want to hurt you, ever. I love you.” I could see the surprise in her face. I have never said that to her before. “I’m trying to be as honest as I can be. I cannot deny that Amber is pregnant and will be a part of my life. It is what it is. I don’t want to lose you, but I must take care of my responsibility.” I saw it then. Her eyes were softening. She believed me; we could survive this.

“Damir, the baby is not a problem. I have two children of my own. Who am I to judge? But why didn’t you feel you could tell me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin anything. I know you had issues with your soon-to-be ex-husband and I wanted to be everything to you that he couldn’t be.”

“Baby, you already do that by being who you are. Above all though, I have to be able to trust you. This is a life-altering situation. You have to be able to talk about these kinds of things.” She reaches up and caresses the side of my face with her hand.

“Excuse me!” Amber yells.

Damn, I forgot that she was there. I turn to face her, and so did Naima. I do not know if I am supposed to introduce them or what. Amber was already in one of her moods. Naima surprised me by brushing past me and approaching Amber first.

“Hi, I’m Naima,” she says with a smile and sticking out her hand for Amber to shake.

Amber looks at her through narrow eyes. She passed Naima her to get to me.

“I cannot believe that you are already dating someone else. And then of all people, her.” She is directly in my face at this point, looking at me through anguished eyes. “This is not over. We are not over, you mark my words.” Having said her piece, she gets in her car and leaves.

Haven 18

“You will never believe who Damir is dating.” It was Wednesday morning, Amber had not been to work in two days, and we were catching up with our daily gossip in the kitchen when she came in shouting.

“Probably not,” I tell her as I continue to stir my coffee. She gives me one of her ‘bitch please’ looks.

“What?” I shrug indifferently, as I taste my coffee. “I’m probably not going to guess who Damir is dating. How would I know?”

“He is dating Naima, your Naima.”

My mouth fell open and I almost dropped my cup. “Shut up! Are you serious?”

“More serious than this baby I am carrying.”

“How did you find out?” I ask, eyeing her intently.

“Okay,” Amber begins, already assuming her dramatic story-telling position by talking with her hands.

“I went over to Damir’s on Saturday because I wanted to see him. I pull up and he comes out to talk to me. He wouldn’t even let me in. Can you believe that shit? I mean I’m carrying his baby for goodness sake.” She looked at me expectedly.

I was not sure if I was supposed to respond or not. Choosing not to say anything, I continue drinking my coffee.

“Anyway,” she continues, “He’s talking to me like a salesman he is trying to get rid of. A short while later, your girl pulls up. As soon as she got out of the car, I announced my pregnancy, because I was not letting the shit go down like that. When she turned to leave, he took off running to explain the situation to her. He just left me standing there, assed out. Literally.”

“Wow” was all I could think to say.

“I just told you that your friend is fucking my baby daddy and the first thing to come out of your mouth is wow?” Amber gazes at me in bewilderment.

“I mean, shoot, I don’t know what I mean. It’s just so crazy.” Consumed with my own thoughts, I could not believe the ways of the world. Naima is dating Amber’s ex. I chuckle softly to myself. All our lives were a mess.

“I am not going to let this shit fly. Damir picked the wrong one to mess with. They’ll be sorry - him and his hazel-eyed whore,” she whispers with ill-concealed contempt.

Hearing Amber say, ‘they’ll be sorry’ quickly snapped me out of my trance and I gave her my undivided attention.

“What do you mean by they’ll be sorry?” I ask her cautiously. Naima and I may have our differences, but that did not mean I wanted anything bad to happen to her.

Amber, realizing her mistake, quickly relents and says “Nothing,” and walks out of the kitchen. I sit there a little longer thinking about our conversation. I had a bad feeling about Amber. The chick just does not seem to be wrapped too tight to me. I think she has a few loose screws in her head.

Picking my child up from football practice that evening, I notice that he was talking to a man whose silhouette seems vaguely familiar to me. Getting out of the car, I walk over to satisfy my curiosity. When I was in the vicinity of them, I recognize him immediately. Running over I yell for Kaven to get into the car. Upon reaching them I say, “How dare you come here and speak to my son?” My voice barely containing the rage I am feeling.

I looked down at Kaven who was eyeing both of us strangely, probably trying to figure out why his mother was acting like a raving lunatic.

“Kaven, I told you to get in the car.”

“But Ma, I wa-”

“Go now and if I have to tell you again, it’s going to be me and you. You understand?”

He hung his head down and muttered, “Yes, ma’am,” and retreats to the car.

Turning back to face the object of my rage, I speak to him again.

“You have no right to be here. How dare you?”

“Actually,” he says finally speaking, “I have every right to be here and I will continue to be around.”

I start in on him again. “You have no rig-”

He interrupts me, and if looks could kill, I would be dead right now. Speaking lowly, but with finality he says, “If I were you, I would tread very lightly. Very lightly.” With that, he walks away.

Visibly shaken, I had to calm down before returning to the car. I do not want Kaven to see me like this. I did not know what to do. I walk around for a few more minutes, until I feel composed enough to be around my child.

As soon as I got into the car, Kaven starts with the questions.

“Mom, why are you so upset? Mr. Thomas comes to our practices all the time.”

I turn to look at him.

“Listen to me honey; Mr. Thomas is not your friend okay? I want you to stay away from him. Do you understand me?”

“But, Ma he taught me how to do this really cool….”

“Kaven, I said to stay away from him. That’s the end of it okay?” I ask and start the car.

Hearing only silence in return, I ask again. “Kaven, if I have to say it one more time its on, do you hear me?”

“Yes. I hear you,” He says sulking from the passenger seat of the car.

“Boy, I know you better get that attitude in check. I am not having it,” I say, raising my voice slightly.

“Yes, ma’am. I don’t have an attitude.”

“Good, then lets be on our way.” I look over and see him staring out the window with a sad look on his face. I feel so bad.

“Tell you what kiddo; I’m in the mood for ice cream.” Looking over at him, I suck in my cheeks to make fish lips and noises. “How about it, my favorite football player?”

He looks over at me and breaks into a toothless smile. He was going through that stage. Losing teeth every other day it seemed. I smile back at him and pinch the cute dimple on his cheek.

“Do I take that as a yes?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

I laugh, “Okay, ice cream it is.”

With Kaven tucked in for the night, I go and retrieve my college yearbook from the bookcase and sit on the sofa in the living room. Going through the pictures, I laugh at the memories and how much fun we used to have. Then I see the picture of Chris and me. Instantly my smile fades. No one knew about us. Not even Naima. I kept our whole encounter a secret. Gazing into the distance, I can remember everything so vividly.

Our library on campus is the best thing that ever happened to this freaking university. It has been under construction since I set foot on campus over a year ago. It was mid-term season so the library was the new hangout. I was standing in the checkout line, for what must have been my third visit today, alone. I am a little irritated. I had class at 8:00 this morning, and then had to head over to Naima and Kaden’s apartment to watch Namiyah while they went to class. This was typically our routine since we got into college, but Namiyah was getting to be a handful and I had to study. Sometimes I felt like I had a child too. I loved my best friend, so anything she needed, I tried to be there for her. Plus, seeing Kaden everyday was an added bonus. Damn Naima got lucky. Kaden could get it if he wanted, but he never tried and I didn’t want to put my friendship in danger. Just then, in the middle of my thoughts, I was bumped hard from behind.

“Excuse me,” said the person that bumped me. I turned to give him a piece of mind. I was not invisible. How did he not see me standing there? Now facing the culprit, I forgot whatever insult I was about to hurl at him.

Where do I start, the muscles, the smile, the mouth that I swear was saying ’Haven come kiss me.’ He was wearing sunglasses so I could not see his eyes, but he was a whole lot of goodness wrapped up in one package. Finally finding my voice, I was able to respond to him.

“Oh, that’s okay. I was probably the one in the way in the first place.”

He looked down at me and smiled, damn him for having the cutest dimple on the side of his chin.

“Do you like what you see?”

He caught me staring at it, staring at him, and his smile widened. I was not going to be embarrassed, so I owned up to it.

“As a matter of fact, I like everything that I see.” I said looking up at him.

“Is that right?” he asked me. It was then I realized he spoke with an accent. How sexy.

I opened my mouth slightly and gave a little smirk. “That’s right.”

‘So what do you say to doing me right here, right now.” He eyed me intently.

“Okay, maybe I don’t like what I see that much.” I relented. He called my bluff big time.

“I’m glad you said that. I would hate to lose respect for you.”

“Why did you extend an invitation, if you didn’t want me to take it?”

“I was curious to see where your mind was. Women today are either very easy, or like to play hard to get. I was interested in seeing which category you fell into. The woman I plan to pursue must have a good head on her shoulders.”

I didn’t know whether to be offended that he was trying to see if I was a ho or excited that he was standing here telling me that he intended to pursue me. Either way, I was unsure of what to say next.

“I’m Chris Thomas,” he said as he offered me his hand.

I took his hand into mine. “Haven Williams.”

“Haven and Chris. Has a nice ring to it, huh?”

I looked at him incredulously. Most guys run from any form or commitment and here this man was, already combining our names. “I don’t mean to be rude Chris, but I really must be going. I have a full night of studying waiting for me and it won’t wait.” I really was not trying to be rude but unless he was going to ask me out, I had to buckle down and study.

“I need to study too. I can walk you back to your dorm if you like,” he offered.

I weighed the pros and cons of him walking me back to my dorm, and figured that he was harmless. It beat walking back alone.

“Sure, you can walk with me. I would like that.”

That was how I met Chris Thomas. He loved me once upon a time. I realize that now. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, and take back the things I did to him. What he endured because of me is inexcusable. He sought me out to claim what was rightfully his, and I don’t know if there was anything, I could do about it. He was back to torment me. I could see it in those sparkling, emerald-green eyes of his, and he wasn’t going to leave until he got what he wanted.

Kaden 19

Finally, some things in my life were going according to plan. I am all moved and settled into my new home in D.C. and I couldn’t be happier. I still have a few boxes to unpack, but nothing major. Living in that big old house out in the suburbs was depressing me to no end. I was tired of being lonely. I even gave into Haven one night because I had been deprived of sex for so long. It was just sex though. The I’m-lonely-and-need-a–quick-fix–from-my-baby-momma meaningless kind of sex.

I come across Damir Collins business card again. It has been about two months since I met him. I have been so preoccupied with all the issues in my life, that I have not taken the time to contact him about the job opportunity. There is definitely no time like the present to be productive. That is something I picked up from Naima. She was a woman constantly on the move. I miss her. Every day I miss her, and there is nothing I can do about that situation. I need to focus on things that I can control, like calling Damir.

I was about to make the call, as my phone rings in my hand. Naima’s name flashes across the screen and I instantly I get excited.

“Naima, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Hi Kaden. I was wondering if you had some free time to stop by my parent’s house tonight.”

I am genuinely shocked.

“You just want me to stop by? You actually want to see me?” I ask, getting my hopes up.

“Well,” she starts hesitantly, “it’s just that the children haven’t seen you in a while, and I was thinking that we could both spend some time with them together. So they can still feel some sort of family bond with both of us.”

I look up at the ceiling and silently thank God for the opportunity of a lifetime. I plan to make the most of it.

“I would love to come over,” I tell her. “What time did you have in mind?”

“We’ll be here all day, so whenever you want to come through, come on. Ma is cooking, as usual,” she laughs softly. Damn, I miss the sound of her laughter. “You know how she always thinks the end of the world is coming tomorrow and we must eat as much as possible.”

“Yeah, Mrs. Cynthia always has the kitchen on lock.” I look down at my watch it is about 2:00 in the afternoon now. “I can be there in about an hour. Will that work?”

“An hour would be perfect. Thanks so much for doing this. The kids will be so excited.”

“And what about their mother? Will she be excited as well?” I do not know why I asked her that. It slipped out before I had a chance to think about it.

There was a prominent silence on the phone before she speaks again.

“Kaden, don’t do this, okay?” I can hear the exasperation in her voice.

I quickly interrupt her, “I apologize. I got caught up in the moment. It won’t happen again.”

“Okay, well then we’ll see you in about an hour. Bye” And just like that, she was gone.

I can barely contain my excitement. Naima wants me to come over. Even though I know it is just to spend time with the kids, I am happy nevertheless. At least this way I could see and spend time with her.

I am still holding Damir’s business card in my hand. I forgot that I was supposed to call him before Naima’s call came through.

I dial his number and the phone rings until his answering machine picks up. I leave a brief message reminding him who I am, how we met, and my contact information so that he could get in contact with me.

Having my business squared away, I head out to visit Naima and the kids.

I pull into the familiar driveway about 45 minutes later, and smile when I see Namiyah sitting on the front step.

She is at the car before I can even turn the engine off.

“Daddy, guess what!” She was talking as soon as I opened the door.

“What, Muffin?” I ask her as I ruffle her hair. She tries to duck as she continues talking, not really waiting for my comment.

“I take dance lessons now. Want to see what I learned?” Before I could open my mouth to respond, she is already twirling in the yard.

I hear laughing from the doorway of the house; I turn and see Naima standing there.

“Looks like someone missed her Daddy,” she says as she waits for me to join her.

I look down at her as I reach the door.

“Is it okay if I give you a hug?” I ask her. “I know this may be hard for you to believe, but I do miss you and I am happy to see you. You look good.”

I can see the color rising in her cheeks. “Are you blushing?” I jokingly ask her as I pull her into a hug. Since she did not say no, I figure it is be okay. I smile as she puts her arms around me and returns the hug.

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” I tell her. “You survived.”

Laughing she gently pushes me away. “Kaden you are a mess. I do not hate you. We always used to have fun together remember. I can appreciate that now.”

“Well I hope time has helped you heal.”

She sighs then says, “We are not going to get into that right now. Come in so we can start family day.” She turns back toward the yard. “Namiyah! Come inside, we’re about to have family day.”

Situated in the house Namiyah brings all of her little board games into the family room. That is pretty much how the day went, all of us sitting on the floor and Kalani in Naima’s lap. Laughter was the only noise heard coming from the room, one of the best afternoons that I‘ve had in awhile.

After dinner, I can see the little ones starting to drift off to dreamland. For the first time in, I do not know how long, I help Naima put our children to bed. With them all tucked in, I can finally focus all my attention on their mother, the love of my life. She is on her way to her room when I catch up with her down the hall. I open her room door for her.

“Is it okay if I come in and talk to you for a little while?”

She looks up at me and I can tell that she is getting tired herself.

“Just for a little while, okay? This has been a long day and I am somewhat tired.”

“I don’t need that long,” I tell her.

As she proceeds to go through her bedtime ritual, I take a seat on the bed and watch her. I can see her watching me through the mirror.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks me.

“Right now I am enjoying the sight of you in front of me getting ready for bed. I miss this in my life. I miss you.”

I watch as the hand brushing her hair pauses, and then continues the motion slowly.

“Kaden, I miss you too. I’m just smart enough to know that nothing good comes out of being with you. Well except our children,” she quickly amends.

“What if I told you, I am willing to take things as slow as you want to take them, if you give me another chance?” I get up from the bed, walk up behind her, place my hands around her waist and look at her in the mirror.

“See how good we look together?” I ask her reflection as she stands there with her eyes closed.

She opens her eyes and lays the brush down on the dresser.

“Kaden…” I can feel that she was about to move away from me, so I tightened my grip on her waist.

“Please Naima. I can be what you need me to be. I am ready now.”

“Kaden,” she says again. She turns in my arms to face me, and lays a hand softly on my cheek. With her fixated hazel eyes on mine, she continues, “You know I love you right? I will always love you, but I am moving on with my life.”

I can feel the world shatter around me. This could not be my reality. Life without her by my side is not an option.

“I cherish all the memories.” I lower my head, pulling her into a kiss before she can say anything else.

I had forgotten that kissing Naima was like moving mountains; every time it felt like a sense of accomplishment - almost like winning the Super Bowl. I can tell I caught her off guard by the way her breath was caught in her throat. I know she wants to move on with her life, but I cannot let her go. Running my hands through her hair, I can feel her softening, offering less resistance.

I was sadly mistaken. She gently, but firmly pushes me away.

“I think its time for you to leave,” she tells me, slightly winded. I smile inwardly, nice to know I still have that affect on her.

I reach out, tipping her chin up so she can look at me. “I’m not giving up on you easily.”

She blushes as she removes her face from my hand. “Kaden, I would like for you to come over regularly to spend more time with the kids, more than you have been doing. However, that will be the extent of your visits. I’m dating someone,” she says as she starts moving toward the door to let me out, I suppose. I guess my time alone with her was coming to a screeching halt.

Opening the front door for my departure, I can tell Naima is wavering. I can feel it. I will find a way to get her back. I guarantee it. I start walking down the porch steps.

“Kaden?” I turn to look back at her as she leans in the doorway. “I really hope you find the woman, you’re looking for.”

“I did,” I tell her as I raise my eyebrow, “I found her when I was 17.” I look at her for a minute, raise my right hand to salute her, then turn and jog down the rest of the steps.

On my way home, I glance down at my cell; it said I have four missed calls. Scrolling through the calls, I see that Haven called three times, back-to-back. Damn, would that woman ever leave me alone?

The other missed call is from Damir Collins.

Calling him back immediately, I feel an adrenalin rush. This could be a great opportunity for me.

“Damir speaking,” he answers the phone.

“Damir, this is Kaden returning your call.”

“Kaden, thanks for getting back to me. What is your schedule looking like for next Friday? I want you to come in, do a screen test and we can go over some details.”
“Friday is good,” I tell him.

“Great, I will have my assistant give you a call sometime next week to give you location and time information. How does that sound?”

“That sounds good. I will see you next Friday.”

“Alright, see you then. Take care.” He hangs up the phone.

I smile. Life is definitely looking up.

Emeri 20

Having a dad around is the best. Mrs. Cynthia is an added bonus I love her like my own mother. She makes me feel so welcome. Who would have thought that my life could end up like this? To go from just above poverty, to living in luxury was crazy. I never would have imagined, not in a thousand years. I love it. The only glitch in my new family is Naima.

The princess does not know what it is like to struggle. I thought I wanted a sister, but after being here for a few weeks, I have come to the realization that there is not enough space in this family for both of us. She definitely has to go. She grew up with Kenneth and Cynthia; it is only fair that I have a chance to have a real family.

I am in the family room, looking at the millions of photos of her all around. There is no denying that my sister is a gorgeous woman. You can tell that Kenneth and Cynthia doted on her as a child. My eyes begin to water. It just did not seem right how the powers that be divvied up the families. It is not as if we got to choose who we wanted our parents to be. Why do so many people grow up in such a blessed environment, while the rest of us are left to struggle and find our way in the world?

I go to the fireplace and pick up a framed photo of Naima, Namiyah, Kalani and her legally separated husband on a beach somewhere. I feel the anger washing over me. I was damn-near poor and this bitch was on beaches and shit, living the good life. Her husband was gorgeous. Damn. First him, then Damir, how many sexy men was one woman supposed to collect in a lifetime. I put the frame back on top of the fireplace.

Something has to be done; this can not continue. I am going to make sure of that. I hear the front door open. I know in a matter of seconds that someone will cut up my peace.

“Hi Emeri.”

“Hey Naima. What’s going on?” I ask her, trying to be social and contain my resentment.

“Life, girl. Just life,” she says as she removes her shoes and pulls her hair into a ponytail. “Hey, I have a job opportunity for you, if you are interested.” She looks at me then with a question in her eyes.

“Depends on what it is” I respond.

“Well, my receptionist has finals coming up and I don’t think she will be coming back after that. Would you be interested in filling the position for a little while?”

“Thank you for the offer, but no thank you. I graduated at the top of my class in college. I refuse to be anyone’s receptionist. Ever,” I state to her. I do not care if I sound snooty or not. Is she serious? Me? Work for her? Not in this lifetime.

I noticed that she was gazing at me through narrowed eyes. Whatever.

“I was not trying to insult you, and if I came off that way I apologize. I thought it would be a nice break from being in the house all day and a chance for you to make some money, but do what you want.” She shrugs, turns, and walks out the room.

Screw her. I was not interested in being her charity case. I do need to find something to do with my time however. Maybe I could drop by and see Damir at his job. He is in denial about his attraction to me. I know he wants me - I can feel it. He is attracted to me like bees to honey. I remember Naima saying that he works somewhere in D.C. I go into the office and sit at the computer. Maybe I can find the address of his job if I search him on Google. Sure enough, it popped right up. Who said the internet is not good for everything. I write down the address and wonder if I will be able to find my way down there alone. I should be able to. If I navigate New York’s train system, I damn sure should be able to work D.C.’s.

This is my first time downtown since I have been in Maryland. I love the city. I am a city girl at heart. I find Damir’s office building easily, I thought as I entered the building. I am looking for the building directory, but fate must be smiling on me because Damir is standing in the lobby. He is shaking hands with another man. The man turns and faces me. I recognize him from the photo on the fireplace. He is Naima’s husband, Kaden. What the hell is going on here? They know each other. I am thoroughly confused. I inch my way closer so I can hear what they are discussing.

“I’m glad you could come in today, Kaden. I think the screen tests went well. We will let you know. I believe that you are a strong candidate. In fact, I want to invite you to my party in honor of my birthday in a couple of weeks. This will give you an opportunity to network with some of the people here at the station, and give them a chance to meet you. What do you say?”

“That would be great. It was nice meeting you and I will definitely be at the party.”

“Good to hear. Have a great day.”

“You do the same.”

Shit. Kaden is coming my way. I have to think fast. What can I do with this newfound information?

I pretend to drop my purse right in front of him.

“Oops I am such a klutz,” I say as Kaden bends down to pick my purse up for me. My eyes do a quick sweep around the lobby to make sure that Damir was nowhere in sight.

Kaden offers me a grin.

“Sure, no problem, accidents happen,” he says as he hands my purse back to me and proceeds to step around me.

“Wait!” I call after him, “Can I take you for coffee or something for saving my purse.” I say with one of my award-winning smiles.

“Really, Miss. It is okay, but thank you.” He is polite, but I can tell he just wants to leave.

What will get his attention?

“Oh, I think I’ve seen you before,” I say as I put my finger to my chin to appear like I’m in thought. “You’re Kaden Fairchild, the football player, right?” He stops and turns around. I knew that would get him. Athletes and their egos, some things never change. He walks over to me.

“That would be me. I’m sorry you said your name was?” he asks, holding his hand out for me to shake.

“Oh, how rude of me. My name is Kendall. Kendall Castado.”

“Nice to meet you Kendall.”

“How about that coffee?” I ask him again.

“I would, but its pretty women like you always get me in trouble. While I am flattered as hell, I really can’t, but I do thank you for the offer,” he says with a grin.

“Oh, come on. How bad could it be to get one cup of coffee? My treat. I don’t bite. I promise.”

He hesitates for a second. “Well okay. One cup of coffee couldn’t hurt.”

“Good, it will take less than 15 minutes and you get free coffee out of the deal.”

He points out a Starbucks that was right outside the building.

We order our coffee and sit at a small table in the back corner of the store. I am racking my brain to find a way to put my plan into effect. To my delight, he offers me the perfect solution.

“So where are you from Kendall? You sound like you have a Northern accent.”

“I’m from New York.”

“Really? I love the N-Y. What brings you to D.C.?”

“I just needed a change I guess. I would love someone to show me around the city. It can be quite confusing at times.” I lie, straight through my teeth giving him my Marilyn Monroe dreamy eyes.

“I have a couple of friends that would love to show a beautiful woman like you around.”

I couldn’t care less about his friends.

“What about you?” I ask him.

“I can’t,” he responds, checking his watch. “I have enough issues in my life. I do not think my wife would approve and right now my main priority is working out our situation.”

“Oh, you’re married?” I pretend to be in shock.

“Well, separated, but I’m hoping to rectify that situation as soon as humanly possible.”

“Really? So, how do you know that your wife isn’t seeing other people?”

“She probably is, and I can’t say that I don’t deserve it if she is, because I do.” He looks across the table at me with cultivating green eyes and says “It doesn’t matter to me either way. I love her, and somehow I’ll make her see that we belong together.”

Damn, what is Naima doing to these men that they can not think straight if they are not with her? What kind of power does she have? I can see I will not make headway with Kaden. His heart is set on Naima. He really does love her. It is not anything he said in particular, it is the look in his eyes when he mentions her name. I want a man that loves me like that one day. I wonder if she knows how genuinely he really loves her.

Kaden was stands up to leave.

“Kendall, thank you for the coffee, and the pleasant company. If you ever need someone to show you around D.C., I have plenty of friends, so please don’t hesitate to look me up.” He hands me his business card. “Take care.” Just like that, he walks out of Starbucks and is gone.

Naima has it all - two good-looking men in love with her, two beautiful children who adore her, two parents who would lay down their life for her. What the hell do I have? I have a deceased mother, no children, no friends, no man. However, I do have a new family that I am getting to know. Who did I piss off in a previous life? Geez. I finish my coffee and head back to Damir’s building. I still have business to attend to. Glimpsing over the directory, I see that his office is located on the seventh floor. Goodie! I am in the mood for some afternoon excitement. He has not answered any of my calls since we first spoke on the phone. I have not even seen him since our encounter at the house. I cannot wait to see what his reaction will be to me surprising him at his job.

Catching the elevator with anticipation mounting, I practically sprint when the doors open on the seventh floor.

I walk through the door as if I own the place. The receptionist is gazing at me in disdain. I don’t care she don’t know me. Screw her. I walk up to her desk with as if I’m a queen.

“Damir Collins please.” She looks me up and down slowly. What a hater! She’s probably mad because she will be stuck behind that desk for the rest of her life, being a human switchboard. I can’t believe Naima wanted me to reduce myself to this. Please.

“Mr. Collins is unavailable at the moment.” I look at her in contempt.

“You get him for me right now, or I will make you so sorry you crossed me, you won’t be able to answer phones ever again in your pathetic, little life. Now think about that long and hard before you make a decision.” I tell her with a smile. She appears taken aback by my tone. That serves her right. Who does this four-eyed, smart-talking bitch think she is?

“I’m sorry ma’am I didn’t realize the urgency of the matter. Mr. Collins does have a free moment. I must have had my times me- messed up. His office is four doors down the hall on the left. You can go right i- in,” she stutters.

I had the bitch scared. That’s on her. She should have done what she was told the first time.

I check the handle and it is unlocked. I don’t bother to knock. For what? So he can turn me away. When I enter, he has his back to me and is on a phone call. I quietly close and lock the door behind me. I then step out of the dress I am wearing. I do not have on anything underneath. I figured it would be easier to get on his good side if I was completely nude. He is engrossed in his conversation because he has yet to notice that he is no longer in his office alone. I go over and sit on the edge of his desk. He turns and glances at me.

“Oh, shit! I have to go,” he says to whoever is on the other end of the line. Slamming down the phone, he turns to me.

“How the hell did you get in here? I never told you where I work. How did you find me? Where the fuck are your clothes?” He shouts in a rage.

“Baby,” I say scooting across his desk and rubbing my hands on his chest. “What does it matter how I got in or found you? All that matters is that I am here, ready and willing.” I lie back on his desk and open my legs to give him a better look. I can see the pulse in his neck thumping away.

“You know you want me, why fight it?”

“Emeri, you are crazy. What is wrong with you?”

“D, don’t be that way. We shared a moment at the house. Come get it baby, its here for you.” I hold up a pierced nipple for him, showing that I had added a little something extra since the last time he saw me.

“Stop calling me fucking D. You are not entitled to call me that ever. I’m not your baby either.” He moves to the other side of the office.

“I mean it Emeri, put your shit on and get out of my office before I have to put you out, and you will not like the way I handle it either.”

My nice demeanor immediately shut down. “Don’t you ever threaten me,” I tell him in a menacing voice. I get up and walk over to him. When I reach him, I put my hand to his throat, pressing the blade between my fingers against his Adam’s apple.

“Let me explain to you how this is going to go. You are going to fuck me the way I want to be fucked. Do you understand?” I can feel his heart beat faster.

“Good I see we understand each other.” Still pressing the blade to his throat, I use my other hand to cuff his hands together. “You like that don’t you?” Silence follows. “Answer me damnit!” I press the blade harder until I see a thin line of blood drip down his neck.

“Yes, I like it.” He obliges, with anger.

“Good baby. I knew you would. That was just a little taste of what is to come. You got off the hook today but do not worry I will be in touch.” I put my dress back on and head out the door, and blow him a kiss before I exit.

Damir 21

My life was getting way out of control. How does a man go from one woman and having no drama, to having three women with nothing but drama? I was supposed to be the good guy. How did all of this happen? Where did I go wrong? I felt trapped. There was no way that I could tell Naima how crazy Emeri was acting. The first thing she would want to know is why she was acting that way and what was I supposed to tell her, that I let Emeri suck me off in the sunroom while she was tending to her hurt child. That was a disaster waiting to happen. I cannot believe I did something so stupid. Who could have known that Emeri would turn out to be a bonified class “A” psycho, the type of woman that I was trying very hard to avoid. Now the question was how was I going to deal with it.

I walked over to the mirror so I could examine my neck for about the fifteenth time today. Staring at the thin scratch on my throat, I wanted to kill that bitch. I had wanted to do her bodily harm in my office yesterday when she held the blade to my throat but I knew that she wanted me to retaliate so she could do something even more drastic. Who knows if that psychotic bitch had a gun in her purse or not? This whole situation was my fault. I should never put anything past a woman. But this was new to me. I am not one that is used to dealing with drama. I have no idea what to do. The one thing I did know was that yesterday would not be the end. Crazy was crazy and one thing that I definitely knew is that Emeri is crazy and that she would not stop until she was stopped. This would continue until I found a way to end it and since I had no way of knowing how I was going to do that, I think the best thing to do is to cool my relationship with Naima for awhile. I did not know exactly what Emeri’s psycho ass was capable of doing and I did not want Naima caught up in the middle of something she had nothing to do with. What could I say; her sister was definitely a loony chick.

I went down to the basement to get a drink from my bar. Picking up the glass I made of vodka and tonic on the rocks, I stared at the ice. I was in love with Naima. I had been looking for a woman like her all my life, a woman with class, beauty, a brain, ambition, a good mother, sincere personality and eyes that could seize your soul. I finally find her and I ruin the whole damn thing. All it took was an exotic woman, a turned back, a weak moment, a little persuasion and I threw it all away. Just like that. I was disappointed in myself. I thought I was stronger than most men were. When presented with an opportunity like that one, I should have had the common sense and the strength to walk away, too late for regrets now. Either way you look at it, I knew I had to let Naima go.

Tossing the glass up, I downed my drink in one swallow. Putting the glass back on the bar, I reached for the phone, might as well call her and get this whole ordeal over and done. The sooner I could cut her off, the sooner I could find a way to deal with Emeri and the sooner I could see if there was a way to get Naima to understand why I had to put us on hold for a minute.

Dialing her number I leaned on the bar stool waiting for her to pick up. She answered on the forth ring. For a second there I thought I would be off the hook and could leave her a voicemail.

“Hi Baby, I was just thinking about you.”

“Good things I hope.”

“Very good things.” I could hear the smile in her voice. It made what I was about to say that much harder. I had to clear my throat twice.

“There is something I need to talk to you about.”

“Better not be any more pregnant ex-girlfriends, ok,” she laughed, “I’ve given you your one gimmie. Anything outside of that are grounds for a fight.” I couldn’t seem to get the words to come out.

“No, it’s not another pregnant woman, shoot; the one that is pregnant was an accident. But it has nothing to do with that.” I cleared my throat again.

“Baby, you’re starting to scare me, it can’t be that bad. Just spit it out.”

“Ok,” I paused for a moment and then continued slowly “I can’t see you anymore.”

There was silence on her end. It was almost as if I could hear her heart breaking on the other side of the phone. I hated myself at that moment. She was going through a separation with her husband and I was supposed to be helping her forget all about him. Instead, here I was, another man that was hurting her, however unintentional it may be, I was hurting her nevertheless.

“Naima? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I was just coming to grips with reality. My reality seems to be a shallow well that I keep falling down and there does not seem to be a bottom. I mean, I just keep falling. There is no end in sight and nothing for me to grab onto to break my fall.”

I could hear the pain in her voice.

“Naim-”

“Damir just forget it ok. You had your fun. You got what you wanted let’s just let it go, alright.”

She hung up the phone. I sat on the stool holding the phone up to my head. Damn, my life was fucked the hell up. My ex was pregnant, I had to let my current boo go and I was stuck with the spawn of Satan. I finally hung up the phone and did something that I should have done long ago. I got on my knees and prayed.

“Lord, please forgive me for all the wrongs that I have committed. I know that I deserve punishment for the things that I have done but I pray that you will show me mercy and save me from myself. I don’t know where my life is headed but I pray that you will guide me in the direction that I need to go and make me more aware of the choices I make. Amen”

Lying in bed, watching my favorite episode of Martin that night, I thought I heard a knock at my front door. Looking at the clock it was eleven o’clock. I wasn’t expecting any company, so who would be stopping by. I got up, walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back to see if I could see anyone at the door but there was no one there. I went back and got in the bed. My mind must be playing tricks on me, or maybe I was stressed out, it had been a long day. Not even a minute later, I heard another knock. This time I got up and went to the door to see what was going on.

I opened the front door and there on the step was a single white rose with a note. Stepping out, I looked around to see if I saw anyone lurking in the shadows. But there was nothing. Everything looked calm and in place. Picking up the rose and the note, I went back in and closed the door.

I opened the note and right there in bold red ink it read, “I will be the one and only.” That’s it. I turned the note over to see if I could find any indication of who may have left this at my door. It was probably Emeri’s psychopath ass. I would not put it past her. The woman was just plum crazy.

Naima 22

Sitting at my desk, watching the rain drops that are coinciding with my mood, I cannot believe the emotional rollercoaster that is my life. Men just could not be trusted with women’s most valuable asset, our heart. I thought Damir was such a nice guy, and I believe he still is, but how could he just call me up and end things like that. I mean, I accepted the pregnant ex-girlfriend with no problems. How many women would have done that?

Lightning illuminated the sky and I could hear the thunder rumbling in the distance. Something has to be wrong with me. I’m staring down the barrel of a failed marriage, a failed new relationship, a corrupted best friend and a half sister that I think is a little on edge. Will the silver lining elude me forever? Resting my chin in the palm of my hand, I twirl the ends of my hair with the other one, when I hear a knock on the door.

“You can come in.” I say to the visitor.

I glance up as Camille enters with two bouquets of blue roses.

“These were just delivered for you, Ms. Vaughn.”

“Really.” I said as I stood up to smell the bouquets, “Was a card left with them?”

“Yes, there is a small card in the front of this one.” Camille said as she handed me one of the bouquets and placed the other on my desk.

I reached for the card, smiling to myself, blue roses were my favorite, maybe Damir had come to his senses and this was his way of trying to apologize. Either that or he was trying to soften the blow. I was wrong on both counts. The card was from Kaden. Opening the card, it read:

Naima, This has been a long time coming. These days I sit and reminisce about all the things in my life that were not real, but that I thought were the greatest things in the world at the time. The league never offered me any love. As soon as I got hurt, went through rehab, and they realized that I would never be the same; I was no longer a hot commodity any longer. That cut me to my core. Football has been my life since I was a little boy. Coaches teach you how to be a great athlete; they do not teach you how to cope with reality once the dream has ended. I felt like a failure, as if I couldn’t be the man that you needed me to be. You have no idea what it’s like to be in the spotlight and then have that light taken away. I know you saw my daily struggle and wanted to help. But baby, you just couldn’t understand what I was going through. Sometimes I barely knew what I was going through, so how could you possibly know? I wanted to be there for you, but I took the punk way out and decided to wallow in my own self-pity. Despite what you think, I do love you and our children. I love them because they will bond you and I forever, and through that bond I will always be able to have a piece of you in my life. What I failed to realize at the time, is that there is no life for me without you in it.

I would like to explain the women; I know that’s where the last straw was drawn in our relationship. Naima, I have never stopped loving you. The sun rises and sets with you for me. The women didn’t mean that I didn’t love you; they had nothing to do with you. It all had to do with me, and the changes I was going through in my life, the selfishness of wanting to have my cake and eat it too. We became parents so early, and then further deepened that connection by getting married young. The carefree feeling I had while on the road, feeling as if I had no responsibility at home, even if I knew it was temporary, was an escape for me. None of that was then or is now your fault. I still had a lot of growing up to do. What can I say, being young, dumb and full of cum will get you every time.

One thing I do know, I know your love was real. The rest of that was a lie, the women, the money, the spotlight, but you have loved me since high school. I believe you love me now; I’ve just hurt you so much that you want to break ties with me and what can I do but respect your wishes? I can’t say that I blame you. I’ve put you through so much as it is, but I’m still here and I will do whatever it takes to have you back in your rightful place, standing by my side with me.

I’m asking for a dinner. One night, you and I. We’re not going to talk about the children or your parents. The night will be dedicated to you.

While this does not excuse my actions over time, it is my intention to show you that I am serious by letting you in and understanding the struggle that I continue to deal with on a daily basis.

I love you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

Kaden

I closed the card and put it on my desk. Kaden was a trip. I glanced over at the other bouquet and there was an envelope in that one as well. While I was opening, the envelope two photographs fell out upside down on the floor. Reaching down and picking them up, turning the first one over, I almost burst into tears. Kaden had kept a photo of he and I while I was pregnant with Namiyah. It was the one we had taken after one of his football games, he was still in uniform and had come up behind me and placed his hands on my swelling belly. My hair was longer then and was falling gently over his arm as I had tilted my head to laugh up at him with a sparkle in my eye. I absolutely loved this picture. I hadn’t seen it in I don’t know how long. Looking at it again, we look so happy. He was my knight in shining armor back then. I remember what it was like to be the envy of all the girls in high school that imagined themselves to be in love with Kaden at one time or another. I wonder what they were all doing now. All had probably found a good man to love them and were living a nice normal balanced life, while my life was all over the place. Life is not always sunnier on the other side of the street.

Looking down at the other photo in my hand, it was the one taken at the hospital when I had just given birth to Kalani. Lying in the hospital bed with my hair pulled into two side ponytails holding Kalani with one arm and Namiyah’s cheek pressed next to mine and Kaden’s arm wrapped around my other arm, all smiling at the camera, we looked like one big happy family. It’s amazing how looks can be deceiving. Looking at my eyes in the photo, there is no sparkle to them like there was in the other photo, where I had been so in love with Kaden.

I could barely wrap my thoughts around the photos and the letters, when I heard a buzz and then Camille’s voice came over the intercom.

“Sorry to interrupt Ms. Vaughn”

“That’s alright Camille, what can I do for you?”

“Mr. Fairchild is on line one.”

Chuckling to myself while bringing the phone to my ear, I started speaking without saying hello.

“I mean if I was trying to duck you, you are making that very hard.” I said into the receiver.

I heard the low masculine laughter and smiled. I could not lie to myself there would always be a comfort level that Kaden and I would share with one another.

“So, I take it you received the bouquets. I know how you like blue roses.”

“Yes, I did receive them and they are gorgeous. Thank you for thinking of me. I really needed a pick me up today.”

“Happy to give you a pick me up.” He cleared his throat then, “I was calling to see if you were going to take me up on my offer for dinner?”

I switched the phone to my other ear so I could remove my earring and then returned the phone and sat into my chair. Something told me I would need to be as comfortable as possible for this conversation.

“Dinner huh?” I said leaning back in the chair and balancing my knee on the desk.

“Yeah, dinner,” he said, “You know, when people sit down and socialize and have a meal together.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Well, I do have some free time tod-”

“Done.” He said interrupting me. I laughed then.

“My goodness, can I get the sentence out first?” I said grinning to myself.

“I just didn’t want you to talk yourself out of it. Tonight, I’ll pick you up around seven.”

“No sir. I will drive myself and meet you there.”

“That’s fine. I’ll agree to anything as long as you come tonight.”

“Kaden, I will be there. I’m going to transfer you back to Camille and you can give all the details to her ok?”

“Ok,” he paused for a moment, “Naima, thank you for taking the time to meet with me tonight. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s not a problem, really,” I gave a short laugh, “I mean, we still have children to raise together for the next hundred years. A dinner with their dad isn’t going to kill me.”

“Ok, tonight. I’ll let Camille know where.”

“Bye, Kaden.” I said as I transferred him to Camille. I leaned back up in my chair to return the phone to the cradle.

The restaurant that Kaden chose was a nice intimate spot located in Old Town Alexandria, VA. From Potomac, MD, I did have to travel a little ways. But that was fine. It gave me time to reflect on my day and this party for Damir that was coming together rather nicely. Even though he had all but kicked me to the curb, it was still my job to ensure that his party popped off without a glitch in the system. I’m all business first and a dissolved personal relationship was not going to reflect badly upon my person.

Looking around the restaurant as I gave the greeter my name, they escorted me to a private room in the back. I walked through the door and stopped short. The room was decorated with five copper floor to ceiling columns that had been placed in a circle and wrapped around each one was a vine of blue roses. In the middle of the circle was a table for two with tan place cards in blue trim. The champagne flutes were filled almost to the brim and there was soft music playing in the background. I was literally dumbfounded. I cannot believe that selfish Kaden had done something so nice for someone other than himself.

I said thank you to the host and begin to remove my wrap, when I felt warm fingers brush against my skin.

“Can I help you with that?” A familiar voice whispered into my hair.

I closed my eyes and let him remove my wrap, and for one second in that room, I didn’t want to be angry anymore, I wanted to let him hold me like he used to, I wanted everything to be right with us. I wanted the man I had fallen in love with and the best friend with whom I used to share my secrets. Thinking about Haven jolted me back to reality. I opened my eyes and moved away from him a little.

He pulled out my chair for me and waited for me to sit before he went around the table and sat across from me.

I picked up my champagne flute and took a sip while I looked across at Kaden, who was staring me right in my mouth. I put the flute down and folded my hands on the table.

“Ok, Kaden. You have me here.” I gazed over at him through hooded eyes. I could see him fidget a little. If we hadn’t been caught up in our crazy life situation, the motion would have been very endearing.

“I don’t know where to begin.” He said. I could tell by his tone that it was going to be one of those nights.

I beat him to the punch before he even went into his sob story.

“Kaden, let’s not go through all the motions ok. I read your card. I know how you feel.” I reached up and pushed my hair behind my ear. “And while I can forgive a lot of things, it is hard to forgive you having a baby with Haven. Some nights I sit back and think what would happen if we were to work this out. Then I remember that Haven and I are no longer friends and why we’re not friends and it all comes crashing back down on me like a thirteen-pound bag of sugar. If Kaven weren’t in the picture, maybe I could forgive a little more. But he is a constant reminder that is ever present.”

“You’re right. There is no way to take that back or the way that it must have hurt you in finding that out. But what if somehow we could come back from this. What can I do? Whatever you want? Anything you ask of me, I can do and will do for you.”

I reach back to slowly massage the back of my neck. I can feel the tension mounting in it.

“Just for tonight, I would like us to have a nice dinner, where we don’t talk about all the problems in our lives. I just want us to be two adults socializing over a meal. We will worry about the rest another day. Do you think that is doable?” I gave him my best flirty blink combination and laughed.

“To hear you laugh again makes agreeing to your request very simple. I will not say anything else about our situation,” He added with emphasis, “Tonight.”

Haven 23

I would be lying to myself if I said I don’t expect to have an unwelcome surprise visitor at my home sometime soon. I don’t know when it will happen. But it will happen. Seeing Chris again had me on edge something serious. I had never been so afraid of the unknown in my life.

I had risen early and dropped Kaven at one of his teammates houses so he wouldn’t be all around in my space so I could think. Things were about to hit the fan and I had no idea how to stop the domino effect that was sure to follow. Times like this I really wish that Naima and I were still friends. I need someone to confide in so bad. I would call Amber but that ho is borderline psycho. I wonder about her sometimes. She was definitely not the one to call at a time like this.

I had screwed up royally in all areas of my life. Burning bridges as I went along, not thinking of anyone but myself.

I picked up the phone to give Naima a call. It had been awhile since I had attempted to rekindle our friendship. Dialing the number, I brace myself for the ego beating I was more than positive would be delivered to me. But not to my surprise, no one answered the phone. I debated leaving a message but decided against it. Placing the phone back in its base, I decide to get some cleaning in. Nothing relaxes me more than a clean house. Cleaning would keep me busy enough to keep my mind off things.

More than two hours had gone by since I began my cleaning regimen. I was down in the basement vacuuming when I thought I heard the doorbell chime. Cutting the vacuum off I waited to see if I was only hearing things, and sure enough a minute later the doorbell began to chime again.

Running up the stairs, I threw open the door just as the visitor was turning away. Damn, I knew I should have looked out of the peephole first. It was Chris. He turned back around with slow deliberation.

“What are you doing here?” It was hard for me to keep the uneasiness out of my voice. I was trying to keep myself under control so that he could not see how shaken I was.

“You can relax,” he said with a hint of the old accent I used to love, “I didn’t come back to settle a vendetta. I forgave you a long time ago. I want to talk to you about how things will be and try to settle things outside of court. If talking to you does not work,” his voice deepened for emphasis, “you will not like the consequences that follow.”

I breathed in slowly. To give myself some time to get my thoughts together. What could it hurt to listen to what he had to say? Considering what I had made him endure the last couple of years of his life, I owed him that much. I opened the door a little wider and gestured for him to come in. While passing by he brushed me slightly and my mind immediately flashed back to our last physical encounter all those years ago.

Visibly angry Chris began to redress pulling his shirt over his head trying to get himself situated. “I cannot believe you have the audacity to say that shit to me and think that everything will be ok.” He looked at me then, with all the hurt in the world built up in his eyes. I glanced down at the floor. I had too much riding on this; Chris was nothing to me now. I had to secure my future. Love wasn’t enough. I had to let him go.

He reached down and tilted my face up so I would have to look at him. “Haven, don’t do this. I love you. Tell them the truth. Don’t ruin my life like this. I can still forgive you, if you call them off but if you let them take me knowing that it’s all based on a lie, I can never forgive you for that.” Tears started flowing down my face. I knew I was wrong, but what could I do. I had no rich parents that were going to help take care of me. I got into college on a scholarship. My main focus was me. Seeing the tears, Chris knew my mind was made up. His expression immediately turned hard and cold. He released my face, gave me one last look and walked out the door, into the waiting arms of the police.

Passing Chris to lead him to the family room, I sat in my recliner and pointed to the sofa for him to have a seat. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, leaning forward, and hands clasped he wasted no time getting directly to the point.

“I just came to claim what I think is due to me. I’m not trying to make drastic changes to your life,” he paused, “well maybe I am going to make drastic changes to your life, just like you did to mine.”

I knew what he wanted and in all actuality, I did owe him. I owed him for the last few years of his life.

“Chris, I understand that you want to come back, but you must understand our lives are in a routine now. We have a certain way we do things and how we live. If you come back now you could jeopardize everything.”

“Haven, I could care less about the way you live,” I could hear the barley contained rage in his tone; “Do you want to know how I have been living for the last six years of my life?” He got up and began pacing, “I have been behind bars for a crime I didn’t commit. A crime that I know I didn’t commit and everyday was a trial and tribulation. Every day was a countdown till the day I would be able to finally be free.” He got in my face then and looked me square in the eyes. “I loved you. Do you know how hard it is to know that the one woman you love more than your next breath put you behind bars? Can you even imagine in your mind what it’s like to spend two thousand, one hundred and ninety-one days Haven, two thousand, one hundred and ninety-one days behind bars and think of nothing else but how I was so gullible to fall prey to your little game.”

I hung my head. Chris always knew how to put me in my place and make me take responsibility for my actions.

“Haven, look at me,” With eyes beginning to water, I raised my head to look at him, “I understand what you were going through in college. I understand the hustle. What I don’t understand, is why I had to take a fall so you could shine.”

He was calling me out on everything. I owed him some form of explanation.

The tears that were only threatening before began to fall and wouldn’t stop. “Chris I am so sorry. I know that doesn’t make up for anything. But I,” I was crying so hard I began to be choked up on my words, “I was young and dumb. My whole life I have been one-step behind Naima and I think I just wanted to be seen on the same level. I knew what I was doing to you was wrong and as selfish as it sounds I was more concerned with securing my future.”

“Haven, do you honestly think I would have just left you hanging. You never asked me what my plan was for my life. I loved you. I wanted to marry you when we were done with college. But you took the choice out of my hands and decided my fate for me. I used to hate you so much for that. But the more I studied my bible the more I realized that the only way for me to be right with God was to forgive you. And I have. I have forgiven you. Now all I want is for you to do what is right by me. Haven, don’t you think that you have made me suffer enough? When will you stop comparing yourself to your friend Naima? At what point, will you take responsibility for your actions and do what’s right?”

I was in a daze. Chris said that he had wanted to marry me. No man had ever said they wanted to marry me before. Kaden had been the main one talking about I had no class.

He bent down on his knee in front of me. “Haven, I don’t know what is going on in your life but I can tell that you are tormented. I know you have it in you to do what’s right.” Taking my hands into his, “I would love for you to visit church with me sometime. Maybe we can try to sort through this mess and come to a consensus, together”

I leaned my head down more. Chris had hit it right on the money my life was tormented. I was in dire need of reformation, I had ruined Chris’ life and singed beyond belief my and Naima’s relationship. My relationship with Kaden was rapidly disintegrating and Kaven didn’t know who his dad was. His curiosity was slowly beginning to take form and I just didn’t have the energy to fight these battles anymore, I was utterly worn out.

Looking back up into his eyes, I searched for some of the old hatred and malice that was in our last encounter and saw none. Who knows maybe he had really forgiven me for what I had done to him seven years ago. Bewildered I could not comprehend how someone could forgive someone for something so deceitful and immoral. Maybe going to church wasn’t such a bad choice for me to make. My life needed to go in a new direction because whatever way I was facing at this moment was not working for me.

Shutting my eyes and swallowing audibly as the tears slipped down my face. I decided to accept Chris’ invitation. A peace I had never known swept through my body with the conclusion of my decision. Chris pulled me to my feet and embraced me in a hug. I didn’t expect it, but welcomed it with all the gratitude in the world.

“Haven, I don’t know what is going on but I want you to know that I forgive you. Have you ever been forgiven before? You don’t have to fight me. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. I just want everything to be right and the only person that can bring that about is you.”

“I know.” I whispered. I must have seemed pathetic to Chris. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and I couldn’t understand what was going on with me. I wanted everything to be right in the world. I owed everyone that much. Chris, Kaden, Naima and Kaven, I owed all of them. Whether they knew it or not, it was time for some changes to take place.

Letting go of Chris I walked over to the glass coffee table where my ceramic tissue box was and pulled out a handful. There were many details that we needed to discuss and I knew that he would not leave without some type of answers from me. Slowly walking back over to where he was I gathered my thoughts. Taking a seat on the sofa where he had been sitting, I patted the space next to me, indicating for him to take a seat. He took a seat and glanced over at me.

Inhaling slowly I took the first step towards the long journey it would take to correct all the wrong I had done.

“Chris, I would love to go to church with you. I have no idea how my life got so out of wack.” He gave me an incredulous look, to which I promptly relented “ok, I guess the constant lying had something to do with it.” Looking him dead in his eyes, “I apologize for what I did to you. I know I already said that, but I have no idea what it is like to have your life taken away from you for something you knowingly didn’t do and words cannot express enough how badly I feel and how I will do everything within my power to right the wrong I did to you all those years ago.” Damn these tears that are insistent on being present this afternoon.

“Haven, believe me when I tell you, I never want you to apologize for that again. I have forgiven you. I make my own way. I finished school while I was in jail and the last year that I have been out, I have spent my time building my own financial empire. Despite the trip up that I suffered, I am doing ok now which is why I felt it was time to come back and face these old demons and in doing so, make you face yours as well.”

“The situation wasn’t single handedly your fault you know,” he continued, “I could have said something, anything to prevent my going to jail, but then you would have went to jail for perjury and I didn’t want you to have to experience what jail was like. You were pregnant and so close to your due date; I didn’t want you entering jail and have your baby being taken away from you. Even in the mist of my hatred for you I still loved you too much to do that to you, so I made the conscious decision to take the rap for a crime I never committed.”

“I know you did, but the thing is, you shouldn’t have had too. I should have been woman enough to take responsibility for my actions and deal with my life where it was, instead of try to grasp someone else’s reality.

Naima has always had everything; being so caught up in her fairytale I missed the opportunity to enjoy my own.”

“The opportunity is still available to you, if you are woman enough to seize it.” That jolted me out of my piteous state. What in the world, was he talking about? After doing years of jail time on my account this man was standing in my family room still offering me the opportunity to enjoy a fairytale. My hearing has to be screwed up from the waterfall of tears I had dropped.

“Come again.” I heard the words come out of me but it was as if I was in a trance like state.

He spoke very deliberately this time. “If you are the woman I believe you would like to be, I would like the opportunity to show you what your fairytale could have been like had I been given the chance to show you before.”

I could not believe my ears. I had heard him correctly the first time, unless my ears were really betraying me, which is no more than I deserved. This handsome man that I wronged was giving me the chance to prove to him that I could be the woman he needed me to be. Me, Haven Williams, the woman that has always been second where Naima was concerned had a man that wanted to belong to just me. There really was a God. If I hadn’t tried so hard to live Naima’s life I could have spent the last seven years enjoying my own and she would have been happy for me because that is just the type of woman she was. Instead, I spent those years chasing a man that was then, is now and will forever be in love with her. Reviewing it all in my head now, I feel so stupid. Chris was made for me. I always knew it. I knew it when I met him that long ago day in the university library, I just wanted to live the dream. Too bad, I chose a dream that wasn’t mine to live. God had truly worked in his life. Any man that could knowingly go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit, get sent there by the woman he was in love with, be able to forgive her and still want to have her in his life was unfathomable. Only God can make those types of things happen. It was a miracle and I was going to spend the rest of my life making it up to him if it killed me.

I finally found the words to let him know what I was feeling. “I would love the opportunity to experience my own fairytale with you. But, I have to be honest; I have so many issues with myself that I have to work through. There is no way I am ready to be with someone. Today I am just discovering that I have the ability to not be so angry with my life and everyone in it. It took you coming back and forgiving me to let me know that forgiveness is possible and the type of love you show me even after I tried to destroy your life is unheard of. I want to spend some time going to church with you and getting to know myself and getting to know you.”

“Spoken like a woman who knows where she’s heading and where she would like to end up. I’m glad you said that. The woman I plan to pursue must have a good head on her shoulders.” He said with a hint of a smile.

I remember those were the words he said to me the first time he met me. The ever-present tears began their descent once again. How could I have let this man go? I sent him to jail for such a heinous crime and here he was forgiving me and even sharing an old joke. Maybe Naima didn’t have all the luck after all. Just maybe, there was a little left over for me.

The shrill ringing of the phone brought me out of my thoughts with a quickness. It was the mother of Kaven’s teammate, saying they were pulling into the yard. Hanging up the phone and looking over at Chris, I guess there is no time like the present to start embracing reality and be the woman that only God and Chris seemed to believe I was meant to be.

“Chris, Kaven is home.” I looked down and pulled an imaginary piece of lint off my fuchsia tank top, “Would you like to be properly introduced to him?”

He looked at me in amazement. “You want to do this today, right now?” I was confused, I thought this was what he wanted now he appeared to be nervous.

“I thought you came here today for this very opportunity. Was I mistaken?”

“No, no you were not. I’ve been waiting a long time is all.”

“Well he’s about to run through the door in a second. So get yourself together.” I told him as I began to make my way to the front door to let my baby in.

Sure enough, before I could even get to the front door, Kaven comes running through it about to hurl right into me.

“Whoa, kiddo. Where’s the fire? Slow down for a sec.”

“Sorry Mom, I just got all this cool stuff and I want to check it out.” His animated face could barely contain his excitement.

“Well you haven’t seen me all day, can I at least get a hug or something. Heaven forbid I missed my only baby.”

“Awww Mom, I’m not a baby.” He said as he dropped his stuff in the middle of the floor and came back over to give me a hug. Leaning into the hug, I didn’t want to let him go, until he moved to break away.

“Wait a minute shorty; I have someone I want to introduce you too.”

Grabbing his hand, which he actually let me hold for once, I guided him towards the family room. He was getting so big now; holding Mommy’s hand was one of those things going out the window with age. Pretty soon, he really wouldn’t be my baby anymore. The thought made me a little sad. Nostalgia was starting to consume me.

As soon as we walked into the room and he saw Chris he looked over at me in confusion. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to talk to Mister Thomas.”

Bending down so I could look him directly in his eyes, “Well, that was a couple of days ago when your Mom was behaving rather badly. You’re new and improved Mom has decided that it is ok and you won’t get into trouble for it.”

Kaven pulled my head close so he could whisper in my ear, “but Mom, I already know him, you don’t have to introduce us.” I laughed at that, I loved this kid so much.

“Well baby, you know him as Mister Thomas. When in all actuality he’s someone so much more important than that.” I looked over at Chris and gestured for him to come over. “I’m going to let Mister Thomas introduce himself while I have a seat.” I walked across the room and sat on the sofa so I could observe their interaction.

Chris squatted down and leveled with him by holding out his hand for Kaven to shake. “Hello Kaven, I would like to introduce myself,” looking over at me Chris seemed in need of reinforcement. I nodded affirmation that he should proceed, looking back at Kaven he said, “I’m your father and I am very pleased to meet you.”

Emeri 24

Lying atop my beautifully crafted quilt that Mrs. Cynthia, who I affectionately call Ma Cyn, had made for me, I couldn’t help thinking that life was definitely looking up. From the looks of things, Damir had broken it off with Naima. There was no public service announcement or anything, but the calls had stopped coming and I he hadn’t been to the house in I don’t know how long. I guess my visit to him at his office was effective. I couldn’t really tell though. Maybe I should stop being so anti-social with Naima and try to befriend her. I could probably find out more information that way.

I think she said she would be home today. It’s amazing how we both live here but manage to avoid each other somehow. I see her kids all the time. Kalani is so adorable. Namiyah is a little too inquisitive for my taste. But then again she is only ten, so I guess that’s normal. I could hear them playing now in their playroom which was at the end of the hall.

Getting up so I could identify Naima’s whereabouts, Ma Cyn was a great source of information. I would start with her first and I knew exactly where to find her, in the kitchen. Ma Cyn was always cooking up something delicious to eat. I loved living here.

Bounding down the stairs and skipping to the kitchen, Ma Cyn was right where I knew she would be.

“Hey Chile, what you doing skipping all through the house?” I skipped over and placed a kiss on Ma Cyn’s cheek.

“I’m just happy.”

“Well since you so happy, why don’t you sit down over there at that table so we can have a little chat.”

Oh, oh. One thing I had learned from my own mother was that having to have a “chat” was never a good thing. I did as Ma Cyn bid me to as I watched her roll the fish she had just cleaned and seasoned in flour. My mouth was already watering, anticipating the taste of some good fried fish.

“Naima mentioned to me the other day that she offered you a position at that job of hers.” Damn, I could already see where this was going. “And she told me that you turned it down.” Placing the fish in the frying pan, and then wiping her hands on her apron, Ma Cyn came and sat next to me. “I wanted to touch base with you to see what it is you want to do with your life. I know losing a parent can have a strong effect at any age. But at some point you have to pick up the pieces baby girl and continue on with your life.”

This was a conversation that I really did not feel like having. However, it was Ma Cyn and since she was the one that had inadvertently saved me from myself; I would have this conversation for her.

“I don’t know what it is I want to do Ma Cyn. I never took out the time to make any decisions. My life has always been dedicated to taking care of my Mama. I never planned for the time when she would no longer be here.” My eyes began to sting. Talking about my Mama always brought out the soft side in me.

“You know, you don’t have to fight back the tears. Crying is a sign that you are healing. It’s always ok to cry for your loved ones that are no longer here. Always.” Ma Cyn got up and came around the table pulling me up into her embrace. This is why I loved her. She had filled the void that would have otherwise had me falling down a bottomless pit.

Once I had gotten myself together, Ma Cyn was not letting me off the hook. “Now sit on back down so we can finish this discussion.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I think until you figure out what you want to do with your life, you should go ahead and take Naima up on that offer to work with her. Sitting around the house all day with me is not what someone your age should be doing. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy our time together but you are young. Go out earn some money and have fun.”

Maybe Ma Cyn had a point. If I worked with Naima, I would be more accessible to information and knowing what was going on with her.

“You know what Ma Cyn, you are right. I should be earning money and having fun. That is what other girls my age are doing. I believe I will take Naima up on her offer. Have you seen her so I can give her the good news?” I asked with my most pleasant smile.

“Last I checked she was out in the sunroom working on some party or other for her work. Go on in there and talk to her. I’m sure she will welcome the distraction.

Getting up from the table, I went over and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you Ma Cyn, I love you.”

“I love you too Chile,” she said, flicking the towel at me, “now go on out my kitchen, I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

“Kay,” I said while blowing kisses her way as I exited the kitchen backwards. Ma Cyn was a godsend. This place would be a mess without her in it. The world was definitely better because she was a part. Headed towards the sunroom to find Naima, I wondered why I hadn’t thought about working for her being an effective way for me to know exactly what was going on with my lovely sister.

Reaching the doorway of the sunroom, Naima was sitting in the middle of the floor with piles of notebooks and samples spread out all around her. She looked so peaceful even though she was hard at work. I swear this sister of mine could look gorgeous even in sweats, a tank top and her hair in a high ponytail. Watching her for a little while longer, I wonder what it felt like to be her. To have whatever you wanted handed to you on a silver platter, never having to worry about where your next meal came from or if you had enough money to pay bills. It must have been great to be born Naima Ari Vaughn. I felt the contempt swelling up inside of me. I think my sister has had enough peace for now, time to cut it up.

“Hey.” She looked up when she heard my voice. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she really wasn’t interested in talking to me.

“Hey Emeri.” She said, as looked back down and continued whatever it was that she was working on.

I decided to continue talking anyway, since she had all but dismissed me. “I came in here to talk to you about the job opportunity that you had mentioned to me. If it is still available, I would like to be considered for the position.”

She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me giving me the once over. “Really, and what brought about this change of heart. Last time we talked you thought being a receptionist was beneath someone who had graduated at the top of their class and thought that making no money was a better position to have than making money.” She continued to look at me indifferently, “Now personally, I would expect someone who graduated at the top of her class to know that it is more beneficial to make money versus no money. Alas, you must have come to that same conclusion, which is why you are standing in front of me. However, for someone who graduated at the top of her class, you sure came to that decision a little slow.” She then looked back down to continue with her work.

I gritted my teeth. It took everything within me not to walk over and strangle her. If someone would have spoken to me like that in New York, I would have sliced the bitch up. But this was Ma Cyn’s daughter and I didn’t want to burn any bridges with her. So today, I would let that shit slide. But she had better not push me too far.

“Naima, I’m not trying to start a debate about what was said the other day and who was right and who is wrong.” Baring what I hoped was my prettiest smile, displaying all my perfectly white teeth I continued on, “I was hoping that if the position was still available we could see past our differences and come to some form of truce.” That was the hardest sentence I have ever had to say in my life. But there it was, out and free to roam the universe.

“I’ll have to think about it Emeri. You seem to have a problem with me and I don’t know if I want to be forced to work with you every day.” She said glaring at me skeptically. The little witch was beginning to piss me off. She wanted me to beg, I could feel it but I would be damned if I begged Naima for anything. My body was screaming to be released on her ass so I could beat the shit out of her. Luckily, for her Ma Cyn came into the room at that moment. Divine intervention is what saved little Ms. Naima’s ass that day. So help me…I wanted to kill her.

Glancing over at Naima, “Did you too take care of business?” Ma Cyn asked.

I took the liberty of answering before the little witch could put her two cents in. “I tried Ma Cyn, but Naima informed me that she needs to think about it before she offers me the position.”

“Mother, I informed Emeri that she seems to have a problem with me which is why I want to think about it before I force myself to be in her presence every day.” Turning to face me, “Emeri, if you are going to be the first to speak, be sure you are speaking the whole truth.” Returning to her work she had wrote me off again.

I knew Ma Cyn could feel the tension in the room. I was so happy that she was in my defense however.

“Now Naima, you know Emeri is going through a tough time right now. What would it hurt to give her the job? It’ll get her out the house and give her something to do.”

I went and stood next to Ma Cyn with a big grin on my face, I could see Naima’s eyes narrowing as she looked at me. She loved her mom so I knew she would be giving me the job now and without me begging. “Fine Mother, Emeri can have the job. However, if she does not display the kind of professionalism that Exclusively Divine Events has become accustomed to, I will have to let her go. I don’t want you to be upset if that happens ok?”

“Oh baby you worry too much. You know Emeri will be fine. Just give her a chance is all I ask.”

“Her chance has just been granted on account of you and only you.”

“Thanks honey, I knew you would do the right thing.” Ma Cyn said as she walked over and kissed Naima on the top of her head. Walking back over to me, she gave me a peck on the cheek and was on her way out the door, when she turned back, “Naima, I almost forgot why I came over here, you have a visitor.”

“Really?” she jumped up excitedly. “Who is it?”

“Come see for yourself.” Then Ma Cyn turned and went on, as was her way.

Without even looking in my direction, Naima went running out of the room. I followed at a slower pace. I was interested in seeing who was coming to visit her. If it was Damir, I was going to be pissed off. Walking into the front foyer, I saw who Naima was engaged in conversation with and panicked because he looked up at that exact moment and saw me. Immediately retreating from the foyer, I flew up the stairs. Damn, I never meant for him to see me. Now I would have to think of an explanation to give to Naima.

Kaden 25

I heard a noise, which is why I looked away from Naima, and that is when I saw her, a young woman that looked vaguely familiar to me but I could not place where I knew her from. I hated to have to interrupt Naima, but curiosity wouldn’t let this one lay still.

“Hey,” I said looking down at her, “Who was that girl that just turned and walked out of here.”

Without even turning to glance Naima responded, “Oh that was Emeri, my half sister. Though I think she’s more the spawn of Satan.” Hearing her venom laced voice made me want to know what was going on. But at this point is really was no concern of mine. I was working on getting my wife back. I could care less about whatever family feud was going on. I was however amazed that Naima had a half sister who appeared to younger than her.

“Dare I ask how I’ve managed to know you all these years and never know you had a sister, one that appears to be younger than you?”

“Join the club. None of us knew about her. She practically popped up on the doorstep one day asking for Daddy. Not knowing any better, I let her in and the rest is nothing but drama. I’ll give you a quick recap, Daddy had an affair a long time ago and the woman recently passed away, next thing you know, boom here is Emeri.”

“I’m getting the slight inkling that you aren’t very fond of her.”

“I’m not fond of her at all. She came in with a big chip on her shoulder towards me. I tried to be cordial to the girl but enough is enough. She has a nasty attitude and I cannot be bothered with her foolishness. Then mommy had the nerve to practically force me to give her a job. So now, she will be working with me as well. There’s no getting away from her. It’s like she’s digging her heals in and planting roots.”

“Well, sounds like you guys have been over here having a ball.” I smiled inwardly when I saw the look Naima gave me. I didn’t care. Nothing could spoil my mood. The fact that I was even here, and she was allowing herself to open up, and talk with me was enough to make me want to do back flips in the front yard.

“Kaden, don’t play with me. And while we’re on the subject what are you doing popping up on a Sunday unannounced?”

Looking around sheepishly, I fished a pair of keys of my pants pocket and handed them to her. She looked at me with a question in her eyes as she took the keys.

“I’m confused, what does a set of keys have to do with anything.”

“Well, when we went to dinner that night, I know you had mentioned you were about ready to move out of your parents house and that you had been looking at some condos a little closer to your job but the ones you wanted to move into nothing was available.” Her eyes widened as she began to comprehend what I was saying to her. “Since then I have been talking to a realtor about the property and a new complex was just built and I didn’t want you to miss out on the opportunity to live where you wanted so I bought it for you and the kids, as a gift.”

Tears began to run down her face. Naima was always a little on the emotional side, one of the many things that I loved about her.

“Kaden, you didn’t.” I looked her dead in her eyes, “I did. Don’t you know I will do anything for you?”

She flew into my arms wrapping her arms around my neck. “Thank you so much for doing this.” She said as she placed a kiss on my cheek. “There are no words, no words.”

My voice was choked with emotion, all I could manage to do is whisper, “Your hug is enough.”

“Well what is going on out here in my foyer?” Destroying the moment and the cause of Naima breaking out of the hug she was giving me was Mrs. Cynthia.

“Mommy, Kaden bought me and the kids a condo as a gift. Can you believe it?”

“Did he? I wonder what he wants in return.” Mrs. Cynthia was eyeing me with unmasked suspicion.

“All I want is for Naima to be happy.” Deepening my voice slightly and looking her directly in her eyes, “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.” a deep blush was making her turn red as she turned back to face her mother.

“I am happy. Ma can you believe it? It seems so unreal. I’m a go tell Namiyah.” Naima took off down the hall. That left Mrs. Cynthia and me there to stare at one another.

“Kaden, I don’t know what you have up your sleeve but Naima cannot go through another heartbreak. My baby has been through enough. Most of it suffered at your hands. She has been through enough,” she reiterated for emphasis.

“Mrs. Cynthia, I really do have Naima’s best interest at heart. I do not intend to hurt her; I am ready to be the man I need to be. It took me losing her to realize how much I really needed her. There is no life for me without her in it.”

I could feel Mrs. Cynthia giving me the look, trying to size me up to see if I was really about something. I could feel the verbal sting coming.

“You know Kaden; I have never been that fond of you. It seems my baby girl takes leave of her senses whenever you’re around. It’s been going on since the first time she laid eyes on you. Me, I can’t begin to see the attraction.” Mrs. Cynthia was really laying it on me thick, “But what I will tell you is that through the years watching you and what you have done to my little girl, is that you are selfish. You have never had to work very hard at anything and it shows. You lack morals and ethics and yet somehow you always seem to land on top. Let me tell you right now, my baby’s heart is not something you are to amuse yourself with to pass the time. You have done enough damage to her. I will not allow you to come back and do this to her again. Enough is enough.” Mrs. Cynthia was putting her foot down and not budging.

“Mrs. Cynthia, I understand where you are coming from. But I am working on change. I’ve been seeking counseling and doing whatever it takes to help me with my issues. Which run a lot deeper than I ever thought imaginable. But despite everything in the past, I do love your daughter and I don’t want the divorce to take place. So if I have to buy her fifty condo’s I will. Whatever it takes, I will not let her go without a fight.”

Mrs. Cynthia looked at me long and hard, “Ok I believe you. Go on in the powder room and wash your hands, I take it you’ll be staying for dinner?”

I smiled down at her, “Yes ma’am I will be.”

The mystery woman didn’t make an appearance at dinner; I just know I knew her from somewhere. Naima’s luminous hazel eyes had been shining all night that made it easy not to dwell on the girl she said was her half sister. I was excited because Naima was excited. I know her mannerisms well. She couldn’t seem to stop smiling and talking. This is a good sign with her. Every time she caught me eyeing her across the dinner table, she would twirl a piece of her hair in between her fingers. I was making her nervous. Seeing her like this had me reminiscing about our high school days. The times when I would see her in the hall or at cheerleading practice, she would be doing the same thing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the effect I had on her.

“Kaden,” Naima calling my name interrupted my thoughts, “Yes?”

“Did you want to tuck the kids in with me? I’m sure they would like that.”

She had no idea; I would do anything with her. Who cared what it was. “Of course I will help you put them to bed.” Walking up the stairs behind her, I began to wonder what I was thinking when I was stepping out on her so much. She was everything I always wanted and needed. Mrs. Cynthia had hit the nail right on the head. The only reason I stepped out on Naima is that I was selfish. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Only problem, I was stepping out with cupcakes, when I had cheesecake at home. Why do we men always take the hard road?

Entering Namiyah’s room, she was already knocked out. It was as if I were seeing her for the first time. She looked like a smaller version of me with a whole lot of hair. I smiled as I leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. I couldn’t remember the last time I had helped tuck our kids in. Retreating out of Namiyah’s you and entering Kalani’s room, was like going into another world. Kalani was wide-awake and standing up in the crib waiting for someone to come in and get him.

“Do you mind getting him? I’m going to go change into my pajamas and come back, ok?”

“Sure,” I told Naima, “take all the time you need.”

Walking over to the crib, I picked up Kalani and sat into the rocking chair. There was a miniature bookshelf next to the chair and I picked a book with fairytales. Laying Kalani across my chest, I began to read to him. I must have dozed off because I awoke to a flash going off in my face. Looking up I saw Naima standing at the doorway with a camera smiling.

“He wore you out huh?” I heard her say as I rose to put a sleeping Kalani in his crib.

I laughed. “I think I wore him out by reading stories of frogs turning into princes. He went to sleep to avoid the torture.”

Laughing Naima cut off the lamp next to his crib and I followed her into the hallway.

“It’s a little late. D.C. is pretty far from here. Did you want to stay in one of the guest rooms so you don’t have to drive so far tonight?”

Did I want to stay? Was this woman serious? Of course, I wanted to stay. “Yeah, I’ll head out in the morning stay in the guest room tonight, unless I can stay with you?”

“Kaden, don’t even go there aight. The guest room will be fine for you.”

“Hey, you can’t blame a brother for trying.” I said as I turned to follow her to the other end of the hall where the guest room was located. As soon as she cut the light on for me in the room, she was already trying to get around me to leave. Catching her up into my arms, I caught her off guard.

“Kaden put me down.” She was beginning to blush again, I watched as the redness crept up her face.

“I’ll put you down if you give me a good night kiss.”

“Kaden, I told you, I’m not going there with you tonight.”

“Come on Mocha,” I said deepening my voice for added effect, “can’t you see this frog wants to be turned into a prince?”

Tilting her head up and looking at me with those dreamy hazel eyes of hers were my undoing. Bending my head down, I captured her lips in a sultry kiss that I had been yearning to give her for the longest time. I could feel her resistance; she was going to fight me tooth and nail. Breaking the kiss slightly, “Don’t fight me Mocha. I know you still love me. Give me a chance to prove to you I can love you better than before.” I felt her hesitate and I seized the moment. I covered her lips with mine again and when she opened her mouth slightly and moaned softly, I unleashed all the passion I had been suppressing over the last few months. I kissed her for all the years she had stood by my side, for all the memories that we had created, for the two babies she had graciously given me and for all the bull, I had put her through. I rolled my whole heartfelt apology into that one kiss that I wanted seared into her soul.

Pulling away slowly almost as if she didn’t want to. Naima turned her head towards the floor. “Kaden please put me down.”

Knowing that I had probably pushed her too far, I lowered her feet to the floor. Without looking back my way, she turned and headed towards her room leaving a muffled “good night” in her wake. I was tempted to follow her but my cell phone vibrating in my pocket stopped me. Reaching in my pocket to retrieve the phone, I saw the name flashing across the screen, and went into the guest room instead and shut the door.

Answering on the third ring, “Haven, it is late. Is something wrong with Kaven?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Looking down at the phone to make sure the call was still connected I said “Hello?” into the receiver.

Finally, I heard Haven’s voice on the line. “Sorry for calling so late Kaden,” I could barely hear her. Her tone was so soft. This was something that I wasn’t used to from Haven.

I sat on the edge of the bed and began to get concerned. Haven didn’t sound like herself, something must be wrong.

“Haven, are you ok? You sound a little funny.”

“What’s funny is that everything is out of sorts. But I feel really good right now.”

“Ok, then what is the reason for this late night phone call? I told you I was not coming over for any more overnight visits. Naima is my main concern and I’m trying my best to make things up to her.”

“Kaden, you have nothing to worry about. I didn’t call to invite you over. Matter of fact you never have to worry about that again.” I was in a state of shock. Haven said her last statement with so much conviction behind it.

“Really, and what brought about this change of heart?”

“It really doesn’t matter, what matters is the reason why I called you this late. I feel that it is time to clear the air.” I heard he take a deep breath before continuing,” “Kaven isn’t your son. I know this is a messed up way to tell you, over the phone and all but, I needed to get that out in the open. I didn’t want to spend another day living a lie. I’m trying to work on me.”

I had all but tuned her out after she said Kaven wasn’t my son. Did this crazy bitch mean to tell me that I had been paying her out the ass all these years for a child that wasn’t even mine? Something in me snapped.

“You scheming, conniving, malicious little bitch. How could you do this to me? I took care of you and Kaven gave you a much better life then you would ever have been able to afford on your own, and the whole time your plotting ass has known he wasn’t my child but still been taking my money.” I had to stop talking; I was ready to kill her ass. It was taking everything within me not to drive over her house and strangle the shit out of her ass. I had put my marriage in jeopardy. Everything because I thought I had a tie to this woman, only to realize that she had been living a lie and none of it was real.

A soft knock came at the door as it was slowly pushed open; I moved the phone away from my ear as Naima poked her head in. “Is everything ok in here? I can hear you shouting all the way at the other end of the hall.”

I didn’t know what to say to her. What I did know however, is that I was done keeping secrets from her. That shit had never worked out in the past. I waved her into the room, to which she promptly entered and shut the door behind her.

Putting the phone back up to my ear, having calmed down, somewhat I felt I was ready to address Haven again, “ I want you to know that I will be taking you to court and suing you for back pay of all the money I paid you over the last seven years. I want every cent of my money back.”

“Kaden, I understand that you are angry and I figured you would want your money back, so I am more than prepared to see you in court.”

“Good.” I told her and ended the call. In one aspect, I was happy about the news she had given. I was finally free from her.

Seeing Naima waiting patiently by the door, I remembered that I had to tell her what was going on. Hating to bring up Haven’s name because I knew it would infuriate Naima, I had no choice, I wanted her to know the truth.

“That was Haven calling to inform me that Kaven is not my son. The whole thing was a lie that she fabricated back in college.”

Naima looked at me with an unreadable expression in her eyes, before turning and leaving the room as silently as she had come.

Damir 26

April is always such a rainy mouth. I swear it had rained everyday and there seemed to be no end in sight. I was heading down the beltway trying in vain to make it on time to Amber’s doctor appointment, which was proving more and more to be nearly impossible. I wanted to give up and turn around but at long last we were finding out the sex of the baby and I couldn’t help but be a little excited. Even though the circumstances were not the best, I always said I couldn’t wait to have children.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally pulling into the parking lot of the doctor’s office. I was about fifteen minutes late, and if I knew Amber, which I did, she was going to be pissed off. I declare, if I could make money predicting the future, I would because sure enough as soon as I walked through the room door Amber was jumping down my throat.

“You are late. Where have you been?” she hissed at me through barely parted lips.

I sat down in a chair placed in the corner of the room not dignifying her question with a response. So what I was a couple minutes late. I was here wasn’t I? That was more than some guys would do considering the way she had gotten pregnant.

“Do you hear me talking to you?”

Damn, I felt sorry for my kid, if this was the way Amber acted toward me I can only imagine what she was going to do when she had a kid around full time doing things she didn’t approve of.

I sighed before responding to her, “Amber what do you want from me? I am here as I said I would be. I’m trying my best to make the most of a jacked up situation, a situation that was decided for me and then dropped into my lap.”

She proceeded to cross her arms and huff some more. I could care less. Women were starting to wear me out. Once upon a time, I would have gone out of my way to make sure that women were happy. But where did that shit get me? Nowhere but on edge. I had become paranoid. I always have a suspicion that Emeri is going to be lurking in shadows waiting for a fatal moment to strike. Sometimes I would swear on my sister’s grave that I was being followed but whenever I investigated, it turned out to be nothing. These women were making me lose my mind. And all the while, I was missing Naima. I hadn’t spoken to her in over three weeks. I couldn’t count the number of times I had picked up the phone to give her a call and hung up just as the first ring was going through.

My life was in turmoil. I didn’t know what direction I was supposed to be going in at this point. Everything was a mess.

The doctor entered just as I was about to go off the deep end in my mind. Thank goodness for divine intervention.

“How are you two doing today?” “We’re fine” Amber answered in a brash tone. He had come in with such an upbeat attitude, something that we definitely needed in this room because all Amber was doing was depressing me. I looked at the doctor. He seemed pleasant enough. He was Native American and stood about 5’7. His name was Dr. Gupta and I liked him immediately. Maybe he could help me get through this pregnancy a little better with Amber.

“Well young people, let’s get started shall we. Can you lay back for me ma’am?” Amber laid back and shifted her hospital gown so the doctor could put the gel onto her belly. “I take it you are anxious to know the sex of the baby,” he said eye balling the two of us. “Yes Sir, we are.” I took the liberty of saying before Amber could open her mouth.

He continued to move the funny little contraption over Amber’s belly and I was all into the screen. I had no idea what I was looking at however. I looked over at him for some direction. Seeing my confusion he began to point things out, “See right there we have the baby’s head, and a little further down we have the arms.” The more he pointed things out, the more I could actually see the baby taking form for myself. It was amazing. I had never been in a room looking at a monitor with a baby, my baby on it before. I was more than a little in awe of the entire situation.

“This is a little strange” My heart immediately did a somersault in my chest. I felt like my ribs were caving in. I couldn’t imagine something being wrong with the baby.

“It would seem as if congratulations are in order.” Dr. Gupta looked up from the monitor at us. “You are going to be the proud parents of twins. One baby was hiding behind the other one.” I felt rather than heard Amber gasp. I could understand her reaction completely.

“Doctor, do you mean to tell me that there are two babies in there?”

“That is what I am telling you,” he looked down at the chart, for my name, “Mr. Collins.”

“Would you two like to know what they are now?” There was too much going on for me to comprehend.

I was still reeling from the news that I would be welcoming two babies into the world instead of one. Amber spoke up that time.

“Yes Doctor. We would like to know the sexes of the babies.”

“Well”, the doctor said as he went back to moving the little mouse looking thing over Amber’s belly. “From the looks of what we have here, I can identify what seems to be a boy and a girl. Congratulations.”

After that, he turned the machine off, gave Amber something to wipe off her belly and left the room.

Wow. I had come in today to find out the sex of one baby and here I was having two. What were the odds of that happening? Leaning down to help Amber up as she tried to rise off the bed, I wondered how she was feeling about the whole situation.

“That was some news huh?” I felt like I should say something. Amber had all but shut down from me.

“Yeah, definitely news I didn’t want to hear.” I don’t know why I bothered with this woman. I knew she didn’t want children at all. That had been one of our issues. So I can imagine she was probably more than a little peeved.

“Amber, don’t you think that you should try to be excited. Look at all the people in the world that are unable to have kids and we have been bestowed the blessing of having two. This is a great thing. Even if you can’t be happy for you, be happy on my account. I am thrilled.” I couldn’t hold my grin back any longer. I may not have planned for Amber to be the mother of my children, but for whatever reason the cards had dealt me this hand and I was going to play the hand that I was dealt to the best of my ability.

“How can you stand over there grinning? What about me? What am I supposed to do with two babies? I was hard pressed trying to figure out what to do with one.” She shook her head in disbelief, “This is the nightmare that just will not end.” I wasn’t totally emotionless, part of me wanted to go to her. But part of me thought she was being selfish. Everything had always been about her. She was the one that had schemed to get pregnant. Now that things weren’t working out to her benefit, she was the one trying to pull a guilt trip. I was not going to allow it. She needed to own up to what she had done.

“Amber, if I’m not mistaken, you are the one that felt the need to get pregnant. This was your doing.” I turned her so that she would have to look at me, instead of rummaging through her purse as if she was in search for something, “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out the way you hoped they would between us. But please don’t take it out on our babies. They are something we both share. Not just you and I’m doing the best I can to be here for you despite the circumstance that brought us here. Because no matter which way you twist this situation, we still made them together, and I’m sure we had fun doing it, from what I recall of all our encounters.”

There is was a little gleam in her eye. I had stoked her ego enough to make her cheer up a little bit. I wasn’t asking for much, just a little bit of some cheer. She sat back on the hospital bed as gracefully as she could at six months pregnant.

“Damir, I know you’re happy and want me to rejoice with you. But I want you to try and understand where I am coming from.” I could see the moisture in her eyes; I had never taken Amber for the overly emotional type. The pregnancy hormones must have had her all out of whack.

“I am pregnant by the man I am in love with. A man who is no longer interested in me, it was never part of my plan to be a single parent.” She started crying full out then. What was I supposed to do? I wasn’t the one that had forged this situation. But obviously, her being so upset could not be a good thing for the babies. I needed some time to think. “I’ll be right back,” I told her as I headed out into the hall.

Maybe it was time for me to start acting like the man my parents raised me to be. I was the one that decided to lay down with Amber. Even though she schemed, no protection is one hundred percent accurate so she still might have gotten pregnant either way and truth be told it’s not like she hadn’t been a good woman to me. Because she had, and she was sexy beyond belief. Many men wanted Amber but she made her own decisions and she had chosen me.

Putting responsibility before my own needs and wants, I decided right there in the middle of the hallway at the doctor’s office that it was in my children and my best interest to commit myself to Amber. They deserved to be raised in a two parent home environment like I was. I had already let Naima go and though that hurt like hell, at this point in my life it wasn’t fair to try and be committed to her when Amber and I were having children together and I was more worried about her and the babies well-being than pursuing Naima at the moment. The one thing I was concerned about however was Emeri’s crazed, psychotic ass. Unfortunately that was a problem that I was going to have to be put on hold. As I saw Amber waddling her way out the room door. Even though I knew she hated being pregnant, she had never looked more beautiful to me.

I ran up to her grabbing hold of her arm to help her down the hall. She rejected my touch almost immediately as she pulled her arm out of my grasp.

“Damir, what in the world?” She frowned her face up looking at me.

“I was just trying to help you.”

“I’m not crippled you know, just pregnant, which I guess is sort of crippled. But I can handle it. I got here by myself, I can leave that way.”

“Ok, you’re going to regret being so abrasive with me once I let you in on some decisions I have been making.” I smirked, as she stopped walking in the middle of the hall. I knew I had her attention now.

Eyeing me intently, “What kind of decisions have you been making?” she asked.

“Well I really don’t want to spoil the surprise. Why don’t you come over my house and join me for lunch?”

“I don’t know about that. The last time I came to your home you treated me like shit.”

“Amber, you pulled a damn pop-up in the middle of the afternoon and ran up on something you really didn’t want to see. What did you think was going to happen in that situation?”

“I thought you would be more concerned with my feelings instead of running behind your little whore.”

“First of all Naima is not a whore, and if you are going to be the woman I have chosen to spend my life with, you will have to get a better attitude when addressing people that I deal with.”

Nothing but silence followed, looking back at her expectedly, “What?”

“You just said the woman you have chosen to spend your life with. Am I hearing things? Or are you saying to me that I am that woman?”

“That is what I wanted to go over with you at my place while we were having lunch. But you already have me rethinking the situation. You will have to carry yourself in a manner that is a positive reflection of me. Hopefully that won’t be too much for you to handle.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I know how to carry myself. Put yourself in my shoes, I’m sure your feelings would have been hurt as well.”

“Be it what it may. You cannot walk around calling people whores. I will not have that type of behavior around me. And I would rather not discuss this conversation at the doctor’s office. Why don’t you come over,” looking down at my watch, “say about seven this evening and we’ll lay everything out on the table and go from there?”

“Seven is good, see you then.”

Tiffany & Co. in Tysons Corner, VA definitely gets my vote for customer service. The sales people are always very informative and they do everything with a smile.

Since I made the decision to be committed to Amber, I figured there was no better way to seal the deal than to propose marriage. I looked at it as if it were a business deal more than anything else and one thing I can give myself credit for is being one hell of a businessman. Logically it just made sense. Marry Amber, raise my children, it was a win, win situation for all. I dated her for a whole year for a reason. She was extremely smart, sexy, and man, I can’t lie, I was attracted as hell to her. She might not rock my world like Naima but she was going to be the mother of my children and that made her sexy to me in a way I hadn’t noticed until today at the appointment.

Gazing through the glass display, I couldn’t quite find what I was looking for. The sales woman seeing the obvious confusion in my face was amped and ready to share her insight and expertise with me.

“You seem to be having a tough time. Can I help you with anything?”

Smiling at her, “Yes, you could help me a lot actually. I’m looking for an engagement ring, and I have no idea where to start.” I looked around the store. I felt like a man in Victoria Secret alone shopping for panties for my girlfriend. Out of place.

“You have come to the right place, Mr.?”

“Collins,” I said reaching my hand out to shake hers.

“Mr. Collins. Please call me Shelby.” She paused as she began pulling out cases of diamond rings. “Ok let us see here. What type of lady is the lucky woman that will be receiving one of our fabulous rings from you?”

“Well, she’s extremely sexy, and classy. Confident in who she is, most of the time. I need something that looks like it belongs on her finger.”

“We certainly can accommodate that request.” Shelby said as she went to a different glass casing and pulled out one of the shiniest diamonds I had ever seen. “This,” Shelby said while locking the case and bringing the ring over so I could see it up close, “is our Tiffany Legacy diamond engagement ring. It is a patented custom cut Tiffany diamond and,” she turned it in her fingers so I could see the side, “it is surrounded by bead-set diamonds.” Handing the diamond over to me so I could get a feel for it, Shelby sat back and waited for my reaction.

She had chosen a beautiful ring. I could see Amber sporting this rock on her finger and loving the status it held with it. This ring was definitely made for her finger. Shelby had hit it right on the money.

“So, how much does a ring like this go for?” I asked as I handed the exquisite diamond back to Shelby.

“Well at two point five carats, which is what this one I’m holding is, it retails at about fourteen thousand dollars.” I almost choked on the gum I was chewing when I heard the price. Fourteen thousand dollars, damn for a ring? What the hell? It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford the ring; it was the fact that that’s just it. It was only a ring, I looked at it again, but a ring that Amber would absolutely love. I felt the headache coming on as I reached for my wallet, pulled out my platinum card, and nodded in verification for Shelby to go ahead and wrap up the ring. Mind made up, I made the purchase.

Emeri 27

Walking into Exclusively Divine Events at a quarter till eight, I was feeling great. Naima had finally informed me that her receptionist slash assistant had to resign due to graduation obligations. So here, I was to begin my first day working for the Queen. My sole purpose was to find out as much information as possible about Damir. He had me barred from his office. I couldn’t even enter the building because it would have been considered trespassing. Last time I went by security very firming set my ass right back outside and made me painfully aware of the consequences if I was to even get within five hundred feet of the building. Damir was crazy if he thought he could get away from me that easily. I was here to stay.

Glancing around the lobby, I was begrudgingly impressed. I didn’t have time to look around long however, because as soon as my eyes readjusted to the lighting I could see Naima standing at the front receptionist desk with her arms folded. Shit. What had I gotten myself into?

“What,” I was immediately on the defensive. I had just gotten here and she was already glaring at me all hard. “First off, you will not what me. When you are in this office, you are to address me as Ms. Vaughn. Is that clear?”

I looked her up and down slowly. Was this bitch for real? It took everything, and I mean everything in me not to slit her throat. What did the world really need with her fluke ass for anyway? She was a constant thorn in my side and the sooner I could get her out the picture the better, for everyone involved.

I shrugged my shoulders indifferently, “Whatever you say, Ms. Vaughn.” She heard the emphasis I put on her name and narrowed her eyes. Doing an about face, she strolled out of the lobby. Good, now with her out of my hair I could take the time to figure out some things around here. Sitting at the reception desk and cutting on the computer, I was amazed by all the files that the former receptionist had under her desk. They must have kept her working like a slave around here. Looking back up at the screen it was asking me for a password. Damn. I would have to call Naima and ask her. Searching around for a phone log that appeared to be non-existent, I had to get up and walk down the hall I had seen Naima take not too long ago. She was the last office on the hall and had her door slightly cracked open.

I was about to knock then thought for what. I hadn’t been following protocol with her yet, why start now? Pushing the door open, I could see her staring hard at her computer screen. She didn’t even look away when she heard me come in.

“Emeri, what do you want? You’re desk is in the front, or did you forget?”

“No, I did not forget. But thank you for unnecessarily reminding me.”

“Ok,” She finally looked away from her computer screen and softened her tone a little “We are really getting off on the wrong foot.” She made a gesture towards the chair in front of her desk, “If you would like to have a seat you can, and tell me what it is I can do for you.”

“I don’t need to have a seat. I just came in here to ask you what the password to the computer was so I could log on. That was all.”

“You’ll have to sign in as me until the IT tech can come in and give you your own username and password.” Taking a post it note and writing down her information she handed it to me and pretty much sent me on my way.

I mumbled a short “Thank you.” As I strolled, out of her office and shut the door. Practically running back to my desk I was ecstatic. I could not believe my good fortune. Naima had actually given me her personal login information. This day was beginning to shape up to be a great day indeed.

I felt like a child on Christmas morning when I typed in the login information and the computer opened up for me. Laid out on the screen in front of me to roam to my heart’s content were all of Naima’s files. I smile toward the heavens. There really was a God. Just as I was about to go into a serious search on the computer, Naima came up behind me and handed me the best present ever.

“Emeri,” I looked up as she handed me a file, “I am in the process of finalizing a birthday party for Damir, you remember him don’t you?” I nodded affirmation as she continued.

“His party will be taking place next Saturday, so what I need you to do is call the following vendors to confirm that everything is paid for and in order. All the phone numbers should be in the file. If you need anything this is the number to my office,” she handed me one of her business cards, “just give me a call ok.”

“Ok.” I told her as she retreated to her office. I could not believe my good fortune. I had all Damir’s information in the palm of my hands. Now I had a way to see him, finally. I could surprise him at his party. This was a wonderful day indeed.

My first day at Exclusively Divine Events hadn’t gone as bad as I thought. Turns out Naima had a soft side. Too bad for her, I did not. I think she really thought that someday we would be friends, or dare I say actually develop a sisterly bond. She was sadly mistaken; we would never be able to have any form of relationship. She had everything as it was. She couldn’t have me too. The first rule of the streets, never under estimate your adversary. But if I had to be nice to her to further accomplish what I was trying to do, I could maintain that small act for the time being. It was all going to be more beneficial to me in the end.

The only downside was that I had been unable to find out any useful information on Damir. With the exception of the actual party information and the timeline for the party, I already knew the rest about him, which is what had brought me to be sitting across the street out front of his home. This is the first time I had done this in broad day light. I usually did it at night, but I had been slacking off lately. The last time I was out here, I had seen a woman knock on his door and leave a white rose on his front step. I wanted to get out and follow her, but when I was going to get out the car Damir came to the door, so I had to duck so he wouldn’t see me.

Now here I was trying to get a glimpse of him. It was hot as hell today. I had been out here for almost two hours already, sitting in my car baking like a Thanksgiving turkey. Wiping the sweat that was beginning to run down my neck and chest, I was about to forget the whole thing and head home when finally there was some activity.

I saw Damir’s car pulling into his driveway. Scooting further down in my seat so as not to reveal myself, I was squinting to see, but it looked like he had a passenger with him. Sure enough, as soon as his car door opened, so did the passenger door, out came the chick that had left the rose on his doorstep and from the way that she was walking, she looked pregnant. Damir went over to help her, when they got close to the front door he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her as he led her into the house. I was in shock. What in the world was going on here? He was just dating Naima recently. How the hell did he manage to get someone pregnant? And she appeared to be in an advanced stage of pregnancy. Let me find out Damir was the creeping kind. He knew that he and I had something going. What the fuck was this shit? I couldn’t hold back the tears. He was supposed to be mine. If anyone was having babies by him, it should have been me.

Starting the car, I drove around the corner to park and wait. The sun was beginning to set, thank goodness. It would be dusk soon. Changing into a black tank top, putting a black wrap around my wild array of curls, and downing a black hat, I was all set. Slowly making my way back around the corner to Damir’s house, I was ready. The nerve he had. It had taken work for me to break him away from Naima. Now he had a pregnant girl friend. Doesn’t he understand that I am the only woman he was allowed to be with? This shit had to stop.

Walking around the house, I began to scope the premises. I am trying to figure out where they are in the house exactly. Everything downstairs was dark, which meant they were probably upstairs somewhere. Not caring either way, I grabbed the brick that I had brought along just for an occasion such as this one and heaved it with all my might through one of the upstairs windows, heard a female scream, then ran and hid behind the shrubbery that lined the outskirts of Damir’s property. I see throwing the brick got an immediate reaction. Every light that could possibly be turned on was on upstairs in Damir’s home. From where I was, I could hear Damir cursing loudly. There seemed to be panic in his voice. What the hell was he panicked about, it was just a silly window, I mean come on. I was about to move from behind my shrub, when suddenly the front door was thrown open and Damir was running out carrying the pregnant chick whose head was slumped to the side.

That is when I became aware of the sirens in the background, which were steadily getting closer. Oh shit, I was trapped. Pulling up into the yard there was an ambulance and about three police cars. How in the world had they assembled here so quickly? The medics came down and took the slumped over female out of Damir’s arms and put her into the back of the ambulance. He readily got in behind her and the driver tore off down the street. The policemen however, were beginning to investigate. There was nothing I could do but sit back, wait and pray that they didn’t see me hiding out in the shrubbery.

I wonder what I did to that woman. The brick must have hit her. I seriously doubt it did any real damage to her. I mean really. The way Damir was acting with the whole ambulance and everything, you would think she was on her deathbed. I would never be so lucky as to have that happen. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t see the policeman inspecting the shrubbery until it was too late.

“Well look what we have hear boys.”

“What you got over there Cee?”

Grabbing me by the arm, “It looks like I gots me a culprit right here,” “Let go of me you bastard.” I yelled at him. He laughed and turned to his partner, “What does it look like to you?”

The officer named Cee’s partner came over to stare me in my face. “Yup, that’s what it looks like to me.” Continuing to gape at me, “now what is a pretty thing like you doing hiding in the bushes at the very place a woman was assaulted with a brick to the head?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” They were not going to get me to admit to anything. I was innocent until proven guilty.

“You know what’s funny Cee,” The officer that had been gaping at me all that time finally turned to look at his partner, “the neighbors across the street seem to remember a young woman fitting this description sitting outside a car parked out in front of their house earlier today.” Turning to stare back at me, “Now, I wonder if we were to look around some more, if we would find a car parked somewhere matching the description of the one they gave us.”

“I don’t care what you find; you don’t have proof of shit.” Taking his handcuffs out the Officer, named Cee put my hands behind my back and cuffed me. “You know, I’ve had about enough of your lip. Coming into this nice neighborhood and causing problems. We’re taking you to the station.”

And the last visual I had before heading to the station was that of Damir’s house getting smaller and smaller out the back seat of a squad car.

Naima 28

Since I was waiting for the final additions to be made on the condo that Kaden had bought the kids, and me I was still at my parent’s house for the time being.

There I was sitting next to my Dad, when the call came through that Emeri was in jail. Hearing jail put everyone in a chaotic drive. Daddy was the one on the phone with Emeri while Mom and I were trying to figure out what was going on. As soon as he hung up the phone, Mom and I were anxious to hear an explanation, but he grabbed his coat and left without so much as a word.

Daddy walked through the door with Emeri around two the next morning. Mom and I had waited up for them. Emeri didn’t say anything to anyone. She brushed by all of us with her head held high and retreated up the steps. I heard her room door close in the distance. I turned to look at Daddy. But Mommy beat me to the punch.

“Well, don’t just stand there. What is going on around here?”

Daddy just shook his head, “I guess this is pay back for not helping to raise her when she was younger. I have to raise her now.” I glanced over at my Mom. What in the world did that mean?

“Now Ken, will you just spit it out. It’s already after two in the morning. We need to get sleep at some point you know.”

Daddy hesitated, whipping his hand over his face. He looked as if he had aged twenty years in a couple hours.

“Emeri was arrested for;” he paused, “throwing a brick through Damir’s window. Unbeknownst to her, the brick hit a pregnant woman that was at Damir’s house and broke her nose.” I gasped as Daddy finished telling us what Emeri had been arrested for. The situation just didn’t make sense. Why would Emeri be throwing bricks through Damir’s window?

I could tell that Daddy was stressed. Mommy was doing her best to console him. I was just happy to see them even engaging in this much conversation. Since Emeri had showed up on our doorstep, it seemed like everything had gone amuck. I know it wasn’t her fault that she was born out of an affair Daddy was having. But the strain she was putting on this household was ridiculous. Since she’s been here, Mommy and Daddy haven’t been getting along all that great. I mean they talked periodically, but the chemistry was definitely off. Emeri met Damir and after that, he began acting funny and then broke it off with me. I arched an eyebrow. I wonder if she is the reason that Damir stopped wanting to see me. I remember that I had left them in the sunroom together while I tended to Kalani that day. What in the world had gone on in there? Maybe I should pay little Ms. Emeri a visit.

Leaving my parents to sort through their own thoughts, I took myself up the stairs to have a little chat with my baby sister.

Knocking on her door and then pushing it open without waiting for a response. I caught her in the act of changing clothes. She glared around at me.

“What the hell is the point of knocking if you are going to just open the damn door anyway?” she said in a terse tone.

“Don’t take that tone with me, and keep your voice down. My children are sleep.”

“Really Naima, I could give a damn about your kids right now ok.” She continued to change into her pajamas, “What do you want anyway? If you came in here to lecture me, you can just keep it aight. Kenneth said enough in the car on the way home. I don’t need your two cents added to it ok.”

“Too bad, because you’re going to get it little girl,” I was sick and tired of her haughty attitude. As if, we owed her something. Moving to stand directly in front of her so she would not be able to ignore me, I pushed her onto the bed. She jumped right back up.

“Don’t you ever touch me, you stupid bitch.” She yelled at the top of her damn lungs it seemed like. Breathing heavily she kept eyeing me, “you touch me again I swear, I will kill you.”

I backed off a little from that. Emeri looked possessed. Her eyes were flashing and she was huffing and puffing.

“Emeri you need to calm down and listen to somebody. You don’t know everything. You are one-step above being a child. Throwing temper tantrums and what not. Do you honestly think that is the way to get your point across? You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one.”

Emeri took a few breathes and looked like she was calming down and getting back into a rational thought process.

“Naima, what do you want?”

Since she wouldn’t sit on the bed, I sat down on the edge of the quilt my mom had made especially for her. “I was wondering when you and Damir became such “good” friends that you felt you had the right to go over his house throwing bricks through windows and breaking peoples noses.”

She held up her hand in protest, “First off, the nose breaking was not planned. It was something that just happened.” This girl was a trip.

“Emeri, that is irrelevant. What were you doing there in the first place?”

She looked me over, “I don’t owe you an explanation, aight.” And proceeded to turn the bedcover down on the other side of the bed.

I kept speaking as is she hadn’t spoken, “You do know I can call Damir and get the story right? I just thought with us being sisters and all and you having the possibility of going to jail that you might need an ally somewhere.” She took a deep breath, “You want to know the reason I was at Damir’s house. Fine. I am in love with him. Neither you nor that pregnant bitch deserves him. He is everything to me.”

My mouth dropped open. I was shocked by her response. “How can you possible love someone you don’t know?” She smirked at me, “I do know him. I know how he feels when he gets hard, and how it feels to have him cream all over my mouth.”

I wanted to smack the taste out of Emeri’s mouth as she continued on her malicious rant, “Do you want to know where I tasted him? It was right here, the first day I met him when you went to tend to Kalani. Let that be a lesson for you. Never leave your man unattended, you’re not the only attractive woman walking around you know.”

If I hadn’t been so mad at Damir for giving in to this little tramp, I probably would have jumped on her. But the fact remains that he had cut me off anyway. So why fight over a man that wasn’t mine? After being married to Kaden for so many years, there was no fight left in me for that type of mess. At least I wasn’t the one walking around acting like a raving lunatic throwing bricks through windows and breaking noses.

Getting off the bed, I turned to look back at her as I was walked to the door, “You know what’s the sad part Emeri, you’re actually proud of that.” Shutting the door behind me, I proceeded to my room to sort through my own thoughts.

Naima 29

It is the eve before Damir’s birthday party and I for one was glad. I am just ready to be done with this whole ordeal and move on with my life. Ever since Emeri had gone to jail, I was without an assistant at the office. As far as I was concerned, she could not be trusted. My mom was finally on my side and understood where I was coming from. Emeri was out of control. My dad had recommended she go to counseling, because the girl obviously had some issues she needed to deal with. He even offered to go with her but of course little Ms. Know it all had refused.

I could not understand that girl to save my life. I had always wanted a sister, obviously, I have to be more careful what I wish for or maybe I don’t know the right things to wish for. Either way her coming to find us had created hell on earth for everyone. Part of me felt sorry for Damir and Amber. I mean Amber didn’t ask to have her nose broken and going into her seventh month of pregnancy she wasn’t allowed to take any pain medication, I can imagine the healing process for her had to be something serious. However, a separate part of me couldn’t help thinking he brought this situation on himself. It serves him right to have released the crazy in Emeri. He should never have allowed her to give him a damn blowjob in my parent’s house. Men, always thinking with their little head instead of the brains God gave them.

The only reason I was even still working on his little party is that I was happy that he did not sue me. With Emeri working for Exclusively Divine Events for that one day, he could have said almost anything that would have had the company or my family in court. He and Amber were still pressing charges on Emeri but that could not be avoided, wrong was wrong and Emeri had definitely been wrong.

Looking over the files on my desk, I was happy that Camille had stepped her game up and done such a good job organizing everything before she left. I missed her now that she was gone. She really did do a lot around here. I would make it a point to send her a graduation gift.

I had just called the last vendor on the list. Everything was confirmed and ready for Damir’s birthday party tomorrow evening, which was taking place at the Newsuem on Pennsylvania Ave in DC. I had chosen the venue myself because it was absolutely fabulous.

Engrossed in my own thoughts I barely heard the knock at my office door. Not really feeling like company, but since I was at work and I didn’t really have a choice, I yelled, “Come in.”

In walked Kaden looking like a kid standing in front of a candy store.

“What are you doing here?” He walked over to me and bent down on one knee. My mind was reeling, what in the hell was he about to do? Watching as he pulled out a ring box, I didn’t know what to do. I just knew this was not a proposal. We were still married as it was.

“Kaden, wh--”

“Shh,” he said reaching for my hand and bringing it to his lips to lay a kiss, “I want you to stop talking and listen, just this once.” And for once, he would have his way, I was speechless.

“I’ve been thinking about the rest of my life and how I want to spend it,” Pausing to look up at me with those green eyes that I love to love and love to hate, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that I want you or no life at all.” Pulling the ring out of the box and holding it up to face me, “this is a promise ring that I had melted down and made from the chain I bought with my first check from the NFL.” I tried to blink back the tears. He loved that chain. It was his “I have arrived” memento.

Trying hard to swallow past the lump in my throat as he slide the ring on my right hand. I whispered, “I can’t believe you melted down your chain. You love that chain.”

“Not more than I love you. I needed something to show you I was serious and if I had to let go of my chain to do that, then it was well worth it.” Still on bended knee, “I’m asking for an opportunity to take you for a ride and get some ice cream, maybe take a stroll through the park.”

I smiled through my tears at that. “No sir, I remember the last time we went for a ride and were supposed to stop for ice cream. Do you remember that?”

He laughed as he slowly got to his feet, “Yeah, we came back with a baby instead.”

“Exactly, so you can understand my apprehension then?”

“A little, but I don’t think you should let that hold you back from taking the chance of a lifetime.”

“Oh, so now this is my chance of a lifetime is it?” I did his usual MO and raised an eyebrow, “and what am I taking a chance on?”

He raised his eyebrow in return and I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. “You’d be taking a chance on happiness, with me. I’m ready to be the man you need me to be. I’ve never loved anyone else and I never will, there is only room for one in my heart and unfortunately for everyone else,” he said pulling me into his arms and whispering the rest in my ear, “you already occupy the space and I have no intention of letting you check out anytime soon.”

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the smell and feel of him. He smelled like Ralph Lauren’s Polo Black cologne. He knows how much I love that scent. I know he wore it just for me. My heart began to soften a little. Could I risk letting Kaden back into my heart and my life? No matter how you twisted it and turned the situation, the fact remained that he had slept with Haven. He had gotten lucky by Kaven not being his, but that was still a sore topic with me. I pulled out of his embrace.

“Kaden, I want to believe you. But you slept with my best friend on numerous occasions. How do you expect me to up and forget that?” He pulled me back into him with a quickness.

“I don’t expect you to forget, I’m asking you to forgive me.”

“And you don’t seem to think that you are asking a lot of me?”

“I know I am asking a lot, but think about the rewards if you were to forgive me,” he began to softly kiss the side of my neck. He was playing unfairly. He knew how much I loved kisses on my neck. “I would be able to take care of you like I always wanted, “his kisses began to move down my throat, “I can give you more babies, I know you want at least two more.” He slowly slide the strap of my dress down my arm as he bared my breast, “I could make you let go of the old sad memories, so we can make new, happier ones,” I sucked in my breath as his tongue flicked across my nipple. “The four of us could be a family again, and go to church, take family trips, whatever you want, wherever you want, however, you want.” My soft moan could be heard echoing through the office as he took my whole breast into his mouth. “All you have to do is agree to forever, so I can love you the way that you know only I can.”

I felt myself wavering; I wanted to give in to him so badly. I felt myself slowly being lowered to the floor. I knew what Kaden was trying to do, and the sad part was I could not seem to stop the situation from happening. Everything felt so comfortable and so familiar.

He continued to softly whisper as he pushed the other strap of my dress down, “I can make you want me, but I want you to want me on your own.” Want I wanted at the moment, was to be able to focus. His kisses had started to make their way down my stomach and I was beginning to breathe shallow spurts of breath in anticipation of what was to come.

“Say you love me Naima. I can tell you still do, and your body still does, but I want to hear you say it.”

I couldn’t even breathe and Kaden wanted me to talk, was he for real? Pushing my dress down past my hips and down my legs, and released a deep sigh as his mouth neared my inner thighs. Arching my back, letting my head fall back to the carpet I could feel myself beginning to lose the little grip on reality that I had left. Lifting his head slightly, he gently grabbed the sides of my lace bikini panties with his teeth and began to pull them down the length of my frame. He was deliberately doing everything slow to make me feel every inch of my own body. It was driving me insane.

“Baby,” he whispered, as his mouth began working its way up my leg, “I’m waiting for you to say it.” My mind was groggy, what did he want me to say? I couldn’t remember what he had been talking about.

“Mmmmmhhugh,” was all I could manage to get out. Why was he doing this to me?

“Tell me you love me.” The kisses that he was strategically placing had me gripping the carpet so hard; I thought my knuckles would pop out of my skin.

“I love you, I always have, I always will.” I gasped out in response. Hearing me say the words, Kaden lifted my hips, spread my legs and buried his head deep within my vee. The sounds of ecstasy and rhythm of lovemaking could be heard long into the afternoon.

Trying to compose myself after Kaden’s visit was difficult. I found myself blushing every time I thought about what had transpired between the two of us, right here in my office, with my co-workers within hearing distance. I did love him. It was time for me to stop fighting the inevitable. I was a goner at sixteen. He knew it, my mom knew it, I was the only one still running away from embracing it.

Gazing out my office window as I had done on so many occasions before this one, I couldn’t help thinking about what Kaden had said. He knew I did want more children; it’s just that under the circumstances, we were living our lives; I couldn’t take the risk of bringing anymore in the world when he and I couldn’t get our marriage together. But now that we were taking the correct steps to improve things, I was more than siked about the whole situation. Very siked indeed.

Sitting in my chair to go through my day planner, I realized that I needed a date to Damir’s party. I’d be damned if I went alone looking like the rejected ex. Please.

Smiling to myself, I decide to give Kaden a call. He would give me anything right now, so attending a party shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for him. Retrieving my cell out of my workbag, I called my husband; it felt so good to be able to say that again.

He answered the phone on the first ring. “Wow, was your finger on the answer button.” I laughed into the receiver, “A little anxious aren’t we?”

His deep voice came across the line, “For you, always.” A blush was sweeping across my body. I felt like we were in high school again, “You miss me already?”

What. Did I. That was an understatement. “So, what do I owe the pleasure of this call too, maybe a return trip to your office?”

I didn’t think it possible for my blush to deepen, but deepen it did. Ignoring his question, “As a matter of fact, I had a very good reason for calling you.”

“Any reason you call, is good enough for me, my beautiful Mocha.”

Kaden was definitely in it to win it. I will give him that. “I was calling because I wanted to know if you would attend a party with me tomorrow night. It’s for a client of mine by the name of Damir Collins and my presence was requested long ago.”

“Damir?” his voice held one of question, “I didn’t know that you knew Damir. He and I have talked some business recently. He invited me to attend the party as well, so of course I will be honored to have my wife on my arm tomorrow evening.”

He and Damir had talked business, as in they knew each other. Damn. Now this was going to be extremely awkward. Kaden had no idea that Damir and I were seeing each other, even if only for a short amount of time. I wonder should I tell him, or just let sleeping dogs lie. Screw it, I choose the latter.

Naima 30

The party……………

The evening of Damir’s party has finally arrived. I am the happiest of the happy. My make-up artist and hair stylist were due to arrive at the house at any moment. The outfit I would be wearing for the evening had been delivered, and Kaden was picking me up at quarter to eight. My teams of workers were already at the Newseum setting everything up. It was going to be a fantastic party, if I do say so myself.

When my hair stylist arrived, I decided to make a drastic change. I wanted a haircut. Something different, to go with my new attitude and new life moving forward with Kaden.

Arriving at the Newseum that evening with Kaden on my arm and the brightest smile on my face, I could hear the music jumping as we were standing at the entrance, waiting for the door attendant to cross our name off the guest list. Even though I had been in charge of organizing the party, I had relinquished day of event coordinator control over to another consultant at the company. This way I could be a guest and enjoy the festivities.

Once the attendant cleared us at the door, the vision that beheld me when we walked into the room was incredible. The seventies had been recreated in this modern space and it was marvelous, there was a disco ball in the center of the floor that was twirling and sparkling. The strobe lights were bouncing off the walls and the DJ was laying it down with all the hot tracks from the seventies. They had even gone back as far as having records. It was great.

Everyone seemed excited to be in attendance, there was a happy energy surrounding the room. People were decked out in their short, short minis and big afros. Bell-bottoms and platform shoes littered the room. Fabulous. It was just fabulous.

Kaden and I were moving toward the refreshment table, when the crowd shifted and I could see Damir with his arm around a very pregnant Amber. Proper protocol was that the host greets all of their guests but I didn’t want him to wait to bring himself over to us. I grabbed Kaden by the hand and marched us over there to greet them. Damir and I had not spoken since I phoned to check on Amber after Emeri’s assault on them.

Tapping him lightly on his shoulder once we reached their side of the room, I waited patiently as he and Amber turned to greet us. My eyes bulged wide, when they landed on Amber’s face. She still looked like the same person, but you could see where she had been assaulted. Her once perfect nose was slightly crooked and there was still a little swelling around it and despite all of that, she had the nerve to be smirking at me. If she only knew how much worse that made her look. Unlike her, my nose was still intact and I wasn’t swollen and pregnant. Shoot, I know I looked good.

Trying my best to avoid staring at her, I focused all of my attention on Damir who I hadn’t seen since the last time I was at his house. His face registered one of shock when he saw whose hand I was holding. Proceeding to shake hands with Kaden before acknowledging me, I stood by and waited patiently.

“Hey Kaden, I’m glad you could make it.” Turning to me, “Nice to see you again Naima, I like the hair. It suits you.” Returning his gaze to Kaden he said, “So, how do you two know each other?”

“Naima is my wife.” I smiled immediately. I love the way “my wife” had rolled of his tongue with ease.

Damir’s face tensed up, “Your wife?” Turning to me, “This is th--” I averted my eyes and pulled Kaden by the hand. My work here was done. “It was nice seeing you again Damir, you too Amber, though these are better circumstances I believe.” Her smirk faded, when I gave her the sweetest smile I could while Kaden and I headed for the other side of the room.

Everything at the party was going smoothly until Haven walked up to Kaden and me on the dance floor with a man that was vaguely familiar to me but I could not readily identify. I felt Kaden’s body react immediately. Glancing at his face, I could see the anger mounting in his eyes and knew there was only a matter of time before he lost his temper.

“Hey Naima, hey Kaden.” Was she serious? How was she just going to roll up on us in the middle of a party and try to be sociable like we were all cool? Kaden and I proceeded to walk around her and her guest, until that witch grabbed me by my arm. “Naima, don’t be rude. I’m trying to make an effort. Can’t you meet me half way?”

If I were not a main player in this game, this situation would have been comical. Unfortunately, for her, I found nothing funny about someone playing with my life, someone that I had once considered a best friend that I could trust.

“Haven,” I said calmly, doing my best not to cause a scene, “please take your hand off me.” That only caused her to tighten her grip.

“Naima, please give me a chance to explain, you haven’t returned any of my calls and this is the only time I have been able to see you outside of the office incident. Which I forgive you for.”

“Forgave me for? Bitch are you crazy? I wasn’t the one doing anything to you.” Pulling my arm out of her grasp, I turned to face her so we could square off inch for inch. So much for trying not to cause a scene, she had drove me too it.

“I’m not the one that was fucking your husband, oops I forgot, you don’t have a husband.” I stopped to act as if I was pondering, by putting my finger to my chin, “I wonder why?” Clenching my hands into fists, I was officially pissed off “Then you tell my husband that he fathered your child, when in all actuality he did not. And you have the audacity to stand here and say you forgive me, bitch fuck you. Why don’t you try forgiving that.” I said as I turned and walked out of the main hall. Chest rising and falling rapidly, I had to calm down. I cannot believe I let her engage me in a public display of foolishness. That was not my style at all.

A couple minutes later, after getting some water and my breathing had returned to normal, I realized that Kaden had not followed me out. Walking over to the door at the main hall, I glance around the room and see him in the corner mesmerized by the slides that have been playing on the screen in the back of the room since we had arrived.

Making my way over to him as fast as I could, since people occupied almost every inch of free space in the room, Damir sure knew a lot of people that wanted to celebrate with him. Finally descending upon the area where Kaden was, he was so engrossed with the screen he didn’t notice that I had approached him. Tipping my head up to get a better view of his face, he seemed a little on the pale side and was gripping his champagne flute so tightly I was afraid it would shatter in his hand.

Turning to look at the screen, I looked at the slide show to see what would make him have such a violent reaction. But the only pictures being displayed were those of Damir and his family.

“Hey baby,” he jerked his head to look down at me in shock, “you ok?”

Shaking his head a little, he mumbled, “unbelievable.”

“What’s unbelievable?” Glancing back at the screen he tightened and flexed his hand about five more times before he responded.

Never taking his eyes off the screen he said, “I saw that girl the night she died, it was about two years ago.”

Turning to look back at the screen, I felt like I was in a trance. “What girl?”

“The one with the golden locks and the dimples.”

Watching as a pretty girl came across the screen fitting that description with the words in loving memory…Alanna you are missed, running across the bottom of the screen.

Ok, so that was Damir’s sister Alanna, but how did Kaden know her? I was confused. It must have showed on my face because his next words to me were, “I met her when I was in Dallas,” swallowing audibly, “The night I had my accident.” Then putting his champagne flute on the table he walked out of the room.

I was beginning to put two and two together, I think. I knew the team was partying in Dallas at a strip club the night Kaden was in the accident that took him away from the second love of his life…football. I also remember Damir telling me that Alanna had been killed almost two years ago in an accident. Therefore, the only conclusion I can piece together is that they were in the same accident and that means if it was at a strip club Kaden was probably cheating on me then too. I could feel a migraine coming on, goodness. Would Kaden’s past ever stop coming back to haunt us?

Emeri

I could see them all in their having a good time celebrating Damir’s birthday. Scoping the security all around the building, I almost laughed out loud, which would have given me away as I hid in the back alley behind the Newseum. Did Damir honestly think that having all this security would stop me from getting in to celebrate his birthday with him? I was here to make sure that he had a birthday he would never forget, and with thirty being a milestone and all, it would definitely be a momentous occasion. I was counting on it.

Waiting for the security guard that was casing the back area to walk around to the side of the building, I made my move. More swiftly and with a purpose, I caught the door as a worker was throwing out the garbage and then snuck in while his back was turned. The internet was the best tool on earth. Because of it, I had been able to pull the floor plans for the building and over the past few days, I had been studying them just for this moment.

Hearing the sounds of the partygoers in the main hall, I was waiting for the golden opportunity to make my presence known. Glancing down to gaze at my watch, I knew that they would be bringing Damir’s cake out soon because I had the timeline for the party, which was the only good thing I had gotten out of working one day at Naima’s job.

Making my way to the kitchen, I managed to get under the cake cart before it was wheeled out for the big Happy Birthday.

Haven

Standing next to Amber and Damir, I am consumed with my own thoughts. I am done trying to make amends with Naima. It was what it was. Everything was now out in the open and I guess there was no coming back from what happened. I know it is my fault how everything went down, but I was hoping that somehow, our love for one another would be able to withstand this; there was so much I needed to tell her.

I felt like my life was in danger. I know Chris said that he forgave me and wanted to start anew. But eyes never lie. They are the most expressive parts of our bodies and occasionally when Chris thought I was focused on something else I could see him out the corner of my eye looking at me with pure hatred. He was great with Kaven but I felt like I was walking on eggshells and he was a time bomb waiting to go off. I know sending him to jail for rape had been the wrong thing to do, but he said he had forgiven me, was that even possible. Looking over at him, I offered up a smile, he winked at me and turned as they began to wheel in Damir’s birthday cake.

Kaden

Who would have thought that Damir’s sister Alanna would turn out to be the stripper Apple from Dallas. What were the odds? The past has a way of sneaking up to bite you in your ass. Sifting my gaze to Naima, I knew she was fitting all the pieces together like a puzzle. I had no idea what to tell her this go around. She had stuck with me through so much and all I could do was pray that we could see through this too. I was going to tell her the truth and put it into God’s hands. I was trying to be the best husband that I could be, so lying was out of the question. I didn’t want to insult her or her intelligence any longer. Lord knows I loved her more than my next breath. If anything ever happened to her, I wouldn’t know what to do with my life.

Breaking my gaze away from Naima, my eyes swept the room and I saw Haven standing next to Damir and her date, who I swear I knew from somewhere. Seeing her, I was immediately disgusted. I don’t care what kind of leaf she thought she was turning. The fact remains that she had me paying child support for a child that wasn’t mine for seven years. Seven fucking years. Every time I thought about it, I wanted to grab her by her throat and squeeze until there was no longer any air left for her to breathe. Absorbed in my thoughts of the different ways I would strangle her, I didn’t notice Naima had come over to stand by me until she reached for my hand and pointed towards the cake being wheeled into the room.

Damir

How the hell was I going to be able to work with Naima’s husband? He was the man that was married to the woman I was in love with but due to circumstance couldn’t have. I had no idea that Kaden was the man from her past that had been causing her all the problems that she was going through. They obviously must have worked them out though, because otherwise they wouldn’t be here tonight with one another. Damn them. Now I would be envious of the man I employ. I would know that every night he was retreating home to be with the woman that should have been mine.

Reaching into my pocket, I felt the weight of the ring I had bought for Amber. It was then that I realized the weight in my heart was greater. Gazing down at Amber, heart heavy or not, it was the right thing to do. She was pregnant with my twins and had suffered a broken nose by a crazed maniac on my account. I owed it to her to marry her. Placing a kiss on her cheek, I turned as the kitchen staff rolled into the room with my birthday cake.

Naima

Standing next to Kaden as Damir’s birthday cake was being wheeled into the room, I made it a point to forgive him for whatever took place in Dallas. We had moved on and were finally in a good place; and I actually like the place we are in. I couldn’t hold his past deeds against him forever.

Watching as the kitchen staff wheeled the cake to the middle of the floor, Damir interrupted just as the DJ was about to cue everyone to sing Happy Birthday. Requesting a mic, the DJ walked over and handed him one, Damir dropped to one knee and reached for Amber’s hand. You could hear the gasps around the room.

Amber looked as if she were about to pass out right there on the floor. I think she was in disbelief. Damir was looking at her with a tender expression displayed in his eyes and part of me felt nostalgic. I remember not too long ago he had looked at me that way.

“Amber, I know that it has been a very rocky road for us. Yet here we are.” He gave a small chuckle as he pulled out a ring that was fit for a princess, he continued, “I would be honored if you will spend the rest of your life being my wife and the mother of the children we will have soon and any future children we make.”

Laughing a little bringing attention to her slightly distorted face, Amber said, “Well I don’t know about the future children thing,” rubbing her engorged belly, “this might be enough, but I would be honored to be your wife.” Anxiously jumping around as he put the ring on her finger, “I thought you would never ask.” He stood up, she threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him with so much passion I would testify in court in front of a jury that it had been dubbed rated R.

Once the kiss ended, Damir handed the mic back to the DJ and he cued up the Happy Birthday song. Everyone formed a circle around Damir and the cake. But before the Happy Birthday’s could commence, out from under the table comes an absolutely stunning looking Emeri, unfortunately, she messed up the euphoric image by wielding a gun and having an insane look in her eyes.

The crowd immediately went into a frenzy, people started screaming and running for cover. I didn’t know what to do. I was grounded to the spot I was standing in; Kaden grabbed me and tried to pull me down for cover. But I knew no one would be able to reason with Emeri but me, maybe as her sister I stood a slight chance.

Staying exactly where I was so she wouldn’t feel threatened in any way, “Emeri, whatever is going on, you don’t want to do this.” Not even turning to gaze at me, just staring straight at Damir she said, “Naima, don’t try to be a fucking good Samaritan. Damir knows why I’m here.” Looking at him in a rage, she started speaking again. “You used me, you allowed me to suck you off in my father’s home and then you just left me,” tears began to pore from her eyes, “you wouldn’t return my phone calls, you got me barred from your job, you had me arrested.” barred from his job, I never knew she had been to his job. Emeri definitely was losing it. Her voice escalated with the next statements out her mouth.

“You think you are the best thing in the world don’t you Damir.” I looked over at him and he was rooted to the floor with a protective arm around Amber, that probably wasn’t the best stance for him to take at the moment, but who am I to give an opinion. “You had Naima, and your little impregnated whore that you’re trying to protect and me sucking you off. How many women do you need to make you feel like a man?”

“You know you men are all the same. My dad left my mother to be with his family, did you know that?” she pointedly looked at me when she said that, “He should have never got involved with my Mama but he did and he left to raise his other family. I grew up with no one.” Her tears were flowing all over the place. I could see her pain so vividly. She was hurting so much. “I imagined myself to be in love with you,” she said turning back to Damir, “but now I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re just as selfish as the rest of the men in the world. And you have to pay.” Cocking the gun back, everything happened at once, she shot the gun, I made a dive for her, the gun went off again and then the world went black.

Epilogue

Damir

My life will never be the same. I had been sitting in the emergency room for the last forty-eight hours and everything was a mess. Amber was gone. Unlike with Alanna, I had been there this time and still I hadn’t been able to protect her. The first bullet Emeri had shot went directly into Amber’s temple and killed her on contact and she fell. Just like that, no doctor on earth could save her. She was already gone before there had been an opportunity. They had rushed her to the hospital in an effort to deliver the twins but only one made it out alive it was my daughter, who I chose to name Alanna. My son didn’t make it to see the light of day. He passed today. His lungs weren’t developed enough and he couldn’t breathe. They pronounced him dead about an hour ago. Making my way down to ICU to check on Alanna, I began to cry. My own selfish actions had caused this situation. Looking in on my baby girl with all the different tubes hooked up to her, I placed my hand on the incubator, praying that she would be ok. The doctor said she was a good size at five pounds, four ounces and seemed to be strong and have a will to fight for her life. She was my little trooper; I know deep down that, she will beat the odds, she will be ok, she just had to be. My sanity depended on it. A nurse brought a chair over for me to sit in and I put my hand through the hole of the incubator so I could hold her hand. It felt like she clenched my finger a little. I smiled. She needed worry. I would never let her go.

Kaden

My heart was lying in ICU. There is no other way to describe it. Naima was just lying there with a bullet wound to the abdomen that the doctor’s were hoping would heal and not get infected. All I could hear were the steady sounds of the monitors. Laying my head on the bed, I grabbed her hand. Someone opened the door behind me, I didn’t glance up. Who cared who it was? The only life that mattered to me was the one of the body lying in this bed.

“Kaden,” I recognized Mrs. Cynthia’s voice. I still didn’t turn. The tears were running down my face and raw emotion was chocking me. There was no way that I could respond to her. I felt her put her hands on my shoulders. “You have to eat baby, I know you want to stay with Naima day in and day out. But why don’t you go ahead and get a little something before you pass out next to her. You’ve been holed up in here for two days. I’m sure she knows you’re here.”

Gripping Naima’s hand even more, “I can’t Mrs. Cynthia. I can’t leave her. What if she wakes up for a minute? I have to be here. I have to be.” I covered my eyes with my hand and sniffled. I can’t remember the last time I had cried.

“What if I go and get you some food and bring it back for you? Will you at least take a bite of something for me?” I nodded affirmation.

Looking up at Naima’s face, she seemed so peaceful as if she were sleeping. Running my hand through her short mane, I lovingly beheld her features. Everything about her was perfect. She had cut her long silky hair but I was fond of her short do. It gave her a sassy edge. Continuing to gaze at her, I would give anything to see her eyes right now, anything to see that mesmerizing smile or hear her honey-coated voice. She couldn’t leave me. There was no world for me without her in it, no world at all.

Getting onto bended knee, I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I had a conversation with God.

“Lord please hear me, I know I have been out of touch with you for many moons, but if you can pull Naima through this, I will make it a point to be the best husband and father that I can be. Please don’t take her away from me. Allow her to see our children grow up, get married, and have children of their own. I pray she have a good recovery and come back to us to celebrate many more years.” I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, “This Lord I do pray in your name. Amen.

Please be on the lookout for the sequel to Coveted

Vengeance

Available January 2010