It's All Relative

S.C. Stephens

Published: 2010
Tag(s): "Adult Content" Romance Drama Angst

It’s All Relative

Text copyright © 2010 by S.C. Stephens

Thank you for downloading this eBook. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its original form. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Summary: The club was packed, the music was loud, and the alcohol was flowing. Jessie couldn’t keep her eyes off of the exotic man drinking by himself across the room. Kai couldn’t keep his gaze from the buxom brunette laughing with her friends at the bar. Fate pulled them together, giving them a night that neither one would soon forget. But then, you know what they say about fate. While their one night of bliss was perfect, neither Jessie nor Kai could have imagined what would be in store for them the next time they met, when fate again crossed their paths. As they both soon discovered, sometimes life places obstacles in the way that are insurmountable… even for soul mates.

***

Many thanks to all of you who have supported my writing and asked for copies. Thank you so much for your encouragement, as it means the world to me. I hope you get as much from reading this as I did from writing it.

***

The following story contains mature themes, strong language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

Chapter   1

New Chapter

There was a chill in the air. Of course, in October, in Colorado, it wasn’t unusual to find a chill in the air. A dampness clung to that chill, making the shivering, huddled bodies rushing along the busy sidewalk pop into bars and restaurants, all in some hope to delay reentering that approaching arctic environment. It didn’t rain a whole lot here, but the weather had been making up for that fact for the past three days. Thick, dark clouds swallowed up what little of the stars would have been seen from the glare of the city. Whenever the moon peeked through that swath of rain-filled blackness across the sky, it was a pale, thin sliver, offering no comfort and definitely no light. The wan glow of streetlamps and the harsh buzzing of neon business signs, some open, most closed, only made the night feel emptier. Cool wind whipped through the streets, whistling up empty alleys and swirling up clusters of bright red and orange leaves that had collected along the edges of the road. Cars racing down that street, heaters on high and visions of fuzzy blankets in the drivers’ minds, splashed frigid water up onto the curbs.

All in all, it was not the night to be out and about. And as Jessie soon discovered, it was an especially bad night to be out. Letting out a surprised squeal, she immediately hopped on one leg and shook out her high heeled foot. Water dripped from the open toe from where she’d stupidly stepped into a foot deep puddle. She shivered as she let out an exasperated sigh.

Things were not going Jessie’s way, and her soaked and quickly becoming frozen foot, was only the latest example of that.

Jessica Marie, as her family insisted on calling her, was suffering from more than just a sodden foot and slightly wet trench coat. Jessica Marie was also suffering from a severe case of broken heart. Her boyfriend of the last eighteen months had broken things off with her a few weeks ago. He’d broken things off with her after she’d chucked a heavy glass vase at his head. She’d chucked that vase at his head because she’d decided to get off early from work and surprise him at his duplex. He’d ended up surprising her, by being in the middle of “consoling” his distraught-over-the-loss-of-her-cat neighbor. Consoling had been his turn of phrase. Jessie preferred to call what they were doing something far more vulgar. It rhymed with chucking.

So, he’d shattered her heart as she’d shattered her favorite vase. As pain and betrayal had started fading, anger had swept right into place. Now, she couldn’t stand the thought of that two-timing prick. She missed the shattered vase more than she missed him. But a hurt is a hurt, and it still stung.

Much like her foot.

She hopped up and down, trying to resume the blood flow to her chilly extremity. “This is seriously a bad idea. Let’s just go home and watch a chick flick.” She groaned at the two friends beside her who were barely containing chuckles at her misfortune.

Her redheaded best friend, Harmony, shook that long, flaming hair over her shoulders. “No way, Jess. You need a little fun.”

Jessie sighed and pulled her friend’s arm, hoping forward movement would put a halt to the tingly feeling creeping up her leg. Her shoe squeaked when she started walking. “I have plenty of fun, Harm. This is cold and wet and…not fun.”

Jessie’s second best friend laughed heartily. Her full name was April-Mae, but due to a severe case of teasing back in grade school, she only referred to herself as April now. April came from a pretty traditional Japanese family and had the dark hair and deep olive skin to show for it. That was about all she’d inherited from her family though. Their “traditions” were sort of lost on her, as she’d fully embraced the modern lifestyle.

While April was generally just a hair behind Harmony on the best friend scale, at hearing her laugh, Jessie thought about moving her good friend back a position, to bestie number three.  The Asian beauty ran a hand through her perfectly straight hair. “This will be funner when we get a few shots down you. Promise.” She smiled charmingly and batted her eyelashes, small raindrops collecting on the long, mascaraed tips.

Jessie sighed and groaned dramatically as April grabbed her arm and the two of them pulled her towards the club just up the street. As the loud music thudded out whenever the heavy door was opened, Jessie was warmed by the idea that at least it wouldn’t be so cold in there.

The dance club that Jessie was being dragged to was right in the heart of downtown Denver, so the dolled up girls had to pass a good helping of beggars and homeless people to get to the door. Jessie couldn’t help but look at them as she hustled through the cold. She imagined that most of them were strung-out junkies, their life taking a horrid turn at some point that they probably wouldn’t ever recover from. But a handful of them had to be purely down on their luck, down in a way that made her wet heel seem like good luck. She felt horrible for them as she slipped through the door, knowing those poor souls were going to have to try and stay warm in this mess.

Her bad feelings were stripped away from her as Harmony stripped the jacket off her shoulders. Both the coat and her purse were shoved at the coat check girl, an adorably cute Goth wannabe. April waved her hand seductively at the muscled help barring the entrance and he smiled, sweeping her into a bear hug. April came here a lot, and had gotten herself on the ‘never has to pay’ list. The man moved aside from the entrance of the club and indicated to the woman collecting everyone else’s cover charge, to stamp the trio of girls’ hands.

Jessie sighed, adjusting her short, black club dress while April hugged the perky blonde collecting money and waved everyone to follow her into the throngs. Jessie watched her friend’s jet-black locks swish side to side, marveling at how it flowed like a river down the backless top she was wearing. From behind, April looked naked, clothed only in tight leather pants that flawlessly matched the shade of her hair. Several guys noticed this too, and April was whisked away to the dance floor before she could start doling out the drinks that she’d promised.

Harmony glanced at April shaking her ass with some random guy, then smiled back at Jess and nodded to the far end of the packed-with-people room. The music thumped through Jessie’s chest, slightly making her ears start to buzz. Bodies jostled against her, warm and sweaty. Jessie sighed again and was at least grateful that soon she’d be warm and sweaty too.

Harmony led her to a fifteen foot bar, the dark wood chipped and damaged from years of drunken abuse. Putting her elbows on top of the sticky-looking surface, Harmony expertly emphasized her cleavage in her tight red top. The male bartender did not let that go unnoticed. His eyes drifted to her chest, and stayed on her chest, as he cocked his head to listen to her yell out her drink order.

He grinned, nodded, and started pouring them shots of a dark liquid, covered with a light creamy liquor. Jessie smiled as Harmony twisted back to her. “Bottoms up!” she yelled. The two girls clicked their short glasses and tilted them back. The sweet yet potent drink burned and soothed all the way down Jessie’s throat. Shaking her head and laughing, she stopped feeling bad about her wet foot and ass-aholic ex-boyfriend. Coming up to the bar with Harmony, Jessie leaned over the counter with her and showed off her no less impressive amplitude. The bartender grinned wider at the two racks put on display for him and poured another round of drinks.

Three more rounds later, the girls finally went to find April on the dance floor. They found their gregarious friend in a swarm of beautiful boys, each one trying to get a hand on her slim body. She expertly slinked between three or four of them, placing her hands all over them, but somehow managing to stop them from groping her. It was an impressive feat to watch and Jessie’s slightly slow mind laughed at the sight.

Giggling in delight, April squealed at seeing her two friends back in her midst. With arms on each other, for support, and to keep back the eager boys, the girls danced effortlessly. As the alcohol burned through Jessie’s body, her moves became looser, her dress riding a little higher. A couple of guys took advantage of that, resting fingers on her toned legs. She let them, enjoying the feeling of a man’s attentions. She even laughed when one forward guy wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her hips back into his. She allowed herself to grind with the older man, but immediately broke away from his grasp when it became obvious that he was enjoying it a little too much.

Grabbing her girlfriends’ hands, she pulled them back to the bar for another round. The man looked highly disappointed, but Jessie could only laugh at his dismay. He was really too old to be at a club purely for the fun of it. Obviously well over forty, Jessie was sure he spent his weekends strolling through clubs, looking for young, easy hookups. The horny man had even decided to complete the player look with a paisley dress shirt, opened about three buttons too far, and a gaudy gold chain poking through his chest hair. Approaching the dark, stained bar, Jessie wished him luck, but she had no intention of being an easy score.

The next several hours went much the same way - finding a group of guys to dance sexily with on the floor, then ducking out to grab some more shots. The bartender started offering his suggestions on what they should drink, and pretty soon they had moved past the sweet, creamy liquors to the hard stuff. Several guys, hoping to speed up the inebriation of three attractive girls, bought them even more drinks. Each man was obliged with a swift kiss to the cheek and an intimate turn on the dance floor, but not much more than that.

Jessie was pleasantly buzzing, laughing with her friends at the bar, when she felt a set of eyes on her. She’d been feeling eyes on her for awhile, being in a club filled with college age guys and wearing a distractingly short dress will do that to you, but these eyes felt different to her. Twisting her head, she instantly spotted a guy at a nearby table. He was standing by himself, sipping a beer and looking at her. Jessie couldn’t help but stare at him. Even if she’d been completely sober, he’d have gotten her attention. From their distance, he looked tall and athletic, the cut line of a muscle visible on his arm as he tilted back his bottle. While his body seemed nice enough, that wasn’t really what focused Jessie’s gaze. It was more his face.

There was an intriguing blend of ethnicities there that her buzzed brain couldn’t quite place – a mixture of Caucasian, Latin, Asian, or maybe even Puerto Rican? His skin was that beautiful mulatto color that always looked deeply tanned, regardless of the season. But even that wasn’t what had Jessie still staring at him. It was the eyes. He had the most incredible shade of sea-green eyes. She wanted to be closer, so she could see for sure, but she was positive that if she were staring into those eyes, it would be like staring at a tropical ocean. Her drunken mind suddenly wanted to be swimming in those eyes.

He blinked and looked down, almost as if he’d finally realized that they’d been staring at each other for while. Jessie knew that she had a certain attractiveness to her. Her mother had graced her with aforementioned cleavage and a trim waist to emphasize it. Her father had given her dark brown hair with matching chocolate eyes. When she was younger, she’d wished to be blonde and blue-eyed, but over time, she’d learned to embrace her dark features, playing them up with dark dresses and natural earth tones. And of course, on special nights, smoky eyes and perfectly painted red lips. Since Harmony and April hadn’t let her leave the house today until she’d shucked off her I’ve-just-been-dumped sweats, and since she’d spent a good hour perfecting the thick ringlets of her naturally curly hair, she knew she looked pretty darn good. The alcohol freely flowing through her veins made her think she looked amazing.

She bit her lip as the beautiful boy kept his eyes on the table, a small smile on him. Jessie couldn’t be sure, but he didn’t seem to be waiting for anyone, he seemed to be here at the club alone. Maybe still feeling her eyes on him, he lifted his gaze back to the bar. As Jessie was still staring, he smiled briefly before bringing his vision back to the table, his smile a little bigger.

Laughing that the most attractive guy in the club was actually being a little shy with her, she twisted around to order a couple shots. April and Harmony looked at her expectantly, but furrowed their brows when she only purchased two. Seeing their confusion, Jessie nodded her head at the man. “He looks lonely. I’m gonna go cheer him up.”

Her friends laughed and immediately, and not subtly, checked him out. April bit her lip and nodded her approval. Harmony raised an eyebrow and waved. Jessie swung her head back around, hoping her friends hadn’t scared him off, but he was still there, shaking his head and laughing a little as he stared at his table again.

Throwing her friends a warning glance, Jessie started stumbling her way over to him. Ignoring a few slurred greetings as she waded around a couple groups of men, she approached his table with what she thought was a sexy swagger. Immediately, she got her foot stuck in a crack. Luckily it wasn’t enough to twist her ankle, but it did jar her step and she stumbled and started to fall.

Strong arms were around her waist as she squealed in surprise. Her body was now completely pressed against a hard, flat stomach, her ample cleavage now pushed up against a lean, muscular chest, and her wide brown eyes now completely lost in the most incredible set of eyes she’d ever seen. They were as amazing as she’d hoped they’d be. It reminded her of the brochures that travel agencies used to promote faraway island getaways. She was pretty sure those photos were edited to highlight the perfectness of the warm water, but this man’s eyes were definitely not enhanced in any way. He was just…spectacular.

“Are you okay?” he asked over the thump of the music.

Jessie pulled her eyes from his, her languid head remembering the awkward situation that she’d gotten herself in. She laughed, the alcohol in her system covering her embarrassment. “Yeah, I’m just not having a good shoe day.” She picked up her foot, the insole mostly dry by now, but still a little squeaky, she was sure.

Not understanding, he only smiled at her and gently released her from his arms. Jessie found that she missed the contact, and stepped into his side, closer than she generally stood to complete strangers. He didn’t back off though, just continued to sweep those amazing eyes over her face. Even in her drunken haze, it pleased her that he focused more above her neck, than below it.

She handed him the drink, or what was left of it, since some had splashed onto the floor during her scuffle and was now resting in a pool by his shoes. She raised her own as he tentatively took the glass she offered him. “Drink with me?” she asked, in a way that really didn’t sound like a question.

He smiled and raised his glass. “Cheers.”

They touched glasses and Jessie watched as he closed those marvelous orbs and swished back the drink. She left her own eyes open, wondering how those full lips, pressing so softly against his glass, would feel like pressing against her. A little surprised at her immediate attraction to this unnamed man, she shook her head and laughed a little.

Gently laying his glass down on his table, he politely said, “Thank you.” Jessie flushed at his simple words. Amazing, how two small syllables were doing so much more for her than an entire night of hip grinding had done.

He looked over her flush, his smile captivating. Then his hand came out, right at hip level. As hers were nearly pressed into him, she had to back up a step. “My name’s Kai.”

Jessie smiled at the excuse to grab his hand. She didn’t shake it, so much as clench it and press it against her belly. His mouth dropped open a little.

“Kai…with the beautiful eyes,” she murmured drunkenly and he shook his head, laughing a little. “Hi…I’m Jessie.”

He grinned and leaned down on the waist high table, the move bringing his head closer to hers. She bit her lip. “Thank you for the drink, Jessie.”

Surprising herself, she asked, “Are you here alone?”

He looked down at the table, seemingly shy again, then he peeked back up at her. “I am…just got into town actually. I don’t really know anybody yet.”

Jessie smiled widely at the unattached, beautiful man in front of her. “Well, would you like to get to know me?” A part of her slow brain couldn’t believe she’d just asked him that. It sounded way more forward than she generally was, but…there was just something about him.

He looked down again, adorably, then met her gaze unwaveringly. “I think I’d like that.”

Smiling and stroking his fingers against her stomach, she glanced at his nearly empty beer bottle on the table and thought to get this seemingly shy guy up to her level of carefree-ness. Taking a step back, she pulled his arm so he would follow her. “Come on, we need to get you caught up.”

He smiled and willingly allowed her to lead him. Jessie carefully avoided the section of the bar where her friends were watching her every move. She didn’t need them drunkenly interfering in her flirtations, scaring the guy off. At the other end of the bar, a girl was tending to the customers and Jessie walked up, pulling her newfound friend’s arm around her waist. Sidling up behind her, he kept a slight distance between them. Jessie leaned back a little, wanting to feel that hard body along the length of her. His free hand trailed down her bare arm and she shivered, even in the heat of the club.

She practically shouted a shot order at the straining-to-hear bartender, and stepped back with the beautiful boy once she was handed them. He tilted it back, closing his eyes again, and Jessie smiled, watching him and picturing those lips on hers again.

He winced a bit as the strong liquid burned through him. She’d switched to hard stuff long ago, but he’d apparently not gotten there yet. Jessie spent the next several minutes…getting him there. By the time his smile was loose and easy, his hands casually slipping over her body, Jessie decided to move their foreplay to the dance floor, where his fingers all over her would be a natural thing.

His tropical eyes never leaving her face, she placed one leg strategically between his. Draping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him flush against her. He ran his hands down her back, pulling her hips into his body as he positioned himself in such a way, that they were straddling each other’s thighs. They moved together more naturally and perfectly than any of the frat boys she’d danced with earlier. As their hips briefly touched while they grinded together, Jessie was reminded of far more intimate actions, actions that she hadn’t had in awhile. Her sloppy mind could quite easily picture doing all sorts of intimate acts with him.

As the music and other gyrating bodies danced around them, she let herself get lost in those absorbing eyes. Running her hands through his dark hair, she brought her face to his, resting her forehead against him. He stared down at her, his lips open as he breathed shallowly. Her eyes pulled away from that intense gaze, to stare down at those lips – full, soft, perfect. She was so close she could feel his light breath. She was so drunk she wanted to feel it closer. Letting her earlier fantasy of kissing him fuel her, Jessie shifted their heads until their lips connected.

It was brief, a bare brushing of soft lip against soft lip. But for the heat in her body, it could have been an accident.  His hand clenched her hip. Her hand tightened in his hair. This wasn’t something Jessie usually did, making out on a dance floor with a guy whose name her drunken brain couldn’t even remember, but she’d been denied a physical encounter with a man for awhile now. And, April had promised her that tonight would be fun. And…she was really drunk.

She noted his eyes closing fractionally as they continued slowly moving against the other. They were in no way keeping time with the fast, thumping music, but making a beat of their own, perfectly in sync to the rhythm of their bodies, if not the world around them. Jessie sighed at the brief contact, letting the anticipation of more contact burn through her, igniting her. She could feel her drunken body responding, her arousal building, and hoped that he was feeling it too. Unlike the pervy older guy she’d danced with earlier, she wouldn’t mind feeling some of his hardness grazing against her thigh.

When his eyes reopened, Jessie could see the desire in them. Maybe she couldn’t feel him yet, but she knew he was, at the very least, interested. She smiled and brought her lips back up to his; tentative and soft again, teasing him. He didn’t let her leave it at teasing though. As she ran her lips over his, he shifted his head, to fully enclose her mouth. The electricity was immediate. One of his hands left her hip to grab her cheek, holding her securely to him. His soft lips encouraged hers to part as the tip of his tongue slipped inside. She groaned and leaned against him, their already smashed together bodies connecting even more.

Her hand grabbed a handful of his hair, shifting his mouth so she could feel all of his tongue sliding against hers. She felt the rumble in his chest as he groaned an approval. She hoped that if he hadn’t wanted her before, he did now. When his hand slinked over her backside, bringing her leg slightly up his hip, he confirmed that he did. As their lower bodies shifted slightly, she could feel his need for her pressing into her body.

She moaned in his mouth, running her other hand up his shirt. Whoever this man was, he appealed to her, and she to him. Jessie wasn’t typically one to jump right into a physical relationship, but her inebriated mind and torn heart, just wanted to feel good. And his erection pressing just above her pubic bone, felt really good.

Forgetting her earlier idea of not being easy, forgetting that her two best friends probably watching her make out with a stranger, she broke away from his mouth and ran her lips up to his ear. Over the loud music, she panted, “You live close by?” She really hoped he said yes; a long cab ride would probably douse her buzz and change her mind, and her body was screaming for this, she didn’t want to change her mind.

With a movement that had nothing to do with dancing anymore, he pulled her hips into his. In her ear he said back, just as breathily, “Yes. A couple blocks up the street.”

He brought her lips back to his, the hand from her cheek, slipping to her breast. She thought that if they didn’t change locations soon, April was never going to be able to show her face in this club again. She pulled back from him, his tongue lightly flicking against her lip as they separated. Hissing in a quick breath, she ran a finger down those amazing lips. “Take me there.” Again, she was shocked at her own forwardness, but she was still too drunk to care about it.

His mouth dropped open at her words and she took the opportunity to playfully press her finger against his tongue. He groaned and closed his lips around her, his eyes closing as well. As wet warmth enclosed around her finger, she imagined that warmth on other places of her body. She let out a frustrated whimper and shifted against his hips, the ache in her core, shifting to a nearly painful throb.  He removed her finger and crashed his lips back down to hers. Panting and grinding near uncontrollably, she heard him mutter, “Yes.”

Pushing his chest back, they panted at each other, a foot apart. “I’ll meet you outside in five,” she said huskily, then moved in, to suck on his lower lip. He shuddered and his thumb sweeping over her breast, circled her nipple. Letting him go, she rested her head against his as she forced their bodies away from each other. With how badly she wanted him, staying on this dance floor would not be a good idea.  Giving him one last kiss, she brushed past him. Needing to feel it, she ran her hands down the front of his jeans as she left. He did not disappoint her.

Heading straight for the door, Jessie was suddenly halted by a curious looking redhead. “Going somewhere, Jess?”

Jessie sighed, her body not wanting a concerned conversation at the moment. She tried to walk around Harmony, but her bare arms were enclosed by her friend’s surprisingly strong fingers. “No, seriously, where do you think you’re going?” Her light blue eyes narrowed as she looked over her drunken friend’s face. Jessie sighed at seeing her concern, but knew that if the tables were turned, there was no way she’d let her friend leave with a strange man. Girls got killed that way.

But again, Jessie was too drunk to really care about that. She leaned in and giggled into her friend’s ear. “I’m going home with the hot guy.”

Harmony looked over her shoulder, like she was looking for the hot guy. Seeming like she wasn’t seeing him, her eyebrows bunched together. “I don’t think so.” Bringing her eyes back to Jessie, she shook her head. “That’s a bad idea.”

“What’s a bad idea?” Jessie was assaulted from behind, arms going around her waist and a head of dark hair nestling on her shoulder. Jessie could smell the booze coming off of April and knew that her friend was feeling as little pain as she was. She giggled and leaned into April while Harmony answered her question.

“She thinks she’s going off with some guy.”

April brightened and twisted Jessie around to stare at her, surprised. “Oh, your first one night stand.” She placed a hand over her heart and crumpled her beautiful face. “I’m so proud.”

Jessie giggled while Harmony sighed. “April, she shouldn’t-”

Not needing a voice of reason at the moment, Jessie cut Harmony off. Slurring a little, she said, “I’ll be fine. We’re just going up the street a few blocks.” She pointed in the general direction of the front door. “I’ll have my phone in my purse. You can track me.” All the girls had downloaded an app for their phones that tracked each other’s locations, mainly for the fun of teasing each other when someone popped up in an odd place, say, the sex shop downtown that April frequented. They always turned the feature on whenever they went out together, just in case they got separated.

Harmony sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, but April thought that was perfect. She clapped Jessie on the back. “Great, have fun! You need it after your last loser.”

Harmony still looked unconvinced, but seemed torn on what to do. Jessie took that moment of indecision as her chance to get away. “Have a good night. I’ll call you later.” With that, she sloppily kissed Harmony on the cheek.

Moving to walk away, Jessie’s arm was surprisingly grabbed by April. “Here.” She reached in the pocket of her skinny jeans and pulled out a silver packet. Folding it in Jessie’s hand, a smile blossomed on her face. “Fun is great, but safe fun is better.”

Confused, Jessie unfolded her hand. Seeing a ribbed-for-her-pleasure condom packet, she looked up at April, incredulous that she’d had that in her pocket. April shrugged and smiled, twisting to rejoin her group of flirty boys on the dance floor.

Harmony watched her leave then looked back at Jessie. “Call me.” Jessie grinned and nodded, clenching her prophylactic. As she scooted away, Harmony called out. “Within the hour, Jess…if I don’t hear from you after that, I’m calling your dad.”

Jessie sighed and rolled her eyes. The last thing she needed was her dad finding out about what she was doing. Getting her things from the checkout girl, she stuffed the condom inside her purse and made sure her phone was on. Even sloppily drunk, she was still sort of cautious.

As she slipped her coat on, the bottom slightly damp from her incident earlier, her foggy head started to wonder if this was a bad idea. But then she slipped out into the frigid air…and saw him.

He was standing with his back to her, his hands in his jean’s pockets and his shoulders bunched up like he was really cold, even in his thick, dark jacket. Leaning into one hip, he looked out over the few cars flying down the street. His faded jeans perfectly highlighted the backside he was showing her, and desire nearly instantly trumped every other emotion in her head. As if he felt her approaching, he turned, and those sea-green eyes locked onto hers. She knew then, that bedding this man was the only thing that was going to happen tonight.

He smiled when he saw her, desire and relief that she’d shown, clear on his face. She walked up to him, as seductively as her drunken steps allowed, and immediately tossed her arms around his neck.  Their lips reunited, cold from the outside weather, but warming with their hot breath and needy, frantic movements. His hand slipped inside her trench coat as hers ran though his hair. She groaned as his palm cupped her bottom.

“Where?” she asked huskily. He grunted and started pulling her up the street.

It was the longest couple of blocks that she’d ever walked with someone. It didn’t help their progress that they often stopped to lean against walls or railings, or in some cases, windows. It didn’t help that every time he pressed against her, he seemed to be even harder, even in this chilly weather. It didn’t help that she was so ready for him, her underwear was a sodden mess.

Just as she was considering pulling him into an alley and having him service her right there, he pulled her to a flight of steps leading to an apartment complex. He fumbled in his jacket to get his keys ready, his mouth still locked on hers, and somehow they managed to open the entryway doors. They stepped into an elevator and she immediately started taking his jacket off.  As the metal contraption lifted into the air, he pressed her against the back wall and started nuzzling her neck.

His jacket in one hand, he pulled her out of the elevator when it dinged open. As she leaned against him, rubbing the front of his jeans, he tried to unlock his front door without closing his eyes. Grunting in frustration, he practically kicked the door in. She gasped as he pulled her through it, and then groaned when he immediately slammed her back into the closed door.

As she tossed her purse back into the apartment somewhere, he ripped off her trench coat. His eyes and voice needy, he exhaled around her lips, “God, I want you.”

Anticipation, excitement and a good dose of alcohol surged through her. “I want you too.” She helped him shuck off her coat, then brought her fingers to the waistband of his jeans. Muttering to herself, she said, “God, I hope you’re packing. I don’t need another Jeremy.”

He heard her though and pulled back a little. “Uh…I…well…”

Her high head not feeling the embarrassment that normally would have given her, she unzipped his pants and ran her hand inside. He was incredibly hard, thick, and delightfully sized. “Oh, thank god,” she breathed. Her philandering boyfriend had frequently been none of those things.

He laughed deep in his throat and attacked her mouth. Pulling her back from the door, his hands flew to the zipper of her short dress. Starting to walk through what looked like a kitchen, he flicked on a switch and they stepped through an open doorway, into a small square of a room. Jessie shucked off his shirt, tossing it to the shaggy carpet, and eyed his wonderfully colored skin. There was an intriguing black design coming over his shoulder, swirling down to his collar bone. She traced the dark tattoo, placing a soft kiss at the ending point of one of the swirls. The rest of his chest was as fit as his arms and she ran her fingers down the firm muscles, while he finished with the deceptively long zipper of her dress. Shrugging it off her shoulders, she let it fall to a heap at her feet.

He took a moment to enjoy the sight of her scantily dressed body, her black bra and underwear matching the heels that she was still wearing, then he popped off his shoes and pushed down his jeans. She watched him breathlessly, her hands running over any inch of skin on him that she could touch. When he was just in black boxer-briefs, he grabbed her arm and pulled her forward. She stumbled into his body and then crashed into his lips. He shifted and then twisted her, the move making her fall over. Just as she gasped and expected to crash into a hard floor, she bounced on a springy mattress.

Looking around, she noted that his apartment was a studio, he literally slept in the living room, and they were safely on a mattress in the middle of the floor. Just a mattress – no headboard, no box springs, nothing raising it off the ground. The rest of the room was an assortment of opened and closed boxes; he really had just gotten here. Just as she thought to comment, he grabbed her thighs and straddled them around his hips. Settling himself in-between, he finally pressed that wonderfully full manhood against her. She wouldn’t have cared if they were screwing on the floor after that.

She groaned at feeling that hardness firmly pressed against her, the scant silk of her underwear barely separating their needy flesh. He groaned as well, his hips moving against her as rhythmically as they had in the club, while his mouth lingered down to her jaw. Breathing heavily down her throat, those marvelously soft lips traveled down to her bra. He kissed her once through the fabric, then brought some fingers up to harshly move the lace aside. She gasped when her breast was exposed to the cooler air of his studio, then moaned as his hot mouth closed around it. His tongue swirled around the nipple, his teeth lightly tugging, and she arched against his hips, writhing in torturous bliss.

She tucked her hands behind her and popped open the bra; it took a couple tries with her numb fingers. When the material was loose, he paused to rip it off of her, then brought his attention to her other soft peak. She moaned again and clutched his head to her.

A deep groan rumbling in his chest, his lips started heading south. She arched her back and pushed his head down, wanting what he was suggesting. She was drunk enough that she could ask for it too. “I want you to taste me.”

He paused, his head rocking against her belly, his hands clenching her hips. “Damn, that’s hot,” he muttered into her soft flesh.

Her liquored head not feeling the slightest bit embarrassed, she pushed his head again, urging him to keep going. He groaned, and harshly ripped down her underwear. Kissing her calves as he pulled the damp material off of her, he left the heels on. She loved that. Breathing heavily, his beautiful, tropical eyes lustful, he watched her naked body squirm on the mattress. She ran her hands down her front, squeezing the breasts he’d placed so much attention on earlier.

His mouth dropped open in a pant, then he settled himself between her thighs. As she dug her heel into his leg, he ran his tongue up her core. Jessie cried out, clutching his head to her again. Before closing her eyes at the bliss running up her body, she noticed the black streaks around his collar bone curved up over his shoulder, ending in a tribal design on his shoulder blade. It only emphasized his attractiveness.

That marvelous tongue in that beautiful boy’s mouth brought her right to the edge of release. Pushing him back before her drunken body could go over the edge, she aggressively pushed him all the way to his back. His breath heavy, he let her take control. She gave his body the same attentions he’d just given her, starting at his nipples and ending with his core. When her lips were firmly wrapped around that glorious manhood, he cried out and clutched her hair.

She used whatever parts of her body she could to bring him to the edge. When he was rocking against her and nearly whimpering, she pulled back. She looked up at his firm body lying beneath her, his head tilted back as he panted, his marvelous eyes closed. Just as he was opening those eyes to look at her, she crawled on his lap and pushed herself down on top of him. His mouth dropped open and his eyes shut for a second. Jessie’s did too. The feel of all that length and width inside of her was unlike anything she’d felt before. Even drunk, she appreciated it.

Their hips moved together automatically, building to a rhythm that was increasing in speed and intensity. Jessie leaned back on his thighs, exposing all of her bouncing body to him. His fingers came up to feel that body gliding along his. While one of his hands cupped Jessie’s breast, the other slid down to where they were connected. His thumb circled around her core and Jessie cried out, tossing her head back as she instantly came. It was the deepest, most satisfying orgasm she’d ever had. Ten times what Jeremy had ever given her.

As she came down, he sat up under her, grabbing her thighs and pushing her up and over. With a grunt and a couple readjustments, he had her on her back on the mattress and continued pounding into her from above. Jessie sighed, her body, numb from alcohol and an amazing orgasm, enjoying the sensation of his plunging deeply into it.

As he breathed heavily in her ear, she trailed her fingers through his dark hair. Her head rolled off the edge of the mattress and looking up, she could see their tangled, naked bodies reflected back to her in a small television set across the room. She watched their bodies move together, watched his face as he approached his climax. He looked up then, his eyes drifting to hers watching them in the TV.

“Are you watching us?” he murmured, his voice tight. She groaned and smiled, and he dropped his head to her shoulder. “Jesus, that’s hot.”

Jessie continued her voyeurism, feeling and watching the way his body moved as he rocked above her. It was mesmerizing and erotic, and she felt her body responding again. Moaning, she moved her hips harder under his. He groaned in her shoulder, his hand on her waist encouraging her hard movements. He sucked in a quick breath. “God, I’m close.” His voice was tight as he added, “I’m…”

He let it trail off and she grabbed his head, bringing his eyes back to hers. “Say it,” she panted, again shocked at her own aggressiveness. Hard alcohol did surprising things to her.

He groaned, his beautiful face breaking into a look that men only got when they were about to release. On most, it wasn’t that appealing. On him, it was breathtaking. “I’m coming,” he groaned and then his hips slowed over her, a low cry escaping him.

Feeling him, hearing him, the eroticism of the moment hit her all at once, slamming her into a sudden climax, and she started coming for a second time. They rode out their joint orgasm together, and as he spilled inside of her, Jessie’s slow head suddenly remembered the condom tucked away in her purse. Oops.

Chapter   2

One Morning

No sooner had Kai emptied himself in the woman writhing beneath him then the woman’s purse started ringing. It took a moment for Kai’s mind to register the sound. Really, it took his slow mind a minute to register anything other than – ‘that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.’ Panting in her shoulder, he felt her shift beneath him.

Not wanting to crush her, he pulled out and shifted to her side. She ran her hands through her dark brown hair, her dark as chocolate eyes closing. He’d been mesmerized by those eyes in the club. He’d never seen eyes that dark that had also been that alive. They’d trapped him nearly instantly, even before all the booze she’d poured down his willing throat. Combined with the way she moved and the aggressive way she talked, and he was hers, she could have done anything she wanted to him. He smiled as he considered that in a way, she had.

He ran a finger through a ringlet of her dark hair, loving the way it wrapped around his hand, possessing him. Her satisfied eyes shifted to him, running down his body before flicking back up to his face. “God, that was…”

She trailed off as she finally heard the buzzing in the room. Her face scrunched adorably as she looked around for the sound. “Shit.” Her hands started searching around his mattress, her lean, toned body twisting in intriguing ways as she started searching through their clump of clothes for the culprit. With an almost frantic look in her blurry eyes, she sat up and looked at him. “What time is it?”

He sat up and scrunched his face, wondering why time was an issue. He wasn’t kicking her out or anything. “I have no idea. Why?” Thinking she may be looking for an excuse to leave, he added, “I know I don’t have much, but you can stay.”

She started shaking her head as she slipped her underwear back on and attempted to slip on her bra. She had a little trouble enclosing those wonderfully large breasts in the fabric, and Kai brushed some of her hair aside to help her with it. She gave him a grateful glance but shook her head again. “She’s gonna kill me if I don’t…” She cut off as her phone stopped buzzing. “Shit,” she exclaimed again.

Kai grabbed her dress as she ran a frantic hand through her hair. “What? Who?”

She grabbed the dress and staggered to her feet as she put it on. Kai slipped on his underwear and stood beside her, feeling himself sway a little as well. His head swimming as he tried to focus on her frustrated face, he watched as she started looking around his boxes for the purse she’d flung in here earlier. “Harmony. She’s going to kill me if she can’t get a hold of me.”

Kai came around the other side of the bed. On the way, he noticed a black clutch poking between his box of books and an open box of dishes. He carefully bent down and picked it up. Walking around to where she was now digging through his box of clothes, he handed it to her. Her wildly searching hands didn’t notice at first. “Here,” he said quietly, wondering if she’d take off the minute she had it. Still not hearing him, she started muttering that this Harmony person was going to call her dad, and then S.W.A.T. would be knocking down the door. Furrowing his brow at hearing that, Kai tapped her shoulder with the purse. “Jessie, here.”

Hearing her name, she paused and looked over at him. Blinking, she stood straight and grabbed it. “Thank you…” She bit her lip and then dug around inside her purse. Kai noticed a small packet drop to his floor, but ignored it as he started to doubt that she even remembered his name.  Her eyes lingered down his body as she flicked her phone open.

His head starting to spin, Kai sat back on his bed and then laid back. Hearing her press a couple buttons and then start stumbling back and forth, like she was pacing, Kai ran both hands back through his hair. He’d definitely overdone it and his pleasant buzz was starting to take an unpleasant turn. Breathing steadily in and out his mouth, he thought maybe her leaving now would be a good idea. He wouldn’t want to ruin the memory of their night together by chucking on her heels.

As he tried to calmly breathe, he heard her exclaim into the phone, “Hey. No, I’m fine. I couldn’t find the phone. Yes, I’m dressed.” Her voice sounded a little put out and Kai peeked up at her. Her beautifully full lips were in an adorable pout as she sat back with a hand on her hip. Kai smiled, but then his vision of her started to twist and he shut his eyes. That made the whole room start to twist and he opened them to stare at the center of his ceiling.

Over his shoulder he heard her say, “You’re in front of the building? Okay…okay. God. I’m coming down.”

She shut off the phone and Kai risked a glance at her. She twisted in his sight, but he breathed through the discomfort. Stumbling on her feet, she stuffed the phone back in her purse. “I have to go…my friends are here.” She pouted like she really wanted to stay, and gave Kai another once over. Even drunk, tired, and on the verge of vomiting, Kai’s body reacted to that, just a slight twitch.

Not noticing, she sighed and attempted to lean down to him. She ended up falling over his body. Laughing, she pressed her breasts nearly into his face. His body reacted even more to that. Still trying to not be sick, he let out a soft laugh and tried to help her stand back up. Pausing while she hovered over him, her long ringlets curtained their faces, for a moment, blocking out everything but them. She sighed, the alcohol on her breath worrying his stomach, but igniting his body. Bringing a hand to his cheek, she bit her lip. “I had a great time,” she whispered, leaning down to place those full lips on his again.

Kai sighed, angling his head to feel more of her mouth on him, remembering, savoring. His hands dug through those dark curls, holding her head to him for a moment. She let him explore her, feel her, but eventually, and seemingly reluctantly, she pulled away. Just as she said, “I have to go,” Kai heard a car honking on the street. He released her, also reluctantly, and then nodded as his eyes closed, suddenly exhausted.

She sighed and gave him a last lingering kiss. Then he felt her lips retreating and heard her grab her coat from the kitchen before opening the door. “Bye,” he whispered, before he started to lose consciousness. Before he completely did, he thought he heard her say, “Goodbye.”

Kai’s thoughts tumbled in and out of coherence as he dreamed of the encounter over and over again. He would have dreamt about it all night and well into the morning, but way before it was acceptable for it to, his phone started ringing. His cell was set to an annoyingly loud ring, and right as his hand flopped over to find the damn thing, he vowed to change the setting.

Cursing that he couldn’t find his phone any better than Jessie had been able to find her purse, he also vowed to get his place in order soon. He’d moved in a couple of days ago, and had only meant to go out last night to explore his new city. Not knowing many people here, he’d set out in the hopes of finding someone his age to hang out with. He had certainly never expected what had happened, to happen to him. One night stands were not his thing. His usual pattern was steady dates that eased into sexual relationships. But that girl. Something about her had appealed to every part of him. Plus, he’d been a little tipsy to begin with, and when she’d started pouring drinks down him, well, everything had sort of amplified after that.

Sitting up, he squinted in the bright lights of his still lit studio, and brought a hand to his throbbing head. His annoyingly loud cell ring was not helping. Grunting in pain, he pushed himself to standing. He wobbled a bit on his feet before he gained his equilibrium.  Seeing his phone on top of his old TV, he sighed and staggered over to it. Grabbing it with half-numb, thick fingers, he managed to flick it on with his eyes closed.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, his forehead pounding in his skull. He’d definitely overdone it last night. On several different levels.

A far too bright voice answered his slurred greeting. “Oh, hi, honey. It’s Mom.”

Kai contained a sigh. She always announced that it was her when she called, like somehow, after twenty-three years, he wouldn’t recognize her voice on the other line. “Hi, Mom.” He grudgingly sank down to his bed, looking over his shoulder into the kitchen, where he could just make out the time on the microwave. Even with his blurry vision, he could see that it was hardly a decent hour. “You do realize I’m four hours later than you, right?”

His mother gasped, just now realizing this. “Oh, right. Sorry, honey. Sometimes I forget just how far away Colorado really is from Hawaii… I hate you being so far away.”

Kai stifled another sigh. He loved his mother, but it was entirely too early for this and his head was killing him. Lying back on his mattress, he yawned. “Why are you still awake? It must be past midnight there?”

She sighed, drearily. “I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve been worrying about you. Are you alright? Is it nice there? Have you met anyone yet?”

Kai blinked and stared at his ceiling. His hand trailing over his bare chest scratched a phantom itch and he finally let that sigh out. He couldn’t exactly tell his mom about his one night stand. He was pretty sure that’s not what she meant about meeting someone. “It’s fine, I’m fine. But I’ve only been here a few days, Mom. I haven’t even had a chance to see Grandma yet.” He yawned into the phone again. “I was going to do that tomorrow…er, today, I guess.”

His mom sighed into the phone and he could easily picture her on their back porch, staring off at the dark Pacific Ocean. He thought he could even hear the waves pounding in the background. It gave him a surprising twinge of homesickness. “Right, I’m getting ahead of myself. I just miss you. When do you start work?”

Kai stirred in his messy sheets, wishing he could fast forward both this conversation and his headache; both were paining him at the moment. “Monday, Mom.”

“Right…of course.” She paused for a long time and Kai thought to sneak in a, “talk to you tomorrow,” so he could attempt to get back to sleep, but she beat him to it with, “Have you met your boss yet?” Her voice came out tentative.

Kai frowned. His new boss was a friend or acquaintance of his parents. Well, Kai wasn’t all that sure what relationship they had with the man, other than they’d all worked together once, back in Hawaii. It was how Kai had gotten a job here, all the way in snowy Colorado. “No…I’ve only talked to him on the phone. I guess I’ll meet him Monday too.”

Another long pause from his mom. “Oh, right. Well, I suppose I should let you get back to sleep. I love you, Kai. I’ll try not to call so early next time.”

He grinned into the phone. “I love you too, Mom. Thank you.” Kai flicked off the phone and tossed it on the floor. Still praying for his head to stop throbbing, he shut his eyes and let exhaustion pull him back into his dreams.

When he awoke, several hours later, a bright shaft of sunlight hit his eyes. Although it had to be near noon by now, Kai’s body was sluggish as he sat up and ran a hand through his dark hair. It wasn’t entirely the remnants of alcohol leaving him that made him sluggish either. While that was definitely making him slow and making his throat feel like it had been scoured with a Brillo pad, it was more adjusting to the different time zone that was throwing him off. His body still wasn’t used to it, and while the clock on the microwave confirmed to him that it was nearly twelve thirty, his body was trying to tell him that no, it was only eight thirty. He hoped that he’d finally convince his body to play along with Mountain Time by Monday morning.

Standing, he shuffled to the bathroom, sticking his head under the faucet to relieve the thirst. Shifting through a box on the counter, he found a bottle of aspirin on the very bottom and took four. His head was throbbing still and, although the room had thankfully stopped spinning, he needed some external help to get through this hangover.

Having a natural affinity for the feel of water along his body, he decided to take a quick shower. As the warm water cascaded down his back, he again had a split second of homesickness. Whenever he and his friends had overdone it at some party on the beach, he’d just dive into the ocean to perk his spirits back up. There was nothing quite like the mix of muggy air, warm water, and pounding waves, to make you forget the throbbing, thirst educing torture of waking up from drunken night of debauchery.

Sighing as he rummaged through a box in his living room, well, his only room truly, he thought again about the mysterious woman he’d slept with last night. That hadn’t been like him at all, bringing a strange woman home with him, tossing her down on his bed, and driving into her like both of their lives had depended on it. While not typical, he had to smile as he sat down and put on his shoes. Whatever it had been, had been amazing.

Shivering a bit in the cooler than he was used to air, he threw on a second long-sleeved shirt and shuffled the three steps it took to get to his kitchen. Since he hadn’t gone shopping yet, and didn’t have a whole lot of food, he made his meal standard: a bowl of cereal. He had every intention of getting stuff he needed and putting his place together today…once his body stopped kicking him in the ass.

Kai sighed at the numerous opened and unopened boxes around the room, most not having any other place to go than a box, since he didn’t have much in the way of furniture, not even a bed frame for his mattress. Shaking his head as he stood at the counter and finished his meal, he decided to deal with the apartment later. First, he’d visit with the only person he knew in this city, his grandmother.

Feeling that it was late enough to call her, he trudged through his mess to find, again, where he’d flung his phone. Seeing it wedged in-between two boxes near his TV, he couldn’t help but stare at the television screen for a second. He could see his bed reflected back to him and smiling, he shook his head. Jessie watching them have sex had been one of the hottest things he’d ever seen. Her smile when he’d started getting close… Kai was sure that the mental snapshot of her face was going to stay with him for awhile.

Flicking open the phone, he sat on his mattress again and rubbed his temple. His head was feeling better, thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, but he still felt a bit rundown.

The phone rang forever and on the sixth or seventh ring, Kai started to get worried. He’d called his grandma often when he’d started making plans to come out here, and she never let it go past three rings. His grandmother was a pretty tough woman. She’d had nine kids in half again as many years. She’d home schooled them all and gotten each one sent off to really good colleges. She was big on family bonds and had managed to stay in touch with every member of her dispersed, expanded family. She’d even visited Kai’s in Hawaii every year, right up until the time his parents had gotten divorced. After that, she’d stopped coming around, but she’d never stopped being a part of Kai’s life, calling him throughout the year, sending him cards and handmade gifts on holidays and his birthday, even baking him cookies at least three times a year. While it had been years since he’d actually seen the woman, Kai had never stopped feeling that bond with her.

He hung up the phone and started pacing his small room. After ten minutes, he decided to call back. She could have been in the bathroom or maybe outside, tending to her greenhouse. Kai’s grandpa had died several years ago, and with most of her children spread throughout the globe, she’d been living alone at her house for a long time. Kai knew she was self sufficient, but she wasn’t getting any younger either. She was well in her eighties, and people that age could get hurt pretty easily. When she still hadn’t picked up, Kai felt a drop-in wouldn’t be uncalled for. Making sure he had his wallet, he grabbed his jacket from the floor of the kitchen and locked up his apartment.

Making his way to the apartment’s underground parking, he found his street bike right in the spot he’d left it. He hadn’t had a whole lot when he’d moved here, but a finding a cheap motorcycle had been his first priority. Slipping on the helmet slung over the handlebar, he settled himself over the bike. He’d happened across an ad for a 2005 Honda CBR600F4i while combing for an apartment. He’d secured and paid for the bike while still in Hawaii, knowing that he could probably fix anything that happened to be wrong with it. He’d been around bikes his whole life, spending many summers fixing them up with his dad.

As he kick-started it and the engine immediately roared to life, he thought he’d gotten pretty lucky – it ran like a dream. Sloshing through the wet streets, he almost second guessed his decision about a motorcycle in the freezing Mile High City, but he was bike guy, he’d had to have one. And he had to admit, this was a pretty nice one. It was shiny, chromed, bright red, and unbelievably fast. Maybe he’d save up and get a jeep too, so he could be a little more insulated from the ice and chill, but for right now, he could get by with just a sporty motorcycle.

Flying down the wet streets, the bottom of his jeans getting soaked, he drove the fifteen minutes to where his grandmother had told him her house was. Well, it should have taken him fifteen minutes, but not knowing the city very well, it ended up taking over a half hour. Finally finding it, he shut the bike off, propped his helmet on the handlebar, and walked up to the modest, white, one-story dwelling.

Empty flower boxes were in the windows and an empty bird feeder was perched right in front of a large bay window. Kai peeked through the window as he approached the place, but the house was dark, all the lights off. Kai’s dad had told him that his mom didn’t leave her house much anymore. He’d been thinking of putting her in a home, but Kai had convinced him that he would check in on her as often as he could while he was here. Kai understood holding onto your independence.

Just as he brought his hand up to knock on the door, a voice startled him from over his shoulder. “Are you looking for Millie, son?”

Kai turned and looked over at a wrinkled old lady peeking out of her front door in the house next to his grandmother’s. “Um, excuse me?” he said politely, his head still feeling a little slow.

The old woman stepped out of her door, shuffling as she came out to her porch. Clutching a fuzzy blue robe around her body, she tilted her head at Kai. “Millie Harper. That’s her house, but she’s not there. Are you looking for her?”

Kai turned to the nosey neighbor and dropped his hand from where he still had it raised to knock. “Uh, yeah. Do you know where she is?”

The old woman smiled, her face beaming like she was excited to finally be able to tell someone everything she knew. “Oh, it s been a busy morning. Ambulances, fire trucks. Very exciting.”

Kai’s eyes widened and he took a step towards the woman. If his grandmother had had a heart attack while he’d been sleeping off a hangover, he didn’t think he would ever forgive himself for not taking five minutes to come out and see her. “Is she okay?” he called out.

The woman frowned at seeing his concerned face. “Yeah, she’ll be alright, son, don’t fret. She fell, broke her hip.”

Kai puffed out a quick breath, relief flooding him. Immediately, concern filled it. “Is she at the hospital then?” He looked around, barely remembering where his apartment was from here, let alone a hospital he’d never been to.

The woman coughed loudly, her small body racking with the movement. Kai’s eyes widened, wondering if maybe he’d have to rush this curious little old lady to the hospital too. After a moment, her spasm passed. “Yeah, they drove her away. She’s probably already been patched up.”

Kai closed his eyes, hoping everything had gone okay. Opening them, he looked around the streets again. “Um, I’m new here. Can you tell me where the hospital is?”

The old lady smiled. “Sure. How do you know Millie, boy?”

Kai walked across the lawns between the small houses. Coming up to the woman on her porch, he sighed. “She’s my grandmother,” he said softly.

The old woman sighed as he approached and put a gnarled hand on his arm when he was finally in front of her. “I’m sure she’ll be fine, son.”

Kai nodded and then started listening carefully as she went over the often confusing directions.

Twenty minutes later, he was approaching St Anthony Central Hospital. The massive building loomed before him as he shut off his bike and pulled off his helmet. The woman’s directions had been nearly impossible to follow, relying more on landmarks than actual road signs, but he’d eventually deciphered where “the house with the purple door” and “the yard with the ‘beware of dogs’ sign” were, and made it here. Slinging his helmet over the handle bar, he walked through the front doors.

After convincing the nurse at the front desk that he was family, he was finally given her room number and headed up to the second floor to find her. Walking through the antiseptic smelling halls, he considered if he should call his dad or not. He wouldn’t call his mom, since there was no love between those two, but his dad would definitely want to know. Deciding he’d call after he’d talked to her and found out how badly she’d been hurt, he knocked lightly on door number 210.

A musical voice answered him. “Come in.”

He smiled at hearing her perky voice and then peeked his head into the room. She brightened immediately upon seeing him, her frail hands coming up to cover her mouth. “Kai, oh honey, you’re here.” Tears sprang into her warm brown eyes and Kai shook his head as he came over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t cry, Gran.” He leaned down to give her a quick hug, careful to not jostle her around too much. “Are you alright? Are you in pain?”

She shook her head on the pillow as he pulled away. “I’m fine, honey.” Then she lightly smacked his chest. “Why didn’t you call me the moment you got into town? I’d have picked you up from the airport, made you a big meal, and helped you put away all of the boxes that are probably littering some tiny little apartment that you’re trying to call a home.”

He laughed as he looked at the tiny woman. “That’s why, Gran. I wanted to get settled in myself.” He smiled at the woman as he held her hand. She didn’t really look much like him, but that was to be expected. His mother was native Hawaiian, born and bred, and he’d inherited a lot of her exotic Polynesian looks. His skin was a deep golden brown, his features almost slightly Asian, with the exception that his eyes were a shade of bluish-green that he’d been told his entire life was remarkably beautiful. The eyes were the only things that really made him stand apart from his mother. The woman being engulfed on this massive bed, reminded Kai of his father – light skin, dark eyes, and before it had turned silver with age, warm brown hair.

She smiled up at him and patted his hand. “Well, I’m glad you’re here now.”

Kai nodded and started to reply, but the door to her room started to swing open. Kai automatically looked up, hoping a doctor was entering the room, so he could find out just how badly his grandma was hurt. Who it ended up being, could not have surprised him more. His mouth dropped wide open as he watched his one night stand walk into the room.

Jessie.

She looked more put together than he’d last seen her, early this morning. Her dark curly hair, loose around her shoulders before, was now pulled back into a cute ponytail. Her ample chest, emphasized earlier in a short, sexy dress, was now covered in a light gray sweater that clung to every curve. And low on her hips - hips that he’d been grasping in ecstasy just a handful of hours ago - were a pair of perfectly faded blue jeans. He held his breath as he took in the oddity of seeing her in the same room as his healing grandmother. Maybe she worked here? Although, she certainly wasn’t dressed like a nurse.

She didn’t notice him at first, her gaze going right to the old woman on the bed. “They only had apple juice and orange juice, I couldn’t find any cranberry.” She stopped talking about the juices she was holding in either hand as her eyes suddenly spotted Kai sitting on the bed. Her mouth dropped just as far open as his had, her dark eyes widening. He wanted to talk to her, but found he couldn’t speak through his own shock.

His grandmother ended up breaking the sudden silence. “Oh good, I’m glad your back, dear. Look who showed up.”

Jessie’s face clouded over and Kai found himself pulling back instinctually. Her brow creased as she stepped up to the edge of the bed. “Are you following me?” she asked, a little heatedly.

That reaction got his mouth moving again. “You? You’re the one following me. How did you know I would be here?”

She blinked, her bow scrunching even more. “What the hell are you talking about? What are you doing here?”

Kai’s grandma took offense to Jessie’s language. “Little Miss, you watch your tongue. That is no way to talk to people.” Her gray brows bunched as she looked between Kai and Jessie. “Have you two already met?” she asked curiously.

Jessie straightened, her face flushing, as she set the juices on the nightstand. “No, not really.”

Kai scoffed at that, but didn’t say anything at the scathing glare he got from the girl. Not really? What they’d done had kind of been a little more than the average getting to know you. However she knew his grandmother though, she obviously didn’t want to share their night with her, anymore than he’d wanted to share it with his mom earlier. He could understand that. He wasn’t exactly going to tell his grandmother about it either.

Millie grinned as she patted both his arm and Jessie’s hand. “Well, you should officially meet. You two should get along pretty well, since you’re about the same age.”

Kai scrunched his brow farther and nodded his head at his grandmother. “How do you know her?” he asked Jessie, his eyes locked on hers, gauging her reaction carefully.

Jessie paused, staring at his eyes for a moment, like she’d gotten lost in them. He blinked and moved his head to get her attention back to his question. Looking a little embarrassed, she shook her head and ran a hand back through her ponytail; the movement subtly highlighted her chest to him and he found himself a little lost too. He couldn’t help but remember his lips on that chest.

Her words, and the slightly acerbic tone to her voice, brought his attention back to her face though. “Me? I’m sure I’ve know her a lot longer than you. How do you know her?”

Kai scoffed at that and laughed a little. “You’ve known her longer? I highly doubt that.”

Millie laughed in her bed, patting them each again. Smiling at Jessie, her eyes warm and loving, she said, “Well, technically, Kai is right, dear.”

They both looked at her, curiosity nearly killing Kai at this point. Was she a family friend? Maybe that nosey neighbor’s granddaughter? Maybe she’d found his grandmother and had called the ambulance? His chest warmed at that thought and he had a slight smile on his lips while he watched Jessie’s confused face listen to his grandmother. Her next sentence made him listen too. Shifting her eyes back to Kai, she nodded her head at Jessie and warmly said, “Jessica Marie was born two months after you, Kai.”

Kai’s face paled as he stared back at the girl. Jessica Marie. He knew that name. That name could not seriously be the woman he was staring at. That name could not belong to the person he’d just had incredible sex with last night. No, she had to be someone, anyone, other than that name. His stomach rose as he gaped at her. She looked back at him, frowning. She hadn’t made the connection yet, or she wouldn’t look so confused still. He put a hand on his stomach, fearing he has going to heave whatever alcohol was still in there.

“Oh god,” he muttered. “Oh…god…”

He watched Jessie twist her face into clear irritation. She didn’t appear to like that he knew something she didn’t. With what he knew, he was positive she would prefer ignorance. As his throat tightened and his stomach twisted, he knew he’d prefer to go back to ten minutes ago, when his one night stand had been a pleasant memory.

His grandmother stroked his back, not having heard his low mutters. She smiled brightly at Jessie. “Jessica, dear, this is the boy I told you was coming up, to live here with us in Denver.” She smiled brightly at him. “All the way from Hawaii.”

Jessie looked confused and started shaking her head at the old woman. She wasn’t going to stay confused for very long. Feeling ill and still about to upchuck, Kai lifted his eyes to hers, right as his grandmother finished with her introductions.

“This is Kai Harper, dear…your cousin.”

************

Millie Harper had seen a lot of things in her long life. She’d lived as full of a life as one person could be blessed to have. She’d found her true love at a young age and they had filled their modest home with an exuberant, loving family. Millie had enjoyed every aspect of raising and caring for her family. Her beloved had provided her the opportunity to stay home with her brood, teaching them, molding their young minds. She’d taught them all to seek out what they wanted in life, to live each of theirs to the fullest.

As a result, she’d ended up losing them all. All nine of the beautiful children she’d birthed and raised, had left her nest to carve out their own lives. Her youngest son had remained in Denver the longest, sticking close to her side, but eventually a prestigious career in D.C. had called him away from her too. His youngest child, Jessica Marie, was the only family member that had remained in the State, and she looked after Millie, as if Millie was the grandchild, and not vice-versa.

Millie’s oldest son was Kai’s father. He’d traveled the farthest away from the pack, and Millie had done her best when she was younger, to visit with him often. At first, she’d enjoyed the visits with her son’s family on the tropical paradise they called home. She had found room in her heart to welcome and love Kai’s mother, and when Kai was born, it had been a cause for celebration. He’d been difficult for them to conceive, the only one of her children that had had difficulty in that area, the rest having four or five each. Her oldest daughter had even topped her with ten.

But Kai had been a miracle to her son and his young wife. The trio had made Hawaii a warm, loving home, but things had soured, and that marriage had ended. Millie had stopped visiting not long after. But she’d always remained as close to Kai as she could.

So, as she watched her favorite grandson finally be face-to-face introduced to her favorite granddaughter, Millie was having a problem understanding the oddness of their reactions. Kai’s beautiful, deeply tanned skin was paler than she’d ever seen it. His gorgeous tropical eyes were hugely wide as he stared at Jessica.

Jessica Marie was acting no less strange. Her mouth was wide open, her deep brown eyes struggling with what almost looked like disbelief. The two stared at each other while Millie glanced between them, wondering what the problem was. Maybe their original meeting hadn’t gone well? Maybe one of them hadn’t been nice to the other?

Just as Millie was about to break the odd silence, the hum of the machines in her room the only sound, Jessica started shaking her head. She took a step back from Millie, breaking their contact. “No, no that’s not possible.” She whispered that and Millie could have sworn that Kai flinched.

Millie bunched her brow as she watched the strange meeting. “Well, yes, I know you haven’t seen him much…or maybe ever, but he is your cousin.” Jessica’s hands flew to her mouth. Her eyes watered as she looked up at Millie, and then back over to Kai. He lowered his head as Millie gently asked, “Are you alright, dear?”

Jessica shook her head and looked about to start sobbing, but Kai stood and placed a large hand on Millie’s bony shoulder. “We need to speak outside for a moment, Grandma.” He smiled, although it did nothing to ease the look of almost illness on his face. “We’ll be back in a minute, okay?”

Millie nodded and he leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. From behind him, Millie heard Jessica start to mutter repeatedly, “Oh…my…god, oh…my…god…”

Millie was about to reprimand her granddaughter, but Kai grabbed her elbow, muttered something in her ear, and nearly pulled her from the room. She looked up at him a little horrified as they exited.

Curious.

Millie strained to listen as the door firmly swished closed, but her hearing wasn’t what it used to be, and she could barely make out more than the whirl and swish of the air vents circulating the stale currents. Resting back on her bed, she closed her eyes. Her hip ached a little from where she’d fallen this morning.  She rolled her eyes as she thought about that. She hadn’t been doing anything more exciting than getting the mail. She’d stumbled on the curb, lost her balance, and landed on her side. Thirty years ago, she would have laughed at the embarrassment, brushed herself off, and sprightly stood back up. But with the crack and the pain that had flashed through her body at that moment, she knew she was no longer a staunch fifty year old. She still felt like one. Heck, she still felt like a teenager. It was a shame her body disagreed.

She hadn’t been paying close enough attention to what she’d been doing and that had cost her a heap of pain. Oddly enough, she’d been thinking about Kai. She hadn’t realized he’d made it up already. She knew he’d be coming up soon, but hadn’t heard the official date yet. Coming up to start his new job. Millie frowned and opened her eyes at that thought.

Sighing, she cast a quick look at the door. She wasn’t sure if they were right outside, or had gone for a walk. Maybe they’d decided to head down for some coffee, catch up on what their fathers had been doing. Millie’s eyes went to the clock as she thought about her son in Hawaii. It was late in the afternoon, so he should be up and around.

Looking over at Jessica’s purse on her nightstand, Millie fingered through it until she found what she was pretty sure was a phone. Popping it open, she frowned. Millie tried to stay as up on technology as she could, but this thing had more buttons than her computer. Ignoring all the fancy icons, she started pressing the numbers. A series of digits lined up on the display and she smiled. Hitting what she hoped was the call button, she brought the phone to her ear.

She was rewarded with a ringing sound echoing back to her. After a few more moments, a voice rewarded her too. “Hello?” the voice sounded confused, not knowing who was calling.

“Hello, son. How are you this morning?”

She smiled into the receiver as she heard her son immediately respond with, “Oh, hey, Mom. I didn’t recognize the number. I’m fine, how are you?”

Millie laughed, her joints reminding her of her ache as she did so. They’d dosed her up pretty good, and her hip kind of felt a little numb. The rest of her felt sharp though. “A little stumble this morning, but I’m fine. My granddaughter is taking good care of me.”

A pause on his end and then, “You okay? Really?”

Millie scoffed into the phone. “Honey, I’ve had nine kids. A little tumble is nothing.” Her son laughed into the phone and she took that moment of levity to make her reason for calling known. “Kai came to see me today.”

Her son stopped laughing, sighing a little. “Yeah, I figured he would soon. He left Wednesday.”

Millie sighed and lay back on her pillows, staring at the ceiling. “What are the two of you thinking, sending him here?”

With a forced cheerfulness to his voice, he responded with, “Well, it’s a great job, and he can be close to you-”

She cut him off, knowing bull when she heard it. “That’s not why he’s really here, and you know it. Don’t play me for a fool, Nathan.”

She’d had suspicions over her son’s true motives before, and her son had picked up on that in previous conversations. He seemed a little exhausted, being called out on it now. “Mom…he needs to know.”

Millie closed her eyes and shook her head. “Why? What difference does it make at this point?”

He sighed, louder this time. When his voice came out, it was laced with anger. “He deserves to know the truth. Truth matters.”

Millie opened her eyes, her face softening as she listened to the pain in her son’s voice. “Does it? Did the truth do you any good? Did it do anything but ruin your marriage?”

He sighed again. “Mom…the truth is important. He should know. Leilani and I both feel that he should finally know. He’s an adult now…”

Millie bristled and raised her head off the pillows. “Yes, he’s an adult. Couldn’t you just sit and talk with him? Did you need to send him out here…to see him?”

A long pause from her son, and then in a near whisper, “I couldn’t do it, Mom. I couldn’t look at him and tell him… It’s better this way.”

Millie sighed. “Better for whom?”

Her son grunted in frustration. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Millie knew that she was starting to strain their relationship. She dropped her head back to the pillows and changed the course of what she’d been going to say. Instead, she softened her voice and responded with, “You’re right. I’ve never been in the position that you’re in, and I don’t know what I’d do. But, son, I know you think this will help him, but I’m telling you, you’re wrong about this. You will only hurt and confuse that boy, by forcing this upon him…and I won’t be a part of it. I won’t help you hurt him.”

Quietly, he responded in her ear, “We’re not asking you to, Mom. We didn’t send him to you, for you to tell him. But it’s already been started. The ball is in his court now and we’ll just see what he does with it.”

Millie sighed. “So, that’s your plan? You’re hoping that he will break the news for you, for the both of you. You’re making a mistake and I won’t help it along. Kai will never learn anything from me, and frankly, I hope he never finds out the truth.”

Her son sighed, like he was exhausted. “He’s going to, Mom. One way or another, he’s going to.” Millie sighed, hers sounding just as tired.  In a soft voice, her son continued. “I will tell him. If he doesn’t tell him the truth, then I will.”

Millie tried again to object, knowing it was useless; her son was set on this course. “Nathan…”

His voice harder, he cut off her feeble attempt. “No, Mom. This has to happen. Kai has to be told…that I’m not his father.”

Millie’s eyes watered as she pictured her son’s pain, as she pictured the future pain of Kai. None of this seemed like a good idea to her. With a stuttered exhale, she told her child, “But that’s just it, Nathan. You are his father. Even if there isn’t a speck of our blood in him, he is family, and he is your son.”

Her son sighed, tiredly. “He has to know the truth, Mom. Truth matters.”

Chapter   3

What's in a Name?

Jessie was going to be sick. She was sure of it. As she rested her hands on her thighs and inhaled and exhaled through her nose, she was sure her stomach was going to come right up her throat. She’d just had the most amazing sex she’d ever had…with her cousin. Her incredibly hot cousin, who was staring down the hallway of the hospital, looking a little ill himself.

Peeking back through the slit of a window into her grandmother’s room, she could just make out the old woman frowning at the door. She wondered if she suspected. How would Jessie explain that to her? God, she couldn’t even explain it to herself.

Looking back at Kai, she managed to squeak out, “We’re …related?”

Kai flinched, his unbelievable eyes narrowing as his face contorted. “It would seem so…” His hand went to his stomach and Jessie was pretty sure he felt the same nausea she did. She couldn’t believe she’d slept with someone who also called her grandma…grandma.

Jessie straightened, her hand still clutching the light fabric of her sweater. She watched Kai’s eyes flash down her body and then immediately dart away, his face going even paler. Jessie crossed her arms over herself, hiding as much of her curves as she could. While she’d enjoyed his attentions before, she definitely didn’t want him looking at her that way anymore. She wasn’t sure how she wanted him to look at her now. Cousin or not, she hadn’t been expecting to see him today. Really, she’d kind of been thinking that she’d probably never see him again.

When Jessie had been dragged away from his place this morning, it had been pretty irritating, especially since she’d wanted to stay a little longer. But she knew that Harmony was just being concerned for her…although, threatening to call her dad in D.C. if she didn’t leave was a little over the top. Jessie knew Harmony well enough to know that she’d do it too, and since Jessie didn’t need that sort of trouble, she’d grudgingly left his side.

She’d gone home with her friends and roommates and had successfully avoided any of their questions by faking that she’d passed out. She’d even slept on the couch to sell her fib. She just hadn’t wanted to talk about him yet. And honestly, she didn’t have a whole lot to say. He’d been amazing, and their connection had been intense, but she hadn’t known anything about him; she couldn’t even remember his name. She’d never been that drunk in her life and the rager of a headache that she’d woken up with had convinced her that she’d never get that drunk again.

She’d gone out to visit with her grandma, same as she did most Saturday mornings, and was greeted by a swarm of ambulances and chaos. Grams had fallen getting the mail and her kindly neighbor had called in help for her. Jessie kicked herself the entire drive out to the hospital that she hadn’t dealt with her hangover better. If she hadn’t been so slow that morning, she wouldn’t have been an hour late and her gram wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Once she’d arrived, Jessie had done all that she could to make her grandmother comfortable. Luckily, she’d only fractured her hip and hadn’t broken it.

Seeing her fling causally sitting with her grandma had been eerie, like he’d been stalking her. She’d heard of that happening with girls. Guys got obsessed and couldn’t let go. She had no idea how he’d found her, or why he’d chosen to cuddle up with a frail, old woman, but it had freaked her out. When the fact that Gram knew him had come out, confusion had completely blanked her mind. Gram had had to stupidly spell it out for her; she couldn’t even connect the dots herself.

The wave of sickness that had hit her once she did know was nearly overwhelming. She’d wanted to deny it away, not admit it. There was just no way that that had happened. What were the odds? Her…cousin, perhaps seeing her on the verge of a mental breakdown, had excused them from the room, grabbing her elbow and whispering, “Not here,” as he’d pulled her out of the door. Sickeningly enough, him touching her again, even completely sober, had excited her a little bit.

Watching him now, seeing the conflict swirling through that beautiful face, she could still feel the residual attraction. She couldn’t help it. He had perfect skin, a charming smile, hot hair and a sculpted physique. And then there were the eyes…so amazing that she couldn’t even look at them anymore.

“I need a drink,” he muttered.

Jessie frowned at him. “Isn’t that what got us into this mess in the first place?”

He ran a hand through his hair as he looked her over. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

Jessie nodded automatically, even though she wasn’t sure if that was what she really wanted. A part of her wanted to go back to the room her grandma was recovering in and hide under the blankets with her, like she used to when she was five.  A part of her still wanted to hide under some blankets with Kai. She immediately hated that part of herself.

He started walking, not looking to see if she was following. Shaking her head, she hurried to catch up. After she did, he glanced over at her. “I can’t believe this…” His hand went to his stomach again.

Jessie let out a shaky breath as his eyes flicked over her face. “I can’t either.” As they walked down the hall, nurses in scrubs scooting around them, Jessie thought again about the odds. Of all the cities, of all the clubs, of all the nights she’d let herself go, she’d run into her cousin…that had lived his entire life on an island she’d never even been to. Crazy. Irritated at the universe, she glanced up at him. “How could you not recognize me? You knew I lived here?”

As they walked through a set of double doors into the main artery of the hospital, Kai looked down on her, his face incredulous. “I haven’t seen a picture of you in years. And I think you were twelve in it.” He flung his hand out at her body. “You certainly didn’t look like this.” His eyes lingered on her hips for a moment, before quickly pulling away.

She flushed and tried to shield herself as they walked back down to the first floor. “Well, you could have recognized my name. I did give it to you.”

He stopped walking and she looked back at him, her brow scrunched. “You’re joking, right?” She was about to speak when he added, “They all call you Jessica Marie. You introduced yourself as Jessie. How was I supposed to make that leap?”

She put her hands on her hips and watched his face as he struggled to keep his eyes above her neck. Irritated at his very good point, she stepped directly in front of him. “You’re the one that came here, to where you knew I was. You should have been looking out for me.”

With a tight jaw he cocked his head and said, “I wasn’t expecting you to throw yourself at me.” Her eyes widened at that and she considered storming off, but his next comment firmly ground her in place. “Besides, Gran had nine kids, and they all had a crap load of kids. Do you have any idea how many cousins I have?”

Irritated again, she found herself snapping, “Yes! I get the yearly Christmas letter too!”

He flinched at that, but recovered quickly, irritation in his voice too. “Why didn’t you recognize my name? How many Kais have you heard of around here?”

Her hands dropped to her side as she sputtered on something intelligent to say. He did have a point. But honestly, she’d thought he was still thousands of miles away. She wasn’t expecting him to show up, looking all hot and lonely. Plus, she’d sort of forgotten it…right after he’d said it.

Seeing her at a loss for words, he smirked. “You didn’t remember it, did you?”

She stepped back, trying to look defiant. He saw right through it, crossing his arms over his chest. Her eyes flashed to his shoulder, remembering the tattoo there and horridly enough, wanting to see it again. “You forgot it. Immediately after you commented on my eyes, you forgot my name, didn’t you?”

Jessie hated how that sounded. She generally was very good with names, but she’d sort of had quite a few at that point and truly, barely still remembered their first meeting, although she could faintly pinpoint the stupid rhyme he was referring to. “I was a little…out of sorts.”

He smirked again, his crooked grin disturbingly sexy. “You were wasted.”

Her hands went back to her hips. “Look, you were supposed to be on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere, not in my backyard. And yeah, I didn’t remember your name, but you know what, Grams said she didn’t know when exactly you were coming, so no, I wasn’t expecting to find you in my city, at my club.”

He only stared at her, his eyebrow still cocked. She sighed at how attractive that was, her stomach churning, and grudgingly added, “Yes, I was wasted, okay. I’ve been having a bad streak lately.” She groaned that her bad streak had shifted into an especially bad streak.

He released a long exhale and relaxing his arms, started to walk down the hallway again. Stopping at a vending machine, he plopped in some quarters and they watched in silence as the machine spit out some black liquid that vaguely resembled coffee. When it shut off, he handed her the cup and put in some more quarters. Jessie found her eyes straying to his hips, her mind flashing back to places it really shouldn’t be going. When he turned to face her, she was still staring at his hips. She flushed and brought her eyes back up to his. Being caught staring at her cousin’s privates was not helping her nerves.

Sighing, he indicated a door leading to an outdoor courtyard. Jessie turned, grateful to stop looking at him for a moment, and then stepped out into the refreshingly cool air. Gray, heavy clouds trudged across the sky, but for the moment, it was wasn’t pouring. The benches spaced along the pathways were wet with small puddles of the rain that had collected from last night’s storm. It had been dumping when she’d left Kai’s apartment. The entire ride home she’d wished that she’d stayed at his place, wrapped in his sheets with his warm body next to hers. Now, as he stood beside her, his arm brushing hers, she was torn between still wanting that scenario, and being disgusted by that scenario.

With his head down, he nodded over to a bench quaintly nestled under a tall tree. Its leaves long ago having fallen to the ground, the tree’s bare branches looked sort of spooky as they stretched up into the sky. The hospital had placed the bench at the edge of the cracked concrete, the barked berm directly behind it bursting with clumps of green shrubbery. Jessie imagined that in the spring, it was probably quite pretty out here. Maybe that helped to ease the mind of frazzled family members, waiting on the outcome of their loved ones’ surgeries. She wished it had the same effect on her currently spinning head.

Kai wiped the droplets off of the bench with his free hand, the water flicking from his skin. He sat on the edge, brushing the residual moisture off on his thigh before motioning for her to sit. She exhaled softly and sat next to him, their hips just touching on the small seat. Kai flicked a glance at her then took a sip of his drink. Jessie did the same, feeling the horror in her stomach start to shift to something sad.

Her night with him had been amazing. But, even if they were the perfect match, and last night had been some fated meeting to bring them together, it couldn’t happen. They were related. They shared the same gene pool. Those sorts of things were looked down upon in the society they lived in. Her friends would be disgusted. Her family would disown her, and him. And she wasn’t sure, but there were probably laws somewhere, preventing or punishing the very thing that they had done last night. Marriage was certainly out. As was children. That thought made her nauseous again. God, no, their genes were too similar to ever risk children.

She sputtered on the sip of coffee she’d just taken and a hand flew to her stomach. She suddenly remembered the forgotten condom in her purse last night. While she was on the pill and pregnancy wasn’t an issue, it still brought that ‘this is too gross to be true’ feeling back to her.

Kai stopped drinking and stared over at her as she choked on her awful vending machine coffee. “What?” he whispered.

With tears of frustration and horror in her eyes, she immediately said, “A part of you is still inside me.” She flushed after saying that, but that was what was churning her stomach at the moment. He’d released inside of her. A part of her cousin was currently swimming through her body.

He twisted back to the front, his face seemingly paling again. He closed those marvelous eyes and inhaled a long breath. “Oh, god.” Without opening his eyes, he whispered, “Could you possibly get pregnant?”

She shook her head but he couldn’t see it, since his eyes were still shut. Verbally she added, “No, I take the pill, but it’s still grossing me out.”

He peeked his eyes opened and looked over at her. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually… Things like last night aren’t common for me. But, we didn’t know, Jessie.”

She exhaled heavily, her hand dropping to her lap. “They don’t happen to me either. I just… You were so…” She swallowed and shook her head. “This is so messed up.”

He sighed and ran a thumb around the edge of his coffee cup. Jessie tried to block out other places that thumb had been. Staring down at the thick, blackness inside the Styrofoam, he again said, “We didn’t know.”

They sat in silence for a few moments and then he looked over at her. “You know, it’s not all that crazy.” He shrugged as Jessie scrunched her brows, then explained. “In some cultures, cousins are arranged to be married. Didn’t Jerry Lee Lewis marry his cousin?”

She wrinkled her nose. “We have the same last name. Sorry, that doesn’t make me feel any better. And Jerry Lee Lewis? Ew.”

He laughed, just once and then released another melancholy breath. “I’m just trying to make this not seem so…”

“Awful,” Jessie whispered.

He shook his head, his eyes trailing over her face. “Yeah, awful.”

They finished their bland cups of coffee and then Jessie started picking at her cup. Not sure what to feel right now, she alternated between, disgust, sadness, desire and curiosity. Feeling that the last emotion was the one she could entertain the most at the moment, she looked over at where he was also tearing apart his cup. She smiled at their similar habit. “So…Hawaii? I hear it’s nice.”

He chuckled and looked over at her. “Yeah, it can be.”

She shook her head, trying to not notice the charm in his smile. “I can’t imagine why you’d come to Colorado. If I lived in paradise, I’d never leave.”

He fully grinned, leaning back on the bench. “Well, once you’ve gone through a couple rainy seasons, you get a different opinion on island life.” He shrugged. “I guess you just get used to the beauty, once you’ve lived it in your whole life.

Jessie bit her lip, for a moment letting herself think that she’d never get used to his island beauty. Shaking her head to clear it, she said, “Well, I’ve always wanted to go.” She laughed. “I used to try and get my parents to visit yours every summer when I was younger. I wanted to learn how to surf so bad. I used to practice on the lawn.”

Kai laughed and then stopped as what she’d said sunk in. Jessie sighed as she thought about wanting to go visit Kai when she was a kid. It made everything they’d done seem that much weirder. He smiled lightly and Jessie shook her head again. “Well, I hope you’re not too disappointed, living here.”

He tilted his head at her. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and full of meaning. “So far, it’s been pretty incredible. I’ve felt very welcomed here.” He reached up and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. She swallowed, her eyes starting to glisten as the back of his knuckle lingered on her cheek.

Clearing his throat, he turned his head back to his cup and dropped his hand from her skin. She missed the contact, surprisingly. “Maybe it’s because I grew up on a beach, but I’ve always dreamt about learning to ski.” He looked back up at her and she blinked several times to clear her eyes. “Maybe you could teach me?”

She swallowed and nodded, not sure how she’d handle spending that much intimate time with him. But they were family, she’d have to. She nodded again. “Yeah, of course.”  A moment of silence passed between them again and Jessie couldn’t help but notice that there was a comfortable companionship in the silence. If they weren’t who they were, their personalities would have been very well matched. But, as fate would have it, they were who they were, and any companionship had to be purely platonic. Grumbling in her head over how unfair the Universe was, Jessie crumpled the empty cup in her hand. “What do we do now, Kai?”

He reached a hand out for her ruined cup. “We go see how our grandma is doing. I continue getting my place together and getting ready for my new job on Monday. And you…go back to your life.” He gave her a serious look. “And we forget this ever happened, and never tell anyone about it.”

Jessie tilted her head, her eyes misting up again. “Yeah, no one.” There was no one she could, or wanted, to tell about it anyway.

Kai nodded, his eyes flicking over her face. He leaned in slightly as his eyes locked on hers and she found herself leaning in as well. Without thinking about it, they had closed the distance between their faces considerably. Jessie found herself lost in that perfect ocean of his eyes. He leaned in just a fraction more, and her lips parted as her breath increased. Even knowing what she did, her body still wanted to react to him. She bit her lip and struggled to remember that he was family, and this was wrong, really wrong. He paused in leaning towards her, his eyes narrowing as maybe he struggled to remember that too.

This could be harder than they both thought.

Blinking a few times, he shifted his head and gave her a light peck on the cheek. She found herself closing her eyes at the touch. She only reopened them when he pulled back. He blinked again and stared at the much-in-need-of-repair concrete at their feet. He seemed just as dazed as her. Jessie hated that the only guy who she’d ever managed to physically effect, was blood. Figures.

Kai exhaled slowly, then stood and glanced back at her still sitting on the bench. “We should get back to Gran. I told my dad I’d keep an eye on her.” He looked down guiltily, like he felt that he’d failed in his duty since she’d gotten hurt. Jessie smiled as she stood, happy that he seemed to have the same sense of responsibility for their grandmother that she did.

He watched her rise, then they headed back into the hospital together. The comfortable silence fell around them as they made their way back to the second floor. Jessie watched his back as she followed a step behind. Images of that broad back flooded her head, and she shook her head to redirect her thoughts. Remembering what he said about getting his place together, Jessie thought over the piles and piles of boxes in his tiny place. Then she remembered him sweetly telling her that she could stay, as she’d been hurrying to leave.

She made a soft, wistful noise at the memory and he looked back at her, his beautiful face looking concerned. “What?” he said cautiously. He looked at her as if she was going to break down at any moment. He also looked unsure about what he’d do if she decided to do just that. His cute look of nervousness made her laugh lightly. As they approached the stairs to the second floor, his cute look shifted to a disgruntled one. “What?” he asked again, less cautiously.

She shook her head, her curly ponytail swishing back and forth. “Nothing, you’re just…nothing.” Knowing she couldn’t very well call her cousin adorable, she sighed and let it go. He scrunched his eyebrows, looking confused. Smiling as their long legs quickly got them up the tile steps, she explained with, “I was just thinking about what a mess your place was. Do you want some help?”

He frowned at her summation of his home, but then smiled and looked at the ground for a moment. “Yeah, not the coolest spread to bring a girl home to.” He flinched and looked up at her, seemingly worried about how she’d respond to that.

She paused on the steps, as he took one more. He stopped and looked back at her, a small sigh escaping him. She knew that they could easily destroy any connection they had, familial or otherwise, if they let this…guilt between them, consume them. Even though her stomach was still clenching with horror, she decided that he was right when he’d said that they hadn’t known. They couldn’t be faulted for knowledge they didn’t have. Not knowing any other way to dissolve the tension building, and wanting that comfortableness to return, Jessie decided to try some lightheartedness. Giving him a crooked smile, she coyly said, “Well, it worked. You got me.”

While he gaped at her, she smiled broadly and walked past him on the stairs. Her heart was hammering as she listened for his reaction. Then she heard him chuckle lightly and mutter, “Well, alright then.” She smiled and looked down, knowing that he was going to try and not let this weirdness enter their relationship either.

Once they both got to the top step, they were smiling warmly at the other. Now that she was looking for it, she thought she could spot some similarity to her in the bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips. It was fleeting though, and she really could have been seeing something because she was told to see it; like seeing a shape in a cloud, because someone let you know it was there. In all honesty, his looks were unlike anything she’d ever seen before. A beautiful blending of genetics that made him his own person, inside and outside.

************

Millie sighed irritably as she snapped shut the phone and placed it back into Jessica’s purse. She loved her son, but she strongly disagreed with how he was handling this situation. Sending Kai thousands of miles away, to place him in the direct path of his biological father, a man that he didn’t even know was his biological father, seemed cruel to Millie. If he had to be told, and Millie really couldn’t see why he had to be, then Nathan sitting down with him and talking to him seemed the wiser choice.

But that’s not the decision her son was making. He and his ex-wife had already called and made arrangements with the man who used to be Nathan’s friend and colleague. Somehow, they’d gotten a job lined up for her grandson. Kai didn’t know it, but Monday morning he’d be walking into the office of the man who carried half of his genes. Millie didn’t agree with Nathan and Leilani’s choice, but she was staying out of it, hoping for Kai to remain ignorant. Sometimes truth mattered. Other times, it only stung.

Millie flinched as an ache in her hip went straight up her spine. The pain wasn’t bad, but the occasional wrong movement did send a twinge through her. Glancing at the door again, she wondered where her two grandkids had run off to. Their reaction to each other had sure seemed weird. She’d been so sure the two would connect once they’d finally met, but that hadn’t seemed to be the case. She wasn’t sure what was going on there, but then again, kids today often mystified her.

Millie wondered if her own mystifying child was hoping that Kai would take one look at his real father and instantly know the truth. Well, “real” father in the sense that he’d been responsible for creating him. The man that Kai had become…was because of her son.

Sympathetic regret washed thorough her as she thought of how Nathan had learned about Kai. He hadn’t been aware of his wife’s infidelity when they’d been trying for a child. It was years later, when Kai had just entered his teen years, that the harlot had admitted the truth to him, admitted that she didn’t know who had fathered Kai. Millie had no love for the woman. Not anymore, not after she’d ripped her son’s heart out. But Kai loved her, and Millie was careful to keep her feelings about the subject to herself.

Not able to stand not knowing, her son had secretly tested Kai, to find out in plain black and white whether or not he was his father. When the test had come back, and he’d clearly seen that he had no blood connection to the boy, he’d immediately divorced his wife. It had been a move that Millie had supported wholeheartedly. And in another move that Millie had supported, and been immensely proud of Nathan for, he’d never stopped being a father to Kai. Lesser men would have rejected the child as well as the wife, but not her son. His affection and love for Kai had never faltered, and the truth of Kai’s paternity never went farther than Millie, her son, and her son’s unfaithful wife.

Until now. Until the lie had finally worn Nathan down.

Shifting on the stiff bed, Millie ran a hand through her silver hair, her gnarled knuckles betraying the age she didn’t feel. Again, she hoped her son changed his mind about Kai knowing the truth. What good could possibly come out of it? He would only feel differently about both of his parents, and be thrust into the life of a complete stranger. A person Millie hadn’t even bothered to check out, even though he lived here in Denver. In her mind, he was just as guilty of poor morality as Kai’s mother. Kai may not be blood, but he was much more like her son than either of his biological parents. Kai had a habit of making sound decisions. She was very proud of the boy.

Almost as if on cue, the door opened and her grandson walked through it. She smiled at his exotic beauty and held a hand out for him. He smiled back and walked over to her. Jessica walked in a couple of steps behind him, watching his back intently. She shifted her eyes to the floor when he glanced back at her. Millie scrunched her brow. Odd. They almost seemed…embarrassed? Millie was curious for a moment but then shrugged and let it go. Who knew what was going on in the minds of young ones, these days?

Kai sat on the edge of the bed and gripped her bony fingers with his warm ones. “Gran, are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”

Millie laughed lightly and patted his hand. “I’m fine, dear. They’re taking good care of me here. I’ll think they’ll keep me for a few days, just to watch over me.” She grunted in annoyance and rolled her eyes. “It’s completely unnecessary. I could hop on a horse if I needed to. I could swing dance, if I had a good partner.” She patted Kai’s hand and raised an eyebrow at him.

He laughed and rubbed her knuckle with his thumb. “Maybe when you’re better, Gran.”

Jessica laughed softly as she sat in a chair next to the bed. Sounding remorseful, she placed her hand on Millie’s arm and said, “I’m so sorry I was late this morning, Grams.” She shook her head, like she felt personally responsible for Millie’s fall.

Kai seemed remorseful as well. “Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t come by sooner. I was running a little slow this morning.” He looked at Jessica oddly and Millie noticed her granddaughter bit her lip and flush slightly. Very odd.

Millie glanced between the two of them. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m a grown woman. I don’t need the two of you fretting over me, like I’m some invalid. I slipped. Happens every day. Probably happens to the two of you on occasion.” She watched them both grin and roll their eyes, locking gazes with each other before twisting back to look at her. With a slight twist of her thin lips, she added, “I don’t mind you both coming to visit me, but I can take care of myself.”

Kai smiled and shook his head, then leaned forward and kissed her head. “Alright, Gran.”

Jessica sighed as she watched him, then patted Millie’s arm. “Okay, Grams.” Shrugging her shoulders, she asked, “What can we do for you then?”

Millie watched the two cast secret glances at the other, when the other wasn’t looking. Not liking the odd feeling she could sense between them, she decided to use their mutual guilt over her accident to her advantage. Hiding her inner smile, she quite seriously said, “Jessica Marie, my dear, why don’t you and Kai go through my place and get rid of that old furniture for me. I was thinking about having the church come take it, but as Kai probably needs some stuff, maybe he could take it for me?”

Kai immediately started shaking his head. “Oh, Gran, no, you don’t have to-”

She cut him off. “Nonsense. You must need something. Do you even have a bed yet?”

Kai’s tan face lost a little color as his eyes locked onto Jessica’s. Millie noticed that odd tension again, but had no idea why they seemed to have it. She hoped that forcing them to spend a little time together would ease the feeling between them. Right now, all Kai had here in Denver was her and Jessica Marie, and he didn’t know it yet, but if Nathan’s plans for Kai came to pass, he was going to need the support of his family. And regardless of what their blood said, Kai was family and she would never treat him any differently.

As the two of them had gone deathly quiet, Millie took the silence as an admission that he did need help. Turning her attention to Jessica, she matter-of-factly said, “Clean out the spare bedroom. I have no need for anything in there right now.”

Jessica, looking even paler than Kai, nodded. “Okay, Grandma.”

Kai looked down and then over at Jessica on the chair. Giving her an odd smile, he shrugged and laughed. “I guess I could use your help after all.”

Chapter   4

So Wrong, Yet So Right

Kai followed behind Jessie on his bike. Back at the hospital, she’d looked over at his motorcycle parked a few spaces from her vehicle and had shaken her head at him, like she’d been wondering how he was going to get anything moved on that thing. He’d shrugged lamely and given her a half-smile, explaining that he really hadn’t imagined himself moving furniture anytime soon.

She’d laughed and asked if he’d been planning to live out of boxes permanently. He’d nearly sighed at hearing her laugh; it was a beautiful one. She was leading them back to his place, so they could drop off his bike and ride together in her truck. Luckily for him she drove one. It made it pretty convenient for them to haul some furniture back to his place today. He felt a little guilty for taking Gran’s stuff, but he knew her well enough to know that if he didn’t take it, she’d show up on his doorstep with some burly men she’d hired to haul it for her. At least this way, he was saving her the expense of hiring movers.

Pulling into the garage, Kai shut his bike off and hooked his helmet over the handlebars. He supposed it wasn’t the best idea to leave the helmet with the bike, but he hated lugging it back and forth. It was just a plain, black, visored helmet anyway, and he could always buy another one if someone swiped it. Jessie pulled up next to him in her little Ford Ranger. He would have expected her to go for a girly color, turquoise or purple or something, but it wasn’t. It was a solid black.

She was biting her lip as she watched him swing his leg over the seat. Kai wondered what she was thinking about. If she still felt ill about the whole thing. He sort of did. He was trying to let that nauseous feeling go, it wasn’t their fault. But when he thought about the intimate moment they’d shared, it did gross him out a little. It also turned him on a little. It had been the most amazing sex he’d ever had. A small part of him wanted to have it again. But that couldn’t happen. Not anymore.

With a quick sigh, he walked around to the passenger’s side and got in. She drove away and he rubbed his hands together, warming them on the heater she had going. Cocking an eyebrow as she watched him, she asked, “Is it cold here to you?”

He grinned as he looked back at her. “Well, I’m wearing two shirts under this jacket and wool socks.” He grinned wider and laughed a little. “I even considered doubling up the underwear.”

Jessie flushed when he said that and he bit his lip, thinking that maybe he shouldn’t say anything that could be perceived as suggestive. That may hamper their conversations quite a bit, since almost anything can be made suggestive. Like his clueless Grandma asking if he had a bed yet.

Looking back at him, Jessie’s dark eyes flashed to his ankles. They were still wet from the water on the road splashing up onto them as he’d driven around town. “So…you buy a bike?” she asked, a tight smile on her lips.

He laughed and shook his head lightly, liking her sober, playful personality as much as her drunken aggressiveness.  “I know, kind of dumb, but, I heard it only rains 300 days out of the year here, so I thought my odds were pretty good. So far, it’s dumped on me every day.” Kai laughed and looked out the windshield. “But really, that doesn’t matter. I’m just a bike guy.” Shrugging and laughing at his own comment, he wondered what he’d do when the roads got slick. He’d never driven on snow before, since snow wasn’t really an issue in Hawaii. He’d have to invest in some studded tires…and a snowsuit.

Jessie laughed and shook her head, her eyes drifting back to the town flying by them. “Well, at least you look hot on it.” She immediately stopped laughing and looked over at him. He looked into his lap, shaking his head a little. Looks like they’d both have to work on not saying suggestive things.

“Um…thanks.” He smiled and then sighed. They made the rest of the drive in silence.

Pulling up to Gran’s house, Jessie backed into her drive. Getting out of the truck, Kai noticed the nosey, but neighborly, old lady next door take a peek through her window. He thought that there probably wasn’t a whole lot that the woman didn’t notice.

Following Jessie into the house, Kai smiled as he took in his grandmother’s home. It was warm and welcoming, painted in a cheery yellow with pictures and mementoes of family taking up almost every available space on the wall. Kai noticed a couple pictures of himself, when he was much younger and Gran had visited. He remembered a lot of those pictures, remembered the bright woman behind the lens, snapping away at everything, like she could store her memories away in each click. Seeing the green foliage of home in the background of those photos, he thought maybe his grandma was on to something.

As Jessie turned to walk down a short hallway, obviously knowing this house very well, he noticed more pictures of her in the home. She’d been around Gran a lot more, having lived here her whole life with her, and that was evident in the sheer volume of photographs. Kai saw bits of Jessie’s entire life splashed along bookcases, mantels, and end tables. Proms, birthdays, skiing trips, what looked like a stay in a hospital – it was all around the room for him to see.

Closing his eyes to block out the sudden rush of sadness, he twisted to follow Jessie down the hall. When he came to the room where he could hear her shifting things around, he walked through the open door. A stale odor hit Kai’s nose as he stepped in. Gran was right, she rarely used this room. Jessie had grabbed a box from somewhere and was placing even more photos inside of it.

She glanced up at him and pointed across the hall. “There are some boxes in Gram’s room. Let’s pack up her stuff so we can move the furniture.”

Kai nodded, looking around at all the mementoes, knickknacks, and tchotchkes around the room. It was sort of a shrine to collectibles, each with their own small doily. Smiling, he headed to Gran’s room to get a box. Finding one in the corner, he smiled at the handmade quilt on her perfectly made bed, and then rejoined Jessie. She was carefully placing several horse figurines into the box, on top of a couple of large photos in there. Noticing that one of the photos was of his dad, Kai knelt down beside Jessie and shook his head. “This is so weird. You’re placing ponies on top of my dad’s head. That is something I would not have pictured happening yesterday.”

Jessie paused in her packing and glanced up at him. He couldn’t quite read the emotion in her face and he wondered if maybe he should stop referencing their night together. Maybe if he could stop thinking about it, she would too. Finally, she glanced down at the box she was packing. “Uncle Nate is your dad.” She was saying it like she was finally connecting the dots.

He tilted his head at her. As far as he knew, they were the only family members in Hawaii. She looked up at him, immediately flushed, and looked back down. “Yeah, Nate is my dad. I thought you’d already made that connection.”

She sighed and resumed her packing. “I had. But…seeing him, hearing you talk about him, it just makes it seem…realer.” She glanced up at him as he started packing objects into his box. “I used to beg my dad to go visit his brother Nathan.”

Kai watched her face twist into sort of disgust, and sighed again. “Right…yeah…realer.” Yes, it was all getting horrifyingly real.

Jessie cleared her throat as they worked in the surprisingly packed tiny room. “So, what part of Hawaii are you from?” She glanced over at him. “I don’t remember.”

He frowned slightly as he placed a photo of a blonde relative that he didn’t know into the box. One of the downsides of being so far away, he hadn’t met very many members of his family. He’d never imagined that that would be a problem, until last night. Not letting his again reoccurring sadness come into his voice, he told her the name of his home town.

“Kukuihaele.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling as she processed the odd sounding name. Well, odd for someone who wasn’t used to Hawaiian names. There were several odder sounding ones.

She scrunched her brow as she stared at him, her dark eyes looking curious and confused. It was pretty adorable on her and his smile broke free. “Kuk… u…huh?”

A laugh escaped with his smile and he shook his head, stuffing an antique looking doll into the box. “It’s on the big island. It’s pretty remote, not quite as touristy as some places in Hawaii.” He glanced over at her to see her nodding and resuming packing. Feeling a need to let her know more about him, he softly continued. “My mom’s home is near the beach. I used to play in the surf all day and fall asleep every night to the sounds of waves crashing. My dad’s place is further inland, and when I stayed with him, we used to go horseback riding every night. We’d stay out until we could barely make out the trails, but the horses knew them so well, I was never afraid.”

Smiling at his memory, he glanced over at Jessie. She was sitting back on her heels, watching him with a soft smile on her lips. He had the overwhelming urge to lean over and feel those soft lips again. Remembering them wrapped around him, the smile instantly fell off his face. He needed to let last night go. It was wrong to think about it.

Clearing his throat, he started to harshly shove objects in the box. He heard Jessie sigh beside him, and continue her own packing. “Anyway, there’s an estuarine research reserve nearby that my parents both work at. It’s what got me into studying the environment.”

Standing up to put her full box in a corner, Jessie sounded genuinely surprised. “Oh, I didn’t know that’s what you did.”

Kai shrugged and looked back at her, closing up his own full box. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself an environmentalist, but I do have a certain respect for where we live, and would like to find a way where we could all be on the earth,” he grinned crookedly, “without choking the life out of it.” He laughed at the end of that and Jessie laughed with him.

Standing, he handed her the box and she placed it on top of hers. He couldn’t help but note that they lined up perfectly. She grinned back at him, her hands on her curved hips. “So, instead of staying to study a tropical island, you chose to study…Colorado?”

He grinned at her never-ending disbelief that he would leave what she obviously considered paradise. Shaking his head, he said, “The earth is the earth, no matter where you go.” Kai grinned wider as she rolled her eyes. Shrugging, he added, “My parents focus more on protecting the coastal areas, but I wanted a broader approach. My father understood that and got me a job here, with a friend of his that used to work with him.” Kai pointed over to where the mountain ranges were. “He runs a small research team near the base of the Rockies.”

Jessie grinned ear to ear. “In the mountains?” Kai nodded, confused by her smile. She laughed and he relished the sound. “You better get to work on those skiing lessons, water boy.”

Kai laughed and shook his head as they both went to get more boxes. Not too much later, they had all of Gran’s treasures neatly boxed in a corner. With only her bare furniture left, they began hauling things out to Jessie’s truck. Kai couldn’t stop himself from becoming fond of his cousin. They had a similar sense of humor and easygoing personalities. It gave Kai a wistful pang as he considered that if things were different, she’d be such an easy girl to date. She didn’t complain. She didn’t gab on and on about herself. She didn’t make fun of the fact that he obviously didn’t have much in the way of possessions. And she laughed at all his stupid jokes. Yeah, if that one little pesky fact that they were related wasn’t in place, he’d ask her out on a proper date.

He kept his head down as he warmed his hands with her heater on the ride home. Wishful thinking wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He needed to stop thinking about her.

“You okay?” she asked quietly.

He glanced over at her and saw her worrying her lip. She eyed him, and again he wondered how she felt about all this. Smiling for her benefit, he whispered, “I’m great, Jessie. Thank you for helping me today.”

She smiled, her face relaxing, and placed a hand over his. The contact instantly sent a shock through him, and not just because her hand was so much warmer than his. She apparently felt the same, as she immediately pulled her hand away. Keeping her eyes intently focused on the road, she said, “No problem, Kai. It’s the least I could do…for family.”

When they got back to his place, Kai watched Jessie let out a long exhale as her eyes swept the room. He supposed she was remembering the last time she was here. It seemed a little shocking to him that it was only several hours ago; it seemed a lifetime. Throwing his keys to the counter, he ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose we should move my crap out of the way.”

Jessie gave him a nervous laugh and followed him into the main room. He heard her swallow noisily when she saw the bed, and Kai lifted it up and shoved it against the wall, not wanting the reminder himself either. Kind of unbelievable that just this morning he’d been pleasantly reminiscing over his recent activities on that bed.

Clearing his throat, he turned back to her and apologized. He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, but he felt the need to do it. Jessie nodded, her beautiful face still pale. They started moving his boxes in front of his mattress, both hiding the area they’d explored each other’s bodies on, and making room for his new furniture. Halfway through the process, he heard Jessie gasp. He quickly looked back at her, wondering what of his stuff she may have found, and noticed that she looked close to passing out; her lips were nearly white.

Concerned, he squatted beside her. “Jessie?” His hands came up to cup her cheeks and he tried to ignore how nice touching her felt. Her eyes started to water but she didn’t look at him. He tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “Jessie?” he tried again.

“I’m gonna be sick,” she muttered. Kai worried that she really would be sick by the look on her face. Confused, he tried to pull her gaze from whatever she was staring at. When that didn’t work, he twisted to look at it too. That’s when he felt the nausea rise in him. There was a condom packet on the floor, right in front of the TV. It was unopened. A perfectly sealed, purple and silver wrapped reminder of everything that had happened between them. The memories flooded his head and he again remembered the sensation of driving into her, remembered himself telling her he was coming, and then doing it. His stomach tilted just as surely as desire swept through him.

“Throw it out,” Jessie whispered.

Nodding, he released her face and grabbed the obtrusive thing. Knowing that he hadn’t had any with him, Kai vaguely remembered something falling out of Jessie’s purse earlier. She must have had some with her. Maybe she’d just been planning on a screw last night, and he’d fit all of her requirements. He felt a little odd that what had happened between them was possibly not just an unbelievable attraction that had led to something bigger. Maybe what had happened, she’d planned from that first glance.

Tossing the packet in the garbage under the kitchen sink, he twisted to look back at her, still kneeling on the floor. No, she’d said she wasn’t like that, and he believed her. Besides, he preferred to think that what they’d shared was rare, was fate pulling them together. Then again, what they’d shared was so wrong he shouldn’t even want to think about it at all.

Coming back into the living room, he squatted by her side. Sighing, he started to reach out for her cheek, but stopped himself. She exhaled softly and finally looked over at him, her eyes were less wet and she looked a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to be okay with this, but that was a little…” She shrugged and then let out another nervous laugh.

He sat down on the floor by her feet. “I know. I’m trying too.” He gave her a crooked grin. “It will get easier.” Kai hoped that was true.

Jessie looked over at him and nodded. He bit his lip as she looked over his face, her eyes finally locking onto his. Kai squelched the desire to feel those lips again, to touch her face again. A wistful noise passed through her, and he wondered if she was having as difficult a time as he was. But for how it twisted his stomach with disgust, he’d ignore that they shared a last name, and lay that mattress back on the floor.

With a visible effort, he stood and extended a hand to her. She took it and let him pull her up to standing. They ended up being closer than he’d intended, their bodies brushing together. He didn’t pull away though. He continued to stand with his chest against hers, the flatness of his in contrast to the fullness of hers. His hand clutched hers and he suspected that for the first time all day, they were the same temperature. He felt hot all over as he stared down at her. Wondering how to shut off the desire he still felt for her, even now, even mixed with guilt, revulsion, and self loathing, his lips parted in anticipation. They couldn’t do this, it was wrong, but as his body started reacting to her nearness, he knew that on some level, he could do this.

He lowered his forehead to hers and she gasped, her mouth opening as well. His other hand wrapped around her hip, pulling her closer to him. Kai couldn’t believe he was contemplating this, after everything he’d learned, after all the times his stomach had tilted while thinking about it, even though he knew it was disgusting, his body was willing to overlook that fact.

Jessie raised her chin, their lips dangerously close now, and he thought she may be willing to overlook it too. His hand on her hip lowered to cup her backside, their jointed hands tightening. Kai sucked in a quick breath, not sure what to do, not sure which part of his body to listen to. Jessie ran a hand up his chest to his neck. Her eyes bored into his, conflicted, lustful.

Bringing his lips down, just a fraction, they minutely brushed together with hers. He closed his eyes and exhaled, remembering, savoring her taste from last night, equally wanting to savor it again, and wanting to push her away. His head hurt again, while his body and mind shifted in two directions. This was so wrong, but it felt so right.

At the brief contact, her breath quickened and she shifted in his arms. Jessie’s hips pressed up against his and he could feel the blood rushing down, feel his body hardening. If that piece of him took over, it would almost make things easier…until after. Then they’d be faced with the awful truth that they had known, and done it anyway. At least the first time they could feign ignorance. A second time…well, they wouldn’t be able to feign away anything.

Her hips bumped against him as she squirmed in his arms, seemingly just as torn herself. Kai wondered if she was aware of just how much that move was turning him on; she would be in a moment, if she didn’t stop. Just as her lips were coming back to his, he released her hand and grabbed her hips, stilling them. “Stop, Jessie,” he whispered, immensely proud of himself for uttering those words.

They worked as a blast of cold water on Jessie. She immediately pulled away from him, breaking their intimate contact. “Oh, god,” she muttered, running her fingers through her hair. “I can’t, we can’t… This is so wrong, Kai.”

Her eyes watered and she looked on the verge of losing it. He stepped forward and put a hand on her arm. “I know. It’s okay, I know.”

She pulled away from his touch, but gave him an apologetic smile. Stepping back from her, he gave her the same smile in return. “We’re going to have to be more careful.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Jessie, you just, you don’t feel like family. The idea grosses me out, but not… I still want…” Kai exhaled sadly and shrugged. “I still want you.”

Looking at the floor, Kai felt really horrid and guilty for admitting that. Jessie sighed, still paces away from him. “I know…I want you too.” He peeked up at her, glad that at least they were in the same awful boat. “But even if we don’t feel it, we are family, and this can’t happen, Kai.”

He nodded. “I know.”

She shrugged. “So what do we do?”

Kai clenched his fists to not tuck that stray piece of hair behind her ear. “We try not to get too close to each other. At least, until this…feeling passes.” Jessie nodded, her eyes misting again, the chocolate depths glassing over. Kai swallowed. “But, can I get your help moving the furniture in first?”

Jessie looked down and laughed. A tear dripping to her cheek, she smiled and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

They made quick work in emptying Jessie’s truck. With several of the larger pieces of Gran’s stuff, they had to bypass the elevator and maneuver them up the stairs. Laughing pretty hard when they got a dresser wedged in a corner, Kai jokingly told her that he was at her mercy. Jessie tilted her head, looking at him oddly for a moment and Kai swallowed and looked away, reminding himself that she wasn’t some beautiful girl that he could breezily flirt with. She was so much more, and so much less.

After a couple hours of sweat-inducing work, they finally got in a couple dressers, a nightstand with a lamp, a large bookcase, and a frame and headboard for his mattress. It was sort of amazing how they’d Tetrised everything into Jessie’s truck. Looking over at her as she tucked a loose curl away, her forehead slightly shining with her exertion, Kai smiled, thinking she was pretty incredible.

After they lowered his mattress into place and made the sheets, the same sheets they’d had sex in, they both stared at it a moment. Feeling an awkward tension building as they both stared at the place that had changed everything in their relationship, Kai found himself whispering, “Who is Jeremy?”

Jessie flinched and looked up at him. Kai felt heat rush into his cheeks. He really hadn’t meant to ask her that, but curiosity had driven it out before he could stop himself. She’d mentioned something about a man named Jeremy, right before she’d shoved her hands down his pants. She’d been comparing his size to whoever this guy was. At the time, she’d seemed pleased with what she’d found.

Jessie bit her lip, color staining her cheeks as embarrassment flashed through her. Walking over to one of Kai’s boxes, she opened it and started pulling out his clothes. He blinked that she was going to stay and help him put his stuff away. While he was grateful for that, since he really wasn’t looking forward to doing it, he was pretty surprised too, especially with what he’d just asked her.

Jessie let out a long exhale as she folded some crumpled t-shirts and placed them in a dresser drawer. Not looking at Kai, she answered with, “He was my last ex, who found it very difficult to keep it in his pants.” She glanced over at him as he blinked again, surprised again. “I caught him once, and that was enough for me.” She flicked a glance at the front of Kai’s jeans and her face colored even more. “I think he was just compensating,” she muttered, a devilish smile twisting her lips for a second.

Kai laughed, remembering her relief at his…size, and then sighed; it was all so weird to think about. Reaching into a box himself, he started putting away some of his books. Jessie, across the small room from him, shook her head, making her curls dance adorably. “God, I can’t believe I said that to you…last night.” She stopped unpacking his clothes and stared at him, looking horribly embarrassed. “I’m generally not that…”

Letting it trail off, she bit her lip. Kai smiled, still remembering. “Aggressive?”

Jessie groaned and let her head fall back, her hands coming up to cover her face. She looked mortified. Kai wanted to reassure her, let her know that she had no reason to be embarrassed about her actions. If he could take the near-incest aspect of their night together out of the equation, the physical part had been amazing. Quietly, he told her, “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’ve never had anyone be like that with me. It was amazing, you were amazing.” Deciding to be perfectly honest with her, he admitted, “It was the best sex I’ve ever had, Jessie.”

She lowered her hands and stared at him, her face reflecting his own sadness and revulsion. “Why does that make me feel wonderful…and horrible?” Kai smiled sadly, nodding his head. He knew just what she meant. Shaking hers again, she stuck her hand back in his box of clothes. “This is so messed up, Kai.”

Returning to his box of books, he muttered, “I know.”

After another hour or so, they had all of Kai’s boxes empty. Jessie chuckled at several of his private things. A mug he’d made himself in art class one year - it leaned horribly to one side. A photo of a group of his friends tossing him into the ocean. A Tiki statue with the added touch of a giant schlong. One of his friends had found it in an adult shop, and had thought it would bring Kai good luck in the girl department. Kai wasn’t sure if it had or not.

Smiling to herself as she flipped through one of the photo albums his mom had made for him, she stopped on a picture of him and his friends, standing shirtless in front of the beach. Her finger languidly traced the swirl pattern of Kai’s tattoo, peeking up over his collar bone. He remembered her soft lips touching that tattoo last night and exhaled softly. She peeked up at him after hearing it as he came over to sit beside her on his bed. “Does it mean something,” she asked, her finger pointing to the black ink in the picture.

Kai smiled and shook his head. “Not really. They’re just tribal markings. A group of us went to Honolulu after graduating high school and decided to get them.” He pointed to his friends in the pictures, to the various spots on their bodies where they’d each gotten the swirling, slashing tattoos.

She glanced at the legs and arms in the photo, and then her gaze drifted to Kai’s shoulder. She bit her lip and he could tell that she wanted to see it again. Not thinking about it, he lifted his layer of shirts up enough so that she could see the bulk of it on his back, along the blade. Her mouth dropped open a little as her finger came out to touch it. Her index finger traced a swirl, her nail teasingly grazing his skin. The heat of it instantly shot through him. Realizing how close they were getting, where they were sitting, he immediately stood, his shirt dropping down into place as he did.

She flushed and looked away. This was going to be a lot harder than Kai would have ever imagined. Smiling reassuringly, he ran a hand through his hair. “Hungry?” he asked casually.

Jessie looked back at him, shutting the book. “Yeah, starving. There’s this great pizza place nearby, I’ll call.” She stood up and headed to the kitchen for her phone in her purse.

Kai ran another hand back though his hair and glanced up at the ceiling. He was about to reply to her when she shot back, “Hawaiian, right?” She grinned crookedly, clearly teasing him, and he decided to tease her right back.

“No, Haole don’t make it right. Pepperoni is fine.” Kai grinned at her, finding himself relaxing at her sense of humor. Not understanding the strange word he’d used, she wrinkled her nose in an adorable way.

Chuckling at her confusion, he watched her twist her lips and roll her eyes as she opened her phone to make the call. Kai dug in his wallet for some cash, handing it to her when she was finished. Jessie shook her head, and started to hand it back to him, but he refused to take it. “You’ve done so much for me today, it’s the least I can do.” He shrugged and smiled, hoping she just let him do this for her. Try and repay her kindness in some small way.

Jessie gave him a face that clearly said it wasn’t necessary, but she did stuff the bill in her jeans. Kai smiled widely and leaned back against the counter. Jessie copied him on the other side and they passed the time they had by Jessie filling Kai in on all the attractions Denver had to offer an island boy. She teased him good-naturedly on his heritage, but by the way her eyes took him in, Kai could tell that his looks appealed to her. Of course, he’d known that last night. Pushing that out of his head for now, he simply listened to the sound of her voice for awhile.

Chapter   5

It Will Get Easier

Jessica Marie woke up Sunday morning with less of a headache than yesterday, but a headache nonetheless. While yesterday had had her stomach twisting and swirling with the remnants of too much alcohol, this morning had her stomach twisting and turning for another reason. She’d met a boy, an attractive boy. She’d gone home with that boy and let herself be a person that she really wasn’t. She’d fulfilled a fantasy. It was supposed to help ease her broken heart, and then be over with. It was not supposed to give her heart a different sort of ache. The boy was not supposed to be her cousin.

Sighing irritably, she hopped out of her fluffy bed, thick with too many covers. She immediately pushed her feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers next to her bed. The entire house had wood floors and they were especially chilly early in the morning. Jessie could hear the sounds of cartoons and laughter in the next room and knew that her roommates were awake. She’d managed to go an entire day without them really grilling her on her hookup. She had no idea what she’d say to them. Hearing them talking with each other, Jessie darted into the bathroom and bought herself some time with a cooling shower.

Thinking of what to tell her roommates had her thinking about the boy in question. Kai. Kai Harper, the boy bearing her own last name. She groaned softly and tried not to think about it. Taking a horribly long time washing her hair, she remembered hanging out with him yesterday. If you took all of the near-flirtations out of the day, she’d enjoyed spending time with him. He was interesting, funny, pretty smart, and outrageously handsome. He was the kind of guy she could see herself with for awhile. But, that wasn’t really on option for them. That would sort of be unexplainable at the family reunions. That thought, again, made Jessie groan.

Rinsing off the bubbles, she thought about having dinner with him last night. They’d sat on the floor on either side of his bed, the pizza box spread out on the mattress between them. As they talked and ate their food, they’d each occasionally glanced at the bed, remembering. It was going to take awhile for that night to leave either one of their brains. He’d admitted to her that it was the best he’d ever had. While she hadn’t said it, she’d been thinking the exact same thing. No, a night like that wasn’t the sort of thing you just suddenly forgot, even if you wished you could.

Stepping out of the shower, Jessie started piecing together her day. She wanted to check on Grams again, make sure she didn’t need any help with anything yet and she wasn’t in too much pain, then she wanted to go get some groceries for Kai. Rummaging through his kitchen for something to drink last night, she couldn’t help but notice that all he had was a nearly empty carton of milk in the fridge. She’d given him a curious look and he’d only shrugged at her and apologized, saying he hadn’t gotten around to shopping for food yet. She wasn’t sure, but he was probably filling himself up on junk. Boys had a tendency to do that, especially boys left to their own devices.

And she wanted to help him. Aside from the fact that she actually liked him, he was family, and that’s what family does, helps each other. Plus, a small nagging part of her brain wanted to see him again. She tried to shut that part off as she got dressed.

Finally feeling more put together to face her inquisitive friends, she walked out into the living room. April was sitting on the couch, her feet up on the cushions, her hands around her knees, and was deep in a conversation with Harmony on the opposite end of the couch. Harm looked up when Jessie entered and April cut off mid-sentence, twisting around to face her.

“Oh, she surfaces. Feeling better?” April winked, and Jessie knew she wasn’t really talking about her hangover being gone.

Ignoring the twisting sensation in her gut, she smiled as best as she could. “Much, thanks.”

April laughed. “No problem, you needed it.” Harmony sighed and frowned, but didn’t comment. April jumped around to lean over the back of the couch, up on her knees now. “So…how was he?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively and Jessie suppressed a groan. And it starts, she thought.

“Well, I don’t really remember.” Jessie shrugged and fully walked into the living room, plopping down in a chair under a bay window. It looked out over the city and had a pretty spectacular view of the mountains.

Her dad had secured this place for her before he’d gotten transferred away. He’d wanted to make sure that she lived in a decent area before he left town, and had even paid for her rent for a year. Just in case, he said. It wasn’t necessary, Jessie had a job, but Jessie was the only girl in a family full of boys, so her father was a little overprotective. And since he worked for the government, he also had a decent enough career that he could do things like that for her. He would not be happy, if he ever found out how careless she had been the other night.

April snorting brought Jessie’s attention back to her. She had twisted back around to the front and was staring at Jessie incredulously. “Your first one nighter and you don’t remember? How lame.” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you just messing with me?”

Jessie sighed and shrugged. “I’m sorry, I was really wasted. I don’t think we even did anything.” Hoping her cheeks didn’t betray her lie, she glared at April. “You guys called too fast.”

April reached out and smacked Harmony. “See, I told you they needed more time.”

Harmony eyed Jessie oddly, but then shrugged too. “We were just looking out for you, Jessie. Going off with strange guys, even hot ones, isn’t a good idea.”

Jessie smiled warmly at her concerned friend. “I know.” God…how she knew that now.

April swung her head back around. “Was he hot? I don’t remember…  He was the blonde one, right?”

Jessie smiled, but didn’t say anything. If they didn’t remember Kai, it would make introducing him to her roommates later so much easier. Harmony looked over at April. “No, he had dark hair.” Jessie suppressed a sigh. Harmony had started out the night drinking, but had eventually stopped so she could drive them all home. Jessie was hoping that when she’d first spotted Kai, she’d still been buzzing. Tilting her head at Jessie, Harmony asked, “He was Latin, right?

Jessie quickly nodded. Kai vaguely looked Latin enough that, seen from a distance, Harmony would buy that. “Yeah, his name was Spanish. Something like…” She racked her brain for something from back in high school Spanish class. Unfortunately, only one name popped up, and she spouted it out immediately. “Ricardo.”

April laughed. “Seriously? Oh, well, I’m sorry I missed hot Ricardo, your almost Latin lover.” She laughed more, greatly enjoying tormenting Jessie.

Jessie stood, shaking her head at the woman. As she was leaving the room, April said, “I made out with a Javier once.” Harmony chuckled at her and as Jessie meandered into the kitchen, wanting to run but making herself walk, she heard April add, “Yeah, that whole myth about them being amazing lovers – not true.” Harmony laughed even more at that and Jessie, finally out of their view, leaned over the kitchen counter, taking some deep breaths.

Maybe she’d done it? Maybe she’d thrown them off Kai’s trail. She was sure April wouldn’t remember him, hot guys were a dime a dozen to her, but Harmony…well, she was hoping the name and ethnicity would keep her from connecting anything. Even so, Kai was going to have to stay away from her place for awhile. At least until the details of that night faded from her friends’ minds. She wished they would fade from hers already. What she wouldn’t give at the moment for that night to just be a blackout.

Getting herself together, Jessie grabbed a protein bar and a yogurt smoothie from the fridge. Knowing she couldn’t appear antisocial or someone would ask what was wrong, she headed back to the living room to eat her meal. Her eyes drifted over the knickknacks she kept at her place, the photos of family, the framed prints of the Rockies on the walls, the clusters of candle pillars around the room. Everything was tidy and organized. It screamed - three girls live here.

As she listened to April and Harmony discuss the various men that April had slept with, Jessie noted that she had a lot of stuff. Idly looking around, she decided to box up some of her extra things and give them to Kai. He might like a couple of candles, maybe the muskier scents that she kept in her closet. And he might like the picture of Seven Falls that was tucked away in the bathroom. The famous waterfall might remind him of home. Jessie was smiling softly to herself as she ate, thinking about which things to give to him.

“You so did sleep with that guy!”

Jessie snapped out of her revery to see both April and Harmony staring at her. “What?” she asked cautiously.

Harmony frowned and raised an eyebrow at her. “We’ve been talking to you. Where have you been?”

Jessie felt her cheeks heat and she opened and closed her mouth, searching for an answer. April snorted. “You so slept with Ricardo.” She started giggling. “I knew it! You had that freshly-fucked glow when we picked you up.”

Jessie gasped and chucked a throw pillow at her friend. She completely missed and April doubled over with laughter. Jessie stuttered again, then shook her head. “Grams got hurt yesterday,” she ended up sputtering.

April stopped laughing. “Oh, god. Is she okay?”

Jessie inwardly smiled, but to them, sighed. “She fractured her hip. She’s going to be in the hospital for a couple of days. I was just thinking about what to bring her, to cheer her up.” This diverted all of the girls’ attention away from “Ricardo”, and they spent the rest of breakfast thinking of things to do for the sweet woman.

An hour later, Jessie was arriving at the hospital to see that sweet older woman. Knocking quietly on her door, she opened it when she heard her grandmother’s cheery voice. She was chatting with a nurse when Jessie stepped into the room. They were chatting so breezily, that anyone observing them would have thought they’d been best friends for years, but knowing Grams, she’d probably just met the woman. Mid-chuckle, her grandmother looked over at Jessie approaching her bed. Smiling at the nurse, she brightly said, “Oh, Susan, this is her, this is my granddaughter, Jessica Marie.”

Jessie obligingly smiled at the woman and extended her hand. “Hi.”

Susan smiled at her. She was around the age of Jessie’s mom, but was short, blonde, and round as could be. She seemed pleasant though, as she looked back at her grams. “Millie, what a beautiful family you have. Between her and the boy, you’re very lucky.”

Jessie’s grandma raised an eyebrow at her. “You just wait until you actually see Kai, he’s quite a looker. Do you have any single girls?”

Jessie flushed and wanted to protest, but couldn’t find a reason to. Luckily, the plump nurse shook her head. “Nope, all boys.” She glanced over at Jessie. “Are you single, dear?”

Jessie’s eyes widened. “I…uh…”

The nurse laughed and patted her on the shoulder. “I’m just teasing, dear, don’t panic. I’ll check on you in a little bit, Millie. You let me know if you need anything.”

Looking around Jessie, the sprightly patient cheerily said goodbye to her nurse. Jessie watched the woman leave and then turned her attention back to her grandmother. She patted the edge of her bed and Jessie came over to sit beside her. Putting an arm over her grandmother’s frail shoulders, she noticed some new magazines, a warm blanket, and a bag full of knitting needles and yarn. Jessie scrunched her brow. “Did someone bring you some stuff, Grams?”

Her grandma looked at the few new additions to her room and smiled widely. Glancing over to a bouquet of daisies in the window, her aged eyes glowed with pride. “Kai, he came in late last night.” She looked back to Jessie, while Jessie tried to not react too startled to that. She’d stayed pretty late at his place. He must have come to the hospital after she’d gone home. Grams watched her face and then patted Jessie’s knee. “He said he couldn’t sleep, still adjusting to the time zones.” She grinned and nodded to the door. “He charmed his way past the nurses, tried to leave me gifts while I slept, but I woke up, caught him red-handed.”

She laughed, and Jessie found herself shaking her head and smiling, a warm feeling settling in her chest. “That was sweet of him,” she said quietly.

Grams patted her knee again. “Yes, it was. He’s a very good boy. You’ll see that, the more time you spend with him.” Her grandmother gave her an odd look and then tilted her head at Jessie. “He said you got everything moved into his place.” Jessie nodded, careful to not show any of her turmoil. Being in his place had sort of been hard, especially at first.

Her grandmother sighed and looked concerned. “Is he okay there? Does he have enough? Does he have any food?”

Jessie smiled, amused that, even laid up in a hospital bed, Grams was trying to take care of someone else. Noticing how in line with her own thoughts her grandmother’s was, Jessie’s smile widened. “He’s fine, Grams.”

Her grandmother didn’t look convinced as she relaxed back into Jessie’s arms. Her face overly serious, she eyed Jessie intently. “We need to look out for him.” She shook her head of silver hair. “We’re all he has here, Jessica Marie.”

Jessie stifled a sigh and swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. Praying her eyes didn’t water, she nodded at Grams and then laid her head on the older woman’s. “You just worry about you, Grams. I got Kai,” she whispered, her heart constricting painfully.

Her grandmother exhaled and squeezed her knee. “Good, dear. He needs you.”

After making sure Grams didn’t need anything else, Jessie finally gave her a kiss goodbye and left her room. Walking back to her truck, Jessie flicked a couple of tears off her cheeks, surprised to find them there. Really, she needed to let this go. Sure, he was amazing, funny, hot, and now she found out, exceedingly sweet, but he was first and foremost, her cousin. And not even a distant cousin. He was her first cousin.

Climbing into her truck, she drove to the nearest grocery store, determined to fulfill her promise to her grams and take care of Kai. She loaded up a grocery cart full of the foods that she thought he might like. It was kind of hard, since she didn’t really know him. Not in that way at least. About halfway through, she gave up trying to guess what might interest him, and just bought what she knew she loved. If she couldn’t guess his likes immediately, then she could at least introduce him to her favorites. Pushing the squeaky cart past the produce section, she came across some fresh pineapples. Immediately reminded of him, she plopped one in the cart.

Getting in the line of a young, chatty cashier, Jessie hoped Kai wasn’t offended by her bringing him bags of food. Well, if he was, she’d just tell him that he couldn’t carry a ton of food on his motorcycle anyway. Really, who comes to Colorado in October and buys a bike? He was going to freeze his ass off when the weather dropped in the next couple months. While he was right, and it usually was sunny and dry here, it also got pretty cold, below freezing cold. Much chillier than the tropical boy was used to. She smiled as the cashier talked her ear off while she scanned the food. He was a bike guy? Ridiculous man.

A half hour later, she was knocking on the ridiculous man’s door. Well, really she was lightly kicking it with her toe. Her arms were lined all the way from her hands to her elbows with cutting-off-the-circulation bags. She shifted them and kicked a little harder, hoping he was home. After a second, the door briskly opened. He pulled it back and she stopped and stared at him for a moment, her arms instantly forgotten.

Jessie had apparently caught him just out of the shower. He had jeans on, but not buttoned, and was rubbing his hair with a towel. He didn’t have a shirt on yet. Her eyes immediately snapped to his chest, fixated on the tattoo peeking up over his shoulder. He stopped rubbing his hair as he took in her sudden appearance.

“Jessie? What are you doing here?”

His surprised voice brought Jessie back to the situation, or more accurately, the lack of feeling in her fingers. She peeked up at his sea-green eyes, amazing, even startled. “Help,” she squeaked, trying to hold out her arms to him.

He finally seemed to notice that she was nearly overflowing with grocery bags. “Oh, sorry.”

He swung the door open and grabbed a handful of the bags from her. Jessie sighed with relief when the pressure was off of her and the blood started circulating again. She hated making trips, and hadn’t thought that carrying that many bags would be so challenging. As he took the remainder of them, Jessie was a little surprised to find that she was breathing heavily. He twisted away from her as he set them on the counter and she studied his back as she shut the door. Leaning against it, she found herself biting her lip and imagining her fingers trailing over the backside of that black ink again. Funny, she’d never much cared for tattoos…until she’d seen his. Now she couldn’t get enough of it.

He twisted back to her, his face confused. “You bought all this, for me?” His face twisted adorably as he watched her expression, her still uneven breath. “Jessie?” he said again, quietly, taking a step towards her. Jessie’s eyes flashed down to his open jeans and then she straightened, staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t let herself think that way. It was wrong.

Deciding to take the humor route again, she told him, “Yeah, well, when I noticed your fridge last night, it reminded me of when my dad used to travel all over the place when I was a kid.” Her eyes came back down to him tentatively, but he’d buttoned up his jeans and had draped the towel over his shoulder, mostly hiding his body from her. He twisted to look through the bags again and she sighed.

“Whenever I’d call him, he’d say he was having a five-star meal.” Kai looked back at her with an eyebrow cocked and she laughed at his look. “That was our code for…a bowl of cereal.” Kai grinned and she smiled warmly at seeing it. Stepping towards him, she indicated the slew of bags. “I figured if you were anything like most men, you were probably living off Fruit Loops.”

He gave her an adorable pout, then opened the cupboard over his sink. In it, was one box of Fruit Loops. Shaking his head, he moved the box aside. Jessie laughed at what was hiding behind the box. “I also have a can of Spam,” he said, his voice on the edge of laughing.

She made a face, then laughed harder. “Spam?”

He turned and leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest. “Don’t knock it. I could make you a Spam sandwich that would have you turning your back on every other sandwich in the world.”

He lifted the corner of just one lip at her. It was startlingly attractive and she exhaled very slowly. “Well, I’d just have to see that to believe it.”

He grinned fully. “Deal.”

She helped him put the food away, a small thrill of delight going through her whenever he said he loved something. More than one time he asked her how she knew exactly what he would like. It thrilled her, and saddened her. The very last thing he pulled out was the pineapple. He looked at her oddly as he quietly said, “You bought me a pineapple?”

She couldn’t tell if he found humor in that or not. She wasn’t sure if he was offended by it or not. His voice was odd and unreadable. “Um…yeah.” Feeling foolish for her obviously ethnic choice, she flushed. “Sorry, kind of…cliché, isn’t it?”

He set it down and put a hand over hers on the counter. His hand was warm, soft from his shower. “No, it’s very nice.” His eyes got a faraway look for a second. “Reminds me of home.” Looking back at her, he smiled warmly again. “Thank you, Jessie, for everything.”

He whispered that last part huskily, and she found herself inching towards him. Not breaking eye contact, she placed a hand on his chest, just under his towel. She felt his muscles stiffen and his lips parted a little. Hers did too. She knew she shouldn’t touch him like that, but she felt drawn to him, she couldn’t stop herself. Her fingers curled, lightly grazing his skin and she bit her lip again. She felt the tears of frustration sting her eyes as their gazes were completely locked. She wanted to be so close to him, and she couldn’t be. It was killing her.

He noticed her tears. One of his hands cupped her cheek, while the other pulled her fingers away from his chest. “It will get easier,” he whispered. Looking torn, he finally gave her a light peck on the forehead. She closed her eyes, her stomach twisting at the same time. “I should finish getting dressed,” he mumbled, then turned and left her alone in the kitchen, staring at the spiky fruit on the counter. Stupid pineapple.

**************

Kai walked into the bathroom, needing a minute to pull himself together. He’d pulled away from her when all he’d wanted to do was grab her and lock those beautiful, perfect lips to his. He still sort of wanted that, even though his stomach churned at the thought.

He couldn’t believe she’d shown up on his doorstep, overflowing with food. In the shower, he’d just been wondering how he was going to get a full load of groceries home with his bike. He figured he’d have to make several trips, but he hated making trips, so he’d probably just end up buying one day’s worth of meals at a time. Not the most cost effective way to live.

But Jessie had saved him from having to worry about it. And she’d managed to pick up the majority of things he routinely craved. Sometimes it was like they were cut from the same cloth. Kai closed his eyes, remembering that, technically, they sort of were cut from the same cloth. He knew genetics didn’t account for personality and tastes, but, it accounted for a lot of why they were similar. Too similar. Grotesquely similar. Don’t touch her similar. Don’t walk back into that room and throw her down on the mattress similar.

Running some water, he splashed it on his face, hoping to clear his thoughts. He needed to get a handle on this, if they were going to be such an important part of each other’s lives. And they were going to be, he could already tell that. He already wanted that. He wanted her around, right or wrong.

As his sense came back to him, Kai wiped off his face with the towel on his shoulder, and then hung the towel over the rack on the wall. He exited the small room, still warm from his shower. He’d cranked up the heat on the water when he’d been in there, wanting to feel a little bit of mugginess. As a result, a dampness was still in the air. He hoped that Jessie didn’t have to use it anytime soon. Running his hands down his bare arms and feeling the full-of-moisture softness of his skin, he glanced at Jessie as he walked back into the living room. Her eyes were locked onto his chest, but she quickly looked down to the floor.

He sighed, walking over to his dresser. Normally, he’d enjoy getting checked out by a girl. Who didn’t like the feeling of being admired? But right now it only complicated things. Especially when he couldn’t stop staring at the tight button up shirt that she’d put on today. It was fitted in all the right areas and a dark chocolate color that perfectly matched her eyes. It was amazing on her, especially paired with the long gray skirt and what he had to imagine were thigh high boots. Well, that’s what he preferred to imagine anyway.

Rummaging through his drawers, he sighed again. She looked too amazing. Maybe he should tell her to ugly up, if that was even possible. He laughed to himself at that thought, grabbing a deep blue sweater that his mom had ordered online and insisted that he took with him. She’d been positive that the temperature here would be twenty below, every day. But Kai did find himself almost always a little cold, so he slipped it on.

From the kitchen he heard Jessie say, “What’s so funny?”

He glanced back at her watching him smooth the sweater over his chest. It was tightly knit and soft. It pretty much looked like a long sleeve t-shirt more than a sweater, but it was keeping him warm enough that he didn’t have to double up today. Remembering his earlier thought about Jessie somehow making herself uglier, just to make hanging around her easier, he smiled and shook his head. “Nothing.”

Still eyeing his chest, Jessie grinned slyly. “We’re going to have to buy you long johns, when it actually does get cold around here.”

Kai frowned at that, he already thought it was cold. Shaking his head at her still teasing him, he walked into the room. “Well, the next time I go visit my parents, you should come with, then we’ll see who’s more uncomfortable.” He grinned crookedly at her and for a second, she looked like she’d stopped breathing. Kai turned away, not wanting to read into her body language. It was best if he just didn’t think about it.

Grabbing the pineapple she’d brought over, he thought maybe he’d share it with her. Pineapples were a traditional welcoming gift, meant to impact well wishes on the new arrival. He wasn’t sure if Jessie knew that when she bought it, but he was touched nonetheless. Plus, it did remind him of home.

Leaning back on the counter, Jessie smirked at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s no challenge. I kick ass in a bikini.”

Kai stopped his hand that had been reaching for a cutting board and stared back at her. She was grinning almost seductively at him and he couldn’t stop the wave of desire that sprang up. He suddenly wanted to cut open the fruit on the counter, run a piece along her lip, and suck the juice off. He wanted that more than anything. He closed his eyes, reason returning as he did.

He heard Jessie gasp softly. “Oh, um…damn it,” she muttered.

He cracked a peek at her. She looked mortified and he couldn’t help but grin. Did she really not see the sexiness in both her statement and her face, until just then? God help him if she was clueless about her effect on men. Or maybe just him. He shook his head at her. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that, cousin.” He said the word teasingly, wanting to dissipate the tension that always seemed to build up between them, and she raised an eyebrow at hearing it.

Her cheeks flushing wonderfully, she gave him a small smile. “Right…cousin.”

Her body was blocking the set of knives that he needed, but instead of just reaching around her, like he’d do with any other beautiful girl, he pointed at them. “May I?”

She looked behind herself and moved out of the way. “What are you doing?”

Grabbing a knife, he held it up to her. “I’m hungry, and I owe you big, again, so I thought I’d prove a point.” She scrunched her face adorably and he laughed, opening his cupboard to grab the can of Spam. She immediately frowned and he laughed harder. “Deals a deal…cousin.”

He found that the more he called her that, the more distance he could put between them. Like a verbal reminder. She smiled at hearing him say it again, and then shook her head. Maybe she needed a reminder too. A part of him wanted her to, and that made him feel horribly conflicted as he started slicing open the pineapple. A part of him actually wanted his cousin to want him as badly as he wanted her. Jessie had nailed it yesterday, when she’d said that their situation was messed up. It definitely was.

Instructing her on how to slice and fry up the Spam, he called her cousin about five more times. She laughed and followed his instructions, mocking his deli choice the whole while. He grinned as the smell of spiced, processed, ham-like meat filled his small home. Grabbing some bread that she’d bought for him, he toasted some slices and prepared the mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato. She’d brought him everything he could have asked for. Laying their finished sandwiches next to a pile of fresh pineapple, he handed her a plate and they went over to sit on the edge of his bed to eat their lunch.

Kai smiled as he watched her take her first bite. She‘d been grimacing as she did it, until the taste hit her. Then she smiled and she made a too-pleasing noise in her throat. He tried to ignore the sound, and chuckled at her reaction. He knew she’d like it. Everyone did, once they gave it a chance.

Jessie was looking around his walls oddly as she ate her meal. He thought to ask her why, but then didn’t; he was enjoying the silence of her company. Once they finished up, he grabbed her plate and took it the few steps to his kitchen. He started setting the plates in the sink, vowing to clean up later, and looked back at her. She was still sitting on his bed, looking around his room, but she’d leaned back on her elbows. The move emphasized her chest. Her body strained against the shirt, one button just about to pop open if she moved back any farther. Kai thought he could see her snow white skin behind the seams of the dark fabric. He suddenly remembered that creamy skin in all its full naked glory.

He dropped one of the plates into the sink.

Jessie’s head swung around at hearing the loud clatter. She sat up on his bed, her brows furrowing, right as Kai turned back to the sink, cursing as he inspected the now split-in-half plate. Not knowing how to talk his way out of that one, he turned the faucet on to give himself something to do. He was pretty sure his face was flushed as he suddenly felt quite warm, on fire really.

Sometimes it was easy and causal to be around her. Other times…not so much. He hung his head as the situation overwhelmed him. Why her? Of all of the girls that he’d ever slept with, which really wasn’t all that many, why did it have to be the one that he was related to, that he was starting to like the most?

He leaned against the counter, his head still down as he watched the water swish some of the broken fragments down the drain. A hand came up to rest on his back and he sighed, closing his eyes. Why her?

He heard her shut the water off, felt her other hand come to his face, turning him around. Kai opened his eyes as he twisted to face her, her brows knotted in concern as she looked over his features. Kai felt wiped. He’d had to adjust to so much coming here – the different times, the different climate, the different altitude, leaving all of his friends and what family he’d known – but adjusting to her, that was harder than all of it.

The hand on his shoulder rubbed small circles into his back as she stepped closer to him. The thumb on his cheek, swept back and forth across his skin. “Kai,” she whispered. Her voice sent a painful ache through him - horrible, yet wonderful. Shaking her head, her loose curls brushing over her collar bones, she looked him squarely in the eye. “It will get easier…cousin.”

He closed his eyes at that, and melted into her embrace.

Chapter   6

Pinned in Place

Monday morning, Kai woke up before the alarm he’d set on his cell phone. It was a little surprising to him, since his body still hadn’t really adjusted and seven in the morning still felt more like three. But he’d had trouble sleeping. He’d had trouble falling asleep and he’d had trouble staying asleep. His dreams, when he’d slipped into slumber long enough to have them, had all centered around a dark-haired, dark-eyed girl with amazing curves and an unbelievable smile. A girl he dreamed of kissing, but shouldn’t dream of kissing.  He’d give anything to stop thinking about her that way. How did one woman completely turn his world upside down?

Standing and raking his fingers back through his hair, he decided to take a nice, long, hot shower. He would not think about her body while he was in that shower, either. That would be wrong.

When he was done, he considered dressing in every warm piece of clothing he had. He’d be up in the mountains today and it was bound to be even colder than the city. Smiling as he rummaged through his grandmother’s dresser drawers, he thought about Jessie’s comment about long johns yesterday. That was actually a pretty good idea. Maybe he’d pick some up later.

Kai made a quick bowl of cereal after slipping on his multiple layers of clothes. When his stomach was full of the sugary substance that he’d lived on before Jessie’s generous shopping trip, he took a moment to savor feeling nice and toasty warm in his apartment. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t feel that way for the rest of the day. Inhaling deep, he grabbed his jacket and prepared for his first day as a research assistant at Kriley Research Center.  Their base was located near Golden Gate Canyon State Park, about thirty miles outside the city.

Sliding on his bike, Kai shifted his thoughts to what was important right now. His new job. He wanted to make a good impression on the friend of his father, and wanted to be invaluable to his team. Maybe if Kai played his cards right, he could take over there when the man retired. From what his father had told him, Mason Thomas specialized in entomology, and was making huge strides in discovering why certain honey bees were dying off for no apparent reason. While that seemed small to some people, Kai understood that we were all connected on this earth, and what affected one, eventually affected all. What happened to the lowliest creatures could happen to anything.

Kai kick-started his bike and began his journey out of town. Thinking about his father and his new job brought Kai’s mind around to his mother. She had called him against last night, thankfully not as late, or early, as the last time. She’d again asked about his job and he’d again reminded her that he hadn’t started it yet. There had been a really long pause after he’d said that, and then she’d apologized for not remembering. Kai wasn’t sure why she was bringing up his job so much; she did practically the same thing in Hawaii, just with a different sort of habitat than what he’d be studying.  Maybe she was just hoping that he would hate the work here and come home.

As Kai approached the majestic mountains, the cool wind whipping his jeans as he sped along, he thought that once he got used to the colder temperature, he’d learn to love it here. The snowcapped monoliths were a thing of beauty, and even though it was approaching winter, there was a colorful flora dotting the lower portions of the mountains.  The Aspens, ranging from bright yellow to deep red, washed the hills in a sea of color. Kai couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen something so beautiful. Well, maybe last night, when Jessie had smiled while saying goodnight.

Frowning under his helmet, Kai recommitted himself to not think about her like that. Unfortunately, he had had a feeling he’d be reminding himself to not think that way about his cousin for a very long time. He purposefully thought about anything other than the way Jessie had laughed last night, or run a hand back through her curls, or showed her never-ending concern for him, when she’d asked if he needed anything else before she’d left. Failing miserably at pushing her out of his head, Kai eventually made it to the outskirts of the State park.

Winding his bike up a steep hill, the ground at the base of the mountain still thankfully clear of snow, Kai came upon a series of plain gray buildings. The researchers inside more concerned with the wildlife around them than the aesthetics, the buildings were low, squat rectangles that stood out in harsh contrast to the nature bursting around them. Kai smiled as he turned his bike off and popped his helmet off. A thick green forest backed right up to the buildings and he could easily imagine spending countless hours in them, tracking migration patterns, studying the local plant life, and maybe even helping to capture and tag some of the animals.

Just as he was swinging his leg over the Honda, he heard a voice calling. “Hey, you the new guy?”

Kai propped his helmet on his bike and turned to see a guy around his age approaching. The man had a shaggy head of medium brown hair and the beginnings of a very nice Grizzly Adams type beard. He also looked like he hadn’t showered in about two weeks. At first glance, it almost seemed like the man cared more for taking care of the life around him, than taking care of himself. But with the wide smile on his face as he stepped up to him, Kai thought the man couldn’t have cared less either. He was obviously happy with what he did, happy with his life. And apparently, happy to see Kai.

As Kai smiled and nodded that he was indeed the new person, the man smiled even wider and extended his hand. “Oh, good. Fresh meat. We’ve been running a little lean. Everyone will be excited that you’re finally here.” He eyed Kai up and down after they finished with the handshake. “Especially Missy.” He laughed, his eyes mischievous. “She’ll be ecstatic that you’re here.”

Kai tried not to read too much into that and only smiled politely. “My name’s Kai Harper.”

The man nodded, like he knew that. “Right, yeah, I’m Louis. That’s Louis with an ‘s’. I don’t do that weird, my name ends in an ‘s’, so change it to an ‘e’ and call me Louie, thing.”

Kai bit his cheek. The smart-aleck in him wanted to immediately call the man Louie, but he didn’t know the guy well enough to immediately mock him. Kai had the distinct feeling that Jessie would have mocked him anyway. The thought made him smile softly to himself.

Louis extended a hand out to the largest of the gray buildings. “Your new habitat will be here.” Giving Kai a wry look over his shoulder as Kai followed him, he added, “We’ll get you a team shirt, so you match the herd, and a GPS unit, so we can track your movements in the wild.”

The man smirked at his own joke and Kai smiled and lightly shook his head. Researcher humor. His dad used to do that when he was younger. Chronicling the life of a five year old human child like he was Dian Fossey and Kai was a gorilla in the mist.

Looking down at Louis, Kai noted the teal polo he wore with the name of the center in the upper left corner. He paired it with khaki slacks, slightly muddy around the knee area, and a black belt that looked like some type of superheroes utility belt. Gadgets and gizmos hung off in various places: a cell phone, a satellite phone, the aforementioned GPS unit, hopefully containing a detailed map of the mountains on it, and off one hip, what appeared to be a tranquilizer gun. Kai didn’t think it was probably necessary to carry a tranq gun around with you, attached to your hip like you were Han Solo or something, but figured that this guy liked to feel like some Indiana Jones type explorer.

They walked through the double doors of the building and the smell of purified, recycled air hit Kai. It reminded him of a lab and he smiled, instantly feeling at home. Growing up with parents that were big on environmental science, Kai had had a healthy respect for running tests in labs. While most kids only got to make baking soda volcanoes, and that was pretty much the extent of their science experience, Kai had been able to assist his mom and dad in an actual lab. When he was ten, he’d even gotten to help his dad carbon date some fossilized palm fronds with a friend of his. It kind of made baking soda volcanoes seem a little…mild.

As Kai’s eyes swept over what looked like an informal gathering area, where a couple of men were sipping some coffee and a  blonde woman was eating a bagel, his eyes spotted a bespectacled woman with a face full of freckles and the frizziest hair he’d ever seen. She was studying Kai as intently as she might study a newfound species. Her mouth was even dropped open in surprise. Confused, Kai looked around himself, but she was definitely staring at him.

As Louis proceeded to explain to him what and where the rooms were – dining hall, bathrooms, spare bedrooms, labs, library, offices, etc – the woman hopped up from her chair and walked over to the pair of them. Her amazed look not leaving her, she shook her head as she walked up to Louis.

“What did you find, Louis?”

Louis paused mid-sentence and looked over at her and then Kai, that mischievous gleam in his eye again. “New guy.”

Her mouth dropped even wider as her eyes dragged over Kai’s body. Kai started feeling a little violated by her intense inspection. Being admired was one thing, having all of your manhood analyzed and broken down into specific attributes, quite another. Hoping to break the ogling, he stuck his hand out. “Kai Harper,” he said politely.

Her eyes still sweeping over him, she grinned widely and grasped his hand; her pale eyes widened at the skin to skin contact. “Wow, you are beautiful,” she matter-of-factly told him.

Kai felt heat flood his cheeks as Louis beside him started chuckling. The woman didn’t look embarrassed in the least as she continued shaking his hand. She looked like she’d merely stated an observational fact.

“Um…well, thank you?” Kai mumbled.

She grinned wider and shook her head. “No, I’m serious. You are, by far, the most attractive researcher we’ve ever had out here. I look forward to working with you every day.” Kai flushed more, wanting to pull his hand back, but she still had it tight. “Name’s Missy. Missy Jones.”

Kai flicked a glance at Louis, who shrugged and laughed at Kai’s obvious discomfort. Leaning in, he whispered, “I told you she’d like you.”

Missy pulled on the hand that she was still shaking and started absconding with Kai down a hallway. Louis waved goodbye, still chuckling at him. Kai frowned at the change of events, and turned back to where this short, wiry woman was walking them down a tiled hallway. He noticed that she was wearing the same teal polo shirt and khaki slacks as Louis, and her belt had just as many gadgets, although, not a tranq gun. She opened a door, giving him a suggestive smile as she twisted the knob and backed into the room.

Kai started to wonder just what she planned on doing with him, as she prattled on about the comings and goings of life at the research center. Flicking on a light, she pulled him all the way into the room and closed the door behind him. Confused, Kai scrunched his brows, until she pulled him over to a closet, then he breathed out a soft sigh of relief. They seemed to be in what looked like a storage room. Aside from the closet built in the wall, there were wire racks forming aisle ways in the large room. On the shelves were various computer parts, extra lab equipment, and a box labeled “lost and found”. Kai could just see the tip of what looked like a bright pink feather boa in that box.

Shaking his head, he brought his attention back to Missy. She still hadn’t let go of him, and was now opening the closet. Rambling about the various men that had either worked here before or worked here now, she rummaged through a box. Giving him a once over, she stopped telling him about this guy who used to work there that constantly smelled of Pine Sol, and asked, “You’re a medium, right?”

Kai started to answer her, when she pulled her hand out of the box and thrust a teal shirt in his face. Kai blinked and grabbed it with his free hand. She eyed his pants and he twisted a bit, not liking exactly where her gaze was fixated. “Thirty two, right?”

Again he thought to answer her, but again she reached in another box and pulled out some slacks. Kai was a little amazed that she’d sized him up so correctly, and grabbed the pants with his shirt hand, since she still hadn’t let him go.

“Um, thanks.” He’d never worked at a lab where they made you wear a “uniform” before. The place his parents worked at was pretty relaxed about what you wore. Oh well, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about his wardrobe, although, he’d be adding layers underneath his short-sleeved polo for sure. “Where can I…?” He looked around and successfully pulled his hand away, hoping she’d get the hint.

Missy frowned at them being separated, then smiled brightly. “Oh, just change right there. We’re all family here.” She twisted to rummage through the closet for a belt and one of those GPS units. Kai raised an eyebrow at her and looked around the room again. He really didn’t want to change in front of this odd woman, he had a feeling she’d enjoy that too much. When she looked back and saw that he hadn’t stripped yet, she frowned, then nodded her head to the side. “There’s a bathroom in the corner.” She shook her head, like she was highly disappointed in him.

Shaking his head at her, Kai walked over to the bathroom. If their roles were reversed, and he’d just done that to her, he was pretty sure he’d be sued. Double standards. They worked both ways, which, he supposed balanced out the double standard, making everything fair and even again. The marvel of the universe.

Eyeing his uniformed self in the mirror, he noticed that the teal of the shirt brought out the green in his blue-green eyes. They looked even more surreal as he stared at himself. Looking back to where Missy was most likely imagining him naked, he cringed, hoping that the effect didn’t make her interest in him worse. For just a split-second, he wondered if Jessie would like this color on him. Pushing that aside and shaking his head at his wandering mind, he grabbed his clothes and opened the bathroom door.

Missy was predictably staring at the door, her pale eyes narrowed intently, like she’d been trying to see through it. Looking up at his face when she spotted him, she didn’t seem even remotely bothered about being caught. She smiled widely when she noticed his eyes. He sighed as she bit her lip and shook her head. She’d definitely noticed the color then, and found it appealing too. Kai was starting to think that Missy might make his days here pretty long.

She grinned broadly, her frazzled hair making the look seem sort of wild and untamed, much like the wilderness behind them. “Holy crap, you are one attractive man.” Stepping right up to him, her eyes flicking between his, she calmly said, “You want to take me out?” Again, she didn’t look embarrassed in the slightest.

Kai swallowed, wanting a polite way out of this. Finally, as she moved even closer to him, her hands reaching out for his, he quickly uttered, “I wish I could, but…I don’t date coworkers.” She frowned and dropped her hands. Biting back he smile, he added, “Sorry, personal rule.”

She tilted her head, eyed him up and down, and then sighed loudly. “Oh, too bad.” Brightening, she bumped Kai’s hip with hers. “Well, if you ever have an itch that needs…scratching, I’m your girl.” She winked at him as his eyes widened. “No dating involved.”

As Kai sputtered for something to say, Missy spun and turned away from him. Watching her bony body in shocked silence, he saw her look back at him over her shoulder. Pausing at the exit, she lowly said, “And, just so you know, I do…everything.” Her eyes flicked down to his pants, intently, then she grinned and left the room.

Kai backed up into the bathroom door. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself. So far, Colorado was being very welcoming to him. Odd. He’d had his share of admirers in Hawaii, but certainly nothing to this extent. Maybe his looks were just unique here. Back home, every third person looked similar to him. Well, maybe in coloring. He’d always been told that his eyes were unique.

Straightening, he raised his chin and adjusted his shoulders. Well, he was a man. He could deal with these forward women and do his job. Besides, he had no intention of taking Missy up on her outlandish offer. As he exited the room though, he was curious by what exactly “everything” meant.

Missy was thankfully nowhere in sight when he stepped out of the supply room. Having left his clothes on a shelf in there, he adjusted the belt and the equipment that Missy had left out for him. Feeling like a full-fledged member of the team, he looked around for his new boss. Not seeing anyone in the empty hallway, he made his way to the back, where Louis had indicated that the labs were.

Right in front of a set of hermetically sealed double doors was a row of hooks with perfectly white lab coats hanging off of them. He slipped on a coat before entering the clean room. The doors hissed open and Kai stepped in, taking a look around the stark, white room. There were cages holding small forest animals, most waiting to have their health checked and recorded by a busy researcher before being released. Sizes, sexes, general health and diet samples, were all things they’d be keeping track of. Keeping an eye on the welfare of the smaller creatures, gave you an idea on the welfare of the larger creatures, right on up to humans.

Seeing stations set up for running those tests, along with various others, Kai spotted an older man examining a honeycomb of bees encased in glass. It was getting close to their hibernation cycle but Kai figured some swarms would still be active until the first frost. The bees in the hive had been fumigated with smoke but it didn’t hurt them. It actually drove them into a feeding frenzy. While preoccupied with eating, in preparation to flee from the approaching fire, they were mellower, less protective of their hives, and easier for the researchers to capture and study.

The older man was bent over an examining table where he had a few bees pinned down. Not wanting to startle the man while he was obviously deep in thought, Kai softly stepped up behind him and cleared his throat.

The man straightened and twisted to face him and Kai startled, a little surprised. The older man appeared to be in his mid-fifties, his dark hair streaked with gray along the sides. He had the deep tan of someone that spent a lot of time outside, his face lined and lived-in, and was Kai’s height and relative build. But none of those things were what was making Kai blink and take a step back. Kai had never met anyone with eyes anywhere near his shade. Most blue eyes that he’d seen were either a pale, sky blue, or fell in the blue-gray category. Kai’s were more blue-green and looked like an exotic, tropical ocean. The man meeting his gaze now, had eyes that almost exactly matched Kai’s.

Gathering himself, he glanced down at the man’s name embroidered on his lab coat; he’d just found the man he’d be working under, Mason Thomas. Extending his hand, he politely said, “Hello, sir, I’m Kai Harper, we spoke on the phone.”

Kai swore the man paled, his jaw dropping open before quickly snapping shut. It took him a solid ten seconds to finally take Kai’s extended hand and Kai couldn’t help but think that he made the man almost…apprehensive. He wasn’t sure why that would be. This man used to work with his parents; maybe he was just seeing a blast from his past, as Kai did look a lot like his mother.

Kai smiled as they shook hands, and finally coming out of his daze, his new boss gave him a stiff smile. “Right…Kai. We’re, um, glad you could join us here.”

Kai smiled exuberantly. “I’m grateful for the offer, this is an amazing place you have here, sir.”

As they separated, the older man straightened, his eyes drifting over Kai’s body, before snapping back to his face. Kai couldn’t be sure, but he thought that the man still seemed a little pale. “Thank you, please, call me Mason. Aside from the outfits, we’re not formal here.”

Kai nodded and laughed, slightly tugging his polo. “Yeah, this is a little different than I’m used to.”

Mason smiled, indicating behind him. “We’re so close to the State park, we sometimes get tourists or hikers up here.” He shrugged. “I found it was easier for everyone, if we looked more official.” He leaned into Kai conspiratorially. “Keeps the civilians at bay.”

Kai laughed again and Mason stared at him oddly again before swallowing and looking back to his bees. Kai shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he was doing something wrong. “What can I assist you with, sir?” The man shifted to look back to him and Kai quickly amended that with, “Mason.”

The older man looked at him strangely again, slowly shook his head, and with what was clearly a forced smile, pointed to the honeycomb wedge enclosed in glass on the tray beside him. “I’m done with this batch. You could return them and bring me another.” He pointed to another set of sealed double doors at the back of the room. “Those lead outside. The apiary is straight out back, a few hundred feet from the farthest building.”

Kai smiled and grabbed the tray, happy for something to do to help his new boss. “Yes, sir…Mason.”

He walked away from the man bent over his bees, but Kai could feel the heat of his eyes following him. Kai wasn’t sure what about himself was causing the strange reaction in the man, but Kai hoped it had more to do with him being a new addition to an already developed team, and not something about him personally. But Kai was sure he’d eventually blend in here; he was pretty good with people.

As the second set of double doors hissed open, Kai hoped he could impress his boss with his first task. He’d never wrangled bees before. Containing a small frown, Kai hoped he didn’t get stung…too much.

*************

Mason Thomas watched his…son leave the lab. He straightened and ran a hand through his hair and then down his face. He hadn’t believed Kai’s mother at first, when she’d broken the news to him earlier this year. He’d refused to believe it. But staring at the boy, the resemblance was unmistakable. Not in the coloring, that was all his mother – deep brown skin, dark hair – but the eyes, he’d only seen that shade in the mirror before. It was startling to see it on another human being.

Kai had seemed equally taken aback by seeing him, but Mason knew that he didn’t know the truth yet. He’d had several conversations with Kai’s mother on the matter. Mason hadn’t wanted to be the one to tell him. Surely that was something she could do, since she was already so bonded with the boy. Or maybe Nathan, the man who’d raised him as a son, could tell him. Mason wasn’t sure why this responsibly was falling to him, now, so long after the fact, but Leilani had insisted that it had to be him.

The man Kai assumed was his father had also called Mason, insisting that he finally stepped up and acted like a man. Those words had deeply stung Mason. He and Nathan had been close once, nearly family, but Mason had been young and foolish, and had let lust and passion overcome his sensibilities. Truly, that whole situation had been so unlike him. He was usually so much more practical about things, but Leilani had taken his breath away. Mason had just had no defense against her exotic beauty, her passionate nature. They’d fallen in love, seduced each other, and carried on a secret affair, all right under the nose of her husband.

When she’d gotten pregnant, Mason had been sure the child was his. She’d insisted the child was not, and had broken things off with him. Crushed, he’d fled the State, coming up here to Denver, to start again. Leilani had let him believe for over twenty-three years that the child she’d born hadn’t been his. Even when her marriage had dissolved, she still hadn’t broken the news to Mason.

Sitting back on the edge of the table, Mason watched his hand start to shake. He had no idea what to do now. He’d never married, never had children. His life had been dedicated to his work. He didn’t have time for a fully grown child to land on his doorstep. Running his trembling hand over his mouth several times, Mason thought back to that initial contact, months ago, when Leilani had finally told him Kai’s true paternity.

Mason had been at home, winding down the evening with a glass of wine on his deck when the phone had rang. Walking back to the house, he’d frowned at seeing the strange, long distance number…

“Hello?”

“Mason?” The feminine voice reaching his ear was unmistakable.

“Leilani? It’s been ages…” His voice trailed off as an old ache started to surface.

The feminine voice tittered. “Yes, yes it has, hasn’t it?””

Setting his glass down, he swallowed heavily. “Why are you…not that I don’t like hearing from you, but…?”

She swallowed nervously. “Well…I need you to do something for me.”

Mason tensed. Leilani never asked him to do anything. She’d never asked him to stay, never asked him to take her away from her husband, never seemed to think much of him at all. “What?” he asked cautiously.

“It’s my son…Kai.” She paused as a ball of buried anger resurfaced in Mason’s chest. The son that had torn them apart, that had given her an irrefutable reason to never leave her husband.

“What?” he asked again.

She sighed, her voice suddenly sounding twenty years older. “I lied, Mason…he’s yours. He always was yours.”

Mason furrowed his brow, not understanding. “What do you mean he’s mine?”

He heard Leilani exhale harshly into the phone. “You know exactly what I mean. He’s your biological child. You helped me conceive him. You are half of who he is. You are his father.”

Mason sputtered and then laughed. “You expect me to believe that? After you swore up and down that he was Nathan’s? After I left, and you let me?”

Her voice was heated when she responded. “Yes, you left! You overreacted to a moment of weakness on my part and you bolted! I did what I could with what I was left with! How was I supposed to know whose he was? I panicked, and you didn’t stick around to find out! Don’t blame me because you ran away!”

He blinked, surprised at her sudden outburst. Apparently, she had some long buried aches too. “Why are you telling me this? Now?”

“Because he’s looking for a job…and he wants to go somewhere new. Nathan and I thought he could join your team.”

Mason blinked and sat down, surprised yet again. “You called me, to tell me I had a son, so that I could give him a job?”

Leilani sighed again. “No…we want you to tell him who you are to him.”

Mason stood up, his hand running through his hair. “What? He doesn’t know?”

Leilani sniffled, like she was holding back tears. “No, I don’t really want to tell him either, but Nathan is threatening to tell if I don’t…or you don’t.”

“Jesus, Leilani. Why are you springing this on me? I don’t need this right now! I don’t even know this kid. I’ve never even met him!”

“He’s a good boy…he’ll be a great addition to your team…”

“This isn’t about giving him a job, Leilani.” Mason sat down again, heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders suddenly. “The job is his…but I can’t tell him, that’s not something that should come from me.”

Leilani started to cry softly and Mason was startled at the emotion that pulled out of him. Suddenly, he could easily picture the beautiful, exotic woman that he’d spent countless hours wrapped around. “Please, Mason…he’ll hate me if I tell him. I can’t have him hating me. He’s all I have…”

Mason sighed, once again moved to irrationality by this woman. Was there anything he wouldn’t do for her, even now? “Don’t cry, Leilani.” He sighed again, suddenly exhausted. “Fine, I’ll tell him. Somehow, I’ll tell him…if that’s what you really want.”

Her tone immediately brightened. “Oh, please, Mason. I know I’m putting a lot on you, and I know you don’t deserve this, but it has to come from you. If I tell him, it will destroy what we have.”

“But if I do…it doesn’t matter, because we don’t have anything. Because you never let me have anything. You took his entire childhood away from me, Leilani.” Mason sighed heavily, loneliness sweeping over him. “How could you do that to me?”

Leilani sobbed again. Quietly, she answered with, “I’m sorry. I was young and foolish. I thought you were better off, being left in the dark. I didn’t want to confuse you…or Kai.”

“Maybe you should just let him keep believing that Nathan is his father. Does it matter now?” Mason ran a hand through his hair, resting his elbow on the table. He felt like the table would barely hold his mammoth weight anymore.

Leilani sighed. “I agree with you, but Nathan doesn’t. He’s done with the lies. He feels it’s time.” Her tone turned a little sour. “Personally, I think he’s hoping Kai will turn against me. We’re very close…” Her voice cracked and she sobbed again.

“Leilani,” Mason breathed, his own emotion bubbling up. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” Mason blinked, surprised that he’d called her that, after all this time. She seemed startled as well, and her crying dried up, eventually stopping. Mason cleared the buildup in his throat. “It’s late, I should go, Leilani.” He needed to process this conversation, and get away from what her mere voice immediately brought back in him.

She sighed. “Okay, Mason. Thank you,” she whispered.

He swallowed that lump again. “Yeah,” was all he could get out.

Just as he was about to say goodbye, she quietly spoke. “I never stopped loving you, Mason.”

He closed his eyes. “Me either, Leilani.” Then he hung up the phone before she could respond.

Blinking back to the present, Mason turned back to his table of pinned-in-place bees. He suddenly felt exactly like those bees, trapped into a position he didn’t want to be. Leilani had effectively twisted him into a spot that neither he nor Kai could get out of now. He was sure that Kai would never see what was coming, Mason certainly hadn’t.

Closing his eyes, he blocked out the sight of those trapped insects. Mason hoped that he and Kai survived this more intact than the dying insects that he was studying.

Chapter   7

Falling Fast

Jessie rubbed a sore spot in her back while she opened the door to her place. She’d had a long day and had been dreaming about a bubble bath for the last twenty minutes. The irony of Jessie’s muscles being sore wasn’t lost on her; Jessie was a masseuse. She preferred to think of it as physical therapy, and even worked in an esthetician’s office instead of a spa, but what her job boiled down to was a masseuse. That was okay with her, for now. She was thinking about expanding her talents into acupuncture or concentrating her focus on sports therapy. Truly, she was still wide open on the course she wanted to steer her life down.

Setting her purse down on the kitchen table, Jessie noticed some of the things she’d thought to bring Kai yesterday. She smiled to herself, tucking her curls behind her ear as she wondered how his first day on his new job had gone. She still wasn’t entirely sure what he did, but he’d seemed excited to do it.

Forgetting the ache in her back and all thoughts of a relaxing soak, she headed to the laundry room to grab a large box that the girls had been using as a “dump” area for laundry left behind in the dryer.

Walking into the living room with it, Jessie squinted an eye and tilted her head, trying to picture her things through Kai’s eyes, trying to picture what he might like to see in his home, small as it may be. Picking out the most masculine things she owned, Jessie began filling the box. First, she found the musky pillar candles in her closet. Then she went through some of her picture frames and tucked those in the box, removing her photos first, especially the one from when she was twelve with frizzy hair and awful braces. Finding a couple of black throw pillows behind the couch, victims of April’s last temper tantrum, she stuffed those in. In the bathroom, she picked up a couple of decent towels, knowing that he was probably using bare scraps that did little to actual contain moisture. On a whim, she included a six inch figurine of a camel that her dad had bought for her once. The thing was atrocious and gaudy, but it always made her smile for some reason. She loved the thought of it making Kai smile.

Just as she was tucking a few more things into the box and closing the top, she heard her door open. April’s trill greeted her as her roommate walked into the room, chatting on her cell phone. Jessie could tell by the timbre of her friend’s voice that she was talking to a boy.  As Jessie took a last sweep of her home, mentally searching all of her rooms for anything she may have missed, April sank onto the couch, plopping her feet up on the coffee table. Noticing some old magazine under that table, Jessie squatted down and grabbed a couple, thinking Kai might like something to read while he stayed up late at night, still adjusting to the time zone.

Reopening the box to smash some gossip magazines inside, she heard April sigh and snap shut her phone. “What ‘cha doing?” She tilted her head, her straight, black hair shifting over her shoulder.

Jessie smiled, thinking about showing up on Kai’s door with a box full of goodies. She didn’t know if he’d be home yet, but she could always just leave it in front of his apartment if he wasn’t. She contained a frown, hoping that he wouldn’t think it was weird that she was giving him a box of what, she supposed, he could consider crap. Guys weren’t really as in to dressing up a place as girls. And she didn’t have anything garish for his bachelor pad – no beer signs or nudey magazines – although, Kai didn’t strike her as the type that was really into either of those things.

Widening her smile, she answered April. “I’m just going through some of my extra stuff. My cousin just got into town, so I thought I’d share the wealth.” She laughed on the end of that, once again hoping that Kai saw the value in the trinkets she was offering him.

April set her feet on the floor and leaned forward over her knees. “Oh, cousin? Are we taking her out this weekend?” She wriggled her hips on the couch in a move that Jessie was sure meant dancing.

Jessie smirked at her eager-for-an-adventure friend. “He. My cousin in town is a guy.” A very attractive guy that Jessie knew all too well, in some ways at least. She bit the inside of her cheeks to hold back another frown. She really shouldn’t think about that anymore.

Successfully hiding her thoughts from April, the adorable Asian lit up, truly excited now. “Ooh, a guy…is he hot?” She raised her eyebrows alluringly.

Jessie sighed, thinking that he gave new meaning to the word. To April, she shrugged. “He’s family…I don’t know.”

April frowned and stood up, flattening the loose cardigan she had on over a long, modest skirt. April worked as a receptionist in a medical office. Her daily appearance was surprisingly reserved, considering her personality. Her parents highly approved of work-April. “Well, only one way to know, I’m coming with you.” She pointed to the box.

Jessie bit her lip. She really didn’t want to introduce Kai to April right now. For one, she wasn’t really sure if April would remember him or not. Secondly, April was attractive and provocative, two things that usually got guys’ attention. And once she saw Kai…she’d go straight for him, especially since Jessie had just written him off as nothing more than family. Jessie knew she couldn’t hold up his love life, especially since they were nothing more than family, but, she didn’t want to speed it along either.

“Um, actually, he’s not home from work yet. I’m just dropping and dashing.” She shrugged her shoulders and jerked at the box with her thumb. She really wasn’t sure if he’d be back or not, but she wasn’t about to let April know that. A little surprised at the multiple lies she’d already told her close friend, Jessie felt the guilt wash through her.

April didn’t notice that either though. She shrugged and started walking towards the hallway, most likely to strip off those moderate clothes and put on something much more formfitting. “Alright, but I want to meet this could-be hottie soon.” Twisting her head back at Jessie, she smiled brilliantly. “Invite him up this weekend…for dinner.” Her grin turned mischievous, and Jessie could clearly see what she really meant by dinner.

Jessie frowned when her friend disappeared back into her room. Keeping April away from Kai may not be easy, or even possible. She sighed. It also didn’t matter. She couldn’t have anything with Kai. Best to let him move on quickly and she supposed that a friend would be better than some random stranger. At least if he was with April, she’d have an excuse to see him, even more than she did now.

She twisted to pick up the box, sort of hating that thought. Hating both the queasiness in her stomach that she was still attracted to the man that shared her last name, and the horrid ball of tension that built up over the thought of him being with April in her room, helping her remove all of that modest clothing.

With those troubling, conflicting emotions in her head, she shoved the box in her truck and drove right to his apartment. Her mind busy spinning, twenty minutes later she was at his place, staring at his bike in the underground parking garage. With his visored helmet slung causally over one of the handlebars, it was clear that he was home. It made Jessie smile that he was and forgetting her queasy thoughts, a small surge of butterflies flitted through her. She’d get to see him and, wrong as it was, for right now, he was only hers.

Grabbing the almost awkwardly large box, she shuffled over to his elevator, pressing the third floor button. Jessie leaned back against the wall as the cage started to rise. The lifting movement mixed with her butterflies, making her extra anxious and she swallowed three times to calm herself. Really, she’d seen him every day since the club. She should be used to the anticipation by now.

The doors dinged open and she shuffled over to his apartment. Once again, her arms too full to knock, she kicked a greeting with her toe. She heard a muffled, irritated reply, followed by what sounded like low curses. Worrying her lip, she started thinking that she probably shouldn’t have bugged him again. He was going to think his cousin was stalking him. Thinking of setting down the box and leaving, she twisted just as the door swung open. Jessie’s eyes locked with Kai’s and she halted her movement, and her breath. She just couldn’t get used to the absorbing color of those eyes. She couldn’t look away either.

He blinked and tilted his head. “Jessie?”

He sounded a little peeved and Jessie was sure he wasn’t happy to see her…again. Shaking her head to jolt herself out of the mini-trance of his eyes, she sputtered, “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re busy. I can come back later.” She felt herself flushing and suddenly wished she could hide the massive box she was holding behind her back. Guys didn’t care about this kind of stuff. He was going to think she was an idiot.

His face softened, like he just now realized that he seemed grumpy. He shook his head, his hand coming out to grab her arm. With pleading eyes, he said, “No, I’m glad you’re here.” His entire face scrunching into an adorable look of helplessness, he nearly whimpered, “Please help me.”

Confused, Jessie twisted back to him and cocked her head. It was only then that she noticed he was half-naked again. Dressed only in jeans, his free hand was scratching his bare chest, just below the black ink of his tattoo swirling over his collar bone. Her eyes widened fractionally at the sight of him, and Jessie thought she shouldn’t come in for an entirely different reason. But…he was family, and he’d asked for help. Nodding, she followed him into his studio.

He took the box from her when he finally noticed her carrying it. Looking around the side of it as he walked it into his living room/bedroom, he gave her a bewildered face. She smiled at seeing it. “What’s this?” He lifted the box a little, indicating it. Jessie’s eyes strayed to his flexed biceps when he did.

Clearing her throat, she helped him set it on the floor in front of his bed. The bed. “Um, just some extra crap I had lying around.” She looked around at his bare walls, already envisioning where he could put everything. “Just something to make your home a little…homier.”

When she brought her eyes back to his, he was staring at her, a little stunned. Finding his voice, he blinked and shook his head. “You didn’t have to… You’ve already done too much… I can’t…” He bit his lip, still scratching his body, and Jessie smiled at his overwhelmed face. Finally, he shrugged. “Thank you, Jessie,” he whispered.

She felt flushed and heated, warmed in places that her cousin shouldn’t warm her. Looking away, she muttered, “Well, don’t get too excited. It’s just some candles, art, knickknacks…nothing to write home about.” She glanced at him but he was smiling softly at her. He was also still standing in front of her partially nude. It was distracting, hitched her breath.

Trying for casualness, she touched his chest with her fingertips. His skin was cool…and inviting. “For someone who’s always cold here, you sure are shirtless a lot.” She laughed on the end, but it came out in a nervous titter, so she stopped herself.

Instead of laughing, he sighed and sat down on his bed, heavily. “Stupid bees,” she thought she heard him mutter.

Sitting down next to him, the huge box at their feet, she ran a hand back through her hair, mainly to stop her fingers from trailing down his chest. “What?” she asked, still distracted by the shape of him.

He glanced back at her and his expression froze, like something she was doing was equally distracting to him. They stared at each other in silence for a second, and Jessie swore that if she leaned in to kiss him, he’d lean in too. She let the fantasy fill her for the briefest moment, and then the accompanying horror came right behind it. They couldn’t. They shouldn’t.

Kai blinked, seeming to come out of it too. “Uh,” he looked down, away from her. Frowning, he scratched his shoulder blade. “I got stung today…stupid bees.”

He seemed so sullen about the whole thing that Jessie couldn’t help but laugh at him. He glanced back at her, his eyes not as amused as hers were. Smoothing her face, she stopped her giggle. Kai smiled at her restraint, then reached behind her. The move brought his bare chest in contact with her arm. He was colder than she was and a shiver went through her entire body; she was pretty sure that his skin’s temperature had nothing to do with her shiver either. She twisted her head to look down at him, her eyes half-closing, her breath increasing. They shouldn’t. They couldn’t.

Finding whatever he was looking for on his messy bed, he started to straighten back up. When he noticed her face, he paused. He stopped with his body still leaning against her arm, his head directly in front of hers. His tropical eyes flicked over her face, taking in the desire that she knew was in her eyes, apparent in her fast breath. Those eyes flicked down to her lips, his tongue coming out to briefly wet his bottom one. Grossness filled Jessie, but it was being squashed by her rising need for him to press those lips to hers. They couldn’t. They shouldn’t. But…if he did…she would too.

He leaned in and Jessie leaned forward. When she was certain it was happening, he flinched and pulled back, his hand rubbing a spot on his back. Jessie pulled away, taking long, deep breaths. No…they couldn’t.

As his face twisted in discomfort, he lifted a jar of what seemed to be a natural salve for stings, bites, and burns. His eyes looking helpless again, he only said, “Please?”

Jessie took the jar of ointment, grateful to have something to do other than fantasize about kissing him. As he twisted away from her, her eyes ran down the tattoo across his shoulder blade. It curled and spiraled delightfully and it took everything in her to not trace the lines. Focusing elsewhere, she finally noticed the angry red welts along his back. Several of them. Jessie laughed again as she unscrewed the cap. “What happened to you? You walk into a swarm of killer bees?”

He sighed and hung his head as she dabbed her fingers in the gel, rubbing a spot on his back with a nasty bump. He flinched then groaned in relief. “No…honey bees.”

Jessie laughed harder and he twisted his head to glare at her. Biting back her giggles again, she applied more cream to the spots that he hadn’t been able to reach. Kai smiled and shook his head. “My boss is studying why they’re dying, and I was helping him.” He shrugged. “Apparently, I suck at it, and the bees let me know…repeatedly.”

Jessie finished up with the angry areas that she could see, enjoying the feel of his skin under her fingers. “Oh,” she said quietly, watching the pleasing contrast in their skin tones. “Well, at least you’re not allergic.” She twisted her lip as she thought about that. She wasn’t allergic either. Was that a genetic thing? Sighing, she added, “Maybe you won’t have to do that again for awhile.”

He smiled as he looked back at her. “Next time, I think I won’t try and be so macho…and I’ll put on the damn suit.” He shook his head as his grin widened. “I didn’t realize just how much bees found me offensive. Now I sort of hope all the little bastards do die.”

Jessie giggled and then sighed again. She didn’t find him offensive at all. A good deal of the goop still on her fingers, she brought them to his shoulders and started to work out the kinks that she could feel there; he had had a long day. Kai groaned and hung his head, relaxing into her hands. Even though the professional side of her immediately kicked in, a small thrill shot through her at the satisfied noise he’d just made.

He did it again. “God, Jessie…you’re amazing. You should do this professionally.”

She paused, laughing a little. “I do, Kai.”

Grinning, he looked back at her. “Really?” She nodded and he smiled, closing his eyes and hanging his head again. “Well, good, you’re amazing at it.”

Her hands ran down his back, running along his spine and working outwards. “You should come by my work sometime. This would be so much better with some oil, and you lying down.” He raised his head at that and a different sort of massage immediately flew into Jessie’s mind. Her fingers trailing low on his back, she sucked on her lip, not wanting to engage in that fantasy, but not really being able to push it out either.

Kai slowly twisted to look at her. His eyes completely serious, he said, “I think I’d like that.”

She had no idea if he was talking about seeing her at work, or sharing in her fantasy. Since the image had popped into her head, she had to assume it popped into his as well. As his eyes flicked to her lips again, she was certain it had.  Jessie watched his face, watched the desire and conflict building. She knew hers matched his. She also knew this was wrong and stupid, and would lead nowhere good. Giving him one last squeeze, Jessie dropped her hands. “All done,” she said quietly.

He stared at her for a second, his eyes lingering down her body, igniting it. Drifting back up to her face, he smiled softly. “Thank you, Jessie.”

She flushed and nodded. Shucking off her shoes, she brought her legs up onto his bed and crossed her feet – anything to put some distance between them. Even with all their vows for space, they seemed to drift towards each other, almost subconsciously.

Kai inhaled deep and grabbed the jar, lathering some spots on his chest before closing it up. Jessie sighed softly, sort of wishing that she could have helped him with the front too. It would have been a little too obvious though, since he could handle that part himself.

As he screwed the lid on tight and slipped his shirt back on, hiding all of that glorious skin from her, she sighed again. Needing to recover, she spouted the first thing in her head. “My roommates really want to meet you.”

He looked over at her after smoothing out his long-sleeved shirt. “Oh?”

She nodded, trying to stop herself from reliving the feeling of his skin under her hands. Rubbing the remaining gel on her jeans, she shrugged. “Yeah, they are very curious about my just-in-town cousin.” She didn’t mention just how curious April was, she didn’t want to think about that again.

He narrowed his eyes at her, and then turned his attention to the box at their feet. “Were they the ones checking me out at the club?”

Jessie tensed. She’d forgotten that he’d seen that. Of course, a lot of that night was a little hazy, and, unfortunately, a lot of that night was perfectly clear. She glanced at their reflection in the TV and swallowed. She could see him look up at her in the set and then twist to look at their reflection too. By the pained look in his eye, she knew that he was remembering too.

Clearing her throat, she turned away. “Yeah, um, I don’t think they remember much about you though.” Jessie grinned and tossed him a smile. “April thought you were blonde. Harmony thinks you’re Latin.”

He laughed and shook his head, twisting back to the box to open it. Jessie bit her lip as she watched him smile and pick things out of the box. Almost absently, he said, “Well, if they won’t remember that it was me that night…I don’t see why we can’t all meet.”

Jessie swallowed, affected by the awed look on his face, as he picked out and examined the things that she’d brought over for him, and by his comment. She hoped her roommates didn’t piece together that mystery. She didn’t want them to ever know that she’d slept with a family member. Thinking of it that way brought that horrid ball back to her stomach and she scooted away from him a little bit. Sometimes it felt right with him, sometimes it felt really wrong.

She watched him chuckle as he pulled the camel out of the box and set it on his nightstand. Jessie softly smiled that he seemed as amused by it as she was. Digging through the box, he picked out various items and set them around himself, occasionally shaking his head, and smiling the entire time. Jessie tried really hard to not notice how amazing his lips looked curved up in a small grin. She also tried to not notice how nice his back looked, stretching and flexing as he moved and twisted. She tried, it was difficult. He was just very attractive.

He pulled out a picture and paused, staring at it. His smile dropped as he looked the piece over, and Jessie shifted her attention to look at it too. It was a picture of a red-rocked river bend that Jessie had bought from a local nature photographer. The photo had been taken so closely, and captured so expertly, that the water streaming past the crimson rocks appeared to stream around them. Even though it was a still shot, the water seemed to be moving, seemed alive. It was breathtaking piece, probably Jessie’s favorite.

Kai’s finger drifted over the glass in the large frame, barely touching it. After another silent moment, he looked up at her. Shaking his head, he softly said, “This is great. Are you sure you want to get rid of it?”

Jessie smiled at the overwhelmed look on his face. Shrugging, she told him, “I want you to have it.”

He tilted his head and stared at her, seemingly taken aback that she’d willingly part with something so beautiful; she loved that he seemed to like it as much as she did. Watching him take her in, Jessie had the odd thought that the photographer should take a picture of Kai’s eyes. Truly, that would be his most amazing piece of work, because nothing on this earth could be as beautiful as those eyes.  She swallowed under his intense gaze.

Still looking dazed, he shook his head again. “Thank you, Jessie.”

His eyes searched her face and his hand lifted from the frame, starting to reach out for her. She was sure he was going to cup her cheek or run a hand through her hair. The anticipation of it made her heart start to beat faster. But then he dropped it, setting it on his knee instead. Jessie’s heart stubbornly dropped. Smiling and putting the picture back in the box, he motioned to the kitchen. “Hungry? I could make us some soup.”

Jessie smiled that he wanted something warm in his stomach and nodded. “Sure, sounds great.” Standing up, he grinned down at her before heading to the kitchen. She sighed as she watched his backside walk away from her. Seriously, she needed to shut off whatever part of her was still attracted to him. He was not an option. It’d be better for her if she went back to her two-timing ex-boyfriend.

She watched Kai prepare a couple of cans of soup, and smiling at him still grinning and shaking his head at her box of goodies, she went about putting away his new things. He glanced over at her when he noticed what she was doing, but didn’t say anything. She finished putting everything away in the spaces she had envisioned for them just as dinner was done. Smiling to herself at how much homier his place seemed, and at how perfectly suited to him it was, she twisted to see Kai approaching her with two bowls of soups and a plate of cheese sandwiches.

He motioned to the bed that she’d straightened for him, and, blushing slightly at the memory she still got whenever she looked at the darn thing, she sat and rested her back against his new headboard. He sat down next to her and handed her a bowl, placing the plate of sandwiches between them. She grabbed one and smiled crookedly. “We should really find you a small table.”

He grinned over at her as he grabbed a sandwich. “I like eating in bed.”

She grinned at the comment and shook her head, blushing again. He cleared his throat and they ate their meal in a comfortable silence. Eventually he turned on the TV, and they laughed as they watched a sitcom where the family’s problems seemed even more complex than their own.

After the light meal, Jessie snapped up Kai’s dishes and washed them for him, feeling like it was the least she could do, since he’d cooked, sort of. He protested at first, but the longer he lay in bed, the more tired he appeared to get. After thanking her, he settled back into his pillows and closed his eyes. Jessie peeked at him while she cleaned up, wondering if he was falling asleep.

Once everything was washed and put away, she walked back over to him and started taking off his shoes. He cracked his eyes open and grinned at her. “You’re too good to me,” he whispered.

She smiled as she took off his other one. “No, I’m just anal. You shouldn’t have shoes on the bed.” He laughed at her and sat up a little. Ignoring the memory of wearing heels in his bed while they’d…done stuff, Jessie sat next to him again.

Kai looked over at her and then sighed tiredly and rested his head on her shoulder. Feeling like he was suffering from exhaustion, Jessie scooted down from the headboard and rested against his pillows, bringing his head with her. He twisted slightly, leaning against her more, and she brought her arm around him, so he was nestled in the hollow of her shoulder.

Sighing contently, he closed his eyes. His hand coming up to tentatively rest on her stomach, he whispered, “Is this okay?”

She nodded and pressed her lips into his hair, closing her eyes as well. “Yeah.” Jessie wasn’t sure if it was okay or not, technically, but it felt so warm and safe, she didn’t care.

He sighed again. “Good, you feel nice.”

He nearly murmured the words, and Jessie pulled back to look at his drawn face. Running her fingers through his hair, she asked, “Are you alright?”

He exhaled wearily and opened his eyes to look up at her. “I don’t know if it’s because of all the stings or because I got up so early today, but I feel wiped, and a little sick.” He frowned, obviously not wanting to be ill.

Jessie frowned too, concern filling her. “Well, you could be suffering from a little altitude sickness? You are used to living much closer to sea level. I’m sure you’ll feel better in a couple of days.”

He nodded and closed his eyes again. She squeezed him gently and listened to his even breath.  When she was sure he was out, he whispered, “Thank you, Jessie, for everything.” His voice came out thick with sleepiness.

She smiled and rested her cheek on his head. “It’s not a problem, Kai. We’re family, that’s what family does.” She frowned a little, wondering if maybe this wasn’t appropriate, if maybe she should leave.

Kai’s hand on her stomach shifted, to drift over to her hip. He gently squeezed, holding her to him, almost like he knew that she was considering leaving. She heard him mumble thank you again and she smiled, pressing her lips to his hair again. Closing her eyes, Jessie lightly shook her head. Hadn’t she earlier vowed to keep some space between them? As he was cuddled tightly into her side, it was pretty evident that neither one could maintain that distance for long. Jessie wasn’t sure what that meant for their future.

Eventually, his grip on her loosened and his breathing slowed considerably. Pulling back, she looked down on him. “Kai?” She pulled back farther when he didn’t respond. “Kai, are you asleep?”

Jessie watched his face, waiting for him to answer her. He didn’t. Carefully sliding her arm out from under him, she settled him on his pillows and adjusted the covers of the bed around him, so he wouldn’t get chilly as he slept. After tucking a stray foot under the blankets, she propped up on her elbow beside him, looking down on him. His face was relaxed, his full lips open slightly as he took long, low breaths.

Even asleep, she could see the exhaustion in his face, the circles under his eyes. He’d adjusted to a lot of changes coming here and it was wearing him down. She furrowed her brow, hoping that she wasn’t one of the troubling things he was acclimating to. Well, at least the physical changes would get easier on him; his body was just going to punish him for it first. She smiled, thinking over his multiple stings. Poor thing. Not the greatest experience to have on your first day.

Her heart swelling as she looked down on him, she slowly leaned over and placed her lips to his forehead. He exhaled, muttering something that almost sounded like her name. Jessie froze and then pulled back, peering down at him intently. His eyes were still closed though, his face still peaceful in slumber.

Smiling, she ran the back of her finger down his cheek. “Goodnight, Kai,” she whispered.

His lips twitched, almost like he was smiling in a dream. She wondered if he was thinking about her, then hated herself that she wanted him to be thinking of her. He shouldn’t be as tortured as she was. Well, she shouldn’t want him to be as tortured as she was, at any rate. What he felt for her, besides gratitude and maybe a residual attraction, Jessie wasn’t sure. But she was getting surer and surer about what she felt for him with every second that they spent together. It terrified her.

Leaning down close to his face, she whispered with a shaky voice, “I think I’m falling for you.”

Her heart hammering, she lightly pressed her lips to his partially open ones. She pulled them away almost instantly, but not before she felt him respond, his lips moving softly against hers. But she must have been imagining that. He was asleep. He probably wouldn’t kiss her back, not with how tired he’d been.

Putting her fingers to her suddenly hot lips, she swallowed the lump in her throat. Plus, he shouldn’t kiss her back, just like she shouldn’t kiss him at all. Cursing the feelings that she couldn’t seem to shut off, she stood and grabbed her things. Then, shutting off his lights before she closed his door, she left him alone in his slumber.

Chapter   8

Someone to Love

Kai woke up the next morning from a disturbingly pleasant dream. Pleasant, because he’d been dreaming about Jessie. Disturbing, because he’d been dreaming about doing inappropriate things with her. In his dream, she had leaned over, whispered that she was falling for him, and kissed him tenderly. As he lay awake in his bed, his eyes straining to make out any coherent shape in his gray-with-darkness room, he still felt the thrill in his stomach that those words had given him.

He closed his eyes, running a hand down his face. What he wouldn’t give to hear her actually say those words to him. But then, that was a really wrong and horrid thing for him to want her to feel. She shouldn’t be dragged down into his confusion. It was best for her, if she found a way past the attraction that he could sometimes feel from her, and truly look at him as only family.

He was struggling with that.

He’d been isolated from his extended family for so long, that really, the only people that actually felt like family to him were his parents and his grandmother. Everyone else, all of the cousins, uncles and aunts, were nothing more to him than a long list of names on the family letter that Gran put together every year. But DNA didn’t lie, and he and Jessie couldn’t share that kind of a future.

Sighing, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. Grabbing his cell phone off of the nightstand beside his bed, he glanced at the time. His exhausted body had given into sleep much too soon, and now he’d woken up well before work. He’d probably be exhausted by the end of the night again. Oh, well. At least his body was shifting in the right direction. Kai was sure that, given another couple days, a week at the most, he’d by right in line with the people here.

Yawning, he noticed that he’d also missed a call from his mom. She’d probably called to see how his first day went. Well, it was too early in the morning in Hawaii to call her back. He’d just have to call her after work. Rubbing the sore but healing spots on his back, he didn’t have very many positive things to tell her about his first day anyway. The strange Louis, with an ‘s’, the horny Missy, who had mentally undressed him at every opportunity, and his oddly distant new boss.

Kai frowned as he stood up, thinking about Mason Thomas. For someone who was connected with his parents in some way, the man had sure been strange to him. As Kai had gone about his day, helping him with various projects, learning the ropes, the man had alternated between curious, reluctant, kind, and standoffish. Kai tried not to take it personally. It couldn’t be him. Aside from silently suffering from multiple bee attacks, Kai hadn’t done anything wrong or inappropriate. He’d tried to be as friendly and helpful as he could, without seeming like an overeager suck-up. He thought he’d pulled it off, but his boss had still seemed uneasy around him. Maybe it was Kai’s parents that bothered the man? Maybe there had been a falling out that Kai didn’t know about?

Sighing as he shuffled to the bathroom, Kai shook his head. Surely his dad would have told him something as important as that before sending him out to work for the man. Maybe Mason was just trying to not show favoritism to the rest of the team. Maybe he just didn’t want to appear that he was doing Kai any special favors. Kai shook his head as he turned the shower water on, twisting it to super hot. Mason was definitely not treating him with any special favors. Kai hoped today would be smoother.

He also hoped the hot water didn’t aggravate his tender sting spots. Quickly undressing, he gritted his teeth and stepped into the stream. He flinched slightly at the odd sensation of hot water entering the slight pricks in his skin, and then sighed as the water relaxed him. The steamy water was nearly as soothing as Jessie’s miraculous fingers. Smiling wider, he remembered her hands over his skin. Running a bar of soap over his body, he closed his eyes, imaging the feel of her soft fingers trailing over him. It had felt amazing…wrong, but amazing. And he swore, for a moment there…it had been more than just a massage. He swore that for a second there, a single thought had entered both of their minds. A thought involving bare bodies, tangled limbs, slippery oils…and a spacious bed.

As his mind took over and his fantasies took flight, Kai started pretending that his hands were hers. The act of cleansing himself nearly forgotten, he started tracing lines and curves in his muscles. His body instantly started reacting; warmth, blood, and a growing ache surging to his groin. He bit his lip, knowing he should stop this, knowing he shouldn’t think about her that way. Putting the soap away, he rested his head against the shower wall. He’d let himself get carried away, and his body was now completely hard, completely ready for a woman who wasn’t even around. A woman he couldn’t ever have again. He sighed again, sadly.

Ignoring the ache, he washed his hair. He kept his hands nowhere near his waist and forcibly shifted his train of thought. He tried shifting to the marvelously thoughtful objects she’d brought over for his place. The stupid, but charming, camel, the really nice waterfall photo that painfully stoked memories of home, a few nice smelling candles, to help mask the scent of “bachelor,” and that one amazing picture of a red-rocked river.

The river picture had sort of surprised him. Kai had a special connection to water, and the photo, that so perfectly captured the movement and aliveness of a rushing stream, blew his mind a little. By the warm glow in Jessie’s eyes, he’d known that the picture meant something to her, and she’d given it to him anyway.

After he’d accepted the overly gracious gifts with as much humility as he could, she’d gone and put them away for him, decorating his home so effortlessly, that it seemed the place had always looked that way. She was so good to him. In two days, she’d seen everything that he’d been missing, and without asking, stepped in and took care of it for him. He was blown away by her.

His mind shifting to her warm heart did nothing to drain away the need surging through his body. By the time he was rinsing all of the bubbles off, his situation below hadn’t improved any. Sighing again, he looked down at himself. Shaking his head, he muttered, “You’re not helping anything, you know. We can’t have her.”

Smiling that he was actually having a conversation with his throbbing manhood, he smirked…and considered. He was alone. He could satisfy the ache that was only growing with the mere thought of it. He could close his eyes and let himself believe it was her, let himself believe they were nothing more than strangers, that he could have her, over and over again.

His hand came out, his fingers barely brushing over the stiff shaft. His body twitched at the contact and his breath increased. He could let himself do this. He could satisfy his own needs, moaning her name over and over until he came. It would be clean, neat, efficient, and no one would have to know that he was pleasuring himself to the image of his cousin.

The fingers circling around himself stopped and cursing internally, he shut off the shower. No, he couldn’t. While it’s true, no one would know but him…he would still know, and he’d feel slightly even more ill every time he looked at her. Besides, knowing himself, he’d start doing it every morning. Then every evening. Then he’d be doing it all the time…and he wasn’t sixteen anymore.

Finished getting ready, Kai decided to surprise his grandmother with a decent breakfast since he had the time. A part of him wished he could surprise Jessie with a nice breakfast too, but he couldn’t really show up at her house unannounced yet. Not with her having roommates. Especially roommates that had been checking him out on that night. They may have been a little tipsy, but they had probably watched the two of them making out on the dance floor.

As Kai hopped on his Honda, a surge of disgust and desire cropped up. Jessie sure had been hot that night. Aggressive, passionate and lustful. As he kick-started the bike, he wondered if that’s what being in a relationship with her would be like? She was definitely drunk while they’d been together, but that intensity had to be there, buried under the surface. Revving his engine, the warmth of the machine warming his thighs, Kai let himself wonder if he could stoke that desire in her, completely sober. His body starting to respond to that thought, and he cursed again. Squealing out of the garage, he let the feeling of flying down the pavement clear his mind.

He seriously had to stop that.

As he headed to an open bakery that he’d spotted on the way home yesterday, he shifted his mind back to Jessie’s roommates. He really hadn’t paid too much attention to them at the club - Jessie had absorbed all of his focus - but he recalled there being two of them. One with dark hair, one with red hair…if he was remembering it correctly. He knew they were protective of Jessie, since they’d speedily swept her out of his room almost immediately after…

But Jessie swore they didn’t know that she’d gone home with him. If they truly didn’t remember him, remember everything he’d done with his cousin, then meeting them should be okay. Jessie seemed reluctant about it. She hadn’t said it, but he got the feeling that she’d prefer it if he never met her roommates. Maybe she was just nervous, worried that they’d piece too much together. Or maybe she was embarrassed to be seen with him.

He laughed in his helmet, shaking his head as he pulled into the parking lot of the bright and cheery shop. No, he may affect her in strange ways, but he was pretty sure he didn’t embarrass Jessie. He frowned. Well, what they’d done probably embarrassed her. He’d give her that. It embarrassed him too. No one ever mentions that maybe you should be careful who you sleep with, not just for pregnancy and STD reasons. No one ever mentions that the world is microscopic, and that fate is one cruel bitch. No one ever mentions that the hot girl shoving her hand down your pants and her tongue down your throat, might be a family member.

Twenty minutes later Kai was walking into the hospital. He’d called yesterday at work and Gran was getting out sometime today. Her fractured hip would need lots of rest but she looked good, all tests showing that she was healing well, and they were letting her go back to her life. Knowing his gran, she’d be knee-deep in potting soil by the afternoon. Tough old broad.

The nurses smiled widely at him as he entered. Ever thankful of the wonderful care his gran was receiving, he’d bought a box of donuts for them, and they gave him swift hugs and told him she was awake if he wanted to surprise her. After a kiss on the cheek by a sprightly older woman named Susan, who eyed him oddly, almost like she was planning his future in her head, he ducked into his grandmother’s room.

She was propped up in her bed, reading glasses nearly falling off her nose as her gnarled hands clicked and clacked the knitting needles Kai had brought for her. Her aged hands flew over patterns they had obviously repeated so many times that she could probably maintain them in her sleep. The result of all of the miraculous, repetitious movement was a blanket, flowing down the side of her bed in a myriad of bright colors. Kai smiled as he watched the progression, a little amazed at how a seemingly chaotic series of events, could result in something so beautiful.

The older woman smiled when she noticed his entrance. “Kai, dear,” she said warmly. “I’m so glad you came by.”

He shook his head at his grandmother. She could be in a body cast, head to foot, pain in every limb and joint, and she’d still smile warmly and say she was glad to see him. Tough…yet sweet, old broad. “Good morning, Grandma.”

She patted the bed beside her as she set down her needlework and glasses. “You seem tired, sweetheart. How are you holding up?”

Kai frowned, thinking he actually looked better today after a decent amount of sleep last night; even the slight sickness that Jessie had thought was related to the different altitudes had lifted. Immediately switching his face to a smile, he leaned down and kissed the woman’s head before sitting beside her. “I’m great, Gran, don’t worry about me.” He set a muffin down on her side table. It was blueberry, with some sort of incredible-smelling crumble on the top of it. Grabbing her hand, he stroked her fingers with his thumb. “You just worry about you.”

She dismissed his comment with her free hand, at the same time smiling at what, he hoped, was a thoughtful meal choice. “Nonsense, nothing to worry about with me. But you…?” Her eyes gave him a penetrating, calculating examination, almost like she was looking for something specific in his expression. He tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face, not wanting her to see any of the turmoil in his heart lately. She slightly raised a gray eyebrow. “How are you doing…with everything?”

Kai smiled wider. “Like I said, great.” He leaned in for emphasis. “Jessie is taking great care of me,” he added. A flush heated his cheeks after he said it and he swallowed nervously, hoping his skin tone covered it. He shouldn’t react that way to only her name, but, there it was.

Gran tilted her head at that, but didn’t seem to catch his odd reaction. Instead she asked, “How was your first day at work? Do you…like it there?” She narrowed her eyes, seemingly intensely anxious about his answer.

He cocked an eyebrow and then shook his head, figuring that, just like his mom, she was merely hoping he adjusted well to everything, and was curious about how he was fitting in. Frowning as he remembered his boss’s odd reactions to him, Kai shrugged and said, “I think it went okay?” He again stopped his frown and threw on a smile. “I think I’ll like it there.”

His grandmother studied his face for a moment more and then sighed, a slight smile coming to her lips. Kai smiled wider as she seemed to finally believe that he was doing okay. Patting his thigh, she said, “Well, that’s good, dear. I wouldn’t want your new job to be…unpleasant for you.”

Kai absentmindedly scratched where a bee had stung his shoulder. “It’s not…”

As Kai started thinking back over his day, his grandmother brightened even more, sitting up a little. Kai caught the flinch in her face as a twinge of pain must have gone through her, but couldn’t comment on it, as her next question froze his tongue. “Did you meet my nurse, Susan? Lovely girl. I tried to set you up with one of her daughters.”

Kai’s eyes widened. The “girl” he’d met in the other room was named Susan. She’d made sure he’d known it, as she’d excitedly taken a maple bar from him. The woman had to be his mother’s age, at least, but to Gran, he supposed that was still young. Huh, he hadn’t even been here a week yet, and his grandmother was already trying to fix him up. This could be a problem, if he didn’t put a stop to it right away.

Finding his voice, he muttered, “I appreciate the thought, Gran, but I can find my own dates.” True, his last may have ended up being related to him, but at least he’d found her himself.

She gave him a look that clearly indicated that she did not believe he was capable of such a thing. “Well, no need to worry, she only had boys.” She laughed in short, bubbled bursts. “I tried to throw them Jessica Marie’s way, but she gave me the exact same look you just did.”

Kai forced a smile, but looked away. He really did not like the idea of Jessie going out with some random guy Gran set her up with. Then again, he didn’t particularly like the thought of her going out with anyone. He frowned slightly. She’d have to one day…and he’d have to come to terms with it.

Skin that felt paper thin reached up to touch his face. Turning his head, he caught his grandmother’s worried eyes. “You alright, honey?”

Sighing, he shook his head again. “Of course.” Biting his lip for what he was about to say, he told her, “I was just wishing that I could be home with you today, to take care of you once you leave here.” He hated lying, and while he actually did feel that way, his thoughts were nowhere near there when she’d asked. Whether or not the sentiment was true, it still felt like a lie, and he hated that. He frowned a little more.

Gran took his face as concern, and tried to forcefully turn his frown into a smile with her finger. “You just go on to work and have a good day.” Kai smirked at her gesture and she added, “If it makes you feel any better, Jessica Marie is going to be with me for most of the day. She works the later shift on Tuesdays.”

Kai’s frown deepened, as he realized that he wouldn’t be seeing his cousin tonight. Interesting that he’d already gotten used to seeing her on a daily basis. If he were honest with himself, he’d already been looking forward to an unexpected knock on his door this evening from her. His heart sunk a little that that wouldn’t happen. Idly, he considered her offer of showing up at her work…

Gran patted his thigh again. “Now, you don’t fret over me. Jessica Marie is a fabulous caregiver. I swear, sometimes that girl frets more over my happiness than her own.” She sighed. “At least she got smart and dumped that…boy she was seeing.”

Kai looked up from where he’d been studying the aged woman’s hand in his own. Her skin seemed so frail and fragile in contrast to his. It was almost startling how different their hands looked, one on top of the other.

His eyes going to her small frown, he bunched his brows together. “Jeremy?” Kai couldn’t quite keep the contempt out of his voice when he said that name. He wasn’t sure what all had happened between him and Jessie, but he knew that the man hadn’t been faithful to her. That made him a lowlife in Kai’s book. A very stupid lowlife. Jessie was amazing.

Gran nodded, seemingly happy that Kai knew a bit about Jessie’s past. Kai didn’t plan on ever mentioning just exactly how he’d found out about him either. “Yeah, that one was a piece of work. I never did trust the hoodlum.”

Kai smiled and nodded at his grandmother. Something about her not liking him made happy butterflies lift Kai’s belly. He looked down briefly as his brow bunched together. That’s sort of an odd feeling to have.

Confused, Kai shook his head and made a show of checking out the time on the wall. “Sorry, Gran, I should go.” He gave her apologetic eyes, but really, he sort of needed to leave, to get back on the road and clear his head. Today, he was really looking forward to the long, peaceful drive to work.

His grandmother nodded, pulling his body towards her so she could kiss his cheek. “Of course, dear.” She pulled back after their long hug, once again giving him an odd, appraising look. “Have a good day at work.”

Kai stood up, running his hands over his jacket, and gave her a breezy smile. “I will.” Pointing at her sternly, he added, “You take it easy when you get home. No tree climbing or anything.”

She laughed at him and he leaned in for another quick hug. “I’ll wait at least a week for that.”

Kai laughed and shook his head. “You better.” Pointing at the oversized muffin he’d brought for her, he said, “Make sure and eat that before the nurses steal it. I brought them donuts, but you never know.” He gave her a teasing wink and she promised that she would.

Kai walked into the hall, looking back at the door to see her smiling and shaking her head at him. Kai silently wished her well for the day, and twisting to leave the hospital, silently wished himself well. Hopefully he could get through the day without being stung…again.

**************

As Millie was finally snuggling on her couch back at home, she thought about her visit with Kai this morning. It was sure sweet of the boy to bring her a decent breakfast. Her stomach had been too queasy to eat it, but the thought was all that mattered. Even if he’d had the unfortunate fate of being that woman’s son, her own had raised him right. Kai was a thoughtful gentleman.

Millie sighed, hoping his real father didn’t do anything stupid and foolish to break the boy’s heart. By his reaction when she’d asked Kai about his first day, Millie knew that he still wasn’t aware of his paternity. She hoped it stayed that way; that path would do nothing but hurt her grandchild. And he was hers, regardless of bloodlines.

Millie was eager to protect that generous heart as much as she could. And as much as she knew the love of family would help him get through it, if he ever did learn the truth, she knew that the intimate nature of a romantic love would help him get though it even more. While she and Jessica could give him familial love and support, a woman could give him physical love and support, in a way that they couldn’t. If need be, he could take out his parental frustrations by lovemaking all day long.

Millie smiled at the thought. She may be an old woman, but she was no prude. Sometimes a good roll in the hay did wonders for the soul.

Her granddaughter walked into the room as she was still smiling at her own thoughts. Jessica Marie tilted her head at Millie and then proceeded to tuck the hand-knitted afghan Millie had made, even more around the old woman’s body. Even though Millie couldn’t have been cocooned any farther into it, and even though she’d have a heck of a time unwrapping herself in she ever needed to get up, she appreciated her granddaughter’s sentiment. Yet another son had raised their child right. It made Millie very proud.

“Happy to be home, Grams?” Jessica asked her politely.

She patted the young woman’s arm, hoping that Jessica found a good man to care for someday. Someone who deserved the nurturing love that the girl was so quick to give. “Yes, dear.” Sighing, she snuggled into her assortment of pillows. “I’m very happy to be home.” Smirking to herself, she added, “Although, I will miss Susan and her never-ending stories.”

Jessica Marie smiled at her as she straightened. She shook her head a little, seemingly amused that Millie had so quickly bonded with her caregivers. Millie contained a smile. If it was one thing Millie had learned at her age, it was that you didn’t waste the time you were given. Millie was quick to love and quick to laugh, because really, that could end at any time for her. For anyone, she supposed.

Smiling, Jessica said, “I’m going to go make you some lunch, Grams. Do you have any tomatoes in your greenhouse? I could make you a nice, juicy BLT?” She rubbed her stomach after she suggested it and Millie smiled, wondering if that was what Jessica had a hankering for.

“I believe there are still some in there. Thank you, Jessica.”

Jessica Marie smiled and asked if Millie needed anything else before she went outside. When Millie told her she was fine, she smiled wider and nearly skipped out of the room. Millie raised an eyebrow at her granddaughter. Maybe she’d already found a boy to look after? She certainly seemed like a woman in love. Although…Millie had seen slight frowns and a light misting of the eyes on her at times. Whatever her charming granddaughter had gotten herself involved in, it didn’t appear to be a completely easy situation. Millie smiled wider and closed her eyes. She knew from experience that the best relationships were never the easy ones.

She started to doze off, thinking about her own, at-times, passionate relationship with her husband. There were many years of love, laughter, and heartache for Millie to flip through, and she was just on the cusp of sleep when she heard a clink of a plate being set on the coffee table.

Her granddaughter gave her apologetic eyes as she glanced up at her. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I should wake you or not.”

Millie yawned and stretched out what parts of her body that she could still move in the burrito-like blankets wrapped around her. A small pain shot up her hip when she did. Trying to hide the flinch, she casually answered Jessica. “Oh, you didn’t, dear. I was only reminiscing.”

As Millie smiled warmly at the trip down memory lane she’d just taken, Jessica frowned. She’d apparently caught the slight flinch in the old woman’s face. “I’ll go get your pain pills.”

Jessica was up and out of the room before Millie could even protest. Sighing, she reached over and grabbed the plate with an absurdly large sandwich on it. Shaking her head, she wondered just how her granddaughter thought her small stomach was going to handle the mountain of food before it. Especially since the pain pills that Jessica was so politely bringing for her, had a habit of giving her belly slight bouts of nausea.

Grabbing the smaller half of the sandwich, Millie sat back and took a small bite. She wouldn’t make her the sweet girl feel bad by refusing to eat the meal she’d so graciously prepared. Millie could suffer through an upset stomach to make her family happy.

Jessica came back with the nausea-inducing pills and Millie graciously took the two she handed her with a small glass of water. As they were sliding down her throat, Millie hoped they didn’t bring the BLT back up it. Not showing any of that turmoil to Jessica, she smiled brightly. “Thank you so much, Jessica Marie.” Laughing a little, she added, “Between you and Kai, I’ll be the most well-fed woman in town.”

It could have been her imagination, but Millie almost thought she saw Jessica twitch at the mention of Kai’s name. Not like the other day, when she’d seemed like she hadn’t wanted anything to do with him, just an odd, involuntary movement at his name. Kai had mentioned that Jessica was taking good care of him. Millie hoped that meant that whatever weirdness had been between them, had passed.

As Jessica only smiled politely at the comment, Millie decided to add to it. Watching Jessica sit in the plush chair kitty-corner to the couch, she took another small bite of her sandwich. “We should find Kai a girl.”

Jessica’s eyes widened, her mouth dropping open a little. Curious, Millie added, “He’s too good of a boy to not have someone to love. Don’t you think?” It was about as indirect that Millie could be, asking if everything was alright between the two of them.

Jessica swallowed and tucked her hair behind her ears. Grabbing a curl on one of the long strands, she started twisting it around her finger. It was an old childhood habit of Jessica’s. One that Millie was a little surprised to see pop up again. “Yeah, he’s really great…but, he just got here. I doubt he’s looking for anything yet.”

Millie watched the girl twist the strand of hair around her finger so tight that she was practically cutting off the circulation in the digit. “Nonsense. What boy his age isn’t looking to sow his oats a bit?” Millie smiled softly and took a bite of her sandwich.

Jessica’s face flooded with color as she gaped at Millie. “Grandma!” she exclaimed.

Millie laughed, not sure if Jessica was prudishly against the thought of a man trying out different partners, or surprised that her grandmother was not. Millie patted her knee. She hadn’t raised her family members to be prudes, and she’d certainly never have expected that from Jessica Marie. The girl must just be surprised. “Oh, relax, dear. No harm in a man…exploring his options.” Curious, what her reaction would be, Millie raised an eyebrow at Jessica pointedly. “A woman either, dear.”

Millie had to laugh at her granddaughter’s face going an even brighter shade of red. She immediately turned away from Millie and began jerking on the strand of hair in her fingers so hard, Millie was sure she’d pull the whole piece out by the root. “Well, sure…I guess,” she muttered, still seemingly flabbergasted by the whole conversation.

Millie chuckled and took another bite of her sandwich. “Do you know anyone he could date?” she asked Jessica casually.

The bright red immediately drained from Jessica’s cheeks as she shook her head. “No…and I really don’t think he’s interested in being…set up.”

Wiping some crumbs off of her lip with her thumb, Millie sighed. “I know, he said as much.” Shaking her head, she said, “But, men are stubborn, and don’t always know what they need.”

Studying the strand of hair in her fingers, Millie thought she heard Jessica mutter, “He doesn’t need that.” Millie couldn’t be positive of her hearing though, and just when she was going to ask her granddaughter to speak up, Jessica lifted her eyes to Millie’s. “Well, I don’t know anyone…for him.”

The way Jessica paused over that sentence, Millie had clearly heard the words, “anyone ‘good enough’ for him” in the section she didn’t say. Millie smiled that they had indeed bonded. “Well, keep an eye out.”

Jessica sighed and leaned back in her chair. Studying her hair again, she softly said, “What if I don’t want to give him up yet?”

Millie paused in taking a bite of her sandwich, about the last bite her stomach could handle. “What do you mean, dear?”

Jessica flushed, looking embarrassed that she’d actually said that out loud. Sputtering a little, she added, “I mean, he just got here, and I’m finally getting to know…my cousin. What if I just want him to myself for a little bit? Before I have to share him with a girlfriend?”

Millie smiled and set her sandwich down, her stomach too queasy to take another bite anyway. “I’m glad to hear you say that. You two seemed so…odd, the first time you met. I’m glad things are better.”

Jessica Marie flushed again, looking completely away, to the large window looking out into the front yard. An empty bird feeder took a place of prominence in the view and Jessica seemed to study it, like it held all of the answers to life’s biggest questions. “Yeah…we’re better.”

Millie watched her granddaughter curiously, wondering where her head was at. Young people. Everything was so dramatic. Resting back on her cushions, Millie watched Jessica’s unfocused eyes, apparently lost in thought. Not wanting to disrupt the girl’s inner voice, Millie closed her eyes and pondered how long she had to rest before she could sneak past her grandchildren and get back to her greenhouse. She had some herbs she wanted to grow for Kai. Something to spruce up his life a little bit. Rosemary, maybe?

Chapter   9

An Invitation

Jessie was having a long week. After seeing Kai Monday night, life had kept her too busy to see him again for a few days. Well, life and taking care of Grams. Jessie found that she missed the interaction with him. Missed it in a way that was a little disturbing to her.

She cringed whenever she thought about telling him that she was falling for him. Really, what had that been about? She couldn’t fall for him. It wasn’t allowed…or acceptable. It was definitely a path she didn’t need to go down. Thank goodness Kai had been asleep and hadn’t heard her mutter that. How embarrassing if he’d heard.

While getting dressed for her Friday morning shift at the clinic, she thought over the past couple of days. Instead of visiting Kai, she had spent the free time with Grams. Helping her to recover went a long way in helping Jessie…move on. Not entirely though. Grams had a way of bringing him up every five minutes. She hadn’t appeared to be testing the waters, seeing what, if anything, was between them, but out of concern for her grandson, she mentioned him frequently.

She was always asking Jessie to make sure she checked on him, make sure he was getting along in the city okay. It could be confusing to a new person, finding out where everything was. Jessie assured her that she’d take him out sightseeing when she got some free time, maybe this weekend they’d go exploring. Grams had loved that idea.

She also seemed intent on setting Kai up. Jessie hated that idea. Kai was fine, being young and single. Jessie didn’t see why he needed to be immediately saddled down with a relationship. Although, in a bit of a shocking revelation, Grams had made it seem like she wasn’t necessarily talking about a “relationship” for Kai. She really couldn’t believe the old woman was actually suggesting her child’s child sleep around. Just the thought of her grams suggesting it was sort of disturbing to Jessie. Shouldn’t all parental type people be opposed to such a thing? At least on the surface?

Jessie blushed horribly while she pulled her hair into a curly French twist. She couldn’t even think about Kai’s love life without thinking of their own moment. It haunted her sometimes, slipping into her mind at the most inopportune moments. Jessie was a little relieved that she hadn’t seen him in a few days, regardless of how much she missed him. He just had a habit of looking at her, being close to her, or well, just breathing on her, that shoved her thoughts into that “do not enter” zone. Space was good. Distance was good.

And hard.

Jessie was ready to see him again. Aching for it really. Once she was home for the day, she imagined herself leaving again and knocking on his door. She pictured how surprised he’d be and imagined him laughing and sweeping her into a hug. And of course, he was almost always shirtless in those little fantasies. Jessie couldn’t help it. He had a pleasing shape. Wrong as it was, she ached to see it again too.

Jessie did wonder how he’d been getting along without her. Not that he needed her or anything, but she liked to think that he was equally missing her. She didn’t have to wonder too much about “what” he was doing though. He called Grams often and the old woman had a way of relaying every single conversation back to Jessie. If Jessie were a different sort of woman, she might have gotten just a tiny bit jealous over how close Kai and his grandmother were. But she wasn’t that type of girl. And really, it only reaffirmed why they had to stay away from each other. He was family – beloved family. There was just no way to get around that fact.

Gram’s conversations about him usually centered around his job. She always seemed concerned when she brought up his work. Jessie couldn’t be sure, but she felt like Grams was waiting for something bad to happen there. Jessie had no idea what. From all of Gram’s stories, it was pretty clear that Kai was loving it there. He’d healed from his bee fiasco, and luckily hadn’t had any other sting incidents, and was thoroughly getting into the plant and animal life of the Rocky Mountains. He’d even apparently shifted to the new time zone and wasn’t suffering from as much exhaustion.

Jessie was glad to hear it, remembering how tired he’d seemed when he’d fallen asleep in her arms, his own wrapped around her. Those warm, strong arms…

Sighing, Jessie gazed at herself in the mirror. A couple of not tamable strands fell out of the clip securing her thick locks and Jessie tucked them behind her ear, refusing to redo the style. She shouldn’t think about cuddling with Kai, about him whispering if it was alright, then telling her that she felt good. Those words should not give her stomach a jolt of electricity.

Watching her deep brown eyes start to water, Jessie shook her head and turned on the faucet, splashing her face with cold water.  She really shouldn’t linger on that last kiss either, her pressing into his mouth, him ever so slightly responding. The softness, the heat, the light exhale along her skin… She had to move on and so did he. Maybe Grams was on to something. Maybe she should set him up with someone. Maybe April, since she still asked Jessie near nightly if her cousin was making an appearance anytime soon.

Jessie straightened, dried her face, and started doing her makeup. Their tryst had only been a week ago. A week ago tonight. Was that long enough for her inebriated friends to forget his specifics? Jessie had no idea. Only one way to know for sure, she supposed.

Slipping on her shoes as she sat on her bed, Jessie glanced out her bedroom window. On her cement deck, under a shaded overhang, was a small patio set. It was the wrought iron type that you might see outside a small Parisian café. Jessie stood up and walked over to the window to look at it closer. It was a tiny, round table with two matching chairs. The girls never really used it. Jessie occasionally went out back to read a book in the sun, but she generally sat in the more comfortable lounge chair when she did. There were even a couple of spider webs across one of the seats, further emphasizing its generally lack of use.

Jessie smiled, remembering how Kai was eating his meals on his bed, or probably, standing in the kitchen over his sink. She recalled mentioning to him that he should get a small table for his place. He’d made a joke at her comment, but hadn’t seemed opposed to it. More like he felt Jessie was doing too much for him. She didn’t’ think that was true. Really, besides buying him some more nutritious food, all she’d done was given him a bunch of odds and ends that she really didn’t need cluttering up her own place.

Decided, Jessie headed out back through a slider in the living room. The set was pretty light, and Jessie got it through the house and into her truck with relative ease. She even wiped off the stray spider webs. Smiling as she closed the end of her truck, she realized that she now had a legitimate reason to knock on Kai’s door again.

Nervous butterflies flew through her at just the thought of seeing those ocean-like eyes. Oh boy, she really needed to stop that.

Moments later, Jessie was walking into the warm, cheery office where she worked. As she smiled hello to the receptionist, she took in the large space that was her current home away from home. Soft rock piped in through the speakers inlaid in the ceiling, and every wall was painted a butter-cream color. The accents were done in various shades of green and the result was a waiting room that felt peaceful and relaxing. A dozen or so padded chairs were lined around the walls with several round tables sprinkled throughout, each holding various forms of entertaining magazines. Currently, one or two clients were already there, flipping through the pages, waiting to get their chemical peel or facial scrub from the esthetician, or maybe even waiting for a body rub from Jessie.

As she walked back into the room delegated as her working space, she tucked her purse into a drawer in her small desk and hung up her jacket on an awaiting coat rack. The room was designed for ambiance with her massage table taking center stage. The plush, padded slab had a circle cut out of the top so a person could rest their head straight down, keeping their spine perfectly aligned for Jessie to work all the kinks out of it.

The walls were a beautiful mauve color, showcasing an assortment of dewdrops photos. If you looked really close, you could see images and reflections in the drops. They were quite astounding, but most people that came in here never really got to see them, as the room was kept pretty dark. Jessie switched on a softly glowing lamp, highlighting the various oils and creams she used, without lighting up too much of the room. Grabbing a lighter, she lit a series of scentless candles placed throughout the room. Some of her clients couldn’t handle heavy scents, and it hadn’t taken Jessie long to switch to the non-smelly kind of mood lighting.

After the room flickered with a peaceful glow, she turned her stereo on low, the Enya CD inside it quietly spilling out. Opening a bottle of lavender oil, she poured a small amount into a potpourri dish. The light scent filled the room without being as overpowering as candles could be.

Sitting on the edge of her table, she looked over at the clock on the wall. Her first client should be here soon, otherwise she’d pass the time talking with a coworker. As the peace of her office flowed into her and she warmed up her hands for a day of action, her thoughts drifted to where they usually drifted to of late – Kai. She pictured him spread out on the table she was sitting on.

She imaged his broad back, his lean body, his bare legs and just a lush towel resting over his hips as her hands glided over his body. Then she imagined her hands slipping under that towel…

“Jessica, can you believe it’s Friday again already? Where does the time go?”

Jessie startled out of her highly inappropriate thoughts and glanced up at the door. An older gentleman that she saw every Friday morning was standing there, smiling broadly at her. Hopping off the table, she smiled widely at him. “Good morning, Mr. Tinley.” Giving him a playful grin as she patted the table, Jessie prayed that she wasn’t bright red. At least the dim lighting would hide it if she were. “The week may have gone by fast for you, but the time until I got to see you again, dragged on and on for me.”

He laughed and sat on the table, undoing his shoes. “Careful now, Jessica. Flirt with me anymore and I may just think I’ve got a shot with you.”

Jessie laughed at the man old enough to be her grandpa. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, Mr. Tinley.”

He nodded and Jessie stepped out of the room to give him time to undress and lay on the table. Heading to a bathroom, Jessie quickly stepped inside the single stalled room and exhaled a long breath. Her little fantasy of Kai had gotten her worked up a bit. Even now, thinking of Mr. Tinley changing, she was really picturing her cousin slinking off his clothes, and if it were him in there, she knew she wouldn’t have left the room. Her stomach tightening uncomfortably at how much the thought aroused her, she stepped over to the faucet and stared at herself in the mirror.

“Stop it, Jessie. You can’t be with him, so stop thinking of him like that,” she whispered at herself heatedly. Her own irritated eyes glaring back at her, she sighed again and turned on the water. Wishing she could splash some on her face without completely ruining her makeup, she settled with simply feeling the rushing coolness filter through her fingers.

After another long moment, she head back to Mr. Tinley.

Her brief self-scolding in the bathroom cleared her head a little. For some of the day, she was able to tuck Kai away into a tiny, unused portion of her brain. But not for long. Eventually he came out, disrupting her massage, churning her stomach and igniting her body. The first time he slipped out, she was massaging the shoulders of a man whose back was covered with wiry gray hairs. But Jessie didn’t see the gray hairs. She rarely ever noticed her clients oddities, more focused on the muscles beneath the skin, but today, today her mind completely evaporated the chalky whiteness glowing in the candlelight. Today that skin was replaced with the deep, sun kissed shade of Kai’s.

And that was only the first time he disrupted her thoughts. She thought about him while working on a strained calf muscle, a bad case of plantar fasciitis, and a shoulder blade stress knot. She pictured her oiled hands running over his taut body as she rubbed down a figure that was not so toned. She visualized the dark swirl of his tattoo as she worked on a woman whose skin rivaled the depth of color in that black ink. In between clients, she even found herself staring out the window in the break room, waiting to see him pull up in that sporty bike of his.

No, as much as she tried, she just couldn’t seem to get him out of her head. And it made her feel awful, and wonderful.

Her day was a long one, what with her cousin filling up her brain. But eventually it was over and she was waving goodbye to the receptionist. Glancing at the patio table in the bed of her truck, she started to wonder if maybe she should wait to drop it off on another day; he was just affecting her more than usual today. She wasn’t sure what might happen if she were around him, especially if he was being affected by her absence as well. Sure, she had talked to him a couple of times throughout the week over the phone, but, while his voice was soothing and refreshing, it wasn’t enough to keep Jessie satisfied. She wanted to see him too.

Maybe not seeing him for awhile was the cause of her problems? Maybe he was just something she needed to gradually pull back from, and not quit cold turkey. Not that she ever intended to “quit” him. He was family and family didn’t abandon each other, even if being around one another was difficult at times. Her last thought reaffirming her choice, Jessie climbed into her truck and set off to her cousin’s.

Pulling into his underground parking, Jessie sighed. The spot reserved for his place was empty. He wasn’t home yet. Not sure whether she should leave the table in front of his door, where someone could possibly steal it before he got home, Jessie climbed out of her truck and stared at the white lines outlining the space where his bike should be.

As if fate wanted them to keep meeting up, she heard the growl of his bike as she was still staring at the lines. Biting her lip, she watched his sleek form on that sleek bike. He looked completely natural on it, like he’d been on bikes his entire life. Smoothly pulling into the spot she was still standing beside, he set his feet on the ground as he stopped the motorcycle and shut it off.  Pushing down the kickstand, his visored head twisted to look at her. Beneath the pitch-black helmet, Jessie had no idea if he was happy to see her or not. She was hoping he was.

As he sat back on his bike, he popped his helmet off. The grin Jessie saw there was exactly the one she’d been hoping to see. “Hey there, cousin. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

Jessie contained a cringe at the familial term he’d just placed between them. He used that often with her, and she in turn with him. It seemed to verbally space them apart, almost a reminder that they couldn’t be anything more than family. Usually she was grateful for the reminder, but after the fantasies that she’d had all afternoon…well, she sort of just wanted to forget.

Not liking herself for actually wanting that, she smiled brightly at him. “I have a surprise for you…cousin.”

He didn’t react to her term either, only tilted his head at her statement as he swung his leg over his bike. Jessie’s heart started to sink a little. Maybe he hadn’t missed her as much as she’d missed him? But, then again, he was settling into a lot more than Jessie was. Jessie’s life was pretty much at a comfortable, fixed point. Everything in Kai’s was new and jumbled. She could understand that taking precedence.

After he slung his helmet over his handlebar, he walked up to Jessie. She was leaning against the side of her truck and he walked directly in front of her, so close that their legs were nearly touching. Reaching out to loosely grab her hand, he ran his thumb up and down the back of it. It was exquisite torture for Jessie, and she really hated herself for how much she enjoyed the slight caress.

Smiling warmly at her, his sea-green eyes swept over her face. “You don’t have to keep doing things for me, Jessie.” He whispered her name when he finally said it and Jessie’s heart skipped a beat. No, the absence had definitely not been a good idea. He was overwhelming her so much that she nearly wanted to grab his neck and pull his mouth to hers. But…she couldn’t, not with that cousin word still hovering in the air.

Loving the tender look in his eyes, she finally noticed what he was wearing. He was dressed in what sort of looked like a uniform: khaki slacks and a bright teal polo shirt with the name of his work in the corner. The color of the shirt emphasized the color of his eyes, even in the orange glow of the lot lights. He was even more spectacular and for a moment, Jessie couldn’t answer him.

She leaned away from the truck, into his body. Kai didn’t pull back, and when she took a step, the entire length of her pressed into the entire length of him. He said nothing, did nothing, other than drop his mouth open a little and start to breathe slightly heavier. Clenching his hand in hers, she brought her other one to his chest, resting it on those lean muscles that she’d been picturing all day long.

She ran her palm up to his shoulder but he still didn’t step away from her, still didn’t react negatively to her closeness. In fact, his free hand not in hers, drifted up to rest on her hip, pulling her into him. Finding confidence in his movement, she leaned her head up to his. “I missed you,” she breathed, her lips just mere inches from him.

His head came down fractionally as his eyes half closed. “I missed you too, Jessie,” he whispered, his breath over her face making her feel weak, letting her ignore every warning bell going off in her brain. She knew they were too close, she knew they were being too intimate, but his hand on her hip was sliding around to the back, and she just couldn’t care enough to stop him from touching her that way. In that moment, he could have touched her any way he wanted to.

Her fingers trailed up his neck, tangling in his dark hair. They started to move towards each other simultaneously, their lips closing the distance between themselves considerably, when a squealing car zoomed around the corner. The car had been going a bit too fast and slid out a little as it came towards them. They both looked up and Kai immediately grabbed Jessie and shoved her behind him.

The stupid sports car came within two inches of hitting the back of Jessie’s truck, before it finally gained control and continued speeding away. Jessie yelled an obscenity at the asshole and glared at the red brake lights until they disappeared. What was it about people in fast cars that made them think they were all Mario Andretti?

When he was gone, Jessie finally took note of how Kai was pressing her back into the concrete wall. Clinging to his shoulders, her fingers dug into his thick jacket as adrenaline pumped through her. She’d been sure that jerk had been about to hit either them or their vehicles, and Kai had thrown himself in front of her. No one had ever done anything like that for Jessie before, and a surprising rush of warmth filled her.

Kai slowly stepped forward and then even slower twisted to look back at her. She wasn’t sure if he was dazed by their earlier near-kiss moment, the squealing vehicle that had been twisting towards them, or the lingering feeling of protective love that was still thick in the air. Either way, his breath was quicker when he finally faced her again. Burrowing his brows, he searched her body. “Are you okay, did I hurt you?”

Jessie only then felt the ache in her shoulder where he sort of roughly tossed her back into the wall. Not wanting him to feel guilt over shielding her, she shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She smiled warmly and reached out a hand for him.

He took it, returning her warm smile. Then he gave her a devilish grin. “I didn’t realize you had such a dirty mouth.” Jessie blushed; the words she’d yelled at that maniac driver were not exactly ladylike. Well, she had grown up with four brothers after all. Kai grinned wider seeing her flush. “That was kind of hot.”

His smile dropped after he said that and he dropped her hand. They stared at each other for a moment, both looking torn. They had both nearly given in to the temptation to kiss each other – really kiss each other. Jessie was sure that if they had touched, it would have ignited the tension between them and they would have ended up testing out the strength of Kai’s new headboard…the headboard belonging to the woman who was a grandmother to the both of them.

Swallowing the bile in her throat, Jessie broke the building tension by indicating the back of her truck. “I brought you a table,” she muttered, not even sure if coming here was a good idea anymore.

His face fell at her dejected tone and then brightened as he looked back at her truck. “You did?” He walked over to look in the bed and then looked back at her, stunned. “You actually went out and found me a table?” He seemed perplexed that she would take the time to do that.

She shrugged and walked over to the bed with him. “I had one…we weren’t using it, so…”

Kai smiled over at her and shook his head. “You take care of everything, don’t you?” There was such love and warmth in his sentence that Jessie felt it in every cell of her body. The way he talked to her, the way he looked at her, it made her want to do everything in the world to please him, even if that was wrong.

Looking at the ground for a moment after studying her face, he peeked up at her from the corner of his eye. “Thank you, Jessie,” he whispered. She grinned and flushed with pleasure. Laughing a little as he went around to the back of the truck, he shook his head and said, “I should just get that monogrammed on my t-shirts, since I seem to say it so much.”

Jessie laughed with him and shook her head. “You’re just being overly gracious. I really haven’t done all that much.”

Cocking his head at her, he set the table on the ground. “You’ve done more than I ever could have…” He stopped and sighed and a multitude of emotions passed over his face. Jessie wasn’t sure what they all were, but she thought she saw pain there…and longing.

Clearing his throat and shaking his head, he grabbed the table while Jessie grabbed the chairs. “Come on, I’ll make you something to eat. We’ll have dinner on my new table. It’s the least I can do.”

Jessie grinned and followed him.

***************

Kai unlocked his apartment and walked in, Jessie close behind him. He still couldn’t believe she’d been waiting for him when he’d gotten home. He hoped she hadn’t been waiting for too long. Missy had sort of held him up after work, wanting him to give her a ride on his bike. Politely refusing her, he’d gotten out of there as quickly as he could by telling her that he was running late in meeting someone. Little did he know that his lie was actually the truth.

And what a pleasant surprise coming home had been. Kai had been missing Jessie for awhile. He hadn’t seen her since Monday night. All day she’d been on his mind, infiltrating his thoughts as he’d stared at slides in a microscope. Somehow, Jessie had a way of making even the act of examining cellular decomposition sexy. Knowing he shouldn’t think of her that way, he’d been in turmoil for hours.

But upon seeing her, all that turmoil lifted into joy. While he’d talked with her, he missed seeing her, missed her smile, missed the crinkle of her nose when she laughed. The suddenness of his happiness had brought about his need to maintain a little space, and he’d automatically called her by the name that verbally kept them apart. Cousin.

But even that frail word hadn’t kept them from drifting together. Sometimes, Kai wondered if that word would ever truly be enough to keep them from going down that disastrous road. But they had to. As hard as it could be, as hard as it almost was down in the parking lot, they had to. Because willingly going down that path would lead to nothing good.

As he closed his door behind her, Kai thought over their heated moment. Setting the table and chairs up in a small space in the kitchen, he considered the horrid fact that he’d wanted it to happen. Sickeningly enough, he’d wanted her lips on his just as firmly as her breasts had been pressed against him. His hand had even reacted to his need, slinking down to cup that beautiful backside, just as her hand had twisted in his hair, sending electricity down his spine. He’d have done anything at that moment to not be related to her, to not feel the gut twisting guilt that crept in, whenever his desire for her did. Things would be so much simpler, if they didn’t share the same blood. But some obstacles were just not surmountable. Genes was one of them.

That car nearly sideswiping them had nearly given him a heart attack. Not for his safety, but for hers. He couldn’t imagine that tender skin being ripped open. He didn’t want to think about that compassionate heart stopping. He’d only been able to step in front of her in the short time they’d had, but he would have thrown himself into harm’s way if he had to. Anything to protect her.

As she sat at his new table, miming opening a menu and looking through the contents like a discerning food critic, he smiled at her. His heart was still pounding hard over the near-incident, but given the same circumstances again, Kai would try and keep her safe again. Come to think of it, given all of the same incidences again tonight, none of his actions would probably change. That hurt his stomach a bit as he took off his coat and prepared to make them something somewhat edible.

He shouldn’t let them get too close. At least, not like that. It wasn’t healthy for either of them.

Settling on the second thing that he could make well, beside a rocking Spam sandwich, he made them heaping plates of spaghetti. Jessie took in the amount he gave her with wide eyes, but said nothing. Setting their plates down on the wrought iron table, he opened a bottle of red wine. Pouring them each a glass, he sat down across from her.

Jessie thanked him and smiled warmly; Kai’s entire body heated at the look on her face. Shaking his head as he took a sip of his wine, he was again amazed at her generosity. It was like thinking of ways to make him happy and comfortable was all she did all day. He didn’t think he actually took up that much space in her brain, but a small portion of him liked to think that he did. He tried to push back that part of him.

They ate their messy meals comfortably, laughing at the other when someone got a stray piece of sauce somewhere. When Jessie tenderly reached out and rubbed some off his chin, Kai momentarily wished that she had someone to nurture. Someone that she could be with guilt free. Someone worthy of her, much more so than that ass Jeremy. She was so good to Kai…he just knew that she’d be amazing as someone’s girlfriend.

Kai swallowed a heavy lump in his throat. Eventually that would happen. Girls like Jessie didn’t stay single for long. He had no idea what he’d do, when her attention to him was suddenly diverted to another man. A surprising rush of jealous at this imaginary boyfriend flashed through him. He sort of hated the non-existent man already.

“You alright?”

Kai looked up at hearing her concerned voice. Smiling, he shook his head. “Of course.” Pointing to her half-eaten plate, he tried to distract her mind from sussing out his mood. “Is it okay?”

Jessie glanced at her plate and smiled. “It’s wonderful. I haven’t had spaghetti in forever.” She smiled and tilted her head at him, taking a sip of wine.

Kai felt a little guilty that he hadn’t made something more…intricate, even the sauce had been from a jar, but she seemed genuine with her answer. “Good…I’m glad.”

As he went back to eating, she paused with her glass to her lips. Kai looked at her thoughtfully while he chewed his food. She seemed like she wanted to ask him something. He got a little nervous watching her watch him, wondering what she could possible question him on. If she brought up them, and what had happened downstairs…well, he wasn’t sure what he could say about it. Nothing that he should probably say out loud. It was best if Jessie didn’t know just how often he thought of her…dreamt of her.

Finally, she pulled the glass from her mouth. “Would you like to come to my place tomorrow night? Have dinner with me…and my roommates?” She added that last part after a few seconds pause.

Kai swallowed his food and smiled. He’d been imaging much harder questions. “Sure, I’d love to see your place.” He thought about that for a second while she smiled. “Would your roommates…? I mean…has it been long enough…? Would they suspect that you and me…?” Kai let his voice trail off, not knowing how to ask her if, once they saw him, would they know that he was the one she’d slept with on that night, one week ago today.

She flushed and looked down, knowing what he was referring to. “I don’t…I don’t think so.” She looked back up and shrugged. “If I introduce you as my cousin, the thought probably won’t even cross their minds. They’ll just assume that you and I have known each other for years and would never…” She bit her lip, her cheeks filling with a beautiful pink color.

Nodding, he took a large gulp of wine. It seemed reasonable enough. Who would suspect that as family, they’d never met before that night? That, thanks to nicknames and lots of alcohol, they hadn’t recognized each other. That they’d gone all the way without ever really finding out anything about the other. That they’d had mind-blowing sex, without ever realizing that they shared the same last name.

No, who would ever be twisted enough to come up with that scenario?

Chapter   10

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Kai awoke Saturday morning feeling pretty good. And not just because he was up at what he considered a reasonable hour for a weekend morning. No, while he was glad that he was finally crossing over into the four hour time change, what had a smile plastered on his face as he woke, was the thought of being at Jessie’s place later.

Standing and stretching, he threw on a t-shirt and shuffled to his kitchen to make some coffee and have a little cereal at his new table. He smiled the entire time he ate at it, enjoying the ease of sitting at the proper height, and the sentiment behind the not-asked-for gift. His cousin was definitely a generous person. As he finished his bowl, he idly wondered if there was anything he could give to her. Some small reciprocal token. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have much yet. Maybe later, when he started getting some decent checks, he’d get her something, or take her out to a nice meal. Nothing too date-like though. Kai wouldn’t want to make either of them uncomfortable.

Rinsing out his bowl, he decided to do the one thing that he really hadn’t had much time to do this week. He shuffled back to his bed after a quick pit stop to the bathroom and watched a little Sports Center. Smiling, he enjoyed a moment of laziness before he truly began his day.

His first week had gone by in sort of a blur. Getting to and from his job was a longer commute than he was used to, but the freedom of riding a motorcycle was something that he enjoyed, so he often looked forward to his rides. Although, he could already tell that he was going to have to wear something either over or under his work clothes when he rode. He was just getting too cold. Maybe he’d do a little shopping today.

The actual “work” part of work was going smoothly. Truly, the work was the easiest thing about his job. Cataloging, studying, analyzing…it was all tasks that he found intriguing. Dealing with the various personalities at the research center, now that was the real challenge.

Louis seemed to think that he and Kai were best friends now, and while Kai liked the man, he was also being treated to a non-stop rendition of the ‘Tao of Louis.’ He had an opinion on everything, and was none too shy about sharing them. He was also one hundred percent certain that Kai had screwed Missy on that very first day in the backroom. He hadn’t even flinched when he’d told that to Kai. To Louis, it seemed just another fact that was catalogued in his brain. Kai often wondered if Missy was telling people that that was what had happened.

As for his relationship with her, well, if he were a girl, he would definitely have grounds for sexual harassment. As he was not a girl, and really, what guy would ever formally complain about being hit on every day, he let it continue without raising a fuss. Besides, Kai was sort of hoping that after a while of his seeming disinterest in her advances, she’d stop. So far, she hadn’t stopped. If anything, she’d gotten a little bolder as they got more comfortable with each other. Just yesterday, when she’d been bugging him about the bike, she’d also grabbed his ass.

He’d, as politely as he could, asked her to not do it again. Kai was pretty sure she would anyway. Really, he wouldn’t be surprised if she cupped his junk. He was seriously hoping that day didn’t happen anytime soon.

Then there was his boss, Mason. After a full week he’d seemed to warm up some to Kai. He seemed to truly appreciate Kai’s work ethic and ability to multitask. He’d commended him on his analyses and often asked Kai to help him personally with projects that he was working on, most involving those damn bees. Fortunately they hadn’t bothered Kai again.

But even with all that, Kai got the feeling that the man would prefer it if Kai weren’t around. Like, for some unknowable reason, Kai bothered him. Mason didn’t show it in any of the ways that he spoke to him, but Kai was pretty observant, and noticed the tightness of his eyes, the guarded way he smiled, and the small sigh that would escape his lips whenever Kai entered a room. Yes, Kai wasn’t sure why, but he was positive that his boss didn’t really like him.

That bothered Kai. He really looked up to Mason. Admired his mind and his goals. What he was doing was important, noble even, and Kai had a great amount of respect for him. He wanted to turn the man around, please him in some way…he just wasn’t sure how. The only thing he could really do was to keep plugging away, keep trying. Maybe over time, whatever Kai had done to Mason would fade away, and they could be close colleagues.

Kai hoped so.

Just as he was feeling better from his mental pep talk, he heard a soft, lyrical ringing. He looked over at his nightstand, to where his cell phone was softly playing a song. Frowning, he picked it up. He’d set the volume of his ringer down on his phone, but he was pretty sure that he’d never changed the ringtone to play, what he was nearly positive was “Endless Love.” Rolling his eyes, he wondered if Missy had somehow messed around with his cell when he hadn’t noticed.

Glancing at the numbers, he frowned even more. Popping the phone open, he held it to his ear. “Mom? Why are you up so early?”

His mother’s surprised voice answered him. “Oh, hi, Kai. I wasn’t sure if you’d be up this early on a Saturday. I was just going to leave a message.”

Kai looked over to the microwave in the kitchen and chuckled. “It’s not that early for me, Mom. It’s after ten. But it is for you, what are you doing up so early?” he asked again, relaxing back against his headboard.

His mom hesitated. “Oh, I just…had a couple of phone calls to make, and was a little anxious about making them, so I really wasn’t sleeping very well anyway.”

Kai scrunched his brows at hearing the stress in his mom’s voice. “Everything alright?”

She hesitated again, and Kai wondered if those short breaks were his mom debating whether or not to tell him something. He had no idea what. “Of course, honey. Don’t you worry about me. How are you doing? How’s work going?”

He smiled at her often repeated question. She had called him near daily, and one thing she always asked about, was his work. “Since yesterday, Mom? It’s fine.” He chuckled as he answered, amused by her curiosity.

He heard a sound from her that he could have sworn was a disappointed sigh, but she only said, “That’s good, dear.” Before Kai could ask her again if everything was alright, she said, “Well, I was just calling to let you know that I sent you a care package. You should get it any day.”

Kai smiled and rubbed his stomach, wondering what she’d sent for him. Amazed at how sweet the women of his family were, he told her, “Thanks, Mom. You didn’t have to do that.”

She scoffed at him. “I’m your mother, honey. It’s exactly what I have to do.” She laughed softly and Kai chuckled and shook his head.

“Well, again, thank you.”

Just as he was hoping she’d sent some of her world famous chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies, she asked him about a sort of touchy subject. “So, you meet a girl yet?”

Kai grit his jaw, hating about the side effect of caring women. If it were up to her and Gran, he’d be halfway down a wedding aisle by now. With everything that was going on with Jessie, which was nothing really, Kai just hadn’t had a moment to think about seeing someone else. It kind of hurt his heart to think about it.

Playing up his conflicts, he allowed himself to sigh in frustration. “Mom, come on. Between you and Grandma, I swear, you’d think I was a desperate loser who couldn’t get his own dates.”

His mom paused at his statement. “Millie tries to set you up?”

He could hear the edge of irritation and concern in her voice and bit his lip. She and his grandmother didn’t exactly get along. There wasn’t really an animosity there on his mom’s side, but there was no love lost in the other direction. For some reason, Kai’s grandma just did not care for Kai’s mother. He’d thought to ask her about it while he was here…but, somehow he could never bring it up around her. Kai could just imagine his mother thinking that Gran would set him up with a girl who could be easily set against her, but Kai didn’t think his grandma would ever intentionally be that vindictive.

“Don’t worry, Mom. She hasn’t sent any she-devils my way.” His mom gave a soft laugh at his obvious joke and Kai smiled. “Besides, I’m too busy with work right now to worry about that stuff.” Knowing his mom wouldn’t take that as an excuse, her eventually wanting grandchildren and all, he quickly added, “Maybe once I’ve settled in some more, I’ll start…looking.”

She sighed, clear defeat in her exhale. “Alright, Kai. Don’t work too hard.”

Kai smiled into his phone, picturing his tired, worried mother. “I won’t, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you, too Kai. I’ll call again soon.”

Kai shook his head, knowing “soon” was probably tomorrow. “Alright, go rest. Take a nap or something.” She laughed and assured him that she would then she told him she loved him again and hung up the phone.

Kai kept up his smile as he snapped shut his cell. Shaking his head at his mother, he thought of his father for a moment. He hadn’t heard from him since he’d arrived here. Thinking it was odd that his dad hadn’t called to check in on him yet, Kai briefly wondered if he should give him a call, to make sure everything was okay. Plus, he never did get a chance to call and tell him about Gran falling. His dad would want to know that his mom had gotten hurt. Glancing at the clock again, he set down his phone. It was too early to call back there. He’d do it later, give his dad time to wake up first.

Resuming his TV watching, Kai started to get swept away in a hockey game. Then his eyes snapped down to his phone again and swiftly picking it up, he changed back the damn ringtone. Endless Love? Good god.

Later in the day, after Kai had felt sufficiently grubby and had finally gotten up to take a shower, he called his dad. Surprisingly, the conversation was brief and Kai could swear, almost strained. Kai wasn’t sure why when he hung up the phone; he and his dad had always had a really good relationship. They had similar personalities and common interests. Truly, they got along great. Kai was a little mystified by the detachment he heard on the other end. He’d also been surprised that his dad had already known about Gran hurting herself. He hadn’t known all the specifics, and Kai had filled him in as best he could, but he hadn’t been surprised to hear about it.

Kai shrugged, figuring Gran had called her son at some point. Still wondering why everyone in his life seemed to be acting a little strangely, Kai got ready for his day. Dressing in thick denims and two long-sleeved shirts, a loose sweater over the top, Kai started to think that it was just the distance that was making everyone odd. His parents were used to seeing him every day. His grandmother was used to not seeing him at all. Surely, they were all just reacting to that strangeness. Kai knew he was.

Locking up his apartment, he headed down to his bike, to do a little necessities shopping before meeting up with Jessie. He was going to pick up those long johns she suggested, or something similar. And maybe he’d surprised her, by picking up something nice for her while he was out. It was the least he could do, since she was always surprising him with nice things.

Smiling as he climbed on his bike, he knew just what he could get for her…

**************

Jessie was pacing. Nerves flashed through her body as she watched the clock on the living room wall get closer and closer to five o’clock. She had no idea why, but in a moment of weakness, she’d asked Kai to come to dinner. It really wasn’t a good idea, but Jessie knew that eventually her roommates would have to meet him. They were just too integrated in her life for that not to happen. They frequently hung out together or stayed home together. Living with your best friends can feel a bit stifling at times, but the girls were all close. It would just be really odd if Jessie purposely kept her newly-in-town cousin away.

But…she really wasn’t sure if they would remember him or not, and her stomach was in a jumble just thinking of them discovering what she’d done with him. God, they’d be sick. Jessie put both hands on her stomach as she walked around the spacious room.  It still made her feel sick. And she’d had a week to come to terms with the fact. A week and a day actually.

Her home was filled with the smell of a roast simmering away in her Crockpot. Jessie hadn’t known what to make Kai, but pot-roast had just screamed comfort food to her. If Kai was feeling just a little homesick, and he had to be on some level, then maybe the meal would remind him of being home with his mom. Assuming she had made the same meals for him that Jessie’s mom had made for her.

Jessie wasn’t really sure, since she’d never really heard a lot about Kai’s mom. For some reason, no one in the family really talked about the woman. Apparently, her divorce from Uncle Nate had been a nasty one, although, Kai still seemed to be close to both parents, and his mom and dad still worked together, so some level of respect must still be there. Jessie didn’t want to bring it up with Kai to find out. It felt too…intrusive, to ask.

Her stomach rumbling, Jessie ran her hands through her hair. She’d spent longer than she cared to admit, taming the curly locks into distinct, defined curls, instead of the wild, out of control mess it could easily fall into sometimes. She hoped Kai liked it; she caught him smiling at her hair sometimes. She sighed, she shouldn’t think that way. This was not a date. This was her cousin coming over for dinner, nothing fancier than that.

Just as she was about to go and check on the potatoes roasting in the oven, April sauntered into the room. Her long black hair was luxuriously shiny and sighing at her own kinky hair, Jessie wished for straight locks, for just a second. “Hey,” she said brightly as she walked over to a couch and tucked her legs under herself as she sat down. She was wearing a miniskirt with black boots that nearly went to her knees. The skin showing between her knee and the skirt’s hemline was lean and trim, and for a second, Jessie also wished for her friend’s slim figure. Jessie’s curves wouldn’t have pulled off that look nearly as well.

Tucking a dark strand behind her ear, April looked over to the kitchen, “Can I help with anything?”

Jessie smiled and shook her head. “Harm beat you to it.” She nodded back to the kitchen. “She’s already in there making a salad.”

From the kitchen both girls heard, “A kick-ass salad!”

April laughed and rolled her eyes. Jessie tried to calm her nerves by twisting to go check on the potatoes again, but April interrupted her. “You okay?”

Jessie tossed on an unworried smile as she swept her eyes over her place, looking to make sure that everything was tidy and in the proper spot. It was. She’d spent all afternoon making sure of it. “Yep, just making sure everything is perfect for Kai.” Not knowing how that sounded, she added, “He’s a long way from home, so I want to make sure he feels welcomed.” She shrugged, a little lamely.

April gave her a crooked grin, leaning back on her elbow on the armrest of the couch. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he feels plenty welcomed.”

Jessie frowned at her friend’s provocative position. She really didn’t want April entertaining him in that way, although, she really had no say in the matter. Putting her hands on her hips, she adopted an obviously teasing stern stance, even though it was completely real in her head. “You stay away from him.”

April smirked as she sat up. “Why? If he’s new in town, he might want some company.” She smiled suggestively. “I’m great company.”

Jessie sighed and rolled her eyes, trying to hold her irritation at her friend inside. It wasn’t April’s fault she was a flirt. “Well, just tone it down then. “ She smacked her friend’s boot. “You’ll scare him straight back to Hawaii.”

April laughed and then purred. “Mmm, Hawaiian boy. Yum.”

Giving up, Jessie made herself laugh at April and walk into the kitchen to her more reserved friend. The redhead was cutting fresh vegetables at the counter and smiled over at Jessie when she entered. The deep color of her hair contrasted nicely with the dark green of her blouse, making Harmony nearly look like the embodiment of autumn. Cocking a fiery eyebrow, she tilted her head at Jessie. “You do look a little freaked. Everything okay?”

Jessie made herself laugh causally. “Yep, just hoping I didn’t burn the potatoes.” Her heart racing faster than normal, Jessie popped open the oven. The heat wave hit her in the face and she pulled back a little to let it escape.

“Hmmm…I’m sure it’s fine. He’ll probably appreciate the sentiment anyway. I mean, he probably hasn’t had a home cooked meal in a while, right?” Harmony asked, her hands flying over red and yellow bell peppers.

Jessie poked a knife in the potatoes and smiled when it easily went straight through. Straightening, she closed the oven door and turned down the heat to the warm setting. “Yeah, I think he’ll love it.”

Harmony narrowed her eyes slightly and Jessie realized that she’d sighed in a way that nearly sounded romantic. She had to imagine her face was also looking a little love struck. Not liking that taboo thought, she rolled her eyes and went to the fridge. She really should avoid looking like she was in love with Kai. Sure, she was attracted to him, but he was family, so although she did love him, she couldn’t love-love him or anything. That was just the ways things had to be. Whatever she’d felt building when she’d stupidly told him that she was falling for him, she had to put the brakes on it.

Sighing at the order she still mentally arranged him into, placing attraction before family, she looked around for some wine to have with dinner. Over her shoulder, she asked, “Do we have any of that chardonnay left, Harm?” Jessie could have sworn that she’d opened a bottle just a couple of nights ago.

The sound of chopping resumed as Harmony went back to her salad prep. “Nope. April had a guy over Wednesday night. They drank it all.”

Jessie sighed as she shut the door. So much for that. She really should have known an open bottle wouldn’t stay open for long around here. From the living room she heard, “Sorry!” She sighed and went about making some Crystal Light. Shaking her head, she was grateful that at least she wasn’t offering him Kool-Aid.

Just as Harmony was mixing her special blend of spices into a small bowl of mayo – her secret salad recipe that she wouldn’t share with anybody – the doorbell rang. Jessie nearly dropped the pitcher of juice she was putting in the fridge. Before she could set it in and close the door, she heard April exclaim, “I’ll get it!”

Cursing, she hurried her slow hands. In her haste, she banged the pitcher on the lip of a shelf and bright red liquid sloshed over the edge to splash on the floor, a couple of drops hitting her sweater. Thankfully, she was wearing black.

“Damn it,” she muttered, grabbing a towel from Harmony, who’d automatically reached over for one. As she cleaned up the spill and Harmony worked on the salad, Jessie heard April’s excited greeting, followed by a flirtatious giggle. Jessie could just imagine April’s thrill at actually seeing her cousin. He was…well, just about the most attractive man Jessie had ever seen.

Wanting to see him herself, she slopped up the mess and tossed the towel in the sink. She finished just when Harmony finished with the salad, and they both walked into the living room together, where Jessie could hear April already chatting away with Kai.

Holding her breath, Jessie took in the sight of him. Smiling politely at April, he was holding a canvas bag in one hand, his other shoved causally in his dark jacket. He was angled in such a way, that his tattooed shoulder blade was facing Jessie. She felt her face flush as she stared at the spot under all those layers of clothes where his ink was hidden away from the world. It gave her a thrill that none of her friends were aware of it, like it was a secret that only she was in on. Then April’s hand came out to that shoulder as she slinked her hand over his body, in no way being discreet about checking him out. Jessie frowned at the obvious move.

Ice flashed through her as she noticed Harmony move past her to walk up to Kai. While April probably wouldn’t think about where, or if, she’d seen Kai before, Harmony might. Jessie anxiously watched her friend’s face, feeling barely on the edge of holding it together. But watching her closely, Harmony only looked curiously interested and politely happy. Her pale eyes took in his face as he twisted to greet her, but those eyes didn’t narrow with suspicion, and her smile widened as she extended her hand and told him her name. His hand came out of his pocket as he relayed his back to her.

Hearing him say his name made Jessie’s fast heart do even stranger things. Swallowing, she struggled to get back her control. Harmony was smiling, April was smiling. They were both small talking with him, asking him how he liked it here so far. Nothing about their stance or appearance looked horrified. Nobody was piecing together anything.

Feeling better, Jessie completed her walk into the room. Kai completely turned to face her as she did. He took a step towards her, like he was going to hug her, but then abruptly stopped, like he suddenly thought that maybe he shouldn’t. Jessie felt her body heat, but only smiled at him. As always, those absorbing eyes took her breath, transported her to a place where only the two of them existed. For a moment, just a fraction of a moment, they were the only two people in the room, maybe even the world.

“Hey,” he finally said to her.

She felt hot to the touch as she watched his eyes drift over her face and then discretely, her body. She prayed that she didn’t look like she was blushing to her friends. She prayed that Kai liked how she looked. “Hey, glad you could make it.”

He cleared his throat, seemingly realizing that he was examining her, and then twisted to take in the house. “This is a nice place. Much better than mine.” Bringing his eyes back to hers, he added, “Thank you for having me.”

Harmony finally noticed the bag in his fingers. “What’s that?” she asked politely, stealing a quick glance at Jessie. Jessie bit her lip that she hadn’t immediately asked him that. Seeing him just sort of took a minute for her to get used to.

Kai grinned at Harmony and reached into the bag. “Well, I wasn’t sure what we were having.” He pulled out a bottle of white wine and handed it to her, then reached back in and grabbed a bottle of red. “So I brought one of each.”

Harmony smiled as she took them. “We were just saying we needed some.” She raised an eyebrow at him and smiled, the warmth in it matching the striking shade of her hair. “You must be psychic.”

Kai glanced down at the floor, looking embarrassed. It was adorable and Jessie watched both of her roommates smile even brighter at him. Shaking his dark head, he reached back in the bag for the final mystery in there. Peeking up at Jessie, he handed her a small bouquet of flowers. Well, he started to hand her a small bouquet of flowers. As soon as April noticed what he was doing, she squealed and snatched them out of his hand.

“Oh, carnations, my favorite.” April beamed as she smelled them, then she gave Kai a swift hug. Kai blinked, looking a little shocked as he loosely held her back.

Jessie frowned, knowing that he’d meant the flowers for her. She couldn’t exactly protest too loudly over that though. It would appear better if he’d brought them for the “house.” As April giggled, Kai shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, it was all they had at the store I went to.” He looked at Jessie after he said it, a clear apology in his eyes that April had snagged her flowers.

Jessie shook her head and gave him a small grin. Maybe it was for the best anyway. He really shouldn’t be bringing her flowers. This wasn’t a date.

April bounced on her toes, clearly delighted at both Kai and his gifts. “I should put these in some water,” she announced brightly. Backing away from him, she pointed to the couch. “Make yourself at home, Kai.”

He nodded at her and slipped his jacket off his shoulders, slinging it over the side of the couch. All three girls took a moment to appreciate the fit body that not even multiple layers of clothing could hide. Giggling as she watched him sit down, his hands clasping together over his knees as he looked around, April grabbed Jessie’s arm and dragged her into the kitchen with her. Lightly laughing at April, Harmony followed them.

Once in the other room, April turned on the water then twisted to look back at Jessie. Her face looked incredulous. In a whisper that Kai wouldn’t hear, she said, “He is hot! Why didn’t you tell me he was hot?”

Jessie shrugged, a flush running through her body. “He’s family. I don’t see him that way.” Even Jessie could feel the lie in her words.

Harmony appeared to as well. “Yeah, sure, Jessie,” she said playfully as she slipped the white wine in the fridge. Setting the red on the counter, she leaned back against it. “My oldest brother may be family, but even I’ll admit he’s good-looking.” She smiled knowingly as she tilted her head back towards Kai in the living room.

Feeling uncomfortable and a little trapped, Jessie reached up for a vase, giving her hands something to do. “Fine,” she muttered, filling the vase with water. “He’s…attractive.”

April snorted as she unwrapped the flowers. “Attractive? He’s downright edible.” Smiling at thoughts that Jessie was sure were lurid, April popped the carnations in the overly full vase. Water seeped out the sides and Jessie sighed.

Well, she supposed that them being attracted to him was preferable to them knowing that he was her one nighter. She’d sort of suspected that April would be interested in him anyway. Shaking her head, she set the flowers on the counter. Carnations were April’s favorite, really? Jessie knew for a fact that that was a lie. April was a classic red rose girl. It was really the only “traditional” thing about her. Jessie had often heard her tell guys that every other flower was just the roses sadder, inferior cousin.

Jessie felt a little like those poor, unappreciated carnations at the moment.

Giggling at the exotic man waiting in their living room, Harmony and April started to head back to him. Jessie stayed where she was, making a show of examining the roast; really she just needed a second to recollect. After they disappeared, April suddenly ducked her head back around the corner. Giving Jessie a playful smile, she whispered, “I’m gonna ask him out. That okay?”

Jessie’s mouth fell open and she sputtered. She had absolutely no reason to not let April date him. She couldn’t tell her close friend that the idea sickened her. She couldn’t tell her friend that she wanted to be the only woman in his life. She couldn’t tell her friend that her stomach hurt, just picturing his hands on her. And she couldn’t tell her friend that earlier this week, a few days after having an incredible one night stand with him, Jessie had told his sleeping body that she was falling for him. And against her earlier thoughts of halting those feelings, Jessie was a little afraid that it was too late, that she’d already fallen.

Not being able to say anything of that, she shut her mouth, smiled as realistically as she could, and shrugged. “Whatever. I don’t really care.”

April giggled and bounded out of the room. Jessie sighed and closed her eyes; they burned with unshed tears. It was for the best anyway.

Giving herself several long moments to slowly count to ten, Jessie straightened, lifted her head up confidently, and strode back into the living room. Her step nearly faltered when she came upon April, sitting as close beside Kai as she could, flirtingly playing with a long strand of her dark hair. For his part, Kai only seemed to be engaged in a friendly conversation with her, not ogling her, as April appeared to want him to.

Kai was sitting on the edge of the couch, with April practically on his hip, so Jessie sat on the smaller couch with Harmony. Jessie’s friends politely asked him questions about his life and his family, but Jessie spaced out, listening to the rise and fall of his voice more than the actual words. Sitting back on her elbow, she rested her head in her palm over the arm of the couch.

She watched the way his lips formed phrases, the way the edges curved up, the way his teeth gleamed when he smiled. Jessie had a sudden mental image of her tongue running along those teeth. So deeply lost in the thoughts that she tried to never have, she let herself run away with them. She stared at him blatantly as he gestured with his hands while telling a story about work. Jessie pictured those hands on her again. Biting her lip, she felt her breath pick up, just a little.

His tropical eyes, eyes that would rival the most fabulous oceans in all the world, flicked a glance at her every now and again. When she bit her lip, they locked right onto the movement. She watched him adjust how he was sitting on the couch and let herself imagine that he was reacting to her. Clearing his throat, he looked away, over to Harmony who’d just asked him a question.

Jessie saw him adjust his posture again and pull his jeans down, just a little bit. She let herself imagine that they were getting tighter. Running a finger down the v-neck of her shirt, she pulled it over slightly to play with her bra strap. Harmony and April were too fascinated with Kai to notice, but his eyes immediately came back to her. Stuttering for a second on his words, he ran a hand through his hair. Not knowing why she was doing it, Jessie let her fingers travel over the cup of her bra, swirl around her nipple. He stopped talking and ran a hand over his jaw. His eyes flashed up to hers and Jessie could see the desire there, burning just slightly under the surface. She adjusted in her seat now, as desire pooled in her too.

Then April set her hand on his thigh, pretty far up it actually, and Kai jumped a little as he turned to look at her. Sudden horror that she’d actually been flirting with her cousin flowed through Jessie. Her hand clenched over her mouth, just in case her stomach decided to heave. God, that was so wrong, on so many levels. She watched his face go through all the conflicting emotions that she was sure hers was going through, as he listened to April tell him some story about her job. Jessie was pretty positive he wasn’t listening to her. Even though his skin really hadn’t changed color, Jessie imagined that he was about ten shades paler.

Standing up suddenly, Jessie found everyone’s attention swinging around to her. “I’m gonna…open the wine for dinner.” A drink, that’s what Jessie needed. A great big drink.

As she quickly walked out of the room, she heard, “I’ll help you.”

She sighed at hearing Kai’s deep voice, knowing that he was going to follow her into the small, private room. At the moment, she didn’t really want to be alone with him, but she couldn’t exactly tell him to not be polite and offer his help. Crossing her fingers, she hoped eager April followed him. As she heard the rustling of April and Harmony moving to sit together, followed by light giggles, Jessie thought that they were unfortunately taking this opportunity to talk about him. And just when she could have used their interference.

She leaned over the counter when she got to the kitchen, not sure what she should be feeling, other than confused. She felt Kai walk in behind her. “Jessie?”

Her name on his lips warmed and horrified her. There was so much love and ache behind the syllables. The feeling he inlaid in the word was wrong; they couldn’t be like that. She twisted around to face him, feeling those tears again. “Cousin?” he whispered, his eyes sad as he looked her over.

Those tears in Jessie’s eyes built up to a level that she couldn’t sustain, sliding down her cheek. He walked up to her immediately, his hand coming up to brush off the water betraying her turmoil. “When does it get easier, Kai?” she whispered, her eyes searching his face.

He sighed and dropped his hand, staying close in front of her, but careful not to touch her. “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Someday?”

Jessie hung her head, her forehead just reaching his chest. Kai stepped in, enclosing his arms around her in a warm embrace. Knowing they shouldn’t, she slung her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against him. They both exhaled simultaneously.

Kai’s hand came up to rub her back and his lips placed a tender kiss on her head. She snuggled close into his arms, burying her head in the space under his jaw. Feeling a warmth and safety that she knew wasn’t appropriate, she felt another tear fall from her eye.

Listening to their quiet heartbeats and the girls giggling in the next room, Jessie whispered, “April is going to ask you out after dinner.” She pulled her head out of his embrace. Searching his face, Jessie pierced her own heart. “I want you to say yes. I want you to go out with her.”

Kai’s eyes widened and he started to shake his head. Jessie waited with a blank face, her heart so torn she couldn’t even fake a reassuring smile. Kai opened and closed his mouth, his eyes looking as if he could find a different solution to their problems by simply wishing for it. It would be so easy, if they could stop being attracted to each other. If she could stop this feeling in her chest from growing with each and every moment that she spent with him. Maybe April diverting some of that time away from Jessie would be exactly what they both needed, to sever this deep connection that they already had.

Because, as nice as it felt sometimes, the depth of feeling that she had for him was wrong. Wanting his arms to always stay around her was wrong. Wanting him to lean down and place those full lips to hers was wrong. Wanting him to tell her that he couldn’t see April, because he was madly in love with her…was wrong.

Kai closed his mouth as he looked between her eyes. His face changed as Jessie stared at him, some decision having been reached while he’d silently debated with himself. Softly sighing, he slumped a little in her arms. “Okay…cousin.”

Chapter   11

Promise Made, Promise Kept

Kai watched Jessie as discretely as he could over dinner. She smiled warmly and talked with everyone companionably, but Kai could see the moisture in her eyes, the tightness in her jaw. She was torn, she was hurting. And despite the fact that he could see the effect that her decision had made on her, Kai knew without a doubt that she was torn, simply because he himself felt torn. He was sure that on this point, they were both feeling the exact same way.

As Jessie gave him a sideways glance before locking her eyes to her plate, Kai sighed and looked over at her roommate, April. She was definitely beautiful. Long, sleek, black hair, dark, slanted eyes, full lips, beautiful skin tone, lean body, and a general attitude of confidence. But…Kai really didn’t want to date her. Honestly, he really didn’t want to date anyone. He just had too much going on right now. Well, no…if he were going to be truly honest, there was one girl he would gladly date, if she was a possibility. But, she wasn’t.

He nodded as he listened to a story the flirtatious woman was telling. April was sitting next to him at the table, across from Harmony and Jessie, and her hand had snuck down to rest on his thigh. Knowing that she had the intention of asking him out later, and knowing that Jessie wanted him to go, he let her leave her hand there.

Picking at his food, Kai made polite conversation with the group. He wondered if maybe Jessie was right. Maybe, with whatever was building between the two, it would be better if he distracted himself with a little female company. And Jessie liked April, otherwise she wouldn’t have okayed him being with her. Maybe him seeing someone that Jessie approved of, would ease the transition.

He watched Jessie stick a piece of roast into her mouth, her tongue flashing down to swipe away the sauce. Sighing forlornly, he wished he could feel her lips again, just once, even though it was wrong, really wrong. Her eyes met his and he focused on his plate. He shouldn’t think that. It wasn’t helping anything for him to allow his thoughts to keep going down that path.

Popping some roast into his mouth, he smiled. He loved roast, it reminded him of lazy Sunday afternoons at his mom’s place. He slightly shook his head, wondering how Jessie just always seemed to “get” him. He never really had to tell her what he liked, or what he needed. She just seemed to instinctively know. She was amazing.

Clearing his throat during a lull in the conversation, he looked up at her. “This is great, Jessie. Thank you.”

Jessie looked up and met his eye, her face flushing a little. “Thank you,” she said quietly.  Shaking her head and glancing quick flashes at her roommates, she quickly added. “I had help.” She pointed to Harmony. “Harm made the salad.”

The lightly freckled girl smiled, a dark red lock of hair falling over her shoulder as she did. Kai smiled at her, knowing that Jessie was deflecting his compliment, trying to keep some space between them. Mentally cursing himself, he vowed to try and do the same. “Well, it’s great, thank you.”

April beside him frowned and dragged her fork over her plate. “I…offered,” she muttered, pouting in such an adorable way that Kai had to smile at her.

Wanting to do the right thing, the thing that his cousin had asked him to do, he fortified his stomach and reached his hand under the table, resting his palm over April’s on his thigh. She visibly brightened, twisting her hand to lace their fingers together. Kai kept eye contact with her, ignoring the burning sensation of Jessie watching them. He knew that she couldn’t see their hands unless she looked under the table, but he still felt really odd flirting right in front of her. He’d really only meant to make brief contact with April, to let her know that he wouldn’t reject her offer later, but she had latched onto his gesture and had a firm hold on him now.

Forcing a smile, he politely said, “I’m sure you helped in other ways.”

She giggled adorably, bumping into his side. Kai heard Jessie sigh, but when he pulled his eyes from the Asian beauty beside him to look over at her, she was studying the remnants of food on her plate. Kai quietly resumed eating, his appetite completely gone.

After the meal, Harmony whisked away the dishes and the foursome polished off the second bottle of wine. Relaxing back in his chair, Kai watched Jessie relentlessly. He wished he could talk to her, really make sure she was okay with this, but he didn’t see how he could get away from April now. She still had a firm hold of his hand as she sipped her drink, and she’d started leaning into his side, her cheeks flushed with the alcohol in the wine.

When Harmony had cleared away their plates, she’d noticed their hands under the table. She’d given him a knowing grin at that point, shaking her head, like she’d known that April would get her way by the end of the night. Kai had had to resist the urge to tell the woman that he was only doing what he’d been asked to do. His heart wasn’t really in it. Thinking of where his heart really was, he sighed and thought about calling it a night.

Jessie appeared to have the same thoughts. Standing, she made a show of yawning and stretching. “Well, I should turn in. You’re welcome to stay, Kai, if you…”

Her voice trailed off as her new, taller angle, allowed her to see Kai and April’s hands still laced together. Kai had the strangest desire to rip his hand away from April. He had never really intended to keep the contact going for so long, but if he yanked his hand away now, it would be entirely too obvious why. Jessie’s eyes were wide when they lifted to his; they watered a little before her face softened. She looked heartbroken and relieved, all at once. Kai wanted to apologize, wanted to tell her that he didn’t really want this…that he’d rather hold her hand. But he knew he couldn’t say that. Jessie knew it too and said nothing about the flirting. Giving him a soft smile, she only said, “You can stay as long as you like. My home is your home, Kai.”

Her tone when she said it…well, it was the most loving thing he’d ever heard anyone say to him. Not able to stand it, he stood up, finally breaking the contact. Making a show of walking over to her in a friendly manner, he grinned as brightly as he could. “Well, again, thank you for dinner, Jessie.” As he stepped in front of her, his arms went around her. He hadn’t felt like a greeting hug was normal, but surely a goodnight hug wouldn’t raise suspicion.

Her arms came up, loosely at first, and then exceedingly tight. Angling his head away from the other two girls, Kai closed his eyes, letting the pain and longing fill him. Inhaling the scent of her, strands of her perfect locks brushing his face, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

He felt her nod, her body lightly shaking as she contained the emotion that had to be running rampant through her; Kai knew it was in him. Their hug was starting to get inappropriately long, so Kai forced himself to take a step back. “Goodnight, Jessie,” he said softly, hoping the ache he felt inside wasn’t evident in his voice.

He wanted nothing more than to pull her back into his arms, squeeze her tight and never let her go. But he had to maintain the appearance of distance. He needed to look like he cared for her, without overly caring for her. It was an odd, fine line. Putting his hands in his back pockets, to resist the temptation to touch her, he smiled and took another step back.

Her eyes were noticeably wet, and she blinked a few times to bring them back to even. Smiling warmly at him, she nodded. “Goodnight, Kai.” Her eyes flicked over to April, who was taking Kai’s absence to check her makeup in a mirror next to the dining room table. Kai sighed, thinking Jessie’s natural look tonight, was ten times what April’s done up face was.

Jessie’s eyes swept back to him. “I hope the rest of your evening goes well.” She smiled sadly and Kai dug his fingers into his jeans to not hold her again.

She waved goodnight to her friends and then walked down the hallway that must have led to her bedroom. Kai heard her door softly close and was one hundred percent certain that she was crying behind it. The thought killed him.

Just as he was about to rush in there and tell her that he couldn’t do this, Harmony stood and stuck her hand out. “Well, it was very nice to finally meet you, Kai.”

Shoving his torn heart to the back of his mind, he shook her hand. “You too.”

As their hands shook, Harmony inspected him curiously. Kai felt heat rush to his cheeks. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem so familiar to me.” She shook her head. “Have we met before?”

Kai made himself laugh as they pulled apart. “Ever been to Hawaii?” he asked playfully. His heart was pounding while he waited for the pieces to snap into place for her, waited for her to remember that she’d seen him at the club…with Jessie.

Luckily, she didn’t.

“No,” She shook her head, disregarding her own memory. “I must be mixing you up with somebody else.” Yawning, she waved a goodbye at him and April. She had a playful smirk on her face as she left him alone with the last roommate.

Kai closed his eyes briefly as he heard April stand up at the table. He thought to quickly tell her goodnight and say that he’d call her sometime, but she was apparently more forward than that. Before he could turn around, she came up behind him, resting her hands lightly on his back. Even though he didn’t want to, his body reacted a little to that, just a light flush of warmth.  She ran a hand along his stomach as she stepped to his side. “Want to sit with me on the couch?”

She raised her eyebrows, and Kai wondered again if he should end this right now. “Um, sure, just for a minute. I really should get going soon.”

She giggled, running her hand along his arm until she grabbed his fingers. Walking them over to the couch, she sat down and patted the cushion next to her. She’d fixed her legs in such a way, that there was only a small space on the side of the couch that she’d indicated; he’d be sitting right against her. Kai contained a sigh. This was for Jessie. This was what she wanted.

He sat, smiling as he leaned over his legs, as far from her as he could politely get without being too obvious. That didn’t work like he’d planned; she simply took the invitation of his open back to rest a palm on his spine. She gently rubbed him, and he hated that his body reacted to that too. He didn’t want to be attracted to this woman, but she was beautiful and he couldn’t help the instinct to want to have a beautiful woman rubbing against him.

Feeling more torn than how he’d started out the evening, he nervously ran a hand through his hair, giving her a semi-smile. April tilted her head as she examined him. “Do I make you nervous?” she asked, her voice husky.

Kai swallowed. “Yes, actually.” For more reasons than she realized.

Laughing lowly, she shifted towards him, and she was already pretty close. “You don’t have anything to worry about, I’m not scary.” Her hand ran up his back, over his tattoo. Kai remembered Jessie’s hands on his tattoo, and straightened so April’s hand would drop. It did, but now her side was completely pressed against his. Gazing up at him, she ran a hand back through his hair. “Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked coyly.

Kai’s eyes instinctually swept over her face, flicking down to her lips. “Yes,” he whispered, finally feeling truthful. That was something he couldn’t deny, even to himself. April was very pretty. Different than Jessie pretty, but still, very pretty.

She smiled wider, biting her lip. Kai stared at the plump skin, a little mesmerized. “Would you like to take me out sometime?”

Kai swallowed, hating what he was about to say, but knowing he’d given his word. “I think I’d like that.” He forced himself to smile. April’s eyes flicked down to his mouth when he did. She stared at his lips as he stared at hers. Against his will, Kai felt his breath increase and his heart start to quicken in anticipation. He didn’t want to kiss her, not really, but…

Still smiling, she leaned into him. “Alright then,” she whispered, her breath light on his face.

Kai held his, not knowing what he should do, what Jessie really wanted him to do. April’s lips brushed over his, but didn’t press against them. Instead, they dragged over to his cheek and she placed a soft kiss there. He closed his eyes at the tease, hating that he liked it, feeling like he was betraying Jessie by even sitting here. But he wasn’t…she was family, only family.

Her long kiss on his cheek finally ending, she pulled away. “Call me?” She rattled off her cell number and Kai found himself eagerly nodding. He nearly wanted to pull her back in for a real kiss. Nearly.

She stood, giving him a seductive grin, and he stood as well. Kai pictured her leading him to her bedroom with the heat in her eyes, but instead, she grabbed his coat off the couch and led him to the door. Feeling breathless and confused, he walked through it when she opened it.

April leaned against the door, arching her back against it. “Call me soon. I’m very impatient.” Kai nodded and leaned in. He wasn’t sure why. Was he leaning in for a hug, or another kiss? Before he could think too much about it, she cupped his cheek and obliged him, pressing those full lips so briefly to his, it nearly didn’t happen. He gasped as she pulled away.

“It was very nice to meet you, Kai,” she whispered, and then slowly closed the door.

Feeling dazed and a little dumbfounded, Kai walked back to his bike. It was only then that Kai realized he’d never gotten the chance to show Jessie what he’d really bought for her, aside from the flowers that April had snatched. Walking up to the back of his bike, he placed his hand on a second helmet strapped over the rear seat. He’d picked it up today with the idea that he could take her for a ride sometime, maybe even tonight. But the night had deviated in a way he hadn’t expected, and now, instead of doing something nice for his cousin, some small way to repay her for her kindness, he was about to be put a horrid gap between them by going out with her roommate.

Kai hung his head as he swung his leg over the bike. But that was what Jessie wanted, what she needed, to break whatever was happening between them. It hurt his heart to do it…and that was exactly why he had to. He and Jessie couldn’t let this thing enter their relationship. They were family, no more.

Starting his bike, he twisted around to watch the windows of the charming house Jessie lived in. Popping his helmet on, he noticed one curtain in a window held back, an outline of a body in the dark room watching him. He knew it was Jessie and he stared back at the form. With his expression hidden under the helmet, he let his grief show. Shaking his head, he told her that he was sorry, that he never wanted to hurt her tonight, and that he really didn’t want to see April, that he’d rather see her.

Revving the bike, his voice hidden under its growl and the visor over his mouth, he quietly told her, “I’ll do what you asked, Jessie, but I think it’s too late. I think I’m falling for you.”

With those words tumbling around his head, he shifted back to the front of his bike and sped away.

*****************

Jessie watched the red lights of Kai’s bike speed away. A tear dropped to her cheek as she swallowed roughly, memorizing the image of him propped on his bike, clearly staring at her watching him in her dark bedroom. He’d shaken his head and stared at her for ages. She couldn’t tell anything, but from the tension in his body, she was sure he’d been speaking to her. Maybe apologizing again for the way the evening had gone.

Jessie dropped her hand from holding back the curtain, letting it swish back down into place, the white eyelets seeming to blink at her as a streetlamp outside flashed through them.  More tears fell down her cheeks as she replayed dinner, both before and after:  her inappropriate moment with Kai, her decision to sort of force him into moving forward, his reluctant agreeance.

Sighing, she walked around to sit on her bed. It sure hadn’t taken him long to jump on the April-train. She recalled her horror at seeing them flirting. But really, she couldn’t be angry with him for that. He was only doing what she’d asked him to. She wanted him to move forward and April was a good choice for him, for now. She would be fun for him to date, nothing too serious or committing. April was a good time, simple and uncomplicated; so unlike what they had.

Taking off her shoes, she rubbed her aching feet. Jessie couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between them after she’d disappeared. She didn’t want to think about it, but she knew her flirtatious roommate well, and knew that she’d most likely had her hands all over him. It was just the way she was - comfortable, confident, and sexy as all get out. Kai would have been helpless against her. Especially since he’d probably felt obligated to Jessie to hang out with her. Great.

Jessie sighed and dropped her head in her hands. It hurt so much, but she had to get past this. If they could get past this feeling, then their relationship could be normal. April would unknowingly help them both get through this. But, in the meantime, it was going to burn.

With horrid images of April’s hands and mouth all over that beautiful body, Jessie undressed for bed.  She couldn’t stop wondering when their first date was set for. She couldn’t stop wondering if it would go well. Then she couldn’t stop wondering how well it would go. She knew from experience that both Kai and April wouldn’t be opposed to going all the way, if they felt the right connections. She wasn’t sure about Kai, but she was pretty sure April would feel the connection. How could she not? Kai was amazing.

Slipping her pajamas on, she exhaled brokenly. After Kai and April started dating, he’d be around a lot more, which was good, but their PDA would step up more too, which was not so good. Jessie wasn’t sure if she could handle them holding hands and sappily kissing all the time. As she stepped from her room, heading for the bathroom, she wondered if maybe she should find someone too. Maybe it would be easier, if she wasn’t alone, if she had someone to hold hands with and kiss sappily. Maybe they could even double date.

Jessie frowned, hating the very idea.

She stumbled into April as she was exiting the only bathroom in the house. “Oh, hey, Jessie. You okay?” Jessie apparently still had a frown on her face.

Sighing, Jessie slapped on a tired smile. “Yeah, of course.” She faked a yawn. “Just tired.”

April scanned her face, seeming concerned. “Oh…you look like you’ve been crying?”

Jessie sighed, wishing for once that girls were as oblivious of bloodshot eyes as boys could be. “I had an itch, scrubbed too hard. Damn wine,” she muttered.

April scanned her face for a moment then grinned. “Huh, that’s funny. My big toe itches when I drink wine.” She giggled as she let Jessie pass around her to get into the small room. With April still watching her from the door, Jessie quietly prepared her toothbrush, not really wanting to talk. April apparently did though.

She sighed, a little dreamily. “God, your cousin is good looking.” She bit her lip, leaning back on the doorframe. “And sweet…he was almost shy with me.” She giggled again, her face clearly reminiscing. “He told me that I made him nervous.” She met eyes with Jessie in the mirror. “Isn’t that cute?”

Feeling sick to her stomach, Jessie nodded and began vigorously brushing her teeth. April sighed again. Her voice oddly serious, she quietly said, “He seems different than the guys I usually go for. More than just a pretty face.” She twirled a lock of her perfect hair as she thought about the man Jessie routinely thought about. “I think I could genuinely like him, you know?”  Her face turned just as serious as her voice as she held Jessie’s gaze. “Like really like him, like a serious thing.”

Jessie rinsed out her mouth and swallowed, the mint of her toothpaste doing horrible things to her already upset stomach. She’d never anticipated April falling for him. April never fell for anybody. But Jessie didn’t see how they couldn’t hit it off. Kai was just too…Kai. April falling for him was almost a given. Why hadn’t Jessie considered that before she threw him at her? But…maybe…it was for the greater good. It’s not like she and Kai could hold out for each other. There was nothing there that could ever happen. They wouldn’t wake up one day and suddenly not be family.

April tilted her face as she studied Jessie’s reaction. Her brows narrowed in concern. “Are you sure you’re okay with me dating him?”

Jessie swallowed again. It was a trap question. If she said no, she’d damage their friendship. If she said yes…her horrid thoughts of them together would happen, right in front of her face. Throwing on a smile, Jessie faked the most nonchalant voice she could. “Of course, you guys could be great together. Maybe you’ll even be soul mates.” Forcing herself, she raised her eyebrows. She hated the lie…but what choice did she have?

April seemed genuinely thrilled by the idea; she even squealed a little. “Oh, I hope so. I hope he calls soon!” With that, she spun on her booted heel and actually skipped to her bedroom. Jessie sighed and closed her eyes. What on earth had she just done?

The next morning, Jessie purposely slept in. She didn’t want to deal with what had happened last night. She didn’t want to see the excited, elated look on April’s face. Just hearing her chipper voice through the walls was bad enough. As she lay in bed, staring at her ceiling, she could hear her cousin’s name mentioned more than once.  She could hear April and Harmony discuss how sweet and charming he appeared to be. Then, of course, April shifted to his prowess.

“God, I bet he’s a stallion in the bedroom.” She giggled and Harmony laughed with her. Jessie’s stomach clenched. He was…and she never wanted April to discover that fact.

Harmony added, “Yeah, he seems like the type that would be very…attentive.”

Jessie rubbed her eyes, wishing she could block out the memory of just how attentive a lover Kai was. She wished she could block her ears too, but almost stubbornly, she kept listening to her girlfriends in the living room.

April groaned at Harmony’s last comment. “God, I know. He’s got to be the type that is willing to go that extra distance.” She laughed. “Makes sure the woman has a least one good one before he’s done.” Jessie’s hands went to her stomach, remembering just how good hers had been…both of them. She tried to not feel ill at the thought.

Harmony laughed at April’s comment. “Well, if you’re planning on dating him, I’m sure you’ll find out before too long.” Jessie sighed, her stomach feeling even worse.

April seemed a little offended by that though. “Are you saying I’m easy?”

Harmony only laughed. “Hey, I’m only going by past boyfriends that you’ve dated. Have you ever gone past three dates?” Jessie bit her lip, already knowing the answer to that. April was very…descriptive of her good dates.

April was silent a second and then laughed. “Okay, yeah, you have a point.” She groaned again. “God, he’s so hot. Just picturing that man naked underneath me, good lord, I need a cool shower right now.”

Jessie’s stomach twisted painfully, but her mind went back to that naked body writhing underneath her. The passionate look on his face, the heated breaths, the thrusting hips, the way he’d used all of his body to make her explode. Thinking about it made a rush of desire go through Jessie, her breath even quickened at the memory.

Harmony, shushed April. “Quiet, that’s Jessie’s cousin you’re talking about. I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about you and Kai having sex.” Both girls giggled and their voices dropped to a level that Jessie couldn’t hear anymore.

Jessie closed her eyes, her mind replaying their night together. As wrong as it was, she let herself relive every erotic thing that they’d done. She generally tried to not think about it, but April had shoved the memories at her and she couldn’t hold them back. Her body started reacting to her thoughts, an ache creeping through her core at remembering his size and length rubbing inside of her.  Biting her lip, her hands on her stomach twisted her shirt. She shouldn’t think about him that way. She definitely shouldn’t live out the fantasy, pretending her hands were his and relieving the ache growing every long second that she thought about his hard body. It was so wrong. She couldn’t let herself go there. Even still, she stirred restlessly in her sheets, her hands running down her hips.

That was when the doorbell rang.

Shock sent ice through her body, dousing any fire she’d felt. Disgust at where her mind had shifted filled her. God, she could not give in to fantasies about Kai. It was so…

Amid her disgust, she heard April exclaim loudly, “Kai! It’s so good to see you again.”

She sat upright in bed, her breath still fast. Kai was here? Again? Looking over at the alarm clock on her nightstand, she saw that she’d let herself sleep in past eleven. Hearing an excited April leading him into the house, she glanced down at herself; she was a mess, and seriously needed a shower before Kai saw her like this. Jessie could hear his deep voice responding to April as he walked into the living room, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Standing and wishing her heart and breath would calm down, Jessie cracked her door open.

She could see him with his back to her, talking with April and Harmony casually, like he’d known them for years and not just a day. Harmony was still seated on a couch, looking up at him with polite interest. April was practically attached to his hip, her hand on his arm. Jessie started tiptoeing across the hall to the bathroom, thinking to sneak in a quick shower before he noticed her. April laughed at something he’d said and her fingers on his arm traveled seductively down the length of it, ending at his hand. Jessie paused, hating the intimate contact.

Almost like he knew she was watching, Kai turned his head and looked down the hallway. The smile on his face lifted when he saw her and his hand released from April’s. Her roommate frowned and followed his gaze to Jessie. Feeling dirty and grimy and in need of some refreshing cool water, Jessie awkwardly pointed to the bathroom door. “I’m just gonna… I need…” She sighed. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Kai was nodding when she flew into the bathroom and nearly slammed the door shut.  She bit her lip again. If he knew what she’d been thinking just as he’d been arriving…? Well, actually, she wasn’t entirely sure how he’d feel about it. Probably just as conflicted as she felt about it. But, probably just as turned on by it too. Just another checkmark in the Kai-should-date-April column. They needed to end this attraction.

With the thought of April out there “entertaining” Kai, Jessie took the fastest shower she’d ever taken in her life. Leaving the water barely above a warm temperature, it was also the coldest shower she’d ever taken in her life. The chill helped her regain her focus. With her inappropriate thoughts of her cousin securely locked away in the farthest corner of her mind, never to be looked at again, she scrubbed her hair until the water droplets stopped falling from it.

Running her fingers through her damp curls, knowing they were going to frizz out horribly when they dried, she dashed across the hall to her bedroom, dressing equally as fast. All in all, she’d only taken about fifteen minutes, but the thought of April flirting mercilessly with him for that long left a frenzied feeling in Jessie’s stomach. One she knew she’d have to deal with eventually, but not today. As she slipped on some comfortable shoes, she wondered what Kai was doing back here so soon. Surely he could have called April to make arrangements with her.

Cautiously peeking her head out the door, Jessie could hear light laughter trickle back to her. She recognized it as both April’s and Harmony’s and was momentarily elated that her best friend was still here. At least April would keep the PDA to a minimum with Harmony also in the room.

Trying to feel a calm that she really didn’t, Jessie lifted her chin and walked out to join the group sitting on the couch. Kai was talking with Harmony, a light smile on his face, and twisted to look over at Jessie when she entered. A warm smile crept onto Jessie’s face at seeing him. Even after all the drama of dinner last night, he never failed to bring a smile to her lips. Then April casually slipped her hand on his knee. Feeling very proud of herself, Jessie managed to keep a neutral face, only frowning internally.

Kai stood, April’s hand causally slipping off of him as he did. With April leaning back on the couch, openly admiring his backside, Kai stepped up to Jessie. “Hey, sorry to barge in on you again…after last night.” The smile on his face faltered a little before slipping back on. Searching those beautiful blue-green eyes, Jessie was fairly certain that he was forcing himself to be as calm and collected as she was being.

Jessie smiled reassuringly. They had to get through the awkwardness if they were ever going to truly be family. “Not a problem. Lord knows I’ve done it to you several times already.” Jessie laughed a little, remembering how her barging in on him usually involved him being shirtless.

He grinned wider at hearing her laugh. Slinking his hands in his back pockets, which Jessie noticed made April’s admiring eyes widen, along with her seductive smile, Kai nodded his head at the door. “Sorry, I just never got a chance to show you something I got for you yesterday.”

Intrigued, Jessie looked out the front window. All she saw was Kai’s sporty, red motorcycle. “Oh, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Jessie said, surprised that he would do something nice for her.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Are you kidding, after everything you’ve done for me? I owe you…a lot.” The way he said those two words drew Jessie’s attention back to him. The look in his eyes matched his voice and Jessie allowed herself a few seconds to get lost in them, before remembering that they weren’t alone.

Flicking her eyes behind Kai, she breathed a quick exhale of relief that April was biting her lip, still staring at his assets; she’d completely missed that tender exchange. Shifting to Harmony, she was met with a pair of curious, pale eyes. Harmony hadn’t missed the softness of the moment. Jessie smiled quickly at her friend, hoping her casualness threw her off whatever track she may have gotten herself on. Harmony smiled back, looking none the wiser.

All of that only taking a second or two, Jessie shifted her attention back to Kai. “Are you giving me your bike?” she asked playfully.

Kai blinked at her sudden playfulness. Jessie knew she was faking it for her friends and hoped Kai played along. He broke out into a laugh, shaking his head. “Nice try, but, no.” Taking a step away from the couch, he glanced back at Harmony and April, watching. April’s eyes reluctantly went back up to his face as he looked at them. “Mind if I borrow your roommate for awhile?” He nodded his head at Jessie.

Harmony laughed and shrugged. “Just bring her back in one piece.”

April sighed and pouted, obliviously wanting to be the one being confiscated.  “I guess…”

Kai grinned and looked back at Jessie. “Want to go out to lunch with me?” The look in his eye spoke volumes to Jessie. Her friends couldn’t see it from their angle, but there was almost a pleading quality there, like he knew he shouldn’t be here, at her house, asking her to drive off with him, but…he couldn’t stop himself either.

Jessie sighed softly, knowing she shouldn’t say yes. He was supposed to be moving closer to April, not her. Wanting to tell him that she was too busy today, that he should take April instead, Jessie found herself shrugging and saying, “Sure, sounds like fun.” She just couldn’t tell Kai no.

He smiled broadly at her, looking very relieved. Eying the light shirt she was wearing, he glanced out the window. “You may want to dress a little warmer.” He shivered under his layered clothes and thick jacket and Jessie grinned. She hadn’t been outside yet, but she was pretty sure it was mid-fifties at least, thankfully dry after the earlier storms, not nearly as cold as Kai thought it was. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep the heat up in my truck.”

Kai rocked back on his heels and chuckled at her. “We’re not taking your truck.”

He winked at her, and Jessie felt her heart surge a little. Then what he said sunk in and she glanced outside at his suddenly frail seeming bike. She’d never been on a bike before. Personally, she thought they were death traps. Her eyes widened at the thought of zipping down the road on one, the concrete flying by just a few inches below their toes. Her wide eyes came back to his amused face. “Your bike? But…we’ll be cold?”

Kai grinned at her, admittedly, dumb objection. “Which is why you should dress warmer,” he said with a soft smile.

Jessie cringed, knowing Kai would be colder than her, even whipping through the wind on a bike. That wasn’t really her objection anyway. Seeing her reluctance, April finally piped up from the couch. “Hey, if she’s too scared, I’ll go to lunch with you, Kai?”

Jessie tossed April a quick glare, more at her trying to snag her afternoon with Kai than her comment, although, she hoped April didn’t realized that. Hoping to throw her off that thought, if she hadn’t gotten there yet, Jessie calmly said, “I’m not scared.”

Kai shifted his stance as he watched her, his eyes amused at her reluctance, and also looking a little worried. Maybe he was wondering if she just didn’t want to spend time alone with him anymore. Not wanting him to think that, Jessie smiled at him. “I’ll just layer up, then we can go.”

He smiled brilliantly, relieved again. “Great.”

Jessie darted to her room to add more layers and a jacket to her outfit. As she was slipping the fluffy outwear on, Harmony lightly knocked on her open door frame. “Hey, you got a minute?” she asked softly.

Jessie tensed, but slapped a smile on her face. Oddly, her first thought with Harmony entering her room was, Kai’s alone with April now. She shook her head to knock that thought away. They were going to be very alone when they started dating. She’d have to get used to it sooner or later. Smiling as realistically as she could, Jessie said “Sure, what’s up?”

Harmony leaned against the door frame. She glanced back down the hall to the living room, and then shifted her attention back to Jessie. “Everything okay?”

Jessie paused in zipping up her jacket. Had Harmony noticed something? Shaking her head, Jessie smiled brighter. “Everything’s fine, Harm. Why?” Jessie resisted the urge to cross her fingers.

Harmony narrowed her eyes at Jessie, then glanced back at where Kai was. Sighing, she swung her eyes into the room again. “Nothing, it’s just been weeks since…the breakup, and I like to check in with you every once and awhile.” She gave Jessie a halfhearted smile, like she felt bad for bringing it up.

Jessie smiled truthfully. “I’m so over Jeremy, Harm. No worries there.” She walked over to her friend, placing a hand on her arm. “Thank you though, for being concerned for me.”

Harmony rolled her eyes as they started walking back down the hall. “Of course I ‘m concerned about you. With all your family but Grams gone, it’s up to me to bug you about men.” She grinned and laughed a little.

Jessie laughed with her, then stopped when she saw April and Kai talking, Kai keeping a respectful distance from the provocative woman. In a whisper, Jessie unintentionally added, “I’m not alone…Kai’s here.”

Jessie smiled when he twisted to look at her. He smiled back, and even through their distance, Jessie felt the warmth between them. Harmony was silent for a moment then said, “Sure…but…you can’t date him. Maybe you should try and find your Ricardo.” Harmony laughed as she said the name, so Jessie knew that she was teasing her.

Her face flushing from her comment about Kai, Jessie smacked her best friend across the arm. Little did Harmony know that she actually had found her Ricardo…and Harmony was right, she couldn’t date him.

Ignoring the sadness in that, and Harmony’s bellyaching at being smacked, she walked up to Kai’s curious eyes; he’d seen her hit her friend. “Okay,” Jessie sighed dramatically, “I’m ready.

Kai smiled and laughed at her reluctance. “Let’s hit the road then.” His eyes twinkled playfully. It was astoundingly attractive and Jessie felt her heart surge for more reasons than just the fear of piggybacking on a motorcycle.

Ignoring it, she groaned again. “Oh, we’re not literally going to hit the road, are we?” She gave him a raised eyebrow, her face twisting nervously.

Kai sighed, his hand coming up to grab her upper arm lightly. Jessie felt the heat of the touch, even through her padded jacket. “Would I let you down, Jessie?” His eyes searched her face and Jessie could have sworn he wasn’t really talking about dumping her on his bike.

Gazing up at him, she shook her head. “No,” she whispered.

He smiled softly, his hand drifting down her arm. His fingers passed over hers and Jessie had to stop herself from grabbing his hand. As one, they both looked back at her roommates. “Have a good afternoon, ladies,” Kai said politely.

Harmony smiled brightly and told them to have fun. April pouted, then smiled seductively at Kai. Walking right up to him, close enough that Jessie had to take a step back, April cupped his cheek. “See you Saturday night, Kai,” she said breathily. Jessie cringed that they’d made plans while she’d been getting ready. But Jessie gaped at what April did next. In an all too obvious maneuver, she leaned up to his mouth; she was going to kiss him, right in front of Jessie.

Kai’s eyes widened a little, but he didn’t pull away. Jessie’s eyes widened, but she couldn’t stop watching. April lightly pressed her lips to his, enclosing them in a soft kiss. Jessie knew that her friend was forward, but she kind of thought that April would at least hold out until they’d gone on a date before feeling comfortable enough to casually kiss him goodbye. Although, it was really more of a peck than a full-on kiss. Even still, Kai’s eyes half-closed and he seemed affected by it when she pulled away.

Jessie finally looked away, walking past Kai to the front door. She could hear Kai murmur goodbye and then hurriedly follow her out the door. Jessie felt the tears stinging, but pushed them back. He should be with April, they made sense together. She shouldn’t be negatively affected by seeing them kiss. She couldn’t kiss Kai, April could. And Kai deserved to be kissed, deserved to be loved, in that way.

But still…that didn’t mean she liked watching it.

Chapter   12

A Taste of Heaven

Kai wasn’t sure what he was doing, showing up at Jessie’s place the day after they’d sort of decided to go their separate ways. But not really. They’d never truly go separate ways, not with what they meant to each other. And not with the fact that they were family. That would never change. Even if the feelings brewing were hard and confusing, they would eventually fade, and the family ties would be all that was left.

As he watched Jessie walk out to his bike in front of him, he wondered how she really felt about the whole April thing. She couldn’t have liked her kissing him. Even if Jessie was only mildly attracted to him, she probably hadn’t liked watching it. Kai wished he’d had the fortitude to pull away, but her roommate was alluring, in her own way. Plus, if he’d pulled back, it would ruin the perception that he was open to a relationship with her. He couldn’t send April mixed signals before they’d even had their first date. Not when Jessie had asked him to try. And he was. He was trying. For her, he was trying.

He smiled as Jessie stopped at the back of his bike, looking unsure of what to do. Regardless of that awkward situation, he was very glad that she’d said yes. Kai missed being alone with his cousin, and he wanted her to share in something that was important and soothing to him. He wanted them to be closer…even if, in some ways, they had to be even farther apart.

She sighed at him and frowned. Kai frowned too, hoping that she wasn’t too upset about the kiss. Her eyes flicked over him, brown, warm, and beautiful. Biting her lip, she looked about to say something, but then she stopped herself and shook her head. With a quick exhale, she asked, “Where are we going?”

Kai was pretty sure that wasn’t what she’d originally been about to say. He thought to bring up the brief kiss, thought to ask her if she was okay with it, but really, she either was, which would hurt Kai, or she wasn’t, which would hurt her. There really was no easy way around the pain of this forced space between them, and she didn’t seem to want to comment on it, so Kai didn’t either. Instead, he stepped up to the back, unstrapped the second helmet, a bright red one, and handed it to her. “I thought I’d show you where I spend my days.”

She smiled as she grabbed the helmet. “Your work? Really?”

Kai smiled softly and nodded while she stared at him, surprise and happiness apparent on her face. She broke away from his eyes to glance down at the helmet in her hands, looking like she wasn’t sure just what to do with it. Kai grinned and helped her slip it on, fastening the belt under her chin. Once she had it on, Kai watched her eyes through the open visor. She was smiling until she seemed to register something that he’d told her earlier, then her brow furrowed adorably. “Did you buy the helmet…for me? Is this what you got for me?”

Smiling, he nodded. “Yeah, I thought you might like riding with me…sometimes.”

Jessie shook her helmeted head. “Oh, well, thank you, Kai.” She glanced down at the bike uneasily. “Once this stops terrifying me, I think I’ll appreciate that.”

Kai laughed and flipped down her visor. “Just hold on tight. I got you, cousin.” Casually swinging his leg over his bike, he felt perfectly at ease on the molded leather. Jessie hesitated at his side and Kai wasn’t sure if she was still nervous about being on a bike, or nervous about being with him. He hoped it was only the bike.

He patted the raised section of the seat behind him, where a passenger could easily fit. Jessie seemed to slump down a little before she awkwardly climbed on behind him. Kai held the bike as still as he could as she jerked her way into her spot. Smiling, he twisted his body to look at her once she was in place.

Rigidly upright, she sat with her hands resting on her thighs. He couldn’t see her face through the visor, but Kai was pretty sure she was worrying her lip. Speaking loud enough that she could hear him through the helmets, he gave her some last minute instructions, since she’d never been on a bike before.

“Just hold onto me tight.” He indicated his waist, so she would know where. Tilting her head, she slowly shook it. Kai had the feeling that she was silently telling him that she wasn’t an idiot. He grinned again and added, “Lean into the bike with me. You’ll want to lean away, but it’s easier for me if you don’t.”

She looked down briefly then nodded. Grabbing her hands, he pulled them around his waist. He felt the rest of Jessie mold to his back. For a moment, he paused, just enjoying the feeling of her clinging to him. Then he started the bike, revving it a few times to warm the engine. That made Jessie’s arms around him cinch tight. He inhaled a sharp breath as she squeezed the air out of him. Patting her arms encouragingly, Kai yelled back, “Relax…have fun. I got you, Jessie.”

Then he took off.

Jessie clung to him like a lifeline for the first several miles. He took it easy, swinging wide on the corners so she wouldn’t feel like they were going to fall over. But once they got out of the city limits, and Jessie’s hold on his waist eased up a bit, he opened it up. Smiling, he felt the wind whip past them. It was chilly but not nearly as bad as it had been, thanks to several new layers of Under Armor.

Kai felt Jessie laugh into his back as she got more and more comfortable with being on a bike. Grinning, he decided to show her just how exhilarating a motorcycle could be. Dipping low into the curves as they approached the windy mountain climb, Kai watched the concrete seemingly rise up to just under their knees. He could feel that the bike was perfectly balanced, nowhere near losing control, but for those not used to it, it could be a little frightening. And Jessie did clench him tightly again, but he felt her laugh again too.

By the time they were at Kai’s work, Jessie was leaning with him, almost anticipating the curves like he did. Her hands had relaxed their death grip too. Actually, as Kai slowed the bike to coasting, her hands had drifted so low on his waist that they were more over the top of his jeans than anywhere near his stomach. It did odd, arousing things to have her hands so near him, but he did nothing to move them as he rolled to a stop and shut the bike off.

Just as he was turning to ask her if she had fun, the spunky, wiry Missy started walking their way. Kai felt Jessie slide off the bike and taking off his helmet, Kai swung his leg over, just as Missy walked nearly into his face.

“Kai! So good to see you on a Sunday! And I thought my weekend was going to be a long and uneventful one, having to go without seeing that body for two straight days. And don’t you look hot on your motorcycle.”

As Missy was clearly within hug distance and looked like she was considering it, Kai held his helmet in front of his body, effectively cutting off the temptation. Tilting his head at his horny coworker, he shook his head. “Missy, talking to you is such an ego boost.”

Missy grinned at him, a smudge on her cheek betraying the fact that she’d actually been working hard in the countryside today. Eager as she could be, she was also very good at her job. “Honey, trust me, talking to you does way more for me.” Her eyes skimmed down the front of him, not subtly.

Laughing at her, since that was all Kai could do with the situation, he twisted his head back to Jessie. She still had her helmet on, not having figured out how to remove it, but her hands were on her hips as she looked Missy’s way.

“Sorry, Jess.” Kai slipped his helmet on the bars and walked back to her. Tucking his hands up underneath her helmet, he loosened the slide. Pulling the helmet off of her, he expected to see an exhilarated-from-the-ride smile, but…she was frowning.

Frowning himself, Kai noticed that she staring at Missy as she frowned. Knowing Missy was probably checking out his ass, Kai wanted to roll his eyes and tell Jessie that his coworker just liked to objectify him, but Missy spoke first.

Walking up to Jessie, a suspicious frown on her face, Missy sullenly said, “You cheating on me, Kai? Who’s the girl?” Adjusting her glasses, Missy eyed Jessie up and down in the exact same way she’d analyze a potential threat to the ecosystem.

Kai wanted to sigh at her unreasonable jealousy. “Missy, this is my cousin, Jessie.”

He indicated Jessie with his hand, and Missy’s entire demeanor changed. Brightening considerably, she walked up to Jessie, slinging her arm around her shoulders like they were suddenly best friends or something. “Cousin? That’s great!” Squeezing into Jessie’s side, she eyed Kai seductively. “So, cousin, tell me all about Kai. Likes, dislikes, turn offs…turn ons.” She raised her eyebrows and Kai shook his head.

Releasing Jessie from Missy, who was too busy gaping at the woman to respond herself, Kai pulled her close to his side. “I’m going to give Jessie a tour.” Missy nodded, like she thought that was a great idea too, and moved to follow them when Kai stepped forward. Stopping, Kai looked back at her. “We can go alone, Missy. I wouldn’t want to slow up your work.” She pouted and Kai couldn’t help but grin. As he grabbed Jessie’s hand, leading her to the front doors, he tossed over his shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Missy.”

After showing Jessie the various rooms and labs that Kai spent his days in, she seemed to thaw out from the Missy encounter. He wasn’t sure if she’d just found Missy’s aggressiveness off-putting, or if she just hadn’t liked him being mentally undressed right in front of her; probably a little of both.

After checking out a large portion of the wilderness behind the research center, carefully avoiding the damn bee hives, Kai and Jessie came back into the center through the rear of the building. Both laughing at their little trek through the woods, Kai stopped when he noticed his boss at the end of the hall. Kai had made sure that he’d kept Jessie away from any protected areas, so he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t get into any trouble for bringing her by. Even still, with as strange as Mason could be towards him, Kai sort of wished that the man hadn’t been here today. But…he usually was there. He practically lived at the research center.

Straightening his shoulders once he was spotted, Kai grabbed Jessie’s hand again, pushing back how nice it felt to hold her fingers. Walking up to where Mason was paused in a doorway, a clipboard in one hand, coffee in the other, Kai lifted his free hand to him in a wave.

“Mason, I’m glad you’re here.” Kai still naturally wanted to call him sir, but that was one thing the man had insisted on, informality.

Mason seemed to sigh a little at seeing Kai, before bringing his lips up into a clearly forced smile. Kai wanted to frown at the man’s obvious reluctance to be around him, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. “Kai…I didn’t think you were coming in today.” His tone seemed a little disappointed that Kai had decided to show up, like Kai was ruining his day, just by being there.

Ignoring that feeling of not being wanted, Kai smiled and looked over at Jessie. She seemed to be puzzled about something and was staring at Mason like he looked familiar to her.  “I was just showing my cousin, Jessie, around the center.”

Mason’s eyes widened as he took in Jessie beside him. Extending his hand, he murmured, “Cousin? Well, nice to meet you, Jessie.”

Jessie shook his extended hand, her bows still furrowed. “Hi…” Narrowing her eyes while they shook hands, Kai watched as Jessie tilted her head at Mason. “Your eyes…I’ve never seen someone with a shade so similar to Kai’s…”

With those words, it was like Jessie had poured ice water down Mason’s back. He shot up straight, his back rigid and tight, and practically yanked his hand away from Jessie’s, making her gasp a little bit. Looking beyond uncomfortable, Mason shifted his gaze between Kai and Jessie. “Well, nice to meet you. I wish I could stay and socialize, but I have too many important things to take care of.” With that, he spun on his heel and practically dashed from the hallway.

Kai watched the tall, gray-haired man flee the area, shocked. Kai had certainly noticed the similarity in their eye color, but really, he hadn’t thought too much about it. Eyes only came in so many colors. You were bound to eventually find someone with a shade close to yours. But Mason sure had reacted weird to the comparison. Did he really dislike Kai so much?

Kai wanted to sigh, but Jessie beside him still looked a little freaked out. Twisting to face him, she muttered, “Did I say something wrong?”

Shaking his head, he grabbed her hand again. “No.” Looking back at where Mason’s lean frame had disappeared, Kai finally did sigh. “He just doesn’t care much for me, probably didn’t like being told he sort of looks like me.”

Jessie paled when Kai swung his eyes back to hers. “Oh, how could anyone not like you?” She whispered it, her face flushing with a light shade of pink along her cheeks.

Kai smiled at seeing her embarrassment. Then he sighed over her comment, and the warmth he’d felt behind it. “Come on. Let’s go get that lunch that I promised you.” Still looking flushed, Jessie nodded and they headed back to his bike.

****************

Jessie discreetly studied Kai as they walked through the clean hallways. She noted the way his eyes stayed forward and his jaw clenched tightly. Even his warm hand in hers was a little firmer than was necessary. But she wasn’t about to complain about it; his fingers entangled around hers felt much too nice.

He seemed to be bothered by the meeting with his boss. Jessie felt a ball of ice in her stomach over the encounter. She really hoped that she hadn’t done something wrong, hadn’t offended the man in some odd way. Although, she didn’t understand how comparing him to Kai would make him act so weird. Truly, it was a compliment. Kai was remarkably attractive. And there was just no way the man couldn’t like Kai. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as they exited the front doors, Kai occasionally nodding to people that he passed. Kai was very…likeable.

The point was almost solidified when once outside, they ran into Kai’s obviously interested coworker again. Kai’s face changed from bothered to amused as he took in the short, bony, frizzy-haired woman. Jessie frowned at the look on his face.

The spindly woman put her hands directly on his chest as she stopped right in front of them. “Oh, no, no, no. You can’t leave yet. I’m finally at a stopping point.”

Kai tilted his head at her, discreetly dropping Jessie’s hand while he chuckled at the forward woman. “Sorry, Missy, I promised my cousin a decent lunch.” Jerking his thumb back towards the building he laughed out, “And the only thing left in the fridge is Louis’ tuna…and I’m not touching that.”

Missy frowned, then swept her hands down his chest to his jeans. Slipping her fingers into his front pockets, she stepped into him; he automatically took a half-step backwards. “A quickie then perhaps?” She raised her eyebrow suggestively and Jessie felt her cheeks heat. She’d literally just asked him for sex, and Jessie got the feeling that she wasn’t joking around.

Kai laughed at her again and firmly removed her small hands from his body. “Uh, not today, Missy.” The woman sighed dramatically, then finally stepped back to let him pass. “Fine, but I’ll have you know, I shaved today…everywhere.”

Kai rolled his eyes and shook his head. Smiling down at Jessie, he indicated the bike. “And that’s our cue.”

Jessie kept a blank look on her face as curiosity, and maybe even a flash of jealousy, went through her. She wasn’t sure if anything was going on there or not, although the woman didn’t really seem like his type. Then again, Jessie really didn’t know his type and they did share common interests if they worked together. Regardless, they were awful friendly with each other. Well, Missy was awful friendly with him. Jessie slipped her helmet on as quickly as she could to hide the emotions she could feel coming. She shouldn’t be jealous, she shouldn’t be upset, but when that woman smacked his ass as he walked by, then rushed in to plant a kiss on his cheek, she felt both of those things.

Kai shook his head again as Missy watched him, an appraising look in her eye. Before popping on his helmet, he said, “Bye, Missy.” After slipping on the helmet, he popped open the visor and pointed at her. “And don’t mess with my phone anymore, I know it’s you.”

Missy smiled slyly, rocking back and forth on her heels. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kai.” Then the woman started humming a song that Jessie could have sworn was ‘Endless Love.’

Still shaking his head, Kai slapped down his visor and adjusted his helmet and then hers. Jessie was feeling irrational things that she knew she shouldn’t, so she kept her mouth shut as his fingers brushed along her jaw. The intimacy of the move only confused her even more. When he was done, he slunk over the motorcycle and nodded behind him for her to sit down. Sighing softly, she did.

He partially stood up to kick start the bike as Jessie loosely held his hips. Then he nodded at a near-drooling Missy and walked the bike backwards. Jessie heard him yell back to her, “Hold on,” and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his waist.

Then he took off, light rocks spinning out under his tires.

Like being on a roller coaster, Jessie’s stomach lifted then settled. Jessie clung to Kai’s back, attached as firmly as if they were one person. She felt him make adjustments with his feet, switching gears she thought. She felt his upper body move as he twisted the handlebars ever so slightly. Keeping her eyes shut, she concentrated on his body movements, and not the knowledge she had that they were way too exposed if something bad should happen.

After several miles, Jessie’s body relaxed and she again felt that comfort that she had driving up here. Getting over the mental block of terror took her awhile, but once she did, she found that she enjoyed driving with him. She peeked her eyes open, watching the colorful trees zipping past. All she could hear was the hum of the bike and the wind rushing past, but the way her body was compressed into his broad back, she imagined that she could hear his heartbeat too. But, maybe it was just her own she was feeling.

Smiling at the beauty of nature blowing by them, Jessie giggled into Kai’s back. She squeezed him in a hug, before relaxing her grip. As her fingers relaxed against him, they drifted down his stomach. Kai dipped the bike low as they took long, curved corners, and Jessie ignored how close their knees got to the pavement. She trusted him, he’d never dump them. Instead, she focused on how his thighs moved as he held the bike, how hers did as she held him. The muscles in his stomach, hips and thighs, did intriguing things with each corner. With her legs straddling him, her back flush to his, her helmeted head on his shoulder, Jessie felt connected to him in an almost sensual way. It was erotic and at the same time, it wasn’t. It was also exhilarating. As Jessie grew more comfortable, she began to fully appreciate why Kai loved this. She had no desire to drive a motorcycle of her own, but she’d be a passenger any day. She’d be his passenger any day. She’d be his bike girl.

What felt like just minutes later, they were back in the heart of Denver. Kai took them to a small diner that Jessie had been to several times before with her friends, and parked in the back lot. As he dropped the kickstand down and shut the bike off, Jessie finally realized that her hands had drifted down to rest more on the front of his jeans than his waist. She could even feel the basic shape of him. Immediately dropping her hands, she felt her face flush hotly.

Once again glad that the helmet obscured her face, she hopped off the back of the bike. Needing him to not touch her for a little bit, at least until her embarrassment could cool, she fumbled with the strap under her chin. She successfully loosened it as he was stepping up to her, his helmet already over the handlebars. Jessie popped it off just as his hands came up to help. Kai smiled that she’d figured it out and Jessie smiled back, her emotions more level.

They enjoyed a leisurely lunch, neither one really wanting to hurry their afternoon together. Jessie shared bits about her life that Kai didn’t know – her dad’s recent move to D.C., her mom grudgingly following him there and how much she loved it now, the numerous amounts of children her brothers already had, how she’d gotten into her job and where she wanted to go with it, the details of her romance with Jeremy.

He frowned over hearing the ending of their failed relationship. “Jeremy sounds like an idiot.”

Jessie smiled brilliantly. “Yes, yes he is.”

As they ate, Kai went over his life that Jessie didn’t know – his friends back home, being an only child with divorced parents, why he loved his work and what he wanted to accomplish with it, the few, not very serious relationships that he’d had, most ending amicably, unlike her and Jeremy.

After their long lunch, Jessie felt like she’d been around Kai her entire life. He just fit into every part of who she was. She couldn’t imagine not having him around now. As odd as it seemed, since he’d only been in the city a little over a week, it was almost hard to imagine a time when he hadn’t been around. Jessie wasn’t sure why that was, and she was both comforted and disturbed by the revelation.

Especially since she knew that their tight bond was about to get a whole lot looser. He had a date with April on Saturday. And then there was Missy. Jessie still wasn’t sure what that relationship entailed. Maybe their bond wasn’t as tight as she believed. Maybe, like Jeremy, Kai was hiding things from her too.

The thought had her frowning when they eventually pulled back up to her house. Jessie was a little sullen when she got off her bike and took her helmet off. She tried to hide her sadness, but she suddenly had all these doubts about how honest he was, and to be honest with herself, she was disappointed that their afternoon was over. Not wanting him to see, she left her head down, her hair hiding her face; she could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

“Thanks for the ride, Kai. I’ll talk to you later.”

With that quick goodbye, she spun and made for the door, to duck into the house and into her room where she was going to spend at least an hour listening to emo music, given her sudden sorrow. But Kai wasn’t going to let that happen. He grabbed her elbow as she spun away from him. Stopping, she slowly looked back. His brow was furrowed as he looked over her expression. “Jessie?” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Jessie turned to face him, not sure what she should or shouldn’t say. Deciding that his possible dishonesty hurt, she decided she couldn’t be dishonest either. Shuffling through her emotions, she picked the one topic that didn’t only affect her. “That woman you work with…do you have something going on with her?” Quickly she added, “Because April is my friend, and she should know if you’re seeing more than one person.” Her face flushed as she said it. While an honest statement, it wasn’t really why she wanted to know.

Kai blinked, looking beyond surprised at her conclusion. He broke out in a soft laugh that stopped when Jessie frown deepened. He frowned then too. “Are you serious? Missy?” His voice was as incredulous as his eyes.

Jessie only worried her lip and waited for a definite answer. Sighing, he looked over her face. One of his hands came up to run through a springy curl, and he looked torn before answering. “No, Jessie. I have no interest in Missy.” He sighed sadly, playing with the end of her curl in his fingers. “Really…I have no interest in anyone.” Hanging his head, he peeked his eyes up at her.

Jessie felt her heart increase at the sudden look of desire in his face. She could clearly hear the words he wasn’t saying – no one but you. She felt butterflies of anticipation rustle around in her stomach as his eyes flashed over her face. Dropping his hand from her hair, he fully looked up at her. “My only interest right now is concentrating on work, taking care of Gran, and…taking care of you.” He whispered that last part.

Jessie’s mouth fell open a little, her heart starting to pound. “Me?” Her voice was a whisper too.

He sighed and stepped closer to her, his hips touching hers. “Yes…you.” His hand found hers, lacing their fingers together. “You’re always taking care of everyone else, making sure everyone has what they need.” His face just inches in front of hers, he practically breathed, “What do you need, Jessie?”

Jessie couldn’t speak. He was so close to her, even their chests were touching. His face was directly in front of hers, his lips parted as he lightly breathed on her. Their laced together fingers tightened as his gaze drifted down to her lips. Leaning forward, Jessie felt her breath pick up dramatically. Stepping into his body, she rested her cheek along his. She heard him gasp and felt his hand clench hers. Jessie closed her eyes, the sound of blood pounding through her body like a tidal wave in her head.

Knowing she shouldn’t, she started to pull back, her cheek sliding across his as she angled her face down. Kai didn’t move. He still rigidly stood in front of her, clenching her hand. She pulled back enough that she could feel his hot breath against her lips. Wanting what she knew she couldn’t have, hating herself for even wanting it, she felt their lips brush together. He made a deep noise in his throat, his hand tightening even more.

Not caring who was looking, not caring who she was and who he was, that genetically and ethically, they should not be together, Jessie gave herself a moment where only her basest desires mattered. She wrapped his bottom lip in hers, sucking on him, for just a second.

He tasted like heaven.

He. Kai. Kai Harper, the gorgeous boy that shared her name. Her cousin. That thought snapped her back to who she was. She pulled away, noticing his closed eyes and fast breath. His free hand was coming up, like he was going to cup her cheek, pull her in for a deeper connection.

“Kai,” she whispered, mortified that she’d sort of kissed him.

His eyes sprang open and he looked around himself, remembering where they were. Stepping back, his breath still unnaturally fast, he ran the hand that had been clenching hers through his hair. Searching the area, like he was sure someone had just seen that, he ran his fingers over his lips. “I should go,” he whispered.

Jessie felt the horror and disgust rise up in her. She shouldn’t touch him like that, especially right in front of her house where her roommates could see. Her eyes shifted to her front windows. They were completely empty, but god, had either of them seen her do that to him? How would she explain that intimate moment?

She swung her eyes back to Kai when she felt him step towards his bike. His head was down, his face looking thoughtful. Jessie hated that she’d ruined their nice afternoon with those last few moments. Knowing that she was to blame, she put a hand on his arm. He glanced back at her, his brow furrowed in confusion. A confusion Jessie understood; she felt it too.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, staring at their shoes, unable to look him directly in the eye.

Sighing, his fingers came up to touch her chin briefly before dropping back to his side. “We can’t let this…” He sighed again and Jessie peeked up at him. Now he was staring at their shoes, unable to directly look at her either. “I know it’s hard, Jessie, but we have to stop…this.”

Tears stinging her eyes again, she whispered, “I know…that’s why I want you to go out with April. You have a date with her Saturday?”

He exhaled heavily and looked up at her. “Yeah… ” They stared at each other in silence for a few moments, then he shook his head. “Jessie…about April… I don’t…” He stopped and bit his lip. Jessie felt her heart pick back up again, and hated herself for it. Closing his beautiful eyes for a moment, he smiled sadly, then reopened them. “I think I’m going to go over to Gran’s. Spend some time with her. Make sure she’s getting along alright.” He smiled wryly. “Give you a break from doing it.”

Jessie nodded, her heart and body relaxing. Grams. Their mutual relative who, although she was a tough old broad and managed to get around pretty well, still needed some personal attention. “Okay…cousin.”

Kai gave her a soft laugh and looked away. Turning back to her, he looked over her face. “Goodbye…cousin.”

Jessie swallowed the enormous lump in her throat and stepped back from him, towards her front door. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he grabbed his helmet and slipped it back on. Sliding his leg over his bike, he started it, revving the engine a couple of times. With him still intently watching her, she gave him a brief wave, her small smile a sad one. He nodded at her, then twisted his body and sped off, small particles of road debris marking his departure.

Jessie watched until he disappeared, then closed her eyes and dropped her head.

Goodbye…cousin.

Chapter   13

The First Date

To say that Kai Harper was confused would be an understatement. Here he was, actively planning a date with a vivacious, flirtatious, gorgeous woman, and all he could think about was his cousin’s lips wrapped around his. It was sick. It was twisted. And it was occupying every waking moment he had.

He pictured her smile when he ate breakfast. He remembered the feeling of her compressed to his back when he drove to work. He imagined the sound of her laughter while he listened to his coworkers. But most of all, he remembered the feeling of her lips against his. He could almost still feel the heat.

A hand smacking his shoulder brought him back to the present. “You still here?”  Kai looked up at Louis. The Indiana Jones wannabe was standing in front of him with a hand on his hip, like this was an old western movie and Kai was about to tell him to draw. Considering that the extent of their adventurous day had involved the two of them collecting water samples from a nearby stream, it was sort of funny to Kai.

Securing the vials of water in a pack, he slung it into the back of one of the center’s jeeps. “Yeah…I’m listening.” Knowing that he hadn’t really been paying any attention, Kai struggled to remember what they’d been talking about. He instantly remembered with Louis’s next statement.

“Good, then take her to Paccione’s. You’re practically guaranteed a successful mating.” Louis shifted his stance and grinned. “In fact, I think that’s written right into the menu.”

Kai rolled his eyes and shook his head. Right, Louis was helping him plan a date with Jessie’s roommate. While he appreciated Louis’s enthusiasm, he really wasn’t trying to have a successful “mating” with April. And fancy restaurants didn’t sound like much fun to him. It was just a little too…typical.

Climbing into the rig, Kai shrugged. “I don’t know, Louis. That seems a little…cliché.”

Louis chuckled as he climbed into the driver’s side. Adjusting the numerous gadgets on his belt so he could sit back in the seat, he gave Kai a wry smile. “Clichés are clichés for a reason, Harper…they work. Every species has their version of strutting and feather-preening.” His eyes turned forward as he started the engine. “The human ritual just happens to involve lobster and overpriced wine.”

Kai watched Louis start to move the vehicle, wondering when this outdoorsy, slightly wild-looking man had ever taken the time to dress up and take a girl to a place where eating the chicken with your hands was frowned upon. As they started back to the center, Kai sighed. He really didn’t know April well enough to plan a date with her. Picturing what Jessie might have fun doing, he started smiling. Now, with her, he could easily imagine setting something up. Something different, something unique that would make her smile. Something a little…romantic.

Kai frowned. He shouldn’t really be planning romantic outings with his cousin. As the incongruous gray buildings came into view, Kai looked over at Louis. “I was thinking about something outside, a picnic or something. That’s romantic, right?”

Kai wasn’t entirely sure if Louis knew anything about being romantic. At least, not anything that was original. Louis gave him an odd look as he parked the jeep behind the buildings. “Take her to Red Rocks.”

Kai blinked. Should he know what that meant? Seeing his confusion, Louis explained. “Red Rocks Amphitheater. There’s nothing playing this time of year, but you could take her up there and have a picnic on the steps.” He cracked open his door and before he got out, tossed back, “Most women go nuts for that kind of shit. It works better than piss on a porcupine.”

Kai shook his head again at his coworker’s choice of bizarre, but oddly effective, mating practices in the wild. But climbing out the Jeep door, he started to think that Louis might be on to something…about the human dating ritual that is. Kai wasn’t sure what April was into, but he could easily picture taking Jessie up there, stretching a blanket out under a clear blue sky. He’d have to layer up to not freeze to death, but then…that could lead to cuddling later.

Kai sighed as he walked into the building, remembering for the umpteenth time that he wasn’t planning an outing with his cousin, and really, he shouldn’t actively plan for cuddling with her. No, he was planning a date for April.

He needed to remember that.

As he went about solidifying his plans, he spent the majority of his free time at Gran’s, making sure she was healing okay. She rolled her eyes whenever he asked. At one point he thought she might pop up and do a jig to prove to him that she was healthy as a horse. Assuring her that the display wasn’t necessary, he did as much as he could for her without coddling her.

He spoke with April a few times on the phone during the week. She called him to confirm their date, then she called him to ask what she should wear. Since he didn’t want to ruin the surprise, he only told her to dress warm. Pausing, she’d asked, “Warm? Really?”

An odd feeling entered the phone after her question, like she was silently sulking on the other end. Maybe she’d been hoping that they’d be going somewhere that required very little clothing? “Is that okay?”

Her voice all sunshine and cheeriness, she told him, “Yeah, it’s fine. We’re going to have a blast, Kai!”

Wondering if he was planning a decent enough date, Kai considered running it by Jessie. He wasn’t sure if he should or not. True, they were family and he respected her opinion, but he was planning a date with another woman. Even though they’d both agreed that this was…necessary for them to move past what had happened between them, what was still bubbling between them, she probably didn’t want to hear about it. Kai knew he wouldn’t want to hear about her and some other guy. He already hated the tidbits he’d heard about her and her d-bag ex, Jeremy.

So, whenever he talked to Jessie, he kept the topics off April, sticking to work or Gran…or her; Kai could listen to Jessie talk about her life for hours. After a two hour conversation late one night, Kai wondered if that was typical cousin behavior.

She came by his place the next night, looking fresh faced and flushed when he opened the door. Smiling at the unexpected visit, he smiled wider when he saw what she had in her hands. Shaking his head, he pulled open the door and swung his arm, motioning for her to come inside.

Beaming as she walked over to the patio set that she was letting him use in his kitchen, Kai watched her plop down a couple of thick cushions over the wrought iron chairs. Even though he would readily admit that the furniture was a little hard and uncomfortable, and some padding would be nice, Kai put his hands on his hips in mock sternness as she adjusted them into place.

“You need to stop doing nice things for me.” Securing the deep blue fabric to the metal chairs, she peeked up at him while he shook his head. “I can’t keep up, Jessie.”

Finishing, she admired his small kitchen set for a moment before twisting to face him. “You don’t need to, Kai.” Tilting her head to the side, she bit her lip. A long, curly lock fell over her shoulder, resting just above her breast. Kai swallowed, forcing his eyes to stay locked on hers. “Besides, I couldn’t leave you with butt-numbing furniture.”

Jessie laughed after her comment, her face lighting up in a way that made Kai want to sigh. He didn’t though. He only smiled and sat in his suddenly comfortable chairs. Smiling wider, he leaned back and exaggerated a long, happy groan. “Well, my butt and I thank you.” Kai laughed, feeling lighter just being in her presence.

She started to lower herself into the newly padded chair opposite him, but paused halfway down. “Oh,” she exclaimed softly, reaching in her pocket. Struggling to contain an impish smile, she pulled out her hand and handed him something. “Here, I got this for you.”

Kai watched her warm brown eyes burn with mischievousness as he took the object. Furrowing his brow, he stared at a candy bar in his hands. Then he read the label and started laughing. Glancing up at her, he gave her a crooked smile; her eyes locked onto his lips. “A Bit-O-Honey bar? Because of the bees…right?”

Laughing genuinely, she nodded her head. Kai couldn’t contain his smile, watching her amusement. Shaking his head, he put on his most disgruntled voice. “Cute.”

As Kai started remembering her hands running all over his back, he started to feel a little warm. His eyes drifted to her lips as she shrugged and said, “Yeah, well, I saw them at the gas station when I was filling up on the way over and thought of you.”

She tilted her head again and stared at him so lovingly, he stopped breathing for a second. Swallowing at the look in her eye, he whispered, “Always thinking of me…”

The smile fell from her face, instantly replaced by a look of longing and pain. Kai wanted to reach out for her, wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her. More than anything, he wanted to tell her that they could find a way, that they could be together. Even if it was wrong, even if their families would disown them, surely what was building between them was strong enough to make a lifetime of ridicule worth it?

His stomach twisting at the mere thought of caving, he looked away from her. As right as it felt sometimes, it also felt so horribly wrong. He couldn’t entertain those thoughts. Not with her.

She sighed softly after he broke their intense connection and Kai peeked back at her. Worrying her lip, she studied the table. Just when he thought to ask her how she was feeling, even though he already knew that she was as torn and conflicted as he was, she whispered, “Where are you going to take April?”

Kai sighed now and Jessie looked up at him. Knowing that telling her about April now would only help to firm the wall they needed to have between them, he laid out his plans. She listened, small tears forming in the corners of her eyes. When he was finished, she was silent.

Just as Kai looked away again, she spoke. “It sounds beautiful, Kai. I think she’ll love it.”

Kai looked back at her again. Even though she’d said, “I think she’ll love it,” Kai clearly heard, “I know I’d love it.” He swallowed and nodded, then he got up and came around to her, pulling her up into the hug he felt she needed. The hug he needed.

Letting go…it can be so hard. Especially if you don’t really want to…

As the week dwindled, Kai got nervous. He liked April well enough, but really, he wasn’t all that interested in dating her. But Jessie was insistent that he try, and his grandmother….well, once she found out he had a date, with Jessie’s friend no less, she was over the moon. She asked him details about April every time he went to check on her. Laughing, he told her that he hadn’t even been on a date with her yet, so she could stop with the wedding planning.

Chuckling, and looking relieved that he had someone, she then switched the conversation to her second favorite topic – his job. Gran always asked him how he was fitting in there, if he liked it, if he got along with his boss. She always gave him an odd look when she asked about Mason, so Kai always smiled brightly and told her that things were going great and he was very happy. True, his boss still hadn’t warmed to him, and he really wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong, but no need to worry the poor woman with his work woes.

She’d look even more relieved after that, like a weight had been lifted from her frail shoulders. When he thought to ask her why one evening, she shifted the conversation again, but this time to Kai’s dad. “He misses you so much, dear.” Lifting a gray eyebrow, she softly added, “You know, if you ever did get…unhappy here, he would surely find a spot for you at the research reserve. You could work with your father every day…and Leilani.” Her lips twisted a little after she referenced his mother.

Kai frowned at her suggestion. For one, his father hadn’t sounded like he missed Kai all that much the last few times he’d talked to him. It bothered Kai, the sudden distance between them. He wasn’t sure why it was there, but he was hoping that his dad just wasn’t dealing with the separation as well as his mom. Well, if you can consider her calling him at all hours of the day and sending him care packages that included things like deodorant and shaving cream, handling it well.

Kai didn’t like the edge he’d heard in his dad’s voice recently, but didn’t know what to do about it, especially from here. Maybe when he went home for Christmas they could have a sit down talk?

Focusing on his grandmother’s second statement, he raised an eyebrow at her. “You want me to go back to Hawaii? Are you trying to get rid of me?”

The old woman gave him a loving smile and shook her head. Placing a wrinkled hand on his smooth one, she said, “No, dear, I love having you here.” She sighed, a sadder sound than the conversation warranted. “I just want you to be happy.”

Looking down at the ground, Kai smiled. Thinking of his cousin, he whispered, “I am happy here.” Even if being around Jessie was a little torturous, it still filled Kai with a feeling that could only be described as happiness.

That happiness extended right up to his date night. As he drove his bike to go pick up April, he started wondering if Jessie would be there, or if she’d avoid the weirdness of him picking up another woman right in front of her. He hoped April wasn’t too hands-on if Jessie was around. But he couldn’t tell her not to be, and Jessie couldn’t tell her not to be. Neither one of them had a good reason to tell April to be respectful of Jessie’s feelings. There was just no way to bring up what was going on between them without grossing everybody out and embarrassing them both.

Taking his helmet off once he stopped the bike, Kai took a moment to appreciate the clear, beautiful, early afternoon sky. The mountains in the distance created the perfect backdrop for the looming city spread out around him. The bustle of human life reached his ears along with the singsong of still active birds and the occasional yap of a nearby dog. It wasn’t like Hawaii, but Colorado was growing on him. Once he adjusted to the temperature, he thought he’d be right at home here.

Smiling at the thought of sharing Jessie’s hometown with her, he twisted the messenger bag slung across his chest, laying it on the ground next to the bike. Once of the downfalls of driving a motorcycle - no trunk space - but he’d managed to finagle everything he needed for a decent meal into the bag, even a bottle of wine.

Letting out a quick exhale, Kai worked on calming his nerves as he walked to the front door. Jessie’s truck being in the drive wasn’t helping with his nerves either. She was here. She would come out to say hello, to show a polite respect to her cousin, and then she’d watch him drive off without her. Kai imagined that was going to hurt her and as he knocked on the door, he wished Jessie had stayed away for this. She shouldn’t have to see it.

The door opened widely and Kai smiled at seeing April before him. She was very pretty. Given a different set of circumstances, Kai probably would have welcomed a date with her. Having taken his advice, she was dressed in a couple of layered long-sleeved shirts over a pair of tight, stretchy denims. Her hair was perfectly styled, every strand in place, and her makeup was meticulously applied. While she looked amazing, Kai worried that she wouldn’t approve of a helmet potentially ruining the smooth, low ponytail she had her hair in.

“Kai, hello.” She leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Kai looked down for a second, confliction rising in him. He didn’t want to be attracted to April, but he was a man, and he did enjoy her attentions. And he felt really guilty about that. He felt even guiltier when he looked up and saw Jessie watching them, a few steps behind April. As April smiled and pulled him into the house by his arm, he locked gazes with Jessie. Not able to control it, he stared at her longingly. If he hadn’t agreed to this, he would tell April that he really wanted to go out with his cousin tonight, not her. But this was what Jessie wanted, what they both needed.

He watched Jessie swallow and give him a slight nod. “Hi, Kai.”

Trying to keep the longing in his face out of his voice, he told her, “Hi, Jessie.” By the way Jessie’s eyes watered, he wasn’t quite sure if he was successful.

Oblivious to the mood in the room, April grabbed a fluffy jacket from the back of the couch. She was attached to his arm in an instant, wrapped, bundled, and ready to go. Kai pulled his attention from Jessie to concentrate on his date. “Ready?”

April smiled brilliantly and hugged his arm, pulling herself closer into his side. “Yep.” Without a second thought about it, she glanced over at Jessie. “See ya, Jess. Don’t wait up.” She winked after she said it and Kai briefly closed his eyes to block out the image of Jessie’s face paling.

As April tugged his arm out the door, Kai looked back at Jessie. “Goodbye,” he whispered.

Jessie feebly raised her hand in a wave, her already wet eyes looking heavier. It nearly killed Kai to watch April close the door between them. He’d never felt more horrid. But somehow they had to change their relationship. They had to be a family. They had to get rid of this…tension.

Once outside, April started digging in her purse, like she was looking for her car keys. Kai cleared his throat, pointing to his bike when she looked up at him. “I thought we’d ride?” April had seemed like she’d wanted to before, when Kai had picked up Jessie, so he’d just assumed that she’d be thrilled with the idea.

And she did smile, but one of her hands slinked through the end of her long ponytail and Kai could tell she wasn’t thrilled about her look getting messed up. Kai wanted to sigh at the awkward tension building, but he resisted. Walking over to the spare helmet, he helped her put it on. April looked to be containing a sigh too as he, as carefully as he could, slipped the safety device over her perfectly styled hairdo. It gave him a small pang to put something he’d gotten for Jessie over another woman’s head. He instantly felt like he was cheating on her…which was a really strange feeling to have on a date.

While the helmet fit Jessie perfectly, it was slightly too small for April and Kai knew that her perfectly put together ponytail was going to be a mess when she pulled it off. He felt bad about that, but as he glanced at the window and saw his cousin discretely watching them, his thoughts instantly rewound to watching her pull off a helmet; it had been one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. Her curls had bounced back to life instantly once freed of the contraption, almost taunting the world that they couldn’t be squashed so easily.

He nodded at Jessie through the window, then popped his helmet on and slung the bag over his shoulder, positioning it in front of his chest so April could hold onto him. As he sat on the bike, still half watching Jessie in the window, he remembered her body clinging to him. When April slipped on after him, her hands drifted right down to the front of his jeans; she even slid her fingers through the belt buckle loops. Knowing she wouldn’t hear it, Kai finally let himself sigh, the sound contained in his helmet. There were so many things about this night that he already wished were different.

Like his date.

Giving Jessie one last wistful look, since that couldn’t be seen either, he started the bike. Then, he left her. He could feel the heat of her gaze as he pulled away from her house, and he let out another sigh. It came out stuttered, as a moment of intense, painful emotion washed over him. He’d never imagined when he’d agreed to this, just how hard it would be.

Not noticing any of that turmoil, he felt April giggle and rub herself into his back. Her hands clenched his jeans, her thumbs slipping on the inside of his waistband. He concentrated on the sensation, anything to block the emotion threatening to consume him. Her thumbs slipped back and forth over his stomach and he found himself smiling. It did feel nice. Maybe he was being unfair to April, by not giving her a legitimate chance. They would never amount to anything if he always compared her to Jessie. As he sped away from his cousin, he vowed to not think about her anymore this evening. It was the least he could do for April.

When they arrived at Red Rocks Amphitheater, Kai couldn’t stop smiling. It was the most incredible blending of man and nature. It was sort of the epitome of everything that he believed – that people could live in harmony with the world, instead of trying to conquer it. For a moment, it took his breath.

Rows and rows of seats were carved into the hillside, directly between the largest, reddest rocks that Kai had ever seen. They proudly jutted out of the ground, commanding attention and respect. The stage was set up at the bottom of the sloping steps, and Kai had to imagine, what with the angles of the rocks and steps, that the acoustics in this place were probably amazing. He’d love to see a show here.

April stood beside him, frowning as she pulled out her ponytail and ran her fingers through her hair. Glancing at her, Kai could tell she wasn’t as impressed by the locale as he was. Maybe she’d just been here a lot. She sighed. “All the way up there?”

Kai followed her line of sight. She did have a point; the steps were quite a ways from the parking area. He shrugged, taking off his helmet and grabbing her hand. “At least we’ll be nice and warm when we get there.”

She glanced over at him and he could have sworn she was resisting rolling her eyes. Slapping on a smile, she tugged him forward. “Let’s go then.”

By the time they got to the steps, Kai felt nice and heated, even a little breathy as the exertion mixed with the high altitude. But he didn’t care, the place was amazing. He couldn’t get over the beauty of it. The sparse trees, the dusty stone steps, the towering rock monoliths, it all made him feel about an inch tall.

He smiled over at April. She was breathing heavier too, and didn’t look so happy about it. She swatted at a bug flying around her face and then sighed when she looked at the dusty stone steps they were going to be sitting down on. As Kai watched her obviously unimpressed face, he couldn’t help but think that he was failing miserably at this date.

Suppressing a sigh, he opened his bag and pulled out the thin blanket that he’d stuffed inside. It wouldn’t do much for padding, but it would keep the dust off April’s clothes. He laid it out on a wide path between two sets of carved benches. April gave him a polite smile and sat down on her hip. She shifted a few times to get comfortable, then watched him as he sat down and began pulling various objects from his bag.

Not really knowing a whole lot about picnic-packing, Kai had listened to Louis’s suggestions. Of course, Louis was into much more exotic type foods than Kai, and had wanted him to pack caviar, escargot, and foie gras. Kai had decided to not go that route and had instead packed cold pasta, chicken salad, cheese and crackers, strawberries, and a red wine that complimented it all. It had sounded pretty good to him, and Jessie had nodded at hearing it, but watching April’s face as he pulled out the food, he suddenly got the feeling that she would have preferred the snails.

Keeping a tight smile on her face, she immediately grabbed the bottle of wine. Kai wanted to sigh again, but instead began a polite conversation with her.

The date went a little slowly for Kai. Not that he wasn’t having a good time with April, he was, kind of, but she was clearly not an outdoorsy girl and was not having the best evening. She kept her thick coat on and looked a little disappointed that she was covered up. Kai remembered her tight long-sleeved shirts and thought that April was probably more comfortable when she had her body to flirt with. Being bundled up was probably hampering her seductiveness.  Constantly swishing away bugs and other minute creatures that Kai didn’t even notice, she picked at her food with her plastic fork on her paper plate. Kai suddenly felt really bad for not going the cliché route. She obviously would have preferred a high-class restaurant.

But if she was having a bad time, she didn’t complain about it. Kai had to give her credit. She kept up a nice stream of conversation, most of it about her and the struggles between her and her parents. Unlike the relationship Kai had with his parents, hers seemed to continually disapprove of her life and her choices. Kai didn’t have much to add to the conversation, since he and his parents had almost everything in common. But for the fact that his parents were no longer married, and outside of work generally didn’t talk much, Kai’s family was a pretty harmonious one. Well, was, before his dad had gotten so odd lately. Not cold, but definitely distant, like he was waiting for something…unpleasant to happen.

By the end of the meal, they were sitting close together on the horribly thin blanket, their legs stretched out in front of them and a plastic glass of wine in hand. April leaned into his side and laughed at a joke he’d made. He wasn’t sure if she was laughing to flirt or laughing because she thought he was funny. Aside from being attracted to him, Kai was never entirely sure what April thought of him.

Finishing her glass of wine, a pleasant rosy glow on her cheeks, she looked up at Kai. He looked down at her, the last gulp of his wine flowing down his throat. She stared at him silently as she grabbed his glass and placed it inside of hers. Oddly enough, she made that simple move suggestive. Kai swallowed and watched her blindly set the glasses on the step above them.

Still staring at him, her gaze locked on his eyes. Kai could clearly see what she wanted, what she expected, and he wasn’t sure if he could. She had kissed him before, briefly, and he’d responded to that, but a part of him didn’t want this, and if he leaned down to her lips, if he initiated the contact…

Kai just didn’t know if he was capable of that yet.

They stared at each other, their faces tantalizingly close, her warm breath light on his cool-in-the-fresh-air face. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, contemplating. April’s eyes caught the movement and seemed to approve. Perhaps tired of waiting for him, she finally made a move. Before Kai could even get nervous about it, her lips were on his. She skipped right past the shy and tentative stage and fully pressed herself against him. He didn’t want to, but she tasted good and smelled good, and felt good, and he couldn’t stop himself. His hand reached up to cup her neck and he pulled her into him.

She let out an eager moan as their tongues lightly brushed against the other. Kai’s body reacted to that, even though he sort of wished it wouldn’t. April, finally seeming to enjoy her evening, ran her hands through his hair, tilting his head to get a better angle at him. His breath picked up as her tongue flicked across his mouth, searching, teasing, tasting.

Leaning backwards, she pulled Kai with her. Against his better judgment, he went willingly. She lay down on the ground, her body half off the blanket, but now that they were intimately connecting she didn’t seem to mind the dust. She groaned as Kai’s upper body laid over hers. Their kiss heated as Kai ran his hand down her side to rest on her hip. The lower halves of their bodies were still laying side-by-side, hers flat to the ground. It was a position that would be so easy for Kai to crawl on top of and press himself against. But as his mouth moved over hers, he consciously kept his hips away from her. He wasn’t ready. Honestly, he wasn’t really ready for her hands running up his chest and her tongue probing his mouth, but she wanted him and she was being aggressive about it, and Kai sort of had a weakness for that.

But he wouldn’t let it go any farther. And he wouldn’t think of Jessie as April’s fingers trailed across the edge of his tattoo curling over his collar bone. He would not think of his cousin while he made out with her roommate. That would just be…wrong.

Chapter   14

The Second Date

Jessie felt sick again. She was discretely holding her stomach under the kitchen table, a fake, forced smile on her face as she listened to April describe her date with Kai last night. The date itself sounded like it hadn’t gone very well. April hadn’t liked the hair that she’d spent thirty minutes on getting all out of sorts from the helmet. She hadn’t enjoyed the long, exertive hike up to Red Rocks; with a half-grin she’d explained that there was really only one reason why she’d want to be sweaty with a guy on a date. And she really hadn’t been impressed with the food options. She’d sort of been hoping for lobster and a snooty waiter, and hadn’t been too thrilled about a freezing butt, too many bugs to count, and what she considered “camping food.” Personally, Jessie thought she was being a little prissy about the whole thing. It sounded perfectly romantic to her.

But the part of the night that April had liked, the part that she could not stop talking to Jessie and Harmony about, was the part that was making Jessie nauseous. They’d kissed. And much more than just the peck Jessie had already witnessed. From the way April told it, he’d had her sprawled on the stone steps, panting with desire, and had practically shoved his tongue down her throat. She went on and on about how he couldn’t plan a date worth a crap, but he could definitely make up for it with his mouth.

April couldn’t wait to see him again.

Jessie couldn’t wait until she could be alone in her room; she had some pent-up tears that needed releasing.

She’d thought watching him leave with April would be the hardest part of all of this. It had ripped her to shreds, watching that bike pull away. But this? Hearing April describe images that haunted Jessie’s dreams? It was almost too much to bear. She had no idea what she’d say or do the next time she saw him. She was anxious about it, nervous and impatient. She wanted to tell him to not see April anymore, to demand that she had to be the only woman in his life.

But she couldn’t do that do him. What life would that be, for either of them? Living out some twisted, we can’t have each other, but we can’t let each other have anyone else, future. It sounded lonely to Jessie. Lonely and painful. But so was watching him fly away with April. Maybe Jessie should start seeing someone too. She just had absolutely no desire to see anyone. Anyone but Kai, that was.

But she couldn’t have Kai and they both needed to move on.

Interrupting April’s hundredth repeating of making out with him, Jessie stood and set her cereal bowl in the sink. Faking nonchalance, she tossed over her shoulder, “I’m glad you guys had an okay time, April. I’m gonna head over to Gram’s, see if she needs anything. Catch you guys later.”

As she walked past the two of them still giggling at the table, she heard April brightly exclaim, “Have fun…how soon do you think I can call Kai?”

Closing her eyes, Jessie didn’t answer her roommate. Clenching them tight, tears stinging as her stomach roiled, she tried to let it go. It was right, it was natural. Unlike her and her cousin, Kai and April made sense together.

Her stomach finally felt better…until she pulled into her grandmother’s driveway. She sat in the drive with her truck idling, staring over at Kai’s bike in the spot right next to her. He was here. If she went inside, she’d have to see him post-date. Would he look different? Would he look like he’d been bitten by the love bug? Would he want to tell her all about it? Jessie had a hard enough time listening to an oblivious April; she wasn’t sure if she could handle talking to Kai about it.

Sighing, she shut the truck off. She wasn’t here for Kai. She was here to take care of Grams. And Kai was a decent guy. He wouldn’t bring up something that would potentially hurt her like that. Well, he may want to make sure Jessie was okay with it, but he certainly wouldn’t break it down into as much detail as April had. Besides, she couldn’t hide from him forever. They were family, and family didn’t abandon each other. Plus, she’d been sitting in the driveway for awhile now; she was pretty certain that she’d already been spotted.

Stepping out of the truck, she ran a hand through her curls. Exhaling a long breath, she prepared to see the man who occupied so much of her mind…and her heart.

Jessie opened the front door and walked through like she lived there. Grams insisted that family didn’t have to knock. She didn’t see them and couldn’t hear them, but she knew that they were both in here somewhere. “Hello?” she tried tentatively.

When no one answered her, she realized that they were probably outback, in Gram’s greenhouse. Walking into the kitchen, she stepped through the sunshine filled room. The bright yellow walls added to the cheeriness of the room, but not her mood. Peering out the lace-curtained window, she could see the opaque greenhouse in the back corner of Gram’s yard. Inside, she could easily make out two shadowy shapes - a short, frail one and a tall, lean one. She sighed; even his shadow was appealing.

Her stomach starting to buzz with nerves, she turned around and considered leaving. If they were tucked away in the greenhouse then they probably hadn’t heard her truck pull in. She could slip out and drive away and they’d be none the wiser. Then Jessie could come back when Kai left.

She took a step then paused, hating that she was sort of fleeing from her cousin. This was her idea. How did she think it was going to feel when he started seeing someone? And not just anyone either, but her roommate, one of her best friends. A best friend that was chatty, and liked to delve into the TMI zone all too often. And now her two-much-information involved a man with such warmth, graciousness, and kindly spirit, not to mention the most incredible set of tropical eyes, that it made Jessie’s heart ache.

“Jessie?”

Turning at the sound of her name, she came face to face with those amazing eyes again. Kai was coming through the back door, his brow furrowed as he watched her. Jessie flushed, wondering how long she’d been standing still, debating if she should leave or not. The butterflies in her stomach flew up to her lungs and she found her breath increasing with her nerves.

Titling his head, Kai quickly glanced back at where Grams was still poking around in the greenhouse. Softly closing the door, he walked up to her in the middle of the kitchen. “What were you doing?”

Jessie exhaled softly, her breath coming out stuttered as she couldn’t quite relax. Thinking about how to avoid seeing you. She thought that, but couldn’t say it to his face. Smiling awkwardly, she hated the tension that she could feel building between them. But all she could see when she looked at him was April’s lips touching his. “I was just wondering where the two of you were.”

Kai stepped in front of her. Looking down at her tense body, he sighed. “April told you, didn’t she?” Jessie felt the tears reappear and looked away. Why did he have to bring it up? She was willing to at least pretend she was ignorant. He sighed again, forlornly, and his finger touched the edge of her jaw, turning her chin back to him. “Jessie…I’m so sorry. Did she tell you everything?” he whispered, his eyes as achingly sad as his voice.

Jessie could only nod. His finger on her face burned through her body and she hated it. Hated how much he still electrified her, how much she still wanted to be in his arms. At any given point in the day, Kai’s arms were where she wanted to be…and that wasn’t helping anything.

Closing his eyes for a second, his arms did wrap around her then. Jessie closed her own, her body finally getting what it was craving. Her heart and mind weren’t as thrilled, however. She couldn’t have him like this. It would only hurt them more to let it continue. Even still, she couldn’t make herself pull away.

Into her hair, he muttered, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hear about it. I wish I could tell her to not say anything to you, but she wouldn’t understand why… I’m so sorry.”

With the ache in his voice, Jessie finally pulled away, but just to look up into his eyes. She left his arms wrapped around her, and was a little surprised to find that her arms had slinked around his neck; she didn’t remember doing that. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Kai.” She shrugged and looked away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

His head came down to touch hers, their foreheads resting together. Gently rocking his head, he whispered, “I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I’m…betraying you.”

Jessie pulled her head away, surprised that he would feel that strongly about it. Tears stung her eyes. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t feel guilty about seeing someone, not when the two of them were only family. That’s all they could be, she didn’t want him to forever feel guilty for doing the right thing.

She brought a hand to his cheek as he averted his eyes from her. “You’re not betraying me, Kai. You’re doing what I asked. You’re doing the right thing.” His eyes hesitantly came back to hers, his arms around her tightening fractionally. Jessie swallowed, and said what she didn’t really feel. “You should keep pursuing this with April. The two of you could be great together.” Stroking his face with her thumb, she added in a whisper, “This thing between you and me…will pass.”

Kai closed his eyes and swallowed, like he really hadn’t wanted to hear that. Jessie felt the same; she hadn’t wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him to never see April again. She wanted to tell him that they could run away, be ostracized from their families and from a large portion of society, and find a way to be together. But even then, the thought of knowingly being with her cousin…made Jessie ill. She couldn’t. As right as it felt, it still made her feel sick.

Kai opened his eyes, but kept them down, looking at the inch or so between their bodies. “You still shouldn’t have to hear about it, and I’m sorry for that.”

Hating where her thoughts had been, hating where she could feel them going, she stepped into Kai’s embrace, closing every gap between them. Sighing into his ear, she ran a hand through his hair. Her voice trembling, she breathed, “It’s okay. I like April. I like…you. I want you both to be happy.” He exhaled heavily and nodded, his face buried in her shoulder. Idly, Jessie wondered if this was making any of them happy.

After a long, silent moment, they pulled apart from each other. As their arms fell off of each other’s bodies, their fingers disconnecting last, Jessie felt her heart crack. Staring at each other, Kai finally broke their silence. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be happy?”

His eyes searched hers and she shrugged; his happiness mattered more to her anyway. Frowning at her answer, he shook his head. “Maybe you should start seeing someone too. I mean, you shouldn’t have to be alone…through this. Maybe that would make this easier…for both of us.”

Looking away from her, his face seemed torn over the idea of her being with someone else. Jessie really didn’t want to think about herself with someone else either. She just couldn’t see anyone who could live up to the man before her. But she shouldn’t think that, and she definitely couldn’t tell Kai that.

She shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it, his eyes still on the floor. “Who would I go out with, Kai?” He peeked his eyes up at her, his face a little disbelieving. Maybe he thought she had a little black book tucked away with pages and pages of men eagerly waiting for a phone call from her? She let out a soft chuckle at how untrue that was. “You have any roommates I don’t know about?”

Smiling a little, he shook his head. Leaning back on the counter behind him, he said, “No…the one perk of having a studio apartment.”

Jessie smiled at seeing his slight grin. Without thinking, she rolled her eyes and muttered, “I suppose I could call up Jeremy.” She grimaced, knowing that the horn dog probably would take her back, as long as he got some.

“No!”

Jessie blinked at Kai’s reaction. He straightened, his eyes hard as he shook his head. Reaching out a hand, he clutched her fingers. With a softer voice he said, “No, don’t lower yourself for that douche, Jessie. You’re too good for him.” By the tone in his voice, it was painfully clear that he thought Jessie was too good for anyone…except, maybe him.

She sighed as his thumb stroked the back of her hand. Feeling that tension building again, Kai cracked a small smile and added, “You could always start seeing Harmony?” His smile widened as his fingers interlaced with hers.

Jessie grinned and laughed at his comment. Feeling the last of her nerves disappear and a warmth flow in behind it, she gazed at him, admired him, and cared for him, in the only way their relationship would allow…from a distance. “Cute.”

“Oh, Jessica Marie, you’re here to check on me too, I see.”

Shock flew up Jessie’s spine and she twitched, turning her head to see her elderly grandmother waddle into the door. Jessie and Kai simultaneously dropped each other’s hands and stepped even farther than the couple feet apart that they’d been standing. Slapping on a warm smile, her heart racing, Jessie walked over to help her through the door. “Morning, Grams. How are you feeling?”

The old woman snorted, shifting her gaze from Kai standing back against the counter, to Jessie forcing her arm securely around hers. “I’m fine. Besides feeling a little smothered by the two of you worrywarts, I’m perfect.”

She narrowed her eyes at the two of them, her wrinkled brow looking suspicious. “Everything alright here?”

Jessie swallowed, biting back the flare-up of terror building in her body. Her grandmother could not know about them. Free spirited or not, she would surely have a problem with her grandchildren lusting for each other.  “Of course, Grams. Kai and I were just…going over his date with April.”

Jessie cringed right after the words left her lips. Why the hell did she just give her grandmother that opening? As the sprightly woman jumped all over it, wanting to hear all about the woman she was sure was going to be the future Mrs. Kai Harper, a thought that soured Jessie’s stomach, Kai gave Jessie a disbelieving look too.

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it if Kai and April were forefront on her mind. And now that Grams only wanted to talk about it, thanks to her, it was forefront on everyone’s mind for the rest of the afternoon.

Just as Kai and Jessie were headed out for the evening, saying their goodbyes to their grandmother, Kai’s phone started chirping. Pulling it from his coat pocket, he glanced at the number, silenced it, and put it back in his pocket. Jessie cringed, knowing who had just called him.

While he walked with her to her truck, she asked him about it. “April called?”

Sighing, he slowed at the front of her truck. Resting his hand on the hood, he studiously watched his fingers circle a ding in the paint. “Yeah, I didn’t want to answer it with you…”

Jessie sighed too. “It’s okay…to talk to her in front of me.  She was probably calling to set up another date. She’s anxious to see you again.”

Kai startled and looked back at her. “Really? I didn’t think she had the best time.” He looked away, scrunching his face, like he hadn’t meant to bring up the date again.

Jessie frowned, remembering April at the table this morning going over and over the part she had liked. “Some of it…appealed to her,” she whispered. Twisting back to her again, Kai looked about to start apologizing again. Not letting him even start, Jessie spoke first, “You’re seeing her now, you’ll need to talk to her, and if you and I are going to still hang out, then you should feel free to do that in front of me.”

Kai slowly let his breath out as he studied her face. “It feels…disrespectful,” he whispered.

Jessie’s heart started hammering at the look on his face, but she pushed it back, forcing herself to say the words that needed to be said, no matter how much they hurt. “It’s not disrespectful to talk to the woman that you’re dating. And you and I aren’t…anything.”

His hand came up to cup her cheek. He muttered something under his breath that almost sounded like, “Aren’t we?”

He drew closer to her and she drew closer to him. Within a foot of each other, her heart nearly leaping from her chest, her breath fast and shaky, she tried to look anywhere but his lips. But she couldn’t. They were slightly parted, the breath flowing from them fast and ragged as well, and they pulled all of her attention. They were the most inviting pair of lips she’d ever seen.

They were nearly on hers when they suddenly shifted to her cheek. She gasped, inhaling quickly, relishing the heat and hating it at the same time. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was more appropriate than where her thoughts had been.

Needing to leave, his lips still touching her face, she breathily whispered, “Goodnight…cousin.” Then she opened her truck door and left her grandmother’s house as quickly as her truck would allow her, without even waiting for a response from him.

After that, Kai listened to Jessie, and answered all of the phone calls he got from April. That was when Jessie started to notice something about her good friend that she hadn’t really noticed before. She liked to talk on the phone…a lot.

When Jessie had gone to the store and found an unbelievable ‘buy one, get two free’ deal on Kai’s favorite canned meat, she’d snagged a bunch for him. Later that evening when she’d gone to his place to drop it off, he’d been on the phone with April as he opened the door.  He’d given her an apologetic smile and had tried to get off the phone with the chatty girl. It had taken him three tries to successfully disengage from the conversation.

When Jessie was at home, watching a little mindless TV, April would be sitting beside her on the couch, laughing on the phone, obviously talking with Kai. Jessie bit her cheek as she watched her friend twirl a strand of her hair, subconsciously flirting with a man who couldn’t even see her. But phone calls were pretty much all April got from Kai that week after their first date.

Since Kai was busy with work and Grams, they weren’t seeing each other again until Saturday night. April wasn’t thrilled about their dates being a week apart; she was a little anxious to speed up their relationship. But Kai seemed content with the slow pace. Jessie found it interesting that even though his work did keep him out late during the week sometimes, and even though a lot of his free time was spent at Gram’s house, Kai always made time to see Jessie.

They met up at Gram’s house to jointly watch a movie with her a couple of times. On the second night, Grams glanced at where they were sitting on the couch, a respectable distance between each other. Smirking, she asked, “Kai, dear, shouldn’t you spend a little time with your girlfriend, instead of always hanging around a couple of Harper girls?”

Both of them cringed slightly, but Kai shrugged as he looked over at Grams. “April and I are just casual right now, Gran.” Looking over at Jessie, he softly added, “Besides, I like spending my free time with Harper girls.”

Those words passing his lips had warmed Jessie considerably.

In the middle of the week, he called Jessie and asked her if she wanted to go exploring the city with him. Getting home right around the time she’d gotten off work, he met her at the clinic’s parking lot, a huge, adventurous smile on his face. Laughing at his enthusiasm, Jessie hopped on his bike and proceeded to show him the numerous beauties that her city had to offer.

They drove past Denver Museum of Nature and Science, a beautiful building that Jessie thought Kai would appreciate, even if it was closed. Clearly delighted, he was eager to go back when it was open. She showed him the Botanical Gardens, the Art Museum, and Coors Field. Grinning ear to ear, Kai made her promise to take him to a baseball game in the summer. Laughingly, they started making future weekend plans to visit all of the places they were driving past. Jessie was beginning to look forward to weekends again, knowing that she would get at least a little of his time.

Since it was the last week it would be open for the season, they ended up spending the bulk of the night at Elitch Gardens Theme Park. They played the games and tried out all of the different rides, right up until the place closed, even lingering on the grounds until someone escorted them out. They just hadn’t wanted the evening to stop.

Jessie woke up exhausted the next day, but exhilarated too. It had been an amazing evening for both of them. But upon seeing April’s face at the breakfast table, a little glum as she checked her phone for messages that weren’t there, Jessie felt really guilty too. Running around the city with him, holding hands and laughing, wasn’t exactly helping him have a relationship with April.

Jessie cringed as she considered that their night had almost been a date. It wasn’t, she was only showing her cousin around town, but thinking back to them sharing long looks and him constantly brushing a stray curl out of her face…well, that hadn’t been quite so cousinly. And as much as she enjoyed their time spent together, that underlying tension was always there between them. That hunger and passion that they both struggled to push back.

April did unknowingly diffuse it at times. She’d call right as they were gazing at each other a little too long. She’d text him right as he was cupping her cheek. And late Friday night, when they’d been sitting on his bed side-by-side, watching an old black and white movie, April had inadvertently stopped them from caving into that tension.

Kai was staring at her and she was staring at him, the movie in the background playing some melodramatic scene that Jessie wasn’t even listening to. She was only hearing her heart thump in her chest, only feeling her breath pass over her lips. And Kai…she was very aware of him.

They were sitting with their hips touching, not having started out that way, but over the course of the movie they’d inched together. They were leaning against his headboard and, somehow, his arm had snuck around behind Jessie, his thumb rubbing a circle into her low back. Jessie’s knees were propped up, her hands tightly clutching them to her chest. Mainly out of fear. Because she knew that if she relaxed her grip on her knees, those hands would drift to his face - that beautiful face that was staring down at her, watching her as intently as they’d been watching the movie…at the beginning.

She sighed as her eyes flicked between his. Jessie wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against her…and not on her cheek this time. She wanted them enclosed over hers. She wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything, and it still made her ill to want it.

Kai sighed too, his eyes clearly telling her that he wanted it too. Jessie knew that she had to get up, had to leave him, before the feeling overwhelmed them both. She made a move to stand, but Kai made a move too and she froze. Kai’s move wasn’t to get up. Kai’s move was to lean towards her. Her lips parted as she felt him draw nearer. Her already fast heart dangerously quickened. His breath brushed over her face, light and fast. Achingly slow, he bent towards her.

Careful to not let any other part of their bodies move, their faces touched. Jessie let a small gasp escape her as their noses, cheeks and foreheads brushed against the other. It was achingly erotic, worse than him just flat-out kissing her, and desire shot right through her, sickeningly igniting her. He hissed in a quick breath, exhaling in a low groan, and Jessie knew he was feeling the ache too. Clenching her hands to her jeans so she wouldn’t grab him and start shucking off his clothes, she moaned lightly as his cheek ran across hers.

Feeling herself losing control, her breath nearly in pant mode, she moved her face to find his lips. He exhaled raggedly, his face adjusting to find hers as well. When his breath was entering her open mouth, mingling with her own, and she was positive that they wouldn’t be able to stop this in time, his ear-splittingly loud cell phone broke the building tension in the air.

Jessie gasped, their lips just brushing together before they both pulled back. Staring at each other with matching expressions of shock and concern, Kai finally twisted around to find his obnoxious phone. Jessie brought her hands to her face as he slapped his over the annoying thing on his nightstand. As he opened the phone, his eyes back on Jessie, she ran her hand through her hair repeatedly. That had been too close, much too close.

“Yeah?” His voice came out strained and fast, obviously distressed. Swallowing a few times, he closed his eyes and struggled for calm. Minutely he pulled away from Jessie. She did the same. They needed a little space; that was the whole point of him being with April.

“No, I’m fine…I’m glad you called, April.”

His eyes opened and he gave Jessie a remorseful face. She looked away, a good dose of guilt now adding to her turmoil. Needing to walk off the remaining tension and desire in her body, she stood up. Kai hugged his knees to his chest as he watched her pace beside the bed.

Watching him listen to April for awhile, Jessie finally felt herself come down from that fateful moment; sadness crept in when she did. Kai’s eyes matched hers as he made agreeing noises into the phone. Then he blinked and cocked his head. “Costume party?” Jessie tilted her head while Kai frowned. “Halloween…right. Okay, I’ll pick you up at six.”

Kai listened for a minute more and then smiled softly. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, April.” Shutting the phone, he tossed it on the bed. Staring at it, he ran a hand through his hair. “She, uh, just wanted to let me know about tomorrow.” He glanced up at Jessie, his eyes looking sorry again. Then he frowned. “She’s taking me to a Halloween costume party.”

He let out an unhappy huff, resting both arms across his knees. Jessie smiled softly at seeing his displeasure, then felt guilty that he wasn’t looking forward to his date. She wanted him to be with April. She had to keep reminding herself of that. “I hate dressing up,” he muttered.

Jessie smiled wider; she hated dressing up too. Sitting on the very edge of the bed, as far away from him as she could, she shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll have fun. What is she making you wear?” Jessie wanted to cringe that she was assuring him he’d have a good time on his date, right after they’d almost kissed…again.

Shaking his head, his hand came up to run through his hair again. “You’re going to laugh.” Jessie bit her lip to make herself not smile, glad that he was the one being subjected to this and not her. He frowned at her face and then genuinely smiled. “She’s dressing me as a pirate.” Groaning dramatically, he leaned back on the headboard. “She wants to be a slutty bar wench and she seems to think I’ll look good as Captain Jack.” He twisted his lips, shaking his head.

Jessie smiled, then frowned. Kai would look good as a pirate, but April… Jessie had seen her dress for Halloween before, and she was going to look…unbelievable. Jessie felt her eyes sting as she considered that this time tomorrow night, those lips that had been so tantalizingly close to hers, would most likely be all over April’s. She sighed. And they should be.

Hearing her sigh, Kai dropped his hands to his lap. “Jessie,” he whispered, bringing her focus back to his face. “I’m sorry about…” He indicated the space beside him, where she’d been sitting. Jessie nodded, not having any words.  Clearing his throat, he adjusted himself awkwardly. “Do you…do you want to finish the movie?” he asked quietly, his eyes looking like he wanted her to say yes and no.

Jessie exhaled slowly. She did. More than anything she wanted to crawl into his lap and cuddle into his arms. She wanted his warmth wrapped around her. But she also wanted his body all over hers. She wanted them wrapped together in intimate ways that they couldn’t be. She wanted him to arouse her, then wanted him inside of her. Then she wanted him to release his lust and desire for her, deep within her. It sickened her, how badly she wanted it. Biting her lip, she shook her head, knowing she couldn’t be here any longer.

“I think I should go,” she whispered.

He looked down, understanding. Jessie stood and made to leave, then turned back to him; he was still looking down. Walking over to him slowly, he lifted his head as she drew near. “Goodbye, cousin,” she whispered, leaning down.

She purely intended to kiss his cheek.  That was all she’d allow herself. But as they drew together, she couldn’t make herself twist to the side like he had, not with the lingering fire in her body. Her lips went straight to his. Kai closed his eyes, not able to turn away either. Her hand came up to his cheek as they met - soft, full, wondrous. A perfect kiss. Perfect and awful, because it never should have happened.

Feeling sick, Jessie left him on that bed, his eyes still closed.

The following night, Jessie felt anxious. Both because of the soft kiss that never should have taken place between her and Kai the night before, and because April was in the bathroom, putting the finishing touches on her costume. She’d spent a good chunk of the morning getting everything that she needed for her outfit and instructing Kai on where to get his. They were going to a club downtown that was having a costume party and April was determined to win it.

Watching April walk down the hall when she was finished, Jessie thought they might have a good chance. April looked amazing. Sexy and alluring, she had taken the slutty bar wench theme to extremes. She wasn’t the most buxom person, but she seemed to pour out of her laced-up peasant top, the edge of her black bra peeking through. Her long black hair was curled and arranged in such a way that half of it wrapped around to all spill over her bare shoulder. The long, tight skirt she wore was slit up both thighs, all the way to the top, and most of her shapely legs were showing. She was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings underneath it that had been strategically ripped in all of the right places. Black, thigh high boots, a wide belt, and gaudy, but authentic, jewelry completed the outfit.

Grinning, she did a little twirl for Jessie in the middle of the room. Jessie made herself nod approval when what she really wanted to tell her friend was to go put some more clothes on. She couldn’t exactly tell her that without sounding like her mother though.

As Jessie sighed at her seductive friend, the doorbell rang. Jessie’s heart dropped. Kai was here, but not for her.

April giggled and walked to the door. Practically skipping as she opened it, she squealed when she saw Kai.

Jessie stood up, torn between leaving and staying. She watched Kai give April a warm smile and then a soft hug. Over April’s shoulder, his eyes met and held Jessie’s.

Her breath stopped at the look in them. If April ever saw that look, she’d know for sure that something had happened between her and Kai. His blue-green eyes were sad and wistful, like he’d rather have Jessie in his arms. The look only reaffirmed to Jessie that, even though this was hard, Kai dating was a good thing. He shouldn’t want her in that way, just like she shouldn’t want him.

Kai and April pulled apart, his gaze refocusing on his date. His sad face shifted to a small smile of appreciation for the beauty in front of him. Even though his smile was a contained one, Jessie hated seeing that look directed towards anyone else.

April yanked him through the front door, joyous over his outfit. Kai groaned wearily as she spun him around. Jessie had to bite her lip. She generally didn’t do the whole dress up thing, but Kai looked…pretty amazing as a pirate.

April had him in scruffy, well-worn black trousers, heavy black boots over the top. A colorful scarf belt matched the ribbon color around April’s neck, and loosely tied halfway drown his chest, a white, lacey, bell-sleeved shirt exposed a good portion of Kai’s skin, although, not a speck of his tattoo. Over that was a black vest topped off with a long coat. He had on enough gaudy jewelry to rival April’s, but the kicker, and the part that Kai seemed the least happy about, was the ridiculous hat. Wide brimmed with a band around the middle that matched his belt, it completed the look; it even had a feather.

As April clapped her hands and squealed again, thrilled over her date’s appearance, Jessie watched Kai sigh. He didn’t look very happy. Not noticing, April exclaimed that she had to get her purse and touch up her makeup, then they could go.

Jessie walked over to him once she left the room. Crossing her arms over her chest as a precaution, just so she wouldn’t touch him, she nodded at his outfit. “You look good,” she whispered.

He gave her a glum look. “I feel like an idiot.” Jessie cracked a smile, but didn’t say anything. He looked anything but.

As Jessie stood before him, Kai looked down at the floor, kicking a nonexistent object with his boot. “Hey…um, yesterday…” He peeked up at her, biting his lip and looking very apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

Jessie wanted to sigh. Yesterday hadn’t been just his fault. They’d both given in. Shaking her head, she whispered, “It wasn’t all you, Kai.” She looked away from him, the memory of his lips briefly on hers too fresh, too wonderful and too horrible. “We’ve got to stop this from happening. We can’t…be like that.”

He stepped towards her, nodding his head but not saying anything. Jessie was relieved that he didn’t want to delve into their complicated feelings. As she looked him over, she instantly remembered their kiss, and the fact that it would soon be replaced by April’s. Even if he didn’t initiate it, Jessie was one hundred percent positive that April would. Her eyes started to water and she quickly looked away.

His hand came out, resting on her arm, and Jessie peeked up at him. His unbelievable eyes flicked over her face, looking worried. “Are you okay with this tonight? Are you sure you’re okay?” he whispered.

Jessie watched this man before her, a man about to go off and have an amazing night with one of her best friends. A friend that Jessie knew really liked him. Hating how hard the situation they were in was, hating that she had to share him, hating that she didn’t want to share him, Jessie swallowed and slowly nodded her head. “Yesterday only goes to show that you and I need this…buffer between us.” Her voice cracked a little on the word buffer.

Kai’s eyes narrowed at hearing it and his hand shifted to her cheek. “Are we okay?” he asked, more intently.  He stepped into her, his head coming closer to hers. “Please, tell me we’re okay, Jessie. Seeing April isn’t worth it to me if…if we’re not okay.”

Jessie swallowed again, her hand coming up to rest over his. Of course they were okay. They were too okay, that was the problem. They were perfect for each other, perfectly matched, perfectly balanced. But they couldn’t be anything more than what they were - cousins. Peeking up at him, she muttered, “You and I are always okay, Kai, no matter what. That’s a part of being family.”

Kai pulled back to look at her, his face so torn it nearly broke Jessie’s heart. Pulling his hand from her cheek, she nodded and forced a smile. He had to do this. He had to leave with April and had to try and make a connection with her that would break this thing between them. He had to…or they’d eventually cave to this, and hate themselves.

Letting his fingers fall away from hers, Kai nodded. As Jessie took a step away from him, April trounced back into the room. Clutching her purse, she dug in and pulled out her keys. Giving Kai an admonishing glance, she pointed the keys at him. “We’re taking my car this time.” She grinned as she looked back at Jessie. “No more helmet hair for this girl.”

Kai sighed again as she grabbed his hand. April waved goodbye to Jessie, then opened the door, yanking Kai through it. Before he disappeared, he looked back at Jessie watching them leave.

“Goodnight, Jessie,” he said softly.

Jessie nodded, words not even possible. The door closing separated him from her vision and Jessie couldn’t make herself move to a window to watch him leave this time. She couldn’t move at all. She just kept staring at the door, waiting for him to come back through it. Waiting for him to tell her that he couldn’t go off with April. Waiting for him to say that he was hopelessly, madly in love with her. But she knew that he wouldn’t do that, even if he did feel that way. He wouldn’t do that because he’d told Jessie that he would try with April. Because neither one of them were going to willingly give into this taboo feeling that was only escalating between them.

No, because he cared deeply for Jessie, Kai would make himself see another woman. As the sound of April’s car starting and leaving filled Jessie’s ears, she finally found the strength to move. She shuffled off to bed, collapsing into it and burying her head under the covers. Even though she tried to block the image, all she could think about was Kai dancing with April - his hands on her body, his fingers running up her back, and his lips lingering over her mouth.

Her stomach hurt by the time she finally passed out, exhausted.

Chapter   15

The Third Date

Jessie smiled at her grandmother doing a small dance in front of her. The old woman was flapping her scrawny arms around and shuffling her feet side to side in a sort of loose interpretation of the world famous chicken dance. Jessie knew that the independent woman was trying to convince her that she was completely healed, and that she didn’t need either Jessie or Kai dropping in on her every day. Jessie had been hearing this every time she did check on her, which was at least every other day since her grandmother had injured herself, four weeks ago.

Jessie contained giggles as she watched her grams strut her ancient stuff around her living room. She was humming merrily, thoroughly playing up the healthy and vibrant image of herself that she wanted Jessie to believe. Jessie knew that she was tough, but she saw the occasional flinches of pain in her jaw when she shimmied her hip the wrong way.

Jessie lost control of her laughs when her grams started shaking her booty. “Oh, all right, you’re a healed woman. Got it, please stop doing that now.” Jessie held her stomach as her laughs consumed her. She gave into it, enjoying the feeling of lightheartedness for a change. She hadn’t been feeling that much lately.

Her personal life for the past few weeks since Grams accident had been hard and confusing on Jessie, especially the past week. The past week had twisted Jessie up in ways she couldn’t even fully express. And she couldn’t talk to anyone about it either. Well, no one but Kai, that was. But since Kai was the focal point of her torment, she couldn’t exactly talk to him about it. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway if she talked to him, since they were both agreed that what he was doing was for the best.

And the worst part was that what he was doing was all Jessie’s stupid idea in the first place. She’d convinced him, time and again, that he should give April a chance.

Jessie had cried after watching him leave with April for their second date. She hadn’t wanted to, but lying in bed, imagining them together, the tears had come regardless. April had looked more gorgeous than Jessie had ever seen her, and that was saying a lot. And she knew that Kai noticed April, what guy wouldn’t? It hurt to see, but really, it was all the better if he was attracted to April. Lord knows she was attracted to him. Once again, Jessie had heard all about their date the next morning over breakfast.

While their first date had been sort of a letdown for April, the second date was not.

On their first go round, Kai had taken her to Red Rocks. Jessie had been to numerous concerts at the open-air amphitheater and knew that it was one of those things that was a marvel to behold. A place that truly showcased nature’s beauty, and only emphasized Kai’s feelings of living at peace with nature, instead of fighting against it. Being there, nestled among the monolith rocks, stone steps, and the most incredible panoramic view of Denver anywhere, it was the perfect spot for a first date and it was perfectly…Kai.

At least, that’s what Jessie thought. While April had nothing but wonderful things to say about Kai afterwards, she complained over and over about his choice of location, listing everything from the bugs in her face to the dirt on her ass. Jessie still couldn’t understand how her friend hadn’t loved it. It sounded like a perfectly romantic evening to her.

Perhaps afraid of what Kai would come up with for a second date, April had planned that outing. So, all decked out in their swashbuckling gear, they’d taken off in April’s Jetta. Looking back at that moment a few days later had clenched Jessie’s stomach painfully. Because looking back at the two of them walking off together, Jessie had finally noticed something. They looked good together. Not just good…they looked amazing together. Their similar ethnicities complimented the others and looking at them as a pair, they looked completely natural together, striking even.

Over breakfast, April had let the entire house know just how closely they’d danced together all night, how his hands had slipped over her body perfectly, like he already knew her intimately. Between dance sets, they’d shared quiet conversations over drinks in the back corner, and April couldn’t get over the fact that he would let her go on and on without ever interrupting her. Then, right at midnight, they’d won the stupid costume contest. Getting to prance about on the small stage with Kai had been April’s favorite part of the evening.

Well, no, that wasn’t true. Her favorite part had been afterwards, in the car. They’d come back to the house and parked in the driveway. Then April had lost whatever inhibitions she didn’t really have, and had thrown herself on him. But from her story, it was quite clear that he’d reciprocated. Jessie had clenched her legs under the table, listening to April describe his kissing technique; she’d even given herself a deep blue bruise on her thigh.

It hurt so much. Jessie would never have imagined how hard it was to see and hear him moving forward with someone else. Kai had called her the day after his date and she’d met him for lunch and a tour of the museum he’d wanted to see. He never mentioned his night before when he was with her, but the tension of it was in the air. The whole day had felt different to Jessie. Like, even though she wasn’t there, somehow, April was there. Her spirit was there, hovering between them, and for once, they’d managed to keep a respectful distance.

That killed Jessie too, but really, it was the whole point of him seeing April, to break the connection they sometimes had. Even if Kai was only mildly interested in April, he needed to keep seeing her, because it was having an effect on them. A horribly painful effect, but an effect.

After their afternoon together, Kai had gotten busy with work and Jessie had gone a few days without seeing him. She talked with him on the phone often, him checking in on her at least once a day, almost like he needed the constant reassurance that they really were still okay. She also heard of him through April, who took every free moment she had to call him, since she wasn’t seeing him either. It annoyed April that their dates were being spaced so far apart, but he routinely told her that he didn’t have time for another date until the weekend. And lastly, Jessie heard about him through Grams, as he stopped by her place on the way home most nights, and Grams told Jessie about his visits.

Coming back to the present, Jessie watched her lively grandmother settle into her favorite chair, needing to sit down, even if she’d never admit it. A sad smile was on Jessie’s face as she watched the woman, her earlier laughs subsided.

A small sigh escaped her. While she talked to him once or twice a day, Jessie was starting to really miss Kai. She really missed the quiet moments that they used to share, back when it was just the two of them in their relationship and she felt really bad that she couldn’t let it go. She needed to let that go. She had to share him, she had no other choice. They couldn’t be anything more to each other than close family.

“My dear, you look troubled. Something wrong?” Jessie’s grandma gave her a concerned face as she settled her hip into a comfortable position. Jessie stopped another sigh and made herself smile and shake her head. Grams didn’t seem to buy it; she raised an eyebrow at her. “Boy trouble?”

Jessie rolled her eyes. Since Kai had started dating April, Grams had felt like she’d successfully placed one grandchild on the path to happiness, even though Jessie had done the actual placing, and she’d turned her aged eyes to Jessie, now anxious to see her paired off with some guy. “No, Grams, and stop trying to set me up with someone.” She sighed in exasperation, letting all of her frustrations about Kai and April seep into it. “Some guy named Simon called me last night? Said his mother was a friend of yours?”

Jessie’s grandmother smiled wider, her wrinkled face looking much more youthful with her glee. “Oh good, that’s Susan’s boy. You know, my nurse from the hospital. She said he might call you.”

Jessie sighed and sank down into a chair across from her. “Yeah, well he did…and no, I’m not going out with him.”

Grams looked about to protest but Jessie shot her a warning glare; she was not in the mood to be bugged about dating. Not when she had to endure thoughts of Kai’s mouth all over April’s. Having to listen to her exclaim how “freaking unbelievable” of a kisser he was, just about made Jessie ill.

Changing her line of questioning, Grams narrowed her eyes at Jessie. “So, do you and Kai still get to see each other a lot since he started seeing that girl?” Patting Jessie’s leg, she added, “I know you were worried about that.”

Jessie made herself smile, but it felt sad, even to her. Why did Grams always have to bring up Kai? Jessie almost wished she would bug her about Simon. She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, just last weekend we went to the museum…but…I don’t know, he’s busy getting to know April…and busy with work.” She made herself chuckle; it sounded hollow. “I thought I wouldn’t lose him as much if I set him up with my roommate, but…” she unintentionally frowned while she shrugged again, “it’s just different now. There are three of us in the relationship, and it used to just be me and Kai.” She didn’t mention that that was sort of the point of him seeing April.

Jessie’s grandmother frowned and rested her hands on her lap. She adjusted her hip again and Jessie instinctually stood and got her a pillow to put under her body. Grams smiled at her and then her face turned serious. “But you still talk often?” Jessie nodded absently as she helped ease the woman’s pain. Grams was silent for a long moment, then asked, “Is he happy? With April? With work?”

Jessie paused in helping her get comfortable. She’d emphasized work more than April. Jessie thought back to meeting his boss, and Kai’s comment that he didn’t think the man liked him. Thinking about that, Jessie sat back down. “Well, I think he’s happy in general. And he and April…are just starting, so I don’t know about that…yet.” Nor did she really want to dwell on it. She brought a finger to her lip, tapping it while she thought. “But work…I don’t know. He said something strange once.”

Grams leaned forward, her eyes wide. “What?”

Her voice was so curious and worried that Jessie blinked at seeing it. More worried about her grandmother falling off the couch, Jessie shrugged and quickly answered with, “He just said he didn’t think his boss liked him. And when I met him, he did seem odd around Kai. I mean, I told him his eyes matched Kai’s and he practically ran away.”

Jessie shrugged again, concerned over her grandmother’s face. She got even more concerned when her face completely paled and she sat back on the couch, closing her eyes. Looking like she was tearing up, Jessie scrunched her brows and quietly asked, “Are you okay, Grams?”

Opening them, her grandmother looked back at her with aged, tired eyes. “Just feeling that pain now, Jessica Marie.” Reaching over, she patted her knee again. “Could you get some more pills for me, dear?” Jessie nodded and stood to go get them. Her grandmother grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “Don’t let Kai get so involved in a woman that he slips away from you. He needs you, Jessica. He needs his family too.”

Her eyes were intent on Jessie’s and Jessie swallowed and nodded, confused. She wasn’t sure that she could stay close to Kai, especially if things picked up with him and April. But Grams was right, he was family and if Grams said he needed her, then she had every intention of being there for him. She just had no idea what Grams meant by that, or why her face was so intensely serious when she said it.

Jessie thought about it all the way home. The look on Gram’s face, the tenor of her voice. She’d completely meant what she’d said, almost like she was anticipating a tragedy in Kai’s life. Jessie wondered what that could possibly be…right up until she pulled into her driveway. Then she forgot all about it. Staring at Kai’s bike on the curb, she forgot all about her grandmother’s odd statement and thought about another troubling one.

It was Saturday again and Kai and April had another date. Kai and April were going on their third date. And everyone knows what happens on the third date. Well, everyone who knows April, knows what happens on the third date, if not sooner. She knew from listening to April’s Kai-date breakdowns that it hadn’t happened yet, hadn’t gotten anywhere near happening yet. But April liked Kai and April liked sex, and she was determined to combine the two things she liked tonight.

She’d also mentioned that to Jessie over breakfast this morning. Jessie hadn’t been able to eat anything all day long.

Jessie hated it. Hated thinking about another woman’s hands on his body, the body that had last been touched and caressed by her. She hated that she would be erased from his body. Not that there was still actually any physical part of Jessie left on Kai, or Kai left in Jessie, but she liked to imagine that the last person we were with, somehow stayed with you. Like their essence stayed a part of you, until it was replaced with another. And Jessie was fairly certain that Kai hadn’t slept with anyone else yet. Not that he would probably mention that to Jessie, but with how close they were, and how he’d reacted to her asking about his coworker, and how slow he was going with April, Jessie just knew there was no one else.

But, although Jessie wasn’t sure what Kai felt about April, she knew that April would be persistent on this, and she knew that Kai was making an effort to move past Jessie. And sex was how guys…moved on.

Jessie hated thinking about it…and couldn’t stop. It still filled her with revulsion when she thought of her and Kai’s one night stand, but it gave her a warm feeling too. She knew on some level she had deep feelings for him, and she knew that she shouldn’t. So, as hard as it was to watch him be with April, as hard as it was going to be to listen to April talk about their incredible sex life nonstop, Jessie had to endure it. It was the only way for the both of them to let go.

Pushing back the tears that had started to form with just the thought of it, Jessie tore her eyes from his bike and prepared herself to see her cousin again. Small butterflies tickled her stomach as she opened her front door. Wrong as it was, seeing him still affected her, even after all these weeks, even after seeing him less and less. Just the fact that the feeling hadn’t gone away yet, was further proof to Jessie that they were on the right course. She had to get to a point with him where just the thought of seeing his face, didn’t make her want to squeal like a schoolgirl.

Walking into her home, Jessie steeled herself to be okay with whatever she might see. Immediately looking into the living room, her eyes automatically imagining that it was where Kai and April were sucking face, she let out a soft exhale when she discovered the room empty. Thinking the two of them were in the kitchen, Jessie turned to go to her bedroom; she really didn’t want to see the two of them laughing and making small talk before they headed out to destinations unknown. She’d seen enough of that the last two Saturdays to last a lifetime.

Twisting her body away from where she thought they were, she ended up facing them. Not in the kitchen at all, Jessie stared in shock as Kai and April stood at the far end of the hallway, in front of Jessie’s bedroom door. As April’s room was directly across from hers, they were also standing in front of April’s bedroom door. Jessie’s heart started pounding. Oh, god, they were bypassing the date and headed straight to the finish line. Jessie wanted to run, but she couldn’t move.

April had him cornered at the end of the hall. She was leaning into Kai, pressing as much of her body as she could against him. She leaned up and touched her lips to his. He seemed a little uncomfortable with the contact and didn’t return the kiss. But he didn’t pull away either. Neither one seemed to notice Jessie standing at the other end of the hall.

April smiled, undaunted, and leaned up again, peppering him with light kisses. Kai relaxed noticeably, his lips beginning to partially move with hers. Jessie was horrified, watching their progressing connection. But still, she knew it was right for Kai to move on, to find a romance somewhere else since they couldn’t have one. As she stupidly continued watching, she noticed that Kai was tentative, not nearly as into it as April, who was starting to get far more aggressive.

Just as Jessie thought to leave them alone, her heart leadening, Kai paused, like he was contemplating something. Then, some silent decision reached, his hand came around to April’s waist and for the first time that Jessie had ever seen, he leaned down to her, initiating the contact. Jessie watched in horror as Kai’s mouth moved intently over her friend’s. Feeling a surge of the exact same betrayal that had flashed through her when she’d caught Jeremy screwing that other woman, she started moving down the hall.

Fire burned in Jessie’s belly. Seeing it, knowing where it was going to end up, turned out to be more than she could handle. Knowing she was out of line, out of place, and possibly deranged, she walked right up to the starting-to-make-out pair.

“Hey, you guys mind not doing that right in front of my bedroom.” Jessie wasn’t sure which person her comment was directed at. Both looked up at her – April looked annoyed at the intrusion, Kai looked like he’d just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Jessie focused her question more intently on him. “Are you going to go on your date, or are you going to make out in the hall all night?”

April was the one that responded though. “Oh, hey, Jessie. Kai and I…were just getting ready to leave. I thought you were hanging out at your grandmother’s house tonight?”

“I changed my mind.” Jessie swung her eyes down to her suggestively smirking friend. “Don’t leave on my account, April. All you’ve talked about since you first saw Kai was getting into his pants. Why bother with the formality of an actual date, when you could just screw him right here on the floor?”

April bristled as she pulled away from him, Kai looked torn. “Wow, bitchy much? Why are you getting so bent out of shape?  So what if we…want to get to know each other?” She shimmied her hips seductively, grinding her ass into Kai’s lap in the process. He took a short step back, seemingly unsure what he was supposed to do. Jessie wasn’t sure either, and her confusion only made her angrier.

“Don’t be whore, April, have some self respect,” she snapped at her friend.

April looked like she’d just physically assaulted her. “What? Seriously, you are gonna use that word on me? That’s interesting, coming from a girl who just a few weeks ago fucked a total stranger whose name she can’t even completely remember. At least I’ve gone on a couple of dates with him.” She jerked her thumb back at Kai. He closed his eyes.

Jessie sputtered, then said, “I wasn’t the one walking around with a condom in my pocket that night!”

April’s eyes narrowed as she stepped into Jessie. “That pervy dude slipped it to me! And I may have had it, but you’re the one that used it!” She poked her finger into Jessie’s chest. Jessie started a rebuttal, but April was riled up now and beat her to it. “Am I not good enough to screw your cousin? Is that it? You just don’t want me near your family?”

Jessie was hating this entire conversation, hating fighting with her friend and roommate, having her repeatedly pointing out Kai’s DNA. She didn’t want to think about that right now. Jessie had a scathing comment on her lips, but Kai stepped forward and grabbed her elbow. Bristling, she tried to pull away from him, but he firmly held her against him.

Looking back at April, he told her, “Jessie and I need to talk for a minute.”

Leaving an angry, sputtering April in the hall, he twisted Jessie and walked them into Jessie’s bedroom. Pushing Jessie through first, he walked in and closed the door behind them. Jessie’s chest was heaving as she watched him turn around to face her. He finally looked angry. “What are you doing? Do you want her to remember that it was me at the club? Do you want her to know about us?”

Knowing she was being jealous and irrational, she sputtered, “What were you doing? Were you going to sleep with her? Already?” She knew that sounded ridiculous, since April was right, and she’d slept with him much, much sooner.

He looked behind himself, at the closed door. Jessie could just make out April screeching to Harmony in the kitchen, then stalking off, most likely to complain to Harm about her. Bringing his head back around, his sea-green eyes looked incredulous. He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “You think we were about to have sex, because we were kissing?”

Jessie stepped forward a couple of spaces, closing their distance considerably. Hurt and anger clouding her common sense, she spat, “You have your third date tonight. I know what happens on third dates, I know the rule.” Jessie pointed at April’s bedroom door. “I know what was about to happen.”

Kai closed his eyes and sighed. He seemed exhausted when he opened them again. Staring at her wistfully, he said. “That’s not my rule, Jessie. I had no plans…to do anything.”

Jessie stuck her chin out, not sure why she was picking a fight with him, when he really hadn’t done anything wrong. “No plans to do anything…but kiss her. I saw you grab her. I saw you lean down to her. I saw you…kiss her.” Jessie’s eyes started to water as she replayed the event that she knew she had no right to reprimand him for. They were nothing to each other, nothing more than cousins. “And I already know you don’t mind moving fast.” Jessie felt her cheeks heat with anger and embarrassment. She shouldn’t have said that; it was really hypocritical of her.

Kai sighed again, seeming to agree with her. Stepping forward, he flung his hands out to the side. Quietly, but heatedly, he said, “I’m doing what you asked. I’m trying to have a relationship with April, to stop…this.”

He indicated the space between them and Jessie felt her cheeks flush. He was right, he was so right; she had no room to be angry. Not finished, he took another step closer and added, “I can’t date April and not ever kiss her. She’s not that type of girl, you knew that when you set me up with her.” Lowering his head, his eyes narrowed as he flicked his gaze between hers. “I’m trying to go slow with her, but April is…aggressive. I have to show her I’m somewhat interested, even if…”

He sighed and pulled back, throwing his hands up again. “I’m trying to move forward, Jessie. You said this was okay. I didn’t know you were here, I’m so sorry you had to see that, but I’m trying to do what you asked me to do!”

Jessie stepped forward until she was touching him. Just the slight act of their bodies brushing together sent fire through her body. She hated that, and loved it. Shaking her head, her eyes started stinging with pent-up tears of frustration. “I know, Kai. I know what I said. I know that I asked you to do something that you didn’t really want to do. I know that you’re doing it for us, so we can be more…like a family.”

Her voice broke on the word family and she had to swallow. Kai’s pained eyes tracked her movement. Just when he looked about to speak, she added, “But it’s too hard. I lied when I said it was okay. It’s not. I can’t stand the thought of you being with her. I hate hearing about you kissing her. And the thought of you sleeping with her…it makes me sick.”

Kai’s face softened as he sighed again. Shaking his head, he ran his hands back through his hair. “What do you want from me, Jessie? You are the one that thought placing someone between us would help. Isn’t that what you said? We needed a buffer? If April is too close to you, if seeing us is too hard, then what do we do, Jessie? Who will make this easier? Who should I be with?”

Jessie pressed against him, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks, her body compressing against his. Against everything inside of her, every single instinct she had, she whispered, “Me. You should be with me. You’re supposed to be with me.”

Kai rested his head on hers, shaking it gently. “Jess…it’s not right. I can’t… We can’t…” He sighed and didn’t say what they were both clearly feeling.  Exhaling heavily, he stared at her for long, intense moments. Then he brought a hand up to run it through her hair. She inhaled quickly, her hands still touching his face. “We can’t, Jessie…”

Then his lips crashed down to hers and the world outside stopped mattering. Her friends in the house no longer existed. The matching blood running through their bodies didn’t matter. All that mattered was his hand slowly running from her hair to her neck. All Jessie could concentrate on was that hand clenching around her, and drawing her in, forcing her lips firmly onto his. Then, everything else disappeared.

Twisting them around, he slammed her back into her bedroom door. She grunted and then groaned as his lips and body crushed against hers. Her hands drifted down his chest, then around and up his back, under his multiple layers of shirts. Letting the passion they usually pushed back flood into her, she was quickly drenched, perfectly ready for him. She wanted him. She wanted him so much.

He grunted and pushed his hips into hers. Jessie could feel his desire for her pressing into her abdomen. She wanted him lower. She wanted him inside of her. Remembering the feel of him, the fullness of him, she wanted him deep inside of her, thrusting over and over until they both cried out. Her hands trailed down his back, slipping around to his waistband. Anxiously, her fingers tried to pop open the button.

Kai exhaled with a low moan, his hand on her neck running up to grab a fistful of her hair. Tilting her head, he drove his tongue deep inside of her. Jessie whimpered with the forcefulness, the unrestraint they both felt. She pulled away from the door fractionally and he pushed her back into it with a dull thud. Her fingers, finally having unsnapped his button, flattened between them.

He groaned as she let out a soft cry. She wanted him so bad. His free hand slipped under her shirt. Ripping aside the fabric of her bra, his fingers cupped her breast. Inhaling a quick breath, Kai rested his head against hers, a low swear passing his lips. Jessie reached out with the tip of her tongue, just barely catching the edge of his upper lip.

Panting, she let out a low groan and successfully shoved her hand down the front of his open jeans, just barely squeezing in-between their smashed together bodies. She wanted to feel him. She needed to feel him. Just as he moaned in a way that made Jessie ache with the need for him to touch her, she grazed the tip of him. His fingers tightened and pinched her nipple and she cried out again, banging her head back against the door.

Slipping his hands down her body, he quickly lifted both of her legs up around his waist. They staggered forward a step and then he slammed her back into the door again. His hands slid down the knit pants she had on, cupping her backside. Jessie groaned, rubbing herself against the hardness in his jeans, his arousal finally where she needed it most. Hissing a quick breath in her ear, he exhaled in a groan as his hand ran down the back of her underwear. Jessie whimpered into his mouth then arched her back, her aching body needing him to be touching her.

She bucked against him, her back knocking harshly into the door, as his finger slipped across her wet flesh. Smashing her back up against the door, she fought for space between them so she could push his jeans down. Her overheated body needed more than one finger sliding up and down her sensitive core. She needed all of his marvelous length and width sliding inside of her. His lips attacked hers as his finger running against her picked up pace. She managed to get his jeans partially down his hips, her hand wrapping around him, just as he managed to slip his finger inside of her.

Before she could cry out in ecstasy, the door they were pressed against was knocked on.

“Uh, Jess…you guys okay?” Harmony’s voice sounded concerned.

Jessie stopped breathing, stopped moving. Her eyes popped open and she stared at Kai, his face mirroring her startlement. Then the horror of what they were doing crashed down on her. She immediately yanked her hand out of his pants and brought it up to cover her mouth. She felt like screaming, she felt like vomiting. She’d never been so conflicted.

Kai quickly set her down and took a step back, his hand also retreating from underneath her clothes. His jeans were still open, still slightly shoved down his hips as he glanced at the door, down to Jessie, then back to the door. His hands ran back through his hair as he chewed on his lip.

The knock sounded again. “Jess?”

Feeling able to breathe again, Jessie snapped back, “Yeah, Harm, we’re fine. Just…give us a minute!”

“Geeze, sorry, just checking to make sure you guys weren’t fighting or anything. There’s a lot of banging going on in there. No need to bite my head off.” She heard Harmony grumble something else, then mutter, “April would like her date back, by the way.” Then Jessie heard her walk away.

Jessie crumpled down to the floor, her knees no longer able to keep her standing. Tears sprang to her eyes as both of her hands lifted to cover her face. Barely able to still see Kai over the tips of her fingers, her hazy vision, she watched him pull up and re-button his jeans.

With one hand on his hip, he ran the other down his face. His tan skin seemed much, much paler to her. Both of them were silent as their breaths and heartbeats returned to normal. Well, as normal as they could. Jessie felt like hers would never stop frantically racing. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the door. Had she really just knowingly made out with her cousin? Had she really just shoved her hand down his pants and let him do the same to her? God, had Harmony heard any of that? They hadn’t exactly been quiet, what with their panting and groaning and door banging. Jessie could hear the TV blaring in the living room, but surely they’d heard some of that. Harmony had certainly heard enough to make her ask if they were okay.

“Jessie?” Kai finally broke the silence. Glancing up at him, she felt the tears sliding down her cheeks. Kai looked torn as he watched her visible pain. He pointed to the door she was blocking. “I should… I should go…”

A soft sob escaping her, Jessie nodded and made herself stand up. Leaning against the wall next to the door, she bit her lip to hold back the confused tears. Kai silently walked up to the door and put his hand on the knob. Hesitating, he looked over at her. “I’m sorry, Jessie,” he whispered.

Jessie felt that sob escape anyway and nodded, tears dripping off her cheeks. “I’m sorry too, Kai.”

His eyes watered, the beautiful blue-green looking a little duller than usual as he nodded. Looking defeated, he left her alone in the room. Jessie sank back to the floor, softly sobbing into her knees.

************

Kai closed the door to Jessie’s room. He could hear her, lightly crying on the other side of it. He wanted to sink to the ground and join her. He’d just let happen what he swore he’d never let happen. He’d made out with his cousin. No, that wasn’t just making out. That, was a full on precursor to intercourse. He knew enough, about himself and Jessie, to know exactly where that would have headed, if they’d been more alone.

It made him ill.

Gathering his strength, he struggled to remember what he’d been doing before that moment. Had anything happened today before that moment? It was so cataclysmic to him, that it was almost as if the world hadn’t begun turning until he and Jessie had finally caved. Souring his stomach even more was the fact that Kai had started it. Jessie may have cupped his face, may have begged him with those beautiful brown eyes to be with her, but he was the one that had slipped up. He was the one that hadn’t been able to resist the draw of her lips anymore.

Weeks of another woman on his mouth had only made the need to have Jessie’s body against him that much stronger. He hadn’t realized it, until that split-second that he’d debated, struggled with what to do. Not that he’d really had much choice in the matter. He needed Jessie. He couldn’t resist her anymore. Therein lay the problem.

Walking in a zombie-like daze to the living room, Kai blinked at the seeming normalness of it all. Harmony was sitting on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched a movie. April was sitting across from her, a pout on her lips as she impatiently strummed her fingers against her folded arms.

Kai’s world had just been flipped upside down, why wasn’t the rest of the world following suit? Shouldn’t the sky be green and cats and dogs have learned to talk in his absence. That’s how rocked he felt.

April glanced up as he woodenly walked into the completely still normal room. Her frown deepened as she stood and Kai suddenly remembered why she wasn’t happy. Jessie had sort of gone off on her, when she’d walked in on the two of them kissing. Kai sighed softly as his melodramatic thoughts calmed down. What was going on with his cousin was intense and painful, but what was going on with him and April was just…wrong.

He shouldn’t be with someone, just so he wouldn’t be with someone else. That’s how people got hurt. And Kai wasn’t looking to hurt anyone, even though he seemed to be really good at it. But his continuing to see April would be misleading to the girl, since his feelings were obviously tangled up elsewhere. It would be cruel to let her fall any deeper, if she was.

She sauntered over to him, her arms across her chest. Harmony glanced up, then forcefully redirected her eyes back to the TV. April’s lips turned down to a perfect pout as she stood before him. Kai thought back to kissing April; it seemed a lifetime ago, so much had changed. He’d been trying. He’d tried to feel that heat and passion for April. But kissing her, while entertaining, just didn’t give him the same flying sensations that he got with…others. He’d even let himself make the first move, something he hadn’t needed to do, since April was not shy about planting him with affection. But he’d wanted to see if he could. And while he definitely had…he still hadn’t felt that spark.

Glancing over his shoulder at Jessie’s bedroom door, she heatedly snapped, “You talk her down off her high horse?”

Kai’s lips turned up fractionally and then he shook his head. “I’m sorry you got dragged into the middle of that, April, but trust me when I say that all of Jessie’s comments were more directed towards me than you.”

April glanced back at the hall and then back to Kai, her brow furrowed, like he’d just spoken in another language. Kai supposed he had, since none of that would have made any sense to her. He nearly sighed again. He was going to have to find a way to be honest with April, without actually being honest.

As she looked about to ask him what the heck he was talking about, Kai grabbed her fingers and walked her over to the back door. She followed, obviously curious. Kai’s heart leadening at what he was about to do, he slid open the door and walked through it with her. April shivered and rubbed her arms, and Kai stepped back inside and grabbed their coats off the couch. Slipping them on, April started frowning sadly, like she knew something was up.

Sliding the door shut, so they’d at least have some verbal privacy, Kai glanced at Harmony watching them through the glass, then back to April. Her eyes were narrow slits as she peered at him intently. Kai sighed and looked down. Mentally, he traced a long line in the cracked patio cement while he composed his thoughts. He didn’t want to mess this up.

In his silence, April spoke, “You want to tell me what’s going on, Kai?” Her voice was slightly accusatory, but mainly worried. Kai swallowed. He’d let this go on for far too long. He should have ended things after that disastrous first date.

Looking up at her, he whispered, “This is all my fault. Please, don’ be mad at Jessie for what she said to you. She’s angry at me, not you.” He shook his head. “She just didn’t express it right, but she really was looking out for you.” Kai wanted to cringe, knowing he was pushing the envelope of truth in that statement, but it was, in a way, true. Jessie’s anger had more been directed at Kai than April.

As April shook her head, confused, Kai shook his. “She adores you, April. She just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.” Kai smiled softly; that had been completely true.

April shook her head again, shoving her hands in her coat pockets. “You wouldn’t hurt me. You’re a good guy.”

Kai looked away, hating what he knew that April didn’t. A good guy didn’t shove his hands down a girl’s pants while preparing for a date with a different one. A good guy didn’t do the things he’d done with his cousin. Kai felt like anything but a good guy. But maybe he could start atoning, right now. Looking back at her, his eyes watered. “There’s someone else…a girl, from my past.”

Kai blinked back the emotion in his eyes at saying that out loud. April’s face paled and her mouth dropped open; that was a sentence no woman liked hearing.  A wrenching pain ripped through Kai, but he fortified his stomach. He had to do this. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry. She and I…can’t be together, and I really thought that if I went out with you, I could get over her. I thought I could move on.” He sighed, thoughts of Jessie filing his brain. “But I can’t move on, and she’s all I think about…”

Sadness swept through him, as the feelings for his cousin that he tried to keep buried deep, bubbled up, burning his heart as each one busted open. He glanced up at April and watched her eyes glass over, maybe finally realizing what he was saying to her. “I don’t see us going anywhere, April, and I think, if we kept seeing each other, I’d just be leading you on.” He shrugged and when he spoke again, his voice was ragged with emotion. “My heart is…somewhere else. I’m sorry.”

April was silent for long moments, her eyes watering to a point that Kai was sure was going to spill over into tears. Then she inhaled deep and slightly shook her head. “I guess I should have known that a guy as great as you, wouldn’t really be available.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping. With a thumb over her shoulder, she indicated where Jessie was. Kai followed the motion with his eyes, his stomach twisting as he thought of Jessie still crying in there. “Is that why she got so weird? Why she didn’t want us to sleep together?”

Kai sighed, his eyes still on Jessie’s room. “Yes,” he whispered. “She knows…how I feel.” About her, he added in his head. And she also knows why we can’t feel that way about each other.

April sighed and Kai dragged his eyes back to her. “So…” She smiled with one edge of her lip, it was a sad one. “I suppose I should thank you, for telling me this before we slept together. Most men would have waited until afterwards.”

Kai gave her an equally sad smile, then frowned. “I should have said something earlier. I’m sorry. I was just hoping to feel…something for you.” He smiled wider. “I wanted to like you, April. I really did want to feel it. You’re very…enticing.”

April flushed and bit her lip, staring at the ground. Shifting her hip, she sighed and glanced up at him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but a part of me wishes you’d waited until afterwards.” She laughed huskily and eyed his body up and down.

Kai felt his cheeks heat and bit back a smile. “Well, I think it’s better this way.” He eyed her for a moment. Her undeniable beauty, her sensual nature, but underneath it all, she had a good heart. He hoped some guy would take the time to find it one day. Giving her a serious look, he quietly said, “You don’t need to try so hard, you know.” She frowned and furrowed her brow again. “To get guys to notice you.” Kai smiled warmly at her. “They do. Trust me, they do notice you.”

April smiled warmly at him, once again shaking her head. “Whoever this girl is…she’s an idiot for not being with you.” Kai swallowed and forced a smile on his face. No, that wasn’t an option, but April didn’t need to know that. Not noticing the rigidness of his smile, she sighed and said, “I’m going to miss going out on dates with you.”

Kai laughed and gave her a wry smile. “April, you hated the date I took you on.”

April grinned, crossing her arms over my chest. “Yeah, sorry, I did.” She eyed him up and down. “And you hated the date I took you on, didn’t you?”

Kai grinned and nodded. “I hate costumes.” He playfully raised an eyebrow at her.

She twisted her lips, amused. “I hate bugs.”

Kai chuckled. “I hate techno music.”

April let a small laugh escape. “I hate wearing a helmet.”

Kai smiled at her admission. “I hate drinks that come with little umbrellas.”

April smiled at his. “I hate carnations.”

Kai laughed, remembering her words when she’d taken them from Jessie. He shook his head. “I hate being put on display in front of other people, especially when I’m dressed as a pirate.”

April tilted her head back in a hearty laugh. Shaking her head, she shrugged. “Well, I refuse to recycle.”

Kai laughed back at her, shaking his own head. “See, April, you and I are really not compatible at all.”

She sighed, relaxing into a hip and shoving her hands back into her pockets. “Yeah, I know.” She grinned crookedly. “You’re just hot enough that I was willing to overlook that fact. Plus, I’ve learned the value of a man who knows how to kiss well, and you…” She trailed off and bit her lip.

Kai smiled, shaking his head as he studied their shoes. He peeked up at her. “We good?”

April sighed, looking over him forlornly. “Yeah, we’re good.” She extended a hand out to him. “It was nice getting to know you, Kai. Thank you for being a decent guy.”

Kai smiled as he shook her hand. “It was my pleasure to get to know you, April. I know that you are going to make some man very, very happy.”

April grinned, then cocked her head. “Just not you.”

Kai laughed, shaking his head. “Not me, not in that way. But I’d like to think that we can still be friends?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

She smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I can always use another friend, Kai.” He smiled down at her, his arm coming up over her shoulder. She grinned at him, then her face turned serious. “I hope you get your girl. You deserve to get the girl.”

Kai forced a smile on his face and nodded. It wasn’t the fact that he couldn’t get her that was bothering Kai. No, if things were different, he and Jessie would be together, and be happy too. Getting her wasn’t the problem. It was that he shouldn’t get her. Dating his cousin was just not something that Kai was willing to do. No matter how much that thought hurt.

Chapter   16

A Clean Break

Kai awoke early the next morning and stared at his ceiling. He felt like he’d been staring at his ceiling all night long. It was the last thing he remembered doing – staring at his ceiling, his mind spinning with thoughts and emotions he shouldn’t be having, that he wished he could turn off. As he awoke in the exact same position that he’d fallen asleep in, Kai wondered if he even had slept. Maybe he’d only briefly closed his eyes. If his room hadn’t been filled with a gray, pre-dawn light, he would have believed that. But the last time he’d stared straight above him, he hadn’t been able to make out the splattered texture on the walls in the pitch-black room. Now his eyes could easily distinguish each knobby glob in the surface.

He’d been debating what to do last night, after the incident with Jessie. Did they just ignore what had happened between them, and continue on with their camaraderie? Could he go to the zoo with her, laughing and joking, and not think about the way she’d moaned in his ear? Would that sound ever leave him?

Sighing, he shifted in his bed. And how could they ever be trusted to be alone again? Not when the memory of that passion, boiling just under the surface, was still there. Kai closed his eyes, remembering slamming her back into the door. She ignited a primal part of him. He’d wanted more than anything at that moment, to rip off every piece of clothing on her and drive deep inside of her. He‘d never wanted anyone so intensely. And sickeningly enough, even just lying in bed thinking about it, he still wanted it; he could even feel his body responding.

Staring back up at the ceiling, he exhaled slowly as he tried to calm himself. He couldn’t think about it. He had to stop seeing her that way. For a second, Kai cursed the fact that they’d grown up so far apart from each other. If he and Jessie had known each other as kids, he would only see her as family. But they hadn’t. She was a virtual stranger to him, family only because someone had named her as such. He felt connected with her, but not in a purely familial way. No, he felt connected to her…as a man to a woman. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t knowingly be with her. It was wrong. It was twisted. It was sick.

And yet…

Sighing again, he sat up and scrubbed his face. No. If he couldn’t stop thinking of her romantically, then really, there was only one way for them to both get out of this. Staring at his cell phone, Kai desperately did not want to have to make the call that he knew without a doubt he had to make.

His eyes watered just looking at the time on the screen. Time…he wanted more of it with her. But, more time would only lead to more chances for them to cave. And they’d already proven to each other, over and over again, that they could, and would, cave to the desire between them. He had to stop it. He had to do the right thing, just like with April.

Picking up the phone, his hand started to shake. In his head he scrolled through a list of alternative solutions. He wasn’t finding any. Closing his eyes, he pleaded with himself to not do this. Opening his eyes, he knew he had no choice.

Flicking the phone open with his thumb, he pressed the sequence for his speed dial - position one. Jessie Harper flashed on the screen, along with a calling icon. His hand still shaking, Kai slowly brought the phone to his ear.

His breath increasing as his nerves spiked, he heard the line pick up and a groggy voice mutter, “Hello?” The voice sounded thick with sleep…or emotion.

“Hey,” Kai said quietly. “Did I wake you?”

Bringing his knees up in bed, he slung his free arm around them. He could hear Jessie wrestle around too as she sighed softly. “No…I couldn’t sleep.”

Kai looked down and nodded. “Me either.”

A few awkward moments of silence passed as Kai worked up the nerve to say what he had to say. At the same time that he heard Jessie start to say, “About yesterday…” he blurted out, “I broke it off with April.” He bit his lip, wondering why he couldn’t just tell her what he’d decided, point blank.

Another moment of silence passed as Jessie absorbed what he’d said. “Oh,” she said quietly. “You didn’t have to…” Her voice thickened up as it trailed off.

Kai sighed. “Yeah, I did.” Running a hand through his hair, he wished his heart would stop hammering so hard. “I couldn’t let her keep thinking that our relationship was going to go anywhere. And I don’t feel for her what I feel…”

He let that die. Saying his feelings for Jessie now, wouldn’t help with what he had to say later. Clearing his throat, he quickly added, “I never should have let it go on for as long as I did. It wasn’t fair to her, to keep stringing her along.”

He picked at a loose strand of fabric in the sheets as he waited for Jessie to respond. When she did, it was with a subdued voice. “Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep seeing her. I just…I wasn’t considering her in all of this, I guess.”

She sighed sadly and Kai had the sudden urge to run his hand back through her hair, cup her cheek, whisper that everything would be okay. But it wasn’t. Not with what he was about to do. In a whisper, he started the process. “Jessie…about us…”

His voice cracked and he found he couldn’t speak. Kai swallowed several times and in the silence of that, Jessie spoke. “I know, Kai. I know it was…wrong. And I know I shouldn’t have said…what I said. I know we can’t do that. I’ll try harder to not…be jealous or possessive of you. It just hurt to see you with April, but I know you’re going to be with someone, and I promise I won’t-”

Kai cut her off, wishing he could just agree with her. “We can’t see each other anymore, Jessie.”

Silence filled the line again. A horrible, aching silence that made Kai’s pounding heart sound like a bass drum, filling the room with an ominous, heavy beat. When she still didn’t respond, he whispered, “Jessie?”

He heard her choke, then sputter. In a tightly controlled, warbling voice, she said, “What do you mean? We can’t be alone anymore…or we can’t…”

Kai felt his eyes get heavy with tears. His own voice tightly controlled and warbling, he managed to somehow say, “We can’t see each other again…ever.”

Jessie gasped, then muttered, “But…no…”

Kai felt his heart break, felt the pain of it slice right through him. He didn’t think he’d ever be the same person again. Everything he had been before was now different. Everything was different. Jessie was a highlight in his life. Without her in it…Kai almost didn’t see the point. He swallowed, those tears finally dropping to his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Jessie. You don’t know how much this kills me, but, you and I cannot be together. And we’re heading that way. Can’t you feel it?”

He waited for her to acknowledge it. For her to admit to herself that the path that they were on was going to end up with them in such a twisted, ethically and morally wrong relationship, that it pained his stomach. Finally, she whispered, “Yes.”

Kai exhaled, relieved that at least she understood. “We have to stay apart. We have to go back to when you had your life, and I had my life, and they didn’t intertwine.”

She exhaled brokenly. “But, Kai…we’re family. Family doesn’t abandon each other.”

Again, Kai wanted to be able to reach out and stroke her, run a finger down her cheek. “We will still be family, Jessie. We will always be that. And we won’t abandon each other. If you need me, if you really need me…I’m there. But Jessie…we need to let this die, before we can truly be…just cousins.”

Kai heard Jessie start to break down. As she started to cry, he sniffed, his tears falling freely too. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

Through her broken sobs, he heard her say, “I’m going to miss you, so much. I don’t know how I’m going to…” Her voice trailed off as waves of crying took her.

Kai clenched a knot of sheets in his hand. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to make her cry. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to tell her that he was wrong - that they couldn’t do this, that they shouldn’t be apart. He wanted to rush over to her and sweep her in his arms. He wanted to kiss away her tears. He wanted to lie her down and make her feel only the warmth and love between them. He wanted to make love to her, over and over again. And that was exactly why he had to do this.

“I’m going to miss you too, Jessie. You’re so important to me. You’re…everything to me.”

Biting his lip, he stopped himself from pouring anymore of his heart out to her. It would only hurt them both if they started confessing their feelings for each other. And while Kai was pretty certain that Jessie cared deeply for him, he was one hundred percent certain now that he was in love with her. Breaking it off with April had helped him to see it. He loved Jessie, in all the ways he shouldn’t.

Her sobs only slightly easing, she timidly asked, “Can we still talk? Can I call you?”

Kai thought of having these heart wrenching phone calls every day; he didn’t think he could. “Jessie…” he pleaded, not wanting to have to say it. A clean break was best. A clean break healed quicker.

Jessie sniffled.  “Right…that probably wouldn’t help anything.”

Another long silence filled the line, as both of their hearts silently broke apart. Feeling a rising nausea in his stomach, Kai knew it was time to end the call, end his connection with the only woman he wanted in his life. His voice breaking, he softly said, “I wish you only happiness, Jessie.”

He could not imagine his life without her in it.

“Kai…”

Steeling himself, his fingers already moving to snap shut the phone, he closed his eyes. Picturing her one last time - her smile, her beautiful face framed in dark, curly locks, the sound of her voice when she said his name - Kai imagined that she was the one person on this earth that he would like to experience everything with. He couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather have on this twisted, rollercoaster of a ride called life, than her.

Whispering passionately, he ended their relationship with, “You’re my best friend, Jessie. I love you.” Then he snapped the phone shut.

*******************

It was a little amazing to Jessie how so much could change in her life, while at the same time, nothing changed in her life.  She went to her job, rubbing out the kinks in Mr. Tinley’s sore lower back. She went to the movies with Harmony and April, April always sitting as far from Jessie as possible, still peeved about Jessie’s heated comments to her, comments that Jessie seemed to apologize for daily. She checked on her grandmother, who had completely bounced back from her recovery and was as feisty as ever. She even repeatedly shot down Grams attempts to set her up with “nice” boys.

All of that was routine for Jessie. The only thing that wasn’t routine, the only thing that had changed completely for her in the past three weeks, three achingly long weeks, was the fact that her cousin had all but vanished. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their last painful conversation on the phone.

She knew he was around. Grams told stories about him constantly, inquiring about his level of happiness on a more and more frequent basis. From all Jessie could gather, he didn’t appear to be doing very well. Grams was convinced that it was because of his work, convinced that his boss was an ass that was making Kai’s life miserable. She noted on more than one occasion that she wished he’d head home to work with his parents, where Grams felt he belonged.

Jessie wanted to curl into a ball at the thought. Even though she and Kai didn’t speak, it comforted Jessie to know that they were staring at the same sky and breathing the same chilly air. She couldn’t stomach the thought of him being so far away that time was actually pushed back four hours.

The thought of him leaving made her feel worse than whenever she thought of their last horrid conversation - and that had been awful. Already revved up from a sleepless night and memories of both of them heatedly crossing that line that they shouldn’t ever cross, Jessie had been a wreck when he’d called her. Her heart had easily shattered into a thousand pieces when he’d spoken the words that had changed their relationship forever:

“We can’t see each other again…ever.”

Jessie was quite certain that those were the worst words ever created in the English language.  But then he’d followed them with even worse words. Worse, because they were so wonderful:

“You’re so important to me. You’re everything to me. You’re my best friend.”

And then the kicker, the one that always punched a hole through Jessie whenever she thought about it, both because of what it could mean, and the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure what it did mean:

“I love you.”

If he’d said it as a standalone sentence, Jessie would have been positive that he’d meant that he was in love with her – man to a woman. But he’d lumped it together with, “you’re my best friend.” To Jessie, that meant that while attracted to her, he loved her in a friendly way. It warmed and hurt Jessie, because she loved him that way too. He was her best friend too, and she hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him.

Jessie couldn’t imagine not ever seeing those tropical eyes again. Not ever getting to laugh with him over dinner. Not ever getting to take care of him. It had only been three weeks, but it may as well have been three years. He’d wanted to go back to a time when their lives hadn’t intertwined, but the problem was they already had intertwined. Distance didn’t stop Kai from being securely wrapped around her soul. It only made hers ache. And she knew it was wrong to feel that way.

Forcing herself to go through the motions of life, she showered and dressed for her day. Just another Saturday. A Saturday in a long line of Saturdays. Nothing interesting or special about it. No playful smile on a certain boy’s mouth to make the day noteworthy. Just another day.

Glumly, Jessie started walking down the hall into the living room. She tried to not think about the way Kai could perfectly curve his lips into the sexiest smile she’d ever seen. No, she definitely shouldn’t be thinking about his mouth.

“…no, Kai, don’t be ridiculous…”

Jessie paused in the hallway at hearing her cousin’s name. She could just make out April with her feet up on the couch, apparently chatting on her cell phone with him. Jessie had come across them talking before. While she hated that April got to talk to him when she couldn’t, she almost always paused whatever she was doing to listen. Not out of jealousy, Kai and April’s relationship had shifted into an easy friendship, something their phone calls clearly showed. They’d talk about trivial stuff, April’s work, a current movie playing, last night’s episode of ‘The Office’ – all standard “friend” conversations.

No, jealousy wasn’t why Jessie intently eavesdropped. It was because, if she listened hard enough, she could hear Kai’s voice through the phone. She hated feeling so pathetic that she was actually clamoring to hear the tinny sound of him while he talked to someone else, but she couldn’t help it. She missed him.

April seemed to sense that she was there and twisted her head to look at her. Minutely, she frowned at Jessie. Things were still a little awkward between the two girls. Twisting her head back to stare out the slider, Jessie heard her say, “What, Kai? Sorry, Jessie distracted me.”

Jessie’s heart started beating a little harder; Kai knew that she was there now. As she finished walking into the living room, casually turning on the TV and sitting down opposite April, she listened for his voice as hard as she could.

He seemed to pause for a long time, before speaking again to April. Jessie couldn’t hear what he said, but April glanced over at her, looking her over. “Yeah, she’s fine. Why?”

Jessie’s heart ached horribly. Kai was there, just a few feet away from her, and he was asking how she was. It took every scrap of will power Jessie had to not rip the cell phone out of April’s hands and beg him to come over. She wanted to hear him. She wanted to see him. But he was right. These unnatural feelings needed to fade away before they could be reunited. Jessie just wished they’d hurry up and leave her already so she could be with her cousin again. Her best friend.

Jessie heard Kai mumble some response and April’s brows drew together as she continued to study Jessie. Then her face brightened and she smiled widely. “What do you mean he liked my cell picture?” She laughed into the phone, relaxing back into the couch like she was talking to a girlfriend and not the man she’d made out with on more than one occasion. “Really? Is he cute?” She paused, listening, then murmured, “Louis, huh? I’ve never met a Louis. What’s he like?”

Kai was apparently going into detail over this Louis person, because aside from a couple “yeahs” and “ohs,” April was pretty silent. Jessie was pretty sure that Kai worked with a Louis, and wondered if he was talking him up to her. Then she started wondering if he’d done that just to distract April from the fact that he and Jessie had obviously not seen each other in awhile. Jessie thought that was probably the reason for the redirect. He wouldn’t want April, or anyone, delving too closely into their relationship. Or at the moment, lack of one.

After another couple of minutes, April finally said, “Okay. Have fun.” She paused and then rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’ll tell her. Bye.” Snapping the phone shut, she then started idly watching whatever show was currently playing on TV. Curiosity was eating Jessie alive. He’d obviously meant her there at the end.

Biting her lip, she only continued to stare at her friend. She didn’t want to seem too eager over a message from her cousin. When April finally glanced her way, Jessie raised an eyebrow at her. April sighed. “Your cousin says hello,” she mumbled drearily, like just telling Jessie that much was putting her out.

Jessie wanted to sigh contently and sink back into the couch. She wanted to let her mind imagine the words coming off of Kai’s tongue, and not April’s. She couldn’t though. She couldn’t look lovesick around anyone over her cousin, least of all April. Jessie shrugged nonchalantly and twisted back to the TV. “That was nice of him.” Not looking at April, she casually asked, “We’ve been too busy to really talk much lately. How is he?”

Her heart hammered as she waited for her friend to respond. But, instead of answering her, April stood. “I have a mani-pedi to get to.” She indicated the kitchen with her thumb. “Harm has all the details for next weekend.” With that, she strolled out of the living room and back to her bedroom.

Jessie silently watched her leave. April was going to stretch out the argument between them for as long as she possibly could. Hopefully things evened out between her and April soon; Jessie didn’t think she could utter, “I’m sorry I was a bitch,” one more time. Maybe this weekend would help? It was Harmony’s brilliant plan to bond them all together again with a girl’s ski trip. They were all going to Harmony’s favorite lodge, deep in the Arapaho National Forest.

Jessie sighed and decided to let April sulk. She knew she couldn’t rush the repair of her friend’s hurt feelings, and April had a right to feel slighted; Jessie never should have spoken to her like she had. Besides being just a little too eager with a cute boy she liked, her roommate really hadn’t done anything wrong. This upcoming trip was probably the best thing for their relationship.

Walking into the kitchen, Jessie found her best female friend chowing down on a bowl of cereal. Jessie went through the mechanics of preparing her own bowl while Harmony looked up at her and flicked the edge of a piece of paper that she was holding. It looked like a printout of a hotel reservation.

“I got us a double at Mountain Inn Resort.” Her pale eyes sparkled at Jessie as she poured her milk. Harmony loved skiing. She’d already been up a couple times for day trips and was thoroughly looking forward to an entire weekend with just the girls. “This is going to be great, Jessie!”

Jessie found herself smiling at her friend’s enthusiasm. “I’m sure it will, Harm.” Sitting beside her, she suppressed a sigh. She’d be hours away from Kai. The distance really shouldn’t matter, since they weren’t speaking anyway, but there it was, she had a distinct ache in her chest at the mere thought of how much physical space would be between them. At least her girlfriends would help to fill that space, assuming April stopped being pissy.

Looking at Jessie like she’d sighed anyway, Harmony tilted her head, her flaming hair slipping over her shoulder and nearly dangling into her milk as she did. “You alright?”

Jessie let the sigh come out and started trying to dunk the tiny ‘O’s floating in her bowl of milk. She wished she could confess everything to Harmony. It would be so nice to finally talk over her confusion with someone. But how do you explain something that awful to a friend? Sure, it wasn’t as bad as if she was lusting over a sibling or anything, but still, they were first cousins, and what was going on with Jessie and Kai was so much more than idly thinking a relative was cute. What was going on with them bordered on illegal in many States.

“Just thinking about…stuff,” she muttered blandly.

Not about to let that go, Harmony put a hand on her arm. “Boy-stuff or April-stuff?”

Jessie shrugged, not really sure how to answer. Harmony sighed, then raised an eyebrow. “Jeremy didn’t call you, did he?”

Raising her eyebrows at Harmony leaping to that conclusion, Jessie shook her head. She supposed it wasn’t too weird for Harmony to think her troubles stemmed from Jeremy though. Jessie had been with him for awhile, and really, they hadn’t broken up all that long ago. Jessie just hadn’t thought about him in so long that he seemed like someone buried in her ancient past, not someone she’d been considering moving in with less than six months ago.

“No, Jeremy may as well have dropped off the face of the earth, for what little I think of him. And I definitely haven’t heard from him.”

She sighed again, grateful for that. Harmony looked at her from the corner of her eye and then took a spoonful of cereal. Around her food, she asked, “Is it because of that Simon guy? He called again by the way.”

Jessie groaned and dropped her head back. “God damn it.” Lifting her head, she dug into her cereal. “I told Grams I didn’t want to be set up with anyone, then she got this newfound friend of hers to get her son to ask me out.” Her spoon angrily clinked against her bowl. “Now he won’t stop.” Jessie had already politely turned him down three times. She was sure he was nice and all, but he wasn’t…what she was looking for at the moment.

Harmony grinned at her irritation. “You could always tell him you’ve switched sides?”

Jessie laughed, then started choking on some milk she’d been swallowing. Coughing, she smacked a laughing Harmony on the shoulder. “Thanks,” she finally managed to get out.

When she could breathe again, Jessie frowned into her cereal bowl, wishing she could be honest. Harmony looked about to question her again when they both heard April’s voice in the living room. “Catch you later, Harm.” The door banged shut and Jessie lightly shook her head. She’d definitely just been dissed, and in that passive-aggressive way that girls could be so good at.

Harmony stared into the living room then brought her eyes back to Jessie. “Don’t let April get under your skin, Jess. You know her, this will eventually blow over.”

Jessie nodded, glumly returning to her cereal bowl.  Hoping Harmony wouldn’t ask anything about why Jessie had sort of gone off on their roommate, she asked her about their weekend plans instead. Harmony instantly smiled bright, her questioning look vanishing as she started filling her in on all of the perks their lodge provided.

********************

Millie was feeling seventy-five again. Her hip had healed and nearly all trace of her clumsy tumble was gone. She felt like she could go down to the senior center, find a charming, distinguished gentleman, preferably with a head full of hair and all his original teeth, and spend the afternoon square dancing. She’d considered it too, except that her heart wasn’t feeling quite as healthy.

Her ticker was still fine, that wasn’t the problem. No, her heart issues were all emotional ones, and all centered around her family. Sometimes she swore that the lot of them was going to be what drove her into the grave. Worrying about them was surely aging her by the second.

Her son, Nathan, was struggling with impatience. He wanted to talk with Kai about his true paternity. He wanted to sit with him and explain why they’d lied to him for so long. He wanted to beg Kai’s forgiveness for withholding the truth. Millie thought it was pointless to tell Kai, but Nathan wouldn’t let it go. And the longer Kai remained ignorant, the harder it was on him.

He’d even admitted to Millie that he’d been distant to Kai. “I can’t stand it, Mom. I just want to talk to him about this…secret looming over all of us, but he doesn’t know yet. I can’t talk to him about what I really want to talk about…so I shut down, and don’t talk to him about anything. He must wonder why I’m so distant… ”

Nathan hated himself for his seeming coldness to Kai, but each time he talked to him, Kai was still oblivious. And frustrated, confused, and disappointed at his own weakness, his anger at Mason’s procrastination was showing itself as bluntness towards Kai. The distance he was creating greatly bothered Nathan.

Millie often had long conversations with him, most of them ending with, “He loves you, Nathan. You are the only father that he’s ever known. In the end, love will win out over everything else. I’m sure, given enough time, he’ll eventually understand.”

But even though she spoke those words to her son, she wasn’t sure if they were true or not.  Well, she knew that Kai loved his father, but she wasn’t sure if he would understand Nathan’s behavior or motives once the truth was revealed. Yet another reason that Kai should never know. Why put that strife in a loving relationship, if it didn’t need to be? Why cause irrelevant pain? But Nathan believed in knowing the truth. It was one of the things that made him great at his job. And now that he felt Kai was old enough to be able to handle the truth, he wanted…no, needed, Kai to know it too.

Even if that meant telling him himself.

The longer Kai stayed away, the longer Nathan didn’t have to directly look at him, the easier it was for him to gain the necessary courage to break his son’s heart. Nathan told her repeatedly that he didn’t think he could do it, that he didn’t think he could even form the words. But his impatience at Kai’s continued lack of knowledge was quickly wearing away at his reluctance. Millie knew that before the month was out, before the year ran out, her son would finally be able to tell Kai. And Kai’s entire view on his life would change.

Millie sighed as she went about clipping her herb garden. Tiny piles of chives rested in her palm, just enough for the baked potatoes Jessica Marie was cooking in the kitchen. The girl still checked on her diligently. Perhaps her tumble earlier had made the child feel guilty about not being around enough. Millie tried to assure her that it wasn’t necessary, she was a grown woman, but Harper blood flowed through the young woman’s veins too, and the need to nurture was a big part of that blood.

Filling a small bowl with the clippings, Millie moved on to some thyme for Kai. She’d been giving him whatever herbs were ready, telling him exactly how to prepare food with it, since she was sure the man had never had proper instruction in creating a meal. Not with that woman for a mother. He obliged her, listening raptly and asking the appropriate questions. Millie almost got the feeling that he was only interested in cooking to woo a woman, but then dismissed the thought. He didn’t currently have anyone.

Millie had gotten her hopes up when he’d started seeing that April girl. Surely a friend of Jessica’s would be a good match for the boy? And he was going to need a shoulder to cry on, a warm body to cuddle with, when either one of his fathers finally confessed the truth to him. But, alas, he’d broken it off with the girl. He’d explained to Millie over and over, since she’d kind of badgered him about it, that they just weren’t compatible. Millie had wanted to tell him that she had girl parts, he had boy parts, so, of course they were compatible, but she refrained.

Kai was a gentleman, and wasn’t going to sleep with a girl purely because he needed the release. Millie respected that, and was immensely proud of him for his choice. Most men his age would probably not make the same one. She wouldn’t push him into physical love, especially when he wasn’t aware of the upcoming heartache.

Millie finished her preparation and sealed the tiny bags she’d made for her grandson. For the hundredth time, she wished Kai would decide that he hated it here and move home. Not because she didn’t want him around – far from it, she immensely enjoyed his company – but because she didn’t want him to get hurt. And Mason admitting who he was to him was going to hurt. Maybe if he went home, if Nathan had to look into his eyes every day, he’d lose his nerves and never tell him.

Millie wasn’t sure about Kai’s mother. Perhaps she would be cruel enough to spill the beans, but then again, regardless of what Millie thought of her, the woman was a mother, and what mother wanted to knowingly cause her son harm? And through Kai, Millie knew that he was close to his mother, talking with her near daily. The woman obviously adored her son, no matter who his father was. Millie was pretty positive that the push to send him to Denver, to his biological father, was all Nathan’s idea.

Shuffling back into the kitchen from her greenhouse, Millie caught her granddaughter staring at the numbers on the microwave, seemingly lost in thought. Millie closed the door rougher than was necessary, not wanting to sneak up on the girl. Jessica Marie startled and looked over at her, slapping on what was clearly a fake smile. Millie recognized it; she’d seen the forced happiness several times on her granddaughter over the past few weeks. Come to think of it, she’d seen the same smile on Kai over the last few weeks too.

While Millie had the overwhelming feeling that Mason was making things uncomfortable at work for his newfound son, a suspicion that Jessica had confirmed when she’d mentioned that Kai didn’t think his boss liked him, Millie had no clue as to where her granddaughter’s unhappiness stemmed from. With her age and troubled past love life, Millie suspected a boy, although she never heard Jessica mention one. No one but Kai, that was.

“The potatoes are almost ready, Grams,” she announced effortlessly.

Millie narrowed her eyes. The tone was effortless, but the tired look in the eyes couldn’t be entirely erased. The child was worn, unhappy, and almost always looked on the verge of crying lately. Millie constantly wanted to give her a hug and tell her that nothing in life was ever that bad. Things always have a way of working out. You just had to be patient sometimes. She didn’t say that though, knowing that Jessica would only roll her eyes and tell her that nothing was wrong.

She patted her shoulder, laying the bags on the counter. “That’s good, dear. I got us some chives.” She handed the small bowl to Jessica and then grabbed a marker, labeling the small bags for Kai. Boys usually couldn’t tell herbs apart.

In a nearly wistful voice, her granddaughter said, “Are those for Kai?”

Millie looked up, to see if her eyes were filled with as much longing as her voice. As Jessica was looking down into the chive bowl, she couldn’t be sure. “Yes, dear. Eventually I’ll turn that boy into a good cook. Every man should know how to make a decent meal for his woman.”

She smiled warmly at the thought. Jessica quickly turned her head away, her thick, curly hair covering her expression. She nodded and moved over to the fridge, aimlessly looking through it. “I should get you some groceries soon,” Millie heard her mutter into the cool, refrigerated air.

Even though Jessica couldn’t see her, Millie shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, dear. Kai brings me a bundle nearly every time he shows up. As I don’t eat that much anyway, I don’t think I’ll be starving anytime soon.”

A soft chuckle escaped her as she remembered Kai repeatedly popping up with a bag or two on his arm. There was a grocery store close by, but the thought of him riding with a bag dangling off his arm always brought a smile to Millie’s face.

Jessica looked up from the fridge to stare at Millie, a little disbelievingly. “Kai brings you food?”

Millie nodded, noting the aged weariness in Jessie’s eyes. It was so nearly identical to Kai’s, like they were both suffering from the same malaise. “Constantly, like he’s worried I’ll starve.” Millie laughed again and rolled her eyes. “If the boy had moved here with something more substantial than a motorcycle, he could save himself some time and bring me a month supply at a time.”

A small laugh escaped Jessica and her eyes drifted out of focus, thinking. “Yeah, he does love that bike…”

Watching her musing granddaughter, Millie shrugged and sighed. “It probably wouldn’t stop him for dropping in daily anyway. The boy has as big a heart as you.” Jessica’s eyes refocused on Millie’s. Millie swore she saw tiny tears in them. Sighing again, she added, “The two of you are almost a perfect match. I’m a very lucky woman, to be surrounded by such warmth.”

Jessica swallowed and looked away again. Her hand went up to her cheek and if Millie didn’t know any better, she’d swear the girl was crying. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Millie peeked around to look at her face. “You aright, dear?” She may deny her unhappiness, but no woman could flat out deny tears.

Brushing her cheeks in a telltale sign of crying, Jessica Marie gave her a sad smile. “Of course. I’m just…I’m leaving for a few days…and I’m going to worry about you.”

Millie smiled and gave the warm woman a tight hug. “Oh, dear, don’t you worry your pretty head about me. You go out and have a good time with the life you’ve been given.” They pulled apart and Jessica sheepishly brushed dry her cheeks again. “Where are you off to?” Millie asked brightly, her fingers swiping the final remnants of tears away.

Jessica sighed drearily. “My roommates and I are going skiing next weekend. Things have been sort of…awkward lately, so we’re doing a little girl’s outing.”

She sighed again and Millie wasn’t sure if she was sighing over Millie being without her for a few days, or sighing over whatever girl spat had occurred. Knowing how catty girls could be sometimes, Millie brightened, suddenly understanding one of the reasons for her granddaughter’s down mood lately.  As Jessica started pulling out preparations for the potato bar they were having tonight, Millie thought about her granddaughter’s upcoming ski trip.

It was a common thing for youngsters to do around here. Millie herself had enjoyed the slopes frequently in her youth. The whole family used to go up to the mountains when all her children were still around. Every single one of them had enjoyed it.  In fact, there was only one family member that Millie knew of that didn’t ski. And he didn’t ski simply because he’d lived his entire life in an area that never enjoyed a yearly snowfall. But she knew for a fact that he wanted to ski, and what better way for him to learn, then under the tutelage of his cousin?

Brightening even more at the thought of the two young relatives cheering up each other’s sour moods, Millie turned to Jessica. “Take Kai with you, dear.”

Thinking Jessica Marie would jump on the chance to spend time with the cousin that she’d seemed to want all to herself just weeks earlier, Millie was very surprised to see a deep frown on Jessica’s face. “Um…well…” She suddenly looked uncomfortable and possibly, even sadder. “It’s a girl thing, Grams.” Shrugging, she looked at the ground.

Millie sighed softly. “I know, Jessica, but Kai has never even seen snow up close, and I know he’s always wanted to learn how to ski.” Millie smiled, shaking her head. “When he was younger, he used to pretend he was slalom racing in the backyard.”

A ghost of a smile drifted across Jessica’s face, then she frowned. “I don’t know…April will be there. You know they don’t see each other anymore?” Jessica started worrying her lip.

Millie nodded, remembering her earlier thoughts on that matter. Shrugging, she shook her head. “Kai tells me that the relationship ended amicably. Surely she wouldn’t mind his presence for just a couple days?” When Jessica looked about to object again, Millie added, “Please? For me? Please take him. He’s been having a hard time lately. He could really use the pick-me-up.”

Jessica’s eyes watered again. “He has?”

Millie frowned at her granddaughter. Her eyes seemed almost…hopeful that Kai was distraught. Slightly shaking her head, Millie figured she must be misinterpreting Jessica’s reaction. Why would she want her cousin to be down? Thinking of his tired eyes lately, Millie sighed. “Yes, he’s so…melancholy, this is just what he needs right now.” She nodded, her mind made up, if not her granddaughter’s.

Jessica started pulling potatoes out of the hot oven, her hair falling down to hide her face again. “Fine, I’ll ask him, Grandma.” Setting the spuds on a plate in front of Millie, Jessica began to carefully pull back the tin foil encasing them. Studying her work, she shrugged. “He’ll probably say no. He’s…busy with stuff.”

Watching Jessica studiously unwrap the potatoes, Millie smiled. There was no way she’d let Kai not go on this little trip. He needed a break from that job and he deserved to have a little fun. And maybe, just maybe, he’d reconsider things with Jessica’s roommate if they were both holed up in a cozy ski lodge room all weekend. Yes, Millie knew from experience that the combination of softly falling snow outside and the glow of a warm fire on the inside, could lead to all sorts of…connections.

Smiling brightly at the thought, she made a condescending noise. Jessica looked up at hearing it. “Nonsense, I won’t let him say no.” Smiling crookedly at her suddenly pale granddaughter, Millie gave her as sage advice as the old woman could. “Life is short. You need to seize the opportunities as they arise.” She raised an eyebrow at Jessica Marie, just so she’d be aware that Millie was speaking of her own life, as well as Kai’s.

Jessica finally sighed and nodded. Millie felt victorious as she carefully sat down on a stool near the counter and instructed her granddaughter on all the other life lessons she’d learned. A slight ache in her hip as she shifted in her hard chair reminded her that she wasn’t as healed as she’d liked to believe. It also reminded her that life was indeed short, and before she left it, she was bound and determined to see her family happy.

It was the least she could do, after all the happiness they had given her over the years.

Chapter   17

Skiing

Jessie sat in the backseat of Harmony’s SUV, wondering how she’d gotten here. Her hands in her lap twisted the zipper of her heavy jacket over and over again. The sound of country music filled the spacious cabin and Jessie cringed at hearing the twangy songs. Normally she’d annoy Harmony until her friend caved and changed the station, but Jessie found she didn’t have it in her to make a peep.  Jessie didn’t have it in her, purely because of who was sitting beside her.

Glancing over at him with just the corner of her eye, she could see him staring out the window, wringing his hands together. Kai looked equally as odd and nervous as she did. Sighing softly, Jessie glanced up at the front seat. Harmony was explaining the condition of the slopes. She’d heard from some friends that had just gotten back that the snow was sic-fast. Jessie was almost glad that she’d mainly be on the lower slopes, helping Kai adjust to the feeling. Then she sighed again. She’d be with Kai all day long, and most of the night too. She hadn’t seen him for nearly four weeks, and now she was practically glued to his side.

As she started to look over at him again, she felt eyes on her and stopped. Meeting April’s gaze in the rearview mirror, Jessie froze. She didn’t want to look sad, forlorn, or lovesick in front of the woman who used to date Kai. She slapped on a smile and April rolled her eyes, looking out the passenger’s side window.

Jessie couldn’t help but think that April was dragging out this spat thing a little too long, even for her. Yes, she’d been horribly rude to her, telling her not to be a whore, but honestly, girls said meaner things over far smaller issues. It wasn’t all that long ago when April had told her she was a conniving little cunt for snagging the last pair of seventy-five percent off boots. Jessie had forgiven her for that comment pretty readily. Of course, the kickass boots had helped.

Smiling at the memory, Jessie inadvertently swung her gaze to Kai. This time he was looking at her. Their gazes locked over the seat and it was like they were suddenly the only two people in the car. It was like they had never spent any time apart. His eyes, a warm tropical color that clashed so harshly with the chill in the December air, bored into hers. A shiver ran through her, even under her layer of down, even in the relative warmth of the car.

Glancing up at Harmony and April talking in the front seat, he leaned slightly into Jessie. She wanted to hold her breath as he came closer.

“I’m sorry…about this.” He rolled those amazing eyes, a wry smile twisting his perfect lips. “Gran wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He looked down then, his hand coming over to rest in the space between them on the large leather seat. Jessie’s hand somehow dropped to her side and just the tips of their fingers touched. She was instantly warm.

He peeked back up at her at the slight connection. “I thought about just telling her I’d go…and then staying home, but…” His eyes focused past Jessie, to the white capped trees that were blurring past them. A light snowfall was splattering against the car, past the windows, and he stared at it with childlike wonder on his face, like he’d never seen it.

And of course, he hadn’t. Living on an island in the south pacific afforded you a lot of wondrous things, but snow wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t actually seen the white stuff, anymore than Jessie had actually seen the ocean. Having been around snow her whole life, being around someone who’d never seen it was a little wondrous to Jessie. Smiling, she filled in the blanks for him. “You‘ve always wanted to ski…I remember.”

She looked down, the memory of how easy it was to be around him flooding into her. But that was sort of the problem. It was too easy to be around him. It felt too nice. It warmed her in ways it shouldn’t. It gave her thoughts that it shouldn’t.

Even now, as the tip of her finger stubbornly started to stroke the side of his, she was reminded of all the reasons they should be apart. But, god, that had been so hard. Being apart was as difficult to her as being together. Just for completely different reasons. Being together, Jessie was always beating back her feelings for him. Being apart…it was like those feelings were eating right through her, leaving only emptiness and pain.

Kai nodded at her statement, his eyes looking apologetic. He glanced down at their fingers on the seat, hers creamy white, his a deep warm brown. Looping his finger over hers, their eyes locked again. The feeling he gave her, with just his index finger wrapped around hers, was about a thousand times more intense than any feeling that Jeremy had ever given her. She was well aware of how wrong that was…but she couldn’t escape it, the undeniable, horrible attraction.

Jessie pulled her hand away when all she really wanted to do was lace their fingers together. She couldn’t though, not with April and Harmony in the car. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her thoughts. She shouldn’t anyway. She shouldn’t touch him anymore than was completely necessary.

Kai sighed softly and returned to staring out the window. Harmony talked obliviously while April rested her head back, closing her eyes like she was going to take a nap. Aside from Harmony’s voice and the annoying country songs, the rest of the car ride was made in silence.

A couple of hours later, the foursome pulled into the ski lodge parking lot where Harmony had booked their rooms. Kai had luckily found a room last minute in the same lodge, although, not on the same floor. Jessie was a little happy that he’d be pretty far away from her. A little space was good right now.

As she stepped out of the car, she watched Kai step out too. Smiling, he closed his eyes and deeply inhaled the crisp air. He smiled wider as light flakes fell on his face, immediately melting on his skin. Jessie watched him, mesmerized. She was so used to snow, it was a little heartwarming to watch someone just take a minute to appreciate it.

As she stared at him with what had to be a dopey smile on her face, she felt her shoulder being tapped. Alarmed, she looked over to Harmony. The red-head had her hair cutely tucked under a knit cap, the ends curling around her shoulders. She jerked a thumb across the car at April, who had stepped out and was catching flakes on her tongue with Kai, both of them laughing.

“Sorry to spring this on you,” Harmony began, her face looking really uncomfortable.

Shaking her head, Jessie asked, “Spring what?”

Exhaling in a puff, Harmony pulled her a few steps from the vehicle and leaned into her so Kai and April wouldn’t overhear. Curious, Jessie glanced down at their matching boots as she allowed herself to be dragged away. Over the crunching of their feet, Harmony whispered, “Look, April’s still got a stick up her ass about the whole whore comment.”

Jessie rolled her eyes, glancing back at April. Her peeved friend was watching a pair of male skiers’ backsides as they walked past. Noticing Kai watching Harmony and her walk away, Jessie twisted back around to Harmony. “I already said I was sorry about a bazillion times.” Jessie threw her hands up. “When is she going to get over it?”

Harmony sighed, looping her arm through Jessie’s, their thick jackets rustling together. “I know…” She paused an awkwardly long time and Jessie stopped walking.

Out of earshot from Kai and April, Jessie said, “What is it?”

Harmony sighed, the light freckles along her cheeks more evident against the snowy backdrop of the idyllic mountains in the distance. “She’s saying you can’t stay in the room with us. Sorry.”

Jessie’s mouth dropped. They mention this now? Where was she supposed to stay? Kai was lucky he got a room. It was a busy ski weekend, she’d be lucky to find a room within walking distance of this place. “What! What am I supposed…? How am I supposed…? Jesus, April.”

Jessie started to storm off, to go give April a piece of her mind, but Harmony grabbed her elbow. Shifting her attention back to her friend, Jessie watched her shake her head. “Just give her this one, Jess. She’ll feel so bad for throwing you out, this whole thing will finally blow over and she’ll be kissing your ass for weeks.”

Jessie slumped, sighing. So much for a girl’s getaway weekend. “Where am I supposed to go?” she asked glumly, wondering whether she’d freeze to death if she slept in the car.

Harmony blinked at her, like the solution was an obvious one. She pointed across the way…to Kai. “Stay with your cousin. He has a room here. I’m sure he’ll let you crash with him.”

Jessie’s eyes widened so much they actually started to hurt. Feeling like all of the color had just drained from her face, she stared over at Kai. He was still looking her way, brows scrunched as he tried to figure out what was going on. Light flakes were collecting in his hair and for a moment, Jessie thought he put every Colombia Sportswear model to shame. For someone who had never even seen snow, he looked right at home on the mountaintop. She could not picture anything good happening if they stayed in the same room together…all night…alone.

Sputtering, she turned back to Harmony. “No! I can’t! I mean, I can’t…impose on him like that.” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t have a good argument as to why they couldn’t stay together. She had no real reason to object…and a part of her was sickeningly grateful for it.

Harmony rolled her eyes, twisting Jessie’s shoulders and shoving her back towards the car. “Don’t be ridiculous. He’s your family. He won’t let you freeze to death outside.” Smiling brightly, she added, “You guys can have cocoa, make s’mores, and curl up by the fire.” She laughed merrily. “It will be just like camp.”

Jessie paled even more, imaging all of those things but with the added element of their mutual attraction. Remembering just the feeling of his finger looped over hers, she knew that curling up by the fire with him would not be like any camp Jessie had ever been to.

As they got to the back of her vehicle, Harmony popped the back open. Starting to dig out their stuff, she glanced over at a still pale Jessie. “You alright?” she asked.

Jessie’s attention was all on Kai. April had decided to distract him with a snowball and he was retaliating by chucking some at her. They were both laughing…until Kai got some in her hair. Then April got pissed and Kai threw his hands up in surrender. No one messed with April’s perfectly straight, perfectly beautiful hair. She spent way too much time making it that way.

Swinging her eyes back down to Harmony, Jessie slapped on a smile. “Sure, just wishing…April wasn’t being so bitchy about this.” She sighed, both with remorse and fear. “I wanted to be with you guys this weekend.

Harmony grabbed her bags and straightened, a frown on her face. “I know…me too.” She glanced back at April, hands on her hips as she scolded Kai for improper snowball fight etiquette. “This will blow over by this weekend.” Harmony looked back to Jessie. “Promise.”

Jessie smiled and sighed, reaching in the back for her own bags. Watching her, Harmony added, “Why’d you say that to her anyway?”

Jessie paused, considering. She really hadn’t wanted Harmony to ask that question. “I…I don’t know.” Securing her bag and backpack, she straightened. “Just PMSing, I guess.” She shrugged, her eyes flicking to Kai before she quickly caught herself and looked only at her friend.

Harmony gave her a sly grin, and Jessie wasn’t entirely sure if her friend bought that or not. There wasn’t much more she could add though, since April stormed up to the back of the car. Looking at Harmony and purposely ignoring Jessie, she said, “Are things set?” Jessie rolled her eyes and walked away from the vehicle, knowing by “things,” April meant her.

Harmony sighed and muttered, “Yeah.” As Jessie walked over to Kai, she heard Harmony mutter, “April, you’re being a real bitch, you know.”

Jessie smiled at Harm sticking up for her, then frowned as Kai’s eyes drifted up her body. Just that slight maneuver made her feel exposed, even with the multiple layers of clothing she was wearing. He was smiling broadly as she stepped up to him. As he took in the winter wonderland around them, the sunlight bounced off his eyes, making them twinkle as much as the icy crystals around their feet.

“Isn’t this great?” he said happily, looking just like a boy in a candy store.

Jessie smiled at his pure joy, then frowned again, remembering what she had to tell him. “Um…”

His eyes drifted back to her at the sound in her voice. He frowned, watching her face. Jessie sighed. Better to just spit it out. “April’s pissed off about what I said to her. She’s refusing to let me stay in the room with her and Harm.” Jessie sighed slowly, her shoulders slumping as she watched Kai’s brows furrow farther. “They’re asking that I stay with you,” she whispered, her heartbeat accelerating, just saying it out loud.

Kai’s mouth dropped open, his eyes flicking to April getting her stuff out of the car, and Harmony unlocking the skis from the roof rack. Looking too thrown for words, he opened and closed his mouth a few times. His wide eyes came back to Jessie. “But…”  His gaze traveled the length of her body, his face losing a little color. “I’m a guy…you’re a girl. We can’t…they can’t ask us…”

He swallowed, running a hand through his damp-with-snow hair. Jessie watched the dark pieces lump together into grooves. It was hot. She closed her eyes, focusing only on his chest when she reopened them. “We’re cousins, Kai.” She peeked up at his face and smirked ruefully. “We’re harmless.”

Well, they were supposed to be anyway, but when his eyes washed over her body again, it felt anything but harmless. But, as far as Harm and April were concerned, their sharing a room was no bigger deal than if they’d been brother and sister. Kai ran his hand down his face, studying the two girls at the back of the car for a second before staring at Jessie again. “What do we do?”

Jessie shrugged, tears stinging her eyes. “I don’t know. Can I…stay with you?” She swallowed, not sure if she wanted him to say yes or no.

Kai swallowed too, closing his eyes. He nodded a couple of times before opening them. “Of course. I said I’d be here if you needed me. I’m not going to turn you away.” Smiling at her tentatively, he shrugged. “We’ll just keep our distance. We can do this…right?”

Jessie smiled tentatively too. A large flake fell on his cheek and she had to physically restrain her hand from brushing it away. Sure, they could do this. No words inside her, she only nodded.

***********************

Three weeks. Kai had made it three achingly long weeks without caving, without calling his cousin, or showing up at her work, or dropping by her home in the middle of the night. And that had been difficult. That had taken every ounce of will power he possessed. He’d practically had to verbally abuse himself every day, just so he wouldn’t give in to the overwhelming need to see her, to hold her, to touch her. To watch her smile, to hear her laugh. To wrap a long tendril of her hair around his finger. It had been the most difficult three weeks of his life.

Even his coworkers had noticed his mood. Missy had tried, in her own way, to cheer him up. Mainly she’d flashed him…a lot. At this point though, it did make Kai smile. Shaking his head, he’d told her thank you, but no thank you. He was pretty sure his continued rejections were doing nothing to dissuade the woman. She was anything but a quitter.

Louis had reaffirmed that he’d find another potential breeding partner, seeming to think that Kai’s quietness had more to do with being dumped by an exotically beautiful woman than anything else. Kai told him repeatedly that breaking things off with April had been a mutual decision. That he hadn’t been dumped, and he definitely wasn’t looking for a “breeding partner,” but Louis refused to believe him. Personally, Kai thought it just made more sense to Louis, since, in his eyes, rejecting a beautiful woman went against the laws of nature.

But April wasn’t the one holding Kai’s heart, and he’d really had no problems letting her go. But letting his cousin go…that tore him daily. Even his boss, Mason, had commented on his attitude. Kai had tried to maintain professionalism with the man, but staring off into space one afternoon, Mason had called him on it.

Tilting his head at Kai once he’d regained his attention, Mason had asked, “Are you happy here…at the center?” He’d had a look in his eye that was so odd to Kai, almost hopeful, as if Kai would have made his day if he’d said yes and turned in his notice.

Kai had again swallowed the feeling of not being wanted. Raising his chin, he’d calmly replied with, “Yes, very much so, Mason. I’m sorry if I’ve been distracted lately. It’s a…personal matter, but I’ll do better to not let it interfere with my work.”

Mason had paused, bunching his eyebrows like he’d wanted to ask Kai more, but then he’d only nodded, smiling briefly before quickly walking away. Even after all these weeks, Kai really had no idea if the man liked him or not.

So sure, Kai had been getting through his life, but in a numb sort of daze. Jessie’s words in her bedroom seared through his soul whenever he had a moment to himself: You should be with me. You’re supposed to be with me. If Jessie only knew how much he wanted those words to be true. Things would be so easy, if he could be with her.

But instead, he was practicing distance – safety through solitude. Then his grandmother, probably also noticing his mood, had suddenly bombarded him with the brilliant idea that he needed to go out and have a life experience.

The way she’d put it, Kai needed to learn to ski, and he would never get another opportunity to do it, unless he took this weekend to go up with Jessie. The way she’d made it sound, it was almost as if all of the snow was suddenly going to evaporate, and if he didn’t jump on the chance, he was going to miss it forever. He had no idea what the woman’s real motives were behind him going, but she wouldn’t let up on him until he’d agreed.

And that was how Kai had found himself traveling miles away from the seclusion of his studio apartment in a painfully close proximity to the woman he was in love with. The woman he couldn’t have. The woman who distracted him every waking moment and haunted every dream.

After a few tension filled hours in a car with her, he’d tried to distract himself by taking in the snow-filled beauty around him. But even that had paled in comparison to her.  Then she’d said those fateful words, words he ached to hear, words he was scared to hear. She needed him. She needed to stay with him. And he had no choice but to say yes. Not just because he loved her, but because she was family, and family did hard things for each other.

Walking into the spacious entryway of the ski lodge that Harmony had set the girls up in, Kai tried to keep that in mind. They were family. He could share a room with her without anything happening. Just because he could barely look at her smoky, passionate eyes or curly, wild hair without feeling a tinge of arousal, didn’t mean he had to act on it. Kai was an adult, not a hormone crazed teenager. He had control of his body, and they could talk companionably until they fell asleep, him on the floor, her safely on the bed.

He walked up to the front desk, taking in the space around him as he did. The hotel was designed with a classic cabin feel, large wooden timbers visible under the roof and a few supporting logs spaced around the open area of the lobby. A large circular fireplace with a cylindrical flue was in the middle of the common room, with chairs and tables spaced around it, creating a comfortable place to take a break from the chill outside. Several guests were lounging with warm drinks, their skis resting on support brackets built along the wooden walls. Hallways branched off from either end of the common room, with wide staircases that led to the upper floors. The entire place oozed warmth and comfort.

Smiling, he gave the elegant woman running the front desk his name. Yes, he and Jessie could be adults about this. There really was no need to stress about something as small as sharing a room. Kai smiled wider as he thought of spending some time with her. He’d missed her so much, and now he’d, at the very least, get the chance to talk with his friend again. He’d meant it when he’d called her his best friend. She was. There was no one else he’d rather hang out with. Then again, he’d also meant it when he’d said he loved her. Kai had sort of connected the two sentiments when he’d said them; he wondered if Jessie realized that he’d meant them separately.

While the woman checked him into the computer, he looked over at Jessie as she walked up to stand beside him. She bit her full lip, her beautiful deep brown eyes looking around the homey, comfortable lobby. With the way they darted about and the way she continually shifted her weight, Kai thought she was a bit nervous about their upcoming arrangements. He wanted to assure her that everything was going to be fine, platonic even, but he couldn’t say that with Harmony and April standing right behind them.

As the melted snow dripped off a tendril of her hair close to her face, Kai watched the drop land on her fluffy jacket, right over her breast. Following the water as it traveled down the quilted design, he watched it head right over her nipple. A surge of desire flashed through him and he looked away.

What was he saying about being an adult? Right. Well, he’d work on it. And it would be nice if the universe would stop teasing him with erotic raindrops.

The polite woman gave him two room cards and wished him a pleasant stay. Kai thanked her and stepped aside so Harmony and April could check in. Jessie leaned on her skis, her bags in her other hand. Kai held out his hand and she looked up at him. “Let me take your bags,” he said casually.

She paused, her eyes flicking over his damp hair, then nodded, handing him her bag but slinging her backpack over her shoulder. Wanting to reaffirm that this would be fine, he smiled at her. She cautiously smiled back and Kai found himself staring a little too long into the depths of her eyes. Before he knew it, April was dropping her bags right at his feet. Kai startled, not realizing that they were already done.

April stretched out a kink and looked around the place. She smiled and inhaled. “It smells like Christmas in here.”

Kai smiled, looking around the space. It did. The lodge had a real Christmas tree across from the front desk and the smell of pine was nearly overwhelming, and comforting. Tiny sparkling lights were strung along the eaves and over the smell of the tree, Kai could just make out the scent of spiced cider. It was all sort of magical and beautiful. Kai couldn’t wait to spend Christmas here in Colorado. He’d never had a white one.

Jessie sighed, seemingly less impressed than April. Or maybe she was still worried. Biting her lip, she turned to a cheery April. “About the room… ”

Immediately April’s eyes turned as icy as the weather. She picked up her bags, hefted her skis onto her shoulder, and jerked away Harmony, who had still been busy admiring the lobby. Harmony squeaked, but followed. “Catch you guys on the slopes!” April called over her shoulder, clearly dismissing Jessie, and her attempt to get back with them.

Kai sighed, hoping April would give it a rest soon. She hadn’t much taken it to heart when Kai had assured her that Jessie’s spiteful comments had been more about him, than her. I guess you couldn’t just accuse another girl of being a whore and not suffer some recriminations for it.

As April and Harmony began giggling, walking up the stairs to their room on the upper floor, Jessie sighed. Kai playfully bumped her shoulder. She looked up at him, her eyes torn between wanting to stay, and wanting to leave and Kai smiled reassuringly. “It will be okay, cousin. Shall we go to our room?” Jessie smiled slightly at the familial term, then nodded.

Leading Jessie in the opposite direction, they found that his room was the last one on the first floor. They walked in and Kai whistled. There was an actual fireplace in the room, along with a jetted tub in the corner. The space was decorated as cozily as the rest of the lodge - large timber beams along the walls, smaller versions along the ceiling, and photos of the Rockies along the walls along with a set of antique skis and poles. Kai could see that those were securely bolted down, most likely to prevent their theft.

Kai’s addition to the trip had been a last minute one, and this room had been the only one available. It was costing him a pretty penny, but Kai was making decent money now, working for Mason, and lived pretty simply anyway. He had the extra cash and had decided that his Gran was right, in a way. Life was short, and he’d always wanted to learn to ski. What better time to start, than right now?

Kai set their bags on the king-sized bed as Jessie secured her skis on a rack near the door. Kai didn’t have skis; he’d would have to rent some before they joined up with April and Harmony. Jessie came up behind him, placing her backpack on the bed. “Wow, Kai, this is nice.” She glanced over at the adjoining bathroom and then to a table under the window surrounded by plush chairs.

Then her eyes focused on the rug on the floor in front of the fire. It was white and fluffy and looked like it could have belonged to an animal at some point, although, with the PC movement sweeping the nation, Kai was fairly certain the lodge had gone with the synthetic fur over the real stuff. But it screamed – have sex here. They both looked away from the rug at the exact same time.

Hours later, Kai was laughing wholeheartedly with his cousin, their earlier tension filled moments forgotten. While April and Harmony had left them to take their turns on the more advanced slopes, Jessie had stayed on the “kiddy” slopes with Kai. She was teaching him the basics of skiing, which basically meant that she was laughing her ass off.

While he fell repeatedly, usually landing on his getting-numb backside, she giggled, swishing over effortlessly to help him up. Kai frowned at a couple of eight year olds as they whizzed past. Nothing like being surpassed by people a quarter your age.

Sighing as he took her hand, he let her pull him upright. She laughed as she brushed snow off his back. Shaking his head at her merriment, he adjusted his poles and experimentally slid his feet back and forth. Kai had been certain he’d pick up skiing easily, since he thought it would be similar to surfing. He’d never been so wrong. But still, he was determined to make it down an adult slope this weekend, and that would be easier if his cousin didn’t find the whole thing so amusing.

Smirking at her, he said, “You just wait until I get you in the ocean. Then I’ll be the one laughing when you get a nose full of surf.” Grinning at her, he adjusted his goggles.

Jessie smirked right back at him, then chucked a fistful of snow in his face. She hit him squarely with the loose packed ball and it exploded into a fluffy white cloud that coated him like baker’s flour. She bent over in hysterics, then expertly darted away from him, sliding along the banks as fluidly as if she were a bird gliding among the clouds.

Dropping his mouth open, he shook his head and awkwardly started out after her. He stumbled a bit, feeling like he was alternately going to fall on his face or his ass, but eventually he caught up with her. Laughing as she glanced behind herself, she bent low over the skis, pushing for speed on the barely declining hill. Kai’s eyes laser beamed on the backside perfectly put on display for him. Grinning, he pushed harder to catch up.

Right when he was at that backside, he felt himself losing control. The hill had taken a sharp incline and he hadn’t been ready for it. He warbled on his feet, trying to remember if it was the V that slowed him down…or did that make him go faster? Was it the other way? Not knowing what to do, he did what all amateurs did; he picked up his feet and started stupidly trying to walk. Floundering, he lost his balance and fell over again, this time forwards. Jessie in front of him had slowed when she saw that he was starting to lose it and, unfortunately, he was now going to plow right into her.

Feeling like a jackass, he hit her and they both tumbled down into a thick bank of soft snow along the side of the slope. It powdered up around them, cushioning their fall and covering them in a light blanket of white. Breathing heavy, Kai dropped his poles and lifted his goggles. His legs, arms, and skis were all tangled up with Jessie’s, and he was pretty sure that he’d had to have hurt her somewhat.

She was lying beneath him, a light layer of snow hiding her beautiful face. She was completely still underneath him and Kai started to worry that maybe she’d hit her head. On himself, he only felt the vague bumps and bruises from falling all afternoon long, but maybe she was seriously hurt?

Panicking, he pulled his gloves off and cupped her face. The chill of the snow pricked his warm fingers but he ignored it, gently pulling off her goggles and brushing the fluffy stuff away from her cheeks and mouth. “Jessie?”

His hands moved down her body, unsure how much he should move her if she had a head injury. She still made no response, lying perfectly still. Kai tried to disengage from her body, but they were tangled so badly, he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began.

Fear leeched into his voice. “Jessie, please talk to me.” He leaned into her, trying to feel the warmth of her breath on his cheek. He couldn’t feel it, he couldn’t feel anything. Starting to panic, his hands brushed over her face and hair. “Please, Jessie…please talk to me…baby?”

Her eyes popped open at that, and she looked at him. Not registering what he’d just called her, Kai engulfed her in a hug. “Oh, thank god.” Pulling back, he looked down on her. “Are you hurt?” He searched her again, and then the snow around her; everything was still fluffy and white – no red, no blood.

Then she broke out into a huge grin and started to chuckle. Kai paused in his search for injuries. “Were you fucking with me?” He flushed a little at saying that to her, but she’d really freaked him out.

She laughed more at his language. “I’m sorry…I couldn’t resist.”

Kai twisted his lips in a scowl, then did the only reasonable thing he could think of to retaliate. One hand drifted down to her stomach and lifted up her jacket, while the other grabbed a fistful of pure, icy snow, plopping it onto her stomach. Her eyes went wide and she sputtered for a second before letting out a blood curdling scream. Kai started laughing as she squirmed beneath him; they were still so entangled she couldn’t get away.

Laughing so much that her eyes started watering, she begged him to stop. His frozen hand slid up her shirt, cold from handling the snow. She screamed more, begging for mercy as she laughed. Kai chuckled at her discomfort. “You promise to never do that again?”

Her hands pushed at his but he was stronger; he slid it even further up her clothes. “Yes, yes, I promise,” she laughed, her words coming out between screams.

Kai leaned over her, stilling her frantic movements. “Good,” he grinned down on her, still breathing a little heavy as the earlier exertion mixed with his fear, “because you scared the crap out me.”

Her laughter stopped along with her screams as she locked gazes with him. It was only then that Kai was aware of just where he had his hand. His fingers were suddenly warmer, almost burning as they shifted from icy cold to red hot. His hand had drifted to the place he’d jealously watched the raindrop traverse earlier, only he was much more intimately connected with her than the drop trailing down her padded jacket had been. His fingers cupped her breast, his thumb sweeping back and forth over the lacy fabric.

His gaze dropped to her lips as they lightly breathed on each other, just inches apart. She licked those lips and Kai could feel her chest under his fingers start to noticeably rise and fall, near heaving. Knowing he should apologize and yank his hand away, he instead slid a finger into a full cup. He closed his eyes when that finger passed over a perfectly rigid peak. His growing arousal told him he was skirting dangerous waters and needed to retreat, but the light moan escaping Jessie’s mouth spurred him to want to hear more.

Kai imagined the sounds she’d make if his lips closed over that nipple. It had been so long since his tongue had rolled around it. He pictured that snow white skin, that soft pink flesh. He started to harden dramatically as his finger traced a never-ending circle over her quivering flesh.

“There you are. What are you guys doing?”

Kai opened his eyes and glanced up at Harmony standing over their prone bodies. Kai felt every single part of him heat and his arousal fade to oblivion. God, why couldn’t he stop those thoughts when it mattered? And, oh god, had Harmony noticed any of that? He looked over the red-head’s face, but she was only raising an eyebrow curiously, not disgustedly. Luckily for Kai, he and Jessie’s tangled bodies, half buried in snow, seemed to have hidden all of that from her.

Kai started moving away from Jessie, finding it hard since their skis were crossed in awkward ways. Looking down on Jessie as he started mumbling nonsense about falling repeatedly, he noted Jessie’s pale cheeks and still sharp breath. That had scared the crap out of her too.

Harmony sighed and reached down to help. “Here, just lay still.” She unbuckled Kai’s skis from his boots, helping to free him from his cousin, the cousin he’d just fondled. As she untangled their legs, she said, “April’s done, headed back to the lodge. I thought I’d find you two and we could all get some dinner.” She smirked as Jessie and Kai quickly became two separate people again. “Good thing I did, you two looked liked pretzels.”

She laughed and patted Kai’s leg, letting him know that he was free. He stood up, feeling more confident now that he was just in boots. Sighing, he helped Jessie stand. She looked away from him, embarrassed, mortified, grossed out…Kai wasn’t sure. All he was sure of, was he’d screwed up. He sighed as they both followed Harmony back to the lodge. Guess he wasn’t as much of an adult as he thought.

Chapter   18

Sleeping Arrangements

Back at the lodge, Jessie handed Kai her skis and asked if he could put them in their room. Nodding at her, Kai watched her immediately turn away and dash after Harmony. Not even looking back at Kai, she climbed the stairs with the girls to go get ready for dinner in their room. Kai had gone way too far with his teasing, and he could tell he’d made his cousin uncomfortable. He couldn’t even tell her he was sorry, because really, how many times could he tell her that before it just started sounding ridiculously repetitive. Maybe instead of having ‘thank you’ monogrammed on his shirts, like he’d jokingly told her once, he should just save himself some time and stitch out all of his apologies.

Rubbing sore, aching muscles, Kai headed to his room with Jessie’s skis. They were bright pink and he got more than a couple of odd looks as he walked down the hall. Sighing as he slinked into his suite, he put away the flamboyant skis and flopped onto his bed. Taking a moment, he stared blankly at his ceiling, letting his confusion wash over him in waves. First he was fine, then he was hurt, then he was angry, then he was sad. He wasn’t sure where his mood was going to settle by the time he met back up with the girls.

Throwing an arm over his eyes, he momentarily considered not even showing up. But, that would seem weird to Harmony and April and they might come looking for him. Well, if they did, he could play it off as being too sore to do anything but soak in his jetted tub…which actually sounded pretty nice. Exhaling in frustration, he sat up. No, he needed to check on Jessie, make sure his latest floundering wasn’t bothering her too badly. The last thing he wanted to make her do, ever again, was cry. He’d seen enough of her tears the last time they were “together.” Kai didn’t ever want to see them again.

Changing into a warm, tight sweater and some jeans, he ran his hands through his drying hair and prepared to see his cousin again. After not having seen her for so long, he was growing increasingly uneasy the longer they were apart. Kai was pretty certain that he wouldn’t be able to go back to avoiding her. He wasn’t sure what that meant for them, but he needed her too much to push her away again.

Hastily leaving their room, he made his way to the lobby where they’d all agreed to meet up. He had to wait forever, but that was to be expected when you were waiting on three girls getting ready to go out for the evening. Kai passed the time by watching the snow fall out the glass front doors. It was so incredibly beautiful, almost unreal.

Smiling at the magnificence around him, he finally noticed the sound of girls giggling. Turning slowly, he spotted them nearly directly behind him, watching him watch the snow. Harmony grinned brightly when she saw that he finally noticed them. “Island boy, you’re so cute!”

Kai felt his cheeks heat and wanted to look away, but Jessie was standing right beside Harmony, and once his gaze locked onto his cousin, he couldn’t turn his head. He inhaled a deep breath and held it. Her curls were loose around her shoulders, brushing over the marvelous cleavage that she was exaggerating with a deeply cut v-neck sweater dress. It clung to every curve, sliding down her hips in a nearly intimate way. And good god, she had on thigh high boots. Kai wanted to curse at her, and thought that maybe he should have had that ‘could you dress ugly for me?’ talk with her after all. The slight twitch in his lower body disagreed.

Jessie smiled softly under his intense gaze but it was eventually April that brought him back to reality. Coming up to him, she teasingly smacked his shoulder. “Snap out of it. Haven’t you ever been surrounded by beautiful women before?”

Grinning, she jostled his shoulder. Kai smiled and shook his head at her, glad that she had kept up a friendly demeanor with him. It made it easy for them to all hang out together. Well, easier. Things with Jessie were never entirely…easy.

Extending his elbow to April, mainly to distract himself from offering it to Jessie, he sincerely said, “I think I must be the luckiest man in the world tonight, having three gorgeous girls with me.” Before he could stop himself, his eyes flicked to Jessie. Not noticing, Harmony grabbed his other arm, laughing along with April. He heard Jessie sigh behind him, but didn’t risk another glance in her direction.

Hating that Jessie was sort of being relegated to the third wheel position, well, fourth wheel, Kai disengaged himself from the girls so he could gentlemanly open the door for them all. Harmony and April played up their gratitude as they sauntered through. Jessie peeked up at him as she passed. “Thank you, Kai,” she said softly. He wanted to sigh in a disgustingly happy way at hearing those words from her lips. It gave him hope that she wasn’t too mad at him…for earlier.

Settling back into Harmony’s vehicle, Kai was once again shoved into the back seat with his cousin. April just refused to even sit near Jessie. Maybe Kai should risk a chat with her? Her peevement was a little more than was called for. Almost like she’d heard his thoughts, April twisted in her seat to look at him. Her long, black hair was pulled up into an intricately twisted up-do. It highlighted her elegant neck, along with the off-the-shoulder sweater she was wearing. April was sure to get some attention tonight.

She smirked at Kai. “Don’t get all disappointed, but we’re going to a restaurant that doesn’t use plastic utensils.” April winked at him as she twisted back around.

Kai smiled at her obvious reference to their sort of disastrous first date. Shaking his head, he met eyes with her in the mirror. “Prima Donna.”

She laughed as Harmony pulled out of the lot. “And don’t you forget it!”

Harmony laughed heartily at her friend as they pulled onto the road. Jessie beside him chuckled softly. She peeked up at him, her hand near his twitching like she wanted to touch him. Kai wanted to touch her too, so he clasped his hands in his lap.

The dinner wasn’t super fancy, but it was nice enough that it took awhile. After drinks, appetizers, main courses, and dessert, Kai was feeling a bit run down. Especially when his body started to let him know that he’d moved muscles today that were generally stationary. He was sore in areas that he never knew it was even possible to be sore in.

When Harmony and April struck up a conversation with a couple of guys sitting at the bar, Kai was certain that the evening was nowhere near wrapping up. He really just wanted to crawl up somewhere and sleep, even if it was the floor. Jessie watched him yawn softly, then glanced at April and Harmony. They had their backs to Kai and Jessie, Harmony twisting a red lock around her finger, April laughing huskily – flirting at its finest. Bringing her eyes back to Kai, Jessie rested her hand on his thigh under the table. Kai felt alertness seep into him at the contact.

“Come on, we can get a taxi back to the lodge.” She nodded her head toward the dark of night visible through the large front windows. Kai wanted to object, to tell her that she could stay and he’d go back alone, but he found himself nodding at her. Smiling softly, she squeezed his thigh before standing and swishing her way over to her friends. That dress curved right over her backside, framing it perfectly. Kai couldn’t look away.

Jessie spoke with Harmony for a minute then they both twisted to look at him. Luckily he’d raised his eyes just in the nick of time. Smiling dopily, he ordered his suddenly surging heart to calm down. He really needed to stop looking at Jessie that way. Harmony nodded, giving Jessie a quick hug before separating. The guy she’d been talking to at the bar smiled wider at seeing her decision to stay. His eyes drifted down to her chest, cleverly being emphasized in a teal wrap shirt that knotted right under her breasts; they stayed there.

Jessie walked back to Kai, her eyes roaming over his chest before settling on his face. Tilting her head, she smiled that soft smile that he loved on her, then extended her hand. Grinning, he took it. He helped her put her jacket on then slipped on his own. Waving goodbye to the flirty girls, they darted outside.

It was lightly snowing and the traffic on the streets was sparse. Not seeing any cabs, they decided to walk a ways under the snowfall. Kai was cold, but not freezing. Multiple layers were helping with that, but he swore it was Jessie’s presence too. He grabbed her hand, not thinking that he might be crossing a line, just wanting to share the warm feeling that he had in his heart with her. She smiled wider and leaned into his side. With no one to witness it, they walked a block or two in the snow, looking more like a young couple in love than two cousins walking off a hefty meal.

Finally hailing a cab, they made it back to the lodge, the two of them just slightly damp with melted snow. Kai almost wished they’d never found a taxi; he could have walked the entire way back with her, and been just fine with that. Jessie disappeared into the bathroom when they got to the room, saying she wanted to change for bed. She didn’t look as uneasy about the idea as she had at first. Maybe she figured they’d gotten the tension out of their system, with their moment on the slopes earlier. Or maybe walking through the snow had just evaporated her fear. Either way, Kai was happy that she only had a smile for him as she vanished behind the door.

Scruffing his hair dry, Kai changed his clothes, throwing on some comfortable lounge pants and a light t-shirt. Not wanting them to be chilly, and because it was a shame to not use it, since the room had one, he turned on the gas fireplace, smiling as it instantly bursted into cheery orange flames. Glancing at the animal rug spread out before the fire, he rolled his eyes and folded it up. Laying it on the chair under the window, he grabbed a couple pillows off the bed and an extra blanket he found in one of the drawers. Prepping his sleeping place in front of the fire, he smiled and sat down.

Kai felt a peace flow into him as he watched the flames lick the logs. A peace and warmth that he knew stemmed from love. A deep love, deeper than he’d ever felt before. A love he shouldn’t feel…but he did. He thought of Jessie in the next room. Thought of her smiling into the mirror as she brushed out her locks. Thought of her biting her lip as maybe she thought about him. Kai smiled wider, wondering what she’d choose to sleep in. He pictured her in black lace. Then he sighed and shook his head. No, really, if he had to choose, he’d rather she went to bed with only her perfect skin to keep her warm. If it were up to him, that’s what he’d pick out for her.

**********

Jessie quietly left the bathroom, her teeth freshly brushed, her face squeaky clean. She felt great, certainly better than she’d felt this morning. Once the shock of the room arrangements had finally worn off, and once she and Kai had started playing and having fun together, her tension about them sleeping in the same suite together had sort of left her. She’d missed Kai. Seeing him again…was indescribable. She almost couldn’t stand it when they were apart now. Jessie wasn’t sure how she’d go back to avoiding him after this. She wasn’t sure if she had the strength to resist calling him or going over to his place…not anymore.

They’d had an amazing afternoon together. Jessie had playfully teased him every time he clumsily fell. He’d stoically taken it and tried again. But eventually she just couldn’t resist and had chucked a loose snowball in his face. Dashing off, thinking his still clumsy abilities wouldn’t let him catch her, he’d surprised her by staying on her tail…then crashing right into it. Even then, wrapped up in his body, she couldn’t resist playing with him. Then he’d said that word. The warmth that had flowed from his mouth when he’d said it, even mixed with concern like it was, was unlike anything she’d ever heard.

Baby. In his worry, he’d called her baby.

Even his retaliation, once he realized she’d been kidding around about being injured, was nothing after hearing that word. Then, after the playing had settled down, the seriousness had seeped in around them, igniting them. And he’d touched her…intimately. She’d been begging him silently to feel her, and almost like he had heard her, he’d dipped his finger into her bra and caressed her. It had nearly been too much. She’d nearly climaxed by just that tiny stroking. It had been so long…

Then they’d almost been caught and reality had crashed upon her. She couldn’t do those things with her cousin. It was wrong, sick, and if Harmony had noticed…she wasn’t sure what she’d have done. Jessie had stuck close to Harmony’s side after that, wanting to make sure her friend suspected nothing. Luckily, Harmony had only wanted to talk about the advance slope she’d finally tackled. That had taken up her every thought, and she hadn’t given a spare one to the predicament she’d found Kai and Jessie in.

Feeling better that at least Harm was none the wiser, Jessie had dressed as nicely as she could for dinner. While she couldn’t resist taunting a pissy April with the coveted boots she’d scored, that Harmony had graciously packed in her oversized bag for her, she hadn’t really packed anything for a fancy outing. Harmony was notorious for packing just-in-case clothes, so Jessie borrowed a dress from her best friend. By the look on Kai’s face when he’d spotted her, she was immensely happy that she’d chosen that over the plain sweater she’d originally packed for dinner.

She felt a little odd around Kai at first, same as he seemed to feel around her, but eventually, through quiet conversations and soft smiles, a feeling had bubbled up in her that blocked out any disgust or awkwardness she felt around him. By the time the night was fading, and he was obviously tired and wanting to leave, her mind wasn’t thinking about their inappropriate moment anymore. No, all she felt was warmth and peace. She just enjoyed the sensation of walking by his side, pressing into him like she belonged there, like it was perfectly natural and perfectly okay. Jessie had never felt more content in her life.

That walk home, through the lightly falling snow, was what had made her okay about walking out of the bathroom, to share the evening with the amazing man in the other room. She couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather be.

Peeking her head around the wall separating the bathroom from the rest of the suite, she spotted Kai instantly. He was sitting on a couple of blankets spread out in front of the fire, like he intended to sleep there. Jessie smiled as she quietly stepped into the room. They hadn’t talked specifics about where they’d each sleep, but Jessie had assumed, since she was crashing in his room, that she’d take the floor. Kai hadn’t even asked. He’d just given the bed to her.

Stepping up behind him, he didn’t react to her presence. He only continued to stare into the flames, a soft smile on his face as he lost himself to whatever thoughts were occupying his head. Jessie bit her lip, wondering if any of those thoughts involved her.

She watched him silently as he watched the flames. The orange glow deepened and highlighted the bronze color of his skin, making him seem even more exotically attractive. It danced in his pale eyes, so light they seemed to absorb the color. His arms were loosely slung around his knees as he sat quietly, thinking.

Jessie’s heart thumped painfully in her chest. He was so perfect…and so unattainable.

She took a step towards the fire, wanting to share its warmth with him since she suddenly felt a chill run through her body. Kai startled, finally noticing her standing there. Looking up at her, his eyes locked onto the sleep-shorts she was wearing before drifting up to her face. Jessie tucked her hair behind her ears and gestured at the floor beside him.

Smiling, he nodded and slightly moved over so she could sit on the blankets next to him. Jessie carefully sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. She ran her hands down her bare arms, the light shirt she was wearing worn and comfortable, but not much in the way of protection. Glancing over at Kai watching her, she wondered if her outfit was inappropriate, given their circumstances. The shorts were a little short, the shirt was a little threadbare, but then, she’d packed her stuff planning on being in a room with her girlfriends. Comfort had been her only goal.

Twirling a long lock around her finger, she wondered what Kai was thinking. Maybe he was beating himself up about touching her earlier. He probably wouldn’t, if Jessie confessed how much she’d wanted him to do it. While that might ease his mind, it probably wouldn’t help their situation any, so Jessie didn’t mention it.

She stared at the flames and eventually Kai twisted back to them too. Silence permeated the room, but it as a comfortable one. It wrapped around her, warming her more than the heat the fireplace produced. Jessie couldn’t keep the smile off her lips.

“What are you thinking about?” he finally asked her.

She looked over at him. He’d brought his arms down between his knees and was rubbing his forearm with his thumb, like he was sore. Jessie smiled wider, thinking he was probably sore all over. Grabbing his arm, she took over for him, since she was the professional.

Jessie grinned when she watched his eyes flutter closed as she worked the aching muscles. “Nothing. Just that…this is nice, being with you.”

Kai opened his eyes, the sea-green lit from the side as he looked at her. “You’re not…bothered…?”

He shrugged and Jessie knew that he meant the incident on the slopes. She felt her cheeks heat, but she shook her head. It had been a mild slipup. One that she’d wanted him to do anyway. It really should bother her, the memory of her cousin touching her in such a way, but as her fingers worked up his arm, she felt nothing bad about the encounter, only happiness that he was back in her life.

Kai smiled softly at her response. He sighed happily when she switched to his other arm. “Yeah, this is nice,” he murmured, his face relaxed and content.

Jessie scooted closer to him, so she could move up his arms to his shoulders, where he was probably feeling the afternoon quite a bit. Groaning lightly, he leaned back into her hands. Sitting up on her knees, she scooted slightly behind him. Focusing on the tattooed shoulder blade, her trained fingers could feel the knots of strained muscles, and she smiled when he groaned again. She loved that she had skills that could help him. And she loved hearing him make that noise. Feeling that side of him looser, she moved over to other one. She pressed her body firmly against his back, much closer than she would place herself if he were a client. He dropped his head forward as she loosened his other side.

Feeling like she’d done all she could with his aching upper body, she dropped down onto her hip beside him. Closer than she’d intended to be, her entire side pressed into his. Kai smiled lethargically as he twisted his head to look down on her. “Thank you. I’m so sore.” A light chuckle escaped him and he nestled into her body.

Smiling, feeling his words heating her, she rested her head on his shoulder. He sighed and rested his head on hers. One of his hands came down to find hers and he rubbed her palm with his thumbs. Jessie sighed; as a masseuse, she very rarely got treated to massages. Cuddling even more into his side, her arm slinked over his thigh so her hand was more perfectly positioned for a good rub.

As he worked out the kinks in her hand, he whispered into her hair, “I missed you, Jessie.”

Jessie’s heart started beating harder. She pulled away from his shoulder and he lifted his head so she could lift hers. Staring at each other, their bodies flush together, their faces inches apart, his tropical eyes searched hers. “I missed you…so much.”

Jessie swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Her hand in his clenched his fingers, stopping his movements. Holding him tight, she whispered, “I missed you too, Kai. Every day.”

Exhaling, his forehead came down to lightly rest against hers. Shaking his head, he whispered, “It was so hard to be apart from you. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I wanted to call you all the time. I wanted to see you.” His eyes peeked up at her, their heads still touching. “I didn’t feel like anything really happened in my life, if I couldn’t share it with you.”

Jessie’s free hand came up to cup his cheek. Leaning into the contact, his eyes closed. “I felt the same way, Kai. I hated hearing about you through other people.” His eyes opened, looking sorrowful at what they’d both had to endure. “I wanted to hear your voice,” she whispered.

His hand released from hers, coming up to touch her cheek before brushing back through her hair. As he pulled back to watch the dark curls twist around his fingers, Jessie dropped her hand from his face, running it down his back.

Twisting the end of a lock between his thumb and forefinger, he lowly said, “I think about you. I think about…being with you.” His voice was husky when he said it, deep with desire.

Jessie’s breath hitched. She knew what he was referring to. They shouldn’t talk about that, not here, not completely alone, with very little chance of anyone interrupting them. That conversation would open too many doors that shouldn’t ever be opened again. His eyes peeked back up to hers when she didn’t respond right away.

“I think about that night…that night we first met.” Kai’s eyes drifted over her features as his hand came back to touch her face. He ran a finger along her jaw line, then across her lips. “God, I think about it all the time. I can’t stop…”

Dropping his hand from her skin, he let his voice trail off. His eyes were wistful as he looked away from her, back towards the fire. Jessie watched him, watched him struggle with wanting her and not wanting her. He looked so lonely, staring into the flames, his eyes a little moister than necessary. Jessie suddenly ached for him, suddenly wanted to let him know that he wasn’t alone in this, that she was just as deep in it as he was.

Tentatively, her fingers came up to his cheek. She twisted him, making his eyes come back to hers. “I think about it too, Kai. All the time,” she whispered.

Kai sighed, smiling softly before frowning. His hand coming up to cup hers over his cheek, he shook his head. “I wish there was a way to go back.” He sighed again. “To go back to that night, when being with you felt…”

He looked down and Jessie smiled sadly. “When all it felt…was right?”

Looking back up at her, he nodded. “Yeah,” he said sadly, his eyes switching between hers. There was so much painful honesty in his face that Jessie almost couldn’t stand it. She wished they could go back too…but life didn’t work that way. You couldn’t un-know things that monumental.

Jessie disentangled their hands and ran her fingers back through his hair, now dry after their romantic, snowy walk. She pulled him down to rest their heads together again. “But we can’t go back, Kai. We know now.”

Exhaling sadly, he shook his head. “What if we just…forgot?” He whispered that so faintly, Jessie barely heard him. She peeked up, her heart hammering so hard she almost couldn’t hear her own thoughts. Did he mean what she thought he meant? His eyes were down, he wouldn’t look at her. To Jessie that meant yes, it was exactly what she thought.

She cupped his cheek, forcing his head up so he’d look at her; it also brought their mouths closer together. “We can’t, Kai.” Even though she said it, she felt the heat of his breath on her lips, and all she was truly thinking was – they could. They’d hate each other afterwards, but, there was so much feeling between them…they definitely could.

Leaning into her, his nose slid against hers as they closed nearly every space between them. “I know,” he muttered against her cheek. His hand came up to her shoulder, rubbing a circle into the worn fabric. “I just can’t stop…remembering.” He sighed, his fingers starting to trail down her chest. Jessie’s heart nearly wanted to explode, and her breath was already heavy. She wanted his fingers to graze her again, and she knew how horrible that was.

His breath along her face was stuttered, like he was having trouble keeping it even. “I remember the sounds you made.” He whispered it, like he didn’t really want to say it but he couldn’t stop himself. His breath brushed over her cheek, tickling her ear.

Jessie sucked in a quick breath at his words, wanting to make an erotic sound right then, but not daring to. Her hand found his hair again, grabbing a handful and tightening. Kai hissed in a breath, then spoke again, a little louder. “I remember your body…on top of mine.”

Jessie dropped her mouth open, just his words making her weak. Pulling him close, their faces brushed past each other to bury in each other’s shoulders. His fingers finished their wandering, resting lightly over her nipple. His voice came out brokenly, choked with passion and confusion. “I remember your face when you came.”

Jessie groaned, squirming against his body, feeling it nearly happening again at just hearing him talk about it. “Stop,” she said breathily, her hand in his hair tightening, releasing, then tightening again. “Stop talking about it, Kai.” Desire surged in her as she struggled to remember that it was not okay to feel that way, to remember that they couldn’t just forget who they were, no matter how much they wanted to.

Her nose buried in his throat, her lips rubbing against the warm skin. His fingers drifted off the edge of her breast, then slunk down to her hip. “I remember driving into you.” Groaning, his hand clutched her hip. “I remember coming in you. It’s killing me, Jessie.”

Kai’s hand ran up her shorts, just under the edge of her underwear. Jessie gasped, throwing her head back. He was going to bring her to release and he hadn’t even really touched her. It was so wrong. It was so right. He groaned and grunted as he clenched her skin. “I don’t see you as Jessica Marie. I see you as Jessie, my Jessie, and I want you.” Groaning again, his lips attached to her neck. “God help me, I still want you.” His hand fisted her underwear.

She brought both her hands to his face, clutching him. Bringing her lips nearly to his, she paused as she panted heavily. “I want you too. What do we do, Kai?”

Squirming beside him, she wanted him to turn away and she wanted him to lie her down. He breathed heavily, his hand clenching and unclenching the edge of her underwear. It seemed like he really wanted to rip it apart but he was stopping himself.  Then he exhaled in frustration and pulled his face and hand away. “Nothing, Jessie. We do nothing…”

Pure disappointment washed through her. Do nothing? Jessie didn’t think she could do nothing anymore.  It was too late for that.

Twisting his face back to hers, she made that connection that they both needed. Her lips wrapped around his and he groaned, automatically moving his mouth along hers. They explored each other, and just like before, Jessie ignored their heritage and only focused on the sensation of the movement. As his tongue glided along hers, it didn’t matter as much as it once had anyway. Nothing mattered. Not any of the reasons she had to push him away, not any of the reasons she had to wish he’d pull away from her. The only thing that mattered was how much he meant to her and how much his touch ignited her.

As his hands moved to her waist, pulling her into him, one of hers stroked his cheek, the other trailing down his chest. Stopping at the edge of his shirt, she reacted without thinking. Her other hand coming down to help, she started trailing the light shirt up his stomach. Kai broke apart from their kiss when he felt what she was doing. Looking down, he paused only the tiniest second, then helped her fingers remove the fabric from him.

Her fast breath matching his, her fingers trailed over his tattoo before drifting down his abdomen. His eyes fluttered at her touch and he leaned in to find her mouth. Between their soft lips, Jessie muttered, “I love your tattoo. I love that no one else here has seen it.”

Kai groaned in her mouth, his fingers running to the edge of her shirt. Achingly slow, he slid the fabric up her stomach. Helping him once he reached her chest, she pulled the worn sleepwear off. Reaching for his face, she brought his lips back to her mouth. Now that she had him, she couldn’t get enough.

His palm came up to cup her bare breast, his thumb running over her nipple. “I love the way you feel under my fingers,” he whispered breathily.

Jessie allowed herself to moan and tilted her head to the side, angling his face down to her neck. Hissing in a quick breath, his lips and tongue stroked a tender spot in the crook. She panted his name, her hands tangling in his hair as his hand kneaded her chest. His lips came back up to hers, his breath and movements more urgent.  Feeling herself getting lost in the moment, her hands tightened in his hair, tilting him as she harshly drove her tongue into him.

Panting, he got out, “I love how you taste.”

She groaned again, knowing he didn’t mean her mouth. Her hands traveled down his chest. “I love the shape of you,” she breathed.

He groaned and exhaled heavily, knowing she wasn’t referring to his physique. His hand left her breast, grabbing a fistful of her hair. Twisting it, he sighed, “God, I love your hair.”

Kai gently pulled it and Jessie sucked in a quick breath, loving the bolts of electricity that flew up her core when he did that. She grabbed his face, pushing their frantic mouths apart so she could stare into those unbelievable blue-green depths “I love your eyes,” she whispered, her own hooded with desire.

Exhaling raggedly, he attached back to her lips, the passion in his kiss stealing her breath for a moment. Groaning he uttered, “I love how it feels to be inside of you.”

Dropping her head back, Jessie pushed her chest into his. Kai’s hands slipped down her hair to her back as he pulled her up onto his lap. Straddling him on her knees, she looked down as he looked up. The firelight danced across their bodies as desire danced across their eyes. “I love how it feels when you’re inside of me,” she whispered, lowering herself onto his lap.

Kai groaned at her words and held her tight against him, their hips naturally rocking together when they met up. Jessie couldn’t believe how ready he was, nearly as hard as she was wet. She let that marvelous length ride against her core. The teasing tension he released in her was so unbelievable; Jessie couldn’t keep herself from groaning in pleasure. All she wanted now was release. All she wanted now was for him to give it to her.

“Kai…do want me?” she muttered, not even aware she was saying it.

Moaning, he rested his head against her chest, tantalizingly close to a breast. “Oh, god, I do, Jessie.” His hands clenched her hips, pulling her into his arousal in a steady rhythm. Breathless, he muttered, “I want to be buried in you. I want to be consumed by you…”

“Oh…Kai, I want that too.” She lay back, pulling his neck to bring him with her.

As soon as her back hit the blankets, Kai’s hands lifted her hips, ripping off the lower half of her clothing.  Sitting back on his heels, his eyes dragged over her body. Jessie could feel the warmth of the fire on her bare skin, but right then, the heat from his eyes was more intense. His hands pushing off his lounge pants, he shook his head at her. “I love how you care for me,” he whispered, almost reverently.

When the last of his clothing had been discarded, he lowered himself over her, giving her a soft kiss while he held his body slightly above her. Jessie closed her eyes, letting his words wash over her. Only partially reopening them, she ran her hands up his chest, and up to his face. He was so beautiful. “I love the way you see me,” she said quietly, shaking her head.

Closing his eyes, he settled himself over her. Jessie could feel his hard body pressing against her, and wanted to care about how disastrously far they were taking this…she just couldn’t. He grinded against her body as her fingers trailed along his ribs. His erection slid against the slickness of her and they both groaned. Dropping his head to her shoulder, his hips continually pressed his ready body against the folds of her flesh.

Panting in her ear, he muttered, “Jessie…stop me…please…stop me.” His voice was strained when he said it, the ache in his voice palpable.

Jessie bit her lip, shaking her head. It was too late for that, far too late. She didn’t have the strength. “Kai…I can’t.”

He grunted and groaned deep as they slid together easily. One small shift, that’s all they needed.  Kissing her neck, he muttered into her skin, “God, what you do to me…”

Jessie’s hands ran over every inch of his body that she could touch. She knew exactly what he meant. That fine line they walked between friends and lovers…they were crossing it, right now. She couldn’t even bring herself to think of all the other lines they were crossing. Taboo lines, lines that would normally be twisting her stomach in disgust. But there was too much fire in her belly at the moment. And the ache between her legs was entirely too great.

She tilted her hips when he rocked against her again. They both gasped and froze as the tip of him slid in. “Oh…god…you’re so warm, so wet, so perfect…”  Kai’s voice trailed off into incoherence. Their bodies shook with restraint, until Kai shifted his hips and moved to her side.

Jessie whimpered with the loss, her hand going down to feel that wonderful length that she’d nearly had inside of her. Kai dropped his head back as she closed her fingers around him. “Oh, Jessie…I wish we could be together…” he murmured, his beautiful eyes closing as she stroked him.

She leaned up to kiss his chest. “We are…just touch me, that’s enough.”

He lifted his head to stare at her, his face highlighted by the orange flickers throughout the room. So much desire swirled in his features that Jessie almost didn’t need his touch. Almost. As she moved her hand against him, he brought his fingers straight between her thighs. His eyes never leaving hers, he inserted a long digit. Jessie let herself pretend it wasn’t his hand and moaned loudly, closing her eyes.

Lying back, she used her free hand to pull his head down to her breast. He went freely, his mouth finally closing over a nipple. Jessie wanted to scream with the ecstasy coursing through her.  Wrapping her fingers tighter around the warm hardness of him, her movements became demanding. He groaned into her chest, his movements in her becoming more forceful as well. She cried out and cinched her arm around his neck tighter, pulling him into her. His mouth sucked harder, his tongue frantic.

Jessie buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, her lips touching the black ink reaching up over the blade. Kai’s face shifted to the other breast as they breathed heavily into each other’s warm skin. Their bodies pressed tight together side-by-side, their fingers continued to explore the other. As Jessie’s hand moved over his thick length, her palm sliding easily with the wetness of her own arousal coating him, she could easily imagine that marvelous manhood inside of her. She moved her hips in time with his fingers plunging into her.  He moved his hips in time with the movement of her hand, but out of sync with her own swiveling. They both clutched at each other and panted in unison.

Kai twisted his hand probing her and slipped another finger inside. She gasped and groaned, clutching both his hair and his erection tighter. Groaning, he moved harder against her hand. Jessie moved a leg up over his, and never stopping their joint attentions, their hips repositioned in such a way, that if they’d pulled their hands apart from the other, they would have easily connected. Jessie brought the heel of her hand to her own body and stopped stroking him, still holding him tight. Kai stilled his hand as well, leaving his fingers inside of her.

Pulling back to look at each other, they began to rock only their hips, keeping their hands on the other still, like they were making love. Staring at each other, Jessie imagined the thickness in her hand was the stiff fingers traveling inside of her. She rocked against those fingers harder. Kai groaned and rocked against her hand harder. It was like having sex, without technically having sex. Jessie’s free hand traveled down to his hip and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to believe he was inside of her.

They rocked against each other, thrusting against the other’s body and Jessie felt the buildup coming. Clenching his body tight, she leaned in to find his lips. The panting building up as well, she started moaning uncontrollably. It was incredible, her imagination was only adding to the sensation. So close…she was almost there.

Speeding up her hips, she hungrily attacked his mouth. Kai groaned, speeding up his movements as well. Still in perfect synch, she felt the beginning of the wave rushing up on her. Dropping her head back, she cried loudly as it started approaching. Her hand automatically tightening on his throbbing mass between her fingers, he panted in her ear, “Oh, god, Jessie…I want to come with you…it’s not enough.”

Not thinking about anything but sharing this approaching explosion with him, Jessie twisted onto her back, bringing him with her. Removing his hand from inside her, she led him right to the spot where she needed him the most. He slipped inside effortlessly, not even breaking his rhythm, like he’d always been there. His body jerked slightly as she enveloped him. Tensing, he muttered, “No, no, I shouldn’t…oh god…yes…”

Kai began thrusting in her in earnest, holding nothing back. Jessie, already so very, very close, immediately started to orgasm. Grabbing his hips, she pushed hers up to meet him, prolonging the burst of euphoria in her body. She dropped her head back, crying out repeatedly as the waves swept her away.

His head dropped to her shoulder as he panted in her ear. “I feel you coming…I’m so close…I want to do it with you, so bad.” His body started to stiffen like he was about to climax too, then he slowed his hips and started shaking his head. “I can’t…I can’t do that…this isn’t right.” His hips slowed to near stopping. “I shouldn’t come in you…I should pull out.”

Kai started to remove himself from her and Jessie, still carried away on the best high she’d ever had, jerked her hips up to his slowing ones. Then she forcefully pulled on his body, successfully slamming him back inside of her. Being on the edge, he cried out immediately, “Jessie, I can’t stop it…oh…”

He grunted and groaned as his orgasm overtook him. Jessie felt the warmth spread through her, and at that moment felt only joy. His body rocked against hers for a few long strokes as they both rode out the bliss. There were a few residual groans and pants, and then they slumped against each other.

As his spent body slowly pulled out of hers, the joy faded, and grotesqueness filled Jessie. She’d just had sex with her cousin…again. But this time was worse, this time they’d known, and done it anyway. Kai rolled over and stared at the ceiling, his breath still a little fast.

Jessie had no idea what to say, and stared at the ceiling with him, small tears falling from the corner of her eyes. Why did the best, most intense connection she’d ever had with anyone, have to be with him? Why couldn’t she stop this feeling she had for him? Things would be so much easier, if she wasn’t in love with him.

She closed her eyes after finally admitting that to herself. She did love him, and not just in the familial way. Needing to process this new information alone, she sat up. Kai looked over at her, sitting up on his elbows. “Where are you going?” he asked quietly.

Jessie wiped some stray tears off her face. “I just need to go for a walk.”

He nodded and looked away. His face again mirrored all of the horror, remorse, and conflict that hers did. Briefly, she wondered if he loved her too. For his sake, she hoped he didn’t. Standing, she quickly dressed into clothes that she could wear in the main lobby. Kai kept his eyes away from her, either not being able to look at her anymore, or giving her some privacy. At the door, she glanced back at him still on the floor in front of the fire, completely naked and completely beautiful. Knowing she wasn’t returning before morning, she whispered, “Goodnight, Kai.”

He finally returned his gaze to her. She was surprised to see tears on his cheeks. “Goodnight, Jessie.” His voice was scratchy, like he was barely containing the emotion there. And she clearly saw that emotion. He did love her…and it was killing him. It was killing them both.

Closing the door, blocking out his grieved face, Jessie wondered who the idiot was that said all the world needed was love? Apparently they’d never been in this situation. An absence of love right now was what Jessie needed.

Chapter   19

Time to Say Goodbye

Kai ran his hands down his face. Surprised to find his cheeks a little damp, he wondered if that had really just happened. Did he really just make love to his cousin, or had he fallen asleep in front of the fire, and that had all been some horrid, wonderful, intense dream? If his spent body wasn’t telling him that he’d, once again, had the best orgasm of his life, he probably could have convinced himself that it was just a fantasy. But, he wasn’t so demented that he could delude himself in that way.

It hadn’t been a dream. He really had just been thrusting into Jessie. He’d listened to her scream in ecstasy in his ear, felt her body clench around him. And he’d satisfyingly released inside of her. Right now, she had a small part of him still inside her. The thought made his stomach hurt.

Sitting up, he glanced down at his limp, fulfilled body. At least one of them was happy about this. Shaking his head, he closed his eyes. Kai very nearly wanted to have another conversation with his seemingly independent male parts. He’d already told that stubborn piece of equipment that it couldn’t have her. Of all the times to rebel…this was the worst.

Running a hand through his hair, he stared off into the fire. No, he couldn’t separate his body into warring factions like that. The fact was…he’d wanted her, heart and soul, head to toe. He loved her so much he wanted that to happen every night. He wanted to hold her afterwards, kiss her head, fall asleep in her arms. Warm, safe…content. He wanted to go slowly with her, take his time. Drape her across that damn clichéd animal rug and explore every perfect inch of her.

But it was so wrong to feel that way. It was wrong to love his cousin like that. It went against all the social norms he was used to. It filled him with a conflicted loathing for himself. Why couldn’t he be stronger? Why couldn’t he turn away? Why couldn’t he shut off the feelings that cropped up whenever she was nearby? He knew he needed to, and he knew that if he couldn’t…then he couldn’t stay near her.

Sighing, he stood and shuffled to the bathroom. Kai needed to shower. It felt wrong, having the lingering smell of her on his body. As he turned on the water, he inhaled, savoring the scent of her hair on his skin. As much as he wanted to get rid of it, he also wanted to keep it. Irritated at his body shifting in two opposite directions, Kai glanced at himself in the mirror. He could just see the edge of his tattoo curling around his collar bone and turned to fully look at it.

Jessie loved it, loved that it was something only she knew about. Even something he’d done as a teenager, as a rite of passage with his friends, now reminded him of her. Would anything now not remind him of her? He ran his hand over the black ink, remembering his past, contemplating his future. He didn’t know what to do now. For the first time in his life, Kai had no idea what direction to go in.

Seeing the hot steam escaping the open shower door, he figured he could start with stepping into it. Kai sighed in relief as the scalding water hit him. The heat eased the tension in his aching muscles; the feeling of being surrounded by water eased his spinning mind. Just for a moment, Kai wished he was back at home. There, he could listen to the surf for hours. He could paddle out into the water early in the morning when no one else was around, and work through his problems with only Mother Nature as his companion. Of course, back then, his biggest problems had been deciding which twin he should ask to prom. God, how he wished he could go back to the easy questions.

He emerged from the shower clean, if not refreshed. His body only smelling of the lodge’s generic body wash, he found that he missed the lingering smell of Jessie. Wrapping himself in a towel, he hesitated at the door. Should he really walk out there like this, if she was back from her walk? And where did she go? Kai hoped she hadn’t decided to go walking around outside. Bad things could happen to pretty girls who went wandering about in the middle of the night.

Worry spurring his actions, he stepped into the main part of the suite only to find it empty. He looked around for any sign that she had come back, but everything looked exactly how they’d left it. Even their discarded pajamas were still strewn beside the fireplace. Setting his mouth in a hard line, he walked over to the stupidly romantic firelight and shut it off. He’d rather be cold than be reminded. Picking up their clothes, he shoved them into their open bags. Then he folded up the blanket, putting it away. Kai couldn’t sleep on it now, not when the dark blue fabric was burned with the image of Jessie’s pale skin draped across it.

Not even going to bother with trying to get to sleep, he dressed in casual clothes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he waited for Jessie to come back. He wasn’t sure what he’d say. He was sorry? It seemed such a tiny word, one that had lost all its meaning, it was used so much. Plus, should he apologize when she’d technically kissed him first? But…he had stoked her to that point with his evocative talk, and she had asked him to stop…

He should have moved away from her and said goodnight. They should have ignored the warmth and love in the room and gone their separate ways. That was how the evening was supposed to play out. Not this way, with both of them disgusted with their actions and hating themselves for their weaknesses.

Kai sighed as he slumped over his knees. He didn’t like to think of Jessie alone out there, struggling through this emotion on her own. Was she crying? She’d been lightly crying in the room. Hadn’t he just thought earlier in the evening that he never wanted to make her cry again? How quickly he’d ruined that.

Standing up, he started pacing. Maybe she’d gone to Harmony and April’s room. Maybe she’d finally confessed to someone else their horrid feelings for each other. Maybe she’d told her friends that she was in love with him. And he knew now that she was. She hadn’t said it yet, but he’d seen the look in her eye as she said goodnight. She was in love with him, in the same sick, twisted way that he was in love with her. Kai wished she wasn’t. It would be easier for her if her problem was only that she was attracted to him.

But it wasn’t. They were in love. Deeply in love.

Kai watched the clock as he paced, wondering if she’d come back. He wished he knew where she was. Even as twisted in knots as his stomach was, he still needed to know that she was okay. Biting his lip and looking outside at the dark sky, movement in the inky black suggesting that it was still snowing lightly, he decided he wouldn’t get through the night if he didn’t know. He just needed to know that she was safe.

Wondering where to go first, he headed out to the lobby. The lights were low as most of the guests were sleeping. It was pretty late, but the bars were still open. Kai wondered if Harmony and April were even back yet. Walking up to the glass front doors, he tried to peer out to the parking lot. It was dark and the snow partially obscured his vision, but the orange lot lights helped him pick out the vehicles.  While he couldn’t differentiate between the different colors of the cars, all of them looking varying shades of gray, Harmony’s had a wheel cover on the back and dark, bug deflector on the front. None of the vehicles he saw matched.

Sighing, he turned back to the lobby. If they weren’t back yet, maybe Jessie had gotten the front desk to give her a key, and snuck in while the girls were gone? Determined to be the suave flirt that could get any woman do to anything he wanted them to, which was going to be  stretch for Kai, he shifted to walk up to the where the polite girl had checked him in earlier. He wasn’t expecting her to still be there, as she certainly she was off work by now, but he was hoping whoever had replaced her was someone who’d cave to a set of sea-green eyes. Eyes that Jessie loved.

Shaking that thought out of his head, he stepped up to the empty desk. He planned to ring the bell, but a small placard near it read, ‘back in fifteen.’ Kai sighed. Not wanting to stand there, looking forlorn and dejected, he decided to wait in the common room. Whoever ran the desk was probably alone for the night shift, and was probably using a restroom or grabbing a bite to eat. Kai idly thought he should just go behind the desk and swipe a key, but really, all “keys” were electronic cards now and Kai was pretty sure those had to be programmed on the computer. He was also sure he didn’t know how to do that. And he was sure there were cameras everywhere.

Sighing again, he looked around the room full of empty chairs and tables, all surrounding a low-burning circular fireplace. Turning away from yet another fireplace, he looked around for the most comfortable chair to rest his aching body in. He found it immediately, and smiled when he did.

Kai walked up to a plush, padded chair that looked like you’d sink right into it and have to be helped back out of it. He smiled down at the form of a soundly sleeping woman curled up on top of it, her long, curly locks flowing over the chair’s arm as she used it as a makeshift pillow. Sighing and shaking his head, Kai gazed down on his exhausted cousin. Her face was pale, her lips slightly parted as she breathed shallowly. Her cheeks were red and splotchy, like she’d fallen asleep crying. Kai hated that she had.

Kneeling before her, he brushed a strand of hair falling across her cheek back behind her ear. She twitched at his touch, but didn’t move. “I’m so sorry, Jessie, for everything,” he whispered. Leaning over, he softly kissed her cheek. “I love you so much,” he said in her ear, knowing she wouldn’t hear it.

Jessie stirred and made a noise, but said nothing and didn’t open her eyes. Kai pulled back, his eyes drifting down her body before scooping her up into his arms. He couldn’t just leave her out here alone, curled up on a chair that looked comfortable, but would surely kink her body in unpleasant ways by morning. Jessie meant everything to him, and he couldn’t abandon her. Family didn’t abandon family.

Lifting her up, he was careful to not disturb her too much. She grumbled something under her breath and ran her arms around his neck, but she still seemed asleep. Kai paused, taking a second to just enjoy the feeling of her wrapped around him. Then knowing that that feeling was the source of all their problems, he sighed and started walking her back to their room.

He fumbled with the key card in his pocket, but eventually he got the room opened and staggered inside it. Kai was getting tired too, now that she was safe and secure, now that he no longer had to worry about her. Gently closing the door with this toe, he twisted and walked her to the bed. He laid her inside the turned-down covers, popping her shoes off before tucking her legs in. Jessie sighed contently, stretching once before turning away from him and curling into a ball. Watching her, he listened to the low, even breaths that she took in her slumber and smiled that, for once, he could take care of her.

His hand trailed down her back for a second before he yanked it away. He couldn’t shut off his feelings for her. He couldn’t stop how much he loved her. And now that he’d had her, freely and soberly, he knew he’d always want her. And there was no future for them like that. Swallowing painfully, he took a step back from her. There was no future for them at all. Tears stinging his eyes, he quietly gathered up all of his stuff. Once he was finished, he glanced back at her sleeping body.

Knowing what he had to do, knowing it would break them both, a tear rolled down his cheek. “I’ll always love you, Jessie. Always.”

Another tear followed the first and then he quickly opened the door and walked through it. Walking with his stuff out to the front desk, he was relieved that the night person was back. She blinked sleepily, then opened her eyes wider when she saw a guest obviously checking out.

“Hello, sir…is there a problem?” She tilted her head, seeming to be a little nervous that she was going to get a disgruntled customer on her shift. Her blonde curls swished over her shoulder, momentarily reminding Kai of Jessie’s darker shade.

Swallowing back the bile in his throat at what he was doing, he shook his head. “Um, no…I just…” He handed her the room key and his credit card. “An emergency popped up back home and I need to leave.” The woman smiled politely, relieved that she wasn’t going to be yelled at, and nodded, taking his information. Kai pointed back down the hallway. “My cousin is still using the room tonight, so…don’t kick her out or anything.”

The woman smiled as she swiped his credit card. “No problem, sir, you’ve paid through checkout tomorrow, so she can use the room until eleven.”

Kai smiled grimly and nodded, wondering what Jessie would think when she woke up, not in the place she’d fallen asleep, and with Kai and all of his stuff gone. Sighing as he ran a hand back through his hair, he pointed at the phone on the front desk. “Do you think you could call me a cab? I need to get back to Denver.”

The woman paused while reaching for the phone. “Are you sure? Denver is a couple of hours away. That’s going to be an expensive cab ride.”

Kai glanced back at the hallway where his cousin, the love of his life, lay sleeping. Sighing again, he twisted back to the curious blonde. “Yeah…I’m sure.”

***********************

Jessie’s eyes flew open. Her heart racing, a sense of foreboding permeated her. Looking around with only her eyes, she tried to recall just where she was. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she was pretty sure that she hadn’t been lying down anywhere. And as her arms curled tighter around her legs, all she was completely aware of was lying down.

Her hand came out to touch the heavy fabric of the quilt on top of her and reason started to fill in the blanks of her memory. She was back in one of the lodge’s rooms. But who’s? Dread filled her at the thought of a stranger lifting her and taking her back to their suite…for who knows what. Frowning, the rational side of Jessie’s brain told her that was ridiculous. Women that were absconded were not tucked into rooms in the same hotel where they were staying. No, if something nefarious had happened to Jessie, she would have woken up in the back of a van, tied to something.

Exhaling that at least she was safe, she slowly sat up. In the early morning light of dawn, she could clearly tell that she was back in her own room. Well, her and Kai’s room. That could only mean one thing. Kai had found her, picked her up, and gently put her to bed. She’d been so out of it, exhausted physically and emotionally, that she hadn’t noticed her cousin’s loving attentions.

Her cousin.

Jessie sighed, looking around the room for him. They should talk about what happened. They should talk about what they were going to do next. Jessie herself was torn on the matter. Half of her wanted to tell him that it was one of the greatest nights of her life, and they should just forget the societal walls they’d built around themselves and let the love between them grow unrestrained. The other half of Jessie wanted to spend a good half hour in the bathroom, heaving in the toilet before scrubbing every inch of him off of her. There was just something intrinsically sick and wrong about what they’d done. The “ick” factor of it was too strong to just ignore…or forget.

She’d made love to her cousin. She was in love with her cousin.

She’d spent a good chunk of last night crying - horrified over what they’d done, but mostly, aching. She wanted him, she needed him, and he was just out of reach. Unobtainable. It was like a railroad spike had been wedged in the middle of her heart. She couldn’t pull it out; surely its removal would kill her? And she couldn’t leave it in there; how does a damaged, misshapen heart continue to beat? How did they move on now?

Her eyes noting the emptiness of the room, she frowned deeper. And where did he go? The front of the fireplace was empty, so he hadn’t returned to sleep at the scene of the crime. His bag that had been tossed beside the table under the window was gone. Its absence alarmed Jessie the most. Surely he wouldn’t just leave? Would he really take off without saying goodbye, without talking to her about it?

The foreboding in her chest thudded to a nearly painful point. Did he flee from her? Was he so distraught that he couldn’t even stand to be near her? If that were true…would he stay here? Was he in fact, right now, making plans to leave Denver, to go back to Hawaii? Would she return home, only to find that her reason for being, had up and left her?

Jessie shot up off the bed, her hands running back through her hair. Lamely, she searched every nook and cranny of the room hoping to find him, hoping that if she couldn’t, it was only because he was out getting some coffee, and any second he’d walk back through the door. Kai was everything to her now, and the thought of him hightailing it back home, giving up everything he’d built here, because of her, well, it drove that spike completely through her chest.

Realizing that her searching the coat closet for the fifth time was pointless, that he wasn’t hiding in the room somewhere, Jessie gathered up all of her stuff, shoving all of the random things she’d pulled out back into her bag. She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t just stay and lazily lounge around while he was making plans to leave the State. For surely that was what he was doing. Why else would he have fled? Once packed, she threw her backpack over her shoulder and clutched her other one. At the door, she briefly considered leaving the bright pink skis attached to the wall; she didn’t think she could ever ski again.

Cursing, she snatched them. No, she wasn’t going to be impulsively careless. Her father had bought those for her before he’d left with her mom. She wouldn’t disrespect the gift by leaving them for some employee to toss in the lost and found. Holding them tight, Jessie briefly considered her parents and brothers, all very far away from her, living their own lives. They’d all loved each other, fiercely, but eventually life had driven all of them their separate ways. That was just the way of it for Jessie. And now, she was sure, that was the way of it with her and Kai. Love through distance. Why was everyone always loving Jessie from afar?

Strolling down the hall at a nearly speed-walking pace, Jessie passed the front desk. She paused, momentarily wondering if they knew anything about Kai leaving. A lively blonde man was chatting with a tired blonde girl. The woman seemed exhausted, like she’d been up all night. She giggled at something the man said, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. It seemed obvious to Jessie, although not to the guy, that the woman was openly flirting with him.

Deciding that they could at least tell her when he’d paid for the room, because she was certain he had before he left, Jessie walked up to the cozy pair. The man instantly snapped to customer-service attention, giving Jessie a glorious smile. The tired blond frowned slightly, before shifting back to professionalism.

“Good morning, Miss. Are you checking out?” He eyed her bags and skis, appraising what needs she may have of him.

Jessie bit her lip. She had no idea what her needs were…other than information. “Um, no, actually I was just hoping you could tell me when a guest checked out last night.”

The man frowned at her, in the most polite way a person could frown. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but that information is confidential. Company policy.” He gave her an apologetic smile. The blonde woman beside him discretely ran her eyes down his body.

Jessie sighed, currently hating the privacy policies the lodge instituted. “Well, it was my cousin and…there was an…emergency and he had to leave suddenly…” Jessie had no idea what to tell the man. She didn’t really know why Kai had left so suddenly, or if he even had. He feasibly could still be here…somewhere. Frustrated tears sprang to her eyes.

The blonde perked up, raising an eyebrow. “That was your cousin?” She eyed Jessie appraisingly, like she didn’t see the resemblance, then she shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about the room, if that’s your concern. He paid for it when he turned in his key, but you may use the space until checkout at eleven. Just hand in your key before you go.” She smiled widely, seemingly sure that her information had solved all of Jessie’s problems.

Jessie leaned into the desk, as close to the woman as she could. “You were here last night when he left?”

As if to emphasize how long ago that was, the woman yawned as she nodded. “Yeah, he said he had an emergency and needed to leave, but he wanted to make sure you could stay. I called him a cab.”

Jessie’s eyes widened. “A cab? To Denver? When?” She couldn’t even comprehend how much that had cost him. Did he really need away from her so badly?

The blonde tilted her head, thinking. “It was just after my break so maybe…1:30?”

Jessie looked away, those tears dangerously close to falling. Outside, the front door was being lit by the warm rays of the sun. The entire glass masterpiece gleamed orange. It reminded Jessie of the firelight last night. It reminded Jessie that Kai had had plenty of time to get home, and start making arrangements to leave.

The man beside the woman scoffed and Jessie returned her attention to him. “There’s no way a cab drove him home.”

Jessie scrunched her brow. “What do you mean?”

He looked over at her, throwing his professional face back on. “Denver is too far, unless he was carrying a thick stash of cash, no cab driver would go that distance.” He shrugged. “They’d lose too many other fares if they did. The buses around here only drive within the county, so the cab probably took him to the shuttle pickup point in Frisco. That goes to Downtown Denver daily.”

Jessie smiled, thinking he was maybe still there. “Do you have a schedule of the pickup times?” He smiled and rummaged through his papers until he found one. Jessie clutched it, eager for some sort of information on her cousin’s whereabouts. Smiling, she saw that the earliest departure time to Denver was 6:30AM, with an arrival time a little after 8:00AM. If he truly hadn’t been able to catch a cab home last night, then he’d only just left a little while ago. She hated that he’d spent the night in a grimy transfer station, but loved that he wasn’t on a plane right now.

She handed him back the flyer and thanked them both for the news, then she turned to go wake up her friends. Glancing back, she noticed the pair watch her for a moment and then settle back into their friendly conversation. She heard the blonde seductively murmur, “I didn’t know about that shuttle.” Jessie heard him huskily reply, “These are the things you have to know, working here.”

As she briskly climbed up the stairs, she thought that maybe he was completely aware that the woman wanted him. Jessie wanted to sigh. They probably didn’t have the obstacles she and Kai had. Life moved fast; she hoped they went for it.

Once at Harmony and April’s room, Jessie started pounding on the door. She was horridly aware that it was really early in the morning, and she was very aware that the sleeping guests around her would most likely call downstairs and complain to the flirty couple at the front desk, but Jessie had an abundance of nervous energy flowing through her and couldn’t calm down enough to causally knock. She had to get to Kai. That was all she knew – she had to get to Kai. She couldn’t let him leave town like this.

As she pounded on the door, she heard muffled cursing and what sounded like someone falling over. Groans and muttered oaths to kick someone’s ass filtered through the door. Jessie suddenly remembered that her friends had been out late last night, flirting with some boys. They may even have company in the room with them. She bit her lip as she heard someone shuffle to the door. It didn’t matter. The hung-over drunken boys would just have to wake up and get out. Jessie needed her friends right now.

Blinking in the faded morning light, Harmony’s face appeared in the crack of the door. Her red hair was wild and messy, looking like she’d been electrocuted recently. Running a hand down her face, she scrubbed her pale eyes like surely she was hallucinating. “Jessie? What the…” She paused in her reaction, opening the door wider. Looking completely awake now, her blue eyes widened as they flicked over Jessie’s face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Harmony’s voice lost all the edge of sleep to it as concern filled her. Jessie realized that the tears she’d been holding back had trailed down her cheek. She brushed them away; she didn’t have time to lose it right now. Jessie steadied her voice. “I need a huge favor.” Her eyes pleaded at her best friend and Harmony automatically nodded and opened the door for her.

April grunted on her bed and sat up on her elbows. Groaning at Jessie’s entrance, she glanced at the clock and then back to where Harmony was closing the door. “Jesus, Jessie? What the hell? Is there a fire or something?” She scrubbed her face and flicked her eyes around the room, like she was actually looking for flames. Under normal circumstances, Jessie would have laughed at her. But not today. Nothing about today was normal.

Shaking her head at a yawning April, Jessie set down her stuff and sat on the edge of Harmony’s bed. Harmony sat beside her and rubbed Jessie’s back, obviously sensing her distress. Noting that there weren’t any visiting boys in the room, Jessie exhaled in a shaky breath. “It’s Kai…he sort of left last night…” Her eyes shifted over to Harmony. “I’m sorry, I know you really wanted to spend all afternoon here, but I need to go home…” Her voice trailed off, guilt stealing it.

Harmony blinked and looked at their skis by the door. Jessie knew that what she was blindly asking her friend to do was hard for her. This was sort of Harmony’s thing, and this weekend was supposed to be the three of them out enjoying it together. Now Jessie was asking her to abandon that, to pretty much forfeit the money they’d spent on the lodge for a few more hours here, and all the girl time they would have had today, all to go chase down a boy. Even to Jessie it sounded unfair.

During Harmony’s brief shift as she thought about Jessie’s request, April sat up and scooted over to the edge. “Kai? He left? Is he okay?” Her face, equally as scruffy and wild as Harmony’s, looked genuinely concerned. While she and Kai may not have worked out in the romantic sense, she did like him and her face clearly showed it.

Jessie felt another tear slide down her cheek as she shrugged. She really didn’t know if he was okay or not. The last she’d seen, he’d been staring after her, looking on the verge of the same breakdown she’d had. Jessie had to imagine that wherever he was right now, he had to be anything but okay to just leave her like that he had.  “I’m not sure. He left while I was sleeping.”

Harmony’s eyes came back to Jessie, her brow scrunched. “He didn’t say why he was taking off? He didn’t say goodbye?” She tilted her head. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

Jessie opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. She had no idea how to answer her. She couldn’t tell them what had happened. They’d be horrified. Feeling her cheeks heat as she thought about it, she sputtered, until she remembered the tired blonde downstairs. “The front desk said he mentioned an…emergency…or something.” She looked between her friends. “I just, I don’t know what that means and I really need…” Swallowing back a lump in her throat, her eyes watered unnecessarily. “I need to see him.”

Harmony nodded, running a hand down Jessie’s hair. “Of course. We’ll go home, make sure he’s okay.” She looked over at April as the other woman got up off her bed and came over to sit on Jessie’s other side. Glancing back at Jessie, Harmony asked, “Can we eat first? Maybe do a run or two?”

Feeling even more horrible, Jessie fought the growing tears. Shaking her head, she said, “I know I’m spoiling the weekend, but I really would like to leave as soon as possible. He’s only a half hour or so ahead of us, and has he to get a taxi to his place from wherever he’s getting dropped off. We could get there at the same time…if we left now.” The tears won out and a couple spilled over. Her voice shaky, she looked between her friends. “I just really want to make sure he’s okay.” And that he wasn’t making arrangements for a flight back home.

Harmony patted her knee, smiling encouragingly. “Hey, it’s okay. He would have woken you up it had been anything really serious.” She twisted her lips. “Maybe it was just a work thing?” Harmony shrugged, not really knowing what Kai did anyway.  Jessie watched her stand up and nod at her pile of belongings strewn about one corner of the room. “We’ll just get our stuff together.”

Jessie nodded as Harmony got to work shoving things back in her bag. April beside her slung an arm over Jessie’s shoulders. Jessie leaned into her, grateful. It was the first time in a long time that April had been anything other than snarky with her. “She’s right, you know. Kai would have told you if it was a family emergency.” She shrugged adorably. “I mean, that would affect both of you, right?” She smiled like what she’d just said was encouraging. Jessie wanted to cry again.

Seeing the look on her face, April squeezed her tighter. “Hey, sorry about kicking you out last night, making you stay with him.” She leaned her head on Jessie’s shoulder while Jessie sniffled. “I guess I was being pretty bitchy about the whole thing.” Glancing up at Jessie, she smiled devilishly. “It’s not like I haven’t called you worse.” April winked at her and Jessie managed a small laugh.

Sighing sadly, Jessie thought of everything that had happened between her and April recently, and all because Jessie had tried to place her between herself and Kai. Truly a bad idea. She’d only added jealousy into the relationship with her cousin, and strained the relationship with her friend. She patted April’s leg. “I am sorry I went off on you.” Blushing, she added, “I know you don’t understand this, but it was more about him than you.”

April put her hand over Jessie’s and squeezed. “I know, he told me.” Jessie felt every inch of her tense. He’d told her? Told her what? April looked over her wide eyes and shrugged. “It’s kind of why we broke it off.” Jessie tensed even more. God, did she know? Oblivious to the terror in Jessie’s veins, April said, “You know. That he’s hung up on some girl in his past, can’t let her go.”

April shrugged again and Jessie relaxed, somewhat. The “girl” Kai had told April about, was obviously Jessie. Well, that was obvious to her, to April, it could have meant anybody in his past.

April’s face brightened as she sat up straighter on the bed. “Hey, maybe that’s it! Maybe it’s the girl? Maybe she realized what an idiot she was, called him, and begged for him to come back. Maybe he fled in the middle of the night to romantically run to her.” She sighed and shook her head. “I bet by tonight, he’s on a plane back to Hawaii, where she’ll be waiting for him at the airport. Then they’ll kiss, an orchestra will play, and everyone will live happily ever after.”

Jessie closed her eyes. April had just unknowingly spilled out her greatest fear. No, he wasn’t running to Hawaii to get to a girl, he was running back to Hawaii to get away from a girl. Her. He could very well be on a plane by tonight, heading home…alone. Only no orchestra would be waiting for him and there would be no happily ever after with the woman he loved. Not in this fairy tale.

Just then, Harmony looked up from stuffing clothes in her bag. Smirking at April, she said, “Well, aren’t you the closet romantic?” Then she grabbed a pair of April’s pants and chucked them at her. “Now pack up, I’m not doing it for you…again.” Harmony twisted her lips as April stuck out her tongue.

What felt like an eternity later to Jessie, the girls were all piled in Harmony’s car, ready to leave their getaway spot behind. Harmony sighed as she cast glances back at the mountain they were leaving in her rearview mirror. Jessie felt that guilt resurface, but she just couldn’t lounge around and have fun, not with the turmoil in her stomach that things were really wrong between her and Kai. She didn’t blame him for planning on leaving, for going back home. She just couldn’t stand the thought of him doing it while she was away. Jessie couldn’t handle the idea of him leaving without saying goodbye.

She’d make it up to Harmony with another trip in a couple of weekends. If there was one thing that was pretty easy to do in Colorado, it was ski in the wintertime.  Maybe she’d treat her friends to the best room in the lodge, to thank them for yanking them away from it. That was, assuming she ever felt like skiing again.

Sighing, as she hoped for the millionth time that they were gaining on him, Jessie felt April beside her pat her knee. “Hey, relax. I’m sure he’s fine.” Jessie gave her a half smile, not really in the mood to chitchat about Kai. April twisted her lips. Digging through her jacket, she pulled out her phone. “Did you try his cell phone?”

Jessie frowned and shook her head. No, she hadn’t calmed down long enough to think of just calling him. April pressed a couple buttons then put the phone to her ear. She almost immediately pulled it away while Jessie held her breath. April shrugged. “Straight to voice mail. Maybe the battery died?”

Jessie nodded and looked out the window at the sea of white capped trees flying by. Or maybe he’d shut it off, because he couldn’t handle talking to Jessie. Maybe he was done. As her stomach turned at the thought, April leaned across the seat. “Hey, you want to hear about the guys at the bar last night?”

Jessie turned back to her as Harmony started to laugh softly. April bit her lip. “Mine was a tight end for Oregon State… and yeah, he had a very tight end.” She giggled while Harmony shook her head.

Jessie managed a smile and leaned into the door. “I’d love to hear all about it, April.” Anything to stop worrying about Kai.

Settling in, Jessie listened to her friends talk about all the fun, innocent form of flirting that they had done last night. Jessie tried not to, but words and sounds of her own night filtered into her head. Kai breathing in her ear. Kai whispering how he needed her, how he thought about her. Her own sounds as he entered her. Him telling her, once again, that he was coming, that he couldn’t stop…

It was a long drive home with all of that in her head. By the time Denver rolled into view, Jessie’s stomach was knotted so tight, she wasn’t sure how it would ever release. Jessie explained to Harmony how to get to his place, since Jessie figured he had to return there at some point. Pulling up to the outside of the apartment complex, Harmony stared at it oddly. Too anxious to care why, Jessie started to open the door.

Harmony’s voice froze her in place, one foot out on the sidewalk. “Isn’t this where Ricardo lives?”

April beside Jessie scrunched her nose at Harmony while Jessie’s heart started thudding. “Ricardo?” April asked, confused over who that was. Then her eyes widened and she looked over at Jessie. “Oh, the Latin lover one nighter, right? We picked you up here?”

Jessie shook her head and shrugged, feigning drunken memory loss. “I have no idea. I doubt it was the same place.” Stumbling out of the vehicle, she hoped her friends didn’t start putting the pieces together now.

Harmony leaned over the seat to talk to her. “No, it was definitely this place. I remember the design on the door.” She laughed. “Oh my god, how funny that Kai lives here too.” She grinned impishly. “Do you think he knows Ricardo?”

April laughed at that and started humming, ‘It’s a Small World After All.’ Jessie quickly stepped out of the car, eager to end the conversation. “Can you guys take my stuff home?” April laughed and nodded. Jessie paused a moment to appreciate the friends that had done so much to help her, and not just this morning either. Giving them each a warm smile, she lightly shook her head. “Thank you guys both, so much, for doing this.” She shrugged. “You both really mean a lot to me, I hope you know that.”

April tilted her head at her, then leaned over and shoved her farther out the door. “Stop that, I feel guilty enough.” She playfully pointed a finger at her. “Don’t be getting all mushy on me.” Giving Jessie a quick wink, she closed the door. Rolling down the window, she blew her a kiss. “We love you too, Jessie.”

Harmony agreed with her sentiment, then added, “Hey, let us know if Kai is okay. He’s family, so, we love him too.”

Jessie nodded then waved as Harmony pulled away. She had no idea what she’d tell them. She didn’t really want to manufacture an emergency, and she couldn’t tell them the real problem. Jessie sort of felt stuck in her lie and she really, really hated that feeling.

Walking through the doors to Kai’s apartment building, her loud heart started getting even louder. Jessie didn’t know if they’d beaten him back or not. Maybe he’d gotten home earlier than she realized he could, and he’d already gone to the airport. Maybe he was already on a plane…leaving her. Woodenly, she shuffled to his door. She stood in front of it, listening for sounds. It seemed pretty quiet in there. Raising her hand, she softly knocked.

Nothing answered her. She tried again, louder, her panic giving her volume. Still nothing. She wrestled with the knob, but it was locked. Her rational voice was screaming at her that he wasn’t in there, but her heart didn’t want to consider that she’d missed him. Not wanting to disturb his neighbors, but needing him to be in there, she pounded on the door with the side of her hand. “Kai?”

“Jessie?”

The sound had come from behind her and she spun around. Kai was standing in front of the elevator, staring at her like he was seeing a vision that couldn’t be real. Jessie let out a long exhale. He was still here. She leaned back against his door as he slowly approached her. He still carried his bags from the trip, so he hadn’t even been home yet; she had beaten him. His face was worn, his incredible eyes heavy with weariness. Unlike her, it seemed that he hadn’t slept at all.

Kai tilted his head as he stepped in front of her. “How…? What are you doing here?”

Jessie straightened and took a step towards him. “You left? You just…left?”

Kai looked away, his shoulders slumping. Looking exhausted, he shrugged. “I had to, Jessie. I couldn’t stay. Not after…” Looking back up, his gaze going to just over her shoulder, he pointed at the door. “Let’s go inside.” He dangled the keys in his hand and Jessie stepped aside so he could unlock his place. His body brushed against hers as he opened the door, but he still kept his eyes from her.

Her heart hurting, her stomach churning, she followed him into his apartment. The apartment. The place where this whole mess had started.

Kai set his bags down in the kitchen, and then leaned back against the counter, his hands carefully tucked behind him. He sniffed and stared at the floor, still not looking at her. As she closed the door, she wanted to cry again. He couldn’t even look at her. Jessie stayed with her back against the door, ignoring the memory of the first time that her back had been shoved against this door. Things were so different now than back when he’d only been a fling, only the elusive “Ricardo” that her friends loved to tease her about.

Her voice coming out with a horrid warble in it, she broke the silence in the room. “Kai…?”

She couldn’t say any more than that and he finally looked up at her. His eyes were wet. “I needed to get away from you, Jessie, because staring at you in that bed…all I wanted to do…was join you.”

Jessie closed her eyes, his words washing over her as soothingly as his hands had earlier. He hadn’t fled in disgust. He’d fled from desire, from love. Opening her eyes, Jessie wondered if that was any better. His pained eyes confirmed that he didn’t think it was. He shook his head. “And I can’t. I can’t let myself cave to these feelings I have for you. It’s wrong, Jessie.” Kai shrugged, his face tired and hopeless.

Jessie bit her lip, begging the water in her eyes not to fall. “I know,” she whispered. He nodded and looked down again. The room once again swirling with a tension filled quiet, Jessie whispered, “Are you leaving?” One tear disobeyed her, traveling down her cheek to drip onto the floor.

Kai looked up, glancing at her cheek before returning to her eyes. His seemed torn, like he wanted to sweep her in his arms, but wanted to keep his distance. Swallowing, he looked at the door she was leaning against. Frowning, he looked back at her. “Is that why you rushed here? You thought I’d come home, get my stuff, and head back to Hawaii…today?”

Closing her eyes, Jessie nodded. She felt him step towards her, heard his shoes move across the linoleum. “Jessie, I would never leave without…saying goodbye first.”

She opened her eyes to find him a few steps in front of her, his arms loose at his sides. Jessie couldn’t help but note that he hadn’t said that he’d never leave. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re leaving?”

He looked down again and Jessie saw something fall from his eyes to splash on his jeans. Tears. Jessie’s stomach squeezed. It was rarely ever a good thing when men were reduced to tears. “Not today…” he whispered.

She took a step towards him. “Kai…”

His hand came out to stop her from getting any closer. “I can’t be around you, Jessie. I thought it would get easier…but it’s only gotten worse.” He looked up at her, telltale tracks on his cheeks. “The more I get to know you, the more I want you. You’re perfect for me. Take away the fact that we’re family, and you’re perfect for me.” He shook his head. “I think that’s what really kills me. You’re everything I could have asked for…and I can’t have you.”

Kai sniffed, struggling to not lose control. Jessie nodded, struggling to maintain hers as well. “I know. You’re…all I’ve ever wanted.” She shrugged and he closed his eyes, his tired body slumping more.

Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his hair. The hand trembled, along with his voice. “I thought that we could get through this…attraction together, but it’s gone so far beyond that now, I don’t think it’s even possible to work through it anymore.”

Jessie stepped forward. Standing a foot away, she reached out and swiped her thumb under his tired eyes, drying the tear marks. He exhaled softly and leaned into her touch. “What are you saying, Kai?”

His eyes popped open, a new tear running over Jessie’s thumb still on his cheek. “We need…space, Jessie.” He reached up and grabbed her hand, pulling it away from his skin. His words mixed with his actions ominously. His tropical eyes searching hers, he whispered, “We tried just being family, we tried placing another person between us, and we even tried not seeing each other.” He shook his head as Jessie felt her own tears finally freely falling. His eyes watching them, he continued. “And all that did…was lead to…”

Stopping, he bit his lip. Jessie flushed, thoughts of last night again running through her mind. His eyes flicked over her face. “Even now, watching you, I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, and I want to tell you that I…I…” He stopped again and sighed. “And I can’t. I shouldn’t. Because this is wrong.”

His hand still holding hers, dropped it, and he took a step away from her. “If we stay in the same city, the same State…if we stay around each other, it’s going to happen again. Our lives are too connected here, with Gran, with your friends. The world is too small…” Kai sighed and looked to the side, like he couldn’t bear to break her heart directly. “I can’t do this. I can’t hurt my family like that. I can’t let you hurt our family like that. As much as I want you, as much as I need you, this is wrong, Jessie. It’s twisted and sick and…” he looked back at her, his eyes hurt, tired, and apologetic, “…and I can’t stop thinking about you. So…for now…I need to go home.”

Jessie felt her chest constrict. She could barely breathe. Somehow, she managed to croak out, “Will you come back?”

Another tear fell from his eye as he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She nodded, feeling dizzy. Not knowing how she’d get through the pain eating a hole through her stomach, she clenched it and muttered, “If not today, when will you leave?”

Kai sighed, a hand reaching out to her before stopping and dropping back to his side. “I need to let work know that I’ve had a change of plans. I thought I’d give them two weeks, starting tomorrow…”

Jessie found herself stepping back, running into the door again. She was grateful for its hard, unforgiving shape; it was the only thing keeping her upright. Two weeks? That’s all the time she had left with the love of her life?

Her hands came up to her face as she struggled with the simple act of standing and breathing. Who knew that things she’d been doing since infancy, could suddenly become so hard? But the pain she felt was so much worse than any other pain a boy had given her. It made the crushing blow of discovering Jeremy’s betrayal, seem a pleasant experience in comparison. It was made that much worse, because she knew he was right. She couldn’t be angry with Kai, because he was doing the right thing. If he stayed, even if they tried to not see each other, life would find a way to cross their paths, and they would cave again. They loved each other too much to resist. She was positive of that. And so was Kai. That’s why he was breaking his own heart to put himself as far away from her as he could. And Jessie knew now…that she had to let him leave. They shouldn’t be together. They couldn’t be together. Even still, she had no idea how to be apart either.

As she felt herself start to sink to the floor, Kai’s arms were suddenly around her. He gave her strength, helping her stand, and she clutched at him, never wanting to let him go. Her arms cinched tight around his neck, his arms wrapped completely around her ribs. She finally felt whole…and it sickened her. Weeping into his shoulder, she managed to get out, “Can I be there…at the airport, when you leave?”

Kai pulled back to look at her, a hand coming up to brush her tears away. Nodding, he rested his head against hers. “Yeah…I think I’d like that.” He sighed as he shook his head. “No, I think I need that.”

She exhaled a stuttered breath and unintentionally brushed her lips against his. “We shouldn’t see each other until then.”

He choked back a sob, swallowing repeatedly. Then his lips brushed hers softly. Against them he murmured. “I know.”

Jessie allowed a tender kiss between them. It was short, but held more emotion than any kiss she’d ever received in her lifetime. Immediately after their lips parted ways, she whispered, “I’ll miss you, Kai.”

He nodded against her, sighing brokenly. “I’ll miss you too, Jessie.”

They pulled apart from each other reluctantly, neither one really wanting to let go, but both knowing that they had to. He cupped her cheeks when they were a foot apart again, searching her face for an achingly long time, like he was memorizing it. Then he sighed, shook his head, and kissed her forehead. Jessie closed her eyes as he murmured into her skin, “Goodbye, cousin.”

Stepping back from her, he let her move to open the door. With her hand clenching the doorknob so hard she knew she’d be tender the next morning, she gazed at him. His exotic beauty: the stunning eyes, the deep skin, the intricate swirls of his hidden tattoo. And all of his physical attractiveness overshadowed by the goodness in his heart – it seared her. Jessie didn’t think she’d ever quite love anyone else, the way that she loved him. She shook her head, her voice calmer than it had been since entering this fateful apartment. “I love you, Kai.”

His lips curled into a small, sad smile. “I love you too…Jessica Marie.”

Chapter   20

Truth Hurts

Kai woke up Monday morning feeling a knot in his stomach that he hadn’t felt since he’d first discovered who Jessie was. He knew what he had to do, and he knew it was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make his decision any easier. If anything, it was harder. Because a part of him wanted to ignore what was right, and fly to the woman he loved, a woman who loved him back. They’d finally admitted that to each other, and instead of being the heartwarming moment that brought two people together, it had the opposite effect on them. It was driving them apart. Thousands of miles apart.

Kai sat up on his bed, staring at the red river rock photograph that Jessie had given him. She was so caring, so wonderful. He couldn’t imagine his life now without her in it. But he had to. Today he had to start making plans to go back. Back to the home he’d left. Life had been so simple when he’d boarded the plane to come here, it was a little confounding to Kai how different the return flight would be. Especially with Jessie being there, seeing him off at the gate.

Kai sniffed and stared at his feet. That might be the last time they see each other…ever. His head couldn’t even comprehend it. He started to think of ways around it. Maybe they could try and not see each other again? Maybe, if he cut off ties with April and Harmony, he wouldn’t run into Jessie, or hear much about her? But Gran…they was no way around that one. Their mutual grandmother was big on family togetherness, although, even she wouldn’t approve of the level of togetherness that he and Jessie had. But she’d surely make living here and remaining separate from Jessie impossible. Eventually, she would unknowingly shove them together.

He sighed, standing. Even now he could run through a list of times they’d be forced together – Christmas, Gran’s birthday, Kai’s birthday, Jessie’ birthday, Easter, Grandpa and Gran’s anniversary, one she still celebrated every year, even after his death. Sighing again, he trudged to the shower. He’d somehow managed to fake an illness a few weeks ago that had gotten him out of Thanksgiving dinner, but Kai knew that he couldn’t do that every time there was a family event to go to, not without raising some serious red flags.  There was just no way they could remain here together and not see each other.

Turning on the water, Kai reaffirmed his decision to leave. It was the only way to stop them from…loving each other in the way that they wanted to - man to woman, boyfriend to girlfriend…husband to wife. Kai shook his head to clear the thought. That was most definitely not an option.

They weren’t anything but family. Kai had even made that distinction as he’d professed his feelings for her. As he ran his hand under the warm water, trailing his fingers through the stream, he wondered if Jessie had caught the significance of what he’d said.

He’d called her by her full name, a name that only family called her. But he’d had to, because even though he may not think of her that way, there was no denying who she was. In his head, she may be Jessie, the warm, caring girl he’d met at a club one night, but in reality, she was Jessica Marie, his first cousin, by blood. And while he might be able to eventually fool himself into believing that their relationship was okay, the blood didn’t lie, and there was just no getting around the fact that they were family.

No, their being together…wasn’t an option.

Kai undressed and slid into the water, the familiar peace of it washing into him, although, not soothing him to the extent that it once used to. He was fairly certain that nothing would completely soothe him anymore. And now…now he had some decisions to make. Namely, who did he talk to first?

Scrubbing his hair and body with the shampoo Jessie had picked up for him, he debated calling his parents. He imagined listening to his father’s reaction to him telling him that he was giving up here and coming back home. Remembering his father’s distance lately, the thought soured his stomach even more. Whatever was going on between them, Kai was positive that that conversation would have his dad, if not outright telling him that he was disappointed in him, than definitely being odd and detached with him. He may or may not say it to Kai, but the message would come through loud and clear, and Kai wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing his father’s silent condemnation.

Rinsing his hair clean, he considered his mother. She would certainly have the opposite reaction. Seeing as how he received bi-weekly care packages from her, including everything from local foods from home that he couldn’t get here, to new underwear, he imagined that she’d be overjoyed to have him back. But then again, she worked with Kai’s dad, and would surely tell him. That led back to scenario number one again, and Kai would rather wait a few days to face that talk.

Hating how childish that sounded, Kai shut the water off and stepped out. He considered telling his grandmother, and nodded his head. He would do that today, but he’d do it in person. She’d probably be thrilled with the news, as she had repeatedly told him that he should go home if he wasn’t happy working at the center. While that wasn’t Kai’s true reason for leaving, he could emphasize that part of it for his grandmother. And if he asked her to, he was pretty certain she wouldn’t tell his father he was coming home. For a little while anyway.

At least, not until Kai could decide what to say to the man who’d done him such a big favor, by helping secure him such a coveted job position. Kai knew that his parents’ connections within the little scientific community had gone a long way in helping him skip a few steps, and he didn’t take that for granted. He sort of felt that turning away from the dream job he’d been given, was almost like slapping his dad’s generosity in the face, and Kai wasn’t prepared to do that to him just yet.

Walking back to his room, Kai got dressed in his multiple layers of clothing followed by his teal work polo. Truly, the first conversation he needed to have today was with the boss that didn’t like him anyway. Surely Mason would be just as thrilled as his grandmother. More so, since Kai knew his grandmother would miss him when he left. He was fairly certain that Mason wouldn’t think about him again once he stepped out of the center’s doors for the last time.

Once outside his studio door, Kai locked it. His head envisioned Jessie pounding her fist on it yesterday, desperate to talk to him. He’d fled from her, to halt the blooming love between them. He’d taken a taxi to a dismally lit transfer station, and waited on a hard park bench outside with a bum and a couple of drunken frat boys. He’d been exhausted, but his mind had been spinning so badly, sleep had evaded him. He’d flip-flopped between going back to Jessie, or staying on that hard, cold bench. Eventually, and with an enormous amount of will power on his part, he’d stayed right where he was, and the shuttle had finally come and picked him up.

And then…she’d been there. Like magic, like he hadn’t left her side at all, she’d been there, waiting for him by the time he’d gotten a taxi ride home. Kai couldn’t even imagine how she’d gotten to him so fast. And at first, he hadn’t been sure why she had. Certainly she could have rested longer, and they could have talked in the evening when her and her roommates had gotten home? But then she’d confessed her fears and he’d understood. She had been afraid that he was leaving…that he’d up and leave her without another word.

A part of him couldn’t believe that she thought he was capable of that. A part of him wondered if maybe that wasn’t the smarter thing to do. And even though leaving the State was his plan, and he’d heartbreakingly had to tell her about it, he couldn’t imagine not getting one last goodbye with her. Regardless of how painful that goodbye was going to be, he’d meant it, when he’d said he needed it.

Humming through the city on his bike, Kai started preparing all of the speeches he’d tell to people, beginning the proceedings of what would eventually be goodbye. His studded tires thudded along the dry road still clear of snow and ice. It hadn’t snowed in the city yet, but farther up the mountains, where his work was based, a blanket of the fluffy stuff was usually to be found.

He’d spun out a few times until he’d gotten the tires. Louis told him daily that a bike was not going to cut it come February.  He’d made Kai a pretty generous offer on an old truck that he’d converted to burn bio-diesel. Kai had been considering setting up a payment plan with him and buying it, especially when the wind had picked up and the ice in it had gone straight through the suit he wore to stay warm. Driving in an enclosed cabin had been starting to sound nicer and nicer every day. But now, well, he really didn’t need to worry about it anymore.

Pulling into the parking area, Kai shivered as he shut off his bike. He hadn’t taken two steps away from his Honda, his helmet in hand since he wasn’t a big fan of an icy head, when Missy stepped up to him. Wearing an oversized parka with fur around the trim, she seemed liked she’d just been out exploring the arctic.

“Morning, Kai.” She smiled as she eyed him slowly up, then slowly down. When she got back to his face, she frowned. Grabbing a section of his insulated riding pants, a little closer to the crotch region than was really necessary, she said, “These do nothing for you. I can’t wait until the weather warms up.” Her lips twisted in a smile as she raised her eyebrows repeatedly.

Kai shook his head and started walking towards the building. He really didn’t care how he looked, as long as he was as warm as he could be. “Good morning to you too, Missy.” Kai didn’t mention that he wouldn’t be here when the weather warmed up. He intended to tell his coworkers, but really, his boss should come first. Besides, faced with the thought of him leaving…he really wasn’t sure what Missy would do.

She huffed as she squeezed her down-padded body through the door with him. Kai grunted as he tried to not squish her into the doorframe. Once they popped through the other side, she looked up at him and poked a finger in his shoulder. “I’m very happy you’re not still seeing that August person.”

Kai cracked a smile as he waved at a group of people starting their morning routines. Continuing on to the storage room, where he could change out of his riding gear, he laughed once. “You mean April?”

She blew out a quick puff of air. “Whatever the month was, I’m just glad it’s over. She was never right for you.” Missy looked up at him and batted her lashes beneath her black rimmed glasses. Kai was all too aware just who she thought was perfect for him.

Shaking his head, Kai opened the door to the storage room. As he could have predicted, she darted in right behind him. Once they were alone in the room, she backed against the door and seductively began to unzip her jacket. Kai really hoped that’s all she took off in here. Twisting away from her, he set down his helmet and started unzipping his heavy coat.

From behind him, he heard the sounds of her undressing, her husky voice floating over the top of it. “Besides, she had to be mental, if she let something like you go.”

Kai sighed softly, ignoring her comment, like he always did, and slid his riding pants over his hips. He had them mid-thigh when he heard her whistle approvingly. Twisting around, he smirked at her. Luckily, he found her fully dressed, only having removed her winter coat, hanging it on a coat rack by the door. She smiled wide, now that she had his attention again, then curled a piece of her frizzed hair around her finger. “If I had you, you’d never get my claws out of you.” She growled at the end of that, miming a cat’s claws with her nails.

Kai unzipped the ends of his pants and slid them over his boots. He laid them on a shelf near his jacket and straightened to look at her. “Well, Missy, it’s a good thing you never had me then.” He tilted his head and raised a corner of his lip. “And I’m pretty sure I’ve already mentioned this, but it was a mutual decision to stop seeing each other. We’re even still friends.”

She smirked as she grabbed her gadget belt off of a shelf opposite his. “Too bad for her, yeah for me,” she muttered. Kai sighed again and grabbing his own belt, moved around her to leave the room. She surprisingly let him, an innocent smile on her freckled face as she adjusted her outfit. Then her hand came up to cup his ass, just as he stepped through the door. He turned to watch her laugh, the door swinging closed between them.

Seriously? No way a guy around here would get away with that. Frowning at the door, Kai sucked it up and swung his belt on. On well, he’d dealt with harder things than a too frisky coworker. And his upcoming conversation with his boss just might be one of those things. Kai still wasn’t sure what he was going to say. It really didn’t matter, he supposed. The man was probably going to be odd towards him, regardless of what he said.

Deep in that thought as he walked down the hall to Mason’s office, where he was hoping he’d find him this early in the day, Kai didn’t notice Louis approaching him. He didn’t notice until the man bumped his shoulder. Kai startled and looked up at the scraggly faced man, his beard even thicker than when Kai had first met him.

“Hey, so…Kai.” Louis sniffed and looked up and down the hall, like he was about to tell him something so vastly important, that no one else could be around to hear it. Seeing that they were alone, he leaned into Kai’s side. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you…” He paused, dramatically, and then, “I’m going to ask out your ex, but I don’t want to break the guy-code, so I’m checking with you first.”

Kai blinked, not quite sure what he was talking about. Then it struck him and he smiled. “April? Really?” Kai glanced down at the adventurer-wannabe, the tranquilizer gun still taking up a permanent residence on his hip, and tried to see him and April on a date together.

Louis’s face was still serious as they walked down the quiet hall. “Yeah, and I know that’s sort of an off limits thing, dating a friend’s ex, especially since we’re pretty tight and all, so I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t infringing on another Alpha male’s territory.”

Kai smiled at the reference and looked away. He hadn’t realized that Louis thought so much of their relationship. It warmed him a little, then it kind of saddened him. He’d soon be leaving Indiana Junior behind. Louis took his silence for rumination, and continued in all seriousness with, “I don’t want to mess us up or anything. Guys have to stick together, and you mean more to be than a nice ass.”

Kai laughed softly and shook his head. Louis bunched his brows together and raised an eyebrow. “Does she have a nice ass?” he whispered, leaning into Kai.

Kai laughed harder and clapped him on the back. Thinking back over some of the jeans he’d seen April wear, he shook his head again. “Oh yeah.” Kai patted him again before dropping his hand. “I don’t care if you date her, Louis.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Truly, it doesn’t bother me.”

They slowed as they approached Mason’s office. Louis excitedly grabbed Kai’s shoulders and hopped up and down, like Kai had just told him that they were going to Disneyland. Kai hoped he could pull his enthusiasm back a notch or two for April. Although, she probably wouldn’t mind the attention. Putting his hands on the man’s shoulders to calm him down, he looked him squarely in the eye. “If she says yes…” Louis scoffed at that, like her saying no wasn’t even a true possibility. Kai bit back a smile at the man’s confidence. “If she says yes, take her to that nice place you mentioned, order that snail thing, and Louis…”

Louis raised his shoulders under Kai’s hands and shook his head. “What?”

Kai dropped his hands and smacked his shoulder. “She’s a friend of mine, treat her like a lady.”

Louis scoffed at him and straightened his stance, one hand going down to rest on the gun at his hip. “I am the epitome of a gentleman on a date, Kai.” He raised an eyebrow at him and leaned in. “Why do you think I’m so successful at the mating ritual?” Kai grinned as Louis patted his back and started walking away. “Don’t wish me luck, ‘cuz I won’t need it!” He called over his shoulder.

Standing in front of Mason’s door, Kai watched the odd man walk down the hall. Definitely an eclectic group of scientists they had here. Laughing at Louis scratching an itch in the shaggy head of hair that probably hadn’t seen a speck of shampoo in quite some time, Kai tossed out, “Oh, you might want to shower too!”

Not turning to look back at him, Louis raised a finger in the air. “The female species loves the scent of machismo, Harper. Remember that, the next time you snag a date with a hottie.” Twisting to finally look at Kai, he smirked as he paused at the corner of the hall. “Then maybe she won’t dump your sorry ass.” Winking, he added, “Hey, if you get lonely, you could always hook up with Missy again.”

Then he darted around the corner and disappeared. Kai laughed softly to himself. He’d actually miss Louis, and his odd, sometimes correct advice. Shaking his head, he thought of Louis and April together and wished the man luck regardless. Kai knew April, and whatever Louis may believe, with that girl, he was going to need all the luck he could get.

His momentary light hearted feelings falling back to the reality Kai was faced with this morning, he twisted back to Mason’s door. Once he opened it, he’d be starting the process of leaving Jessie. He was horrified and anxious to get that ball rolling. Closing his eyes and exhaling slowly, he knocked on the door.

Almost immediately, a worn voice replied with, “Enter.”

**********************

Mason was staring at the papers on his desk, not seeing a word on any page. He had journals of notes open, each bursting with fascinating, meticulously detailed facts and statistics on his most favorite winged subject. Some of the things he’d discovered could be vital in determining the reason behind the strange die off that was happening among hives worldwide. Somewhere in his mounds of research, could be the key to preserving this tiny, seemingly unimportant creature. But all of life was connected, and the decline of this one small species, could perhaps spell out the demise for us all. That was how important his life’s work was. But at the moment, as he stared through the mounds of data piled in front of him…none of it mattered.

None of it mattered, because of his son. A son that, less than a year ago, he hadn’t even been aware was his. A son who he could not deny parentage too…not after seeing those carbon-copy eyes. And as he’d grown close to Kai over the past few weeks, working long days with him as he played the role of eager assistant, ready and willing to do any task that Mason required of him, Mason had begun to develop a certain…fondness for the boy.

Being burdened by Nathan and Leilani with the task of informing the child that he was his biological father, Mason hadn’t been able to show much in the way of warmth to Kai, but he had definitely grown to look forward to the time they got to share together. At first, he had merely appreciated Kai’s eagerness to learn and respect for the work. Kai shared many of the same life views that Mason did, and while he still hadn’t felt comfortable enough to engage in long conversations with the young man, he’d overheard him talking to colleagues and was quite impressed.

If Kai were just a normal employee, he would be convincing the man to join with him in his important research. He would convince him to be his partner, perhaps publishing their findings together; he respected Kai’s intelligence and insight that much.

But Kai wasn’t just a talented employee. Kai was his illegitimate son, born out of a reckless affair that had permanently driven a wedge between three close friends and colleagues. Mason could scarcely look at Kai without being reminded of that fact. Just seeing his face brought back startlingly clear memories of the woman Mason had loved dearly for a time, possibly even still loved. And when Kai smiled, that ache was scoured open so harshly, that Mason almost always had to walk away from him.

Mason was sure that Kai didn’t understand his seeming coldness to him, and he just couldn’t tell him the real reason yet. How could he break the boy’s heart? How did he tell him, that the man he’d loved and respected all his life, was in no way related to him? For the millionth time, Mason wondered how Leilani could have asked this of him.

She’d had even called him a couple of times since Kai’s arrival. As always, just the sound of her voice had him agreeing to things that his rational mind would never normally agree to. She always stressed that Nathan was growing impatient, that he would tell Kai soon, if Mason didn’t. Mason always told her that it should be that way, that he should be hearing this hard news from the people he knew as family. But then Leilani would cry, telling him that she couldn’t do it…and that Nathan would not paint her in the best light if he did.

Mason sighed at hearing that. He knew that they still managed a cordial relationship in the work place, but outside of it was clearly a different story. They put on a friendly front for Kai, but Mason knew that Nathan had stopped loving Leilani the moment he’d found out Kai wasn’t his. That had been Nathan’s breaking point with her. Mason knew that…because Nathan had called him recently too.

He’d confirmed much of what Leilani feared, that he would be as straight with his son as he had to be, even if that meant bursting the vision Kai had of his mother. Nathan had told Mason that only he could really tell Kai about what had happened between Mason and Kai’s mother, so the revelation would be softer, coming from him.

From his tone, Mason had understood that Nathan was in no way trying to be malicious or spiteful, as Leilani had feared, he was just…Nathan. He believed in the truth and in speaking it as plainly as possible. It made him excellent in his career, but for matters of the heart, that could maybe use a bit more…finesse, it came out a little harshly. Nathan had ended that phone call in much the same way that Leilani had said he would. Mainly, telling Mason to do it soon…or he would. Surprising himself, Mason had asked for a few more weeks…until the end of the year.

But still, Mason balked. There was no course in how to tell someone you were their true parent. There was no lecture he could sit in on to learn the precise way to break the news. He had no idea how or when to bring it up with Kai. And he’d tried. He’d almost done it not too long ago, when Kai had seemed so tired and distracted that Mason had been positive he knew something. He’d subtly brought it up to Kai, sussing him out by asking him if he was happy working here. Kai had replied that he was, that his mood more reflected a personal matter, and that he’d do better to not let it interfere.

By the professional look in his inherited eyes when he’d said it, Mason was sure he didn’t suspect the truth about them. He wasn’t exactly sure what Kai’s personal problem was, but it hadn’t seemed to be about Mason. He’d almost asked more. He’d almost asked Kai to open up to him…like an actual father might. But then his unease about the whole situation had closed off his throat, and he’d quickly walked away.

He may be the boy’s father, but he wasn’t the boy’s dad. He couldn’t just start acting like he was.

Sighing at all the work that wasn’t getting done, thanks to the internal war in his stomach, he heard laughter outside his door. It was followed by muffled words, words that sounded like they’d come from Kai. A pause followed that and Mason stiffened, hoping that Kai would continue on his way, and not want to come into his office while Mason was busy brooding about the problem that was him. But luck was apparently not with Mason today, and a light knock had sounded a few seconds later.

He sighed again. Kai did want to speak with him. Preparing himself to see his son again, he wearily said, “Enter.”

Kai stepped into the room, softly closing the door behind him. Mason couldn’t help but note that the boy seemed different, resolved, yet somehow torn too. Mason steepled his fingers over his desk, wondering if this was the moment. Should Mason tell him? But just the thought… Kai would surely be angry and flee back to Hawaii. Mason would lose him, as an employee…and as a son. He’d probably never see him again.  It wasn’t that he loved the boy, he didn’t. Thanks to Leilani, Kai was practically a stranger to him, but he certainly respected him, respected his work ethic, his bright inquisitiveness, his enthusiasm for life. Mason was developing a warm spot for Kai and, surprisingly, he didn’t want that to end…just yet.

Not wanting to give away any of his twisting thoughts, he remained silent as he watched Kai approach him and nervously sit in a chair across from him.

A tension filled the room, filling Mason with dread. It was too late…he already knew. Mason was positive. He knew. Nathan must have caved, must have confessed everything to him. He couldn’t imagine what the young man was thinking, staring across at the person that he had never realized was his true father. It was probably much like the way that Mason looked upon him, although, it would be much more painful for Kai, due to his complete ignorance on the matter. At least with Mason the shock had been minimized, due to the fact that he’d always been aware of the possibility that he could be Kai’s father. He’d just never really thought he was.

Running his hands over his slacks, Kai cleared his throat. “Um…Mason, I need to talk to you about something…and it’s sort of hard…”

Mason sighed as he sat back in his chair. The sound came out with a bit of relief to it. And Mason supposed he was relieved. Kai did know. The tension that Mason had been carrying around for weeks could finally be dissipated. A surprising knot of sadness welled up in Mason, at the thought of not seeing his son anymore once he fled back home. The warmth he felt for him was stronger than he’d realized.

Confused that he actually felt so strongly on the matter, he shook his head. Irritation at Nathan cropped up, for putting them both in this situation, and, oddly enough, for being the one to tell Kai. Nathan hadn’t given him enough time. “He told you, didn’t he?” Mason shook his head at Kai, his voice incredulous. “I can’t believe he actually told you. After everything…I can’t believe he was so impatient, that he couldn’t give me just a few more weeks with you.”

His son’s entire demeanor changed. His brows bunched together and his mouth dropped open. Mason couldn’t tell if he was feeling angry or not. Surely he had to be, although, he nearly looked confused. “He? Sir?”

Mason sighed, running a hand back through his hair. “After all he did to get you out here with me, just so I could tell you…then he goes behind my back and tells you anyway.” Looking up at the ceiling, he smirked. “I really shouldn’t be surprised. That’s just like Nathan, he always was impatient.”

“Nathan?” Kai’s irritated voice brought Mason’s attention back to his son’s face. His brows were definitely scrunched in anger…although, the confusion was still there too. Mason really wasn’t sure what he had to be confused about at this point. Maybe he just couldn’t accept that nearly everyone he knew had spent a good chunk of his life lying to him. Mason could see why that would be confusing.

Kai shook his head. “My dad, Nathan? What are you talking about? What does my dad have to do…with anything? And what would he need you to tell me?”

All of the blood drained from Mason’s face. Oh…god. Did he misinterpret Kai’s reason for walking in here? Did he just make the one mistake that all scientists strive to never make? Had he just assumed a piece of knowledge without any proof to back it up? Had he just inadvertently clued Kai into the fact that a “job” was not the real reason he was here? Oh…no.

Shaking his head, Mason tried to redirect the conversation. “I’m sorry, what did you want to talk to me about, Kai?”

His son, no dummy, wasn’t deterred by such a flawed form of diversion. Like any well trained researcher, once he saw a nugget of what he wanted, he followed that path until he got an answer. It was one of the things Mason respected about him. Now, it was sort of a pain in his backside. “What does my dad have to tell me, that you’re supposed to tell me first?”

Mason sighed, his hand tiredly rubbing his eyes. He could try and convince Kai that it was nothing, that he was exhausted and talking gibberish, but he was certain the boy wouldn’t buy it. Plus…Mason needed this burden off his chest. He hoped Kai didn’t react by running away, but he couldn’t withhold the information in fear of the outcome. He hadn’t gotten as far as he had in life, by fearing outcomes.

Letting his hands fall to his lap, he said, in as professional a voice as he could muster, “Just over twenty three years ago, your mother and I were in love, and carried out an illicit affair behind Nathan’s back.” Kai’s eyes widened as he listened, his face shading to a lighter tan than usual. Tightening his stomach in preparation, Mason continued, “While we were together, Leilani became pregnant.” His hands splayed out to indicate Kai. “You are the result of our union,” he whispered.

Kai shot up out of his chair. He tilted his head at Mason, his eyes still wide with fear…or maybe denial. “What are you saying?”

Mason stood at his desk. Slowly walking around it, he said, in a much calmer voice than he ever believed he could, “I’m saying…that I am your biological father, Kai.”

Kai started shaking his head and backing up, away from Mason. Mason wanted to sigh, but he understood. It was a lot to spring on someone, unprepared. Maybe all three should have sat down together with him. Maybe a united front would have been easier…for Kai.

“No…you’re demented.” His finger came out to point at Mason; it was shaking. “Nathan Harper is my father!”

Mason took small steps towards him, palms beseeching. “Not by blood, Kai.” Kai backed up until he hit the door, still shaking his head. “I know this is hard to accept. I only recently found out myself. But it is true, Kai. Genetically, I am your father.”

Pressed flat against the door, like it was holding him up, Kai whispered, “No…there’s been some mistake…”

Mason smiled as he put a hand on Kai’s shoulder; he flinched away from Mason. “I thought so too, at first. But Nathan had you tested when you were younger.” Mason shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, Kai, but you’re not his, and to the best of my knowledge, that leaves only me.”

Kai opened his mouth to protest, then shut it. He shifted his gaze to stare at the floor. “When I was younger…” His eyes lifted back up to Mason, moisture in them. “Is that why they got divorced? He found out the truth?”

Mason paused, then nodded. “Yes, he couldn’t forgive her for what she…what we, did. But know that she loved you regardless, Kai. And…if it makes it any easier for you…you were conceived with a great depth of love, on both sides.” His other hand came up to rest on Kai’s shoulders and Kai closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the door.

Sympathy flooded Mason as he felt the young man shaking. For the first time ever, Mason wanted to embrace his son, show him the warmth that he’d felt building for awhile, warmth that he now recognized as a version, different, but similar, to what he’d felt for Leilani. Mason wasn’t sure when, but somewhere along the way, he had grown to love the son before him. His voice coming out thick with that emotion, he spoke his heart to his long lost child.

“I didn’t want to tell you this, Kai. Honestly, at first, I just didn’t want to be bothered with it.” Kai’s eyes flew open as he stared at Mason. Mason squeezed Kai’s shoulders. “I’ve spent the bulk of my life alone. I know nothing about kids.” He smiled warmly at Kai, feeling his own tears stinging him. His rational brain thought that was a curious reaction. His emotional brain was too busy connecting with his son to care. “But meeting you, working with you…I’ve grown to respect and admire you, and I’d be proud to call you son.” His voice broke after he squeezed that out.

Kai blinked, a tear almost escaping his eye when he did. “But you hate me,” he whispered.

Now Mason blinked. Taking a step back from Kai, he dropped his hands from his shoulders and ran them through his hair again. “Oh, no, I never hated you, Kai.” He shrugged. “You were just…thrust at me, and I didn’t know what to do with…the situation.” Looking down at the floor, he sighed. “I had a hard time dealing with what I knew I needed to do…” he peeked back up at Kai’s pale face, “but I never hated you. Ever. And I’m sorry if you ever felt that way.” Smiling he added, “You’re an incredible asset here…I hope you’ll stay.”

Kai seemed to ignore that as his head drifted back to hit the door lightly. “I don’t believe this…” His hands came up to run through his hair, much like Mason had done earlier. Then his head snapped down. “Did you see the test results?”

Mason blinked, then shook his head. “No…but, I don’t really need to.”

Kai narrowed his near perfectly matching eyes. “Why?”

Mason smiled wryly. He pointed at their shared feature. “Let’s just say that I see a lot of similarities.”

Kai’s brow pushed to a deep point. “Because of our eye color?” He shook his head. “That’s not good enough.” Stammering a bit, he looked around the room, almost like he was seeing through it. “I need proof. I need to see a test.”

Mason smiled and slowly shook his head. “Always the scientist…yet another way that we’re alike.”

Kai cast him an odd glance and Mason shrugged. “We have the machines here. I could test us now, Kai, if that would ease your mind.”

Kai started nodding as he moved away from the door. “Nothing right now is going to ease my mind.” He yanked open the door. “But it will end the doubt.” Without meeting Mason’s eyes, he stormed through the door.

Mason paused before following him. “Yes…yes it will, son. But are you ready for that?”

Chapter   21

I Need You

Jessie was exhausted. Driving home on her lunch break, she was glad her next appointment had cancelled and she didn’t have to go back for awhile. There was something about the ambiance in her work space – the soft flickering candlelight, the quiet soothing music – that made her eyes water near uncontrollably.  She already missed Kai. Just the thought of him making preparations to leave her, made her miss him. It also didn’t help anything that they were keeping their space…until the end.

Jessie couldn’t even bring herself to think about what would be their final moment together. She knew it was going to be horrible, one of those cheesy, godforsaken moments where the woman is a blubbering, uncontrollable mess while the man stoical leaves her, never to be seen again. It was a movie moment that always made Jessie groan, and know it was about to be her movie moment. And she was positive that she would be just as much of a wreck as the fictional woman.

Just driving down the road, her hands safely at ten and two, her vision hazed over with unshed tears. She couldn’t seem to make it an hour before the urge to cry started creeping up on her. Jessie swallowed repeatedly to clear her sight. She had to be stronger than this, or else she’d never make it through the next couple of weeks.

Of course, it didn’t help that she hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours since racing home to Kai. After their horrid goodbye, Jessie had numbly walked to the nearest café. Settling herself in a secluded corner, she’d laid her head on the table and silently cried.

They’d finally said I love you, and it was awful, wonderfully awful. Finally expressing their feelings only made the situation seem that much crueler. It probably would have been better for them both, if they’d just never said it. Because now she knew. She’d already been nearly certain, but now there was no denying it. He loved her, she loved him. But the chasm between them was an un-crossable one, one that he’d smoothly pointed out, even while professing his devotion.

I love you too…Jessica Marie.

Jessica Marie, the name that only family ever called her. He’d made it clear in that one sentence that while he loved her, ached for her, he wouldn’t be with her, anymore than she’d be with him. And now, he was leaving, and Jessie couldn’t sleep.

Jessie vaguely remembered a concerned elderly couple at the restaurant. Noticing her red eyes and distraught appearance, they’d given her a ride home. Jessie had thanked them, feeling empty but very gracious for their offer. She’d felt even more gracious to discover that her roommates were asleep when she got home. Jessie had spent the rest of the afternoon staring at her ceiling, her mind spinning.

Eventually a refreshed Harmony had popped in and asked her how things had gone with Kai. Amazingly enough, Jessie had been able to shrug…and completely lie. She hated herself, but she told Harmony that a good friend of Kai’s back home had been seriously injured. Harmony had been appropriately shocked at that. Jessie had hated to say it, but the story allowed her to be sad and melancholy around her roommates. The lie also gave Jessie a convincing segue for Kai returning home. She’d told her friends that he was making arrangement s to go back for awhile to be with his friend…and he wasn’t sure if he’d return. Harmony had hugged her after she’d told her and Jessie hadn’t been able to stop the tears.

Sighing at all the dramatics in her life lately, she glumly pulled onto her street. Jessie planned on spending her extended lunch break staring blankly at the TV, not even caring if it was on or not. She just needed the distraction of not thinking for awhile.

But pulling up to her house, all thoughts of doing anything immediately left her. Her heart started to race as she approached her driveway. Jessie couldn’t believe it. She vaguely considered the possibility that in her exhaustion, she’d fallen asleep at the wheel and was in actuality about to crash headfirst into a light post. That scenario seemed much more plausible to her than what she was looking at.

Parked in the empty driveway, where April usually had her Jetta, was Kai’s bright red Honda.

Jessie didn’t see him anywhere near the bike and zipped into her driveway while looking for him out of the corner of her eye. Why was he here? During the middle of the day? When they were supposed to be avoiding each other? Jessie had absolutely no answers for any of those questions.

Unbuckling herself as she shut her truck off, Jessie called out his name. Willing her heart to stop rattling against her ribcage, she glanced at the bike, then the front door, then the empty street. She did all of that in a rapid succession, wondering where he was and why he was here. She started walking towards the house, her breath making a cloud of fog in front of her face as she panted. “Kai?”

“Jessie…”

Her name being whispered brought her attention back to the front of the house.  Staring at the front door as she strode over to it, she still didn’t see him at first. But then he lifted his head.  He’d been sitting on the edge of the front step, farther away from the door and much lower to the ground than her franticly searching eyes had been looking. An overgrown bush was creeping towards the house there, and between the leaves and his low, stone-still position, Jessie’s anxious eyes had passed right over him.

As he looked up to her, her heart flew to her throat and she darted to his side. Pushing back some bushes, she knelt directly in front of him. He stared at her blankly. He was dressed in his work clothes, so he’d definitely gone in today, but for some reason he didn’t have a jacket on, and he was shivering near uncontrollably in the frigid December air.

Jessie rubbed her hands up and down the thin, long sleeved shirt he was wearing under his polo. Kai had started acclimating to the climate when he was indoors, but even Jessie would be freezing in the outfit he had on. “Kai…what are you doing out here?”

He still blankly stared at her, his jaw chattering as he shook. His lips were pale and his face was worn, like he’d just witnessed a horrible accident that he couldn’t get out of his mind. His jaw still trembling, he spoke, his eyes finally shifting to see her. “I’m s-s-s-sorry. I know…I’m not…supposed to be here.” His eyes looked over Jessie’s face, watering. Her heart hammered at the emotion in them. “I just didn’t…know where else…to go,” he stammered, so cold he could hardly speak.

She brought her relatively warmer hands to his face, cupping his cheeks; they felt like ice packs. Glancing at his body, she noticed his wet, dirty slacks. Peeking at his bike, she noted the lack of a helmet. Twisting back to him, she scooted closer, encouraging him to lean into her. He did, his entire body shaking as badly as his jaw was. Running her hands around his shoulders as he slipped his under her thick jacket, she said, “Where’s your coat…your helmet? Did you ride here like this?” Jessie pulled back to look at him. “What’s wrong, Kai?”

His eyes searched her face. “Everything…is a lie.”

Not understanding, Jessie shook her head. Sighing, she tucked her arms under his shoulders and attempted to get him to stand up. “Come on, let’s get you inside, you’re frozen.” He awkwardly stood and Jessie supported him while she opened the door. They stumbled through together, Kai still looking too dazed to do anything very well. Jessie bit her lip, compassion and apprehension running through her. Something had happed to him. He was obviously in shock.

Feeling the warmth of the house on her chilly cheeks, she ushered Kai to the couch. With both of her roommates gone to work, the home was quiet, filled only with the sound of Kai’s teeth chattering and Jessie wrapping some blankets around  him. Once he was draped in fleece, she sat beside him, rubbing his hands to get the blood flowing again. He sniffed at the change of temperature, but after long, silent moments, his shaking eased, and then eventually stopped.

When he seemed calmer, staring at Jessie’s hands running over his, he started speaking. “It was a match…it really was a match.” His brows bunched together as he said it, like he couldn’t believe it. “He was telling the truth.”

Jessie didn’t know what he was talking about and cupped his cheek, swinging his vision to her. “What was a match?” she asked softly, not wanting to send him into another bout of panic, since he seemed calmer. Immensely bothered by…whatever truth he’d learned, but still, calmer.

Kai shook his head, his mouth matching the disbelief in his eyes. “He’s my father. I’m his son…”

Jessie scrunched her eyebrows as she frowned. His father? He must have talked to Uncle Nate today. Jessie couldn’t imagine what Kai’s father had said to make him react like this. Unless…Kai had told him about going home, and somehow his father had correctly guessed why? Maybe Jessie’s uncle had pieced together what had happened between the cousins. She dropped her hand from Kai’s still cold skin. “Kai…does Uncle Nate know?”

Kai’s eyes widened as he turned to stare straight in front of him. “Yes…he’s known for so long now…how could he lie to me? And mom…she had to know, or suspect, from the very beginning. Why didn’t she tell me…?” His voice trailed off as his eyes watered even more.

Confused, Jessie put a hand on his back, rubbing a circle into the blanket surrounding him. Jessie felt the sadness, confusion, and revulsion bubbling up within her. So that was it. She didn’t quite understand all of what he’d said, but ultimately, he’d said yes, they knew. His family knew their horrid secret. It wouldn’t be long now before even more family members knew…maybe even Jessie’s parents. Her eyes watered as she considered it. What would her parents do? What would Kai’s parents do? What did they do now?

Sighing, Jessie rested her head on his shoulder. “What happens now, Kai?” she whispered, not even wanting to think about it.

Kai shook his head and she peeked up at him. His lips were still tinged with an icy blueness of cold, and he stared in front of him with a dazed look, like his world had just been turned upside down. While Jessie was sad and upset, she was puzzled over the severity of his reaction. And his odd comments. Many of them just didn’t make any sense. Like, ‘it was a match.’ Jessie still had no clue what that meant.

Answering her, his voice came out hollow. “I don’t know…what do I say to them? What do I say to my…him?”

Lifting her head, Jessie scrunched her brow. She was obviously missing some vital piece of this conversation. Maybe…maybe this had nothing to do with their secret. Sweeping tiny slices of hair off his forehead, she whispered, “I think I’m confused. What are you talking about, Kai?”

He looked over at her then, suddenly seeming to realize that she was still there. He bit his lip, then freed his arms so he could engulf her in a chilly hug. She held him back as he squeezed her so tight her breath was shortened. “I’m sorry I’m here. I just needed to get out of there, and I didn’t know where else to go. I thought of driving to your work when I realized you weren’t here, but once I sat down, I couldn’t make myself move again.”

Kai pulled back to look at her and Jessie took a deep, steadying breath. Shaking his head, seeming more himself than he had been since she’d found him, he quietly said, “I’m sorry, but I need you.”

Jessie’s arms tightened around him, drawing him back into her. Concern overriding her curiosity, she nodded. “Of course. I’m here for you if you need me, Kai, no matter what else is going on.” Relaxing in her arms, he nodded into her shoulder. “Can you tell me what happened?” she said after a minute.

He sighed and pulled back to look at her. Swallowing, he closed his tropical eyes for a second. Opening them slowly, he quietly said, “I just found out…that Nathan Harper…isn’t my father.”

That was about the last thing in the world that Jessie had expected to hear him say. Her mind could barely comprehend the words he’d just spoken. It made no sense. Of course Uncle Nate was his father. Who else would be? Was he…adopted or something? “What?” she asked softly, cupping his distraught face.

Kai blinked and shook his head, reaching up to grab her hand. “I’m not his son…and he knew that. All this time…since I was a boy…he’s known that I wasn’t really his.” Leaning back against the couch, he huddled himself in the blankets. Jessie sat back with him, running her arm around his shoulders as she comforted him. He looked over at her, his eyes looking older than she’d ever seen.

“What do you mean, Kai? Of course he’s your dad…right?” Jessie still couldn’t quite wrap her head around it.

As Kai scrunched up his brows, it seemed that he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it either. “No. I saw the test…we can’t be a match.” Exhaling slowly, he ran a hand down his face. “He can’t be my father…because someone else is. I matched with him…all the markers were there. There’s no denying the genetics.”

Jessie rubbed his low back, only understanding that Kai had seen proof, proof that he wasn’t Uncle Nate’s child. Curiosity drove her to ask, “Who was a match, Kai? Who are you talking about?”

Kai sighed and laid his head back on the couch. “Mason Thomas is my father.” He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

Jessie stopped rubbing him. Mason? Tilting her head she asked, “Your boss, Mason?”

Kai opened his eyes and twisted his head to look at her. Wearily, he nodded. Shrugging, he said, “I went into his office to give him my notice…and he told me that he’d had an affair with my mother, and I was the end result.” He shook his head, his eyes searching Jessie’s face. “I didn’t believe him. I made him prove it…” Kai sighed, his head dropping. “He did. He compared our DNA. You can’t fight the science…”

“Oh…Kai.” She leaned in to wrap her arms around his blanketed body. Jessie couldn’t imagine finding out that your entire childhood was a lie. She couldn’t imagine someone telling her that her father was genetically a stranger. Kai sniffed as she held him. “I’m so sorry, Kai. That’s…that’s awful.” Pulling back, she stoked his cheek, his eyes moist as he watched her.

“The worst part…the absolute worst part…they all knew.” He shrugged. “My parents have known since I was young. My mom, in some way, since I was born. And they all lied to me.” He shook his head, anger in his eyes as he looked away. “They all let me believe…”

Jessie brought his gaze back to her, calmly rubbing her thumb against him. “You were a child, Kai. They probably didn’t want to…upset you like that at such a young age.”

Kai dropped his head. “It doesn’t feel any easier now…” He looked back up at her. “And they sent me to…to…my real father, so he could tell me.” He shook his head, a tear finally dropping to his cheek, around her fingers. “They still couldn’t even tell me.” Bringing his hand out from under the blankets, he pointed across the room to the mountain range he’d left behind this morning. “They sent me to a stranger, and let him tell me.” He dropped his hand, defeated. “Why would they do that?”

Jessie dried his cheek and pulled him into a hug. “I don’t know, Kai. It couldn’t have been an easy decision for them. It’s probably been tearing them up, waiting to hear if you…knew.”

Kai pulled back from her suddenly, his eyes wide. “That’s why.” His eyes shifted over her shoulder as his mind made some connection. “That’s why my mom always asks about work, about if I like my boss. She’s been waiting to hear if he…” Kai sighed and closed his eyes. “And my dad…no wonder he’s been so distant lately. They were both waiting for me to…suddenly hate them or something.”

Opening his eyes, he shook his head. “They’re entire reason for arranging for me to be out here was duplicitous. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

Jessie sighed, her fingers running down his shoulder to grab his hand; it was finally warm. “Angry. Hurt. Confused.” She shook her head. “Whatever you’re feeling right now is just what you should be feeling, and it’s okay to feel it.” Kai tilted his head at her and nodded.  Jessie sighed and stared at their hands laced together. “Do you think…Grams…knows?”

She peeked up at him when she heard him sigh. “Yeah…I think she does.” He shook his head, sighing again as he looked away. “She stopped coming around when my parents divorced. I didn’t think much about it until I was older, and even then, I figured she just didn’t like someone hurting her son…” Looking down, he shrugged. “But that wasn’t entirely it. She hates my mom…because she knows about the affair…she knows about me.”

Jessie shook her head, lowering it to look up into his face. “You can’t know that. Divorces happen for all sorts of reasons, Kai. She didn’t necessarily know, your dad didn’t necessarily tell her.”

Kai looked over at her, his face blank. “She asks if I’m happy at work almost every time I see her. Why would she do that…if she wasn’t waiting for me to be suddenly…unhappy?”

Jessie looked away, thinking. He was right. Grams always seemed like she was waiting for Kai to have a breakdown. In fact, she was always telling Jessie that she needed to stay close to Kai, that he needed them. Jessie had just assumed that she meant ‘in the grand scheme of life, they needed each other,’ but she didn’t. She’d specifically meant that once Kai found out the truth, he would need their support.

Jessie closed her eyes, compassion flooding through her for Kai. Everyone he was closest to had kept this from him. She slowly nodded. “You’re right…she knows, she’s always known.”

Jessie opened her eyes to find Kai staring at her, his face worn, exhausted and heartbroken. She hated seeing that look on his face and cupped his cheek again with her free hand. Closing his eyes, he leaned into it.”I’m so glad I have you, Jessie,” he whispered as he opened his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Jessie nodded, her eyes starting to brim. Then she pulled him back in for another hug. Kai sighed and held her tight, burying his head in her shoulder. She rocked him, warmed him, and comforted him as best she could. Jessie wasn’t really sure how to help him through this. How do you help someone who just found out that the family they’d thought was theirs their entire life…wasn’t?

Jessie stopped rocking side to side with him as that realization struck her through her very core. He…wasn’t family. Not to Jessie. To Jessie, he was as much a stranger, genetically, as Jeremy had been. She stiffened rod straight in his arms as what that meant for them seeped into her.

Confused by the rigidness in her, Kai pulled back to stare at her. She knew her eyes were wide as his searched hers. “Jessie?” he whispered.

Jessie didn’t know exactly what to feel. She’d wanted him for so long, but he’d always been out of reach. A taboo. Someone that society had told her never to touch. And now…while it would seem to most that they were still cousins, they both knew that they actually weren’t. That changed a lot. That changed…everything.

“We’re not related, Kai,” she whispered, her voice sounding as dazed as his had earlier.

He scrunched his face and then his mouth fell open. Kai had been preoccupied with trying to absorb the reality of his parentage, he probably hadn’t had a chance yet to contemplate what his lineage meant…for them. His hand came up to cup her cheek, his eyes searching over her face. “We’re…not related,” he repeated.

They both stared at each silently, processing. Jessie’s heart started to race as he stroked her cheek. His eyes flashed over her face before settling on hers. His breath picked up a trace as they watched each other. It had been so wrong for so long that it was a little hard to move past that.

But…they did.

At the same time that Kai leaned his face to hers, she leaned over to him. They met in the middle, exhaling with relief as they finally felt each other without that sting of guilt and revulsion.

They kissed softly, letting just their lips explore the other. It was simple and honest and pure, and it nearly bursted Jessie’s heart open. She’d wanted this for so long…and it was finally okay to have it.

Kai strung his fingers through her hair, not deepening the kiss in anyway, just savoring the curled strands that he’d once mentioned he loved. They sat on the couch side-by-side and moved their mouths together as innocently and sweetly as if it was their first kiss…with anyone. Jessie reveled in his soft lips, the way his hand brushing through her hair would sometimes run down her cheek. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been with a boy and just enjoyed the simple act of kissing.

But they weren’t exactly teenagers anymore, and they’d been denying themselves this moment for a really long time now. After a long eternity of sweetly feeling each other, Jessie pressed harder against his lips and finally flicked her tongue along the tip of his. Kai’s chest rumbled with some sort of approval and he tilted his mouth against her, caressing his tongue against the length of hers.

Jessie’s hands ran up his chest, running up to his hair to lock in the dark thickness as their mouths moved with more urgency, more passion. He ignited her with every twist of his lip, exhale of breath, and touch of his tongue. She wanted to expand on this feeling blossoming in her body. She wanted to feel what it would be like to connect with him intimately, without that association of familial horror that they’d been fighting through. Now that he was essentially a stranger again, in the genetic sense, she wanted to express how much she loved him. She wanted to give him every part of her.

As her hands tightened in his hair, as his hands gently rested on her neck, his thumbs stroking her jaw, as their mouths moved in perfect synch, exploring, tasting, indulging, Jessie decided to be the forward one. She decided to ask for what she wanted, now that she could with a clear conscience.

She broke away from his searching mouth, pulling back to gaze at him intently. Those beautiful ocean eyes, eyes that had captivated her from the very first glance, stared straight back at her, unafraid, unregretful, and with a clear desire starting to burn in them. Jessie swallowed, absorbing the passion awaiting her, then she breathily said his name. “Kai?”

He swallowed, kissing her softly before pulling back to stare at her again. “Yes, Jessie?

She smiled briefly, wondering if his thoughts were in line with hers. “Will you do something for me?”

Kai smiled too, shaking his head as he leaned in for a long, deep kiss. Pulling back enough to speak, he breathed, “Anything.” His breath tickled her skin, but that one single word ignited her.

Biting her lip, she pushed him back enough so that they could stare at each other again. Jessie wanted him to see her face when she said what was in her heart, what she wanted more than anything, what, if she were honest with herself, she’d always wanted. Her gaze drifted between his eyes while he waited for her to speak, a soft smile on his lips. When she finally did, a similar smile was on hers.

“Make love to me?”

**********************

Make love to me.

The words echoed in Kai’s head as he stared into the beautiful brown depths of Jessie’s eyes. In moments of weakness, moments of loneliness, he’d fantasized about hearing her say that to him. But he never, ever thought it would ever happen. There was too much in their way, too many barriers that even the immense love between them couldn’t break through. And then today, possibly the worst day of his life, they’d been broken down for them.

So much had been running through his head today, most of it horrible and painful, that the one bright spot in all of this hadn’t immediately shown itself to him. It had taken Jessie’s sudden realization of it for that to happen. By losing what he’d thought was his genetic father, he’d also lost his genetic tie to Jessie. Now they were nothing more than…step-cousins. And not even that, since his parents were no longer married. They were ex step-cousins. He could live with that.

Kai could scarcely believe that the woman he’d wanted for months, the woman that he’d, quite possibly, been waiting his entire life for, he could finally have…freely, with no guilt, no disgust. The joy in his heart made all of the ache that had filled it earlier momentarily evaporate. The pain of betrayal was still there, but he pushed it deep down. He’d have time to let that pain wash over him, but, for right now, he wanted to feel something…incredible, something life altering. Kai wanted to show her how much he loved her, how deeply entrenched in his heart she was.

Kai cupped her cheeks as she waited for his response. He opened his mouth but a knot of emotion cut off his throat. Swallowing, he tried again. “I’d make love to you every day, if you’d have me.”

Jessie smiled widely between his palms, her eyes watering. “I’ll have you,” she whispered, laughing softly on the end. The warmth in that soft laugh echoed throughout every part of him, and he finally felt the rest of the residual chill leave his body. He finally felt warm again.

Kai’s mouth returned to Jessie’s, hating to be apart from her, while his hands unwrapped the blanket from around his body; he no longer needed it. Their lips never parting, he stood, his arms around her waist encouraging her to stand with him. Walking her backwards, he headed to the hall, to her bedroom. Heated memories of them together awaited him in there, but he now welcomed them.

Jessie’s arms slunk around his neck as she shuffled forward, following his steps. It was difficult to walk backwards, especially in a house that he didn’t have memorized, especially with a gorgeous woman sliding her tongue along the roof of his mouth. Kai couldn’t help but close his eyes and groan. He also smacked right into an end table. Laughing huskily as they broke apart, Kai involuntarily sat down on the edge of the table. Jessie took the opportunity to straddle his thighs and press her full chest into his face.

Grinning at her crookedly, he leaned down to kiss a soft mound through her jacket, never stopping eye contact with her. She bit her lip then ripped off her jacket. Kai smiled fully, then stopped. Not satisfied with just her jacket off, Jessie stripped off the tight sweater she was wearing too. Desire shot right through Kai as he stared at the bounty displayed for him in…dear god…black lace. He hardened instantly as she dug her hands through his hair and forced his lips down to that soft skin. Damn, he loved it when she was aggressive.

Cupping her backside as he tasted the sweet flavor of her flesh, he pulled her into him. She groaned when her hips pressed against his readiness. He loved that he couldn’t hide how much he wanted her. He loved that she knew just how much he ached for her. And he really loved the moan in his ear when she lowered her hips to his and stroked against his erection. Kai could feel his body throb and had to remind himself to be patient. Taking her on the end table in the living room was probably not her idea of ‘making love.’ Although, with the way she rubbed against him, he started to wonder if the location really mattered much to her at this point.

Grunting, he made himself stand up with her. No, Kai wanted to do something that he’d wanted to do for awhile. He wanted to take his time.

Placing her on the ground, Kai resumed walking and kissing, only this time she was backwards. Jessie had a lot less trouble traversing her own home blind and didn’t bump into anything. As his hands ran through her hair, along her face, down her neck, hers started unfastening her jeans. By the time they were halfway down the hall, she’d shimmied them down her hips and was kicking her shoes off in-between steps. By the time they made it to her bedroom, she’d freed herself of the denim, and all she was left wearing…was black lace.

Kai stopped once they were both inside the door, pulling away from her to admire the beautiful woman before him. He smiled as she stepped forward and closed the door. With just their breaths filling up the space in the quiet room, they reunited.

Kai’s hands slid over the bare areas of her body, highlighted in that wondrous lace. Jessie’s fingers slid under the layers of his shirts, yanking them up. Kai helped her, stretching the multiple pieces of fabric over his head. Her eyes widened at the sight of him bare-chested, her fingers trailing up his skin. Every time a nail grazed him, it sent electricity through him. Her lips attached to his chest and he closed his eyes as her tongue swirled around his nipple.

Breathing heavier, Kai shucked off his shoes, then worked on the button of his pants. He was having trouble concentrating, especially when Jessie playfully nipped him. He groaned, and eventually felt her fingers join his at his waistband, helping him…always helping him.

She helped him push down his slacks and Kai kicked them away. Jessie automatically slipped her fingers into his boxer-briefs and gently pulled them off. Sinking to her knees, she lifted each foot in turn, removing the last piece of Kai’s clothing. Still on her knees, she gazed up at him and then up at his face. Kai held his breath at the look in her eye. He’d never had anyone look at him like that before. There was so much love, adoration, and friendship there, that it warmed his spirit. But underneath that, smoldering in her eyes and behind her smile, was a passion that ignited his body. He felt on fire. He needed her.

Bending down to her, he gently pulled her back up his body. Her fingers ran up his chest. Their lips melding, Kai’s hands made short work of the scant scraps of clothing still left on her. Once her body was as free from constraints as his was, she pulled his neck, leading him to her bed.

Jessie sat down on the edge, once she backed into it, then seductively crawled into the middle and laid back, waiting for him. Kai smiled down at her, loving how free and comfortable they were together. There was nothing that he couldn’t imagine telling her. There was nothing that he couldn’t imagine doing with her. And now that he was allowed to think the thoughts that he’d held back for so long, he found that there were quite a few things he’d like to try with her.

But there would be time for that. If it were up to him, there would be a lifetime of exploring each other, learning the different ways to touch each other. They had endless nights to be together now. He hoped so, anyway.

Running his hands up her thighs, her body squirmed slightly. He kissed her knee. “I love your legs.” He smiled wider. “I really love when you wear those boots that go all the way up them.”

Laughing huskily, she tilted her head as she smiled down at him. Kai ran his fingers along the outside of her hips. Pausing to place a kiss along the edge of her hip bone, he muttered, “I love how you sway your hips when you walk, when you’re feeling sexy.” Peeking up at her, he gave her a crooked grin as her mouth dropped open at his words. “You should always feel sexy.”

Noting her breath faster, he ran his hands over the curves of her hips, his mouth over the softness of her belly. His own body was screaming at him to plunge deep inside of her already, but he wasn’t listening yet. He’d wanted her for too long, he wanted this to last. He ran his tongue up her stomach to her belly button, dipping inside for a quick second. “I love when your shirt lifts just enough for me to see this. I love seeing your skin, it drives me crazy.”

She shifted her body under him, her hands reaching down for his shoulders, trying to pull him up to her. “Oh god, Kai, you’re driving me crazy.”

He laughed huskily, resisting her impatience. He could be patient enough for the both of them…for now.  Keeping his lower body away from her, his fingers grazed over her ribs. She sucked in a breath, laughing lightly where he tickled her. Smiling, he kissed one rib and then another, working his way up each one. Her breath was heavier the farther up her chest he traveled, and her fingers abandoned his shoulder to tighten in his hair. Kai exhaled at the chill that gave him.

“I love the heart hiding under here.” He kissed the underside of her breast. “I love how you care about people.” He ran his tongue between her full breasts. “I love the way you care about me.” He kissed above her breast, over her heart, her wonderful heart that he loved and adored, and wanted near him, always.

Jessie squirmed, moaning lightly at the seductive way he was teasing her. Raising her hips to find him, she pulled down on his hair, trying to alter the position of his mouth. “Kai…please…”

Smiling, he closed his mouth over her nipple. He kept his eyes open, watching her as she arched and dropped her head back. She sucked in a breath through her teeth, groaning as one of her hands ran down to his hip, tugging in vain to get him to connect with her. Not caving just yet, his propped knee between her legs keeping him just out of reach, he let go of her nipple and traveled the length of her exposed neck.

Once his tongue reached her jaw, he laid a soft kiss there. “I love the sound of your voice. Even over the phone, you affect me.” He ran his mouth over to her ear, grazing his lips along her skin. She shivered, and he knew she wasn’t cold. Into her ear, he breathed, “I dream about hearing you climax. Nothing…compares to that sound. Just thinking about it…makes me hard.”

Jessie whimpered, squirming underneath him, her hips struggling to meet up with him. “Kai, quit teasing…touch me.” Kai sucked on her ear lobe for a moment, letting her words travel right down his throbbing body. He imagined how wet she must be. Just the thought of her being that turned on for him, her wanting him that much, almost made him lose it. Pulling back his focus, he quickly found her mouth.

He let the desire and passion he’d been stoking consume him. Their kisses frantic and needy, he felt himself getting lost in her. “Jessie…” Stopping them, he looked down on her, needing just one more second to say what he’d most wanted to say. She lightly panted in his face, her eyes searching his. “I love you…so much.”

She paused, her dark eyes overflowing with emotion. “I love you too, Kai.”

With those words, he lowered his entire body to hers. She gasped in his mouth when his erection slid against her. He groaned when her desire coated him. They were both so ready to be together, guilt and remorse free…finally. Her legs wrapped around him as her hips rocked him into place. As he felt the tip of himself press against her entrance, he heard her groan, “I want you buried in me, I want to be consumed by you.”

His words echoed back to him, by her, had to be one of the most erotic things a girl had ever said to him. “God, that’s hot, Jessie.” He barely got the breathy words out of his body before he could no longer control the instinct to be inside of her. Adjusting his position, he pushed into her warm, wet body, as far as he could go.

Dropping his head to her neck, Kai paused to pant a moment into her skin. She felt so good wrapped around him; it was like finally coming home. Jessie moaned in his ear, her legs clenching him tight, her hands on his hips holding him still, holding them together. “Kai…you feel…you’re…so perfect.”

He lifted up to look at her face, her eyes closed in bliss as she just enjoyed the sensation of him filling her. Kai started to throb with the need to move and slowly rocked his hips back. Dropping her mouth open, she exhaled in a quick pant. Kai groaned at the erotic look on her face, the electricity shooting up his body deep inside her. Biting his lip, he almost pulled out of her before he plunged in again. The cry she let out was pure ecstasy, and Kai reveled in the fact that he made her feel that.

Kai maintained long, smooth strokes, nearly pulling out before plunging back. He felt it along the entire length of himself. It was exquisite bliss. Jessie apparently felt the same; her groans and pleas for more nearly brought him to the brink. He fought through it, wanting to give her the most pleasure he could, wanting to savor the moment for as long as he could.

Moaning in his ear, Jessie’s hand came up to clench his tattooed shoulder blade. Her fingers lightly grazed the skin and Kai let a satisfied noise escape his throat. She intensified her nails in his flesh, but seemed to be careful to not break the skin, to not damage the ink. Hissing in a quick breath, he grasped her hip, his head dropping to rest on her neck again.

Jessie’s legs wrapped around him even tighter, pulling him even deeper inside of her. Kai’s lips found the heat of her skin, the slight taste of sweat on his tongue. Her hips lifted to meet his, in perfect unison as he pushed down to meet hers. Their pace naturally started to increase as they both felt their glorious releases building. Pure pleasure ran all the way up Kai’s body, making his legs shake a bit.

Panting and groaning underneath him, Jessie’s head dropped back as she grabbed a fistful of his hair. Kai hissed in a breath again and huskily muttered her name. His lips made their way along her jaw, her head and back arching with every centimeter he got closer. When he found her lips, she moaned and drove her tongue inside of him.

The need surging through his body thrusting deep inside of her, faster and faster, built to a point that made him cringe and start to close his eyes. He was close. He hoped she was close too. He wasn’t sure if he could hold out much longer.

Then he heard her bite back a cry and he opened his eyes to look at her. She was squirming, her face torn between ecstasy and frustration. She almost seemed like she was willing herself to not come. The thought drove Kai right to the brink. Was she really holding off, so they could release together?

Lifting himself so he could stare down at her, he groaned and murmured her name. She opened her eyes, her mouth dropping open in a pant. His hand cupped her cheek, his movements slowing as he took in the look of barely controlled passion on her face. Biting his lip, he whispered, “Don’t hold back…let go.”

Gasping, her hand ran down his chest to his hip. She squirmed as he slowed even more. “Let go…” The ache of restraint nearly killing him, his voice strained, he added, “I’m right there with you, Jessie, let go…”

Then his hand dropped to clutch her hip and he thrusted harshly into her. “Oh, god…Kai…” was all she got out before she started verbally letting him know that she was indeed letting go.

Kai dropped his chest to hers. Driving into her with abandon, his body stiffened, the tension building in his stomach until he couldn’t speak anymore, only groan. Jessie let out a long, satisfying cry, her walls tightening around the length of him, her arms running up his back and clutching him tight to her. The ecstasy in her voice rang through his head, barreling him over the edge.

His stomach clenched, his body jerked, and he felt the tension build to an apex. Knowing that she liked hearing it, he sucked in a quick breath, and just as he started releasing into her, he groaned into her ear that he was coming. Her body tightened harder around him as the warmth rushed from him, into her. As he moaned with the perfectly intense burst of rapture exploding in and out of him, he felt her grab his face, making him look at her.  They locked gazes, the sounds of their mutual satisfaction filling the quiet room as they watched each other experience a moment that neither one of them thought they’d ever get to have together again.

Chapter   22

Happiness

Jessie sighed contently as Kai slid over to her side. He wrapped his arms and legs around her like he never wanted to let her go. As her body tingled with the aftereffects of outstanding sex, Jessie thought she’d never felt so completely satisfied in all her life. Her hands ran around his back, pulling him even closer and he exhaled softly as he buried his head in her neck. Making some sort of content grumbling noise deep in his chest, Jessie thought he was probably equally satisfied. She smiled and kissed his head, listening to her wildly beating heart.

Nestling his head into her skin, she heard him tenderly say, “We just made love.”

Laughing softly, she pulled her head back to look at him. Kai adjusted his body to look at her. His face matched the peace that Jessie felt in hers. Their noses brushing together as their heads rested side-by-side on the pillow, she smiled warmly. “I know.”

His grin was a wide one as he brought a finger up to brush away a curl resting over Jessie’s cheek. “And I don’t feel ill.” He shook his head.

Jessie laughed again, relief and happiness flooding through her. Clutching his back, she brought her lips to his briefly. “Me either.”

Kai tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow at her as their lips separated. “And you’re not running away.”

Jessie giggled, thinking of the times before this that they’d had sex. She’d rushed out to meet up with Harmony after the first time, and she’d rushed out to be alone after the second time. She had sort of run away from him after both instances, just for completely different reasons. Kissing him a few times as they snuggled close together, she vowed to never run away from him again. “Hmmm…” she murmured into the warmth of his lips, “is this what I was missing?”

Kai rumbled a laugh in his chest. “I can be quite cuddly, if you give me a chance.”

She sighed as they languidly kissed. The euphoria of lovemaking started mixing with the heavy emotion of the past few days, making her head long for slumber. As she felt her eyes closing, Kai’s hand came up to stroke her hip. Between their lips, he whispered, “A part of me is inside of you again.”

Grinning against his mouth, she brushed her lips against his. “I know.”

He kissed her jaw, then her cheek. “And you’re sure that doesn’t bother you, even a little?”

Jessie pulled back to take in his face. He didn’t seem bothered by the idea, only curious over how she felt about the matter. She shook her head, the backs of her fingers coming up to brush over his cheek. “No, not at all. You’re not family, not by blood anyway, and I’m…completely okay with this.” She flushed slightly. “And you still being with me…it’s almost like…like you shared your…essence with me. It makes me feel closer to you.”

Kai grinned and Jessie groaned, bringing her hand to cover her face. “God, I sound like a lovesick idiot, don’t I?”

His hand removed the fingers covering her eyes. “No…you sound…” he laughed huskily, “just like me actually.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I was just thinking almost the same thing.” He shrugged. “Just…that I feel closer to you.”

Fighting back a tired yawn, Jessie smiled, and continued softly kissing him. “Well, I sort of love that a piece of you is inside of me.” She laughed huskily and added, “I could use all of you inside of me.”

Kai rumbled an approval and shifted his body to lean over the top of hers. Their gentle kissing switched to a deep passionate one and Jessie felt parts of her body start to reawaken. Amazing that he could do that; no other guy she’d been with had ever been able to arouse her so soon after a session. Jessie considered briefly that he may be the kind of guy that she could make love to all day. She’d heard women talk of doing that, but had never encountered any guy that she would actually want to do that with…until now.

His hands ran down her sides as their breaths picked up pace. “Alright…just give me a minute or two,” he muttered into her lips, in answer to her statement.

She laughed huskily at this playful side of him and he laughed with her, locking gazes. Sighing, she ran a hand down his cheek. “I’m so happy right now,” she whispered.

Kai smiled wider before his beautiful face turned serious. “I am too. I didn’t think it was possible…to feel this happy.”

Jessie frowned as she stroked his cheek. “Are you?”

Sliding over to her side again, he frowned at her reaction. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” He smiled softly as his hand stroked her ribs.

Jessie sighed and shook her head. “I know things between us are…better,” they both grinned crookedly, “but…I didn’t just find out that the man who raised me wasn’t my real father. I didn’t just find out that my entire childhood was a lie.” She cupped his cheek. “Are you okay, Kai?”

Sighing, he looked down. “I don’t know. I just…can’t think about it yet.” He glanced back up at her, a love beyond expression in his tropical eyes. “One life changing event at a time.”

Jessie grinned and ran her arms around his body. “Life changing?”

He grinned and ran his arms around her, pulling them tight in their side-by-side position. “You change everything for me, Jessie. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Jessie sighed contently, then accidentally let that yawn out. Kai smiled then yawned himself. Jessie ran a thumb under the weariness she could see under his eyes. “You’re tired,” she whispered.

He nodded. “It’s been a long day…a long week…a long autumn.” He shrugged.

Jessie nodded, kissing him softly. Yes, it definitely had been. Closing her eyes, she murmured something about needing to call her work. Kai handed her a phone from her nightstand and then adjusted the bedspread to cover their naked bodies. Jessie yawned as she dialed, sinking back down into his warm skin covered now by a warm quilt. The combination was a natural sedative and she could barely keep her eyes open. Upon hearing the receptionist pick up, Jessie sleepily started to lie her ass off. Letting all of the tiredness she felt seeping into her body seep into her voice, she told the woman on the other end that she’d thrown up after lunch and was staying home. The receptionist heartily agreed with her decision, obviously not wanting to get sick herself.

As she hung up the phone, Kai laughed sleepily. Burying himself even more into her body, he muttered, “Such a liar.”

Now finding herself free for the afternoon, the exhaustion that she’d been fighting completely took her over. Ducking her arms in-between them to rest on his chest, she sighed contently as Kai’s warm body enveloped her. “I couldn’t really tell her the truth now, could I?”

He let out a tired laugh then kissed her head and exhaled in a long, happy way. As a peaceful silence filled her bedroom, Jessie felt her head swim in and out of sleep. Hearing Kai’s breath start to slow down, she wondered if he was already there. Then his low voice broke the quiet. “Can I stay?”

Jessie wasn’t sure if he meant here in her bedroom, or here in Denver. Regardless, her answer was the same. Sleepily kissing the edge of his tattoo, she muttered, “I think the better question is, can you ever leave?”

Kai squeezed her and sighed. “I can handle that. I love you.”

She mumbled something that resembled I love you too, and then sleep swept over her.

Jessie could have slept all day, she was so tired and content in Kai’s arms. In fact, it was quite possible that she was sleeping all day. She didn’t care; her dreams were all of Kai, of what their life could be, now that it didn’t disgust her to love him.

She was deep in a dream of watching him emerge from the ocean - the waves pounding behind him, the water dripping from his dark hair, a seductive smile on his face as he ran his fingers through it, the low slung board shorts clinging to the glorious shape of him, outlining what was only hers now…

“Hey, Jess, you can’t bitch about us leaving stuff everywhere and then…oh, hey…sorry, I didn’t know you had… Oh. My. God.”

The irritating voice encroaching on Jessie’s fabulous dream of a wet Kai slowly stirred her to consciousness. For a minute, she didn’t know where she was and what was going on…or why the voice sounded so horrified. Then cold ice flashed through her body and her eyes opened about as wide as they could go. In all the euphoria of finally letting go with Kai, she’d sort of forgotten that she had roommates, roommates who knew him, and knew that he was her family. Well, they thought that he was her family anyway. They didn’t yet know what Jessie and Kai now knew – that he wasn’t.

Her huge eyes locked onto Harmony’s equally wide pale ones, and Jessie’s body went rigidly straight. Kai beside her shifted and eventually lifted his head off of her shoulder, propping his body up on his elbow as he tried to push away the fatigue and figure out what was happening. Blinking sleepily, he looked up at Harmony. The redhead’s mouth was practically on the floor as she gaped between the two of them.

Kai startled and glanced down at Jessie. They’d both been so exhausted that they’d slept until evening and hadn’t heard her roommate come home. They hadn’t had time to redress, and Kai’s bare chest, combined with Jessie’s bare shoulders as she held the covers in place, made what they’d done all too obvious, even to the most clueless person. And Harmony wasn’t some dimwit who would have needed it that spelled out anyway. Just the two of them being asleep in a bed together would have been enough proof. Adults just weren’t found together like that for innocent reasons.

A bang of the front door signaled the arrival of her second roommate. April’s voice drifted back to them from the hall. “Kai parked in my spot, is he here? And what’s up with Jessie’s clothes everywhere?” Harmony snapped out of her daze, twisting her lips in disgust and quickly fleeing from the doorway.

That woke Jessie up. “Shit, Harmony, wait!” She scrambled out of bed, finding the first piece of clothing she could – her underwear and Kai’s layered bundle of shirts. Throwing them on, she dashed out of the room to talk to her grossed out best friend.

Rushing into the living room, Jessie saw a sickly pale Harmony shaking her head at a confused looking April. Not sure what to say first, Jessie walked up to her, shaking her head. “It’s not what you think, Harm.”

Harmony took a step back, her nose wrinkled. “Really? Because I think it’s exactly what I thought.”

April twisted her head between the two. “What are we thinking?” Her dark eyes flicked down to Jessie’s obviously male clothing. “Hey, you get lucky today, Jessie?” Then her slanted eyes locked onto the name of the center where Kai worked, embroidered in the polo. “Hey, isn’t that where…?” Her voice trailed off as her focus was directed to a location over Jessie’s shoulder.

Jessie wanted to close her eyes and disappear, but instead she twisted to look. Kai was walking down the hall, dressed only in his slacks, since Jessie had stupidly put on his shirts. Given the fact that he’d just left Jessie’s bedroom, given the fact that Jessie was wearing the other half of his outfit, and given the fact that most of Jessie’s clothes were strewn about the living room and hallway, April should have been immediately clued into the situation.

Oddly enough though, the first thing April commented on as Kai stepped up to Jessie’s side was his now visible tattoo. Smiling crookedly, she bit her lip. “Oh, nice tat, island boy.”

Harmony grunted and lightly smacked her shoulder. “April, god, concentrate.”

Jessie sighed and reached down to lace her hand together with Kai’s. That seemed to finally put together the pieces for April. She pointed at their hands, their semi-dressed bodies, Jessie’s shirt piled on the floor by the end table, and then Jessie’s bedroom. She made a shocked, disgusted sort of noise and then her mouth dropped as wide open as Harmony’s had. “Holy shit! Were you two fucking?”

Jessie smacked her across the arm. “No! God, April.” Even though technically April’s question was right, what they’d done couldn’t possibly be classified as crudely or simply as how April had put it…at least, not in Jessie’s head anyway. Fucking just implied a lack of…feeling. And between her and Kai, that was never lacking.

April rubbed her arm and glared between the two girls that kept hitting her. “Well then, why does it look like you were, and why are you two…doing that.” She waggled her finger at their laced together hands.

Jessie sighed as Harmony raised an eyebrow at her. Jessie was about to say something when Kai spoke before her. “We’re in love.”

April scoffed. “Well, duh, you’re family. Of course you love each other.”

Kai shook his head but Harmony beat him to it. “That’s not what he said, April.” She shook her head, her face incredulous.

April opened her mouth as she twisted to Harmony, but then she shifted back to Jessie. “You’re…in love.” April gasped, her eyes softening as they shifted to Kai. “She’s the girl in your past? The one you couldn’t get over? The one you couldn’t be with?”

Kai nodded, dropping his eyes to Jessie. She smiled up at him sadly, giving his hand a squeeze. Harmony snorted and turned to walk away. “Whatever, you’re in love, fabulous, but if you’re into some freaky incest thing, I don’t need to hear the details.”

Jessie dropped Kai’s hand to grab Harmony’s arm while April continued to stare at Kai, her eyes speculative. “Wait, Harmony, it’s not…we’re not family.”

Harmony paused and both girls shifted their eyes to Jessie. Harmony scrunched her auburn brows together. “What? You said he was your cousin?”

Jessie bit her lip, looking back at Kai, his half dressed body distractingly alluring, even in the middle of…this. “We thought he was. He just…”

She let her voice trail off and Kai sighed, filling in the blanks. “Turns out my mom wasn’t entirely faithful to my dad.” His eyes shifted to Harmony’s. “The man I thought was my father my whole life…Jessie’s uncle,” his eyes flicked down to Jessie’s, then back up to Harmony’s, “…was never my father. That man lives here, in Denver.” His lips twisted in displeasure. “I’ve been working for him this whole time, and didn’t even know it.”

Harmony’s jaw dropped again as she looked between Jessie and Kai. Jessie was torn between giving Kai a supportive hug and keeping a grip on Harmony, so she wouldn’t just take off on her. “You’re not related?” Harmony asked slowly.

She twisted back to Jessie enough that Jessie finally felt like she wasn’t going to bolt, and she dropped Harmony’s arm. Smiling, Jessie shook her head and stepped back to Kai, each slipping an arm around the other’s waists. “No, we’re not, okay?”

Harmony twisted her lips at their affection, still seeming to be having a little trouble absorbing it, but was silent. April shook her head and stepped forward. “He’s Ricardo…isn’t he?” she said quietly.

Jessie closed her eyes and dropped her head. She had really been hoping that none of them would piece together that this wasn’t the first time she and Kai had had sex. Sure, technically this whole time they hadn’t been related, but she and Kai hadn’t known that…and they’d done things anyway. A little surprised that April had pieced that together before Harmony, Jessie lifted her eyes to her beautiful friend. “Yeah, he is.”

Harmony gasped as Kai leaned down to whisper to Jessie, “Why is she calling me Ricardo?”

Ignoring him, Jessie concentrated on her shocked friends. Well, Harmony seemed shocked, April still just seemed contemplative. Jessie wondered what else the woman was putting together. Harmony pointed at Kai. “He was your one night stand? I thought you said you just found out you weren’t related?”

Jessie heard Kai mutter, “Oh,” and was about to answer Harmony, but surprisingly, it was April who spoke up first.

Twisting to Harmony, she said, “They didn’t know.” Harmony shook her head, and April glanced back at Jessie. “I’m right, aren’t I? You’d never met before. You probably hadn’t even seen a picture of each other in a bazillion years.” April sighed and shook her head. “And we got you really, really drunk.”

Jessie sighed and nodded, a little relieved that she didn’t have to say it. She shrugged and glanced up at Kai. “I didn’t even know he was in town yet. He didn’t recognize my nickname. A million things went wrong, and we didn’t catch on to who we were…until later.”

Harmony stepped back towards the group. “Wow. That had to have been a shock. To find out you’d just slept with your cousin?” Her face scrunched and she crossed her arms over her chest, but Jessie thought she looked a little less disgusted.

Kai sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You have no idea.” He shook his head and smiled down at Jessie.

Jessie squeezed his waist and twisted back to her friends. “Once we found out, we obviously tried to stay away.” She shook her head. “But we’d never met before. He didn’t feel like family to me, and I didn’t to him. We were just…hopelessly attracted.” Jessie flushed and looked away. She felt Kai chuckle and squeeze her hip.

April tapped her finger against her lip, thinking. “Is that why you went out with me?” She pointed to Jessie as she spoke to Kai. “So you wouldn’t have feelings for her?”

Kai exhaled in a rush and nodded, his eyes deeply regretful. “Yes. I’m so sorry, April. It was really…stupid on my part, to involve you like that.” He looked back to Jessie, his eyes momentarily sad. “I was just hoping that being with you…would stop me from falling in love with her.” He smiled softly as Jessie’s thumb stroked his back. Glancing back at April, he shrugged. “It didn’t, I fell anyway.”

Harmony took another step closer, shaking her head. “That’s why you left…at the lodge. There was no emergency…was there?”

Kai looked down while Jessie looked away. No, no emergency, just feelings they couldn’t contain. “No,” Kai whispered. “No emergency…but I still had to leave.”

Jessie looked back at him as he looked up at her. The tears were pricking her eyes at just the memory of waking to find him gone. She didn’t ever want to feel that horror again. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “We caved. We…slept together…”

Her cheeks flushed at saying it to her friends, but the tears that she’d been fighting fell down her cheek. Kai brushed them away, his own eyes sad. Harmony laid her hand on Jessie’s arm and Jessie twisted to look at her. Harmony’s eyes were surprisingly moist as she watched her friend’s pain.

“We both felt like we’d done something so wrong…so horrible…but we loved each other so much, we knew it would happen again if he stayed…” Jessie’s voice trailed off and she couldn’t finish.

Kai’s other arm came around to fully embrace her and she clutched at him, so grateful that that future wasn’t the one that was happening. Resting his head on her hair, Kai finished the part she couldn’t. “I made plans to head back to Hawaii, to distance us with space, since nothing else was working. I…I found out who I really was today, when I met with my…biological father, when I turned in my notice.”

He squeezed Jessie tight, his voice husky. “I couldn’t deal with the truth. I came here, to her. She helped me and…”

Jessie heard April sniff and looked up from Kai’s chest. With long tear tracks down her cheek, April clasped her hands together. “Then you realized that you could be together, because you weren’t really cousins, and you finally got to express the love that’s been building between you.”

The entire room quieted as everybody stared at April. Finally, Harmony laughed and slung an arm around her. “God, you really are a closet romantic.”

Jessie felt her earlier sadness slide off her as she laughed along with Kai. April sighed and shook her head, shrugging her shoulders. Jessie wiped her cheeks dry then looked between her roommates. “So…are you guys going to be okay with this?” She bit her lip, hoping they understood. If she could get their acceptance, maybe she could get her families’ too.

Harmony sighed and looked at April. April shrugged and glanced back at Jessie. “I got drunk at a party once and French kissed my cousin. It happens.”

Harmony laughed and all eyes turned to her. She flushed, then shrugged. “I lusted after this guy at a family reunion once, thinking he was a friend of my second cousin. We were halfway through ‘show and tell’ when I finally figured out that he was an actual cousin.”

A light laughter filled the room as Harmony shrugged again. “Obviously our experiences were nothing as severe as yours, but…” she sighed and stepped up to give Jessie a hug, “I guess I get it. You didn’t know. You tried to stop once you did.” Pulling back, she looked between Kai and Jessie. “But love is a hard thing to shut off.”

Harmony smiled widely as she patted Kai’s shoulder. “I’m really glad that you are not actually related though, because listening to the two of you having sex would have seriously grossed me out if you were.” She grinned. “Sorry.”

Jessie flushed as April laughed. “God, Harmony, we wouldn’t have…” She sighed and just let that one go.

After a few more questions about what had really been going on for the past couple of months, April and Harmony finally let Jessie and Kai go back to her bedroom. Jessie smiled widely as she closed the door and leaned into it. Her roommates knowing, and eventually accepting, had been more cathartic than she’d thought it would be. The releasing of all the pent up lies she’d been telling was like a weight being lifted from her shoulders. She felt like she could finally breathe again.

Sighing, Kai sat on the edge of her bed. “Do you feel better?”

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. “Yeah, so much better. You?”

He smiled and nodded. “Yeah…it feels good to let April know why I really couldn’t be with her.” He leaned back on his hands, opening his chest in a delightful way. “She just…wasn’t you.” The edge of his lip curved up suggestively.

Jessie bit her lip and smiled suggestively too. She felt such a relief in the truth finally getting out, that she wanted to feel another round of their earlier bliss; she could even feel her body start to tingle at just the idea of him being inside of her again. Jessie was immensely grateful that her friends had come to terms with the idea of them having sex under their mutual roof; Jessie had a feeling there would be a lot of sex in her and Kai’s future.

His crooked grin stayed on his face as he looked over hers. “What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

She flushed and pushed away from the door. “I was just thinking that you should get dressed.”

He scrunched his brow, apparently not expecting those words from her. Smiling even wider, Jessie walked over to him, swaying her hips in the way that she knew turned him on. Sliding her fingers up her ribs, she took the fabric of his layered shirts with her. By the time she was directly in front of him, the shirts were free of her body. Tossing them onto his shoulder, she stood in front of him, dressed only in her favorite black lace underwear. “I believe those are yours,” she whispered huskily.

He sat up straight, his amazing eyes widening as they locked onto the breasts conveniently positioned directly in front of his face. One of his hands came out to gently cup her backside, slipping under the seductive fabric. The other slinked around her waist and up her back, pulling her towards him. Jessie’s eyes traveled the length of his body, settling on the bulge in his slacks. It was achingly apparent that he was ready to reconnect with her too.

As the forgotten shirts slipped off his shoulder, his lips closed over a nipple. As his tongue flicked the peak, Jessie closed her eyes and let a groan escape her. It only felt completely right between them now. He only felt completely right, and after everything they’d been through, she wasn’t bothered in the slightest to let everyone within earshot know it.

****************

Kai smiled as he trailed his fingers down Jessie’s bare back. She trembled, smiling into her pillow as she lay on her stomach next to him. Already having spent all day in her bed, Kai felt like he could spend an eternity here and be completely happy.

Sitting up on an elbow, his recently spent body perfectly relaxed, he shook his head as he drew a circle into her pale skin. “Is it wrong…?”

He let that trail off and she opened her eyes to peek up at him. “What?” Her voice was lazy, relaxed. Her last orgasm had been a good one, for both of them.

He smiled wider. “That I actually feel a little happy now, that Nathan Harper isn’t my real father.” Sighing, he shook his head. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to do…what we just did…with a clear conscience.” Kai shook his head and chuckled, letting his mind replay back to the multiple things he’d done to her that were very…un-cousinly.

Jessie laughed softly, flipping over onto her back. She did nothing to hide her wonderful breasts from him and he grinned, leaning down to suck on one. She trailed her fingers through his hair, exhaling contently. “Yeah…me too. I liked a few of those things.”

Cocking an eyebrow, he peeked up at her. “A few?” A couple of her moans replayed in his head, semi-hardening him back up.

She laughed deep in her throat, pulling his head up to her lips. “Okay, maybe everything. God bless you for knowing exactly what to do with that tongue.” As if to emphasize her point, she flicked her tongue over the roof of his mouth. Kai closed his eyes, remembering the taste of her. He couldn’t quite recall anything that had ever tasted better.

Sighing, he pulled back from her. Her chocolate brown eyes flicked over his face. He knew they still had conversations coming up that would be hard. They should talk to their grandmother, well, Jessie’s grandmother. He should probably say something else to his boss…his real father; he’d sort of just dashed out of there after he’d learned the irrefutable proof. And Kai should definitely talk with his parents, a conversation that he wasn’t looking forward to having. Jessie should even talk with her parents, if they were going to continue with this. And that’s what Kai wanted. He almost looked forward to getting past the hard conversations with family members, because at the end of them, if all went well, it would just be him and Jessie, alone in a bed together, loving each other physically and emotionally.

Running a finger through her hair, a long strand wrapping around his finger, he smiled and shrugged. “I know Nathan Harper isn’t really my father.” Kai paused, those words still feeling a little weird to him. Swallowing roughly, he continued, “But regardless, I love him.” He tore his eyes from her dark hair to find her watching him, a small smile on her lips. He smiled. “He loved me as a son, even when he knew I wasn’t his. That’s pretty…incredible if you think about it.”

Jessie nodded, running a few fingers down his cheek. “Uncle Nate is a good man.”

Kai tilted his head, seeing the resemblance to the man that had raised him in the woman beside him. “Yeah, yeah he is.” He shook his head. “I’m not really sure what Mason is like, and maybe he’s a good man too, but I think I got pretty lucky with the father who raised me.”

Kai felt a calm peace flow over him as he said it. True, he didn’t like what his parents had done, what they’d kept hidden from him, how they’d lied, how they’d chosen to tell him the truth. But he had to respect all of the support, wisdom, and unconditional love that he’d been given by the man he’d known as father.

Jessie sighed happily, running her fingers back through his hair. “And he did a really good job…raising you. You’re a good man, Kai. You’re a great man,” she whispered.

Pride and love filled him at her words. He wanted to be a good man for her. He wanted to be everything for her. He knew he would strive, every day, to be the man that she saw when she looked at him. “You amaze me…how you see me.”

She shrugged. “I only see what’s really there.”

He shook his head, a little dazed, and she pulled him down for a long kiss that left him breathless. After a moment, she pulled away. A little breathless too, she asked, “What are you going to say to your parents…when you talk to them again?”

Kai sighed and leaned back on his elbow. “I don’t know. I’m not really sure what to say. I mean, I love them, but I still have some questions over things they did. I’m still not happy that they lied to me. I’m not happy that my mom had an affair.” He paused, thinking about his mom and dad. “How could she betray her husband like that?”

Jessie sat up in bed, still not covering herself, and Kai sat up with her, trying not to be too distracted over that fact. She sighed, her hand running down his arm. “Maybe she found herself in love with someone she wasn’t supposed to be in love with.” Her eyes darted down his body. “Maybe she tried to do the right thing, when she got in too deep.” She peeked back up at his face. “She couldn’t have known you weren’t Uncle Nathan’s, not in the beginning.” Kai frowned and she quickly added, “I’m not excusing what she did, I’m just saying…she got herself in a bad situation, and she made a hard choice to stay with her husband, to raise you as a family.”

Kai nodded and looked down. He did understand about being in hard situations. He did understand about falling in love with someone he wasn’t supposed to be in love with. The fact was, if his mother hadn’t done what she’d done, he wouldn’t be able to be with the woman he loved right now. In a weird way, his own romantic happiness, let alone his very existence, was born from his mother’s infidelity. He supposed he shouldn’t really condemn her for that.

Shaking his head, he looked up at Jessie. “Why didn’t they just tell me when they found out? They got divorced when I was thirteen, because Dad found out I wasn’t his. Why keep up the…pretense for so long?”

Jessie lovingly stroked his hand resting over her knee. Tilting her head, she shrugged. “That’s exactly why, Kai. You were thirteen. Your parents were going through a divorce. Uncle Nate obviously loves you…he didn’t want to break you.”

Kai sighed and laced their fingers together. “Why now then? Why after all this time…”

Jessie shrugged, leaning into him so her breast was touching his arm. Even though their conversation had turned serious, Kai smiled at the contact. She sighed and kissed the edge of his tattoo. “I don’t know. Maybe they finally felt that you were old enough? Maybe it’s been eating away at them all this time, and they just needed you to know the truth.”

Kai looked up at her face, knowing she didn’t have any of these answers, but liking having someone to share his concerns with. “Why send me here? Why couldn’t they tell me themselves?”

She smiled crookedly at him, like she knew she didn’t know any of the answers, any more than he did. She still answered though. “They had to be terrified. You and your parents are close, right?”

He nodded and looked away. “Yeah, I mean, I talk to my mom nearly every day, and my dad, before I left we were tight…” Kai sighed forlornly, returning his gaze to the comfort of her body. “I wish one of them had told me, or both of them, together.”

She shrugged, her chest moving in an intriguing way that made Kai smile again. “I don’t know what their reasons were, but if it were me, I’d be terrified of losing you.” He looked up at her face and she bit her lip as she searched his eyes. “Maybe they thought it would be better if it didn’t come from them?”

He leaned in to kiss her, then sighed against her lips. “Better for whom?”

She kissed him softly a few times, sucking on his lip. “I’m sorry they did that to you, Kai.”

His body starting to forget the conversation they were having, he unlocked their hands and cupped the breast that had been teasing him. Rolling the weight in his fingers, he rubbed his thumb over the peak. He heard her inhale sharply, felt her chest start to heave more.

“Kai…” she whispered, desire clear in her voice again. “What are you going to do now?”

A list of all of the things he could do - to her - was shuffling through his head, but he was pretty certain that that wasn’t what she meant. His hand slipped down her chest anyway, ducking under the covers, aiming for the sweet spot that he hoped was completely saturated for him. His fingers were delightfully rewarded with a hot wetness as he slid between her folds. She arched her back and moaned his name as his lips traveled up to her ear.

“My plans haven’t changed. I’m still going to go home, Jessie.”

She looked over at him, her breath fast as her body writhed under his fingers sliding against her. “What?” she managed to get out, her eyes rolling back in her head. “But…”

Hiding a grin, Kai encouraged her to lie back on the sheets. She did so, a frown on her face struggling to take precedence over her rising passion. His searching fingers twisted to probe inside of her, pressing against the sensitive spot there while his thumb circled around the sensitive spot on the outside. He’d discovered early on that she immensely liked that. She gasped and clutched his shoulders, her frown forgotten.

Almost jealous of his hand, he rubbed his hard member against her thigh. In her ear, he panted, “I need to talk to them face to face. I just can’t do it over the phone.” She moaned, moving with determination over his hand. Dropping his head to her shoulder, he groaned into her skin, “I was hoping you would go with me, help me through this, like you always help me.”

She moaned yes, and he felt his stomach clench like he was going to release all over her, just hearing her voice. Pushing his fingers deeper into her, he frantically kissed her neck. “God, I don’t want to be apart, Jessie. Now that we’re together, I don’t want to ever be apart. Come with me. Please, say that you’ll come with me.”

Clutching his head to her, she arched her back as she clenched around his fingers. “Yes, I’ll come…yes, god, yes, I’ll come.” She expressed her desire to go with him several more times and Kai smiled into her skin as he felt her orgasm again.

He really wasn’t sure if she was actually agreeing to come home with him, or if she was even aware of what he’d really asked her, but at her reaction, he didn’t mind. Kai loved satisfying her, and would do it over and over again if he could. Besides, he was pretty sure she’d say yes, once he asked her again during a less…provocative time. He was sure there was no way Jessie would ever turn down a trip to what she considered paradise.

As she moaned his name over and over, coming down off of her high, Kai pictured her glorious, writhing body, skimpily covered by tiny bits of bikini, an outfit she’d once told him she rocked. He pictured her smiling at him in the ocean, the sun beating against her skin, the wind billowing in her hair, the water splashing up her thighs.

He grinned as he watched the ecstasy wash over her face, a small smile on her open mouth as her breath started to calm down, her eyes closed as she relished the pleasure he’d just given her. Kai suddenly couldn’t wait to go home.

Chapter   23

Father and Son

The early morning sky was a clear, perfect shade of blue near the horizon. As it lifted from the earth, the blue shifted to lavender and then a rosy shade of pale pink. It almost looked like the world was blushing, watching the two young lovers lying beneath it.

Jessie smiled as she stared out her bedroom window. Kai rustled beside her, but was still deep in sleep. Jessie knew from experience that he’d sleep a bit longer, unless she woke him up. He’d been a fixture in her bed for the past couple of days, and she was getting to know his patterns. If she really needed him awake for any reason, she knew exactly just how to get him there. She’d also discovered that he immensely liked being woken up with her lips securely wrapped around him.

She’d practiced that the other night, when she’d woken up predawn with an ache that needed to be satisfied. She blamed it on the erotic dream she’d been having, but truly, Jessie thought it was just the novelty of freely having the man she never thought she’d get. Well, that, and Kai was the most unbelievable lover she’d ever had. That didn’t hurt either.

Kai had taken some time off work, not able to face his real father yet, so Jessie had followed suit, feigning her sudden illness for a little while longer. Her roommates were also keeping their distance, both of them staying away from the house after they got off work, only venturing home late in the evening, when they probably figured the two love birds were done for awhile. Jessie felt a little guilty about it…but not really. She and Kai had endured some pretty hard times; they were reveling in the fact that as far as their relationship was concerned, those hard times were over.

Jessie sighed and reached a hand out to touch the tattoo on his back. Twisting her fingers to mimic the swirls, she thought about the hard times yet to come. Kai needed to deal with his real father, needed to speak with his parents, and they both needed to talk with their grandmother. It seemed a little unfair to her that most of the emotional moments coming up were Kai’s, and not hers. If she could, she’d take his pain for him, to spare him from feeling it. But life didn’t work that way, so all she could do was be there for him. And she intended to. She’d be there every step of the way.

Smiling, Jessie thought of Kai asking her to go to Hawaii with him. Once he’d asked her again later, and she’d really understood what he was saying - she’d been a little preoccupied the first time he’d asked - she’d gotten a flutter of excitement in her stomach. True, it was going to be a hard trip for Kai, and Jessie planned on supporting him in every way that she could, but, outside of the difficulties, she was finally going to paradise. She was a bit excited about it.

But first things first, they needed to talk to Grams. At the bare minimum, they needed to let her know that they were aware of Kai’s true parentage, and they wanted to confess to her that they were in love, that they were together. They figured that out of all of the family members directly involved with this, she would be the first that they could tell.

Yawning, Jessie quietly slipped out of her bed and put on some warm lounge pants and a loose, long-sleeved t-shirt. She didn’t bother with actual dressing, or underwear, since she was pretty sure once Kai woke up, she’d just be undressing again, but it was chilly in her home and the comfort was nice.

Smiling at Kai’s sleeping body as she made her way to the door, her eyes drifted to the pile of his stuff sitting on a chair next to her dresser. He’d briefly gone to his apartment a couple of times, to pick up some things that he’d needed. Used to small spaces, he’d carved out a nice little corner for himself in her room.

She grinned as she opened the door, thinking she’d have to do some laundry for him soon, to save him from making another trip back to his place. She didn’t mind though. Jessie loved doing things for him, and laundry was a pretty simple way that she could show her affection. Besides, she wanted him to stay as long as possible. Clean clothes were a pretty good incentive.

Nearly skipping her way down the hall, she noticed the kitchen light on. Realizing that other people in the world were still going on about their routines as normal, not having put everything on hold for an amazing, rock-your-world love fest, she figured it was Harmony, prepping for her day.

Laughing, she slung her arms around her friend as she came up behind her. Harmony startled in filling her coffee cup, spilling a bit over the sides. “Oh, Jesus, Jessie. It’s way too early for you to scare me like that.”

The redhead twisted to look at Jessie and Jessie knew exactly what she would see – a woman grinning like an idiot from ear to ear. She couldn’t help it. For the first time, it what felt like forever, she was finally happy. Perfectly and contently happy.

Harmony smiled softly and shook her head. She was all done up for work, a paralegal in a local law firm, and her hair was swept into a perfect, orderly bun at the nape of her neck. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you…glow like that.” She tilted her head and took a quick sip of her coffee. “I’m glad he makes you so happy. You deserve it, after that last creep.”

Jessie sighed and leaned back against the counter, her head swimming with thoughts of the gorgeous boy asleep in her bed; she could barely even recall what that last “creep’s” name had been. “Yeah, yeah he does.”

Harmony took another sip of coffee, laughing quietly at her sighing-with-love friend. Raising a pale eyebrow she asked, “Are you two ever going to rejoin the real world, or just make living here feel like I’m back at my college dorm for eternity.” She laughed again on the end as she lightly shook her head.

Jessie wanted to be embarrassed about her and Kai’s…eagerness, but she was just too happy to be. Smiling, she shrugged. “Sorry about that. We’re just…making up for lost time.” She tilted her head and sighed again.

Harmony sighed too and patted her shoulder. “I know. I guess we can put up with it for a little while longer.” Walking past Jessie to the living room, she put on her stern face. “Just a little bit though, Jessie.”

Her friend was smiling warmly before she turned away though, so Jessie was pretty sure she was teasing. Well, mostly teasing. She probably was tired of the clear sounds of ecstasy continually drifting out of Jessie’s bedroom. Staying where she was against the counter, Jessie sighed and smiled to herself. She knew she was being a little crazy-in-love, but she didn’t care. She was. She wanted to relish the feeling for as long as it lasted.

Glancing up at the pot of coffee on the counter, she was just thinking about pouring herself a cup, when she swore she heard a noise at the front door. She switched her gaze to the clock on the microwave, sure she was hearing things. It was hardly a decent hour for someone to visit.

Furrowing her brow, she walked into the room where she could hear Harmony softly talking with someone. When she fully entered the room, her jaw dropped at who she was talking to. She’d only seen him once before, but Jessie would never forget those eyes, not when she was staring into their near duplicate on a frequent basis.

Mason Thomas, the man who was Kai’s very reason for being alive, was standing in her doorway, looking like he’d rather be just about anywhere else.

Harmony twisted from the older man at the door to Jessie when she heard her approach. “Uh, Jess, this guy says he needs to talk to Kai?”

Harmony stepped back from the door when Jessie stepped up to it. “Mason? What are you doing here?” She glanced down the hallway at where Kai was still obliviously sleeping, then back to his reluctant father.

Mason swallowed uneasily, rubbing his hands together in the frigid, almost winter air outside. “I’m sorry for the intrusion, especially this early in the morning, but I was wondering…is Kai here?” His tropical eyes almost had a pleading quality to them that Jessie found confusing. Kai had never thought the man liked him…but he seemed almost…worried.

Jessie shrugged. “Yeah, he’s sleeping.” She tilted her head to indicate where he was. Mason closed his eyes briefly, the relief visibly washing through him. Even more confused, Jessie blurted out, “How did you find us…him?”

Mason’s eyes opened and looked past Jessie, to the point where his long lost child was. “It took a bit of investigating.” His eyes returned to hers. “I spoke with his mother earlier this morning.” Grimacing, he shrugged. “I explained to her that Kai had found out the truth a few days ago, and I hadn’t seen or heard from him since.” He grimaced. “Once she got past her panic attack,” he sighed, “she mentioned his grandmother.”

Jessie’s eyes widened. “Did you talk to Grams?”

Mason’s eyes narrowed. “Right…you’re the cousin…well, technically you’re not, but you do share the same woman that Kai has always believed was his grandmother.” Jessie could only nod, not quite wanting to go into the family dynamics with this man. He shrugged. “I needed to find him, to make sure he was…okay. I called her…she mentioned you…” He shrugged again.

Jessie ran her fingers down her face. Great, her grandmother knew that Kai was aware of the truth. Kai’s mother knew also. She knew they couldn’t hide in their newfound utopia forever, but she had wished to at least ride out the week. Sighing, she stepped aside and welcomed him in.

Harmony gave Jessie a swift hug and wished her well before popping out the door for work. Jessie had Mason sit on the couch and told him she’d wake up Kai. If he was at all curious about their relationship, he didn’t seem to show it. His only real feeling seemed to be concern and discomfort. As he sat with his hands steepled over his knees, his feet antsily bouncing up and down, it was quite clear to Jessie that he was completely out of his comfort zone. But he was here anyway, here to speak to Kai…his son. That said a lot about the man to Jessie.

Leaving him alone and nervous on her couch, she ran into April just as she emerged from her door. Yawning and rubbing her eyes, she pointed down the hall. “Someone here?”

Jessie nodded and whispered, “Kai’s dad.”

April’s eyes widened. “Oh…” She turned to sneak a peek at him, but Jessie grabbed her elbow. “He’s a bit…nervous, maybe you could not spy on him.”

April frowned, then sighed. “Yeah, alright. I have to get ready for work anyway.” She sighed again and disappeared into her room and Jessie could have sworn that she murmured something about missing all of the good drama.

Shaking her head at her friend, Jessie opened her bedroom door. Kai stirred and twisted his head to peek up at her. Stretching, he murmured, “Good morning.” He yawned right after he said it, a satisfied smile on his face. Softly closing the door behind her, Jessie wished she didn’t have to say what she was about to say. Maybe seeing the reluctance in her face, Kai frowned. “What’s wrong?”

She sat on the edge of the bed as he sat up. Jessie could see the goose bumps on his arm and chest and rubbed his skin, warming him up where she could. He smiled and waited patiently for her to answer.

Sighing, she nodded her head at the door. “Your dad is here, Kai.”

Kai’s brow knotted as he stared at the door. “My dad’s here from…” His sentence trailed off as his eyes snapped back to Jessie. His eyebrows rose as his eyes widened. “Mason? Mason is here?”

Jessie bit her lip and nodded as Kai flung back the covers and stood up. Jessie’s eyes drifted down his bare body before she reprimanded herself and made them stay locked on his face. He seemed a little shocked. Natural, Jessie supposed. She was a little shocked that Mason was here too. Stepping into his underwear and then some jeans, Kai shook his head. “Did he say what he wanted?” He shook his head as he zipped up his pants.

Jessie shook her head. “No, just that he wants to see you.” She lowered her voice. “I think he was worried.”

Kai paused in putting a shirt on. “Worried?” He slipped it on and smoothed it over that fabulous body. “Why would he be worried…about me?”

Jessie gave him a wry smile and tilted her head. “Kai…regardless of when he found out about you, you’re his blood, he’s going to naturally be concerned over your well being.” She shrugged. “I’m sure when he didn’t hear from you for days…he panicked.”

Kai nodded and tilted his head. He closed his eyes for a minute, then shook his head. “My phone died at the lodge…I never charged it back up.” He sighed. “My mom must be panicking too, since she hasn’t been able to get a hold of me either.”

Jessie cleared her throat and Kai’s eyes immediately locked onto her. “What?” he asked cautiously.

Jessie looked down at her bed, their bed, and picked at a loose piece of string coming off the sheet. “Well, your dad didn’t know how to find you…he probably thought you went back home…so he…”

Hearing Kai sigh, she looked up at him. “He called my mom, didn’t he?”

Jessie nodded. “And Grams.”

Kai’s mouth dropped open, then he ran his hands down his face and sighed. Peeking at her between his fingers, he muttered, “I guess the honeymoon’s over, isn’t it?”

Jessie grinned at his summation of their few days of bliss. Sighing, she stood up and laced her hands around his neck. “Back to the real world, babe.”

Smiling softly, he slung his arms around her waist. “At least you’re still a part of that real world.”

She smiled and kissed him. “I’m not going anywhere that you’re not.” They pulled apart, Kai sighing again, and Jessie bit her lip. “Let’s go see what your dad has to say.” Kai slumped, then nodded. Grabbing her hand, Kai pulled Jessie from the room. His face look relaxed, but Jessie felt the tension in his fingers; he was nervous about this.

Mason looked up from examining a spot on his hand once they were at the end of the hallway. A small smile ghosted across his face as he stood up. He seemed nervous too to Jessie, but also relieved that Kai was still here, still around. Stepping towards the pair as they approached the couch, he extended a hand to Kai.

“Kai, I’m glad I found you.”

Kai looked at the hand being offered to him, but didn’t drop Jessie’s to take it. Furrowing his brow, he looked over the man that had rocked his world. “What are you doing here, Mason?”

Mason sighed at the distance between them, then shoved his hand into his pocket. His aged face, a bit wearier than Jessie remembered from the first time she’d met him, relaxed into neutrality. “You ran out on me. I haven’t seen or heard from you for days…”

Kai hung his head, then peeked up at him. “Are you here to fire me then?”

Shock ran through Jessie as she glanced at Kai and then over to Mason. She hadn’t considered that Kai would get in trouble for ditching work. Sure, he’d had good reason, but a job was still a job, certain responsibilities were expected, regardless of the personal problems going on among the employees. It was why she’d had to call in with a fake illness every day.

The same shock Jessie felt seemed to pass through Mason’s face, disturbing his attempt at emotional detachment. Sputtering, he stepped up to Kai and nearly reached out for him before stopping himself and putting his hand back in his pocket. “No, of course not, Kai. The job is yours, for as long as you want it.” He sighed. “I understand why you fled.” Exhaustion seemed to overtake him, and all trace of detachment vanished. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay…son.”

His gaze softened as he looked at Kai and Jessie couldn’t help but note the obvious similarities between father and son. Besides the eyes, there was something about the angle of the jaw, the slope of the nose, the basic bone structure. Kai’s coloring and ethnicity helped to mask a lot of the connection, but once you knew about the lineage, there were just too many markers to ignore the truth. This man was Kai’s father.

Still having trouble accepting that, Kai stiffened, his hand loosely holding hers suddenly clenching it tight. “Don’t call me that,” he bit out.

Mason sighed and looked away from him, nodding his head. Jessie brought her other hand over Kai’s clenched fist, trying to ease out the tension she felt there with soothing circles. Jessie understood his anger and confusion, but none of this was really Mason’s fault.  From what Kai had told her, Mason had just found out about him.

Kai’s death grip on her hand eased as Mason looked back at him. “I’m not trying to replace the father that raised you, Kai. That was never my intention.”

Kai sniffed, then shrugged. “Then what are you doing here?”

Mason tilted his eyes and bunched his brows. “Is it so hard for you to believe that I care about you?”

Kai looked down, then over at Jessie. Jessie slung her arm around his stomach, holding him tight as she rested her head on his arm. Glancing back at Mason, he shrugged. “I’m just not sure what to think or feel right now. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little…uncertain how to act around you now.”

Mason nodded, but his eyes were locked on Kai and Jessie’s embrace. Flicking his green-blue eyes between the two of them, he lifted an eyebrow. “Are you two…together?” His tone seemed nothing more than curious, a man of science studying an interesting phenomena of nature in front of him, but Jessie felt herself flush.

Kai pulled her tight into his body. “What we are…isn’t really relevant.”

Mason’s eyes snapped up to his, his face paling. “Oh, I know. I wasn’t meaning to pry…it’s perfectly fine if you are. There are no inherent genetic dangers in a sexual relationship between the two of you. I was just…curious.” He smiled apologetically, like out of everyone in the room, Kai should understand curiosity.

Jessie felt her cheeks heat with the blunt way he talked, but Kai lightly shook his head, amused, even smiling a little. Maybe seeing an invitation in that, Mason pointed over to the couch. “Do you mind if we sit, Kai. I’d love to…just have a conversation with you.” He smiled widely for the first time. “I’d love to get to know you, if you’d let me?” He shrugged.

Kai inhaled slowly. On the exhale, he smiled softly and eventually nodded. “Alright…I can handle…talking.”

Kai led her over to the couches, and Jessie sat beside him on one, still holding his hand supportively. Mason sat on the smaller one, still looking nervous, but happy too. He seemed to have been genuine in his desire to get to know Kai.

Rubbing his hands over his slacks, he cleared his throat and gave Kai an apologetic smile. “You’ll forgive me if I also don’t know how to act around you.” He laughed lightly, shaking his head. “It’s not every day that you find out you have a twenty-three year old son.”

Kai laughed at his remark, smiling over at Jessie. “Yeah, I suppose that could be a shock.”

Hearing Mason sigh, they both directed their attention back to him. “I suppose I should start at the beginning. Your beginning anyway.” He indicated Kai on the couch, then smiled sadly. “Leilani Harper was the most beautiful, exotic, vibrant woman that I’d ever seen…I couldn’t help but fall madly in love with her…”

His eyes alternating between reflection, remorse, and a lingering love, Mason began describing the series of events and bad choices that had led to Kai’s creation. Kai seemed uncomfortable for a lot of it, hearing such intimate, and not always flattering details about his mother. But by the end of Mason’s tale, he’d scooted to the edge of the couch, listening raptly.

Mason had a way of painting their relationship that made it easy to see why they’d fallen so deeply for each other, even though it was wrong for them to do so. Jessie couldn’t help but steal glances at Kai throughout his confession. While she and Kai couldn’t be together for entirely different reasons, the heartache was the same. Jessie found herself sympathizing for Kai’s mother. She couldn’t imagine being torn between two lovers like that, and then having to leave one behind for the wellbeing of the child, the child that could have been fathered by either of them. But Jessie could understand being in love with someone who was forbidden.

When Mason finished, Kai hung his head and nodded, seeming to better understand himself the turmoil his mother had gone through. As Jessie rubbed his back, she hoped that when he saw her again, he wasn’t too hard on her. Her choices hadn’t been the best, but her decision to stay with Uncle Nate had in large part been for Kai’s benefit. Either way, her decision must have been hard.

As April was leaving for work, she came up and gave Kai a swift hug and a light kiss on the cheek, having heard parts of the tale about Kai’s sordid conception. Jessie watched the affectionate moment, a little surprised that she no longer felt jealous by the contact between them. Maybe that was because of the way that April and Kai’s relationship had shifted into an easy friendship, or because Jessie was now bonded with Kai in a way that left no question as to where his heart was, since he showed her every chance he got. Or maybe, it was just because she’d gotten to know Kai over the last few months, and that just wasn’t who he was. Kai was loyal and trustworthy, loving and honest. He was devoted to his family. He was there for anyone who needed a hand. Inside and out, Kai was just a good person.  And besides being the man who occupied her bed and her heart, he was also her best friend…her soul mate.

As Jessie waved goodbye to April, another good friend, she was certain that unlike his mother, Kai would never fall into the position where he had to choose between two lovers.  Jessie was absolutely certain that Kai’s heart was hers…only hers.

Jessie stood to make the father and son cups of coffee when the conversation shifted over to the men’s newfound relationship. Mason seemed genuinely inquisitive about Kai, about who he was. He endlessly expressed his regret over seeming standoffish to Kai upon his arrival here. The whole situation had just completely thrown him off-track, and Mason wasn’t someone who liked to be off-track. He’d been struggling with the task that had been given him from day one.

After giving the pair their coffee, Jessie kissed Kai’s forehead and gave them some privacy in their getting-to-know-you moment. Smiling at hearing Kai laugh while he described the numerous bee stings he’d hidden from Mason on his first day, Jessie ducked into her room.  Crawling into her bed, the scent of Kai still on her pillows, she listened to his deep voice combined with his father’s, drifting throughout her home.

It filled Jessie with a surprising warmth that he was bonding with the man. Maybe that was because if Kai bonded with him, it would reaffirm that Uncle Nate wasn’t his real dad, reaffirm that it was okay for them to be together. Jessie knew in her heart that being with Kai was the absolute right path for her, and she knew that they were strangers, in that sense, but still, him having a close tie to someone that didn’t have a branch on the Harper family tree…could only be a good thing.

Smiling at that thought, Jessie closed her eyes, a vision of Kai’s sea-green ones washing her away into slumber.

************

Mason shook his son’s hand as he stood to leave. That had gone smoother than he’d ever hoped it would. Kai constantly surprised him, and his willingness to let a complete stranger into his life, into his heart, warmed Mason in a way that he’d never, ever expected.  A rush of pride swept into Mason as he smiled back at the attractive man in front of him. While Kai’s looks were clearly Leilani’s, Mason thought he saw a bit of himself in there too, and not just in the lookalike eyes. There was something in the jaw, the brow-line, a trace of his lineage that couldn’t quite be hidden.

And the boy was smart, talented. Mason liked to think that he’d played a large part in that department, if not in the physical one. Kai could make big strides in their relatively small community, and Mason had every intention of helping him, if he could.

But all of those things weren’t really what gave Mason the swell of fatherly pride No, Mason was proud of Kai because he was a good man. Maybe that part had more to do with his upbringing, Mason wasn’t sure. The studies of nature versus nurture were open to far too much interpretation in his opinion. But regardless of how he came to be a fine example of the male species, he was, and Mason’s ego swelled a little over that fact.

“Will you be staying with us then, Kai?” he asked him, his head tilted inquisitively. He wanted to hold his breath, wanted to have hope that he would choose to stay, choose to build on the relationship that they’d started today. It never failed to surprise him just how much he suddenly wanted a lasting connection with his son.

Kai slipped his hands in his back pocket once their handshake ended. Sighing, he looked down, then slowly back up at Mason. “Yes. I’m going to stay here…in Denver.”

He glanced back down the hall, where the woman who was obviously more than just a cousin to him had disappeared to. Mason had been a little shocked to see that they’d clearly moved into a physical relationship, but genetically it didn’t much matter, since Kai wasn’t blood related. Even then, first cousins rarely had children with problems. It was only generation after generation of inbreeding that the serious problems started cropping up. No, it was much more of a social stigma than a biological one. Mason’s own surprise had been born from that stigma, but his rational mind had quickly dismissed it. Who was he to say what couple in love should or should not be together?

Kai’s eyes returned to him, a small smile on his lips. “Denver is my home.” He tilted his head at Mason, in almost the same way Mason had at him. “And I’d be honored to keep working for you.”

Mason smiled brightly and clapped him on the shoulder.  “Good…you would have been…impossible to replace.”

Kai smiled widely, his face much more relaxed than when Mason had first walked in here. Mason had been sure, once Kai had left him days ago, that he’d fled back home, back to the parents who’d lied to him. He’d been very surprised when he’d talked to Leilani and discovered that not only had Kai not gone home, but he hadn’t even talked to her yet. Mason had inadvertently terrified the woman, since she hadn’t been able to contact Kai in days either.

Promising her that he’d find Kai and immediately contact her, he’d exhausted all of his resources to find his son. He’d gone to his apartment early on, but the tenets he’d found there had only shrugged and admitted that they hadn’t seen him in awhile. Upon Leilani’s advice, Mason had grudgingly called Kai’s grandmother in town this morning. Leilani had voiced her reciprocated dislike of the woman, and Mason had been expecting a cold shoulder from the person who knew the whole sordid story but had never once searched him out. But she had been surprisingly helpful, concerned even, and had directed Mason to Kai’s cousin, Jessie.

Mason hadn’t really been expecting to find him here. While he’d met Jessie once before, he hadn’t realized how bonded she and Kai were, more so than probably any other family member knew. Mason supposed he owed Jessie a thanks for that. If it weren’t for her, Kai may have indeed fled back home. His love for the woman, a woman that society deemed he shouldn’t be with, had kept him in the city. It made Mason smile that at least one good thing had come out of his poorly delivered revelation to Kai, since he could now love his pseudo-cousin with a clear conscience.

Kai looked down, smiling at the compliment, and then shrugged. “I hope you don’t mind, but I need a little more time off.” His lips twisted as he looked up at Mason. “I need to see my parents.”

Mason sighed and nodded. “Yes, I suppose you do.” His hand on Kai’s shoulder squeezed it before letting go. “Go easy on her, boy. She had her reasons for keeping you in the dark.” Mason was a little surprised he’d said that. But, regardless of what had happened between him and Kai’s mother, she had only been trying to protect her son, by sheltering him from the truth.

Kai sighed and nodded. Mason was again proud of the man before him and in a surprising flood of warmth, reached out to give him a swift hug. Kai stiffened a bit at the gesture, then loosely hugged him back. Embarrassed by his own display, Mason pulled back and cleared his throat. “Well, take all the time you need to, Kai.” Thinking a moment, he added, “Getting tickets can be tricky this time of year…I’ll make arrangements.”

Kai cleared his own throat, obviously touched. “You don’t have to…thank you.” Mason smiled and turned to open the door. Just as he was walking through it, he heard Kai say, “I’ll call you when I get there.” Mason twisted to look back at him and Kai shrugged. “You know, just so you won’t worry…about me.”

Mason’s throat closed up and he could only smile and nod. Quickly leaving before the emotion could choke him, Mason darted to his car. How strange. He’d definitely never anticipated the range of emotion he felt around his child. He suddenly understood Leilani’s need to shelter him, protect him. Closing his eyes briefly, he wished his son a safe journey.

A silent car ride later, Mason pulled up to the research center, his true home, the one place on this earth that he felt most at peace. Just as he shut the car off, his cell phone at his hip started to ring. Wondering if perhaps his son had more to say to him, he glanced down at the screen. Sighing slightly as he leaned back into his leather seat, he contemplated just letting it ring.

As the trill filled the suddenly tiny feeling cabin, Mason watched two of his employees greet each other at the front door. Louis and Missy. A strange pair, but effective at their jobs. That made up for a lot of their eccentricities to Mason. The work, that was what really mattered, to all of them here. But those two would never have the future that Kai could have in this field. He had the brains, the work ethic, and the social graces required to really go places, even farther than Mason had, if he were honest with himself.

Glancing down at the cool, gleaming metal in his hand, a flush of pride for the son he had every intention of nurturing for the rest of his life, gave him the strength to connect the call. Pressing the talk button, Mason held the phone to his ear. “Good morning, Leilani.”

The voice on the other end wasted no time. “Did you find him? Is he alright?”

Mason paused. He could tell Leilani about the situation with the girl, the cousin. He was pretty sure Leilani didn’t know about it. Shaking his head, he only told her, “Yes. He’s fine. He was staying with his…cousin.” Mason smiled slightly. The secret was not for him to share. Kai could explain it, if and when he chose to.

She sighed loudly in his ear, the sound taking Mason back to similar soft noises that had echoed in his head. It never failed to amaze Mason, how easily the woman could wrap herself around him, squeezing his heart to an almost painful point at times. Her voice was strained with worry when it finally came out again. “Oh, thank god. I was so worried…”

Mason had to imagine that Leilani hadn’t slept at all since he’d called her in the wee hours of her morning. Surprisingly, he felt a wave of guilt hit him over needlessly stressing her. Regardless of their twisted past, Kai was her son too, and from what she’d confessed to him before, Kai was all she had in the world. The thought of losing him…of not knowing where he was or how he was… Finally able to understand the feeling of having a child in the world, Mason almost couldn’t comprehend that level of torment. Sighing himself, he massaged the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry to have worried you, Leilani. He really is okay…just processing.” Processing in the arms of a beautiful woman, but definitely still processing.

A tired exhale met his ear. “He knows…I can’t believe he knows now. I got so used to him…thinking what I wanted him to.”

Mason’s lips twitched into a wry smile. “Yes, you do prefer people to think what you want them to, don’t you?” Knowing that sounded very bitter, he quickly added, “He’s an adult now, Leilani. He will find his way through this and come out a stronger man for it.”

Again that swell of fatherly pride filled him, surprising him, and Mason was sure, for the first time in all of this, that the truth coming out was for the betterment of all involved. Perhaps Nathan was correct after all? Perhaps the truth did matter. Sometimes you had to cut deep into a wound to remove the infected areas, before the true healing could begin.

“Does he hate me?” Leilani whispered, her voice sending a small spark of compassion through Mason.

He smiled and shook his head at the woman who couldn’t see him. “I don’t know, Leilani…but from what I’ve learned of the boy so far, he’s quite understanding. I won’t speak for him, but he seems the type that is capable of tremendous amounts of forgiveness.”

A long pause, then, “Maybe he gets that from his father?”

Mason closed his eyes, clearly hearing the true question there. Do you forgive me? Could he ever forgive her? Was there anything to forgive? She had stayed loyal to the man she had taken vows with. Right or wrong, painful or not, she had decided to honor her promise to him. Could Mason truly blame her for that decision?

“Leilani…there is nothing between us that needs forgiveness. You did what you had to, to survive. I did what I had to, to survive. We are, if anything, survivors.”

Leilani chuckled slightly. “Thank you, Mason, for being there for him. For finding him, for speaking with him, for being so…you. Thank you.”

The love and sympathy washing over him with those words brought tears to Mason’s eyes. Right or wrong, he still loved the woman. Thousands of miles hadn’t severed it. A couple decades apart hadn’t diminished it either. Some things, Mason decided, were just eternal. “You’re welcome, Leilani. Thank you for finally telling me…he was mine.” His voice choked and that tear finally escaped him. He quickly brushed it aside, peeking back at the door to see if his fellow researchers were watching. They weren’t; he was alone in his moment of wistful grief.

Sniffling herself, Leilani sighed again. “I suppose I’ll need to talk to Kai…explain myself. Did you tell him about us?”

Mason nodded, before he answered. “Yes, I told him the entire story, beginning…to end.” As the word left his lips, Mason wondered if there was ever really an end between them, especially now, now that they shared the genetic responsibility of Kai…his son.

She sniffed again. “Good. He should know that, if anything, he was created out of love…real love.” She sniffed again and Mason imagined the tired, worn woman’s cheeks were wet with a torrent of tears. “I love you, Mason.”

Mason smiled into the phone. “And I love you, Leilani.” He shook his head as another tear fell. “You know, we may have made…so many mistakes…but I don’t believe Kai is one of them.” Reminiscent pride swelled as he thought of the man who shared his blood. “He is…amazing, Leilani. We created a pretty spectacular child, sweetheart.”

He heard her sigh into the phone again, but this time, contently. “Yes, yes we did, Mason.” She paused for a moment and Mason pictured her tilting her head, her long, dark hair falling loosely over a bare shoulder. The vision brought back a lifetime of aches. “Given the situation over again, Mason…I don’t think I’d change a thing.” Mason smiled and was about to answer, when she interrupted his thoughts. “No, I take that back…I’d change one thing.”

Mason’s heart picked up a bit as he waited for her explanation. When she didn’t give it, he whispered, “And what would that be…?”

A long, pregnant pause filled the silence of his car, only amplifying the thumping beat of his heart. When he could nearly not stand that silence anymore, he heard her softly say, “I’d have picked you, Mason. If I were allowed a redo…I’d choose you.”

Chapter   24

Life’s Little Surprises

Kai smiled as his hand curled over the doorknob leading him back to the room that held the woman he loved. As he twisted it, thoughts of sitting down with Mason…his father, filtered into his head. It had gone much differently than he’d ever pictured that conversation going. Not that, before a few days ago, he’d ever given much thought to having a sit-down like that.

During Kai’s twenty-three years on this earth, it had just never even entered his head that there was even a possibility that the man who’d raised him, wasn’t related to him. But who would ever think that? As children, you’re told a fact and you cling to it. Your parents are your parents. Your family is your family. It’s pretty much the foundation upon which most lives are based. Having that yanked away…Kai almost felt like one of those people you heard about on TV, the ones who find out late in their life that they were adopted, and that the family they’d assumed their whole life was theirs, wasn’t.

As Kai opened the door to Jessie’s bedroom, he had a brief moment of sadness wash over him. He almost wished that that was the case for him, for everyone involved. As he stepped through the door, he thought over Mason describing Kai’s mother; he obviously had loved her deeply, maybe he still did. Kai thought over the man who’d raised him, the heartbreaking divorce that had split his family in half; it had obviously shattered Nathan too. Kai even thought over his mother – torn between two loves and losing them both. All in all…if he’d found out that he was adopted, it definitely would have been a lot less painful, for a lot more people.

Kai’s creation had sort of cleaved a path of destruction through many lives. Kai paused as he shut the door behind him. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the whole thing. Staring at the sleeping form of Jessie lying in bed, clutching Kai’s pillow to her chest like she was clutching him, he smiled…and let it go. Whatever torment his existence had created wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to be born, nobody did, and he in no way could have altered the way he was conceived. Not even his parents could have altered that, not without altering him.

Any changes to his parents’ past would have resulted in a different child being born into the world, not Kai. Anything modified anywhere, would have led to a future that did not have Kai being in this bedroom, listening to his heart quicken as he watched Jessie lightly breathe through her barely parted lips. And at this moment, Kai liked where he was…loved it even.

A soft smile was on his lips as he climbed into the bed behind her. Wrapping his arms around her tight, he buried his head in her shoulder. Inhaling the calming sense of her, the loose strands of her curls tickling his cheeks, he laced his fingers through hers. She stirred under his touch, pushing her back into him, almost like she wished they were closer.

“Hey, did your dad leave?” she asked sleepily.

Kai exhaled softly, bringing his mouth up to kiss her ear. “Mason left, yes.”

She stretched the sleep out of her body and twisted her head to look back at him. Unlacing their hands, she wrapped her fingers around to touch his cheek. “And how are you doing?”

Kai propped himself up on his elbow as he looked down on her; warm, compassionate eyes stared back up at him, just a hint of desire in the dark depths. Shaking his head at her never-ending concern and love, he moved her arm and twisted her around, so that she was on her back beside him. “I’m…fine, Jessie.”

She ran her fingers down his chest, unconsciously tracing the curve of his tattoo under his shirt. “You sure?”

He leaned down for a long, slow kiss, only answering her when he was satisfied. “Yes, I’m fine.” Kai sighed as he pulled away, his fingers brushing a stray strand off her cheek. “We should go see Gran though…she’s probably worried.”

Jessie sighed too, nodding as her arms laced around his neck, pulling him back to her lips. “Yeah, okay…in a minute,” she muttered between their mouths.

Kai chuckled but deepened their kiss, angling his head to feel more of her mouth on his. Between the softness of her lips, the teasing flick of her tongue, Kai began to wonder if he’d ever get used to making love to her. He didn’t think so. The fire she ignited in him, even with just a simple swish of her hips when she walked past him, was beyond anything he’d ever felt before. Every time with her felt like the first time. He wasn’t sure if that was because of the intense level of love he felt for her, or because he’d been so sure that he’d never freely get her. As he lost himself to her soft moans and pleas for more, his hands running over the wondrous curves of her body, he thought that maybe that was one mystery that he could be content with never knowing the answer to.

When they finally drug themselves out of Jessie’s bed and out of her front door, Kai found himself actually blinking a bit in the bright light of day. Chuckling, he thought that maybe they’d been sequestering themselves a bit too much in Jessie’s relatively dark bedroom. As he turned to watch Jessie shade her eyes from the sun, he thought she might be thinking the same thing.

Smiling warmly, Jessie grabbed his hand and walked with him to her truck. As she started it, butterflies started to come to life in Kai’s belly. Speaking with his newfound father was one thing, he’d only just met the man, but speaking with his grandmother, the woman who had loved him his entire life, even knowing that she had no biological reason to, was making Kai anxious. He wiped his palms on his jeans, for once quite warm.

Without a word, Jessie placed her hand over his; it was cool, she was calm. Kai clenched it back, grateful for the strength that just her presence gave him. She nodded at him and he nodded back, neither one needing to verbalize the moment.

Kai wondered what he would say to the woman he’d known only as Grandma his entire life. But he wasn’t a grandson to her. He was nothing to her really, just her son’s ex-wife’s bastard baby. He could definitely see why Gran did not like his mom. Regardless of the torturous situation Kai’s mother had found herself in, ultimately she’d hurt Gran’s son. As a mother, that level of betrayal was probably unforgivable.

Kai was absorbed in these thoughts as Jessie made her way through the frozen streets of Denver. He was really only distracted by these thoughts when the squeals of sirens and the flashing of swirling lights broke him out of them. Jessie pulled over as a fire truck and a police car raced passed her, the speed of the vehicles making her truck shake. She looked over at Kai, her face showing concern for whatever poor soul needed such assistance on this chilly day.

Kai glanced over at her and then back to watch the rescue vehicles. As Jessie pulled back into traffic, he watched the mammoth fire engine pull into a disastrously familiar street. “Jessie,” he whispered, ice flooding his veins.

He heard her gasp, but couldn’t pull his gaze from the disappearing end of the police car to look. As Jessie’s truck surged ahead though, he knew that she knew. He knew that she’d pieced it together just as quickly as he had. The poor soul needing assistance today lived on their grandmother’s street. Their grandmother was old, frail, even if she pretended not to be. She’d already suffered from a painful fracture just a few months ago. What if she’d fallen again? What if she was really hurt? What if…?

Jessie’s truck slid out as she took the right angle to Gran’s street way too fast. Kai grabbed the “oh, shit” handle above the door, but didn’t say anything about her fishtailing around the corner. His throat was too locked up with fear to say anything anyway. He didn’t know how he’d forgive himself if she had been lying in her home, hurt, while he’d been…busy with Jessie.

As Jessie slid to a stop as close to Gran’s house as she could get, Kai thought that the entire neighborhood had come out to watch the spectacle. His heart racing, Kai couldn’t even see much of what was going on. The fire truck that had breezed past them was angled along the side of the road, partially blocking traffic as it rested beside the parked cars. The police car had parked sideways, helping to keep back the flood of curious bystanders. As Kai and Jessie raced through the crowd on the sidewalk, trying to understand what was going on, the whine of an ambulance siren cut through the air.

Dread filling him, Kai watched the lights as they flashed in a repeated circular pattern. The vehicle slowed as it approached Gran’s house, the people and vehicles on the road impeding its progress. Kai wanted to shout at the mob to move, to give the medics space, but at that moment, the ambulance siren went dead, the lights shut off.

Kai shoved his way through the crowd then. Something about the ambulance halting its urgent wails signaled doom to Kai. If they were no longer in a hurry to save the person inside…then it was only because…they were too late.

Shoving his way through the mobs created a stir that didn’t go unnoticed. By the time he got to the squad car, the wave of people around him were irritated. Kai was sputtering something about letting him pass, he needed to pass, but it was the uniformed officer grabbing his shoulders that focused his attention on anything other than where Gran was.

Holding him tightly, the officer informed him that he needed to wait on this side of the squad car. Shaking his head at the man, Kai heard himself say, “Please let me go through…that’s my grandmother’s house.”

The cop looked him over, then past Kai to Jessie, who had caught up to him and grabbed his hand. She was no longer calm, her palm feeling as clammy as his own, but Kai held her as if she were the only real thing near him. Nodding at the both of them, his face serious but solemn, the police officer indicated that they could pass under the hastily strung yellow tape line that someone had put up.

Ducking underneath it, Kai’s heart pounding so hard he thought he might need a medic’s attention soon, he started looking around for the silver haired woman that had never given up on him. “Kai…” He heard Jessie’s panicked voice beside him as he looked around the chaotic area, but all he could focus on was finding the hurt person that was causing this circus of confusion.

He ignored a pair of firemen who seemed to be looking around as well, maybe hoping an inferno would blaze to life somewhere, and focused his attention on the late arriving medics. Pulling Jessie’s hand, he started walking towards one of them talking with what looked like the head fireman. Kai started breathing heavily as he approached the pair. He couldn’t imagine her gone…when had he seen her last? Had he told her that he loved her?

Kai stepped up to the men, walking into a conversation he wished he’d never walked into.

“Elderly woman. Dead on arrival. Nothing we could do for her. We’ve started interviewing some of the neighbors, but it seems that she had a heart attack.”

Kai put a hand over his mouth, feeling like his stomach was going to come up through it, Jessie beside him started to sob. Tears stinging his own eyes, he forced his voice to break free from his throat. “I’m sorry…did you say…?”

He felt the tears spill down his cheeks, but did nothing to wipe them away. His heart deadening as the burly men looked him over, he noticed something behind them that made his entire world stop spinning. Another fireman and the other medic were wheeling a stretcher out of Gran’s front door. The EMT was shaking his head sadly and zipping up a bag over the body. It was a black bag.

Kai’s voice choked up completely as - straight out of a really bad dramatic scene in a movie - the stretcher was wheeled right past Kai and Jessie; the only thing missing was a poorly secured hand flopping down out of the bag right in front of them. Jessie’s sobs increased, but Kai could only gape in stunned disbelief. She can’t be dead. They had too much to tell her. He had too many questions. He wanted to know why she’d hidden the truth, why she hadn’t told him who he was the minute he’d arrived here. He wanted to tell her about his feelings for Jessie.

He wanted…  He needed…

Disgust at his own selfishness filled him. The world had just lost an amazing woman. Jessie had just lost her last relative in the city. His father, the man who’d raised him, had just lost his mother. And Millie Harper, the woman so filled with life and vitality that it was hard to picture her any other way, would never get to see another sunrise, would never get to play matchmaker for another grandchild, and would never get to see the tomatoes she’d just planted in her greenhouse come to fruition.

And they’d said heart attack. Was that because of him? Did he do this? Did he cause her so much stress and worry that her aged heart could no longer handle it? Was all of this…his fault? God…why didn’t he call her…?

As Jessie twisted in his arms to sob into his chest, his arms wrapped around her, clutching her tight. This couldn’t be happening. How did he go from so incredibly happy that he and Jessie could be together, to so incredibly sad that he was sobbing right along with Jessie…in just a couple hours?

The men offered their condolences for the loss they obviously saw before them, and a warm hand rested on Kai’s shoulder. The hand patted him consolingly as a familiar voice behind him said, “Sad, isn’t it?”

Kai and Jessie broke apart at the same time and looked over at the person speaking. Kai felt all of the blood drain from his face as what had to be a ghost stood in front of him. Favoring her tender hip as she sadly looked at the ambulance doors that were ominously closing, Millie Harper stood before Kai.

Sighing as she shook her head, her silver hair pulled up into a loose bun, she calmly looked back at him and said, “She came over for tea, then boom…dead.” Her gray brows bunched together as her wrinkled lips pursed. Her warm, alive eyes flicked back to the ambulance that had started pulling away. “Gosh…I hope it wasn’t the tea…”

Kai and Jessie’s arms slackened from around the other, as he looked from the woman he’d sworn was dead to the ambulance obviously holding someone else, and then back to his grandmother. His eyes took in her handmade Christmas sweater, her khaki slacks, her slippered feet, the slight dirt under her nails from her endless plant pampering… He’d been so sure that she was gone that seeing her alive before him almost didn’t seem real.

She smiled warmly as she embraced him. “Kai, I’m so glad you are okay.” Her gaze turned sympathetic as she looked at him. He could still only gape, not even able to return her hug.

Jessie finally found her voice. “Grams? We thought…” She dropped Kai and grabbed her grandmother, knocking the woman back a step.

Confused, the older Harper stroked her back. “Jessica, dear, what is the…?” Her voice trailed off as her eyes followed the leaving ambulance. “Oh, did you two think…?”

Kai’s eyes overflowed with tears as he nodded. “We thought you…had a heart attack.” Kai stepped into her, enclosing his arms around her and Jessie.

His grandmother, by nurture if not nature, shushed them both, patting their backs. “Oh, no, sweethearts, that wasn’t me. My ticker is just fine.” Kai and Jessie pulled back to take her in, still surprised that she was a living, breathing person. She smiled warmly, brushing dry one child’s cheek, then the other. Cocking an eyebrow, she said, “It will take more than a leisurely cup of tea to end this old girl. I plan on going out in a blaze of glory…sky diving or something.”

Kai shook his head and inadvertently chuckled at her. Grudgingly releasing the woman, so they didn’t accidently crush her to death, Jessie laughed softly and dried her eyes. “Who was that then?”

Their grandmother sighed and looked across her lawn, to the neighbor that had helped Kai out on his first visit to Gran’s house. “Betty…my neighbor.” Shaking her head as she sighed again, her eyes came back to Kai’s. “She was centuries old…and really didn’t take very good care of herself. But, she was sweet, in a nosey sort of way.”

She paused a moment, seemingly reflecting over the loss of life that had taken place in her home. Then her face brightened as she twisted to look at Kai. “While I’ll miss that old broad, I can’t help but think that her home was a rental, and will probably need a new tenant now.” She smiled warmly at Kai. “You could move out of your tiny little apartment, dear. You could be my neighbor…if you’re staying, that is.” She raised her eyebrows inquisitively, waiting for his answer.

Kai laughed lightly at her finding a silver lining in all of this. Then he sighed at the look of hope on his grandmother’s face. She was hoping that he’d choose to stay, even knowing what he knew now. His relief that she was alive evaporated his earlier nerves about sitting down and talking with her.

Rubbing her shoulder, he told her, “Well, about that, Gran…” He glanced over at Jessie, grabbing her hand. “Jessie and I have some things we should talk to you about.”

************

Millie watched the fire engine pull away from her house, the last lingering ambulance watchers starting to disperse, and thought about her chaotic morning. First, Kai’s natural father had called her in a seeming panic, anxious to know if Millie might have any idea where to find Kai. Not having been aware that he’d spoken with Kai, that Kai now knew the truth, Millie had been shocked, and started to panic a little herself. But then she remembered Kai and Jessica Marie’s obvious fondness for each other. If he was anywhere in the city, he would be with her, she’d been sure.

And so, Millie had found herself doing something that she’d never in a million years thought she’d be doing. She’d comforted the man that had split up her son’s marriage. She assured him that Kai was most likely with his cousin. Millie had always told Jessica that Kai was going to need their support. She was sure the girl hadn’t understood why at the time, but she was equally sure that the natural caregiver in Jessica had been taking very good care of him.

Mason had seemed to relax with that statement, but it was obvious to Millie that he was going over there, that he was going to go speak with his son. Millie wanted to speak with Kai too, but decided to let the man say his peace first. She supposed there were quite a few words the father and son needed to have with each other.

Not having been able to get back to sleep after his phone call, Millie had tinkered around her home before shuffling out to her garden. On the way back indoors, her kindly neighbor had spotted her and invited herself over for tea. Millie was used to the curious woman, and didn’t mind the intrusion or the company. Besides, Betty had been the one to call an ambulance for Millie when she’d had her little tumble, so Millie felt that a little neighborly generosity was in order. It gave her yet another opportunity to brag about her grandchildren anyway.

She’d been reminiscing about Kai, hoping that his heart wasn’t too broken, when the woman had dropped her tea cup mid-sip and fallen out of her chair. Millie had rushed to her side and done all she could think of to help, but once poor Betty’s heart had stopped beating, it had refused to start again.

Twisting around, she tore her attention away from the large window framing an empty bird feeder. While she felt sad that her nosey neighbor wouldn’t be commenting on the beauty of the various birds that were attracted to Millie’s home anymore, she did hope that Kai took her up on her offer. She’d love to have the boy closer.

On the couch behind her, Jessica Marie and Kai were sitting close together, holding hands. Millie was warmed to see that the revelation of Kai’s paternity had seemed to pull the pair closer, instead of driving a wedge between them. Indeed, they seemed quite cozy as they watched her with awe on their faces; Kai even seemed to be stroking the back of Jessica’s hand with his thumb. For just a second, it reminded Millie of how her husband used to touch her.

Millie had repeated the story of what had happened to Betty about three times, but her grandchildren still seemed to be reeling from the incident. Millie tried to not be offended that they both thought her so old and frail that the idea of her just keeling over in her home wasn’t an outlandish one. She herself didn’t feel like she was walking around with one foot in the grave. But, she supposed that all youth looked upon the elderly like they were time bombs, waiting to go off at any given moment.

Smiling at the thought, she sat in her favorite comfortable chair opposite the two. Her hip ached, as it had started doing once the weather had turned truly chilly, but she ignored it, and didn’t let the slight pain show in her features. All she let show was the concern she had for Kai. Scrunching her brow, she placed her hand on his knee. “Are you sure you’re alright, dear?”

Millie watched the teal eyes shift over to Jessica before coming back to her. He smiled slightly, although Millie thought she could see the weariness behind it. He may have come to some sort of terms with the new facts in his life, but they’d been hard earned, and had left their marks.  “I’m fine, Gran.” He tilted his head and then shook it. “Do I still call you that?”

She swatted his knee just as she would have swatted his bottom when he was a toddler. “Of course you do. Who fathered you does not change the fact that we are a family.” Millie’s eyes shifted from Kai to take in Jessica as well. “We are all still family.”

Jessica bit her lip and she and Kai locked gazes. Millie watched their odd, silent conversation, wondering what was not verbally being said in the room. Millie couldn’t be sure, but she suddenly felt like there was a piece of the puzzle that she wasn’t seeing. Just as she was going to ask what was going on, Kai cleared his throat and twisted to look back at her.

“Um…Gran.” He worried his lip for a moment and Millie thought he looked a little…perplexed as to how to put his thoughts into words. “I…we,” his free hand swished back to indicate Jessica while their clutched together hand lifted, “we’ve sort of decided to…not be family.”

Millie bunched her brows, deeply confused. Why would two people that only had warm things to say about each other, choose to sever their familial ties? Not that she would let them. If Kai was staying in Denver, then Millie would make it the remainder of her life’s mission to see them closely bonded again. Regardless of whether or not they were family by blood or family by association, family didn’t just abandon family. “You can’t just…decide something like that. You are family, Kai, regardless of what your blood says. You can’t just choose to not be…connected anymore.”

Kai smiled at her, then ran his hand back through his hair. “Well, um, we actually are still going to be connected, Gran, but just not in a cousinly sort of way.”

Millie shook her head, still not understanding, then Jessica Marie laughed lightly and looped her arms around Kai’s body. Snuggling into his side, she looked up at Mille. “What he’s trying to say, is that we’re dating, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.” She shrugged, smiling brightly. “We’re in love with each other.”

Jessica Marie looked up at Kai then, as he twisted to look down at her, and Millie saw a look pass between them that suddenly filled in all of the pieces for her. The puzzle now clear, she could easily see the love shifting between the young couple before her. They were in love, and from the looks of things, they loved each other on a level that rivaled her and her late husband’s. As Millie watched them lightly kiss in front of her, she wondered when exactly that had happened.

“Oh…I see,” she whispered, removing her hand from Kai’s knee.

Kai and Jessica pulled their love-filled gazes from each other, bringing their attention back to her. Millie wasn’t sure if her face was pale, although she certainly felt that way. She wasn’t a prudish woman, by any means, but it was a little difficult to go from seeing them as loving cousins, to seeing them as a loving couple.

While she struggled with something profound to say, Kai’s eyes narrowed in concern. “Are you…okay with that?” His eyes flicked over her body like she might instantly have that heart attack that would send her off in a body bag to match poor Betty’s.

Irritated at the idea that they thought her so weak, Millie snorted. They both satisfactorily raised their eyebrows. “Well, of course I’m fine with it. Love is always a good thing.” She raised her own eyebrow. “The world could use more of it.” They both smiled and glanced at each other. Millie sighed at the feelings that she’d completely missed between them. Shaking her head, she told them, “I will need a minute to adjust to the idea…but Kai isn’t blood, so, I guess, I’ll get there.”

Kai looked back at her, placing his hand on her knee now.  “Thank you, for understanding.”

She sighed and rested back on the pillows. Jessica relaxed even more into Kai’s side. Her granddaughter appeared to be happier than Millie had ever seen her, Kai too for that matter. And isn’t that what she’d always wanted for them, happiness? Smiling, she patted his hand on her knee.

Wondering if Kai’s acceptance of his true father’s identity had more to do with his love for Jessica than anything else, she tilted her head at him. “Do you understand, Kai?” He shook his head at her and she added, “Why I could never tell you? Why I never wanted you to know…about your real father?”

Kai’s smile dropped as his gaze lowered to the carpet. “No, not really.” He peeked back up at her. “Why would you hide the truth from me?”

Millie sighed as she adjusted her sore hip. “I suppose I was trying to protect you. In my head, Nathan will always be your father. I only saw that knowing the truth would give you pain.” Her lips twisted into a wry smile as she watched Jessica Marie’s eyes drift over Kai’s face. “I certainly never saw the benefit of you discovering it.”

Kai chuckled and peeked up at Jessica, and then Millie. “I suppose I can understand that. I just wish…the news had come from someone I knew.” He sighed, then shook his head. “I think that would have been an easier way to hear it.”

Millie grabbed his cool hand with both of hers. Feeling the smoothness of his dark skin under her gnarled fingers, she leaned in so that her small frame was as close to Kai’s as she could get it. Pressing her lips into a firm line, she matter-of-factly said, “I will never keep anything from you again.”

Kai nodded then reached over and wrapped his arms around her body. As she hugged the child that fate had given her, Millie considered him becoming a member of the family through marriage. She always had adored him, and while it was still a little odd to think of him with Jessica Marie, the woman she still wanted to refer to as his cousin, Millie had to admit that they did complement each other remarkably well. So well in fact, that if Millie could have invented an ideal partner for the other, she would have invented Kai for Jessica, and Jessica for Kai.

She smiled as she gently patted Kai’s back, happy that at least one thing had worked out well in this awful situation. So many lives had been hurt by the deceit that it was warming to know that at least one aspect of her family’s life was a little better because the truth had finally been revealed.

As she hugged her potential grandson-in-law tight, she murmured into his ear, “You’ll always be family to me, Kai. I love you.”

As he squeezed her back just as tight, she heard him respond with, “Blood or not, I love you too.”

Sniffling like an old semimetal fool, Millie pulled away from him. She knew that Kai was handling the news much better than she’d believed he would. She also knew that he would have his good moments and his bad moments. Learning something hard about your family was never an easy thing, especially when the family in question was your parents. Children tend to idolize them, place them on slim-footed pedestals that are so easy to fall from. Learning that they are fallible human beings, just like everyone else, can be crushing. While Jessica Marie had taken care of Kai in a way that Millie hadn’t anticipated, she was immensely grateful that the caring woman had. Millie was certain that Jessica’s presence was the reason for Kai’s acceptance.

Smiling brightly at the pair of beloved people before her, she pushed away from the couch to gingerly stand up. “Well, since I seem to be such a frail, near-death woman to the both of you, how about you stay and make sure I eat something.” She smirked at Kai as he stood and offered her his elbow for support. “You wouldn’t want me plopping over from malnutrition, now would you?”

Kai nodded, his face quite serious until he broke out into a soft laugh. Millie chuckled herself, patted his arm in thanks, and looked down at her seated granddaughter. Shaking her head, she sighed, “I suppose I’ll have to stop trying to set you both up with people?”

Jessica Marie stood as well, offering Millie her arm. Raising one corner of her lip, she sullenly replied with, “Please do. I don’t need any more Simons calling me up twenty-four seven.”

Millie laughed softly as she pulled her children into the kitchen so they could all have a late lunch together. As Kai led the way, he looked back at Jessica with a small frown on his face. “Who’s Simon?”

Millie looked back at Jessica, sharing a moment of secret knowledge with the younger woman. Jessica’s eyes twinkling, she smiled coyly back at Kai. “No one important, sweetheart.”

Millie shook her head at the loving nickname and wondered again how she’d missed the signs. They were so easy to see now, as the two of them paraded her off to have a seat at her hard kitchen table. Kai gave Jessica loving looks as he went about preparing a meal that Mille herself had taught him to make. Jessica Marie gave him light touches and brief kisses as she rinsed off some lettuce for the salad. Millie supposed that she’d just glossed over the affection as a brotherly/sisterly bond, but it was clearly so much more than that. It pleased her that even at her age, life could still surprise her.

And of course, that was what made every day worth getting up to see.

Chapter   25

Aloha

Kai stretched back in his padded seat and sipped the remainder of his champagne. The roar of engine noise was faint to his ears as he reclined back as far as the seat could go. Kai had never flown first class before, but as the meticulously put together woman walking down the aisle stopped, took his glass, and asked him and Jessie if they needed a refill on their drinks, he thought he may never fly any other way again.

Smiling, he shook his head at the stewardess. “Alright, let me know if you do need anything.” Her voice was bubbly and bright as she fluffed his pillow before stepping off to help another passenger.

Kai’s eyes drifted to the windows that had been behind her. All he could see out of the tiny ovals were swatches of wispy, white clouds, but he knew that below the cloudbank they were quickly approaching his hometown, his home island.

Jessie squirmed excitedly beside him, her eyes glued on the cabin window immediately to her right. Kai smiled at her enthusiasm. She was just as eager to see the ocean as he’d been anxious to see the snow. It was something that was remarkably odd to both of them, since he’d lived all his life near the water and she’d lived all of hers near the mountains. Kai loved that he could give this experience to her, even if landing back home was filling him with dread.

He wasn’t worried about his parents accepting his relationship with Jessie. After Gran had more or less accepted them, his stress on the matter had eased considerably. Besides, after what they had both done to him, and each other, did they really have any room to talk on the subject of love? As far as Kai was concerned, they really didn’t have a say about him dating the person they would probably always see as a family member. Especially his father. He would always view Jessie as family, since he was her legitimate uncle. There was no getting around that one.

But, no, Kai had come to terms with that situation. What was tightening his stomach, sizzling his nerves, was the thought of confronting them on the lie that had permeated so much of his childhood. His rational head understood the reasons why he had been kept in the dark, but his heart was screaming and protesting, yelling at the top of its loud, thumping voice that he’d been betrayed, betrayed by the people who were supposed to be his rock.

He hated that his body was in such disagreement. That wasn’t his style. He saw facts and made a logical conclusion from those facts. That was how he worked his job. That was how he had tried to live his life. If he’d come across this situation in the wild, say, a gorilla female had duped a strong male into accepting her child as his own, he would have been awed by the miraculous ingenuity and perseverance of mother nature. But, when the subjects in question are human…when they’re you…the detachment of science goes right out the window, leaving only emotion and pain.

As Kai’s clammy fingers tightened on the leather seat, he marveled over the fact that Mason had secured these tickets for him. When Kai had gone back to Jessie’s home after visiting with their grandmother, there had been a message on her machine from Mason, leaving the details of their flight.

Not only had he arranged for them to leave the very next day, but he’d booked them first class. It made Kai smile that they were roundtrip tickets. It made him surprisingly happy that his father wanted him to stick around. He’d been so sure that the man hadn’t liked him that it was still sort of a shock that Mason might actually love him. That still blew Kai’s mind. He wasn’t sure if he felt love for the man in return, he was still practically a stranger to Kai, but he was willing to give him a chance. He was willing to get to know him. It seemed like the least that Kai could do in all of this.

Kai exhaled slowly and steadily as the cloud cover broke and the dark blue depth of the Pacific Ocean hit his vision. He knew that before too long those near-black waters would shift to a bluish-greenish color that sort of matched his eyes. Then he’d be back at home. Mason had also told him in his message that he’d spoken with Kai’s mother. She was meeting them at the airport.

Jessie beside him squealed and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. His stress relieving exhale turned into a light laugh. She was so excited about arriving that it took away a great deal of his tension. When her face turned back to his, her wide, chocolate eyes were nearly glowing in their delight. She giggled and bit her lip, but her smile faltered as she looked over his face.

Her eyes flicking between his, she softly said, “Hey, you okay?”

Kai forced the smile back to his face but her frown only deepened; clearly she saw right through it. He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t keep his emotions from her anyway. She knew too much, she knew him too well. Shaking his head, he shrugged. “I’m just…a little nervous about this.”

Her hands squeezed his tight as she leaned in and placed a light kiss on his lips. “I know.” Pulling back, she gave him those smoky eyes that quickened his heart. “I’m here.” Smiling, Kai leaned in for another kiss.

Reveling in the light, languid sensation, he peeked out the window over her shoulder. Seeing something he knew would interest her, he pulled apart from her mouth. “Hey,” he whispered, nodding towards the window. Her eyes burning like she no longer cared about any view that wasn’t him, she leaned back in to find his lips. Laughing, he kissed her lightly then muttered, “Jess, you’re missing it.”

“No, I’m not,” she mumbled huskily.

He laughed again, then forcibly turned her head away from him. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he looked out the window with her. Out of the corner of his eye he watched her mouth fall open as she gasped. “God, Kai…how could you ever leave this place?”

Kai returned his full vision to the view that was stealing her breath. They were still a ways away, but the closest island in the string of islands that collectively made up the State of Hawaii, was quickly growing larger and larger in the glass pane. Kai smiled at the innate beauty of his home. Green was the first thing you noticed. It was green in a way that most places weren’t anymore, green with the lush life of jungle vegetation. Fog ringed the taller mountain peaks, mere hills compared to the mountains of Colorado, and the blue-green water endlessly lapped against the white-sand beaches.

It really was, as Jessie was constantly telling him, paradise. For a moment, Kai’s exhale was a soft sigh of contentment. True, he was coming home to a bittersweet reunion, but he was still coming home, and a part of him had really missed it.

Jessie’s face was glued to the window as they finally started their descent. She giggled as she watched the emerald island gems grow and expand, until the only thing visible in the window was the lushness of life. As the more urban areas drew near, she finally turned back to him. “We’re here!”

Kai nodded as he felt the plane lower. Yes, they were here and his parents were waiting for them.  Smiling at Jessie, Kai clenched her hand as the plane lowered, lightly bumped the pavement of the runway, and then screeched to a stop. He was immensely happy that she’d been able to make this little trip. She hadn’t been positive at first, since she’d called in sick to work so many times already this week. But the last phone call she’d made had ended with them telling her to just take the rest of the week off. Apparently, no one in the clinic wanted her around, just in case what she was suffering from was a deadly contagion - the Ebola virus or something.

So Kai had her until Monday…and he was really happy about it.

The plane disembarked, first class exiting, well, first, and Kai clenched her hand even harder. He’d never imagined that seeing his parents would ever cause him so much stress. But he supposed that was part of the problem – they weren’t his parents. At least his dad wasn’t, and his mom…she sort of felt like a stranger after all he’d learned about her.

A beautiful Hawaiian girl greeted them as they exited the plane. She gave them the standard “aloha” greeting and draped a couple of leis over their necks. Jessie smiled warmly at her and giggled as she fingered her flowers. Her clear delight momentarily flooding his discomfort, Kai thanked the greeter with a quick “mahalo” before pulling Jessie towards the waiting area.

He wanted to whisper in Jessie’s ear that she’d just been leid in public, but at that moment, his eyes locked onto a pair of people that he’d known very well at one time in his life. He instinctually straightened up as he locked gazes with first his father and then his mother. They’d surprisingly come together; they generally avoided that outside of work, and Kai knew exactly why now.

Jessie stopped laughing when she felt his stance change and twisted to look at what had his attention. “What is it, Kai? Are your parents here?”

Kai sighed, not sure how to answer that anymore. Knowing what she meant though, he only said, “Yeah.”

His feet feeling encased in cement, he trudged over to the people who had shaped his formative years. Stopping well before them, he nodded politely. It surprised him a little that he managed to make even that tiny move; his entire body felt like one rigid, immobile piece. “Mother…Nathan.” Kai noted the chill in his own voice, but he couldn’t do anything to alter it. They had sent him thousands of miles away, to have someone else tell him that his entire life had been a lie. Kai was feeling a little bitter about it.

His mother began to cry once she heard his tone. Kai’s eyes drifted to the dark haired woman, her deep skin color an identical match to his own. Her nearly black eyes were flooded with tears building and tears falling. The sight cracked Kai’s resolve, the edge to his bitterness dulling. Regardless of what they’d done, he had no desire to hurt them. They were his family.

Nathan Harper, the man Kai used to think of as his father, cleared his throat. Kai’s eyes very reluctantly swung to meet his. There was so much of Jessie in the color of his eyes that a lump formed a lodge in Kai’s throat that was impossible to swallow away. He watched those deep brown eyes water and felt his own sting in response. He’d loved this man so much, his entire life.

The aged, worn face looking back at him was familiar and calming. It reminded Kai of everything he’d wanted to be when he grew up – strong like his dad, smart like his dad, adventuresome and funny like his dad. While Kai’s hair was pitch-black like his mother’s, and his skin was as deeply tanned as hers, when Kai as a child had envisioned himself as a man, he’d always had his dad’s sandy hair and pale skin. He’d always seen himself as a spitting image of Nathan Harper. Was any of that because he’d believed they shared the same DNA, or was all of that because what they’d shared was an immense, impenetrable love for one another? Kai had to believe that it was love.

As his father struggled with words, Kai found his. “Dad?” he whispered.

Kai had never seen his father cry before – truly cry - not until today. Nodding as the tears streamed down his face, he stepped up to Kai and engulfed him in a tight embrace. Kai’s own tears unstoppable, he hugged him back just a fiercely. Love. DNA. Family. Between a parent and a child, genetics wasn’t what fueled the love. While Nathan may not technically be his father…he was love, and love made him family.

“I’m sorry, Kai. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. I’m so sorry, son.”

That was repeated over and over into Kai’s ear, until Kai heard himself responding with, “It’s okay, Dad. It’s alright, I forgive you.”

Finally pulling back from his father, both of them wiping their eyes, Kai looked over at his mother. “I forgive both of you.” He shook his head at her and shrugged.

How do you hate someone for loving you so much, that they’d do anything to keep you from feeling pain? That’s all his mother had ever done for him; tried to shelter him from the approaching pain of the truth. As the tiny woman attacked him, sobbing apologies into his shoulder, Kai found that he couldn’t even hate them for sending him to Mason. True, hearing it from them would have been better, would have been easier, but the outcome would have been the same.

Plus, Kai had gotten a lot of practice recently at understanding regret. After everything that had happened between him and Jessie, when they’d both believed that they were blood-related, he’d come to regret a lot of things that he’d done. He understood that his parents were most likely beating themselves up every chance they got over the way they’d chosen to break the news to him.  He wouldn’t add to their grief by torturing them about their decision. But he did intend to sit down and talk with them about it. Much like with Mason and his grandmother, Kai wanted to understand. He wanted to know them, as people, not the infallible parents that he’d believed them to be. He knew that they had both made mistakes with him and with each other. Kai wanted to sit down and discuss that with them, but first, he wanted to introduce them to his girlfriend.

Peeling his mother off of him, he moved over to where Jessie had stepped back and was watching the exchange from a respectable distance. She was drying her cheeks and Kai warmly shook his head at her. She shrugged and sniffled; that emotional display had gotten to her. He loved that it had. She had such a good heart and he wanted to show it to his parents. He wanted them to be okay with who she was. And after everything that they’d done to him, really, it was the least that they could do.

Exhaling slowly, he grabbed both of her hands and then slung his arm around her waist. That intimate move got both of his parent’s attention and they turned to look at Jessie with raised eyebrows. Kai watched Jessie flush and felt her squeeze his waist tighter. Looking down on her, Kai quietly told his parents, “Mom…Dad…this is my best friend, the love of my life…my girlfriend, Jessica Marie Harper.”

Even though the busy airport was bustling with holiday travelers, Kai swore he could have heard a pin drop at that moment. Peeking up at them, he nearly laughed at the comically slack jawed faces. They knew that name, same as he had known that name. His mother appeared beyond surprised at the revelation, and his father had paled considerably watching them. Since he and Jessie actually were blood related, it had to be a little shocking for him to see Kai with his arm around his niece.

Kai and Jessie gave them another quiet moment to absorb, then Jessie stuck her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you, Leilani.” Kai’s mother loosely took the hand offered and shook it. After that, Jessie waved at Kai’s still openmouthed dad. “Hi, Uncle Nate, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

That phrase seemed to snap everyone out of it and both parents twisted to Kai. “You can’t date her, Kai,” his mother and father said almost jointly.

Kai smiled and let them voice their concerns for a few minutes. When they both seemed flushed, but done, he merely said, “We’re not related. We can date…and we are going to.” He smiled down at Jessie as she rubbed soft circles into his back. “I love her and I’m not spending another day without her.” Looking back up at his parents, he raised an eyebrow. “Is that going to be a problem between us?”

They both shut their mouths and their objections. Kai knew that there was nothing they could say to him anyway, not with what they had done in their pasts. He smiled softly and kissed Jessie’s head. Neither parent saying anything else condemning on the subject, Kai looked down on Jessie. “Come on, I want to show you my hometown.”

She nodded eagerly, biting her lip, then leaned up and kissed him. Kai thought he heard his father sigh, but he ignored him. He ignored everything but the warm woman under his lips. That was enough. She was enough.

***********

After a short flight from the main airport to the smaller airport on Kai’s home island, Kai and Jessie were alone in a car with the man that Kai had believed was his father his entire life. Jessie looked over at her uncle as they drove along in complete silence. She hadn’t ever met the man before, but the resemblance to her was there. Jessie squeezed Kai’s hand as they sat together in the back seat. Before he’d known the truth, Kai had probably had a hard time looking at Jessie without seeing shades of his father in her countenance.

Kai squeezed her hand back but didn’t look at her. His eyes were locked on his father’s back, both men looked contemplative. With Leilani following in the car behind, the small group eventually made it to one of the two homes that Kai had been raised in. As his eyes took in the modest dwelling, the corners of his lips curved up. Jessie supposed that a part of him was happy to be back here, even if it was sort of painful.

Her uncle’s house was in a pretty secluded area, green life abundant all the way around it. The flat, black-roofed home had a barn behind it and Jessie remembered Kai telling her about horseback riding here with his dad. Jessie smiled that at least Kai had very good memories with her uncle; they hopefully outnumbered the few bad ones.

Stepping out of the car, the humid air immediately made her feel dewy. Kai stepped out after her, looking perfectly at ease in the environment. Walking around to her, Kai extended his hand. Jessie grabbed it, sidling up next to him. She noticed her uncle take in their closeness, but he didn’t comment on it. Jessie was glad he chose not to, she really didn’t want to create any tension in her family by loving Kai.

Leilani pulled up a few moments later and also glanced at Jessie and Kai. She only smiled though and helped Jessie get her bags out of the back of the car. Her uncle helped with Kai’s bags and between the four of them, they had their things situated in Kai’s old room pretty quickly.

Jessie noticed that while friendly, Kai’s parents were pretty distant from each other. It seemed pretty clear to her that any love between them had died the moment Uncle Nate had discovered the truth. It saddened her that they’d each had to experience such pain and loss, but she was still a little happy about the situation too. It was the only reason she and Kai could be together.

Leilani stayed for a quiet, peaceful supper, then reluctantly said her goodbyes for the evening. As she hugged Kai for about the fifth time, her face looked worn and sad. She seemed positive that if she left Kai alone with his father, Kai would feel differently about her the next time he saw her. Knowing Kai like she did, Jessie was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen.

Jessie yawned as she said her goodbyes to Leilani. When the door shut behind her, Kai squeezed Jessie’s waist. “Why don’t you go to bed…I’ll be there in a minute.”

Knowing that Kai was probably as jet-lagged as her, finally having adjusted to her time zone, she looked past him to her uncle. Nathan had his head down, obviously waiting to talk to his son in private. Switching back to Kai, she hugged him close. “I’m here when you need me.” He smiled and nodded, leaning down to kiss her.

Hoping the conversation between the two went well, Jessie shuffled off to Kai’s childhood room to get ready for bed. After changing and brushing her teeth, she curled into his twin bed, smiling at all the signs of a young Kai around the room. While it wasn’t a kids room anymore, there was evidence that it had been once – old stickers on the dressers, army men shoved in a gap between the window frame, a poster of a bikini clad Baywatch girl on the wall.

Smiling at the image of Kai as a boy, the scent of him around the room, Jessie closed her eyes and let the exhaustion flow into her. As she started fading, she heard low voices through the walls. Realizing that Kai and his dad must be right outside talking, Jessie fought through the fatigue to listen.

Kai’s voice broke through the stillness of the night. “Dad, why didn’t you just tell me? I mean, I can understand not wanting to when I was young, but I haven’t been young for awhile.” He paused for a second and Jessie shifted to face the direction of the open window. “Why send me to Mason?”

Uncle Nathan let out a long, tired sigh. “I tried to tell you, Kai. You have no idea how many times I stared at you as a child and tried to tell you.” He sighed again and paused long seconds before continuing. “But every time, the anger, betrayal…it all popped back up and I…I just couldn’t make the words come out.”

Jessie sat up, feeling sympathy for her uncle sweep over her. She supposed that none of this had been easy on him, and he’d been dealing with it for so long. He continued in a soft voice and Jessie tilted her head to hear him better. “After years of that, of not being able to talk to you like I wanted to…it ate at me. I knew I needed you to know.”

He paused again, and Jessie tried to picture having a conversation like this with her own father. She had trouble picturing it. “I figured, since I physically couldn’t tell you, and Leilani wouldn’t tell you…maybe he…maybe he could tell you?” Her uncle sighed heavily again. “Once I had that thought, it sort of consumed me, and then I needed it to be him that told you.”

Jessie looked down at the black and white sheets of Kai’s bed, torn for both of them, all of them really. Kai exhaled, not speaking for long moments. “I wish you had somehow found a way to tell me, Dad. It hurt so much to have a stranger do it.” Jessie closed her eyes, remembering how she’d found Kai. She’d never seen someone so shaken up.

Her uncle didn’t respond to that right away. “I’m so sorry, son. I was wrong. I promise you that I will never deceive you like that again.” Jessie smiled, relaxing back on Kai’s pillows. Maybe they’d all come out of this stronger. “I’m so…I’m so glad you still call me Dad.” Jessie smiled wider after hearing Uncle Nathan say those words.

Kai laughed a little, the sound lightening the emotion Jessie could feel pouring in from outside. “Of course I’ll still call you Dad…it’s who you are.”

Jessie heard the men shuffling, and imagined that they were hugging. “I love you, Kai.”

“I love you too, Dad.” Jessie started falling asleep with a smile on her face and tears on her cheeks, happy that even though the blood bond had been broken between them, the bond of love hadn’t been.

After that candid conversation, things between Kai and his father were less tension filled. Their relationship seemed to even out some, once the sting of deception and lack of communication started dulling. They often sat on the lanai after dinner, talking late into the night while Jessie crawled into Kai’s childhood bed. Before she fell asleep at night, she’d be comforted by the sounds of their reconnection. Through the walls she would listen to her uncle repeat his guilt and grief at not having had the strength to tell Kai himself. For his part, Kai was pretty sympathetic to the man’s feelings. When Jessie asked him about it, he told Jessie that it wasn’t his dad’s fault that he hadn’t been the one to create him, and he couldn’t imagine having to tell a child something that hard.

And after that first day, Kai’s parents, for the most part, accepted her and Kai’s relationship. Jessie had to believe that it was a little awkward for them, especially for her uncle. Being family naturally, there was a bond already in place between them, and he was having a little trouble seeing past the cousin connection, since Kai was as much a son to him as to any father. Jessie understood. Even for her, it was sort of weird to call Kai’s dad, Uncle. A part of her wanted to drop the familial term and just call him Nathan, but it was too ingrained in her head. It seemed to be in his too, since he always called her Jessica, and only Jessie’s family ever did that.

But he didn’t say anything negative about her and Kai being together, not even when he’d walked in on a pretty heavy make out session that they’d been having on his couch. No, instead of freaking out at the display, he’d only mumbled several apologies and hastily fled the room. Jessie tried to keep the PDA to a minimum after the incident. She really didn’t want to make Kai’s family, her family, uncomfortable, especially in their own homes.

On their final day in Hawaii, Kai took Jessie to a private beach that he loved, to do something with her that Jessie had been hoping he’d find time to do with her on this trip. Something she’d been dying to do since arriving here. Something she, in all honesty, had been waiting her entire life to do.

Sitting on a surfboard, Jessie floated in the relative calm of the Pacific Ocean. Being just behind the breakers, she stared over at the tumultuous waves crashing into the seemingly hard beach. She had no idea how people did this. She’d been attempting to successfully ride down one of those waves all morning. So far, she’d swallowed about a quarter of the ocean and hadn’t even successfully popped up on the board.

A wave of water splashing across her face tore her attention from the pounding surf. The sun beat on her back as the muggy air kept her in a state of warmth, despite the chill in the deep water. Brushing aside the droplets, Jessie looked over at Kai laughing at her. He’d spent the morning trying to teach her the basics on land, but not wanting to be shown up, since Kai had sort of succeeded at skiing, Jessie had insisted that they head out into the water.

Kai laughed harder at the look of irritancy on her face. The water drops gleamed in his slicked back hair and for a moment, Jessie couldn’t recall seeing anything more natural looking than Kai in the water. Shaking his head, he teased her with, “Not as easy as it looks, is it Mountain Girl?” He laughed again.

Jessie attempted to douse him with a tidal wave of water, but nearly fell off her floating board. Kai tilted his head toward the sand. “Come on, one more try then we’ll go in.”

Jessie sighed, but nodded. She could do one more try. Kai chuckled then started paddling away. Smiling as she watched the muscles expand and contract under that exotic skin, his dark as night tattoo matching the black shade of his board shorts, Jessie slowly started paddling out after him. Kai’s shouted some last minute instructions for her, then scanned the break for the wave he wanted. Seeing it, he took off after it. Jessie watched him effortlessly pop up on his board and duck over the top of the wave, hovering on the brink of going over. He held that position, his body gloriously tight as he used ever blessed muscle to steady himself, until the momentum of the wave dropped off and he slid over the end.

Wondering if she’d ever be able to do that, Jessie searched …for something. Shrugging, since she really had no idea what to look for, she paddled toward the endlessly cresting water. She balanced on her hands and prepared to jump her feet up. This was the part that usually had her flinging herself into the water. Holding her breath, she went for it. Surprise and shock hit her as she managed to get both feet on the board at the same time. She nearly fell off in her excitement, but managed to hold it together long enough to slip over what turned out to be a very gentle wave. Mimicking Kai’s body and position, she made minor adjustments to keep the board steady. She was expecting it to feel sort of like skiing, but it didn’t really. The only thing the two had in common to Jessie was the rush. That was the same.

She dived off the board at the end, when she finally felt herself start to fall, then grabbed her board and swam back to the shore. Kai was watching her, whistling a bit as he stood on the beach, one hand on his hip, the other on his board.

Jessie giggled as she ran up to him, excited that she’d actually done it. His eyes flicked down her bikini and she felt a different sort of excitement flush through her. Throwing an arm around his waist, she leaned up for his lips. He congratulated her around their mouths, his hand wrapping around her waist and then down her back to cup her bottom. That gave her a rush too, just an entirely different one.

Dropping her board into the soft sand near their feet, she reached her other hand up his chest. He dropped his board too, angling it back so it didn’t hit hers. Both hands now free, he grabbed her backside so firmly she squeaked. A pleasing noise rumbled low in his chest. “You were right.”

Feeling like they should be somewhere more private, so it would be completely okay for those miraculous fingers to slip into the other side of her bikini, she murmured, “What?”

Chuckling between their lips, he said, “The bikini…you do rock it.”

Breaking apart from him, she slung her arms around his neck and shook her head at him. Gazing at those eyes that were more amazing than the waters she’d just crawled out of, she felt a pressure in her chest that bordered on the edge of pain. Love beyond reason, that was what she felt for him. She was sure, more sure than she’d ever been in her life, that the man in her arms was going to be her husband. She didn’t quite know how that would happen, since in the eyes of the law they were technically cousins still, and in most States that just wasn’t allowed. But even if it was only symbolic, she knew that Kai was the one – the one she wanted beside her forever.

He tilted his head at her, grinning crookedly in a way that quickened Jessie’s heart. “We’re heading home tomorrow…are you ready to leave all of this?” His eyes looked around her, at the magnificence of the island’s paradise.

Jessie’s arms tightening around him, her gaze never leaving him, she firmly said, “I’m going wherever you’re going, whether that’s staying here on the beach, going back home to the snow…or just making out in the back of your mom’s car.”

He grinned wider, shook his head, then leaned back in to kiss her.  “Well, being wet will make you chilly, even here…so let’s get you dry first.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Then we can make out.”

She laughed and nodded while they collected their stuff. As they drove back to Kai’s strange sounding hometown, Jessie took a moment to appreciate the bounty of life on display for her. She wasn’t sure when she’d be back here after tomorrow, but she felt pretty confident that her future with Kai would include a few more trips this way. He would at least want to see his folks once a year? Jessie had a feeling that she’d be insisting on it.

Smiling at the waterfalls tucked behind the emerald green vegetation bursting with tropical flowers so bright they almost seemed unreal, Jessie hoped that their next visit wasn’t too far in the future.

While they had spent the nights here with Kai’s father, during the day, Jessie and Kai had spent most of their time with his mother. Kai’s relationship with her was…different, or so Leilani had confessed to her one afternoon, while Kai had been playing in the surf nearby.

Listening to Kai’s mother express her grief over the constant lies and deceptions she’d had to tell him, that she’d had to tell both of Kai’s fathers, Jessie couldn’t stop herself from having some compassion for the woman. Sure, she had hurt and betrayed three men…but no one really knows what they might do in a situation, until they’re waist deep in it. And Leilani had gotten in way over her head, so far in, that she hadn’t been able to see a way out of it, except to lie, repeatedly.

As Kai drove his mother’s car back to her place near the beach, Jessie wondered if Kai and his Leilani would ever have that tight bond again. She hoped so. Close to her own parents, even though they’d moved away awhile ago, Jessie understood the importance of tight knit parent-child bonds. There was nothing quite like it, knowing that no matter what, no matter who you became or what you did in your life, someone had your back, someone loved you unconditionally.  She wanted Kai and his mother to have that again.

As they pulled up the gravel drive, the tinier, feminine version of Kai stepped from her porch, smiling and waving at them. Her long, dark hair blowing back from her face in the slight breeze, she gingerly stepped over to the car. Kai sighed as he watched her approach and Jessie twisted to look at him. “She loves you, you know.”

Kai tore his eyes from his mother to look back at Jessie. Smiling softly, he nodded. “Yeah, I know. Sometimes I don’t feel like I know much, but that, I do know.”

He leaned over to give Jessie a light kiss. Even with all the time they’d had together, even with the fact that they could openly be together now, it still quickened Jessie’s heart when he touched her, kissed her. She had to force herself to not grab a thick section of his hair and forcibly pull him back to her mouth. That just wouldn’t be appropriate, not with his tiny mother opening the car door.

“Aloha, Jessie,” she said warmly.

Jessie smiled warmly back. While Jessie’s Uncle had some reservations about their being together, Kai’s mother didn’t appear to. Once the initial shock had worn off, she’d accepted Jessie with open arms, even giving Kai and Jessie space to…connect. Jessie had a sneaking suspicion that it was mainly because she’d do anything to win back Kai’s devotion, but Jessie wasn’t about to call the woman out for it.

“Aloha, Leilani.”

As Kai stepped out of the car, he gave his mother a brief hug. Wrapping her arms securely around his waist, she gazed up at him, longing and hope clear in her eyes; she so wanted Kai to truly forgive her. “Mason tells me that your flight back is early in the morning tomorrow. I’ll drive you to the airport, sweetheart.”

Kai blinked as he loosely held her back. “You talked with Mason?”

Leilani flushed and turned her head away from Kai. Jessie could tell that she felt guilty for even bringing him up. She could also tell that she still had feelings for the man. It was pretty evident by the way she said his name; it reminded Jessie of the way she often said Kai’s name. “Uh, yes…we…keep in touch.” She looked back at him, her eyes clearly seeing the man she’d once loved in the son before her. “He’s been worried about you. He calls in nightly to check up on you.”

Kai looked away, towards the beach. Jessie had been with Kai when he’d called Mason to tell the man that they’d landed safely. It had sort of surprised Jessie that he’d done that. It sort of amazed her that he’d be so considerate to a man he barely knew. Of course, a lot of things about Kai amazed Jessie.  And a lot of things about Mason seemed to amaze Kai. Shaking his head as he watched the surf, he muttered, “I’m surprised he does that.”

Leilani squeezed him tight, resting her head on his shoulder. Kai reflexively hugged her shoulder into him. “Of course he does, Kai. He loves you. You’re his son…even if he just found out about you.”

Kai closed his eyes, his head dropping a little. Jessie saw the weariness in his face, and not from their morning on the waves. All of this turmoil was getting to him. Jessie couldn’t wait to take him back home, settle him in her bed, and massage away all the kinks in his body, if not his heart. His heart…she could work on.

Kai opened his eyes and started walking towards his mother’s home. He had a childhood room here too and Jessie had marveled at just how similar it was to the room she’d had at her parents’ place. They’d even shared the same interest in music, both having Beatles posters on their walls.

Sighing, Kai rested his head on his mother’s as they shifted to walk towards the water. “Why didn’t you tell me, Mom? Before I went over there?”

Leilani paused in her step, ducking her head out to look up at him. “I’m sorry, Kai.” She shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t see how you could possibly find out…and not hate me.” Her eyes watered drastically as she looked at him. “And you…are the most important thing I have. I couldn’t risk losing you.”

Kai sighed and squeezed her tight. “You’re not going to lose me, Mom. I love you…regardless.”

Leilani couldn’t stop the tears and hastily brushed them from her cheeks. “Well, Nathan insisted that you know the truth and then insisted that I contact Mason, to get you a job there with him.” She sighed and looked away, towards the beach, just like Kai had. It seemed to be a natural relaxant for the both of them. “I’ve been tense every day, wondering when I’d call and you’d hate me. Wondering what day Nathan would finally get his revenge on me for betraying him.” She sighed, a little contemptuously.

Kai stopped and twisted her to look at him. “He doesn’t want revenge on you. He didn’t want to hurt you. He wanted…” he paused, his eyes drifting back to Jessie, “he just didn’t want to keep living with a lie. He wanted the truth released, so he could be free.” Smiling, his eyes turned back to Leilani’s. “So we could all be free.”

Knowing Kai meant their relationship just as much his parents’ relationship, tears sprang to Jessie’s eyes. They’d been living a lie too. They’d been trying to deny the feelings between them. They’d been trying to label it as familial love, when it had been so far beyond that. The truth had released them from that lie, just as surely as it had released Kai’s parents. Uncle Nathan was right…truth mattered.

Kai and his mother spent a good chunk of the rest of that afternoon opening up to each other. Much to Jessie’s surprise, Kai even told her about how the two of them had first hooked up. He, thankfully, didn’t mention the one night stand, but he confessed that their attraction had started while they’d both thought they were related. Sitting on the perfectly golden sand, Jessie twisted to look over at Leilani sitting next to her son. His mother eyed Jessie warmly, compassionately, like she understood being in a hard space, and Jessie supposed that she did.

“That must have been very difficult,” her hand came up to rest on Kai’s knee, “for both of you.”

Kai looked down on her, nodding, then over to Jessie, sitting so close beside him that their hips touched. She couldn’t help the lack of space between them; she just needed his body to be touching hers.

Leaning down to kiss Jessie’s head, Kai muttered, “Yeah, yeah it was…” Looking back at Leilani, he slung his arm around her shoulders. “But we’re good now, Mom. Really good, and even though this has been really hard to deal with…you and dad and Mason…I’m okay.” He looked back at Jessie, his eyes putting the ocean to shame with their beauty. “I’m great…because of Jessie.”

Jessie felt her entire body flush at his words, felt her heart quicken. His words, in and out of the bedroom, always had such a strong effect on her. She hoped that never faded.

Leilani’s wistful sigh pulled both of their attentions back to her. Her face happy, but reluctant, she shook her head. “You’re going to stay in Denver, aren’t you?”

Kai tilted his head and sighed too. “I’ll visit as often as I can…and you can always call me.” He grinned and laughed. “Even at four in the morning.”

Leilani laughed too, then slung her arms around his neck. “I love you, Kai. I’m very proud of the man that you’ve become.”

Kai hugged her back, just as tight. “I love you too, Mom.” When they pulled away from each other, he gave her a crooked smile. “At least that is one part of my life that didn’t change…you’re still my mother.” Leilani smiled brilliantly, her eyes misting. Kai watched her reaction for a second then pulled farther away from her. “You are really my mom, right?” He barely got the question out before he started laughing.

Leilani gasped and smacked his shoulder before hugging him tight again. “Yes, I’m your mother!” After their laughter, all three of them enjoying a moment of levity, Leilani smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’ll miss you, Kai.”

Exhaling softly, he rested his head on hers. “I’ll miss you too, mom.” Chuckling, he raised his head. “But look on the bright side,” he flicked a quick glance at Jessie before swinging his eyes back to his mother, “maybe you’ll get some grandkids soon?”

Jessie’s eyes widened as Leilani squealed and reached across her son to embrace her. Jessie glared at him, but he only laughed. Now that his mother had fully accepted them, and he’d just thrown open the door, the baby talk was surely going to flow through it. Jessie sighed inwardly as she patted the eager woman’s back. She was sure a pair of handmade booties was in her near future.

Chapter   26

A Future Together

The plane ride away from Hawaii was a completely different experience for Kai than the ride over. He was completely relaxed by Jessie’s side as they leaned back in their first class seats. He felt a lingering ripple of the bittersweet happiness that had flooded through him while saying goodbye to his parents at the airport. He’d eventually come to terms with what both parent had done to him. And truly, they had hurt themselves as much as they’d hurt him, maybe more.

His mother especially. At the gate, she had squeezed Jessie so tight that Kai had clearly seen the strain in his girlfriend’s face. “It was so nice to meet you, Jessie. Take care of my son.”

Jessie had flicked her eyes to Kai, a soft smile on her lips. “I will.”

Before Kai could even return Jessie’s warm smile, his mother had turned and engulfed him in a vice-like hug. “I’ll call you every chance I get.” Pulling back, she smiled up at him and patted his arm. “Now hurry up and get to work on that grandbaby.”

Remembering the look of excitement on his mother’s face as she thought about the child she felt he’d promised her, Kai shook his head. His mother had certainly made her fair share of mistakes, but in her heart she was a good person, and he loved her and had made peace with her. She was his reason for being anyway.

She had finally stopped repeatedly asking for his absolution, but he could see the regret in her eyes whenever she looked at him, whenever she looked at Nathan. She regretted hurting two men that she’d deeply cared for. Kai was positive that he didn’t ever want to go through what she’d gone through. He didn’t ever want his heart torn between two people. Yet another reason he was grateful that he could be with Jessie. She filled every part of him, satisfied every desire. He couldn’t even comprehend not being completely faithful to her. Just the idea of it, made him nauseous. She had his heart, every single corner of it, and he was one hundred percent positive that the feeling was equally reciprocated.

His mother’s last words to him had been warm and sweet, like the mom he knew her to be. “I love you so much, Kai. I’ll miss you every day.” Shrugging as they pulled apart, she’d added, “Who knows, maybe I’ll fly over and visit. I wouldn’t mind seeing…Denver.”

The small smile on her face had seemed nostalgic, and Kai was certain a visit from her would include a visit to Kai’s biological father as well. Kai was okay with that. His mother had been alone a long time. Mason too, actually. Despite the havoc they’d caused, the two deserved their shot at happiness.

As the perky flight attendant refilled his orange juice, Kai shifted his thoughts to saying goodbye to his father, Nathan. It had felt much like when he’d arrived in Hawaii, just as intense, just for different reasons. Then, Kai had been hurt and confused, but love had ultimately led him to forgiveness. But parting with him had been just as draining.

Once his mother had backed off a respectful distance, his father had stepped forward. Smiling softly at Kai, he’d shaken his head. “I’ll miss you, son. “ Lifting a brow he’d added in a choked voice, “I know you’ll do great things at the center with Mason. After all, you’re a Harper,” he shrugged, “in spirit at least.”

Feeling an almost desperate need to let him know that he’d always be his son, Kai had thrown his arms around his father, cinching him tight. “I am your son. I’ll always be your son…always.”

He’d kept repeating it to him over and over. Kai wasn’t sure why at the time, and wished he’d been able to stop, since he’d managed to bring his father to tears, but as he sipped his juice he thought he finally understood. Kai hadn’t been assuring his father, he’d been trying to assure himself.

A piece of Kai, a piece that he didn’t like to look at, was afraid that the man who’d raised him…would abandon him. Kai‘s logical brain immediately discounted the idea. After all, if that were going to happen, it would have happened when Kai was a teenager. If Nathan Harper had been going to turn his back on him, like he had his marriage, he would have done it years ago, when Kai was young. But the logical brain doesn’t always win out, and it was still there…a lingering worry bubbling to the surface.

Kai supposed that no matter how old you get, the fear of being abandoned, of being rejected by those you love the most, was always tucked away into some dark, tragic corner of the soul, where all childhood fears reside. Most people spent every day ignoring those fears, discounting them as readily as they discounted the boogie man and the monster under the bed. But when they slipped out, when they found a chink in the armor of who you were, like a noxious, poisonous weed, they took hold.

Kai swallowed his drink and shook his head. Rolling his eyes at his own dramatic inner monologue, he glanced over at Jessie. She was also reclining in her seat, her eyes closed, her face relaxed. To Kai, she looked a little tired, but that was expected after the ups and downs they’d had this past week. Clutching her hand, he smiled that at least things would mellow out from here. Jessie didn’t open her eyes, but she smiled wider at feeling his skin against hers. She liked being close to him; he loved that about her.

Glancing down her body, his eyes rested on her flat stomach. Smiling, he imagined filling that stomach with a child one day…his child. While the thought had once disgusted him, it warmed him now. Kai had always pictured himself with children in the future, he’d just never been sure who he’d have them with. He was sure now. While he’d mainly been joking when he’d mentioned it to his mother, it was something he wanted, something he wanted with Jessie. Maybe not right away, but someday.

Bringing her left hand to his lips, he also imagined placing a ring on her finger. He wanted that too. Now that the option was open to him, it was really all he could think about. They still needed to break the news to her parents, since they were still under the impression that Kai was a cousin, but after everything that Kai had been through lately, he felt sure that they could do it.

Jessie looked over at him as his lips rubbed back and forth over the finger he so wanted to encircle. Her dark eyes swept over his features. “What are you thinking about?” she asked softly.

His gaze lingered on those luscious lips for a second before he answered. Biting back a smile, he shook his head. “I was just thinking that it’s legal for first cousins to get married in Hawaii.”

Her eyes widened and she half grinned. “I see…that’s interesting that you know that.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and Kai chuckled. “Yeah, well, I had good reason to look it up.”

Jessie laughed then tilted her head. Sighing contently, she cupped his face with her free hand. “You see us getting married one day?”

Kai closed his eyes, leaning into her hand. “Yes.” Opening them, he watched color fill her cheeks. “Don’t you?”

She bit her lip then nodded. “Yeah…someday.”

He smiled then rested his head against hers. “I know that legally we are probably still cousins. If we want to have a marriage without all the…complications in it, there are probably a ton of hoops we’ll have to go through. I don’t know what, we may need legal help to prove that we’re not related. Maybe it’s as easy as having my birth certificate changed to show that Nathan Harper isn’t biologically my father?”

Kai shook his head, their noses brushing together. “I kind of hate that thought, but I would gladly do it…to freely be your husband. But, really, regardless of the obstacles, I want that future with you.”

He pulled back to look at her, her eyes wet with tears. Moving her hand from his face, he clenched it. “I love you, Jessie…always.”

She sighed then shook her head. “I love you too.”

They leaned in for a series of light, soft kisses that made Kai feel just a touch dizzy. Pulling back, Jessie raised an eyebrow at him. “Most of our family will still think that we’re related.”

Kai shrugged, not caring anymore. “Let them. We know the truth. Besides, it’s just the multitude of aunts, uncles, and cousins that we never see anyway. We only ever hear about them in Gran’s Christmas letter.” Kissing her softly, he smiled. “Our close family will know the truth, and they’ll accept us, because they love us.”

“We’ll need to stop referring to ourselves as cousins around other people…this might freak them out,” she murmured against his lips, her hand running back through his hair.

Kai laughed once, deep in his throat. “It will just be our little inside joke.” Jessie giggled, and laughing with her, Kai returned himself to where he most wanted to be in this world…her lips.

Once the plane landed and they were back in the city that Kai felt nearly as fond of as the one he’d left behind, Kai once again felt direction in his life. It was a comfort that he drew strength from. He would remain here and work with his father, learning from the man who he academically strived to be. He would help Jessie take care of their mutual grandmother, keeping her strong, healthy, and independent for as long as they both could. And he and Jessie…they would share every aspect of their lives with each other, and he would be the best boyfriend, lover, and friend that Jessie could ever dream of having. Kai would make her forget that any other man had ever existed before him.

Smiling as they exited the airport, his arm wrapped securely around her trim waist, Kai finally felt like his future was one that wasn’t filled with longing and pain. He was going to have everything he’d ever wanted, with the girl he’d always dreamt of having.

Immersed in those thoughts as they got in Jessie’s truck, he startled when his phone started ringing. He’d charged it back up before leaving for his impromptu trip, but no one had called him in days. As the melody to a disastrously sappy song started pouring out of his phone, he sighed and rolled his eyes.

Jessie, recognizing the song, started laughing immediately as she started her vehicle. “Wind Beneath My Wings…really?”

Shaking his head as he glanced at the caller ID, he grimaced at her comment. “Missy…I seriously don’t know how she keeps getting a hold of my phone.”  Jessie laughed heartily as Kai smiled at who was calling him. Bringing the phone to his ear, he rolled his eyes again. “Mom, we just left you. Do you really miss me already?”

As Jessie pulled away from the parking lot, he heard his mother chuckle into the phone and then sigh. “I miss you all the time, Kai. I just wanted to make sure that you landed okay.”

Smiling over at a still laughing Jessie, Kai grinned broadly. “We’re fine, Mom. We’re perfectly fine.”

Hanging up after a brief conversation with the mother he’d just left, he stared contently at Jessie as she drove them home. Home. Being with her truly felt like home, not the paradise he’d left behind, not the tiny studio apartment he’d been staying in. Just…being with her was home, wherever that may be.

She glanced over at him watching her. “You know, I’ve been thinking…”

“Yeah,” he murmured, a finger reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes briefly before snapping them open, maybe remembering that she was driving.

Swallowing, she looked over at him and shrugged. “Well, Grams did mention that her neighbor’s house was free and I was thinking maybe…” She let her thought trail off as her gaze went back to the road. Kai watched her bite her lip, an almost nervous look in her features.

Kai straightened, wondering if she was really considering Gran’s offer of him moving next door to her, in her recently deceased neighbor’s place. He furrowed his brow. A house would give him more space, but in relation to Jessie, it was more of a lateral move than anything. It wouldn’t bring them any closer together. A little farther actually, since he wouldn’t be driving past Jessie’s place on his way home from work anymore.

Noticing his face, Jessie smiled and he relaxed. In a near whisper, she shrugged and said, “Do you think we should ask Harm and April if they’d consider moving there?” Her hand sneaked over to grasp his and Kai’s heart quickened. She wasn’t asking him to move away, she was asking him to move in. She quickly confirmed that as her eyes darted back to the road. “Then you and I could have the place to ourselves…” she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, “if you wanted…to live there with me.”

As she shrugged softly, biting her lip, Kai laughed lightly and laced their fingers together. “I think that sounds like a great idea, Jessie.”

She fully looked at him, smiling, and Kai leaned over to kiss her cheek, angling her face back to the road. She started giggling and twisting away from him as he nuzzled her neck. Living with her? Now that was a move that Kai could whole heartedly support. She was his home anyway.

************

Pulling up to her home, Jessie was flooded with I’m-on-cloud-nine feelings. Kai had asked her to marry him on the plane. Not in so many words, but that had been the gist of it. He wanted a life with her. He wanted his future to always have her in it. Jessie couldn’t believe how just knowing where his head was at, knowing where he envisioned them going, gave her such a feeling of safety and contentment. It was like, all of a sudden, she didn’t have to worry about where she’d be, who she’d be with. She knew, she was one hundred percent sure…she’d be with Kai.

Glancing over at him as she shut off the engine, she was certain he felt the same safety and contentment.  He’d essentially asked her to marry him, and she’d essentially said yes. Everything else was details. They’d even begun the first one. She’d asked him to live with her, he’d agreed. They were well on their way to starting a life together.

Grinning at each other, they grabbed their luggage and made their way to Jessie’s house…their house.

Harmony met them in the entryway, engulfing Jessie in a huge hug. Jessie was exhausted from the last emotional week, and the past few days of traveling and transitioning, and really just wanted to crash on her bed, but she dropped her bags and held her friend tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you guys!” Harmony disengaged from Jessie, swooping over to attack Kai. He laughed and hugged her back, just as Jessie had. It warmed her considerably that Kai was so fond of her friends.

“We missed you too, Harm,” she replied tiredly.

Her freckled friend finally released Kai, twisting back to face Jessie. Slinging her hands into her back pockets, her pale eyes watched Kai pick up Jessie’s bag and start to take it back to Jessie’s room. Jessie watched him leave too, smiling at his thoughtfulness.

Once he was out of sight, Harmony shifted back to Jessie. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but I sort of did something while you’ve been…busy this week.”

Jessie cocked an eyebrow at her friend, not knowing what she was possibly referring to. Harmony sighed and shifted her weight. Biting her lip, she shrugged and said, “Since you and Kai are pretty much a couple now…I snagged your date.”

Jessie blinked. Date? Other than Kai, Jessie hadn’t been on anything that resembled a date in a very long time. “Uh…what?”

Harmony giggled a little, shaking out her red locks. “Well, I guess you never really dated him. But he called for you all the time trying to get one with you.”

Still confused, Jessie shook her head. “Who are you…?” Suddenly remembering her grandmother’s halfhearted attempts to set her up with her nurse’s son, Jessie’s jaw dropped. “Do you mean Simon?”

Harmony laughed, her cheeks flushing with color. “Yeah…I hope you don’t mind. Jessie could only shake her head, wondering how all that had come about. Maybe seeing the question in her expression, Harmony smiled shyly. “You wouldn’t ever talk to him or call him back, so I just started talking to him for you.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, he was just really sweet on the phone and the more he called for you, the more we started talking.”

Jessie felt heat flush her cheeks. She knew that Simon had called her a couple of times, and she sort of felt bad that she hadn’t just told him that she wasn’t interested outright. But at the time, Jessie’s mind had been a little…preoccupied.

Harmony looked back at the hall as the object of Jessie’s preoccupation started walking up it. Kai grinned at both of the girls watching him. Shrugging again, Harmony twisted back to Jessie. “The last time he called, he called to talk to me.” She smiled widely. “We had our first date last night…and it was great. He’s smart, and funny, and so nice, and he loves to ski as much as I do…and you’re not mad, are you?” She said all of that really fast, an anxious look on her face, like she’d just done something really wrong.

Shaking her head, Jessie laughed and hugged her again. Kai came up to them and cocked an eyebrow, curious about what they were talking about. Jessie ignored him and answered her friend. “Of course I’m not mad.” Raising her own eyebrow at Kai over Harmony’s shoulder, she added, “I was never interested in dating Simon anyway.”

Kai smiled and looked down at the floor. Harmony pulled back and squeezed her friend’s arms. “Good, because I really like him.”

As Harmony started giggling and going on about how great he was, April stepped into the room from the kitchen. Jessie waved at her and April’s face paled. Quicker than you’d believe possible, she ducked back into the kitchen. Jessie looked back at Harmony and then Kai. They both had puzzled looks on their faces and an odd tension started building in Jessie’s belly. Maybe while they’d been away, April had decided she couldn’t handle the strangeness of Jessie and Kai’s relationship? Maybe she was weirded out now?

Feeling like her legs were suddenly made of lead, Jessie walked into the kitchen, Kai and Harmony following her. April was dressed to the nines and chugging back a glass of wine that she’d just poured. Jessie thought she looked about to head out for the evening, maybe on a date.

Giggling nervously after swallowing the last bit in her glass, she quickly spat out, “Oh, you’re back, great. I can’t wait to hear about your trip but I have a date tonight with that guy from your work, Kai. Louis. Remember, I asked about him once. Well, yeah, he called and he’s taking me to that four-star downtown, so I gotta go. Anything I should know about him, Kai? He’s not a psycho or anything, right? Well, I guess I can handle a little bit of craziness for Lobster Thermidor. Oh, look at the time…I should go, we’re meeting there and I don’t want to be late on my first date with him…”

Jessie blinked several times as all of that was rapid-fired at her. No one in the room answered any one of her various questions as everyone gawked a little at the obviously nervous, obviously babbling April. Thinking maybe she was just anxious for her date, although, Jessie had never seen her anxious for a date in her life, she muttered, “You okay, April?”

Her gorgeous, but exhausted looking friend closed her eyes and slumped against the counter. Peeking only one open, she wrinkled her nose. “Don’t hate me.”

Jessie sighed, crossing her arms over her chest as Kai came up to stand beside her. Kai looked down at Jessie then over at April. “Hate you for what?”

April inhaled and exhaled, looking between the both of them. Then her hands flung out to her sides and she started babbling again. “Okay, see the thing is, I thought once you two came out of the closet, or whatever, everyone knew about it. Especially since you were going to talk to Kai’s parents in Hawaii and all. I just sort of assumed that it was common knowledge now that you two are bumping uglies…”

“April!” Jessie exclaimed, trying to steer her friend back on track. “What happened?”

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Your dad called.”

Jessie raised an eyebrow, not liking where this was going. “And?” Jessie felt Kai slip an arm around her waist. Only then realizing her posture was rigidly straight, she relaxed into his side, dropping her arms from her chest.

April sighed, yet again. “He asked for you and I told him you were on your way back from Hawaii. Then, he was naturally curious about what you were doing there and I didn’t think much about it, because again, I thought it was common knowledge, so…I told him you and your boyfriend were visiting his parents there.”

She shrugged and Jessie swallowed. Well, that was okay…she could work with those facts. Nodding, she muttered, “Alright, if that’s all he knows then it’s not that big of a deal really.”

April shot down that hope with her next comment though. “I may have also gone on to mention that Kai was your boyfriend and that his parents included your uncle…”

“You didn’t!” Jessie felt herself tighten back up. Her dad was currently under the impression that she was dating her cousin? “Damn it, April, all you had to do was tell him that I’d call him back when I got home!”

April cringed then stuck her chin out. “I’m sorry, but your dad is like this super, FBI investigator guy. He cornered me! I had to talk!” She shrugged apologetically. “I tried to explain about Kai’s situation, but your mom flipped out and grabbed the phone and we sort of got disconnected.” She pointed to the phone on the counter. “It just happened like twenty minutes ago, so I’m sure you could call back…”

Jessie sighed, bringing her hands to her face. Great, both her parents thought she was sleeping with her cousin. “April…”

“Sorry, your dad intimidates the hell out of me! You know, you could have told them all about this before you left for your little vacation.” Jessie peeked through her fingers to see April scowling at her.

Jessie sighed then let a soft laugh escape her. “It’s fine, April. Really, I needed to talk to him anyway. This just…sped up the process.”

April’s irritated face evened out into a smile. Kai beside Jessie exhaled heavily. “I forgot your dad was FBI.” Looking down at Jessie, he cringed. “He’s going to shoot me, isn’t he?”

Jessie chuckled at Kai and shook her head. April took that moment of distraction to mutter apologies again and duck out of the room, pulling a laughing Harmony with her. Jessie sighed and shook her head again. “I guess I should call my dad back.” She closed her eyes. “This is such an awkward phone call to make.”

She opened her eyes at hearing Kai’s laugh. “You’re telling me.”

He gave her a wry smile and Jessie tried to hold onto the light feeling that he gave her. Trying to push down the butterflies wanting to build, she grinned crookedly at him. “Ready to be introduced to my family?”

Kai laughed again and shook his head. “I think I was born ready.”

Jessie couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her, but managed to frown too. “That’s not funny, Kai.”

He grinned at her, slinging his arms around her waist. “It kind of is…now.”

She sighed, placing her arms over his. “I love you.” He nodded, smiling warmly at her, and Jessie exhaled slowly, preparing herself. As she released from Kai’s body, she slowly walked over to the phone. She could almost hear the executioner’s drums in her heads, beating out a hollow, ominous rhythm. Wrapping her hand around the receiver, she inhaled for ten long counts.

Kai grabbed her hand and gave her a supportive nod. Jessie squeezed it back, determination filling her. She could do this. She could turn her family around about this. She was positive that once they realized that Kai was no more related to her than her ex-douchebag Jeremy had been, they’d accept him. And then, once they got to know Kai, she was positive that they’d love him too. He was just so different from every other guy Jessie had ever been with. So wonderful, caring, and kind…there was just no way they couldn’t get past his last name and eventually come to terms with him.

As she punched in their phone number, a peace flowed into her. And really, even if they somehow couldn’t, even if they somehow rejected him forever, it didn’t matter anymore. Jessie knew the truth, and the truth was all that mattered. Kai wasn’t related to her. Kai loved her. She loved Kai. They were going to be together for a long, long time…possibly forever. They were going to get married one day. They were going to have children one day. And those children would be beautiful and perfect and genetically safe, because she and Kai were genetically different.

It was really as simple as that.

Smiling widely as she heard the long rings finally silence as the phone was picked up, she completely relaxed. Jessie knew that her parents would always love her, even if they didn’t approve of her relationship, and either way, this would all end up okay, as long as she and Kai got to be together. Clutching Kai’s hand tighter as her dad’s gruff “hello” echoed in her ear, she brightly said, “Hi, Dad. I hear that you called and I wanted to clear up some things.”

Her dad’s voice immediately started barking questions at her and she paused, waiting for the break that only her silence would give her. Once his end of the line went silent, and once she knew he was listening, she looked up into Kai’s amazingly beautiful, ocean-like eyes. “If you are willing to listen now, I want to tell you all about someone that means the world to me. I want to tell you about a man that you think you know…but you don’t. I want to tell you about the man that I do know. Dad…I want to tell you about Kai Harper, my…”

She searched for a word that would adequately describe his importance to her. Boyfriend?  That word was too paltry, too simple and insignificant. Smiling brightly as her and Kai’s gazes remained locked, she thought over what he meant to her, what they meant to each other. He’d found her at her lowest point, after being broken and betrayed by a man that she’d thought she loved. Kai had picked her up, helped her put her feet back on the ground, and made her feel appreciated and respected…loved. When his world had crumbled around him, Jessie had been the one to hold him up, help him through the pain of discovering who he really was. They were each other’s rocks, each other’s support, each other’s best friends, and each other’s lovers.

Shaking her head at Kai, she could only sum up her feelings for him with, “He’s my…everything.”

***The End***

From the same author on Feedbooks

- Thoughtless (2009)

For almost two years now, Kiera's boyfriend, Denny, has been everything she's ever wanted: loving, tender and endlessly devoted to her. They are off to a new city to start a new life together, he at his dream job and her at a top notch University. But life sometimes gets in the way of even the best relationships, and eventually the time apart starts to take its toll on them. Feeling lonely and confused, Kiera finds comfort from an unexpected source – a local rock star named Kellan Kyle, who also happens to be their new roommate. At first, he's purely a friend that she can lean on, but as her loneliness grows, so does their relationship. And then one night everything changes...and none of them will ever be the same.

SKoW Award winner 2010 - Best M-Rated

- Conversion (2009)

Emma is happy. She's got a promising career in front of her, great friends, and a pretty amazing family. But her social life has been a little lacking lately. That's when fate stepped in, and crashed her into a tall, dark and handsome man. Sure, he has his secrets...don't we all, and, yeah, maybe his secrets are a little more unusual than most - like he's a partial vampire who can walk around during the day, but also enjoys a little plasma nightcap now and again - but to Emma, he's single, successful, and an extraordinary gentleman. That makes up for a lot. Of course, his condition is a bit more serious than he first lets on, and living a life with him will require some sacrifices that most just aren't willing to make. Will she? Is love enough to compensate for a life that will never be anywhere near the realm of normalcy? But then again...what's normal anyway?

- Collision Course (2010)

Lucas had it all – popularity, a devoted girlfriend, a brotherly best friend, and a loving mother who would do anything for him. His life was right on course to be a successful and fulfilling one, until the crash changed everything. It happened late one night during a sudden downpour. That evening, three young lives were lost and one life was left irrevocably altered. As the lone survivor, Lucas finds himself surrounded by swirling gossip of reckless drunkenness from the small town he used to warmly call home. Amid his own guilt and self-hatred, Lucas struggles to find hope, find peace, and maybe, even find love again.

SKoW Award winner 2010 - Best Het, Most Memorable

- Conversion Book Two: Bloodlines (2010)

Emma has admittedly made some bad decisions in her life, but she was positive that being with Teren Adams wasn’t one of them. He was everything she’d ever wanted in a man – kind, caring, loyal, loving, and on occasion, a hopeless romantic. True, he was also a vampire, or partially so, and had recently joined the ranks of the undead, but to Emma, that was inconsequential. She was his, he was hers, and she could not wait to be his bride, to mother his children, and to stay by his side for as long as her mortal life would allow her to. At least…that was the plan.

www.feedbooks.com

Food for the mind

Table of Contents

Title

Chapter 1 - New Chapter

Chapter 2 - One Morning

Chapter 3 - What's in a Name?

Chapter 4 - So Wrong, Yet So Right

Chapter 5 - It Will Get Easier

Chapter 6 - Pinned in Place

Chapter 7 - Falling Fast

Chapter 8 - Someone to Love

Chapter 9 - An Invitation

Chapter 10 - Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Chapter 11 - Promise Made, Promise Kept

Chapter 12 - A Taste of Heaven

Chapter 13 - The First Date

Chapter 14 - The Second Date

Chapter 15 - The Third Date

Chapter 16 - A Clean Break

Chapter 17 - Skiing

Chapter 18 - Sleeping Arrangements

Chapter 19 - Time to Say Goodbye

Chapter 20 - Truth Hurts

Chapter 21 - I Need You

Chapter 22 - Happiness

Chapter 23 - Father and Son

Chapter 24 - Life’s Little Surprises

Chapter 25 - Aloha

Chapter 26 - A Future Together

From the same author on Feedbooks