Fleur McDonald lives on a large farm east of Esperance in Western Australia, where she and her husband Anthony produce prime lambs and cattle, run an Angus cattle and White Suffolk stud and produce a small amount of crops. They have two children, Rochelle and Hayden. Fleur snatches time for her writing in between helping on the farm. Blue Skies is her second novel. www.fleurmcdonald.com

Also by Fleur McDonald
Red Dust

Blue
Skies

FLEUR
MCDONALD

ARENA
ALLEN&UNWIN

Author’s Note
Depression is rife in our community. I hope that the threads of information in Blue Skies may help someone get help or realise that a friend, partner, colleague or loved one needs help. There isn’t a stigma attached to this illness – it is just that, an illness.

The best thing about writing fiction is you can’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story! I have stuck to the facts as far as possible in my depiction of the pioneering days of Esperance. However, it is possible that there are some timing and geographical errors. These are for the sake of the pace and plot of the novel.Any other mistakes are purely my own.

First published in 2010

Copyright © Fleur McDonald 2010

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

ARENA Books, an imprint of
Allen & Unwin
83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax:     (61 2) 9906 2218
Email:   info@allenandunwin.com
Web:    www.allenandunwin.com

Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available
from the National Library of Australia
www.librariesaustralia.nla.gov.au

ISBN 978 1 74175 936 5

Typeset in 13/17.5 pt ITC Garamond by Midland Typesetters, Australia Printed and bound in Australia
by Griffin Press

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Bev Due and Ned Woodward, friends who suffered from breast cancer and both died before
this book was finished.
To Anthony, Rochelle and Hayden – my world.
Carolyn, without whom Blue Skies wouldn’t have
been started, let alone completed.

Contents

Prologue: 1940

Chapter 1: 2000 – November

Chapter 2: 2001

Chapter 3

Chapter 4: 1934

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7: Autumn 1934

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12: Winter 1934

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15: Winter 1935

Chapter 16: 2005

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24: Autumn 1936

Chapter 25: 2006

Chapter 26: 2006

Chapter 27

Chapter 28: 1938

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32: 1940

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

Prologue
1940

The woman wept as if her heart would break, her long copper hair falling in curls over the side of her face and down her arms. She rocked backwards and forwards in her grief, her arms encircling her knees.

Their place had been here on the side of this stream. It was here they’d talked and laughed. In summer they had paddled in the cool water or swum in deep rock pools, and they’d spent many a sultry summer evening here lying next to each other, while the native bottlebrush trees swayed gently in the breeze.

During the winter months when good rains had fallen, turning the stream into a river, they had dreamed of their future, their lives together, the farm, and children. And it was at this place, in among the soft moss and wild orchids, that they had slipped away from their chaperone and he had finally claimed her as his own.

The woman had been grateful to have this handsome, vibrant younger man fall in love with her. She’d believed she would be left on the shelf; she was not particularly beautiful or interesting. But his love had made her shine.

She didn’t understand his change of heart – surely he must be lying. But why? And what on earth did her future hold now?

Chapter 1
2000 – November

Brian took his eyes off the road for only a moment. But that was all it took. The steering wheel tilted towards the edge of the road, the gravel grabbed at the front tyres, and next thing he had completely lost control.

His wife’s screams and his moan of terror stopped abruptly as the airborne car hit the ground and skidded. The sound of crunching metal and shattering glass echoed through the countryside, then everything was still, the only movement the spinning of a wheel and a broken aerial swinging from side to side. The occupants of the car were silent. Above them a crow cawed.

Amanda gazed down from a second storey classroom at the people milling around the graduation hall, trying to spot her parents in the crowd. She could see her accounting professor and the dean of the university talking to her biology lecturer, amid beaming parents who were chatting to one another. She couldn’t believe this day had come at last. After all the arguments trying to convince her father she needed to get an agribusiness degree, after three years of hard work and part-time jobs, enduring the separation from her mum – not to mention the family farm, Kyleena – she had finally done it.

The dean had let it slip before the ceremony that she’d topped her class. Would that make her father proud? she wondered.

She smiled as she spotted Katie and Jo talking to their parents with the seriousness of newly graduated adults, looking nothing like the drunken, loud yobbos they could be when they weren’t studying.

Her eyes fell on Jonno with a familiar stab of longing. He looked so handsome in his suit and tie. She’d only ever seen him dressed so formally once before – at Cory McLeod’s funeral. She felt a pang of sadness thinking of her friend who hadn’t made it to graduation; he’d been killed in a car accident in the first year of their ag course. His death had been devastating to his friends.

Suddenly, the door in the room flew open, startling Amanda, who looked around to see Hannah coming into the room. Her friend looked so unlike her usual wild, straggly self as she rushed into the room, dressed in a black graduation robe and blue sash, her fly-away blonde hair swept up under her mortar board. ‘Why’re you hiding?’ she demanded, her eyes bright with excitement.

‘I’m not. I’m just watching everyone,’ said Amanda, turning back to the window.

Sensing Amanda’s sombre mood, Hannah moved over to the window and put her arm around her friend’s shoulder. ‘Are your parents here?’ she asked.

‘Of course! You don’t think Mum would miss it, do you? I haven’t seen them yet, but they’re always running late – they probably snuck in after the ceremony started and have run into one of Dad’s old mates,’ said Amanda smiling wryly to mask her concern.

‘Well come on then. You can look for them later, Miss Dux! Right now you’re needed for the class photos and drinks. That’s actually why I came to find you.’

‘And here I was thinking you cared,’ said Amanda with a smile. She followed Hannah out of the room, switching the light off behind her.

Arranging themselves in front of the camera, the class of 2000 smiled and called out ‘Bundy!’, while their families looked on proudly. Between shots, Amanda searched for her parents.

Forcing a smile, she was hardly aware of the camera clicking and whirring as more photos were taken of the whole class, then a series of the dux of agribusiness with the recipients of the three agricultural awards and their teachers. As the final shot was taken of her with the high achievers from the university’s other courses, Amanda caught sight of two policemen speaking with the dean. The look of shock on his face as his eyes searched the crowd told Amanda the story, and without thinking her feet carried her to them.

Hannah followed, motioning for Jonno to come with her. They were by Amanda’s side to hear the news and gather their weeping friend to them, the graduation celebrations forgotten.

Amanda sat next to her father in the church, her mother’s coffin resting on a gurney in front of them, her uncle speaking at the pulpit. Although cheerful flowers matched her mother’s vibrant personality, Amanda had to close her eyes against the pain she felt looking at them atop the coffin. She could hear her mother’s laughter, see her flashing eyes and feel her arms around her.

It wasn’t until she felt a touch on her arm that she realised the pallbearers were making their way out of the church and on to the cemetery. Consumed by her own thoughts, she hadn’t heard a word of the service. She walked by herself to the hearse, tears clouding her vision.

Her father’s rigid posture and continuing silence were unnerving. Struggling with his grief and guilt, he had locked himself away, leaving Amanda to cope with the funeral arrangements.

She felt like she had aged dramatically in the two weeks since the accident. She would never forget seeing her mother in the coffin, cold and unresponsive, her scars from the accident cleverly hidden.The lady at the funeral home had helped do her mother’s hair and makeup, but it was Amanda who had chosen her outfit and fastened the silver bracelet that had been a gift for her fortieth birthday on her lifeless wrist.

It was hard to believe that only two weeks before she had been so full of hope and optimism for the future.

Choking back a sob, she ran to her car and sped away.

Chapter 2
2001

Amanda swung the pick, which bounced off the manure that was packed solid under the shearing shed. Despite the cold wind, a thin film of sweat covered her brow and she pulled up the hem of her shirt to wipe it off. There was about fifteen years’ worth of compressed sheep dung and she’d scored the great job of digging it out. There was barely enough room to stand under the shed, let alone swing the pick.

She crawled out on her knees and tried to stand up, gasping in pain as her muscles screamed in protest. With blistered hands she hauled the full barrow out into the open, not seeing a big lump of manure before the barrow hit it, tipping on its side, its contents emptying onto the ground.

‘Bugger!’ Amanda shouted, unable to stop angry tears from spilling down her cheeks as she swept all the manure back into the barrow with her hands. She swiped at the tears, smearing dung over her cheeks, then pushed the laden barrow over to the front-end loader’s bucket, full now from her hours of work. Amanda jumped into the driver’s seat and turned the key, before backing carefully out of the sheep yards and heading towards the huge pile of manure that sat on the fenceline bordering the laneway. Hitting the levers that controlled the bucket, she emptied the load onto the mound, then slumped forward, resting her head on the steering wheel. Surely there was more to her life than shovelling shit.

It was now four months since she had to come back to Kyleena to help her dad.The death of her mum hadn’t changed her plans – she’d always wanted, yearned, to come back to the farm – but the homecoming hadn’t been anything like she’d imagined it would be.And her rural exchange plans, to England, were looking more appealing by the day.

Her father had withdrawn into himself, not talking except to issue instructions – and far from being interested in the innovative ideas his daughter had for Kyleena, he had been stubborn and resistant. Last night was a prime example.

After convincing her dad to let her into the office, Amanda had discovered that the computer lacked a security program. When Brian had walked in with a cup of tea for her and wanted to know how she was getting on, Amanda had asked how he stopped viruses getting onto his computer. It was so important to have security to protect the files; it was one of the first things they’d learned at uni, she had told him. His face had darkened and he’d slammed the mug down, sloshing the hot liquid onto the desk, and left the room. Later, Amanda realised that he’d probably thought she was questioning his office ability, implying that he was old and out of touch. She hadn’t meant that at all.

Today, she’d done nothing but think about how she could fix what she had broken. Amanda was sure that her dad wouldn’t let her near the office again, let alone contribute to any of the managerial decisions. So instead of utilising her knowledge of budgets and farm improvements, she was fixing rundown fences, drenching sheep and, today’s glorious job, shovelling sheep shit.

Although she loved her father, her mum had often had to act as mediator between them. Being alike in many ways, there had been occasions when they had locked horns, the worst being when Amanda had decided she wanted to go to ag college. Her father had loudly disagreed, much to her surprise, since he had attended the same college she was applying to. But he maintained that ag college was no place for a woman; the social culture was too rough for his daughter.

The two-way suddenly crackled to life.

‘On channel, Mandy?’ her dad’s gruff voice asked through the two-way speaker.

Sighing but not shifting her head, she felt for the two-way receiver and responded.

‘I’m in number one paddock and I’ve just checked the dam,’ he said. ‘It’s getting a bit low and there’s two dead sheep stuck in the mud on the edge. You’ll need to come and pull them out.’

‘Why don’t you do it, since you’re on the spot?’ she demanded, resentment sweeping away her caution. The answering silence stretched into minutes, and finally Amanda drove the front-end loader into the shed, collected a rope and climbed onto her four-wheel motor bike, still fuming as she sped off.

Riding through the open gate into the paddock, Amanda saw her father sitting on the edge of the dam staring at the dead sheep. She could tell that his thoughts were elsewhere. Her gaze shifted to the dead ewes. As far as she could see, he hadn’t even tried to pull the sheep out of the mud himself.

As she approached, he stood up and came towards the bike. Levelling his face with hers, he looked her in the eye. ‘Don’t ever question my instructions on the two-way again! The rest of the district doesn’t need to know what’s going on at our place.You do as I say and no backchat, understand?’ he hissed.

Amanda folded her arms, her face set. ‘Dad, it would have been quicker for you to pull them out than for me to leave what I was doing and come out here.Time efficiency is important on a farm. What I’ve just done isn’t efficient.Time costs money. It’s not that hard a job. Not pleasant, granted, but not hard.’

Brian acted as if she hadn’t spoken. ‘Understand?’ he repeated.

‘Yes, Dad,’ she answered sullenly.

As she uncoiled the rope and tied it onto the back carrier, she heard her father walking towards his ute, the gravel crunching underfoot. As he closed the driver’s door, she lifted her head to look at him, and said, ‘Sorry about last night, Dad.’

There was a brief pause as he processed what she had said but then, without speaking, he turned the key in the ignition and drove away.

Staring at the carcasses, tears once again threatening, Amanda suddenly understood that his silence and these sheep were punishment for the night before. And she could see the blame in his eyes every time he looked at her – he thought she’d caused her mother’s death! As if she didn’t feel enough guilt without him heaping it on her. They had been on the way to her graduation after all.

Oh, she understood that he was grieving – she was too. But to survive, they had to move on. She knew when she lectured her stony-faced father, he saw her as cold and heartless. If only he could see inside her, see her own overwhelming sadness, then perhaps he would understand that she was trying to cope in her own way by focusing on Kyleena, on their future. But her father wasn’t interested in understanding her it seemed.

Ah well, she needed to get the animals out of the dam before they contaminated the water any further. Fixing the rope around one of the dead sheep’s legs, she rode slowly away, dragging the animal behind the bike. She steered towards a cluster of trees which would become the ewe’s final resting place. Breathing through her mouth to avoid the stench, she unhooked the rope and rode back to the dam to remove the other dead animal.

As the sun began to sink lower in the sky, Amanda made her way back to the house. She knew her father would be in his office, listening to the radio and drinking beer. Avoiding her.

As a child, the house had been bright and cheerful, full of laughter and fun. Her mother, Helena, had been a wonderful cook and gardener, as well as working alongside her father and keeping up with her original profession, journalism,by writing an occasional article for the rural papers. Since her death, the garden had grown wild and the house had lost its cosiness. It seemed to understand the occupants were slowly self-destructing.

Pushing open the door of her mother’s study, Amanda was hit by the smell. Finally the room smelled fresh and clean. It was like someone loved it again. When Amanda had first summonsed the courage to open the door, not long after the accident, it had still smelled like her mum. The moisturiser she used, her shampoo and soap. The book she was reading had been on the coffee table and the latest editorial she’d been working on sat unfinished on her desk.

The fragrance had faded over the months and when it had started to smell musty and rank Amanda knew she had to do something. She couldn’t bear leaving her mother’s favourite room to become unloved, so two weeks ago she had moved her computer onto the desk and claimed the area for her own. Her father had watched grimly as she had flung open the curtains, brushed the dust away and set a vase of her Mum’s favourite lavender on the table. He wouldn’t set foot over the threshold, arguing that it was Helena’s space and should be left the way it was.

Amanda hadn’t heeded his wishes, and tonight she opened the window and sat on the soft couch where her mother used to curl up and read on rainy days with her feet tucked up under her, her long, dark, wavy hair tumbling over the couch’s arm.

There was a photo on the desk showing Helena, Brian and a young Amanda in the garden. Amanda could just recall the day it was taken. The drought-breaking rains arrived from nowhere. A fierce storm had swept through, cooling the sweltering day, but it hadn’t fazed her mum, who was clothed in a thin cotton dress. She had danced in the rain, her arms outstretched and face turned towards the heavens as she laughed with joy, with hope. Her dad had run from the shed and taken his wife in his arms and together they’d delighted in the downpour, while their only child had watched from the verandah in wonder.

Fifty-three was too young to die, thought Amanda, tears springing to her eyes. And twenty-two was too young to lose your mum. She buried her head in the cushion, hoping to catch a hint of the fading essence of her mother.

Later that night, Amanda woke from a restless sleep, thirsty. Stumbling out to the kitchen to get a drink of water, she was alarmed by odd noises coming from her dad’s room. She made for the door, but was stopped in her tracks by the sound of gut-wrenching sobs and muttered words. Quietly pushing the door open a crack, she peered in. Standing at the foot of the bed with his back to her was her dad, his shoulders heaving with sobs. He held a photograph of Helena, the silver frame reflecting in the moonlight that filtered through the open curtain.

‘Why, Helena, why? How could this happen after everything we’ve been through? After all we did to stay together? How could you leave me now?’

Chapter 3

A chill cut through the air early in the evening; winter was setting in. Amanda once again retreated to the study to work on the Kyleena production plan that she’d been formulating since coming home. Whenever she had time between finishing her work and returning to the house in the evening Amanda had been slowly rediscovering Kyleena.

In the past six months she’d driven every fence line and walked over every acre of land. She’d checked which dam catchments needed grading so there’d be sufficient water storage throughout the summer, which paddocks needed new fences or pasture renovation and what stock there was. She had ideas about new management strategies that would help increase income but how to get her dad to listen to her was an unanswered question.

Most nights she entered all the notes she’d made onto her computer in order to compile a farm business plan. Even if her father refused to look at it, it was something Amanda had wanted to do ever since she first returned from college. At first she’d updated it and changed it as she learned more about the farm; it had kept her skills fresh and given her work a purpose. But as time passed, her enthusiasm was eroding. She was losing hope.

Looking beyond the computer screen her eyes fell on the dead grass that used to be a lawn. Her mum would’ve been so disappointed to see the garden the way it was now. Jumping up, Amanda went into the garden and looked around. What could she do to make this place look like a home? Did she even want to? Would that make the niggling feeling of wanting to leave and not come back go away? Maybe.

The only things flowering were some red geraniums and a couple of lavender plants. Amanda kneeled down next to the flowerbed and started tugging at weeds that were knee high. After ten minutes she leaned back to survey her work. She’d only managed to clear a patch about a metre wide. Shaking her head at the futility of it all and feeling the need to escape, she jumped up, dusted off her jeans, grabbed her keys and headed over to the old Volkswagen beetle that she’d bought before going to college. She might as well go into town and check her post office box.

Smiling at the familiar VW engine noise, she remembered Hannah and Jonno laughing at her car the first day she had pulled up in the college car park. They had been standing admiring a new ute when Amanda crawled past, trying to find a park amid all the V8s covered in aerials, stickers and shiny hubs. She’d looked at Jonno – his long muscly frame and blond hair – and thought he was the most gorgeous creature she had ever seen. Finding a space, she parked and climbed out, smiling shyly at them.

Jonno had wolf-whistled and started walking over, with Hannah following behind. Amanda, thinking he was whistling at her, blushed when she realised he was intent on her car instead.

‘Hey, hey, we’ve got a seventies babe here, Han,’ Jonno had said, running his hand over the roof.

Amanda had taken a deep breath and stood up with fire in her eyes. ‘Got a problem with that?’ she asked, eyeing Jonno’s tall frame, dark eyes and handsome tanned face.

‘Nah, mate, excellent car. Add a few peace signs and it’ll be perfect. Love the colour. Purple. Did you paint it yourself?’ He grinned at her. Behind him, Hannah rolled her eyes, while making circles with her fingers to indicate Jonno was a bit barmy.

‘Uh-huh,’ Amanda said. ‘And which classy ride might yours be?’

‘Ah, well, if you want to see a ute that will win all the beaut ute comps around Western Australia, madam, come this way,’ he said, sweeping his arm towards the shiny black Holden ute they’d been admiring earlier. The tailgate and back window were covered in stickers and the bullbar was spray-painted a bright pink.

Amanda raised her eyebrows when she saw it – to think he had the balls to bag her car!

‘Is this thing alive?’ she grinned, gesturing at the bullbar. Hannah’s smothered laugh followed her as Amanda made a big deal of approaching with caution, musing,‘Mm, a couple of fluorescent green stripes here and a bright pink flower on the bonnet, in keeping with that bullbar . . .’ She straightened up and looked Jonno in the eye.‘What do you think?’

Hannah and Jonno had both laughed before Jonno leaned towards Amanda and whispered conspiratorially, ‘You know what’s worse? I have to share it with her,’ jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards Hannah. ‘She’s the reason I have a pink bullbar on my ute.’

‘Yeah,’ Hannah said, ‘it’s a bastard having to share with your brother, hey?’

‘You’re brother and sister?’ Amanda asked, amazed and delighted, they didn’t look anything alike.

‘We’re twins actually,’ Hannah said, and stuck out her hand. ‘I’m Hannah Mardey and this is Jonno.’

From that first handshake with Jonno, Amanda’s insides had curled with desire; she’d wanted to grab him and hang on. But she and Hannah had quickly become best friends and soon after Amanda had decided she couldn’t make a play for her closest friend’s twin brother. She couldn’t stuff up a great relationship. She was also at college to learn and make the most of her opportunity. That didn’t involve having a distraction – no matter how much she desired him.

Amanda sighed as she slowed on the outskirts of Esperance. She should phone Hannah and have a debrief while she was out. That would cheer her up.

Brian opened another beer and watched the tail-lights of Amanda’s car until she hit the end of the drive and flicked her blinker on. He knew he was being harsh towards her, refusing to listen to her thoughts and ideas, but Helena’s death had robbed him of his interest in life. He didn’t want to hear any of Amanda’s plans. He didn’t want to farm. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to live.

He covered his face with his hands as that awful day replayed itself in his mind, yet again . . .

Brian and Helena had left Kyleena early the morning of Amanda’s graduation, Helena filling a thermos with coffee and making sandwiches for the seven-hour journey. Most of the trip had been spent discussing how they were going to save Kyleena from bankruptcy. Helena had been saying she didn’t think they could afford Amanda’s wages when Brian had suddenly felt so tired and weighed down that he didn’t think he could drive anymore.

He’d gently covered his wife’s mouth with his hand to silence her. Her eyes had been startled at first but he watched as mischief flickered through them and she licked his hand. He’d grinned, thinking how lucky he was to have such a wife and regretfully took his hand away. He’d asked for a cup of coffee from the thermos and she’d undone her seatbelt to reach into the back. He’d watched the curve of her behind as she’d leaned over the back seat and then reached up to smack her bum. He couldn’t remember anything more. Until he had woken up in hospital. Until the doctor had told him Helena was dead.

Brian held his clenched fist to his mouth. If only he hadn’t taken his eyes off the road. If only Amanda had listened to him and not gone to college, they’d never have been on the road that day. If only . . .

Brian went to his filing cabinet and pulled out the mail that had been accumulating there for the last three months. He flicked through it, leaving the myriad bills and letters from the bank unopened. He’d had six letters in the past three months. Then there were the phone messages that the bank manager, Malcolm Mackay, had been leaving. Brian no longer answered the phone, letting all calls go through to the answering machine. And when it was something he couldn’t do anything about, he just deleted the message. He knew he couldn’t go on like this for much longer; the question was how to find the energy to make a decision. With Helena by his side, he could’ve worked out a plan, but now he just didn’t care anymore.

Heaving himself up from the desk, he moved over to the photo on the wall. His mother and father smiled at him and Brian wondered, not for the first time, what they would make of his life now. No wife, nearly bankrupt, with a daughter he had to keep at arm’s length because she kept pushing him, not knowing when to stop.

He knew that Amanda was champing at the bit to take over the farm, but it wasn’t that simple. He was of a generation that had had it instilled that it was the son who managed the farm. He had just about worked through all those feelings, with Helena’s help, when she was killed. Resentment and anger had brought them back. And then there was the fact that she thought she knew everything because she’d had three years of book learning! But where was the practical experience she needed? You couldn’t run a farm without that. Six thousand acres equated to a lot of sheep, cattle and cropping and all of that needed understanding to keep things running well. Even though he loved his daughter, Amanda hadn’t spent enough time at Kyleena to have gained the necessary experience. He knew Helena would have wanted him to encourage Amanda – Helena herself had had some very progressive ideas – but he just didn’t have the energy. It took all the strength he had just to get up every morning and face the day.

Rising, he gathered up the letters from the bank and hid them back in his filing cabinet.Then he locked the door of the office and went into the kitchen to see what Amanda had left him for tea.

Amanda looked at the envelope in her hand. She was pleased she’d come to town. Sitting on the hill just out of Esperance, where she could get mobile reception, she’d spoken with Hannah for half an hour. They’d caught up on all the gossip of college friends, discussed the pros and cons of Hannah’s job as a grain marketer, and talked about Amanda’s arguments with her father and her plans for Kyleena. Hearing her friend’s voice had made the day seem bearable, and she’d been in a much more cheerful frame of mind when she pulled up at the post office to collect her mail.

As well as the usual assortment of farming magazines and junk mail, there was a postcard from Katie, who was now on an agricultural exchange in Ireland and a thick, creamy envelope with a gold emblem on the top left-hand corner bearing a solicitor’s name. Her name was typed in bold black ink and above it, in red were the words Private & confidential. Tearing open the envelope she began to read, her eyes widening. Then she began to cry. Her mother had bequeathed Amanda her half of Kyleena.

Chapter 4
1934

Twenty-year-old Michael Greenfield swung out of his Dodge truck and landed with a soft thump on the ground. A puff of dust rose around his ankles and he brushed away the small bush flies that clustered around his eyes.

Standing stock-still, he listened. He’d been told there was a river running through this piece of land and he would find it by listening and then following the sound. This was where he would set up camp. But he heard nothing, except unfamiliar birdcalls. He glanced around at the low scrubby bush, which was also foreign, and took a couple of tentative steps. The land was covered with trees and small scrubby bushes – he was still to learn all the names – yet it was easy to walk through and the richness of the soil was plain to see. Yes, the potential was there.

To admit he felt apprehensive would be to admit weakness, but the mixed emotions of excitement, awe and anxiety gave way to a certain trepidation; his adviser had warned him of the harshness of the environment.

As he walked through the bush, stopping once in a while to listen for the river, he kept an eye open for Y-shaped branches and a long straight one. These would hold up the canvas for his humpy.

Stumbling over a tree root, he gasped as a long, thin black snake with a yellow belly reared up, its head flattened, ready to strike. Michael froze. A new-found friend had boasted that there was at least one snake to every acre in Esperance, a fact Michael hadn’t been pleased to hear. After what seemed like hours, the snake backed down and slithered on its way. His first lesson.

As his breathing and heart rate slowed, he finally heard the trickling water. Glancing around to be certain the snake had gone, he walked towards the noise.

Time had passed quickly since Michael had come ashore after landing at the docks in Esperance. He had been met by a Mr Frank O’Connor from the Agricultural Bank, as his father had promised, and this gentleman had proved to be most obliging. Mr O’Connor had not only provided all the supplies and equipment he would need over the coming months, he had introduced him to many other settlers. If he knew why Michael had left England, he gave no indication.

Michael’s flatbed Dodge was loaded with tea, flour and sugar, all in fifty-pound bags, two axes, saws and a wedge, along with a file to sharpen them. There was a canvas for his shelter, a wagga and palliasse – Michael had realised as Mr O’Connor listed what was on the back of the truck that it wasn’t just the names of the flora and fauna he needed to learn, there was a whole new language.

He had been told a drover would arrive with his livestock in the coming days. The sheep, cattle, pigs and chooks would provide meat, milk and eggs, and Mr O’Connor had even thought to find him a good dog, not only for work but for company.

After a week in Esperance, learning from the other settlers and Mr O’Connor, Michael had reluctantly left the homely setting of his boarding house room, the beer house and company to start his new life in the wilderness, far from his family and the comforts to which he was accustomed. He had even begun to miss England – but no, he would not think about home. He had come to forget misdemeanours caused by others and forge a new life for himself. He would not allow himself to have regrets.

He found a forked branch and, with unpractised hands, started to saw. To build his new home and what he hoped would be his empire.

Chapter 5

Amanda crouched down under the tractor, unscrewed the oil plug and watched as the thick, black oil poured from the hole. It didn’t look like it’d been changed in years! She shook her head, knowing that her father was perfectly capable of this job, but insisted on having a mechanic do it.Well, it was obvious the mechanic hadn’t been doing his job. She tucked the spanner under her arm and wiped her oily hands on a rag, thinking about her father.

At this moment, she’d take a bet that he was in the house changing from his work clothes into a fresh set. She didn’t know where he was going this time, but he was spending more and more time off the farm. And whenever he was home, he seemed lost in thought or locked in his office.

As the last few drips fell from the oil well, she thought about how lost in grief he was, but if she was able to continue on, surely he could too.

The click of boots on gravel sounded behind her and she turned and saw him appear around the corner of the shed.

‘You there Mandy,’ he called.

‘Yeah,’ she said walking out. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked as she saw his frame stiffen.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ he said, nodding towards the oily rag in her hand.

‘Changing the oil in the tractor. It doesn’t look like it’s been done for years!’

‘The mechanic looks after the tractor.’

‘I know, but there was a filter and enough oil here and I thought I’d save us some money. Plus, it’s not like there’s much happening today.’

‘Well that’s about to change. You need to go out to Karru paddock quick smart and get the sheep in. I’ve organised Natty and the shearers to come and crutch tomorrow,’ he said brusquely before turning to leave. ‘I won’t be back ’til late. Got a pastures field day on down at the research station.’

Amanda didn’t even realise she was holding her breath until she heard his ute start up. Fuming, she threw the spanner viciously on the floor. Who did he think he was, issuing orders like she was a workman?

Amanda opened the paddock gate and swung it against the fence so the sheep could walk through. As she rode towards the ewes, she started to assess them, then let out a snort of disgust. Dags as big as fists hung from their hindquarters and she could see where the ewes had been tearing at their wool. Bloody lice. She would have to say something to her dad when he returned tonight. See if she could convince him to buy some long-wool lice treatment. At least he’d tried to beat the problem of flies by crutching early but the shearers would have a fit when they saw the rear ends of those sheep.

The lambs that stayed close to their mothers were obviously from different lambings. Some looked to be four months old, while others were newborns; all were unmarked. In the ideal lambing, ewes would be mated for six or eight weeks, so that all the lambs could be marked and then weaned at the same time, rather than end up with a higgledy-piggledy mess. As well as crutching tomorrow, she would have to try to mark the lambs.

A feeling of claustrophobia hit Amanda so strongly that she had to stop the bike. Did she really want to go on with this? Her father had always been a good farmer and the mess that was in front of her wasn’t his way of running a farm. It was almost as if he’d given up. She couldn’t understand why he would – he still had to do something since her mother had died; why let Kyleena get so rundown while he grieved only to have to build it back up again?

Amanda had done a lot of thinking about the inheritance her mother had left her. The half-share in Kyleena gave her a lot more say in the decision making than she had ever thought possible. Maybe it was the way to give her dad some space. Help him find his feet again. If she could get him to agree to some of her ideas, or at least give her some slack to run things the way she wanted to, maybe if the hard yakka was taken out of his hands, he’d want to start farming again. And she might want to stay. Hope filled her as she started the bike again.

As the sheep slowly made their way into the yards, Amanda noticed her dad’s ute parked at the end of the driveway. She would have thought he was long gone by now. As she watched, a white sedan appeared at the front gate and parked next to the ute. Brian materialised and shook the hand of the older man, who was dressed in a suit and a tie. After some discussion, the man opened the door of his car, pulled out a briefcase, put some papers on the bonnet and handed Brian what seemed to be a pen. It looked like her father signed some documents, passed them back and held his hand out to the man. Then Brian climbed into his ute and headed down the drive. Meanwhile, the other man got into his sedan and drove towards the shed and sheep yards. Amanda revved her bike to finish getting the sheep into the yards, chained the gate and walked out into the open so the man had no choice but to stop and talk to her.

‘Hi, can I help you?’ she asked as the car slowed and the window was wound down.

‘No thanks. I caught up with Brian and I’m just on my way now. Can’t turn around in that narrow drive of yours, which is why I’ve come up to the sheds,’ he said, smiling at her as he put his hand out the window. ‘I’m Malcolm Mackay, manager of the Western Bank.’

‘Amanda Greenfield,’ said Amanda, shaking his hand.

‘Ah, you must be Brian’s daughter? I can’t believe we’ve never met in all the time that I’ve been working with your parents. Then again, you went to boarding school and then on to college. I must say, I’ve heard so many glowing reports about you from your father.’

‘Have you?’ said Amanda, incredulous.

‘Oh, yes. He’s very proud of you. Especially since you topped your class at college then agreed to return home when he needed you most. He’s taken your mother’s death very hard. How are you coping?’

‘Oh well, I guess we all have our moments. So can I help with anything?’ she asked, pleased that her dad had been talking about her so highly to others.

‘No, no. I caught Brian in the driveway and he’s signed the papers that I needed. I’m just about to start talking to a valuer to work out how much Kyleena is worth. We’ll move on to thinking about advertising once we know more. As I said to your father, Kyleena is bound to be worth a great deal, being such a large parcel of land so close to town. Anyway, I’d best be off, I’ve got another appointment shortly. Great to meet you, Amanda. Bye.’

Amanda gaped at him, bewildered.‘Wait a minute . . .’ she began, but Malcolm had already wound his window up and started to move slowly forward. Amanda ran beside him and banged on the window. ‘What do you mean? Kyleena’s not for sale,’ she said.

Malcolm wound down the window. ‘Sorry?’

‘What are you talking about? Is Kyleena for sale?’ She could hear the panic in her voice.

Malcolm shook his head. ‘No, no, Amanda, you misunderstood. I didn’t say it was for sale. I can see I’ve shocked you. I am sorry. Brian told me he was going speak to you last night, he must’ve run out of time. We’re having the farm valued so you and Brian can assess your options.Your parents have been facing problems for some years. Selling is only one option though. We’ll talk it all through after we’ve had the valuations done.’

‘I haven’t heard anything about this! What sort of problems?’

‘Financial circumstances I’m afraid. Between you and me, I don’t think Brian has the desire to go on farming since your mother passed away.’

‘What?’ said Amanda in a shrill voice. Surely he couldn’t be serious – Brian loved this land. She loved this land.

‘Maybe you need to take this up with your father. I’ll be in touch soon,’ said Malcolm, his face sympathetic.

Reeling from shock, Amanda slowly made her way back to the yards and leant heavily against them. She’d had no idea that the farm was so deeply in debt. How had that happened? Her mother had never said anything to indicate there was a problem. And her dad, well it had been a while since Amanda had had an in-depth conversation with him about anything.

Suddenly everything made sense. The fences that were in bad condition, the weeds that had taken over the laneways, and the machinery that was being patched up instead of fixed properly. What Amanda was seeing on Kyleena hadn’t just happened overnight. The state of disrepair was not the result of the seven months since her mother had died; it had been happening over years.

Amanda spent all day making sure everything was prepared so that the crutching would run smoothly. She had drafted the sheep and marked the lambs that needed it. The bleating of lambs wanting their mums filled the air. Normally the noise wouldn’t have annoyed her, but today with her head in a whirl, it irritated her. She felt overwhelmed by panic, thinking Kyleena could be yanked out from beneath her.

As the day wore on, she went about her jobs thinking through possibilities until a plan began to take shape. It was almost as if she was on automatic pilot as she swept out the shed, which was filled with dust from the summer, put new emery papers in the grinder so it was ready to sharpen shearing gear.

As the sun finally started to sink, she ran all the ewes up into the shed, ready for an early start the next day. Utterly spent, but satisfied at a job well done, Amanda hoisted herself on the board of the shed and sat there, legs swinging, listening to the shuffle of the sheep and mulling over her plan. She was sure that it was workable.

The house was dark and quiet when Amanda entered, but she knew where her father would be. Knocking gently, she opened the office door and found him sitting at his desk, surrounded by beer cans. A half-empty bottle of red wine was at his elbow.

‘Wha’ do you want?’ he slurred, looking at her with bloodshot eyes.

‘I need to talk to you,’ said Amanda tremulously. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that Kyleena was in financial trouble?’

Brian’s face clouded over. ‘How did you find out?’

‘Does it matter? I know now. And I know that you’re going to have it valued, which means you intend to sell. When did you plan to tell me? When you expected me to help pack the farm up, load the trucks and send the stock to the sale yards? How could you do that? Why was it all such a secret?’ Amanda knew her voice was rising but she couldn’t stay calm.

‘You don’t understand. Wouldn’t know what your mother and I have been through.’

‘Dad, please, why are you shutting me out? I could help you, we could work together. We could save Kyleena together if you wanted to involve me. Isn’t that what Mum would have wanted? For goodness’ sake, you can’t completely drop your bundle the way you have. I know you miss her – I do too – but we’ve got to move on together, otherwise we’ll fall apart.’ But Amanda’s impassioned plea fell on deaf ears.

‘Don’t bring your mother into this,’ Brian shouted. ‘It’s my farm and I’ll do what I want with it.Your mother would do the same thing.’

‘No,’ said Amanda,struggling to control her emotions. ‘She would’ve talked to me. She would’ve talked about her grief and sadness if you’d died instead of her. She would’ve included me in the decision making and not treated me like a labourer for the past seven months the way you have.

‘Do you really think I’m going to let you sell what you, Mum and your parents worked so hard for?’

‘Who the hell do you think you are, comin’ in here and talkin’ to me like that? Get out!’ he roared, pointing a finger at the door.‘Get out of my office and get out of my house!’

‘You can’t sell Kyleena without my permission and you know it.’ Amanda called over her shoulder as she fled the office, slamming the door behind her. Running to her mother’s study she dropped onto the couch and began to sob.

Amanda had no idea how long she lay there crying but when she finally stopped, her mind was made up. She went to her room and collected her clothes and photos, then returned to the study for her computer and books.

As she drove away, she promised herself she would only come back into this house as the owner. She would save Kyleena for her mother, for Michael and Grace Greenfield, and for herself.

Chapter 6

Amanda nervously smoothed her skirt as she walked into the bank for her ten o’clock appointment. She introduced herself to the receptionist and then paced the room’s perimeter until she heard a voice call out: ‘Hi, Amanda, good to see you.’

She swung around at the sound of Malcolm Mackay’s voice. ‘Thank you – and thank you for seeing me on such short notice,’ she said.

‘No problem, come through.’ Malcolm ushered her in front of him and signalled for the secretary to bring coffee. When they were seated in the office Amanda watched as Malcolm’s kindly eyes studied her closely. She knew what he would see as she had seen it herself in the mirror that morning. Her face was drawn tight with grief and tiredness, while her brown, wavy hair hung listlessly below her shoulders. Her eyes were red and she seemed older than her twenty-two years.

‘So how can I help?’ Malcolm asked.

‘I’m worried that Dad wants to sell Kyleena. But I’m sure he can’t do it without my permission. I’ve had a letter from the solicitor telling me Mum willed her half of the farm to me,’ Amanda blurted out.

‘Yes, I knew she was going to do that. And you’re right; your father can’t do much without your permission. But like I said to you the other day, selling is only one option.’

‘I just can’t believe that Dad would consider it,’ said Amanda. ‘After he and Pop worked so hard to build it up, it’s just wrong. But if he’s not prepared to run the farm, I’ll do it myself.’

The bank manager looked dubious. ‘Do you really want the responsibility of running a big farm with a large debt?’ he asked. ‘You’re only twenty-two. I’d have thought you’d rather be out having fun with your friends.’

‘I’ve had three years of doing that at ag college,’ Amanda replied, shaking her head.‘I didn’t realise how things stood with Kyleena, but now that I do, I’m ready to take it on. I’ve been putting together a business plan.’ She bent down and opened the beaten-up leather briefcase which had been her mother’s and brought out a display folder. She placed it in front of Malcolm. ‘Here’s a five-year plan. I’ve updated it since I’ve been home, and if you can back me on this, I won’t let you down.’ She fixed him with her most determined gaze.

Malcolm didn’t move to pick up the folder, but leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. ‘We do seem to be forgetting one thing here, Amanda. You are only one half of the partnership. Your father is the other, and in the conversations I’ve had with him, I can’t see you changing his mind. I also was under the impression you had been accepted for an agricultural exchange in England in a few months’ time. What about that?’

Just for a moment, Amanda allowed herself to dwell on the plans she knew now, she would have to give up. There was no doubt what she was undertaking would mean she couldn’t go to England now . . .

‘Yes I was – but I can’t let Kyleena be sold. It’s been in our family too long. I realise that Dad is going to be hard to sway, but I’m hoping you can help me.’ She took a shaky breath and continued. ‘Dad and I had an argument the night I met you in the drive and you told me about the valuer. I . . . I left the farm. But if you like my plan and can offer me the finance I need, we might be able to talk Dad round.’

‘Where have you been staying?’

‘At the backpackers,’ Amanda confessed. ‘But I can’t stay there much longer. I hate being in town and I’m running out of money. I’ve been asking Dad about a wage for months but he just keeps giving me a hundred bucks here or a hundred and fifty there. Now I know why. I just can’t understand why he never talked to me about it.’ Her voice betrayed her hurt.

‘Your father is emotionally exhausted at the moment,’ Malcolm said gently. ‘I think you’ll find that’s why he wants to get out of farming. Maybe you both need some time before we start this process. Due to the bereavement in your family, the bank would be willing to offer a grace period of a couple of weeks. Just to make sure your head is in the right place. Big decisions are never made well under pressure. It might also give you time to sort things out with Brian. You may not need to use our mediation service.’

‘No! I need to do it now – I need a purpose,’ Amanda blurted.

‘I suppose the big question is: can you work with your father?’

‘I’m sure I can,’ Amanda cried, hoping it was true. ‘I know it won’t be easy, but if we both try to understand each other’s point of view . . .’

The bank manager looked at her for a moment, tapping his finger on the desk as if in thought. Then he cleared his throat. ‘Okay, here’s what we’ll do. I’ll look at your business plan. Then, if it stacks up, I’ll consider financing it and we’ll work out a plan to chat to Brian. But I’m not making any promises.

‘You have to understand that the bank will look at three things.’ He ticked off the points on his fingers. ‘One, how will the debt be serviced? Two, how are you going to move forward as a business? And three, do you have a succession plan? If the plan we put in place doesn’t work and there is a family rift, then how will it be worked out in the end? Do you understand that?’ Amanda nodded. ‘Right, I’d better get some more coffee; this might take a while.’

Chapter 7
Autumn 1934

Michael came in from his day’s toil exhausted; his body was still adjusting to the unaccustomed labour. He slumped in front of the smouldering fire at the front of his hut.

His vision for Kyleena – as he’d named the thousand-acre property – remained strong, even though the inroads he’d made in the last three months were small. He was fortunate to have more capital than most and had put some of that into building a small hut, which was now his home. The vegetable garden that he’d established in the first week of moving to Kyleena was producing magnificent leafy vegetables, although he was fighting a never-ending war with rabbits. On the last trip he’d made into town, he’d bought a roll of rabbit-proof wire netting and, thankfully, it seemed to be proving effective. His next big project was to finish clearing the land for his stock. Other farming families had plenty of sons to help with clearing, but Michael had only himself, so he had had to hire labour. He had found young Thomas Cramm, who was the son of the boardinghouse owner, Anna Cramm, on one of his trips into Esperance. Thomas was proving most obliging. Michael always worried about his stock when he had to make the two-day trip. Having Thomas staying on Kyleena while he was absent eased the concern.

Michael wondered what his mother would say if she could see him now. His hands were blistered and his skin burnt. The heat had dictated that he shave off his moustache, and the bowler hat that he’d worn so proudly on the docks of London had been replaced by a wide-brimmed felt hat with corks hung on string roughly punched through the edge in the hope the swinging movement would keep the flies away.

He moved slowly about his small camp, his dog Bowy at his side as he cut strips from the pig carcass he had strung from a tree, wrapped in wet calico. As Michael threw the meat into the cast-iron camp oven and then lowered it into the coals, he made sure the three horses, fifty sheep and two cows he had purchased were in their holding yard right next to his shed. If the dingos the settlers had been having trouble with lately came hunting that night, Bowy and Michael would be able to run them off.

Once his nightly chores were completed he sat in front of his fire and wrote a letter to his family by firelight. It must be completed tonight as he was once again leaving to collect his monthly supplies in Esperance tomorrow. The trip would be arduous, as the two-wheel track that followed the telegraph line would be deep with sand. His journal sat alongside of him, and once he had finished his correspondence, he would carefully document his daily work, so future generations could see how he’d made Kyleena a profitable farm.

Chapter 8

‘Yeah, I have been blaming you for your mother’s death.’ Brian looked down at the table, his elbows resting on the edge, his hands clasped in front of his mouth.

Tears sprang to Amanda’s eyes with the admission. It was what she had surmised, but to actually hear it . . . well, she didn’t know how to respond. She reached across the space dividing them to touch his arm. ‘I’m sorry, Dad. I blame myself too. If only . . .’

‘If only we hadn’t been on that bloody road going to your graduation!’ Brian slammed his fists on the table. ‘She’d still be here . . .’ His voice cracked.

‘I’m not sure that kind of accusation is helpful here, Brian,’ Malcolm interrupted.‘We’re not here to apportion blame; we’re trying to work out a future plan.’

Brian’s face turned red as he asked gruffly, ‘So you think Amanda’s plan might help the cash flow?’

‘I’m sure of it,’ Malcolm replied.

‘Tell me then, Amanda, what’s this grand plan of yours?’

Amanda, still teary from Brian’s accusation, took a few deep breaths before answering. ‘Kyleena is really productive country, as we know – it’s quite special in the Esperance shire, with so much land being sand plain or mallee country. We’ve got this rich river country that will produce practically anything. I think we both admit that cropping isn’t our thing, except for stock feed. I know you’ve tried it, but it’s so dependent on good weather at the right time, even though the returns look high on paper. Traditionally the May to July period is our peak debt, without also trying to find the extra money for chemicals and fertiliser, which just puts more financial pressure on that time of the year.

‘Likewise, growing wool and wethers is not going to make enough money. I know you’ve tried prime lambs and you don’t think it’s an option, but I believe it can be. I think you might’ve just been using the wrong rams and not understood how the industry works.

‘I think we could also include some hay-making for sales.There’s a lot of people who don’t have their own hay gear, so we could grow it on Kyleena and sell it to other farmers. And there’s always the export market. I know we’re probably a bit far away to access that market but we could research it a bit.

‘The people who have horses on only a few acres are always looking for good-quality hay as well. I’ve also been thinking about contract work . . .’ Amanda paused as her father rose from the table abruptly.

‘I think I’ve heard quite enough,’ Brian barked. He looked furious.‘So what I’ve done in the past isn’t good enough for you, eh? You’ve learned more than I know at that bloody college and you can run Kyleena better than I could, is that it?’

‘Brian, Brian, let’s calm down.’ Malcolm stood up and held his hand out in a soothing gesture. ‘Amanda isn’t saying she can do things better. She’s suggesting some things could be done differently. That’s all. Differently. If you’ve looked over the notes I gave to you last week, all of your enterprises are still in there – the wool and cattle. This is just expanding on your original farm plan to include some extra things to help create the cash flow needed.’

Amanda held her breath as she mentally kicked herself. She had got so caught up in her plan she hadn’t thought about her father’s feelings – again. When will I learn? she wondered. If he walked out now, it would be her fault.

The tension in the room lifted as Brian slumped down in his chair. He looked defeated, but when he started to talk his voice was strong.

‘Here’s how I see it,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t give a stuff about Kyleena at the moment. Amanda, you think you can run it, go for it. It’s yours to have a crack at. I can see you’ve got the ideas and the drive to do it. I need some time to get over your mother’s death and if you can implement some of these ideas and get it running smoothly before you go to England, then that’s fine. I’ll take over for the six months you’re away, then when you come back we’ll reassess the situation. I want a wage, will still live on the farm, and can come and go as I please.You can do everything else. See if you think it’s so easy when it’s all your responsibility.’

‘Dad, it’s only three months until I leave . . . I won’t be able to get the changes up and running by then.’ Amanda was still hanging on to the slim chance that she could further her knowledge in England.

‘That’s my offer. Otherwise, we sell. I don’t want Kyleena at the moment and I’m not sure I ever will again.’

Malcolm shuffled his papers in front of him and Amanda stared blindly at the table while she weighed up what her father had proposed. It was an impossible task. You couldn’t fix something in three months that had taken years to break.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Brian got to his feet and said, ‘I’ll be off now. See you at home. You can tell me what you decide then.’ He walked from the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

‘I think I’ve just had an invitation to go back home,’ Amanda said, more to herself than Malcolm, then she let her head slump to the table and groaned. ‘Ah, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck! This stuff is exhausting. I spent last night trying so hard to think of how to say everything, and I still stuffed it up today. I made it sound like everything Mum and Dad had done was a failure.’

Malcolm was silent.

Amanda propped her head onto her fists and asked, ‘So where does that leave us?’

‘It means we can go ahead and get the papers drawn up for you to access finance. I’ll get Brian to sign some papers agreeing to this deal – if you want it. Do you?’

Amanda shook her head, trying to take everything in.‘I can’t get Kyleena up and running in three months. It’s absurd to even think I can make a difference in that time. I can start with the easy-fix things first, like getting rid of the lice and tidying up the sheep, but I can’t turn around the finances or make a profit in that time. Of course I’ll take the deal, though. I’ll have to rethink England. I was already in two minds about it anyway.’

‘Well I’ve explained the stringent conditions of the finance, haven’t I? You won’t have a lot of room to move in the beginning. We want a stock mortgage, which will mean with every animal you sell the money comes straight to the bank, and we want a crop lien if you put in a crop. We’ll have a monthly meeting to assess the budget that we have approved.

‘And I have to warn you, Amanda, you can’t stray too far from the financial plan that we have agreed on. Head office can easily withdraw the offer of finance. I’ve had to really push for them to agree to this – and I have pushed, because your plan is workable, but you are going to have to prove that you can do this and get the runs on the board. Do you understand all of that?’

‘Yeah, I do.’

Despite her relief at the chance to save Kyleena she felt stricken by her father’s outburst and sad that he didn’t want to be a part of turning it around. And what she was undertaking was a huge risk and she wondered if she’d be able to pull it off.

Malcolm’s face softened. ‘If you get into trouble with money and you need more, or you want to do something that will make an improvement or help make money later, come and see me. I’ll help you as much as I can. The farming industry needs young people like you – you’ll go far, Amanda, if you work smart now.’

Amanda listened intently, feeling that he was trying to tell her something else, but she was too tired and emotional to understand what.

‘Thank you for your help and your belief in me, Malcolm. I won’t let you down.’ She stood up, suddenly yearning for the wide open spaces of home. ‘When will I have to sign the papers?’

‘I’ll call head office now, so in about a week’s time, I’d imagine. I’ll ring you and come out to Kyleena with them.’

They walked together down the corridor, then Amanda shook Malcolm’s hand, thanked him and stepped out into the street.

A short time later, Amanda sat in a car park on the seafront, watching the cold front blowing the dark clouds across the sky and the wind whip the sea into a frenzy of whitecaps. The misty rain fell gently, hiding the islands in the Recherche Archipelago, and a lone gull strutted along the beach, its feathers lifted in the wind.

It had happened. Kyleena was hers. But she didn’t feel the satisfaction that she thought she would. If her dad had passed it over willingly, she was sure she’d feel differently. He’d only done it because he was angry, hurt and didn’t have the strength to farm anymore, not because he thought she could manage Kyleena well. And that made for a hollow victory.

How could she make her dad see that she wanted his approval? That she wanted for them to work together? She wanted to get along with him, have conversations about farming, and enjoy sorting out sheep and cattle together. But it was pretty obvious that wouldn’t be happening.

Beside her on the front seat was the Kyleena production plan, or the KPP as she was calling it. Idly she flicked through it, trying to work out the best place to start. She was pretty sure it was with the sheep. The hundred or so cattle that were running on the flats of Kyleena had been marked and ear tagged and weren’t due to be weaned for another three or four months.They could be left alone for a little while. It was definitely the sheep. She needed to talk to her dad, find out the mating dates of the ewes and make some decisions from there.

She started the car and went to the ATM.The balance showed she was down to her last two hundred dollars. Not knowing when she would have any money coming in, she withdrew one hundred, leaving the other for emergencies, and went to the supermarket to get some supplies. After refuelling the VW she headed home for the first time in two weeks.

Chapter 9

A week had passed since Amanda had gone back to Kyleena as the new manager. At first, she and her father had avoided each other, passing only in the kitchen at meal times or on the way to the lounge to watch TV. Amanda was leaving before sun-up and returning after dark, while Brian was spending a lot of time in his office or bedroom.

But that changed on Tuesday night. Amanda was cooking dinner – she’d decided to leave Brian to fend for himself, since the meals she’d cooked for him the first three days had gone untouched – when the phone rang.

Brian answered it from his office and after a short while he came into the kitchen.

‘Smells good,’ he commented. ‘What is it?’

‘Lamb shank stew,’ replied Amanda, her back to him as she mashed the potatoes.

Brian was quiet for a moment, then said, ‘Your mother used to make that.’

‘Yeah she did. Who do you think I learned it from?’

‘Did she teach you much about cooking?’ Brian asked.

‘A bit. I would’ve liked to have learned more.’ Amanda turned around to face him. ‘Sometimes when you were out late on the tractor putting in the oats crop we’d make fun things like pizza and nachos. We’d watch a movie, and then go to bed.’ It felt good to talk to someone who knew her mother as well as she did. ‘Would you like some stew?’

Her father seemed not to have heard as he stared at the pot simmering on the stove.

‘Dad?’

‘Uh, yeah, that’d be good.’ Silence. ‘That was Malcolm on the phone. He’ll be here at nine tomorrow with the papers to sign. Call me when tea’s ready.’

Half an hour later, Amanda called her father. There was no answer. She went to his office and tapped at the door. Still no answer. Sighing, she dished up his tea and put it in the oven to keep warm and ate in front of the TV by herself.

Amanda’s brown hair streamed out from under her kangaroo-skin hat, the motor bike feeling almost alive as she gave the hand throttle an extra rev and headed towards home. She’d seen Malcolm’s white sedan turn in the driveway. He’d already be at the house by the time she returned.

Amanda was puzzled when, from a distance, she saw Malcolm on the front porch. She pulled up, the bike’s wheels flicking up mud, kicked down the stand and dismounted.

‘Hi, Malcolm. Sorry I’m late. I found a lamb on the wrong side of the fence and I wanted to get him and his mother back together straight away. Dad didn’t let you in?’ Amanda said pulling her hat off and unzipping her jacket.

‘Hi, Amanda. I couldn’t make him hear. Maybe he’s down the sheds?’

‘Well, come in and have a coffee, while I round him up.’ Amanda busied herself in the kitchen talking non-stop about her plans until she put the coffee in front of Malcolm. Hearing a thump from the depths of the house, she realised her father was in his bedroom. With her heart sinking she knew he’d once again had too much to drink and would come to the kitchen table with bleary eyes, a headache and in a foul temper. She glanced at Malcolm to see if he’d heard then made a decision.

‘C’mon, bring your coffee and I’ll show you where I want to put the sorghum crop in if we get some October rains.’ She walked to the door and held it open, just as her father walked into the kitchen in his pyjamas.

‘Morning,’ he said. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

Malcolm looked away as he said, ‘No problem,’ and

Amanda suspected he was trying to hide the look of shock that had flashed across his face.

‘Dad, why don’t you have a shower and I’ll talk to Malcolm while you get ready?’

‘Why, so you can turn him against me?’ Brian snarled, and Amanda realised he was still drunk.

‘No, no,’ she soothed. ‘That’ll give me time to get you a coffee and cook you some brekkie.Want some bacon and eggs?’

Her father squinted at her suspiciously.

Ignoring his response, Amanda opened the fridge and pulled out the bacon, grabbed the frying pan from the draining board and lit the gas cook top.

‘Right,’ croaked Brian. ‘I’ll just have a shower and be back.’ He wobbled out, knocking into the doorframe as he left.

The sound of sizzling bacon filled the silence until Malcolm said sombrely, ‘Look, Amanda, I think we’ve got a problem.’

Amanda turned to face him, puzzled.

‘I can’t let Brian sign these papers. He’s not in a fit state. If he is still under the influence of alcohol, it could be argued that we coerced him into signing them.’

Amanda swallowed. She should have known it wouldn’t go smoothly.

Malcolm drummed his fingers on the table, clearly thinking. ‘We’ll see how he is when he comes out,’ he said at last.

After minutes of silence, they heard the pipes clang, signalling the water had been turned off, and after a few more minutes Brian appeared, looking brighter, though unshaved and a bit dishevelled. Amanda fought back a twinge of sadness. Her father had always presented himself immaculately. She was starting to worry that he really was becoming unbalanced.

She placed a cup of strong black coffee in front of him and then turned back to the stove.

‘Thanks, love.’

‘No worries, Dad,’ she said, sliding the eggs and bacon onto a plate and putting it on the table. ‘There you are. Do you feel better?’

‘Mm, much better, thanks,’ he muttered as he tucked in to his breakfast. ‘So, we all ready to sign these papers?’

Shuffling the papers on the table, Malcolm said, ‘I think we need to revisit a couple of issues, Brian, just to make sure it’s all clear.’

Brian looked at Malcolm quizzically. ‘What do you mean? We sorted that out in your office the other day. Amanda gets the farm, debt and everything. I get to come and go as I please with a wage. I’ll look after the place while she goes to England and when she gets back she can have it again.’ Brian leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his stubble. ‘Nothing too difficult to understand about that.’

‘Well the bank isn’t comfortable with Amanda going to England while she has a debt-ridden farm that she is trying to improve,’ Malcolm countered. ‘She informed me this morning that she won’t be going. If you’re still happy to sign this deal knowing that, then we can go ahead. However, you need to be aware that you are signing everything over to Amanda except your half of the land. If she chooses, she can discuss things with you, but once these papers are signed, you won’t be a signatory to the business bank account. An agreed income will be transferred electronically into your personal bank account and that will be it. Are you still okay with that?’

Brian seemed to be taken aback by this information and chewed his bacon slowly. ‘Is there anything in those papers that says we can reassess?’

‘Why would you want to, Brian?’ Malcolm asked.

Brian was silent awhile, then held up his hands.‘Well, I guess I feel . . . I mean it’s been my life forever. Sure, at the moment I don’t want it, I’m almost certain I never will again, but it’s a huge step for me to suddenly sign almost everything I’ve owned for most of my life over to Amanda and not to have anything except a wage.’

‘I do understand that and in twelve months’ time, we will have another meeting and see if you are wanting to come back and work with Amanda, but whatever happens and whatever you decide later, you’ll now have to farm in a partnership with Amanda because Helena willed her half of the farm.’

Amanda, sensing that her father was about to erupt again, said gently, ‘Maybe you could go away for a little while, Dad – have a break, a change of scene?’

‘Yeah, get me off the farm so you can make your so-called improvements,’ her father said scathingly. Then his shoulders slumped. ‘Sorry, Mandy. Sorry.’ He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them he asked for a pen.

Malcolm pushed over the papers and handed him a pen. He indicated where Brian was to sign and passed Amanda her set of papers. Brian scribbled his signature and pushed the papers back to Malcolm without looking at them and left the table without another word.

The world retreated into the background as she read the stipulations of the financial agreement between the Western Bank and Amanda Jane Greenfield. Excited to be back in the world of what she trained for, she wanted to read every word and understand every piece of information that would affect her ability to make Kyleena a success. Once or twice she asked questions about the stock mortgage and the interest rate, then when she reached the final two pages she used the slim gold pen that her mother had given her before she left for college to sign the papers that would change her life.

Chapter 10

Amanda looked up from sorting the wool as she heard swearing. The shearer, Slay, had a foul expression on his face as he grabbed a ewe’s leg and yanked it into position.

He chipped away at the dags on the ewe’s hind, ripping a piece of skin off and swearing again. Amanda looked away. She couldn’t bear to see her sheep hurt like that. She would have to say something to Natty at lunch. This bloke, Slay, was way too rough.

‘Sheep-o,’ yelled another shearer as he dragged his last ewe on to the board.

‘Are you right by yourself for a minute?’ Amanda asked Kate, the other rousie.

Kate nodded and Amanda put down her paddle and headed out the back to pen up. ‘No need to cut the sheep to pieces is there, mate?’ she said as she walked past Slay.

‘You reckon you can do it better?’ he asked, looking up, his eyes narrowed.

‘No, but I think you can,’ she retorted before walking through the swinging doors to open the gates into the catching pens.

‘Hey up, girls,’ she called, clapping her hands, all the while wishing she had a good working dog. Far from being frightened, the ewes stood and looked at her. Sweating profusely, she had to wade through the bunched-up mob and turn every one of their stubborn heads towards the open gate, then manhandle each of them through the gateway. They were being obstinate today.

After what seemed like an eternity, she managed to fill the pens, then went back onto the board to help Kate. Saving money by working in the shed herself was all well and good, but she had realised she wasn’t able to keep up with that and trying to do the yard work as well. Last night she hadn’t got home until close to eight o’clock. By the time she’d back-lined all the ewes, got them back out to their paddock and filled the shed with sheep for the next day, she’d been relieved to drop into a chair and stay there.

This morning she’d been up before dawn to get the next mob of ewes to the yards to drain out. She was tired, achy and very crotchety! But she couldn’t stop. Driven not only to prove that she could make Kyleena profitable again, but that she could do the physical work, she wouldn’t allow herself to fail.

As soon as she finished penning up she rushed out onto the board and immediately saw that Kate was struggling to keep up with the four shearers, with a pile of wool lying near a wool pack. Grabbing a paddle, Amanda got to work on her end, concentrating on nothing else for the next half hour.

At the end of the run, when the shearers dropped their hand pieces and headed out to have a wash and a bite to eat, Amanda fronted Natty.

‘You need to pull that Slay bloke into line. He’s cutting the sheep around too much,’ she said quietly.

‘Amanda, the sheep are hard – there’s that much shit on them it’s bloody hard to avoid cutting them.’

‘He shouldn’t be cutting the teats off their udders and nicking their twat though. How the hell are the ewes going to feed their lambs if they’ve got buggered udders and the lambs can’t latch on?’

‘I haven’t seen him doing that.’

‘Well I have. And what about the one he hamstrung in the first hour of the day? That’s another sheep buggered. It can’t even walk now so I’ll have to get rid of her. He obviously lives up to his name. Talk to him and if he doesn’t pull his head in he can walk,’ said Amanda before leaving for the yards.

‘You stupid, bloody bitch!’ Thwack! Amanda’s head whipped around, just catching sight of the hand piece coming down onto the ewe’s head.

Anger welled within her as she saw the blood spurt out and, without thinking, she walked over to the power switch, flicked it off and walked over to stand in front of Slay. The shearers who hadn’t seen what had happened, yelled out ‘Oi, the power’s gone off.’ Then, realising something was happening, pushed their ewes back into the catching pens and busied themselves changing the combs and cutters, everyone watching out of the corner of their eye.

Slay put down his hand piece and stood upright.The ewe lay still and Amanda could see it wasn’t breathing.

‘DON’T. YOU. EVER. HIT. MY. SHEEP.’ said Amanda, her voice shaking with suppressed rage. That’s two bloody sheep I’ve lost today because of you.’

‘If they weren’t in such crap shape I wouldn’t have,’ he sneered back at her.

‘They’ve been drenched so the shit has lifted off the skin. It’s not like you have to chip it off. They may be difficult, but I’ve watched you hamstring one and cut teats and twats, because you’re going too fast. I won’t let that happen in this shed. Now pack your gear and piss off.’

Slay took a menacing step towards her. ‘You can’t sack me. You’re just a sheila who thinks she can run Daddy’s farm and let me tell you, you’re not doing a very good job at it. Look at the sheep! They’re in crap shape! If you’d got us in earlier, we wouldn’t have these problems. There’s shit halfway up their backs and it’s dry. They’re weak and riddled with lice. With sheep like this, you need to accept they’re gonna get cut.’

‘Listen mate, I don’t give a flying toss about your opinion! Just leave,’ said Amanda, so angry she could barely speak. The fact that Slay’s words held a hint of truth about them made it worse. She knew the ewes were hard going and it cut her to the core to have a bloke stand in front of her and say she was doing a bad job when she had been trying her best.

‘Amanda, I don’t think . . .’ said Natty, coming forward.

‘I told you to talk to him at lunch or this would happen! I don’t breed sheep to have them brutalised,’ Amanda fumed back at him before turning to Slay and pointed towards the vehicle they had all arrived in that morning. ‘Go and sit in the bus until the rest of them have finished the day.And don’t you ever set foot in my shearing shed again.’

There was complete silence as everyone waited to see what would happen. Amanda saw him fix her with a cold stare. A brave shearer let out a whoop from the other end of the shed.

‘Met ya match have ya, Slay? What? With a cow like that? Where’s ya balls?’ he taunted.

Amanda didn’t take her eyes off Slay and they eye-balled each other until Slay slowly bent down, jerked his hand piece off the down tube and slowly started to pack up his gear. Amanda went and flicked the power switch back on, saying ‘C’mon let’s get going. We’re a shearer down now, so we won’t get as many crutched. We need to keep moving.’

Amidst the noise of everyone returning tensely to work, Slay walked out with his esky and shearing gear. As he passed Amanda, he leaned forward and whispered:‘I won’t forget you, bitch.’

Chapter 11

At the end of a very busy week, Amanda sat on the verandah nursing a beer. She was pleased to see the end of the crutching and most of the sheep work for the time being. The large workload had been harder to manage than she’d expected.

At the beginning of the week while getting the first mob in for preg-scanning, she’d felt sad that her mother was no longer there, yet she couldn’t help but feel a bubble of excitement welling in her chest. This was what she had always wanted. A farm that was hers, that she could run the way she wanted. Turn into a tidy, well-organised, profitable piece of land.

Louise, the vet, had arrived on Monday morning, joking that she’d not been expecting to pull out the preg-testing scanner until next year.

‘What are you up to, Mandy? Did you re-mate your dry ewes?’ Amanda had explained that since her mother’s death they’d been knocked around a bit. ‘Dad and I forgot to take notes of what happened when. I have an awful feeling that we may even have forgotten to put the rams in with one mob! I just need to know what I’m dealing with.’

‘Well, we’ll soon find out,’ Louise had said and proceeded to set up while Amanda moved the mob into the forcing yard and down the race to the scanning crate. The sheep work had just reinforced that she needed a working dog. She wouldn’t be able to handle sheep work without one. Sourcing a good, partly trained pup now topped her to-do list.

The two days of crutching and three days of preg-scanning had made her ache in places she’d forgotten she had. Her thighs were even sore to touch from rousing in the shearing shed and using her knees to force the sheep into the race. Amanda now realised that she wasn’t as fit as she’d thought. In fact, she was coming to understand that running a farm and having to do all the manual work herself was a bigger job than she’d imagined.

The major blemish on the week had been the run in with Slay, and that still played on her mind. His parting words had been laced with menace and his features twisted with hate. His threat had left her uneasy. Amanda was certain he would get over it! He wasn’t the first shearer to be sacked on Kyleena and she was sure he wouldn’t be the last.Overall, she was pleased with how the week had panned out. It had taken nearly a month to get to this point, but she was feeling a sense of satisfaction.The sheep were sorted.They were in the mobs that would be easy for the husbandry practices that she intended to implement. The ones that she’d thought may not have been mated were pregnant! She was so relieved when Louise hadn’t called out ‘Dry’ once in the first twenty sheep, Amanda had almost wept with relief. There would be more lambs than she had budgeted on.

There was a creak of boards and Amanda realised her father had sat down next to her and was looking out over the darkening green pastures of the front paddock. Like her, Brian had a beer in one hand, but he also had a whisky in the other. She watched him out of the corner of her eye.

Since the signing of the papers a month ago, he’d been conspicuous by his absence. Oh, he was around. Amanda would hear the low hum of the radio in his office as he sat with his glasses perched on the end of his nose, pretending to be buried in paperwork, when really all he was doing was staring at the desk, lost in memories, a glass of whisky always within reach.

At night she’d hear him in the bathroom or roaming the house. Sleep didn’t seem to come easily to him, whereas Amanda fell into bed exhausted each night.

This last week, though, he’d appeared more often and Amanda had sensed a subtle change in their relationship. He’d be at the kitchen table when Amanda came in to grab some lunch or sitting in the lounge room watching the news when she finished work for the evening. He’d started to make conversation more too.

Last night’s conversation was still fresh in Amanda’s mind. She’d known that Brian wanted to talk to her about something as he’d come in while she’d been cooking tea. Almost dropping with tiredness, Amanda knew that she had to eat properly, so every night she tried to cook. Last night she couldn’t bring herself to face the stove, so she’d popped her head into the living room and said that baked beans on toast was on the menu. Her father had smiled at her briefly and said that sounded good then turned back to the news.

Unexpectedly, he’d arrived in the kitchen before she called him and sat at the table, facing her. Amanda could see him looking at the once cream-coloured walls. Above the stove, they were now a grimy brown from the grease that had risen over the past months. Amanda knew her father was thinking of all the times he’d come into the kitchen to see Helena scrubbing the wall. She’d wanted a rangehood for so long but it had never eventuated. Amanda didn’t have the time to scrub walls.

Her father cleared his throat and began uncertainly. ‘I’ve been thinking about your mum’s grave. We need to put a headstone up.’

‘We can’t do it for about a year, Dad. I looked into it not long after the funeral. I hated to think of her lying there unnamed, people not knowing who is buried in that grave. But it’s got something to do with the earth settling properly before they can put up a headstone.’

Amanda took the toast, buttered it and poured the baked beans onto the plate.

Her father nodded. ‘That’s right. I remember now from when Dad died.’ There was silence. ‘Have you got any ideas about what you want on it?’

Amanda flopped at the table and handed over a plate. ‘I can’t think of the right words to describe how special she was yet.’

‘Me either.’ They ate in companionable silence for a while.

‘I really miss her,’ Brian said.

Amanda was quiet. It was the first time that he’d said anything of the sort. ‘Me too. Is it getting any easier for you?’ she asked delicately.

Her father chewed slowly and then shook his head. ‘What about for you?’

Amanda tried to analyse how she felt. On the one hand, she didn’t have time to miss her mother. But she longed for her.The conversations, the laughter. Amanda had always wanted to work with her and it would never happen now. Not able to find the words, she just shrugged and her father nodded as if understanding her feelings – maybe for the first time.

Coming out of her thoughts, she looked at her dad and asked ‘How would have you handled Slay during the crutching, Dad?’

There was a silence as her father took a sip of his drink and scanned the horizon. Waiting for him to answer, Amanda looked over and noticed he’d stiffened.

‘Looks like someone’s coming up the drive.’ Brian said, ignoring her question. She took a swig of her beer; despite the chill of the air, the beer was warm and flat. She screwed up her nose.

‘Who’d be coming here now?’ she wondered. ‘It’s nearly dark.’

‘Not expecting anyone?’

‘No.’

They watched as the lights from the car came closer. Amanda couldn’t really make it out in the darkness, but it looked like some sort of four-wheel drive.

She frowned as Brian leaned forward in his chair, suddenly watching intently.

‘You’ve got to be joking!’ he murmured quietly. ‘After all this time. What the hell does he think he’s doing, showing up on my farm?’ His voice began to rise in anger. ‘You make bloody sure he knows he’s not welcome here.’

Amanda looked at her father in surprise. His face was bright red and furious. As she watched, her dad stood bolt upright, tipping his chair over in his haste, and disappeared into the house. The sound of him slamming the office door shocked her. Who could possibly evoke such a reaction?

Curious, Amanda walked to the garden fence, pulling her jacket closer around her, and watched as a top-of-the-range, dark blue Toyota LandCruiser pulled up at the gate. She recognised the driver now, though she still had no idea what he was doing on her farm, or why her father had reacted so violently.

Amanda watched as a handsome man got out of the car. He was dressed to the nines tonight.

‘Amanda! After all this time. How are you?’ he asked as he walked towards her, hand outstretched.

‘Mr Major. This is a bit of a surprise. I don’t think I’ve seen you since I was about nine or ten.’

Adrian laughed. ‘Oh, call me Adrian, please. “Mr Major” makes me sound so old – I’m not much older than you really.’

‘Well, it’s hard to change the habit of a lifetime, but I can try . . . Adrian.What brings you here?’

‘I heard that you’ve taken on running Kyleena, so I thought I’d do the neighbourly thing and offer my services to you. I’ve been meaning to come over and renew our acquaintanceship since your mother died, but the time never seemed quite right. I was afraid of intruding on your grief. But then I heard . . . well, the gossip mill has been working overtime, as I’m sure you’re aware.’ His mouth turned up in a half-smile and he held up his hands in an apologetic manner. ‘I guess I wanted to see how you were getting on and if I could do anything to help.’

Amanda couldn’t help grin back at his infectious smile.

‘Well that’s very nice of you. Thank you. But I’m managing just fine.’

‘I had an inkling you would say that. Miss Independence! Just like you were as a child. But please, Amanda, if you need any sort of help, let me know. If I can’t come, I can send one of my workmen.’

Amanda smiled. ‘Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind.’

Adrian looked towards the house curiously. ‘Is your father home? I haven’t seen him about for some time. Don’t tell me you’re here all by yourself?’

‘No, no. Dad comes and goes,’ she answered in a noncommittal voice.

‘Right. Well, like I said, give me a call if you need anything.’

Adrian got into his car and drove away. As his tail-lights disappeared down the driveway Amanda noticed the curtains in the office moving. She turned and headed back into the house. She’d always thought her Dad was on good terms with the owners of the neighbouring properties. What on earth had got into him?

Chapter 12
Winter 1934

Michael’s hand hovered over the letter to his family. Outside the rain lashed the tin hut and the wind threatened to tear the roof from the wooden rafters.

Bowy huddled closer to the fire as Michael realised that it was slightly smoky inside tonight. The wood he’d collected must have been damp. It wasn’t surprising since it had been raining for five days straight and dry wood was hard to come by.

The river was rising and he was worried about his stock. He imagined the animals falling into the raging waters, being swept away and . . .

Shaking his head, he decided not to continue in this line of thinking. ‘What will be will be.’ He could hear his mother’s lilting tones echo around his head.

He turned his mind instead to the previous weekend, when Thomas Cramm had ridden into his camp with his sister Kathleen. Michael had danced with her the last time he had been in Esperance. He remembered the tinkle of the piano and the thump of heavy feet on wooden floorboards. Kathleen’s smile had left him spellbound, as had her dancing. He decided he would like to get to know her better so he invited her to visit.

The weekend had been a pleasant one. Michael had planned a small walk from his camp to the river’s edge, where all three had marvelled at the smell of the bush, the vivid red flowers of the bottlebrush trees and the granite rocks that lined the banks of the river.

Kathleen had then spent some time in his veggie garden and tidied his hut, making it look very much like a home. Michael had been struck by how natural she looked in this setting; it seemed obvious to him that this was the woman with whom he should spend his life.

A particularly strong gust of wind whipped past and the tin rattled so hard that Michael thought it would pull away from its fastenings. He wondered, as he did when things got hellish, if he would ever be able to make Kyleena what he wanted and was it fair to ask for Kathleen’s hand, before he had?

Chapter 13

Amanda sat at the kitchen table, flicking through the latest farm magazine that had arrived in the roadside mail box yesterday. Her cup of tea and toast were beside her and the radio was on, with the weather report from the Bureau of Meteorology. As she skimmed an article on abattoirs’ killing space, she vaguely heard the announcer say: ‘So there’ll be quite a lot of rain for the South Coast, John?’ Putting down the magazine, she started to listen intently.

‘Yes, Bernadette, with the strong front that’s approaching the Southern Coastal district is likely to receive a lot of heavy rain.The front is expected to cross the south-west corner tomorrow morning and move eastward reaching Esperance by Wednesday. There’ll be strong squalls with the passage of the front and we have a sheep farmers’ weather alert, we recommend that any loose items are tied down.’

Her father, sitting quietly at the other end of the table, seemed unmoved by the forecast, while Amanda’s heart started to flutter and her mind raced. She had ewes that were only two weeks off shears.

Looking at her father, she said ‘Sounds like a bit of bad weather.’

He nodded, and Amanda struggled to hide her frustration. Her father had begun to heal and their relationship had been steadily improving until the night Adrian Major had turned up uninvited a few weeks before. Since then, Brian had withdrawn back into his shell. His drinking had increased once more and the silences were long and brooding. His office had become his safe haven from which he rarely ventured.

Amanda had noticed the photo albums disappearing from the bookshelves and when she’d cautiously put her head into the office to call him for dinner one night she’d seen them piled up on the corner of his office desk. She didn’t know what he wanted with the old albums, and she doubted he’d tell her if she asked, so she’d thrust it to the back of her mind and concentrated on farming.

Now she pushed back her chair and without another word to her father headed out the door. Sitting astride her bike, she whistled to her new pup, Mingus, a bouncy black and tan kelpie with keen eyes. Mingus flew from under the bush where he’d been dozing and landed with a thump on the back of the bike.

At nine months old, he’d been a lucky find. After the week of heavy stock work and no dog, Amanda had scoured the pages of the farm journals. Spotting a small ad for a partly trained dog in the Esperance shire, she’d called the number, not really expecting to strike gold – but she had.

The shaky voice of an old man had answered the phone, but when Amanda had explained why she was ringing, his voice had become stronger.‘Only to a good home,’ he kept repeating.

‘Why do you need to pass him on?’ Amanda had asked.

There’d been a long silence and finally the man had said: ‘I’m dying of cancer. I thought I’d have a few years left and I’d still be able to keep a few sheep and work him, but I’ve got two months tops.’

‘He’ll have a good home with me,’ Amanda promised.

From the moment she had picked him up, Mingus had seemed to understand that Amanda was his new mistress and had loved her without hesitation. He was a natural sheep dog and the sick man had started to teach her well. Amanda had read with sadness the death notice in the paper not a week later. But, however forlorn she felt, she enjoyed Mingus’s company – it gave her someone to talk to. Hannah’s phone calls had become few and far between since she’d moved to Sydney and she rarely heard from Jonno other than when he sent her a rude chain email. She missed her friends, and didn’t really have much in common with the few acquaintances she’d met through the local stock firm or knew from primary school. At least Mingus listened and looked interested in what she was saying!

Riding down the laneway, Amanda decided to shift the shorn ewes from the open paddock on the road to Karru paddock. There was oodles of scrubby bush for them to shelter in and places for them to hide their newborn lambs to keep them warm and away from the cold southerlies. They were due to start lambing any day although the stock check she’d done two days ago had turned up some early lambs.

Pushing the mob gently together, Amanda watched carefully to make sure none of the lambs were mis-mothered. It was only about a kilometre to the next paddock, but it took her well over three hours to push the heavily pregnant ewes through the gate and head on to the next job: lunch!

She turned her bike towards the house, enjoying the cool sun on her skin. This autumn, now heading into winter, had been quite mild, making for idyllic lambing conditions, and today was no exception. But the atmosphere was heavy, she noticed, as she pulled up at the house. And there was no sound. Glancing around, Amanda thought the landscape looked different, but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. Then she realised all the stock were sitting down and there wasn’t any wind. It was almost like nature was waiting for something to happen.

She walked into the house and yelled to her father that she was back, then set about getting some lunch. Amanda looked up as Brian stumbled into the kitchen, his face flushed from whisky.

‘All the stock are camped up. Bit unusual isn’t it?’ she asked, pretending not to notice that he was drunk again.

‘Storm comin’ today,’ he muttered thickly.

Amanda looked at him curiously. ‘How can you tell that? The bureau says it’s not due until late tomorrow or the next day.’

Brian took her arm, pulled her roughly toward the door and held up his finger. ‘Listen.’ Silence. ‘No noise. No birds or crickets or nothin’.’ He then pointed towards the paddocks. ‘Sheep’ve got their back to where the weather’s gonna come from and the cows are camped as far away from the south as the fences let ’em.’ He let go of her arm, lurched towards the table and sat down. ‘Lunch?’

Amanda rubbed the spot where his fingers had gripped her arm. She couldn’t decide if she felt resentful or just so sorry for this broken man. She walked over and kneeled beside him, her hand on his arm. ‘Dad, why do you have to drink so much? I could learn so much from you if you wanted to teach me.’ Even as she said the words, realisation dawned. Her mind raced back over the conversations which had turned into arguments. This is what he’s been trying to tell me, she thought. Now I understand what he’s been saying. She needed her dad – but she had pushed him away.

‘You know it all already,’ he said, looking at her without anger.‘You told me in the bank. You don’t need a drunken old man like me tellin’ you what to do. Don’t worry about lunch.’ He stood up from the table and weaved towards the door and back down the hall to the safety of his office.

Amanda lay in bed and tried not to think about her father. He hadn’t left his office since lunch but she’d decided not to let it upset her. She’d made her choice as he had made his and now they would both have to live with the consequences.

She wondered if she’d done all she could to protect her freshly shorn ewes from the coming storm. Before she’d turned out the light, she’d checked the weather radar on the internet and seen the large band of rain that was crossing the western coast. Still a day or so before it would arrive at Kyleena, she thought.

But at 12.30 am the first crack of thunder sounded and the wind started to blow.

By daylight, the wind had dropped and Amanda was bleary-eyed, having not slept since the storm started. She was sitting at the window of her mother’s study, her head in her hands, as first light appeared. She peered into the grey light in the hope of seeing if there’d been any damage, but nothing immediate struck her.

Looking around, she couldn’t believe it was dry, save the light, misty sprinkling that came through in waves and that wasn’t enough to wet the rain gauge. To the south, the looming murky clouds held more chance of rain than the dirty ones above her at the moment.

It was too foul to contemplate work today, but knowing Mingus was scared of storms she ventured outside long enough to collect the quivering dog from his kennel.

Amanda felt a drop of rain as her foot hit the front garden. Looking skyward and holding out her hand in anticipation of another, she was disappointed. As her gaze swung over the land, she noticed the trees on the far southern boundary bending as if buffeted by gale-force winds, while where she stood only a soft breeze blew. With her feet glued to the ground, she watched in amazement as the wind came towards her – she could follow its path. First the grass started to move like a rippling sea, then the leaves and loose debris flew into the air, and finally there was a gust that was so strong it almost knocked Amanda off her feet. The rain started almost immediately, the needle-like drops stinging her skin. The temperature plummeted too.

Bolting for the house with Mingus at her heels, she stood on the verandah and watched.The rain drummed into the ground so hard that the raindrops broke into a thousand smaller drops and splashed back towards the sky. The gutters filled quickly and started to overflow under the eaves of the house and she turned to find the paddocks devoid of stock.

With mixed emotions, she shivered as the sweet smell of rain on dry earth rose to meet her. Storms were beautiful but they could be deadly. She jumped as thunder reverberated around the sky and the lightning flashed. The noise of the rain on the ground and tin roof was deafening.

For most of the day,Amanda sat at the window with Mingus at her feet and watched the rain pelt down. She marvelled at the ferocity of the storm and tried to quell her rising anxiety until it eased to a steady, gentle drizzle just before dark.

Beyond the house and sheds, there were gutters in the ground that had been eroded by the force of the water, there were small lakes in the low-lying areas of each paddock and, without venturing outside, Amanda could hear the roar of the river in Karru paddock. There would be a massive wall of water racing through its deep river walls today.

Amanda, dressed in a bright pink windbreaker and rubber boots, sloshed through the mud to get her bike. The shorn ewes that were due to lamb in Karru paddock were her main concern. None of the other ewes had been shorn.

Slipping and sliding on the bike she followed the waterlogged track to the paddock, stopping at a couple of dams to see how much water had run into them.

Her anxiety rose again as she pulled up at the gate. She couldn’t see any of the ewes. She’d noticed on her way here that some of the other stock had ventured out to graze after taking shelter in the bush all day.They were hungry.

The stock usually preferred to graze the clovers at the front of Karru but none were there. She rode alongside a sheep pad, which was flooded but would lead her to the river, and looked out over the gushing water. White foam gathered around the walls and the water was a muddy brown from all the soil it had picked up in its course upstream.

A white body floated past. Then another and another.

She stood still, watching them being carried by the water, bumping into the bank, logs and debris that were also on a non-stop trip to the sea. Then, with a cry of desperation, she ran, her boots covered with heavy mud, towards the bush that lined the river, Mingus at her heels.

Weaving her way through the bush, she ignored the cold, heavy drips from the leaves and the first two bodies she saw. Without stopping she headed towards the riverbank. There she came to a skidding halt, staring at the carnage that lay before her. The white bodies of five hundred ewes tucked in against trees and rocks, piled on top of one another. As she watched, a few dropped over the edge into the water as the crumbling bank gave way beneath their weight. Amanda could see the sheep had vainly tried to find enough shelter, but had failed. A low moan of despair passed her lips as she sank to her knees, tears running down her cheeks.

After some time, she finally found the strength to get up and walk towards the sheep, looking for survivors, but all she found were a few small lambs pushed against their mother’s bodies, bleating mournfully.

She gathered the lambs; some still covered with newborn blood, and put them under her jacket. She might be able to save these ones.

Feeling utterly desolate, she walked back to her bike, Mingus once again trotting at her heels. She sat astride the bike for a while, staring but not seeing, until the wriggling of a lamb roused her. She started the engine, called to Mingus and, revving the engine loudly, twisted the hand accelerator too fast for the weather conditions and brought the front wheel off the ground. As she gathered speed the back wheel caught in a muddy bog and slid out from under her, throwing the bike sideways. Instinctively, one hand let go of the handlebar to try to hold the lambs to her chest, but the bike toppled the other way and Amanda lost her grip. As if in slow motion, she felt herself being thrown towards the river. Mingus jumped clear just as the bike finally landed on the ground with Amanda a distance from it. She lay on the river’s edge, one arm hanging over the bank. Blood gushed from a gash where she’d clipped her head on a rock as she fell.

Chapter 14

There was a tiny voice in the background, persistent and annoying. Amanda tried to ignore it, but it was unrelenting.

‘Amanda? Oh my lord! Amanda?

’ Through a haze, she thought she recognised the voice, but her brain felt muddled and her head hurt.

‘Amanda? Talk to me, love. Please talk to me.’ The voice broke.

She tried to open her eyes, but everything swam in front of her and she felt sick. Quickly she shut her eyes again and tried to make her mouth open but it was dry and her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. She couldn’t untangle it to form words.

‘Oh, Mandy, I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a bastard. Please wake up.’

Whoever it was sounded like they were pleading. If only she could work out whose voice it was. She felt her head gently lowered to the ground and a rustling noise. A blanket covered her and then there was silence.

Suddenly fearful, Amanda tried to open her eyes again. This time she could see a figure standing on the river’s edge, a coat reflecting in the spotlights from a ute. Blurry again. She blinked to try and clear her vision but when she focused the person was gone. She blinked again and again, trying to work out if she’d seen an illusion and heard voices that weren’t there. The pain in her head throbbed and her eyes wouldn’t stay focused. It was easier to let the darkness envelop her.

A dog barked and then Amanda felt a wet nose on her face. Screwing up her nose she used a muddy hand to push Mingus away. Then she heard running feet and voices calling, ‘This way! She’s over here. Follow the lights.’

‘My head hurts,’ she groaned. Mingus pushed his nose towards her face again but Amanda saw it coming this time and moved her head. Pain shot through her. ‘Ow!’

‘Amanda? Are you okay?’ A man she didn’t know squatted beside her.

‘My head hurts,’ she mumbled.

‘We’ve got the ambulance on its way. Just lie still.’ Turning, he called to someone behind him, ‘We need another blanket,’ then he asked, ‘Do you remember what happened? Thanks.’ He reached for the blanket and tucked it around her.

Amanda took in her surrounds. A shaft of light was coming from the ute’s spotlights, it was still drizzling and she could hear the river. Then she remembered. The sheep, the motorbike sliding out from under her . . .

‘I fell off,’ she stuttered. ‘My ewes – dead.’ She felt for the lambs that she’d put in her jacket, but they were gone. They must’ve fallen out. More deaths.

‘Don’t worry, love – we’ll get you fixed up.’

Something he said triggered her memory. ‘Dad? Where’s Dad?’

‘We’re not sure, but he’ll be around here somewhere. He rang us after he’d found you and said you were in strife. Looks like he was right. But not to worry, the ambos will be here soon. Ah, here they come now.’

There were men in yellow jackets with fluoro stripes and wearing white helmets walking up and down the river, their torch light dotting the black night. ‘Who are you?’ she asked, trying to sit up.

‘SES, love. Over here, boys,’ he called out and waved his arm. ‘She’s a bit dazed, I think. Don’t know how long she’s been out here, but we got the call from her old man about an hour ago,’ he told the ambos as they jumped from the vehicle.

‘What’s her name?’ asked the driver.

‘Amanda Greenfield. It’s her old man’s place, Brian Greenfield.’

Amanda sat up and grabbed at her head.

‘Easy does it. Hi, Amanda, I’m Jeff, one of the paramedics. Can you tell me what happened?’

‘I came off the bike. Must have hit my head on the ground. It hurts.’

‘Yes, I can see the gash. We’ll clean that up. Do you take any medication?’

‘No . . .’

A man in a drizabone and hat appeared out of the darkness and crouched down beside her. To her surprise she recognised Adrian Major.

‘Amanda, are you all right?’ He looked anxious.

‘I just need to check Amanda out, mate, so if you wouldn’t mind standing back.’

‘Of course, sorry. Sorry.’

‘Where’s Dad, Mr . . . Adrian? Why isn’t he here? I saw him.’ Her memory flooded back. She could hear his words . . . Love . . . I’m sorry . . . Bastard . . . ‘I saw him on the river’s edge, Adrian.’ Panic filled her voice. ‘He was right there. I saw him. When I looked back he was gone. Where is he?’

Adrian stared at her. ‘What do you mean you saw him on the river’s edge, Amanda?’ he asked.

‘I saw him standing there. Or at least I think I did. One second he was there and the next he was gone. I can remember he was talking to me . . .’ She broke off as Adrian touched her shoulder.

‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ He walked away, pulling a two-way radio from his belt as he went.

‘Now, Amanda,’ Jeff said, ‘I need to get you into the back of the van where there’s some light. I’d really like to have a good look at that head wound.’ Jeff gently helped her to her feet, but Amanda pulled away. ‘Not yet, I need to show Adrian where Dad was,’ she said stumbling as she tried to walk towards the river.

‘Amanda, you need to come with me,’ said Jeff, his voice insistent. Grasping her arm firmly, he led her towards the ambulance. She staggered forward, looking over her shoulder, desperate for a glimpse of her father.

‘We’ll have to look for him, Matthew,’ Adrian was saying to the SES leader as they passed. ‘If she saw him standing near the edge, who’s to say he didn’t fall in?’

‘Tell me you’ve found him,’ Amanda begged when Adrian joined her by the ambulance a little while later. Her head had been bandaged and she was feeling much better since the painkillers kicked in.

Adrian looked grim. ‘Not yet, Mandy,’ he answered gently. ‘But we’re looking.’ He sat beside her, the rain falling from his wide-brimmed hat onto his coat. It made a dripping noise that Amanda found comforting. Familiar.

‘I’d like to get Amanda to hospital now,’ Jeff said.

‘I’m not going,’ Amanda said firmly. ‘I want to stay until they find Dad.’ She turned to Adrian for support.

‘Wouldn’t it be a good idea to be looked over by the doctors, Mandy?’

‘No, I’m not going.’ She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and looked at Jeff stubbornly, daring him to drag her into the ambulance.

‘Well I can’t force you to go. I recommend that you do. You really should be checked for concussion and hypothermia.’

Amanda just shook her head while Adrian smiled knowingly. ‘You won’t win with this one, Jeff. You may as well be on your way. I’ll look after her. C’mon then, Miss Independent, let’s get you back to the house and warmed up. I’ll stay with you until we hear some news.’

Not wanting to leave the river’s edge, Amanda resisted at first, but after much coaxing she finally climbed into Adrian’s ute. Mingus jumped onto her lap and she put her arms around the dog.

‘Why hasn’t he been found yet?’ asked Amanda.

‘There’re lots of nooks and crannies to look in and it’s harder in the dark. They’re looking in the river now, Mandy. It looks like there were scuff marks right on the river’s edge. He could’ve fallen in.’ Adrian brought the car to a stop. It was quiet except for the rain gently hitting the roof of the car. He turned to face her and gently brushed her hair back from her face. ‘You need to be prepared for the possibility that they might not find him, Mandy. Not alive.’

Chapter 15
Winter 1935

Michael reread his mother’s letter with growing horror. Grace? On her way to Esperance? How was that possible?

‘The growing threats towards her are unacceptable. You of all people would understand the unease and fear that she is experiencing. I am entrusting her to you. A marriage would be pleasing to your father and I, and would ensure the continuance of your annual allowance.Your loving mother, Elizabeth.’

What about Kathleen? How would she receive this news? Michael ran his hands over his face. Oh, he loved Grace, there was no question of that; in fact, they had been betrothed before he left England. She was from a well-to-do family, similar to his own. They were from neighbouring farms in Suffolk and had attended weekly hunts with their families from a young age. However, in his haste to leave England, he hadn’t said goodbye to Grace and had just assumed he would never see her again. His life on Kyleena was a far cry from what she was used to. And Grace’s arrival would put an end to his dreams of a life with Kathleen – but oh, how he wanted her! Yet the simple truth was that he couldn’t do without the money that came to him every month. He put down the letter with a sigh, knowing that he didn’t really have a choice.

Kathleen stared at Michael in shock, unable to believe what he had just told her. ‘Too busy developing Kyleena to see her anymore.’ After a few minutes, she nodded, her face pale, and said she understood. Then she turned and walked into the boarding house without a backward glance, her shaking hands hidden in her pockets.

When she was sure he was gone, Kathleen ran from the house to sit weeping on the hill overlooking the Esperance bay. To be cast aside so easily after a year of courting was . . . well, there were not words to describe it.

Through her tears she noticed a man walking towards her. Her heart leapt with anticipation, until she realised it was only Bernard Spenser. The miner had had some luck in the Kalgoorlie goldfields and had been flashing his find around in the boarding house for the last three weeks. Kathleen knew he was awaiting the arrival of his sister today and she would be pleased to see the back of him. She had often observed him watching her when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Kathleen turned her back towards him, hoping he wouldn’t bother her. Alas, she felt his hand on her shoulder. Indignant, she looked around only to find his mouth upon hers and his hands groping at her breasts. Fiercely, she fought him, but her hands were pinned to her side. He pushed her backwards, to the ground, and threw himself on top of her, wrenching up her skirts.

Afterwards, dazed and shaken, her dress torn, Kathleen ran back to the boarding house. A ship’s horn had distracted Bernard from his task and he had set off for the port, leaving her lying on the ground in the dust.

As she washed her grazed hands and scrubbed at her face she vowed she would tell no one of the shame she had nearly experienced.

Chapter 16
2005

As she brushed her teeth, Amanda stared at her hands in the mirror.The veins on the backs stood out and the skin was wrinkled and dry. Hannah had suggested a good manicure, but Amanda knew there wasn’t much point. Four years of hard work with more to come and her hands would remain the same.

The back door slammed and Amanda could hear the pad of feet coming down the long corridor. She frowned and checked her watch.

‘Amanda? Mandy?’

‘In here,’ she called around the toothbrush, and gave her hands one last glance as she spat into the basin and rinsed her mouth. She turned as Hannah’s head popped around the door and grinned at her.

‘You’re going to be late for your own sale, if you’re not careful.’

Amanda grinned back and ran a towel over her face. ‘I’m nearly ready.’ She stood back and held out her arms. ‘How do I look?’

Hannah ran her eyes over her friend and nodded her approval. ‘Every bit the stud breeder.’

Amanda tugged at the unfamiliar green shirt that she’d tucked into a new pair of moleskins. Her new boots felt tight and she wished she could’ve found a cow pad or some sloppy green sheep manure to take the shine away – a christening of sorts! But, then, she supposed there would be plenty of manure around today.

Hannah had insisted that she buy some new clothes for the sale. Her grubby old jeans and torn shirt wouldn’t cut it, apparently. Amanda argued that she hadn’t pulled Kyleena out of debt by spending money on frivolous things like clothes. She had plenty of pairs of jeans in the wardrobe that would do. But Hannah had prevailed.

‘Jonno’s bringing the ute up from the shed,’ Hannah said now. ‘You and I can go in that and he’ll bring your dad’s – um, the other ute with the sheep crate on the back, in case there’s any rams you don’t sell that you need to bring home. Adrian’s meeting us in there. Er, can you remind me again what you see in him?’

Amanda shot her friend a warning glance then, ignoring the tongue that Hannah poked out, smiled. ‘Sounds good. I’ll just grab a few things and be there in a tick.’ As her friend hurried back down the hallway, Amanda blew out a long breath. Once again, she stared in the mirror.

She was a very different girl to the one she’d been four years ago, when her father died, leaving her an orphan. Alone in the world. She had a mother who was a distant memory, a father who’d drowned, and no brothers or sisters. She did have an aunt and uncle in town – her father’s sister and her husband – but even they didn’t come to visit much anymore. Amanda knew it was her own fault. She’d all but ignored the outside world, being focused on one thing – saving Kyleena. It was really all she had left. Except for Adrian.

He had been her constant companion in the weeks following her father’s disappearance. The SES and police had combed the river’s edge from Kyleena down to the sea, but to no avail.They’d sent divers into the deepest parts of the river, they’d paddled through the rock pools and they’d sifted through the tonnes of sand that had been shifted by the torrents of water, but they had never found Brian’s body. It was presumed he’d been swept out to sea. Reluctantly, three weeks after the rains had begun, she’d organised a memorial service then shut the door on her emotions and set about saving Kyleena.

It had been Adrian’s idea that, using the insurance money she’d received from the death of her sheep, she invest in some higher valued stock. Studs would be a great supplement to her commercial flock. And it eliminated the expense of having to buy in rams. The way that he’d explained it, the stud industry seemed to be full of potential, but the more she’d researched it, the more she realised that she had a lot to learn.

The White Suffolk ewes and rams she bought on Adrian’s advice had produced sturdy, long and lean ram lambs that would in turn produce beautiful prime lambs for market in the following year. Then she’d branched out and tried an artificial-breeding program, which had been hugely successful.

Her thirst for knowledge had sent her to South Australia, the home of the Whites, and she’d spent hours talking to the founders of the breed and the White Suffolk association, learning as much as she could.

‘It’s all about being able to see under the sheep’s clothes,’ one old man had said to her. ‘Take off the fleece, take off the pelt and look at the meat underneath. See the size of the eye muscle and legs.’

Today, she was selling the spoils of that venture.

She sighed and tried to suppress the nerves she felt. Adrian hadn’t been overly supportive of the sale, which had surprised her. After all, the stud business had been his idea, and sales were part of that. But she knew her rams were good . . . the question was, would anyone else think so?

Amanda pulled at her shirt again as she walked through the big iron doors of the ram pavilion. She stopped for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the gloom. Closing them briefly, she listened to the sounds. A ram sneezed and a chain clanked against the steel rail of the pen. A sheep shifted his position and she smiled as she heard the familiar sound of poo, in round pellets dropping onto the hay. She breathed deeply, loving the smell that wafted up from the floor. The hay, the urine and the dung combined to create the smell that meant sale days. Then she heard footsteps and opened her eyes.

Adrian was standing in front of her. He was smiling, but his face seemed grim.

‘What’s wrong?’ Amanda asked, anxiety fluttering in her stomach.

Adrian raised his eyebrows quizzically. ‘Nothing, why?’

‘You look upset.’

‘No, everything seems to be in order here. Although I do wish you’d decided to have a private selection day instead of this sale. It seems silly to rush straight into a sale, the first year you have rams to sell. A slowly, slowly approach would have been better!’

Amanda nodded. ‘I know you do, but I was advised by Graham that this was the best option. I’m sorry you don’t agree.’

Adrian put an arm around her shoulders. ‘I really hope you don’t see all your hard work go unappreciated today, that’s all. Ah, here’s Graham now.’ He took his arm from Amanda’s shoulders and held out his hand. ‘Graham, how are you? I hope you’re expecting a good turnout and that you’ve got all the rams sold before we start today.’ Adrian moved forward towards the stock agent, blocking Amanda.

Rolling her eyes, she moved around him to hold out her own hand to Graham, but not before she saw Hannah’s face darken with anger. Behind Hannah, she saw, was Jonno. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies as she looked at him. He looked so good, so . . . earthy in his faded blue jeans, casual rugby jumper and dusty battered Rossi boots. Adrian, by contrast, looked like he’d stepped out of a magazine modelling country clothing with his coat, tie and polished R.M.’s. Jonno winked when he saw her watching him and gave her the thumbs-up and a huge grin. He had no idea that for years she had harboured a secret longing for him.

‘Graham,’ she said, as she tore her gaze away from Jonno. ‘The rams look like they’ve lined up well. Are you happy with them?’ Adrian looked put out at being sidelined as the auctioneer turned his attention to Amanda.

‘Very impressive, Amanda – you’ve done a great job in getting them to sale condition. I just need to have a chat with you about reserve prices, delivery and so forth. Have you got time now?’

‘Yep, no problem.’

‘Okay then, why don’t we go sit in my car and discuss it.’

‘Mandy, don’t you think I should come along too? You might need help,’ Adrian interrupted.

She placed a hand on his arm. ‘I’ll be fine, Ade. I know what I want.’ She followed Graham to his white four-wheel drive.

As people began to arrive Amanda felt a surge of excitement. Hannah growled at her to stop fiddling with her shirt and then gave her a big hug. ‘You’ve done brilliantly!’

‘Yeah, Mandy-Mands.’ Jonno wrapped his arms around her. ‘I reckon you should be real proud of what you’ve achieved in the past few years. You’ve been to hell and back, and flicked the devil the bird. Good on you.’

Amanda breathed in Jonno’s aftershave and allowed herself to relish being in his arms for a few seconds before she quickly stepped away. ‘Well, you two got me on the straight and narrow after it all . . .’ Suddenly there was a collective gasp as a ram jumped from its pen and hung over the rail with its leg caught in between the bars.

Potential buyers rushed to help but Adrian was already there. He held the ram’s upper body firmly to ease the pressure on the leg, while Amanda pushed her way through to try and release the leg from the rails. But to her dismay, as soon as she touched the leg there was the unmistakable sound of a bone snapping. One broken leg and one less ram to sell.

Chapter 17

‘Sale-o, sale-o,’ called Graham. He was standing on the walk rails above the ram pens. Everyone could see him, hear him and watch him. Amanda knew that was the way he liked it and how good he was at his job.

She held her breath. Now was the telling time. Devastated that she’d lost one ram, which was now in the back of her ute, she hoped that there wouldn’t be any more problems. Graham listed the conditions of auction and then clapped his hands together to signal the beginning of the sale.

‘What am I bid, what am I bid, let’s start at two thousand, two thousand now, eighteen hundred, eighteen . . . YES! Eighteen, I’ve got eighteen on my right. Gimme two thou, two thousand! Yes!’

Hannah squeezed Amanda’s hand in excitement.

As Amanda, Hannah and Jonno picked up the empty soft-drink cans from around the ram pavilion, they chatted excitedly.

‘One hundred per cent clearance, Mandy! Do you know how good that is for any sale, let alone a first one?’ Jonno asked. As a rural reporter, Jonno went to many sales and had sound knowledge of the industry. ‘And the average price was great!’

‘Drinks are on me tonight!’Amanda said rashly while the other two cheered.

Adrian popped his head in the door but didn’t enter. ‘How are you all going?’

‘We’re fine,’ Amanda said as she straightened up. ‘We’ve just got to rake the hay up and finish picking up all the rubbish and we’re outta here! Straight to the pub for one off the wood.’

Adrian frowned. ‘I thought we’d organised the stockies to clean up.’

‘It’s not their job, Ade – and besides, they’ve worked really hard all day. The twins and I are happy to do it. We can rehash the day!’

‘I wish you’d stop calling us “the twins”,’ Hannah muttered.‘It makes us sound like we’re three.’

‘Well sometimes the way you behave, you are!’ Amanda joked.

‘Like about now,’ said Jonno, as he snuck up behind her and threw an armful of soiled hay over her head and then tackled her to the ground. Hannah let out a bloodcurdling yell and fell on top of them.

‘Um, excuse me, Amanda? Amanda?’ Adrian raised his voice over the cacophony of noise that the three were making. ‘AMANDA!’

The wrestling stopped and Amanda rose from under the hay, her face red. ‘Yep?’ she walked towards Adrian.

‘Where do you think we might be eating tonight?’

‘I think we should go to the pub. What do you reckon?’

Adrian wrinkled his nose. ‘What about Seas?’ he suggested, referring to a smart restaurant that looked out over the Esperance bay.

‘Oh, I don’t think they’ll let you in there smelling of sheep shit!’ Amanda launched herself at him and tackled him to the ground. Adrian fought back, pinning Amanda’s arms to her side and rolling her in a sloppy pile of dung. Amanda was laughing so hard that she couldn’t stand. The others joined her on the ground, laughing till they were spent.

‘Wow, Adrian, I didn’t think you’d be the type to muck around like that,’ Hannah said.

‘I reckon you deserve a beer, good man,’ Jonno added. ‘I’m off to get a carton.’

Adrian sat up slowly and brushed himself off. He smiled. ‘I have been known to have fun before you know, Hannah. I could tell you a few stories from footy trips that you wouldn’t believe! How do you think I got this?’ He ran his fingers over his crooked nose then scooped up some hay and threw it at her. It hit her square in the face and she collapsed in laughter.

While Jonno went to the drive-through, Hannah and Amanda kept cleaning and Adrian talked on his mobile. It wasn’t long before Jonno was back and handing out the beer.

‘Thanks, Jonno,’ Amanda said as she accepted a beer from Jonno. ‘Let’s finish up here and grab some Chinese takeaway,’ she suggested. ‘That’d be more fun than going out for tea.’

‘Righto, let’s get cracking. There’s not much more to do,’ said Jonno as he grabbed the rake. ‘Who’s going to order the food?’

‘I’ll go,’ said Adrian. ‘I have a couple of other jobs to do as well. I’ll see you all back at Kyleena.’ With a wave, he strode out of the pavilion.

‘Knew he’d go,’ muttered Hannah.

‘What’s your problem with him?’ Amanda looked at Hannah. ‘He’s been there for me the whole time since Dad was swept away. He’s helped me with the farm, with ideas and advice . . . I don’t get why you’re so bitchy about him. I thought you’d be pleased I had such a great friend.’

‘Well, since you ask, I think he’s a dickhead! He’s so bloody full of himself and he’s far too old for you.’ Hannah faced Amanda with her hands on her hips.

‘He’s actually a gentleman. And anyway, twenty years isn’t that much. I know people with much older partners. But don’t worry, he hasn’t kissed me yet! We’re still working up to that.’

‘Ladies, ladies. Please.Today is a fine day.’ Jonno stood with his chest puffed out and spoke in exaggeratedly formal tones. ‘We’ve had an auspicious day, with a successful outcome. Let us not ruin it with petty disagreements. But I have to say,’ his voice returned to normal, ‘I think he’s a bit of wanker as well, Mandy – but I’m sure he’s got a good side.’ He turned to his sister. ‘She can make her own decisions. Stop being so overprotective.’

Hannah glared at Jonno. ‘Can’t you see that he’s smothering her?’

‘That’s her call, Han. If Mandy likes it, leave her be.’

‘Um, hello? I’m still here! Talk about me all you like, but remember I’m listening! Look,’ Amanda explained. ‘Adrian is a hell of a lot older than me, I realise. And yes, I know he comes across as arrogant. But he’s a really kind person. I wouldn’t have coped without his support the last few years. Please, give him a chance, or at least pretend you like him – for my sake.’

‘I think we can do that, can’t we, Han?’ said Jonno. ‘I really don’t think he’s that bad.’

‘Mandy,’ Hannah grabbed Amanda’s hands and looked into her face, searching. Does he make you happy? That’s all I care about – I can deal with his airs and graces, but just tell me: Does. He. Make. You. Happy?’

Amanda hesitated. She had meant every word she said – Adrian was kind and supportive. She knew she couldn’t have managed without his dependability and steadiness. But she also knew their relationship wasn’t completely right.

Then again, the man she wanted, Jonno, had never shown any indication that he loved her any differently to the way he loved his sister. And she couldn’t admit to Hannah that she had feelings for Jonno.With all she’d lost in the past few years, she just couldn’t face losing the friendship of the twins. It would have to stay the way it was.

Aware they were both waiting for an answer, she looked her friend squarely in the eye. ‘Yes,’ she answered.

Adrian’s car was already parked by the shed when the others arrived home. The back door was open and several cartons of Chinese food were sitting on the kitchen table when they walked in.

‘What a fabulous smell!’ Hannah said.

‘I would’ve thought you ate out heaps in Sydney,’ Amanda commented.

‘Not as much as I’d like; it’s pretty expensive – but then again, so’s everything these days.’

‘That’s weird,’ Amanda said, turning towards the front door.

‘What?’ asked Hannah.

‘The front door’s open. Ade would’ve come through the kitchen door. We never use the front door.’ Amanda walked down the passage to close it. ‘Hey, Jonno, can you call Ade from the sheds and tell him we’re ready for tea?’

Amanda got out the dishes and served up, reheating everything in the microwave, then lit the fire in the living room. Although it had been a beautiful September day, the night was coming in cool. Hannah fetched the beers for herself, Jonno and Amanda, and poured Adrian a glass of white wine.

The boys entered the house, commenting on the coolness of the evening.

‘I’ve got the fire burning,’ Amanda told them. ‘Let’s eat in the lounge room. By the way, Ade, did you leave the front door open?’

‘Front door? No, why?’

‘It was open when I came in.’

He shook his head.‘No, I only popped in to put the takeaway on the kitchen table. Then I headed straight out to the shed – I wanted to grab that drill you borrowed last week.’

Amanda shrugged. ‘Strange.’

As they ate in companionable silence, Amanda had the peculiar feeling that someone was watching her. She kept glancing around but the others were occupied with their dinner. Then, as she got up to take the plates to the kitchen, she saw a flick of a tail under a chair no one was sitting in and gasped.

‘Ade, there’s a snake under that chair,’ she said as she pointed, frozen to the spot.

‘What?’ Adrian put down his wineglass.

‘There, under that chair!’

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, then Hannah leapt onto her chair while Jonno stood up, ready to help.

‘Mandy, are you sure? Have you ever had a snake in the house before?’

‘No! And of course I’m bloody sure. I’m not stupid!’

‘Okay, ladies, let’s not panic. I’m going out to the ute to get a shovel. If you’ll all just stay put, I’ll be back in a jiffy!’

Hannah stifled a snort of hysterical laughter. ‘Tell me, who else could say “jiffy” at a time like this!’

They all laughed, but the atmosphere had turned very tense and every eye was glued to the chair in question.

Adrian returned quickly. ‘Now, Jonno, can you lean the chair back for me? Okay, no one move. I can’t understand how . . . Oh, hello. There you are.’ Adrian brought the shovel down on the tiger snake’s head as it was flattening out its neck.

Hannah’s gasp filled the room, as the snake wriggled in its final death throes.

‘I’ll just get this into the back of the ute,’ said Adrian as he slid the shovel under the body and tried to stop it from slithering off. Hannah screamed as the wriggling body fell to the floor.‘Hannah, it’s dead,’ Adrian told her firmly. He bent down and picked up the body by the tail then walked outside.

Amanda gave a strained giggle. ‘You look like a monkey perched on that chair, Hannah! I think we all need another drink after that. I’ll grab some beers.’

In the kitchen, she rested her head against the fridge door and took shaky breaths as she thought of the open front door. That was almost definitely where the snake had come in, but she had never known that door to open easily.

Chapter 18

A week later, Amanda was in the sheep yards when Adrian arrived. She had hold of a sheep and was clipping away wool that had become infested by maggots.

‘Hi, Ade, how’s it going?’ said Amanda looking up at him and catching a look of disdain on Adrian’s face. She knew he didn’t like her new hair cut. He’d made a point of telling her he missed her long locks and he thought she was losing too much weight. ‘All your curves are gone and you’re beginning to look like a man from behind. I just can’t understand your desire to do all this physical work! Surely your body isn’t made for such punishment!’

He watched her work for a few minutes then said, ‘How about I send Damo over to finish that up for you? It looks like you’ve got a few more to do.’

‘Nah, I’m fine.It’s good for me! I just wish I’d checked these girls a couple of days ago and it wouldn’t have come to this. I should’ve gone out the day after the sale, but Hannah and Jonno were such a bad influence, and after the snake episode, I had one too many.’

‘Now why doesn’t that surprise me, Mandy? You know, Hannah and Jonno are lovely people but they do tend to play a bit too hard at times.’

‘You’re just saying that because you’ve outgrown it and you’re more mature than us!’ She smiled as she stood up to show she was joking. ‘You’ve had your fun, it’s our turn now.’ She poured some flystrike liquid on the affected area and helped the ewe stand up. ‘There you go, girl. You’ll feel much better now.’ She walked over to the fence and leaned on the rails.

‘Well, how does a weekend away at a luxurious resort in the south-west sound? Too old and mature for you?’

‘Why?’

‘I thought we could celebrate your accomplishment as a stud breeder, since your sale was such a success. What do you think?’

Amanda looked at him uncertainly, not sure how to react.

‘Look, Mandy, I know you’re unsure about us, and I wish I could change your mind. Would it make you feel better if I booked two rooms?’

‘I can’t, Adrian,’ she said, turning away. ‘The farm needs me; I can’t just take off on a whim. And I haven’t got that sort of money.’

‘I was offering to pay, you goose,’ he said, smiling at her affectionately. ‘Look, if you don’t have some fun soon, you’re going to turn into a pumpkin! You need to get away occasionally, have a look around.’ He played his trump card. ‘We could always call in at a couple of studs around Albany way and see if there’s any genetics there you’d like to pick up.’ He paused. ‘And I’ll get Damo to keep an eye on things here for you.’

Amanda didn’t answer at first as she thought through his proposal.

‘When did you want to go?’ she asked finally.

‘This weekend.’

Amanda was silent again. Then, ‘Okay, I think I can have everything done by then. I can have these ewes jetted to stop the flies and the lambs don’t need to be weighed for another week . . . Yep, that would be fine. And,’ she looked away awkwardly,‘the two-room thing might be a good idea.’

Adrian’s smile was a little forced, but he said, ‘Done!’

As they cruised towards the south-west on Friday afternoon, Amanda took in the awesome sight of the trees. Their height and majesty was amazing. After five hours of constant driving, they pulled into a chalet, hidden by tall bushes and rambling hedges with pretty blue flowers. Climbing roses grew over an archway that led up to the front door and Amanda could see other small chalets hidden behind the same sort of vegetation. The sound of ducks squawking suggested there must be a lake close by.

As Adrian pushed the door open, Amanda caught a glimpse of golden curtains and sparkling chandeliers. She walked inside, marvelling at the beautiful jarrah furniture, the mirrors and paintings with which the room was decorated. There was a bottle of champagne and two crystal flutes on a silver tray on the sideboard.

‘Bit flash for me, Ade,’ Amanda said with a wry smile.

‘Nonsense! Nothing is too flash for you, my dear. You just need a little more pampering, that’s all. Drink?’

She nodded and walked through the other rooms, exploring the chalet. There were two bedrooms, as Adrian had promised, a kitchen, a formal lounge and a bathroom that was bigger than her lounge at home! It had a massive white spa bath with golden taps. She shook her head at the excessiveness of it all and turned to go and find Adrian. She gasped as she almost ran into him, standing right behind her. He smiled and offered her the glass he was carrying.

‘Adrian, how much did this cost?’ she asked in wonder.

‘Not something that you need to worry your pretty head over,’ he answered, and held up his glass. ‘Here’s to us,’ he said, clinking his glass against hers.

‘Here’s to us,’ she echoed.

‘I’m having dinner delivered. It’ll be here in about an hour and a half. Would you like to sit out on the verandah and finish your drink, or freshen up?’

‘I reckon I’ll have a drink, then a shower. I don’t suppose there would be a beer anywhere?’ She wrinkled her nose as a bubble went up it.

‘Dinner’s here, Mandy,’ called Adrian.

‘Coming.’ She put her book down and rose from the bed. Stretching, she realised that she had really loved the time away. That morning, they had walked around the lake, then spent the afternoon wandering from winery to winery. (That had been Adrian’s idea – Amanda was a beer girl at heart.) But as much as she’d enjoyed some time off, it would be good to get back to Kyleena and her sheep tomorrow.

Entering the formal lounge where Adrian had set up dinner, she wondered how she could thank him for the weekend. She’d been so grateful that he hadn’t pressured her to sleep in the same room. He really was a very thoughtful man.

‘Here we are, my love.’ Adrian pulled out her chair, got her settled at the table and then handed her a plate.

After an enjoyable meal, Adrian pushed back his chair, threw his serviette on the table and crossed his legs.

‘So have you had a nice time, Mandy?’

‘It’s been lovely, Adrian. I’ve been totally spoiled. I’d really like to pay for some of it.’

‘You couldn’t afford to, my dear,’ he said kindly, ‘and I didn’t bring you because I thought you’d offer to pay your way. I brought you because I love you and I would like us to start a life together – but you seem hesitant and I’m really not sure why. You won’t let me kiss you or even hold your hand. Perhaps you could help me to understand what you’re feeling?’

Amanda swallowed nervously. She didn’t really know herself what was holding her back. She just had a niggling doubt going back to her father’s reaction the night Adrian had first appeared at Kyleena.

‘I’m not sure, Adrian.You’ve been there for me since Dad died and there are times I couldn’t have managed without you. I just really want to get Kyleena up and going before I make any long-term plans. It’s not that I don’t care about you – I do. But . . .’ She trailed off.

‘I could help you with Kyleena, you know. I could give you a small loan . . .’

‘No! You’ve done enough! You’ve lent me man power when I couldn’t cope by myself, you’ve helped me make hard decisions, and I’m so grateful. But I can’t, I won’t take your money.’

‘Mandy, I could offer you such a comfortable life. No money worries, Kyleena would be safe. Then you wouldn’t have to work the way you do now. You could just tend to the garden, have babies – do some charity work, if you wanted.’

‘You’ve got to be joking.’ Amanda burst out laughing. ‘Could you really see me stuck in a house having babies?’ she asked incredulously.

Adrian smiled gently. ‘Oh, yes. And they’d be beautiful babies, with dark hair and your beautiful smile. I’d love to come home and see that.’

Amanda realised he was serious. ‘Adrian, I don’t think I’m that sort of person. I couldn’t be tied to the house or garden. Yes, one day I’d love to have children, but it wouldn’t tie me to the house – they’d be out in the ute with me. I’d want to teach them all the things Dad would have taught me if only I’d let him. I want them to love the land the way I do and . . .’ She stopped as she saw his face and felt the guilt shoot through her. ‘Sorry, Adrian. You took me by surprise.’ She took a deep breath, inwardly berating herself. Adrian had been so kind – how could she kick him in the teeth like she had just done? The pain on his face was clear as he took another sip of wine.

‘Obviously I was wrong about us, Mandy,’ he said eventually. ‘I’m sorry I’ve put you in an awkward position. I apologise.’

Impulsively she reached out and took his hand. ‘Let me think about it Adrian, please. I just wasn’t expecting declarations of love that’s all. Please?’

He smiled wanly. ‘Sure.’

The trip back to Esperance was a quiet one.

Chapter 19

Fighting back tears, Kathleen boarded the train that ran between Esperance and Kalgoorlie. It was the slow train that ran all year round, stopping every half-hour at small settlements, to drop off supplies. She knew it would be a long time before she reached her destination.

Kathleen entered a compartment with two padded seats facing each other, stored her bag in the luggage rack, and tried to make herself comfortable.

She clutched her purse and a small bag of food for the journey, as well as a small wrapped gift that her mother had pushed into her hand before she boarded the train. Then, looking out of the window, she tried to find her mother. Mama was standing near the ticket counter talking with one of her neighbours, a German lady who had not long moved to Esperance.

Mama smiled as she spoke, and Kathleen knew that no one would ever see her mother’s pain. She watched as Mama gestured with her hands and could almost imagine the conversation.

‘Kathleen is off on a small adventure, Anna, yes?’

‘That’s right, Christiana, I’ve family at Kalgoorlie and she’s going there for a small holiday. Besides, she struggles with the cold air during the bitter winters. It gives her terrible trouble with her chest. Doctor Jamieson and I thought she might be better off in the warmer climate of Kalgoorlie at this time of year.’

‘A good idea, yes . . .’

Kathleen felt her stomach and the small bump that was there. It wasn’t her chest that would be the problem soon, it would be the baby. It wasn’t family she was going to stay with, but a home for fallen women that her mother had found out about through discreet enquiries.

Leaning her head against the cabin window, she secretly caressed the bump and thought miserably about her condition. Her mother had presumed the baby was Michael’s, which Kathleen had denied, while refusing to name the real father. Her mother had been angry at first, but finally accepted what could not be changed. She had come up with the idea that Kathleen should leave Esperance, and return in a few years with the story of a dead husband.

Without warning, the train lurched forward and a cloud of steam blew past the window. Panicked suddenly, Kathleen, yanked the window down and leaned out as the train slowly chugged forward, groaning with the weight of the carriages behind.

A feeling of isolation enveloped her as she swayed with the movement of the train. Her mother, in an uncharacteristic display of affection, ran alongside the train and held out her hand. Kathleen reached for it and their fingertips grazed each other before the train gathered speed and separated mother and daughter.

Chapter 20

Amanda raised her eyebrows at the formal invitation she had just received in the mail. Adrian and his bloody dinner parties! Putting it aside she opened the bills one by one, then she got out her cheque book and checked through the stubs. It confirmed what she already knew. She had already written cheques for all of these bills, yet she was receiving overdue notices. She couldn’t work it out. She could even remember putting them in the roadside mail box for collection.

A call to Malcolm Mackay confirmed that none of her cheques had been presented, so she shrugged her shoulders at the strangeness of it all, cancelled them and sat down to rewrite new ones.

Amanda was almost done when she heard Mingus stir from his place at her feet, walk to the kitchen and bark. She looked out the window and saw Adrian’s car coming up the drive. She smiled. It had been a few days since she’d seen him and she was looking forward to intelligent conversation and a few drinks over dinner with him tonight.

She thought ruefully of the glitch in their relationship, when Adrian had suggested she have babies and leave the running of the farm to the menfolk, but once he realised that wouldn’t happen, he’d backed down and declared himself happy with the way things were. ‘After all,’ he’d said, ‘I’d much rather spend time with you than not. When you’re ready to advance our relationship, let me know.’

Well, Amanda had been pondering that for a while and she thought tonight might be the night.

She put down her pen and jumped up to go and meet him.

They sat on the verandah and gazed across the paddocks that were just beginning to turn golden with the approaching summer’s heat. The sheep grazed quietly in the front paddock and Amanda could see Jasmine her special stud ewe with her triplets near the house.

The lambs had grown quickly and, even though all three were ewes, she knew that would be a great addition to her flock,genetically speaking.The thumping growth rate had impressed her and she was sure that they would be great mothers and milkers when the time came, and the ram she’d been hoping for would come next time, she was sure of it.

Mingus sat at Amanda’s feet and both Adrian and Amanda held chilled glasses of wine – she was beginning to develop a taste for it.

Amanda glanced at Adrian out of the corner of her eye. She could see the beginnings of grey streaks in his sandy hair, which reminded her that he was some years older than her. But his face was smooth, with no indication that he’d worked hard in the sun. That was because he hadn’t. He’d grown up on a wealthy property which employed others to do the manual labour.

When she was by herself, it was easy to imagine the two of them together, but as soon as he arrived, all those feelings flew out the window. She suddenly felt she owed him for the time he had put into helping her. And deep down, she knew that wasn’t a good basis for a relationship.

‘Have the hay contractors finished making your hay yet?’ she asked, suddenly uncomfortable with the silence.

‘They’ll be two more days, as long as the weather holds out. The bureau is forecasting a weak cold front to come through in the next three days. Hopefully they’ve got the timing right and we’ll finish. I don’t want to lose the quality of the hay now.’

He was interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

‘Be back in a sec.’ Amanda raced into the house to answer it.

‘Mandy! How are you?’

‘Hannah! Where are you? What’s all that noise in the background?’

‘Just on my way into the city for some drinks with the girls. What about you, what are you up to?’

‘I’m having drinks on the front verandah with Ade.’

‘Oh, sorry, should I call back later on?’

‘No! Talk to me, tell me how everything’s going.’

Amanda smiled as Hannah recounted her week’s adventures, the grain deals she’d done and the volatility of the market. She finished up with: ‘So what’s happening on Kyleena? It seems ages since I was there, but it’s only been three weeks! I’m missing you and all the sheep – not to mention the hay!’

Amanda laughed and was surprised by how good it felt. She tried to remember when she had laughed last. She hadn’t even realised that she hadn’t been laughing lately.

‘Well, Ade and I went away to the south-west for a weekend, Jasmine had triplets . . .’

‘Triplets? Bloody hell, has she got someone to help look after them? Who’d be a stud ewe?’

‘She doesn’t have to wipe their bums and bath them, you idiot! She’s managing fine. The best bit about it was that she wanted all of them right from the word go. I didn’t have to muck around making sure she’d take them all, her mothering instinct was just there.’

‘Mm, well, I’m pleased it’s her and not me. What else is happening?’

Suddenly Amanda found herself pouring out all of her anxiety about the cheques. ‘I can’t think how it could’ve happened, Han. I can distinctly remember putting them in the mail box.’

‘Maybe the postie didn’t put them into the post office, or they just got lost. Sometimes it happens. I wouldn’t be too worried about it, Mandy. Just pop a note in with the cheques you’re writing out now and apologise. Now listen, I’ve got to fly.’

‘Talk to you soon then?’

‘Take care, Mandy. Love you lots!’

Amanda hung up the phone, turned around and let out a little squeal! ‘Ade, I didn’t hear you come in! You gave me a fright.’

‘Sorry, just came to get another bottle of wine. You didn’t tell me about the mail. If any of those businesses give you a hard time, just let me know. I can fix it for you.’

Amanda smiled and went to give him a hug. ‘A fix-it man! Just what I need.’

‘I know you do,’ he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

Chapter 21

‘Mandy, it’s Adrian. I’ve been called away to Perth for a few days – business, unfortunately. Sorry, I’m going to have to cancel tonight. I’ll call you when I get to Perth and tell you about it then. See you in a few days.’

Mandy listened to the message with a sense of relief. She hadn’t really wanted to go across to Paringa tonight, with its shiny new shed, brand-new John Deere tractor and beautiful sheep yards that Amanda would’ve given her eye teeth for. And that was without starting on the house! Even though it was many years old now, the renovations that had been completed throughout good seasons put most farmhouses to shame. Built on the side on a rise, the wide verandahs looked over the vast acreage that Adrian’s father had accumulated over the years. Inside, views from the formal lounge showed manicured gardens and lawns. But all that ostentatious wealth made her uncomfortable.

Amanda glanced around her home and wondered why Adrian kept coming here when he was used to such luxury. Why would he want to spend time in her dark, cold, musty house? He really must like her, she realised.

With Mingus at her heels, Amanda decided that it was time to go down to Karru paddock again. She had a special spot along the riverbank that she visited in memory of her father.

As she walked through the bush, she thought about the time after her father’s death. She’d spent hours searching the riverbanks for a sign of him – a piece of clothing, his watch, anything. But she’d found nothing. She eventually came to understand that the searching was part of her grieving, but also a sort of healing. She’d discovered parts of Kyleena she hadn’t known existed. Like the little cave that butted up against Paringa’s boundary and the sweet grasses that grew between the granite rocks on the river’s edge. She’d found donkey orchids and native pine trees. The canopy of mallee trees which let only glimpses of the blue sky through, somehow making the songs of the birds seem louder and more tuneful. Sometimes she saw kangaroos resting under the trees. Once she’d seen an echidna snuffle its way across the ground and disappear into the thick undergrowth.

The bush was nowhere near as thick as it had been when her grandfather, Michael Greenfield, had first come to Kyleena. The stock had woven paths through it and eaten the new growth. Walking through these stock pads was one of Amanda’s favourite pastimes. She came as often as her busyness allowed – it was where she liked to think about and talk to her dad, try to work out what he would’ve done when she had problems. She always left feeling relaxed and peaceful.

The only part she really hated about coming here was having to walk past the pit where all her sheep were buried. The sheep she had failed. Older farmers had said she couldn’t have done anything different but she thought she could’ve. She could have put them in the shed, for example. But she hadn’t, and every time she saw the pit a feeling of desperation came over her. The terror that it could happen again, that she could kill helpless animals once more, was overwhelming. The guilt still weighed on her – and it gave her new insight into her father’s reaction to her mother’s death. If she was so upset about the sheep what must he have been feeling as the driver of the car in which his beloved wife was killed?

That had put some of his behaviour in perspective. She’d begun to wonder if maybe Brian had been suffering some kind of depression. Knowing the stoic man he was, there was no way he would’ve ever discussed his feelings with anyone. Amanda didn’t even know who he could’ve talked to even if he had wanted to. He was friends with lots of other farmers, but she couldn’t think of anyone he would’ve felt comfortable talking to – except Helena.

All of her frustration and resentment of her father had disappeared, leaving her instead with a deep sense of sadness. She’d been so caught up in her own grief, too stubborn and headstrong to see that Brian had been crying out for help. That left Amanda with a ghastly question: had her father fallen, or had he jumped?

But she tried to avoid such morbid thoughts. Today she was happy meandering down the track, stopping to look at the wildflowers that had begun to appear and enjoy the smell of the bush that the morning’s brief shower had intensified.

She wandered along the river’s edge, stepping carefully on the moss-covered rocks, peering into rock pools to see if she could see any yabby shells and watching the water birds. Climbing to the highest point of granite, she surveyed the scene before her. Unable to see Kyleena because of the bush behind her, she looked instead across the river and onto the land of Paringa. Adrian’s Hereford cows were grazing on the perennial pastures he had planted on the edge of the river. He had cleared a lot of his bush country and turned it into good grazing country – although it was so low-lying Amanda wondered apprehensively what impact it may have on his land in years to come. Amanda knew that Michael had refused to clear his, first needing shelter for his stock and later for fear of rising salt.

She turned slightly and caught a glint of a tin reflection on Paringa, far from the boundary. Staring hard, she realised it was Adrian’s house. She hadn’t realised it was so close to the river.

Amanda stopped and looked around, trying to see this area as if she’d never been here before. There was something niggling in the back of her mind.

The fence.

Amanda scrambled down the granite on the western side and came up against the remnant vegetation block, which she’d been told her father had fenced off about twenty years before.

She ran her eye over the fence. Old. Rusty. Wire netting? Hand-cut posts from yate and paperbark trees? That wasn’t used anymore – hadn’t been for forty or fifty years. Amanda could remember reading in her pop’s diary how excited he’d been with the new fences that had been researched and shown to work in the late 1950s. He’d set about replacing his old fences, like this one, with plain wire fences, steel and wandoo posts. This couldn’t be a remnant vegetation section then. The fences were too old.

Amanda cocked her head to one side, thinking, then pushed her way into the overgrown bush for a look.

After a while she began to feel like she knew what it must’ve been like for the early settlers fighting their way through scrub and thick undergrowth as her arms and legs were scratched by prickly banksia trees and kerosene bush. Some parts were so thick that she couldn’t push through and she had to backtrack and find another way. Under the trees there was a thick layer of dead leaves and twigs and it was eerily quiet except for the occasional birdcall.

As she stumbled through, she found a trench that had been paved with stones, much like a gutter for running water. Intrigued, she followed it, thinking it would take her back to the river’s edge, but instead she found an old shack in a clearing, the trench running into a large pit that was also paved with natural rocks.

She walked around the outside of the hut in wonder, finding old mulberry trees still growing near a fenced-off area. There were some chives growing near the rusty gate in what Amanda assumed were once garden beds. Maybe it was an old veggie garden.

Amanda’s skin started to tingle. She must be the only person who knew about the hut. It was built of iron, nailed onto thick wooden posts with a hole for a window, covered with what looked like old wheat bags. There was a narrow wooden door at the front of the hut, and Amanda could see gaps between the frame and door. She wanted to push it open and see the inside, but the thought of coming face to face with a tiger snake and its family was too frightening.

After several more minutes of exploring, she realised she could hear the river trickling and followed its sound.

The way back to her ute was easier, following the river’s edge, for which she was pleased. The sun had begun to sink. She realised that she still hadn’t organised something to wear to Adrian’s dinner party on the weekend. And with the discovery of the hut, she was determined to find out more about it.

Chapter 22

‘On the channel, Amanda?’ Damo, Adrian’s workman, called over the two-way.

‘Yep,’ she answered as she held her breath and slowly manoeuvred the tractor and large green chaser bin through the gate. She was heading for the silver silos full of barley, her fifth load for the day, but still got nervous going through gateways. She was petrified that she’d hit the strainer post, or damage the bin somehow. She’d only just started to use the throttle to its fullest in the last two loads, much to Damo’s frustration.

‘You’re too slow – any slower and you’d bloody stall!’ he’d said earlier in the day.

‘I’m still learning,’she’d shot back at him. He’d turned away, muttering something about ‘the boss’s girlfriend’. Amanda had bitten her lip and concentrated so hard on increasing her speed that she was exhausted now.

‘Are you nearly back here?’

Amanda smothered a sigh of frustration. ‘No, Damo, I just left. I’ve still got to get to the silo and unload. I can see Tom on his way back though,’ she said, as she saw the other chaser bin rumbling towards her. ‘Okay, Tom?’

‘Yep. I’m about three minutes away, Damo, so keep yer hair on, would ya?’ Tom suggested. ‘It’s not going to rain for the next few days and we’re all working as hard as we can.’

Silently, Amanda thanked Tom for stating the obvious but she also knew how everyone turned into ogres when harvest was on. Bit like shearing really, she thought ruefully, thinking of her dad.

She let out her breath in a whoosh as she trundled slowly through the gate. Once she was in the laneway, she upped her speed and headed off to the gravel turnaround, where five huge silos sat waiting to be filled with the yellow grain.

She still wondered how she’d managed to con Adrian into letting her drive a chaser bin this harvest. He was determined that she wouldn’t, then the early November rains had put his program back and caused a fly-wave throughout the district. Amanda had spent days jetting sheep and treating the ewes that were struck.

Then one of Adrian’s employees had resigned when his father had taken ill in Victoria. Adrian had searched high and low for someone else, but all the seasonal employees seemed to have been snapped up, so, reluctantly, he’d agreed Amanda could have a go.

The minute Amanda had got into the tractor, she’d wondered if she’d finally picked on something she couldn’t do. This new John Deere tractor was so big compared to her twenty-year-old one, the chaser bin rumbling behind the tractor like a thunderstorm, when empty, and when it was full, the bin pulled every time she hit a bump, making her think she had a flat tyre, let alone something worse, like a wheel had fallen off or an axle had snapped. Of course Adrian’s warning that chaser bins could tip over if you hit a large dip had left her with sweaty palms, a lump in her throat and butterflies in her stomach. Then there was Damo’s insistence that she drive faster than she felt comfortable doing. And it wasn’t just that! It was the forward and reversing, trying to line the auger up with the open hole at the top of the silo and letting the grain flow in, making sure the silo wasn’t so full that the grain overflowed. There were so many things to think about! But she also knew she wasn’t a quitter, so here she was the second day with all the signs of nervous anxiety, about to unload the golden grain. Tom had assured her it would get easier as she got more experienced – she was looking forward to that day!

Looking at the finger controls that would bring out the auger to unload the grain, she had a brain freeze. Which one did she push first? She berated herself for getting so worked up that she’d forgotten simple instructions. Glancing at her hand, where she had the instructions written, she confidently pulled the middle control and watched with satisfaction as the auger groaned out from where it was tucked in neatly along the side of the bin. She inched the tractor forward until the end of the auger was over the gap in the silo’s roof and pushed forward the empty control. Watching the grain flow into storage, without losing a single grain onto the ground, she did a mental fist clench with a loud yeah! Afterwards she decided she must be really sad to get so excited about getting grain into a bin!

Reversing out of the tight spot she was in, she turned the tractor and headed back towards the paddock, her thoughts full of the coming few days.

Hannah and Jonno were coming for Christmas and Amanda would be picking them up off the plane in three days’ time. She’d ordered a huge chicken roll, stuffed with onion, apricot, parsley and garlic, as well as a pork roast. She had eggs to make a pavlova, and on the way back from the airport, they would call in to the bottle shop to pick up their drinks supply. It would be so great to see them both. Adrian would join them on Christmas morning.

She was also excited that her fire-fighting gear had turned up yesterday. The previous winter she’d done a course so she would be able to protect Kyleena if there was ever a lightning strike. She’d also decided that the volunteer services had done such a wonderful job when she’d needed them that she needed to give something back.

As she pulled back into the paddock, Amanda opened the window of the tractor to get a gauge on the temperature, shuddering as a blast of heat shot through the air-conditioned cab. She was thankful now that she was in Adrian’s tractor and not her own – hers didn’t have air-con!

Scanning the paddock for the harvester, she found the large machine on the far side of the paddock and drove towards it, noticing as she did that the auger was out, the sign that the header box was full and the chaser bin needed to take the grain away.

Amanda groaned as she saw Adrian turn into the paddock. He checked on her at least twice a day. She supposed he’d heard the two-way exchange. Taking the load of grain from Damo, she swung the tractor around and headed towards the gate. When she saw Adrian was driving towards her, she slowed and finally stopped, the chaser bin banging behind her. Summoning up a big smile, she watched as he bounded out of his ute with the energy of a twenty-year-old. He jumped up the steps and ripped open the door with a huge smile.

‘You’re off the hook! I’ve found another driver. He’s on his way out here now, so if you want to empty this load out, you can head home.’

‘Oh.’ Amanda was taken aback. ‘Are you sure? Where did you find him?’

‘A bloke popped into the John Deere agency in town and asked if there were any jobs going. He’s just driven across the Nullarbor to spend Christmas with his wife’s family. He wanted a few days of work – doesn’t get on with the in-laws apparently. Joe thought of me immediately, quizzed him about his credentials, spoke to an old employer and here we are. So now you can go get the house all ready for Christmas!’ Adrian looked so pleased with himself that Amanda couldn’t help but laugh.

As she plumped up the last of the pillows on Hannah’s bed, Amanda felt a welling of excitement in her stomach. Grabbing the pillow to her chest, she let herself fall backwards onto the bed and gazed at the ceiling, trying to imagine what it would be like to be a housewife in Adrian’s big manor house.

So much had happened since the twins had been here last and she was desperate to see them. She laughed as she thought about Hannah and her fly-away hair and Jonno, with his big grin and well-muscled arms. Remembering all the fun times they’d shared together, she had a chuckle. Then she heard the garden gate creak. ‘Bloody thing,’ she thought, trying to ignore the nervousness that shot through her stomach, at the noise. ‘I must oil that!’ It had scared her late one night when she had woken from a deep sleep to hear an eerie creaking, squeaking sound. She’d lain in bed, frozen, until she had finally worked out what it was.

There was a funny growl before a pair of paws landed on her legs and Mingus looked down at her.

‘Mingus! You scared me!’ said Amanda sitting up and fondling his head. ‘Are you telling me I’m slacking on the job? I thought you’d be used to that by now! Housework is not my favourite way to spend the day.’

Putting the pillow back, she looked at her watch. ‘Shit, I’d better get on with it; the twins will be here in a couple of hours!’

Chapter 23

Hannah sat cross-legged on Amanda’s bed with a glass of wine in her hand, while Amanda lay back against the pillows. After five hours of non-stop talking and cooking in preparation for tomorrow’s Christmas lunch at the beach, they were still at it. Jonno had held up his hands in defeat about two hours ago, called it quits and gone to bed.

‘Hey,’ Amanda said, ‘you know how I told you about the hut I found in the remnant vegetation block? I still can’t find anything to do with it on the maps I’ve got. It’s really weird because the fire maps they gave me when I did my training cover every square inch of land in the Esperance shire. The bush there is documented, but there’s no mention that it’s Kyleena’s land or that there’s a hut on it. It’s really got me stumped.’

‘Have you asked any of the old-timers around here? Surely someone has to know something.’

‘I haven’t actually, I’ve been too busy, but I know that it’s Kyleena land. Dad told me ages ago.’

‘Well, its Kyleena’s then,’ Hannah said briskly. ‘We’d better go to bed, Mandy, or we’ll sleep through Christmas lunch.’

‘Yeah, you’re right. It’s just so good to have you here – I miss you guys so much. It’s not like I don’t have any other mates around here, but they’re all older than me – more Adrian’s friends, I guess. Him and the bloody dinner parties that he puts me through!’ She grinned. ‘There was one that I thought was meant to be a barbeque, but when I got there it was all these toffy-nosed women decked out in jewels and shiny tops and makeup. And guess what I wore? Jeans, my boots and a rugby top. At least I felt comfortable, but I think poor Adrian was a bit jacked off with me!’

Hannah giggled then said, ‘I wish you hadn’t cut your hair though. As much as I hate to tell you this, you do look like a guy.You need to fem up a bit.That’s probably all Adrian is thinking. Hey, maybe you need breast implants!’

Amanda blinked. ‘Implants? Well now, there’s an idea – but not a very good one! You’ve obviously had too much to drink – get yourself off to bed, woman!’

Hannah stood up and backed towards the door. ‘Think of it: large, voluptuous bosoms.’ She jiggled her hands under her own breasts. ‘Ha! We’ll get you a makeover! Dye your hair blonde . . . Ouch!’ Hannah had backed straight into the doorframe.‘Mmm, I guess that’s what you think about that. Night!’

‘Yep, you’re about right. The sheep wouldn’t appreciate them. Night.’

‘Where’s the drinks esky?’ Jonno asked as he heaved out a large esky full to the brim with yummy eats for Christmas lunch. ‘It’s so hot, we’re going to need it before lunch. And where’s the sunshade?’

‘It’s been packed,’ Amanda called back as she wiped the sweat off her face and once again rechecked the fridge to make sure she hadn’t left anything behind. The pasta salad had been made this morning and, while Hannah groaned about her headache, Amanda had thrown together a green salad and a Waldorf salad. That, she had decided, would have to do. The pav was being saved for the cool of the evening, when they got home.

‘Adrian’s here,’ yelled Jonno from outside.

Amanda looked through the window to see Adrian pull up next to the ute in a cloud of dust.

‘Jonno! Merry Christmas. Great to see you.’ Amanda watched as Adrian offered his hand as he got out of the car. She could tell from his large smile that he was genuinely pleased to see Jonno.

‘Hi, Adrian,’ Hannah jumped down the steps and kissed his cheek.‘Merry Christmas.’

‘And to you, Hannah. You’re looking as lovely as ever.’

‘Merry Christmas.’ Amanda walked down the steps and gave Adrian a hug.

‘Presents are in the back.’ Adrian walked around and opened the car door.

‘Presents?’ Amanda cried. ‘Let’s leave them until we get home. I’m dying to get to the beach and have a swim. What about you guys? Aren’t you dripping with sweat?’

‘Yeah!’ Jonno said. ‘Let’s head off.’

As they pulled onto the deserted beach, Amanda knew they’d made a good call.The waves gently lapped at the beach, while the white sand shimmered in the heat, a group of gulls flew into the air squawking and a sea eagle glided casually above them.

They fell out of the car, talking and laughing, Jonno with a beer in his hand and Adrian reaching into the esky.

Once their camp site for the day was set up, they all sat and talked for a while until Amanda decided she was going for a swim. As Hannah rubbed sunscreen on her back, the smell catapulted Amanda back to her childhood. Her parents had taken her to swimming lessons at the town beach where, come rain or shine, the kids were tossed into the water and taught to brave the elements, as well as swim. Some days it was so cold that, with her teeth chattering and goose bumps on her blue-tinged skin, her mum would usher her into the car after her lesson and whisk her away to a small cafe on the foreshore, where they would eat hot chips with tomato sauce and drink hot chocolate. Unexpectedly, tears threatened and she swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in her throat.

‘Ta, Han,’ she said, and quickly ran down the beach and dived into the waves to wash her feelings away.

She lay on her back, floating, looking at the vivid blue sky, thinking how lucky she was. She had wonderful memories from her childhood, good friends, a farm that was going well and Adrian. She didn’t know what to call him really. He wasn’t really her boyfriend – she still hadn’t come at kissing him yet – but . . .

She spluttered as something slimy grabbed at her feet and pulled her under. Thrashing about she finally got her feet on the bottom and pushed to the surface, gasping for air and looking around wildly. Then she saw Adrian’s grinning face.

‘Hey! You scared the crap out of me!’ She swam over to him and tried to wrestle him under the water. Hannah arrived and had her hands on his shoulders, trying to push him down. The screams and splashes brought Jonno out of the sunshade, diving in to help Adrian.

In the midst of it all, Amanda, who had been pushed under again, thought she felt a pair of lips graze hers. But by the time she’d spluttered to the surface again, the other three had moved away in a frenzy of splashing and she had no idea if she’d imagined it, or if someone had actually tried to kiss her.

Chapter 24
Autumn 1936

Michael watched as the boat docked at the wharf and the passengers started to make their way onto the jetty. Children ran in front of their mothers, shouting with joy to be free from the confines of the ship, while their fathers struggled with the luggage.

Michael could well remember his own feelings as he touched dry land in Esperance. The apprehension, the excitement and fear – just what these men would be feeling now. Michael longed to stop them and tell of the exciting things they would experience, but he was too tense.

He searched the crowd for Grace, but couldn’t see her. He moved closer to the ship as a group of five ladies wearing large hats and full dresses felt their way uncertainly down the gangplank. He looked carefully at their faces, but none was her.

Then he felt a hand on his elbow and heard a soft voice in his ear.

‘Hello, Michael. It’s been a long time.’

He turned and saw Grace’s serious face staring back at him. He drew a deep breath, startled by her beauty. She had altered so much in the past two years. Her white skin was tinged with brown from the days on the boat and her nose had a smattering of freckles. Her vivid blue eyes were serious, but held a hint of mischief. Yet it was her exquisite face that held him silent and made his mouth dry. His eyes pinned to hers, he raised his hand and ran his fingers down her cheek, noting how clear her eyes were.

Michael finally found his voice.‘He didn’t hurt you, did he? Mother said he made threats against you.’

‘He managed to get into the house somehow – but Edward was in the garden and heard my call for help. That’s when it was decided that I should join you. I’m grateful that you will have me. I must confess, I thought I’d never see you again, after you left so suddenly.’

‘Oh, Grace, I thought the same, but I am pleased to have you here. Although I regret to say that you may find life difficult – I have nothing but a small shack, a few cows, sheep, chickens and a dog. I can’t offer the comforts that you are used to. It is isolated. The neighbours are few and far between, but a friendly lot.’

‘Then we will make it better. Together.’ She put her hand over Michael’s and he knew then by her determined voice that she would be all right on Kyleena and it was time to banish his thoughts of Kathleen for good.

‘Well, we must be married as soon as possible. Before we return to Kyleena. I have reserved a room for you at the boarding house. It is comfortable, although the lady who runs it can be quite severe at times.’ Michael didn’t mention the icy reception he faced when booking Grace’s room, or the reason behind it. ‘Let’s walk there and I will return for your luggage. While you rest, I’ll organise the wedding and see to our supplies. We can leave for Kyleena straight after the nuptials. I am suddenly in a hurry to show you your home.’

She smiled up at him for the first time since she arrived. ‘ And I am in a hurry to see it.’

Chapter 25
2006

‘You look terrible, what’s wrong?’ asked Adrian as he arrived at the shearing shed.

Amanda forced a smile. ‘Nothing really. I just didn’t sleep very well last night.’

‘Why not?’ Adrian’s forehead wrinkled in concern.

‘Oh, I did something stupid.’ Amanda flapped her hand, trying to brush the memory away. ‘I watched a scary movie, then kept imagining every groan and creak of the house was an alien from the red planet coming to Kyleena to take me back to his lair for research!’

‘Well I keep offering and you keep declining,’ Adrian grinned at her.‘But perhaps you shouldn’t do that again.’

‘Don’t worry, I won’t be!’

‘So did you manage to get everything ready for today?’

Amanda looked over the ewes that were standing on the grating of the shearing shed, waiting.

‘Yep, they’re all ready to meet the plastic penis!’

Adrian cringed. ‘Mandy!’

‘Well that’s what it is. That’s why it’s called artificial insemination. The pipette is plastic, and it holds semen!’

She broke off her teasing as an old ute rattled up to the shed and stopped. Jim, the AI vet, got out and stretched. ‘G’day, Mandy, how’s things?’

‘Hi, Jim.’ Amanda clattered down the steps of the shed to shake his hand as a tall, willowy girl got out of the passenger’s side.

Amanda smiled in greeting. It seemed that every year he’d arrive with a new beautiful technician.

Jim had proved a godsend since Amanda had begun breeding. Not only did he offer AI services, he catered for all the requirements of the stud associations. He had spent hours patiently explaining to her how the industry worked and the technical terms.

‘Genetics being genetics,’ he’d said, ‘if you mate a sheep with a small chop to a sheep with a big chop, you’ll get a medium chop. Butchers are looking for as big a chop as they can get, so you work out the genetics on that.’

In the midst of the clatter and clanging of unloading the steel cradles, Damo and another young bloke, Chris, arrived to help load the ewes into the cradles.

Jenny, the technician, lugged in big cans full of nitrogen and semen, then set up steaming thermoses – known as Dilvacs – also full of nitrogen; they would transfer the semen into these so it could be easily reached. A microscope, kettle and clipboard were laid out, while Jim wheeled in his office chair and set up all of his veterinary scoping instruments, chatting all the while about the genetics industry and new discoveries that had been made over the past year.

‘Right, are we ready?’ Jim asked, rubbing his hands together. ‘Jen, set that fan up please, it’s a bit warm in here. You blokes understand how to use these cradles? Drag a ewe out, then one of you will need to be at the front feet, the other at the back. Grab her legs and tip her onto her back, then lift her up into the cradle. Her front feet hook under these U-shaped arms so she can’t move. Got that?’

Amanda laughed inwardly as Damo looked from the ewes to the cradle. Yeah, they were big girls – eighty or ninety kilos maybe – and he had to lift every one. That’d get him back for going on about her driving the chaser bin too slowly!

Amanda held her breath as Jim inserted the laparoscope and semen pipette. Looking through the eyepiece, he gently pumped a small amount of carbon dioxide into the first ewe so he could see through the innards to the uterus. After a little time, he quietly said, ‘Push’. Jenny, whose hand was on the pipette, gave a small push and used her other hand to write something on a piece of paper.

‘Push,’ Jim repeated.

Jenny pushed the plunger that released the semen into the uterus and withdrew the pipette as Jim pulled out the laparoscope and put it in some disinfectant.

‘Next,’ he called, and the boys rushed to do his bidding.

By the end of the day, one hundred ewes had been inseminated and were now back out in the paddock. Damo and Chris were slumped against the wall of the shed, exhausted, while Adrian was discussing the latest ram sellers with Jim. The previous Perth Royal Show had seen some new merino studs emerge and Adrian was keen to know about the quality of the wool.

Amanda quietly slipped out the back of the shed to fetch some beer, then walked through the sheep yards to the fence where she could see the ewes grazing in the paddock closest to the yards. She was excited about what these ewes held for her future. When their lambs were born, they would be her best lambs yet.

Jim came and stood alongside her. ‘Happy are you, love?’

Amanda nodded. ‘Thanks for what you’ve done today, Jim. I always look forward to you coming.’

‘Those rams you chose will do a lot of good to your flock. Stretch out some of your smaller ewes – there’s a fair bit of meat and muscle in those rams too. Think you made a good choice.’

Amanda was pleased.‘That means a lot coming from someone like you.’

‘You’ve got the ability to see the sheep under its skin. You need to keep on with what you’re doing. Don’t worry about breeding lambs for the commercial market – you make sure you breed the rams for farmers to buy from you. Let them breed the meat.

‘I reckon at some stage you should hold an open day. Explain to your clients what you’re trying to achieve. Start getting your name out there a bit more. Advertise! Get those stock agents to take you seriously. I’ll come down for it and back you every step of the way. You’ve got a talent; it would be a shame to see it wasted.’ He glanced back to where Adrian was standing as he said that, and Amanda got the feeling that he thought Adrian might interfere with the way she ran the stud.

‘No one has any say on my farm except me, Jim,’ she said softly. ‘Thanks for your belief in me. I hope I can live up to it. The stud income is a good supplement but the commercial business is making more money at the moment, so I guess I’ll just have to stick to both for the time being.’

‘You remember what I said,’ he told her gruffly, then called over his shoulder, ‘C’mon, Jenny, time to go.’

Adrian stood beside Amanda as the vet’s car disappeared down the drive.

‘He’s got a soft spot for you, Mandy,’ said Adrian.

‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he just enjoys coming here.’

‘No, he likes you. I saw you having a bit of a heart-to-heart with him there. I don’t know what he said, but don’t take it too seriously, eh? I’ve heard him talking to stud breeders before and I think he’s often just telling them what they want to hear.’

Amanda took a sip of her beer to try and hide the disappointment that had shot through her at Adrian’s words. Why couldn’t he have let her enjoy the feeling of achievement for a little longer?

Chapter 26
2006

As Amanda turned the tap over from one water tank to another, she went to wipe away the sweat that was running into her eyes, but the strong hot northerly dried it before she could. As she straightened up, she heard the trickling of water running through the black poly pipe. Satisfied that the tank further down the laneway would be receiving water, she turned and jumped into her ute.

January could be a stinker of a month and on days like today water was crucial for the stock. Earlier in the day, she’d found one of the troughs nearly empty, and when she’d traced it back to the tank, she found the tank was empty. There was no way that should have happened. It would be fine now though. Fresh, clean, cold water was on its way. Beautiful!

What a crappy day, she thought as she jumped into the ute and put the air-con on full blast. Mingus sat on the floor on the passenger’s side, panting hard.

‘Stop puffing, Mingus! You’re just making it hotter in here.’ She watched the trees bend in the wind and the sand in the gateway shifting with each gust. Some of the sheep pads were beginning to blow now and Amanda was frightened that early rains may not arrive. If it didn’t rain on time, more of her farm would blow away and she didn’t like the thought of that.

As she looked across the paddocks, the grass was now a sun-bleached gold and a mirage shimmered in the distance. None of the stock were out in the sun – they were all camped under trees with their heads down, trying to avoid the dust that blew. A lone sheep, thirsty enough to brave the direct sunlight, stumbled towards the trough with its head down and, once there, took long, gulping slurps before turning and walking back to the shade of the big gum trees that ran along the fence line.

It was too hot to be outside, Amanda decided as a particularly strong gust of wind shook the ute. Surely there was paperwork that needed doing in the cool of the office. Her two-way crackled to life as she drove back towards the house.

‘On channel, Mandy?’

‘Yeah, Mandy here,’ she answered, not recognising the voice.

‘Mandy, it’s Ken Hargreave.’

Amanda’s stomach took a dive as she looked around trying to spot smoke. Ken was the captain of her fire brigade.

‘Just wanted to let you know that we’ve issued a harvest and movement of vehicle ban starting at nine-thirty. The only exception is getting water to animals.’

Amanda nodded to herself; it made sense. It meant that the less machinery in the paddock, the less chance of a header or tractor having a bearing break causing the hot steel balls to shatter over the ground and start a fire.

‘Yeah, no worries, Ken. It’s a foul day! Can I let anyone know for you?’

He named a few more people in the brigade’s area then signed off with, ‘We’ll review it at five this afternoon.’

‘Okay, well I might head into town. There’s not much I can do out here and I’ve got to get some supplies. I’ll probably go in the next hour and be back by around lunchtime. I’ll have my mobile with me if there’re any problems.’

‘Thanks for the heads-up, Mandy. Hopefully there won’t be any fires today. Cheers.’

‘Catch you later,’ replied Amanda, then looked at Mingus and said, ‘Well, looks like we’ve got the day off, old mate.’

Back at the house, Amanda made the phone calls about the harvest ban then jumped into the shower and stood there with the cool water running over her. There were always days like this in summer and they scared her. Mother Nature’s power could undo in an instant all the hard work of a year. She could be friend or foe and the display she was putting on today definitely had her in the foe category.

Locking Mingus in the laundry, where he could stretch out over the tiled floor to keep cool, she dressed in the lightest T-shirt and pair of shorts she owned and drove to town.

The only shopping she really liked doing was for the farm, but today she welcomed the coolness of the shopping centre as she headed to the supermarket.

As she pushed the trolley around, she noticed a group of young people, obviously on holidays from uni. Dressed in skimpy tops and short shorts, skin bronzed from hours spent basking in the summer sun, they seemed not to have a care in the world. For a brief moment, Amanda felt such a pang of envy it surprised her. It had been a long time since she’d felt carefree.

Amanda’s next stop was the farm merchandise store. Hopefully the weather would ease in the next few days and she’d be able to get out and fix a couple of sagging fences that could do with some more steel posts to keep them upright. Some of the fences needed replacing, but that was still a long way off, since the last time Amanda had researched how much it would cost to build a new one it had worked out at more than eight hundred dollars a kilometre – and she wanted to do ten kilometres! So for the time being the fences would have to make do with a bit of TLC instead.

As she entered the merchandise building she saw that Sharna was on the front desk.

Amanda had met Sharna about eight months ago, when the younger girl had come to work as an assistant to the merch manager. She’d done a year of vet science at uni but was taking a break to earn more money before she finished her study. They both loved animals and had spent some time discussing husbandry practices.

Today Sharna was sitting next to the printer with a roll of paper over her legs and ink on her cheek.

‘Busy I see,’ Amanda said with a grin.

Sharna looked up and, realising who it was, held up a finger. ‘You are not to say a word. My boss thinks that just because I’ve performed a small amount of surgery on animals that were already dead, I can fix this.’

Amanda laughed. ‘Well I can tell you, it’s better in here than out there. If the heat doesn’t get you, the wind will carry you away.’

‘Yeah, it’s not a good day.’ Sharna struggled to her feet. ‘Good thing you didn’t come in this morning. Slay was in picking up his new hand piece. Man, you hurt some serious male pride there! He’s still dirty on you.’

Amanda frowned. She really couldn’t understand why the guy still had such a grudge against her. Yeah, she’d sacked him, but surely three years down the track he would have got over it! The last time Amanda had seen him, Sharna had been with her at the local show. They were watching the ‘Quick Shears’ competition, when Slay had walked up, stood in front of her and just glared. Amanda hadn’t known what to do, so she’d smiled, then walked around him. It had been really unnerving.

‘Oh well, good thing I’m in now and not then,’ she said.

‘You must have really upset him. Anyway what can I get you today, Mandy?’

‘Well, I’m going to do some fencing.’

‘Oh, good idea! The ground’s as hard as hell, you won’t be able to touch the wire because it’ll burn you, and when you bang the staples in the wood it’ll split because it’s so dry.’

‘Surgery must suit you! Maybe you could think about becoming something other than a vet – your bedside manner sucks when you’re angry.’

‘Sorry.’ Sharna looked sheepish. ‘It’s the weather.’

‘I can sympathise – but hey, I’ve got some news that’ll cheer you up.’

‘Have you? What?’

‘You know how you said you’d drive for me when I wanted to shoot foxes? Well I thought I might start in a month or so. Suit you?’

‘Hell, yeah!’ Sharna brightened visibly. ‘That’d be great. Give me a ring when you want to start. Now, what do you need in the way of fencing gear?’

All that night Amanda listened to the wind howl and moan. At least the harvest ban was still on, meaning machinery fires were one less thing to think about. She kicked off her covers restlessly. It was just too hot to sleep.

She knew she could go to Adrian’s, to his air-conditioner and comfortable house. He had called while she was having tea and urged her to come over but, like him, she was unwilling to leave her farm in case Mother Nature took over. She needed to be here.

Two days later she awoke to bright blue skies and a calm day. She could see out the window that overnight a couple of thick branches had fallen across the drive, but they hadn’t damaged anything – which was a minor miracle considering the strength of the winds.

The stock were next on her checklist, and as she drove along the laneway her stomach constricted as she saw her precious AI ewes hanging around a trough.

Puzzled, she stopped and jumped the fence. She knew that she’d swapped the taps over and pushed water down this side of the farm. But when she looked into the trough, it was dry, mud caked to its bottom. The sheep hanging around it were more than thirsty. Judging by the way their eyes were sunk back in their heads, they were dehydrated.

‘I know I turned those taps over yesterday morning,’ Amanda said aloud as a stab of unease shot through her. ‘I’m sure I did.’ She raced back to the ute and drove towards the tank. The taps were set the wrong way.

Chapter 27

‘I know I set those taps up right, Ade.’ Amanda ran her hands through her hair as she spoke into the phone. ‘I heard the water trickling through the pipe. I just can’t work out what’s gone wrong.’

Adrian had been the first person she’d rung when she found the sheep thirsty and milling around the trough – once she’d fixed the problem. She’d watched with horror as the ewes clambered over one another to get a sip of water and replenish their body fluid. The round trough wasn’t large enough for them all to get a drink at the same time, and their frantic attempts to get to the water showed Amanda how badly dehydrated they all were. She just prayed they wouldn’t miscarry their precious lambs – but with a sick feeling in her stomach, she had to face the fact that they probably would.

She had raced back to the shed, grabbed a bag of salt and emptied it into the trough, knowing that if she allowed the ewes to have unlimited fresh water, it could do them more harm than good.

‘Maybe something rubbed on the taps and turned them back,’ Adrian offered.

‘The only thing that would’ve done that would be a cow, and you know I sold all the cows when I bought in these stud ewes. I just can’t understand it.’ Amanda was working herself into a state and she knew, but couldn’t help it.

‘Well I don’t know. But you’ve fixed the problem now and hopefully there hasn’t been too much damage done. But, Mandy, you’ve got to understand, this is farming. These things happen sometimes and you’ve just got to roll with the punches. Don’t give yourself a hard time about it. I thought we’d worked through this when you lost the sheep during the storm.’

An image of the dead sheep scattered through the bush hit her with full force, followed by another image – the dozer driving through her farm, the driver digging a large hole, and Adrian’s big, shiny front-end loader pushing the dead carcasses into the hole then filling it with dirt. She could see, as though it was happening right before her eyes, the two machines driving back and forth over the filled-in pit to pack the dirt down and squash the bodies, so they wouldn’t rise as they bloated and then started to decompose. That had been her fault and this was too.

‘Anyway, I’d better go,’ Amanda said and hung up the phone before Adrian could respond. The sick feeling in her stomach had suddenly bubbled into her mouth and she raced to the toilet and retched into the bowl.

Then she sank to the floor and started to cry.

A couple of hours later Amanda stalked around the shed with Mingus at her heels, muttering, ‘Maybe I’m not cut out for this. But if I don’t farm, what would I do? Yet if I can’t keep my animals well and healthy, I shouldn’t have them. They rely on me.’ She picked up a spanner and hung it on the wall, then a hammer, then grabbed the broom and started to sweep.

The all too familiar feeling of panic rose and threatened to overwhelm her as she heard the outside bell of the phone ringing. She knew she wouldn’t make it before the answering machine kicked in, but she dropped the broom and ran for the house anyway.

Hannah was leaving a message when Amanda snatched up the phone, breathless.

‘Hi,’ she gasped.

‘Well, I didn’t expect to get you. Where did I pull you from? You sound like you’ve run a marathon.’

‘I was in the shed,’ Amanda panted, trying to catch her breath.‘How are you going? How’s Sydney and the grain trade?’

‘All fine. How about you? What are you up to?’

‘Trying to convince myself that I’m a good farmer. Mingus hasn’t got anything worthwhile to say, so I still haven’t worked out if I am or not.’

‘Ah. Did you have a stuff-up?’

‘You could say that,’ and she went on to tell Hannah the whole sorry saga.

When she had finished, Hannah said, ‘Well, Mandy, I’m sorry but I actually have to agree with Adrian on this. Mistakes happen. It doesn’t make you any less of a farmer . . .’ There was the sound of a mobile ringing in the background. ‘Uh-oh. Sorry, Mandy, I have to dash – the world of grain contracts calls. Good luck, and don’t forget: you are a good farmer!’

That night, Amanda was sitting on the couch in her mum’s study with a glass of wine in hand – she still found it hard to believe that Adrian had changed her beer ways to wine. Flicking through an old photograph album, she could see the happiness etched in her parents’ faces as they pushed her on a swing or held her in their arms.

She turned back to the start of the album and looked again at the photo that she found behind another photo in the album. It always sent a wave of emotion through her. It was taken in the hospital; her mum was in bed and her dad was standing near a window, cradling his newborn child. The smile on his face told a story that Amanda hadn’t felt often with her dad. She wondered why things had changed.

Then there were the farming photos: of the tanks being put up and new dams going in. Even one of the mail box after the mail run had started.

There were photos of Christmases, family gettogethers and dinner parties. As she flicked through she came across a picture of a very young Adrian sitting next to her father. On the table were empty plates and serving dishes. There were half-eaten bread rolls and it looked like there had been a big party, but there was no one else sitting there. They each had a beer in front of them, red cheeks and huge grins. She could almost hear them saying ‘cheers!’ to whoever was taking the photo – Amanda assumed it was her mum.

She looked up as Mingus barked and gravel crunched under wheels in the drive. Through the window she saw Adrian’s car and jumped up, taking the album with her.

‘Look at this,’ she said by way of greeting, and held out the album.

He took it and looked at the photo for a long time. Finally he ran his fingers over the photo then handed the album back. ‘That’s a long time ago.’

‘When was it?’ she asked curiously.

‘The last time I ever came to this farm, until that night I met you again.’

‘Want to tell me about it?’

Adrian sighed heavily. ‘It’s not really something I like to remember, but I guess you need to know, if you’re to understand the relationship I had with your father. Have you got some wine? We can settle down in the lounge and talk if you like.’

‘I would like that,’ she said softly, and went to get a new bottle, another glass and some nibbles.

Adrian was sitting in a rocking chair when Amanda came into the lounge room. He seemed to be lost in thought. When she placed a glass on the table in front of him, he looked up, startled, then picked up the glass and took a sip, while Amanda arranged herself on the couch.

‘Brian was like the father I never had,’ he began. ‘Do you know much about my parents?’

Amanda shook her head.

‘Well, my father was a soldier who retired early. He was an upstanding citizen, worked in the community tirelessly, was a good farmer, and was a man well ahead of his time when it came to understanding markets – financial ones that is, not the animals ones – which is why I have been left as well off as I am. But he was also a man who had high expectations. He didn’t give praise or show affection. As the only son, it was expected I would return home as soon as I finished my schooling in Perth. My sister, Jacqueline, didn’t have anywhere near the expectations placed on her that I had but that was fine – I had broad shoulders. My sister had married a Frenchman not long after she left school and she hadn’t returned to Australia, not even for Mum’s funeral.

‘Neither my father or mother would have anything to do with Brian or your mother. I’m really not sure why – that’s a whole different generational thing that never interested me. I assumed there must have been some bad blood between the families.

‘I met Brian at a young farmers conference. He had been invited to speak about stock feed. Yes, you might well look surprised. Your father was a very good farmer. Unfortunately, as happens in farming, he had seasons go against him and the rising interest rates of the eighties caught him unaware. Because of that, your recollection of him may not be the same as mine. And don’t forget there are a few years’ age difference between us!’ He smiled at her.

‘Well, I was impressed by your father’s talk. He was innovative and excited about what was happening in the farming industry – the stock industry in particular. He tolerated cropping, but only as a way to better his pastures – clean out the weeds and grasses from the clovers and so forth. I went and spoke with him after his talk and he invited me to Kyleena. I came, we got along very well and after that I just kept coming back. You were just a toddler at the time.

‘Your mother was very welcoming and it really felt like the home I had always wanted. I became quite close to Brian. I think I was almost like a son to him . . . Maybe that’s overstating his affection for me, but that’s how I liked to think of it at the time.

‘About a year after I’d started coming here regularly, my father died quite unexpectedly – a heart attack, we were told. And then my mother started her downward slide. She became very difficult and needy all of a sudden. This, I might say, was really very tricky for a young man who was socialising a lot and trying to find a wife. The women I met didn’t like the way she treated them when I brought them home, or her demanding nature. I can look back now and understand that she was frightened of losing me, but hindsight doesn’t fix past damages,’ he sighed.

‘One night, when I’d come home late and covered in cow manure, she demanded to know where I’d been. Brian had been teaching me to preg-test cows, I told her.

‘Even though she had been aware I was visiting, something seemed to snap in her that night. My mother never usually raised her voice, but she screeched that your family was beneath ours and I wasn’t to go to Kyleena again. I was insulting my father’s memory by mixing with people he didn’t like. She became really quite hysterical, and it was then I realised that I needed to spend some time with my mother and try to sort out her difficulties.

‘I’d thought she was quite healthy, but it became obvious that her mind wasn’t and her condition deteriorated rapidly. She was diagnosed with dementia. I couldn’t handle her and the farm, so I employed a couple of good men and made caring for her my priority until she died.’

‘But that doesn’t explain about you and dad and his reaction to you,’ Amanda said.

‘No. No it doesn’t. When I explained to Brian why I couldn’t visit Kyleena anymore he didn’t take it very well – especially when I repeated what my mother had said about the Greenfields being beneath the Majors. I tried to explain that I didn’t know what had caused the bad blood between our two families and I didn’t care, but as you know your father doesn’t forgive very easily. He told me if I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for our friendship, I wasn’t worth knowing.

‘So between the two ultimatums, I chose to stand by my family – my mother needed me, you see. I think anyone would’ve done the same in my situation.’ Adrian sighed deeply. ‘I’m sure Mother’s outburst about the Greenfields was a symptom of her dementia and an overreaction, but I couldn’t risk hurting her by disobeying her wishes.

‘But I guess there are always two sides to every story and that’s mine.Your father might tell a different one if he was still alive.’

Amanda sat silent and still, saddened by the stubbornness of both families and the hurt they had caused Adrian – but she couldn’t help but replay his final words after he had left later that night: Your father might tell a different one if he was still alive.

Chapter 28
1938

Michael walked across the paddock he’d named Karru behind his horse-drawn disc plough, with Bowy at his heels. He had finally finished ploughing and was on his way home.

Karru had been the first paddock he’d cleared, and he thought it might be the most productive area of his farm, as the areas he had cleared since didn’t seem to have the heavy, rich soil of the river.

He smiled as the hut came into view and he saw Grace in the vegetable garden. It hadn’t taken her long to settle into Kyleena and discard her finery in favour of his old work trousers and shirt.

Today he could see the outline of her stomach as she dug the hoe into the ground, and he wondered if the baby might be moving inside her.

Her work in the vegetable patch and orchard was an enormous asset – the plants and trees had blossomed under her care – and Michael had been glad to hand the responsibility for them over to her.

From her arrival two and a half years ago until recently, when she had grown too large to help with the lifting and ploughing, they had worked side by side to create what had become their shared dream.

For weeks on end, they had left the hut at first light and worked together to clear their land, knocking down scrub and piling up branches and sticks around the dead trees before burning them to the ground.

They had their favourite jobs, in amongst the back-breaking toil. Michael loved the sweet smell of the ‘black boys’ as they burned and Grace enjoyed listening to the crackle of the kerosene bush as it threw up flames that looked like they were almost touching the sky.

Together they had started to make Kyleena what it could be and now, as of today, he was ready to put in his first crop of oats and was eagerly anticipating the birth of their first child, which he hoped would be a son.

As he drew near Grace looked up – she must have heard the rattling of the plough – and smiled. Awkwardly, she eased herself into a standing position and walked towards Michael. He felt his heart swell with love as he looked at her.

‘Did you finish?’ Grace called.

‘We did! And what a sterling job these animals have done! They never once faltered or set a hoof wrong. Extra oats and hay for Clip and Clop tonight! Moving closer, he could see she looked tired. Dark rings had formed under her eyes and her hand was held to her back as if she was in pain. ‘How about you, my love? Is the baby active today?’

‘It must be going to make an appearance soon, if its movements are anything to go by.’ She took his arm and together they walked to the river so the horse could have a drink.

‘Do I need to speak with Phyllis Collins?’ Michael asked as he took the harnesses off his two Clydesdales. ‘If you are close to birthing, we should let her know.’ Their neighbour on the eastern side had midwifery experience.

‘She called by this morning after you left for the paddock, on her way to Harpers’,’ Grace said.‘Nancy is close to giving birth as well and Phyllis wanted to check on us both. She thinks we will not have long to wait.’

Michael finished tending to the horses and stabled them for the night, while Grace dished out their oats and hay and called the chooks to their coop. Collecting a large cauliflower and some beans to add to their evening stew, as well as some ripe juicy plums for a dessert, they entered their little hut, their arms around each other.

Michael spoke of the new road that was being built which would run right past their land. ‘I think we should move our home closer to where the road will be. We need a bigger shed for the new kerosene tractor and this little hut won’t be big enough when the baby arrives. What do you think?’

‘It would make sense to be closer to the road – an easier journey to Esperance when we go. But what would we live in?’

‘If we build a shed we could enclose one end for our living quarters. We could build walls, have two or even three rooms.’

Grace smiled. ‘Imagine two rooms! We could have a kitchen and a bedroom.’ She cast her eyes to the roughly made camp bed covered in empty wheat sacks she had sewn together for a bedspread. ‘That sounds wonderful.When can we start?’

‘Once the crop is in,’ Michael replied, filled with joy at the thought of the future which lay before them.

Chapter 29

Amanda attached the spotlight to the battery of the ute and flicked the switch to make sure the alligator clips were hooked up properly. She was rewarded by the bright glow that sent mice scuttling for cover as she shone the light around the shed. Her dad’s .243 rifle sat on the bench with the safety on; the bullets were in the ute.

Sharna adjusted her beanie and hugged her jacket close to her body. ‘Why did we decide tonight?’ she asked again as the cold night air swirled around them.

‘It’s dark, there’s no moon and it’s going to be cold whatever night we do it,’ Amanda reminded her. ‘Toughen up!’

‘Well I don’t see you offering to be on the back of the ute with the spotlight.’

‘I don’t see you offering to pull the trigger – I’m happy to let you if you want to, though.’

The ute leaned to one side as Sharna swung herself onto the back and held her hand out for the spotlight. ‘Nah, I’ll leave that to you. How did you learn to shoot?’

‘Mum taught me. We had to do it on the sly so Dad didn’t know – he wouldn’t have liked it. Mum was a great shot. We used to practise with Coke cans over near the sheep yards. She could blow a tin away from nearly a hundred and fifty paces but didn’t do a lot of shooting though; all the guns are Dad’s. They were handed down from my pop and Dad was really funny about anyone else using them.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t mind learning, if you’d teach me.’

‘No worries, but not with this one. The kickback would set you on your bum and leave you bruised for weeks. We’ll start you on a small twenty-two – and in daylight!’ Amanda climbed into the ute.‘Okay, now you know what we’re looking for?’

‘Foxes around your lambing AI ewes,’ Sharna said.

‘You got it. Righto, hanging on?’Amanda backed out of the shed and turned the ute towards her beloved AI ewes.

There had been some miscarriages due to dehydration. Amanda had gathered up the tiny foetuses and buried them in the bush, vowing that it would never happen again. Not only was it a waste of money, it was a waste of a ewe – she would be barren for another twelve months and Amanda would have to carry her through, knowing that the reason she lost her lamb was thanks to her own carelessness. She wasn’t going to lose any more lambs, if she could help it – and foxes loved newborns.

As Amanda had been checking around the commercial ewes earlier in the week, she’d noticed a dead ewe with her back end chewed out.That meant there were definitely foxes around. And although the big White Suffolk ewes could give a lone fox a run for its money by stamping and charging it, when the foxes paired up the ewe didn’t stand a chance of keeping all her lambs safe, especially if she had twins or triplets to defend.

Amanda had seen foxes working in pairs, one at the front of the ewe, distracting her from her babies and one hidden in the darkness.The ewe would concentrate on the fox she could see, while the other whipped in and grabbed a lamb. The first the ewe would know about losing a lamb was when there was a bleat of fright and then a silence. Amanda, like most farmers, hated foxes with a passion. They were cruel and unrelenting in their pursuit of food.

Amanda’s eyes followed the spotlight, wherever Sharna pointed it, looking for bright red eyes shining in the dark.

After half an hour of slowly cruising around the paddock, Amanda heard a gentle tap on the roof and stuck her head out the window.

‘Where is it?’ she asked.

‘About three o’clock, maybe a couple of hundred metres away.’

Amanda looked out into the light and located the pair of eyes. She lowered the rifle and lined the eyes up in the sights. The fox moved slightly to the left – it seemed to be listening. Amanda adjusted her aim then squeezed the trigger.

The shot echoed loudly through the night and sent some plovers squawking into the air in fright, but with the loud noise there had also come a resounding thud, and Amanda knew that she’d hit her target. She put the ute in gear and drove towards where the fox had been.

Sharna leaned over the ute’s side, looked down at the mangled body and said, ‘Well I don’t think I could fix him up, even if I had finished my training! Good shot, I’m impressed.’ She flashed the spotlight around in case the fox had had a mate, but there was no sign of one.

‘Let’s head over to the commercial ewes now and have a look over there,’ Amanda suggested.

A couple of hours, four dead foxes and two misses later, they pulled back into the shed.

‘Want a coffee before you head back into town?’ Amanda offered.

‘Nah, it’s past midnight, I think I’ll just head home. I’ve got to open up the store tomorrow morning.’ She walked towards her little yellow Datsun car and opened the door. ‘Thanks for having me out. Let me know when you want to go again, I’d be happy to spot for you.’ She slid behind the wheel and drove away.

Back in the house, Amanda let Mingus out of the laundry for his nightly walk and poured herself a glass of wine.As she sat down her eyes roamed over the kitchen and stopped at the bench.There was a coffee cup sitting on it that she distinctly remembered wiping down before she left with Sharna. How had that got there? She picked it up and looked inside. There was a ring of tea left inside and it felt vaguely warm. Amanda went over to the kettle and put her hand on it. It was still hot. How strange! She shrugged, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach as Mingus whined at the door.

‘Have you been making yourself a cup of tea, while I’m not here?’ she asked, patting him. Mingus pricked his ears up at her and then growled quietly. Amanda stopped stroking and listened.Then she saw lights flash across the ceiling of the kitchen.

She froze, then realised that it was probably Sharna coming back – perhaps she had left something behind. She opened the door for Mingus then went into the lounge room to see down the front drive.

There was nothing but darkness. Her heart started to beat a little faster.

With Mingus at her heels she returned to the kitchen and listened. Nothing.

Still feeling a little anxious, she poured herself another glass of wine and sat at the table again. Half an hour and three glasses of wine later, there had been no further disturbances. She must have imagined the lights, she decided as she made her way unsteadily to her bedroom. Still, just this once Mingus could sleep in her room.

Chapter 30

Amanda drove into the AI ewe paddock. It was only a few days before they were due to start lambing and she couldn’t wait.

The ewes had long since stopped taking any notice of her when she entered the paddock, and they continued to graze as she looked out over all of them with pleasure. She was pleased with what she had achieved with her stud in the last three years. Of course it helped that she had bought quality stock to begin with, and for that she had Adrian to thank. He had insisted on coming with her when she inspected the stock at a dispersal sale, and thanks to his bargaining skills she’d ended up getting four stud ewes for free!

Amanda caught sight of a white spot deep in the bush and shoved the ute in to gear. Driving cautiously over she got out in time to watch as a new mum licked her newborn lamb all over. The ram lamb tried to stand, his legs wobbly. He fell as quickly as he’d stood, but three tries later and he was balancing unsteadily on his legs as he nosed in under the ewe’s belly, looking for her udder and his first drink. The ewe turned her head and sniffed at his rump, then bleated softly.

Not wanting to upset the newly bonded couple, but knowing she had to, she quietly grabbed a pen and piece of paper from the glove box then walked around to the ute’s tray and took out a bucket and a set of scales. She pushed a tag engraved with the number 0001 into her pocket along with the tagging gun.

The ewe watched her suspiciously, knowing what was about to happen from experience of the past years, and tried to nudge her lamb further into the bush, out of Amanda’s reach. But the lamb wasn’t yet sure enough on its wonky legs.

With one swift movement, Amanda snatched up the lamb and there was a bleat of alarm, while the lamb struggled weakly. She talked to it soothingly. The ewe baaed and stamped its front foot at Amanda and followed her back to the ute, baaing the whole way to reassure her lamb that she was still nearby.

Amanda gently slipped the lamb into the bucket and clipped the handle onto a hook attached to the scales. The ram wiggled as she read the weight and wrote it down quickly, while his mother continued to sniff and reassure her baby that she was there. Amanda scratched the ewe’s head and said, ‘Not long now, girl, and you can have him back,’ as Mingus whined softly in the back of the ute.‘Shh,’ she told him.

Unhooking the lamb, she swiftly punched a hole in its ear, slipped the tag through and released him to his mother.

The lamb stood unsteadily again, looking around and shaking his head as the tag pulled his ear downwards with its unfamiliar weight. His mum nudged him away from Amanda. He walked unsteadily for a couple of steps then, once again, looked for the comfort of the udder.

‘Nothing like mother’s milk is there little one?’ Amanda smiled and watched them for a bit longer as the ewe eyed her warily but let her baby drink.

Amanda turned back to the ute and got out her stud book. She filled in the date of birth, weight, the ewe’s tag number as well as the lamb’s, and all the information that the White Suffolk breed society would need in order to register this little bloke as a White Suffolk ram.

Two weeks later Amanda had two hundred AI lambs listed in her stud book. They had come thick and fast once they had started lambing and all of her time had been spent in that one paddock. If she wasn’t weighing and tagging lambs, or making sure the right lambs were with their mums, she was out at night patrolling the boundary of the paddock for foxes. She was tired but knew it would be worth it in the end.

Tonight, though, it was time to enter all the information into the computer and send it off to the White Suffolk society so they could all be registered. A glass of wine rested by the keyboard and Mingus was at her feet. As she plugged in the information, she listened intently for the sound of rocks on her roof. She’d been hearing them over the past month and couldn’t work out where they were coming from. Soon she became so involved in her task, she didn’t hear anything until Mingus suddenly cocked his head and barked.

Brought back to reality, she heard a car engine in the drive. Pushing back her chair, she checked the time and went into the lounge to see who it was. It was after nine o’clock and she wasn’t expecting visitors.

There were lights swinging across her shed but in the darkness she couldn’t see what sort of vehicle it was. She waited for it to come to the house, but it didn’t. It stopped at the shed with the lights trained firmly on her house. Then, without warning, it reversed and sped a little way down the drive.

Running to the gun cabinet, she took out a shotgun and ran down to the shed. Flicking on all the lights, she looked around, trying to see if anything had been taken, but it didn’t look like anything had been disturbed. Her heart pounding now, she turned and went back to the house and shut and locked the kitchen door. As she did, more lights swung across her line of sight.

The car was still in the drive. She squinted against the glare and held up her hand to shade her eyes, trying to see what sort of car it was, but the lights were too bright. Then the car revved its engine and spun its wheels as it reversed down the driveway.

The noise of the motor started to fade and, as it turned on to the main road, Amanda heard the squeal of tyres and the engine drop back a gear as it gathered speed and headed towards Esperance.

Shaking, Amanda ran to the house and picked up the phone to dial the police. Then she stopped. What would they be able to do? And what if it was just some young bloke playing silly buggers? Yes, that’s probably what it was – a young bloke who had had too much to drink, being stupid.

Amanda put down the phone and walked out onto the verandah to listen again. She couldn’t hear anything except the haunting bark of a fox coming from down towards the river. She shivered.

Chapter 31

‘Mandy-Mands! Jonno here. In town for a day or two. Wanna catch up?’

A grin spread across her face as she listened to the message. Jonno was in town! She quickly dialled his mobile number.

‘You idiot! Of course I want to catch up,’ she said. ‘Where are you and what are you doing down here?’

‘Mands! How are you, chicky? I’ve come down to do some interviews about the season.Thought I’d look you up.’

Amanda closed her eyes, relishing the sound of Jonno’s familiar, rough tones.

‘Do you want to come out here or shall I head into town?’

‘It’d be great if you could come to town. I’ve got a couple of things to do this morning but we could have lunch. Then I’ve gotta head out and do one of the interviews.’

‘No worries. How about we meet up at the pub around twelve?’

‘Sounds good.’

Amanda hung up the phone just as the roof of her house exploded with noise. Cringing, she raced outside to see what was causing it.

Adrian had laughed off her fears when she’d told him the lights incident the other night, and when she had mentioned that someone had been throwing rocks at the roof he had told her it was probably the tin expanding. She hadn’t mentioned the cup and hot kettle – that had been too strange for words. Deep down she knew he must be right, but she still couldn’t shake the anxiety she felt every time she heard a strange noise.

Staring at the roof now, she couldn’t see anything. She wondered if a bird flying over could’ve dropped something, but instantly dismissed the idea.

Sighing, she turned around and tripped over Mingus. ‘Sorry, mate.’ She bent to fondle his ears. ‘What do you think? Am I losing my marbles?’ Mingus licked her hand and stared up with adoring eyes.

She straightened up and headed towards the laundry. She had a load of washing to hang out before a small mob of ewes that needed drenching were waiting for her attention. She was glad that Malcolm Mackay had convinced her to spread her lambing over four or five months in order to help with the cash flow, but it created a little more work than if they all lambed at the same time.

The weather had gone from pleasantly warm to bitterly cold in the space of three weeks, and even though there had been enough rain to get the grass germinated, the follow-up rains were proving elusive. As a result, feed was still in short supply, which in turn had caused an outbreak of worms in the last few weeks.

She filled up the drench bag and hoisted it onto her back, checked the dosage and then sent Mingus into the yards while she held the gate open into the race.

‘Pack ’em in,’ she instructed and watched as Mingus worked them from behind and pushed them over to the gateway. The sheep baulked at the entrance and, without being told, Mingus jumped onto their backs, made his way to the front of them then jumped down and forced the sheep into the race by crawling back under their bellies. Amanda smiled as she chained the gate and bent down to pat the dog. ‘That’s why I love you!’

She walked to the front of the race and grabbed the first sheep under its chin, inserted the thin metal gun into its mouth and squeezed the trigger. White liquid shot into the sheep’s mouth and the ewe bobbed her head up and down as she swallowed. Amanda repeated the process with all the sheep in the race, then opened the gate at the front of the race and let them run into the big yard. They were ready to go back out into the paddock when Amanda had finished the rest of the mob.

Another race full and then another and, before she knew it, Mingus had herded the last of the sheep into the race.

Opening the gate out into the laneway, she ran the sheep past her slowly to get a count. Wouldn’t hurt to get a fix on the number of sheep around, she’d decided.

Even though the day was cool, it was sunny and calm and the pale blue sky had wisps of white cloud streaking across it, so Amanda decided to use the motorbike to take the sheep back to their paddock. Puttering slowly behind them, with Mingus running from side to side, she looked around. The grass, though short, was green, and Amanda knew that as soon as the cold fronts started sweeping through she could hope to receive regular rainfall – up to an inch and a half per week if she was lucky. Then the weather would warm up a bit, the grass would start to grow beautiful and lush, and the spring would be a good one.

The sheep trickled through the gate and quickly spread out in a fan, their heads down, eating. As she shut the gate and looped the chain around the strainer post, she noticed a ewe with an udder larger than the others. It looked like she was beginning to spring up and, quickly calculating the time elapsed between now and the mating date, Amanda realised they were only about two weeks off lambing. She would have to keep a closer eye on them from now on.

Showered and changed, Amanda entered the local pub at twelve on the dot and looked around. There was no sign of Jonno. Knowing that he was often late, she got a drink and then a table, nodding and smiling hello to a few locals she knew. She was looking at the menu when a pair of warm hands covered her eyes. Amanda gasped and ripped the hands away, her heart pounding.

‘What’s wrong, Mands, did I scare the crap outta you?’ Jonno grinned as he smacked her cheek with a kiss and slid into the chair opposite at her.

She frowned at him and said angrily, ‘Don’t do that. Yeah, you did.’

‘Sorry, mate, didn’t think you were so sensitive. Hey, you looked buggered. What’s the problem?’

Summoning up a smile, she flicked back her fringe and said, ‘Nothing. Hey, it’s great to see you! How’s things? What farmers are you interviewing?’

Jonno laughed. ‘First things first. Have you ordered and why are you drinking lemonade when you could be having a beer?’

‘Well you can’t have anything to drink – you’re working! And no, I haven’t ordered.’

‘Hmm, good point. Well, I guess I’ll have a lemon squash then. So tell me, how are you really, and why do you look so tired? Looks like you’ve started to grow your hair again, thank goodness, but you’ve lost more weight, I reckon – there’s nothing of you! How can you wrestle a fully grown White Suffolk ram to the ground if you don’t have any muscle?’ He paused and looked at her with a mixture of affection and concern.‘Ah shit, what’s wrong, honey?’ Jonno reached across the table and grabbed her hand as tears filled Amanda’s eyes.

Hurriedly she wiped them away and looked around to see if anyone had noticed,‘Sorry,’ she whispered.

Jonno dragged his chair around next to hers and put his arm around her shoulders. ‘What’s up?’ he asked softly, looking into her face.

‘I’m fine, really,’ she said, ‘just a little tired.’

‘Well I can see that! Those rings under your eyes are as dark as night. Tell me what the problem is, hmm? That Adrian putting the hard word on you? Or you’ve got another man and you can’t decide?’

Amanda smiled and thumped his arm. ‘I’m just not sleeping very well, that’s all.We should order, otherwise you’ll need to go and you won’t have eaten.’

‘I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong. That’s what mates are for. C’mon, spill it.’

‘Well I don’t know what’s wrong,’ Amanda exploded. ‘That’s the bloody problem! I can’t sleep because there are strange noises and weird things happening. And yet they’re not weird and can all be explained.’ She paused as she saw Jonno’s worried look. ‘I know I sound like a complete, raving lunatic, but the noises sound like someone throwing rocks on my roof, so it would just be the tin expanding, right? And the lights that went across my roof the other night, well it was probably someone turning around on the road. The car that drove into the shed? Well, I put that down to some young bloke mucking around. But I’m scared shitless in my own home!

‘As for that tap on the water tank, I’m buggered if I can work out how I could’ve stuffed that up and left my girls without water.’

‘Oh yeah, Hannah mentioned something about that. But it was an accident, Mands, that’s all. But the noises you’re hearing, is that why you’re not sleeping? Because you’re scared?’

Amanda nodded miserably.

‘Ah. Now where’s Hannah when you need her?’ Amanda could tell he was trying to fob her off with a joke because he was uncomfortable with the conversation. She understood – it all sounded nuts to her own ears when she said it aloud.

She laughed weakly. ‘I watched a scary movie about three months ago and now I just jump at any noise. I imagine things, like gunshots or cars driving past the house in the middle of the night, and when I get up to have a look there’s nothing there.’

‘What do you want to eat?’

Amanda blinked at the change in conversation and shrugged. ‘Whatever you’re having. I’m not really hungry.’

Jonno got up to order and when he came back he started to talk. ‘Okay, let’s go through the noises – the first time you thought you heard a car outside your house in the middle of the night, did Mingus bark?’ Amanda shook her head.‘Could it have been the wind?’

Amanda thought about that and nodded. ‘Perhaps.’

‘Okay the stones on your roof we’ve established are probably the tin expanding. Lights going across your ceiling – you said that was probably someone turning around on the main road, right?’

‘Yep.’

‘Then we’ve got the car that you’ve actually seen. What did it do?’

As she explained, Jonno nodded. ‘Mandy, do you remember that time we were coming back from the party at Jo’s and we got lost? We had to pull into someone’s driveway and turn around because we’d taken the wrong turn? It was probably just something like that. It’s all small stuff – why are you so freaked out?’

She looked him squarely in the face and said, ‘I don’t know. And you know what’s scaring me most? It’s coming up to the anniversary of Dad’s death.’

Amanda was grateful for the comfort of Jonno’s warm hand in hers, even if he was looking at her strangely. Why not? It was a weird story.

And she still hadn’t told anyone about the letters she’d been receiving.

Amanda was exhausted when she made her way home from the pub. The joy of seeing Jonno was overshadowed by the way she was feeling. She pushed open the kitchen door, Mingus at her heels, and walked in. Opening the fridge door she pulled out a half empty bottle of wine and poured herself a glass.

After a few sips, she walked out to get her clothes off the line – and stopped dead. They weren’t there! But she was sure she hadn’t taken them off before she left for the pub.They wouldn’t have been dry!

Chapter 32
1940

Grace was cooking on the wood stove that Michael had fitted into the kitchen at the end of the shed they had built after Diane was born. Her cheeks were red from the heat that the iron doors threw out, and trying to keep little Di away was a never-ending task.

She banged the iron pot into the oven and slammed the door shut. She could hear Diane calling and, with a sigh, went to collect her from the enclosed playpen. She heaved the small girl onto her hip and went outside to tend to the vegetable garden. Even though she knew she was pregnant again, she had yet to tell Michael, but she suspected that he had guessed. This morning he’d been more solicitous than usual, helping with Diane and lifting the heavy pots and pans from the stove to the sink.

He was just as tired as she was, clearing more land and focusing on this year’s crop of both oats and wheat as well as, for the first time, a bigger wool clip. She had helped with the finances by selling the excess garden produce – cauliflowers, potatoes and cabbages – to passing travellers.

She lifted Diane over the wire fence into the garden and climbed over herself. Diane raced to her favourite place under the shade of a large plum tree and climbed into the swing that Michael had hung there to help keep her occupied while Grace worked.

‘Oooh, look, Mummy.’ Diane pointed with a fat finger to an earwig that was climbing the trunk of the plum tree.

‘Don’t touch that, Di. Bitey,’ Grace said.

‘Bi-tee.’ Diane tried to imitate the word she had heard then clapped her hands and laughed. Grace, despite her weariness, couldn’t help but laugh too.

‘Clever girl! You copied Mummy.’ She turned back to the broccoli and pulled back the leaves. There were grubs in them and she needed to find them all so they didn’t wreck the buds that were forming.

An hour later, Diane showed signs of fatigue and Grace’s back was hurting, so she lifted the little girl back over the fence and held her hand as they walked back to the three-room shed. She could hear Michael banging around in the workshop and she thought it strange that he hadn’t come out to let them know he was back from the paddock. He was probably just mending something, she reasoned as she went into the small bedroom that was Diane’s.

Diane’s bed was pushed up against one wall and covered in netting so nothing could get into it. Twice this year already Grace had killed a snake in the bedroom, and she had taken to sitting in the room while her toddler slept, frightened that if a snake got in without her seeing it might find its way into the cot. Only a year ago the Porters had lost a child to a snake bite and Michael’s dog, Bowy, had succumbed to the same fate not long after they had moved into the shed.

As she laid Diane down, the little girl clung to her shoulder. ‘No, Mummy. No go!’

‘Shh, my precious. It’s time to sleep. Shall I sing you a song?’

‘Nong! Nong!’ Diane let go and lay down while her mother started to sing in a sweet, clear voice and stroke her hair. Not five minutes later, Diane was asleep.

Grace looked down at this little miracle, the dark wisps of hair falling over her forehead and her dark eyelashes caressing her cheeks as she slept. At two, she was an active child who loved her mummy and daddy. She would come with them during the day and help pick stumps or ride in the tractor next to Michael.

Her tottering gate made Michael laugh and she would squeal with delight as he walked through the door at night and try to run to him with her arms up.

How lucky she was, Grace thought. Lucky that Edward had been close by when Charles attacked her, lucky that her parents and Michael’s had sent her to Australia. And how lucky she was to have such a kind and generous husband. Rocking in the chair, watching Diane sleep, Grace felt her own eyes close.

In the workshop, Michael was sharpening his axe. The grinding noise of the steel on stone helped distract him from the news that he’d heard on the grapevine.

It seemed Mr O’Connor had resigned from the bank and was leaving Esperance. Michael was particularly sad about this news, as he had come to regard Frank as a friend and confidant. Michael knew that he would miss him. On top of this, he also worried about Grace. She didn’t look well – the spark had gone out of her eyes and she seemed to be tired all the time. He hoped that she was with child again, and that there was no other reason for her pale, exhausted face. He couldn’t imagine life without her now.

He brought the stone to a standstill and checked the edge of the axe blade. Judging it sharp enough, he leaned it up against the door and went into their living quarters for a cup of tea.

The quietness in the kitchen unnerved him, until he looked through the open doorway and saw Diane asleep in her cot and Grace dozing beside her. He went in and looked at the two people he loved most in the world, then touched Grace’s shoulder. She started as she woke, then smiled at him. He motioned for her to follow him and they went into the kitchen, where he wrapped her in his arms and asked, ‘Are you pregnant, my love?’

She nodded, then buried her face in his chest.

‘That’s wonderful,’ Michael said. He put his fingers under her chin and lifted her face.

‘Yes, it is,’ Grace said, ‘but I feel so ill. So tired.’

‘Well, I’ll take you to Esperance tomorrow to see the doctor. I have business to attend to, and it’s important for you to make sure things are right.’

Grace bustled over to the stove and lifted the heavy iron kettle onto the stove top then brought out tin pannikins from the makeshift cupboard and put them on the bench. She reached for the teapot and filled it with tea and put the condensed milk in front of Michael before turning back to him.

‘I would like that. I’m positive that all is well, but I didn’t feel this poorly with Diane.’

Michael sat at the table and stirred the condensed milk into his tea and took a sip.

‘I have heard some news that bothers me,’ he said after a while. ‘It seems that Frank might be leaving town.’

Grace looked shocked. ‘Surely not?’

‘I’ve heard that he is to resign and move to another posting.’

The silence between them said it all. They knew how lucky they were to have a bank manager who had helped them without judgment. Another man might have started whispers among the townsfolk that Michael Greenfield and his wife were not all they seemed.

Chapter 33

‘How about I come and stay with you for a couple of nights?’ Adrian suggested. ‘I can sleep on the couch or in the spare room. Maybe if I’m here you’ll get a good night’s sleep.’

Amanda lay on the couch. The laundry basket taunted her from where it sat in the corner of the lounge room so she closed her eyes to block it out, along with Adrian’s agitation.

‘I’ll be fine, Ade, I’m just -’

‘Well, obviously you’re not fine,’ Adrian interrupted. ‘I’ve had a phone call from Jonno asking what the hell is going on with you and why I’m letting you get into the state you’re in. But you’ve hardly mentioned it to me. How can I fix something that I don’t know about?’ Adrian paced the floor angrily.

Amanda sat up.‘I have been telling you – you haven’t been listening.’

‘What?’ Adrian turned to face her. ‘What are you talking about?’ he blustered.

‘I’ve told you about the noises and I told you about the lights. You told me not to be stupid. And you know what? I know that what I’m hearing is all just normal everyday stuff. I know I should be able to just head off to bed and sleep right through the night without any interruptions. I don’t know why I can’t and why I’m feeling the way I do. So back off on the why didn’t you tell me crap ’cos I don’t need it!’

Amanda lay back again and there was silence for a while, then she felt the couch sink as Adrian sat down next to her.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t like the idea of you rattling around in this house – on this farm – by yourself. It bothers me to think of you roaming the house at night and driving around the farm dog-tired. You might have an accident or . . . or . . . I don’t know. He was silent for a moment.

‘Look I’m sorry if you think I haven’t been taking enough notice of what you’re saying. I’ll head home now and grab a bag of overnight things, come back and cook you dinner. Then I’ll sleep in the spare room for a few nights. How does that sound?’

‘That sounds nice. Thank you,’ she said, after a pause.

Adrian leaned over and kissed her cheek then pulled her into a hug. ‘Will you be okay while I’m gone?’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Won’t be long,’ he said and disappeared out the door.

Amanda lay there a bit longer with a sense of relief sweeping over her. She hadn’t wanted to ask Adrian to stay; that would be admitting how frightened and helpless she felt. But when he had offered, she had almost cried with gratitude.

She got up and looked at the clock – nearly five. Time for a drink. She pulled a bottle of wine from the fridge, opened it with expert ease and poured herself a glass.

Back in the lounge she opened the photo album that never seemed to be far from her side and turned over to the page where her father was looking at her adoringly.

Without warning she was racked with huge sobs that felt as if they were being ripped from her body. As the tears subsided she pulled the photo out of the plastic pocket and held it to her chest. ‘Mum, Dad,’ she whispered, ‘I miss you so much.’

Amanda took another slug of wine and turned the photo over, trying to feel more of her parents’ presence, but there was nothing. The photo that she held in her hand was only a piece of paper.

Through her tears, she could make out her mother’s faded handwriting. She wiped them away to read what was written there and then flicked it back over and looked at the image. Flick over, back again. Flick over, back again. Then she threw the photo to the ground and burst into another round of loud, noisy sobs.

The date that was written on the back of the photo was not her birthday.

‘Look, Mandy, please – I really think you should see a doctor.’ Adrian stood at the kitchen bench two days later.

The first night he’d said he hadn’t heard anything, but on the second he had heard the tin creaking and expanding. He’d heard an old fuel drum bang down at the shed and the moaning of the wind that seemed to come through a gap in the door – both things he could fix. But that was all he heard.

‘You know, you’ve been through so much in the past few years, maybe something just isn’t right in your brain. Oh hell! That came out wrong!’ Adrian backtracked quickly when Amanda glared at him. ‘I just mean you might need some help,’ he finished lamely.

‘Well thank you very much,’ Amanda said testily, and then she sighed.‘I’ve been wondering that too, but I didn’t want to admit it.’ She was silent for a minute, playing with her coffee cup, then said, ‘I’ll try and get a doctor’s appointment today.’

‘So, Amanda . . .’ The kindly doctor slipped his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.‘What seems to be the problem? I haven’t seen you since your father died. You must be keeping very well.’

Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her chair. ‘I’m not sure, Kevin. There’s been a few odd things happening and I’m not sure how to explain it. I just seem to be making too much out of everything. I know it sounds stupid, but a couple of my friends are concerned about me and I know there’s something not quite right. I think I haven’t done something and it turns out I have, or vice versa. I’m having trouble sleeping – and if I do sleep, I have nightmares. I’ve started sleeping with a light on and my dog in the bedroom. I get the sweats if something goes wrong and I start to shake. It doesn’t have to be a big problem – maybe a sheep jumps a fence when it shouldn’t; I just seem to go into meltdown. It’s got a lot worse over the past two months.’ She could feel her heart beating and wondered if Kevin could hear it – it was so loud, surely he could. Then she thought about what she had just said and suddenly felt self-conscious. ‘Ah, look Kevin, I know all this sounds really stupid. I’m sorry I’ve wasted your time. I’d better get going.’ Amanda rose from her chair but Kevin held out his hand and waved for her to sit down.

‘No, Amanda,’ he said gently. ‘It doesn’t sound stupid at all. And no, you’re not going crazy.’ He smiled and Amanda suddenly felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. ‘Tell me, do you think much about your parents’ deaths?’

‘Yeah, I guess I do. Not Mum’s so much . . . I mean, I think of the crash, but nothing else. Dad’s is a bit different. I often go down to the river and sit. I’m not sure why – to try and connect with him, or maybe even find a little piece of him, like his watch or pocket knife – something to say he really was there that night and it wasn’t just my imagination. I wonder if – well maybe if I hadn’t been so out of it I could’ve changed something.’ There was a silence and then she said, ‘I wonder if Dad might have jumped, you see. I realise now he wasn’t in a great state of mind before the flood.’

Kevin nodded. ‘And the farm? Is that doing well?’

Amanda’s mouth turned downwards, wondering what that had to do with anything. ‘Yeah, it’s going okay now. I had a hell of a time getting it up and going for the first two years or so, but the studs and higher lambing percentages have made a lot of difference to the cash flow.’ She shrugged.‘Why?’

‘Bear with me. What about friends? Do you go out much?’

‘Um, well not really. I go to Adrian’s dinner parties, occasionally out to tea. I’ve sort of befriended a girl in the merch store who comes fox shooting with me, but none of my good mates are in Esperance. They’re all in Sydney or Perth.’

‘So not really anyone your own age?’

‘Not really.’

‘Well I’d like you to think about all the things that have happened to you in the past – what is it, five years since your mum died? You’ve lost both parents and, if local gossip is to be believed, your farm was almost in the hands of the bank. So you’ve had to pull it back from the brink of financial ruin, you’ve had the stress of running the farm and trying to make a go of it all by yourself. Who have you had to talk to about your feelings? Your doubts, your ideas, your achievements?

‘Have you grieved for your parents? I would almost bet you haven’t. You’ve been too busy trying to make the farm profitable again.

‘You see, Amanda, doctors hear and see things in small country towns like this one. We know most of what is going on and I’ve been watching you from afar. You’re not going crazy or imagining things. There’s a name for what you’re experiencing and it can be treated.You have the classic symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder.’

Back in her kitchen, Amanda looked at the packet of antidepressants the doctor had given her, willing herself to push one of the white tablets out into her hand and into her mouth. Something stopped her.

She wondered what her parents would think – and what about her grandfather? Michael must have been through so much as an early settler, but no signs of weakness came through in his diaries.

The phone rang and, deliberately ignoring the packet of pills, she answered it with a bright and cheery, ‘Hello?’

‘Well, I must say you sound better than I expected,’ replied Hannah. ‘What’s going on? You’ve got my brother in a hell of a tizz!’

‘Hi, Hannah. Oh, don’t worry about Jonno, he’s got the wrong end of the stick,’ Amanda lied. ‘He’s just made a mountain out of a molehill. I’m fine! He caught me on a bad day.’

‘Uh-huh,’ said Hannah, sounding doubtful. ‘That’s why he rang me in a panic saying you were going off the deep end.’

‘Bloody hell, who else did he ring? He gave Adrian the third degree too! Honestly, Hannah, I’m fine.’

‘Okay then, no worries – sorry I cared!’ Hannah sounded flippant.‘So what’s happening in your world?’

They chatted for a few minutes and then Hannah said in a gentler tone,‘Mandy, I know you very well and your voice is giving you away. C’mon, spill the beans. What’s going on?’

The tears welled again, and Amanda found it hard to speak. When she did, it all came out in a rush. The noises, the lights and everything else – though she left out the baby photo. She couldn’t deal with that just yet. ‘And you know, Han, it’s almost like something is happening, someone is trying to make all of this happen and scare the crap out of me. But obviously that can’t be the case, because the doctor says I’ve got this stupid bloody thing called post-traumatic stress disorder. What he says makes sense – that I’ve been so busy I haven’t allowed myself time to grieve, haven’t let myself go near those feelings, which is true. But oh, man, you wouldn’t believe how much I don’t want it to be true. But hey -’ she laughed grimly – ‘what’s worse? Post-traumatic stress or being crazy?

‘And the farm having money troubles when I came home after Mum died, well that was all pretty stressful but I got it sorted out. I wouldn’t have thought that still bothered me.

‘Dad’s death upsets me more than anything because I know now, looking back, that he wasn’t coping. Whether he had some sort of depression I wouldn’t know, but it’s likely – and, Hannah, I was so horrible to him! I didn’t have any understanding of what he was going through, I was just so driven to make sure Kyleena didn’t get sold that I didn’t give a toss about his feelings. You wouldn’t believe how ashamed I am of the way I acted back then.

‘I reckon he was just beginning to come out of it when he was killed. We’d started to have a quiet sort of relationship that was gradually getting better. I don’t know, it’s a bit hard to explain.

‘Now this bloody doctor wants to put me on antidepressants and that just doesn’t wash with me. Why can’t I cope with my life without them? I’m not weak.’

Hannah interrupted her flow.‘Okay, stop right there. First of all, taking antidepressants doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to go and get help when you need it. Depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, all of those sorts of things are just illnesses. The stressful and emotional times that you’ve been through have triggered a chemical imbalance in your brain – didn’t the doctor explain this to you?

‘Sometimes, the body needs some help to balance things out and those little pills actually do that. I know first hand. One of your really good mates has been on them and I bet you can’t guess who?’

Amanda bit. ‘Who?’

‘Jonno.’

‘Jonno? Seriously? How come?’

‘He’s not on them now, but when we first started year twelve – you know how we were sent to boarding school for our final year? That was a hell of an upheaval for us. We had to try and fit in with groups that had already formed; make friends with people who already had friends and didn’t need to make more. A lot of these kids had been at boarding school together since year eight! And you know what it’s like when you’re seventeen: every funny look means someone’s laughing at you, every zit is twice as big as it actually is and no one needs a reason to give you a hard time.

‘Anyway, the other boys were a bit tough on him. Because Jonno was a bit quieter than them, didn’t play sport and liked reading, he didn’t fit in.

‘Being away from the farm didn’t help. I know he gives the impression that he’s really tough, but he’s very emotional. Things just got on top of him and he took tablets for about a year, then he was able to go off them. Slowly, of course – you can’t just drop them cold turkey – but look at him now. He’s fine. That’s why he was so concerned about you; he recognised the signs because he’s been there.

‘Now as for your dad, that’s a bit harder. You’re going to have to talk about this a bit more. One of the things about what you’re going through is that pills can make the physical symptoms go away, but talking is really important too. It’s how you resolve a lot of these dark, hidden feelings.’ She sighed. ‘Sorry, I’m sure I sound like a walking encyclopaedia, but it’s something I know a bit about.’

‘I had no idea,’ said Amanda, momentarily forgetting her own issues. ‘I mean, I love Jonno to pieces and nothing would affect my feelings for him, but . . . I just had no idea.’

‘Well, it’s been and gone, and if you deal with your problems the way Jonno did, you’ll be right in no time. Just don’t fight what’s going on: roll with it and get it sorted.’

‘I feel like I should be able to cope with all this myself,’ Amanda confided.‘Like I shouldn’t need outside help. It’s almost like I’ve failed if I can’t manage to get through difficult times without relying on pills!’

‘I know. You’ll feel like that until you take control of your life. And it’s those tablets that’ll help.’

They talked for a while longer and then Amanda said, ‘Well, I’d better go. I’m feeling a bit better – and I’ve got some pills to take.’

‘That’s my girl! You’re going to be fine.’

‘Thanks, Hannah.You’re brilliant!’

‘I know.’

‘Modest, too. I’m going to tell Adrian to stay home tonight. I think I’m going to be fine.’

‘Yeah, you will be. But listen, don’t rush things either. If you think you’ll be okay by yourself tonight then maybe wait until tomorrow to ask him not to stay. If you hurry it then you could put yourself back to where you started. Oh, and don’t drink while you’re on medication, okay?’

‘What are you? A frigging doctor?’

Hannah laughed. ‘Listen, you can ring me any time. If it’s three o’clock in the morning, that’s fine. Just ring and if you don’t feel like talking to me, there’s a hotline you can call: beyond blue. They’re really great people.’

‘All right, Han. Talk to you soon.’

‘Mandy?’ Her friend paused. ‘Take care, okay?’

Amanda hung up the phone and looked warily at the packet of pills in front of her. Then she pushed a tablet through the foil and swallowed it.

Chapter 34

‘Adrian, I’ll be fine on my own, honestly – and Hannah will be here in a few days. Anyway, I’m sure you’re needed at Paringa.’

‘Well I’ve been back there every day, Mandy. And I’m happy staying here. I figure the more time we spend together you might come to like it and decide that you want me around all the time!’ He smiled at her.

Amanda smiled back vaguely. ‘You might be right. But at the moment I think I just need some time to myself to come to terms with what the doctor has said, read up on it a bit, try and work out how I’m going to cope.’

Amanda felt so tired, she just wanted Adrian to disappear so she could fall into bed and sleep. It was her fourth day on the tablets and she had begun to sleep slightly better, but she still needed more. Since Hannah’s phone call, she had spent a lot of the time sitting in front of the fire, staring into the coals and wondering how long it would take to beat this ‘thing’ that she had. Although the relief of finding out that there was actually something wrong with her had been immense, she also seemed to have lost a lot of her energy and drive. She wished she could just say ‘be gone with you’ and her anxiety would disappear, but that wasn’t likely. At least she had something to look forward to: the day after their phone call Hannah had emailed to say she was coming over for a holiday.

Adrian stared at her thoughtfully. ‘Do you mean that?’ he asked.

Amanda blinked and tried to remember what she had just said. ‘Um, about what?’ she asked cautiously.

‘That when you get on top of this depression thing, you might want me around all the time?’

He held out his arms and, feeling a sudden need for a warm pair of arms around her, she moved into them.They stayed like that for a long time, until Adrian reached down and put his fingers under her chin and tipped her face up to his.

‘I love you, Mandy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’

Amanda looked into his familiar face; his dark brown eyes and floppy fringe, the small scar above his eyebrow. Everything about him was solid and dependable. Surely she’d be mad to let him go?

But still something – she wished she knew what it was – held her back.

Standing on tiptoes, she brushed her lips against his and felt his arms tighten around her. ‘I just need a bit more time, Ade,’ she said softly. ‘Just give me a few weeks to get back on track and then we’ll talk, I promise.’ She then gently disentangled herself.

Hannah threw herself on the couch and held out her hand for the cup of Milo Amanda had made.

‘It’s so good to be here,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe how great it is to get out of the city and be able to hear my own thoughts! Don’t get me wrong, I love Sydney and the hustle and bustle, but it’s a relief to have some peace and quiet.’

‘It sounds like Sydney would be fun to visit,’ said Mandy.

‘Mandy, you would love it. The movies and theatre – oh, and the amazing restaurants . . .’

As her friend went into raptures about a new Thai restaurant, Amanda rested her hand on the photo album, trying to decide if she should tell Hannah about the photo – and the letters she had hidden in her cupboard.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the album, slipped out the photo and held it out to Hannah.

Hannah stopped mid-sentence. ‘What’s this?’ she asked, reaching out to take it.‘Oh, what a beautiful photo of you and your dad! He looks so happy and excited. And look at your mum smiling in the background. That’s beautiful, Mandy.’

‘Turn it over,’ Amanda said in a strangled voice. Hannah gave her a strange look but flipped it over.

‘I don’t see . . . Oh hell, that’s not your birthday, is it?’

‘No. It’s two years earlier.’

‘So who’s this?’

Amanda shrugged helplessly. ‘I have no idea. Obviously a brother or sister.’

‘Have you asked anyone? Your Aunty Diane or someone? Or looked through your mum and dad’s things to see if you could find a birth certificate?’ Hannah glanced down at the date again and turned the photo over to study it more closely.

‘No,’ Amanda said softly. ‘I couldn’t. I’m not sure that I really want to know.’

Hannah looked at her friend sympathetically. ‘No, maybe it’s not something you need to deal with now, but you might want to later. And it doesn’t mean that they were hiding something from you just because they didn’t tell you about this child. Whatever happened to him or her may have been too painful for them to talk about.’

Amanda swallowed. ‘I’ve got something else to show you,’ she said. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ She went to her bedroom and turned on the light. It threw a soft glow over her childhood room, where her old teddy still sat up against the pillows of her bed. Adrian couldn’t understand why she hadn’t moved into her parents’ room, but she just couldn’t. Every time she set foot in it, she felt like she was intruding. She’d not opened a drawer or poked into a spot that wasn’t hers.

She grabbed the chair from near the window and opened her cupboard door. Standing on the chair, she reached up to the top shelf and drew out a cardboard box. She could share this. She didn’t need to keep it to herself.

Back in front of the fire, Amanda began her story.

‘After Dad died, I focused on the farm and nothing else. I didn’t want to think or feel, I just wanted to do what came naturally, something I could lose myself in. The first anniversary of his death came around so fast I didn’t even realise it had until I was writing out a cheque and I had to write the date on it – and then it clicked. It was twelve months to the day since Dad had disappeared. Anyway, I went down to the mail box to put the cheque there for posting, and it had the red rag hanging out of it. I thought it was a bit strange, because it wasn’t the mail day, but there was a letter.’ Amanda stopped, breathed deeply, and took an envelope out of the box. ‘It must have been hand delivered.’

Hannah held her hand out for the letter, but Amanda wasn’t finished. ‘I was in shock as I read it. I was sure it must be some kind of sick joke.’

‘The next year, as it came up to the anniversary, I was a bit nervous, but a week went past and there wasn’t anything, so I assumed I’d been right the year before, and that it was just some horrible joke. But then another letter arrived.’ She took the second letter out of the box and held it up. ‘The next year and last year were the same.’ She held the four letters out and Hannah took them. Opening the first one, she began to read.

‘Holy shit,’ she gasped. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’

Chapter 35

Michael helped Grace into the Dodge then swung Diane up next to her.

‘The wet weather will have made the road boggy,’ Grace commented as Michael gently let the clutch out.

‘Yes, we’ll have to take it slowly. And what about you, little urchin?’ He smiled at his daughter. ‘What shall we sing while we’re travelling? How about “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”?’

As they sang, Grace shut her eyes and tried to nap. At five months, this baby was very active and she hadn’t been sleeping well.

Michael negotiated his way around deep, boggy potholes in what was little more than a two-wheel track – the shire was still working on the road – stopping occasionally to heave away fallen branches that blocked their path. It was many hours later that they arrived in Esperance, tired and slightly muddy. But when Michael pulled up at the boarding house he was surprised to see it closed.

‘Well, that’s rather inconvenient,’ Michael sighed. ‘I guess we’ll try the holiday flats. Grace?’

‘Yes, just somewhere to have a rest, please.’ She shifted uncomfortably on the seat.

When they were booked into a unit Michael, observing his wife’s pale face, suggested, ‘Why don’t I take Diane for a walk while you have a rest?’

‘Would you?’ she asked gratefully. ‘If I could just have an hour’s rest I’m sure I’ll perk up.’

Michael took Diane’s hand and they walked slowly along the path until they came to the beach. Diane stared in wonder at the waves then turned and clung to Michael’s legs.

‘Woud,’ she said.

‘Yes, it is loud. Look at those black clouds rolling in over the islands.We’ll get wet soon.’

Diane bent down and touched the sand, then picked some up and let it trickle through her fingers.

‘Look, we can build a sand castle. Pat, pat.’ Michael heaped the sand into a tall pile and patted it down. Diane watched, fascinated, then started to pat too.

‘Pat,’ she said. ‘Pat, pat!’

As it began to sprinkle with rain, Michael took her hand and ran towards the verandah of a nearby store. As they arrived, the door swung open and a tall man strode out, his face lined with worry. It took Michael a moment to recognise him, but when he did, he called out a greeting: ‘Thomas Cramm! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How are you?’

The man stopped and pushed his hat back to see who it was, then gave a tight smile.

‘Michael, yes, it has been a while.’ He moved to shake Michael’s outstretched hand.

‘Have you been keeping yourself busy?’ Michael asked.

‘Yes, I’ve been working on the pink lake – the boys and I have been digging the salt for the Synnot brothers. How about Kyleena? Is it producing well?’

‘Yes it is, thanks. Grace and I keep very busy out there.We’ve put our crop in and we’ve got nearly two hundred sheep running on cleared pastures now. I noticed that the boarding house is shut. Is every thing all right?’

Thomas’s jaw worked back and forth and he seemed to be struggling to answer.

‘I’m sorry, Thomas, it’s none of my business.’ Michael held up his hand in apology.

‘No, it’s fine, it’s just . . .’ Thomas sighed. ‘It’s Kathleen. You might have heard that she went to Kalgoorlie not long after you two parted ways. Well she’s been in poor health recently and we haven’t heard news of her for some time, nearly two months. Mother has caught the train to Kalgoorlie to look for her – we’re afraid she’s gone missing.’

‘That’s appalling news, Thomas! Can I help in any way?’

‘No, there’s nothing anyone can do. Though you could stay out of Mother’s way when she returns. You aren’t in her good books since you married. Also, we haven’t told anyone that Kathleen is missing, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep it to yourself. Anyway, Thomas changed the subject, ‘have you come into town for supplies?’

‘We’re here for Frank O’Connor’s farewell party.’

‘Ah, there’s a man who’ll be sorely missed. Well, it’s been good to see you, Michael.’ And he walked away towards the boarding house, leaving Michael thinking of Kathleen for the first time in years. He hoped she’d be found safe and well.

Chapter 36

Hannah spread the letters out on the table. The message on each, typed in bold, was the same.

I won’t forget you.

‘I’m speechless. This is . . .’ Hannah stared at her friend.

The fire had burned low and Amanda went to the wood box and pulled out a large mallee root. Sparks flew up the chimney as she threw it on coals and the crackling sound echoed through the room.

‘I don’t suppose . . . Nah, stupid idea.’

‘What?’ asked Amanda.

Hannah screwed up her face. ‘I don’t suppose there is any chance your dad actually put these in the mail box himself?’

Amanda shook her head sadly. ‘That’s what I hoped when I got the first letter. After I’d calmed down, I thought what if it’s real? If he’d run away for a while, well, so what? I reckon everyone would understand the sort of pressure that he was under. And it meant I would have the chance to make it up to him. Be a daughter to him, instead of a bossy, single-minded bitch. I wanted the chance to say sorry for not being a better daughter. But then, it just didn’t make sense. I mean, the letters were hand delivered. Surely if he was around here someone would have seen him? And I can imagine him staying away for a year or two – but four? I know we had our problems, but I don’t think he’d leave me on my own for four years. And why would he bother typing the letters? So no, I don’t think that it was him.’

‘Well,’ Hannah folded the letters and put them back into their envelopes. ‘I really don’t know what to say, Mandy. It’s no wonder you’ve been so nervous.

‘I’d suggest going to the police, but I’m not sure what they’d be able to do. I mean, all you’ve got is the letters – there’s no handwriting to match against your dad’s or anyone else’s – and I can’t think of anyone who would hate you so much they’d want to do this. It’s just too strange and devious for words.’ She picked up her empty cup, reached for Amanda’s and stood up.

Amanda gave a wry smile. ‘The best thing is being able to tell you about it and not have you think I’m crazy. I’ve kept it to myself for so long. I’ve looked at them over the past couple of years, wondering why, not wanting to tell anyone . . . but, Han, it’s like I can breathe again. I feel . . . This sounds stupid, but I feel free.’

‘Well, lady, that’s why I’m here. Now I’m still on Sydney time and I need to go to bed. You’ve given me more than enough to think about tonight. Here I was thinking it was so nice and peaceful on your quiet farm! Sydney has nothing on Kyleena!’

The next morning, over breakfast, Amanda said, ‘It’s only a couple of days till the anniversary of Dad’s death. I’d really like to head to the river now the rain seems to have cleared. I always like to go down and have a think and walk along the banks at this time of year.’

‘That sounds lovely. I haven’t got any boots though.’

‘There’s a spare pair in the laundry. Hey, you remember how I told you about that hut down in the fenced-off bush? How about we take a picnic lunch and I’ll show it to you?’

‘That sounds even better!’

‘I’ll just ring Adrian and tell him what we’re up to. He was planning on dropping by to see you.’

‘Why don’t you invite him for dinner tonight? Or we could go to Paringa.’

‘Either, or. I’ll see what fits in with him.’

The bush between the house and the river was thicker than Amanda remembered and it was hard going in places. But Hannah was obviously loving being back out in the country; she kept stopping to listen to the birdcalls in wonder and pointed out things that Amanda hadn’t noticed in her own walks, like the blue flowering creepers which wound their way over branches of mallee trees or the fungi at the base of the trees. It made Amanda feel like she was seeing the bush through new eyes.

‘So what’s the story with this hut?’ Hannah puffed as they climbed up the granite hill.

‘Well I don’t really know. I wish I did, because this would be some sort of heritage thing, I’m sure. I never heard Mum or Dad talk about it – only that this area was fenced off for remnant vegetation. The government offers grants for farmers to fence areas that are susceptible to damage – rivers, salt patches, those sorts of places – and then they try and revegetate some of them.This spot would be eligible for that sort of grant, I think. But it can’t be. The sort of fence that’s been used is really old. Built long before the grant would have been thought of. Amanda paused as they crested the hill. ‘Look, there’s Adrian’s house on Paringa.’ She pointed to the gable roof that you could just see above the tree tops. ‘C’mon, it’s down this way.’

They gave up talking as they slipped and slid down through the bush. As the bush opened out into a clearing they saw the crumbling building.

Amanda walked towards it and tried to open the door. It was stuck so she pushed harder until it creaked open a few inches and she could stick her head in. She glanced around hesitantly.

The room was about two metres by six metres and was covered in a thick layer of dust. Mallee roots lined one wall, and at the fireplace there stood an old cast-iron cooking oven. There was a round stump in one corner that looked like it could have been used as a stool and a poker leaned against the fireplace. Other than that, the house was empty.

She pushed the door again and managed to squeeze her way through the gap. She stood in silence, taking it in. The wheat bag which hung over the window looked like it would disintegrate if it was touched. Goosebumps prickled her skin as she stood in the gloom wondering who had lived here and what their life had been like.

‘Mandy, come and taste these mulberries, they’re beautiful!’ Hannah called, interrupting her thoughts. With one final glance around, she shivered. She had the strangest feeling that something horrible had happened here. She walked out into the pale sunshine, relieved to be outside.

Hannah was standing next to a leafy tree that was loaded with berries.

‘I don’t suppose there’s an old bucket or container lying around that we could pinch and take some back with us?’ Hannah asked.

‘Haven’t seen anything,’ Amanda replied, reaching out to pick a couple of ripe berries. ‘But I think we should leave everything the way it is. Not touch anything.’

‘Mm, you’re probably right. It’s just an amazing place. Check out that old swing hanging from the dead plum tree. Whoever lived here must have had kids.’

‘I can remember my mum telling me the funniest story about emus that had been eating fermented mulberries,’ Amanda said suddenly. ‘I don’t know where it was, but it must have been around late August or early September, when the fruit was beginning to ferment. She said there were about ten emus under one mulberry tree and they were all drunk! They couldn’t even stand!’

She and Hannah started to laugh hysterically at the image. As the anxious knot in her stomach began to unravel, Amanda was amazed at how good it felt to think of her parents and laugh.

‘So, Mandy,’ Hannah said as they munched on their sandwiches, listening to the river gurgle,‘are you feeling better now that the tablets have kicked in?’

‘I guess so,’ Amanda replied. ‘It’s nice to know that I’m not going crazy, anyway!’ She smiled.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ Hannah said slowly. ‘I’m really looking at things in a different light now that you’ve showed me those letters.You know, the water tank and taps, the lights and the noises . . . If you think about all the little things that have been happening, they actually start to add up to something big. Mandy, what if someone is trying to get at you? Trying to scare you for some reason? Can you think of anyone you’ve upset?’

Amanda felt a surge of panic shoot through her. She put down her sandwich, suddenly not hungry, and looked at Hannah. ‘Don’t do this to me, Han,’ she begged. ‘I’m really feeling better. The tablets are obviously working and I haven’t had a bad panic attack for a while. Don’t stir it all up again. Anyway, why would someone want to do that?’

‘I’m sorry, Mandy, but look at the facts. You’ve got some really weird things happening. Remember how the cheques disappeared out of your mail box and weren’t cashed? And what if you didn’t make a mistake with the taps? And going back even further, what about the snake in the house?’

‘You, Adrian and Jonno were the ones who convinced me that I was mistaken in the first place. Don’t start with this, Hannah, I mean it. I’m not sure I can deal with it.’ Amanda tried to keep her anger in check.

‘Okay, okay. I get it.’

They finished their lunch in silence,then Hannah said, ‘Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. But the letters . . .They just make me wonder . . .’

‘You don’t say.’ Amanda snapped.

They were both subdued as they gathered up the remains of their picnic and headed back to the house.

‘Hannah!’Amanda watched as Adrian kissed her friend’s cheek lightly and grasped her hand. ‘It’s lovely to see you. And you’re looking so well!’

Hannah smiled back. ‘It’s good to see you too. How are things here at Paringa?’

‘Oh fine, fine. It was a late start and we were a little concerned, but the rain is coming fairly regularly now, which is great. Adrian waved Hannah into a seat, offered her a glass of wine and handed Amanda a lemon squash. ‘So what did you two get up to today? I bet Amanda dragged you out to see her AI lambs. Could you see the good ones?’

‘Hey! They’re all good!’ Amanda said.

‘Actually we didn’t see the lambs today,’ Hannah said, grinning at Amanda’s outburst. We went down to the river and explored some amazing ruins – a little hut. It’s just stuck in the middle of the bush for no particular reason, surrounded by mulberry trees and what looks like a veggie patch. Very intriguing!’

Adrian looked puzzled. ‘I didn’t know there were any ruins in the bush down there. Whereabouts?’

Amanda explained, ‘It’s a little way back from the river but it’s near where Dad went missing.You know the granite hill? Well you climb over that and bash your way through the bush and as you get to the bottom there’s a little gutter that’s been lined with stones to catch rain water.You follow that and you end up at this hut. I found it ages ago and started to research it, but I didn’t get very far.Then I got busy and it slipped to the back of my mind. It’s interesting though – Dad always told me that area of bush was remnant vegetation, but it can’t be. It’s never been fenced off with modern fencing – it’s just wire netting and a few hand-cut posts. It’s a lovely area, but for some reason it sort of gives me the creeps.’

The conversation moved on, ranging over many different subjects, before they finally sat down for dinner in the formal dining room. Sitting at the large dining table that would seat twelve almost made Amanda laugh. It seemed so ridiculous to have the three of them perched around the huge table, when she would have been just as happy to eat in the warm kitchen. Still, as she looked around the opulently furnished room, she knew that she would be well cared for and cherished if she chose this life.

Hannah must have been having similar thoughts, because on the way home she asked Amanda about Adrian.

‘Do you think you’ll move to Paringa?’

Mandy was quiet for a time as she struggled to put her feelings into words. ‘I’m just not sure. But I have to make a choice soon. I’ve probably not been very fair to him, leaving him hanging the way I have. And he’s been such a wonderful support. It’s just . . . he doesn’t make me burn. He’s safe, reliable and dependable and I like that. But then there’s the age thing. Oh, I don’t know what to do! But I promised Adrian that once I started to feel a bit better I’d think about it, so I’ll have to decide soon.’

‘Now tell me,’ said Amanda, changing the subject, ‘we haven’t talked about Jonno. What’s he up to? I hardly ever hear from him.’

Hannah shot her a funny glance at the mention of Jonno, but started talking about his latest antics. Amanda listened intently, soaking up all of his news, all the while wondering what had made her bring Jonno up out of the blue.

Chapter 37

‘I can’t believe that you’re leaving tomorrow,’ Amanda sighed as she swept the cement pad in the shed.

Hannah was sitting on the workbench watching her. ‘I know, it’s gone so fast. I’ll be back to the corporate world before I know it – high-flying, stressful . . . and lovin’ every second of it!’ They were silent except for the scratching noise of the hard-bristled broom. The dust rose in puffs with each sweep.‘At least I know that you’re getting back to your old self – you really proved that last night!’ They both grinned at the memory of ‘The Summer of ’69’ blaring from the speakers and Amanda jumping onto the couch playing air guitar as Bryan Adams belted out their favourite tune.

Amanda giggled out loud recalling the look on Adrian’s face when he walked in; the music had been so loud that neither the girls nor Mingus had heard the car pull up or the kitchen door open.

‘That was so much fun! I’m so sad you’re going, Han.’ She stopped sweeping and looked at her friend. ‘But I’ll be busy when you’re gone. I need to finish putting the oats crop in as soon as you leave.’

‘Yep, time for you to pack up your air guitar and become a farmer again,’ Hannah quipped. Then she turned serious. ‘At least whoever was playing those stupid jokes on you seems to have got sick of it.’ The anniversary of Brian’s death had come and gone two weeks ago with no sign of another letter.

Amanda looked at her watch. ‘We’ve got time to have a quick run around the AI lambs before lunch. Race you to the ute!’ She dropped the broom on the cement and took off across the gravel to where the ute was parked near the sheep yards.

‘Oi!’ Hannah jumped down from the bench and stumbled after her. ‘Not fair,’ she puffed as she arrived several lengths behind.‘You had a head start! And have you actually realised that you’re twenty-seven years old and should be much more mature than that?’

Amanda grinned. ‘I think it’s the feeling of freedom.’ She stretched out her arms and spun around. ‘I’m feeling so good! C’mon, let’s check out these babies that seem to be growing like mushrooms.’

‘You are completely obsessed with these AI lambs. I’d be worried about you, if you didn’t have Adrian!’

They drove into the middle of the paddock and stopped. Amanda switched off the ignition and wound down the window, and slung her arm. The ewes continued to graze without acknowledging her presence, but the lambs regarded her nervously then went running to their mothers. After a few minutes they took a few steps towards the ute, eyeing it cautiously. One particularly curious lamb took the last few steps up to the ute and sniffed Amanda’s hand. The unfamiliar human scent made the lamb sniff three or four times before he turned and raced back to the mob, his mates following close behind.

Amanda smiled. ‘They’ve grown so quickly,’ she said to Hannah.‘Look at that one there.’

Amanda pointed to a ewe lamb that looked to be nearly the same size as the ewe. ‘See how she’s really long and almost bullet-shaped? She’ll be great to breed from – easy births and obviously a really good growth rate. I can’t wait to get the EBVs back from the stud society and -’

‘The what? You talk a different language sometimes!’

‘EBVs are estimated breeding values – they’re plus and minus figures on all the important things about sheep, like eye-muscle size, milk, growth rate. They help me work out which is the best ram to put over a particular ewe for the best resulting offspring. Obviously you can’t rely on EBVs completely; a good breeder still relies on his eye . . . Sorry, I’m boring you aren’t I?’

‘Not at all. You’re passionate about things and that’s why I love you.’

‘All right, I’ll take pity on you just the same – but I just have to check the electric fence.’ Amanda shot Hannah a cheeky look and said, ‘I dare you to touch it!’

‘Not on your bloody life!’ Hannah backed away.

‘Okay, I’ll touch it. You hold my hand.’

‘No way! Not sure what you’re up to, but I’m sure you’d get me zapped somehow!’

Amanda laughed and got back into the ute. ‘You’re right! If you hold my hand, the electricity flows straight through to the person at the end – you would’ve got shocked, not me! Well at least that’s what Dad used to tell me anyway! Never tried it actually.’

They pulled up at the house and walked into the laundry to wash their hands, then Amanda put the kettle on and went to the fridge to see what they could have for lunch.

To her surprise, there was an envelope stuck to the door with a fridge magnet.

Hannah came into the kitchen and pulled out a chair. ‘Cup o’ tea, thanks, love,’ she said in a Cockney accent as Amanda took the envelope from the fridge. ‘What’s that?’

‘I don’t know – it was stuck to the fridge door.’

Hannah jumped up, knocking over her chair in her haste.‘Don’t touch it,’ she yelled.

Amanda jumped and dropped the note. ‘What? What are you going on about?’

‘Fingerprints,’ Hannah said. ‘Got any tweezers?’

‘Oh no. Surely not,’ Amanda muttered as the colour drained from her face. But of course it would be – a note, just when she thought her torment was over.

Chapter 38

Kathleen curled up in bed, her arms over her head. She could hear the man buckling his belt and then the sound of him pulling on his boots.

The stale smell of whisky on his breath had made her want to gag while she was attending to his needs so she had breathed through her mouth. Now her mouth was dry and she needed a drink of water, but her anguish overrode her thirst. She lay still, waiting for the man to leave, hoping he wouldn’t touch her again.

‘Money’s on the side table. Try and be a bit more active, would ya? Just about had to do it all meself. If it’s no better next time I won’t be back – and I’ll tell yer others. Got it?’

She nodded through her arms and then cringed as she heard him bend down next to her. She let out a gasp as her head was yanked back and she was face to face with him. His whiskery face was only inches from hers as he spoke again.

‘Got it?’

She tried to nod, this time, but his hold on her head prevented her. Tears pricked her eyes from the pain and she concentrated on not vomiting from the smell on his breath. ‘Yes,’ she choked out. ‘I understand.’

He released her and walked from the room, letting the door slam shut behind him.

Kathleen bent over the bed and retched onto the floor, then started to cry at the knowledge of what she had been reduced to.

Perhaps she had made a mistake, fleeing the hostel after her baby was born. But she couldn’t bear to give her beautiful Rose up for adoption. But what kind of life was she capable of giving her little girl? Kathleen still wrote to her mother weekly, describing Rose’s antics, the way she smiled and laughed. But she hadn’t told her mother of the despair that had entered her life since Rose had been born. She hadn’t told her of the darkness which had kept her in bed for days, getting up only to feed and change the wailing infant, or of the hours she spent crying alongside her baby.

She certainly didn’t tell her mother that when she ran out of money and could no longer pay her rent, her landlady had organised for a continuous stream of men to visit Kathleen while Alice, the landlady, babysat Rose. The rent would be paid again this month, with a little left over for basic needs and an even smaller amount for her secret savings. She was saving for a train fare.

As she drifted off to sleep, worn and weary, Michael Greenfield rushed into her dreams. A small smile touched her mouth. It was only in her dreams that she smiled now.

Grace banged the kettle onto the fire, while Michael lifted the sleeping Diane from the truck and carried her to her cot.

Frank’s farewell party had been a lovely affair, but now they had to face the grim facts.

‘Michael, what are we going to do?’ Grace fretted when Michael returned. ‘Frank was always content to let our past stay where it belonged – far behind us. But who knows what his replacement will be like? If anyone in Esperance finds out what we left behind in England, we’ll be cast out of the community!’

‘Grace, Grace,’ her husband soothed. ‘I think you’d be surprised. I believe our new countrymen have accepted us for who we are, not what we were or how we came to be here. If our neighbours and friends reject us, we’ll deal with it when it happens.’

Chapter 39

Without a word, Amanda opened a cupboard door, took out a pair of rubber gloves and slipped them on.

With her heart thumping. She clumsily tore open the envelope and took out the single piece of paper. Tears brimming, she read the familiar words. I won’t forget you. She stared at the page. ‘Who’s doing this?’ she asked softly.

‘I don’t know,’ Hannah said, putting her arms around Amanda.‘But I do know you have to call the police. I mean, the creep who’s doing this came right into your house!’

Amanda closed her eyes and breathed deeply to control her tears. When she opened her eyes again she said, ‘Yeah, okay. I’ll ring them.’

With trembling fingers, she punched in the number of the local police station.

‘Esperance police station, Constable Williams speaking.’

Amanda stumbled over the words. ‘Um, hello, my name is Amanda Greenfield.’

‘Are you requiring police assistance?’ the constable asked impatiently.

Confused, Amanda stuttered, ‘Well, yes, um . . . no. Sort of. I’ve been getting these letters in the mail. They’re not really threatening, but they say the same thing every time – I won’t forget you. I found this latest note on my fridge!’

‘Okay, stalking by letters.’ The tone was disbelieving. ‘So how do you want us to help?’

‘Well, I don’t really know, but I’ve got the letters, I thought you might be able to fingerprint them or something.’

‘Where are you situated?’

‘Um, about forty kilometres out of Esperance.’

The constable sighed. ‘Look, we’re pretty busy here. Why don’t you bring the letters in next time you’re in town and we’ll see what we can do?’

Amanda was suddenly listening to a dial tone. She turned to Hannah, incredulous.‘He just hung up on me.’

‘What?’

‘He said I should bring the letters in next time I was in town and hung up.’ She put the phone down. ‘I suppose it does sound kind of nuts.’

‘Get your letters together and we’ll go to town then,’ Hannah urged.

Amanda slipped down to the floor and sat with her back against the kitchen counter, her head in her hands.‘No. I just can’t, Hannah. I feel too . . .’ She shook her head then climbed to her feet. ‘I don’t know. It’s a bit of a fantasy.You’re going tomorrow – let’s just enjoy our last day together.’

Hannah reached out to hug Amanda. ‘I’m going to miss you so much!’ she said, tears welling in her eyes. ‘I’ve had so much fun with you, and I’ve loved seeing what you’ve done to the farm. You’ve done heaps, achieved everything you set out to. Now it’s time for you to be happy.’

‘I’m going to miss you too.’ Amanda wrapped her arms tightly around Hannah ignoring the boarding call for her flight.‘Don’t forget the farming tips I taught you, if you’re going to touch an electric fence, make sure it’s you holding onto the fence and then on to someone else. You’ll have a big call for that in the Sydney office – especially if you’re about to get shafted by someone! Make sure someone else gets the zap!’

Hannah wiped her tears away and looked at Amanda intently. ‘Please go back to the police and try and think of anyone you could have upset. There’s got to be an answer.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it, Hannah.’

‘I know you don’t. You don’t have to. I’ll do the talking!’ Hannah smiled as Amanda rolled her eyes but kept talking. ‘You need to go back to the police and tell them about the letters. Then you need to go to Adrian and say you’d love to marry him. He’ll look after you, Mandy. You’ll be safe and secure with him – and even though he’s a bit of a ponce, I can tell he really loves you.’

‘I’ll think about it, I promise,’ said Amanda. ‘They’ll close the gate if you don’t go.’ She pointed to the flight attendant who was tapping her foot, and gave her friend a gentle shove towards the boarding gate. She stopped once to turn and wave before she disappeared into the darkness.

Amanda climbed into her car. Turning on the windscreen wipers to clear the condensation, she put the heater on hot and the fan on full. Then she rested her head on the steering wheel and let the tears course down her cheeks. Her best friend was gone. She was on her own again. Slowly she blew out a frosty breath and eased her foot off the clutch. It was time to go home.

As she drove carefully through the foggy night, praying a roo wouldn’t jump out in front of her, she thought about who she could have upset. Suddenly it hit her. Slay. He was still holding a grudge. But would he stoop to scaring the crap out of her?

As she turned into Kyleena’s driveway, she could see lights coming from the house.

Her heart began to race. She’d only left the outside light on. As she pulled up she saw a shadow moving behind the curtain in the lounge. Shit.

Slowly she got out of the car and walked up to the house, her breathing shallow. She’d just reached the door when it was flung open to reveal Adrian beaming at her.

‘I thought you’d be sad after seeing Hannah off,’ he said, seemingly oblivious to how frightened she was. ‘I’ve organised a nightcap.’ He ushered her inside and into the lounge.

It was filled with flowers and candles. On the table was a bottle of champagne and a bowl of strawberries.

Amanda forced a smile, hiding her shaking hands.

A week later, after seeding the oats crop and tending to her stock, Amanda walked up the steps to the Esperance police station and pushed open the door.

‘Could I see someone to report a case of stalking, please?’ she asked the young man at the front desk.

‘Stalking? In Esperance?’ His tone was dubious.

‘Yes please,’ Amanda replied steadily.

‘There’s no one in at the moment. You’ll have to come back later.’ As he said this, the door opened and an older plainclothes officer entered the station. His face looked weary and he rubbed his shoulder as if it was hurting.

‘Any messages, Walker?’ he asked as he punched a code into a door beside the desk.

‘No, sir.’

‘Um, actually, yes there is one,’ Amanda said. ‘I’d like some help with a stalker. This gentleman says there isn’t anyone available to help me. Would you be able to?’

He stopped and looked at her. ‘A stalker? Well it’s been a while since we had one of those. It’ll make a change from drunk drivers, disorderly conduct and speeding!’ He smiled encouragingly. ‘Why don’t you come through? Walker, which interview room is free?’

‘One, sir,’ ‘This way, Mrs . . . ?’

‘Oh, Miss – Amanda Greenfield.’ She held out her hand.

‘Well, Miss Greenfield, I’m Detective Burns. Come this way.’

They settled in the interview room and Amanda started to explain her situation. She told of her mother’s death, her uneasy relationship with her father and taking on Kyleena, her father’s death and finally getting Kyleena out of debt. Then she took out the letters and laid them on the table.

‘I’ve got one of these around the anniversary of Dad’s death every year since he died. The first year I didn’t take much notice – it gave me a fright but I thought someone was just stuffing around. Then the same one arrived the next year and then another two. They upset me, but I thought it was just a really nasty joke. I didn’t think I should bother the police with it. But this year, the note was stuck to my fridge.’ She held up the latest letter, which was in a sandwich bag. ‘Whoever left it actually came into my house. The others were all left in the mail box down on the road.’

The detective looked at the letters and made some notes on his pad.

‘Have you noticed anything odd happening in your surrounds? Any strangers hanging around, things missing from your house or sheds, anything like that?’

Amanda hesitated. No, it had been proved that the noises were a figment of her imagination. She shook her head. ‘Not really. There’ve been a couple of nights when cars have turned around in my driveway, but that’s about it.’

‘Have you annoyed anyone over the past couple of years? Could someone hold a grudge against you or have you had an argument with someone? The littlest thing might hold the key.’

‘I’ve done a fair bit of thinking about this. A few years ago I sacked a shearer they all called Slay – I don’t know his real name. He was crutching for me and kept cutting and hitting the sheep. He actually killed two, so I told him to pack his things and leave. What is written in these notes is similar to what he said to me when he walked out of the shed.

‘But like I said, it was a while ago and I can’t really remember it in much detail. He was really angry though. And he carried it on for a bit. I saw him at last year’s show and he just stared me down, until I walked around him and whenever I see him around I just sort of avoid him.’

‘So he’s still in town?’

‘Well, as far as I know. I did hear he had a drug habit at some stage, but who knows if that’s true.’

‘Do you know where he’s working now?’

Amanda shook her head. ‘He’s never been on a shearing team that I’ve had since. He was working for Nathan Jury – Natty – back then though.’

‘I’ll follow up on him but unfortunately, there’s not much we can do, Miss Greenfield. A letter that arrives once a year without any actual threat does point to a prank, however malicious. But I will have the letters tested for fingerprints. I’ll have to take yours so we can discount them. Has anyone else touched the letters?’

‘Yes, my friend Hannah has. But neither of us has touched the one that came last week.’

‘I’d like to fingerprint Hannah too.’

‘She lives in Sydney.’

‘Ah, well, let’s see how we go with the one you haven’t touched. We can always send her to her local police station for printing if needs be.’

Amanda left the police station fifteen minutes later feeling much lighter than when she’d arrived. Now to sort out the next thing on her list. It was time to re-establish contact with her family.

Chapter 40

‘Hi, Aunty Di, it’s Amanda,’

There was a pause and Amanda knew her aunt was probably taken aback by this call out of the blue. ‘Well, well, Mandy. How are you? It’s been so long since we saw or heard from you.’

‘I’m okay. How are you both?’

‘We’re fine. James is out working in his shed and I’ve been keeping busy in the garden. We’re both enjoying being retired.’

‘That’s great.’ There was an uncomfortable silence; no doubt Diane was wondering what had prompted this unexpected call.

‘Um, Aunty Di, I’m ringing to apologise for my behaviour – for cutting off you and Uncle James.

‘Oh, dear girl, there’s nothing to apologise for. You and your father were so alike in lots of ways – and not being able to deal with your emotions is one of them. We thought it best to leave you be until you came to us. And now you have! It’s wonderful to hear from you, my dear.’

Amanda swallowed, feeling moved by the affection in her aunt’s voice. Why hadn’t she done this sooner? She berated herself. ‘I was wondering if you and Uncle James would like to come to tea on Friday night. It would be lovely to see you again – and I also want to ask you a few things about my parents.’

‘Ah.’ Diane’s tone was guarded. ‘What sort of things?’

‘Perhaps it would be better to talk about it when you get here, just so we don’t start something we can’t finish now,’ Amanda suggested.

‘That might be best,’ her aunt agreed. ‘Friday it is.’

Amanda hung up the phone, took the crumpled photo out of her pocket and stared at it. ‘Well, little one, in a couple of days’ time, I’ll finally know who you are.’

Amanda watched the lights of her aunt and uncle’s car come up the driveway. Mingus, asleep in the kitchen, barely stirred at the sound of the strange car. Amanda looked down at him fondly. Aunty Di would probably disapprove of her letting a working dog inside, but that was tough. Mingus was her only comfort when Adrian and Hannah weren’t around. She smiled as she thought of the message that Hannah had left on her answering machine that morning.

‘Hope tonight goes well, Mandy. Remember, whatever Di and James tell you, don’t get angry with your folks. Love you! Oh, and I was talking to Jonno this morning. He sends his love too.’ Amanda had felt a warm glow at the mention of Jonno. She’d let it sit there for a moment and then banished it to the back of her mind, where all the other emotions that she didn’t want to touch were.

With a pang of guilt she thought about Adrian. She really should have told him what was going on tonight, but she’d found that she just couldn’t. She hadn’t even told him about the photo. Perhaps it was his mother’s comment about the Greenfields being below the Majors, or maybe she just couldn’t completely open herself up to Adrian. Whatever the reason, she was keen to find out what the family secret was. Then she could decide if she would tell him or not. Fortunately he was away in Perth. He’d been invited to the footy by a chemical company he spent a great deal of money with. A weekend with the boys was just what he needed, he’d told Amanda.

As her visitors reached the bottom step, Amanda opened the door and smiled.

‘Hello, Aunty Di.’ She gave the grey-haired woman a kiss on the cheek and gestured for her to go inside. ‘Uncle James, how are you?’ She accepted the bottle of wine he proffered with a thankyou before following him inside.

After dinner, Amanda ushered her aunt and uncle into the lounge and brought coffee. After a few minutes of general chat Amanda brought out the photo and laid it on the coffee table.

‘I was looking through an old photo album and found this,’ she said. Diane leaned forward and picked it up. Immediately, tears formed in her eyes. ‘I took it out of the plastic pocket so I could hold it a bit closer. I just wanted to be able to hug Dad. I don’t really ever remember him looking at me like that.’ She watched her Aunty Di.‘Then I turned it over.The birthday on the back isn’t mine . . .’ She left the sentence hanging.

‘No,’ said Diane. ‘It wasn’t your birthday.’ She was still staring at the photo, shaking her head. ‘Oh, it’s such a sad story, Mandy. Your mother never wanted you to know and as for Brian, well he just flatly refused to talk about it – about Michael Junior and the accident. I had a feeling that this was what you wanted to know about. I thought you must have found a birth or death certificate – I wasn’t sure if there were any photos left. Such a sad story,’ Diane repeated.

‘Your mother had trouble falling pregnant. Well, not so much falling pregnant, but staying so. She miscarried four times before she fell pregnant with Michael – Mikey we used to call him. Your grandfather Michael – my Dad – was still alive then you see. Mikey was a beautiful baby, quiet, not at all demanding. He’d sleep all the time! I could remember Helena having to wake him for feeds. He slept, fed, burped, Helena would change his nappy and he’d be back to sleep again.

‘But as soon he was able to walk, he was a regular mischief-maker! He was always escaping from the

house. Brian put up barriers around the verandah so he couldn’t get out, but he was such a little climber that he was over the top and gone the moment your mother turned her back!’ She took a sip of her coffee and drew a shaky breath.

‘One day, a Tuesday it was, Mikey was playing on the front lawn while your parents were having morning tea. Helena had just found out she was pregnant again and they were making plans. Brian had gone out twice to check on Mikey, who was playing in the sandpit. Then Brian received a phone call saying there was a fire on one of the neighbours’ farms. He raced outside and jumped in the ute, not realising that Mikey wasn’t in the front yard anymore. Brian felt a bump as he backed out – just as Helena discovered Mikey wasn’t on the lawn.

‘There was nothing anyone could do. The wheel had gone right over the top of him. He died in your father’s arms.’

Amanda felt tears slip down her cheeks as she took in what she had just learned. Her father had killed her brother. She shook her head – she couldn’t even imagine what her parents had suffered. Then she thought of something.

‘You said Mum was pregnant?’

‘Yes. But given the shock and emotional upheaval, she lost that baby too. Two days after Mikey died.’

‘Bloody hell,’ Amanda gasped.

‘Oh, it was a terrible time. Not long after the funeral, Brian drank himself into a stupor and gathered up all the photos of Mikey and burned them. He couldn’t bear to see anything that reminded him of Mikey. He didn’t stop at the photos either. He destroyed Mikey’s toys, his teddy bear. Helena was devastated. She found this photo in the pocket of Brian’s shirt. It seemed that he was taking it everywhere with him but couldn’t look at it. She must have hid it until they were both strong enough to bring it back out again.’

The silence in the room was deafening. Amanda was too shaken by her aunt’s revelations to speak. After a while she said, ‘Obviously I came along after that.’

James leaned forward. ‘Well I think your aunty and I can take the accolades for you coming into being.’

Amanda stared at him, shocked.‘What do you mean?’ she asked. ‘You’re surely not my . . .’

Diane gave a small laugh as she guessed what Amanda was about to say. ‘No, no, dear, we’re not your parents! No, we paid for Brian and Helena to go away on a holiday. They’d worked themselves into the ground once Mikey died. They hadn’t spoken to each other properly in such a long time and I got to thinking that they were going to . . . oh, I don’t know. But we were both very worried about them, weren’t we?’ She looked at James for confirmation.

‘Yes. Helena had lost a lot of weight, wasn’t sleeping well, so caught up in her grief that she couldn’t see, and Brian, well, he wasn’t that much different to when Helena died, I guess.’

‘Anyway,’ Diane picked up the thread, ‘we bought them a holiday on a cruise ship. James and I offered to look after the farm, but when Brian finally agreed to go, he asked Adrian Major to keep an eye on things. He wanted someone who knew a bit about farming, not an accountant. I don’t think he knew Adrian at all well at that stage – they’d met at some sort of field day and struck up a friendship. But they certainly grew closer after that.

‘When Brian and Helena arrived home, they were like different people.They were in love again, they didn’t blame each other – I think that before they went they each secretly blamed the other. I guess that’s normal, but Mikey’s death was a tragic accident. Nothing more. And even though you could still see they were sad after the holiday, they had each other again and that made all the difference in the world.

‘I guess the long and the short of it was they were away for two weeks and sometime after they came back they told us they were pregnant. After nine blessedly uneventful months, you were born.

‘You were adored by your mother, but it took Brian some time to allow himself to love you. He was frightened that you would be taken away and he would have to go through all that hurt again. I know he loved you though, Amanda. He really did. And I know you’ve questioned his love for a long time. But you needn’t. He just couldn’t let himself show you. He was protecting himself.’

Amanda picked up a cushion and hugged it to her chest. She wanted to cry but felt too tired, too drained. Yet, in a funny way, she felt happy too. She could finally understand why her father had acted the way he did towards her. Aloof but overprotective – it all sprang from the loss of that first child: the child he’d killed.

Amanda smiled at her aunt and uncle. ‘Thank you,’ she said quietly. ‘Thank you so much.’

Chapter 41

‘C’mon, Mingus, get up here,’ called Amanda, opening the front passenger door of the ute. Mingus came flying from around the side of the house and leapt in. He turned himself in circles a couple of times then settled himself in a tight ball on the floor.

Amanda jumped in the driver’s side and threw the ute into gear. She swung out onto the main road and headed towards the beach.

After the draining night with Diane and James, she had spent the week doing a lot of thinking as she worked. Her plans for the future were at the top of her list, which meant Adrian was there as well. She still hadn’t quite worked out what to do about Adrian. She appreciated his steadiness and dependability, but the fire she felt for Jonno just wasn’t there with Adrian. There was the small problem that Jonno didn’t know how she felt – and was she prepared to risk their friendship by telling him? Amanda thought not; it wasn’t like he’d ever given any kind of sign that he had feelings for her. She tried to think back, to remember if her mother had ever given her any advice when it came to love. She knew there was something, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what it was. Adrian was so dependable, but, but – oh, it was all too hard! And could she leave Kyleena after all the work she’d put into it? More importantly, would Adrian move to Kyleena? No! Could she live at Paringa? She wasn’t sure.

She pulled up on the beach. Mingus pricked his ears up as he realised where they were and got up, craning his head over the dash of the ute to see. His tail began to wag.

‘Yeah, I know you love it here.’ Amanda reached down to fondle his ears. ‘So tell me, Mingus,’ she continued as she opened the door, ‘commercial stock or stud stock? Do you think we can do both well enough? And what do you think about Adrian and would you like to live at Paringa? Think of the comfy kennel that we could build you there – it would be the Ritz of dog kennels!’

Mingus listened to the sound of his mistress’s voice, his ears cocked. He hadn’t been given permission to get out, yet, so he stayed where he was.

‘C’mon then, get out! Go for a run!’ Amanda laughed out loud as Mingus shot over the driver’s seat and out the door. He pranced around the beach, sniffing the air, then took off as fast as he could across the white sand to the water.

Amanda slipped off her boots and socks, rolled up her jeans and zipped up her thick jacket. She stood at the water’s edge, then gasped as the waves rolled around her ankles – the water was glacial!

Looking around, Amanda realised that she was the only person on the beach – that was the thing she loved about Esperance beaches; a crowded beach was one with two people on it! The isolation and wildness were a tonic, just what she needed to clear her head. Tonight she and Adrian were going to Sharna’s birthday party, and she’d wanted to get her life into some kind of perspective before she saw him again.

Finally, Amanda called Mingus to her side and they walked back to the ute.The bitter wind and chilly water had blown the cobwebs away.

‘Hey, Sharna, where do you want this?’ Amanda called, lugging the stereo into the shearing shed.

Sharna finished giving instructions to a couple of her other friends and ran over. ‘This is going to be so great! I can’t wait until tonight!’ She bounced up and down on the spot, grinning.

‘Yeah, me too, but where the hell do you want this? It’s heavy!’ Amanda exclaimed.

‘What about here?’ Sharna pointed to an empty forty-four-gallon drum that sat in the middle of the shed with an empty wool pack draped over it. Amanda plonked it down gratefully.

She glanced around the shed. ‘Tell me again how you managed to con Scotty into letting you have the party here?’ Sharna was using the shed of a young local farmer for her birthday bash tonight.

‘My womanly wiles,’ Sharna said, flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder and batting her eyelashes.

‘Yeah right,’ Amanda snorted. ‘I can’t think he was silly enough to fall for that! What did you really do?’

‘Offered him a couple of hundred dollars.’

Amanda raised her eyebrows, wondering if that would seem like such a good deal to Scotty when he saw the mess tomorrow morning. Native flowers had been collected and shaped into decorative arrangements which now hung from rafters. Small lanterns lit up the darkest corners and the mallee-root piles for the bonfire had grown since people had begun to arrive. A couple of large eskies hired from a local bottle shop sat underneath the wool table and a spread of wonderful food was warming in a bain-marie.

As darkness fell and the cars began to roll in, Sharna went over to the stereo and turned it on. Cold Chisel boomed and a few blokes took it as a signal to crack a beer. The bonfire was lit and threw hot flames into the darkness.

By teatime, there were kids running everywhere and most people had rosy cheeks, not only from the fire, but from the alcohol. Adrian, who had arrived a short time ago, appeared next to Amanda and held out a plate full of food.

Amanda was deep in conversation with another stud breeder, who was selling his ram pens. Amanda had been toying with the idea of holding an on-property ram sale instead of trucking her precious rams to Esperance, and so was considering buying them.

Absently taking the plate, she asked Rob how much he wanted for the pens.

‘How about you come and have a look at them? They haven’t been used for a while – I haven’t had a sale in four years. I know they’re still in great shape though.’

‘Why do you want the pens?’ Adrian interrupted.

‘On-farm sale,’ Amanda replied.

‘Excuse me . . .’ A lady with a camera around her neck broke into the conversation ‘Could I take your photo for the social pages, please?’

Adrian placed his arm around Amanda’s shoulder and all three smiled at the camera. Snap.

‘Thanks so much.’

‘Why do you want to do that?’ asked Adrian, picking up where the discussion had left off.‘It’s so much work, everything around the property has to look pristine. It would take a lot to get Kyleena looking like that. All those piles of wire and ring lock would need to be shifted, the shearing shed painted. Amanda, I’ve taken you to stud farms and you know what they look like – Kyleena doesn’t present like that.’

Amanda willed her face not to betray the anger she felt.

Oblivious, Adrian went on, ‘But you know, Amanda, Paringa presents well. You could have your sale at home.’

Amanda breathed a sigh of relief; it was only the way Kyleena looked he was objecting to, not the fact she wanted to hold a sale. Realistically she knew Kyleena could do with some tidying up and she was working on it, but these things took time – especially when the stock came first.

‘Well that’s not a bad idea,’ said Amanda thoughtfully. ‘Although,’ she fixed Adrian with a steely stare, ‘it’s not like Kyleena hasn’t improved since I -’

‘Of course not,’ Adrian said hastily. ‘You’ve done a marvellous job. But it couldn’t possibly be ready for a sale this year, or even next. But I know you’ll get it there. Paringa, meanwhile, doesn’t need any work. Just walk in, set the pens up and organise the auctioneer.’

‘Adrian, you’re impossible!’ Amanda said, laughing. ‘You bag my farm, tell me how good yours is and expect me to not be angry or upset with you! It’s a good thing I understand you.’ She leaned forward and gave him an awkward one-armed hug, trying not to spill the plate of food.

Surprised, Adrian hugged her back and then kept his arm around her.

Chapter 42

Kathleen gathered a small bundle of Rose’s clothes and her favourite teddy bear and wrapped them in a clean sheet. Her own small case was already packed and sitting beside her.

‘Come on, Rosie-Posie, it’s time for your bath.’ She picked up the little girl and rubbed her cheek against her daughter’s velvety skin.

Rose chuckled and banged Kathleen over the head with a small hand. ‘Bath time, bath time!’ she chanted.

‘You love your bath, don’t you, my darling?’ asked Kathleen as she lowered Rose into the tin trough in her room. There was only a few inches of water in the bottom, but it was enough for Rose to be able to bang her hands down in delight and laugh as the water splashed up around her.

Kathleen bit back tears as she gently washed her daughter for the last time. She had known she could not continue the way she was. Every time she gave her body to one of Alice’s ‘friends’ a part of her died.

She had to leave – her daughter deserved so much more.

Kathleen knew that she couldn’t give Rose what she ought to have and she couldn’t take her back to Esperance. There would be too many questions asked. But there was a place that would keep her warm and comfortable.

Kathleen lifted Rose out of the tub, dried her with a rough towel, and tried to dress her. ‘Arms up, darling,’ she murmured. Rose obliged and tapped Kathleen on the head again. ‘No, Mummy.’ She tried to wiggle out of Kathleen’s grasp. ‘No dress.’

‘We need to go and see the nice ladies at the mission,’ Kathleen choked out. ‘Come on, there’s a good girl.’

‘No dress, no dress!’ Rose extracted herself from the strong grip and ran around the room naked. Then she turned back and giggled at Kathleen.

‘You naughty little girl! Rose, come here!’ Kathleen moved forward a few steps and watched as Rose ran just out of reach. She wanted to play.

Would it really hurt to play one more game with a daughter she would never see again? Of course not. She yanked the door open and chased Rose down the hall, enjoying her daughter’s giggles and screams when she was finally caught. The raspberries that Kathleen blew on Rose’s bare tummy made her laugh out loud and squirm.

‘I hope you remember this, my daughter,’ she murmured against Rose’s soft, sweet-smelling skin, trying to memorise the smell.

‘Come on now. It’s time to get dressed.’

Rose stood obligingly and let her mother dress her. Then Kathleen gathered up the bundles of clothes and her suitcase and walked out of the rented room with her head high.

A few hours later, tears streaming down her cheeks, she boarded the train to Esperance alone.

Kathleen finally arrived in Esperance, sore and weary. Her tears had long since dried, to be replaced with a sense of desolation, an anguish like nothing she had ever felt before.

Seeing the familiar Norfolk pines around the foreshore and boats in the harbour brought back so many memories. Happy times with Thomas and her mother. The sadness she felt when her father passed on. The joy when she and Michael had been together. She thought of him now – not that he was ever far from her mind – and without warning anger swept through her. For a moment she wanted to hit something, but the anger passed as quickly as it came.

When she arrived home, she was troubled for a brief moment by the note on the door of the boarding house, wondering why it was closed, but was grateful that it was, knowing that no one was at home as she slipped a note under the door.

Skirting around the edge of the garden that bordered her old house, she looked through the gap in the fence to see if Winkie, her horse, was still stabled there.

He was, along with two other horses that she didn’t know. She slipped around the back, climbed the fence and started talking quietly to Winkie as she slipped the bridle over his head and the bit into his mouth. Throwing on the saddle blanket and then the saddle, she tightened the girth, took hold of the reins and led him out the stable door, through the yard and into a tract of bush where she wouldn’t be seen. There she mounted the horse and turned him in the direction of Kyleena. She had to see Michael one last time.

The shed was lit by kerosene lanterns when Kathleen arrived. She had tethered Winkie to a tree back on the road, followed the track to the house. Surprised to see the modifications that Michael had made since she was here last, her breath caught in her throat as she saw the swing and neatly tended garden. There was a woman here. A child here. She hadn’t known.

‘No,’ she whispered, falling to her knees.

Crawling forward, the only noise a rustling of her skirts, she peered through a window in the shed.

Michael had his legs crossed and a child sitting on his ankle. A horse ride. His smile told her everything she needed to know. Kathleen Cramm was not thought of anymore. She was just turning to leave as a woman entered the room holding a pot. Kathleen could see she was pregnant.

Stifling a sob, she stumbled towards the old hut. She spent the night inside, rocking and crying, her desperate moans heard only by the dingoes and owls. As the sun dawned, she walked to the river and sat for a little while on the rocks, listening to the water. She could tell there had been good rains this season, because the river was high and running swiftly.

Kathleen slipped off her boots and stood, then took off her dress. Feeling the hardness of the granite under her feet, she walked slowly towards the water.

She walked and walked and gave herself up to the rushing river.

Chapter 43

Amanda was sitting at her computer with Mingus at her feet. Outside, the wind was howling and rain blew horizontally against the walls of the house. Occasionally, there would be an extra heavy squall and Mingus would lift his head, listen, and then put his head back down on his paws and sigh, his eyes on Amanda the whole time.

Amanda had been searching the web for information on the piece of land with the old hut on it, but without success. She sighed and tapped her finger on the desk. Aunty Di and Uncle James hadn’t known anything about it, though James had suggested she could hire a solicitor to do a title search. Suddenly she remembered that she still had all the paperwork from her parents’ probate. There would be a solicitor in there she could use. She was just hauling the files from the filing cabinet when it occurred to her that before she forked out for a solicitor, she really should have a look in her father’s office for the title deeds.

The phone rang and she looked at the clock and realised that Adrian would be arriving to pick her up any minute now. They were supposed to be going to a fertiliser information night.

‘I’m just leaving Paringa, Mandy. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.’

‘Adrian, do you mind if I don’t go? It’s so cold and rough outside, I just don’t feel like it. I’m just as happy to stay here and curl up in front of the fire, watching some TV.’ She didn’t mention her search of the title deeds. Adrian had made his thoughts on her obsession – his words, not hers – quite clear.

‘Well I guess so,’ he said slowly. ‘I was looking forward to seeing you tonight though.And you’ve paid to go,’ he reminded her.

‘Yeah, I just don’t feel like it tonight,’ said Amanda, aware he was a bit miffed.

‘Right-o. Are you sure I can’t come and get you?’

Amanda wavered, then said, ‘Yeah, I’d like to stay home.’

‘Well, I guess I’ll see you when you feel like it,’ he said shortly. ‘Bye.’

‘There you go, Mingus,’ Amanda said. ‘We’ve got the whole night to ourselves. What shall we do? Tea and then let’s have a look through Dad’s office to see if we can find any interesting snippets of info, there.’

She had hardly entered Brian’s office since he had died, and it was strange seeing it so cold and empty. But, spurred on by her curiosity about the hut, she turned on the bar heater and sat down at her father’s desk.

An hour later, she’d learned more about Kyleena’s accounts than she’d ever known, but it was all from Brian’s own management of the farm, nothing from earlier times when her grandfather would have been about. She closed the handwritten cash books with a sigh and rolled her shoulders back, trying to loosen the muscles that had tightened while she was hunched over reading the faded script. Staring at the familiar handwriting had made her feel the loss of her father more keenly than she had in some time. A wave of sadness washed over her and she sighed and closed her eyes – only to jump up with a start as the sound of shattering glass echoed through the night air.

Mingus barked frantically and, after a second’s pause, Amanda ran along the hallway to the lounge. She stood still as she took in the rock on the floor, surrounded by shattered glass, the curtains flapping as the cold winds rushed through the opening.

Amanda grabbed a torch from the kitchen and, with Mingus at her heels, went out into the blackness of the night. She scouted the garden, then the sheds. Nothing. The wind continued to howl and occasionally a light shower rained down.

Shivering from cold, and fear, Amanda made her way back to the house and picked up the phone to call Adrian.

‘Why would someone throw a rock through my window?’ Amanda asked for the third time. She was sitting in the lounge room at Paringa with a glass of wine in her hand.

‘Mandy, I really believe someone is just trying to frighten you because you’re living by yourself. That’s all. You’re not the sort of person who has enemies. It’s probably just young kids who haven’t grown up enough to realise how terrifying their actions would be to a woman on her own,’ said Adrian.

‘Who’s got young kids around this area though? I know some of the neighbours have got kids of about sixteen or so, but none of them would have licences yet.’

‘I wouldn’t have a clue,’ Adrian shrugged. ‘I’ve lost track of all the teenagers around here. But I’m sure there is a simple answer to all of this.’

‘Yes,’ Amanda said, ‘there is. I’m going to go and talk to Detective Burns again. He was so nice to me last time, I’m sure that he won’t just dismiss this incident.’

‘Really, Amanda, are you sure it’s worth going to the police over one broken window? And what do you mean “again”? When did you talk to him before?’

‘Oh, I haven’t bothered you with it. I just got a couple of silly letters in the mail and I wanted his opinion, that’s all. Anyway . . .’

‘No,’ interrupted Adrian.‘Tell me. I thought we talked about everything.’

‘I know,’ Amanda said quietly. ‘But I can’t deal with this right now. Let me have my tea and talk about something else.’

There was a lengthy pause and then Adrian said, ‘Okay, I’ll get tea. Perhaps you could come and help.’ He got up and led the way to the kitchen.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said as he seasoned the steak for the pan, ‘about our future.’

Despite everything, Amanda smiled. ‘So have I. Now that’s a much nicer subject than what we’ve been talking about.’

‘I like the sound of that,’ he said as Amanda sat on a bar stool and began slicing mushrooms and tomatoes for a salad. ‘How would you feel about moving to Paringa?’

Amanda paused in her slicing. ‘Well, I’ve thought about it. It would feel a bit strange after putting so much into Kyleena, being there all the time and loving it the way I do. But I think that I could move.’

Adrian leaned across the bench and planted a kiss on her lips. ‘I’m so pleased you said that! I’ve got a surprise for you. Wait here.’ He left the room and came back a few seconds later with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a ring box in the other.

‘Mandy, would you marry me?’ He handed her the flowers and opened the ring box to reveal a silver band with a large sapphire encircled by a dozen or so small diamonds.

Amanda involuntarily gasped at its beauty. She reached out to touch the ring and then looked into Adrian’s face.

Her thoughts ran together. Dependable. Stable. Reliable. A good provider. And then the long-forgotten memory of her mother pushed its way to the front of her mind. ‘The lust can fade, Mandy. Life takes over, kids are born, work gets stressful and the sex bit fades. You’ve got to be friends, not just lovers, with whoever you marry.’

They were friends, Amanda realised. Adrian was all of those things, but above all he was a good friend. They could make it work.

Swept away in the emotion of it all Amanda answered:‘Yes’.

Adrian pulled the ring from its box and took her left hand. As he slipped the ring onto her finger, he murmured, ‘Thank you,’ and then kissed her. ‘Now, let me tell you about my plans!’ he said. ‘Tea can wait for a while.’

Back in the lounge room, he poured her another glass of wine.

‘Now, I think you should move in here as soon as possible. That will kill a couple of birds with one stone – we can stop this ridiculous carry-on of people frightening you, and we can finally be together.

‘We could have a March wedding – perhaps at the yacht club or maybe Seas, on the foreshore.’

Mandy started to laugh. ‘Hang on – we’ve got to tell people first! We need to tell Mum and . . .’ She stopped. ‘Well, we just need to tell Hannah and Jonno and all of your friends, I suppose. Neither of us have parents to tell, do we?’

Adrian was so caught up in his plans he hardly seemed to hear her. ‘And we could have an engagement party right here on Paringa!’

‘That’s a great idea,’ said Amanda. ‘Much more personal. And perhaps instead of getting married in town we could have the ceremony on the beach, or down by the river, then go into town for the reception.’

‘Mandy, I really think that a beach or farm wedding is out of the question. It may look beautiful in photos, but think about the weather – it could be too hot or cold, or too windy. You know what Esperance is like. I think we really should be indoors.’

‘I’d love a river wedding,’ said Amanda wistfully.

‘Well, we’ve got time to work that out. Why don’t we plan the engagement party first?’

They threw ideas around excitedly until finally Amanda said, ‘I’m starving. Let’s have some dinner.’

‘Hang on, we should probably talk about the farms, Mandy, since we’ve worked out the basic details of everything else.’

Amanda gave him a hug.‘Just like you to talk business when we could be discussing romantic things!’

Adrian hugged her back, then let go. ‘I propose that we merge the farms together.What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, after all.’

Amanda felt the first twinge of apprehension as he talked. She wasn’t sure she was quite ready to do that; it was only through her own hard work and effort that Kyleena had been saved. She tried to push the thought to the back of her mind, chiding herself for being selfish. If Adrian was happy to share everything of his, which was plenty, much more than she could offer, then shouldn’t she be happy to do the same?

‘I’ve worked out that to shift stock between the farms we could build a small stile at the narrowest part of the river and walk them over. Kyleena has some great cropping land. Since it hasn’t spent a lot of time in crop, the natural fertility will help grow fantastic crops. Damo has been talking to me about expanding the cropping program and Kyleena will fit in with that.’ Adrian took another sip of his wine.

‘Ade, I’m really not sure about cropping Kyleena. I understand why you want to, but I’m not into cropping that much.’

‘But, my love, we’ll have to run everything together. It would be foolish to run it as two separate farms. Now as for your studs, you could bring them here and have them in the paddock near the house. All the rams will be in the right spot for the sale and you won’t have to worry about getting Kyleena too tidy for it – and while I’m sure you’ll want to keep on with them for a while, once we have children I hope you’ll give them up. It’s not like we’ll need the money.’

‘Really?’ Amanda asked, suddenly getting angry. She had an idea where this was going even though she had been sure that Adrian had understood her outlook on not working. ‘What about helping you outside? Would there be equal say there?’

‘Oh, Mandy, do you really want to work on the farm? Surely you won’t, not with all this to look after.’ He swept his hands around to encompass the house and gardens. ‘I’ll happily take you on farm inspections, but once the children come along you’ll be too busy. And I’m not getting any younger, so I’d like to have children straight away.’

‘Adrian, you know I’m not like that.You of all people know how hard I’ve worked to get Kyleena where it is. Why would I want to stop suddenly?’

‘But that’s just it, Mandy,’ Adrian looked at her so eagerly that her heart almost melted. ‘You wouldn’t have to work that hard anymore. You’d have me to look after you.’

‘You don’t get it do you?’ Amanda asked incredulously. ‘I thought you did. I do this because I love it! Not because I have to. I want to work outside. I want to feel the sun on my skin and listen to the lambs calling to their mums. I want to feel the soil between my fingers and look out at the mass of grass I’ve grown and know that it’s happened because I made the right decision. I want to feel the heartbreak of a bad season and learn from it and then start again the next year. I love the land, I want to be a part of it, not shut in a house somewhere on a hill, tending to a garden, making jam and bringing up a tribe of kids. I want to be out there, living it, breathing it.’ Amanda put down her glass and stood up.‘I’m sorry, Adrian, I thought this was going to work, but it’s obvious that I’m not the sort of woman you’re looking for.’ She slipped off the ring and put it on the table.

‘Mandy, darling, you’re overreacting. I’m sorry.’ Adrian shot to his feet. ‘You can be any type of woman you want. I’m sorry if I upset you. Please stay – we’ll work through it.’

Amanda looked at him gently and said,‘Adrian, you might say that now, but it will only come between us later on. You won’t like that I’m outside, that I come home dirty and smelling like sheep. You’ll start to resent me and then I’ll resent you. I’m sorry, but it’s better to know now than later. ‘I do love you, but I can’t be the person you want me to be.’ And she walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

Chapter 44

Amanda threw her suitcase in the back of the ute and made sure she had plenty of CDs up front. It was a long drive to Perth and the music would take her mind off everything.

After the argument with Adrian, she had decided she just had to get away from Esperance and the farm. Her search for the owner of the hut had hit a brick wall. Maybe she should go to Perth for some time away from Kyleena and to see a solicitor. Jonno had a spare room in his flat and, after a phone call from Amanda, Jonno was expecting her late that afternoon. She’d checked the sheep, made sure all the gates were shut and put out a tank of fungicide spray over her oats crop. Now it was time to leave.

‘Get up, Mingus,’ she said as she stood by the back of the ute. Mingus jumped into the back and she tied him to a chain that was bolted to the back of the cab. Mingus was going to stay with Sharna for the few days that Amanda was away, and Sharna would bring the dog out to the farm every day after work when she came to check up on everything.

After one final glance at the house and shed to check that everything was in order, she climbed into the ute and took off.

Five hours later, she was refuelling at Lake Grace, and another four hours on she’d hit the outskirts of Perth. Adjusting to city driving took a little time – she changed lanes nervously, searching for street names that were so hard to find among all the road signs and trees and traffic lights.

Finally, with a sigh of relief, she turned into Jonno’s street and spotted his V8 ute – devoid of aerial and spotlights – sitting out the front of his unit.

As she got out, stretching and grabbing her bag off the back, a screen door slammed and she looked around to see Jonno in a pair of faded jeans, a blue and white rugby top and bare feet. His hair was tousled as if he’d just got out of bed. Amanda’s breath caught in her throat. He looked so . . . desirable. She knew she had done the right thing by leaving Adrian.

‘Mandy-Mands!’ he called. ‘How are you?’

‘Hi, Jonno, great to see you,’ Amanda called back, walking towards him. ‘What’s the deal with the ute? No aerials or spotties! Lost your country background?’

‘Nah, just getting sick of things being pinched off it. Two mornings in a row I came out to find that the spotties had gone. It wouldn’t be a problem if the unit had a garage, but parked out on the street it’s a prime target for low-lifes.’ He reached out and took her bag, then wrapped his free arm around her. ‘So you’ve given Adrian the Dear John letter?’

Amanda winced. ‘Yep.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

‘Pretty crap, actually. I think I’ve hurt him quite badly and that was never my intention. He was so good to me after Dad died, but I can’t see us going back to being friends now. I just wish he could have understood why I want to farm. It’s just one big balls-up.’

‘Well have a shower, while I order a pizza.’

When she came out, Jonno was standing in the kitchen serving piles of pizza onto two plates, a beer open in front of him. She stood in the shadows of the hallway, observing him, the feeling that she needed to tell him how she felt so close to the surface.

Jonno lifted another piece of pizza from the box that, as he lifted it across to the plate, slipped upside down on the bench top.‘Shit,’ he muttered and Amanda couldn’t help but giggle. She walked into the kitchen and leaned against the bench, smiling at him.

‘There’s beer in the fridge,’ Jonno said, ignoring her giggle and handing her a plate.

Finally they settled on the couch, eating and catching up with the news of the last few months.

Amanda was gobsmacked at the amount of travelling Jonno did for his job.

‘Yeah, one week they’ll send me to Albany to cover a sale, then it’s back to the sale yards to talk to the auctioneers, then up to Kununurra to interview people about the Ord River Scheme. I really love it though, Mandy. Some of the people I’ve had the opportunity to talk to or have a beer with have been amazing. The Minister for Agriculture for one! I’ve learned more about agriculture than I thought I ever would, and it’s not just cropping and stock – I can tell you about live cattle export, growing tomatoes or potatoes . . . And to portray it well, for people who haven’t seen what I’m seeing, you need to understand what you’re writing about. It’s been great!’

‘Well, you sound passionate about it. What’s next for you? Will you stay here or try and go higher up the ladder?’

‘Actually, I’m thinking about leaving the city. I’m a bit sick of the noise and smog. I want to wake up and see blue skies and hear the birds. I was thinking about going back to Dad’s farm and giving him a hand there for a while and seeing what I felt like doing then. Might even venture down as far as your place! Even if I’m based in the country, I can still cover certain things for the magazine – clearing sales, ram sales, that sort of stuff. Could you cope with me bunking on your floor for a while?’

‘You know you can come and stay whenever you want for as long as you want!’ Amanda answered and tried to stifle a yawn.

‘Now I’m boring you,’ Jonno twinkled at her. ‘C’mon, bed time! Tomorrow I’m dragging you to the Midland sale yards with me – I’ve got an article to write on how dilapidated they are and where farmers think the new yards should be. Then we’ll go to Kings Park, prime Perth land – gotta show the country gal what’s in my territory!’

‘I’ve got an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow. To find out about that fenced-off piece of land that I found a while ago. I might have told you about it at Christmas. I want to know if it’s part of Kyleena or not. I thought I’d go and see Mum and Dad’s solicitors about it.’

‘Do you want me to come too?’

‘Maybe you could just drop me off or tell me which bus to catch to get there. It’s in the city centre.’

‘I’ll drop you off.’

Amanda grabbed his hand. ‘Thanks for having me, Jonno,’ she said softly.

‘You’re more than welcome, Mandy-Mands!’ He rubbed his thumb over her hand and Amanda felt shots of desire course through her. Yes, it was a good thing she’d let Adrian go. She knew that she could never end up with Jonno, but the way she felt when she was with him helped her realise she and Adrian would never have made it.

After Amanda had turned off the light, she went to the window and lifted the curtains. Cars sped past, carrying nameless people to nameless places. She couldn’t even see the stars, and tried not to feel so alone in this alien environment.

A little while later she heard the squeak of Jonno’s bed springs.

Amanda walked up the steps and into a huge skyscraper. The foyer was filled with glass and mirrors and it made her feel slightly disorientated and uncomfortable.

She told the receptionist who she was and was instructed to take the elevator to the third floor.

The carpet was thick and muted the sounds of any footsteps or voices. Once again, there was a desk with a receptionist, who looked up and smiled. ‘Can I help you?’

‘I’m Amanda Greenfield – I’ve got an appointment with Tony Buckley.’

‘One moment please.’ She pushed a button on her computer and spoke softly into the microphone. ‘He’ll be out in a moment, if you’d just like to take a seat. Can I get you anything?’

‘No, thank you.’

A few minutes later a man came into the reception area and said, ‘Amanda Greenfield? Come this way, please.’

They settled in his office and Tony asked how he could help. Amanda explained about the piece of land.

‘Well, we can find out the answer in two seconds flat,’ Tony responded. He tapped at his computer and brought up a government website that he then logged on to. He asked a couple of questions about where the farm was situated and then showed her a map of Kyleena, the river and Paringa. She pointed out the piece of land in question and Tony tapped a few more times.

‘Mmm, it seems that the page is unavailable at the moment. I’ll try again. Five attempts later he smiled ruefully.‘I’m so sorry, Amanda, there must be a problem with the website. Are you in Perth for long?’

‘I’m hoping to head home tomorrow.’

‘Well, I can keep trying until the web page comes up and then put the details in a letter to you. Would you like a copy of the title when I find out?’

‘Yes please.’

‘Fine. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to answer your question here and now, but you should have the answer in the next week.’

Jonno and Amanda drove up the winding road to the lookout. Kings Park at night was beautiful, but Amanda was shivering. The winter wind had blown off the sea all day and she hadn’t been able to get warm.

‘C’mon, grab another jacket,’ Jonno said as he locked the car.‘This way.’ Their breath came out in white puffs and the frigid air made Amanda’s eyes sting.

They weaved their way around cement paths that cut through carefully manicured lawns and garden beds to get to the spot that looked across the central business district of Perth. The view was spectacular and Amanda could make out the twinkling lights of the ferry crossing the Swan River. They stood side by side, Amanda aware of the heat coming from Jonno, even though she was wearing thick clothes. She longed to lean into him.

Jonno pointed out significant landmarks until there was nothing left to show, then they stood quietly side by side and looked across the city. Jonno’s leg accidentally brushed Amanda’s as he shifted his position and she turned to look at him, colour flooding her cheeks as she realised he was staring at her. He reached up as if to touch her face then let his hand fall. Clearing his throat he said, ‘It’s pretty cold, hey? We’d better head home.’

The next morning, Amanda hugged Jonno and thanked him for having her.

‘It’s been so good to see you,’ she said.

‘I reckon I could be down your way before long.’

Amanda smiled and climbed into the ute, started it and eased onto the road.

As she drove out of the city, Amanda reflected on the last couple of days. The break had done her good and she’d been left wondering if there was a chance Jonno felt the same way about her as she did for him.

Chapter 45

It seemed the whole town was at the cemetery to farewell Kathleen Cramm.

Shock waves had flooded through the town when her body had been found downstream from Kyleena, and her horse tethered on the road.

Michael and Grace had been questioned at length by the police, but since neither of them had seen Kathleen they didn’t have much to tell.

Michael had been devastated by the turn of events. Even though he hadn’t thought of Kathleen for some time he remembered their time together with fondness and would always think of her with affection, but he hadn’t any idea why she would have been on Kyleena or why she would have taken her life nearby.

When the coffin was lowered into the grave under the tall, shady tuart trees, a muffled wail was heard as Anna Cramm’s knees buckled and she had to lean on Thomas for support.

After the final blessing, the mourners began to disperse. Michael, who was at the back of the crowd, waited under a nearby tree until he could speak with Thomas alone. He watched as the small group of family members started to move off and the men arrived to fill in the grave.

Thomas broke away from the group when he saw Michael waiting.

‘Thomas, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling.’

‘It’s a sad day, Michael.’

‘Why did she do it?’

‘Only she would know.’

‘Can I do anything?’

‘Not really.’

‘You know where I am if you need me.’

Thomas nodded and walked back to his family.

Racked with guilt, Michael walked back to the truck and sat there for a while. He couldn’t help but feel that he must have unwittingly played a part in Kathleen’s death. Why would she have come to Kyleena otherwise? Resting his head on the steering wheel, he began to weep.

Chapter 46

Amanda pulled up at Lake Grace to refuel and turned on her mobile. She had left it turned off in her glove box, only wanting the security of it as she was travelling. It started to ring almost immediately.

‘Mandy, it’s Sharna.’

‘Hi,’ Amanda said, surprised.‘How’s things?’

‘Not too bad, but I’ve had a bit of a problem with the farm. I’ve sorted it now, but I thought you should know. When I went out after work last night I found some sheep on the road. I put them back in your driveway and shut the gate, then did a quick run along the fence. Mandy, it’s been cut.’

‘What? Bloody hell! Is everything else okay?’

‘Well it’s a bit hard for me to tell, since I don’t really know what animals you’ve got where, but it seems all right. There’s still water in the troughs, couldn’t see any dead stock. I’ve strained up the fence again, with Scotty’s help, and the sheep are back in the paddock.’

‘Oh, Sharna, thanks for that – I didn’t think you’d have to cope with anything like this. I’m so sorry!’

‘No problem. Anyway, I just thought I should let you know. Are you on your way home?’

‘Yeah, just refuelling at Lake Grace. I’ll call in and pick Mingus up tonight.’

‘No worries. See you then.’

Amanda drove in a daze. Someone had cut her fence? Why? Apprehension built up in her and she pushed her foot down on the accelerator. She needed to get home as quickly as she could.

Several hours later, with Mingus sitting beside her, she turned into the drive, her eyes scanning the house and surrounds. Was anything different? At first glance all seemed fine, and she began to relax. She drove to the AI lambs and, in the fading light, checked them. Finding nothing wrong, she breathed a sigh of relief.

She checked the answering machine and found the red light flashing.

‘Mandy, it’s Adrian. I can’t get through to your mobile. I’m sorry I upset you. I was wondering if we could have dinner and talk about it?’ Beep.

‘Mandy, it’s Adrian again. Please ring me. I miss you.’ Beep.

‘Why aren’t you calling me?’ Beep. Tears filled her eyes at something gone so badly wrong.

‘Amanda, it’s Detective Burns here. I was just ringing to let you know the results have come back from the lab and we did find a partial fingerprint that definitely isn’t yours or your friend’s. The rest of the paper is clean, so I think we can assume that whoever sent the letter was trying to keep their fingerprints off the page.

‘Of course we don’t have anything to compare the fingerprints to – we’ve already run them through our data system and not come up with anyone.

‘From our previous conversation I can assure you, we will be talking to Slay Tyler, but at present we’re unable to locate him. The only thing I can suggest is that if you receive another letter you get in contact with me.’ Beep.

‘Well, Mingus,’ Amanda said softly, ‘this is all a bit eventful.’ She poured a glass of wine and, ignoring the chill of the evening air, went to sit on the verandah, breathing in the clean air and enjoying the sounds of the magpies singing to the full moon and their mates.

The next day Amanda found her diesel tank had been drained and she decided it was time to call Detective Burns.

‘So, we’ve got a rock through your window, a cut fence and an empty diesel tank?’ he clarified.

‘Yep.’

‘Any tyre tracks that you can see?’

‘No, I’ve been looking but haven’t noticed any.’

‘Amanda, there’s still nothing I can do other than make a report so you can claim your diesel on insurance. The chances of finding the perpetrator are pretty slim. I’ll fill out the report and give you a number and we’ll look a bit harder for Mr Tyler. But if anything else happens, call me back.’

‘Okay.’ Amanda hung up the phone feeling rather disgruntled. What were the police for if they couldn’t help? But at the same time, she understood his position. There weren’t any witnesses – or even a motive.

The next evening, as once again she sat on the verandah, having an evening drink, she saw Adrian’s car drive in and up to the house.

‘You haven’t returned my calls,’ he said.

‘Is there anything to say,Adrian?’

‘We could talk about it. See if we can work something out.’

‘Look, I don’t think we can. I’d like to stay friends, because I miss having you around, but I don’t think that’s fair on either of us. It’s better to make a clean break.’

‘You make it sound so clinical. Clean break? What about me or what I want, Mandy? I’ve waited for you so long and then you give me everything I ever wanted, for – what? An hour? I lived my dream for an hour! And then you snatched it all away without even trying to work it out. It just seems like you’ve been playing with me all the way along.

‘You seem to forget how you needed me – how I was your fix-it man, how I helped and guided you. Doesn’t that count for anything?’

Amanda looked at her feet.What a horrible position to be in. She did love Adrian in a way – just not the way he wanted.

‘I never played you along,’ Amanda said finally. ‘You know that. You started off as my friend and stayed that way for a long time. I never once led you on – you can’t possibly believe that I did.

‘And yes, you were dependable and solid and I needed that. I still do – but not if it costs me Kyleena and my work.

‘Look, I’m sorry you’re sad. I am too. I never wanted it to end like this – yes, perhaps I got caught up in the excitement of the ring and future plans. Maybe I should have asked you about the farm and work before I said yes. But at the time I didn’t think to. And I can assure you I wouldn’t have said yes to marrying you if I thought it was going to blow into the big shit-fight that it has. I would’ve said no and hoped we could’ve still stayed friends. Maybe sometime in the future, when the hurt isn’t as strong, we’ll be able to be mates again. I’d like that, because I miss you as a friend. Goodbye, Adrian.’

Amanda walked inside, gently shut the door and leaned up against it, breathing out heavily with her eyes shut. What a bloody mess.

It was some time before she moved and, when she did, she realised that she hadn’t heard Adrian’s car leave. She peeked out from behind the curtains and to her horror saw him sitting in his car staring into the distance. As she watched he brought his hand up to his eyes and wiped them – he was crying!

Amanda closed her eyes against the hurt she’d caused him. After a time, she collected the mail and sat in her father’s office, absently flicking through the latest farm magazine. As she turned another page, she came face to face with the photo that had been taken of them at Sharna’s birthday party.

She gazed at their happy smiles and ran her fingers over Adrian’s face, then she covered her eyes so the tears couldn’t fall.

When she looked through the curtains again, he had gone.

Chapter 47

Amanda raced to the house to phone her neighbour, Bill Hilder.

‘Hi, Bill, it’s Amanda Greenfield here,’ she announced breathlessly.

‘Good morning, Amanda, nice to hear from you. How are things?’

‘I’m wondering if you’ve seen about fifty White Suffolk rams? I went out to my ram paddock this morning and I can’t find them. I’ve been all over the farm and they’re not here.’

‘Could they have got through a fence?’

‘I’ve checked everything and I can’t see a hole, and there’s no sheep tracks or dung on the gravel to indicate that they’ve walked out the drive. So you haven’t seen them?’

‘Well, no,’ Bill chuckled. ‘It is only seven-thirty, Amanda; I’m still having my breakfast coffee. I lost some of my enthusiasm for early mornings when I turned sixty-five. But I’ll help you look for them, if you like.’

‘That would be great. They’re my sale rams – I can’t afford to lose thirty grand! I just can’t work out how they could’ve walked off the place without leaving a trace of where they’ve gone.’

‘Right, well I’ll be over shortly. Have you spoken to Adrian yet?’

‘Uh, no. I thought I’d try you first.’

‘Okay, I’ll see you soon.’

Amanda disconnected then tapped the phone’s receiver against her mouth. She really didn’t want to ring Adrian. She took a deep breath. But in a case like this you couldn’t let personal relationships get in the way, she decided.

‘Hi, Adrian, it’s Amanda,’ she said when he sleepily answered the phone.

‘Mandy!’ His voice was suddenly awake and hopeful. ‘Hello, how are you?’

‘Fine, thanks. Look, I’m sorry to bother you, but I can’t find my sale rams. I was wondering if you or Damo might have seen them.’

There was a silence as Adrian realised she wasn’t ringing to talk about them. ‘No, sorry, I haven’t. But then again I haven’t been out this morning. I’ll get up and have a look.’

‘Thanks,’ Amanda said appreciatively, then hesitated. ‘Are you okay? You’re not usually still in bed at this time of the morning. You’re not sick or anything?’

‘I’m fine,’ he replied shortly.

Bill and Amanda drove up and down the road looking for some trace of the missing sheep but they came up with nothing.

Amanda was beside herself. ‘I just can’t understand it,’ she kept repeating.

As they returned to Kyleena to have another look along the fence line, they saw Damo at the sheep yards unloading what looked like rams.

Amanda flew from the car and jumped into the yards, while Mingus leapt from the back of the ute and followed her.

‘Damo! You’re a legend! Where did you find them?’

‘They were wandering along Paringa’s riverside boundary. I just herded them into our yards and then loaded them onto the ute.There’s another twenty-eight back in the yards – I couldn’t fit ’em all in one load.’

Amanda quickly did the sums. She was still missing another fifteen.

‘Well it’s better to get most of them back than none at all. We can keep looking for the others,’ she said in relief. But realistically she knew if she didn’t find them it would put a serious dent in her bottom line.

When Amanda returned to the house that night, there was a message on her answering machine from Adrian.

‘Amanda, I’ve got the other fifteen rams you were missing in my yards. I’ll get Damo to run them over in the morning.’

‘Thank goodness,’ Amanda breathed. She could rest easy; her bottom line would be okay.

As she prepared tea, the phone rang again. It was Jonno. She smiled as she heard his voice and settled on the sofa to have a good yarn.

Half an hour later, she remembered with a start that she’d left a gate open into the river paddock. Regretfully she said goodbye, but carried the warm feeling of his voice and the rumble of his laughter with her as she drove across the dark paddocks, her gun by her side in case she saw a fox. The grass was covered in heavy dew and the trees were silhouetted against the night sky. She pulled up at the gate and jumped out then stopped and listened. Instead of the silence she had expected there was a rhythmic thumping, like someone chopping wood echoing off the side of the river bank. She started to walk towards the noise but realised it was too far away. After a while she shrugged. It was cold and clear, and sound could carry a long way. It was probably something going on at Paringa.

Amanda was woken the next morning by the phone ringing.

‘Amanda, it’s Adrian. I’m sorry; I have some bad news for you. Five of the rams that were in the yards last night are dead.’

‘Dead? What – how?’

‘It looks like tetanus. They died with their eyes open and it looks like they’ve been frothing around the mouth. I lost four lambs to it a couple of weeks ago when we were marking. Anyway, I’ve got Damo to load the others up and he’s bringing them over to you. See you later.’

‘Wait! Adrian, the sheep have to have open wounds to get tetanus. They shouldn’t have had anything of the sort.’

‘Well, I did notice a gash on one of them, just above the hock – maybe from jumping over a fence to get out. Look, I’m not a vet, Amanda, so I can’t really tell you any more than that. They’re dead. I’ve got rid of the carcases already – I can’t afford to have dead animals lying around to infect more stock. Damo will bring the others back. Goodbye.’

Amanda swung her legs over the side of the bed and let her bare feet touch the floor. She rubbed her eyes and tried to think as Mingus lifted his head from the bottom of her bed and yawned.

Dead sheep. No, not just sheep, rams. Five of them. A loss like that would make a dent in her budget and she still couldn’t afford that kind of loss.

Well, no use dwelling on it, she decided. But, hell, what a thing to happen.

Amanda waited around the shed compound until Damo arrived, busying herself with tidying up some piles of fencing gear and old iron that seemed to breed when she wasn’t looking.

‘Morning, Amanda,’ called Damo from his ute as he backed into the loading ramp.

‘Thanks for bringing these back, Damo. I really appreciate it.’

‘Sorry about the dead ones. Not sure what happened there. Boss reckons it was tetanus. He could be right, lookin’ at the way they died, but it was a bit quick. Tetanus doesn’t usually hit until at least three days after the bug has got into the wound. But I know the bug is around – we lost lambs to it a while ago.’

‘Not to worry. It happens.’ Amanda was pleased to see the others didn’t look any the worse for their adventure.

‘Thanks again, Damo, I’m so pleased to see them home.’

‘No worries.’

Amanda set the gates up to let the rams back into their paddock and then let them out. They were happy to see the green grass and, with their heads down, moved slowly through the laneway until they found the open gate into their paddock. One by one they ambled through and made their way over to the galvanised feeder which contained feed pellets that would help them put on weight for sale condition. With a sigh of relief, Amanda shut the gate behind them. She still hadn’t worked out how they’d escaped, but now they were back in their paddock she didn’t particularly care – just so long as they didn’t do it again.

Jumping in her ute, she turned and headed towards her oats crop. She had noticed, while looking for the rams, that it was beginning to yellow on the tips. Opening the gate into the paddock, she drove out, leaving a track of squashed oats behind her. Getting out of the ute, she bent down to inspect the leaf. It was yellowing not just at the tip of the plant, but all over.

‘Shit,’ she murmured. Frantically she picked one leaf and then another. She dug a couple of plants out of the ground, roots and all; they were all the same. Nothing she saw made her change her mind. This crop had been sprayed with a knock-down chemical.

Amanda put her head in her hands. How the hell could this have happened? She tried to quell the rising panic and think logically.

Slowly, her mind in a whirl, she drove back to the shed and looked at the chemical drums she’d used. They were lying next to the rainwater tank from which she had filled the boom spray. Every drum she checked contained the chemical she was supposed to have used. There was nothing wrong there. That could only mean it came down to operator error – she couldn’t have cleaned the boom spray out properly. The last time she’d used it had been when she was spraying a knock-down over the whole paddock. She’d used glyphosate, which killed absolutely everything – the good grasses, clovers and weeds. That sealed it: her oats crop would die. How could she have been so careless when she had been spraying for disease?

She went back to the house to try and rework her budget. Things were not looking good.

Chapter 48

A sleepless night followed, and Amanda was pleased when dawn broke and she could get out of the house.

Mingus followed her out into the misty morning, whining at the thought of jumping onto the back of the ute. Amanda was not in the mood for a whining dog.

‘You’re not coming!’ said Amanda more sharply than she would’ve normally. She walked over to the chain and stood there, waiting for Mingus to come, but he slunk around behind the ute.

Amanda relented as she saw his nose peeking out from behind the back wheel. ‘Okay, you can go in the laundry. Sorry I’m taking my bad mood out on you.’ She patted him and was rewarded with a huge smile and lick as she opened the laundry door to let him inside.

Amanda heated the engine and then turned it over, feeling the vehicle shake as the engine sparked to life and coughed a few times. It was cold too.

Impatiently she shoved the ute into gear and sped down the driveway and towards town.

‘Amanda, what a surprise! Come down into my office.’ If Malcolm Mackay was at all put out to find Amanda waiting in front of the bank so early in the morning, he didn’t show it. ‘How are you?’

‘Fine, thank you.’ She took a seat as he walked around and sat behind his desk.

‘ You’re in town early,’ he observed.

‘I know, and I’m sorry to barge in like this but I thought you should know that I’ve had a few problems with the budget. I’ve been over it, and over it and I can’t work out where I can make up the money that I’m going to lose. I thought that -’ ‘Okay, hold up a minute. What’s happened to make you think you’re going to lose money?’

The whole story of the oats crop poured from Amanda, including her anger at herself and the compounding fact that she’d lost five rams.

‘Okay, none of this is a disaster,’ Malcolm said comfortingly. ‘We can work out a new budget, which we’ll do right now. And if it shows that you need to extend your overdraft, I can’t see it being a problem considering the way Kyleena has been performing over the past couple of years.These are called setbacks, Amanda, and they happen to every farmer.’

‘I know that,’ she said miserably. ‘I just didn’t want it to happen to me. I thought I could perform better.’

‘No one ever wants it to happen to them – sometimes it just does. We can’t make it rain, or order the sun to shine when we want it to. As farmers we just have to take what’s given and do the best we can with it. And you do. You’ve made some really profitable decisions since you’ve been running Kyleena. So let’s see if we can sort this out.’

An hour later, Amanda left the bank feeling much lighter and happier than when she had left Kyleena that morning. She hadn’t had to extend her overdraft – in fact, the bottom line hadn’t changed that much, despite her panic.

Her mood dipped slightly as she turned into the driveway and saw Adrian’s car parked at the house. She groaned as she pulled up and got out of the ute. Adrian wound his window down.

‘Why are you here, Adrian?’ she asked.

‘I came to see if you got the rams back without any problems.’

‘Yes, I did. Thanks for sending Damo across with them.’

‘I’m sorry that some died.’

‘Me too, but not to worry, I’ll make it up in another way.’

‘I was wondering . . .’ He paused. ‘Would you like to go out for tea tonight?’

Amanda shook her head. ‘Sorry, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘Not even as friends?’

‘Not yet. Hopefully some day. But neither of us are ready for that.’

‘I can’t understand how you can just close the book on us, Amanda. You’ve really disappointed me.’ His tone was mild, but Amanda could tell he was angry.

‘Look, Adrian, I’ve just come back from a meeting with the bank manager. I want to go inside, have a cup of coffee, then get to work. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to leave.’

Adrian’s face flushed but, without another word, he started his car and left.

Amanda spent the morning updating her records according to the revised budget she and Malcolm had worked out that morning then, looking at her watch, she realised that the mail would have arrived. She threw on her jacket and walked to the mail box. It would clear her head.

The sun had started to shine through the breaks in the clouds, and after being shut inside all morning, Amanda delighted in the feeling of brisk air on her cheeks and the sight of Mingus galloping ahead of her.

Reaching the road, she pulled a bundle of letters from the forty-four-gallon drum that served as a mail box. Tearing off the rubber band that held it all together, she flicked through the envelopes to see what was there.

Near the bottom of the pile was a letter from the solicitor she had seen in Perth. She stuck the rest of the mail under her arm and opened it.

It was the title deed for the remnant vegetation grant. She stared at the name – it didn’t mean anything to her. But it did tell her that the tract of land wasn’t part of Kyleena.

Amanda sat back on her haunches after pulling everything out of the top drawer in the filing cabinet. Somewhere in here there had to be a clue about the mysterious owner of nearly two hundred acres adjoining Kyleena. And maybe she’d discover why her parents had lied about the remnant vegetation.

She’d ignored all distractions since she had returned to the house – the phone, Mingus – and was surprised to see that it was nearly dark – she’d been searching for more than four hours and still found nothing.

Walking out to the kitchen to get a drink of water she noticed the light flashing on the answering machine.

‘Amanda, it’s just me,’ Adrian said. Amanda hit the delete button. She didn’t want to hear. The way he was carrying on was beginning to unnerve her a little – she hoped he wouldn’t cause trouble.

She had just opened the fridge door to see what she might have for tea, when she heard a knock on the door. Mingus started to bark.

It had better not be Adrian, she thought angrily, as she went to open the door. ‘How much plainer can I make it?’

She yanked the door open, ready to give Adrian an earful, then stopped, her hand flying to her mouth in shock. She was standing face to face with her father.

Chapter 49

‘Hello, Mandy,’ he said quietly. ‘Can I come in?’

‘No,’ she whispered, beginning to shake. She backed away from the door. ‘You’re dead! You’re not real. I don’t know who you are.’ Her voice rose to a scream. ‘No! Go away!’ She buried her face in her hands and stumbled into the house. Her father followed, closing the door gently behind him.

Mingus approached Brian cautiously and sniffed his legs, then retreated uncertainly.

‘I’m so sorry to frighten you. I am real – I promise. Please, don’t be frightened.’

Amanda took her hands from her face, to look at him. She could feel her heart thumping, almost coming through her chest, and there was a rushing sound in her ears. She could see his lips moving but not hear his words. ‘It can’t be you! I’m dreaming. Please, I want to wake up!’ She covered her eyes again and began to cry.

Brian reached out and touched her briefly on the arm. ‘I’m real, Mandy. Touch my hand.’

Trembling, she put out her hand, ever so slowly and Brian covered her hand with his. Amanda looked at his face, his eyes, his hands, then took his hand in hers.

‘You’re really here?’ she asked disbelievingly. ‘You’re not dead?’

Brian shook his head.‘No, I’m not dead.’

‘Why are you here? Where have you been?’ She snatched her hand from his and backed away again, trying to make sense of his sudden appearance – which made no sense at all . . .

‘So where have you been living?’ Amanda asked. They were sitting at the kitchen table. It felt like hours since she had opened the door, but in reality it was only thirty minutes. She couldn’t seem to keep still, was agitated and jumpy. Brian, on the other hand, had a serenity about him that Amanda couldn’t ever remember him possessing. Between them was a letter that Brian had brought with him.

‘I’ve been out on the Nullarbor plains, working as a dogger,’ he said. I hunt dingoes, wild dogs and foxes – Doug the Dogger they all call me. I get paid in food or cash. Nobody really questions who you are out there. I do my job, they leave me alone. That’s how I like it. My life is very simple, no grog, no bills – two of my biggest fears.’

Amanda tried to think of another question to ask. At some other time and in a different situation, she probably would’ve found it amusing that the one thing – the one opportunity – she’d wished for, longed for, was sitting in front of her and she couldn’t work out what to ask or say. All the things she’d gone over in her head or said out loud in the privacy of her bedroom, all the words she’d wished she could say to her father, had gone. She couldn’t remember what they were, or how they were supposed to come out.

Her father filled the gap for her. ‘You’ve done wonders with Kyleena, Mandy. I could see it from the moment I came in the gate.The sheep are in good nick, the fences are well maintained – it looks like a well-run farm. You’ve done really well. I’m very proud of you. Congratulations.’

‘Um, thank you.’ There was a long silence and then Amanda said, ‘Dad, I’ve wanted to talk to you so often since you, um, died, but I never thought I’d get the opportunity. I can’t think of any bloody thing to say – all I want to do is cry and scream. I’m so nervous and happy, I’ve got so much I want to tell you . . .’ Tears started to stream down her cheeks again.

‘Mandy, it’s okay. All the crap we went through is done with. I wasn’t very well. I just couldn’t seem to bring myself out of the pit I was in.

‘I couldn’t look out of the window and see the good things – the lambs playing or the green grass. My wonderful daughter. All I could see was a great thumping debt that I couldn’t see my way clear of and a huge gap left by the person I loved most in the world.’

‘Were you still grieving for Mikey, too?’

‘Mikey.’ Brian ran his hands over his face and suddenly seemed weary. ‘You know,’ he said softly, ‘I knew coming back was going to be difficult for you, but I didn’t consider how much it would affect me.’ He half smiled. ‘I suppose I had the benefit of knowing that I was alive – you didn’t.’ He was quiet for a while as he collected his thoughts, then he asked,‘How did you find out about him?’

Amanda explained about the photo and the date on the back.

‘I knew your mother had kept that photo – I didn’t know where it was though. Poor, poor little Mikey. Never a day went past that I didn’t feel the ute hit him. He didn’t make a noise you know – just a bump. Sometimes I would wake in the night feeling it again and again.

‘Helena tried to convince me that it wasn’t my fault, but it’s pretty hard not to blame myself – I was the one driving the ute, after all. She was an amazing woman, your mother.

‘You know, being out in the bush, alone with your thoughts, makes you see everything differently – more clearly, perhaps. I was finally able to accept that Mikey’s death was an accident – just like your mother’s death was an accident. It doesn’t mean I still don’t have regrets deeper than the river, but I can think of the two of them now without a crushing sense of despair and guilt.’

Amanda searched her father’s face. He looked so different. His hair was tied back in a long grey ponytail and an unkempt beard covered his face. But she could see that his face and his eyes were clear, that he was free of the fog of grief and guilt that had surrounded him.

‘Um, Dad?’Amanda took a deep breath.‘I don’t know how to ask this, but I need to know . . .’

Brian smiled his understanding. ‘Did I fall or jump? Mandy, I don’t know myself. You were lying there unconscious and suddenly I just snapped. I didn’t know how I would cope if you’d died too.

‘I drove back to the house and called the emergency services, then got a blanket and some cash that I kept in the house – at the time, I couldn’t even tell you why I did that.

‘I talked to you while I covered you with the blanket, tried to tell you how sorry I was for the way I’d behaved . . .’

‘I heard you,’ Amanda broke in.‘But I couldn’t speak. It hurt too much.’

Tears welled in Brian’s eyes. ‘I’m so pleased. I often wondered about that. I want you to know I was sorry. I hoped that as time went on you’d understand why I’d acted the way I had.

‘Anyway, I was waiting for the ambulance, standing by the edge of the river. I could say that I wanted to die so I didn’t feel any pain if you died, but I don’t think it’s that straightforward. I just felt myself falling towards the river all of a sudden, but I can’t tell you if I slipped or subconsciously made myself fall. The cold water was a shock. For a while I just let myself be taken by it, happy to think that it was all about to end. But suddenly I couldn’t breathe, there was water all around me, I was banging into things – trees, logs, rocks. I couldn’t get to the surface and I was terrified.’

Amanda could feel herself holding her breath as Brian described the scene – she could almost feel the rush of the water around her.

‘I knew then that I didn’t want to die. I fought my way to the surface and then tried to get out of the river. I ended up about eight kilometres down the river before I managed to get out. And when I did, I hitched the first ride I could find to the Nullarbor.

‘Sitting in the truck gave me plenty of time to think about what I could do, and by the time I got out at Norseman I knew how I was going to go about living a secret life.

‘I like the life I’m living now – I never want to come back to Esperance. Mandy, you’re going to have to understand that once I’ve told you what I’ve come for, you can never contact me again. I don’t want to be found. Of course I love you and miss you, and I think of you every day. And maybe one day I’ll pop up again. But not for a long time.’

Amanda swallowed as she took in what he was saying.

‘Dad I don’t want to lose you again – I was so wrong in a lot of the things I did – I’ve been wanting to tell you, to apologise for the way I behaved.’ Her voice rose and she spoke quickly, stumbling over words. ‘Did I make you leave? ’Cos if I did, I’m so sorry. Dad, please come back – I’ve missed you so much. Your letters weren’t nearly enough. Why didn’t you sign them? I did wonder if they were from you. I know you were grieving and I was as well. My way of dealing with things was different, I wanted to bury myself in work, not have to think, and by doing that I didn’t give you the space you needed to grieve. I’m so sorry.’ Amanda began to weep, all the guilt and sorrow that she had hidden away spilling out.

Brian reached across the table to hold her hand. ‘You didn’t make me leave. I went of my own accord. I’m sorry I can’t stay, but when I’m gone, once all the emotion has passed, you’ll understand why I can’t.’ Then he frowned.‘I haven’t sent you any letters though, Mandy. I’ve wanted to – I’ve written hundreds of them, but they’ve all gone into the camp fire.’

‘But I’ve got a letter from you every year since you left. Wait – I’ll get them.’ She wiped her face with her hand and raced to the bedroom, grabbed them from the wardrobe and ran back to the kitchen, suddenly frightened that he might be gone. She gave them to him and sat down.

Brian opened the first one and stared at it.Then the second and third and the fourth. ‘I didn’t send these, Mandy. I don’t know who did, but it wasn’t me.’

‘So it is someone having a go at me, then.’ She described some of the other strange things that had happened, finishing with, ‘But the police reckon there’s nothing they can do.’ She shrugged helplessly.

Brian sighed and stroked his beard. ‘I think the answer to all of that might be in this letter. There’s a hut down near the river – it was where my father started his farming life on Kyleena. I don’t think anyone remembers it’s there now, but I’ve kept it hidden for years.That’s where I’ve been sleeping the past few nights, trying to work out when was a good time to see you.’

‘I found that when I was walking through the bush! I’ve been trying to work out if it’s on our land or not.

‘And, I heard something when I went to shut the gate the other night. I thought it sounded like someone chopping wood, then I decided I was being stupid!’

Brian smiled.‘That would’ve been me and it was part of Kyleena’s land. Now my father wrote me this letter not long before he died – he wanted me to know the family skeletons so I could help prevent any deception in later years. Once I read it, I took it down there so it couldn’t cause anybody any hurt, but I saw a photo of you and Adrian in the social pages the other day, and I knew I had to come and give it to you. Read it carefully – once you’ve finished, you’ll know what to do. Now it’s time for me to go. Give me a hug.’ He stood and held out his arms and Amanda fell into them, starting to cry again. She wished he would stay, but knew she couldn’t make him.

After a tearful goodbye, Brian once again walked out of her life and Amanda watched until he vanished into the night.

Chapter 50

Michael spent long hours pondering Kathleen’s death. He was convinced that it had something to do with their relationship, but he couldn’t fathom what. He had tried to glean information about Kathleen’s past few years from the townsfolk without it being obvious that he was searching for answers, but the most he could come up with was that she had gone to Kalgoorlie to stay with some relatives – health reasons, apparently. No one knew if she had married while in Kalgoorlie or why she had not returned to Esperance. And then there was the question of the little girl who had appeared at the boarding house not long after the funeral. She was a pretty little thing, the local gossips admitted. She looked like Kathleen, with long hair and curls, but the parentage of the child had never been discussed. That was not the sort of thing one questioned.

It wasn’t until Thomas Cramm sought out Michael long after the funeral that the reason behind Kathleen’s death became clear. He was now trying to put a plan in place to look after Kathleen’s family without lying to Grace – or telling her the full truth either.

Neither Grace nor Michael had returned to the place near the river where Kathleen’s body had been found. The hut was empty and they had agreed to move the orchard. Neither of them wanted to visit the area again.

Michael entered the makeshift abode in the end of the shed and smiled as he saw Grace bending over the stove. She was beautiful, and even though she had struggled with this pregnancy, it suited her.

‘How are my two favourite women this morning?’ asked Michael as he shut the door against the cool air.

Grace straightened and smiled. ‘Well one is still in the land of dreams, for which I’m grateful. It’s given me time to get the morning chores out of the way and start the bread baking.’

‘Well if our little one is sleeping, now’s probably a good time to raise something very serious I want to discuss with you,’ Michael said.

‘Oh! Do I need to sit down?’ she asked, smiling at him.

‘What would you say to deeding the land around the hut and the river area to the Cramms? I know neither of us wants to go down there anymore, and I’m sure that it would be a very meaningful site to them.’

Grace sat down slowly. ‘That’s some of the most productive country.’

‘I know, but it’s low-lying land – we can’t grow crops there or graze sheep if it’s wet. It’s really only productive if it’s not a wet winter. Most years we have much more rain than we need. And for their sake, a peaceful setting, surrounded by the beauty of the bush, is a much better memorial to Kathleen than a headstone.’

‘You’re probably right. I have no thoughts of returning to the area – I find it haunting knowing that she spent her last night there. And the river, even with all its beauty, is quite fearsome. The power it holds when in flood sends chills down my spine. The thought of someone willingly entering it is beyond imagination – and what if one of our children wandered off and fell in? Yes,’ she said decisively. ‘I think that to be rid of that area is a good idea.’

Michael didn’t let his relief show, but said, ‘I will go in to Esperance some time over the next week and see a solicitor to organise the transfer.’ He moved forward and gave her a hug. ‘You are a remarkable woman, Mrs Greenfield!’

Chapter 51

The next morning, Amanda, still emotionally drained from the time spent with her father, got up and turned the kettle on, then turned the letter over and over in her hand, all the while promising herself she wouldn’t open it until she was sitting down with a cup of coffee.

Heaping coffee and sugar into her cup, she turned to the fridge to get out the milk and noticed a full cup of coffee standing on the kitchen sink. Her heart started to pound as she glanced around the kitchen and then moved forward to place her hand on the cup. It was hot. Who had been into the house while she was sleeping? She was sure that it wouldn’t have been her dad. She knew with certainty, he wouldn’t be back.

Mingus lay happily by the door, so whoever had been there must have gone. Trying to subdue her rising fear, she grabbed the letter, called Mingus to her, and walked down towards her father’s old office. Entering, she locked the door and sat down, her hands shaking as she sipped the coffee.

Slowly, she regained her composure. She thought about her dad and the meeting last night. Trying to analyse how she was feeling, she realised that she wasn’t as traumatised as she thought she might be. Perhaps somewhere deep down she had known he wasn’t dead. Or maybe she was just hoping . . . Whatever the reason, she was overjoyed to have had the opportunity to talk to him, to be able to say everything she had longed to say, even though she was desperately sad to have to say goodbye.

When she had first woken from a deep sleep, she wondered if she had dreamed his visit, but on opening her eyes she saw the letter next to her bed and knew it had been real. She lay in bed with her eyes shut, going over every word that had been said, every smile and every touch.

Finally she turned the envelope over and lifted the flap. As she withdrew the letter, she recognised her grandfather’s writing.

21 January 1984

Dear Brian,

You need to understand what has happened in the past so you can protect the future of both our family and Kyleena.

I can still remember my first night under the stars on the plot of land that I had bought. I named it Kyleena. While I was full of hope for the future, I still longed for home. I was furious at your Uncle Charles for the pain he caused – and it was because of his actions that I had to leave England for my own safety.

It has to be said, my brother was not of sane mind. As the oldest son, he was of course the heir to our property; he would have taken it over when Father passed away. But he became convinced that he would be passed over in favour of me.

At first no one took notice of the strange happenings: dead animals in the field with their throats cut; Father’s best stallion dying mysteriously with not a mark on him . . .

Then, during a hunt, I fell from my horse – someone had loosened the girth so that my saddle slipped to the side and, with my foot caught in the stirrup, I fell and was dragged for some distance.

Thankfully I suffered only a broken ankle – it could have been much worse. Then a groom told of seeing Charles adjusting the girth, and we understood his intention – and what violence he was capable of.

It was decided that I would leave the country to see if Charles would regain his mind. Mother and Father booked my passage to Australia, organised for land to be available to me and sent money every month – it was my rightful inheritance, but I was receiving it while they were still alive.

While journeying across the seas, I suddenly realised that this would make me to all intents and purposes a remittance man of sorts – I had been quickly hustled away from England with the promise of an allowance. A man who, in that day and age, was to be shunned and despised.

I determined that I would not allow anyone to know the real reason why I had come to Australia.

Remittance man? Amanda grabbed the dictionary and looked up the meaning: ‘an Englishman in Australia whose presence was no longer acceptable in England and who was supported by remittance from his family,’ the Macquarie Dictionary informed her.

Surely, though, this referred to drunks or gamblers who embarrassed their wealthy family. They wouldn’t have been young men with bright futures, like her grandfather. She could understand why Michael had preferred to conceal his background.

She read on.

After I had been here for some time, I met a woman who was to change the course of my life – Kathleen Cramm.

I had forgotten how pleasant it was to spend time with an intriguing and clever young woman – and I hardly ever thought of my one-time love, Grace, who was left behind in England. I began to entertain the idea of asking Kathleen to marry me.

Then I received word from my mother that Grace was coming to Esperance. She had already boarded the ship by the time I received the letter. It appeared that Charles had threatened her as well.

I had loved Grace dearly, but in order to make a success of my new life I had put all thoughts and feelings about her to the back of my mind as soon as I had boarded the boat taking me away from England.

This posed a problem. Kathleen and I had been talking of plans for the future – how could I now tell her that another woman had a prior claim on me?

Of course I had to marry Grace – she would need to be cared for and protected in this foreign land, and since it was thanks to me that she had been forced to flee her home, it was the least I could do.

But what to tell Kathleen?

Kathleen was brave upon hearing my news. I didn’t tell her the whole story, just that I was going to be too busy developing Kyleena to continue with our courtship. I had hoped one day she would be able to forgive me and realise that I hadn’t used her, and that my intentions were honourable, but I’m afraid that is not how our story played out.

As soon as Grace alighted from the ship, my old feelings came flooding back – it was as if Kathleen didn’t exist anymore, as if she never had.

Your mother was beautiful and a very hard worker. If it wasn’t for her, Kyleena would have never progressed as quickly as it did. She worked as hard as I did, not only on the farm, but raising two children, Diane, and you almost by herself, and tended a veggie garden that fed us and others.

Kathleen disappeared for a while – it turns out that she was in Kalgoorlie, and that she had a child, a girl, though the father’s identity was a mystery.

I later learned she had turned to prostitution to help feed her baby and herself, until finally it all got too much.

Leaving her child with nuns in Kalgoorlie, she caught the train back to Esperance. It appears that she came to Kyleena and spent the night in the hut down on the riverbank, and then the next day jumped into the river to kill herself.

I am ashamed to admit that we found her clothes in the very place that she and I had made love.

I was in town for supplies a few months after Kathleen’s funeral when her brother Thomas sought me out and gave me a letter. It had been written in the last few weeks of Kathleen’s life. It was addressed to me – and it was unopened.

It said that she loved me, had never stopped loving me, and that her daughter, Rose, was my child.

Full of remorse and guilt, I felt that I had to do something to assure the future of this poor child who didn’t bear my name. Without alerting your mother to the fact of Rose, I persuaded her that we should fence off two hundred acres of Kyleena, encompassing the hut and part of the river where Kathleen died, and deed ownership to the Cramms.

I watched Rose grow up from afar. She was a beautiful child and became a stunning woman.

She eventually married a retired soldier who came from a wealthy background and they bought a farm not that far from Kyleena.

The rest of the letter was so shocking that Amanda found it difficult to read; she skimmed the remaining four paragraphs, and read:

I now charge you with keeping this secret and ensuring that Kyleena remains in the hands of our family.

Your loving father,

Michael.

Amanda jumped out of bed and flew to her study to look at the title deed of the two hundred acres. It stated that the parcel of land was owned by The daughter of Kathleen Cramm, Rose Cramm.

‘Bloody hell!’ she swore out loud. ‘Oh my . . . no, I don’t believe it! That bloody low-life!’

Chapter 52

The wheels of the ute spun as Amanda turned onto the main road and headed towards Paringa. She was so angry she didn’t stop to consider how she was going to deal with this – she just knew that she had to confront Adrian.

She pulled up at the homestead with a jerk. Stomping in through the kitchen she found Adrian at the kitchen table eating his breakfast.

‘You bastard!’ she shouted.

Adrian half rose from his chair with a stunned look on his face. Then, drawing himself up, he looked down his nose at her. ‘Why are you barging into my kitchen calling me names?’ he asked coldly. ‘Perhaps you would like to sit down and explain yourself calmly.’

‘Tell me,’ Amanda asked furiously, ‘why did your mother try to get Kyleena from my father?’

‘I’m sorry, Amanda, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you been taking your pills?’

‘So the two hundred acres that my grandfather kindly left to your family wasn’t enough for your mother – my father’s half-sister. She wanted all of Kyleena. Is that right?’

Adrian rolled his eyes. ‘I see your overactive imagination has been up to its usual tricks.’

‘Don’t you dare patronise me! And I can’t believe you were actually going to marry me, knowing that we’re cousins. What was your real interest in me? Were you planning to convince me to sign Kyleena over to you before we married and then call the wedding off? You’re a cold, calculating bastard,’ Amanda hissed.

‘Cousins, you say?’ Adrian cocked an eyebrow at her.‘Well, I’ll be! Do tell how you found out that piece of information.’

Amanda withdrew the piece of paper which had been enclosed with the letter and waved it in front of him. ‘All the proof I’ll ever need to bring you down for what you’ve done to me and my family. Rose Greenfield Cramm’s birth certificate. My grandfather was clever enough to make sure that she actually was his daughter before he signed any land over to your family.’

‘That’s enough!’Adrian’s fist slammed onto the table, his anger bubbling to the surface. ‘Your grandfather got my grandmother pregnant and caused her to commit suicide! The Greenfield family seemed to think that two hundred acres was enough to make it all better. That’s nothing. Guilt money, that’s all. Guilt money!

‘Do you realise that my great-grandmother almost killed herself trying to raise my mother? She worked herself into an early grave – my mother bemoaned the fact for years after Anna’s death,’ Adrian snarled. He rose from his chair, his face flushed. ‘No, I don’t deny we wanted Kyleena – we deserved Kyleena. But now it’s just me, I’m quite happy to sit back and let you make a balls-up of it and get it at a cheap price.

‘Of course, I was hoping to get it for free – but now I think having to marry you would have been too high a price to pay.

‘I can’t believe I even considered marrying you,’ Amanda spat.‘If I hadn’t been so scared and vulnerable, I never would have. So tell me, Adrian, while we’re clearing the air, how did you get across the river to throw the stones on my roof and whose car did you use when flashing the lights across my ceiling? And why fiddle with the taps that really hot day – trying to kill my stock, were you? Push me under financially as well as emotionally, all the while making a big show of being there for me? Is that why you killed my crop? I bet you were the one who put glyphosate into my boom spray. Did you kill my rams too? Bringing in the washing and all the other little tricks? Just to unhinge me? And what about the letters? Were they your handiwork?’ Amanda was so furious she could barely contain herself.

But Adrian just laughed coolly. ‘Your story is becoming rather far-fetched. Yes, I’ll admit I want Kyleena, but I wouldn’t stoop to stoning your roof! And where, might I ask, is your proof? You couldn’t even get the police interested in your story!’ Adrian sat down and resumed eating his cereal. ‘I think it’s time you left – and take your fanatical ideas with you. You’re obviously like your great-uncle Charles from England – quite unbalanced. Did you know that they hanged him in the end? He took on someone who wasn’t quite as weak as the members of your family.’

‘Oh I’ll leave,’ said Amanda, ‘I just have one more question: why did my father befriend you when he knew the history between our two families?’

‘Neither of us knew the history of the two families when we first met,’ Adrian said simply. ‘A little while afterwards, Brian received a letter from his father which explained the relationship between us. At the same time, my mother explained to me how shabbily she had been treated by the Greenfields, and we decided that we were entitled to Kyleena. Of course, when we spoke to your father about it he flew off the deep end and made it quite clear that we were never to return to the farm again.’ Adrian shrugged. ‘Not a great disaster; we just had to bide our time until we could get it all.’

‘I can assure you, Adrian, you won’t get away with this.’

‘That’s a hollow threat, Amanda,’ Adrian said airily. ‘I ask you again: where’s your proof?’

Fuming, Amanda turned on her heel and left.

But her anger had subsided by the time she arrived home, to be replaced with the familiar feeling of panic – she was sure that Adrian wouldn’t stop until he got his hands on Kyleena.

She burst into tears as she saw Jonno’s familiar ute parked at the front of her house. She hadn’t realised he would be in Esperance so soon. His large smile faded as he looked at her face and held out his arms, which she fell into.

After an intense questioning session at the station, Jonno by her side the whole time, Amanda was relieved to finally be back at home. She had watched the squad car leave the station for Paringa with a mixture of sadness and relief. Adrian was to be brought in for questioning.

‘Here you go,’ said Jonno gently, handing her a cup of tea and sitting down on the couch next to her.

After a while the phone rang and, nerves still jangling, she picked it up.

‘Hello!’ Hannah called down the line. ‘How much excitement are you having over there?’

‘Far too much,’ Amanda said. ‘But I think it’s about to finish. Detective Burns was heading over to question Adrian as we left the police station.’

‘I always told you he was a tosser!’ said Hannah, then lowered her voice. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Exhausted, sad, relieved . . .’

‘What about happy?’

Amanda looked over at Jonno and grinned. ‘Yeah, happy too.’

‘Well I’m pleased you guys have got it together. When Jonno rang me to talk to me about it, I told him how long I’d been waiting for it to happen. Have you got any idea how frustrating it is when the two people you love most in the world have got feelings for each other, but are too scared to tell the other person? It’s about bloody time!’

Amanda was about to reply when there was a knock at the door. When Jonno opened it Detective Burns was on the doorstep. Amanda told Hannah she would talk to her later and hung up.

‘Well, Amanda,’ Detective Burns said. ‘I don’t think Adrian will be bothering you again. He refused to admit any involvement until we hit him with the evidence of the partial finger print from the last letter. He must have got careless.’

Amanda closed her eyes, relieved.

‘We’ve got the courts to issue a restraining order against him, so he shouldn’t bother you again.’

‘How did he react?’

‘Oh, he was furious that we would even consider he’d done something wrong. And he was still angry when we let him go, but I think that was more because he’d been caught than anything else. Have you got someone to stay with you, just in case you have any problems?’

Amanda looked at Jonno, who nodded.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I have.’

The detective rose. ‘We’ve put out an AVO. Adrian isn’t allowed on Kyleena or anywhere near you. If he comes near you, you call us straight away.’ He held out his hand. ‘I’m pleased that we’ve finally got this sorted out, Amanda. And give us a ring if there’s anything else we can do. As for Slay, there’s no way he could have been involved in this. He’s been shearing up north for the past three years. He just comes back here on holidays to see his son.’

Amanda had her head resting on the back of the couch when Jonno came back.

‘I think Adrian will leave,’ he said.

‘Do you?’ Amanda asked, utterly spent.

‘Yeah. I can’t see the community being very forgiving when they all realise he was trying to terrify a lone woman into marrying him so he could get her farm.’

‘And I suppose this is where I should ask what your intentions are? Do you want my farm too?’ she asked, trying to make light of recent events.

The silence was so long that Amanda opened her eyes to look at Jonno. He had moved to within a couple of inches of her face. ‘My intentions are to love you for all of your life,’ he said and kissed her.

Epilogue

One year later . . .

Amanda, Hannah and Jonno pushed their way through the bush leading to the hut. It was a cool August afternoon and the trees were still wet from the rain the previous night. Mingus followed the procession, chasing rabbits or birds, but came to heel when called.

Hannah carried a bunch of white roses and Amanda had candles and food in her backpack. Jonno lugged the sleeping bags and camping gear they would need for the night.

Today, they were going to say goodbye once and for all to Kathleen and the devastation that had happened a generation ago.

They found the paved gutter and followed it to the hut. Jonno put down his load and helped Amanda take off her backpack, smiling at her lovingly.

They talked softly as they set up their camp then, on dusk, they walked to the river, Amanda and Jonno holding hands. Amanda threw a couple of the white roses into the water and murmured, ‘Kathleen, I’m so sorry for your tragic life and death. Pop and Grandma, thank you for your gift of Kyleena. I promise to look after it well.’

Hannah lit a candle and then she too threw a rose into the river.

‘To Kathleen, Rose, Michael and Grace and the whole sorry mess – I hope you all can rest in peace. Brian and Helena – we miss you,’ she said.

Silently they stood and watched the roses float down the river until they were out of sight.

That night, Amanda slipped away from the fire and walked off a little way to stare into the night sky. So much had happened to her in recent years and she still found it amusing that she was the exact opposite to her parents. She was the farmer and Jonno the journalist, but she hoped that now they could work together, uneventfully.

Amanda still wished her dad were home, but he wasn’t, so she silently toasted a star and wondered if he could be looking at the same one. The important thing was that they were under the same blue skies.

Acknowledgements

Blue Skies was a challenge for me to write. I started, stopped and started, came up against a brick wall, thought everything I was writing was rubbish, but I finally got my rhythm and kept going. My dearest girlfriend, Carolyn Middleton, was instrumental in keeping me on track, through endless phone calls, tough love and lunches. She also drew up a family tree for a family that didn’t exist! Cal, I love the fact you’re my mate!

Once again, to my mentor Jeff Toghill, your wisdom and emails have also kept me focused on the business of writing and Blue Skies wouldn’t have eventuated without you either.

To my wonderful husband Anthony and kids, Rochelle and Hayden, thank you for putting up with me when I’m in writing mode. I usually do make it through the washing in the end!

To the people who have helped me during the writing process:

Geoff Grewar, who supplied me with the ‘1917 Report on the Royal Commission on the Mallee Belt and Esperance Lands’ and a 1937 Agricultural Journal.

Don Voigt, who spent time in the Esperance museum with me, helping find the information I needed on the pioneering days. His book Old Esperance – pictorial history 1894 – 1947 was particularly helpful. It was wonderful see photos from earlier times and they helped give me a feel for that era.

Tom Riemers, who, with his wife Jean, is not only a surrogate grandparent to our children, but has a wealth of knowledge about pioneering times. (Although Tom did keep reminding me, that the time I was asking about, he was only two!)

Doctor David Swan from Swan’s Vet Services, who read pieces of the book for its authenticity, as well as Julia from Genstock, and Geoff Grewar, who did the same.

To my long-time friend Kate Biggins, who helped me with the paramedic knowledge.

To John Doyle, who was the winner of the That’s Life competition. I used his entry ‘Paringa’ as Adrian’s farm name. I would also like to thank everyone who entered.

Thanks to Mum, Dad, Nicholas, Ellie, Suz, Nathan, Mrs McDonald, Sharon and Ron, for your love, support and interest. I couldn’t do what I do without you all.

To Gill: books, good food and wine – what more could a friend need?

To my amazing mates, who have hearts bigger than the Australian outback: Amanda, Carolyn, Gill, Marie, Robyn, sister Suz, Tiff and Victoria (alphabetical order, girls!). Your help, whether it was babysitting, plotthickening, reading the first draft, editing or just being there, is the reason this book has managed to make it this far. I couldn’t have done it without you.

To Mrs Mackay, you are always there and I can’t thank you enough. Thank you to the whole Mackay family for allowing Mr Mackay’s name to be used. He was so very precious, as you all are, to the Parnell family (and now the McDonalds). Thanks also for brainstorming for the ‘right’ word, around your dinner table, when I just can’t get it!

To Nyssa at Nixel Web Design, thanks for all your wonderful work.

Shelley, once again, thank you for spending your time to edit – it makes a difference.

To Ali Lavau, for editing Blue Skies. Thank you. I love learning from you and it’s only because of your input that Blue Skies became readable!

I have been so fortunate to meet three wonderful women: Louise Thurtell, Siobhán Cantrill and Kate Hyde, from Allen and Unwin, who have not only helped me in creating the best possible book, but who have become people whom I’m privileged to call friends.

Thanks be to God for giving me the gift of writing and for being my saviour.