WOUNDS
	
	Edward Loomis

	
	A RIFLE BULLET striking bone hits with a fine hardness, followed instantly by a numbing shock; and then down you go.
	
	  hen it happened to me, I felt my left leg for blood, thinking to gauge the wound, but could not do it, for the blood was running imperceptibly in my heavy trousers already soaked with the rain. I moved the knee, where the bullet had hit, and said to the man ahead of me: "I think maybe I'm hit, by God! Now what do you think of that?"
	
	  t was a November night in the south of Holland, with low gray clouds billowing voluminously close to earth. In the flash of a shell bursting you could see the pale misty bottoms of the clouds, and the rains came stirring out of them against your face with a feeling of impalpable moist depths. Up ahead of me were woods, from which the rifle shot had come; behind me a ditch, its waters flowing black like sooty Acheron itself; and all around me was the war--my war, one of the old ones now--littering the earth, making an ominous dark.
	
	   lay with my face to the ground, padded where my cheek touched it by leaf mold and withered grasses; we were in a pasture, surely, and there was a soft wind. In a little while it was time to go on, and so I rose, finding that I was not badly hurt, and continued marching through the night. Now and then I wondered that a bullet could knock me down and still bounce away, but I was growing used to perplexity and did not mind it. I had no thought of taking my sulfa tablets, for I wanted to save them for a major wound.
	
	  oward morning we dug holes that started water seeping from the earth like wells, and when the dawn came we discovered ourselves in a cultivated field, plowed now and harrowed down, that was bordered on two sides by a dike lined with poplars, and on the third by a clump of houses. These were gray houses, blurred by a faintly falling rain; there were narrow windows and doors, and tile roofs the color of dirty copper. Each house had its trees, black and unidentifiable, glistening with the perpetual damp. The people were gone, I was sure, from those houses five hundred yards away, who have now long since returned to make the fields ripen again in heavy crops of sugar beets and grain.
	
	  here was no sign of life, though we had been told that Germans held the houses, and so that morning I thought about the farmers, hiding with their families. It was possible they hid in haystacks, or in the little pine forests of that country, and I could guess how it might be for them, for each chilly family huddled beneath a dripping tree. But of course they were far away; they did not exist, and at nine o'clock that morning came something which did, a British plane, strafing the houses for us. In an instant I had eyes for nothing else.
	
	  he plane was a Spitfire, of slim body and wide wings curved at the tips, and its course was to swoop low, fire the machine guns, and rise again. I crouched in my hole, legs folded into the water at the hole's bottom, and stared upward with joy. On the plane's second pass there was an answer from behind the houses, the steady, jarring hammer of 20millimeter anti-aircraft guns firing synchronously; there would be a flak wagon behind the houses, that was it, a tracked vehicle with four guns in a turret, and so I grew frightened for the plane and its pilot.
	
	  ut for two more passes the plane came low and then roared away in safety. I rejoiced, and forgot the icy chill gripping my feet and lower legs. The sound of the motor was loud and sweet on the downswing, and I could almost feel the delicate sheen of oil masking each working part in that slick harmony; I could sense the pistons firing in a row, and the electric messages of control vibrating along the wires. And of course I had a notion of the pilot, who would be a thin-faced Englishman like some of the British infantry officers I had seen; he would have a soft voice, and a deprecating way of moving his hands, and be from Kent perhaps, or Lancashire, places I knew from training days.
	
	  nd then the plane was hit, on the fourth pass, as it was pulling out: one moment there was the screaming sound from the motor as the pilot started his climb, and then there was a silence, hoarse with meaning. The plane climbed ever more steeply, until it became apparent that the arc of its climb would fall back into a circle leading to a crash. Quite distinctly I made out the markings on the uppcr surfaces of the wings: there were the emblematic rings of white and royal blue and red, and numbers in heavy block forms. For an instant there was a soft glitter on the hood over the cockpit, an aerial shadow of death.
	
	  ho was that pilot? I could never know. At the beauty of his fall I sighed. Down he came, and there was a crash at which any man might blink. Deeply I flung myself into my hole, bringing my forehead close to the earthy smell of water. After the crash there was an explosion, and then the familiar sound of splintered metal going by, a rough whirroo that leaves a hard quiet in the wake of its passing. Cautiously I looked out of my hole and saw, not a hundred yards away, the wreckage with smoke clumped upon it and slowly rising. There was nothing to do or say; the man was dead. In the shallow pool of water nearest my hole I observed a few patches of oil film, spattered there by the explosion. They widened; they grew floating there, unchanged by damp, in subtle colors I could not really see. There was a smoky blue perhaps, and a touch of orange or red; the colors had a perfect polish and no reflection in the gray morning. 
	
	  ater that day another company attacked the houses, and we moved on to the dike with the poplars, where we stayed for a time in shallow holes. Toward nightfall a barrage of 120-millimeter mortars fell on the dike, killing the two men in the hole next to me, and thus stirring the officers to move again. We climbed out of our holes, and I looked at the bodies laid out under somebody's shelter-half; the feet projected from under the canvas, toes up, and the feet looked alive; one left foot was naked and bloody, the shoe blown clean off, exposing the horny toenails of the infantryman. We marched a long time that night, and finally arrived at the still-burning ruins of a barn, near which we dug holes again, for the third time that day.
	
	  here was an orchard all around the barn; little trees with sleek black trunks stood there in crooked rows, and our holes went down into a heavy earth that had a pleasant fragrance of rotted apples. The resiny smell of burning timbers carried to me a memory of campfires, and so it was not long before I had the feeling of holiday. My knee was stiffening, and I was wet and cold, but I became cheerful, and with a friend named Curry I decided to go closer to the tumbled fires of the barn. Our idea was to warm ourselves, and we were happy with that idea.
	
	  If there's any shelling, we can duck back to our holes," Curry said. "But I'll bet the Germans are just as tired as we are."
	
	  It's a fool thing to do," I said. "But let's do it. Damn it, I want to do it! "
	
	  autiously we made our way, staying clear of the German side of the fire so that we would not make silhouettes; and we were stopped only once in our progress, when a horse came charging through the position. There was a commotion behind us; the horse came looming into the light of the fire, clumsily galloping, swaying from side to side. He was high and dark, and somehow marred, moving like a creature stiff-jointed and old, and he stumbled against one of the little trees; then he screamed in terror, and we could see that he was badly burned. He had no mane or tail, and carried a sweet smell of burnt flesh into our holiday air. Again he crashed into a tree, and screamed, and then we knew he was blind. His eyes were singed wounds in his bony head, and he tossed his head as he galloped, as if to shake away the terrible darkness.
	
	  e galloped through the position from one end to the other, and disappeared into the night. I was a little shaken, but Curry restored my confidence. "Somebody'll shoot the old thing before morning," he said, "and put him out of his misery. Sure they will."
	
	  n a few moments we were back on our quest, and very quickly found what we wanted, an orderly fire, burning in a little stack of the poles used in that country to prop hayricks. It was warm there, and you could stand close without discomfort; and there was shelter from German eyes in a stilluntumbled corner of the old barn itself.
	
	  This is the place," Curry said. "By God, I'm going to take off my shoes and pants and get'em dry."
	
	  e set about it, and in fact we stripped off all our clothes, in a gesture of high spirits, and set them out to dry. We drove stakes and placed our shoes and socks on them; I improvised a coat-rack for the shirts and jackets, and Curry arranged a way of stretching trousers between pairs of stakes. We had a game of cooperation, and so in a little while it was possible to enjoy feelings of harmony and peace.
	
	  urry was not my best friend in the squad, but he was a good friend, and we had an understanding. He came from the same sort of family I had come from, and from the same sort of town. He had two brothers and a sister; his father was a purchasing agent, his mother had been to a small college in Michigan; and he lived in a suburb of Detroit. He had been drafted from the University of Michigan three months before his nineteenth birthday, and now he was awaiting his twentieth birthday. We were two of a kind; we understood that we were fortunate in everything except being in the war, and we were getting used to that; and of course we were pleased to be together, to be able to exchange identical sentiments about the unhappy incidents of our life.
	
	  oon we had canned rations bubbling on the embers at the edge of the fire, and all about us were clouds of steam rising from our clothes. Naked we could stand the cold air of night, and even enjoy it; the wind raised gooseflesh on skin grown oily and bitterly resistant. We sparred a little, and in doing this I got several twinges in the knee that only made me happier. I looked at my wound, which was too small holes, each well covered by a crisp black scab, and a moderate swelling to the left of the kneecap. The wound was genuine, clearly, and yet no hindrance to lightheartedness and running.
	
	  h, that was a time! We leaped in and out of the firelight in that cold soft Holland air, and ate our rations as children eat at picnics, voraciously, so as to gain a quick release to the games of the woods. We were fierce, like children, and felt scorn for our friends crouching in holes, their bodies clotted in damp cloth. Indeed, we were happy, and I will never forget the feeling.
	
	  n end came, as it had to, but at first it seemed not serious. A light shelling of 120-Millimeter mortars began to fall on the edges of the orchard, and as we headed for the holes we had dug, it was plain that the pattern was moving toward the fire. We left our clothes, naturally, and ran naked, crouching close to earth, and there was no danger, for we had time. The holes were close to us, not twenty yards away, and we were all but safe until Curry fell. Perhaps his bare foot caught on something a heavy shoe would have brushed aside; perhaps he stepped on a hot ember and by flinching from it lost his balance; but he fell, and the pattern of the barrage abruptly included him.
	
	  t was a light barrage. Moments after I reached my hole, where one of my other friends was waiting for me with arms braced to catch some of the shock of my diving fall, the barrage was over, and I rose quickly to see what had happened behind me. I was breathing sharply, feeling excited and happy, and so I needed a few moments before I could see clearly. Meanwhile I heard Curry's voice speaking rapidly in a normal tone, though I could not distinguish words. I was perplexed; I looked around, and called the word "Curry" several times into the hush which follows a barrage.
	
	Then I saw him. Like a white flower in the night was the whiteness of his body, and very clearly I saw a spout of blood rising from the base of his throat. And heard him: "Lordy, Lordy," he said, "somebody, the blood's going out of me like water out of a hose. For God's sake, somebody, come help me. Do you want me to die here like a stuck pig?" The tone was almost humorous, and showed the control of the considerate patient who wants not to be a bother.
	
	  I'm coming!" I shouted. "Curry, Curry, I'm coming, hold on!"
	
	   scrambled out of the hole and started for him, charging low as if to knock something down with my shoulders; and I had made perhaps eight or nine yards of the distance when I heard the whispering fall of a mortar shell as the barrage began again. Down I went, as I had been taught, to hide myself against the stained old earth; flat on my belly, hands over my head, and listening to the explosions and whistling flights of shrapnel. The barrage was a little heavier this time, but shorter, and I scarcely had time to think about it before it was over.
	
	   got to my feet a little slowly, with belly and chest darkly washed by a fine, silt-like mud, and began to trot toward Curry, but even before I reached him I saw that there would be no reason for haste. He had been hit again, and was dead now. He lay on his back, arms outspread against the rainy Holland earth. His hands and face were dark, with the weathering that comes to the devoted infantryman.
	
	   could not see the wound that had first caught him; there was no spout of blood to define it now, and a wrinkled sheet of blood was settling all along his throat and collarbone and down his right shoulder. The wounds of the second barrage I could scarcely miss, for they were a great slash across his right thigh and a rip all across his belly, out of which now tumbled bowels and intestines.
	
	  uickly I saw it all, and will not forget it, the death, the great wounds, the white body and scarcely used sex of this boy who had so great a part of his life ahead of him when he died.
	
	  n a little while other soldiers came, and a blanket was stretched over the body. I went back to the fire in the hayrick poles and slowly dressed myself, not brushing away the mud from my chest and belly. I was feeling sad, and empty, as I have since felt a few times after rising from women.
	
	  efore I went to my hole for sleep, I dressed the body of my friend in the clothes which had dried while he was dying. I wanted whatever was left of him not to be cold, and so I did what had to be done with his spilled guts, and bundled the slippery coils back into the still-warm cage of muscle and tough hide. I got him together, and got him dressed, and thus had what I wanted, the feeling that I had done the few things left me to do.
	
	  nd then I went back to my hole and started to be cold in a way I had not known before. That night I shivered with cold for the first time in my life, and it seemed to me that I could feel the moist night air seeping into my bones, corrupting the sweet, secret marrow. It was a fancy, but the next morning I was stiff and ailing, and had trouble making the day's march.
	
	   had a recovery to make from Curry's death, however, and so I worked away at it, and was beginning to succeed by four o'clock, when my knee started an action very like the throbbing of blood, except that it was pain moving there. I was glad to have the pain, for it seemed a way of getting along with Curry's death, a way of settling accounts with whatever powers might be.
	
	  lso it was true that the pain persuaded me that my wound might soon be serious enough to take me out of the war for a while, and that was a thought which must cheer any soldier of the infantry. Toward dark we stopped near a big farm and were told that we might expect the company cooks that night with hot food and newspapers, and so we knew that our war was about to cease for a little while. We had seen no firing all that day; we were growing cheerful; we dug great holes, and found pleasure in the labor.
	
	   dug with my friend Olney Arnett, a Tennessean, and we constructed a masterpiece of comfort in the field. We were on a little hill, and so we could go deep without getting water; we went down four and a half feet, in a hole seven feet long and almost five feet wide. We thatched the bottom to a depth of a foot and a half with fragrant hay taken from the barn at the top of the hill, and covered everything against the rain with our two shelter-halves draped across a pole stolen from the same barn.
	
	  e had a rough equivalent of a cabin with roof and ridgepole; we fastened the sides of the shelter-halves with wellpacked heaps of dirt, and were ready to weather out a gale. "It's the best hole we've had for a week or more," Arnett said. "Just think how it's going to be to sleep in it tonight!"
	
	   furry little mist was in the air, to moisten the face and the backs of hands, but we were sure there would be heavy rain that night, for there was always heavy rain in those nights. We would need our cave. In constructing it, we had achieved something good, and so we could have the pleasure of shared accomplishment. Arnett had for some time been my best friend in the squad, and therefore in the world, though we were not at all like each other; and so my pleasure in the task was augmented by the pleasure of having Arnett take part in it. He was a farm boy who had subtle arts of whittling with a pocket knife sharp as a razor; he knew bird cries, and the Tennessee names for all the trees and grasses of ancient Europe; he came from an old people long rooted in a single county, and he knew strange songs that puzzled me. He was a sturdy boy, not the kind to give in to his circumstances; braver than I, and more calm, so that he could regard the details of our life in the war with a reluctant good humor, where I was given to furious rages.
	
	  e were at odds in everything except the necessary arts of living together, but in these we could be at peace. Having finished our hole, we walked like loving brothers to the farmhouse where I had been told to come for treatment of my knee. There we found an agreeable officer who made arrangements for hot water and cloths; he was the platoon leader of the second rifle platoon of our company, and thus it was an act of special condescension for him to forsake his responsibilities to think about easing my pain.
	
	  t was a trick to get my trousers down past the huge swelling that had come into my knee, but we managed it, and then Arnett moistened pads of clean white cloth into compresses, which he laid delicately over the sore places. I sat in a chair, with my left leg propped on another, and might have been a little king of that high, narrow room.
	
	  lose to my hand was a fire burning in a little porcelain stove. On top of the stove was a canteen cup of coffee, prepared especially for me, with a little of the lieutenant's whisky in it for flavor and comfort, and a big pot of water for the compresses. There had been no destruction in the room; the woodwork in windows and wall moldings was highly polished and dark; the chairs which ringed the old table were plain and hard, but not uncomfortable, and there were two steel engravings on the walls, each showing a skater dashing brilliantly down the winter ice of a canal. It was a Dutch interior, immaculately polished and rich, and not much altered by the litter of soldiers. Rifles leaning against the walls did not really change the look of it, but they were sufficiently present so that I could have a momentary sense of belonging to the room. I was at ease, and could have been happy greeting guests.
	
	  hen the cooks arrived outside in their two-and-a-halfton truck, Arnett went to them and got a noble supper for me. I had tomatoes, bread, and two kinds of meat, with a sweet stimulant composed of one part canned milk and sugar, and one part black coffee. The tears almost came to my eyes as I sat in the hot room holding the heavy cup. My skin was alive with the pleasure of warmth; my whole system was growing soft and joyous in the pleasure of being tended to. Two hours I spent in this way before I had to go outside again, and when I left I felt fortified and strong. The cold air, blown against my face by the night wind in such a way as to suggest the rain which was coming, only served to remind me that I had a fine shelter to take myself to, and so I joked with Arnett and even made fun of his country ways as we walked slowly along. When we got to the hole, Arnett offered to take part of my guard that night, and I accepted; I would keep watch for the first three hours, until midnight, and then he would be responsible for the rest of the night. I was grateful, and thanked him.
	
	  t the open end of the hole I propped myself up and set my rifle on its sling, sights up, the barrel pointing north. Beside it I placed my three grenades and Arnett's two. For a while I listened to Arnett burrowing in the hay on his side of the hole, and then, when there were no more noises from him, I occupied myself in watching the sky. At ten thirty I was dismayed to see the sky grow clear, exposing a crystalline darkness and a few stars. I was angry, thinking there might be no rain to test the cave and give me the sounds of rain addressing a roof above my weary head. For half an hour I had this distress, and suffered bitterly, until the sky closed again and I could prepare myself for enjoyment.
	
	  t midnight I woke Arnett, and he rose cheerfully. He arranged his hay so that he could sit wrapped in it to the waist while he was keeping guard, and then said good night to me and began softly to hum an old tune.
	
	   was ready for sleep as I crawled slowly into my hay. Deep in it was the musty fragrance of summer; I distinguished three kinds of flower smells, and even found, with darkened fingers, a dry little bur soft to the touch that might have been a clover blossom. As I settled myself, I could feel a pollenous dust crossing the skin of my face and tickling the back of my neck under the shirt collar. I became dry in feeling, as if I too had lain curing through the wet autumn, in the high old barn on the hill.
	
	  n a little while I became warm also, and therefore ready for bliss, but for a while no bliss came. My left leg was stiff and sore from the ankle far up into the thigh, and there was an untouchable coldness in the toes of my left foot. There was a steady pain. I could not sleep, and in my wakefulness I remembered the tragic stories of my soldier's life.
	
	   grew angry; there was no rain, and so I softly cursed the weather, for a long time, until at last the rain began. It came hard and beating, just what I wanted, and yet it did not bring me sleep. I heard the drumming on the canvas, and in the not-quite-thorough darkness of a night in the midst of war I could just make out the canvas sagging with the accruing weight of water. I had what I wanted, and yet it did not suffice, and so my spirit for a while approached despair.
	
	  isappointments were severe in those troubled days. I was having an unpleasant time in that sweet hay, and then a thing happened that changed everything in an instant. The heavy rain at last grew too much for the moorings of the shelterhalf on Arnett's side of the hole; he had stretched the canvas too near the horizontal, and left no way for the water to run off, and so there were surely ten gallons of water gathered above his head. I did not see what happened, of course, for my eyes were closed, but I knew what it was. Arnett, sitting motionless, his face composed under his helmet, eyes watching out into the night, was allowing himself to remember his mother's face, perhaps, or the look of her kitchen; and then the shelter-half pulled free and loosed those gallons of Holland rain on his head like a flood sent from on high.
	
	 Gre't God A-mighty!" Arnett said, spluttering like one drowning. I opened my eyes and saw instantly what had happened: Arnett was floundering, shaking his dripping head and shoulders like old Neptune himself rising out of troubled waters. He tried standing up, and said: "My God, I'm drownded, the goddamned roof ..." And then he sat down again, his haunches splashing. "Oh, no," he groaned. "Oh, goddamned no!" Weakly he raised his right arm and then let it fall. "I'm all wet," he said. "And on a night like this I'll never get dry! "
	
	   half sat up, but then my leg hurt sharply, making me fall back. I shivered, and raised my shoulders, awaiting the shock of icy waters from Arnett's disaster, and for a moment I felt a savage fury that he had been so clumsy in building his side of the roof. "God damn it, Arnett," I called, and then stopped out of regard for our friendship. "Arnett?" I said again. It came to me that I was not yet dampened, and this was an enormous surprise. Cautiously I felt around in my hay, looking for signs of water; but there were none.
	
	  Arnett," I said. "My God, I'm dry! It all fell on you, you poor bastard!"
	
	  Son of a bitch!" Arnett shouted. He was standing now, thrashing his arms about wildly. "Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! You goddamned water, you rain, may you fairly die, you goddamn, cold, mis'able water!"
	
	  is hands fell to his sides, and he shook his head. "Oh, no," he said. "And I done so many good deeds today." Slumped over, he stood without moving, and suddenly I began to laugh.
	
	  e had helped me, he was the best friend I had in all the world, but I laughed at his misfortune as I have rarely laughed in my life. Tired and dejected, he stood without answering while I laughed with fury. After a long time he threw his wet hay out of the hole and sat down again, on the bare ground, to resume his guard, and I laughed even then. His silence was nothing to me; I could not care; and long after the night had grown quiet again I was still chuckling, deep in my warm hay smelling dryly of wild flowers and clover.
	
	   went to sleep without our speaking to each other again, and I slept a flowing, tide-like sleep that carried me with perfect ease into the wakening chill of the next morning. It was joyous sleep, and I was presiding over it as it happened, with some part of me that will be forever wakeful. I had enjoyment, and knew I was having it, and knew further that no man could ask for more from the earth and the curious things which grow upon it.
	
	   woke in the morning cheerful, with the full expectation that my life would soon improve in all its conditions. I was certain that good luck was coming; and so it did. Arnett had got over his disaster, and held nothing against me, so that we were friends as before. He helped me out of the hole, and caught me when I fell; he was sympathetic when it became apparent that I would not be able to walk all the way to breakfast at the cooks' truck.
	
	   was a cripple now; there was nothing left me but to say good-by to my friends and go to the hospitals. I went with the cooks, sitting in the cab of the truck with the driver and the mess sergeant. I was sorrowful at leaving all my old friends, but anxious to see what the hospitals had to offer, and so I traveled in great serenity of spirit; and of course it happened that the hospitals offered a great deal, enough to please any rational man, any soldier of the infantry.
	
	  t the first hospital there was a warm room filled with long narrow tables, at which doctors were working over other wounded men. On one of these tables I had my knee opened and dressed. I was warm once more, looking upward into bright unfocused light, and, being really not badly hurt, I could enjoy the sharpness of the doctor's scalpel. I could feel the edge with a shock of pleasure, knowing that the edge was exposing corruption and cutting it out. Without looking, I could feel the small flow of blood which followed the course of the knife, and enjoy that too, for I was only losing a tainted blood that any man would be happy to have out of him.
	
	  hen there was a ride in an ambulance to yet another hospital, where I stayed for a few hours in the late afternoon while a train was making up to carry a load of wounded to Paris. I was in Belgium now, far from the fighting. Over my supper I began to dream about the great luminous city to the south, and I could not quite believe in my good fortune when I was taken to the train at eight o'clock that night.
	
	  vents were passing me by, they happened so swiftly. I was borne from one fine place to another like a little boy on a roller-coaster, wild with joy, unable either to get off the car or make it stop. All the faces were friendly, all the machines aided my comfort. I was technically a walking wounded, and so I traveled in one of the standard carriages, and there the seats were fine, for the carriage was of the first class.
	
	  uddenly from walls broken and crumbling I was transported to walls beautifully finished in polished wood. With two other wounded men I established myself in luxury, with my left leg propped up on a little bench the nurse had brought in for me. I was astonished by the dark and glossy walls, and charmed by the patterns of flowers and trees inlaid under the final shellac; the images might have been reflected there, such was the effect, as if the walls had been the shut windows of an old house that mirror the rich, decaying gardens outside. The benches we sat on were covered with a heavy tapestry, on which were a parade of silver bushes and marble fountains, with little golden deer delicately walking by.
	
	   was dazzled, and then, of course, sleepy, but sleepy in a pleasant way; I only wanted to be fresh for the wonderful things the next day might bring. The train rolled southward, whistle screaming as in a dream of fast night trains, and we reached Paris before dawn. Then there was a ride in an ambulance, and disappointment that I would not see Paris that day, but the disappointment did not last.
	
	  here was a faint daylight at the hospital doors, and I knew I was entering a fine old building redolent with peace and charity. Above the doors, in a frieze, were sculptured naked angels and cherubic infants; they were gray figures almost lifelike in the hesitant light. Pigeons fluttered near, and as I entered the building I understood that the pigeons had the right to enjoy the mottled purity of the carved stone. Who would worry? The stone would last.
	
	  nside, there was a rhythm of care to draw me in, and I knew I had reached an end. Here I could rest, and be comforted. I was put to bed between sheets of English linen, under blankets of English wool, and the skin of a noble woman could not be finer to my touch than those humble fabrics were. I was fed on a pink ham, surely from the best of Virginia smokehouses, on yams, and asparagus smelling astonishingly of spring; and I was given fine coffee, in a white crockery cup. I talked to a nurse, who smiled at me; she was busy, and she was plainly a dutiful type, but I was her duty, and so in a way she belonged to me.
	
	  here was so much to be grateful for that I began to feel guilty, as if no single man could merit such care. Men were dying within those walls, I knew, for I had seen rooms closed behind placards which said that no visitors were allowed, and I had sensed, on my passage upstairs to my ward, several ominous movements of nurses and doctors; they would be walking softly, as if on tiptoe, and solemnly like priests, and they could not fool me. Death was all about me, and might even have left its stench in some of the darker corridors and more distant rooms. And of course I was curious, remembering stories I had heard of other military hospitals; I wondered whether I would have duties in this strange, delightful place, and so I asked the doctor who came to see me, as soon as he had finished his examination.
	
	  Will I have duties here, sir? Like making the bed and scrubbing the floor, say?"
	
	  Of course not," he answered. "Don't even think about it." He was a short, dark man wearing gold-rimmed spectacles; a major, a middle-aged man. He looked shrewd and good-humored, and it came to me, as a summation of all my pieces of wonderful luck, that he was a man I could trust; and so I spoke quite frankly.
	
	  What will I have to do here, then?" I asked. "What should I do?"
	
	  Why, just get well, son," he said. "That's all. And enjoy yourself. Don't you like it here? Well, then, enjoy it, there's your duty. Maybe later on you'll be able to go out and see if Paris suits you. It's easy. You'll see. Don't you know how to be happy any more?"
	
	  Happy?" I said, and took thought. "My God, in all my life I've never been so happy!"
	
	  ndeed, will I ever be so happy again?

	

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