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death

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death

a n o v e l

amy

gutman

l i t t l e , b r o w n a n d c o m pa n y b o s t o n n e w y o r k l o n d o n

Copyright © 2001 by Amy Gutman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Quotations from Practical Homicide Investigation: Tactics, Procedures, and Forensic Techniques, 3d ed. , by Vernon J. Geberth, Retired Commander, Bronx Homicide, NYPD, © 1996 by CRC Press, Inc. Reprinted by permission.

Quotation from the Buddha from A Heart As Wide As the World: Stories on the Path of Lovingkindness by Sharon Salzberg © 1997. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston.

Quotations from Sexual Harassment of Working Women by Catharine A. MacKinnon

© 1979 by Yale University. Reprinted by permission of Yale University Press.

Lines from M’naghten’s Case, as reprinted at pages 968–970 in Criminal Law and Its Processes: Cases and Materials, 5th ed. , © 1989 by Sanford H. Kadish and Stephen J. Schulhofer. Published by Little, Brown and Company. Reprinted by arrangement with Aspen Law and Business Panel Publishers.

The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Warner Books

1271 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

An AOL Time Warner Company

Visit our web site at www.twbookmark.com.

ISBN: 0-7595-9834-7

First eBook Edition: June 2003

9858_00_i-viii_1-2_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:53 PM Page v For my family

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— Practical Homicide Investigation, 3d ed .

Vernon J. Geberth

Those who are heedless, or unmindful, are as if dead already.

— The Buddha

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equivocal

death

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Wednesday, December 23

1

2

Ice cold. He pressed his hand to the window and watched the frost 3

dissolve, felt the moisture collect on his palm. He’d switched off 4

the lights, and the interior darkness mirrored the inky void out-5

side. Standing immobile, he could almost imagine that he was 6

alone in the world or better yet that he did not even exist, that he 7

was simply a part of this floating emptiness, transported by waves 8

of black snow.

9

But his lungs filled with air. He felt the rhythm of his breath, 10

stark and fatal as an accusation.

11

He was alive.

12

And there was work to be done.

13

Moving away from the window, he switched on a Bestlite floor 14

lamp, acquired from a British import company during his last year 15

of school. He liked things to be well made. He surveyed the scene 16

before him. The space where he stood was cavernous, at least 17 sh

thirty feet long and twenty feet wide. Part of a former warehouse, 18 re

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4

A M Y G U T M A N

1

it was isolated enough to meet his needs. His desk faced a sweep of 2

tall windows, while his clothes — Brooks Brothers suits, several 3

shirts, a tux — hung neatly on a portable chrome garment rack. A 4

Bose CD player sat on an antique table.

5

He was pleased with the space. Everything was just as he liked 6

it. The barren surroundings only underscored the beauty and fine-7

ness of his few selected possessions. His eyes traced the narrow 8

confines of his life.

9

Then, decisively, he made his entrance.

10

Moving to the CD player, he pushed Play. Instantly, the room 11

filled with the opening chords of Cherubini’s Medea. A 1959

12

recording. Remarkable music. Potent. Full of a terrible rage. He 13

glanced down at the CD cover, at the diva Maria Callas. Arched 14

nose. Raven hair. Hands splayed like claws. What was it he saw 15

there? A passion for vengeance — for justice — that matched his 16

own. The promise of its fulfillment. And with this, an unflagging 17

sense of order, of timeliness, of fate. It was this he needed above all 18

else. For even as the time for action grew closer, his confidence had 19

started to ebb. Why had he waited so long? The plan that had 20

seemed so brilliant when he first conceived it could at times seem 21

almost absurd. Again, he tried to push back these thoughts. It was 22

dangerous to think this way.

23

Sitting down at his desk, he turned on his laptop computer. The 24

screen flashed bright. From here on, it was almost too easy. The 25

most profitable law firm in the country. Thirty-seven partners who 26

counted themselves among the most respected lawyers in the 27

world. Power brokers and advisers, they counseled governments, 28

corporations, and the rare private individual with sufficient wealth 29

to pay their fees. And yet cracking their computer safeguards had 30

been child’s play.

31

Strange, the unerring detection of their clients’ vulnerabilities 32

and the utter disregard of their own. Samson’s computer network 33

had just been overhauled at huge expense. The mere fact of this in-ort 34

vestment had seemed to assuage their concerns. There was some-reg 35

thing touching in this naïveté, the almost childlike belief in 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 5

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

5

money. Their computer network was top of the line. Nothing more 1

need be said.

2

Besides, the elder statesmen of Samson disdained technology, 3

the proliferation of desktop computers. They yearned for the days 4

of dictation. Of pretty secretaries, heads bowed, recording their 5

every word. But in the end, even Samson had been forced to sub-6

mit. The firm’s quaint refusal to communicate by e-mail, once seen 7

as a charming relic of its patrician past, had begun to interfere with 8

business. And Samson was, first and foremost, a business. Bowing 9

to the inevitable, the firm edged its way into cyberspace, a territory 10

as alien to its rulers as the planet Mars. E-mail. The Internet. Stan-11

dard issue for more than a decade in the modern business world but 12

still suspect intruders at Samson.

13

And so he found himself in the happy position of breaking and 14

entering an unlocked house. The attorneys’ “secret” passwords 15

gave the illusion of privacy but none of its substance. Remarkable, 16

really, the faith placed by these brilliant men and women in a tech-17

nology they didn’t understand. Hubris. The fatal flaw.

18

He typed in her user ID, mwaters. Then came the password 19

prompt. He grinned as he typed in the response: password. That 20

was it. The same word for everyone. Something easy to remember.

21

She could have changed the defaults, of course. It would have 22

taken only a minute. But she hadn’t taken the time. Like the oth-23

ers, she couldn’t be bothered.

24

A few more clicks, and he was scrolling through a list of her files.

25

Luckily for him, she was one of the new breed, treating her hard 26

drive like a filing cabinet. He’d dipped into these files in the past, 27

not out of any real interest, but for the thrill he took in the fact 28

that he could. Confidential memos outlining trial strategies for 29

lawsuits worth tens of millions of dollars. Clinical dissections of 30

the odds of success. Privileged information that, if leaked, would 31

mean the loss of fortune and career. If blackmail were the goal, 32

he’d have had it made.

33

But he had other things on his mind.

34 sh

Exiting WordPerfect, he clicked on the Calendar icon. In an in-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

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stant, it appeared before him, everything crystal clear. The perfect 2

map. Madeleine Waters’s anticipated movements for the next 3

twelve months. He felt an adrenaline surge, stiff heat in his shoul-4

ders and neck. The room was growing colder as the night chill 5

deepened, but he barely noticed. He had work to do, decisions to 6

make.

7

He reviewed the recent additions. December 23. With Christ-8

mas approaching, the week had been slow: the usual assortment of 9

professional engagements, lunches, meetings, the occasional bene-10

fit or awards banquet in support of a worthy cause.

11

And then a single entry struck his eye.

12

Dinner with Chuck Thorpe. At Ormond. January 5. He knew 13

the restaurant. Had in fact eaten there when it opened last year, 14

unable to absent himself discreetly from the Civil Rights Forum’s 15

annual dinner. Such occasions always left him aching with hatred 16

for the world he’d been forced to inhabit. The smug corporate 17

sponsors. The self-satisfied attorneys who came to be feted, confi-18

dent that their brief forays into pro bono work conferred a sort of 19

secular sainthood.

20

But this miserable dinner had finally proved a gift in disguise.

21

He remembered the restaurant clearly, the low lights, the widely 22

spaced tables. Yes, it was almost ideal, better than he could have 23

hoped. A sense of euphoria swept through him.

24

Then, without warning, it was gone, and he was spinning, spin-25

ning down a cold black chute.

26

No. Make it stop.

27

He pressed his teeth together, already knowing what would 28

come. Dizzy, he grasped the table’s edge. A sour sweat leaked 29

through his pores. The smell of fear. The smell of death.

30

I’m moving as fast as I can.

31

He tried to fight back, to win a reprieve. But it was no use. He 32

was already tumbling back. Back to where it all began.

33

A dark room. And everywhere the scent of fear.

ort 34

She’s sprawled across the floor. He looks down at her from above. It reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

7

feels strange to look down. He’s always looked up at her face, her beau-1

tiful, smiling face.

2

It’s so dark. For a long time, now. Why is she lying so still?

3

He sleeps.

4

And then it’s light. She’s still there, sprawled and broken in ways that 5

he can’t comprehend. She’s floating in a sea of red.

6

He wants to get up, to go to her. But he can’t stand up, can’t seem to 7

move at all.

8

He cries out, but there’s something in his mouth.

9

At first, he thinks she’s asleep. But not really. Really, he knows that 10

she’s dead.

11

He’s hungry. He’s thirsty.

12

And, even then, he knows that she’s dead.

13

She’s dead, and it’s all his fault.

14

And then it was over. Slowly, the vision faded. Still trembling, 15

he stared at the wall. He felt weak, depleted, as if he could sleep for 16

days. But he couldn’t give in to these feelings. Not with success so 17

close. He had to think of the plan. He had to think of the plan. Soon, 18

it would all be over.

19

And he was finally ready to begin.

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

35 re

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1

Monday, January 4

2

3

Monday morning. 7:05 a.m. A gray fog hung over the ice-glazed 4

spires of Manhattan. Pulling her red cashmere cape tight against 5

the winter air, twenty-six-year-old Kate Paine walked purposefully 6

across Fifth Avenue. The snow-dusted sidewalks were still sparsely 7

populated. A good two hours remained until the explosion of rush 8

hour, with its shrieking horns and screeching tires. In the relative 9

quiet of the morning, lulled by the city’s dull roar, Kate clutched 10

her cape close and smiled.

11

The holidays were behind her. She was home.

12

Approaching the plate-glass doors of Samson & Mills, Kate felt 13

a swell of excitement. After more than a year at Samson, she still 14

could hardly believe that she’d been hired as an attorney at this 15

legendary firm. That of all the thousands of law school graduates 16

who poured into the workforce each year, she’d been one of the ort 17

chosen few. Just out of Harvard Law, and she’d already worked on reg 18

cases that most lawyers only dreamed about, cases that routinely 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 9

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

9

figured on the front pages of the Wall Street Journal and the New 1

York Times. Fascinating cases of first impression that stretched the 2

limits of the law. And even more important, she had the chance to 3

hone her skills with the nation’s most formidable attorneys.

4

Kate passed through the revolving doors and into an enormous 5

lobby. Tossing off greetings to the security guards, she slipped her 6

card key through an electronic scanner. Then she moved toward 7

the elevator, high heels clicking on the marble floor.

8

Four days into the new year, the lobby was already stripped of 9

holiday decoration. The scarlet poinsettias, with their incongruous 10

shock of color, had been whisked away. As had the majestic 11

Douglas fir and the electric menorah. Once again, the stately entry 12

stood sober and unadorned. Kate relaxed into the familiar space, 13

felt its timeless weight enfold her.

14

Thank God, the holidays were over.

15

The elevator was already waiting. Kate stepped on, and the 16

doors slid shut. Twenty. Thirty. The floors flashed by. As she’d 17

hoped, Kate was the first person to arrive on fifty-one. Making her 18

way down the deeply carpeted hall, past a row of identical doors, 19

she flipped on lights as she passed. Her own closed door was the 20

next to last. As she rummaged in her purse for the key, she studied 21

a small brass plate. Katharine T. Paine. The T stood for Trace, her 22

mother’s maiden name. On impulse, she ran a finger across the en-23

graving, the metal cold to her touch. Then she turned the key and 24

pushed open the door.

25

Stepping into the office, Kate inhaled its familiar smells, furni-26

ture wax mingled with Chanel No. 19, a fragrance she sometimes 27

wore. She cast an approving eye around her ordered domain, with 28

its panoramic views of the Hudson River and beyond. Even in the 29

morning haze, she could make out the Statue of Liberty in the dis-30

tance, a tiny, brave figure engulfed in mist. The room was just as 31

she’d left it. Neat stacks of paper lined her desk. Cartons of docu-32

ments were stacked against the wall. The preholiday cleanup.

33

She’d try to enjoy it while it lasted.

34 sh

Kate pulled off her cape and hung it in her office closet. Before 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

closing the door, she paused to take stock in a mirror affixed to its 2

back. She looked healthy and rested, her skin lightly browned from 3

a week of sun. She quickly ran a comb through her dark brown 4

hair, cut in the jaw-length bob favored by Samson’s female lawyers, 5

then straightened her horn-rimmed glasses. The glasses were a re-6

cent addition, acquired when she started work. Studying her face 7

in the mirror, Kate decided that she liked the effect. Professional.

8

In control. A woman to be reckoned with.

9

How different she looked now from two years ago, when she’d 10

roamed the Harvard campus in ratty jeans and a backpack. Yet one 11

thing remained the same. Her reflected image inspired the same 12

sense of dislocation that it had since she was a child. Who is that 13

woman? Me but not me. She didn’t dislike what she saw. To the 14

contrary, she knew she was pretty. Clear skin, high cheekbones, a 15

fine straight nose. Her eyes were a deep shade of blue. “Stormy,”

16

her mother used to call them. A full-length mirror would have 17

gone on to show the strong but delicate form: shoulders broad 18

enough that she always cut the pads out of her suit jackets, a sweep 19

of breast not entirely concealed by her black-and-gray Tahari suit, 20

narrow hips tapering to long, slim legs.

21

So why couldn’t she see this person as herself ?

22

It was an old question, one that she’d long tired of considering.

23

She shut the closet door and turned toward her desk.

24

I’m proud of myself, Kate thought, surveying the well-appointed 25

office. I did this all on my own. I could have fallen apart. But I didn’t.

26

In the end, Michael did me a favor. . . .

27

But Michael belonged to the past; he had nothing to do with 28

her new life. Pushing the memories aside, Kate sat down and 29

turned on her computer. The screen flashed on. Responding to 30

computer prompts, Kate quickly typed in her user ID followed by 31

the word password. Then it was on to e-mail. Among the usual 32

clutter of junk e-mails — a paralegal looking for a downtown sub-33

let, a secretary with free kittens, an associate seeking a financial ort 34

planner — she culled the few messages that demanded immediate reg 35

attention. From Justin Daniels, her old friend and Harvard class-9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 11

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

1 1

mate: “Welcome back! We missed you and we know you missed us.

1

Let’s shoot for drinks later this week. Cheers. J. D.” From Andrea 2

Lee, her friend and comrade on countless late nights: “Can’t wait 3

to catch up. Call me ASAP.” There was also a plaintive note from 4

Jonathan Kurtz, a Harvard classmate who’d occupied the office two 5

doors down until a few months back, when he’d been shipped off 6

to Kansas for a trial. “I fully believe that I will be here in Wichita 7

from now until the end of time. I will never perform any task other 8

than the preparation of cross-examination books that will never be 9

used at trial or anywhere else. I will never see any of my friends or 10

family again. On the upside, I will never have to pay for another 11

meal as long as I live.”

12

Kate laughed. Again, she felt a glow of pleasure, happy to be 13

precisely where she was. But the sense of satisfaction was short-14

lived. Soon, she sat staring at an e-mail from Peyton Winslow, a 15

senior associate at the firm. “Greetings. I hope that you enjoyed 16

your vacation. Please prepare for a meeting this morning at 10 a.m.

17

with Carter Mills regarding a new matter. The Complaint (which 18

we believe will be served on January 13) and related papers are in 19

distribution. Please review and be ready to discuss.”

20

Kate glanced at her watch. Already after eight. Quickly, she 21

thumbed through the mountain of mail that had piled up during 22

her vacation. “Will someone just shoot me?” she muttered. Still, 23

beneath the anxiety, she felt a burgeoning excitement. A new case.

24

And a matter significant enough to involve the illustrious Carter 25

Mills. To get in on a case like this at the very start — what a coup!

26

So many of Samson’s massive cases had been gathering dust for 27

decades. There would be nothing for years and then a brief flurry of 28

activity when the current crop of Samson underlings would try to 29

make sense of what their predecessors had done. The work often 30

seemed more archaeological than legal. Now she’d be in on things 31

from the start, positioned to watch the strategies unfold.

32

The phone rang, but Kate let voice mail pick up as she contin-33

ued to search through the mail. She finally found what she was 34 sh

looking for. The complaint, stamped “Draft” across every page, was 35 re

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1 2

A M Y G U T M A N

1

captioned for the Southern District of New York, the federal trial 2

court of Manhattan. The plaintiff’s attorneys must have sent over 3

a draft in hopes of an early settlement. It was often done, the draft 4

complaint serving as leverage, proof of the seriousness of plaintiffs’

5

intent and the prima facie strength of their case.

6

The draft complaint was twenty-three pages. Kate quickly 7

skimmed its contents, trying to get the gist of the claims.

8

And then paused to let it all sink in.

9

This was, in no uncertain terms, a sexual harassment suit charg-10

ing Chuck Thorpe and WideWorld Media with violations of both 11

state and federal law.

12

Chuck Thorpe.

13

WideWorld Media.

14

Kate grappled with the implications.

15

WideWorld was one of Samson’s largest clients, a sprawling 16

communications behemoth with a seemingly insatiable appetite 17

for new acquisitions. Its recent purchase of Catch — a “relentlessly 18

provocative” men’s magazine edited by Thorpe — had sparked a 19

firestorm of protest among stockholders. If they had been upset be-20

fore, this would send them over the edge. While the controversy 21

might be good for circulation — further enhancing Thorpe’s status 22

as publishing’s reigning enfant terrible — it would not play well 23

with the board of directors.

24

A tentative knock on the door broke into her thoughts.

25

“Come in!”

26

“Hi, Kate. Welcome back!” In the doorway stood Jennifer Torri-27

celli, her unflappable nineteen-year-old secretary. Jennifer’s dark 28

fantasia of a hairstyle gave new meaning to the phrase “big hair,”

29

but there the stereotype ended. She typed ninety words a minute, 30

kept flawless tabs on Kate’s ever-changing calendar, and managed 31

to be nice as well. In theory, Kate was supposed to share her ser-32

vices with a first-year associate named Terry Creighton. But for the 33

past six months, Creighton had been in Nebraska, where he spent ort 34

his days in an unheated warehouse, poring through corporate files.

reg 35

Kate could barely remember what he looked like.

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

1 3

“You must’ve had a good vacation,” Jennifer said. “You look 1

great!”

2

Kate gave her a distracted smile. “It was fine. Relaxing. But it’s 3

good to be back.”

4

Jennifer looked at her, incredulous. “I don’t believe you guys.

5

The hours that you put in here. And then you don’t even like va-6

cations. Boy, if I ever went to the Caribbean, I don’t think I’d ever 7

come back.”

8

Kate glanced anxiously back at the papers on her desk. “I’ll tell 9

you about it later. Right now, I have to get ready for a ten o’clock 10

meeting with Carter Mills.”

11

Jennifer’s eyes widened at the mention of Samson’s presiding 12

partner. “Wow. Good luck. Listen, I just wanted to say that there’s 13

a message from Tara on your voice mail.”

14

“Thanks,” Kate said. She’d been right not to pick up the phone.

15

Tara was her best friend and college roommate. It would have been 16

hard to cut short the conversation.

17

“Let me know if you need anything,” Jennifer said, closing the 18

door behind her.

19

Returning to the complaint, Kate glanced back at the caption to 20

find out the plaintiff’s name. Stephanie Friedman. Briefly, Kate 21

wondered what she looked like, this woman behind the lawsuit.

22

But her thoughts quickly moved on. Where would things go from 23

here? Of course, everyone knew that sexual harassment cases were 24

notoriously easy to file and hard to get rid of, making them a fre-25

quent weapon of choice for disgruntled employees. In her year of 26

legal practice, Kate had already seen more than a few such suits 27

filed on tenuous facts in hope of a speedy and substantial settle-28

ment, a sort of legal blackmail. Who knew what had really hap-29

pened? Still, it didn’t take hours of research to know that Thorpe 30

and WideWorld had a mess on their hands. There was nothing 31

subtle about the allegations.

32

Thorpe routinely referred to women as bitches, cunts, whores.

33

He demanded that the women who worked for him wear short 34 sh

skirts and tight sweaters.

35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

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He interrogated female employees about their sex lives, de-2

manding detailed descriptions and subjecting them to elaborate 3

dissections of his own encounters.

4

He’d threatened to fire several women if they refused to sleep 5

with his music producer pal Ron Fogarty.

6

It went on from there.

7

Kate tried to remember what she knew about Thorpe. With her 8

eighty-hour work weeks, she had scant time to keep up with cur-9

rent events. But it would have been impossible to miss the media 10

frenzy that broke out several months back when Catch weighed in 11

on sexual harassment. The magazine’s glossy cover featured a par-12

ody of Hustler’ s famous meat grinder shot, a woman’s legs thrust 13

high in the air as her body disappeared in the utensil’s gears. But on 14

the Catch cover, the head disgorged by the grinder was that of 15

feminist icon Anita Hill. Smaller photos inside paired head shots 16

of prominent female activists with bodies from lasciviously posi-17

tioned porno pix.

18

By all accounts, the credit for the uproar was entirely due to 19

Thorpe, a flamboyant entrepreneur whose editorship of Catch had 20

made him a household name. A North Carolina native, Thorpe 21

had started Catch straight out of college with money raised from 22

wealthy classmates. Kate recalled him from television interviews, a 23

compact, powerful figure who pulsed with contained energy. He 24

seemed to take a grim delight in baiting the talking heads who 25

grilled him. “I respect women,” he said repeatedly, in an exagger-26

ated Southern drawl. “In fact, my mother was one. My sister, too.”

27

Intriguing legal issues, celebrity scandal — what more could a 28

young lawyer want?

29

She couldn’t wait to begin.

30

31

32

Rounding the corner outside Carter Mills’s office suite, Kate 33

slammed into the portly figure of Bill McCarty, who was charging ort 34

in the opposite direction. Her notebook and pens scattered to the reg 35

floor.

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1 5

“Excuse me,” she gasped, bouncing back from the impact.

1

McCarty, red-faced and breathing hard, responded with a short 2

grunt and continued full-speed down the hall, his short arms jog-3

gling at his sides. As she gazed after the stout, balding figure, Kate 4

rubbed her shoulder and wondered what had him so upset. While 5

she’d never worked with McCarty, she knew him by reputation as 6

diffident and unassuming. McCarty was a workhorse, not a show 7

horse. Rumor had it that his election to the Samson partnership 8

stemmed from his willingness to endure crushing workloads with-9

out complaint. Fits of temper seemed entirely out of character.

10

Kneeling to pick up her things, Kate heard a clipped British ac-11

cent behind her.

12

“No need to bow before entering. They did away with that years 13

ago.”

14

Kate looked up to see Peyton Winslow. Not that she’d had any 15

doubt who was speaking. Despite three years at Yale Law School 16

and six at Samson & Mills, Peyton’s Oxford intonations only 17

seemed to grow stronger with each passing year. Today, he sported 18

a large pair of red-framed glasses. The glasses were Petyon’s signa-19

ture; he had a wardrobe of different styles, all slightly eccentric by 20

office standards.

21

“Very funny,” said Kate, clambering back to standing position 22

and smoothing her gray wool skirt. “I was just cut off at the pass by 23

Bill McCarty, and everything went flying. He seemed furious about 24

something. Any idea what?”

25

Peyton gave her a skeptical look. “Interesting,” he said. “I 26

thought he was computer-generated. It never occurred to me that 27

emotions were part of the package.”

28

Kate grinned. She was always surprised by Peyton’s bouts of ir-29

reverence. A rangy figure in his early thirties, Peyton often seemed 30

younger than his years, all eager legs and feet. But appearances could 31

be misleading. Everyone knew that Peyton was a rising star. He was, 32

in the Samson vernacular, “highly regarded.” Affectations aside, 33

he was incisive, hardworking, and an excellent manager. He’d be 34 sh

up for partner in two years and was widely viewed as a shoo-in.

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Together, they proceeded into Carter Mills’s reception area. His 2

secretary, Clara Hurley, was immersed in dictation, her fingers fly-3

ing across the computer keyboard. She jumped when Peyton 4

tapped her on the shoulder.

5

“You scared me,” she said reprovingly, pulling the Dictaphone 6

headset off her tight gray curls.

7

“Sorry ’bout that,” said Peyton. Clara visibly softened. Peyton 8

had clearly gotten on her good side. Smart move, Kate thought.

9

When you were trying to get a brief out on time, a good relation-10

ship with the person typing it was at least as important as your le-11

gal skills.

12

“Have a seat, and I’ll see if Mr. Mills is free,” she said. Clara’s use 13

of Mills’s last name sounded quaint to Kate’s ears. Except for the 14

most inveterate old-timers, everyone at Samson was on a first-15

name basis. But of course, Clara had been with Mills for decades.

16

Waiting outside the closed office door, Kate felt shy and very 17

young. She could feel her heart beating faster. From the corner of 18

her eye, she saw that Peyton was working. His features were locked 19

in concentration as his pen flew across some junior associate’s 20

draft. Kate envied him his seeming calm.

21

For what felt like the fiftieth time, Kate turned back to her 22

notes. If even a fraction of the allegations were true, Thorpe and 23

WideWorld had a major problem. And even if they weren’t true, 24

the case had all the earmarks of a public relations nightmare. The 25

timing — right on the heels of Thorpe’s splashy attack on the very 26

laws under which he was sued — couldn’t have been worse.

27

“Come in, come in.” Carter Mills was standing in the doorway.

28

As she jumped to her feet, Kate felt a subtle change in the atmo-29

sphere, a sort of electric charge. Up close, Mills was even more im-30

posing than she remembered. He was tall, well over six feet, with 31

penetrating slate-blue eyes. Despite gray streaks in his thick dark 32

hair, he gave an impression of youthful vigor. Everything about 33

him — his voice, his bearing, the aristocratic cut of his features —

ort 34

seemed to exude authority. Mills’s grandfather, Silas Mills, was one reg 35

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of the firm’s two founding partners. Yet family connections were 1

the least of Carter Mills’s credentials. He was widely regarded as 2

one of the nation’s leading trial lawyers, the subject of countless 3

feature stories and news reports and a perennial fixture on top-ten 4

lists. Mills was, Kate thought, a rare blend — a scholar who could 5

still woo a jury, a $600-an-hour mega-lawyer who could roll up the 6

sleeves of his $300 shirts and speak directly to the people.

7

Mills gestured them into his office. Peyton slipped into a chair.

8

Kate sat down beside him. As Mills returned to his desk, Kate took 9

a quick look around. Several large abstract paintings. A black 10

leather sofa. The decor took Kate by surprise. There were, to be 11

sure, some traditional touches. Family photographs. Harvard diplo-12

mas. An impressive grandfather clock. But it was not what she 13

would have expected. She was intrigued by the room’s appearance, 14

intrigued and also pleased. It seemed to affirm Mills’s uniqueness.

15

“Madeleine Waters will be joining us shortly,” Mills said, after 16

buzzing Clara for water. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.” He was 17

already back at work.

18

The words pulled Kate back to the present. Another intriguing 19

surprise. Madeleine Waters, the acknowledged beauty of the Sam-20

son fold. Madeleine wasn’t the first female partner at Samson & 21

Mills — there was Karen Henderson in the tax department and 22

Michelle Turner in trusts and estates — but she still stood in a 23

class by herself. The first female partner in the litigation depart-24

ment, a club within a club at Samson, she was a role model for 25

younger women. She seemed to embody a bright new world, a 26

place where power and femininity could coexist.

27

Kate briefly wondered if Madeleine could be working on this 28

case and then rejected the thought out of hand. Madeleine Waters 29

working with Carter Mills? No way. While Mills had once been 30

Madeleine’s mentor, they were now said to be barely on speaking 31

terms. Something to do with a failed love affair, if firm gossip was 32

to be believed.

33

A rustle at the door. Clara Hurley appeared with a crystal water 34 sh

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pitcher and glasses. The perfect secretary of the old school. Care-2

fully setting down the tray, Clara poured water for Mills, her stolid 3

features suffused with a maternal glow.

4

Without looking up, Mills accepted the glass.

5

“Clara, could you see what’s keeping Madeleine. Tell her we’re 6

ready to meet.” Beneath the sonorous calm of his voice, Kate 7

sensed an edge of irritation.

8

“Yes, Mr. Mills.”

9

And then Madeleine was standing in the doorway, a slim figure 10

in a jade silk dress.

11

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said. Her voice, slightly breathless, was 12

lower than Kate had expected. Madeleine sat down on the black 13

leather couch, a little apart from the group.

14

Peyton jumped up and motioned toward his empty chair.

15

“Would you —”

16

“No. I’m just fine here. This is perfect.” Catching Carter Mills’s 17

eye, Madeleine gave him a faint smile. “Perfect. ”

18

The smile seemed familiar. Then Kate realized where she’d seen 19

it before. On a sphinx at the Metropolitan Museum. The so-called 20

archaic smile, mysterious and ever watchful. Again, Kate studied 21

Madeleine’s face. She really is lovely, Kate thought. Up close, she’d 22

expected to discern flaws, a harshness of expression or tone. What 23

she saw instead was an utterly harmonious play of feature: a tumble 24

of dark hair tamed by a velvet band, high cheekbones, clear skin, 25

wide-set eyes that seemed to match the vivid green of her dress.

26

Madeleine must be in her late thirties by now. However, hers was 27

the sort of beauty that lasts, defiant of the passage of time.

28

Carter Mills drew a pair of reading glasses from the pocket of his 29

starched white shirt. After placing the glasses on his nose, he 30

clasped his hands on his desk. “I assume you’ve all read the draft 31

complaint. Based on the facts alleged, I don’t see much chance of 32

dismissal or summary judgment, though we’ll certainly want to ex-33

amine those options. Assuming the complaint’s actually filed on ort 34

the thirteenth, when is our answer due?”

reg 35

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1 9

“Under Rule 12, we have twenty days,” Peyton said. It was the 1

sort of critically important yet mundane fact that associates were 2

charged with tracking. Failure to meet a deadline could result in 3

dismissal of a case. “So if the complaint is actually served next 4

Wednesday, the answer would be due on February second.”

5

“Fine,” Mills said, making a notation in a leather-bound ap-6

pointment book. “In the meantime, we need to get straight on the 7

facts and law. I’ve scheduled a meeting on Wednesday at one with 8

Chuck Thorpe and Jed Holden. Please plan to be there. After that 9

we’ll be in a better position to devise a game plan.”

10

Again, Kate felt a thrill of excitement. Jed Holden. Wide-11

World’s CEO. One of the nation’s most powerful businessmen.

12

The closest most Samson associates would ever get to someone of 13

Holden’s stature was preparing an affidavit for his signature. For an 14

associate, and a junior associate at that, to attend a meeting with 15

Holden present — it was almost unthinkable.

16

“Are there any questions?” Mills said.

17

“I have a question, Carter.” Madeleine’s low voice seemed to 18

linger in the office air. “Would you agree that we can’t represent 19

both WideWorld and Thorpe without a conflicts waiver from 20

WideWorld’s board?”

21

Mills looked at her, his face impassive. “No,” he said. “I would 22

not.”

23

The two partners locked eyes. Sensing the tension, Kate found 24

herself staring at her lap. There was something unsettling about 25

the scene. She was curious, of course — who wouldn’t be — but 26

also strangely disturbed. It was almost like she was very young 27

again, listening to her parents argue.

28

Seemingly oblivious to the younger lawyers, Madeleine pressed 29

ahead, her tone deceptively light. “You can’t ignore the fact that 30

WideWorld has potential claims against Thorpe. When Wide-31

World agreed to buy Catch, Chuck Thorpe was fully aware of Ms.

32

Friedman’s sexual harassment claims. He’d already been informed 33

that the EEOC would investigate. Yet he failed to disclose the po-34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

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tential liability — something the stock purchase agreement clearly 2

obligated him to do. If there’s an adverse judgment in this case, 3

WideWorld may have to consider asserting claims against Thorpe.

4

WideWorld’s stockholders can’t be expected to foot the bill for 5

Thorpe’s —”

6

“We’ll talk about this later, Madeleine.” There was a warning 7

note to Mills’s voice.

8

Madeleine shrugged, and settled back in her seat. The same 9

faint smile Kate had noticed earlier again played on her lips.

10

Kate tried to make sense of the exchange. What Madeleine had 11

said seemed logical, obvious even. Samson’s duty was to its client, 12

WideWorld. You didn’t need to be a specialist in legal ethics to 13

know the dangers of dual representation in a situation like this.

14

But simply thinking this through felt somehow disloyal. After all, 15

Kate chided herself, without actually reading the purchase agree-16

ment, it was impossible to know anything for sure. And even if 17

Madeleine did have a point, why raise the issue like this — why 18

pick a fight with Mills in front of two associates? Only one thing 19

seemed clear: if Carter and Madeleine had ever been lovers, the af-20

fair had not ended well.

21

For a time, Mills seemed lost in thought. Then, he suddenly re-22

sumed command, as if the previous exchange simply hadn’t oc-23

curred. “That’s about it for today.” He was speaking directly to the 24

junior lawyers, as if Madeleine wasn’t there. “Madeleine will be 25

overseeing your work on this case. Of course, you’re free to come to 26

me with any questions.”

27

Surprised, Kate glanced across the room. Her eyes met 28

Madeleine’s. There was an appraising glint in the other woman’s 29

eyes. For a confused moment, Kate wondered if Madeleine had 30

been watching her. But before she could be sure, it was over.

31

Madeleine was studying her folded hands, and Carter Mills was 32

winding up the meeting. “I want a legal memo by the end of next 33

week. I’d like Kate to start in on that. If there aren’t any other ort 34

questions, I’ll see you all Wednesday afternoon.”

reg 35

w

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 1

After the two associates left the room, Madeleine Waters re-1

mained seated on the leather couch. Still smiling, she studied 2

Mills. But when she spoke her voice was cold.

3

“I can see that the magic hasn’t faded.”

4

He returned the gaze but said nothing.

5

“In any case, that was quite a demonstration. Make them feel 6

like they’re part of your world. The quickest path to loyalty and de-7

votion. Not to mention endless billable hours. That’s what you 8

taught me, isn’t it? Well, congratulate yourself. It worked like a 9

charm. You could see it in their faces.”

10

Mills had assumed an air of calm detachment. “You see what you 11

want to see,” he said. “You always have.”

12

Madeleine paused, as if contemplating the next maneuver in 13

some delicate game of chance. “How comforting to find that noth-14

ing has changed,” she finally said. “It’s been quite a while since 15

we’ve worked together. Closely, that is. And you always wonder” —

16

and here she pronounced the words with odd emphasis — “if —

17

something — might — change. And then you realize that nothing 18

ever does.”

19

A smile flickered across Mills’s face.

20

“It sounds like you’ve got it all figured out, Madeleine. Let’s be 21

clear about this. Neither of us is happy with this arrangement. Un-22

fortunately, Thorpe has demanded that you work on this case. Ob-23

viously, we have no choice. You have no choice. I’m sure you 24

understand that.”

25

But Madeleine was barely listening. Her mind seemed to be 26

somewhere else. “That associate. Kate Paine. You hired her, didn’t 27

you? It’s because of you that she came to work here.”

28

Mills’s expression didn’t change. “I have no idea what you’re 29

talking about.”

30

And now it was Madeleine who was silent as her eyes roamed 31

Carter Mills’s face. Then, abruptly, she laughed. When she spoke 32

her voice was heavy with scorn.

33

“You’re so obvious, Carter. It would be fascinating if it weren’t so 34 sh

pathetic. Are you wondering how I knew? Just look at her. ”

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1

Tuesday, January 5

2

3

9:22 a.m. The morning was not going well. Just out of the shower, 4

Kate had spent a good five minutes rubbing hair conditioner into 5

her sunburned legs before realizing her mistake. Swearing under 6

her breath, she stuck her legs under the bathtub faucet and turned 7

on the water full force. What was it with chic cosmetic lines? Why 8

did all the little bottles have to look alike?

9

Toweling off her legs, Kate smeared moisturizer into her tanned 10

skin — carefully checking the label first — and grabbed a new 11

pack of stockings from her dresser drawer. She’d already snagged 12

one pair. She skipped breakfast, planning to grab a bagel at the firm 13

cafeteria. But by the time she got to her desk, the red light on her 14

phone was already flashing. A message from Madeleine Waters, 15

who wanted to see Kate right away.

16

Now, twenty minutes into the meeting, Kate was still unsure ort 17

why she’d been summoned, and the rumbling in her stomach reg 18

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 3

small talk, Madeleine had embarked on a series of questions about 1

the memo Kate would be writing. But as Kate wracked her brain to 2

respond, she had a strong feeling that Madeleine’s thoughts were 3

elsewhere. Madeleine’s gaze seemed to wander from Kate to some 4

point far in the distance. The older woman’s face was pale against 5

the neckline of her black raw silk suit and there were faint violet 6

circles beneath her eyes.

7

“So I think that the key issue will be whether Stephanie Fried-8

man welcomed — or at least consented to — Chuck Thorpe’s ad-9

vances,” Kate concluded, trying to convey a confident enthusiasm 10

that she was far from feeling. After all, she’d just gotten the assign-11

ment yesterday morning. What did Madeleine expect? But when 12

Kate looked up, she saw that Madeleine was drawing on a small 13

notepad. Kate sneaked a look at her watch. She’d scheduled dinner 14

tonight with Tara, but every minute away from her desk was put-15

ting those plans in jeopardy. Then, feeling slightly guilty, Kate 16

forced her mind back to the case. Concentrate, she told herself.

17

The phone rang. From the two short rings, Kate could tell it was 18

a call from inside the firm. Madeleine glanced down at the LCD

19

display and, with an audible sigh, picked up the receiver.

20

“Hello, Bill.” Madeleine’s voice was cool. Kate could hear muf-21

fled words from the other end. Bill. It must be Bill McCarty on the 22

line.

23

As Madeleine shifted the telephone receiver beneath her chin, 24

Kate noticed a thin gold band on the ring finger of her right hand.

25

Not a wedding ring; that would be on her left hand. And besides, 26

it was common knowledge that Madeleine was single. Had she ever 27

regretted not marrying? But then, she must have had many chances.

28

“We went through this yesterday,” Madeleine said, irritation 29

suffusing her voice. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t help you.”

30

Another pause while Madeleine gazed stonily ahead. Once 31

again, Kate could hear what sounded like impassioned pleading 32

from the other end. What could have Bill McCarty so upset? Re-33

calling his inflamed demeanor outside Carter Mills’s office, Kate 34 sh

wondered if there was some connection.

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A M Y G U T M A N

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“I really have nothing more to say about it,” Madeleine said 2

shortly. “You’re going to have to handle this without me.”

3

After Madeleine hung up, she looked reflectively at Kate. “So 4

where were we?” she said.

5

Damn. Kate had been sure that the meeting was near an end.

6

She blinked against the harsh winter light that poured through the 7

plate-glass windows and tried to gather her thoughts. She hadn’t 8

slept well last night — postvacation fatigue coupled with Thorpe 9

case adrenaline — and today she was feeling the effects.

10

“I was saying that the threshold question is whether the plaintiff 11

welcomed Chuck Thorpe’s advances. Obviously, that’s a factual is-12

sue.”

13

“Obviously.” Madeleine’s lips curved softly. Again, Kate thought 14

of the smiling sphinx. A winged creature with the head of a 15

woman.

16

Madeleine had stood up and was walking away from her desk, 17

toward a floor-to-ceiling bookcase across the room. Kate turned to 18

watch as she scanned the shelves briefly, then pulled out a large 19

paperback. Heading back to her desk, Madeleine handed the vol-20

ume to Kate.

21

“You might want to take a look at this,” she said. “For back-22

ground. Historical interest.”

23

Kate glanced at the book. Sexual Harassment of Working Women 24

by Catharine A. MacKinnon. She was momentarily dumbfounded.

25

Catharine MacKinnon was probably the nation’s most well known 26

feminist legal scholar. She’d also been a prime mover in the anti-27

pornography movement, one of its earliest and most vigilant ac-28

tivists. Hardly inspirational reading for a lawyer defending Chuck 29

Thorpe.

30

“I read some of MacKinnon’s work in law school,” Kate said, try-31

ing to muster an air of detachment while she figured out where this 32

was leading. “It’s interesting, but . . . doesn’t she say that sexual re-33

lations between men and women are never consensual?”

ort 34

“Something like that.” Madeleine smiled. She did not seem in-reg 35

clined to continue.

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 5

In the silence that followed, Kate’s eyes scanned the room. As a 1

general rule, partners’ suites were dense with signs of their private 2

lives — family photos, mementos from past victories, children’s 3

artwork. However, this human detritus was notably absent from 4

Madeleine’s office. Hanging on the back wall was a single abstract 5

oil — a vibrant composition of blues, greens, and orange. If they 6

shared nothing else, Madeleine and Carter seemed to share a taste 7

for the modern. Though since Madeleine was younger and a 8

woman, Kate found her choices less surprising. Was it Madeleine 9

who’d shaped Mills’s taste?

10

Aside from the painting, the only other item on the ivory walls 11

was a black-and-white photograph behind Madeleine’s desk. A 12

rugged coastline, waves cresting against huge rocks. Kate found 13

herself staring at the image. She sensed Madeleine watching her.

14

“That’s a wonderful picture,” Kate said. She wasn’t sure what to 15

say next.

16

Madeleine’s face softened as she turned to look at the picture.

17

“A good friend of mine took that many years ago,” she said. “I’ve 18

always had it with me.” Then she looked back at Kate.

19

“How long have you been at Samson & Mills?”

20

The question caught Kate off guard. “Just over a year, I guess.”

21

Abruptly, Madeleine stood up. As if she’d reached some sort of 22

decision. Circling her desk, she came up alongside Kate’s chair.

23

Leaning forward, she grasped her shoulder. “You need to be very 24

careful.” Her green eyes glittered. Her fingers dug into Kate’s flesh.

25

“There are things —”

26

Again, the phone rang. After a brief hesitation, Madeleine re-27

leased Kate’s shoulder and went back to her desk.

28

“Yes, Carter?” This time, Kate could hear nothing from the 29

other end of the line. Madeleine’s head was bowed. Kate couldn’t 30

make out her expression. She felt a sharp tingling sensation on her 31

skin where Madeleine’s hand had been.

32

Moments later, the call was over. Madeleine seemed once again 33

preoccupied as she pulled open a drawer and began to rifle through 34 sh

its contents. When she spoke, she didn’t look up. “There’s some-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

thing I need to take care of,” she said. “We’ll have to finish this 2

later.”

3

w

4

1 p.m. It was time. He’d put it off as long as he could. Any further 5

delay and he might not reach her. Of course, he’d logged on to 6

Samson’s computer network to check Madeleine’s calendar. That 7

was a daily practice. Click in. Click out. He knew she was in for 8

the afternoon. Conference call on some boring Micro-Net matter 9

at three. A new client prospect at four.

10

He picked up the phone, punched in her number.

11

Breathe in, breathe out. Everything will be fine.

12

“Madeleine Waters’s office. How may I help you?” He recog-13

nized the voice of Carmen Rodriguez, Madeleine’s secretary. So far 14

so good.

15

“I’m calling from Chuck Thorpe’s office. Mr. Thorpe has had a 16

slight change of schedule. He’d appreciate it if Ms. Waters could 17

meet him an hour earlier than planned. At seven instead of eight.”

18

Good. Take control. Remind her that you’re the client. You set the 19

terms.

20

“Just one moment. Let me check with Ms. Waters.” He heard 21

the click of the hold button. And then the interminable wait.

22

Say yes, say yes, say yes.

23

Finally, another click. Carmen Rodriguez was back. “That will 24

be fine. Ms. Waters will meet Mr. Thorpe at seven o’clock at Or-25

mond.”

26

“Thank you. Mr. Thorpe very much appreciates the accommo-27

dation.”

28

“You’re quite welcome.”

29

Yes.

30

w

31

Kate leaned against the doorway of Andrea Lee’s office, waiting 32

for her phone call to be over. Kate could barely make out the top 33

of Andrea’s sleek black hair, bobbing rhythmically behind the ort 34

stacks of Federal Reporters and Westlaw printouts piled high on her reg 35

desk. But her emphatic tones were unmistakable.

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 7

“This is outrageous,” Andrea declaimed. “We’re absolutely enti-1

tled to see the customer service files. If we don’t have them by to-2

morrow, we’re filing a motion to compel.”

3

Kate grinned at the familiar scene. Born in Hong Kong and 4

raised in New York, Andrea was a one-woman rebuttal to the myth 5

of the retiring Asian woman. They’d met as summer associates and 6

bonded during their first year of work when they both ended up on 7

a nightmarish document review on one of Martin Drescher’s cases.

8

As the two most junior lawyers on the team, Kate and Andrea had 9

put in more than their share of all-nighters, drinking gallons of cof-10

fee and sending out for endless amounts of sushi, pizza, and Chi-11

nese food. Both of them had billed upward of ninety hours a week 12

during that insane six months. They’d also become fast friends.

13

Now, as if sensing Kate’s presence, Andrea glanced up. Her eyes 14

widened, and a broad smile broke across her face. Signaling to Kate 15

to wait, she returned to her caller.

16

“I think we’ve said about all there is to say, Tim.” Andrea’s fea-17

tures once again reflected an icy intransigence. “We know your po-18

sition. Now you know ours. I have a meeting.”

19

As she slammed down the phone, and jumped up to hug Kate, 20

the familiar grin reclaimed her face. Kate returned the smile, 21

amused by her friend’s seamless shifts from power lawyer to gal pal.

22

She wondered if she did the same thing herself.

23

“You look great!” said Andrea, releasing Kate from a quick em-24

brace. “Can’t wait to hear about the Caribbean. Ready for lunch?”

25

“Yep.” Kate glanced around the sunlit room. Except for the 26

view — Andrea’s windows faced directly west, looking over the 27

Hudson River — their offices were identical. But while Kate’s 28

walls were bare except for her Harvard diploma, Andrea’s were 29

covered with colorful posters of the far-flung places that she loved 30

to visit. Kate saw that a raging Chilean river now occupied the 31

place of honor to the right of Andrea’s desk.

32

“The Futaleufu,” Andrea beamed. “Some of the best white wa-33

ter in the world. We’re going in February. It’ll be summer down 34 sh

there.”

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“We” referred to Andrea and her husband, Brent, an investment 2

banker. While both held high-powered corporate jobs, they were 3

perennially broke due to their endless appetite for wilderness adven-4

ture. Andrea made no secret of why she stayed at Samson: money 5

pure and simple. Money to travel and pay off her law school loans.

6

“Better you than me,” said Kate. “From the looks of things, I’d 7

stay afloat three minutes tops.”

8

“Foolish girl. You’d love it if you’d give it a try.” Andrea grabbed 9

her purse. “Shall we?”

10

11

12

The noise level in the cafeteria had already reached a steady din by 13

the time Andrea and Kate, lunch trays in hand, headed toward a 14

corner table. It was the usual scene. Tables of slick-haired young 15

men, ties tossed over their shoulders. A few scattered clusters of 16

women, mainly secretaries and other support staffers.

17

“Return to GQ Central,” Kate whispered to Andrea, who re-18

sponded with a short laugh.

19

“How do you explain the shortage of females at this firm?” Kate 20

asked, after they had settled into their chairs. “There must be five 21

men for every woman. What was the count for last summer’s asso-22

ciate class? More than sixty guys and only eight of us, right?”

23

“Well, it’s a little like this at any white-shoe firm,” said Andrea.

24

Her eyes narrowed as she studied a colorful concoction of rice noo-25

dles and bean sprouts that she’d spooned off the salad bar. Samson’s 26

latest foray into Asian cuisine. “We don’t eat this cold — why 27

would you? ” she muttered. “Why do they even bother? Each dish is 28

more preposterous than the last.”

29

“Kitchen diversity. So you’re practically the only Asian associ-30

ate. At least the cooking can be pluralistic.”

31

“Good point.” Andrea shoved the salad aside and picked up her 32

cheeseburger. “Who needs noodles anyway? You want to know 33

what I really think?”

ort 34

“About noodles? ”

reg 35

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2 9

offers great maternity benefits. Four months of paid leave. Looks 1

great when the firm gets written up in American Law. Very progres-2

sive. Very PC. But what would happen if half the associates were 3

actually taking it? Need I say more?”

4

“Hmm. Isn’t that just a little bit cynical?”

5

Andrea raised her eyebrows in mock horror. “Oh my God, how 6

can you say such things about me?” She popped a french fry into 7

her mouth.

8

“Then again,” Kate said, “you could have a point.” She turned 9

to her own cheeseburger, took a large bite, and chewed. “Did you 10

get away at all over the holidays?”

11

“Nope. I’m saving up all my vacation for February. I’ve put in for 12

three weeks,” Andrea said absently. She was looking over Kate’s 13

shoulder. “When is that girl going to get married?”

14

“What are you talking about?”

15

“Behind you. Angela Taylor. She’s showing off that ring again.

16

It’s her sole topic of conversation. That and Ally McBeal. ”

17

Kate craned her neck to look at Angela Taylor. She was wearing 18

a sleek navy suit that set off her preppie good looks. Her left hand 19

was extended for appraisal by another young lawyer of similar type 20

and vintage. “I don’t get it,” Kate said. “She went to law school at 21

Yale. Clerked in the Southern District. It’s strange, isn’t it?”

22

“Not really,” said Andrea. “Just because you’re smart doesn’t 23

mean you can’t be superficial. Angela Taylor has it all. Hey, speak-24

ing of weddings, guess who else is getting hitched.”

25

“Who?”

26

“Susan Deveraux.”

27

Kate stared at Andrea. Susan Deveraux was a senior associate 28

and one of a handful of Samson attorneys known to be openly gay.

29

She was a fixture at on-campus recruitment events, where even the 30

most competitive law students sometimes clung to vestiges of an 31

early idealism, demanding that firms show diversity in their hiring 32

practices.

33

“You mean she’s . . . marrying a woman?” Kate asked.

34 sh

“Nope. A guy. A lawyer for Dewhurst Securities.”

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Kate stared at Andrea uncomprehendingly.

2

“Hey, it’s not so complicated, Kate. Susan’s up for partner next 3

year. Get it? The fiancé’s just the latest stage of a transformation.

4

Come on, you must have noticed. First she lost the short haircut.

5

Then she went blond. The wedding was only a matter of time.”

6

Kate sat back in her chair as the pieces fell into place. But An-7

drea was already moving on. “Hey, I got an e-mail from Collins yes-8

terday.” Craig Collins was a former colleague, an associate who’d 9

left the firm a few months back to start a judicial clerkship.

10

“Does he still like clerking?” Kate asked.

11

“Loves it. Says that when you get rid of both the partners and 12

the clients, it’s amazing how much better the profession gets.”

13

Kate giggled. “Makes sense to me.”

14

Andrea picked up another french fry. “So how are things on the 15

WideWorld watch? That’s quite a case you’ve got.”

16

Kate sneaked a hand toward Andrea’s plate for a fry; she’d re-17

solved to skip the added calories today but now regretted her deci-18

sion. She chewed ruminatively, her eyes lingering on a large and 19

indifferent painting on the opposite wall, a run-of-the-mill land-20

scape that reflected both great diligence and an utter absence of 21

native talent. There were canvases like this all over the building, 22

prominently hung in out-of-the-way rooms and hallways, a conces-23

sion of sorts to familial pressures. Partner-wife art, Andrea called it.

24

“Say, what do you know about Madeleine Waters?”

25

Andrea leaned the side of her head on a hand. “Not a lot,” she 26

said. “Just the rumors about her and Mills. I’ve been wondering 27

about her myself.”

28

“Why’s that?”

29

“The last few days, I’ve been doing some work again for 30

Drescher.”

31

Kate’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, Andrea. You poor thing.”

32

Andrea shrugged her shoulders philosophically. “It’s okay. I 33

mean, it won’t be forever. He’s just short an associate, since Belk-ort 34

nap left last month.”

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 1

clear out the firm single-handedly. Drescher was what was known 1

in Samson parlance as a “screamer” — a partner known for blow-2

ing up on the tiniest provocation and sometimes for no reason at 3

all. For a moment, Kate pictured him in her mind’s eye. The thin 4

orangish hair, the damp, red face, the protuberant eyes. She re-5

called his habit of storming into a room and barking off orders. Or-6

ders that often contradicted what he’d said just an hour or two 7

before. “Why doesn’t he just line us up and say, ‘Fuck you,’ ‘fuck 8

you,’ ‘fuck you’?” Andrea had once remarked. “It would take a 9

whole lot less time.”

10

“Has he been managing to act marginally human?” Kate asked.

11

Andrea shrugged again. “He’s been okay. I’m trying to cut him 12

some slack. You know, he’s not the typical Samson partner. He’s 13

really had a tough life. I was talking to Sheila about him last week, 14

asking her how she’s managed to be his secretary for as long as she 15

has, and she sort of defended him. Said he had this alcoholic father 16

who used to beat him up and stuff. His family was really poor. Any-17

way, after both his parents died, he supported a bunch of sisters 18

along with working his way through law school.”

19

“Interesting.” Kate was reluctant to see any redeeming qualities 20

in Martin Drescher. But there was no need to press the point.

21

“Anyway, I haven’t even seen him today,” Andrea continued.

22

“We were supposed to have a meeting at nine this morning, but I 23

don’t think he’s made it in yet. It’s the second time this week he 24

hasn’t shown up for something.”

25

“Do you think he’s drinking again?” Kate asked. Drescher’s his-26

tory of alcoholism was a well-known secret. Though word was that 27

he’d been on the wagon for the past few years, since a stint in an 28

upstate rehab.

29

Andrea rubbed her chin. “It’s certainly occurred to me,” she ad-30

mitted. “But please don’t spread it around. It’s not like I have any 31

proof. And besides I . . . I sort of feel sorry for the guy.”

32

“I can think of better people to feel sorry for. Like the lawyers 33

who work for him. But fine, I’ll shut up for now. How did we end 34 sh

up talking about Drescher anyway?”

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“You asked about Madeleine. She’s been around his office a lot.

2

At first, I thought she might be working on the case, but I don’t 3

think that’s it. Especially if she’s working on that WideWorld thing 4

with you. I can’t really imagine Drescher and Mills sharing her.”

5

Andrea was probably right. Mills and Drescher were leaders of 6

opposing camps, with conflicts dating back more than a decade, to 7

when Mills had defeated Drescher in a bitterly fought contest for 8

managing partner. Now, recalling the unmistakable tension be-9

tween Madeleine and Mills, Kate wondered if it might be linked to 10

her newfound coziness with Drescher.

11

“What’s Madeleine like to work with?” Andrea said.

12

“Fine, so far. I mean not much has happened yet. I did have sort 13

of a weird meeting with her this morning, though. We were talking 14

about the Thorpe case. Then, out of the blue, she comes over to 15

me, grabs my shoulder — hard — and tells me that I should be 16

very careful. Those were the words she used.”

17

“Any idea what she meant?”

18

“None. She was about to say something more, but the phone 19

rang. We never finished the conversation.”

20

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. It was probably no big deal.

21

Something related to the case. You’ll clear it up later.”

22

“Yeah,” Kate said. “That’s what I’ve been thinking.”

23

“So, what’s it like working with Carter Mills?”

24

“We’re just getting started. But so far so good. Actually, I’m 25

really excited.”

26

To her surprise, Kate found that she was blushing. Andrea 27

looked at her curiously.

28

“Didn’t Mills interview you at Harvard?”

29

“Yeah.” Kate felt a quiver close to her heart as the memory 30

flooded back. Samson & Mills. As legendary for the demands it 31

placed on attorneys as for the unparalleled prestige of its name. No 32

wonder the firm was often referred to by its initials, S&M. And yet, 33

despite the horror stories, despite the tales of exigent partners, im-ort 34

possible deadlines, and endless rounds of all-nighters, Samson still reg 35

had its pick of young lawyers.

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3 3

Kate thought back to the scene at Pound Hall. Surrounded by 1

giddily anxious classmates, waiting for their names to be called, 2

she’d had to force herself to stay put. The simple act of putting on 3

a suit and pumps had been almost more than she could take. All 4

she’d wanted was to crawl back home. To curl up in bed and cry.

5

And then she’d met Carter Mills.

6

“Carter is probably the reason I came to Samson & Mills.”

7

Kate’s voice was soft.

8

Andrea frowned. “How’s that?”

9

“It’s hard to explain. He was just so . . . charismatic, I guess. He 10

made you feel like being a lawyer at Samson & Mills was the most 11

wonderful thing in the world. I know, it probably sounds stupid, 12

but it meant a lot to me. I still remember what he said. ‘You’ve 13

been number one all your life. Don’t short-change yourself now.’ ”

14

“What becoming modesty,” Andrea said dryly.

15

Kate ignored her. “It was great,” she said earnestly. “My self-16

esteem was at an all-time low. And here was this amazing man ac-17

tually taking an interest in me, telling me that I had a future.

18

Which was something I hadn’t felt for a while. Remember, 19

Michael had just broken up with me. Before that, I’d just assumed 20

that I’d be moving to Washington with him that fall, when he 21

started his clerkship on the D.C. Circuit. And there I was suddenly 22

without a boyfriend, with no idea what I was going to do next.”

23

Andrea looked at her skeptically. “Come on, Kate. You were 24

graduating from Harvard Law School. You had great grades. You 25

knew you were going to practice law, right?”

26

“Well, sure. But it was tied up with the idea of being with 27

Michael, too. All of the firms I’d looked at were in D.C. And I was 28

mainly looking at ‘lifestyle’ firms — you know, where they actually 29

don’t expect you to spend the night on a regular basis. I wanted us 30

really to have a life together.”

31

Even as she described the scene, Kate felt a sharp pain in her 32

chest. “Anyway,” she said, anxious to complete the story, “I was 33

wandering around campus feeling like a lost soul. I only signed up 34 sh

for a Samson interview because Justin made me. I definitely wasn’t 35 re

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expecting much. And then — it’s hard to explain — but when I 2

met Carter Mills, everything seemed okay again. For the first time 3

in weeks, I felt hopeful, like my life was going to work out.”

4

Andrea looked at her frankly. “Kate, you know I adore you. But 5

I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

6

“Well, it began like a normal interview. He asked me about Har-7

vard — classes, journal work, that sort of thing. But then we got to 8

talking about my family. I told him about my parents splitting up 9

when I was a kid. And then we talked about what it was like when 10

my mom died — that was during my last year in college. I . . . I 11

even told him a little about breaking up with Michael.”

12

“You talked to Carter Mills about that kind of stuff? In an inter-13

view? Were you out of your mind?”

14

“I know. It’s strange, isn’t it? I’m generally not so keen on dis-15

cussing the past. I’m a big believer in forward momentum. But he 16

seemed interested. Really interested. Like he cared.”

17

“If you say so. But it sounds a little bizarre.”

18

“It didn’t feel bizarre at the time. It just felt . . . good.” Kate felt 19

herself blushing again. “You know, for weeks after that interview, I 20

had this fantasy that Carter Mills was my father. That we’d go away 21

for a trip to the country or the beach and that I could tell him 22

everything — everything that was wrong with my life — and that 23

he’d tell me how to fix it.”

24

Andrea shook her head. “I’m not even going to touch that one,”

25

she said.

26

Kate was about to respond but stopped herself. Andrea’s parents 27

had recently celebrated their thirtieth wedding anniversary. How 28

could Andrea, with her parents and husband and teenage kid 29

brother, ever understand how it felt to be facing the world alone?

30

As she herself had since her mother died. There was her father, of 31

course, but she hadn’t seen him for more than a decade, since he 32

moved to California with his new wife and child. For several years, 33

he’d sent birthday cards, and then even these had become spo-ort 34

radic. Those had been the most painful years, the occasional cards reg 35

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3 5

only serving to underscore his general lack of concern. It was bet-1

ter once the cards stopped coming.

2

Kate felt a hand on her shoulder.

3

“Hey there!”

4

“Justin!” Kate jumped up to give him a hug. As usual, Justin 5

Daniels looked as though he’d just stepped away from a photo 6

shoot for some men’s fashion magazine. He was almost too hand-7

some, with an athlete’s graceful build and strong, chiseled features.

8

They’d met over lunch at the Hark, as the law school commons 9

was called. She’d immediately decided that no one that good-10

looking, and smart enough to be at Harvard, could be anything 11

other than a jerk. But she’d been wrong. Four years later, he was 12

one of her closest friends.

13

“It’s great to see you!” Kate said. “Why don’t you join us?”

14

Justin paused, then shook his head. “No thanks, it’s going to be 15

a working lunch. I’m taking a tray downstairs. But how about 16

drinks after work?”

17

Kate brightened. “Perfect. I’m supposed to have dinner with Tara, 18

so I’ll meet you afterward. Say, nine-thirty at the Harvard Club?”

19

They finished making arrangements, and then Justin headed off 20

toward the cafeteria line. Kate felt her spirits lift. If anyone could 21

figure out what was up with Madeleine Waters, Justin could. He 22

seemed to have a sort of sixth sense about what lay beneath Sam-23

son’s surface, about the current pecking order among the firm’s 24

partners and the reasons for these distinctions. How he had accu-25

mulated this knowledge in the one year that they had both worked 26

at the firm, Kate had no idea. But it definitely came in handy.

27

Andrea’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “He’s yummy,” she 28

said. “I still think you should think about changing the terms of 29

your relationship.”

30

“Changing the terms,” Kate scoffed. “You make it sound like a 31

contract.”

32

“Seriously, Kate. Don’t wait too long. Guys like Justin don’t 33

come along every day.”

34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

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“Look, Justin and I are friends. And it’s going to stay that way.

2

I’d never risk screwing up our friendship. You know how it is.

3

When sex gets involved, all bets are off.”

4

“I don’t know, Kate. Brent and I started out as friends, and now 5

we’re married. Very happily married, I might add. Some risks really 6

are worth taking.”

7

Kate shook her head. “It’s different for you,” she said. “If things 8

hadn’t worked out with Brent, you still would have had your fam-9

ily. Something to fall back on. But for me . . . I guess Justin’s about 10

the closest thing to family I have. You know the story. He practi-11

cally saved my life after Michael and I split up. He even signed me 12

up for job interviews when I just wanted to stay home in bed with 13

the shades down. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even have inter-14

viewed at Samson let alone come to work here.”

15

“Like I was saying. Sounds like he’d make a great husband.”

16

Kate rolled her eyes. “No wonder you became a litigator,” she 17

said. “You’re relentless. Can we please just change the subject?”

18

“Okay, okay,” Andrea said. She was playing with the remnants 19

of her pan-Asian salad, building a little rice pyramid with her fork.

20

“So how are things going with Josie?”

21

Kate gave a short laugh. One more thing to worry about. She 22

briefly wondered what she’d been thinking when she agreed to 23

take on this sixteen-year-old girl as part of Samson’s pro bono ef-24

fort. At the time, the idea of serving as a high school mentor had 25

sounded like fun, and she’d liked the idea of giving back. She’d 26

even hoped she might make a difference. But two months later, dis-27

illusion was setting in.

28

“I’m not sure what to do,” Kate confessed. “We had a meeting 29

scheduled right before I left on vacation, but Josie didn’t show up 30

at all. The week before that, she was half an hour late. I had this 31

idea that we’d be talking about books — To Kill a Mockingbird, 32

Catcher in the Rye — that sort of thing. I was looking forward to be-33

ing a teacher. Instead I’m turning into a drill sergeant. Be on time.

ort 34

Do your work. Don’t get me wrong — she’s a terrific kid. She’s reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 7

smart, energetic, full of ideas. But she can’t seem to focus. I can’t 1

seem to get through to her.”

2

“That’s par for the course,” said Andrea. “I had the same experi-3

ence with Vicky when I started to work with her. Just keep pound-4

ing away at the ground rules. Eventually, it’ll sink in.”

5

“I hope so.” Kate glanced at her watch. “Damn, it’s nearly one. I 6

need to get back to work. Ready?”

7

As they carried their trays toward the kitchen conveyor belt, 8

Kate’s thoughts moved back to that morning. “So you really don’t 9

think I should worry? About what Madeleine said?”

10

“Worry? No way. You’ll straighten it out the next time you see 11

her. Just ask her to explain what she meant.”

12

“You’re right,” said Kate. “That’s exactly what I’ll do.”

13

w

14

He stood outside the windows, watching. A little past seven, and 15

already the restaurant teemed with people. Set flat in the middle of 16

a run-down industrial zone, Ormond still pulled in a random as-17

sortment of black-clad artist types — few actual artists could afford 18

the price of a meal — and Wall Street apparatchiks who liked to 19

let their hair down at the end of the day. Ormond, he mused, 20

catered to a bourgeoisie in denial, to wealthy patrons with a yearn-21

ing to be rich and hip; to live on the edge without giving up the 22

status and perquisites of wealth.

23

It was cold, with temperatures hovering close to zero, but he 24

barely noticed the chill. A thin crust of ice slicked the sidewalk.

25

Carefully picking his way, he moved in for a closer look. His re-26

flection wavered in the plate-glass expanse. Then, he forced his 27

gaze back, beyond.

28

She was already there, seated at a back corner table. That was 29

bound to make things more difficult. Still. He’d come prepared.

30

The challenge only fueled his excitement. Since making the reser-31

vation, his emotions had alternated between elation and fear. Now 32

that the time had come, he found himself trying to prolong it. It 33

was tempting to extend the moment. To continue to wait and 34 sh

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watch. To watch her grow restless. To watch as she glanced once 2

again at the gold Cartier watch on her wrist.

3

Like a connoisseur, he savored the possibilities.

4

But it was time to move on.

5

As he stepped through the restaurant’s glass doors, he felt a burst 6

of warm air. He was greeted by the hum of conversation, the tinkle 7

of cutlery on plates. Pushing forward through the human throng, 8

he got within earshot of the pony-tailed maître d’. Translucent 9

bored face. Vacant gaze. Probably thinking about where he’d like 10

to be tonight if it weren’t for this frigging job. From where he 11

stood, he could hear the maître d’ murmuring to a petulant couple 12

in line. “The very next table, madam. Would you like to have a 13

drink at the bar?” No she would not like, what she wanted right 14

now was a table. The caustic tones drifted in his direction until, 15

having no choice, the woman and her date moved to the crowded 16

bar. He’d counted on this level of quiet chaos and disarray.

17

Now came the delicate part.

18

Quickly, he edged past the podium. Perfect. The maître d’ would 19

never remember him. Hadn’t seemed to notice him at all. Slowly, 20

deliberately, he made his way toward her table, an animal stalking 21

its prey. He was seven or eight minutes late. Not enough to prompt 22

suspicions. But it was definitely time to begin.

23

“Why, hello there, Madeleine,” he said.

24

w

25

“So, try the tempura. Fried vegetables, shrimp, tofu — even you 26

can’t complain about that. What’s not to like?”

27

“Tofu. Yuck.” Kate wrinkled her nose and continued to scan the 28

menu.

29

“Well, what about the soy eggplant Parmesan? It really does taste 30

like cheese.”

31

Kate sighed. Her college roommate had always shown a suspect 32

yen for healthful food — green salad and hold the dressing — but 33

lately things were getting out of hand. If she hadn’t been so frazzled ort 34

at work, Kate would have vetoed this choice, the latest in the reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 9

rants that Tara patronized these days. Kate wondered privately 1

how any of them stayed in business. Tara’s strange affinity for soy 2

products and bitter greens could not be so widely shared.

3

“Okay,” Kate mumbled, trying not to sound sulky. After all, she 4

hadn’t seen Tara in weeks. She could at least try to be polite. “The 5

cabbage salad with carrot dressing and the, uh, shrimp tempura.

6

No tofu, though.”

7

“No tofu?” The waiter raised a pierced eyebrow. Kate could see 8

that he’d sized her up for what she was: a meat eater who wouldn’t 9

recognize a vegan dumpling if it bit her.

10

“I’ll take her tofu,” Tara volunteered.

11

The waiter looked grateful. “And what would you like?” He 12

turned to Tara, seemingly relieved to be done with Kate.

13

“I’ll have the tempeh primavera, and the seaweed salad to start,”

14

Tara said.

15

“Cool.” He headed toward the tiny open kitchen at the back of 16

the cramped dining space. It was early, a little after six. Kate and 17

Tara had the place almost to themselves.

18

Settling back in her seat, smoothing her tailored skirt, Kate was 19

struck by how odd they must look together. She in her fitted suit 20

and lawyerly horn-rimmed glasses, Tara in full bohemian regalia.

21

Tonight, Tara was wearing a long batik skirt with a baggy moth-22

eaten sweater. Her red curls were lassoed back with a velvet band, 23

while stray tendrils fell over her forehead and cheeks. Silver ear-24

rings hung just above her shoulders. It was hard to imagine that she 25

and Tara had once traded clothing so often they’d sometimes lost 26

track of an item’s owner. College seemed very long ago.

27

“What’s with the Woodstock refugee look?” Kate asked wryly.

28

“What’s with the corporate clone look?”

29

Kate laughed. “Touché.”

30

“If I showed up for an assignment dressed like you, people would 31

fear for my sanity,” Tara said. An aspiring novelist, Tara had spent 32

two years in a low-level publishing job before opting for the free-33

lance life. She wrote for a baffling array of women’s magazines 34 sh

on subjects ranging from fake eyelashes to sexual politics. Kate of-35 re

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ten stumbled on Tara’s bylines while waiting to have her nails 2

done.

3

“Seitan.” Kate mused. “I always forget what that is.”

4

Tara raised her eyebrows. “You just want me to describe it so you 5

can tell me how repulsive it sounds. And really, it’s delicious. Not 6

to mention being packed with protein.”

7

“Anything that looks and tastes that disgusting better be packed 8

with something to justify its existence as a food product.”

9

“How do you know how it looks and tastes if you don’t even re-10

member what it is?”

11

“Deductive logic. Based on my extensive observation of your 12

dietary habits.”

13

“Very funny.”

14

Kate grinned. The familiar banter was a perfect antidote to the 15

tensions of the past two days.

16

“I’ve missed you, Tara.”

17

“Well, it’s been a long time. You left town before Christmas, and 18

I hadn’t seen you for weeks before that. Not that I’m counting.”

19

“It’s not exactly like I have a choice, you know,” Kate said. She 20

felt a twinge of annoyance. Why did Tara always have to start in on 21

her schedule? “That’s just how Samson is. It’s the same for everyone.”

22

Tara was about to respond when the waiter appeared with their 23

meals. As he set down the steaming plates, Kate noted with satis-24

faction that her meal bore a marked resemblance to genuine edible 25

food. Tara, on the other hand, had her usual brown mess of indeci-26

pherable lumps and strips.

27

“Mine looks good,” Kate said. “I won’t say what yours looks 28

like.”

29

Tara beamed. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

30

They ate for several minutes in companionable silence. Con-31

versation from a nearby table filtered past.

32

“My sister’s, like, very linear about time?” The speaker’s voice 33

was softly indignant, her assertions concluding with a slight up-ort 34

swing. “It’s like, really important to her that you’re on time? She’s reg 35

like — I’m on time, you should be on time. ”

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“Wow, I don’t even like watches, to wear them. Like I don’t 1

even like how they feel on my arm. ”

2

“I have to wear one.” A dejected sigh. “I just don’t have a body 3

clock.”

4

Oh, brother, Kate thought. Get me out of here.

5

Then Tara was talking again. “Why do you stay at that place?”

6

Tara was chewing thoughtfully, watching Kate as she ate.

7

“What?” But of course she knew what Tara meant. For all her 8

laid-back demeanor, Tara was nothing if not persistent.

9

“That law firm. Why do you stay there?”

10

Kate tried to stay calm. “Look, it’s only been about a year. Any-11

way, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It structures my time.” Even as she 12

spoke, it occurred to Kate that this did not sound like an especially 13

strong defense of a job that consumed more hours per week than 14

most people spent awake. But it was already too late.

15

“It structures your time?” Kate could hear the exasperation in 16

Tara’s voice. “Kate, I’m worried about you. Slavery structured 17

people’s time. I don’t see that as a point in its favor.”

18

“No quarrel here,” Kate said lightly. She really wasn’t in the 19

mood for one of Tara’s tirades. “Look,” she temporized, “I’m not go-20

ing to stay forever.” But the words felt false in her mouth. Almost 21

without exception, junior associates claimed to have no interest in 22

partnership. Everyone planned to move on. After all, Samson as-23

sociates were highly sought after by smaller firms, and only one or 24

two members of a given class had any hope of making partner. But 25

didn’t most associates secretly wonder if they could beat the odds?

26

The conversation had ground to a halt. Kate hurried to fill the 27

gap. “Look, I’m sure it won’t always be this bad,” she said, hearing 28

and hating the defensiveness in her voice. “It’s just that I’m start-29

ing out.” Not true, of course. But maybe it would placate Tara.

30

“Glad to hear it.” Tara’s voice was noncommital. There was a 31

pause as she took another bite and chewed. “Hey, before I forget, I 32

want to tell you about this guy I think you should meet. He’s an ar-33

chitect. Does some sort of work with low-income housing. His 34 sh

name’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

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“Nice name,” Kate said, hoping that her obvious lack of interest 2

would forestall any further discussion. What was it with her friends 3

today? First, Andrea, now Tara. Didn’t they have better things to 4

do than try to find her a mate?

5

“He’s a friend of Tom’s.” Tara said. Tom was Tara’s long-term 6

boyfriend, a computer whiz with an artistic bent. “They met a few 7

months ago when Doug worked on the renovation at Mundo 8

Novo.”

9

Kate briefly wondered, as she had before, about the name Tom 10

and his partners had chosen for their Internet start-up. Mundo 11

Novo sounded more like an eighties dance band than a serious 12

business venture.

13

“Have you met him?”

14

“Yeah. We had dinner with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s cute 15

and smart. I really think that you two might hit it off. At least you 16

would if you gave him a chance.”

17

“If he’s so great, why doesn’t he already have a girlfriend?”

18

“I didn’t ask.”

19

“Well, maybe you should ask.”

20

Tara rolled her eyes. “Kate, you’re being —”

21

“What? What am I being?”

22

Childish. Kate knew the word was childish. But she didn’t care.

23

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

24

Silence. Kate returned to her meal. Much better than she’d ex-25

pected. She dipped a shrimp in tamari sauce and raised it toward 26

her open mouth.

27

“Look, it’s been more than two years since —”

28

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kate snapped. “How many times 29

do I have to say that? It’s my life.” That was the problem with old 30

friends. They knew you too well.

31

Tara was not dissuaded. “So what are you telling me? That 32

you’re never going to date again? That you’re just going to bury 33

yourself alive in that exploitive mausoleum you call a law firm?”

ort 34

“I like my job.”

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“Great. I’m glad that you like your job. That doesn’t mean you 1

can’t also have a life.”

2

“I really just don’t want to talk about it. Besides, I hardly even 3

have time to see you. How would I make time for a boyfriend?”

4

“Fine. It’s your decision. Forget I said anything.”

5

Kate reached over and touched Tara’s arm. “Look, maybe after 6

this new case calms down, I’ll have more time. Maybe I’ll feel dif-7

ferently then.”

8

Tara met her eyes. “Maybe. But you’ve been saying that for a 9

long time.”

10

“I know.”

11

“Kate, I really think that you should consider talking to someone.”

12

“I am talking to someone. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

13

“You know what I mean. A therapist. Someone who can help 14

you move through this. You’re fixated. Everyone goes through rela-15

tionships that don’t work out. Remember that creep Eric? The guy 16

I went out with before Tom? I was crazy about him. But it didn’t 17

work out. That’s how life is. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.

18

And you have to move on.”

19

“What makes you think that this is about Michael?” Kate said.

20

It had been a long time since she’d spoken the name out loud. For 21

a moment, his face floated up in her mind. The disarming quicksil-22

ver smile. The wavy light brown hair, always slightly in need of a 23

trim. They’d met on the first day of law school, assigned to adja-24

cent seats in Contracts, and had been inseparable for the next two 25

years. As well as part of a third. Kate felt a tightening in her chest.

26

“Maybe I’m just focused on my job,” she said defiantly. “What’s 27

wrong with that?”

28

“I’m sure Bill Gates is focused on his job, and he still managed to 29

get married.”

30

“He’s a man. It’s different.” Even to herself, Kate sounded ridicu-31

lous. She tried to recoup. “Look, I went out with Michael for almost 32

three years. Through most of law school. We met on our first day of 33

classes. It’s natural that I’d have a hard time getting over him.”

34 sh

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“Kate, he’s engaged. He’s getting married soon. You told me that 2

yourself.”

3

“Thanks for reminding me.” Kate could hear the bitter edge to 4

her voice. Time, the cushion on which she’d relied to soften the 5

blows of memory, seemed to collapse beneath her.

6

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Tara said. “But I hate to see you suffer 7

like this. I just don’t think you have to suffer so much.”

8

“I’m not suffering. I don’t have time to suffer.”

9

Tara raised her eyes skyward. Kate felt a wave of fatigue. “Look, 10

I’ll think about it, okay? The therapy thing.”

11

“Really?”

12

“Maybe. Can we change the subject now?”

13

Tara sighed. “Be my guest.”

14

w

15

He gazed down at the seated figure. She was smaller than he re-16

membered, her hair swept back in a twist. Her dress, a rich shade 17

of midnight blue, had a square-cut neck and fitted sleeves. She 18

held a glass of red wine. Even as his heart raced with anticipation, 19

he took a moment to appreciate the play of color and form. How 20

the somber hue of the fabric set off the whiteness of her skin. How 21

the garment’s tailored lines only emphasized her body’s curves. An 22

aesthetic of contrasts.

23

“How’ve you been?” he persisted.

24

Slowly, she lowered her glass. The faintest of flushes suffused her 25

face. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me.” Her voice was quiet 26

but firm. “I’m meeting a client here.”

27

Standing beside her in this public space, he felt a rush of power.

28

His entire body — blood, muscle, heart, sinew — seemed to be 29

humming at her nearness. He pulled out a chair and sat down.

30

“Yes. Well. There’s been a — how shall I put this? — change of 31

plans.”

32

She looked at him warily, a latent uneasiness emerging. She had 33

no idea. Still, her instincts were good. She knew that something ort 34

was wrong.

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“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she said, sitting up 1

straight in her chair.

2

“But I don’t want to leave, Madeleine.” As he spoke, he slipped off 3

his coat and placed it across his lap. He waited a moment, relishing 4

her stunned confusion. Then, reaching under his coat, he went on.

5

“Beneath this table, I am holding a loaded gun. A gun with a rather 6

remarkable history. But I digress. The point is this: If you make the 7

slightest move to suggest that everything is not, shall we say, as it 8

should be, I won’t hesitate to shoot. Given our respective posi-9

tions, I’d guess that the bullet would probably strike you some-10

where between the abdomen and lungs. Of course, you might 11

survive. But there’s sure to be a fair bit of damage. All and all, I’d 12

say that it’s quite a gamble.”

13

Her pale skin seemed to grow even paler. But she didn’t say any-14

thing at first. Her brilliant mind, so adept at sorting out logical in-15

consistencies, the weakness in an opponent’s argument, must be 16

rapidly reviewing the alternatives, reviewing and dismissing them 17

at lightning speed. Then, strangely, she smiled. When she spoke 18

her voice was playful.

19

“Look,” she said lightly. “This is some sort of joke, right? Okay, 20

you got me. You really did. Now, why don’t you let me buy you a 21

drink at the bar?”

22

He met her smile with his own. “This isn’t a joke, Madeleine,”

23

he said. “You couldn’t be further from the truth.”

24

Slowly, her smile faded. “Let’s look at this rationally,” she said.

25

“If you —”

26

He was suddenly impatient, impatient and not a little anxious 27

about the steady passage of time. No point in pressing his luck.

28

“It’s time for us to go,” he said abruptly.

29

“For us —?”

30

“You’re coming with me, Madeleine,” he said.

31

She looked at him, incredulous. “You’re crazy. I don’t know 32

what it is you’re after, but you’ll never get away with this.”

33

He laughed out loud. “You may be right,” he said. “Maybe I am 34 sh

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crazy. But, frankly, Madeleine, if I were in your shoes, I don’t think 2

that would reassure me.”

3

“Why are you doing this?” Madeleine whispered. Her green eyes 4

shone. “Why are you doing this to me?”

5

He was pleased to hear the beginnings of fear in her voice, un-6

easiness evolving into something more. “You don’t need to know 7

that, Madeleine,” he said. “Really, there’d be no point. And it 8

would take too long. It’s not really about you, anyway.”

9

Signaling the waitress with his free hand, he kept his gaze 10

pinned firmly on Madeleine’s face. “I’m afraid my companion is 11

feeling sick. If you could bring us the check right away. . . .” With 12

sympathetic sounds, the waitress hurried to comply.

13

He looked at Madeleine intently. “Now listen carefully. There’s 14

not much time. You kept your coat with you. Good. When I get up, 15

you’ll stand up slowly and put it on. You’ll notice that, as I stand, 16

my coat will remain over my arm, concealing my right hand. In 17

that hand, as I think I previously mentioned, I am holding a loaded 18

gun. Keeping that in mind, you will walk, slightly ahead of me, out 19

the door. I’ll leave cash on the table to pay the bill. There’s no rea-20

son to stop up front. Understood?”

21

As they stepped out into the cold, black night, he reached his 22

left arm around Madeleine’s waist; in his right hand, he held the 23

pistol, firmly lodged against her side. Stars glimmered above them 24

in a frosty sky. Their footsteps crunched through a shell of ice.

25

Through the weight of her cashmere coat, he felt Madeleine stiffen 26

at his touch. Streetlights sent off a dusty glow. The area shops were 27

dark. Rounding the corner, he saw the rental car parked at the end 28

of the block. A few more yards, and he was unlocking the door, 29

roughly shoving Madeleine inside.

30

And then, just as he’d planned, there were no witnesses when 31

he firmly pressed a chloroform-soaked cloth over the beautiful, 32

startled face.

33

w

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It was with a sense of relief that Kate quickly hugged Tara good-reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

4 7

the excuse of her Harvard Club date with Justin to short-circuit 1

the discussion of her personal life. After giving the driver direc-2

tions — 27 West 44th between Fifth and Sixth — Kate leaned her 3

head back against the seat and closed her eyes as the cab rocketed 4

through the night, zipping in and out of traffic lanes like a ball in a 5

pinball game.

6

As the cab careened uptown, Kate let her mind wander back to 7

her meal with Tara. Now that she was free from her friend’s prob-8

ing questions, she felt a little guilty. She’d call Tara first thing to-9

morrow, apologize for being a jerk.

10

“Miss?”

11

The cab had come to a stop next to the club’s crimson canopy.

12

Kate fumbled in her purse for the fare and then scrambled onto the 13

sidewalk. It had started to rain, an icy drizzle. Kate hurried through 14

the door.

15

Once inside, Kate could feel herself relax. She smiled at the 16

doorman before heading straight for the crackling fire, where she 17

held out her hands to warm them.

18

Kate knew that her fondness for the Harvard Club was slightly 19

perverse. With its fusty Old World demeanor, the club was almost 20

a parody of itself. But that was part of what she liked about it: the 21

pervasive if unconscious self-irony. Trophy animals gazed down 22

from the walls, remnants of big-game hunts. Kate had a particular 23

fondness for the green-tinged elephant, with its enormous ex-24

tended trunk. (“Looks just like the elephant king Cornelius did af-25

ter he ate the poisoned mushrooms,” Kate had once observed, 26

referring to a picture in the Babar book she’d loved as a child.) 27

Some months back, one of the ancient specimens had crashed to 28

the floor — the head of a wild boar or something equally prepos-29

terous. Kate had almost wished that someone had been hit if only 30

to see what the tabloids did with the story. She’d come up with a 31

few headlines herself: Dead Head Strikes Talking Head. Head of the 32

Beast Kills Head of the Class. Taxidermy Kills Tax Attorney. The pos-33

sibilities were endless.

34 sh

Kate glanced at her watch. Almost nine-thirty. She was right on 35 re

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time. Pulling off her coat, Kate sank into a chair to wait for Justin’s 2

arrival. Her eyes wandered around the room. The club was a sea of 3

crimson — crimson carpets and crimson walls — punctuated by 4

portraits of old white men. Lately, there’d been some progress on 5

the gender front, with money raised to bring in more pictures of 6

women. Until the recent push, there’d been only two, the black 7

contralto Marian Anderson — might as well get two minorities for 8

the price of one — and Helen Keller — a role model, to be sure, 9

but was it mere coincidence that the club had selected a female 10

icon who was blind, deaf, and mute?

11

Kate was skimming the headlines of the Wall Street Journal when 12

Justin bounded into sight.

13

“Am I late?” he said, sounding slightly out of breath. “I got tied 14

up with some last-minute document work.”

15

“Just on time,” Kate assured him. “I was on the early side.” She 16

felt a glow of pleasure in his company. Justin wasn’t just a close 17

friend; he was also a touchstone, a reminder of how far she’d come.

18

Again, she thought about that last year of school. It had been Justin 19

who pulled her through. Not only had he given her a shoulder to 20

cry on; he’d also offered advice. “Don’t let a guy — any guy —

21

screw up your life,” he’d said. “Make this work for you. After you 22

spend a couple of years at Samson & Mills, you’ll be able to write 23

your own ticket. You may not think that matters now, but you will 24

later. Besides, what have you got to lose?” And he’d been right.

25

As Justin leaned down to kiss her on the cheek, Kate felt her 26

face grow warm. Sounds like he’d make a great husband. Andrea’s 27

lunchtime pronouncement. Luckily, Justin didn’t notice.

28

“Shall we dump our coats?” He was already heading toward the 29

cloakroom.

30

“Sure.” Following Justin down a narrow corridor, Kate saw that 31

his hair was damp. He must have stopped by the gym. Crazy as 32

things got at Samson, Justin never seemed to miss a day. Some-33

thing she couldn’t say for herself. Kate tried to remember the last ort 34

time she’d taken advantage of her firm-subsidized membership in reg 35

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4 9

the Mercury Athletic Club. Mercury was one of the city’s pricier 1

and more exclusive gyms. It was ridiculous not to avail herself of 2

this perk. She’d definitely make it over this week. Really.

3

The Grill Room was a sea of overstuffed leather sofas, chairs, 4

and tables populated by the usual mix of old and young Harvard 5

types. A table of four elderly men in suits, white-haired and distin-6

guished, huddled over a vigorous game of backgammon with the 7

same high seriousness that they must have once accorded their 8

business deals. Several professional couples dined à deux. A cluster 9

of twenty-something guys with slicked-back hair were trading 10

jokes over drinks. They reminded Kate of puppies, high-spirited 11

and not quite housebroken. The mood was quiet and restrained, 12

with the club’s strictly enforced “Gentlemen’s Rules” barring any 13

display of cash or business papers. Payment was discreetly effected 14

by way of a member’s signature.

15

“How about over there?” Kate gestured to a corner table to the 16

right of the entrance. She wanted to be assured of privacy.

17

After settling in at their table and ordering drinks — white 18

wine for Kate, vodka and tonic for Justin — Justin turned to Kate.

19

“So how was the cruise?” he asked.

20

“Terrific,” said Kate. “Great.” It wasn’t quite the truth. While 21

the weather had been beautiful, balmy and hot, she’d counted the 22

hours till her return. What was so great about having time on your 23

hands? Better to be busy and productive.

24

“You were by yourself?”

25

“I wouldn’t put it that way.” Kate could tell she sounded defen-26

sive, the residue from her dinner with Tara. “There were ten of us 27

on the boat. I shared a cabin with another woman. A French trans-28

lator. I had plenty of company.”

29

She quickly changed the subject. “So how about you? How were 30

the holidays?”

31

Justin rolled his eyes. “The usual pandemonium at home. But 32

good. Delia’s already planning for college, can you believe it? Only 33

thirteen and she’s got her heart set on Brown.”

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“I love your family.” Kate had met Justin’s parents and younger 2

sister the week of their law school graduation. Justin’s father was a 3

history professor; his mother, a child psychologist. Kate, who had 4

toyed with the idea of majoring in psych before settling on English 5

lit, was fascinated by Sarah Daniels’s stories about the children she 6

counseled in southeast Washington D.C. “What’s your mom up to 7

these days?”

8

“Busy as usual. She just finished this book about adoption she’s 9

been writing for about a hundred years. So she’s a little burned out.

10

But happy.”

11

“That’s so cool. When will it be out?”

12

“Hmm, let’s see. We’re talking about an academic press here.

13

Probably in about 2010.”

14

Kate laughed. “You know, I really admire your mother. But I’d 15

never have the patience for that sort of thing. What I like about 16

law is, you write a brief and then, boom, you either win or lose. I 17

mean it’s not immediate, but you don’t have to wait forever.”

18

“Ah yes,” Justin mused. “Yet another reason to love the law.”

19

“Speaking of the law, what happened at S&M while I was 20

gone?”

21

“It’s been pretty slow. I’ve been more or less full time on the 22

Haber-Tech antitrust case. The document production has been a 23

nightmare. Last week I came in on Monday morning and didn’t 24

leave until eight o’clock Wednesday night. It got to be sort of sur-25

real. The sun goes up. The sun goes down. The sun goes up. The 26

sun goes down. The only sleep I got was a half hour Tuesday night, 27

hidden under my desk. It’s the only way to get those goddamn 28

lights to go out. The least little flutter of detectible movement, and 29

on they go.”

30

Kate laughed. “You want to hear something funny?” she said.

31

“When I first started work at Samson, I assumed that the lights 32

went on when you entered your office because the lighting mecha-33

nism somehow sensed the weight of your body on the floor.”

ort 34

Justin hooted. “Now let me get this straight. The floors were pre-reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

5 1

cisely calibrated to reflect the weight of all the furniture, books, and 1

other stuff in the office and could somehow figure out just when a 2

certain hundred-and-ten-pound associate crossed the threshold?”

3

“I didn’t exactly think it through, ” Kate said. “Anyway, sorry 4

you’ve been stuck at work so much.”

5

Justin shrugged, his shoulders moving easily beneath his dark 6

suit jacket. “Hey, I’ve got no complaints. You want to work at a top 7

firm, you’ve got to put in the hours.”

8

He sipped his vodka and tonic. “So what’s new with the Thorpe 9

case?”

10

“I’m just putting together a research memo,” Kate said. “Sexual 11

harassment law is still so murky. You’ve got to be really careful.

12

Cases decided last year are totally out of date. There is one thing I 13

wanted to ask you, though —”

14

“Hold that thought,” Justin said. “I’ve got to get something to 15

eat.” He gestured to the adjacent bar where a snack table was al-16

ways set up. “Want something? Some chips?”

17

“No thanks,” Kate said. “I’m still full from dinner.”

18

“Back in a second.”

19

Kate watched Justin cross the room. She had to admit that An-20

drea had a point. Guys like Justin didn’t come along every day. And 21

beyond that, she’d be hard-pressed to find someone more compat-22

ible. They shared the same values, liked the same books and 23

movies, laughed at the same jokes. They also shared a history, not 24

just the law school years but Samson & Mills as well. Still, she’d 25

meant what she said at lunch. Justin was almost like a brother, the 26

brother she’d never had. He’d seen her at her worst, red-eyed and 27

tearful, lethargic and morose. He’d brought her food and maga-28

zines when she didn’t want to leave her apartment and listened to 29

her endless disquisitions on Michael’s betrayal. Even if she were in 30

the market for a boyfriend, she just couldn’t picture Justin in that 31

role. Didn’t romance require an element of mystery?

32

And then Justin was back, balancing a plate heaped with chips, 33

pretzels, and other snacks.

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“Are you really going to eat all that?” Kate asked.

2

“No time for dinner,” Justin said. He picked up a Ritz cracker, 3

piled high with processed cheese spread, and stared at it apprais-4

ingly. “I really don’t get the food here. Some of the other school 5

clubs have really good spreads — fruit, water biscuits, Brie. This 6

stuff looks like it was recycled from a fifties dorm party.”

7

“Well, this is the Harvard Club,” Kate said, taking a potato chip 8

from Justin’s plate. “Maybe it’s a bow to tradition.”

9

Justin raised a skeptical eyebrow. “The tradition of Cheez Whiz? ”

10

he asked.

11

Kate shrugged. “Hey, are you up for a game of chess?”

12

“Why not?”

13

Kate reached back behind her chair, where a velvet curtain con-14

cealed a set of built-in shelves. From the bottom shelf, she pulled 15

out a plastic box of chess pieces.

16

“Black?” she asked, snapping off the lid to the box.

17

“Of course.”

18

Justin pushed his plate to the table’s corner so they could set up 19

their pieces on the inlaid chessboard.

20

Playing chess at the Harvard Club was one of Kate’s favorite 21

ways to spend an evening. It was Justin who’d first suggested it dur-22

ing one of their early visits. At first, Kate demurred; she hadn’t 23

played since junior high. But after Justin persuaded her to try, she’d 24

been surprised at how quickly the moves came back.

25

Justin had already made off with both of Kate’s knights and one 26

of her rooks by the time she remembered what she’d meant to ask.

27

“You’ve worked with Madeleine Waters, right?”

28

“Huh?” Justin was giving the chessboard his full attention.

29

“Madeleine Waters. Haven’t you worked with her?”

30

“Sure,” Justin didn’t look up. “On the Titan Pharmaceuticals ar-31

bitration. Right after I started at the firm. It was Martin Drescher’s 32

case. She was the junior partner.”

33

“Drescher,” Kate said. She rolled her eyes.

ort 34

Justin moved a pawn one square forward and looked up.

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5 3

“He’s not so bad. The way I look at it, it’s the same thing with 1

any partner. You just have to know how to handle them.”

2

Incredible. That made two associates leaping to Drescher’s de-3

fense. Andrea at lunch and now Justin. Were they drugging Sam-4

son’s water supply, creating Stepford associates along with billable 5

hours? But, brushing these thoughts aside, she forced herself to stay 6

on track. “So, what did you think of Madeleine?”

7

“You know all the history, right? The whole blow-up over her 8

partnership election?”

9

“Well . . . , I know the part about Carter Mills. That he was 10

Madeleine’s mentor. And that they had some sort of falling out.”

11

“Right. But there’s a lot more to it than that.”

12

“Like what?”

13

Justin laughed. “Geez, Kate, where have you been?”

14

“At my desk,” Kate said. “Working. That’s why I keep you 15

around. To be sure I stay informed.”

16

“I’m hurt. And here I thought you loved me for myself. For 17

my —”

18

“Come on, Justin. Just tell me what happened.”

19

“Okay, okay. Sometime in the late eighties — after Mills beat 20

out Drescher for managing partner — Drescher and his crowd 21

started accusing Mills of taking advantage of his position. Mainly, 22

Drescher was furious about WideWorld Media. When the Wide-23

World business first started coming in, Drescher and Mills worked 24

on it together. But as time went on, more and more of it went di-25

rectly to Mills. While he’s never been able to prove it, Drescher’s 26

always believed that Mills edged him out.”

27

Justin rattled off the history as if he were reading from a report.

28

“How do you know all this stuff?” Kate asked. “I mean, I knew 29

about the basic conflict, but how do you know all those details?”

30

Justin grinned. “Just a little hobby of mine. I keep my ears 31

open.”

32

“I have to admit, I’m impressed. But what does this have to do 33

with Madeleine?”

34 sh

35 re

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Justin twirled the remains of his drink. “It was Madeleine’s part-2

nership election that brought things to a head. Everyone thought 3

the dispute between Mills and Drescher had been pretty much 4

smoothed over. But when Madeleine came up for partner, it blew 5

wide open again. Drescher — who hates Mills — saw this as the 6

perfect opportunity to screw him. Madeleine was Mills’s protégé.

7

He brought her to the firm and trained her. It would have been a 8

huge humiliation for him if she hadn’t made partner. So a rumor 9

starts going around that Madeleine isn’t really such a great lawyer.

10

That she’s only up for partner because she’s fucking Mills. Drescher 11

tried to keep his fingerprints off, but it was pretty clear that he was 12

the source.”

13

“D’you think they really had an affair? Madeleine and Carter, I 14

mean.”

15

“Sure. Probably. Have you seen that wife of his? She looks like a 16

Valium addict.”

17

Kate thought of Diane Mills, whom she’d seen at several firm 18

functions. She was a pretty but fragile blond who always seemed 19

slightly frightened. Had she always been that way? Or had it come 20

with the passing years? Had Diane Mills known about Madeleine?

21

Madeleine Waters. That’s who she wanted to talk about now.

22

“What about the other stuff?” Kate asked. “Is it true that 23

Madeleine only made partner because of her relationship with 24

Mills?”

25

“Hard to say.”

26

“What do you mean?”

27

“The thing about Madeleine is that she had almost no trial ex-28

perience. She was Mills’s senior associate on the United Telephone 29

case. Everyone says she did a great job. She organized document 30

productions all over the country, coordinated with local counsel 31

on all the state cases. But in the end the case settled.”

32

“Well, that’s not her fault.” Kate felt defensive, as if she and not 33

Madeleine had been called to account.

ort 34

“Of course it isn’t. At the same time, it means that she was reg 35

never really tried under fire. So everyone agrees she’s a great facil-9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 55

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

5 5

itator, great at organizing things. But that’s hardly the same thing 1

as going to trial. I mean, a lot of people would say that someone 2

who pays that kind of attention to detail is probably not going to 3

be so good at the big picture.”

4

“But that’s ridiculous. I mean, it’s like she’s being penalized for 5

doing well. If she’d screwed up, she wouldn’t have had a shot at be-6

ing partner. They would have said that if she can’t even handle 7

pretrial work, she’d never be able to function at trial. But when she 8

does a good job, they turn that against her, too. It’s like she 9

couldn’t win.”

10

Justin shrugged. “I’m not saying that I agree. I’m just repeating 11

what I’ve heard. Hey, why are you so upset?”

12

Kate looked down at her hands. “I’m not upset. It’s just . . . I 13

don’t know. It just doesn’t seem fair.”

14

“Life isn’t fair. You know that.”

15

“Well, I don’t have to like it.”

16

Justin’s eyes moved back to the chessboard. “Uh, Kate, are you 17

going to make a move or what?”

18

“Oh. Yeah.” Kate looked back at the game. After a few seconds, 19

she moved her remaining rook across the board.

20

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

21

“Why?”

22

“Because then I’ll be able to take your queen.”

23

“Oh.” Kate moved the rook back to its previous position and re-24

considered the board. “It’d be good if this bishop were a knight,”

25

she said. “Then I could take your queen.”

26

“You’re right,” Justin said. “But you don’t have any knights.

27

They’re all gone.”

28

“And whose fault is that?” After briefly surveying her options, 29

Kate moved a pawn. “So what happened with the partnership 30

vote?”

31

“The partnership vote? Oh, you mean, about Madeleine. Let’s 32

see . . . this big piece came out in American Law. Of course, 33

Drescher planted it, but it totally backfired. Madeleine ended up 34 sh

being the centerpiece. The angle was something like ‘brilliant, 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

beautiful woman sabotaged by evil patriarchy.’ Made it look like 2

the old boys’ network was alive and kicking at Samson & Mills.

3

Really bad PR. Carter grabbed the opportunity. Convinced the 4

middle-of-the-road-guys — McCarty, Stroesser, some others —

5

that Drescher was out of control. Basically forced Drescher’s camp 6

to fold. And Madeleine was elected partner.”

7

Kate was getting confused. “So given all that history, why’s 8

Madeleine been working with Drescher?”

9

“Now that I don’t know.” Justin eyed her across the table. “Why 10

are you so interested in Madeleine anyway?”

11

“Didn’t I tell you? She’s going to be working on the Thorpe 12

case.”

13

Now it was Justin’s turn to be surprised. He stopped with his 14

hand in midair, a pretzel still clutched in his outstretched fingers.

15

“You’ve got to be kidding,” he said.

16

“No, really. I thought I told you. Anyway, she was at this meet-17

ing yesterday in Carter’s office. He said that Madeleine would be 18

overseeing the day-to-day stuff.”

19

Justin whistled softly. “I’d sure like to know the story behind that 20

little arrangement.”

21

“Me too.” She’d hoped that Justin would have some answers.

22

But apparently there were limits even to his encyclopedic knowl-23

edge of firm politics. They went back to the game. As the minutes 24

ticked by, Kate realized she was growing tired.

25

“Checkmate.” Justin grinned across the table.

26

“Hmmm.” Kate stared at the board. “If this bishop were a rook, 27

then I’d be home free.”

28

“But it’s not a rook. I have both rooks right here.” Justin ges-29

tured to a cluster of white pieces.

30

“You’re gloating,” Kate said. “I hate it when you gloat. Fine. Go 31

ahead and take my king.”

32

“You don’t take someone’s king, Kate. Once it’s checkmate 33

you —”

ort 34

“Whatever,” said Kate.

reg 35

Justin smiled.

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5 7

“I don’t know why you’re so pleased with yourself tonight,” Kate 1

said. “You always win. It’s not any big surprise.”

2

“Come on, Kate. I’m a junior associate at Samson & Mills. How 3

many pleasures do I have left in life?”

4

“How about the pleasure of my company?”

5

The words hung in the air, sounding less flip than she’d in-6

tended. She was annoyed to find herself blushing again. What was 7

going on? After all, it was just Justin. They’d spent dozens of 8

evenings together over the years. It was all Andrea’s fault, Andrea 9

and her stupid matchmaking ideas. Before Justin could respond, 10

Kate moved on.

11

“I hate to be a slug, but I’m still exhausted from traveling,” she 12

said, careful to keep her voice neutral. “Do you mind if we call it a 13

night?”

14

“Sure. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow anyway.” Justin took a final 15

gulp of his drink and pushed back his chair. Kate followed suit, 16

smoothing down her skirt as she stood up. Her feet were sore. She 17

should have worn running shoes for that cross-town walk to meet 18

Tara, but she never could get used to how they looked with a suit.

19

That crazed yuppie race-walker thing.

20

“Hey, Justin, do you have a copy of that article you were talking 21

about? The American Law piece?”

22

“Probably. Do you want me to try to dig it up?”

23

“Yeah, I’d sort of like to see it.”

24

“No problem. I’m sure I’ve got it somewhere.”

25

Together, they headed to the cloakroom and then out to the 26

street. It was getting colder. Midtown was closing down. Across 27

the street, Kate saw an entwined couple emerge from the Royalton 28

Hotel and slip into a waiting car. A wave of sadness passed through 29

her. Or maybe it was just fatigue.

30

“Let’s get you a cab,” Justin said.

31

Kate could smell the wool of Justin’s coat, still damp from the 32

early-evening sleet. It reminded her of something, some ancient 33

memory that she couldn’t quite place. For a moment, she wanted 34 sh

to bury her face in its roughness. Then she took hold of herself.

35 re

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“Thanks. But I’m okay. I mean, I can get a cab myself.”

2

Justin gave her a quizzical look. “Of course you can.” But he was 3

already flagging one down. It screeched to a stop by the curb.

4

“Well, thanks,” Kate said. As she leaned forward to give Justin a 5

peck on the cheek, she breathed in a musky scent, aftershave min-6

gled with wool. Justin placed a hand on her shoulder. The familiar 7

smells seemed to pull her toward him. For a moment, she was 8

tempted to relax in his arms, just like in the old days, when he’d 9

lent her a shoulder to cry on. But instead she quickly pulled away.

10

“ ’Night,” she said, stepping into the cab. “That was fun.”

11

Justin pushed the door closed behind her. “See you tomorrow,”

12

he said.

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

reg 35

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Wednesday, January 6

1

2

A cold bright morning. Carter Mills leaned back in his chair and 3

gazed out at the sparkling city. Everything seemed possible today.

4

As usual, he’d arisen at six-thirty. After half an hour of calisthen-5

ics, he’d showered before retiring to the breakfast room, where 6

Molly, the latest in a string of maids, served him his standard 7

breakfast of raisin bran, coffee, and fresh orange juice. Diane was 8

probably still sleeping. She rarely came downstairs until he’d left 9

for the day. After reading the Wall Street Journal and skimming the 10

Times, he’d gone to his study for an hour. He’d left home promptly 11

at nine in his Mercedes S500, late enough to miss the morning 12

rush hour. The drive from Greenwich to midtown had taken just 13

forty-five minutes.

14

Glancing at the grandfather clock by the door, he saw that it 15

was almost ten-thirty. Still plenty of time to prepare for this after-16

noon’s meeting. Sipping his customary water and lemon, his eyes 17 sh

lingered on the clock’s carved case. How his father would hate to 18 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

find this heirloom installed at Samson & Mills. Which, of course, 2

was why he’d brought it here. An exorcism of sorts. And yet it 3

hadn’t worked out that way. More than five years later, the clock 4

was still redolent of his childhood in Boston, of those dreaded Sun-5

day meetings in his father’s study. It seemed to stand apart from the 6

rest of the room, taking its measure, judging.

7

Just as his father had.

8

Again, Carter stared out the window. It was a long time since 9

he’d thought about his childhood, those endless weekly talks. He’d 10

been eight or so when the meetings began, small enough that he’d 11

needed to place his feet on a stack of books to keep his legs from 12

swinging. The movement annoyed his father. From his perch on a 13

hard wood chair, he’d listen to his father’s words. I’m proud of you, 14

son. But remember, each day is a new beginning. Never rest on your 15

laurels.

16

As a child, Carter had feared his father. As an adult, he’d come 17

to scorn him. A complicated scorn, it was true, never entirely free 18

of trepidation. Still, the contempt was there. Who was his father, 19

after all? A historian. A scholar. A collector of Americana. Some-20

one who’d spent his life comfortably wrapped in family wealth, 21

with little to show for his years on earth but a couple of history 22

books. Some years back, Carter had picked up an autobiography of 23

Clarence Darrow. Flipping through the opening pages, a single 24

phrase had caught his eye. “For my part, I seldom think about my 25

ancestors; but I had them; plenty of them, of course. In fact, I could 26

fill this book with their names if I knew them all, and deemed it of 27

the least worth.”

28

And deemed it of the least worth.

29

The words had stayed in his mind. He’d been enchanted by the 30

tossed-off line, a cavalier dismissal of everything his father lived 31

for.

32

It was now more than five years since James Mills’s death. How 33

he’d struggled to come up with a eulogy, a fitting farewell to this ort 34

trivial man. It had been an arduous task. He’d been hard-pressed to reg 35

fill the time. After all, his father had prided himself on never 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 61

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

6 1

standing out, on never being the first. He liked to tell his children 1

how their forebears hadn’t rushed to this country on the 2

Mayflower. Instead, they’d waited for reports to filter back. When 3

they finally set sail some ten years later, the risks and rewards had 4

been carefully weighed.

5

And even then, listening to the story from his father’s lips, 6

Carter Mills had thought to himself, What a fool.

7

He’d always known that it was better to be first.

8

And where better to be first than Manhattan? Even as a child, 9

he’d been drawn to the city. To the noise, the competition, the 10

scent of money. His own inheritance, while useful in its way, had 11

nothing to do with his plans. He saw it as a simple convenience.

12

Like being dealt a good hand at cards.

13

It was during his second year at Harvard Law that Carter had made 14

the break, informing his father that he’d spend the summer at the 15

law firm founded by Grandpa Si, as Silas Mills was known. James 16

Mills had been nonplussed. He’d fled that world without looking 17

back. The decision, Carter thought, had been a master stroke, 18

playing off his father’s reverence for family against his hatred for 19

New York City. In the end, he’d given his blessing, as Carter had 20

known that he would. For all his seeming reverence for tradition, 21

James Mills was as mesmerized by money as the rest of them. The 22

hypocrisy was astounding. Yet another reason to hate his father.

23

But all that was in the distant past. It was time to get down to 24

work. Turning away from the window, Carter picked up a Mont 25

Blanc pen.

26

First on the agenda was Bill McCarty. Carter paused for a mo-27

ment, recalling McCarty’s accusations during that astonishing en-28

counter on Monday. McCarty, the dogged workhorse, always docile, 29

always compliant. Who would have thought he had it in him? But 30

the reflection was only fleeting. After all, McCarty didn’t really in-31

terest him. The only thing that mattered was the source of his 32

information.

33

Carter sat still for several moments, waiting for the answer to 34 sh

come clear. As he knew that it ultimately would. His mind was re-35 re

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6 2

A M Y G U T M A N

1

liable that way, moving with the same smooth precision as his car.

2

It was a sensitive issue, with no room for error. After considering 3

several options, he finally settled on a plan. He’d start by con-4

fronting Martin Drescher. One-on-one and as soon as possible. A 5

first step toward setting things straight. His mind made up, Mills 6

jotted a note and moved on.

7

Next on the list: this afternoon’s meeting with Holden and 8

Thorpe. A much more enticing prospect. Already, he could feel 9

the adrenaline high, the intimation of a battle to come. He loved 10

that feeling, the sense of impending conflict. A conflict he was des-11

tined to win. Not simply because he was right — a relative term, 12

after all — but because he was the best player. Litigation was a 13

sport. And he was one of its champions.

14

Yes, everything was shaping up beautifully. He’d been worried 15

about Madeleine, annoyed that Chuck Thorpe had insisted on her 16

involvement. But he’d taken care of that now. So why this subtle 17

pressure, something pushing at the back of his mind? It was so faint 18

that he might have ignored it. But that would have been a mistake.

19

His instincts were one of the reasons for his success. Over the 20

years, he’d learned to listen.

21

So what was it? What issue was demanding attention? The ques-22

tion tossed in his mind. And then the answer emerged.

23

Kate Paine.

24

Madeleine’s scornful words seemed to echo in his mind.

25

That associate. Kate. Kate Paine. You hired her, didn’t you?

26

Are you wondering how I knew? Just look at her.

27

Mills frowned. He could still see Madeleine’s face, that damned 28

smile pasted on her mouth. He had no idea what she’d meant. Not 29

that he’d let on at the time.

30

But now he wanted to know. He tried to picture Kate Paine. Dark 31

hair. Fashionable attire. Pretty. But the image wouldn’t come clear.

32

Just look at her.

33

What had Madeleine seen when she looked at the younger ort 34

woman? Mills tapped his pen on the desk, his exasperation rapidly reg 35

building. He didn’t have a clue. Well, to hell with Madeleine.

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6 3

What could it really matter? Besides, whatever she’d been think-1

ing, she was wrong. He’d requested Kate Paine for this case for the 2

obvious reasons. Because it involved claims of sexual harassment.

3

And, quite simply, he’d needed a woman. Prospective female wit-4

nesses needed to see a woman on the team. A tacit reassurance 5

that they were not alone, that they were not betraying their sisters.

6

And the selection of Kate Paine herself, why that, too, was easy 7

to explain. He’d interviewed her on campus at Harvard, been 8

struck by her energy and drive. It was only natural that he’d cho-9

sen to work with her. It all made perfect sense.

10

It all made perfect sense.

11

So what had Madeleine been getting at?

12

w

13

Chuck Thorpe slammed his hand against the conference table.

14

“Goddamn it,” he said. “What the hell’s going on? Don’t we pay 15

this law firm enough that she can at least manage to show up? First 16

she stands me up for dinner, and now she can’t even make it to a 17

business meeting.”

18

“Now, Chuck.” Jed Holden placed a restraining hand on the 19

younger man’s arm. “I’m sure there’s some good reason.” He looked 20

questioningly at Carter Mills.

21

“Let’s give her five more minutes,” Mills said calmly. His gray-22

blue eyes moved from Holden to Thorpe and back again. “This 23

isn’t like Madeleine at all. There must be some good explanation.”

24

Kate looked at her watch. It was twenty minutes after one, and 25

repeated calls to Madeleine’s office had failed to elicit a response.

26

Kate herself had placed a call ten minutes ago to be sure there 27

wasn’t a mix-up. Madeleine’s secretary had assured her that the 28

meeting was on her boss’s schedule. “We talked about it right be-29

fore she left for dinner last night,” Carmen Rodriguez said.

30

An undercurrent of tension filled the room. Lowering her gaze 31

to the yellow legal pad in front of her, Kate pretended to flip 32

through notes as she furtively studied the scene. They were six al-33

together. She and Peyton were seated on Carter Mills’s left. With 34 sh

his finely tuned sense of protocol, Peyton had left vacant the seat 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

immediately next to Mills, allowing for the Samson team to be 2

seated in descending order of seniority. As senior associate on the 3

case, he’d be seated next to Madeline, assuming she ever arrived, 4

with Kate bringing up the tail.

5

Across the table was the WideWorld contingent. The all-6

powerful Jed Holden, WideWorld’s CEO, sat directly to Mills’s 7

right. On Holden’s right was Chuck Thorpe, a thick fireplug of a 8

man with powerfully developed upper arms. Completing the party 9

was Richard Epstein, a thin, dark figure who was WideWorld’s top 10

in-house lawyer.

11

Kate had been stunned by her first sight of Jed Holden. For all 12

his vast power, WideWorld’s chief executive was nondescript. He 13

was slightly built, with jutting ears, pale skin, and wispy light 14

brown hair. Only his piercing gray eyes gave some hint at the un-15

derlying strength of will that must have driven his career.

16

Thorpe, on the other hand, was almost exactly what she’d ex-17

pected. The heavy body, the perpetual sneer that lingered at the 18

corners of his mouth — all this conformed to what she’d seen on 19

TV. He reminded her of a Jack Russell terrier, one of those quiver-20

ing, densely packed dogs that weighed far more than you’d imag-21

ine. It was his eyes that seemed out of place. They gave the 22

impression of dead things, empty of all expression. Kate couldn’t 23

be sure of their color. They seemed almost translucent, devoid of 24

any color at all.

25

With a start, Kate realized that Thorpe knew she’d been watch-26

ing him. Briefly, their eyes met, and Kate saw his mouth stretch 27

wider. She quickly looked back at her notepad. Her face was hot.

28

Then Thorpe was speaking again, irritation suffusing his voice.

29

“So let’s get on with things. We can’t just sit here all day.”

30

Kate saw a flicker of displeasure cross Carter Mills’s face. She 31

was somehow reassured by the sight. Mills, she felt sure, did not 32

like Chuck Thorpe.

33

“Fine,” said Mills. “Let’s start with the facts.”

ort 34

“The facts, ” Thorpe exploded. “Who the hell cares about the reg 35

facts? The media is out to crucify me.”

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

6 5

Mills looked down the table at Thorpe. “Chuck, I know where 1

you’re coming from. Believe me, we’re with you one hundred per-2

cent. But I’m going to need to ask you some questions.”

3

Mills’s voice was gentle, soothing. He might have been speaking 4

to a lover. Kate found herself admiring his diplomacy, his capacity 5

to focus on the problem at hand. Michael had been like that, too, 6

possessed of a scientist’s capacity for abstraction. She stopped her-7

self short, annoyed at the turn her thoughts had taken.

8

When Thorpe didn’t answer, Mills went on.

9

“First of all, I’d like to ask you about the plaintiff — Stephanie 10

Friedman.” Mills’s voice carried a hint of apology for the imposi-11

tion. “I’ve got some of the basic information from Mr. Epstein here, 12

but I’d like to get your perspective.”

13

Thorpe exhaled audibly. “Whatever. Okay. What do you want 14

to know?”

15

“I understand that Friedman was your secretary?” Kate was 16

struck by Mills’s offhand use of Stephanie Friedman’s last name.

17

It seemed to depersonalize her. Which, she supposed, was the 18

idea. Stephanie Friedman was no longer just a former employee.

19

Having threatened to file a complaint, she’d become the opposing 20

party. As such, she’d given up all claims to sympathy, let alone re-21

spect.

22

“Yup. My assistant.”

23

“How long did she work for you?”

24

“About five years.”

25

“And she resigned ten months ago?”

26

“Yeah.”

27

“Any contact with her since then?”

28

“Nope.”

29

“Good. What sort of work did she do?”

30

“She did, you know, what assistants do. Typing, filing, phones.

31

That sort of thing.”

32

“Attractive?”

33

Thorpe snorted. “She thinks so.”

34 sh

“She claims” — Mills scanned his notes — “that you regularly 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

demanded that she discuss her sex life with you, and that you re-2

counted your own . . . assignations.”

3

“Assignations. Christ. What century is this? Look, Mr. Mills, I’m 4

sure you’re a very fine lawyer, but you don’t have the slightest idea 5

how to run my magazine. Did I ask Stephanie who she was fucking?

6

Sure I did. Did I ask her what he did to her? What got her excited?

7

Sure. And did that turn me on? Absolutely.

8

“But you know why I asked those questions, Mr. Mills? Because 9

that’s the sort of magazine I run. It’s a sex magazine, Mr. Mills, in 10

case you haven’t noticed. Sure we write about politics, culture, all 11

that shit — just because a guy likes to look at tits doesn’t mean he’s 12

stupid. But the bottom line is sex. I go to my staff for ideas.

13

Stephanie knew what she was getting into when she took the job.

14

What’d she expect, Good Housekeeping? ”

15

Kate struggled to keep her mind focused on the facts, to separate 16

her visceral reaction to Chuck Thorpe from the argument he was 17

making.

18

Mills smiled. If he shared Kate’s distaste, it didn’t show. “This is 19

actually quite helpful, Chuck — and please, call me Carter. You 20

see, without focusing too much on the law at this point, it’s signif-21

icant that she didn’t complain. To prevail in this suit, she’d have to 22

convince a jury that your conduct was unwelcome. But from what 23

you’re telling me, she never told you — or anyone else you know 24

of — that she had a problem with it.”

25

“A problem? Stephanie? Don’t make me laugh. She’d have had a 26

better chance of offending me than I would have of offending her.

27

Compared to Stephanie, I’m a puritan.”

28

“So she had an active sex life?”

29

“You could say that.”

30

“Do you remember any names?”

31

“Some guy named Bob, I think. She talked about him a lot.

32

That’s really all I remember specifically.” There was a tray of past-33

ries in the middle of the conference table. Thorpe reached for a ort 34

tiny cheese Danish and tossed it into his mouth.

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

6 7

said. “Also — and I’m sure that Richard has gone over this with 1

you — don’t speak to anyone about this case. Anyone you talk to 2

could become a witness.”

3

“Got it.”

4

Kate noted that Richard Epstein wasn’t saying much. Relations 5

between Samson and in-house attorneys could get thorny at times, 6

with the corporate guys — they were almost always guys — resent-7

ing what they perceived as Samson’s high-handedness in managing 8

farmed-out cases. Often, the in-house lawyers seemed to see Sam-9

son’s involvement as an implicit rebuke, an implication that they 10

were not capable of handling complex legal matters on their own.

11

But having dealt with Samson for over a decade, Epstein must 12

have made his peace with the arrangement.

13

“Friedman claims that you required her to have sexual relations 14

with Ron Fogarty as a condition to keeping her job,” Carter Mills 15

continued. “I understand that Fogarty’s a friend of yours?”

16

“That’s bullshit,” Thorpe said, spitting out the words. “I could 17

hardly keep Stephanie away from Ron. It got to be embarrassing.

18

She was all over the guy every time he came to my office. I said, 19

‘Stephanie, enough’s enough. He knows you’re interested. We all 20

know you’re interested. Now you gotta be cool. Let events take 21

their course.’ You ask me, that’s probably why Stephanie’s pulling 22

this shit. To get back at Ron.”

23

Kate tried to suppress her growing aversion, to listen without 24

making judgments. She glanced sidewise at Peyton, whose eyes 25

were on Thorpe, a sympathetic smile affixed to his mouth. No sign 26

of inner conflict there. That’s how she wanted to be. That’s how 27

she would be, purely focused and objective.

28

“I assume that Fogarty will back this up?” Carter Mills said.

29

“That he rejected Friedman’s advances?”

30

“Absolutely.”

31

Carter Mills again referred to his notes. “Moving on, Friedman 32

claims that you required her to wear sexually provocative outfits, 33

and that you made sexually explicit comments about her appear-34 sh

ance.”

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“I didn’t force Stephanie to dress the way she dressed. That’s just 2

how she came to work. Hell, she would’ve had a problem if I’d 3

made her dress like a normal secretary. I might have told her that 4

she looked good or something. I really don’t remember. Except I 5

know that I didn’t say what she says I said. She’s flattering herself.”

6

“Fine,” Mills said. “The next allegations have to do with physi-7

cal contact. She claims that you fondled her, kissed her.”

8

“Hey, Stephie and I were friends, at least I thought that we were.

9

It was just horseplay.”

10

“Did she ever tell you that anything you did bothered her? Ask 11

you to stop?”

12

“No way.”

13

“I don’t suppose the magazine has any formal sexual harassment 14

policy?” Under ordinary circumstances, Kate thought, this would 15

have been among the first questions asked. Here, however, the pos-16

sibility was so farfetched that she could see why Mills had slipped 17

it in obliquely. Starting out with questions about office policy 18

would only have further alienated Thorpe. Again, she was im-19

pressed with Mills’s finely calibrated attunement to the human 20

equation. It was, she realized, the ultimate source of his power.

21

When Thorpe responded with an exasperated shake of his head, 22

Mills moved on without comment.

23

“Who were her friends at the office?”

24

“Well, I don’t know about friends. She had lunch sometimes 25

with Linda Morris and Melissa Lyle.”

26

“And they are?”

27

“Secretaries. Linda works for Brian Keck, the managing editor.

28

Melissa works for Oliver Leary, the deputy editor. She does over-29

flow work for me, too. Like when there was too much for Stephie 30

to handle.”

31

“Who’s doing your secretarial work now?”

32

“Depends. Some days, I just work with Melissa and Linda. If 33

there’s a lot going on, I call in a temp.”

ort 34

Epstein looked alarmed. “Temps? I didn’t know that, Chuck. We reg 35

need to talk about that. We don’t need any more potential wit-9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 69

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

6 9

nesses than we already have. Especially third-party witnesses we 1

don’t control.”

2

Thorpe rolled his eyes. “Sorry, folks. Just trying to run my mag-3

azine.”

4

“Actually, Chuck, it’s not your magazine,” Epstein snapped. “It 5

used to be, but you sold it. Remember? It belongs to WideWorld 6

now. To WideWorld’s stockholders.”

7

Holden spun around in his chair, his gray eyes flashing. “Hey 8

Richard, that’s no way to talk to Chuck. We’ll work this out.”

9

Epstein seemed about to respond but instead returned to his 10

notes.

11

Mills cut in. “I think the first order of business is to nail poten-12

tial witnesses to their stories. No point in worrying about whether 13

the accounts are going to change if we go to trial. We’ll start by 14

getting affidavits from Friedman’s coworkers. From what you’ve 15

said, Chuck, I assume that they’ll be cooperative.”

16

Thorpe nodded.

17

“In addition to getting witness statements,” Mills continued, 18

“we need to get any information that we can about Friedman’s 19

personal life. Lovers, drug use, any history or sign of mental ill-20

ness — that’s the sort of information we want. Anything that 21

could show —”

22

“That she’s a little nutty and a little slutty. Right?” Thorpe 23

grinned.

24

Holden grinned back and winked at Thorpe. Epstein stared at 25

the opposite wall, rhythmically tapping the floor with a black 26

leather shoe.

27

Mills paused, his lips turned up slightly in a benign smile.

28

“You’re going to want to watch it with the wisecracks, Chuck,” he 29

said lightly. “You too, Jed.”

30

Jed Holden looked chastened. “Sorry, Carter. You’re absolutely 31

right.” Thorpe smirked and said nothing.

32

Epstein looked up. “Gentlemen, I’m sorry to raise an unpleasant 33

issue, but I want to put myself on record.

34 sh

“I believe that WideWorld and Mr. Thorpe have divergent in-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

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terests. I think the idea of joint representation under these cir-2

cumstances is extremely ill-advised. Simply put, I just don’t see 3

how Samson & Mills can effectively represent both Chuck Thorpe 4

and WideWorld Media.”

5

Holden glared at Epstein. “Richard, we’ve already discussed 6

this,” he said. The icy tone revealed a fixity of purpose at odds with 7

his low-key demeanor.

8

“Yes. And I’m afraid that we disagree.” Epstein’s voice was flat.

9

Kate glanced over at Mills, who showed no reaction. It was pre-10

cisely the point that Madeleine had made on Monday. She waited 11

for Mills’s response. But before he could speak, Thorpe broke in.

12

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Epstein?” Thorpe’s voice was 13

laced with fury. “Don’t try to tell me this isn’t personal. Every step 14

of the way, you’ve —”

15

“You can think whatever you like, Chuck,” Epstein interrupted.

16

“That’s entirely your concern. But I have ethical obligations to this 17

corporation. Ethical obligations. Not something you’d know a 18

whole lot about.”

19

“There’s not a goddamn thing wrong with that schedule,”

20

Thorpe shot back. “You didn’t ask for a list of every single god-21

damn stupid threat that any idiot ever made against Catch. There 22

aren’t enough trees in the world for that list. What you wanted —

23

and what you got — is a list of pending and foreseeable litigation 24

with a material adverse effect on my income statement. That’s what 25

MAE stands for, in case you’ve forgotten. Material adverse effect. I 26

had no idea that Stephanie was going to pursue this thing like she 27

has. Surprised the hell out of me. Still does. To be honest, I 28

thought it was sort of a joke, just a way to get my attention.”

29

“Well, I guess she got your attention,” Epstein said dryly.

30

Mills intervened. “Jed and I’ve discussed this,” he said, directing 31

his words to Epstein. “I understand your concerns, but I don’t share 32

them.”

33

So that’s that, Kate thought. But why had Madeleine been so ort 34

convinced of the truth of what Epstein was saying?

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7 1

Epstein opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, then 1

clamped it shut. Mills turned to Thorpe.

2

“Of course, if you want to retain a personal lawyer, Chuck, 3

you’re certainly free to do that.”

4

“Whatever.” Thorpe yawned. He seemed to have lost interest in 5

the conversation, and his eyes drifted across the table. Kate could 6

feel his gaze slipping over her. Almost reflexively, she crossed her 7

arms. Was she imagining it, or did a triumphant smile flash across 8

Thorpe’s face? Before she could be sure, his eyes moved on. The 9

tension seemed to have left his body, as if his anger had played out.

10

“Now where, oh where, could Miss Madeleine be?” Chuck 11

Thorpe asked the room at large.

12

w

13

It was almost eleven that night by the time Kate got home. Flip-14

ping on an overhead light, she glanced around her apartment. In 15

Manhattan, they called this a “luxury” one-bedroom, though just 16

what the luxury consisted of remained unclear. White stucco ceil-17

ings, worn parquet floors, a windowless galley kitchen, and a tiny 18

bathroom. Large sliding windows looked out on an adjacent build-19

ing. Still, the apartment had its advantages. Simply put, it was 20

clean and safe. After three years in ramshackle Cambridge apart-21

ments, Kate had opted for modern convenience over charm. The 22

building had a doorman — pretty much a necessity, given her 23

round-the-clock schedule — and it was less than two blocks from 24

the subway. It was quiet, another New York anomaly. And it was 25

only — only — $2,500 a month. Faced with a rental market 26

tighter than at any time since the booming eighties, she’d snapped 27

it up.

28

She still had some work to do. Dropping her coat and briefcase 29

on the couch, Kate made her way toward the kitchen. Coffee. That 30

was what she needed. She opened the freezer and pulled out some 31

Gold Coast Blend — her favorite Starbucks mix — and dumped it 32

in the Braun coffeemaker. Good thing those machines were built 33

to last. Hers was certainly doing overtime. She was a little hungry, 34 sh

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too. Opening the refrigerator door, she gazed inside. Slim pickings.

2

Half a loaf of Zabar’s semolina bread purchased God knows when.

3

A hunk of cheddar cheese, its rind chalky with age. A few jars 4

of jam. Pickles, chutney, Dijon mustard, organic peanut butter.

5

She finally settled on peanut butter and saltines, one of her law 6

school mainstays for late-night snacks. She did her best to spread 7

the peanut butter, still stiff from the cold. Then, munching on 8

the crackers, she wandered off to her bedroom for a change of 9

clothes.

10

The rich smell of brewing coffee drifted in from the kitchen, and 11

Kate felt her spirits lift. Sometimes it really didn’t take much. She 12

was rummaging through a dresser drawer, trying to locate her fa-13

vorite ratty and ultrasoft Harvard Law School sweatshirt, when the 14

telephone rang. Tara, she thought immediately. Damn, I forgot to 15

call her. But when she picked up the receiver, the voice was male 16

and unfamiliar.

17

“May I speak to Kate Paine?”

18

“Speaking.” Holding the receiver under her chin, Kate pulled 19

out a pair of tattered black leggings, acquired several years back at 20

the Gap. Just the thing.

21

“This is Douglas Macauley,” the voice said. “I’m a friend of Tara 22

Wilkie’s. I think she mentioned me to you. I —”

23

Kate sat down hard on her bed. “I know who you are,” she said, 24

the words sounding more abrupt than she’d intended. After all, it 25

was hardly his fault. But she could kill Tara. Could she have made 26

her feelings on the subject any clearer last night?

27

“I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner Friday night.

28

Maybe go to a movie afterward.”

29

“Listen, I appreciate your calling, but I —” What? Don’t go out on 30

dates since my boyfriend dumped me two years ago? She felt a renewed 31

burst of annoyance at Tara for putting her in this spot.

32

“Tara told me that you’re really busy,” Douglas said. “If Friday 33

isn’t good for you, I’m pretty flexible.”

ort 34

“No, no . . . , it’s just that —” I don’t go to the movies or eat dinner?

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7 3

I’m coming down with Lyme disease? I can already tell from your voice 1

that you’re not my type?

2

“So Friday’s okay?” He sounded tentative, as if he didn’t quite 3

get what she was saying. Too late, Kate realized that she should 4

have said that she already had plans. The fact that she almost never 5

had plans had caused her to overlook this simple all-purpose ex-6

cuse. And if she tried to wiggle out now, it would sound fake. She 7

decided to cut her losses.

8

“I guess I could meet you for a movie,” she said. “As long as it’s 9

after seven.” A movie would be all right — three hours tops —

10

hardly any time for conversation and then she’d beg off as soon as 11

it was over — early day tomorrow, not much sleep last night. She’d 12

hardly have to talk with him at all! She congratulated herself on 13

this solution: she’d see a movie and get Tara off her back, all in one 14

easy step.

15

“Great!” He sounded genuinely pleased. Kate wondered what 16

Tara had told him. “You live on the Upper West Side, right?”

17

“Right.” A jolt of annoyance. Why had Tara told him where she 18

lived?

19

“Shall I pick you up?”

20

“Let’s just meet at the theater,” she said quickly. “Why don’t you 21

call me at the office on Friday morning, and we’ll figure out the de-22

tails.”

23

“Fine. So . . . I’ll talk to you then. I’m looking forward to it.”

24

“Right. I’ll speak to you Friday,” Kate said.

25

After hanging up the phone, she finished getting dressed. The 26

call had been disconcerting, but all in all she’d handled it well, she 27

decided. Maybe this would even convince Tara that she was on the 28

road to a normal social life.

29

Kate slid on a pair of worn shearling slippers and padded back to 30

the kitchen for coffee, her mind already racing to the legal cases 31

waiting on her desk. Before sitting down, she turned on the televi-32

sion for company. The cheery sit-com voices provided a soothing 33

illusion of companionship. In a few minutes, the news would be 34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

on. Outside it had started to rain, a dull pounding against the win-2

dows. Sipping her coffee, Kate felt cozy and safe, as if she were a 3

law student again, cramming for the big exam.

4

A stack of Westlaw cases beside her, she was absorbed in the 5

Supreme Court’s decision in Meritor Savings Bank, FSB v. Vinson 6

when a familiar name caught her ear. “Madeleine Waters, a partner 7

at the eminent law firm of Samson & Mills —” At first Kate 8

thought she’d misheard. But as she turned her chair to face the 9

twelve-inch television screen — a relic from her student days —

10

she heard the name again. Madeleine Waters. An unprepossessing 11

middle-aged man, windblown and impatient, spoke rapidly into a 12

microphone held by a slender young woman in a short red coat, 13

the two figures outlined against a desolate urban landscape. In the 14

background Kate could make out water — the Hudson River, by 15

the looks of it. The man was all business, clearly eager to have 16

done with this frivolous intruder. “The body was identified earlier 17

today,” he said curtly, his voice raised to be heard over the din of 18

traffic. “I’m not at liberty to say anything more at this time. We’re 19

keeping all our options open, and I’d rather not speculate on any 20

specific possibilities.”

21

“Thank you, Detective,” the young woman said, her voice fight-22

ing with the wind and street noise. Standing up abruptly, Kate al-23

most knocked over her coffee. She felt a sudden need to walk, to 24

move. She started across her apartment and then turned back 25

toward the television, forcing herself to listen. She tried to focus 26

on the words that continued to flow from the cherry-red lips of the 27

young reporter. “Brutal slaying . . . sure to spread shock waves 28

through New York’s legal community . . . one of the few female 29

partners at what is often described as the city’s most prominent law 30

firm.” The words seemed random, disconnected. Concentrate. In-31

stead, Kate found herself incongruously noting that the shade of 32

the reporter’s lipstick exactly matched her coat.

33

As the report wound to a close, the screen filled with a photo-ort 34

graph of Madeleine. The picture showed her smiling, triumphant reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

7 5

some time back, perhaps at the time of her partnership election.

1

Her hair was straight and much shorter. She looked both older and 2

younger than Kate remembered. While her demeanor was strictly 3

professional, it also hinted at a sort of jaunty optimism entirely ab-4

sent from the woman she’d briefly known.

5

The next story flashed on the screen.

6

Kate found herself rubbing her hands together, as if she were try-7

ing to keep warm. Shock, fear, anxiety — the feelings swarmed 8

through her along with a deeper pain that she couldn’t name. She 9

had a sudden urge to speak with Justin. Justin. Just the thought of 10

him seemed to bring her emotions down a notch. She picked up 11

the phone with a trembling hand and punched in the familiar 12

number. Justin picked up right away.

13

“H’llo?” His voice was hazy with sleep.

14

“Justin, it’s me,” she blurted. “Madeleine Waters was murdered.

15

They just found the body. It was on TV. My God, I just can’t —”

16

Kate could hear the agitation in her voice as the words tumbled 17

out hot and fast.

18

“Whad . . . Whad’re you talking about?”

19

Struggling to stem the flow of words, Kate tried to recount the 20

facts she’d just heard. A lawyer’s recital. Everything she could re-21

call. The mental discipline soothed her, and by the time she fin-22

ished, her voice had steadied. She was very tired.

23

“Are . . . you sure?” Justin asked. He still sounded groggy, as if he 24

didn’t quite get what she was saying.

25

“Of course I’m sure, Justin,” Kate snapped. “Do you think I’d 26

make up something like this?”

27

“No, I know. I just . . . I was sleeping.” He sounded dumb-28

founded, as if the act of speech were newly discovered.

29

“Look, I’m sorry to wake you like this,” Kate said. “It’s just that 30

I’m so freaked out. And . . . and I thought you’d want to know.”

31

“Madeleine . . . I mean, I worked with her.” Justin said. Now 32

there was a subtle change in his voice, as if her words were finally 33

sinking in. “I don’t see how this . . . Listen, Kate, can you hold on 34 sh

for a second?”

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A M Y G U T M A N

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Kate heard some rustling, the snap of a light. Then Justin was 2

back on the phone, this time sounding almost alert.

3

“D’you think they could have . . . gotten it wrong or something?

4

On TV, I mean?”

5

She gave it a moment’s thought. “I guess it’s possible, but it 6

doesn’t seem very likely. Do you think they’d go with a story this 7

big if they weren’t sure? Besides, they had her picture.”

8

“Oh.” Kate could hear Justin’s breathing. “How . . . how was she 9

killed?”

10

“I don’t know,” Kate said. She felt deflated, as if she’d failed 11

to complete some important assignment. “I’m not sure that they 12

said. Does that seem right? That they wouldn’t say anything about 13

it?”

14

“Don’t know. Did they say if there’d been an arrest? Do they 15

know who did it?”

16

“No. I mean, not so far as I know. It didn’t sound that way. The 17

guy on the news — he was some sort of detective, I think — said 18

they were keeping their options open.” She shivered. “It sounds 19

like something you’d tell an investment adviser.”

20

There was a beep on Kate’s line. Call waiting. “Justin — I’ve got 21

another call. One second.”

22

It was Peyton Winslow.

23

“Kate. Have you heard the news?”

24

“Yes, just a few minutes ago. It’s horrible. Listen, Peyton. I’m on 25

another call. Give me a second.”

26

She returned to Justin. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got Peyton Winslow 27

on the line.”

28

“Just hang in there.” Justin’s voice was gentle. “I’ll see you to-29

morrow.”

30

As she clicked back to Peyton, Kate curled up on her couch.

31

“Kate? I just wanted to be sure you’d heard about Madeleine.” In 32

the background she could hear the muffled cadences of the televi-33

sion news mingled with strains of music. Something classical, slow ort 34

and melodious.

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

7 7

“I can’t believe it.” The old cliché, but somehow it was all that 1

came to mind.

2

“I know,” Peyton said. His voice was soft, the clipped British in-3

tonations less noticeable than usual.

4

“That’s why she wasn’t at the meeting today,” Kate said. “Why 5

didn’t we realize that something might be wrong? Why didn’t we 6

do something?”

7

“There’s nothing we could have done, Kate,” Peyton’s voice re-8

mained calm. “She was already dead. It happened sometime last 9

night.”

10

Sometime last night. While she ate dinner with Tara, played chess 11

with Justin. Sometime during those hours — while she was laugh-12

ing, talking, arguing with her friends — Madeleine Waters had 13

been murdered. Justin was right: it just didn’t seem possible.

14

“How do you know?”

15

“What?”

16

“When it happened. How do you know when it happened?”

17

“It was on the TV news.”

18

“Oh. I didn’t hear that part.” From the back of the couch, Kate 19

pulled a blanket and wrapped it around her legs. On the one hand, 20

it was a relief to know that there wasn’t anything she could have 21

done. There was no reason to feel guilty. On the other, it was ap-22

palling to know how powerless they all had been. She would have 23

liked to think that, if they had known, if they had somehow 24

guessed, then Madeleine could have been saved.

25

“There’s no way we could have known,” Peyton said, as if read-26

ing her thoughts. “This isn’t the sort of thing that anyone thinks 27

will happen.”

28

“I . . . I know.”

29

“The next few weeks are going to be rough. It’s going to be im-30

portant to stay focused.”

31

“Focused?” Kate felt as if she must have missed something. Stay 32

focused on what?

33

Over the phone, Kate could hear Peyton take a deep breath.

34 sh

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“Look, Kate. Until Madeleine’s killer is apprehended, her death is 2

going to be the major concern for everyone at the firm. It will be 3

up to us to keep things on track with the Thorpe case. The firm’s 4

going to be counting on us. And I’m going to be counting on you.”

5

At that moment, Kate caught on: His partnership, that’s what this 6

was about. Peyton’s instinct for self-promotion took her breath 7

away. No wonder he’d advanced so quickly. Beneath the dry wit, 8

beneath the patrician veneer, was an ambition that never wavered.

9

“Right,” Kate said, careful to keep her tone neutral. She liked 10

Peyton, she really did, but she still found his attitude chilling. Was 11

this what it took to make partner?

12

Peyton continued, oblivious to her thoughts. “Hard as this is, we 13

have to think about what needs to get done. We can’t bring 14

Madeleine back. The greatest tribute we can pay to her memory is 15

to keep doing the firm’s work.”

16

Peyton paused for a moment, as if waiting for Kate to respond.

17

When she didn’t answer, he moved on. “So . . . how’s the memo?”

18

The memo? A partner had just been killed, and Peyton was ask-19

ing her about a memo? The conversation seemed more and more 20

surreal.

21

“It’s . . . it’s fine. I’ve already pulled most of the cases.”

22

Five minutes later, when Kate finally hung up the phone, she sat 23

for a moment unmoving. Through the windows, she could hear the 24

rain. It was coming down harder now. The news had moved on to 25

sports. Kate grabbed her remote from the coffee table and flipped 26

through the other channels, searching for further word. But there 27

was nothing. A few minutes later, she turned off the television.

28

Then she got up and went to the kitchen, where she dumped out 29

the dregs of her now-lukewarm coffee before rinsing out the mug.

30

All that caffeine had made her jittery. She decided to make some 31

herbal tea.

32

Standing at the stove, waiting for the water to boil, she tried 33

to imagine Madeleine’s final hours. But her mind was blank.

ort 34

Now that she’d begun to absorb the news, she realized how little reg 35

she knew. How had Madeleine died? Was she shot? Strangled?

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Stabbed? The reporter had used the term “brutal murder” — that 1

tabloid journalist’s cliché — but what did it mean? Who was re-2

sponsible? And why? Was Madeleine killed by a stranger, a vic-3

tim of random violence? Or had there been some personal 4

motive?

5

As the kettle began to whistle, Kate automatically picked it up 6

and poured the water into her mug, dropping in a mint-chamomile 7

tea bag. A sense of anxiety engulfed her, heavy and inert. She care-8

fully checked the gas. Off. Checked the front door. Locked.

9

Checked the blinds. Down. There was nothing to worry about.

10

She was safe, absolutely secure in this upscale building behind 11

layer upon layer of doormen and locks. Still, she could feel her 12

heart pounding.

13

Kate forced herself back to her chair, where she stared blankly at 14

the stack of legal opinions on her desk. It felt like hours since she’d 15

left off reading. In fact, it had been less than an hour. Her mind 16

darted from thought to thought. Andrea. She should call Andrea 17

to be sure that she knew. She picked up the receiver and dialed.

18

The phone rang once, twice, three times, in Andrea’s East Side 19

apartment, before the answering machine engaged. Kate hung up 20

without leaving a message. It was late; maybe Andrea was sleeping.

21

She tried once more, hoping her friend would wake up, but again 22

she got the machine.

23

If only she had someone to talk to.

24

She thought about calling Justin back. But what did she have to 25

say? All she really wanted was the sound of a friendly voice, the 26

feeling that she was not alone. She was overcome by a sense of des-27

olation. Suddenly, she missed her parents, missed them with a des-28

perate fervor. The mother she’d loved, the father she’d barely 29

known. With a sigh, she went back to her chair and sat down. She 30

looked at her watch: Ten minutes before midnight. The Supreme 31

Court’s Meritor case remained folded open, just as she’d left it on 32

her desk.

33

Placing her mug on a ceramic coaster, Kate began to read.

34 sh

w

35 re

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1

It was raining, waves of crystal beads hammering against his win-2

dows. Inside, he felt safe, content.

3

He was glad to be alone. There was a lot to think about.

4

Finally, he could relax, glory in the knowledge of his first suc-5

cess.

6

Madeleine Waters was dead. Because of him.

7

He felt a renewed sense of power. For a time, he’d worried about 8

overreaching. Worried that he was foolish to make changes when 9

success was so very close. That was when mistakes were made.

10

But he was an artist. Artists worked with the materials at hand.

11

Madeleine’s appearance had been a stroke of fortune. He’d been 12

right to make use of her. Contemplating his plan, he’d never 13

thought anything was lacking. But he’d been wrong. Without 14

Madeleine, his work would have been incomplete. And now, now 15

it was perfect.

16

Yet something was nagging at him. In the restaurant last night, 17

Madeleine had said that he was crazy.

18

Crazy.

19

A silly word. A child’s word.

20

He’d tried to shrug it off. Just one small word, tossed off in the 21

heat of battle. It was nothing, nothing at all. Silly to let this bother 22

him, to prevent him from enjoying this moment. And even if it 23

were true, what did it really matter? He was, after all, an artist.

24

Artists were often mad. It was part of what made them great. Part 25

of what distinguished them.

26

Still, the word grated on his mind.

27

A flash of lightning ripped the sky in two.

28

Twice, he paced the length of his apartment, trying to calm him-29

self. Then he had a new idea. Crossing the room again, he slid 30

open the door of a large storage closet filled with neatly stacked 31

boxes. He rapidly reviewed the printed labels. The container he 32

needed was second from the top. Standing on a chair, he reached 33

up and pulled it down.

ort 34

Back on the floor, he used a Swiss Army knife to slice open the reg 35

sealed top. The box was filled with books. He removed them one 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 81

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

8 1

by one until he found what he was looking for. Criminal Law and Its 1

Processes: Cases and Materials.

2

He turned to the Index. Insanity. There were more than a dozen 3

entries. But it was the classic definition that he was looking for —

4

the seminal M’Naghten rule. The standard handed down by the 5

House of Lords after the attempted murder of Sir Robert Peel. The 6

genesis of the modern insanity defense.

7

Again he flipped through the book, until he found the famous 8

case, then scanned it for the definition. There. He’d found it.

9

Neatly underlined in red: “to establish a defence on the ground of 10

insanity, it must be clearly proved that, at the time of the commit-11

ting of the act, the party accused was labouring under such a defect 12

of reason, from disease of the mind, as not to know the nature and 13

quality of the act he was doing; or, if he did know it, that he did not 14

know he was doing what was wrong.”

15

The language was difficult to follow. He went over it several 16

times, reading the words out loud. So. Had he known the nature 17

and quality of the act he was doing?

18

Certainly.

19

He had murdered Madeleine Waters. In cold blood. For a pur-20

pose of his own.

21

Under that first definition, he was certainly not insane.

22

But the second part of the rule required further thought: Had he 23

known that he was doing wrong?

24

He folded his legs beneath him and gazed out the window at the 25

driving rain.

26

Doing wrong. It all depended on your point of view. Of course, 27

he knew that murder was prohibited by law. But was it wrong?

28

That was a different question. Madeleine’s murder had been the 29

crowning touch. A fitting prologue for the plan’s unfolding.

30

No, he could not, did not, believe that it was wrong.

31

A wave of displeasure passed through him, as if he’d lost an im-32

portant debate.

33

But he refused to give in. Impatiently he flipped ahead. There 34 sh

must be something else, an interpretation that would prove him 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

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right. Prove that he was no less sane than Madeleine herself had 2

been.

3

State v. Crenshaw. This was it, the case he’d been looking for. As 4

his eyes passed down the page, he began to smile. He read the 5

words slowly, relishing what they said. It was interesting what had 6

happened here. A man believed his new wife to be unfaithful. And 7

so, during their honeymoon, he’d killed her. Stabbed her twenty-8

four times. Sitting back on his heels, he tried to imagine the scene.

9

The terrified young wife, watching her husband change from lover 10

to enemy. How much blood there must have been!

11

As much, perhaps, as when he killed Madeleine Waters. . . .

12

After a dreamy moment, his eyes moved back to the text. Now 13

this Crenshaw fellow had tried to mount an insanity defense. Had 14

argued that since God condoned the murder of an adulterous wife, 15

he’d had no knowledge of a moral wrong. But the court had refused 16

to accept this logic. Crenshaw had known that murder was barred 17

by law. And that, the court said, was enough.

18

A much better rule. More in accord with reason, with common 19

sense.

20

And under the Crenshaw rule, he, too, would be considered sane.

21

Slowly, he felt the tension ease from his neck and back, felt the 22

vertebrae unclench. Of course, he had no intention of being 23

charged, no intention of ever being caught. Still, it was comforting 24

to know. It would be humiliating to be thought crazy. Humiliating 25

and unfair.

26

Replacing the book in its carton, he stood up and stretched his 27

legs. It was getting late, but he wasn’t the least bit tired. Already, 28

he was moving on. To the final act of the drama. The final step in 29

his plan.

30

January 16. A Saturday. Just ten days from tonight.

31

For years now, he’d marked this day, created rituals to acknowl-32

edge its passing.

33

But now the time of waiting was over. His fantasies would be-ort 34

come real. He was finally taking action.

reg 35

And the circle would be complete.

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1

Thursday, January 7

2

3

Darkness everywhere. At first, Kate didn’t know where she was.

4

The room was hot and dry. Beneath a weight of bedding, a layer of 5

perspiration drenched her chest. Something was wrong, but what?

6

Then, as she turned her head to one side, everything flooded back.

7

She was at home, in her New York apartment.

8

And Madeleine Waters was dead.

9

Kate lay still for a moment, letting the knowledge sink in. Then 10

she kicked off the blankets and swung her legs to the floor. The 11

fluorescent numbers on her bedside clock read 6:48 a.m. She’d 12

slept about six hours. The alarm was set for 7:30. She turned it off, 13

flipped on a lamp, and clambered out of bed.

14

The Times had already arrived, and Kate quickly scanned its 15

contents. The brief news item about Madeleine was short and to 16

the point. Nothing she didn’t already know. She’d have to go to 17 sh

the newsstand. The tabloids would certainly have more.

18 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

Kate moved quickly around the apartment, eager to get out the 2

door. No need to make coffee, she’d go by Starbucks after picking 3

up the daily papers. She took a five-minute shower then slipped on 4

a loose gray jersey dress and black tights. A long strand of cultured 5

pearls, a black scarf, and black suede shoes completed the ensem-6

ble. It was an outfit she kept on reserve for days when she couldn’t 7

deal with the constrictions of a suit. Slightly funky but still suitable 8

for office wear. She clipped her hair back with a black suede-9

covered barrette — she didn’t have the time to wash and dry it —

10

grabbed her red cape and black leather gloves and was out the front 11

door of her apartment.

12

A bitterly cold day. No snow yet, but a leaden sky loomed over-13

head. The sidewalks glistened with ice, the residue of last night’s 14

downpour. Carefully picking her way, Kate headed for the nearest 15

newsstand, one block over to Broadway and two blocks down to 16

Seventy-ninth Street. The bold-faced headlines jumped out at her 17

from a distance. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: MEGA-LAWYER

18

FOUND DEAD IN SEX SLAYING. She bought copies of the 19

city’s two tabloids and walked quickly toward the Starbucks at 20

Eighty-first Street.

21

Once inside, she didn’t bother to stand in line. Instead, she im-22

mediately grabbed a stool at the counter that ran along the store’s 23

plate-glass front and spread out the Daily Press. The front page fea-24

tured the same studio portrait of Madeleine that was broadcast on 25

TV. Flipping through the ink-smudged pages, Kate found what she 26

was looking for. The dogged tabloid press had managed to dig up 27

information to supplement the brief report on the late-night news.

28

Had, in fact, managed to interview the unemployed mechanic who 29

had found and reported the body. Madeleine’s body. “Worst thing 30

I ever seen in my life,” he’d told a reporter. “I could barely tell it 31

was a woman, there was so much blood all over. The lady was 32

stripped naked, with some sort of object — looked like a candle —

33

sticking out from her lower parts. Her face and chest was all cut up.

ort 34

Looked like someone took a cleaver to her.”

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

8 5

through her. Still, she kept reading. Investigators had refused all 1

comment on the eyewitness account. But a criminal psychology 2

expert had been more forthcoming. “From the description, this 3

sounds like the work of a disorganized offender,” he concluded.

4

“The insertion of an object into the vaginal cavity, the extreme as-5

sault to the face — these are all hallmarks of disorganized killers.

6

This type of less intelligent criminal is most often a young male be-7

tween the ages of seventeen and twenty-five, an underachiever 8

with no close friends. He’s likely to be delusional.”

9

Lifting her eyes, Kate gazed out the window at the well-heeled 10

Manhattanites streaming toward the subway entrance, oblivious to 11

the nightmare underside of city life. Two days ago, Madeleine had 12

been just like them, rushing on to the next appointment, the next 13

meal. And now she was dead. It was a terrifying reminder of what 14

could happen when you started taking safety for granted. Thanks 15

to the city’s declining crime rate, Kate gave little thought to the 16

dangers around her. But the fact that murder was rare didn’t mean 17

that it never happened. Thinking of her own tendency to jump on 18

the subway regardless of the hour, Kate told herself she’d be more 19

careful. There was no reason to take foolish risks. Yes, that was it, 20

she’d take more taxis. Kate felt her muscles relax. There was some-21

thing reassuring about the thought.

22

A practical step she could take to protect herself.

23

w

24

Carter Mills composed his features in an expression of weighty 25

sorrow as he accepted condolences from Mike Glaser, one of two 26

NYPD detectives now seated in his office. The other was a woman, 27

Hispanic. Her name was Cathy Valencia. As Glaser spoke, Mills’s 28

eyes briefly, almost imperceptibly, flickered over Valencia, before 29

shifting to the grandfather clock behind her. It seemed to be run-30

ning slow. He made a mental note to look up that clock expert he’d 31

read about in the Times. Clara would remember the name.

32

Glaser flipped open a notebook. He appeared to be in his early 33

forties, with thinning brown hair and frank blue eyes. He had one 34 sh

of those disarmingly guileless faces that often hide a keen intelli-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

gence. Like a good trial lawyer, he’d use his appearance to effect.

2

Mills knew better than to underestimate him.

3

“Mr. Mills, like I said before, we’re gonna need to get into Ms.

4

Waters’s office. The longer you put us off, the harder it is for us to 5

do our job.”

6

Mills concealed his growing annoyance. “We’re moving as 7

quickly as possible, Detective. Once we’ve determined that confi-8

dential client information won’t be at risk, you’ll have full access.”

9

“So when are we talking about?”

10

“Later today. Sometime this afternoon.”

11

Glaser frowned. Mills could tell he wasn’t happy with the delay.

12

But short of going for a warrant, which in itself would take some 13

time, there really wasn’t much the detective could do.

14

“I assume you understand the importance of leaving everything 15

just as it was.” Glaser’s voice was hard.

16

“Of course, Detective. You have my word.”

17

“D’you think we could at least get a snapshot of the room? I’ve 18

got a camera with me.”

19

“I’ll get back to you on that, Detective.”

20

Glaser seemed poised for another push, but in the end he let the 21

subject drop. “You got any idea at all who could have done this, 22

Mr. Mills?”

23

Mills raised his hands for a moment before placing them flat on 24

his desk. “Absolutely not,” he said. “This came as a total shock. I 25

can’t imagine anyone less likely than Madeleine to be a murder 26

victim. Especially this sort of thing. Horrible. I can only think that 27

it was some terrible stroke of misfortune.”

28

“You worked directly with Ms. Waters?”

29

“Yes.”

30

“When was the last time you saw her?”

31

“That would have been Tuesday morning. The day she was 32

killed. She came to my office to discuss a new case. It was a short 33

meeting. Only about twenty minutes. We’re both busy people. We ort 34

pretty much stuck to business.”

reg 35

“Anything unusual about her? Did she seem worried, upset?”

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

8 7

“No, Detective. Believe me, I’ve thought about it. But there was 1

absolutely no sign that anything was wrong.”

2

“Anyone else at the meeting, or was it just the two of you?”

3

“We were alone.”

4

Nodding, Glaser settled back in his chair. As if to say they were 5

just getting started. In rapid-fire fashion, the questions resumed.

6

“You got any idea what she did later that day? After she left your 7

office.”

8

“I know she had an eight o’clock dinner downtown. With a 9

client. We had a meeting with him the next day. He complained 10

that she hadn’t shown up at the restaurant. That was the first indi-11

cation that something was wrong. Though at the time, I just as-12

sumed that there’d been some sort of misunderstanding. That one 13

of them had gotten the time wrong.”

14

“The client’s name?”

15

“Chuck Thorpe. He runs a magazine.”

16

“I know who he is,” Glaser said. “You got a number for him?”

17

“You can get that from my secretary,” Mills said.

18

“Let’s just take care of that now.”

19

Mills hesitated a moment. Beneath the matter-of-fact ex-20

change, a subtle power play was under way, a battle over who 21

would control the flow of information. But this one wasn’t worth 22

fighting. Mills buzzed Clara.

23

After jotting down Thorpe’s number, Glaser scanned his notes 24

before moving on with his questions.

25

“Ms. Waters have a boyfriend that you know of?”

26

“I don’t think there was anyone special. She’d been dating vari-27

ous people. And she’d been spending some time with Thorpe. I 28

don’t know where that stood. From time to time, I’d see her with a 29

date at firm functions. The faces changed over the years. I don’t re-30

call ever seeing her with someone more than a couple times.”

31

“Any other names come to mind?”

32

“I’m afraid not.”

33

“What about enemies? Anyone have a grievance against her?

34 sh

We’re looking for motive here.”

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

“If you mean someone who would want her dead, I can’t imagine.

2

Of course, she’d had her share of run-ins with people over the years.

3

Samson & Mills is an intense place. I’m sure there were associates 4

who felt she worked them too hard or didn’t treat them fairly. Pre-5

dictably, there was some controversy when she was elected partner.

6

There always is. But nothing that would lead to murder.”

7

“Anyone especially upset by that?”

8

“Well, there’s Martin Drescher. Another partner here. He was 9

strongly opposed to Madeleine’s election. But that wasn’t about 10

Madeleine. It was about me. Martin and I have a long history. He 11

ran against me for managing partner. Madeleine was my protégée.

12

He was trying to get back at me through her.”

13

Glaser scribbled another note. “What about rivalries among Ms.

14

Waters’s peers? This place must be pretty competitive.”

15

Mills gave a cool smile. “You could say that. This year, we’ll hire 16

over a hundred first-year associates from the best law schools in the 17

country. Of those, only a few — four or five — will still be here in 18

eight years, the point at which they’d be considered for partner-19

ship. One or two of them may actually be elected.”

20

“So someone who hung around for that many years and didn’t 21

make partner might be pretty upset?”

22

“Our senior associates are all remarkable lawyers, Detective.

23

Most can write their own tickets when they leave Samson & Mills.

24

They go on to stellar careers.”

25

“But perhaps not the careers they’d have chosen,” Glaser said.

26

Without waiting for Mills’s response, he went on. “What about the 27

year Ms. Waters became partner? Were some of her colleagues 28

passed over?”

29

“Of course. Five or six that year, if I recall correctly. A larger 30

than average group. Madeleine was the only one elected.”

31

“I’d like to get those names. We’ll also need a list of all the cases 32

Ms. Waters was working on, along with the names of clients and 33

anyone else she worked with.”

ort 34

“Fine.” Mills glanced pointedly at his watch, but Glaser didn’t reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

8 9

take the hint. “Who kept track of Ms. Waters’s schedule? She got 1

a secretary?”

2

“Yes, of course. Carmen. Carmen Rodriguez. She’s worked for 3

Madeleine for years.”

4

“We’re gonna need to talk to her. We’ll also wanna look at Ms.

5

Waters’s calendar, Palm Pilot, address books, that sort of thing.

6

Anything that can help us trace her movements, figure out what 7

she was doing, who she was with last night. The secretary in today?”

8

“I’ll see.” Mills buzzed Clara in the outside office. “Check and 9

see if Carmen is in yet. Ask her to come to my office.”

10

Mills turned back to Glaser. It was becoming a strain, this keep-11

ing up of pretenses. He wondered if his feelings showed. But what 12

did it really matter? They could hardly consider him a suspect. And 13

even if they did, his alibi was ironclad.

14

“What can you tell us about Ms. Waters’s friends? Who would 15

she have confided in if something was on her mind?”

16

Mills shook his head. “You know, I don’t think Madeleine had 17

close friends. Don’t get me wrong. She was a marvelous woman.

18

But she didn’t really open up to people.”

19

“So you wouldn’t necessarily have known if something was 20

bothering her?” Mills could tell Glaser was taking everything in.

21

The woman, too. He’d already forgotten her name. Almost forgot-22

ten she was there. Now he sensed her watching him.

23

“Actually, I believe that I would have. Not that Madeleine 24

would have told me outright. But, you see, I knew her very well. I 25

would have sensed that something was wrong.”

26

Mills waited for a follow-up question. Listen to the question.

27

Never volunteer information. It was the first instruction he gave 28

clients preparing for deposition or trial, a basic rule of engagement.

29

But rules were made to be broken. The most important thing was 30

to seem candid. As if he had nothing to hide.

31

Leaning forward slightly, Mills folded his hands. “I hired 32

Madeleine out of Columbia Law School. That would be ten or 33

twelve years ago now. There weren’t many women here then. Not 34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

that we’re doing as well as we’d like on that score, but it’s far bet-2

ter than in the past.”

3

That last comment was aimed at the woman detective, an effort 4

to reel her in, and Mills shot a quick glance in her direction. But 5

she was taking notes on a steno pad, and he couldn’t gauge her re-6

action. He moved on without missing a beat.

7

“Anyway, I knew right away that she had what it took. It wasn’t 8

just her intelligence, though God knows she had that, it was some-9

thing more. Madeleine was someone who thrived on extremes.

10

That’s the kind of lawyer who does well here.”

11

“And since then?” Glaser asked.

12

“We worked closely together for a number of years. I guess you’d 13

say I was her mentor. In addition we had a . . . romantic relation-14

ship that ended some years ago. It ended quite amicably, by mutual 15

consent. We remained friends. In fact, we’d recently started work 16

on a case together.”

17

“I see,” said Glaser, his tone noncommittal. “That must have 18

been a little touchy, working together like that. Would have been 19

hard on me, I think. Though what do I know? I’ve been married 20

going on twenty years.”

21

Glaser’s tone was bland, but Mills sensed something beneath the 22

surface. But before he could be sure, Glaser was moving on. “Ms.

23

Waters ever been married?” he asked.

24

“Yes, once. Years ago, when she first started work here. It didn’t 25

last long, though. Maybe a year or two.”

26

“You know the guy’s name?”

27

“I don’t remember offhand. He’s a photographer. Last I recall, he 28

lived somewhere out on the Island. But that was years ago.”

29

“Why’d they split up?”

30

Mills smiled. “The demands placed on young associates here are 31

extraordinary,” he said. “I’m afraid a lot of early marriages break up 32

as a result. Madeleine didn’t talk much about her ex-husband. But 33

from what I understand it was the usual reasons. He wanted her to ort 34

work less. They fought. Things went downhill from there.”

reg 35

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9 1

“And you took up with Ms. Waters before or after her divorce?”

1

“It may have been before the actual divorce. But the marriage 2

was already over.”

3

“Did they stay in touch, Ms. Waters and her ex-husband?”

4

“No. At least not that I know of.”

5

“You have any idea who Ms. Waters’s beneficiaries are? Who 6

stands to inherit?”

7

“Not offhand,” Mills said. “But a copy of her will is probably on 8

file with our Trusts and Estates Department. They generally handle 9

that sort of thing for partners.”

10

There was a buzz on Mills’s phone. He punched on the speaker-11

phone.

12

“Carmen Rodriguez is here.”

13

Mills gave Glaser an inquiring look.

14

“Great,” Glaser said. “We’re ready to talk to her now.”

15

w

16

9:03 a.m. Kate huddled over her second cup of sludgy Samson & 17

Mills coffee — the East Coast’s answer to Exxon Valdez — punch-18

ing in Andrea’s extension for what felt like the hundredth time. As 19

the phone rang, Kate rested her chin in her hand, and closed her 20

eyes. Andrea was an early riser, usually at her desk by eight. What 21

could be keeping her? The voice mail recording had just engaged —

22

“I’m sorry, the person that you’re calling, Andrea Lee, is not avail-23

able” — when Kate heard footsteps outside her office. The door flew 24

open and Andrea herself appeared, still wrapped in her winter coat.

25

“Jesus Christ, Kate, did you hear?” Andrea asked breathlessly. Her 26

usual poise was gone. She wore the same expression of disbelieving 27

shock as every other Samson employee Kate had seen that morning.

28

“Where have you been? ” Kate asked. She could hear the sharp-29

ness in her voice. “I’ve been trying to call you since last night.”

30

Shaking her head, Andrea collapsed into one of two chairs fac-31

ing Kate’s desk and pulled off her coat. When she spoke, her voice 32

was shaky. “I was feeling a little sick when I got home last night, 33

like I was coming down with something, and I . . . I decided to turn 34 sh

35 re

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in early. Brent’s out of town on business. In Chicago. After I talked 2

to him, I just unplugged the phone. I didn’t know a thing until I 3

turned on the radio this morning.”

4

“Some night you picked to go AWOL.” As the words emerged, 5

Kate realized that she’d been scared. Scared that the same name-6

less, faceless menace that had so abruptly ended Madeleine’s life 7

had somehow caught up with Andrea, too.

8

“Has there been any statement from the firm yet?” Andrea 9

asked, her voice subdued. “I haven’t been to my office.”

10

Kate picked up a single sheet of paper from her desk. “This was 11

in my box when I got in this morning. A memo from Carter Mills.

12

It doesn’t say a whole lot. The firm regrets the tragic death of 13

Madeleine Waters, extends its sympathy to her family. Refer any 14

media inquiries to Carter Mills. Yada, yada, yada.”

15

“Can I see?”

16

Kate passed her the sheet. Andrea skimmed the memo’s two 17

short paragraphs, then handed it back without comment.

18

“Do they know any of the details?” Andrea asked after a brief 19

hesitation.

20

Kate looked up at her, surprised. “Didn’t you see the morning 21

papers?”

22

Andrea shook her head. Wordlessly, Kate reached for her brief-23

case. She pulled out the folded stack of papers and passed them 24

across her desk. As Andrea read the headlines, her eyes widened.

25

“My God,” she said softly. “How awful.” Moments later she roughly 26

pushed the papers back toward Kate. “I’ve read enough for now,”

27

she said.

28

The two friends sat for a time in silence.

29

“I really can’t take this in,” Andrea said finally. “This just isn’t 30

the sort of thing that happens to a lawyer at Samson & Mills. I 31

mean, I guess that sounds stupid. It’s not like we have immunity or 32

something. But, somehow, the randomness . . . I feel like I’ve been 33

living in a dream world.”

ort 34

“How’s that?”

reg 35

“Well . . . ,” Andrea seemed to be searching for words. “It’s like 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 93

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any time disaster strikes a little too close for comfort — the World 1

Trade Center bombing, someone shot on a subway line that I take 2

all the time — I’ve always found some way to convince myself that 3

it could never happen to me. I do it almost without thinking. I say 4

to myself, ‘Okay, so I take the R train, but I never take it at that time 5

of day. ’ Or, ‘So I interviewed with a law firm that has offices in the 6

World Trade Center, but I never really considered going there. ’ See 7

what I mean?”

8

Kate shrugged uneasily. I’ll just take more taxis. It could never hap-9

pen to me. “I think we all do that,” she said. “It’s sort of a survival 10

mechanism. Who could function if they constantly focused on 11

what could go wrong? It’s like flying in planes. You just have to 12

count on the law of averages.”

13

“And you hate to fly,” Andrea noted wryly.

14

“True. But I still do it. Maybe that’s what separates the clinically 15

paranoid from the rest of us. That we can choose to ignore stuff, to 16

make decisions based on the odds. I guess that’s what they call per-17

spective. Or sanity.”

18

“Maybe you’re right. Still, something like this . . .” Again, An-19

drea’s voice trailed off.

20

Kate found her thoughts returning to that final meeting with 21

Madeleine. And then the terrible scene described in the morning’s 22

papers.

23

The phone rang. Kate looked down at the LCD screen, then 24

back to Andrea. “Carter Mills’s office,” she whispered.

25

Andrea rose as Kate picked up the receiver. “Talk to you later,”

26

Andrea mouthed, gently closing the door behind her.

27

“Ms. Paine?” Kate recognized Clara Hurley’s voice, calm and 28

even, utterly impervious to the events of the past twelve hours.

29

The perfect secretary.

30

“Speaking.”

31

“Mr. Mills would like to see you.”

32

Kate’s heart skipped a beat. “Now?”

33

“Right away, please. He’s waiting.”

34 sh

w

35 re

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Carter Mills extended his long legs and leaned back in his chair.

2

With one hand he held the phone to his ear. With the other he 3

rubbed his forehead. The gentle rise and fall of his chest was barely 4

detectible beneath his starched white shirt. His suit jacket hung on 5

the back of his chair.

6

“I’ve already answered that.” From the doorway, Kate could hear 7

the fatigue in Mills’s voice. “At this point, there are no suspects 8

that we know of.”

9

There was a pause as Mills listened to the voice at the other end 10

of the receiver. For the first time, Kate noticed deep grooves run-11

ning between his brows and along the sides of his mouth.

12

“The firm will be offering a substantial reward for any informa-13

tion leading to an arrest,” Mills said. “My partners and I will be dis-14

cussing the details this afternoon.”

15

Another pause, longer this time.

16

“There’s absolutely no reason to think so,” Mills finally said. “If 17

she’d received threats of any type, I’m certain she would have in-18

formed us.”

19

After a final brief exchange, Mills hung up the phone and 20

looked up at Kate. “Please,” he said, waving her toward the same 21

chair she’d occupied Monday morning. “I was just finishing up 22

with the Times. ”

23

He didn’t say Madeleine’s name. He didn’t have to.

24

“I’m so sorry,” Kate said. It was hardly an original response, and 25

she worried it might sound unfeeling. But Mills barely seemed to 26

hear her words.

27

“We were very close,” Mills said. His voice was slow and rhyth-28

mic, almost as if he were talking to himself. “I was her mentor, you 29

know. I hired her.”

30

“Yes,” said Kate. “I know.” As she spoke, Kate felt a tightness in 31

her chest. It was a moment before she realized that she was jealous.

32

Jealous of the young woman who had once so captivated Carter 33

Mills. Madeleine Waters was dead. Yet, her strongest emotion was ort 34

envy. What kind of person was she?

reg 35

“It’s such a waste,” Mills said, his eyes meeting Kate’s. “Such an 9858_01_003-152_r5hb.qxd 9/28/00 3:57 PM Page 95

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

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incredible tragedy and waste. Madeleine Waters was one of the 1

finest lawyers — and people — ever to enter this firm.”

2

Again, the small stab of jealousy. A wave of shame overtook her.

3

Her father’s voice floated back from the distant past. Everything’s 4

not about you, Kate. The world doesn’t revolve around you. She felt a 5

sudden determination to talk back to that voice, to show that she 6

was, after all, capable of sharing someone else’s pain.

7

“I know how you must feel,” she said. “I — when my mother 8

died — it was the hardest thing in the world for me. And even 9

then, I had time to prepare. It must be so difficult, everything hap-10

pening so fast —” She broke off midsentence. Again, she worried 11

that she’d said the wrong thing. Hadn’t she hated it when people 12

told her they knew how she felt? When secretly she’d been con-13

vinced that no one had ever felt as she did, that no one had ever 14

been so alone? But Mills seemed touched.

15

“That’s right,” he said softly. “I remember talking to you about 16

that when you interviewed with me at Harvard.”

17

He continued to look at her, with the gently penetrating gaze 18

that she recalled from their first meeting. He remembered. A slow 19

warmth melted through her body, and she felt inexplicably lighter.

20

He remembered.

21

Mills was nodding reflectively. “When a death happens so sud-22

denly, you don’t have time to . . . to say the things you would like 23

to have said. The things that you ought to have said.”

24

Kate had an odd sensation that he was pleading with her, asking 25

for reassurance. “I — I’m sure Madeleine would have understood 26

that,” she said.

27

“Perhaps.” For a moment, Mills looked almost wistful. He 28

seemed younger than he had when she walked in. Younger and 29

strangely vulnerable.

30

Kate felt herself leaning forward. Something in Mills’s expres-31

sion touched her, made her want to do something to prove her 32

concern. “If there’s anything that I can do,” she began. And then 33

stopped short. Ridiculous. After all, what could she possibly do?

34 sh

But the words seemed to call Mills back to the present. “That’s 35 re

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actually what I needed to speak with you about,” he said. His face 2

once again registered a calm authority. Kate could feel herself re-3

lax. The brief intimacy had been tantalizing but unsettling.

4

“I need your help in cataloguing the contents of Madeleine’s of-5

fice. We’re under a lot of pressure from the police. This has to be 6

done by tonight. I’ve dictated the protocol. You can get it from 7

Clara. Talk to me if you have any questions.”

8

Kate sat for a moment, stunned, her mind rapidly outlining the 9

parameters of her task.

10

“Kate?” Mills’s voice was peremptory. He was waiting for her re-11

sponse.

12

Kate quickly looked up. “I’ll get started right away,” she said.

13

14

15

In a world of open doors and soft voices, the door to Madeleine’s 16

office suite was shut tight, a tacit announcement that something 17

unusual had occurred within. Not that this was likely to come as 18

news to anyone passing by. Kate knocked three times, her knuck-19

les dully reverberating against the solid wood.

20

She heard a rustling inside, and then Carmen Rodriguez cracked 21

open the door. Kate could see that Madeleine’s former secretary 22

was not having an easy time. Carmen’s dark eyes were red, and her 23

vivid makeup had a slapdash look. Instead of her usual bright suit, 24

Carmen wore blue jeans and a yellow shirt. Her dark brown hair 25

was held back in a yellow scarf.

26

“Oh, hi,” she said flatly, opening the door to let Kate pass.

27

Inside, Carmen had already begun packing up the contents of 28

the built-in cabinets lining Madeleine’s reception area. Several 29

large cartons were piled full of folders. Nearby a stack of collapsed 30

boxes stood ready to be constructed. The tinny sound of soft rock 31

clattered from a radio somewhere.

32

“These are just old client files that I had in my drawers.” Car-33

men sounded defensive, as if she expected to be challenged.

ort 34

“Carter told me to go ahead and pack them up. I’m keeping a list.

reg 35

I haven’t touched anything in Madeleine’s office.”

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Kate nodded, searching her mind for something to say. Not only 1

had Carmen’s boss been killed, but she would also have to be reas-2

signed, which meant dealing with Samson’s notoriously inept sup-3

port staff bureaucracy, a division that often seemed to take sadistic 4

pleasure in incompatible pairings.

5

“This must be really hard on you,” Kate said. “How long had you 6

worked for Madeleine?”

7

“Five years.” Carmen looked down. Kate could tell that she was 8

trying not to cry. Even the support staff at Samson knew that tears 9

were a sign of weakness.

10

“Do you know where you’ll go now?”

11

Carmen’s eyes flashed. “I’m getting the hell out of this place,”

12

she said, her voice cracking with emotion. “Now that I’ve seen 13

how they treat people . . . I never would have believed it. Every-14

one thinks that Samson & Mills is such a fine place. Well, they can 15

have it. I’ve got a friend at Paul Weiss. She thinks she can get me a 16

job there. And even if she can’t, I’m not hanging around. I’ll move 17

in with my mother if I have to.” Her tirade ended, Carmen turned 18

back to the boxes. The look of weary defeat returned to her face.

19

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” she said. “I gave notice first thing this 20

morning.”

21

Kate watched Carmen pack, her movements sharp and birdlike.

22

The reception area was quickly assuming the impersonal air of 23

places that no longer belong to anyone in particular. In the back-24

ground, Kate was vaguely aware of the radio, of the Supremes 25

singing about how you can’t hurry love. But she was still focused 26

on Carmen’s words.

27

“I don’t understand,” Kate said finally. “What are you talking 28

about?”

29

“Chuck Thorpe,” Carmen said.

30

Kate looked at her, surprised. “What about Chuck Thorpe?” she 31

asked.

32

Carmen placed her hands on her hips. Her eyes, almost black in 33

the harsh office light, seemed to send off sparks. “They used her,”

34 sh

Carmen said. “She couldn’t stand the man. But he wouldn’t take 35 re

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1

no for an answer. Not that anyone cared. All they cared about was 2

money. Using her to keep him happy. Made her have dinner with 3

him and God knows what else. Disgusting. Finally, she stood up for 4

herself. And look what happened.”

5

“You think Thorpe had something to do with the murder?”

6

Before Kate could think, the words were out. Carmen’s head 7

snapped back to the file in her hand, her face gone blank as a plate.

8

Kate knew at once she’d moved too fast. The question had re-9

minded Carmen of what was at stake if she spoke her mind. Sam-10

son employee or not, she could hardly take on WideWorld Media.

11

“I’m not saying anything. ” Carmen’s voice had turned sullen.

12

“Look, if you have any questions about the files, I’ll be back in 13

about an hour. I’ve got some errands to run. Just be sure that no 14

one else gets into Madeleine’s office, okay?”

15

16

17

Kate chewed on a thumbnail and looked around. Madeleine’s of-18

fice was perfectly still, illumined by a clear winter light. The pol-19

ished top of her desk was almost empty. Just a phone, a small lamp, 20

and a recent issue of American Law. Her leather chair was pushed 21

back slightly, as if she’d just left the room. Kate found herself 22

thinking of a painting she’d studied in a college art history class.

23

Still Life with Lemon Peel. A bright yellow fruit nestled in a clutter 24

of silver and crystal, its peeled skin scrolling off the table’s edge.

25

You had a sense of something interrupted, as if a diner had been 26

called away. Her professor had called this painting a vanitas, a re-27

flection on the transience of life.

28

From Madeleine’s desk, Kate’s eyes drifted to the wall behind it, 29

to the photograph she’d noticed Tuesday morning. A seascape.

30

She could see why Madeleine loved this picture. There was some-31

thing mesmerizing, transporting about it. The surf slamming hard 32

against the shoreline. The impervious rocky coast. The photo 33

seemed to suggest a contest of wills, a contest with a far-from-ort 34

certain outcome. Madeleine had said the picture was taken by a reg 35

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9 9

friend. Was it a place from her past, somewhere she’d once spent 1

time? Or was she, like Kate, simply drawn to the image itself?

2

Pulling her gaze from the picture, Kate walked over to 3

Madeleine’s desk. After a moment of hesitation, she sat down.

4

Madeleine’s chair was larger than her own, larger and softer, with a 5

buttery leather cushion. The simple act of sitting there filled Kate 6

with a vague unease. She felt strangely exposed, as if she were tak-7

ing some sort of unwarranted risk. As if at any moment Madeleine 8

might appear, demanding an explanation.

9

What are you doing in my office?

10

But time was flying by. Kate tried to forget about Madeleine’s 11

murder, about the facts that had brought her here. Gingerly, she 12

reached for the handle on the top drawer of Madeleine’s desk. An 13

irrational anxiety coursed through her, as if she were an actress in 14

some B-grade movie, in search of a terrible secret. But there was 15

just the usual assortment of paper clips, pens, and rubber bands, all 16

neatly arranged in a plastic tray.

17

What Carter Mills wanted was pretty straightforward: a list and 18

description of office contents. Jennifer could type up her notes at 19

the end of the day, and the list would be on Carter’s desk by morn-20

ing. Kate closed the top drawer and moved on to a much larger 21

drawer on the desk’s left-hand side. As she’d expected, it was 22

stuffed with folders. Gathering up the first bunch — fifteen or 23

twenty files — Kate heaved them off the hanging metal rods and 24

placed them on top of the desk. On a yellow legal pad, she began 25

to jot down captions from the labels. The first few folders con-26

tained general firm materials: interoffice memoranda, time sheets, 27

general correspondence. Then came a file labeled Investments.

28

Madeleine’s personal records. Kate felt a twinge of curiosity. Noth-29

ing to do with the murder. Still, she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

30

It’s really none of your business. But she’d already opened the file.

31

The top page was a summary from a brokerage house statement.

32

Kate’s eyes scanned the sheet, looking for the bottom line. Three 33

million dollars. And that was just in this account. Kate wasn’t 34 sh

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really surprised by the amount. It went without saying that Samson 2

partners were wealthy. And three million dollars was hardly what 3

it used to be, not in an era when young investment bankers were 4

bringing home more than a million bucks a year. But there was 5

something arresting about seeing the figure in black and white.

6

Three million dollars was still a lot of money.

7

Staring at the figure, Kate felt a wave of desolation. All that ef-8

fort, all that stockpiling, and for what?

9

Vanitas, vanitas . . .

10

What had Madeleine planned to do with her savings? From the 11

firm directory, Kate recalled Madeleine’s Park Avenue address. She 12

must already own an apartment. Had she perhaps planned to retire 13

early? To collect art or antiques? To engage in some sort of philan-14

thropy? Or maybe it was simply a nest egg, put aside for a future she 15

had yet to plan. For a future she’d never have.

16

Chewing at her thumbnail, Kate felt a glint of pain. Looking 17

down, she saw that the nail was ragged, bitten down to the quick.

18

She stared at it in surprise and then examined her other fingers.

19

Without even realizing it, she’d gone back to biting her nails. She 20

hadn’t done that for years, not since that last year in law school.

21

When had she started again?

22

Kate’s eyes lingered on her right hand. On her forefinger, below 23

the bitten nail, she wore a small ruby-and-pearl ring set in gold.

24

A gift from her mother on her sixteenth birthday. Her mother.

25

That must be part of what had her so distraught. Strange she 26

hadn’t made the connection until now. Of course, it was differ-27

ent, death from natural causes versus murder. But at the time, she 28

hadn’t seen it that way. The cancer had seemed to her a murderer 29

of sorts, every bit as evil, as bent on destruction, as any human 30

killer could be.

31

It was more than five years since her mother’s death, but Kate 32

knew she hadn’t come to terms with it yet. It had happened in July, 33

the summer before her senior year at Barnard. At the time, she’d ort 34

just tried to keep busy. Funeral arrangements. Then selling the reg 35

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1 0 1

house. Once that was over, she was back in college. It was then 1

she’d decided on law school. Next came Harvard and Michael and 2

Samson & Mills. Plenty to keep her occupied.

3

Kate’s eyes returned to Madeleine’s brokerage statement. The 4

orderly records seemed an implicit rebuke. Kate thought of her 5

own haphazard files, a clutter of unopened correspondence. Once 6

a month, she received statements from the investment firm that 7

handled her mother’s estate. Once a month, she dumped them, un-8

opened, in a drawer. She couldn’t face them just yet, these 9

monthly reminders of her mother’s death.

10

Kate closed the file and pushed it aside. She reached for another 11

folder, then stopped, dropping her hand back to her lap. While she 12

couldn’t quite articulate the reasons, something about her position 13

here was making her uncomfortable. What was she doing in 14

Madeleine’s office, rifling through her papers? Madeleine had 15

never consented to her presence. And yet, here she was, privy to 16

the most intimate details of the dead woman’s affairs.

17

The more she thought about it, the stranger it seemed. What 18

had Carter Mills been thinking when he delegated this task to her?

19

He obviously thought she could be trusted, and she was grateful for 20

this confidence. Still, there was a nagging uneasiness. Was she 21

really the proper person for this role? And beyond that, what about 22

the murder investigation? Should anyone be here before the police 23

had taken stock? Carter had told her to leave everything as she 24

found it. And the office wasn’t the crime scene. It was just where 25

Madeleine had worked. Still . . .

26

Glancing at her watch, Kate saw that it was already eleven-27

thirty. As she turned to gauge her progress, her eyes encountered a 28

small, flat object lying at the bottom of the drawer, in the space 29

from which she’d taken the files. She peered closer to see what it 30

was, then picked it up. An unlabeled cassette tape. It must have 31

fallen from one of the folders that she’d removed. Damn. She 32

needed to be more careful. Maybe if she listened to the tape, she’d 33

be able to figure out where it belonged. She stuffed the cassette 34 sh

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into her purse, along with Madeleine’s black leather Filofax. These 2

smaller items she could take back to her office for review. No point 3

in hanging out in Madeleine’s office any longer than she had to.

4

Kate was moving on to the next file when the door swung open.

5

Her head snapped up and she was face to face with Martin Drescher.

6

Drescher stared at her incredulously, his eyes bulging froglike 7

from beneath bushy brows. “What are you doing here?”

8

Kate tried to stay calm. After all, she had every right to be here.

9

She was simply following instructions.

10

“Carter Mills asked me to prepare a summary of Madeleine’s 11

files,” she said, gratified to find that her voice held steady.

12

Drescher’s face had taken on the same orange-redness as his 13

hair. Even from across the room, Kate could smell stale tobacco 14

mingled with a fetid sweetness. Breath mints, perhaps?

15

“Let me make myself clear, Ms. Paine. I want you to get the hell 16

out of this office.”

17

Kate hesitated. She’d worked for Drescher, knew how quickly 18

his anger could escalate. But Mills was counting on her to get this 19

job done.

20

“Maybe I should at least call Carter,” she said, glancing toward 21

the phone on Madeleine’s desk.

22

“Ms. Paine, I said I’d take care of it,” Drescher bellowed. “Have 23

I —”

24

“Yes, of course,” Kate said quickly. She picked up her purse and 25

legal pad from Madeleine’s desk. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something 26

wrong,” she said, in a last-ditch attempt to salvage what remained 27

of the encounter.

28

Drescher gazed stonily ahead. If he heard Kate, he did not let on.

29

As Kate headed toward the door, she heard a rustle of papers.

30

Glancing back, she saw that Martin Drescher was already ab-31

sorbed, flipping rapidly through the files on Madeleine Waters’s desk.

32

w

33

Back in her office, Kate immediately picked up the phone and ort 34

called Carter Mills. Clara picked up. “He’s not in, Kate. Is there reg 35

anything I can do?”

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“I . . . if you can just tell him I called. Do you know when he’ll 1

be back?”

2

“He didn’t say. I’d guess within the hour, though. I don’t see any-3

thing on his calendar.”

4

Kate hung up. Where should she go from here? When in doubt, 5

make a list. Reaching in her purse for a pen, her fingers closed on 6

an unfamiliar object. She pulled it out, to see what it was.

7

The cassette tape from Madeleine’s desk.

8

And with it, Madeleine’s date book.

9

Kate bit her lip. In her haste to get out of Madeleine’s office, 10

she’d forgotten about the objects she’d pocketed for later review.

11

It is critical to the investigation that you leave everything just as you 12

found it. That’s what Mills’s protocol said. She considered re-13

turning the objects now, before they could be missed. But that 14

wouldn’t work. Drescher was probably still there. She’d have 15

to wait. If she was lucky, she could get Carmen to slip the items 16

back into Madeleine’s desk before anyone knew they were gone.

17

Until then, she might as well see what she had. If Mills coun-18

tered Martin Drescher’s directive, she’d have to make up for the 19

lost time.

20

Kate opened the cover of Madeleine’s Filofax. The first section 21

of the book contained a calendar of the week-at-a-glance variety.

22

Three days on one page, four on the adjacent leaf, with Saturday 23

and Sunday squished into a single tiny block. Madeleine had al-24

ready swapped out last year’s pages. The calendar seemed to be de-25

voted to private matters. Madeleine must have used this book as a 26

personal reminder, a supplement to some more comprehensive cal-27

endar that she probably kept on her office PC.

28

Kate scanned the few entries before Madeleine’s death, noted in 29

a small, precise hand. A haircut at Louis Licari. An alumni event 30

at Columbia. An appointment with a personal trainer from the 31

Madison Square Club. Then she came to January 5, the day Mad-32

eleine was killed. A single penciled notation. Dinner with Chuck 33

Thorpe. Ormond. 8 p.m. Kate stared at the entry as Thorpe’s face 34 sh

rose up in her mind. She recalled the smile he’d flashed her across 35 re

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the conference table, rife with animal cunning. She thought of 2

Carmen Rodriguez’s bitter words. Made her have dinner with him and 3

God knows what else. Was it just a coincidence that Madeleine had 4

dinner plans with Thorpe on the same night that she was killed?

5

On Wednesday, Thorpe had seemed truly angry, furious that he’d 6

been stood up. But could the whole thing have been an act?

7

Kate examined another few pages. Appointments that Mad-8

eleine would never keep. She found herself thinking about a 9

childhood friend. Julia, that was her name, had come up with the 10

concept of a death day. “Just like each year you have a birthday.

11

Each year, there’s the day that someday you’ll die. You just don’t 12

know what that day is.” That was back in the fifth grade. But the 13

idea had exerted a morbid fascination, and Kate had never forgot-14

ten it.

15

The notations for the days after Madeleine’s death were few and 16

far between. On January 24, she’d planned to have dinner with 17

SH. Kate paused for a moment, but the initials didn’t strike a bell.

18

On the following Thursday, she’d scheduled dinner with MD. Mar-19

tin Drescher? Turning back, Kate glanced at the days preceding 20

Madeleine’s death. Two dinners with MD, within a few days of 21

each other.

22

A sharp knock on the half-open office door. Before Kate could 23

respond, Carmen Rodriguez stormed into the room. From her rapid 24

breathing, Kate could tell that Carmen was upset.

25

“Martin Drescher was in Madeleine’s office when I got back.”

26

Carmen glared at Kate.

27

Kate raised her hands, in a show of helplessness. “Look, I’m 28

really sorry, but he just kicked me out. There wasn’t anything I 29

could do. When I talk to Carter, I’ll tell him it wasn’t your fault.”

30

Carmen’s features relaxed slightly. “When he left, he took a 31

file,” she said, her voice calmer than at first. “I tried to stop him. I 32

told him that Carter wanted everything accounted for. Everything 33

left like it was. But he ignored me. He wouldn’t even tell me what ort 34

he took.”

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“Oh, great.” Kate rubbed her forehead. She could really use a 1

massage. Then, looking back at Carmen, she tried to muster a 2

smile. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll definitely let Carter know.”

3

“Okay, then.” Carmen left the room.

4

Kate looked back at the book on her desk. She quickly flipped 5

through the address portion of the date book — entirely free of en-6

tries — and then the memo and budget sections. Again, nothing.

7

Her review complete, Kate snapped closed the leather flap and 8

stowed the book in the top right-hand drawer of her desk.

9

Next came the cassette. Because the tape was unlabeled, she 10

couldn’t tell which side was first. Kate turned to a portable tape 11

player on the window ledge behind her desk. She opened the cas-12

sette compartment, flipped out a Cranberries tape, and snapped in 13

Madeleine’s tape. Then she pressed Play.

14

She’d just begun an ineffectual search for the case belonging to 15

the Cranberries cassette — why were those little plastic boxes so 16

hard to keep track of? — when a male voice broke the room’s si-17

lence. Turning up the sound she could just make out the muffled 18

end of a sentence, “— good time.” Then a woman’s voice, still 19

fainter and hard to understand. Kate caught the words “end of my 20

rope” and “can’t make me” — the last phrase uttered in a defiant 21

tone. And then the male voice again: “You think Ron can’t get any 22

girl he wants? You should be flattered.”

23

With a start, Kate realized that the male voice belonged to 24

Chuck Thorpe. She lowered her ear closer to the cassette player.

25

The woman’s response was incomprehensible, though there was no 26

mistaking her agitation. The next words that Kate could make out 27

were Thorpe’s. “I’m counting on you, baby. If you get my drift.”

28

This pronouncement was followed by footsteps and the sound of a 29

slamming door. A moment later, Kate heard a muffled click. Then 30

she was left with dead air.

31

She listened for a few moments more before fast forwarding to 32

see if the recording resumed. There didn’t seem to be anything 33

more. Kate turned off the recorder. What she seemed to have 34 sh

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1

stumbled on was a recording of Chuck Thorpe putting the screws 2

on someone. Could it be Madeleine? But even with the fuzziness of 3

the recording, she’d detected a nasal twang to the woman’s voice, 4

nothing like Madeleine’s uninflected speech. Besides, Kate simply 5

couldn’t imagine Madeleine subjecting herself to this sort of abuse.

6

No, it must be someone vulnerable to Thorpe, someone over 7

whom he exercised power.

8

Kate rewound the tape and played it back. You think Ron can’t get 9

any girl he wants? You should be flattered. Ron. She recognized the 10

name from the draft complaint. Ron Fogarty. The music executive 11

who had figured in Friedman’s allegations. Essentially, she’d 12

claimed that Thorpe had acted as Fogarty’s pimp, coercing female 13

employees to have sex with him. Could the woman on the tape be 14

Stephanie Friedman? Or one of the other women?

15

It seemed to fit.

16

Revulsion flooded over Kate, and she had to struggle to stay 17

clearheaded. “You’re a lawyer, ” she told herself. “Lawyers defend 18

their clients. ” Besides, she didn’t know anything for sure yet.

19

Only one thing was clear: if the recording was what it sounded 20

like, it could be disastrous to Thorpe’s defense. Within weeks, 21

Stephanie Friedman’s lawyers would be starting discovery. If this 22

cassette fell within the scope of their requests — as it undoubtedly 23

would — the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure would require that 24

Samson hand it over. No one would relish the prospect of trial 25

with this sort of ammunition in an opponent’s hands.

26

Where in the hell was Carter Mills?

27

As if on cue, the telephone rang. Kate grabbed the receiver but 28

instead of Mills’s sonorous tones, she heard a woman’s unfamiliar 29

voice.

30

“Ms. Paine? I’m Cathy Valencia, a detective with the New York 31

Police Department. I’m calling about our investigation of Mad-32

eleine Waters’s death. I understand that you were working with 33

Ms. Waters at the time she died.”

ort 34

“I . . . I’d just started.”

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“Right. I have a few questions for you. Would now be a conven-1

ient time?”

2

Kate froze. She’d expected this moment to come, but she’d as-3

sumed she’d have time to prepare. To plan what she wanted to say.

4

“Ms. Paine?”

5

“Yes.” Kate was thinking quickly. “I’m not sure that now is such 6

a good time. I’m in the middle of —”

7

“It won’t take long,” Valencia said smoothly.

8

“Well . . . , okay.” Kate didn’t know what else to say.

9

“Thank you, Ms. Paine. I’ll be right on up.”

10

11

12

Kate ejected the cassette and stuck it in her desk along with 13

Madeleine’s Filofax. Closing the drawer, she heard a knock. “Come 14

in,” she called. The door swung open.

15

Looking up, Kate saw two people. One, an athletically built 16

Hispanic woman, she assumed to be Detective Valencia. The other 17

was Dave Bosch, one of Samson’s newest litigation partners.

18

Bosch, a wiry figure in his mid-thirties, had done a two-year stint 19

in the U.S. Attorney’s office before returning to Samson & Mills.

20

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced,” Bosch said, ex-21

tending a thin, dry hand. “I’m Dave Bosch. And this” — he ges-22

tured to the woman beside him — “is Cathy Valencia. Detective 23

Valencia is with the police department. She’d like to ask you a few 24

questions about Madeleine Waters.”

25

“Of course,” Kate said. As Valencia reached out her hand, Kate 26

glimpsed the policewoman’s neat manicure, nails filed square and 27

coated in a clear polish. Kate felt a twinge of embarrassment at her 28

own bitten nails and quickly released the handshake.

29

Valencia was simply dressed in a navy blue pants suit with brass 30

buttons. She had an attractive face, with clear olive skin, wide-set 31

brown eyes, and a generous mouth. Her thick dark hair was pulled 32

back with a clip. She had an air of confident directness.

33

“Shall we sit down?” Bosch said.

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Kate returned to her desk, while Bosch and Valencia settled into 2

the two chairs facing her. While Bosch’s presence had caught Kate 3

off guard, it wasn’t hard to figure out why he was here. The last 4

thing the firm’s partners wanted was to have employees privately 5

venting grievances and crackpot theories to the NYPD. And while 6

ultimately no one could stop them, a partner’s presence could be a 7

strong deterrent, reminding them who signed their paychecks.

8

“I won’t take too much of your time,” Valencia said. She pulled 9

a steno pad from the outside compartment of a brown leather purse 10

and quickly elicited the basics — Kate’s address, phone numbers, 11

length of employment — before moving on to the subject of Mad-12

eleine.

13

“I understand that you had a meeting with Ms. Waters the day 14

she was killed. Can you describe that meeting for me?”

15

Kate paused, wondering how forthcoming she should be. She 16

thought of the cassette tape and date book now stashed in her 17

desk. She was in an awkward position, having removed these items 18

despite Mills’s instructions to leave everything just as it was. Be-19

sides, did Valencia even know that she’d been asked to catalogue 20

Madeleine’s office? Did she know about Madeleine’s aborted date 21

with Chuck Thorpe? And if not, was she the one to raise these 22

points? In the end, Kate decided to answer only the questions that 23

were asked. She could always elaborate later.

24

“The meeting concerned a case I’d just been assigned to,” Kate 25

began. “Madeleine wanted to talk to me about a research project.

26

Basically, I just updated her on how it was going. She . . . she gave 27

me a book to read, something to do with the case. We didn’t meet 28

very long. She had to cut it short. The managing partner called 29

and needed to see her.”

30

“That would be Carter Mills?”

31

“Yes.”

32

Valencia jotted a note. “Did anything strike you as unusual? Did 33

Ms. Waters seem upset or out of sorts at all?”

ort 34

Memories flowed through Kate’s mind: Madeleine and Carter’s reg 35

sharp words the previous day over the conflict-of-interest issue.

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And then on Tuesday, Madeleine’s glittering eyes, the strange 1

warning spoken just before her death. You need to be very careful.

2

But she needed to keep her feet on the ground, to be ruled by rea-3

son not emotion. Unsettling as these exchanges were, she had no 4

logical reason to think they were linked to Madeleine’s murder.

5

“She seemed fine,” Kate said carefully. “I mean, I’d never met 6

with her before, so I can’t make any comparisons. But from what I 7

could tell, everything was fine.”

8

“Did she seem at all anxious, upset?”

9

“Not that I noticed. Maybe a little tired, but that’s all I remem-10

ber.”

11

“Is there anything that you’ve seen or heard that you think 12

could be related to Ms. Waters’s murder? Anything that might give 13

us some insight into who might have wanted her dead?”

14

Fleetingly, Kate thought of the hours she’d just spent in 15

Madeleine’s office. Of the calendar entry showing Madeleine’s 16

planned dinner with Chuck Thorpe. Of Drescher’s impassioned 17

search of Madeleine’s desk. She could feel David Bosch watching 18

her.

19

“No,” Kate said. “Nothing at all.”

20

“Is there anything you think I should know? Anything I haven’t 21

touched on that you think might be important?”

22

Kate shook her head, careful not to betray her uneasiness. Was 23

she wrong not to mention the issues on her mind? Right now, she 24

couldn’t be sure.

25

“Is it necessarily someone she knew?” Kate said. “I’d been as-26

suming it must have been random.”

27

Valencia sidestepped the question. “We have to consider all the 28

possibilities,” she said.

29

Then the policewoman was closing her notebook and stuffing it 30

back into her purse. When she stood up Kate noticed that her navy 31

pants were free of wrinkles. Reaching across Kate’s desk, Valencia 32

handed her a card. “Here’s where you can reach me,” she said. “In 33

case you think of anything else.”

34 sh

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Picking up her fork, Cathy Valencia surveyed her large salad: ice-2

berg lettuce, hard wedges of pale pink tomato, a few strips of green 3

pepper. A squeeze of lemon in place of dressing. Across the table, 4

Mike Glaser was wolfing down a platter of spaghetti and meatballs.

5

“That the family size?” Valencia asked. They were seated in a 6

booth at the bustling Friendly Diner. Just two blocks from Samson 7

& Mills, it felt like a different world.

8

Glaser gave his bark of a laugh. “Hey, nobody’s making you 9

starve yourself. Get yourself a real lunch. How you gonna get 10

through the afternoon on that rabbit food?”

11

He had a point. The morning had been hectic, and the rest of 12

the day was shaping up to be at least as crazy. But that couldn’t stop 13

Glaser from enjoying his lunch. This was a man who liked food.

14

Not that it showed. Glaser could eat anything in sight without 15

gaining an ounce. His moonlike face was deceptive; from the neck 16

down he had the body of a twenty-five-year-old. Valencia bet he 17

didn’t weigh a pound more than he had some twenty years back, 18

when he got out of the Police Academy. She, however, had only to 19

look at a piece of pastry in order to gain five pounds. Come to 20

think of it, she’d probably put on at least that much just watching 21

Glaser eat today.

22

Valencia’s eyes followed Glaser’s movements as he spooled up 23

another forkful of pasta. A veteran detective with the Manhattan 24

South Homicide Task Force, Glaser was the best investigator she’d 25

encountered in her two-plus years as a homicide detective in the 26

thirteenth precinct. They’d worked together once before on a con-27

tract killing. At first, Glaser had struck Valencia as a traditional 28

guy, someone who’d question whether women should be cops at 29

all, let alone homicide detectives. But she’d been wrong. With five 30

daughters and an outspoken working wife, Glaser was more of a 31

feminist than she was. She’d been amazed at how well their styles 32

meshed. When she’d been assigned to the Waters case, Valencia 33

had immediately called Manhattan South to ask for Glaser’s assis-ort 34

tance.

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Glaser looked up from his plate. “So where do we stand?” he 1

asked.

2

“Pretty much where we did when we split up this morning.”

3

Early in the day, there’d been a brief surge of exhilaration. From 4

Waters’s secretary — who, Valencia wryly thought, was the only 5

other dark-skinned person she’d seen all day — they’d learned 6

about a male caller who’d rescheduled Waters’s date with Chuck 7

Thorpe. It had been a huge break, evidence that the murder had 8

been planned by someone with access to Waters’s schedule. But 9

from there the trail had cooled. The call had come from a stolen 10

cell phone whose owner, one Mr. Philip Schneider, came complete 11

with an alibi. Except for what he’d seen on the news, he’d never 12

heard of Madeleine Waters. Of course, they’d follow up on the 13

lead. But Valencia wasn’t holding her breath.

14

So far, what they knew was this: Waters had been picked up by 15

her car service at six-thirty sharp. About twenty-five minutes later, 16

she’d been deposited at Ormond. Valencia had spoken to the 17

restaurant’s maître d’, who recognized Madeleine from a snapshot.

18

“Great-looking woman,” he said. “Was she some sort of a model?”

19

Yet hard as Valencia pressed, he couldn’t add anything more. He 20

didn’t remember if Waters had been alone or if there’d been some-21

one waiting to meet her. He did confirm that there were two sepa-22

rate reservations in the name of Thorpe, the first for a C. Thorpe 23

at seven, the second for a Chuck Thorpe at eight. Both reserva-24

tions were for two.

25

The waitress who’d handled the seven o’clock table was equally 26

vague in her responses. “It was real busy that night, you know?”

27

She did remember a couple who’d left around seven, shortly after 28

arriving. The woman had been sick, she thought. But that was all 29

she could offer. Looking at a snapshot of Madeleine, she wasn’t 30

even sure that this was the woman she’d seen. And she could give 31

no description at all of the man. “Could this be the guy?” Valencia 32

asked, showing her a picture of Chuck Thorpe. The waitress had 33

stared at it, undecided. “Maybe,” she said. “He does look familiar.

34 sh

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1

But I really couldn’t be sure.” Valencia had put in calls to other 2

diners who’d been seated in the vicinity that night, but she wasn’t 3

too optimistic. In her experience, fashionable New Yorkers had lit-4

tle interest in anyone of noncelebrity status. Other than them-5

selves, that is.

6

While she’d been busy at Ormond, Glaser had met up with 7

Thorpe. Valencia had half-hoped that Thorpe might prove to be a 8

viable suspect. She’d had a preexisting dislike for the man, based 9

on what she’d heard on the news. But Thorpe had been at a staff 10

meeting until quarter of eight, throwing a screaming fit. That 11

didn’t rule him out, of course. He could have hired someone to do 12

the job. Still, her instincts told her that they hadn’t yet found the 13

culprit.

14

“So what next?” Valencia said.

15

“That’s not really up to us, is it?” There was an edge to Glaser’s 16

voice. He was ticked off that they hadn’t gotten access to the vic-17

tim’s office yet.

18

“We’ll get in tomorrow,” Valencia said. “Mills said they need to 19

go through her papers. They have to think about clients and all.”

20

It was a pattern they’d fallen into, one of them assuming a low-key 21

posture when the other was blowing off steam.

22

“Yeah, well maybe they should think about the fact that a 23

woman is dead. Maybe they should give that some thought.”

24

“It’s not worth the hassle, getting a warrant.” Valencia pushed 25

away her half-eaten salad. She’d have a candy bar this afternoon 26

for sure. “Why get them all riled up? Besides, whatever they want 27

to do to that office, they’ve already had time to do it.”

28

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Glaser said.

29

“We told them to leave everything in place, just as she left it.

30

That’s really all we can do.”

31

“Yeah,” Glaser said again. He glanced wistfully at his empty 32

plate as if looking for another meatball.

33

“I didn’t get much from that associate I talked to after you left,”

ort 34

Valencia said. “She was one of the last people at the firm to see the reg 35

vic. But she said it was all just business. Nothing unusual.”

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“They still got that Bosch jerk following you around?”

1

“What do you think?”

2

Glaser shook his head. “Piece of work, that guy. Think he works 3

at being a prick or was he born like that?”

4

Valencia ignored the comment. “I gave her my card. In case she 5

wants to talk to me alone.”

6

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll be burning up the phone lines.” Glaser’s 7

voice was heavily sarcastic. “Still nothing from the lab?”

8

“I checked back with Bartlett this afternoon,” Valencia said.

9

“They just don’t have much to work with. No semen at the scene.

10

No blood except for the vic’s. No saliva. Nothing useful from the 11

swabs and smears. Whoever he was, he cleaned up good.”

12

“So we’re still pretty much at ground zero.”

13

“I’ve got more interviews lined up for this afternoon. Some of 14

the other lawyers she worked with. How about you? Any word on 15

the ex-husband?”

16

“Tracked him down this morning. His name’s Sam Howell.

17

Lives in Sag Harbor. He was having dinner with friends in Bridge-18

hampton the night she was killed.”

19

“The alibi checks out?” Valencia asked.

20

“For what that’s worth.”

21

“How did he describe the relationship?”

22

“Says Mills broke up the marriage. After that he and Madeleine 23

didn’t talk for years. But they’d recently gotten back in touch. She 24

wrote him a letter last month. He’s sending us a copy by overnight 25

mail. Claims it shows she was scared of Mills.”

26

“Scared? Of Mills?” Valencia was suddenly alert.

27

Glaser shook his head. “It just doesn’t sit right with me. The job 28

was too messy for someone like Mills. And think about it. Howell 29

was jilted. Mills stole the woman he loved. How rational d’you ex-30

pect him to be?”

31

“But we’re getting the letter?”

32

“We’re getting the letter.” Glaser stretched back, arching his 33

arms overhead and then sat up again. “You ask me, I think we 34 sh

should focus on the law firm. Clients, partners, anyone she worked 35 re

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with. Hell, they’re the only ones who saw her enough to get pissed 2

off. You saw her apartment. It was like a hotel suite. Immaculate.

3

Nothing in the refrigerator.”

4

Valencia rubbed her upper lip. She noticed the beginnings of a 5

hangnail and made a mental note to trim it once she got home.

6

She found herself thinking about the sleek young woman she’d in-7

terviewed right before lunch. Kate Paine, that was her name. Ele-8

gant clothes, luxurious office, and yet Valencia had sensed a 9

certain sadness.

10

“I feel sort of sorry for the lawyers over there. The young ones, I 11

mean,” Valencia said.

12

Glaser shot her a strange look. “Sorry for them? What are 13

you talking about? I’ll bet those kids make double what we do.

14

Maybe more. And right after they leave school. They get to a 15

place like that, they’ve got it made. No one’s forcing them to work 16

there. You want the big bucks, you gotta put in the hours. That’s the 17

trade-off.”

18

Valencia picked up a fork and toyed with the remains of her 19

salad. Somewhere behind her, in the kitchen perhaps, a glass shat-20

tered on the floor.

21

“She has the same name as me,” Valencia said.

22

“Huh?”

23

“The lawyer I talked to before lunch. Her name’s Kate. That’s 24

short for Catherine. She spells it with a ‘K,’ though.”

25

“Um.” Glaser made no effort to conceal his lack of interest. He 26

wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up. “You ’bout ready, 27

Cath?” he said.

28

w

29

It was almost one. Kate was waiting for Mills to call her back.

30

With Carmen’s help she’d managed to restore Madeleine’s Filofax 31

to its proper place, but she hadn’t mentioned the cassette. It re-32

mained stashed in her desk, waiting for Mills’s review.

33

Jennifer popped her head in the door. “Want anything from up-ort 34

stairs?”

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nifer to get her some food when the phone began to ring. From the 1

LCD display she saw it was Mills.

2

“No thanks,” Kate said hastily.

3

Jennifer left the room.

4

“Hi, Carter,” Kate said. Just two short words but already she 5

sounded anxious. “I found something in Madeleine’s office that I 6

think you should know about. It’s a cassette tape. A recording of 7

Chuck Thorpe laying into some woman. Maybe Stephanie Fried-8

man. I think you should hear it.”

9

There was a rustling sound and then a click, as Mills turned off 10

the speakerphone and picked up the receiver. “What is it, exactly?”

11

Kate glanced at her notes. “The recording’s fuzzy. It’s hard to 12

make out all the words. But at one point, Thorpe says, ‘You think 13

Ron can’t get any girl he wants? You should be flattered.’ It sounds 14

like he’s talking about Ron Fogarty. In the complaint it’s alleged 15

that —”

16

“Right,” Mills said, cutting off the explanation. “What else?”

17

“Well . . . , at the end, Thorpe says, ‘I’m counting on you, baby.

18

If you get my drift.’ ” The words felt peculiar in her mouth.

19

“Anything else?”

20

“That’s pretty much it,” Kate said. “The rest of the tape’s blank.”

21

“I see,” Mills said. He sounded thoughtful, disinterested. “Well, 22

it’s hard to know what it means. This was in Madeleine’s desk?”

23

“Right. In a file drawer.”

24

There was a long pause. “I wouldn’t worry too much about this,”

25

Mills said finally. “From what you’re telling me, there’s not a whole 26

lot there. But you’re right. I should hear it. Ask Clara to set up a 27

time.”

28

“Okay,” Kate said, making an effort to conceal her surprise. Not 29

a whole lot there. What did Mills hear, or fail to hear? What was she 30

missing?

31

“There’s one more thing. I was just getting started in Made-32

leine’s office when Martin Drescher showed up and told me to stop.

33

He seemed . . . really upset for some reason.”

34 sh

Mills exhaled audibly. “I just got off the phone with Martin,” he 35 re

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said. “Listen, why don’t you hold off for now? Martin seems to want 2

a partner to handle the job. Personally, I don’t see the point. But 3

it’s not worth a fight. I’ll see if we can bring in Dave Bosch.”

4

“Dave Bosch. He was just in my office,” Kate said. “A detective 5

wanted to ask me a few questions about Madeleine. He sat in on 6

the interview.”

7

“Right, right,” Mills said. “I meant to tell you they’d be by. The 8

investigators are talking to everyone who had recent dealings with 9

Madeleine. It all went smoothly?”

10

“I was happy to help. Not that I could really . . .” Kate let the 11

sentence trail off.

12

“We do appreciate it. Anything else?” Mills’s voice was once 13

again distant. Kate could tell he was eager to end the conversation.

14

“No, that’s all,” she said hurriedly.

15

“Good,” Mills said. “Oh, Kate, there is one more thing. I’ll need 16

you at WideWorld tomorrow for a witness interview. A woman by 17

the name of Morris.”

18

“She was a friend of Steph — of Friedman’s?”

19

“Right. Arrange for a car. The meeting is set for two. Thanks so 20

much.”

21

Before Kate could respond, she heard a click. Carter Mills had 22

hung up the phone.

23

24

25

The phone rang just before four. Josie was on time today. Waiting 26

for the girl to make it upstairs, Kate rehearsed in her mind what 27

she’d say. She had to appear sympathetic; that was the important 28

thing. Already, she felt slightly uncomfortable with the role she’d 29

agreed to take on. The beneficent white adviser to a young black 30

girl who faced challenges she couldn’t imagine. Her own privileges 31

seemed almost ludicrous, embarrassing in their profusion. What 32

did she know about Josie’s life? Why should Josie listen to her?

33

Still, she wanted to help. And to do that, she needed some an-ort 34

swers.

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A timid knock on the door. “Come in,” Kate called.

1

The door opened, but Josie stayed put. In her black North Face 2

parka and baggy jeans, she hovered at the threshold as if hoping to 3

be dismissed. Her eyes shifted to Kate’s for a short moment and 4

then returned to the floor.

5

“Josie!” Kate’s voice was artificially cheerful. “Come on in, have 6

a seat.” Josie edged into the office and looked around briefly before 7

dropping into a chair.

8

“How about a chocolate chip cookie?” Kate asked.

9

Josie shrugged. “Okay.”

10

Kate handed Josie a large cellophane-wrapped cookie acquired 11

earlier in the day at the firm cafeteria. “Something to drink?”

12

“I guess . . . maybe a Diet Coke.”

13

As Kate headed down the hallway, she thought about the con-14

trast between the Josie who faced her today and the Josie of just a 15

few months back. When they’d first started meeting, Josie could 16

barely contain her excitement at being at Samson & Mills. It was, 17

she’d confided to Kate, like something on TV, and she’d made 18

breathless inquiries about every aspect of the place. Where Kate 19

ate lunch. Who made the coffee. Where the secretaries had gone 20

to school.

21

“You could work somewhere like this,” Kate had told her. “And 22

not as a secretary, either. In ten years, you could be doing what I’m 23

doing. Although I should warn you, it’s not as glamorous as it 24

looks.”

25

Josie had given her a skeptical look, as if doubtful that Kate’s life 26

could be less than perfect, doubtful that she could ever dream of 27

holding Kate’s job. Kate hoped that both ideas would grow on her 28

with time.

29

Back from the vending machine, Kate handed Josie her drink 30

and sat down next to her. It seemed less formal than speaking from 31

behind a desk.

32

“How were your holidays?” Kate asked.

33

“Okay.” Josie’s eyes focused on her cookie.

34 sh

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Kate bit her lip. “Josie, I can tell that something’s wrong,” she 2

said. “What is it?”

3

“Nothing’s wrong.” Josie didn’t look up.

4

Kate tried another tactic. “You missed our last meeting before 5

the holidays,” she said, making her voice as gentle as possible.

6

“Were you sick?”

7

“No,” said Josie. Her voice was low.

8

Kate looked at her questioningly. “Were you —”

9

“It was my mom,” Josie interrupted. “My mom’s been a little sick 10

so I’ve been helping out with the other kids. That’s all.” Kate knew 11

that Josie had two much younger siblings, eight-year-old Freddy 12

and five-year-old Shari. She’d never mentioned her father, and 13

Kate hadn’t asked.

14

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Kate said. “Is she all right now?”

15

“She’s . . . she’s better. She’s going to be okay,” Josie said.

16

“I’m glad that she’s better,” Kate said. “But what about you? You 17

look really tired. ”

18

“A little,” Josie said grudgingly. “Freddy had bad dreams last 19

night, and he kept waking me up. The kids are just at that age.”

20

“I know you’ve got a lot going on,” Kate said. “But I don’t want 21

you to shortchange yourself. You have so much potential. Your 22

PSAT scores were really strong. I know that you can get into a 23

good college. I can help you get there. There are scholarships, 24

grants — all sorts of things. But I can’t help you if you’re not here.

25

I know that your family’s important, but you’re important, too. Do 26

you understand what I’m saying?”

27

For a moment, Kate thought she detected a spark in Josie’s eyes.

28

Then Josie looked down again, kicking her feet against the bottom 29

rung of her chair. “I guess so,” she mumbled. She didn’t sound con-30

vinced.

31

“I want you to promise me that you’ll do everything you can to 32

make our meetings,” Kate said. She took a deep breath. “Some-33

thing really bad happened last night. I found out that one of the ort 34

partners I work for here was killed, murdered. But I still wanted to reg 35

meet with you today, because I know it’s important.”

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“Someone that works here was murdered? ” Josie said. The rhyth-1

mic back-and-forth movement of her feet stopped, and she stared 2

at Kate wide-eyed.

3

“Yes. A lawyer. Her name was Madeleine Waters.”

4

“Man, I just can’t picture someone who works here being 5

killed,” Josie said, her voice softly awestruck.

6

Andrea had made the same point, in the same disbelieving tone.

7

That both Andrea and Josie could share this point of view was a 8

stark reminder of life’s unfairness. Josie lived in one of the city’s pub-9

lic housing projects. Kate suspected that by age sixteen Josie had 10

seen more violent death than she or Andrea would see in their life-11

times. Still, Josie shared their astonishment that Samson & Mills 12

could be touched in this way. She seemed to accept without ques-13

tion the fact that life accorded some people — Kate, for example —

14

protections that she herself had been denied at birth. Or perhaps it 15

was something else. Perhaps Josie’s response stemmed from a basic 16

human yearning. Perhaps everyone needed to believe that there 17

existed, somewhere, a place that was absolutely safe and secure. In-18

violate. To Josie, Samson & Mills had represented that place.

19

As it had to Kate herself, until last night.

20

“I’ll try to make it,” Josie said. “Sometimes it’s hard, though . . .”

21

Josie’s voice faded off.

22

Kate still felt uneasy, as if she’d failed to reach Josie in some ba-23

sic way. But she’d pushed enough for one day.

24

Kate smiled. “I guess that’s all I can ask,” she said. “That you try 25

as hard as you can.”

26

27

28

It was already after ten, and the firm had fallen silent. Kate looked 29

up from the legal opinion that had absorbed her attention for the 30

past half hour and wondered why she had no recollection at all of 31

what she’d read. It wasn’t uncommon for Samson & Mills to be in 32

full gear at this hour, with paralegals, secretaries, and attorneys in 33

a frenzy to meet some early-morning deadline. But not tonight.

34 sh

From the sound of things, she was alone.

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Kate leaned back in her chair, trying to decide whether to stick 2

around for another hour or to finish her reading at home. Home was 3

more comfortable but also more risky, with the seductions of sleep 4

looming all too accessibly in the foreground. Still, what was the 5

point? No one was around to appreciate her late-night industry.

6

She’d just decided to call it quits when a thought shot through 7

her mind. In all the excitement over the Thorpe cassette, she’d en-8

tirely forgotten about her talk with Carmen. She hadn’t said a 9

word to Mills about the file Drescher had taken from Madeleine’s 10

office. Damn.

11

Of course it was too late now. Partners did not make a habit of 12

burning the midnight oil. Kate made a quick note in her desk cal-13

endar in capital letters — TALK TO CM ABOUT FILE — and 14

then sat back in her chair. For some reason, she was feeling guilty.

15

As if she should have stopped Martin Drescher. Though, really, 16

what could she have done? Drescher was a partner. She was a ju-17

nior associate. Still, Mills had trusted her to see that everything 18

was left as it was. Irrational though it was, she felt as though she’d 19

let him down.

20

For some time, the feeling bore down on her, a weight pressed 21

against her heart. Then she had a sudden idea. Drescher, like Mills, 22

was undoubtedly gone for the day. Why couldn’t she just slip into 23

his office, take a quick look around? It would take a few minutes at 24

most. Unless Drescher had taken the file with him, there was a 25

pretty good chance she’d find it on his desk. That way she’d at least 26

know what he’d taken and could pass on the information to Mills.

27

She wouldn’t really be doing anything wrong. Even if someone saw 28

her, a cleaning woman perhaps, she could simply explain that she 29

was looking for a document she needed. She wouldn’t even have to 30

lie. She just wouldn’t tell all of the truth.

31

Minutes later, Kate stepped out of the elevator onto the fifty-32

seventh floor. Just as she’d expected, she’d yet to see another per-33

son. The corridor was tomblike, office doors closed and locked.

ort 34

Kate stopped at the door to Drescher’s corner suite, and quickly reg 35

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surveyed the scene. Still no one. She turned back to the door. The 1

knob turned easily in her grasp.

2

She stepped into Drescher’s reception area, closing the door be-3

hind her. The corner suites were all laid out according to the same 4

plan, and Kate knew that Drescher’s private office was behind the 5

closed door she was facing. It was probably locked tight, in which 6

case she’d just go back downstairs. But when she turned the knob, 7

the door swung open.

8

Quickly, she proceeded to Drescher’s desk. But except for a blot-9

ter, a telephone, and a paperweight, its polished wood surface was 10

empty. She’d planned to leave at this point, if the file wasn’t in 11

plain view. But now that she was here, something pushed her on.

12

She tried the top two desk drawers. Locked. The bottom two were 13

locked as well. She plopped into Drescher’s leather chair and con-14

sidered where to look next. Against the far wall, her eyes lit on a 15

bookcase with cupboards at the bottom, and she was instantly on 16

her feet again.

17

Back across the room, Kate opened the right cupboard door and 18

there, on top of a stack of papers, she saw a file folder labeled in the 19

neat printing she recognized from Madeleine’s date book: Billing 20

Records. Kate pulled out the contents of the file and rifled through 21

the slim stack of papers. Then she stopped, puzzled. What the file 22

seemed to contain was a collection of duplicate WideWorld bills 23

signed by Carter Mills. This sort of information was readily acces-24

sible from Accounting. So why had Drescher been so hot to get it 25

from Madeleine’s files? And what was it doing in Madeleine’s desk 26

in the first place?

27

Kate was just mulling over these questions when she heard the 28

sound of muffled voices from the reception area. Not the lilting 29

Spanish and Italian accents of the female cleaning crew, but low 30

men’s voices. One of which sounded like Drescher’s.

31

Kate felt her blood go cold. The possibility that Drescher him-32

self might return at this hour was something she hadn’t even con-33

sidered.

34 sh

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In a flurry of activity, Kate closed the cupboard door, turned off 2

the light — thank God partners’ offices were spared the automatic 3

lighting system — and raced across the room. Pushing back the 4

chair, Kate squeezed herself into the cubbyhole space under 5

Drescher’s desk. She’d just pulled the desk chair back behind her 6

when she heard the door swing open. A wedge of light fell across 7

the room. Then a click and the whole room was bright as day.

8

“Have a seat.” She’d been right; the voice really was Martin 9

Drescher’s.

10

Kate heard the faint sound of bodies settling into upholstered 11

seats. As her brain sought to organize the information she’d re-12

ceived, Kate realized that she’d made a terrible choice. After all, 13

she might have been able to explain her simple presence in 14

Drescher’s office. Say, a file needing immediate attention that 15

someone in the managing clerk’s office had thought Drescher 16

might have. But how could she possibly explain her presence be-17

neath his desk? Her situation was ridiculous, absurd. If she’d seen it 18

in a movie, she would have rolled her eyes. Things like this didn’t 19

happen in real life. Certainly not in hers.

20

And yet, here she was.

21

Curled in a fetal position, her head smashed against the top of 22

the desk, her legs crushed against her chest, Kate desperately tried 23

to come up with a story. Then she felt a renewed burst of hopeless-24

ness.

25

Clutched in her right hand was Madeleine’s file.

26

“What the hell were you thinking, Martin? Why the hell did 27

you tell McCarty?” To her astonishment, Kate recognized that this 28

second voice, brusque and commanding, belonged to Carter Mills.

29

“I’ve told you.” Drescher’s voice was tense. “It didn’t come from 30

me. What would I have to gain?”

31

“Jesus, Martin. Who else could it have been? We’re the only lit-32

igators involved. You’re not suggesting that the leak came from 33

one of the corporate guys?”

ort 34

“I’m just saying that it wasn’t me,” Drescher said. “If you ask me, reg 35

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1 2 3

this thing has your fingerprints all over it. You know what I think?

1

That you set this up to discredit me.”

2

Carter Mills snorted. “I won’t even respond to that. There’s no 3

question that the e-mail came from you. I had computer services 4

check it out. From you to Bill McCarty.”

5

Kate shifted slightly, careful not to make any noise. All of her 6

senses seemed heightened. The outline of her hand against her 7

knee seemed oddly distinct. The smell of dust and wood was over-8

powering. For one terrifying moment, she thought she might sneeze, 9

but she managed to hold it back.

10

“Let’s cut to the chase,” said Drescher. “What are we going to do 11

now?”

12

“There’s not a hell of a lot we can do,” Carter Mills said curtly.

13

“I took a poll this morning. Without Madeleine, we’re two votes 14

short. If we’d been able to handle this quietly as we agreed, we still 15

could’ve pulled it off. But McCarty’s on the warpath now, and he’s 16

rounding up support. As it stands, the rank and file have enough 17

votes to keep the lockstep draw in place for the foreseeable future.

18

And you can kiss Stroesser and the rest of his M&A gang good-19

bye. They’ll be out the door by the end of the year. Do you have 20

any idea what that means for this firm? Mergers and Acquisitions 21

brought in more than $40 million last year.”

22

Even in her panicked state, Kate found herself mesmerized by 23

the exchange. Fragments of conversation, so inscrutable only mo-24

ments before, now fell into place. They were planning to do away 25

with lockstep compensation. Lockstep, as everyone knew, was a relic 26

of Samson’s patrician past. While associates received fixed salaries, 27

partners were paid from firm profits. Under the lockstep system, 28

partnership profits had always been based strictly on seniority, with 29

rainmakers getting no special treatment. While most New York 30

firms had discarded such systems in recent years, adopting “eat 31

what you kill” payment structures, Samson had shown no signs of 32

budging. The lockstep system had always been viewed as sacro-33

sanct, a safeguard against unseemly squabbling.

34 sh

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Until now.

2

Kate’s mind raced ahead as she pictured the storm that would 3

ensue if the lockstep system were ditched. Millions of dollars 4

would be up for grabs. There would be big winners, such as Mills 5

and Drescher, and big losers, such as McCarty and other team play-6

ers who could never compete with the rainmaking kings. Bruce 7

Stroesser, the high-flying chief of M&A, must be threatening to 8

jump ship. No wonder Mills was upset. Losing Stroesser and his 9

clients to another firm would mean phenomenal losses for every-10

one, not to mention the publicity.

11

Suddenly things fell into place.

12

Bill McCarty’s stormy exit from Carter Mills’s office the day he’d 13

practically knocked her down.

14

McCarty’s insistent phone call to Madeleine Waters’s office.

15

Bill McCarty was in a fight for his professional life.

16

“For now, we’re going to sit tight,” said Mills. “The last thing we 17

need on top of Madeleine’s murder is some media explosion tied to 18

firm politics.”

19

“It’ll blow over,” said Drescher. “We’re not the first prominent 20

firm to have a partner murdered. Think of Cravath, with that part-21

ner killed in a sleazy motel by some black kid he’d hooked up with 22

for sex. That’s much worse than what we’re facing here. Remember 23

the publicity? That big article in the New Yorker a few years back.

24

People talked about it for weeks. But Cravath came out of it all just 25

fine.”

26

“There is one critical difference,” said Mills. “At Cravath, they 27

knew from the start who the killer was. And they knew it had 28

nothing to do with the law firm.”

29

“What are you saying?” Drescher said. A note of uncertainty 30

had entered his voice.

31

A pause. When Mills spoke, his voice was low and deliberate.

32

“The night Madeleine was killed, she was supposed to have dinner 33

with Chuck Thorpe at Ormond. Earlier that day, someone claim-ort 34

ing to be from Thorpe’s office called to reschedule for seven, an reg 35

hour earlier than they’d planned to meet.”

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“So you’re saying she was set up?” Drescher sounded incredu-1

lous.

2

“I don’t really think it’s a coincidence, do you, Martin?

3

Madeleine shows up at the restaurant — we’ve checked the reser-4

vations, and she did make it there — and a few hours later she’s 5

dead.”

6

“What about Thorpe?”

7

“He got there at eight, waited half an hour or so, and then took 8

off.”

9

“He has an alibi?”

10

“Yes, Martin. He has an alibi. We spoke with the driver.” Mills’s 11

voice was cold.

12

“So, what’s your point?”

13

“That whoever killed Madeleine knew about her meeting with 14

Thorpe. And used it to ambush her.”

15

“My God.” Drescher was clearly stunned. “So you’re saying that 16

it could be someone here at the firm, someone with access to her 17

schedule.”

18

“We don’t know that, Martin.” Impatience was evident in 19

Mills’s voice. “We have no way of knowing who Madeleine told 20

about that meeting. Or who Thorpe told, for that matter. We don’t 21

have enough information to speculate.”

22

“But . . . it wasn’t random.”

23

An exasperated sigh from Mills. “No. I don’t think that it was 24

random. Do you?”

25

“Was it Thorpe? Is he the bastard who killed her?”

26

“Don’t be ridiculous. Thorpe has enough trouble on his hands.”

27

“But he’d be capable of it, the son of a bitch.”

28

“I didn’t say that, Martin.”

29

“Thorpe was after Madeleine, you know that as well as I do.

30

He’d been trying to get into her pants for months.”

31

“If that were a motive for murder, Madeleine would have been 32

dead a long time ago. And Chuck Thorpe wouldn’t be the only 33

suspect.”

34 sh

The two men continued to talk, but Kate had stopped following 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

their words. All her thoughts were centered on the astounding 2

thing she’d just heard. Madeleine’s killer wasn’t some random psy-3

chopath. He was someone who’d known her plans, someone who’d 4

tracked her movements.

5

By the time Kate regained her focus, Carter Mills was speaking 6

again. “— and on top of everything, we’re facing this mess with 7

McCarty. As I see it, Martin, that’s your baby. You got us into it, 8

and you can bloody well find a way out.”

9

“Don’t threaten me,” Drescher said sharply. “How many times 10

do I have to tell you. I had nothing to do with that leak.”

11

Kate heard the abrupt sound of a body rising. “This meeting’s 12

over,” said Mills. The words were followed by the thud of a closing 13

door. Then the room went silent.

14

In the dim light, Kate checked out her watch. Just after mid-15

night. She strained her ears for sounds inside the office. Had they 16

both left? Then she heard a heavy sigh, and her heart skipped a 17

beat.

18

She was alone with Martin Drescher.

19

As this realization hit, she heard the slow movement of foot-20

steps edging closer to the desk. Don’t let him find me, don’t let him 21

find me. Hands clenched, her head bowed against her knees, she 22

waited for Drescher’s shadow to fall across her hiding place, for the 23

exclamation that would signal her discovery. But then the foot-24

steps stopped. To her left, Kate heard the soft squeak of a cabinet 25

opening, followed by the pop of a bottle being uncorked. The 26

splash of liquid tumbling against glass. Martin Drescher was pour-27

ing a drink. Seltzer? Somehow, she didn’t think so. After another 28

few moments, she heard the clink of glasses being restored, the 29

closing of the cabinet door.

30

And then, hardly daring to believe her ears, she heard what 31

sounded like preparations for departure. The rustle of fabric and 32

upholstery. The metallic snap of a briefcase latch. The click of a 33

light going off. Once again, the office door opened and closed.

ort 34

Kate waited in quivering silence, listening. Seconds later, she felt reg 35

the faint reverberation of the outer door. And then, again, silence.

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Absolute silence. Kate eased her head out from under the desk and 1

scanned the darkened room, now bathed in the eerie glow of lights 2

from surrounding buildings. Empty. The office was empty. The re-3

lief that flooded over her was so intense that she thought she might 4

collapse. She grabbed hold of the desk to steady herself, painfully 5

straightening her legs. Both feet were asleep, and she thumped 6

them against the carpeted floor, trying to stop the tingling.

7

Think. Crossing the office, she checked to be sure the door was 8

locked. Good. Still, she needed to move fast. Who knew what 9

could happen next? A tape-recorded message that used to play in 10

the city’s taxis floated absurdly through her mind, a purring Cat-11

woman’s warning: Cats have nine lives, but you have only one. So 12

buckle up!

13

The file she had clutched in her hand for the past hour was 14

damp from perspiration. She was about to put it back in Drescher’s 15

cabinet when she hesitated. The file obviously had some signifi-16

cance that she’d yet to discern, a significance that must somehow 17

be related to the ongoing power struggle between Drescher and 18

Mills. Their relationship was certainly more complex than she’d 19

thought. But there was no mistaking the animosity that suffused 20

their dealings regardless of any temporary alliance. Of course, she 21

couldn’t just take the file. But what if she kept a copy?

22

Heart pounding, Kate pressed her ear to the office door. When 23

she failed to detect any sound, she cracked open the door and 24

peered into the reception area. The coast was clear. She rapidly 25

crossed the room before halting at the door to the corridor. Again, 26

she paused before slowly opening the door and looking out. The 27

corridor was deserted. After several long moments, she slipped into 28

the hallway and walked quickly to the photocopy machine located 29

in the same position as the copiers on each of the other office 30

floors.

31

Checking the settings on the copy machine, she could feel her 32

pulse slowing down. She was out of immediate danger. Should any-33

one see her, they would just assume she had work to do. She de-34 sh

cided not to risk the automatic feed. The added speed was not 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

worth the risk of a copy malfunction that could leave pages crum-2

pled and ragged. The file was slim — under thirty pages — and she 3

was done in less than five minutes.

4

Heading back to Drescher’s office, Kate took a deep breath. The 5

last thing she wanted to do was to return to the scene of her nar-6

row escape. But she had no choice. Back inside Drescher’s office, 7

she carefully replaced the file before taking a final look at the room 8

to be sure that she’d left no trace. As her eyes passed over the of-9

fice furnishings, Kate’s eye was drawn to a shiny spot where 10

Drescher had splashed his drink. Curious, she crossed the room, 11

touched a finger to the spot and licked. Scotch.

12

No doubt about it now. Martin Drescher was drinking again.

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Friday, January 8

1

2

Another gray morning, fiercely cold, with the threat of snow 3

hanging in the air like the shadow of an upraised hand. But as she 4

joined the other commuters filing down the narrow stairway to the 5

Seventy-ninth Street subway platform, Kate was oblivious to her 6

surroundings. Her body, flooded with adrenaline last night, seemed 7

suspended in a dreamlike calm.

8

As commuters swarmed around her, Kate unfolded the Daily 9

Press and reread a short follow-up report on Madeleine’s murder.

10

No new leads, just something to fill up space, to feed an audience 11

hungry for detail. The centerpiece of the brief article was further 12

speculation by a criminology expert, who warned that this killing 13

could be the first in a series. “The high level of violence to the 14

body suggests that this is someone who will kill again,” he told the 15

reporter. There was no suggestion that Madeleine’s death was any-16

thing other than the work of a psychopathic stranger. No sugges-17 sh

tion that she’d known her attacker. The omission further added to 18 re

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Kate’s sense of dislocation, as if what she’d overheard last night 2

had been some sort of hallucination.

3

When the train finally screeched into the station, Kate had to 4

cram herself into the packed subway car. Stuck next to the door, 5

she tried to sink into herself. Carter had intimated that someone at 6

the firm could be connected to Madeleine’s death. Who else more 7

likely to know her plans? Though, to be fair, any number of people 8

might have known about her date with Thorpe. A psycho cab 9

driver who’d listened in on a cell-phone call. A doorman obsessed 10

with a beautiful tenant. Improbable as they might sound, such 11

things could happen. Kate thought of the unsuspecting women 12

who ran into serial killer Ted Bundy, never imagining that they 13

would be that one-in-a-million victim.

14

Yes, the more she thought about it, the harder it was to believe 15

that someone at Samson & Mills had caused Madeleine’s death.

16

The brutally savaged body, sexually assaulted and dumped — it 17

just wasn’t a Samson & Mills kind of murder. Not that there was a 18

Samson & Mills kind of murder, but if there was, this definitely 19

wouldn’t be it. Whoever had killed Madeleine had been crazy, out 20

of his mind. A disorganized killer, that’s how the newspaper’s expert 21

had described him. Likely to be delusional, an underachiever. Not 22

the description that came to mind when you thought of Samson & 23

Mills.

24

Immersed in her thoughts, Kate almost missed her stop. Lunging 25

for the door, she just made it out. She headed down a concrete tun-26

nel toward the exit.

27

By the time Kate reached her office, Jennifer was already at her 28

station, reading a paperback novel. At the sound of Kate’s arrival, 29

Jennifer looked up, her glossy curls cascading down her shoulders.

30

“ ’Morning,” Jennifer said brightly. “You here late last night?”

31

“You could say that,” Kate said dryly.

32

Jennifer put a marker in her book and followed Kate into her of-33

fice. “I put your mail on your chair,” she said, gesturing to a neatly ort 34

arranged stack. “You got anything else for me to do?”

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

1 3 1

consistent. Though Jennifer often had her hands full, the past few 1

months had been slow.

2

“Not yet,” Kate said. “I’m doing a lot of research. But stay tuned, 3

it won’t be long.”

4

Jennifer lingered in the doorway. “It’s really awful about 5

Madeleine Waters.”

6

“Horrible,” Kate agreed. “You know, I’d just started working for 7

her.”

8

“I know,” said Jennifer, wrinkling her pretty forehead. “This 9

must be terrible for you.”

10

Jennifer was about to leave when Kate had a sudden thought.

11

While associates were out of the partnership loop, secretaries at 12

Samson & Mills had their own networks. Working intimately with 13

the partners, they had access to many of their secrets. Of course, 14

Jennifer herself didn’t work for any partners. But she certainly had 15

friends who did.

16

“So, tell me, what have you heard?” Kate asked.

17

“You mean, about the murder?”

18

“Yeah, I was so tied up yesterday, that I didn’t hear much. Is any-19

one talking about suspects?”

20

Jennifer looked uneasy. She stepped back into Kate’s office and 21

closed the door. “You mean, like Carter Mills?” she whispered.

22

Kate tried to appear nonchalant. “What about Carter Mills?”

23

Jennifer bit her lip. “Oh, it’s just talk, you know how things 24

are . . .”

25

“What are people saying?”

26

“Well, there’s a rumor — I mean it’s obviously totally ridicu-27

lous — but some people are saying that Carter Mills might 28

have . . . might have had something to do with it. Because . . . you 29

know . . . she broke up with him. I mean, I don’t believe it for a 30

second. But Carm —” Jennifer bit her lip. In identifying Carmen 31

as her source, she’d obviously said more than she intended.

32

The notion that Carter Mills could be involved with Made-33

leine’s death was so ludicrous that Kate almost smiled. Still it 34 sh

didn’t really surprise her that Carmen considered him a suspect.

35 re

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From their conversation yesterday, Kate already knew that Car-2

men blamed the firm for Madeleine’s death. And who more em-3

bodied the firm than Carter Mills? But she was struck by something 4

else Jennifer had said. She broke up with him. Of course, there was 5

no way of knowing whether this was true either. Still, it was a tan-6

talizing hint, the closest she’d ever come to specifics about the 7

partners’ rumored affair.

8

“Was Carter Mills even with Madeleine that night?” Kate asked.

9

Ridiculous as the rumor was, she had an urge to clear his name.

10

“No,” Jennifer admitted. “He was at some dinner with clients 11

uptown. At least, that’s what Clara said, and I guess she’d know.

12

He doesn’t make a move without telling her. It’s just stupid gossip.

13

I shouldn’t even have mentioned it.”

14

“People can be really crazy, can’t they?” Kate tried to keep her 15

voice light.

16

Jennifer seemed to relax a little. “I’ll say.”

17

“By the way, do you have any idea how Madeleine got along 18

with the other partners she worked with?” Kate didn’t want to tar-19

get Martin Drescher directly. Though that was certainly where her 20

thoughts were heading.

21

“I haven’t heard anything, but I could ask around.” Kate could 22

tell that Jennifer liked the idea of being on a quest for information.

23

Jennifer was energetic, a go-getter. Schlocky novels were a poor 24

substitute for real-life intrigue.

25

“If you feel like it,” Kate said casually. “I sort of wonder what her 26

life was like.”

27

28

29

Being with Carter Mills was a little like dating a movie star. Stand-30

ing beside him, waiting for the elevator door to open, Kate noticed 31

a scrawny first-year associate eyeing her enviously, his narrow lips 32

pressed together. Kate tried to derive some pleasure from her prize 33

position. Instead, she felt only a mild queasiness somewhere deep ort 34

in her stomach.

reg 35

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Outside, they proceeded to a black Lincoln Town Car. As they 1

crossed the sidewalk, Kate glanced sideways at Mills, whose 2

sculpted features were focused in thought. She felt a rush of admi-3

ration. Even in silence, he was somehow more vibrant than other 4

people. There was something timeless about him. Ignore the mod-5

ern dress, and he could have commanded armies in ancient 6

Greece, steered a frigate toward a New World. Kate felt his pres-7

ence as a sort of weight, anchoring her to reality in a way that her 8

own body could not.

9

When they reached the car, Mills seemed to come back to him-10

self. “What a lovely cape,” he said, flashing Kate a smile as she slid 11

across the car’s leather-upholstered seats.

12

“Oh . . . , thank you,” Kate said. The comment had caught her 13

off guard. It was almost becoming a pattern with Mills, the sudden 14

interjection of the personal followed by an equally sudden return 15

to the status quo. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Should she an-16

swer in kind, prolong the moment, or was it better to let it pass?

17

But Mills made the decision for her.

18

“You won’t need to do much today besides take notes.” The car 19

was swinging west across town, in the direction of WideWorld’s 20

headquarters. “I’ll be interviewing Linda Morris. She should be a 21

strong witness for us. She was Friedman’s closest friend at the mag-22

azine. Ate lunch with her several times a week. They had similar 23

jobs. Friedman was Chuck Thorpe’s secretary. Morris was secretary 24

to the managing editor, a guy named Brian Keck. They were con-25

stantly in and out of each other’s offices. And yet Morris says she 26

never once heard Friedman complain about Chuck Thorpe. Not 27

once.”

28

Kate could hear the relish in Mills’s voice. “That sounds great,”

29

said Kate. “If Stephanie Friedman didn’t even complain to her best 30

friend, what jury’s going to believe that she confronted Thorpe to 31

his face? She’ll never be able to show that Thorpe’s behavior was 32

unwelcome. And if she can’t do that, there goes her sexual harass-33

ment claim.”

34 sh

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Mills smiled. “Exactly.”

2

“What about other employees?” Kate asked.

3

“Everyone else is on board. Morris was our one wild card.”

4

The car was pulling up outside the WideWorld complex, a mas-5

sive limestone edifice that towered over the surrounding buildings.

6

“Why are we doing the interview at WideWorld instead of at Sam-7

son?” Kate asked curiously. “Is that customary?”

8

Carter Mills tapped his chin with an index finger. “Customary,”

9

he mused. “I suppose you could say that. With the added advantage 10

of reminding Ms. Morris just who pays her salary. She’s not just 11

dealing with Chuck Thorpe anymore. This is a whole new ball 12

game. ”

13

14

15

Carter Mills had commandeered the general counsel’s office for 16

this interview, but Richard Epstein was nowhere to be found. Mills 17

had assumed Epstein’s desk, an off-white French Provincial repro-18

duction. Kate sat to Mills’s left on a small pink-and-gold loveseat, 19

while Linda Morris sat facing them. The delicate furnishings 20

seemed strangely at odds with both Epstein’s ascetic demeanor and 21

the work to be done today.

22

“Thank you so much for coming,” said Mills, gracing Linda 23

Morris with a friendly smile. The appreciation in his voice seemed 24

real, as if she were doing them a favor. As if she’d really had a 25

choice.

26

“Ms. Paine” — Mills gestured toward Kate while keeping his 27

eyes trained on Morris — “is an associate with my firm and will be 28

taking a few notes during our meeting today. As long as you don’t 29

mind, of course.”

30

Linda Morris shrugged. She was a thin, pale figure, heavily made 31

up, with jutting conical breasts and long black hair. She wore an 32

aqua blouse of some shiny synthetic material, and the hands that 33

emerged from its sleeves were capped with blood-red nails. Around ort 34

her neck dangled a slender gold chain and tiny cross, an improb-reg 35

able accent to the outfit.

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Mills began the meeting. “Ms. Morris, I assume you’re aware of 1

the general nature of Ms. Friedman’s claims.”

2

Linda Morris nodded, licking her crimson lips. The kohl liner 3

around her deep-set eyes gave her a scraggly, nearsighted look.

4

She seemed nervous. It occurred to Kate that the seating arrange-5

ment — she and Mills seated opposite Morris, two against one —

6

was reminiscent of a police interrogation. But perhaps that was the 7

point.

8

Mills leaned back in his chair. He seemed expectant, as if he had 9

all the time in the world. “As you know, Ms. Friedman is claiming 10

that Chuck Thorpe sexually harassed her. Now, it’s important to 11

understand one thing. Under the law, sexual harassment occurs 12

only when behavior is unwelcome, when the person claiming ha-13

rassment has made it clear that she wanted the behavior to stop.

14

Do you follow me?”

15

“Uh huh.”

16

Mills studied Linda Morris before moving on, as if giving her 17

time to absorb his point. “Now, from what I’ve heard, Ms. Fried-18

man never once told Mr. Thorpe that she felt he was doing any-19

thing wrong. She never once told him that she objected to 20

anything that he was doing. Do you have any reason to doubt 21

that?”

22

Linda Morris licked her lips again. Then she reached into her 23

purse and pulled out a tub of cherry lip balm, which she thought-24

fully uncapped before rubbing a glob onto her lips.

25

“Well,” she said, “I guess not. No.” Her voice, light and breathy, 26

seemed to come from high in her throat.

27

Mills gave an emphatic nod, as if approving what Morris had 28

said. He seemed to be enjoying himself. “Thank you, Ms. Morris.

29

Now, from what I understand, Ms. Friedman and Mr. Thorpe had 30

a warm and friendly personal relationship. There was a lot of 31

horseplay, that sort of thing. But all of it was in good fun. Ms.

32

Friedman gave as good as she got. Isn’t that right?”

33

“Okay.” Linda Morris was staring at her lap. With her right hand 34 sh

she fiddled with her necklace.

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1

“Ms. Morris.” Mills’s voice was edged with reproach. “What do 2

you mean, ‘okay?’ ”

3

Linda Morris looked up. For a moment Kate thought she saw a 4

glimmer of hostility in the woman’s eyes, but it quickly faded.

5

“I mean that they got along good — Stephanie and Chuck,” she 6

said in the same childlike voice. “I mean that they didn’t have 7

conflicts or anything.”

8

“Thank you, Ms. Morris.” Carter Mills was once again the con-9

vivial master of ceremonies. “Now, Ms. Morris, I want to show you 10

a complaint prepared for this case. That’s the document in which 11

Ms. Friedman sets forth her allegations. I want you to read it 12

through, then tell me if there’s any truth to Ms. Friedman’s claims.

13

We’ve marked the important parts in yellow.”

14

Linda Morris took hold of the draft complaint with a limp white 15

hand. Bowing her head, she began to read. When she turned the 16

last page, she looked up.

17

“No,” she said. “None of it’s true, so far as I know.”

18

“So Stephanie Friedman never told you about any of the things 19

that she’s claiming in there?” Mills said.

20

“No.” Linda Morris again fingered the cross around her neck.

21

Her voice was low; her eyes again focused on her lap.

22

“And you’re sure of that? You’ve taken time to read the com-23

plaint?”

24

“Yes.” Linda Morris studied her knees.

25

Something’s not right, Kate thought. She definitely knows more than 26

what she’s saying. And the complaint, could she really have read it so 27

quickly?

28

“And if this sort of activity had been occurring, would you have 29

expected Ms. Friedman to confide in you about it?” Mills pressed.

30

“Oh, yes,” Linda Morris said. “We told each other everything.

31

About boyfriends, problems at the office — when we felt too much 32

stuff was getting dumped on us instead of the other girls. She defi-33

nitely would have told me.”

ort 34

The words emerged in a quick staccato, as if Morris were read-reg 35

ing from a script.

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Troubled, Kate glanced toward Mills, trying to catch his eye.

1

But, turning to the next page of his notes, he was already moving on.

2

w

3

The movie theater was a mob scene by the time Kate arrived. The 4

crowd was typical of New York these days, especially the once-5

funky West Side, where gleaming new high-rises seemed to pop up 6

overnight and designer baby carriages complete with designer 7

moms and babies blocked the narrow aisles of neighborhood stores.

8

With its soaring ceilings and vast open spaces, the Sony Imax the-9

ater felt more like an elaborate hotel than somewhere to see a 10

movie.

11

Kate glanced at her watch: 6:55. She was five minutes early. Al-12

ready, she regretted her decision to come. If the idea of a date —

13

any date — wasn’t bad enough, this was a blind date, the very 14

worst. Two complete strangers trying to make small talk while de-15

ciding if they might want to have sex. She thought longingly of 16

law school, when she and Michael used to spend long evenings on 17

the couch, rubbing each other’s feet and reading.

18

But Michael was marrying someone else.

19

Pushing these thoughts from her mind, Kate elbowed her way 20

through the crowd to the foot of the box office line, where she’d 21

agreed to meet Douglas Macauley. She had only the vaguest idea of 22

what he looked like. Brown hair, brown eyes, medium height. Tara 23

claimed he was cute, but he sounded totally nondescript. She’d 24

told him to look for her cape — bright red; you can’t miss it.

25

“The 7:45 showing of Cold Justice is sold out,” a female voice an-26

nounced over the multiplex’s loudspeaker system. “Tickets remain 27

for 9:45, 11, and 11:40.”

28

Damn. That was the movie they’d planned to see. Kate had 29

picked it earlier that day as the most innocuous of the selections.

30

A legal thriller with a PG rating. High on explosions, low on sex.

31

She was weighing the remaining options when she felt a tap on her 32

shoulder.

33

“Kate?” She spun around to face a pleasant-looking guy in a 34 sh

brown leather jacket and jeans. He smiled at her and Kate found 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

herself smiling back. While there was nothing remarkable about 2

Douglas Macauley, he was definitely appealing, with warm eyes 3

and a bemused smile.

4

He touched her elbow. “You can get out of line. I got the tick-5

ets.”

6

Kate slipped under the velvet cords that roped off the ticket 7

holders’ line. “It’s a good thing you got them,” she said. “The 7:45

8

show’s sold out.”

9

“Oh, I didn’t get tickets for 7:45,” Douglas said. “That’s been 10

sold out for hours. They’re for 9:45.”

11

As quickly as she’d warmed to him, the glimmer faded. How 12

could Douglas simply assume that she’d go along with this change 13

of plans? “I thought that we —”

14

“Oh, don’t worry,” Douglas said airily. “We’re not going to the 15

9:45. We’re going to the 7:45.”

16

“What —”

17

“Don’t worry, I’ve never been kept out of a movie. Never. ”

18

“But —”

19

“Come.”

20

Douglas steered Kate through the crowd to the soaring escalator 21

bank. Once they’d reached the second floor, Douglas moved easily 22

through the crowd, his hand still at Kate’s elbow. There was some-23

thing pleasant about letting someone else be in charge for a 24

change, and she let herself drift along beside him.

25

Moments later, Douglas was handing over the tickets to a freck-26

led young woman standing guard. She glanced at the tickets briefly 27

before looking up again.

28

“These tickets are for the 9:45 show,” she said. “We’re not seat-29

ing for that show yet.”

30

Douglas was a picture of polite confusion. “But —” he looked at 31

the tickets as if he’d never seen them before. “That’s not right.

32

We’re going to the 7:45 show.”

33

“The 7:45 show is sold out,” the woman patiently responded.

ort 34

“But I got these tickets much earlier today.”

reg 35

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1 3 9

The woman looked at the tickets. “It says here that you bought 1

them at 6:30.”

2

Kate focused on the floor, trying not to laugh. She quickly edged 3

away from the entrance, with Douglas trailing in her wake. “This 4

has never happened to me before,” he said in plaintive tones. “It’s 5

an outrage. ”

6

To her surprise, Kate was enjoying herself. After the high se-7

riousness of her day at Samson, there was something appealing 8

about playing cloak-and-dagger games over movie tickets. She was 9

amused by Douglas’s good-humored bravado. With a pang, she re-10

membered that life, small things in life, could be fun. Suddenly the 11

prospect of spending a few hours with Douglas didn’t seem all that 12

bad.

13

“We could just get something to eat,” she ventured.

14

“Absolutely not.” Douglas’s face was set in mock-determination.

15

“We are going to that movie.”

16

Back on the main floor, Douglas returned to the ticket line. His 17

eyes scanned the illuminated timetable posted above the ticket 18

counter. On reaching the ticket sales desk, he proffered the once-19

spurned Cold Justice tickets.

20

“These tickets are for 9:45, but we can’t stay that late. We need 21

to exchange them for two 8:30 tickets for Gunslinger. ”

22

Kate frowned. “But I don’t want to see —”

23

“Don’t worry.” Douglas pocketed the new tickets and grabbed 24

her hand. She tensed at his touch and then relaxed as he pulled 25

her back toward the escalator. He was probably just in a hurry.

26

Upstairs again, they handed over the tickets and easily made it 27

through. Now they were standing on the edge of a vast concession 28

area that led to the individual theaters. “We made it,” Douglas said 29

gleefully. But as he scanned the marquee lights above the various 30

theater doors, his smile began to fade.

31

“I don’t get it,” he muttered. “Something is wrong. Something is 32

very wrong.” He approached an usher. “Cold Justice? ” he asked in 33

hopeful tones.

34 sh

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“Downstairs. Lower level.”

2

Douglas and Kate exchanged blank stares. Then Kate started to 3

laugh.

4

“She told us that they weren’t seating for the 7:45. What she 5

didn’t tell us is that it’s downstairs. ”

6

They were back on the run. “This is what we’ll do,” said 7

Douglas, as they again descended the escalator. “We’ll tell the guy 8

downstairs that we need to go catch some friends who are going to 9

Cold Justice. That it’s an emergency.”

10

“Right. A movie emergency. That’ll work. Why don’t you just tell 11

him that the popcorn popper is broken upstairs? Or that they’ve 12

run out of your favorite snack treat. Or that you just want to see 13

what it looks like downstairs.”

14

Douglas looked reflective. “The popcorn thing isn’t bad . . .”

15

Reaching the main floor, they raced to the escalator leading to 16

the lower level. Kate hung back as Douglas pled their case. “It will 17

only take a minute. We’ll be right back, ” he assured the blank-faced 18

kid who stood guard.

19

“No.”

20

“No? ” Douglas’s eyes widened. “But can’t we just — we just 21

need to —”

22

The line was getting longer, but Douglas stayed put. For a mo-23

ment the attendant seemed confused. “Well . . . , okay. Just as long 24

as you’ll be right back. ”

25

Unbelievable, Kate thought. Douglas gave her a surreptitious 26

thumbs-up sign.

27

7:35. They took the steps on the downward escalator two at a 28

time from the main floor to the lower level. The Cold Justice mar-29

quee was straight ahead. They slipped into the packed theater just 30

as an action-film preview began. The few empty seats were scat-31

tered singles.

32

“We’ll have to split up,” Douglas whispered. “I’ll meet you after 33

the show. Why don’t you take that seat up to the left? That looks ort 34

like the best one.”

reg 35

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1 4 1

A brief flicker of compunction passed over Kate. What if the 1

rightful owners of these seats arrived and found no place to sit? At 2

the same time, there was something fun about this minor trans-3

gression, so alien to her by-the-book life. Kate headed for the 4

empty seat.

5

“Hey, Kate —” Douglas called softly. She turned, made out the 6

engaging grin, the warm brown eyes.

7

“What did I tell you? I’ve never been kept out of a movie.”

8

w

9

It was Friday night, just before midnight. He was seated alone in 10

the brightly lit pastry shop. Around him couples chattered over 11

dessert and coffee. He tried to ignore them, to block out their grat-12

ing laughter.

13

On his plate was the flaky confection known as sfogliatella. He 14

picked it up and bit down. The crisp top layers gave way, and he 15

tasted the sweet cheese inside. He chewed slowly, with concentra-16

tion, focusing on the texture, the flavor. And then he waited. It 17

was one of his few good memories, this thing that he used to love.

18

She’d brought them to him as a special treat. When he was a good 19

boy. It had flashed into his mind last night, a picture of her watch-20

ing him eat, her face suffused with love. She had been, was still in 21

his mind, the most beautiful woman in the world.

22

He was sitting in front of a window. Outside, he saw people 23

rushing past, hurrying toward light and warmth. And beyond 24

them, across the street, was the place where it all began. He stud-25

ied the square brick structure. Only four stories tall. That always 26

surprised him. It seemed so much larger in his mind. His eyes wan-27

dered toward the top floor, to three dark windows on the right. He 28

wondered who lived there now. Did they know what had hap-29

pened there? Or were they utterly oblivious, concerned only with 30

their own small lives?

31

“D’you mind if we sit here?” A woman was pointing to two 32

empty chairs. She was fat as a pig, with curly bronze hair. Her date 33

stood behind her, a pimply geek with a ridiculously large hooked 34 sh

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nose. Both of them were disgusting. But the shop was filling up. He 2

didn’t really have a choice. Grunting an assent, he tried to edge 3

closer toward the wall. Then his eyes returned to the building.

4

“And then, when I was ten, we moved to Scarsdale.” The fat girl 5

was nattering on. “I had this imaginary friend named Lulu. I was 6

sure that we’d left her behind. I was driving my mother crazy. Fi-7

nally, she drove me back into the city one day. She parked outside 8

the building where we used to live, and went inside. When she 9

came out, she said Lulu was with her. And you know what? I be-10

lieved her. After that everything was okay.”

11

It was a stupid story, he thought. Still, when he heard things like 12

that, he was amazed at what others remembered. Childhood 13

games. The names of teachers. The type of sandwich they’d eaten 14

for lunch. While for him, whole years were blank. For the first 15

decade of his life, he had only a handful of memories. The pastry 16

he was eating now. The scene of her death. His old friend Ricky, 17

holding out a small flask. It’s cool, man. But you gotta drink it fast.

18

But that was all in the past. Before he’d come up with the plan.

19

He laughed to himself about the Ph.D.’s who claimed to under-20

stand what he’d been through. Trauma. Dissociation. The fact was, 21

they didn’t know shit. Still, he’d let them believe that they’d 22

helped him. What did he care after all? The only thing that mat-23

tered was the plan. That was the beauty of it. Every action could be 24

put to one test: did it help or hinder the plan?

25

He’d come here tonight to reassure himself, to seek strength for 26

his coming ordeal. He’d thought that being here would bring her 27

closer. But it wasn’t working out that way. Still, he had no doubt 28

that he was on the right track. She’d sent signs telling him so. If he 29

had any doubts at all, he just had to think of Kate. Only the glasses 30

were wrong. It still annoyed him, to see her like that. But perhaps 31

it was better this way. Better that others couldn’t see what he saw.

32

Kate was there, waiting. That was the important thing.

33

Then, without warning, he felt her presence. The most beautiful ort 34

woman in the world. He felt her all around him, loving and urging reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

1 4 3

he was not alone. He could feel her confidence in him, feel it fuel-1

ing his resolve. Doubts fell away, dissolved into space, until they’d 2

never existed at all.

3

Everything was just as it should be.

4

Nothing could stop him now.

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

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1

Saturday, January 9

2

3

The phone rang. Barely awake, Kate rolled over and picked it up.

4

“Hi!” It was Tara, sounding energetic and alert, as if she’d been 5

up for hours.

6

“What time is it?” Kate asked groggily.

7

“A little after ten,” Tara said. “You weren’t asleep, were you?”

8

After ten. Kate couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept this 9

late.

10

“No, no.” Propping herself up on an elbow, Kate tried to focus 11

on Tara’s words.

12

“You were asleep. Go back to bed. I’ll call you later.”

13

“No, really, I’m up now.”

14

“I just wanted to know how things went last night.”

15

Kate found herself smiling, though she’d never in a million years 16

tell Tara. “Fine,” she said coolly. “Things went fine.”

ort 17

“Did you like Douglas?”

reg 18

“I liked him fine.”

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“Liked him fine,” Tara repeated. “Well, coming from you that’s 1

pretty close to a declaration of love.”

2

“Don’t sound so smug,” Kate said. “It was just a movie.” No rea-3

son to tell Tara about the lingering conversation over coffee that 4

followed, about Douglas’s fascinating tales of his recent trip to the 5

Himalayas, about his promise to be in touch. She didn’t want to 6

get Tara’s hopes up. Besides, she wasn’t sure how she felt. She’d had 7

a much better time than expected. Even the crazy ordeal with tick-8

ets had somehow added to Douglas’s appeal. Still, he wasn’t her 9

usual type. She’d just have to wait and see.

10

“So what are you up to today?” Tara asked, letting the subject 11

drop.

12

“Haircut, housecleaning — the usual Saturday entertainment.”

13

“And tonight?”

14

“I’ll probably order in sushi and watch a video. The perfect Sat-15

urday night.”

16

“Hmm,” Tara said. “I can see that I have my work cut out 17

for me.”

18

w

19

“Is Hercules your real name?”

20

“What?”

21

“Is that what your parents named you?”

22

Kate heard an exasperated sigh behind her. She felt a quick tug 23

on her scalp followed by the sound of scissors. Wings of dark brown 24

hair fluttered into her sheet-draped lap.

25

“Kate, you know I can’t talk when I work.” Hercules’s voice was 26

aggrieved. “How would you like it if someone tried to talk to you 27

while you were writing a brief?”

28

“Sorry.”

29

Kate surveyed the room, a shabby loft on the Lower East Side.

30

She’d spent the morning racing through weekend errands, and the 31

calm of Hercules’s studio was a welcome break. She could do with-32

out the gloom, though. Only the palest haze of light made its way 33

through the tall, dirt-encrusted windows.

34 sh

Kate tried to keep her head steady as Hercules circled her chair, 35 re

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his eyes on the lookout for stray locks of hair. He was somewhere 2

in his late thirties, with a mane of graying dark curls and a hawk-3

like nose. He called himself a sculptor. His recent efforts, from 4

what Kate could see, involved the mutilation of retro toys. Every-5

where you looked, there they were: an elaborately built Lincoln 6

Log cabin sawed in two and splashed with red paint; a brunette 7

Barbie doll, her hourglass figure skewered on half a dozen knitting 8

needles; a shattered plastic Sno-Kone machine pieced together 9

with electrical tape. If this was Hercules’s calling, Kate thought, it 10

was good that he’d kept his day job.

11

Still, whatever his credentials as an artist, Hercules was a genius 12

with hair. Soon after she started work, Kate had noticed the Sam-13

son bob. After a summer spent studying for the bar exam, her hair 14

had fallen well below her shoulders. She’d toyed with the idea of 15

keeping it long but quickly changed her mind. Long hair, she con-16

cluded, was less professional. Besides, why stand out when the al-17

ternative was so appealing?

18

It didn’t take long to get the name behind Samson’s signature 19

look, and after her first cut Kate was sold. Hercules was expensive, 20

upward of $100 for a trim, but he was worth it. Easy maintenance —

21

fifteen minutes with a brush and blow dryer — and even after 22

twelve-hour days, her hair still kept its swing. How Hercules had 23

come to be Samson’s stylist of choice, Kate had no idea. She’d al-24

ways meant to ask, but Hercules’s strictly enforced no-talking pol-25

icy was a strong deterrent to conversation.

26

As Hercules studied her head and clipped, Kate’s thoughts wan-27

dered back to Douglas Macauley. Stop, she told herself sternly. Just 28

think about today. If only she could flip through a magazine, that 29

would keep her occupied. But reading was out of the question.

30

Hercules claimed that the movement of eyes across a page inter-31

rupted the stillness he required. “What about breathing?” Kate had 32

asked, the day of her very first cut. Hercules had ignored the ques-33

tion. She’d never tried to joke again.

ort 34

“There.” Hercules’s voice was pleased. He whipped off the white reg 35

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sheet that had shielded Kate’s clothing and handed her a mirror.

1

Kate tossed her head from side to side, watching the graceful swish 2

against her cheeks. “Hair with an attitude,” Andrea called it.

3

“Stunning as always,” Kate said. She hopped down from the 4

chair and dug around in her purse for money. Hercules worked on 5

a cash-only basis.

6

Kate was pulling on her black parka when she thought of her 7

question again.

8

“Hey, Hercules?”

9

“Yeah?” He’d moved over to the loft’s kitchen area, where he 10

was stirring a large pot on a gas-fueled range.

11

“How’d you end up cutting hair for a bunch of lawyers? It 12

doesn’t really seem like your style.”

13

Hercules snorted. “No, but it’s more my style than what I was 14

doing before.”

15

“Which was?”

16

Hercules turned to face Kate, his upper lip curled back from his 17

teeth. “I was a paralegal at Samson & Mills.”

18

Kate took an involuntary step back. “You’re joking.”

19

“Nope. Did it for a couple of years during the eighties. To pay 20

the rent.”

21

“That’s incredible. So how’d you go from that to this?”

22

“I used to cut my sisters’ hair when I was growing up. When I 23

moved to the city, sometimes I’d cut friends’ hair. I’m an artist, you 24

know. I keep my eyes open. I always sort of had a knack for it.

25

While I was working at Samson, there was this woman lawyer I was 26

sort of . . . friendly with. We used to joke around and shit. She was 27

cool. Anyway, she was working on this big case and hadn’t had a 28

haircut for months. I was hassling her about it. She claimed she 29

didn’t have time. I offered to do it right then and there. It was 30

really late, probably after midnight. I ran out to an all-night drug-31

store and picked up some scissors. Came back and gave her a cut.

32

She loved it. Everyone did. Before I knew it, I had more clients 33

than I could handle with a full-time job. Besides, I’d saved some 34 sh

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money. And I hated that fucking place. So I quit and started doing 2

hair instead.”

3

“That’s a great story. Who was it that got you started?”

4

“What?” Hercules seemed disconcerted.

5

“The lawyer whose hair you cut that first time. Is she still at the 6

firm?”

7

“No, no. Well, she was until . . .” A wary expression had come 8

into Hercules’s eyes.

9

“It was Madeleine. Madeleine Waters.” Crossing his arms, he 10

looked squarely at Kate, as if daring her to react.

11

“Really, ” Kate said, then stopped. Suddenly, for no particular 12

reason, she felt a terrible uneasiness. Quickly, she began to talk, 13

trying to hide her discomfort behind a barrage of words. “It’s so aw-14

ful about what happened to her, isn’t it? I’d never worked with her 15

until recently, but I’d always heard that she was a great lawyer. And 16

beautiful, of course. But . . . I would never have guessed that you 17

cut her hair. It was so wavy and tousled looking.”

18

You’re babbling, she told herself, and was relieved when Hercules 19

stepped in.

20

“I hadn’t cut Madeleine’s hair for a long time,” he said. “She got 21

this perm thing going a few years back. Said she wanted a change.”

22

As he spoke, Kate thought of the photo of Madeleine broadcast 23

on the TV news. Of course. Her hair had been cut short in that 24

picture, short and smooth. Just like her own hair now.

25

Hercules seemed to have regained his bearings. “Man, it’s really 26

awful about her being killed. I read about it in the papers. She was 27

a nice lady. Really nice. Not like those other freaks. I don’t know 28

what she was doing there.”

29

As Hercules talked, Kate’s eyes had settled on the Barbie doll 30

she’d noticed earlier. She stared at it in horrible fascination. The 31

doll’s wild dark hair spread out from her head like a storm cloud 32

about to burst. Her staring eyes took no notice of the knitting nee-33

dles plunged deep in her body. And then another image rose up ort 34

reg 35

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in Kate’s mind. Madeleine Waters’s body, multiple stab wounds, a 1

tide of black hair that must have framed her head just as . . .

2

With a start, Kate realized that Hercules was watching her, wait-3

ing for her to speak.

4

“I guess I should be going,” Kate said, her voice artificially 5

bright. She handed Hercules his fee and then fumbled in a pocket 6

for her gloves.

7

“So, thanks a lot. I guess I’ll see you next month.”

8

Halfway down the six flights of stairs, something — perhaps a 9

flicker of shadow on the concrete steps — caused Kate to glance 10

up. There, from the top of the stairwell, Hercules was looking 11

down. She tried to catch his eye, to wave, but he seemed not to no-12

tice the gesture. Pulling her parka more tightly around her, Kate 13

continued, more quickly, down the stairs.

14

15

16

At home that night, miles from the bombed-out space that Her-17

cules called home, Kate decided to take a bath. She felt jumpy, ag-18

itated. She’d always viewed Hercules as a colorful but benign 19

eccentric. But that was before Madeleine’s murder. Before she’d 20

known that they’d worked together. Now, she wasn’t sure what to 21

think. Again, she thought of the ravaged doll, a plastic correlate to 22

Madeleine’s real-life death.

23

The tub was filling with water. Kate dumped in a capful of 24

bubble bath, then added a second dose. Tonight she was going 25

to relax. She flipped on the radio — always set for NPR — and 26

let the restful strains of classical music filter through her rooms.

27

Then she headed for her bedroom bookshelf in search of some-28

thing to read. What would it be tonight? Jane Austen? Stephen 29

King? Marissa Piesman? Glancing across a row of books, her eyes 30

fell on an unfamiliar volume. Sexual Harassment of Working 31

Women. The book Madeleine had given her just before she was 32

killed. She’d brought it home that night to look over. But in the 33

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chaos following Madeleine’s death, it had completely slipped from 2

her mind.

3

Sitting down on the side of her bed, Kate folded back the book’s 4

red-and-black cover. Flipping through the first few pages, she no-5

ticed frequent pencil underlinings. Sexual harassment, most broadly 6

defined, refers to the unwanted imposition of sexual requirements in the 7

context of a relationship of unequal power. A pretty standard defini-8

tion by now. And then, a few pages later: The legal argument ad-9

vanced by this book is that sexual harassment of women at work is sex 10

discrimination in employment.

11

Turning back to the front of the book, Kate checked the publi-12

cation date: 1979. A generation ago in legal terms, written before 13

the Supreme Court recognized sexual harassment as a cause of ac-14

tion. If she recalled correctly, this was a seminal work, outlining 15

much of the doctrine later accepted as law. Curious, she flipped 16

through the text. Being at the mercy of male superiors adds direct eco-17

nomic clout to male sexual demands. . . . As work becomes degraded by 18

mechanization and routinization, it becomes defined as “women’s 19

work.” . . .

20

The words seemed abstract, endlessly remote from her own life.

21

Sure, a lot of her work was dull and routine — that was the nature 22

of the large pieces of litigation in which Samson specialized. Thou-23

sands of documents to be reviewed and catalogued. Dozens of de-24

position outlines and routine motions. But did female associates 25

get stuck with any more of the grunt work than their male col-26

leagues did? Not from what she could see. In her year-plus at Sam-27

son & Mills, she couldn’t think of one time when she’d been 28

singled out because of her sex. Of course, she belonged to a privi-29

leged breed. For the vast majority of women, stuck in word pro-30

cessing or secretarial pools, the situation could be very different.

31

Kate was about to close the book when another underlined sec-32

tion caught her eye. Not being attractive enough does have an eco-33

nomic effect. You know you can’t get really well-paying jobs. If you ever ort 34

reg 35

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go to the top floor of an office building, you know the women look a cer-1

tain way.

2

The women look a certain way.

3

Kate smoothed her newly trimmed hair. Hair carefully cut and 4

styled like that of most of her female colleagues.

5

But, again, so what?

6

The tendentious writing was beginning to annoy her.

7

The point is that it is the very qualities which men find sexually at-8

tractive in the women they harass that are the real qualifications for the 9

jobs for which they hire them. . . .

10

Sudden allegations of job incompetence and poor attitude commonly 11

follow rejection of sexual advances and are used to support employment 12

consequences. . . .

13

Men believe that whenever women are advanced on the job, an ex-14

change of sexual favors must have occurred. . . .

15

Kate could hear the bathtub filling. Still carrying the book, she 16

went to turn off the tap. While it didn’t do much for her, she had 17

to wonder what this book had meant to Madeleine. Had it perhaps 18

called to mind her own career? Kate thought about what Justin had 19

told her at the Harvard Club, how Drescher had argued that 20

Madeleine had slept her way to the top. Kate hadn’t really given 21

the attacks much thought. Now she wondered if they’d contained 22

a grain of truth. Of course, Madeleine was a very good lawyer. But 23

had she really been so outstanding that partnership was a foregone 24

conclusion? Had it been her abilities that set Madeleine apart from 25

her less successful peers? Or was it her sexual relationship with 26

Mills?

27

As the thoughts circled in her mind, Kate peeled off her clothes.

28

She could feel the steam floating up from the tub, smell the bub-29

bles’ flowery fragrance. Suddenly, she was tired of thinking about 30

Madeleine. Couldn’t she just relax for one night? Still naked, she 31

walked back to the bedroom, where she returned the book to its 32

place. What she needed tonight was something soothing. She 33

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pulled out a dog-eared copy of Sense and Sensibility and headed 2

back to the bathroom. She’d read and reread each of Jane Austen’s 3

six novels, and this was her favorite. An elegantly orchestrated 4

moral fable that preached the eighteenth-century virtues of bal-5

ance in life and love. Book in hand, she slipped gratefully into the 6

tub. She closed her eyes and let herself drift, let the water’s blissful 7

warmth enfold her. The strains of a violin floated in from the liv-8

ing room.

9

This really was a perfect evening.

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

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ort 34

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Sunday, January 10

1

2

Kate tried to stifle a cough. She’d awakened that morning with the 3

beginnings of a cold, and the drafty church sanctuary wasn’t help-4

ing. Furtively, she shifted in her seat, trying to find a more com-5

fortable position on the hard wood pew. Her throat was raw, and 6

her head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton. Pulling her cape more 7

closely around her shoulders, she wondered if she might have strep.

8

It seemed as though the service would never end. Arthur Daw-9

son had begun to speak. Dawson, who’d long since retired, was well 10

over eighty by now. As his reedy voice droned on, Kate’s eyes 11

roamed through rows of black-clad figures until settling on Carter 12

Mills. Mills had been one of the first speakers, delivering a careful 13

and detailed account of Madeleine’s career. Her arrival at Samson & 14

Mills as a newly minted attorney, her rapid ascent in the Samson 15

hierarchy, her election to partnership. As the words flowed out, 16

mellifluous and measured, Mills referred obliquely to challenges 17 sh

faced, to obstacles surmounted. Kate had eagerly awaited Mills’s 18 re

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turn at the podium, but once he’d started to speak, she’d found 2

herself fast losing interest. The day after Madeleine’s death, she’d 3

seen real emotion in his face. By contrast, today’s offering seemed 4

artificial, prepared for public consumption.

5

Mills sat toward the front of the church, surrounded by other 6

partners. As she studied the somber group, Kate realized that this 7

was the first time she’d seen the thirty-seven partners all in one 8

place. To an unknowing observer, they would hardly seem a re-9

markable bunch. A collection of middle-aged white guys — the 10

few women seemed beside the point — barely distinguishable one 11

from the other. The occasional bald head or goatee did little to 12

alter the effect. Samson’s partners were like tract houses, where 13

occasional unique “features” only underscored a basic sameness.

14

Tara was constantly getting them confused. Even the names, she 15

claimed, sounded alike.

16

And yet, these ordinary figures were the stuff of legend. Mythic 17

heros of an oral epic passed down through associate generations.

18

There, behind Mills, was Colin Barfield, a litigator known for his 19

single-minded vision. Barfield had once dragged an associate to the 20

airport with him because she hadn’t yet finished explaining a 21

memo. When departure time came, and she still wasn’t through, 22

he’d taken her with him to Japan. With his tortoiseshell glasses 23

and bow tie, Barfield looked like a gentleman lawyer. Who would 24

guess that this courtly man made associates pack his clothes?

25

Everything — underwear, shoes, shirts, and suits — had to be 26

neatly stowed in his suitcase before checkout time arrived.

27

Next to Barfield was David Kirkpatrick, a man with strange 28

habits of his own. Kirkpatrick insisted that associates telephone 29

restaurants in advance to ask that any vegetable he ordered be 30

served in its pureed form. Kirkpatrick couldn’t be bothered with 31

making the request himself. Nor did he want his associates dis-32

tracted while they ate, interrupting the flow of his instructions.

33

(“Ever try eating escargots and taking notes at the same time?” one ort 34

of Kirkpatrick’s associates had once asked a group of his peers. “It’s reg 35

tough. ”) A favorite Samson story was The Time That Kirkpatrick 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 155

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Ordered the Artichoke, the agonized deliberations among associ-1

ates on his team as to whether artichoke puree was in order. It 2

went without saying that they couldn’t ask. They were simply ex-3

pected to know.

4

And on the other side of Kirkpatrick was . . . Martin Drescher.

5

With a shiver, Kate snapped her head back toward Dawson, still 6

rambling on up front. The time she’d spent under Drescher’s desk 7

still made her dizzy with remembered fear. But after taking a mo-8

ment to collect herself, Kate shot another glance across the aisle.

9

She’d hoped that something in Drescher’s face would give insight 10

into his emotions. But try as she might, she could discern no clue 11

from his politely expressionless features. After a time she gave up; 12

she looked back to the front of the room.

13

But while her eyes now focused on Dawson, Kate’s mind con-14

tinued to wander. As she picked at a hangnail, it occurred to her 15

that it was strange to be here on a Sunday. This was a church, after 16

all. Didn’t they have services? Maybe someone had pulled some 17

strings. It was a beautiful space, though.

18

A prism-like flicker danced on the floor. Kate tilted her head to 19

the right, trying to locate its source. When she saw what it was, she 20

rolled her eyes: Angela Taylor’s ring. Angela was seated just across 21

the aisle with several other third-years. Julie Whiting, Margo 22

Price, Irene O’Shaunnessy. Out of Angela’s conversational orbit, 23

Kate could appreciate how pretty she was. Shiny blond bob, high 24

cheekbones, a finely turned nose. And she wasn’t the only one.

25

The women clustered around her shared the same patrician good 26

looks. Clear skin. Elegant profiles. Straight, gleaming hair.

27

If you ever go to the top floor of an office building, you know the 28

women look a certain way. There was, perhaps, something to this 29

observation. They were definitely a good-looking group, the fe-30

male lawyers of Samson & Mills. Good-looking in a certain way.

31

For the first time it occurred to Kate that Catharine MacKinnon 32

might just be right. Not that women were hired based on looks 33

alone. Of that, she was very sure. But was beauty perhaps a sort of 34 sh

threshold test? A way to limit the pool? What about a smart 35 re

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woman who wasn’t much to look at? Would she still be in the run-2

ning at Samson & Mills? Kate realized that she didn’t know.

3

A brief shuffling up front and Dawson relinquished his post.

4

Kate saw that the minister, a stocky man with a neatly trimmed 5

beard, was again assuming the helm. A good sign. And then she 6

heard the words she’d been waiting for. “And now, in closing, 7

please join together in our final hymn.” The song was Cat 8

Stevens’s “Morning Has Broken.” Kate had to stifle a laugh — she 9

couldn’t imagine a song less in keeping with Madeleine’s persona 10

than this classic sixties anthem. Still, as the voices surged around 11

her, Kate felt a lump in her throat. Andrea, seeming to sense her 12

distress, gently squeezed her shoulder.

13

And then the service was over. Gathering up coats, the mourn-14

ers began to file out. On the other side of the church, Bill McCarty 15

hurried toward the door, dodging clusters of people who’d stopped 16

to talk en route. Peyton Winslow huddled with Chuck Thorpe and 17

a woman in a fur-trimmed suit. Kate couldn’t suppress a wry smile.

18

Even at Madeleine’s funeral, Peyton was in networking mode. And 19

Chuck Thorpe, what would he be thinking? Again, Kate wondered 20

about the chain of events. Chuck Thorpe claimed that Madeleine 21

had stood him up. But had it really happened that way?

22

“How’re you doing?” Justin asked, curling an arm around Kate’s 23

shoulders.

24

“I’m all right,” Kate said. She was a little embarrassed by the 25

wave of sadness that had hit her as the service ended. “I think I’m 26

coming down with a cold. You know how it is when you’re feeling 27

sick. Everything gets to you more than usual.”

28

“Right.” Kate was glad that Justin didn’t loosen his grip.

29

“Do you guys want to grab something to eat?” Kate asked.

30

Justin consulted his watch. “Wish I could,” he said. “But believe 31

it or not, I have to get back to the office.”

32

“Hey,” Andrea whispered, grabbing Kate’s elbow. “Look — com-33

ing down the aisle — Madeleine’s family.”

ort 34

Kate turned as a nondescript threesome made its way toward the reg 35

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leine’s mother — it must be her mother — was slack-faced and 1

maternal. Beneath a stiff arrangement of gray-blue hair, her fea-2

tures were a baffled blur. She was propelled forward by a tall, thin 3

man — Madeleine’s father? — who grimly forged through the 4

crowd. Both wore the shell-shocked look of unwitting tourists.

5

Trailing after them was a harried-looking woman in her mid-forties 6

tottering in black high heels. Behind the younger woman’s pan-7

cake makeup, Kate made out a fleeting resemblance to Madeleine.

8

She must be Madeleine’s sister.

9

“Listen, I’ve got to split,” Justin said, pulling on his coat. “I’ll 10

call you later on, Kate. See you, Andrea.”

11

As Justin disappeared in the crowd, Kate caught sight of a dark-12

haired man who seemed to be watching her. But before she could 13

try to place him, he’d already looked away. Briefly, she wondered if 14

he was someone she knew. He didn’t really look familiar. Still, 15

she’d met so many people since moving to New York. It was hard 16

to remember them all.

17

“Hungry?” Andrea asked.

18

“A little,” Kate said. Her nose was starting to run, and she 19

reached into her purse for a tissue. “You know what I’d really like?

20

Some kind of chicken soup.”

21

w

22

Outside the church, Sam Howell walked quickly down Seventy-23

sixth Street, heading for the Seventh Avenue subway. He couldn’t 24

wait to get away. Couldn’t wait to get out of the city, to be back at 25

home in Sag Harbor. He thought about the work he’d set out for 26

tonight. Film to be developed from his India trip. A stack of busi-27

ness correspondence to answer. He’d planned it all out yesterday, 28

knowing that he’d need to keep busy, that he’d need to keep the 29

memories at bay.

30

His mind went back to what he’d just seen. The girl. Her ap-31

pearance had left him breathless. He’d stared at her mesmerized, 32

unable to sort through his feelings. The cap of dark hair, the heart-33

shaped face. Only the glasses were wrong. Then she’d turned 34 sh

toward him and he’d looked away. Not wanting it to seem like he 35 re

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was staring. Furtively, he’d scanned the room. Could he really be 2

the only one who saw it?

3

The wind pushed against Howell’s face, but he barely felt the 4

blast. His thoughts were still focused on the past two hours. He 5

hadn’t wanted to be there today, hadn’t wanted to be there at all.

6

At the same time, he’d had to come. He’d known it would be diffi-7

cult. He’d tried to brace himself for the encounter. Still nothing 8

had prepared him for the visceral rage that he’d felt on seeing 9

Carter Mills. He’d clenched the edge of his pew. It was all he could 10

do to stay seated. He’d wanted to leap into the aisle and take hold 11

of Mills, to shake him until his teeth chattered. But of course, he’d 12

managed to restrain himself. That showdown would have to wait.

13

Again, he thought of the girl. Her haunting beauty. Her youth.

14

Was it just a coincidence that she’d been there today? Somehow, 15

he didn’t think so.

16

w

17

“My head feels like it’s about to explode,” said Kate, after she and 18

Andrea had placed their orders. “I need to pick up some Tylenol.”

19

They were sitting in a booth at Fine & Schapiro, just a few 20

blocks down from the church. Fine & Schapiro was one of the few 21

old-style delis to survive the rampant commercialization of the 22

Upper West Side. A welcoming beacon amid the Gaps, Starbucks, 23

and other chain stores that had turned this once-quirky neighbor-24

hood into a makeshift mall.

25

“I’m glad that’s over,” Andrea said, spreading cream cheese on an 26

onion bagel. A chastened expression quickly followed. “Did that 27

sound harsh? It’s just been such a strain on everyone since . . . since 28

it happened. Maybe now we can at least move on.”

29

Kate raised a spoonful of broth to her lips. “Don’t count on it,”

30

she said. “It’s not like they even know who did it yet. There’s still 31

an investigation going on.”

32

Andrea glumly studied her snack. “Three weeks until Brent and 33

I leave on vacation, and I can’t wait, ” she said. “The way things are ort 34

going here, I may never come back.”

reg 35

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“From the looks of that white water, you’ll be lucky to get back,”

1

said Kate, recalling the roiling Chilean rapids in the travel poster 2

on Andrea’s office wall.

3

Andrea grinned. “Coward.”

4

After a few more spoonfuls of soup, Kate began to revive. She 5

looked across the table at Andrea. “Do you think it’s strange that 6

the women at Samson are so attractive?”

7

“Excuse me?” Andrea had no idea what she meant.

8

“I was just thinking that we’re all definitely . . . above average in 9

the looks department. I mean, why is that? Isn’t there a single top 10

female law grad who’s ugly or fat?”

11

Andrea shrugged. “I never really thought about it. And I’m not 12

even sure it’s true. What about Kara Ouelette and . . . well, I’d 13

have to think about it, but I’m sure there are others.”

14

Kara Ouelette was a pallid, overweight sixth-year associate who 15

seemed forever stuck in the library with the first-years.

16

“Okay, that makes one,” said Kate. “But think about it. As a 17

group, the women really are much better looking than the men.

18

Objectively speaking. You’d have to agree with that.”

19

Andrea smirked. “What about Justin?”

20

“The exception that proves the rule.”

21

“I don’t know, Kate. I guess you could be right. But so what? No 22

one ever said the world was fair.”

23

“No, but —” But what? At least its unfairness should be gender 24

neutral? Kate was having trouble sorting through her thoughts.

25

“You know, something sort of weird happened yesterday. I was get-26

ting a haircut, and —”

27

“It looks great, by the way,” Andrea interjected.

28

“Thanks. Anyway, I was talking to Hercules, and —”

29

“Talking to Hercules?” Andrea raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t that 30

strictly forbidden?”

31

“We talked after he cut my hair. Anyway, while we were talking, 32

Hercules told me that he used to be a paralegal at Samson & 33

Mills.”

34 sh

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“Really?” Andrea looked amused. “I’m glad that was before my 2

time. Can you imagine persuading Hercules that he needed to 3

hurry up with the copying? I can’t quite see it.”

4

“But wait, it gets stranger. Hercules said that it was Madeleine 5

who got him started cutting hair. He began by cutting her hair, and 6

then it sort of caught on.”

7

Andrea’s eyes opened wide. “I never would have guessed,” she 8

said.

9

Kate toyed with her soupspoon, trying to decide where to go 10

from here. She didn’t want to seem paranoid. Still, someone had 11

murdered Madeleine. She decided to press ahead.

12

“The thing is, Madeleine stopped going to Hercules a while 13

back,” Kate continued. “He didn’t tell me why. ActualIy, the 14

whole time we were talking about Madeleine, he seemed sort of 15

uncomfortable. And then, I noticed this one really disturbing 16

piece of his. A Barbie doll with a bunch of knitting needles stuck 17

through her body. So I’m looking at this creepy doll, and all of a 18

sudden I’m thinking how much she looks like Madeleine.”

19

“Kate.” Andrea looked at her severely. “You’re not saying that 20

you suspect Hercules of killing Madeleine?”

21

“Not suspect, exactly.” Kate was determined to hold her ground.

22

“And what’s the motive? Hair stylist desertion? If that were 23

enough to push someone over the brink, this city would be a 24

bloodbath.”

25

“Just because I don’t know the motive doesn’t mean there 26

couldn’t be one,” Kate said. “I just think that I should talk to the 27

investigators. And then there was that meeting I had with 28

Madeleine. Right before she died. When she told me that I should 29

be careful.”

30

Andrea met Kate’s eyes. “Listen, if it would make you feel better 31

to talk to the cops about Hercules, go ahead. But I really don’t 32

think you should mention the meeting. That thing about being 33

careful. It’ll just make you seem neurotic.”

ort 34

“But you don’t know how she sounded.” Kate could hear the de-reg 35

fensiveness in her voice.

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“Fine. I believe you. But think about how you sound. And what 1

would you really accomplish? What she said to you, it’s just too lit-2

tle to go on.”

3

Kate looked down at her plate. “I don’t know,” she said. “I guess 4

I’ll sleep on it.”

5

“Just remember, Kate, we’re junior associates, peons. We really 6

have to watch our step.”

7

w

8

Later in the day, Kate lay curled up in bed, sipping hot tea and 9

reading Sense and Sensibility. “Elinor saw, with concern, the excess 10

of her sister’s sensibility; but by Mrs. Dashwood it was valued and 11

cherished. . . . ” Only a little after five, but outside it was already 12

dark. A gust of wind made the window shudder. Reaching for the 13

wall unit next to her bed, Kate turned up the heat.

14

After saying good-bye to Andrea, Kate had returned home to 15

messages from Douglas and Tara. At the sound of Douglas’s voice, 16

she’d felt herself growing tense. I really enjoyed meeting you Friday.

17

Call me when you have a chance.

18

Now, tucked inside a warm bed, she just wanted to be alone.

19

Madeleine’s funeral seemed to have taken place days ago, rather 20

than that same afternoon. Kate thought about Madeleine’s par-21

ents, wondered what they were doing now. Were they consumed 22

with rage at their daughter’s killer? Or still numb and disbelieving?

23

As a child, Kate had found herself pondering questions of time 24

and space. How could time go on forever? Didn’t everything have 25

an end? But how could time not go on forever? The same thing 26

with space. How could it not be endless? But then, how could it 27

possibly be? She’d been a wakeful child, lying wide-eyed for long 28

hours after being kissed good night. There, in her small, dark room, 29

she’d examine these puzzles again and again, awash in a dizzy con-30

fusion.

31

How could it be?

32

And how could it not be?

33

It was the same thing with Madeleine’s murder. Someone was 34 sh

responsible for Madeleine’s death. Some living, breathing person 35 re

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1

had taken up tools and done unspeakable things to her body. It 2

seemed impossible that this person existed at all. At the same time, 3

Kate found herself suspecting everyone. It was part of the paradox: 4

if no one could have committed the crime, then anyone could 5

have done it.

6

Again, Kate’s thoughts returned to Hercules. Maybe she should 7

call Valencia after all. Even Andrea had seemed to think that 8

would be okay. Pushing back the covers, Kate climbed down from 9

her bed and went into the living room. She found Valencia’s card 10

in her purse, stuffed in a billfold compartment. Kate stared at it a 11

minute and then picked up the phone. She was still thinking what 12

to say when Valencia’s voice mail engaged.

13

“This is Kate Paine,” she began hesitantly. “I’m an associate at 14

Samson & Mills. We spoke on Thursday. There was just . . . some-15

thing I wanted to mention to you. I’ll be in the office tomorrow.

16

So . . . thanks.”

17

Hanging up the phone, Kate felt a slight sense of relief. It was 18

good to have done something — anything — aimed at finding 19

Madeleine’s killer.

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Monday, January 11

1

2

Another cold, bleak morning. A little before nine. Kate was ap-3

proaching the doors of Samson & Mills when she changed her 4

mind and turned a corner. She passed a row of dilapidated brown-5

stones, then proceeded on to the Mug, a storefront coffeehouse 6

with excellent lattés. Probably not the smartest move for someone 7

fending off a cold. But in the life of a Samson associate, efficiency 8

always trumped health.

9

The woman behind the counter was about Kate’s age, but there 10

the resemblance ended. She had multiple piercings and platinum 11

braids. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm gone punk.

12

“Here you go,” she said.

13

Holding her cup, Kate made her way to a couch by the window.

14

Her cough had gotten worse last night, and she’d downed two 15

doses of NyQuil before finally dropping off to sleep. By morning, 16

the cough had eased up, but she still felt hazy and tired, haunted by 17 sh

the remnants of dreams. Something about an airplane flight. An 18 re

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urgent meeting of sorts. She was flying to India, that was it, on her 2

way to meet Madeleine Waters. Then the plane had begun to go 3

down . . .

4

Engrossed in her thoughts, Kate didn’t notice the man who’d 5

come in behind her. He ordered a coffee and then, cup in hand, 6

headed over to where she was sitting.

7

“D’you mind if I have a seat?”

8

Kate started at the sound of his voice. “Oh! Sure.” She 9

scootched to one side of the lumpy couch to let the stranger sit 10

down.

11

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. He was tall, with curly dark 12

hair that tumbled over his forehead. He was wearing a black 13

leather jacket and jeans. He seemed slightly familiar, though she 14

wasn’t sure why.

15

“Do I know you from somewhere?” she asked.

16

He studied her face, then shook his head. “I don’t really think 17

so,” he said. Then, with a smile, he turned away.

18

Sipping her coffee, Kate stared outside at the midtown office 19

brigade. On days she was in good spirits, rush hour could seem al-20

most festive. Today it seemed meaningless. She looked at her cof-21

fee mug, at the milky brown liquid inside. She was trying to ignore 22

the man beside her, but she couldn’t seem to blot him out. It was 23

distracting to have someone so close. It wasn’t like there weren’t a 24

bunch of free seats. Would she be rude to get up and move?

25

“Hey, which of these do you like best?” The voice seemed to ex-26

plode in her ear.

27

“Sorry, I scared you again.” His teeth were very white, his eyes a 28

smoky green. He was holding two photographs.

29

It wasn’t like she really had a choice. Kate leaned forward and 30

looked. Both of the 8 x 10 prints showed the same exotic scene. A 31

massive ancient building on a river. Kate examined the pictures for 32

a long moment, surprised at what she saw.

33

“Did you take these?”

ort 34

“Yeah.”

reg 35

“They’re good.”

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“Thanks,” he said. He really had a very nice smile.

1

Kate turned her eyes back to the prints. She’d toyed with pho-2

tography herself for a time, taken several courses back in college.

3

Even fantasized about making it her profession. But looking at 4

work of this caliber, she knew she’d made the right decision. She 5

could never have been this good.

6

“Umm, this one, I think,” Kate said, pointing to the picture on 7

the right. She looked over at her neighbor with a new respect.

8

“Where were these taken?”

9

“In India. Varanasi. The Hindu holy city.”

10

“India.” Kate had an image of a plane, wings dipping low in the 11

sky. “Isn’t that strange. I dreamed about India last night.”

12

“Ever been there?” he asked.

13

“No,” Kate said. She felt an unaccountable wave of regret. Now 14

what was that about? “How long were you there?”

15

“Three weeks. On assignment.”

16

“Really!” Kate no longer felt tempted to leave. She noticed an 17

open box of prints. “Are those all yours?”

18

He nodded.

19

“May I look?”

20

One by one, Kate examined the prints. Most of them looked 21

like India — temples, markets, camels — but at the end came sev-22

eral seascapes.

23

“These last two, they’re different.”

24

“Those were taken closer to home. I live in Sag Harbor. On 25

Long Island.”

26

“Beautiful.” Kate looked at her watch. Almost 9:30. “I really 27

need to get to work.” Reluctantly, she handed back the photo-28

graphs.

29

“You work around here?”

30

“Yes, I’m a . . . a lawyer,” Kate said. She felt suddenly self-31

conscious, as if she should explain herself. She waited for the in-32

evitable lawyer joke, but this time it didn’t come.

33

“What kind of law?” Howell asked.

34 sh

“I work for a firm, in litigation.”

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“Which firm?”

2

“It’s called Samson & Mills.” Braced for a barrage of questions, 3

Kate was relieved when Howell let it drop. Of course, he lived out 4

on Long Island. Maybe he hadn’t heard.

5

Putting on her cape, she lingered a moment, thinking about the 6

pictures. “So do you ever show your work around here?”

7

“As a matter of fact, I have an exhibit now. In Sag Harbor. At 8

the Cavanaugh Gallery.” He casually extended his hand. “I’m 9

Sam, by the way. Sam Howell.”

10

“Kate Paine.” His hand was large and warm. “Do you ever have 11

shows in the city?”

12

“Nothing planned right now. But Sag Harbor’s an easy day trip.

13

It’s nice this time of year. The tourists have all gone home. You 14

should think about coming out.”

15

16

17

Half an hour later, Kate was editing her memo when the ringing 18

phone made her jump. Still reading, she reached for the receiver.

19

“Ms. Paine?”

20

“Speaking.”

21

“This is Detective Valencia.” A pause. “I’m returning the mes-22

sage you left me.”

23

“Oh! Right. I called you last night.” Kate took a moment to shift 24

modes. It was a little dizzying, this moving back and forth between 25

the worlds of corporate law and urban violence.

26

“What can I do for you?”

27

“It’s probably nothing,” Kate said. “But I was getting my hair 28

trimmed this weekend by this guy who cuts hair for a lot of the 29

women associates here. He’s sort of a strange character. Anyway, 30

he told me that Madeleine —”

31

“I’m sorry, Ms. Paine, I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you talk-32

ing about Hercules Spivak?”

33

Spivak. Kate realized that she’d never known Hercules’s last ort 34

name. “How did you —”

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1 6 7

was dry. “We spoke to him. At his loft.” She paused. Kate tried to 1

imagine Valencia’s reaction to Hercules’s artistic oeuvre. Had she 2

noticed the Barbie doll?

3

“Then this probably isn’t anything new. It’s just that he used to 4

be a paralegal at Samson. I didn’t know that before. He worked 5

with Madeleine. He also cut her hair. She was actually his first 6

Samson client.”

7

“I see.” said Valencia. Her tone was neutral. Kate couldn’t tell if 8

she was surprised. “Aside from his prior acquaintance with Ms.

9

Waters, is there anything else about this man that seems signifi-10

cant to you?”

11

“Well, if you were down at his loft, you probably noticed 12

his . . . artwork.”

13

“Yes.” Again, the same dispassionate tone.

14

“There was this one piece that caught my eye,” Kate said. “A 15

Barbie doll that sort of reminded me of Madeleine. It was partly 16

the coloring, I guess — pale skin and dark hair. Also, the way that 17

the hair was arranged, sort of rippling out from her head. Anyway, 18

he’d done this really brutal thing to the doll, stabbing her again and 19

again with knitting needles. There must have been six or seven of 20

them, sticking out from the body. And it made me think . . .”

21

Kate’s voice trailed off.

22

“I did see the doll,” Valencia said. Her voice had softened a bit.

23

“Ms. Paine, do you have any reason to think that Hercules had any 24

recent dealings with Ms. Waters?”

25

“No. Like I said, it’s probably nothing.”

26

“Is there anything else that comes to mind, anything that wor-27

ries you?”

28

Kate paused for a moment, recalling Hercules’s looming form as 29

he watched her descend the stairs. “No,” she said finally. “I don’t 30

think so.”

31

“Well, please don’t hesitate to call back if you think of anything 32

else. We need all the help we can get. Oh, and Ms. Paine? I 33

wouldn’t want you to worry too much about Mr. Spivak. He was 34 sh

out of town the night that Ms. Waters was killed.”

35 re

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1

As she hung up the phone, Kate was feeling sheepish. Andrea 2

was right: she needed to get a grip. She returned her attention to 3

the memo, erasing all other thoughts.

4

She’d been working intently for some time when she was star-5

tled by a knock on the door.

6

“Greetings,” said Peyton. “Hope I didn’t frighten you.”

7

Already, Kate felt at a slight disadvantage. Peyton had a way of 8

doing that. Today, he was wearing a dark suit and bow tie, along 9

with a pair of tiny glasses with hexagonal steel-rimmed frames.

10

The glasses were a calculated risk, an ironic twist to the starched 11

propriety of his clothing. Against all odds, it seemed to work.

12

“So let’s see what you have.” Peyton settled into a chair and 13

folded his hands before him. Kate recognized the gesture immedi-14

ately: vintage Carter Mills.

15

“I’ve summarized the relevant law on sexual harassment,” Kate 16

said, handing him her current draft. “I’m still finishing up one sec-17

tion — the standard by which a claim is evaluated. Basically, the 18

conduct at issue has to be both subjectively and objectively outra-19

geous. In other words, it’s not enough that a given plaintiff was 20

outraged by what happened if a so-called reasonable woman would 21

not also have been. And vice versa. If a reasonable woman would 22

have been outraged, but this particular plaintiff would not have 23

been — again, there’s no cause of action.”

24

“So, if we could show that Friedman was less sensitive than most 25

women to sexually aggressive conduct, that should help us, right?”

26

“Exactly.”

27

“And what about the state law claims?”

28

“I’m still looking into them.”

29

“What can you tell me so far?”

30

Kate glanced at her notes. “In the first section, I’ve considered 31

the various grounds on which we could move for pretrial dismissal 32

of the sexual harassment claims.”

33

“And?”

ort 34

“I don’t think we have any really strong arguments. The action reg 35

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1 6 9

is timely. Well within the statute of limitations. And Friedman 1

properly filed with the EEOC before moving to federal court.”

2

“So where does that leave us?”

3

“As I see it, we have two main avenues of defense. First, we’ll 4

want to show that Friedman had no problem with Thorpe’s behav-5

ior. That she was a willing participant in whatever went on. That 6

in itself should dispose of her claim. Second, as I was just saying, 7

we’ll argue that Thorpe’s conduct wasn’t outrageous. And that, 8

even if it might have been seen that way by some women, it 9

wouldn’t have been seen that way by Friedman. Based on what 10

Carter says — and on our meeting yesterday with Linda Morris —

11

I think we’ll have strong arguments on all of these points. Still, 12

they’re all factual issues, and that means we can’t get a pretrial dis-13

missal.”

14

“What’s this about the First Amendment?” Peyton was pointing 15

to a footnote.

16

“It’s a thought I had,” Kate said. She felt a surge of intellectual 17

pleasure in Peyton’s quick grasp of the issues. He’d rapidly zeroed in 18

on the one innovative section of what was, for the most part, a 19

pedestrian summary of current law.

20

“It’s like this,” Kate said. “To prevail on her sexual harassment 21

claim, Friedman has to show that Thorpe’s advances were unwel-22

come. My point is that this kind of factual showing should be a lot 23

more difficult here than it would be in other workplace situations.

24

Everyone knows that Catch is basically a sex magazine. When 25

Friedman took a job at Catch, she had to assume that the work-26

place atmosphere would be sexualized. How do you put out that 27

kind of magazine if you’re prohibited from discussing the subjects it 28

contains? It’s like Thorpe said — what did she expect, Good 29

Housekeeping? ”

30

Peyton looked reflective. “Isn’t that basically arguing that she 31

assumed the risk of sexual harassment? That’s a common-law doc-32

trine. It sounds like you’re trying to import common law into a fed-33

eral statutory regime.”

34 sh

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Kate paused to consider. Under the Supremacy Clause of the 2

U.S. Constitution, federal law always trumped state law. The rule 3

of preemption. Peyton was right in stating that assumption of 4

risk — a doctrine aimed at barring suits by plaintiffs who had 5

knowingly entered high-risk situations — was a principle derived 6

from state common law, principles enunciated in the binding deci-7

sions of state judges. But that hardly ended the debate.

8

“I don’t think so,” said Kate. “It might also constitute assump-9

tion of risk — and then you’re right, we’d have preemption prob-10

lems — but what we’re really considering here is whether the 11

conduct was unwelcome. That’s the standard set forth under federal 12

law. Look at it this way. If you came into my office and started de-13

manding lurid details of my sex life, you should expect me to be 14

outraged. We’re lawyers. That sort of information obviously has no 15

possible bearing on our work together.”

16

Peyton’s face was impassive. Hard to say if she was making any 17

headway. But she was in her element here, confident of where the 18

argument was heading. She plunged ahead.

19

“Now compare that with Friedman’s case. When Thorpe asks 20

her about sexual stuff, there’s arguably a legitimate business pur-21

pose. In other words, there’s a legitimate nondiscriminatory reason for 22

the discussion.”

23

“I’ll have to think about it,” Peyton said. “But you still haven’t 24

explained how the First Amendment fits in.”

25

“It’s a supporting argument. The First Amendment protects the 26

media’s right to free speech. My point is that if you prevent Chuck 27

Thorpe — or anyone else, for that matter — from engaging in es-28

sential editorial activities, you inhibit their constitutionally pro-29

tected right to speak.”

30

“The First Amendment doesn’t protect obscenity,” Peyton ob-31

served.

32

Peyton was right. In the so-called marketplace of ideas, obscen-33

ity was the outcast, deprived of the most basic First Amendment ort 34

protections. Never mind that no one seemed quite sure just where reg 35

to draw the line. But she was ready for the objection.

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“Catch isn’t obscene,” Kate said. “Just because there are some 1

racy pictures doesn’t mean you can write it off as pornography.”

2

“Like feeding Anita Hill through a meat grinder?”

3

Kate held her ground. “You’re just making my point. Catch con-4

tains political speech — the sort of speech that’s at the heart of the 5

First Amendment. The sort of speech the founding fathers were 6

most concerned with protecting. The sexual harassment story 7

should be our Exhibit A. It’s a spirited discussion of controversial 8

political issues. Exactly the sort of speech the First Amendment 9

was designed to protect. That story should help us, not hurt us.

10

That’s the beauty of it. We’d be taking their own evidence and us-11

ing it against them.”

12

Kate felt herself warming to the argument, trying to win Peyton 13

over. It was her favorite part of law, figuring out novel ways around 14

seemingly intractable roadblocks. There weren’t so many opportu-15

nities for it as a young associate; too much grunt work to get 16

through. But that would change as the years went by.

17

Peyton seemed intrigued, though undecided.

18

“I’ll have to think about it,” he said again. “We’ll talk when I’ve 19

read the cases.”

20

That was one of the good things about Peyton. It was standard 21

procedure for senior associates to steal ideas from more junior at-22

torneys, presenting them as their own. Peyton didn’t play those 23

games. He was good, and the partners knew it. He could afford to 24

share the credit.

25

Kate looked at Peyton curiously. From the neck up, he looked 26

like a promoter for an alternative band. Below that, the conserv-27

ative dark suit gave him away. Still, you had to admire him for 28

pressing the boundaries, for pushing convention without posing a 29

threat. Flair without subversion. Where had that impulse come 30

from? Funny how you could work with someone every day and still 31

know very little about him.

32

“What did you study in college?” Kate asked.

33

“Pardon?”

34 sh

“I know it’s a non sequitur. I was just . . . wondering.”

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Peyton gave her a pleasant smile. “I studied classics,” he said.

2

“Classics?” Kate could hear the surprise in her voice. “I would 3

have guessed economics or maybe even philosophy. But classics?

4

It’s so . . . literary.”

5

“Well, yes,” Peyton said dryly. “Anything else that you’d like to 6

know?”

7

“Yeah,” Kate grinned. “Have you always had a thing for funky 8

glasses?”

9

The corners of Peyton’s mouth edged slightly upward. Almost as 10

if he was enjoying himself. “Now that’s a fairly recent innovation.

11

My sister has a friend who’s a designer. She gives me the men’s 12

samples. Like them?” So Peyton had a sister. She never would have 13

guessed.

14

“They’re quite . . . striking,” Kate said. “Can you see without 15

them?”

16

“Not a thing. Blind as a bat.”

17

“Your eyes can’t possibly be as bad as mine,” Kate said. “I can’t 18

even see the big E on that eye exam chart.”

19

“That’s nothing,” said Peyton. “I can’t even see the chart. ”

20

“Come on, you’re just trying to one-up me,” Kate said. “Here, 21

trade. Let me put on your glasses.”

22

Peyton rolled his eyes but complied, though he declined Kate’s 23

proffer of her own frames.

24

As Kate raised Peyton’s glasses to her eyes, the room flew into 25

focus.

26

“This is amazing,” Kate said. “It’s like we have exactly the same 27

prescription. Or maybe I need my eyes examined. I think your pre-28

scription’s better than my own.”

29

Peyton reached out his hand. “Well, Kate, this is all quite inter-30

esting, but I’ve got some work to do.” Placing his glasses back on 31

his nose, he pushed back his chair and stood up. “Why don’t you 32

finish the research this evening. I’ll take a look at what you’ve 33

written so far.”

ort 34

After Peyton left, Kate looked out the window, at the Hudson reg 35

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River sunk in fog. The meeting had gone pretty well, she decided.

1

Better than she would have thought. She congratulated herself on 2

how she’d handled Peyton, even getting him to loosen up a bit.

3

Then, still staring out the window, she had a disturbing thought.

4

Throughout the duration of the meeting, Madeleine’s name hadn’t 5

come up once.

6

Madeleine had been killed on Tuesday. Less than a week ago.

7

And already it could almost seem as if she’d never existed at all.

8

9

10

By the time Kate finished up work in the firm library, it was after 11

ten. Still, she wanted to get her thoughts on paper before going 12

home for the night. She’d learned from experience that, like 13

dreams, her legal theories often slipped from her mind if she didn’t 14

capture them right away. Hoisting a stack of Federal Reporters, she 15

waved good night to Justin, who was still scribbling away in a cu-16

bicle by the window. Seeing him there, his handsome features con-17

sumed in thought, gave her a settled, peaceful feeling. It was as if 18

they were back at Harvard. Just another late night at Langdell.

19

Back on the fifty-first floor, Kate swung by Andrea’s office for a 20

quick chat, but the door was closed and locked. She turned back 21

and headed for her own office. The firm seemed to have shut down 22

early tonight. She didn’t see a single person. Nearing her office, she 23

saw the door was shut. The cleaning crew must have closed up.

24

Kate felt a flash of annoyance. Maybe it was silly, but she wanted 25

colleagues to know that she was working late. The brightly lit of-26

fice was a badge of honor, a sign that you were pulling your weight.

27

Shifting her books to one hip, Kate fumbled in her purse for keys.

28

As she stepped into her dark office, Kate instantly knew some-29

thing was wrong. Before any further thought could form, she spun 30

around, back toward the door.

31

But it was already too late.

32

A powerful arm clamped around her neck, while a hand 33

smashed over her mouth. Her body went rigid, arching out reflex-34 sh

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1

ively like a fish on the end of a hook. Her load of books dropped to 2

the ground. She tried to scream but no sound came out. She could 3

hear someone breathing behind her.

4

“Just keep quiet. ” The commanding voice was familiar, but Kate 5

was too disoriented to make a connection. “I don’t want to hurt 6

you. ”

7

Her attacker exuded a pungent odor, frightening and unfamiliar.

8

Heat radiated from his body in waves. Before Kate knew what was 9

happening, a large hand forced open her mouth, shoving a wad of 10

something soft inside it. Then she felt a band of cloth being 11

wrapped tightly once, twice, three times around her jaw. Having 12

completed this task, her assailant pinned her arms to her sides and 13

pushed her toward the back of the office. His arms pressed against 14

her like a vise. She bucked forward, trying to break free, but the 15

grip only tightened.

16

“You keep doing this, and these hands are going to be around your 17

neck, ” the voice whispered matter-of-factly.

18

Kate let her limbs go slack.

19

Then he was hurling her into the corner at the rear of her office, 20

his heavy body crushing her back into the place where the two 21

walls met. Kate could feel herself trembling uncontrollably. She 22

could barely breathe. If only she could see, she’d be able to get her 23

bearings. The office was dark, so dark. It was then that she realized 24

what had alerted her to danger in the first place. The lack of light.

25

Always, when she entered her office, the lights flashed on. But that 26

hadn’t happened this time.

27

“This will all be over before you know it, ” the voice continued.

28

“Just relax and try to enjoy it. ”

29

Try to enjoy it. The hand resting on her right shoulder began to 30

move slowly downward, stopping when it reached her breast.

31

Then, rhythmically, the hand began to squeeze, softly at first and 32

then harder.

33

“You like that, don’t you, ” the voice crooned. “Don’t worry, we’re ort 34

just getting started. ”

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the wall, there was no place to go. She tried to think, to come up 1

with a plan, but her mind seemed to be short-circuiting. The hand 2

that had been squeezing her breast began to travel farther down 3

her body. She felt a rough tug at her skirt followed by the sound of 4

fabric ripping. The garment dropped to her ankles, and a hand was 5

clawing at her stockings, pulling them down along with her beige 6

bikini panties. She felt fingers against her, fumbling. Then, with a 7

sharp flash of pain, he was inside her, fingers ramming up her body.

8

Back and forth the fingers went, deeper and deeper, tearing at the 9

dry interior tissue.

10

“Come on, baby, relax. ” She could feel her assailant’s heavy 11

breath against her cheek, its pace increasing as his hand moved 12

more quickly. While tears gathered in her eyes, another part of her 13

remained the objective observer. Thoughts floated through, but 14

they seemed to come from outside her. He’s going to rape you, the 15

thoughts said. And then he’s going to kill you. And there’s nothing you 16

can do about it.

17

As the thrusting inside her grew harder, she saw the outlines of 18

a bobbing head pressed hard against her breast. Her eyes were ad-19

justing to the dark.

20

“Come on, now, come on. ”

21

That voice, so familiar. But where . . . Then, in a blinding mo-22

ment, she knew exactly who it was.

23

Chuck Thorpe.

24

The shock of the realization was so great that she almost 25

stopped breathing. At the same instant, almost as if he could read 26

her mind, Thorpe stopped. He roughly pulled his hand from her 27

body, wiping it on her black suit jacket. Stepping back, he held her 28

firmly in place, his hands pressing into her shoulders.

29

“I guess that’s enough for tonight. ” Kate could make out a sneering 30

smile. “You really should learn to relax, Ms. Paine. ”

31

Kate stared across the room, her mind still struggling to com-32

prehend what had just happened. From the corner of her eye, she 33

watched Thorpe brush off his clothes. Still watching her, he picked 34 sh

up the jacket he’d dropped on the built-in bookshelf and put it on.

35 re

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1

Then he opened the office door and sauntered out. Kate was 2

vaguely aware of minutes passing. Still, she continued to gaze 3

straight ahead, leaning against the wall where he’d left her.

4

It was some time before she thought to move.

5

6

7

During the ride home, Kate sat silently in the backseat of the taxi 8

she’d flagged down outside the building. On a normal night, she 9

would have called for a car from one of the fleets retained by the 10

firm to transport its late-working minions. But this was no normal 11

night. The familiar sights of Broadway flashed by. She tried to fo-12

cus on her surroundings, anything to stop herself from thinking.

13

The deli where she sometimes grabbed a tuna fish sandwich. A 14

burned-out fast-food joint, charred and vacant. All she wanted was 15

to be home, alone, safe behind her own locked door.

16

An interminable fifteen minutes later, she was closing and bolt-17

ing her apartment door. She scanned the familiar room. The well-18

worn sofa still cluttered with remnants of this morning’s Times.

19

The desk piled high with papers and unopened mail. The tall 20

bookcases against the right wall. Everything was just as she’d left it.

21

And yet, instead of calming her, the effect was one of further dis-22

location. Objects she’d left that morning — a half-full coffee mug 23

on the pine coffee table, a blue glass vase full of dried flowers —

24

seemed alien, sinister in their blank indifference. This apartment 25

belonged to the woman she’d been before, to a person who no 26

longer existed.

27

Slowly, as if she were a visitor in her own home, Kate walked to 28

the small hall closet and hung up her cape. Then, in a burst of mo-29

tion, she headed for the bathroom. Stripping off her crumpled 30

clothing, she turned on the shower full blast and stepped inside.

31

The water was scalding, but she didn’t try to adjust it. She almost 32

welcomed the pain, as if it could somehow erase what had hap-33

pened.

ort 34

For some time, Kate stood immobile under the stinging jets of reg 35

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of soap and a loofah sponge and began to scrub, first gently and 1

then harder. She could feel her skin smarting beneath the rough 2

strokes, but she didn’t care. All that mattered was getting rid of any 3

traces of Chuck Thorpe. She brought her whole concentration to 4

bear, moving over her body piece by piece, inch by inch, washing 5

herself from head to toe. Still, she didn’t feel clean enough. She 6

could feel Chuck Thorpe’s heavy weight pressing against her chest, 7

his hands, damp and insistent, roaming over her body. As torrents 8

of water pounded against her, Kate retraced the path again, paying 9

special attention to the places that Thorpe had touched. Her 10

shoulders. Her breasts. Between her legs. Finally done with this 11

task, she squeezed a glob of shampoo into her palm and started in 12

on her hair.

13

It was half an hour before Kate emerged from the bathroom, her 14

head wrapped in a towel, her body encased in a full-length robe.

15

After the dull roar of the shower, the empty silence of her apart-16

ment filled her with a vague unease. As she pulled the terry-cloth 17

length of her robe more tightly around her body, Kate could feel a 18

pulse beating in her head. Then, without warning, she was hit by a 19

blinding rage. The emotion seemed to come from somewhere out-20

side her, storming the fragile battlements of her self-control. It all 21

came back to her, the scent of Thorpe’s sweat, the sound of his 22

breathing, the sensation of his hands on her breast, between her 23

legs. Anger surged through her like an electric current. There was 24

nothing rational about this feeling, nothing reasoned or consid-25

ered. Thinking of Thorpe, she wanted, quite simply, to destroy 26

him.

27

Then, just as quickly, the rage receded, leaving her desolate and 28

alone.

29

What was she going to do?

30

The obvious next step was to call the police. And yet, what 31

would that really accomplish? People would arrive; phones would 32

ring; events would be set in motion. She saw herself in a hospital, 33

interrogated by uniformed officers, klieg lights shining down on 34 sh

her body. Instead of the independent woman she’d struggled to be-35 re

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1

come, she’d now be known as a victim. Someone to be questioned, 2

pitied, and examined. Someone who, unable to protect herself, 3

had been forced to seek help from strangers.

4

This was not who she wanted to be.

5

Leaning against the wall, Kate pressed her hand to her face. If 6

she could just calm down, think more clearly. If she could just shut 7

down her emotions and let her mind work, her cool, analytic 8

mind. Then she could figure out what to do.

9

A drink. Maybe that would help. Somewhere in the kitchen she 10

had a bottle of red wine, a Christmas gift from a legal transcription 11

company. She located the dusty bottle in a cabinet behind a stash 12

of seldom-used pots and pans. Chateau Whyte Legal Services. She’d 13

kept it as a sort of joke, the ultimate bottle of bad Long Island 14

wine. But tonight she’d hardly know the difference. Kate’s hands 15

trembled as she jammed a corkscrew into the bottle, and it took a 16

few yanks before she finally pulled out the cork. She took a wine-17

glass out of a cabinet and filled it almost to the brim. Still standing 18

at the counter, she took two long gulps. Then, carrying the glass 19

along with the bottle, she moved to the living room.

20

For a moment, she thought of calling someone. Tara or Andrea.

21

Or maybe Justin. Someone who could help her decide what to do 22

next. But she already knew what they’d say: they would tell her to 23

call the police. And she couldn’t do that. At least not yet.

24

And it wasn’t just the immediate repercussions. There was also 25

the question of her career.

26

Even if the charges stuck, her career at Samson & Mills would 27

be effectively over. WideWorld Media was one of Samson’s most 28

valued clients, an account worth millions of dollars a year. If she 29

accused Chuck Thorpe of sexual assault, she’d be launching an at-30

tack on WideWorld as well. Samson could never continue to rep-31

resent Chuck Thorpe in a sexual harassment case when one of its 32

own lawyers had accused him of sexual assault. LAWYER AT-33

TACKED BY SEX MAG MAGNATE. She could see the tabloid ort 34

headlines now.

reg 35

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over Madeleine’s partnership election had drawn news coverage, 1

just think what would happen now. One female partner murdered.

2

Another attacked by a client. Samson would be caught in a media 3

feeding frenzy. And it would all be her fault. Or so it would seem.

4

So what if Chuck Thorpe was a psychopath? She would still be the 5

one to pay the price. Nothing — not her Harvard degree, not the 6

countless hours she’d put in at the firm — would be able to salvage 7

her career. She could already imagine how events would unfold.

8

She would be questioned gently, respectfully. She would be granted 9

a paid leave to recuperate and rest. Everything would be done to 10

show that the firm had her best interests at heart. The partners 11

would act as though they were on her side, as though things would 12

go on as before.

13

But everything would have changed.

14

Instead of a valued member of the Samson team, she would have 15

become an outsider, a quantity to be contained and controlled.

16

And when the furor had died down, she’d be urged to seek other 17

employment. All for her own good, of course. They would do any-18

thing they could to help her. But they wouldn’t want her around.

19

Her presence would be inextricably linked to a scandal they hoped 20

to forget. Even if they believed her, they still wouldn’t want her 21

around.

22

She’d have to start over. Again. The thought filled her with de-23

spair. It was as if she’d been starting over her whole life. Her par-24

ents’ divorce. Her mother’s death. Michael’s betrayal. An endless 25

succession of things breaking down. At Samson, she’d thought she 26

finally would be able to rest. That in exchange for all her hard 27

work, she’d be allowed to take root in one place. But now . . .

28

Taking another long sip of wine, Kate let her head fall back on 29

the sofa. As if from a great distance, she looked back on the 30

evening’s events. Her late-night return to a darkened office. The 31

surprise attack. The moment she’d first seen Thorpe’s profile.

32

Again, a burst of anger shot through her. Chuck Thorpe. Who 33

was he to place her in this position? To force her to give up every-34 sh

thing she’d worked so hard to achieve? But there was something 35 re

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1

muted about the anger. Mingling with rage, she sensed another 2

emotion, subtle but growing stronger.

3

Doubt.

4

It nagged at the edges of her mind, crowding out other thoughts.

5

Had she really done all she could to fight back? Or was this whole 6

thing partly her fault? Why didn’t you struggle? He didn’t have a 7

weapon, at least none you could see. Why didn’t you try to get away?

8

Kate drank down what was left in her glass and poured another.

9

She drank patiently, industriously, waiting for relief. Slowly, almost 10

imperceptibly, a heavy warmth settled in her stomach, like a cat 11

curling up for a nap. Minutes passed. Kate drank some more and 12

felt the glow build.

13

I should do this more often, she thought. How wonderful not to feel.

14

Maybe she should just try to forget about this, pretend that it 15

hadn’t happened. . . . But that was ridiculous. You couldn’t just let 16

it go, not something like this . . . or could you? Worse things, much 17

worse things, happened on the streets of New York every day.

18

Madeleine Waters’s murder, for one. Here she was, safe at home, 19

drinking a bottle of wine. Anyone who saw her now would see a 20

woman to be envied. She still had her health, her job, her home.

21

Nothing external had changed. Was it really so terrible what had 22

happened to her? Or was she overreacting? Even if they believed 23

her, would the New York police really care? She was still sentient.

24

Still in one piece. She hadn’t even been raped.

25

Or had she?

26

With an involuntary shudder, she remembered the brutal thrust 27

of Thorpe’s hand, his fingers groping around inside her. Penetra-28

tion, yes, just not with the usual object. It was like an issue-spotter 29

question on a law school exam, where they tried to trick you by 30

switching the facts. Penetration, yes; penis, no. What result? She 31

could feel laughter welling up inside her, but what came out was a 32

strangled bark.

33

Kate took another long drink of wine. Through a deepening ort 34

haze, she tried to remember what she’d learned in school. But it reg 35

was so long ago, those Crim Law lectures in Pound Hall, and 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 181

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

1 8 1

they’d barely touched on rape. Never discussed the physical re-1

quirements at all that she recalled. She could summon up only bits 2

and pieces, odd fragments of information that had astonished or 3

interested her. Like the fact that rape prosecutions had once re-4

quired the testimony of a corroborating witness, an effective bar to 5

all but the rarest of cases since even the clumsiest of rapists gener-6

ally works alone. Or the largely discarded requirement that women 7

fight off their rapists, no matter that they fear for their lives. No re-8

sistance, no rape.

9

Placing her wineglass on the coffee table, Kate abruptly stood 10

up. The room spun for a moment, and she steadied herself by lean-11

ing against the wall. Walking toward the full-length mirror on her 12

bedroom door, she stepped out of her robe, careful not to trip on 13

the sagging hem. Standing unsteadily before the mirror, she stud-14

ied her unclothed form. Leaning forward, she looked closely at her 15

face. Then, craning her neck, she turned around, examining the 16

backs of her arms and legs. Except for the wild flush that stained 17

her cheeks, her skin was a translucent white. The eyes that met 18

hers gleamed feverishly, the glittering eyes of a stranger.

19

Done with the examination, Kate put her robe back on and re-20

turned to the couch. She picked up her wineglass and drained it.

21

Then she poured another glass. No marks. No signs. No evidence.

22

Just her word against Chuck Thorpe’s. She herself could almost be-23

gin to doubt whether the thing she remembered had happened.

24

Leaning back into the sofa cushions, Kate studied the wine bot-25

tle on the coffee table. Almost empty.

26

Time to drink up.

27

Kate tipped the last of the crimson liquid into her glass. Crim-28

son. The color of Harvard. The color of blood. Her mind went to 29

Madeleine Waters, her body lying splayed and brutalized near the 30

riverbank. Then, with a start, she sat upright, her heart beating 31

hard in her chest. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? You have to 32

be very careful. It all came together. Madeleine had been warning her 33

about Chuck Thorpe. She thought of Carmen Rodriguez’s words, 34 sh

the day after Madeleine’s body was found: They used her to keep 35 re

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1

Thorpe happy. Finally she stood up for herself and look what hap-2

pened. . . .

3

And look what happened.

4

As the words echoed in her brain, a wave of dizziness descended.

5

Kate looked at the bottle of wine. Empty. It occurred to her that 6

she was very, very drunk. She could feel her mind growing dimmer, 7

as if someone had pulled a plug. The point that had struck her with 8

such urgency had utterly slipped from her mind. What was it 9

again? Something about Madeleine . . . Madeleine and Chuck 10

Thorpe . . .

11

It was no use. Tomorrow. She’d come back to it all tomorrow.

12

For now she just needed to sleep.

13

Lifting herself off the couch, Kate staggered through her bed-14

room doorway. She peeled off her bathrobe, and pulled out a 15

nightgown from a dresser drawer. The flannel garment was freshly 16

washed, smelling of laundry detergent. A gift from her mother 17

many years ago. Tears sprang to Kate’s eyes. And then the emotion 18

faded, giving way to a blissful void. Collapsing onto her bed, Kate 19

lay still for a moment in the dark. Then, she pulled back the cov-20

ers and slipped between the sheets.

21

Within minutes, her mind went blank.

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Tuesday, January 12

1

2

Kate woke up five hours later with a pounding headache and a 3

mouth that tasted as if a small rodent had curled up inside. It was 4

still dark out as she stumbled to the bathroom. Without bothering 5

to flip on the light, she turned on the tap. She drank deeply, scoop-6

ing up long gulps of water with her hands, letting the cold liquid 7

course down her throat.

8

Leaving the bathroom, Kate tripped over something, a towel 9

perhaps, and bent over to pick it up. Then she stopped cold.

10

There, in a pathetic pile, were the crumpled, torn remains of the 11

black suit she’d worn yesterday. With its fitted jacket and kick-12

pleat skirt, this outfit had been one of her favorites. Now, she 13

stared at it in revulsion. Her first impulse was to bundle up the 14

whole pile and toss it down the building’s trash chute. But the 15

lawyer in her protested. If any evidence remained of Thorpe’s at-16

tack, it was probably on this clothing. And while she didn’t plan to 17 sh

press charges, there was nothing to be gained from discarding 18 re

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1

whatever proof she had. Stomach heaving, she went to the kitchen 2

and pulled out a garbage bag from under the sink. Returning to the 3

bathroom, she knelt on the floor. Gingerly, with thumb and fore-4

finger, she picked up first the skirt, then the jacket, and dropped 5

them into the black plastic bag. Then, cinching the yellow draw-6

string tight, she tossed the whole thing into a hall closet and firmly 7

shut the door.

8

An hour and three glasses of orange juice later, Kate decided to 9

call in sick. It was a little after eight. She left a voice mail message 10

for Jennifer, pleading the flu and saying that she could be reached 11

at home if needed. Then she toddled back to the kitchen for more 12

fluids.

13

Now, in the light of day, she was relieved that she hadn’t called 14

the police. It was definitely the right decision. Far better to pro-15

ceed quietly. Tomorrow morning she’d go to Carter Mills and to-16

gether they’d decide what to do. She’d describe the situation 17

calmly, making clear that she was loyal to the firm, that she had no 18

intention of creating trouble. Her recital would be slow and meas-19

ured, devoid of emotional overtones. She would behave, in a word, 20

like a Samson attorney.

21

Back on the living room sofa, Kate picked up the remote control 22

and snapped on the television. In a strange way, she was glad to 23

feel hungover. The physical discomfort provided a focus, some-24

thing to keep her from thinking about last night. After all, there 25

was nothing to be done today. She’d spend the morning watching 26

television, something she hadn’t done since childhood.

27

Kate was halfway through a rerun of I Love Lucy when the 28

phone rang. Eyes still riveted to the flickering images, she waited 29

for her machine to pick up. The recording clicked on, bright and 30

alert. “I can’t take your call right now, but if you’ll leave a message, I’ll 31

get back to you as soon as I can. ” Could that really be her voice?

32

“Hey, Kate. Come on, I know you’re there. Pick up the phone.”

33

Breaking loose from her TV-induced trance, Kate grabbed the ort 34

receiver. “Hey, Justin.”

reg 35

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brisk and hearty, as if he’d just returned from the gym. In fact, he 1

probably had.

2

“Oh, you know . . . , I was coming down with something on 3

Sunday. I thought I’d got it kicked, but . . .” She felt uncomfortable 4

lying to Justin, but the prospect of disclosing the truth was even 5

more disturbing.

6

“You don’t sound so good,” Justin said.

7

“I was just dozing off. I didn’t sleep so well last night.” Kate 8

forced a cough, as if to underscore the point.

9

“Hey, I’m going to try to cut out of here early tonight for a 10

change,” Justin said. “How about if I stop over and bring you some 11

dinner?”

12

Kate felt a rush of gratitude. As usual, her refrigerator was al-13

most bare. And maybe some company would be good, prepare her 14

for the day to come. “That’s so nice of you,” Kate said. “Are you 15

sure you don’t mind?”

16

“Mind? Of course not. Hey, it’ll be like old times. Like we’re 17

back in school. ”

18

Kate knew he’d meant it as a joke, but she felt a pang. Old times.

19

Justin bringing her soup while she wept over Michael.

20

“That would be great, Justin,” Kate said. “I can’t thank you 21

enough.”

22

She’d just settled back into the couch when the phone rang 23

again. Thinking it was Justin calling back, Kate picked up without 24

waiting for the machine to kick in. But it was Tara.

25

“They said at work you were sick.” They. Jennifer had been 26

Kate’s secretary for more than a year, yet Tara could never seem to 27

remember her name. Just one of the subtle ways Tara showed her 28

antipathy to Samson & Mills.

29

“Well, they were right,” Kate said. “I’ve got the flu.”

30

“I can’t remember the last time you were sick,” Tara said. She 31

seemed uncertain how to continue. “It must really be bad to keep 32

you home.”

33

“I’ll be fine,” Kate said. “It’s just something going around. I’ll 34 sh

probably be better tomorrow.”

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“Well . . . , don’t force yourself to go back to work if you aren’t 2

ready. D’you need anything?”

3

“No, no. I’m all set. Justin’s going to bring over dinner.”

4

“You’re sure you don’t want me to come by?” For a moment, 5

Kate was tempted, lulled by the thought of a friendly presence. But 6

she just couldn’t risk it yet. Tara knew her too well. She’d know 7

that something was wrong. “No,” Kate said firmly. “Really, I’m fine.

8

Besides, I should probably get some sleep.”

9

When she hung up with Tara, it was just after ten. She still had 10

the whole day to fill. Her mind moved briefly to the night before 11

but she managed to stop herself. She didn’t want to think about 12

that. She didn’t want to think about anything.

13

Turning back to the TV screen, Kate watched the last few min-14

utes of I Love Lucy, then picked up the newspaper schedule to see 15

what came next. Roseanne, Grace Under Fire, and then Rikki Lake.

16

After that she could choose between The Newlywed Game — now 17

that was a blast from the past — and Jenny Jones. Surveying her 18

choices for the afternoon, Kate felt a sense of abundance. Show af-19

ter show all day. She’d spend the rest of the morning and all after-20

noon immobile and entertained.

21

She wouldn’t have to think at all.

22

23

24

“If you’ve gotta be sick, it’s better to make it a Monday,” said Kate, 25

peeking into a fragrant cardboard carton. “What have we got here?”

26

“Hot-and-sour soup,” said Justin, reaching into a bag. “From 27

that Vietnamese place around the corner.”

28

Kate dipped a plastic spoon into the take-out container.

29

“Mmmm. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

30

“So why Monday?” said Justin. “What difference does it make?”

31

“Better TV,” said Kate. “All of my favorite shows.”

32

Justin rolled his eyes. “Glad to see that you’ve got your priorities 33

in order.” He lifted out another soup container. “So how are you ort 34

feeling, anyway?”

reg 35

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“Better,” said Kate. “Really a lot better.” And, strangely enough, 1

she was. She’d spent most of the day sleeping and watching TV. Old 2

sitcoms with hokey plots and canned laugh tracks. The events of 3

last night had no place in that well-meaning world. And having no 4

place there, they’d ceased to exist. Now, sitting on the couch with 5

Justin, Kate was struck by a giddy sense of power, as if by pretend-6

ing that nothing had happened, she could actually make it so.

7

“So what’s going on at work?” Kate asked between spoonfuls 8

of spicy soup. She felt an urge to reconnect with the Samson & 9

Mills she knew, a fast-paced, rational world that hummed like a 10

well-oiled machine. A world where everything was clearly linked 11

by cause and effect. A world where violence never occurred.

12

“Let’s see.” Justin leaned back into the couch. “The big news to-13

day is that Drescher threw a stapler at a paralegal.”

14

Kate leaned forward. “He what? ”

15

“It was Erik Parks, a new kid. Just graduated from Amherst.

16

Anyway, Drescher had him stamping some huge document pro-17

duction. Parks had never done it before. He went back to ask 18

Drescher some question, and Drescher just started screaming at 19

him. Parks tried to back off, but I guess he wasn’t fast enough.”

20

Kate shook her head. Stories like this were the stuff of Samson 21

legend, usually evoking an incredulous amusement. And yet, 22

tonight Kate couldn’t quite see the humor. The story just seemed 23

bizarre. Bizarre and a little frightening.

24

“Did the stapler hit him?” she asked softly.

25

“No. He was plenty scared, though.” Justin bit into a spring roll 26

and chewed for a moment, reflective. Then he wiped his mouth 27

with a napkin. “I talked to him at lunch. I mean, he was trying to 28

laugh it off, but you could tell that it had freaked him out.”

29

“Well, of course. God.” Kate’s thoughts returned to her own re-30

cent confrontations with Drescher. The repressed rage in his face 31

when he’d expelled her from Madeleine’s office. Her narrow escape 32

later that evening, when she’d hidden under his desk. She’d really 33

gotten off easy. Nothing at all like last night. . . . In an instant, 34 sh

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she was back in her unlit office. She could feel Chuck Thorpe’s 2

hands.

3

No. Don’t think about that.

4

“Kate?” Justin was looking at her strangely.

5

“Sorry, I just lost my train of thought for a second. What were 6

you saying?”

7

“Just that I’ve got another one, another colorful story from the 8

annals of S&M.”

9

Justin was clearly relishing the opportunity to play raconteur, 10

and Kate made an effort to seem responsive. “Okay, shoot.”

11

“So do you know Daniel Weisbach?”

12

The name sounded vaguely familiar, but Kate didn’t feel up to 13

sorting through the possibilities. “Yeah, I think so,” she hedged.

14

“He’s a third-year. Went to law school at NYU.”

15

“Okay.”

16

“So he’s this really hard worker. But, because of the Sabbath, he 17

has to leave work early on Fridays and can’t work on Saturdays at 18

all. So he’s sort of been trying to make up for it by pulling these 19

constant all-nighters during the rest of the week.”

20

“And?”

21

“He was interviewing some guy from Harvard today for a sum-22

mer associate job. All of a sudden Weisbach starts feeling a little 23

queasy. He excuses himself, and steps out into the hall. His secre-24

tary instantly sees that something is wrong. Then Weisbach just 25

keels over. They call in the medics and cart him off to the hospital.

26

It turns out that he has walking pneumonia and a hundred-and-27

three-degree fever. Not to mention that he’s seriously dehydrated.

28

He said he’d been too busy to notice.”

29

Again, Kate shook her head. She tried to summon up a smile, 30

but it died on her lips. In the past, she’d reveled in the gallows hu-31

mor that accompanied the telling of these tales: the guy who com-32

mitted suicide after working two 125-hour weeks in a row; the 33

female associate who fell silent in the middle of a late-night con-ort 34

ference call only to be discovered later at her desk, phone still in reg 35

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hand, and very, very dead, the victim of a sudden heart attack. The 1

stories had always seemed unreal, like incidents from a movie. Kate 2

had even laughed. But tonight the reality hit her. These were real 3

people, real people who had died. What had she found to laugh at?

4

There was nothing funny about death.

5

“You know, in Japan there’s a word to describe people who drop 6

dead from overwork,” Kate said. “Karoshi. I read about it in the 7

paper.”

8

“Actually,” said Justin, “there are two words. There’s another 9

word — I don’t remember what it is — but it’s for cases of work-10

related suicide. As opposed to, well, whatever you call the other 11

kind. Spontaneous. Anyway, there’ve been a bunch of lawsuits, 12

where Japanese families are suing for compensation.”

13

“I wonder how you prove causation,” Kate said dryly.

14

“Got me.”

15

Kate was suddenly aghast at her train of thought. Was this what 16

being a lawyer did to you? Instead of responding as a human being, 17

you thought about how to prove a case?

18

“I don’t really see what the difference is,” she said gloomily.

19

“The difference with what?”

20

“Between karoshi and the other one, suicide from overwork. I 21

mean, it boils down to the same thing. What’s the difference be-22

tween forcing yourself to work so hard that you die and shooting 23

yourself in the head? One’s just faster, that’s all.”

24

“Interesting,” said Justin. “So I guess you’d say that all of us 25

S&M minions are engaged in some sort of group self-destruction.

26

We’re in the process of killing ourselves, we’re just not there yet.

27

Just bring on the Kool-Aid.”

28

“Kool-Aid?”

29

“Just a joke. You know. Jonestown. Where they drank the poi-30

soned Kool-Aid.”

31

“Oh. Yeah.” Kate was feeling increasingly depressed. It was as 32

though the room had suddenly grown smaller, darker. She sensed 33

Chuck Thorpe at its edges.

34 sh

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1

Justin sighed. “Come on, Kate. Lighten up. Have some more 2

soup.”

3

“Okay.” Obediently, Kate spooned up another mouthful. As she 4

swallowed the warm liquid, her thoughts moved to Madeleine 5

Waters.

6

“Is there any new word on Madeleine?” she asked.

7

“Just a couple of rumors,” Justin said. “The usual paranoid stuff 8

that she was done in by the partnership. Mills or Drescher. Or 9

maybe both of them working together. Along with the Pope, the 10

Trilateral Commission, and the IRS.”

11

Kate tried to laugh, but none of it seemed very funny. Again, the 12

memories pressed in on her. Chuck Thorpe’s hands on her body, 13

his breath on her face. The more she thought about it, the more 14

likely it seemed that Thorpe was Madeleine’s killer. Her mind 15

went back to the events of the past few days. Madeleine’s grip on 16

her shoulder, her urgent words: You have to be very careful. Carmen 17

Rodriguez’s fury. They made her have dinner with him, and God knows 18

what else. And then Thorpe’s brutal attack. Yes, she’d been very 19

drunk last night, but that didn’t mean that she’d been wrong. She 20

was sober now and could think it through. And the pieces of the 21

puzzle still fit, just as they had last night.

22

Justin didn’t seem to notice her distraction. He’d walked over to 23

the TV and was studying the weekly broadcast schedule.

24

“Wanna watch a stupid movie?”

25

“If you do,” Kate said.

26

Justin flipped on the television and returned to the couch. The 27

movie had already started. Two sisters — one rich, one poor —

28

were fighting over their mother’s estate, but really what they 29

wanted was each other’s love. Giving Justin a sideways glance, 30

Kate felt a surge of gratitude that he was here tonight. He’d always 31

been there when she needed him, and tonight was no exception.

32

The only difference was that tonight he had no idea, no idea at all 33

what she was going through.

ort 34

A commercial flashed on the screen. Justin turned toward Kate.

reg 35

“So what’s up with that guy Douglas you’ve been seeing?” he asked.

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Kate had barely thought of Douglas since their Friday night 1

date. It felt like another lifetime.

2

“I’m hardly seeing him,” Kate said, trying to cut short the ex-3

change. “I’ve just been out with him once.”

4

But Justin persevered, his voice warm. “I’m just really glad to see 5

you moving on. That thing with Michael — he wasn’t worth it 6

then, and he’s certainly not worth it now. It’s important to have 7

someone in your life.”

8

“Can we just not talk about this now?” Kate asked. Still preoc-9

cupied with thoughts of Chuck Thorpe, she was only half focused 10

on what Justin was saying. “Besides, you’re hardly in a position to 11

talk. When was the last time that you had a date?”

12

Justin opened his mouth, as if he was about to speak. But then, 13

looking at Kate, he closed it again. There was something odd in his 14

expression, an emotion that she couldn’t place.

15

“What?” Kate asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

16

Justin shook his head and then laughed, a sheepish, boyish 17

sound. He stood up and walked to the window. Then he turned 18

back toward Kate. “This is ridiculous. I don’t know why I feel un-19

comfortable telling you this. I mean, we’re friends, right?”

20

“Right.” She had a growing sense of trepidation.

21

“Well, the thing is . . .” Justin was briefly tongue-tied. Then he 22

blurted it out. “I’ve started going out with someone. A woman, I 23

mean.” He ran a hand across his forehead and smiled, the familiar 24

slightly lopsided grin that she knew so well. “Whew. I guess that 25

wasn’t so hard.”

26

Kate’s lips returned Justin’s smile, but her face felt frozen in 27

place. She felt disoriented, unable to situate herself in time and 28

space. Almost as if she were drowning. Still, she managed to keep 29

up the smile.

30

“So don’t keep me in suspense. Who is she?” Kate’s voice was 31

unnaturally bright. Like Lucy Ricardo trying to keep something se-32

cret from husband Ricky.

33

“Well, not surprisingly, she’s a lawyer,” Justin began. “Since I’d 34 sh

have little chance of meeting anyone else.” He took a deep breath.

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1

“Her name’s Laura Lacy. She works at Wilmot Dickerson. I met her 2

last month when we did a joint document review with them. You’d 3

like her, Kate. She went to Penn. Does a lot of pro bono work.”

4

Now that the shock had begun to ebb, Kate was more confused 5

than upset. Her reaction didn’t make any sense. After all, Justin 6

wasn’t her boyfriend. He had every right to date anyone he 7

wanted.

8

“That’s wonderful,” Kate said, trying to bring a warmth to her 9

voice that she was far from feeling. “So, how long has this romance 10

been going on?”

11

“Oh, not long,” Justin said quickly.

12

Something in his voice made Kate want to know more. “So how 13

long is that?”

14

Justin sat down on the couch, crossing one long leg over the 15

other. “Oh, a few weeks, I guess. Maybe about a month.”

16

A month. Kate felt as if she’d been slapped. She’d always as-17

sumed that Justin confided in her about the important things in his 18

life. Before she could stop herself, the words were out. “Why didn’t 19

you tell me?”

20

“I am telling you, Kate. I’m telling you right now.” Justin 21

sounded awkward, as if he wasn’t sure what to say.

22

Kate slumped down against Justin’s side, her head turned away 23

so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. She tried to sort through 24

her thoughts. Was she jealous? She tried the thought on for size, 25

then dismissed it. She didn’t want Justin for a lover; she wanted 26

him for a friend.

27

“Kate?” Justin’s voice was soft. Kate shrank lower on the couch, 28

keeping her head turned away. Maybe this wasn’t about Justin at 29

all. Maybe it was just a delayed reaction to what had happened last 30

night. Her emotions were raw today, magnifying the impact of 31

everything that happened. She wished she could explain this to 32

Justin. But for now she had to keep it to herself.

33

Kate rolled her head back to look up at Justin. “I’m sorry,” she ort 34

said earnestly. “I don’t know why I’m being like this. I’m happy for reg 35

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you. Really. Maybe I’m just afraid that if you get a girlfriend, you 1

won’t have as much time to hang out with me.”

2

Justin grinned. “In that case, I guess I should be flattered,” he 3

said.

4

“So tell me her name again.”

5

“Laura Lacy.”

6

Even the name was impossible, Kate thought. Like something 7

from a romance novel. Or Melrose Place.

8

“What’s she look like?” Is she prettier than I am? Now where did 9

that thought come from? Why should she even care?

10

“She’s pretty,” Justin said, the corners of his lips edging up ever 11

so slightly. “Sort of an all-American type, blond hair, blue eyes.”

12

“Your basic nightmare,” Kate muttered. She meant it to be 13

funny, but it didn’t come out that way. She quickly moved on. “I 14

can’t wait to meet her,” she said. “I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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1

Wednesday, January 13

2

3

Taking

a deep breath, Kate flung open her office door. Heart 4

pounding, she scanned the familiar space. Her body was on red 5

alert, ready to bolt from the room at the first sign of danger. But 6

there was nothing. Morning sun streamed through the window.

7

Her desk, cluttered with computer printouts and reference books, 8

looked as if she’d just taken a break. The corner where Chuck 9

Thorpe had held her pinned against the wall was just that, a 10

corner, an empty space by the window. The books she’d dropped 11

were now stacked on her desk. And the office lights . . . whatever 12

Chuck Thorpe had done to interfere with their functioning had al-13

ready been repaired.

14

Kate unwrapped her cape and hung it in the office closet. Here, 15

too, things were just as she’d left them. A couple of sweaters. Spare 16

shoes. Not bothering to look in the closet mirror, she closed the ort 17

door and went to her desk. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt. On reg 18

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nation. On the other, it was a little disturbing. Shouldn’t there be 1

some sign?

2

Taking a seat at her desk, Kate tried to think about the day 3

ahead. First thing on her agenda was a phone call to Carter Mills.

4

But after picking up the receiver, Kate paused for a moment, un-5

certain. What exactly did she plan to say? After all, WideWorld 6

was not just one of Samson’s largest clients, it was also Carter 7

Mills’s personal crown jewel. However much he might like her, 8

Mills would have a vested interest in rejecting her account, in find-9

ing some way to dismiss it.

10

There were other problems, too. Such as the lack of physical 11

proof. While there might be some trace evidence on the black suit 12

she’d stuffed away — hairs, fibers, something like that — what 13

would it really show? Just that she’d had some contact with Thorpe.

14

How could she prove that the contact was sexual in nature? Or 15

that it had been without her consent? Then there was the fact that 16

she’d waited so long. She hadn’t reported Thorpe’s attack at the 17

time it occurred or even the following day.

18

Kate slowly put down the phone receiver as her mind continued 19

to work. So many points that she hadn’t considered. For one thing, 20

there was Chuck Thorpe himself. It would be her word against his.

21

Thorpe would have his own story, and it wasn’t hard to imagine 22

how that story might go. He’d claim she’d made the whole thing 23

up. Or maybe that she’d led him on, that she’d invited him to her 24

office for a private talk and tried to seduce him there. In that case, 25

her failure to report the attack would add credence to Thorpe’s 26

story. As would the very recklessness of his actions. The whole sce-27

nario just seemed so far-fetched. Why would Thorpe risk attacking 28

her in her office, a place where anyone might appear? Of course, 29

she knew the answer: Chuck Thorpe was a psychopath. But why 30

should Carter Mills believe her?

31

Jennifer appeared in the doorway, carrying a huge stack of mail.

32

She looked at Kate, then did a double take.

33

“Are you okay?” she asked.

34 sh

“Sure,” said Kate. “I’m fine.”

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Jennifer put the mail in Kate’s in-box. “D’you want me to get 2

you something? Aspirin maybe, or coffee?”

3

“No, really,” said Kate. “I’m okay. I’m just feeling a little tired.”

4

Jennifer eyed her doubtfully. “Let me know if you change your 5

mind.” She was heading back to her station when she turned to look 6

back at Kate. “There was something wrong with your office lights. I 7

called downstairs. They fixed them right before you got here.”

8

“Thanks,” Kate said. “Thanks for taking care of that.”

9

Jennifer closed the door behind her.

10

Kate sat unmoving, staring blankly ahead. Her thoughts contin-11

ued to churn. Her mind returned to Carmen Rodriguez’s words the 12

day after Madeleine’s death. “All they cared about was the money.

13

They forced her to work with him. And look what happened. ” If Made-14

leine had been pressured to work with Thorpe, that pressure must 15

have come from Carter Mills. But she shouldn’t make too much of 16

this. There was still no reason to think that Mills knew about 17

Thorpe’s violent streak.

18

Violent.

19

The word seemed so neat and contained compared to the real-20

ity of what she’d been through. Again, Kate felt Thorpe’s hands on 21

her body, his wet, heavy breath. She picked up the receiver. With-22

out pausing to think, she dialed Mills’s extension.

23

“He’s not in yet, Kate,” Clara said. Kate could hear the sound of 24

typing in the background. “Would you like to leave a message?”

25

“Could you just tell him I need to see him? And that . . . it’s im-26

portant.”

27

After hanging up, Kate felt depleted. She’d finally gotten up the 28

nerve to speak with Mills, and he wasn’t even there. But at least 29

she’d left the message. That was the important thing. Now she just 30

had to wait.

31

She turned to the mountain of mail that Jennifer had left for 32

her. Hard to believe that this much had piled up during just one 33

day away from the office. Lethargically, she sorted through the first ort 34

few envelopes. A mass mailing about CLE courses. A solicitation reg 35

for Legal Services.

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A few minutes later, Kate picked up the phone again, this time 1

to call Andrea. After a few rings, she heard a click as the call went 2

into voice mail. She listened to the first few words of Andrea’s mes-3

sage, then hung up the receiver. She was feeling a little hurt.

4

While Andrea obviously didn’t know what had happened, she must 5

know Kate had been out sick. Why hadn’t she called to check in?

6

A rap on the door interrupted Kate’s thoughts. Before she could 7

answer, Peyton Winslow stuck his head through the doorway, his 8

pale eyes distracted behind red-rimmed glasses. He looked like a 9

fashion-crazed owl. “The Thorpe complaint is supposed to be 10

served today. When will you have the rest of that memo?”

11

Today. The irony took her breath away. “I’ll have it to you by to-12

morrow.” Kate didn’t mention her one-day absence, a tacit bow to 13

the Samson equation of physical illness with a failure of will.

14

“The sooner the better,” Peyton said. He was already edging out 15

the door. “We’ve got a meeting tomorrow afternoon with Holden 16

and Thorpe.” The words trailed behind him as he strode down the 17

hall.

18

A meeting with Holden and Thorpe. Just last week, the prospect 19

would have filled her with elation, a sense that she had arrived.

20

But today, just the sound of Thorpe’s name made her feel physi-21

cally ill.

22

Kate’s hand was trembling when she reached for the next piece 23

of mail. It slipped out of her grasp and fell to the floor. As she 24

leaned over to pick it up, she noticed a glint of metal on the carpet 25

underneath her desk. A lost earring, perhaps? Kate knelt down on 26

her hands and knees and picked up the small gold object. A flat 27

disk with crenellated edges surrounding an ornate monogram.

28

Kate stared at it blankly for several seconds before realizing that it 29

was a cuff link. A man’s cuff link. Looking more closely, she made 30

out an ornate letter T, then a C.

31

Chuck Thorpe.

32

Kate dropped the cuff link to her desk as if she’d been burned. It 33

must have fallen off Monday night while they struggled. Evidence, 34 sh

concrete evidence, that Chuck Thorpe had been in her office. It 35 re

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wasn’t much, but it was something. She tried to think what to do.

2

Grabbing a white office envelope, she stuck the cuff link inside.

3

After sealing the envelope’s flap, she stashed it in her top left 4

drawer. There was a small key in the drawer’s pencil tray. She 5

locked the drawer and put the key in the change compartment of 6

her billfold. Then, still trembling, she returned her attention to 7

the mail.

8

An hour or so later, she was almost halfway through when she 9

came upon a large white envelope. Aside from her name, typed on 10

a blank white label, there were no markings at all. Turning over 11

the packet, Kate saw that the flap was secured with a red wax seal 12

bearing the impress of the letter M. Curious, she studied the seal 13

for several seconds, her previous concerns forgotten. Then, careful 14

not to break the seal, she ran a letter opener under the flap and 15

reached into the envelope. From inside she pulled out two 81⁄2 by 16

11 pieces of plain white cardboard. Between them was a black-17

and-white photograph. A picture of a lovely dark-haired woman 18

somewhere in her early twenties. Kate stared at the photograph, 19

mesmerized. It was a picture of Madeleine Waters.

20

She was standing on the stairs of a low brick building, maybe a 21

walk-up apartment. She was dressed in bell bottoms and platform 22

shoes, smiling flirtatiously. With one hand, she pushed back a stray 23

strand of hair. With the other, she reached toward the camera. The 24

gesture was ambiguous, both welcoming and remote. Again, Kate 25

looked at the envelope, searching for some explanation. There was 26

no postage stamp, no postmark. It must have come from inside the 27

firm. She turned back to the picture, searching the image for clues.

28

The longer Kate examined the print, the more her confusion 29

deepened. As she studied the figure more closely, she saw her ini-30

tial mistake. While this woman resembled Madeleine, there were 31

obvious differences, too. The face was broader, flatter. The eyes 32

were more widely set. And the clothing was early seventies, well 33

before Madeleine’s time. Madeleine would have been quite young ort 34

back then, probably still in grade school.

reg 35

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And yet . . . what of the red letter M?

1

The ring of her phone interrupted these thoughts. Carter Mills 2

would see her now.

3

Quickly, Kate tried to shift gears. Gathering up a notepad and 4

pen, she rehearsed what she’d planned to say. I was returning to my 5

office, a little after ten on Monday night . . .

6

She was almost out of her office when she turned to look back at 7

her desk. She stared at the photograph for a second or two, then 8

walked over and picked it up. She held it in her hand for another 9

few seconds, uncertain about what to do. Then, with sudden deci-10

sion, she put it back in the red-sealed envelope and added the 11

packet to the pile in her arms. Once outside her office, Kate 12

stopped by Jennifer’s station. “If anyone calls, I’ll be in Carter 13

Mills’s office.” Then she turned and headed for the stairs.

14

15

16

Light sifted in through venetian blinds, patterning Carter Mills’s 17

face. He held the envelope in one hand, studying the red wax seal.

18

Then he looked back at Kate.

19

“When did you receive this?” he asked.

20

“Either yesterday or early today,” Kate said. “I’m really not quite 21

sure.”

22

“I see.”

23

“The photograph is inside.” Kate was anxious to wind this up, to 24

move on to the subject of Thorpe.

25

“It’s a picture of a woman,” Kate said. “Someone who looks a lot 26

like Madeleine Waters. I have no idea why it was left with me. But 27

I thought you should probably see it.”

28

Carefully, like a scientist handling a specimen, Mills reached 29

into the envelope and pulled out the cardboard liners. With two 30

fingers, he removed the top piece and placed it off to the side. From 31

the slick photographic paper, the dark-haired woman smiled up at 32

him, her strangely expressive hand reaching outward. Welcoming.

33

Pushing away.

34 sh

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Mills looked back at Kate, his eyebrows raised. “You really think 2

that this woman looks like Madeleine Waters?” he said.

3

Kate wasn’t sure what to say. The resemblance was so striking.

4

She hadn’t considered that Mills might not see it. “I . . . yes, yes I 5

do,” she said. But the question opened a wedge of doubt. Could the 6

pressure of the past few days be affecting her judgment? She’d 7

made the connection so quickly: between the picture and the let-8

ter M seal, she’d immediately jumped to conclusions. But of course 9

the letter M stood for many things other than Madeleine.

10

Mills, for example.

11

Or McCarty.

12

Or what about Martin, as in Martin Drescher? She felt giddy, 13

lightheaded, as the names piled up.

14

Linda Morris.

15

Douglas Macauley.

16

Or even Michael . . .

17

Her head was swimming, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

18

Mills was studying the picture. “I just don’t see it,” he finally 19

said. “The mouth maybe, but aside from that . . .” He raised a dis-20

missive hand.

21

“Well . . .,” Kate didn’t know what to say.

22

“Do you have any idea where it came from?”

23

“No. None.”

24

Mills’s eyes returned to the picture. Again, Kate noticed the bars 25

of light that flickered across his face. The venetian blinds almost 26

made it appear as if he were inside a cell.

27

Hands folded, Mills leaned forward. “You know, Kate, there’s a 28

lot of gossip flying around now. It’s not helpful. Not helpful to the 29

police investigation, not helpful to the firm. Have you talked to 30

anyone else about this photograph, about the resemblance you see 31

to Madeleine?”

32

“No.” Kate felt a flutter of relief, as though she’d finally done 33

something right. Then, without warning, relief gave way to resent-ort 34

ment. All she’d thought about for the last two days was protecting reg 35

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rush of feeling took her by surprise. She’d had no idea it had been 1

there waiting, just beneath the surface of her thoughts.

2

But Mills was talking again. “Please keep it that way,” he said.

3

“I’m sure you understand the importance of keeping rumors to a 4

minimum. There’s only so much we can do to keep people from 5

speculating. But we need to do what we can.”

6

We. Even now, Kate felt the seductive lure of inclusion. We. The 7

attorneys of Samson & Mills. She could feel the resentment ebb.

8

“Of course,” Kate said. “I won’t say a word.”

9

“If anything else unusual happens, please come to me immedi-10

ately.”

11

Kate looked at Mills, confused. “But if the photo doesn’t even 12

look like Madeleine —”

13

Mills interrupted, impatient. “No, Kate, I don’t see a resem-14

blance. But obviously you do. And that concerns me. In a situation 15

like this, it’s impossible to be too careful.”

16

There was an unaccustomed edge to Mills’s voice. Still Kate 17

found herself pressing ahead. “Do you think I should talk to the po-18

lice then?”

19

“Absolutely not,” Mills said. “I’ll handle all communications 20

with the NYPD.”

21

His displeasure seemed almost tangible. Kate felt heat rise up 22

through her face. “Of course,” she said. It was an effort to keep her 23

voice level.

24

“I’m sorry, Kate,” Mills said, his voice softening ever so slightly.

25

“I don’t mean to be harsh. But it’s imperative that we keep a tight 26

rein over all outside communications.”

27

“I understand,” Kate said. She took a deep breath. This was 28

hardly the atmosphere in which she wanted to discuss Chuck 29

Thorpe, but she didn’t have any choice. She’d already waited too 30

long. Heart lurching against her ribcage, she tentatively embarked 31

on the speech she’d prepared. “There’s something else I need to 32

discuss with you. It’s about Chuck Thorpe. On Monday night —”

33

“I’m sorry, Kate, but this will have to wait. I have something im-34 sh

portant to take care of.”

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1

Kate stared at him, disbelieving. Her script didn’t allow for this 2

response. “But this is really urgent,” she stammered. “It will only 3

take a few minutes, and I need —”

4

“I’ll speak with you as soon as I can,” Mills said. His voice was 5

pleasant but firm. “Check with Clara. She knows my schedule. I 6

should have some time later today.”

7

w

8

Carter Mills stared out the window. His skin felt hot, as though 9

he’d been struck with a sudden fever. He couldn’t seem to order his 10

thoughts. Words came together, then drifted apart. Mainly, they 11

were questions, the stunned beginning of questions that he didn’t 12

want to consider.

13

Behind him was the photograph. It lay on his desk, waiting.

14

Slowly, he turned back to face it. Just a single flimsy piece of paper, 15

slightly worn at the edges. There was nothing remarkable about 16

the image. Just an ordinary candid shot. A pretty woman on a 17

summer day. Perfectly ordinary. Perfectly generic.

18

Yet not to him.

19

He hadn’t thought of this scene for years. But now, with the pic-20

ture before him, it came back like it was yesterday. Downtown 21

Manhattan. Late August. A sultry summer evening. He’d left work 22

early, having just finished drafting a brief. Rounding a corner, he’d 23

caught sight of her, standing there on the doorstep. He’d called out 24

to her amid the neighborhood clamor, and she’d quickly spun 25

round to face him. Her face showed a blend of emotions, pleasure 26

mingled with chagrin. He was early that day, and she hadn’t had 27

time to prepare.

28

Still, she’d been happy when he snapped her picture. Happy, he 29

knew, because she’d seen it as a sign of love. A sign that even during 30

their brief separations, he wanted her close at hand. Yet, somehow, 31

he hadn’t felt guilty. Merely amused by the irony: what she saw as 32

a sign of devotion was really his first step away. Soon she’d belong 33

to the past.

ort 34

It had all come clear that afternoon. Though perhaps, at some reg 35

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level, he’d known from the start. Decades had passed since that 1

day. But the memories were clear as glass.

2

“Very good.” William P. Sloan raised his leonine head and looked at 3

Mills appraisingly. “Very, very good.”

4

“Thank you, Mr. Sloan.” Mills felt a satisfying twist in his gut, like 5

the sprockets of a gear engaging, like a plane lifting into the sky. He ran 6

over the words in his mind. The great William P. Sloan liked his brief.

7

Life was suddenly good. The future was his for the taking.

8

With casual grace, Sloan folded his hands. Mills filed the gesture 9

away, knowing he’d adopt it as his own. “Your grandfather was one of 10

this firm’s founders. You show every sign of being a worthy heir. I cer-11

tainly hope that you’ll return to us after graduation.”

12

Again, the surge of triumph. Formal offers of employment were not 13

generally issued until summer’s end. And yet, here he was, being per-14

sonally wooed by the firm’s presiding partner. But he was careful to keep 15

his voice level, as if simply accepting his due.

16

“That’s exactly what I’m hoping,” he said.

17

Mills gazed at Sloan, so powerful, so complete. So different from his 18

hidebound father, the keeper of books, of records, of family trees. Noth-19

ing compared to the vital figure before him, a man of action who lived for 20

the day.

21

The sort of man he, Carter Mills, would become.

22

By the time he’d left work that day, his mind was already made 23

up. Childhood was over. He was an adult. And she had no place in 24

his life.

25

He’d purchased the camera and film on his way downtown. He’d 26

meant to buy color film, had been annoyed on discovering his mis-27

take. But the irritation quickly faded as she came into view. Focus-28

ing on the slender form, he’d felt a rush of power. As if the secret 29

knowledge that he would hurt her somehow confirmed his 30

strength.

31

And, really, she’d had no idea. She’d been giddy that evening, 32

euphoric. They’d split a bottle of wine. He’d even smiled as she’d 33

babbled about the future. A future that would never be. She loved 34 sh

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1

the theater, but she loved him more. She loved him more than any-2

thing. . . .

3

As, for a time, he’d loved her.

4

Loved her with a reckless passion that he hadn’t felt before or 5

since.

6

Mills shifted in his chair, remembering. It had begun as a chance 7

meeting, an instantaneous spark. He’d been on his way to a movie 8

when he’d seen her through the window of a small cafe. In an in-9

stant, he’d changed his plans. He went in and sat at a table, the 10

marble top cold to his touch. By the time he left two hours later, 11

her number was in his book.

12

But slowly that memory faded, and he was left with the picture 13

on his desk. He could feel the paranoia setting in, the sense of im-14

potent rage. It had to be someone who’d known her. A family 15

member or friend. Someone who knew what he’d done. But even 16

with the resources at his command, how could he find out who?

17

Secretaries, paralegals, word processors, librarians — any one of 18

them could be the culprit.

19

If only he could figure out the motive, that would be some kind 20

of start. But he still didn’t have a clue. If blackmail were the goal, 21

why not approach him directly? Why leave the picture on an asso-22

ciate’s desk, not even knowing that it would reach him?

23

Mills felt a sort of buzzing, a vibration beneath his skin. Of all 24

the human feelings, powerlessness was the one he hated most.

25

Well, if he didn’t yet have the answer, he could at least take care of 26

one thing.

27

From a table behind him, Mills picked up a granite ashtray. He 28

set it down on his desk. Then he took a pair of scissors from a 29

drawer. Neatly, methodically, he cut the photograph into long, 30

thin strips. Next, he stacked the strips together and cut them cross-31

wise again and again. Now, there were dozens of tiny squares.

32

Holding the ashtray alongside his desk, he swept the paper bits 33

into its hold. When he was finished, he returned the ashtray to his ort 34

desk. He pulled out a dark red book of matches with the logo of reg 35

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Café des Artistes. A match scraped across the igniter strip, and a 1

yellow flame leapt up.

2

Mills stared at the flame for an instant, then dropped it down on 3

the pile. But the match just lay there, smoldering, before silently 4

going out. Annoyed, he lit another match, held it to a shiny frag-5

ment. Again the tiny flare, followed by a puff of smoke. In quick 6

succession, he lit three more matches, tossed them into the ash-7

tray. One by one they hit the paper; in seconds all went dark.

8

It must be something in the photographic paper, some chemical 9

that wouldn’t light. Staring at the picture’s remains, he was con-10

scious of a growing rage. As if these pathetic scraps had intention-11

ally thwarted his will. He wanted to pick up the ashtray, to hurl it 12

across the room. He could almost hear the sound, the crash of 13

stone and wood. The ashtray gave up an acrid smell. He shoved it 14

across the desk. Then slowly, the anger subsided, and he was able 15

to think again. He found an envelope in his desk, and placed the 16

paper bits inside. Nothing to get upset about. He’d dispose of them 17

another way. Envelope in hand, he got up from his desk, on his way 18

to the restroom down the hall. Already, he was feeling better.

19

Everything would be just fine.

20

w

21

“I’m sorry, Ms. Paine. Mr. Mills has a full schedule today. I don’t 22

know what he was thinking. But you know —” Clara raised one 23

blue-veined hand in a gesture of philosophical acceptance.

24

“Are you sure? ” Kate was on the verge of tears.

25

Clara studied Kate’s face for several seconds, then let out a re-26

signed sigh. “Look, why don’t you tell me what it is? I’ll try to run 27

it by him.”

28

Kate shook her head helplessly. “It’s sort of confidential,” she 29

said. “But could you tell him it’s really important?”

30

31

32

Back in her office, Kate again tried to reach Andrea. Andrea’s sec-33

retary picked up the phone.

34 sh

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1

“She’s out today,” said Suzanne. Kate could hear stifled laughter 2

in the background.

3

“All day?”

4

“Yeah, she’s got the flu or something.”

5

Kate was surprised. Except for vacations, Andrea had never 6

missed a day of work. But then, except for yesterday, neither had she.

7

“She was out yesterday, too,” said Suzanne, as if just remember-8

ing this fact.

9

Kate felt her spirits lift. No wonder Andrea hadn’t called her.

10

Here she’d been feeling bad that Andrea hadn’t checked in, while 11

Andrea was home sick, too. And probably wondering why Kate 12

wasn’t calling her.

13

“So she’s at home?”

14

“Yeah. I guess.” Suzanne sounded as if she couldn’t care less.

15

“I’ll try her there, then. Thanks, Suzanne.”

16

But Andrea wasn’t at home. Or maybe she was just asleep. In 17

any case, she didn’t pick up. Disappointed, Kate left a message, 18

then turned back to her desk. It wasn’t as though she’d planned to 19

tell Andrea about Thorpe’s attack. At least not until she’d spoken 20

to Mills. But just the sound of Andrea’s voice would have cheered 21

her up, made her feel less alone.

22

So what now?

23

She could feel the tension in her body, running from her legs 24

through her neck. She scrunched up her shoulders and let them 25

drop, willing the stiffness to vanish. Then she had an idea. Why 26

not go to the gym? She’d been vowing to go for days, since that 27

night at the Harvard Club. Forty-five minutes of exercise would do 28

wonders for her mood. Just the thought of it cheered her up. In 29

minutes, she was out the door.

30

31

32

The locker room was sparsely populated with a motley assortment 33

of female body types. A massive woman in flowered cotton under-ort 34

pants leaned over to brush wet hair, folds of flesh bulging around reg 35

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her waist, pendulous brown-nippled breasts swinging back and 1

forth with the movements of her arm. A girl with well-toned 2

biceps rubbed cream into her legs before examining her body in a 3

mirror. Turning from side to side, she frowned, as if deciding 4

whether to make a purchase.

5

Kate dumped her gym bag on a bench and fiddled with her com-6

bination lock. 26-16-24. It was easy to remember. Her age now.

7

Her age 10 years ago. Her age the year Michael left her. She peeled 8

off her office clothes, careful not to snag her stockings, and hung 9

them on a hook inside a locker. Then she pulled on black spandex 10

leggings and a blue-and-white Samson T-shirt. She closed the 11

locker, grabbed her Sony Walkman, and headed for the workout 12

floor.

13

The Mercury Athletic Club was colorful and brightly lit, the 14

adult version of a day care center. The whir of machinery blended 15

with a backdrop of seventies rock. Kate located a vacant Stairmas-16

ter and climbed on. After punching in her weight — 110 last time 17

she checked — she set the timer for thirty minutes, adjusted the 18

earphones on her Walkman, and started the climb to nowhere.

19

The club walls were covered with mirrors. Gazing at her reflec-20

tion, Kate was amazed by her body’s discretion. How calm and self-21

possessed she looked! Just another young professional opting for 22

fitness over food.

23

Nothing at all like she felt.

24

Still looking into the mirror, she scanned the room behind her.

25

In the sea of faces, she saw several colleagues: Jim Beller, a gangly 26

corporate associate, red-faced and sweating on a stationary bike. A 27

first-year female associate whose name she didn’t know, struggling 28

with a set of free weights. What would they say, these lunchtime 29

athletes, if they knew what she’d just been through?

30

She still couldn’t believe that Carter Mills had cut her off. She 31

should have waited to discuss the photograph until after she’d 32

dealt with Thorpe. Funny how the things you worried about were 33

never the things that went wrong. She’d been worried that Mills 34 sh

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1

might not believe her. She’d been worried about staying com-2

posed. Not once had she worried that Mills wouldn’t hear her out.

3

But she’d come here to clear her mind. Glancing down at the 4

monitor, Kate punched up the speed a few notches and tried to 5

concentrate on the rhythmic movements of her legs.

6

Madonna’s voice pulsed through Kate’s earphones. The song 7

was “Material Girl.” It was a classic eighties anthem, a song she’d 8

first heard as a kid. But now, listening to the words, Kate was sur-9

prised by a sharp jolt of envy. There was a picture of Madonna on 10

the cassette jacket, all garters, black fishnets, and danger. Kate felt 11

a sudden urge to be like that: tough, sexual, and well-defended.

12

Someone who could take care of herself. Someone who would 13

have stopped Chuck Thorpe.

14

Before she knew it, her mind flashed back to that first moment 15

in her office. There had been a window of opportunity there. A 16

moment when she could have torn loose. If she’d been stronger, if 17

she’d been someone else, she would have instantly moved into ac-18

tion. But instead, she’d frozen. And then it had been too late.

19

As the scene ran through her mind, Kate felt a sickly churning 20

in her stomach. Once, when she was very young, she’d gotten hold 21

of a box of laundry detergent. She’d decided to make a snowstorm, 22

to cover her room with white flakes. It had been a challenging task 23

for a tiny child, tilting the heavy box at just the right angle. And 24

then her father had appeared. She’d looked up at him, surprised 25

and proud. But the eyes that looked back were cold. In that instant 26

she’d felt the same confusion, the same roiling sense of isolation, 27

that she felt right now.

28

Kate tried to focus on the music, on the steady rhythmic beat.

29

But just as her thoughts were receding, she caught sight of someone 30

she knew. Scraggly black hair. Jutting breasts. There on a treadmill 31

was Linda Morris. Hit by a wave of dizziness, Kate quickly dropped 32

her eyes. She’d come here in an effort to escape Chuck Thorpe, at 33

least for an hour or so. Now she felt as if she’d been followed.

ort 34

Kate looked hard at her legs, willing herself to stay calm. Then reg 35

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form. Except for the workout attire, she looked much as she had 1

before. The same heavy makeup, the same dark nails, the same 2

gold cross on a chain. Even from the distance, Kate detected mas-3

cara bleeding down her cheeks. She felt a rush of distaste. The 4

smeared makeup seemed to go to some deeper issue, to everything 5

wrong with Linda Morris. Her abstraction. Her slovenliness. Her 6

flagrant efforts to seduce. Kate pictured her in Epstein’s office, pag-7

ing through the draft complaint. The provocative clothing. The 8

little-girl voice. It all seemed to go together.

9

Moving her legs in time with the music, Kate tried to think of 10

other things. But what was Morris doing here? WideWorld was way 11

across town. Of course, it could just be a coincidence. Mercury was, 12

after all, a popular gym. And the fact that Morris was here midday?

13

That, too, could be explained. She might be taking a vacation. Or 14

some well-deserved comp time.

15

Another furtive glance at Morris; another surge of disgust. Puz-16

zled, Kate tried to figure out why she reacted to Morris so strongly.

17

It wasn’t just Morris’s ties to Thorpe, though certainly that played 18

a role. Was it just that she was a control freak? That she wanted 19

everyone to be like her? Or maybe it was some unconscious con-20

flict, a collision of opposites. Kate thought about an article Tara 21

had written about the concept of the human shadow. About how 22

people react most strongly to traits they reject in themselves. She 23

gave that idea a few seconds of thought before pushing it out of her 24

mind. She was nothing like Linda Morris.

25

Really, nothing at all.

26

27

28

Kate returned to her office balancing a cardboard tray. Her phone 29

was ringing. Jennifer was nowhere in sight. Lunging forward, Kate 30

grabbed the receiver.

31

“Kate? It’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

32

“Oh . . . , hi!” Kate felt instantly guilty. The day of Madeleine’s 33

funeral, Douglas had left a message. She’d never returned his call.

34 sh

Happily, Douglas didn’t bring this up. As she unwrapped her 35 re

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tuna sandwich, he chatted amiably. He’d just finished a story about 2

some work project when the words abruptly stopped. “I’m going on 3

and on,” he said. “I always do that when I’m nervous. Anyway, I’ve 4

been thinking of you. How are you holding up?”

5

Kate opened her mouth, but no words came out. What could 6

she really say? I was sort of raped two nights ago by a client, and I still 7

haven’t decided what to do. Some unknown person left a strange photo 8

on my desk that may be connected to a murder. My best friend from law 9

school has a new girlfriend, and I can’t seem to deal with it at all.

10

“Kate?”

11

“Oh . . . the usual,” she said lamely.

12

An awkward pause. Of course, Douglas knew about Madeleine’s 13

death. He knew Kate was shutting him out.

14

“So,” he finally said. “I was wondering if you’d like to get to-15

gether this weekend. Maybe we could —”

16

“I’m afraid I’m tied up.” Before Kate could think, the words were 17

out.

18

“That’s too bad. Well, maybe sometime early next week we 19

could —”

20

“It’s hard to say. Things are really hectic right now. Why don’t I 21

give you a call?”

22

“Okay. Sure.”

23

Kate could hear the doubt in his voice. She moved quickly to 24

end the conversation. “Listen, I have to take another call. But I’ll 25

talk to you soon.” Liar. “Take care.”

26

Kate hung up the telephone receiver. She was suddenly starved.

27

She ripped the rest of the plastic off her sandwich and took a large 28

bite. As she chewed, she stared out the window. She hadn’t 29

planned to turn down Douglas’s invitation, hadn’t planned what to 30

say when he called. But now that it was done, she felt relieved. As 31

if she’d crossed something off a to-do list.

32

Kate made quick work of her sandwich, then turned her atten-33

tion to work. To the memo she still owed Peyton. The law of sex-ort 34

ual harassment.

reg 35

Are you really going to keep on doing this? Defending a murderer?

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The man who practically raped you? For a moment, emotions welled 1

up inside, but she quickly reined them in. After all, this was her 2

job. The memo still had to get done. She wasn’t doing this for 3

Thorpe. She was doing it for Samson & Mills. She was doing it for 4

herself, to protect her own career. She’d lost so much already; she 5

couldn’t lose this as well. Without her work, who would she be?

6

There was Thorpe the client, and Thorpe the man. She had to 7

keep the two things separate.

8

Pulling open her top right-hand drawer, Kate reached for a pen.

9

She was shutting the drawer when it struck her that something was 10

wrong. The cassette tape from Madeleine’s office. She was sure that 11

she’d put it here. But now it was nowhere in sight. Kate yanked the 12

drawer open wide and quickly searched its contents. Then, de-13

feated, she closed the drawer and slumped down in her chair.

14

How could she have lost the tape? It just wasn’t possible. She’d put 15

the tape there; she knew it. But could she possibly be confused?

16

Perhaps she’d put the tape in her left-hand drawer, along with 17

Thorpe’s engraved cuff link. She dug the key from her purse and 18

quickly unlocked the drawer. The cuff link was still there, safe in the 19

envelope where she’d left it. But there was no sign of the cassette.

20

Biting her lip, Kate closed and locked the drawer. It made no 21

sense. How could something as solid as a cassette tape just vanish 22

into thin air? And how would she explain its disappearance to 23

Mills? Her job could be on the line.

24

For long moments, she sat immobile, her thoughts churning 25

hopelessly. Then, with a jerk, she sat up straight. She knew exactly 26

where the tape had gone.

27

Chuck Thorpe.

28

w

29

Only three days to go.

30

Nervously, like a caged animal, he paced the loft’s confines.

31

Then he forced himself back to his desk, sat down. He’d been over 32

the plan hundreds of times just in the past week alone. And now 33

he’d begin again. Step by step. Point by point. Preparation was 34 sh

everything.

35 re

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1

His desk was clear except for the gun. The same gun he’d used 2

to kill Madeleine. The gun he’d use Saturday night. He picked it 3

up, felt its weight in his hand. A lovely object, a piece of art.

4

Silver-plated, with an ivory grip. He’d gone to great trouble to get 5

it back. Subjected himself to great risk. But in the end, it had all 6

been worth it. The gun was part of the plan.

7

January 16.

8

The same day that she had died.

9

While his plan had shifted over the years, the date had never 10

changed. It fell on a Saturday this year. At first, that had seemed a 11

tremendous problem, an obstacle he might not surmount. Then, in 12

a stroke of fortune, Samson had come to his aid. The firm’s annual 13

cocktail party had been rescheduled. Thanks to Madeleine’s death.

14

Funny, how things had worked out.

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

reg 35

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Thursday, January 14

1

2

10:05 a.m. Kate had just arrived at work. As soon as she reached 3

her desk, she picked up the phone and dialed. Andrea picked up 4

right away.

5

“Where were you yesterday?” Kate demanded.

6

“Out sick. Flu.”

7

“I tried to reach you all day.”

8

“I had the phone unplugged. So I could sleep.” Andrea sounded 9

distracted.

10

“Are things okay?” Kate said. “You’re feeling better and all?”

11

“Oh, yeah. It was just a twenty-four-hour bug.” Andrea had put 12

her on speakerphone. Kate could hear the rustling of papers. “Lis-13

ten, I really have to get going. I had a bunch of documents dumped 14

on me this morning. They have to go out by five.”

15

“How about a quick break for lunch?”

16

“Sorry. Not with these boxes staring me in the face.”

17 sh

18 re

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“Well . . . , call me when you come up for air. I really want to 2

talk to you about a couple of things.”

3

“Yeah, sure.”

4

Before Kate could reply, the phone went dead. For a moment, 5

she stared at the receiver, too surprised to do anything else. Work-6

related crises were a way of life at Samson & Mills, hardly an ex-7

cuse for freezing out friends. It was almost as if Andrea was angry.

8

But how could that be? They’d hardly seen each other since Mad-9

eleine’s memorial service, when everything had been just fine.

10

Briefly, Kate thought about calling back but decided to put it off.

11

Andrea was busy now. She’d wait until the end of the day.

12

Kate turned to the papers on her desk. Luckily for her, the 13

Thorpe complaint still hadn’t come in. If it had, Peyton would be 14

screaming for the memo. Now, she’d have time for one more pass.

15

She was just typing in a few last edits when the phone rang. Jen-16

nifer picked up the call. Seconds later, Kate’s intercom buzzed.

17

“It’s Peyton,” Jennifer whispered, as if he might somehow over-18

hear. “Do you want to take it?”

19

“Perfect timing,” Kate said. Finally something was going right.

20

“Go ahead and put him through.”

21

“I’ve got the memo for you,” she said, before Peyton could start 22

in. “How many copies do you need?”

23

“One to me and one to files,” Peyton said. “But I need mine 24

right away.”

25

“I’ll have Jennifer bring it up.”

26

“The meeting’s at two,” Peyton continued, “in Carter’s confer-27

ence room.”

28

Kate felt her stomach lurch. Just relax and try to enjoy it. Pictur-29

ing Chuck Thorpe across a conference table, she felt physically 30

sick. No, she just couldn’t do it, not before she’d talked to Mills.

31

“I . . . I’m not going to be able to make it.”

32

“Come again?” Peyton sounded nonplussed.

33

“I have a doctor’s appointment that . . . that I’d forgotten about.”

ort 34

“I see.” Peyton was clearly astonished. Nothing but an act of reg 35

God would have caused him to miss this meeting.

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“Is it something you could reschedule?” His voice was inscru-1

tably polite. “It’s rather an important meeting. You know, Holden 2

and all.”

3

“No, I . . . I can’t,” Kate said miserably. Three words that a Sam-4

son associate must never utter. However arduous the task, however 5

unreasonable the deadline, you were supposed to accept it and 6

smile.

7

“Let’s see, then.” Peyton’s voice was solicitous, the sort of tone 8

one might use in addressing someone very old or sick. Not the sort 9

of tone generally used with subordinates at Samson & Mills.

10

Maybe he thought she was dying.

11

“D’you think you could get me the memo before you leave? That 12

would be a big help.”

13

“Sure. I’ll send it right up.”

14

After hanging up the phone, Kate page-checked a copy of the 15

memo before buzzing Jennifer. “Could you come in here for a sec-16

ond? I need you to make two copies of a memo and take them to 17

Peyton Winslow.” I need you to. A locution common among senior 18

associates, one that Kate had always despised. It so clearly defined 19

the other person as a means to your ends. And here she was using 20

it herself.

21

But Jennifer didn’t seem to notice. “There’s something I need to 22

tell you,” she said. There was a note of conspiracy in her voice.

23

“Okay, but first get two copies of this to Peyton,” Kate said, pass-24

ing Jennifer the memo. “He needs them right away.”

25

Jennifer disappeared through the door.

26

Kate looked at her watch. It was almost noon. It occurred to her 27

that if Mills hadn’t reached her yet, he probably wouldn’t be call-28

ing until after the WideWorld meeting. She felt a growing frustra-29

tion, a sense of helplessness. She hadn’t even had a chance to tell 30

Mills about the assault, let alone about Thorpe’s theft of the cas-31

sette. And now she had a new set of worries. Would Thorpe use her 32

absence from today’s meeting to launch a preemptive strike? Or 33

perhaps he’d already spoken to Mills, already moved to discredit her.

34 sh

Then, for the first time, a chilling thought crossed her mind.

35 re

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1

How had Thorpe known about the tape? Could Thorpe have stum-2

bled on the drawer by chance? A lucky coincidence? No, it was too 3

far-fetched. There was only one explanation that made sense. The 4

information must have come from Mills.

5

Kate put a hand to her mouth. Her mind throbbed, as if on 6

emergency alert. Then, gradually, her pulse rate slowed as rational 7

thought resumed. Mills was a zealous lawyer, but he was also an 8

honest one. He’d never collude with Thorpe, not on something 9

like this. Just because Mills had told Thorpe about the tape didn’t 10

mean he was in on Thorpe’s scheme. Thorpe was, after all, the 11

client. Why shouldn’t Mills tell him about the tape? To the con-12

trary, it would have been strange had he not brought it up.

13

Jennifer appeared in the doorway.

14

“Did you get the memo to Peyton?”

15

“Did I?” Jennifer laughed. “He practically tore it out of my hand.

16

You’d have thought it was Playboy or something.”

17

Or Catch, Kate thought.

18

“So do you have a second?” Jennifer asked.

19

“Um, sure,” Kate said, trying not to let her reluctance show.

20

“What’s up?”

21

Jennifer stepped inside and shut the door. Her eyes were bright.

22

“I’ve got some information for you,” she said proudly. “About 23

Martin Drescher, I mean.”

24

Kate looked at her, confused. She wasn’t sure what Jennifer 25

meant.

26

“You know,” Jennifer prodded. “About Drescher and Madeleine 27

Waters.”

28

“Oh, right!” It seemed ages since she’d encouraged Jennifer to 29

engage in this girl detective act. Chuck Thorpe’s attack had pretty 30

much wiped out other concerns. But Jennifer seemed so excited, so 31

eager to relate her findings.

32

“So what did you learn?” Kate asked, trying to look like she 33

cared.

ort 34

“You won’t believe this,” Jennifer said. “But people are saying reg 35

that Madeleine Waters and Drescher had an affair. ”

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Madeleine Waters and Martin Drescher? Kate looked at Jen-1

nifer, dumbstruck. “I don’t believe it. You’re kidding.”

2

“Nope. It ended about six months ago. When Madeleine found 3

out that Drescher was on the sauce again. Madeleine told him that 4

she’d had it, that she didn’t want anything more to do with him.”

5

So, Kate thought, she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.

6

Drescher’s drinking must be common knowledge by now. “And 7

how did Drescher react?” Kate asked.

8

Jennifer shrugged. “There wasn’t really anything he could do,”

9

she said. “Madeleine wouldn’t back down.”

10

Madeleine Waters and Martin Drescher. Kate could hardly be-11

lieve it. What had Madeleine been thinking? Drescher must have 12

been beside himself, stunned by his strange good fortune.

13

“Where did you hear this?” Kate asked, trying to keep her tone 14

light. For Jennifer, this was all still a game, like something in a 15

dime-store novel.

16

Jennifer smiled coyly. “I just asked around,” she said. “People 17

overhear things.”

18

“You’re some investigator.” Kate said, standing up to get her 19

cape. “Listen, I’ve got to run to the doctor’s. If anyone calls, tell 20

them I’ll be back around three.”

21

22

23

After leaving the office, Kate took a taxi home. She spent an hour 24

or so dawdling over a peanut butter sandwich, flipping through a 25

newspaper as she ate. She ignored the news, focusing instead on 26

the ads. Tiffany’s. Bergdorf-Goodman. Bendel’s.

27

When she got back to the office, a little after three, Kate went 28

straight to the phone to check her messages. She stared at the dark 29

message light. Nothing. Not a single call. She couldn’t remember 30

the last time this had occurred. It gave her an uneasy feeling, as if 31

she’d slipped into some sort of netherworld, a no-man’s-land of re-32

duced expectations. She’d seen it happen before, to associates who 33

weren’t making the grade. First, they stopped getting assignments.

34 sh

At the start, this came as a welcome respite, a rare chance to leave 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

work before dark. But after a few days, a few key meetings to which 2

they weren’t invited, the truth started seeping in. Most associates 3

took the hint and began the search for new positions. Those who 4

clung to their jobs, or stayed willfully obtuse, were eventually ap-5

proached more directly.

6

Could that be happening to her?

7

The only thing on her calendar today was her four o’clock meet-8

ing with Josie. Eyeing the phone, Kate considered canceling, 9

pleading a work-related crisis. But, really, what would that solve?

10

Besides, she needed to set an example. As Josie’s mentor, she’d 11

tried to teach her the importance of keeping commitments. And 12

the appointment would at least keep her occupied, keep her mind 13

off what was going on.

14

By five, Kate’s mood had only darkened. Still no word from 15

Mills. And still no sign of Josie. Kate could feel the tension build-16

ing inside her. She chewed at a fingernail. Maybe she should have 17

gone to the meeting, if only to defend herself. And where in the 18

hell was Josie? Irresponsible. Immature. Selfish. Here she was, re-19

arranging her schedule for a girl who couldn’t even show up. Now 20

here was one place she could take some action. Turning to her 21

Rolodex, Kate flipped through the cards until she reached Josie’s 22

number.

23

w

24

Josie slapped the child — hard — across the face. For an instant, 25

there was silence. The little girl’s eyes got bigger. Then, she let 26

out a howl. Josie reached out and grabbed her sister. Hugging her 27

tight, she rocked the tiny figure back and forth. “I’m sorry, baby.

28

I’m sorry.”

29

As she rubbed four-year-old Shari’s back, Josie stared at the 30

chipped kitchen cabinets, now smeared with half a dozen raw eggs.

31

She’d left Shari alone just five minutes — five minutes! — telling 32

her to stay put at the kitchen table while she got the laundry out of 33

the dryer. But by the time she’d gotten back upstairs, Shari had ort 34

smashed every egg in the house. Yellow yoke slithered down the reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 1 9

painted wood, mixed with the snotlike white. Josie wanted to burst 1

into tears. Those eggs were supposed to be their dinner.

2

Shari’s cries had grown softer, and Josie plunked her down on a 3

kitchen chair. She’d promised herself that she’d never hit either of 4

the kids. They took enough abuse from their mother without a big 5

sister joining in. What was wrong with her today?

6

Closing her eyes, Josie leaned her arms against the kitchen 7

counter. She wished she were a million miles away. She wished 8

she’d been born into a totally different family. And most of all, she 9

wished that Mama would come home like she’d promised. Or at 10

least before the kids went to bed. But, she thought bitterly, what 11

were the chances of that?

12

Josie flung open the refrigerator door. The bulb had burned out 13

a long time ago, and she had to squint to see what was there. Noth-14

ing that would do for dinner. They did have some milk, though.

15

And a box of cereal. Well, that’s what they’d have to eat. And if 16

Shari and Freddy didn’t like it, that was just too bad.

17

Josie heard the front door open and close. Then Freddy was in 18

the kitchen, an eight-year-old bundle of denim and attitude.

19

“Freddy!” Shari’s small face grew bright. She was wild about her 20

older brother, though the feeling wasn’t mutual these days. Freddy 21

grunted and slumped down in a chair.

22

“What’d you do at school today?” Josie said, pulling three bowls 23

off a shelf.

24

“Nuthin’.”

25

“What d’you mean nothing?” Josie turned to face Freddy, who 26

was staring morosely at the egg-covered kitchen cabinets. He 27

didn’t bother to ask what had happened. “You’re in school eight 28

hours a day, you gotta do something. ”

29

“Not really. Hey. What we havin’ for supper?”

30

Josie dumped cereal into the three bowls. “Cap’n Crunch.”

31

“For supper? ” He gave her a disbelieving look.

32

“Yup.” Josie didn’t feel like explaining. She put bowls down in 33

front of the kids, then went back for her own. She poured milk on 34 sh

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Shari’s cereal, then pushed the carton over to Freddy, who looked 2

at it in disgust. Wasn’t he going to eat? She was too tired to care.

3

She picked up the milk and poured it over her own cereal. Every-4

thing was quiet. Which was fine with her.

5

But as she chewed, Josie found herself getting more upset. It was 6

so unfair! Everything was so good until this fall. Mama had gotten 7

so much better. She was even talking about looking for work or go-8

ing to school. And then, after Grandma died, everything had 9

fallen apart. That was when Josie had found the drug stuff, 10

wrapped in a towel in the closet. Crack vials, a pipe, needles. She’d 11

thrown the whole mess out, and Mama had never said a thing. But 12

both of them knew the score.

13

The phone rang.

14

“I’ll get it.” Freddy was already out of his chair, bounding to the 15

living room. Then, he was back, sullen and remote again. “ ’S for 16

you,” he mumbled and thrust the receiver at Josie.

17

Josie stared at the phone, her heart dropping in her chest. She 18

didn’t have to ask who it was. She could see Kate there in her of-19

fice, perfect as a movie star. Compared to Kate, she felt so low. If 20

only she could explain! But she just couldn’t take that risk. Once 21

she told someone what was going on, the BCW people would get 22

involved. They’d take the kids away, split up the family. She knew 23

all about it from her friend Tamika. Once you were in the System, 24

you never knew what would happen. Tamika’s little sister had been 25

put in a foster family who later adopted her. They changed her 26

name to theirs. Tamika couldn’t even see her anymore. It was ter-27

rible, but that’s how things were. And she wasn’t going to let that 28

happen with Shari and Freddy. No matter what.

29

“Josie, this is Kate Paine. At Samson & Mills.”

30

“I was gonna call you, but . . .” Josie didn’t finish the sentence.

31

At the sound of Josie’s voice, Kate felt her anger collapse, and she 32

just felt utterly sad. At the same time, she knew that she’d come to 33

the right decision. She just didn’t have the energy that Josie re-ort 34

quired. Not with everything else going on. Better for both of them reg 35

to move on. When she spoke, she made an effort to be kind.

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2 2 1

“Josie, this is the third session you’ve missed without calling. It 1

doesn’t make sense to go on this way.”

2

“You mean . . . I can’t come anymore?” Josie’s voice was low, as 3

if she was about to cry.

4

“You’re not coming anyway, so I don’t see what difference it will 5

make.” The words came out more sharply than Kate intended. Fur-6

ther proof of how on edge she was.

7

“But I . . . I . . .” Josie sounded dazed, and then the words poured 8

out in a rush. “You gotta let me come back, Kate. Please. I’ll do bet-9

ter. I won’t skip anymore. Really. I promise.”

10

Please. Kate paused, startled by the urgency in Josie’s voice. Al-11

most against her will, she felt a twinge of sympathy. Still raw from 12

the morning’s encounter with Peyton, she knew what it was like to 13

be dismissed.

14

Kate sighed. “Okay. But this is it. One more no-show and we’re 15

through. Understood?”

16

“Yeah, yeah.” Josie was fairly bubbling. “I’ll be there next week.

17

You’ll see.”

18

When Kate hung up the phone, she sat a few moments with her 19

chin pressed in her hand. Her sense of isolation was so strong that 20

it threatened to immobilize her. She checked her e-mail again.

21

Nothing. She’d decided to wait another ten minutes, then give 22

Peyton a call. In the meantime, she’d try to catch Andrea, who 23

should have finished up by now.

24

She punched in Andrea’s number. Suzanne picked up.

25

“Andrea’s gone for the day.”

26

The words almost didn’t register. “But she . . . she said she had 27

to get some documents out by five.”

28

“Yeah, well, she finished up early. Want me to leave her a mes-29

sage that you called?”

30

“No, that’s okay. I’ll get her at home tonight.”

31

Kate put down the receiver. What was going on? For more than a 32

year, Samson & Mills had been a second home. More than a home, 33

really. The one place where she’d felt secure. And now, within 34 sh

days, everything had changed. A partner was dead. She’d been at-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

tacked by a client. A close friend had cut her off. You know what, 2

she said to the room at large. I’m going home for the day. You want to 3

reach me, you can get me there.

4

w

5

The suspense was almost unbearable. He picked up the gun, as if to 6

reassure himself. It was comforting to hold the revolver, to run his 7

fingers along its ivory grip, to feel its cold weight in his hands. It 8

was a promise of sorts. An intimation. Proof that the day he’d 9

dreamed of would actually come to pass.

10

He thought back to when he was thirteen, when the plan had 11

first come to mind. Just a bare outline of what was to come, only 12

the very beginning. But he’d known he was onto something big.

13

He could still feel the excitement.

14

A desperately hot summer day. He’d been grounded yet again, 15

forbidden to leave the group home. He couldn’t remember what 16

he’d done. Stealing, perhaps. Or smoking pot. He’d been punished 17

so many times. He was in Ms. Llewellyn’s office. Screw-ellen, he 18

called her in his mind. She was talking to him, all watchful and 19

concerned. Screw-ellen wanted him to think about the future. He 20

was intelligent, she told him. The tests that he’d taken proved it.

21

He could do anything he set his mind to, if he’d only decide to try.

22

She said that she wanted to help, that she wanted to make a dif-23

ference. Yeah, right. He gave her about a year. There was a ring on 24

her left hand. Soon, there’d be a baby and then she’d be gone.

25

That’s how it always ended.

26

He’d been staring out the window, ignoring her, when one sen-27

tence filtered through. You only have one life, she’d said. You need to 28

think about your goals. Goals. It was something about that word.

29

He’d never thought much about the future. Never really seen the 30

point. Raise hell and die, that’s pretty much what he’d planned.

31

But maybe he’d been wrong. It was true what Screw-ellen was say-32

ing. He did only have one life. He’d thought about that for a while.

33

And the plan began to take shape.

ort 34

reg 35

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Friday, January 15

1

2

“What’s it called again?”

3

“Ballet Slipper Pink.”

4

“I really like it.”

5

Kate picked at a tossed salad and tried to ignore the girl talk.

6

She rarely ate in the firm cafeteria, and she was beginning to re-7

member why. She’d chosen this table because Peyton was here, 8

and she’d hoped they’d be able to talk. But so far, he’d been occu-9

pied. Instead, she’d been stuck with Angela Taylor, now waving a 10

manicured hand. A basis for comparing the virtues of pink and 11

mauve? Or just another chance to show off that ring? Kate chewed 12

a piece of green pepper and contemplated a means of escape.

13

“So what are you wearing tomorrow?” Having exhausted the 14

subject of fingernails, Angela was moving on to clothes. The firm’s 15

annual cocktail party, to be precise. But what was the point of her 16

question? Everyone always wore black. Kate edged her seat to the 17 sh

left, hoping to find a new conversation.

18 re

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“So my wife’s standing in the elevator with Ryan beside her.”

2

Patrick Rittenhouse was talking about his toddler son. “Before she 3

even notices that he’s moved, he’s tapping this guy on the knee.

4

The guy looks down and my kid goes, ‘Will you be my daddy?’ ”

5

Guffaws broke out. Someone pounded the table. Only Kate 6

failed to crack a smile. A little boy missed his overworked father so 7

much that he set out on his own to replace him. Why was that a 8

funny story? With murmured excuses, she picked up her tray and 9

headed back to her office. She’d thought that it would cheer her 10

up, to share a meal with other people. But during the half hour 11

she’d spent upstairs, her depression had only deepened.

12

Back at her desk, Kate checked for messages. Still no word from 13

Carter Mills. Outside, an icy drizzle leaked from the sky. Every-14

thing seemed cold and bleak.

15

At a loss for what to do next, Kate picked up a stack of mail.

16

Languidly, she began to thumb through it. A heavy square enve-17

lope caught her eye, and she pulled it out from the pile. A Sag Har-18

bor return address. With a sense of anticipation, Kate ripped 19

through the flap and pulled out a flat white card. Sam Howell: New 20

Work. Opening Reception December 10. Below the printed text was 21

a scribbled note in a strong, sloping hand. “Enjoyed our talk.

22

You’ve missed the opening, but the work’s still there. I’d love to 23

give you the tour.” At the bottom of the card, he’d scrawled his 24

name and number.

25

As she read the words, Kate’s spirits lifted. The world seemed 26

suddenly larger. Over the past few years, she’d all but forgotten 27

many things she’d once cared about. Photography was one of her 28

hobbies, still listed on her résumé. Yet when had she last shot a roll 29

of film? When had she last seen a show?

30

Still holding the note in her hand, Kate turned to stare out the 31

window. The night before she’d met Sam Howell, she’d dreamed 32

about India. And then he’d shown up with those pictures.

33

Varanasi, the holy city. She wasn’t superstitious, of course. All the ort 34

same, it struck her as strange. In her mind’s eye, she saw the pho-reg 35

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swept over her, a desire to escape her life. She’d planned to work 1

tomorrow, but there was nothing that couldn’t wait. She could go 2

to Sag Harbor tomorrow morning and be back for the party that 3

night. Without pausing to reconsider, she picked up the phone and 4

dialed.

5

“H’llo!” The voice that answered the phone was sharp. She 6

must have caught him at a bad time; she began a rushed introduc-7

tion.

8

“This is Kate Paine. We met at the Mug. I —”

9

“Of course!” In an instant, his tone changed. “Good to hear 10

from you. How’ve you been?”

11

“Fine, I —”

12

“Did you get my invitation?”

13

“Actually, I did. I just opened it. And I was thinking . . . , I 14

know this is sudden, but I was thinking of coming out tomorrow.”

15

“Terrific.” He sounded surprised but pleased.

16

“I’d have to catch a morning bus. I need to be back in the city 17

by early evening.”

18

“That shouldn’t be a problem. Why don’t you check the sched-19

ule and get back to me? I’ll meet you at the other end.”

20

w

21

Sam Howell gently hung up the phone and returned to the clut-22

tered table. Through a wall of windows, he could see the bay, sunk 23

in a winter haze. But his eyes were focused on the table’s surface.

24

Boxes and boxes of photographs. Different images. Different years.

25

But the model was always the same.

26

Carefully, he slid an 8 x 10 print out of its plastic casing. He 27

studied the image critically. It was, he thought, very good. Clearly 28

articulated whites. Richly modulated blacks. Then he felt a surge 29

of disgust. How could he focus on the form itself, forget what he 30

was looking at? There was something monstrous about it, this abil-31

ity to detach. Especially now. It raised questions he didn’t want to 32

face. Such as whether he’d really loved her. Such as whether he 33

could love at all.

34 sh

Now he forced himself to look at the image, to actually see her 35 re

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there. It was years since he’d looked at this picture. Yet he still re-2

membered the day. A Saturday morning. Early fall. He’d gotten up 3

to make coffee, then gone back to the bedroom to get dressed.

4

She’d been lying there, still asleep. She’d looked like a goddess at 5

rest.

6

And now she was dead. Now she was dead. It was this fact he 7

couldn’t get over. He’d always believed that he’d see her again.

8

And now that would never happen. Time spread before him end-9

lessly. It was too much to contemplate. Then, with sudden hope-10

fulness, he thought of Kate. How young she was, how young and 11

unsuspecting. A surge of protectiveness rushed through him.

12

There were, after all, still reasons to live. His work, for one. And 13

Kate. She’d be here tomorrow, just hours from now.

14

It was almost like a second chance.

15

w

16

Kate knew without checking that there wasn’t any food in the 17

kitchen, at least nothing that would do for dinner. She decided to 18

head for French Roast, a popular neighborhood bistro. Looking for 19

something to read while she waited, her eyes lit on Madeleine’s 20

book. Sexual Harassment of Working Women. After a moment’s 21

pause, she tossed it into her bag.

22

At the restaurant, Kate put her name on the waiting list. Then 23

she snagged a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of merlot. Next to 24

her, a couple was drinking frothy blue drinks out of oversized tulip 25

glasses. The man’s arm was draped casually across the woman’s 26

chair. Kate could almost feel the weight of the arm, the slight inti-27

macy with a promise of more to come. Michael and I used to sit like 28

that. . . .

29

Looking away, Kate pulled out her book.

30

She was just starting to read when a clean-cut guy in his twen-31

ties edged up alongside her. She watched as he strained to catch 32

her book’s title. Probably trying to come up with a pickup line. But 33

as she glanced over in his direction, his head jerked up. His eyes ort 34

met hers. “A little light reading, huh?” The smile was cold, the reg 35

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words unmistakably hostile. Without waiting for a response, he 1

flagged down the bartender. “Hey! Two Stoli martinis straight up.”

2

Kate flushed. For an instant she saw herself through his eyes: a 3

woman with a chip on her shoulder. Someone who spent Friday 4

nights drinking alone at a bar, devouring feminist dogma. A woman 5

who had “issues” with men. Then, just as quickly, embarassment 6

gave way to anger. Who was he to judge her, to make her feel this 7

way? She gave him a cold stare before turning back to the book.

8

But somehow she couldn’t concentrate. Gazing at the black-9

and-white words, she kept thinking of other things. Images floated 10

through her mind’s eye, remembered moments from the past few 11

days. Carter Mills’s desolate expression the day after Madeleine 12

died. Madeleine’s hand on her shoulder, her glittering green-eyed 13

gaze. The way Chuck Thorpe had smiled at her when —

14

Chuck Thorpe.

15

There, he was back again. She’d managed to forget about 16

Thorpe for an hour or so, but now he was back full force. Anx-17

iously, Kate glanced around the room, as if assuring herself that he 18

wasn’t nearby. It was almost as if she credited Thorpe with super-19

natural properties, the ability to appear at will. She tried to be ra-20

tional. There was no way Thorpe knew where she was tonight.

21

And even if he had somehow managed to follow her here, she’d be 22

safe in this room full of people.

23

Again, she tried to read, but still the words wouldn’t sink in.

24

Now that her thoughts had moved to Thorpe, she felt powerless to 25

wrench them away. You must be very careful. It seemed so obvious 26

now. The book. The veiled warning. Everything fit together.

27

Thorpe had certainly known Madeleine’s schedule. And what bet-28

ter way to ward off suspicion than to claim that you’d been stood 29

up? Even if Thorpe had an alibi, that didn’t rule out his involve-30

ment. He could always have hired someone to do the job. In fact, 31

she would have expected that.

32

Staring blankly at Madeleine’s book, Kate chewed over this 33

thought. Then she forced her attention back to the text, to a 34 sh

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heavily underlined passage. The decisively nontolerating woman must 2

suddenly be eliminated. Her mere presence becomes offensive; to be re-3

minded of her existence, unbearable.

4

The decisively nontolerating woman. An interesting phrase, 5

though she wasn’t quite sure what it meant. Kate’s eyes retraced 6

the words. And stopped at the end of the line.

7

Must suddenly be eliminated.

8

The words seemed eerily portentous. As if Madeleine had pre-9

dicted her own demise. But that had to be a coincidence. If Mad-10

eleine had known she was in danger, wouldn’t she have done 11

something? Kate tried to put herself in Madeleine’s place. It was 12

difficult, since she knew so little about Madeleine’s life and next to 13

nothing about her dealings with Thorpe. But maybe the threat had 14

been much less clear than it appeared after the fact. Perhaps 15

Madeleine had sensed Thorpe’s violent streak without ever imag-16

ining its reach.

17

“Miss? You okay?”

18

Kate raised her head. It was the bartender, a freckle-faced guy 19

who didn’t look more than eighteen.

20

“I’m fine,” Kate said. “Just thinking.”

21

Kate’s eyes moved back to the book, lighting on another marked 22

passage. Plainly, the wooden dichotomy between “real love,” which is 23

supposed to be a matter of free choice, and coercion, which implies some 24

form of the gun at the head, is revealed as inadequate to explain the so-25

cial construction of women’s sexuality. . . .

26

Gun at the head.

27

The phrase leaped out from the page. Pictures flashed through 28

Kate’s mind. Madeleine’s mutilated body. Madeleine shot through 29

the head. It was the gunshot wound that had killed her, that’s what 30

the newspapers said. The rest of it had come later. What had 31

Madeleine been thinking when she read these words? Why had she 32

underlined them?

33

Kate’s eyes slid to the next sentence and the next. She flipped ort 34

ahead twenty, then thirty, pages before again coming to a stop.

reg 35

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public policy although they may “satisfy a personal urge” of the perpe-1

trator. Not all urges are given free rein in society, heedless of their im-2

pact on others. . . .

3

“Kate Paine. Kate Paine.” Over the hum of voices, someone was 4

calling her name. Startled, Kate raised her head.

5

The hostess was waving her forward; her table was ready now.

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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1

Saturday, January 16

2

3

The

trip to Sag Harbor passed peacefully. During the summer 4

months, the Hampton Jitney was packed to capacity with jazzed-5

up weekenders on cell phones. Today, it was almost empty. Kate 6

grabbed two seats for herself and promptly fell asleep. She dozed for 7

the next couple of hours, waking as the bus reached town. Through 8

the window, she saw a snowy village street lined with small shops 9

and restaurants. Stepping down from the bus, Kate was glad that 10

she’d come.

11

“Kate!” Sam Howell was moving toward her, flashing an easy 12

smile. Dressed in a navy parka and jeans, he was taller than she re-13

membered, taller and better-looking. They shook hands, then 14

stood for an awkward moment. Howell gestured across the street.

15

“I thought we’d grab a bite to eat and then stop by the gallery.”

16

“Good. Fine.” Face to face with Howell, Kate felt a little shy.

ort 17

The restaurant had leather booths and a black-and-white reg 18

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checked floor. It smelled of sausage and roast potatoes and was do-1

ing a steady business.

2

“The Paradise,” Howell said, as they slipped into a booth. “My 3

favorite local place.”

4

Kate took a deep, satisfied breath then turned her attention to 5

the menu. She finally settled on bacon and blueberry pancakes.

6

And orange juice and coffee, too.

7

“I’ve never been out here,” Kate said, after they’d placed their 8

orders. “It seems almost magical, like something from another 9

time.”

10

Howell smiled. “I love it,” he said. “I moved out from the city a 11

number of years back, and I’ve never regretted it. Small-town life 12

suits me.”

13

“You do photography full time?”

14

“Yeah, I’ve been lucky. I haven’t worked at a day job since my 15

early twenties. That’s how I managed to live out here. I still have 16

to be in the city a lot, but I can pretty much set my own schedule.”

17

Kate nodded politely. She couldn’t imagine planning her own 18

time. Not just a day here and there but weeks and weeks at a 19

stretch. She was about to say something to that effect, but Howell 20

was talking again.

21

“That firm where you work, Samson & Mills. Isn’t that the place 22

a woman was killed?”

23

The question caught Kate off guard. “Well, she wasn’t killed at 24

the firm. But yes, one of the partners was murdered.”

25

“Did you know her?” Howell asked.

26

“Not well,” Kate said.

27

Howell seemed to be studying her. Then, after a pause, he went 28

on. “So what’s life like at those big city firms? Do you work for one 29

person at a time?”

30

At least it was a harmless inquiry, one she didn’t much mind an-31

swering. The mechanics of Samson & Mills she could deal with.

32

“That’s usually how it works for associates,” she said. “Lawyers who 33

aren’t partners yet. Sometimes people split their time between two 34 sh

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people. It all depends on the firm’s needs.” She sounded like a re-2

cruiting manual.

3

“I used to know someone who worked at Samson & Mills.

4

I can’t remember his name, though. Who do you work for there?”

5

“His name’s Carter Mills. He’s the managing partner.” Her ear-6

lier discomfort forgotten, Kate experienced a thrill of pride. Even 7

with all that had happened, she still felt the mystique of her posi-8

tion. “Who was the person you knew?”

9

“Oh, I forget his name. It was a long time ago now.” He seemed 10

suddenly preoccupied.

11

“Are you okay?” Kate asked.

12

Howell quickly looked up, the smile returned to his face.

13

“Sorry,” he said. “I was thinking about something else. Something 14

I have to do tonight.”

15

16

17

After polishing off her food, Kate followed Howell a short way 18

down Main Street to a small gallery. A slim, blond woman stood up 19

from a small desk to greet them. Her smile widened when she saw 20

Howell.

21

“Sam. Good to see you!”

22

Howell turned to Kate. “I’d like you to meet Virginia Cava-23

naugh, the owner of this wonderful place. Ginny, this is Kate 24

Paine. She came out from the city today.”

25

Kate smiled and extended her hand. Cavanaugh was elegantly but 26

simply dressed in black pants and a white silk shirt. There were a few 27

faint lines around her eyes. Still, she didn’t look much over thirty.

28

The gallery was airy and bright, with polished light wood floors.

29

There appeared to be several rooms. “Have you been here long?”

30

Kate asked.

31

“A couple of years. I paid my dues in Manhattan. I was with a 32

gallery on Fifty-seventh for about five years. But I always planned 33

to move out here when I could.”

ort 34

Howell touched Kate’s shoulder. “Let’s get started,” he said.

reg 35

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shot of an empty beach. The image seemed ordinary at first. But as 1

Kate’s eyes focused on the scene, she sensed an opening, a sort of 2

expansion. She thought of 3-D postcards, the kind that offer up 3

holographic images when you stare at them long enough. Only 4

here, it wasn’t so much a visual shift as something that happened 5

at a physical level. As if the picture was taking root inside her.

6

Kate turned to Howell. “You’re really good,” she said.

7

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

8

Kate blushed. “It’s not that. I just . . .” She let her voice trail off 9

as she turned to the next framed image. A rocky coastline and an 10

angry sea. Kate furrowed her brow. Hadn’t she seen this somewhere 11

before?

12

“That picture, where was it taken?”

13

“Maine. Up around Penobscot Bay.”

14

She wasn’t sure why it looked familiar. After a puzzled moment, 15

she moved on.

16

All in all, there were several dozen prints, some black and white, 17

some color, all showing ocean scenes. While the settings were dif-18

ferent, Kate could clearly see they were the work of a single artist.

19

In each picture, the elements were assembled against a backdrop of 20

sky. There was a bleakness to the scenes, but a bleakness that 21

hinted at secret riches. Something to be revealed. You stood before 22

the pictures waiting.

23

“Thanks so much for inviting me,” Kate said, as they stepped 24

from the gallery back onto Main Street. It was still early, a little be-25

fore three, but daylight was fading fast. The air had grown windy 26

and colder. The town seemed to be folding in on itself, hunkering 27

down for night.

28

“What time’s your bus?” Howell asked. Kate could see the icy 29

haze of his breath, rising in the air like frozen smoke.

30

“Around five,” Kate said. “But I’m fine. I’ll get a cup of coffee 31

and read.”

32

Howell frowned. “Listen, there’s no point in you hanging 33

around by yourself. I live right down the street. How about I make 34 sh

us some coffee and then run you back up here in time for your bus?”

35 re

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Kate struggled to frame a reply. “Oh, thanks, anyway,” she de-2

murred. “But I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

3

“It’s no trouble,” he insisted. “I have to go out again anyway.”

4

Howell’s hands thrust deep in his parka pockets. Dark hair 5

curled across his forehead. Heathcliff meets L. L. Bean. Kate felt 6

her resolution waver. After all, this wasn’t New York City. And 7

Howell was hardly a random stranger. Still, something held her 8

back. For days she’d been nervous, on edge. The residue of Chuck 9

Thorpe. Just the thought of his name made her mouth go dry. Her 10

body seemed to shrink inward. Then from nowhere, she was hit by 11

a blast of rage that overpowered every other thought. Who was 12

Chuck Thorpe to dictate her actions, to force her to live in fear?

13

With sudden defiance, she raised her chin. “I’d love to stop by your 14

house,” she said. “If you’re sure you really don’t mind.”

15

16

17

Sam Howell’s home turned out to be a restored fisherman’s cottage; 18

at least that’s what it felt like to Kate. It was small and snug, with 19

a row of windows facing the bay. The main room was simply and 20

sparely furnished. A sofa. Two chairs. A handsome round table in 21

some dark wood. The space had a settled aspect, as if everything 22

had been there for years. After pointing Kate toward an armchair, 23

Howell headed back down the hall.

24

“It must be beautiful here in the summer,” Kate said, raising her 25

voice to be heard.

26

“It is,” he called back. “But fall and spring are best. Before the 27

tourists descend.”

28

Kate could hear the hollow sound of water pouring into a kettle.

29

Her eyes took in the room. The walls, painted a soft terra-cotta, 30

showed no signs of Sam Howell’s work. There were several paint-31

ings, though. Kate’s eyes lingered on one of them, a faded folk-art 32

depiction of a young girl holding an apple.

33

The sound of footsteps on the smooth wood floor, and then ort 34

Howell was back with two mugs.

reg 35

“I already added milk. I hope you don’t mind.”

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“That’s just how I like it,” Kate said, accepting one of the mugs.

1

“No sugar, though.”

2

Howell raised his eyebrows. “In a good cup of coffee? Never.” He 3

flopped into the armchair across from hers, his legs stretched out 4

on a rug.

5

Sipping her coffee, Kate was struck by the quality of silence 6

here. While her own apartment was fairly quiet, there was always 7

some background noise. The muted bass of a neighbor’s stereo. A 8

distant car alarm. Footsteps in an upstairs apartment.

9

“You must sleep really well here.”

10

Howell smiled. “Yes, I suppose that I do.”

11

“Why no photographs on the wall?”

12

“Everyone asks me that. I’m not sure I have an answer. Maybe 13

it’s just that I need a break. To look at photographs while I’m eat-14

ing or having coffee . . . it would be like I was working all the 15

time.”

16

“Which would make you like me,” Kate said wryly.

17

“Long hours?”

18

Kate nodded. “I mean, I’m not complaining. Law firms get a bad 19

rap, but I actually like what I do. It’s just that, sometimes . . .” She 20

ended the sentence with a shake of her head. “I’m not sure what 21

I’m trying to say.”

22

Howell watched her across the rim of his mug. “It must be stress-23

ful working in a place where someone was recently killed.”

24

I don’t want to talk about that. “So how long have you lived in Sag 25

Harbor?”

26

“Close to ten years.” If Howell noticed the change of subject, he 27

didn’t let it show.

28

“That must have been a big adjustment, moving out here from 29

Manhattan. Why did you make the leap?”

30

Howell didn’t respond right away. His eyes, more green than 31

gray now, seemed to be searching her face.

32

“Kate, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

33

She returned his gaze, the words not quite sinking in. “What do 34 sh

you mean?”

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“I didn’t just bump into you by chance. I followed you the other 2

day.”

3

Kate put down her mug hard. Hot coffee splashed on her knees.

4

The silence that had seemed so soothing was all too sinister now.

5

For an interminable second or two, Kate didn’t move. Then, heart 6

racing, she sprang to her feet.

7

“Kate, please. I can explain.” He held out his hands, entreating.

8

As she moved toward the door, Howell blocked her escape. Kate 9

stood there facing him, her breath emerging in short bursts.

10

“Look, I just want to leave now. Will you just let me leave?” She 11

could hear the trembling in her voice.

12

Howell reached out to grasp her shoulders. Even through her 13

sweater, she could feel the strength of his hands. “I’m not sure what 14

you’re thinking, but you’ve got it wrong. I’m not —”

15

But Kate barely heard the words. She wasn’t sure she could 16

make it. Still, she was going to try. With a surge of energy, she 17

whirled around, yanking herself from Howell’s grip. He stumbled 18

back against the wall. She could hear him struggling to regain his 19

balance as she raced toward the front door. Grabbing the knob, she 20

braced for an attack, but miraculously nothing happened. And 21

then she was free, in the open air, running as fast as she could.

22

23

24

Back in town, Main Street sparkled in the early dusk. Kate stood 25

on the sidewalk, panting, trying to sort out what went wrong.

26

Everything had happened so fast. One moment, she was sitting in 27

a warm, bright house, engaged in relaxed conversation. The next, 28

she was fleeing down a windblown street, running in fear for her life.

29

Now that she was standing still, Kate realized she’d forgotten 30

her coat. Her skin, damp from exertion, felt clammy and icy cold.

31

She needed to find some shelter. Luckily, she had grabbed her 32

leather backpack, which she’d carried in lieu of a purse. After some 33

searching, she found a coffee shop open for business. She walked ort 34

inside, ordered a cup of hot chocolate, and took a seat at a high reg 35

round table.

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Waiting for her drink to cool, Kate tried to make sense of what 1

had happened. Howell had said that he’d been following her, that’s 2

what had set her off. She’d been right to get out when she did. It 3

had been the only smart thing to do. Run first, think later. Still, re-4

viewing the day, she wasn’t sure she’d been in any danger. She 5

went back over Howell’s behavior, from the time she’d arrived that 6

morning. They’d been seen together in public, first at the restau-7

rant and then at the gallery. Howell had introduced her to Virginia 8

Cavanaugh. In the end, he’d let her go. These facts didn’t jibe with 9

a picture of someone who’d meant to hurt her.

10

But if Howell hadn’t meant to hurt her, what had he wanted from 11

her? Why had he bothered to track her down, to invite her out to 12

Sag Harbor? It could just be that he found her attractive, but that 13

didn’t make much sense. Howell was a handsome, successful man.

14

There were millions of women in New York. As fear continued to 15

ebb, curiosity settled in. But the more Kate thought about all that 16

had gone on, the more baffled she became. Why had Howell wanted 17

to talk to her? What had he wanted to say? Kate’s eyes drifted to a 18

phone on the counter. Should she give him a chance to explain?

19

Kate was still pondering this option when Howell walked 20

through the door. Their eyes locked. For several seconds, neither 21

spoke. Then Howell took a couple of tentative steps. Kate saw he 22

carried her coat.

23

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Howell said, still keep-24

ing a careful distance. “Here. You forgot something.”

25

“Thanks.” Taking the coat from his extended hand, Kate felt a 26

little absurd. Howell looked so calm, so normal. Instead of demand-27

ing an explanation, she found herself offering one. “I’m sorry for 28

running out like that. But when you said you’d been following me, 29

it really freaked me out.”

30

Howell put out a hand to stop her. “It’s my fault,” he said. “I 31

shouldn’t have started like that. I don’t blame you for being afraid.”

32

He was still standing several feet away. After a moment of hesi-33

tation, Kate gestured at an empty stool. “You can sit down if you 34 sh

want,” she said.

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1

“Thanks.” He slid onto the seat, still watching her face. “Listen, 2

I have to explain. It’s important. It . . . it has something to do with 3

Madeleine’s death.”

4

Kate stared at him, confused. “Madeleine Waters?”

5

Howell bit his lip. “I should have told you right off. Madeleine 6

was my wife. My ex-wife, I should say.”

7

“Your ex-wife?” It was all Kate could do to repeat the words.

8

They simply wouldn’t sink in.

9

Now Howell was racing ahead, the words pouring out in a rush.

10

“I saw you at Madeleine’s funeral. I asked who you were. I knew 11

that I needed to meet you.”

12

“Madeleine was your ex-wife? ” She’d never even heard that Mad-13

eleine had been married. Could Howell’s words possibly be true?

14

Then it came back, the photograph in Madeleine’s office. The 15

crashing waves against the rocks. Of course. No wonder Howell’s 16

work had seemed familiar.

17

“Look,” Howell said, “maybe I should start at the beginning.”

18

Kate met his eyes and nodded.

19

Sitting there on his stool, Howell seemed tired but determined.

20

“Madeleine and I went to college together in Chicago. We got 21

married right after graduation and moved to New York. Madeleine 22

was at Columbia, in law school. I was doing photography, trying to 23

start a career. Doing odd jobs to make money. Things were fine the 24

first couple of years. Then, after her second year of law school, 25

Madeleine took a summer job at Samson & Mills. She loved it 26

from the start, said she’d really found her niche. That fall, she 27

stayed on part-time. The hours were crazy, but I accepted that. I 28

was pretty busy myself.

29

“The following spring she finished school. That’s when she told 30

me she’d be moving out. I was completely astonished. I’d thought 31

we were doing fine. I didn’t hassle her about her hours. Was even 32

proud she was doing so well. Anyway, I demanded an explanation.

33

Demanded and later begged. But I never got much of an answer.

ort 34

Just vague words about growing apart. The next thing I knew, she reg 35

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2 3 9

was gone. We spoke only a few times after that. The divorce went 1

through a year later.

2

“Flash forward to last month. Out of nowhere, I get this letter. It 3

came in the regular mail. Addressed by hand. I recognized her writ-4

ing immediately. You can’t imagine how I felt, all the feelings that 5

came up. I didn’t open it right away. I took a long walk instead, try-6

ing to sort things out. I was afraid, I guess. Afraid of what the let-7

ter might say. Afraid of what might be left out. Confused, too. Did 8

I want her to say it was all a mistake, that she wanted to try again?

9

Not really. I couldn’t imagine that. What I wanted, I finally figured 10

out, was something I could never have. I didn’t want Madeleine 11

back. I wanted her not to have left.”

12

Kate stared down at her mug, tracing the rim with a finger. I 13

wanted her not to have left. He’s got it exactly right, she thought.

14

That’s exactly the way that you feel.

15

After a time, Kate looked up. “So why was she writing you now?”

16

“She wanted to apologize. She said she’d been thinking about 17

the past. And thought she owed me an explanation. That’s when I 18

found out about Mills. That they’d been having an affair. I knew 19

the name, of course. She’d talked about him all the time. Carter 20

this, Carter that. I’d tuned out most of it. You’d think I might have 21

had some suspicion. But, really, I had no idea.”

22

Hearing the pain in his voice, Kate felt a wave of empathy. And 23

with it, a jolt of apprehension. Was this what her own future held?

24

Ten years from now, would she still be thinking about Michael?

25

She tried to push the thought away.

26

“What did she want?”

27

“I don’t know exactly,” Howell said. “I never had a chance to 28

find out. We were supposed to have dinner, had actually set a date.

29

But she was killed before we could meet. All I know for sure is that 30

she was scared. She felt very isolated, very alone. She needed 31

someone to trust.”

32

Kate leaned toward Howell, electrified by what he’d just said.

33

“Did she mention anyone by name?”

34 sh

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1

Howell looked her squarely in the eye. “She was scared of Carter 2

Mills,” he said. “Of what Mills might do to her.”

3

“Of Carter Mills?” Kate eyed Howell doubtfully.

4

“I think she knew something about him. Something that would 5

hurt his career.”

6

Kate stared at Howell, disbelieving. She must have misunder-7

stood. “You don’t think that Carter killed her?”

8

“He wouldn’t have done it himself.”

9

“But you think he’s the one who arranged it?”

10

“Yes.”

11

“I’m sorry,” Kate said, shaking her head, “but it just doesn’t 12

make any sense. I mean, I know Carter Mills. I work for him. He’d 13

never —” Kate broke off midsentence, conscious of Howell’s stony 14

gaze. “Look, what did she say exactly? To make you think that 15

about Carter Mills?”

16

“I don’t remember precisely.” Howell’s voice had a sharper edge 17

now.

18

“But . . . you talked to the police about it?”

19

“Of course. They have a copy of the letter.”

20

“Well, then . . .” Kate looked at her watch. Saved by the bell.

21

“Wow, I’ve really got to get going. I’ve only got about ten min-22

utes.”

23

Standing up from her chair, she pulled on her coat and extended 24

a hand. “So . . . thanks.”

25

Howell gave her an ironic look.

26

“No, really,” Kate insisted. “It was great seeing your work.”

27

She was almost out the door when a sudden thought made her 28

turn back. “There’s one thing I still don’t get. That day you saw me 29

at the church. What made you want to talk to me?”

30

Howell studied her face. “Take off your glasses,” he said.

31

Kate had no idea what he was getting at. Still, she did as he’d 32

asked. Without her glasses, the room was a blur, an interplay of 33

light and dark. She couldn’t make out Howell’s features, though ort 34

she sensed him watching her. Then, from across the table, she reg 35

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2 4 1

heard his disembodied voice. “Didn’t you ever notice how much 1

you look like her?”

2

3

4

Kate gazed out the window, watching the outskirts of town give 5

way to endless winter fields. Traffic was light. Cold air seeped 6

through the window. She tried to think about the evening ahead, 7

the upcoming cocktail party. But she couldn’t seem to shake How-8

ell’s voice.

9

Didn’t you ever notice how much you look like her?

10

Head still turned toward one side, Kate reached into her back-11

pack and pulled out a plastic compact. She held the round con-12

tainer in her hands a moment. Then she snapped it open and 13

looked. First with glasses. Then without. Blue eyes stared back 14

from the mirror. Madeleine’s eyes were green.

15

And then, suddenly, she saw it.

16

Me but not me . . .

17

She stared at the image, as if hypnotized, wondering how she 18

could have missed it. But then, she sometimes didn’t recognize her 19

own reflection. No surprise she hadn’t picked this out. Besides, the 20

resemblance wasn’t so much to the Madeleine she’d known, but to 21

the woman on the TV news. A Madeleine whose sleek dark bob 22

had grazed her cheek. Just as her own hair did now.

23

For several minutes, Kate studied the image, in horrified fasci-24

nation. Now that she’d seen this, what did she do? And what could 25

it possibly mean?

26

27

28

Strains of a string quartet greeted Kate as she arrived at the cocktail 29

party. The cafeteria had been transformed. The lights were low.

30

Candles flickered. Tables were piled high with food. The men 31

looked much as they did during the week; the women wore simple 32

black dresses. Kate tossed off greetings as she edged through the 33

crowd, scanning the room for Carter Mills.

34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

She’d just picked up a white wine spritzer when she heard some-2

one call her name.

3

“Kate. Over here.” It was Justin. He was standing with two col-4

leagues. One was Victor Lawson. She didn’t know the other guy.

5

“Come rescue me!” Justin called. “I’m trapped in the conversation 6

from hell. We’re deep in discussion of the subway system.”

7

“Litigators,” Kate said, approaching the group. “Is there any-8

thing they can’t debate?” Returning Justin’s smile, she felt a pang 9

of sadness, sudden as it was unexpected. Laura Lacy. Of course, 10

Justin had gone out on dates before, but there’d never been anyone 11

serious. Somehow, she knew this was different.

12

“You know Victor Lawson,” Justin said. Kate nodded. “And this 13

is Mark Postino.”

14

“Hi, Mark.”

15

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” With his strong Bronx accent and mus-16

cled build, Postino looked more like a wrestler than a white-shoe 17

lawyer.

18

“What year are you?” she asked.

19

“Third. But I just started here last month. I used to be at Cra-20

vath.”

21

“If you don’t mind,” Victor Lawson said, raising an eyebrow. “I 22

was just making a very important transportation point.”

23

The mock argument resumed. Kate took a seat on a window 24

ledge. Outside it had started to snow. Wet flakes hurtled through 25

the building’s light before vanishing below. Turning back to the 26

room, Kate again scanned the crowd. The partnership was out in 27

full force. Bruce Stroesser huddled with Martin Drescher. Bill Mc-28

Carty and Karen Henderson talked nearby. One by one, Kate 29

picked out another half dozen familiar faces. Colin Barfield. Dave 30

Bosch. Warren Leverett. But still no sign of Carter Mills. Could she 31

somehow have missed his arrival? She decided to check around.

32

“I’m going to get some food,” Kate said, hopping down from her 33

perch.

ort 34

Justin put down his drink. “I’ll go with you. I could use some-reg 35

thing to eat.”

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Together they approached the buffet table. It was an impressive 1

sight, filled with an array of complex hors d’oeuvres. Tuna sashimi 2

on tiny potato crisps. Endive leaves filled with chevre and caviar.

3

Mushroom caps stuffed with green-flecked puree. “Big food, ” An-4

drea called these ornate creations. It occurred to Kate that Andrea 5

was someone else she hadn’t seen yet tonight.

6

“Quite a spread, huh?” Justin was methodically filling a plate.

7

“Definitely beats the Harvard Club. Although, come to think of it, 8

these broiled oysters would taste great with a big glob of Cheez 9

Whiz.”

10

“Maybe you should suggest it,” Kate said, still looking over the 11

room. The conversational buzz was growing louder, all but drown-12

ing out the string quartet. “Justin, have you seen Carter tonight?”

13

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. But I haven’t been looking for 14

him. Hey, want to go back to Lawson and Postino?”

15

Kate managed a smile. “No thanks. I think I’m going to do a lit-16

tle mingling.”

17

w

18

The ticking of the grandfather clock seemed louder than usual 19

tonight. Mills saw it was almost eight. He was long overdue up-20

stairs. But picturing the strained festivities — the pathetically 21

elaborate hors d’oeuvres, the anxious young lawyers, desperate to 22

make an impression — he just couldn’t face it yet. Besides, he had 23

other things on his mind, issues far more pressing than a cocktail 24

party.

25

Mills sank back into his chair and folded his hands. Gazing out 26

the window at the city’s anonymous depths, he found himself wish-27

ing he could disappear. He was tired, terribly tired. What he really 28

yearned for was sleep. A deep, dreamless slumber that would ban-29

ish all thought. But sleep really wasn’t an option. It was laughable, 30

almost, how his luck had turned. Luck had been with him for so 31

many years, he’d almost forgotten its presence. But now he sensed 32

cracks in his life’s foundation. So far, the movement was insub-33

stantial. Nothing that couldn’t be dealt with. But he was too much 34 sh

of a realist to think that it would end here.

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

Behind him, a gold hinged frame held studio portraits of two 2

boys. Turning away from the window, Mills briefly studied the 3

pictures. A pair of blond children with indiscriminate smiles.

4

Looking at them, he felt nothing. Except perhaps irritation. After 5

all, what did his sons — young men now — know of the pressures 6

he faced? The boys had always reminded him of their mother, a re-7

semblance that had grown more striking with the passing years.

8

Diane accused him of being heartless, of caring no more for his 9

sons than for her. He never responded to these accusations. For 10

what was there to say? He looked at the boys and saw nothing of 11

himself. Nothing to take hold of, to mold, to shape. Quite simply, 12

he’d lost interest.

13

Then he was thinking of another picture. The one he’d de-14

stroyed last week. He could still see her face in his mind’s eye. The 15

sweep of dark hair, the broad forehead, the brilliant, wide-set eyes.

16

If only he could have destroyed his memories along with her pho-17

tograph. Instead, they were growing stronger. Ever since he’d cut 18

up the picture, he’d been obsessed by the past. As if by reliving 19

events in his mind, he could somehow alter their course.

20

If only they’d never met.

21

It was this thought that haunted him most. After all, what were 22

the odds? They were different people from different worlds. Their 23

paths need never have crossed. So many chances for avoidance! If 24

only he’d picked a different movie. If only he’d gone to a later 25

show. If only she hadn’t worked that night. His mind had run on 26

like this for days. He couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep. The mental 27

discipline that was his stock-in-trade seemed to have deserted him 28

entirely. He could almost imagine she was watching him. Staring 29

through a keyhole, gloating.

30

Then, without warning, he heard a voice. Each day is a new be-31

ginning. You must never rest on your laurels. His father’s words rever-32

berated in Carter’s mind, filling him with a trembling rage. Give up 33

now? And prove his father right? Never. Not while he still had a ort 34

choice. He was a litigator, one of the best. He’d built a career on reg 35

beating the odds. He could certainly do it again.

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2 4 5

The burst of anger seemed to have energized him. He could feel 1

his self-confidence returning. The situation that had seemed so 2

bleak now seemed entirely manageable. Why already he’d taken 3

steps. Removed Kate Paine from the Thorpe case, started to re-4

sume control. Thorpe was a problem, of course. Mills thought of 5

the horrendous cassette. Madeleine’s secret weapon. That must 6

have been how she’d seen it. Briefly, he wondered where it had 7

come from — from Friedman’s lawyer? from one of her friends? —

8

but none of that mattered now. The only thing that mattered was 9

the future. He’d raised the issue of the tape with Thorpe, hoping 10

for some explanation. But all he’d gotten was blanket denials and 11

improbable speculations. Thorpe knew that Jed Holden would 12

back him. And, unfortunately, Thorpe was right. Jed Holden saw 13

Thorpe as a surrogate son. It was Samson’s job to protect him.

14

And, most especially, it was Carter Mills’s job, thanks to their pri-15

vate “arrangement.”

16

Mills put his head in his hands. How had he ended up here? He’d 17

never seen himself as a man who took risks. But lately, he’d begun 18

to wonder. Why had he selected Kate Paine to go through Mad-19

eleine’s office? If he’d thought about it even an instant, he’d have 20

seen he was tempting fate. And then further back, when he’d 21

started those side deals with Holden. It wasn’t that he’d needed the 22

money. Even before his father died, he’d had more than enough to 23

pay the bills. And further back still, Maria.

24

Why hadn’t he noticed it before, this pattern of seeking out 25

danger? Perhaps because the events were so widely spaced in time.

26

It wasn’t a daily occurrence. Or even a yearly one. Still, these were 27

not the actions of a rational man, of the man that he’d thought he 28

was. His actions seemed to reflect a sort of death wish. A strange 29

urge to self-destruct.

30

Once again, he thought of the photograph. Left as a calling 31

card. He was not a superstitious man. Still, he had a growing con-32

viction that his troubles all stemmed from her. And what of that 33

strange resemblance to Kate Paine. No, not Kate Paine, Madeleine.

34 sh

Not Kate Paine . . .

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

That associate, Kate Paine. You hired her, didn’t you? Just look at 2

her . . .

3

For a moment, they swam through his mind, these three 4

women: Kate, Madeleine, and Maria. Their faces mingled and 5

merged, a sea of lustrous hair and bright eyes. A thought was trying 6

to break through, but he couldn’t quite seem to grasp it.

7

And then there was a knock on the door.

8

w

9

Kate was heading to the bar for another spritzer when she felt a tap 10

on her shoulder. Dave Bosch, the young partner who’d chaperoned 11

her talk with Cathy Valencia. He looked crisp and well polished in 12

his good dark suit; genetically designed to inspire trust in clients 13

and fear in opposing counsel.

14

“Nice to see you, Kate. How’ve you been?”

15

“Just fine, thanks.” Yeah, right. “And you?”

16

“Terrific.” Bosch’s voice was as starched as his shirt. “Listen, I’m 17

really looking forward to having you on the team. We’ll set up a 18

meeting next week to get you up to speed on the Danbury case.”

19

Kate gave him a baffled look. “What do you mean?”

20

Bosch seemed taken aback. “I . . . Carter must have spoken to 21

you about this by now.”

22

Kate continued to stare. Bosch pushed ahead. “I’m sorry. I 23

thought you knew. You’re being transferred to my team.”

24

“Why?” The question was out before she could stop herself.

25

Ours is not to reason why. . . .

26

“It’s simply a staffing decision,” Bosch said. “Nothing to do with 27

your work. We decided the Thorpe case was overstaffed. That’s 28

all.”

29

“I see.” A dull pounding was beginning in her ears. Kate knew 30

that she should ask about the Danbury case, to display some inter-31

est, but she just couldn’t bring herself to care.

32

“The Danbury case is cutting-edge stuff, Kate.” Bosch’s voice 33

held an edge of reproach. “It’ll give you great experience. Much ort 34

broader training than you’d get with Carter. Sexual harassment reg 35

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2 4 7

law may be hot, but it’s not where the bulk of our work is. Anti-1

trust, on the other hand —”

2

Antitrust. Not only was she being bumped from Carter Mills to 3

Dave Bosch — from the firm’s most powerful partner to one of its 4

most junior — but they were going to bury her in some endless 5

commercial regulatory dispute. Endless mountains of documents to 6

be reviewed in windowless conference rooms. Endless pages of in-7

terrogatories. And why? What was behind it all? There was only 8

one thing Kate knew for sure: this was no simple staffing shift.

9

“— is at the heart of our practice. Samson & Mills has the 10

largest —”

11

“Excuse me,” Kate said, cutting off Bosch in midsentence. “But 12

I need to catch up with someone.” She barely noticed Bosch’s as-13

tonished expression as she made a beeline toward Peyton Winslow.

14

Peyton was standing in line at the buffet. His cool smile gave no 15

sign that he knew what had happened. But of course that could 16

just be an act. She didn’t trust anyone now.

17

“Hello, Kate. Feeling better?”

18

“Excuse me?”

19

“Are you feeling better? You had that doctor’s appointment.”

20

“Oh. Yeah. I’m fine.” Kate rushed ahead, urgency overriding cir-21

cumspection. “Listen, have you seen Carter? I really need to talk to 22

him.”

23

Peyton eyed her warily. He could tell that something was up.

24

“He’s probably still down in his office. I know he had some work to 25

get through.”

26

w

27

Before Carter Mills could respond, the office door swung open to 28

reveal a single visitor.

29

“May I help you?” Mills said.

30

“I need to speak with you, Carter.” The voice was surprisingly 31

assured.

32

Mills raised a dismissive hand. “You’ll need to make an appoint-33

ment. I’m afraid that I’m busy now.”

34 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

“But I’m not, Carter,” the intruder said, turning to close and 2

lock the office door. “I’m not busy at all. In fact, I’ve been waiting 3

a long time for this conversation.”

4

Mills stared at the intruder. With a sudden movement, he 5

reached for the phone.

6

“Sorry, but I can’t let you do that.” And Carter watched, with 7

rising disbelief, as the intruder drew from his pocket a silver-plated 8

gun with an ivory grip. Stunned, Mills stared at the revolver. It 9

couldn’t be the same one, it couldn’t.

10

It was then that he saw the gloves.

11

Quickly Mills rose to his feet, but the intruder was even faster.

12

He was there by Mills’s side, the gun aimed straight at Mills’s head.

13

“Carter, I sure would appreciate it if you’d take a seat. Makes me 14

a little nervous to see you fidgeting like that.”

15

Mills sat.

16

“Now then, Carter, we’ll have to take one more precaution.”

17

With the gun still pointing at Mills’s head, the intruder edged a few 18

steps back. “What I can assure you,” the intruder continued, “is 19

that this won’t hurt a bit.”

20

Mills gagged as something soft was thrust in his mouth, then 21

twisted several times around his head. He tried to rise out of the 22

chair, but the intruder jacked back an arm, forcing him down in his 23

seat. Before Mills knew what was happening, his hands were bound 24

tightly behind him.

25

“Not bad at all,” the intruder said. Once again, he stood facing 26

Mills. “For someone with not much experience. I’d say we’re ready 27

to have our little talk.”

28

Mills’s eyes darted furiously around the room, as if seeking a 29

means of escape.

30

The intruder, however, was calm. “Of course, you’re at some-31

thing of a disadvantage, as far as conversation goes. But that’s okay, 32

Carter. That’s okay. Because I have enough to say for both of us.”

33

w

ort 34

Alone in the brightly lit corridor, Kate walked toward Carter reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

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her heart thudded anxiously. Her footseps slowed, then stopped as 1

she paused for a moment to prepare. Smoothing the front of her 2

dress, Kate noticed her glasses seemed smudged.

3

She’d just finished polishing the lenses, when something caught 4

her eye. A blur, a sudden movement, down at the end of the hall.

5

Kate’s heart seemed to liquefy. Two words slammed into her brain: 6

Chuck Thorpe. Quickly, she jammed on her glasses. Trembling, she 7

gazed ahead. The scene almost pulsed with stillness. No one, noth-8

ing, was there. Leaning against a bank of secretarial stations, Kate 9

waited for her pulse to slow. Then, squaring her shoulders, she pro-10

ceeded toward Mills’s open door.

11

An open door.

12

Once more, Kate stopped, her heart beating faster again. Had 13

the door been open earlier? Before she took her glasses off? Not so 14

far as she remembered. But again, she couldn’t be sure.

15

Cautiously, Kate entered the reception area. Nothing unusual 16

here. Clara’s desk was cleared for the weekend. A blue cardigan 17

sweater hung over the back of her chair. The door to Mills’s private 18

office was closed, but light shone out from beneath. Kate knocked 19

softly three times. Then again with more determination. Still, she 20

got no response.

21

Maybe he was tied up on the phone. Kate pressed an ear to the 22

door, trying to make out some sound. For an uncertain moment, 23

she considered leaving. But she’d already come so far. And she 24

couldn’t keep putting this off. She’d just crack open the door, let 25

him know that she was waiting outside.

26

She put her hand to the doorknob. The handle turned under her 27

grasp. Then the walls were rushing toward her. Something was ter-28

ribly wrong. She wasn’t sure what she was looking at, but she knew 29

that she couldn’t breathe.

30

Red. Red everywhere.

31

Blood.

32

And Carter Mills. Seated at his desk. Slumped to one side in the 33

chair.

34 sh

She couldn’t see his face, only blood.

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1

And clutched in his hand, something small and shiny.

2

A gun.

3

Slowly, Kate began to edge back. Time didn’t exist anymore.

4

She felt as if she’d stumbled onto a film set. Or into someone else’s 5

dream. Her mouth opened wide in a silent cry.

6

And then, she began to scream.

7

w

8

Kate stared at Detective Cathy Valencia’s vermilion mouth, open-9

ing and closing in a rhythmic staccato. It reminded her of folded 10

origami toys she’d played with as a child, inserting thumb and fore-11

finger to make the paper open and shut.

12

“Ms. Paine?”

13

“I’m sorry. Could you repeat the question?”

14

“I just want you to tell me exactly what happened, from the time 15

you left the party until Detective Glaser got here.”

16

They were sitting in Colin Barfield’s office. Glaser, the first de-17

tective on the scene, was seated at Valencia’s left. Kate was dimly 18

aware of a cluster of figures on the other side of the room. Barfield.

19

Martin Drescher. Bruce Stroesser. The power brokers of Samson & 20

Mills.

21

“I left the party sometime after eight. Around eight-fifteen or 22

eight-thirty. I’d been trying to catch up with Carter for the past 23

couple of days about . . . about a few different things. I thought I’d 24

see him at the cocktail party, but he wasn’t there. Then another as-25

sociate I work with — Peyton Winslow — said Carter was in his 26

office. That’s why I went up.”

27

“And then?” Valencia’s voice was gently prodding.

28

“When I got to the outside office, I saw a light under Carter’s 29

door. I knocked but no one answered. I thought maybe Carter was 30

on the phone, so I cracked open the door a little. And that’s when 31

I saw . . . what had happened. I didn’t touch anything. I just sort of 32

backed out of the room. Then I called Building Security.”

33

Kate was surprised by how detached she felt. She could be de-ort 34

scribing a painting, or a scene in a play. She pulled her cape tight reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 5 1

around her. Someone had brought it down from where she’d left it 1

upstairs. The softness was soothing. But the color . . .

2

Again, she saw the shattered remains of Carter Mills’s head, the 3

crimson torrent that had drenched his shirt.

4

“Ms. Paine? Are you all right? Would you like some more tea?”

5

Kate realized she was clutching at the arms of her chair. “No,”

6

she said, forcing her hands to unclench. “I’m fine now. I just felt a 7

little dizzy.”

8

Valencia went back to asking questions. Kate responded as if by 9

rote, her mind still riveted on what she’d seen.

10

“Do you . . . have any idea who killed him?” Kate said.

11

Valencia and Glaser exchanged glances.

12

“What?” Kate said.

13

Then she heard a cough. Colin Barfield, standing at the head of 14

the Samson contingent, moved a few steps toward her.

15

“This wasn’t a murder,” Barfield said. “It was . . . some kind of 16

accident. We’re in the process of piecing it all together.” The other 17

partners nodded, as if echoing Barfield’s words. Kate stared at the 18

impassive faces. An accident. But that was impossible. Why would 19

Mills have had a gun in his office?

20

“But how . . .” Kate’s voice trailed off, as the implication hit 21

home.

22

Carter Mills, they were saying, had killed himself.

23

w

24

Music pounded in his ears; water pounded against his skin. Awash 25

in this sea of sound and sensation, he rejoiced in the opera’s final 26

chorus. Wer glücklich ist wie wir, dem ziemt nur eins: schweigen 27

und tanzen! There is only one thing fitting for those happy as we: to be 28

silent and dance! Jumping out of the shower, he grabbed a clean 29

white towel and vigorously rubbed himself down. Then, still 30

naked, he strode into the loft’s main room, the place from where 31

the music came.

32

Schweigen und tanzen!

33

Richard Strauss’s Elektra.

34 sh

35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

He’d discovered this opera only last week. But he’d instantly 2

known it was perfect.

3

Except for the flicker of candles, the room was dark. He wanted 4

to scream, to moan, to bellow his news through the streets. But, 5

just as the music said, he had to be silent. To be silent and dance.

6

On a sudden impulse, he flung his arms outward, then collapsed 7

down. The movements felt strange but right. Over and over, he 8

continued the thrashing motions, moving in a large, slow circle 9

around the room. A ritual celebration.

10

When the CD ended, he pushed Play again. Then he stood in 11

the center of the room, uncertain what to do next. Water still 12

dripped from his hair, running in rivulets down his neck and back.

13

Turning to look behind, he could see a trail of wet footprints lead-14

ing from the bathroom to where he stood. If he squinted, he could 15

pretend it was marked in blood.

16

Now that he’d stopped moving, he noticed how cold the loft 17

was. But he didn’t feel like getting dressed. He wanted no artificial 18

barriers between himself and this point in time.

19

Across from his desk, he’d set up a sort of altar. Above a sea of 20

glimmering candles, her eyes followed his every move. He stared at 21

the picture from a distance before moving in for a closer look. So 22

familiar, yet always new. With one finger, he traced her brow. He 23

could tell from her expression she was pleased. Leaning forward, he 24

gently kissed the glossy paper cheek. Take care of your mother.

25

You’re all she’s got. For years, those words had echoed in his mind, 26

an undying reminder of how he’d failed. The guilt had been un-27

bearable. Sometimes he’d managed to drown it out, with cheap gin 28

and later with drugs. But always the voice had come back. They’d 29

told him that he should ignore it. They’d told him it wasn’t real.

30

But he’d always known they were wrong. They didn’t — couldn’t —

31

understand.

32

She was so beautiful in that picture! One hand pushing back a 33

piece of hair, the other reaching out to embrace him. It was the ort 34

same picture he’d left for Kate, knowing that she’d understand. A reg 35

sign that he hadn’t forgotten. That it was only a matter of time.

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He looked to the metal door, half expecting Kate to appear. As 1

she had earlier that night. What a wondrous turn of events! She’d 2

seen him leave Carter Mills’s office. Now she knew that his work 3

was done. But instead of improving his spirits, the thought seemed 4

to pull him down. This was a time of rejoicing, a time that ought 5

to be shared. So why hadn’t she rushed to find him? What was she 6

waiting for?

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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1

Sunday, January 17

2

3

They’d managed to keep Carter Mills’s death out of the Sunday pa-4

pers. But whether this was a reflection of Samson’s powers or 5

merely a testament to the dictates of daily deadlines, Kate had no 6

idea. Slouched on the sofa, she stared at the Metro page headlines.

7

Beside her Tara was knitting, something in a dark blue wool. Tara 8

had slept on the couch last night after picking up Kate at the of-9

fice. This morning she looked rumpled but serene, her red-gold 10

curls secured on her head with a heavy tortoise-shell clip. It 11

seemed to Kate that Tara hadn’t aged since college. She, on the 12

other hand, felt a thousand years older.

13

“What are you making?” Kate asked.

14

“A sweater.”

15

“I didn’t even know you could knit. When did you start?”

16

“About a year ago, I guess.”

ort 17

The words hung between them, another sign of how far their reg 18

paths had diverged.

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“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?” Tara said, gloss-1

ing over the awkward moment. “I picked up some bagels at H&H.”

2

“Thanks. But I’m not really hungry. Maybe later.”

3

The only sound in the room was the gentle clicking of Tara’s 4

knitting needles. Through the window, Kate could see snow drifted 5

up against the window frame. But despite last night’s blizzard, Tara 6

hadn’t hesitated to come out.

7

Kate felt grateful, grateful and a little guilty.

8

“Thanks again for picking me up last night.”

9

“No problem. I’m glad that you called.”

10

“Well, thanks. Really.” As she spoke, Kate heard a muffled 11

growling in her stomach. She must be hungry after all. “You know, 12

maybe I will have a bagel.”

13

“Do you want me to —”

14

“No. That’s okay.”

15

The H&H bag on the kitchen counter gave off a yeasty smell.

16

Kate peered inside and pulled out a cinnamon raisin bagel. After 17

slicing the bagel in two, she spread a thick layer of cream cheese 18

over both halves. She tried to keep her mind on what she was do-19

ing. But even as she puttered around the kitchen, memories began 20

to seep back.

21

Dark red blood.

22

The glint of the gun.

23

Carter Mills’s ravaged body.

24

Kate put the bagel on a plate and returned to her spot on the 25

couch. Tara was still knitting, her hands skillfully manipulating 26

the skein of yarn. She seemed competent and calm. Kate wished 27

she could be like that.

28

“D’you think I could learn how to knit?” Kate’s voice sounded 29

small, a child’s voice.

30

Tara looked up. “Of course. If you want to.”

31

“Would you teach me?”

32

“Sure.” Tara sounded a little surprised. Kate could imagine why: 33

in all the years they’d known each other, she’d never shown the 34 sh

slightest interest in handicrafts. Except as a consumer, that is. Kate 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

thought back to when she and Tara were roommates at Barnard.

2

They’d been so close then. They used to wear each other’s clothes, 3

finish each other’s sentences. But after college, they’d grown apart.

4

Perhaps it was only natural. Instead of living together in a two-5

room apartment, they’d been several hundred miles apart, Kate up 6

at Harvard in law school, Tara still here in New York. Kate had as-7

sumed they’d grow closer again once she moved back to the city.

8

But it hadn’t worked out that way. If anything, their new proxim-9

ity only underscored the ways that each had changed.

10

Suddenly, Kate was determined to bridge the gap. Whatever had 11

happened between them, Tara was still her best friend.

12

“If I tell you about last night, will you swear not to tell anyone?”

13

“Of course.” Tara looked up from her knitting. She seemed a lit-14

tle confused. After all, she thought she knew what had happened.

15

Just another little murder at Samson & Mills.

16

“Carter wasn’t murdered. He killed himself.” There, she’d spoken 17

the words. Kate’s heart seemed to contract, as if someone had 18

squeezed it tight. She waited for Tara to respond.

19

“So say something,” Kate said. “What are you thinking?”

20

Tara put down her knitting. “Just that . . . don’t you think there 21

must be some connection? With that woman partner who was 22

killed, I mean.”

23

Kate stared at her hands. Leave it to Tara to ask the hard ques-24

tion, to put everything on the table. Tara was right, of course. It 25

was absurd to think that Carter Mills’s death was simply a coinci-26

dence. But if not a coincidence, then what? What linked the two 27

deaths together? Facts swirled in her head; she didn’t know what 28

to say.

29

Finally, she looked back at Tara. “What sort of connection, ex-30

actly?”

31

“I don’t know, Kate. I don’t know anything about these people.

32

It just seems like there must be something. I mean, when was the 33

last time a partner at Samson & Mills died of unnatural causes?

ort 34

What are the odds of two unrelated violent deaths?”

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 5 7

back a curl. She’d always loved Tara’s unruly hair, so different from 1

her own straight tresses. Though she fit right in at Samson & Mills, 2

where all the women had straight hair. Or most of them anyway.

3

Madeleine had once had short, sleek hair, back when she was 4

much younger.

5

Haven’t you ever realized how much you look like Madeleine? The 6

question flickered through her mind. She’d managed to push aside 7

Howell’s words; his suspicions had seemed so far-fetched. But what 8

Tara was saying made sense. A suicide and a murder in one law firm 9

where the victims were former lovers. What were the chances of 10

that? Howell claimed that Madeleine had been afraid of Mills. It 11

had seemed a preposterous notion. Still, there must be some reason 12

Mills had killed himself, and she didn’t have any other theories.

13

Could Howell possibly be right? Had Mills caused Madeleine’s 14

death?

15

The questions seemed to press in on her, pounding at her brain.

16

Then, with a sudden assertion of will, Kate pushed them away 17

again. This wasn’t just any murder, but a brutal and violent slaying.

18

The vicious multiple stab wounds. The candle jammed in Mad-19

eleine’s vagina. Besides, she’d seen Mills right after Madeleine’s 20

death. She’d watched his reactions up close. There’d been nothing 21

manufactured in his response. If there had been, she would have 22

noticed. No, whatever Mills’s feelings for Madeleine, she couldn’t 23

believe that he’d killed her.

24

Still, that hardly ended the matter. If not that connection, then 25

what? Madeleine and Carter had once been lovers. The affair hadn’t 26

ended well. They’d recently started to work together after a hiatus 27

of many years. It was Mills who’d pushed Madeleine to work for 28

Thorpe. At least that’s what Carmen had said. Kate searched for 29

some meaning in these facts, some clue to what might have gone 30

on. Slowly an idea took shape. What if Mills had also suspected 31

Thorpe? Could Mills have blamed himself for Madeleine’s death?

32

“I guess Carter could have felt guilty about what happened to 33

Madeleine.” Kate was thinking out loud. “But I still can’t see him 34 sh

committing suicide because of it. He just isn’t that sort of person.”

35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

Tara gave an impatient shrug. “It happens all the time, Kate.

2

The least likely people are the ones to crack.”

3

“Yeah, I guess.” Kate hugged her flannel-clad knees.

4

“You really didn’t know this man.” Tara’s voice was gentle but 5

firm. “You only saw him at work, wearing his public face. You have 6

no idea what went on in his private life. You idealized him. Just 7

like you idealize everyone at that firm. They’re just people, Kate.

8

Everyone has demons. Everyone makes mistakes.”

9

Kate felt a tightness in her chest. She had the usual impulse to 10

check Tara’s words, but this time she let them pass. It was hard to 11

argue with the facts.

12

The phone rang.

13

Kate jumped to her feet. “I’ll get it,” she said, picking up the re-14

ceiver as she spoke.

15

Justin didn’t bother to say hello. “Have you heard about Carter?”

16

he asked.

17

“Yes, I . . . know.” Kate nudged her desk chair closer to the 18

phone and lowered herself to the seat.

19

“What the hell is going on?” Justin demanded. “It’s like that 20

Agatha Christie book And Then There Were None. One by one 21

everyone gets knocked off. I mean, when is it going to end? I can’t 22

believe they haven’t found this psycho yet.”

23

It took Kate a few seconds to figure out where Justin was coming 24

from, to realize he still believed that Mills had been murdered. She 25

was about to correct him, when she remembered the instructions 26

she’d been given last night. Say nothing until further notice. She was 27

tempted to tell Justin anyway — like Tara, she knew he could be 28

trusted — but something made her hesitate.

29

“How did you hear?” Kate said.

30

“They called me.”

31

“Who?”

32

“Dave Bosch. I guess the partners are calling everyone, trying to 33

prepare for tomorrow. Why? Isn’t that how you heard?”

ort 34

“No.” Kate took a deep breath. “Actually, I’m the one who reg 35

found him last night.”

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 5 9

A sharp intake of breath from Justin’s end of the line. “You 1

found the body? ”

2

“It was during the cocktail party. I went up to his office. I needed 3

to talk to him about something. And . . . there he was.” The tight-4

ness in Kate’s chest grew sharper.

5

“Christ. Are you okay?”

6

Kate gave a short dry laugh. “Well, I’ve been better. So what did 7

Bosch tell you?”

8

“Just that Mills was found shot to death in his office last night.

9

And they reminded us not to talk to the press.” Kate could tell that 10

Justin’s shock over Mills’s death was fast giving way to concern 11

about her own condition. “You shouldn’t be alone now, Kate. I’m 12

coming over.”

13

“No, really, I’m all right,” Kate said. “Tara slept over last night.

14

She’s still here.” It was bad enough deceiving Justin over the phone.

15

It would be worse to do it in person. Maybe by tomorrow morning 16

the news would be public, and she’d be free to drop the subterfuge.

17

“So what did the cops say?” Justin said. “They must at least have 18

a suspect.”

19

“I don’t know,” Kate said. “They didn’t say much, and I didn’t 20

ask. I was pretty out of it, I guess. Basically, they just asked me what 21

I’d seen, and I told them what I remembered. It wasn’t much. As 22

soon as I realized what I was looking at, I started to scream. I got 23

out of there and called Security.”

24

“It must be someone with a vendetta against the firm. And it’s 25

obviously someone with access. Jesus, the killer must have been in 26

the building last night at the same time we were all there.”

27

Kate was almost swept into Justin’s fervor. Until she reminded 28

herself.

29

Suicide.

30

Not murder, suicide.

31

“Justin, you know I’m feeling a little tired. I’m still sort of in 32

shock, I think. Can we talk in the morning?”

33

Justin was immediately contrite. “Sure. Sorry. This is the last 34 sh

thing you need right now. Are you sure I can’t bring you anything?”

35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

“Thanks, but I’m just going to lie low today. I’ll call you when I 2

get in tomorrow.”

3

When Kate hung up the phone, she saw that Tara was giving her 4

a dangerous look.

5

“What?” Kate asked. But she already knew.

6

“Please don’t tell me that you’re going to work tomorrow.”

7

“Why not?” As if she didn’t know.

8

“Why not? ” Tara leaned forward, as if she wanted to take hold of 9

Kate’s shoulders and shake her. “Because the partner you worked 10

for just killed himself. Because you found the body. Because this is 11

the second person you work with who’s been killed this month.

12

How many more reasons do you need?”

13

“I’m okay,” Kate said. “I’ll feel better in the morning.”

14

And the strange thing was, she already did. Even as she spoke, 15

Kate felt herself growing lighter. Tomorrow morning, she’d get on 16

the subway and go to work, just like she always did. She pictured 17

her office at Samson & Mills: the neatly ordered books, the stacks 18

of documents, the Statue of Liberty rising from the Hudson River.

19

With everything that had happened, it was still where she wanted 20

to be. Her work was there. Her life was there. And there were 21

things that she needed to do.

22

Kate turned to Tara on the couch. “I have to go in tomorrow,”

23

she said. “I know you can’t understand. But it’s where I belong 24

right now.”

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

reg 35

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Monday, January 18

1

2

If the press had been slow on the uptake, they were now making 3

up for lost time. The tabloids carried screaming headlines: SAM-4

SON SLAUGHTERHOUSE. MIDTOWN MAYHEM. Violent 5

death at Samson & Mills was becoming a full-time beat.

6

Emerging from the subway, Kate saw that crowds had gathered 7

around the Samson building. A security checkpoint had been es-8

tablished at the entrance. Kate took her place in line, scanning the 9

sea of faces, searching for people she knew.

10

“Name?” The square-jawed guard didn’t look at her as he spoke.

11

“Kate Paine. I’m a lawyer here.”

12

Briefly, the guard’s eyes dropped to a list in his hand.

13

“Picture ID?”

14

Kate reached into her purse for her billfold. Pulling out her dri-15

ver’s license, she caught sight of her photograph. She was struck by 16

how young she looked. The picture was just a few years old, but she 17 sh

looked like a different person.

18 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

It was still early, before nine, and Kate was alone in the elevator.

2

But when she reached her office, Justin was already there. Seated 3

at Jennifer’s secretarial station, he was poring over a newspaper.

4

Catching sight of Kate, he began to talk.

5

“It doesn’t sound like they have any idea.”

6

Kate unlocked her office door. Justin followed her inside. Kate 7

went behind her desk to pull up the shades. Justin slid into a chair.

8

“You look tired,” he said, as Kate settled into her chair.

9

“I didn’t sleep too well.”

10

Justin looked back at the paper, now resting on his lap. “I can’t 11

believe they don’t have any suspects. I mean, it happened right 12

here. Don’t they know who was in the building?”

13

Kate shrugged. If she didn’t actually say anything, it didn’t feel 14

as much like lying. She glanced down at a firm memo that had 15

been slipped under her door.

16

17

The partners of Samson & Mills regret to inform you that J. Carter 18

Mills, the firm’s managing partner, was found dead in his office Satur-19

day night. The cause of death was a gunshot wound.

20

All firm personnel are reminded that contacts with the media on this 21

and all other subjects related to Samson & Mills are strictly prohibited.

22

All media inquiries should be referred to Martin Drescher, who will 23

serve as the firm’s interim managing partner.

24

25

The memo continued for several more paragraphs, a brief dis-26

course on Carter Mills’s professional achievements, but Kate was 27

too stunned to read on.

28

“Martin Drescher? They’re handing over Carter’s job to his 29

archrival?”

30

“I know,” Justin said. “It’s crazy. Alice in Wonderland.”

31

Kate didn’t say anything. She was thinking about what must 32

have happened. Suicide, whatever the provocation, was not the 33

act of a team player. A postmortem punishment was being im-ort 34

posed.

reg 35

“Kate? Are you okay?”

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 6 3

“Yeah, just a little preoccupied. Listen, would you mind if I 1

catch up with you later? I have to make a phone call now.”

2

Justin jumped to his feet. “Sure. Call me when you’re done.”

3

Kate waited until Justin had closed the door. Then, picking up 4

the telephone receiver, she dialed Martin Drescher’s extension.

5

w

6

Sam Howell poured another cup of coffee and headed back to the 7

living room. He sank into a chair and retrieved the newspaper he’d 8

left folded open on its arm. Once more, he read the report, promi-9

nently featured on the front page of the Metro section. LEGAL

10

STAR SHOT DEAD IN OFFICE. He must have read the article 11

half a dozen times. Now he began again. Nothing could bring 12

Madeleine back to life. But at least Mills had paid for her death.

13

w

14

“And you’re sure that it was Chuck Thorpe speaking?”

15

“Absolutely,” Kate said.

16

“And the woman?” Drescher persisted. “What makes you think 17

it was the plaintiff?”

18

“Some of the details were the same. I don’t remember exactly.

19

But they were talking about Ron Fogarty. The complaint alleges 20

that Thorpe forced Steph — the plaintiff — to have sex with Fog-21

arty. When I listened to the tape, the pieces seemed to fit to-22

gether.”

23

Kate eyed Drescher from across his desk. He wasn’t looking good 24

this morning. His face was a shiny, mottled red, and he seemed to 25

be short of breath. But at least he was paying attention. He’d lis-26

tened without interruption as Kate described Thorpe’s attack 27

along with her subsequent discovery that the cassette tape was 28

missing from her drawer. With a grunt, Drescher raised a mug to 29

his lips — a little hair of the dog? — and then leaned back in his 30

chair.

31

“So, Ms. Paine, you’re suggesting that Chuck Thorpe took this 32

cassette from your desk? Is that what you’re telling me?”

33

Kate looked at him, surprised. She’d hardly expected to be chal-34 sh

lenged on this point. If there was one thing she thought she knew, 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

it was that Drescher loathed Thorpe and already considered him a 2

suspect in Madeleine’s death. He’d said as much to Carter Mills the 3

night she’d overheard them argue. The night she’d been trapped 4

beneath the very desk at which Martin Drescher now sat.

5

“It’s the only explanation I can think of,” she said.

6

“And how do you think Thorpe knew where to find the tape?”

7

Because Carter must have told him. Though I’m not sure why. “I 8

have no idea,” she said. “But the fact is that he did.”

9

“I see.” Drescher continued to study her. His eyes, slightly 10

bloodshot, moved from her face down her body. Kate flushed. Her 11

black knit skirt wasn’t short by office standards. But when she sat 12

down, it edged up over her knees. As she tugged at the hem, Martin 13

Drescher smiled.

14

“Ms. Paine, I’m sure you know these are very serious allega-15

tions.”

16

“Yes. I realize that.”

17

“And there aren’t any witnesses?”

18

“No actual witnesses. But Maintenance can confirm that some-19

thing was wrong with my lights. Maybe even that they’d been tam-20

pered with.”

21

“But no witnesses.” This time, it was not a question.

22

“I . . . that’s right.” Kate was about to say that it had been late, 23

that everyone else had gone home. But that would have been a 24

mistake. Never try to explain. It was a cardinal rule for Samson as-25

sociates, part of the firm’s quasi-military ethic. Just answer the 26

question.

27

“And have you spoken to anyone else about this?”

28

“No. No one.”

29

Drescher loosened his tie. “Ms. Paine, I’m sure you know that 30

Samson & Mills is at a crisis point. I’m going to be frank. Our re-31

sources are stretched to the limit. I can’t promise that we’ll address 32

this right away. But you have my word that, at the first opportunity, 33

we’ll fully investigate your claims. Can you live with that?”

ort 34

Did she have any choice? “I . . . yes, I guess so.”

reg 35

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“In the meantime, I’d suggest that you take some time off. At 1

least a week or two. With full pay, of course.”

2

“Thank you. I . . . I’ll think about it.”

3

“If you need any professional assistance, I’m sure we can arrange 4

for that.”

5

Professional assistance. It took Kate a moment to realize that he 6

meant psychiatric help. Again, she flushed. “I don’t think so,” she 7

said.

8

“Now, can I count on you to keep this matter to yourself for the 9

time being, until we’ve had a chance to address it?” Drescher’s 10

voice had turned gentle, almost cajoling.

11

“Yes, of course.” The response was automatic. Kate had mentally 12

moved on to the next item on her agenda. Taking a deep breath, 13

she began. “There is one other thing I wanted to mention. It’s 14

about Madeleine Waters.”

15

Drescher’s head inclined to one side. He was still leaning back 16

in his chair. But Kate sensed a subtle tensing of his muscles. Like a 17

tomcat waiting to spring.

18

“In light of what happened to me, I think that Chuck Thorpe 19

should be considered a suspect in Madeleine’s death. If he isn’t al-20

ready, I mean.”

21

Drescher raised his eyebrows. “Ms. Paine, groping a female law-22

yer, however inappropriate, is hardly comparable to murder.”

23

Kate felt her skin glow hot. She’d played by the rules. She’d kept 24

their secrets, gone through the proper channels. And where had it 25

gotten her? Never try to explain. Well, fuck that. Right now, she was 26

going to explain. And Martin Drescher was going to listen.

27

“Perhaps I wasn’t clear,” Kate said. Her heart beat hard in her 28

chest, a caged animal trying to get out. “Chuck Thorpe didn’t just 29

grope me, as you put it. He staged an attack. He ambushed me.

30

When I walked into my office Monday night, I was grabbed by a 31

stranger, forced up against the wall, and sexually assaulted. I —”

32

Kate broke off, overwhelmed by a flood of feeling. For a terrible 33

moment, she thought she was going to cry. She sat silently for a 34 sh

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moment, her hands curled around the edge of her chair. She wasn’t 2

going to break down. Not here. Not in front of Martin Drescher.

3

Drescher shifted in his seat, a smile playing on his lips. He 4

seemed to be enjoying himself. Kate felt a futile surge of rage.

5

“Ms. Paine, I might as well relieve you of your concerns about 6

Chuck Thorpe. The things that you allege are, of course, repre-7

hensible and will be investigated. But Chuck Thorpe did not kill 8

Madeleine Waters. What I’m about to tell you will soon be public 9

knowledge. But I’d appreciate it if you’d keep it confidential until 10

then.”

11

Almost imperceptibly, Kate nodded. Something in Drescher’s 12

expression told her that she didn’t want to hear what he was going 13

to say. She had an irrational desire to stop him. To walk out of the 14

room. To put her fingers in her ears and talk loudly to herself as she 15

had as a very small child, trying to shut out the frightening sounds 16

of her parents arguing. Instead, she sat unmoving in her chair, a 17

prisoner waiting to be sentenced.

18

“Carter Mills, as you know, killed himself,” Drescher said.

19

“What you don’t know, what we only just learned this morning, is 20

that the gun he used was the same gun used to kill Madeleine Wa-21

ters.”

22

Drescher gave Kate a meaningful look. Feeling his eyes on her, 23

she willed herself to stay calm. Her face felt frozen solid, her fea-24

tures carved in ice. But behind the veneer, her brain was scream-25

ing. It can’t be true. It can’t be. At the same time, she knew that it 26

was. If Carter’s suicide weapon was the gun used to kill Madeleine, 27

then he must have killed Madeleine, too. A Latin phrase leapt into 28

her mind, a rule of evidence she’d learned in school. Res ipsa 29

loquitur. The thing speaks for itself. No wonder Drescher seemed 30

so smug.

31

Unless . . .

32

A saving question flashed through Kate’s mind: Why should she 33

believe Martin Drescher? He could be making this up. Or at least ex-ort 34

aggerating. Perhaps it was just the same type of gun, and Drescher reg 35

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subtle easing of tension. The fact was she didn’t know anything for 1

sure. Except that she’d heard enough.

2

“Well, I guess that’s everything.” Standing up from her chair, 3

Kate carefully smoothed down her skirt. Now that she was on her 4

feet, it came almost to her knees. Then, without saying good-bye, 5

she turned and walked from the room.

6

7

8

Back in her office, Kate still felt rattled, disturbed by her talk with 9

Drescher. Her brief bout of hopefulness had faded, and she could 10

feel depression setting in. While she didn’t know that Drescher 11

was telling the truth, she couldn’t prove that he wasn’t. The mere 12

possibility that what he’d said was true was too upsetting to con-13

sider. She felt angry at Drescher, angry at herself, angry at the situ-14

ation. She decided to do some filing. Maybe the process of ordering 15

her office would help bring order to her mind.

16

For some time, Kate worked steadily on autopilot. She could feel 17

herself calming down. Then she found herself gazing at a thin stack 18

of papers held together with a binder clip. A set of WideWorld Me-19

dia’s legal bills. What was it doing here? With a start, she realized 20

what she was looking at. The bills from Madeleine’s file. These 21

were the photocopies she’d made the night she was trapped under 22

Drescher’s desk. She’d meant to tell Carter Mills that Drescher had 23

taken the file. But with everything that had happened, the whole 24

thing had slipped her mind.

25

Unsure of what to do next, she glanced over the top sheet in the 26

stack. A bill for June 1996. And at the bottom of the page, a sig-27

nature. J. Carter Mills. She stared at the sheet a minute then 28

flipped to the next page. Another bill. Kate was about to put the 29

stack aside, when she noticed that the page bore the same date as 30

the previous bill. But the amount at the bottom was different. Kate 31

flipped back to the first page, checking to be sure she’d read it right.

32

June 1996. A bill for $87,000. Then back to the next page. June 33

1996, definitely the same date. But this time the bill was much 34 sh

higher, totaling $108,750.

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Strange. She placed the first two sheets side by side. Then she 2

turned to the next page. July 1996. A bill for $94,000. And after 3

that, another bill for the same month. But here the billed amount 4

had jumped to $117,500. Quickly, Kate paged forward, examining 5

the bills one by one. There was a full year’s worth of bills in the 6

stack, each one in duplicate. And in each case, the second bill was 7

larger than the first.

8

Much larger, in fact.

9

Like an animal sensing a distant storm, Kate felt herself growing 10

uneasy. Again, she looked at the two June bills lying side by side on 11

her desk. Line by line, she compared them. For the most part, the 12

two bills matched. Legal services. Travel. Research. The dollar 13

amounts were the same.

14

Then she came to a single entry. Special Services. $21,750.

15

Glancing back to the first bill, Kate saw no sign of this category.

16

She moved ahead to the two July bills. Again, the charges tal-17

lied perfectly. Except for a single entry.

18

Special Services. $23,500.

19

Kate didn’t want to think what she was thinking. But she 20

couldn’t help herself. She reached for a calculator and punched in 21

a couple of numbers. Then, flipping to the next set of bills, she re-22

peated the calculation. Over and over, until she’d been through 23

the entire stack. In each case, the result was the same. The amount 24

charged to Special Services was twenty-five percent of the base 25

amount.

26

When the phone rang, Kate picked it up without thinking, still 27

staring at the papers on her desk.

28

“Hello. Kate?” The male voice was hesitant.

29

“Speaking.” Kate glanced at caller ID, but the number was unfa-30

miliar.

31

“It’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

32

“Oh. Hi.” It seemed like a lifetime since she’d seen him.

33

Vaguely, Kate remembered that she’d promised to call. But the ort 34

thought barely registered now.

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you must be going through. I know you probably don’t want to 1

talk. But if you need anything, please let me know.”

2

“Actually, I’m okay.”

3

A long silence from the other end.

4

“Look,” Douglas finally said. “This may not be the best time, but 5

I was hoping we could have dinner this weekend. It might be good 6

for you to get away.”

7

“Sorry, I really can’t.” She stared at the bills spread out on her 8

desk. Numbers danced in her head.

9

“Maybe another night?”

10

Why? Why had he done it? Why would a man with every advan-11

tage — wealth, brilliance, professional regard — risk it all for some 12

two-bit financial scam?

13

“Yeah. Okay. I’m just really tied up right now.”

14

“Well, what about coffee? We could meet near your office. I 15

could —”

16

“Listen, I’ve got another call I need to take. I’ll be in touch, 17

okay?”

18

Before he could answer, she’d hung up.

19

Special Services. A twenty-five percent add-on. She was surprised 20

at how clear-headed she felt. Almost matter-of-fact. Carter Mills 21

had been a crook. And Madeleine Waters had known. I think she 22

knew something about him, something that would hurt his career.

23

That’s what Sam Howell had said. And now it was clear what that 24

was. At the time, she’d thought Howell was crazy. But she’d been 25

the one with delusions.

26

A knock on the door. As Kate shoved the photocopies into a 27

drawer, Dave Bosch entered the room. Kate stared at the young 28

partner dizzily, still reeling from what she’d uncovered. Was Bosch 29

here to give her an assignment? That would be just like Samson & 30

Mills. Feel free to take some time off, but hey, as long as you’re sticking 31

around, might as well bill some hours.

32

But that wasn’t it after all. “I just spoke with Martin Drescher.

33

He thinks you should take some time off. I agree. We have enough 34 sh

other bodies on the team for now.”

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Enough other bodies. An unfortunate choice of words. But Bosch 2

didn’t seem to notice. He was looking at her expectantly, waiting 3

for a response. Why was he so eager to get rid of her? Was it some-4

thing Drescher had said? Or something that she had done? Perhaps 5

her impolitic response to the Danbury case. Or was it just the gen-6

eral tendency to confuse proximity with cause, as if her discovery 7

of Mills’s body made Kate somehow responsible for his death.

8

Whatever the reason, Bosch clearly wanted her gone.

9

Kate stood up from her desk. “Actually,” she said, “I was just go-10

ing home.”

11

Bosch seemed relieved. “If there’s anything we can do . . .” The 12

words trailed off. “Take as much time as you need. Within reason, 13

of course.”

14

Of course.

15

After Bosch left the room, Kate quickly collected her coat. On 16

her way out the door, she stopped to check her office mailbox.

17

There was one piece of paper inside, a memorandum from the part-18

ners of Samson & Mills.

19

A private service for J. Carter Mills was scheduled for tomorrow 20

at 10 a.m.

21

All firm employees were invited.

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Tuesday, January 19

1

2

The alarm went off at eight. Kate swung her feet out of bed and 3

went to the door for the Times. Quickly, she flipped through the 4

pages. LEADING LAWYER’S DEATH CALLED SUICIDE. Bit-5

ing her lip, she read the short piece straight through. Martin 6

Drescher was quoted, along with Detective Mike Glaser. Accord-7

ing to both, Mills had ended his life with a .38-caliber revolver.

8

There had been a note with the body, but its contents were not dis-9

closed. Drescher’s only comment was a vehement assertion that 10

Mills’s suicide had nothing to do with Samson & Mills. “The note 11

made clear that Mr. Mills’s regrettable decision to end his life was 12

due to personal concerns. All of us at Samson & Mills are devas-13

tated by this tragic event.”

14

w

15

Sun glinted through the windows of the Upper East Side church.

16

The altar was laden with flowers. But the propriety of the setting 17 sh

only underscored the strangeness of the scene. Eulogists rushed 18 re

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through their speeches. Mills’s family was conspicuously absent. A 2

weird giddiness infused the proceedings, a certain sense of collu-3

sion. People knew what their neighbors were thinking, but they 4

weren’t discussing it. Yet.

5

Kate was sitting toward the middle of the church, to the left of 6

the center aisle. She was flanked by Justin on one side, Peyton on 7

the other. Without thinking, she’d taken a seat in approximately 8

the same location she’d selected for Madeleine’s service. There was 9

a difference, though. At Madeleine’s memorial she’d been with 10

Andrea. Today, Andrea was nowhere in sight. Scanning the room 11

again, Kate could feel her uneasiness building. This was Andrea’s 12

second unexplained absence in just a few days. First the firm cock-13

tail party. Now, Mills’s memorial service. This wasn’t like Andrea 14

at all. Was it possible something was wrong? The thought fluttered 15

briefly in her mind before reason again took hold. After all, An-16

drea was married. Even when Brent was away on business, he and 17

Andrea talked each night.

18

A new speaker was taking the pulpit. Kate returned her focus to 19

the front of the church. Charles Harrison was Mills’s prep school 20

and college roommate. With his narrow shoulders and spidery 21

form, Harrison looked nothing like his late friend. But Kate could 22

imagine how he must have admired Mills back when they were in 23

school. In the days when beauty and form were the things that 24

mattered most. Of course, the playing field had leveled out since 25

then. Now retired, Harrison had been a partner at Ironson, Baggs, 26

one of the world’s premier investment banks. He must have been 27

taking home at least several times what Mills did.

28

Even taking into account Mills’s sideline income . . .

29

For the first time, it occurred to Kate that the WideWorld bills 30

could be just the tip of the iceberg. What if Mills had been han-31

dling every bill this way, and had been doing it for decades? Over 32

time, he could have raked in millions of dollars. Kate thought 33

about the time Martin Drescher had interrupted a meeting to take ort 34

a broker’s cold call. He’d kept several lawyers waiting for close to reg 35

forty minutes, barking questions into the phone. “So what’s the re-9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 273

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turn? What’s the return? ” Kate still recalled Andrea’s incredulous 1

face. “These guys, ” she’d said later, as they’d headed downstairs.

2

“Their avarice is unbounded. ” Could that be the explanation here as 3

well? Could Carter Mills’s downfall have stemmed from common 4

greed?

5

Harrison was talking about Mills’s college years. His career as a 6

champion rower. His academic success. “But it wasn’t just these ac-7

complishments that marked Carter Mills for greatness. What 8

really distinguished him was force of character. He had a remark-9

able ability to draw out the best in all of us privileged to know 10

him. His own high standards raised the bar for what we expected of 11

ourselves.”

12

Which is just how it was with me, Kate thought. But had everyone 13

felt that way? Was it simply a matter of technique? Even now, she 14

didn’t want to believe that.

15

Soon the service was over. After quick good-byes, Peyton 16

disappeared into the crowd. Another mega–networking opportu-17

nity.

18

“Are you going back to work?” Justin asked, as Kate gathered up 19

her wrap and purse. She was wearing a black coat purchased sev-20

eral years back. Her red cape was hanging at home.

21

“I don’t know,” Kate said. “I hadn’t really decided.”

22

“I could drop you off by your apartment, if you want,” Justin 23

said. He’d given her a lift that morning in the aging junker he kept 24

in a lot off Ninth Avenue. It had been a disconcerting trip, Justin 25

still stunned by news of Mills’s suicide, Kate pretending she’d had 26

no idea.

27

“Yeah, okay,” Kate said.

28

Heading toward the door with Justin, Kate caught sight of 29

Charles Harrison, deep in conversation with Clara Hurley. Kate 30

had almost forgotten about Clara. After twenty years as Mills’s sec-31

retary, what must she be feeling now? Harrison had his arm around 32

her shoulder. Kate could read the raw pain in Clara’s face. She’d 33

been in love with Carter, of course. Kate could see how it must 34 sh

have happened. The handsome, brilliant young lawyer. The uned-35 re

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ucated but determined young woman, just starting work in the city.

2

She must have been dazzled, Kate thought.

3

Her eyes still resting on the pair, Kate had a sudden thought.

4

She turned to Justin. “Listen, why don’t you go on ahead. I want to 5

talk to a few people.”

6

“Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting.”

7

“No, really. It’s okay. I know you have a lot to do.”

8

Justin watched her for another moment. Kate could tell he was 9

reluctant to leave her. At the same time, he did have work to do.

10

Especially since he was taking time off next week. A long weekend 11

with Laura Lacy. He’d mentioned it this morning. Kate had felt a 12

twist in her heart. She wasn’t jealous, at least not exactly. She just 13

didn’t want to think about it now.

14

“You’re sure you can get a ride back?”

15

“Justin, there are hundreds of people here. I’m pretty sure I can 16

manage.”

17

A quick hug and Justin was gone. Kate moved closer to Harri-18

son, waiting for a chance to approach. When Clara turned to walk 19

away, Kate quickly stepped into her place.

20

“Mr. Harrison, I’m Kate Paine. I was one of Carter’s associates.”

21

Harrison clasped her extended hand. “I’m very pleased to meet 22

you. Though I certainly regret the circumstances.” His grip was 23

stronger than Kate had expected.

24

“I was so moved by what you said,” Kate said. “All of this has 25

been such a shock. I admired Carter so much. He hired me right 26

out of Harvard Law. I was thinking, well, wondering, if you’d be 27

willing to talk with me sometime. He was such a wonderful man.

28

A legend, really. I’d like to know more about him. From someone 29

who knew him well.”

30

She could see that she’d hit her target. “Yes, it’s a tragedy,” Har-31

rison said. “All these ridiculous rumors. It’s insane. Worse than in-32

sane, it’s evil. Carter never would have done . . . what they’re 33

saying. It’s impossible. It just wasn’t in him. I’d be happy to talk ort 34

with you, dear.”

reg 35

Dear. Kate gritted her teeth and smiled.

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“Perhaps you could come by the house.” Harrison said. “Say, 1

around ten tomorrow morning? Or is that a problem, what with 2

work and all? I’ve been retired now for so many years, I sometimes 3

forget what it was like.”

4

The early early retirement. Another difference between law and 5

investment banking.

6

“No, no,” Kate said hurriedly. “I’ll find the time. Tomorrow 7

morning would be fine.”

8

Harrison reached into a pocket for his card and held it out to 9

Kate. “Here’s my address. So I’ll see you tomorrow, dear.”

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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Wednesday, January 20

2

3

Kate took the Seventy-ninth Street bus across Central Park and 4

reached the East Side around nine. After locating Harrison’s Fifth 5

Avenue co-op, an impressive Beaux Arts structure near the Met, 6

she cut over to Madison Avenue in search of coffee and a place to 7

think.

8

Soon she was seated at Eli Zabar’s E.A.T, a sort of wildly upscale 9

diner. The coats slung over the backs of chairs were Burberry plaid 10

and fur. The diamonds on female patrons’ hands made Angela Tay-11

lor’s look minuscule. Surveying the menu, Kate could almost think 12

that prices were listed in some foreign currency. Coffee for five dol-13

lars. Bread and jam for six.

14

Welcome to the Upper East Side.

15

After ordering cappuccino and a sticky bun, Kate pulled out a 16

notepad and pen. She still hadn’t decided what to say. What she ort 17

wanted was to understand. But did Harrison really hold the an-reg 18

swers? Could he really explain Carter Mills? Yesterday, she’d felt 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 277

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sure she was on to something, but today she was having doubts.

1

The fact that Harrison had known Mills for decades didn’t mean 2

that he understood him. Years of friendship might confer great in-3

sight. Or they could simply feed denial. That’s what appeared to be 4

happening here. Knowing Mills for as long as he had, Harrison 5

couldn’t accept the truth.

6

Kate took a sip of cappuccino. Should she just forget the whole 7

thing? Tara hadn’t minced words when they talked on the phone 8

last night. “I don’t know what you expect to get out of this. You’re 9

fixated on Samson & Mills.” Kate had taken the words with a grain 10

of salt. She’d attributed them to Tara’s annoyance that she’d 11

dropped the ball with Douglas. “But you liked him,” Tara had said, 12

frustration evident in her voice. “I don’t know what you’re think-13

ing. Guys like Douglas don’t come along every day.”

14

Guys like Douglas don’t come along every day. The words had a fa-15

miliar ring. Now, Kate remembered where she’d heard them be-16

fore. Andrea had made the same point recently, only she’d been 17

talking about Justin.

18

Andrea. Now there was another painful subject. Kate had called 19

Andrea’s office yesterday afternoon, only to find that she’d left on 20

vacation. Left without a single word. It made no sense, no sense at 21

all. Andrea had been saving up her vacation time for that February 22

rafting trip in Chile. And now, inexplicably, she was gone. Kate 23

couldn’t make sense of it. She must have done something to upset 24

Andrea, though she couldn’t imagine what it was. But couldn’t 25

Andrea have raised the subject, given her a chance to explain?

26

Kate could feel depression setting in, a slow-moving fog across her 27

brain. But this wasn’t the time or place. She glanced at her watch, 28

raised her hand for the check.

29

Right now it was time to get going.

30

w

31

Across a vast expanse of Oriental carpet, Charles Harrison had 32

been holding forth for the past half hour, almost as if he were talk-33

ing to himself. Kate balanced a cup and saucer on her knee and 34 sh

tried to look attentive. It occurred to her that this single room was 35 re

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1

bigger than her whole apartment. Finally, there was a break in the 2

flow of words. Harrison gave Kate a quick glance, as if just remem-3

bering her presence.

4

“More coffee?”

5

“No thanks, I’m fine.” Kate was eager to push ahead, to move 6

beyond the meaningless generalities that were Harrison’s preferred 7

mode of discourse.

8

“It’s so hard to picture Carter anywhere other than at Samson & 9

Mills. What was he like in college?” It wasn’t much of a question.

10

But she had to move carefully here.

11

“He was the same,” Harrison said. “He was always the same.

12

And that’s why I’m quite sure that this whole thing is a terrible 13

mistake. Carter always rejected extremes. He was the essence of 14

stability. The essence of moderation. If he had a passion, that was 15

it. I’ll never forget our sophomore year of college. That was 1966, 16

during the Vietnam War.”

17

The word sounded strange to Kate’s ears. Vi- et- nam, the accent 18

on the second syllable. She’d never thought of Mills as a product of 19

the sixties. Now, counting back in time, she saw that the dates 20

matched up. There was something obscurely upsetting in this, as if 21

it showed yet another failure on her part. A failure to make use of 22

what facts she’d had.

23

“It was quite a tumultuous time. Protests, that sort of thing. In 24

the middle of it all, the secretary of defense came to speak on cam-25

pus. Robert McNamara. The SDS crowd was out in full force. I 26

think we all pretty much expected that. But not what came after-27

ward. When the radicals didn’t get what they wanted, they 28

stormed McNamara’s car. Actually pulled him out of the vehicle, 29

demanding that he answer their questions. It was horrifying. Truly.

30

I’d never seen Carter so angry. Not that he was a strong supporter 31

of the war. Like most of us, he was on the fence. But the idea that 32

students would resort to violence, to personal attacks . . . well, he 33

found that unacceptable.”

ort 34

Kate saw that Harrison was watching her, waiting for a response.

reg 35

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“That must have been very upsetting,” she said, trying to match his 1

expression.

2

“Very upsetting,” Harrison said. “Very upsetting indeed. You 3

young people don’t know what it’s like to live through a time like 4

that.”

5

“No,” Kate said. “I guess you’re right. And Carter, I mean, was 6

he generally active in campus politics?” Clumsy, but at least she’d 7

pushed the conversation back on track. Back to the subject of 8

Mills.

9

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Harrison gave a short laugh. “Despite 10

what you read in history books, a lot more was going on during the 11

sixties than student rebellion. Basically, we just went ahead with 12

our lives. On a day-to-day basis, we were a lot more concerned 13

about other things. Such as whether the Cliffies were going to use 14

our library.”

15

Kate could feel her eyes narrow.

16

“It didn’t bother me so much once it happened,” Harrison said 17

quickly. “It was just the change, you know. No one likes change.”

18

Yeah, right. Except those pushy Radcliffe bitches.

19

Kate smiled sweetly. “I know what you mean.”

20

Harrison looked at her another few moments, as if trying to de-21

cide whether he’d misjudged her. Gradually his gaze seemed to 22

soften. “I know how distressing this must be for you, dear. But you 23

have to believe me when I say that James would never do what 24

they’re saying he did. Never. He had nothing but contempt for 25

people who took the easy way out.”

26

Kate looked at him, confused. “James?” she said. “You mean 27

Carter? ”

28

Harrison tapped his forehead with a long, thin finger. “Yes, yes, 29

of course. Carter. That’s what I meant. Anyway, as I was saying. . . .”

30

w

31

Kate had just gotten out of the bathtub when she realized that she 32

had yet to check tomorrow’s schedule. Wrapped in a terry robe, she 33

sat down at her desk and logged on to Samson’s network. A few 34 sh

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clicks of the mouse and then her calendar popped up. Thursday, 2

January 21. The space was strangely blank. Just one thing on for 3

the day: her weekly four o’clock with Josie. She’d go into work af-4

ter lunch.

5

Water dripped down her neck; she needed to get a towel. But 6

before closing down the computer, she should check America On-7

line. Most e-mail went to her office account, but the occasional 8

message still landed here. “You’ve got mail.” She clicked on the 9

icon and scanned the results. Just the usual slew of mass mailings, 10

most from purveyors of porn. She was about to delete them en 11

masse, when one message caught her eye. While sex e-mails usu-12

ally came with provocative tags, the message line here was blank.

13

The sender was Adam0116. She clicked to open it up.

14

I have some information that I think would interest you about recent 15

events at your law firm. Contact me if you want to learn more. Staring 16

at the message, Kate felt goosebumps rising on her arms. For a crazy 17

moment, she almost thought that someone was watching her. She 18

whipped her head around, rapidly scanning the room. But, of 19

course, no one was there. Turning back to the screen, she read the 20

message again. Who was Adam0116? She clicked on Member Pro-21

files, hoping she’d find some clue. There is no profile for Adam0116.

22

The words gleamed back from the screen.

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Thursday, January 21

1

2

Kate stared at the newspaper spread out on her lap. She’d already 3

fielded phone calls from Justin and Tara, but she still couldn’t quite 4

believe it. Again, she read the gigantic tabloid headline. CRIME

5

OF PASSION: SUICIDE GUN LINKED TO LEGAL BEAUTY’S

6

DEATH. Then her eyes moved back to the article’s text.

7

8

The Press has learned that Samson & Mills legend Carter Mills 9

ended his life with a valuable antique firearm, the same gun used just ten 10

days earlier to kill Madeleine Waters, a partner in the firm who was ru-11

mored to be Mills’s former lover.

12

Sources say that the revolver was recovered Saturday night, shortly 13

after Mills’s blood-soaked body was discovered in his midtown office.

14

“Ballistics tests leave no doubt that the murder weapon and the suicide 15

gun are one and the same,” said an official close to the investigation, 16

who spoke on condition that his identity be withheld.

17 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

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The reasons for Mills’s choice of weapon — which sources describe as 2

a Colt Lightning double-action .38-caliber revolver — remain mysteri-3

ous. Experts consulted by the Press estimated the gun’s value at approx-4

imately $2,000 to $4,000, depending on its condition. However, they 5

cautioned that a gun of this age would be of interest primarily as a col-6

lector’s item, as it could prove unreliable on firing. . . .

7

8

Kate gazed at the words. Regret. Confusion. Despair. Pushing 9

the paper away, she rested her head in her hands. How much had 10

changed in the past few days. At first, she’d been so sure that 11

Thorpe was the killer. So convinced of Mills’s innocence. She’d 12

wanted so much to believe in Mills, to believe in anything at 13

all. She’d dismissed Sam Howell’s suspicions without a second 14

thought. And even when Drescher had told her the truth, she’d 15

managed to write it off. Only with the discovery of the WideWorld 16

bills had doubt begun to creep in. Mills had been cheating the 17

firm, and Madeleine had held the proof. And still, despite every-18

thing, she’d continued to wait and hope. Only now did Kate admit 19

to herself how much she’d wanted to be wrong.

20

If only there was someone to talk to. A name popped into her 21

mind. Chewing on a thumbnail, she thought it over. No doubt 22

he’d be surprised by her call, but at least he would understand.

23

Sam Howell picked up right away.

24

“It’s Kate,” she said. “Kate Paine. So I guess you’ve probably 25

heard.”

26

“Yes,” he said. “I have.” His voice was gentle, tinged with regret.

27

He didn’t sound smug at all.

28

From her seat on the couch, Kate could see that snow was start-29

ing to fall. “So you were right,” she said. “I still can’t believe it.

30

What was it? How did you know?”

31

“It was the letter, I guess. The one I told you about. I knew that 32

something must have happened. For her to write after all those 33

years.”

ort 34

Kate picked at a hangnail. “I think I know why Carter did it.

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You said that Madeleine knew something bad about Carter. I think 1

I know what it was. I can’t talk about it now. But I wanted you to 2

know.”

3

“And you. How are you?” Howell said, letting the subject drop.

4

“Oh, I’m fine. Hanging in there.” She didn’t want to tell him 5

about finding Carter’s body. Not in her current state.

6

“So can I ask you a question?” she inquired.

7

“Shoot.”

8

“In Sag Harbor, you said you were worried about me. That was 9

why you tracked me down.”

10

“That’s right.”

11

“Well, I don’t understand. Even if I do look a little like Mad-12

eleine, what would that matter? Carter didn’t kill Madeleine be-13

cause of how she looked. He killed her to keep her from talking.”

14

When Howell didn’t answer, Kate went on. “The thing is, I 15

didn’t tell you this before, but right before she died, Madeleine 16

gave me a sort of warning. She told me to be very careful. She was 17

going to say more, but the phone rang. I never found out what she 18

meant.”

19

“She saw it, too,” Howell said. “She knew what could happen to 20

you.”

21

Tearing at her hangnail again, Kate felt an oddly pleasurable 22

glint of pain. “I don’t understand,” she said. “Are you saying that 23

Madeleine knew she was in danger? That doesn’t make any sense.

24

If she’d had any idea —”

25

“No, no, that’s not what I mean.” A hint of irritation edged 26

Howell’s voice, as if he’d expected Kate to understand. “It wasn’t 27

that Madeleine knew she was going to die. Or rather, she knew 28

that she already had. There are many ways to die. There’s physical 29

death, the death of the body, and then there’s the sort of gradual 30

death that takes place when you give up. Madeleine was murdered 31

on January sixth. But the other death, the death of the soul, if you 32

will, had been a long, long process. It began years ago, when she 33

first gave Carter Mills the right to tell her who she was and what 34 sh

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she was worth. It wasn’t her own opinion that counted, but his.

2

She may have looked like she was alive, but she wasn’t really. Not 3

in the ways that matter. She hadn’t been for a very long time.”

4

“I really don’t think it’s the same,” Kate said. “I mean, murder is 5

murder. You’re just talking in metaphors.”

6

Ignoring her, Howell went on. “In her letter, Madeline said 7

she’d been thinking about the choices she’d made in her twenties.

8

In the beginning, she’d been flattered by Mills’s interest. She went 9

into the affair with her eyes open. At least, that’s how she saw it 10

then. It was years later before she started to reassess. By then it was 11

too late. Their careers were completely intertwined. It was terribly 12

painful, she said. On the surface, she’d gotten nothing but benefits 13

from the affair. She got great assignments, became a partner. But 14

there was another side to it as well. The sense of never knowing for 15

sure why she’d done so well. Could she really have done it on her 16

own? Of course, she was an excellent lawyer. This wasn’t the case 17

of a bimbo being promoted out of the boss’s typing pool. It was 18

much more subtle. But it still had a devastating impact. Certain 19

partners never took her seriously, no matter how many cases she 20

won. There was no room for error. She still had to prove to 21

them — and maybe to herself — that she deserved to be where she 22

was.”

23

Kate twisted the phone cord around her finger. “So what does 24

any of this have to do with me?”

25

“It’s the resemblance. Looking at you, Madeleine must have 26

seen a younger version of herself. She knew what could happen at 27

Samson. And for you the risks were especially high. Since you were 28

working for Carter Mills.”

29

“There was nothing like that between Carter and me.” Kate’s 30

voice was sharper now. “If anything, he was like a sort of father. ”

31

Howell laughed out loud. “Did you ever run that by him? I’d 32

love to have heard his response.”

33

“I don’t see how you can —”

ort 34

Howell cut in. “Look, all I’m saying is that he must have been reg 35

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2 8 5

attracted to you. You look so much like Madeleine. He had to have 1

noticed that.”

2

“Not our eyes,” Kate said.

3

“Excuse me?”

4

“Our eyes,” Kate repeated. “They’re different colors.” She didn’t 5

know why she had to make this point, but something urged her on.

6

“I have blue eyes. Madeleine’s eyes were green.”

7

A pause and then Howell continued.

8

“Anyway, you were certainly his physical type. And I can tell 9

that you idolized him. Honestly, what would you have done if he’d 10

approached you?”

11

What would she have done? She wanted to jump right in with a 12

defiant contradiction. But the fact was, she couldn’t say. Not for 13

sure. Carter Mills had represented safety, security, protection. And 14

if he’d offered to take her in? To give her a special place in his life?

15

“There’s something else Madeleine said in her letter. That her 16

feelings for Mills had been so powerful at first, she’d assumed she 17

had to be in love. But thinking about it years later, she saw she’d 18

made a mistake. She’d been right about the strength of her feel-19

ings. On that she was perfectly clear. Her mistake was in thinking 20

the feelings were love when they were really closer to hate. It was 21

surprisingly easy, she said, misjudging emotions that way.”

22

Kate realized she’d been clutching the receiver so hard that her 23

hand was hurting. “Listen, Sam, I’ve got another call. I’ll have to 24

get back to you later.”

25

w

26

As the elevator rose through the air, Josie stared straight ahead.

27

She tried to look relaxed, to pretend she belonged, but she sure 28

didn’t feel that way. The men and women standing around her 29

looked like people on TV. No one said hello to her. No one seemed 30

to notice her at all.

31

She was already feeling nervous. She’d hardly slept at all last 32

night for thinking about what to do. Mama hadn’t been back for 33

two nights now. They were out of money and almost out of food.

34 sh

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1

She just couldn’t do it anymore. Since November, her grades had 2

tanked. She knew her teachers were worried, though they didn’t 3

know what was wrong. Her English teacher, Ms. Gardner, had 4

even asked if she was doing drugs. She’d almost started to cry right 5

there. How could anyone think that about her? Especially her fa-6

vorite teacher.

7

Josie knocked on Kate’s door. Kate called out to come in. Heart 8

swimming in her chest, Josie walked in and sat down. She’d gone 9

back and forth about who to tell, before finally fixing on Kate.

10

More than anyone she knew, Kate could get things done. You 11

could tell that from watching her. Kate looked beautiful today, just 12

like she always did. She was wearing a black-and-white checked 13

dress along with a stiff silk scarf. Where did you buy clothes like 14

that?

15

“So did you bring those essays we were working on?”

16

“Uh, yeah.” Josie was caught off guard. Usually, they talked be-17

fore starting to work. But Kate was all business today.

18

Reaching into her backpack, Josie pulled out several sheets of 19

notebook paper, slightly crumpled at the edges. She put them 20

down on Kate’s desk and tried to smooth them out with her hands.

21

“Josie, you can’t just stuff papers into your bag.” Kate’s eyebrows 22

arched in irritation. “You need to get some sort of a folder. When 23

you turn in an assignment like this, it looks like you just don’t 24

care.”

25

Josie stared at Kate, at the straight line of her mouth. But she did 26

care! She cared so much. Couldn’t Kate see that at all? Josie felt some-27

thing slide shut inside her, a door closing down on her heart. On 28

her way to the law firm today, she’d felt okay, even a little hopeful.

29

She’d believed that Kate cared what happened to her, that Kate 30

would be able to help. Now she saw that she’d been fooling herself.

31

Kate didn’t care, not really.

32

33

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Friday, January 22

1

2

It was almost seven by the time Kate got home, after a full day of 3

shopping. She dumped her bags on the sofa and headed to the 4

kitchen for food. After tossing together a quick dinner — frozen 5

pasta with red sauce from a jar — she carried her plate to the liv-6

ing room and sat on the sofa to eat. She was glad she hadn’t gone 7

to work. The day off had done wonders for her mood. She’d mar-8

veled at the lights, the colors, so different from Samson & Mills.

9

Peering in the windows on Madison Avenue, she’d felt an almost 10

giddy excitement. Like a child on Christmas morning. Like 11

Dorothy plopped down in Oz.

12

After another bite of pasta, Kate picked up her plate and carried 13

it to her desk. She sat down and turned on her computer. Still 14

chewing, she clicked on the icon for America Online. As she 15

waited for the modem to connect, Kate’s eyes fell on a black-and-16

white picture of Mills, clipped from yesterday’s Times. She studied 17 sh

the familiar, trusted face. For years, decades even, he must have 18 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

kept up the act. He must have known the risks he was taking. Must 2

have suspected that his luck could run out. And yet, he’d never 3

given any indication. The thought gave her an uneasy feeling, and 4

it wasn’t hard to figure out why: if she could be so wrong about 5

Carter Mills, who else might she be wrong about? She wanted to 6

believe that there’d been clues. That if she’d been more skeptical, 7

looked more closely, she could have figured out the truth.

8

“You’ve got mail. ” Nervously, Kate clicked on the e-mail icon 9

and scanned the incoming messages. Just a few pieces of junk mail.

10

She felt let down but also relieved to find no follow-up to last 11

night’s message.

12

Again, her eyes drifted to the photo, to the distinguished, hand-13

some face. Who was this man she’d so admired? Had she really 14

known him at all? Thoughtfully, she turned back to the computer.

15

She clicked on the mouse a couple of times to pull up the search 16

engine Infoseek. She stared at the screen for several long seconds.

17

Then she typed in the words “Carter Mills.”

18

A list of twelve responsive documents flashed on the screen.

19

Kate quickly scanned the results. The first few hits were legal rec-20

ords, pleadings from cases Mills had handled. Next came several 21

articles about Mills’s pro bono work for the Lawyers Civil Rights 22

Forum. None of these was what she was looking for. But the next 23

document piqued her interest: a news account of Madeleine Wa-24

ters’s contentious partnership election. Justin had mentioned a 25

piece like this, something in American Law. He’d promised to send 26

her a copy, but it must have slipped his mind. This was a shorter 27

wire-service piece. Still, it was worth checking out.

28

The phone rang, but Kate didn’t answer. She was busy reading 29

the report. No new information to speak of, but it whetted her in-30

terest all the same. Frustrating to be stuck with the Internet, with 31

better resources so readily available. She’d have come up with 32

many more hits if she’d signed on to Lexis-Nexis, a database used 33

at the firm. But unlike the Internet, Nexis cost a bundle. Before ort 34

you could perform a search, you had to type in a client billing code.

reg 35

She could try billing the search to Office General, but then she’d 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 289

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 8 9

have to cook up a story, a way to explain the charges. Another 1

challenge that she didn’t feel up to.

2

Kate forked up another bite of pasta, already unpleasantly cold.

3

Pushing aside the remains of her meal, she glanced at the now-4

silent phone. The message light was still dark. Briefly, she won-5

dered who the caller had been. Then, picking up her plate, she 6

headed for the kitchen to wash up.

7

w

8

Beneath the lofty ceilings of the Metropolitan Museum’s Greek 9

galleries, he was one among hundreds of people, blending into the 10

polite cacophony of a Friday evening. Strains of baroque — the 11

Muzak of the bourgeoisie — wafted in from the museum’s cafe. If 12

only he could make an announcement, tell everyone what he’d 13

done. He imagined their stunned faces, horror blended with a 14

grudging awe. For how could they not admire him?

15

Moving down the wide gallery, he stopped at a set of plaques 16

dating from 450 b.c. Scenes from Odysseus’s return. The first piece 17

was broken, the terra-cotta fragments pieced together, but through 18

the cracks he could still see the image. Odysseus’s nurse washing the 19

hero’s feet, still unaware of his true identity. Only after slaying the 20

interlopers and resuming his rightful place would Odysseus cast off 21

his beggar’s disguise.

22

And then: He wept at last, his dear wife faithful in his arms. . . .

23

Odysseus’s triumphant return made him think of his own suc-24

cess. He, too, had come disguised to the scene of battle. He, too, 25

had enjoyed an unqualified victory. What cause for celebration 26

these past weeks had been! He’d not only slain Carter Mills, de-27

prived him of life itself. He’d also deprived Mills of his legacy.

28

Madeleine’s murder would be blamed on Mills. Mills’s disgrace 29

would be complete.

30

Yes, he had every reason to be happy tonight. Yet something, or 31

rather someone, was destroying his peace of mind.

32

Kate Paine.

33

The thought caused his muscles to clench. He’d called her ear-34 sh

lier tonight, but she hadn’t answered the phone. Not that he 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

would have spoken. He’d planned to hang up when she answered.

2

But he’d needed to hear her voice. It had never occurred to him 3

that she wouldn’t be home. He’d checked her schedule, of course.

4

Kate always kept her calendar up to date. Just like Madeleine had.

5

Something must have come up, some last-minute invitation. Still, 6

that was no excuse.

7

If she was going to be out tonight, she ought to have been with 8

him.

9

Which raised another disturbing question.

10

It had been almost a week now. And still she hadn’t mentioned 11

their encounter. What could be stopping her? He had no doubt 12

that she’d seen him. She had to know what he’d done. So why was 13

she holding back? Why hadn’t she come forward yet?

14

The questions burning in his brain, he moved on to another dis-15

play. A small bronze statue of a discus thrower. The coiled power of 16

the statue blended with the tension in his own arms and legs until 17

he couldn’t quite tell the difference. He was the statue; the statue 18

was him. It was speaking to him, whispering with the wisdom of 19

the ancients. It was telling him what to do.

20

Carpe diem.

21

Once again, it was time to act.

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

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Saturday, January 23

1

2

Stone lions stood guard at the entrance to the New York Public 3

Library. Kate walked past them, through a revolving door, and into 4

a cavernous entry hall with soaring ceilings and a marble floor.

5

Prominently displayed on the walls were plaques setting forth the 6

library’s benefactors. The older plaques listed names familiar from 7

history books: John Jacob Astor. Alexander Hamilton. Andrew 8

Carnegie. Plaques of more recent vintage recorded names of cor-9

porate donors. RJR Nabisco. Chemical Bank. A visible testament 10

to economic change.

11

She’d come here to continue the research she’d begun last 12

night. After getting directions from the information desk, Kate 13

headed down a long hallway toward the DeWitt Wallace Periodi-14

cal Room. She felt the weight of the building around her, the thick 15

marble walls and floors. It occurred to her that she’d spent much of 16

her life in such massive structures — at Barnard, Harvard, and 17 sh

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

now at Samson & Mills — buildings that might seem either op-2

pressive or comforting, depending on your perspective.

3

The periodical room was an airy space, built on a more intimate 4

scale. Winter light spilled in through tall windows. Patrons sat qui-5

etly reading.

6

“Excuse me.” Kate tried to get the attention of a woman at a 7

computer terminal, seated behind a low counter.

8

The woman did not look up. “I don’t work here,” she said, her 9

eyes still glued to the screen. “They’re down that way.” The words 10

came with an indeterminate flick of the head.

11

“Oh.” Kate was about to ask her where exactly “that way” was, 12

when her eyes fell on a booklet beside the computer. Lexis-Nexis.

13

Directory of Online Services. Was it possible?

14

“May I help you?”

15

Behind the typing woman, a librarian had appeared.

16

“Yes, please,” Kate said. “I just noticed that you have Nexis here.

17

Can anyone use it? I mean, is it available to the public?”

18

The librarian nodded. “You can sign up for a half-hour slot.”

19

“Is there a charge?”

20

“No charge. You can’t print or download, though.”

21

Free Nexis. Who cared about downloading or printing? She 22

could always jot down citations and look them up later off-line.

23

Kate signed up for the next available spot, then sat down to for-24

mulate her searches.

25

When her turn arrived, Kate plopped herself down at the com-26

puter and immediately signed on to the U.S. News database. Then 27

she typed in the first search: Carter w/2 Mills. A few seconds later, 28

she had her results. A total of 587 articles that mentioned Mills’s 29

name. The first piece was a wire-service report of Mills’s suicide.

30

The next hit was the same piece, reprinted in a Connecticut paper.

31

The third was yet another copy of the same article.

32

Kate sat back in her chair to think. Obviously, this wasn’t going 33

to work. The search she’d framed was too broad, picking up too much ort 34

useless junk. What she really wanted was in-depth pieces, reports reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

2 9 3

have more luck if she changed the database to Legal News. She 1

typed in the change and waited. Twenty-seven results. Much better.

2

Quickly, she scanned the list. Carter Mills’s comments on an anti-3

trust case. His thoughts on a Supreme Court decision. Farther 4

down, he was quoted in an article concerning associate dissatisfac-5

tion with life at large firms. “This is an extreme environment,”

6

Mills said. “It’s not for everyone.”

7

Finally, Kate found what she was looking for. The American Law 8

piece about Madeleine Waters’s partnership election. Kate 9

scanned the first few paragraphs and then copied down the cita-10

tion. After moving through a few more pieces, she found an Amer-11

ican Law profile of Mills written just after his elevation to managing 12

partner. Now that was definitely worth a look.

13

It took Kate about fifteen minutes to skim through everything of 14

interest. Picking up her notebooks and coat, Kate approached the 15

reference librarian. “Where do I find back issues of American Law? ”

16

“Syble.” Or that’s what it sounded like. Kate pictured an ancient 17

prophetess in flowing robes, clutching a Federal Reporter. But she 18

must have misunderstood.

19

“Excuse me?”

20

“Syble,” the librarian said again. “S-I-B-L. The Science, Indus-21

try, and Business Library. On Madison at Thirty-fourth.”

22

23

24

Entering the Science, Industry, and Business Library, Kate felt as if 25

she’d stumbled into some alternate world. Could this ultramodern 26

facility, replete with chrome, glass, and polished wood, really be a 27

public library?

28

Kate found her way downstairs, past a bank of televisions broad-29

casting business news, to the McGraw Information Services Desk, 30

where she was given a call number and dispatched to the B. Alt-31

man Delivery Desk across the room. Where the main library build-32

ing had broadcast its donors’ largesse by way of discreet plaques, 33

SIBL shouted its corporate benefactors’ names from every avail-34 sh

able surface. It took only a few minutes for Kate’s call number to 35 re

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flash on the marquee. She picked up a small square box containing 2

a microfilm roll.

3

There were just a few people in the Henry and Henrietta Quade 4

Microform Center. Kate had no trouble finding an empty micro-5

film reader. She managed to thread the film and then, after a little 6

more fiddling, managed to bring it into focus. The first issue on her 7

screen had a January date. The issue she needed was April. Turn-8

ing the knob to the right, she let the images fly by. Then she ad-9

justed the knob, slowing the film’s progression so she’d be able to 10

see when to stop. Only half paying attention, she watched the 11

pages drift past. Listings of big deals, with the names of lawyers set 12

out in boldface type. A gossipy article about morale at a Chicago 13

firm. A profile of a Silicon Valley deal maker.

14

And then, there it was.

15

The microfilm photo of Carter Mills looked weird and hyperex-16

posed. The whole report was only six pages, and Kate decided to 17

print it out. She stuck her new copy card into the appropriate slot, 18

centered the screen image, and pressed Copy. Five minutes later, 19

she was done. She rewound and boxed the microfilm, gathered up 20

her effects, and went back to the central room, where she dropped 21

off the box at the delivery desk and settled into a black mesh chair.

22

As she’d expected, the piece about Mills was filled with the pre-23

dictable accolades. From his ascent at the firm, the article moved 24

on to explore his family roots. A firm historian had compared Mills 25

favorably to his grandfather Silas, one of the firm’s two founding 26

partners. Martin Drescher had no comment for the record. The 27

one jarring note was a cryptic comment from Mills’s father. “I’m 28

sure he’ll make a success of this as he has of everything else,” James 29

Mills had told the reporter. “My son has never let anything, or 30

anyone, get in his way.” Perhaps the senior Mills hadn’t intended 31

the acid tone; maybe he’d only meant to say that Carter accom-32

plished what he set out to do. But something in the tenor of the 33

words told Kate that the two men had had their struggles.

ort 34

It suddenly occurred to Kate that she’d heard the name James reg 35

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by that name. At the time, she’d barely noticed, considered it a slip 1

of the tongue. Now she saw it was something more. J. Carter Mills.

2

It wasn’t too much of a leap to see that the J had to stand for James.

3

Carter must have been named for his father. He must have used 4

that name when he was younger, and Harrison had fallen back on 5

habit. But why had he made this change? Was it just to avoid con-6

fusion? Or had other factors come into play? It wasn’t a lot to go 7

on. But for the moment, it was all she had.

8

Half an hour later, Kate was seated at a computer terminal in 9

the Elizabeth and Felix Rohatyn Electronic Information Center, 10

signing on to Nexis again. She went first to the Legal News data-11

base and typed in a search: James w/2 Mills. Seven documents 12

came up. But, quickly browsing the files, she saw there was nothing 13

of interest. Two of the articles quoted a James R. Mills, a partner in 14

a Florida firm. The other five were equally inapposite, referring to 15

lawyers in Tennessee, California, and Michigan. Kate decided to try 16

a broader search. Broad but not too broad. She switched to New 17

York News.

18

She was almost through the results when a headline flashed be-19

fore her eyes. Unsolved Murders: Ten Crimes That Have Stumped the 20

NYPD. Kate stared at the screen for a moment before scrolling 21

down, past the headless body found in the East River, past the 22

execution-style slaying of a school teacher, to the item she was 23

looking for.

24

25

January 16, 1973.

26

A cold winter evening.

27

Maria Bernini, an attractive twenty-five-year-old with dreams of be-28

coming an actress, was returning to her Eleventh Avenue walk-up 29

shortly after 2 A.M. After completing a double shift at the Echo Diner, 30

where she’d worked as a waitress for the past three years, Bernini 31

stopped by a friend’s to pick up her sleeping four-year-old son.

32

It was the last time she was seen alive.

33

The next day, Bernini was discovered dead in her apartment, the vic-34 sh

tim of a brutal slaying. She’d been sexually assaulted and stabbed before 35 re

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being shot through the head. Her son, also bound and gagged, was dis-2

covered unharmed, propped up in a chair across from his mother’s muti-3

lated body.

4

The Bernini case took a surprising twist when the gun used in the 5

killing, discovered at the scene of the crime, was traced to James Mills, 6

an independent historian from a prominent Boston family and a collec-7

tor of historic firearms. Mr. Mills, who was never charged in the case, 8

said he had not noticed the disappearance of the gun, an 1877 Colt 9

Lightning. . . .

10

11

Colt Lightning. Kate stared at the words, heart pounding. It was 12

the same gun. It had to be. The same gun used to kill Madeleine.

13

The gun Mills had used to kill himself. Even the modus operandi 14

was the same. Maria Bernini had been brutally stabbed and shot in 15

the head. Just like Madeleine Waters.

16

Kate closed her eyes, trying to stop her head from spinning.

17

1973. That’s when Maria Bernini had died. Carter Mills would 18

have been in his early twenties. Roughly the same age as the mur-19

dered young woman. The woman he must have killed.

20

“Miss? Are you almost finished?”

21

Kate looked up with a start. A bespectacled man was anxiously 22

waiting his turn.

23

“I’m finished now,” she said. “Just let me get my papers together.”

24

25

26

By the time she got home from the library, Kate had already made 27

up her mind. What she’d suspected about Carter Mills she couldn’t 28

just keep to herself. She would have liked to go directly to Detec-29

tive Valencia, but that wasn’t a viable option. She was still an em-30

ployee of Samson & Mills. And firm policy was crystal clear: first, 31

she had to go to Martin Drescher.

32

At loose ends, uncertain what to do next, Kate decided to type 33

up her notes. She sat down at her desk and turned on her com-ort 34

puter. As the screen flashed on, Kate felt her stomach drop. I have reg 35

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your law firm. She signed on to America Online. But there was 1

nothing unusual in her AOL mailbox. Just several more pieces of 2

junk mail. She deleted the entries and moved on.

3

From AOL, Kate switched over to the Samson network. She felt 4

a little uncomfortable putting her notes on the firm’s computer sys-5

tem, but Samson’s was the only word processing program she had 6

access to at home. She’d never had much faith in the firm’s com-7

puter security. How hard could it be to figure out that everyone’s 8

password was password? But she was just being paranoid. After all, 9

who was she? A lowly second-year associate. Anyone sniffing out 10

Samson secrets could surely find more interesting targets.

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

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29

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31

32

33

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Sunday, January 24

2

3

He couldn’t believe his eyes. By now, he’d read the sentences so 4

many times he’d lost count. He’d hoped to find another interpre-5

tation. Some sign that he’d misunderstood. But instead, it was just 6

growing worse. The ridiculous conjectures and speculations. Why 7

was she doing this? None of it made any sense.

8

He could feel a coldness deep in his core, gradually spreading 9

outward. From his stomach it had moved to his heart and liver, and 10

still it was edging on. Down toward his testicles. Up toward his 11

shoulders. From there it would flow through his arms to his hands, 12

now locked on the computer keyboard. But he was grateful for the 13

cold, grateful for the creeping numbness. It allowed him to think 14

clearly. Clearly and without emotion.

15

Again, the questions circled his mind, like vultures come in for 16

a kill. Could she really believe what she’d written? That Carter ort 17

Mills had killed Madeleine? That Carter had killed himself? But reg 18

she’d seen him leaving Carter’s office! What did she make of that?

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She was ruining everything, destroying his faith in her. Why 1

hadn’t she just asked? Didn’t she know he was waiting? Instead, 2

she’d gone off on her own. As if he played no role in her life. As if 3

he didn’t exist.

4

Something was terribly wrong. He gazed across the room, at the 5

photograph pinned to the wall. What should I do? he silently 6

pleaded. Where do I go from here? He stared at the picture, waiting.

7

The most beautiful woman in the world. And then the answer came 8

clear. Just as he’d hoped it would.

9

Kate Paine belonged to him.

10

It was time she acted that way.

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

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29

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31

32

33

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Monday, January 25

2

3

Kate awoke to the sound of sirens blasting just inches from her 4

head. Her mind demanded that she get up, but her body refused to 5

move. She lay for a time in stunned dismay, the noise assaulting 6

her ears. Then, as her mind engaged, she realized that she was in 7

bed. The screeching was just her alarm clock. She reached over 8

and turned it off.

9

Even after she’d gotten up, the grogginess seemed to linger.

10

Maybe breakfast would help. Why not take advantage of her flexi-11

ble schedule and make herself something to eat? There was noth-12

ing in the house, of course. So she put on her coat and went out.

13

There had been a light dusting of snow during the night, and 14

the short walk to Zabar’s refreshed her. Crowds already clogged the 15

aisles of the legendary food emporium. Carts and strollers vied for 16

position as shoppers grimly forged ahead. By the cheese counter, a ort 17

mother grabbed her small son by the arm. “If you don’t change your reg 18

attitude, I’m going to knock you down.” Nearby, a sleek male execu-9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 301

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tive type turned to his lookalike partner and said, “I want to be just 1

like him, stupid and a nymphomaniac.”

2

Kate was still mulling over this last remark — could nympho-3

maniacs be male as well as female? — when she reached the 4

smoked-fish counter. After a brief wait in line, she acquired a 5

packet of smoked salmon before heading to the dairy case. She was 6

moving toward the cash register when she had another thought.

7

She’d been meaning to buy a toaster. Why not take care of that 8

now? She made her way to the stairs that led to the second-floor 9

housewares department.

10

Upstairs, Kate was about to ask where the toasters were when 11

her eyes lit on a set of cookware enameled in a deep, rich blue. She 12

lingered in front of the display, studying a five-quart Dutch oven.

13

There was something both comforting and seductive about the 14

piece. It brought to mind dinners in front of a fireplace. Wine-rich 15

beef stews. Spaghetti Bolognese. Beneath the display, she found a 16

carton containing an identical item and heaved it into her arms.

17

Still carrying the Dutch oven, Kate proceeded to the toaster 18

aisle, where she picked out a white Braun model. She was tempted 19

to browse a little more, but she had about all she could carry. Be-20

sides, who knew what she’d end up with if she stuck around. A 21

bread-making machine? A waffle iron? She headed for the check-22

out line.

23

She didn’t have to go to work today. She didn’t have to do any-24

thing. But the thought of spending the day at home left her feeling 25

restless and bleak. If she went in to the office, at least she’d be 26

around people.

27

“You are a most unhelpful man. I bought this yesterday, and it’s 28

broken. Broken. I demand to see the manager. Do you hear me? Im-29

mediately. ”

30

The middle-aged man in front of her clutched a plastic blender 31

to his chest. The clerk at whom the anger was aimed stood there 32

looking frankly bored. It’s just a blender, Kate thought, annoyed. It 33

probably cost thirty bucks. Still, ten minutes later as she left the 34 sh

store, the scene lingered in her mind. Her sense of condescension 35 re

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was gone, and she felt unaccountably sad. In her mind, she saw the 2

irate customer, shrieking at the bland-faced clerk. It was then that 3

she understood. It’s not just him. It’s what he represents. We’re all 4

scared at some level, afraid we can’t protect ourselves.

5

And who can blame us, really? Just think about Madeleine. . . .

6

7

8

The subway platform was almost empty. She must have just missed 9

a train. Peering down the tunnel for a sign of light, Kate noticed 10

that her glasses were fogged. She stepped well back on the plat-11

form — out of reach of any lurking psycho who might push her 12

onto the tracks — and reached in her purse for a tissue.

13

As she pulled off her glasses, the subway platform dissolved in a 14

gloomy blur. Hazy dark forms and gray-blue light. She’d almost fin-15

ished with her lenses when a shadow crossed her line of vision. In-16

stantly, Kate’s heart began to race. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t 17

think. What was happening? What was wrong? Was she having a 18

panic attack?

19

Hurriedly, Kate restored her glasses, looking wildly back and 20

forth. But there was only a woman’s retreating back. A woman in 21

a black wool coat. Kate stared after her for several moments, trying 22

to calm herself. Slowly, the fear subsided.

23

Just a woman in a black wool coat.

24

Still she felt anxious, on edge. Dizzy. Frightened. Confused.

25

How to explain this response? The woman’s figure had triggered 26

something. Brought back a memory.

27

Then, in a flash, it came back.

28

Saturday night. The corridor outside Mills’s office. Then, too, 29

she’d stopped to polish her glasses. And then, too, she’d seen some-30

thing. Just like today. Some shadowy form had appeared, then van-31

ished. Disappeared down the hall . . .

32

Kate stood frozen on the subway platform. An announcement 33

blared from the loudspeaker, but she barely noticed the sound. Her ort 34

whole being was focused on the memory, the thought that had just reg 35

broken through. If she was right — and she was sure that she 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 303

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3 0 3

was — then Mills hadn’t been alone that night. It was possible, 1

just possible, that Mills hadn’t killed himself.

2

Impatiently, Kate stepped forward, willing the train to arrive.

3

But as she stared down the looming tunnel, the logic of her 4

thoughts struck home. If Carter Mills hadn’t killed himself, then a 5

murderer was still at large.

6

w

7

Martin Drescher fidgeted with a paper clip, unbending it, then 8

pushing it back. The skin on his face hung in loose gray folds. His 9

eyes were cloudy and inert. Kate wasn’t even sure if he’d been lis-10

tening. But when she stopped, he finally looked up.

11

“But you didn’t have on your glasses,” he said. “And without them 12

you’re virtually blind. That’s what you said yourself.” Drescher’s 13

eyes wandered back to the paper clip. He’d flattened it out on his 14

desk. Now he began to restore its shape.

15

“That’s true,” Kate said. “But I know that someone was there. I 16

just couldn’t see who it was.”

17

“And why didn’t you mention this Saturday night?”

18

“Like I said, I didn’t remember. I was still in shock, I guess.”

19

“So right after it happened, you didn’t remember. Then two days 20

later, you suddenly do. Is that what you’re telling me?” Drescher had 21

adopted the sort of tone that might be used on cross-examination.

22

“That’s right,” Kate said stubbornly. “Saturday night I was in 23

shock. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

24

“And during this time that you weren’t thinking clearly, you 25

think that you saw something, some sort of blurry figure outside of 26

Carter Mills’s office?”

27

“I was still thinking clearly at that point,” Kate said. “And I 28

know that I saw something.” She refused to let Drescher throw her.

29

What he wanted, Kate knew, was for her to change her story, to ad-30

mit that she might have been mistaken. But as long as she stood 31

her ground, he couldn’t do anything to touch her.

32

Drescher shifted heavily in his chair. Absently, he edged the pa-33

per clip under his left thumbnail. He fiddled with the clip for a mo-34 sh

ment or two, then moved to his index finger. Kate watched him, 35 re

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fascinated. Could he really be cleaning his nails? For some time the 2

room was silent. Then, putting down the paper clip, Drescher was 3

speaking again.

4

“Ms. Paine, I understand your reluctance to believe the truth 5

about Carter Mills. You worked for him. I’m sure you admired him.

6

But you have to accept the facts. Carter Mills killed himself. Be-7

fore that, he killed Madeleine.

8

“Now, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m going 9

to assume you believe what you’re telling me. But you’re absolutely 10

wrong. And I have no intention of letting you or anyone put this 11

firm through further disruption. Do I make myself clear?”

12

By the time Drescher finished his speech, Kate was so angry she 13

could barely speak. It was one thing for Drescher to be skeptical.

14

Another for him to stop her from going to the police with what 15

might be evidence of murder. But she wouldn’t lose control again.

16

Biting her lip, she met his eyes.

17

“Perfectly clear,” she said.

18

19

20

Still seething five minutes later, Kate appeared at Justin’s open 21

door. Justin was on the phone. Still talking, he flashed a smile and 22

gestured for her to wait. Kate slouched into the room and flung 23

herself down on a chair. As she stared blankly out the window, ran-24

dom phrases caught her ear: “stockholder class action,” “fraud on 25

the court,” “10b-5 liability.” Simply hearing Justin’s voice seemed 26

to soothe her. She was almost sorry when he hung up.

27

“What’s going on?” he said, giving her a closer look.

28

Kate raised a dismissive hand. “Oh, just the usual,” she said.

29

“Nothing worth discussing.” How many times had she deceived 30

Justin in the past few weeks? By now, she’d almost lost count. But 31

it wouldn’t be fair to involve him. She had to deal with this herself.

32

“So what’s up with you?” she said. “You look pretty busy.”

33

“Just trying to wind up a few things before Wednesday.”

ort 34

“Wednesday?”

reg 35

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“Laura and I are leaving that night. I want to get out of here 1

early.”

2

“Oh. Right.” In the press of events, Kate had forgotten about 3

Justin’s out-of-town tryst. A dull weight settled in her heart. Justin 4

would go off with Laura. And she’d be alone again.

5

“So where are you going?” Kate said, hoping her feelings didn’t 6

show.

7

If he noticed anything amiss, Justin didn’t let on. “Connecticut.

8

Some bed-and-breakfast. I don’t remember where, exactly. Laura 9

made the reservations.”

10

The weight on Kate’s heart increased. She pictured Justin and 11

Laura conferring, making plans for the trip. Justin had a whole life 12

now, a life she knew nothing about. And this was just the begin-13

ning. Moodily, she gazed at a family photograph on the bookshelf 14

next to her chair. Justin sat on a love seat, with one arm around his 15

sister. Behind them stood their parents. Sarah Daniels’s flaxen hair 16

was piled on top of her head. She wore a lavender silk dress and 17

pearls. Next to her was Justin’s professor father, tall and self-18

possessed.

19

Staring at the picture, Kate felt utterly alone. She thought of 20

the lonely little match girl in Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale.

21

That was how she felt right now. Normal people had families, 22

people who stood by them and loved them no matter what. But she 23

had no one. She could feel the self-pity seeping in. What had life 24

brought but an unending succession of losses? Sometimes it 25

seemed like she was being punished. Of course, she knew this 26

wasn’t true. The bad things that had happened in her life — her 27

parents’ divorce, her mother’s death, Michael’s betrayal — they 28

really weren’t her fault. But maybe she wanted to believe that they 29

were. To believe that events took place for a reason.

30

“Kate?” Looking up, she met Justin’s eyes.

31

“Sorry. I’m a little distracted.” With one finger, Kate traced the 32

wooden arm of her chair. “Remember in law school when we 33

learned about the rule of reliance? How, even if you don’t have a 34 sh

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contract, you can still force someone to perform? Like if someone 2

mows your lawn by mistake and you know what they’re doing but 3

let them finish. You know that they expect to be paid. You can’t get 4

out of it by saying you didn’t ask them to do the work.”

5

“Yeah, I remember.” She couldn’t be sure Justin was really lis-6

tening. But, warming to the subject, she didn’t much care. “Well, I 7

think that relationships should be like that, too. Like if you tell 8

someone you love them, you shouldn’t be able just to change your 9

mind. Not if there’s detrimental reliance. Not if the other party —

10

the other person, I mean — has already done something not in 11

their best interest because they believed what you said.”

12

Justin laughed. “Gee, Kate. As a legal matter, I don’t quite see 13

how that would work.”

14

“I’m not saying it would work, ” Kate said, a slight petulance 15

creeping into her voice. “I’m just saying that it’s how things should 16

be. In an ideal world. If life were fair.”

17

“So I guess you’re not a big fan of no-fault divorce?”

18

Kate shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe in the real world it has to 19

be that way. But that doesn’t mean it’s right. People should do 20

what they say they’ll do. They shouldn’t just be able to change 21

their minds. To pretend that the past never happened.”

22

Justin was covertly eyeing the stack of documents on his desk.

23

“I should go,” Kate said. But she really didn’t feel like moving.

24

Instead, she remained in her chair, her eyes fixed on Justin’s face.

25

He looked tired today; he probably hadn’t gotten much sleep. But 26

he was willing to indulge her, to be there if she needed to talk.

27

For a moment, Kate felt like crying. A swell of emotions stirred 28

in her chest: Gratitude, sadness, yearning, and another feeling she 29

couldn’t quite name. It was an old feeling, a sensation almost for-30

gotten. Pleasurable but also frightening. A feeling that seemed 31

equally equipped to save or destroy her. And then, with a start, she 32

knew what it was.

33

Love.

ort 34

Kate looked at Justin, stunned. The familiar curve of his cheek.

reg 35

The faint lines around his eyes. Warmth flooded through her body.

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It was like something was melting or breaking in her chest, some-1

thing she hadn’t even known was there. Kate felt her lips curve 2

into a smile. She almost laughed out loud. Why hadn’t she real-3

ized? Why hadn’t she seen it before? The world seemed to resolve 4

into a single thought, a single realization. She was in love with 5

Justin.

6

“You know, I should really get back to work. Laura’s going to kill 7

me if I have to stay late on Wednesday.”

8

Like a punctured balloon, Kate felt herself spiraling down back 9

to earth. What had she been thinking? Justin was happy now.

10

Happy with someone else. Looking down at her lap, Kate thought 11

of another fairy tale, the little mermaid who’d loved the prince. In 12

exchange for a human form, she gave up her tongue and the power 13

of speech. She also accepted unending pain: every time she took a 14

step it felt as though knives were piercing her feet. And still she 15

didn’t get the prince. He married another mortal.

16

Abruptly, Kate rose from her chair. “So I should get going,” she 17

said.

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

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Tuesday, January 26

2

3

Detective Cathy Valencia squinted at the fluorescent numbers on 4

the radio alarm clock: 3:12 a.m. She was usually a heavy sleeper, 5

but lately her nights had been fitful. Now she felt wide awake. Slip-6

ping out from under her sleeping husband’s arm, Valencia climbed 7

out of bed.

8

Downstairs, the kitchen was warm and quiet. Valencia put on a 9

kettle of water, then sat down at the dining table. She fished a copy 10

of Glamour from under a pile of newspapers and began to flip 11

through its pages. She never thought much about her appearance, 12

as long as she was neat and clean. She’d loved those early days on 13

the force when she hadn’t had to think what to wear. Half asleep, 14

she’d pull on her uniform. In minutes, she’d be on her way. Still, it 15

was strangely soothing to look through fashion magazines. To study 16

the too-thin models, with their vacant eyes. Perhaps she envied ort 17

their apparent ability not to care about anything at all. She had al-reg 18

ways cared too much.

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The kettle had begun to whistle. Valencia turned off the burner.

1

She dumped a packet of fat-free instant cocoa into a mug im-2

printed with the words “Save the Humans.” Then she filled the 3

mug with hot water, stirred, and went back to her chair to sit 4

down. Sipping the hot drink, she felt a heavy softness press against 5

her leg. “Why, hello there, Mr. P.” Valencia reached down and 6

stroked the cat’s silky back before pulling him up to her lap. He was 7

a fine fat tom with an orange-brown coat. His name — short for 8

Mr. Potatohead — came courtesy of her three-year-old niece. For a 9

long moment, the cat’s yellow eyes gazed up at her face. Then he 10

circled once around, plunked down on her thighs, and was in-11

stantly fast asleep. If only she could learn his secret!

12

After another sip of cocoa, Valencia leaned back in the chair 13

and closed her eyes, willing her mind to be silent. But her brain 14

just wouldn’t shut up. Once again, her thoughts moved back to 15

Samson & Mills. For days now, she’d tried to forget. After all, the 16

cases were closed; they’d received exceptional clearance. Still, Va-17

lencia couldn’t get over the feeling that facts had been overlooked.

18

In the clutter of papers before her, Valencia came up with a 19

notepad and pen. She opened the notepad to the first blank page 20

and drew a straight line down the middle. She labeled the two 21

columns “Pro” and “Con.” Then, frowning, she tore out the sheet 22

of paper, balled it up in her hand, and tossed it toward the trash 23

can in the corner. On the next blank sheet of paper, she drew two 24

lines, this time creating three equal columns. The first two she 25

again labeled “Pro” and “Con.” The third she labeled “Inconclu-26

sive.”

27

Still holding the pen, Valencia thought through what she knew 28

about Carter Mills’s death. First, there was the issue of motive. If 29

Mills had, in fact, killed Madeleine Waters, that certainly might 30

explain why he’d killed himself, whether due to remorse or fear of 31

discovery. And if those weren’t sufficient motives, there were the 32

billing improprieties that Drescher had brought to their attention.

33

Valencia briefly noted these facts under “Pro” and then sat back in 34 sh

her chair.

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What else did she know about Mills’s last days? He’d certainly 2

seemed preoccupied. But that could have been a normal reaction 3

to a colleague’s death. Especially when that colleague was a former 4

lover. Under the column labeled “Inconclusive,” Valencia wrote 5

“Demeanor/Mood.” Then there was the typed suicide note, with 6

its vague allusions to failure and despair. The typed note had been 7

a red flag. Was it possible that someone else had typed the note, 8

that the words had been the work of Mills’s killer? She couldn’t dis-9

miss that thought. Still, she didn’t have any proof. Another point 10

under “Inconclusive.”

11

The physical evidence, what there was of it, also provided little 12

guidance. While Mills’s fingerprints were all over the gun, gunshot 13

residue tests on his hands had all come up negative. Still, this was 14

far from uncommon. While the presence of residue would have 15

been proof that Mills fired the gun, its absence didn’t mean that he 16

hadn’t. It simply left open the possibility that someone other than 17

Mills had pulled the trigger. The fact that the gun had been found 18

on Mills’s desk was similarly unhelpful. If the gun had been found 19

clutched tightly in Mills’s hand, this “cadaveric spasm” would have 20

proved his wound was self-inflicted. But this was a rare phenome-21

non; some cops even claimed that it didn’t exist. Again, she 22

couldn’t draw any conclusions.

23

Absorbed in the problem before her, Valencia had almost for-24

gotten her cocoa. She raised the mug to her lips, but now it was 25

only lukewarm. Lifting the sleeping Mr. P. from her lap, she stood 26

up and returned him to the chair. The cat raised his head from a 27

haze of sleep and blinked a few times before again curling up in a 28

ball. Valencia stuck her mug in the microwave and punched in two 29

minutes.

30

Waiting for the cocoa to reheat, Valencia had an idea. She 31

walked to the living room and headed for the bookcase under the 32

stairs. Its shelves held a motley assortment of volumes. Paperback 33

bestsellers and criminology texts crammed in with books on cook-ort 34

ing and home improvement. It took a little time to find what she reg 35

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and Forensic Techniques. She pulled down the stout blue book and 1

carried it back to the kitchen.

2

After retrieving her now-hot cocoa, Valencia gave Mr. P a 3

gentle nudge. He opened a languorous eye and then, with a re-4

proachful look, hopped down from the chair and slunk from the 5

room, bound for more peaceful environs. Back in the chair, still 6

warm from Mr. P., Valencia turned to the index and looked for 7

“Suicide.” Beneath this entry was a column of type, investigative 8

checklist . . . investigative considerations . . . background infor-9

mation . . . equivocal death.

10

Equivocal death. That was what she was looking for. Valencia 11

took down a few more page numbers and then turned to the first of 12

the references. The words, highlighted in yellow during some past 13

perusal, jumped out at her from the page. “Equivocal death inves-14

tigations are those inquiries that are open to interpretation. . . .”

15

For some time she continued to read. Then, looking up, she 16

thought back in time. Carter Mills’s blood-drenched office, the 17

shattered remains of his body. The Samson partners, circling their 18

wagons, tight-lipped as the members of a street gang. The shell-19

shocked young lawyer who’d discovered the scene.

20

And, Valencia realized, it wasn’t just Carter Mills’s death that 21

had her unnerved. Her uneasiness extended beyond that, back to 22

the Waters murder. There, too, the facts didn’t add up. There were 23

loose ends, missing pieces. And Carter Mills’s supposed suicide had 24

done nothing to clear them up. First, there was the fact that Wa-25

ters’s body had been moved from the actual crime scene, dumped 26

where it was sure to be discovered. Someone had taken the trou-27

ble — and risk — of leaving the body in plain view. Why? What 28

possible reason would Mills have had for wanting Madeleine’s 29

body found?

30

The fact that the body was left in plain view; it had to be by de-31

sign. The expert-for-hire quoted in the local paper knew the value 32

of a sound bite. But in labeling Madeleine’s killer disorganized, 33

he’d jumped to conclusions far too quickly. Whoever killed Made-34 sh

leine Waters had managed to escape undetected. Had managed to 35 re

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transport and dump the body, all without arousing suspicion. Even 2

the spread-eagled display of the body reflected an effort to control.

3

And most telling of all, perhaps, the killer had concocted the tele-4

phone scheme that lured Madeleine to her death. He’d known of 5

her scheduled dinner with Thorpe and called to reschedule it. In 6

essence, he’d set a trap. Such actions required planning, a patient 7

attention to detail. They were hardly the work of a disorganized 8

killer, someone veering toward insanity.

9

True, there had been some basis for the expert’s comments. The 10

lack of semen at the scene. The random postmortem stab wounds 11

to the face and breast. The candle in the victim’s vagina. Such acts 12

were generally committed by disorganized types. By a perp unable 13

to complete the sexual act, filled with uncontrollable rage. But 14

these elements could have been designed to mislead; it had cer-15

tainly happened before. An organized offender could stage a crime 16

scene, mimic a disorganized perp. While detectives searched for a 17

psychotic loner, someone barely functional, the real killer got on 18

with his life. He might be a model citizen, a family man. No one 19

would ever guess.

20

Carter Mills’s alibi was solid, but not until after eight. It would 21

have been tight, but not impossible. At least, that’s what she’d 22

been telling herself. Possible and yet . . . was it likely? She couldn’t 23

seem to get a grip. As a rule, homicide detectives relied on the the-24

ory of transfer and exchange, the notion that a perp leaves traces 25

at the scene. And that the scene, in turn, leaves it marks on him.

26

But here they’d come up dry. No fingerprints. No foreign hairs. No 27

semen. And lab reports indicated that the only blood was the vic-28

tim’s. Perhaps these dead ends partly explained why she and Glaser 29

had given in. That and pressure from the mayor. Mills’s suicide had 30

come as a stroke of luck, letting them both off the hook.

31

But the fact was, before Mills died, she’d thought they were get-32

ting somewhere. They’d finally gotten their hands on a copy of 33

Waters’s will. A document that bequeathed all earthly possessions ort 34

to her former husband, Sam Howell. Not a little surprising in light reg 35

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3 1 3

of Howell’s claim that he hadn’t seen his ex-wife in years. They’d 1

been on the verge of asking Howell to take a polygraph test. Of 2

course, that plan had gone out the window with news of Carter 3

Mills’s death.

4

But thoughts she’d banished from consciousness still haunted 5

her sleep each night. Now, wide awake at 4 a.m., the questions 6

rang in her mind.

7

What was the story with Howell?

8

Had they written him off too soon?

9

w

10

In the morning, Kate again washed her kitchen floor, now cleaner 11

than it had been since she’d moved in. Her apartment and her life 12

seemed to bear an inverse relation, the former becoming ever more 13

orderly as the latter veered out of control. She’d just squeezed out 14

the mop when she heard the phone ring. Once, twice, three times, 15

before the answering machine engaged. From the next room, she 16

could hear a male voice, vaguely familiar from the distance. Was it 17

Douglas Macauley, perhaps? She didn’t much care right now.

18

She was still reeling from yesterday’s meeting with Drescher, 19

still didn’t understand what had happened. Even with his hatred of 20

Mills, how could Drescher be so cavalier? How could he ignore the 21

fact that a killer might still be at large? It didn’t make any sense.

22

Unless . . .

23

Kate froze in her tracks. What if Drescher himself was involved?

24

He’d certainly had access to Madeleine’s schedule. And who had 25

more to gain than Martin Drescher from Carter Mills’s untimely 26

death? As for Madeleine, there was no shortage of possible mo-27

tives. Perhaps a love affair gone wrong, if she believed what Jen-28

nifer had said. Or something to do with the WideWorld bills that 29

had been stored in Madeleine’s desk. It was even possible that 30

Drescher had planned the whole thing, killed Madeleine to set up 31

Mills.

32

Kate thought back to the night of Mills’s death, trying to re-33

member when she’d last seen Drescher. He’d definitely been at the 34 sh

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cocktail party, but she couldn’t be quite sure when. It would have 2

been easy enough for him to slip away. Could Drescher have killed 3

his rival and then returned unnoticed?

4

On the heels of this disturbing question came another chilling 5

thought. Her meeting yesterday with Drescher. She’d told him 6

everything. And if he’d been the lone blurred figure, the shadow 7

she’d seen in the hall? How could she not be a threat? Kate leaned 8

the mop against the kitchen wall, her mouth gone dry as paper. Af-9

ter quickly wiping off her hands, she went to find her purse. Stuffed 10

in her billfold was Valencia’s number, copied down from the card 11

she’d been given. Ignoring the flashing message light, Kate picked 12

up the phone and dialed.

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

ort 34

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Wednesday, January 27

1

2

2 p.m. Cathy Valencia chewed on the end of a ballpoint pen and 3

thought about what to do next. She’d been trading calls with Kate 4

Paine since yesterday afternoon and still hadn’t been able to reach 5

her. It was almost as if Kate was avoiding her. But that didn’t make 6

any sense. Kate, after all, had called her.

7

Kate had asked to be called at home. Normally, Valencia would 8

have respected the request. But something in the young lawyer’s 9

voice made Valencia eager to reach her. She’d waited long enough.

10

Besides, if she used her private cell phone, only Kate would know 11

who had called.

12

“Kate Paine’s office.” The woman who answered the phone had 13

a soft, ebullient voice with a hint of Brooklyn at the edges.

14

“Is she in?” Valencia tried to sound casual, as if she were a per-15

sonal friend.

16

“No, I don’t expect her today.”

17 sh

“D’you have any idea when I could reach her?”

18 re

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“I couldn’t really say. But I’d be happy to take a message. She’ll 2

definitely be checking in with me today.”

3

“That’s okay. I’ll try back later.” Valencia was about to hang up, 4

when the young woman spoke again.

5

“If you don’t reach her today, I’m pretty sure she’ll be in by four 6

tomorrow. She has an appointment then.”

7

w

8

Arriving home that night, Kate felt like she was floating. She’d fi-9

nally taken Tara’s suggestion and spent the day at the Peninsula 10

Spa, where she’d been rubbed, wrapped, and pounded into a grate-11

ful torpor. But one look at the phone was enough to douse her good 12

spirits. The message light was flashing. While she was out, five calls 13

had come in.

14

In the end, it wasn’t so bad. Three calls were from Cathy Valen-15

cia, who seemed pretty anxious to reach her. A message from Tara.

16

Another from Sam Howell. “I’ve been thinking about you, Kate.

17

Just wondering how you’re doing. I don’t know what your sched-18

ule’s like, but I’ll be in the city this weekend. If you have time, I’d 19

like to see you.”

20

Howell’s call came as a surprise. Their encounters had been so 21

strange. Her frantic flight from his home in Sag Harbor. The 22

abrupt conclusion of their recent talk. She hadn’t gotten back to 23

him even though she’d said she would. Tomorrow she’d call both 24

Sam and Tara. Valencia, however, she should try right now.

25

But even as she reached for the phone, a part of her seemed to 26

pull back. Her day at the spa had relaxed her, done wonders for her 27

mood. Would it be so wrong to prolong it? All the things that had 28

seemed so pressing now seemed as if they could wait. That shadow 29

outside Mills’s office. Could she really be sure what she’d seen?

30

What had her so convinced that the movement was a human be-31

ing?

32

Slowly, Kate lowered her hand. She’d put off the call to Valencia, 33

return it tomorrow as well. For now, she’d just check her e-mail.

ort 34

And then, she’d climb into bed.

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 1 7

Kate pressed a hand to her mouth. There it was. Another commu-1

nication from Adam0116. Her spa-induced calm was instantly 2

gone, replaced by a sense of foreboding. Her heart lurched against 3

her sternum, a cold fist lodged in her chest. She clicked on the 4

message line.

5

I have important information about a subject that interests you. I’m 6

sure you know what I mean. If you’d like to know more, meet me to-7

morrow at the Royalton Hotel at 9 P.M.

8

Kate stared at the lines as if hypnotized. The Royalton Hotel. A 9

popular watering hole for glitterati types, it was just down from the 10

Harvard Club.

11

I have important information about a subject that interests you.

12

Of course, she shouldn’t agree to the meeting. It was absurd, 13

maybe dangerous.

14

Still, she stared at the screen.

15

Kate thought about the Royalton Hotel. She’d been there for 16

drinks a few times. No place could be more public. No place could 17

be more safe. She moved her hands to the keyboard. I’ll see you 18

there, she typed.

19

20

21

22

23

24

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26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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1

Thursday, January 28

2

3

It was a little after three when Kate arrived at her office. At the 4

sound of her approach, Jennifer’s head bobbed up from behind a 5

magazine. “Hi!” she said. “I was wondering if you’d get here today.”

6

“Yeah. Well.” Kate didn’t feel up to chatting. All day, she’d been 7

fighting off a dull headache. If it weren’t for her appointment with 8

Josie, she’d have spent the day at home in bed.

9

“Some woman’s been trying to reach you. She’s called three or 10

four times today.”

11

“Thanks. She’ll probably try again.” Kate rummaged in her 12

purse for the keys to her office door.

13

“It’s already unlocked,” Jennifer said. “I was about to tell you.

14

Justin’s waiting inside.”

15

“Justin?” Kate looked at Jennifer in surprise. Justin was supposed 16

to be out of town by now, off to Connecticut with Laura.

ort 17

As she cracked open the door, Kate’s heart beat faster. It was reg 18

Justin, all right. Right there in her chair, studying something on 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 319

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 1 9

the computer screen. He looked up. Their eyes met. In an instant, 1

Kate’s headache was gone, and she was flooded with a sense of well-2

being. She didn’t know why Justin hadn’t left. She didn’t care. It 3

was enough just to see him there, a bemused smile on his face.

4

“Why are you still here?” Kate said. She knew she was grinning 5

like an idiot, hardly an appropriate reaction. But she couldn’t 6

seem to help herself. And the funny thing was that Justin was 7

smiling, too.

8

“Close the door, Kate.”

9

“What?”

10

“Close the door. There’s something I want to show you.”

11

Her heart beating pleasantly fast, Kate complied. “So what is 12

it?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light. “Don’t keep me in 13

suspense.”

14

“Come over here.” Justin gestured toward the computer screen.

15

“I want you to see something.”

16

Kate walked toward her desk. “What are you —” She broke off 17

in midsentence. There, on the screen, were her notes about Carter 18

Mills, the notes she’d culled from her library research. Uncertain, 19

she stared at Justin.

20

“What is this, Kate?” The words carried a hint of reproach.

21

“Honestly, Justin, I would have told you, but I didn’t want to get 22

you involved. Anyway, I don’t even know what it means. Maybe 23

it’s nothing.”

24

“But you don’t think it’s nothing, do you?”

25

Kate was about to answer when it struck her that there was 26

something very strange about this whole encounter. Why was 27

Justin here? Why was he reading her computer files?

28

“What are you doing? ” Kate asked.

29

Justin didn’t respond. He’d gotten out of his chair. Now, they 30

were standing quite close, with not more than two or three feet be-31

tween them. Kate could see the dark stubble on Justin’s cheeks, the 32

thin layer of perspiration on his upper lip. Then he seemed to be 33

moving toward her. For a confused moment, she thought he was 34 sh

going to embrace her. Which is what she’d wanted all along, and 35 re

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yet for some reason she felt differently now, and she didn’t want 2

him to touch her. Almost involuntarily, she took a quick step back.

3

“Is something wrong, Kate?” The smile had returned to Justin’s 4

lips. “I knew you’d be in today. I waited for you. Aren’t you glad to 5

see me?”

6

“I . . . I . . .” What was going on? Maybe she was really going 7

crazy. Maybe everything that had happened was finally pulling her 8

under. This was Justin, after all. Justin. How could she possibly feel 9

frightened?

10

Kate shook her head and laughed weakly. “I don’t know what’s 11

wrong with me,” she said. “I just had the weirdest feeling —”

12

Again, she broke off in midsentence. There was something that 13

didn’t make sense, and she wanted to figure it out. Distracted, her 14

eyes followed Justin’s hand as he reached into his jacket.

15

It was then that she saw the gun.

16

w

17

Josie dragged her feet down the hallway leading to Kate’s office.

18

Fifteen minutes late today. Kate was going to be mad. It was all be-19

cause of the subway. But why should Kate believe her this time?

20

Kate’s secretary looked up and smiled. “Hi, Josie,” she said.

21

“How’ve you been?”

22

Josie dug a Nike-clad toe into the floor. “I’ve been okay,” she 23

said. “The subway broke down at Forty-second Street. That’s the 24

reason I’m late.”

25

“It’s all right,” Jennifer said, tossing the girl a reassuring smile.

26

“Kate went out a while ago, and she still hasn’t gotten back. She’s 27

the one who’s late this time.”

28

“She is? ” Josie stared at Jennifer, eyes wide.

29

“Yup. Guess you can give her a hard time today, huh?”

30

Josie grinned. Kate was late! For once, she’d really lucked out.

31

Not that she planned to press her luck. This was the very last time 32

she’d be late. Ever.

33

Jennifer gestured toward an empty chair. “Why don’t you sit ort 34

down and wait? I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

reg 35

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They moved down Fifth Avenue, edging through the rush-hour 1

crowds. Justin pressed close against her, his left arm clamped around 2

her waist. In his right hand, shielded by her cape, he jammed the 3

gun into Kate’s side. Her cheek rubbed against Justin’s shoulder.

4

The wool of his coat scratched her skin. Frantically, Kate tried to 5

catch someone’s eye, to signal her distress. But the multitudes swept 6

by unseeing. No one seemed to look her way.

7

Kate’s feet moved mechanically forward, mirroring Justin’s 8

stride. She had no idea what was happening, no idea at all. She 9

went over the facts in her mind, searching for some sort of clue.

10

Justin hadn’t gone away with his girlfriend. Instead, he’d been 11

waiting for her. He’d been reading her notes about Carter Mills.

12

And then he’d pulled out a gun. But the more she thought, the 13

more confusing it seemed until she thought that this must be a 14

dream.

15

A left turn on Forty-fourth Street. Kate had a moment of hope.

16

They were actually headed toward the Harvard Club. The very 17

place Justin had said they were going when Jennifer asked for a 18

number! Approaching the club, Justin’s footsteps slowed, and Kate 19

felt her heart grow lighter. How ridiculous to be scared. Of course, 20

this must be some kind of joke. That was the explanation. Smiling, 21

she glanced up at Justin’s face, looking for confirmation. But 22

Justin’s mouth was a rigid line. The smile faded from Kate’s lips.

23

Justin steered her into the club. Kate glimpsed the club’s entry 24

hall. A man with a very red face and no hair. A woman in a snug 25

brown coat. Quickly they moved past the doorman, toward the 26

wide crimson-carpeted stairs. Words floated up from below. “You 27

know, the last time that I was in Cambridge. . . . ” Then the voices 28

were fading, as they proceeded up the stairs. Kate felt as if she were 29

playing a part. Could this really be happening? As if in answer, she 30

felt the gun, boring into her ribcage. “Justin,” she whispered. “Shut 31

up,” he hissed. The metal bit into her side.

32

Stunned, Kate lapsed into silence, her eyes focused on her 33

shoes. The stairs seemed to go on forever, each landing leading to 34 sh

another set, an endless crimson ascent. Past the club library and 35 re

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reading room, past various meeting rooms. She’d never known 2

there were so many floors. Her eyes were alert, but her mind was 3

blank. And still she kept climbing stairs.

4

They walked down a corridor lined with numbered doors. Lodg-5

ings for club members and guests. These rooms were in great de-6

mand, almost always booked. So where was everyone today? One 7

more flight of stairs and then Justin unlocked a door. Kate caught 8

sight of the number 512 before Justin shoved her inside. She stum-9

bled forward into the room. The door clicked shut behind them.

10

Kate struggled to get her bearings. A spacious if blandly fur-11

nished room. Two armchairs. An armoire. A two-poster double 12

bed. The windows were shrouded in draperies, and Kate couldn’t 13

see outside. But the absence of street noise told her that they 14

couldn’t be facing the street.

15

“What are we doing here?” Kate asked. “Justin, what’s going 16

on?” Now that they’d stopped moving, her fear had abated some-17

what. Some core part of her had burrowed deep inside, where outer 18

events couldn’t reach it.

19

“Sit down, Kate.” Justin was standing with his back to the door, 20

the gun pointed straight at her. He was smiling again, but his eyes 21

were cold.

22

Kate sat down on the side of the bed. The mattress was hard be-23

neath her thighs. A few feet away was a small round table, set for 24

a lovers’ feast. A bottle of champagne. Cheese and fruit. A cut-25

glass vase of red roses. In back of this display, the wall was covered 26

with a dozen or so photographs. Among the hoary likenesses of 27

Harvard alums, a single image jumped out. A beautiful dark-haired 28

woman, one hand outstretched toward the camera. Heart pound-29

ing, Kate stared at the picture. She knew that image, had seen it 30

before. The photo from the red-sealed envelope. The photo she’d 31

given Carter Mills.

32

“That picture. Who is it?” Kate realized she was trembling.

33

Justin’s smile faded. When he spoke, his voice was petulant, the ort 34

voice of a thwarted child. “You know who that is, Kate. She reg 35

brought you to me in the first place.”

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She brought you to me in the first place. What was he talking 1

about? Kate leaned forward uncertainly, her eyes searching Justin’s 2

face.

3

“Justin. It’s me, Kate. Listen. Whatever you think is happening, 4

it’s not like that. You’re imagining things. Please. We can talk 5

about this.” She realized she was pleading, begging Justin to come 6

back. Memories flashed through her mind. Justin bringing her soup 7

the night that Michael walked out. Justin insisting that she inter-8

view at Samson & Mills. He’d always been there when she needed 9

him. He’d always believed in her. Now he was sick. He needed her 10

help. She couldn’t give up on him.

11

Justin was smiling again. “Okay, Kate. What do you want to talk 12

about?”

13

Kate swallowed hard. “Why are you doing this?” she asked. “Did 14

something go wrong with Laura?”

15

Justin gave her an impatient look. Roughly, he rubbed his neck, 16

as if he were trying to clean it. “Nothing went wrong with Laura, 17

Kate. Laura doesn’t exist.”

18

“What do you mean, she doesn’t exist?” Kate’s heart struggled in 19

her chest.

20

“Exactly what I said. She doesn’t exist. I made her up. I needed 21

to know if you loved me. You see, after I killed Madeleine, I wanted 22

to —”

23

Kate stared at Justin. The passage of time seemed to stop.

24

“I didn’t really care about her, you know.” Justin’s tone was con-25

versational, as if what he was saying didn’t much matter. “It was 26

really all about Carter.”

27

“About Carter,” Kate repeated. A hollow place was growing in-28

side her.

29

“Yes, Kate. I killed Carter. Don’t pretend that you didn’t know.

30

You saw me that night. You looked straight at me as I was leaving.”

31

I killed Carter. Kate’s breath locked in her throat. Her mind was 32

spinning. She tried to think but the thoughts wouldn’t come.

33

I killed Carter.

34 sh

Again, she tried to pull him back. “Justin, I have to get back to 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

work. I have a meeting with Josie. They’ll be looking for me. Re-2

member? You told Jennifer exactly where we’d be. This doesn’t 3

make any sense.”

4

“Oh, I’m not worried about that,” Justin said coolly. “D’you 5

think they’re going to search all the guest rooms? Come on, Kate.

6

You’re smarter than that. Don’t you see? That’s the fun of it all.

7

You’ve got to go right up to the edge, and then stop. That’s what 8

makes it exciting. I’m not a criminal, Kate, I’m an artist. ”

9

Justin’s eyes were bright. He was smiling. As if he thought that 10

she’d understand.

11

Suddenly, she had to get away. Her muscles tensed. She poised 12

to spring. Then, just in time, she remembered. The door was 13

chained and locked. She’d never make it out in time. Slowly, she 14

sank back on the mattress. Head down, she took several deep 15

breaths, trying to steady herself. Still the words pounded in her 16

mind. I killed Carter. I killed Carter. It couldn’t be true; it couldn’t.

17

“Why are you saying these things?” Kate’s voice was barely a 18

whisper.

19

Justin bit down on his lower lip, the smile giving way to a scowl.

20

“I had to do it. You know that. I had to do it for her. I had to do it 21

for us. ”

22

Kate could feel her body shaking. Again, the impulse to escape, 23

but this time she couldn’t control it. In an instant, she was on her 24

feet, a scream curled at the base of her throat. But before the sound 25

could emerge, Justin tackled her from above. One hand smashed 26

down on her mouth, the other coiled around her waist. She tried 27

to wrench away, to bite Justin’s hand, to kick, but she couldn’t 28

seem to shake him loose. In one powerful movement, he hurled 29

her down on the bed, and threw himself on top of her. With his 30

right hand, he clapped a piece of cloth down on her face, heavy 31

and damp with some awful smell. And then she was feeling light-32

headed. She made one last effort to escape, but her limbs fell back 33

on the bed. The last thing she saw was Justin’s face, bearing down ort 34

from above.

reg 35

w

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Almost five, and still Kate hadn’t shown up. Josie fidgeted in her 1

seat. Kate an hour late? No way. Not unless something was wrong.

2

“Jennifer?”

3

Jennifer looked up from her fat paperback.

4

“You think something coulda happened to Kate?”

5

Jennifer looked at her kindly. “No, kiddo. But I’m starting to 6

think she forgot you were coming.”

7

“Kate never forgets things like that.”

8

Putting down her book, Jennifer leaned toward Josie. “Things 9

have been really strange around here lately. I don’t know how 10

much you’ve heard about what’s happened. But there were two 11

people killed here. Kate knew both of them pretty well. She’s had 12

a lot on her mind lately. It’s my fault. I should have reminded her 13

you were coming.”

14

Josie didn’t say anything. She was thinking about the people 15

who were killed. “You know where she went?” she said.

16

“They said they were going to the Harvard Club.”

17

Harvard. That was the fancy place Kate went to school. A 18

school for people who were very smart. The kind of people who got 19

jobs here.

20

“The Harvard Club,” Josie said, testing the words in her mouth.

21

“Where’s that?”

22

“I’m not sure. Somewhere around here, I think.”

23

“Oh.”

24

“Listen, Josie. Why don’t you just go home? I’ll tell Kate you 25

were here.”

26

Josie stared at the carpet, thinking. When she looked up, her 27

mouth was set.

28

“I think I’ll just stay here and wait,” she said.

29

w

30

Her eyes fluttered open. Too groggy to turn her head, Kate stared 31

at the printed bedspread. Fuzzy patches of mauve and green swam 32

against a cream-colored background. The room was hot. Music 33

played in the background. Something weird and dissonant and 34 sh

modern. She was conscious of a pounding headache and a punish-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

ing thirst. Everything was hazy. She needed to find her glasses.

2

Confused, she tried to sit up. But something stopped her from 3

moving. She tried to speak, to cry out, but her mouth seemed to be 4

stuffed with cotton.

5

“How are you feeling, Kate?” Justin’s voice sounded far away.

6

“You know, I didn’t want to tie you up like this, but you didn’t 7

leave me much choice.”

8

Kate tried to remember what had happened. She’d been so glad 9

that Justin had canceled his trip. He’d been in her office, waiting.

10

But at that point something went wrong. She’d tried to escape, 11

that was it, tried to get away from Justin. But no, that couldn’t be 12

right . . .

13

“I’ve been doing some thinking.” Justin was speaking again.

14

Kate felt the mattress dip as he sat down on the bed beside her. She 15

could smell his familiar scent, wool mixed with some woodsy soap.

16

“Maybe I’ve been unfair. I thought that you’d understand. I didn’t 17

think I’d have to explain. But maybe that was asking too much.

18

What do you think, Kate? Have I expected too much of you?”

19

The bedside lamp sent out a pool of light. She must have been 20

asleep for hours. Now Justin was stroking her hair. He gave her an 21

appraising glance. The sort of look a parent might give a disobedi-22

ent but beloved child.

23

“I’d like us to be able to talk,” he said. “But you have to promise 24

to be quiet. There’s no reason to be frightened. You have to let me 25

explain, okay?”

26

Kate nodded, her face hot against the stiff bedspread. Memories 27

had begun to drift back. She was at the Harvard Club. Justin had 28

brought her here. He’d pulled out a gun, forced her to come to this 29

room. She knew she should be afraid, and maybe she was a little, 30

but not nearly as much as she should be. A fog swirled through her 31

mind. Nothing was clear anymore.

32

Justin stood up from the bed. A few feet away, Kate heard him 33

open a closet door. There was a rustling of fabric, as if he were look-ort 34

ing for something. Then he was back beside her. Kate saw that he reg 35

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3 2 7

was holding a knife in one hand. In the other, he still held the gun.

1

Kate watched Justin, mesmerized. The fog seemed to waver, to dis-2

sipate, as a shot of adrenaline raced through her.

3

Justin leaned down from above. “Be still, Kate. I don’t want to 4

hurt you.” The knife’s cold tip edged under the fabric strip wrapped 5

around her mouth. With one quick movement, Justin sliced 6

through the cloth. Then, putting down the knife, he reached into 7

her mouth and removed the soft mass stuffed inside. The gun still 8

pointed at her head.

9

Kate’s body sagged in relief. “Thank you,” she whispered. Her 10

throat was raw. “May I have something to drink?”

11

“Of course.” Justin was sitting in a chair beside the bed. He 12

picked up a glass and tilted it toward her lips. Kate took a long sip, 13

then started to choke. Instead of the water she’d expected, she got 14

what tasted like a mouthful of acid. She clamped her eyes shut, as 15

if willing herself back to sleep. Hot tears sprang up beneath her 16

eyelids.

17

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Justin was touching her face, tracing a 18

tear’s wet trail. “Don’t you like champagne?”

19

Champagne. A dark chasm was opening inside her. She felt her-20

self teetering on the brink. “Could I just have some water, please?”

21

she said. “I’m awfully thirsty right now.”

22

Justin looked at her quizzically. But he got up and walked over to 23

the table. Then he was back at her side, handing her a tumbler of 24

water. He watched as she quickly drained it.

25

“More?”

26

Kate shook her head. “No. I’m fine now.” But of course she 27

wasn’t; she wasn’t fine at all. Now that the fog had burned off her 28

mind, she was conscious of a growing terror. What was she going to 29

do? She had to come up with a plan. She had to calm down, to 30

think . If she could just keep Justin talking. At least that would buy 31

her some time. Desperately, Kate pored over Justin’s words, search-32

ing for something to take hold of. I needed to do it for her. I needed 33

to do it for us.

34 sh

35 re

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1

Kate took a long, ragged breath. “I know you did it for us,” she 2

began. “But I want to understand more. Can you tell me about 3

what happened?”

4

Right away, Justin’s face relaxed. She could see she was on the 5

right track. “I thought that you knew,” he said. “I was sure that you 6

knew.”

7

Kate shook her head from side to side. “No, really I don’t,” she 8

said. “Please. You’ll have to explain.”

9

w

10

“I don’t know where she is. She should have been back by four.”

11

Cathy Valencia bit her lip. She’d been running late all day, had 12

cut short another meeting to rush over here. But there was no 13

point in taking out her frustration on Kate’s secretary, a pretty 14

young woman with spectacular hair.

15

“Well, thanks for your help, Ms. —”

16

“Torricelli. Jennifer Torricelli. Would you like to leave her a 17

note?”

18

Looking down at her watch, Valencia saw it was after five.

19

“Yeah, maybe that’s the best option,” she said. “She’s been pretty 20

hard to catch up with.”

21

Valencia was gazing at a blank sheet of paper, when she sensed 22

someone standing behind her. Turning, she saw a teenaged girl, 23

staring at her intently. The girl’s brown eyes were enormous. She 24

clearly had something to say.

25

“I think we should look for her,” the teenager said. “I’m pretty 26

sure something’s happened.”

27

w

28

Justin was singing along with the opera. Something in German, 29

she thought. Then he stopped and met her eyes.

30

“It didn’t have to be like this,” he said.

31

They were sitting up now, Kate on the bed, Justin on a nearby 32

chair. Kate held a glass of champagne. She’d eaten three strawber-33

ries and a water biscuit spread with some kind of cheese. Every-ort 34

thing tasted like chalk.

reg 35

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 2 9

with resentment. “I tried to talk to him. But he just wouldn’t lis-1

ten.”

2

Kate nodded gravely, as if she understood.

3

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Justin said. Slack-jawed, he stared at 4

the photograph, the dark-haired woman on the wall. The phrase 5

fugue state fluttered in Kate’s mind, the relic of a college psych 6

course. Furtively, she checked Justin’s right hand. But his grip on 7

the gun held fast.

8

“You left her picture for me, didn’t you? On my desk. You 9

wanted me to see her.”

10

Still gazing at the picture, Justin nodded. “I didn’t want you to 11

think that I’d forgotten.”

12

“No,” Kate said. “Of course not.” Her eyes shifted to the 13

woman’s picture, then back to Justin again.

14

“It’s a wonderful photograph,” Kate said. “Why don’t you tell me 15

about her?”

16

Justin shrugged. “What do you say about your mother? Where 17

do you want me to start?”

18

“Your mother?” Kate tried to conceal her shock. “But that 19

woman isn’t your mother. I’ve met your mother, remember? At our 20

law school graduation. Her name is Sarah. She’s tall and blond, 21

and she doesn’t look anything like that photograph.”

22

“Sarah isn’t my mother, Kate.” Justin seemed almost amused.

23

“She’s just the woman who adopted me. My real mother died.

24

Sarah was my counselor. In the group home where I lived. Sarah 25

Llewellyn. That was her name when I first met her, before she got 26

married I mean. I used to call her Screw-ellen. Then she became 27

Sarah Daniels, old Screw-ellen did. But why am I telling you that?

28

You already know that, Kate.” Justin laughed, an odd gulping 29

sound. “She thought I had potential. That’s why she adopted me.

30

And she was right, too. Just not the kind she was talking about.”

31

Kate opened her mouth to protest, then clamped it shut again.

32

The room seemed suddenly hotter, filled with a shimmering haze.

33

Of course, she’d known that Sarah Daniels was a child psycholo-34 sh

gist, that she was working on a book about adoption. This part of 35 re

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3 3 0

A M Y G U T M A N

1

Justin’s story had the ring of truth. And if this part were 2

true . . . But she wouldn’t think about that, not now.

3

“They made me go talk to Sarah ’cause I was a bad kid. ” Justin 4

seemed to relish the words. “I was heading nowhere fast, that’s 5

what they said. At first, I didn’t want to talk to her. She was just 6

another asshole social worker. Another do-gooder who didn’t 7

know shit.”

8

Even the cadence of Justin’s voice had changed. Kate thought 9

crazily of The Exorcist. Linda Blair. Split pea soup. Justin’s head 10

turning round and round.

11

“I don’t know why I was even listening that day, the day that 12

everything started,” Justin said. “Maybe I was just too hung over to 13

do anything else besides listen. But she said this thing. She said 14

that I had to have goals. I remember when she said that, something 15

clicked. It was like my mother — my real mother — was there, 16

helping me to get on with my life. The plan didn’t come all at 17

once. But that’s when it started. That’s when everything started.”

18

“Your mother. The woman in the picture.” Kate tried to sound 19

detached, but her voice was shaking. “What happened to her?”

20

If Justin heard what she said, he didn’t acknowledge it. “She was 21

just nineteen when she moved to New York. Nineteen. Do you 22

know how young that is?” His head snapped around to Kate. He 23

glared at her, as if expecting an answer.

24

“It’s very young,” Kate faltered.

25

Again, Justin didn’t seem to hear her. “She worked as a waitress.

26

To pay the bills, I mean. Really, she was an actress. That’s why 27

she’d moved to the city. And she was good, too. I’ve talked to the -

28

people who knew her then. She could have been a real success.

29

She could have done anything. You can tell that from looking at 30

her picture. But then he had to ruin everything. He told her he 31

loved her, and she believed him. That was her only mistake. She 32

thought he was telling the truth.”

33

At that instant, she knew. “You’re talking about Carter Mills.”

ort 34

Justin smiled at Kate, the old lopsided grin. “Of course I am, reg 35

Kate,” he said. “I’m talking about my father.”

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3 3 1

My father.

1

The words thundered in her mind. Kate tried to turn away, but 2

she couldn’t stop staring at Justin’s face. Slowly, like some sort of 3

trick drawing, the similarities began to emerge. The strong eye-4

brows, the perfect teeth, the square-cut jaw. She couldn’t believe 5

it. Wouldn’t believe it. At the same time, she knew it was true.

6

Justin was Carter Mills’s son.

7

A fire was burning in her brain. Still, she pressed ahead. She 8

needed to know everything. She needed to know the truth.

9

“Your mother,” she said. The words came out in a whisper. “Her 10

name was Maria, wasn’t it? Maria Bernini. The M on that red wax 11

seal. The letter stood for her name.”

12

“Very good, Kate. I was sure you’d figure it out.”

13

Fragments of what she’d read at the library flooded back through 14

Kate’s mind. The single mother. The antique gun. The child found 15

bound and gagged.

16

“And you . . . you saw Carter kill her?” Her mouth was so dry 17

she could barely speak.

18

“I don’t remember, ” Justin said. His voice had taken on a slightly 19

petulant tone. “I was only four years old. You know that. You read 20

about it in the papers. I don’t remember. I only know what they 21

told me.”

22

Kate pressed on. “What?” she said. “What did they tell you?”

23

Justin sighed, an elaborate, manufactured sound, a child putting 24

on a show. “My mother’s friend told me what happened. Her 25

name’s Elizabeth. She took me in after Mama died. But then I got 26

to be too much for her” — here he gave a strange, cold smile —

27

“and she had to give me away. The thing is, it’s not like he exactly 28

killed her. I mean, if he had, I could just have turned him in, right?

29

That would have done the trick. He should have killed her himself.

30

That would have been more honest. Instead, he let someone else 31

do it for him. That’s how he operates.”

32

“You mean he hired someone to kill Maria? To kill your mother, 33

I mean.”

34 sh

Justin was starting to pout. “No, Kate. That’s not what I’m say-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

ing.” Again, he sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell you. This is how it hap-2

pened. Mama had to work to support us. She was very proud. My 3

father never knew that she was pregnant. She didn’t want him to 4

know. That’s what Elizabeth said. Anyway, after I was born, Mama 5

worked all the time. She stopped trying for acting jobs. She was go-6

ing to school, to be a nurse. And she was working in the diner.

7

Then, one night, she was coming home late. She’d just picked me 8

up down the street. Someone followed us in. He did things to her, 9

you know?”

10

“Yes,” Kate said, her mind moving sickeningly to Madeleine 11

Waters, on whom similar horrors had been visited.

12

“Then he found this gun that she’d had. It was an old gun, some-13

thing my father had given her years earlier to use for protection.

14

She’d been followed a lot, you know. It was a pretty rough neigh-15

borhood, where we lived. And she was so pretty. Beautiful, really.

16

That night, she must have managed to pull out the gun. She was 17

trying to protect herself. And me.”

18

Justin leaned toward Kate. She could feel his breath, warm and 19

faintly sweet, on her face. “Funny, isn’t it? The gun was supposed to 20

protect her. But instead, she ended up dead.”

21

Kate felt as if she’d stepped inside Justin’s mind. She could see 22

exactly what had happened. In some insane way, it had all started 23

to make sense. “You blamed Carter for her death,” she said. “And 24

that’s why you killed him.”

25

“That’s right,” Justin said, pleased. “That’s exactly why I did it.

26

To make up to her for what happened. If it weren’t for him, she’d 27

still be alive. Remember, Kate? How we talked about that in law 28

school. The problem of causation. Where can you fix legal blame?

29

Well, sometimes the law doesn’t go far enough. So someone else 30

has to step in to make things right. This time, that someone was 31

me. My father gave my mother the gun. It was because of him that 32

she lived in that crappy walk-up. Everything that happened to her 33

was because of him. He was the ‘but for’ cause of my mother’s ort 34

death, isn’t that what we called it in school? If it weren’t for him, reg 35

she’d be alive today. That’s why I had to destroy him.”

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 3 3

Fleetingly, Kate wondered at Justin’s collapse, how every-1

thing — law and death and family ties — had been woven into 2

one delusion. How Justin’s breakdown was not without its own 3

weird logic.

4

“And Madeleine,” Kate said. “Why did you have to kill her?”

5

“That came later. After I got to Samson & Mills. When I saw 6

her, I knew right away. She looked like my mother, you know. I 7

knew that he’d tried to replace her. I could hardly stand to look at 8

her. But I forced myself. Even asked to work for her, remember?

9

Then it came to me, how she could be part of my plan. How I could 10

kill Madeleine and make it look like he had done it.”

11

“And the . . . the things you did to her? Why? Is it because that’s 12

what they did to your mother?”

13

Justin gave Kate an angry look. “Not exactly,” he said. “I didn’t 14

make Madeleine suffer. I killed her right off. Shot her through the 15

head while she was still unconscious. That’s not how it happened 16

with my mother. She was awake for all of it. She was awake and she 17

felt everything. Everything. ” A sheen of perspiration covered 18

Justin’s face. Veins bulged out from his neck. Fear bubbled up in-19

side, but Kate forced herself to keep going. At least if she kept 20

Justin talking, he couldn’t do anything else.

21

“The gun,” she said. “It was the same one used to kill your 22

mother. How did you manage to get hold of it?”

23

Justin seemed pleased by the question. He gave a modest shrug, 24

his mouth turned up in a small, tight smile. “It wasn’t really that 25

hard. I did some detective work, made some phone calls. The gun 26

was a valuable one, some sort of family heirloom. After the police 27

were done with it, my granddaddy James made sure he got it back.

28

Disgusting, isn’t it? That’s all he cared about. Getting back his stu-29

pid antique. By this time, though, old James had kicked the 30

bucket. So I called my father, pretended to be a collector. Turns out 31

he’d donated it to some historical museum. A small outfit near 32

Boston. Almost no security at all. During our last year of law 33

school, I made a little field trip. That’s when I got it back.”

34 sh

Justin paused for a moment, reflective. “I was worried about tak-35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

ing on Madeleine. Thought I might be going too far. But now I’m 2

glad I did it. The other things, too.”

3

“Other things?” Kate said faintly.

4

“Oh, nothing to speak of. Though I did have a lot of fun.” Justin 5

laughed. “This one thing I did. You’ll get a kick out of this. You 6

know how the firm compensates partners, the lockstep draw? Well, 7

there was this secret move to do away with it, to give bigger shares 8

to the rainmakers. I found this memo in Carter’s computer, ex-9

plaining everything. I forwarded the memo to McCarty. Made it 10

look like Drescher had sent it. Too bad I couldn’t see their reac-11

tions.”

12

The lockstep system. That, too, was Justin’s doing. He’d gotten 13

access to Carter’s files. Just as he had to her own. And probably 14

Madeleine’s as well. It explained so much. His vast store of knowl-15

edge about Samson & Mills. His knowledge of Madeleine. . . .

16

In the background, Justin gave another laugh. The sound 17

snapped Kate from her thoughts. The fear that had been weirdly 18

dormant now blasted through with new force. My God! She had to 19

do something, she had to get away. But what could she do? She 20

tested the bonds around her wrists and feet, but they were wound 21

tight. If she screamed, Justin would be on her instantly. Her only 22

hope was to make contact, to break through his fantasy world.

23

“Justin, you have to stop this. Please. Untie me. Let me go.” As 24

she spoke, Kate realized she was crying, hot tears pouring down her 25

cheeks. The irony crashed in on her. For years now, she’d tried to 26

control her own life. Every decision she’d made, every step she’d 27

taken, had all been with that end in mind. And where had it led?

28

To this moment, where she lay bound and powerless, completely at 29

Justin’s mercy.

30

Justin’s eyes had gone back to the picture. “The moment I saw 31

you, I knew,” he said dreamily. “Do you remember, Kate? In the law 32

school commons? You were having lunch. A tuna sandwich on rye 33

and a Diet Coke. You looked just like her. I came over to your table.

ort 34

You asked me to sit down. After that, I knew we’d be together.”

reg 35

Desperately, Kate searched his face, seeking some spark of re-9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 335

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 3 5

cognition. “But we were friends, Justin. Just friends. Always good 1

friends. Remember? I was going out with Michael. Michael and I 2

were going to be married.”

3

Justin had gone back to stroking her hair. “I had to put a stop to 4

that,” he said. “I’m sorry you had to suffer. But I had no choice.”

5

Kate felt a prickling beneath her clothes. “But Michael broke up 6

with me,” she said. Her voice was no more than a whisper.

7

Justin’s hand stopped moving. “Come on, Kate. Think,” he said 8

impatiently. “Who told you about Ingrid and Michael?”

9

All air seemed to drain from the room. No, it couldn’t be, it 10

couldn’t be. But her mind was already traveling back, back to the 11

day Justin told her he’d seen Michael kissing Ingrid. She hadn’t be-12

lieved it at first. Michael and Ingrid were simply friends, colleagues 13

on Law Review. There had to be some mistake. But Justin knew 14

what he’d seen. When she’d confronted Michael, he’d denied it 15

outright. But she’d kept at him day after day. Until, finally, a week 16

or so later, he’d simply walked away. And that had been the end.

17

“It was all so easy,” Justin mused. “After I’d gotten rid of 18

Michael, I just had to get you to Samson & Mills. And that almost 19

took care of itself.”

20

w

21

Valencia had already checked the dining rooms, the second-floor 22

library and reading room. Overstuffed chairs and stuffed shirts. The 23

Harvard Club was just what she’d expected. Except for one thing: 24

no sign of Kate Paine. She returned to the registration desk.

25

“I’m sorry, but no one by that name is staying here.”

26

Valencia sighed. “Okay, then. Thanks anyway.”

27

She headed for the cloakroom to collect her coat. She told her-28

self that she’d done everything she could, gone well beyond the 29

call of duty. Anyway, there was probably some explanation. Kate 30

had only been gone a couple of hours. Hardly a lengthy absence.

31

But somehow, the thought didn’t reassure her.

32

w

33

The minutes flowed into hours; the words poured out endlessly.

34 sh

Now Justin was talking about his childhood: the foster parents who 35 re

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beat him, the years of addiction, the escalating petty thefts. And 2

then the new life he’d embarked on as Justin Daniels. The perfect 3

son of perfect parents.

4

“I was such an ideal candidate for the Ivy League,” he said, nos-5

talgically. “Just think of the obstacles I’d overcome!”

6

Kate gazed at him without speaking. She’d tried everything now.

7

Nothing had worked. A childhood prayer floated up from the past, 8

the prayer she’d said before sleep. Keep me safe all through the night, 9

and wake me with the sunshine bright.

10

And then she had an idea. A long shot, but worth a try.

11

“Justin,” Kate said. “I really need to use the bathroom.” Her 12

heart was pounding so hard, she imagined that Justin must hear it.

13

“It’s been a long time,” she said. “And after all that water and 14

champagne . . .”

15

Frowning, Justin studied her face. She could read the suspicion 16

in his eyes. She’d almost given up hope when he abruptly stood up 17

from the bed. “All right, then,” he said. “But don’t try anything. I’ll 18

be right here waiting.” With the gun still pointing at her chest, 19

Justin cut through the bonds on her feet. Kate hoisted her legs over 20

the side of the bed and sat up. She slid awkwardly to the edge of 21

the mattress, her wrists still bound together. The blood coursed 22

down through her ankles and into her tingling feet. Just inches 23

away, she saw her glasses lying on the bedside table.

24

Well, at least this was a start. Standing on shaky legs, Kate 25

glanced toward a closed door across the room.

26

“Is that —”

27

“Yes,” said Justin. “It’s right through there.”

28

Kate took a couple more steps before turning back toward 29

Justin. “Uh, this is a little embarrassing.” She tried to sound girlish 30

and shy. “But do you think you could . . .” She raised her bound 31

hands a few inches. “I can’t . . . you know.”

32

Justin hesitated a moment, as if making up his mind. Then, with 33

a shrug, he stepped forward and cut through the tightly wound ort 34

bindings.

reg 35

She was free!

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It was all she could do not to rush for the door. But she managed to 1

control the impulse. Slowly she crossed the room. Turning to close 2

the door, she caught sight of Justin’s face.

3

A moment of frozen silence.

4

Then everything happened at once.

5

With a roar, Justin lunged forward. Kate slammed shut the door.

6

“Open up, Kate.” Justin’s voice shook with rage. The door shud-7

dered under his fists. But all of it came too late.

8

She’d already turned the lock.

9

w

10

As she emerged from the Harvard Club, Cathy Valencia almost 11

stumbled over the girl waiting on the sidewalk.

12

“Did you find her? Is she okay?”

13

The teenager from Kate Paine’s office. Josie, that was her name.

14

Valencia touched the girl’s shoulder. “She’s not in there. But I’m 15

sure she’s fine.”

16

Josie looked at her hard. “Something happened,” she said stub-17

bornly. “Otherwise, Kate would have been there today.”

18

Valencia was about to demur when she saw Josie’s fixed expres-19

sion. She decided to change her tactics. Maybe she could reassure 20

both Josie and herself. Intuition was one thing. Cops relied on it 21

all the time. But it had to have some basis in fact.

22

Reaching into her purse, Valencia pulled out her cell phone.

23

“For all we know, she’s already back at the office.”

24

By now, she knew the Samson number by heart. She dialed and 25

asked for Kate Paine’s office. Hello, this is the phone mail system. The 26

party you have reached — midway through the recording Valencia 27

ended the call.

28

Josie looked at her inquiringly. “Maybe she just went home,” Va-29

lencia said, trying to convey a calm she didn’t feel.

30

She had Kate’s home number on speed dial. But the answering 31

machine picked up.

32

Josie stared at the facade of the Harvard Club. “Maybe you 33

should check there again. Maybe you just didn’t see her.”

34 sh

Someone tapped Valencia’s shoulder. A worried middle-aged 35 re

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man. Then she realized who he was, the registration clerk from in-2

side. “I just got a call from upstairs,” he said. “Someone walking by 3

Room 512 — they just heard a woman scream. The guest’s name is 4

Robert Bernini. I think there’s a young lady with him.”

5

But Valencia was already gone, bounding toward the stairs in-6

side.

7

w

8

“Help! Help!” Kate screamed as loud as she could. But the walls 9

were thick. There were no windows. Her voice seemed to bounce 10

off the tiles.

11

A crashing thud and then a grunt.

12

The entire room seemed to shake. She realized that it must be 13

Justin, hurling his weight against the door. A short silence and 14

then another crash. But this time, Kate also heard a splintering of 15

wood, as if the door had started to give way. Trembling, she shrank 16

back toward the shower stall. But there was really nowhere to go.

17

Wildly, Kate searched for some way out, for something to pro-18

tect herself. Without her glasses she had to squint. But in the 19

blurry confines of the bathroom, she saw nothing that would serve 20

as a weapon. A sink. A mirror. A wastebasket imprinted with the 21

Harvard Club crest. Reaching over the sink, Kate took hold of the 22

mirror, strained to hoist it off the wall, But the frame wouldn’t 23

budge. It was firmly affixed on all sides.

24

Another immense blow to the door.

25

Kate renewed her cries. “Help!” Why wasn’t anyone coming?

26

At the top of the door, it seemed as if the hinges had started to 27

pull loose. But the door was solid, how could this be? Adrenaline 28

flooded Kate’s body.

29

Then her eyes lit on a small glass shelf, suspended over the sink.

30

In an instant, she’d swept off its contents. With both hands, she 31

grabbed and yanked.

32

With the next blow, Kate heard a cracking sound, and then frag-33

ments of wood flew by. Through a jagged break in the door, Kate ort 34

saw Justin’s hand, reaching, grasping the lock. Raising the glass reg 35

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charged through the open door, Kate smashed the shelf down on 1

his head.

2

Blood gushed down Justin’s face; he let out a piercing cry. He 3

briefly staggered back before lunging toward her again. Then his 4

hands were around Kate’s neck, and he was squeezing tighter and 5

tighter. Kate made a futile jab at Justin with the glass fragment still 6

in her hand. He must have put down the gun. If she could only . . .

7

But her thoughts were growing dimmer. The glass fell to the floor.

8

As if from a very great distance, she heard it shatter below. Colors 9

exploded behind Kate’s eyes. Then everything started to fade.

10

A banging sound. Very close by. The pressure around her neck 11

slackened. Gasping for breath, Kate collapsed toward the sink, des-12

perately clawing for support. But before she could regain her bal-13

ance, Justin was on her again. As he wrestled her into a headlock, 14

cold metal bored into her scalp.

15

“Put down the gun. Now.” Through her own harsh breathing, 16

Kate heard the woman’s voice, just yards from where they stood.

17

Pleadingly, Kate looked at Justin. His pupils were twin black holes.

18

For a long moment, his eyes bored into hers. Kate felt as if she were 19

falling. Then something flickered in Justin’s eyes, some brief spark 20

of recognition. Wrenching his gaze from Kate, he took an unsteady 21

step back. Before Kate knew what was happening, he’d jammed 22

the gun in his mouth. An instant of total stillness.

23

Then the whole world seemed to explode.

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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Friday, January 29

2

3

The phone message light was blinking as Kate walked into her of-4

fice. One week ago, in another lifetime, she would have immedi-5

ately responded to its call. Today, she let it go. It was a little before 6

one. She’d come by to pack up, to collect what she needed of her 7

personal effects. The rest would be sent home later. Tara had urged 8

her to put it off. After all, she was still reeling from the shock of last 9

night. Her arms and face were bruised, her body sore. She hadn’t 10

slept at all. Still, she had to come in today. She wanted to get it 11

over.

12

Expertly, Kate folded together a cardboard box, a task she’d 13

done hundreds of times before while preparing for hearings and 14

depositions. This time, however, she was packing up her own be-15

longings. She started in with books. Farnsworth on Contracts.

16

Tribe on Constitutional Law. Miller on Civil Procedure. These were ort 17

volumes from her personal library, acquired during her years in law reg 18

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3 4 1

gia. How hopeful she’d been when she bought these texts. They’d 1

seemed to hold the keys to a new life. She’d made it through Har-2

vard Law School. Made it to Samson & Mills. She’d fought so hard 3

every step of the way. Was this part of her life really over? It still 4

just wouldn’t sink in.

5

There was a sound at the door. Turning to look behind her, Kate 6

met Andrea’s eyes. For a moment they looked at each other. Then 7

Andrea broke the silence.

8

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “If I’d had any idea . . .”

9

Kate didn’t say anything. She was vaguely surprised to see An-10

drea, but that was all. Her emotions had been used up.

11

Andrea lingered in the doorway. “Can I come in?” she said. “I 12

really need to explain.”

13

Kate stood up and brushed off the legs of her blue jeans. “Yeah, 14

sure.” she said. “Have a seat if you can find one.”

15

Andrea moved a stack of dusty papers from a chair to the book-16

case and sat down. She was wearing a stylish brown pantsuit that 17

Kate had never seen before.

18

“I thought you were in Chile,” Kate said.

19

Andrea shook her head.

20

“So where were you?” Kate asked finally, curiosity kicking in.

21

Andrea studied her freshly manicured hands, as if they might 22

hold the answer. Then she looked back at Kate. “Madeleine’s 23

death really spooked me. At first, I thought I’d get over it. That it 24

would take me a week or so. But after the memorial service, I real-25

ized that wouldn’t happen. I needed to get away, to figure out what 26

was going on. That’s why I took time off.”

27

Kate looked at her, disbelieving. “Why didn’t you just tell me 28

that?”

29

“I don’t know.” Andrea looked up. “Now I can see how strange 30

it seems. But at the time . . . I didn’t want to talk about it. I just 31

needed to clear my head. Brent and I started talking about the fu-32

ture. Where we are now and where we want to be. I realized that I 33

wasn’t sure anymore that this was the place for me. And then I 34 sh

started to get paranoid. I kept thinking about Marcia Weygand.

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How, once they found out she was job hunting, they had her work-2

ing around the clock on all these crappy assignments. Then when 3

the holidays came, she didn’t even get her bonus. I just didn’t want 4

to risk something like that. Please. Try to understand.”

5

Kate looked at Andrea, a sense of sadness welling up inside her.

6

The fact was, she did sort of understand. She didn’t want to, but 7

she did. For all their late-night camaraderie, she and Andrea had 8

never really been close friends, not in the way she and Tara were.

9

What they’d been was allies, comrades in a hard-fought campaign.

10

Members of the same battalion. But intimate friends? What did 11

she really know about Andrea? A few biographical facts. Her tastes 12

in sushi and Chinese food. The fact that she liked to travel.

13

Andrea’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Your glasses,” she 14

said. “I’ve never seen you without them.”

15

Kate shrugged. “They’re somewhere at the Harvard Club, I 16

guess. I’m wearing contacts today.”

17

Andrea was still staring at her, a quizzical expression on her face.

18

“You remind me of someone,” she said.

19

Kate quickly changed the subject. “So, did you go away at all?”

20

she asked.

21

Andrea shook her head. “We just stayed put. I needed some 22

time to think. Brent and I both did, really. We did some research, 23

made some calls. We figured we have enough savings to travel for 24

six months or so. Maybe a year if we find work along the way.”

25

“So you’re actually doing it? You’re leaving Samson & Mills?”

26

“I gave notice today, actually. Next Friday’s my last day. Nor-27

mally, I’d have given more notice, but with everything going 28

on . . . , well, I figured they’d let it pass.”

29

“I would think so,” Kate said dryly.

30

Outside, the sky was a rich, deep blue. The Statue of Liberty 31

floated in the distant harbor.

32

“So how are you feeling?” Andrea said hesitantly. “I understand 33

if you don’t want to talk about it. I mean, Justin. God. You and he ort 34

were . . .”

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“Yes,” Kate said quickly. She didn’t want to hear what Andrea 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 343

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 4 3

would say next. She felt as if she might start to cry. “We were. But 1

I’m doing okay. I think it’s just going to take time. I still can’t really 2

believe what happened.”

3

“No,” Andrea said. “Neither can I.”

4

“It’s like things are never what you think they are. Here’s an-5

other weird thing. I’d been getting these e-mails. Someone claim-6

ing to have information about the firm. I’d actually made plans to 7

meet the sender. Last night at the Royalton. But you know who it 8

turned out to be ? Douglas Macauley. This practical joker guy I’d 9

gone out with once. I’d stopped returning his calls. Well, he talked 10

to my friend Tara — she’d fixed me up with him in the first 11

place — and figured out I was obsessed with what was happening 12

here. He came up with an invitation he thought I couldn’t refuse.”

13

Andrea’s eyes widened. “That seems a little extreme,” she said.

14

Kate gave a faint smile. “Yeah, well. That’s just the sort of guy 15

he is.”

16

Another long pause.

17

“So what will you do?” Andrea finally asked. “Have you had 18

time to make any plans?”

19

Kate twisted the ruby ring on her right forefinger. It had been 20

with her through everything. “I’m leaving as well,” she said.

21

“They’re giving me a leave of absence. But I can’t imagine coming 22

back.”

23

“Will you be okay for money?”

24

“Yeah, I don’t really have much student loan debt. Before my 25

mother died, she set up this trust. It pretty much covered my edu-26

cation. Living expenses, too. After school, I sort of forgot about it.

27

I get these statements from my mother’s brokerage house. But I 28

haven’t really paid much attention. Maybe it was a way of pre-29

tending she wasn’t really dead.” Again, Kate studied the ruby ring.

30

She remembered how excited she’d been when she unwrapped it 31

on her sixteenth birthday, how pleased her mother had been.

32

“Anyway, last night, I opened the most recent statement. And 33

there’s . . . there’s a lot of money there now. Enough to take care of 34 sh

me for a couple of years, at least.”

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Kate looked up. Andrea was staring at her, incredulous.

2

“What?” Kate said.

3

Andrea shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t . . . You mean 4

you were working here, and you didn’t have to? I mean, I just as-5

sumed you were here like I was, to pay off loans, to get a little cash 6

together. But if that wasn’t it, then why? ”

7

Kate gave her a rueful smile. “That’s one of the things I’ll have 8

to think about,” she said. The past seemed to swim through her 9

mind. Her campus interview with Carter Mills. The day she ar-10

rived at Samson. Late nights in the conference room with Andrea, 11

giggling over Chinese food and endless mountains of work.

12

Michael. Justin. The hopes and fears of a lifetime, all now to be re-13

examined.

14

Again, Kate looked out the window, at the blue of the water and 15

sky. This really was the end. She felt another surge of sadness.

16

“There’s an amazing view from this office,” she said.

17

From behind, she heard Andrea rise from her chair, come 18

around to stand behind her. “I’ll tell you a secret, Kate,” she said.

19

“It looks just the same from outside.”

20

21

22

Two hours later, the boxes packed, Kate waited for a porter to col-23

lect them. In the meantime, she checked her messages. Just two 24

calls. The first was from someone in personnel, calling to arrange 25

her exit interview. The second was from Peyton. “Hi, Kate. I 26

wanted to let you know that the Thorpe case settled today. Thanks 27

for all your good work. Oh, and sorry we’ll be losing you. Good 28

luck.”

29

Slowly, Kate hung up the phone. Thanks for all your good work.

30

So the Thorpe case was over. There was sure to be a story there.

31

Briefly, she wondered what had happened. Then she realized she 32

didn’t really care.

33

Only one thing left to be done. Kate stared at a thin white en-ort 34

velope, the sole object left on her desk. Without looking, she knew reg 35

what was inside. The single gold cuff link from beneath her desk.

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3 4 5

A cuff link once worn by Chuck Thorpe. It wasn’t much in the way 1

of evidence. Still, it was a beginning. Again, she picked up the 2

phone.

3

“District attorney’s office.”

4

Kate took a deep breath. “I want to report a sexual assault, some-5

thing that happened to me. Can you tell me who I should talk to?”

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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Saturday, January 30

2

3

Kate examined herself in the mirror. First the front, then the back 4

of her head. She turned to Hercules, beaming.

5

“I love it!” she said.

6

Hercules studied her appraisingly. “You said you wanted a change,”

7

he said. “I know I cut off more than you asked for, but it’s exactly what 8

I had in mind. I always thought short hair would suit you.”

9

Again, Kate looked in the mirror. Her hair, wispy around her 10

face, was short as a boy’s. And yet it didn’t look unfeminine. She 11

thought of the French word gamine. Of Audrey Hepburn. Winona 12

Ryder. Not that she looked like them. Or anyone for that matter.

13

The person she looked like was herself. For the first time that she 14

could remember.

15

“ You’re a genius,” she said to Hercules.

16

He lowered his head. “I know.”

ort 17

She was pulling on her coat, preparing to leave, when Hercules reg 18

edged up from the side.

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3 4 7

“I read in the papers about what happened,” he said. “I hope 1

you’re doing okay.”

2

“Yeah. Well. I guess it’ll take a while.”

3

“You know the last time you were here, I was worried. That was 4

right after —”

5

“I know,” Kate said.

6

“It’s just that you looked so much like her. I couldn’t figure it 7

out.”

8

Kate looked at him sadly. “Did everyone see it but me?”

9

Hercules shrugged. He seemed a little embarrassed. “Listen,” he 10

said. “I have a show that’s starting next Thursday. In a gallery a few 11

blocks from here. I’ve got some passes for the opening. If you’re in-12

terested.” She could tell he was trying to sound casual. But it obvi-13

ously meant a lot. With a shudder Kate thought of the mutilated 14

dolls, the banged-up Lincoln Log cabins. But who was she to 15

judge? Whatever she thought of his creations, Hercules had fol-16

lowed his heart.

17

“Sure,” she said brightly. “I’ll take two. I might want to bring a 18

date.”

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34 sh

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Sunday, January 31

2

3

An unseasonably warm day. Boats dipped and bobbed in the har-4

bor. White jetties cut a bright swath through deep blue water. Un-5

zipping her parka, Kate turned to Sam Howell.

6

“I’m glad I came out,” she said. “You were right. I needed to get 7

away.”

8

“Hungry yet?”

9

“Not really. I’d just as soon walk for a while.”

10

They were strolling down the wharf at the foot of Sag Harbor’s 11

Main Street. For the moment, Kate was at peace. Back in the city, 12

her old life still lay in tatters. But she didn’t have to think about 13

that now. Kate inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh sea air. It seemed 14

like the smell of new beginnings.

15

“I really do like the hair,” Howell said.

16

“Thanks,” she said. “Me too.”

ort 17

Reaching the end of the dock, they stopped and looked out reg 18

across the shimmering water, at the cottages nestled in the dis-9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 349

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tance. Kate thought of the view from her Samson office. But what 1

Andrea had said was right. It did look just the same from outside.

2

Better, even. With nothing to separate you from the endless blue.

3

She looked back at Sam Howell.

4

“I got sort of a shock this morning,” she said. “My boyfriend —

5

ex-boyfriend, I should say — just got married. The wedding an-6

nouncement was in the Times. ”

7

“Someone important?”

8

“Yeah.” Kate stared down at the water. The sea that looked so 9

blue at a distance was a thick bottle green from above. “I thought 10

we were going to get married.”

11

“What happened?”

12

“What happened?” Kate kicked a pebble off the dock, watched 13

it hurtle down, then disappear. “I didn’t trust him enough. Some-14

one told me he was cheating on me. I believed them. I guess you 15

could say I drove him away.”

16

“Regrets?”

17

“At first. For a long time, I guess. But when I looked at the pa-18

per this morning, I realized something. It wasn’t just that I didn’t 19

trust Michael. I didn’t really trust myself. I was looking to him to 20

change that. To protect me, to keep me safe. I gave him an impos-21

sible task. No wonder he finally gave up.”

22

“It doesn’t mean he didn’t love you.”

23

“No,” Kate said. “I guess not.” She gave Howell a sideways 24

glance. She had some idea what he was thinking.

25

“Madeleine still cared about you, you know,” she said. “A photo 26

you took — a picture of the Maine coast — was hanging in her of-27

fice. I asked her about it once. She obviously loved it, said that 28

she’d always had it with her.”

29

A smile flickered across Howell’s face. “Thanks for telling me 30

that,” he said. “I know she cared. It’s just that —” He didn’t finish 31

the sentence.

32

“I know,” Kate said. “I know.”

33

For a short time, they walked in silence.

34 sh

“The thing is,” Kate continued, “even if Michael really loved 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

me, I’m not sure I really loved him. I don’t think I really knew him.

2

I was so focused on what I hoped he’d give me. On the bus out here 3

this morning, I was thinking it through. How after Michael and I 4

broke up, I headed straight for Samson & Mills. But it was really all 5

the same thing. I was afraid of taking charge of my own experience, 6

afraid that I’d mess it up. I wanted guarantees. I thought I could get 7

them from being Michael’s wife. Or being a Samson lawyer. It’s like 8

I thought I could bypass life. ”

9

“I think you’re being a little hard on yourself,” Howell said.

10

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to love. Or work 11

that you care about.”

12

“No, of course not. But that’s not exactly what I mean.”

13

Kate paused for a moment. Absently, she fingered her ruby ring, 14

then looked down to adjust it. She sensed Howell watching her.

15

“My mother gave me this,” she said. “It’s my birthstone. I’m a Can-16

cer. Cancer the crab. You know what they say about Cancers? That 17

we develop hard shells to protect ourselves. I never really saw that 18

in myself before. But actually, I think it’s true.”

19

Howell touched her shoulder. Without speaking, they turned 20

around and began walking back toward town.

21

Kate continued on a different tack. “I was talking to one of the 22

detectives. About how she knew that Carter Mills hadn’t killed 23

himself. There was this term she used. Equivocal death. It’s a term 24

of art used in homicide investigations. When they can’t tell from 25

the crime scene whether a murder occurred. Anyway, when I heard 26

those words, it made me think of something you said. You told me 27

that there are lots of ways to die. That physical death isn’t the only 28

kind. I didn’t understand then what you were getting at. I guess I 29

didn’t really want to. But now I see how it applies to me. In the 30

ways that are really important, I’ve only been partly alive.”

31

“Well, there’s plenty of time to change that. Years and years,”

32

Howell said. They’d turned onto Main Street and were heading 33

back toward town. “Any thoughts about what you’ll do now?”

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“I’m not sure, really. I’ve got a lot to sort out. I’ve promised to reg 35

help Josie with some family problems. Her mother’s a crack addict.

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That’s why she was having trouble making it to our meetings.

1

When I found that out . . . I mean, my God. You realize how little 2

you really know about anything. And there I was, assuming she 3

just didn’t care. I could kick myself. Anyway, for now, she’s staying 4

with a great-aunt. But we have to come up with some long-term 5

plan. I told her I’d help with that. She has a brother and sister, and 6

she’s desperate to keep the family together.”

7

“She’s lucky to have you.”

8

“Not as lucky as I am to have her. She actually saved my life.

9

How’s that for irony? The fact that I was a jerk to Josie about being 10

on time. That’s how she knew that something was wrong. Cathy 11

Valencia — the detective — told me that it was Josie who insisted 12

she go looking for me.”

13

“But what about you? Any thoughts on that score?”

14

Kate felt suddenly self-conscious. “I still have some loose ends to 15

tie up,” she said. “There’s this thing that happened at work. Ag-16

gravated sexual abuse, that’s what they call it. It’s a felony. I’ve 17

talked to the D.A.’s office, but I’m not sure how strong the case is.

18

I don’t have much evidence.”

19

Howell stared at her. “You mean, something that happened to 20

you?”

21

Kate cut her eyes away. “Yeah,” she said uncomfortably.

22

“When?”

23

“A couple of weeks ago, I guess.” She found the warmth of How-24

ell’s voice unsettling; as if it was thawing some part of her that 25

she’d just as soon stayed frozen solid.

26

“I had no idea.” Kate could see the wheels turning in Howell’s 27

mind, as he thought back over the time since they’d met.

28

“Yeah, well . . . , you know I used to look at people who’d had 29

bad things happen to them, and find reasons they were to blame.

30

There was this woman — her name was Linda Morris — she was a 31

witness in this sexual harassment case I was working on. She sort 32

of slouched around like some sexed-up ghoul in dark nail polish 33

and really tight clothes. She worked for this men’s magazine. I al-34 sh

ways had a strong reaction to her, like I just had to get away. I saw 35 re

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her in the gym one day and practically ran out the door. At the 2

time, I didn’t know why. But I think I’ve figured it out. It’s like I 3

knew that she and I were really in the same position. I might have 4

a Harvard degree and work at Samson & Mills, but those things 5

couldn’t protect me. I didn’t want to admit that.”

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A wind had come up from the water, and Kate pulled her parka 7

closer. On Main Street, people were hurrying by, preparing for the 8

evening to come. Down the street, Kate caught sight of the Par-9

adise. Suddenly, she was very hungry.

10

“You know what?” Kate said. “I could use some food.”

11

Howell didn’t answer right away. When she looked up, she saw 12

that he was watching her, compassion mingled with sadness.

13

“What?” she said. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

14

Howell turned away. For several moments, he gazed into the 15

distance, toward the rippling blue of the sea. As if he were looking 16

for answers. As if all that had happened might still be redeemed.

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Then, turning back to Kate, he smiled. “I just wish you could have 18

known her,” he said.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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The fact that you now hold this book in your hands is a testament 6

to the unswerving support, encouragement, and commitment of 7

one person. Nicholas Ellison is a remarkable agent and an even 8

more remarkable friend. Our serendipitous introduction, just days 9

before I was slated to quit practicing law, is the closest thing to a 10

fairy tale that’s ever happened to me. Words can’t express my grat-11

itude.

12

My publisher, Little, Brown & Company, has been a writer’s 13

dream. Profound thanks to my brilliant editor, Judy Clain, who did 14

so much to help shape and improve the manuscript. Her incisive 15

comments are felt throughout. Also at Little, Brown, I’d like to ac-16

knowledge Sandy Bontemps, for editorial suggestions and help 17

with everything else; Michael Ian Kaye, for coming up with a 18

cover that so marvelously captures the spirit of the book; and Betty 19

Power, copyeditor extraordinaire. I’m sure this list will rapidly 20

grow. Thanks in advance to everyone who is working so hard to 21

make this book a success.

22

At Nicholas Ellison, Inc., a big thank-you to Alicˇka Pistek for 23

her enthusiasm and skill in finding homes abroad for this book.

24

Thanks also to Jennifer Edwards and Whitney Lee for all their 25

good work on my behalf.

26

When a former white-shoe lawyer sets out to write a thriller, you 27

can be pretty sure she’ll need to do some research. On the subject 28

of homicide investigation, I turned to Vernon J. Geberth, retired 29

Lieutenant Commander with the New York Police Department 30

and author of Practical Homicide Investigation: Tactics, Procedures, 31

and Forensic Techniques, and Raymond M. Pierce, founder of the 32

Criminal Assessment and Profiling Unit of the New York Police 33

Department’s Detective Bureau. Both men generously gave of 34 sh

their time, talent, and vast stores of expertise to keep me from 35 re

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looking stupid. (Of course, any errors are entirely my own doing.) 2

I owe Vernon Geberth a special debt since he introduced me to the 3

term “equivocal death.”

4

On the subject of antique guns, I found a terrific source of infor-5

mation in Dominick Cervone of Martin Lane Historical Ameri-6

cana in Manhattan. Thanks, Dominick.

7

I am grateful to Linda Fairstein, chief of Manhattan’s Sex 8

Crimes Prosecution Unit, for responding to questions about sexual 9

assault.

10

Thanks to Don MacLeod for quick answers to computer-related 11

queries.

12

Throughout the writing of this book, I relied shamelessly on 13

many extraordinary friends. I’m immensely indebted to Kirstin Pe-14

terson, who helped with every aspect of this book, from untangling 15

plot twists to excising extra commas. Huge thanks to all those who 16

took time from phenomenally busy schedules to read and com-17

ment on the manuscript: Adam Cohen, E. W. Count, Ruth Diem, 18

Barbara Feinman, Daniel Kornstein, Brad Kurkowski, Lisa Lang 19

Olsson, Marissa Piesman, Polly Saltonstall and John Hanson, Pe-20

ter Shimamoto and Louisa Smith. Thanks to Mark Epstein, Tom 21

Firestone, Jessie Krause, Denise Lanctot, Ruth Lautt, Christine 22

Martin, Linda Olle, Priscilla Rodgers, Leah Ruth Robinson, Lillian 23

and Erik Ross, Ron Rosenbaum, Nita Sembrowich, and Emily 24

West, for all sorts of advice and support.

25

Many thanks to Nicholas Delbanco and Nahid Rachlin, two 26

wonderful writers who are also inspiring and supportive teachers.

27

I’m also grateful to members of the various writing classes and 28

groups that workshopped early drafts; sorry I can’t mention all of 29

you by name.

30

Extra special thanks to Mikel Travisano, who did so much to 31

sustain me during the final months of work on this book.

32

Finally, I’d like to acknowledge the late Jonathan Larson, author 33

of the Pulitzer Prize–winning musical Rent. During my last year ort 34

practicing law, I spent many months on litigation related to Rent, reg 35

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never met Jonathan, I was privileged to read many of the papers he 1

left behind. His unshakable determination to pursue his dream, his 2

willingness to take risks, fed my own nascent desire to break away 3

from the life I was leading. For that, I’d like to thank him.

4

This book is dedicated to my family. Much love and thanks to 5

my mother, Janet Franz, who has always believed in me and en-6

couraged me to follow my heart; to my brother, Peter, who took 7

time from the whirlwind of investment banking to give the manu-8

script a careful and perceptive reading and who staunchly champi-9

oned my choice of title; to my father, Froncie, who has maintained 10

a steady interest in my progress; and to my sister, Karin, also a 11

writer, whose warmth and good spirits help keep me on an even 12

keel.

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Special eBook Feature:

Excerpt from

Amy Gutman’s

The Anniversary

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AMY

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GUTMAN

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LITTLE, BROWN AND COMPANY

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Nashville, Tennessee

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Eleven years ago

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As soon as the jury came back, she knew.

11

Faces somber, eyes trained on the floor, they filed back to their 12

seats, these twelve men and women who held his life in their 13

hands. None of them glanced toward the spectators. None of 14

them met his eyes. In her third-row gallery seat, Laura Seton leaned 15

slightly forward. Placing a hand on her throat, she felt a birdlike 16

pulsing flutter. As her fingers traced the delicate bones of her 17

neck, she thought how easy it would be to break them.

18

Judge Gwen Kirkpatrick looked down on the room from her 19

position high on the bench. She had thick, dark hair streaked 20

with gray and a bright red gash of a mouth. A bronze disk hung 21

on the wall above her, the Great Seal of the State of Tennessee.

22

It floated there like a halo, invoking some higher good. Not that 23

Laura believed in that. She believed in very little these days.

24

“All right, if the record would reflect that the jury is back in 25

the courtroom after their deliberations.” Judge Kirkpatrick took a 26

sip of water, then turned to the jury box. “Mr. Archer, you are still 27

the foreperson of this jury, is that correct?”

28

“Yes, ma’am.” Archer was a stocky man with blue suspenders 29

and a white moustache, recently retired from thirty years in the 30

insurance industry.

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“I understand that you’ve reached a verdict.”

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“Yes, we have.”

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Laura glanced at her watch: 10:55 a.m.

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For the first time since she’d arrived, she allowed herself to S 35

look at him.

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A dark-haired man in a navy blazer seated beside his lawyer.

2

His face was beautiful in profile. A high, rounded forehead, straight 3

nose, chiseled chin. He gave the impression of being at once both 4

sensitive and strong. While she couldn’t clearly see his expres-5

sion, she easily pictured it. The vaguely ironic smile. Eyebrows 6

slightly raised. As if he were a little bored but trying to be polite.

7

His deep brown eyes would be shining, like stones from a riverbed.

8

He leaned toward his lawyer to say something. She willed him 9

to turn around.

10

Please, Steven, look at me. There’s something you need to know.

11

His back stiffened almost imperceptibly, as if he’d read her 12

thoughts, until a moment later he lapsed into stillness again.

13

She hadn’t planned to be here today, had planned to sleep 14

through it all. She’d gotten as drunk as she could last night before 15

passing out on the floor. But at 4 a.m. she’d snapped awake and 16

stumbled into the bathroom. In the glare of the fluorescent light, 17

she’d looked like she was dying. Haggard face, pallid skin, huge 18

burning eyes. “I’m only twenty-four,” she’d whispered. “I’m only 19

twenty-four.” For reasons that now eluded her, this had seemed 20

significant.

21

From the front of the room, the voices pressed on, but Laura 22

barely listened. She forced herself to breathe. She noticed her 23

skirt was too tight. During the past few months she’d gained at 24

least ten pounds, but the effect was oddly soothing. Buried in 25

flesh she felt safer. As if she couldn’t be seen.

26

Memories were flashing through her mind, like a video on fast-27

forward. Lobsters at Jimmy’s Harborside. Camping in the Smoky 28

Mountains. Dancing at 12th & Porter to driving country rock.

29

I’m in the mood, I’m in the mood, I’m in the . . .

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And then there were the other things. The things she didn’t 31

want to remember.

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A blood-soaked shirt behind the bed.

33

Bone fragments in the fireplace.

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Knives. A mask. Rubber gloves.

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But always an explanation.

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Always an explanation. Until one day, there just wasn’t.

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“Mr. Gage, would you please stand and face the jury?” That 1

was the judge again.

2

Steven Gage got to his feet. He seemed calm and somewhat 3

bemused. Simply going through the motions, as if he were hu-4

moring them.

5

“Mr. Archer, would you read me the verdict as to count one of 6

this indictment.”

7

Archer rubbed a hand over his mouth, then, eyes down, 8

started speaking. “We, the jury, unanimously find that the State 9

has proven the following listed statutory aggravating circum-10

stance or circumstances beyond a reasonable doubt . . .”

11

The words rolled on, endless and without meaning. A barrage 12

of neat official language to disguise what was happening.

13

Now, Steven. Look. Now.

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But his eyes remained on the jury. He didn’t turn around.

15

The sense of déjà vu grew stronger by the moment. It seemed 16

to Laura that they’d done this all just ten days ago. But after the 17

determination of guilt had come a whole new round of proceed-18

ings. They called it the penalty phase. Mitigating factors. Aggra-19

vating factors. All of them brought to light. The testimony had 20

lasted for more than two days, but the jury was back in an hour.

21

Laura’s eyes roamed the gallery, the sea of crowded benches.

22

The elderly man beside her smelled like wintergreen. The fami-23

lies were sitting in the front rows, as they had throughout the 24

trial. Dahlia’s family to the right of the aisle, Steven’s on the left.

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Dahlia’s parents sat ramrod straight, their teenage son between 26

them. The boy, sullen and slightly sprawled, looked utterly out of 27

place. Across the aisle, Steven’s mother was flanked by two 28

grown sons. A small, plump woman with bottle-blue hair, she’d 29

shrunk down in her seat. Laura had a sense that if her sons 30

weren’t there, she’d slide right onto the floor.

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A jagged line of pain shot through Laura’s brain. Her mouth 32

was dry as sand. She breathed in hot recycled air, blown from 33

vents in the wall. Dun-colored curtains covered the windows, 34

shutting out the sun. The world had collapsed into this single S 35

place. There was nothing outside this room.

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Laura felt the words before she heard them, as her heart tore 2

into her chest.

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“We, the jury, unanimously find that the punishment for the 4

defendant, Steven Lee Gage, shall be death.”

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An instant of absolute silence, and then the whispers began.

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Laura’s stomach heaved, and she pressed her hands together. It 7

had happened, it had actually happened, and she couldn’t take it 8

in. She’d tried to imagine how it might feel, but she’d never 9

imagined this. An utter absence of feeling, a blankness akin to 10

sleep. Sentenced to death. Sentenced to death. She tried to absorb 11

the meaning. But before the words could fully sink in, something 12

was happening. Up front, a flurry of action. Steven had lunged 13

toward the judge.

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“I do not accept this verdict! I do not accept it, do you hear 15

me?” He stood slightly crouched and quivering, glaring at Judge 16

Kirkpatrick. “I am innocent, and you are the guilty ones, all of 17

you here today. Those responsible for this will pay. Do you hear 18

me? All of you will pay!”

19

A muffled roar in the gallery, as Kirkpatrick pounded her gavel.

20

“Mr. Phillips, control your client!”

21

“Steven. Please. Calm down.” George Phillips raised a slender 22

hand, but his client didn’t respond. Instead, Gage took another 23

step forward, his eyes burning into the judge.

24

Two court officers were rushing forward, converging around 25

Gage. The first one, well over six foot five, tackled Gage from be-26

hind. He seemed to have gained a hold until Gage bit down on his 27

hand. The injured man stumbled backward, let out an agonized 28

shriek, as his partner, hurling himself toward Gage, wrestled 29

him to the ground. “No! Steven. No! Oh God!” Steven’s mother 30

clutched her other sons’ arms as her screams gave way to sobs.

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Gage fought back from the floor, spitting, writhing, kicking.

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Everywhere, spectators were jumping up, gawking at the scene.

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Laura was almost surprised to find she was standing too, craning 34

her neck to watch, to get a better view. Gage’s face was a deep 35 S

bright red. Veins pulsed in his forehead. She didn’t want to look, 36 R

but she couldn’t turn away.

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This is what they saw, she thought. This is what they saw.

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He’d managed to get to his feet again when one of the bailiffs 2

grabbed him, jammed a knee in his lower back and hurled him 3

against a table.

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“Jesus Christ, get him! Get him!” That was Tucker Schuyler, 5

Dahlia’s younger brother. He pounded a fist into his palm, his 6

face as red as his hair.

7

Another vicious flailing struggle, and Gage broke free again.

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He flung himself toward the gallery, his eyes bulging grotesquely.

9

A swirl of movement now, as spectators streamed for the door.

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The jurors, who’d climbed to their feet, seemed astonished, dis-11

believing. Pretty, blonde juror number four wore an expression of 12

abject terror, one hand clapped over her mouth, her eyes enormous 13

and bright. Jurors number six and seven were edging toward the 14

exit. They’d been told that the system worked. They hadn’t ex-15

pected this.

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“You motherfuckin’ fascists,” Gage shrieked. “You don’t know 17

what you’re doing. Get your fuckin’ hands off me!”

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He was still cursing and kicking when the handcuffs snapped 19

on his wrists. His body strained frantically, shivered, then went 20

slack. His mouth fell open, and he gazed at the room, drained of 21

energy. For some time the room was quiet, and Steven Gage didn’t 22

move. Then, without warning, his body jerked, and his eyes grew 23

wide again. Throwing back his head, he let out an agonized howl.

24

The cry went on and on, a piercing ululation. The sound of a 25

keening animal caught in the grip of a trap. Laura’s skin prickled 26

down the back of her neck, a chill blooming in her heart. This 27

was pure, distilled rage, like nothing she’d ever heard.

28

Then, suddenly, it was over.

29

Gage was silent again. His eyes drifted to the gallery. He 30

looked at them. At her.

31

For a moment their gazes locked. Laura could hardly breathe.

32

It was like a curtain had been ripped away, and she finally saw the 33

truth. The truth that she’d swept aside for so long because she 34

couldn’t bear it.

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despair. There was something broken and evil in him that could 2

never be repaired. As his eyes bore into hers, a smile flickered on 3

his lips, and in a moment of terrible insight she knew what he 4

was thinking. He wasn’t really there, he was floating in fantasy.

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Imagining how he’d kill her if he only had the chance.

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Wednesday, April 5

Sh e almost didn’t see it.

1

Juggling a pizza box with a load of books, she yanked open the 2

unlocked screen door, her mind on other things. The smell of 3

pepperoni. The sharp spring breeze. Next week’s midterm in Ab-4

normal Psych. In retrospect, these thoughts would seem a sort of 5

victory. A sign that, after more than a decade, she’d managed to 6

reclaim her life. But it was days, or maybe weeks, before she real-7

ized this, and by then it was too late. She could only look back, 8

helpless, at the world she’d left behind.

9

By some trick of gravity the envelope stuck, as if tacked against 10

the doorjamb. Later, she’d try to reconstruct this moment, re-11

membering that first impression. An ordinary business envelope.

12

White. Her name — Ms. Callie Thayer — in clear black type.

13

Later even that would seem strange, but at the time she’d barely 14

noticed. She’d seen the envelope, grabbed it, stuffed it into her 15

leather bag.

16

For the next three hours it had been forgotten, a time bomb in 17

her purse.

18

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h

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“Anyone home?”

21

But of course she knew they were here.

22

It was Wednesday afternoon, just after five. Anna would be 23

home from school. Rick, who worked an early shift, would have 24

started dinner by now.

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Putting down her books, Callie gave herself a quick once-over S 26

in the mirror at the end of the hallway. Pale heart-shaped face.

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Thick chestnut hair. A vagrant curl had tumbled loose from the 2

clip she’d used to pull it back. Reflexively, she unsnapped the bar-3

rette, pushed the tendrils back. Last month, she’d turned thirty-4

five, and today she looked her age. Faint lines around the large, 5

dark eyes. Two deeper creases in her brow. Not that any of it 6

bothered her, quite the opposite. She watched the shifting land-7

scape of her face with hungry fascination, concrete proof she 8

wasn’t the person she’d been ten years ago.

9

“Hey, babe! In here.”

10

She followed Rick’s voice to the kitchen. He was standing at 11

the sink washing vegetables, the Dixie Chicks playing in the 12

background. Wiping his hands on a towel, he stepped toward her 13

for a kiss. Tall and lankily boyish, he wore faded jeans and Birken-14

stocks with a white short-sleeved T-shirt. He had dark brown hair 15

and a lazy smile. Green eyes flecked with gold. He looked like a 16

carpenter or maybe an artist, someone who worked with his hands.

17

It was still hard for her to believe that she was dating a cop.

18

As Rick’s lips grazed hers, Callie touched his shoulder. He 19

smelled of oregano and mint, a rich, earthy scent. They’d been 20

together for eight months, sleeping together for four, and she was 21

still sometimes caught off guard by the looping surge of attrac-22

tion. But when Rick’s lips moved to her neck, Callie pulled away.

23

Anna was just upstairs. Besides, they had to get dinner ready.

24

“Here. Take this.” Callie held out the pizza box, with its cargo 25

of fat and meat. He set the box on the counter, then turned 26

toward her again. She couldn’t read his eyes, but she knew what 27

he was thinking.

28

“Don’t you have things to do?” she murmured with mock 29

severity.

30

“Like this?”

31

As he ran a hand down the curve of her back, something inside 32

her sparked. She let her eyes drift shut, her head resting on his 33

shoulder. He pressed against her rhythmically, once, twice, again.

34

“Not now,” she whispered into his chest. “Come on, Rick.

35 S

Please.”

36 R

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Still, she was almost disappointed when he dropped his arms 1

and stepped away. A last chaste kiss on the cheek, and he was 2

back at the kitchen sink. For a moment, Callie stood where he’d 3

left her, flushed and slightly bereft. Then she went to the refrig-4

erator and grabbed a San Pellegrino. She took a glass from a cab-5

inet, sat down at the table.

6

“Tough day?” Rick’s back was turned to her, and she couldn’t 7

see his face.

8

“Not too bad, really.” Callie took a sip of sparkling water, the 9

bubbles sharp in her mouth.

10

Roseanne Cash was playing now, a song about the wheel going 11

’round. Outside, the sky was a dappled gray, streaked with red 12

and gold. Callie watched as Rick moved easily through the snug 13

brightness of the kitchen. He pulled three plates from a cup-14

board, tasted the salad dressing. The flash of arousal she’d felt was 15

gone, replaced with a sense of contentment. A delicious aware-16

ness that, just for now, all was as it should be.

17

“You want me to help?” Callie asked.

18

“Nope, we’re pretty much set.”

19

Again, her eyes moved over the room, a scene of order and 20

comfort. Notched pine floor, granite counters, pots hanging on 21

the wall. Fresh herbs growing on the windowsill: tarragon, basil, 22

thyme. It was the life she’d wanted for herself but most of all for 23

Anna. Callie thought, as she often did, how lucky they were to 24

live here, in this cozy Cape Cod cottage in this picture-perfect 25

town.

26

Merritt, Massachusetts. Population: 30,000.

27

White-steepled churches.

28

Brick storefronts.

29

Astounding autumn foliage.

30

A place where kids still went out to play without the bother of 31

play dates.

32

It was more than six years since she’d moved here, an anxious 33

single mother and student. She’d attended Windham College on 34

an Abbott Scholarship, a special grant for older “nontraditional”

S 35

R 36

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students working on their B.A.’s. She’d majored in English and, 2

three years later, graduated with high honors. By then, she’d 3

bought the house and fallen in love with the town.

4

They’d lived here for going on seven years, and it was lucky 5

she’d bought when she did. She’d been astonished when the 6

house across the street sold last year for more than six hundred 7

grand, purchased by a wealthy family moving from outside Boston.

8

Bernie Creighton had kept his job in the city, commuting two 9

hours each way. It was worth it, he and his wife said, for the qual-10

ity of life. It seemed a little ridiculous — what was wrong with 11

the suburbs? — but their youngest child, Henry, was Anna’s best 12

friend, so Callie was hardly complaining.

13

She herself had once considered a move to Boston, where job 14

prospects would be better. But after a stressful round of inter-15

views, she’d decided to stay put. She already had the house. And 16

if salaries were low in Merritt, so were her expenses. After finish-17

ing her degree, she’d gone to work in Windham’s alumni office, a 18

job that gave her flexibility and ample time with Anna. Now 19

that Anna was older, Callie was back in school part-time. She’d 20

switched her focus to psychology and hoped to go on to grad school.

21

Rick was chopping carrots, intently watching the knife. The 22

steel made a muffled clicking sound on the wooden cutting 23

board. He brought to cooking the same dedication he brought to 24

making love. Callie had teased him about it once, his rapt con-25

centration. “The kitchen,” he’d said seriously, “is the most dan-26

gerous room in the house.” An odd thing to say, she’d thought at 27

the time, though probably accurate.

28

“So how’re things going?” Callie asked. “Did you talk to your 29

dad today?”

30

“I’m going back down this weekend,” Rick said. “I got a cheap 31

flight on Saturday.”

32

Callie looked up, concerned. “But I thought the tests were nor-33

mal. The electrocardiogram.”

34

Rick put down the knife. Picking up the cutting board, he 35 S

dumped carrots into the salad. “It wasn’t definitive. Now they 36 R

want to do this thing called a thallium stress test. To find out how 1 2

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T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y

much blood is getting to different parts of the heart. Depending 1

on what they find out —”

2

The phone rang sharply behind her, a shrill bleating sound.

3

“Go ahead,” Rick said, tossing his head back toward it.

4

Turning in her chair, Callie picked up.

5

“Hello?” She recognized the voice immediately, soft and hesi-6

tant. “Nathan, I’m really sorry, but we’re about to sit down to 7

dinner.”

8

“Oh, sure. Sorry.”

9

Callie imagined him flushing crimson on the other end of the 10

phone. She’d never known a boy or man who blushed so easily.

11

She’d met Nathan Lacoste last fall in Introductory Psych. A 12

Windham junior, twenty years old, he’d somehow latched onto 13

her. Smart, she thought, and not bad looking but painfully self-14

conscious. She could tell he’d had trouble making friends, and 15

she tried to be kind to him, remembering the pain of feeling lost 16

and alone during her own years in college. Lately, though, she’d 17

come to wish that she’d kept a bit more distance. He’d taken to 18

calling her at home much more than she liked.

19

“I’ll let you go. To eat.” But Nathan didn’t hang up. For some-20

one almost pathologically shy, he could be very persistent. “I . . .

21

could you just tell me what you’re having?”

22

“Excuse me?” Callie was barely listening. She shouldn’t have 23

picked up the phone. As she watched Rick finish the salad, she 24

thought how tired he looked. His parents lived in North Car-25

olina, outside Chapel Hill. This would be his third trip in the 26

past six weeks, and the travels were taking a toll.

27

“I was wondering what you’re having. To eat. I was sort of feel-28

ing hungry, but, I don’t know, I couldn’t think what to make.”

29

He seemed to be angling for an invitation. She had to get off 30

the phone. “Pizza,” she said shortly. “Pepperoni pizza. And salad.”

31

“Pepperoni pizza.” He slowly repeated the words. “That sounds 32

good. What kind of salad? You know, I never know what to put in 33

the dressing. Sometimes I buy it, but I think that’s stupid. It 34

costs —”

S 35

“Listen, I really have to go. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

R 36

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1

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” She could tell he was hurt, felt a twinge 2

of guilt, then told herself he wasn’t her problem. She could be 3

Nathan’s friend to a point, but she wasn’t going to adopt him.

4

“Who was that?” Rick asked when she’d hung up the phone.

5

“Nathan Lacoste. You know, that kid I told you about.”

6

“The weird one?”

7

“Well . . .” Callie stopped. It was as good a description as any.

8

“Yeah. That’s the one.”

9

“He calls you a lot.”

10

“Not that much.” Annoyed as she’d been with Nathan, she 11

could still feel sorry for him. “A couple of times a week, maybe.

12

I’m a mother figure or something.”

13

“Or something. ”

14

Callie shook her head. “Oh, come on, Rick. He’s a kid. He’s 15

lonely.” She paused, still carefully watching him, ready to drop 16

the subject. “So what about your dad? What were you telling me?”

17

“I think I pretty much said everything. Hey, could you set the 18

table?”

19

Callie pulled out three place mats, red-and-white-checked 20

gingham.

21

“So you’re leaving on Saturday?”

22

“Right.”

23

“I could drive you to Hartford. To the airport.”

24

“I’ve got an early flight.”

25

From upstairs, the sound of canned laughter exploded from 26

Anna’s room.

27

“How’s she doing?” Callie gestured toward the stairs.

28

“Good. She’s fine.”

29

“Really?”

30

“Sure. She came home. I said, ‘How was school?’ She said, 31

‘Okay.’ Then she grabbed a bag of cookies and went upstairs. No 32

complaints.”

33

“She’s supposed to set the table before she goes upstairs.”

34

“I guess she forgot.”

35 S

Callie sighed. “She didn’t forget.”

36 R

“Well, then, I guess she just didn’t want to.”

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After she’d set out the silverware, Callie plopped back in her 1

chair. “I wish she —”

2

“Just give her some time, Callie. She’s still not used to having 3

someone else around. She’s used to having you to herself.”

4

“I know. You’re right. I just — I just wish it was easier for her.

5

It’s not like we just met. She’s had time to get to know you. I 6

don’t know what the problem is.”

7

“Let it go, Cal. She’ll come around in time. Once she sees that 8

I’m not going anywhere.”

9

Once she sees that I’m not going anywhere. The words were like 10

a gift that she welcomed but didn’t quite expect. Her mind held 11

them awkwardly, uncertain where to put them.

12

“I thought ten was supposed to be easier,” she finally said. “I 13

was reading somewhere that nine is a hard age, then things settle 14

down at ten. It’s supposed to be one of the ages of equilibrium. I 15

thought there’d be some, you know, break before she’s a teenager.”

16

“Kids are individuals. They don’t grow according to plan.”

17

A pause. Callie stretched her arms overhead, then folded one 18

at the elbow and dropped it behind her back. Using the other 19

hand, she pressed down on the upper arm. A yoga stretch she’d 20

learned years ago, back when she did such things.

21

“At least she’s speaking to you,” Callie said. “I guess that’s an 22

improvement.”

23

“There you go.”

24

Dropping the other arm, Callie repeated the stretch, this time 25

on the other side.

26

She was more tired than she’d realized.

27

She’d love to go to bed early tonight, but she still had reading 28

to do. If she let herself get behind, she’d be screwed by the end of 29

the school year. She was way beyond the age when all-nighters 30

seemed like fun.

31

“Ready to eat?” Rick was pulling the pizza from the oven, 32

where he’d stuck it to keep warm. The yeasty scent of dough 33

wafted through the room.

34

Callie looked at him and smiled, the tension subsiding again.

S 35

She loved their Wednesday pizza nights, haphazard and slightly R 36

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1

festive. She got to her feet, stretched again, and headed toward 2

the stairs.

3

“Just put it on the table. I’ll go get Anna,” she said.

4

h

5

6

DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION

7

THIS MEANS YOU!!!!!

8

ANYONE WHO COMES IN WITHOUT ASKING

9

WILL BE IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW

10

RICK EVANS YOU CANNOT COME INTO MY ROOM

11

Signed,

12

Anna Elizabeth Thayer

13

14

The sign on Anna’s door was a new addition. With a slight sink-15

ing feeling, Callie read the words again. She thought about what 16

Rick had said downstairs, how Anna was simply jealous. The sign 17

on the door was like a cry for help, or at least a cry for attention.

18

Callie knocked on the door. No answer. From inside, she heard 19

a cartoon character’s high-pitched, excited voice. The words were 20

followed by a bonking sound, then a whistling and a crash. Cal-21

lie knocked again, louder this time, then cracked open the door.

22

“Hi, bug.”

23

Anna was sprawled on her bed in a sea of stuffed animals. She 24

was wearing gray sweatpants and a Merritt Elementary School 25

T-shirt.

26

“Hi, Mommy,” she said.

27

“May I come in?”

28

“Okay.” Anna’s eyes had moved away from hers, drifting back 29

to the TV screen.

30

The room was its usual chaos, and Callie had to pick her way 31

through the obstacle course to reach her daughter’s bed. A hair-32

brush, a necklace, a black patent shoe, a Harry Potter book. Cal-33

lie’s old computer, which Anna had begged for, had become an 34

impromptu clothes rack, barely visible beneath a pile of pants, 35 S

skirts, and sweaters.

36 R

Perching on the side of the mattress, Callie leaned down for 1 6

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T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y

a kiss. As her lips brushed her daughter’s cheek, she smelled 1

something unfamiliar, a cloying chemical sweetness that clung to 2

Anna’s hair.

3

“That smell,” she said. “What is it?”

4

“Remember? We got it in the mail. You said that I could 5

have it.”

6

A shampoo sample, Callie remembered now. One of those mi-7

nuscule bottles tossed by the millions into consumer mailboxes.

8

A puke-green-colored container with a picture of daisies on the 9

label.

10

“I like your usual better.”

11

“But Mom, that’s baby shampoo.”

12

“They just call it that because it doesn’t sting your eyes. I use 13

it, and I’m not a baby.”

14

“Mom.” Anna rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, as if her 15

mother’s views on this subject were too embarrassing to consider.

16

Callie sighed, and sat back. There’d been more and more of 17

these moments lately, and she had to pick her battles. The mess 18

in Anna’s room, for example, was something she didn’t push.

19

Maybe once a month or so, she’d insist on a full-scale cleanup.

20

The rest of the time she told herself it was Anna who had to live 21

here. The TV had been another concession that Callie at times 22

regretted. But she limited Anna to an hour a day, and only after 23

homework.

24

“Homework finished?” she asked now.

25

“Uh-huh,” Anna said.

26

Cuddled up with her battered stuffed bear, Anna still looked 27

like a child. And yet, Callie was well aware of the crossroads just 28

ahead. There on the wall by Anna’s bed was a poster of Britney 29

Spears. Balloonlike breasts. Slick, wet lips. A pale froth of hair.

30

An ominous intimation of the years that lay ahead.

31

Callie looked at her daughter. “So what’s with the sign?” she 32

asked.

33

“What sign?” Anna said. She kept watching the cartoon. A 34

green squirrel scampered to the edge of a tree limb, not watching S 35

his step. The branch ended, but he kept going until he glanced R 36

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

down. Then, in sudden panic, he found he was suspended in 2

space. The knowledge seemed to trigger the force of gravity, hith-3

erto suspended. A whistling, whooshing noise as the squirrel plum-4

meted to earth.

5

Anna laughed loudly.

6

Callie, knowing her daughter, could tell the sound was forced.

7

“The sign on your door, ” she said, refusing to be put off.

8

Still not looking at her mother, Anna shrugged her shoulders.

9

Callie waited for something more, but Anna didn’t go on. Af-10

ter another few seconds of silence, Callie tried again. “What’s up 11

with you and Rick? You used to like him fine. Remember how you 12

went sledding last winter, you, Henry, and Rick?”

13

Still no response.

14

An explosion on the TV screen sent the green squirrel hurtling 15

through outer space, through the stars, past the moon, past the 16

rings of Saturn.

17

“Anna, turn off the television.”

18

“But Mom —”

19

“Turn it off.”

20

With a sigh, Anna clicked the remote, but she still didn’t 21

look up.

22

In the sudden silence, Callie had an impulse just to let it go.

23

But they had to talk about this sometime, and it might as well be 24

now.

25

“Come on, Anna. Tell me.”

26

Anna shrugged again, more elaborately this time. Her eyes 27

shifted from Callie’s face to someplace beyond her shoulder. As if 28

she were seeking an escape route to somewhere her mother was 29

not.

30

“He’s okay,” she finally said. “I just don’t see why he has to be 31

here all the time.”

32

“He’s here because he cares. He cares about both of us.” Callie 33

studied her daughter. “I think there’s something else. Something 34

you’re not telling me.”

35 S

“I don’t have to tell you everything. ” Anna stared at her lap, 36 R

hair shielding her face.

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“No. Of course not,” Callie said gently. “But you might feel 1

better if you talked about it.”

2

Anna shifted her position, and as her hair fell away, Callie 3

glimpsed her trembling mouth. She looked both defiant and mis-4

erable, and Callie yearned to touch her. To do something — any-5

thing — to soothe her daughter’s pain. But she knew from past 6

experience that this would just make things worse. When Anna 7

was in this sort of mood, she had to wait it out.

8

“He’s not my father.”

9

Anna said the words so softly that Callie almost missed them.

10

She looked at her daughter in astonishment, wondering if she’d 11

heard right.

12

“He’s not!” Anna’s voice was stronger now. Her eyes squarely 13

met her mother’s.

14

Callie took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “No,” she 15

said. “You’re right.”

16

Her mind was flying now, trying to frame a response, trying to 17

come up with an answer that Anna would find reassuring. At the 18

same time, she was casting around for a clue as to where this had 19

come from. She couldn’t remember the last time that Anna had 20

mentioned Kevin.

21

“You’ve been thinking about your dad?”

22

“No!” Anna said. And then, “A little.” She’d dropped her 23

head, and once again her face was veiled behind a swath of hair.

24

“So . . . what do you think about?”

25

“Just some stuff we did. Like that place where we got pumpkins 26

for Halloween. And at that park, where he pushed me on the 27

swing.”

28

She’d been so young, only three. Callie was amazed she re-29

membered. When she herself thought of Kevin Thayer, almost 30

nothing remained. Just the monotony of trying to pretend that 31

she’d been right to marry him. Even his face was a blur now: 32

plump cheeks beneath the thinning hair, small pug nose. When 33

she tried to picture her ex-husband, she thought of a smooth, 34

round egg. Yet he hadn’t been a bad man. Just not the man for S 35

her.

R 36

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

“You liked doing those things.”

2

“Yeah.”

3

Callie moved a hand to Anna’s back, but Anna wriggled away.

4

After a moment, though, she looked at Callie, her gaze shrewd, 5

assessing. The look of a seasoned gambler weighing the odds of 6

a bet.

7

“Are you going to marry Rick?”

8

The question caught Callie off guard. “I . . . I don’t know, 9

honey,” she hedged. “We haven’t talked about it.”

10

“But you might marry him.”

11

“Look, sweetie, I’m not going to marry anyone unless . . . un-12

less we both agree. Unless you and I both decide that it would be 13

a good idea.”

14

“Really?” Anna’s face lit up. This time when Callie touched 15

her, she didn’t squirm away.

16

Reaching beneath her daughter’s shirt, Callie tickled her lightly, 17

trailing her fingers down the narrow back in the way that Anna 18

loved.

19

“You know, if you want to talk about your dad, you can tell me.”

20

“Okay.” Anna’s voice was muffled, her face pressed against a 21

pillow.

22

“Do you . . . miss him?” It was painful to ask the question.

23

Maybe because she wanted so much to believe that she could 24

make Anna happy.

25

“I’m okay, Mom,” Anna said.

26

Callie didn’t say anything. For an instant, she had a strange 27

sensation that Anna was protecting her.

28

Then, leaning forward, she kissed Anna’s flowery hair. “C’mon, 29

honey, let’s go downstairs. It’s pizza night,” she said.

30

31

“So you’ll be back on Tuesday?”

32

“That’s the plan.”

33

It was a little before eight. They were sitting at the kitchen 34

table. Rick flipped through the Merritt Gazette, while Callie 35 S

scanned the mail — applications for credit cards, catalogues, a 36 R

sweepstakes entry.

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T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y

“I’ll miss you,” Callie said to him. And was surprised to realize 1

it was true.

2

Rick looked over and smiled at her, faint lines deepening around 3

his eyes. He looked both older and younger, smiling at her like 4

that. In fact, he was thirty-two, three years younger than she was.

5

They’d met late last summer at a neighborhood barbecue. Rick 6

didn’t live in the neighborhood, but his pal Tod Carver did. Tod 7

was Rick’s best friend at the Merritt Police Department. He had 8

curly hair, a rueful expression, and Callie was fond of him. He re-9

minded her a bit of a guy she’d dated back in high school.

10

Like Callie, Rick was a Merritt transplant, having moved up 11

from New York. At the barbecue, they’d traded stories over paper 12

plates of food. “Burnout,” he’d said simply, when she asked him 13

why he’d moved. For her part, she’d told him how she’d come 14

here for school, then fallen for the town.

15

He was so appealing, so easy to talk to, she’d liked him right 16

away. Still, when he’d asked her out for dinner, she’d found her-17

self hesitating. She’d been on her own for so long now. It seemed 18

safer that way. There was no one to tell her what to do, no one to 19

report to. No one to ask her difficult questions, to dredge up the 20

painful past. Her life was simple, streamlined. For the most part, 21

it worked. And yet there was something about Rick that had 22

caused her to reconsider. I’ll go out with him once, she’d told her-23

self. And that was how it started.

24

A rustle as Rick turned the page, and a flyer fell to the floor.

25

Pushing aside the mail, Callie reached down to get it. A two-for-26

one sale on Easter candy, worth remembering. Once again, it was 27

almost time for the neighborhood’s Easter egg hunt. When was 28

Easter anyway? Two weeks? Or was it sooner?

29

She reached into her purse for her Filofax, meaning to check 30

the date. But as she pulled out the date book, she saw that some-31

thing was caught between its pages. The envelope she’d picked 32

up earlier, the one stuck in the door. She’d totally forgotten about 33

it. Now she pulled it out. Edging a fingernail beneath its flap, she 34

neatly ripped it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. Two S 35

short sentences, typed.

R 36

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

Happy Anniversary, Rosamund. I haven’t forgotten you.

2

The shock was so intense that at first she didn’t feel a thing.

3

Like plunging into ice-cold water, unable to catch your breath, 4

hurtling down and down and down, not knowing when you’ll 5

stop. She clutched the note tight in her hand. Everything had 6

changed.

7

“Callie? What is it?”

8

She started at the sound of Rick’s voice, pulled back from the 9

precipice.

10

“Just a note from Anna’s teacher,” she lied. “I’ve got to talk to 11

her.”

12

With thick, unwieldy fingers, she quickly refolded the page.

13

Stuck the note in its envelope back in her Filofax. She was about 14

to close the leather cover when her eyes caught today’s date. The 15

large block letters in the small square box said Wednesday, April 5.

16

She stared at the date, hardly able to believe it.

17

April 5.

18

Today was April 5.

19

How could she have forgotten?

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35 S

36 R

2 2

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Document Outline

- Wednesday, December 23

- Monday, January 4

- Tuesday, January 5

- Wednesday, January 6

- Thursday, January 7

- Friday, January 8

- Saturday, January 9

- Sunday, January 10

- Monday, January 11

- Tuesday, January 12

- Wednesday, January 13

- Thursday, January 14

- Friday, January 15

- Saturday, January 16

- Sunday, January 17

- Monday, January 18

- Tuesday, January 19

- Wednesday, January 20

- Thursday, January 21

- Friday, January 22

- Saturday, January 23

- Sunday, January 24

- Monday, January 25

- Tuesday, January 26

- Wednesday, January 27

- Thursday, January 28

- Friday, January 29

- Saturday, January 30

- Sunday, January 31

- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

- Special eBook Feature: Excerpt from Amy Gutman�s The Anniversary

- THE ANNIVERSARY A Novel AMY GUTMAN

- PROLOGUE

- Wednesday, April 5

Table of Contents

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