By Way of the Rose

by Cynthia M. Ward

Historical Fiction/Mainstream

Copyright © 2010

First published in 2010

NOTICE: This ebook is copyrighted. It is licensed only for use by the original purchaser. Duplication of this ebook by beaming, email, network, disk, paper, or any other method is a violation of international copyright law and subjects the violator to severe fines and/or imprisonment.

* * * *

By Way of the Rose

* * * *

By Cynthia Ward Weil

* * * *

By Way of the Rose

This is a work of fiction. All concepts, characters and events portrayed in this book are used fictitiously and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Copyright (C) 2010 Cynthia Ward Weil.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except brief extracts for the purpose of review, without the permission of the publisher and copyright owner.

Twilight Times Books

P O Box 3340

Kingsport TN 37664

twilighttimesbooks.com/

* * * *

Credits

Book cover design ~ Ardy M. Scott

Managing Editor ~ Ardy M. Scott

Publisher ~ Lida E. Quillen

* * * *

Electronically published in the United States of America.

Introduction

* * * *

There was a time, not so long ago, when a people of great love and respect for Mother Earth lived freely and in harmony with nature. Then came seeming “gods” guided by huge billowing clouds over the waters and into the People's world. This changed their lives forever.

Between the years of 1817 to 1840, five of the major southeastern tribes were moved west to Oklahoma Indian Territory. Yet the Cherokee Nation stood their ground, ignoring orders from President Andrew Jackson to disband.

The Cherokee Nation had schools, banks, churches and even a constitution and government. They wanted to remain independent, but this Nation within a Nation would never be. Until the very last minute they refused to disband.

The Cherokee were forced out so suddenly that many had no time to gather even the basic necessities such as shoes, blankets or warm clothing. The 1838 trek became known as the Nunna daul Tsuny, the Trail Where They Cried.

It is said that these mournful tears gave birth to the tiny white flower with its golden center known as the Cherokee Rose which still flourishes along this long winding trail. This Mystical Rose, springing from tears, was said to be an answer to the Chief's prayers for a sign to their people. A sign to give them strength and hope in a renewed life. From great sorrow came the purest beauty.

Chapter One

It was the beginning of fall 1838 and the evenings were growing longer and more bitter. The wind's haunting moans signaled the coming winter as it echoed through the thick Tennessee pines. A chill ran down Marion's spine at their eerie sounds. They seemed to whisper a foreboding warning to her. Something seemed to be lurking in this unnatural wind. She shivered.

The DuVal cabin, nestled within this woodsy valley in Giles County, was usually protected from the harsher winds sweeping noisily over the high grounds. But this evening they rushed into the valley, invading Marion's very core with fear. Yet she brushed it aside as she glanced over the room and smiled warmly at the peacefulness around her.

A soft glow of lamplight shone from the cabin windows as twilight wrapped itself around the world. Marion's cooking and the warming fire in the huge fireplace had the house cozy, warm and smelling of delicious browned biscuits and fried deer steak.

Marion DuVal was a small Italian woman with dark hair and eyes that were so brown they looked black. She was somewhat plain and lacked physical beauty but she was what Daniel called a charming and strong woman. Her manner and willfulness captivated this six foot, bronzed skinned, native of Spain. They had met when they were only seven years old on the ship that was bringing them and their families to America. Daniel had liked her immediately.

They'd settled in the same area, grew up together as best friends and married when they were just fifteen years old. They had four children by the time they'd finally settled here in Giles County Tennessee. Daniel and Marion both fell in love with this bit of ground. It truly was their sanctuary among the wilds. The small cabin was situated in a large open clearing in these dense woodlands. A marching row of evenly spaced fence posts, like stiff wooden soldiers, paraded and disappeared into the thickets at the edge of the towering pines.

The DuVals had lived here four years now and had settled into their daily routines. Marion fussed over dinner with her dark hair twisted into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. A few unruly strands had broken lose and hung over a somberly-set face which revealed very little expression. Despite the severe look of authority this gave her, or her no nonsense attitude as she went about her work, Marion's stern exterior belied a loving and compassionate nature.

Eight year old John sat at his usual place at the end of the rough, hand-hewn table where he liked to read. He was fairly glued to his book as he absentmindedly twisted on a lock of his black, curly hair. These thick curls were a trademark of all the DuVal children.

Unlike the rest of the household he didn't seem to be concerned, even with the lighting of the lamp, that although it was past supper time, his poppa and older brother, Daniel Jr., weren't home from hunting yet. Marion knew Daniel didn't usually stay out past dark because black bears roamed around at night and were almost impossible to see. She walked over to the window and looked out as the bone chilling fear gripped at her again. “What's keeping them?” she muttered. By the lamp light streaming out the window she noticed a huge opossum combing through the autumn leaves, searching for a morsel to eat. He paused and stared back at her with his sharp, beady eyes shining in the dull light and then lumbered away. “I don't know why they had to go off hunting when we've got opossum meat right here in our own yard” she huffed. “Why they spare such as that, I'll never know. Opossums are pesky buggers at best, and that fat beady-eyed rascal would make a meal all by himself. Eleven year old Agnes giggled as she worked on her sampler. “I've noticed that fat one myself. He's the granddaddy of them all. I saw him in the musky-dine arbor gulping those things down like a boar hog. I ran him off but he was back by the time I got to the house. I could just picture him on a platter all surrounded with sweet potatoes. There's just something about opossum fat that makes sweet potatoes taste even better.” Cora, who'd not yet turned two, sat in her highchair playing with her spool ring and laughing at her five year old brother, Nathan, as he made funny faces at her.

Marion, with her apron protecting her calico dress and hiding her expectant belly, returned to the stove and anxiously stirred the gravy in the cast iron skillet.

She shoved a lock of hair off her face as she took up the gravy and poured it into a bowl. Supper had been delayed long enough. “Well, Agnes, go ahead and set the table, looks like we'll have to eat tonight without those two. Supper won't wait any longer.”

“Yes, ma'am.” The young girl went about doing as she was told. Agnes was most always perfectly good and obedient. She tried hard to keep order and peace in the house. She was driven by the thought that everything must be pleasant and calm, especially when her Momma was pregnant.

“Move, John.” Agnes nudged him as he sat there hardly noticing her. “John, I said move!” She shut the book he was reading.

“I can't see to read if I move,” he protested, flipping the book open again and continuing to read.

“John, stop your fussing and move.” Marion turned from the stove. “Agnes has to set the table. It's supper time.”

“But Poppa and D.J. aren't home yet. Can't it wait?”

“No, it's coming up on bed time anyway. They can eat when they get in.”

John snatched up his book and reluctantly put it away.

“Temper, John!” Agnes scolded.

“Oh, be quiet. I've put it away, aren't you satisfied?”

“Settle down, John.” Marion placed the bowl of gravy on the table.

“Yes, ma'am... I'm sorry.” John wanted badly to go to school but he knew his folks couldn't afford it. Marion had taught him and her other children to read, but John, a born scholar, was the only one who was enraptured by the written word. In this wondrous world of words he was the hero. Often he had been Daniel Boone out hunting bears or Paul Revere on his midnight ride yelling, “To arms, to arms, the British are coming!” or he was Captain John Smith being captured by the Indians and saved by the beautiful princess, Pocahontas.

Agnes fixed Cora's plate as Nathan fussed at her about his unbuttered biscuit. “I'll butter it for you in just a minute, Nathan. I'm fixing Cora May's plate right now.” She patiently explained.

“Why am I always last? I don't even want it now!” He threw his biscuit at her. Nathan was the attention-getter of the family, cursed with an all or nothing attitude. Either he got what he wanted when he wanted it or else he wanted none of it. Agnes was kept busy trying to keep him from tormenting Marion.

“Come on, Nathan. Be good now. I've got your butter right here.” Agnes retrieved the biscuit, buttered it, and laid it back on his plate.

“I'm not going to eat it!” He defiantly folded his arms over his chest.

“Please don't... ”

“Stop begging him, Aggie. You're just spoiling the boy. If he doesn't want to eat it he doesn't have to. He can sit there pouting and watch us enjoy ours.” Marion took her seat. “Now let's say the blessing.” They all bowed their heads.

Nathan pouted through Marion's simple grace and as they commenced eating. “Nobody cares about me,” he huffed as he snatched up his biscuit and rammed it in his mouth. “Why didn't I get any gravy?” His words came out muffled through his over-stuffed mouth.

“I didn't know you wanted any.” Agnes dipped some onto his plate.

“Nobody ever asks me nothing, ‘cause y'all don't care about me.”

“You know we all love you.” Marion humored him. “You're just acting up because your poppa isn't home, aren't you?”

“I don't like eating without Poppa and D.J. here.” He whined through his nose.

“They'll be in soon. Would you like to wait and eat when they get here?”

“No, I'm hungry, I'll try to eat now.”

John rolled his eyes and mumbled, “yeah, it's Agnes who spoils him.”

“What was that, John?” Marion cut her eyes at him.

“Nothing, Ma'am.”

Loud footsteps on the porch boards announced that someone was outside, and in a gust of cold wind, Daniel and D.J entered the warm, fire-lit cabin. Marion jumped up. “Oh Daniel, where on earth have you two been? I've been worried sick, you never stay out this late! What happened?”

“We got caught up in a ruckus and it got dark before I knew it, but everything came out fine.” Daniel hung his coat and hat. “Wish we had carried a lamp or something to see by. I swear I felt a bear breathing on my neck a few times.” He shuddered.

“Oh, I could have taken care of any ol’ black bear with this.” D.J. patted his rifle before hanging it on its peg.

“Sure, I could have shot him too, but only if I could clearly see the booger!” Daniel chuckled. “We don't just shoot randomly at figments now, do we?”

“Naw, sir. I guess we don't.” D.J. turned and walked to the wash basin.

“Y'all must be starved. I'm glad you're both safe and that y'all made it in while supper's still hot.” Marion served them up a plate each. “What was it that kept you two out till these late hours?”

“Nothing but some slave everyone was looking for and they asked me and D.J. to help. They said they'd pay us to help them.” Daniel sat at the head of the table. “They thought the slave had run away. It turned out that he'd gone down to the stream and fell asleep on the bank,” he shook his head. “I tell you the truth, sometimes I wouldn't mind being a slave myself. There he was just sleeping away with his fishing pole and a bag of half eaten grub beside him.”

“Daniel, you can't mean that.” Marion frowned at him as she set his plate down. “The very idea that you'd even think such a thing!”

“Well Marion, wouldn't you like to have a doctor when you have the baby? All the Eastland's slave women do.”

“Not at the price of my freedom, Mr. DuVal.”

“What ‘freedom’ are the slaves giving up, if I may ask, Mrs. DuVal? The freedom to scrounge for food? The freedom to live in shacks, sod dwellings, or a cave dug out in the side of a hill? I ask you this, when is the last time any of us found enough ‘freedom’ to go fall asleep down by the stream?” He waved his fork in the air as he talked. A hint of his old Spanish accent flavored his thick southern drawl.

“Sure, we struggle, but we also have freedom to come and go as we please. If we did fall asleep down by the stream we wouldn't be hunted down like a culprit or an escaped prisoner! We have rights, rights that I enjoy and think all people should have! Wasn't that the whole idea behind this new country? Wasn't that why we all came here? Honestly, Daniel, you make it sound like a privilege to be owned and controlled,” she huffed. “How much did they pay you anyway? How much was it worth to them for you to risk yours and D.J.'s lives coming home in the dark over such nonsense?”

“Not a lot.” He slapped some coins onto the table. “Stingy old man Eastland ain't going to give a dime that he don't have to.”

Marion knew that Daniel was still mad about the day he'd gone to ask Mr. Eastland for a job because he had heard that their last overseer had been fired. Word for word he'd told her what had happened when he'd walked up to the large plantation house, a negro woman had come out to meet him at the steps.

“What's your business here?” She snorted as she stared down at him.

“I came to ask Mr. Eastland about being his overseer. I hear he needs one.”

“Master William done got another overseer. He don't need you, he don't need nobody now. So you can get on out of here,” she snapped.

“Well I didn't know he already had somebody. I was just looking into it.”

“You trash don't need to be lookin’ into nothin’ around here! So just take your business someplace else.” She squinted her eyes and looked at him sharply, “The less I see of your kind the better. I know you people come around to look and see what you can steal. I'm warning you, you take anything from here, our dogs will hunt you down and rip you to pieces!”

Mr. Eastland came out. “What's the trouble out here, Hannah Mae? What's all the ruckus about?”

“This poor trash come up here saying he wants to be your overseer,” the woman answered. “I told him you already got one and for him to go back where he come from but he won't leave. Um no, he's making all kinds of fuss! I know what he wants, he's seeing what all he can get!”

Mr. Eastland looked down at Daniel. “Go on away now and stop causing trouble around here.” He shooed Daniel with his hand. “Like Hannah said, we have nothing for you. Go on now, scat!” Mr. Eastland cut his gaze sharply at Daniel, “And don't you even think about trying to steal anything from my place. I'm tired of trash like you coming around and taking what you want.”

“I'm no thief!” Daniel's dark eyes were full of rage. “You have nothing I want except an honest day's pay for an honest day's work! I had no idea you already had an overseer, I was just asking, that's all. There's no cause for such a fuss and to look down your nose at me! I'm a man just like you are, and just as good too!”

“Humph, indeed!” Mr. Eastland twisted around on his black leather boot and loudly clomped back into the house.

“Get on outta here, you trash! Ain't you heard what Master William done said? You ain't no good, I sees it in your face. I know your kind!” She shook her broom at him. “Go on now! Get!”

Daniel turned and left that day without saying another word. Yet Marion knew that in his heart of hearts, he'd wanted to snatch that broom and beat them both within an inch of their pompous lives! “Thank God I'm not their overseer! I'd beat them all into next week! Me ‘trash’ when they act like pure heathen gods? As poor as I am, I know how to treat folks!” He'd ranted as he walked away. “Pompous bunch of Godless filth they are!”

Daniel was a very proud man and a strict enforcer of the family's moral standards. He put his family a cut above just plain old people or poor trash and to be talked to in such a way was almost more than he could bear. To turn and meekly walk away from such humiliation took everything he had in him and made him very bitter. This bitterness had begun to show in sour outbursts that Marion didn't like.

“I understand why you're angry, Daniel, but slavery isn't good for anyone but the plantation owners, you know that.”

“Deep down I know you're right. It's not our fault and it's not the slaves’ fault. Slavery's a blight on America. One that most American's don't like. It's just frustrating to me, that's all. It needs to be done away with so folks like us can earn a living too.”

“Well, when I grow up I'm going to end slavery.” John piped up.

“What are you gonna do, bookworm?” D.J. sneered. “You can't fight the slave owners when you're scared to even use a gun.”

“Guns can't settle everything, you know? Sometimes it takes brains.” John shot back.

“Everyone settle down now and let's finish our supper in peace. Slavery won't be ended tonight.” Daniel scolded.

After breakfast the next morning, John sat at the end of the table reading, as usual, when Daniel walked by and thumped the back of his book. “Do you think you could part with that long enough to do your chores?”

“Yes, Poppa.” John closed the book and laid it back on the shelf. He went down to the stream to gather the fish from the net. As he went he pretended he was Captain John Smith scouting out the new world for the first time. He watched all around him for Indians hiding in the bush and maybe he would even get a glimpse of the beautiful Indian Princess, Pocahontas.

The net was loaded with fish. John picked eight of the biggest and best then let the rest go free. After cleaning his catch, he took them in to be cooked for the noon meal.

“Oh, these are nice fat ones, John. None of us will go without plenty today!” Marion smiled in approval.

“Where's Poppa?”

“He and D.J. are down checking the traps. You can go help them if you will.”

John hurried along the way. Daniel and D.J. had already emptied three of the traps. There were two rabbits and a raccoon.

“Hey, Poppa. Momma said I should help you empty the traps.”

“Well, I'd rather you take these up to the house since you don't know where I placed the traps. I don't want you stumbling upon one that hasn't gone off yet.” Daniel threw him a gunny sack. John cringed as he picked up the dead animals and stuffed them inside. Daniel laughed. “Son, you are going to have to get over your squeamish ways. This is all a part of life. If they don't die, we do. A man has to do what must be done. You've got to toughen up, son.”

“I know, Poppa, but do I have to like it?”

“No, I guess not.” Daniel admitted. “Just so long as you do what you have to do.” He smiled. “You're a good son. You know, it's time you learned to shoot a gun, I'm going to take you hunting with me soon.”

“How soon?” John frowned. “Will I have to shoot animals?”

“Don't worry... it won't be today, just take those on home and be sure you tie the sack high on the porch.”

“Yes, sir.”

Daniel Jr. walked up carrying two more rabbits and threw them on the ground in front of John. “Take these while you're at it.” The lifeless animals hit the ground with a hollow thud; a shiver shot up John's spine as he picked them up with trembling hands.

Later Poppa would skin the animals, tan and stack their hides. He would sell the furs in town along with eggs, potatoes and corn. They would put the money up until winter shopping time.

They would also get permission to glean and pick the leftovers in the plantation cotton fields before they were plowed under. Going through the humiliation of having to, in a sense, beg tormented Poppa's proud nature. But Momma's forcefulness won out. “There's no need to have it plowed under when it can help us and the owners don't mind!” She would say. So off they'd go to glean in the fields. Momma would comb out the seeds and cord up yarn for thread. Leftovers were used to stuff the feather mattresses or as batting for quilts.

As the days passed, fall cleaning time came around. The pillows were opened and the feathers put out in the sun to air and fluff up. Sometimes there would be a tightly coiled wad which had to be taken apart. Marion told the children these were crowns. Feather crowns, she'd say, were caused by someone having a beautiful dream about Heaven or by someone's head pressing the pillow as they lay dying. Since no one had died they figured the feather crowns must have been caused by Heavenly dreams. John wondered if he'd had a heavenly dream and had just forgotten about it because sometimes he didn't remember what he had dreamed.

While everything was airing and sunning, the inside of the cabin had to be washed down. Floors, walls, beds and tables were scrubbed. The stove was blacked and windows cleaned. There wasn't a spot that wasn't thoroughly gone over before winter started. “There won't be a bedbug on the place now. I doubt there will be one within a mile of here with all this ferocious scrubbing.” Daniel chuckled in his throaty manner.

This was John's favorite time of the year. The heat of summer had passed and the field labor was over. The trees had turned colors and from far away looked like flowering bouquets. The falling leaves drifted on the breeze and coated the valley with a thick colorful carpet that crunched under his steps as he gathered the wild apples and hauled them to the back porch.

John watched Daniel and D.J. as they skinned and cleaned the deer D.J. had shot that morning. Daniel cut and placed some of the deer meat in syrup cans, then nailed them to the porch rafters. “There, that'll keep the wild beasts from getting to it.”

John really didn't care if the wild beasts did get to it. He'd had his fill of deer steak over his brief eight years and he was sick and tired of it. He'd never had a piece of beef in his entire life and chicken was for special occasions like the Fourth of July or Easter. Sometimes there would be a turkey if they were lucky.

Daniel had made a box over the rocks in the stream bed to hold things like butter and milk. It was like a spring house only it was a box. Before winter set in they'd pick the garden to sell in town and stock up for winter months. Potatoes were banked, apples dried, grapes and nuts gathered and wood cut and stacked. The fall garden was planted full of rutabagas, sweet potatoes, turnips, mustard, onion, cabbage and collards. Little care went into this garden. It fairly grew on its own, free of the weeds and bugs that the summer garden had to endure. By the time the cold set in, most everything was done, except for the occasional deer or other meat which could be hunted all year. Now they could settle in for winter knowing the hardest part was behind them. The day's work was done by early evening and supper was on the stove. It usually consisted of dear steak, biscuits and gravy or potatoes.

As the family sat around the roaring fire Daniel read Poor Richard's Almanac. Marion and Agnes worked on clothes for the new baby that was expected around the first of the year.

John was reading the adventures of John Smith, yet again, by the fire light. Daniel Jr. cleaned his rifle, his pride and joy, while Nathan watched every move he made in brotherly admiration. Cora slept peaceably in her trundle bed.

Suddenly there was a loud commotion on the back porch. Daniel threw down the almanac and jumped from his chair. “What in the world is going on out there?” He rushed toward the window. “Oh, sweet Lord above!” He shouted as he looked out.

“What's wrong?” Marion ran to Daniel.

“It's a blasted bear! He's getting the apples!”

John and the other children crowded at the window to see the bear as Daniel Jr. went to load his freshly cleaned gun. John watched as the huge black creature dumped another basket of apples onto the porch floor and began to devour their juicy sweetness. His grunts and the chomping of the apples sounded loud even in the cabin.

“What in the world is going on here?” Marion looked at Daniel. “Shouldn't the bears be hibernating now?”

“They're supposed to be, but this one obviously isn't.”

Daniel Jr. rushed toward the back door with his loaded gun in hand.

“You're not going to shoot him, are you?” John shouted.

“That's good meat we're looking at out there, so yeah, I am. One less bear to worry about anyway. They'll rip you apart in a minute and not think a thing about it.”

“Don't shoot it! It was just hungry. It hasn't done anything terribly wrong!” D.J. ignored John's plea as he pushed past him.

“Get out of the way and stop being such a tit baby!”

“Children, get away from the window.” Marion herded them back to their places.

“Don't do it!” John shouted at his brother who kept stomping eagerly towards the cabin door. “He's not hurting anything!” John ran to block the door.

Marion pulled John back as Daniel Jr. pointed his rifle through the door and fired a shot into the bear.

John cried, “You shouldn't have done it! You shouldn't have! We have plenty of meat and food. It didn't hurt us to share with a hungry animal!”

“We need all we can get. That hide will bring a pretty penny too. You're acting like a baby— grow up!”

“You did good, son.” Daniel patted Daniel Jr. on his shoulder. “And as for you, young man,” Daniel glared at John, “you are going to have to learn the difference between reality and your dream worlds. The reality is we can use that bear to make life better for us. It's shameful the way you acted tonight!”

“Yeah, little tit baby!” Nathan stuck his tongue out at John.

“No need for you to chime in, Nathan! I can tend to him.” Daniel turned back to John. “Do you understand what I'm saying to you?” John sniffled as he looked away from Daniel in contempt. “You look at me when I'm talking to you, boy! I believe it's been a while since you felt my strap on your backside, have you forgotten what it feels like? Do you need your memory refreshed?”

John meekly looked at his father. “No, sir, I don't.”

“Then a change of attitude had better be displayed fairly quickly.”

“Yes, sir, I'm sorry.”

“That's better. But I'm going to give you a lesson about the real world and how to be a man. I've let you slide too long. You are going to learn how to hunt and how to use a gun.”

“Daniel, he's not ready! You can't force him!”

“Marion, he's soft. You've coddled him far too long.”

“He's just a boy.” Marion blurted out. “But a boy has to grow up.” She quickly corrected herself.

“Now all you young'uns get off to bed.” Daniel ordered. “D.J. and I have to take care of the animal. Lord knows John isn't going to be of any help to us!”

John, upon hearing these cutting words from Daniel, bolted off to bed. He lay there listening to Nathan eagerly volunteering to lend a hand.

“Do I have to go to bed, Poppa? I'll help you!” Nathan begged.

“No, you're not big enough. It's your bedtime. Run along now.”

“But, Poppa... ”

“Son, I said get to bed! I don't want to have to say it again! What's wrong with you boys tonight? Can't you hear?”

“Yes, sir.” Nathan dropped his head in disappointment and slouched off to the boys’ room where John lay sniffling. “Why are you crying? You're stupid. If I was big like you I could hunt. It's not fair! I want to hunt and they won't let me!”

“Shut up! You're too little to even know what's going on.”

“I know what's goin’ on. You're a tit baby like D.J. says!”

“Just because I don't want to murder living things?”

“Because you want us to go hungry so you won't have to hunt and you don't want us to hunt either! You're stupid!” Nathan jabbed his elbow into John's ribs. “Move over and sniffle on your side of the bed, tit baby!”

“Don't you touch me again!” John pushed at Nathan as he flounced over in bed. While he lay there he felt Nathan's finger on his shoulder,

“Touch, touch,” Nathan whispered.

John shrugged it off and went to sleep.

* * * *

John was silent as he held the fence post straight while his Poppa packed the dirt around it. “I'm sorry, Poppa about last night.” John finally spoke.

“Son, I realize you're different, but you don't live in that world that's in your head. You're in this world and it's hard, I worry about you. I know you and your momma feel I'm too harsh and that I should respect the softness in you.” Daniel looked directly into John's eyes. “Your momma yearns to protect you from the harshness of life, she doesn't understand being a man, how important it is for you to learn the things I'm trying to teach you.” He shook his head. “She's going to have to let you face reality no matter how painful it may be for her. She must allow the soft gentle hands of you, her only scholar, to become rough and able to survive in this hard world.”

“I just don't think I'm ever going to be what you want me to be.” John looked away.

“Son, there's something going on in this wilderness that's causing strange and unusual animal behavior,” Daniel said. “That bear never should have been out this time of year roaming around. Especially not on our porch. We must get busy and put up extra provisions for this winter. Stack more wood. Gather more food. I'm concerned that the deer are getting scarce. I'm going to need your help, not your hindrance.”

“Yes, Sir.” John felt no better after their conversation. He could never win his Poppa's approval by being himself. He dropped his head.

Soon the meat was hanging in the little smokehouse which was not even as big as the outhouse. The many pegs nailed into the walls and on the crossbeams held the fresh meat. A hole in its floor contained a small fire that was smothered with wet hickory chips. This smoldering sweetness cured and flavored the meat. Over the coming days, while the meat smoked, a close watch was kept on the tiny smokehouse. Daniel gave John the task of adding the chips as needed. This was a chore he actually enjoyed. He liked filling his nostrils full of the sweet aroma that wafted through the air.

“Well, for a boy who don't like to shoot the animals you sure do like to sniff at ‘em smoking,” Daniel teased.

“Well, Poppa. It's different when I can't see their heads and sad little eyes,” John picked back at Daniel.

“I suppose you shouldn't be looking at their sad little eyes. If you enjoy the meat, you are gonna have to do your part to put it on the table.” He looked at John coyly. “Now finish up.”

“Yes, Sir.”

After he'd added the chips, John went inside and sat down at the table with his book to delve into that other world which only existed within its worn pages. Nothing from the real world could invade now, no chores, no guns, no hunting. His finger began to twist and turn his thick dark curls. He noticed nothing or no one. Not even Marion's huffing groaning as she knelt scrubbing the floor, “Bring me the soap, Aggie,” she snapped in exasperation. “I don't know what's on this floor, but it's not coming up.”

“Let me do it, Momma.” Agnes pleaded. “You look tired.”

“No, this floor needs some strong elbow grease. I want it done right.” She continued her task. Suddenly, She fell from her knees onto the wet floor, dumping the bucket over as she went. Water sloshed everywhere.

“Momma!” Agnes screamed as she ran to Marion. “John, go get Poppa!”

John had already jumped up. He ran to get Daniel who was out in the barn salting and re-scraping the bear hide. “Poppa, something's wrong with Momma! Hurry!” he yelled. Daniel dropped everything and ran to the house. He took Marion in his arms. “Marion... oh Marion! What's wrong?”

“The baby!” She cried. “Get me to the bed.” Daniel lifted her from the floor and carried her into the room where he laid her down.

Agnes brought water and a rag. Daniel soothed Marion's brow with trembling hands. “What can I do?” he cried.

“Just stay with me... there's nothing to be done now.”

“Just rest, you've been working too hard. I shouldn't have let you overdo. You get some rest, you'll be fine in a little while.”

“Daniel, the baby is coming,” she groaned in despair. She grabbed his hand as she screamed out in pain.

“No, it's too soon!” Daniel frantically denied that possibility. “You're not due for another two months.”

“Whether it's time or not, it's coming. Oh, I'm so scared.” She cried out.

“You rest, it'll be fine, don't worry,” he continued to assure her.

Late that evening everyone stood looking at the tiny infant. He was so small yet so perfect. “It's such a beautiful baby.” Agnes gently stroked his small head.

“I wish it weren't dead,” Nathan whimpered. “I could have had a little brother.”

John wiped the tears from his eyes.

Chapter Two

* * * *

The loss of the little baby boy they named Matthew devastated Marion. All she seemed able to do was lie in bed and cry. Some days she'd attempt to get up and run the house, but after a while she'd return to her bed in tears. Daniel didn't know how to cope without her. It was as if he'd not only lost his child but his wife as well. Daniel couldn't take it any longer, so one morning he went to her and said, “Marion, you've got to get over this. Everything is falling apart around us! The children need you and I need you!”

“Leave me be and let me grieve. My belly and my arms are empty. I feel so heartbroken. Just let me get over it. This kind of hurt will take time. I'll be all right, I just can't go on like nothing happened. We lost our baby.”

“I understand that. We're all heartbroken, but we can't stop living because of that. We have to go on.” His eyes began to tear. “Marion, your arms won't be empty if you'll just take us in them again!”

Marion pulled herself up in bed and looked into her husband's desperate face. “Oh, Daniel, what have I done? I've only thought of my own pain. I've shut myself away from you all and ignored your needs.” She glanced over at the door to where the children's sad faces were peeping in. “I have to get on with life. For the sake of the family I have to put this behind me.” The pain was evident in her eyes as she stood. “I'm sorry I've been so thoughtless, we all lost little Matthew, forgive me for making it worse on us.” She held out her arms and the children ran to her. “I am truly blessed to have you all.” She smiled warmly as she held them close.

“If you feel like eating now, I fixed a stew and some biscuits,” Agnes offered hopefully.

“That would be wonderful.” Marion stroked her child's cheek.

“It's bear stew, we didn't have any rabbit meat.” Agnes made excuses for the meal as Marion walked into the kitchen and sat down.

“That's fine, I'm sure whatever you fix will be delicious, sweetheart.”

“I fixed the last of the deer yesterday.”

“Well, this old bear smells pretty good.” Marion sounded cheerful. “Daniel, why don't you go hunting now. I'll be fine. We need more meat.”

“Are you sure you'll be all right, Marion?” Daniel looked at her in concern.

“Yes, I'm sure. Everything is all right now. It's time we all got back to normal.”

“All right, then. While you're eating, I'm going to teach this boy of ours how to hunt. He's old enough to start learning. Come on, John.” He took D.J.'s rifle and shoved it toward him.

“You're going to let him use my gun?” D.J. looked worried. He tended to his rifle as if it were his baby. “He'll probably fumble around and break it.”

“John's got to learn and this is the only other gun here for him to use. We'll bring it back to you in one piece.” Daniel nodded his head at D.J.

John stiffened up. “But, Poppa, I don't want to shoot anything!” His already large eyes widened as he looked at Daniel in horror. “Why can't I just go with you and watch. I don't need to be using D.J.'s gun if he don't want me to. That's his most favorite thing in the world!”

“Son, you're nine years old now, it's time you learned how to make a living in this world. You have to grow up and become a man. You need to know more than just reading books and pretending to be someone you're not.” Daniel handed John the rifle. “Now, get your coat and let's be on our way. You might even like it.”

Marion walked over to John and placed her hand gently on his head. “I know it doesn't seem like it now, but what your poppa is doing is for your own good. It's time you learned how to forge a living, no matter how bad you may hate to.”

“Yes, Momma.” John put his coat on, took the rifle and left with Daniel.

As the two of them walked along Daniel looked at the nine year old, tall for his age, yet struggling to carry the large rifle. “Just pretend you're Daniel Boone again. But this time for real.” John didn't say anything. “You know, Daniel Boone was a good hunter, just like your old poppa here.” He smiled down at John, who continued to sulk as they walked along. “Stop that infernal pouting,” Daniel scolded. “It's time for you to shoulder some responsibility. You can't spend the rest of your life in a dream world. Reading books won't get dinner on the table.” Daniel noticed the boy holding the gun tightly with both hands as he continued the lecture. “We could be using this opportunity to talk and have a good time, but you're wasting it by being foolish and pouting.”

“I guess it is foolish, Poppa.” John swiped at a lock of hair that the wind had whipped into his eye. Daniel noticed him quickly returned his grasp to the long, heavy rifle as it had begun to drop from his hand. “I will never be able to go to school anyway. This is something I need to learn.”

Daniel knew John was putting on an unnatural pretense now. A feeling of guilt crept into his heart. “I know you must wish you could let that thing drop to the ground and run far away from this.”

“Does this gun have bullets in it?” John ignored Daniel's sudden wave of compassion.

“Yes, it's loaded, so don't aim it at anything unless you intend on killing it.”

“Yes, Sir.”

As they came upon the old wagon road, they saw a multitude of Indians, wagons and mounted soldiers pouring through the valley. There were so many of them, so many wagons, as far as the eye could see they came trudging from the east. Some of the Indians walked barefoot over the cold ground, some had leather shoes and boots, but they all walked in a mournful and defeated slump. Very few had blankets drawn tightly around them. Many more had nothing but a thin layer of clothing between them and the elements. They were being herded like cattle by the warmly dressed uniformed soldiers who sat, like royalty, upon their saddles.

The dull hum of the wagons and the clomping of horse hooves along with the moaning Indians and their crying young made a sickening sound.

“Move back!” Daniel pushed John behind him and into the trees.

“What's going on? Who are all these people?” John tried to see around Daniel.

“I suppose it's more of those Indians that have to be moved to the west.”

“Why do they have to be moved?”

“There's been too many Indian uprisings. This was a part of the treaty for peace. But I don't think the Indian Chiefs knew what they bargained for.”

From the forest they watched as the downtrodden and exhausted people continued their oppressive march. The sick, old and babies were riding in wagons. An Indian boy about John's age walked with a limp. The wind whipped at his black hair, his face was dirty and streaked with tears as he stumbled to the ground. A large man with a copper colored beard yelled at the boy. “Get up and walk or I'll tie you to my horse!” The child just sat there, sobbing and rubbing his leg. He shivered in the cold. His bottom lip trembled as he sorrowfully wept. “I see you don't believe me, huh?” The man jumped from his horse. He proceeded to tie this child by the wrist.

“Jacob! You untie that child right now! I swear, you ain't got a lick of sense!” Another one of the soldiers yelled out as he rode upon the scene. The gold buttons glistened on the dark blue coat that was fastened tightly around him. He was of slender build with flashing dark eyes that seemed to command recognition even though he was of no higher rank than this heartless man.

“You think you're so high and mighty don't cha', Petterson? What are you gonna do about it if I don't?”

“I'll report your actions to the general, he's about ready to be done with you anyway!”

“Why don't you do that.” Jacob spat on the ground and mounted his horse. “You want it loose, you untie it.”

The man named Petterson jumped from his horse and cut the strap from the crying child.

“You ride for a while,” he said as he reached up to set the child in a passing wagon.

As the line proceeded, they noticed a young mother who was walking while nursing her baby. Her tattered skirt whipped at her ankles and her bare feet were caked with blood and dirt mingled together. A rough-looking vigilante on horseback reached down and grabbed the infant from its mother's arms. He let out a wild squeal as he tossed it over to a young soldier who laughed as he caught the screaming babe in the air and tossed it back. The young Indian mother's face was full of terror as she frantically ran between the two men, reaching, crying and jumping, trying to catch her baby as the men joked and watched. A tall and sturdy man spurred his horse toward the fray. He rode up quickly behind them and jumped from his horse. His uniform was that of a general and his presence immediately stopped the gruesome display.

“What do you two think you're doing? Give that child back to its mother this instant!”

“Just having a little game, General Fields, sir!” The young soldier grinned. “Ya know, Injun toss.” He snickered through his gapped teeth.

“You call that a game? You are a sorry excuse for a man, much less a soldier! You're relieved from your posts, the both of you! Hand the child back to its mother and leave here, now!”

“Dirty savage,” The renegade snarled as he thrust the baby at its mother. He looked at the general, “There, now are you happy?” he glared. His face looked like a rotted potato with a large sausage crammed in it for a nose. “You ain't nothing but a damn Indian lover! I knew we needed somebody else in charge. I'll be glad to go. Won't have to put up with your Indian-lovin’ ways no more! Maybe you need to be visited in the middle of the night by a lovely bunch of your precious Indians on the war path.” The General took out his pistol, pointed it at the man and said, “You've got to the count of three to ride out of here and don't ever let me see you again!”

“Good riddance.” Jacob pulled the reins, spurred his horse and galloped away.

The general pointed his finger at the younger soldier. “That fella wasn't anything but blasted vigilante trash! But you, son, you're supposed to represent the U.S. Army when you wear that uniform!” His eyes shot fire. “That uniform means something, boy! And since you can't respect it any better than that, take it off this minute and you get out of here, too!”

“B— but, General Fields, sir! I— I... ”

“I said get down from that horse, take the uniform off, and leave!”

The soldier hobbled away, humiliated, in his red woolen underwear and socks.

The tall, stout general picked up the boy's uniform, jacket and boots and walked over to check on the infant as its mother held it close. “Your baby seems to be fine.” He smiled warmly at her.

Weeping, she nodded her head as she stammered, “Thank you, for your mercy for saving my child.” Her dark eyes glistened with tears of mixed sorrow and of joy. The general wrapped her in the soldier's coat.

“That'll help a bit.” He tipped his hat to her as she walked on, soothing her little one.

Just as the general mounted his horse another fuss broke out farther up the line and he quickly rode off toward the commotion.

Daniel and John watched as an old Indian woman with long white hair collapsed. She shivered under her blanket as she bowed her head to the ground. “All hope is gone,” she wailed. “It's all gone.” An unkempt, flabby soldier with his jaw full of tobacco came and stood over her and spat next to her.

“Get up and get in the wagon, you lazy savage.” He grabbed her by the arm. “Get out of my sight!” She slowly stood, then walked, hobbling and shaking, towards the wagon. The man suddenly cut into her back with his horse whip and chuckled coarsely at the way she flailed backwards and cried out before hitting the ground.

Daniel grabbed John's arm. “Let's get out of here. This is something we shouldn't have to see.”

“No! We have to do something.” John jerked his arm free. “Those kinds of men are what we need to shoot, not innocent animals!”

“There's nothing we can do. There's no sense in watching it because we'll be arrested if we interfere or shoot at them. Come away with me. We can pray for them. Our hands are tied.”

“Why, Poppa? Why are they doing this? I don't understand. That was just a baby they were hurting... and that old woman didn't do anything wrong to be whipped for! I don't understand! Why can't we help them?”

“There's two of us and many of them. Who do you think will win, John?”

“Sampson slew a whole army with the jawbone of an ass and we have guns!”

“Yeah, but we don't have a jaw bone of an ass, so let's go.” Daniel tried to make light of the situation. John hung his head. “Son, I need more faith than I have right now and I don't want you killed.” They solemnly walked away. John looked back. Tears filled his eyes and he quickly swiped them away. Daniel reached out and put his arm around John's shoulders. “You know, you're a bigger man than those so called men we just saw. My heart swells when I think of how you alone wanted to plow into them with all their mighty force. I'm proud of you.”

“Yeah, Poppa, there were a lot of them. But I know those mean ones have no souls. And there were a few there on our side.”

“Those with no souls will shoot you dead.”

“Not if God don't want them to.”

“Well, God gave you to me to protect. He knew I would stop you. So we are still in God's will.”

“I understand Poppa, but... ” Just then they heard a faint moaning sound coming from just beyond the bushes.

“Shush.” Daniel held his arm out for John to stand still. Then there was a rustling. He cautiously edged toward the sound. Suddenly an Indian woman jumped up holding her swollen belly and struggled to run away. She collapsed to the ground. Daniel shoved his rifle into John's hands. “Hold this,” he commanded as he went to her. She clawed at the ground trying to get away. Daniel bent down beside her and put his hand gently on her battered face. Her eyes held the look of terror. “It's all right, I won't hurt you.” He spoke softly. “You are going to be fine.” Daniel lifted her up in his arms and carried her quickly towards the cabin. John followed as fast as he could while wrestling with the two heavy guns.

Everyone jumped to attention as Daniel burst through the door with this Indian woman in his arms.

“What's happened?” Marion leapt toward them.

“She's one of the Indians they're relocating. My bet is that she broke away somehow. Maybe she was left for dead. After what we just saw there's really no telling what happened to her.”

“Bring her to the bed.” Marion opened the door to their bedroom. As Daniel passed with the woman Marion gasped. “My good Lord, She's been beaten to a pulp! And she's pregnant too! How could anyone do something this vile?”

Daniel laid her down. They cleaned her wounds and talked softly to her until her terrified eyes closed in an exhausted sleep. That night she gave birth to a baby girl. Marion lay the baby in the waiting arms of her mother who tried to raise up but was too weak. “Sehoya” she moaned as she tried to pull a carved row of beads from around her neck. She looked at Marion and gestured toward the baby. “Sehoya". Marion helped her get the beads from around her neck. The mother weakly smiled and placed them over the infant's head and held the baby close to her breast. The child had hardly warmed her mother's arms before the woman went limp and her eyes glazed over. Marion stared in shock and disbelief.

“Oh, my good Lord above, Daniel, she's dead! I— I think she's dead!” They watched the baby squirming and searching for her mother's milk. The tiny infant began whimpering. Daniel bent over, closed the woman's eyes and picked up the baby. He held her toward Marion.

“She's hungry. You still have our little one's milk. You can nurse her.”

“I couldn't possibly.” Marion clasped her chest. “This is the milk meant for our baby. I can't feed our child's milk to an Indian.”

“This baby doesn't know anything about being an Indian, it's hungry. Our baby is gone.”

“I've never suckled any child but my own.” Marion continued to protect her breast. “It's just not right.”

John looked at his mother. “Momma, if I had died when I was born I would be glad if you fed my milk to a hungry baby, no matter what kind of baby it was.” Marion looked from John to Daniel to the dead woman as she relaxed her grasp and took the infant in her arms. She sat down and held the baby to her breast. She stared down at the infant. Its dark eyes looked around as if they were examining their new world. Perhaps they were. This tiny being seemed so knowing and bright. She seemed as if she would never be content to let others tell her what this world was all about. She'd have to see it for herself. Marion looked natural nursing this baby and the terrible loneliness for her own baby appeared to ease as she softly sang to the infant girl.

“She hung on just long enough to bring her baby into the world.” Daniel breathed despairingly. “And what a world she brought it into.”

“What are we going to do with her?” Marion asked. “You saw what they did to the mother.”

“You're right. This baby has no chance in this world as an Indian. We will have to raise her as our own. Everyone will think it's the one we lost. Everyone knew we were expecting a baby around this time.”

“The children will know the truth. Suppose they let something slip about her. What do you think will happen to us?” Marion looked worried.

John pleaded for the baby again. “But, Momma, there's a reason she came to us, and we shouldn't turn our backs on her. None of us will talk.” He stroked the baby's hand as she wrapped her tiny fist around his finger. “It's like she's holding on to me for protection. What if those mean people get her and toss her around like they did that other baby? We need to keep her here with us to keep her safe,” he urged through his tears.

They named her Sarah Elizabeth. Marion put the beads away. She would give them to Sarah when she was older... when she told her about her real mother.

They buried the Indian woman beside little Matthew. “She will be with my baby and I will be with hers,” Marion sighed.

Chapter Three

* * * *

Five years had passed since Sarah arrived. John's place at the table was most always empty these days. “Why have you stopped reading, John? You love it so. Has something happened?” Marion questioned him.

“No, Momma. Nothing's happened. It's just that I've read those books so many times that I'm just not interested in them anymore. I want to know something new. I want to read something different and exciting. I want to learn other things besides just what those books hold. I can quote them word for word now, so why even bother reading them?”

“I do understand. I wish we could afford to buy you some new ones, but things are tight... as always. You know that.”

“Yes, I know, Momma. But I get so tired of never having anything. It's like Poppa says, if you're not rich or own a big plantation, there's nothing for you in these parts. I hate it down here! I want to leave, go north and get a job so we can all have fine things. Things like books, clothes and good food. We eat nothing but rabbit, fish and deer. I'm tired of it! I'm tired of seeing you struggle and still have nothing!”

“You're only fourteen years old. How can you think of leaving home at such a young age? What kind of job do you think a mere child could get?”

“You and Poppa were married at fifteen. I can at least get a job and send money home. I know I can.”

“Wait until you're fifteen and we'll talk more about it then.”

“But, Momma... ”

“I said wait, John. I need you here. We only have you to help out with the hard work now that D.J. has married and left home. Nathan isn't strong enough. You're the only boy we have that's big enough to really help out. I'm asking you, for me, to wait until Nathan is bigger.”

“All right, I'll wait. I know the work is hard on Poppa and you. I'll stay until Nathan is bigger and can take my place. But then, I'm going to New York and I'm going to get a good paying job and I'll buy you a big house and some people to help you out.”

“The house sounds fine, John. But you know I don't believe in slavery and I could never own anyone. You'd buy them, I'd set them free.”

“Well, I wasn't talking about getting you slaves, but hired servants. But, you know momma, that would be something to think on. You've got a great idea!”

“What?”

“I could get rich, buy slaves and then set them free.” He smiled brightly.

“That sounds like a wonderful plan to me. Keep dreaming big, my boy. You're going to make a difference in this old world, I just know it.”

Sometimes, when the weather was fair, John took Sarah and snuck up to the school house. They'd sit under one of its open windows and listen to the lessons being taught. Other times they went to the general store and browsed through the book stock. John would hand Sarah a colorful picture book to look over as he read.

“How are you and your little shadow doing this fine day?” Mr. Hamilton, the store owner, asked as they sat there looking at the books.

John smiled as he nodded, “Pretty good, sir. Just stopped in to see if you have anything new.”

“That's fine, John,” Mr. Hamilton looked over the rim of his round spectacles, “just don't dog-ear the pages, folks won't buy them if you do.” He handed Sarah a piece of candy. “Here you are, little miss.” She laid it to the side as she continued to gaze upon the pretty pictures. “I declare, John, if she ain't just like you about the books.” He chuckled. “You know, you should help me with the ordering, I never know what to stock. You can help me by telling me which titles are best and what folks around here might want to read. It sure would be a favor to me if you would.” The store keeper, sympathetic to John's appetite for books, knew that by doing this, he'd be sure to get the titles that John wanted.

“Do you mean it, sir?” John's eyes widened in excitement. “I would be so happy to help!”

“Then take this catalog home when you leave today and go over it. You can make out the order. I'll trust you to stock good books for me.”

“How many do you need?”

“Right now, just a few. Maybe three or four. But keep an eye out and when the stock goes down order again. It's your job to keep my book shelves stocked. For payment, you can read all you want just so long as you take good care of them.”

“I will, sir! Oh, I will! Thank you!”

“No, thank you. You're doing me a great favor.” Mr. Hamilton's gray-blue eyes twinkled.

That evening when they started home, John handed the book catalog to Sarah and proudly hoisted her upon his back. “Hold on to that, my Princess. Now we're going to have any book we want to look at!” He bounced along the way as Sarah giggled in delight. “We can have anything we want!”

“We can have anything?” Sarah's voice squeaked in excitement while her large brown eyes sparkled. Sarah was a happy child and an adventurous and bright spirit that intensified at good news such as this.

“Well, any book and that's like having anything because books have everything in them!”

“Even a book about fairies?” She peeked around his shoulder.

“I bet there's books out there about fairies, sure!”

“I want a book about fairies then,” she exclaimed.

“All right, sweetie, we'll get one for you.”

That night John went over the catalog searching for books. He found a book called Fairies of the Fields for Sarah and wrote it down on the order form. “What cha’ got there?” Nathan snatched the form from John.

“I'm trying to order books for the store. I can order what I want to read.”

“You want to read about fairies?” He burst out laughing as he threw the order form back down to John. “You are such a girlie, little tit baby!”

“Shut up and leave me alone! That's for Sarah.”

“Sarah can't even read, fairy boy! I know who it's for.”

John jumped up and pushed Nathan. “Shut up and leave me alone!”

“Momma, John pushed me!”

“Who's the little tit baby now? Tattle tale!”

“You two need to settle down!” Agnes scolded. “Momma's busy. Can't you two get along for a few minutes at least? Nathan, you know that book is for Sarah. You're just looking for a fuss!”

Sarah came into the room. “John, I'm ready for bed now, will you tell me a story?”

“Sure I will. Come on.” He smiled as he took her small hand and led her to her bed.

Nathan rolled his eyes as he whispered, “Field pansy.”

The deeper the bond between John and Sarah grew, the deeper Nathan's resentment seemed to grow. He could not understand why Sarah was so special to John or why he was always taking up for that Indian foundling and ignoring him, his own brother? It just wasn't right!

John did feel a deep responsibility toward Sarah because of the way he and Daniel had found her mother and everything they had seen that dreadful winter day. He felt that Sarah was sent here for him to protect. She was his very own Little Princess Pocahontas, and he would do anything to protect her.

John lifted Sarah into bed beside Cora May and told her the usual goodnight story. She drifted to sleep listening to the sound of his voice. John ended the story and kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams, Princess,” he whispered.

As he tip-toed out of the room he glanced down at the twins in their trundle bed. Bettie Lynn and Jennie Lee had been born a little over two years ago and Sarah seemed to adore them. John thought it was cute how big she acted with them. She didn't have to sleep in the trundle bed anymore and had moved up to the big bed with Agnes and Cora.

In the morning, after the chores were all done, John took Sarah and walked into town to give the order for the books to Mr. Hamilton.

“Good morning, young'uns. How's things?”

“Fine, Sir. I have the order form ready.” He handed it over the smooth, cypress counter, that was polished to a keen shine. “Now we'd like to finish the book we were looking at yesterday.”

“Fine, fine. I'll get this order out today.”

Mr. Hamilton enjoyed watching them as they eagerly devoured book after book. Seeing the desire in John and Sarah, and other children like them, inspired Mr. Hamilton to provide as much opportunity as he could. In fact, he voiced his opinions about building a library at every town meeting. “Children are our future and when we see an eager young mind struggling just to get a single book it should make all of us, as Christians, feel an obligation to them,” he said. “We should build a town library.”

“I have enough to tend to with my own. I can't pamper the world. My children are my future!” Mr. Eastland fired back. “This has nothing to do with Christianity. I give to worthy causes. If it were for food or clothing I wouldn't hesitate to offer up some help, but books are a luxury, pure and simple!”

“I don't expect you to understand, Eastland. But I believe everyone should have the same opportunities for learning. A public library is what this town needs. It would help bridge the gap between the wealthy and the poor. If anyone has a desire to learn it should be encouraged. It should be nourished, allowed to grow! I know some of you rich folks don't believe in bridging that gap. That's why you won't allow your slaves to read.”

Mr. Eastland laughed. “I can just see us all sitting our slaves under a shade tree with a book and pitcher of iced tea! What will your mind concoct next, Mr. Hamilton? How much of my crops would get sown or reaped?”

“Very well then, if that's how you feel, you don't have to help. There are more people in this town with money besides just you and I will put up fifty of my own dollars! Anyone else want to help me?”

Mr. Hamilton's generosity was just the spur everyone needed. The outpouring of support was overwhelming and in just a few months a small building had been completed and fully stocked with donated books, magazines, almanacs, recipes and even dress patterns. There were so many donations that they thought there might have to be an addition to their little building. Now everyone had a wide selection of free books right at their fingertips!

What a truly wonderful thing a library was! John and Sarah spent hours there. The library was like their own fantasy world. It held stories about brave knights and dragons; beautiful princesses and noble young heroes; just about anything to feed the imagination or build their scholastic desires could be found here.

John and Sarah's trips into town were now even more frequent and much longer. Nathan was all but forgotten by John. It wasn't like they were ever friendly toward one another anyway and for Nathan, it seemed to be an even bigger kick in the face. He acted out in anger toward everything and everyone. John and he were just too different. Nathan loved to hunt and fish, run, jump and climb trees. If he and John had not been brothers they would have never known the other existed.

As a result, Nathan tried to make Cora as much like a boy as his parents would allow. At only seven years old she had become quite the tomboy and didn't even mind baiting her own hook when they went fishing. She liked making sling shots, shooting at targets, climbing trees and tagging along after Nathan. But Daniel and Marion would not let her go hunting no matter how much she and Nathan both begged. She was too young, beside the fact that hunting was too dangerous and was strictly forbidden for any daughter of the DuVals. Nathan hated that Cora wasn't a boy, she would have been a perfect brother. He thought it terribly unfair that even when they took in an outsider it was not only a girl, but an Indian girl! If they were going to take in foundlings, why couldn't it have been a boy? A real brother for him?

John and Sarah were in the library as usual. “What book do you want to hear today?” he asked.

She pointed to a book and said. “I want to hear that one, Mr. Elf Goes to Town.” She pointed eagerly.

“Did you read that? Or did I already tell you about it?” John was surprised.

“I read it.”

“Can you read this one?” He pulled a book from the shelf.

“Yes... To Town We Go.”

John was laughing as he picked her up and swung her around. “That's my smart little Princess! I didn't even know you could read! It just snuck up on me! How long have you been able to read, Sweetie?”

“I don't know when I knew... I just know.”

“My goodness! There's no holding you back, is there?” John was bursting with pride; his little princess knew how to read!

On their way home John took Sarah by Mr. Hamilton's. He wanted her to show what she could do. He swung her from his back to the store porch and walked in holding her hand. “Mr. Hamilton, you've got to hear this. She's only five but she can read.” He proudly boasted. He picked a book from the store shelf. “Read this for Mr. Hamilton.”

Sarah nervously twisted then softly spoke. “I don't know big words.” She paused and her eyes lit up brightly, “but I can read that!” She pointed to a sign. “Apples four for two cents,” she proudly stated.

“Well, if that don't beat all. She's a sharp one, just like you, John. Looks like you're rubbing off on her good. But then, I guess you'd expect that, the way she's always glued to you.”

John was brimming over. He rushed home to show everyone Sarah's new skill.

“Well, John, if that ain't just the nut in the praline of your life.” Nathan scowled in a sarcastic sneer. “We've been out working all day while you've been off playing with Sarah in the library.”

“Hey now, I do my share around here.”

“Your share? Oh, I forgot, you and Sarah did go out picking flowers to make the cabin all pretty. You'll never be a man, you little field pansy.”

“Hey now, that's enough. You two are upsetting the whole house!” Agnes spoke to them sharply. “Stop your arguing!”

But John ignored her as he looked at Nathan and smarted back. “I also chopped wood and set the traps. You're just mad because I do other things. If I get all my work done it's none of your business what else I do.”

“Yeah, and the rest of us get our work done and then help out wherever we can. We all do more than what is expected of us but you go play.”

“I don't call your fishing and hunting work exactly. You and Cora just sitting on the river bank isn't work at all and neither is toting a gun through the woods looking for animals to kill.”

“At least something comes from my time off. Didn't you eat the fish I caught and the rabbit I shot? My ‘playing', as you call it, produces something around here. You know, something useful!”

“Well, something comes from reading too. Education isn't something to take lightly. Without education we're no better than the animals you like to shoot. Why do you think Momma tried to make you learn to read?”

“Like Poppa says, when your education puts food on the table, then I will consider it worth something. Sarah is old enough to help too. She could watch the twins some times for momma and help her out. But that injun foundling ain't worth nothing!”

Marion slammed the knife and the potato she was peeling down on the table. “Nathan! You watch yourself, young man. It isn't your place to lay out the rules for everyone around here. Who gave you the right to talk like that? Just suppose someone outside heard you say such? You know what is expected of you when it comes to that matter. You best not let those words cross your lips again! You endanger all of our lives with your hot headed-remarks.”

Nathan stormed out of the cabin, slamming the door hard behind him. Sarah looked up at John with her big brown eyes and tugged at his shirt sleeve.

“What's an Injun findling?” She asked.

“Don't you let it bother you, Sarah honey. Nathan doesn't know what he's talking about. He is a jealous nit-wit. It's best if you just forget about anything he says.”

“Agnes, finish washing the potatoes.” Marion stood up and went out after Nathan. She didn't like to let bad feelings stir for too long. John felt bad about fussing because he knew how it upset her, but Nathan seemed to thrive on riling him.

“You two are getting too old for this childish behavior! Y'all upset Momma all the time. You two put nothing but torment on her! You could at least try.”

“I do try, Aggie. You know I do.”

“I see who starts it, John. But you should ignore him. Think of Momma. I don't know what she's going to do when I'm not here to help.”

“Where are you going?”

“Well, Paul O'Leary and I are getting married soon. He's asking Poppa for my hand tomorrow. I want to marry him, but I hate to leave Momma. Especially if I can't count on you to keep the peace. I know I can't count on Nathan. He's hard to reach. All he sees is his own little world. But you, John, you have a deeper understanding of things. You should be able to overcome his stupidity. It is stupidity, you know?”

“I'll try harder, Aggie. I promise. Go, get married with a clear conscience.” He hugged his sister. “Where will you two live? Doesn't he stay with his folks?”

“We're moving west right after the wedding. There's free land out there. All we have to do is stake our claim.”

“So far away? You will visit us, won't you?”

“Of course I will. And I'll write too.”

After this, John tried to work harder around the place and spend less time with Sarah. But she was always following him no matter what he was doing. She was like his shadow and even though he never minded her being there, he tried to encourage her to stay in the cabin and play with the twins and Cora.

Agnes and Paul were to be married on May Day. So, the night before, they did the traditional leap over the broom then went to gather wild flowers for the Maypole. Agnes looked radiant as she and Paul stood before their family on that sunny day. Blossoms were woven through her dark, curly hair and she wore her best dress of green gingham. After they took their vows, the celebrations began.

Paul's father, Jacob O'Leary, played lively reels and jigs on his little Irish bagpipe as everyone danced around the Maypole, lacing it with the colorful ribbons and unlacing it again.

Agnes and Paul left early the next morning. Their wagon had been decorated sometime in the night with all the flowers and ribbons from the Maypole.

Marion had tears in her eyes as she watched them go. “I will miss her. I can't believe my first daughter is already leaving the nest.”

Daniel put his arm around her. “That's how it's supposed to be, momma bird.” He kissed her. “She will make her own nest now.”

Chapter Four

* * * *

John tried to keep his promise to Agnes, but over time the fighting between the brothers became more and more frequent. Each fight was a little worse than the one before. John steered clear of Nathan as much as possible, but it didn't work. Nathan knew exactly how to provoke him: Sarah was the key and he used it often. John bit his tongue but his temper got the better of him and despite his best intentions there would be an argument.

About three months later, they received their first letter from Agnes. She and Paul had settled in Kansas and were very happy, she wrote. They were within walking distance of a small town. She wrote about the cabin they were building and the curtains she was making. They had some friendly neighbors who were helping them raise the walls and they were nearly finished. They couldn't leave the claim until next spring but she said they would come home for a visit then.

John noticed that his mother carried this first letter around in her apron pocket for days. He supposed that was her way of feeling close to Agnes.

With Agnes gone, Cora was given more duties around the house. She must start helping Marion more. Watch the twins, set the table, help with the laundry and wash dishes. This left little time for her romps with Nathan and John knew that he must feel that even his improvised ‘brother’ had been taken from him.

“Why can't Sarah do something around here?” Nathan fumed one day when Cora had been made to stay home when he wanted her to go fishing with him. “Sarah hardly ever does anything around here! It's not fair!”

“Sarah has her chores, Nathan. They're appropriate for her age. I'm sorry, but I need Cora to stay here today. She can go fishing with you tomorrow. This is baking day and I need her to help with the twins.”

“It's not fair!”

“That's not a fair thing for you to say to me! Shame on you! Why don't you go out and chop up some wood and wait to go fishing until Cora can go with you?”

“While John and Sarah are free to go to the library and do nothing?”

“Well, you can go to the library too. You can go fishing. You've done your work. But if you keep standing here pestering me, I'm going to find some work for you to do.”

“It's no fun by myself.”

“Well, there's two people leaving for the library who would be glad to have you join them.”

“I'd rather chop wood!” He stomped out.

“Poor child,” Marion shook her head. “He's never happy.”

Time passed. Agnes wrote often. They all anxiously awaited her spring visit as the winter months slowly dragged on.

Agnes made sure, when she wrote home, to never let her folks know how terribly frightened she was to live out here on this Kansas Prairie. Indians had been growing more hostile towards the settlers. Some had raided her neighbors and the store in town. They mostly took the white man's “:thunder sticks” as they called guns. So far, no one had been harmed, but Agnes feared them and what their reasons might be for obtaining so many weapons. Whenever she left the cabin, she took a rifle with her. No matter if she were just milking the cow or gathering eggs, she dared not be without it.

Paul worked the field from sun up till sun down leaving Agnes alone with her thoughts all day. She cooked and cleaned and tried to keep herself occupied and happy. Mrs. Tanner, their neighbor three miles away, often stopped by on her way into town. Today her visit was most welcome.

“Oh, Mrs. Tanner. I'm so glad to see you!” Agnes smiled. “Please come in and have some tea with me. It gets so lonely around here.”

“Don't mind if I do. I would enjoy the visit.” She stepped through the small door of the cabin.

“I've been so anxious to show you the new curtains. I finished them just last week.”

“Oh, that fabric you picked out did make some lovely curtains, didn't it?” Mrs. Tanner walked over to the window to examine the work. ‘Why, this stitching is better than my own and I've sewn for years.”

“I don't know about the stitching, but they turned out just beautiful thanks to the pattern you lent me. I'm so proud of them. Paul says I go on over these curtains more than I do over my wedding ring.” She laughed. “I suppose it's because they're the first things I've ever made for my own place. I'm starting to feel like a real homemaker.”

“Well, I'm glad you liked the pattern. You are a right nice home maker. Your place is sparkling clean.” She sat down as Agnes poured them each a cup of tea. “Why don't you come to town with me. It'd do you good to get out for a while.”

“I don't know. I've not been feeling all that well the past few days. I get tired so easy. I hate to say it, but I think I might be pregnant.”

“Why would you hate that?”

“Because I want to go home this spring and I can't if I'm pregnant.”

“Maybe your folks can come out here.” Then with a hearty laugh she said, “One thing's for sure, we're both going to have to get busy sewing if you're pregnant.”

“Oh yes, indeed,” Agnes agreed. “Oh, let me give you back your pattern before I forget.” As Agnes stood she heard the sound of horses approaching the cabin. Her heart pounded, yet she tried to stay calm. “I— I wonder who that could be.” She walked to the window and looked out. The color drained from her face as she turned toward Mrs. Tanner.

“Oh my God!”

“It's Indians, isn't it?” Mrs. Tanner leapt from her seat.

“Yes, yes! Quickly, barricade the door while I get the gun!”

“Barricade? With what?”

“Anything! Get the table, chairs!” Mrs. Tanner rushed with the chairs but she was too late, the Indians broke through the door. Mrs. Tanner retreated to the far side of the room while Agnes aimed the gun and fired it into the group of renegades.

From atop the ridge Paul saw the Indians as they pushed their way into the house. He began running. He stopped cold in his tracks as he heard a gunshot. Agnes’ screams could be heard echoing through the countryside. Then another gunshot. Suddenly, all of the yelling stopped. Paul began to run with all his might. He tripped and landed hard on the ground. But just as fast as he hit the ground he stood back up and ran faster toward the house. He saw Indians emerge from the cabin and gallop away on their horses.

“Agnes! Agnes!” He screamed as he neared the cabin. But she didn't answer him. He ran toward the door. Nothing could have prepared him for this gruesome scene. Beyond the dead Indian lay Mrs. Tanner in a pool of blood. He heard a faint moaning sound from behind the overturned kitchen table. He bolted toward it and pushed it aside. There lay Agnes on the floor in another pool of blood. Blood that flowed from a gaping wound in her belly, and from a lesser but even more sickening wound where she'd been scalped. “Agnes!” Paul wailed out. He bent down and took her in his arms. “Oh, those savages!” he cried. “I never should have brought you here! I shouldn't have! Oh, my sweet Aggie. Don't leave me.”

“Shh,” She whispered. “It's not your fault. Hold me close. Just hold me.”

“I'm holding you. I've got you.”

“I— I love you.” She said, and she was gone.

“No!” He screamed out. “Oh, God no! Agnes, come back to me. Agnes, please come back!” Paul sat there holding her until that afternoon when Mr. Tanner, in search of his wife, stumbled upon the horrid scene.

“Hannah!” He fell down to his knees beside her. “Your hair. Your beautiful hair!” he cried. “What have they done to you? I should have been with you!” Paul stood up from the floor.

“She was lucky, the savages killed her then scalped her. They took my Aggie's scalp while she was still alive! Rotten bunch of devils!” Paul was filled with hate, the kind that makes shivers prickle all over your body— the kind that can rip the life out of anything it chooses.

Paul noticed one of Agnes’ curtains lying on the floor where it had been ripped from the window. “She was so proud of these.” He whispered as he picked them up. “She was so proud.” He began to cry as he buried his face in the fabric. “Aggie!” he screamed out. The pain resonated in his voice. “Aggie!”

It was late evening when Marion heard a knock at the door. “Why, Mr. O'Leary! Come in.” Marion held the door open for him to enter. His usually bright and chipper face wore a serious, even grim look. “Is something wrong, Jacob? You look a bit under the weather this evening.”

“I think we should all have a seat. I have some bad news. Really bad.”

“What's the matter?” Daniel asked.

“Maybe the children should leave the room first.”

“Yes, of course.” Marion ushered them out.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this. But Paul didn't want you hearing it in a letter.”

Marion looked at Daniel then back to Mr. O'Leary. “What's happened? Is it Agnes? Is she sick? I knew she was too frail to live a life on that rough Prairie.”

“Oh, ma'am, this is hard... this is so hard to say. I don't know an easy way of putting it so I'm just going to come right out with it. She's been killed, ma'am.”

Marion felt all of the air leave her body as she let out a horrific scream that brought the children running back into the room.

“What's wrong?” John demanded.

“Please children, get back to your rooms just for now.” Mr. O'Leary spoke softly.

“Yes, sir.” They obeyed.

John and Nathan listened to the conversations through their bedroom door.

“What happened?” Daniel asked again. There was a tremble in his voice.

“It was Indians. Paul was in the field when he saw them. He tried to get there. But it all happened too quickly, he said. But he wanted you to know that she went down fighting. She killed one before they took the gun and turned it on her.”

“I can't believe it. She's gone. Agnes is gone!” Marion wailed. Though it was obvious his own pain was overwhelming, Daniel tried to comfort her.

“It's all right. She's in a better place now.” He placed his hand over hers.

“I'll never see her again. My girl... I'll never see her again!” She cried into Daniel's shoulder as he wrapped her in his arms.

John listened in shock. No! This couldn't be true! Dear, sweet Agnes, she couldn't be dead! Into this moment of grief Nathan chose to throw one of his most blistering comments. “See what you're precious savage Injuns can do? They're nothing but animals and we've got one of them in our very own house!” John threw Nathan to the floor and drew his fist back. Then he heard Agnes’ voice in his ear. “Don't, John. You promised me.” John slowly stood up trembling in fear and remorse. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from Nathan! He bolted from the room past Marion, Daniel and Mr. O'Leary, then out of the house.

“I think I will go along now and leave you all to your grief.” Mr. O'Leary slowly stood up and started toward the door.

“Thank you for coming by and letting us know.” Daniel shook Mr. O'Leary's hand. “I know it wasn't an easy thing to do.”

“She was like the daughter I never had. It breaks my heart, it does.” Mr. O'Leary bowed his head and left.

“John must have overheard.” Marion said through her tears. “I must go to him.” She quickly followed Mr. O'Leary out of the cabin.

Daniel sat there alone for a few minutes still trying to absorb the news he'd just heard. One of his children was dead? It seemed as if he were in an awful dream, one that he desperately wanted to wake up from. But he knew the relief of morning would never come to him or to anyone in his family. This was no nightmare. He would never wake up. Agnes was gone and she would never come back.

Marion walked to where John stood. She placed her arm around him to steady herself and also to comfort him. “Momma, I can't stay here anymore,” He cried. “I have to go.”

“Don't do this to me. Not now, not tonight.”

“I promised Aggie I wouldn't cause you any trouble with Nathan. But I can't keep that promise if I stay here. I'll fight him, I know I will and that would just kill me!”

“Wait. You promised me that you would wait until you were fifteen. What about your promise to me?”

“Momma, I'll be fifteen in two months. You have to let me go!”

“I know. I know, John. Give me time to get over this, then you can go.”

“I will. Thank you, Momma. I love you so much! I'm so sorry about Aggie. I'm so very sorry!” He sank, weeping into his mother's comforting arms.

Over the next gloomy days they all tried to come to terms with their tragic loss. Daniel Jr. came home for the week with his wife, son and baby daughter. The joy of spending time with them all, helped soften the terrible blow for Marion. But there was a lingering bitterness that would not leave. A bitterness that emerged whenever she looked at Sarah. She didn't want it to be there, Sarah had meant so much to her, but Agnes was her blood child and she had been murdered by Indians. This same savage blood ran through Sarah's veins. Sweet Agnes had been murdered by Sarah's people. When she looked at the child she didn't see her lovely adopted daughter, she saw Indian savages snuffing out the life of one of her own! In her own private battle she tried to overcome these feelings. Nathan made this task as hard as he possibly could for her. He seemed determined to use this grievous loss to forward his own hate against Sarah.

John constantly bit his tongue and she knew it was because he felt he had to keep his promises to both Agnes and her.

A few days had passed when Daniel joined Marion beside the graves of Matthew and the Indian woman. As he placed his hand on her shoulder she quietly sobbed, “I don't know what to do.”

“The sadness will pass.”

“The sadness isn't what bothers me, it's the hate. I've never had hate like this and it scares me. I love Sarah, but every time I look at her all I can see is Agnes suffering and dying. Why did this happen to us?” She began to weep. “We've always tried to live right. We've always helped people and loved everyone. We ignored the danger and took in an Indian orphan. This is how we're repaid? Our own daughter's life snuffed out before she's had a chance to really live it! Why?” Marion cried out as she dropped to her knees and pounded her fists on the grave of the Indian woman. “Why! Why! Why!”

“Stop it!” Daniel took her by her arm and lifted her from the ground and looked deeply into her large brown eyes. “It wasn't these Indians, it was renegades. You can't blame all for what some do, you taught me that, remember? Evil is not confined to one race. Sarah is one of the good ones and she's our daughter.”

Marion buried her face in Daniel's broad chest as she wept. “Help me. Please help me not to hate them all!” But it was too late, the seed of bitterness had taken root.

Chapter Five

* * * *

John turned fifteen. With his birthday came a great feeling of freedom and also the frightening realization that he was now free to live on his own and be fully responsible for himself. He had done it, he'd made it through without responding to any of Nathan's provoking comments against him or Sarah. There had been times when he'd almost succumbed to his fiery temper. It was time he left home to begin making his own way. With a bit of sadness he packed his bags and said goodbye to his family. It was Sarah who really tore at his heart. When he kissed her little forehead the tears flowed down both of their faces.

“John, why can't I come with you?” She asked tremblingly through her sobs. “You can't just leave me!”

“The life I'm about to lead isn't one for you, my Princess. It's going to be hard to find my way and to make ends meet. I can't take care of you, sweetie. Not the way a Princess should be cared for.” John turned from her, hugged his mother and took off walking away from them.

Sarah's cries could be heard echoing behind him as he walked on with tears flooding down his face. He knew this was the only thing to be done. Perhaps things would be better for all of them without him there. He was no good at the kind of work that he was expected to do. If he found a good job he could send money home and help out. This was the only way he knew to surely keep his promise to Agnes. These thoughts kept him walking toward his new life as an independent man. He would make something of himself. He would make life better for everyone. He was sure that without him there Nathan wouldn't be so angry and this would make life easier. There were times he just wanted to turn and run back home. Sarah's cries echoed in his head. But he forced himself onward. For you Aggie, he whispered through the tears.

Nathan taunted Sarah freely now that John wasn't around to take up for her and soon even Cora joined in the “fun". “Look at the little savage read.” Nathan punched at Cora as he laughed.

“Yeah, she's a little Injun John always hanging onto a book.”

“Have you ever heard of an Injun book worm?”

“No, but it's the strangest thing I've ever seen!”

Sarah closed her book and walked out of the cabin.

“Oh, look. The little savage is upset!” Cora snickered.

Sarah's greatest joy came when Mr. Hamilton, sticking to his word to educate poor children, built a free school in town. Now she could be with other ‘book worms’ just like herself. She loved her tall and stately teacher, Mrs. Lykes, whose speech was like poetry, always perfectly enunciated as it rolled over her full, cherry red lips. The girls wanted to be like her and the boys wanted to bring her flowers.

Cora and Nathan wanted nothing to do with the new school. Neither of them had any use for learning, or being stuck in a little building for hours on end. Sarah was glad.

On her way home from school, Sarah would pick up the mail in town. She was always thrilled when there was a letter from John; she'd grasp it like a priceless treasure and run home as fast as her legs would go. After the letter had been read Sarah tucked it away in her tanned leather bag where she kept all of his letters. She would read and re-read it until the next one came.

John was in New York now and had a job delivering ice. Sometimes there would be money in the letters. One of them had as much as three dollars in it. He seemed to be doing well, making three dollars and fifty cents a week. He was staying in a boarding house that provided him one meal a day.

No one knew that John had decided that the provided meal would be the only time he'd eat because he wanted to save as much money as he could. He wanted to make his folks proud. To be the “good son.”

The days became long and lonely. The nights were even more gloomy with no one around. His room was ragged, worn and bleak. Rats scampered through the rafters. He could hear them nibbling and scratching in the walls as he tried to sleep. He missed telling Sarah her bedtime stories. He wondered who was doing it, or if anyone was. She can't fall asleep without a story. He worried. Tears stung his eyes as he thought about her and home while he lay in his lonely dark room. He found it hard to fall asleep... the rats’ constant gnawing didn't help. “For the love of God, shut up!” He picked up his boot and threw it hard against the wall. The noise stopped and he lay back on his bed, but soon the gnawing started up again. He wanted to go home. This wasn't the life for him. This wasn't what he wanted. He'd made it without fighting with Nathan. Maybe he could stand Nathan better than the loneliness and rats he'd endured these six months. The next morning, John packed his bag, picked up his pay and bought a ticket for the next train home.

Sarah waited and watched the whole day John was due to arrive. “The train isn't due in hours,” Marion informed her. But Sarah would not stop looking toward the end of the drive for him. Finally, late that evening, there he was walking as fast as he could toward her. “John's here!” Sarah squealed. She took off running toward him.

John lifted her up in his arms. “I missed you so much!” he cried. “Oh, how I've missed my sweet Princess and home!”

“I missed you too... it was awful without you here! Don't ever leave me again!”

“Well, I'm home now. It won't be awful anymore!” He smiled. Marion rushed up to him as he put Sarah down.

“John, my boy!” She hugged him tightly. “We got your telegram... I've fixed all of your favorite food. I just can't tell you how wonderful it is to have you home again. You're too skinny!”

“I can't wait to dive into it, Momma. I missed your cooking something fierce!”

For a while, things were perfect, even Nathan was decent. But then it started with little things and grew. John held his temper. Anything was better than that rat infested hole in the wall. He had to make this work! He had to let Nathan's tormenting remarks go without rebuttal. He worked from early morning to late evening to prove himself. He wanted to show that he was more than books, brains and a playmate for Sarah. He could pull his weight and contribute to the household. Sarah's small footprints still tracked in his big ones. She was like a little lost puppy.

“John, are we going to town today? You can meet Mrs. Lykes. John, can we go down by the spring to get flowers for Momma? John, will you tell me a story?”

He wanted to pick her up and go running over the hills, go to the library and read her stories. To see her face light up as she heard the exciting tales. He wanted to hear her sweet giggle when she'd picked a beautiful bunch of flowers or caught a butterfly. Yet, with Nathan's sarcastic glares, he couldn't... that would give him ammunition for more hurtful remarks. “Not right now, sweetie. I've got work to do,” he'd answer her.

As they all sat eating supper, John noticed Sarah having trouble so he started cutting her meat.

“Can't she even eat on her own? She's seven years old for crying out loud!” Nathan snarled. So John let it go. He handed Sarah her fork and knife.

“Sure she can eat on her own... she's a big girl.” John winked at her. Sarah took her knife and fork and wrapped her fists around them and started to cut her meat, but she slipped and the plate fell to the floor. Sarah started crying.

“Uh oh... ” John smiled. “It's all right, Sarah, don't cry.”

“No, it ain't all right! She wastes food all the time. She's stupid and careless!”

“It was just an accident, Nathan.” John got up to clean the mess while his mother went to get Sarah another plate.

“I'd make her eat what she wasted on the floor. Maybe she wouldn't be so careless next time!”

“What is your problem, Nathan? You're acting like a total ass!”

“You're my problem and so is that careless little shadow witch savage of yours!”

“Shut up Nathan... just shut up.”

“Why? What are you going to do about it, pansy?”

“Boys, I want both of you to be quiet,” Daniel warned. John sat quietly but Nathan kept on goading.

“Just like I thought... you ain't going to do anything. You're too much of a field pansy.”

“May I be excused, Poppa? I'd like to go for a walk.” John stood from the table.

“Can I come too?” Sarah eagerly hopped up.

“You're still eating, sweetie. I won't be gone long.”

“But I'm not hungry... I want to come with you.”

“You'd better get back here and eat your food after momma fixed you another plate!” Nathan snorted. “I don't care who you think you are, you can't waste food like this!”

“Nathan, is there any way you could let Momma and Poppa tend to her?”

“Is there any way you could be anything but a field pansy?” Nathan smarted back.

Suddenly, that was one too many slights. Something inside John snapped. He forgot about everyone and everything as he flew into Nathan like a madman. He let his temper soar, let all the anger and pent up emotions out as he pounded into Nathan over and over.

“Stop... you'll kill him! Please stop!” John heard Marion screaming. He looked and saw the terror in her face as she clutched at her heart and cried out. He looked up and saw Daniel standing over him trying to pull him off Nathan. He saw his brother's bloodied face and he couldn't believe he'd done this, that he'd exposed his family to such horror! He had done the unthinkable. He'd broken his promise to Agnes! He stood and backed away slowly. “I— I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!” He shook his head.

That evening he packed his bags.

“John, you said you were home for good.” Sarah's voice trembled and her bottom lip quivered.

“Sarah, I don't belong here. I know that now. My life is somewhere else.” He hugged her then looked at her long, wanting to engrave every part of her face in his memory. He knew he was not coming back for a long time now. This leaving was different than the first. Saying goodbye was even harder this time because he knew what awaited him. He deserved it. He deserved to live alone in a bleak little room with rats. He'd done the unthinkable and he'd do his penance. He would have to scrape by for a while, but he'd make it somehow. Someway, he'd make money and a better life for himself and for his family away from here. Away from Nathan and the possibility of ever breaking his promise to Agnes again. I'm sorry Aggie, I tried. I just can't stand Nathan. I'll make it up to you and to everyone. Tears blurred his vision as he walked away.

“Why couldn't I have kept my blasted temper!” John chastised himself as he shoved a large block of ice across the floor of the ice house. “Now here I am back in this hell hole. Stuck here with nothing and no one!” He'd returned to Rochester, to his old job, and to his old room. Mr. Bryant had been kind enough to hire him back.

John grasped the block of ice in the large, steel tongs and began lugging it up the steps. Outside he swung it into the back of the wagon where he covered it over with the tarp and hay.

The vibrant notes of a jaunty whistle glided on the air through slum's alley out back of Mr. Bryant's store. John looked from his chore and saw a slender young man strolling toward him. His hair was a copper color with more blonde than red. His stride was tall and proud. His was the posture of a gentleman or an aristocrat but his dress was that of a poor ice hauler, like John.

He smiled and held out his hand as he neared John. “Ye must be the fella’ Mr. Bryant was tellin’ me ‘bout. I'm Amos Douglas Mahaffey, me friends call me Doug, and I be pleased to be makin’ yer acquaintance, I am.” He spoke with an Irish accent.

“Likewise.” John clasped his hand. “I'm John DuVal.”

Doug explained that he was seventeen and fresh off the boat from Ireland. Over time he shared with John how he'd been sent here to marry his cousin, Gracie who was from Rochester. But he'd run out on her and been cut off from the family's money. Both sides were angry and refused to give him aid. So Doug, being a young man of principles and a bit strong willed as well, went to make his own way in the world. They could keep all their blasted money as far as he was concerned. He didn't love Gracie, but what was more important to Doug was the fact that Gracie didn't love him. And so it was Doug's idea to let them lay all the blame at his own feet for the failed wedding. He would see to it that Gracie would hold none of the blame for it. He could stand for the both of them. He wouldn't see her scramble in the mud like he was having to. He could take all they dished out, she couldn't and he would see to it that she wouldn't have to!

A fast friendship was formed between Doug and John. They liked each other immediately. Doug was bright, entertaining and full of life. His antics kept John laughing. Soon he told his new friend all about his family and his favorite little sister, Sarah.

Doug suggested that they should room together to save money. “No need in rentin’ two rooms when we could split the cost of it and save,” he offered in his funny accent. “I promise, I don't snore and for the savin’ of the money I don't care if you do.” He laughed.

“Well, I've never stayed awake to find out if I snore or not. But like you say, I wouldn't really care if you did. I would welcome the company and the saving. Besides, I'm used to a big family and it gets lonesome.”

“You wouldn't go a-snugglin’ me in your sleep, now would ya?”

“I won't if you won't.”

“'Tis a pledge then.” Doug spit into the palm of his hand and held it towards John who did the same; they clasped hands in agreement.

John sent his extra money home while Doug saved every cent for his coffer. Months passed with both boys pinching every penny for their dreams. Once in a while they'd go out for a drink and mingle with other people, but mostly it was work and save, work and save. “I'll be glad when the day is over,” John moaned as he and Doug traipsed toward the ice house. His head was pounding from the night before and each step felt like his brain was bashing against his skull.

“Why? So you can be goin’ on another rounder?” Doug cut his eyes at John. “Take me advice brother, John. Be doin’ a lot more of the minglin’ and a lot less of the drinkin'.”

“Professor, professor. What did I do before you came along?”

“Ye didn't do too well, else ye wouldn't have ended up with the likes of me!” They both laughed as they entered the ice house.

John's eyes landed on a strange lump lying in the shadows near the far corner of the building. “What do you suppose that is?” John pointed.

“Looks like a dead man!” Doug's voice was barely auditable, fear had almost griped his throat completely shut.

They walked closer, neither really wanting to know what they would find. “Who are you?” John called out in an unsteady voice. There was no answer from the large mass that lay curled and still as death.

John and Doug stared down at the negro man lying on the floor. “I— is he dead?” Doug whispered.

John bent down and shook him. The man groaned. “He's alive!” John looked back at Doug.

“Just barely I'd say.”

“Are you sick? Can you stand up?” John shook him again.

“I is cold.” The man whispered.

“Here, let us help you up.” John and Doug lifted him onto his unsteady feet. “We'll take you to the doctor.”

“No, no doctor! There's nowhere for me to go. Anybody sees me I'm dead.”

“You're dead if you stay here too.”

“You gotta hide me! I need help. Don't let nobody see me.”

“What have you done?” John asked.

“Lord, I ran. I'm a runaway slave.”

“We'd better be gittin’ him to our place.” Doug began to hurry toward the door.

“Wait just a minute! How are we going to do this with no one seeing him?”

“I'll watch and when it's clear, bring him to the wagon, we'll cover ‘em with the straw and blankets.”

“If we get caught we'll be in a heck of a mess!”

“Then we best not be gittin’ caught.” Doug's eyes twinkled as he smiled his impish smile.

The next few days they doctored and fed the runaway named Sam until he was strong enough to go on his way. He left quietly in the middle of the night.

A few days later Doug came in all excited. “What has you so happy?” John asked. “You found a long cigarette butt on the sidewalk?” He laughed.

“Much better than that! I know a way for us both to make more money than we could ever hope to make haulin’ ice. But it's not without the risks.”

“What is it?” John sat up on the edge of his bed. “Tell me, I'll do it! I don't have a thing against more money.”

“Then stick with me and we'll go places! I'm not gonna be waitin’ for my life to start. I'm takin’ action!”

“What are you rambling about? It sounds like it's something bad. Is it against the law?” John frowned. “I don't mind having a piece of the pie, but I want to make sure it's on the up and up. A pie turned wrong side up makes an awful mess!”

“Well, ‘tis considered illegal, but in my opinion there's nothing’ wrong with it,” Doug smiled. “'Tis just a wee bit on the dangerous side. Now, there'll be those who won't agree with this sort of work. But I'll be agreein'!”

“Tell all, Doug! I want to know.”

“Are you tired of this rat infested hole-in-the-wall? If so, we could be out of here by tomorrow. There's this fine place where we can stay if we do some work for a certain man.”

“And just who is this man?”

“A Mr. Emerald Clyde Tyson. One of the richest men in Rochester. I'm tellin’ ya, he's rich as cream! While I was deliverin’ ice to his grand place he calls me to the side and asks about that runaway slave, Sam. I tried to deny that I'd be knowin’ him, but Tyson grinned and said ‘Sam's told me about you and your friend helpin’ him. We need men like you two in our cause'. He'd already takin’ a likin’ to me from when his wee one took sick with the fever and he credits my promptness in gettin’ the ice to her that made her well. So, he comes to me today offerin’ the both of us jobs makin’ ten times the money we get now. I tell you, ‘tis odd the way he makes on over us helpin’ a runaway slave and such a small thing as ice. ‘Twas just doin’ me job.”

“Could be he's thinkin’ you have healin’ powers,” John said in an exaggerated Irish accent. “Some sort of leprechaun magic that healed Sam and his girl. Or, maybe he just wants to corner you and get your pot of gold. John rolled as he laughed. “You do remind me of the little people I've read about over in your part of the world.”

“Very funny, John... I come to you with a chance to make better and you poke fun. You'll be laughin’ out the other end when I'm sittin’ in that grand house and you deliverin’ me some ice.”

John regained his composure and wiped the tears from his eyes. “All right, all right. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. But what will we be doing?”

“From what I can understand, Mr. Tyson's a big supporter of the underground railroad here in Rochester. We'll be protecting and helping those in these underground operations.”

“We'll be helping slaves escape. Is that it?”

“Yeah, but nothin’ we ain't done before.”

“That's a good way for a man to get lynched!”

“Ye ain't a coward now, are ye?”

“Yes! If wanting to live makes me a coward, then that's what I am.”

“Well, that makes the both of us cowards then, but will you be in or out?”

“You know I'm in.”

Christmas came and John sent money and gifts home for everyone. No one had expected so many fine things and they were flabbergasted. Marion and Daniel counted the money over and over again. “This will fill the jar slap to the top, Daniel! We can afford that extra land you've had your eye on and a new plow too!”

“This can't be right. What is that boy doing? How can anyone have this much money to send home and live too? Lord, don't let him be breaking the law!”

“Oh, pooh on your ‘breaking the law’ mess! That boy has studied and is working hard. This is what an educated mind can get you, Dan.” Marion smiled. “I knew that boy was going to be something. He just had it in him.”

Nathan rolled his eyes as he unwrapped his first store-bought shirt. It came with a comb and candy cane in the pocket. Cora got a new pair of winter shoes with a green hair ribbon and a candy cane. The twins got twin dolls, pink hair ribbons and candy canes. Sarah got a new pair of winter shoes, a book, red satin hair ribbon, doll and candy cane.

Nathan took notice of all Sarah's gifts. “Well, I just wonder who John's favorite is here,” he snarled as he threw the shirt aside.

“You're not jealous now are you, Nathan?” Cora chided. “Could it be that Sarah is a little book worm like John? We all know she's always been his favorite. Why is that such a shock to you now?”

“Momma,” Nathan protested. “Do you think it's right for John to send Sarah all this stuff and almost leave the rest of us completely out?”

“Nathan, how can you say that after all the beautiful things John has sent to us all and gave us more money than we've managed to save in two years? He's a good son, and a wonderful brother to you all. You don't need to go stirring up trouble and counting gifts. You know what the good book says, ‘blessed are the peace makers.'”

“Sorry, I don't have no ‘educated mind’ to read that scripture, Momma. I'm just your plain old hard working idiot.”

“Nathan, you go to your room until you can calm that attitude. This is Christmas! And a very good one too. I'm not going to have you ruining it!”

Nathan stomped away, “He's such a good son,” he smirked under his breath. “Money means everything, huh?”

The next morning Daniel and Nathan were going hunting for Christmas meat and as usual Cora begged to go too, and just as usual, Daniel told her no as they walked out the door.

“Momma, can I at least go out and practice my slingshot?”

“Why must you be so boyish, Cora May? I thought I'd had a little girl when I had you. Where did that little girl go?” She rubbed Cora's cheek.

“Oh, Momma. I am a girl,” she pushed Marion's hand away, “but that doesn't mean I have to sit in the house all prim and proper, sewing and mending and cooking and cleaning. It's truly dull, and you said it yourself that I'm of no use in the kitchen. Why can't I go climb a tree or shoot a slingshot? Sarah can help you, I just get in the way.”

“Fine enough, ‘girl child,’ go shoot your slingshot, but dress warm, it's cool out.” Marion smiled at her. “Be in before dinner!” she called as Cora ran out the door.

Shooting the slingshot wasn't at all what Cora had in mind. She was going to go find her poppa and Nathan. When she found them, Poppa wouldn't send her back home alone and they couldn't stop hunting to bring her back, so, they'd have to let her hunt too! She was jubilant at the thought of such a fool-proof scheme. Cora skipped off into the dense woods and they closed in behind her. She looked around and wondered which way they had gone and which way she should go to find them. She tried to remember the paths they had taken when Nathan had shown her their hunting place. But everything looked the same now. Cora roamed aimlessly through these strange dark woods. Even though she was terrified, she refused to cry. Cry babies couldn't be mighty hunters.

Daniel and Nathan sat quietly waiting for their prey. They heard the cracking of underbrush and prepared their guns. The leaves began to rustle. Nathan put his finger on the trigger and fired— but it was no deer that stepped through the brush and then fell, screaming. It was Cora! Daniel and Nathan both ran to her yelling, “What are you doing here! Oh Cora! Cora!” Daniel knelt down beside her and took her in his arms.

“Baby girl, why? Why didn't you stay at home?”

“I didn't mean it, Cora, I didn't mean it!” Nathan kept saying as Daniel looked her over.

“Hush, Nathan! Hush. It's her arm. She's going to be all right!” Daniel scooped Cora up and started toward the house. “You go get the doctor,” he yelled at Nathan. “I'm taking her home.”

Daniel plowed through the door with Cora in his arms.

“What is it?” Marion screamed. “What's happened to her?”

“Cora came after us. We thought she was a deer and Nathan got her in the arm. Why did you let her come after us, Marion? Why?”

“I didn't! She was supposed to be in the yard playing with her slingshot. I don't understand this? How did she get to where y'all were?”

“I'm sorry, Momma. I wanted to hunt.” Cora cried. “I slipped off and went to find them.”

“Hush now, it's all right. I should have suspected it. I know you don't give up when it's something you want. I shouldn't have let you go out.”

The doctor, arriving soon thereafter, dressed her arm. “Cora, you were a mighty lucky little lady. I hope you've learned your lesson. It's important to listen to your folks.”

“Yes, Sir.” She smiled. Though Cora seemed very proud of her ‘hunting wound,’ no one else was the least bit pleased. Had Daniel and Marion not been so grateful that she wasn't killed, they would have severely punished her for going against their orders.

“If you ever go near those woods again without permission, you won't be able to sit down for a week, I promise you that!” Daniel told her.

Chapter Six

* * * *

John and Doug were well into the network of what they called freedom fighting. They were taking runaway slaves to a point on Lake Erie where they would cross over into Canada. Mr. Tyson compensated them well for their work. He also gave John a job at his paper, The Freedom Gazette, an anti-slavery publication. John was so good with words that Mr. Tyson made him an editor. John loved the job and was making good money. But he tried to keep his involvement in this work quiet. He knew how feelings ran about such things back home, so he would never let his friends or family know about his jobs.

It came to the freedom fighters attention that many of the southern states had barred anti-slavery papers such as The Freedom Gazette. Many folks, mostly rich slave owners, hated everyone associated with this movement. They saw it as a threat to their very existence. It would do away with everything they had worked for. All would be lost if these people pushed through their agenda of freeing the slaves. “What's next?” they cried. “Do we free our horses and cows too? We bought and paid for our stock, our workers, our land and our homes! They belong to us!”

“I know you have tried to keep your involvement in this work quiet because of your folks in the South.” Mr. Tyson said to John one day. “But you do consider yourself an abolitionist, do you not? You wouldn't turn your back on me, would you?”

“No, Sir. I never would do such a thing. I truly believe in what you do here. It is a noble and just cause and I'm glad to be a part of it. I hate slavery and what it does to everyone. I'd like nothing better than to see the end of it forever. Not just for the slaves, but also for the poor white people who can't find work because anyone who can afford to pay a man for a day's work, just buys a slave. Those who aren't rich struggle just to survive.”

“Well, they won't accept our publication down there. You have a chance to do a mighty work. You're an educated man and I believe you can do more with that education to help us. Perhaps the Southerners would listen to one of their own.”

“Excuse me, Sir. But I was never one of the plantation owners’ own. Me and my family were what their slaves referred to as ‘poor trash'. We didn't have jobs nor much of anything because of slavery. I grew up in soddies, deserted shanties, dugouts in hillsides and wagons until we settled in Tennessee and Poppa saved enough to buy a plot of land and built our small cabin.”

“Are you saying the slaves should be grateful to have these plantation jobs?”

“I don't mean to lessen their plight. It's horrible to be owned by another man. I'm just saying there are more reasons than one to abolish slavery. It's bad for everyone, all the way around. As my Poppa said... it's a blight on America.”

“You have as much passion as I do and that's what's needed to put an end to this barbaric mess.”

“I'll do anything I can to improve the quality of life for all Americans, no matter their race.” John thought about that day, so long ago, when he had seen that line of people, barefoot, hungry and being beaten onward toward the west away from their homes. His look became distant. How could he ever help these Americans? How could people be so cruel to other people? He thought of Sarah's real mother, and of Sarah. How she would never be able to know her people or know her true race and culture simply because of hate, and of how hate had taken Agnes's sweet life. Tears began to form in his eyes. He quickly turned from Mr. Tyson.

“I see this issue touches you deeply.”

“You have no idea, Sir. As I said, I'll do all I can for every race in America.”

Mr. Tyson sent John South to change as many minds as he could. “Perhaps my paper can't get through anymore, but people like you certainly can.”

A year passed. John was doing well converting folks to the anti-slavery movement. He traveled most of the time, under the alias of Kyle Adams, and helped slaves to break free. He told them how to get to freedom and about the safe houses along the way. They were to watch for a lamp hung on a pole in the yard or on the porch. It would hang there, burning, day and night. This would be a friendly house.

Two years passed, John yearned for the simple life of simple goals. Just to fall in love, and settle down on a nice little farm. But supporting the family would always need to be done and ending human suffering... would there ever be an end to that? He doubted it.

As the DuVal's money jar had filled from John's work, Daniel had bought more and more land until he was the proud owner of over five hundred acres of Giles County Tennessee. He cleared the land to the south all the way to Eagleton Creek, and used the trees for lumber to build a new home. It was quite large, fourteen rooms not including the two massive attic rooms. He built it with gables and a large wrap-around porch. Huge carved doors opened out to every side.

Furniture was ordered. They had a parlor with plush sofas and sitting chairs. The large dining room held an oak table and china cabinet which contained the finest of china and silverware. In the kitchen there was a water pump and even an ice box. A large pantry adjoined the kitchen and was stocked with goods. Daniel had built shelves under a large window for cooling pies and such.

He'd also built an office room and a room just for the piano he intended to buy for Marion. She'd always wanted one, even though she couldn't play. Perhaps she could hire Mrs. Nichols, the church pianist, to teach the twins. At least their youngest daughters would have some culture.

Upstairs everyone had their own bedroom and there still were rooms to spare for guests. But the twins preferred to bunk together so they got one of the larger rooms.

Sarah's bed was made of cherry wood with posts carved in ornate designs as were the twins and Cora's beds. Nathan's was plain and looked more manly. Daniel and Marion chose a high poster bed for their room. Yes, this was truly their dream house.

Daniel needed help in planting and harvesting the new acreage. He employed every member of his family and most of the local “poor trash” as they were called. He was dead set against owning slaves but it was getting hard to run the place. Marion came to him with the idea that she and John had discussed those years ago. “Daniel, I think I have the answer. Why don't we buy some slaves and when they work off the cost of it, we can give them their freedom. Then they can be hired just like all these others. Or they can simply move away, whatever they want to do. In the mean time we'll be getting our work done and doing something good too.”

“By golly, that might just work. It's the best plan I've heard so far. Eastland said he could set me up with a good trader. I've been putting him off, but I think I might just pay him a visit in the morning and see about going with him on his next business venture.”

“There's only one problem I see though.”

“What's that?”

“Where to house them.”

“We've got the cabin and the barn. I can build a couple of sturdy shanties near the edge of the pasture. That should do for as many slaves as I'd buy right now. If it works out and we don't go belly up attempting this, we can build more and buy more.”

That very next Saturday, Daniel woke early, dressed in his finest suit and left with Mr. Eastland to do something he never would have thought he would ever do. He was going to buy six strong men to help him work the fields. They could bunk together until more dwellings could be built. This new venture was unheard of and he was anxious to try it out. Of course he couldn't tell William Eastland the goal he had in mind. He just let him believe that he'd finally won him over. Owning slaves was a good and necessary thing.

Nothing could have prepared Daniel for what he saw as he walked into the crowd of buyers. Slaves were held in stalls while interested buyers checked them out. “You need to look them over real good before the auction starts to get an idea of the ones you want instead of bidding willy-nilly. You might wind up getting one that ain't no good or unruly as hell. You certainly don't want one fresh off the boat.”

“Why? Seems like they'd be stronger the newer they are to it.”

“Well you'd have to train them and you ain't got enough resources to train them yet and they've got to be watched like a hawk. In the first place they won't even understand what you're saying to them. They still have the jungle all in them. They're like wild horses.”

“How can I tell new ones?”

“Well, for one thing they start the bidding on ‘em lower and they'll be in chains ‘cause they're unpredictable. Some folks buy and train them to sell at a higher price. This is a good business. I've never got into training new ones myself but I hear it's very profitable to buy low and sell high. See any that strike your fancy?”

Daniel felt sick inside at being a part of this. But he knew his intentions were good. This idea would work and he had to see this through. Even if it didn't work and he had to take a loss, he could keep a few of these people from a life of bondage. He scanned the room and saw many sturdy looking men. He was sure he could get at least six of them just as he'd planned. Then one man in particular caught his eye: he was large and sturdily built, with a meek and sorrowful look on his face. Daniel walked toward him and noticed that tear streaks stained his face

“You've got a good eye, Daniel; he looks like he'd be a good worker.” Mr. Eastland said then he looked over at the man. “You healthy ain't you? Let's see your teeth.” The man opened his mouth wide. “Um hum... now turn around and let's see your back.” He turned. “No strap marks.” Mr. Eastland looked at Daniel. “Now, that one you'll want.”

“What's your name?” Daniel asked.

“Jonas, sir.”

“Is everything all right with you, Jonas?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I know your health is good, but what are the tears for?” Jonas motioned his head across the room toward a woman who stood there with two children.

“We gonna be split up, nobody gonna buy all us together.”

“No talking!” The owner yelled at Daniel. “Move along now so everyone gets a chance to look.”

Daniel walked up to the next sturdy man he saw, but he had many whip marks and scars. “Oh, you don't want him.” Mr. Eastland warned. “He's unruly. Look at all those scars. There'll be nothing but trouble out of him.” They went on looking them over before the auction started. Daniel waited for the ones he had fixed in his mind to come up on the block. His first purchase was Jonas. Mr. Eastland looked at him approvingly. Then he bought Jericho, the one with the stripes on him. “What's wrong with you, Daniel? I told you about those kind! What are you doing?”

“Let me handle this part. I know what I'm doing.” Daniel had it in his mind to get those that were hungry for freedom. Obviously if they were running away and willing to face a beating for freedom, they craved this freedom he'd be offering them.

Among his other surprised buys, Daniel bought Jonas's entire family. Though they had been split up to be sold separately he'd made it his business to learn who they were before the auction started. First there was his son, Thomas, his daughter, Thorney and wife Ester. He had to pay more for the woman because she was young, a good breeder and a well-trained house worker. Because of this extra cost, Daniel could buy only one more field-hand, Isaiah who seemed to light up at the price he went for.

Daniel took great pleasure in watching Jonas and his family's tears turn to joy as they were reunited.

Marion shook her head as she looked at Daniel's purchases. “I sent you for workers and you've brought us three more mouths to feed. That woman and those children can't do hard labor in the fields and the last thing we need is children to take care of!”

“Now, Marion, even Jennie and Betty work in the fields. These children belong to Jonas and Ester. I couldn't stand there and watch them be torn apart! If you'd have been there, you wouldn't have passed them up either. Seeing a grown man cry. I don't care if we don't make it, I know I did the right thing.”

“I know you did too, I'm sorry. Have you talked to them yet?”

“No, I haven't had a chance, Eastland's been right upon me. I figured we could talk to them all together about the deal.”

When Daniel and Marion explained the plan, their eyes lit up. All but Jericho, the one with the whip marks. He just stood there staring with a sarcastic sneer. “Is this real, Master?” Jonas asked. “You telling me that you not only kept me and my family together, but you is gonna give us all our freedoms too?”

“That's exactly what I'm saying. All I ask is that you fellas help me out for a while. Help me get back at least some of the money I spent buying you all. I do need help, but I do not own any of you. You can leave today if you want to. There won't be nothing or no one hunting you down. But I don't know of anyone who will offer you more than I am. I need workers, I've got fields to plant and harvest. You can live here under my protection as free men. You can have as much of a normal life as possible and you can stay here as long as you like. When I catch up you can start drawing pay for your work. Then you can move up north and get started living this freedom. Does that sound fair? If so, we'll shake on it and get you settled in.”

“Yes, sir!” They, one by one, proudly shook his hand except for Jericho. He scowled at Daniel.

“How about you, Jericho? Do you accept?”

“Accept what? To work for you till my death to pay ya back? I've heard this mess all my life from you crackers! Ain't none of y'all gonna buy somebody then turn ‘em loose. Naw, sir. I don't believe that! I believe you gonna try and make me work it off till I'm in the grave. There'll always be more I'll be owin’ ya. Anybody here that believes such a lie is dumb as dirt.” He turned to the others. “This cracker ain't gonna set y'all free! He's just trying to make us feel beholdin’ so we'll work harder and harder for him till we all lay dead, probably out yonder in his field!”

Daniel interrupted. “All I ask is that any of you who want to leave come up to the house and get your papers. If you don't have papers from me they can take you back and sell you again. Come right now and get them and leave, if that's what you want to do. I don't own you and I don't want to own you. You're men, just like me and just as good too.”

“All right. I'll come right now and get my papers. If that'll be all right with you, sir.” Jericho challenged him.

“Come, follow me.” Daniel walked toward the house. They all followed in behind him, amazed that what he'd promised them was being carried out right then and there. Daniel sat at his desk, signed the papers and handed them to Jericho. “There you are. There's some money for a train ticket too. Now, go on and let Marion pack you some food and you can be on your way.”

The man looked down at the papers and back at Daniel. He didn't say anything. Slowly he turned to leave. Everyone watched him go with eyes wide. He paused at the door. When he turned, his face was streaked with tears. He hung his head as he said. “Sir.” He still clutched the papers in his hands. “If it's all the same to you, I think I'd like to stay and work off my debt to ya.” He laid his papers on Daniel's desk.

“Like I said, Jericho, stay as long as you like. You're a free man.” Daniel looked around the room. “You all are. You're free. Just tell me when you want to go and I'll get everything squared away for you.”

Jonas looked at Ester and smiled as he hugged her tightly. “This here is a new and fine day! A real fine day!” He beamed with pride.

Jonas and his family settled into the cabin and the others, Isaiah and Jericho, had their own little shanty at the edge of the field.

Marion giggled as they walked back to the house that evening.

“Why are you laughing? Did I do something funny? Let me in on the joke.” Daniel said.

“I was just thinking about all their names.” Marion smiled. “Looks like you ran down the Bible at the auction. Jonas, Ester, Isaiah, Jericho and the boy Thomas. I guess you mistook the girl, Thorney for Jesus’ crown. Do you see the pattern here?”

“Well, that's just confirmation.” He put his arm around Marion. “We did the right thing.”

The days passed and surprisingly enough, John's childhood idea was working. Jonas and his family lived as an independent family: his wife Ester, their girl, Thorney and boy, Thomas. Jonas and Ester came from the fields everyday tired but happy, their children skipping behind them.

“Sarah, run and tell Ester that tomorrow is my baking day and I want her to come over and help me. Let her know that she can take some of the loaves home with her too.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Sarah skipped down to the old cabin. Ester was in the yard poking and jabbing in a wash-pot full of laundry.

“Hey, Miss Sarah. What brings you around this evening?”

“Momma wanted me to tell you that tomorrow is her baking day and she needs you to help. She wanted me to let you know that you could have some of the bread too.”

“I'll be there first light, then.” Ester nodded.

“Come here, Miss Sarah and look at this!” Thorney called to her from the porch where she sat looking at a catalog.

“What is it?” Sarah walked over.

“Look here in dis here book.” She pointed to a picture of doll carriage. “Muh say we can have anything in dis book now, we just gotta iron it! I'm gonna iron me dis doll buggy! Does you see anything you wants?”

“Did you say iron it?”

“Yeah, dat's what I say! Anything, just anything in dis whole book, you can have if ya iron it.” Sarah noticed the heavy, metal iron setting on the porch floor. The girl plopped the book down and laboriously hoisted the heavy iron over the picture and dropped it where she began to shove the iron back and forth over the doll carriage. “Now, is there anything you want?” Sarah looked at the page and saw a beautiful doll.

“I'd like that doll,” she pointed.

“She sho'ly is pretty. I done ironed her for myself, but I'll iron her for you too.” She moved the iron back and forth over the doll's picture and said. “I be ironing dis here doll for Miss Sarah DuVal.” She spoke in a slow, purposeful tone.

Sarah smiled. She liked this game! She sat down on the porch with Thorney and they took turns ironing just about everything in that book. When she returned home that evening, Sarah told Jennie and Betty about how to iron stuff in the catalog that you want and you will get it. They sat in the parlor with the catalogs and the heavy cast iron and took turns picking out and ironing everything they wanted.

Daniel walked in and sat in his chair. “What are you young'uns doing?”

“We're ironing the things we want.” Sarah informed him. “You can have anything in here you want if you iron it.”

“And where did you come up with this notion?”

“Thorney. She said her momma told her that from now on they could have anything they ironed! And we can have anything we iron too.”

“Sarah, sweetie.” Daniel chuckled. “Ester meant that now they could have anything they earned. She's saying ‘earn’ not iron.”

“Oh.” Sarah's face dropped. “Thorney's going to be so disappointed.”

Ladies began to invite Marion to teas and gatherings. The men folk included Daniel in their meetings. Over time the talks at the meetings grew more serious as the DuVal slaves began to act independent and free, going into town and shopping at the stores with Ester and her children even daring to visit the library!

One evening at a dinner party held by the Eastlands it all came to a head when Mr. Eastland started by saying. “Now, Daniel, I don't want to tell you how to run your place, but you do know it ain't good business to hire the local peons and set your slaves free. My Trissy said that little slave gal of yours came right up to her and just started talking to her. You have them walking around town just as big as day and they're getting to where they don't know their place!”

“Place? What place would that be, now? Under my thumb and under your little Trissy's heel?”

“Without control and order they'll turn back to their wild ways, all running around wild as jackrabbits with gourds on their tails! They have to be told what to do. Do you see what I'm saying?”

“Yeah, I see. I buy them, I train them, I own them and I work them to death. No thanks, I'll do business my own way. I'm quite certain that my six slaves having freedom ain't going to ruin the world.”

“You're more stubborn than my worst mule. But I understand how it is with you. Your money was easily come-by, I had to work to get to where I am.”

Daniel laughed loudly. “Don't try to pull that on me, Eastland. I know all about your inheritance. I think the only hard work you did was swindling your brother out of his share.”

Mr. Eastland's face turned as red as a boiled beet. “You'll never rise above your petty ideals and stupidity.” He wheeled around and stomped away.

Marion, in the meantime, was having her own confrontations with the ladies.

“I simply don't see how you manage to make ends meet with your husband throwing money to the riff-raff as he does. You really should talk some sense into him. Your slaves are an investment and you're not getting the most out of them by setting them free. Free to wander around town as if they're just like us.”

“I will not own another human being, Mrs. Eastland. It's not right. I don't care if we go broke we will never become a master of humankind. Why, you people give more freedom to your old dogs than you do the slaves. I think it's shameful and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

“Give them an inch they'll take a mile. We paid good money for them. We have a right to expect them to stay where we put them or else we will chain the hell out of them. You talk as if those blasted cannibals are as good as we are!” Mrs. Eastland snapped. “I can't even go into town with my daughter anymore. That darn Hamilton lets them try on the bonnets and everything in the store. I wouldn't dare shop there now. Your letting them roam like you do is reckless, to say the least! It's not safe for you or your family either. It's folks like you who get burned out, if you know what I mean.”

“Is that a threat?” Marion's voice rose.

“No, dear, it's a kindly warning,” Mrs. Eastland emphasized. “I've heard the talk. I'm just looking out for you and your family's welfare.”

“You're looking out for us?” Marion huffed. “The very idea!” She slapped her napkin on the table. “It looks as if I'm spoiling tea for you good ladies. Please excuse me, I have to be getting home. I have work to do.” Marion angrily bounded from the room. She found Daniel standing on the porch of the fine Eastland mansion as she was making her stormy exit.

“Ready to go?” He smiled at her, as though knowing that they'd both had enough of this pompousness.

“Past ready,” she answered as she stomped down the steps. Daniel stood there for a minute more. “What's wrong, Daniel?” She turned and looked up at him.

“Nothing... just thinking.”

“About what?”

“That day I came here looking for work those years ago. Now, here we are coming here for parties and social events. I know one thing for sure, Marion... no matter how much money we make, land we buy or fine houses we build, we'll never be one of these people.” He motioned his head toward the Eastland home in exasperation.

“I wouldn't have it any other way.” Marion smiled. “I like being myself. I love having standards and backbone enough not to roll with the flow when that flow is terribly wrong.”

“Me too.” He stepped down, took his wife's hand and led her to their carriage. “Let's go home.”

This was their last attempt at joining the socialites of Giles County, Tennessee.

As they walked into the house Marion saw Sarah, in the parlor on her knees, wiping up a spill from the embroidered-Spanish rug. “What have you done now?” She huffed as she walked over and looked at the spot “ The rug is ruined! I've told you not to bring drinks in here! Now, just look at what you've done!” Marion, already angry from her evening at the Eastland's, lashed out at Sarah. “We always bring trouble on ourselves by trying to help others! Indians and slaves alike!”

“Marion!” Daniel grabbed her arm. “Stop it, that's enough! That's our daughter and you've hurt her enough over Aggie's death! You just said, not thirty minutes ago, that you were better than this! You don't like rolling with a flow that's terribly wrong? Well, neither do I!”

Cora walked in. “I told you to get that up before they got home, Sarah.”

“You can do it yourself from now on!” Sarah threw the rag at Cora and ran from the room crying.

“Cora May, you're the one who spilt milk on the rug?” Daniel questioned.

“Yes, sir. But it was an accident. Nathan was chasing me and I fell with my milk and it spilt. I told Sarah to have it up before you and Momma got back. But she was too slow!”

“Why didn't you clean it up yourself?”

“Well, Nathan says Sarah has to earn her keep, so she should have to clean up after us.”

“Oh, he did, huh? I've got news for you and Nathan, everyone around here does their part and everyone around here cleans up after themselves. You get that spot up, now.”

“I'm going to rest for a while.” Marion went upstairs to her and Daniel's bedroom. Tears of regret stung her eyes. Why couldn't she love this Indian child as a mother should? It had once been so easy. But Agnes's death had stripped that love from her heart. Maybe it would be better for Sarah if she knew the truth. Marion went to the chiffarobe, opened the door and reached to the back where she kept a small box. It held the beads that the Indian mother had placed over Sarah's head when she was born. Marion slowly made her way to Sarah's room and knocked on the door. “May I come in?” She softly spoke. Sarah swiped the tears off her face and sat up on the bed from where she'd been sobbing into her pillow.

“Yes.” Sarah sniffled.

Marion came through the door and just stood for a moment. “Sarah you know you're different, don't you?”

“I feel alone sometimes, like nobody but John really loves me. Does that make me different?”

Marion sat beside her and held the box on her lap. She reached over and smoothed Sarah's long, shiny hair. “Your hair is so silky and straight, not like ours. But it is just like someone else's. Someone who loved you with all their heart.”

“Who? Who loved me and had hair like mine?”

“Well, there's something you need to know. Maybe it'll help you to know who you really are. I know this person who loved you so much wanted you to know who she was, I just never knew when exactly I should tell you and when you'd be old enough to keep this secret. Are you old enough to keep a secret if I tell it to you?”

“Yes, ma'am. I can keep a secret. I can keep a secret for as long as you want me to.”

“Well, this is a secret that you can't tell anyone, not even your closest friend. You are really an Indian. Your real mother was a Cherokee woman. She was hurt very bad on the move west. Daniel and John found her while they were out hunting and brought her home where we cared for her. We tried our best but she was hurt too bad. She died right after she had you. I had just lost a baby so you fit in perfectly. No one knew the difference.”

“Did you know her name?”

“The only thing she said before she died was the word, Sehoya. From that we decided to name you Sarah.”

“Sehoya.” Sarah softly repeated the name. “I'm Sehoya.”

“She also wanted you to have these.” Marion handed her the box. Sarah opened it and saw the carved beads for the first time. They were dark and shiny. Small, intricate designs decorated each round wooden bead. “They're so beautiful.” She lifted them from the box and held them as if they were alive with the spirit of her mother.

“I hope that knowing this helps you. But remember, you can never tell anyone else. We hid you for a reason. Life as an Indian is worse than that of being a Negro slave. Men want to rule over Negro slaves, but they seek to completely obliterate Indians... Erase them from the face of the earth. You must keep our secret.”

“Yes, ma'am. I will.” Sarah lovingly gazed upon the beads.

“Here, let me help you to put them on.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Sarah smiled. “Momma, I feel that I should be sad to know that I'm not really a DuVal, but I'm not. I'm glad of who I am. Now I understand why I've always felt like an outsider. I am an outsider, and knowing this does help me. Thank you, Momma.”

That night Sarah rested peacefully knowing that she was Sehoya. She was a Cherokee.

The next morning, Daniel called the workers together. “I hate to say this, but it looks like we're ruffling too many feathers. For everyone concerned, I have to ask you all not to go into town without us. I know it's not fair, but it's the world we live in. I suppose the only way to live like you want to live is to move north, and I won't blame you if you do.”

Jonas looked at Daniel. “Me and mine is staying until we work off our debt to you, sir. That's the least we can do for what you done for us.”

“I sure would appreciate it. But as I said, any of you can go at any time. If it gets too bad for you here, I'll understand.”

In the end all of them decided to work off the debt before beginning to save every penny to move north.

Nathan and Cora stood down by the stream watching as Sarah, Greta, Shane, Jennie, Bettie and now Thorney and Thomas were all swimming, climbing trees and swinging on grape vines. They laughed and squealed, splashed and played. Cora looked at Nathan. “Can't we just go play a little? We don't have to like them. It's our stream too.”

“No!” Nathan spat the word at Cora.

“Why not?”

“You do what you want to, I'm going to the house.” He turned to leave. Cora stayed. Nathan paused and turned. “Cora.” He huffed. He couldn't believe she hadn't trailed behind him like a puppy. “Come on!”

“But you said I could stay if I wanted to.”

“You wanna stay down here with a bunch of gals, Injuns and Negras?”

“Um, no... no. I'm coming with you.”

“Well, if you want to.”

The look in his eyes let her know she'd better want to. She wistfully looked back as they walked away. It was becoming so hard to hate gals, Injuns and Negras!

Back in Rochester, John still worked at the Gazette when he wasn't zigzagging the southern lands. They continued to print the paper even though it was more difficult to get it to their intended readers... southerners. The southern states had banned it from traveling through the mail, with more and more states censoring it. But thankfully, this southern gent, ‘Kyle Adams,’ could go anywhere he pleased and take the copies with him. Most times he played the part of a poor southern farmer. Men who didn't own plantations or businesses were more prone to listen to him. But heaven help him if a hot-head found him out. John slipped around at night leaving the Gazette in businesses, on doors, in parked wagons or anywhere he could get away with doing so.

Many of the people he talked to were sympathetic, yet even more were not. There were times he could almost feel the noose around his neck. He was quick to leave one town and head for the next, never staying in any place more than a night. By the time anyone knew he was there, he had already gone. Like a breeze, he quickly swept through their towns, leaving behind a breath of fresh air for those who also wished to take up the cause.

Chapter Seven

* * * *

Sarah's folks, who were now well off, encouraged her to try Eagleton's school. “You're taking up space in the free school that some poor child could be using. Maybe you should try Eagleton,” Marion said.

“But my friends go to the free school and I love Mrs. Lykes. I don't know anyone at Eagleton.”

“You know Trissy. You two seemed to have a good time when we were visiting the Eastland's.”

“She's all right I guess, but I don't know her like I know Greta and Shane, they're my best friends.”

“You'll make new friends. Try it.”

“If I don't like it can I please go back to the free school?”

“We'll see.” Even though they were going to go to different schools, Sarah would still meet Greta, Shane and Vivian Thompson at the first covered bridge on the Old Wagon Road so they could all walk into town together.

Vivian, who was thirteen years old, thought herself too grown up to really pal with them. She just walked ahead and paid little mind to what they said or did. Greta, who was ten, had long white-blond hair that reminded Sarah of what she imagined angel's hair must be like. It was so fine and silky. The sunlight danced through it causing tiny beams of light to sparkle around her head.

Her brother Shane, who was a year older, had blonde hair too, but his was not as white as Greta's. Yet, it sparkled just the same and so did his large, sky blue eyes. Especially when he was around Sarah.

They walked down Main Street past Hamilton House and saw Mrs. Hamilton fixing the display in the window of her dress shop. She smiled and waved at them.

As they came upon the free school Sarah said, “I'll see you later.”

“I don't see why you have to go to that snooty school,” Shane huffed. “It's full of idiots.”

“Momma said I have to try it, that's why.”

“Well, just don't let them turn you into a snoot.” Greta laughed.

“Never!” Sarah walked on down Main Street toward the red brick building. The school yard was empty. She slowly opened the door and walked inside. It didn't take her long to find out that Eagleton School wasn't the place for her. She was like a new chick in the old hen house.

As soon as Sarah walked in Trissy Eastland looked over at her and smirked. “Do my eyes deceive me, or do I see Sarah DuVal coming to the real school?”

“I've heard that her whole family is a bit off,” another girl sneered.

“They're a lot off. In fact, they spend all their money on nigras just to turn right around and set ‘em free.” Trissy rolled her eyes.

Sarah hated this school. She especially didn't like that snooty Trissy Eastland! Despite all of her frills and bows, this girl had a sour demeanor and nasty attitude that no amount of finery could cover.

When the long, dreadful school day had ended, Trissy looked at Sarah with a sly grin, “See ya tomorrow.”

“No you won't. I wouldn't come back here if it were the only school on earth!”

“That's a good girl, you did learn something today, didn't you? Stay with your own flea-bitten kind!”

Sarah stomped away. She might have to put up with this kind of torment at home but she wasn't about to put up with it at school too! She would just quit.

Sarah noticed Trissy watching her as she met up with Greta and Shane. Knowing that the girl liked Shane, she smiled slyly at her as she curled her arm around his. Sometimes it really didn't pay to be rich and snooty. Oh, how Trissy would love to be walking home with Shane Thompson, Sarah knew she really did like him, fleas and all!

Later that evening Sarah sat at home feeling both furious and heartbroken. Her school days seemed to be over. She felt like she couldn't take up a spot in the free school and yet Eagleton School was out of the question. She'd rather die a long, tragic death than to go back around that Trissy Eastland!

“If you're not going to do anything but pout around all day, go on back to the free school. I'll give them the money we'd have had to pay for you to go to Eagleton,” Marion said.

Sarah's face lit up. “Do you mean it?” She ran to her mother and threw her arms around her.

“Yes, yes. Settle down now and do some work.” Marion broke free of her embrace.

“Yes, ma'am.” Sarah backed away.

The next morning, Sarah eagerly ran to meet up with her friends. “Hey you two!” she called out. “Guess what? I'm coming back to the free school!”

“Really?” Both Shane and Greta's faces lit up.

“Yeah! Isn't it wonderful?”

“I knew you wouldn't like that other school!”

“It was bad enough not having you two there, but having to put up with that mean miss prissy girl Trissy made it even worse.” Sarah looked around, “Hey, where's Vivian? Isn't she coming to school today?”

“No, she's not coming to school again, ever!” Shane announced. “She says that now she's thirteen she's done with school.”

“Learning isn't something you can grow out of,” Sarah replied.

“She never liked school much anyway. She'd rather court,” Greta said.

“It's still sad, though.”

“No, it's not. I like that she's not in school anymore... gives us some relief from her bossy self!” Shane laughed.

Sarah thought about it. What if Nathan and Cora were in school with her, too? She remembered how happy she was that they had chosen not to go. School was a place just for her. “I know how you feel,” she said. “I like it that my sister and brother choose not to come, too!”

The three somewhat liberated friends walked on toward school together. They talked about digging for the lost treasure. Rumor was, that fifty some odd years ago a stingy man had buried his life savings in three old churns. Then he took the fever and died without ever revealing his hiding place. Everyone knew the churns were buried somewhere around these parts. But just exactly where, no one could figure out. One fellow had dug the lower end of his pasture slap off, creating a deep gorge.

“I know where I'd like to dig,” Shane exclaimed. “No one has ever thought of this place and no one ever would,” he proudly boasted.

“Where different would you dig?” Sarah asked.

“Don't tell anyone. It has to be our secret. You two promise not to tell?”

“We won't tell.” They assured him. Shane leaned in and whispered.

“In the stream bed. The old man's house wasn't far from the stream and who would ever have thought to look there?”

“You just did.” Greta giggled.

“That's because I'm smart!”

“Wouldn't the constantly moving water have uncovered them by now?” Sarah asked.

“No, not if he placed big boulders on top of them or something like that.”

“It wouldn't be in that hard of a place, Shane. They say he'd go and get money out of them as he needed it. I don't see anyone moving boulders every time they want to go buy something,” Greta reasoned. “That would be too stupid.”

“You two just watch, I'm going to find them. They're in that stream! I know it! I just feel it in my bones!”

“Well, it can't hurt to look,” Sarah chimed in. “Let's go today after school. We might find it. It could very well be there.”

“Yeah, it's exciting to think we could find it. Shane could be right, stranger things have happened,” Greta pointed out.

They could hardly wait for the quest to begin. When school was over, they tore from the building as if it were on fire. At the stream they walked up and down the bank looking for large boulders to move. Greta spotted a suspicious one. It was sitting alone in the middle of the stream. Just like someone had placed it there. “Mother Nature didn't do that!” She pointed. They took off their shoes and waded into the cool waters. Tiny little perch and minnows scattered. They all got on one side of the boulder and began to push it. It didn't budge. Again they pushed with all their might. Again, nothing.

“This one isn't going anywhere.” Sarah breathed heavily from struggling with the firmly planted rock.

“One more time Sarah, Please!” Shane begged.

“All right, one more... but that's it. If it don't move this time, I'm calling it quits.”

“Ready, on the count of three again... one, two, three!” Shane called out, and they pushed at the boulder again. They felt it give a little.

“We're doing it!” Greta sang out. “We're really moving it!”

“I can't believe it's finally moving!” Sarah squealed.

Again they all gave a mighty last push and the rock gave way so suddenly that they all fell into the water. Shane's hand landed on something slimy and cold. Suddenly they saw what looked like hundreds of water moccasins swarming up from that boulder hole. “Snakes!” Shane yelled as he took off splashing and running through the water with Sarah and Greta close on his heels. They screamed and ran till they knew they were safe. They all three fell to the ground, far away from the stream.

“Is anyone bit?” Sarah asked.

They all checked themselves. They were fine.

“It's a miracle none of us were bit!”

Fear made Greta's words come out wrong as she said, “Mater woccasins will kill you dead in minutes!”

“Gosh, that was a narrow escape! Mater woccasins might even be worse than water moccasins!” Shane rolled laughing.

Sarah burst out laughing with Shane. “Yeah!” she spoke through her laughter. “I'm never going in that stream again, I don't care how much money is buried in it. How can you spend money if you're dead from a dreaded mater woccasin bite?”

They continued laughing.

“All right! I know! I said it wrong. You both sound like some blasted laughing hyenas.”

“Are you sure it ain't haughing lyennas?” Shane rolled again as they all burst out laughing.

It was decided that treasure hunts should end, but the adventurous trio didn't sit still for very long. Another idea, mystery, happening or scheme would soon sweep them into action. Like spying on Nathan who always went to the swimming hole alone, or making a sled for the goat to pull them on. They even tried to become invisible by finding a lizard under a moonflower vine late in the evening when the sun and the moon shines together. Ester had told them that if they found such a lizard and caught it for her, that they could become invisible. She had an invisibility potion that only needed that certain lizard. They'd wait for the sun and the moon to shine together so they could go looking for lizards and moonflower vines.

Saturday, when the field work was done, Thorney and Thomas were coming with Sarah, Greta and Shane to build a secret place in the woods. It would be their special hideout, but Sarah found out on Saturday that there would be no games with friends for her.

“Sarah,” Marion said. “You will have to do the inside housework today. I'm going to tend to the widow Smith. The twins can weed the vegetable garden. Nathan will be helping Poppa in the field, so make sure you have lunch ready for them. Cora, you come and help me today.” Marion laid out their chores.

The widow Smith had been under the weather ever since she'd had her last baby. Her title made her sound much older than twenty-one years old. She had been only sixteen when she'd married the fifty-year-old Mr. Smith five years earlier. He'd just been killed two months ago, leaving the pregnant young woman alone with three other children. But most thought she was better off without him. He didn't do much of anything but work her to death, plant her full of babies and beat her. He had money, that's how he got her. Her parents pushed her into marrying rich... or their idea of rich... and she'd been black and blue or pregnant ever since. When she wasn't big and pregnant, he was jealous of her. Now that he'd been killed in a barroom brawl perhaps the young woman could get some peace.

“I'll see you all tonight,” Marion said as she picked up her basket of breads and preserves then left with Cora. They walked down the hill toward the Smith place, about three miles away. The house was in a lovely setting amid a grove of apple trees. When the trees were in full bloom, the view was breathtaking.

Greta and Shane stopped by the house to get Sarah. “I can't go today. I've got to help around the house. Momma had to go help the widow Smith.”

“All right. We'll see you later.” Greta shrugged as she and Shane left.

Once her friends were gone, Sarah continued her chores washing the breakfast dishes and putting them away. She then wandered up the stairs into Nathan's room to make his bed and gather his dirty clothes. She checked the bed to see if it was wet. Even at fifteen, Nathan still hadn't grown out of taking his, ‘night baths’ as John had called it. She was glad to find it was dry. She wouldn't have to sun the mattress, so heavy and awkward to drag outside. She made his bed and took his dirty laundry and added it to her pile.

The twins had made their bed. They were quite responsible six year olds. Sarah took their dirty pinafores. Then lastly, she checked her parents’ room. It was spic and span, so she took her bundles to the wash tub and scrubbed them. After hanging them in the warm sun to dry she went in to fix the noon meal. She took a loaf of fresh baked bread, sliced it and placed it on the table with some plum preserves. She added butter, a platter of fried chicken and a pitcher of tea. Just as she was setting the tea down, Nathan came into the kitchen.

“Poppa sent me to fetch our lunch.”

“Sit down and have a glass of tea while I fix y'all up a basket.” Sarah reached for several cloth napkins and the basket. She packed it with care. Nathan huffed as he waited for her to get through.

“You stupid nit-wit! You knew I'd be coming for our lunch at noon... why didn't you have it ready when I got here?”

“Now, how was I supposed to know you and Poppa wouldn't be coming in to eat? If I had known this little turn of events, I'd have had it ready for you.”

“Don't try being sassy you, Injun witch... it'll get you in trouble.” He snorted. “Give me the basket.”

As Sarah handed him the food, Nathan jerked it from her hand so suddenly that it fell to the floor spilling everything. He grabbed Sarah and whipped his fist across her face. She cried out and put her hand over her face.

“Oh, shut up,” he snarled. “You'll live.” He took some food then turned to leave. “If you go tattling on me, I can make it worse next time. You know that, don't you?” Sarah shook her head as she held her aching face. “Now, get this mess cleaned up.” He walked out, slamming the door behind him, and strutted off toward the field.

Sarah watched him go. The tears were stinging her eyes and when he was far enough away, she quietly began to sob. She couldn't let anyone know what had happened, no matter how badly she wanted to tell on him. She believed Nathan could, and would, make it worse next time. She cleaned the mess from the floor and washed her face. Then she took several deep breaths before calling the twins in for lunch. They had probably gotten through weeding the small vegetable garden long ago, but stayed out to play in the dirt. They loved digging and making villages of sticks, rocks and mud. They wouldn't come in on their own.

“Time to eat!” Sarah called. “Come in and get washed up!” The twins giggled as they skipped toward Sarah. Then Jennie stopped suddenly.

“Oh Sarah, what happened to your face?”

“Does it look bad?” Sarah touched where Nathan had belted her.

“Yeah, it's all red and a little purple. What happened?”

“I— I, guess I was stumbling around in the dark and tripped. I must have hit my face harder than I thought,” Sarah lied. “Now come on in, lunch is ready.”

When the rest of the family came in that evening, they all noticed Sarah's face. One by one she told each the same lie as Nathan glared at her. By Monday her cheek was a vivid purple. She didn't want to face her friends at school and have to lie to them too, so she decided that she would stay home until the bruise went away. But when Greta appeared on the doorstep immediately after school, Sarah's heart sank. Greta knew her too well, knew she would never miss school without a good reason.

“My, Lord!” Greta exclaimed, gently touching her friend's bruised face, “What happened to you?”

“I— I stumbled and hit it against the corner of the bed.” Sarah told her. “Let's go for a walk.”

“All right.” As the friends wandered down to the stream Greta took Sarah's arm. “Now, what really happened to you?”

“Oh, Greta, I do need someone to talk to but you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone!”

“I won't tell, not if you don't want me to.”

“I don't want you to. Not even Shane. If it gets out it will make it worse for me.”

“You can trust me. You know you can.”

“Nathan got mad with me for, well, I don't know why he got mad with me and he... ”

“That over-grown ox hit you?” Sarah looked away. “This is it, somebody's going to have to do something! He's getting worse by the day!”

“What are you going to do? You can't tell on him. I told you, that will only make it worse for me! You gave me your word, Greta!”

“Sarah, your folks need to know what he did to you.”

“What can they do about it? Kick him out of the house? You and I both know that's never going to happen. Sure they'll get on to him... make him do extra chores or even take a strap to him. If I get him in trouble it'll just make him ten times madder with me and I'll get worse than this next time. He'll take his extra chores out of my hide.”

“They should know what he did.”

“No, it's better for me if I just keep this to myself. Greta, you'd better not tell either! It can only make him worse. Just be my friend.”

“But Sarah... ”

“I mean it, Greta Thompson! Not a word.”

“There's nothing I can do?”

“You're my best friend and I needed to tell someone I could trust.”

“You can tell me anything. But it still hurts that I'm helpless. I hate Nathan... I really do!”

“I'm helpless too, Greta. But hate doesn't do me any good. I'm just trying to live. It's hard to live in a family when you know you have no right to be there.”

“What are you saying?”

Sarah realized that Greta, who didn't know the DuVal family secret, had no idea what she was talking about and she didn't dare tell her, so she simply said, “Nothing, really. Just forget about it.”

Chapter Eight

* * * *

Fall was unusually cold. By the thermometer on Mr. Hamilton's window it had gotten down to fifteen degrees in early October. The cold weather had crept in during the night along with a misty rain and bone-chilling winds, so that an oppressive grayness hung over the valley. This cold lingered on for weeks. It was unrelenting and bitter, making the trek to and from school harder and harder for Sarah and her friends to manage. The ruts and holes on the old wagon road held mud and icy water that coated their shoes and soaked their feet. Since only a couple of students lived close enough to make it every day, the school closed early for winter.

Sarah usually enjoyed fall but there were no sunny, crisp autumn days this year. She felt absolutely claustrophobic locked up in the house with Nathan and Cora. Those two were almost always on her about something, especially Nathan. Her room was her only escape and she spent most of her time there. When she ventured out they were there to torment her. Yesterday it was how she breathed and today it was how she ate. She wondered what it would be tomorrow. How she drank, what she wore or how she sat? She knew for sure it would be something to make her feel miserable, outcast or stupid.

As she sat alone in her room she prepared for the evenings lessons with Jenny and Betty. She found joy in spending this time with them. They idolized her. Next year they would be walking to school with her every day. On these icy evenings, Sarah sat with the girls teaching them all they'd need to know for the coming year. They would start out well ahead of the others.

Every month like clockwork, letters came from John. The postmarks were from all over. South Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, Alabama. He said his work kept him on the road all the time. Sarah wondered why he couldn't visit her and the rest of his family if he could visit all those places. Did none of his travels bring him to Tennessee? It had been four years already. Would he ever come home again? Did he even care to see her anymore or this beautiful home they'd built? Didn't he care to see any of his family? The letters gave her comfort, but she wanted more. She longed for the good times, the understanding and the love that he so freely gave her. He was her hero and she missed him terribly. Some nights she cried herself to sleep thinking over the past and his sweet care of her. His smile when he was reading her stories. His praise when she'd done something well. His gentleness and soothing voice when she was hurt. This pain in her heart was sometimes too great to bear, especially on days when Nathan had been bitterly critical and cruel to her. The only thing that made these cold, gloomy days bearable was teaching. Soon Thorney was coming every evening to join Sarah, Jennie and Bettie in the lessons. Then came Thomas and pretty soon Ester and even Jonas came. They had to turn the dining room into a school room and Marion helped Sarah teach them all. They seemed to learn better on baking days. It must have been the sweet smell of the fresh bread along with the cozy warmth it created. The proudest day was when Jonas was able to read the Holy Scriptures. He tripped over some of the words, but he patiently sounded them out, determined to get them right. As Marion cleared away the books that evening Jonas stood, holding his hat with Ester and the children beside him as he spoke.

“Miss Marion, I sho'ly do appreciate what all ‘y'all has done for us. Next to the freedoms, dis here teachin’ be about the best next thang. I ain't never thought I'd be able to read the printed words for myself. Or my family either. God bless you, ma'am.”

“Well, Jonas, you know you'll have to keep quiet about this. We've already got into trouble around here. If they find out we're letting you read too we'll get burned out for sure. But I want you to be ready when it's time to set off up north. An education opens the door to the world.”

“That's the truth, ma'am. That's the God's honest truth.”

Kyle Adams had been making a name for himself. The bigger his name grew, the more danger came to him. One night he narrowly escaped a lynching mob. He hadn't done anything but give his name to an inn keeper in a small Alabama town... but evidently that was enough, John had been recognized.

Late that night, a thin slave girl, in a plain flour-sack dress came to his door. She was small, barely coming up to John's waist and her hair stood out on her head like a large frizzed knot. “Mr. Adams, sir.” She whispered. “I be Tad, Mr. Sims’ girl. I come to warn you ‘bout him.”

“What about him?” John asked.

“I heard him talking. He ain't knowed I heard him, but I did. You gots to get out of here, and you gots to get out of here soon! He going to get his friends and they is going to lynch you tonight. They gonna hang you from that bridge down yonder.”

“Why would they do that? And just how do you know?” His heart raced.

“Because they know you be that Adams fellow that they hates. They know you been bringing those papers all over the South and helping slaves to run away. They hate you, they do! I hear everything.”

John quickly gathered his things with trembling hands. He felt like he was going to be sick. The little girl kept watching him with her large round saucer like eyes.

Finally she spoke. “Sir, can I come with you?”

John turned suddenly. “No, no, that's impossible!”

“But I been waiting for a chance... I've been praying for a chance, and you be it. I know you be it!”

“Don't be crazy, child! The winter is hard this year. I'm leaving on foot. You wouldn't last a minute out there, you're too little!”

“I won't last a second if I stay here. He'll know I tipped you off and he'll be wanting to kill me, like he wants to kill you. But if you can live with yourself, knowing I died for you, you go on and leave without me, Mr. Adams, sir.” She shook her small head in disappointment.

“You have anything you want to bring?” John asked her. The girl smiled big. Her dark lips showed a sharp contrast to her pearly white teeth. It seemed as if her entire face lit up.

“No, Sir. I ain't gots nothing to take, ‘cept myself and what's on my back.”

“No coat? Nothing warmer to wear?”

“No, Sir. What you sees is all they is.”

“Good Lord! Could you pick a worse time to want to light out, little Tad?”

“This is my chance. God picked this time, not me.”

John flung his coat off and wrapped her in it. The sleeves hung to her knees and the coat's hem brushed her ankles. “We'll fix it better later. There's no time to spare.” He grabbed his bag and Tad's hand and they left together, running through the cold night. The small girl could barely keep up with him, weighed down in his heavy coat. She tripped over it and landed on the ground. He grabbed her up and slung her on his back, like a sack of potatoes, never missing a step. He ran for what seemed like hours. Oh, how he longed to see the light of a safe house. He kept going with the child holding tightly to his shoulders. He felt his body wanting to quit. He was so cold. But he kept running with all his might, following the north star as he had told so many others to do. They had to get to safety soon or they'd both be goners. Suddenly, in the distance, John saw a flicker of light through the trees. Was it? Could it be a safe house? John dropped the child from his shoulders. “You wait here, little Tad. Understand?”

“What you gonna to do? You can't leave me out here! I'll die of fright and freeze!”

“I'm going to get us a place to stay for the night, I hope. Keep moving and don't stop. Jump up and down or something.”

“What?” Tad looked puzzled.

“It'll keep you from freezing. Just keep hopping.”

“Yessir.” She shivered as she watched him go. She jumped up and down and twisted while the big coat flapped.

John looked back and smiled at the sight. “Good job, little Tad, keep it up!” he whispered.

“Hurry back! It's scary out here!” she whispered back.

All of the lights inside the house were out. Everything was pitch dark, except for the light burning on the post in the yard. That was the signal of a safe house... that's what they'd always told the slaves to look for. John felt his insides tighten. He could only imagine the fear if he were a black man standing here. Not knowing for sure if this was a friendly house, or a trick, or someone had just left their light burning by accident. He knocked on the door and soon heard footsteps in the house. They walked slowly toward the door. John wanted to hurry them up so he pounded louder. “I'm coming!” A man's voice shouted. His steps were quicker. “Who's there?”

“I'm looking for a safe house.” John called back. The door flung open. The man held his lamp up to see John.

“But, you're not... ”

“I know, I'm not a slave. But I'm in trouble just the same. Is this a safe house?” The man hesitated as though he was being tricked into saying something. But, he must have seen some of the desperation in John's face, because he seemed to relax a little.

“Yes, this is a safe house, come in.” He motioned to John.

“There's someone with me. A little Negro girl. I needed to check you out before I let her be seen.”

“Very well, let's go get her.” He handed John a blanket. When they brought Tad in she was shivering violently. They sat her in front of a roaring fire with a cup of hot tea, still wrapped in John's large coat.

“My hands is stinging, and my feets too!” Tad cried as the warmth began bringing the feeling back to her hands and feet that had been numbed by the cold.

“It'll ease up in a minute.” John rubbed her hands quickly.

“Here, you sit down and have a cup of tea, too,” the man told John. “You're about blue yourself, boy!”

“I sure could use a cup, mister.” John held the cup with both hands to warm them.

“You two sure did pick a fine time to leave, didn't you?” The man said as he sat in his large rocker.

“We didn't pick the time, sir. Like little Tad said, it kind of picked us.” He winked at the little girl.

“Care to tell me about it?”

“Well, I was supposed to be lynched tonight and if it hadn't been for this little one here,” He motioned towards Tad, “I guess I would have been. She told me about the plot, and I brought her to keep her safe in case they knew it was her who told me.”

“I see. And why were you going to be lynched?”

“Because I'm Kyle Adams,” John confessed.

The man's face brightened. “Mr. Adams! Oh gracious, I've heard so much about you! May I shake your hand?” He jumped from his chair and thrust his hand toward John.

“Of course.” John offered his hand.

“It's mighty nice to meet you; I can't believe you're in my home.”

“Neither can I, sir. I thought we'd both die out there in that cold before we found you. What's your name?”

“I'm Sam Frank.”

“Mighty nice to meet you, Mr. Frank... you keep a warm and cozy house here.” John grinned. “I'm so grateful to you for all you're doing, not just for us, but for everyone.”

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from a man like you. My wife is away visiting her folks. I can't tell you how much she admires you too. She thinks mighty highly of you, Adams, that's for sure. She'll be so disappointed if she doesn't get to meet you while you're here.”

“It's good to be thought well of, but I fear there are more people who hate me than admire me. They probably got the bloodhounds after us by now.” John noticed Tad yawning. Her eyes were starting to droop.

“I suppose it's time we got you two in bed.” Mr. Frank stood. “Don't worry about the bloodhounds. I have my ways... and I doubt they'll venture out on a night like this to hunt anyone down.”

John stood up. “Then I'm more than ready to lie down. Come along, little Tad.” He smiled at the child. They followed Mr. Frank to a room.

“It's a bit cool in here, but there's plenty of covers to keep y'all warm.”

“Thank you, sir. This will do fine.” The room was large with three beds and a cot. “I see you get many overnight guests.”

“At times we have many. We don't like to put anyone on the floor on these cold nights. It's better to be over-stocked than under, I think.”

“You're right.”

“Well, I'll leave you two to get settled in for the night. Have a good rest.”

“Thank you.”

“And I thanks you too, Sir.” Tad smiled.

“You're both very welcome. Now, get some rest. Oh, can I have your coat for the night?”

“Sure, but why?”

“I'm going to throw the scent off to the creek... just in case, ya know?” Mr. Frank left the room.

It was a bit chilly but a lot safer and much better than freezing outside. John tucked Tad into her bed with its down mattress and several heavy quilts. She was quite warm in just a little while. John sat on the side of his bed. He rubbed his face with his hands. What is to be done with little Tad? He lay back in bed and pulled the quilts over his body.

John woke the next morning to see a small black image standing beside his bed quietly watching him sleep. He jumped awake and Tad jumped back. “Good Lord! What in the world are you doing there?”

“I— I have to do something and I don't know where to do it at.”

“What on earth do you have to do?”

“I have to make water, sir.”

“Make what?”

“Water... you know. I have to go.” Tad did a little jumping dance.

“Oh, I see,” John laughed. “There must be a chamber pot around here or something.” John got on his hands and knees and checked under his bed, but he didn't see anything.

“I done looked.”

“I guess you're going to have to go outside and look for the outhouse.”

“It's too cold to go outside.”

“Come on. It's better to be a little cold than a lot wet.” He smiled. Tad chuckled and threw her blanket around herself. They peeped out and looked all around, but they saw no outhouse.

“I know, I bet he has a water closet.”

“A what?”

“It's a place inside to use like an outhouse.”

“Oh... eew! That's nasty! A commode in the house?”

“Actually, it's very clean and modern. Who would have thought this country house would have one,” John said as the little girl fidgeted.

“I can't hold it no more!”

“Well, since it's an emergency, just run over there behind the shed.” John pointed. Tad took off running and disappeared around the corner of the shed.

She came out in a few minutes. “That was a close call. We gots to figure this place out before the next time I have to go.”

“That we do.” John chuckled and took her small hand in his. It felt good to hold this little hand... it felt like Sarah's. He looked into her small black face, and his heart went out to her. This little one was so alone and so small yet so brave and cheerful. They went in and sat down at the kitchen table.

“How old are you, little Tad?” John asked.

“I think I'm almost nine.”

“You don't know?”

“Not for sure. I was sold when I was three to Mr. Sims. That was five years ago, but nobody knows my exact birthday.”

“Where's your folks?”

“I don't know. I never knowed them.”

“Were you the only slave Mr. Sims owned?”

“No, Sir. There was momma Joan. She was the cook and all. I was just supposed to be a playmate for the Sims’ daughter, Elsie... but when Elsie died, I was turned into a maid like momma Joan.”

“What kind of work did you do?”

“I make the beds and clean the rooms. Sometimes helped momma Joan cook and wash up the dishes.”

“Were the Sims good to you?”

“Shoot no! Mr. Sims hate me and momma Joan! He would just drink and hit us. He gots a mean spirit in him. He even hit Mrs. Sims some. He was an overseer before he bought that hotel, and he hates slaves worse than anything. Momma Joan told me, overseers are the meanest men on earth and I believe she's right!”

“It's a mighty hard world out there, with a lot of hateful people in it.”

“That's for sure, Mr. Adams! That's for sure!”

“You can call me John.”

“I thought your first name be Kyle?”

“It is, but friends call me John... and you're my friend, right?”

“Yeah, Mr. John, I be your friend.”

“Did you two rest well?” Mr. Frank entered the kitchen where they sat talking.

“I know I did... really well!” John smiled.

“And how about you, little one?” Mr. Frank looked at Tad.

“Good, sir. Very good. But I needs to know where to go. I almost went on myself this morning before I just went over behind your shed.”

“Oh, that will never do.” Mr. Frank chuckled in his deep voice. “Come and I'll show you were to go.” He led John and Tad upstairs. “Mrs. Frank is from the Northeast and wouldn't rest until I had built her a, ‘proper’ water closet. But a hole's a hole, I always say!”

“Well, this be a mighty fancy hole, Mr. Frank, Sir,” Tad said as she peered through the door.

They returned to the kitchen.

“I bet the two of you could go for some grub by now, huh?” Mr. Frank offered.

“That wouldn't be bad at all.” John rubbed his stomach.

“Flap-jacks sound good to ya? It's the only thing I know how to cook really well, and we have some mighty tasty jam put up by the missus to spread on them.”

John felt a rumble and growl began to vibrate at the thought of flap-jacks drowned in jam, it sounded so good. “I wouldn't be opposed to it... how about you, little Tad?”

“No, sir... I wouldn't be! I can help you out there, Mr. Frank, if you want me to. I knows just how to fix up most anything.”

“No, you're my guest here. You just take it easy this morning.” Mr. Frank smiled at the little girl.

The three sat down to a hearty breakfast of flap-jacks and strawberry jam with hot coffee.

“Sorry I don't have milk for you, Tad... but our heifer took ill and died on us.”

“Don't fret, this be mighty fitting, Mr. Frank.”

“I hope you enjoy it.”

Tad dove into the flap-jacks with all her might. When she was done the plate looked as clean as when Mr. Frank had taken it from the shelf and placed it in front of her.

“Would you like a bit more?”

“Maybe one more won't hurt me none.” She smiled. Mr. Frank passed her another flap-jack. Tad spread the jam thickly over it. She took a little longer with this one, as though taking time to savor the flavor before gulping it down. When she stood up from the table her full belly was pouched out in a little round knot. “I don't know when I et so much.” She rubbed her belly.

“You sure could use a few more meals like that, little Tad.” Mr. Frank said with a wink.

“Yeah, I sho'ly could.” She nodded her head at him. “Momma Joan always say I be skinny as a rail and po as a snake. You sho’ cook good, Mr. Frank. You could fatten me right up!”

“Well, I don't know how many more meals we'll have here, Tad. I think we should start moving on.” John looked worried.

“So soon?” Mr. Frank frowned.

“Yes, sir. You know when you're on the run, it's important to keep running.”

“Well, you can stay a few days, huh?”

“No, sir... I was thinking about moving on out today.”

“No, I won't hear of it. You and Tad need supplies and clothes. I can get them for you, but it will take time.”

“Mr. Frank... we're not far enough away from that place to stay planted here that long. Today is looking like it's going to be our best chance to head out. We need to get while the getting is good.”

“You really should stay at least another day. I can get you a wagon, food and warmer clothes. But it will take a little bit of time. No one knows you're here. You are both completely safe.”

“What if they send out the hounds for Tad?”

“If they were going to do that, they would have already done it. Besides, it's way too cold for them to search too much.”

“I suppose we could stick around one more night. I really can't drag Tad around like this. We do need those things. I had to leave everything behind, and she didn't have anything.”

“Great, then it's settled. You two can leave in the morning. We'll spend today getting you ready.”

Mr. Frank went up to the attic and brought down some warm children's clothes. They were a bit large on Tad, but that didn't matter. They were warm. Then John and Mr. Frank went out to the shed and stocked the wagon with goods, then pulled the canvas top tightly together. Finally Mr. Frank placed a rifle under the wagon bench. “That'll come in handy should there be any trouble.”

“Yes, Mr. Frank. Thank you so much, for everything. I'll find a way to repay you for this, somehow.”

“You don't worry about it, son. Just get yourself and that child to safety. We all appreciate the job you're doing and it's gracious little we're doing to help. These things are donated for just such an occasion. Yet, not one of us keeps a lot on hand, we have to go and gather it up. Looks too suspicious having too much laying around.”

“Yes, sir. I understand.”

“One time I did have the dogs track a slave man to the house, but I just said I had woke up that morning and found him stealing my food and chased him off with a shot gun. I didn't know which way he'd gone and I couldn't help it if their dogs had lost the scent.”

“How many times will that excuse hold water?”

“You'd be surprised. Folks think I'm the biggest hate monger around. All you have to do is run your mouth a little bit and they'll believe it. Folks will believe a lie quicker than they will the truth any day.”

As night fell and the wind howled around the corners of the tight warm house, the three sat down to supper together. “Seems like we're getting another blast from the north tonight.” Mr. Frank shivered.

“Yeah, I wish we could have made some ground today while it was a bit clear.”

“It'll be all right. I'm sure the sun will shine in the morning. But if not you've got a warm wagon and plenty of covers.”

“I hope you're right about that sunshine, though.” John gulped down a spoonful of stew.

That night John listened to wind screeching and howling outside. He was thankful he and Tad weren't out in that, but he was anxious to get moving before they were discovered. This close call had un-nerved him to no end. The quicker he got back north the better he'd feel! His hands still trembled a bit when he thought about the narrow escape.

The next morning when Tad woke, she went down the hall and into the water closet to do her morning business. She wished that she and John could just stay here with kind Mr. Frank and his magnificent house full of food and wonders forever. Truly, Tad had never been exposed to such things before in her short life. She went back to the bedroom and sank back into the soft, warm feather mattress. She snuggled down under the heavy quilts and closed her eyes. She was going to lay there as long as she could and engrave this feeling of being warm, full and comfortable in her mind so that she could always remember this moment, even if she never got to feel this way again. Before she knew it, John was standing over her.

“Little Tad... Time to get ready. Get up.” He gently shook her.

“We gots to go now?”

“Yeah... soon as you eat some breakfast and get dressed we have to be going.”

“Yessir.” She felt like crying.

She ate another generous helping of flap-jacks and jam, then bundled up in her new, over-sized clothes. John lifted her up in his strong arms and placed her in the back of the wagon on a soft bed with many quilts and covers. The wagon was pretty big. Bigger than she'd expected. It had another bed where John could sleep and lots of food and covers for keeping warm. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. More like an adventure than something bad. She had never traveled anywhere... maybe this was just the start of something great and wonderful for her.

John shook Mr. Frank's hand. “I'm much obliged, until you're better paid, sir.”

“You get going while the going is good and watch out for that little one.”

“I will, Mr. Frank.” John climbed onto the driver's seat. “Let's get going!” He shouted and the wagon began rumbling away.

Tad looked out the back and saw Mr. Frank watching them as they went, “Thank you Mr. Frank... I won't forget you!” she shouted.

Mr. Frank waved. “I won't forget you either, Tad! Stay safe!”

Chapter Nine

* * * *

“You're going to have to lay low for a while, John. Hum, this is a pickle. I suppose the only thing to do is kill off Kyle Adams.” Mr. Tyson sat there chewing on a cigar and intently mulling over his thoughts.

“What?” John said in shocked disbelief. “Ain't I Kyle Adams?”

“It'll be simple,” He leaned forward and grasped the stogie in his fingers. “I have people to handle the whole thing and make it look real. Then you'll be able to come and go again as you please.”

“How?”

“We have our ways. The death must be highly publicized too, especially in The South. That won't be hard. Those southern news reporters will be itching to spread the word of your undoing.” Mr. Tyson bit on his fat cigar again.

The smell of it, together with the topic, made John's stomach twist into knots. “What about Tad?”

“We'll find her a family in Canada. Won't be hard finding someone willing to take her in; she's a cute one and sharp as a thorn.”

“Make sure she gets a good home, Mr. Tyson. She deserves the best. She's a bit like my guardian angel, special to me.”

“Don't worry, son. I know of a few good families who'd love to have her. Of course we'll have to wait until spring to get her across into Canada. She's too small to try taking her now. But I'll handle the whole matter myself. She can stay at the boarding house with you until time to go. I don't suppose one little black girl will draw too much attention. She needs some outfits. I'll have my daughter's dress maker measure her this evening.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“John, from now on, it might be smart of you to use different names in every town you visit. You'll keep them mixed up that way.”

“Yes, sir. I will.”

“It gets expensive killing off aliases.” Mr. Tyson let out his throaty laugh.

“I understand.” John stood from the plush leather chair and they shook hands. “Have a fine day, Mr. Tyson.”

“You too, John. Oh, and it might not be a bad idea to see how you'd look in a mustache.”

“Excuse me, sir?”

“Wouldn't hurt to change your looks a bit. Know what I mean?”

“Yes, sir. I understand.” John walked out of Mr. Tyson's office not feeling altogether comfortable with the topic of their conversation. To fake a death, there'd have to be a body, right? Where would that come from? Who would that be? John tried to shake the thought, but it kept haunting him.

“Well, how'd it go, John?” Doug asked.

“As good as can be expected, I guess; considering.”

“What ye meanin'?”

“They're going to have to kill me off.”

“Really? What kind of food will be served at yer funeral?” Doug laughed.

“You can find something amusing about anything, can't you?”

“Better laughin’ than cryin’ and worrin', I always say. Laughin’ be keepin’ ye sane in this business.”

“And you call yourself sane, huh?”

“Sure, there ain't a thing wrong with me.” He twitched his head and flickered his eyes in an exaggerated, spastic manner.

John couldn't help laughing. “You are pure nuts, you know that!”

“Yeah, I do... but ye are too. We both got to be nuts to be puttin’ ourselves in this situation.”

“But, it's a good and noble thing we do.”

“Oh yeah, I'd give me very life to do it!” He laughed again.

“I swear, if you can make me smile on a day like today, I don't guess there's anything you can't do.”

The reports of Kyle Adams’ death indeed did spread far and wide just as Mr. Tyson had wanted. One paper John picked up read: Highly vocal abolitionist, Kyle Adams, was found dead last Tuesday hanging from a tree in southern Georgia. John wadded the paper and threw it into the fireplace. A cold chill ran down his spine. Well, looks like it's done. He looked in the mirror at his new mustache. His face was unusually pale. John wondered if he should grow a beard or merely the mustache... or should he save that until the next time he had to change his looks? He hoped there wouldn't be a next time.

John poured himself a drink, sat in his favorite chair at the front of the fireplace and closed his eyes, he was uneasy. He wasn't looking forward to going back to work. At just barely eighteen, John had already lived a life full of burdens and high expectations. He'd already died once. The thought just would not pass, that perhaps the next time, it really would be him hanging from that tree. Suddenly Tad burst through the door carrying a large box.

“Mr. John, Mr. John! Look at what Mr. Tyson sent me.” She held the box toward him.

“Let's see what you have here.” He took the package from her. Inside was a new winter coat and a fancy dress.

“And it just fits me, Mr. John! Looks like it was made just for me. It ain't too big and it ain't too small.” She beamed.

“I think it was made for just you, Tad. Remember when Mr. Tyson took you to that woman and she measured you?”

“Yessir. I just forgot.”

“Well, this is why she did that. So she could make you some clothes just to fit you.”

“You mean that these clothes won't fit nobody else on earth but me? They is mine, only?”

“That's right. They weren't made for anyone else on earth but you.”

“Oh my!” she exclaimed. “I ain't never thought I'd see a day like this.”

“And that isn't all. There'll be more coming if I know Mr. Tyson. He loves to spoil sweet little girls like you.” John patted her on her head. Then he turned to gaze back into the fire.

“What be the matter, Mr. John?” She looked puzzled.

“Nothing, my sweet little Tad... just business.”

“You in trouble?”

“No, everything is fine. You go on and put on those new duds.”

“Shouldn't I save them?” She cocked her head to one side.

“No, they were meant to be worn. Go on.” Tad smiled and eagerly ran off to change.

John didn't leave his room for days. He mulled over the fact that Kyle Adams had to die. Who was this man who had taken his place? Where did he come from? It all gave him an eerie feeling. A sickening coldness in his bones.

Doug came to his room. He poked his head through the door. “Hey there, corpse! How it be feelin’ to be dead?” he asked playfully as he entered.

“Not too good, I daresay.”

“Oh, ye got a whole new life a waitin'... wanna come out and celebrate with me?”

“Celebrate? How?”

“By livin’ it up a bit... Come on! Get out of this blasted room for a while. Stop actin’ like a dead man. Ye do know it was just a hoax, don't ye?”

“You keep joking about it and I don't think it's all that funny... you don't know how it feels!”

“Ye think not? How many times ye think I'll be dyin'? We're in this together, remember. We both know this be dangerous work, but we can't stop until we succeed. Because of people like us support for slavery is dwindling every day. Why don't ye think about that and not so much about yerself? Just live while ye can, work till ye can't and be content in doin’ what ‘tis right.” He slapped John on the shoulder. “Now come on, get up out of this chair. Tonight's the night we live it up a little or a lot, whatever happens, happens.”

John smiled. Doug was right. He couldn't let slavery enslave him. He threw on his coat and they went out for a night of freedom from everything. They drank and they laughed. They danced with all the girls they could get their hands on and didn't stumble back in till the wee hours of morning. The boarding house maid, Tess, met them at the door.

“And just where have you two been?” she snapped in her thick, Irish accent as she looked at them sharply.

“We been out celebratin'.” John slurred his words.

“Yeah, celebratin',” Doug echoed John's slurred statement.

“And just what have you two got to celebrate about?”

“We celebratin’ the death of Kyle Adams and the life of John DuVal!” John laughed.

“Ye both stink! Yer reekin’ of the liquor!”

“That ain't the liquor, ‘tis bow-legged Bonnie ye smell.” Doug patted John hard on his back. “Ain't that right, ol’ buddy?”

John looked at Doug. “Shush! Don't tell her that!” he said as he pushed his finger into his lips.

“And just where did you two do all this ‘celabratin'?”

“No, no, no. That ain't for no lady to hear about, so I ain't gonna tell you.” John wagged his finger in her face. “And Doug ain't gonna tell ya neither.”

“That's just fine, it ‘tis. I don't want to be knowin’ anyway.” Tess was trembling with anger. “I thought better of you than this sort of rigmarole, Mr. DuVal.” She stormed away.

“What's the matter with her, you reckon? Why'd she just get onto me? You were there too.” John looked at Doug. “She needs to whip up on you some, too!”

“I think she likes ye. Kissy, kissy, kissy.” Doug smacked his lips at John.

“Don't be ridickulous.” John made his way, with unsteady steps, to the parlor to sit down.

Doug soon followed him. “Haven't ye ever noticed the way she looks at ya? And her gettin’ so upset just now? She acted like she was your wife, she did for cryin’ out loud.”

“Tess? You must really be addled. How much did you drink tonight?”

“Not so much that I'd bed down ol’ bow-legged Bonnie like ye did,” Doug shot back.

“You're not going to stop teasing me about that, are you?”

“Let's see... Um, no.”

“It's not like you've never done it.”

“John, tha better ye get to know me, the better ye'll understand that there be things I will and will not do and bow-legged Bonnie is one of them I won't.” Doug cackled loudly.

“And how is it that you know where all the brothels are within fifty miles, Mr. Purity?”

“There's more to do at those places than bed down tha ladies. I may be wild, I may be tha flirt, but I'm still a gentleman.” He poked out his chest proudly.

“Well, I guess since I'm a ruined scallywag now, I'll try out lopsided Lila next time.”

John and Doug both roared in laughter as Tess passed the parlor. “Could you two take this nonsense up to yer rooms? Tad'll be comin’ down for breakfast soon and I don't want her seein’ ya like this, Mr. DuVal,” she snapped.

“Yes, dear.” Doug said as he winked at John, then left the room.

Tess stared at John. Her eyes looked as if they were shooting daggers at him. It made him uncomfortable. “Um, I'll be going up to my room now too.”

“I should hope so. I'll be bringin’ ya up a strong pot of coffee in a minute. Maybe that'll sober ya up.”

“Thank ya kindly, Miss. Tess, I'll be up in my room anticipating the soberin’ up.” He giggled as he rushed past her. He felt her angry gaze following him as he staggered up the stairs. He turned and looked back, “Did you fall on your broom handle this morning, Miss Tess?”

“Get to yer room, ye makin’ a fool of yeself, ya are!”

“Oh well, fools need love too, don't be mad at me now.” He winked as he smiled back at her.

“Get on with yeself.” She giggled as John blundered on upstairs.

In January there were a few precious days of warm weather when the temperature soared into the mid sixties. Sarah spent these days down by the stream reading John's letters. This was her favorite spot. The trickling music of the water soothed her soul as it washed over the rocks going to places she could only imagine. To her, the water was a freed spirit gaily laughing as it made its way toward new lands, cutting new paths and pushing forward to join something greater than itself. Sometimes Sarah dreamed of riding the waters to someplace far away from here: to see what the water saw; to go where the water went; to have an adventure. Like John, she craved to explore this world that she'd only read about, to reach out from a mere observer to become a real part of it. Her soaring thoughts were interrupted by a whistle echoing through the woods. It was Shane. He stepped from behind the brush to find her.

“Well, hi there, girl. You here again?” He smiled at her.

“Hi Shane. Oh yeah, you know this is my spot. What are you doing here?” She smiled back.

“Going fishin'.” He held up his pole. “It's too fine of a day to spend in the house.”

“That's true. Where's Greta?”

“She's helping Ma with our sister's wedding dress.”

“I can't believe your folks are letting her get married already!”

“Well, it's what she wants. Besides, our folks were married at her age.”

“I think I'll run over and see Greta.” Sarah stood up and packed John's letter back in her leather purse.

“She'll be glad to see you. What's that you got there?”

“Just letters from John.”

“You miss him an awful lot, don't you?”

“Yeah, Shane, I do.”

“He'll probably be coming home one of these old days.”

“I don't know,” Sarah mourned. “It's just my luck that the good brother would leave and never come back and the mean one would be with me for the rest of my life.”

Shane walked over and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You can't be like that. Besides, you have me and Greta, your luck isn't all bad, is it?” He looked into her face with his sparkling blue eyes as he gently stroked her cheek.

“You're right, I have lots to be thankful for. Sometimes it's more fun to feel sorry for myself though.” She smiled. “You're a great friend.” She looked into his eyes for a moment. “Well, good luck.” She stepped back. “I hope you catch the big one today!”

“Thanks. You and Greta have a good visit.”

“We always do.” She smiled at him again, then trotted off toward the Thompson's place as Shane watched her go.

Sarah knocked on the door and Mrs. Thompson yelled, “Come in.” As she entered, Greta was sewing the lace on Vivian's gown while Mrs. Thompson was fitting the veil. The fourteen year old bride looked like an overdressed china doll. Way too young to play the role given her. Sarah decided then and there that she would never allow herself to look so ridiculous. She didn't care if folks did call her an old maid. She wouldn't marry before her time.

“How do you like it?” Greta asked.

“The dress is beautiful.” Sarah smiled.

“Yes, we've put a lot of work into it. My baby is going to be the most beautiful bride ever!” Mrs. Thompson smiled. “So what brings you around today?”

“Nothing much, I saw Shane and he told me you two were working on the wedding dress and I just had to see it. You know I've got to see it before everyone else does,” Sarah said.

“It's so good to see you, Sarah! Hasn't this weather been just awful?”

“Yes, it certainly has been. But things are looking brighter now. I've been soaking in this wonderful sunshine.”

“I do hope it will keep shining.” Mrs. Thompson sighed. “I need to do my washing. Dirty laundry is piled high.”

“Care to help me tack on some lace?” Greta looked up at Sarah from where she sat on the floor attaching the lace.

“Sure! I'd love to help.” She sat beside Greta and held the delicate, white lace. “This is so fine it's almost not here.”

“It is, isn't it? Momma worked for hours tatting the finest thread she had.”

“It looks like it was made by spiders.” Vivian cooed. “Nothing is more delicate than that.”

“Are you calling all my hard work spider webs?” Mrs. Thompson faked being insulted as she propped her hands on her hips. Everyone laughed.

“You know we're talking about the fine delicacy of your work, Ma. Besides, I've always thought spider webs were kind of dreamy and mystical,” Vivian explained.

It was late afternoon when Sarah made it back home. “Where on earth have you been?” Marion asked.

“I was at Greta's. I went to see her sister's wedding dress and I stayed to help with it.”

“I could have used a little help around here myself,” Marion snapped. “You shouldn't have stayed so late.”

“I'm sorry, Momma. But we've all been cooped up for so long, it just felt so refreshing to get out for a while, to feel the sunshine on my face and to visit with friends.”

“It felt refreshing having you out of here too,” Nathan hissed. He seemed to be in an exceptionally cross mood tonight.

Sarah ignored his comment, as did Daniel and Marion. “Is there anything I can help with now?” Sarah asked.

“Just set the table, everything is already done.”

During supper Nathan snorted, “Could you gulp that milk any louder?”

Sarah put the glass down. She knew it was time to pay for enjoying herself.

“Could ya pass the bread, gulpy gut?”

“Here you go.” Sarah smiled as she handed him the platter of bread.

“Stop making faces at me!” He snorted. She rolled her eyes in exasperation. Nathan leapt out of his seat and popped her across the face. Daniel and Marion looked at him in shocked disbelief.

“Nathan DuVal! What on earth has possessed you to do such a thing to your sister?” Daniel stood up as he slapped his napkin on the table. “You set yourself down son and don't you ever let me see you raise your hand to another member of this family! Especially one of your sisters!”

“She's not my sister! And I was tired of her making faces at me! She does it all the time.”

“She's my daughter! You have no reason to hit her,” Daniel scolded. “No matter what you think, she's a female and your sister I don't care how many faces she makes, you can't hit her... we've taught you better than that, son!”

“I didn't make faces at him! He's lying on me!” Sarah wept as she rubbed her face.

“She rolled her eyes and everything!” Nathan shouted. “She's the liar!”

“Is that true?” Marion cut her eyes at Sarah.

“Well, yes I did roll my eyes, but only after he— ”

“Tsk, tsk, Sarah,” Marion interrupted. “You know better than that.” She shook her head. “You've provoked your brother to anger. Now, Daniel, you know that isn't right either. You can't let that go without a word.”

“Your Momma's right, Sarah.” Daniel scolded. “We don't hit, but we don't provoke either. It's not right that he hit you, but you're wrong for provoking him. You behave yourself too, young lady.”

Sarah was speechless, unable to believe her own ears. They had all sat there and seen the whole thing, yet it was still her fault! How could this be? She bowed her head in despair and said nothing more in her defense. After all, what could she say? Whatever she added would only bring her more sorrow. Left would always be right, up would always be down and she would always be wrong in this house! Her only defense was to let it go and try to placate him. Yet, after this night Cora, who usually barely noticed anything that happened past the end of her nose, became more distant toward Nathan as his temper became worse. She stopped picking on Sarah and even became friendly toward her.

Sarah was practically giddy this bright Monday morning. The first day of school had finally arrived! She would not be closed up in the house with Nathan and his temper any longer! He was getting worse by the day.

To hide his actions from everyone, Nathan had stopped hitting Sarah in the face, yet he didn't stop hitting her everywhere else he could. Sarah chose to wear her long-sleeved fall dress to hide the bruises, even though it would be uncomfortable on this sunny, spring day. She dressed herself quickly then helped Jenny and Betty dress themselves. They were a bit nervous about their first day. Sarah gulped down a few bites of her breakfast. The twins were having trouble getting anything down, and Sarah knew their stomachs were so nervous over this new and unknown place called school. “There's nothing to be upset about.” She smiled. “School is the most wonderful place on earth! You will both love it dearly. You're going to make so many friends and learn so much. Besides, I thought you said you wanted to go. “I do,” Jennie said. “But I'm still nervous.”

“I'm nervous too!” Bettie spoke up. “But I do want to go to school. I'm just glad you'll be there with us, Sarah.”

“Well, it's all right. I was a bit nervous my first day, too. But I promise the both of you, you're going to love it as soon as you step through the door, just as I did.”

On the way home that evening, you couldn't tell that they were the same children. They were excited and happy. They had both made new friends and they adored Mrs. Lykes, the teacher.

“We like Mrs. Lykes” They sang and giggled as they skipped along the way.

Sarah stopped by the post office to see if they had any mail. There were two letters from John. One was addressed to Daniel and Marion, the other, to her. She quickly ripped into the envelope and read...

My Dear Sarah;

I hope this letter finds you all well and happy. I tried to schedule this to where my letter would arrive there on your first day of school. I have no idea what that teacher could possibly teach you, I think you must know everything there is to know by now. As I remember it, you were a quick learner.

I am enclosing some cash for books and such, for whatever you and the twins may need for school. If this doesn't cover it all just let me know... I'll get it for you

I've been thinking of you all so much lately, especially of you, Sarah. There's a little girl here now that's about your age and I think about you as she follows me around the house. She most always wants me to read to her. She's as cute as a button and says she wants to read the words for herself some day. She's bright, indeed, and will learn quickly. Just like you did, Sarah, but she's never been to school or had anyone that would teach her. She makes me think about you so much.

I miss you all terribly and hope to see you someday soon!

Always your loving brother,

John

Sarah folded the letter.

“What did he say?” Jennie asked.

“He misses us all, and sent us some money to buy things we needed for school.”

“Mrs. Lykes said we needed slates... can we get them today?”

“I don't see why not! Let's go to Mr. Hamilton's.” Sarah smiled. The last words of John's letter kept echoing through her mind, Always your loving brother, John. Even through the joyous shopping spree, she almost began to cry. My loving brother. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had said they loved her. She wished that her loving brother was here with her. She felt a bit jealous that John was spending time with another little girl and not her. She needed someone. John was hers... who was this girl anyway?

At times Sarah was confused about how she felt. Was it disappointment? Perhaps. She couldn't help feeling a bit bitter because the words that she longed to hear were always missing from his letters... ” I am coming home.”

Nathan went out of his way to make sure that Sarah knew, every day of her life, that she was not their sister. He made it his business to remind her that none of them cared anything about her. Wasn't she the fool? Maybe even her dear, sweet John hadn't cared as much as she'd thought he did. Maybe he'd just felt sorry for the “injun foundling,” as Nathan had so often pointed out to her in his taunting, “John likes you about as well as I do... he just feels like he has to be nice to you, but I don't! I know you ain't so special!” A tear washed down her cheek she wiped it away as Mr. Hamilton's voice intruded.

“That'll be one dollar.” he smiled. Sarah placed the money on the counter and walked out of the store with the twins trailing happily behind her.

“Didn't you want anything, Sarah?” Bettie asked.

“No, I don't need a thing.” She huffed. Someone might bust a gut if I got anything anyway. I'll save myself another slap upside the head, Thank you very much, John. Just stay hidden where you are and send your useless wads of paper to me! Does he really think this does me any good? If he cared, wouldn't he be here

Sarah fumed as she walked. When she got home from school she changed into her work dress and headed to the fields to help with the planting. The dust billowed up from behind the plows as Daniel, Jonas, Isaiah and Jericho zigzagged the large fields. Sarah joined Ester, Thorney and Thomas as they dropped the cotton seed in the furrows Ester made with a long stick then covered them over. Marion, with Jennie and Betty, were in another field, doing the same thing. The fields seemed to go on forever. This was the largest crop they'd ever planted.

“Hey, Miss Sarah,” Ester spoke. “Now that you're here, you and Thorney can go start plantin’ over yonder on that other row. Thomas can help me here. Take the seed here and get started. That way we can get more done before dark sets in. Maybe even the whole field!”

While they planted Sarah and Thorney played their spelling game. Sarah would give her a word and Thorney would spell it, or at least tell what letter it started with. “Cotton.” Sarah called out.

“K. O. T. T. E. N.”

“That sounds right. It's really close, but what other letter sounds like a K that's not a K?”

“C!” Thorney beamed.

“No wonder they call you Thorney! You're as sharp as a thorn!” They both laughed.

Before long the entire field was planted and Thorney knew forty new words.

Sarah, Greta and Shane were nearing the first covered bridge when they noticed an old man stirring over a cook pot. He'd built a fire from limbs and sticks and had made himself a shelter by dropping a wagon canvas down the bridge pilings. “Poor old man!” Greta sighed.

“He's not a poor old man. He's a gypsy!” Shane exclaimed. “Maybe even the leader of an entire band of ‘em!”

“How do you know that?” Sarah asked.

“Look at the way he's dressed.” Shane responded. “Gypsy garb all over him. You can tell it a mile away. He's a gypsy all right!”

The old man did have a certain gypsy look about him. His baggy pants were striped and rolled up high above his ankles. They ballooned around him while a long bunch of golden colored roping was tied in knots at his waist to hold them up. His grayed cotton shirt was also much too large for his spindly frame. The only thing that seemed to fit rightly on his body was the bright, red kerchief that was tied around his head.

“Well, let's just go now.” Greta began to walk on. “Gypsy or not, he's strange by any account!”

“You ain't scared of him, are you?” Shane teased.

“Yes, I am and you ought to be too!” Greta snapped as she wheeled around.

“Oh, come on, this might be our only chance to meet a real gypsy!” Shane begged.

“But gypsies are dangerous! They steal and all,” Sarah warned.

“We ain't got nothing for him to steal,” Shane huffed.

“You want to talk to him so bad, you go ahead! But I'm staying right here!” Greta folded her arms across her chest in defiance.

“What about you, Sarah?”

“I don't want to bother him. Besides, we'll be late for school.” Sarah began to ease closer to Greta.

“We're always early. You know we have time,” Shane said. “He'd probably like to talk to someone. C'mon, don't be a scaredy cat!”

Sarah thought about it for a minute. “Well, I suppose it's no different than saying hello to any other new neighbor,” she paused. “I think it would be rude not to welcome him and make him feel at home.”

“You can't mean that, Sarah! He's probably a lunatic!” Greta slung her arms down to her side and glared at Sarah.

“Now, Greta,” Sarah gently explained. “Christian love and neighborliness aren't just for some, but for all, even gypsies, maybe especially gypsies.”

Greta was completely disarmed. “Oh, all right, but I'm going last,” Greta conceded.

They crept slowly down the embankment to where the old man sat, his back toward them, as he hunkered on a large stone stirring his brew.

“Uh, morning to ya, Mr. Gypsy, sir,” Shane spoke loudly to let him know they were there. But the old man sat on as if no one had spoken a word. “Excuse me, sir, we would like to welcome you to Eagleton.” Shane walked around to face the man.

“Jeez and Peets, bi! Wharja cume frum!” He jumped straight up slinging his stirring spoon into the air. “Who are ye? Why ye wanna be a vexin’ on an old man like at?”

Shane's blue eyes were wide. Greta and Sarah stood back squeezing each other's hands and trembling as they stared at Shane and the old gypsy man.

“U-um, we just wanted to welcome you to town.” Shane's voice was unsteady.

“Ye see a town here, bi? Ain't ner town under dis here bridge. Are ye daft? Dead in the head? Get outta here and mind yer own business, I says, before I conjure up me willies on the lot of ye!” He jerked his long spoon up from the ground and drew it back as if he were going to whap it at Shane.

They all three took off, slipping and sliding, back up the bank and onto the road.

“I told you he was crazy!” Greta said as she panted for breath. “I told you we shouldn't go down there!”

“At least there was some excitement around here.” Shane just smiled an impish smile. “And I can say that I once talked to an old gypsy man.”

“And what are you going to say the old gypsy said to you?” Sarah smirked.

“I'm gonna say he said, ‘jeeze and peets, bi! Don't be a vexin on me'!'” Shane laughed as he mocked the old man.

“The vexation of Rambling Tom.” Sarah giggled.

“Rambling Tom?” Greta asked.

“He just looks like a rambling something and I thought Tom was good enough.”

After this day they would often see him near the bank of the stream cooking his breakfast as they went on their way to school but they never dared to speak with him again. One morning they noticed he was gone.

“Rambling Tom must have gone rambling on.” Shane said.

“Good!” Greta sighed. “I was getting so tired of seeing him squatted there. He was creepy!”

“Wonder where he's going next, and without his stuff? It's all still there.” Sarah pointed to his belongings.

“He wouldn't have left his stuff,” Shane said. “Maybe we should check on him.”

“You just go right ahead, but don't expect me to go with you this time!” Greta informed him.

“Well, someone needs to check on him,” Shane retorted. “Something's not right. He wouldn't have left his stuff.” He walked towards the embankment. “You coming, Sarah?”

“Sure, I'm not afraid of him. He's just a mean old man.” She followed Shane but Greta stayed firmly planted on the bridge.

When they'd made it down to the bank they noticed that the old man's cook pot was filled with cold, crusty beans.

“He must have left in a hurry.” Shane shrugged his shoulders.

“He's nowhere to be seen. This is odd.”

Later that evening they heard the news from Sonny Slone that the old man had been found dead down by the river bridge. “My folks are giving him a proper and decent funeral,” Sonny said. “It's our Christian duty, seein’ as my Pa is the minister here. The old guy's in my living room in a pine box right now.” Then Sonny leaned in and whispered in a deep, ominous voice. “He's real white and scary looking! I ain't ever seen nothing like it! ‘Course, I never saw a dead person before.”

“Me either,” Shane said. “I don't guess none of us have.” He shook his head.

They all wondered just how scary the old man would look. Before long their curiosity began to rise.

“Well do you think we should go pay our respects, seeing as we're the only ones in the town who actually knew him, or ever talked to him?” Sarah asked the group. She had never seen a dead person either.

“Yeah,” Sonny urged. “I reckon y'all should, else no one will be at the wake. Spirits can't rest easy ‘til they get a proper send off into the hereafter. That's why me and my folks are giving him what we can.” He piously bowed his head. “He's all laid out in our parlor for folks to come pay their last respects, but you know, there's no one to mourn him, poor ol’ fellow. I reckon since y'all knew him, maybe y'all could come and mourn some. Just so we let him see that folks cared. If not, he might haunt us all till our dying day if he ain't respected and seen to.

“I just hope he don't run me off with a big spoon.” Shane laughed. “Or conjure up any ol’ willies on me!”

“Stop it, Shane. We're supposed to be mourning for him!” Sarah scolded. “You're not mourning respectable.” She was anxious to see the old man too, yet scared, as was Greta.

That evening they all met at the Slone's place to properly mourn for old rambling Tom and to get their first glimpse of a dead person. They stood close together as they neared the room.

Greta stopped suddenly. “I— I can't go in there! I'm too afraid, this is a read honest to goodness, dead person! I just can't go in there where it is either.”

“Well, either we all go or none of us will.” Sarah stood with Greta.

“Don't be afraid, Greta,” Shane assured her. “We'll let you walk between us, won't we, Sarah.”

“Sure,” Sarah agreed.

“Nothing can get to ya if you're in the middle of us.” Shane said. “We'll both protect you from either side.”

“Yeah,” Sarah agreed. “Come on, Greta. We all need to go in together. If you don't go we'll all be stopped and that just wouldn't be right. The old man's spirit will be glad we came. It will be just fine. Come on, get in between us.”

They held hands and crept into the parlor where the old gypsy lay in a freshly hewn pine box. They cautiously peered over the edge as the candlelight flickered and sent shadows playing over his gaunt face. Suddenly there came an image, draped in a white sheet, sailing down the upstairs banister and screeching to the top of its lungs. It howled worse than the wild, Tennessee valley winds.

Sarah, Greta and Shane tore from the room screaming to high heaven and somehow they all three got caught and tightly jammed in the doorway. They punched their elbows and dug their claws into each other. None of them would move back or give an inch as they screamed and pushed forward until they broke free. They went slamming onto the porch, then scrambled up and sailed from the house. Greta slipped and plopped down two steps and came to rest on the third where she lost total control of her bladder.

Sonny came out waving the sheet and laughing. “I got y'all good!” He laughed harder.

Shane stepped toward him. He looked at Sarah and Greta. “Looks like you girls are gonna see another dead body tonight.” Then he turned back to Sonny and yelled. “Sonny Slone, I'm gonna kill you!” Sonny quickly stopped laughing.

“I— I was just kidding!” He dropped the sheet and took off running with Shane tight on his heels.

The next day as they passed the bridge Sarah, Greta and Shane hurried their steps. The old man's fingers might come up through the planks and grab their feet, or so they thought. “We never did get to properly mourn him because of Sonny Slone!” Shane shook his head.

“Tad, are you almost ready?” John looked into the room where the child sat with her head down and her suitcase packed. She was wearing her best dress and bonnet with a spring coat to match. Her shiny, leather shoes were un-buttoned and dangling half on and half off her small feet.

“I ain't gots my shoes on, Mr. John,” she spoke in a raspy sort of soft voice.

“What's wrong with you, my little Tad?” John sat down on the bed and wrapped his arm around the child.

“I don't want to go! I want to stay here!” She burst out crying.

“Oh, is that it?” John knelt down in front of Tad. “You have no idea of the wonders that are waiting for you! You're getting a family. A whole brand new family to love you and care for you.” He wiped the tears from her face.

“I has a family, here with you!”

“I'm talking about a real family. A ma and a pa and a baby sister.”

“Who says I want a baby sister?” She stiffened her back.

“Baby sisters are mighty special, Tad.”

“They ain't!”

“I see you've never had one.” John grinned.

“No... Have you?” She asked.

A vision of Sarah filled John's mind. Her bright little face, her cheerful laugh and the way she looked at him with her trusting eyes. “Yes, I have. And she's one of the best people in my life.”

“How come you never see her then?”

“Who says I don't?”

“I been here a long while and never seen no sister of yours. I ain't even know you had one.”

“Well, I do. And the reason I never see her is because she lives far, far away from here.”

“Is it lots of fun having a baby sister?”

“Yeah, Tad... it's lots of fun. You won't miss being here at all when you get there and meet your new family.”

“I'll always miss it here.”

“Now, Tad... you got mighty attached to Mr. Fred's place after only two nights... but things got better for you as you moved on. Now, you're moving on again. Lord only knows what awaits you in your new place. But this time it's for keeps, no more moving ever again. You have a real home and a real family.” Tad smiled big.

“A home... That does sound good Mr. John.” Tad tried to smile through her tears. “I hope you're right about everything. I hope that they love me and want me. I hope they'll take care of me like you, Mr. Tyson and the other folks here did.”

“Have I ever lied to you? Just you wait and see.” There was a knock on the door. Tess, the maid, peeked in.

“Mr. Tyson is here for Tad,” she announced.

John smiled at the little girl. “You ready?”

“I guess so. All except for my shoes.” She smiled bravely as she poked her feet in the air.

John buttoned the shoes then walked Tad down to meet Mr. Tyson. Tad turned and hugged him tightly. “I'll never forget you, Mr. John. When I learn to write, can I write you?”

“You'd better!” He kissed her forehead then helped her into the buggy beside Mr. Tyson. He had a lump in his throat. He couldn't help worrying about her. It was spring and even though she had the full power of Mr. Tyson backing her, the trip into Canada wasn't without its dangers. He must believe that all would go well for her and that she would reach her new family safe and sound. He looked into her small, scared face then shut the door.

As the wheels slowly began to turn Tad's frantic cries suddenly tore through the night. She beat on the carriage screaming, “Mr. John! Mr. John! You supposed to take care of me... you are! You promised Mr. Frank and everything! Don't send me to Canada! Please, keep me! I won't never do nothing wrong... I'll be good!”

John ran after the carriage and tore the door open before the driver could even stop. She leapt into his waiting arms. He hugged her tightly. John looked at Mr. Tyson. “I'm sorry to put you to this much trouble, Sir. But she isn't going anywhere.”

“But that would not be right for her. She needs a family.”

“We'll all be her family. You'd like that, wouldn't you Tad?”

“Yeah... yeah I would.” She gasped her words as she wiped her face. “I didn't never have no family before y'all... but y'all feels like what I think family is. Ain't family the folks you has in your heart? Y'all is in mine.”

“Yes, Tad, you're right. And you are our family because you are in our hearts too.”

She smiled and threw her arms around John's neck. “I'll live here with y'all forever and ever!”

“Yes, you will... won't she, Mr. Tyson?”

“It appears so, my boy,” Mr. Tyson agreed with a bit of hesitation in his voice. “I just hope this is the best thing for her.”

“Love is always the best you can give anyone. She has plenty of that here, I promise you, Sir.”

“I see that.” Mr. Tyson smiled at them both. “Well, I suppose I'll get home to my wife and little ones now. Good night John, and good night to you too, little Tad.”

“Good night Mr. Tyson,” they both said as John closed the carriage door.

Mr. Tyson yelled to the driver and they watched him drive off into the night. Tad was home.

John went back to work leaving Tad in the tender care of the folks at the boarding house. He knew Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby, along with Tess and Mr. Tyson, would all take good care of her. Sometimes Mr. Tyson took her out to his house in the country and let her spend a few days with his daughter. Caroline was bedridden, still weak from having had scarlet fever. Tad made a good playmate for her.

John's first trip was back into the belly of the whale, Alabama. He would see Fred and let him know that Tad and he had made it to safety. But when he got there, Fred didn't recognize him.

“Can I help you with something?”

“Do you recall a fellow by the name of Adams who stopped by here last fall with a little girl named Tad?”

“W— what?” His face went a bit pale. “Not really. Should I know them?”

“It's me, sir!” John smiled.

“Adams?” Fred looked closer into his face. “My lands... I thought I'd read in the papers that you were dead!”

“You don't believe everything you read, do you?” John's deep laugh rang out.

“My gracious, boy... Come on in this house! Come on and meet the missus.”

When they'd all said their hellos and sat down together Fred asked, “Now tell us how it is you've come back from the dead.”

“Well, it was a fake. They planted my information on a dead man. Had this guy to confirm that the body was mine, and presto, I'm a changed man! Things were getting too hot for poor ol’ Kyle down here, so to keep going with my work, the people who wanted to see me dead had to think that they'd won. That they'd gotten rid of me.”

“That's pure genius!” Mrs. Frank's eyes lit up. “Who would have ever thought it?”

“It isn't like it hasn't been done before... I'm just lucky it works every time.”

“How many times have you died, Adams?” Fred laughed heartily.

“It's Whitehead for now, sir. And I've only died once. But there's been others.”

“Like who?”

“For their safety, I can't say too much. I'll just say, there isn't as many of us gone as our enemies would like to think.”

“Well, this gives me renewed hope!” Mrs. Frank smiled. “I'll think twice before crying over another abolitionist's murder.”

“Yeah... She walked around the house for days moping over your demise, Mr. Whitehead.” Fred chuckled. “She was so put out because she had missed you when you came through here. Then to hear that you'd been lynched... Well, she bellowed for days.”

“All's well that ends well, huh, Mrs. Frank?” John looked at her and smiled.

“That's right! I'm so glad to finally meet you.” She smiled back.

“And how is the little girl?” Mr. Frank asked.

“She's doing wonderful. Learning more and more every day. She's sharp as a tack already reading and writing a good bit. We're just doing our best to give her a normal childhood. It's hard with things being like they are. She wanted me to be sure and thank you for everything you did for us.”

“I didn't do all that much.”

“Yes you did, sir. Don't ever downplay your role in this. We'd both have frozen to death that night if it hadn't been for you. I had to come back here and let you know that we made it and how grateful we are for folks like you and Mrs. Frank here.”

“I suppose it's time for me to get supper. You are staying aren't you, Mr. Adams... um, Mr. Whitehead or whoever you are?”

“Just call me John. Sorry to say, I can't stay for supper. I'll be leaving here pretty soon. I'm trying to make it down to the Gulf Coast.”

“I hate to see you run. We've barely gotten a chance to talk,” Mrs. Frank fussed. “Remember, I wasn't here when you came by the first time.”

“I'll stop by again someday for a longer visit. But for now, I really have to be going.” John stood and plopped his hat on his head. “Good to have met you, Mrs. Frank.”

“Likewise.” She smiled.

With that John was on the move again, changing his name at almost every stop. Mr. Whitehead, Mr. Scott, Mr. Smith... the list was never-ending. His old argument was still very effective, yet bitterly hated among the wealthy plantation owners. Hated or not, it was powerful and it was working. “Why would you want slavery? Do you own slaves? How does keeping slavery alive benefit you and your family? The answer is, it doesn't! The fact is, in the South, anyone who can pay a man for an honest day's work owns slaves! The only job out there for you, if you're lucky, is being an overseer. But, if we work together to end slavery, you could get a job and buy your family fine things. Live in a nice house... Get yourself a fancy carriage to ride around in... Buy food and warm clothing for your loved ones! The list goes on and on!” Cheers echoed all over the Southlands... The crowds gathered in front of Bandy's Mercantile in Georgia, at Rudy's barber shop in Mississippi, in Jake's Bar in South Carolina. All over the South, more and more people began standing against slavery. The poor chanted John's words: “How does slavery benefit us?”

Chapter Ten

* * * *

After the cotton was harvested, and the debt worked off, Jonas and his family left to go north, as did Isaiah and Jericho. The next season Daniel bought a new team of workers and after the next harvest they went north as well. Year after year, a new group came and went with freedom papers in hand.

It was the summer of 1852 now and Sarah was thirteen years old. Marion's ideas and expectations of the role Sarah must play in life had already begun. Settling down with the right man should be her daughter's top priority. Marion worried that Sarah's native features were beginning to show and might become more pronounced as time wore on. What hope would there be for an Indian female in this place if she didn't find a husband soon

“That Samuel Grey is a nice young man,” Marion urged. “You should see how Jack Taylor looks at you,” she cooed. “Of course, there's always Shane Thompson.”

Because of this sudden wave of anxious prodding, Sarah knew she had to make this summer count. She hated the thought of being forced into the plain everyday drudgery of housework. She dreamed of seeing those faraway places she'd read about and having wonderful real-life adventures. She wanted to see the Statue of Liberty, and the big cities. She wanted to see where John lived and experience the grand life that he wrote about. The majestic Upper Falls, the many buildings that lined the cobblestone streets, people, life and excitement, it all called to her. But if she married, she would miss it all. She would never see what lay beyond these hills and valleys.

“Don't worry so much over me. I'll be fine, I've got plans and they don't include being married right now. Just leave me be.”

“You're still young, I know. But you do need to set your mind on someone. There's no one you like?”

“I like a lot of people. But not one of them has what I want.”

“And what do you want?”

“I don't know. All I do know is that they don't have it.”

“Well, you need to start thinking about it, seriously.”

“Yes, Ma'am. I understand.”

Sarah sat on the bank beside Greta dabbling her toes in the cool waters as they indulged themselves in little girl's giggly gossip. Their corks danced on the sparkling water. Shane had found himself a perfect spot under a sprawling water oak down the way.

“You know what I heard?” Greta looked at Sarah.

“What? What did you hear?” Sarah perked up.

“Trissy Eastland likes Shane!”

“Oh, Greta. Everyone knows that already.” Sarah's interest fell. “I thought it was something plummy.”

“Well, how about this... this same someone said that Trissy positively despises you because she thinks you and my brother are sweethearts.”

“That's foolish! Everyone knows we're just friends and that's it!” Sarah smiled slyly, remembering the way she had grasped Shane's arm that day for Trissy to see.

“Well, Trissy doesn't see it that way.”

“That's because her ma dropped her on her head when she was a baby!” Sarah and Greta laughed.

Then all of a sudden Greta stopped. “What in the world is that?” She exclaimed as she pulled Sarah's dress collar down.

Sarah pulled her collar back up to hide the ugly bruise. “Nothing.”

“It is too something!” Greta pulled the collar back to reveal the mark again. “That looks like a hand print on your neck!”

“Its fine, Greta... just stop it! All right?”

“He's still hurting you, isn't he?”

“Greta, don't get so upset.”

“Did he choke you?”

“He just grabbed me.”

“Why?”

“It's Nathan, Greta, do you think he needs a reason?”

“I thought he'd stopped!”

“No, I just got better at hiding it... until today, that is.”

“He's going to kill you if someone doesn't stop him!”

“Greta, I love you... I do. But don't get overly dramatic. Everything is fine. I'm used to it. Honestly, it would scare me more if he didn't smack me around every so often!” Sarah shrugged. Greta looked away. She had tears in her eyes. “Greta, don't! Don't cry... You'll make me cry too and I don't want to. Not today, I'm having too much fun!”

“He's almost nineteen years old! When is he going to grow up? He can do real harm to you now!”

“He can do real harm now? Believe me, Greta... he's done about all he can do to me!”

“I've got one! I've got one!” Shane screeched as he stood up to pull in his line.

“I wanna see!” Sarah ran over to watch him, mostly to get away from the topic. She didn't want to talk about unpleasant things. She wanted to have fun.

That evening, after Sarah left, Greta confided to her brother, “Shane, there's something I have to tell you. But you have to promise not to let Sarah know that you know it.”

“Fine then, I promise. What is it? Is it something serious?”

“It is. Very serious.”

“What's wrong?” Shane's face became sober.

“It's her brother... he's been hitting her.”

“What?”

“He's been hitting her... beating her really. I thought he'd stopped, but I found another bruise on her today.”

“He hits her bad then?”

“Yeah, he does. I'm so angry I could choke!”

“How long has he been hitting her?”

“Years.”

“And you knew about it the whole time and didn't tell me?”

“I knew at first, but then she hid the marks... I didn't know it was still going on. I thought he'd stopped or that their parents had stopped him. I thought it was just kid stuff, but now I know different.”

“You should have told me back then! I'd have stopped him!”

“Sarah asked me not to.”

“I'm going to do something... I'm going to get even!”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don't know yet, but I'll think of something!” Shane's face was on fire with anger.

Greta knew how much he loved Sarah, and that the thought of that big bully of a brother beating up on her made him want to strike out. He wanted to hit something, someone. He wanted to hit Nathan! Even if he was only fifteen and Nathan eighteen, Shane was big for his age and believed he could whip Nathan if he were standing there at that moment.

Shane and Greta were better schemers than fighters. So they worked out a plan. This was the one scheme that they couldn't let Sarah in on. So, alone, they planned it all out. They knew Nathan liked to go for swims down at the water hole when no one was there. That way he could swim in the buff. Even though the boys were known to swim in the buff together, Nathan was shy about it. So, he'd make sure no one was around when he went in. That was the perfect time and place, to carry out revenge.

The “revenge team” picked out their hiding places. Greta was behind the thick clump of bushes and Shane on the other side of the swimming hole behind a tall sweet gum tree. They stockpiled their posts with plenty of rocks and stones. Large enough to hurt, but small enough to chuck at their enemy.

By the time Nathan was ready for his swim, Shane and Greta were ready for him. Shane snuck out and took all of Nathan's clothes. It was the oldest trick in the book, but it was a good one! Then Greta fired the first blow, hitting Nathan right in the middle of his shoulders.

“Ouch!” He yelled out. Next Shane let one fly hitting Nathan on his arm. “Damn it! Ouch! Who's out there?” Then Greta let another one go hitting him in the head. “Son of a bitch!” Nathan started to run up towards the bank where he'd left his clothes. When he noticed they were gone and heard the laughter he rushed back into the water to hide himself. The laughter echoed so that it sounded like it was coming from all different directions. “Very funny... now where in the hell are my clothes!”

Shane and Greta answered him at exactly the same time by firing shots that bounced off his face and his back. Nathan threw his hand up to his head. When he looked at it there was blood in his palm. “I'm bleeding now! Are you happy? This isn't damn well funny! You're going to be in big trouble!”

“Yes, it is funny!” Shane sang out and Greta squealed wildly in laughter. They fired several more blows that left Nathan with a black eye, a busted forehead, a chipped tooth, busted lip and several bruises on his back, arm and shoulder. When they ran out of ammunition, they both skipped off laughing triumphantly.

After a while, when he was sure they were gone, Nathan slowly emerged from the water. He broke a tree limb to cover himself and hunted for his clothes. He found them tied in knots and placed in a stirred up ant bed near Shane's post. They were covered in red ants. With a stick he scooped them up then started home. Ever so often, the ants would make it all the way up the stick to his hand and start biting him. He'd drop everything to beat them off then start out again. I swear, if I ever find out who did this, I'm going to plant their naked ass smack down in the middle of a red ant bed! When he got home he threw his clothes down and called out to his mother where she sat on the veranda drinking iced tea.

When she saw him she bounded from the porch, “What on earth? What's happened?” She ran toward him. The girls weren't far behind.

“Will somebody get me some damn clothes before y'all come out to gawk?”

“Sarah, go get your brother something to wear!” Marion called. She began checking him. “What on earth happened to you?” She noticed his busted face and bruised body. “Did you jump off that blasted vine swing and hit the bank? I told you about that, one day you're going to break your neck!”

“No, it was somebody. They thought it'd be fun to hide my clothes while they pounded me with rocks.”

“Who on earth would do such a mean and nasty thing?” Marion cried.

“And they laid my clothes in an ant bed!” He held up his hand. “They bit me all the way home!”

“Oh, you poor, poor child! Did you see who did it? Could you tell who they were?”

“No... but I heard them laughing the whole time.”

“That's it, you can't go back down there by yourself anymore!”

“That's fine, I don't want to go by myself anymore! I thought I was going to die!” He sniffed. The tears washed over his swollen face as Marion wrapped him in her arms.

“Oh, my poor, poor child!”

At the supper table Sarah noticed Nathan was having trouble eating. He looked like what she'd imagined Quasimoto looking like. He had a large round knot over his eye that was turning black, his lip was swollen and his whole face looked distorted. She felt an ache for him. Could she really be feeling sorry for this overbearing tyrant? He looked up at her and she smiled. He huffed. “Makes you happy, does it?”

“No, it doesn't... but it should!”

“Do my ears deceive me, or did Sarah speak up for herself?” Cora gasped.

“What does that mean?” Nathan snapped.

“You know what I mean, Nathan DuVal. You've run over her all these years. It was different when we were little and just picking. But you're eighteen years old now! Grow up, for Christ sake! Be a man! The reason you can't figure out who beat you up is because you've made everyone hate you!”

“Very well, everyone calm down now! Leave the boy alone, he's been hurt.” Daniel frowned. “Let's eat our supper in peace.”

“Everyone is against me now, I suppose!” Nathan slammed his fork down as he glared at Cora.

“You can feel sorry for yourself all you want, but what you got today is exactly what you deserve!” she retorted.

“What?” Marion looked stunned. “How dare you say such, Cora May!”

“Don't act so stunned, Momma! You know how he hits and beats on Sarah. It's about time somebody let him see how it feels! If he doesn't change, this is how his life is going to be... this is just the first beating he's going to get.”

“And just where were you today, Cora?” Nathan glared at her.

“I was right here and as much as I'd like to, I can't take credit for what happened to you.”

“I mean it! Stop this right now or leave the table!” Daniel stood.

Sarah was stunned by Cora's defense of her. This outright attack on Nathan made her wonder, had he done something to Cora as well? Surely this wasn't just about his abuse of her... was it?

That night they sat together on Cora's bed and talked. “You really shouldn't have said those things, Cora. I am glad that you took up for me, but you will make him mad at you. I don't know if I could stand to see him hit anyone else the way he hits me.”

“Like I said, it was different when we were little. Just picking and all. But the more I've seen him hitting and abusing you, the more it turned my stomach. It's not right what he does and the way Momma always overlooks it. I don't want you to think that I agree with it. I hate it... I really do!”

“Cora, were you really here today? You're sounding more and more like the one who did it.”

“Lord only knows who did it, Sarah. Nathan hates almost everyone and everything. Not a lot of people like him. It could have been anybody.”

“Don't say anything else to him, Cora. Don't bring his wrath down on you too.”

“I'm not worried... look, I've got something I want to tell you.” Cora went to her door and shut it.

“Secrets?” Sarah perked up.

“Yes, it's my secret for now. Don't tell anyone, but Tony Slone asked me to marry him yesterday and he ain't talked to Poppa about it yet.” Cora sighed deeply. “I suppose that's what gave me the backbone to speak up. I'm going to do it! I'm going to marry him!”

“But, Cora! He's so much older than you!”

“Love knows no age... that's what Tony told me.”

“Do you love him?”

“Well no. But he loves me and he's as handsome as anything! Not only that, but he's sweet and has a ton of money! Love will come later. There's lots of folks that never even knew each other before their wedding day... and they ended up loving each other to pieces! Like the story about that princess who was betrothed and they had to beat her and everything to get her to marry him and she did fall in love with him! You were telling me how romantic it was. But they had their heads cut off, which was tragic... Anyway, me and Tony could be like that, except we won't have our heads cut off!” She giggled.

By the time Cora and Tony were married Sarah hated to see her go. But to her joy, Nathan soon married Vernon Smith's daughter, Elsie, and he left home too.

Elsie's pa had just passed away leaving his land and house to her. That sort of tipped the scale for Nathan. She'd been head over heels for him since they were little, but he never paid her any attention. She was skinny and homely, with a temper to match her wiry red hair. He had his eye on her house and land more than on her qualities, or the lack thereof.

This truly was Sarah's summer and she was basking in her new-found freedom! Home was a lovely place to be now.

One day, after school, Sarah and the twins stopped by the post office and found a letter from John. They ran home as quickly as their feet would take them. They burst through the door.

Sarah thrust the letter in her mother's face. “It's a letter from John!” she gasped,quick heavy breaths from the long run home.

Marion took it from her and sat down to read it. She held it close to her face. Though she wouldn't admit it, Marion's eyesight was getting worse these days. She read it aloud.

Dear Family;

Things are wonderful with me. I just got back from working in Virginia. It was a long and grueling schedule, but I think I have everything well in hand. All of our business in the South is coming along well

I long to hear from you all. What all is going on there? I thought I'd have some letters from you all when I returned from my travels, but I guess you were all too busy to write to this tumbleweed. I hope all is well! Sometimes I just feel like I'm in a whirlwind that I can't get out of. At least my life is never boring! Just remember that I look forward to hearing from you all. So don't forget to write to me every chance you get!

Always your loving son,

John

“We should have written him.” Marion dropped her head.

“Well, we were busy marrying folks off.” Sarah smiled. “I'll write him tonight.”

“I will too!” Jennie said.

“And so will I.” Betty sang out.

“We'll all write him.” Marion folded the letter and shoved it back in the envelope. She took the wad of cash and put it away to be added to their savings.

That night, Sarah sat at her writing table with pen in hand and began:

My Dearest John;

How wonderful it was to hear from you! I am dreadfully sorry that I neglected to send you a letter. You are, without a doubt, the most giving person I know! You'll never know what the money you send home means to everyone... but personally, I'd rather see you than a thousand dollars, as I'm sure we all would. I miss you terribly, John. Do you ever intend on coming home again? Do you miss us as much as we miss you?

This news might make you want to come home again. Nathan is married and has moved out! It's really wonderful to have him gone. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but I think this must be what liberation feels like!

Cora also married a rich fellow and has moved, to, of all places, Virginia! They bought a big house on the coast. I can't believe you were there too. Shame you two couldn't have seen each other

If your travels ever bring you to Tennessee, you know where to find us, right? Or have you lost your way? I surly hope not

I will close for now. Write again soon

Love always,

Sarah

Sarah folded the letter and slid it into the envelope and quickly sealed it so that no one could see what she'd written. She would post it the next morning on her way to school.

Sarah stepped from the platform of the post office and began to walk towards school. “What are you up to?” She turned suddenly to see Nathan.

“Just mailing a letter.”

“To who? Your lover boy?”

“What?”

“Your lover boy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I'm talking about. You're not that stupid.” He laughed coarsely.

“If you mean John just say it.”

“John, John then... did you write to sweet little John?”

“You know I did. You're just jealous because no one chooses to write to you, not even Cora May.” She smirked.

“You better watch that tongue of yours... you might lose it.” He leered at her. “I'll see you tonight at supper.”

I can't wait! Sarah thought to herself. She'd forgotten he was coming over. Maybe she just willfully chose not to remember. “See ya.” She walked on trying to sound upbeat. When would she ever be rid of him for good?

Greta walked towards her. “What did he want?” She looked at Nathan, who was still standing in front of the post office glaring at them.

“He wants to aggravate me, I suppose. As always.” Sarah shrugged.

“Well, he better behave himself. He might get another whipping down at the swimming hole.”

“What? Greta Thompson! Did you have anything to do with that?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I'll never tell.”

“You'd tell me, wouldn't you? You know I wouldn't be mad. Although I did feel a little bit sorry for the puke.”

“Well, yes. I was there. And Sarah, I enjoyed it!” Greta proudly admitted.

“You scoundrel! I love you! No one has ever had such a sweet friend. Who else was there? It had to be more than just you.”

“I can't tell that, Sarah... I'll just say it wasn't only me. You have lots of people who love you and lots of people who despise Nathan.”

“It'll be fine. By the way, where's Shane?”

“He's at school. He's shooting marbles with Sonny.”

“Are we still going fishing this afternoon after school?”

“Sure! I've already got my pole ready and Shane dug a whole mess of worms.”

They walked on. Soon all the children filed into the school and sat down at their desks. Mrs. Lykes stood up in front of them.

“Children, I have some bad news. Today will be the last day of school.”

“What?” The children all mumbled at once. “What are we going to do? Why is this the last day!? School just started!”

“Well, I've just been offered a job teaching in Memphis. I can't turn it down. They're giving me a house and a salary. I really need it. I've been trying to find someone to take over this school but there's no one else willing to teach for free. So, without a teacher, we'll have to close this school.”

“That's not fair!” Many voices cried out.

“Children, I know you're disappointed, but this is how it has to be. Now, let us get something done on our last day together!”

Sarah couldn't believe her ears. No more school? It was unthinkable! Later that evening she went down to the spring to wait for Greta and Shane. She took her boots off and waded in the cool whispering waters. The sound of it rippling and washing over the rocks sang to her spirit. She loved being alone here. This had been her special place from the time John had first brought her here to play in these cool mountain waters. She thought of him. She felt that when he got her letter telling him that Nathan had moved out, that maybe he would come home. The thought made her happy and excited.

But soon, her mind wandered back to the school issue. What was going to happen to the other children without a teacher? Was the school that had given so much just going to die out? She knew Jennie and Bettie would be fine, they could go to regular school. But what about their friends who had nothing? What were they going to do? She'd taught Jennie and Bettie, perhaps she could teach the other children too. She knew she could do it if her folks would allow her and the town elders would give her a chance.

“The fish biting today?” Greta stepped from behind the brush laughing.

“Haven't really tried them out, I've just been wading and waiting for you and Shane.”

“That looks like fun.” Greta sat down, took off her boots and waded into the water with Sarah. “Isn't that something about Mrs. Lykes! I can't believe she's leaving us on such short notice and without another teacher.”

“I was just thinking about that... what would you think if I said I'd like to do it?”

“Do what?”

“Teach at the school.”

“I'd say you'd make a very fine teacher!”

“Really? You wouldn't say I was too young?”

“Why would I say that? You knew more than the teacher did anyway!” Greta pointed out. “You just came to school to socialize.”

“You think the children would take me seriously?”

“I don't see why not. Anyway, if you try it and it doesn't work out, you can quit. So what's the harm in trying it? No one is there to teach anyway.”

“If the town elders and my folks will let me I'll sure try.”

“If not you, there's no one. They'll let you, and I'll come help you too. Two teachers are better than one.”

“You know, I think this just might work out.” Sarah grinned.

“You two ready to fish?” Shane and Sonny came up.

“Yeah. We're ready.”

“Hey, boys... what do you two think of our new teacher?”

“What new teacher?” Shane looked puzzled. “Mrs. Lykes said there wasn't anyone else to teach.”

“Here she stands before you!” Greta gestured towards Sarah.

“Sarah, a teacher?” Sonny exclaimed in disbelief.

“Yes, and I am going to help her,” Greta boasted.

“I think she'd make a great teacher,” Shane commended Sarah.

“I don't know,” said Sonny. “I don't think I'd come to school if Sarah was the one teaching me.”

“Why not?” Shane asked.

“She's just like us, she's our age and she might try to boss us around. I don't think I'd like that.”

“You're just making up reasons to stay home, Sonny. You don't even like school. It's your parents who made you come,” Greta pointed out.

“Well, I'm not in school now and I don't want to think about it!”

“Yeah, let's get to fishing.” Shane reached into the can of worms, caught a long red wiggler and laced it onto his hook before dropping it into the water.

A few days later Sarah was heading back to school. The twins were skipping along ahead of her... but this time, Sarah was going as the teacher, not the student.

Chapter Eleven

* * * *

Before John knew it thirteen years had passed since he'd seen his family. As the days and years passed, he had longed more and more to see everyone. To be home again. To fill up on that blasted deer steak that he thought he hated so much. Tad being here with him had taken away most of the loneliness. He was content until he received this troubling letter from Sarah.

My Dearest John

I'm so frustrated right now. I just don't know what to do! Momma and her constant pushing for me to wed. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to marry, but it seems as if I have no choice. I suppose I've put it off as long as Momma will let me. I'm eighteen years old... I guess it is time to settle down. It's not as if I have any other options. I don't make enough money teaching... in fact I don't make anything. You've made it clear I can't come where you are and I can't stay here any longer. If you care for my happiness any at all, please give me a reason to say no to marriage. Let me come there and get a job so I can stand on my own. I just don't believe that I am cut out for marriage and such, not right now anyway. I hate tending to other people's needs... I've done it all my life. There's so much I want to see and do. I've always had this hunger in me to experience something more than the drudgery of housekeeping... though no one, but you, understands this. You taught me to strive and hope for more. I'll never be content just being a dutiful wife if I don't have some adventure

But now, I see that it's time for me to quash these dreams and become an ordinary, subservient woman in some loveless marriage. No excitement awaits me. I'll throw away my dreams, throw away my hopes, throw away my life to quilt, cook and wipe snotty noses for the rest of my days! Oh, the drudgery of it all! Why did I have to learn that the world was full of excitement and adventures when I would never get to experience any of it? This is my life??? Please say it isn't! John, give me hope... give me a chance to experience what you have. A life. Please come for me before it's too late!

Your loving Sister

Sarah

John didn't exactly know how to respond to this letter. She sounded so desperate. Was she old enough to be married already? Did she say that she was eighteen now? All these thoughts held his attention. He could think of nothing else.

“John, you don't seem to be yourself these days,” Mr. Tyson said. “Is there something bothering you, son?”

“I guess I'm just missing home. I've been on the road so much. Running and fighting and hiding and dying. The time just passed before I knew it. You know my little sister, Sarah, is eighteen now? She was just a little girl when I left. I try to think of how she might look now, how any of them might look. How could this much time have passed me by? Where was I? Where was my brain? Why didn't I go home years ago?”

“You know you had to stay away to protect them from your work. But you've done your fair share. The fact of the matter is you've done more than your fair share. Why don't you go home for a while? We do need you, but you need some time off. I've been stingy because you're one of my best men, you know? I'm sorry for keeping you here and keeping you so busy. Get up, pack your bags and go home for a nice long visit. Stay as long as you like. We'll be fine, but don't forget us, all right? Don't just stay away.”

“You really mean it?” John perked up. “I'd give anything to see the folks again!”

“Sure, John. The cause will most likely be here when you get back. And if it isn't, we'll thank God we won that battle.” He laughed his deep throaty laugh. “But don't worry, I'll find you something else to do.”

It was spring of 1858 when John took off to Tennessee without even writing or sending a telegram to his folks. He was like a wild colt breaking loose. He would help Sarah find the life she wanted to live... no, his dear, sweet Sarah wasn't going to be miserable forever.

John stepped from the stagecoach and back in time. He deeply inhaled the fresh mountain air. He looked around; nothing had changed in Eagleton and in this moment he returned to his boyhood. The years melted away as he walked down Main Street past Eastland Lumber Yard and onward toward Hamilton's Mercantile. The big red school was still perched at the end of the street. He remembered the ache in his heart to one day step beyond those giant white doors and sit in those cherry-wood desks with the other children. Surely, it would have been a magical and enchanted world, one reserved for only those lucky enough to be born to wealth and privilege. All the old feelings returned and overwhelmed him. Why should he feel this way? He'd gone out into the world and made it! He was a man of power and dignity. John took a deep breath and scolded himself. How dare that small clump of red bricks make him feel insignificant! He took his hat from his head and swiped his fingers through his dark curls. Suddenly he saw a vision of beauty and elegance stepping from the library. Her long dark hair floated over the soft breeze. A few silky strands glided across her lovely bronze face. She gently stroked them back in place as she noticed John staring at her. She stopped and stood still as she returned his gaze. A quiet stillness settled over them. She looked into his eyes and it was as if she was looking into his very soul. There was a haunting air about her. Something deep and brooding yet gracious and desirable. She quickly glanced down as her perfectly shaped lips gave way to a shy smile.

John stood there, stunned. Soon a group of children came running from the library towards her. They were all talking and laughing at once.

“Come now, children, time for lessons again.” She walked away toward the free school with the children streaming along with her.

John turned and walked towards Mr. Hamilton, who'd been watching from his store platform. “She's a pretty little thing, ain't she?”

“My Lord yes, she's beyond pretty! She's absolutely the most beautiful sight I've ever seen!”

“Well, you can forget about her. The only things that have ever captured that one's attention are books, school, and her brother.” John had the strongest feeling that he knew who this vision was. But he didn't want to admit it because of the overwhelming attraction he'd felt toward her. Books and her brother? It can't be her... God, don't let it be her! I love her.

“Who-who is she?” John stuttered. He hoped Mr. Hamilton would say any name in the world other than the one he felt was coming.

“Why, that's Miss Sarah. She's the teacher at the Free School. The children adore her.”

“That's little Sarah DuVal?” John felt like crying.

“Yep. How do you know her if I may ask? Are you all right, son? You're looking a little green around the gills.”

John took a deep breath. “I'll be fine, Mr. Hamilton. I suppose it's been so long no one is going to recognize me.”

Mr. Hamilton looked closely into John's pale face. “Oh my word, is this our little book worm, John DuVal I see standing here?”

“Yes, Sir. It's me.”

“My stars above, when you left you were just a little boy, look at you now! A grown man with face hair and everything.” Mr. Hamilton chuckled as he hugged John and slapped him on the back. “Where in the world have you been keeping yourself? It's so good to see you again!”

“And it's great to see you again my good ‘ol friend. I just can't get over little Sarah, I didn't even know it was her. In fact, I was hoping it wasn't her! I about lost my heart to that vision.”

“I could see that by your moony eyed, love struck gaze. She has that effect on most young men. In fact, she has that effect on all the men, young or old,” Mr. Hamilton stated. “But I understand that must have been strange for you, huh? Being her brother and all.”

“It sure was, I'm telling you. I never would have known her.”

“She's going to be beside herself when she finds out it's you that's done come home! The whole family is going to be surprised! I know you ain't told them a word, or else we would have all known you were coming. Why all the secrecy?”

“I was so excited to get away I didn't take the time to write, I just took off. Besides, I thought it would be a great surprise.”

“It sure is wonderful to have you back. I know your folks have been missing you something fierce. Especially that little Miss Sarah.”

“She isn't so little anymore, is she?” John replied. “I think I'm going to go listen in at the school. I want to see for myself how this young ‘Miss. DuVal’ teaches.” He chuckled.

“Everyone says she's the best. Stop in and visit with me some, when you can.”

“Oh, you know I will... and I'll be back in a little while to pick up a few things for the folks.” John gave him a quick handshake before heading towards the school. He walked over and leaned against the school building next to the open window to hear the lessons being taught as he'd done in his boyhood. He listened as Sarah gently corrected wrong answers and explained them. He heard the children calling her “Miss. DuVal.” John couldn't believe this was the little girl he'd left. He wondered how the time had slipped away from him so quickly. He wondered how she would receive him after these many years. Would they still be close or would he be a disappointment to her after all this time? He heard Sarah tell the class that they were dismissed and he walked around the building toward the door. He waited until all the children had gone before he went inside. Sarah was busy clearing the blackboard. He coughed.

Sarah quickly turned to see him there, the stranger she'd seen on the street— the man she'd felt so drawn to. He was lean but muscular with dark eyes that called out to her as they had the first time she'd seen him, but now they were distant and denying her complete entrance as if they were the doorway to some secret, forbidden realm. A dusting of a beard and mustache surrounded his boyish smile. Why was he here? Had he come to ask her out? For the first time Sarah felt maybe she could investigate this courtship thing that her mother was forever chiding her about.

“Can I help you with something, sir?” She smiled politely as her cheeks flushed. She wondered how she might accept his offer, should he ask. She certainly hoped he would.

“You truly don't recognize me, do you?”

She shook her head. “Should I?”

“Well, Jack Rabbit!” John said as he slapped his hand down on one of the desks. “Wouldn't you know it? The very first person I'd run into would be my very own little Princess, and she don't even know who I am!”

“John?” She stared for a minute. “John!” she squealed. “It is you!” She ran to him laughing and crying at the same time. “You came! You came!” They hugged each other tightly as he swung her around the room. “I can't believe you're really here!”

“Now, you really didn't think I'd stay away after reading a letter like that, did you?” He stood back and looked at her again. “My Princess! My little Princess has grown up, I can't believe it! Now what's this I hear about you being forced into wife slavery?”

“Oh, John. I was so desperate when I wrote that letter. Please don't say anything to Momma about it.”

“Don't worry, it's our secret. I know how it is here. But I'm going to fix everything for you”

“Why didn't you let us know you were coming so we could be watching for your tall, dark and brooding self?” She smiled as she wiped away the tears.

“I wanted to surprise everyone, but I believe it was me that was most surprised!”

“You didn't say anything when we met today. I thought you were trying to spark me! I know that look and you had it in your eyes.”

“Well, you didn't seem to mind it too much.” He laughed. “The truth of it is, I didn't recognize you either. All I knew was that I had just seen the most beautiful girl on earth. I thought I was in love. You are just too pretty for words, my Princess. Why, Mr. Hamilton had to knock me down out of the clouds. No wonder I'm having to come and save you from marriage and all its drudgery. I'm sure there's plenty of fellows out there wanting to get their hands on you.”

She giggled nervously, trying to hide the fact that she'd felt drawn to him too. She was uncomfortable with the oddity of the situation. Here he was, the only man that had ever made her heart skip a beat and it was John. Here, her idol stood before her and she wished he'd have been anyone but him. He seemed to be unconcerned by it all. Perhaps because he didn't know that she'd felt the same. Or, could it be because he hadn't had a crush on her for these many years like she'd had on him? She made an attempt at conversation. “You look well! Life is treating you good then, huh?.”

“I can't complain about anything except the years I've missed. And you... I don't know where Little Sarah's gone off to. You grew up so quickly.” John eyes brimmed with tears then he quickly changed the subject. “Come on, let's go! I'm aching to get home and see Momma.”

“She's going to be so happy! I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees you! Will you stay out and let me go in first and set her up for the surprise?”

“Sure, but don't make me wait too long. I might just burst through the door. I'm so anxious to see her. I've missed all of you so much.”

When they got home, John waited outside and Sarah went in. “Momma, I have a gift for you.” She beamed in excitement.

“Well, where is it?” Marion looked around from the cook stove.

“It's outside. It's a grand surprise! Everyone close your eyes and I'll bring it in! You sit here, Momma and keep your eyes closed really tight until I say open them.” Sarah's voice was high and full of joy. Her eyes were sparkling and brimming with tears.

“I haven't got time for your games, Sarah. You're acting a fool! I'm trying to cook and here you come in with some crazy nonsense.” Marion was visibly aggravated. “I've got supper to get on the table.”

“But, Momma, this is really good. It's something you've been wanting for a long time now, so sit down and close your eyes, please. Don't be mad.”

“All right, all right! Just hurry it up. I have things to tend on the stove.” Marion sat in her chair and propped her face in her hands with eyes closed.

Sarah motioned and John quietly slipped through the door and knelt down in front of his mother. “Now, Momma! Open your eyes!” Sarah sang out.

Marion looked and was face to face with her boy. “John?!” She threw her arms up in the air.

“I'm home, Momma.” He nodded.

“John! Is it truly you? Oh, my little John! You're home, you're really home!” She held his face in her hands as she cried. Tears streamed down both their faces as they hugged each other.

“I've missed you so much, Momma! I've missed all of you.” He looked around the room, his eyes resting on Sarah.

“Oh John, you're as poor as a snake. You haven't been eating right!” She looked him over until she seemed satisfied that he was not a figment of her imagination. “Let me get you some supper cooked up. I'll have you well and hearty in no time. What has the world done to my chubby little boy?”

“Momma, I wish you'd just sit down and talk to me. It's been so long since I've heard your sweet voice or seen your pretty face.”

“Well, it doesn't look like you've had a decent meal since you left here.”

“I haven't. Nobody can cook like you, but I haven't seen any of you since I left here either, and that's what I missed the most. Tell me about everything and how everyone is.” He said as he looked over at the twins. “My Lord... is this Jennie and Bettie?”

“Yes.” They both smiled. “It's us.”

“Come give your ol’ brother a hug! I know you don't remember me, but I remember you two. You were what... three when I left? Babies, just babies. Now look at you, beautiful young women.”

They smiled brightly. “We remember you.” Jennie assured him. “You used to read to us all the time.”

“And we remember you from your letters home too.” Betty chimed in. They both hugged him.

“I have something for each of you.” John picked up his bag and sat down, his eyes twinkling as if he were Santa Claus as he pulled out the two gilded music boxes. When the lids were lifted the music began to play.

“Oh, I've wanted one of these so bad! We both have!” Betty squealed. “How did you know?”

“Oh, I have my ways.” John winked. “Magical ways.” He stretched his eyes wide.

To Marion he gave a cameo. She cried as he pinned it to her blouse top. “You're the most thoughtful son.” She went to the mirror to gaze upon the lovely trinket.

“Now, tell me about everyone and everything.” John smiled. “I'm all ears.”

“We got a letter from D.J., they're in Texas now. Lord only knows what they're doing way out there. He said no sooner had they parked their wagon than Mable and three of the children took down with the fever. They lost little May but everyone else came through. Cora and her rich man are still living the high life in Virginia and their second child is on the way. And what can I say about Nathan... He's still Nathan. That just leaves us.” Marion wistfully sighed.

“How are you two doing, Momma? You and Poppa?”

“Good, we're doing good.”

“The house is just beautiful.” John stood and walked around. “It's even more wonderful than you described in your letters. This sure was money well spent, wasn't it?”

“We're certainly proud of it, son.” They walked with John into the parlor and sat down.

“This is more like it.” John said as he sank down into one of the crushed velvet chairs. There were two of these golden-yellow, high-backed chairs at each end of the long, velvet settee. “Shoot, this is as fine as Tyson's place.” John seemed pleased. “And he's the richest man in Rochester.”

Marion perked up and squeaked. “How elegant we must be!”

There was a knock at the front door. As Jennie opened it, they saw a tall, slender, young man nervously clutching his hat. “I— is Miss Sarah in?” he stuttered.

“Yes.” Jennie answered, standing there with her arms folded staring at the man.

“Uh, um, could I speak with her?”

“Wait here and I'll ask her if she wants to speak to you.” She slammed the door in his face. Sarah laughed.

“Tell him I'm busy today with family from out of state.”

“Jennie, you had no business slamming the door in his face like that” Marion scolded. “We've taught you better! And don't you look so innocent, Sarah. I know you put her up to it! You should treat your callers better than you do. You're going to get a bad name. If he wants to take you for a ride, you should go with him. Don't blame it on John being here. He'll be here when you get back.”

“Sarah, if you want to, you can go. I wouldn't mind.”

“It's not because of you, John.” Marion informed him. “She treats them all rudely. All except for Shane Thompson.

“Shane Thompson. Who's this?”

“He's just a friend, but everyone thinks we're in love because we're so close. We've played together since we were little. His sister is my best friend, too. I suppose I'm in love with her as well.” Sarah grinned sarcastically.

Jennie opened the door. “Sarah is too busy today,” she told the young man

“I'd just like to know if I can escort her to the barn dance at Mr. Willmont's this coming Saturday,” he told Jennie. “I won't take up much of her time.”

“Wait here.” She slammed the door again.

“Jennie, tell Mr. Clay that I am in no need of an escort. If I wish to go to a dance or anywhere else, I can get there on my own.” Jennie started back toward the door but Marion stopped her.

“Jennie Lee DuVal, don't you dare!” She huffed and turned toward Sarah. “If there's something you want that young man to know you tell him yourself. It's not Jennie's place to handle your callers.”

'Fine then, Momma, I will.” Sarah boldly walked over and snatched the door open. “Hello, Mr. Clay.” She clipped her words. “Just so you'll know, I have no desire to accompany you or anyone else to the dance this Saturday. So please, leave us in peace now. Thank you.” She slammed the door shut.

John smiled brightly as though he rather enjoyed watching Sarah tell the young man to, in essence, go jump in the lake.

“Oh, John... she don't need anyone to encourage her in her bad behavior.” Marion looked at Sarah. “What are you going to do when you've alienated all the young men around these parts?”

“I suppose I'll have to start alienating all the old men. You know, when I was shopping the other day even old Mr. Campbell tried to court me, and he must be at least forty.”

“Isn't Mr. Campbell married?” John asked.

“Was. She died two years ago giving birth to their twelfth child. Can't you just see me married to an old man and being nursemaid to his twelve children?” Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Don't you ever intend to be married, Sarah dear?” Marion asked.

“I'm in no rush, Momma. And if folks want to call me an old maid because I'm not tied down to a bossy husband and a brood of children then so be it.”

“You know, Momma, Sarah has a point. No one should push her into marriage.” John defended her.

“Let me ask you something, John,” Marion looked at him. “Have you ever disagreed with Sarah?”

“If she were ever wrong I did. It's not wrong for her to wait till she's ready to be married. Look at me, I'm twenty eight, I'm not married and it's not important.”

“Maybe you're right, John, maybe you're right. I just want what's best for her. But the world is a little different for women, you know. Especially for women like Sarah.”

“So, what she's saying, John, is that I have to marry as soon as possible because I'm not only a woman, but an Indian woman,” Sarah curtly explained. She looked over at Marion. “Well, Momma, what do you think that man will do to me when he finds out I'm an Indian and that I've covered it up? I'd rather not marry if I can't tell anyone who I really am! I want someone to love me because I'm me.”

They heard a wagon coming. Sarah stood to look out the window. “It's just Nathan,” she spit out the words. If anyone could ruin this perfectly wonderful day, it would be him.

John went out to meet him.

“Well, well, well... Our hero returns!” Nathan waved his arm in the air as if to show grandeur. He stood up from the wagon bench and bowed. “Fine thing not letting me know you were in town,” He sneered. “Mr. Hamilton informed me when I went in to buy supplies. Now how stuck up is that, I ask you?” Nathan laughed as he jumped down from the wagon and slapped John's shoulder a few times, harder than necessary. “Its mighty good to see you again, John. It's been too long. We thought you'd dropped off the face of the earth or somethin'.”

“Come on in!” Marion called. “I'm cooking a big supper. Where's the rest of your family?”

“Home. The old lady wouldn't come ‘cause this is her baking day and she wouldn't leave it. I brought Mary Anne and Nathan Jr. with me though. I left the little one home, hangin’ off its ma's teat.” He spit a stream of tobacco juice on the ground. “I swear that's one hungry young-un. I guess I need to make her a harness to tote it around by so she'll have both her hands. She can't hardly get nothin’ done. Takes her all day just to cook and bake and that ain't even talking about the washing and cleaning. The house looks like a pure hog sty. But I did take these two out of her way. Might could help her out a little.” He motioned toward the two freckled redheads.

“Hey there, I'm your uncle John.” He smiled at them. They both looked at him as if he was lying.

“How come I don't know you then?” Mary Anne spoke in a stern, demanding tone.

“I guess it's ‘cause I've been away, but I know about you. And I have a presents for you and your brothers.”

“Where are they then?”

“Come on in and I'll give them to you.”

“How's Elsie feeling?” Sarah asked. Nathan looked at her, paused, then went on talking. John noticed the deliberate slight and answered for him.

“Well, she's baking, so I suppose that she's fine, huh Nathan?”

“Yeah, she's fine. Getting bigger every day. Got us another one in the oven, ya know. How's life been treating you, John?” Nathan asked.

“I can't complain, except that I have really missed being home.”

“Yeah, Looks like it. What's it been, twelve years? Couldn't have missed us all that much, huh?”

“Well, I have my reasons. The years just passed without me even knowing it. Has it been twelve years?”

“I bet Sarah could tell you to the hour how long it's been, couldn't ya, Sarah?” Nathan laughed. His laugh was grating and belittling. “Get me a drink of water.” Nathan glared at Sarah.

John handed the children their gifts as Sarah handed a glass of water to Nathan. “Whew, gal, this water's been drawn up for hours, you know I like it fresh and cool.”

“I'm sorry, I'll be right back.” Sarah went straight into the kitchen to pump up some fresh water.

The children were tearing into their gifts. Mary Anne pulled a doll from the paper. “I don't like this! I don't play with dolls no way!” She looked at her brother's wooden horse. She snatched it from him. “He don't like his neither! You got anything else in that bag?” She plopped the toys back in John's lap.

“Sorry, little spitfire, but that's all I have.” He chuckled as he apologized.

“Then give them here.” She huffed and took the toys back. She handed Nathan Jr. his horse and began playing with her doll. “I'm gonna call her Pansy, after you, Uncle John.” She grinned up at him.

“Really? I'm honored but my name isn't Pansy.”

“Well, that's what Daddy tells Momma you are and that you... ” Nathan loudly interrupted.

“Well, John. What kind of work is it that you do again?”

“I work for the newspaper.”

“Oh, I know, I know. But what exactly is your job at the paper?”

“I set type. Get stories. Distribute.”

“You get all that money just for that?”

“Well, I'm an editor too.”

“Oh, fancy work I see. Don't break too many sweats on that job, huh?”

“You'd be surprised how much I sweat, Nathan.”

Daniel walked in. “What's all this?” he asked in shocked tones.

John smiled. “Hello, Poppa!”

“That can't be you, can it? John? My long lost pup has come home! Not a pup anymore, is he Momma?” Daniel gave John a bear hug. His eyes were full of joy as they all sat down to supper. John ate as if he hadn't eaten in years, until everyone laughed at how he wolfed it down.

“We'll get you fattened up in two shakes of a lamb's tail!” Marion said joyfully.

“Get me more bread, Sarah,” Nathan ordered “And I need more drink too.”

Sarah obeyed as Marion and Daniel sat on talking. She was smiling and listening to the conversation as she reached between Mary Anne and Nathan to pour the drink. That's when Mary Anne elbowed Sarah, sloshing the water over Nathan and nearly causing Sarah to drop the pitcher.

“You clumsy fool!” Nathan sprang up from the table wiping his clothes. “I'm soaked to the skin! You poured that out on purpose, you half-wit. I saw ya!”

“It got on me too, Daddy,” Mary Anne reported.

“Sarah, you must be more careful.” Marion leapt up to get Nathan and Mary Anne some towels.

“I think I'll take some air. That supper was wonderful, Momma.” John kissed Marion on her cheek and walked out.

Daniel followed him. “I'll take some air with you,” he said as he reached for his pipe.

The night sky was clear and all the stars twinkled to the melody of the night crickets. “I'm so happy to be home, Poppa. I've really missed everyone. You've built a wonderful place here. Everything looks so grand. This is a home that you and Momma deserve.”

“It was you who helped us do all this. I know this was built at the expense of time with your family. It makes me question if it was worth it. You've been away too long, son. What in the world was so important? Surely not only this house and land.”

“Just keeping the peace, Poppa. You remember what happed the last time I was home. I just couldn't abide Nathan. I love you all so very much, but me and Nathan are like oil and water. Why can't we get along? Why is he always so angry... So bitter and nasty? I know he does things just to get my dander up, and I know he lashes out at Sarah to get to me. I try to ignore him but when it comes right down to it, I want to wring his skinny neck and I just got home. I thought we'd grown up, but I can see he hasn't. He's still the same old Nathan. Did you see that girl of his shove Sarah when she was pouring the water?”

“I see a lot, but those of us who have patience must let those without get by with their mess. I think he's envious of you, anyway. Maybe you could try being a little more generous with him. The boy is odd, there's no two ways about that. And he just strikes out at anyone, doesn't matter if you're here or not. He's one of those kind who look for trouble, just to have something going on. We have to recognize that and be lenient with him.” Daniel put his arm around John's shoulders. “But you've always been ready to fight for justice, haven't you? I remember that day when you wanted to plow into that army of men with guns. I'm proud of you son and I'm proud of the way you hold your temper... just keep holding it so it won't rip us apart again. Your coming home has meant so much to your momma and me. Let's think of being together and not so much about Nathan's animosity. Maybe he'll wake up one day and join the family if we can just keep it together till then.”

Nathan came out and loaded the children in the wagon. He drove past where Daniel and John were standing propped against the fence near the end of the yard. “Y'all can go back in now. Evil, mean Nathan and his spawn is leavin'.”

“Stay and talk with us,” John offered. “We're just getting a breath of fresh air.”

“If you'd wanted to talk with me you'd have asked me to come out with you in the first place.”

“I didn't have to ask Poppa. I didn't think I'd have to ask you either.”

“I've gotta get home to the missus anyway. There'll be hell to pay if I leave her for long.”

“Good night, son.” Daniel called to him as Nathan drove away. The rumbling sound of his wagon wheels faded into the night. “He takes everything so personal... but the best thing to do is let him feel sorry for himself. That's the only way he's happy. It's good of you to try and soothe his feelings, but I just don't believe it can be done. He's always wanted all the attention.” Daniel put his pipe in his mouth and looked up at the stars.

“I think he wants something more than attention, I just don't know what that is. Does he seem better when I'm not around?”

“No, worse actually. I think he was happy to see you again.”

“That was Nathan being happy? I've left you folks at his mercy far too long.”

They both laughed as the smoke from Daniel's pipe drifted on the cool night air.

Chapter Twelve

* * * *

John tossed and turned all night. Visions of Sarah, that breathtaking image he'd seen in town, kept invading his thoughts. He was glad to see and hear the first signs of morning. The sun crept into sight as John dressed to the sharp echoes of roosters crowing.

He walked downstairs and into the kitchen as Marion was putting breakfast on the table. He kissed her cheek. “Morning, Momma.”

“Good morning, my long lost boy. I knew you'd be the first one up when you smelled these biscuits and gravy.” She chuckled happily.

“Oh, Momma! It's been so long since I've had a good old biscuit. I hope you made enough for everyone with me here.” John smiled as he licked his lips.

Sarah came in with the milk. “Here, let me help you with that.” John rushed over and took the bucket from her. He flinched as his hand brushed against hers, almost dropping the bucket.

“For goodness sake, John,” she laughed. “let me take care of it, if that's the best you can do. Sit and talk to me while I strain the milk. Tell me about everything. I want to hear about your life in the big city. I want to hear about it all. Is it very exciting?”

“Nothing much to tell but that it gets awful lonesome. I have friends, but it's not like family.” Sarah must have noticed him staring at her because her cheeks flushed a bright pink. She quickly looked down at her work.

“Then why haven't you been home before now?” Marion asked. “We miss you terribly when you're not here.”

“Momma, you know me and Nathan don't get along too well. Besides, I have a job to do. I just didn't want to cause trouble. I'm short tempered when it comes to Nathan.”

“I know, but you're brothers, it shouldn't be like this. Is there anything you can think of to make it better?”

“To keep my mouth shut, as always. But when it gets so that I can't, I'll have to leave because I love you all too much. Even old fuss bucket, Nathan. I don't know what else to do besides stay away. Seems as if I've always rubbed him the wrong way.”

“The green eyed monster shouldn't keep us apart, John.” Marion hugged him.

Soon everyone was up and ready for the day. They joyfully ate breakfast together, laughing and talking over the days gone by. Jennie and Bettie left for school early so they could talk with their friends before the bell rang. Sarah washed the dishes and freshened up. “I'll see you this afternoon.” She smiled at John then kissed Marion before leaving.

“Wait,” John called as he grabbed his hat. “I'll walk with you. I'd like to look around a bit and visit our old pig trails.” He hugged Marion. “Delicious biscuits, Momma, save me some for lunch. I can't get enough of them.”

She smiled and swatted him on his shoulder. “If you're not back soon I'll feed them to the chickens. I don't want you gallivanting all day and leaving me when we have so much catching up to do. Don't make me have to walk into town and get your lanky behind.”

“I won't, Momma. Love you!” John called as he followed Sarah out the door.

They walked along quietly for a while. He couldn't help staring at her. He was looking for any sign of the little girl he had left here so many years ago. It was hard. This vision of beauty had sprung up from that little girl he once carried on his shoulders. But he had to make himself see her, he had to see the little girl. He couldn't deal with it if he couldn't see this woman as his little Sara... his little Princess. It would be too odd and weird... it would hurt too much to see her as the woman she'd become. When he glanced over at her, he found her staring at him.

“Is everything all right, John?’ She asked when seeing the tears in his eyes.

“I'm lost in my memories of you and of time gone by. Of times, never to be recaptured, time that I missed. Where did that little girl go? Where did my little Princess go?”

“Your little Princess?” An enormous wave of fiery anger suddenly seemed to erupt from Sarah. “Little Princess indeed! I use to believe that lie, I used to be so gullible, how stupid I was,” Sarah snarled. “The notion that I was dear to you faded a long time ago, sweet brother.”

“You doubt how much I care? Do you know how hard it was for me to stay away? You don't understand!” John was shocked by her sudden vehemence. He'd never imagined Sarah like this.

“All I understand is that I've been here waiting for you, praying for you day after day but you never felt the need to see me at all. I would have given anything for just a glimpse of you. Now you have the nerve to tell me you're disappointed because I'm not your ‘little Princess’ anymore? What did you think, John? That I would remain a child forever? Did you think you had locked me away frozen in time until you decided to return? I have lived every day for you, for your letters, for your return. Longing for your love and kindness while Nathan tormented me. He tormented me beyond reason! He is my worst nightmare come to life and I bore it alone because you ran away, because you couldn't handle him. You left me, your ‘Princess’ to handle him all alone!”

“Oh, Sarah!” John reached out to her and took her in his arms. “Forgive me! I thought I made it harder on you and everyone else. I thought it was only me who made him bitter.”

Sarah pushed John away. “Well, you think long and hard. See if you can figure out who he took it out on when you left. I, your Princess, had to stay here and take what you couldn't! I thank God I grew up... no one protected me. No one! Thank God I'm grown! Thank God I'm not that completely helpless little girl anymore!” Tears began to roll down Sarah's cheeks.

Again John took her in his arms. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was like this. I did what I thought was right. I was just a boy myself, and wanted to make things better for everyone. But you must know that I love you more than my life!”

She buried her face in his chest as she sobbed. “Oh John, I had no idea I was this bitter. I'm just so angry! It's just that you left and he stayed. It isn't fair, it'll never be fair to you or to me!” John held her tightly as she went on. “I remember how it was. I remember how Nathan made you feel. I just needed you. I'm angry because I couldn't have you and then, to get letters from you telling me about that Tad girl. Why not me instead of her? If you had room for her, why not for me? Why John? Why? Why didn't you come and get me?”

“Too many questions I can't tell you the answers to. I'm angry and hurt. You have to know that. You have to know I wanted you with me. I tried to let Tad take your place because I missed you so bad.” John kissed her on the forehead and gently wiped the tears away from her face. “But my work wouldn't let me bring my family into it. Tad had to be there and that's the only reason she was. She helped fill the void in my heart caused when I had to leave you, but she never could take your place. You are my Princess, don't you ever doubt that, my Sarah!”

“I'm sorry, but I thought I'd explode if I didn't let this out. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I love you too, John.”

“Come on, my Princess, you have children to teach.” He smoothed back a strand of Sarah's dark hair. “I can't undo the past. But I'm here now and I will do anything to make it up to you and to make you happy.”

“If you go away again, you must promise to take me with you. Don't ever leave me here. If you leave me again I'll die, I'll just die! Your being here has given me something back, something I lost when you went away. I can't live like that ever again! I can't! If you run off and leave me here, I'll just die! I'll be bitter and hateful and I'll hate you most of all for leaving me!”

“All right, all right. I'll take you with me, just please stop crying! I'll never leave you again.”

“You promise? You swear?”

“Yes, yes! With all my heart I swear it! I swear I'll never leave you again.” John hugged her close. “You'll always be my beautiful Princess,” He whispered softly. The smell of her hair and the feel of her in his arms made him completely forget about the little girl as he wanted to hold this woman for the rest of his life. He suddenly stepped back. “Now, let's go. Want a piggy back ride?” He laughed, trying to bring himself back to little Sarah.

“Maybe, on the way home.” She gave him a weak smile.

“I saw you and Miss. Sarah walking to the school.” Mr. Hamilton smiled as John entered the store. “It sure is great seeing you two together again. Like old times around here. I remember when you used to bring that little one to town on your back. Goodness, how long ago was that? Seems just like yesterday.”

“I know, I should have come back before now.”

“What kept you away so long?”

“I wish everyone would stop asking me that. It was business and Nathan.”

“Nathan more than business I suppose, huh? I figured as much. That boy walks around with a chip on his shoulder the size of a boulder. Nobody can get along with him... or he can't get along with nobody. Whichever way you wanna take it.”

“I never could figure him out. I don't know what he wants. But I can guarantee you, it isn't me!” John shook his head. “Well, old man, you have any good books in stock?”

“I don't know if they're good or not. The boy that used to order them for me just up and left town. I wouldn't know a good book if it bit me.” They laughed and talked as if no time at all had passed.

John strolled over to the library and sat at the table where he and Sarah had spent so many happy hours. He could almost see that little girl sitting there, with her bright eyes and cheerful face. “Mr. Elf Goes To Town,” John whispered to himself as he slowly walked out the door and started on the path that cut through the woods toward home. He remembered them playing hide and seek among the bushes and trees. Their laughter rang to the far ends of the woods as he pretended not to know where she was, yet all she had hidden was her little face behind the small sapling that was now a tall, full tree with birds nesting in its branches.

It was almost eleven o'clock when John got home. “Did you throw the biscuits away, Momma?” His cheerful voice rang out as he walked in.

She smiled back at him. “Yes, I did. But guess what? I made fresh ones just for you.”

“Now, Momma, I remember when you'd have called that pure wasteful.”

“Well this is a special day. My prodigal son is home and he deserves fresh hot ones, don't you think?” She hugged him. “I'm so glad you're here. It gets lonesome in this big house when everyone is gone. Day after day, I sit here all alone. It's so hard when I'm used to a big family and children always underfoot. It's just lonesome. Sometimes I even miss the old cabin. Everyone being so close and together, ya know?”

“I never thought of it. I suppose you must get terrible lonesome.”

“Well, you're here now. Let's talk and eat those biscuits!” She smiled as she took the biscuits from the stove.

Weeks passed and John eased back into his place in the family. He began doing chores with Daniel. But when Sarah got home in the evenings, they spent every available minute together. Sometimes they'd sit down by the spring for hours just talking and getting to know each other again. She fascinated John with her mature personality and in-depth understanding. He just sat there looking long into her eyes as she talked to him about her students. The bright ones, the ones who challenged her, and the ones who were just downright incorrigible.

John being home was like a dream come true for Sarah. When Nathan came over John would whisk her away from his torment, keeping everything peaceful in her world. John was here, she was safe and she had him all to herself.

“Sarah, would you like to go into town with me and the twins this afternoon? We're going to have tea with Mrs. Hamilton and let her measure the girls for their summer frocks,” Marion asked.

“No, I guess I'll stay here and wait for John to get done in the field. He promised he'd help me pick some blackberries for a cobbler.”

“I may not be back in time to make a cobbler,” Marion snapped.

“Oh, I'll make it. I remember how you do it.”

“Well, in that case, do you think you can remember how to cook the whole supper too? That would be more useful than you flitting around all day with your brother.”

“Yes, ma'am. I surely can.”

“Well, we won't rush back then, have it ready by supper time. We'll all be hungry.”

“I know. Just go and have a good time. Tell Mrs. Hamilton hello for me.”

Sarah busied herself preparing what she would cook for supper. Later she and John would pick the berries for the cobbler. As she waited for John to come in she cleaned the house and peeled the potatoes. She heard someone coming and looked out the window as Nathan rode up to the house, hopped down from the wagon and lumbered in.

“Where's everybody?” he snapped.

“John and Poppa are working. Momma and the twins went into town.”

“When will they be back?”

“I have no idea.”

“Well, when did they leave, oh bright one? Don't smart with me you wench! You must have a little bit of an idea!” Sarah could tell that he was somewhat tipsy.

“They left about an hour ago, I guess. I'm supposed to have supper ready when everyone comes in. So, I suppose they'll be home by supper time.”

“What are you cookin’ up? Savage stew?” He let a loud guff-haw.

“No, it's idiots’ delight. You are staying for supper, aren't you? So, I'm sure you'll be delighted!” Sarah was shocked at her outburst. What was wrong with her? Just who did she think she was? Stupid, stupid, Sarah! John being home had given her a voice, but she trembled as she realized who she had used it on... Nathan, of all people, and there was no one else around. He lumbered toward her, his eyes narrowed.

“You watch yourself, or I'll slap the taste off that wagging tongue of yours.”

“You're the one to be watching himself. I'm not afraid of you anymore!” Sarah lied. She was terrified. She was just as scared of Nathan as she'd even been. Even more so now that she'd been so brazen as to sling a scathing retort.

“Why ain't you scared anymore? Because your precious John is here? I'll slap you both into tomorrow!” He drew back his fist toward Sarah and she backed away from him.

“If you hit me John will see... I'll tell him you did it! I won't lie for you this time! I swear, I'll tell him!”

“Just what is that little pansy boy of yours going to do to me?” He grabbed Sarah by the arm. She kicked him, as hard as she could in the shin. He bent down to rub his stinging leg. “You got it now gal!” He hissed as she ran upstairs into her room and shut the door. “Get out here you damn witch!” She stood against the door. He pushed against it harder and harder until she couldn't hold it any longer. She fell back onto the floor and Nathan stepped into the room.

“Get out!” She screamed. “Leave me alone! Get out of my room!”

“Oh, you don't want me in your room?” He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her up towards him. “Then we better get out of here.” He slapped her into the hallway. He grabbed her and drew back his fist just as John topped the stairs.

“Don't you dare!” His voice sounded like it thundered from somewhere deep inside him like a tiger's roar. Nathan looked up in shock. Surely his every nerve ending must have bristled at the coldness in John's rage. But Sarah knew he wouldn't show fear! He wouldn't back down!

He stiffened his back in defiance. “What is it with you and this savage witch?” He yelled. “You act like she's a bit more than your sister, if you ask me!”

“You nasty-minded bastard! Get out of this house before I throw you out.”

“Ha! Like it's yours. I'll stay here as long as I want to. Sarah's bewitched little man ain't gonna tell me what to do. Throw me out indeed, you might break a sweat and then what?” Nathan drunkenly swaggered up to John and boldly shoved his chest into him.

“You reek of liquor. I'm not fighting a simple minded drunk. Come on, Sarah, if he won't leave we will.” John took Sarah and went down the stairs.

Nathan was close behind them. “Oh, ‘simple minded’ am I now?” He grasped John by his shoulder and pulled him around. “You ready to finish what we started those years ago before you took off like the little Pansy you are?”

John pulled around and kept walking. Nathan grabbed Sarah and slung her aside. She landed hard against the wall. John's anger erupted and he flew into Nathan with all his might.

“Stop it! Oh please stop!” Sarah cried out. They didn't hear her. They didn't choose to hear her. Nothing mattered to them except delivering the hardest blow they could muster up. They tumbled backwards into a curio knocking it over and shattering the delicate figurines that Marion so prized, but still they fought. Sarah ran with all her might to get Daniel. By the time they got back the fight was over. John sat at the foot of the stairs, the house was a shambles and Nathan was gone.

“Good God Almighty, look at this, look at what you've done to your momma's house! What's wrong with you two bull-headed idiots? I hope you're both proud of yourselves! Where's Nathan?”

“He tucked his tail between his legs and ran home like the coward he is. I wanted to kill him this time, Poppa... I swear I did!”

“He's your brother, boy!”

“He's not my brother! He's never been my brother! I don't know who the hell he is!”

“Don't you talk that way in my house!”

“This is it Poppa... I'm leaving. I can't take it. I'll kill him if I stay. I'm going to get this place cleaned up and then I'm gone.”

“You'll break your mother's heart if you leave like this again.”

“How broke will Momma's heart be if her sons kill each other? I see now that Nathan and I will never get along. I know he loves me and I love him... I don't know what this is. I don't know what this is. I don't understand this.” He looked around the shattered house in frustration. “I don't like it anymore than anyone else. It breaks my heart to have to leave again... to have to leave after something like this again.” John hung his head. “It's my own fault. I should have moved on before now. I felt it building up but I thought I could control myself, but when I saw him hit Sarah... Oh, Poppa, it was foolish of me to think I could stay. It just felt so good to be home. I wanted it to work so bad.”

“We can't sit here all day crying over spilt milk, we've got to get this place back into some sort of order before your momma gets home.”

With heavy hearts, Sarah, John and Daniel began cleaning up and repairing what they could. They had it done before that evening. The house looked better than ever, but Marion could tell by John's battered face that all was not well.

“Oh no... Nathan and you?” her voice quivering in anguish was but a whisper. She sobbed as she reached out to touch his face. “I knew it was coming, I could feel it. I hoped against hope that it wouldn't happen.”

“I know, Momma. I tried, really I did, I'm sorry.”

“I know you did, son. Seems as if you two were just born to lock horns.”

“I'll be leaving in the morning.”

“No! Oh, please don't go! I'll never see you again. I know you'll never come back home. It was twelve years you stayed away... how long will it be this time?”

“I'll come home again soon. Everything would have been fine if I could have just taken Sarah and walked out. He wouldn't have it. He went too far this time and I couldn't walk away. He just went too far. There's nothing on the face of this earth that I can do but leave. Sarah is coming with me this time and I'll bring her back for visits but we for sure won't stay long.”

Sarah looked at John a little shocked and surprised, her face lit up. He's taking me with him! He is really taking me with him! I'm leaving here! No more Nathan, oh, thank God!

“You're leaving too?” Marion looked at Sarah.

“Oh yes, Momma... I am. I love you dearly but I can't stand Nathan either.”

“What about the children and the school? Who's going to take over when you're gone?”

“I'm sure Greta wouldn't mind taking my spot. I don't know why you're so against me going anyway... didn't you want me gone? What was all that about trying to marry me off?”

“That was for your own good. You need to settle down with a family and not go gallivanting off with your brother. And Greta don't have time for that school. She's a married woman with children.”

“She'll do it. I know she will. I'm going to go talk to her now.” Sarah hurried out of the house. Right then, she didn't care if no one taught the school. She didn't care what anyone thought... she was leaving here! And she was leaving with John!

“You want me to do what?” Greta was shocked.

“Take over the school. It'd be a pity to let it die.”

“George would never allow it.”

“Allow? Greta, since when has George ever ruled you?”

“This is different, Sarah. If it brought in extra money maybe I could talk him into it. But to leave the house to itself to go off teaching for free? He would bust a gut!”

“Well, if not you, the school will die. I've put enough years into it. I'm leaving, Greta.”

“Where are you going?”

“With John. He's leaving in the morning and I'm going with him.”

“I thought he was staying.”

“He came in and caught Nathan about to hit me. They got in the most awful fight. Now, he's leaving and taking me away from this! I'm not staying, I don't care about the school, if you don't take it over maybe someone else will. I'm not staying behind because of it. I'm not going to be beat down anymore! This is my chance and I'm taking it.”

“You go, Sarah. Don't you worry or feel guilty over anything. I'll teach or I'll find someone who will. You get out of here and you be happy!”

“Thank you, Greta! Thank you so much!” They hugged.

Shane stepped from the house. His blond hair had been swiped back and held there from the sweat of the day. A deep tan made his eyes look even more blue as his chiseled jaw worked on a bite of apple pie. “What's going on here?” He looked at Sarah and cut her a crooked smile.

“Sarah is leaving us, Shane.”

“What? Leaving us? Why, and where are you going?” He looked shocked. The sparkle in his eyes faded away.

“I'm leaving in the morning with John.”

“What for? What's happened?”

“Because he asked me to go and I want to go far away from here. Away from that crazy Nathan, anyway!”

“Well, I want you to stay!” Shane's eyes flashed.

“I know, but I'm leaving. I have to go, I want to go!”

“But... ” Shane started to protest more.

Greta interrupted him. “Let her go, Shane... Think of her, not yourself.”

“But, Sarah... I love you! Don't you know that by now? Don't you know that I've always loved you? You don't have to be around Nathan! I'll take you anywhere you want to go.” He wrapped his arms around her. Tears came to Greta's eyes as she heard her brother's begging pleas.

“Shane... please, don't talk like that. You know I don't like it. You and Greta are my best friends on earth, but we're not in love with each other. We're just best friends, and we'll always love each other.”

“Maybe you're not in love with me, but don't tell me how I feel.”

“I'm coming back, I'm not leaving for good. I couldn't do that, I'd miss you too much. I just want out of here away from everything, but mainly I want to be away from Nathan, you know that. I don't want to get married to do that.”

Shane touched Sarah's face gently. Tears filled his loving eyes as he softly spoke to her. “Leave if that's what you need to do, but please don't forget me... us.” Shane hugged Sarah tightly then quickly left.

Greta hugged her. “Write us. Let us hear from you often.”

“I will. I promise. I'll never forget either of you ever... I love you both so much. I wish I could take you with me. This is my chance to have a life of my own and have a real adventure. You know me... I've craved this forever. I'm going to New York! And oh, how wonderful not to have to watch my back every minute of every day.”

“I know... I want that for you too.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “But don't let all the wonders of the world make you forget me. Come back, I'll be here. I'll always be here for you my dearest friend... my truest sister.”

Sarah looked out the window of the speeding locomotive. Things whizzed by so fast it made her dizzy. She was excited and the light-headed feeling made her giggle.

“What's so funny?” John looked up from the paper he was reading.

His bruised face made her feel guilty about being so happy. “It's just a funny feeling I get when I look out the window. It makes me want to laugh.”

“Yeah, I felt that way too on my first train ride. You'll get to where you pay it no mind after about seven hundred trips.”

“Will we be making a lot of trips back and forth from Rochester to Tennessee?”

“A few, yes. But I'll probably have to start work when I get back. It takes a lot of my time. But you can go back and forth as much as you'd like.”

“Alone? Just me?”

“Sure... It'll be fine. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

“John, I really don't think I'll ever want to go back.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I'll miss them, but I won't miss that situation at all. I never could help myself or have an opinion without being scorned. This is my new life... my chance to break free.”

“I know how you feel, Sarah.” John looked out the window and smiled. “I guess I stopped taking the time to look out the window, it still gives me that feeling too. I suppose it doesn't matter how many times you travel, it's exciting. And your being here makes it even more exciting for me. I'm glad you're here to share and show me what I've been ignoring.”

When they stepped off the train in Rochester, Sarah was amazed at the hustle and bustle of this place. There were people going and coming everywhere. A noise echoed through the station all the time. Not just one noise that you could point to and say, oh, that's it. This was a sort of continuous hum that was there all the time. Sarah felt her stomach tighten up with excitement. She liked it!

“Hello, Sir,” a man dressed in a funny looking costume spoke to John. “Mr. Tyson sent me to bring you both home.”

“That will be fine, Ben.” John took Sarah by the arm as she reached down to pick up her luggage. “Leave it there.”

“But I can't leave my luggage here!”

“No, Madam, I will get that for you,” Ben informed her.

“I can get it. It's not heavy.”

“That's what he does, Sarah. Just let him. Makes him feel bad if you don't.”

“I see.” She smiled. Then the man led them to a fancy looking box on wheels called a carriage. “I've seen these things in pictures, John. But never thought I'd ride in one.”

“It's a might different from the old buckboard, isn't it?” John laughed.

“You can say that again!” Sarah's eyes were wide. The man opened the door and held out his hand towards her. She climbed in and sank down into the soft crushed velvet seat. She had never seen such comfort and richness in her life. This was so fancy it belonged in a parlor, and not in a means of transportation. John climbed in and sat beside her.

“Pretty fine indeed, huh? Almost fit for my Princess!” He winked at her.

“It's beyond anything I've ever known!”

“Just wait till you get to the house.”

“It's fancier than this?” Her eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Perhaps,” John chuckled.

The carriage came to a stop in front of a very large house. It loomed before Sarah as she stood on the sidewalk in front of it. The grounds were perfectly manicured, the house was white and stately with columns and a balcony in front. A fountain in the form of a cherub pouring water out of a bucket stood in the middle of the front yard. It flowed from the first small level, to the next and next then into the large pool with a relaxing sound. Its trickling music reminded Sarah of the mountain stream back home.

“This is where you've lived all these years, John?”

“Be it ever so humble.” He grinned.

“No wonder you didn't want to come home again!” Sarah stretched her eyes. “I wouldn't want to leave here either.”

“This is all well and good, but none of it even comes close to you.”

“Me, above such elegance?”

“Yes, you, my Princess.” He took her hand as they walked up to the mansion.

When John knocked on the front door, a short young woman answered. Her auburn hair was fixed in a loose bun with ringlets falling haphazardly here and there. Her face was pretty, with skin smooth and white as a china doll's.

“Have a room for a wandering man?” John teased.

“Mr. DuVal, sir! What's ‘appened to ya?” She looked at him in horror. Sarah noticed her funny accent.

“Is something wrong with me?”

“Sir, ya know good and well yer face is all busted up!”

“Oh, that.” John touched his swollen eye. “That'll teach me to play poker with an extra deck!”

“What?” She looked confused.

“I was caught cheating at poker, Tess.” John teased.

“Oh... ye are bad, ye are! Ye know better than that!”

“Are you going to leave us out here all day? Now that would be what I'd call, bad!”

“Of course not, sir. Come right in. Yer room is just as you left it. Just as ye ordered.”

“Oh no, I'd better get up there and clean it then before my sister sees it! She'll think I'm a slob.”

“Ain't ye that, sir?”

“I'm just as sloppy as the maid lets me be!”

“Oh, so now ‘tis bein’ my fault, it ‘tis?”

“I didn't say that.”

“I may not be as quick in mind as ye, sir. yet accordin’ to me limited thinkin’ there's no other way of understandin’ it!” She cut her gaze at him.

“Now, Tess, don't get your back up. Not before you've had a chance to meet my sister.”

The small woman looked Sarah up and down. “Hum, you two look nothin’ alike. And you're a bit shy aren't ye missy? Not at all like your big lug of a brother here!”

“I'm a bit shy at first, yes. But I warm up quickly.” Sarah looked at the short servant woman. She couldn't be more than five feet tall. Sarah towered over her but she couldn't deny that Tess was rather pretty and she smiled at John just like Shane smiled at her. Tess's fiery green eyes were fixed intently on him. Then, Sarah knew the truth. This woman was in love with John! The way he carried on with her, did he love her too? Sarah felt a twinge of jealousy over the situation. She resented the relationship John and this strange woman shared. But she quickly scolded herself for feeling that way. These people are his friends, Sarah DuVal! They've been with him many years and he should care for them and they should care for him! Sarah smiled warmly at Tess, the maid.

“We got your telegram and I did freshen up your room and had the ajoinin’ apartment fixed up for yer sister.

“That's fine, Tess.”

“Will ye be takin’ your dinner in the dining room or in yer rooms?”

“I think we'll keep to the rooms tonight. We're both tired from the trip.”

“Well then, I'll be bringin’ it up to ye soon as ‘tis ready.”

John led Sarah up the grand staircase. The railing swirled upward in rich dark wood that was artfully carved in elaborate designs. At the top was a hallway. You could turn either left or right. John led her to the right then left again and they were walking down a fabulous white hall. Doors lined both sides with elegant carved wood framing. When they reached the end of that hall, John opened the door to the last room. “Welcome to my home away from home.” He motioned for her to enter. The room was warmly lit by two lamps, one on either side of the door. There were two plush chairs sitting in front of an ornate fireplace. Two very large windows overlooked the gardens.

Though it was dusky evening now, Sarah could still see the bright pinks, reds and yellows of the rose garden. “This is grand, John! Truly grand. I can't believe I'm actually here. I can't believe you live here. This is unlike anything I could have ever imagined.”

“You should have seen the place I lived when I first moved up here. Drab, nasty, rat infested hole in the wall! I don't know how I survived that.” There was a knock at the door. John turned to the door and admitted Tess with a large tray of food. She crossed the room and placed it on a small table between the two windows. John pulled out one of the plush high back chairs and motioned for Sarah to sit.

“Thank you, sir.” She giggled, acting prim and proper as she sat down.

“You are most welcome Princess.” John bowed to her.

“Royalty indeed!” Tess laughed and rolled her eyes as she left the room.

“She's a funny sort isn't she, John, with that accent and all?”

“She keeps me in stitches. She loves to pick on people but when they pick back, she gets offended. We all have great fun with her temper.” John sat across the table from Sarah. “I guess that's the Irish in her, a real fiery woman, she is.”

Sarah giggled and placed the linen napkin embroidered with ETC on her lap. “What's that stand for?”

“Emerald Clyde Tyson. The fella who owns all this. He's a good sort too.”

“I'm glad to see that you have happy people around you.” In fact, she didn't think Tess was truly happy, she got an odd feeling from her but she chalked it up to her own jealousy. “That's what we all should do, surround ourselves with happy and friendly people.” Sarah tasted her soup. “There was none of this kind of ‘play picking’ at home. It was always so grim and serious. Just pure grumpiness.”

“We have no grumps around here. We're all just like playful children, I suppose.”

“Everyone?”

“Just wait till you meet the others. You'll see what I mean.”

“I can't wait!” Sarah smiled as she took a drink and dabbed at her lips with the corner of her finely embroidered napkin.

Chapter Thirteen

* * * *

Early the next morning, John, anxious to show Sarah all the wonders of Rochester, knocked on her door. “Rise and shine,” he called out. “The day can't start without you, sunshine!”

Sarah stretched before sitting up in bed and rubbing her eyes. She looked around, still a bit shocked by being here. Then quickly got up and put on her robe.

“What time is it?” She peeped through the door.

“Almost eight. The sun is over the trees already, lazy bones! Come on, get ready. There's so much I want to show you... so much we have to do.”

“What are we going to do?”

“First of all, we're going shopping. We have to get you some big city clothes to wear.”

“But, John, I have no money.”

“Come on. I'm buying!”

“I can't let you do that. I'll be getting a job soon and can buy my own clothes.”

“First you need decent clothes to get that job, don't ya know? Come on!”

“Just give me a minute.” Sarah got up and dressed in a hurry.

They went on an all-day shopping spree. Buying dresses, shoes, gloves, hats and under things. “You're going to be the best dressed girl around!” he told her.

“With all these new clothes, I know I will be! I hope I can afford to pay you back.”

“They're gifts.” He paused as they passed by a shop window. “Look at that.”

“What is it?”

“That, right there.” John pointed to a gold locket in the window.

“It's very pretty.” Sarah walked on.

“Wait, come on... let's go inside and see how it looks on you.”

“No, John! I mean it. No more! I'll already have to work half my life to pay this back.”

“It can't hurt to try it on. Besides, I told you, these are gifts. You don't have to pay me back.”

“Try it on... Just try it on... That's what you said about the last two shops we went in and we walked out with more boxes. I'm not going in there and I'm not trying on that necklace and that's final!”

“You don't want to see how it looks?”

“John, you're just feeding my bad side. Of course I want fine things, but you're taking it too far!”

“Have you ever seen a princess without some kind of fine jewelry? Doesn't my Princess deserve the best of everything?”

“Well, I already have the best standing right here beside me.” She placed her hand on his shoulder. “I don't need a lot of things to make me feel special when I have you!” John's look became deep as his eyes transfixed on her. He reached out and caressed her face. Sarah had seen this look before from Shane, but surely she was misreading it now. Perhaps imagining something in his gaze that wasn't there. All she would ever be was his little Princess. “Do you want me to have that necklace that bad?” she said with an awkward laugh. “I do love being spoiled, but this is more than enough. It's almost shameful!”

“I— I want to get you these things for you. I want to see the necklace on you. Will you give me what I want?”

“Not today. Not until I get a job so I can pay you back for some of this falderal.”

“Like I said, these are gifts. I've missed a lot and now I'm making up for it. At least I'm trying to if you'll let me.”

“You never missed sending us gifts and money. But that isn't what I wanted. I wanted you.”

John wrapped his arm around Sarah. “You have me.” He kissed her on the forehead. “You will have me forever and always. But you can have that locket too.” He grinned down at her.

“But not today, my darling brother. Let's go home now.” Sarah smiled back at him.

“As you wish. You can wear one of your new dresses to dinner this evening. Won't the eyes be popping then!”

“Where are we going?”

“It's just dinner at the boarding house, but they always make it a special occasion on Friday evenings. I can't wait to show you off. Everyone will be there.”

“Can't we just take our dinner in the room again tonight? I think I'd be too nervous to eat around all those strange people.”

“And miss this opportunity to wear one of those beautiful dresses? There's nothing to be nervous about. Everyone wants to meet you and they're all just as good as gold!”

“I suppose I have to meet them sooner or later.”

“That's my brave Princess! You'll be so glad when you do, they're all good people and I mean the best of the best.”

“Well now you have me looking forward to it, if you're sure there's none of those Tennessee Eastland type snobs here.”

“Nah, we don't put up with goodie-goodies.”

Sarah wasn't sure about how she should fix her hair. She'd never worn it in any style. She'd always just pinned it back from her face. But dressing up required something more, she knew that. She fussed with her hair trying to get it balled up like the maid's. She thought Tess's style looked just beautiful, but try as she might, she could not get her hair to fall in those lovely ringlets. She was disappointed with it but decided it looked better than her usual pinned-back style, this would have to do. She put on layer after layer of under things. The pantalets first, then first petticoat, then Tess laced up the corset, then more petticoats, then the bustle before topping all this with the lovely wine colored frock. She blushed as she thought about the woman in the shop showing her how to arrange them all in the right order. She looked in the mirror as the first dinner bell rang throughout the house. Right or wrong, this was it. Her time was up. She went down the stairs and stepped into the parlor full of people, but her eyes rested on John. He sat in front of the fireplace dressed in his dinner suit. Sarah noticed how dashing he was as he stood up looking at her. Then she sensed it again, the feeling she got from that strange man she'd seen in town and felt so drawn to. He was back, his eyes calling out to her, she could feel her cheeks flush and quickly looked away. Oh Sarah, you stupid girl, What's wrong with you? This is John! she scolded herself back into reality.

“My, my... you're a vision,” John exclaimed.

“My hair isn't right,” Sarah stuttered. “You look mighty handsome in that suit. I've never seen you in a suit before. You look so different.”

“Yeah, we both look fine, don't we? I have something for you.” He pulled the locket from his pocket and put it around her neck. “Now, let's go show off,” John said as dinner was announced.

“You shouldn't have!” she gasped as she opened the golden, oval shaped, treasure. There he had placed a small photograph of himself.

“There, now you'll have me with you always.” He held his arm out to her. Sarah wrapped her arm around his and in this moment she felt that his was the only arm she'd ever want to hold to. It felt so natural, so safe and warm. She wished this man was anyone but John as he led her to the dining room.

Everyone was seated around a long table. Tall silver candelabras were placed in a line down its middle with candles flickering in each one. Beautiful bowls of roses, babies’ breath and ferns were sitting in decorative sprays between each candelabra. The white tablecloth was scalloped with beautiful designs woven along its edges. China plates and crystal glasses gleamed in the candlelight. Sarah felt every eye in the room following her as she and John walked the entire length of the table and sat very close to the end. There were three other women at the table. The rest were men.

She looked at the women's hair. Theirs was nothing like hers or Tess's. Their hair was neatly swept up with tight pretty ringlets strategically placed on their heads. They were beautiful. The most captivating was a young negro woman about her age. Her almond shaped eyes followed Sarah. Suddenly, Sarah wanted to run from the room. She wasn't dressed right, she knew it! John had let her come to dinner looking like a fool! She felt every eye looking at every little wisp of flyaway hair that she had purposely pulled out of the bun to create the glamorous style of Tess, the maid! The most horrible fact to Sarah was that hers didn't even look as nice as Tess's.

Mortified, Sarah noticed the fixed stare of a red-haired man sitting across the table from them. His face boasted a large crooked nose and full puckered lips. His gleaming white teeth were a little bucked yet everything came together to fit his impish personality handsomely. She tried to ignore him by looking around at other things. She hoped beyond hope that he would look somewhere else, but alas, his bright hazel eyes were still fixed on her no matter what she did. She started to feel even more inept.

John took his seat beside Sarah. He began to introduce her to everyone. She just wanted to crawl under the table and disappear. She didn't care who any of them were! “This is my sister, Sarah. Sarah, these are all my friends... ” He went around the vast table calling their names— names that she would most likely forget as soon as she'd heard them. But as he called out the red haired man's name, she knew it would be burned into her mind from then on as he was still staring at her. “There is Amos Douglas Mahaffey, but we all call him Doug.” The man winked at her before she looked on to the next person.

“There is Tad.” John pointed toward the beautiful negro woman. That's Tad? Sarah felt the blood drain from her face as Tad smiled, but Sarah didn't smile back. She didn't know why, but she couldn't bring herself to smile at this girl who had taken her place for so many years. She didn't appreciate her and wanted her to know it. Sarah looked at her coldly.

After this grueling task was done, Sarah breathed a deep sigh of relief. The hard part was over. She'd met everyone. She'd smiled. She'd been proper... as proper as she could be with such a hair-do. Then the soup was brought out.

Dinner was a lively and festive occasion. The dining room was full of laughter and talking. Sarah was quiet through it all. She was wishing she wasn't so awkward, so obviously plain and simpleminded about this life... about style and about how to be a lady. Tad was so poised and witty. She knew exactly what to do and she knew how to make the others laugh as well. Sarah tried to copy the others and do what they did, but she felt every move she made was a bumbling mistake and clearly seen by everyone.

Especially this Doug fellow. How could he miss her blunders? He never took his blasted eyes off her! Maybe it was his stare that caused most of her ungraceful actions. He made her nervous and Tad made her angry. When the last course had ended, Sarah quietly thanked God that it was all over. She didn't think she'd be able to come back here again to face all these strange people. This had been a lesson in pure out-and-out torture!

As the men stood John whispered to Sarah. “I'm going to the parlor for a little while. Why don't you go with Mrs. Jenkins, Tad and Miss. Ruby? They are dying to get to know you better.”

“I don't feel much like it tonight. Maybe some other time.”

“Did something upset your stomach?”

“No, it's all the fuss and bustle of today. I just want to be quiet for a while.”

“If you don't go with them, they'll think you don't like them.”

“I don't even know them. How could I not like them already?” Sarah said, even though she knew she'd already formed her opinion of Tad.

“Well, do whatever you feel like, Sweetie. I'll be up after a little while.”

“I'll see you in the morning then. I'm going straight to bed when I go up.”

“Sweet dreams.” John smiled at her as he stood from the table.

The ladies were waiting in the foyer for Sarah. As she stepped from the room they surrounded her and all began talking at once.

“I'm Mrs. Jenkins,” said the tall slender one with the fat lips and olive complexion.

“I'm Miss. Ruby,” said the one with the round face and chubby red cheeks.

“I'm Tad,” said the one Sarah already knew she hated.

Each one of them was a vision of style and etiquette. Perfect hair, perfect manners, perfect smiles, perfectly dressed and wonderful personalities. Could she ever measure up?

“It's so wonderful having another woman in the place!” Miss Ruby said. “Now there's four of us. We're gaining on the men folk!”

“Yes, indeed, we're infiltrating now!” Mrs. Jenkins smiled. “Come on up to my room, dear. We play cards every night after dinner.”

“I'd like to, but... ” Before Sarah could excuse herself Miss Ruby pulled her closer to her.

“I don't want to hear any ‘buts’ from you. I know you felt out of place tonight. I know you want to run and hide. But I'm not going to let you do that. Neither is Tad nor Miss Jenkins.”

“You have no need to feel badly, my dear. We're all friends here.” Miss. Ruby smiled warmly.

“It was bad enough that I knew I hadn't gotten my hair and clothing right, but all through dinner that Mr. Mahaffey stared at me and made it even worse. I just wanted to go through the floor!” Sarah's emotions spilled out.

“You've never been flirted with? Have you been in a cave or something?” Mrs. Jenkins blurted. “Your hair wasn't a mess. Maybe it wasn't fixed same as ours, but it was still beautiful. And that man was flirting with you. Doug is a scandalous little fool with no tact! Don't let him bother you.”

“He's engaged to a girl in Washington yet he flirts like crazy! He's the biggest philanderer in town!” Miss. Ruby added.

“That's horrible!” Sarah soon found herself enjoying the ladies’ company and gossip.

“That he is, Dear! He courts girls like you'd sample boxed chocolates!” Miss. Ruby agreed.

“Yeah, he's been through the alphabet more than once, I daresay. But no one can stay angry with him. He's just got a way about him.” Mrs. Jenkins shook her head.

“How long has he been engaged?” Sarah asked. “And why wouldn't he stay true to her?”

“They plan the wedding, he finds a way of putting it off, and then they plan again. It's been this way for years,” Miss. Ruby explained.

“It always works for him too! He always manages to wiggle out of it and still hold Gracie's heart. He's just not husband material,” Mrs. Jenkins huffed.

They walked the whole time they were talking and sharing the tidbits of Doug's life. His loves. His flings. His broken promises. Soon Sarah found herself sitting in Mrs. Jenkins’ room. Although she was not sure how she got here, she didn't mind. She was enjoying herself far too much to care! Every new story they shared with her had an air of excitement and a perfectly thrilling secret. This was her first serious gossiping session and she found it absolutely fascinating!

“Gracie's daddy came after him with a gun when he stood her up at the altar that first time. But when he got to him, Doug just sweet talked his way out of it and they ended up going out for a beer together! Can you believe that?” Mrs. Jenkins’ eyes widened.

“I can't believe he left her at the altar and that they're still engaged, that's what I can't believe! Why did he ever ask her to marry him?” Sarah asked.

“It was forced by her family and his. She is wealthy and his folks are too. Their marriage was planned from the time they were in diapers. Money marries money, you know?” Miss Ruby piped in.

“I don't think it's because he doesn't love Gracie... he's just different. He knows this is what his parents want and even if he wanted to marry her he wouldn't. He wouldn't do it just to spite them,” said Mrs. Jenkins with a sharp nod of her head.

“But if he loved her, he wouldn't do her that way,” Sarah's voice rose. “No matter what!”

“That's true, but he's got more money than sense. I'm not sure that he loves anyone as much as he loves himself.” Mrs. Jenkins closed her eyes and lay her hand to her chest.

“That's it. He's just after fun and excitement. He's not ready to leave this life to be a husband and eventually a father", Miss Ruby added.

“Slow down, you two, he ain't all that bad. You're making him sound like a pure scoundrel. You know that she's his cousin too and that's why he won't marry her,” Tad informed them all.

“Well, he should break it off if he doesn't want her,” Sarah huffed. “He can't just leave her dangling forever!”

“He doesn't have sense enough to do that,” Miss. Ruby scoffed.

“Well, now that you know all the dirt on Mr. Mahaffey, what do you say we play a round of spite and malice?” Tad shuffled the cards.

“I've never played,” Sarah informed them.

“Never? Well, we'll show you how. It's very easy to learn,” Tad said as Mrs. Jenkins put another chair up to her card table for Sarah.

“I'll try. Sounds like fun anyway.”

They played and talked until late that evening. Sarah was disappointed when the clock struck ten. It was time to go. Sarah, Tad and Miss. Ruby got up from the table.

“Until tomorrow night, girls.” Mrs. Jenkins smiled.

“Until tomorrow,” they said.

“I had a wonderful time, Mrs. Jenkins. I'm looking forward to it,” Sarah smiled politely.

“So did we, dear. And you all have a good night.” Mrs. Jenkins closed the door behind them.

Sarah eased down the hallway toward her room. A light from under John's door shone into the hallway. She peeped into the room where he sat reading. He looked up as she entered and smiled. “I hate to tell you this, but I was almost certain they were going to get you.” He chuckled. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes, I had a wonderful time. Those ladies are so much fun to be around. They have an energy about them. An air of goodwill and happiness. I like them a lot.”

“Good, good. I knew you would if you'd only give them a chance.”

“They told me quite a bit about your friend, Mr. Mahaffey.”

“His ears must be burning tonight something fierce. He's a wild one.” John laughed.

“And quite the ladies’ man I hear.”

“Oh yes, that too. But don't you go falling in love with him.”

“Never! I'd never fall for someone as trifling as that! Besides there's that mop of ugly red hair on his stupid head!”

“Well, we'll see. I can tell plain as anyone that he has his sights set on you though.”

“Well, he needs to set his sights for his bride to be, or let her go.”

“Well, he's got to keep her in case he ever needs her.”

“What? Needs her? Needs her for what?”

“Well, if he ever wants to be married.”

“He's such a horrible man! I don't see how he has so many folks that love him and that are his friends.”

“If you ever talk with him, you'll know. He's something.”

“I can tell you what he is, he's a no good, fast talking— ”

“All right, Sarah, but remember... you've only heard of his bad qualities. Just wait until you meet the man and talk with him face to face. You'll see. You'll like him too.”

“Like him? Never!” Sarah sat beside John as they talked about the evening. The world was asleep now and it was just her and John sitting and quietly talking together. This was the time when he was all hers. She liked having his total attention, even if only for a short while before bed time. She looked at him, studying every part of his face. What was it about him that made her want to feel his arms around her? To have him all to herself? To wish to know him as a man and not as a brother? What would he say if he knew her scandalous thoughts?

With morning came more running around and people everywhere. Sarah and John had a quick breakfast before heading out into the world again. John said he wanted to show her everything: the park; the library; the city of Rochester. In the park children were running and playing; couples were walking hand in hand. Mothers strolled their babies while birds and squirrels darted about. Two playful squirrels scampered about in the leaves. They'd chase each other and tumble about before winding themselves up a tall oak tree. Sarah laughed at the way they seemed to box at one another. The birds sang. Flowers planted along the walk way were in full bloom. This was like a tiny paradise. As they walked along Sarah and John breathed in the fresh air.

“Not like home, huh?” John asked.

“It's so different it's scary.”

“Scary?”

“I'm scared that I might wake up to find this all a dream.”

“It's quite real. Just enjoy it all, my little Princess.”

Sarah didn't know why, but she'd began to resent that title more than anything, those words grated on her like sand paper. She didn't want to be his “little Princess"! Sometimes she felt like screaming out, I'm not your little Princess! Can't you see? I'm a woman! I'm a grown woman

On the other side of the little bridge they crossed next, they spied Doug on a bench with a young lady. When he saw them he smiled and leapt up. “I'll be back in a moment.” he told the woman, then hurried over to meet John and Sarah before they passed. “What brings ya two through here?” He smiled.

“Just showing Sarah around.”

“Well, Miss Sarah, how are ya likin’ Rochester thus far?”

“It's wonderful.” She politely smiled at Doug.

“Who's your lady friend over there? I don't recognize her. Is she a new one?” John asked.

“I don't know who she is. We're just talkin'.”

“Yeah, I know all about your kind of ‘just talking.’ Someone should warn that poor girl before she falls in love with your gallivanting hide!” John playfully teased.

“That just goes to show ya, girls fall in love far too easy.”

“I see, it has nothing to do with your smooth talk, right?”

“Hmm, who knows.” He tipped his hat. “Nice seein’ ya again, Miss Sarah. I hope you don't believe everything ya hear.” He winked at her. A silly grin seemed plastered on his face. “I'll see ya two tonight, at dinner.” He returned to the lady as John and Sarah walked on.

“That man.” Sarah shook her head. “If he were a woman he'd be tarred, feathered and run out of town on a rail!”

“He just enjoys the company of women. Truly, I don't believe he would compromise any of them.”

“He just gives me a weird feeling.”

“What do you mean?”

“The way he looks at me. It feels... I don't know. It gets on my nerves, it's right next to disrespect. A gentleman has never looked at me so.”

“He's not known for tact, just fun. He really likes you though, I can tell that as plain as daylight. He's holding off because you're my sister and he knows I'll knock him into next week if he tries to pull anything on you. He just can't help but try and flirt with you a little. It's in his blood.”

“He's a pure mess.” Sarah wrapped her arm around John's as they walked home. She closed her eyes and smelled the flowers that perfumed the air. The feel of John so close to her made her feel safe and loved. She smiled as her heart felt like it were going to burst from joy.

Night was beginning to wrap its soft gray blanket around the world. Sarah was most always excited about the coming of night. Was it because she and John would be alone together to relax and talk without interruption? Or, could it be because soon she and the ladies would get together for another one of these wonderful gossiping and card playing sessions? Maybe it could even be because back home, nighttime was when she use to curl up in her own room to shut out all the problems of the long day. She'd just dream and converse with nature and watch the stars shining through the dark, moonlit night. Where she and she alone could open herself toward this vast universe and feel it strengthening her, whispering its hope in her ears and washing away the tired day. When she could almost see and hear her Indian mother soothing her to sleep— soothing her the way Marion did the other children. Yes, her peaceful nights were filled with soft sweet imaginations.

After dinner and cards Sarah and John sat talking about home. Wondering what the folks were doing tonight. “Oh, they're in bed fast asleep by now.” Sarah looked at the clock on the wall as it drew closer to midnight. “They turn in with the chickens, you know. I'm completely another person here. I've never stayed up late. It's almost like I'm breaking all the rules.” She smiled.

“Well most of our work is done at night. Which reminds me; I'm going to have to start back soon.”

“I'd love to come see where you work. I've always wondered how the newspaper business worked.”

“Oh, it's a boring and dirty business. Ink everywhere and sitting at a desk editing other people's work for hours on end. You wouldn't like it, so no need in me taking you there. Besides, it's in a rough part of town.”

“Well, I suppose I need to be looking for a job anyway. Maybe I could work on getting my teaching certificate or something.”

“No need for all that. I make enough to take care of us and send some home.”

“I still want to help. I need to earn my keep to feel good about myself.” Sarah yawned. “I think I'm going to turn in now.”

“I wish you a sweet sleep, my Princess.”

Sarah squinted her eyes and huffed. “Thank you, I will” She got up to leave.

“Want me to walk with you?”

“No need, I know where my room is. And I'm not a baby.”

“I didn't say you were, I just wanted to see you off to bed.”

“If you want to.”

Chapter Fourteen

* * * *

An invitation came from Mr. Tyson. There was to be a charity ball held at his main house that coming weekend. Speakers such as Susan B. Anthony were said to be among the list of notables attending. John looked at Sarah as she sat across from him at the breakfast that morning. “We have to get you a ball gown,” he said.

“No! You've bought me too much already.”

“We can't fuss about this. You need a gown to go to this grand event.”

“Not if I don't go.”

“You have to go!”

“No I don't.”

“No, you don't have to go, but I know you want to and I know I want you to go as well.”

“But, John... ”

“No ‘buts’ this time. We're going shopping. If you don't come along, I'll just get it on my own like I did the necklace. I know what size you wear.”

“Then I'll go, but remember, this isn't a gift, it's a loan. I'm paying you back for it! Every cent. Deal?”

“Fine, it's a deal.”

Sarah asked Mrs. Jenkins and Miss. Ruby to come along to help her pick out a stylish gown. She wanted to surprise John. But she wouldn't ask Tad. She didn't want her there.

“This is my favorite activity.” Miss. Ruby smiled. “I do so love helping dress a beautiful girl.”

“I know how you love it, but I'm better at it.” Mrs. Jenkins laughed. “I'll have this girl looking like someone Cinderella would be envious of.”

“Well, I'll do her hair then. I can do that better than you can.”

“Then it's settled. I do the dress and you do the hair.”

Sarah settled for a gown of pink tulle with two skirts of double crepe strapped with purple satin ribbon. She adored the short, fan shaped sleeves. The gown was simple, yet outstanding with a few frills here and there, tight in the waist to show off her perfect figure.

Mrs. Ruby and Mrs. Jenkins were excited to introduce Sarah into society. Everything was going to be perfect! This was going to be one of the best nights of Sarah's life. She was going to shine. The ladies would make sure of that!

Sarah went to Miss Ruby's room to dress. Mrs. Jenkins was there too fussing over her own hair. Tad was dressing in her own room with Tess to help her.

Miss Ruby curled and pinned Sarah's hair until it was perfect. Roses were gathered from the gardens for her hair. In the back she wove in the small clump of rosebuds. Then Mrs. Jenkins helped her dress. She pulled the corset tight, making sure every slip and undergarment was in place and then they slipped the gown over Sarah's head. As the gown fell down around her, Sarah was facing the full length mirror. She was stunned, she'd never seen herself looking so grand. “I— I can't believe that's me!” she gasped. “That girl in the mirror is beautiful! That can't be me!”

“Believe it, sweetie! You are wonderful!” Mrs. Jenkins cupped Sarah's face in her gentle hands. “An angel on earth, that's what you are!”

“Thank you both so much for this! Thank you!”

Miss Ruby smiled. “You're most welcome, my dear. But it was mostly you that made our work a success.”

“Yes, without you it would have been just another hairdo and dress. You make it outstandingly beautiful!” Mrs. Jenkins nodded.

Sarah felt tears coming to her eyes.

“Now we mustn't have that.” Miss. Ruby warned, “You'll make your eyes all red and puffy!”

They heard a knock at the door. Miss Ruby opened it to reveal John in his evening clothes. He was so handsome and dashing Sarah's heart began to pound hard in her chest. What would tonight hold; was she ready for this? John was a part of a magical world she knew nothing about, but she desperately wanted to fit in.

John felt his heart drop when he saw Sarah. She radiated like a light in the dark. The dress, the hair, the face. All perfect. “Oh my Lord,” he gasped as all the air left his body.

“Do you like it?” Sarah smiled and turned about so that he could see the entire view.

“I— I'm totally speechless.” He looked at Sarah now, not as his little sister, but as a woman. He didn't even try to see the little girl she had been. That exercise had worked well over the past few months. Yet now, he didn't want to see her as anything but what she was right here, right now. This beautiful and desirable woman. His heart yearned to touch her, to hold her, to have her. His eyes were fixed on this vision of womanhood and beauty as he made his way toward her. He threw all caution to the four winds as he felt an odd pressure in his chest. He fully knew now what it felt like to be in love— completely overwhelmed and not caring who knew it, not caring if it was wrong or right, not caring about anything but the one who had taken total possession of his heart. He took her hand in his and gently kissed it. “You are beautiful.” He looked into her eyes.

Mrs. Jenkins seemed to look knowingly at Miss Ruby. John realized that they must have seen his expression and manner wasn't one of brotherly adoration.

“Well, let's get going.” Miss Ruby hastened them along.

John took control of his senses and held his arm up for Sarah. He led her downstairs with the two ladies following behind in somewhat of a victorious manner.

Then Tad came gliding down the stairs in a ball gown of light blue and white. Her hair was swept up in an elegant fashion with ringlets bouncing above her left shoulder. She was a vision. John left Sarah and held his hand up toward Tad. “You look exquisite.” He smiled at her.

“Thank you, sir.” She grinned.

“Look at my two lovely ladies.” John looked at them adoringly as they stood there, side by side.

“You look beautiful, Sarah.” Tad smiled.

“Thank you,” Sarah snapped.

As though noticing for the first time Sarah's hostilities toward Tad, Miss Ruby jumped to her defense with, “Why dear Tad... you are beautiful! That dress is outstanding!” The woman smiled kindly at her.

“And your hair... did you do it yourself?” Mrs. Jenkins asked her.

“Yes, Ma'am.” Tad beamed with pride.

“Well, let's get going. We don't want to be late. Can't have the carriage turning into a pumpkin on us!” John said as he opened the front door. The carriage sat at the end of the sidewalk ready to take them to the ball. John helped Tad in first then Sarah who he noticed made sure to sit on the opposite side of the carriage away from Tad. Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby climbed in and sat down with Sarah leaving John to sit with Tad. John looked out the window the whole way to Mr. Tyson's. He wanted to avoid showing any more of his true feelings for Sarah. As if anything he saw out there could have held his attention better than the woman sitting just across from him, just a few inches away.

As the carriage came to a stop, Sarah looked out to see the Tyson mansion. She thought it was magnificent. The gleaming white mansion was three stories high, with elaborate carvings over the doors and windows and great columns in front that made the boarding house columns look like sticks. “John, this is even bigger than the boarding house and I thought that was the biggest house I'd ever see.”

“Yes, it's a bit bigger. This is Mr. Tyson's main house and where all his big parties are held.”

“This is a real mansion. How I'd love it if Jennie and Betty could see this!”

“Maybe they can come someday,” John absentmindedly answered.

The carriage shook a bit as the driver climbed down from his seat. The door opened and he held out his hand to help the ladies out. A group of people standing near the entrance turned to stare at Sarah. “Who's that with Mr. DuVal?” one of the women whispered. The others stumbled around on their words trying to figure out who she was.

“Maybe he's finally found himself a lady friend. She certainly is lovely.”

As they went into the ballroom, Sarah noticed Doug Mahaffey standing near a wall, talking with a woman. He was smiling and flirting as big as anything. As he looked up and noticed her, his face went pale, whiter than it had ever been before. His gaze froze on her. For the first time he looked at her without a silly grin. He didn't even wink. As a matter-of-fact, he didn't do anything. It was as if he had turned to stone. Sarah smiled politely as she went on scanning the room.

“There's Mr. Tyson, Sarah.” John pointed to a tall slender man with salt and pepper hair. His face was handsome, even if he did look a bit gruff. He wore small spectacles near the end of his nose, looking a bit too small for his face. “Come, I want you to meet him.” John guided her through the crowd towards Mr. Tyson.

“Well, good evening, DuVal!” He exclaimed loudly. “Who's this lovely Miss you have on your arm?”

“This is Sarah, Sir.”

“So, this is the famous little sister we've heard so much about?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Mr. Tyson looked at Sarah. “She's not little anymore, is she? Quite grown up indeed.” He took Sarah's hand and kissed it. “He's told us all about you so many times, I feel like I already know you... although I don't remember him describing anyone with the looks of an angel.” He smiled warmly.

“Thank you, Mr. Tyson, sir.” Sarah smiled shyly. She soon found him to be a man of charm and a gentleman. A learned man of books, wisdom and compassion.

The evening was a whirl of excitement with seemingly hundreds of people wanting a chance to meet this young Miss Sarah DuVal. Finally, Sarah made her way out of the mob and into the hallway. Just as she was letting out a sigh of relief she heard a voice behind her.

“Havin’ a good time, Miss DuVal?”

She turned to see Doug. He was smiling at her as a gentleman ought. She couldn't help but notice how pleasant his smile really was without that aggravating wink of his. “Yes, I am, Mr. Mahaffey. I just needed a break. Everything and everyone is just wonderful, but a little overwhelming for me.”

“So, this is ya first big event? And by the way, ya can call me Doug.”

“I barely know you, Sir.”

“I'm yer brother's best friend... and this is the first steps to gettin’ to know me better.”

“I'd prefer to keep things as they are.”

“Does that mean ya don't want to get to know me better?”

“I'd rather keep our relationship a formal one, thank you just the same.”

“I can see ya already know quite a bit about me... quite a bit. I also can see ya won't give me a chance based on the gossip you've heard. Not the kind of person I took ya for at all.”

“I don't listen to idle gossip, I am basing my opinions on what I've seen of you.”

“And what exactly have ya ‘seen'?”

“The way you look at me borders on disrespect. Every time I've seen you outside the house you've been with a different woman, and unless Miss Ruby and Mrs. Jenkins are liars, you are engaged. Out of respect for your fiancee I don't believe we need to get to know each other too informally, sir.”

“So, I shouldn't have friends if I am engaged? Ya give yourself airs, Miss DuVal. I didn't ask for a love affair with ya, just a friendship. Now, if ya will excuse me, madam,” he said making a deep bow, “have a wonderful evenin'.” He strode back toward the ballroom.

Sarah's face burned red from the bluntness of Doug's comments. She actually felt bad about treating him that way. But why should she feel sorry about keeping a man like that away from her? Why should she tolerate a man who would dangle a woman while he ran after countless others? But still, he acted so, so... human tonight. So much like a man that was thoughtful and kind. He was flirting when we walked in tonight, Sarah... don't forget that! But the ice had begun to chip.

Sarah heard music filling the ballroom. She walked back to the entrance and saw John dancing with Tad. They looked so graceful together, gliding around the dance floor with little effort as if they weren't even thinking about what they were doing, like it was just natural and something that everyone should know. John had taught Sarah a bit when they were getting ready for tonight, but never had they glided like this. If only that were she floating so freely in his arms, she felt they could both dance into the clouds.

“May I have this dance, Miss?” A voice intruded into her dream. She saw a tall man with jet black hair and a thin mustache. “I'm Mr. Atkins.” He clicked his heels as he bowed to her. He was so well groomed and articulate. Suddenly Sarah felt very inferior.

“I don't really know how to dance, not very well.”

“But you do know a little?”

“A very little.” Sarah wanted so badly to dance.

“Everyone has to start somewhere, care to try?”

“Well, let's try it then!” Sarah smiled. She placed her hand in his.

“I lead... All right?”

“I know that part. It's about the only part I do know,” she laughed. He led her around the dance floor. A few stumbles and near collisions later, she felt herself gliding. “This can't be real!” She was amazed at the feeling.

“You're doing wonderfully!”

“But you're doing better.” She smiled. Soon, another man came to dance with her, then another, but none of them were John. Sarah noticed him laughing and talking with Tad by the refreshment table. He wouldn't even look her way. Was he ignoring her? Sarah walked toward them. “Having a good time?” She looked at John.

“Yes, fine, how about you?”

“It's wonderful.” Sarah wondered if he were going to ask her to dance. “That Mr. Atkins helped me learn to dance better... it's grand.”

“Yeah, I saw you. You're doing so well I didn't know who you were out there.”

“Really? Well, thank you.” She took a drink of punch and coyly smiled at him. “I wouldn't step on your feet if you danced with me now, would I?” She hoped he'd pick up on her hint and ask her to dance. The band started playing a new tune. “Oh, that sounds lovely!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Yeah, come on, Tad... this is our favorite!” He took the girl's arm and let her to the dance floor leaving Sarah standing by the refreshment table. She looked down as she began to cry then quickly swiped away the tear. I must really look like a fool! Someone to be ashamed of! She noticed Doug walking toward her and quickly composed herself.

“Would asking ya to dance be too ‘informal’ for our relationship, Miss DuVal?” He smiled at her.

She returned his smile, glad to see him, glad he'd asked her to dance. “No, Mr. Mahaffey, I don't suppose it would be,” she boldly answered. He held his hand out, she took it and he whisked her onto the dance floor. She noticed John looking at them with a worried expression on his face. His jaw was clenched and nostrils flaring. She looked around her to see if something were wrong but everything seemed fine. Doug placed his hand on her waist. Sarah looked into his eyes and she saw something more than she thought she'd see from such a man. She saw a kindness, an unexpected warmth in him that she liked. She smiled at him. “I hope I don't step on your toes. I'm very new at this.”

“I doubt I'd even know it if ya did. The way ya look tonight, ya could stomp me into the ground and I wouldn't even notice it.” He smiled back at her.

She blushed. “You know this is my very first formal dance and I very well could end up dancing on your toes instead of the floor.”

“Yes, I saw ya and Mr. Atkins stumblin’ across the dance floor. But ya catch on really quick. Yer a natural. I'm not afraid of those sweet little feet of yer's.”

“Mr. Mahaffey, I'd like to apologize for being rude to you earlier. I really had no right to say those things. It's just that in the past, the way you looked at me, made me feel degraded. I didn't want to be one of your conquests. If you're offering me your friendship I'll take it, Doug.” She smiled at him.

“I'm sorry I ever made ya feel uncomfortable. I can see where ya might get the ideas ya had. I am terrible and I do like to flirt, but believe me, that is all. But yerself, I just couldn't keep my eyes off ya. I wanted to look at you and I wanted you to notice me.”

“You are terrible!” Sarah laughed gaily.

“Well, how many other men that stay at the boarding house do ya recognize here tonight?”

“I hadn't thought about it. Really, you and John are the only ones I can think of.”

“See, my strategy works for me.” He grinned down at her. “My, but yer an exquisite creature! There's such a fine air of perfection about you that just takes my breath away.”

“Thank you.” Sarah's cheeks blushed as he whorled about the dance floor. She absorbed this man's every word like a sponge. She felt beautiful in his arms. John had often called her a princess, but tonight, the charm of this dashing man made her feel like one. She actually liked Doug, just as John said she would! She hoped his words were meant for her alone and weren't simply those he used on all his conquests.

Sarah noticed John coming towards them. Someone had stepped in on him and Tad. He tapped Doug on the shoulder.

“May I dance with my sister?”

“Of course, my good man.” Doug thanked Sarah for the short dance as he bowed to her and walked away.

John took Sarah in his arms and began to waltz across the floor. “Whatever made you dance with him?”

“He asked me to.” Her reply was short and curt.

“I thought you didn't like him.”

“I didn't. I just wanted to dance and since you were dancing with Tad, I thought he'd be just as good as anyone else. But you know, he is rather nice. I do think I like him. He's quite the gentleman.”

“And how did you come to that revelation in such a short time, my fickle girl?”

“Oh John, it's his eyes. There's something in them. I see a kindness. A realness. A warmth that I like. And the way he talks, it's so pleasant. Not Irish exactly.”

“Yes, he's been here so long he can't figure out whether he's Irish or American. His accent was really thick when he first got here.” John chuckled then he stared into Sarah's eyes. “Watch yourself. You'll be swept off your feet, too, just like his other lady friends.”

“Well, it wasn't Doug that I wanted to dance with in the first place. I've wanted to dance with you all night.” As the room whirled around them their eyes were fixed on each other. Nothing existed out there but them. For a few brief minutes, Sarah and John were dancing freely as if through the clouds of Heaven itself. She couldn't believe that she was finally in his arms dancing like this. It was wonderful. When the music stopped, John didn't turn her loose. They stood there, gazing into each other's eyes. Both were frozen in place, then John slowly backed away and bowed to Sarah. “Thank you for the dance, young lady.” He smiled. “Care for a refreshment?”

“Yes, please.”

As they neared the refreshment table Doug cut through the crowd to meet them. “Not too tired out, I hope?” Doug looked at Sarah.

“Oh, no! Just needed a drink.”

“Good, then may I have yer next dance?” Just as Sarah smiled to say yes, John interrupted her.

“I think she's had quite enough dancing for the night.”

She frowned. “But, John... I'm not even tired.”

“We'll talk to you later, Doug.” John pulled Sarah towards the hallway and out the door.

When they got outside, Sarah pulled her arm free from his grip. “Just what was that all about?”

“I don't want you getting too friendly with him.”

In stunned disbelief, Sarah looked at him. “I don't understand you! First you tell me what a great person he is, and now you act like this. What has gotten into you tonight?”

“He isn't someone you should become too friendly with.”

“Fine enough. But, I hope you know, partly because of you I've already led him to believe that I would be friendly with him. What am I to do now?”

“Just steer clear of him.”

“You know him better than I do. I'll trust your judgment and steer clear.”

“Thank you.” John breathed deeply. He felt a bit guilty about undercutting Doug, yet he knew in his heart that Doug wouldn't dare approach the sister of his best friend unless he was serious about her. That must mean that he truly cared for Sarah. What if they did fall in love? John couldn't stand the thought of that! Not now that he himself was in love with her! What should be done with this love that he was too shy to reveal? Could he follow her around and discourage any possible beaus? He'd never been comfortable with ladies. Love had never entered his mind; besides, he'd always been too busy. “Why don't you sit down out here while I go in and get you that drink?”

“I'll be here,” Sarah replied, taking a seat in one of the wicker chairs on the giant front porch. The lively music was filling the house and overflowing into the yard.

Doug made his way over to John as soon as he stepped inside. “What was that all about with yer sister? I just asked her to dance.”

“She was overdoing it. She needed some rest.”

“She will be back then?”

“I doubt it. Now if you'll excuse me, she needs a drink.” John left Doug standing staring after him.

Suddenly the music stopped and Mr. Tyson was standing before the room. “Ladies and gentlemen. If I might have your attention, please!” he announced. “I'd like to thank you all for coming out for such a worthy cause. Because of the generosity of people like you, we have collected over two thousand dollars in goods and money tonight for the anti-slavery cause!” The people cheered. “Now, I am going to push it even farther. I am going to match what we've raised here tonight!” Everyone gasped then erupted in cheers and applause. “And the person to entrust this to, the one who will see that it makes it into the right hands, and is used the right way, is the lady here... Mrs. Susan Anthony!” He held his hand out to a dark haired woman to help her step forward as the people clapped and cheered.

“Thank you. Thank you all.” She stood before the crowd. “And thank you, Mr. Tyson for hosting this event... ”

“It's a beautiful night, isn't it?”

Sarah turned and was shocked to see Doug standing there. “Very nice. Where's John?” She quickly stood.

“He's inside listening to Mrs. Anthony.”

“Maybe I should go in too.” She walked past him.

“Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine.”

“Is John mad at me?”

“I— I don't think so.” Sarah stumbled on her words.

“He's acting awfully odd tonight.”

“Whatever problems you two have are none of my business. I'd better get back in there.” She hurried in to where John was. He handed her a glass of punch as she stood beside him listening to the woman speak. Then a distinguished-looking black man came forward.

“That's Mr. Douglas.” John whispered to Sarah.

“Mr. Fredric Douglas, the runaway slave?” she gasped.

“Yes, he's a wonderful speaker! Listen to him.”

“... Right is of no sex— Truth is of no color— God is the Father of us all, and we are all Brethren.” The man's deep voice resonated and the crowd cheered him.

This was a window into John's world. It was exciting, yet fearful!

“We must unite to gain true liberty and we must be prepared for a hard struggle. We will have to pay a heavy price to win our freedom. We must do this by labor, by suffering, by sacrifice, and if needs be, by our lives and the lives of others.”

Sarah trembled as she reached out to grasp hold of John's hand. The tears in her eyes blurred her vision. Suddenly she felt an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. She took a sip of her punch and breathed deeply. She felt weak from the excitement and the fear. This was history in the making, a great movement was growing in America and she was proud to be a part of it yet afraid of what would have to be sacrificed. She knew, being from the South, what would have to happen to gain this liberty Mr. Douglas spoke of.

After the speeches, the music resumed and the people whirled around the dance floor again. But Sarah and John eased from the room.

“I think we've been here long enough. I'm going to find the ladies and see if they're ready to leave as well,” He told her.

“Very well,” Sarah agreed even though she wasn't really ready for the night to end. But then again, it would feel nice to get out of this sadistic corset!

All during the ride home Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby chattered over all the latest gossip. Sarah, John and Tad were quiet, lost in their own thoughts.

“Did you see Mr. Blair's daughter running after Mr. Smith's son?”

“It's the money. Mr. Blair has none so he's primed Samantha to go after money, not love.”

Sarah looked at John and smiled. He turned to look out the window. Was he mad at her? She reviewed the evening over and over in her head to find what she'd done wrong. Surely he wasn't mad about her dancing with Doug. Was he? Was he ashamed of her? Maybe he was mad because she had danced with anyone. Maybe he didn't want her talking to his wealthy friends and letting them see that she was nothing but a poor girl from the Tennessee mountains! Had she shamed him? Sarah's thoughts raced. Finally they were pulling up at the boarding house.

As they entered, John started towards the parlor. “Aren't you tired?” Sarah asked him.

“I'm going to the parlor for a bit.”

“Want me to sit with you a while?”

“No, you need to get on to bed. I'll see you in the morning, good night.”

“'Night, John.” Sarah slowly made her way up the stairs, with Mrs. Jenkins, Tad and Miss Ruby trailing behind her.

“Sarah, dear, won't you come to my room for a toddy?” Mrs. Jenkins asked.

“Thank you, but I'm much too tired tonight, some other time, perhaps. Good night, ladies.” Sarah smiled.

As she undid her corset it felt wonderful to be able to completely fill her lungs with air again. She put her gown on and sunk down into her soft bed. She soon found herself in the world of dreams. In it, the sky was blue and the sun was shining. She and John were dancing over a green field. He picked a dainty white flower, and stuck it in her hair. Then he took her in his arms and held her close. Sarah lay her head on his chest and she felt his lips gently kiss her forehead. Then John was gone. She saw him walking away from her as dark clouds covered the sun. She began to weep. She saw one of her tears, like crystal, fall to the ground as if in slow motion. As it hit the earth a flower sprang up. She ran to catch up with John as the rain started to fall. The flowers began to spring up and cover the ground. No matter how fast she ran, she could not catch John. But her tears, along with this driving rain, soon had the world covered in these beautiful white flowers.

Chapter Fifteen

* * * *

The sun poured through the windows, Sarah opened her eyes and rubbed her face. She yawned as she raised up in bed and thought about her dream. She quickly got up and dressed. Had her dream been a sign? Her heart beat hard against her chest, so hard in fact, she could feel it in her ears. She ran down to John's room, looked in, and saw that he was gone. She ran down the hall to Mrs. Jenkins’ room.

“Whatever is the matter dear? You look like you've seen a ghost!”

“John, he's not in his room. Have you seen him?”

“I've just woke up myself. I'm not even dressed.”

“I have to find him.” Sarah rushed away. She ran to Mrs. Ruby's but she was asleep when Sarah knocked and hadn't seen anyone. She asked Tad, but she hadn't seen him either. Had he stayed in the parlor all night? Sarah rushed down the stairs. She burst through the doors to find John curled up on one of the sofas. Her heart dropped and she felt herself began to tremble all over with relief. She breathed deeply before she punched him awake.

“What is it?” He looked confused.

“What are you doing down here?”

“I must have fallen asleep.”

“I was worried sick! This isn't like you!”

“Where I sleep is my business,” he snapped.

Sarah knew it now, he was angry... but about what she didn't know.

“What is wrong? Did I do something?” Her lips began to quiver.

“No, no... I'm just tired.” He took her hand. “I think I had too much to drink last night and I have a bit of a hangover. I'm a grouch on mornings like this. It isn't your fault.”

“I had a dream that you left me here. When I couldn't find you I was scared.”

“I'm not leaving you. I'd never do that.” He stood from the couch and hugged her. “Don't be upset. I know... why don't we go out for breakfast this morning?”

“Do you feel up to it?”

“Sure, just let me go change.”

After the ball, the house had a constant stream of men coming around to pay Miss DuVal a visit or to offer to take her on a buggy ride. Or to see if she might go for a walk with them. Sarah went to the door one day to find the gentleman who'd helped her on her first dance. Mr. Atkins looked at her, smiling with his full lipped mouth and big brown eyes. The tonic glistened in his jet black hair as the sun danced over it. Just under his aristocratic nose was a thin mustache.

“Care to go for a ride, my lady?” He tipped his hat.

She really didn't want to go, but he'd been so kind to her that night she didn't want to say no. For the first time, she accepted such an offer. They drove down East Avenue to where it met with Main Street. Tall buildings stretched upward toward the sky. No matter how many times she saw them, it shocked Sarah to see buildings so high.

“It's so hard to believe that I'm here sometimes.” She smiled.

“And where are you from again?”

“Tennessee. Don't you know my brother?”

“Not really. I knew he was from the South, but I didn't know where. So, did your family own slaves?”

“No, not really.”

“Not really? What does that mean?”

“My folks bought slaves but we set them all free. As soon as they'd built the money back up, they'd buy more and set them free. It got us into some trouble back home, I'm telling you.”

“I can imagine. So, you are truly here for the cause?”

“What?”

“The cause, you know. You believe in ending slavery.”

“Oh, that. Yes, I do.”

“It's hard to trust Southerners. Never know who's on your side for sure.”

“I can assure you, no one in my family is on the slave-holder's side.”

“That's good.” He smiled.

“Look at those buildings.” Sarah pointed to the tall stately buildings that towered overhead.

“They've just been built.” Mr. Atkins told her. “When the floods came a couple of years ago, the bridge and all of the buildings here on the north side of Main were washed away along with the stone piers.”

“That's terrible!”

“Would you believe you're riding over water now?” Sarah looked around at the buildings and the street.

“No.”

“We're driving over the new bridge now.”

“You're teasing me?”

“No,” he smiled. “Have you seen The Upper Falls yet?”

“Oh yes. Truly beautiful.”

“I heard that someone was going to try and walk over The Upper Falls tomorrow.”

“Oh my... that's crazy!”

“He's going to walk it on a tight rope. It's said to be quite a spectacle. Would you like to come with me to see it tomorrow?”

“Yes, that would be wonderful,” she eagerly accepted before she could stop herself. She wanted to see the show so badly she hadn't thought that he was trying to make a date with her. She could have bit her tongue for saying yes to him. Even though she couldn't deny that she was having a very enjoyable time with this Mr. Atkins, and that he had a generous helping of good looks, she just didn't see anything in him. She'd rather be spending the day with John, but John never had time for her now.

John came home from work that evening to find Sarah gone. So he wandered down towards Mrs. Jenkins’ room. “Hey, is Sarah here?”

“No, she went out riding with Mr. Adkins.” She smiled slyly.

John's nostrils flared as he clutched his jaw. “When did they leave?”

“Around noon. Right after lunch.”

“But it's after four now.”

“Yes, they must be having a grand time.” She smiled again. She seemed to rather enjoy telling him this.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins.” John walked away. He knew Sarah wasn't doing anything wrong, but he was angry anyway. What was wrong with him? Why should she not go for rides with men, especially since he'd never divulged his feelings for her, it was perfectly honorable. But he couldn't help feeling cheated. Just as he settled himself in his chair to stew over the matter, he heard them driving up. He watched as Mr. Adkins helped Sarah from the carriage. “Thank you for a wonderful afternoon, Mr. Adkins.” John heard her say.

“You're most welcome, Miss DuVal. I'm looking forward to tomorrow.”

John became furious. Tomorrow? What did he mean tomorrow? Surely she's not serious about him!

“Yes.” Sarah smiled. “See you then.” He watched as she pulled her hand from his and walked toward the house. So, she is going to see him again! He felt his heart drop.

“Have a nice ride?” John questioned her as she walked through the door.

“It was all right, I guess.” Sarah replied carelessly as she took her bonnet off.

John had made up his mind not to overreact. Not to show bitterness. It was hard. “You guess it was all right?”

“Well, it was better than sitting in here all day.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Well, we'd better get ready for dinner,” Sarah finally said.

“You go on. I'm eating dinner in my room tonight.”

“Oh, then I will too.”

“Don't let me stop you. You go on.”

“I'd rather spend some time with you.”

“No, there's a world of people out there and it's bigger than me. You need to go see it.” John Smirked.

Sarah felt the coldness of his remarks. She also felt the bitterness and it cut her to the core. “Fine. If that's what you wish. Good night.”

Sarah dressed and went down to the dining room alone. She sat between Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby. Tad smiled warmly at her but she looked away. Sarah didn't like herself much when she treated Tad this way, but she couldn't help herself. Tad was so beautiful, so proper and stylish, and she had been with John learning all these things while she, Sarah, suffered with Nathan. For the first time in her life, Sarah felt what it was like to hate someone out of pure spite. The green eyed monster would rear its ugly head every time Tad was near or even mentioned in conversation.

After dinner Tad sat down in the parlor and played the piano. Mr. Tyson had made sure she had every privilege of a well brought-up young lady. She was very learned in books, manners and style.

“Doesn't she play beautifully?” Mrs. Jenkins smiled at Sarah.

“Yes, she's quite accomplished.” Is there anything she can't do? Sarah rolled her eyes. She got up and went to her room tired and cross. She'd had to sit there for almost an hour while Tad performed for everyone. Her cheeks hurt from the fake smile she'd plastered on her face. She couldn't wait to be alone.

“Sarah.” She heard the soft voice of Tad behind her.

“Yes?” She turned.

“Can I talk with you a while?”

“I'm very tired... can it wait until morning?”

“I've just got up the nerve to say something and I'd like to say it now if you'll please hear me out.”

“Very well, then.” They went into Sarah's room to talk. “Have a seat.” Sarah pulled out a chair. Tad sat down and looked into Sarah eyes. Tad's glare made her uncomfortable.

“Why don't you like me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know you don't like me and I want to know why,” Tad demanded.

“Why do you need a reason?”

“Because I haven't done anything to you and you treat me like second skimmings. What have I done to you?”

“Does it always bother you this badly when folks don't like you? Haven't you ever been disliked?”

“Yes I have... but you're John's sister and he means a lot to me. I was hoping we could be friends.”

“That isn't possible.”

“Why? Because I'm Negro?”

“No... what a silly thing for you to say to me.”

“I can't think of anything I've done that was so awful except that you must hate Negro people. Am I stepping out of my place? I suppose you think I should be serving you dinner instead of eating it at the same table as you. Is that it?”

“You stop labeling me as something I'm not!” Sarah's temper flared.

“Well you tell me what's wrong or that label is going to stick!”

“You want to know what's wrong? Well, I'll tell you what's wrong. While you've sat up here being taught the piano and being loved by my brother, I was being beat and kicked around. While I longed to just see John for even a second you had him for years. I hate you! I hate that you took my place while I was suffering. I hate that he lavished the love on you that should have been mine! Should I go on or is this enough for you? No, I don't hate you because you're Negro... I hate you because you had what was mine!” Sarah angrily slapped herself on the chest. “You took John!”

“It's not my fault that your family was torn apart. It's not my fault that John had to stay away. You don't understand anything. You think you're the only one who's been hurt and abused? Oh no... you're not the only one. I found a little joy, yes but it's not up to you to begrudge me that.”

“Please just leave... I'm tired. Believe it or not, everyone doesn't have to like you.”

“I'm sorry you feel this way... we could have been great friends.”

“Whatever you say. Have a good night.” Sarah stomped to the door and held it open. Tad left and Sarah sat alone for a while. John's distance toward her nagged at her. Maybe I should go say goodnight to him. She started out her door when she saw candle light at the far end of the hall. She crouched back into her doorway. Tad passed by carrying a tray of some sort. What was she up to tipping around at night? What was the tray for? Sarah decided to follow and watch. Tad walked downstairs quietly. The candle which sat on the tray let Sarah clearly see the contents, bandages and alcohol among other first aid essentials. What was she doing with all that? Was someone hurt? Sarah quietly tiptoed down the dark stairs, when suddenly the door to the parlor opened and Doug stepped out. “Where are ya off to at this hour of the night?” He gave her a puzzled look.

“I was just wondering where Tad was going. I saw her pass with bandages and such. Is someone hurt?”

“No. Everything is fine. I guess she's merely puttin’ it away. Here, it's dark on these stairs. I'll walk ya back to your room.”

“Thank you, but I can make it fine. Good night.” She quickly made her way back to her room.

Sarah put on her thinnest night dress. The night was so warm she threw all the covers back from the bed, leaving only the sheet. No matter how hot it was, she had to have some sort of cover over her. It gave her a sense of security. She drifted off to sleep still wondering why Tad would wait until the middle of the night to put away anything.

By the next morning John seemed in better spirits and they went out to have breakfast together at the little Cafe down the road before he went off to work. Here they could talk without dozens of ears listening to their every word.

“So, you have anything planned for this afternoon?” he asked her.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“Really? What?”

“Mr. Atkins is taking me to see some man walking across The Upper Falls on a tightrope.”

“Another date with Mr. Atkins?” John sneered before taking a drink of coffee. “You two are becoming close, huh?” he coughed.

“No. I really wish I could get out of it, but I said yes before I even thought about it. I wanted to see the man walk the falls, but I really don't want Mr. Atkins coming around anymore.”

“You should tell him so, then.”

“Oh well, he's an enjoyable companion, anyway. I won't let it get out of hand.”

“I hope not.” John clipped the words. “Well, I'll see you this afternoon.” He stood quickly.

“Fine.” Sarah felt the distance forming between them more and more every day. What was she doing wrong? She loved John so, and to feel this wall growing between them made her heart ache. She didn't know what to say or do. She thought that living here would bring them closer together, but it seemed to be tearing them apart. She couldn't get it out of her mind that he was ashamed of her. Had she done something very wrong? She was just not wise in the ways of etiquette like Tad was. She knew the first night at dinner she'd made a fool of herself when John said he wanted to show her off. Show off what? An ignorant girl from Tennessee? Or maybe he just felt she was inferior because she was an Indian. Maybe that's why he'd refused to bring her before. The more she felt him pulling away, the more it made sense to her what Nathan had said..."He just feels like he has to be nice to you. I don't!”

Sarah didn't feel much like going anywhere when Mr. Atkins came around to take her to The Upper Falls show. But she'd promised and she did want to see it. Maybe it would make her feel better to get out.

John could think of nothing all day but Sarah and Mr. Atkins. The more he thought of them the more he could think of nothing else. He slipped out of work and went to the falls. A rope was rigged from one side to the other while crowds of onlookers waited for the show to start. John looked for Sarah. He didn't see her anywhere. He walked around looking at every face. Finally, he recognized her bonnet and then saw Mr. Atkins standing there beside her. He saw him bend over talking in her ear as he pointed up toward the falls to where the man was climbing the pole. As the daredevil began walking the rope John noticed Sarah grab Mr. Atkins’ arm and hold onto him. The man smiled and coiled his long, lanky, arm around her. John's blood boiled as he pushed through the crowd toward them. The onlookers gasped loudly when the man began to totter on the rope almost losing his footing. Sarah, fearing that she was going to see him fall to his death, buried her face in Mr. Atkins’ chest. To John's jealous eyes came a vision of Sarah and Mr. Atkins in what he saw as a passionate embrace. This would never do! John could not let this continue, he had to make it stop! He could not bear it! He charged toward them and grabbed Sarah from the man's arms.

“Come home now,” he demanded. His nostrils flared and his anger soared.

“John!” She looked shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm taking you home!”

“Home? Oh, no! I want to see! Don't you want to see if he makes it across?”

“No! This is a revolting show... if he does fall you don't need to see it.”

Mr. Atkins looked shocked, but he said nothing. John pulled her through the crowd towards his buggy.

“John, everyone wants to see this. There's little children out there watching. Why can't I? You're being foolish. What's the real problem here?”

“I don't want you entertaining that man anymore. To think you didn't have any better sense than to let him put his arm around you! He should have known better even if you didn't!”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

John pushed her into the buggy and got in beside her. His jaw was clenched.

Sarah looked down at the road as they drove. “What is wrong with what I did?” She wiped away a tear.

John knew there was nothing wrong with it, but he couldn't tell her how he felt. “Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, it was Mr. Atkins.”

“Then why are you so angry with me?”

“I'm not angry with you,” he clipped off the words as he drove, yet never taking his eyes off the road to look at her. “You shouldn't get too friendly with him.”

“Why? Is he a horrible man? When I told you about this at breakfast you didn't say anything. Why didn't you tell me about him then?”

“I have my reasons. Just be quiet now.”

Sarah crossed her arms and didn't say another thing. When they got to the house, John dropped her off. “I've got to get back to work now. See you tonight.” Sarah didn't say anything. She just nodded her head and went into the house.

Sarah slammed the door and rushed past the parlor where Doug sat reading the paper, then hurried up the staircase and into her room, where she threw herself down on her bed and cried. This was turning into a nightmare! She wished she'd never come here. At least at home she could imagine that John loved and cared for her. Here his anger and bitterness was too plain. John was nothing like the idol she'd imagined all these years. Through her cries she heard three light taps on her door. “Who's there?” she called.

“It's Doug.”

Sarah went to her mirror to see how bad she looked. Her face was puffy. Her eyes, red and swollen. “Just a minute.” She called back as she tried to make herself look presentable. “Hello there.” Sarah smiled at Doug. “What brings you around this evening?”

“I just thought I'd check on ya. Have ya been crying? Did that Atkins do somethin’ to ya?”

“No. I'm fine.”

“Ya have been crying. What's happened?” Doug stepped closer to Sarah. “What did he do to ya?”

“It's John. He got mad and came to the falls and just grabbed me and brought me home.” She cried. “He hates me!”

Doug wrapped her in his arms. “Shush, there. John doesn't hate ya, that I know for sure. Whatever he did today he thought it was best for ya. There, there. Don't cry anymore. He pulled her closer.” Sarah felt Doug's lips on her forehead and she pushed away from him.

“W— what are you doing?”

“I'm sorry.” He looked stunned. “I— I didn't mean to offend ya. I don't know what came over me!”

“Thank you for your concern, but I think you'd better leave now.”

“I understand. I'm truly sorry.” He left. Sarah sat down on her bed and waited for John. That evening when he got home, she went to his room. She was going to have it out once and for all! If he really was ashamed of her, if she was causing him trouble, then she could go elsewhere! There were jobs to be had, she was sure. “John, we need to talk.” From the severity on her face he must have known that he had gone too far today. The scene at the falls was the last straw. His anger was too much for her.

“Yes, we do. This needs to be talked out.” He stepped aside to let her enter.

“What's wrong with me, John? Am I not good enough for you and your friends? I feel like no matter what I do lately, it's wrong. You tell me these people are good, yet when I try to get to know them you tell me I'm not to get too friendly! What is that all about? What are you afraid of? Afraid that I'll embarrass you? Is it as Nathan says, you just feel like you have to be nice to me but really you can't stand my sight? Are you afraid that my ‘savage’ ways will show and all your wonderful, uppity friends will see what I am? That's it, isn't it? You're ashamed of me! I've tried, John! God knows I've tried! I've tried to be someone you could be proud of, but I've turned out to be nothing but a thorn in your side and a sore disgrace to you. I'm tired, you know that? I just don't care anymore! I know now that all I'll ever be to any of you DuVals is a sorry ‘Injun foundling! John, why have you been acting like this?”

“I don't know why I do what I do. I'm such a fool!” He held her tighter. “You mean more to me than my next breath. Forgive me, please!”

Sarah felt the comfort in his embrace as it soothed her wounded feelings. The power he had over her emotions was unnerving. A simple smile from him made her entire world full, bright and peaceful, yet his frown could send her crashing into the most painful depths of despair.

At the mansion, Mr. Tyson sat at his desk with his small spectacles perched at the end of his nose. As a servant admitted John, he looked over their rims at him. “Good evening, DuVal. What brings you out here at this time of the evening? Nothing serious I hope!”

“No, no... nothing serious, Mr. Tyson, I just needed to get away for a while. To clear my head. I'd like to go on the road again. You have anything for me right now?”

“But you told me that with your sister here you didn't want to leave her alone in the city. What's changed your mind about it now? What will she do?”

“Oh, she'll be fine. In all honesty, it's mostly her that I need to be away from for a while. I'm sure Doug will see to her while I'm gone.”

“Hmm, got in a tiff, did you? Well, the cause does need you. Especially now that there's a lot of talk spreading all over the country, talk of a civil war, that is. The Southerners are itching to rebel and form a nation of their own. The Southern States of America. Can you believe that?”

“I know all about the talk, I've just been occupied with other things. But I would like to get back on the road for a while and the sooner the better. I need to clear my head about a few things and I need to be away from here to do that.”

“Well, do you think you can leave in the morning? I've gotten word from a contact in Alabama that there's a slave child needing an escort. He's only three. His ma ran with him and she ended up getting sick along the way and dying. He's got no one now and we can't keep holding him in Alabama, it's not safe. She risked so much for her babe, we need to get him on up here for her.”

“Yes, sir.” John shook the man's hand. “I'll be ready in the morning.”

After leaving Mr. Tyson's John found himself walking aimlessly through the streets of Rochester. It was late when he got back. Sarah was waiting for him.

“John, where have you been? I've been worried sick!”

“I'm fine. I was talking with Mr. Tyson. I'm going back on the road. I'll be leaving in the morning.”

Sarah's face became sober. “No! John,” she pleaded. “Don't do it... don't go! You can't leave me here.”

“Don't fuss, this is something I have to do. Don't be upset, I hate it when you're upset.”

“Yes John, I'll do whatever you say.”

John went to search out Doug. He was the only man around that John knew he could trust with Sarah. He knew his best friend was an honorable man at heart and wouldn't try anything with Sarah as long as he knew how John felt.

“Come in John! How about some brandy?”

“Um, no thanks. I need a favor from you.”

“What is it?”

“I'm leaving for a while and going back on the road and there's something I need you to do for me while I'm gone.”

“Anything.”

“Keep an eye on Sarah, will you?”

“Sure... sure I will. Ya know I will!” he eagerly volunteered.

“And there's something you need to know. I think I'm in love with Sarah.”

Doug's face dropped. “In love with Sarah? Yer own sister?”

“Well, she's not exactly my sister.”

“Who is she if she isn't yer sister?”

“She's my adopted sister. There's no blood ties. She's an Indian orphan that my family took in.”

“Yer adopted sister but, but... ” He suddenly stopped talking and smiled, “Oh, well what can I say, I'm engaged to my full blood cousin.” He laughed.

“So, you will be good, won't you? This isn't just another girl... this is Sarah.”

“Ya can trust me. I give ya my word.”

“Make sure that she's safe and happy. But never tell her what I've said.”

“But, John, what are ya plannin’ on doing about it? Why don't you tell her how ya feel? She may feel the same way as ya do.”

“I don't know that I'm ready for that. I don't think I'm the marrying kind, Doug. My life has been nothing but the cause. Ladies, relationships, children? I can't handle things like this. I don't know, perhaps I'm just afraid that she won't feel the same and I'd look like a fool. I don't like feeling awkward around Sarah. I love her too much.”

“Ya know what the problem is with ya, John? Yer always over-thinking everything.” Doug huffed.

“Just take care of her... I'll be back soon.”

“I should kick yer behind up over your head for bein’ an ass.” Doug shook his head.

“I see.” John laughed. “Anyway, thank you and I'm counting on you. Remember, I love her myself. You, my dear friend, I trust with her.” They shook hands and John slowly made his way to his room.

Chapter Sixteen

* * * *

Sarah stood with Doug as the train taking John away from her slowly gained speed and huffed down the tracks.

“Come on, let's go.” He took her arm.

“Wait, just a minute more. I can still see the train.” She pulled against him.

“Don't ya know that it's bad luck to watch him out of sight?”

“Bad luck?”

“Haven't ya ever heard that before?”

“No... Is it bad luck for him or bad luck for me?”

“Ya know, I don't know!” He chuckled.

“Well I don't believe in such silly things anyway.” Yet Sarah turned before the train was completely out of sight, just in case Doug was right about it. She didn't want bad luck and she surely didn't wish any on John.

“Where do ya want to go now?” Doug asked.

“Home.” Was all she said.

“It's such a pretty day today. Much too pretty for sittin’ in the house.”

“I find it quite insufferable out here... I'm happy at the house.”

“Really?”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Are ya really going to be happy anywhere today?”

“No... I guess not,” Sarah admitted.

“Might as well be miserable with me as opposed to bein’ miserable alone.”

Sarah's lips broke into a smile. “Where would we go?”

“How would ya like a stroll in the park?”

“I suppose so. It might do me good.” She nodded her head.

“As you wish, my lady.” He helped her into the carriage.

Sarah didn't care where they went. Going to the park or going back to the house to sit with Mrs. Jenkins, neither of them appealed to her.

“John should be back soon. He hardly ever stays gone over a month.”

“A month? He's leaving me a solid month, and in a place I know absolutely nothing about, with people I hardly know!”

Doug switched sides of the carriage to sit next to her. “Let's not have any of this.” He put his arm around her shoulder. “Brighten up, he'll be back before ya know it. John asked me to watch out for ya while he was away and I'm goin’ to do my utmost to make ya happy.”

“Thank you. I'll be fine.”

“I dedicate this entire month to ya, Miss. DuVal. We're going to have the best time possible. There's much to do and see. You'll be so happy and busy the month will fly by. Just wait and see.”

True to his word, Doug spent every day with Sarah. They went for walks in the park, visited the University, picnicked by the falls and drove out Canal Street, past the James Cunningham and Son Company where Doug told her Mr. Tyson bought all his carriages. They saw the Erie Canal, he showed her the aqueduct where he and John had learned to ice skate many winters ago.

“Is it hard? I'd love to learn. I want to try every new thing I can.” Her eyes sparkled and her voice squeaked with excitement as it had when she was a child.

“If John can learn, anyone can.” He laughed. “Maybe we could all come out this winter and teach ya.”

“That would be nice. I can't wait for cold weather now.” She smiled.

On rainy days they'd play cards with Mrs. Jenkins and Miss. Ruby or go to the library. Sarah was never bored, there was always some event to go to. Something to see. Something to keep her mind busy and her heart from feeling lonely.

A week and a half after John had left Sarah received this telegram.

My Dearest Sarah (stop)

I am in Alabama and am doing fine (stop

Hope you are the same (stop)

Just wanted to let you hear from me, John

She finished reading the telegram and smiled. Just to hear from him was glorious!

Mrs. Jenkins came into the room leaving the door open. “Sarah, dear, do you mind if I borrow one of your hat pins?”

“Pick out the one you'd like. They're on my vanity.”

“My, but don't we look chipper today!”

“It's a beautiful day. The sort of day that makes me happy.”

“Good. I'm glad to see you in such a cheerful mood,” She said as Doug poked his head through the door.

“Sarah, let's go to the library, there's going to be a book sale. I think we might find some bargains.”

“Sure, let me get my hat and purse. Mrs. Jenkins, just close the door when you're done.” She left with Doug.

“Yer lookin’ well today.” he smiled at her.

“I feel rather well today too,” she informed him.

“That's good to hear.” He helped her into the buggy.

Doug was enjoying every minute he spent with Sarah. These days of his guardianship were like a mixed blessing. The more time he spent with her the more he liked her, yet he knew he could do nothing about it. Sarah was unlike any woman he'd ever known. She was not only beautiful but smart and kind. She was tenderhearted yet strong. Sometimes when they sat alone together he'd imagine there was no John. That Sarah was just as much in love with him as he was with her. When they walked through the park, her arm curled around his, he imagined that they were lovers out on an evening stroll. She was so close, yet so far. Forbidden to him.

Everyone began suspecting that Doug and Sarah were indeed lovers. The men stopped coming around to court Sarah. The word had spread far and wide that the engagement between Doug and Gracie had officially dissolved and that Sarah and Doug were to be married soon. “Finally, that boy has found someone who could settle him down!” They'd say, “He hasn't been seen with any other woman since the night of the ball and that's not normal for him in the least!” The rumors traveled like wildfire through Rochester. Sarah and Doug must be getting married soon! It was clear to everyone, viewing these events from the sidelines, exactly what was going on.

Sarah was on her way to the bakery one sunny morning when she bumped into Mr. Atkins. “Good morning, Miss DuVal.” He tipped his hat to her. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Excuse me?” She gave him a puzzled look.

“Your engagement, of course.”

“My engagement? Whatever do you mean?”

“Why, you and Mr. Mahaffey. Was it supposed to be a secret? I just figured it was common knowledge if I knew about it. I'm always the last to know these things.”

“We're not engaged, where did you hear that one?”

“The word is all around that he and Miss Gracie have concluded their engagement, and well, I've noticed the time you two are spending together. I just never questioned the validity of the information.”

“So the word is ‘all around’ is it? I can just imagine where this ‘word’ came from.” Sarah smirked. “I am fond of Doug, but he's just entertaining me while John is gone.”

“Oh. I see.” The man's face lit up a bit. “How is your brother? Is he still angry with me?”

“He's fine and no, he's not angry with you,” Sarah lied to be polite.

“The way he acted that day at The Falls, one would have thought I had taken out his wife.” He chuckled.

“He just didn't want me there in case something happened.”

“I understand. I never should have taken a lady to such an event.” He paused then went on. “Um, Since you and Mr. Mahaffey aren't serious, would you consider letting me take you out for a drive again sometime?”

Suddenly, Sarah saw Doug as her means of escape, she should have let the story stand as it was. This rumor must be the reason for the sudden decline of male callers to the boarding house. “Oh, um, well, though we are not engaged, I am still very fond of Mr. Mahaffey and who knows where this might lead in the future.”

“Enough said.” He held up his hand. “I knew what the answer would be, but I just couldn't resist asking the question. Well, I have to get going now, it was good seeing you again. Have a wonderful day, Miss DuVal.”

“And you, Mr. Atkins.” He walked away with a bit of bruised pride she suspected. Sarah, however, felt a clever giggle escape her lips, which she suppressed with her fingertips. She couldn't wait to tell Doug about what wonderful gossip she'd just heard, and she knew exactly from whence it had sprung. Those two ladies! Who else but Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby could create and spread such news so quickly? Yes, this definitely had the markings of their crafty minds. In their thirst for gossip, they had given her a way out!

A knock sounded on Sarah's door. “Who's there?” She called.

“Doug.”

She put down her copy of Emerson and opened the door.

“Hey.” Doug grinned at her with his quick boyish smile. “I thought ya might want to get out of here for a little while and go for a ride or somethin'. The afternoon is just simply enchanting! Let's not waste it!”

“Yes, yes. I'd like that. I also wanted to go by the library again.”

“Well, yer chariot awaits, my lady. Maybe after the library we can go to the park. I've packed a picnic for us.”

“Well, let's not keep the library and food waiting!”

On their way, Sarah thought about her conversation with Mr. Atkins that morning and burst out laughing.

“What's so funny?” Doug cocked his head toward her. “Do I amuse ya, darlin'?”

“I just have to let you know that we're engaged now! Are you very happy, my love?” She couldn't stop laughing.

“W— what? W— when did we? What are ya talkin’ about? Has John being gone so long completely addled ya?”

“No, no... I'm fine! But that's the gossip I've heard. Supposedly you've broke it off with Gracie and we are to be married soon.”

“Oh, dear! Just wait until the word gets back to my parents.” He laughed in a nonchalant tone. “I don't know where folks get these wild ideas.”

“It takes little to get something like this going.” Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “What do you think Gracie will think about the news?” she quietly asked.

“She wouldn't care. She's not in love with me any more than I'm in love with her.”

“Really? Does she see other men too?”

“When she can get away with it she does. We're friends, not lovers.”

“I don't understand it. If neither of you want to marry the other, why not break it off?”

“Our parents. And, well, we agreed that if we didn't fall in love with anyone else after a few years we'd marry each other to make our parents happy. But, bein’ cousins who practically grew up together, there's something about it that just doesn't seem right.”

“Yes, I always thought you Northerners looked down on that... cousins marrying cousins and all those backwoods customs.”

“I'm not northern, I'm Irish. But all's fair in keepin’ the money where it belongs, my dear.”

“In the family?”

“Right.”

“Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby didn't tell me these details. Tad told me that you were cousins.”

“Not as sensational that way. But in their defense, they don't know about our ‘agreement.’ No one does, except ya. But they're well aware that we're related.” Doug stopped the buggy in front of the library. “Here we are.”

“Doug,” Sarah grabbed him by the arm. “I was just thinking, since Gracie wouldn't mind, would it be all right for us to let this rumor stand?”

“What do ya mean?” He smiled at her. “Let everyone believe that we're engaged?” This idea seemed to intrigue him.

“I mean the second I told Mr. Atkins the truth, he pounced and asked me to go for another ride with him. Ever since this rumor has been going around I haven't had to deal with suitors and such. It's just easier this way.”

“Oh, well then sure... but only if I can kiss ya in public to make it look more real.” He grinned as he leaned towards with his lips puckered. “Come on, darlin'.”

Sarah looked a bit shocked then she giggled. “You are so bad.” She playfully slapped him on the arm.

“Well, I am trying to be a gentleman, but things just slip out every now and again.” He winked at her. “Come on, let's go see if we can't find ya a new book to get enraptured in.” He climbed down from the buggy and walked around to help her out.

After leaving the library, they went to the park to eat and read over their new books. Sarah sat across from Doug on the quilt she'd spread on the ground. She nibbled on a piece of fried chicken while she read. Doug was skimming over the words in his book, not fully absorbing them, which made comprehending what he was reading very hard. He'd look at Sarah every so often. He couldn't believe the irony of it all. Here he was, finally in love, but it was to a girl he could not have. Sarah glanced his way and he quickly looked back towards his book. It was so hard keeping the truth to himself. Covering it over with jokes and pretending that it was easy to pretend that he was her betrothed.

Doug walked Sarah to her room that evening. “I had a good time. Thank you for taking me out today.” Sarah smiled warmly. “You've been so wonderful.”

“Thank ya. I'm glad I can make ya happy.” He looked deep into her eyes for a moment. “I'll see ya at dinner then.” He quickly left.

Sarah dressed for dinner and walked downstairs to wait with the ladies. When she walked into the parlor she saw Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby and smiled brightly but soon noticed the seriousness of their expressions. “Is something wrong?” Her smile dropped.

“Sit down Sarah, we have to talk.” Mrs. Jenkins had a grave look on her face.

“What is it?” She felt her stomach tighten up. Had something happened to John?

“We've noticed the time you and Douglas have been spending together. You know we told you that he was engaged. I must say, I was quite shocked when I was informed that you two were engaged also.” Mrs. Jenkins glared at her.

“As was I,” Miss. Ruby added.

Sarah felt relief that it was mere nonsense and nothing serious. “I thought the rumor was that he'd broken his engagement with Gracie,” she said sarcastically.

“Rumor is that he's still dangling Gracie while he's making plans to marry you.”

“Ladies, please. Doug and I aren't engaged. We're not in love. We're just friends!”

“Well you, little miss, have no right to lead Doug on. I see him when he's with you. You may not love him, but he loves you and for goodness sake, if you're not in love with him, stop dragging him along, let him marry Gracie!” Miss Ruby chastised her.

“I'm not leading anyone on.”

“Then you're going to marry Doug?” Mrs. Jenkins sat forward.

“No, I'm not going to marry anyone!” Sarah huffed in exasperation.

“I can't believe you! I thought you were better than this!” Miss Ruby said through her pursed lips.

“Better than what? I haven't done anything wrong. You two, on the other hand, have invaded my privacy and started rumors about something you know nothing about! Doug and I are not ‘in love’ and we both know it! John asked Doug to watch out for me while he was gone. That's it. This great love affair you have made up between us does not exist. And Doug has not broken off his engagement, for your continued information. The only reason we went along with it is because Gracie doesn't care and I wanted to discourage suitors coming around here to court me.”

“Oh, dear me. What a tangled web! I don't see why you felt you had to keep it a secret. If you'd just told us from the start, there wouldn't have been all this brouhaha,” Mrs. Jenkins said in tones of righteous indignation.

“Now, how exciting would the truth have been for you two gossip gluttons?” Sarah smiled as she cut them a sly look.

“You're right. I guess we do gossip too much and we should not have invaded your privacy. Can you forgive us?” Miss. Ruby begged.

“Oh, I suppose so. But I can't believe you two thought me a floozy. Don't you know me a little better than that?”

“Well, in our hearts we knew better, but the evidence was so convincing. You have to admit that,” Mrs. Jenkins explained.

“I guess if I were in your shoes I wouldn't know what to think either.”

“Well, Tad was saying that you two would make a handsome couple.” Miss. Ruby smiled.

“I really don't care what she said,” Sarah huffed under her breath.

“What's wrong with you, Sarah? Why do you have such animosity for Tad? You're acting just like that Nathan creature you told us about,” Mrs. Jenkins snapped. “You've no cause or reason for treating poor Tad the way you do. For shame!”

The woman's blunt words seemed to smack Sarah in the face. Me? Like Nathan? Never! Her skin crawled. Maybe she had been thoughtless and short with Tad, but she certainly was nowhere near as mean as Nathan! But her friends were right. Hating someone for no real reason wasn't right. “I know I've been somewhat short with Tad,” she reluctantly conceded. “I'm just so jealous of her and the relationship she and John shared.”

“Sarah, she's like his little sister or daughter. John has a big heart and there's room in there for both of you.” Miss. Ruby spoke more softly. “For either one of you to try and kick the other out would hurt John deeply and would be unfair. He loves you both.”

As the truth rose to the surface Sarah felt tears sting her eyes. She realized her own selfish flaws. For once the ladies assumptions were right. She'd been dreadfully unfair to Tad. “I've been so horrible to her. Do you suppose she'll ever forgive me?” She wistfully looked at the two ladies.

“She's got a very forgiving spirit. All she's ever wanted was to be your friend.” Mrs. Jenkins smiled.

“What should I say to her?”

“Why don't you start with, ‘I'm sorry’ and go from there,” Miss Ruby suggested.

“I will, after dinner.” Sarah breathed deeply.

Later that evening, after their usual gathering in Mrs. Jenkins’ room, Sarah was thinking about Tad. She'd smiled at her a few times over the card game and tried to let her know how she'd changed. Now she wanted to talk to her and tell her she was sorry. She walked towards Tad's room, but as she drew near, she saw Tad stepping from her room with a basket and carrying a candle. She walked down the hall toward the stairs. Sarah paused. Something was up. She kept quiet and decided to follow her and find out what this was all about. She thought about that time before when she'd seen Tad carrying first aid supplies downstairs in the middle of the night. What was she up to? What was the secret behind Tad's nightly excursions

Tad quietly made her way downstairs. She walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. Sarah watched from the shadows as Tad filled the basket with food. What in the world is she up to? She watched as Tad went into the pantry. She heard her open the door which led to the basement. Sarah waited a while, but when Tad didn't come back she walked to the pantry door. “Tad,” she called. No one answered. Sarah opened the door to the basement and quietly crept down the dark stairs. It was pitch black down here. Sarah walked carefully; she could see nothing. “Tad,” Sarah called again. There was no answer... no one was there. It was just Sarah, alone in a small dark basement room. As her eyes became more accustom to the dark she saw what looked to be the outline of shelves along the walls. “Where did she go?” Sarah thought out loud. “Tad... are you down here?” She called a bit louder but still, no one answered. Sarah heard footsteps coming toward her, but from where she didn't know. Sarah gasped as one of the shelves opened as if it were a door and Tad walked through, the light from her candle illuminating the small basement room.

“W— Where did you come from?” Sarah blurted. “What is this?”

“Sarah... what in the world are you doing down here?” Tad looked at her in shock.

“Where did you come from?”

“Never mind that... get back upstairs now.”

“Wait a minute... where did you come from? What's behind that shelf?”

“Sarah, it's best if you don't ask too many questions. Now get back upstairs.”

“No, what's going on here? What's behind those shelves? I want to know!”

“You're not supposed to know. Just forget you ever saw it!” Tad commanded.

“I'm not supposed to know what?”

“John doesn't want you to know. You'll get me in all kinds of trouble with him.”

“John doesn't want me to know what?”

“What all is going on here. What all he's involved in. What we're all doing here.”

“If you don't tell me right now I'll just go find out for myself!” Sarah started toward the shelves.

“Why do you have to make it so hard on me?” Tad huffed.

“If you'll just tell me it won't be hard on you... I won't let on that I know.”

“You're kidding, right?” Tad said. “The way you hate me, you'd probably tell John as soon as he steps off the train that I told you.”

“I don't hate you, Tad, not anymore.”

“Really? And just why don't you hate me anymore?”

“I was talking with Mrs. Jenkins tonight and she helped me to see how wrong I've been. I was coming to talk with you when I saw you leaving and followed you down here. Truly I was— just go ask Mrs. Jenkins. I've been very mean and I had no cause. I'm sorry and I hope we can be friends. If you still want to be my friend?”

Tad looked at Sarah for a few seconds before she replied. “I still want to be to be your friend. But I'm John's friend too and he told us all that you are not to know about this.”

“I'd say it's a little late now. I do believe I've found out, Tad.”

“I suppose now there's no keeping it from you anyway. This is our hideout. We're what you'd call ‘freedom fighters'. Everyone in the house is. We all work for Mr. Tyson. We help runaway slaves start over with a new life. This is one of the last stops before they cross over into Canada.”

“John does this?”

“Yes, he travels around the South distributing The Freedom Gazette and talking to folks about ending slavery and helping slaves in the South get up here.”

“Wait a minute... The Freedom Gazette... is that the newspaper John works for?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, my dear Jesus!” Sarah felt lightheaded.

“I know. This is why John didn't want you to know.”

“I— I feel like I'm going to faint. I knew you were all against slavery, but I had no idea it ran to this extent.”

“You are looking awfully pale. Come on, let's get you upstairs.”

“I'm fine, really I am. I'm just shocked, is all. I can't believe this. I just can't believe that John is in this.”

“He's been in it for years, Sarah... since before I came here as a child.”

“You were a slave, weren't you?”

“Yes... John brought me here when I was about eight years old. I was abused every day of my life until I met John.”

“How did it happen that he brought you here?”

“Do you ever remember hearing of an abolitionist named Kyle Adams?”

“I believe so. Wasn't he murdered?”

“Yes, in a way. But Kyle Adams was, and is, John.”

“What!? You're talking in riddles... what are you saying?”

“Well, that was John's alias. The man that owned me owned a hotel in Alabama. John was coming through on one of his southern tours and stopped there to spend the night. The man recognized the name of Kyle Adams and got up a mob to come and lynch John that night. I overheard their plans and sought John out to tell him about it all. I then talked John into taking me with him.”

“So, you saved John's life?”

“I suppose... but I've been highly blessed for doing so.”

“Oh my Lord... we owe you so much and I've been so horrible to you. Can you ever forgive me for true?”

“Oh yes... don't even think about it again!”

“Me and my entire family owe you a debt of gratitude. John means a lot to us all.”

“He's dear to me as well.”

“And now, John is out there going to those same places and doing those same things that almost got him killed. He's in Alabama right now! This is so much to take in at one time.” Sarah closed her eyes. She was trembling with fear.

“I know, “Tad sighed, “it scares me too. But I trust him to God. God will see him through. God promises us, His children, that He won't put any more on us than we can bear... and I don't believe that I could bear to lose John so I know and trust that he is safe.”

“Well, then he's doubly safe... I couldn't bear to lose him either.” They gave each other a comforting smile.

“It's good to be able to talk to you. I've never been around anyone my own age... or close to it. I've always wanted a good close girlfriend to talk to.” Tad smiled. “Maybe we can be best friends... I'd like that.”

“I was jealous... bitterly jealous. I was being such a fool. I'm so sorry.”

“Please, stop apologizing for it. It's done and over with. Just as God does when we ask forgiveness of our sins, I've put that as far from me as the east is from the west. Let's never mention it again.”

“I certainly won't and thank you so much for being so understanding of me. I would love to forget it. I wish it never had happened,” Sarah told her.

“Well, it's time I get back to work.”

“What have you got to do? Can I come with you and help?”

“I'm taking food to the people who are sheltering here.”

“You tend to them all on your own?”

“Oh no! Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby help out too. Tess does a little, but Mr. Tyson hired her to mostly take care of the upper part of the house.”

“How many people are staying down here?”

“We have twenty people now. Come along. We need every pair of hands we can get.” Tad led Sarah back up to the kitchen where she filled her basket then handed the candle to her along with a few loafs of bread. They walked carefully down the stairway. When Sarah stepped behind the shelves it was as if she had entered another house... a house underground. There was a long hallway. Doors lined both sides. Tad guided Sarah to the end of the hall and knocked on one of the doors. A small black woman looked out. “Is that the food coming?”

“Yes, Sassy.”

“Who's that with you?”

“This is Sarah, John's sister. I'm just showing her around.”

“Oh it's so good to meet you, Miss Sarah!” The woman smiled. “Your brother sure is a blessing to us all.”

“Good to meet you too, and thank you.” Sarah smiled.

“Well, here's your food, Sassy. I brought enough for the other two who are with you.”

“Thank you so much! We're all just about to starve.”

“Eat well and get some rest,” Tad smiled.

“Oh, we sho'ly will. And a good night to ya, Miss Tad... and you, Miss Sarah.”

“Good night.” Tad and Sarah walked back up the long hall.

“This is wonderful. I would never have known about this place!” Sarah smiled.

“Doug is helping three runaways cross over this week.”

“Doug?” Sarah felt her heart drop once again. “He's in on this too?” Her heart pounded harder.

“Of course, like I told you, we all are. We had to keep it a bit of a secret with you here because John didn't want you to know. He didn't want you involved and he didn't want you to worry.”

“I would have never thought of Doug doing work like this. He seemed so... so, not the type, you know?”

“Misjudging is all a part of being human.”

“So, what can I to do to help out more?”

“Do as Mrs. Jenkins, Miss Ruby and I do. Nurse the sick. Help out with the younger ones that sometimes come through here. Once in awhile we get a pregnant woman. She stays here until the baby is born and she's strong enough to make it into Canada. We need more women for such things.”

Sarah's mind raced as she lay in bed that night. She thought about what Tad had told her, saw John running through the cold dark woods with that little girl on his back. She wondered what he was doing now and if he were safe. “God protect him.” She prayed as she thought about what Tad had told her. God won't put any more on us than we can bear, and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Doug took Sarah for a drive the next evening. They were going for a picnic lunch by the falls. She looked at him with a whole new respect, felt a deeper warmth toward him. This man she'd once thought so shallow, so coarse and vulgar, was putting his own life on the line to improve the lives of others. It amazed her how wrong she'd been about him and how she admired him now.

Doug noticed her staring at him. “Is somethin’ wrong?”

“Just something Tad told me yesterday.”

“What was it about?”

“About you and John. She told me you all were something called freedom fighters.”

“I can't believe Tad told ya that!” Doug looked a bit flustered. “Ya weren't supposed to find out about it, young lady. I'm very disappointed in Tad!”

“Oh no! Don't be angry with Tad. I followed her down to the rooms last night without her knowing. It wasn't her fault. I made her tell me everything. I was nosy and really found out on my own. I would have kept snooping until I learned everything.”

“Well, what do ya think about it all now that ya've snooped?”

“I'm frightened and amazed at the same time. I love John dearly and you've become so special to me. I understand what is going on and the need for it, but I fear for you both. I fear for everyone here. It's so dangerous!”

“Yes, a bit. But only if yer're caught.” He laughed. “That's why John didn't want you to know. He knew ya'd worry.”

“Tad helped me a lot, about the fear and all. I still get nervous but I want to help. I need to stay strong because I believe in this cause too. What I want to know is, how did this all come about and how did John get involved?”

“Well, John and I started doin’ this for the money; Mr. Tyson compensates us well. But once he started he kept wanting to do more and more. The money became unimportant. Especially after he got his folks taken care of. Now, he donates most of it back to the cause, as do I.”

“He got into this for us,” Sarah whispered.

“What?”

“He wanted to get us fine things, send money home. You know, things like that. Oh, sweet, sweet, John and no one knew the danger he was putting himself in.”

“Now he's in it because it's the right thing to do.” Doug looked into Sarah's eyes and smiled warmly.

“Yes, just like I am.” She smiled back.

“I don't think John's goin’ to like that much.”

“I don't see why not. I'm in no great danger. I'm just going to be rocking babies or making beds. If anyone should be upset, I should be. He's the one in real danger.”

“Don't ya worry none about him, he's a survivor, that one is.”

“The DuVal resolve. There's nothing to beat it,” Sarah smiled.

“Nothing, except maybe the Mahaffey resolve.” Doug poked his chest out. “So, you and Tad are getting along better now?”

“Oh, yes! I've been so horrible. I was just so jealous of her.”

“Just of her, or of her and John together?”

“The second one.”

“I thought as much.”

“I've been a mean fool, haven't I?”

“Should I answer that?” Doug laughed.

“Go ahead, I know what I've done. My attitude has changed so much now it would be like you were talking about another person entirely.”

“Well, that person was actin’ like a fool. If that person didn't know that no one could have taken her place in John's heart she was downright ignorant.” Doug gave her a wink. His wink didn't irritate her at all anymore. Actually, she thought it quiet endearing, just a natural trait of friendliness, even if most did think it suggestive.

Doug spread the quilt on the ground and Sarah set out the fried chicken, potato salad, and bread and butter pickles. The wind was soft and cool there near the falls as they cascaded down the rocks into the gorge below.

“I really do love it here.” Sarah breathed deeply. “The falls are so majestic and awe inspiring.” She had always been drawn to the sounds water made as it washed over the land. It was like a sweet entity making its special journey through the earth. But these gigantic falls were a force beyond anything she could have ever imagined. Proud she was to witness such awesome majesty. Her heart raced with excitement as if trying to race after its captivating power.

“Yes, I'll always remember the first time I saw them. There's nothin’ like their splendor. I experience the awe again every time someone new comes here to see them with me. Sad to say, none of us ever take the time to come very often. I'm glad ya get me out to visit places like this. It brings back the old feelings of when I first came here. I so enjoy seein’ ya see them.”

“When John gets back, I'm going to have to bring him here too. Perhaps he needs some of his old feelings brought back as well.” Sarah breathed deeply as she looked up at the falls.

“He'd like that.” Doug looked down at his plate. He didn't want to think of John and more importantly he didn't want Sarah to think of John. Right here, right now there was no one else in the world but he, Sarah and the majestic falls. This, he thought, was their time.

“I can't wait for winter... you haven't forgotten about your promise to teach me to ice skate have you?” Sarah asked.

“Well, I'm not that great a teacher, but I'll do my best.” Doug bit into his pickle with a loud crunch.

“I wonder what John is doing at this very minute.” Sarah wistfully looked into the falls as if she were a thousand miles away.

“I don't know what John's doin', but I know what I'm doin'.”

“What's that?” She asked as she looked around at him.

“I'm thinkin’ of ya constantly and I'm thinking of how lucky I am to be here with ya.” He looked deeply into her eyes.

“Doug... what are you saying?”

“Never mind... I'm just rattlin’ on.”

“No you weren't. What are you trying to say?”

“Don't act shocked, Sarah. Ya know I've been head over heels for ya ever since the first time I saw ya. It's been more than I can bear not to say somethin’ to ya in all these weeks. Ya've taken hold of my heart, and if John won't speak up, why shouldn't I? Ya must know that I'm in love with ya, Sarah Elizabeth DuVal.” He held his deep gaze.

“I knew you liked me... but love? I'm pretty sure John didn't know that either.”

“Even if he did, he thought he could trust me with ya.”

“Doug, I can't believe you... ”

“I'm sorry if I offended ya. I'm not subtle, that's one of my faults.”

“Let me finish before you reprimand yourself. What I was saying is, I can't believe how wonderful you are. In just a little while you've become so important to me. I may not love you like that, But I do love you. You are my best friend here. And no matter how you feel, I know I can truly trust you.”

“I suppose that platonic love is good enough.”

“I heard that you'll be leaving tomorrow to do some work.” Sarah attempted to change the subject.

“Oh, sure. I'll only be gone a few days.”

“Please do hurry back! I don't think you're supposed to leave me.” Sarah cut her eyes at him and smiled. “Be careful and stay safe for me.”

“I always do... don't worry about me! And don't worry about John. We've both been at this a good long while. We know what we're doing.”

“I'm sure you do.”

Sarah was a frequent visitor to the basement rooms now. She and Tad grew closer and closer. They leaned on each other as they spent many hours talking and working together. They cooked the meals, cut and wound bandages, and tended the sick. Sometimes people were so sick by the time they got to Rochester that Sarah was amazed that they had made it at all. For these, the Doctor who lived across the street was called in to help.

It was late one evening that the Doctor had to be called because a young girl had come to the house a few days before. She was ragged, dirty and half starved. The bone structure of her face was hidden by only a layer of skin. There was no meat or fat to hide her jutting cheekbones. Her eyes were sunken and dim, her hair matted. Sarah looked at her as Doug helped her into bed. Then she saw the girls bulging belly. She was pregnant! This girl couldn't have been more than fourteen years old. With so much against her, what had it taken to get her this far? Sarah's eyes stung with tears, but she quickly regained her composure. The girl must not see her cry. She must be strong and reassuring. She must comfort this young girl and show no weakness so that she would feel secure and safe with people who were calm, collected, capable and caring. The four C's as Tad had called them.

As people came and went, Sarah and Tad fixed up the rooms for the next tenants who would be starting on their new life of freedom. “It's almost like giving birth. A new life is born every time another person leaves here to make that cross into Canada!” Sarah looked at Tad as she stirred the soup for dinner.

“Yes, that's exactly how it feels! New hope and new beginnings are born every day! I never thought of it like that, I just knew it felt great helping people. Helping everyone caught up in this degrading system.”

“I can't believe you all wouldn't let me be blessed by helping until I found out on my own about everything!”

“Could you imagine going back on a promise you'd made to John?” Doug shot her a grin.

John stayed in the forefront of Sarah's thoughts. She often wondered if he were safe, She had to keep busy, keep from worrying, and not allow herself to think of the danger. She would think of the mighty work. She would be strong.

A month passed. Then two and John still wasn't back. He'd write quick postcards to her which was a great comfort. But she longed to see him. It was well into the middle of October, three months since John had left, when the postcards stopped coming all together! She longed to one day open the door and see him smiling down at her. To hold her in his arms.

Chapter Seventeen

* * * *

On this crisp autumn day in November, Sarah and Doug walked through the park, arm in arm. The trees were on fire with a thrilling kaleidoscope of colors. The ground was a carpet of leaves. The fall season had begun and Sarah welcomed it. She thought autumn was the finest of the seasons because, as she saw it, Ol’ Sol, was on his finest behavior then. Unlike winter's cold, summer's heat and spring's indecision, fall was just right, so she had concluded that fall was, by far the better season. “It's such a beautiful day,” Sarah breathed deeply, “I hope this good weather will hold out.”

“Don't worry, I think it will.”

Doug's eyes sparkled when he looked at her and Sarah looked away, she felt the heat in her cheeks. Was she blushing? What an odd feeling. What was this? It couldn't be love? Surly not! She wasn't in love with Doug! No, she couldn't be. John was her one true love, her ideal.

Doug must have noticed her faraway look as he jokingly nudged her with his elbow. “A penny for yer thoughts. What's goin’ on up there in that pretty bonnet of yers?” He grinned down at her.

“Nothing, just enjoying myself and my company. I am easily lost on such a day as this.”

“Yer mind left to wander, is it? I must make sure that doesn't happen too often, I'll be feelin’ like bad company.”

“Oh no, it's your company that I enjoy the most.” She breathed deeply, “You must know, without you, this time away from John would have been unbearable for me.”

“Glad, I am, to hear I can be of some comfort to ya.”

The dark haired man stood in Mr. Tyson's office. His square jaw clinched and his gray brown eyes had a look of urgency. “Sir. I have a message from a Mr. Frank down in Alabama.”

“What is it?”

“Seems like your helper here, John DuVal is in a pickle, got caught.”

“What are you talking about?” Mr. Tyson took his cigar from his mouth and sat forward. “Is he all right?”

“The way I hear it, someone caught him helping a little slave boy escape. Frank wanted me to get the message to you. DuVal somehow got away from the lynch mob, but he's stuck down there, in a corner for sure.”

“Thank you for letting me know. That boy is like a son to me! Tell him to sit tight, do not move. I'll think of something!” Mr. Tyson bit on the tip of his cigar.

It was later that same day that Mr. Tyson called Doug for a meeting. “I understand John trusts you a great deal.”

“Yes, sir. He does. “

“Well, I have something I want you to do for him.”

“What?”

“Get his sister home where she belongs.”

“What's wrong?” Doug's expression grew dark.

“There could be danger for her here. John's been caught down in Alabama. Mr. Frank sent word. He saved John from a lynch mob and now the boy's holed up at his place. The mob have the impression that John is dead, and we must let it stand. No one can know what really happened, not even Sarah. Do you understand? To everyone outside this room, John is missing and presumed dead!”

“Yes, Sir. I understand.”

“There's a train leaving at noon today. I want Sarah on it. You'll escort her home, but you will come back on the very next train back here.”

“Yes, sir... I'll see to it.”

Sarah's face went pale as she looked at Doug. “W— what are you saying to me?” Tears flooded down her cheeks.

“John is missin'. We think he's been killed.” He looked at her helplessly. It was more then he could bear to have to lie to her. He felt his heart tearing as the pain in her deep brown eyes intensified.

“No! This can't be happening!” She fell into Doug's arms.

“Shush... I'm here.” Doug spoke softly. Sarah closed her eyes. She pictured John's face smiling down at her. She remembered the feel of his arms holding her close. He can't leave me... he just can't. This can't be real. God, please, let me wake up from this nightmare!

Doug rushed to get Sarah ready for her trip. She packed her things and he loaded them on the carriage. By noon they were sitting on the train as it pulled away from the station. Sarah remembered when she and John had first arrived here. How wonderful it was. She looked over at Doug and he smiled at her. She turned away. It was too much to bear. She wanted to yell and scream at him. Why not you instead of my John! Why are you here and he's gone! Why couldn't it have been you! She looked down at the locket John had given her. She opened it and looked at the picture of him smiling back at her. This was all she had of him anymore. No she couldn't believe it! He must be out there somewhere! He must be alive! She wasn't going to believe that he was dead. Never! “How will I ever be able to tell the folks about John?”

“Ya don't have to. I sent them a telegram before we left.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Yer're welcome.”

“I'm sorry I'm distant. You've been a wonderful friend to John and me. Faithful and kind.”

“I wasn't faithful.” Doug looked away.

“What?”

“I can't help it Sarah. I love ya! It's time to clear my conscience. When John left he told me he loved ya, and I know deep down that you love him too. I begrudged John that he had yer heart and I knew I could never win it. Now that he's gone, all I can think of is ya! Not seein’ ya every day. Not lookin’ into yer eyes, not havin’ ya with me! I love ya and I can't help it!”

Sarah was shocked. If she didn't control herself, she could have slapped him. Slapped him hard. “Why didn't you tell me that John said he loved me before now?” Her tone was cold and angry.

“I promised John.”

“And now you think with John out of the way, I would just forget him and begin a courtship with you?”

“All I can think of now is that I am free to pursue ya. I feel horrible! I'm sorry, please forgive me!”

Before she could think she felt her hand whip across his face. She felt her stomach tighten up as she realized what she'd done. She gasped as she looked at her hand in disbelief. “I— I need some air.” Sarah stood and walked to the end of the train. She watched as the tracks sped by. Even though it was a warm November day, Sarah felt chilled. She couldn't wait to be off this train. The only thing that gave her comfort was the thought that Greta and Shane would be waiting for her at the end of the tracks.

Sarah stepped from the train. When she saw her friends she suddenly realized how very much she had missed them and flew towards them. She threw her arms around both of them at the same time. “Oh, how I've missed you two!” She cried.

“This town hasn't been the same without you!” Shane's voice quivered.

“He's gone Greta, John is gone!” Sarah cried as she lay her head on her best friend's shoulder.

Greta hugged her tightly. “I heard, Sarah. I'm so sorry.”

When Sarah turned to introduce her friends to Doug, he was gone. Her heart sank. She hadn't had time to get her emotions straight before he'd left. Everything seemed to an unreal blur right now. She felt sorry for taking her anger out on her dear friend; one that she had come to care for deeply. John should have let me know how he felt. It wasn't Doug's place. He was a true friend to the both of us

Sarah stayed with Greta the entire week after she'd returned. They'd talk till the wee hours of the morning then wake at dawn to start their day. Greta's children were a handful, and there were many chores, but Sarah was thankful for the busy days. They kept her mind off her troubles. Yet late in the evenings, when her memories had time to surface, the weight of grief came down on her. This was when she was most thankful for Greta's company. She knew she couldn't stay with Greta forever though, so she finally went home.

When Sarah awoke in her old bed, in her old room, her heart felt as if a ten ton boulder were crushing it. Her chest was tight and her breathing shallow. She tried in vain to completely fill her lungs with air. She slowly stood from the bed and walked to her wash basin. She splashed her face with cool water then walked to the window and opened it. The November air washed over her, only then could she take in a full breath. ]From the window she saw the dry parched land as it loomed bleak before her. The cotton stalks, dead and brown. Some still holding the white fluffy wads of what was a crop failure. The first the DuVals had ever suffered. Looking over the gloom, Sarah missed the view from her bedroom window in Rochester. The vibrant reds, yellows, pinks and whites. A lush, fertile rose garden alive with color, their delicious fragrance hanging in the air and filling her nostrils like some rich and exotic perfume. How could she bear life here again? Through her blurry tear dimmed eyes she saw someone walking in the distance. It was Shane. Her pain eased, I've still got Shane and Greta. My dearest friends. She smiled as she watched him come nearer. His boyish stride had changed little from when they were children. The early morning sun glistened on his dark blonde hair. She noticed she was still in her night dress and hurried to get dressed before he got there. She swiped the brush through her thick black hair a few times then rushed downstairs just as he was tapping on the door.

His blue eyes sparkled as they met Sarah's. “Mornin,'” he cut her a crooked grin.

She smiled back. “What brings you around at this hour?”

“Do I need a reason?” He chuckled.

“Oh, no. No, you don't ever need a reason. I was just wondering if there was one.” She opened the door wider. “Come on in and have a seat and enjoy a cup of coffee with me.”

“Who are you talking to, Sarah?” Marion called from the kitchen.

“It's Shane.”

“Tell him breakfast is about ready. He's just in time.”

Sarah led Shane to the parlor where they took their seats. “You're looking better, Sarah. I don't mind telling you, I was worried as anything about you when I saw you get off that train.” Shane fumbled with his hat as he looked to the floor. “I missed you so much while you were gone.”

Sarah noticed him clutching the hat tighter. She reached out and touched his hand. “I missed you too. You and Greta both.” She let out a deep sigh. “But you and Greta are the only things I missed about this place.”

“I suppose Rochester does have a lot more to do and see.”

“Beautiful things! It's so different. And the roses! They were so wonderful. Every morning I woke to their beauty. Now I wake to a dried field of putrid cotton!”

“Well, cotton is kind of pretty in its own way.”

“I'd like to know what way that is,” Sarah huffed. “I know cotton. I've picked it, I've planted it, I've hoed it and believe me, there's nothing pretty about those finger gouging demons!”

“Sometimes you just have to look for the beauty in a thing. Roses have finger gouging thorns too.” Shane cut her a devious smile as he shook his head.

“Oh, hush up!” She playfully swatted at him.

After breakfast, they walked out to enjoy the sunny, cool day together. The leaves on the old oak tree were tattered and falling down as if they were tired of hanging on. She knew that before long the limbs would be naked and jutting out from the old tree like gnarled fingers against the sky. Sarah caught a leaf as it was floating to the ground. “Look at that.” She twisted it toward Shane. “Every color of fall is in this one leaf.”

“Winter is brown and summer green, but fall is the prettiest season I've seen!” Shane recited Sarah's childhood poem.

“Oh, you remembered! I had forgotten it. That was so long ago! Back when we were just little children. How could you remember that silly little poem?”

“I don't forget anything you say.” His eyes sparkled down at her.

“I know. Sometimes I say things I wish you would forget,” she said.

Later on Shane paid Sarah another visit. When she came to the door she saw him standing with his hat in one hand and the other tucked behind his back. An impish grin was sprawled across his face. “What's with you?” Sarah looked puzzled.

“I just came by to bring you this.” He said as he brought forth a bouquet of cotton stalks that he'd gleaned from the dry fields. A large pink ribbon adorned them.

“What in the world?” Sarah chuckled as she reached for the cotton.

“I don't have roses to bring you except these which are roses of the South.”

Sarah looked at him and then to the cotton. Suddenly she saw the white fluffy boles in a way she'd never seen them before. They did look like fluffy white roses. When she looked back at Shane a warm feeling filled her heart. Only he could have ever made her see the beauty in something as simple as cotton! “They're beautiful, Shane! They're truly beautiful. I love them. Thank you so much for bringing them.”

“I know they aren't as pretty as your northern roses, but... ”

“No, Shane! These are prettier. Really, I'm seeing them for the first time as something other than back-breaking, toiling work. Now I see them as a thoughtful gift from a loving and dear friend who wanted to show me their beauty. There's nothing more beautiful in all the world than that, not even in Rochester.”

“Care to go for a walk?”

“I'd love to and let's take that walk through our southern rose garden.” They both laughed.

The seasons changed as winter came roaring in. Daniel and Marion had to use every bit of money that had been saved for winter supplies because the crops hadn't done well. There had been very little rain and the summer had been scorching. The vegetables had dried in the sun so there was little to nothing to store up or sell. They had lost John and with him, the money they had come to rely on.

Sarah took a job with Mrs. Hamilton, the local seamstress. She made a dollar a week which she seemed to stretch farther than humanly possible. She searched for bargains and ways to make every cent count. She'd take two eggs and make a skillet full of scrambled eggs by adding a little milk and flour to them. The extra eggs could be sold. The twins were outgrowing their shoes, yet she couldn't seem to save enough money. Sarah was thankful that her own feet had stopped growing. That's when it hit her that the twins shoes could be made to fit them. She cut the toes out. Now they could wear them in comfort with heavy knitted socks.

Shane would stop by every morning to take her into town with him. He was working as an overseer at the Eastland Plantation. It was just outside of town so it was not out of his way to take Sarah to the dress shop. Even if it had been, she knew he wouldn't have minded. He'd arrive early and drive slowly. “So, Miss Trissy is having a dress made by you, huh?”

“Oh yes. She came in just yesterday to see how it was going. Oh, I can't stand that stuck up devil!”

“Devil? That's awful strong talk. What in the world did she do to you?”

“Well, I suppose she's still mad at me cause you didn't pay her no mind when we were kids. I do think she still wants you to be her sweetheart.”

“Well, what did she say that's got your feathers in a ruffle?”

“Yesterday she came prancing in to have a look at her dress. I took her back into the sewing room to show it. Now I don't know if you know it or not, but a dress looks nothing like a dress while it's in the process of being sewn up. So when we got there and I held up the basted scraps of fabric, she went into a tirade. She told me how much she'd paid for the material and that I'd have to pay her back every cent for chopping it up like that. Mrs. Hamilton and I tried to explain to her that it was nowhere near done. She said she certainly hoped not and that she didn't want my ‘incompetent’ hands back on it. But what she didn't know was that it was Mrs. Hamilton who'd cut it out and done the basting. I only do the sewing. That Trissy Eastland is the rudest person on earth!”

“I don't know about her being the rudest. All those uppity plantation folks are like that. And I mean everyone of them I've ever met.”

“I think she's just a spoiled brat,” Sarah snapped.

“She's bratty, selfish and mean for sure.”

“I'll accept that.”

Shane helped Sarah from the wagon then went on his way as she readied herself for another day of neck breaking work. By the end of the day Sarah's neck and shoulders would be so stiff she'd have to work out the kinks before she could even stand up.

“Morning, Sarah!” Mrs. Hamilton's cheerful voice rang out. “Trissy Eastland is coming back this afternoon for a fitting. I want you to get as much done on that dress as you can before then. The sooner we get that one done the better. I just want that girl and her dress out of this shop!”

“Yes, the sooner the better. I'll get started right now.” Sarah sewed right on through lunch and didn't even stop for a drink of water. By the time Trissy came in, the pieces of material had begun looking like a right nice dress.

“This is a wonderful job,” Trissy cooed. “It turned out after all. I'm pleased about how you've salvaged her work. You are very gifted indeed, Mrs. Hamilton.”

“Well, it was Sarah... ”

“And I want you to do all my spring dresses, “Trissy interrupted, “and a gown for the Easter ball too. How does that sound?”

“You'll have to find someone else. We are totally booked up right now. In fact, I don't know when we'll get a break.”

“Oh no, Mrs. Hamilton! You can't deny lil’ ol’ me. And you know I'll pay you generously. How many of those others are going to tip you extra? And you do need to get started on my Easter dress first, if you please.” Trissy talked as if she'd never been told no in her life about anything. If so, it had never stuck because the word ‘no’ just didn't seem to register with her.

“I'm sorry, Miss Trissy, we simply can't take anymore right now.”

“Well, we'll talk about it after this one is done. Help me get it off now. This will be the prettiest day dress I've ever owned!”

After Trissy flounced out of the shop, Sarah spoke to Mrs. Hamilton. “You know you need the money. I really don't care what she says to me. Believe me, I've heard worse. If she is willing to tip you extra, I say take the job and ignore her remarks. She seems to like you well enough. It's me that she's peeved at anyway. Just let her think you did it all. I could care less. I just need the money and you do too, so give the spoiled brat what she wants.”

“Do you think we should dangle her a bit though, and raise the price?”

“That's your business. I'll follow your lead though and I won't leave you to do it all alone.”

“Then that's what we'll do. They have plenty of money and she can afford to pay us for putting up with her and for making her blasted dresses.”

They both laughed.

Mrs. Hamilton made Trissy pay in advance and gave Sarah half of the money. The first thing she did was order Jennie and Bettie each a brand new pair of shoes.

When spring came around. It was time to get back to the hard labor of plowing, planting, weeding, moving the new chickens, spring cleaning and all other such chores as well as working with Mrs. Hamilton. Jennie and Bettie were courting and hard to lasso into their chores. Sarah hardly had time to fret about anything and too tired at night to even think. She fell into bed and was out before her head hit the pillow.

Trissy's Easter ball gown and her summer dresses were exquisite. She gloated over them madly and declared that they were well worth every cent she'd paid for them. Sarah was glad that she was pleased and glad that the responsibility was off her back because she had long ago spent the money. Now she could breathe easier.

Summer was flying by in a frenzy of work. This year the crops were beautiful. Each tomato vine was full. Squash had to be picked everyday along with the beans, okra, pickles and peas. Sarah hardly got to see Greta, but Shane came by every evening to help out wherever he could. Chopping wood, gathering the produce and so forth.

Sarah and Marion canned jar after jar of fresh vegetables. This winter there would be plenty of everything. Sarah felt proud and the money jar was filling up nicely. They had a hog for butchering in the fall and the new chicks had already begun to lay.

The chickens surrounded Sarah as she cast the chicken feed out over the ground. They squawked and pecked and fluttered to grab every morsel they could get. The new little ones were getting pecked and shoved away. “Hey you stingy old biddies, you let them have some too!” she fussed.

“You trying to teach chickens good manners?” Shane teased her from the roof of the chicken house where he was mending the leaks.

“They're so mean to the new ones!”

“That's how it is and that's how it's been forever.”

“Maybe so, but my chickens are going to behave themselves, even if I have to force them.”

“I believe you actually could change that brood.”

Shane's face was sunburned and sweaty. She knew they had been allowing him to do too much around here. It wasn't fair to him and they had pretty well caught up. She knew he worked hard at his job, his place and now theirs. “You should be resting now, or doing what needs to be done around your place. You're doing too much. Get down from there and come into the house. I'll fix you a glass of cold lemonade and we'll rest for a bit. I need a break too.”

Shane smiled and climbed down the ladder. “Yes ma'am! I've just put the last shingle on anyway.”

“Good for us.” She took him by the arm and led him into the house. Marion was fussing over the baking and fanning herself with her apron. It was hotter in the house than it was outside. “Daniel simply must get that outside stove repaired!” she fussed. “It was fine to let it go during winter, but I need it now!”

“Yes! I don't know how you stand this heat, Momma. Let's all go out onto the porch and drink a glass of lemonade.”

“I think I will in a minute. Y'all go on while I put this last loaf in the oven.”

“All right... I'm leaving yours on the table.” Sarah handed Shane his drink and they strolled out onto the porch. Sarah sat on the swing as Shane perched himself upon the porch's railing. “Oh, I'm so tired. I dread going to work in the morning.” Sarah took a drink.

“Why don't you quit?”

“I can't leave Mrs. Hamilton high and dry. Besides, we need the money.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “You should start building a life of your own and let your folks tend themselves.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I hate to be blunt,” Shane came over and sat beside her on the swing. “but sometimes life just calls for action. Marry me and let's build our lives. Your folks should be able to do for themselves after this year. Jennie and Bettie are probably getting married soon. Why not you?”

Sarah looked at him. She almost wanted to say yes, but her hand went to the locket she always wore around her neck and out of sight. She felt as if the pull she had towards Shane was dishonoring the love she had for John. What if he was still alive? She had to wait for him. Tears came to her eyes.

“What's wrong? I didn't mean to upset you.”

“It's impossible, Shane. I can't marry you. Not yet.”

“Not yet? What are you waiting on? Your folks to grow up so they can make it on their own?”

“Something no one would understand. I have to wait until I'm ready and I don't know when that will be. I may never be ready. It's best if you go on with your life and not wait on me. Find a nice girl to settle down with. Someone to have you some beautiful children, tend your house and mend your shirts.” She placed her hand on his face.

“There's no one I want to do all those things with but you.” Shane's jaw clenched as he looked down at his boots.

“You've never looked anywhere else. Give someone else a chance.”

“Who? Trissy Eastland?” He stiffened his back. “Who wants to marry a silly little toad like her? She hasn't the sense God gave a red bug!”

“No matter where I go I'll never have truer friends than you and Greta. God knows I'd rather cut off my own arm than to hurt either one of you, but Shane, I can't marry you. I just can't.”

“Why? Give me a good reason.”

“Too many questions that I have no answers to.”

“Or too many questions that you won't answer.”

“Won't, you're right... I won't answer them because I know the answer and I don't like the answer that I have to give.”

“Excuse me, Sarah, but you're being a fool.” He got up from the swing and put his hat on his head. “I've got to be getting home. I'll see you in the morning.”

“I can walk to my job.”

“You don't have to. I'll leave you alone about this but I'm still your friend.”

“You're more than my friend,” Sarah stood. “you are my best friend and you must know that I do love you dearly.”

“I love you too. Always will.” He gave her a crooked smile but the hurt still shone through his sparkling blue eyes.

Sarah watched as Shane drove away. She touched the locket again. Please, John... come back or turn me loose. Let me know that you're alive if you are or set me free if you're not

Every now and again, while they were working together, Sarah would look over at Shane. Being near him gave her a warm, safe feeling. There were even times that she wanted him to hold her close. As he looked into her eyes, an unexpected warmth would come over her, then a memory of John would flash into her mind. She'd touch the locket she had tucked behind her bodice. This made her start crying and Shane would be there to comfort her.

“It's all right. It's going to be fine. Please don't cry.”

“I'm sorry... I don't think I'm ever going to get over it, Shane. It's almost been a year and we've heard nothing. I don't know if he's dead or alive. I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't let him go, and it kills me to hang on.”

“It'll get easer... it will.”

“It seems to be getting worse as time goes on. The more I don't hear and am left to wonder... I just want to know where he is! I can't stand not knowing. Hearing that he is dead would be easer than this!”

“It kills me to see you hurting like this.”

“I can't help it.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just be my friend, just like you've always been.”

“You have my word on that.” He hugged her close.

Sarah rested in his arms for a moment and closed her eyes as he held her. The cradle of his strong arms was natural and comforting. She wanted him to hold her like this forever. Then she realized what she was doing, quickly freed herself from his embrace and went back to work.

Trissy Eastland sat reading, as she did every evening, under the sprawling oak that grew near the edge of the Eastland pasture. But her mind wasn't on her book. As usual her mind was on the rugged and handsome Shane Thompson. This vantage point gave a clear view of the barn where Shane would come before going home. She had admired him from here many an evening.

She sat up straight as she saw him coming from the fields, his shirt sweaty from the day's hard work. She watched him as he took it off and doused himself with fresh cool water from the well bucket. The water glistened off muscular arms and shoulders that were sunburned brown. He noticed her staring at him and gave her a quick nod. Quickly, she looked back down at her book. Shane took a long drink of water then put his shirt back on before he entered the barn.

Soon he and his wagon were rattling by her and down the driveway. She knew he was going to pick up Sarah from the dress shop. She huffed loudly as she slammed the book down hard on the ground. She must find a way to get close to him! Soon she would make her move.

As Shane emerged from the fields the next evening, Trissy was sitting primly beneath the oak, just as always. When he went on into the barn to feed her father's stock and hitch up his wagon, she followed, standing close behind him.

Soon, as though sensing someone was behind him, he turned to see Trissy standing there. “Evening ma'am.” He said a bit startled. “What are you doing out here?”

“What do you think?” She smiled at him slyly.

“I— I don't think you should be out here, Miss.”

“I do declare if you ain't the cutest thing around.” She walked toward him as he stepped back. “A big man like you ain't scared of little ol’ me, are you?” She giggled.

“You really shouldn't be here, I don't think your pa would like it.”

“What my pa don't know won't hurt him.”

“But what your pa finds out might hurt me.”

“You are funny!” She threw her head back and laughed wildly.

“I've got to be going now, Miss.”

“Don't you think I'm pretty?”

“That's not for me to say.”

“You don't want to kiss me?”

“Like I said, I have to be going now. Good evening, Miss.” He got into his wagon quickly and drove away.

Trissy was flush with anger as she picked up the first thing she saw and threw it hard against the wall. The horseshoe hit with a loud clattering thud. She would have him, she would! She would win him away from that blasted Sarah DuVal!

Chapter Eighteen

* * * *

Everyone had gone home from gleaning the cotton fields but Sarah. She thought she would stay and get as much picked as possible. A sudden noise behind her alerted her to danger, but too late. Before she could react or defend herself, someone kicked her legs out from under her. She fell to the ground with a thud. She turned, shocked and bewildered to see Nathan staring down at her. The look in his eyes scared Sarah. She had never seen such a look of hate before!

“W— why did you do that?” She scuttled backwards but Nathan stepped closer and kicked her. Fear engulfed her. She knew this attack was different. The look in his eyes made her blood run cold. She felt that she was about to die and she didn't even know why. “W— what's wrong?” She spoke in short gasps.

“You! You are what's wrong with everything! If it hadn't been for you, John would have been a better brother to me!” He kicked her again and again as he shouted in anger. “If it hadn't been for you, he would still be here, you killed him! He was just fine till he carried you up there!”

Sarah could barely catch her breath between the fierce blows as she cried. “No Nathan... no! Please stop it! You can't be this hateful! Nathan, Nathan!”

He reached down and grabbed her by the hair. “Don't call for me, wench!” He hissed through his yellowed teeth. His breath smelled of stale liquor. “Scream out for John to help you! Go ahead. Scream for him!”

She was too terrified to say anything.

“I said scream for John you squaw bitch!” He shook her by her hair.

“J— John.” She stuttered in a whisper. She couldn't say it any louder. Fear had taken her voice.

“Scream for him, he'll come for you!” Nathan shouted as he shook her harder. “You can bring him back! You can make him come back! He'll come for you! Call him! Call him!”

“John, oh please John, help me! John, John, John!” The cries ripped from her throat and echoed through the empty fields.

Nathan looked around. “I don't see him! Maybe he is dead... and maybe you need to join him!” He snarled.

“No.” She cried. “Please stop it, Nathan! You don't know what you're doing!”

Nathan smirked. “I know exactly what I'm doing, you good for nothing savage! I can't think of a thing you're good for! Except maybe this.” He shoved her to the ground between the rows of cotton stalks. She smelled his stench as his heavy body weighed her down. He tore at her like a rabid animal.

“No Nathan! You can't do this... you can't do this evil! Stop! Please stop! she slapped at him, clawing at his face, but he grabbed her throat.

“Scream Injun witch, scream! Call John! Let me hear it! Where is he, Injun? What have you done with him?” His eyes were wild and his strength deadly. Blood ran down his face from her deep claw marks.

Sarah could hardly breathe; she felt herself slipping away. “John... help me!” She whimpered before everything faded into darkness.

When Sarah finally opened her eyes she found herself still lying in the cotton field. It hadn't been a horrible nightmare, it was true. Nathan had barbarically violated her, Tearing from her the cherished sanctity that she had protected and held in such reverence. Now she was ruined and left in the dusty field for dead. Pain overwhelmed her. Every part of her body ached. She rolled over. “Oh, God.” She cried out as she sat up. The pain made her whole body tremble. It took all of her effort just to move. Her legs hurt. Her ribs hurt. Her back and shoulders hurt and most of all, her heart hurt.

Her unsteady legs shook as she wandered through the woods aimlessly with tear clouded eyes. Somehow she came out at the stream, her sanctuary. Her place of healing and comfort. She bent down at the water's edge. She had to do something, she couldn't go home like this! “How can I fix this?” She cried. “How can I fix this?” She combed through her hair with trembling hands before she stepped into the water and began scrubbing away the dirt from the field. She noticed her ripped undergarments. “They're ruined... everything's ruined! I'm ruined! Why! Why! Why!” She screamed as she pounded the water with her fists. “Everything is ruined! Everything!” She pulled herself up out of the water and collapsed on the bank crying. “Why? Why? John, I can't... I can't do this! It's too hard without you! You said you'd never leave me again! But you left me, you left me to this! You liar! John, you are a liar! Oh God, will someone please help me!”

She jumped like a wounded animal when she felt a strong pair of arms lift her from the ground. It was Shane. She saw the worry in his face and grabbed him by his shoulders. She rested her head on his chest. His strong, broad chest. “Shane! Oh, dear Shane! Thank God it's you!”

“I'm here, my sweet, Sarah. I'm right here. What's happened to you?”

“Help me... I can't live without him, Shane! I can't! Life is too hard!”

“John again?”

“He can't help me... there's no one to help me now!” She sobbed.

“Damn it woman, I'm here! Look at me!” He held her head in his hands. His eyes were on fire. “I'm here! I'll help you! I love you! Why does it always have to be John? Seems as if he's never around when you need him, doesn't it? Yet here I am. Don't ignore me and call for your brother! For the love of God, don't ignore me!”

Sarah looked into his face. He was right, John was never there and she wanted Shane to hold her close. She felt so safe in his arms. “Hold me, just hold me!” She buried her face in his broad shoulders. She felt his arms wrap around her creating a cradle for her to rest in. “Oh Shane, I need you so, I need you! You won't ever leave me, will you?”

“Never, you have my word.”

“You'll take me away from this! You'll keep me safe. Won't you?”

“'Til the day I die.”

“I love you, Shane. I really do love you. I've loved you for so long!”

Tears filled his eyes. “I can't believe this is happening... that you love me, too. I pray it's not a dream! No, it can't be a dream... I can tell... it's true!”

Sarah rested her head on his strong shoulder as he carried her. When they neared the house she looked at him. “I— I think I can walk from here. Don't tell what I did. I don't want Momma and poppa to know.”

“They're overworking you! Maybe they need to know so they will stop it. You're one person Sarah and you can only do so much.”

When Shane walked in supporting Sarah, Marion turned from her cooking pot.

“What on earth is wrong now?”

“I'm just tired Momma. I stayed in the field too long.”

“Well, go up to your room and rest for a while.” Marion turned back to her cooking. “Maybe you'll be better by supper and can help me set the table.”

“I— I will,” Sarah weakly replied. Shane helped her toward the stairs and turned to leave. She grabbed at him. “Don't leave me just yet. Let's just sit in the parlor while I rest.”

Shane sat on the sofa beside Sarah. She took his hand and held to it so tight that he stared at her in puzzlement. “Does this mean that we're officially courting?” He smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Yes, Shane, if you still think I'm worth courting.”

“Worth it?” He sat forward and looked into her face in astonishment. “You know how I've always felt about you!” His deep blue eyes had never looked more handsome and loving to her.

“I love you, I love you so much. I need you to take care of me! I need to be cared for right now. You're always there when I need you, Shane. Always! Thank you for being my friend and for loving me through everything.”

“I'll be right here.” He smoothed her hair back. “I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me.”

Marion walked in, “Sarah, come on and help me get supper on the table now.”

“I'm still a little tired. I think I'll go up to bed now, if you don't mind.”

“Well. I guess I'll have to manage,” Marion huffed as she left the room.

“I know she's upset with me, but I'm just wiped out today and I just don't care who's mad at me anymore!”

“It's about time you started thinking of yourself. I'm glad to see it! My girl ain't gonna be working her fingers to the bone no more! I'll see to that!” He smiled. “Well you go on up now and I'll see you tomorrow.” He awkwardly kissed her cheek before he stood.

As he left Marion turned to him and asked, “Would you like to stay to supper?”

“Oh no, thank you. I have some work to do around my place. I'm figuring I'm going to be having a wife pretty soon and she needs a home to come to.”

“Really? Anyone I know?” Marion smiled brightly.

“If all goes well, you'll know soon enough.” He tipped his hat to her. “Good day.”

“Good day, Mr. Thompson.”

That night a powerful and frightening thunderstorm erupted over the valley. A torrential downpour gushed over the hills, swelling the mountain streams over their banks until a mighty river swept through the valley like a raging sea, tearing its way downward, taking with it anything in its path. Wind whipped the pines and sent them bending almost to the ground, as if they were paying homage to the angry storm. Brilliant streaks of lightning sliced through the night sky while deafening thunderclaps echoed and rumbled through the storm drenched valley. It was as if the heavens themselves were screaming out in anger as Sarah lay hurting and weeping alone into her pillow.

Daniel rushed into her room. “Come, Sarah, to the cellar! This is dangerous weather! Hurry!”

“You go on, Poppa. I'll be there in a minute.” Her body ached, she couldn't move quickly. She sat up and then weakly stood, like a new calf, and stumbled toward the hall, down the staircase and toward the kitchen. Her steps were slow and faulty. “Hurry, Sarah!” Daniel screamed. She picked up her pace but on the cellar stairs she lost her footing in the darkness and went tumbling to the ground.

“Sarah, Sarah... are you all right?” Daniel bent over her. She put her head down into her hands and cried like a baby.

“Sarah, are you hurt?” Marion grabbed her.

“Yes, I'm hurt!” She cried out. “Everything I've got aches! Oh, Momma, I am so hurt!”

“Come, lie down on the cot. As soon as this storm is over we'll get you upstairs to bed and I'll fix you a cup of chamomile tea.” Sarah meekly stood, shocked to see the frantic expression on Marion's face and followed her to the cot. Was she, in this moment when Sarah needed it most, really being a mother to her? Was she actually reaching out and caring for her? The pain seemed to loosen its bitter grip on Sarah's heart in the warmth of loving emotions that swept over her. She had a mother and, for the first time, it felt like it.

The next morning the sun was brightly shining through her window, proving that the world had gone on; Sarah knew she would too. Her strength would return even though she was sore and aching now. Nathan could rend her body but he could not have her soul. She would never allow it. She would love, she would trust and she would go on to spite him!

The fall had given her a reason to rest and allow her body to heal. The bruises had turned dark overnight, but now she had no idea which ones were from Nathan and which from her fall and neither would anyone else.

Thoughts of Shane kept her strong. He would be there. He would be her protector. She did love him. She thought about his sweet face and loving arms picking her wounded body up from the ground. A tear rolled down her cheek as she whispered and gently touched the necklace. I love you John, but I need to get out of here! If you're alive or dead, I hope you understand this. I'm going to marry Shane and I'm going to love him with all my heart and he's going to love me and keep me safe.

Shane came by later in the day and they went for a long walk together. He put his arm around her and she leaned on him. The walk helped work out the soreness while being with Shane eased the pain in her heart. Why had she waited so long to accept his love? He was right, she had been a fool!

The next evening they went for a ride. It became a daily thing. Weeks passed as summer faded into fall. Sarah couldn't wait until the day they'd be married and she would be away from everyone. Her skin crawled when Nathan came over for visits and she was forced to sit there as if nothing had happened. She thought she would die the first time he came over after his vicious attack on her and Marion fussed over the scratches on her precious son. Where a thorn bush had supposedly whipped across his face while he was riding through the woods. Sarah had to run for Marion's doctoring supplies and watch her dabble and coo over his injuries. Sarah became so ill that she had to excuse herself and run to the outhouse to throw up. Marion assumed she was upset over his painful wounds. Sarah had to pour him water, serve him food, help feed his brats and smile while she did it even though she wanted to scratch his eyes out of his head. He was a monster... he was evil! She lived for the day that she and Shane would be married and have their own home. Then she would never, never, never have to tolerate Nathan again, never have to smile in his ugly face again. Never have to wait on him again!

When the news reached the Eastland plantation that Shane and Sarah were indeed a couple, Trissy's anger knew no bounds. So, she began spreading as many nasty rumors as she could about them. But that wasn't enough and no one seemed to truly care. She wanted Shane. Soon she became so depressed that she wouldn't leave her room, she just sat and stewed over the matter.

“What's wrong, my sweet?” William Eastland asked his daughter.

“Nothing, just leave me alone!”

“How can Pa help his little girl if she won't tell Pa what's wrong?”

“I'm in love with someone, but he doesn't love me.”

“Oh, who wouldn't love you, my precious? He must not know how you feel.” He stroked her cheek. “Who is this boy, anyway?”

“You wouldn't like him. You would probably forbid me to see him even if he did like me!” She flounced.

“Now how do you know I wouldn't like him? You haven't given me a chance to even know who he is.”

“You promise you won't get upset?”

“I promise, my darling girl.”

“Oh Pa, it's Shane Thompson. I love him so much!”

“Our overseer?” He looked shocked. “That Shane?”

“You promised you wouldn't get upset.”

“I'm not upset, precious. I just don't know why you'd choose him of all boys in this county who'd give their right arm to court you!”

“He's so handsome. I've liked him forever, but he likes that Sarah DuVal! I even tried to talk with him a while back and he just rode off and ignored me.” She began to whimper. “Like I wasn't even there! Like I was nothing!”

“Now, now. You know what I think, Sweetie? I think he's afraid to like you. He knows you're a class above him and he probably thinks I wouldn't approve.”

“He did say something about you getting upset if we talked and all.”

“See there. That's it. I'll just have a little talk with him and everything will be fine.”

“Oh Pa! Do you mean it?” She threw her arms around him. “You'd do that for me? You're the best Pa in the whole wide world!”

“Of course my sweet! As soon as I tell him that he has my blessing to court you he'll forget all about that ol’ DuVal gal! He'll be on you like a bee to honey.”

The next day when Shane came to work he was called up to the house. “You wanted to see me, Mr. Eastland?” Shane stood with his hat in his hands.

“Yes, yes. Do come in my boy, and sit down. Would you like a drink?”

“No, sir. I'm fine.” Shane sat down as he nervously clasped his hat in his hands. Something was going on and he felt it. Mr. Eastland was never cordial without a reason and today he was being downright giddy! Something was in the air, something wrong somewhere. What could Mr. Eastland possibly want from him?

“How about a smoke?” He offered Shane a cigar.

“No, but thanks anyway. Um, what did you want to see me about, sir?”

“You're a very lucky boy. Very lucky indeed!”

“Excuse me?”

“I know all about you and my Trissy.”

Shane jumped forward in his seat. “Sir? What are you talking about?”

“Now, now, Calm down, I'm not mad. I know you think I wouldn't approve, but after seeing how much Trissy cares for you, well, I just want you to know that you have my blessings to court her.”

“But Mr. Eastland, I'm engaged.”

“Oh, you can get out of that easy enough. It's only that DuVal gal. Her pa ain't got sense enough to make a fuss about it anyway, even if he does I'll take care of him. I know Trissy was your first choice and a right nice one she is!”

“But sir, I love Sarah, I don't want out of it.”

“Are you turning down the opportunity to be my Trissy's beau?”

“I guess I am.”

“Look, now. She's got her heart set on this. She really likes you and I'd treat you like a son.”

“I'm sure you'd all be kind to me, but... ”

“You know, my children will inherit everything I've got. What do you think you could do with a thousand dollars right now?” Mr. Eastland shoved a wad of money toward him.

Shane leapt to his feet. “I think this conversation has gone far enough.”

“Well, you don't need my Trissy, you don't need my money, then you won't be needing that job I gave you either, huh?” Mr. Eastland glared at Shane.

“No, sir. I won't. Good day.” Shane stomped from the room. He saw Trissy waiting by the front door.

“Did my pa explain everything to you?” She smiled coyly at him.

“He sure did.”

“Aren't you happy?” She giggled.

“Yes, I'm overwhelmed with joy not to be working here anymore!”

Trissy's face dropped as he stomped past her.

“Daddy!” She cried as she ran into the house.

Sarah noticed the faraway look in Shane's eyes as he drove her home that evening.

“You look like you're a million miles away.”

“Sorry. I've had a little setback today.”

“What was it?”

“I got fired.”

“Why?”

“Because that ridiculous pa of Trissy's wanted me to court her!”

“You're kidding!”

“No, he even offered to pay me to take her.”

“Those Eastlands really do believe they can buy anything, don't they? Her pa offering to buy her a husband. If it wasn't so sad, I'd laugh my head off!”

“Well, the saddest thing about it is that it's going to set back our plans a bit. I want a decent home to bring you to, but now I won't even have the money to buy the lumber.”

“Its fine, Shane. I'd be happy living anywhere with you. A sod house, a shack, a tent, a cave, a wagon, I don't care, I just want to be with you!”

“I want it to be nice for you, though.”

“Do all you men worry about foolish things like this? Does everything always have to be in place before you can have a life? I'm so sick and tired of waiting for perfection! Like I said, I don't care where we live, just that we live, Shane!”

“It won't be much longer, I promise. I just can't bear to take you from this finery to a tent or a cave or to my old shack. I want to bring you to a real home.” Shane stopped in front of the house and helped her from the wagon.

“You are going to stay a while and have supper with us?”

“I've got some chores to finish around my place. I'll be back in a couple of hours.” He smiled as he kissed her hand.

“I'll see you then.”

As Shane drove toward his place he saw Nathan coming. “Hey there, Thompson.” He stopped. “Just dropped Sarah off, did ya?”

“Yeah.”

“You two getting pretty lovey-dovey, huh?”

“What's that to you?”

“Ah, she's roped you in just like she did John. Sweet, dear John. Her true love.”

“Is there no end to your twisted thoughts, Nathan?”

“If I can think it you better believe Sarah's already done it.”

“You've got a big mouth. You'd better be careful who you use it on.”

“Oh, chilling! I'll be lookin’ over my shoulder night and day.” Nathan laughed loudly as he drove on.

It was a crisp autumn day and the leaves had coated the ground in a carpet of bright yellows and oranges as Sarah and Shane were going out for their daily ride. Shane seemed uneasy about something. “You're not still fretting over being fired today, are you?” Sarah asked.

“No .”

“You're acting different. You're not even looking at me. What's wrong?”

He slowed the wagon to a stop and looked at her. “Sarah, I need to know something. I hate to ask because it was that stupid Nathan who implied that there was a little more between you and John than a brother sister relationship. But I have to admit that I have thought it myself. Especially because of how you've been acting since you got home. That day at the stream, that seemed to be a little more than grieving for a brother. What went on between you and John?”

Sarah was dumbfounded. She'd always talked to Shane and Greta about John. “What do you mean?”

“Were y'all closer than brother and sister? That's what I want to know. I can take the truth.”

“The truth? Yes, you deserve that much.” She sighed. “I was in love with him and he was in love with me. But we never told the other. I never knew until he was gone. That's what kills me at times. Why he never let me know, why didn't I ever tell him?”

“I've heard things about you and John from Nathan. I didn't want to believe anything he said but seeing you and the way you act when you talk about him... John was the reason you wouldn't marry me when I asked you before?”

“Yes, I needed to put him behind me before I could move on, but my dear Shane, I have done that! I know now that I can't sit in that house and grieve for him forever. It's been a year. I want to be with people I love and who love me.” Sarah took the locket from her neck and placed it in his hand. Come with me.” Sarah stepped from the wagon. She took a stick, knelt down and dug a small hole. “Here.” She pulled him down in front of her, “Lay it here.” Sarah watched it glitter, just as it had the day John had placed it on her neck; it made her heart ache. She looked into Shane's eyes. “I can't bury John, but I can bury this. I just want to put everything behind me so that I can go on living. I love you.” Sarah touched his face gently, before she pushed the dirt over the locket. “John is buried now. That part of my life is over, I want to go forward now and you're the only one I want to go forward with.”

Shane pulled her to him and kissed her gently. “You know I have always loved you, Sarah. I'll love you ‘til the day I die.”

Chapter Nineteen

* * * *

The sun was hanging low in the sky as the evening mist began to settle over the hills. As John approached the house he saw that his mother had left the door open to let in the cool, crisp air, as she often did when she'd been baking. Even from here, he could smell the rich aroma of the bread and biscuits. His steps quickened. He flew over the threshold as he cried out. “Momma!”

She turned at the sound of his voice. “What?”

“Momma, I'm home!” He entered the kitchen.

“John!” Jennie and Bettie squealed as they leapt up from their seats at the kitchen table.

“It can't be... it can't be!” Marion clutched her chest.

He came closer so she could see that it was him.

“John! You're not dead! Oh John!” She ran to him. “My John is alive!” She began to cry.

“I'm fine, Momma! I'm just fine!”

“How?” She gasped through the tears of joy. “How... what happened?”

“It's a long story. Where's Sarah?” He looked around the room.

“She's out with her beau.” Betty smiled.

“W— what? Her beau?”

“Oh, yes, Shane Thompson. They're real sweet on each other!” Jenny informed him.

“When did this happen?” John's face went pale. He felt a sharp pain in his chest. This news was so sudden; so unexpected. The joy of being home was completely crushed.

“A few weeks ago. I think they're planning on getting married pretty soon though.” Marion reported.

“She loves him then?” John asked.

“Yeah! Trissy Eastland said she had seen them down in the woods hugging and kissing and carrying on with each other.” Jennie giggled. “Trissy is just green with envy. There's a rumor going around that her pa tried to pay Shane to marry her but he's too sweet on Sarah.”

“Hugging and kissing?” John's face was red with anger. He wanted to hit something! And that something was Shane Thompson!

“Oh, my boy! I dreamed that you'd come back and here you are! There was no way I could bring myself to believe you were dead. It was too awful to believe!” Marion held his face in her hands. Then, as though noticing the look of anger on his face, she asked, “Is something wrong, Dear?”

“Nothing, no! Nothing is wrong. Everything seems to be just wonderful here.”

“Well, sit down while I get you a drink and you can tell us what on earth happened to you.”

He felt odd as he sat down. He'd traveled so far to only to come back and discover that Sarah was finding comfort in the arms of another man. He felt like screaming out as Marion placed the drink in front of him. I don't want this damn drink, I want Sarah! Where is she? What is she doing

“Are you ready to tell us what happened?”

John tried to gain control of himself. He raked his hair back from his face and rested his head in the palm of his hands. “Where should I begin?” He sighed loudly. “I was in hiding.” He took a deep breath and looked up at his mother. “I had to wait until everything settled down before I dared come home. It's still not completely safe, that's why I didn't send a telegram or anything. They want me dead.”

“How did it ever get this bad? Why weren't you more careful?”

“I was careful, but sometimes even the best of us do slip up.”

They heard a wagon coming. Betty looked out the window “It's Sarah and Shane!” she sang out.

Sarah dreaded coming home that evening because she knew Nathan would be coming to supper. He had been coming every single night lately. Ever since that day in the cotton field. She was sure he came just to taunt her with his domineering presence.

“I had a nice time, Shane.”

“I did too. I don't know if I can come by tomorrow. I have some work to do around the place. Gotta get the castle ready for my Princess.”

“Please, Shane... don't call me that.” Sarah's neck hair prickled. “I like sweetheart much better.”

“That's fine with me, sweetheart.” He winked at her.

“Would you stay for supper? We can go for a walk after.” Sarah desperately hoped he would stay and help her tolerate the evening with Nathan.

“Sounds nice but I really have to be... ”

“Please, Shane.” She interrupted. “I really need you to stay.” She grasped hold of his hand.

“Fine, then, I will.” He hopped from the wagon and went around to help Sarah down. Just as she stepped onto the ground her eyes met with John's.

“Have a nice ride, dear?” His voice was as cold as ice. Sarah screamed before her head began to spin and she crumpled to the ground.

“Sarah, Sarah!” She heard Shane calling to her. She opened her eyes to see him, Marion, and John looking down on her.

“J— John?” She moaned in disbelief. “Is it you? Is it really you?”

“Yes, it's me. I'm here.”

“John!” she cried as she flung her arms around his neck. “You're not dead! You're not dead!” She cried so hard it was as if a roar was coming from deep within her chest. All of the pain was tearing from her body as John held her in his arms. Her cry wasn't only one of joy and relief, but also of deep sorrow and anguish. John seemed to feel it, as though he knew there was something more here. Something dark and sinister.

“What's wrong, Sarah? What's happened to you?” He looked into her face. “Come on. Let's get up from here.”

John helped Sarah to her feet but she was still weak. Her breaths were quick and short. “How? How? I thought, I thought you were dead.”

“I know... It's fine now. Everything is all right.”

“Oh, John!” She touched his face gently. “I, I love... ” She saw Shane standing there. His eyes glued to her. She could see the hurt in them. He seemed to be begging her not to say it. Don't say you love him... please don't say it! But she wanted to say it! She did love him... she did and she wanted to finally declare it to the world! But somehow Shane's look stopped her. “I've missed you so much.”

Jennie and Bettie still stood in the open doorway with their eyes stretched wide.

“Let's get in the house.” Marion ushered everyone in.

Sarah, held steady by John, walked inside. Shane followed them closely.

John sat Sarah down at the table. “Jennie, would you bring Sarah some water?” He asked.

“Yes, sir.!”

“What happened to you, Sarah?” John asked. “What's wrong?”

“I— I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead. I needed something, someone of my own, I thought you were dead!”

“Don't worry, I understand. Don't worry about anything anymore! I'm here.”

Sarah sipped on the water. She looked into John's face and then Shane's; they were both staring back at her. Their eyes seemed to plead with her to choose one of them over the other. Her heart ached. She could not bear hurting either of them because she loved them both desperately.

She closed her eyes to shut out their glares. What am I going to do now? Oh, Dear Jesus, what am I to do?

Chapter Twenty

* * * *

That evening, right on time, Nathan came proudly lumbering into the house with his brood of children. But his face quickly went pale when he saw John sitting there in the parlor. Sarah smiled at him vindictively. She loved seeing the horror in his evil eyes. She wanted to laugh at him and point and ridicule his fear. She did not take her eyes off Nathan, lest she miss a moment of his shock, discomfort and nervous fear.

“W— What's this?” he stuttered.

“John's back.” She looked into Nathan's eyes and glared at him. “I feel as if I called for him loud enough and he came back to me.” Everyone looked at her blankly, not knowing what she meant. But Nathan knew and he also knew and she could see that he also knew she was enjoying his discomfiture.

“How? What happened? We thought you were dead for sure.”

“It's a long story, and I've told it about fifteen times today.” John said. “I'm back now, just believe what you see.”

They sat down for supper. Sarah glared at Nathan every now and then, gloating. Oh, how she enjoyed it! How she loved torturing him. The torturer was now being tortured! Nathan knew that all she had to do was tell John what he'd done and he would be a dead man. Sarah could almost see his thoughts. But, Sarah would never tell. She didn't want to hurt John that way nor see him hung for killing this vermin. Yet she would hold it over Nathan's head and taunt him with the possibility every chance she got. Oh, yes she would!

After supper, Shane played his harmonica while Jennie and Bettie danced.

When he began to play ‘Beautiful Dreamer’ John went to Sarah. “Come on and dance with me.” John held out his hand towards her.

“What?” Sarah looked at Shane.

“Dance with me! Come on, let's show them your big city moves!” he grinned. “Remember the ball, that night we first danced?” He looked into her eyes.

She did remember. Did he think she would ever forget? She took his hand. They danced as they'd done that night in Mr. Tyson's grand ball room until Shane's tune began to falter.

Shane put the instrument in his breast pocket. “I've got to get some air.” He left the room.

Sarah knew he was upset and followed him outside. “I'll come with you.” She grabbed her wraps and went out the door.

John sat in a chair next to the window and watched them as they talked.

Nathan came over and sat beside him. “Nice boy that Shane... shame he's been caught by that one.”

“What do you mean?”

“You honestly think he'd give her the time of day if he knew she was a savage?”

“Nathan, don't start! Please. I don't need this. I've just got home. Give me some peace.”

“Come on, John. It's all in fun.”

John suddenly recalled that day so long ago. A soldier dangling a Cherokee baby by its foot, It's all in fun, he'd said.

“That's not fun to me.” John looked out the window to see Sarah and Shane walking and holding hands. He'd waited too long. He'd lost the most precious being in his life. His darling Sarah was in the arms of another man!

“It's such a beautiful night.” Sarah stared up at the stars.

“It is,” Shane answered then he blurted out, “What's going to happen now? What's going to happen with us? Are you going to marry me?”

Sarah felt her heart sink. She didn't know what to say. “I'm sorry, Shane. You know I can't say yes... not now.”

“I thought you said that you loved me and that all this was behind you!”

“I did say that and I do love you. It's just that John's back, he's not dead. How can you expect me to make a clear decision right now? It's unfair.”

“You aren't saying no to me though, are you?”

“No, I'm saying I have to think it over. I don't know what to do. You know how I feel about you and John.”

“I love you, Sarah. Remember, I've never left you, and I never will.”

“I love you too, Shane... and I know. Thank you for that.”

“I suppose I'm going to head on home. I know you and your family have a lot to talk about.” Shane slapped his hat on his head and started towards his wagon.

Sarah stood alone for a while. She looked into the night sky, at the stars glittering overhead. A faint sound of crickets chirping soothed her. Sarah touched the spot on her chest where the locket use to hang. Oh my God, the locket! We buried the locket! Just then she heard footsteps coming up behind her. She turned and saw John.

“Sarah,” he spoke softly.

“John.” She turned her face from his and looked back towards the sky. “Isn't it a beautiful night?”

“Yes, but Sarah, I didn't come out here to talk about the weather or the beauty of the night.”

“What do you want to talk about?” She knew what it was about, but now, she didn't want to talk about it.

“There's something I should have told you a long time ago.”

“I know. You're in love with me. Doug told me. And John, I loved you too. There was a time when I would have given anything to hear you tell me your feelings but not now. Now it's like a curse or a cruel joke. Shane was here for me when I needed someone most. He helped me through some hard times. I thought you were dead.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes. Yes I do.” Sarah looked toward the ground.

“You don't love me anymore?” John looked wounded to the core.

Sarah turned to him quickly. “You know that I'll never stop loving you! Never!”

“When I got back here and I found out that you were with that man, I wanted to be dead! I wish I had died.”

“John, don't say stuff like that! I almost lost my mind several times over the past few months, and if it hadn't been for ‘that man’ you would have come back to a woman slobbering in the corner, not knowing day from night! He's been here. He's helped me. He's loved me. Oh, John if you only knew what I've been through, if you only knew you would be thanking Shane a million times over for what he's brought me through! That is, if you love me at all you'd thank him.”

“I know I have no right to be angry, but I can't help it. I love you. I'm so angry right now I could hit Shane.”

“I'm angry too! I'm angry about a lot of things. I've never been so angry and bitter in my life! For the first time in my life, I can't get this hate out of my heart. I don't want to get this hate out. I want to hate... it almost feels good to hate! My jealousy of Tad was nothing compared to the hatred I have now.” She trembled in anger her words were bitter and crude. Her simple, loving innocence smothered in this venom she spoke.

John walked toward her. “What's wrong? What's happened to you?”

“A lot has happened to me. And still more is about to happen to me,” she snapped.

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm just so tired of being hurt. When I saw you tonight, I didn't know what to feel. I wanted to run to you and feel you holding me close, but then thoughts of Shane kept me from it. You think you're bitter, John? You don't know what bitter is. I've been through hell and now I have to hurt one of you and I love you both dearly. Why couldn't you have come back sooner? Why now, John? Why couldn't it have been four weeks ago? Just four weeks! Four little weeks! Damn it, John! Damn it!”

He grabbed her by her arms. “Do you want me to leave?!”

“No, no I don't. I don't ever want to go through this again. I've buried and said good bye to you forever once already. I don't ever want to do that again.”

“Well, what do you want? I can't rewrite the past.”

“I've always wanted you. You must know that you were the one I've always wanted. The one I've always cried for. The one I've always longed for. But things change and now I don't want to hurt Shane. I love him dearly. Now my heart also calls to him!”

“Sarah... ” John looked deep into her eyes as he edged closer to her and gently took her face in his hands. “There will never be a time that I don't want you. You are like the sun and the moon to me. You are my breath and life's blood, I can't live without you.”

“You were my sun and moon and I had to learn to live without you. Every day was a struggle to survive. Shane saw it because he was there. I would break down and cry all of a sudden when I remembered something you and I did together or when I'd picture your face. I'd touch the locket and cry. Finally, I buried it. A sort of funeral for you. I was ready to move on and try to build a life. I wanted to smile more and cry less. I wanted to be safe and loved again. And oh, God, how I wanted out of here!”

“I'll take you anywhere you want to go. I'll do anything you want me to do. I love you and I want you to be my wife.” He took her in his arms. How long she'd waited for this moment! It felt so wonderful to finally feel him holding her but she pushed away.

“No, John. I can't do this. I can't say yes while I'm so confused. You both need to give me time. This is too much to take in.”

“I'll wait. I'll give you all the time you need. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to be here for you.”

The next morning, while Sarah was gathering eggs, she saw Shane cutting through the fields. She walked to meet him. He looked tired and haggard, as if he hadn't slept at all. Her heart yearned to ease his mind, to tell him that she would marry him, But now John pulled at her heart too. Her mind was in such turmoil she felt like running from them both.

“Thought you weren't coming today.” She looked at Shane inquiringly.

“I changed my mind. I wanted you to go for a walk with me this morning.”

“Just a minute. Let me put the eggs up and take off this apron.” Sarah walked slowly toward the house.

“I'll be back after a while,” she told Marion.

“It's awful early to start gallivanting. Where are you going?”

“Shane is waiting for me outside... we need to talk.”

“Why do you need to talk so early?”

“I don't know Momma, he just said he needed to.” Sarah knew why he'd come and that she'd have to be strong.

“Is this about John?”

“Why, what would John have to do with it?” Sarah tried to look nonchalant.

“I'm not completely blind nor am I dumb. It's plain as the nose on your face. You and John have always had a special relationship, but I never knew how special until he came back this time. I hope you're not planning on breaking your engagement with Shane for this nonsense. It's shameful, that's what it is!”

“Momma, it's really none of your business. This is between me, Shane and John.”

“Leave my son out of this mess! I just got him back. You and Shane should go on like you had planned it. Just marry him and leave us be.”

“'Leave us be?’ ‘Leave us be?’ What does that mean? You talk as if I'm an outsider or some sort of horrible curse that was visited on you all.”

“I didn't mean for it to sound like that. You and John will never work and I don't want any more pain for him or for me.”

“The last thing I want to do is cause anyone any pain. But someone is going to be hurt; that's life, Momma. There's no way out of it. I'll see you later.”

Shane held Sarah's hand in his as they walked slowly along the old trails they use to run and play on when they were children.

“Have you made a decision?” His question was almost a whisper. He asked as if he really didn't want to know.

“No, Shane... I haven't. I— I can't marry you right now.”

Shane stopped, jerked his hand free from hers and looked Sarah straight in the face. “Well, good for you. I wouldn't have thought the decision would have been this difficult for you, especially since you said that you loved me so deeply. I can't believe you. I really can't!”

“Shane! You know I do love you. If not this decision would be easy. What's so hard for me is the fact that I do love you desperately!” She'd expected bitterness, but his doubts of her feelings for him shocked her.

“What has that man ever done to make sure you were safe? He took you up north where you could have been killed too. He ran all over the countryside leaving you here with Nathan and a family who overlooked everything he did to you, while I did my best to protect you from him! And now, you are going put me on hold just because John has waltzed back into your life? How long will it last this time? A week, month, year before he leaves you crying again? Leaves you for me to put back together again! I'm just warning you, I may not be here the next time he tears your heart out.”

“Shane, don't do this to me! I'm sorry. I didn't plan for any of this to happen! But it did. I love you Shane, but... ”

“But, you love John more.”

“No, but I do love him. You knew that.”

“I have to go. Let me know when your head clears, if it ever does. I'm done playing this game.” Shane stomped off through the woods back towards his place.

“Shane wait... don't leave mad.” But he kept on going. Sarah walked home slowly. She didn't feel right. She felt sick... very, very sick.

John came in a few days later fairly bursting with happiness. “Come with me, Sarah.”

“Where to?”

“You have to see it! You just have to see it.”

“See what?”

“Just come on! It's a surprise.”

“All right, all right!”

John drove quickly out to the limits of town where the Simpson's house was. “There it is.” John pointed towards the white-washed farm house with a picket fence surrounding it.

“What?”

“Our new house! Should you come to your senses and marry me as you know you want to.”

“John, you didn't!” She felt repulsed.

“I did... I bought it today!” He smiled proudly.

“John, you didn't listen to a word I said!” she huffed bitterly. “You never should have made an important decision about our lives together without including me. I told you I haven't decided, and that I wanted away from here! If you had listened to anything I said you would have known better than this!”

“I thought you'd love it.”

Suddenly Sarah felt a wave of sickness come over her. Her face grew pale.

“Are you ill?”

“I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to be sick.” She clasped her hand over her mouth.

“Just take it easy.’ he wrapped her in his arms and helped her back to the wagon. “It was very foolish of me to buy a house without asking you about it first,” he agreed in disappointment.

The shaky ride toward home and the swaying motion of the wagon made Sarah feel even sicker. Her head swirled and her cheeks began to tingle. She knew she was going to be sick. “Stop!” She groaned. “I need to get out!” John pulled back on the reigns and Sarah leapt out even before the wagon had stopped. She ran to the bushes to throw up.

John rushed to her side. “Do you need a Doctor?”

“No, I think I just ate something that didn't agree with me. I feel fine now.”

“You look pale. I'm sorry if I upset you about the house. It was so thoughtless of me, but I thought it'd make you happy.”

“I'm fine.” Sarah rubbed her face in her hands. “Just please consult me before making big decisions about our life. I think we should be together on such things.”

“I understand what you mean. You're right.”

The next morning, Sarah couldn't even get out of bed. Her face was pale and she was purplish around the mouth.

“There's something wrong with her,” John insisted. “I'm going for the Doctor.”

“There's no use in wasting money on a Doctor for this. She just has a little upset stomach!” Marion threw her eyes toward the ceiling.

“Momma, I'm getting the Doctor. I know something is bad wrong with her.”

Sarah turned over in bed and the room began to spin. Everything got blurry and came back into focus. She felt the odd stirring in her stomach again. Her cheeks tingled and her mouth began to water. She swallowed hard but she knew it was futile. She crawled out of bed, pulled out the chamber pot and leaned over it. “Oh.” She groaned as she vomited. Her eyes watered. She smoothed the wet rag over her face that Marion had given her. She shoved the porcelain pot back under the bed to be cleaned later, then lay back down and closed her eyes.

Before she knew it, John was waking her. “Sarah,” He lightly shook her “wake up, the Doctor's here.” Then he turned and left the room as the doctor sat his bag on the bed.

John anxiously waited for the Doctor to come back and tell him what was wrong with Sarah while Marion went about doing the chores.

Suddenly, John heard Sarah cry out. “No, oh God no!” The blood curdling scream made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He felt the same odd feeling he'd felt that day when he'd come back home. Something eerie and dark was in her screams and it frightened him. He ran into her room. “What is it?”

“Are you going to tell him, or should I?” The doctor glared at Sarah.

“You tell him... I can't.”

“John, get your mother in here. This isn't something I want to say twice.”

John rushed into the yard calling for Marion. “Momma!” he yelled franticly. His mind raced. Something must be terribly wrong. Was the doctor going to tell them that Sarah was dying? All he knew was that it was something horrible.

“What is it?” Marion rushed to him.

“Something's wrong with her. The doc needs to see us both.” Marion walked quickly with John in the lead. When they were back in her room, he asked, “What's wrong with her Doc?”

“Sarah has sinned greatly.” The doctor shook his head in seeming disgust.

“What?” John's nostrils flared.

“She has committed the sin of fornication... and from that lustful act a bastard child has been conceived. Sarah is with child.”

“What, what are you saying?” John stepped toward the good doctor as if he were going to sock him dead in the face. “You can't be saying what I think you're saying!”

“Yes, I'm saying it plain out, Sarah is with child.”

John looked at Sarah. “I— Is this true?”

She saw the pain in his face; she couldn't take it. What did all this mean? Why was this happening to her? Being raped wasn't enough? She had to have Nathan's baby too, this evil thing growing inside of her? To see the pain in John's face made her want to die.

“Is this true?” John pounded the wall with his fists.

She looked away and shook her head as a tear fell.

“Who... who have you been with? Whose is it?”

“Stop it, John... please, Just stop.”

“Stop? Stop? You want me to stop? Did you ever think of asking him to stop? Who fathered your bastard?”

Sarah wanted so badly to tell him the truth, but she knew he'd kill Nathan and then he'd probably be hanged for doing it besides tearing the family apart. “Do you even know whose it is?”

“Yes, I know.”

“I bet I know too!” John quickly turned and rushed out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Marion called after him.

“To get Shane Thompson.”

“No John!” Sarah yelled, but he was gone. She tried to get up but another dizzy spell hit her and she fell back in bed. “Momma, stop him!”

“What has to be done has to be done.” Marion's words poured out over her cold, tight lips. “You belong with Shane Thompson. I'm not stopping a thing. Whatever happens is your own fault. You've been nothing but trouble to this family since the day we took you in! If I had known then what I know now it never would have happened.” She turned her head in disgust. “I wish I'd never laid eyes on you!”

“At least now I know where I stand,” Sarah retorted. “Thank you for finally coming out with it. All those years of confusion as I kept trying to believe I really did have a mother. It's good to finally have it clarified for me. You were never my mother and I was never your daughter. You made that plain enough, yet I kept hoping beyond hope that I was wrong and that you truly cared for me.” Sarah laughed bitterly. “I'm so very stupid!” She glared through tear rimmed eyes.

Marion said nothing more as she and the doctor slowly left the room.

John stomped towards Shane with a look on his face that was hardly friendly. “Well I suppose you pleased yourself!” John snarled.

“What are you talking about?”

“You enjoyed yourself, did you?”

“I don't know what you mean!”

“Well, here... let me help you out. Sarah's pregnant with your little bastard!”

Shane looked at John in shock. “Pregnant? T— that can't be!”

“It can be and it is!”

“You don't think I did it!”

“Who else was there?” John huffed.

“I don't know! But it certainly wasn't me!”

“Don't lie!” John grabbed him by his collar as rage boiled up in him at the thought of Shane leaving Sarah to bear his bastard child. “I'm picking you up in the morning, and you are going to marry Sarah, even if it's by the barrel of my Poppa's gun.”

“I'll gladly marry her! But it's not my baby.”

“We'll be here at eight in the morning. Be ready. And if you even think about running out on her, I'm warning you, I'll hunt you down and you won't live to see that bastard you've fathered!” John stomped away.

When John got home he went to Sarah's room. “Dizzy or not, you're getting married in the morning.”

“Really? To whom?”

“You know who... .Shane.”

“Is that what you want?”

“What I want? What I want was the woman I thought you were! Now that's gone!”

“John, please, you don't understand.”

“I learned a long time ago where babies come from, Sarah. I don't need nor do I want your explanation.”

“You don't care what happened?”

“No, I don't. You think I'm a fool, don't you?”

“No, John, just listen to me, I... ”

“What exactly did you think? Jesus, woman, I can't stand the sight of you!”

“Then leave me be; please, just get out!” Sarah turned over in her bed. She felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. A deep and fearsome anger had taken her over. If John had shown her any sign that he cared about what really happened, she would have told him. She wanted to so badly. She wanted him to know that she had not dishonored herself willingly. But he didn't care. Sarah felt that to him, it didn't matter how it happened... just that it happened. She was ruined, no good. A nothing! Her idol, her protector was nothing more than a dream conjured up from the mind of an abused little girl! And she, in his eyes, was a “little Princess” who had fallen from grace.

Chapter Twenty-One

* * * *

That night Sarah sat in the parlor alone absentmindedly thumbing through a catalog. She heard a light tap on the window and looked up to see Shane's face looking back at her.

“Come out here!” he demanded.

She walked outside. She reached out to him, but Shane pushed her away. “Is it true? Are you really pregnant?”

“Shane, don't push me away, please not you too. Don't shun me!”

“Answer me! Are you pregnant?”

“Yes.” Sarah dropped her head.

“Who's is it? I know it ain't mine! It can't be John's. Who's the third man here, Sarah?”

“What does it matter? You don't have to marry me. I'll just leave.”

“It matters a lot to me! I'm the one who loves you and I'm the one who's getting blamed for it!” Shane stepped toward her and his look softened. “I don't care whose it is. I love you. I just want to know what happened. I know It ain't mine. Something happened and I want to know what!”

“I can't tell you, Shane. I just can't. Let's just get married and forget how this happened.”

“You don't have to tell me. I'll never make you do anything you don't want to. I'll love you and I'll love your baby forever! It will be mine.”

Sarah walked through the door and was startled to see John sitting there.

“John, wh— what are you doing up?”

“Just wondering how many times a night you sneak out to meet your lover. Is that how it happened? You sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to meet him?”

“What? I'm a grown woman, John. I wouldn't have to ‘sneak out.’ If I wanted to go somewhere, I'd go. And that's far from how it happened.”

“Oh... well you two looked really sweet out there hugging under the moonlit night. So romantic it could even cause you to forget yourself and the one you claim to love.”

“Is there anything to prevent you from thinking I'm a loose woman? How else can a woman get pregnant? Think about it for a moment.”

“Sarah, go to bed... you've got a big day ahead of you. Tomorrow is your wedding day.”

“No matter, at least I'm marrying the man who truly loves me.” Sarah stomped out.

When she opened the door to her room Jennie was there. “I heard about what happened. I know you, Sarah. I know something isn't right. Did someone force themselves on you?”

“Yes, Jennie, someone did.” Sarah turned her face from her sister as she said, “I was raped!”

“Who did it? When Sarah? When? Why didn't you tell someone?”

“It was the day Shane found me down by the stream. I am so afraid to tell anyone! But I have to say something before I die! No one can know. There'd be trouble!”

“Tell me who it was!”

“I— it was Nathan, he raped me!” The words gushed from Sarah as she poured out all the sordid details for the first time.

“Oh, that vile monster! Shane needs to... ”

“No Jennie, I mean it. Don't ever tell him! If anything were to happen to Shane because of this, I'd never forgive myself nor the person who told him!”

Sarah didn't know it but Jennie wouldn't keep her word. If Shane didn't take a gun to Nathan, she would! After Sarah had gone to sleep Jennie flew to Shane's cabin. Out of breath she gasped. “Sarah was raped and I know who did it!”

“Who?” He grasped Jennie by her arms. “Tell me who it was!”

“It was Nathan! Sarah told me, she told me it was that day you found her, down by the stream.”

Shane's face fell. “I remember that day... she was lying crumpled at the water's edge... I thought she was crying over John again. She told me she loved me... oh, I thought heaven had opened up to rain down all its blessing on me. But all the time, my dear, sweet Sarah had just been violated in the worst way a woman can be violated by that spawn of pure evil! That bastard!” Shane felt sick and began to tremble. His square jaw clenched and his blue eyes flashed with fire as he declared. “I'll make sure he never hurts her again! Everything is going to end tonight!”

“I knew you would! Go get him Shane! Get him for me too!”

Shane cut through the woods leading to Nathan's place. His shotgun was loaded. He was ready. Arriving at Nathan's shack, he pounded on the door.

“Can I help you with something?” Nathan stuck his head out.

“Get out here, you low-down piece of scum!”

“Why should I get out there?”

“I want to talk to you about your sister.”

“Since when do people talk with shotguns in hand?”

“Do you want me to discuss what you did to Sarah in front of your wife and young'uns, or, are we going to go someplace private?”

Nathan stepped out of the house and strutted past Shane and into the yard. His cotton shirt was unbuttoned and flaring open in the evening breeze. His suspenders hung lose from his dirty, woolen pants. He was barefoot and chomping on a wad of tobacco. At the end of the drive, Nathan looked back. “Now, what's all this about?”

“It's about how you raped Sarah!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” He spat a stream of tobacco juice at Shane's feet.

“She's pregnant, you idiot!”

“Well, you're her beau, not me!”

“It's not mine! It's yours and you damn well know it!”

“And now, you've come over to avenge her by killing me, is that it? Save yourself the trouble, boy! She's not even good at that!” Nathan grimaced.

Shane charged him like a raging bull who had seen red. Nathan grabbed the gun with hardly any effort, then knocked Shane to the ground. “Never go up against me to defend a savage, boy! Bet you didn't know that, did ya?”

“Know what?”

“She's a savage Indian!” Nathan pointed the gun towards Shane's head. “Now where do you reckon I should put this shot? Right here in your head... ” He moved the barrel down to Shane's chest. “Or in that aching little heart of yours?”

Shane saw the hate in his eyes. “No, Nathan, please no!” Shane began begging for his life.

“Oh, I can't stand your whining no more!” Nathan coldly spat out the words before he put the barrel to Shane's head and fired.

Sarah hardly slept. The queasiness wouldn't allow sleep. By the time the sun came through her window she was ready to go. She just wanted to get this day over with and start living her life with Shane.

John pounded on her door before he flung it open. “It's time to go. I see you're all ready. Excited, are we?”

“Why shouldn't I be excited? Shane is a wonderful, caring gentleman. I truly love him, and to beat all, he loves me too!”

“Sure he is. A gentleman always beds the town slut, don't he?” John bitterly huffed. “Get your bags. The team is hitched and ready.”

“What took you so long? I've been ready for hours. I can't wait to get out of here!” She snatched her bag from the bed and stormed out.

When she and John got to Shane's place he was nowhere to be found. “He's run off!” John shouted. “That little punk of a weasel has run!”

“He wouldn't have done that. He loves me! Nothing is missing. There's his horse and wagon. Something isn't right!” Sarah's face went pale. She could hardly stand as her dizziness took over.

“Defending the little bastard maker, are we?” John scoffed.

“Something is wrong!” A deep fearful thought had crept into her mind and began to grow. Did Jennie tell him? Sarah ran toward the woods calling for Shane. She scrambled through the brambles and vines attacking them like a tigress. She must find Shane! John quickly followed as Sarah continued clawing her way through the woods while calling out with every breath. “Shane! Shane!” Just about that time, Sarah tripped over something and fell to the ground. John stood looking in horror as she turned to see Shane. Her lifelong friend lay dead, covered with leaves and tree limbs. His rifle on the ground next to him. Sarah crawled toward him crying. “Oh Shane, no! Not you! Not you! Stay with me... you said you would never leave me! You promised me!” She put her arms around him. “I love you Shane! I do, I love you!”

John pulled at her. “He's been shot, Sarah! He's dead.”

“No, no, no... he can't be dead! Shane, Shane... get up! Don't be dead! Please don't be dead!”

“Come on Sarah, come on.”

She fought against him as he pulled at her. “We can't leave him like this! We can't just leave him!” She cried. “Bring him with us!”

“There's nothing we can do. Come on! I'll come back for him. I need to get you home. You shouldn't have to see this.”

“Greta, oh what about poor Greta?” she wailed as thoughts raced through her mind as to what had happened. “He must have found out! I never should have said anything!”

“Said what?” John looked puzzled!

“Someone must have told him who the father was. It wasn't him, John. He knew he had never been with me!” Sarah wailed. “There was someone else.”

“I accused the wrong man? And you let me? Why didn't you tell me?” John backed away from her. “I accused an innocent man over you! Oh my God, then there was a third? Good Lord, Nathan was right... you're nothing but a heartless savage!”

John had joined ranks with Nathan. Dear Shane was gone. His words echoed through her mind. I may not be here the next time he rips your heart out! She collapsed to the ground.

Sarah woke up in her bed. She heard Daniel, Marion and John talking. “I don't want her in this house anymore.” Marion spit out the words.

“Well, where would you have her go, Marion? Are you just going to put her out?” Daniel questioned.

“I know of a place we can send her. I don't care who the father is. I don't care if he does right by her. I don't ever want to see her again,” she heard John grumble.

“That's exactly how I feel about it, son!” Marion agreed.

“You two are acting like she's an evil monster! My God, she's our child, our daughter... she made a mistake!” Daniel attempted to defend her.

“And now a man is dead because of her little mistake, as you put it,” Marion snapped.

Sarah saw her suitcase sitting on the floor, still packed. Everyone here hated her and when Greta found out about Shane she would hate her too. It was time... time to find out where she belonged. She did not belong here. She took a deep breath and picked up the bag. She stepped from her room and saw John, Marion and Daniel standing in the hallway. John looked away from her, and for the first time... she didn't care! She walked into Daniel and Marion's bedroom to where they kept the money jar. She opened it and took out five dollars.

“What are you doing?” Marion stood in the doorway.

“I'm taking half of the money I put into this jar. I contributed ten and I'm taking five. That sounds fair to me.” Sarah stomped from the room.

“What are you going to do with it?” Marion followed her down the hall.

“I need money for my trip.”

“Your ‘trip'? Where are you going?” John looked at her.

“Away from here... I've caused you good people enough pain and trouble. It's time I move on.”

“Where will you go?” Daniel asked.

“West.”

“To the Indian's territory?” Daniel questioned.

“Maybe, I don't know exactly. Not yet. But I know there has to be something out there for me. Something good.” She looked at John. “And maybe, just maybe I am a heartless savage. Lord knows, you have taught me not to feel a thing. I feel nothing... no pain, hurt, sorrow or love. Thank you for taking those pesky little emotions from me. Now I can be as you and your precious brother... cold, bitter, mean and cruel. Good bye and God forgive both you and Nathan, for I never will!”

John looked ahead, not saying anything. Sarah glared into John's eyes then smirked, “You're brand of faithfulness is about as sure as fresh water in a drainage ditch.” She walked past him. The wind from her body brushed over him as she smartly whisked past and down the stairs. He started after her, but stopped as he reached the front door. He just stood and watched her go, as though helpless to follow his desires until a roar of anger ripped from his throat.

“You go, leave here and never let me set eyes on you again! I hate you, do you hear me, I hate you!”

Tears filled Sarah's eyes as she walked toward the main road. “I will not look back! I will have no regret. I demand that my soul have no fear!” She boosted her spirit. She didn't know what lay ahead but each step gave her the strength to take the next and the next. “I will find my own way in this world and I will find it by this, the trail of my people.”

She reached the main road and looked to the west. Resolve exploded over her face as the great trail loomed before her. The trail where her people suffered so much and cried so bitterly. The trail where the Cherokee rose sprang forth. She looked toward the sky. “It's time we finished it, Mother. It's time we find out where we belong.” With a deep breath she started on this journey toward her future. Suddenly she felt a presence with her... not just one, but many. They seemed to be urging her on. All of the ones who hadn't made it. The ones who had died along the way sang to her spirit. She felt them with her. Each step became more sure. Each step washed away some pain. She smiled as she walked onward to finish what they had started so many years ago. “I can hear your song, Mother. I can hear you all!” Peace washed over her as she smiled, “Your Sehoya is coming home!”

In this moment she knew the spirits of her people were with her, surrounding her, loving her, protecting her and Sarah was unafraid.

Chapter Twenty-Two

* * * *

The hunt was on for the person who had murdered Shane Thompson. Every day more and more fingers were pointing to John. After all, they had been in a huge fight the very day that Shane was killed.

Marion walked somberly into John's room. His back was toward her as he stood packing his bag that lay open on the bed. “So, you're running again, my son. I suppose I'd rather have you running than being hung for a murder that you didn't commit.”

“I thought maybe Mr. Tyson could help clear me of this.” He spoke blankly, never turning to look at Marion. His voice had taken on a darker tone of late. “Either way, they'll never find me to hang if I go there.”

“That blasted Sarah! She's destroyed our family.”

“Hmm, the way I see it, Momma, there wasn't much of one to destroy.” He jerked his bag from the bed and turned toward her. “I brought myself up from a fifteen year old boy because you nor Poppa could control Nathan. That began way before Sarah ever crossed our threshold.”

“I can't believe you'd speak to me that way! Never would I have thought it.” Marion began to sob.

John looked blankly into her face. “Momma, I can't feel guilt right now. I can't feel anything but anger, so all the tears and the outrage are for naught. Tell Poppa bye for me,” he coldly snapped as stomped from the room. Speechless, Marion fell like a stone onto John's bed as she watched him go. Time seemed to stand still. John's cutting words swirled through her head, finding no place to rest, nowhere to find comfort in reason, or in doubt, that what he'd said wasn't true.

John gazed out the window as the train rushed down the tracks. He looked at the seat across from him and suddenly there was a vision of Sarah, smiling and bright, her face oozing with anticipation of the new adventure to come. “Everything is going by so fast. it's a fun and excited feeling!” He heard her speak to him. He quickly shook himself lose from that memory. There were many times over the coming weeks when he thought of Sarah... but he quickly brushed it aside. Then She started coming to him in his dreams. He'd wake up calling out her name. If only he could stop loving her. If only he could forget about her! Why should he be haunted by her memory? Why should he feel wrong and guilty? She was the whore, the liar, the savage! He had to forget her, she was not innocent, sweet Sarah... she was a temptress, jezebel, a harlot with Shane Thompson's blood on her deceitful hands! The more she haunted his dreams the more he despised her. He had to cut this part of his life out of his heart like a bad spot from an apple, ream it out, and the knife he used to sever her memory was that of bitterness and hate.

Sarah was about fifty miles east of the Mississippi River now. The days were warm but the nights were chilly. She'd lay by the firelight using her shawl for cover, her head resting on her bag. She noticed her stomach starting to bulge a bit. Then one night, she felt an odd flutter. Then it happened again. The baby was moving! “You know little one, I've not even thought of you.” She rubbed her hand over her belly. “I pray that if I'm to have you that I will love you. I know it's not your fault. Still, I fear I will hate you.” Sarah looked to the sky, “Lord, let me see this child as mine and not Nathan's. If I'm to have it, let me adore it... every child, no matter who is it, deserves to be adored by the one they call, Momma.”

Sarah consoled herself. She thought of the future. “I will Find a place to stand on my own with people who care about me for who I am.” She brushed her hand gently over her stomach. “I will make a life for this child too and we will build a home together, somehow. It deserves that much.” After this night, she found herself talking to the baby most all the time. This little one became her link to reality. She thought of how it would love her. How it would look up to her and trust her. “Maybe you're a blessing in disguise.” She smiled. “It's me and you against the world now. We have to be in each other's corners. There's no one else on earth for us.”

The days blurred in her mind as she trudged diligently toward the west, not knowing where it would end, but knowing that she must keep walking. There was an end, she just knew it in her heart. Her people were out there calling to her, urging her onward to find her place in this life.

She came through a small town and bought a piece of salt meat and a few eggs. Then she got a blanket and skillet. “I haven't been eating right, little one. I know I must eat for you too.” She'd been living off nothing but soda crackers for the past two weeks. That couldn't be good for the baby but, she hadn't really felt like eating. She was just now getting some sort of an appetite back. For the first time in weeks, she felt it... she was hungry. The smell of the meat and eggs made her mouth water. “You're in for a treat, little one. Momma is about to eat!” She smiled down at her stomach. The smell was overpowering and made it hard for her to wait. When the meat was done enough, she placed the skillet on the ground in front of her and like a starved animal, she devoured the food.

The weather turned bitter cold. So cold that the heat from the fire wouldn't reach Sarah no matter how close she sat to it. She gathered her blanket around her as she shivered in the open night. “I bet you're nice and warm in there, little one. You just rest, Momma will keep you safe. By the time you get here, I'll have a house for you with a cradle and plenty of blankets. Not that we'll need many blankets in June, but you're still going to be little when the cold weather comes around again. We need a rocking chair too. I'm going to rock you to sleep every night with a lullaby. I don't sing very well, but I'm sure you won't mind. For most children, it's enough to just be in their mother's loving arms. It would have been enough for me anyway.” Sarah felt as if she were going to cry. “Well, it's time we get some sleep.” She snuggled under her blanket next to the fire and placed her hand over the little bulge in her belly. She felt it fluttering. “Rest now, little one. We've got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Sarah was awakened by a sharp pain in her back. It reached around to her front. Soon another wave of pain swept over her. She screamed out into the coldness of dawn. “Dear Lord, what's happening, don't take the little one! I need you little one! Please hang on... just hang on. I'll rest for a few days... you'll be fine. Just don't leave me. Please don't leave me.” Another wave of pain made Sarah bite into her lip until blood filled her mouth from the gash it caused.

The baby came despite her pleas. It was so small it fit in the palm of her hand. She saw its tiny arms and legs. Its small face. “Oh, how I would have loved you!” She cried. “I would have loved you! I did love you!” She cried out again. It was almost too much for her to bear. Should she just give up, lay down here and die with her child? Would anyone ever miss either one of them? “What is there to be strong for now?” She felt empty... like a big chunk of herself was missing.

“How much pain and suffering is one person supposed to bear? God tell me... what am I supposed to do now?”

A soft gentle breeze whispered around her and she felt it again. The presence that had been with her from the start. It seemed to say to her: ‘finish it... go on. Your life is just ahead. You're going to find it. Don't quit now.’

Sarah made a cradle of leaves and gently laid the child down and pushed the dirt around it as if she were wrapping it in an earthen blanket. The tears streamed down her face. She took a deep breath and rose to her feet. Something urged her onward. “I will not give up!” She stood and walked away. A stream of sorrowful tears trailed behind her as she purposefully faced the west.

The cold winds and the aching in Sarah's heart slowed her steps. She was not making as much ground as she had been. The cold winds whipped around her and chilled her to the bone.

She stumbled to her knees. “If I must go on,” she prayed, “I need some help... I don't know how much longer I can do this. Have mercy, help me! I won't lose faith... but when does this end? I'm so very tired and cold and I hurt, God... I hurt so bad in my heart and body.”

As if in answer to her prayers she heard the sound of a wagon coming. She staggered upright as it pulled beside her and stopped.

“Are you all right there?” The man's voice was muffled from all the layers of wraps about his face. Sarah could see nothing but his dark compassionate eyes as they stared down at her.

“I'm trying my best to be all right, but I fear I'm going to die before I get to where I'm going.”

“Is that right? Well, where you headed?”

“Um, west.”

“I'll do everything I can to save your life. I'd hate to see ya die right here on this cold road. I'm on my way to Marion, Arkansas If you want to tag along.”

That name shocked her. “Where?” Sarah asked.

“Marion, ever heard of it? It's about twenty miles on the other side of Memphis. In Arkansas.”

“No. That's an odd name for a town.”

“Well, that's the name of it. You gonna ride with me?” His voice radiated its warmth to her.

“Yes, thank you! That would be wonderful! I'm so cold and tired.”

“Well, hop on in!” He held his hand out to help her. His eyes twinkled warmly. Sarah grasped hold of his hand with all her might and suddenly a new strength rushed into her being. She felt as if he were pulling her from a raging river that was about to sweep her beneath its mighty currents.

She sat shivering with her blanket tightly wrapped around her. The young man looked over as she grasped at the corners of her cover. “You don't even have a coat, do ya? If you'd like, you can sit back yonder in the covered part, it'll cut the wind some. It's a bit warmer back there for sure.”

“Yes, something between me and this horrid wind would be heavenly!” Sarah immediately began to work her way into the back of the wagon.

“There's lots of covers and quilts there to keep you warm. I've even got a bed roll back there you can crawl in.” The boy yelled for the horses to get up as Sarah gathered the covers around her and snuggled down under the bunch of quilts as the wagon gently rocked her. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep and was in a most beautiful, warm and sunny place. She was happy. Many people were there who loved her and whom she loved back. She knew all these people.

Everyone was smiling. There was no bitterness, no hurt... nothing but pure love and peace. She danced in the warm sunlight with a crown of dew-sprinkled white flowers in her hair. She heard a gentle voice, whispering, from great sorrow comes the purest beauty. Dance, my sweet Sehoya... dance

“Wake up.” She felt the boy shaking her.

“Where am I?” Sarah jumped awake.

“Just out of Memphis. Thought you and I could use a bite to eat before we cross the Ol’ Muddy.” He smiled. His kind eyes sparked with light. He had a glowing olive complexion with hair thick and dark.

“The ol’ muddy what?”

“The Mighty Mississip.”

“Oh, I see. Yes, I would be grateful for a bite. I haven't eaten since yesterday. Or maybe the day before that. I don't remember.”

The boy handed her a plate of baked potatoes and bread. Sarah tore into it with both hands. “So, where exactly are you headed?” The boy asked as he sat on a crate across from her.

“I don't know... Just west.” She talked with a full mouth.

“You don't know?” He looked at her strangely as he handed her a bowl of butter.

She swallowed the food before she answered. “I'm just seeing where this road leads me.” She shrugged as she spread the butter thickly over her bread.

“I see. You're in a bit of trouble, huh?”

“No trouble, just searching.”

“For what?”

“For where I belong.”

Sarah took another bite of the food. It filled the empty spot in her belly, but not her heart.

“By the way, we didn't really get a chance out there in the cold to introduce ourselves, my name's Peter Rush... what's yours?”

“Sarah.”

“Sarah what?”

“Just Sarah... I have no last name. I have no family.”

“Orphan. huh?”

“Yeah... I'm an orphan.”

“Nice to have you along for the ride, orphan Sarah.” Peter smiled at her warmly.

“Nice to be here. You just don't know how that cold was cutting into me.”

“I have an idea.” Peter popped the last bit of bread in his mouth and swiped his hands on his thick brown coat. “Guess it's time we get started again.”

It was so wonderful talking to someone again, she hated that their lunch was over so soon.

“When I get home you should stay with me and my Ma until this weather breaks. I know she'd be glad to have you.”

“Is there room for me?”

“Oh, yeah... we have an extra room now since my brother Paul moved out. I'm the only one left at home. The place is small, but like Ma says, ‘that which is small and cramped makes us closer.'” He chuckled.

Sarah smiled. “Well, if I won't be imposing. It would be nice to sleep indoors for a change.”

“No trouble at all. Ma will be happy to have you. So will I.”

“Thank you, Peter, so much!”

“Oh, you're welcome. A young lady like you shouldn't be out walking in weather like this. You don't even have a good winter coat.”

“Good thing you came along when you did.”

“Good thing indeed!” He smiled at her before he wrapped his face again and crawled back up front. “Get up, now.” He yelled as he whipped the reigns.

Sarah snuggled back under the covers as the wagon's swaying motion relaxed her. She closed her eyes and just lay there not thinking of anything for a while. She didn't want to remember the past. She didn't want to remember John. She didn't want to think about what had happened to Shane. She didn't want to think of anything but the future. Where would she go? What was she going to do when she got there? Teach? Perhaps she could get her teacher's certificate. She could earn a decent living that way and get a small place to live. This would be her new beginning.

They approached the river and Sarah raised up and looked out as Peter fought to get the horses and wagon onto the flat-bottomed ferry. She fell as it lunged left then right then left again the horses whinnied and the wagon bounced as it rattled across the wooden planks. A man called out. “Your wheels are too close to the edge! Move her up a little dab!” Again the wagon lunged forward. “Whoa there now! That's fine.”

Sarah pulled herself up, the icy cold river rushed about them as the ferry carried them slowly across towards the Arkansas border. The water was a muddy brown color... certainly not like the crystal clear waters of the mountain stream back home. As they pulled up on the western bank Sarah breathed deeply. “Good bye, Tennessee... good bye forever!” She lay back and remembered the wonderful dream and smiled as she drifted back into a sweet and peaceful sleep.

“Sarah... we're here.” Peter shook her awake. She rubbed her face and raised up.

“I can't believe I fell asleep again! I must have really been exhausted.”

“Quick, come on in the house where it's warm.”

She threw back the covers and felt the bitter cold attacking her body. She quickly followed Peter into the house. It was not a mansion, but it was pretty and well-maintained. Much larger than a plain cabin for sure and it was nice and cozy. A fire blazed from the fire place.

“Ma, I'm home!” Peter called out. “And I've brought company.”

Sarah saw a kindly looking woman with cheerful eyes enter the room. Her hair was neatly pinned back and she wore a gingham dress with a crisp clean apron to protect it. “Welcome home!” She hugged Peter then looked at Sarah. “Who's this little lady?”

“This is Sarah, Ma. She's on her way west and I gave her a ride. I told her you wouldn't mind her staying with us for a spell.”

“Of course not!” Her smile seemed to light up the room. This glowing smile must be a natural trait of the Rush family, Sarah thought. “Supper is almost ready. Why don't you show Sarah to the guest room so she can freshen up?”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Sarah asked.

“No, no. Just make yourself at home, child. The one thing I'm strictest about is letting people into my kitchen. By the way, my name is Nora.” She held her hand out to Sarah.

“Thank you for letting me stay, Nora.” Sarah shook her hand.

“You're most welcome. Now, the both of you, go get cleaned up for supper.” She shooed them with a quick wave of her hand.

The talk around the dinner table was lively. Peter told of his travels and all that had happened on his way to Tennessee. He was a shipper who delivered goods all over the south. Sometimes he was on the road for weeks at a time.

“You know what you should do, Sarah, wait until I head west. I always have to take a load of cotton seed into Tulsa in the spring.”

“I don't think I could stay around that long.”

“Why? Are you in some kind of a hurry?” Nora asked.

“No, it's just that I don't want to impose myself on you all... I don't want to take advantage or wear out my welcome.”

“That's impossible! We love to have people around. We're stuck out here with precious few neighbors. It would be nice having someone here with me.”

“Well, I would like to wait till there's another warm spell, if you truly don't mind. It gets awful cold out there.”

“Sure, stay as long as you'd like! You know you're welcome here.” Sarah could feel the warmth and love reaching out to her from these strangers. She noticed the cross-stitched wall hanging of Nora's saying , God Bless This House That Which is Small and Cramped Makes Us Closer. She smiled as she read it.

“I do like it here.”

After dinner Nora read the Bible aloud in front of the fire. Sarah listened to the sound of her calming voice reading from Psalms. The verses were so lovely and Nora read them with such skill.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty... ”

Nora didn't read from just her mind or voice, she read from her heart. She filled each word with love and poured them out into the room where they reached into one's soul. Sarah felt them creating a fire in her heart, a fire that she thought was dead. Dare she let that fire live again? Dare she bring it back to life, just to be put out again? Hurt again? Stomped again? But the words ‘In You will I trust’ rang through her body. “Trust.” She spoke softly.

“Did you say something?” Nora looked at her.

“No, I'm just getting tired. I think I'm going to turn in.” The thought of sleeping in an actual bed did make her eager to lie down.

“Well, I hope you sleep well. If you need anything, just let me or Peter know. There's extra quilts in the bureau in your room.”

Every once in a while the words, ‘In You will I trust’ filled Sarah's heart and mind. Trust in God, not in man! She smiled to herself as she lay in the soft, warm bed. “In you, my God will I trust!”

It was warm the rest of that week, but when the cold hit, it hit hard. The rain poured and the winds howled. Sarah looked out the window at the tiny ice crystals that swirled in the bitter wind. She was glad that she had taken Nora and Peter's advice and waited. The wrath of this winter storm would have been her undoing. Soon the snow began to fall.

“Oh dear! This is a devil of a storm!” Nora shivered. “Come, sit by the fire with me! I'm so glad you stayed here. If you hadn't, Peter and I would have to be out in this infernal mess looking for you. But now we can go in the kitchen and make a hot stew for supper. Come on, let's get the potatoes peeled.”

“But I thought you didn't like people in your kitchen.”

“Well, something tells me that you're different.” She cheerfully winked at Sarah.

With each passing day, Sarah felt more and more a part of this family. There was a sense of belonging and true compassion. She was starting to feel like this was more than just a short stop along the way. But she couldn't get too attached, she had to leave one day soon. Or, maybe, just maybe, she could get a job somewhere around these parts and a place here too, close to Nora and Peter.

The next morning was overcast and dreary. The wind howled around the house making whistling and ghostly, moaning sounds.

“Good morning.” Sarah said as she entered the kitchen and saw Nora stirring over the grit pot.

“Sit down. I have a nice warm breakfast for you. It's so pleasant to have someone here to share it with. Winter is a lonesome time anyway you slice it.”

Sarah looked around. “Where's Peter?” she asked.

“He's on the road again. He lit out right after cramming a biscuit down his neck. He said the weather was clear enough for him to get somewhere.” Sarah sat down and looked over the table. There were hot biscuits, butter, sausage and applesauce. Nora placed the steaming-hot grits on the table as she sat down across from Sarah.

“Pass me a biscuit and get you some of these hot grits.” She smiled. “I'm telling you, I'm getting so attached to you it's like I've known you all my life. I hate to think about spring coming and you leaving us, even though I am longing for some sunshine and warm weather on my bones. Now, what exactly do you have to leave for? I have to say it, you're a bit of a mystery to me and I've tried not to pry. But it looks like I'm gonna have to, you won't volunteer even a tidbit of reason of why you can't just stay here. You say you've got no family, nowhere to go and nowhere to be.”

Sarah was taken aback, Nora asking her to stay was like a great gift that she didn't know how to accept.

“I-I'm looking for something,” she stammered.

“Like what?”

“Where I belong... a home.”

“I see. Why out west? Why wouldn't this home work?”

“That's where my real people were headed when I was born. I want to see if I can find my people and if I can belong somewhere. I've never fit in anywhere. I've always felt like I was a four cornered block being forced into a round hole.” Norah looked at her strangely. Her eyes intently studying Sarah's face. “Is something wrong?”

“You look so much like someone I knew, Dear. I see something in you... a pain in your eyes.”

“Everyone has some pain in their lives. I'm no different from anyone else, I don't suppose.”

“You're right about that, it's called living life. I hope you'll want to tell me about yours someday.”

“It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know where to start.”

“Just start at the beginning, child. The rest will follow.”

“I suppose the beginning would have been the day I was born.” She sighed. “I am the child of a Cherokee woman who died in Tennessee during the winter of 1839. She died in the forced move of my people. That's where I want to go. I want to go to Indian territory and see what's there or who I can find. At least I'll be with the Cherokee where I belong.” Nora's eyes had began to glisten with tears. She was holding both hands over her heart.

“Oh, could this be!? Could you be!? You look so much like my dear sister... I lost her while we were being taken to Indian Territory. She was pregnant when I lost her in Tennessee. I never saw her again, I don't know what happened to her. You don't know your mother's name, do you? What was her name?” Her tone became urgent, frantic and demanding. Sarah's eyes widened at Nora's sudden outburst.

“S-she didn't live long enough after I was born to say anything except the word Sehoya, and from that, my adoptive parents named me Sarah.”

Tears ran down Nora's face as she reached out and grabbed Sarah. “Sehoya means Susanna... that was my older sister's name! You were born in Tennessee? That's where we lost Susanna and she was expecting a baby. Could you be that baby? My little niece? My sister's child? A long lost part of my family? I felt it, I knew something was familiar about you. It would be a miracle if you were... but as I believe in God, I must believe in miracles! His wonders will never cease.

I remember it all. I was fourteen, just a girl. I remember the camps they kept us in before they herded us all away. Susanna was one of a handful of women who had not lost their babies. When things got bad she told me not to worry, that she had seen in a vision her child would be born and would live. But that it would not be hers to hold, love and cuddle. That the child would grow up in strife, but that it would rise above everything; it would be strong. When we lost her, I believed that she and the baby had died. I saw horrible things, things I can't tell. Things I will not let myself remember!”

“How did you end up here?” Sarah was trembling.

“It was right after we crossed the Mississippi. General Fields was enraged that so many of our people were dying. Every night there were more freezing to death. We didn't have adequate clothing, food or shelter for that hard winter and then the cold, cold river full of ice claimed so many. General Fields was weeping. He gathered up his troops and sent them away. The wagons and supplies he gave to us and told us, “Go now and make it to somewhere safe. I don't care where you go, just go and save yourselves!’ I ran, I just ran until I reached this farm. Here, I met Mr. Larry Rush, who owned this place. He took me in. Over time I forgot the horrors. I forgot my people. I even forgot my sister and her child! Larry was a kind and gentle man, well respected in the area. I fell in love with him and we had three beautiful children together. He died some years ago.”

“My mother left me this... ” Sarah hopefully took the necklace from her neck and handed it to her new-found aunt. Nora closed her eyes as she held it to her heart.

“This is the necklace that your father gave Susannah when he found out she was pregnant. He made it himself. He told her it would protect the baby and make it grow beautiful and healthy, and oh, Sarah, ?you are beautiful!”

“You are my aunt... my real aunt?” Sarah cried. “You are my people? You are of my blood?” Nora plopped back down in her chair. The surprise and shock had made her too weak to stand.

“Yes” she answered, “and you are my niece. My real niece. You are my people. You are of my blood!”

Sarah stood from her chair and walked over to where Nora sat. She collapsed to her knees in front of her aunt and laid her head on her lap as she cried. “My family. I've found my real family!”

“My family has found me,” Nora whispered as she stroked Sarah's hair gently and cried for all the lost years and cried for the joy of the years to come. Together at last. “Dear sweet child... Sehoya's baby girl. She has guided you to me.”

They talked all day about their lives. Nora told her about their family. “Daddy's name for Sehoya was Usti Tsisquaya, Little Sparrow and he called me, Usti Walelu, Little Hummingbird. Our mother was a teacher and our daddy was a tribal elder of the Cherokee Nation and also a minister. Daddy and mother said they would never leave our home, but we were all taken in the end. It killed daddy and mother. They both died before we ever reached the fort. When I lost Sehoya too, I didn't know what to do. I was all alone, a fourteen-year-old child. How in the world I made it, only God knows. When I look into the faces of my children and now you, my dear, Sarah, Sehoya... I know why I was spared.”

Sarah told her aunt about everything that had happened to her. How she'd kept the truth from everyone about what Nathan had done and how they'd turned her out and treated her like trash.

“I would have told them! They need to know what kind of a monster they raised! And your John should know too.”

“I can't do that... Let them think what they want. I'm saving them and myself more pain by keeping it to myself.”

“I say they should know. Who's going to be next in Nathan's hateful path? He needs to be in jail for killing that boy and for what he did to you!”

“Let's forget the past... let's leave it there and go on with our lives. Our futures are bright now. Together we can mend our hearts. I don't need revenge, I need love. I have found where I belong... I belong here, with you and with your children. My real cousins! I am Sarah Sehoya Rush. That's who I am.”

“Yes, you certainly are my sweet girl. We have been highly blessed to find one another.” Sarah hugged Nora, and for the first time Sarah felt a mother hugging her back. Rest easy, my dear sweet Mother, Sarah whispered, the trail of suffering and hate has ended... we've found love. We've found where we belong! The long, hard trail ends here.

Chapter Twenty-Three

* * * *

The winter was cold, but Sarah and Nora stayed cozy and warm in front of the fire. Peter came and went at will. The town of Marion was nearby, so they often drove there on sunny days just to get out of the house.

Sarah did get her teaching certificate and a job at a school in a little town called Jericho. The school was a few miles away from Nora's farm, so she'd stay through the week and come home on weekends. The children were bright, and sweet. She enjoyed teaching them. Her job often made her think of Greta and how they had taught at the free school. She often tried to write her friend, but the words just wouldn't come. Nothing seemed right. She didn't know how Greta felt about her now. Did she hate her? Did she even want to hear from her? One day she gathered up her nerve, scratched out these few words and just sent the letter.

My Dearest Greta;

I can't begin to tell you how very sorry I am about Shane. I can't find the words that are right, that's why I've not written to you before now

I loved him... I truly did. He loved me too. Yet, you and I both know that's why he's dead. I wouldn't blame you for hating me, but I beg for your forgiveness

Love always,

Sarah

A few weeks later a letter came from Greta. Sarah tore into it with trembling fingers.

Sarah dear;

Thank you so much for letting me know where you are and that you're fine. You are fine, aren't you

You know I hold nothing against you! I know something went dreadfully wrong, yet I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it. One thing I know for sure, you are not a jezebel! Something happened, I wish you had told me. I am your best friend... you can tell me anything!

John was accused of Shane's murder and ran. The law is looking for him but he's vanished. I know John was angry about you, but I don't believe he would have killed Shane. He might dish out a few hard blows, but he's no murderer!

You need to tell what you know. Come out with it, Sarah! I beg you, not just for me, so I can know the truth, so I can see Shane's real killer face his punishment and if you still care anything for John... come forward

Love always,

Greta

Sarah felt an even greater burden on her now than she had before. What should she do? If John wasn't in contact with any of them, perhaps he'd find out after Nathan was tried and hanged. But would anyone believe her? What if they didn't? Sarah didn't write back.

Spring came. There had been heavy talk of a civil war. With each day that passed the tensions grew higher. Then word came down along the wire that the rebels had fired on Fort Sumter! Soon, the nation was engulfed in a violent civil war.

For Sarah, the days were normal except that one by one, her young male students were leaving school. They wanted to join up with the men in gray. The youngest was a ten year old who'd left to join up with his father. Sarah thought about his large green eyes. How innocent and sweet they were, and now, what they were about to witness. She couldn't help but cry for the gangly little boy who was so small for his age and trying to be so big.

Another letter came from Greta.

Sarah,

I am left only to guess why you haven't written me back! Was I right

What happened

Now with war, none of us know how long we have. All of the men around here have gone off to fight, including my husband and your brother, Nathan

If nothing else, just let me hear from you.

Love always,

Greta

Nathan, in the war? I hope he gets a cannon ball to the head! Sarah snarled as she drove on. It was the weekend again and she was going home.

When Sarah walked in that Friday evening, Nora was setting the table for supper.” I hope you're hungry! I've made pot-roast with potatoes and carrots!”

“I'm starved!” She kissed her aunt on the cheek. “Can I help you with anything?”

“In a bit. Know any news?”

“A little. Greta wrote me again.”

“What did she say?”

“Nathan is in the war.”

“I hope he gets one straight through that thick head!” Nora smiled.

“That's what I said too!” Sarah chuckled. “Greta wants me to tell what happened.”

“Why don't you?”

“I don't think I can... what if no one believes me?”

“If Greta is as good a friend as you say, I'm sure she will.”

“I just want to forget it! That part of my life is over and done with.”

“Well, if this is how you forget then so be it! Come help me get supper on the table.” About that time Peter bounded through the door.

“Whoowee! Something smells good in here! What you ladies got on the stove?”

“Is that my wandering boy waltzing in here right at suppertime? Smelled the roast did you?”

“Yeah, Ma, I smelled it about a mile up the road.” He kissed her cheek. “Is my name in that pot, you reckon?”

“It's always in there, son. You know that. Go wash up while we set the table.”

At the supper table Peter broke the news to them that he was joining the Arkansas Regiment.

“Oh no, Peter! Not you too!” Sarah stood up from her seat and rushed over to him. “Why would you do a thing like this? Everyone is going. Everyone is leaving us!”

“Leave him be, Sarah. He knows what he's doing. Let's enjoy the time we do have together.” Nora reached out and took his hand. “Let's say the blessing now.” Sarah meekly took her seat and joined hands with Peter and Nora as she bowed her head.

The next morning, before Peter left, he took Sarah by the hand. “Walk with me.” He took her upon the hill just beyond the ridge. Bushes of beautiful white flowers with golden centers grew atop the hill and down into the valley. As far as the eye could see they flourished.

It took Sarah's breath away.

“Oh this is beautiful,” she gasped. She reached out and picked one of the blossoms. “This is the flower from my dream! I've had many dreams about these flowers, but I never knew what they were. When you picked me up and I slept in the back of your wagon to come here, I dreamed of these flowers. My mother was talking to me and I was dancing in the sun with everybody who loved me and these flowers were in my hair! They had little dew drops all over them that glittered in the sunlight. I heard my mother saying to me, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty,’ she said ‘dance my sweet Sehoya, dance, ‘ as if urging me to be happy.”

“Ma told me that years ago, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty.’ Nobody's ever told you that? You've never seen these flowers or heard of them before?”

“No, only in my dreams. Do you know what they are?” Sarah looked at Peter.

“They're called Cherokee Roses. They're named after the Cherokee.” Sarah listened in wonderment as Peter told her the legend of the flower as he'd heard it from his mother.

“Their sorrowful tears created this beauty. That's why Ma says, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty.'” He placed a flower in Sarah's hair and swung her around. “Come, Sehoya, dance!” he smiled. Sarah spread her arms and twirled in the sun. She and Peter laughed and danced amidst the blossoming signs of new hope. She felt light as air and so happy. A sweet soft fragrance filled the air. It wrapped itself around them. Sarah lifted her face into the wind's soft whisper and received its kiss.

John joined the Union Army. Mr. Tyson and the rest of John's Northern friends were angry because Lincoln had said that the South would retain their right to own slaves, even if the North won the war. They were strictly fighting to retain the Union. But John didn't care. He wanted to fight. He had an anger in him that almost frightened him. Here he was, the boy who once couldn't stand to kill an animal for food, now ready, willing and able to fire a gun into his fellow man.

It was a hot and humid day in July when the first tragedy hit the North at Bull Run. Canons exploded and guns blasted. John fought like a wild animal. His rage was released on the battlefield. He didn't know who this man was that had overtaken his body... he was a ruthless, angry killer. This once gentle boy, who couldn't even shoot a bear, was now killing men. Many of them, one after another, and liking it. But, alas, even with all of his effort in this ferocious battle, the Union lost Bull Run. John and the other northern troops scattered towards Washington, afraid that the Capitol would be taken.

The cannon fire, the horrible screams and gunshots still rang in his head. The vision of the man standing just beside him who had been hit by a cannon ball wouldn't leave him. The sight was too gruesome to forget, yet he longed to. He didn't belong here! This was hell, he was sure of it! He didn't like this man he'd become.

The sights and sounds of the bloody battle filled his mind and he began to weep openly as he trudged along. There were men all around him on the road heading North but he didn't care if they saw him. He just didn't care! “Help that soldier up!” John heard someone saying. He opened his eyes. He was that soldier and he was laying on the road. Two men laid him on a gurney and shoved him on the back of a double deck ambulance. He woke in the hospital, “Have a nice rest?” The nurse spoke softly.

“I guess I did.” He noticed her light brown hair was disheveled and she looked very tired, but she was still a beautiful and welcome sight to behold. He tried to sit up.

“Here, let me fix you.” She propped the pillows behind him. Her bodice was saturated with sweat and it looked as if she hadn't rested in days. “I'll be right back with your dinner.” She smiled. John looked around the room at the other men lying in all those other beds. Some were missing limbs, some were groaning and crying while others were in shock. One man was sitting in the middle of his bed rocking back and forth and gazing at the blank wall.

“Here you are.” The young nurse set the tray of beans and chicken in front of him. “That's better than hardtack, I bet you!” She smiled.

“What happened? Why am I here? Is something bad wrong with me? I can't remember anything.”

“Don't worry, nothing's wrong with you. You just have a touch of nervous fever.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you need your rest.”

“How long of a rest?”

“A week or so... but now, eat your dinner before it gets cold.” John didn't feel like eating. He glanced back at the man who still rocked to and fro. Nervous fever? Didn't that mean you had been touched in the head? Didn't it mean that you had gone a bit insane? “Come on, now.” The nurse held a fork towards John. He breathed hard as he took the utensil from her. He scooped a fork full of the beans into his mouth. They were a welcome change from the hardtack and pork rations. He bit into the chicken and the juices dribbled down his chin. “Good, huh?” She smiled at him.

“Yes, very good. Thank you. Um... um, what is your name?”

“Everyone calls me Nurse Mary.”

There was a sudden commotion from across the way. The rocking man was now up and standing over the bed of a badly wounded soldier and yelling.

“You dirty, filthy Rebel! You killed my brother! You killed little Johnny! I'll get even... you'll pay now!” He proceeded to choke the helpless man who had no arms and only one leg. Mary rushed over to restrain him and he fought against her. “I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill the dirty Reb! Don't you stop me! Get out of my way!”

“He's not a Rebel, Officer Turk, he's Union. The Rebs shot him too!”

“Are you sure? Maybe he's a spy? Maybe he's here to kill us while we sleep!”

“No, he's not a spy. I know this man. He's Union through and through.” Officer Turk squinted his eyes at the man.

“You'd better be Union! You'd just better be! Don't you try anything, I'm watching you!”

“Come on, get back in bed.” Mary led him away. Then she went out to get the doctor. Soon after, the man was being moved to a private room where he couldn't harm anyone else, or himself. Mary came back shaking her head as she said, “I thought he was going to finish the Reb's job on that one. He'd just begun to get better, too.”

“He's got a lot of hurt and anger in his head.”

“We all have hurt and anger but it's no reason to give up and go out of your head.”

“You've never been on the battlefield, I see.”

“No, and this is as close as I want to get to it. The only thing that gets me through my day is the thought that I am helping these men in some way.”

“You certainly have helped me. When I woke up and saw you standing over me, I thought you were an angel.”

“Oh, me an angel? How sweet, but I fear you'd have a rude awakening if you got to know me.” She laughed.

“Rude awakenings don't faze me, I've had one or two already. We never truly know anyone, no matter how well we think we do, ain't that right?”

“So, who was it that ‘awoke’ you?”

“It doesn't matter now. Just a past acquaintance and this damn war... excuse me ma'am.”

“No need to excuse yourself, I feel the same way about this shitty damn war, sir!” She laughed. John was shocked at her bluntness. A woman speaking in such a way was unheard of but he found himself laughing. He liked her straightforward manner.

“You certainly are a refreshing surprise.” He chuckled again.

“I know I shock most people but I am who I am.”

“Unlike most women. Just about every woman I've ever known has shown me a false front. A sort of charade.”

“Fronts and charades are not just exclusive to women, you know? I've had my fair share of men who try to pretend that they're more than what they are too.”

“You've been in a bad relationship yourself, huh?”

“How did you ever guess?” She rolled her eyes. “And I'm guessing that you've had your heart broken by a fair maiden named Sarah?”

“H-how did you get that name?” John was shocked.

“Didn't you know you talk in your sleep about your sweet dreams?”

“No I didn't. But Sarah's not a sweet dream, she's more like a nightmare. One I don't want to talk about.”

“Yes, sir.” Mary nodded her head sternly then chuckled before leaving the room.

Time seemed to drag. The hours ticked by and John counted everyone of them. He wanted out of here, but to go where he did not know. He didn't want to return to battle but that was all the awaited him outside of here. His mood was sullen.

“Maybe you should be getting out of bed and walking around a bit. Might do you good to take a breath of fresh air,” Mary said as she plumped his pillow up.

“Will you walk with me?”

“Sure, it would do us both good to get out in the open for a while. It does get kind of stuffy in here.” As they walked Mary asked, “So, just who is this Sarah person who plagues your dreams? You call for her almost every night.”

“Just someone that I loved more than life. She's with me like a curse,” he began. Before he knew it, he was spilling out all the details.

“You know what I think?” Mary cocked her head to one side when he'd finished his bitter story. “I think that you're blaming her for not grieving herself to death. You were dead for all she knew. You should have been happy for her. Happy that she found the strength to go on with her life and love again. Don't you think what you've done to her is self-centered and stingy?”

“I didn't mind that she went on with her life. But she was loose. Something I never would have believed she would do.”

“Have you never known the pleasure of a woman? Have you never been loose?” Mary questioned.

John stuttered over his words as his late nights in the brothels of Boston flashed through his mind. “Everyone knows it's different with a man!”

“Oh, it is, is it? I suppose everyone else but me knows that.” She abruptly stopped walking and stiffened her back. “It's just as important for a man to keep himself clean as it is for a woman. You never thought about your future wife as you were defiling yourself with harlots, did you?”

“I wasn't in love with anyone when I was ‘defiling’ myself, but Sarah was supposed to have loved me when she did this. She lied to me.”

“Look, I really don't know either of you, but it's obvious that you still have feelings for her. If I were you, I'd get over it and make peace. You're just hurting her and torturing yourself over something that doesn't amount to a hill of beans.”

“Hill of beans? Something that rips another person's heart out can't possibly be just a ‘hill of beans'! And what do you suppose should be done with the little bastard she's got?”

“So, she did something that you wouldn't have wanted her to do. At that point her actions had nothing to do with you. It was her life to do with as she saw fit. Maybe that's how she found comfort in your death. And a baby, my dear sir, is a miracle, one that should always be cherished and loved. So that's what I think should be done with the little bastard.”

Mary made John feel uneasy, yet he let her go on. This was the first time he dared listen to any sort of defense of Sarah. But he still did not want to give up his ‘delicious’ hate. Hate felt better than being vulnerable again to hurt. This wall of hate kept his heart safe. Kept him from seeing Sarah's side or even wanting to know it. Knowing her side might entail admitting that he had been wrong.

“Can we just forget about that for now and talk about something else?”

“Sure we can. You know, the doctor says you should be ready to leave the hospital in a day or two. Soon as we get a few more groceries in you.”

“Back to the fighting?” John sighed. “I swear I don't believe we're going retain the Union.”

“You think the South is going to beat us?”

“Bull Run was our first test and we failed it. Those southerners have a rifle in their hand before the teat leaves their mouth.” It had been a long time since he'd talked to anyone like he talked with Mary. It was comforting.

When the time came for him to leave he sought her out. “I just couldn't leave without seeing you.” He hugged her. “Having you for a nurse almost makes me want to go out and get wounded just so I can come back here.”

“Stop your foolishness!” She pushed at him. “Get on out of here and keep yourself safe.”

“I will.” He grinned as he threw the strap to his haversack over his head and walked away.

A year passed, then two. Sarah wrote to Greta often, but never told her what Nathan had done. The war went on and on in one bloody battle after another. Now, it was 1863. Most of Arkansas, except for the southwest, was occupied by the Union. Their soldiers boldly marched through the streets of Jericho, Arkansas.

This was to be Sarah's last week of teaching. The ride to and from the school had become too dangerous for her to make by herself. Most of the men were kind, but there were plenty of others who hated everything to do with the South. Most of these types chose to rape and murder women and children.

Sarah stopped at the post office to gather her mail. There was a letter from Peter, thank God. He was still safe! She breathed a sigh of relief. She stepped from the platform to see a tall, red haired man in a Yankee uniform. She thought she recognized him. She looked closer and sure enough, it was him, Doug Mahaffey! Somehow or other, it was good to see him again. She walked toward him, almost running. “Doug, Doug Mahaffey!” She called out.

“Yes?” He turned. His eyes lit up. “Sarah DuVal. Of all people, what in the heck are ya doin’ here?” Without even thinking, she found herself hugging him. She was so excited, she failed to see the glares from her southern neighbors. The local teacher hugging a Yankee officer in the middle of the street! How shameful!

“It's been so long! It's so good to see you again.” She smiled.

“It's been too long! I thought ye were in Tennessee, what are ya doin’ way over here and how in the heck are ya?”

“Wonderful... really for the first time in my life, I'm totally happy.”

“It shows... ye look even more beautiful than I remember.”

“So, I see you're fighting for the Union.”

“Was there ever any doubt?” He grinned. “Ya know how it is.”

“Yeah, so what else is new?”

“Ye'd be proud of me, Sarah. I finally married and settled down.”

“Really?” Sarah's smile faltered a bit. “To that cousin of yours?”

“Yeah, we had just gotten married when the war broke out.”

“Oh, I see. Congratulations, I guess.” Sarah was shocked at how disappointed she was.

“Lucky me, huh? I get to roam some more!” Doug smiled his wicked smile.

“You're so bad!” Sarah thumped his shoulder.

“Now, tell me what ye're doin’ way over here.”

“I've been teaching here in Jericho, but my home is in Marion. This is my last day here though. Too many hateful people around nowadays, if you know what I mean.”

“Look, I'm only gonna be here a few more hours before my company moves out. Can we have lunch and talk some? I've missed ya.”

“Sure, that sounds wonderful! I've missed you too.” Sarah took his arm and he led her to the hotel and restaurant down the way.

After they took their seat, Doug looked at her. “Sarah, I'm sorry about that day on the train, I was an inconsiderate fool.”

“No you weren't. Don't say that. You've always been a perfect gentleman to me, and kind too. Besides that, if I knew then what I know now, you wouldn't have gotten such a fiery and angry response from me.”

Doug smiled, obviously pleased to hear this. “Oh? And what is it that ya know now that ya didn't know then?”

“I know John a bit better.”

“What do ye mean by that?”

“It's hard to explain, Doug. I still get so angry when I think about it.”

“What? Ye're angry with him for bein’ kidnapped and killed?”

“John's alive, Doug... don't you know that?”

“No, I never heard.” Doug said blankly.

“Oh, my, no. He's very much alive and meaner than the devil himself.”

“Where is he?”

“I have no idea, and I really don't care to know either.”

“What happened?” Doug leaned toward Sarah taking her hand in his. “Why are ya so angry?”

“When John came back, things had happened. One horrible thing in particular.” Sarah looked out the window. Her face seemed to hold a bitterness.

“What was it?”

“Oh, Doug, let's not talk about that. I have better news, I found my aunt. My real mother's sister!”

“That's wonderful! But I'm afraid you've piqued my interested about that ‘other thing.'”

“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you... but that other thing should stay in the past.”

“It's that bad, huh?”

“It tore me and John apart.”

“It was horrible, then.”

“It was.”

“I'm sorry about whatever it was. Is there anything I can do?”

“Thank you, but no one can do anything now and I'm not sure that I would want them to. Things have worked out for the better.”

“So, ye're a teacher here? It's quite a ways from Marion.”

“Yes, I've been driving back and forth. Going home on the weekends.”

“That is dangerous for a woman all by herself.”

“I know, that's why tomorrow is my last day. I thought I could hold out until the war ended, but I don't see the end coming.”

“I know what ya mean. But now that Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation that should encourage more to join the Union. Now we'll be getting more help from those other countries that are against slavery.”

“That's good news. So, you do see an end in sight?”

“I do. And I see a victory for us too. The nation will win this war. That blight will be taken from America when all of her citizens are truly free.”

“I believe you are right. It gives me hope. Whatever happened to Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby?”

“I'm not in touch with the folks anymore. After what happened to John, the whole house just broke up. We all scattered to the four winds.”

“That's sad. I'd love to hear from them again. They were so much fun and full of life too.”

“I know. I miss the old times.”

“It was a good life, huh?”

“Yes, it was.” Just then a tall and rough looking fellow in a Yankee uniform stepped into the place..

“You coming with us, Mahaffey?” Doug looked around.

“That's my company leaving. We have to run meet up with Sherman now.” He picked up his haversack and rifle. “Um, If I wanted to write to ye, where would I send the letter?”

“Just send it to Sarah Rush at the Post Office in Marion. I'll get it.”

“Rush? Did ya marry?”

“No, I just took my aunt's last name. It felt more like family. You will write to me often, won't you? I'd truly love it if you would!”

“I will! I promise! It was wonderful seeing you again. Sorry we didn't get a chance to eat, but the talking was better,” he said with a wink.

“You don't know what it's meant to me! And oh, how I've missed that wink.”

“Well, being an honorable married man now, would it be too forward of me if I hug ya good-bye?”

“Of course not.” Sarah smiled. “I've already hugged you hello anyhow.” She wrapped her arms around him and he kissed her on the cheek then ran to get in line with the other men. Sarah stood watching him march away. Tears filled her eyes as she remembered their time together. She'd lost the truest love she'd ever receive from a man once again. She'd shunned Doug in her pursuit and infatuation for John and now it was too late, Doug was married. She could barely see him now, suddenly she turned as she remembered what he'd told her about watching anyone out of sight. She quickly prayed that the Lord would protect him and she prayed that what he'd said about the war was true. The ugly fighting would end and all men would be free. Sarah walked back to her room and finished packing her things to go home.

Sarah and Nora drove into Marion to pick up supplies and check the mail. Sarah reined the horse up in front of Carrol's Mercantile then they both walked in together. “Good evening!” Mr. Carrol spoke. “What can I do for you two ladies this fine day?”

“Oh, we need some of it all!” Nora chuckled. Sarah strolled over to gaze upon the book stock.

“Everything going all right out at your place, Mrs. Rush?” He said as he measured out the sugar.

“Yes, fine.”

“You heard about what happened out at the McKenny farm, didn't ya?”

“No.” Nora looked concerned. Sarah walked toward the counter to listen.

“Well, some scallywags, deserters, came upon her and her daughters and just raided their place. Took everything and even burned the barn.” He leaned forward and whispered. “And they did other things too, to her daughters, ya know what I mean?”

“Oh, how horrible!” Nora exclaimed.

“Yes, horrible it was! So horrible that they're moving, going overseas, back to her folks. Going to where there ain't no war, is what she says. I'm telling you, those scallywags did a job on ‘em!” Sarah's stomach became nervous. She didn't want to hear anymore!

“I-I'm going to run over to the post Office and check the mail while you finish up here.” She told Nora.

“All right dear.”

Sarah took a deep breath as she left the store. She walked across to the post office. As she thumbed through the mail, she saw a letter to her from Doug and promptly tore into it.

Dear Sarah;

I can't tell you how wonderful it was seeing you again! You were like a breath of fresh air to me!

War changes a man, but I promise you this, I won't let it change me! When it's all over and done, I'm going to be just as incorrigible as the day I joined!

It's a beautiful day here. The flowers are blooming and the birds are singing. It looks as if this mess of dirty rotten men are camped out on lovers lane or something. Can you even imagine such a contrast? This is the perfect setting for two lovers to walk holding hands. I see a place right now that would do wonderful for proposing to the woman you love. There's a stream nearby. I can picture a couple floating down it in a boat. She's wearing all white, holding a white lacy parasol and he's dressed in his finest spring suit.

It seems a shame, we're about to leave this place bloody and rip it of its carefree innocence.

Well, I hear the call to duty beckoning me.

Love, (Is that all right?

Doug

When Sarah got back to the wagon, Mr. Carrol had it loaded with the supplies. “My, my. Looks like you bought the store out, Nora.”

“Well, after what Mr. Carrol said, I thought I'd better get it while we're here. We need to stay close to home with all this mess running loose. We don't need to be flitting back and forth every time we need a pound of sugar or something.”

Sarah handed her the mail. “Before we leave, I'm going back to the post office and tell them to bring our mail out to the house when they can, since we won't be coming in every week.”

“That's a good idea! I'll wait for you and see what we've got here.” she shuffled through the letters.

Later that same evening, Sarah sat down and answered Doug's letter.

My very dearest Doug;

That place sounds wonderful. I am sure that after your call to duty, it will return to its former glory. Flowers will bloom, and lovers will walk through there again. Everything is going to be fine!

Aside from the war, everything here is staying pretty much normal. Life goes on.

It was wonderful seeing you again also. I didn't get a chance to say this, but I'm sorry about that day on the train. I was just upset. Everything seemed to be happening at once and I wanted it stopped! But so many things have happened to me in the years since. It's difficult to think about it. John and I were not meant to be. I know that now.

I must go but I will leave you with this one thought. ‘Ne'er's a day, ne'er's a night, that we're not in, God's loving sight.'

Love, (all right for dear friends like us,)

Sara

As Sarah stood from her writing, a letter fell from her papers onto the floor. It was that first letter she'd gotten from Greta. She picked it up and read it again. She deserves to know the truth. Sarah sat back down, picked up her pen and with trembling hands began a letter.

Dearest Greta;

I was going through my papers and found the letter that you had written me a few years ago. You begged to know the truth. I didn't want to write it, I ran from you... I ran from telling it again. But if you still want the truth here it is. The horrible, twisted story follows.

Sarah wrote all day and into the night. At times she found herself crying again but she wrote on. She told Greta everything. When she got through she had written a ten page letter. The next day she went to the post office and dropped it in the mail. Her stomach twisted a bit when she turned it loose. Now, it was on its way. Finally, her friend would know the truth.

Sarah anxiously awaited Greta's reply. Several nervous weeks passed then there it was. She trembled as she stared at the envelope. What was inside? Would Greta hate her forever? Was their friendship over? She didn't want to look inside, but she had to. With trembling fingers and a pounding heart, Sarah ripped it open and began reading.

Sarah, my dear friend;

Sarah held the letter to her heart and cried as the opening line gave wings to her heart. Greta had still called her ‘my dear friend'. She wiped away the tears of joy and continued reading.

I almost passed out while reading your letter! I can't believe you kept all that to yourself. What a burden you alone have carried

My dear sweet Sarah... you were the victim, not anyone else! I am so proud of my darling brother! To tell you the honest to God's truth, if I had known I would have been blazing a trail right behind Shane and it wouldn't have been your fault if that horrid monster had killed us both that night. You were a part of us both as I believe we are a part of you. Not even death can break this bond. We will all three be together again someday and it will be even better than the old times. They were good, weren't they? No one can take those memories from us. Not Nathan, not even the devil himself

I took your letter to the sheriff. He said there was enough to worry about with this war. He don't care about a four year old murder case. But at least I know the truth now! Thank you, Sarah for finally coming out with it! Thank you so much! I know it must have been hard to do but I hope you won't ever be afraid to tell me anything.

Your loving friend always,

Greta

Sarah felt a tremendous weight lift from her shoulders. Now, she was totally free to be happy... and she was!

Greta made her way towards the DuVal's with Sarah's letter in hand. Sarah the sinner indeed! She snorted to herself as she stomped onward. She wanted everyone to know the truth. The door was standing wide open. Marion was busy in the kitchen as usual. “Mrs. DuVal,” Greta called through the door.

“Yes, Greta come on in... what can I do for you today?”

“Mrs. DuVal, I have something very serious I need to talk over with you.” She entered the house. Marion pulled out a chair for her.

“Would you care for a cool drink? I know I would. It's awful hot today.”

“No, thank you.”

“Well, it's good to see you again. Now, what is this serious business?” Marion sat down

“It's about Sarah.” She boldly glared into Marion's face.

“Humpf, Sarah... you've heard from that little tart, have you? Well what is it now? Is she pregnant again?”

“I got this letter from her the other day,” Greta plopped it down on the table in front of Marion. “She knows who killed Shane and just like we all suspected, it wasn't John.”

“Then who was it?” Marion perked up in excitement as she reached for the letter. “It's past time we cleared my John's name of this travesty.” Greta looked at her in contempt.

“I doubt the truth will make you much happier as it was your Nathan who killed him.” Marion's face went pale.

“Why would Nathan have anything to do with Shane's death?”

“Because Shane found out that Nathan had raped Sarah. That's how she got pregnant. Shane was going to kill him.” Marion stiffened her spine, anger flashed from her eyes.

“You get out of this house with that lie this instant! Get, I say!” She leapt up from her chair so suddenly that it toppled over.

“It isn't lies! For the first time truth is abounding around this place! Sarah is not the bad seed... Nathan is, though! He always has been. You knew it too! You let him be like that!” She pointed her finger in Marion's face. “You let him beat her, mistreat her and now you're ready to let him by with raping her and killing my brother too.”

“Get out! I said get out of here!” Marion shouted wildly as she flailed her arms in the air.

“Read the letter if you dare... It will explain everything.” Greta stood like a statue, solid to her ground.

“I don't need to read a heap of lies, take the thing with you!” Marion threw it toward the door. Greta picked it up and tossed it back at Marion. “Your son killed my brother. The least you could do is be civil to me.” She walked away. It was a while after Greta left that Marion picked up the letter and began to read. When she was done, her hands were trembling. She tried to cram the damning letter back in the envelope, but her hands were too clumsy and shaky. She wadded it and screamed. “No! It can't be true! No!” She rushed to the fire that was blazing in the stove. No one must see this! She threw the letter in and breathed a sigh of relief as she watched it burn. She didn't know that it really didn't matter now, the truth was out.

Chapter Twenty-Four

* * * *

Sarah woke just before daybreak Monday morning as if she had to get ready for her day of teaching. For nearly four years this had been her daily routine. She decided that she would have breakfast ready for Nora when she woke. Nora heard the rattling of pots and pans and came into the kitchen. “You up already?” she said, through her yawning.

“Oh, I didn't mean to wake you. I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I thought I'd fix breakfast for you, for a change. I've already got the biscuits in the oven. Why don't you sit down and I'll pour you a cup of coffee.” Sarah pulled out a chair from the kitchen table. “I hope I made it as good as you do.”

“I'm sure it's wonderful,” Nora assured her. “Why, just to get up and have coffee already brewed is a treat. Maybe that's what really got me up. I smelled that coffee.” she smiled as she took her seat. Sarah sat the cup of coffee on its saucer in front of her aunt who began stirring the sugar and cream into it. Then she lifted the cup from its saucer and sipped it with a loud, slurping whistle. “Oh, this is the best cup of coffee I've ever had in my entire life. What in the world did you do to it?”

“I may have ground it a little longer, but I don't know that it's any different or better than yours.”

“Well, maybe it's just because someone else made it.” Nora chuckled. Sarah scooped some grits into the boiling water and stirred over them. She looked into the egg bowl.

“Did you know that there's only two eggs in here?”

“Oh yeah. Hens have been getting lazy lately. I'll run out there and see if we have some fresh ones this morning.”

No, I'll do it. You just relax.”

“Don't fuss. Go ahead and slice the bacon, I'll be right back.” Nora took her basket and walked out the back door toward the chicken coop. Sarah took out the large slab of bacon and began slicing thin strips of the marbled meat. She watched Nora from the kitchen window. In the faint morning duskiness she was just an outline moving about. Her silhouette bent forward and disappeared into the coop. Sarah looked back at her chore. She lay the slices into the cast iron skillet, sending a spattering and popping of hot grease. She picked up the butcher knife and began slicing again. Suddenly she heard Nora scream. She looked up and saw other silhouettes besides Nora's in the dusky morning light. They were tall and dark and wrestling about with her.

“Lord, God no! Not Nora!” Sarah gasped as she remembered what Mr. Carrol had told them what had happened to the McKenny's. Then Nathan's evil violation flashed through her mind. A rage boiled up in Sarah. Nora had lived a lifetime of pain and suffering. Sarah had lived a lifetime of pain and suffering. They'd had enough. This horrible thing would not happen! This day would not be remembered in tears and sorrow! Sarah would stand strong against them or die! She charged from the house like a tigress, still clutching her knife. “Get your filthy hands off her this minute, you filthy cowards! Get off this land!” She saw the dirty filth of what used to be Union and Confederate soldiers. Deserters.

“Well, ain't you a sweet little tidbit.” The Southern deserter turned Nora loose as he stepped toward Sarah.

“Run, Nora. Get out of here,” Sarah demanded. The man had his pistol drawn, but Sarah paid it no mind as she walked straight up to him, plunged the knife into his side and twisted the gun loose from his hand. She turned and fired into the Northern one so quickly that neither of them had time to think. The one she'd stabbed held his bleeding side and stared in disbelief. Sarah drew back the blade and sliced through his neck, his blood spattered over her before he sprawled onto the ground. In less time than it took to swat a fly, the two degenerates lay dead.

Nora's eyes were wide as she looked at Sarah. She trembled at the sight of her blood covered niece. Sarah looked down at the deserters. She slowly wiped the blood from her chin with the back of her hand that still held the man's gun. “That'll teach you to mess with this savage witch.” She turned and walked away. She sat down on the stoop still clutching to her knife and the gun as if they were her security blanket. Smoke billowed out the back door from the burning bacon. Nora saw the smoke.

“The house is burning!” She rushed past Sarah and through the back door. Immediately the fiery skillet flew out into the yard. Sarah looked from the two dead men to the burning skillet and down to her blood soaked hands. She breathed deeply. Nora walked out and sat beside her. Her hand trembled as she reached toward Sarah.

“Don't be upset, dear. You did the right thing. You did what you had to do, child.” Sarah looked at her aunt.

“I'm not upset, Nora. I'm not upset at all.” She stared back at the men. “I'm glad. I feel strong. I feel like there's nothing I can't do.” Sarah smiled as she felt her own strength. She had protected herself and her family. She wasn't weak... She wasn't helpless... She wasn't a victim... Not this time and never again would she be. Suddenly she realized that she'd always held this strength. She had been strong enough to bear Nathan's attacks and keep them hidden to protect Marion, Daniel and John. Now, she knew she was strong enough to face all foes who dare hurt anyone she loved. With this knowledge came a wonderful freedom from all fear! She felt this mighty power within herself as she took a deep, satisfied breath. “I'll get the shovel.” She spoke matter-of-factly as she calmly walked toward the barn.

Sarah placed the two men's pistols on the mantle-board, side by side, Northern and Southern alike, resting there together. “Look, Nora, my spoils of battle. Let all scallywags take notice. Come back around here and if the Southern one don't get ‘cha, then the Northern one will!”

“Well, little tidbit, I guess you showed them how sweet you were!” Nora laughed as she remembered the last words out of that one man's mouth. His last words before the little tidbit killed him dead.

Doug and the other men were camped out on the side of a hill near Vicksburg, Mississippi. They were to meet with another Regiment in the morning. General Grant's armies were now almost 80,000 men strong.

Confederate General Johnson's army of 20,000 men had been summoned from Arkansas to Vicksburg to relieve and join General John C. Pemberton's army of 31,600 starving men holed up in a garrison there. Together they would meet and execute an assault against Grant on July the 7th. Pemberton's starving men had been reduced to eating the army's mules. When that ran out, they ate grasshoppers, rats, gophers or armadillos in a desperate attempt to hold out until Johnson's army arrived, but on July the 4th they succumbed and surrendered to Grant.

The Union armies now occupied Vicksburg, Mississippi, delivering a devastating blow to the South. The confederacy was split in half.

A letter from Sarah was forwarded to Doug along with a letter from home. He tore into Sarah's letter first.

Dearest Doug;

I pray things are well with you! Are you keeping yourself safe for me, my dear friend? My senses tell me that this war can't go on forever, but every new day that comes without an end makes me wonder.

Things in Arkansas aren't going well. I miss teaching the children, but we have to do what we have to do. We are luckier than most. We have food and a place to sleep

What a sad world. This Nation has bled enough! It's time to stop. I know you'd said that the end was near and I believed it, but everyday it gets harder to be strong and wait with patience while people are being killed left and right. When you can't go into town without fearing for your life it's gone too far! It is a sad, sad world and I pray this fighting is over soon and you will return safely to your family and all of us who love you!

Blessings, and all my love

Your dear friend,

Sarah

Doug lay back and stuffed the letter in his coat pocket. Then he opened the letter from home.

Doug;

I'm so sorry to tell you this, but Gracie is very ill. She came down with typhoid fever. We're not expecting her to pull through. She's very weak and the Doctor says the end could come at any time... .

Doug stopped reading the letter. He'd heard enough. Tears filled his eyes. No, he'd never wanted to marry her, but she was one of his best friends and a dear cousin, now she was dying. She might even be dead already. Goodness only knows how long it took him to get this letter. God bless her sweet soul. Doug cried into the pages of the letter.

The next day Doug's company met together with several others to form a battalion. They would start toward the southeast to meet up with other battalions. This regiment of soldiers would head into Alabama.

Doug heard a voice that sounded oddly familiar. He looked around and saw a tall lanky man with an unkempt beard and mustache. He walked toward him. The man looked at Doug and smiled. “Douglas Mahaffey! You old son-of-a-gun!” When he said that, he thought he saw John DuVal in there somewhere!

“Is this the man who has come back from the dead yet again... John, is that you under all that hair?”

“In the flesh.” John chuckled.

“My Lord... I can't... .I can't believe it!” They grasped each other tightly and laughed. “It's so good to see ya. How have you been and where in the blue blazes have ya been? I just knew ye were dead for sure that time!”

“Oh, I've been here and there. There mostly. All things considered, I'm doing pretty well. And yourself?” John asked.

“I'm a soldier... we don't do good and we don't do bad. We just do.” He laughed. “I did see Sarah a few weeks ago.”

John paused as the joy of seeing his old friend oozed from his face. “Really?”

“She said that something had happened and that you two never got married. From the look on her face it was something bad but she wouldn't tell me what it was.”

“Well I wouldn't think she would. No, we didn't get married.”

“Why?”

“Can we talk about something else? Anything else?”

“That's about the same response I got from her. I'm just puzzled. I got a letter from her yesterday.”

“She's been writing you, has she?”

“Yes... for a while now.”

“She's no good, Doug. I'm warning you... stay clear of her!”

“Stay clear of her? Why would ya say that? What happened with you two?”

“She's a whore! She's a lying whore!”

Doug's eyes burned with fire as anger flared... how dare he call Sarah, the purest heart on earth, a whore! He held his temper. “I can't believe ye'd say such a thing about her!” Doug rasped in anger.

“Calm yourself, now. You don't know the facts. She was pregnant, Doug. Did you know that? Did she write that to you in any of her little letters?”

“No that can't be. Not Sarah!”

“Yeah, Sarah. When I got back to marry her, she was pregnant! Her lies got an innocent man killed too. I'm done with her, and if you have any sense, you'll be done with her too!”

“If it's one thing I know about Sarah, it's that she was faithful herself and to her love for yerself!”

“How do you know anything? You weren't even there, or were you?”

“I know because I tried to get her to care for me... even after you were gone I tried and she almost threw me from the train for telling her that I loved her! She was heartbroken and devastated. She almost lost her mind the day I had to tell her you were missin', ‘presumed dead'. She loved you, John... I saw it in her. I saw her adoration for you... and, oh God, how I envied you that! Now, I find out you threw it away! You're an idiot! A stupid idiot!”

“She was pregnant, Doug! Please, explain that away for me. Did you do it? I didn't!”

“Maybe it wasn't her choice, John. Have you ever thought about that? Maybe something happened to her. Maybe it wasn't a willful act on her part? I can't imagine her being anything but honorable. Even so, you brought it all on yerself. Ya had to go think before you could admit to her that ya loved her too and got yerself in more trouble. If I'd had her love, if I'd been that damn lucky, if I'd been you there would have been nothing to think about. She'd have been my wife today and her baby would have been mine!”

“You're so naive. Go on. Keep writing her and let her rope you in. You'll find out when she tears your heart in a million pieces!”

“Indeed,” Doug huffed as he turned to leave. John watched him as he walked away.

“Hey, Doug,” he called.

“Yeah?”

“Where is she anyway?”

“She's in Marion, Arkansas... she found her aunt.”

“Really? Marion, Arkansas? How odd is that?!”

“Yeah... she was teachin’ in a little town called Jericho there in Arkansas until just a little while ago.”

“How about her baby? How was it? Did you see it? She didn't mention it at all?” John sarcastically reminded Doug of the child.

“She never mentioned it. I didn't even know she had one.”

“Really? Oh well. Hiding things from you already, is she?”

“Is there anything ya want me to tell her in my next letter?” Doug let it be known that he would stay in contact with Sarah, child or not.

“No, nothing,” John huffed.

“Well, then. Good bye.”

“So long, and watch yourself with her. She's worse than Johnny Reb.”

“I'm very unafraid.” Doug walked away.

Chapter Twenty-Five

* * * *

The sun was hot as the fields of broom sage rippled in the soft July breeze. Meadow larks sang their cheerful melody to one another as Doug sat, propped on his bed roll, his accouterments at his side, and began scratching notes in his journal with a short led pencil. He decided to write Sarah.

Dear Sarah;

You'll never guess who I ran into: John! Why is he so bitter? He said you had a baby? Well, I know you, Sarah and that just doesn't add up. You never told me about it either. I don't suppose it's any of my business anyway, but my Lord, John is off his rocker. He's crazy, Sarah. Completely mad! If you loved me half as much as I know you loved him I would never have let you go! I can't understand him. I thought I knew him, I thought he loved you as much as I did. Evidently not

Which brings me to my sad news, Gracie is very ill with typhoid. I got this news the same day I received your last letter. They say she's not expected to pull through. In fact, she may already be gone. Lord, I feel so guilty about marrying her. I loved her dearly and I wanted a wife and family. After that day on the train I felt as though I had ruined any chance with you, the one I truly wanted and loved. That's why I went ahead and married Gracie. Now my conscience sorely plagues me, for once again, my Dear, you are all I can think about in the midst of tragedy. I never loved Gracie as a husband should, I know she never expected me to as she never loved me either. But now I'm losing my dearest friend on earth and I need you so badly. As far as I am able to love, I love you, Sarah Rush, and I think it's important that you know that.

I hope you don't get offended by me saying these things to you right now, but it's the truth it's always been the truth and it will always be the truth, no matter how much I try to hide it, ignore it or forget it. I have loved you from the first day I laid eyes on you. You don't have to feel the same about me, I just wanted you to know what was in my heart should anything happen to me

Another thing I need you to know is that I am guilty of a falsehood, one I was ordered to tell you. I knew John was alive and where he was when I came to you that day before I took you home. But it was too unsafe for anyone, even you, to know his whereabouts. I never heard anything else about him, never saw him again. After a long while, I just assumed he was dead. I thought surely Mr. Tyson would have told me had he made a safe getaway. I suppose they thought it too dangerous for me to know anymore than I already did. I hope you understand it was all done for John's safety, or else I never would have lied to you like that. I never would have allowed you to hurt like that if it was not absolutely necessary

There is much to forgive of me, my dearest Sarah. If you can forgive me and if I make it through this war, if any of us do, perhaps you wouldn't mind floating down that stream with me someday all dressed in white?

No matter what, I'll love you forever,

Doug

“What's wrong, Sarah?” Nora Looked at her.

“It's John.”

“What about him?”

“My friend Doug saw him.” Nora came and sat down beside her.

“And... what happened?”

“He told him I had a baby and Lord only knows what else. But, Nora, Doug said he loves me.”

“Doug? Didn't you tell me he was married?”

“Yes and she's very ill with typhoid. They don't think she's going to make it.”

“And so he's moved on to you, huh? That's ugly! What a scoundrel!”

“No, it's not like that at all. I can't explain it, you'd have to know Doug. Here, you read the letter. I think I'm going to go for a walk.”

“Are you sure you don't mind me prying into all your little secrets?”

“There's no secrets here. Read to your heart's content.” Sarah left and walked up the hill. The top was covered with the sweet white blooms of the Cherokee Roses. She picked a handful as she thought about the legend of how the Cherokee chiefs had prayed for a sign of hope. After this the Cherokee Rose began to flourish along the trail from the Carolinas to Indian Territory in the west... .Everywhere a tear fell, a flower was watered and grew.' She lay on the warm ground and buried her nose in the beautiful blossoms. I'm pretty sure I've watered my fair share of you myself, she whispered

Later that same evening Sarah sat down to write Doug. She wasn't sure of what to say. She certainly didn't want to lose her good friend and she did care for him. What can I tell a man whose wife is on her death bed? It was a very awkward situation, to say the least. It helped to know that neither of them had ever actually loved one another... not like that anyway... but, still this was going to be a difficult letter to write. She began.

My Very Dearest Doug;

I was so sorry to hear of Gracie's sickness. Maybe she will make it. She's in my prayers as you are. I guess in a world as crazy as this we haven't time for etiquette and the like as we use to. I'm not offended at your words. But I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I am leery of them. Not for the same old reasons, but because I was hurt by someone I trusted with all my heart. I'm just not ready to trust my love to anyone... at least not right now. It's not you, it's the pain that's still in my heart. I understand why you had to tell me that about John. There was a time when that would have enraged me and made me hate you, but now I understand more than ever how important love and forgiveness are and you have both from me

Yes, I was pregnant... yes it was a tragedy. Yes, It was the product of a forced encounter.

Shane was one of my best friends in the world and I did love him. We were going to marry when I thought John was dead. I wanted a life of my own. Not that I had forgotten John. I just wanted to stop the hurting... stop the crying. After I was raped, I wanted to be protected. I wanted to feel safe. Shane was there for me. He eased the pain and made me feel happy again. But it all changed when John came back into the picture. I followed my heart to a dream that was never meant to be.

When it came out that I was pregnant I hid what had happened from everyone. I thought I was doing the right thing but Shane got blamed. Yet he knew it wasn't his and demanded to know the truth. I told him about the rape and he went to kill the man who'd done it. To my horror, he wound up being shot! Within two days I lost two of the most important people in my life. One turned his back on me and the other was dead.

I left home with nothing but five dollars and the product of rape in my belly. I thought I would hate that child. It was the reason for so much torment and strife. But I had a revelation when I lost the innocent little being. I realized that I loved it no matter what! This was my child, no one else's. And I wanted it so badly, but God had other plans

Scars like this don't heal overnight, Doug. They don't heal over years... they may never heal! All I can promise you is this... I want to try and mend. I really do.

Love and many Prayers,

Sarah

Doug's heart raced as he read the letter. He rushed over to John's post. “Read this!” He slung the letter at him. John looked it over and saw Sarah's name on the envelope. He threw it back at Doug.

“I don't want to fill my head with her trash again!”

“Ya son of a bitch... Just read it!” He shoved the letter back towards John, who huffed as he ripped the letter from the envelope. Doug noticed the rise and fall of his brow as he read. His face became softer as he neared the end. Doug thought to himself, You are crazy, Douglass Mahaffey! What are ya doin'? Tryin’ to get them back together? But Doug realized that what he was really doing was defending Sarah's name and honor. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone thinking of her as a whore! He couldn't live seeing her name diminished and dragged through the dirt!

“She was raped?” John's voice quivered. “I never would have thought... ” He stopped.

“That's what she says.”

“Why didn't she tell me before?”

“I don't know... but knowin’ Sarah, I think she has a very good reason.”

“This doesn't make sense! She never said who did it. She must be lying!” His face hardened again.

“John, she and Shane never slept together... think for a minute, just think. If she didn't sleep with the man she was going to marry, why would she sleep with anyone else? If she did, who was he? If she loved him that much, why wasn't she marryin’ him? Look past your own hurt and see Sarah for who she is!”

“I can't... I just can't!” John thrust the letter into Doug's chest. “You put that idea in her head to say that she was raped! You thought of a good lie for her, didn't you?”

“Why would I do that? The last thing I want is to see you two back together! I love her and I want her myself! Think, John... just think! I want you to know the truth!”

“I don't want to hear anymore! Go paint your little ideas somewhere else and leave me alone!” John shouted.

“Ye'd rather see her as a whore than an innocent victim, wouldn't ya? If you were to look at the facts of the matter, you wouldn't be able to live with yerself, would you? To accuse a woman of being a whore when she was raped!”

“If she was raped, she should have told me!”

“Maybe you didn't give her time to tell ya.” All of a sudden there was a large explosion. Then another. They were under attack! Doug and John ran for cover.

Days passed with the constant thundering of cannon and rifle fire. The battlefield was riddled with bodies of both Union and Confederate soldiers. John, Doug and the rest of the two battalions were making ground and advancing southward when, from out of nowhere, shots begin coming from every which way. No one knew where to find cover. John found himself crouched behind a tree watching countless men being hit. Then, out of the corner of his eye, John saw a man in gray charging him. He raised his rifle and fired right into the man's belly. The man stood for a second looking right into John's eyes before falling. John couldn't believe who he was looking at. No, it couldn't be, no! It was impossible that it could be Nathan! John scurried over the ground to him. He quickly turned him over... thank God, he was still breathing. “Nathan, Nathan... I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was you! Please don't— don't die... I'll never be able to live with myself if you die! I didn't know, I didn't know!”

“Looks like you're finally rid of me.” Nathan cringed in pain.

“I don't want to be rid of you! How can you say that?”

“Forgive me John... forgive me?” He clutched at John's suit.

“Forgive you? For what?”

“I deserve this, I do. I hated you, I hated Sarah, I hate, John. I just hate. I hate so much that if you hadn't shot me just now I would have shot you and when I found out it was you I would have laughed and never thought about you again, I hate you so much. I don't want to hate, but I do. I can't help it. Forgive me, please... before I die? I don't want to go to hell. I don't want you to hate me.”

“Shush, Nathan... I-it's all right. It's going to be all right. I forgive you, will you forgive me? I didn't know it was you! I didn't know it was you!” John wailed.

“All I ever wanted was to be your brother, but I was never good enough, or smart enough. From the time Sarah was laid on our door step you made it clear that in your eyes she was better than any of us. Then you went off up north, you became a hero to everyone. The great hope. Always above me. I wanted to get nice things for Momma. Nothing I ever gave her or did for her ever measured up to your finery. You were just always out of my reach. I hated the way that I didn't exist in your eyes and how you were in everyone else's. I didn't exist at all then. Now, thank God, I won't exist anywhere on earth. Who knows, maybe I'll be worth some sort of thought when I'm dead.” Nathan struggled for life as he clutched John's blue Uniform tighter. John took him up in his arms, sobbing.

“You can't die. Not now. Not like this. Give me a chance to make it right. Sarah is not who I thought she was and if I had known then what I know now I never would have taken up for her against you.”

Nathan saw the pain in John's face and the remorse in his eyes. He felt his life slipping away from him and he knew that John would never be able to overcome the pain of killing him. Unless he gave him one last jab, one last great push. Even though he longed for his brother's forgiveness now more than ever he had to be as crude in death as he'd been in life. He had to rouse John's anger. He had to make John hate him. Nathan's face changed from fear to seeming contempt as he said. “All of your life you've made things right. That's what makes you great. All your life you've played the hero of every book you've ever read. I won't give you another chance at greatness through me. I'd rather be dead.” He said with a bitter snarl. “Anyhow, If you truly knew me and what I had done, you would be glad you'd shot me, just as glad as I would have been to shoot you.” It was becoming harder for him to breathe but he had to cleanse his soul before he went. He had to take this burden from John.

“You're talking out of your head, Nathan! I can't understand what you are trying to say.”

“T-The child Sarah conceived wasn't from a love affair.” Nathan struggled for his next breath and he cringed in pain. “I-I forced myself on her and she... and she got pregnant. I beat her. I kicked her. And, John, I raped her, your precious Sarah. I-I raped her.” Nathan went limp as his eyes glazed over. John held his lifeless brother in his arms and was stunned. The letter was true!

“No! No!” John cried. He looked down at Nathan, whose face seemed to be frozen in a sadistic smile as his empty, dead eyes stared up at him. “You bastard! You low-down dirty bastard!” He shook Nathan's lifeless body violently. “You come back, you filthy coward! Come back and face me like a man!” John shook him harder then he threw him to the ground. He stood up and backed away as he cried out. “No! Not Sarah... you didn't do that to Sarah! God tell me that didn't happen... someone tell me I didn't turn her out after this had happened to her! Please, oh please, help me!” John crumpled back down on the ground screaming into his hands. “No! Sarah! No!”

What had just happened and the knowledge of what Sarah had gone through made John want to die himself. He didn't care about anything. Then, a picture of Sarah flashed in his mind. Sweet little Sarah, all alone and hurting. John got to his feet and looked down at his brother.

“Lay there and be a feast for the vultures, you damned bastard, and may you rot in hell's fire for all time to come. I don't forgive you for that, I don't! Do you hear me? I don't forgive you! Go to hell... do you hear me? I want you to go to hell!” he screamed out as the pain tore through his body.

John quickly found Doug. “I'm deserting.”

“What? Ya can't do that!”

“Want to bet? Just watch me!”

“What's happened?”

“It was Nathan who raped Sarah. Did you know that?”

“Yer brother? No, I didn't. She never told me who it was. How did you find out?”

“I just shot him. I didn't know it was him, but as he lay dying he told me. He wanted to cleanse his soul before he went to the hereafter, I suppose. Or to get one last gloat in on me. It doesn't matter. I have to get to her. I have to let her know that I'm sorry!”

“Ye can get leave to do that. Ya don't have to desert.”

“I'm not coming back, Doug. You get my leave for me. I'm gone!” John ran away from everything. To hell with the war. To hell with the slaves. To hell with the North and the South! Nothing mattered right then but Sarah. Sweet, beautiful, Sarah. The little girl he'd adored and the woman he'd fallen in love with. He wasn't Union or Confederate, he was just a man. A man who must find the woman he loved and make everything perfect for her. The world could wait. It's taken care of itself for millions of years. But the time for love is now. I must let her know how I feel. I have to let her know that I'm sorry

John shed his uniform and replaced it with plain trousers and shirt that he took from a clothesline behind a small farmhouse. Sarah must not worry about anything anymore. She must not hurt anymore! Sweet Sarah, too noble to let anyone know what Nathan was really like. So noble that she would take the blame for him rather than let Momma and Papa know of the evil they had spawned. She wore the scarlet letter even though she had been the innocent victim. Oh, the very thought of it made John want to cry out in agony again. He had been a fool for thinking any less of her. He was a stupid ass, just as Doug had said. How could I have ever been so blind and stupid? How!? Where was my brain? I'm a fool! He remembered Sarah's horrible groaning cries that first day he'd came back. This was the hurt that was in her cries. This was the horrible thing he felt in her when his stomach twisted into knots and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. This was the bitterness and hatred she spoke of when she'd said it felt good to hate! He had failed her so miserably! But he must make it right! He must!

When he got into the town of Marion Arkansas, he asked where he might find Sarah Rush. He was directed to a small cabin on the outskirts of town. As he rode up John saw Nora out in the yard hanging clothes on the line. She looked up as he came closer then walked out to meet him. “Can I help you with something, Sir?”

“Yes please, I was wondering if you know a woman named Sarah Rush?”

“Yes, Sarah lives here.” Nora looked at him suspiciously. “She came here four years ago and never left, to my good fortune.” John's throat became gravely. He tried to speak, but the words were hard to come out.

“I-Is she here now?”

“She's out right now. You've come a ways have you?”

“Yes, from Mississippi.”

“And how do you know my Sarah?”

“She was my sister.”

Nora stared long and hard at him. “What's your name?”

“John DuVal.”

“Haven't you and your people caused her enough pain yet? Don't you think it would be best to just leave her alone now?”

“We have caused her pain, I won't deny it. But I love her with all my heart and I will do anything to make her happy.”

“She is happy here. I understand her and love her for who she is.”

“My good Lord above, woman, why do you think I love her? Do you think I would have her be anything else but what she is? I love her with all my heart!”

“You love her? Is that why you turned your back on her? Is that why you trampled her trust into the mud? She told me about her trust and belief in you. She told me it never mattered what Nathan did to her or anyone else for that matter, she never put her trust in them. In your hands she placed her heart, and by your hands her heart was crushed. From anyone else she was ready for such treatment, but never from you. She has put herself back together now, why don't you just leave her alone? She has found peace and acceptance here. Don't cause her hurt again, I beg you, just go and never look back.”

“She told you everything that happened?”

“Yes she did. I thank you all for taking her in and raising her, if not for you and your family she would have died, I know that. But it gives you no right to kill her spirit just because you have saved her life. I wanted you to know what had happened to her... I wanted you to know how wrong you were. But you have no business here tampering with her feelings.”

“I don't seek to kill her spirit. I don't want her to be anything but happy. I didn't know what had happened. I never knew what Nathan had done to her. If I had only known.”

“If you had only given Sarah the chance, she might have told you.”

“I just need to tell her I'm sorry... I need her to know that I know and that I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her. I need for her to know that I love her with all my heart. I need her!”

“John, you go and tell her those things. But if that girl puts her heart back in your hands, you'd better protect it till your last dying breath, because if you crush it again, I will not be responsible for what I do to you... not in my eyes nor the eyes of God!”

“I know... I know.”

“She usually takes her spiritual walks upon the hill over there.” Nora pointed.

“Thank you, ma'am.”

“Welcome.”

John mounted his horse and rode as fast as he could towards Sarah. As he neared the hill, John saw her walking toward him. He whipped the horse to go faster. As he neared her, Sarah stopped and watched him come. Her skirts flapped in the steady gentle winds. She put her hand over her eyes to block the sun. She couldn't make out who it was then she saw his face. She felt her heart pounding. It pounded so hard that she could feel it in her ears!

“He's come. No... oh no!” She didn't know why but she turned and began to run from him.

“Sarah!” She heard him call out.

No tears Sarah... none! Don't shed one more tear! Don't let him see you weak again. Let him see you how you are now... strong and free! Don't cower down. Don't run away. Let him see you strong and proud! Let him see you, Sarah Sehoya Rush. She stopped running and stood with her back towards John as he jumped from his horse and ran to her. He grabbed her by her arm and turned her around to face him.

“Sarah.” He was out of breath. “Oh, dear Sarah!” He wrapped her in his arms. As she lay her head on his chest, she could hear his pounding heart. She pushed back from him.

“What brings you to Arkansas?”

“You... you know it's you!”

“You read the letter I sent to Doug?”

“Yes, yes I did.”

“And you came for me?”

“Yes, I came for you.”

“I-I wanted to tell you... .I just didn't want you to do anything and get in trouble, I didn't want Momma and Poppa to know! I-I... ”

“Shush, I know why you didn't tell me... I know!”

“You believe me, John? You really believe me?”

“At first I was so angry I didn't... but I was still so blind I didn't want to believe it. But then... ” John paused.

“Yes, but then?”

“I killed him, Sarah... I killed Nathan. Before he died, he told me everything. I hate him for what he did to you, Sarah! I hate him!”

Sarah's face went blank. “He's dead?”

“Yes... he can never hurt you again! Never!” Then Sarah's look became cold.

“So, you're not here because of my letter... but because Nathan told you what he did?”

“Sarah... I-I love you.”

“Tell me this, John... if Nathan hadn't told you what he did, would you be standing here, ‘loving me’ or would you still have your back turned to me?”

“Do you believe in forgiveness or second chances?”

“I believe that only if you are ready to forgive can you be forgiven. Just answer me, John! Had you not found out the truth from Nathan would you be standing here now? Or would you still have your back turned to me?”

John knew the answer and he felt ashamed. He hated himself. He looked away.

“I thought so. It wouldn't have mattered what I said... It never would have and it never will. It took the man who raped me telling you what happened to get you to believe! Go home, John... wherever that is, New York, Tennessee... just go home and leave me be!” She turned and began to walk away.

“Sarah!” John yelled. “Forgive me!” Sarah stopped and turned toward him.

“I forgave you long ago, John. I could never hate you.”

“Then marry me!”

“I don't have to be your wife to forgive you. I still love you with all my heart. But I just don't love you like that anymore. Something is gone... I don't believe I'll ever get it back.”

“I can make you love me again, I know I can!”

“John, you can't make someone fall in love with you. It's either there or it isn't. Maybe I never really loved you in the first place. Maybe it was simply childhood dreams. If I had really loved you, surely it would have lasted through anything. Even this. I'm done with it, John. I'm over it. I'm not your little Sarah... I'm not a helpless little girl. I'm a grown woman. I love you, John, but I also love myself. Being here has taught me how to do that. It's taught me that I'm worthy and that I deserve more than to be a servant, a thing that walks around all day every day without an opinion, thought or feeling. I am a feeling, thinking woman and I deserve more!”

“Sarah... please, just listen!” John cried. The tears washed down his face. Sarah took the small bouquet of Cherokee Roses and handed it to John.

“I guess we must all do our part to water the rose.”

“W-What are you talking about?”

“It's the legend of these flowers, the Cherokee Rose. During the darkest days of my people's forced move the chiefs asked God for a sign for the mothers. Not long after, these flowers began to bloom. It's believed that everywhere a tear fell, a rose was watered and grew. God knows, I've done my part to water them... when I thought you were dead, when Nathan violated me, when I found out I was pregnant with his child, when you turned your back on me, when Shane was killed, when I left the only family I had ever known, and when I lost the child I thought I would hate which made my tears and sorrow even greater... I've watered enough of these roses. It's your turn!”

“Sarah, don't, I'm begging you! Give me another chance!”

“Go home, John. Just go home knowing that you are forgiven. But I'll never be your wife, ever.” She started onward towards the house. She heard John as she walked away from him.

“Please, Sarah. I can make you love me... I can! I'm not leaving! I'm not going anywhere! I'll prove myself to you... I can make you love me again!” Sarah paused and looked back to see John, crumpled to the ground on his knees, weeping into the flowers. He was now feeling the worse pain of all, the awful pain of regret. Her heart ached for him, but she turned, held her head high, stiffened her back and walked onward. She was free. She was in control. The chain of grief gone. She would not make the same mistake she'd made with Shane. Never again would she toss away true love to chase after a girlhood dream. Tonight, she would write Doug.

* * * *

The End

* * * *

Author's Postscript

* * * *

The idea for By Way of the Rose came to me while I was doing research for my family tree a few years ago. I was going through the census files and found out that my great grandmother, who was supposedly of Native American descent, and her mother-in-law, my great-great-grandmother, had the same first names with different spellings. How odd, I thought.

I asked about it and was told the story that had been handed down through the years, depending on who in my family you ask. Some say this story isn't true, that it's, “tall tales” dreamed up by colorful minds in the family. While these, ‘colorful minds’ swear it's all fact. Either way, it made for a good novel in my opinion.

The tale was this: It seems that my great grandmother had been named after my great-great-grandmother. But there was a shocking secret to come. The girl had been adopted from a Choctaw woman by my great grandfather's parents who gave her the name of her adoptive mother. She grew up to marry the man who had been passed off as her twin brother, my great grandfather.

True or not, I was captivated as I listened to this intriguing tale which had so many blanks. I wondered how anyone could grow up to fall in love with their adoptive sibling? As an author, I quickly found a novel building in my head with these blanks being filled.

From there, the story took on a life of its own. It turned on a dime and ended up not with a brother-sister wedding as I had thought, but with the liberation of a severely abused girl who found her voice, her heritage, her way and also the meaning of true love.

The boy, John is an idealist whose ideals become clouded. He cares a great deal for humanity, but he misses the boat in thinking that money can buy happiness, gifts can heal all wounds and finery can make up for lost time.

Thank you for honoring me by reading the work of this ‘colorful mind’ and I hope you fully enjoyed it.

Until next time, I wish you God's Rich Blessings,

Cynthia Ward Weil

Author's Bio

* * * *

Cynthia Ward Weil is a self-taught Mississippi artist and writer who overcame the stigma of a learning challenge called dyslexia. She went into the field of writing and challenged all the doubts, thus making a statement of the undaunting spirit and never ceasing ability to be successful by holding fast to one's dreams.

Keeping in mind the motto of her Mother, “How can you fail if you never quit?”

Cynthia faithfully stayed in the race and now has had her first novel, Sometimes There's a Dove, published by Twilight Times Books. She has since become a proud member of EPIC, a reviewer for KnowBetter.com and is working on her third novel, an historical romance.

-The End-

twilighttimesbooks.com

Visit twilighttimesbooks.com for information on additional titles by this and other authors.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Author's Postscript

Author's Bio