PRAISE FOR BETH WISEMAN

“Wiseman’s voice is consistently compassionate and her words flow smoothly.”

— Publishers Weekly review of Seek Me
With All Your Heart

“In Seek Me With All Your Heart, Beth Wiseman offers readers a heartwarming story filled with complex characters and deep emotion. I instantly loved Emily and eagerly turned each page, anxious to learn more about her past—and what future the Lord had in store for her.”

— Shelley Shepard Gray, best-selling
author of the Seasons of Sugarcreek
series

“Wiseman has done it again! Beautifully compelling, Seek Me With All Your Heart, is a heart-warming story of faith, family, and renewal. Her characters and descriptions are captivating, bringing the story to life with the turn of every page.”

— Amy Clipston, best-selling author of
A Gift of Grace

“Seek Me With All Your Heart by Beth Wiseman is a heart-stirring story of second chances and learning to trust God in difficult circumstances. You won’t want to miss the start to this new Amish series!”

— Colleen Coble, best-selling author of
The Lightkeeper’s Bride and the
Rock Harbor series

OTHER BOOKS BY BETH WISEMAN

The Daughters of the Promise series

Plain Paradise
Plain Promise
Plain Pursuit
Plain Perfect

Novellas found in:
An Amish Christmas
An Amish Gathering

Seek Me
With All Your Heart

A Land of Canaan Novel

Beth Wiseman

© 2010 by Beth Wiseman

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson books may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONALVERSION®. ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Publisher’s Note: This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. All characters are fictional, and any similarity to people living or dead is purely coincidental.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wiseman, Beth, 1962–
Seek me with all your heart : a land of Canaan novel / Beth Wiseman.
p. cm. — (Land of Canaan ; 1)
ISBN 978-1-59554-824-5 (pbk.)
1. Amish—Fiction. 2. Colorado—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3623.I83S44 2010
813'.6—dc22

2010033439

Printed in the United States of America
10 11 12 13 14 RRD 5 4 3 2 1

To Natalie Hanemann

Pennsylvania Dutch Glossary

ab im kopp—off in the head

Aamen—Amen

ach—oh

aenti—aunt

boppli—baby or babies

The Budget—a weekly newspaper serving Amish and Mennonite
communities everywhere

dumm—dumb

daadi—grandfather

daed—dad

danki—thanks

dochder—daughter

Englisch—a non-Amish person

fraa—wife

Frehlicher Grischtdaag—Merry Christmas

gut—good

guder mariye—good morning

hatt—hard

haus—house

kaffi—coffee

kapp—prayer covering or cap

kinner—children or grandchildren

lieb—love

maedel—girl

mamm—mom

mammi—grandmother

mei—my

mudder—mother

nee—no

onkel—uncle

Ordnung—the written and unwritten rules of the Amish; the understood behavior by which the Amish are expected to live, passed down from generation to generation. Most Amish know the rules by heart.

Pennsylvania Deitsch—Pennsylvania German, the language most commonly used by the Amish

rumschpringe —running around period when a teenager turns sixteen years old

schtinkich—stinks

wunderbaar—wonderful

ya—yes

Contents

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

One

EMILY STOOD BEHIND THE COUNTER OF HER FAMILY’S country store, watching as the tall man walked down each aisle, the top of his black felt hat visible above the gray metal shelving. First thing that morning, he’d strolled in and shot her a slow, easy smile, white teeth dazzling against bronzed skin. He moved slowly, sometimes glimpsing in her direction.

Emily twisted the strings on her apron with both hands and tried to slow down her breathing. Her heart pulsed against her chest as she glanced out the window toward her family’s farmhouse in the distance. Where is Jacob? Her brother knew she didn’t like to be left alone in the store, and he’d promised to be right back.

Their community was small, and all the members in the district knew each other, which was the only reason Emily agreed to work in the shop. But this Amish man was a stranger. And Amish or not, he was still a man.

Emily jumped when the man rounded the bread aisle toting a box of noodles in one hand and a can in the other. With the back of one hand, he tipped back his hat so that sapphire blue eyes blazed down on her. As he approached the counter, Emily clung to her apron strings and took a step backward.

“How come everything in this store is messed up?” Tiny lines creased his forehead as he held up a can of green beans with a large dent in one side. Then he held up the box of noodles. “And this looks like it’s been stepped on. It’s mashed on one side.” He dropped them on the counter, then folded his arms across his chest and waited for her to answer.

He towered over her. Emily stared straight ahead, not looking him in the eye. The outline of his shoulders strained against a black jacket that was too small. Her bottom lip trembled as she turned her head to look out the window again. When she didn’t see any sign of Jacob, she turned back to face the stranger, who looked to be about her age—maybe nineteen or twenty—which didn’t make him any less threatening. His handsome looks could be a convenient cover up for what lay beneath. She knew he was not a married man since he didn’t have a beard covering his square jaw, and his dark hair was in need of a trim.

He arched his brows, waiting for her to respond, looking anything but amused. Emily felt goose bumps on her arms, and chills began to run the length of her spine, even though Jacob had fired up the propane heaters long before the shop opened that morning.

“This is—is a salvage store.” Her fingers ached as she twisted the strings of her apron tighter. “We sell freight and warehouse damaged groceries.” She bit her lip, but didn’t take her eyes from him.

“I can’t even find half the things on my list.” He shook his head as he stared at a white piece of paper. “What about milk and cheese?”

“No, I’m sorry. We mostly have dry goods.”

He threw his hands in the air. Emily thought his behavior was improper for an Amish man, but raw fear kept her mouth closed and her feet rooted to the floor.

“Where am I supposed to get all this?” He turned the piece of paper around so she could see the list.

Emily unwrapped the strings of her apron and slowly leaned her head forward. She tucked a loose strand of brown hair underneath her kapp.

“What’d you do to your hand?”

Emily glanced at her hand, and a blush filled her cheeks when she saw the red indentions around her fingers. She quickly dropped her hand to her side and ignored his comment. “You will have to go to Monte Vista for most of those things. People usually come here to save money, just to get a few things they know we’ll have for a lesser price.”

“That’s a far drive by buggy in this snow.” He put both hands on the counter and hung his head for a few moments, then looked up as his mouth pulled into a sour grin. With an unsettling calmness, he leaned forward and said, “Just one more thing I can’t stand about this place.”

Emily took two steps backward, which caused her to bump into the wall behind her. “Then leave,” she whispered as she cast her eyes down on her black shoes. She couldn’t believe she’d voiced the thought, and when she looked back up at him, the stranger’s eyes were glassed with anger.

“Please don’t hurt me.” She clenched her eyes closed.

DAVID COULDN’T BELIEVE what he’d heard. “What? Hurt you? What are you talkin’ about?” He’d never hurt anyone in his life. He walked around the counter and reached his hand out to her, but she cowered against the wall.

“I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry.” He touched her arm, and she flinched as a tear rolled down her cheek. He pulled back and said softly, “Please. Don’t cry. Look . . .” He showed her his palms, then backed up and got on the other side of the counter. “I’m leaving. Don’t cry.”

He rubbed his forehead for a moment and watched her trying to catch her breath to stop the tears from flowing. She swiped at her eyes and sniffled, then looked up at him. He noticed a scar above her left brow. A deep indentation that ran nearly to her hairline.

The bell on the front door chimed, and David looked away from the woman and toward the sound. An Amish fellow around his own age stepped inside. He glanced at David, then took one look at the woman against the wall and hastily rushed over to her. He brushed past David, almost pushing him, and touched the woman on the arm.

“Are you all right?”

“I didn’t do anything, I promise.” David watched the young man wrap his arm around her and whisper something in her ear. “I mean, I guess I acted like a jerk, but I never meant to . . .”

The fellow waved a hand at him and shook his head before turning his attention back to her. “Go on back to the haus.”

David’s eyes followed the young woman as she scurried out the door, her chin tucked. Through the window, he saw her trudge through the snow toward a white house on the other side of a picket fence, her brown dress slapping at her shins as she hugged herself tightly. David pointed to a black wrap hanging on a rack by the door. “She forgot her cape,” he said and looked out of the window again. He wondered what exactly had just happened.

“I’m Jacob.” The man walked closer and extended his hand to David, who forced a smile.

“I’m David, and I’m real sorry. I came in here in a bad mood, and I guess I must have scared her or something.” He dropped his hand and shook his head. “But I sure didn’t mean to. Really. I’m just real sorry.”

Jacob peeled off a snow-speckled black coat, walked to the rack, and hung it beside the forgotten cape. He turned to face David. “It’s not you. My sister just gets like that sometimes. I try not to leave her alone, but I heard one of the horses in the barn kicking at the stall, and I was gone longer than I should have been.”

“Is she . . .” David wasn’t sure how to ask. “Ab im kopp?”

Jacob chuckled. “sion grew serious. “She’s justNee, she ain’t off in the head.” His expres . . . I reckon she’s just going through a hatt time right now.”

The bell on the door chimed again, and David saw a small girl enter. She was bundled in a black bonnet and cape and was breathing hard. “Are you the one who made Emily cry?” She thrust her hands on her hips and drew her mouth into a frown. David opened his mouth to answer, but Jacob cut in.

“Betsy, what are you doing out here? You’re supposed to be helping Mamm get those jams labeled so she can carry them to Abby’s bakery later. Does she know you ran over here?”

The child untied the strings of her bonnet, pulled it off, then tucked loose strands of blonde hair beneath her kapp. “I reckon this is more important.” She folded her small arms across her chest as her hazel eyes bored into David. “What did you do to Emily?”

“Betsy, he didn’t do nothing. Now, get on back in the house.” Jacob stacked papers on top of the counter, dismissing the child.

Betsy walked to David, her hands landing back on her tiny hips. She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips together. “I want you to know that if your behavior instigated this outpouring of emotion from my sister, it would be best for you not to visit us here again.” She nodded her head once, but David was too stunned to say anything. The women in this family are crazy.

“Just pretend she’s not here,” Jacob said as he walked to the girl. He gently grabbed her by the arm and led her to the door. He pulled the door open. “Put your bonnet on and go home, Betsy.”

Betsy stood in the doorway as snow powdered her black cape and the threshold of the shop. She plopped her bonnet back on her head, tied it, then lifted her chin. “I will be going back to tend to Emily, and I suspect you should be heading to your own haus.” She spun around and slammed the door behind her.

David cocked his head to one side and watched Betsy from the window. “How old is she?”

“Seven.” Jacob shrugged, then sighed. “And a handful.”

David scratched his chin and finally pulled his gaze from the window. “I have a sister who is seven, but she doesn’t talk like that.” He paused. “I don’t know many Amish folks who talk like that, even us older ones.”

“Ya, Betsy is special. She’s a real pain most of the time, but Mamm and Daed let some Englisch people give her some tests, and they said she’s what they call gifted.” Jacob pushed a button on the cash register, and the drawer swung open. He filled the slots with bills as they talked. “Betsy’s been reading since way before other kinner her age. I reckon she thinks she knows everything.” He chuckled. “Sometimes I think she does, too, using them big words and all. She does math real gut too.”

David nodded. “Oh.”

Jacob slammed the cash drawer shut, then smiled. “In case you were wondering, mei mamm is normal.”

David laughed. “Gut to know. Are those your only siblings?”

“No. I got a younger bruder, Levi. But he works with mei daed doing construction and installing solar panels.”

David had noticed that lots of the Amish homes in Canaan used solar panels, something you didn’t see a lot of in Lancaster County. “How’d your daed and bruder get into that?”

“Daed knew he was going to need to find an outside job here since farming is going to be a challenge, at least in the beginning.” Jacob shook his head. “Can’t believe that there’s only three months of frost-free weather here.” He paused with a sigh. “Anyway, Daed planned ahead and learned about these solar panels before we moved here.”

David nodded again as he considered whether or not his family might benefit from solar panels.

“And me and Emily take care of the shop, and ’course Mamm has the house to tend to . . . and Betsy, which is a fulltime job when she ain’t in school.” Jacob scratched his forehead.

“What ’bout you? Where’d you come from? I haven’t seen you around here.”

David sighed. “We moved here. Yesterday. We’re not even unpacked, but my stepmother wanted me to pick up a few things.”

“You don’t sound happy about this move.” Jacob sat down on a stool behind the counter and eyed David skeptically.

“I’m not, really. I mean, my whole family and everything I’ve ever known is in Lancaster County. In Pennsylvania. My great grandfather left us some land, so we moved.” David shook his head. “Although . . . I reckon I don’t know why. This is nothing like Lancaster County. It’s—” He stopped when he realized he might offend Jacob if he went on.

“It’s all right.” Jacob took off his hat and ran a hand through wavy brown hair. “You ain’t tellin’ me anything I don’t know. We moved here from Middlefield, Ohio, three months ago. It’s real different here for us too.”

“What made your family move?”

Jacob shrugged. “Needed a change.” He pulled his eyes from David’s and his forehead wrinkled as he went on. “And Levi’s got asthma. The weather is better here for him. Less mold, which seems to trigger it.”

David suspected there was more to it than that, but he just nodded.

“Lillian, my stepmother, was wondering where the school is for my sister. I have two sisters, but only Anna is old enough to go to school. She’s the one who’s the same age as Betsy. Elizabeth is almost five, so she won’t start until next year.”

Jacob grunted. “There ain’t no schoolhouse. Hoping to build one soon, though. Right now, the young ones are getting their schooling from Emma Miller, the widow around the corner.” Jacob pointed to his right. “Big blue house on the next road to the right. She teaches them in the barn.”

“In the barn?”

“Ya. She’s got a gut setup out in her barn. All the young scholars have their own desk, and it’s all heated with propane. It’s just until we can get the school built. Widow Miller is sick; otherwise Betsy would be in school today.” Jacob chuckled. “Bet Mamm is hoping she gets well real soon.”

David had almost forgotten about his list from Lillian. “I better pay for these couple of things, then head to town for the other items.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill.

“There’s a singing here on Sunday, if you’re interested.” Jacob handed David his change. “It won’t be nothing like what you’re used to, I’m sure, and there ain’t a whole lot of people who attend, maybe only ten or fifteen, but you could meet some folks. There will even be a few single girls coming. How old are you, anyway?”

“I just turned twenty.”

“And you ain’t married yet?”

David forced a smile. Marriage wasn’t in his plans. “No.”

“I’m getting married in December.” Jacob grinned again. “Adding another crazy woman to my life. Beth Ann’s her name.”

David watched Jacob’s eyes light up when he said her name—his new friend was happy about this. “Congratulations.”

“Danki. ”

David picked up his small bag with the noodles and green beans, and then extended his other hand to Jacob. “Nice to meet you, and please tell Emily that I’m not some psycho or anything.” He chuckled, but stopped when he saw the color fade from Jacob’s face. “Did I say something wrong? I just don’t want her to think I’m—”

Jacob waved his hand. “Nah, it’s okay. I can tell you’re a normal guy.” Then he stood up and headed toward the back of the shop. “See ya ’round,” he said over his shoulder. “Come Sunday, if you feel like it.”

David opened the front door of the shop and walked toward his buggy. The snow had stopped, and he glanced across the white terrain between the shop and the house. Movement on the front porch caught his eye. Emily. He stopped for a moment, then pivoted on his foot and headed in her direction. He’d never made a woman cry before today.

EMILY’S FACE FLUSHED with embarrassment as she watched him walking toward her. When was she ever going to feel—and act—normal again? She reached up and touched the scar on her forehead. Never.

The screen door slammed behind her, and Vera Detweiler joined her daughter on the porch.

“Who is that handsome fellow comin’ ’cross the yard?” Mamm smoothed the wrinkles in her brown apron. “I don’t recognize him.”

“I’m going in the haus.” Emily started to step around her mother, but felt a hand on her arm.

“Emily. That’s rude. Is this young man coming to see you? Did you meet him at the shop?”

Emily wiggled free of her mother’s grasp. “Ya. But he’s not very friendly, and I’d rather not talk to him.”

Mamm’s lips thinned. “Emily, how are you ever going to find a man and get married if you keep running away from everyone?” She softened her expression. “You must move past what happened.”

The man was nearing earshot, so Emily didn’t have a chance to respond.

“Guder mariye.” Mamm waved from the front porch. Emily didn’t think there was much good about this morning at all.

“ders hunched forward, his gaze landed on Emily. “I’m sorry for the way I acted back there.” He nodded toward the shop. “I’m just having a really bad morning. I didn’t mean to scare you.”Guder mariye to you.” He stopped in the yard and looked up at Emily and her mother. “I just wanted to come apologize to Emily.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and with his shoul

With renewed humiliation about her behavior, Emily looked away from him. When she turned back to face him, his gaze was still on her. “It’s all right,” she mumbled, casting her eyes to the ground, wishing she’d never have to see him again. Not much chance of that if he lives here.

Her mamm carefully eased down the porch steps, then extended her hand to him. “I’m Vera Detweiler.”

“David Stoltzfus. We just moved here yesterday from Lancaster County.” He latched onto Mamm’s hand, glanced at Mamm for a moment, then looked up at Emily.

Mamm turned her head and smiled. “That’s my daughter, Emily.”

As David’s hand dropped, he nodded in Emily’s direction. “Gut to meet you. And again, I’m sorry for the way I acted. I’m not normally like that.”

Emily drew in a deep breath and was about to speak when Mamm cut in.

“Come into the haus. Let me get you some hot kaffi. You can tell us about your family.”

Mamm started back up the porch steps and then turned around to see if David was following her. He hadn’t moved. Good. Maybe he’ll just head back to wherever he came from.

“Come in, come in,” Mamm coaxed with a wave of her hand. “We’re such a small community, we’re always anxious to meet new members.”

Emily held her breath, but David smiled and moved toward the steps. Mamm waited for him at the doorway and held the screen door for him to follow her in. Emily trailed slowly behind them.

“Emily, you keep David company while I go get us all a cup of kaffi. I have some on the stove.” Mamm smiled in a way that made Emily self-conscious, and she waited until her mother turned before she rolled her eyes.

“Uh, I can go if you want.” David arched his brows, holding his hat in his hands. “I saw the eye rolling thing.” Then he grinned.

Now that she was feeling safe inside with her mother, she allowed herself to notice the well-defined, boyish dimples on either side of his striking smile. Back in Middlefield, she might have responded to his good looks, but she was wiser now and knew that looks were deceiving.

“Mamm asked you to stay, so stay.” Emily pointed to the rocker in the corner of the room. She waited for him to sit down before she eased onto the couch across the room from him. She folded her hands in her lap, sighed, and then watched David tap his foot nervously against the wooden floor.

“So . . . Jacob tells me that there is a singin’ here on Sunday.”

Thanks a lot, Jacob. Emily forced a smile. “Ya.” She strained to see around the corner and into the kitchen. Mamm was placing three cups on a tray. “I reckon there won’t be many people here. It won’t be anything like you’re used to, I’m sure.” She turned back to him, narrowed her eyes, and frowned. “No outside games or anything. And mostly younger teenagers.”

“Kaffi for everyone.” Mamm hummed as she sauntered back into the den, then placed the tray on the coffee table. Emily wondered how much more transparent her mother could be. “Ach, I forgot the creamer. I’ll be right back.” Mamm scurried back to the kitchen about the same time Emily heard tiny feet jumping down the stairs. Betsy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and folded her arms across her chest.

“What are you doing here?” Betsy glared at David, who sat up a little taller when he saw her.

“Besty, Mamm invited him for kaffi. This is David Stoltzfus.”

“Betsy and I met earlier.” David smiled. “Although we weren’t properly introduced.” He stood up and extended his hand to Betsy, who ignored the gesture. She squinted her eyes and pressed her lips firmly together before she veered around him and plopped onto the couch beside Emily. David returned to the rocker as Betsy slid closer to Emily on the couch, then placed a protective hand on her sister’s knee. Emily’s heart was heavy as she put her hand on top of Betsy’s. I wish Betsy didn’t know something bad happened to me.

“Here we go.” Mamm returned carrying a white creamer in the shape of a cow, a trinket Mamm said her grandmother had given her. Emily disliked the creamer, and it embarrassed her every time her mother used it. When Mamm walked toward him, David held out his cup, and Emily stifled a grin as he eyed the cow.

“Interesting creamer.”

Mamm raised the tail end so that milk spewed out the cow’s mouth and into David’s cup. Mamm thanked him, although Emily wasn’t sure David’s statement had been a compliment.

“So where are you living? What homestead did you purchase, David?” Mamm sat down in the other rocking chair in the far corner.

David finished taking a sip of his coffee, then set the cup down on the table between him and Mamm. He shook his head before answering. “I don’t know who owned it before, but it’s a real mess. Needs lots of work.”

“Where ’bouts is it located?” Mamm crossed her legs as she sipped her coffee.

“If you head north toward that bakery that’s on the corner .  . .” David pointed to his right. “I can’t remember the name of it, but you turn on that street.” He scratched his forehead for a moment. “My family lives in the two story haus, the one that badly needs new paint. And my Aenti Katie Ann and Onkel Ivan moved into the smaller haus on the property.”

Betsy leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at David. “You bought that old place?” Betsy’s voice squeaked as she spoke.

Emily watched David’s cheeks redden. “Ya, I know. It’s in real bad shape. But we plan to start painting, and . . .” David let out a heavy sigh. “My stepmother, Lillian, ’bout fell over when we pulled in last night and she found out that there ain’t no indoor bathroom. Just an outhouse.”

Mamm set her coffee cup down and kicked her rocker into motion. “You said your stepmother?”

Since divorce wasn’t allowed, Emily knew David’s mother must have died, and she felt a wave of sympathy as she recalled the death of her grandmother two years ago.

“Ya. Lillian is great. Mei mamm died when I was eight, and Daed married Lillian about three years later.” He paused and the warmth of his smile echoed in his voice. “Everyone loves Lillian. She’s been a great stepmom, and I have two sisters now. Elizabeth is almost five, and Anna is seven, same age as Betsy.”

“I look forward to meeting all of them.” ious to meet Elizabeth and Anna.”Mamm returned the smile and then turned to Betsy. “I’m sure Betsy will be anx

Betsy’s eyes sparkled with mischief and grew rounder as she spoke. “Lizzie at my school said an evil witch used to live at that house.”

“What?” David cinched a brow and leaned forward.

“Betsy!” Mamm glared at her. “That’s enough!” She turned to David. “I apologize for mei maedel, David.” She faced off with Betsy again. “Where in the world do you hear such nonsense, such silliness that is not proper talk?” Then their mother straightened in her chair as she folded her hands in her lap. “I reckon to have a word with Magdalena about this.” She turned to David. “That’s Lizzie’s mamm,” she said as she cringed. “They’re from Missouri.” Then she shrugged, as if that explained it.

Canaan was home to Old Order Amish families from Pennsylvania, New York, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, and Missouri. Folks had slowly been settling in this southern part of Colorado for about seven years. From what Emily had learned over the past three months, some were buying land at cheaper prices than in their home state. Others said there was a shortage of land where they lived. And she’d recently met an older man and woman who left their Order in Indiana because they disagreed with the way their bishop was running the community. Then there were those folks who seemed to be running from something—like her own family. She instantly wondered which category David and his family fell into.

“David, how did you come to purchase the property?” Mamm tilted her head to the side as the tiny lines above her brows became more evident.

“My great-grandfather purchased it.” David shrugged. “I don’t think he ever saw the place. He bought it off a computer at the library before he died. Mei daed said Grandpa Jonas bought it mostly for the land, but said we’d have lots of work to do on the houses.” He shook his head. “But I reckon none of us knew it was gonna be this much work.”

Betsy chuckled. “That’s for sure.”

Mamm pointed a warning finger in her direction. “Be quiet, Betsy.” Her mother turned back to David and took a deep breath. “Well, as you know, we’re all about hard work, and I’m sure the community will pitch in and help.”

David’s mouth tipped up on the left side as he nodded. “We might need some help. I know mei daed and Lillian would appreciate it.”

Betsy crossed her small legs, pressed her lips together, then peered at David. Emily recognized the expression and feared Betsy was about to disobey their mother again.

“Lizzie said there are snakes in the basement that the witch collected, and I’m not going to that house.” She shook her head back and forth.

Mamm bolted upright from her chair, and Betsy’s face twisted into a frown. “Betsy! To your room. Right now. You are being rude.” Their mother pointed to the stairs as her face turned a bright shade of red. “There is a load of clothes on my bed that needs folding. Tell David good-bye.”

Betsy huffed and then stood up. She gave a quick wave in David’s direction; then she stomped across the room to the stairs. Mamm waited until Betsy was out of earshot before she turned her attention to Emily.

“Where does mei dochder come up with this silliness?” Mamm sighed. “I will most surely be havin’ a talk with Lizzie’s mother.”

Emily shrugged, and Mamm turned back to David. “I apologize for Betsy. We continue to scold her for making up such outrageous stories. Betsy is a smart girl, but she has a big imagination.” She took a deep breath and stood taller. “I’m sure that you and your family will make the haus into a wonderful home. And I’m sure the community will help you.”

David nodded with a half-smile, then stood up from the rocker. “I best be going. I’ve still got to go to Monte Vista for some supplies.”

Emily wasn’t surprised by his desire to get out of their house. He probably thought they were all a bit ab im kopp. He’d witnessed Emily react like a crazy woman earlier in the shop, and Betsy said there were snakes in his basement left there by an evil witch. Emily couldn’t help but grin. Maybe he wouldn’t come around too much.

But then there was tered what happened, Mamm. Always trying to make up for her family’s actions by running her perfect household with a smile on her face. Always perfect, always happy. It never matMamm carried on as the ideal fraa and mudder, with her flawless haus and her ability to pretend that everything was good . . . all the time. Betsy often made that difficult, but three months ago it had been Emily who challenged her mother to face tragedy and still keep a smile on her face.

“Wait right here.” Mamm jumped up and scurried toward the kitchen. Emily drew in a breath and blew it out slowly as she avoided David’s eyes on her. Don’t look at me. She wanted to reach up and cover the scar on her forehead, but doing so would only draw attention to it, so she fought the urge, leaned into the back of the couch, and kept her eyes down.

“Guess I’ll see you Sunday.” David smiled as he spoke, and Emily felt her chest tighten.

Her mouth dropped open slightly, but she quickly snapped it shut. After a moment, she said, “You won’t like the singings here. Hardly anyone comes.” She shook her head as she stood up and faced him. “I wouldn’t waste your time.”

“Jacob said there will be some single ladies here.”

Emily locked eyes with him for the first time since he’d arrived. Nervously, she moistened her dry lips and shrugged. “Maybe.” Then she looked away as her stomach churned, wishing he’d just leave and not come back. She knew his type. Charming and good-looking—but deceitful, which could cause a girl to let down her guard.

She shivered as a brief flashback threatened to squeeze her throat shut and leave her breathless, a feeling she’d had more than once.

“But you don’t want me to come on Sunday?” He rubbed his chin for a moment, then dropped his hand and fumbled with his hat.

Emily was relieved when Mamm walked back into the den.

“Here, David. You carry these things to Lillian.” meal cookies.” She smiled as David stood and accepted the bag. “And you tell Lillian to stop by anytime. And not to panic. We will all help you get things together at your new home.”Mamm pushed a large, brown paper bag toward him. “There are three loaves of bread, some pretzels, and a batch of my famous oat

“Danki, Vera. I know Lillian will be real appreciative.” He moved to leave, Mamm following. Emily was relieved when he was almost out the door.

He turned around before he pulled on the handle. “See you Sunday, Emily.” An easy smile played at the corners of his mouth. Emily bit her bottom lip, then forced a smile.

“Gut, gut.” Mamm gazed at him as if he were the answer to all her prayers.

Emily began to calculate. Today is Wednesday. Four days.

Four days to find an excuse not to be at her own house during the singing.

Two

LILLIAN HELD LITTLE ELIZABETH’S HAND AS THEY waited outside the outhouse for Anna. Elizabeth had no qualms about venturing across the front yard to their primitive accommodations, so Lillian couldn’t understand why her older daughter refused to make the trip by herself.

“Anna, are you almost done?” Lillian sighed and fought to tamp down her building anger about this move. She knew Samuel thought it was best for all of them, and she struggled not to question God’s will, but as she stood outside the boxlike structure with a half moon carved on the wooden door, she just shook her head.

“It’s stinky in here, Mamm.”

Lillian leaned her face closer to the door. “Then you best hurry, no?” She smiled down at Elizabeth; then she gazed across the snow-covered flatlands of their new home. She raised one hand to her forehead to block the sun’s glare. It was amazing how there could be so much snow on the ground and yet the sun was blazing down on them. It felt much warmer than Lillian knew it to be. She lifted her eyes to the mountains that surrounded them in every direction. Samuel said to think of it as the Promised Land, a place where they’d start anew and get out of debt. Every time she thought about their home in Lancaster County, her eyes watered up. Now was no exception.

She couldn’t fault her husband, though. After David’s kidney transplant five years ago, Samuel had struggled to keep up with everything. Samuel’s shunned brother, Noah, had donated one of his kidneys to David and had paid for most of the expenses related to the transplant surgery, the larger invoices that would have put a strain on the community health care fund. However, medical bills continued to trickle in long after the surgery, and David’s medications cost over a thousand dollars a month.

“But isn’t that what the health care fund is for?” she’d asked Samuel when she found out he’d taken out a mortgage on their home. Her husband didn’t feel comfortable extracting additional funds for follow-up care because several of the elderly folks in their district were receiving chemotherapy for cancer. Samuel also refused to allow his brother to continue paying the bills.

“Anna, aren’t you done yet, mei maedel?” Lillian knocked on the door.

“Almost.”

Elizabeth let go of her mother’s hand and reached down into the snow, piling a mound in her hands. “Elizabeth, don’t do that.” Lillian gently eased her up and brushed the snow from her black mittens. “We don’t know what’s underneath all this snow.” She glanced around the yard and focused on a pile of tin lightly covered in white powder. Junk. Everywhere.

The door swung open, and Anna jumped out, her cheeks a rosy shade of red. “It’s cold and stinky in there. When is Daed going to make us a bathroom?”

Not soon enough. “It’s the first thing on Daed’s list.” Lillian reached for Anna’s hand, and the three of them made their way back to the house, following the path that had been formed from prior trips to the outhouse today. As they crossed the yard, she looked to her left to see Katie Ann sweeping the porch of their home. The smaller house was about a hundred yards away, and from what Lillian had seen of it the night before, it was in much better shape than this oversized shack they were living in. But Samuel said that Katie Ann and Ivan didn’t need this big house since they didn’t have any children.

Lillian pulled on the screen door, pushed the door to the den open, and felt the musty smell of lingering water rush up her nostrils. Samuel temporarily repaired the leaky roof earlier that morning, but it was going to take a long time to rid the house of the dingy odor.

“Where do we hang our capes, Mamm?” Anna stared up at Lillian, batting her inquisitive eyes.

Lillian sidestepped a pile of boxes to her right. “Somewhere in all this mess, there is a hat rack. We’ll run across it. See if there are any pegs on the wall in the kitchen.” She pointed to her left. “And be careful where you step, Anna. Some of those boards in the kitchen feel loose. Step very carefully, honey, okay?” Lillian shook her head and grumbled. This house must be safe for my children. Her life back in Lancaster County was luxurious compared to this.

“Here you go, sweetheart. Let me help you.” Lillian untied the strings of Elizabeth’s bonnet, then removed her cape. They both followed Anna into the kitchen.

“No pegs, Mamm.” Anna held up her small black cape and bonnet.

Lillian sighed. “Here, give it to me. We’ll just put it here for now.” Lillian draped the items over the back of Samuel’s chair at the head of the table. At least their table, two backless benches, and two arm chairs were in place in the kitchen. She glanced at the box on the kitchen counter, the one with the broken plates inside, and supposed that if those were the only things damaged, she could live with it. The moving company had done an excellent job overall, but loading the buggies into the moving vans had been challenging. And Samuel had been visibly relieved when the horse trailer finally pulled up to their new house with his long-time horse, Pete, and two others inside.

“What’s that?” Anna pointed to an electrical outlet in the wall.

“It’s for electricity, like the Englisch use.”

“Why’s it here?”

Lillian smiled at her beautiful daughter whose prayer covering was on crooked. So many questions. She leaned down, straightened the kapp, and tucked Anna’s light brown strands beneath the covering. “The people who lived here before weren’t Amish, so they had electricity in the house. We won’t be turning it on, but those outlets are all over the house.” Lillian looked at the light bulb dangling from a cord above the kitchen table. She pointed to it. “See. They had lights.”

“It stinks in here too, Mamm.” Anna clamped her nostrils closed with her fingers.

Elizabeth copied her sister. “Ya, Mamm. Schtinkich.”

Lillian put her hands on her hips and sighed. She could either get upset or just try to go along with things and know that their lives were in God’s hands, and that His will would be done. She leaned down and tickled Anna and Elizabeth, bringing forth loud giggles. “Everything stinks to you two this morning, doesn’t it?” Lillian pulled both her girls into a hug and basked for a moment in the comfort of family, promising herself that there would be no more worrying. She had her husband and children, and they were all healthy and safe. So much to be thankful for.

“I love you both. It won’t be like this forever.” Lillian eased out of the hug. “Your daed should be home from town soon. He went to buy some plumbing supplies, and David should be back from the grocery store before long also.” She walked into the den, Anna and Elizabeth following, and picked up two boxes of old pictures from her former life, before she’d converted to the Amish faith and married Samuel. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go put these things in the basement.”

IT WAS THREE hours later when David turned into the driveway of what was supposed to be their new home. He grimaced as he maneuvered the buggy to the left of an old tractor partially covered in snow and blocking part of the driveway. The snow had stopped shortly after he left the Detweilers’ place, and the trip to Monte Vista hadn’t been as bad as he’d feared. It was longer than he cared for, but most of the snow on the roads had been cleared, pushed into mounds on either side. Now the sun shone brightly atop the glistening snow that surrounded their house.

Why here? He knew land prices were high in Lancaster County, and that farmland was becoming scarce there, but his father had plenty of land for all of them. It didn’t make any sense. He unhooked Buster and led the animal to one of the four rundown barns on the property, his black boots sinking to his ankles in the snow as he walked. Shaking his head, he couldn’t believe that his daed had sold their home in Lancaster County so quickly to make this move, despite David’s many objections. And why did Lillian go along with it? David recalled the look on her face when they pulled onto the property yesterday. He thought she might cry. Then she saw the outhouse, and David knew that it was only a matter of time before Lillian would convince his father to move back to Lancaster County. It had to be. At least he hoped so. Without his own money, David had no other choice but to live here too.

After he secured Buster, he started to walk toward the house when the sound of hoofbeats made him turn. His father was pulling up the driveway. As he waited, he scanned the yard around the house, much of which was covered in snow. But even the snow couldn’t hide the litter. A pile of tires, some old chairs, and a whiskey barrel were visible beneath a thin layer of white, and to his left was a pile of tin. So much debris to be carried off. Then there was the house. Badly in need of a new roof, new floors, and some insulation. In his upstairs bedroom, he had actually felt the frigid wind blowing through the cracks in the walls last night. Even the bathroom was poorly put together. It had a tub and sink with running water, but no toilet. Why? Wouldn’t it have been just as easy to put in a commode?

“How was your trip to town?” Samuel trudged across the yard with a smile stretched across his face.

“It’s a long way to Monte Vista from here.” David met his father in the yard and took two large plastic bags from him. His father balanced long white pipes across his shoulder, and David could see more of them hanging out of the back of the buggy.

“After you put those bags in the house, can you go get the rest of those pipes and haul them upstairs?”

“Sure, Daed.” David eased his way up the porch steps ahead of his father, then into the den.

“Samuel, is that you?”

“It’s both of us, Lillian. Daed is coming in behind me.” David held the door as his father wound through the threshold with the plastic piping still draped over his shoulder.

“Where’s the toilet?” Lillian met Samuel at the doorway.

His father put the piping down, then stroked his dark beard and grinned. “Toilet? I must have forgotten that.”

Lillian slapped her hands on her hips. “You better not have returned to this house without a toilet, Samuel Stoltzfus!”

Samuel pulled her into a hug and nuzzled her neck. “Or what?”

“No more meals until me and the girls have a toilet in this house! Do you hear me, Samuel?” She eased him away, but Daed grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her.

David shook his head. “Stop it. Not in front of your sohn.” He couldn’t help but grin. His father and Lillian were as happy and affectionate with each other as the day they’d gotten married. David regretted that he’d never have that, someone to love for a lifetime.

“Where are Anna and Elizabeth?” David set the bags on the floor with a thud, hoping to break up the smooching going on. “H-E-L-L-O?” He knocked on the wall beside him.

“Ach. Sorry, David.” Lillian grinned at David briefly, then turned back to Samuel and pushed him away. She put her hands back on her hips. “Where’s my toilet?”

“In the back of the buggy, mei lieb.” Samuel scooted past her. “Where are my girls?”

Lillian relaxed her arms at her side and smiled. “The nicest woman came by earlier. Her name is Vera Detweiler, and . . .”

“Ach! The groceries.” David moved toward the door. “I got everything on your list, and that woman you mentioned, I met her too. She sent some bread and stuff for you.”

“She told me. She said she decided to come by and see if she could help me with anything. She brought her little girl, Betsy.” Lillian laughed. “When she got here, Anna and Elizabeth were running around the boxes like wild animals. We talked for a while, and then she offered to take them to her house to play with Betsy so I could get some unpacking done.”

David turned around before he walked out the door. “Her daughter Betsy is nothing like Anna and Elizabeth.”

Lillian moved closer to the door, her forehead wrinkled. “What do you mean? Vera seemed very nice, and Betsy is seven, like Anna.”

“Seven going on seventeen.” David grunted. “She’s some sort of whiz kid. A bit of a smarty pants.”

Lillian cocked her head to one side. “I didn’t notice that about Betsy, but then she didn’t really say too much.” She looked toward the basement door. “Although she was rather obsessed about seeing our basement. I finally showed her, even though her behavior seemed to embarrass her mother.”

David shook his head as Lillian pushed a box out of the way with her foot.

“Well, Anna needs friends. I don’t think Elizabeth will have any trouble making friends when she gets into school next year, but Anna doesn’t warm up to people as quickly as Elizabeth. It will be good for her to have a new friend here, to help her get adjusted in her new school. Can you go pick up the girls around three at the Detweilers’ house?”

David took a deep breath. I’ve been traveling half the day. “Ya, I reckon so.” He turned to walk outside, and as he started down the steps, he heard Lillian yell, “Danki!” Back at the buggy, he draped four plastic bags over his wrist and carried Vera’s goodies in the other arm. Is this what he’d always be, their running boy, with no family of his own? No. As soon as he could get a job and save some money, he was heading back to Lancaster County. He would purchase a place of his own, and at least he’d be around other family and his friends in the beautiful place he’d been raised.

He thought about Anna and Elizabeth, and his stomach churned with anxiety. It would be hard to leave them, even harder than leaving his father and Lillian. When he was almost to the front porch, loud voices caught his attention, and he turned toward the smaller house on the property. He couldn’t make out what was being said, but Uncle Ivan and Aunt Katie Ann were definitely having words. Probably about living in this place. He’d never understood why his aunt and uncle wanted to make the move here either. This community wasn’t nearly as well-kept as Lancaster County. The mountains were nice, but the homes weren’t as attractive or bright as those in his hometown of Paradise. To give Canaan credit, Amish families had only begun settling here six or seven years ago, as compared to Lancaster County where generation after generation had lived, making it a draw for tourists. That’s one thing he didn’t miss. Tourists.

His father said that this move to Canaan represented new beginnings for all of them. But why did they need a new beginning? Everyone had been happy where they were.

He opened the front door, wound around the boxes in the den, and put the groceries on the kitchen table.

“ceries; then she opened Vera’s bag. “That was so nice of Vera. I really like her.” She pushed a box to one side and placed the items on the cracked blue tile that covered the counter. She turned to face David. “What did you think about the rest of Vera’s family?”Danki.” Lillian began unloading the store-bought gro

David shrugged. An image of Emily’s face flashed before him. He’d never seen a woman look so scared, but inside her house, she’d looked comfortable—yet she’d given him the cold shoulder. Last thing he was interested in was going to a Sunday singing, but he’d made sure to tell Emily he would be there. Why? Just to bug her? It was obvious she didn’t want him there. Lord, what is wrong with me? Please help me to shed all this bitterness. She was a strange girl, but it wasn’t like him to go out of his way to make someone uncomfortable.

“I didn’t meet Mr. Detweiler or Levi, the other son. I met Jacob, though. He seems like a nice guy. And I met the older daughter, Emily. I guess she’s close to my age.” David grabbed a soda from one of the bags, then held up his hands when Lillian frowned. “There’s no tea or anything, so I bought these with my money.” He’d only bought a couple of cans, but he knew that he needed to be more watchful of the small amount of money that he had. Once he had a job, he could start adding to it, and then get back home.

“It’s not the money. They’re just bad for you.” Lillian thrust her hands on her hips and stared down at a large, white ice chest filled to capacity. “We have to get a refrigerator we can hook up to the propane.” She pointed to the antique in the corner. “Don’t even open that refrigerator. I already made that mistake. The contents are unidentifiable, and it smells foul.”

“I’ll haul it out.”

Lillian smiled. “That would be great. Can you handle it by yourself?”

“Can you handle the smell?”

His stepmother giggled. “All I can do is laugh.” She glanced around the kitchen with its cracked countertops, cupboard doors with chipped blue paint that were hanging by a single hinge, and possibly worst of all, the blue and gold striped wallpaper. “If Bishop Ebersol could see us now.”

“Why’d you let Daed talk you into this?”

Lillian quickly turned away from him and ran her hand along a gas stove that had been there since way before David was born. Probably before Daed and Lillian were born. With her back to him, she shrugged. “Your daed thinks this is the best thing for us.”

“How can it be? I mean, look at this place, Lillian. It’s a wreck inside and out. Why would Daed—”

Lillian spun around, her eyes pleading with him. “David, we’ve been through all this. Please try to make the best of it.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “I will, but I just don’t understand why we have to.”

“We are hard workers, David. We will make this place into a beautiful home.” Lillian shoved a box out of the way with a hard push of her foot, and then she forced a smile. “Now, tell me about Emily. Vera said she’s nineteen. Is she nice?” Lillian grinned mischievously. “Is she pretty?”

David thought about Emily’s big brown eyes and how her cheeks flushed a dark pink color when he spoke to her.

“She’s pretty enough, I reckon. But she’s . . . different.” David pulled the bench out and straddled it. “She went nuts when I was in the store, acted like I was going to hurt her or something.”

“What?” Lillian sat down in the chair at the end of the table. “Why would she think that?”

David pulled off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “I was a bit of a jerk.” He watched Lillian’s expression sour. “But, Lillian, trust me. It was nothing to make her go all crazy the way she did.”

They sat quietly for a moment as Lillian twisted the strings on her kapp. Finally, she said, “Vera said they moved here from Middlefield, but I got the impression she wasn’t telling me the whole story, about why they moved.”

David scowled. “Is that so odd? I’m sure you and Daed aren’t telling me the whole story about why we moved here either.” He raised his brows, and Lillian looked away. She stood, then turned to the counter and began to nervously shuffle items around. I’m right.

“Well, I’m glad you’re going to the singing on Sunday. It will be good for you to meet some people your own age.” Lillian kept her back to him as she spoke.

“I guess.”

“Ach, cheer up. Don’t sound so gloomy.” She twisted her head around and smiled. “Maybe Emily is someone you’d like to get to know better.” Then her expression turned thoughtful, followed by a shadow of annoyance. “Maybe you can show her you’re not such a scary guy, although I can’t imagine why an Amish girl would be scared of an Amish man. It’s not our way to be aggressive.”

David thought about the scar that ran from Emily’s brow to her hairline. “I think someone must have been aggressive with her before.”

“Why do you say that?” Lillian leaned against the counter facing him and crossed her arms against her chest.

“She’s got a scar that runs from here to here.” He slid his finger from his brow all the way up to his hairline.

“That doesn’t mean she’s been hit. Accidents happen on farms all the time, you know that.”

“I reckon.” He paused. “But it would explain the way she acted around me.”

“Hmm . . .” Lillian turned back around and busied herself by pulling plates out of boxes. “Uh-oh. This is Katie Ann’s box.” She held up a large, white serving bowl. “This stuff is all hers. Can you run it over there, maybe after you get that smelly refrigerator out of here?”

“That’s me. The runner boy.” David pulled himself off the bench. Lillian walked over, leaned up, and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, David. Everything is going to be all right. I promise.”

“I know.” He eyed the old refrigerator and sighed.

KATIE ANN STEPPED out of the way so Ivan could pass her in the den. Once again, they’d spoken harshly to each other over a subject that wasn’t worth arguing about. Ivan couldn’t find any suspenders and had insisted that Katie Ann didn’t pack them. She knew she had.

Eventually a silent truce emerged, and they resumed the unpacking.

“Where do you want this box?” He stopped a few feet from her and heaved the box up to get a better grip.

“In the extra bedroom.” She pointed down the hall and watched him march that way. He hadn’t stopped working all day long, barely even ate any lunch. She didn’t have much food to offer since their arrival last night, but she’d scrounged up some bread she’d brought with her and opened a jar of peanut spread. “No, not that bedroom.” She edged toward the hallway. “That’s the baby’s—” She stopped herself. “I mean the sewing room.”

Ivan didn’t even turn around. He just kept going toward the room across from their bedroom. His broad shoulders disappeared around the corner. She waited.

When he never came out of the room, she tiptoed down the hallway and peeked around the corner. Her husband of almost twenty years was sitting in a chair next to the treadle sewing machine, surrounded by boxes. His elbows were propped on his knees, and his hands covered his face.

“Ivan?”

He looked up at her with tired eyes. “I’m just resting for a minute.”

“We don’t have to do all this today. Maybe we could take the buggy to town and have supper out. I’ll do a full round of shopping tomorrow and stock up on everything we need, no?”

He nodded, then slowly stood up. “That sounds fine.” He walked toward her, stopped and patted her arm, then moved out the door.

She rubbed the spot where his hand had just been and fought the buildup of tears in her eyes. She’d been so angry for so long, and now when she tried to put the past behind them, Ivan was as distant as she’d been before they moved.

Please, Lord, bless our new start. Help us to find each other again, to love each other the way a husband and wife should. Give me strength, Lord.

She left the room, but not before turning around and having a good hard look at her sewing room, with all the items necessary to make it just that. Her treadle machine, her comfy chair, baskets of yarn, boxes of material yet to be unpacked . . . Yes, everything to make this into a perfect sewing room. But all she could see—all she’d desired to see for so long—was a baby crib, a dresser with changing table and diaper bag hanging nearby, and tiny little clothes hung neatly on the pegs. But as she neared forty, her vision remained just that . . . a vision. She closed the door.

Her longing for a baby and her struggle with depression had almost cost her their marriage, but she couldn’t reconcile that with what Ivan had done. Somehow she had to find balance, solace, and a way to move forward in her life without a child. A way to mend her marriage. A way to forgive Ivan.

When she walked into the den, Ivan was opening the front door. Her nephew, David, walked in toting a box.

“Mamm said this is yours.” He handed the box to Ivan, who set it against the wall beside a lot of other boxes yet to be unpacked. Katie Ann watched David scan the den, then lean around and peer into the kitchen. “Wow. Nice place compared to ours.” He grinned.

“Tell Lillian that I will help her with that big haus. I know there is much to do.” Katie Ann moved toward David and touched his arm. She could still see him as a teenage boy, sick from kidney failure, which had been the scariest thing her family had ever gone through. And look at him now. A tall, handsome young man.

“I think if Daed can just get her a toilet put in, she’ll be okay.” He chuckled.

David was of marrying age now. She hoped he’d find someone special to share his life with. The thought made her mentally cringe in contrast with her own marriage.

“Does Samuel need me to come over now and help him put in a toilet? Let me get my jacket.” Ivan reached for his black coat thrown over the couch nearby.

“But . . . but I thought we were going to supper.” Katie Ann didn’t miss how fast Ivan put his jacket on and practically pushed David back toward the door.

“I’m sure Lillian has something to eat over there, no?” He turned his attention to David as he reached for his hat.

“Sure. Not much. But we won’t go hungry.” David eased his way out the door, but then stepped back in. “Katie Ann, you wanna come?” Katie Ann stared at the back of Ivan. He continued down the snow-covered sidewalk without even turning around. She forced a smile. “No, David. But danki. I think I’ll eat a sandwich and unpack some more boxes.”

“Okay.” He turned and followed Ivan, closing the door on his way out.

Katie Ann stood on shaky legs, looking at the door. How dare he treat her like this? How dare he blame their discord completely on her? She wasn’t the one who had been unfaithful.

Three

EMILY FINISHED FOLDING A LOAD OF CLOTHES SHE’D piled on the bed, then she headed downstairs to check on Betsy and her two new friends. The youngest Stoltzfus girl was entertaining herself with some of Betsy’s building blocks, but Anna was sitting cross-legged in front of Betsy, her eyes wide.

“The Bible doesn’t say that,” Betsy was saying. She flung her hands in the air. “It says for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, not forgotten Son.” She shook her head as she pushed the Bible in Anna’s direction. “See?” She pointed to the middle of the page.

Betsy had read the Bible three times cover to cover, but the biggest problem with being a seven-year-old who knew everything was that other seven-year-olds did not.

“Betsy, are you being sweet to your new friends?”

Her little sister sighed, then tipped her chin upward to meet Emily’s eyes. “Of course.”

“I’m thirsty.” Anna rubbed her eyes as she spoke.

Betsy sat up taller. “We’re almost done. ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not—’ ”

“Betsy! Get your friend a drink if she’s thirsty.” Emily put her hands on her hips. “Be nice.” It was no wonder Betsy had trouble making friends. Her younger sister was sensitive, protective of those she loved, but entirely too smart for her own good and often misguided in her attempts to form friendships.

Betsy closed the book and slowly rose from the floor. “I’ll be right back.” She padded across the wooden floor in her black socks, but before she reached the kitchen, she turned to face Anna. “Do you know how many days it takes to form a habit?”

Emily glanced at Anna while straightening some magazines on the small table next to the rocker, curious what Anna’s response would be to Betsy’s off-the-wall question.

Anna’s sweet little face flushed red, and she tucked her chin. “I don’t know.”

“Betsy, does it really matter?” Emily plopped down in the rocker and sighed. “Go get your friends something to drink. I put some paper cups and a small pitcher of tea on the table for you and your friends earlier.”

“Twenty-one days.” Betsy gave a nod toward them. “It takes twenty-one days of doing a particular task before it becomes a habit.” She spun around on her heels and headed toward the kitchen.

Emily feared Betsy was never going to make real friends.

“I like Betsy.” Anna’s face glowed. “She’s so smart.”

Emily stifled a grin. “Ach, she’s smart all right.” She put her elbows on her knees and leaned closer to Anna. “So, how do you like your new haus?”

Anna bit her bottom lip for a moment. “We don’t have a bathroom.”

“That’s what I heard from your brother.” She leaned back in the rocker. “But isn’t your daed going to put a toilet inside the house?”

“I think so.” Anna leaned back on her hands.

Five-year-old Elizabeth walked to Emily’s side. “It’s stinky in the bathroom in our yard.” She put her hand on the arm of the rocker.

Emily patted Elizabeth’s hand, smiling. “I’m sure your daed will have you an indoor bathroom very soon, no?”

A knock at the door sent Emily’s pulse racing. She’d heard her mother say earlier that David would be coming to pick up his sisters. Both girls raced to the door, and Anna pulled on the knob. “David!”

Emily stood up and walked toward the door and watched as both girls wrapped their arms around their brother’s legs, squealing and carrying on as if they hadn’t seen him in days or weeks. David leaned down and pulled them into a group hug.

He seems like a good man.

“Did you girls have fun?”

Anna pulled away from him and stood tall. “Did you know that it takes twenty-one days to form a habit?” Her bright blue eyes sparkled.

David looked Emily’s way for the first time, smiled, then looked back at Anna. “Is that so?”

Emily shrugged, looked at David briefly, but quickly pulled her gaze away. “A little something she learned from Betsy.”

Betsy entered the room toting two paper cups. “Here.” She offered one to Anna and one to Elizabeth.

“ters, so Emily allowed her eyes to drift in his direction. She jumped when she heard the back door slam and turned to see her mother lugging in two logs from the woodpile out back.Danki,” they both answered as they eased away from their brother and accepted the drinks. David was watching his sis

“Going to be cold tonight.” Mamm stopped when she saw David, and her voice oozed as she spoke his name. “David, how gut to see you. I see you’ve come for the girls.”

David narrowed the gap between them. “Here, let me.” He lifted the logs from Mamm.

“Why, danki, David.” Her syrupy tone evoked an eye roll from Emily. She watched David place the logs in the carrier next to the fireplace.

“David, do we have a toilet yet? Did room?” Little Elizabeth tugged on her brother’s pant leg.Daed make us a bath

David scooped her into his arms. “Daed and Onkel Ivan are working on that right now.”

“Yay!” Anna jumped in the air.

Betsy crossed the room and stood right in front of Anna. “Next time we will go over Corinthians, and—”

“Betsy, I’m sure Anna doesn’t want to have Bible study every time she comes over.” Emily frowned at her sister, but Anna reached out and grabbed both of Betsy’s hands. To Emily’s surprise, Betsy didn’t pull away and instead just smiled.

“I don’t mind.” Anna faced Betsy as the girls swung their hands from side to side. “I like to learn things from Betsy.”

Betsy’s face lit up, and it warmed Emily’s heart. But this would mean seeing David more, and that was something she was confused about. His sisters clearly adored him, and he’d certainly won over her mother. But that made him all the more dangerous for her to be around. If he truly was a good person, someone she could care about, then there would be nothing but heartache in it for her. She was damaged. Ruined for any man. She reached up and touched the scar on her head, wishing instantly that she hadn’t. When she pulled her hand down, she glanced at David. His expression was filled with pity, and that’s one thing she didn’t need.

“Excuse me.” She turned to head up the stairs.

“See you Sunday, Emily.”

That’s what you said this morning, yet here you are already.

She didn’t turn around.

BETH WISEMAN 40

VERA WATCHED AS David loaded Anna and Elizabeth into the buggy, and she wondered what really had brought his family to Canaan. Lillian had said they all needed a fresh start, but Vera recognized the hesitancy in Lillian’s voice. How many times over the past three months had Vera responded this same way when someone questioned their move from Middlefield? She waved from the porch as David and the girls pulled out, then she headed back inside to see that Emily had returned from upstairs. Her daughter was curled up on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her, with the familiar sense of sadness in her expression that kept Vera up at night. She sat down beside Emily.

“Where’s Betsy?” Vera tucked one leg under herself and twisted to face Emily.

“She went upstairs. She said she was going to read a book.”

Vera sighed. “I hope it’s one we’ve approved.” She shook her head. “That maedel just can’t seem to soak up enough knowledge, but I don’t want her reading about the wrong things.”

They sat quietly for a moment, and Emily was far away, in a place that didn’t exist until three months ago, and Vera longed for a way to make everything the way it was before.

“Do you know what I think we need?” She gave Emily a quick pat on the leg, then stood up. “We need a slice of snitz pie with a big scoop of ice cream on it.” She shrugged. “So what if it’s snowing outside. Pie and ice cream sounds gut just the same.”

“I don’t want any, Mamm.” Emily continued to stare into nothingness, and Vera recalled a time when Emily thought there wasn’t an ailment that snitz pie and ice cream wouldn’t cure.

“Are you sure? Because you know when your daed and Levi get home, they’re going to dive into the rest of that pie, and we’ll be lucky to get any at all.”

“I’m sure.” Emily tucked her bare feet beneath her dress as she stayed curled up on the couch.

“You need socks on, Emily. I’ll go get you some.” Vera turned to head up the stairs.

“Mamm, I don’t need socks. I don’t need pie. I’m fine.” Emily straightened her legs out and put her feet on the floor. She gazed up at her mother. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a bath before Levi gets home and hogs the bathroom.”

Emily stood up, and Vera watched her trudge up the stairs as if taking a bath was her most dreaded chore. That’s how Emily approached everything these days.

Please, Lord, let her forgive, forget, and move forward.

Though she tried to keep it out of her mind, Vera found herself thinking about what had happened to her daughter. It made her weak in the knees. And at those times she allowed herself to visualize it, she felt nauseous and angry beyond anything that God would approve of. With each wicked image of her baby girl being taken advantage of in such a way, Vera found herself having thoughts that were not in line with her upbringing, which was something that kept forgiveness just out of her reach.

AFTER HER EARLY bath, Emily closed the door to her room, thankful that she didn’t share a room with Betsy, as she’d done in Middlefield. This house was no bigger than the one back home, but was laid out in such a way that five small bedrooms allowed each one of them to have their own space.

She laid down on her bed and cupped her hands behind her head, knowing she didn’t have long before it would be time to help her mother with supper. Her stomach rumbled at the thought of food, but she already knew that once she sat down to eat, she wouldn’t feel hungry anymore. The image of James sitting across from her at the diner would always slam into her mind, and she’d lose any appetite she’d worked up.

She recalled how flattered she’d been when James asked her to go on a real date. What she wouldn’t give to go back in time. Her first mistake had been to lie to her parents about her whereabouts. She’d never lied to her folks, or anyone, prior to that. But she knew her father wouldn’t have approved of her missing her Uncle Abram’s birthday supper to go on a date with James Miller or anyone else. That’s why God had punished her. For lying.

Emily recalled her words exactly. “Daed, I’m sick to my stomach. I’m not going to be able to go tonight.” Her mother had come into her room shortly after, toting a tray with chicken soup, crackers, and hot tea, which only added to her building guilt. But it was James Miller. She had to go. And it was only a few blocks walking distance to the small diner where they’d planned to meet.

She clamped her eyes closed and fought the onslaught of images dumping into her thoughts. A simple kiss. Her first kiss. A kiss that went terribly wrong.

Every horrible detail was carved into her mind.

She repeated the words she’d said over and over since that night in September.

“I forgive you, James. I forgive you.”

Hopefully someday she would mean it.

But she would never tell. She’d never tell who her attacker was. The policemen had questioned her over and over again and said there would be a meeting in front of a judge to decide what would happen to the person who’d hurt Emily. She wasn’t sure she heard everything the policeman said that day, but she did hear the part about how she would have to tell a roomful of people what James did to her, and that was more than she would be able to bear. And what would James’s parents think? Would James be shunned? Neither Emily nor the members of their small district would have been able to endure it. So she told yet another lie. “I took a walk to get some fresh air,” she’d said. “And . . . I didn’t know him . . .”

Emily heard her father and Levi talking with her mother downstairs, so she slowly rose from the bed to go help with supper. On her way down the stairs, she bumped into Levi coming up. As usual, he avoided looking at her. Was the scar on her face so repelling that her own brother couldn’t look at her? She’d even overheard their mother speaking to him about his attitude, saying that he needed to act as normal as possible and to stop looking so sullen.

That was Mamm’s answer. Pretend it didn’t happen, and it will eventually go away.

Emily didn’t think so.

When she entered the kitchen, her father was removing his black coat and black felt hat, both dotted with melted snow. He turned in her direction.

“Mei maedel, how was your day?”

Emily found her father’s question so sincere. He wasn’t avoiding her pain.

“It was gut, Daed.” She smiled, knowing it was a partial lie, but justified her words with the fact that parts of the day had been bearable. Emily tried to stay upbeat around her father. She knew that he was devastated about what had happened to her. He never tried to hide his pain, and he silently understood hers. But she chose not to hide her misery from her mother. Maybe just once, Mamm could talk to her about it, comfort her, tell her that she wasn’t the ruined woman she knew herself to be. Instead, always laughter. Always happy. And Emily resented her mother more and more each day.

Everyone knew Betsy was coming when the china in the cabinet began to rattle. She hopped down the stairs, both feet hitting each step at once, and then skipped across the den to the kitchen.

Betsy knew something bad had happened to Emily. It was the first and only time Betsy had ever seen a police car, and everyone was crying. Besides Emily, Levi had cried the hardest, even pounding his fist into the wall. Daed had overlooked Levi’s aggression in light of everything.

“I’m going with Emily in the car with the lights!” Betsy had screamed that night as she clung to Emily’s blue dress. That was the last thing Emily remembered before she passed out and woke up at the hospital. She threw the blue dress in the garbage two days later.

“Emily, did you hear me?” Her mother slapped her hands to her hips.

“Huh?”

“Please put the chow-chow, jams, and jellies on the table.” ter. “Betsy, can you put the butter bread on the table, please?”Mamm shook her head, then pointed to the bread on the coun

Emily realized that she’d come downstairs too late to help with supper preparation. She used to love cooking for others, but since she wasn’t fond of eating these days, the cooking wasn’t as fulfilling as it used to be. Just the same, her parents expected her to help with the meals, and she shouldn’t have been late.

Levi came downstairs a few minutes later, and everyone took their seats. Emily sat next to Betsy on one wooden bench, Levi and Jacob across from them on the other bench, and her parents at opposite ends of the table in arm chairs that her father and Levi had built.

“Let us pray.” The family bowed their heads.

Once they’d all prayed silently, her mother picked up a large pan of meatloaf. “Levi’s favorite tonight.” She smiled at Levi as she passed him the casserole dish, a glimmer of hope in her eyes that perhaps Levi would try to be happy, but once again he let her down.

Emily wanted to scream at him. Why are you so unhappy? Nothing happened to you! Stop acting this way! But she reminded herself that she didn’t have the exclusive right to be miserable. Maybe there was something going on with Levi that no one knew anything about. Maybe he was more upset about leaving Middlefield than he’d let on.

“I have news.” Their father lifted his brows and glanced around the table as he let Mamm spoon some potatoes onto his plate. “We have enough money in our community fund to start construction on the new schoolhouse when the weather clears, and I have six people in our community committed to helping out on Saturdays.” Daed shook his head. “If we were in Middlefield, gathering workers wouldn’t be a problem, but there just aren’t very many of us here. But a nice Englisch fellow volunteered to head up the project. He’s been a carpenter all his life, so we’re in good hands.” Then Daed smiled, as was his way. Her father always recognized the hardship of a given situation, but then he’d find a way to make the best of it. Emily was sure that her father believed he could turn anything bad into something positive. She knew it frustrated him that he couldn’t do this for her. But Emily found Daed’s approach to life endearing. It was as if he was saying, “I’m sorry something bad happened to you. I care, and I love you. It’s okay to feel it, and I’m going to do my best to keep things going around here.”

She recalled a time when she wasn’t much older than Betsy. It was the first year she’d helped her mother plant a garden, and Emily had insisted that they have watermelons, something they usually didn’t plant. She could still remember her father’s excitement when the first sprig of growth popped through the soil. They all worked hard to avoid pride, but her father had kept Emily’s first watermelon on display on the kitchen counter for so long that it almost became inedible. He showed it to everyone who came to visit. “Mei maedel grew this. It’s the finest watermelon I’ve ever seen,” he’d said. Emily could still recall how proud she felt, and within a few years, she was completely in charge of the garden. Jacob did the tilling, but Emily did all the planting and harvesting, and her appreciation for the soil paralleled her father’s. Many evenings they sat on the front porch after supper, and Emily would tell him about her garden, and her father would talk about the plentiful crops he had going in the fields. Working the land brought a profound sense of stewardship and close connection to God. Emily wondered if she would capture any of those precious moments in this new place when spring arrived.

In Middlefield, her father and brothers had worked the land full-time, but here in Canaan, Daed and Levi also had the construction and solar panel business they would be tending to, in addition to farming. Jacob was to tend the store with Emily and split his time in the fields. Daed said these changes were necessary until they knew how their crops would fare in this new climate.

“There’s a new family in town, Elam.” Mamm sat up taller. “They have a daughter, Anna, who is Betsy’s age, another daughter who is five named Elizabeth, and . . .” Her eyes twinkled with hope. “And a young man named David who will be coming to our singin’ this Sunday. He’s Levi’s age, I believe.” She smiled in Emily’s direction.

“He seems like a gut fellow.” Jacob reached across Emily and began to spoon potatoes onto his plate.

Emily glowered at him. “I could have passed you the bowl.” She leaned back as his arm came much too close to her glass of milk.

Jacob didn’t react to her comment and instead piled another heap of potatoes on his plate. “Maybe he’ll help us with the schoolhouse. I’ll ask him Sunday when he’s here.”

Emily saw Levi scowl, but he didn’t say anything.

“The mother’s name is Lillian.” Her mother shifted her weight in the chair. “And listen to this! She actually converted from the Englisch world about eight years ago, then married David’s father, Samuel.” Mamm cocked her head to one side and pressed her lips together. “So interesting. I’ve never known anyone who came from the other side.”

“I’m teaching the girls about the Bible.” Betsy raised her small chin and smiled at their father.

Emily remembered Betsy’s Bible lesson with Anna. “Betsy, why don’t you just behave like a normal little girl, play and have fun when you have friends over?” She knew the question was harsh, and there was that word again—normal. When Betsy’s mouth fell into a frown, she softened her tone. “I mean, I’m sure Anna and Elizabeth’s parents teach them about the Bible at their own home. Maybe they’d like to put a puzzle together or play a game?”

Betsy scrunched her face into a pout. “You can’t learn much by doing that.”

“Sometimes you just need to have fun, Betsy.” Emily took a small bite of meatloaf.

Levi grunted as he reached for a slice of bread. “Maybe you oughta take your own advice.”

Emily slammed her fork down. “You’re not exactly running around here all happy, Levi. Maybe you best not tell me how I’m supposed to feel, or act, or be . ..” She felt tears building in the corners of her eyes.

“That’s enough,” Mamm warned each of them. “This is not proper behavior for the supper table.”

Jacob pushed his plate back. Her oldest brother didn’t like any type of confrontation, and Emily saw him cringe before he quickly bowed his head in silent prayer, then excused himself. “I’ll go get the horses secured in the barn. Supposed to be real cold tonight, I heard.”

“That’s what I heard too.” Mamm pointed toward the den. “I already hauled in some extra logs.”

Emily watched as Jacob pushed his chair in and left the room. She’d never been as close to Jacob as she was to Levi, but all that had changed recently. When Levi withdrew inside himself for reasons none of them could understand, Jacob had stepped in and seemed to silently understand Emily’s pain. He was much like their father in that regard.

She didn’t hear much of the rest of the conversation. She picked at her food, but for once, there was no ugly replay going on in her mind. Instead, she was thinking about David Stoltzfus. A handsome, single man. And, apparently, a nice person. But Emily knew that she needed to avoid him, not get close to him. She reached up and grazed the scar with her finger. What would someone like David Stoltzfus want with her anyway?

Just the same, she planned to avoid the singing on Sunday somehow.

DAVID HAD NEVER seen a group of women so excited about a commode before.

Lillian rushed to Anna and Elizabeth the minute they walked in with him. “We have a bathroom in the haus, mei maedels!” She pointed toward the stairs. “Go see!”

Anna and Elizabeth squealed all the way up the steps as Lillian followed.

“Glad to make the women folk happy.” His father rounded the corner from the kitchen toting a steaming cup in his hand. “We just got here yesterday, but they made it clear that it was their first priority.” Daed chuckled, then surveyed the den. Boxes were everywhere, but David knew his father was looking beyond the obvious clutter. “Lots of work to do on this haus, son.”

David sighed. “Where do we start?” He scanned his immediate surroundings. Wooden floors rotted in places, cabinet and screen doors barely on their hinges, and chips of blue paint falling from the wood-planked walls. He could even feel cold air from outside seeping between the cracks as they stood there.

“Tomorrow I think we best start caulking these walls. We’re gonna have a hard winter to go through, and best to get things weathertight before we worry about the looks of the place.”

David nodded. “Sounds gut.” He looked toward the kitchen. “I don’t smell any supper,” he said in a whisper.

“Lillian said she can’t cook in the kitchen with all the clutter, so we’re having ham sandwiches. It’s all laid out. I’m sure we’ll eat after Anna and Elizabeth both try out the new toilet.”

David rubbed his belly and looked around. “Onkel Ivan go back to his haus? I thought he might stay for supper.”

“He went home, mumbling something about taking Katie Ann out to eat.” Daed’s brows furrowed as he walked closer to David. He lowered his voice. “I think your aenti and onkel are having some problems. We need to offer extra prayers for them.”

“What do you mean ‘problems’? In their marriage?” That seemed unlikely to him, but his father nodded. David stared at a spot on the floor. “Is it serious?”

“I don’t know. Ivan won’t talk to me about it, but I’ve sensed unhappiness between them for a while now.” Daed rubbed his forehead. “I think that’s the reason they wanted to make this move with us, for a fresh start.”

“That makes sense.” David lifted his chin, putting him almost eye to eye with his father. He couldn’t resist asking, “You and Lillian havin’ trouble too? Is that why we had to make this fresh start?” He knew good and well that his father and Lillian were as happy as any married couple could be, but this was his roundabout way of getting the truth, he hoped.

“David, I know you don’t believe that, and we’ve been over this a hundred times. There needs to be enough land for everyone, and prices are—”

“I know, Daed. That’s what you keep telling me.” He ran a hand through his hair; then he shook his head. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up for supper.”

David walked up the stairs to his room. He eyed the bed, dresser, and nightstand he’d brought from Lancaster County, then glanced at a rolltop desk that had been left in the far corner of the room by the prior owners. It was a battered piece of furniture that badly needed refinishing. He tossed his coat and hat onto the bed, since there was nowhere else to hang them, and wandered down the hall to the bathroom, glad the girls had cleared out.

He inspected the new toilet. One toilet was better than no toilet. Maybe they’d get another bathroom put in downstairs soon. He twisted one lever of the antique faucet, and cold water slowly trickled out, splashing onto the rusted porcelain below. Then he turned the other lever, hoping for hot water. After a couple of minutes, he gave up and ran his hands under the droplets, gasping as he brought a handful of icy water to his face. He picked up a green towel draped across the sink and patted his face dry.

He could hear everyone gathering in the kitchen downstairs, and his stomach rumbled full force.

LATER THAT NIGHT David popped a handful of medicines into his mouth, the same thing he did every night and every morning. That’s the way it would be for the rest of his life, however long that would be. He swallowed the four pills with a glass of water and thought of the conversation he’d overheard between his father and Lillian five years ago. He’d only been home from the hospital about a week, and his fifteen-year-old mind hadn’t really considered what he’d been through.

“I don’t care what the doctors say,” he’d heard Lillian say. “Ten years is only the average time that a kidney will last.”

Hearing those words had been difficult. Not just about the kidney transplant, but realizing that his chances of living a full life had been cut short. He’d decided on that day that he was not going to get married. He remembered when his mother died and how that destroyed his father. He wanted to avoid inflicting that type of hurt on someone. When he heard Lillian speak his fate, he came to terms with it. He’d accepted God’s will, and he planned to be the best man he could be, void of any long-term goals or commitments.

He turned up the lantern on his nightstand and glanced around at all the boxes he had yet to unpack. Hard to believe they’d only arrived last night. Today had been a full day. He thought about Emily and the way she’d reacted this morning. He picked up the bottle of prednisone on his nightstand. The doctor had warned him that his new dose was fairly high and could cause him to be unusually irritable. He set it down and decided he would watch out for any signs that the medication was causing him to be bad-tempered, even though he didn’t really think his conduct should have been enough to make Emily cry. Maybe Sunday he’d learn more about her.

Four

EMILY HELPED BETSY INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THEIR covered buggy, then reluctantly crawled into the front seat with her mother, bumping her head on the metal enclosure as she got in.

She rubbed the spot, wishing she didn’t have to attend Sister’s Day.

“It will be gut for you to be around Beth Ann and the other girls, Emily.” Mamm got comfortable in the seat, then flicked the reins until the buggy began to slowly pull forward. “I was going to ask Lillian to join us for Sister’s Day, her and the girls, but I reckon she probably has too much to do.”

“All Beth Ann does is talk about hers and Jacob’s wedding plans.” Emily sighed. “I’m sick of hearing about it.”

“Beth Ann is going to be your brother’s fraa, your sister-in-law. You should be sharing in their happiness. Their wedding is only a month away, and it will be a joyous occasion.” Her mother sat up in the seat and smiled. “Even if it is a bit of a whirlwind courtship.”

Emily still couldn’t believe that Jacob was marrying Beth Ann after only knowing her three months, but everyone loved Beth Ann, and Jacob was happy.

Mamm picked up the pace and guided the buggy down the cleared driveway. Emily had heard her brothers shoveling snow early that morning.

“I think Beth Ann is going to be a gut mamm.” Betsy leaned forward between Emily and their mother. “I hope they have kinner right away.” She leaned back again. “You know, in nine months after their wedding. That’s how long it takes for a baby to grow inside the mother’s womb.”

Emily snapped her head around. “Don’t you think we know that, Betsy?”

“You don’t have to yell at me!” Betsy opened her mouth and let out an ear-piercing scream, which she was known to do when she was mad. For someone as smart as Betsy, Emily thought, she can certainly be an immature brat.

“Betsy! What have I told you about that screaming?” Mamm turned her head to face Betsy. “I will not have that, mei maedel. You cannot just scream like that when you are mad. Do you hear me?”

Betsy let out a heavy sigh. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I don’t know why the three of us just can’t have a nice day and everyone be in a gut mood and get along, as it should be.” Mamm shook her head, then sat up taller in the seat and lifted her chin. “This will be a gut day, and we will all be happy, no?” She glanced back at Betsy before raising her brows in Emily’s direction.

“Mamm, you can’t force happiness on everyone around you.” Emily pulled her eyes away and folded her arms across her chest, squeezing tight in an effort to warm herself.

They rode silently for a while, and as ner, Emily gazed past the flat, snow-covered San Luis Valley toward the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to her east. She closed her eyes and envisioned herself climbing to the top of one of the peaks. At around eleven thousand feet, she imagined she’d be nearer to heaven and would feel closer to God.Mamm turned a cor

It was a silly thought, but she longed to climb the mountains just the same.

“I’m glad we don’t live in that house where the witch used to live.” Emily turned around in time to see Betsy pointing to the homestead that David and his family now owned.

“Betsy!” Mamm groaned. “Do not refer to the Stoltzfuses’ home in that manner again, and especially don’t use those words in front of the other women today.” Mamm put the reins in one hand, then rubbed her forehead with her other hand. “There is no such thing as witches.”

Emily made the mistake of giggling.

Mamm yanked back on the reins and slowed the horse, then came to a complete stop as they neared a stop sign. “Do you think this is funny, Emily?”

Emily shrugged. “Ya, I guess I do.”

“You are being disrespectful, both of you.” Mamm twisted her body in the seat to face Emily, then looked back and forth between Emily and Betsy in the backseat. “I want this to be a gut day.”

“Why does every day have to be a gut day for you, Mamm?” Emily threw her hands in the air. “I don’t always have gut days, but Betsy did something I thought was funny, so I giggled.” She paused, raised her brows. “But unless the happiness is on your terms, in your perfect little world, then it’s not all right.”

Emily had never spoken to her mother like that before. Mamm’s eyes rounded, her lips pressed tightly together, and she took a deep breath. “Emily . . .” She breathed in again. “Our Lord would not approve of the way you’re behaving, and—”

There was a calmness in her mother’s tone that only caused Emily to react even more harshly. “He wouldn’t approve of the way you act either, Mamm! How can you always be happy after what happened to . . .” She glanced at Betsy, whose bottom lip was quivering. Emily let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t always be happy, Mamm.”

“We need to pray, girls.” Her mother bowed her head.

Emily shook her head as she opened the door of the buggy. Like so many other times in the past three months, she didn’t want to talk to God. There were no cars anywhere in sight on the rural road, and she stepped out of the buggy. “I’m not going.”

Mamm raised her head as her eyes grew wide. “Emily, you get back in this buggy!”

“I can’t do it today, tend.” She bent at the waist and held her stomach for a moment, then rose up when she heard her mother’s door slam.Mamm! I just can’t! I don’t want to go be around Beth Ann and everyone else, to have to smile and pre

Mamm rounded the back of the buggy. “Emily, please just get back in the buggy.”

“I can’t.” Emily moved slowly away from her mother. “Not today.”

“How will I explain your absence at Sister’s Day?” Mamm thrust her hands on her hips, atop her heavy black coat.

Emily’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you, Mamm. You just don’t get it! And all you’re worried about is how to explain why I’m not there?” Emily kept easing backward, then turned and started walking briskly back home, trying to avoid patches of snow still left on the asphalt.

Her mother called after her, and Emily could hear Betsy screaming again, but she just kept walking, the frigid wind burning her cheeks, tears streaming down her face.

DAVID WAS GLAD to be working outside, feeling the sun on his back. His father and Lillian had decided to take Anna and Elizabeth with them to town this morning before getting started on the caulking or resuming the unpacking. He lifted his black boot high, then sank it into fresh snow and stopped to put his hand to his forehead. To the west stood the San Juan Mountains, capped in white, with sparse sprigs of greenery on the lower peaks. Though he wasn’t thrilled about his new home, the massive mountain ranges in every direction were awe-inspiring, and he liked the way the sun blazed down from blue skies, making the snow glisten like glitter for as far as he could see.

He pulled on the barn door, then pulled again. When it wouldn’t budge, he leaned down and hand-shoveled snow until the door opened enough for him to squeeze through the opening. Benches and tables that they’d brought from Lancaster County were stacked on one side of the barn. He doubted they would need half of the tables and chairs whenever it came their turn to hold worship service. His father had already told him that there weren’t many folks in the area, and only a few families made up the district here. Because of that, David felt a sense of isolation. Despite the beauty of the mountain ranges, he found himself struggling not to see the high peaks as borders of entrapment. On the other side of the barn, there were a few boxes that he needed to bring into the house, and in the corner were some rusted tools and empty barrels left by the prior owner. He glanced around the rest of the barn, surprised by how clean it was in comparison to the house. Maybe I’ll just live out here. He grinned to himself as he made his way to the horses stabled on the far side.

Pete, his father’s horse, had been around for as long as David could remember, and his own horse, Buster, was a fine animal that David received for his sixteenth birthday. Jelly Bean— named by Anna, who preferred that food over any other—was their newest horse, but not yet buggy broken.

“Hello, Jelly Bean.” David stroked the horse on the snout, then checked the water and feed for all three. He glanced around the barn again and decided some of the old debris outside could be stacked in the barn for now.

He made his way back into the yard to start hauling some of the junk inside, things that Anna and Elizabeth might get hurt on. That’s when he saw a girl walking down the street.

Emily?

EMILY KNEW SHE would be reprimanded when her mother returned home from Sister’s Day later this afternoon, and she regretted the way she’d spoken to her, but she was so tired of pretending that she was happy. She’d been raised to believe that everything was God’s will, even the really bad things. But she just couldn’t wrap her mind or heart around how God’s will could include what had happened to her. She prayed at every meal and during their devotion time, but something had changed. Her communion with God was not the same.

She pulled her black coat tighter around her. It was starting to snow again, so she pulled the rim of her black bonnet down and tucked her chin to avoid the cold flurries showering her face. She folded her arms across her chest and clutched her elbows, shivering as she walked down the road. She thought of Sister’s Days back home in Middlefield. About once a month the women would gather, visiting and canning, quilting, or perhaps even cleaning house for someone who was unable. It was always filled with laughter and fellowship, and she couldn’t remember ever missing the occasion. But that was when she had her entire life ahead of her. Today it would have been too much to listen to Beth Ann recite every detail of her upcoming wedding.

James’s face flashed in her mind, like a scary picture she couldn’t erase. She closed her eyes tight for a moment but couldn’t seem to shake the vision. She could almost feel his hands on her, the intrusive way he touched her in places that were not appropriate. She’d asked him nicely not to do that following the kiss they’d shared, but James hadn’t listened. She remembered pushing him away from her in his car. Then James had looked at her, and Emily would never forget the way that his eyes had shifted, rounding into balls of anger as he’d grabbed her by the arm and pulled her toward him.

If there was anything to be thankful for, it was the fact that she’d blacked out certain details of the next few minutes. Her next memory was of running as fast as she could on shaky legs, gasping for breath as she cut across a field beneath a barely moonlit sky. Then she’d run through dark trees toward home. She cringed as she recalled the doctor stitching up her head, a permanent reminder of that night. But even more painful was the news he delivered when he was done.

A tear trickled down her cheek as she relived that evening at the hospital. She heard the doctor saying to her parents, “I’m so very sorry. Emily was raped.”

Emily wasn’t familiar with the term. Her father left the room without looking at her, and with tearful eyes, her mother tried to explain what the word meant. What little detail her mother offered was enough for Emily to understand that she was no longer fit for marriage. Mamm didn’t say that, but Emily knew it to be true. When Emily asked if she had sinned or gone against the teachings of the Ordnung, her mother assured her that she hadn’t. But Emily knew that no man would want her now. Since then she couldn’t seem to find the peacefulness that she’d always felt in her heart. She knew that fear and worry blocked the voice of God, but she’d stopped seeking Him. She was afraid she would be alone for the rest of her life, with no husband or children, and worry about the future consumed her. Her prayers lately were mechanical, simple, and without the heartfelt connection she’d once treasured.

She kicked a rock in the road, then blew out a deep sigh and watched the frigid air cloud in front of her. She wanted to talk to God the way she used to. But God had allowed this to happen. It was His will that she was damaged, with little hope for the future.

Movement to the right caught her eye. She lifted her hand above her brow to block the bright sun and drizzling snow. She found the combination of warmth from the sun and cold from the snow all around her to be odd. She squinted until she made out the person walking toward her. David Stoltzfus.

She tucked her chin, pulled her bonnet lower on her forehead, and picked up her pace.

“Emily!”

Hugging her coat tighter around her, she walked even faster.

He yelled her name again, and as she cut her eyes in his direction, she saw him crossing the yard toward her. “Wait!”

She let out a heavy sigh between her chattering teeth, turned toward him, and waited.

“What are you doing?” He stood on the inside of a wooden fence that surrounded the property. “Why are you walking in this weather?” David pulled his own black coat tighter around him, and Emily could see his teeth chattering also.

“I—I just am. Mei mamm and Betsy went to Sister’s Day, and I changed my mind about going.” She forced a smile. “Nice to see you. Good-bye.” Then she headed down the road.

“Wait!” David trudged slowly through deep snow until he was at the gate. He pushed it open and walked toward her. “I’ll hitch up my buggy and take you home. It’s startin’ to snow real hard now.”

Emily stopped. “No. It’s not much farther. I’m fine.” She turned toward the road again.

“You don’t look fine. I reckon you’re freezing to death.”

“I have to go.” She’d only taken a few steps when she heard him coming up behind her. She spun around and faced him. “Are you going to follow me?”

“Ya. I guess so. I can’t let you walk all the way home by yourself. So I reckon I’ll have to freeze to death too, to make sure you get home all right.”

He smiled, and his dimples added a childlike quality to his expression, which she found adorable. She resisted the urge to grin and put her hands on her hips. “Well, that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Ya. It is.” He tipped his black felt hat down to block the falling snow. “So you should just let me give you a ride home. I can have Buster hitched to the buggy in no time.”

She was chilled to the bone, and the thought of David following her all the way home was embarrassing. “Fine.”

“Go in the haus and get warm. It won’t take me long. I think Lillian left some kaffi on the stove.”

“Are your folks home?”

“No. But just go in and help yourself.” He pulled the gate open for her to walk ahead of him. She stopped.

“I—I don’t think it’s proper for me to go inside your haus without anyone home.”

“It’ll be just fine.” He reached out and took her arm to coax her through the gate.

The feeling of his hand on her arm jarred her. She jerked away from him and took a step backward. “Stop it. I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to walk.” She spun on her heel, but he spoke up before she even took a step.

“Emily!”

She turned to face him again.

His eyes were kind as he spoke. “I don’t know what happened to you, but I promise you a thousand times, I will never hurt you. Do you understand me? Never. You’re safe here.”

Emily lowered her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He didn’t step forward this time as he spoke. “A fellow doesn’t have to be too smart to figure out that something bad happened to you, or I figure you wouldn’t have got so upset at the store.”

She opened her mouth to defend herself. Maybe it was the soothing tone of his voice or the gentleness in his eyes, but she paused for a moment, then realized how her behavior gave her away. She sighed. “I can’t talk about it.”

David walked toward her again. This time she didn’t back away. “You don’t ever have to talk about it. I just want to be your friend. I don’t know anyone here.” He paused before speaking softly, “Go get something hot to drink. I’ll be out here getting the buggy ready. Just meet me outside when you’re warm.”

“Okay.” By now, her cheeks were so numb they burned. She slid by him and started toward the house while he went to the barn.

Once she’d eased her way up the front porch steps, she pulled open the screen door, which was hanging by one hinge, then pushed the heavy door open. She could smell coffee, but the soothing aroma was mixed with a stale odor that caused her to grimace. In the kitchen, she took in the blue and gold wallpaper, a couple of cabinet doors also hanging by one hinge, and the many boxes still left to unpack. So much work to do.

She found a travel mug with a lid, similar to what her family used during cold weather. Then she helped herself to the coffee on the stove. The warm liquid helped to stifle the shakiness that consumed her entire body. She found another mug, filled it up, and secured the lid.

Outside, she approached David, carrying both cups.

“Ready,” he said when he saw her.

“I brought you some too.” She handed him one of the cups.

He smiled as he accepted it. “Danki. ”

She walked around to the other side of the buggy, climbed in, and saw a portable heater on the floor.

“That will keep your feet warm,” David said as he backed the buggy up. She leaned down and flipped it on.

David waited until they were on the road before he said anything. “It’s a mess in there, huh?” He nodded over his shoulder toward the house.

“It will just take some time, that’s all.”

He laughed. “A lot of time.”

Emily smiled, enjoying the sound of his laughter. Her heart felt a little lighter, her burdens not as heavy at the moment. “I’m sure Mamm will set up a Sister’s Day for Lillian so we can all help her get the place in order.”

David nodded. “I know Lillian would be grateful for any help.”

“I really could have walked,” she said as David pulled into her driveway less than five minutes later. “I told you it wasn’t that far. Barely worth the trouble of hitching the buggy up.”

“A couple of miles in this weather feels like more. I don’t know about you, but I’m having trouble with the altitude. I reckon I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d gotten word later that Emily Detweiler was found frozen in her boots.” He grinned, and Emily felt her face flushing.

“Well, I’m used to the altitude, but danki for the ride.” She pushed on the door and stepped out, then turned to face him briefly.

“You’re welcome.”

As she walked up the path to her house, she knew one thing had changed. She no longer wished to avoid David by not attending the singing. A thought that excited and terrified her.

Five

EMILY PULLED A CLEAN BLUE DRESS OVER HER HEAD. THE singing would begin soon, and she found herself thinking about the tender way David had talked to her the last time she saw him. “I don’t know what happened to you, but I promise you a thousand times, I will never hurt you. Do you understand me? Never.” And she wanted to believe him. She knew in her heart that James had been an exception, that most men were not like him, but letting her guard down didn’t come easy. On the flip side, what if David Stoltzfus was the most wonderful man on the planet, his character a mirror of his handsome looks? Then she would only set herself up for heartache because marriage won’t be in her future. Just the same, she couldn’t help but look forward to seeing him.

Mamm hadn’t said much to Emily when she’d returned home from Sister’s Day with Betsy. Emily knew she was mad, but as was Mamm’s way, she’d quickly recovered and made it her business to make sure that everyone around her was happy, including Emily. So, in light of her guilt over the way she’d behaved, Emily faked happiness for her mother’s sake for a few days.

“Emily!” Hop, hop, hop up the stairs, then Emily’s door bolted open. “Mamm said to come downstairs. People are starting to get here.” Betsy pointed one toe forward as she put her hands on her hips.

“I’m coming, Betsy.” Emily sat down on the bed and quickly tied her shoes. “Who’s here?”

“Hannah, Beth Ann, Edna, Leah, Amos, and . . .” Betsy rolled her eyes. “That David Stoltzfus person.”

Emily stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Now, Betsy, stop that. David is Anna and Elizabeth’s bruder, and they are your friends.”

“He made you cry.” Betsy’s bottom lip curled under.

Emily walked to Betsy and squatted down in front of her. She cupped Betsy’s chin in her hand. “Betsy, he didn’t mean to. Sometimes I’m just too sensitive.”

“Do you think David Stoltzfus is a gut man?”

Emily thought for a moment, about how she’d thought James was the best man in the world. She could spend her life in fear and worry, or choose another path, one God would prefer. “I’m going to choose to believe that David Stoltzfus is a gut man.” She kissed Betsy on the cheek. “Come on. Let’s go downstairs.”

When Emily hit the bottom stair, she could hear voices in the kitchen. She rounded the corner to find David surrounded by all the single women—Hannah, Edna, and Leah. All three ladies were seeking a suitor in this small community, and Emily knew David could have his pick of any of them. She approached the group slowly and greeted everyone.

“Mamm has everything set up in the basement,” she said. “There’s plenty of food, games set out, and Jacob set up the shuffleboard table. I think he’s down there playing with Levi.” She stretched out an arm toward the door leading downstairs. “So, please, everyone make yourselves at home.”

“Come on, David.” Hannah latched onto David’s elbow. “I’ve been here before; I’ll show you the way.” Hannah batted her eyes at David.

David eased out of Hannah’s grip and gave her a soft smile. “You ladies go on ahead. I need to talk to Emily for a minute.” David winked at Emily when their eyes met, and Emily felt one knee give beneath her.

Hannah’s face twisted with disapproval, and she gave a begrudging nod. David waited until everyone was out of earshot, then walked closer to Emily and said, “Let’s take a ride in the buggy after the singing.”

Emily’s defenses piqued. “I can’t.”

“Just a short ride.”

Footsteps rounded the corner. “She said she can’t.” Levi positioned himself in front of David. “Didn’t you hear her?”

“Stop it, Levi. It’s fine.” Emily gently touched Levi on the arm, but he jerked away, eyed David, and headed out the kitchen door.

David arched his brows. “I reckon people from Middlefield are more aggressive than where I come from in Lancaster County. What was that about anyway?”

Emily shrugged. “Ach, just ignore Levi. He’s been overprotective since—” She bit her lip, but David seemed to be waiting.

When she didn’t go on, he said, “It’s okay, Emily. You don’t have to tell me. Now or ever. But just know that you’re always safe with me. I promise.”

She smiled. “Maybe just a quick ride after the singing later.”

David smiled. “Gut. ”

DAVID HUNG AROUND until all the guests had left. Hannah Kauffman had been as flirty a girl as he’d ever met. She was from Minnesota. He’d never met any Amish women from Minnesota before.

Hannah was only seventeen, and she didn’t behave like most of the Amish women he knew. She spoke softly, but she was also a bit bold, touching him constantly on the arm and never leaving his side. With her silky, black hair and big green eyes, David was sure any fellow would jump at a chance to spend time with her. But she just wasn’t his type. Emily was more—

He recognized the thought and quickly pushed it aside. Emily had issues. And David knew he had his own problems. But the prospect of friendship with Emily interested him. He’d been taught his entire life that a person’s looks didn’t matter. He was human, though. He liked the way she walked, light on her feet with her hips swaying naturally. Her eyes were a warm brown, and when her lids slipped down, as they did when she seemed embarrassed, her long lashes brushed against high cheekbones.

“Emily will be right down.” Vera came down the stairs smiling. “That’s so nice that the two of you are going on a ride. Do you have a heavy blanket?”

“ting a wedding.Ya. And a heater.” David returned the smile, anxious for Emily to get downstairs. He’d only talked to Vera a few times, but she always left him feeling as though she was secretly plot

David looked up when he heard footsteps. “I won’t be gone long, Mamm.” Emily buttoned a thick black coat as she spoke, then tied her bonnet.

“Take your time.” Vera smiled; then she turned toward her husband when he entered the room. David had met Elam Detweiler earlier that evening. “Elam, these young people are heading out. Remember when we were that age?”

David felt his face redden, and he glanced at Emily and saw her cheeks doing the same.

Once they were outside and walking through the snow toward the buggy, Emily said, “I’m sorry about mei mudder.”

David opened the door for her. “About what?” He knew, but he wanted to hear what she’d say. He walked around to the other side and got in, then turned toward her.

Emily shrugged. “You know . . . the way she acts.”

David smiled. “Ach, you mean the way she’s already planning our wedding.”

Emily avoided his eyes and bit her lip as the moonlight shone through the buggy and onto her flushed cheeks. She nodded. “So silly.”

“Ya, it is.”

Emily reached up and dabbed at the scar above her brow, then left her fingers there as if trying to hide it. Most women her age were looking for a husband, but David didn’t want her to think that her scar had anything to do with the boldness of his statement.

“We barely know each other,” he added with a smile.

She pulled her hand down but stared straight ahead. David flicked the reins and moved the horse into action, and they slowly trotted down the driveway. When they pulled onto the main road, he reached in the backseat of the buggy and pulled out a big brown blanket.

“Here.” He handed it to her.

Emily took it, then reached down and clicked on the battery-operated heater. She draped the heavy blanket around her shoulders, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

EMILY FOUGHT THE chill that ran from her head to her toes, unsure how much of it was from the frigid air. This was the first time she’d been alone with any man, outside of her immediate family, since her date with James.

Before she could stop herself, Emily said, “I’m not even sure why I came with . . .” She cut her eyes in David’s direction and saw him raise his brows.

“Not sure why you came with me, no?” He grinned.

Emily turned straight ahead, sat taller, and folded her hands atop the blanket. She shrugged. “I figured you’d rather take Hannah, or maybe Edna, for a ride.” Emily wished right away that she hadn’t made the comment.

David turned his head toward her and grinned again, but then his expression soured. “I reckon those two are lookin’ to be courted.” He paused. “I got no plans to date anyone.”

“Why?” She gritted her teeth and silently reprimanded herself for asking the question.

David shrugged. “Just not in my plans.”

Emily’s curiosity was piqued. Why wouldn’t someone as handsome and seemingly kind as David Stoltzfus not be looking for a wife at his age? Maybe he was just telling her that, so as not to hurt her feelings. “I understand.”

He turned toward her, captured her with his clear blue eyes, then turned and faced forward again. “I doubt it.”

He’d mumbled it, but Emily heard it just the same.

“What about you?” David eased the horse onto Jenson Road. “Guess you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Why would you just assume that?” What’s wrong with me? She blasted herself again for speaking every little thing on her mind.

“Whoa, don’t get upset.”

“I’m not upset.” She’d said it louder than she intended. “I’m not upset,” she repeated but more quietly this time.

“I reckon if you had a boyfriend, he would have been at the singing. Right?”

Emily didn’t say anything for a moment. She folded her arms across her chest, shivering, despite the heater and the blanket. “Where are we going?” It wasn’t like they could drive to town for coffee. It would take much too long to get to Monte Vista, especially this time of night and with the temperature dropping.

David rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know. I didn’t plan too gut.” He glanced at Emily. “I’m sorry, Emily. This was a bad idea. Not the best weather for a ride.”

“I’m all right. The heater is keeping my feet warm.” She forced a smile. No, you didn’t plan very well.

David shook his head. “This is the worst ride I’ve ever taken after a singing. It’s cold. There’s nowhere to go. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Emily imagined David had carted a lot of pretty girls home after Sunday singings, as was customary if you were interested in the possibility of a romance. He’d said that was not the case, but still, his criticism about tonight stung.

“Then just take me back home. I don’t want to be thought of as the worst ride you’ve ever had after a singing.”

David slowed the buggy, and even in the dim moonlight, she could see him frowning. “Sorry. That’s not what I meant, Emily. It’s not you. There’s just nowhere to go and it’s so cold.”

“Then just take me home.”

They came to a gravel road on their right, and David turned the buggy onto it. “Let’s at least get off the main road. Maybe we can just sit and talk, if we don’t freeze.”

Emily’s stomach started to churn, and she fought the vision of her and James in his car in Middlefield. David was nothing like James. He couldn’t be. She’d seen him with his sisters. She’d never known much about James. Only that he had incredible good looks. Of course, David did too. She took a deep breath.

David cut off the lights in the front of the buggy, and Emily gasped. “It’s too dark.” Her heart began to beat hard in her chest. “Turn the lights on.”

“But look how pretty it is. It’s a full moon. You can even see the tops of the mountains over there, and—”

“Turn the lights on!” Emily slapped her palms against the dash of the buggy. “Now! Turn the lights on!”

Click. The headlights illuminated the gravel road in front of them. “Okay, okay! They’re on.” David twisted in his seat to face her. “I’m sorry, Emily.” His teeth were chattering, but his eyes clung to hers. “It’s just . . . pretty out here. I mean, the full moon and everything. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He swung his arm over the seat, and Emily slid sideways into the buggy door. “No,” she whispered.

“I’m getting a flashlight I have in the backseat.” David slowly pulled a small black flashlight across the seat between them. He flicked it on, then shined it near the side of her face. “Are you crying?”

“No.” But she knew she was on the verge.

David shone the flashlight on the floorboard of the buggy and lowered his head. They were quiet for a few moments. He took a deep breath and looked at her. “Emily, I don’t know what happened to you, but I reckon it was something bad, and it must have been at the hands of someone bad.” David paused, and Emily could feel his eyes searching for hers. She finally looked at him, and their eyes locked. “If we’re going to be friends, you gotta stop being so jumpy around me. Emily, I will never hurt you.” He shook his head. “This was probably a bad idea. Here I’ve taken you out in the middle of nowhere on a cold, dark night. I’m sorry.”

He sounded so regretful that Emily instantly felt the need to make him feel better. “It’s all right. You can turn off the headlights.”

“Are you sure? Because I can leave them on.”

“No. The flashlight is gut enough.” David turned the lights back off, and they both looked outside. “You’re right.” Emily stared straight ahead and strained to see into the darkness. “You can see the mountain tops.” She smiled as she imagined a stairway winding around the mountain, leading all the way to heaven. “Someday I’m going to climb one of those mountains.”

When she turned to face David, he had a dreamy gaze on his face. “You should smile more. You’re so pretty, but—”

But what? She reached up and touched the scar.

“I don’t even notice that scar, Emily.”

She quickly dropped her hand. But what?

David smiled. “You were the prettiest girl there tonight . ..” He paused, still holding the light toward the floorboard of the buggy. “But I don’t have any interest in dating you. I hope we can be friends.”

“I reckon I don’t want to date you either.” It was true. Or at least it was true until he said he didn’t want to date her. Why didn’t he?

“Gut. Then we’ll be friends,” he said. Then his forehead creased. “Why don’t you want to date me?”

Emily chuckled. “I guess where you come from, everyone wanted to date you. Well, I’m not one of them.”

Her laughter didn’t invoke the playful response she’d expected. Instead, David pulled his eyes away from her, and his face grew solemn. “I didn’t really date back home.”

Emily scowled. “I find that hard to believe. Someone as good looking as . . .” Emily faced forward on the seat, and she could feel her entire body flushing from head to toe. She was determined not to look at him.

“Emily?”

She didn’t turn his way. “Ya?”

“This is dumm, no? We’re both freezin’.” David clicked the headlights on and then took the reins. “I’ll take you home.” He paused as he motioned the horse into a slow trot. “I guess I was just wanting to get to know you better.”

Emily didn’t say anything, and her teeth wouldn’t stop chattering. The windshield and winter roll-downs didn’t keep out the cold very well. They were quiet the rest of the ride back.

David’s breath clouded the air in front of him as he turned into her driveway. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Thursday?” Emily sat taller. “But that’s Thanksgiving Day.”

David turned his head toward her, his own teeth knocking together. “Didn’t your mamm tell you that she invited us to Thanksgiving? My Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann too.”

He faced forward again, but even in the darkness she could see him smiling. Mamm had never invited anyone who wasn’t in the family for Thanksgiving. But then, back home there were lots of family for them to gather with.

Emily scowled. Was her mother really trying that hard to play matchmaker?

David pulled the buggy to a stop in front of her house.

It wasn’t snowing anymore, but the cold night air was brutal, and Emily took a deep breath before she reached for the handle on the buggy door.

“I’m sorry about tonight.” David offered a forced smile.

“Next time we go out, I’ll plan better.”

Emily shrugged. “It’s all right.” She pulled the door open and jumped down. “Bye.” She slammed the door and headed through the frigid air toward home, hugging herself as she trudged in ankle-deep snow. But she’d heard him loud and clear. Next time we go out . . .

DAVID STABLED HIS horse and walked briskly toward the house. He could see a faint light coming from his parents’ room and assumed they were already reading in bed. Elizabeth and Anna would be asleep by now, so he tiptoed up the rickety porch steps and carefully pulled the screen door open. He jiggled the brass knob on the door until it opened, then made his way through the den to the kitchen.

He jumped when he entered the kitchen, not expecting to find someone sitting on one of the long benches. In the darkness, all he could see was the silhouette of a woman wearing a bonnet.

“Lillian?”

“It’s tern. As he lit it, he heard her sniffling. He held the light upward and saw dampness shining against his aunt’s cheeks. She quickly turned her head away from the light and dabbed at her eyes.Aenti Katie Ann, David. I’m sorry I startled you.” She stood up about the same time David reached for a nearby lan

“What’s wrong?”

Katie Ann bit her bottom lip for a moment, then clasped her hands in front of her. “I—I don’t have any milk. Ivan likes warm milk at bedtime. I thought maybe Lillian had some.” She paused with a shrug. “I think it’s terrible, warm milk. But it helps Ivan to sleep.”

David studied her face in the dim light for a moment. He’d always thought Katie Ann was the prettiest woman in their family. She had deep brown eyes that were softened by tiny little lines at the corners, and her full smile lit up a room. Or, it used to. The past couple of years, Katie Ann just seemed sad all the time. David pointed to one of the large ice chests on the floor. “There’s some milk in that chest. Daed is supposed to be getting a propane refrigerator tomorrow.” He grinned. “Otherwise Lillian is going to go bonkers, I think.”

Katie Ann pressed her lips together and walked to the ice chest. “I just need a small amount for Ivan. I’ll go to market tomorrow.” She flipped the latch and quickly located the milk. David watched her fill up a small container, but when she poured too much, it spilled over the side and onto the floor. “Ach! No.” She set the carton of milk on the counter, then her small plastic container, which sloshed milk on the counter and onto the floor. “I’m a clumsy woman.” Her voice cracked as she reached for a towel and began to dab the floor.

“Here, let me.” David squatted down beside her and gently reached for the towel. He swiped the rag across the jagged wood. “I don’t think anyone would notice a spill on this old floor.” He offered her a comforting smile.

Still squatting, Katie Ann covered her face with her hands. “I should have been more careful.” She sniffled.

“Aenti Katie Ann, it’s no problem. Really.” David touched her arm, then slowly stood up as she did the same. “What’s the matter?”

She shook her head. “I reckon I’m tired. I need to get this milk to Ivan.” She reached for the plastic container she’d brought. “I’m sorry.”

David leaned against his hand on the counter. “There’s no problem, Aenti Katie Ann. But are you sure you’re all right?”

“Ya, ya.” She waved her free hand in the air. “Danki, for helping me clean the mess on the floor, and thank Lillian for the milk.” She moved toward the door.

“Did you bring a lantern?” David raised the light in his hand slightly.

“No. But the moon is almost full, and I’m just going across the way a bit.”

David extended his arm and offered her the lantern. “Here, take this one. I’ll get it back tomorrow.”

“I really don’t need it. I walked over here without one.”

David shrugged as she pulled the door open, then pushed on the screen. “I’ll see you later, David.” Katie Ann didn’t turn around as she made her way down the porch steps.

He watched her until she’d made it safely to her own house, then he closed the wooden door. His heart ached for his aunt. And his uncle. Something was going on with them, and it had been for a long time.

He thought about Emily as he tiptoed up the creaky stairs to his room. He didn’t want to date anyone, but when Emily said she didn’t want to date him, he’d felt an uncomfortable jab in the heart. He shook his head and grunted. He didn’t need to take on whatever problems Emily had. He had enough worries of his own.

He put the lantern on his bedside table, pushed an unpacked box out of the way with his leg, then sat down on his bed. He popped the usual pills in his mouth and followed them with a glass of water. Then he lay back, folded his hands behind his head, and crossed his ankles. Shadows from the lantern danced on the ceiling overhead as he tried to focus on prayer. He tried to recall the last time he’d actually heard the voice of God in his mind, felt the words in his heart. His chest hurt for a moment when he realized that he couldn’t remember the last time. He’d been so angry for the past few months, ever since he found out about this move. Fear, worry, and anger. All emotions that blocked a man from hearing God. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to get rid of the anger in my heart about this move and accept it as Your will for me. I pray that this will be a good move for all of us, at least until I can save enough money to return home, to Lancaster County. Lord, I pray for my new friend Emily. I fear she’s been hurt in a bad way, and ask You to wrap Your loving arms around her and comfort her. And extra blessings for Aenti Katie Ann and Onkel Ivan.

KATIE ANN HANDED Ivan a cup of warm milk that she’d heated on top of the stove.

“You didn’t need to go out in this cold just to get me some milk.” Ivan accepted the cup, blew on the hot liquid, then took a sip.

“I don’t mind.” She sat down beside Ivan on the couch and put her hand on his knee. It was a big gesture for her, since she’d avoided any contact with him since the day she saw him kiss the Englisch woman Lucy Turner. Ivan set his cup down on the table next to the couch, picked up his Bible, and pulled the lantern to the edge of the table. He didn’t even notice that she was making an effort. She gingerly ran her hand back and forth across his knee, and she thought about how long it had been since they’d been intimate. Nearly six months. She’d given up conceiving a child long before that, and tonight wasn’t about that. She wanted to feel close to her husband again, to somehow move past the pain they’d inflicted on each other.

Katie Ann knew that her failure to give Ivan a child had weighed more heavily on her mind than on his. Repeatedly, Ivan had told her that it was just God’s will for them not to have a family, and that they would be happy, just the two of them. More than once, she’d screamed at him, told him she could never be happy with just him, with no children of her own—a real family. And she’d meant it. For years, she and Ivan had drifted apart. Conversation was kept to a minimum, and each had their own interests. Unfortunately, his included Lucy Turner.

When Ivan didn’t respond to her tender caresses, Katie Ann eased her hand away from him. Her eyes drifted to his face, and if he would only look at her, he’d see the longing in her eyes. But he didn’t raise his eyes from the Bible. Look at me, Ivan.

She yawned, covered her mouth, then mumbled, “I’m tired. Are you ready for bed?”

They seldom went to bed at the same time anymore. Ivan often stayed up reading in the den until long after Katie Ann was asleep, and that had been fine by her. But in this new place called Canaan, she hoped for a new beginning, a chance for them to renew their love and start fresh. Perhaps now that she had accepted her life without a child in it, maybe she could shed the anger she felt and be close to her husband again. And forgive his intimate encounters with Lucy. Ivan promised her that all he’d shared with Lucy were several lunches and a few stolen kisses. But she still felt betrayed.

“I’m going to read for a while yet.” Ivan didn’t look at her.

“Fine.” She abruptly stood up. She walked around two boxes still needing to be unpacked, then marched up the first two steps before she swung around and walked back down. “Ivan . . .”

He lowered the Bible and raised his brows. Katie Ann fought the resentment bubbling to the surface by taking a deep breath. She wasn’t quite ready to give up. “Maybe—maybe you’d like to come to bed now?” She paused, her eyes pleading with him. “With me.” She was hoping Ivan couldn’t see her flushed cheeks in the dimly lit room. She bit her bottom lip and waited for an answer.

“I’ll be up shortly.” He offered her a weak smile, then buried his head again in the Good Book. She was humiliated, but determined to stay hopeful. She turned and hurried up the stairs.

After a quick bath, she pulled a tube of store-bought lotion from the top drawer of her nightstand. A vendor at the Bird-In-Hand market back in Lancaster County sold the flowery scent, and it was a luxury she’d finally allowed herself. She spread it generously up and down her arms, careful not to get the purple cream on her long white nightgown. Vanity and pride were forbidden, but on this night, she wasn’t thinking about those things. Tonight she wanted to smell—and look—good for her husband.

When she was done, she lay down in the bed and pulled the covers snugly around her neck. The small propane heater on her nightstand did little to warm her. She needed her husband for that. She closed her eyes and envisioned the last time they made love, but when the image blurred, she realized that for years it had never been about the lovemaking, only the baby making, which never happened. Tonight she wanted it to just be her and Ivan, without thoughts of conception, or of stolen kisses with Lucy Turner. And she knew that if she was truly going to open herself up to a new beginning with her husband, she was going to have to forgive Ivan for his indiscretions. So she waited.

And waited. As her lids grew heavy, she glanced at the clock. It had been over an hour since she came upstairs.

KATIE ANN OPENED her eyes seven hours later, and even in the darkness of the early morning, she could see that Ivan was not beside her. Did he even come to bed last night?

She dressed, then went downstairs carrying her lantern. Her heart was heavy as feelings of hopefulness about this new beginning seemed to be slipping away.

“I didn’t hear you come to bed last night.” She was surprised to see the coffee already made and Ivan at the kitchen table, casually sipping from his favorite green mug and reading The Budget—as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

Ivan pushed his reading glasses up on his nose. “Do you remember Edwin Yoder, my cousin from Sugarcreek?” He kept his head buried in the newspaper.

Ivan usually scanned the general updates to see if anyone he knew had posted a memo about current events, then he would read through the obituaries. In many ways, The Budget was their only way of keeping up with relatives who didn’t live nearby, and of course, both she and Ivan were interested in the happenings back in Paradise.

She nodded her head in response to his question, even though he’d ignored her comment. She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined him at the kitchen table. “Ya, I remember him. It’s been years since we’ve seen him and his family.”

Ivan pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “He’s dead. Died of a heart attack recently.”

“Ach, no. I wonder why we haven’t received word from Sarah. Maybe a letter is on the way.” Katie Ann shook her head. “We should pray for the family.”

“Ya.” Ivan bowed his head with her, then he looked up and took a deep breath. “He wasn’t much older than I am.”

“I know.”

“Just goes to show you that you should live each and every day to the fullest.”

Katie Ann bit her bottom lip for a moment and she twisted her coffee cup in her hands. “That’s what I want us to do, Ivan. Live each day to the fullest.” She smiled as she set her cup down on the table.

“We are.” Ivan put his glasses back on and once again buried his head in the newspaper, reading about what people in Amish and Mennonite communities across the country were doing. Didn’t he see what was happening right here, in his own home?

“Ivan?”

“Ya.”

She waited until he put the paper down on the table and gave her his full attention. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Then why can’t you look me in the eye when you say it?

“I reckon I’ll start breakfast. What would you like? I can scramble us some eggs, or I can just make us some kaffi soup.” She stood up from the table and put on her apron.

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

Does anything matter to you? “Eggs I guess, then.” She walked to the refrigerator and found a few eggs, then began cracking them into a bowl. “I’ll be glad when we have our own chickens again. These store-bought eggs are nothing like fresh eggs. The yolks are light yellow, just not fresh. I can always tell the difference, can’t you?”

He gave a nod. “Uh-huh.”

“What are your plans today? With this weather, I reckon we can finish unpacking.”

“Ya. We can do that.”

She fought the knot in her throat and swallowed hard as she stirred the eggs. “Or . . .” She spun around to face him. “We could do something that we haven’t done in years.”

“What’s that?”

Katie Ann wanted to yank the newspaper away from his face, but instead she took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “We could just—just stay in bed all day. Remember when we were first married, the day everyone was snowed in? No one could get out, and we just stayed in bed all day.” She waited for him to look at her. When he didn’t, she boldly went on. “We just made love all day long.”

“We’re not snowed in.”

Her eyes welled with tears. “Look at me, Ivan.”

He folded the paper, placed it on the table, then folded his hands on top of it. “Why are you yelling?”

“I’m not yelling. I just want you to look at me.” Egg dripped from the wooden spoon and onto the floor as she spoke.

Ivan put his glasses on the table and for the first time this morning, he looked into her eyes. “What is it, Katie Ann?”

“I’m asking you if you want to spend the day with me. Like—like we did that day we were snowed in so long ago.” She held her breath.

“We’re not snowed in and—”

“I know that, Ivan.” She put the spoon on the counter, then moved a few steps toward him. “And I know there is much work to be done around here. But I’m asking you if you want to spend the day together . . .” She paused as she blinked back tears, which only made her feel pitiful and ridiculous. But she pressed on. “Just you and me. Making love all day.”

Ivan raised his hand to his forehead, and Katie Ann wondered if he was going to rub the skin off as his hand went back and forth. “I thought we’d been through all this, that we were going to stop trying to have a baby. It’s just not in God’s plan, Katie Ann.”

She sat down across the table from him. “I’m not talking about trying to make a baby, Ivan. I’m talking about a husband and wife spending the day together, just loving each other.” She reached for his hand, then squeezed. “This is a new beginning for us. I want to spend time in your arms, in this new place, in our bed.”

Ivan raised his shoulders, then dropped them slowly. “Okay.”

Katie Ann felt like she’d been punched in the gut. She wasn’t asking him to perform a mediocre chore, but to love her the way she longed to be loved. Instead, his response signified about as much excitement as hauling the trash to the burn pile. She let go of his hand and sighed.

“What now? I said okay.” He raised his brows, the irritation in his voice evident.

“Forget it, Ivan. Just forget it.” She eased out of the chair and went to the stove. After she dumped the eggs into the skillet, she stared out the window at the snow falling in heavy blankets all around them. They didn’t need mounds of snow to keep them isolated from the world, or each other. They’d managed to isolate themselves from each other a long time ago. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her husband reading the newspaper.

Six

EMILY WOKE UP THANKSGIVING DAY MISSING HER friends and family back home in Middlefield. It would be the first Thanksgiving she’d ever had without her aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. But Mamm had put the turkey in the oven the night before, the way she’d always done, and this morning the aroma filled Emily’s mind with recollections of holidays gone by. Times when her heart was filled with peace, her future hopeful.

She rolled onto her side in the bed and snuggled beneath her quilt as her thoughts turned to David. She hadn’t seen him since Sunday, but Mamm had said his family would be arriving in time for the noon meal. Emily knew she needed to crawl out of bed, get dressed, and go downstairs to help with preparations. Just a few more minutes.

Her heart fluttered when she thought about seeing him. He’d quickly gone from someone she feared to someone she wanted to know better, and that frightened her. She’d been focused on healing and establishing new goals for herself, and to develop a crush on David Stoltzfus would hinder her progress and set her up for much heartache. David could have any girl in the community he wanted, and Emily knew she was unworthy of his affections.

She thought about how attentive he’d been at the singing on Sunday, the way she caught him gazing at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. But he’d said he didn’t want to date her, so she was worrying for nothing. She threw back the covers and sat on the side of her bed. Then she recited her morning prayer, the same way she’d done her entire life.

Good morning, Lord. You are ushering in another day, untouched and freshly new. So here I come to ask You, God, if You’ll renew me too? Forgive the many errors that I made yesterday and let me try again, dear God, to walk closer in Thy way. But, Father, I am well aware I can’t make it on my own, so take my hand and hold it tight, for I can’t walk alone.

In the past, she would have followed the prayer up with personal devotion and one-on-one communion with God, but she climbed out of bed instead. She tried again to recall the last time she’d heard the tiny voice that she knew to be God. Flashes of James were almost instant, and she fought to steady her heartbeat as she put on a dark green dress. She smoothed the wrinkles and realized that she hadn’t heard the voice since before the attack. Seems like God should be here for me now, more than ever.

She pulled on her black tights, then sat on the bed to tie her shoes. A flurry of mixed emotions filled her head this morning. She was looking forward to seeing David, but apprehension raced through her every time she allowed herself to fantasize about something more than friendship with him. He’d made it very clear that friendship was all he had to offer, and that was all Emily had to give.

She tied her prayer covering and went down the stairs to find Betsy sitting at the kitchen table while her mother was scurrying around the kitchen.

“Emily, you’re late. I need some help in here.” Mamm spoke the words as if she was scolding Emily, but a smile was stretched across her face. “Now, come over here and test this dressing.” Mamm pulled the oven open and scooped a spoonful from inside the cavity of the turkey. She pushed the spoon toward Emily’s mouth.

“Wait, Mamm. It’s hot.” Emily leaned her face away while Mamm blew on the spoon.

“Here, try it now.”

Dressing had always been her mother’s specialty, and she’d made it every year for as long as Emily could remember, for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and for their entire extended family. Lots of families in Middlefield had adjusted their traditions over the years, opting to have something other than turkey for Christmas, since they’d just had it for Thanksgiving. Plus, weddings were always in November and December, and turkey roast was served after the ceremonies. Emily was sick of turkey by Christmas each year and wished her mother would consider a change in tradition. Not Mamm. She wouldn’t hear of it. “It wouldn’t be Christmas without turkey and dressing,” she’d said.

“Gut, no?” Mamm’s left brow lifted as she waited for Emily to finish chewing.

“Ya, Mamm. It’s fine.” Emily rolled her eyes. “It’s always fine.”

Her mother breathed a sigh of relief, then returned to the stove and began stirring some green beans in a pot.

Betsy looked up from a book she was reading. “I’m going to be vega . . . vegetarian when I am a grown person.”

Emily grinned as she pulled apples and oranges from the refrigerator for a fruit salad. She glanced to the left so she wouldn’t miss the reaction from her mother.

“Betsy Ann, you will do no such thing.” Mamm spun around to face Betsy, her hands on her hips. “What are you reading? I reckon it’s not from the approved list.”

“Ya, Mamm. It is.” Betsy’s big brown eyes grew round. “The boy, Ben, in this book is a vegetarian.” Betsy nodded her head once for effect. “It’s more healthy to be one of those.”

Mamm shook her head. “It wonders me, is nothing safe in this world anymore? A gut Christian book about a ten-year-old boy who finds the Lord, and yet . . . he has to be a vegetarian?” Mamm slapped her hands down to her sides. “Not for you, Betsy. You would miss meat. And meat has protein. It’s gut for you.”

“I’m gonna be one anyway.” Betsy closed the book and stood from the table. “When will everyone be here?”

“Around eleven is what Lillian said.” Mamm turned to Emily. “Lillian said that she thinks David has sure taken a fancy to you. Evidently, he has mentioned your name several times, and—”

“We’re just friends, Mamm.” Emily knew that her father would reprimand her for taking such a sharp tone with her mother, something she’d been guilty of too often lately, but she could see her daed and her brothers through the window, shoveling the snow from the sidewalk. “Don’t push about this.”

“He just seems like such a nice young man, Emily. Maybe you should give him a chance.” Mamm lowered the fire under the beans.

“David Stoltzfus has no interest in dating me, so you’re wasting your time being hopeful about something developing between us.” Emily didn’t look up as she chopped the apples into small cubes.

“Now, Emily . . .” Mamm sighed as she turned to face Emily. “You don’t know that. You are a beautiful young woman, and Lillian said he speaks fondly of you.”

Emily took a deep breath, stopped chopping, and faced off with her mother, determined to squelch her mother’s misdirected thoughts. “David told me straight to my face that he doesn’t want to date me, that all he wants is to be friends. And, Mamm . ..” Her tone sharpened. “That’s all I want too. So please just drop it.”

“I don’t like him anyway.” Betsy padded across the wooden floor in her socks, still toting her book as she headed toward the den. She stopped once to look at Emily and scrunched her face into a scowl. “He made you cry.”

“Betsy, we talked about that.” Emily’s voice grew louder as she spoke, but Betsy didn’t turn around.

“I will not have such talk, Betsy. Do you hear me?” Mamm’s voice carried into the den, and a faint “Yes, ma’am” breezed into the kitchen.

Emily resumed chopping the apples and hoped her mother would drop the subject of David. “It’s cold in here.” She twisted to look at the propane heater in the corner of the kitchen. “Is the heater on high?”

“I think so. But it’s mighty cold outside, and this house isn’t insulated as well as it could be.” Mamm walked to the window and peered at her father, Jacob, and Levi, then she leaned down and checked the heater. “It’s on high.” Mamm walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a tub of butter. “I bet it’s really cold at the Stoltzfus haus.” She shook her head as she added butter to the boiled potatoes. “You should see that place. So much work to do. I reckon the cold air is just seeping through the cracks in the walls without insulation.”

Emily didn’t mention that she’d already seen the inside of the Stoltzfus home the day David gave her a ride home on Sister’s Day. She thought about how unprepared David had been for their buggy ride this past Sunday—and how cold it had been. In her former life, she would have offered a guy like David a portion of her blanket to cover his legs. She’d spent the last three months so afraid of everything and everyone, particularly men, so she couldn’t understand why she’d felt safe with him on a cold, dark night—but not comfortable enough to share the blanket. Especially with a man who told her straight out that he had no interest in dating her.

DAVID HELD ANNA on his lap in the back of the buggy as Elizabeth sat next to him. He felt ridiculous traveling this way, his parents carting him around. Back home, he would have taken his own buggy, but Lillian had insisted they all ride together on Thanksgiving.

“This is so nice of Vera to invite us for Thanksgiving.” Lillian smiled at David’s father, but then she scowled. “I can’t imagine having to cook the Thanksgiving meal in that new haus of ours.” She paused as she shook her head. “One of the cabinet doors fell off this morning when I opened it to unload some things.”

Daed patted Lillian on the leg. “Mei leib, there is much work to do, but someday it will be a fine home.” He smiled, raised his brows. “It sure is big.”

“A big mess.” Lillian glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “But we are all together and have much to be thankful for.”

David readjusted Anna on his lap and avoided Lillian’s eyes for fear he’d blurt out an angry comment and ruin her day. As soon as I can, I’m going back to Lancaster County.

His father eased into the Detweilers’ driveway and maneuvered their gray buggy next to the Detweilers’ black one, which was almost completely covered in snow.

“Why do they have black buggies and not gray ones like us?” Elizabeth leaned her face closer to the plastic weather protector on her side of the buggy. “And their kapps aren’t like ours either.”

David had recognized some of the obvious differences when they first arrived. There were only a few buggies on the roads, but he’d noticed the black ones. And prayer coverings in Lancaster County were heart-shaped in the back, unlike the ones Emily, Betsy, and Vera wore, which were squared in the back.

“Some things might look different, but our belief system and dedication to the Ordnung is the same, Elizabeth,” Daed said before he stepped out of the buggy and began to tether the horse. David waited until Lillian got out of the buggy; then he pushed the seat forward. He set Anna on the ground and then helped Elizabeth out.

“I hope the Detweilers like my candied sweet potatoes.”

David held out his hands toward the casserole dish Lillian was carrying. “Here, I’ll carry that.”

“Okay, danki.” Lillian handed the dish to David. “I’ll get the loaves of zucchini bread out of the back.” Lillian walked to the back of the buggy. “Girls, go on up to the house, and no running.”

David followed Anna and Elizabeth up the sidewalk. He turned around when he heard hooves clapping against the freshly cleared driveway. It was his Uncle Ivan and Aunt Katie Ann. Thank goodness they were coming, even though it still didn’t seem like Thanksgiving without the rest of his extended family. Anna and Elizabeth knocked on the door, and a moment later Vera swung the door wide.

“Come in, come in. Warm yourselves by the fire.” Vera motioned the girls inside, then turned to David. “Hello, David. Here, I’ll take that for you.”

David handed off the sweet potatoes. “Danki for having us.” He glanced past Vera and could see Emily walking toward them.

“We’re so glad to have you all. Make yourself at home. I’m going to go put this on top of the stove to keep warm.” Vera headed off to the kitchen, brushing past Emily on her way. David noticed something different about Emily right away as she approached him. She looked . . . happy. She was smiling and her expression was welcoming.

“Hi.” David nervously stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

“Hi. Do you want me to take your coat?” Emily held out her hand, so he pulled his hands from his pockets and began unbuttoning. Emily turned toward Elizabeth and Anna. “Girls, Betsy will be down in a minute, or you can go upstairs to her room.”

Anna and Elizabeth quickly shed their coats, hung them on a rack by the door, and headed upstairs—leaving David and Emily alone. She moved closer to him, which, for reasons he couldn’t explain, made him nervous. He stared at her, mesmerized by the gleam in her eyes and the way the light from the fire glimmered and danced across her ivory skin— which took on a blush the more he gazed at her.

He stopped staring and quickly took off his coat, and she looked away as she accepted it and hung it on the rack. Avoiding his eyes, she was instantly back to the Emily he’d first met— timid, nervous. David silently blasted himself for making her feel uncomfortable, but being around her was scrambling his logic, making him consider what-ifs.

“Sorry about the other night, after the singing.” He placed his black felt hat on the rack by the door, alongside his coat.

Her face brightened. Then she giggled. “You mean that cold, dark ride in the middle of nowhere with only a blanket and portable heater?”

David smiled back at her. This woman could transform herself back and forth quicker than anyone he’d ever known. Timid and afraid one minute, then glowing, beautiful, and poised the next. He couldn’t help but wonder, and be angry about, what happened to strip her of the qualities she must have possessed on a full-time basis some time ago.

“Ya. I’ll plan better,” he whispered as he felt his own cheeks take on a flush just as his father and Lillian came into the room.

Lillian brushed past David and went straight to Emily, a smile stretched wide. “You must be Emily. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Careful, Lillian. David knew he’d mentioned Emily’s name more than he should have the past few days. Something else that puzzled him. He glanced at Emily to see her smiling. He wasn’t sure if it was from Lillian’s comment, or just because everyone seemed to smile in Lillian’s presence. She had that effect on people.

“Ya. I’m Emily, and I’ve heard much about you also.” Emily offered to take Lillian’s coat at about the same time Vera walked back into the room, followed by Elam, Jacob, and Levi. Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann walked in, and Vera made introductions. Then she suggested the men warm themselves in front of the fire while the women put the finishing touches on the meal.

David took a seat next to his father on the couch. Elam and Jacob each sat in a rocker on the other side of the room. Levi stood near the fireplace with his arms folded across his chest, and Uncle Ivan stood nearby.

“So, Samuel . . .” Elam began. “I hear there is much work to do at your home.”

Samuel nodded his head, then grinned. “I reckon that is an understatement.” His father shook his head. “I should have traveled this way before I moved mei family here, and tried to do some work before we made the trip.”

“We’re a small community, but I know everyone will pitch in to help you. You can count on me and my boys.” Elam nodded toward Jacob and Levi, then smiled. “And that brings me to another point. I know your girls will be starting school soon, and I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we don’t have a schoolhouse. Classes are being taught in a barn right now.”

David’s father nodded. “I did hear that from Lillian.”

“Plans are to start construction on a new schoolhouse when the snow begins to clear. And I know you have your hands full with your own place, and—”

“Count David and me in,” his father interrupted. “We’re available to help.”

Elam nodded. “We will work some on the schoolhouse and some on your place as the weather allows. We have an Englisch fellow named Arnold who will lead us with the project. He’s a fine carpenter.”

David watched his father nod, then he glanced around the room at the Detweilers’ cozy den. It was much smaller than the den in their current home, and smaller than the den they’d had in Lancaster County. He wondered how they could possibly hold worship service in such a small house, but then he remembered where he was. Probably weren’t more than forty or fifty people in the district here.

“We haven’t met the bishop,” David said, glancing from his father to Elam.

“He’s a fine man.” Elam sat up taller, but Levi grunted. Elam turned toward his son, then narrowed his brows and cut his eyes sharply at him. He turned back to David’s father. “He’s a bit strict, but a gut leader in our small community.”

“We had a strict bishop in Lancaster County too,” David said as he glanced at his daed, who nodded.

“Ya, Bishop Ebersol was firm, but he was also a gut leader.”

David’s chest tightened at the mention of Lancaster County. He wondered how Mammi Sarah Jane was doing, and Noah and Carley, and Mary Ellen, Linda, and all his other relatives he’d been forced to leave behind.

EVERYONE RAVED ABOUTMamm’s dressing. Everyone but Emily. She couldn’t bring herself to enhance her mother’s zestful spirit, something that Emily resented more with each passing day, as if nothing in their world had changed. Maybe nothing in Mamm’s world had changed, but it certainly had in Emily’s.

“Lillian, these sweet potatoes are so gut. I must get your recipe.” Mamm took another bite of the candied yams.

Emily figured Mamm was secretly wondering if everyone liked Lillian’s potatoes more than her dressing. Emily helped herself to more of the potatoes, intentionally bypassing a second helping of dressing. She tried to feel guilty about her attitude toward her mother, but nothing.

“Betsy, don’t you like turkey?” Lillian eyed Betsy’s plate, filled with dressing, potatoes, candied yams, cranberries, green beans, and everything except for turkey and ham. “Anna and Elizabeth love turkey.” Lillian looked at her plate piled high with turkey and giggled. “We all do.”

Emily liked Lillian right away. She’d barely spoken to the woman, but there was something about her. David had said everyone loved Lillian, and Emily could see why. Her smile made you want to smile along with her.

“I’m a vegetarian.” Betsy sat taller, her expression serious.

Emily watched as Lillian nodded. “I see.”

“Betsy is not a vegetarian.” Mamm put her full fork down on her plate. “Betsy, get you some turkey or ham. You’ve always liked both.”

“Not anymore.” Betsy shook her head. “Not since I’ve turned vegetarian. Now I don’t eat meat. I will have less chance of having coronary artery disease, gallstones, cancer . . .” Betsy took a deep breath and continued. “Particularly colon cancer, and kidney stones, and high blood pressure.”

Emily cupped her hand over her mouth, wondering if Mamm might pass out, then she glanced around the table.

Most were stifling a grin. Except for her mother and Levi.

“Betsy, you ain’t got a clue what you’re talking ’bout.” Levi frowned as he reached for another roll.

Mamm forced a smile. “Betsy likes to read, and sometimes she takes things to heart.” She leaned toward Betsy who was seated on the bench to her right. “I’m sure Betsy will be back to eating meat by the end of the week. Right, sweetheart?”

“No, Mamm. I’m done with all meat. It will help keep my bowels regular, too, I reckon.”

Emily burst out laughing. Hard, gut-wrenching laughter that almost caused her to spew her food. Everyone looked shocked at her outburst—except for Lillian, whose eyes were watering in her effort to control herself. But Emily wasn’t sure if Lillian was tickled about Betsy or Emily’s inability to contain herself.

“Betsy!” Mamm said in a loud whisper. “What is wrong with you? That is not proper talk for the dinner table.”

Emily glanced at David. His eyes were wide as he glanced around the room, finally locking eyes with Emily. Embarrassment flooded over her. She looked down at her plate and pinched her lips together.

“I’m going to be a vegetable too!” Anna said proudly.

“VegeTARIAN.” Betsy shook her head. “Not a vegetable!”

Mamm forced another smile, but Emily was sure that her mother was ready to yank Betsy from the table and cart her out to the woodpile for a spanking. “That’s enough, Betsy. Eat your—your vegetables.” Mamm lowered her chin.

Emily glanced around the room again, her gaze landing on David last. Their eyes met for a long moment, then David winked at her. Slow. Intentional.

She felt her left eyelid wink in response, as if it had a mind of its own. She quickly looked away, unable to fathom why she would act in such a forward manner—so flirtatious, so completely unladylike, and in very poor taste.

And yet the way David smiled at her sent her heart to racing in a way she hadn’t felt since she was on her date with James, and her visions of that night plowed to the front of her mind. James had seemed like a good man too. How could she trust David? How could she trust anyone?

Emily excused herself from the table and rushed out of the room.

Seven

DAVID SILENTLY CHASTISED HIMSELF FOR WINKING AT Emily. He finished off the last of his turkey and dressing in one fork load, knowing he’d been the one to cause her to bolt from the table. However, she’d returned the gesture by winking back, which was confusing. Emily baffled him, for sure.

After the meal, all the men retired to the barn while the women gathered in the kitchen. His father and Elam each puffed on a cigar, something David only saw his daed partake in on holidays. Uncle Ivan, David, and Jacob stood near them, but Levi leaned against the far wall, one foot propped up behind him. David noticed him holding an inhaler and caught Levi glaring at him several times. It was quite clear that Levi didn’t like him, but David wondered if Levi liked anyone. He was a sour fellow, unlike Jacob, who was always friendly. But today Jacob seemed antsy, and David suspected he was ready to head to Beth Ann’s house. He’d mentioned several times throughout the course of the day that he would be going there this afternoon.

David shivered along with the rest of the men inside the cold barn as they all stood around sharing jokes.

“I’ve got one,” David said as he recalled a joke he’d heard in Lancaster County. “A man once asked God, ‘What’s a million years to You?’ God said, ‘A second.’ Then the man asked God, ‘What’s a million dollars to You?’ God said, ‘A penny.’ The man asked God, ‘Can You do me a favor?’ God said, ‘Sure,’ so the man asked God, ‘Can You give me a penny?’” David smiled. “God said, ‘Sure. In a second.’”

They all laughed, and even Levi grinned.

Ivan was standing right beside David, across from the rest of the men, so David was pretty sure he was the only one who heard the vibration coming from Ivan’s pocket. He watched his uncle discretely reach into his pocket and silence the noise before excusing himself. Why is Onkel Ivan carrying around a cell phone?

None of David’s family had cell phones when they were in Lancaster County. He knew plenty of Amish folks who did, but mostly because their businesses required it. In some instances Bishop Ebersol had allowed it, but David had never known his uncle to need a cell phone.

EMILY CARRIED SEVERAL glasses to the kitchen. Her mother, Lillian, and Katie Ann were chatting as she placed the glasses in the sink.

“Martha is her name,” Mamm said to Lillian and Katie Ann. “She’s an Englisch woman who lives alone. Sometimes I take her homemade bread and such, so I thought I’d run her a plate of food later.”

“I’ll do it, Mamm,” Emily said. Martha was the crankiest Englisch woman Emily had ever met, but it would get her out of the house. This silly flirting and winking with David had her stomach upset. “I’ll take Martha a plate.”

Her mother raised a brow. “Really? Hmm. That surprises me, Emily. But all right.”

Lillian straightened in her seat at the kitchen table.“Nonsense. We’d be glad to carry Martha a plate when we leave. There’s no need for Emily to have to hitch the horse to the buggy.”

“Or Ivan and I can drop off the food to your friend,” Katie Ann added.

“No, really. I don’t mind.” Emily paused, hoping to sound convincing. “Besides, Mamm will tell you, Martha is a bit, well . . . grouchy.”

“She’s right.” Mamm shook her head. “Martha is difficult sometimes. In the three short months we’ve known her, I don’t think the woman has ever smiled. She’s different than most folks around here, Englisch or Amish.” Mamm turned to face Emily. “That’s nice of you to offer, Emily.”

“I’ll go ask Jacob to get the buggy ready.”

Emily excused herself, found Jacob, and told him that he could either hitch up a buggy for her or stop by Martha’s on his way to Beth Ann’s. He quickly agreed to hitch up both buggies. Luckily they had two covered buggies, or Jacob would have complained about having to take his topless courting buggy in this weather. No snow so far today, and even with the frigid temperatures, the sun shone brightly, and it seemed warmer than thirty-eight degrees. A drive would be good, clear her head.

“Here. This is for Martha.” Mamm handed Emily a bag when she walked back into the kitchen. She leaned closer to Emily and whispered, “I’m surprised you are offering to do this, Emily. It’s cold, and Martha isn’t the friendliest . ..” Mamm twisted her mouth to one side. “Surely you don’t have other errands to run on Thanksgiving Day?”

“No. I just feel like going for a drive.” Emily shrugged.

“I suppose we should be leaving too, Vera.” Lillian stood and hugged Emily’s mother. “Danki for having us. What a wonderful time we had.” Lillian chuckled. “I can’t imagine having to cook the Thanksgiving meal in our kitchen.”

“Next year.” Mamm eased out of the hug. “I’m sure that by next year we’ll have your new home in tip-top shape.”

“I hope so.” Lillian grabbed a bag from the counter. “Danki also for sending home some leftovers.” She turned toward the den.“Anna, Elizabeth, are you ready to go?” Both girls were sitting with Betsy in the middle of the floor putting together a puzzle.

Katie Ann offered Mamm her thanks for the meal as David crossed through the den to the kitchen.

“We leaving?” David addressed the question to Lillian, but quickly glanced in Emily’s direction.

“Ya. I reckon so.” Lillian called to her daughters one more time, then refocused on David. “It’s almost two thirty, and I know the girls are tired.” She smiled. “I’m a bit tired too. Can you go round up your father?”

David’s eyes once again shifted to Emily, but when she didn’t say anything, he looked back to Lillian. “Sure.” He turned to walk out the door, but then hesitated and swung back around. “Emily, Jacob said you’re going for a drive, that you need to drop some food off for a neighbor.” He stuffed his hands inside his overcoat. “Think maybe I could get a ride, if it’s not too much trouble? Otherwise I’ll have Anna or Elizabeth in my lap, and Onkel Ivan said the backseat of his buggy is filled with empty boxes.”

“I’m sorry, David,” Katie Ann said. “I wasn’t thinking yesterday afternoon when I piled those in the buggy for Ivan to haul off.”

Emily’s chest grew tight. “Ach, uh, Martha’s house isn’t really in that direction, and—”

“Emily . . .” Mamm said. “I’m sure it’s no trouble at all for you to take David home, no? Mighty cramped, I’m sure, with his sisters in the backseat.” Mamm narrowed her brows at Emily.

“That’s all right. Don’t make Emily go out of her way.” Lillian smiled. “I made David ride with us, instead of in his own buggy, since it was Thanksgiving. I wanted us all to be together. He can squeeze in the back for the short ride home.”

David didn’t say anything, but he had a smirk on his face, like he knew Emily would end up taking him home.

Mamm scowled at Emily.

“No, it’s all right, Lillian. I can take him home after I stop at Martha’s. I’m sure David won’t mind making a quick stop to drop the food off before I make the circle back home.” She shot him a calculated smile, then grabbed her hat and bonnet from the rack and together they walked out the door. He’ll love Martha.

VERA, LILLIAN, AND Katie Ann were in the kitchen while Anna and Elizabeth helped Betsy clean up the puzzle and other toys in the den.

The three women stood beside the window and watched David crawl into the driver’s side of the buggy. “Guess Emily is letting him drive,” Lillian said.

Vera watched her daughter climb into the passenger side. “I see that.”

David turned the buggy and headed down the driveway.

Lillian turned to face Vera as her brows drew together with concern. “David has never had much interest in dating. He seems to avoid getting close to anyone. It worries Samuel and me.” Then a smile eased across her face. “But I’m glad to see that he seems to have taken an interest in Emily.”

“Emily seems like such a lovely girl,” Katie Ann added.

Vera wished she could tell them about everything her family had been through, everything Emily had been through. Sometimes the pain overwhelmed her, and pushing forward as if nothing had happened was the only way she could survive. She liked these women, but she didn’t know them very well. How would Lillian react when she found out that Emily had been attacked and taken by another man? Would she see Emily as unworthy for her stepson?

Lillian touched her on the arm. “Are you all right?”

“Ya, ya.” Vera tried to clear her thoughts of all that haunted her. “I was just thinking about how Emily hasn’t been interested in dating anyone since we moved here. She mostly stays to herself.”

They all glanced out the window again just as David pulled onto the main road.

“Well, as Katie Ann said, Emily is lovely, and I can see why David would want to spend time with her.” Lillian glanced briefly toward Vera; then she looked back out the window. “I hope they have a gut time.”

Vera nodded. “So do I.” She forced a smile, then said a silent prayer for Emily. Help her to feel joy again, Lord.

THE SUN SHONE brightly as they headed toward Martha’s house.

“Danki for letting me drive.” David turned toward her and grinned. “Nothing worse than a woman driver.”

Emily glanced briefly in his direction and cut her eyes, then focused on the snow-capped mountains ahead of her. “I can’t wait to climb one of those some day.”

“Why do you want to do that?” David gave her a sidelong glance.

She paused as she thought about how distant she was from God. “So I’ll be closer to heaven.”

David was quiet for a moment, then said, “Maybe I better climb up there with you.”

Emily didn’t respond, but by David’s tone, she could tell he was troubled. She wasn’t ready to dive into anyone else’s problems, so she stayed quiet the rest of the short drive to Martha’s.

When David turned down the driveway of the large home, Emily finally spoke. “Martha is not a very friendly Englisch woman.” She reached into the backseat to retrieve the bag of food her mother had sent with them.

Martha lived alone. ping off some jams at Abby’s bakery. Martha hadn’t said much, but she loaded up on Mamm met her one day while dropMamm’s rhubarb jam. She’d said it was the best she’d ever had. Guess that’s all it took for Mamm to befriend her, although Martha didn’t seem to need or want friends. The older woman was cranky to the point of being rude almost every time Emily was around her. She shook her head as she recalled that the whole point of this trip was to have some time alone, get away from David, and clear her head.

“Why are you shaking your head?” David eased the buggy to a stop next to an old car covered in snow.

Emily shrugged. “Just hoping Martha is in a better mood than she usually is.”

“If she’s so cranky, why does your mamm do things like this, send food for her?”

“I guess because she is alone.” Emily thought briefly about how she’d been treating her mother lately. Poorly, she knew. And despite Mamm’s bubbly attitude, despite the circumstances, Emily knew her mother to be a good woman, always helping others. Then why can’t she help me?

Emily climbed out of the buggy. She was about to close the door when David spoke.

“Guess I’ll just stay here.” He grimaced. “No need for both of us to take the food to her.”

Emily glared at him. “Oh no. You come with me. It would be rude of you to stay out here, and I’d hate for you not to meet Martha.” She shot him a snide grin and waited until he had stepped out of the buggy before she closed her own door.

Together they trudged through the snow to Martha’s front door.

“This place is huge.” David glanced around Martha’s spacious yard, then upward at her two story house, much larger than most of the homes in the area.

“Ya. She doesn’t really do much with it. I mean, take care of it.”

They climbed the steps to Martha’s front door, and Emily knocked, softly at first, then harder when Martha didn’t answer.

“Maybe we can just leave the food on the front porch and run,” David whispered, but his eyes were openly amused, and Emily was forced to stifle a giggle before she reprimanded him.

“Stop it. We can’t do that.” Emily repositioned the plastic bag across her arm just as David reached for it.

“Here, let me take that for you.”

Emily jerked away from him. “rowed her eyes playfully. “You’ll just drop it and run.”Ach, no. I’ve got it.” She nar

He stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Do you really think I would do that?”

Emily tapped her shoe against the snow-covered porch step and raised her chin. “I think you just might.”

His gentle laugh rippled through the air, and Emily laughed infectiously back at him, unsure why and not really caring. It felt good to laugh. “Why are you laughing?” she finally asked.

“Why are you laughing?”

Emily bent slightly at the waist as her free arm covered her abdomen. “I don’t know.”

The massive wooden door swung open in front of them, and they both choked back their amusement. Emily straightened. “Hello, Martha.”

“What’s so funny?” Dark, snappy eyes looked out from a wrinkled face topped with a mass of curly dark brown hair. Red lipstick lined thin lips pinched together into a scowl. Martha walked onto the porch and glanced back and forth between Emily and David. “Emily, who is this man?”

Emily cleared her throat. “Martha, this is David Stoltzfus.

He and his family just moved here from—”

“What’s in the bag?” Martha leaned toward Emily a bit and raised one brow.

“Mamm sent you some turkey and Thanksgiving side dishes.” Emily pulled the bag from her arm and pushed it in Martha’s direction.

Martha latched on, then peered inside as if poison were inside. “I don’t see any cranberry.”

“No, it’s there.” Emily leaned forward and pulled back the edge of the plastic bag, then pointed to a small plastic container. “The one with the green lid.”

Martha’s expression softened. But only a little. Emily stepped back. “Hope you enjoy it. It was nice to see you again.”

“And nice to meet you,” David added with much more sincerity than Martha surely deserved.

Emily turned to leave, David on her heels.

“Do you want to come in?” Martha’s voice was loud and raspy, and Emily tried to hide her shock when she spun around to face her. Several times she had delivered food to Martha, and never once had she been invited inside. And I’m not fond of the idea right now.

“Uh, we don’t want to bother you.” She glanced at David, whose eyes seemed to be begging Emily to decline.

Martha turned around, pulled the door wide, and held it open. “No bother. Come in.”

Her voice left little room for argument as she held the door until Emily and David moved slowly across the threshold and into a large den with no more light than at their own houses. She wondered briefly if Martha had electricity, but rays from a small lamp in the corner caught Emily’s eye. Still, Emily’s home, void of modern electricity, was much brighter and more inviting than this giant, but depressing, space that smelled like something Emily couldn’t quite identify. Almost like—like the homemade ointment Mamm used on Levi’s cut leg one time.

Wood creaked beneath Emily as she scanned Martha’s den. A red and gold couch rested against a tan wall, and it looked like it was real fancy at one time, but it was worn now, the colors faded. There was a picture of an owl in flight above it. In front of the couch was a coffee table, presumably. You couldn’t see it for all the magazines and newspapers strewn across it, and four cups were balanced unevenly on top of all that. To Emily’s right was a large cage in the corner. Emily moved closer.

“That’s Elvis.” Martha slammed the wooden door and joined Emily. “He’ll talk to you.” She gingerly reached her finger into the cage and stroked the long snout on the big bird with every color in the rainbow nestled amidst its feathers.

“A parrot?” David moved closer to the women.

Martha nodded, and Emily was surprised at the tenderness the woman showed the bird. Elvis almost sounded as if he was purring like a cat as Martha continued to rub his hooked mouth. “Who is Elvis?” Martha leaned her head down closer to the cage.

“The king.”

Emily jumped when the bird spoke. She turned to David, whose mouth tipped at one corner.

“Did he say ‘the king’?” Emily didn’t understand. There was only one King she knew of—Christ.

“Yeah, he’s something, my Elvis.” Martha smiled, something Emily had never seen her do. Then Martha bolted upright. “Anyway, sit down.” She pointed to the couch. The only other piece of furniture in the room was a brown recliner with long tears down one side, exposing the white foam beneath it. The lamp on the end table wobbled when Martha sat down in the recliner, and Martha didn’t even look when she reached over to steady it.

Emily and David took a seat on the small couch. Too small. Emily felt her knee brush against David’s leg. She eased over as much as she could, but he was still uncomfortably close to her.

“You two make a nice couple.” Martha made the statement, frowning as she spoke.

“Thank you.” David turned to Emily and grinned, and Emily was sure that if there were more light in the room, Martha would have commented on the shade of red brightening Emily’s cheeks. Emily twisted to face David, and she spoke directly to him.

“We are not a couple.” She sat taller and held her chin high. David grinned, but Emily quickly pulled her attention from him and turned to Martha when the older woman cackled with laughter.

“Sure ya are. Might not know it yet, but the two of you definitely got a thing for each other.”

I am never coming here again. Emily opened her mouth to speak but was clearly unable to say what was on her mind.

“That’s what I keep telling her,” David said, shaking his head. “But she just won’t listen.”

Emily faced David again, dropped her jaw. “What are you talking about?”

Before David could answer, the bird squawked, then sang, “Love me tender, love me sweet . . .”

Emily glared at the bird, then turned to David, who looked equally horrified, which made her laugh.

“Gotta love my Elvis. He tells it like he sees it.” Martha choked the words out in her raspy voice, followed up with chopped laughter. Then she grew completely solemn and stared at Emily.

Emily waited and kept her eyes on Martha. To look at David would be too much right now. Silly bird needed to keep its mouth shut.

“Your mother got any of that rhubarb jam of hers? I’ll gladly pay.”

Emily didn’t think she’d ever felt so relieved to have a change in subject. “I’m sure she does. I can ask her.”

“Maybe you could, uh, come back and bring me some?”

“Sure.” It was the last thing Emily wanted to commit to— coming back to this dreary place that smelled funny with a smarty pants bird as an occupant, but she nodded as she spoke.

Mamm had said once that Martha was in her sixties, but Emily thought she looked much older. Several deep lines ran parallel along Martha’s forehead, and tiny wrinkles feathered from the corners of her eyes and around her mouth. She had dark circles under large brown eyes that were heavily made up. A few sprigs of gray were interspersed within her mass of brown curls, but not enough to notice too much. Some of the Englisch women Emily knew used boxes of hair color. Maybe Martha did too. Emily thought Martha must have been an attractive Englisch woman at one time. Now she seemed rather run down, and not in the way that comes from years of hard work, but maybe from a hard life. Martha never spoke of a husband, children, or any other family. Mamm told Emily once that Martha didn’t have any family.

Emily took a deep breath and thought for a moment about her own future. Even if she didn’t have a husband or children, at least she would have her family.

“We should probably be going.” David smiled briefly in Emily’s direction, which she could see out of the corner of her eye.

“Ya, I reckon so.” Emily stood up. “I’ll bring you some rhubarb jam soon.”

Martha stood up at the same time David rose from the couch. “When?”

“Uh, maybe later in the week?” Emily offered her a slight smile.

Martha folded her arms across her chest. “Hmm.” Then she turned to leave the room. “Wait right here. I’ll be back.”

Emily stood quietly beside David, still too embarrassed to look at him. Martha returned quickly.

“Here.” Martha pushed a piece of paper in Emily’s direction. “My old car is on the fritz, and I can’t get to the market.

Can you pick up these things for me tomorrow and bring them by? You can bring the rhubarb jam then too.”

Emily knew her eyes were as large as saucers. “Uh, Martha, I don’t have my own buggy, but maybe Mamm can shop for you soon, or—”

“He can take you.” She pointed to David. “I bet you have your own buggy.” She raised her brows.

Before either one of them could answer, Martha handed Emily a wad of cash. “That’s plenty for the groceries and a hundred dollars for your time.”

Emily’s mind was racing about what she could do with a hundred dollars. She could use it to buy a wedding gift for Jacob and Beth Ann. “Martha, we will figure out a way to get your groceries, but I can’t take that much money.”

“Fine.” Martha snatched the money back, counted it and removed a few bills, then handed Emily the rest. She pushed the rest of the bills toward David. “You take fifty for carting her to town and because I need some firewood cut. Otherwise I’ll freeze to death in this house, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that on your conscience, now would you?”

Emily turned to David, brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a grin, and waited to see how he would handle the request.

When David didn’t reach for the money, Martha pushed it closer to him and raised her chin as her brows frowned along with her bright red lips.

David took the money as he hesitantly said, “Okay.” Martha looked so scary, he was probably afraid not to.

“I eat supper at five. I’ll need time to heat something up.” Martha tapped her finger to her chin. “Can you both be here at four tomorrow?”

“Uh, I don’t know if . . .” Emily glanced toward David, hoping he’d offer up some help, but he just stared wordlessly back at her. She turned back to Martha. “I have to work at the dry goods store, but I could probably leave a little early. But we’d need time to shop.”

“I guess I could do the shopping, then pick you up at the store,” David said with a shrug.

“No, no, no.” Martha shook her head so hard half her hair fell from atop her head. She pulled a clip from her hair, bit down on it, then stuffed the curls back and pinned them. “Men can’t shop. You take Emily shopping and then just show up here after that.” She sighed. “There’s a light in the backyard. Should be enough for you to cut me some wood.” Another sigh. “I’ll just eat late.”

Emily and David headed toward the door, still clothed in their heavy coats. “I guess we will see you tomorrow, Martha.” She thought about another trip with David tomorrow. Grocery shopping. David pulled the door open, and Emily walked onto the porch as David followed. “Bye, Martha.” Emily waved, as did David.

“See you tomorrow.” Martha waved, and Emily thought she caught a brief smile.

David opened the driver’s side of the buggy. “Guess you can drive, since you have to drop me off.” He waited until Emily got in, then closed the door behind her before he wound around to the passenger side and climbed in. “I’m not sure how we got pulled into this, but I can use fifty dollars.” David chuckled. “And what about that bird of hers?”

“Weird.” Emily shook her head as she flicked the horse into action. “I’m saving up to buy something special as a wedding gift for Jacob and Beth Ann, so the money will come in handy for me too.”

David didn’t look at her as he stared out of the window on his side. “I’m saving up so I can get out of here and move back to Lancaster County.”

Maybe his words shouldn’t have stung, but they did. They rode quietly until Emily turned into David’s driveway and wound between the piles of debris in the yard.

“I’ll be glad when the weather clears some so we can get this place cleaned up.” David waited until she came to a complete stop, then turned to face her. “What time should I pick you up?

I’m planning to help mei daed around here all day, so I guess I’ll ask Lillian to hold my supper for me while we help out your friend.”

For the first time, Emily was reading Martha’s grocery list. “Uh, what?”

“I asked what time I should pick you up tomorrow?”

“I guess four, although we’ll probably be traveling in the dark part of the way.” Emily cocked her head to one side as she continued to stare at Martha’s list. “I can’t believe she pushed us into doing this, but . . .” She took a deep breath. “This list bothers me.” She handed it to David. “Look at this food.”

Eight

KATIE ANN POURED EGGS INTO A SKILLET WHILE IVAN read the newspaper at the kitchen table. It was a repeat of almost every morning since they’d moved to Canaan. Katie Ann fought the bitterness that threatened to seep into her heart and ruin the day. Today she was not going to wear her feelings on her shoulder, and she was going to be chipper and happy around her husband. Even if he seemed more interested in that newspaper than anything Katie Ann might have to say.

“Thanksgiving was nice yesterday, no?” She glanced over her shoulder briefly, then returned to stirring the eggs. “I like Vera and her family.”

“Seem like fine folks.” Ivan continued to peer down through his reading glasses at the newspaper.

“When we get things unpacked and the house readied for company, maybe we can have them over for supper one night.” She adjusted the flame under the eggs when they started to stick. “And of course, Lillian, Samuel, David, and the girls too.”

Ivan looked up. “Where would we put all those people?” He glanced around the kitchen table, only large enough to seat six.

“Sounds like a gut excuse to buy a larger table and chairs. This haus is bigger than our home in Lancaster County. It might need work, but there’s surely room in this kitchen for a bigger table and more chairs.”

Ivan didn’t say anything and went back to reading. She kept stirring the eggs. “I sliced a little ham for breakfast this morning, to go with the eggs. I’ll need to get some bacon at the market next time I go.” She twisted to face him. “I hope we have our own pigs soon.”

Ivan kept his face buried in the paper and nodded.

She finished the eggs, then spooned some on a plate for Ivan, along with two slices of ham. “Do you want some toast?” Katie Ann put the plate in front of him.

“No. This is enough.” He closed the newspaper as Katie Ann joined him at the table. They both bowed in prayer.

“I’m planning to help Samuel and David with the yard today. There’s lots of junk that the girls can get hurt on.” Ivan took a bite of eggs but didn’t look at her when he spoke.

“I’ll see if there’s anything I can help Lillian with. That haus needs much more work than this one.”

They ate quietly, and Katie Ann was sure she could hear her heart cracking as loneliness settled in, despite her best intentions. She took a deep breath, refusing to be defeated.

“I think David has taken a fancy to the Detweiler girl.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin, then kept her gaze on Ivan until his eyes met hers. “Remember when we were that age? When we were young and in lieb?”

Ivan smiled. Not a lot. But hope surged through her. “Ya, I remember,” he said. Then his eyebrows narrowed, and he kept his eyes on his plate as he spoke. “Seems like such a long time ago.”

Katie Ann’s heart sank. There was no mistaking the sadness and regret in Ivan’s voice.

They were quiet again for a while.

“I was thinking that I would like to get a dog,” she said after she finished her breakfast.

“What kind of dog?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. We haven’t had a dog in a long while. Not since Bear died.” Katie Ann tapped her finger to her chin as she remembered their German shepherd who was hit by a car.

“Get whatever you want.” Ivan stood up from the table, then pulled his hat from the rack. “Guess I’ll go round up Samuel and David and see where they want to start.”

Katie Ann nodded.

She watched Ivan close the door behind him.

Then she just sat and cried.

DAVID WAS WORN out by the afternoon. He’d spent all day helping his father and Ivan haul junk to the barn, things that were lying around the yard that Anna and Elizabeth could get hurt on. He had two cuts on his finger from a piece of jagged tin as proof. After bandaging them, he would get ready for his trip with Emily, which he had mixed feelings about.

First there would be shopping, which seemed odd. He’d never done grocery shopping except to pick up a few things here and there for Lillian, plus he’d be doing it with Emily. Martha had a long list of things she wanted, and her list was as strange as the woman herself.

After a quick bath, he told Lillian where he was going.

“That’s nice of you and Emily to get her groceries for her since she can’t get out.” Lillian opened the door of the oven and peered inside. “This roast will be ready before you get home, and you know how your daed likes to eat right at five.” She closed the door and turned to face him. “But there will be plenty left for you to have when you get home.”

David reached for his heavy coat on the rack. “I like to eat at five too.”

“Ya, I know. Like father, like son.” Lillian smiled. “Is the woman as cranky as Emily and Vera said?”

“Uh, ya. I would have to say so.” David pulled his hat from the rack, put it on, and was almost out the door when he turned around. “She’s paying me and Emily to go to town for her and for me to chop some firewood for her.” He paused. “Do you think that’s wrong, for us to take money for helping her?”

Lillian folded her arms across her chest. “What do you think?”

David shrugged. “I guess it’s all right. No different than other chores I’ve done for the Englisch in the past in Lancaster County.”

“As long as you feel gut about it.”

He was trying to feel good about it because he needed the money, but something didn’t feel quite right about taking money from an elderly woman whose car wasn’t running. He gave Lillian a quick wave and was glad to see it wasn’t snowing. Hopefully, he and Emily could get to Monte Vista and back to Martha’s before the sun set and the temperatures dropped. Doubtful, though.

Emily was on her front porch when he pulled up.

“We have to hurry,” she said as she climbed into the buggy. “It’s going to be dark before we get back to Martha’s. And cold.” Emily pulled the door closed and reached to the floorboard to turn on the portable heater. David grabbed a blanket he had in the backseat and handed it to her. “Danki. I forgot to grab one before I left the house.”

He put the horse into a quick trot and waited until they had crossed the main highway before he said what was on his mind. “How do you feel about taking money from Martha?” He shrugged. “If she needs our help, maybe it ain’t right.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” She turned toward him. “As much as I want to save my money for Jacob and Beth Ann’s wedding present, to take money from an older woman whose car won’t run . . . it just doesn’t seem right.” Emily pulled the brown blanket tighter around her. “I have an idea, though. A way we can help Martha, not keep the money, but not give it back either.”

“This is about her list of groceries she wants us to get, no?”

Emily nodded. “It made me so sad. Every single thing on that list was something frozen or unhealthy. There were no fresh vegetables, no fruit, no flour or sugar for baking, and no meat.”

“I reckon I don’t know much about shopping, but I wouldn’t want to eat that stuff.”

“I’m going to get everything on Martha’s list, but add my fifty dollars and get her some extra things. Some fruit, vegetables .  . . healthier foods.”

“Why don’t we just skip the stuff on her list and get some meat, fruits, and vegetables?” I really don’t want to give up my fifty dollars. He looked over at Emily and saw her scowling.

“Do you really want to return to Martha’s and tell her we didn’t get anything on her list?” she asked. “Somehow I think she would be angry.”

David groaned slightly. “I guess I better throw in my fifty dollars too.”

Emily twisted in the seat to face him. “You sound like it would kill you. Maybe you should keep your money.”

“Nah. I wasn’t feeling right about it anyway.” He picked up the pace, which caused Emily to bounce in her seat. “Sorry,” he said with a grin.

She didn’t say anything, but faced forward until they reached the market in Monte Vista about twenty minutes later. But his eyes kept drifting in her direction.

EMILY LET DAVID load the grocery bags into the backseat of the buggy. Between them, they had fourteen dollars left out of the hundred they were supposed to keep. Martha had given them a hundred dollars for the items on her list, plus they’d picked up all kinds of fresh fruit, vegetables, and meat. David had mostly trailed behind her as she walked down the aisles, as if he’d never been to market before. It was an uncomfortable experience and one Emily didn’t want to repeat.

“She might be mad we did this,” David said as he loaded the last bag, then raised himself onto the seat.

Emily pulled the brown blanket around her. “Can she be any worse than she already is?”

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” With a flick of the reins, they were back on the road. Nightfall settled around them. He cut his eyes toward her, his teeth chattering. “Maybe you could share that blanket?”

She turned her head toward him. “Here, you can have it.” She started to pull the cover from around her shoulders.

“You’re being silly. Just scoot over here and share it with me before I freeze.”

“I’m not that cold.” She wadded the blanket up and pushed it toward him.

David grunted. “That’s dumm. And I ain’t the kind of man to warm myself under that blanket while you sit there with your teeth chattering. There ain’t nothing to be scared of.”

Emily held her breath and closed her eyes for a moment as thoughts of James raced through her mind. David isn’t James. But the thought of being that close to David made her more uncomfortable than she knew how to explain. “I’m not scared,” she squeaked out.

“You keep the blanket.” He pushed it back toward her.

“I don’t need it.”

“Fine.” David threw the blanket in the backseat on top of the bags of groceries, and they didn’t say anything to each other the rest of the trip. Emily tried to control her chattering teeth and thought about how stubborn he was being. Or is it me?

It was completely dark by the time they pulled into Martha’s driveway. They each grabbed two bags and eased their way up the porch steps. The door swung open before they had a chance to knock.

“Did you get everything on my list?” Martha stepped aside so David and Emily could enter with the bags.

“Ya. I think so.” Emily waited for Martha to give them instructions.

“Kitchen is that way. You can just put the bags on the table.” Martha pointed to her right, then followed behind them.

Emily walked into the spacious kitchen with enough counter space to line up a hundred shoofly pies for a Sunday gathering. Unlike the den area where Martha must spend most of her time, the kitchen was spotless. Emily scanned the countertops. No fancy gadgets like the Englisch usually had. No toaster, electric can opener, or microwave. Not even a coffee pot.

“I’ll go get the rest of the bags.” David put his two bags on the table and quickly left the room.

“Emily Detweiler. What is this?” Martha held up a bag of fresh broccoli, then set it on the table and pulled out a bag of apples. She raised her dark brows. “I don’t recall any of this on my list. Did you confuse these apples with my frozen apple turnovers?” She grunted as she picked up the broccoli again. “And I can’t imagine what you confused this with?”

“We got everything on your list, Martha. We just—just thought you might enjoy some other foods too.” Emily stood perfectly still as Martha began to pull the offerings out of the bags.

“Flour? What do I need flour for?”

Emily stepped forward and forced a smile. “For baking. You know, to make bread. Or cookies.” Martha scowled as Emily hesitantly kept going. “And you can fry chicken using flour. Look, we got you some chicken.” She pulled out a package of chicken breasts.

“And the hundred dollars I gave you for groceries bought all this?” Martha let out a heavy sigh and shook her head before Emily would have been forced to lie. “All right, Emily. The kitchen is all yours.”

“What?” Emily swallowed hard.

David walked in with four more bags and placed them on the counter. “Three more left.”

After he was gone, Martha continued the inspection. “Finally, here we go.” She pulled out a single serving of frozen lasagna, a bag of French fries, a box of corndogs, a box of apple turnovers, and the last item in the bag was a box of frozen fish sticks. “These are the things on my list.” She shook her head. “I had no idea you would get all these other things.” She put her hands on her hips. “Whatever you decide to cook is fine with me.”

And for the first time, Martha smiled.

Emily stood with her mouth hanging open. “I—you—you want me to cook for you?”

Martha’s smiled faded as her brows narrowed. “Isn’t that what you intended by buying all this food? I don’t cook, Emily. Never have. Wouldn’t know the first thing about it.”

“Here’s the rest.” David plopped down the last three bags on the floor near the kitchen table. “I’ll go start on the firewood.”

“Good. Emily is going to cook us supper. Then we will all sit down to eat together.” Martha’s tone made Emily hesitant to argue, but this was not part of the agreement.

“Martha, I’ll be glad to cook for you on another night, but tonight I—”

“Ohhh!” Martha bent at the waist as she cried out. Then she cried out again.

Emily ran to her side and put a hand on her arm. “What is it, Martha? What’s wrong?” She’d never heard anyone moan like that before. “What can I do?”

David wasn’t out of the room yet, and he walked to Martha, then pulled a chair away from the table. “Sit down, Martha.”

“Thank you, David. Thank you both.” She eased onto the chair. “It’s just my back. It goes out like this from time to time.” As she shook her head, her face scrunched together, which seemed to make all her wrinkles connect. “You kids go on now. I’m sure I can manage. I’ll just heat up my frozen lasagna.” She glanced up at David and batted long black lashes. “Like I always do.”

“I reckon it’s gonna take me awhile to chop up some firewood. I’m sure Emily can make us all some supper, if that’s what you want.”

Emily glared at David, who only shrugged innocently.

“I don’t want to trouble anyone.” Martha moaned again, and Emily started thinking about what she would prepare.

An hour later Emily placed a meatloaf, corn on the cob, and some creamed celery on the table as David stacked firewood outside Martha’s back door. Martha’s back didn’t seem to be bothering her as much. She was placing gold-rimmed china plates on three white cloth placemats she’d set out. Fanciest plates Emily had ever seen, and it seemed they should be saved for special occasions. When Emily mentioned that, Martha said this was a special occasion, and Emily was touched enough to drop the subject.

“I’m sorry we don’t have any homemade bread, and I didn’t buy any at the store.” Emily stood in the kitchen holding a jar of rhubarb jam she’d brought from home before realizing there was no bread. “Guess we won’t be needing this.”

“Nonsense.” Martha took the jar from Emily and placed it on the table. “This stuff is good on anything.”

David walked into the kitchen and pulled off his black gloves. “It smells denly seemed intimate to be cooking like this, then all of them sitting down for a meal together. She barely knew Martha or David.gut in here.” He smiled at Emily, and it sud

“The girl can cook, that’s for sure.” Martha put her hands on her hips and lifted her chin toward Emily. “Bet you’ll make a good wife someday.”

Emily felt her cheeks heat, and she didn’t dare look at David. Martha didn’t know how untrue her comment was, but Emily tried to focus on her accomplishments in Martha’s kitchen on such short notice. “Everything is ready.” She put a glass of milk in front of each placemat.

Martha sat down at the head of the table, then shook her head. “I don’t drink milk, Emily.”

David sat down to Martha’s right as Emily slid into a chair on Martha’s left. “Why?”

“Because it’s the foulest tasting thing I’ve ever put in my mouth, that’s why.” She sat taller as she turned toward Emily, frowning.

Emily got up and took the glass of milk from in front of Martha. “What would you like?” How did I ever get talked into this? She put the glass of milk on the counter, then turned and waited. But before Martha could answer, Emily asked, “Do you have any chocolate syrup, like you put on ice cream?” Levi didn’t like the taste of milk either, and Emily’s mother had been adding a squirt of chocolate syrup to it for as long as Emily could remember.

“No, Emily. I’m not adding chocolate syrup to my milk. I don’t like milk, with or without chocolate in it.” Martha sighed. “There’s a cola in the fridge I can drink.”

Emily picked up the milk and put it back in front of Martha. “Cola is bad for you. Milk makes you have strong bones.” Emily folded her arms across her chest and pressed her lips together.

“I—I don’t . . .” Martha sighed. “Fine, Emily. I will drink the milk.”

Emily sat back down.

“Even though I can’t stand it.” Martha reached for the spoon Emily had put in the creamed celery. “I love the way your people make celery.”

“My people also pray before a meal.” Emily folded her hands in front of her on the table, then bowed her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Martha ease the spoon back down, then bow her head. After she was done silently thanking the Lord for the food before them, she lifted her head to see Martha’s head still firmly down, her eyes squeezed shut.

Emily waited. And waited. She looked across the table at David, who shrugged lightly. “Martha?”

Martha’s eyes bolted open. “What?”

“Are you done praying?” Emily unfolded the cloth napkin and put it in her lap.

“Done? I was waiting on you to get started.”

“We pray silently before and after a meal.” Emily fought a grin. “I thought you knew that.”

Martha let out a heavy sigh. “No, Emily, I didn’t know that. For the sake of us who don’t have a direct connection to God, maybe you could say a little something out loud instead of making me guess.”

Emily looked across the table at David and noticed he had covered his mouth with his hand, though Emily could see him stifling a grin. She took a deep breath as she lowered her head and thought about her lack of connection with God for the past three months. Then she recited a generic prayer that she’d been silently saying before meals for months. “Dear Lord, bless this food before us, bless the days ahead of us, and bless all who cross in front of us or behind us, as we all make our way to You. Aamen.”

She knew she was just going through the motions. But she also knew that she hadn’t really sought out true communion with God since her attack. She loved God, but her trust in His will had left her the day James forced himself on her.

Seek Me with all your heart, Emily . . .

Emily heard Martha and David both say Amen, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw them start to load their plates, but she sat quiet and still for a moment. She wondered if it was the inner voice that she hadn’t heard in such a long time, but she was unsure how to seek out what she’d come to doubt. For the first time in her life, Emily found her faith tested, and she couldn’t seem to find her way back to the peacefulness that she’d evidently taken for granted.

“I need to talk to you both about something.” Martha scooped another spoonful of creamed celery onto her plate. Emily and David waited for Martha to take a bite, then swallow, before she went on. “I’m not a well woman, as you can see by my back trouble.” She reached around with one hand and rubbed the middle of her back. “I could use some help around here, and I’ll gladly pay both of you to come help me clean this place up, and”—she cut her eyes in Emily’s direction— “maybe even prepare a couple of meals like this every week.”

Emily halted her fork, filled with meatloaf, halfway to her mouth. “Martha, I’m sure there are lots of folks that you could pay to help you, but I have a job at the country store.”

David didn’t say anything, but instead pushed some food around on his plate.

Martha shrugged. “Suit yourself, but I was thinking along the lines of about fifty dollars per day, just a couple of hours each evening to help me clean, cook a meal, and . . .” She grinned at David. “I got all kinds of work you can do. Home repair type stuff.” She paused with a sigh. “But if you aren’t interested, then . . .”

“I’m interested.” David put his fork down and repeated himself. “I’m interested.”

Emily thought about all the things she could do with that much money, but spending that much time with Martha— and David—was out of the question. Plus, she already had a job, and she was expected to help with chores at home and with supper at night. “I’m sorry I can’t accept your kind offer.”

“Me too.” Martha put her fork down, then grimaced as she reached around and grabbed her back. “It’s just so hard for me to take care of this place.”

Emily lowered her head. “I’m so sorry. I will ask others I know if they might be interested.”

Martha shook her head as she eased out of her chair. “No. Only you.” She turned to David. “And you. I’m not having any strangers in my house. No ma’am. No strangers. No cranky people underfoot.”

Emily glanced across the table at David and tried not to grin.

“Well, uh, I can help my dad fix up the house during the day, then come do any handyman chores here and chop wood in the evenings.” David wrapped his mouth around a cob of corn and took a hearty bite.

Martha straightened up, moaning. She frowned as she looked down on David who had a mouthful. “You cook?”

David swallowed. “No, but—”

“Then no. It’s a package deal. The both of ya. Talk about it while I go to the bathroom.”

Emily watched Martha shuffling to the bathroom, walking slowly as she held the small of her back with one hand.

“I am not coming over here several times a week. I can’t, David.” She shook her head. “Nor do I want to.”

“What about three times a week? That’s a hundred and fifty dollars each per week, Emily, on top of whatever you might make at the dry goods store.” David put the corn down, then wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Couldn’t you use that money for something?”

Emily thought again about the gift she wanted to buy, but shook her head. “I can’t. I have to help Mamm make supper at night.”

David shifted his weight in the chair. “Well, I don’t know why she won’t let me work for her without you.” He tipped his head to one side. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m sorry if I’m holding you back, David, but I can’t do it.” Emily laid her napkin across her half-eaten plate of food. “Sorry.”

“What about twice a week? I can pick you up and take you home. You wouldn’t have to worry about using one of the family buggies or traveling in the dark. I can’t do it forever, just until it’s time to ready the fields for planting. Think your folks would agree to that?”

“Even if they did, I don’t.” Emily glared across the table at David, then looked toward the den when she heard footsteps coming across the wooden floors—floors badly in need of waxing.

“Emily, you take this to your momma when you go.” Martha pushed two large bolts of colorful fabric in Emily’s direction. “She can use them to make quilts.”

“Thank you, Martha.” Emily accepted the bolts, then set them down on the floor beside her. “How much does my mother owe for these?”

Martha waved her hand at Emily. “Nothing. I like to do for others.” She leaned forward a bit and put her hand on her back again. Emily looked across the table at David, and he was glowering at her as if she was the worst person on the planet.

“Maybe—maybe we could come help you twice a week?” Emily took a deep breath. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “Martha, you would be paying David and me too much money, though. You’d be paying us each a hundred dollars per week, and that seems like a lot.”

“You’ll earn it.” Martha straightened up. “Believe you me.”

Emily blew out a slow breath, fearing Martha’s words to be true.

Nine

EMILY HELPED HER MOTHER FOLD THE LAST LOAD OF clothes they’d piled on the couch in the den. Her father and Levi were still at work, installing a solar panel for a nearby Englisch family, and Jacob was at the store. He had agreed to watch the store so Emily could get off early twice a week but only in exchange for baking him a chocolate shoofly pie once a week.

David would be arriving any minute, and her stomach rolled with anticipation about this entire venture. She tried to stay focused on the money she would be saving, but part of her was glad to be spending time with David, even though she was trying to push that thought from her mind.

“This is a nice thing you are doing, helping Martha.” Mamm smiled as she laid a folded towel atop a stack of other towels on the coffee table.

“She’s paying us, Mamm. It’s a job.” Emily brought two corners of a towel together and folded.

“Ya. She’s paying you well.”

“Do you think it’s wrong? Maybe we shouldn’t be doing it.”

“I reckon Martha wouldn’t have offered if she couldn’t afford it and didn’t need the help. If it wasn’t you and David, it would be someone else.”

Emily didn’t say that Martha refused to have anyone but her and David. She reached for the last towel in the pile.

“And it’s nice that you and David will be spending time together. He seems like such a nice young man.”

“Mamm, please don’t start this afternoon about David.”

“What? I just made a comment, Emily.” Her mother shrugged, then picked up the laundry basket.

Emily turned to get her coat and bonnet from the rack. “I hear David coming up the drive.”

“Be safe. What are you cooking for Martha?”

“I don’t know.” Emily grinned. “But I’m sure she’ll let me know what she wants.”

Her mother chuckled. “Ya. I’m sure she will.”

Emily tied the strings on her black bonnet under her chin, then buttoned her coat.

“Well, don’t forget to make your brother’s pie.” Mamm raised her brows and grinned. “You do remember what he did last time you promised him a pie and didn’t make him one, don’t you?”

“Ya, I remember.” Emily scowled as she recalled the way Jacob put a frog in her bed every night until he got his pie. Frogs were God’s creatures, but Emily didn’t care for them. Particularly in her bed. She and Jacob were much younger then, but she wasn’t sure Jacob wouldn’t repeat himself. “I won’t forget.”

Betsy rounded the corner with a book tucked under her arm. “Are you going to marry David Stoltzfus?”

“No, Betsy!” Emily pulled the wooden door open and saw David exiting the buggy. That’s all she needed was for David to overhear Betsy’s comments. “I have to go.”

Betsy set her book on the kitchen table. “Gut. I don’t want you to marry him.” Then she turned to Mamm. “Can I play with Anna and Elizabeth later today?”

Emily didn’t hear her mother’s response. She closed the door behind her, darted down the porch steps, and climbed into the buggy.

“This sunshine makes it feel not nearly as cold.” David closed the door behind her and walked around and got inside. “It wasn’t too bad a drive over here, but that blanket is still in the back. You’ll probably need that.” David pointed behind them, then maneuvered the horse until they were heading back down the driveway.

Emily reached for the folded blanket and laid it on her lap.

After a few minutes, David turned toward her. “Feel like sharing that?” He grinned, even though his body shivered.

“I thought you said it wasn’t that cold?” Emily started to spread out the blanket.

“The sun is shining; that’s what I said. It doesn’t seem as cold, but it’s still cold.” David eyed her with a critical squint. “Plenty of blanket for both of us, I’d say.”

Emily recalled their last squabble about the blanket, so she tossed part of the blanket onto his leg, careful not to touch him.

“Danki.” David pulled the brown wool across his lap.

They were quiet for a few moments, and Emily watched David eyeing their surroundings. “It seems so barren here,” he said after a while. “And you hardly ever see another buggy on

the road. At home, you couldn’t drive a half mile without passing other Amish folks you knew.”

Emily heard the regret in his voice and decided this would be an opportunity to learn more about David, especially since they would be spending so much time together.

“So, why exactly did your family move here?” Emily twisted slightly to face him, hoping he wouldn’t throw the question back at her.

David shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I told you that my grandpa left us the land after he died, but the rest of our family is in Paradise, Pennsylvania, and Daed had plenty of land.” He shook his head. “I’m going to help Daed get these fields ready when the weather clears, and with the money I’ve saved, I’ll be making my way back to Lancaster County.”

His words stung more than the first time she’d heard him mention this, but she certainly understood. “It is a lot different here.”

David nodded. “Daed said even our planting schedule, what we plant, and everything will be different here. It’s pretty— the view of the mountains and everything—but in Paradise everything was really well-kept and sharp looking. There were houses all along the rolling hills, but here, the homes are so few and scattered. It seems . . . lonely, I guess.”

“I know what you mean. Except for the mountains around us, it’s very flat here. And you’re right . . . since the community is so new, there’s a long way to go before it’s like what we’re used to.”

“I won’t be around that long.” David stared straight ahead, his voice firm. He turned toward her. “What about you? You planning to get married and settle down around here?”

“No.” The word escaped her lips before she thought it through. David would want her to explain. “I mean, I plan to stay here, I guess.”

David smiled warmly. “And you’ll get married.”

Emily shrugged.

David’s blue eyes searched her face, as if trying to reach into her thoughts. “You don’t have much interest in dating, marriage, or any of it, do you?”

She raised her shoulders again, then dropped them slowly.

“That’s odd. A pretty maedel like you.”

Emily locked eyes with him as her heart fluttered. Why can’t things be different? She pulled her gaze from his and stared straight ahead for a moment, then she turned toward him. “You said you don’t have any interest in dating either. Why is that?”

David shifted his weight in the seat, and Emily suspected he was about to tell her a partial version of the truth. He had everything in the world going for him. She’d thought he was sparing her feelings when he’d told her before that he didn’t want to date anyone, but he sure sent mixed signals. Like his playful flirting at Martha’s house.

“Just not in my plan.” He didn’t look at her when he spoke. Emily kept her eyes on him for a few moments, but he didn’t elaborate.

“Well, I guess we chose each other wisely then.” His head turned toward Emily as she spoke. “We both needed a friend, and neither of us longs for anything more.” Emily knew it was now her who was giving a partial version of the truth. She longed for nothing more than to be loved. Loved by a good man, someone she could trust and raise a family with. But unworthiness filled the space around her, the air she breathed, and everything she touched. She fought the buildup of anger as she thought about everything James had stolen from her. She felt David’s eyes on her, and she slowly turned her head toward him.

“I’m glad we’re friends.” David smiled, and Emily’s heart pattered against her chest so hard she could barely breathe.

“Me too.”

“And, Emily . . .” David faced forward, his expression serious. “I know something happened to you, and I’m sorry. If you ever want to talk about it, or—”

“No.” She shook her head hard. “No.”

David held up a palm. “Okay, it’s okay. I was just offering.”

She took a deep breath, then watched the cold air cloud in front of her as she exhaled. “Maybe someday.” She heard herself say the words, but she couldn’t believe she’d said them. She could never tell David what happened. Never. Then why did I say that?

“The thought of anyone hurting you makes me feel like I could breathe fire and . . .” David scowled as he stopped midsentence, and Emily felt warm from head to toe, almost tempted to tell him. But then he’d see her as the ruined woman she was, and she’d prefer that he not look at her with pity.

She touched his arm, a spontaneous gesture that caught her off guard. “I’m fine now, David. Really.”

His eyes landed where her hand rested, then she quickly pulled it away.

DAVID WANTED TO reach over and latch onto Emily’s hand, for reasons that confused him. He had no plans to stay here, to ever marry, and certainly he didn’t want anything more than friendship from Emily. But her gentle touch sent his heart racing, and he would need to keep reminding himself that friendship was all he had to offer her. Growing close to Emily would only hurt them both in the long run. And from the looks of things, Emily had been hurt enough.

They rode silently for a while, just the clippety-clop of hooves against the asphalt. Snow banks several feet high lined both sides of the road like tiny replicas of the mountains that surrounded them, each small peak glistening from the sun’s bright rays. David was wishing he’d brought his sunglasses.

“So, which mountain are you going to climb?” he asked after the silence grew awkward. He looked her way, happy to see his question brought a smile to her face.

“I don’t know.” She frowned, folded her arms across her chest. “Levi said I can’t climb any of these mountains, but I reckon there has to be one suitable for climbing. In the spring I will find my mountain, and when I do, I’m going to climb it.” She nodded her head once, then turned toward him and smiled.

“You’re so pretty.” David silently blasted himself for voicing the thought, which just seemed to spill out, but it was so true.

She pulled her gaze from him, and it was cute the way she pinched her lips together as her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink. She didn’t look at him when she finally spoke. “Danki.”

Then, as if programmed, she reached up and touched the scar above her brow, which again invoked anger that David tried to squelch. The scar did nothing to take away from Emily’s looks, but she was so self-conscious about it. David fought the urge to yell out, Who did that to you? He knew that would only upset her, so instead, he took a deep breath and reminded himself that it was not their way to harbor such anger. Instead, he should be trying to forgive whoever hurt Emily.

But as he looked at her again, he realized that he felt a strong desire to protect her, and forgiveness would not come easily.

EMILY HAD OFFERED to clean up Martha’s den and any other rooms in the spacious house, but Martha said everything was fine just the way it was. A quick glimpse into the formal dining room told another tale. Magazines, boxes, and other odds and ends were piled on top of a long table with eight high back chairs. In the dim light, Emily couldn’t see more than the clutter, but she figured it was probably dirty.

“I don’t use that room,” Martha said. “So it doesn’t need to be cleaned.”

“What about the other rooms down here or upstairs?”

Martha reached out the palm of her hand to Elvis and offered him some nuts. “Nope. Just supper. I already have the table set.”

“Do you need more firewood, or what chores would you like me to start on?” David removed his black felt hat and waited for instructions.

“Huh?” Martha looked up at him after the bird finished his snack. She brushed her hands together, and Emily cringed as tiny nut crumbs breezed to the floor. “Oh. Chores for you. Uh, yeah. The light bulb in my hall closet needs changing. That’s also where I keep the spare light bulbs.” She motioned down the hallway behind her.

David stood there, obviously waiting for something else to do besides change a light bulb.

“Then chop more wood, I guess.” Martha shrugged before turning to Emily. “Let’s go into the kitchen, Emily. I have something to ask you.” She headed to the kitchen and Emily followed, turning once to see David walking out the back door toward the wood pile.

Martha pointed to a book lying open on the kitchen table. “Can you make this for supper?”

Emily leaned down to look at the recipe Martha was pointing to. “Chicken lasagna?”

“Yes. We have everything for you to make it, and that’s what I’d like to have for supper.” She nodded her head firmly.

Emily untied her bonnet and pulled it off. She secured loose strands of hair into her kapp as she read the recipe. “This calls for a can of cream of mushroom soup, cream of chicken soup, mozzarella cheese, and things you don’t have. Maybe next time I shop for you—”

“No. I have all those things.” Martha walked to the pantry and pulled the door open. “See?”

Emily didn’t remember seeing any cans of soup the day before, but now there were at least six various soup cans. “I don’t remember seeing these before . . .”

Martha waved a hand in the air. “They were there, probably in the back somewhere. And we have mozzarella cheese too.” She closed the pantry and walked to the refrigerator, pulling out a package of white cheese. Emily didn’t remember seeing that the day before either.

“I guess we can make it then.” Emily walked to the refrigerator and pulled out the chicken breasts she had bought. “I need to get this chicken started to boil.”

“Good. I found that in an Amish recipe book that I bought in town a long time ago.” Martha frowned. “Although, I must say, Emily . . . I’m surprised your people cook with canned soups.”

Emily pulled a pot from the cabinet, then placed it on top of the stove. “It’s not our first choice, but sometimes we do.” She turned to face Martha. “Why did you buy a cookbook if you don’t cook?”

“I thought I might try to cook someday.” Martha opened the refrigerator and reached for a soda, but she didn’t pop the tab when Emily scowled. “I’m not drinking milk for pleasure, and I’m thirsty.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to drink in your own tric burner. “But water is haus, Martha.” She put the chicken in water, then turned on the elecgut for you.”

“Fine, Emily.” She put the soda back in the refrigerator, then turned on the tap and filled a glass with water.

“Do you want to learn how to cook?” Emily wondered how someone her age didn’t cook.

“Why?”

Emily folded her arms across her chest. “Well, because. That’s what women do. We cook. And we all need to eat.”

Martha grinned as she eased into a kitchen chair. “That’s why I have you now.”

“But I won’t be able to come here forever. I reckon it would be gut for you to learn.” She started gathering up all the items to make the chicken lasagna. “How do you not know how to cook, someone your . . .”

“My age?” Martha cackled. “I don’t know, Emily. I certainly like food, though.”

Martha was about Emily’s height, but her midsection was considerably larger than Emily’s. She definitely likes food, Emily thought and smiled. Maybe a little too much.

Footsteps drew their attention to the den, then David walked in, his teeth chattering. “The light bulb is changed, and, Martha, you have enough wood chopped for at least a couple of weeks. What else?”

“This boy needs something hot to drink, Emily.” Martha pulled out the chair next to her. “Sit down, and Emily will make you some cocoa.” She paused. “And yes, Emily, I have packages of cocoa in the pantry.”

Emily smiled to herself. The cocoa wasn’t there two days ago.

David didn’t sit down but pushed his coat back and looped gloved thumbs beneath his suspenders. “I reckon I don’t feel right about sitting down on the job. You’re paying me to work, Martha.”

Martha raised one brow until it arched way up on her forehead. Emily had never seen anyone do that. “I’m paying you to do what I tell you.” Martha pulled the chair out farther. “Now, have some cocoa.”

David finally did as he was told, and Emily began heating some water on the stove for his cocoa. Once it was done, David sipped it, but he was restless, and Emily knew he felt uncomfortable. “You can chop up an onion if you want,” she said as she found a knife in one of the drawers.

“Sure. Okay.” He stood up and walked toward her. Emily put the onion on a plate nearby. “I couldn’t find a cutting board.” She handed him the knife.

“I’m going to freshen up before dinner.” Martha stood from the table. “I won’t be long.”

Emily started mixing the soups and other ingredients in a large bowl.

“This ain’t right.” David sliced into the onion. “This is women’s work, and I should be earning my fifty dollars.”

“Maybe she’ll have more for you to do next time.” Emily watched David butchering the onion. “What are you doing?”

“Chopping the onion.”

“Give me that.” She eased the knife from his hand. “Like this.”

David’s hand brushed across hers as he took the knife back, and it caused her heart to flutter a bit. And he was standing much too close to her. She went to the refrigerator and found the sour cream, another item that had mysteriously showed up. “I don’t remember a lot of this stuff being here when we were here,” she whispered. “I’m sure some of it wasn’t here.”

“Maybe we’re her Tuesday and Thursday shoppers and she has someone else the rest of the time.” David chuckled, but then sniffled.

“I doubt that.” Emily picked up her bowl and moved farther down the counter so she wasn’t so close to him. But she heard him sniffle again. “Are you crying?”

David wouldn’t look up, but he swiped at his eye with one hand. “No.”

“Rubbing your eyes with the hand you’re holding the onion with will only make it worse.” Emily bit her bottom lip as a smile threatened to form. David was rubbing one eye hard now, and Emily saw a tear roll down his cheek.

“Can’t you give me some other job? I reckon I ain’t too good at this one.” He looked up at her, eyes filled with tears. She laughed. “Is this funny?”

“David Stoltzfus, have you never cut an onion before? You’re supposed to breathe through your mouth and not wipe your eyes like that.” She laughed again, and although he couldn’t seem to control his tears, he laughed too.

“What is it with you two?” Martha walked back into the room. “Second time I’ve heard ya both laughing like this. What’s so funny?”

Emily laughed harder, and it felt good to be a part of this moment. “Look at him.” She pointed to David.

“Good grief. I’ve never seen a grown man spill that many tears.” Martha walked to the refrigerator and pulled out the jar of rhubarb jam, then put it on the table.

David walked away from the half-cut onion, but he couldn’t seem to get a grip on the tears. “I’m not cutting any more onions. This is real embarrassing.” He pinched his eyes closed, and Emily laughed again.

“Go run water over your eyes and flush out the onion oils.” Emily pointed to the sink, and David took her advice.

Emily finished preparing the lasagna and put it in the oven. While it cooked, they all sat around the kitchen table, and David told joke after joke until both Martha and Emily were the ones crying from laughing so hard.

“Here’s one more. It’s just short and sweet.” David leaned forward. “The bishop asked a group of kinner—” He glanced at Martha. “I mean kids—why is it important to be quiet during worship service?” He paused and grinned. “Little Betsy answered, ‘Because people are sleeping.’”

“That sounds exactly like something Betsy would say!” Emily laughed as she pictured her sister making a comment like that. “Back home there was a woman named Naomi, and she always fell asleep during worship service.”

She couldn’t remember having this much fun, at least not in a long time, and she couldn’t take her eyes from David. Charming. Handsome. A hard worker. And now she could add funny to the list.

He was everything she’d ever wanted in a husband.

And she couldn’t have him.

When the timer on the oven dinged, Emily excused herself and pulled out the lasagna. She put the lasagna, a salad, and some garlic bread that had mysteriously showed up on the table. Emily once again offered a prayer aloud, and Martha let out a boisterous “Amen.”

“This is really gut, Emily,” David said after he swallowed his first bite.

“Yeah. It is.” Martha sat up taller. “I told you she’d make a fine wife, David.”

Emily avoided David’s eyes as she felt her cheeks warm.

“Ya. She will make a fine wife.” David smiled. As he spoke, Emily’s eyes took on a life of their own and melded with his.

Maybe it was the sweet tone of his voice or his gentle smile, but Emily had never felt more regret than she did at this moment. I wouldn’t be good for you. She pulled her eyes away and took her first bite of the lasagna, surprised at how good it actually was. She’d never used processed foods like cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup, even though she knew some Amish women who did. Her mother didn’t, but maybe Mamm would warm up to the idea since the recipe did come from an Amish cookbook.

“I can’t wait to see what Emily comes up with tomorrow.” Martha shook her head. “Gonna be tough to top this.”

“Uh, Martha. We won’t be back until day after tomorrow.” Emily brushed a hair away from her face as she spoke.

Martha swallowed, then let out a heavy sigh. “Oh. That’s right.”

David shifted his weight in the chair and put his fork down. “Martha, I reckon it ain’t right to take money from you if you don’t have enough work for me to do. Like tonight, all I did was change a light bulb and chop a little wood.”

“Those jokes you told were worth a million.” Martha slapped her hand on the table, but David was shaking his head.

“No. I can’t take any money for tonight.”

Martha narrowed her brows at him. “Stop that talk. Of course you’ll take the money.” She paused, lifted her chin. “Now let’s enjoy our family time.”

And now Emily knew what this was all about.

Martha wanted a family.

KATIE ANN WAITED for Ivan to finish bathing and come out of the bathroom. Dressed in her white nightgown, she sat on the edge of their bed, the cell phone lying in her lap. Why does Ivan have a cell phone? She flipped the phone open, realized she had no idea how to use it, then quickly closed it when she heard the bathroom door open.

Ivan walked into their bedroom with a towel draped around his waist, his dark hair still damp. He stopped in the middle of the room when he saw the phone in Katie Ann’s lap. She put the phone in the palm of her hand and lifted it up. “Why do you have this?”

Her husband raked a hand through his wet hair, then sighed. “So we can call our family back home.”

Katie Ann bit her bottom lip and eyed him for a moment. “You know phones aren’t allowed, especially ones you carry in your pocket.”

Ivan dropped his towel and slipped into his night clothes, keeping his back to her. “Some bishops allow cell phones.”

“For business. Besides, why do you need a cell phone when there is a phone in the barn?”

Ivan turned to face her. “Katie Ann . . .” He let out another sigh. “I’ll get rid of the phone if it will make you happy.”

She stood up, walked toward him, and handed him the phone. “Ya. I would like for you to get rid of it. We don’t need a phone inside our home. It’s intrusive and not necessary.”

Ivan snatched the phone from her, then laid it down roughly on the nightstand. He crawled into bed and stayed far on his side as he pulled the covers to his neck.

“Does this make you angry, giving up the phone?” Katie Ann sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled a brush from her nightstand, and in the dim light of the lantern, ran the brush the length of her long hair and waited for Ivan to answer. When he didn’t, she turned around to face him. His back was to her. “Ivan?”

“Ya?”

“I just don’t see why we need a cell phone.” She crawled into bed as he rolled over to face her.

“I will get rid of the phone tomorrow.”

Katie Ann rolled the knob on the lantern until it extinguished. Tiny rays of moonlight shone through the window, and she turned on her side toward Ivan. His eyes were closed, and she stared at him for a few moments. “Danki. ”

She kept her eyes on Ivan, and twice he opened his eyes. The second time he said, “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Katie Ann reached over and touched his arm. She felt him twitch. Did he flinch? She eased her hand away. “I was just watching you fall asleep.”

“You should sleep too.” Ivan closed his eyes again, then rolled over to face the window.

Katie Ann tucked her hands between her face and the pillow. Sleep seemed far away, and she wondered how long Ivan had been toting a cell phone around. Where was he keeping it? This evening it had fallen from his pants pocket, but she’d picked up Ivan’s clothes plenty of times before and had never found a phone.

Ivan was snoring when the question popped into her mind.

Is Ivan using the phone to call Lucy Turner?

Ten

THE LAST FEW TIMES THEY’D BEEN TO MARTHA’S, SHE’D found things for David to do, but not much. He felt guilty for not doing more, but every time he pushed Martha for more chores, it seemed a bother to her. She’d mumble as she walked around the house until she found enough odd jobs to keep him busy for about an hour, then she’d insist they spend the rest of the night eating, listening to his jokes, telling stories, then going to the den to play a game.

Little by little, Emily had convinced Martha to let her clean the house—the den anyway—and David always made a gut fire in the fireplace. The whole thing was odd but strangely pleasant. The best part—his time with Emily. He was experiencing a dream he couldn’t have. Maybe that should have made him sad, but instead, he allowed himself to live in the moment each night, pretending that he could take care of Emily for the rest of her life, laugh with her, grow old with her.

As Martha cackled about winning a card game for the fourth straight time, Emily walked into the den carrying pieces of shoofly pie she’d made at home the night before. She would make an excellent wife. He knew he wasn’t the right man for her, but watching her, being around her, and getting to know her were the highlights of his week. He’d even helped in the kitchen, something unheard of in most Amish households, and he’d learned to chop an onion without crying like a baby.

“Here you go.” Emily smiled as she handed him a piece of pie. “I see Martha won again after I folded my hand.”

“Ya.” David wanted to spend some time alone with Emily, but Martha was always right in the middle of everything. He laughed to himself. Of course she’s in the middle of everything; we’re all at her house. They were all together because of her, and he had to admit, she was a funny woman. Set in her ways, but David knew she had a good heart. There had to be more that he could do to earn the money she was giving them. “Martha, I noticed that your living room needs painting. Why don’t you let me paint it for you?”

“No.”

“But—”

Martha held up a crooked finger. “You can clean Elvis’s cage next time, since you’re itching to do more.”

Emily giggled, and David glared at her for a moment, but it was impossible not to grin along with her.

“You got a problem with cleaning my Elvis’s cage, David?” Martha walked to the bird and reached her hand in the cage. “Did you hear that, Elvis? Our David doesn’t want to clean your cage. Precious boy.”

“No. It’s fine.” At least he wouldn’t feel as guilty about the money. Martha was paying them to be her part-time family, and that just wasn’t right. It was bothering him more and more. He finished his pie, then said, “Emily, we best be getting on the road.”

Emily stood up and reached for all of their empty plates. “Ya. You’re right.”

A few minutes later they said their good-byes. There was never any hugging or anything like that, and David was glad— ’course, he wouldn’t have minded hugging Emily.

As tired as he was, he wasn’t ready to say good night to Emily. “Do you want to go get a cup of kaffi somewhere?”

Her luminous eyes widened. “Where would we go this time of night?”

He’d been worried she wouldn’t want to go, but he was at least prepared this time if she said yes. “That small diner on the way to Monte Vista. It’s only about four miles.”

“I don’t know, David . . .” As she tapped her finger to her chin, he waited, hoping. “Maybe just a quick cup. Is there something you want to talk about? Martha or our arrangement?”

That wasn’t it, but if that would get him some extra time alone with her, he figured he better agree. “Ya. I’m feeling badly about her paying us to be her family.”

Even in the darkness, he could see her serious expression. “Me too. And that is just what she’s doing.” She turned slightly in her seat. “But I think it would sadden Martha to no end if we didn’t come see her twice a week. Maybe we should just refuse the money.”

David thought about the money he’d been tucking away to get back to Lancaster County. “Maybe. But I don’t think she’d hear of that.”

They rode quietly the rest of the way, with the clippety-clop of hooves, chattering teeth, and a full moon overhead.

The diner was empty, except for an elderly couple eating pie in a corner booth and a young mother with her baby seated near the entrance. The waitress led them to a booth opposite the older couple.

David watched Emily sip her coffee and thought about how far they’d come. “Do you still miss Ohio, or do you feel better about being here in Canaan?”

“I still miss it.” She ran her finger around the rim of her cup as she spoke. “But I guess it’s getting better.” Then she looked up at him and smiled in a way that plagued his heart with regret. I wish I could take care of you forever. “Ach, I was thinking .  ..” She paused, grinning. “When the weather clears, maybe you could till a garden for Martha, and I’ll plant vegetables for her, maybe get her involved and show her how wunderbaar it feels to tend the land.”

“Ya, that’s a gut idea. I’ll have to ready the fields with mei daed, but I’m sure I can find time to till Martha a small garden.”

“I plan to have a garden at home, and I have the dry goods store to tend, but I think it’s important that we help Martha have her own too.”

Emily’s face glowed as she detailed how big she would like the garden to be, how she wondered if she could grow watermelons like she did back home, and how maybe they could even build a picket fence around Martha’s garden. It was almost as if—as if they were talking about their own home. David thought about how they’d cooked together, played games together, taken care of Martha and her house together—all the time they’d spent together.

“And I’m going to get that living room of hers painted, one of these days.” David took a sip of his coffee and wondered briefly if the caffeine would keep him up tonight.

“With hard work, that house of hers could be so pretty, especially the outside. She has a big yard with flowerbeds that just haven’t been tended to. You’ll see when the snow clears what I’m talking about.”

“We’ll help her get it in shape.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, and David wondered how much of all this he could actually do. His plans didn’t include staying in Canaan.

For the first time since he’d arrived in Colorado, he wondered if maybe he could make a life here. But no sooner did he have the thought, than he was reminded that he wouldn’t be good for Emily. She deserved someone who would be around for a long time, someone to raise a family with.

When the waitress returned, they opted for two pieces of apple pie.

Eket, and the window protectors, she couldn’t stop shaking. She rubbed her gloved hands together beneath the heavy blanket.MILY WAS CERTAIN that she’d never been as cold as she was on this night. They’d barely gotten back on the main road, and her cheeks were numb. Even with the portable heater, the blan

“Emily . . .” David said in a shaky voice. “If you will scoot over here next to me and wrap that blanket around the both of us, we will be a little warmer. Maybe even hold that heater in front of us.” She could hear David’s teeth chattering. “Please,” he added.

Emily slowly moved toward him. She draped the blanket around both their shoulders. David pulled his arm free of the blanket and draped it across her shoulders, then pulled her close. He rubbed her arm, and she could feel him shivering.

“Put your arm back under the blanket so you’ll stay warm.”

“It’s okay. I’m just worried about you. I can’t believe we stayed as long as we did, and the temperatures sure have dropped.”

Emily snuggled close to him, welcoming the warmth. “I’m okay, David.” She tipped her head up, but the motion put her face entirely too close to his, so she quickly turned it away.

She tried not to focus on David’s tender touch as he rubbed her arm atop the blanket. She felt comforted, yet leery at the same time. He was so sweet, so safe. And that frightened her. Was she falling for him? What a disaster that would be. But for now, she was so cold, and he felt so good next to her.

“It’s starting to snow.” Emily leaned forward and gazed into the night as white flecks of powder pelted the windshield of the buggy. “Mamm is going to be frantic.”

“I’ll talk to her when we get there and tell her this is my fault.”

“No, no. You don’t have to do that.” Emily felt him pull her closer, and she felt warm inside, if not on the outside. “It’s not your fault, any more so than mine.”

She slowly rested her head against the crook of his arm and all her worries of the past began to fade . . . only to have new ones come into view.

DAVID COULDN’T DENY how good it felt to have Emily snuggle up next to him. He was glad that she now felt comfortable around him. They’d formed a bond over the past few weeks, and it was a welcome change from the frightened woman he’d first met. But he could tell by his growing feelings that he would need to put some distance between them. Emily had been hurt enough. Falling for her would only hurt them both in the long run.

“David?”

Her head shifted from against his chest, putting her face almost close enough that he could have easily leaned down and kissed her, and the sweet sound of her voice only made him want to do so even more. He took a deep breath. “Ya?”

“I’m glad . ..” She paused, and even in the moonlight he could see a twinkle in her big brown eyes. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

She smiled up at him, then lowered her face and once again nuzzled against him. He pulled her closer, knowing he shouldn’t, but as the warmth of her body comforted his, something about Emily Detweiler warmed his soul as well. She made him want to be a whole man, someone with a long life ahead of him.

VERA WHIPPED THE buggy into the Stoltzfuses’ driveway, against Elam’s wishes. “Vera, I’m sure everything is fine,” he’d said earlier. “And it’s too cold for you to be traveling.”

But she’d already called Martha from the phone in the barn. David and Emily had left over two hours ago, Martha had said, and Vera’s heart had begun to race. The last time Emily had been late coming home, it was dark outside, as it was now, and the unthinkable had happened. She tried to ignore her upset stomach as she tethered the horse and marched across the snow to the porch steps. She grabbed the wobbly railing and carefully pulled herself up to the front door.

Even though David seemed like a nice young man, Vera couldn’t shake her worry. They could have been in an accident.

She rapped hard on the wooden door, and as she stood in the cold, she noticed light coming from a window to her left. Only a few moments later, she heard footsteps.

“Vera!” Lillian swung the door wide. “Come in, come in. What are you doing out here in this weather?”

“I’m wondering why Emily isn’t home yet. David never brings her home from Martha’s this late, and I’m worried, and . . .” She shook her head as a knot formed in her throat.

“I’m sure Emily is fine. She’s with David. He won’t let anything happen to her.” Lillian smiled, but Vera didn’t reciprocate.

Vera glanced around the room and nodded at Samuel. “David should know not to have her out this late.” She tilted her chin up and continued to fight the lump in her throat.

Samuel stood up, and while his eyes were sharp and assessing, Vera just wanted her daughter home. “Vera, I’m sure that the kinner are fine. If there had been an accident, I reckon we would have heard. They’re young. Maybe they went for kaffi.” He reached his hand out to her. “Can I take your coat?”

Vera knew she was dripping snow on the floor, but she held her position. “Emily knows how I feel about her being late, and David should—” She stopped herself and took a deep breath when she saw a distinct hardening of Samuel’s eyes.

“Vera, let me get you something hot to drink.” Lillian stepped closer. “Goodness, your teeth are chattering.” She pulled Vera toward the fire. “Here, warm yourself. Not much in this old house works, but the fireplace is huge, and we’ve been enjoying a nice fire this evening.”

Vera moved toward the fire with Lillian, pulled her gloves off, and warmed her hands above the flames. “I’m sorry. I just worry. I shouldn’t have come.”

Lillian smiled. “You’re welcome here any time. And I really am sure that everything is fine. Those two spend a lot of time together. Maybe more than a friendship is forming, no?”

Images of that night over three months ago raced through Vera’s mind. She put her face in her hands. How well did she really know these people? Worry began to overtake her. “Maybe I should go look for them.”

Samuel stepped forward. “Vera, I don’t think that’s a gut idea. I’m sure they’re fine.”

She turned around to face Samuel. “You don’t know that. I don’t even know David, and . . .”

Samuel frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but Lillian spoke up.

“Vera, honey. I was just getting ready to go check on Elizabeth and Anna. Why don’t you take off your coat and bonnet and come with me?” Lillian gently touched Vera’s arm. “Please. We can talk upstairs.”

Vera drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Then she unbuttoned her coat and removed it along with her bonnet. Lillian draped the garments on the back of the couch. “I really should be going home, since I reckon David will drop Emily off before coming here. I don’t know why I came. I just . . .”

A tear rolled down Vera’s cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. Her emotions about what had happened to Emily were catching up to her, and it was embarrassing. She saw Lillian and Samuel exchange looks before Lillian coaxed Vera toward the stairs.

Vera watched as Lillian checked on both her girls, then motioned for Vera to follow her down the hall. They walked into what Vera presumed was Lillian and Samuel’s bedroom. A large bed was on the far wall, a dresser in the corner, and boxes were stacked everywhere. Light brown paint was peeling from the walls. It was a mess, and Vera silently reprimanded herself for not making more time to come help Lillian work on this house.

“Please don’t judge us by this house,” Lillian said as her eyes scanned the room. “Someday it will be beautiful.” She chuckled. “I hope.”

“I would never judge, Lillian.”

Lillian sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Vera took a seat beside her.

“Now, what’s going on?” Lillian leaned her head to one side. “It’s not that late, Vera, and you know David is a gut young man. He’ll get Emily home safely.”

Vera pushed back several strands of dark hair that had fallen forward. She sat taller. “I know.” She paused. “I shouldn’t have come. It’s just that I get so scared, and I don’t think Elam understands.” She turned to Lillian and grabbed her hand. “It’s a sin to worry, Lillian. I know this, and yet I’m consumed with worry when it comes to Emily. I try not to show it in front of her. But sometimes it just overtakes me, and her being late tonight just seems to have pushed my emotions right over the top. I’m so sorry for my rude behavior. Please apologize to Samuel for me.” She let go of Lillian’s hand and stood up, ready to leave, but Lillian grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her back down.

“Ach, no ya don’t.” Lillian raised her brows. “Our kids being home a little late is not what this is all about. Not completely anyway. What’s going on, Vera? Let me be a gut friend to you. You’re the only friend I have here. Let me help.”

Vera sniffled a bit. “No, really. I’m sure everything is fine.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m sure there is no problem.” She spoke the words with conviction, but a tear still rolled down her cheek. It was as if every emotion she’d felt since Emily’s attack was surfacing, and now she wasn’t sure how to keep from telling Lillian what ailed her so. If she were honest with herself, she’d realize she needed a friend, another female to talk to about what happened to Emily. She’d never spoken of the incident to family or friends in Middlefield, and she and Elam had offered a partial version of the truth about their relocation to Canaan—cheaper land prices, more room to expand for future generations, and a better environment for Levi’s asthma. And even though she and Elam had discussed what happened to Emily over the past few months, she’d never really allowed herself to show much emotion in front of her husband.

Emily had begged her family not to tell anyone what happened to her. Vera explained to her daughter repeatedly that she didn’t have anything to be ashamed of, but Vera also knew that folks can be cruel sometimes. She knew in her heart that most of the community in Middlefield would have showered them with love and comfort, but there would have been a few who would have shunned Emily in their own way, not wanting their own sons to pursue Emily as a wife. At the time, it seemed like moving away from Middlefield was the right thing to do—for all of them.

In Colorado, Levi still had to use his inhaler, but not nearly as often as he did in Middlefield, the land truly was less expensive, and Elam was able to establish a new business. She and Elam thought that a new place and new surroundings would help them all to heal, especially Emily. But there was no place far enough to run from the pain that still gripped them.

Vera buried her face in her hands and began to cry. When the tears turned to sobs, Vera couldn’t stop them.

“Vera, oh Vera. Please talk to me. What is the matter?”

Lillian’s voice was so tender, and as Lillian put her arm around her, Vera knew that she couldn’t stay silent any longer. She lifted her head and, in a most unladylike gesture, swiped at her tears and nose with the sleeve of her dress. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to control herself before she spoke.

“I know that everything is God’s will, Lillian. I’ve been taught that my entire life, but . . .” She looked into Lillian’s kind eyes. “Something—something happened to Emily before we left Middlefield, something horrible.” She shook her head as the images came racing forward again. Emily’s bloody forehead, the police, the ambulance, all the bright lights. Another tear rolled down her cheek. “Emily was— was . . .” Lillian dropped her arm from around Vera, then clasped both of Vera’s hands in hers.

“Vera, God will see us through anything, and—”

“Then where was God when Emily was raped? Where was He then, Lillian? Please tell me, so that I can forgive, so that I can heal, so that I can somehow help Emily.” She looked at her new friend and pleaded, “Tell me, Lillian! Where was God?”

Shame took over every inch of Vera’s being as she realized that she had voiced her most secret feelings, yelled them in fact, to a woman she barely knew. She lowered her head as new tears spilled onto her dark green dress. “Forgive me, Lillian.”

Lillian pulled Vera into a hug, then patted her on the back while Vera sobbed. “Oh, Vera. Oh, my dear Vera. Poor Emily. That is horrible, for sure. But it’s all right to feel like this, Vera. We’re human. Something tragic happened to your baby girl, and I think God understands these emotions at a time like this.”

Vera pulled away and wiped her eyes. “I love my God, Lillian. I love God.” She felt desperate to convey that to her friend after her verbal lashing.

“Of course you do.” Lillian shook her head. “And it’s hard to understand how something so terrible could be of His will, but, Vera . . .”

Vera sniffled and locked eyes with Lillian, whose eyes held a pensive shimmer. “Ya?”

“As you know, I wasn’t always Amish. And before I converted, I didn’t know God or have a personal relationship with Him during times of trouble, which often made things unbearable. But Emily has a strong faith, and that is what will see her through this, help her to heal.”

Vera nodded and wiped her face with the sleeve of her dress again.

“How long ago did this happen?”

“Right before we moved here, which would be about four months ago.”

They sat quietly for a moment.

“How is Emily? I mean, has she been able to move forward? Is she starting to heal?”

Vera sighed. “I don’t know, Lillian. Emily didn’t want us to talk to anyone about what happened to her, and looking back, I’m not sure if agreeing to Emily’s wishes was the right thing to do. But it was hard for all of us to face friends and other family members without saying anything to them. We weren’t exactly lying, but we certainly weren’t being truthful either.” Vera closed her eyes for a moment, sniffed, then looked back at Lillian. “I try to always be upbeat around her, never let my feelings show in front of her. I try to make things as normal as possible, and sometimes I do extra for her, more than for Jacob, Levi, or even Betsy. Even if it’s just to make her favorite foods, or give her a little extra spending money to go to market, little things like that. But she doesn’t seem to have an interest in much, and she’s . . .” Vera straightened and shifted on the bed. “She’s very ugly to me sometimes. And that’s all right, I reckon. She has a right to be mad at the world, I suppose. I do wonder if her faith is strong enough to see her through this.” Vera swallowed hard. “Because my faith has certainly slipped, at a time when I need it most.”

Lillian spoke more softly than before. “Maybe just realizing that, Vera, is a step in the right direction. I believe you and your family to be grounded in your faith, and we all slip. It doesn’t mean we aren’t gut Christians. Pray about it, Vera, and I will be praying daily for you and Emily both.”

“You know . . .” Vera thought about her recent conversations with Emily. “Emily seems angry with me about what happened. And, Lillian, I’ve gone over it in my mind a thousand times, how I could have prevented it from happening. She went for a walk while we weren’t home.” Vera shook her head as she recalled Emily’s statements the night of the rape. “I think she knows who her attacker is, but she won’t tell a soul, and that worries me too. But what kind of man does such a thing, Lillian?” Vera shuddered slightly. “And Emily turned away from all the young men her age after this happened, refused to be friends with any of them. Then when we moved here, she wouldn’t even work in the store by herself. She’s afraid, and I hate that.”

Lillian rubbed her back with one hand. “Emily doesn’t seem afraid of David. And I’m sure they are fine. But, Vera, I can see why you would fly into a tailspin and worry about her.”

“It’s not about David, Lillian. I just got scared. The last time Emily was late, after dark, she came home with blood on her head, crying, and . . .” Vera started to cry again. “Please forgive me if I made out like David might do some horrible act like that, because that’s not what I meant, and . . .”

Lillian continued to rub Vera’s back. “I know that, Vera. I know.”

“I’ve never talked to anyone about this, Lillian. Elam and I had been considering a move for a while—a place that would be better for Levi, and somewhere that would provide more opportunities for all of us. Then, after this happened to Emily, we knew it was time.” Vera took a deep breath before going on. “But I know that my faith has been affected . . . and I wonder how much Emily’s faith has been affected too.”

“Time and prayer heal. And I know you know that.” Lillian smiled. “Just a gentle reminder, my friend.”

Vera smiled. “one. Even my husband. I’m so glad it was with you, and not with Emily. I wouldn’t want her to ever see me like this. I try to be strong for her.”Danki, Lillian. For letting me release all this pent up emotion I’ve been carrying around, hiding from every

Lillian folded her hands in her lap and sighed. “Motherhood is the most rewarding job on the planet, but often the most challenging.”

Vera nodded as she considered whether or not this was the right time to question Lillian about their move from Lancaster County. Perhaps Lillian needed a friend to open up to. “Lillian, please forgive me if I’m being too nosey, but I get a strong sense that your family moved here for reasons other than you mentioned. I hope and pray that something bad didn’t happen to your family to drive you away from those you love, like us. And if you’d rather not say, I understand, and—”

“No, it’s all right.” Lillian cleared her throat, then seemed to force a smile. “We didn’t have a tragedy, nothing like what happened to your family. Our reasons for coming here are a bit embarrassing.”

Vera shook her head. “Oh, Lillian, please don’t tell me if it will make you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Actually, it would do me gut to talk about it.” Lillian pulled her eyes from Vera’s, tapped her feet against the wooden floor for a moment, then took a deep breath. “We were having terrible financial problems, and I didn’t know my husband had mortgaged our farm.” Lillian stirred uneasily on the bed next to Vera. “I should have known, though. I should have realized that the cost of David’s medications was—”

“Medication? Is David sick?” He didn’t look sick to Vera.

“Not anymore, but David had a kidney transplant five years ago, and the medication he has to take daily is very expensive.” Lillian let out a tiny gasp. “But, Vera, David doesn’t know about this. We didn’t lie to him, but we also didn’t tell him about the financial problems. We didn’t want him to have any kind of guilt. And Samuel and I know that David will be going off on his own someday. He’ll have to know what the medications cost, but we just didn’t want him to know that played a part in our falling behind on everything.” Lillian locked eyes with Vera and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she went on. “But honestly, Vera . . . I’m not sure we did the right thing either. We told a few family members about our financial troubles, but I’m not convinced that we shouldn’t have been more truthful with David.”

Vera sighed. “I can understand why you did what you did. You just wanted to protect David. It sounds like he’s been through a lot.” She shook her head. “As mothers, we try to protect our children, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to draw the line and let God take over.”

Lillian nodded. “By selling our farm and owning this house free and clear, we can save for the future and help David to have a edly. “Although, getting this place somewhat livable will take some of that savings.”gut financial foundation when he starts a family of his own.” She shrugged, then smiled. “Right or wrong, we’re here now, and all we can do is make the best of it and pray that we’ve made good decisions.” Then she chuckled lightheart

“Lillian, I am committed to help you get this place in order. And I know Elam will be too.”

“Danki, Vera. But don’t pity us. We’re more blessed than most. David’s uncle gave him a kidney, and he’ll go on to live a healthy, full life. And our girls are healthy, so that is the most important thing.”

Vera reached out and hugged Lillian. “Lillian, I’m so glad we talked.”

“Me too.”

“I guess I better get home and wait for Emily. And even though I probably shouldn’t have made the trip in this weather, we would have never had this chat if I hadn’t.”

“Everything that happens is His will.”

“Ya. It is.”

EMILY COULDN’T BELIEVE how safe she felt nestled under David’s arm, especially when she’d never thought she would feel safe again. Her head was filled with what-ifs. What if I allowed myself to really care for David? What if he cared for me? Instinctively, she reached up and touched the scar above her brow.

“You worry too much about that.”

She jerked her hand down. “What?”

His arm was still around her shoulder, but over the course of the cold ride home, he’d put it under the blanket, which remained draped around both of them. He gave her a squeeze, which sent a warm sensation throughout her shivering body.

“You touch that scar above your forehead a lot. I wouldn’t even notice it if you didn’t do that.”

“I don’t do that.” She knew she did. Every time a thought about what happened surfaced, her hand seemed to jump to the reminder above her brow.

As they neared a stop sign, David coaxed the horse to a stop and waited for a car to pass. A nearby streetlight dimly lit up the inside of the buggy. Emily tilted her face toward David. “Maybe I do touch it a lot. It reminds me . . .” She pulled her eyes from his and faced forward again, but David gently cupped her chin and turned her back to face him.

His blue eyes shone with tenderness as he pressed his lips above her brow, lingering on her scar long after all the cars had passed. Emily was speechless.

He slowly pulled his lips from her forehead and cupped her cheek in his hand and gazed into her eyes. “Maybe now you will think of me, of this moment, instead of something bad.”

Emily swallowed hard, certain he could see the lump in her throat. He leaned down and his lips were almost on hers when a car eased up to the stop sign, then honked, waiting for them to go.

David smiled. “Oops.” He put the horse into motion, and they crossed through the four-way stop. Once they were on the other side, Emily laid her head back in the crook of his arm. They rode quietly for a while down the back roads toward home. She leaned up to look at him, wondering if he might think about kissing her. But it was starting to snow hard, and he was focused on the road in front of him.

He pulled his arm from around her and used both hands to hold the reins. He leaned forward. “It’s getting hard to see.”

“At least we’re on the back roads and off the main highway.” Emily was disappointed that he was no longer holding her close, though she understood why.

After a few minutes, the snow let up a little and he eased back against the seat, but he didn’t put his arm back around her. They were passing by Martha’s house, which meant they were close to home. Emily didn’t want this time to end. She glanced to her left when she saw movement in Martha’s front yard.

Is Martha getting in her car?

Emily jerked when David pulled back hard on the reins and yelled, “Whoa!”

She leaned forward. “Oh no! What happened?”

A toppled buggy lay on the side of the road. As David pulled up to it, car headlights illuminated the inside of their buggy from behind. The car screeched as it came to a stop behind them.

David jumped out of the buggy, and Emily followed. Martha came running toward them, lifting her legs high in tall boots as she trudged through the snow.

“I saw it happen out my window!” Martha yelled. “That car sped by my house and ran that buggy right off the road. Looked like the animal got spooked, and the buggy went over!”

Martha caught up to Emily and David.

“Emily Detweiler, is that you?” Martha scowled as she glanced toward David. “What in the world are the two of you doing out in this weather? You should have been home hours ago.” Emily could see Martha glaring at her as the car headlights continued to light their way.

“We’re running a little late getting home.”

“I’ll say. Your momma is worried sick.”

“I thought your car didn’t run?” Emily picked up the pace but David was ahead of both women and made it to the buggy first.

“Uh, it’s fixed now,” Martha said as she huffed to keep up with Emily.

David crawled onto the side of the snow-covered buggy, pulled back the winter protectors, then leaned into the passenger window. “There’s a woman in here.”

“Is she okay?” Emily asked as she and Martha finally made it to the toppled buggy.

Emily heard David faintly say, “Oh no.”

“What? How bad is it?” Emily moved closer, until she was leaning against the buggy.

“I already called 9-1-1,” Martha said as she edged closer. “Help should be on the way.”

David shoved the upper half of his body down into the buggy, and his next words sucked the breath out of Emily.

“Vera, hang on. Help is on the way.”

Eleven

EMILY DIDN’T REMEMBER SCALING THE SIDE OF THE buggy, or pulling David by his coat until he made room for her to see inside. He told her at the hospital that he’d never seen a person move that fast before.

A visit to the emergency room, and Emily and her mother were home, accompanied by David and Martha. When they arrived, Emily filled in her father and brothers about what had happened. Thank goodness Betsy was in bed asleep. Emily could feel her father’s eyes blazing down on her, and she suspected he was angry with her for being late, which ultimately had caused her mother to travel in this weather.

“I told you there was no reason to go to the hospital.” Mamm frowned as she glanced around the room. “I was knocked around a bit, that’s all.” She glared at Martha. “There was no need to make such a fuss and call an ambulance.”

“That knot on your noggin was reason enough,” Martha said as she raised her chin. “Looked like a big ol’ golf ball on your forehead. It could have been a concussion, and it’s better safe than sorry.”

Vera waved off the comment. “A waste of community funds, I’d say.” She touched the knot on her head, and Emily did see her flinch briefly. “See, it’s almost gone anyway.” But Mamm wasted no time resuming her role as cheerful hostess. “Can I get anyone some coffee or cocoa?”

Just for once, Emily wished her mother would feel something, like a normal human being. Surely the accident had scared her.

“I’m leaving.” Martha, still dressed in a heavy gray coat with a purple scarf around her neck, moved from the fireplace.

“Thank you for everything, Martha.” Mamm smiled warmly at Martha, who just shrugged.

There was a knock at the door. Jacob was closest, and he pulled the door open. “Can I help you, sir?”

“I’m Arnold Becker. Is your father at home?”

Emily’s father moved toward the door. He eased Jacob out of the way.

“Arnold, come in. What brings you out in this weather?”

Emily glanced at the clock on the mantel. Nearly eleven o’clock.

“Just checking on you folks.” The gray-headed man walked into the den dressed in a long black coat with a black felt hat. If he’d had the traditional beard, Emily could have easily mistaken him for an Amish man. “I was on my way home, and I saw the lights on. The fella at the gas station said there was a buggy accident and that he thought it was one of the Detweilers.”

“It was my wife, but she’s doing fine.” Daed shook Mr. Becker’s hand, then glanced around at everyone else. “You’ve heard me mention Arnold before, how he is going to head up the schoolhouse project. We met recently at the hardware store in Monte Vista. He overheard some of us talking about the construction, some of the things we weren’t quite sure of, and he offered to help us.” Her father introduced Arnold to everyone, then turned back to him. “It’s nice of you to stop by and check on us.”

The elderly man had kind gray eyes, and a gentle smile tipped at the corner of his mouth when Emily’s father thanked him.

“As long as I’m here, Elam, I want to share some good news. I have all the permits for the new schoolhouse. As soon as the weather clears, we can get started.” Mr. Becker pushed back the rim of his hat. “Might be a couple of months, though.”

“We will all be ready when the time comes.” Emily’s father smiled as he pointed to David. “David and his father have offered to help too.”

“Ya,” David said.

“David, have you been in contact with Lillian and your father?” Emily’s mother walked into the room after excusing herself earlier, and she was carting a tray filled with cups of hot cocoa.

“Ya,” David said as he reached for one of the cups. “While you were in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, Martha followed me to mei haus so I could put Buster, my horse, in the barn. I ran in and told Lillian what happened. She wanted to ride with us to the hospital, but I told her I thought you were going to be all right. They know where I am.” He turned to Martha. “So I guess I’m leaving now, too, with Martha. She said she’d drop me at home.” David paused with a grin. “Now that her car works.” He took another sip of his cocoa, then set it on the table.

“I’m not leaving yet,” Martha announced as she walked over to the tray of cups and helped herself to one. She carried it over to where Mr. Becker was standing and smiled at the elderly man . . . Did she just bat her eyes at him? Emily held back a grin.

As usual, Levi didn’t say much, and he excused himself and went upstairs. Mamm commented about the weather; then Jacob reminded everyone about his upcoming nuptials in two weeks.

“David, you and your family will attend, no?” David nodded. “And Mr. Becker, I hope you and your family can attend as well.” Emily knew her mother had already invited Martha, although they’d all assumed she wouldn’t be there.

Martha’s eyes widened as she waited for Mr. Becker to answer.

“I’d be honored to attend, Jacob. But it’s just me. I don’t have any family.”

Martha grinned up at him, and Emily covered her mouth with her hand. She’d gotten to know Martha over the past few weeks, but this Martha was new. Emily found it amusing, and she glanced at David to see if he did too. A smile hovered at the corner of his mouth. Instantly, she thought about the way he’d tenderly kissed her forehead and how he’d almost kissed her on the lips.

“The wedding is right before Christmas.” Mamm smiled as she addressed the group. “It was the only weekend that worked for everyone during December.” She turned to Mr. Becker. “In Ohio, Mr. Becker, we have weddings in November or December, after the fall harvest.” Mamm shrugged. “So we’re keeping things traditional.”

“Vera, don’t you think you should go on up to bed? I don’t like the looks of that knot on your head, and I know that topple must have left you sore.” Emily’s father cut his eyes at Emily, then looked back at her mother. “You shouldn’t have been out in this weather, and I told you that.”

“Elam, I’m fine. And I’m enjoying visiting.” Mamm took a sip of her cocoa, then she glanced around the room. “Now, who needs more cocoa?”

Mr. Becker placed his cup on the tray. “I’m going to head on home. It’s late, and I know it’s been a rough night for you all. I just wanted to make sure everyone was all right, and I must admit that I was excited to tell Elam that we got all the permits for the new schoolhouse for the children.”

“We will build a fine school,” Emily’s father said as he extended his hand to Mr. Becker. “Thank you for stopping by.”

Mr. Becker tipped his hat as he glanced around the room. “A pleasure meeting all of you.”

Martha scowled, but quickly shifted her expression when Mr. Becker’s eyes met with hers. “Lovely to meet you too, Mr. Becker.” She extended her hand to him.

“Just call me Arnold.”

“All right . . . Arnold.” Martha flashed a full smile at him.

Mr. Becker was barely out the door when Martha’s expression turned gruff. She looked at David and barked, “Let’s go.”

David jumped up from where he was sitting on the couch next to Jacob. He put his cup on the tray in front of him. “Okay.”

“Say good-bye to your girlfriend, and meet me out front.” Emily’s heart thudded in her chest as Martha turned to Emily’s mother. “Glad you’re okay.” Emily couldn’t bring herself to look at anyone for a moment, then she lifted her eyes to meet David’s. He was grinning, and she couldn’t help but smile back at him.

Emily risked a glance in her mother’s direction and saw her sporting a cool smile. The last thing Emily needed was for Mamm to think that she and David were courting. Mamm would never ease up about it now.

“Danki for the cocoa, Vera,” David said. He was still dressed in his long black coat, so he grabbed his hat and headed toward the door. “Bye everyone.”

Mamm walked him to the door. “See you soon, David,”

After her mother closed the door, she turned to Emily. “Girlfriend?”

“That’s not the case, Mamm. I don’t know why Martha said that.” She gave a shrug. “I’m going to bed.” She quickly kissed her mother on the cheek and ran up the stairs before her mother had a chance to question her further.

TWO DAYS LATER Martha fired Emily and David. She handed them each a hundred dollars when they showed up at her house, said she didn’t need their help anymore, and didn’t even invite them in. But a strange car was in the driveway, so Emily and David just smiled at each other, then went and had coffee and pie at the diner.

But it had been over two weeks since Emily had last seen David. One of those weeks, a blizzard kept everyone hunkered down inside. They didn’t even have their scheduled worship service, which was to be held at the Huyards’ down the road, because no one could get out. Emily and her family had worshiped privately in their home, as she assumed David’s family and the other families in their small district had done.

She’d worked a bit at their country store, and from Jacob she’d learned that David had started a job at a furniture store in Monte Vista. But, if she was honest with herself, much of her time was spent daydreaming about David. His gentle lips on her forehead played through her mind over and over again. Maybe he did care for her. But every time she allowed herself to think like that, she was reminded that she wasn’t a worthy bride. Despite that belief, in her heart she knew she was smitten with David, and she couldn’t wait to see him today.

Today was Jacob and Beth Ann’s wedding, and the sun was shining, with no snow in the forecast for at least a few days. Everyone in the Detweiler household had been up early, preparing for the event. By mutual agreement, the two families had decided the wedding would take place at the Detweilers’ instead of at Beth Ann’s home. The blizzard had caused a pipe to burst in the King household, and Beth Ann’s father didn’t think he could get the house ready in time. Mamm to the rescue.

Emily was looking forward to giving Jacob and Beth Ann the wringer washing machine she’d been able to purchase for them with the money she’d earned from Martha. It was a bit extravagant, but Emily felt badly about the way she’d avoided her future sister-in-law because she didn’t want to hear about their wedding plans.

“Mamm, Jacob needs you upstairs!” Betsy yelled as she pounced down the stairs in her normal fashion.

“Betsy, what have I told you about that yelling?” Mamm closed the oven door. “Emily, please check on the turkey roast in fifteen minutes if I’m not back.” She shook her head. “I think your bruder is actually nervous about his wedding day. And that’s all he’s talked about for months.”

Emily still couldn’t believe that Jacob was getting married. He’d met Beth Ann right after they moved here, and they were dating within a week. Their whirlwind courtship was a surprise to everyone, but Jacob said he didn’t want to wait. He was ready to start his life with Beth Ann, and she had readily accepted his proposal. Jacob had been saving his money for as long as Emily could remember, and with the money he’d saved and some help from their parents, he’d purchased a small farmhouse with fifteen acres about five miles down the road.

Levi walked in from outside, carrying two more chairs that had been stored in the barn for when they held worship service at their house. ily, the Stoltzfuses, Martha, Mr. Becker, and a few others, it would be a houseful. Emily wished their extended family from Middlefield would be coming, but the weather conditions kept them away. Even though they could have taken a bus, then hired a driver, it was a long way, and the weather was too unpredictable this time of year.Mamm said about sixty folks would be attending the wedding. All of Beth Ann’s family lived here in Canaan, and when you combined them with Emily’s fam

“Aren’t you gonna help?” Levi slid past her, cutting his eyes at her.

“I am helping. I’m keeping an eye on the turkey roast.” She dipped a spoon into a bowl of cabbage casserole, blew on it, and took a bite.

“I’m tellin’.” Betsy skipped into the kitchen. Then she giggled. “Unless you give me a bite.”

Emily smiled. “Okay, but just one.” She got a clean spoon and scooped up a bite for Betsy.

“Anna and Elizabeth will be here today.”

“Ya, I know. You haven’t seen your friends in a while because of the weather. Are you excited to see them?” Emily leaned against the kitchen counter and faced Betsy, who wore a new emerald green dress Emily had made for her the week before.

“Ya.” Betsy tapped her finger to her chin. “I hope they studied the Bible lesson that I gave them last time they were here.”

Emily shook her head, but smiled. “Betsy, I don’t think today is the day to quiz them about Bible study. Just try to have fun.”

Cold air from outside rushed in as their father came into the kitchen, carrying more chairs. “This is the last of them.” He walked past them and into the den where he placed the chairs in a row behind the others. “There’s a line of buggies coming up the drive. Probably Beth Ann’s family.”

Emily walked to the window and rolled up the green shade. She counted nine buggies, all black, except for two gray ones. David and his family, she presumed, since Beth Ann’s family was also originally from Ohio. She quickly tucked loose strands of hair underneath her kapp, then wiped her hands on her apron.

Emily walked into the den and waited inside the door while the guests tethered their horses and slowly made their way up the steps that Levi had cleared of snow earlier. When she opened the door, Beth Ann’s parents entered, followed by Beth Ann’s three sisters, two of whom were married. Her oldest sister, Moriah, held her baby daughter.

“Come in. Let me take your coats.” She peered around Beth Ann to try to see David, but the two gray buggies were still making their way up the driveway. Bishop Esh came in behind Beth Ann’s family. Emily’s family had only met the bishop once since their arrival, when he stopped by to welcome them to the community. Because of bad weather, they hadn’t yet attended a regular worship service.

“Guder mariye, Bishop Esh.”

“Guder mariye, Emily.” The bishop moved into the room to speak to the others. Emily stayed by the door, greeting the rest of Beth Ann’s extended family. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw David leading his family up the walkway, toting Elizabeth on his hip.

“Hello.” She smiled at David, already plotting how she could spend some time alone with him today, something she wouldn’t have even considered a few weeks ago.

“Hi, Emily.” David set Elizabeth down on the floor. “She can hardly wait to see Betsy.”

Elizabeth tugged on Emily’s dress.

“Ya, sweetheart, what is it?” Emily leaned down in front of little Elizabeth.

“I know all the answers to the Bible study questions that Betsy gave us.”

Elizabeth was so proud that Emily didn’t have the heart to say anything except, “I’m sure that will make Betsy very happy.” Then Emily jumped. “Oh no! I promised Mamm I’d check the turkey roast. Talk to you later.”

DAVID COULD HARDLY take his eyes off Emily, and as she headed to the kitchen, he thought about how much she’d changed since he first met her over a month ago. He’d thought about her constantly since the last time he saw her, which filled him with anticipation and worry, all rolled into one big desire to do right by her. He could tell when they were together the last time that Emily was starting to care for him. The way she nuzzled against him during the ride, the way her eyes twinkled when she spoke to him—all things that would have pleased him a lot under different circumstances. He just hoped he had the self-discipline not to encourage anything more than friendship. Kissing her forehead and almost kissing her on the lips had been a mistake. Now he constantly thought about how much he wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her, tell her that he was drawn to her in a way that scared him.

He’d prayed constantly, asked God to give him the strength to walk away from her before they both got hurt. David knew he would be going back to Lancaster County to live out the rest of his life, however long that might be. He recalled again how he overheard his father and Lillian talking after his kidney transplant. Lillian had been crying when she’d said, “But if his kidney only lasts five to ten years, he’ll only be twenty or twenty-five.” He took a deep breath and prayed for strength.

After Emily scurried off, David walked around the room, saying hello to everyone, introducing himself to most of them. He turned his attention toward the door and wasn’t surprised to see Mr. Becker walk in—with Martha on his arm.

He hadn’t seen Mr. Becker since the night of Vera’s accident, but he’d figured it was his car in front of Martha’s house until about eight o’clock a couple of evenings a week. David was happy for Martha. On the outside, a cranky old woman, but inside, she just wanted to love and be loved. He could certainly understand that, and neither he nor Emily were upset about Martha abruptly firing them. He’d felt guilty for taking Martha’s money anyway. Now, with his new job at the furniture store, he could continue saving money to get back to Lancaster County.

“Hello, Mr. Becker.” David shook Mr. Becker’s hand, then turned to Martha. “Hello, Martha.”

She nodded, still holding Mr. Becker’s elbow. “Hello, David.”

David heard Martha whisper to Mr. Becker, asking if he’d ever been to one of these Amish weddings. David heard her gasp when Mr. Becker told her that he had, and that the ceremony lasts about three hours. He watched them go find a seat and didn’t notice Levi walk up to him until it was too late.

“You and Emily don’t work together anymore. I reckon there’s no reason for you to spend time with her.” Levi’s stern tone made David look up.

David started to tell Levi that what he did with his time wasn’t any of Levi’s business, but instead, he stated the truth. “I haven’t seen Emily in two weeks.” Knowing he should leave it at that, he still added, “But I’m hoping to spend some time with her today.”

Levi leaned forward, his brows pressed so tightly together that a knot had formed between his eyes. “Stay away from Emily.”

David could understand that Emily’s brother might be protective of her, but this response was so aggressive that it went against their Amish ways. Levi walked away before David could defend his intentions—intentions he wasn’t even sure of.

Bishop Esh took his place in the middle of the room, so everyone followed his lead and took their seats.

FOLLOWING THE CEREMONY, Katie Ann wanted so badly to latch onto Ivan’s hand, squeeze it, and whisper in his ear— ask him if he remembered their special day almost twenty years ago. Public affection was frowned upon, though, so she sat quiet and still, watching Jacob and Beth Ann at the wedding table, being served their meal first, as was customary. She swallowed hard, fighting the lump in her throat. Such a blessed day, a new beginning for Jacob and Beth Ann.

But worry about her own marriage almost overwhelmed her. It seemed to be deteriorating more and more every day. After her unsuccessful attempt at intimacy with Ivan, they both seemed to be going through the motions, in an awkward way, but Katie Ann had just enough pride not to set herself up for another rejection. She hadn’t seen the cell phone anymore, nor had she approached Ivan about it. Part of her was afraid he would lie about it.

She knew she would need to go back in the kitchen to help soon, but she wanted to sit with Ivan just a moment longer. She discreetly looked at him from the corner of one eye. It broke her heart to see such sadness in his expression, and she couldn’t help but fear that they would never find their way back to each other. But she prayed constantly, and she wasn’t about to give up. Somehow she was going to heal this marriage. Ivan was all she had.

Right away she realized that her thought was not in line with what marriage was all about. She should want to be with Ivan because she loved him, because he was her husband—not because he was all she had. Even though it was true.

She’d never made much attempt to develop relationships with Ivan’s family, even though they’d always been close by. Without her own family near, Ivan’s sisters—Mary Ellen and Rebecca, along with her sister-in-law, Lillian—had tried to create a closer friendship with her when they lived in Lancaster County, and Lillian was still trying while they were living in this foreign place. Katie Ann knew that the sin of jealousy had often kept her distant from them. They all had children, a family to care for. All she’d ever had to care for was Ivan, and now he was as distant as Lancaster County was, and he didn’t seem to need, or want, her at all. Sadness crept over Katie Ann as she watched the way Jacob and Beth Ann gazed into each other’s eyes.

She silently prayed for God to mend her marriage, to help Ivan see that while she was once in a faraway place, depressed and childless, she had grown to accept her fate, and wanted to be close to him again. Despite what was acceptable, she reached for his hand and squeezed.

Ivan returned Katie Ann’s gesture of affection, then turned to her, the hint of a smile on his face. What are you thinking, Ivan?

EMILY DROPPED ONE of her mother’s best platters while she was helping the other women clean the kitchen. “Sorry, Mamm,” she said as she scooped the larger pieces up with her hand.

“You’re in such a hurry, Emily.” Mamm threw her hands on her hips and frowned, but then her lips turned upward. “Are you rushing around like this so you can go spend some time with David?”

“No!” Emily walked to the pantry and pulled out a broom and dustpan, scanning the room as she did, to see who else might have heard her mother’s comment. Lillian must have. Even though Lillian kept her head down, Emily saw her grin. She wondered if David had said anything to her.

Emily squatted and swept the small pieces of glass into the dustpan, hoping her mother would let it go. She saw David ease his way through the kitchen, nodding with his head for her to follow him outside.

“Do you need any more help?” Emily faced her mother, bit her lip, and knew her mother had seen David’s nod.

Mamm arched one brow as she grinned. “No, you go ahead, Emily.”

Emily put on her heavy black coat and gloves, then tied her bonnet atop her prayer covering. She walked out the door and saw David heading toward the barn. She was unsure if he was joining some of the other men in there or expecting her to follow. She pulled her galoshes over her black tennis shoes and decided to take a chance.

When she reached the barn, she peeked in the door. He was alone, leaning against a workbench.

David just stared at her, so much so that she pulled her eyes from his and looked down at the ground. When she looked back up, he was still looking at her. “What? What are you looking at me like that for?”

He gave a quick shake of his head.“I—I don’t know. Nothing.”

She moved closer to him. “Are you sure?”

David pushed his coat to the side, then looped his thumbs underneath his suspenders. “Aw, you wouldn’t be interested anyway.” He shrugged, but with a grin.

“Stop playing with me, David Stoltzfus.” Emily playfully stomped her foot. “Tell me.”

“Or what?” He leaned back farther against the bench and crossed his ankles.

Emily moved even closer to him. “Or I will—I will . . . Oh, I don’t know!” She slapped her hands to her side about the same time that David stood straight up, leaned forward, and pulled her to him. It caught her off guard, but the feel of his arms gently around her caused her to feel weak in the knees. She laid her head against his chest, unsure what else to do but enjoy the moment.

David eased her away, then cupped her chin in his hand. Ben Byler had kissed her on the cheek one time after a singing, but nothing like she suspected was on David’s mind. He leaned down, and when his lips met hers, Emily was sure she’d floated a foot off the ground. But it didn’t last. He pulled back, clutched her arms, then eased her back.

“Emily, I’m so sorry.”

Sorry, why? She looked down at the ground. It wasn’t a long enough kiss for her to be actually bad at it. She wasn’t sure exactly what happened, but she was embarrassed.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He paused and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s just that it’s all I’ve been thinking about since the last time I saw you.”

“Me too,” she said sheepishly as she looked up and locked eyes with him.

“Really?” David smiled for a split second before his expression soured. “Well, it won’t be happening again. I’m sorry. I know we both agreed just to be friends, and I was out of line.”

Did you not hear me? She bit her bottom lip, unsure how to mask her disappointment. Her heart ached. She’d finally learned to trust a man after everything that had happened with James. She seldom thought about her attack these days, and she didn’t flinch when David touched her. Now he wants to tell her it will never happen again?

I guess it’s for the best. Maybe she didn’t think about her attack as much, but it had still happened. And the results were still the same. She was ruined for marriage, and the realization hurt worse than ever before. She felt cheated. A glimpse of what it felt like to be held by a man she trusted, that she cared for . . . only to have him pull back.

Maybe it’s a good thing he has the strength to do that, because Emily knew she didn’t. But why? Why did he kiss her if he only wants to be friends? And while Emily had her own reasons for not wanting to be courted, what were his? What was so wrong with her that David wouldn’t even consider it? Besides the obvious—but as far as she knew, he didn’t know anything about what had happened. Her mind was filled with questions as she tried to get him to make eye contact. Finally, he did.

“I—I thought the kiss was fine.” She lowered her eyes, then looked back up at him, wondering still if she kissed poorly.

David unhooked his thumbs from his suspenders, pulled his hat from his head, then raked his hand through his dark, wavy hair. “Emily, I just can’t be anything more than friends with you.” His tone was firm, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Emily swallowed hard. “We are friends.”

David took a deep breath. “Ya. And I shouldn’t have kissed you, since we can’t ever be more than that. I could never court you.” He stopped when he saw her eyes clouding with tears. “You’re taking this the wrong way.” He stepped forward, but she took two steps back.

“No, I’m not.” She blinked back tears. “Friends. We’re friends.”

David stepped toward her and reached for her arms. She jerked away, but he stepped forward and latched onto her forearms. “We are friends, Emily. And I want to stay friends with you. But I can hardly be around you without wanting to kiss you.”

She stopped and held her breath, waiting for him to go on.

“Can’t you see that? I want to kiss you so bad right now, I can hardly stand it. But we can’t be anything more than friends, and I’m not gonna lead you on and hurt you like that. I can’t spend any more time alone with you.”

He spun around and headed out of the barn. Emily stared after him, her mouth hanging open.

KATIE ANN WAS sure that Beth Ann and Jacob’s wedding was the reason Ivan had reached out to her the night before. Following their intimacy, she’d dared to hope that everything would be all right. What happened between last night and this morning?

Now, barely daylight, she blocked the front door in an effort to keep Ivan from leaving. She couldn’t stop the trail of tears pouring down her face, even when she thought she couldn’t cry anymore. Disgrace, shame, and failure surged through her heart. Even though Ivan refused to admit it, Katie Ann knew that Lucy had something to do with this, and her heart was filled with anger toward this Englisch woman she barely knew.

“Ivan, please . . .” she tried one last time. “What about last night? I don’t understand!” Katie Ann tried to make sense of what was unfolding before her.

Ivan buttoned his coat, put on his best black hat, then picked up his packed red suitcase, the one that was under the bed when they’d moved in. “I’m sorry, Katie Ann.”

“That’s all? I’m sorry.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. “Please, Ivan . . .” She was begging, and more shame engulfed her.

“I’m sorry, Katie Ann. There is enough money in the bank to get you by for several months until you figure out what you would like to do, and of course . . . the house and property are paid for.” His eyes filled with tears. “You can have everything, but I have to go.”

“But I want you, Ivan.”

Her husband hung his head for a moment, then turned and left.

When the door closed behind him, she dropped to her knees. “Why, Lord? What have I done that is so terrible that I must endure such pain? I can’t have any children to love, and now I have no husband. Why, Lord? How can this be Your will for me?” She rolled onto her side in a fetal position and pulled her knees to her chest as loneliness and despair overtook her. “Please, God . . .”

She stayed in that position for a very long time, thankful that God was the only one who could see her in such a pitiful state. “I’m sorry, Lord,” she said softly. “Sorry that I don’t have more faith.”

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Katie Ann stopped crying for a moment, slowly rose until she was sitting up, and brushed a tear from her cheek. Jeremiah 29:11. She placed one hand on her heart and took a deep breath as she speculated about why that particular Bible verse came to mind at that very moment. To give you an expected end.

Nothing in her life was going as she expected. It was falling apart. She pulled herself up, then brushed the wrinkles from her dark blue dress and walked to the window. Ivan’s taxi had rounded the corner long ago. He was gone. Her husband of twenty years had walked out on their marriage, given up. And Katie Ann could never remarry. That’s how it was, according to the Ordnung, and Katie Ann tried to mentally prepare herself for a life even lonelier than she could have imagined possible.

She watched the sun set, leaving a misty glow atop the packed snow.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you . . . an expected end.

The scripture kept echoing in Katie Ann’s mind, and she sighed, knowing that the Lord wanted only the best for her. But how can this be the best? I wish I knew what thoughts You think toward me, what plans You have for me.

She knew that God only had thoughts of peace for her, but she couldn’t even begin to think how she would ever feel peace when such loneliness threatened to suffocate her to death. As she stood at the window watching an orange glow peek above the mountains, she realized . . . she’d been lonely for a very long time.

Katie Ann sat there for a few minutes until she understood that she knew her expected end. To be with the Lord in heaven for all eternity. How she gets there is in God’s hands, in His time, even if it isn’t the path she’s chosen for herself. But knowing it to be true was one thing; accepting it right now, on this day, at this moment was almost impossible. She could still breathe in Ivan’s freshly bathed scent, the homemade soap he’d bathed with for all the years they’d been together.

“Help me, Lord, to trust Your plan for me. Give me strength.” She buried her face in her hands again after saying the words aloud, knowing it was going to be a long night as she slept in her bed alone for the first time in twenty years.

Twelve

TIME DRAGGED BY AFTER JACOB AND BETH ANN’S wedding. A couple of good weather days preceded an onslaught of heavy snow that kept folks indoors for several days, and once again they’d missed community worship. But today was a much better day, with no snow in the forecast.

Emily clasped the thick brown blanket tightly around her, holding both ends close to her chest with one hand and the reins with the other. She hadn’t seen Martha since the wedding, and Mamm said that since it was Christmas Eve, Emily needed to take Martha a hearty supply of rhubarb jam and invite her and Mr. Becker to their family’s Second Christmas.

She hadn’t seen David or any of his family since the wedding either, but her mother said they would be coming for Second Christmas. All of them, that is, except Ivan. Emily had been shocked to hear that Katie Ann’s husband had left her. She’d enjoyed meeting David’s aunt and uncle at the wedding, but even though she didn’t know the couple, she sensed a problem between them. Still, she would have never guessed that it was a problem large enough for Ivan to leave his wife. That just didn’t happen among the Amish.

Emily’s thoughts turned to David, as they always did, but she scowled as she remembered his last words to her. She liked it better when she could focus on the kiss they’d shared, but that sweet moment was now followed by bitterness. Thankfully, Emily kept busy at the dry goods store. She felt more comfortable tending the store by herself these days, which freed Jacob up to get his own home in order, though he still spent five or six hours at the store each day. But when it came time for Jacob to ready his fields for planting, the plan was for Beth Ann to start working at the store. Daed said this first year would be a learning experience as they planted crops that could endure colder temperatures for much longer than in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Emily had heard Samuel Stoltzfus agree with her father at Jacob’s wedding that it was going to be a learning year for all of them.

Emily parked the buggy in front of Martha’s house and noticed right away that things looked different. For starters, the snow was cleared from the walkway, and she didn’t remember seeing the small sign on a stick that said WELCOME FRIENDS before either. She smiled as she recalled Martha meeting Mr. Becker and then accompanying him to Jacob and Beth Ann’s wedding.

She knocked on the door and waited, holding a gift bag with a Christmas tree on the front and six jars of rhubarb jam inside. Emily wasn’t sure why her mother had purchased decorative bags with Christmas trees on the front, since putting up a tree was not Amish tradition, but Mamm couldn’t resist a sale at the store. Once, she’d purchased Levi a pair of boxer briefs because they were half price—boxer briefs with red hearts all over them. “No one will see them,” Mamm had said with a shrug. Emily couldn’t recall ever seeing the boxers in the wash basket.

Mamm had grilled her repeatedly about David, to the point that Emily had yelled at her just yesterday. If Daed had heard . . . She grimaced when she thought about what her father’s reaction would have been. Emily knew better than to be so disrespectful.

Emily heard the doorknob turn. When the door opened, Emily was speechless for a moment. This didn’t look like the Martha she knew. Her hair was pulled up into a neat twist instead of heaped atop her head in a matted mess of curls loosely secured with a butterfly clip. The bright red lipstick she usually wore was gone. She was hardly wearing much makeup at all, and her red knee-length dress was lovely and conservative.

“Cat got your tongue?” Martha thrust her hands on both hips.

Emily smiled. Definitely Martha.

“Merry Christmas, Martha.”

“I hope that’s rhubarb jelly in that bag.” Martha’s eyes lit up as she pushed the door open and motioned Emily in.

“Ya, it is.” She handed the bag to Martha. “Mmm. Smells like cookies in here.” Emily glanced around Martha’s den and saw festive Christmas decorations throughout, including a lighted tree in the corner. Everything was clean, and Martha had a cozy fire going.

“Hello, Elvis.” Emily walked to the cage.

“Hello,” the bird replied. “Merry Christmas.”

Emily laughed out loud. “You too, Elvis.”

Martha walked to Elvis’s cage. “I taught him that just this morning,” Martha said proudly as she reached in to pet the bird. Then Martha leaned down and put her lips on the bird’s snout just inside the rails of the cage. “You are so smart, Elvis. Do you know how much I love you?”

“I love you, Martha,” the bird said back. Emily watched Martha’s eyes haze over, but she quickly blinked back any tears.

Martha stood up straight, patted the cage, and the hint of a smile crossed her face. “I’ve had that bird for nineteen years.”

“What? You never told us that.” Emily’s jaw dropped. “That’s amazing!”

Martha smiled proudly. “Yep. Elvis is amazing. Bet ya didn’t know that he’ll outlive me. Parrots live eighty to a hundred years if they are properly cared for.” She leaned down to Elvis again and stroked his nose. “And my Elvis is very well taken care of.”

Emily turned toward Martha’s Christmas tree, which was covered with varying sizes of red and gold balls, and saw a few presents underneath.

“Mostly for Elvis,” Martha said when she saw Emily eyeing the gifts. Then she walked toward the tree and retrieved a shoe-sized box wrapped in blue paper with snowmen. “This is for you folks.”

Emily raised a brow. “Thank you, Martha.” Then she snapped her finger. “Ach, I almost forgot. Mamm wanted me to invite you for Second Christmas on Wednesday.”

“Huh?” Martha twisted her mouth from side to side. “How many Christmases do you people have?”

Emily giggled. “We celebrate Christmas with our immediate family on Christmas Day, but Second Christmas, the day after, we visit with extended family and friends. Mamm will make a big dinner at noon, but instead of turkey—since we just had it on Christmas Day—she’ll make a pot roast and several different casseroles.” She paused, remembering her mother’s instructions. “Mr. Becker is invited too.”

“You tell your mother I appreciate the offer.” Martha stood tall, then reached up and patted the twist on top of her head. “And I love a good pot roast, so I’m sure Arnold and I will be there.”

“That’s great.” Emily grinned. “Sure looks fancy and pretty in here. You got plans for Christmas Eve tonight?”

Martha raised her chin. “Not that it’s any of your business .  . .” She grinned. “But yes. Arnold and I are spending the evening together.”

“That’s nice.” Emily folded her gloved hands in front of her, realizing that she hadn’t exactly been invited to stay. “I heard Mr. Becker say he doesn’t have any family. Has he always lived here?”

“You might as well sit down. I see you’re full of questions.” Martha looked at her watch. “He won’t be here for another hour.” She sat down in her rocker, which was still so near the table she jostled it when she took her seat, causing the lamp to teeter. She reached out and steadied it without looking at it.

Emily took off her coat and bonnet, sat down on the couch, and folded the garments in her lap. She waited for Martha to go on.

“Arnold said he’s never been married.” She paused. “Isn’t that something?”

Emily nodded.

“I was married once,” Martha said after a few moments.

“Really? I didn’t know that. You never mentioned that to me or David. Do you have kinner?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry. Children. Kinner means children in Pennsylvania Dutch.”

“No. My Herbert and I never had any kids. We always wanted some, but it just didn’t happen.” She looked to her left. “Instead, we had Elvis, who did indeed outlive Herbert.” Martha sighed. “Herbert just dropped dead one day. Heart attack.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a few years ago.” Martha gazed at the Christmas tree, seeming far away, and the flickering lights shone on her face.

After a few moments, Emily said, “Your cookies smell gut.”

Martha chuckled. “I didn’t learn much about cooking while you were here, Emily, but I figure even I should be able to make some cookies.”

“I’m sure they’ll be wonderful.”

Martha bit her lip as she rubbed her chin. “Your people have a strong faith in the Lord, don’t you?”

“Ya. We do.”

Martha let out a deep breath. “So does Arnold.” She frowned as she spoke.

Emily wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t her place to minister to anyone, so she just nodded.

“So, what makes a good Christian, Emily? Gotta go to church every Sunday?” Martha crossed one leg over the other and shifted her weight.

“I—I think a gut Christian tries to be the best person they can. They give unselfishly to others, worship God, believe Jesus to be our Savior, and, for us—we believe that everything that happens is God’s will. Even the bad things.”

Emily heard herself say the words, and guilt flooded over her for all the times she’d questioned God’s will the past few months.

Martha folded her arms across her chest and stared at the fire for a few moments. “I think Arnold is a good Christian.”

Emily nodded again. “He seems like a nice man.”

Martha chuckled. “Doesn’t he, though?” She shook her head. “Can’t for the life of me figure out why that silly old carpenter wants to spend time with me.” Her mouth twisted wryly. “You probably haven’t noticed, but I ain’t always real cheerful.”

Emily bit her bottom lip, then took a deep breath. “I’ve always thought you were just fine, Martha.”

“Well, you better go before my cookies burn.” Martha stood up.

Emily jumped up and put on her coat and bonnet. “Thank you for the gift, Martha.” She picked it up from the coffee table.

“Send my thanks to your mother for the rhubarb jelly.”

“I will.” Emily walked toward the door, then turned and smiled. “Have a nice time with Mr. Becker.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Martha rolled her eyes, scowled a bit, then mumbled, “Merry Christmas to you folks.”

“Merry Christmas.” Emily opened the door and left.

She was almost to her buggy when she heard the door open. She turned around.

Martha stood on the porch. “Emily?”

“Ya?”

“Is it too late for me to be one of ’em?” Martha took a step forward and rubbed her hands along her arms. “You know, a good Christian?”

Emily smiled. “It’s never too late, Martha.”

MARTHA PULLED HER cookies from the oven. “Argh!” She eyed the blackened edges as she set the pan on top of the oven. “Can’t even seem to make a simple batch of chocolate chip cookies.”

She lifted one of the cookies with the spatula, blew on it, then flipped it over. Too burnt to serve to Arnold. He’d think she had never baked cookies, which would be the complete and total truth.

Oh well. All wasn’t lost. She eyed the pan of lasagna in front of her, the one she’d pried from the frozen container and put in her own casserole dish. The way the cheese melded to the edge of the pan made it look almost like she’d prepared it herself. And anyone could toss a salad, which Martha figured she’d done quite well. Boy, how she missed Emily in the kitchen.

Not my fault I never learned to cook. She didn’t remember her mother ever teaching her. And when she’d married Herbert, they’d had a live-in housekeeper and a cook, so Martha had never pursued the craft.

But after Herbert died, Martha had traded their estate in Monte Vista for this much smaller home in Canaan, and she’d parted ways with the help, giving them enough money to either retire or take a lot of vacations. She missed the lavish meals from time to time, but it was easier to be alone. Or so she’d thought. She smiled to herself as she looked over her surroundings. It had been a long time since she’d cared what her place looked like. After Herbert died, she’d fallen into some sort of funk she hadn’t been able to shake. Until now.

She jumped a bit when she heard a knock at the door and felt silly. She was going to have to do something to harness all the giddiness she’d felt since the day she laid eyes on Arnold Becker. The man seemed to radiate kindness, and he was bringing a few things out in Martha that had been stuck beneath a lonely heart for several years.

She took a deep breath and pulled the door wide. He stood on the porch shivering, but then a smile spread across his face, and Martha couldn’t recall ever feeling as warm as she did at this moment or as dizzy with happiness. Maybe I’ll learn to live with giddy.

“You look beautiful,” he said as he crossed the threshold.

“Get yourself in here out of the cold.” Martha closed the door behind him. She tried to control the blush filling her cheeks, but be blasted if she just couldn’t. “Warm yourself by the fire.”

Arnold smiled as he walked to the fireplace. He pulled off his gloves and a black felt hat that looked similar to the ones the Amish folks wore.

“Here, let me take your coat.” Martha waited while he shed the long black overcoat, then she laid it across the back of the couch.

“Hello, Elvis,” he said as he made his way to Elvis’s cage. Martha followed, anxious for Arnold to hear how she’d taught Elvis to say Merry Christmas.

“You’ll love this. Listen to what my Elvis learned just today. Such a smart bird, my Elvis.”

Elvis squealed before he spoke, then loudly said, “I think I love that Arnold. I think I love that Arnold. I think I love that—”

“Elvis! Shut your mouth! Good grief!” Martha was afraid to even look at Arnold, and any previous blush in her cheeks was now fire-red embarrassment. Elvis, you are in big trouble. Martha slowly turned to Arnold, raised her brows, and flashed him a stiff smile. “Dumb bird. He was supposed to say Merry Christmas.”

Arnold’s mouth was curved into a smile, but his eyes were open wide. Luckily, he didn’t comment on Elvis’s new saying, though his cheeks were turning as red as Martha knew hers were. No sunflower seeds for you today, Elvis. You’re grounded.

“Something smells real good, Martha.”

She smiled. “I hope you like lasagna.”

“I do.”

Even the frozen kind? “Why don’t you give the fire a poke while I go set the table?”

Arnold nodded, and Martha headed to the kitchen. Once everything was ready, she went to get him, and they sat down to eat.

“Shall I say the blessing?” Arnold folded his hands together and bowed his head.

Martha did the same. “Sure.”

Arnold thanked the Lord for the food, for Martha, for his home, for his life, for his friends, and about near everything else. Martha was grateful for all those things he mentioned, and she’d grown accustomed to praying before meals. Occasionally, she’d try to talk to God on her own, but it felt awkward because she didn’t really know much about Him. Her family didn’t attend church when she was a child, at least not that she could recall, and Herbert hadn’t been a church person when she met him either, so it wasn’t something they ever did.

Over the years, Martha had watched the Amish. They were kind, generous, loving, and every last one of them seemed to have a strong faith. There was something comforting about being around them, but their sense of peacefulness wasn’t easy for her. She wasn’t unhappy. A bit lonely, perhaps. But her and Elvis had gotten along mighty fine. Just the same, maybe she should lift up her heart in prayer more, let God know she appreciates Him. Arnold sure seemed to have a rapport with Him. He talked about the Lord a lot. Martha was uncomfortable talking about her faith—or lack thereof—but she enjoyed hearing Arnold talk about his relationship with God and the peace it gave him. It made Martha want to buddy up with God too.

I’m an old woman. It’s probably too late. Emily’s words rang in her head. “It’s never too late, Martha. ”

Then as clear as the cute little pug nose on Arnold’s face, she heard a voice in her head.

Seek Me with all your heart.

She said, “Huh?” about the same time Arnold said, “Amen.”

Arnold grinned. “What?”

“Oh, nothing.” She sat taller. “Amen. That’s what I meant to say.”

Arnold dove into his salad, and Martha spooned a large helping of lasagna onto his plate. Then she served herself some. All the while, she reflected on what she’d heard.

Seek who?

They ate quietly for a minute or two. Then it came to her. She knew who.

“Arnold, it’s Christmas Eve. You going to church tonight?”

Her dinner partner looked surprised. “Yes. Midnight Mass.”

“Think they’d let me in, if I was to want to go to church tonight?”

Arnold shook his head. “I don’t know, Martha. You’d have to talk to the priest, then confess your sins, then they would need to bathe you in holy water, and you’d have to address the congregation as to your intentions, and—”

“Forget it! I was just asking.” Her eyes were large as she shook her head.

Arnold burst out laughing. “Martha, I’m teasing you. Of course you can go. Anyone is welcome in the Lord’s home. I’d love for you to attend with me . . . if you would like.”

Martha felt her face reddening again. Who would have thought Arnold had a sense of humor? “Okay,” she said shrugging. Midnight was way past her bedtime, but something in her heart was driving her in this new direction.

Thirteen

MARTHA KNELT DOWN FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, HER knees crackling with every squat as she clutched the pew in front of her. It had been a long time since she’d attended a Catholic Mass, or any church service for that matter, but now she remembered that the Catholics were the ones who exercised while they worshiped.

She followed along best she could, and even found herself singing along to the Christmas songs led by a full choir. Their white gowns reminded her of the carolers that used to come by her house years ago, dressed similarly and carrying song books. Herbert had loved that part of Christmas, especially the children singing. But no one caroled anymore, and Martha suddenly found herself wondering why. Or maybe they did . . . but just never came to her house.

Thoughts about the way she’d lived the past few years bounced around in her head. She didn’t have anything to be particularly angry about. Losing Herbert when he was a young man of fifty-eight had been a blow, and that had taken some time to get over, but she knew she didn’t have a lot of the worries that some folks had—money issues, health issues, and other things that can drag a person down. Herbert was a good man, and memories of him always brought a smile to her face. They’d shared fifteen wonderful years together late in life. Even though Martha never did care for the fancy life that he’d introduced her to, she’d sure loved her husband.

Martha could clearly recall the day Herbert walked into her family’s pet store to browse around. She’d heard a rumor that a rich man from Boston had purchased an estate not far from her family’s farm. A huge house with nine bedrooms, a customer at the store had told her. Much of what Martha learned about their small town came from customers at the store. Her parents believed in hard work, and they didn’t encourage outside interests or friendships, even when Martha was young. Martha had spent most of her time alone—or at the pet store—well into adulthood. So when Herbert had said he wanted to buy a parrot—the store’s only parrot, her beloved Elvis—she’d been just about ready to tell the stranger that the bird wasn’t for sale. But then her mother walked in from the back room and happily accepted a large sum of money for the bird. Then Herbert walked out of the store with the best friend Martha had ever had. She befriended Herbert in an effort to make sure Elvis was well cared for. But Herbert turned out to be a good guy and someone who tolerated Martha’s unique disposition. They were married a year later.

Not hearing a word the priest said, she thought about why she hadn’t made any other friends, not real friends anyway. If anything, she’d discouraged it. Seemed like a lot of work sometimes, to make friends. Although . . . she’d taken a liking to Emily and David.

She peeked at Arnold out of the corner of her eye. Martha knew she wasn’t up on the styles like she had been in her younger days, but it didn’t take a fashion model to figure out that Arnold’s suit looked like it was from the days when young people wore peace signs on their shirts and drove around with flowers on their vans. Arnold had probably never had any material wealth. Herbert had it—tons of money. And he’d dragged her willingly into his life, but once he was gone, Martha realized that a smaller space in the world for her and Elvis was really all she needed.

She stood up when she saw those around her doing so, feeling a bit guilty that she’d missed out on the prayers being offered. She just wasn’t sure about all this church stuff. Something about being in a big room where God seemed to be closer than usual made her feel unworthy. What had she really done in her life that was good enough to please God?

Maybe agreeing to go to church with Arnold had been a mistake, but after the service was over—after paying attention to the last half—she felt rejuvenated. What had been rejuvenated, she didn’t know. But she just felt good in general. During the final prayer, she thanked God for having her in His home. Wish I knew You better.

Seek Me with all your heart.

Martha stopped abruptly as they were slowly following the crowd down the aisle toward the exit. “Did you hear that?” She turned to Arnold and frowned.

“Hear what?”

Martha looked toward the front of the church. Poinsettias lined the area, and the lights from the nearby Christmas trees twinkled atop the white surface of the altar, reflections bouncing in every direction like tiny little beings dancing in celebration. “O Holy Night” piped through the organ on the second floor, and Martha began walking against the crowd. Arnold called for her, but for reasons she couldn’t explain, she gently elbowed her way down the aisle until she stood a few feet from the altar. She looked up at Jesus hanging on the cross and studied the pained expression on his face. She couldn’t have explained her emotions at that moment to anyone. Except maybe to God. And she had a hunch He already knew how she was feeling.

She took a deep breath, stood taller, then turned around and headed back down the aisle with the others. Arnold was standing in one of the pews toward the back of the church, waiting for her.

“What were you doing?” Arnold stepped out of the pew and joined her. Together they walked several steps to the door.

“I don’t know.” Martha heard the voice in her head again.

Seek Me with all your heart. “Maybe I’m going nuts.”

Arnold smiled. “I think you’re just fine.”

Here we go again. Martha felt her cheeks turning red. It wasn’t so much what Arnold said, but how he said it sometimes—so warm, in such a tender tone. Her old, wobbly knees felt weaker than usual. She let him latch onto her hand as they walked to his old Ford pickup truck, which probably had traveled alongside the vans with the flowers at some time in the past. Martha could remember fantasizing about being a flower child when she was younger, but work on the farm and at the pet store kept her away from that legacy. Probably just as well.

Tonight she’d offered to take her car. It wasn’t new. No need for a new one since hers worked just fine. But it was at least twenty years newer than Arnold’s. No matter. Arnold was happy carting her around. And as of late . . . when Arnold was happy, Martha felt happy.

Eing. She knew it had to be especially upsetting to her mother, but as usual, MILY MISSED HAVING Jacob at home on Christmas mornMamm carried on with a smile on her face. Jacob was spending his first Christmas morning with Beth Ann and her family.

Emily thanked her mother for the black sweater Mamm had made for her, and she was about to thank her father for the cedar trinket box he’d made when Betsy squealed.

“Betsy, please don’t scream.” Mamm’s scolding was less severe this Christmas morning, and it was hard not to smile as Betsy held up her present, a large backpack filled with books.

“Look, Emily!” Betsy flopped down beside Emily on the couch and began to dump the books on both their laps. “These are all the books I’ve been wanting!” Betsy covered her mouth with her hands and bounced up and down for a moment. “I can’t wait to show Anna and Elizabeth!”

“They will be here tomorrow,” Mamm said as she picked up the present from Martha. “So nice of Martha to send us a gift.”

Levi grunted. “Probably a dead critter.”

“Levi,” their father warned. “It is Christmas Day.” He pulled down his glasses and glared at Levi. “None of that today.”

Levi was sitting on the floor near the fireplace. “Isn’t she coming here tomorrow?”

“Ya, she is. And she is bringing Arnold Becker.” Mamm was peeling the wrapping from Martha’s present. “And Martha might not always be the friendliest of folks, but I expect you all to treat her with courtesy and respect.” She narrowed her eyes at Levi.

“I know,” Levi mumbled.

Daed stood up from the rocker, went to the wood stacked by the fireplace, and tossed another log on the fire, orange sparks shimmying up. Emily helped Betsy stuff her books back into the backpack, and when she was done, she glanced at her mother. Mamm held Martha’s opened box on her lap and was just staring inside, her jaw dropped.

“Mamm, what is it?”

Her father gave the fire a final poke, then edged toward their mother. “Vera, what is it?” He leaned down and looked in the box. His eyes widened.

Mamm grabbed the lid, slammed it on top of the box, and jumped from the chair. She faced their father. “I will return this the minute I see Martha tomorrow!”

Emily stood up. Whatever was in the box, Mamm was not even trying to mask her anger like she normally did. “What is it, Mamm?”

“Don’t worry about it. We are returning it.” Mamm stomped to the kitchen.

DAVID BREATHED IN the smell of bacon cooking from downstairs. Lillian always got up extra early on Christmas morning to cook a big breakfast before everyone got up. She wanted them to have their own family traditions, and this had been the first one she’d incorporated when she married his father.

He grinned when he thought about how fast Anna and Elizabeth would shovel their food, anxious to open their presents. Gifts were never fancy, but each year David made the girls and Lillian a special wooden trinket, and usually he made his father a little something too. But this year, with the move and lack of time, he’d purchased them all a little something with the money he’d made working at the furniture store in town. He’d even bought a new kitchen clock for Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann, since theirs got broken during the move.

His daed said they wouldn’t discuss Ivan’s departure, mostly for Anna and Elizabeth’s sake, but a dark cloud hung over the family. Katie Ann refused to leave the house, even for Christmas. All of them were worried about her. Lillian checked on her daily to make sure she was eating well, and Katie Ann insisted she was, though the family suspected otherwise. Lillian said she would go see about Katie Ann later, but she wanted Anna and Elizabeth to enjoy their day. David’s father turned red in the face every time Ivan’s name was mentioned, and David shared his father’s sentiments. He couldn’t understand how Ivan could do this to Katie Ann. Unless Ivan changed his mind, returned, and confessed his wrongdoings, he would be shunned, and the family would have nothing to do with him.

David’s other uncle, Noah, had been shunned years ago, but over time, the family overlooked it. His uncle chose to pursue an education past the eighth grade, which is unacceptable within the Amish community. Noah went on to become a doctor, a calling he said was too strong to ignore. He admitted that he should have never been baptized into the community. If he’d only recognized his calling sooner and not sought baptism, he wouldn’t have been banned by the community.

Noah ended up returning home, and he built a clinic for the Amish community. Even Bishop Ebersol recognized the good that Noah was doing, and he also eventually eased up on the shunning. For David, Noah would always be special. His uncle had saved his life when he unselfishly gave David one of his kidneys five years ago. They shared a bond that couldn’t be broken.

As he made his way downstairs, he thought about Emily and the harsh way he’d spoken to her the last time he saw her. Tomorrow they would be spending Second Christmas with her family, and maybe David should tell her why he didn’t want to get close to her. Did he owe her that, since she seemed to have feelings for him?

No, he decided. Then Emily would just feel sorry for him, and the last thing he needed was pity. That was one thing he enjoyed about living in Canaan. No one knew his medical history or felt sorry for him.

Anna, Elizabeth, and his father were already eating when David walked into the kitchen. David laughed when he saw Anna’s cheeks filled like a chipmunk.

“You girls know you can’t open presents until everyone eats.” David grinned as he squeezed in beside Anna.

His sister swallowed, then said, “Hurry, David! Hurry!”

Lillian placed a basket full of homemade biscuits on the table, then thrust her hands on her hips. “Anna, let your brother eat. There is plenty of time for opening gifts.” Lillian scurried around the kitchen, and David smiled to himself. Lillian was just like a kid when it came to opening presents, and he often wondered if she regretted this Christmas tradition she started because she—like the girls—seemed to do everything hurriedly in an effort to go open presents.

David estimated they finished in about five minutes, and they headed into the den. All of the boxes from the move were either unpacked or upstairs in the extra bedroom waiting to be unpacked. Lillian had done her best to make the old place a home, and David figured that once the floors were replaced and the walls painted, the house would start to perk up. He wondered if he would be around to help with all that. How can I leave Daed with all this work? He was also enjoying his job at the furniture store.

He thought about Emily again and sighed.

Anna ran to the far side of the room where several presents were wrapped and decorated. She began to eye the tags, looking for one with her name on it. Christmas trees were not a part of Amish decorations, but Lillian had poinsettias, candles, and wreaths about the house, and the presents were another decorative touch around the den.

David kicked back and watched his sisters open their presents. When they finally got to his, he smiled. “Do you like it?”

Anna and Elizabeth ran to him and jumped in his lap. “You are the best bruder in the entire world!” Anna said. Elizabeth kissed him on the cheek. “I love you so much, David.”

David hugged the girls tightly, thinking that this would be the last Christmas he would have with them. Next year at this time, he’d be back in Lancaster County. For some reason, the thought of leaving didn’t seem as appealing as it did a month ago.

Lillian called the girls’ names. “Let me see what your brother got you,” she said.

Anna and Elizabeth jumped from his lap to show their mother the small telescopes he’d bought for them.

Lillian handled them with care, commenting about what great gifts they were. “Now you can see the stars. They’re so beautiful to see in the mountains.”

He hadn’t spent a lot on the telescopes, but he knew the girls would enjoy taking them out and looking at the sky on clear nights.

David swallowed hard. It was going to be tough. But he needed to stick to his plan, leaving after he helped his father ready the fields for planting in the spring. By then, he should have enough money to get back to Lancaster County.

DAVID WAS LAYING on the couch, dozing after their devotions earlier in the afternoon, when Lillian came running into the room. She slapped him playfully on the leg.

“Wake up, sleepyhead! It’s almost three o’clock. It’s time!” Lillian jumped up and down, and David grinned. “Go find Anna and Elizabeth. I think they’re upstairs. Your daed is already in the barn. Hurry!”

“Okay, ya, ya. I’m getting up.” David swung his legs off the couch, rubbed his eyes for a moment, then stood up.

“Anna! Elizabeth!” Lillian yelled, instead of waiting for David. “Come downstairs!”

David had been anxious for three o’clock to arrive, too, but Lillian was the most excited.

A few minutes later everyone had bundled up, and they met their father in the barn.

“Ready?” Daed smiled, holding the phone in his hand that he’d had installed just the week before. In Lancaster County, the Amish in their district had been allowed to have a phone in the barn for emergencies or business. It had been that way for several years, although Bishop Ebersol had been one of the last bishops in the area to allow it. David could remember, as a child, having to hike to the Lapp shanty, even in below-freezing temperatures. The boxlike structure that housed the phone on Ruben Lapp’s farm was shared by six families in the area.

Here in this remote area of Colorado, the bishop didn’t come around too much, and when they did see him, he was much more relaxed than Bishop Ebersol had been. When David’s father had asked their new bishop about putting a phone in the barn for emergencies and business, Bishop Esh had responded, “And I’m sure you want to keep in touch with your family back home in Lancaster County.”

So this Christmas morning, they had no guilt or feelings of wrongdoing, and everyone waited for ber. Lillian was bouncing on her toes. “Hurry, Samuel! Put it on speaker. Press that button right there. See, right there.”Daed to dial the num

David’s father gently pushed her hand away and chuckled. “I got it, Lillian.”

A few moments later David heard Sarah Jane’s voice.

Lillian cupped both hands to her chest. “Mamm, is that you? I miss you so much.” David saw tears come to her eyes as she said, “Frehlicher Grischtdaag! Is everyone there?”

“Ya, ya. We’re all here.” Sarah Jane sounded just as excited as Lillian. “Esther is here too.”

“Hi, Mammi,” David said to his grandmother, his father’s mother.

Lillian leaned closer to the phone. “Lizzie, are you there?” Daadi Jonas had married Lizzie after his first wife passed, and Lizzie was as special to the family as Jonas had been. After Lizzie responded, Lillian, Samuel, David, and the girls individually addressed the rest of their family—David’s Aunt Rebecca and her family; Uncle Noah, Carley, and their daughter Jenna; their good friends Sadie and Kade, along with their children, Tyler and Marie; and even their Englisch friend Barbie Beiler, who was there to wish them all holiday greetings.

“Is Katie Ann there?” Sarah Jane asked.

Lillian sighed. “No. She still won’t leave the haus. I’ll go check on her in a little while.”

“We’re so worried about her,” Rebecca said. “How could mei bruder do this?”

“We are praying that Ivan will make the right choice and return home to his fraa.” David’s father shook his head as he spoke. But David doubted any of them believed Ivan would return.

The conversation lasted about thirty minutes, during which David and his family heard all the happenings with their family in Lancaster County. By the time they hung up, David was more confused than ever. Part of him wanted to go back to Lancaster County as soon as he could, but then every time he thought about it, he got an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Fourteen

EMILY SAT ON THE SIDE OF HER BED, BOWED IN PRAYER. She thanked God for the many blessings He’d bestowed on her, and for most recently helping her to function as a normal human being without constantly being in fear and thinking about her attack. She still had flashbacks, but they weren’t nearly as frequent, and she noticed that with each day, her fear lessened. The small inner voice that she knew to be God was louder and clearer now, and she tried to seek Him with all her heart every day.

But she struggled with the bitterness she felt toward David. She knew it was her own fault for allowing herself to get too close to him, but he should have never kissed her, never led her to believe that he cared about her. Every time her thoughts veered in this unhealthy direction, she firmly reminded herself that it was for the best, that David deserved a complete woman, untainted and pure. Something Emily was not.

She ended by praying for David’s aunt, Katie Ann. Emily couldn’t imagine how horrible it must be for Katie Ann. It was a sad situation, and she wondered if Katie Ann would be coming for Second Christmas today with the rest of David’s family.

When she got downstairs, she slipped out the front door. She could see her father sitting on the porch, and she wanted to spend a little time with him before she went to help her mother in the kitchen.

“Emily, sit with me.” Her father put down the newspaper he was reading and took off his glasses. “I’ve been meaning to tell you what a gut thing it was that you did for your bruder and Beth Ann, giving them the wringer. A fine wedding present.”

There was nothing Emily liked more than pleasing her father. “I was happy to do it. Martha paid gut money.” She smiled as she sat down in the other rocker.

They were quiet for a few moments as her father stroked his beard. “I’ve been thinking, Emily . . . I’m going to carve out some time to build you a cedar chest.” He glanced in her direction. “One like your mother has.”

Emily loved her mother’s cedar chest. She knew her father had made it for her when they were first married. “I’d love that, Daed.”

“Every maedel should have a special place to store things for her future, and I regret that I haven’t made you one sooner.” He angled his body slightly to face her. “I know your mamm has mentioned several things that she wants you to have.”

Emily didn’t know how to respond. Surely, he suspected that, after everything that had happened, she wouldn’t be getting married. She forced a smile. “I better go help Mamm in the kitchen.” She stood up and was walking to the door when her father called her name.

She turned to face him. “Ya, Daed?”

Her father stood up from the chair and walked toward her. “You will make a fine fraa someday, and any young man who wins your heart will indeed be blessed by God.”

Emily blinked back tears. It wasn’t true, but what a wonderful thing for her father to say. “Danki, Daed.”

Then her father did the unexpected. He walked closer and embraced her. “I love you, mei maedel.”

“I love you too, Daed.”

Emily allowed herself a few extra moments in the safety and warmth of her father’s arms, knowing that she would disappoint him again. Then she eased away and went into the kitchen to help her mother. She picked up a dishrag and started drying the plates in the rack, but her father’s words lingered in her mind—and in her heart. As much as she wanted to believe him, she knew her dreams of becoming a wife and mother were gone. She thought of Katie Ann again and wondered how she was coping with her husband’s abandonment of their life together.

“Mamm, do you think Katie Ann will be coming with the rest of the Stoltzfuses today?” She opened the cabinet to her right and stacked a plate on top of the others.

Her mother pulled a tub of butter from the refrigerator and began buttering slices of bread. “I don’t know. I hope so.” She shook her head. “Poor dear. I just can’t imagine.” Mamm went back to the bread, then said, “Ach, I forgot to tell you that the Kauffmans will be coming for the noon meal today also, so after you dry those plates, can you go ask Levi to put the fold-up table in the den for the little ones?”

Emily abruptly stopped drying the plate in her hand as she recalled the way Hannah had flirted with David at the singing a few weeks ago. It was as wrong as wrong could be, but if Emily couldn’t have David, she didn’t want Hannah to have him either.

“Emily, move along,” Mamm said, cutting her eyes at Emily. “Finish those plates and go find Levi, please.”

An hour later everything was ready, and everyone seemed to pull in the driveway at once. Hannah had three brothers, so they were arriving in two buggies. Emily could see David and his family also arriving in two buggies. David was carting one of the girls, although Emily couldn’t tell which one from this distance.

“They’re here! They’re here!” Betsy jumped up and down.

“Betsy!” Mamm stomped her foot. “No screaming!”

Emily tried not to laugh, since her mother had actually just screamed much louder than Betsy.

Before everyone had tethered their horses, Emily saw Mr.

Becker’s old truck come up the driveway. He parked near the barn and slowly made his way across the yard until he met up with the others. Folks started heading to the house, and Emily greeted them as they came through the door.

“Emily, that’s a lovely dress,” Hannah said as she came into the den. David was behind her. Right behind her.

“Danki, Hannah.” She paused while Hannah passed, then she raised her chin and folded her arms across her chest as David came in. “Hello, David.”

“Hi, Emily.”

Don’t speak to me in that tone. His tenderness was what had put her in this state of mind in the first place. She liked him better when he was gruff, like the first day she’d met him. From now on, that’s how she would think of David Stoltzfus—rude and gruff. She sighed, knowing that it would be a challenge to think of him in any way other than sweet, handsome, smart, and everything she’d ever wanted in a husband. She swallowed back a knot in her throat.

“Where’s Martha?” Emily asked Mr. Becker as he came into the den.

Arnold lowered his head. “She won’t be coming.” He looked back up at Emily. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I called her to say I was on my way to pick her up, and she told me she didn’t want to go anywhere.” Arnold’s lip almost looked like it quivered when he spoke. “Then she hung up on me.”

“What? I thought the two of you were getting along so nicely.” Emily touched Mr. Becker’s arm.

Mr. Becker shrugged as his mouth turned down. “So did I.”

THEY’D ONLY BEEN at the Detweilers’ about an hour when David started to feel guilty about his behavior. He’d flirted with Hannah, and allowed her to flirt with him, since he’d arrived, and he could tell that Emily was fit to be tied, jealous as all get out, and nothing could have pleased him more.

I am a bad man. He’d made it perfectly clear to Emily that he didn’t want to be anything more than friends, yet he was getting a thrill out of seeing her jealous. Maybe he just needed confirmation that she really cared about him . . . and her snippy behavior seemed confirmation enough.

“Here’s the tea you asked for.” Emily handed him a glass of tea, her cheeks red, her eyes filled with rage.

“Danki,” he said with a smile. Then he turned back to Hannah, even though he wasn’t hearing a thing she said. He saw Emily slip out the back door, swiping at her eyes as she went. Did I make her cry? “I’ll be back,” he said to Hannah without even looking at her. He headed toward the back door.

It took him awhile to find Emily, out in the barn by herself crying.

“Emily?” He approached her slowly.

She quickly swiped at her eyes with both hands. “Leave me alone. Get out of here.”

David kept moving toward her until he was only a few inches away. “Why are you crying?”

“I said, just leave me alone.” She leaned forward, her face filled with anger . . . or hurt? Hurt that he had caused in his effort to affirm her feelings for him. He stood there, questioning his intentions. His original plan had been to not get close to her, so he wouldn’t hurt her. Clearly, he’d done just that.

He reached for her arms and tried to pull her to him. “Emily, don’t cry.”

She pushed him away. “I said, leave me alone. Go back inside to Hannah. You two make a cute couple.”

“I’m not interested in Hannah, if that’s what has you so upset.”

She snickered as she tossed her head back. “I don’t care what you do, or who you’re interested in, David Stoltzfus.”

“Oh . . . but I think you do.”

Emily held her position. “Well, you’re wrong. We’re friends, and I don’t care who you choose to court.”

“Is that what you think, that I’m going to court Hannah?” David pushed back the rim of his black hat.

Emily shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Then why are you crying?”

She blew out a deep breath. “Did it ever occur to you that I might be crying about something that has nothing to do with you? My life and my emotions don’t revolve around you. I’m upset about something else.”

“What then? What are you upset about?”

“I—I . . . I don’t have to tell you.”

David grunted. “’Cause it’s about me and Hannah.”

“No, it’s not!”

“You’re yelling.” David raised his brows and waited.

“It’s—it’s about Martha. I’m upset about Martha.”

David cocked his head to one side, puzzled. “Martha? Why are you upset about Martha?”

“Well, because . . .” She folded her arms across her chest. “Because she hung up on Mr. Becker, and Mr. Becker is sad, and well . . . I figure there must be something wrong. And Martha seemed so happy lately. I just feel sad.”

David’s brows furrowed. “Enough to make you cry about it when you have all these people here?”

She edged past him and mumbled, “Just leave me alone.”

“Let’s go see her then!”

Emily spun around. “What?”

“When everyone leaves, let’s go check on her.”

Emily walked back up to him and glared at him. “Oh no. We can’t be alone together. I will go check on Martha later. By myself!”

She stormed out of the barn and left David with his mouth hung open.

WHEN EVERYONE LEFT that afternoon, Emily knew she needed to go upstairs and bury herself in prayer for at least a couple of hours. She’d been rude to Hannah, yelled at David, and even barked at poor little Betsy for no reason. But she needed to see Martha first. She was sincerely concerned about her friend, and even her mother had pulled her aside and asked if Emily would go check on her.

As she eased into Martha’s driveway, the sight in front of her made her want to spit nails. David stood beside his buggy right in front of Martha’s house.

She climbed out of her buggy and walked directly to him. “What are you doing here?”

David smiled. “Waiting on you.”

Emily pulled her coat tight around her and locked eyes with him. She thought about her dreadful behavior all day and took a deep breath. “What are you doing, David?”

“I’m here to check on Martha, just like you.”

“No.” Emily tucked her chin and spoke softly. “I mean, what are you doing?” She looked up at him, knowing her eyes were beginning to tear. “You tell me that you just want to be friends with me, but we can’t spend any time alone together. David, you are sending me mixed signals. But I want to clear something up, so that maybe we can be friends, alone together or otherwise.”

“Okay . . .”

She took another deep breath. “I can never be anything more than friends with you. Never. I care about you, and I think you are a wonderful person. But if you are worried about leading me on, there is nothing to worry about. I don’t want to play games, though.” She pulled her eyes from his. “I like you very much, but I’ll never want to be anything more than your buddy. So you can stop trying to make me jealous with the likes of Hannah Kauffman. Because, honestly . . . I think you can do much better than her.”

“Emily, you don’t understand. If you understood, then maybe—”

Emily held her palm toward him. “I don’t need to understand anything. I have my own reasons. Now, I’m going to check on Martha. You can come, or not come.” She turned around and walked up the porch steps. She could hear David following her.

After several hard knocks and no answer, Emily turned to David. “Her car is here. Do you think she’s okay?”

“Maybe she’s napping.” David reached forward and gave another hard knock on the door.

Emily turned the knob. “It’s open. Should we go in and check on her?”

David shrugged. “I don’t know, Emily. She might just be busy, or down with a cold, or something else that ain’t none of our business.”

Emily twisted the knob anyway and slowly pushed the door open. Martha was sitting in her chair, looking like the old Martha but a more disheveled version of her—hair unfixed, matted curls barely held on top of her head with the butterfly clip, a dingy pink housecoat and worn slippers as her wardrobe.

She didn’t even look Emily’s way when the door opened. Emily stepped through the door, and David followed right behind.

“Martha?” Emily said softly. White lines ran from Martha’s eyes down through her pink blush.

Emily looked from Martha’s face to the blue blanket cradled in her arms. “Oh no,” she whispered. Elvis’s brightly-colored head lay tilted to one side, his eyes closed, his body unmoving under the blanket.

Emily was rooted in place, but David walked toward Martha. He slowly squatted down beside her, and with the familiar tenderness that Emily had grown to love, David lightly touched Martha’s arm. After a moment, she turned to face him, then she spoke softly.

“I went to church,” Martha said, sniffling. “I wanted to see what it was all about.” She looked down at Elvis, and another tear rolled down her cheek. “I’ve even been praying.” Then Martha looked hard into David’s eyes and spoke in an even voice. “And this is how God rewards my good efforts? He takes my beloved Elvis. Why would He do that, David? Can you tell me that?” She smiled slightly as another tear rolled down her cheek.

Martha’s calm demeanor was unnerving. Emily finally inched closer and squatted down beside David. But before either one of them could offer any words of comfort, Martha spoke again.

“Seek Me with all your heart.” Martha paused. She looked down at Elvis and stroked his head, then looked back up at David. “I’ve been hearing that in my head, and I thought maybe it was God, so I’ve been trying to connect, I guess you’d say.”

Emily didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain to an Englisch person that God’s will is not to be questioned, even in the worst of times. James flashed before her, and she clenched her eyes shut. Not now. Martha needs our help. She wasn’t sure how David’s hand became intertwined with hers. She looked down, and he gave her hand a squeeze but kept his eyes on Martha. Emily was wondering how long Martha had been sitting there with Elvis in her lap. It was the most heartbreaking scene, and Emily fought her own tears.

David still had one hand on Martha’s arm. “What can we do, Martha?”

The gentle way David spoke to Martha touched Emily so much that a tear did spill. She quickly wiped it away with her free hand, just as she felt David squeeze her hand again. She squeezed back.

“I suppose we need to bury him.” Martha looked down at the bird and started to cry again. Then she turned to Emily. “I’ll need a day or two to think about arrangements.”

yard after saying a few brief prayers. Why a day or two to make arrangements? Wouldn’t Elvis be ratherArrangements? Emily had been nine years old when her hamster died, and they’d just buried it in a box in the back . . . unpleasant by then? She crinkled her nose.

“Do you want us to fetch Mr. Becker for you?” Emily offered.

Martha immediately shook her head. “No. I don’t want him to see me like this.” She twisted her mouth to one side. “I think that old man has a big crush on me, and I don’t want to ruin his fine image of me.” She finally smiled without crying. Then she looked down again. “My poor, poor Elvis.”

“Do you know what—what happened?” Emily bit her bottom lip.

“No. My Elvis has had the best of everything.” Martha stared down at the bird for a moment, then looked up at Emily. “Can you help me plan Elvis’s funeral?”

“Funeral?” Emily tried to hide her shock. “I mean, sure.

Do you want me to find a cardboard box?”

Martha glared at Emily in a way that almost frightened her. “Would you bury a member of your family in a cardboard box?” She rolled her eyes. “Never mind. I’ve been to an Amish funeral, and I don’t recall it doing justice to the dead.”

David smiled. “We keep things simple, but I’m sure Emily will help you with Elvis’s arrangements, whatever that might be.”

Emily shot David a look, then smiled at Martha. “Of course I will.”

“No. I owe it to Elvis to do it myself. You can just put together the list of people who will attend, and I’d like everyone to bring food to my home, as is customary.” She opened her eyes wide. “I’ve been to plenty of funerals and brought plenty of food, and Elvis deserves the same courtesies.”

“Okay.” Emily was thinking about who she was supposed to invite to a bird’s funeral.

Martha sighed. “I guess I should probably call Arnold. I should have never hung up on him. But I’m in shock.”

“Of course you are.” David patted her arm. “Martha, I was wondering . . .” He took a deep breath. “What are you going to do with Elvis? I mean, until the funeral.”

Good question, Emily thought.

“I reckon I’ll put him in the deep freeze.”

Emily let go of David’s hand as she stood. She took a step backward and covered her mouth with her hand.

“You got a better idea, Miss Emily?”

Emily was startled by Martha’s sharp tone. “No, I suppose not.”

Martha ran a hand through her tangled curls. “I’d like to be alone with Elvis now. Emily, let’s plan to have the funeral at eleven o’clock on Thursday morning. And I’m not happy with God right now, but it seems fitting to have a member of the clergy recite. So get your bishop here as well.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out, Martha,” David interjected before Emily could tell Martha how ridiculous that was, and how no bishop she knew of would recite final rites over a bird. “We’ll go ahead and leave you alone now.”

They said good-bye, and Emily marched ahead of David, down the porch steps, and to her buggy. She heard David close the door behind her.

“Emily, wait!”

She spun around as David walked toward her. “This is crazy.” She lifted her hands in the air. “How are we going to gather people together for a funeral for a bird? And there is no way I’m asking Bishop Esh! Why in the world would she want me to help her with the arrangements? Shouldn’t her new boyfriend be helping her?” Emily pulled the door of her buggy open, only to have David slam it shut.

“What are you—”

He pulled her toward him, then cupped her cheeks in his hands. His lips met hers with more tenderness than any words could have offered. Their kiss seemed to go on forever.

Emily’s mind could only focus on one thing. I love you, David. I wish you could love me back.

Vdren wouldn’t open it and see what’s inside.ERA PACED BACK and forth across the bedroom, staring at the box she’d put on the middle of their bed so that the chil

“Why didn’t you just send it with Emily when she went to check on Martha?” Elam asked as he dropped his towel and winked at her.

Vera kept pacing and rolled her eyes. “Get dressed, Elam. I’m too upset to think about what you’re thinking about right now.”

Elam chuckled, ran a hand through his wet hair, then pulled a drawer open and took out some underwear. “Have you counted it?”

Vera gasped. “Well, of course not. The amount is not important. The fact that Martha would give us a box full of money is inappropriate. The minute I saw all those hundred dollar bills, I slammed the lid closed. I will return it to her tomorrow myself.”

Elam tiptoed to the bed and playfully tapped on the box. “Maybe we should just have a little look-see.”

Vera slapped his hand. “We will not.” She unpinned her kapp from her head and let her hair fall to her waist over her white nightgown. “Stay away from the box.”

“Will it permanently be residing in the middle of our bed?” Elam grinned.

“I just haven’t decided what to do with it yet.” Vera put her hands on her hips and stared at Martha’s gift. “Does she think we are poor? Why would she give us this, Elam? That box is stuffed full of money!”

Elam sat down on the bed and raised his brows repeatedly, grinning like a silly boy. “I don’t know.”

Vera grabbed the box from the bed and clutched it to her chest. “It really doesn’t matter, does it? I mean, we’re going to return it anyway.”

“Of course we are.” Elam leaned back on one elbow in just his underwear. “So it doesn’t matter if we see just how generous Martha is.” He sat up. “Oh, come on, Vera. Let’s just see how much is in there.”

Vera pressed her lips together and thought for a minute. “Let’s don’t tell a living, breathing soul we did this.”

Elam clapped his hands together. “Dump it out. Let’s have a look!”

Vera sat down on the bed beside her husband and slowly pulled the lid off the box. Then she dumped the cash on the bed between her and Elam.

Elam’s eyes grew as big as saucers.

So did Vera’s.

Fifteen

IF THERE WAS A WRONG SIDE OF THE BED, EMILY HAD woken up on it the day after Second Christmas. David hadn’t said anything after kissing her. He’d just gotten into his buggy, waved, and left. It confused Emily, but now she had to focus on planning a funeral for a bird—or at least contributing to the funeral by creating the guest list. She’d already spent the morning trying to train Beth Ann to work in the store, but Beth Ann was scatterbrained. Emily wasn’t sure Beth Ann was keen on working in the family’s dry goods store while Jacob tended the land. Not much to do this time of year, but Jacob was making some repairs on the outside of the house today, before planting season took up all of his time.

Her mother was humming in the kitchen, louder than usual, and it was grinding on Emily’s nerves—more than usual. Everything was building, and she was resentful about everything in her life. She wanted to lash out at someone. And her mother was the only one at home. Since school didn’t start back until tomorrow, Betsy had gone with their father and Levi to install a solar panel.

“Why don’t we ever talk about what happened to me?” Emily put her hands on her hips and challenged her mother to a conversation they’d avoided up to now. “About my—my . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

Mamm turned her back to Emily and started drying dishes that were in the drain. “I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.”

“Why do you always have to be so happy when my life is ruined?” Emily walked to the window and peered out into the sunshine, snow still piled high in every direction, and she set her gaze on the snow-capped mountains. She wondered what the view from the top would look like when she climbed one of the mountains and left all her worries behind. Will that day ever come? She kept her back to her mother as she went on. “You pretend that nothing happened to me. I would think that each time you look at me and see the scar on my forehead, that maybe you would be reminded about what I went through. But, no . . . you just carry on with your own perfect life, in your own perfect world.” She grunted to herself. “Lucky you.”

When there was no response, she swirled around. Mamm was still drying dishes with her back to Emily. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” her mother said without turning around.

Emily faced the window again. She raised the green blind all the way up so she could see the tops of the highest mountains. “You don’t even care what happened to me.”

A dish went smashing to the floor, and Emily turned around in time to see her mother pick up a second dish and throw it to the floor. Emily thought her heart might stop. “Mamm! What are you doing?” She took a step forward, but her mother held out her hand and motioned for her to stay back.

“Is that what you think, Emily? Is it? Is that really what you think, that I don’t care?” Her mother bent at the waist, hugging herself with one arm. “Do you not think for one minute that I wouldn’t trade places with you? Do you not think that every time I look at you I realize what a bad mother I am? I wasn’t able to protect you from that animal.” Mamm began to sob, and Emily took a step forward. Her mother again held out an outstretched hand for Emily to stay back. Emily stood perfectly still.

“I wanted to find him and hurt him!” Mamm cried harder. “My thoughts were, and often continue to be, in a direction God would never approve of, and I have to pray daily for Him to cleanse me of these thoughts.” She placed both hands flat on her chest. “Do I care, Emily? Do I care?” She hung her head, and Emily couldn’t move. “More than you could ever possibly know until you have a child of your own, and someone wrongs that child in a way that is unimaginable. I pray you never know how that feels.” Mamm could hardly catch her breath. “If I’ve handled it badly, Emily, I’m sorry. I thought that if I made things as cheery as possible around here, that if we didn’t talk about it, that maybe you would heal. Not forget, but be able to move forward.” Mamm took a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Emily.”

Emily ran to her mother’s arms, sobbing as she sidestepped broken dishes. “I’m sorry, Mamm. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I just didn’t think you understood or cared, and I needed to talk about it. I can never get married and have children, and my whole life changed on that one night, and—”

Her mother pushed her from her arms. “Emily, is that what you think? That you can never get married and have children? The doctors said there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to have all the kinner you want. Why would you say such a thing?”

Emily hung her head and cried. “I’m not pure anymore, or worthy of a husband.”

Mamm clutched tightly to Emily’s arms. “Look at me,” she said sternly. “Emily Detweiler, you listen to me. You are worthy of any man’s love, and any man would be blessed to have you as his fraa. Do you hear me? What happened to you was not your fault, and no man worthy of your affections will think any less of you.” She pulled Emily into her arms. “My dear baby girl, I’m so sorry we didn’t talk sooner. I’m so sorry you’ve had these thoughts.”

Emily clung tightly to her mother and cried, and she stayed in her mother’s arms until both of them could contain their sobbing.

When they finally separated, head. “I love you so much.”Mamm pushed back a strand of Emily’s hair away from her face. Then she kissed her fore

“I love you too, Mamm.”

“I guess instead of spilling all my emotions to Lillian and trying to hide them from you, I should have just talked with you, been there for you, and listened to you, and—”

Emily tensed up. “What do you mean . . . talked to Lillian?”

“When I told Lillian about what happened to you, it—”

Emily jumped back, pieces of china crushing beneath her black tennis shoes. “You told Lillian?”

“She was very understanding, Emily, and at the time, I thought it was better to vent my emotions to her, instead of you. It was gut to have a friend, and I thought I was sparing you.” Mamm shook her head, but it was all coming together for Emily. “I know better now.”

“Does Lillian know about—about the . . .” Emily’s heart was thumping against her chest.

“Ya, and I know—”

Emily backed away. “Mamm, how could you? How could you tell Lillian about this?”

No wonder David keeps pulling away from me. He knows. He knows what happened. He does think I am unworthy! Why else would he kiss me, then apologize . . . more than once?

“Emily, Lillian has become a gut friend to me. I didn’t think you would mind me telling her.”

Emily dried her eyes with her sleeve. She’d upset her mother enough for one day, but there was something she needed to know. “Can I use the buggy?”

“Emily, are you all right? I’m sorry if I betrayed a confidence. That wasn’t my intention.”

Mamm looked so frail that Emily just shook her head. “No, it’s okay.”

“Where do you need to go?” Mamm reached for a tissue from the box on the counter. She handed one to Emily, then dabbed one on her eyes.

“I just want to go for a drive. Some time by myself. Or . . .” Emily paused. “Do you need me to help start supper?”

Mamm shook her head as she eyed the broken china on the floor. “No, you go ahead.”

Emily hugged her mother. “Do you want me to help you clean this up first?”

Mamm grinned. “No. I’m the one who threw dishes on the floor like a crazy person. I’ll clean it up.”

“I won’t be late. It might be after dark, but I won’t go far.”

Mamm nodded.

Etion for why David was treating her this way. As if he really cared about her one minute, then didn’t want anything to do with her the next. Emily knew David worked at the furniture store until six in the evening, and it had been almost six when she’d left her house.MILY DIDN’T KNOW Lillian all that well, but she had to know if Lillian had talked to David. If Lillian had told him what happened to her. That seemed the only logical explana

After securing the horse and buggy outside the Stoltzfuses’, she hurried to the door and knocked. When no one answered, she started to knock again but stopped when she thought she heard a woman crying. She leaned closer to the door. It is a woman crying.

Emily wasn’t sure whether to knock again and maybe offer her help, or mind her own business and head back down the stairs. While she was debating, the door opened.

Lillian gave her a small smile. “Hi, Emily.” Though she didn’t look like she’d been crying, she wasn’t her normal bubbly self either. “Come on in.”

She opened the screen door, then pushed the front door wide. “You know Katie Ann, right?”

Emily nodded and knew right away that she’d come at a bad time. It was obvious that Katie Ann had rubbed her eyes raw in an effort to clear the tears. “Hello, Katie Ann.” She turned to Lillian. “I can come back another time. I—I just wanted to talk to you.”

Katie Ann stood up from where she was sitting on the couch. “No, I was just leaving.”

Lillian walked over and hugged her sister-in-law, then whispered something in her ear. When Katie Ann eased away, Emily could see the tears building in her eyes. “I love you too,” she heard Katie Ann say.

After Katie Ann closed the door behind her, Emily took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Lillian. It looks like I came at a bad time.”

Lillian waved off the comment. “Katie Ann will be okay. She is stronger than she thinks, and the love of family will get her through this.” Lillian scowled. “But I’m so upset with Ivan, I’d like to just kick him in both his shins.” She paused and let out a breath. “I was about to start supper. Do you mind if we talk in the kitchen?”

“Lillian, this is a bad time. We can talk another day.”

“Nonsense. All I’m going to do is thaw some soup on the stove, so once I get it out of the freezer and warming in the pot, I’m all ears. Samuel is bathing, and Anna and Elizabeth are busy upstairs playing. I had just checked on them before you arrived. Come on.”

Emily followed Lillian into the kitchen. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Nope. Just have a seat at the table, and I’m going to make my family think I worked all day on this.” Lillian giggled as she pulled a plastic container from the freezer, then retrieved a pot from one of the blue cabinets that lined the kitchen. “Don’t you love these cabinets? A successful day is when one of them doesn’t fall off the hinges.” She turned to Emily and grinned. “So what do you need to talk to me about?” Lillian ran warm water over the container until the contents started to loosen, and Emily began to question why she was even here—how she was going to get past her own embarrassment to find out if Lillian had said anything to David about what happened to her.

Emily opened her mouth to speak, but just blew out a heavy sigh.

Lillian turned her head and looked at her for moment, then turned to the stove and lit the burner under her soup. A moment later she took a seat across from Emily and asked, “What’s bothering you, Emily?”

“I want to ask you something, but I don’t know how.” She hung her head and avoided Lillian’s eyes.

Lillian reached over and put her hand on top of Emily’s, which were folded on the table. “Honey, not much shocks me. Remember, I was Englisch many years ago. Has something happened? I know you’re in your rumschpringe.”

“No, no. It’s nothing like that. I’ve already made up my mind to be baptized in the spring.”

Lillian raised her brows and waited.

Emily pulled her hands out from under Lillian’s, rested her elbows on the table, then cupped her face with her hands. She took a few deep breaths, then folded her hands on the table again. “Mamm said she told you about—about what happened to me.” She kept her head down.

Once again, Lillian put a hand over Emily’s. “Ya. And I am so sorry, Emily. My heart breaks for you.”

“I never should have lied to my parents.” She shook her head as she spoke. “I should have just gone to my onkel’s party and never gone out with James.”

Lillian pulled back her hand and sat up taller. “James? You knew your attacker? I got the impression from your mother that you didn’t know who assaulted you.”

Emily’s heart began to thud against her chest. She’d made a horrible mistake. “Oh no.” She blinked back tears. “I shouldn’t have said that. Oh no.” She shook her head. “Mamm doesn’t know that I know. Please don’t tell, Lillian. Please don’t tell. That’s not what I came here to talk to you about. Are you going to tell? I don’t want anyone to know.” Emily knew she was rambling. She finally locked eyes with Lillian.

“Honey, this James person deserves to be punished. Do you want him doing this to someone else?”

Emily shook her head.

“Someone who can dish out that kind of abuse will do it again and again.” Lillian paused. “I know about this firsthand, Emily. Before I was married to Samuel, before I found the Lord, I lived with a man who was . . . abusive.” She looked away for a moment, then back at Emily. “I’m not saying that he did anything as severe as what happened to you, but it was clear to me that he wasn’t going to change.”

“Please don’t tell mei mamm that I know who did this. I’d snuck out of the house, and I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been. Maybe it was my fault that—”

Lillian waved her finger in front of Emily’s face. “No. Don’t say that. It was not your fault. As women, we have the right to say no at any time, and I’m sure this Englisch boy was probably a smooth talker, and you are in your rumschpringe, and—”

“He wasn’t Englisch.” Emily looked away as shame overtook her.

“What?” Lillian tapped the table with her hand a couple of times until Emily looked at her. “Are you telling me the person who raped you is Amish? Was it someone in your community?”

Emily nodded.

Lillian spouted out a word Emily had never heard before, an Englisch word Emily suspected the bishop wouldn’t approve of. “Sorry. I should know better than to say that. I’m just shocked.”

“See? It would have been an upset for everyone if I’d told.”

Lillian pointed a finger at Emily again. “Emily, there are good seeds and bad seeds in every walk of life. Even Amish. You need to prosecute that boy.” She sucked in a breath.

“Lillian . . .” Emily cringed. “Can we please forget I mentioned this? It’s not even what I came to talk to you about. It just slipped out, about James. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

Lillian covered her face with her hands, shook her head, and made an odd groaning sound. When she looked up, she frowned. “You are putting me in a very bad predicament with your mother. Over the past few weeks, we’ve become close. ing it from her. I’m going to pray, Emily, that you will do the right thing and have this boy face his punishment for what he did to you. Maybe, just maybe, he will get some help, and this won’t happen to someone else.” Lillian jumped up when her soup started to sizzle in the pot. She stirred it, then adjusted the fire underneath it.Gut friends. I don’t like knowing this information and keep

When she sat back down, her eyes met Emily’s. “Just think about it, Emily.” They sat quietly for a moment. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I guess it’s kind of about this same thing.” Emily bit her bottom lip. “Did you tell David about what happened to me?”

“No. I didn’t. Why?”

“We—we’ve gotten close. I mean, as friends and all, and I was just wondering . . .”

Lillian smiled. “He talks about you all the time. He doesn’t realize it, but he does. I think he has fallen for you over the past few weeks.”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat. “I like him a lot too.”

“I think the two of you make a darling couple. I really do.

David is a gut person, a wonderful person. I’m blessed to be his stepmother.”

“Oh no. We’re not a couple.” Emily shook her head, then shrugged. “I don’t think I’m worthy to be a fraa, after what happened and all.”

“Oh, that’s rubbish.” Lillian slammed a hand down on the table. “Don’t you think like that, Emily Detweiler.”

“That’s what Mamm said.” Emily felt comforted knowing that Lillian agreed with her mother. “But then . . .”

“What is it, Emily?”

“Every time David and I start to get closer, as more than just friends, he pulls away. He’s kissed me a couple of times, and . . .”

Lillian gasped as a smile filled her face. “Really! That’s great, Emily. David didn’t really date when we were in Lancaster County. We always wondered why, but maybe he was just waiting for the right girl.” She winked at Emily.

“But, Lillian, David has made it very clear to me that he doesn’t want anything more than friendship. In the beginning, that’s all I wanted, and all I felt I deserved. But things started to change, and I began to hope for more.”

“Of course you would hope for more.” Lillian grinned. “David is a great guy.”

“Then I wonder why he keeps pushing me away if you didn’t tell him about what happened to me. I thought maybe he was attracted to me and liked me, but then he didn’t want to get too close to me because I am not fit for marriage, which I completely understand.”

Lillian leaned toward Emily and spoke in a low, soft voice. “Emily. You have got to stop thinking like that. You are perfectly fit for marriage. So stop those thoughts. Now as for David . . .” She leaned back against her chair. “First of all, he is not the kind of person who would think like that. David loves deeply and he doesn’t judge. As for him getting close to you, then pushing you away . . . well, that is confusing.” Lillian tapped her finger to her chin. “But I’m gonna find out why.”

“Lillian, no. Maybe you better not say anything.”

Lillian arched her brows high. “Look here, missy. I can only keep so many secrets for you. I won’t tell your mother that you know your attacker, because I’m going to trust that you will do the right thing. However, David’s standoffish behavior bothers me. Of course his father and I want him to marry and have a family of his own. If something is bothering him, I want to know.”

“I understand. But he’ll know we talked.”

“Might as well find out what’s going on in that boy’s head.” Lillian got up and stirred her soup again.

Emily felt sick to her stomach. This entire visit had been one big mistake. First, she’d blurted out about James, and even though Lillian’s advice made sense, she didn’t see how she’d ever face that situation. And now David would think she’s a whiny schoolgirl, crying to his stepmother and asking why he doesn’t like her.

“Emily, I can see the wheels in your head spinning at full speed. Don’t worry, okay?”

Emily nodded, but she was consumed with worry.

DAVID WAITED UNTIL the buggy pulled out of his driveway. He strained to see who it was. Emily? It was dark, but as she passed by him, it sure looked like her.

He hurried to stable his horse and get into the house. “Was that Emily?”

“Ya.” Lillian pointed upstairs. “When you go wash up, can you round up Anna and Elizabeth . . . and your father? He should be through bathing. I told him he was too filthy to sit down to supper without a bath first.” Lillian smiled as she carried a pot to the middle of the table. “He’s working very hard to make this a nice home for us. He spent all day outside making repairs to the haus.”

“What was Emily doing here?”

“She came to talk to me.”

David stood still in the kitchen and waited for more, but Lillian just swooshed her hand in his direction. “Go, go. Wash up and bring the crew down with you before this soup gets cold.”

David frowned, but he did as she asked.

After supper, his father retired to the den to read the Bible to the girls, and David did the unexpected. He helped Lillian clean up in the kitchen.

“So, what did Emily want?” He started to clear the plates from the table.

“I figured there was some reason you were helping me in the kitchen.” Lillian turned to face him, a grin on her face as she filled the sink with soapy water.

“Was it anything about—about me?”

“As a matter of fact, it was.”

David placed a stack of plates on the counter beside Lillian.

“Are you going to make me beg?”

Lillian tapped a finger to her chin. “Hmm . . . maybe.” She lifted the plates and put them in the water. “I’ll wash. You dry.”

David grabbed a rag from the drawer. “Deal.”

“Seems the two of you are really gut friends.”

“Ya. I guess so.”

“You talk about her a lot too.”

David reached for a plate in the drain. “No, I don’t.”

“Ach, but you do.” Lillian turned to him and smiled. “I like Emily a lot. If you are dating her, or wanted to date her, your father and I would be thrilled about that. We’ve become close with their family since we moved here, mostly Vera and me, but your father seems to like Elam, too, even though he’s only been around him a few times.” Lillian paused, handed him a plate. “And Anna and Elizabeth love playing with Betsy.”

“We’re not dating.” David was getting irritated that Emily would talk to Lillian about them.

“Why? She’s lovely, and she really seems to like you. A lot.”

His irritation eased up. “Really? What did she say?”

Lillian shrugged. “Not that much, really. Just that the two of you are friends. But . . .” Lillian grinned. “She said that you’ve kissed her. More than once.”

David could feel his face reddening with a combination of embarrassment and mild anger.

“Oh, don’t be mad that she told me. She’s just confused. Emily said that every time the two of you start to get close, you pull back. And David, you did the same thing in Lancaster County every time a girl showed interest in you.” Lillian lifted her shoulders, dropped them slowly. “I can’t help but be curious why.”

“If Emily wants to know how I feel, maybe she should just ask me, and not run to my stepmother.”

“David, don’t be mad. If I was Emily, I would be confused too. If you are attracted to her, kissing her, spending time with her, then why don’t you want to move forward?”

David stowed a dry plate in the cabinet, set the dish towel down, and put his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe you have to ask me that.”

Lillian frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You, of all people, should know why I don’t plan on getting close to any woman. Actually, mei daed would have a better understanding about this.”

“I’m lost.” Lillian turned toward the den. “Samuel! Can you come in here, please?”

“Lillian, I really don’t want to talk about this now.”

His father walked into the kitchen. “How many people does it take to clean this kitchen?” He smiled, but his smile faded when he saw the scowl on David’s face. “What’s going on?”

“David seems to think that we, or mostly you, should know why he doesn’t want to get close to a woman. Do you want to enlighten me?” Lillian went back to scrubbing another plate.

David’s father shrugged. “Maybe he hasn’t found the right one.” He paused. “Is this about the Detweiler girl? The two of you sure have been spending a lot of time together.”

“Just because we spend time together and we’re friends, that doesn’t mean that I have to date her. I have no interest in dating her!” David walked away from his dish-drying duties and stared out the window into the darkness. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about this.”

“You said your father would understand.” Lillian turned off the water and turned around about the same time David did.

David took a step closer to his father and Lillian. “I remember real well how upset Daed was when Mamm died. I didn’t think he would ever get over it.” He saw Lillian look down. “But then he was blessed to find you, Lillian.” Lillian looked back up at him and smiled slightly. “Why, knowing what I know, would I ever marry someone, possibly even have kinner, only to leave them in a few years?”

Lillian stepped forward, her eyes clouded with confusion. “Why would you leave them? If you’re talking about Ivan, David, you are nothing like your onkel. We know you would never do anything like that.”

David shook his head in frustration. “I’m not talking about Ivan!” He cut his eyes back and forth between his father and Lillian. “I heard you talking five years ago. I heard you say that I’ll be doing gut to live five or ten years.”

“What?” Lillian glanced at Samuel.

David rolled his eyes and huffed. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. After I had my kidney transplant, I overheard you and Daed talking. You were crying and said I’d only be twenty-five in ten years when my kidney could give out. Why would I marry someone, father kinner, then drop dead and leave them all to fend for themselves? I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I saw you, Daed!” David faced off with his father. “You were destroyed when Mamm died. I’m never doing that to anyone! Especially Emily, because I think she has been hurt enough.”

Lillian touched his arm. “David, you need to listen to us. Whatever you heard, you misunderstood.”

David jerked away from her. “No. I don’t think so. You said that my kidney might only last five to ten years, and then you started crying and said I’d only be twenty-five in ten years. I heard you, Lillian.”

“You watch the way you speak to Lillian, David.” His father stepped forward. “You watch your tone. I will explain this to you.”

David stood there, looking at the floor and shaking his head.

“What you heard was that a kidney can last only five to ten years. Sometimes they fail. But even if that happens, you can have another transplant. And sometimes a kidney can last for much longer than that. You haven’t been handed a death sentence, David, but a gift . . . a chance to live a full life. You’ve never had any problem with the kidney Uncle Noah gave you. Every time you go to the doctor for a checkup, he’s impressed with how well you are doing.”

David shuffled his feet, unable to look at either of them and embarrassed that perhaps he had misunderstood part of his diagnosis for all these years. He lifted his eyes to his father. “But it could fail.”

“Ya, it could.” His daed stepped closer and put a hand on David’s shoulder. “But you can’t live your life in fear of that, David. Trust in the Lord to keep you healthy. Why do you think we invest in all these medications? That’s what keeps your kidney functioning the way it’s supposed to.”

David’s stomach rolled. The word invest caused an instant speculation. “What do you mean, invest?”

His father pulled his hand from David’s shoulder, then waved it in the air. “That was a poor choice of words.”

“Exactly how much do all those pills I take cost?”

Lillian dried her hands on her apron. “It doesn’t matter, David. They are necessary, and your father is right. Your kidney is doing great. There’s no reason for you not to live a perfectly normal, happy life. I’m so, so sorry if you misunderstood when you heard us talking.”

“You were crying.” David turned to Lillian.

“Ya, I was.” Lillian let out a heavy breath. “Even the thought of losing you at a young age is upsetting, David, but in your case, it is highly unlikely. You are doing great!”

“I’m going to go take a bath.” David turned to leave.

“David.”

He swung around at the sound of his father’s sharp tone.

“Ya?”

“Life is just risky. You never know what might happen. We can’t live in fear of the unknown, and we must trust that God’s will shall be done.”

“I do trust God’s will. And if it’s His will that my kidney shouldn’t last, I won’t put anyone through that. I’m not getting married. Ever.”

As David marched up the stairs, he thought about all the medications he was taking and what it must be costing.

Is that why we moved?

His heart sank at the thought.

Sixteen

EMILY GLANCED AT DAVID, WHO STOOD ON THE OTHER side of Martha several feet away. Ever since she’d spoken to Lillian, Emily was clear in her mind that David just didn’t care enough about her to pursue anything more than friendship. He didn’t know about her attack, so that wasn’t his reason. Emily figured he liked her, cared for her . . . just not enough.

“I cannot believe we are having a funeral for a bird,” Jacob whispered in Emily’s ear.

“Be quiet. This is important to Martha.” Emily straightened as she waited for the funeral to begin. A lovely spot beneath a large oak tree in Martha’s backyard had been chosen as the final resting place. Arnold had arrived early, like Emily, and he had already dug the grave and cleared the snow in an area large enough for everyone to gather. The temperature was unseasonably warm, almost forty degrees, and the sun shone bright.

Jacob leaned closer to Emily again as more people gathered around. “Why is there a nun here?”

“She’s a friend of Mr. Becker’s. Her name is Sister Catherine from the Catholic church in Alamosa. It was either her or Bishop Esh, and I wasn’t about to ask Bishop Esh to offer prayers for a bird’s memorial service. We haven’t lived here that long. He’d think I was crazy, no?”

The elderly nun walked over to where Emily was standing, her face solemn but a hint of amusement showed in the wrinkles around her eyes. “When Arnold asked me to do this, I was certainly willing. But I must tell you, I’ve never led prayer for a deceased bird. I’m not even sure what to say.”

“Just say Elvis was nineteen years old,” Emily told her. “He has been Martha’s companion—don’t say pet—for nineteen years. He was a wonderful friend.” Emily shrugged. “I don’t know, Sister Catherine. Something like that, I guess. Danki for doing this.”

Sister Catherine returned to her place next to Martha, who was dressed in all black: knee-length dress, a long overcoat, gloves, and a hat with a chest-length veil in front. Both hands were filled with tissues, and she alternated blowing her nose and dabbing her eyes. Arnold was at her side.

Emily glanced around at all those present. Both her parents, Jacob and Beth Ann, Levi, Betsy, all of the Stoltzfuses except Katie Ann, and Arnold. It was the best Emily could do, and Martha seemed pleased.

Emily’s father stood on Emily’s right. “What exactly are they burying that bird in?” Daed had cupped his hand around his mouth to keep his voice from carrying.

“It’s a gold-plated casket that Martha picked out for Elvis.”

“I’m not surprised. She can afford it,” her father said with a light chuckle, although Emily didn’t understand why he would say that. Martha’s home was larger than most in the community, but she seemed to live a fairly modest life. She drove an old automobile, and her clothes weren’t all that fancy. Of course, Emily had certainly been surprised when she saw the bird’s casket, complete with a purple, velveteen lining.

Jacob leaned close to her other ear. “I think Martha should have chosen a closed casket. That bird is looking a little rough.”

“Be quiet, Jacob.” Emily stomped her foot lightly. “Have some respect.”

“It’s a bird, Emily.”

Emily ignored him. She could feel David’s eyes on her, but she was afraid to look his way. She was wondering if Lillian told him about their conversation, as she’d said she would. She’d probably told David everything Emily had said—how much she liked him, how she didn’t understand why he was so standoffish. The thought just embarrassed Emily to death. She also couldn’t help but wonder if Lillian explained Emily’s true intentions to David, how the only reason she’d asked is because she felt unworthy after her attack. Now she wondered again, did David know about what had happened to her?

She sighed and reckoned none of it mattered anyway. David hadn’t known about her attack before Emily talked to Lillian, so that part of the equation never played a part in him not wanting to be more than friends. But every time she recalled the kisses they’d shared, her heart filled with regret. She glanced his way, and he discreetly pointed a finger at her.

“I need to talk to you later,” he mouthed.

She nodded as her heart filled with dread. He was upset with her for talking to Lillian about their personal business. She didn’t really blame him.

Sister Catherine cleared her throat. “We are all gathered here to pay our final respects to Elvis.” She glanced at Emily, as if needing some encouragement. Emily nodded in her direction. “Elvis was Martha’s favorite pet.”

Emily cringed. I told you not to say pet. She looked at Martha, who’d abruptly stopped crying. The scowl on her face was frightening.

“Elvis was much more than a pet, though. He was Martha’s friend, her companion, for nineteen years.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief and was glad to see Martha’s expression soften a little bit beneath the thin black veil. Martha shoved the tissues from one hand to the other, then she reached for Arnold’s hand. It was sweet the way they seemed to have found each other in the second half of their lives. Emily glanced at David again. He was staring at her, and it made her very uncomfortable.

“Elvis was—was loved by all, and—and I know we will all miss him.”

Emily elbowed Jacob when he started to chuckle.

“Who got all these flowers?” Emily’s father whispered in her ear as he nodded to the dozen or so arrangements surrounding the small hole where Elvis would be put to rest.

“I know it’s not our way, the flowers, but it’s the Englisch way. I guess Martha and Arnold got the flowers. I really don’t know,” Emily answered in a whisper.

Martha plucked two red roses from a nearby floral arrangement and placed them on top of Elvis’s body. She narrowed her eyes at Arnold, who quickly did the same. Then her eyes shot directly to Emily. When Emily didn’t respond right away, Martha flipped her veil up, a frown on her face. Emily closed the gap between her and Martha, plucked two roses from a nearby vase, and walked toward the casket. She nodded at her mother, who was standing on the other side of her father. With much hesitancy, the entire crowd slowly retrieved flowers and placed them on top of Elvis until you couldn’t even see him, which Emily thought was a good thing.

Martha watched as Arnold closed Elvis’s casket, then lowered the bird into his grave. Everyone stayed until the casket was covered with dirt and Martha faced the crowd and said, “Now, let’s eat!”

Emily grinned. Some things about Martha were exactly the same. As it should be.

Martha walked over to Emily and pointed a painted fingernail in her direction. “I hope you had one of your people bring creamed celery, like I asked you to.”

Emily nodded. “Ya, Mamm made it fresh this morning.”

After the meal and clean up, people began to disburse to their buggies, and Emily took a peek out the window to see if David had come in a separate buggy from his family. Yep.

She rounded the corner from the kitchen to the den to ask her mother if they were ready to go, and as fate would have it, she bumped right into David.

“You ready?”

“Where are we going?”

“To have a talk.”

Emily couldn’t read his expression. “Are you going to yell at me about something?”

He grinned. “Why, have you done something bad?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t think so at the time, but now I’m not sure.”

“Tell your folks you’re going for a ride with me.” David reached for his coat, which was laid across the back of the couch.

Emily leaned closer and whispered, “Are you sure? Someone might think we’re dating, and we don’t want that.”

He scowled, then headed out the door.

Emily found her mother, begged her not to make a big deal out of the ride with David, then found her own coat and bonnet. She walked outside and was still buttoning her coat when David opened the door for her to crawl into the buggy.

He didn’t say anything until they were on the main road. “That was a first for me. A bird funeral.”

Emily smiled, but her insides churned. “Me too.”

“Don’t look so scared, Emily. I’m not going to scold you about anything.”

Emily didn’t look at him. “You’re mad because I talked to Lillian, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not mad. I’m just wondering why you didn’t talk to me instead.”

She bit her bottom lip and didn’t say anything.

David took the next right, then pulled into the driveway of what appeared to be an abandoned home. “No one lives here, so this will be a gut place to talk.” He parked the buggy, then turned to face her. “Emily . . . I like you.” He waited a few moments, then added, “A lot.”

Emily looked down at her lap, knowing her cheeks were bright red, and her heart was thumping much too fast. David cupped her chin and gently raised her head until their eyes were locked. “And, ya, Lillian did tell me that you are wondering why I can’t move forward, even though I care about you. A lot. It wouldn’t be fair to you, and I don’t want to hurt you any more than you’ve already been hurt.” He glanced at her scar, and she reached for it. He grabbed her hand in midair, then intertwined his fingers with hers. As he’d done in the past, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I do care about you. Very much.”

Emily’s mind was alive with thoughts and speculations. If Lillian hadn’t told David about her attack, then someone must have. It was the only thing that made sense. She was good enough to be friends with, to sneak kisses with here and there, but not good enough to date or pursue for possible marriage. She pushed him away, then opened the door and got out of the buggy.

She walked briskly across the packed snow, knowing she was about to cry, the sunlight blinding her on the way. There was an abandoned home to her right and two barns to her left. She just kept walking, not sure which way to turn, where to look, what to do. It wasn’t long before she felt David wrap an arm around her waist. He spun her around to face him. “Are you going to let me finish?”

She pushed him away. “I don’t need you to finish! I already know what you’re going to say. I’m gut enough to be your friend, David! And you like me . ..” Tears began to stream down her face, and she covered her face with her hands. “But I’m not gut enough to date. I’m not gut enough to ever consider a future with because I’m ruined for marriage.” She dropped to her knees in the snow. “That man robbed from me everything that a husband should expect to have in a fraa. He stole from me! I knew you’d find out, so you see . . .” She looked up at David but saw only a watery image of his face. “I already know, David.” She sat back on her heels and hung her head. “I know why you don’t want to be with me.” Her shoulders drooped. “So let’s both stop pretending you don’t know.”

David knelt down beside her, then reached one arm under her legs and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He lifted her up with ease, and she buried her head in his chest and sobbed. Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice. He carried her all the way to one of the old barns, kicked open the door, and bent over to set her on an old bench against the wall. Kneeling in front of her, he reached over and brushed away her tears with his thumbs. Then he kissed her, more tenderly than he ever had in the past, cupping the back of her neck.

“You don’t know anything, Emily Detweiler.” He brushed away loose strands of hair from her face as she tried to catch her breath. “I fell for you a long time ago. And it didn’t take me long at all to figure out what must have happened to you.” He kissed her on the tip of her nose. “And your thoughts are all wrong.” David stopped touching her and dropped his hands to his sides. He looked down, his fists clenched. “I’ve prayed to keep away the thoughts I have about whoever did this to you.” He looked up at her. “But Emily, I don’t think any less of you. I just hate that someone hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

Emily sniffled. “Then why don’t you want to date me?” It was bold, but she wanted to know. Am I not pretty enough? Not smart enough?

“I don’t want to date anyone.” He took a deep breath. “But you are making it very hard for me to stick to that.”

“Please talk to me, David. Please.” This time it was Emily who reached up and cupped his cheek. “Please.”

He grabbed her hand and pushed it closer to his face, then he closed his eyes. When he opened them, she felt hopeful that she would finally know what was going on inside his head, but when she saw his eyes glaze with tears, she wasn’t sure. She pulled him into a hug, and for what seemed like forever, they just held each other.

“Five years ago I had a kidney transplant.”

Emily eased away from him, looked into his eyes, and waited. The smell of old hay filled her nostrils and sunrays shone through a small window to her left. Aside from the bench, some scrap wood, and a few rusty tools, the barn was empty. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

David spent the next hour explaining his operation to her, how his shunned uncle had given him a kidney and had been welcomed back into the family, and how he’d feared he wouldn’t live a full life.

“It wasn’t until yesterday, when I talked to Daed and Lillian, that I realized that maybe I misunderstood some things.”

“So . . . there’s no reason why you won’t live to be an old man.” Emily smiled.

“I prayed about it a lot last night, and I’ve decided that I must accept whatever is God’s will.” He paused, frowned. “But someone else shouldn’t have to take the risk that my kidney might fail in five or ten years.”

Emily looked down and whispered, “I would give you one of mine.” She looked up in time to see David blink back a tear.

“There’s one other problem, though.”

Emily waited, thinking that they had already covered quite a bit of ground in the land of troubles. What else could there possibly be?

“I have a feeling that my medications are putting a hardship on my family. I’m even wondering if maybe that’s why we moved. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me now. We all loved Lancaster County.” He paused. “I was planning to go back there as soon as I saved enough money, but the sacrifices my family made for me . . . well, it makes me want to stay here and help my family build that old place into something really nice. Lillian and the girls deserve that. I even thought about not taking the medicines—”

Emily grabbed his arms. “You can’t do that! You said you need the medicines to live!”

“I know. I know. And it would be like suicide, wrong in the eyes of God. So, instead, I’m going to work extra hours at the furniture store and help my father as much as I can to ready our home. This is where I belong.”

Emily bit her bottom lip. “And we’ll continue to be friends?”

David smiled. “Unless you’re willing to take a chance on me being around for a long time?”

She threw her arms around him. “I am.”

When he eased out of the hug, he said, “Emily, I won’t have a lot of time for dating, though. I want to help my father. I said I’d help build the schoolhouse, and some day . . . well, I’d like to be able to have a place of my own. I’m going to have to work really hard.”

“I understand.”

“But I’d be honored to date you, if you’d be interested in doing that.”

Emily smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

VERA WAITED UNTIL everyone had left Martha’s before she walked into the den with the shoebox under her arm. Levi and Betsy had caught a ride home with Jacob and Beth Ann, Arnold had taken Sister Catherine back to the convent, and Elam was sitting on the front porch waiting for Vera to “do the dirty deed,” as he called it.

“Martha?” Vera approached Martha, who sat very still in her chair. She was still dressed in her mourning clothes, but she did have her black lace veil pushed back over the top of her hat. “I need to give this back to you.” She pushed the box toward Martha. “We cannot accept something like this.”

Martha rolled her eyes, which Vera thought was very rude.

“Why would you give us a box of money for Christmas?”

Martha scratched her nose, then sniffed. “You folks have everything I don’t have. Faith. Hope. Love. Family.” She raised her brows. “And I have something you don’t have. More money than I’ll ever need in the lifetime I got left.” She shrugged. “I thought it might help build your schoolhouse.”

Vera gasped, then leaned closer to Martha. “Martha, there’s two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in this box! Exactly how much do you think a one-room schoolhouse for ten children costs?”

Martha sighed. “You don’t want the money?”

Vera stood, indignant. “Of course not. We cannot accept something like that.”

Martha stood up, grabbed the box from her hand, and walked through the kitchen and out onto the porch. Vera followed.

“Hello, Elam,” Martha said as she tossed the box into a blue trash can on the side of the porch. “You can take your wife home now. I need to mourn my loss.”

Martha marched back into the house, Vera on her heels. “Ach, now Martha, you are being ridiculous. You don’t throw away money like that when there are people starving in the world! There are people who can use that money! You’re being ridiculous.”

Martha continued into the den. “Who is being ridiculous?”

Vera stomped her foot. “You are.”

“I gave you the money. You’re the one who couldn’t find a use for it.”

“It’s not an appropriate Christmas gift.”

Martha sat down in her chair, then put her hand to her forehead. “Vera, I’m tired. I buried my best friend today. Go home.”

“Are you going to go get that money out of the trash can?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t feel like it.”

“Martha!”

“Vera!”

“Argh!” Vera stormed out of the house, slamming the door on the way out, only to find Elam with his head buried in the garbage can. “What are you doing?”

He stood up, his eyes wide. “Nothing, dear.”

“Let’s go.” Vera moved toward the buggy.

Elam didn’t move. “Is Martha gonna leave two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for the trash man?”

“I reckon so.”

Elam grabbed the box and tucked it under his arm.

“Put that back, Elam.”

“I will not.” He stood tall, raised his chin. “We might not need this money, but someone can put it to good use. We just have to find that person.”

Vera thought about what Martha said. “I gave you the money. You’re the one who couldn’t find a use for it.”

Then Vera knew what to do with the money.

Seventeen

KATIE ANN SPENT THE MORNING CLEANING HER HOUSE. It wasn’t dirty, but that’s the way Amish women started their day, and somehow she needed to feel like a normal Amish woman. Even if everything was far from normal. She tried to ignore the stomach virus that had plagued her lately. If she was feeling all right when she was done cleaning, she’d go see if Lillian needed help at her house. During the three months since Christmas, Katie Ann had spent a lot of time helping Lillian work on their farmhouse, and it was starting to take shape. Samuel and David had put in new wooden floors, whitewashed the walls, and replaced the cabinets. For Katie Ann, the work kept her busy and her mind off her misery.

She’d also gotten to know her sister-in-law much better, and she babysat Anna and Elizabeth regularly, which she’d enjoyed. Despite what was happening in her marriage, she liked seeing David and Emily’s relationship blossom. David spent the little bit of free time he had with Emily, and Emily often ate meals with them. Prayer combined with time heals, and Katie Ann was getting used to being alone. She’d heard from Ivan twice. She supposed he felt obligated to check on her after so many years of marriage, but he wasn’t the same man she married, and it was a struggle to hide her resentment when she spoke to him. He was in Lancaster County, and she’d heard from others that he was with Lucy, even though he didn’t offer up the information on the phone. She wasn’t surprised.

Then there was the money. It would certainly enable her to open a business, fix up her house, and live out her life here in Canaan. She hadn’t touched one dollar of the money for herself since the box showed up on her doorstep three months ago, not long after Christmas. Lillian and Samuel had also received a mysterious box of money, and like Katie Ann, they had no idea where it came from. Lillian planned to use some of the money to help with David’s prior medical bills and medications, and they’d save the rest for when David started a family of his own, giving him a jump on the medical expenses he’d face for the rest of his life.

She’d tried to give Arnold Becker some of the money for the new schoolhouse, but he refused, saying all the materials had been donated.

Katie Ann thought about the note that was inside the box along with the money. With God’s blessing, start a new life for yourself. She just didn’t know what that life was. But her own money, the little bit Ivan left her, was running out, so she knew she would need to decide soon. For weeks, she’d lost sleep about who would offer her such a generous gift, but she never found out. So she just kept the shoebox under her bed until she could sort things out.

She stowed her broom in the pantry, then stopped to close the window in the kitchen. She’d opened it earlier to air out the room, glad to feel the beginnings of spring, but the air still had a cool edge during the day and near-freezing temperatures at night. Someone knocked on the door, and she walked into the den and opened it to see Martha. She’d gotten to know the Englisch woman over the past few months, and although she was an odd woman, Katie Ann liked her, as did the rest of her family.

“I was sent to let you know that the men are starting on the schoolhouse Saturday. I told Arnold I’d stop by and let you know . . . even though I haven’t heard from Arnold in a couple of days.” Martha scowled before she turned toward Lillian and Samuel’s house. “I knocked on the door over there, but no one is at home. Can you let your kinfolks know too?”

“Of course.” Katie Ann grabbed at her stomach.

Martha folded her arms across her chest and frowned. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Ach, I’m fine. I just seem to have a stomach bug that won’t go away.” Katie Ann grimaced as the nauseated feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.

Martha stared at her for a moment before she said, “Anyway, we’re all going to be there, and we’re planning it like your people do a barn raising—frame it all in one day, put the roof on that evening, then spend the next few Saturdays working on the inside.” Martha took a breath. “All the womenfolk are going to bring food and tea at noon. Even me.” She cackled. “Though history dictates that I should leave the cooking to the others. I’ll just bring the tea.”

“That sounds nice. And ya, I’ll be happy to bring something.” She grimaced again. “I’m sorry, Martha. I hope I’m not being rude, but my stomach is getting worse. I think I best excuse myself.”

Katie Ann didn’t even have time to close the door; she just turned and darted to the bathroom. She barely made it this time, and when she was done, she wiped her mouth, took a deep breath, and promised herself she would make an appointment with the doctor the following day if the nausea didn’t stop by then. When she walked out of the bathroom, Martha was standing in the den with her arms still folded across her chest and a frown on her face.

“Well, that didn’t sound good at all.” Martha walked closer to Katie Ann. “You got fever?”

Katie Ann jumped a bit when Martha roughly slapped her hand to Katie Ann’s forehead. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Just feeling sick to my stomach. Not all the time. Just in the mornings, and sometimes after I eat supper.”

A grin spread across Martha’s face. “Honey, that ain’t no virus.” Martha tipped her head at an angle, then squinted one eye. “How long since your husband’s been gone, and how long since you’ve had your womanly visit?”

“What?”

Martha slapped her hands to her hips. “You know . . . how long since—”

“Ach, that.” Katie Ann stopped Martha before the woman embarrassed her further. “No, I’m not pregnant. Ivan and I tried for many years to have a baby.” She shook her head. “It never happened.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Martha tilted her head to the side and looked up at the ceiling. “He’s been gone about three or four months, that husband of yours.” She scowled at Katie Ann. “Who I think needs a good lashing for what he did to you.” Martha waved a hand in the air. “Anyway, how long has it been since—”

“I don’t know. But I’m sure I’m not pregnant.” Katie Ann tried to recall the last time she’d had a menstrual period. She couldn’t. She’d stopped keeping track of it a long time ago, when she’d reconciled the fact that children were not in her future.

Martha pressed her lips together for a moment. “You’re a bit young to be going through the change.”

This conversation was inappropriate, and Katie Ann felt her cheeks blushing. “I’m sure I’ll be fine, Martha. Tomorrow I’ll go to the doctor, and—” She gasped as she bent at the waist.

A sharp pain jabbed at her abdomen. This felt different than the nausea, and it frightened her.

“Let’s go,” Martha barked. “Whatever is wrong with you, pregnant or otherwise, I’m hauling you to a doctor. So get what you need and let’s go.”

Katie Ann didn’t argue as another pain stabbed at her stomach. Dear Lord, haven’t I been through enough?

IT WAS TWO hours later when the doctor was finally able to see Katie Ann. He gave her a complete examination, drew some blood, and asked her to urinate in a cup. As she waited for someone to return to the small room she was in, the clock ticked loudly on the wall and the sterile surroundings and smell of ammonia made her anxious. But at least her stomach wasn’t cramping any more.

Martha was waiting in the reception area down the hall. Katie Ann was grateful to Martha for bringing her to the doctor, but she felt badly that the woman was spending her afternoon this way. Martha didn’t seem to mind, though. “When else can I catch up on my reading?” she’d said, holding up a magazine.

Katie Ann took a deep breath, blew it out slowly, then folded her hands in her lap. She wasn’t sure whether to go sit in the chair nearby or stay seated at the end of the long examining table. She decided to stay where she was and hoped the doctor would be back soon. Normally, she would seek out a natural doctor, hoping for herbs or a homemade treatment to cure what ailed her, but Martha was insistent that Katie Ann go to an Englisch doctor. And Katie Ann suspected Martha was right in this case. Whatever was going on was more than a common cold or virus.

She heard shuffling outside the closed door and looked up when the doctor walked into the room. He was an older man with gray hair and small green eyes, but when he smiled, his kind features put Katie Ann’s mind at ease.

“Katie Ann, you’re about three and a half or four months pregnant.” His smile grew broader, then he sat down on a small stool and began writing something on a pad of paper. “I want you to take these vitamins I’m prescribing, something a little better than what you can get over the counter.”

He kept writing, but Katie Ann couldn’t breathe. She unfolded her hands and pressed them against her belly. Dr. Morgan raised his brows to her.

“This is your first baby, right? You must be very excited.”

Katie Ann opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out for a few seconds. “Are you sure?” she finally asked.

“Absolutely. And that cramping was due to the stretching of the ligaments in your pelvis. It’s something that happens sometimes—usually during the first trimester—but you’re not too far past that. We’re going to keep a close eye on you, though.”

A baby? She couldn’t wait to tell Ivan as soon as—

Her heart sank, knowing that she’d dreamed of this moment her entire life and fantasized about the look on Ivan’s face when he heard her speak the words, Ivan, we’re going to have a baby.

But no one would be home to hear the news. And her husband was sharing his life with another woman.

“I want you to come back next week.” The doctor handed her the slip of paper. “Just to make sure everything is all right, and we’ll do an ultrasound at that time.” He paused. “Do you know what that is?”

Katie Ann nodded. She was with Lillian when the doctor suggested her sister-in-law have an ultrasound during her second pregnancy.

“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Morgan stood up from the stool and walked closer.

Ya, I have a million questions. “No,” she answered.

The doctor congratulated her before he left the room. Katie Ann sat there for a few moments, fighting the urge to question God’s timing. She touched her stomach again with both hands and wondered how she was going to do this alone, at her age.

Ting a child on her own. Martha was hesitant to leave Katie Ann, but when Lillian showed up, she headed back to her house. Martha recalled her own desire to have children, but she’d lost one in miscarriage and was never able to conceive again. And she’d had Herbert back then. Poor Katie Ann was all by herself. Martha folded her arms across her chest as she thought about her own life.HAT EVENING MARTHA kicked her shoes off and poured herself into her recliner. She was relieved that Katie Ann was going to be all right, but the poor woman was a mess—thrilled to be pregnant a little late in life and scared to death to be rais

She was more than a little peeved that she hadn’t heard from Arnold for the past two days. They always ate dinner together on Wednesday nights. She’d slap something frozen in one of her own casserole dishes, heat it up, and Arnold would go on and on about how great it was, even though they both knew it originated from a box in the freezer section of the grocery store. She’d called him several times, and each time she’d gotten his answering machine. And today was Wednesday.

She glanced over at Elvis’s cage, knowing she needed to move it out of the living room, but sometimes she could almost see and hear her precious Elvis singing and talking to her, and she just wasn’t quite ready yet. She settled into the chair, crossed her legs, and thought about the money she’d given Vera. It had been impulsive, and she really hadn’t a clue if Vera and her family needed any money, but Martha sure didn’t need it. She was at a loss that day about what to give the Detweilers for Christmas, so she figured a quarter million bucks oughta do it. She’d about fallen over when Herbert died and the attorney said they had millions in the bank.

Martha had given away a lot of it over the years, but she’d about run out of good causes in the area, so she thought maybe the Amish might put some to good use. She smiled, knowing she’d been right. Katie Ann told Martha about a mysterious box of money showing up at her front door.

“Who would do such a thing?” Katie Ann had asked on the way home from the doctor’s office.

Martha had merely shrugged. A true gift is one that comes from the heart, one you don’t need credit for. She’d learned that from going to church with Arnold. “Matthew 6:3–4 (NIV), But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. ”

She sure hoped nothing had happened to Arnold. That old man made her want to be a better person. And while Wednesday was frozen food night, Mondays had been the nights that Arnold talked to her about God and His Son, Jesus.

“Jesus listens to us, Martha,” he said over and over again. “Just talk to Him like you would a friend.”

It frightened her at first, these conversations she seemed to be having with herself. But when she started to really listen, she could hear a voice in her head. She was pretty sure that’s how she knew to give Vera the box of money, that she’d do the right thing.

Seek Me with all your heart.

She’d been hearing that in her head for months, and with each day, she felt like she was growing in the Lord’s love, gaining faith. “I want to spend the rest of my life living the way You want me to live, God,” she’d recently said to Him. “Give me a chance, and I’ll make You proud.”

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

She rose from the recliner and walked to the phone a few feet away. “This better be Arnold Becker calling to explain to me where he’s been and why he isn’t at my house tonight for supper,” she said before she picked up the receiver and said hello, noticing that there was no number on her caller ID.

“Martha, Martha. I’m so sorry.”

Relief flooded over her at the sound of Arnold’s voice. “Where in the world are you? I’ve tried calling, but your machine picks up.”

“I’m in Georgia.”

Martha was quiet for a few moments. “Arnold . . . are you in another state when you are supposed to be in Canaan, Colorado, having lasagna with me tonight?” She kept her voice as calm as a windless sea with enough turbulence hidden below the surface to erupt into a tidal wave if he wasn’t real careful about what he said next.

“I’m sorry, Martha. I hate missing our dinner night.”

Martha scratched her head so hard she knocked her butterfly clip to the floor. “You gonna tell me what you’re doing in Georgia?”

“I’m with my son.”

Martha folded herself back into her recliner. “What son? I thought you didn’t have any children.”

She heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line. “No, I do. Just one son. Benny.”

“I heard you say that you didn’t have any family to speak of that first day I met you.”

“Right—to speak of. I haven’t spoken to Benny for years, since he was a boy. But his wife called me, Martha.” She heard only silence for a few moments; then Arnold spoke. “Benny is sick, and I need to be here right now.”

“Oh. Of course you do.” She thought for a moment. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Pancreatic cancer.”

Martha was quiet. “I’m sorry, Arnold. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. But thank you.” He paused. “I’ve enjoyed our time together, Martha, but I feel a strong calling to stay here and help take care of my son, and to try to make things right between us while I still can.”

There was such sadness in Arnold’s voice that Martha hesitated to ask a question she already knew the answer to. “How long will you be there?”

“I’ve been invited to stay indefinitely, for better or worse. I won’t be coming back. I couldn’t tell you in person. I just couldn’t.”

Martha fought the bitterness rising to the surface, but how could she fault the man for wanting to be with his sick child? “I hope that things go well for you and your son, Arnold.”

“Thank you, Martha.”

They chatted for a few more minutes, and Arnold said he was going to speak with David about completely taking over the schoolhouse project, and he’d already made arrangements to have his things shipped to Georgia. They had just said good-bye when Martha quickly spoke into the receiver.

“Arnold? Are you still there?”

But he’d already hung up. “I’ll be praying for you and your boy,” she whispered to herself as she hung up the phone.

“Lord, I’m trying. I really am,” she said as she walked to the kitchen, then pulled out an almost-burnt container filled with store-bought lasagna. “You said, ‘Seek Me,’ and I did. I’ve opened my heart, and I’ve given money to those in need, like I heard you’re supposed to do. I’ve tried to clean up my act and not be so cranky all the time.” She looked toward the ceiling. “But You took Herbert. Elvis is gone. And now my friend, Arnold.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I don’t understand what it is You want from me.” She sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the pan of food. It seemed fine eating it with Arnold, but right now, it was the most unappealing thing she’d ever laid eyes on.

MARTHA WASN’T FEELING much better the next night. She wiped tears from her eyes when she heard a knock on the door. She knew it wasn’t Arnold, so she didn’t rush to open it.

“Katie Ann. You sick? You all right?” Martha opened the door and stepped aside so Katie Ann could step inside. “Whatcha got there?”

“It’s chicken lasagna. Emily told me it’s your favorite, and I wanted to do something for you, for taking me to the doctor yesterday.” Katie Ann smiled as her eyes watered up. “I might not have a husband, but I’m going to have a baby, and I thank our heavenly Father for that.”

Martha closed the door, then accepted the lasagna from Katie Ann, noticing how much better it smelled than the frozen meal she’d ended up tossing in the trash last night.

“Come on in here, honey. I’ll make us some tea to go with this lasagna.”

Katie Ann shuffled into the kitchen. “Thank you, Martha, but I can’t stay. I’m not hungry and I have much to think about.” The poor woman sniffled, and Martha could tell her mind was on overload. “And danki again for spending so much time with me at the doctor’s office.”

Martha thought for a moment. Maybe they could both use a little company.

And the girl needs to eat. She’s with child.

KATIE ANN SAW Martha bend at the waist and grab her back. “Martha, what’s wrong? Can I do anything for you?”

“No, no, honey. You go on.” Martha eased into a chair as she frowned. “I’m sure I’ll be better soon. It’s just my back.”

“Can I do anything for you before I go? Can I get you a plate from the cabinet or pour you something drink?” Katie Ann sat down in the chair next to Martha and waited. It wasn’t like she had anything to do at home, but she could feel a knot in her throat, and it was exhausting to keep holding back tears. She’d had a good cry the day before, but she was trying to keep her emotions in check. God had blessed her with the miracle of a child after all these years, but she worried how she would manage as a single mother in this unknown place called Canaan.

Martha grimaced again. “That would be nice if you could get me a plate. Might as well get yourself one, too, since you’re staying to tend to me.”

Katie Ann got up and went to the cabinet Martha was pointing to, not realizing she had committed to staying past getting Martha a plate. But if Martha needed tending to, that was the least Katie Ann could do for her since she’d spent hours with her at the doctor. Martha bowed her head in prayer before Katie Ann did and offered a prayer of thanks. Katie Ann dished them each out a small helping of lasagna.

“Arnold’s gone.” Martha stuffed a bite into her mouth, but Katie Ann could see the tears in her eyes.

“What do you mean . . . gone?”

Martha swallowed, then said, “Gone to live with his son in Georgia.” She shook her head. “I didn’t even know he had a son. And now his son is sick, and Arnold wants to be with him.”

“I’m sorry, Martha. I know that you and Mr. Becker had grown to be gut friends. I hope everything will be all right for his son.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Martha seemed far away, and Katie Ann wasn’t sure what to say, so she ate quietly, thinking about her own situation. A baby. The blessing was still sinking in.

“You tell your husband that you’re with child?” Martha scooped up another load of lasagna.

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

That was something Katie Ann had been thinking about since she’d received the news. She wondered if Ivan would feel obligated to come home and be with her and the baby, even though his heart belonged to someone else. She knew she couldn’t live like that. But she felt cheated, that she could never marry again. Lillian and her family, along with the friends she’d made here, would help her with whatever she needed, but it certainly wasn’t the same as having a husband.

“No. I’m not going to tell him,” she finally said. She blinked back tears at the thought. “I don’t want him to be with me just because I’m pregnant.”

“I don’t blame you. Dirty scoundrel.” Martha shook her head.

“I’m just—just worried about taking care of a baby on my own.” She paused as she looked at her plate and picked at her food. “And there’s much for me to do before the baby comes. There’s clothes to be sewn, blankets to be made, and a baby’s room to prepare.” She paused. “I mean, I know folks will help me, but I’m not . . . not young like most women having their first child.”

“Arnold told me that all things happen in God’s time frame.” Martha swallowed, then let out a heavy sigh. “Although . . . I can’t figure out why God would send me Arnold, only to take him away.”

“We don’t always understand His will for us.” Katie Ann knew she didn’t. They were quiet for a few moments as Martha finished her helping of lasagna.

“So, what are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?” Martha took hold of the spatula and piled more lasagna on her plate.

Katie picked at the remainder of her food with one hand. She reached for her belly with the other hand, still hardly able to believe a life was growing inside her. “I always thought that if I had a girl, that I would name her Anna Marie, after my grandmother who died when I was young.”

“And if it’s a boy?” Martha asked with a mouthful.

“Jonas. I would name the baby Jonas, after a very special man that I knew in Lancaster County who died not too long ago.”

Martha swallowed, then stared long and hard at her. “You can’t get married again, can you? Did I hear that somewhere, that Amish folks can’t divorce or remarry?”

Katie Ann put her fork down and took a deep breath. “Ya. That’s right.”

“Well, at my age, I figure Arnold was probably my last shot at another chance.” Martha leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. Katie Ann couldn’t help but notice that her back seemed fine now. “Guess your kinfolk will help you get a baby’s room ready, huh?”

Katie Ann shrugged. “Ya. I’m sure they will help me ready up the room.”

Martha leaned forward a bit and lifted her chin. “But they got their own families to take care of. And at your age—no offense, honey—but you’re going to have to take it easy during this pregnancy.” She paused. “You done eating? I’d like to show you something.”

Katie Ann nodded and stood up when Martha did. “Is your back better now?”

Martha bent slightly and moaned. “Not really, honey. But if you can help me up the stairs, there’s something I’d like for you to see.”

Katie Ann latched onto Martha’s elbow, and slowly they made their way up the stairs.

“I ain’t been up here in a long time. My bedroom is downstairs, and I don’t even use this part of the house.” They eased down the hallway, and Martha pointed to a closed door on the right at the end of the hallway. She stopped, and Katie Ann let go of her elbow. Martha just stood there quietly. “This is a storage room.” She paused. “I never could figure out why I kept some of this stuff. But . . .” She smiled warmly at Katie Ann. “I think I held on to it until I felt it would be in the hands of the right person.” She pushed the door open, then fumbled for the light switch and turned it on.

Katie Ann’s eyes went directly to the vintage cradle in the far corner of the room, a beautiful piece of mahogany furniture with a simple design. Inside was a pastel quilt with yellow, pink, and blue bunnies on it, and a fluffy pillow to match. “Why do you have all of this?”

Martha eased her way around an old suitcase, then stepped over two blue hat boxes. She walked closer and fingered the quilt. “I was pregnant once. Lost the baby.”

“I’m so sorry, Martha.” She searched Martha’s eyes from across the room, but her friend just shrugged.

“It was a long time ago.” Martha picked up the small quilt. “It all needs washing, of course. And I’m sure that cradle could use a new coat of finish, but this was my mother’s cradle, and my cradle, and I thought someday . . .” She looked at Katie Ann. “I’d be honored for you to have it.”

Tears welled in Katie Ann’s eyes. She’d always assumed Ivan would build a cradle for their little one. “Ach, Martha. I couldn’t.” She shook her head.

Martha scowled. “Why? You don’t like it?”

“No, no. I think it’s the most beautiful piece of furniture I’ve ever seen.” Katie Ann went to where Martha was standing, then ran her finger delicately along the frame of the cradle. “But don’t you want to save this for—”

“For what? My children or grandchildren?” She cackled. “Honey, that ain’t looking good for me.” She pulled a sheet off of a nearby piece of furniture. “And here’s the dresser to match.” She paused, lifted her brows. “And ya know what? Herbert had this furniture handmade by an Amish man when I was—was pregnant. It’s perfect for you.”

“Oh, Martha. It is so beautiful,” she said again as she eyed the six-drawer chest with a matching mahogany finish. “Are you sure you are willing to part with it?”

Martha grimaced. “Well, not to just anyone.” She gave her head a taut nod. “But . . . to you. Yes. I’m sure.”

“I will pay you for it, of course.”

“No. It’s a gift.”

Katie Ann smiled. “Martha, I have money.”

Martha chuckled. “So I’ve heard.” She waved her hand in the air. “You keep your money. From what I hear, kids are expensive. Even Amish ones.” Then she walked over to a stack of boxes pushed up against the wall. She pried the flap up on the top one and pulled out a diaper carrier and held it up. “In these boxes is everything you’ll ever need for a baby. Now, I imagine that some of it will be a bit fancy for your taste, but you can pick and choose whatever you’d like.”

Katie Ann watched as Martha pulled out tiny baby gowns, bottles, and everything else necessary for a baby.

“Some of this stuff might be outdated, but you can go through it to see what’s safe and suitable, then we’ll have David come over and haul whatever you want to your place.” Martha crinkled her nose. “These clothes smell a bit musty, so we might want to toss these.”

“I don’t know what to say, Martha.” Katie Ann blinked back tears. “This is so kind of you.”

“We’re going to need to go shopping.” Martha cut her eyes at Katie Ann. “And you shouldn’t be riding in a buggy in your condition. Remember, I said you’re going to need to take it easy. So, on Tuesdays, I’ll take you to town in my car. We’ll load up on those days with everything that I might not have in here.” She waved her arm around the room, and Katie Ann felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“What’s wrong?” Martha put her hands on her hips and frowned.

“I’m going to have a baby.” She jumped as the realization literally kicked. “The baby moved.” Katie Ann laughed aloud. “Martha, I felt the baby move.”

Martha smiled in a way that Katie Ann had never seen her do before. “That must be a wonderful feeling.”

Katie Ann reached for Martha’s hand and placed it against her stomach. They waited, then Martha laughed. “How about that? I felt the little one give a kick.” Martha pulled her hand back, then smiled. “All things happen in God’s time frame.” She paused, twisted her mouth to one side. “I’m starting to understand that.”

Then Martha grabbed Katie Ann and pulled her to the floor with her, and they sat cross-legged as Martha slid boxes toward them. Again, Katie Ann noticed that Martha’s back didn’t seem to be ailing her anymore. “Now, we will go through all of these things, then make a list of what you need. I was wondering what I was going to do without Arnold around.” She looked at Katie Ann and smiled. “Now I know.”

Katie Ann sat quiet for a moment. Her husband was gone. Her parents were far away. Her relatives had family of their own. She wanted someone by her side who would share in this joyous journey with her. She smiled. Sometimes God puts people in our path so unexpectedly, in His time frame.

“Martha, thank you for all you’re doing. For the first time, I’m forgetting about my troubles and looking forward to getting things ready for the baby.” She sat up tall, took a deep breath, and blew it out slowly. “I can do this!”

“Yes, we can!” Martha pulled out a tiny blue gown. “Here’s one for Jonas, if it’s a boy.” She handed it to Katie Ann and kept digging, but Katie Ann reached over and threw her arms around Martha.

“Danki, Martha.” She held tight, and while Martha was stiff as a board, as if she’d never been hugged, she slowly let her hands relax around Katie Ann.

“You’re welcome,” she said softly. Then she quickly pulled away, shrugged, and started digging back through the boxes. “Who knows. Maybe the kid will even call me grandma one day.”

Katie Ann smiled. “I think you can count on it.”

Eighteen

RUMORS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE THAT DAVID WAS going to propose to Emily soon, and while that kept her spirits high, she knew she must close one chapter in her life before she could truly move forward. Facing James in court and telling her story would be the hardest thing she would ever do, but in two days, she would leave with her parents for Middlefield to do just that.

Three weeks after Christmas she’d confessed to her family that she knew who her attacker was. Both Mamm and Daed had been deeply hurt that it was James, an Amish man from their community, but they insisted he be held accountable for his actions. “We can’t have him do this to anyone else,” her mother had said. Her father used language that she’d never heard before. His fury had been mixed with tears, just like her mother’s.

But on this night, she tried not to focus on the upcoming trial. Tomorrow was the schoolhouse raising, as it had been fondly referred to over the past few months, and members of the community would join together for hard work and fellowship. Mr. Becker had left David in charge of the project, and she was looking forward to watching him in action. David was a hard worker and balanced his job at the furniture store with helping his father make repairs on their farmhouse. On top of that, he and his father were readying their land for the first planting. David didn’t have a lot of time for Emily, and she understood. But the time they did have together was always special, even if it was just holding hands while going for a short walk under a moonlit, starry sky.

During several of their walks, David explained his plans for the schoolhouse. Though Mr. Becker had left him detailed instructions, David had made some changes, even adding a small storage room where the children could store their books, lunch pails, and winter clothing. He was excited about erecting a fine schoolhouse, and Emily was just excited in general—about a future filled with hope and a sense of peace . . . hopefully as David’s fraa.

Emily closed her Bible when her father nodded his head to indicate that devotion time was over. Betsy asked to be excused to her room, and Emily suspected that her younger sister wanted to bury her head in a book for a while before bath time.

It was so much quieter without Jacob around. Emily missed his fun-loving ways, but she could see how happy her brother and new sister-in-law were. Levi was still sulky and withdrawn, and tonight was no different.

“I don’t think your boyfriend ordered enough lumber.” Levi kicked his rocking chair into motion and folded his arms across his chest. Emily glanced his way from the other rocker, as did their parents from their place on the couch. “I reckon he probably don’t know what he’s doing.”

“Mr. Becker ordered the lumber,” Emily said as she cut her eyes at her brother. “And I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”

Levi grunted and rolled his eyes. Emily waited for one of her parents to say something, but when no one did, she considered speaking up. She was tired of walking on tiptoes for fear of upsetting Levi about whatever it was that ailed him. Levi had never been as talkative and friendly as Jacob, but Emily could recall a time when he was pleasant to be around. Emily figured that Levi was still unhappy about the move from Middlefield.

Mamm stood from the couch and yawned.“Coming, Elam?”

“Ya, ya.” Daed stretched his arms as he stood, and a few minutes later both her parents were upstairs and out of earshot.

“Why don’t you like him?” Emily stopped rocking and turned to face Levi.

Levi got up from the rocker he was in, then shuffled across the floor and plopped on the couch. “I never said I didn’t like him.” He reached for a gardening magazine that was on the coffee table, something Emily had recently picked up in town. Levi flipped nervously through the pages. She was sure the magazine didn’t interest him. She’d only bought it because there was an article inside detailing how to grow the best watermelons in a difficult climate.

“He’s a wonderful man, Levi. Maybe if you would just get to know him . . . but all you ever do is avoid him. He tries to be nice to you, Levi.” Emily crossed one leg over the other and shook her head. “But you are always very rude to him.”

Levi shrugged and kept turning the pages.

“I like him, Levi. I like him a lot, and I wish that you could—”

Levi threw the magazine on the table. “Ya, well, you liked James, too, didn’t you?”

Emily grabbed her chest as tears instantly welled in her eyes. “Don’t compare them,” she whispered as she lowered her head. Then she looked up at her brother, whose brows were drawn into a frown. “That’s mean of you, Levi.”

Levi bolted from the couch, then marched across the den. But before he got to the stairs, he stopped. He didn’t turn around to face her, and he whispered something Emily didn’t understand.

“What?” she asked.

“It’s my fault.”

“What’s your fault?” Emily uncrossed her legs and stood from the chair. “What are you talking about?”

Levi slowly turned around and faced Emily, and she was shocked to see his eyes filled with tears. “I knew you were with James.” He took a deep breath. “I knew he was the one who hurt you that night, and I didn’t speak up.”

Emily eased closer to her brother. “Levi, I didn’t speak up either. I don’t fault you for not telling. I probably would have been very upset with you if you had told. I needed to come to terms with everything in my own time.”

“We hung out together, a group of us.” Levi paused as a tear rolled down his cheek. “Emily, I didn’t know he was like that. He asked about you, and I told him what a great girl you were.”

Emily smiled. “You did?”

“Ya. Stop smiling. Don’t you see?”

She supposed she didn’t. It warmed her heart that Levi would tell someone she was a great girl. She was letting that soak in for a moment. Then she shook her head. “I guess I don’t see.”

“I told him you’d go out with him. I should have seen through him, seen what kind of person he was, and told him to stay away from my sister. The whole thing is my fault, and I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt you. I failed you! I failed God!” Levi’s voice rose, then quickly fell in volume as he glanced upstairs. “It’s all my fault, and I can’t live with it.”

Emily walked closer to her brother, then threw her arms around him. To her surprise, he buried his head on her shoulder. “Levi. My dear, sweet Levi. This is not your fault.”

“I don’t want anyone to hurt you again, Emily. I don’t want anyone around you. I don’t want you to date anyone, or—”

“Levi.” Emily eased him away. “I love you, mei bruder.” She waited for his eyes to meet hers. “But what happened with James was not your fault. I had been waiting for James to ask me out for months. I was smitten with him for a long time.” She paused. “Levi, you need to talk to Bishop Esh about this. He will help you to realize that this was not your fault. Levi, you know that everything that happens is by the will of God.”

Emily heard herself say the words, and she realized she meant them. Despite everything that had happened to her, she was exactly where she was supposed to be, according to God’s plan.

“I wish I could make it up to you.” Levi stepped back, wiped his nose, and looked away from her.

“There’s nothing that you have to make up to me, Levi.” She stepped closer. “But . . .” She smiled as she waited for him to lock eyes with her. “It would make me very happy if you would get to know David. You will trust him the way I do, Levi. He’s a gut man.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair and stared at the floor. He lifted his eyes to her. “I’m sorry, Emily. I don’t know if I can do that.”

Then he headed up the stairs.

“Please, Levi,” she said as he padded up the stairs.

But her brother kept going and didn’t turn around.

WHEN SATURDAY ROLLED around, David counted thirty-six people on hand to help with the schoolhouse, and for his small community, that was a big success.

His community.

He smiled at the thought. To his surprise, Canaan had turned out to be his Promised Land, just the way his father said it would. He worked hard at the furniture store, on the farmhouse, and preparing the land for the first harvest. But hardly anyone here knew about his past medical problems, so no one worried about his abilities, which he found freeing. Well, then there was Lillian. Every now and then she would ask him if he’d taken on too much. But David was sure that the heavy load kept both his body and mind healthy.

Free time was scarce, but the little he had was spent with Emily. His heart swelled with feelings he’d never had before. She made him feel whole. Emily saw him as strong, protective, and wise—all the things a man wants to be in the eyes of the woman he loves. If she only knew how the sight of her made him weak in the knees sometimes.

He glanced around to make sure everyone had a job. His father and Emily’s father were busy nailing down the flooring, and Jacob and several other men were working to frame the perimeter. Even the young boys, no older than Anna and Elizabeth, were busy helping—standing nearby with bags of nails, fetching requested supplies, and making sure the horses were given an occasional drink of water. The women kept a steady supply of tea and snacks coming.

“You haven’t eaten anything.” David turned to see Emily, a pretzel in her hand.

“Danki.” He took the snack, but what he really wanted was to pull her into his arms and kiss her. Her cheeks turned a rosy shade of pink, as if she could read his mind, then she walked away, but she turned around once and smiled.

She’d only been gone a few seconds when Levi approached. David tensed. Levi would most likely criticize his efforts.

“What would you like for me to do?” Levi looped his thumbs under his suspenders.

The only thing left to do was to unload the rest of the wood from the trailer that had arrived earlier that morning. “I need help unloading that trailer.” David nodded to his right.

“Ya, all right.” Levi waited for David to take the lead, which he did. As they walked side by side, Levi kept turning briefly to face David, but then he would look away.

“Something on your mind?” David finally asked, not sure if he wanted to hear what it was.

When they reached the trailer, both men stopped. Levi faced David, folding his arms across his chest. “I love Emily. I will do anything to protect her.”

Under any other circumstances, he would have found Levi’s comment to be completely out of place. “I love her too,” he finally said, keeping his eyes locked with Levi’s. “And I will never hurt her.”

Levi took a deep breath, then slowly extended his hand to David. “See that you don’t.” His voice was firm, but a smile tipped at the corner of Levi’s mouth. David felt relief that things were changing between them.

EMILY BASKED IN the feel of David’s arms around her the next morning at the bus station. He told her how proud of her he was and then kissed her on the forehead—right in front of her parents. He assured her that he would be there to pick her up when she returned, and she prayed that his words, along with God, would get her through the next few days.

Emily was filled with hope for the future and fear over the present. She would be face-to-face with James in a big courtroom the following day. She liked the attorney her parents had hired, and she knew her parents would be there with her, but she honestly wasn’t sure how she was going to get through it.

“Everything is going to be okay, Emily,” David whispered in her ear as he eased out of the hug. “And I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back in a week.”

She forced a smile, sad to be leaving him, and unhappy about her destination, but she knew it was the right thing to do. The lawyer had talked to her parents about what would happen in court. A bunch of legal talk that Emily didn’t understand. But her parents explained that James had admitted he had hurt her, so the case would go before a judge, not a jury. Either way, Emily had forgiven him a long time ago, and even though it had been hard to accept what happened as God’s will, with each day it became easier.

Emily glanced at her parents who were standing far enough away not to hear their conversation. “I’ll miss you.”

David pulled her into another hug. “I’ll miss you too.” He eased away and cupped her cheek. “Wanna know why?”

Emily waited, her heart fluttering.

“Because I love you.” Then David kissed her tenderly on the lips, and under any other circumstances, Emily would have pulled back, knowing her parents—especially her father— were nearby. But instead she kissed him back.

“I love you too, David.”

A silly grin filled David’s face. “I have a big surprise for you when you get back.”

Emily gasped. “Tell me!”

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise, silly.” He gazed into her eyes, and Emily could feel how much he loved her. “I hope knowing that will give you something to look forward to when you get home.”

Emily heard her father calling her name. “I have to go.”

She backed away from him, and knew she would count the hours until she was back in his arms.

EMILY HAD NEVER been on a bus, and the ride was over twenty hours—too long. She didn’t care if she ever traveled again. She just wanted to get back home—to Canaan. To the place where she planned to spend the rest of her life. Her Promised Land, where new beginnings were blessed by God.

When they arrived at the hotel, Emily was sure her accommodations would be the only neat thing about the trip. She had her own room with a television, alarm clock, beautiful big bed, and roomy bathroom. She wouldn’t have to worry about Levi using all the hot water before she bathed. But the fancy hotel room could only distract her for a short time.

She heard a knock on the door and opened it.

“Do you like the room?” Mamm walked in. “It’s much like our room.”

“Ya. It’s very nice.” Emily walked to the bed and sat down. Her mother took a seat beside her.

Mamm grinned. “Don’t get used to it.”

Emily forced a smile.

“Emily, the lawyer Daed hired called us awhile ago.”

Emily’s stomach churned, and she wished she could just run out of the room and catch a bus back home, no matter how long the ride. She waited for her mother to go on.

“James has made a full confession, but you’re still going to have to briefly tell what happened to you so that the judge can decide on his punishment.” Mamm took a deep breath. “Emily, what he did to you was such a bad thing, but we need to pray for his family. They are shamed beyond anything we can imagine, and they will be in the courtroom tomorrow as well. His lawyer will be asking that he not go to a regular jail, but instead go to a place where he can get help with this rage he has. What he did to you was terrible, and we don’t want him doing this to anyone else.” Mamm twisted to face her. “Mr. Webster, the lawyer, said that the judge will most likely ask you how you feel about having James not go to jail, but go somewhere else to get help. So I know we’ve discussed some of this before, but I want you to pray about this. And pray for James and his family.”

“I will.” Emily had already forgiven James, and she couldn’t imagine what his family must be going through.

Mamm patted her on the leg. “All right. I’m going to go to bed. You should probably do the same.” She smiled. “Don’t spend too long soaking in that big bathtub.”

Ting would go, but none of what he said eased her anxiety. She’d even thrown up earlier that morning, and her entire body was shaking as she entered the large room.HE NEXT MORNING Emily walked into the courtroom with her parents and Mr. Webster. They’d already been there an hour, and Mr. Webster had explained to Emily how the morn

She kept her eyes straight ahead as she and her parents moved down the aisle toward a large bench. Emily knew that’s where the judge would sit. A woman was sitting at a small desk to the right of the judge’s desk, typing. There were long benches on either side of them, and Emily could see out of the corner of her eye that they were mostly empty.

Emily, her parents, and Mr. Webster took a seat at one of two tables facing the judge. Emily shivered in the air-conditioning, and her mother latched onto her hand.

“It’s going to be all right, Emily.”

Emily glanced at her father, surprised to see his face was incredibly pale. He’d said very little during their trip.

About ten minutes later, James and his family walked into the courtroom. Mr. Webster told her not to look at James, so Emily tried to keep her eyes from drifting in their direction. Her stomach roiled in such a way that she prayed she didn’t vomit right there in the courtroom. Mamm squeezed her hand.

Everyone stood up when the judge walked into the room. The elderly, gray-haired man wore gold-rimmed glasses and a long black robe. If James hadn’t been in the room, Emily would have thought he was the scariest person she’d ever seen. Her heart started to beat so fast, she put her hand to her chest.

Please, dear Lord, please help me to get through this and to say the right things. And please have mercy on James and help him to get the help he needs.

Emily continued to silently pray while the judge and lawyers talked about a lot of things she didn’t understand. Then Mr. Webster said, “We call Emily Detweiler.” She knew it was her time to come forward.

“God is with you, Emily,” her mother whispered as she stood up.

But before she moved from the long desk to go up front, her father stood up. He turned to Emily, tears in his eyes. Daed opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but instead, he embraced her. Then he whispered in her ear, “I love you, my precious maedel. May our Lord be with you.”

“I love you, Daed.” Emily eased out of the hug and moved past her father. She kept her eyes locked on the judge. His expression seemed to soften as she approached him. She sat down to his left in a big chair that faced everyone in the room. She locked eyes with James for the first time since her attack, and she couldn’t find any sign of remorse in his stony glare. Surely he is sorry for what he did.

Emily’s eyes filled with water, and she shifted her gaze to her mother. Then to her father. Then to the total strangers seated in front of her. She felt dizzy, and she was certain that there was no way she could talk about what happened in front of all these people. Mr. Webster approached her, and after asking her to place her hand on a Bible and promise to tell the truth, he said, “Emily, can you tell the court what happened to you on the evening of August twelfth?”

Her hands were clammy, her lip trembling, and the rest of her body wouldn’t stop shaking. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She stared around the courtroom. Again, she focused on her mother, then her father.

Then the courtroom seemed to cloud in front of her, like the fogs that she remembered forming in their Middlefield yard. They started far off, then slowly moved toward the house and settled across their farmland. Her vision was hazy, and she could vaguely hear Mr. Webster’s voice, as if he were a long way away. But then she heard another voice loud and clear.

Seek Me with all your heart, Emily.

She squeezed her eyes closed. Help me, Lord.

I am here, My child. You are your Father’s child.

Slowly, the fog lifted and she saw everyone in the room waiting. She scanned the room, looking for the strength to push forward. As she locked eyes with her father—eyes filled with strength and determination—she knew that his love, and her heavenly Father’s, would see her through this.

She took a deep breath as she recalled the events of August twelfth. She could feel James’s eyes on her, but she stayed connected with her father, who gave her a nod.

“I had a date.” She watched Daed to see if she would see disappointment in his eyes, but she didn’t. “A date with James Miller.”

“Can you point to whom you’re referring?” Mr. Webster edged slightly closer to her, and Emily pulled her eyes from her father’s. James looked straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone, and forgiveness flooded over Emily as she pointed her finger at him. I hope you get the help you need, James.

Mr. Webster told everyone that Emily identified James Miller as her attacker, then he asked her to go on.

“I was supposed to have gone to my Onkel Abram’s birthday party, but James had already asked me to have supper with him at the diner.” She hung her head for a moment, then locked eyes with her father again. His expression hadn’t changed. “I lied to my parents and said I was sick.”

“And what happened, Emily, when you got to the diner?”

“We ordered baked chicken, potatoes, green beans, and a roll.” She paused. “And shoofly pie for dessert.”

A smile tipped at the corner of Mr. Webster’s mouth. “That sounds good, Emily. Can you tell us what happened after your dinner with Mr. Miller? Did he have a car?”

“Ya. He’s in his rumschpringe, and he had a car that he kept mostly hidden from his folks. But I think they knew he had it.” Emily turned toward Sarah Miller, James’s mother. Sarah’s bottom lip was trembling, and Emily wished more than anything that she didn’t have to continue. “We—we went to his car after we ate.”

“Where was his car, Emily?”

“In the alley behind Raber’s Diner.”

Mr. Webster walked closer to where Emily was sitting. “Take your time, Emily. What do you remember happening next?”

“We were laughing as we sat in his car. We saw a man walk by the alley with a pink hat on his head, and he was dressed in green and white polka dots.” Emily smiled slightly, glad for a momentary distraction. “He was in costume for something, I’m sure. But we thought it was very funny.”

“And then what happened?”

Emily shifted her weight, then searched for her father’s eyes, again fearful that at some point his expression would change, that she would see disappointment. She fixed her stare on his and recaptured the same comfort she’d felt earlier. “James kissed me. On the lips.” She pulled her eyes from Daed’s. As much as she longed for his strength, she couldn’t face him. “And I let him,” she added in a trembling voice. She swallowed back tears, unsure if she could go on.

“It’s all right, Emily,” Mr. Webster whispered as he drew near. “You’re safe here.”

She didn’t feel like she wasn’t safe. She just felt sad. Sad that she’d lied to her parents, sad that James was sick, sad that it happened—and embarrassed to talk about it. Mr. Webster asked her to go on. She still couldn’t look at her father. Not now. Not during this part.

“James—he—he touched me places. I told him to stop.” She blinked back tears that threatened to spill. “Then I begged him to stop.” She brushed away a tear and took a deep breath. “But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t stop.” Emily hung her head as her shoulders began to rise and fall along with deep sobs she fought to muffle. “I can’t talk about it anymore,” she whispered without looking up at Mr. Webster or anyone else.

“I know it’s hard, Emily. But we’re going to need you to explain in detail as much as you can remember.” Mr. Webster’s voice was soft and kind, but Emily knew she couldn’t go on. She shook her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Do we need a recess?” The deep voice came from Emily’s right, and she knew the judge was talking to her. The thought of having to take a break, then come back and start over was even worse than continuing.

“No.” Emily raised her head to face him. “I’m sorry. I’ll go on.” She bit her lip, swiped at her eyes, then took another deep breath. “He—James—he . . .” How could she speak the words? Tears began to trail down her cheeks. “James put his hands . . .”

“Stop!”

Emily looked up to see her father standing, and two police officers were moving in his direction. Her father faced Mr. Webster. “Please. Don’t make her go on.” He blinked back tears as he spoke. The uniformed men stood beside Daed, waiting for instructions from the judge. Emily couldn’t breathe.

“Your honor, is this really necessary?” Mr. Webster asked. James’s attorney joined Mr. Webster when the judge motioned for him to do so. As the two men drew closer to the judge, Emily couldn’t hear what was said, but after a few moments, it was decided by everyone that Emily did not have to go on. And for that, she would be thanking God for a long time to come.

And her father.

EMILY COULDN’T GET off the bus soon enough. She was thrilled that her ordeal was over and that they had been able to return two days early. She could see David walking toward her, along with Lillian and Samuel.

Even her parents raised a brow when they saw them all approaching. They’d all thought David was coming alone with an Englisch driver to take them back to Canaan.

Lillian ran to Emily’s mother and threw her arms around her, and Samuel shook her father’s hand. And when David got near, Emily couldn’t wait. She ran into his arms.

“I love you so much,” she whispered in his ear.

“I love you, too, and I missed you.” David pulled from the hug and looked toward the sky. “Look what a beautiful sun-shiny day it is here in Denver.” He grinned. “It’s the perfect day for my surprise.”

Emily pulled her sweater around her, but it truly was a blessed day. Blue skies overhead and a slight breeze, but the sun warmed her face. David warmed her heart.

“Levi is probably about to pull his hair out,” Lillian said with a giggle. “We dropped Anna and Elizabeth off to play with Betsy.”

“It’ll be gut for Levi.” Mamm smiled. “But why did you all come? Does the driver have a van? Will we all fit?” She glanced around, then turned back to Lillian. “Oh, danki for coming.” She hugged Lillian again.

Samuel cleared his throat. “We came in two different cars, two drivers.”

“What for?” Daed looped his thumbs in his suspenders and stood tall as two Englisch folks walked by them.

Samuel waited until the two women passed and were out of earshot. “David has a surprise for Emily, so they’ll be riding in that blue car over there.” Samuel pointed to his right. “And me and Lillian will be taking the two of you home in that green car parked next to it.” Samuel shook his head and grinned. “And let me warn you, that driver has one speed. Fast!”

Daed was busy stowing their luggage on a cart, and when he was done, they all headed to the cars. Once the luggage was stored, they parted ways. Emily climbed into the backseat and David sat beside her. After a few minutes, Emily looked at him.

“Are you going to tell me where we are going?”

“You’ll see.”

Emily thought she might burst with excitement. “How long will it take to get there?”

Before David could answer, the nice gentleman driver spoke up. “A little over an hour.”

David rubbed his hands together. “You think you love me now, just you wait.”

“I can hardly stand this! Can you give me a hint?”

“No way.”

The hour’s drive seemed to take forever, but then David turned to her. “You have to close your eyes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Ya. Close your eyes. I had to get special permission to take you to this place, but I think you’ll like it.”

Emily squeezed her eyes closed and resisted the temptation to peek.

“No peeking.”

“I’m not.”

She felt the car slow down, then come to a stop.

“Do not open your eyes! I’ll come around and lead you out of the car.”

Emily waited until David had hold of her hand, then climbed out of the car.

“Have fun. I’ll be here when you return,” the driver said as David closed the car door.

“Keep your eyes closed, but step up.” David guided her up several steps. She heard him take a deep breath. “You can open your eyes now.”

Emily took in the view. “David . . .” She was speechless as she looked up the mountain before her, snow still capping the peaks in every direction.

“The mountains in our area are too hard to climb. We are in the heart of the Rocky Mountains here. Now you can climb your mountain. And there is a path leading up this mountain that leads . . . to Him.” David pointed to the top of the mountain.

A tear rolled down Emily’s cheek as she stared at the top of the mountain where a giant white statue of Jesus stood, his arms outstretched, as if waiting for her. “Where are we?”

David grabbed her hand and they began walking up the path, wispy green grass and early spring foliage on either side.

“We’re at a camp called Santa Maria. That fifty-five foot statue of Jesus was built in 1933 at what was then a Catholic charities camp for underprivileged children.” He smiled. “Sister Catherine helped me with this plan.”

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“They say that it’s lit up at night, but I wanted us to be able to walk all the way to the base of the statue.”

With each step, the statue of Jesus seemed to grow, the way her love for Jesus grew with each passing day. She left her past behind her as she trekked upward, embracing freedom.

Emily was breathless by the time they reached the base of the pure white statue, and she openly wept. “Danki, David. This is the happiest moment in my life.” She gazed up at Jesus’ outstretched arms.

“I hope the next moment will top that.”

Emily gasped as David dropped to one knee. The sun seemed to shine even brighter as he spoke. “Will you marry me, Emily?”

Emily looked up at the statue of Jesus, standing tall and protectively above them. Then she looked down at David, the man she would spend the rest of her life loving.

“Ya. I will.”

David stood up and wrapped his arms around her. “I will love you forever.”

“And I will love you forever.”

She glanced up toward heaven and smiled.

And ye shall seek Me, and find Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart.

Epilogue

EMILY WALKED THE SITE OF HER FUTURE HOME, THE colorful wildflowers brushing against her legs. As the sun set behind the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to the east, she scanned the area and tried to picture her home.

David’s father gave him a large chunk of land the week after David proposed to Emily, and shortly thereafter, Emily and David had found the perfect spot to build their new home. In November, Emily would become Mrs. David Stoltzfus.

Her hands grazed the tips of the flowers as she breathed in the smells of summer. July was pleasant in Canaan with long days filled with sunshine. Emily came to this spot often, not only to visualize the home David would build, but also to commune with God. She knew that she was as close to God here as she would be on the top of any mountain.

She closed her eyes, the warm wind in her face, and thanked God for the many blessings He had bestowed on her. When she was done, she spun around, picturing her den, kitchen, four bedrooms, mudroom, and large walk-around porch spanning two sides of the clapboard house. And two bathrooms. One upstairs and one downstairs.

Her garden would be on the west side of the house, and a white picket fence would enclose the front yard. There would be two barns. One for animals, and one for David to build furniture in. In the beginning, David’s job at the furniture store had been to assemble prefabricated furniture for Englisch customers to buy. The ready-made furniture was a combination of wood and particle board, but David offered to build some solid wood furniture for the owner to sell. And what started out as a hobby quickly blossomed into much more. David had orders for fourteen rocking chairs and two cradles.

Emily hoped that he would be building a cradle for their own little one soon after they were married.

She gathered some of the flowers in her hands and arranged them into a tight bouquet, careful to select a colorful variety. David’s Aunt Katie Ann loved the flowers that grew wild in the fields, and Emily enjoyed collecting them for her when she came here. Her new baby would bless all their lives in September. It was unusual for an Amish woman to raise a child on her own, but Katie Ann had her friends and family, particularly Martha, who’d stepped in and made herself at home in Katie Ann’s life.

Emily eyed her selection and decided it was perfect.

Yes, a new baby in September for Katie Ann, and a wedding in November. Her own wedding—to David Stoltzfus.

She closed her eyes and thanked God again for His divine blessings in her life.

Acknowledgments

NATALIE HANEMANN, it is an honor to dedicate this book to you. Our paths crossed for a reason, and I hope that we are always on this incredible journey together. Peace, prayers, and love to you my friend—and to the rest of my Thomas Nelson family.

Special thanks to Sherry and Tim Gregg for your friendship, hospitality, and research assistance. By the time this book hits the shelves, we will have shared another fun-filled adventure visiting the Amish folks in Colorado. Blessings to both of you always. Big hug to you, Sherry, for reading the manuscript prior to publication.

Thank you to an Old Order Amish friend in Monte Vista, Colorado, who spent time with me while I was there, and also to my Amish friends in Lancaster County, who answer questions and allow me to use their fabulous recipes.

Barbie Beiler, you rock! You’re a Daughter of the Promise whose namesake will forever be a part of this series. Thank you for reading each book prior to publication to verify authenticity. AND for answering my many, many questions on a regular basis.

To my husband, Patrick. “Who do you love?” “You, baby.” Always and forever.

Janet Murphy, you are the best assistant a girl could have. What a blessing you are. You wear many hats, and they all fit you perfectly. So glad to have you on this wonderful ride with me.

To my mother-in-law, Pat. I have yet to find one person whose mother-in-law cooks for them twice a week. You’re the best!

Jenny Baumgartner, as a line editor, you go above and beyond to make my books the best they can be. And the fact that you are a super sweet, loving individual is a huge bonus. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.

To my agent, Mary Sue Seymour, thanks for all you do to strengthen my career and for being a super friend.

Eric and Cory, Seek Him with all your heart. Always.

Friends and family not mentioned here, please know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate the day-to-day things you do for me.

Without You, God, I’d be a lost soul scribbling words that make no sense. Thank you for guiding my hand in an effort to draw folks closer to You.

Reading Group Guide

1. In the beginning of the story, Emily is fearful of men because of what happened to her in Middlefield. At what point do you see her beginning to heal and to trust again?

2. Samuel and Lillian aren’t completely honest with David about the move to Colorado, choosing not to tell him about their financial hardships. Should Samuel and Lillian have told David about the cost of his medications, or were they right to shelter him?

3. There are two issues of miscommunication. One is between Emily and Vera. How might things have been different for Emily if she and her mother had talked openly early in the story? What about David? What misconception does he live with that affects his choices?

4. Which characters hear “Seek Me with all your heart”? Do you ever hear the small voice in your heard that they refer to, and do you believe this to be God?

5. Martha offers Vera a box full of money, and Vera ultimately shares the money with Lillian’s family and Katie Ann. Neither Martha nor Vera ever seek credit for their generosity, but we hear Martha quote a scripture that she heard in church relevant to this gift. Have you ever felt motivated by Scripture to give unselfishly, and did it change you in some way more than it aided the recipient?

6. Emily lives with fear of being unworthy because of her attack. David believes he shouldn’t marry because he might not live a long and full life. What other person lives with a misconception that affects his life and those around him?

7. What is the difference between Amish prayer coverings for Amish women in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and Middlefield, Ohio? What about the color of their buggies?

8. Vera wears herself out trying to provide a perfect household for her family, despite a past that follows them. At what point in the story does everything finally catch up with Vera? How are things different after that?

9. Katie Ann chooses not to tell her husband that she is pregnant, fearing he will return to her out of a sense of obligation. Did she do the right thing? Do you think Ivan would have returned to her if he knew she was carrying their child? If so, would he have returned for the right reasons?

10. An unlikely friendship forms first between Emily, David, and Martha—then later between Katie Ann and Martha. Why is this?

11. Emily must forgive James before she can truly be free and move forward. In what part of the book do you see Emily starting to forgive? Who does her inability to forgive affect the most throughout the story?

12. During the court scene, there is a correlation between God the Father and Emily’s father. Have you ever had a similar situation where you can see God working through someone for the good of all?

Amish Recipes

Chocolate Shoofly Pie

1 unbaked pie shell

1/4 tsp. baking soda

1 1/3 cups boiling water

1 1/2 cups (16 oz. can) Hershey’s syrup

1 tsp. vanilla

1 1 /3 cups unsifted all-purpose flour

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

1/3 cup butter

cinnamon

Dissolve 1/4 teaspoon baking soda in boiling water; stir in chocolate syrup and vanilla. Set aside. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt. Cut in butter with pastry blender to form coarse crumbs.

Set aside 1 cup each of chocolate mixture and crumbs. Gently combine remaining chocolate and crumbs, stirring just until crumbs are moistened (mixture will be lumpy). Pour reserved cup of chocolate mixture into pastry shell.

Pour chocolate-crumb mixture evenly over liquid in shell. Top with remaining 1 cup of crumbs. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Bake at 375° for 50 to 60 minutes or until set. Cool completely.

—From Renee Klevenhagen, Slatedale, Pa.

Cabbage Casserole

3 cups fresh cabbage,
shredded

1 pound hamburger,
sautéed and drained

3/4 cup diced onion

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1/4 teaspoon garlic salt

10 1/2 oz. can of tomato soup

1 soup can of water

1 cup cooked rice

1 tablespoon brown sugar

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 cup shredded cheddar
cheese

Shred cabbage and place in a greased, 2-quart casserole. Mix in meat and onions. Then stir in remaining ingredients, except cheese. Stir the whole casserole well. Cover and bake at 350° for one hour. Top with cheese before serving.

Chicken Lasagna

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 medium onion, diced

½ cup sour cream

¼ cup mayonnaise

¼ tsp. garlic salt

¼ tsp. pepper

4 cups cooked chicken, cut in bite-size pieces

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

1 box lasagna noodles, cooked

½ cup parmesan cheese

Mix all the ingredients except the noodles and parmesan cheese. In a 9” x 13” baking pan, alternate one layer of chicken mixture and one layer of lasagna noodles. Repeat. Top with the parmesan cheese. Bake at 375° uncovered for 45 minutes.

Return to Canaan, Colorado,
in the Fall of 2011
as Katie Ann experiences new joys and trials
in this beautiful land.

The Next Daughters of the Promise Novel
Available March 2011