Wanting to be closer to Eddie, Shawn got up, crossed the room and finally stopped to lean against the white tiled countertop

Eddie looked at her. Really looked at her.

Shawn’s chin was tilted up, her mouth curved in a forced smile. And her eyes—those eyes he could read, always.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he gave in to instinct. To what his heart wanted. To what he needed. Stepping back, he curved his arms around Shawn and pulled her close.

Automatically she wrapped her arms around him, tucked her chin against his chest and leaned close. Her clean scent filled his senses. Her soft skin felt incredibly familiar.

Right then, out of the blue, Eddie realized that all those feelings that he used to have for Shawn were still alive and well.

Dear Reader,

Though it seems not all that long ago, I remember the exact moment I met my husband. It was the second week of summer school before our freshman year in college. He was sitting at a lunch table in an old T-shirt and gym shorts and had a cast on his right arm. I had on a black sundress. Someone—I forget who—introduced us, and right then and there I knew he was the guy for me.

This past July we celebrated our twentieth anniversary.

I wish I could say that we’ve never had a single disagreement, but that wouldn’t be the truth. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs! But it’s because of them—not in spite of them—that we’re still happily married.

When I got the opportunity to write about a couple having some trouble but still very much in love, I jumped at the chance. It was fun and challenging to write a romance about two people who’ve been through so much but still have a lot to learn—about themselves and each other.

I hope you enjoy the book.

I love to hear from readers. Please visit my Web site at www.shelleygalloway.com and let me know how you liked the book.

All my best,

Shelley Galloway

Baby Makes Six

SHELLEY GALLOWAY

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Shelley Galloway loves to get up early, drink too much coffee and write books. These pastimes come in handy during her day-to-day life in southern Ohio. Most days she can be found driving her teenagers to their various activities, writing romances in her basement or trying to get ahead of her pile of laundry. She’s also been known to talk to her miniature dachshund, Suzy, as if she actually has opinions about books.

Shelley is the proud recipient of an RT Book Reviews Reviewer’s Choice Award for her 2006 release, Simple Gifts. Shelley attends several conferences every year and loves to meet readers. She also spends a lot of time online. Please visit her at eHarlequin.com or at www.shelleygalloway.com.

Books by Shelley Galloway

HARLEQUIN AMERICAN ROMANCE

1090—CINDERELLA CHRISTMAS

1134—SIMPLE GIFTS

1156—A SMALL-TOWN GIRL

1183—THE GOOD MOTHER

1212—THE MOMMY BRIDE

1244—MOMMY IN TRAINING

This book is for Tom, of course.
The past twenty-five years
sure wouldn’t have been as wonderful without you.

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Epilogue

Chapter One

Shawn Wagner shifted an overstuffed beach bag from one shoulder to the other and tried to concentrate on how good the cool, damp sand felt underneath her toes. The Florida surf crashed gently against the shore, the waves foaming along the coastline, rhythmically calming her nerves and reminding her how much was inevitable.

Just like the tide rolling in, she, too, would go on. Being pregnant again wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.

But still…this pregnancy had caught her by surprise.

She strolled along, frustrated that she couldn’t find the spot where they’d set up camp yesterday. It was so perfect, too. Quiet, near three big rocks. A wide patch of sand for the girls to build sand castles in.

But…none of the rocks they were walking by looked familiar. As the girls giggled and marched in front of her, Shawn paused again. Had they gone left after the third green garbage can or right?

“Mommy, what are you doing?” Mary called.

“Trying to remember where we set all our stuff yesterday.”

“Oh.” Ever eager to please, Mary stood by her side like a little sentry, looking this way and that.

But really, every spot on the beach looked pretty much the same.

“Kit, do you remember where we were yesterday?”

Her five-year-old looked around. “Uh-huh.”

“You sure?”

“Uh-huh!” Grabbing three-year-old Elsie’s hand, Kit started walking again. “Come on. It’s this way.”

Slipping her hand into Mary’s outstretched one, Shawn grinned. “Let’s follow our leader.”

“How come Kit always knows where to go?”

“I don’t know. I guess she’s got a lot of your daddy in her.”

“I never remember.” Worriedly, Mary chewed on her lip. “Does that mean I’m like you?”

It was humbling to realize that her middle child was actually worried about that possibility. “Maybe.” When they finally reached their destination and stopped in front of Kit, who was holding Elsie’s hand with more patience than usual, Shawn said, “Good job, honey. This is the exact place where we were yesterday.”

Kit’s smile could have outshone the sun. “Hooray!”

“Hooray is right. Let’s get settled, ladies.” With little fanfare, Shawn set down the beach bag, dug around for the king-size quilt, then shook it out over the soft-as-powder surface. Grains of sand flew up in its wake.

Once the wrinkles were smoothed out, Mary and Kit set up their towels, toys and floats. Elsie occupied herself by scooping up sand and watching it run through her fingers.

Shawn wondered just how in the world she was going to manage four girls. Because really, some days, she wasn’t so sure she managed all that well with three.

Well, that was an understatement if she ever heard one. No matter what she did, things just seemed to naturally go awry. She forgot where she parked because she was thinking about grocery-store coupons. She was late for almost everything because three girls didn’t always follow directions right away.

Being late, a little scattered and sometimes absentminded didn’t bother her. She figured it was a temporary thing, and probably not uncommon. After all, hadn’t she just read about other moms contracting “momnesia,” too? It had to be fairly prevalent for someone to have made up a new term to describe moms who forgot things.

And, well, with three kids under six, Shawn figured she was entitled to have a bit of momnesia every now and then.

Unfortunately, her faults had long stopped being endearing to Eddie. In fact, he’d only seemed amused by her antics when they were dating. Soon after they’d taken vows, it became apparent that he wished she was a little more on the ball.

But they’d been in love and they’d had three beautiful girls together. Then she’d lost the baby. Though the doctor had promised that there was no reason for the miscarriage, both she and Eddie had tried to find a cause.

She’d started blaming Eddie for not helping enough. And he, well, Eddie had mentioned the way she’d carried Elsie around nonstop. Even though he knew Elsie had pretty much clung like a koala from the moment she was born.

After that big fight, they’d both apologized. Eddie had been particularly remorseful, saying he’d had no right to ever say such things. That of course the miscarriage had been nobody’s fault.

But some things couldn’t be forgotten.

So after Elsie turned two, neither could take the arguing anymore. They’d separated. Six months later they’d divorced.

Funny how that divorce hadn’t made things between them any easier. One night four months ago they went a little too far back down memory lane. And now she was pregnant again.

“Mom, where’s the sunscreen?” Kit fumbled through the mesh beach bag, tossing toys out carelessly. As two bright red shovels landed at Elsie’s feet, she looked Shawn’s way again. “I can’t find it.”

“I know I packed it today. Let’s see what’s under these toys.”

“Daddy doesn’t like it when we empty toy bags and bins like that,” Mary said. “He said it makes a big mess that’s hard to clean up.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing he’s not here, hmm?”

Though she’d already doused them in sunscreen, she dutifully helped them apply another layer. Then, after a warning to mind the surf, she watched her two oldest grab pails and shovels and run to the water.

And when she finally sat down, it was next to Elsie, who was now looking very grown-up in one of Mary’s old suits.

This was supposed to be a new year, a new beginning. The divorce was final, the girls were finally adjusting to seeing one parent at a time, and Elsie was out of diapers.

Funny how things weren’t going as planned. Now, instead of taking the changing table and crib over to Goodwill, she was going to have to pull it out of the attic again—this time by herself. No way was she going to get Eddie involved—at least not for a while. The difficulties a new pregnancy would bring were just too harmful.

Tugging on the hem of her tank top, Elsie claimed her attention again. “Momma, I’m thirsty.”

Shawn handed her a juice box, followed by the requisite Goldfish crackers. When her baby was happily sipping and munching, Shawn watched Kit and Mary do their favorite beach activity—building a giant sand castle.

Oh, they loved coming to the beach—thank goodness for Bill and Sharon Wagner. Just months after she and Eddie had separated, his parents had stopped over out of the blue.

After catching up for a few minutes, they’d given her a key to their condo. “Eddie may be breaking up with you, but we’re certainly not,” Sharon had said. “Promise us you’ll come to Bishop’s Gate with the girls at least once a month.”

Shawn had been thrilled, but reluctant to make things uncomfortable for Eddie. “You sure about that?”

Bill had placed the key in her hand and curved her fingers around it. “Very sure.”

The girls loved the weekends in the tiny beach community just thirty minutes outside Destin so much that Shawn agreed to the arrangement, even thought it meant that they saw Eddie a little bit more than she’d like. Eddie had bought a condo at Bishop’s Gate almost as soon as they separated.

When snack time was over, Shawn walked Elsie to the castle construction zone and dropped onto the damp sand next to the other girls.

They sat for a few minutes, Elsie content to watch her sisters, Shawn happy to sit in silence and watch the waves crash along the shore.

Looking up, Kit narrowed her eyes. “Momma, is that Daddy?”

Shawn’s head popped up. There was only one man who could fill out a T-shirt like that. Only one man who walked with such confidence. “I believe it is.”

“Who’s that he’s with?”

“I don’t know.” With effort, Shawn looked away from her former husband and concentrated on the woman by his side. All Shawn could see were long legs and long blond hair.

Kit frowned as she dug a moat. “Why’s he here now? Tomorrow is when we’re going to the aquarium.”

Keeping her voice calm and reassuring, Shawn said, “I don’t think he planned on seeing us.”

“Because he’s with that pretty lady?”

“Yep.” Forcing a smile, Shawn added, “I’m sure Daddy’s still taking you tomorrow and that you’ll have a great time.”

Mary packed wet sand in her pail. “Are you going to come?”

“Probably not. Daddy likes having the three of you to himself.”

“I don’t think so.” Mary widened her eyes. “He says when we’re all together, we’re like a pack of wild animals.”

“Y’all can be—but only sometimes.” Ruffling Mary’s wispy hair, she said, “Other times I think you’re just fine.”

“But you still love us?”

“Always. Daddy loves you, too.”

Standing up, Kit looked knowingly at Mary and Elsie. “Daddy loves us, he just doesn’t want to live with us no more.”

“Daddy doesn’t want to live with me,” she gently corrected. “Daddy and I are the ones with the problems. Not you three.”

Kit frowned. “That’s what you always say.”

“I say it because it’s the truth.”

As the girls pondered that and stared at their daddy—who seemed oblivious to them—Shawn did some pondering herself.

What had happened, anyway? First they were living the dream. Next it felt as if they were constantly fighting. He’d come home exhausted and only want to sit and watch TV, instead of helping to get dinner on the table.

His patience with her hadn’t been at an all-time high, either. He got frustrated when he came home to a messy house and crying kids. Even though he well knew she couldn’t be perfect if she’d tried.

For a little while she had tried real hard—but then she’d lost the baby and nothing seemed to matter.

However, in her heart, Shawn knew she still loved him. There was something about him that struck her fancy and held on tight.

And, oh, but he could kiss.

And he was certainly capable in a crisis. Four months ago, when they’d been spending the weekend at the beach and Mary had contracted a fever, she’d called him, asking if he could run to the store for Popsicles and another bottle of children’s Tylenol. He’d ended up staying until all three girls fell asleep.

They really should’ve known what was going to happen. One hug had morphed into one kiss—which had never been enough. Before her mind could put a stop to shenanigans, their clothes had been off and they’d been sprawled sideways on her king-size bed.

“Mommy?”

“Sorry. What, Kit?”

“Daddy’s coming closer!”

There was no reason for her heart to start pounding. No reason for her to care at all. Everything between them was over. O-v-e-r.

It was just such a shame that she couldn’t turn those feelings off.

Swallowing hard, she firmly told herself to move on. It was time. It really was. “Well, girls, let’s see what happens when he notices us. I bet he’s going to be real surprised.”

Mary beamed. “I’m gonna say ‘Boo’ and then he’s gonna jump up high and be surprised! That will be real fun to see.”

“Yes, it will,” Shawn agreed, brushing back a tender wisp of hair from her brow. “It’s going to be a sight to see, I just know it.”

“EDDIE, AREN’T THOSE your girls? I swear they look just like the girls in the pictures you showed me.”

Eddie turned away from admiring the way Jayne’s thick blond hair curled on her shoulder to glance in the direction she was staring. “Yep. And with them is my ex.”

“Shawn?”

“Uh-huh. That’s her.”

Crystal-blue eyes looked faintly accusing. “You didn’t tell me she was so pretty.”

“She’s okay.” Eddie knew he was lying. Shawn was downright beautiful, even after three kids. Long tan legs. Soft feminine arms and shoulders. Rounded hips. A waist that practically yelled for hands to encircle it.

Even after everything they’d gone through, he was still drawn to his ex. Some days he’d wondered if that tender feeling—that attraction—would ever go away.

Some days he wondered if he even wanted it to. From the moment he’d first talked to Shawn on the phone, she’d made him feel more alive. Those feelings had intensified during their courtship and marriage.

And then, of course, it had dissolved into only a shadow of its former self.

Jayne’s steps slowed. “So…those really are your kids?”

“Yes. All girls. I told you I had three.” For a moment the statement hit him hard. Once, they’d been going to have more.

“They’re so close in age.”

Pulling himself back to the present, Eddie nodded. “I know.” He and Shawn never had been good at spacing things—not schedules, not arguments, not babies. When Jayne still looked at them warily, he did the inevitable. “We can turn around if you want.”

“We can’t do that—what if they saw us?”

“They haven’t.” If they’d seen him, his girls would be on their feet, and Shawn…well, Shawn would be looking him and Jayne over without an ounce of shyness.

Jayne steeled her shoulders. “I’d like to meet them. Meet all of them.”

“All right, then. Come on, I’ll introduce you.” When Jayne stepped a little closer and possessively slipped her hand in his, he forced himself to relax. Jayne was great. Jayne was perfect for him. And though he hadn’t planned on introducing Shawn to her anytime soon, there was no time like the present. But he had a feeling this was going to get awkward.

“Daddy, you did see us!” all three of his daughters cried as they jumped to their feet.

He looked at his ex. “I did?”

“We’ve been watching you two,” Shawn explained. “The girls were wondering when you were going to notice them.”

“We surprised you, Daddy!” Mary squealed. “Though I was gonna get you good and say ‘Boo!’” She tickled his waist for emphasis.

Eddie pretended to jump in fright. Mary laughed. The joyful sound was so contagious, he couldn’t help but chuckle, too. “You got me good. I’m glad to see you.” By the time he hugged all three girls and kissed three foreheads, his tension was forgotten.

Until Shawn stepped forward and held out her hand to Jayne. “Hi. Shawn Wagner.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jayne said.

Eddie wasn’t sure if it was the voice of steel that Jayne suddenly adopted, the ironic smile Shawn was displaying or the curious looks of the girls—but he definitely did feel like he’d just jumped in the deep end and was treading water for dear life.

Especially when Jayne slipped her hand in his again.

After an interminable moment of silence, Shawn said, “So, are y’all out for a walk?”

“Yep.” He cleared his throat. “Girls, this is Jayne. Jayne, please meet Kit, Mary and Elsie.”

“I’m the oldest,” Kit proclaimed.

Jayne smiled broadly. “You sure are! I love your bikini! I’d love to get one just like it.”

Kit tilted her face up. “Really? My mommy says she doesn’t wear bikinis no more.”

When Jayne turned to Shawn, Shawn patted her stomach with a hint of a smile. “Three kids, you know.”

For a split second, he’d been tempted to correct her. To remind Shawn that she’d had four children. Four.

Amazing how much the word three still affected him. Would the pain of her miscarriage ever begin to fade?

After a moment’s silence Shawn rescued the conversation. “We’ve, uh, just found a crab in the sea. He’s pale orange.”

“And pretty! Want to see?” Mary asked.

“You bet I do.” Jayne followed the girls a few feet away, then crouched and nodded at the little crab while the girls started talking a mile a minute.

Momentarily alone, Eddie turned to Shawn again. “So, are you okay at my parents’ place? Do you need anything?”

“Nope. We’re good.”

“That’s…good. You look nice.” Shawn had on an oversize orange tank top and worn khaki shorts that looked soft against her skin. The vibrant, happy color made her tan seem even more golden.

She chuckled. “Do I? I never got around to putting on makeup today. And this tank top is so old, I bet you’ve seen it a hundred times.”

“I guess I have.” Once, he’d slipped it off over her head when the girls were napping. He swallowed quickly as his mouth went dry.

And standing there, with the surf echoing behind them and the tang of salt in the air, he still caught the familiar scent of his ex-wife. Nivea lotion and something fresh and clean.

He tried not to notice.

She raised an eyebrow. “So…were your ears burning?”

“Huh?”

“We were just talking about you. Kit wanted to know if you remembered that you’d promised to take them to the marina and the aquarium tomorrow.”

“I remembered. Of course I remembered.”

Brown eyes flashed. “Sorry. I forgot that I was the forgetful one.”

As the girls started looking for more shells, Jayne joined Shawn and Eddie again. “What’s ‘Kit’ short for? Katherine?”

“No. It’s for Katrina Elizabeth.” Shawn chuckled as a wave crashed a little closer, spraying her arm like a wayward garden hose. “That name was too big for such a tiny baby. Eddie called her Kit before we even got home from the hospital.”

Memories slammed him. Remembering how scared he’d been during Kit’s birth. How awed he’d been by Shawn. That tender possessiveness he’d felt for that baby girl the moment she’d come into the world.

The emotions were still too strong for comfort. “We’d better get going. We—”

“We have lunch plans,” Jayne inserted.

“Oh. Well, I hope you have fun.”

“I’ll pick the girls up at ten tomorrow morning.”

Back went Shawn’s mask. The one she wore whenever they’d argued. Which, by the time Elsie was two—by the time they’d lost the baby—had been a lot. “You sure you don’t want me to drop them off? It’s no trouble.”

“It’s not for me, either. I’ll pick them up.”

Shawn took a step back. “Fine.” She smoothed her hands over her hips like she always did. Like she’d done when they were married, when she was uncomfortable. But as she did so, she bit her lip and groaned. Her face went a little pale, too.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Very much so.”

After hugging the girls and promising he’d see them on Sunday, he took Jayne’s hand and they started walking again.

It seemed like an eternity before he couldn’t hear his girls’ squeals of laughter anymore. Before he wasn’t tempted to turn around and make sure they were okay.

“They’re darling, Eddie,” Jayne murmured after they walked into the cool shade of Pelican’s Roost, a beach café on the boardwalk. “I mean, really.”

“Thanks.”

When they were seated on bamboo chairs and given oversize menus to peruse, she spoke again. “Can I come with you tomorrow? I’m sure another pair of eyes and hands might come in handy.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think we better go slow as far as the girls are concerned. They’re still getting used to the divorce. It’s only been a few months.”

“I know it’s only been technically a few months…but you were separated for a while before that. Right?”

“That’s right, but things are still a little bumpy.” Eddie closed his eyes briefly, hoping to remove the memory of an emotion-packed night just four months ago. That January evening had been chilly.

Shawn had lit the fireplace to warm things up. And boy, did it. From the moment his lips had touched hers, flames seemed to burn as bright as ever between them.

Returning to the present, Eddie cleared his throat. “Like I said, I better just be on my own with them.”

“You know, it’s probably good you’re giving your ex a break,” Jayne said casually, after their monster glasses of iced tea were delivered. “She looked kind of worn-out.”

“Did she?” He’d thought she looked…like Shawn.

Jayne tapped her glowing cheeks. “A little sallow. She probably just needs more sleep.”

“Huh.” Something had been off, but it was most likely their appearance. Shoot, he knew he’d feel awkward if she’d shown up holding some other guy’s hand.

Actually, Eddie wondered if he would have handled the situation half as well.

He kind of doubted it.

Chapter Two

Going to the marina had been a really bad idea from the get-go, Eddie decided as soon as he got all three girls buckled up in the car and was headed toward Shawn’s.

Toward his old home.

As the girls watched the Disney movie he’d popped in, he reviewed the past four hours. They had been something else, that was for sure. From the moment he and his daughters had stepped into the cool darkened corridors of the Bishop’s Gate Aquarium, he’d hardly been able to keep track of them. Every time he turned around, one was darting off to see one of the “pretty fishes.” It had taken them so long to get through the shark tunnel they’d missed their scheduled IMAX show, which Kit had not taken well. She’d just about had a meltdown next to the turtle exhibit.

Had Kit always been so…rigid? More importantly, had he always been so ineffectual? He’d corralled drunken Marines with greater ease.

Determined to make things better, he’d exchanged the tickets for the next show and used the time to get the girls ice cream.

He let them each have two scoops, then watched in dismay as only half was ingested—the other half seemed to run down their shirts and hands.

Which meant a really fun time in the restroom, washing sticky cheeks and fingers. Thank goodness for the family restroom. Otherwise he’d have been up a creek.

Later, after they’d gone into the theater and struggled over who was sitting next to whom, two out of three had fallen asleep in the cool auditorium.

Only Elsie had been awake.

Which hadn’t been good.

Seemed three-year-olds weren’t real fond of movies showing all kinds of unique fish. She’d liked the larger-than-life illustration of seals eating penguins even less.

The whole circle-of-life idea hadn’t meant a damn thing.

Now Eddie was ashamed to admit that he was actually looking forward to dropping the girls off, going back to his condo and having a beer. Maybe two.

Shoot. Maybe six.

As soon as he drove into the neighborhood, he dialed Shawn’s number—his old home number. “We’re in the neighborhood.”

“I’ll open up the garage door.”

“Thanks, Shawn. They wore me out.”

But instead of chuckling like she used to do, all Eddie heard was an irritated sigh. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later Eddie was driving back out of the neighborhood. Feeling curiously alone. Almost let down, too. The girls had hugged him goodbye, then went in the house, Shawn hardly saying more than was necessary.

And now that he was heading back to his spotless condominium, he was feeling a little blue. There was such a glaring difference between life with all three girls and life without them.

Whenever he dropped them off, it felt like someone took the volume of his life and turned it halfway down. Yeah, that’s what it felt like. Everything was running just a little bit too quietly.

He wondered if Shawn ever felt like that, too. He’d never dared to ask.

Even though he’d met someone new, sometimes he missed his old life so much it hurt—even when his head told him he was being a sentimental fool.

WORK ON TUESDAY morning brought the kind of stability Shawn was craving. As she sat in the break room with her friend Tricia, she wondered again if she’d been too harsh with Eddie on Sunday night.

He’d looked like he’d been through the wringer with those girls—though she could have told him taking all three to the marina and aquarium center was a bit ambitious, even for the most skilled parent.

Which he definitely was not.

“You going to eat that whole muffin, Shawn?” Tricia asked. “It looks big enough to feed a family of four.”

“I’m going to try,” she said, picking up another chunk and popping it into her mouth. “I’ve been so hungry, I didn’t know if ten-thirty was ever going to come.”

“Did you not eat breakfast?”

“I ate. I’m, uh, just hungry again.” Yep, no one could ever say she didn’t thrive when she was expecting. To her chagrin, Shawn knew that within a few weeks, she’d be positively blooming. This pregnancy felt very much like her previous ones with the girls. Trying to come up with a believable excuse for her hunger, she said, “I get so used to eating every two hours when I’m home.”

Tricia crumbled up the wrapper to her breakfast bar before standing up to refill her coffee. “That’s good, I guess. All the diet books say to eat often. Now if only I could get used to this schedule, I’d be doing great.”

“You will soon, I promise.”

“I hope so.” Tentatively Tricia said, “Part of me really misses child care. I don’t enjoy all the rules and regulations here.”

Those rules and regulations were exactly why Shawn liked the Carnegie Airlines call center. She was good at her job, and she received recognition for a job well-done often.

That was a whole lot different from life as a mom. At home no one was around to say “good job” for doing five loads of laundry. Or for playing house and dolls with a four-year-old, instead of paying bills.

Or planning playdates and church outings and scheduling dentist appointments.

Oh, she was going to keep this job as long as she could. It felt comfortable at Carnegie. Before the girls came, she used to work forty hours a week, now she hovered around twenty.

But practically every moment she was there was regimented. The phone calls were sometimes demanding. The pace grueling—a new call came approximately every 360 seconds.

But she was good at it. And here, she didn’t have to think about Eddie or babies or how she still had a pile of dishes in the sink and a load of laundry in the washing machine. She could objectively see how well she performed and pinpoint areas where she needed to improve.

The job was the complete opposite of motherhood, where everything felt questionable and she constantly forgot parking places, snacks and thirty other things a day. Here, at Carnegie, she felt useful and appreciated—the complete opposite of how Eddie had started to make her feel.

He’d never fully embraced her job, either. She knew it was because his life as a cop was so precarious. Because of that, he liked one of them to be home all the time. But she’d never agreed with that.

It was yet another area where they’d clashed. And yet another reason she was going to wait as long as possible to tell him about the baby. He’d have plenty to say about her going off birth control—like she should have known they’d sleep together sooner or later.

“The money’s good,” Shawn said, trying to come up with anything to push the job in Tricia’s favor. Though she’d made lots of friends at Carnegie, she and Tricia had become especially close.

“I thought I’d like the change of pace, but I’m really thinking of either taking kids in at my house or being a nanny or something.”

Shawn blinked. Against her will, she started imagining just how great Tricia would be with her kids. Especially when the baby came.

“I didn’t want to tell you things weren’t working out for me here—after all, you were so nice to give me a reference.” Tricia was prevented from adding any more comments by the not-so-subtle chime on the oversize clock above them. Glaring at the timepiece, she said, “Back to the grind.”

Grabbing her can of soda, Shawn carefully wrapped up the last of her muffin. Remembering also how Tricia was always on the lookout for a new guy, she teased, “Maybe your afternoon will be better. Who knows—you just might talk to someone tall, dark and handsome today.”

“Doubt it. Most likely I’ll only speak to people who want me to tell them all about our airline specials and flight times and then book a flight on the Internet.” Blowing dark auburn bangs off her forehead, she added, “Not everyone falls in love on the phone here. Only you.”

“I didn’t fall in love on the phone.”

“Still, it was romantic,” Tricia said right before they parted ways at their cubicles. “Your story about how you and Eddie met on the phone is the best ever.”

It had been, Shawn mused as she slid back into her rolling chair and slipped her headset on. Eddie had still been in the military and had been trying to get home.

She’d done everything she could to help him, especially since he’d had the kind of voice that screamed alpha male. So masculine. Sure-sounding. Almost gravelly.

Oh, he’d been so sexy.

By the time they’d disconnected, he’d known her name, and she’d known that he’d grown up only a few hours away.

And though she sometimes hated to remember, by the end of that phone call, she’d known she’d fallen in love.

She still didn’t understand how that feeling could have faded away.

Chapter Three

“You working a double shift, Eddie?” Sal Temple called out from the other end of the community room in the police station.

Eddie pushed E5 on the vending machine. Slowly the mechanical arm retrieved a red Gatorade. “Yeah.”

Crossing the room, Sal fumbled in his pocket, pulled out two bucks and slipped the bills in the slot of the machine as soon as Eddie stepped away. After a pressing a few buttons, a Snickers bar free-fell to the bottom. “Didn’t you work a double shift last Thursday, too?”

“I did.” Curious, Eddie looked a little more closely at his lieutenant. “You keeping track of me?”

“No, just wondering why you’re working so much.”

Eddie didn’t have a real reason, other than he hated going home to an empty place and extra money always came in handy. Especially now that he had child support and Jayne. Jayne liked nice dinners. “The money’s good,” he said.

“It’s only good if you’re around to enjoy the stuff you can buy with it. Overtime can kill a guy, you know.” Thumping on his chest for good measure, he added, “You’ve got to watch your heart.”

“It’s ticking just fine. Don’t worry so much.”

“I’m just looking after you. Someone’s got to, you know.” As he neatly placed his candy bar on his stack of paperwork, Sal said, “By the way, I heard you’ve got a new girl.”

Eddie almost choked. “Where did you hear that?”

“The usual way, the grapevine.” Sal looked him up and down. “So, Wagner, is it true?”

“I’m seeing someone, but it’s not serious. I wouldn’t call her my girl.”

“Uh-huh. When did you get divorced?”

“It was final four months ago.” Eddie closed his eyes for a moment as he heard his tone—completely defensive. “Sal, Shawn and I were separated six months before that. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“Still—” Sal clucked. “—it’s kind of soon for a rebound gal.” Wagging a finger, he said, “You gotta watch those women, you know. She’s probably looking for a ring. Don’t want to rush into anything.”

Oh, these old guys, always imagining the worst! “Jayne’s not a rebound anything, and she’s certainly not looking for a ring already. She’s nice, Sal. I promise. Plus, she’s a teacher.”

To his surprise, Sal didn’t look too impressed. “Humph.”

“She’s educated and good with kids. She’s a dynamite person. Organized, too.” Actually, there were a lot of things to admire about her.

“I liked Shawn. Even more, I liked you with her. I thought you two were good together. She kept you lively.”

“I’m plenty lively now.” He didn’t want to be any livelier, anyway. Living with Shawn had been exhausting. He never knew what she was planning or what she had in mind.

Sometimes, those spur-of-the-moment decisions stressed him out—like the time he’d come home from work to find a trio of suitcases in the kitchen. Without consulting him, she’d decided they needed to take the girls to Disney World because there was a special going on.

Yes, they’d had fun, but the whole while he’d been wishing for just a few hours of downtime. Every time he’d tried to tell her about the rape case he’d been working on, she’d changed the subject. Like it was going to mess up their holiday.

Jayne was the exact opposite. Calm. Serene. On time. She kept a database of all the books she read. He admired that. “You weren’t married to Shawn, Sal.”

Eddie hated like hell to snap at his lieutenant, but honestly, did the old guy have to comment on everything in his life? Tell him exactly what he thought about things? He had parents who already did that. “Shawn’s the mother of my children. She’ll always be special to me. But we’re through. It’s over.”

“I hear you.” Sal put down his stacks of folders and bit off a chunk of his candy bar. “So how is Shawn? How’s she doing?”

“Fine, as far as I know.” He couldn’t deny that she looked just fine at the beach.

“Is she working?”

“Twenty hours or so a week at Carnegie Airlines.” He’d always hated how it took her away from him. She was always sprinting either to work or home. She’d never understood how much he’d counted on things being settled when he got home from a long shift. Months before they separated, he’d be lucky to find milk in the fridge.

“I always liked hearing her stories about the customers.”

“The thing is, it’s not like she has a career—she answers the phones. Shawn makes that job sound like it’s amazing. Like she’s helping to change the world.”

“She told me once that she helped a lady get funeral tickets,” Sal chided, telling him pretty plainly that he didn’t like Eddie’s tone of voice. “I thought that was special.”

“She told everyone that story because that was the only big thing that happened. Most of the time, all she does is listen to people complain and try to help them.”

“Sometimes that sounds like our life, huh, Wagner?”

To his surprise, Eddie realized he was sweating. Remembering all their problems got him worked up like nothing else. Privately he knew he’d made plenty of mistakes, too. He’d been so upset about losing the baby that he hadn’t thought about her needs enough. “I’m sorry about snapping at you. Thanks, you know, for caring.”

“I have to. I used to work with your dad, though he decided to retire early. So it’s up to me to look out for you.” Talking around another bite of chocolate and peanuts, he barked, “Watch your overtime. There will still be bad guys when you get back on your next shift. I promise.”

“I hear you.”

Sal slapped him on the back, then picked up his trash and wandered out of the room. Eddie grinned when he heard Sal’s booming voice target another officer.

All their business would always be the lieutenant’s, too.

LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Eddie wondered what it had been about Shawn that made everyone like her so much. Liked them together so much.

So far, he wasn’t getting much positive feedback about Jayne, which surprised the hell out of him. What was not to like?

“It’s just that she’s so young, Eddie,” his mom said when he stopped by his parents’ house for dinner.

“She’s not that young. Only seven years younger. She’s almost thirty.”

“She seems younger. She’s got so much blond hair, and she’s perpetually chipper.”

“That’s because she doesn’t have kids. She teaches them, instead.”

Unfortunately his mom didn’t take the bait, about how great it was that he was dating someone who was educated, committed and had summers off.

She’d be the perfect person to live with. The girls would grow to love her, too.

As his mom scooped the leftover mashed potatoes out of the serving bowl and into one of her many Tupperware containers, she said, “Shawn is doing a wonderful job with Kit, Mary and Elsie. She’s a good mother. And smart, too. I won’t let you act like she isn’t.”

What was it with everyone? “I never said Shawn wasn’t smart.”

“You insinuated it, Eddie.”

“Not really.” Feeling vaguely like he was still a teenager, he commented, “So when are you going to be in my fan club?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean that lately everyone I meet is feeling just fine reminding me about how great Shawn was. I didn’t dump her. It was a mutual decision.”

“Hmm. Is she dating someone?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“She’s not!” his sister, Melanie, called out from the back room.

Eddie resented the intrusion. “Melanie, no one asked you what you thought.”

“I can’t help but tell you. You’re being ridiculous.”

“So are you.”

“Stop snapping at your sister, Eddie.”

“She’s thirty years old, Ma.”

In reply, his mom handed him yet another Tupperware container. “Put the meat loaf in this, please.”

Eddie took the container and did as he was asked, though he could have sworn he heard Melanie snickering.

No matter how he tried, it seemed as if no one was going to let him move on.

SHAWN WAS RUNNING late again. “Girls, if you don’t hurry, Daddy is going to have to eat all by himself.” Grabbing two little rolling suitcases, she picked them up with one hand and looked for either Mary or Elsie to put in a car seat. Now that Kit only needed a booster and could easily get herself in and out of it, things moved a little more quickly, but even Kit’s help didn’t erase the minutes she’d lost trying to find Elsie’s blankie and baby.

Elsie wouldn’t have lasted twenty minutes on the road without her two favorite security items. Unfortunately she’d left them on the bathroom floor—which was the last place Shawn had thought to look for them.

When no little brown heads appeared, Shawn became more impatient. “Girls? Now.”

Kit skipped in from the garage. “I’ve been out here, Mommy. I’ve been ready.”

“It would have been nice if you could have told me you were in the garage.”

“You were looking for Elsie’s fuzzies.” Kit took one of the little suitcases, bumped it down the wooden stairs and wheeled it over to the Mazda minivan.

Shawn knew her ever-practical daughter was right. “Yep, the fuzzy search made us late for sure.”

“Later,” Kit corrected. “You were late picking us up, Mommy. Mrs. Henderson said so.”

“Only by twenty minutes.”

Returning to Shawn’s side, Kit said, “Mrs. Henderson said being late is rude.”

“So is gossiping.” Shawn appreciated how qualified Mrs. Henderson was, but she sure didn’t appreciate the lady’s penchant for speaking her mind.

When Mary and Elsie appeared, Shawn picked up Mary and motioned her oldest to Elsie, now grasping her blankie and baby with two arms. “Kit, honey, grab Elsie’s hand for me. As soon as we get buckled up, we’ll be on our way.”

If she got them in the car right away and hit every green light and there wasn’t too much traffic on the highway, they might make it to Eddie’s condo only an hour late.

With a huff, Kit led Elsie to the car. Just then Mary squirmed. “I forgot my backpack!”

“Go get it. Quickly.”

Mary ran in, then seconds later, ran out, slamming the door behind her.

Shawn didn’t even chastise her for that, simply buckled her in. After double-checking that Elsie and Kit were buckled in, too, she cheered. “Hooray! We’re on our way!”

“Hooray!” the girls echoed.

Shawn rushed to the driver’s seat, mentally estimating their new time of arrival. But as she pulled the seat belt with one hand, she realized the awful truth.

Her purse was still in the house.

“Hold on, girls,” she called, though a sense of foreboding filled her.

Of course, it was just as she feared—the door was locked. And in her purse were the keys and her cell phone.

Shoot.

Forcing a smile, she opened up the sliding door to the minivan and met the concerned expressions of her three daughters. “Girls, let’s get you unbuckled. We’re going to have to walk over to the Bartlets’ and see if we can use the phone. I locked the keys in the house.”

“But we gotta go see Daddy!” Mary whined.

“We will. We’ve just got to see the locksmith first.”

“I hope the lockman hurries,” said Kit.

“I do, too,” Shawn murmured. Because if they were much later, Eddie was gonna have a cow.

He was probably already beside himself. And once again, she hadn’t met his expectations.

Chapter Four

Where was she? Once again Shawn was late and hadn’t thought to call. He was left waiting and wondering what had happened to her. Pacing and worrying.

Again.

She was almost an hour late to drop off the girls. Honestly, Shawn could make the most basic of activities into a three-ring circus. Just once he’d love for her to be where she said she’d be when she said she’d be there.

For a moment he considered calling John Nelson, one of his buds in the police department, and ask him to drive by Shawn’s place to make sure everything was okay. John had a major crush on Melanie and would do any kind of favor if it meant Eddie would push the two of them together.

Checking up on Shawn would give him peace of mind, though it would most likely be a futile errand. They were always okay—Shawn never put the girls at risk.

Though he’d just looked out the window, halfheartedly hoping to suddenly see her approaching, he looked again.

Nothing.

He’d bet money the girls were on the road, stuck in traffic, or eating McDonald’s, or filling up her near-empty gas tank. Who knew? She always had an excuse, because she was always in a rush to catch up to life. The woman never, ever planned ahead.

He couldn’t count the number of times she’d almost run out of gas or left the house without so much as a dollar in her pocket.

Or couldn’t find time to balance the checkbook. Or have his uniform shirts taken to the cleaners. Or remembered to pick them up.

Countless times the girls would run out of cereal or juice or diapers and she’d call him in a panic, begging him to run by the store on his way home. She’d never tried to see his point of view, either. That he hadn’t been just parading around town in a police uniform—he’d actually been working.

“Maybe you should try her cell phone again,” Melanie suggested as she approached the window and stood next to him. She’d come over to go out to dinner with the girls, but Eddie had a feeling she’d also wanted to see Shawn.

“I already tried it four times. She’s not picking up.”

Melanie dared to crack a smile. “Maybe she forgot to charge her phone. Or lost the charger again.”

“Who knows? I’ve given up trying to figure her out.” Glancing at his watch again, he swore under his breath. Worry and frustration caused him to speak more rashly than usual. “She’s now over an hour late. Why can she never even call me?”

“Because she knows you’d probably snap at her.”

“I’d snap because she’s going to give me an ulcer at thirty-five.”

Almost evilly, she grinned. “You’re thirty-six.”

He chose to ignore that. “Mel, do you think she’s hurt? What if she’s hurt?” Because it was really sounding like a good idea, he ventured, “Maybe I should give John at the station a call. He’d run by her house if I asked.”

Melanie looked away. “No, I don’t think you need to call John just yet. We don’t want to get him involved.”

“He wouldn’t mind.”

“You’re right. He’s a good guy. It’s just…well, this is vintage Shawn, Eddie. Let’s wait a little bit longer.”

He looked at his watch. “We were supposed to be eating dinner right now. I hope the girls are okay.”

“Honestly, the way you talk about Shawn, you’d think she went around without a care for anyone but herself,” Melanie chided. “I’ve never known those girls to ever miss a meal. They’re probably munching on banana sandwiches now.”

“Don’t even get me started on those.” Even thinking about the odd combination of sliced bananas, mayonnaise and white bread gave him the willies.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he peered out the window again and gave in to irritation once more. “I bet she’s fed them. They’re going to come running in here with some hamburger chain’s paper sacks. It’s going to be just you and I who are hungry. Sheesh.”

“You know that’s not fair.”

“I know. And I know she cares about the girls…but sometimes I don’t feel like giving her fifty excuses. Sometimes I just want her to think about things from my perspective, too.”

“I see.” Rolling her eyes, Melanie went to his sofa and sat down, then picked up his Sports and Leisure and started flipping through it.

“I’m not the one who’s late, Mel.”

“I hear you.”

Still staring out the window, Eddie said, “One time Shawn showed up an hour late for an awards dinner downtown.”

Melanie coughed. “You know she had a good reason for that. She was caught in traffic. An interstate was shut down.”

“Funny how no one else’s wife was late.”

“And I’m sure Jayne never would have done such a thing.”

Why was it that every time someone in his family mentioned Jayne it was with a note of derision in their voice? “Jayne definitely wouldn’t have been late,” he said, standing up not only for his girlfriend—was she his girlfriend?—but for himself. After all, he was damn happy a woman like that was interested in him. “How come you don’t like her?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t.”

“I don’t get the idea that you do. And you should. She’s pretty much perfect.”

“You want perfect?” Never afraid to put him in his place, Melanie made gagging noises. “Wanting perfection in a partner is a little scary, don’t you think?”

“Stop twisting my words around. No, Melanie, I don’t want perfection. I just appreciate the fact that she’s never left me standing next to a window while listening for my cell phone to go off.”

“No, I don’t imagine she has.” With robotic precision, his sister turned the page in the magazine, scanned it quickly, then flipped again. “I doubt she’s ever done anything in her very short life that’s impulsive.”

“Very short life? You’re only a year older than her.”

“I’ve been through a whole lot more than she has, Ed.”

Eddie knew that was most likely true. She’d gotten mugged almost eight months before and was still too skittish to do much besides work and hang out with family. She was still too skittish to ever do more than smile at John, though everyone in the family knew he was half in love with her…and that she wasn’t immune to him, either. “Sorry, Mel. I wasn’t thinking.”

She ignored him. “Actually I think you think you’re perfect. Which, I’d like to remind you, you’re not.”

“Jeez, Melanie. I never said I was. Why are you picking a fight? We’re not in middle school.” In seventh grade he and Mel had fought tooth and nail over everything.

“I’m not picking a fight. You’re the one who brought up Perfect Jayne. Why do you think she’s perfect, anyway? Because she has long, flowing, golden hair?” Melanie smirked at her joke.

He turned back toward the window. “She’s a kindergarten teacher. She’s been living on her own since she was twenty-one. She volunteers in the community.”

“Not to mention she’s drop-dead gorgeous.”

“She is,” he agreed. Jayne was beautiful in that wholesome, girl-next-door, cover-model way. And what was wrong with that, anyway? The girl couldn’t help being gorgeous. “That doesn’t even matter. Shawn was pretty, too.”

“Was? What happened, Eddie? She got old and her body changed after giving you three precious girls? You got bored and needed a trophy wife?”

“Sergeant Wagner, the guy who is so insecure he needs a trophy wife to make him look good,” he said sarcastically. “Come on. You know that’s never been me.”

“I’ll grant you that.”

“And nothing happened to Shawn’s looks, Melanie. I’ve always thought she was pretty. But looks were never our problem.”

Unexpectedly a moment from four months ago flashed into his mind. A moment when the last thing either of them were thinking about was kids or clocks.

No, all he’d been thinking was that he missed kissing her. He missed how she melted into his arms the moment they hugged. Always. The guys at the station used to tease him about how Shawn always flattened her hips against his when they’d embraced—even if the hug only lasted thirty seconds.

But one night, the hug was all it took for his body to respond the way it always had.

Clearing his throat, Eddie brought himself back to reality. “All I’m saying is that I didn’t think you acted very warm or nice to Jayne when I invited her to the barbecue.”

“I didn’t know what to say. I’m pretty new to you dating. Plus, it was a little uncomfortable. She was here, acting like y’all were on some kind of date.”

“We were.”

“Well, I like you acting like a dad with the girls, at least at things like family barbecues.”

“You liked me fine before I had children.”

“I did. But when you were with Jayne, you seemed…weird.”

Weird? “How?”

“I don’t know. You acted all fake. And you waited on her.”

“Her name’s Jayne.”

“Whatever. You were waiting on her and I’ve never seen you wait on anyone in your life.”

He had. He’d waited on Shawn when she was pregnant. Just remembering how warm and sweet she’d looked when he brought her coffee in bed made him swallow hard.

Then he recalled how devastated she’d looked after the miscarriage. Then nothing could make her smile. He’d been so hurt, too. Had he tried hard enough to lift her spirits?

The memory was too painful. It was far easier to dwell on the evening Melanie was talking about. “I couldn’t have the girls because it was Shawn’s weekend.”

Melanie grunted, not very ladylike, either. “Convenient.”

“You’re going to have to get used to me being divorced, Mel. Bad things happen.”

“I know. But maybe you aren’t better off without Shawn, Ed.”

“I am.”

“Okay, I’ll rephrase. Maybe you aren’t better off with Jayne. I think you’ve jumped right into something without thinking.”

“If I did, that would be a good thing. Shawn always said I planned too much.”

Melanie pushed the magazine to one side and finally looked at him. Really looked at him. “I guess you’re right,” she said softly. “I miss Shawn so much, sometimes I forget how unhappy you both were before you separated. We’re all entitled to move on and change. Next time you bring Jayne around, I’ll put out more of an effort. I promise.”

“Thanks.” He paused. “Maybe one time John can join us and the four of us could go out.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Ever? It’s time for you to move on, too, you know. The guy’s crazy about you.”

After a pause she finally nodded. “Maybe one day soon. Not yet. But maybe soon.”

The familiar sound of his cell phone ring brought them both up short. “Wagner.”

“Eddie, omigosh, the worst thing happened,” Shawn said in a single breath. “I’m so sorry I haven’t called.”

“Shawn,” he mouthed to Melanie before gripping the window frame in relief. “Are you okay? Are the girls hurt?”

“The girls are fine. We’re all fine.”

Closing his eyes, Eddie began a silent prayer, asking forgiveness. Of course a part of him had hoped she’d have a good reason for not being there. Then, almost immediately, his frustration let loose. “What happened?”

“I, um, locked my purse in the house, which is where my cell phone and keys are.”

“What about the extra set?” After the fourth time she’d been locked out, he’d made copies of the keys and created a hiding spot for them in the backyard.

“I never put them back. Not after the last time I used them. I had to go next door to see Delores and ask if I could use her phone to call the locksmith. And you know how ornery she is—I didn’t dare ask to call you.”

“She would have said no,” he replied, smiling in spite of his irritation. “Long distance.”

“You got it. So the girls and I just sat outside and waited for the guy to come.”

“But he didn’t?”

“Oh, he came. The minute after I paid him, we were on our way, but by then the roads were crazy. Listen, the traffic is horrible, so horrible that I haven’t felt like I could do anything but drive with two hands on the wheel. But we’re almost at your place. Ten minutes at the most.”

“Okay. See you then.”

“Listen, did you already eat? I could run the girls to a drive-through?”

“We haven’t eaten. We’ll wait.”

“Okay. Thanks, Eddie.”

She clicked off before he could say another word.

“She’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Eddie couldn’t believe it, but he actually felt like smiling. “Locked her purse in the house, but she’ll be here in ten minutes.”

Melanie stood up again. “Sooner than that! There they are!”

Following Melanie out of the house, Eddie found himself chuckling. That had been maybe one minute, tops.

Shawn had never met a schedule she could keep.

SHE’D DONE IT. She’d deposited the girls at Eddie’s.

As Shawn drove along the highway once again, she tried not to think about how empty she felt.

She hated it when the girls stayed overnight at Eddie’s. This weekend was going to be even worse. Eddie was going to have them until Sunday. She had two whole evenings to get through.

Opening the sun roof in her van, she caught the pungent smell of sea air and tried not to think about how desperately lonely she felt, driving away from Bishop’s Gate and back to Destin.

But as the mile markers flashed by on the highway and resort communities gave way to office parks, Shawn’s emotions ran wild as hunger pangs and hormones warred with each other.

Obviously she needed to eat or she was going to be in tears before she drove another three miles.

Though she’d planned to heat up a frozen dinner at home, that didn’t appeal to her. Neither did seeing the disapproving stare of Delores. Making an executive decision, she pulled off at Rocky Ridge Shopping Plaza.

This was something she used to imagine doing right before she and Eddie had separated. She used to crave just a few moments alone. Okay, a few hours. Now she had two days of it and it didn’t feel so alluring.

After parking, she went into Drew’s Diner, a knockoff fifties restaurant that served thick shakes and really good fries.

“How many?” a perky teen in a pink poodle skirt asked.

“Just one.”

“This way.”

Shawn slid into the booth, ordered their Blue Plate Special and a thick strawberry shake, and leaned back.

Moments later, as she was enjoying that shake just a little too much, she noticed a man in the booth across from her also sitting alone.

And he was watching her drink the shake in amusement. “Guess you needed that, huh?”

She met his gaze and chuckled. “Some girls need vodka martinis. I need ice cream.”

He lifted his glass. “Mine was chocolate.” Just after the server placed a plate of roast chicken, mashed potatoes and a side of green beans in front of her, he spoke again. “You dining alone?”

“Yes.”

“I am, too. Any chance you want some company?”

Shawn was stunned. Was she getting hit on? “Thanks, but no.”

“Sure? I’m told my table manners are good.”

He was kind of attractive—if you were into that vintage Robert Redford kind of look. “Thanks, but no.”

The server brought his meal—burger and fries. When their eyes met again, he looked a little abashed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t see a ring and, well, it is Friday night and you’re alone. Are you taken?”

She nodded. “Very much so. I have four kids.”

His eyes widened. “Gotcha.”

Shawn spent the rest of the meal trying not to look at him. Trying not to wonder why she didn’t feel the slightest bit of attraction to a guy who was handsome and obviously found her attractive.

And dared to wonder why saying she was the mother of four for the very first time…hadn’t sounded painful, after all.

Chapter Five

Shawn had four pairs of slacks that she rotated for work. All of them were khaki, wrinkle-free and from the same department store. All were machine washable.

Not a one of them fit.

Glaring at the waistband of the pair she was currently trying to squeeze into, she silently willed it to become elastic. That was the only way she was going to be able to close the two-inch gap. It really wasn’t fair how her body had decided to embrace this pregnancy. Just a few weeks after she’d conceived, her bra felt tight. Now, just four and a half months in, her waist was gone and the “baby bump” was a veritable mountain.

She was going to have to face it. Maternity clothes were weeks away, not months. And they were all going to have to be bought. She’d handed all her maternity clothes to Eddie to discard just days after the miscarriage, stifling any attempt he’d made to suggest keeping the clothes just in case they wanted to try again one day.

After she’d told him flat out that she’d never want to have another baby, he’d taken the sack away without another word.

Only now did she recall the look of hurt that had flashed in his eyes.

“Mommy, we’re done with breakfast!” Kit called from the kitchen.

If Shawn took two steps back on the tile floor and contorted her body to an almost perfect right angle, she could spy the girls into the breakfast nook in the kitchen through her mirror.

Of course, that position caused the gap in her pants to widen. Shoot. “I’ll be right there. Then we’ll run to Mrs. Henderson’s in a flash.”

“In a flash?” Mary asked.

Kit clapped her hands and started giggling. Mary and Elsie followed suit.

Shawn grinned at their antics but willed herself to focus on what was really important: the fact that they should already be in the van but she was standing half-naked in her bathroom.

Oh! What to wear? What to wear? Down went the pants. Off went the shirt she’d never managed to button.

Grabbing a lime-green knit sundress from the back, she pulled it over her head, slipped on a white cardigan, grabbed a pair of flats and turned off the lights.

In a race against inevitability, she trotted into the kitchen and helped Elsie out of her booster seat. “Come on, girls. Bowls in sink, then we’ve gotta go.”

Mary did the two-step. “I gotta go pee!”

“Hurry in the bathroom,” Shawn called as she propped Elsie on her hip and grabbed her purse. “Let’s go, girls! We’ve gotta fly like the wind or Mommy’s going to be late for work.”

“And for Mrs. Henderson,” Kit reminded her.

“Oh, yes. We most certainly don’t want that.”

Five minutes later the four of them were buckled in the van and on their way. The girls gripped their little back-packs in their laps and sang along with the latest Disney soundtrack Shawn had popped into the CD player.

After checking in at Carnegie and completing some necessary paperwork, she clocked out in preparation for the hour she’d been dreading and hopped back in the van.

Before she knew it, she was walking in the doctor’s office at 10:00 a.m. sharp. Oh, she’d been in no hurry to see this place again. All it did was remind her that her days with toddlers were most certainly not coming to an end.

And worse—now she was alone.

Already seated in the pink-and-cream waiting room were several pregnant women, each looking younger than the next. Stacks of parenting magazines, the covers emblazoned with peppy headlines and positive-looking glowing mothers, lay on antique-white coffee tables.

Shawn had stopped reading those magazines years ago. Those “fun family adventures” had seemed ridiculous when all three girls had contracted strep throat at the same time.

Suddenly she felt very frumpy and old in her lime dress.

All too soon, Nancy called her in. “I didn’t expect to see you back here so soon, Mrs. Wagner,” the nurse said as she led the way to the scale. “Weren’t you just in here a few months ago for your yearly checkup?”

Shawn stepped on the scale and resolved not to notice just how much she’d already gained. “Yes, but unfortunately something happened.”

Nancy, who’d been writing down her weight, paused. “Is everything okay?”

“Technically, yes. Emotionally, no.” Nancy had worked in Dr. Axman’s office during all of Shawn’s pregnancies. There was no sense in trying to be discreet. “I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

“I see.” A mixture of emotions flashed through the redhead’s eyes as she put two and two together. Yes, Shawn was divorced. Yes, Dr. Axman had renewed her prescription for birth control pills when Shawn had come in for her annual just six months ago.

But ever the professional, Nancy made a few more notes without saying a word, then handed Shawn a cup. “You know the drill. When you come out of the bathroom, we’ll go ahead and get your blood work taken care of.”

Shawn barely cracked a smile as she took the cup and headed to the open door on the left. “I’ll be right out.”

But a few minutes later, when she was sitting on the table, holding her elbow to her side so the Band-Aid wouldn’t pull the skin like it always did, Shawn felt tears prick her eyes. What a difference seven years made!

Vividly she recalled how excited she’d been during her first pregnancy. The seemingly endless supply of questions she had for everyone there. How happy Eddie had been.

He’d somehow managed to come to every single one of her appointments—usually in uniform. He’d been there so often all the girls in the office used to whistle good-naturedly at him. Eddie Wagner could have been Mr. December in one of those beefcake policemen calendars.

Now she was alone.

Two quick raps announced the doctor’s arrival.

“Shawn, I understand we might be seeing a lot of each other again.”

“I can’t stay away.”

Chuckling, Dr. Axman set down her file and looked at Shawn more closely. “As you probably guessed, our tests were positive, too. You’re pregnant.”

She couldn’t help the tremor that coursed through her at the words. “I hope this time…” Her voice drifted off. She was too afraid to voice her fears.

But once again Dr. Axman seemed to read her mind. “We’re going to make sure you and this baby are just fine, Shawn.”

Dr. Axman was fiftyish and looked like the famous Mary Kay of Mary Kay cosmetics—blonde, perfectly coifed and well put together. She also had the best bedside manner—motherly, humorous and matter-of-fact.

Whether it was that attitude or the fact that she was finally sharing her secret, Shawn burst into tears. “I didn’t want to have any more kids. Not after last time.”

“It was God’s way of telling us that baby wasn’t ready for us. Remember? It was no one’s fault. This time, you’re going to be fine.”

“I know. I just…I just thought I was finally getting my act together. And all these girls—they’re going to drive me crazy when they’re teenagers.”

“Maybe things won’t be as bad as you think.”

“With four kids? I’m going to lose my mind.”

Obviously trying hard not to smile, the obstetrician reached out to pat her hand. “This wasn’t expected, I guess?”

“No. What am I going to do?” Before the doctor could say a word, Shawn shook her head. “I mean, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to have four kids. I’m not even married anymore! I sure didn’t plan on it. I didn’t plan on any of it.”

Opening her file, Dr. Axman murmured, “So how long were you on the pills before you stopped taking them?”

“I never filled the prescription.”

“Ah.”

“And just in case you’re curious, the father’s Eddie. We had, oh, I don’t know…a relapse. One time.” Actually they’d managed to do things more than once, but not even her doctor needed to know that.

“I see.”

Shawn gave her the date. “That’s the night I got pregnant.”

Pulling out the circular calendar, Dr. Axman said, “We’re at a little more than four months, just about four and a half. Looks like we’re going to almost have a Labor Day baby. Let’s say September 8.”

“September. Well, that’s a free month. No birthdays there.”

Oh, she couldn’t even believe she was talking like this.

After a quick examination, Shawn received another prescription, this one for vitamins. “Now don’t forget to take these pills.”

“I won’t.”

“Is Eddie planning on being involved with the pregnancy?”

“Not so much.” She was pretty sure he’d be ecstatic about the baby, but she didn’t see a need to visit the doctor with her.

“Ah.”

“We’re divorced, you know. And he’s moved on. He’s got a girlfriend.”

“I see.” Dr. Axman was a master at keeping her expression neutral.

Shawn didn’t know why she felt like defending Eddie, but she didn’t want the doctor to think the worst of him. “Jayne seems real nice. She’s a kindergarten teacher.”

“Are you dating?”

“No! I’m…you know…”

“Pregnant.”

“I’m so pregnant.” Shawn bit her lip. Great, Shawn. It’s not enough you’re sitting here half-naked, you’re about to start crying again.

Picking up her file, Dr. Axman looked at Shawn with concern. “I guess that’s it for now. Take care of yourself, would you please?”

“I’ll try.”

Pausing again, the doctor looked at Shawn’s chart. “I’ll see you next month. Unless you have a problem of course. Then, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.”

Over the next month or two, Shawn knew she was going to be showing something awful. And within the next few weeks—not months—she was going to have to break the news to Eddie. That while he’d moved on, she was carrying around a little something from their past.

“IT’S FRIDAY, Eddie. Want to come out with us tonight?” Sal asked as they turned in their time cards and exited the police station. “We’re heading over to The Precinct for a couple of beers.”

The Precinct was a cop bar located about two blocks from the station. Made of cement blocks and definitely sparse in the decor area, it served as a haven for police officers in the area. When he was still married, he’d stopped over there at least once a month, needing a moment to take the edge off the day before heading home and facing a night of fighting with Shawn.

Luckily the bar didn’t hold the appeal that it used to. “No thanks, I’ve got plans.”

Sal looked him over. “You’re not working a double shift again, are you?”

“Not tonight. I’ve got three little girls to take out.”

Sal grinned. “Now that’s what I like to hear. I’m glad you’ve got your priorities back. Where are you taking your best girls?”

“Probably just back to my place. They like hanging out with me. We’ll probably just eat pizza and play Candy Land or something.”

“You being with them is what counts, don’t you think? My grandson likes pick-up sticks. We could play that all night.”

“I’ll have to pick up some of them. I liked those, too.” Thinking some more about his upcoming evening, he said, “You know, it’s kind of weird. Back when I was home with them, Shawn and I used to always check to see that the other person wasn’t slacking when all three girls needed help. Now I wish I was around them all the time—and I don’t need any help with them, either.”

“That’s love.”

“That’s it, exactly.” There was nothing like the stale smell of an empty apartment to make a man long for things to be a little messed up and noisy. Until he’d had kids, he’d had no idea just how powerful love really was.

“What does Shawn do when you’ve got the girls?”

“I don’t know. She usually works or something.” But as he spoke, Eddie was uncomfortably aware that that was exactly what she did. If she had any need to date other men, he hadn’t heard about it.

Glancing at his watch, Eddie picked up his pace. “I’ve got to go or I’ll be late. Shawn’s working, so I’ve got to pick the girls up from the sitter.”

“Hey, isn’t it nice to know that you’re their father, not the babysitter? Some guys don’t spend any time with their kids unless they have to.”

“It’s great,” Eddie said in parting, quickly unlocking his car and climbing in.

Sal was right. Eddie had always considered himself a good dad, but he knew he hadn’t always shouldered the responsibilities equally with Shawn.

More often than was comfortable to admit, he had taken on the role of provider and fun parent, leaving Shawn to deal with the majority of the grunt work.

Ever since the divorce, he’d been forced to realize that simply getting all three girls clean, fed and asleep by eight was an achievement.

Eddie thought about that conversation with Sal a lot as he ran over to Mrs. Henderson’s and picked up the girls. Usually Shawn had Fridays off. It was rare for her to be working.

Since he didn’t have the nerve to ask her, he asked the one person in the family who seemed to know everything at all times. “Why were y’all over here today?” he asked Kit as they walked out of the sitter’s home.

“I don’t know, but I wish we weren’t. Mrs. Henderson’s house smells funny.”

He’d never noticed a smell, but privately, he’d never especially cared for the lady, though there was nothing he could exactly pinpoint as the problem. Mrs. H.’s house was clean, she took the time to do at least one art or craft with the girls a day, and she was pleasant.

Maybe the plain and simple truth was, she just wasn’t Shawn.

“Mrs. Henderson’s nice enough, don’t you think?”

“Sometimes.” Mary slipped her hand in his. “She’s got lots of rules. And she never lets us play with her kids’ stuff.”

“And I don’t think she likes Mommy,” Kit added. “She said today Mommy didn’t look so good.”

Eddie paused, his hands around Elsie’s middle before buckling her in the seat. “What was wrong with how Mommy looked?”

“Mrs. Henderson said she looked green. And she didn’t even have on her green dress.”

A wave of worry rolled through him. “Is Mommy sick?”

“I don’t know.” Mary shrugged. “Daddy, are we going out for dinner?”

“I was thinking we’d get some pizza and play a game or something.”

“What about Grandma’s?” Kit asked.

“Grandma’s!” Elsie and Mary chorused.

“You know what, seeing Grandma and Grandpa sounds like a super idea.” Eddie grinned as he made his way out of Mrs. Henderson’s very staid street. His mom was a dynamite woman. Even after all these years, she still had a spring in her step and a look of motherly love in her eyes.

Consequently, whenever he opened her back door, Eddie still felt the same surge of warmth he’d felt back when he’d ride his bike home from Little League and she’d be in the kitchen waiting for him. His mom epitomized security and warmth.

“Maybe she has Jell-O.”

“Maybe.” Somehow his mother had memorized a whole gelatin cookbook. Almost every night, she whipped up some concoction with gelatin, fruit and Cool Whip. Back when he was in junior high, there’d been a time when he’d been a little embarrassed about her. Some of his buddies’ moms were thinner, prettier, drove fancy cars and seemed to have lots of friends. Sharon Wagner stayed home, decorated the house for every holiday and made enough food for an army.

Now he knew enough about life to know that he was fortunate to have been raised by one of the best women in the world.

During his tour of duty, Eddie often thought of those Jell-O concoctions with a kind of whimsical nostalgia. When they were married, he and Shawn used to guess what kind of molded creation would be on the menu. Because it turned out that Shawn enjoyed those crazy gelatin salads as much as anyone. As much as their daughters.

He’d barely gotten the car parked before Elsie was pulling at her car seat with pudgy hands. By the time he got her free, the other two were already in the garage.

“Grandma!” Kit called.

“Well, if it isn’t my three favorite girls,” his mom said just as the door popped open. “Hi, Eddie.” She patted each of the girls’ heads fondly as they slipped through the doorway. “What are y’all up to?”

“Nothing much. I was about to take them home and order a pizza when they clamored for you. Is it okay that we stopped by? I should’ve called.”

“You don’t need to call. Come on in.”

As the girls made their way to the kitchen, his mom looked fondly at them. “I was just sitting here thinking that this room looks too clean. We better make something.” She scratched her head. “But I wonder what?”

“Jell-O?” Mary said hopefully.

“We can certainly whip some up. You can help me stir, dear.”

Eddie was just grinning at his mother’s response when his cell phone buzzed.

His mom paused at the door. “Edward, who’s calling you? It’s not work-related, is it?”

“No. I think it’s Jayne.”

A far different look swam across his mom’s face at that news. “Oh. I didn’t know you were still seeing her.”

Of course she knew they were still seeing each other. Everyone knew that he and Jayne had become pretty serious.

Well, everyone except Shawn and the girls. Flipping up the receiver, he answered quickly. Suddenly aware that he’d neglected to warn Jayne that he had the girls for the weekend.

Chapter Six

“Hey, Jayne.”

“Hey! What are you doing?”

“I just picked up the girls and we’re at my parents’ house.” He frowned into the receiver. How was he going to tell her that he didn’t have time to spend with her?

“Oh. I didn’t know you were going to have the girls tonight.” Jayne’s voice sounded overly bright—like she was the star in one of those toothpaste commercials.

“You didn’t know because I forgot to tell you.” Slowly he ventured, “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. Well, actually, I’ve been sitting here wondering when you were going to call,” she finally admitted. “We’ve almost always had a date on Friday night.”

She was right. They had. And he knew she wasn’t the type of woman who usually sat at home waiting by the phone. She was too attractive—and nice—for that.

“Honestly, work was crazy, then Shawn asked if I could pick up the girls from the sitter for her. Everything’s been a little hectic.” Funny how his excuses made so much sense, but how many times had he blamed Shawn for not being prompt and more considerate? “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel tonight.”

As he gave his excuses, he wondered why that even mattered. Didn’t he want Jayne to be with the girls, too? She was probably awesome with kids, being a teacher and all.

So how come he wasn’t ready for their two worlds to collide?

“I don’t mind being around your kids, you know.”

Now he felt like a heel. What was he fighting, anyway? Sooner or later both his children and his family were going to have to get used to the fact that he had a new woman in his life. It might as well be sooner than later. “You want to come over? We’re just going to have dinner.”

Immediately her voice perked up. “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Quickly he gave her directions and hung up.

“Mom, that was Jayne. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked her over for dinner.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Actually he was. It was time to completely move on with his life. And Jayne was his future—he was certain of it. “I think it is…unless you really don’t want more company.”

“It’s not that. Of course I don’t mind. It’s just that it sure seems like you’re pushing things along so fast.”

“It’s hardly fast, Mom.” Now that he thought about it, Sal had insinuated the same thing. Honestly, did all those months that had passed mean nothing to anyone but him?

“I’m just not sure if Jayne is the right girl for you. When she was over here for the barbecue last week, she barely mentioned the girls.”

“That would have been awkward, don’t you think? I mean, she hardly knows them. Plus, they’re my kids, not hers.” Warming to the subject, he said, “And that’s why she’s so anxious to come over. She wants to get to know the girls. You and Dad, too.”

Since she’d already made Jell-O with the girls—lime this time—she was rinsing out the bowl. The girls were all munching on carrot sticks in the living room. But the relative calm of their situation didn’t come across in her body language.

If anything, his mom looked a tad agitated. “I can imagine there’s all kinds of reasons Jayne wants to be with you, Eddie. But it would be a stretch to imagine that your dad and I are one of the reasons.”

“She’s a great person, Mom. She’s great for me.”

“Maybe.” Drying her hands, she murmured, “But don’t forget—she’ll never be their real mother, Eddie. Shawn will be. And your dad and I will always have a special place for Shawn in our hearts.”

“I know that.” Lord, how he knew that! For some reason, things weren’t getting any better. “Listen, how about I call Jayne right back and tell her another time. I don’t want her to come over and feel awkward.”

“I’d never make her feel anything but welcome, you know that.”

“You sure?” He knew how his mom could be. Sweet as sugar, then, pow! She’d bite, just like a Doberman.

“Oh, Eddie, settle down. You coming over is fine. Dad and I had just thawed out a bunch of hamburger meat in case you did call. One more person won’t make a difference. I’ve got plenty of hamburger thawed for sloppy joes.” Brightening, she pulled out another can. “And plenty of sauce, too.” She shooed him to the door. “Go visit with your dad and try to help Elsie not ruin my pansies.”

Eddie scrambled out just in time to get a healthy burst of water sprayed on him.

JAYNE WASN’T FITTING IN very well. Actually that was putting things pretty mildly. Having Jayne over for dinner with the girls was a disaster. And she’d only been there thirty minutes so far.

And she was so perfect, which really was confusing, because Eddie had always assumed that her many great qualities would mesh well with his family’s.

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy sloppy joes, it’s just that I try to stay away from red meat and prepackaged foods most of the time,” she told his parents earnestly from her perch on the end of his mom’s “good” couch. “I usually eat salads and grilled fish.” With a chuckle, she shook her head. “But boy, I used to love eating burgers and fries.”

“We like them,” Mary said.

“Mommy says she eats too much fast food and it makes her ankles swell,” Kit said from the corner of the room, where she was laying train tracks along the edges of his parents’ gas fireplace. The girls loved to play with his old wooden train set.

Instead of looking jealous, Jayne ruffled Elsie’s downy hair. “I bet it’s hard for her to always know what to eat. I only have kids during the day, not 24/7. That is, for now.”

Eddie choked on his tea. Well, there was a hint if he ever heard one. It wasn’t unexpected, either. After all, he’d been hinting for some time that he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. Whenever the timing seemed right.

Talking about Shawn was not going to get them there. “Mommy’s ankles are just fine. And we’re not worried about them, anyway.”

“She is,” Kit retorted. “Mommy says they drive her crazy. Her ankles and her tummy. She’s had four kids, you know.”

His mom winced. “Oh, Kit.”

Jayne raised a brow. “Four?”

Kit filled her in before he could. “Mommy lost a baby. She died, but we’re not sad anymore. Right, Daddy?”

“Right,” he said automatically, though he wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not. Was he still sad? But no matter what, it wouldn’t do any good to admit his weaknesses. “My daughter has a habit of saying everything that’s on her mind at all times.”

Jayne turned to him, her expression quizzical. “I guess you don’t have that problem at all.”

Now he felt like he was in the doghouse. But had she really expected him to tell her just how hard losing that baby had been? He sure hoped not. That was no one’s business.

But still…at the moment, Jayne was staring at him like she didn’t know him at all.

Luckily his mother came to the rescue. “Girls, did you see all the new farm animals your grandpa bought in the playroom? I think I spied two pigs and a goat!”

Squealing, all three girls tore off to investigate. Eddie’s dad grinned. “The toy store down the street was having a sale.”

“You spoil them, Dad.”

“Not possible. They’re cute as bugs.”

“If bugs could be cute,” his mom sassed.

“It’s the salt,” Jayne explained, getting them back on track to the subject of water retention. “You should tell your ex-wife to eat less salt. She’ll feel better. Less bloated.”

“Shawn,” his dad said. “Eddie’s ex is named Shawn.”

Jayne looked confused. “I know.”

A long moment passed as his parents exchanged incredibly meaningful glances without a single word being said.

Eddie glanced at the kitchen clock. Thirty-five minutes had passed.

“Though salt can be, uh, bothersome, my sloppy joes aren’t salty at all.” His mom glanced his way before replying. “And, well, I do like to serve things I know the girl’s love. And they love sloppy joes.”

“And macaroni and cheese,” Eddie said.

“I make great mac and cheese,” his dad said proudly. “It’s the Velveeta. Melts in your mouth.”

“Kid food never seems to change,” his mom said with forced merriment. “I suspect as a teacher you know that.”

Jayne nodded. “I do. It’s a shame, too. If children were introduced to a variety of healthy, tasty meals, that’s what they’d naturally yearn for.”

His mom’s smile dimmed. “Is that right?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve done a lot of research on properly caring for and feeding infants. When I have my own children, I’m going to make sure I feed them all organic baby food—when they’re done breastfeeding, of course.”

Eddie didn’t dare look at his dad. Bill Wagner talked military tactics, police procedures, Miami Dolphins and Sponge Bob. Eddie could almost bet money no one had ever mentioned breastfeeding to him.

Shawn certainly hadn’t.

“Organic?” his mom said quickly, thank goodness, before Jayne latched on to some bit of info about breast milk.

Eddie glanced at his watch again. Thirty-eight minutes.

“Oh, yes. I plan to make a lot of my baby’s food myself. All in a blender or food processor. It will be so much better than anything prepackaged from the store.”

Sharon Wagner blinked. “I always imagined that would take a lot of time.”

“Maybe, but it will be worth it, don’t you think?” Smiling Eddie’s way, Jayne said, “Plus, I don’t plan to work, so making sure my family eats only nutritious meals will be my main job. That and making sure my home is well taken care of.”

“That’s commendable.” His mom looked at the array of sloppy joes, tater tots and iceberg lettuce, carrots and ranch dressing she’d set out. And, of course, the lime Jell-O in plastic parfait holders. “But tonight, what do you plan to eat?”

A faint crease marred her brow. “I don’t know. Where are we going for dinner, Eddie?”

That caught him completely off guard. “What? We’ve got dinner here.”

“I know you need to feed the kids.” She leaned closer, treating him to a touch of her fragrance—something cinnamon and exotic, the exact opposite of Shawn’s Nivea-lotion scent. “But where do you want to go later, you know, when we go out?”

His mother blinked. “Edward, you’re planning to go out later? Without the children?”

“No, Mom. I never said that.” Turning to Jayne, he said, “I’ve got the girls this weekend. I thought you knew that.”

“Oh.” Jayne paused. “I just assumed since you invited me over and said your parents were cooking, you meant that they were watching the girls. That’s not what you meant?”

“No,” he replied, pretending not to catch the unspoken invitation.

“You can go out, if you’d like.” But his mother’s tone said she would like anything but that.

“No, we can’t. I couldn’t ask it of you.”

But Jayne stood up as if she’d just won the lottery. “Thanks so much, Mrs. Wagner. Obviously I wouldn’t have worn white if I’d known we were going to be eating that.” She slipped her bag on over her wrist. “When did you want to leave, Ed?”

“Ed?” his dad repeated.

“Not yet.”

“Oh.”

Before she could argue, the girls entered the room again. “We’re starving,” Kit proclaimed. “When can we eat?”

His dad narrowed his eyes. “Anytime.”

Elsie came running to Eddie. “Hi, Daddy!”

He swung her up in his arms and instantly imagined what his three-year-old would look like in minutes. A gooey mess.

There was no way he could leave.

What was more, he didn’t want to. “Jayne, we’re going to have to take a rain check. I’m going to eat here tonight.”

“Why? Your parents said it was fine.”

“What is?” Kit asked.

“Nothing.” No way did he want his kids getting into the discussion.

Jayne shook out her hair. “It was too something. Your dad was going to take me out to dinner, but I guess that isn’t in the plans anymore.”

Kit turned to him, her wide eyes full of concern. “Daddy, you don’t want to stay here? With us?”

“Of course I do, sweetheart. Jayne, if you’d rather not have sloppy joes, I completely understand. I’ll just have to see you later.”

His dad’s eyebrows rose. His mother almost smiled.

And Jayne…well Jayne looked flabbergasted. “But Eddie—”

“I’m not babysitting. I’m their dad.”

“Did you want to give sloppy joes a try, dear? We could give you one of Bill’s old T-shirts to slip on if you wanted.”

Eddie buried his face in Elsie’s wispy curls to hide his smile. Shawn would have slipped on any of her father-in-law’s shirts without hesitation. Well, after asking for one of his faded police academy T’s. She loved anything to do with the police force.

Smoothing down her crisp white skirt, Jayne shook her head. “I think it might be best if I went on my way. I’d hate to be a bother.”

Kit waved. “Bye.”

Jayne glared.

Oh, boy. “I’ll be right back,” Eddie said as he walked her out. The moment they stepped into the heat of the early evening, he turned to her. “Jayne, when you asked to come over, I thought you knew what the plans were. I told you I had the girls this weekend.”

“You have them a lot.”

“I’m their father. Shawn and I share custody.” But even as he explained, Eddie found himself wondering why he had to say anything at all. She was a teacher. He always thought teachers put kids’ needs first.

“Eddie, I really didn’t think we were going to sit here all night. I thought you wanted to spend time with me.”

“I’m not going to foist my kids off on my parents.”

“Your parents would have liked that.”

“I didn’t want to, Jayne.”

“No, I guess you didn’t.” When they stopped next to her bright white convertible, she sighed. “I’m sorry about this. I guess I wasn’t thinking. You always seem so happy whenever you’re on your own.” Reaching out, she pressed a slim hand to his chest. “And I’m always on cloud nine when it’s just the two of us.”

Eddie waited to feel something. The first time they’d kissed, he’d been intrigued. And, well, just enough of a man to be thankful that he could still catch the eye of a beautiful woman.

But now, her touch wasn’t making him want more of her. On the contrary, it just made him realize that something was missing.

And probably always would be. “Thanks for stopping by.”

He breathed a sigh of relief when she drove off. And didn’t dare to ask himself why.

“I’M PREGNANT,” Shawn told her reflection in the mirror a week later.

Her reflection merely stared back at her. One eyebrow cocked sardonically. “I guess that didn’t sound too confident, did it?” Shawn took a deep breath and did her best to sound poised and happy, like she did when she was on the phone at work. “Eddie, you wouldn’t believe it, but it happened. Again. And this time things are different. Everything’s going real well—just like it used to.”

A fist of pain punched her heart, making her wonder if that even mattered.

She tried again. “Eddie, there’s something you need to know. I’m pregnant, and it’s from that time we tore each other’s clothes off on the living-room floor and made love like minks for hours. Do you remember that night? You know, when Elsie was sick right after New Year’s? Almost five months ago?”

Visions of the two of them tangled—hands and lips everywhere—traipsed through her mind, startling her a bit. Even her reflection looked shocked and, truth be told, somewhat hot and bothered.

That little speech definitely was not any better. Telling him the truth was not going to be easy.

She couldn’t do it. Though she was now living in roomy sundresses and elastic waistbands, she couldn’t bear to start telling people about her reality. Although people were going to know soon enough.

But she just couldn’t face Eddie yet.

Nope, far better to just pretend nothing was changing. At least for now. It was her weekend to be at Bill and Sharon’s condo again, and she was determined to enjoy the time with the girls, relax and stop worrying about the future. After all, with Eddie seeing Jayne, there was a good possibility that one day his parents might not be quite so generous with her.

Oh, they’d always put their grandchildren first. But there’d be no reason for them to include her in the equation, too. Change was inevitable.

And everything she’d heard about Jayne was good. Correction. Great. She was nice. She was nice to Bill and Sharon. She was sweet to the girls. What more could Shawn ever hope for?

Soon she would just be the mother of his children. Someone he had a relationship with—but the someone he used to love. Before things changed.

Turning away from the mirror, she slipped on an oversize black tank top and tied the laces on her running shoes.

Yes, she was going to just live in the moment for a bit. After all, she already did feel a little lighter. From the minute they’d pulled into the sage-green metal carport and run the first load into the condo, Shawn breathed a sigh of relief.

She liked this place. She liked how the furniture was old and the decorating had stopped right around 1965. She liked the vintage movie posters on the walls and the framed car advertisements for old Cadillacs. It was quirky and easy and so different in feel from her home—from the home she used to share with Eddie. Everything felt better in the condo.

And then there were the surroundings. She loved Bishop’s Gate. She loved the walking paths and the families and the condos and cottages near the beach and the seagulls that constantly perched on the homes.

There was something about being near the sand and surf that made all her other problems melt away and seem less significant.

Padding out to the kitchen, she pulled out a turquoise mug and poured herself a fresh cup of decaf coffee. Within the hour, things around the place would be a whole lot noisier. First Elsie would wake up, followed by Kit, then sweet Mary. After breakfast they had big plans to go down to the beach. Eddie’s sister, Melanie, was going to come down and stay the night, too.

Oh, she missed Eddie’s family. His parents were the most loving, huggable people on the planet. And Melanie was truly the sister she’d never had. Though they’d all reached out to her—with Eddie’s full support—it still wasn’t the same.

Taking advantage of the rare quiet time, she slipped on an old zip-up, walked out to the back patio and sat on the old aluminum bench that Sharon had found in a flea market years ago. A true sense of peace surrounded her.

A few couples were out running. One old guy was race walking with a to-go cup in hand. A woman ran by in a coral sports bra, showing off well-toned abs and a healthy tan.

Shawn pulled her jacket over herself a little more snugly and enjoyed more of the scenery.

“Momma!” Elsie called just as she entered the house again. “Momma?”

“Here I am, Elsie.” Shawn scooped her up and covered her sweet cheeks with a dozen kisses. “So, are you ready to have a fun day? Melanie’s coming.”

“Melnie.”

“That’s right. Your buddy Melnie.” As they went through their morning routine, Shawn couldn’t help but recall when seeing Eddie’s family wasn’t a special occasion, but more of a daily occurrence.

Had she ever minded that? Maybe she was just too tired of doing everything herself, but no, she couldn’t remember that she had. Melanie and Bill and Sharon Wagner were definitely the family she’d always wanted. Close in that easygoing way that her parents had never been.

Oh, she loved her parents. But with them living in Arizona, she didn’t see them very often, and when they did come out, everything felt staged. Events and activities were planned. The girls were reminded to be on good behavior. Shawn made sure she wore flattering outfits and lipstick.

With the Wagners, it had been far more come as you are. They used to pop over on Sunday mornings and, with barely a knock, let themselves in. Eddie used to gripe about that. “What if we weren’t dressed, Ma?”

But Sharon had never given him an inch. “Then I’d tell you to put some clothes on.”

Bill, of course, had chuckled. “Yeah, like you think you’re going to be running around naked with three little ones, Romeo? You’re going to be run ragged.”

And that was true.

“More Lucky Charms, Els?”

When she nodded, Shawn poured a few more out on Elsie’s favorite dinosaur plate and cut up a few slices of banana, too. A glass of milk rounded things out, making the breakfast seminutritious…well, as much as it could be and still have a picky eater eat it.

What a difference a third child made! Back when Kit was a toddler, labels were read and diets examined. Now it was all about time and mess.

“Hi, Mommy,” Mary said.

“Good morning, Little Miss Sunshine. Ready to eat yet?”

“Nope.”

And so it went. Another morning on her own. Amazingly quiet. Amazingly going according to plan.

Even her morning sickness was leveling out.

For some reason, it all just made her depressed. Within a few months, she’d be holding a new baby in her arms.

She’d have someone fresh and adorable to cuddle and coo over.

And Shawn had a feeling she’d feel more alone than ever before.

Chapter Seven

“Sorry we’re not at the beach,” Shawn apologized to her sister-in-law as they sat on the steps of the neighborhood baby pool. “The girls wanted to try out their new floats.”

“This is fine. I wanted to see you and the girls, not be entertained.” Looking at each of her nieces, Melanie commented, “You were so smart to make sure each could swim at a young age. Now we hardly have to watch Kit.”

As Shawn watched her daughter dive under the water and pick up another lime-green plastic ring, she smiled. “Thank goodness! Kit’s such a help with the other girls. Of course, I need to stay by Elsie’s side, but Kit watches Mary like a hawk.”

In just the past month, Shawn had given Kit and Mary permission to go to the shallow end of the “big” pool, right next to the baby one. The only restriction was that they had to stay together. They’d readily agreed to that because life in the big pool was so much better. They could actually swim, instead of dodge toddlers.

As Mary tossed another three rings in the water and Kit dove and fetched, Shawn added, “Kit wants to join the swim team this winter.”

“I can’t wait to see her practice dives off the blocks,” Melanie said. “I swam for years, you know.”

“Get ready to be called for assistance. I can swim, but hardly better than Mary. I sure never mastered those shallow dives.”

“Call me anytime.” As Elsie played house with three plastic fish near their feet, Melanie looked Shawn over. “So, I’m just going to go ahead and say it. You look beautiful. Divorce must agree with you.”

“Hardly.”

“Something’s different, though. Just a few months ago you looked exhausted.”

“Probably because I was.” Shawn bit her lip. To her eye, she looked pregnant. She was practically falling out of her top, and the swim shorts couldn’t quite hide her curved belly. “Anyway, thanks for the compliment. You look great, too. I’d give a lot to have your figure.”

“Really?” Melanie kicked out a beautifully toned leg, testament to the hours she spent at the gym. “I don’t know, Shawn. There are many days I’d rather have some little reminders here and there that I’ve had a baby. Or two.”

“Oh, Mel.” Though she always wore a smile, Shawn knew that her sister-in-law was still having a tough time recovering from being mugged. Months after it happened, Melanie had shown Shawn the three-inch scar that would always remind her of the incident. “You’ll have a house full of kids one day.”

“Maybe, if I ever go out again.”

“Anyone interesting on the horizon?”

“John Nelson. He works with Eddie.”

“I know John. He’s a good guy, Mel.”

“I know he is. And I do want to go out with him.” A shadow played around her eyes. “I just wish things were a little different, that’s all. John’s the one who apprehended that guy, you know.”

“I know.”

After fetching one of Kit’s rings that had gotten tossed out of the pool, Melanie said, “Let’s focus on you. Are you dating anyone?”

“No.”

“I think you should. Eddie and Jayne are getting serious, I think.”

“Really?”

“She had dinner at Mom’s with Eddie.”

“How did it go?”

“Well enough, I guess.” This time it was Melanie who worried about the chosen topic of conversation. “Does talking about Jayne bother you?”

“I don’t mind. I’ve met Jayne.” At Melanie’s look of surprise, she explained. “A few weeks ago the girls and I were at the beach when he and Jayne walked by. She’s…pretty.”

“She’s totally wrong person for my brother. You wouldn’t believe what Mom and Dad said about Jayne coming over for dinner.”

Shawn wasn’t too proud to be excited to hear gossip about Eddie. After checking on Kit and Mary and seeing that Elsie was still happily content with her fish, she leaned forward. “What happened?”

“Let’s just say that I think Jayne only likes life with kids in a controlled environment. Jayne plus three kids plus sloppy joes equals wanting dinner out. She tried to make Mom and Dad play babysitter so Eddie would take her out.”

Shawn frowned. “I didn’t hear about any of this.” Glancing at Kit, she said, “Usually my informer tells me more.”

“To Eddie’s credit, I think a lot of what happened was out of the girls’ hearing.” Melanie smirked. “Eddie keeps promising us that they’re serious. But boy, I have to admit that more than once I’ve wished for Jayne to be his rebound girl.”

Shawn didn’t like thinking about Eddie in those terms. Whatever his faults, he sure didn’t use women the way Melanie seemed to be insinuating. “We’re divorced, Mel. I think Eddie has moved on. And I’m sure Jayne is perfectly fine for him.”

“I know. I just wish Eddie had tried harder with you.”

“It was a mutual thing.” Looking away, Shawn said, “I think whatever happened between us was for the best.”

“I know losing the baby was hard.”

“It was, but we got through it. That cliché is true—life really does move on.” It was on the tip of her tongue to share the news about the pregnancy. If anyone could be counted on to lend a hand, it was her sister-in-law.

But Melanie would also shoulder as much of her brother’s and Shawn’s burdens as she could, too. And that wasn’t fair.

No, for right now, keeping things quiet was the right thing to do.

“You two were good together.”

“We were, but we sure weren’t always that way. Living together on a day-to-day basis is hard. Maybe for us, it was too hard. There’s a difference, I think.”

She was saved from further introspection by Mary climbing out of the pool. “I’m hungry. Kit is, too.”

Elsie beamed and reached for her big sister’s hand. “Me, too!”

Shawn stood up. “I think that’s our signal not to talk about anything else serious.”

Wrapping a blue-striped towel around Elsie, Melanie smiled. “That’s fine with me.” Bending down close to eye level with the girls, she asked, “Who wants corn dogs?”

“We do!” all three yelled out.

As Shawn hoisted the bag of toys across her shoulder, she had to admit that corn dogs sounded pretty good.

In fact, everything sounded good—except imagining Eddie and Jayne together.

“ONLY YOU WOULD GET the Employee of the Week award, Shawn,” Tricia said with more than a hint of envy in her voice during their scheduled morning break. “The only recognition I’ve gotten from Carnegie was a slip saying I came in late last Tuesday.”

Shawn chuckled. “You’ve been recognized before.”

“I suppose. But I’ve never gotten a gift certificate to Warner’s Steak House. I love that place.”

“I do, too.” Shawn frowned. Well, she used to love it. The two times she’d dined there had been with Eddie. Under the soft glow of candlelight, they’d shared a bottle of wine, crème brûlée and cuddled in a corner booth. Now she had no one to do that with. Only half joking, she said, “You want to come with me?”

“Shawn, I like you a lot. I even like sitting in this drab little room with you eating apples and day-old bagels. But good friends don’t let good friends take them to fancy steak houses. You need to go there with a cute guy.”

“I don’t have any of those around.” Suddenly her bagel did seem kind of dry and plain.

“You haven’t started dating yet?”

What was it with the dating questions? And how did everyone think she was going to meet men, anyway? In the drive-through at McDonald’s? “No.”

“But it’s been a while. Hasn’t it?”

“It’s not the right time.” Appetite gone, she got up and tossed her snack in the trash.

“Shawn, it’s never going to be the right time. I know.” Holding up the slice of green apple she was crunching, Tricia added, “Remember how I told you I had to put myself out there in order to meet Brian? Sometimes when a guy shows interest, you need to smile back.”

“No one’s done that lately.” She willed herself to forget about the guy at the diner.

Of course, that had been a month ago.

“Tons of men would ask you out if you sent out the right kind of vibe.” Squeezing her arm, Tricia said, “I know—start whining about how you have no one to take to Warner’s Steak House. Guys will get up the nerve for that.”

“Just what I need. A guy to ask me out for a free dinner. No thank you.”

“You’re making this too difficult. Maybe you could try online dating?”

“No.”

“I could ask Brian if he has a friend.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why not? He’s met lots of great guys at the marina.” Deepening her voice, Tricia said, “Oh, Shawn, maybe we could hook you up with some guy who has a sailboat! You could go on a twilight cruise.”

Which would undoubtedly make her seasick. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

“But, Shawn—”

“It’s really not the right time.” After looking around the break room to make sure they were alone, she leaned close. “I’m pregnant.”

Out fell the apple from Tricia’s hand. “What? How?”

“What do you mean how? I got pregnant the usual way.”

“Who?” Tricia’s cheeks flushed as she held up a hand. “Forget it. It’s none of my business. And forget what I said about meeting guys. Obviously—”

Somehow, having Tricia think she had gotten pregnant by some random guy was worse than the truth. “It’s Eddie’s baby.”

Tricia’s face stayed carefully composed. “I see.”

Shawn rolled her eyes. “Tricia, you are a master of the understatement. There’s nothing to see. We made a mistake. Now I’m paying for it.”

“How far along are you?”

Shawn noticed her girlfriend trying hard not to glance down at her midsection. “Almost five months.”

Tricia looked her over. “Now everything makes sense. You looked a little…fuller, but I thought it was because you were finally eating three meals again. What does Eddie say? Is he excited? Maybe you can use the Warner’s gift card as a celebration meal.”

“We won’t be using it.”

“Eddie’s pretty upset?”

“He will be when he finds out.”

“What?”

Shawn slumped against the back of her plastic chair. “He doesn’t know.”

“Shawn, you’ve got to tell him! He has a right to know.”

“I will.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

“How soon? When you’re about to deliver?”

Now Shawn felt worse. Tricia’s expression made her feel like she was twelve years old and about to be grounded for the month. It didn’t help matters that Tricia was right. She should have told Eddie as soon as she found out.

Not that that realization was going to do her any good.

Immediately Tricia’s expression filled with regret. “Shawn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spouted off to you like that. I know your private business isn’t my concern. It’s just, I don’t know, not telling Eddie seems kind of harsh, don’t you think?”

“It sounds as harsh as Eddie wondering why everything at home isn’t perfect. Or as harsh as him wondering why—” She cut herself off before she mentioned the miscarriage. They’d both said some things they’d wished they hadn’t. “I mean, I know I need to tell him. I know that. I’ve just been waiting for the right time.”

“You’re right. Forget I said anything. I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Now Shawn just felt mean. It wasn’t Tricia’s fault that everything between her and her ex-husband didn’t make sense. “I do appreciate your concern. And I will tell Eddie real soon.”

Gesturing to her nonexistent waist, she added, “I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be able to hide it much longer. I’m just putting off the inevitable.”

Tricia got all moony-eyed. “In a way, this pregnancy seems so romantic. Maybe it was all meant to be. You’ll get back together and everything will be good again.”

“It’s not like that. We’re not getting back together. We just slipped. No—” she tucked her hair behind her ears “—I’ll be raising this new baby girl on my own.”

“Another girl? You already found out?”

“No, I never want to know—but how could it be a boy? Girls are all Eddie and I seem capable of making.”

Tricia sighed. “Four kids. Wow.”

“Four kids under seven. You kind of have to add that part to get the full effect of how tough it’ll be.” She shook her head, not wanting to believe it herself. “You know what? I’m truly going to be an emotional wreck. Not just emotional, but a physical wreck, too, with so much to do. I’ll probably be constantly late, instead of just seventy percent of the time.” With a groan, she added, “Mrs. Henderson is probably going to threaten to fire me as a child care client.”

“You don’t like her, do you?”

“I like her fine. Well, I trust her with my kids. She’s responsible. But she always seems irritated with me.”

“No one could be irritated about a new baby.”

Privately Shawn was pretty sure Mrs. Henderson would find a way. She cleared her throat as the clock signaled the end of their break. “Please don’t tell anyone else about the baby. I don’t want to tell anyone the news until I let Eddie know.”

“Of course I won’t.” Tricia looked her up and down. “Though…now that I know the real reason you look so healthy, I can’t believe I didn’t see it two months ago. You better tell him ASAP.”

“Yeah, I was thinking that, too.”

“Maybe you could take him to Warner’s and tell him over dinner. That would set the right tone. And it would be a free meal, too.”

For a moment Shawn considered the possibility, then dismissed it just as quickly. No, she just needed to tell Eddie. Tell Eddie and then deal with the consequences.

Chapter Eight

Whether it was Tricia’s stern advice or the fact that she knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep until the deed was done, Shawn decided to tell Eddie the news the next time they saw each other. It just happened to be the following day, when he stopped by to pick up the girls.

Though she dreaded the look of recrimination that was sure to appear, Shawn prepared herself to deal with his reaction the best she could. Anything was better than the anger she imagined was in store.

Shawn met him at the kitchen door and started speaking before she lost her nerve. “Eddie, I’ve got something I need to talk to you about. Would you mind coming in for a few minutes?”

Frowning, Eddie gripped the doorjamb like he needed support or a barrier or something. “I’m exhausted. I worked twelve hours and haven’t eaten since I scarfed down a power bar at ten this morning. Can’t it wait?”

“No. No, I don’t think so.” Stepping back, Shawn opened the door wider. The movement caused his hand to fall. His stumbling for balance illustrated just how exhausted he really was.

She almost decided to reschedule.

Almost.

“This won’t take long, I promise. Please. It’s important.”

“Fine.” Eddie followed her through the entry into the cheery white-and-blue kitchen they’d painted together. Every time she sneaked a peek his way, his face was filled with worry and impatience. He ignored the chair across from her, choosing, instead, to lean against one of the big picture windows that surrounded the seating area. Arms tightly crossed over his chest, Eddie looked completely put out. Again. “So what’s up, Shawn? Do you have another scheduling problem?”

“No, I do not.” Unnerved by the snipe, she glared at him. “Eddie, was that really necessary? Honestly, when did you get so mean?”

For a moment he looked shamefaced. “Sorry. Shawn, I wasn’t exaggerating—I really am exhausted.” After taking a deep breath, he gave her his complete attention. “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

“I’ll speak when you sit down.” No way did she want to talk to him with him hovering over her like a bird of prey.

He wrapped a leg around the back of a kitchen chair without another word. For a moment, memories blasted her. He used to sit that way when they’d first had Kit. He’d sit there, his arms folded over the back of the chair, watching her feed their firstborn a bottle.

Just to keep her company.

What had happened to them? Now he simply looked pained, like even being in his old house was too much for him to deal with.

His fingers drummed the top of the ladderback chair. “So…what’s up?”

Oh, this was tough! “Quite a lot, actually,” she hedged.

“Such as?”

When she still tried to find the words, he shifted, sitting up a bit straighter, staring her way with concern. “Shawn? Is everything okay?”

Now this was the Eddie she’d fallen in love with. Reliable. Calm. Caring. It was why he’d been such a good MP and why he made an even better police officer. “Everything’s fine. I mean, the girls are okay.”

He blinked. “The girls? What, Shawn? Spit it out. You’ve got me imagining the worst here.”

She would’ve bet money he wasn’t. Sitting down, she ignored all her trial runs in front of the mirror and went for it. “I’m pregnant.” Before that could sink in, she rushed on with details and explanations. “Almost five months. It’s yours of course.”

Eddie Wagner, the tough cop, the invincible MP, the guy who always had an answer and a solution for everything, actually paled. “What? How?”

“Remember that night when Elsie had that fever?”

His jaw tightened. “I remember. Jeez.” For a split second he glanced at her mouth.

And that made her think about kissing him, about how they’d kissed, which made her think completely inappropriate thoughts. And of course made her wonder what exactly he was thinking.

Seeking refuge, she left the table and strode to the kitchen stove and put the kettle on. Determined to do something, anything, so she wouldn’t have to look at him. Eddie had always been able to render her speechless with one look.

She decided to go on the offensive. “I know you’re feeling angry.”

One of the hands that had been cupping his forehead dropped as he met her eyes. “Angry? Is that how I’m feeling, Shawn?”

Her hand shook as she turned on the burner. There was something different about Eddie’s voice. It was softer than she expected. Were his feelings that hurt? Was he just surprised?

Or was he just so darn mad that he didn’t trust his voice? Rather than guess, she spoke for him. “I know what you’re going to say. I should have told you the news long ago.”

“But you didn’t.”

Finally she faced him. Gone was the caring look of the terrific police officer. In its place was another look she knew so very well. Disdain. Disapproval. Impatience. “No, I didn’t,” she replied quietly.

And then she sat and waited. Waited for the accusations to fly, fast and furious.

EDDIE WISHED he had something to do with his hands. In his office he fussed with paperwork. On patrol there were a million things he could do to occupy himself in order not to give any hint of his thoughts.

But here, sitting across from Shawn, bare-handed, he felt completely torn apart. Bare. Vulnerable. And idiotic.

Why had he never even considered that their night could have ramifications? Back in the Army, he’d often found himself warning new recruits about the need for protection. “You’ve got to think about the worst-case scenario, because anything can happen,” he liked to say. “And something always happens.”

Too bad he’d conveniently forgotten that bit of advice. He clasped his hands together, realized they were sweaty, so he unfolded them and shifted.

A baby? Another baby?

Shawn looked to be on the verge of tears. “Eddie, I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you right now. I know you need time to sort things out.”

“To sort what out? Shawn, we’re having another baby.”

Another baby. Again.

Memories of their last pregnancy flooded him. Almost floored him. The mixture of emotions—elation, stark fear, anger at being kept in the dark—all swirled in his insides. Who did she think she was talking to?

“That’s right, we are. And just to let you know, I take full responsibility for this one.”

“This one? How would things be different than with the other pregnancies?”

“Honestly, Eddie! We were married for the others. We were a couple. This time…you didn’t know what could happen.”

“I’m pretty sure I did.”

“But—”

He knew she was riled up. But he was, too. She was treating him like some ridiculous hormonal boy. “Stop. Just stop.” When Shawn—for like the first time ever—actually listened to him and did what he asked, he looked at her a little more carefully.

He was amazed that he hadn’t seen the signs earlier. Shawn’s breasts looked fuller. So did her cheeks. For some reason, her cheeks always filled out when she was pregnant. Pretty. And that dress—he knew that dress. She’d practically lived in it when she was pregnant with Elsie. Now she was staring at him with those brown eyes he used to dream about.

He didn’t know what to think. Because he felt stunned and confused and freakishly like he was on Punked or Candid Camera or something crazy, he fired off a question. Questioning Shawn was so much easier than questioning himself. “You weren’t on the pill?”

“I went off birth control when we separated.”

That told him a million things. She hadn’t been with other men. She hadn’t planned to be with anyone, either.

The revelation humbled him. And brought forth an unwelcome bit of male pride. Shawn was his. Still.

Not that he was proud of that feeling.

Swallowing, he tried to act like the man he’d always tried to be. Tried to think logically, about reasons and consequences. “Shawn, I thought…I thought you took those pills for your periods, too.” He tried to remember all those little explanations for things that he’d tried never to think about. “So they wouldn’t be as heavy. I mean, wasn’t that what you said?” How weird was it to be talking about such personal things still? After they’d both supposedly moved on.

But as he recalled how much he hadn’t felt in Jayne’s presence, he realized that maybe things weren’t quite so strange, after all.

She blinked. “I did. I was, um, I was planning to get a procedure done to help with my periods. So I got off the pill.” She leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I never meant…” Her voice drifted off. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I know I should have told you about this earlier, but all of it has really thrown me for a loop.”

Shawn was a lot of things. Impulsive. Smart as a whip. Funny. But never devious. And, well, he hadn’t thought about the possibility of her getting pregnant, either. “I imagine it has.”

She looked at him in surprise. Once again their eyes met. For a moment faint humor lit hers. He almost smiled. After everything they’d been through, a small part of him really could see the humor in their situation. Rarely had things ever been typical with them.

Suddenly it was like old times again. Back when they’d been dating, Shawn had been able to coax him to do just about anything. All it would take was for her to scoot up next to him on the couch and slip her hand in his. She’d look at him with those big brown eyes and his heart would melt.

Just like it was now.

Oh, there were too many feelings warring inside. He stood and paced. Seeing that the sink was filled to the brim—as usual—he turned on the faucet and pulled out the dish soap. It was almost empty. It was always almost empty. Grabbing a sponge, he washed off the remains of their dinner last night.

At least his back was to her. At least it would give him a moment to gather his thoughts.

Grabbing a towel, she walked to his side. “Eddie—”

“You sit down and put your feet up.”

“My feet are fine.”

Suddenly recalling Kit’s statement about swollen ankles, he said, “I heard your ankles aren’t.”

“What?”

“Kit told everyone about your ankles.” Recalling Jayne’s words of wisdom, he said, “Are you eating too much salt?”

“No. It’s because I’m pregnant, Eddie. My ankles swell. They always have.”

“Are you taking care of yourself? Have you been sick? Nauseous?”

“Why do you want to know?”

That caught him off guard. Who knew why? Maybe it was just that old habits died hard. Though she’d never had difficult pregnancies, he’d always been aware that it had taken a toll on her body. “I want to know because I care.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Ed, I’m almost five months along. This time everything’s okay.” There. She said it.

Slowly he exhaled, then nodded. When he found his voice, he murmured, “Sit, then. Please.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” But she did sit back down. “But if I’m sitting, you need to stop cleaning. You know I’m done trying to have everything perfect around you.”

He was glad his back was to her. Her remark stung. “I didn’t always do the dishes to make you feel bad. Sometimes I was trying to help.”

“After a while it didn’t feel like that. After a while it felt like it was just one more area where I wasn’t good enough.”

Unspoken was the comment he’d made that he’d already wished a hundred times that he could take back. The comment about how maybe she should have taken better care of herself…

So many memories. So many missed opportunities to clarify things. To say what he really meant. “I can’t sit still. You know that.”

“I do know.” After a moment she whispered, “So are you mad?”

“No.” To his surprise, he wasn’t. “I’m just shocked.” Quickly he turned the water on full force, almost welcoming the scalding spray on his forearms. “Why didn’t you tell me? Earlier? When you first found out? Did you really think I’d freak out or something?”

“No. I knew you wouldn’t do that.” As if she, too, was attempting to speak as thoughtfully as possible, she said, “Believe it or not, I didn’t realize I was pregnant at first. At first, I just thought I was tired. And then, oh, I don’t know, I was sure I was coming down with the flu. I guess I should have known better. Babies have always come so easily to us.”

“I didn’t think about it, either.” Actually all he’d been trying to think about was how he was going to tell himself that sex with Shawn wasn’t still amazing.

She got up, crossed the room and finally stopped to lean against the white-tiled countertop. “I never imagined I’d be in this condition again. Especially after last time.”

“I know what you mean.” To his dismay, he’d never even imagined the possibility, either. Diving his hands into the hot water, he retrieved a fork.

Just like old times, she picked up a towel and started drying the dishes as he handed them to her. “Don’t ask me to sit down again. My ankles are fine.”

“I won’t say a word.”

Her working next to him at the simple task of cleaning the dishes made him remember their first apartment on base. They’d had an old two-burner stove, a tiny fridge, a stained sink and about three drawers.

“So the baby will be born when?”

“September. She’ll be born around Labor Day.”

“That’s a good month.”

Her lips curved. “I said the same thing. We don’t have any birthdays in September.”

Perhaps this was all meant to be. Perhaps they were meant to be together, for whatever reason. “Shawn, do you think we should get married again?”

Taking a cereal bowl from him, her eyes sparkled. “I can’t believe you’re asking me.”

“Why? You don’t think I’d want to?”

“I thought you’d tell me.” She gave him a mock salute. “Order me, like one of your men.”

“You were never that.” With a glare, he handed her a mixing bowl. “I’m asking now. Will you, Shawn? It would be the right thing to do.”

“I’m going to have to say no.”

His hands stilled in the soapy water. The instantaneous relief he expected didn’t come. Neither did sadness. “Shawn, think.”

“Eddie, believe me, that’s what I’ve been doing. All that getting married again is going to do is give us one more reason to argue.”

“I wouldn’t argue about a baby.” Jeez. Is that what she really thought of him? That he was some kind of ogre?

“This baby is going to give us one more reason to disagree about things. There’s going to be one more little body to take care of. More stress. More noise. More problems.” She put down the cookie sheet she was drying.

Weighing each word carefully, he said, “I was there, Shawn. This baby is going to be just like her sisters. I’m going to be a part of her life. I want to be a part of her life.”

“I wasn’t saying you wouldn’t. I just don’t want to live with you.”

She’d said it. She’d said the words before he could. And what was worse, he felt the same way.

And, of course, he had Jayne.

So why did hearing those words hurt so damn much? Pushing away from the kitchen counter, he said, “Shawn, I need a minute. Can I come back to get the girls in an hour or so? I can’t even think right now.”

To his relief, her eyes softened. “Of course.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry. This is my night. I bet you have plans.”

“I don’t.”

Though he heard her, he just kept talking. “I won’t be long. It’s just a little bit hard to take it all in. It’s—”

“It’s a lot. I know.”

A burst of giggles erupted from the back playroom. “The girls. Damn. I don’t know what I’m going to say to them about just taking off like this.”

“I’ll say the station called and you’ve got to go.”

He felt guilty. It wasn’t like him to dodge responsibilities. To dodge uncomfortable situations. “I hate leaving like this. I’ll be back. I’ve just got to—”

“It’s okay, Eddie. Believe me, I needed time, too.” She opened the back door. “Why don’t you take the whole night to yourself? The girls will be fine. It’s almost bedtime, anyway. Want to come back tomorrow morning? Will you have time or will you be working?”

“I’m off.”

She smiled. “Good. Well, then, how about we see you around nine?”

“Thanks. I mean, okay.”

“See you in the morning. Bye, Eddie.”

He held up his hand, ready to wave and turn away. But all of a sudden, that didn’t seem right.

They were going to have another baby. He looked at her. Really looked at her.

Shawn’s chin was tilted up, her mouth curved in a forced smile. And her eyes—those eyes he could read always. Pain and tension and worry and regret.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he gave in to instinct. To what his heart wanted. To what he needed. Stepping back from the doorway, he curved his arms around Shawn and pulled her close.

Automatically she wrapped her arms around him, tucked her chin against his chest and leaned close. Her clean scent filled his senses. Her soft skin felt incredibly familiar.

And that slight difference in her stomach—it felt familiar, too.

“We’ll make it work, Shawn,” he murmured. “Somehow we will. I promise.”

She leaned closer. “I know. It’s going to be okay.”

To his surprise, tears pricked his eyes. They had another baby on the way.

Right then, out of the blue, Eddie realized that all those feelings he used to have for Shawn were still alive and well.

He still had feelings for her. Something deep and abiding and so integrated with layers, that attempting to sort it all out was nearly impossible.

He backed away quickly and turned, not daring to meet her eyes. Stepping out into the garage without daring to look back.

He rushed out into the heat of the afternoon sun and climbed in his truck without looking her way.

As he reversed and drove out of the neighborhood, all he could think was that his life had become twisted again.

What were they going to do?

What was he going to do? What were his parents going to say? His dad would never understand—he’d put the blame completely on Eddie’s shoulders, with a few choice words about keeping his pants zipped.

All of which he deserved.

Just as he turned out of the neighborhood and drove toward the entrance ramp to the freeway, Eddie realized there was someone else who was never going to understand. Jayne. No, she wasn’t going to understand in the slightest.

His life was so screwed up he could hardly think straight. Although what he had been thinking that night five months ago wasn’t too clear, either.

Pretty sad for a guy who had always prided himself on being logical.

Chapter Nine

For the first time since his divorce, Eddie was grateful the drive to his condo took almost an hour. He needed space and time to think about Shawn and her news. News—the words was an understatement if ever he’d heard one.

No, the better word was baby. They were having a baby. Another one. Shawn was pregnant again and he was as much to blame as she was.

That was the plain and simple truth.

But as the consequences of that baby flashed in his mind, Eddie felt his stomach knot in ways it hadn’t since he was on patrol in Iraq.

He needed to decompress, and fast.

As soon as he pulled into his carport, he slipped on a pair of swim trunks and walked down to the beach. From the moment the powder-soft grains of sand edged between his toes and the sharp scent of salt water blew his way, he felt better.

The water pulled at him in a way Shawn had never understood. Perhaps it was the chaos of the sea—so different from his regimented occupation. Maybe it was the sheer vastness of it—who knew? But whatever it was, just being near the water relaxed his state of mind and gave him hope.

After a particularly bad few months in Iraq, Melanie sent him a box of worn seashells, sand and a CD with just the sounds of the ocean. His army buddies had teased him about the care package for days.

He couldn’t blame them. They’d had enough sand in every crevice of their bodies for a lifetime. But it sure hadn’t smelled like the sand from home.

And the CD, though it held no value to anyone else, was pure gold to him. He still had that CD in a drawer—he couldn’t bear to part with something that had meant so much at one time.

But Shawn had never understood its attraction, beyond the beauty of the water. It was probably because she hadn’t grown up with it. No, Shawn was a St. Louis girl and had only moved to Destin for her job at Carnegie. Florida and the give-and-take of the weather was still something she noticed and commented on.

Sometimes lately, he’d begun to take it for granted. He’d come home late from a shift and hardly look out the window, so eager to relax with his feet up and watch anything on TV to take his mind off things.

After tossing his flip-flops next to the wooden steps near the sidewalk surrounding his home, Eddie walked down to the surf. Very few people were out. He was grateful.

When he finally reached the water and it licked his toes, he breathed deep. This, he was familiar with. This, he could count on.

Shawn, not so much.

She was pregnant. Again.

Fate really had a sense of humor. One night with each other had produced another Wagner.

Maybe it was fitting. Eddie couldn’t recall the number of times he’d thought about that night together. The way being with her had been so comfortable. Her body had felt so good. So familiar.

He’d never been without a condom when he’d been in the military. And though there hadn’t been all that many women, he’d known himself and how situations could spiral out of control as soon as liquor or emotions were involved.

Shoot, he’d bought a box weeks before he and Jayne went to bed the first time. And though the sex had been good, they hadn’t been together all that often.

He’d blamed it on their crazy schedules. But maybe it had really been because Jayne wasn’t the one he loved.

Well, that relationship was now going to be in the past tense. There was no way Jayne was going to understand how he could have slept with Shawn while he was dating her.

Hell, he didn’t understand. It had just…happened.

Very little in his life just happened. His years in the Army had prevented spur-of-the-moment impulsive decisions. His career in the police force demanded careful planning and preparation with constant thought of consequences.

Enough time had passed since their marriage for him to realize that it had been wrong to put those perimeters on his home life. Little girls did stuff. They got sick. They got grumpy.

They crawled into his lap for a nap and made him forget everything but how great it was to hold a child and just be loved.

Shawn had been full of surprises, too. When they had first been dating, those surprises had been a rope to a new life out of the military. He used to love hearing her laugh. Used to look forward to going out with her, just because she was so different from him. Friendly and outgoing and ditzy in the best possible ways.

He still chuckled every time he remembered how she’d driven him to the pier, kissed him so sweetly for what felt like hours, then cried when she realized she’d managed to lose her keys in the ocean.

He’d never once chided her for being irresponsible. Instead, he’d shocked her by showing her that he not only knew how to break into her sedan, he could hot wire it, too.

When had everything changed? When had her love of life, her joyfulness, start to grate on him?

When they’d lost the baby? When so much of that joy had disappeared and he’d been hurting too much to do anything about it?

As Eddie watched the tide roll in, he had the uncomfortable feeling that he now knew what it was like to be Shawn. Things happened.

Things he’d never planned to happen.

“SOME THINGS never change, huh?” John Nelson muttered next to Eddie as they surveyed a dozen or so teenagers standing in the kitchen full of vodka bottles and beer cans. “We get older but kids still do dumb stuff.”

“You said it,” Eddie replied before picking up his phone and calling the next set of parents on the list.

The station had gotten a call about an hour ago about a party going on, one that had gotten too loud and out of control. When he and John had arrived, what they found was no surprise. Underage kids, parents out of town, liquor bottles sneaked out and a barrage of bad decisions all around.

Now the kids were sobering up, looking pretty green around the gills, and the steady stream of concerned parents took turns being angry, shocked and mortified.

He and John had been through this scenario at least a dozen times over the past few years.

After speaking to an irate mom, he clicked off his phone and pointed to the far wall. “Might as well have a seat, Tommy,” he said to the pale-faced teen. “From the sound of things, I think your mother is going to be a little bit.”

“I told her I was at the movies,” the boy said, looking sick.

“Too bad you didn’t go,” John said as he gestured another kid forward.

Two hours later Eddie and John were in the cruiser and heading back along the highway to the station. “Thank God they were only drunk in a house,” Eddie said. Oh, how he dreaded finding victims in drunk-driving accidents. And they had seen their fair share, patrolling in a resort city like Destin. College kids and tourists all seemed to feel like vacations meant they had a free pass from the consequences of drinking and driving.

As the clock edged toward midnight, John reminded Eddie about another incident involving dumb kids, which, of course, led to another story. That’s what they did, after all. They told stories and let off steam and bolstered each other up.

Their partnership was a good one, their friendship as solid and real as any he’d ever known.

Which was why Eddie was kind of surprised when John mentioned Melanie just moments before their shift was up. “I’ve been calling your sister.”

“Yeah? Is she answering?”

“She is.” With a sideways look, John added, “I think one day she might even agree to meet me for coffee.”

John was a good guy. Melanie would be lucky to have someone as caring as he was in her life. “I hope she says yes real soon.”

“Me, too.” Relief at Eddie’s approval showed in his eyes.

“Hey, John, you don’t have to tell me about you and Mel, you know.”

“We’re partners. We tell each other everything, right?”

“Almost.” Eddie grinned, fighting off the impulse to share all his news.

Once again, he was reminded of Shawn. Of how maybe she’d been on to something when she’d mentioned that the time to talk about the pregnancy had never felt right.

It sure felt hard at the moment.

“SO, RAMONA, I just thought you should know,” Shawn blathered as she finished up her speech to the call center manager. “I’m going to be on maternity leave come September.”

“I see.” Standing, the woman moved two thick binders onto the credenza behind her, giving Shawn a full view of her stylish gray suit, which was paired with a steel-blue shirt and platinum-colored heels.

It was an outfit that would never flatter Shawn, but made Ramona look elegant and beautiful. The suit’s color set off her gray eyes and silky brown hair, which she always wore up in a clip. All in all, Ramona Greer looked far younger than her forty-three years.

In contrast, Shawn was sure her too-snug sundress looked frumpy and hopelessly out of style.

It took a full minute for Ramona to finish typing her e-mail, send the attachment and exit the Internet. Finally she removed her glasses and broke into a smile. “So, are you okay?”

Nervousness made Shawn’s mouth go dry. “Yes.”

“Sure?”

She and Ramona had a complex relationship. Though they’d become friends of sorts, Shawn never forgot that the lady was her boss. A split decision could affect Shawn’s whole future. “What? Yes. I mean, of course. I’m not going to let this pregnancy interfere with my duties here.”

“You’re not, huh? Come on, Shawn. I might be your boss, but we’ve been through a lot together. Did you really think you could just come in here, announce your news and I’d only be thinking about work?”

“Sorry.” Shawn did feel chagrined. Though they’d never been lunch buddies or shopped together, they definitely did have a relationship. Ramona had first hired her when she was twenty-one. She’d been through her engagement, marriage, three pregnancies and one divorce.

For her part, Shawn had kept close tabs on her manager when her husband had died from lung cancer and she’d had to suddenly adjust to life as a widow at forty-one. “You’re right. I just don’t know how to describe this soap opera life of mine anymore. I’m feeling completely off-kilter. I never imagined being pregnant again. Or like this.”

“Like that?”

Though she knew Ramona was attempting to lighten the atmosphere, Shawn didn’t know if that was possible. “Yes, like this. I’m recently divorced! Everyone’s going to wonder who the father is.”

“Maybe not.”

“But even if they do all think it’s Eddie, I still feel dumb. Like some kind of scarlet woman, which is ridiculous.”

“I’d say.”

“And the father is Eddie. Did you know that?”

“I didn’t.” A bit of amusement flickered in her eyes. “But I would’ve bet money on it.”

“We’re divorced.”

“I remember the divorce well. I also remember the day you first talked to him on the phone. And your first date.”

“We walked on the beach,” Shawn blurted.

“Oh, you were so happy then. I have to say I was just a tad envious.”

“We were happy, but marriage isn’t for wimps. And, well, we grew apart.”

“You and Eddie have certainly been through a lot.”

“I still love him, but not as a husband. I mean, we just can’t live together.”

“You sure about that?”

“Pretty sure.” Shawn shook her head. “Scratch that. I’m definitely sure. We can’t live together—at least not on a day-to-day basis. And we’re not sleeping together, either.”

Ramona raised an eyebrow. “Just sometimes.”

“I don’t know what happened.” Once again visions of their incredible night together leaped to mind. Eddie had recently returned from a weekend fishing trip. He’d been as tanned as he’d been coming back from Iraq. He’d worn new cologne, too. He’d smelled so good. After one kiss, all she’d wanted was another taste of him. “We just…lapsed.”

Something painfully sweet passed over Ramona’s face. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Shawn. Some days I’d give a lot to have a lapse. And a baby on the way.”

Looking down, Shawn nodded. “I know. And I want a healthy baby. After last time, I feel guilty for even having a moment’s doubt. I know I’ll love her, too. But sheesh! This was unplanned.”

Pulling out an oversize calendar, Ramona said, “So what do you want to do about your job? Do you still intend to work after the baby comes?”

“Of course! Actually I’ve been trying to find a way to ask if I could have more hours. I’m going to need the money more than ever now.”

“I was hoping you would say that.” Ramona stood up, pulled a sheet from one of the many colored folders on her credenza. “There’s going to be a job opening soon. Faye Clancy is going to the Phoenix office to take a position in human resources. So I’m going to need someone to fill her spot. Faye, as you know, is a dayshift manager. It’s a forty-hour-a-week job, but it will mean a better insurance plan and quite a pay raise.”

“Do you think I could do it?” In her wildest dreams, Shawn had never imagined Ramona would greet her news by offering her a promotion.

“I think you could do anything you set your mind to. You’ve got a lot to offer here, Shawn, and not just to the company and our customers. A lot of employees look to you for guidance and support. Carnegie is lucky to have you. I know it, and what’s more, corporate in Phoenix knows it, too.”

Handing the paper to Shawn, she said, “Think about it for a week. I’ll post it next Friday if you turn it down. So, there’s no pressure. You’re my preferred candidate—but there are plenty of others in the office who would want to interview for it.”

“I’m interested.”

“I’m glad. You are certainly our first choice. And, well, it might be just what you need, Shawn.” With a wry grin, Ramona said, “Never underestimate the healing benefits of a good job.”

After taking the paper, Shawn clasped Ramona’s hand. “Thanks. Thanks a lot. There aren’t too many places that would offer me a job like this.”

“I would have been a fool not to. You’re an excellent employee and you have a way about you that others admire. But don’t let this pressure you,” she warned. “If it doesn’t feel right, other offers will come along.”

Shawn wasn’t so sure. For every person like Tricia, there were ten others who liked Carnegie as much as Shawn did and wanted a long-term career there. The powers that be wouldn’t take her refusal of a promotion lightly. “I’ll let you know my answer soon.” Thinking how clear everything felt at work, she murmured, “I wish things were this easy in my personal life. There, I feel like the biggest idiot imaginable.”

“Don’t shortchange yourself. You may be more of a successful mother than you’ll ever know.”

She’d been thinking more about her failures as a wife. But that hurt too much to share. “I’ll think about your offer. I promise.”

“Good. Now stop beating yourself up for being lucky enough to have another baby. It’s a blessing.”

A tremor reverberated through Shawn as she heard the wistful tone in Ramona’s voice. Ramona was correct—Shawn had been given a wonderful gift and so far had only been thinking of the negatives, not what a blessing having a baby could be.

Just as she turned to go, Shawn glanced at the other woman. “Ramona, how are you? Are you dating anyone?”

“No.” The lone word was bitten out, stark and so sad.

“Still too soon?”

Her smile cracked. “I don’t know if it’s too soon or not. My heart just isn’t in it. And, well, the two dates I did force myself to try were pretty awful.”

“Men are difficult.”

“Not all men. Mark wasn’t.”

“He loved you.” After her husband died, Ramona had arrived at work with dark circles under eyes and a telltale pallor to her skin. Everyone had been at a loss as to how to help their hurting manager, who seemed determined to keep all her pain private.

“He was a gem of a husband. I loved him, too. I always will. But a part of me doesn’t want to live in the past. I want to move forward and try again. Memories and a bottle of wine only get you so far on a Friday night.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t reached out to you more. I guess I’ve been so centered on my own problems. That’s no excuse.”

“Don’t worry, Shawn. Pretty soon I’m going to have to make some decisions about my future. But in the meantime, I’ll choose to help you with yours. So, no more talk about getting fired. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And you’ll take care of yourself?”

“I’ll do my best. And you’ll take care of yourself, too?”

“I will. I will for as long as I have to.”

Ramona sounded so determined and sad. So abject and resigned. Her words rang in Shawn’s ears for quite some time.

Chapter Ten

It was as if he was eleven again and had a secret. At 8:00 a.m., Eddie stood outside his parents’ house and took a deep breath. How the hell was he going to tell them about Shawn and the baby?

How in the hell could he not tell them?

“Ed?” his father called from the other side of the kitchen window. “I’ve been watching you wander around back there for fifteen minutes. You going to stand in the back porch all day or come on in?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” After opening the screen door, he was greeted with the unexpected sight of his parents drinking coffee and eating fruit and granola. That made him smile. His father’s usual routine involved pots of coffee and a Pop-Tart or two. “Dad, I didn’t know you knew what granola was.”

“I wish I still didn’t. Your mother’s got me on a diet.”

“His cholesterol was getting crazy. I decided to make some changes,” his mom said cheerily. “Coffee, Ed?”

“Yes, please.”

While his mom poured him a cup, his dad continued to grouse. “I’m now eating more fruits, vegetables and yogurt than I ever have in my entire life.”

“Fruit is good for you.” After thanking his mom for the coffee with a smile, Eddie added, “I’m sure it’s a lot better than the usual stuff you eat.”

“It wasn’t too bad.”

Thinking of his dad’s penchant for peanut butter cups, chips and salami sandwiches, Eddie said, “It wasn’t too good.”

His mom patted his dad’s back. “Now things are much better. Remember, honey, this isn’t a diet, it’s a new way of life.”

“This new way is a pain in my backside.”

His mom pretended not to hear. “Hungry, Ed?”

“Not really.”

“I am.”

“Hush, Bill.” In spite of Eddie’s reluctance, his mom brought him a bowl of raspberries, a carton of yogurt and a slice of apple cinnamon coffee cake. “Here you go, son. Now eat and tell us why you stopped by.”

There was only one way to go about sharing the news. Straightforwardly. “I saw Shawn a few days ago. We talked.”

Sharon glanced at Bill, then nodded encouragingly. “What did you two talk about?”

“About the fact that she’s pregnant.”

His dad pulled over the slice of cake from Eddie’s plate, jabbing at it with a fork. “I see.”

“I don’t.” Sharon frowned, so visibly upset that she didn’t even fuss at Eddie’s dad. “This news has floored me. I didn’t think she was seeing anyone.”

There was no easy way to admit the truth. There never was. Feeling vaguely like he had in the Army when he’d been the bearer of bad news, he looked straight ahead and blurted the truth. “The baby’s mine.”

“I see,” his mom said, though it was incredibly clear she didn’t. “Well. So, uh, how far along is she?” Tentatively, she said, “Is everything okay?”

“She’s five months. Out of the danger zone.”

For a brief moment his dad closed his eyes, making Eddie realize once again that none of them had been unaffected by the miscarriage.

When he glanced Eddie’s way again, however, Bill’s expression was not as contemplative. “She’s five months? What kind of divorce was this, son? If you two intended to still fool around, you should’ve just stayed together.”

“Everything would have been a lot easier,” his mom agreed.

“We haven’t been fooling around. It was a onetime thing. One late night.”

His mom tilted her head just enough to make the ends of her auburn hair brush her jaw. “And what about Jayne? Are you sleeping with Jayne, too? Because if you are, I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Eddie was glad he hadn’t even made a dent in his food, because he’d be having a hard time choking it down. “Who I’m sleeping with is none of your business.”

“It kind of is, if you’re producing grandchildren right and left.”

“Dad!”

“Don’t play shy now, Edward. I don’t want to know the details. I just want to know what’s going to happen with our new grandchild.” Sizing his son up, he asked, “Are you sure you’re the father? Maybe Shawn is sleeping with other men, too.”

“Yes, I’m certain.” For some reason, he was prepared to defend Shawn’s honor. “She doesn’t sleep around.”

“That’s only something you do, huh?”

Why had he thought this would be an easy conversation? “I’ve only recently been sleeping with Jayne. Are you two happy now?”

His parents exchanged glances. After a good pause his mother blurted, “Only recently? But you’ve been dating for a while. Why’d you wait so long? Because you still have feelings for Shawn?”

His father answered before Eddie could tackle that one. “Obviously. He’s still making babies.”

“It was one time!” Eddie snapped. Though that also wasn’t quite the truth. It had been several times during one amazing night.

To his shock, his mother smiled. “That one time must have been something else.”

Closing his eyes, Eddie breathed deeply and tried to hold his patience. “This is definitely not going like I thought it would.” He pulled over the dish of raspberries and tossed a few in his mouth. As the tart sweetness exploded on his tongue, he said, “I thought you two were going to be shocked.”

His dad glared. “Oh, we are.”

“We are really shocked,” Sharon said, looking him over. “But I’m more shocked to hear about your indifference to Jayne, if you want to know the truth.”

“I’m not indifferent—”

Slicing another piece of cake, Sharon continued, “Jayne’s a nice girl, but she’s young. And she’s looking for a future, Eddie. She’s going to want her own babies. I don’t know what she’s going to think about a future with you and Shawn.”

“You know, Shawn doesn’t want me involved like that. She doesn’t want to get married again.”

“It doesn’t matter what she says—or what she wants,” his dad pointed out. “You already are involved. And you will be involved with Shawn and your children for the rest of your life.”

“I know.”

His dad forked another bite of cake. “Do you?”

His mother patted his shoulder. “Eddie, did you come over here to tell us the news or ask for advice?”

“I don’t know. Maybe both,” he admitted. “I thought I was here just to tell you, but I’m reeling. I don’t know what to do about Shawn. She’s kept that news from me all this time. How could she keep something so important a secret?”

“I guess she’s the only person who can tell us that. But maybe she didn’t know how to deal with things, either? Give yourself some time, dear. You need time to let things sink in.”

“I don’t have weeks to process all this and plan ahead like I usually do. Shawn’s going to have a baby in September.” He raked a hand through his hair. “September.”

His parents exchanged glances. “That’s a good month.”

In spite of their serious conversation, Eddie felt himself smile. Everyone liked the idea of a September baby. “What should I do about Jayne? She’s going to be furious.”

“I imagine so.” Spearing a raspberry, his dad spoke again. “But I’d think long and hard about this. One relationship is hard. Two sounds downright impossible.”

“Especially with a baby on the way.”

“Especially with another one,” Eddie murmured right before he took his parents’ advice and headed out the door. A walk on the beach might not help, but at least it wouldn’t make things worse.

Chapter Eleven

“You didn’t have to be here,” Shawn whispered to Eddie as they sat thumbing through baby magazines in the pink-and-ivory waiting room. “Accompanying me on this appointment really wasn’t necessary.”

“Sure it was. No way was I going to have you go to all of these checkups by yourself.”

“I went by myself before and everything was fine.”

Tossing the magazine back on the table, he said, “How many have you gone to? Four?”

“One.”

“One?” He barked the word, giving to the four other women in the room the perfect excuse not to even pretend to do anything else besides stare at them.

And of course he had to have worn his uniform, so he looked as gorgeous as ever.

“Keep your voice down,” Shawn hissed. And since it was obvious to everyone that her attention was definitely not on Family Fun Vacations, she tossed her magazine down next to his. “And yes, one.”

“Even though last time—” He shook his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

Even though last time she’d miscarried at nine weeks. “We’d already gone to the doctor by then, if you remember.”

“I remember. Sorry. Look, I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“You shouldn’t be,” she said after a moment. “It’s always with us. We can’t help that.”

“No, I guess we can’t.” For a moment she thought he was about to reach for her hand. If he had, she knew she would have taken it.

There were some things that would always be between them. Some things that could never be taken away.

The reception door swung open just in time. “Mr. and Mrs. Wagner?”

“Yes.” Shawn answered, not seeing a need to correct the nurse as they strode into the awaiting hallway.

AS THEY WERE LED down the hall, Shawn found herself glancing Eddie’s way. To her surprise, he was scanning the pale pink walls and bulletin boards filled with birth announcements with a smile, all traces of their argument long gone.

“Here’s Elsie’s photo,” he said, pointing to the pink-and-white announcement Shawn had made on their home computer. Standing next to him, she chuckled. “Elsie was so bald. Oh, she was cute.”

The nurse grinned. “You two already have a child?”

“We already have three. We’re here for number four,” Eddie said just as if they’d planned it.

“Four! Oh, my! We don’t have too many patients who want to have four children.”

“Sometimes things just happen,” Shawn said dryly as she stepped on the scale.

Eddie didn’t even try to look away from her weight. When he frowned at it and then at her, she glared his way. “What?”

“Your weight seems low. Would you look back and see what Shawn’s weight was for her fifth month last time?”

Before Shawn could intervene, the nurse—Debbie—was flipping through pages. “Here it is,” she said, pointing to the notation. “Mrs. Wagner, you’re ten pounds less at five months than the last time.”

“That’s great.” Now she’d have even less baby weight to take off.

But Eddie shook his head, still concerned. “I don’t think it’s great. Go back and check her weight with the other two, would you please?”

Now Shawn was just getting annoyed. “Eddie, this isn’t any of your business,”

Debbie pointed to a chair. “Why don’t you have a seat, Shawn? This might take a moment.”

Shawn couldn’t believe it, but she sat. And waited. And then felt a little bit of anxiety when Debbie reported that she was eight pounds less than she was during Kit’s and Mary’s pregnancies, too. “It’s probably because I was lighter to begin with. I lost weight during the divorce.”

“That much?”

Actually she wasn’t sure. “Probably.”

“I’m writing a note for Dr. Axman,” Debbie said. “Now, let’s get your blood pressure.” After a few moments she smiled at Eddie. “Blood pressure’s good.”

“That’s great.”

When they entered the examining room, Shawn had given up pretending Eddie wasn’t involved and didn’t want to be. Obviously he wanted to be involved a lot. When they were alone, she murmured, “Ed, I’ve got to slip out of this dress. Want to turn around?”

Instead of answering, he walked behind her and deftly unfastened the top three buttons of her dress, then helped her pull it over her head. Just as she started to feel exposed, standing in front of him in a maternity bra and underwear, he picked up the neatly folded cloth robe on the exam table, flicked it open and helped her into it.

The whole process took a minute, tops. So why did it feel as if their comfort level with each other had just taken another dramatic shift forward? Eddie had to be the only person she knew who could help her change clothes in such a relaxed way, without a hint of embarrassment.

Given their circumstances, that was a good thing. So why was she wishing she’d chosen undergarments that were at least a little bit prettier?

“I didn’t mean to make a big deal about your weight, but I still care,” he said, taking a seat across from her. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick. Or the baby, of course.”

Her heart melted as she faced a few truths, too. No one could go through eight years of marriage and not care. “I know you do. I still care about you, too.”

“Please don’t push these monthly checkups away anymore. They’re important.”

He’d said please. “I won’t. Not anymore.”

He’d just nodded when Dr. Axman entered the room. “I heard we have my favorite police officer here,” she said as she walked over to him and shook his hand.

“I’ll be here from now on,” he replied with a grin.

“Glad to hear it.” She turned to Shawn with a smile. “So, Debbie tells me Eddie has been doing a little bit of detective work about your weight.”

“He must be the only guy on earth who likes fat pregnant women.”

“You’ve been full of baby, but never were overweight. Certainly not fat.” To Shawn’s surprise, the doctor wasn’t laughing off his concerns, either. “This is a pretty significant weight loss, Shawn. Are you eating regularly?”

“Yes.”

“Eating well?” prodded Eddie.

“I don’t know. I’m eating what I can.”

“Maybe she’s doing too much,” Eddie suggested. “Are you taking time to rest and put your feet up, Shawn?”

Well, this was a change from his past criticisms. “I don’t have time to sit around with my feet up. I work. I run after three girls and try to keep up with the rest of my life.” Which was, she knew, where she’d been falling apart.

Dr. Axman made a few notes. “How often do you eat?”

“I don’t know.”

“Five to six small meals is ideal.”

She hardly had time for three meals. “I’ll try and eat more.”

“And sleeping? Are you getting any rest?”

“Yes.” She was getting some.

Eddie’s eyes narrowed. “Is Elsie sleeping through the night or still wandering in at 2:00 a.m.?”

“She wanders, but it doesn’t usually keep me up.” Well, not every night.

Dr. Axman pushed her wire-rimmed reading glasses up on her forehead. “Usually I would say your home situation is none of my business, but in your case, I think it is. So, you two are living still apart?”

Eddie answered that one. “Yes.”

“We’re divorced,” Shawn reminded the doctor.

“How often do you have the girls, Eddie?”

“One or two nights a week.”

“Any chance you could up that? Or at least help out Shawn a bit in the afternoons or evenings? If she’s not chasing toddlers, she might be more able to take care of herself and your baby.”

“I can do that. Of course.”

Shawn bit her lip to contain her surprise. Eddie had always been a loving father, but he’d never acted as if he would willingly put his schedule on hold for her.

Looking directly at her, Eddie said, “We’ll work something out, okay, Shawn?”

“Sure. If that’s what we need to do.”

If Dr. Axman noticed the incredulousness in her voice or found it strange at all, she didn’t comment. Instead, she fished a tape measure from her lab coat. “Let’s see what else we can find out.”

After measuring Shawn’s belly, she placed a monitor on her stomach and turned up the volume. Just like always, there was the sweetest sound ever. Smiling, she said, “The baby sounds good.”

“She sure does,” Eddie said, grinning. “We’re calling her Four.”

“For the record, Number Four’s heartbeat is strong, and your body seems fine. It’s just this lack of weight gain that’s a bit troublesome.” Making a notation in her chart, Dr. Axman said, “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’ll take some blood and make sure everything is how it should be. And just for this month, I want you to keep a food diary so we can see what you’re eating.”

“Everything?” How was she going to be able to write down the French fries she’d eaten just the night before? The whole plate of them.

“Everything. Don’t be shy. I’ve been pregnant and loved chocolate-chip ice cream. And I’ve had plenty of patients who’ve liked the darnedest things.”

“I’ll try.”

Eddie groaned. “Shawn, come on. Promise you’ll do this.”

“I promise I’ll do the best I can.”

Stepping toward the door, Dr. Axman directed a stern look her way. “The other thing is, I want you to promise that you sit down and relax more. Things with Four look good. This time it’s you I’m concerned about.”

“I’ll try and relax. I promise.”

“Good. Get dressed. Debbie will be in to take some blood in a few moments,” the doctor said before exiting the room.

When they were alone, Eddie handed Shawn her dress. “I hope you really will try to eat and rest more,” he murmured. “I’ll come by every day to help if that’s what you need.”

She was stunned into silence. Since Eddie still didn’t seem fazed by her body in any state of dress or undress, she loosened the ties and removed the gown. Before slipping on the dress, she looked down at herself as objectively as she could. “I don’t think I’m too thin, Ed. I mean, the rest of me looks like it always did. Right?”

Eddie stepped closer. Skimmed a glance over her thighs, then ran upward. So slowly, so thoroughly, she could practically feel his gaze brush against her skin.

Before she realized it, her mouth had gone dry and her skin felt sensitized. As if they had all the time in the world, Eddie curved a hand around one shoulder, then gently tilted her chin up with the other.

Their eyes met.

“You look great, Shawn. Perfect. Just like you always did. I just worry.”

About what? About the baby? Or her? “I promise I’ve been taking care of myself. I wouldn’t neglect Four.”

“I know that,” he murmured. “I promise I know that.” With a sigh, he slid his hand from her shoulder to the small of her back, seeming to enjoy the feel of her bare skin as much as she enjoyed his touch.

The yearning to lean against him was too strong to deny. Giving in, she closed the scant six-inch gap and rested her forehead against his chest.

Chuckling, Eddie wrapped his other hand around her.

Oh, his touch felt so wonderful. He smelled so good, too! Like starch from his uniform and soap and Armani cologne. Shawn closed her eyes and relaxed, giving in to the temptation to just feel Eddie next to her. To enjoy being held, to pretend that she wasn’t alone and that everything between them wasn’t so rocky. For just a moment, she let herself forget that she needed to go back to work. That she hadn’t done the laundry in four days. That she doubted she’d have much energy to cook up anything other than TV dinners for supper.

A brief rap followed by Debbie’s cheery greeting pulled them apart. “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were still…getting dressed.”

The door closed with a hasty click.

Shawn was sure her whole body was beet red. “I can’t believe we were doing that, Eddie. I can’t believe I was sitting here in my bra and underwear hugging you.”

To her amazement, Eddie looked just as flustered as she felt. “We just can’t seem to stop sometimes, can we?”

Hastily she shoved her dress over her head. “I don’t know what happens.”

He glanced at her bare legs. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll get going,” he said quickly. “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay.”

“And I’ll tell Debbie it’s all right to come in now.”

Yes, her dress was now securely on and smoothed over her knees. “That would be appreciated.” Meeting his gaze, she said softly, “Bye, Eddie.”

He waved a hand and left.

Hardly a moment went by before Debbie entered with everything she needed to take Shawn’s blood. Shawn held out an arm.

There’d be no problem getting blood drawn today, she figured. After all, her pulse was racing.

Chapter Twelve

Now that Eddie knew about the baby and was accompanying her to the doctor, Shawn knew it was time to tell the girls, as well. She’d briefly thought about asking Eddie to join her for the announcement, but after talking to him about the pros and cons, they’d both decided it would be best if she did this on her own. The girls were just getting used to their separation. Eddie had Jayne now, too. The last thing the girls needed was to view their parents as a couple again.

It was going to be a tough discussion, Shawn was sure of that. However, it was time to start planning for the future, instead of sitting around, regretting the past.

With that in mind, she joined Kit and Mary in the playroom. They were currently using old Lincoln Logs to make homes for tiny stuffed animals—all toys Eddie’s parents had collected and saved from Eddie’s and Melanie’s childhood. “Girls, come here for a moment, would you? Mommy needs to talk to you.”

“What is it?” Kit asked, her hand still clutching a tiny tiger.

Mary smiled hopefully. “Are we going to go to the zoo?”

Oh, the zoo was Mary’s favorite place in the world. “No, it’s something even more special than the zoo, if you can imagine that.”

After lowering herself across from them on the carpeting, Shawn crossed her legs and reminded herself to keep her voice even and neutral. It was tough because she was feeling nervous. This was an important event and how she broke the news to the girls was going to set the stage for how they felt about the baby in the months to come. “We’re going to have another baby in the family.”

“Whose baby are we gonna have?” Kit asked.

Well, that was something Shawn hadn’t figured on. “Mine. I’m going to have another baby. Mommy’s pregnant.”

Both girls stared at her belly. Mary scrunched up her face. “But we don’t need another baby. We have Elsie.”

“Elsie’s almost a big girl now. And, um, I guess other plans were in store for us. Come September, we’ll have another Wagner.” As the girls stared at her in wonder, Shawn shifted her position on the floor. Oh, how had this happened? In the past eighteen months she’d lost a husband and gained a baby.

“I don’t want her!” Kit cried.

“Me, neither,” Mary said with a frown. “Where’s she gonna sleep?”

Funny how even the girls assumed a girl was on the way. “She’ll sleep in my room for a time, then I guess we’ll see.” Thinking about logistics made it seem so much more real. “Either you two can share a room, or one of you can share with Elsie, and the baby will have the old nursery.”

“I’m the oldest,” Kit said. “I get my own room.”

“That’s not fair!” Mary teared up. “I wanna be the oldest.”

Kit raised her chin. “I’m always going to be the oldest. Always.”

When Mary started crying in earnest, Shawn leaned back against the wall. “Settle down now,” she said. “All this arguing is going to wake up the baby.”

Kit shook her head. “You mean Elsie. We’ve got a baby coming.” Still looking resentful, she added, “Another one.”

Sobbing, Mary threw herself into Shawn’s lap. Shawn caught her with ease, all the while wishing things were different.

Wishing she didn’t feel like the lone barrier between her precious daughters and the rest of the world.

Wishing someone was around to hold her.

Still holding the tiger, Kit said, “What about Daddy?”

There was a time for truth and a time to paint pretty pictures. “Daddy’s excited about the baby.” Well, that wasn’t necessarily a lie. He was sure to be excited once he had worked through his shock.

“So he’s coming back? Coming back to us?”

“No.”

Mary looked crushed. “Why not?”

“Because things between Daddy and me haven’t changed. Even though he’s excited, he’s not going to move back home. We’ll still live in separate houses.”

Kit looked around their bright blue-and-white kitchen. “It’ll still just be us here and Daddy at his place.”

Mary nodded. “Daddy has to stay in his green kitchen with the seashells across the top.”

“Uh, yes. But it’ll still be okay.”

“We know.”

“Mary, you sure?”

“You and Daddy said you don’t want to be married to each other. Not anymore.” The statement was almost exactly what Shawn had said a hundred times.

Now that Mary’s tears were finally dried up, Shawn got to her feet. “We’re going to be just fine,” she said. “I promise.”

Kit reached out and patted her stomach. “And the baby, too.”

Since the baby was moving, Shawn slipped her hand over Kit’s and moved it so she could feel the baby, too. “That’s right. The baby will be fine, too.”

EDDIE HAD PUT IT OFF as long as he could. He’d dodged dates with Jayne by citing problems at work, visits with the girls and sheer exhaustion.

But he couldn’t do it any longer. No one had to tell him that he had to break the news to Jayne. If he ever wanted their relationship to be stronger, he had to trust her to accept his past and all the baggage that came with it.

She was a mature, confident, together person. He was sure they could weather this latest bit of news. Somehow.

But still, without a doubt, he had definitely picked the absolute worst time to tell Jayne about the baby. No, that wasn’t true. He hadn’t actually picked the time—he just couldn’t take it any longer.

Time couldn’t go any slower. And his starched collar felt tight, like it had him in a choke hold. The whole affair, an engagement party for a woman Jayne taught with, was too extravagant for his tastes. Champagne flowed, the scent of roses was so thick you could almost taste it, and Jayne clung to his arm like she was looking forward to announcing their engagement soon.

Talk of love and newlyweds and honeymoons filled the air, making Eddie feel even older and more jaded than he already did.

Dressed in a sequined black chiffon gown and her beautiful hair twisted into some kind of crown at the top of her head, Jayne looked like a princess.

As they moved from group to group, Jayne introduced him, smiled flirtatiously and made sure everyone there knew he was hers. “He’s a sergeant, you know,” she said time and again, clutching his hand in hers. “And he was an officer in the Army for years before that.”

The men and women all nodded a welcome, or worse—looked like he was about to write them a ticket and stuttered out something nonsensical.

He, in turn, pretended he was having the time of his life.

It was damned awkward. He should have begged off, instead of feeling so obliged to attend. It shouldn’t matter that he’d said yes a month ago, when things in his life were far different.

Two months ago, he would have felt proud to be by her side. Now, though, he was a bit uncomfortable.

Yes, that had to be the reason for his unsettled feelings. Not the fact that he couldn’t completely put out of his mind the memory of holding Shawn at the doctor’s office. Surely, as soon as he revealed the news to Jayne, they’d be back to moving things forward again. “How much longer do you want to stay, Jayne?”

“Oh, Eddie, are you ready to get out of here? So soon?” Promise lit her green eyes. In spite of the direction his mind was going, parts of him still perked up, which really made him feel like a jerk. He should have more control.

But…damn. She was an attractive woman, and that was a fact.

But it wasn’t enough anymore. Hell, maybe it had never been enough. He’d had something special with Shawn. Something deeper and more meaningful than simple sexual attraction.

Though, if his behavior in her doctor’s office was any indication, there certainly was still that.

He felt like his future had just been decided without any say-so from himself. And it was aggravating and made him feel like a rookie cop reporting in the first day on the job.

“I want to talk to you about something. It’s kind of important.” Eddie barely refrained from rolling his eyes. His news was “kind of” real important.

“I’ll get my wrap.”

Thirty minutes later, Jayne was looking at him like he’d just sprouted horns on his head. “I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand. You said you’d moved on.”

“I had.” Feeling ineffectual, he shrugged. “Believe me, there’s nothing you could say that I haven’t said to myself already.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for another relationship?”

That, he could answer. “Definitely.”

Jayne looked him over again. After a moment she sighed. “Eddie, I’m going to be honest with you. I thought we were heading toward marriage. Not next week or anything, but I thought you cared about me. I thought we had a future.”

“I do care about you.” At least, he thought he did. He wasn’t ready to lose her. “You know, there’s no rush, is there? Maybe we can slow things down. Take things one day at a time.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

He hugged her because he wasn’t sure if he felt the same way and he didn’t want to lie. But, Eddie thought, he could love Jayne. One day.

Maybe.

When they parted, he murmured, “If you want to break things off, I’ll understand.”

“I’m not sure what I want.” Wiping her cheek with a knuckle, she murmured, “Maybe I just need some time.”

“You’ll have it.” As he looked at her again, at her pretty features, at her tremulous smile, he felt completely at a loss. With himself, with the circumstances. “It’s no excuse, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean for all this to happen. It was just one night. And it was an accident.”

“Accidents involve cars and trees, Eddie. Or spilled milk. Or a thousand other little things.” With a sad shake of her head, she added, “Accidents do not entail sleeping with ex-wives. Do you still love her?”

“No,” he said quickly. “I mean, not in a romantic sense. She is the mother of my children, though.”

“You are loyal.” She pursed her lips. “Well, I guess that’s something.”

“I’m going to take you home.”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course. But be warned, I may not pick up the phone.”

That was the Jayne he knew. Sweet, but with a bit of spunk. Maybe things were going to work out, after all. “I’ll keep trying.”

Later, after dropping her off and heading on home, Eddie was surprised to realize that all the tension he’d thought would leave as soon as he was open with Jayne was still resting in his shoulders, alive and well.

No, things hadn’t gotten any easier. Just a whole lot more complicated.

Chapter Thirteen

“Elsie is sick,” Mrs. Henderson said over the phone, very succinctly and clearly. “You should not have brought her in today. Frankly I’m surprised that you could be so thoughtless about the welfare of the other children in my care.”

Just when Shawn had thought she’d heard it all, her babysitter came up with a new way to insult her. But this was a new low.

Staring at her mess of a desk—cluttered with her new, very annoying food diary, notes from her latest phone conversations and two granola bar wrappers, Shawn tried to make her see reason. “Elsie is teething. I think that’s why her stomach is so upset.”

“I have six other children to look after. I cannot afford to be changing one child’s clothes every hour.”

It had been once in three hours—and had never happened before. “Like I said, I don’t think she’s sick.”

“Yet…she is.”

Straining for patience, Shawn tried again. “See, Mary’s stomach acted up when she was getting molars, too. Don’t you remember?”

“Mrs. Wagner, when may I expect you?”

Mrs. Henderson had won the battle. “I’ll be there within the hour. That’s as quick as I can make it.”

“I’ll be waiting. Thank you.”

Shawn couldn’t help but groan when she hung up the phone. Oh, the nerve of that woman! She seemed to love to treat Shawn like a truculent teen, giving her little more than a miserly smile. Never giving her more than an inch of leeway. In short, Mrs. Henderson seemed to revel in making Shawn feel like a failure.

Oh, yes. She was very good at that.

Just as she was getting ready to dial Ramona’s number and tell her that she was going to clock out, her boss appeared down the aisle. “I was just about to call you,” Shawn said as soon as her boss approached. “I’m having trouble with my babysitter. Again. Elsie’s molars are coming in. She’s hurting and fussy and has a bit of an upset stomach. Mrs. H. wants me to pick her up right now.”

Ramona frowned. “I don’t know much about babies, but that seems a bit drastic, don’t you think?” She glanced at the clock on the far wall. “You’ve only been here two hours.”

“Tell me about it. I’m going to have to make up today’s time. Even staying here half a day would have helped my schedule.”

“You can’t explain things to her?”

“No, I’m sorry. To you, Elsie is teething. To me, Elsie is teething and is in pain and needs some extra love and attention. To Mrs. Henderson, my Elsie has the plague and is infecting everyone. I don’t think upset stomachs are in her contract.”

“I sure am sorry.”

“Me, too, but I suppose it’s my own fault. I know Mrs. H is terribly inflexible, but I never do too much to try and find a new sitter,” Shawn said as she opened up her canvas tote and started stuffing paperwork into it. “Listen, I’ll log on from home and enter in the rest of my data.”

Ramona patted her hand. “Don’t worry. I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After Ramona left, Tricia popped her head up from the other side of the cubicle wall they shared. “What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. Unless you can help me find a new sitter.” In spite of her usual efforts not to speak ill of her babysitter, frustration with the woman made her say more than usual. “Now I’ve got to go clock out, make up the time later this week. Maybe even on Saturday.”

After hastily shutting down her computer, Shawn cleared off her desk so that whoever sat in her spot during the next shift would find every thing in order.

Then she glanced over at Tricia again. Her buddy was now sitting down but still not even pretending to work. Almost meekly, Shawn said, “You know, I wouldn’t mind leaving early if Elsie was really sick. I never would have just dropped her off if she had a fever or something. I’m not heartless.”

“You could never be heartless. And don’t worry, Shawn, we both know the truth. She’s not sick—she’s teething.”

It was so nice to hear someone on her side, Shawn felt those darn hormones click in and tears prick her eyes. “Why aren’t you my babysitter, Tricia?”

Looking at her blinking phone with a frown, she said, “Believe me, I wish I was. I’d give a lot to spend the afternoon with a cranky toddler, instead of answering these phones.”

“I’ve gotta go.” Not afraid to nudge Tricia a bit, she pointed to the blinking light. “And you better get to work.”

“I know.” Brightening, she said, “Hey, I’m off tomorrow. I’ll watch Elsie for you if she’s still crabby. I love your kids. And a day spent in the company of Barney, Dora and Thomas the Tank Engine sounds like a dream.”

“Thanks, Tricia. I just might take you up on it.”

“Call me later.”

After flying to her van, stopping to get an extra bottle of children’s Motrin, a box of cherry Popsicles and some iced tea mix, she pulled into Mrs. Henderson’s driveway just fifty minutes after the sitter’s phone call.

Shawn was pretty proud of herself for not only being on time, but even a little early.

The pickup went about as she expected. All three girls were happy to see her but confused as to why their mom was picking them up early. Elsie was uncomfortable and fussy and crying. But that didn’t stop Mrs. H from giving Shawn a piece of her mind. “Please don’t bring Elsie in tomorrow if she’s still like this.”

“She probably still will be cranky. Teeth don’t come in during one day.”

“Feel free to bring the other two, though.”

“There’s no reason for me to bring you two kids if the third can’t come. I wish you’d be a little more professional.”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Wagner. Oh, it’s Ms., isn’t it?”

“It’s definitely ‘Ms.’” Shifting Elsie to the opposite hip, she helped Mary and Kit get in the van, then drove home. The June heat had already radiated through the van during the short pickup. By the time they pulled into the driveway, Shawn’s back was sweaty and she was exhausted.

After getting everyone a snack of yogurt and fruit, Shawn got settled with them in the living room. Kit was full of stories about her art project and had big plans to spend the afternoon coloring and watching cartoons. Mary, as usual, was happy to play with her dolls and animals near Shawn. Elsie, once a frozen washcloth was in her mouth, fell asleep on the floor near Mary.

An hour later, dressed in shorts and one of Eddie’s old T-shirts, Shawn couldn’t help but smile when Mary gave her a sleepy hug.

“It’s fun staying home, Mommy.”

“I think so, too, sugar. I like seeing you girls and it feels good to stretch out in this big chair. My back was killing me today.” As the afternoon sun shifted along the horizon, her eyes drifted closed.

Only an impatient knocking roused her.

“Shawn? Shawn, are you okay?”

Kit opened the door before her mother could shake the sleep off. “Hi, Daddy. We were taking a nap.”

Shawn slowly peeked open an eye as Eddie followed Kit into the room.

Blinked as she met Eddie’s gaze. In an instant they were back in the doctor’s examining room, his arms warm and solid and holding her.

Back to another time. Back to when they first met, before children.

Back when there wasn’t a hundred-pound bag of mistakes between them, only the tempting link of attraction. Back to when just one look would send them eager to bed. Or to anywhere private.

“Hey,” he said. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.”

The unexpected visit was a surprise. “Hi. Guess you got my message?”

“I did.”

“Sorry I don’t have the girls ready. We all fell asleep.”

In Eddie’s gaze was humor and understanding. “You never could resist a nap, Shawn.”

Curving her arms around her stomach, she stared right back and tried to pretend she didn’t realize that his orange T-shirt came from a trip to Key West six years ago.

Remembered how grateful she used to be when they saw each other at the end of the day, because then she’d be in his arms again. Remembered how nervous she used to get when he was on patrol. And how weak with relief she’d be at the end of his shifts when she’d realize he’d come home once again without a scratch on him. “Some things never change, I guess,” she said with a smile.

His gaze warmed. “Since you’re in my shirt and we’ve got a baby on the way, I’d say you’re right. Some things never seem to change at all.”

Chapter Fourteen

Eddie’s body had jumped to attention the minute he’d seen Shawn sleeping in her rocker. He’d bought that chair for her the day of Kit’s sonogram. Shawn had been so excited about having a girl.

So sweetly pleased about their marriage, about their future, she’d taken to wrapping her arms around her stomach in such a way that it looked like she was passing on a hug. Then and there, he’d known he wanted to get something special for her.

She’d cried when he’d carried it in that night after his shift, saying, “Are you sure?” about a hundred times.

When he’d said of course he was sure, he asked her what was going on, and that was when she’d told him she was sorry. Shawn had been disappointed on his behalf, sure that a former Army man like himself was pining for a son to pal around with.

She couldn’t have been more wrong. He’d been thrilled to know a girl was on the way. After serving as an MP for too long and then completing police training, he’d been around enough testosterone for a lifetime. He looked forward to sweet smells and Barbie dolls and Cupid’s bow lips and sweet girlish kisses.

Shawn had given him everything he’d ever dreamed of wanting.

Now they were going through another pregnancy, and the emotions between them couldn’t be more different than they were that very first time. Eddie was torn between wanting to hug her and grin idiotically, and walking away.

So he did nothing. Just stood there, staring at her. “I was on traffic duty all afternoon and was only able to check messages an hour or so ago. Sorry you had to take off work today.”

“It’s okay.” She glanced at her watch. “You’re a little early to take them out for dinner, aren’t you?”

“I am, but I thought since you had to take off early, you might want a little extra time to rest.” He pulled over an ottoman and sat next to her. “So what was wrong with Elsie?”

“Molars and an upset stomach. Mrs. Henderson was worried it was catching.”

He rolled his eyes. “Good old Mrs. Henderson.”

Shawn smiled. “Anyway, as soon as Elsie got a hug, Children’s Motrin and a cool drink, she fell asleep on the floor. I fell asleep, too.” With a stretch, she stood up. “If you’ll give me a second, I’ll go get them organized. It won’t take long.”

“Don’t wake anyone up,” he said, surprising himself. “I can wait.”

Her eyes widened. He didn’t blame her. For the past year, he’d become Mr. Clockwatcher, chiding her time and time again for being late and disorganized. He’d made it a point to arrive at her place early just to show that it could be done—never mind that most times she’d never even noticed.

Now, for the life of him, he wasn’t quite sure why it had all mattered so much. Why had he always made a big deal if everything wasn’t picture perfect at the right time? Why had it bothered him so much that Shawn was—well, Shawn? He’d known when he married her that she couldn’t be on time to save her soul.

And she was rarely all that late—usually just five or ten minutes. He’d made it sound like he’d been waiting for hours. Why?

Had losing the baby made him feel so off-kilter that he’d been trying to control everything?

Kit ran in and gave him another hug. “Daddy, I’m thirsty.”

Just as Shawn started to stand up, Eddie stilled her with a hand. “Stay here. I’ll get Kit some juice and bring you a glass of tea. Maybe we could talk for a few minutes.”

“I guess we do have a thing or two to discuss.”

Kit had been staring at them both wide-eyed. Eddie couldn’t blame their oldest. Lately things had been mighty tense between him and Shawn. “Come here, hon,” he said, walking her into the kitchen. “So, apple juice?”

“Uh-huh.”

After handing Kit her favorite plastic cup, he poured out two glasses of tea. “I’m going to talk to Mommy for a bit, okay? How about you go pick out a movie to take to my house?”

“Can we go see Grandma and Grandpa, too?”

“Sure. But choose a movie, too,” he suggested, knowing that could take up to an hour of careful consideration. “Make sure they’re ones Mary wants to see, too.”

As he’d hoped, she left him with a sense of purpose. Then he joined Shawn once again. After accepting the glass of tea, Shawn looked down at Elsie and smiled softly. “Our baby sure can sleep through anything.”

“She always has. I would have paid money for Kit to be even an eighth that easygoing.” Pulling up a chair, he sat. “But now we’ve got another one on the way. I doubt we’re going to get so lucky again.”

“I doubt it, too. Shoot, Four’s going to most likely be born demanding and loud.”

Eddie pretended to wince. “We won’t have peace and quiet for seventeen years.”

Shawn chuckled. “Remind me when our little terror is born that I was laughing about her future antics.” A minute passed.

She cleared her throat. “So. I’m glad you went to the doctor with me.”

“I am, too.” Recalling their embrace, he said, “Getting interrupted by Debbie was sure embarrassing.”

To his delight, Shawn blushed. “What were we thinking?”

“That seems to be us in a nutshell, don’t you think? We don’t think.”

“Or else we think about the wrong stuff at the wrong time.”

“And get carried away,” he murmured.

To his surprise, Eddie felt himself getting carried away at the moment. Now that they weren’t bickering all the time, he found he was appreciating her more. Appreciating her humor. Not worrying so much that she would never be organized.

That she’d probably never be on time.

And, of course, he’d never admit it to anyone else, but he still found her incredibly attractive. Even pregnant.

Especially pregnant. The situation softened her. Made her look almost vulnerable.

And, truth was, she was sexy as hell.

“How are you doing with the news? Has the thought of Four sunk in yet?”

“More or less.”

“I never even asked about your parents. Were they okay with it?”

Thinking back to their manic coffee-cake eating, he shrugged. “They took it about how you’d expect.”

“Mad at me?”

“Oh, they were never mad at you. They were mad at me, and I deserved it.”

“What happened that night wasn’t your fault. I wanted what happened, too.” She shook her head. “I told my parents. They were appalled. They couldn’t understand how two people who were divorced could get together like we did.”

“I stopped attempting to explain it to myself.” What was it between the two of them that turned him on so much? Just memories? Or because it was so comfortable?

Gesturing to Shawn’s stomach, he said, “How is Four doing today?”

“She’s okay. Moving a bit.”

He was tempted to touch her. But of course that wasn’t allowed. Her expression seemed so melancholy all of a sudden, he needed to offer comfort. “Everything’s going to be fine, Shawn. The baby will be. We will be. Our situation may not look like we imagined all those years ago, but it will still be a good one. I promise.”

Those brown eyes that he’d always loved softened. “I promise, too.”

There didn’t seem to be much more to say. Truth was, he wasn’t sure how he felt. Suddenly he was wishing she did want to get back together with him. Wished they were a couple and he could look forward to being with her and the new baby every step of the way.

He wouldn’t mind stepping closer and feeling her in his arms, either. “I’ll go help Kit get packed up.”

She held out a hand. He reached down and helped her out of the chair, holding that hand a little too long. “I’ll go get Mary settled. Do you want me to wake Elsie up, or can we put her in the car seat asleep?”

“She can sleep. I’m just taking the girls out for a bite to eat, then a quick visit with my parents. Then we’ll be back.”

Shawn knew he’d worked all day. She knew he had to be tired—it was hot outside and he’d spent a majority of his day out in the heat. “Hey, Eddie? Thanks.”

“No problem. You keep your feet up and eat something healthy, okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

THEY RETURNED three hours later. To his surprise, Shawn let him help her get the girls inside, bathed and tucked in bed. He was standing at her door—wondering how he was going to tell her good-night when he really was in no hurry to leave—when she surprised him again. “Eddie, would you like to stay awhile? Have a beer?”

“You’re not too tired?”

“I’ve slept more today than I can remember.” She held up a hand. “I ate a lot, too. Would you…like to stay for a bit?”

He wasn’t sure what she was asking. He wasn’t sure what he wanted.

But he did know he wanted more Shawn. “A beer sounds good.”

And then, when they were standing in the kitchen, after he’d downed half a bottle of beer, after staring at her lips and thinking she’d never looked prettier, he quit fighting.

Eddie reached for her. Slowly. Gave her time to tell him no. To step aside. To do anything at all to make sure he knew that kissing him was not what she wanted.

But instead of ducking away, she reached for his neck and pulled him to her. His arms went around her. He widened his stance. She stepped closer.

He bent his head, she raised her chin. And finally he kissed her.

Eddie had every intention of being gentle. Every intention of keeping things low-key. Just keeping a memory alive.

But Shawn hadn’t gotten that memo. Immediately she parted her lips and invited him to do the same. Her taste was like he remembered. Sweet. Fresh. Like Shawn. Familiar.

There went her hips, pressing against his, just like always. Before he thought better of it, his hand cupped her breast. The other splayed against her backside and held her close.

And still that kiss went on and on.

Desire hit him hard. Made his knees feel like mush and his hands want to roam and explore.

They needed to stop. They really needed to stop. But she felt so good. Her skin was still as soft as ever. Her responses as pure and honest as ever. And he liked how her body felt when it was filled with baby.

Something primal always burned inside him when he felt her curves, her new shape. He wanted to explore and kiss and see her naked.

Somehow reason flew out the window. Or maybe all reason fell into place. After all, what could happen? She was already pregnant again.

She pulled off his polo shirt. He fell in love all over again with those elastic pants and how easily they slid down her hips.

Suddenly awareness of their situation returned, and with effort Eddie pulled back, breathing hard.

She closed her eyes as she visibly tried to gain control. He tried to pretend he hadn’t just pushed her pants down in the middle of the kitchen.

Then, to his amazement, she smiled. “What do you want to do?”

He didn’t care how it sounded. Fact was, his body couldn’t be any more obvious if he tried. “Take you to bed.”

She inhaled, whether from surprise or from desire, he didn’t know. “Think we’re going to regret this?”

“I hope not.” He couldn’t resist touching her. Running his hands down her hips. Knowing that nothing but a worn T-shirt and a bit of patience were keeping them apart. “What do you want?”

In reply, she linked one hand with his and smiled. “What do you think, Ed? It’s been a while.”

“Yes, it has,” he murmured, taking her hand. Pulling her into her bedroom. Their old bedroom. But still the only place that felt familiar. And then there was little to do but make love to her. He did his best to be patient. He did his best to be gentle. But he also was happy to get reacquainted with her body. To slowly recall all the places where she was most sensitive.

“Oh, Ed,” she moaned. “I missed this.”

Kissing her a little lower, he smiled. “Me, too, honey.”

But as usual, she wasn’t shy. Shawn never had been the type to fear she was unattractive all filled with baby.

Maybe because she knew from him that she’d never looked more beautiful. Or felt better. Or been more responsive. He’d never been shy about telling her.

And then finally when he was dressed again and she was cocooned in her thick white robe, he didn’t dare tell her he was sorry. Because he wasn’t. At all.

Holding her in his arms one last time, he kissed the top of her head. “I think I’d better go,” he murmured.

She nodded as they separated. “That’s probably a good idea. I’ll walk you out.”

“Do you need anything?”

She smiled. “No. I’m fine.”

When they got to the garage and night surrounded them, he knew he had to say something. “Tonight was nice, Shawn. Special.”

Only the faint glow from the lit front porch across the way let him see her expression. She looked…happy. “It was.”

He smoothed some hair away from her cheeks. “No regrets?”

“Not even one. I still have feelings for you, Eddie. And frankly, just this minute I’m a little tired of making sense of them.”

After one more sweet kiss, he pulled away. Relieved. Happy. “I’ll see you tomorrow or the next day.” Then, after giving her one last wave, he got in his car and pulled away.

And realized that things between him and Jayne definitely needed to end. He still had strong feelings for Shawn. Too strong to ignore.

AS SOON AS Eddie disappeared down the street, Shawn went right to sleep.

In the morning she woke up early, pleased to realize Elsie had slept through the night and was likely doing much better. She could go to work.

That was good. But in the meantime, she had things to do. Toys to pick up. Dishes to wash, laundry to fold.

But all she could think about was making love to Eddie the night before. The way he’d been so exquisitely gentle but just as demanding and passionate as he’d always been. Her body hummed from his attentions.

Number Four was most likely in shock from everything they’d been doing.

But somewhere inside her, Shawn knew her body was reveling in what had just happened. After all, they’d always made love a lot during her other pregnancies. Eddie had always been so loving. He’d brought her coffee in bed. When she’d been pregnant with Elsie, he’d taken over bath time so she could put her feet up.

Oh, foot rubs! Every night after her bath, he’d rub the cramps out of her feet. She’d looked forward to that so much. And then, well, he’d used that massage oil for all kinds of things. Just recalling the scent made her body go all limp and languid.

When she finally got out of bed and walked to the kitchen, she wondered how she’d ever been able to forget about all of that.

And now that those memories were so fresh in her mind, she wondered just how she was going to manage to forget it all once again.

Chapter Fifteen

One week later Eddie had just finished typing up a report when Sal entered the squad room. “There’s a lady locked out of her house and freaking out big time, Wagner. Freaking out enough that I’m thinking there’s something else going on. I know you’re not officially clocked in yet, but will you take Link and go on out and deal with her?”

“Sure, Sal.” After jotting down the name and address, he stood up and gestured for his new partner, Cameron Link, to do the same. John had recently been promoted to detective. “Ready?”

“Sure,” he replied, but didn’t look too thrilled with the assignment. Cameron was a rookie from Oklahoma and was still green enough to imagine that every day was going to bring adventure and a dozen feel-good heroic moments. Helping old ladies didn’t quite fit that description.

But serving the community most certainly did. Eddie considered it his job to make sure this kid—who had all the makings of becoming a good cop—understood that their role in Destin was not to drive around streets with guns cocked and attitudes blazing. “Saddle up, Link. We’ve got a house to unlock and a situation to investigate.”

The rookie’s dark eyebrows bunched together in irritation. “How many more of these damn cowboy sayings do I have to put up with?”

Sal answered that one. Slapping the kid on the shoulder, he quipped, “You’ll put up with them until we can’t come up with any more.”

“Which may be a while,” Eddie added.

As Cameron continued to scowl, Sal grinned at Eddie. “Good luck with locks.”

“Thanks, Lieutenant,” Eddie answered before Cameron spouted off something he couldn’t take back. Honestly, the kid needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut.

After inspecting the cruiser, Eddie let Cameron drive. He still looked highly irritated. After turning a corner a little too aggressively, then glaring at a pair of elderly jaywalkers, Eddie decided something needed to be said. “Better get a new attitude before we face this woman.”

“I will. I’m getting pretty tired of being teased all the time, though. This isn’t high school.”

“This is nothing.”

“It is when it’s constant. Berkoff calls me a hick every chance he gets.”

Thinking of life in the Army, Eddie chuckled. “Believe me, there are worse things to be called. In the service, hazing new recruits is an art form.” He braced a hand on the dashboard as the kid merged into traffic with a little too much gumption. “Watch it. Most of the folks out here are on their lunch break. No need to glower at everyone.”

“That’s another thing that’s tearing me up. We’ve been doing the dumbest stuff lately. Yesterday some gal thought her wedding ring was stolen—only to find it an hour later. And today we’re unlocking houses. Why in the world doesn’t anyone call a locksmith?”

“Some people just assume we’ll do it without a problem, so there’s no reason to.”

“It’s a waste of time.”

“Not necessarily. Lieutenant’s thinking there might be more to her story.”

“And if there’s not?”

“Then we’re doing what we’re supposed to do. To protect and serve the community. Who knows, maybe one day down the way, she’s going to really need some help and remember that we’re the good guys.”

“She should already know that.”

“What’s up with you?” Even for Cameron, the attitude seemed especially raw. “You having second thoughts about joining the force?”

“Nah, it’s nothing like that. My girlfriend’s giving me grief. She wants to leave Tulsa and move in with me. You know, get a place together.”

“She misses you that bad?”

“Yeah, but I think it’s more like she’s got marriage on her mind. I’m not ready. I keep telling her to wait a little while. I’m putting in a lot of hours, and when I’m off, all I want to do is sleep and watch football. Shoot, I’m only twenty-three.”

Eddie knew that. Keeping his voice easy, he said, “Nothing wrong with waiting. This job is tough. Marriage is no piece of cake, either.”

“That’s what I keep telling her. But she don’t want to listen. Women.” He gave the top of the steering wheel a good slap to punctuate his point.

“You got that right.”

“Hey, you’re divorced, right?”

All of a sudden, a knot formed in his throat. “I am.”

“You glad for the freedom again?”

Oh, to be twenty-three again! “I’ve got three kids with her. There is no freedom.”

“You know what I mean. At least now you don’t have to answer to her all the time. Sylvia nags me somethin’ awful if I forget to call her, too. I’m so stressed about her wanting to take a hold of my life, I think I’m fixin’ to lose my hair. One day I won’t have any left.”

Cameron, with his head full of curls, looked to have enough hair for two men. “I think you’ll be okay. Anyway, if you don’t want to give up some part of yourself and all that ‘freedom,’ you better not get married anytime soon.”

“Or live together,” the rookie added.

“Right. Live together.” Seeing that they were approaching the address Sal had given them, Eddie got back to business. “Well, let’s go see what’s going on. Hopefully we’ll get her in the house, nothing will be wrong, and we’ll be on our way in record time.”

Cameron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Nothing we ever get into happens faster than we think it will.”

“Hey, you sound almost like you’ve been a cop for a while. Good job.” Eddie fought to keep his expression stern. “But still…let’s keep our eyes open.”

When Cameron parked the car, they saw a somewhat disheveled woman with messed-up hair and a wild expression waiting by the door. His sixth sense went on alert. After calling in their location to the dispatcher, Eddie checked his gun and opened his door. “Get ready, Link. I have a feeling this is one of those times.”

“THANKS FOR MEETING ME for lunch, Mel,” Shawn said on Friday. After dropping off the girls at day care, she’d made plans to share a quick lunch with her sister-in-law before going into work. Lately Melanie had been acting distant and Shawn knew the reason. Her feelings were hurt because Shawn hadn’t told her about the baby right away.

Shawn could see her former sister-in-law’s point of view, but also knew that she’d been dealing with things the best she could.

After the usual greetings, Melanie looked a bit shamefaced. “Sorry I haven’t called you. Eddie told me about the baby right after he told our parents. I didn’t know what to say.”

“Congratulations?” Shawn hoped she didn’t sound too snippy, but a part of her felt let down. She’d begun to really rely on Melanie for support. Her silence on the baby news was hurtful.

“Can I be honest?”

“Of course.”

“I wasn’t ready to do that right away. I just got used to the two of you divorced. And Jayne.”

“I understand,” Shawn said, though to be truthful, she kind of didn’t. She and Melanie had progressed pretty far from the sister-in-law stage to good friends. Shawn had expected disappointment and confusion from his parents—not from her. “You know, things aren’t all that different.”

“There’s just a baby on the way.” While Shawn stared at her in surprise—it was really not like Melanie to be so sarcastic—Mel held her hand up. “Oh, I can’t believe I just said that. Listen, I am happy for you. For the baby. It’s just…” Her voice drifted off with a shrug.

“Is something else bothering you?”

“Yeah. I was asked out yesterday.”

“By who?”

“John Nelson.”

This was wonderful news. “What did you say? Are you finally going to give him a chance?”

Melanie ducked her head. “I think so. We’ve been talking on the phone for a while. I can’t believe it, but when he did ask me out, I was excited. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”

“You deserve all those good feelings. What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure. Dinner? Maybe a movie? I told him I’d think about it and let him know this afternoon.”

“I’m proud of you.”

She worried her bottom lip. “I hope it’s the right thing to do.”

“It is. John knows you. He likes you, and it’s time you trusted someone.”

“I suppose.”

“Working from home, transcribing doctor’s notes, is a pretty difficult way to meet available men.” Or anyone, she wanted to say but didn’t. After Melanie’s attack, her sister-in-law had slowly withdrawn from most everyone around her.

“I’m worried that he only asked me out as a favor to Eddie.”

“I doubt that. You’re a pretty woman, Melanie. And one of the nicest people I know.”

“Thanks, but I still think my brother had something to do with this.”

“Did you ask him?”

“I did. He said I was crazy. But why else would John wait so long to ask me? It’s not like we see each other all the time.”

“Maybe you should ask John that question.”

“I wanted to, but then I chickened out.” She slumped. “I’m nervous. I don’t want to be. I like John, but I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.”

“So he sounds like a perfect way to dip your toe into the dating waters.” Knowing how little she trusted men, Shawn said, “Are you concerned about him behaving like a gentleman? Is that what’s got you worried?”

Melanie paused to consider that. “No, the funny thing is, I think I do trust him. But…what if I freeze up if he tries to hug me or kiss me? I get freaked out now about the dumbest stuff.”

“I have to say that knowing Eddie was a cop always made me feel safe. Maybe you’ll feel that way, too. And if you do something wrong, he’ll get over it.”

“You make that sound so easy.”

“Maybe it is. Take it from me, Melanie. Learn to embrace Murphy’s Law. Then do the best you can with what you have. It’s all any of us can do.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing with the baby?”

Shawn thought about that one. “Truthfully? It’s what I wish I’d been doing from the very start.”

Chapter Sixteen

“Ma’am? Did you call for assistance?”

Before he could finish the question, the woman was running toward them, the frayed edges of her tattered peach housecoat flapping. “Thank God you’re here!” she cried, reaching for Cameron. “It’s taken forever.”

Eddie was proud of the way Cameron slowly held out his arms to contain her, to give them each some space. “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

For a second she looked almost guilty. “I told the dispatcher that I’d locked myself out of the house, but that isn’t exactly why I called.” She bit her lip, then continued, “See, I’m real worried about my husband.”

Cameron’s posture changed, becoming significantly more alert.

After giving his partner a glance that said to be ready for anything, Eddie pulled out a notebook as he stepped forward. “Ma’am, what is the problem? Is something wrong with your husband?”

“You could say that. He’s unconscious on the kitchen floor.”

The warning bells in his head turned to loud alarms. “Any idea how he came to be in that condition?”

“I sure do. I hit him good and hard with my Good Housekeeping cookbook after he grabbed me tight around my shoulder.” She pulled open the collar of her housecoat, revealing a set of red marks that looked sure to change into fingertip bruises.

There was something wild in her eyes. Was she high on something or merely lying? He wasn’t sure, but he did know that so far, they had definitely not heard the whole story.

Fresh concern flared through him. “Link, report in, please, and call for backup and medical assistance.”

“Yes, sir.”

As Cameron started talking into his radio, Eddie scanned the area for anything that looked suspicious. “Your name, ma’am?”

“Mae Classic.”

After he got a few more bits of information, he gestured toward the door. “Mrs. Classic, perhaps you could let us in the house?”

She complied, though she looked pretty doubtful as she hefted herself up the three cement steps that led to the front door. “He might be awake now. And I told you, it’s locked.”

Well, that was a lie obviously. Her husband couldn’t have locked her out if he was unconscious on the kitchen floor. “Let us in, please,” he said again, this time his voice a little firmer.

The authoritative tone produced results. Mae bent down, rummaged in a pile of trash near a bush that had seen better days, located a key, then unlocked the door.

With a creak and a groan, it slowly opened. The woman stepped to one side. For a moment Eddie considered just hauling her out to the cruiser and waiting for backup before they continued, since they knew she was lying.

But though unkempt, she didn’t look violent—just scared. He decided to keep a close eye on her.

After telling her to wait outside, Eddie entered the house, Cameron directly behind him.

The minute they entered the kitchen, the coppery scent of blood greeted them. Seconds later the body came into view.

There was no way the man had been hit with a book. More like a hammer.

Right away Cameron approached the man and bent down to check for a pulse. After a moment he shook his head. “The guy’s dead.”

Mae, obviously unable to listen, paled and tried to shuffle out of the room. But Eddie had had enough. Pointing at her, he said, “Mrs. Classic, don’t even think about moving.”

Caught, she gulped. “Is he really gone?”

“Oh, yeah,” Cameron said.

Tears started flowing like a waterfall as she sputtered, “How did that happen?”

“How?”

“I didn’t do this.”

It was like they were in a funhouse. Not a thing she was saying or doing made any sense.

Eddie moved her to a corner, where she was more or less contained, though still crying loudly enough to scare anyone nearby. “Report in again, Link, then we’ll need to scan the premises. There’s a chance she’s not alone.”

“Yes, sir.”

Outside the house, sirens blared and the comforting sound of radios and Sal’s voice rang out from the front entryway. “Wagner?”

“In the kitchen.”

When Sal appeared, along with two EMTs and another officer, Eddie filled them in. “We only arrived a few moments ago. Link was about to comb the perimeter.”

“We’ll assist.”

Detective John Nelson was all business as he pulled out his cuffs. “Ma’am, you’re going to have to come with us.”

Her eyes widened, but otherwise she didn’t move as she was secured.

Eddie also noticed that she didn’t look all that shocked or remorseful anymore. “Load her into my car and wait for me. I’ll bring her in.”

The moment John guided her toward the door, she started yelling, “I didn’t do nothing! I only hit him with a book!”

Sal rolled his eyes. “Some book.”

“You have the right to remain silent,” John began as he grabbed her elbow and started walking her out. Thankfully Mae stopped talking.

“You know what? I’ll take her in with Nelson. You can—” Sal began, just as a pair of shots rang out, seeming to come from nowhere. Within seconds, Sal had his gun out.

“Shooter, room one!” Cameron called.

Sal darted forward.

Nelson pushed Mrs. Classic down. Eddie swore, then leapt forward, his weapon out, his eyes scanning. The two EMTs nodded to him as he left the kitchen and ran to the stairwell. He was just about to call out again when another pair of shots rang out.

“Wagner! Get down!” Sal called, then yelled into his radio. “Man down. Shots fired. Backup requested.”

Man down? From his crouching position, Eddie looked for his partner. “Link? You okay?”

When his partner didn’t answer, Eddie combed the area in front of him. When a shadow moved near the corner of a worn sofa, he found the shooter and yelled a warning.

Sal was next to him in a heartbeat, gun cocked and directed at the perpetrator. “I’ve got it, Wagner.” More loudly he said, “Put that gun down, son, before you get yourself hurt.”

When no answer came, Sal repeated his warning. “Come out, hands up, or I’ll fire. And I shoot to kill.”

After a long moment the shooter came out of the shadows of the next room. Eddie’s arms strained as he kept his gun and attention on what had to be a kid no more than sixteen.

Sal kept his voice even and steady. “Drop the gun, son. Now.”

The kid’s eyes widened as he slowly set the pistol on the arm of an extremely soiled easy chair.

As soon as the gun was secured, Sal was by the kid’s side and cuffing him. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah.”

Two more officers appeared from around the corner, along with Cameron and another cop from upstairs. “He’s right. It’s clear,” Cameron said, his face devoid of all color.

“You did good, Cowboy,” Eddie said.

But for once Cameron didn’t even raise an eyebrow at the jab. “Sergeant!”

“Hey, settle down, Link. We did everything we could.”

“No, sir.”

Huh? Remembering Sal’s message in the thick of things, he said, “Who’s down? Who was shot?”

“You are, Wagner,” Sal said. “Sit down and stop moving.”

“What?” Eddie heard sirens approaching. Climbing to his feet, he was surprised to feel his world tilt a bit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

One of the EMTs rushed forward. “Let’s get you out of here, Sergeant. Can you walk?”

“Can I?” Nothing was making any sense. “What?”

“You’ve been hit, Wagner,” Sal said again. “Contain your firearm, Sergeant. We’ll handle things now.”

Eddie did as he was told. Only when he moved his arm did he notice the burning sensation. Looking quickly at his arm, he stared at it in surprise. Blood had soaked through most of his sleeve and was dripping on the matted baby-blue carpet. “Oh, hell.”

“Let’s go, Ed,” Sal murmured, just as Eddie felt two strong arms support him on either side and escort him out of the house. Oh, damn. “There’s another bullet wound on his side, so watch it!”

Eddie tried to crane his neck to see what they were talking about. “Sal, I don’t think—”

“He’s losing blood!” the guy on his left shouted. “Hey, we need a stretcher!”

Eddie looked at his arm again. Most of it was stained red. He looked down. Red splatters marked his shoes. Black spots swam before his eyes. “Shawn. Tell Shawn it’s okay,” he murmured to Sal. “She’ll worry.”

“I will.”

“Shawn’s my…my wife.”

“We know, buddy. Hush.”

Then Eddie’s world went dark.

“YOU KNOW, I’ve been thinking about your predicament, and I think I have a solution for you,” Tricia said as they were walking out of Carnegie at 3:00 p.m.

“What predicament?” As usual, Shawn stood for a moment with her eyes closed, letting her body adjust to the change in temperature. While Carnegie kept the offices at a brisk sixty-eight degrees, the outside temperature was a full thirty degrees warmer.

“The fact that you’re going to have four kids who’ll need day care.”

“I’ve been aware of this, Tricia.” Gosh, did everyone in the world think she was completely flaky? “I know I don’t act like I care about details, but I actually do. By the time school starts at the end of August, I’ll have things settled.”

Tricia looked doubtful. “Even with Mrs. Henderson?”

“Well, no.” She hadn’t yet been able to summon up the nerve to talk to Mrs. Henderson about the possibility of taking in one more child—and a baby at that. “But I will.”

Though the hot Florida sun beat down on them, Shawn was happy to see that Tricia felt the same way about being outside that she did. Tricia, too, was slipping off her blazer and stretching in the warm humid air.

It felt good to stand in the parking lot for a moment.

“It’s going to be tough, you know. I mean, think what a challenge it’s going to be to even get them all in the car. All those car seats!”

“It probably will be tough. But I’ve been doing it for three already.” After slipping off the sweater she needed for the cold-as-a-freezer air-conditioning and popping on her sunglasses, Shawn joined Tricia on the steps. “Why have you been thinking about my child-care needs?”

“It’s hard not to. That used to be my forte, remember? I’m just going to say it. I want to watch your kids.”

That stopped Shawn in her tracks. “What? How are you going to do that? I’m upping my hours, remember? Our days are always going to overlap.”

“They won’t if I quit Carnegie.”

“Shh! Don’t say that.”

“Why? Because you think there’s people lurking under cars listening in?” Though Tricia’s sunglasses were too dark to let Shawn see her eyes, Shawn had an idea Tricia was wearing an expression of disdain. “Gosh, they probably are. But I don’t care. I can’t do this any longer. I can’t sit in a cubicle eight and ten hours a day anymore. It’s making me crazy.”

Though Tricia had certainly told her plenty of times that she was unhappy, Shawn had held out hope that she’d start to like her job at Carnegie. “I thought things were going better. You said your phone calls today went fine.”

“They did. And I’m even getting used to the regimented schedule and the beige walls and the lack of atmosphere. But the thing is, I don’t want to get used to all that. This isn’t the job for me. I’m not happy.”

They stopped in front of her van. “How are you going to be happy watching my children? The pay won’t be near what you’re making here.”

“I’m not concerned about the money. Well, not that much. And Mark just got a better benefits package, so I won’t need to work for insurance.”

“But being home all day?” Now that, to Shawn, sounded like a trap. She loved her girls, but was well aware how demanding their schedules were. It was hard to have a moment to get a load of laundry done, let alone find a moment to have a cup of coffee.

“It sounds like heaven. I can wear shorts and T-shirts, instead of work clothes. I can play outside instead of talk to strangers.” Reaching out, Tricia gripped Shawn’s arm. “All I know is that I can’t sit in another one of these cubicles for the rest of my life. Even Mark agrees that it’s making me kind of nuts.”

Shawn hated herself for doing it, but already she was thinking of how nice it would be for her kids to have Tricia. “How would we manage things? I’m not even sure how far away you live from me.”

“I was hoping you’d let me come to your house.”

“Really?” Just imagining life without the hour-long process of getting kids up, dressed, fed and in the car sounded incredible. In addition, Kit and Mary could catch their school bus from their own house, instead of the sitter’s. Tricia’s idea sounded like a dream come true.

“Really. If I went to your place, I wouldn’t have to childproof my home right away, and your house would be all set for the baby.”

Shawn was pretty much speechless. “I don’t know what to say. It sounds awesome.”

“Say you’ll think about it.”

Shawn was just about to say she’d do exactly that when her cell phone rang. Her heart jumped to her throat when she saw who was on the caller ID. “I’ve got to take this,” she said. Suddenly feeling cold, she clicked On. “Hello? Sal?”

“Shawn, thank God you answered. Listen, there’s been a shooting.”

Her world spun.

“Shawn!” Tricia reached out and put an arm around her and braced her against the van’s side.

“Hello? Hello, Shawn?”

Tricia helped her get the phone back to her ear. It took all her strength to speak coherently. “I’m here. A shooting? Eddie? Is Eddie okay?”

Sal’s voice was heavy with emotion. “He’s been shot, Shawn. But we rushed him into the hospital. He just got rolled into surgery.”

Obviously Tricia had heard Sal’s booming voice because she wrapped an arm around Shawn and held on tight. “Which hospital?”

“Destin Community.” Sal spoke again. “Where are you now? Are you in town or at the beach?”

She looked around, dazed. “Work?”

“You’re at work. Okay. You’re close. You don’t sound good, honey. Do you think you can get here on your own? Can you drive? Or how about I get an officer to come pick you up?”

“I’ll drive.” Though she wasn’t sure she could. At the moment all she could think about was that Eddie had been shot.

Tricia grabbed the phone from her and spoke into it. “Sal, this is Tricia Blake, a friend of Shawn’s. I’m gonna take her to the hospital.”

Shawn just stood there as Tricia got directions and clicked Off. “I, uh, just gotta get someone to watch the kids.”

“I’ll do it,” Tricia quickly volunteered. “I’ll pick them up as soon as I get you to the hospital.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all. Hop in and hand me your keys.”

Shawn let Trish take the wheel of her minivan. As soon as they got on the freeway, she called Mrs. Henderson and told her that Tricia would be picking up Kit, Mary and Elsie. Feeling in a fog, she looked at the phone. “I better call Eddie’s parents, too.”

“Sal said he’d make the phone calls,” Tricia said. “You okay? How’s the baby?”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, Shawn felt a little flutter. “Hanging in there. We’re both hanging in there.”

Tricia took a turn a little too fast, but soon stopped in front of the emergency entrance at Destin Community. By this time Shawn’s head was clear and her emotions were in check. “Thanks so much. I don’t know how I would have gotten here otherwise.”

“That’s what friends are for. Now go on in. Sal said there’d be a uniformed cop on the lookout for you.”

Shawn unbuckled. “Do you think this is strange? I mean, we’re divorced.” Funny how she felt like she needed to remind herself of that often.

“I don’t,” Tricia replied with a faint smile. “See, Sal told me something else. Eddie asked for you right before he lost consciousness. He called out your name. I think he cares about you, too, Shawn. I think he might still care more than you know.”

Fighting tears, Shawn nodded. She knew she still cared more than she’d wanted to admit. “Call me if you have any problem with the girls.”

“I will. I’ve got your keys and your garage door opener, I’ll pick them up and make them some dinner. Don’t you worry. They’ll be fine. Call me later.”

Shawn promised she would just as a fresh-faced kid with blond curly hair approached her respectfully. “Mrs. Wagner? I’ll take you to where everyone is waiting for your husband.”

Chapter Seventeen

Officer Cameron Link, Eddie’s new partner, walked Shawn through the maze of corridors and into a private waiting room in a partitioned section of the emergency ward. “Everyone’s in here, ma’am,” he said, his voice solemn.

“Thank you, Officer,” she said, taking care to keep her voice just as formal as his, though she did give in to temptation and squeezed his arm as they walked through the doorway. He looked young and scared and definitely blown away by the events of the day.

She felt exactly the same—but now that some of the shock had worn off, she vowed to try a little harder to hold herself together. Cops’ families did that.

As soon as she entered the waiting room, everyone rose to their feet.

Shawn knew their gesture was a sign of respect. She, herself, had sat beside Eddie in this very room when Sal had been injured in a police chase three years ago. But still, the sea of blue uniforms made a lump form in her throat. It was a powerful sight.

With some surprise Shawn realized she still knew them all.

After hugging Bill and Sharon, who were sitting with their minister, she turned to Sal. “This is horrible,” she murmured to the tall beanpole-thin lieutenant.

“It is.” His expression stricken, he swallowed hard. “I sure am sorry, Shawn. I tried to look out for him, but the situation was a nightmare.”

“Don’t apologize. Eddie would be feeling worse if you two had switched places.”

“I wish we had.” The lieutenant’s usual fierce expression crumbled.

And that, of course, made everything else seem even harder to bear. She could very well be losing Eddie. Losing him when everything inside her wasn’t sure if she wanted him back in her life or just wanted the crazy feelings she had begun to have for him again to subside once and for all.

Sal, ever the gentleman and cornerstone of strength, strode forward and reached out his arms. That was all she needed. Tears pricked her eyes. She blinked hard, trying to be strong. But as soon as her forehead made contact with his shoulder, the dam broke and the tears flowed.

His arms tightened around her shoulders as one hand clumsily patted a shoulder blade. “You cry it out. Crying’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

She gave in for another few moments, then called herself to duty. She was stronger than this. Being a cop’s wife—even a cop’s former wife—meant accepting that anything could happen at any time. After wiping her eyes with the neatly folded white handkerchief Sal had hastily drawn out of his back pocket, she pulled herself together. “So, what do they know?”

“Eddie’s sustained two bullet wounds. One skimmed his side, the other hit his shoulder.” He pursed his lips. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat it for you, Shawn. The shoulder wound’s bad.”

It took everything she had not to wince. “What…what about his bulletproof vest? Wouldn’t he have been wearing protection?”

“He and the rookie were supposedly letting an old lady into her locked house. He wasn’t wearing one.”

All she could think was that those bullets had hit dangerously close to his heart and lungs. “So he’s in surgery?”

“Yep. They took him right in.”

Worried sick, she pulled out the handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes again. Whether it was pregnancy hormones or simply the situation, no iron control was going to prevent the tears. “Sorry,” she murmured.

“He’s going to be all right, Shawn, I feel it,” Bill said as he approached. Holding out a hand, he reached for her own.

Shawn held on tight. Oh, she loved Ed’s family. They’d been so supportive of her through the years, from the time she was dating Eddie, through the girls’ births, to their separation and divorce. “Oh, Bill. I’m so sorry.”

“We are, too. But we’re going to get through this together.” He patted her hand. “Now you need to relax, honey, and have a seat. Our newest grandchild doesn’t need to see the light of day anytime soon, right?”

Sal raised a brow. “What’s that?”

“Eddie and Shawn are expecting again,” Bill said just as if they were still married.

And to Shawn’s surprise, all the cops surrounding her grinned and offered congratulations. She accepted their good wishes, but couldn’t help but feel vaguely out of place.

As soon as Shawn sat down, Sharon trotted over and sat beside her. “We are excited as all get-out, you know.”

“I don’t know what to say. It was a surprise. Me and Eddie…” Her voice drifted off. After all, what could she say? She still didn’t know how to define their feelings for each other.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” Bill said. “We love babies. And we especially love yours and Eddie’s.” Getting up, he grabbed another plastic chair and slid it in front of her. “Here’s another chair to prop your feet on, Shawn. Put your feet up.”

“My feet are fine.”

“Humor us, okay?” Bill asked, his voice conciliatory. “Eddie would never forgive us if something happened to you.”

She propped up her feet. Though she was tempted to say something inane to fill up the time, she had no desire to. She felt too full inside. Too full of emotion…too shocked by reality, bombarded with all the sights and smells of the hospital area.

The tension in the room intensified as minutes passed with no news. After a while the handsome officer who had first escorted her into the room approached and handed Shawn a bottle of water. “I thought you might need this, ma’am.”

She noticed traces of blood on his uniform. That and his Oklahoma drawl triggered a bit of information. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier. You’re Cameron, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He looked shamefaced.

“Are you okay?”

He shrugged. “Just this morning I was telling Eddie how much I wanted some excitement. I sure didn’t want this, though.”

“I know the feeling. But things happen. I guess the most important thing to realize is that we’re all here for each other. Always.”

“Well said,” Sal said from his position against the wall.

Everyone around her seemed to agree. For almost an hour, conversations flowed throughout the bright white room, which began to feel way too small as cops in and out of uniform entered and paid their respects to Eddie’s parents and to Melanie, who was sitting next to John Nelson. Some nodded to her and joined the group.

What was she going to do if something happened to Eddie? What will the girls do without their daddy?

An hour passed. It felt like an eternity. Shawn called Tricia and gave her an update. Tricia, in turn, relayed that the girls were fine and there was nothing to worry about at home.

Melanie and John left for a few moments, then returned with a box of sandwiches, chips and cookies from a local bakery. “The guys at the deli heard about Ed and dropped this off,” she said by way of explanation.

“He’s going to be okay, I’m sure of it,” Sal said as he placed a turkey sandwich on the table next to Shawn. “Eat.”

“I will.” But she didn’t touch the sandwich. Nothing sounded good. She knew she couldn’t choke anything down at the moment.

“Oh, it’s taking so long!” Sharon twisted her hands in her lap. “I hope that doctor comes out soon.”

“Keep praying.” Bill patted her knee consolingly. “We need to keep praying and hope for the best.”

Those were true words. One never knew what life had in store. How could she ever have predicted that seven years ago she would’ve answered the phone and fallen in love with Eddie Wagner’s voice?

Or that they’d have three children in quick succession—just to lose the fourth and find it almost unbearable?

Or that one night in close proximity would bring out the passion that had always ignited between them?

Passion so surprising…yet so real and perfect.

The clatter of a stainless-steel delivery cart jarred the conversations to a halt. Moments later quiet footsteps alerted them to the doctor’s arrival. When he paused and scanned the silent assemblage, her father-in-law stood up. “How’s he doing?”

“Is Eddie going to be okay?” Sharon quickly added as she came to her husband’s side.

With a comforting smile, the doctor raised his hands in a signal for silence. “If y’all will give me a minute, I’m trying to tell you.”

From her seat, Shawn sat motionless as the room stilled in expectation. Always supportive, Sal curved a hand around her shoulder. “Breathe,” he whispered in that salty, scratchy voice she knew so well.

Dutifully, she inhaled.

“The surgery went fine. He’s in recovery now,” the doctor said. “He lost some blood and is going to be plenty sore, but he’s a lucky man.”

Shawn sagged against her chair. “Oh, thank God.”

As others around her murmured their relief, the doctor spoke again. “Eddie came out of anesthesia all right and is pretty woozy, but he has been awake enough to let us all know that there’s someone he wants to see pretty badly.”

His speech was interrupted by the arrival of an almost hysterical Jayne. “Omigosh, I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here earlier,” she called in a rush. “My principal wouldn’t let me leave because I couldn’t find a sub. You’d think she’d be more understanding. And then there was incredible traffic. Oh, of all the days!”

The whole group—even the doctor—stared at the new arrival in shock. Dressed in heels, a slim skirt and a flowery silk blouse, Jayne looked fresh and lovely and anything but a stereotypical kindergarten teacher. Her golden-blond hair hung around her shoulders in waves.

Bill stood up. “Jayne. You came.”

“Of course I did! Oh, Bill, I’m so worried. I think I cried the whole way here,” she said before reaching out for a hug.

Wrapping his arms around her, he patted her back, but still looked at the rest of them with some dismay. “There now, sweetie. Don’t be sad. Eddie’s going to be just fine.”

“Really?”

“Really. The doctor was just explaining things.”

Her ex-father-in-law’s pats brought Shawn to her feet just as Jayne pulled away from Bill and apologized to the doctor.

As the surgeon murmured something back, Shawn’s head felt like it was buzzing. Suddenly she couldn’t have been more embarrassed. This wasn’t her place anymore. She shouldn’t even be there. Hanging out with the Wagners. Eating junk food with all the cops—it was her past. Eddie was her past.

And that was okay. With as little noise as possible, she gathered her purse and stepped toward the door.

No one noticed.

The doctor cleared his throat. “Anyway, as I was saying when you got here, Jayne, Eddie has woken up a few times. Each time he’s been pretty demanding. He wants to see her pretty badly, too.”

Her. Shawn stepped another three steps backward.

“We’ll allow a visitor for a few moments.” The doctor looked around.

Jayne gave a little squeal. “Oh, I’m so glad I wasn’t too late.”

Shawn couldn’t take it anymore. She had no desire to stand there watching Jayne be escorted off to Eddie’s side. After a little wave to Melanie—who happened to now be holding John’s hand—and a tiny salute to Sal, Shawn turned and exited before she could see Jayne being led to Eddie’s side.

Before she gave in to yet another burst of tears. Tears she wasn’t sure she could pretend were ones of relief.

Because at the moment they felt suspiciously like the ones she’d cried when she’d realized her marriage to Eddie was over and done with.

Chapter Eighteen

Shawn drove back home in a daze, thanked Tricia about a hundred times for watching the girls and making homemade macaroni and cheese, kissed her sleeping girls’ heads gently, then collapsed onto the couch.

But though she closed her eyes, sleep was slow to come. The afternoon had been one of the hardest she’d ever had to get through. Right up there with losing the baby. On par with realizing that her marriage with Eddie was over and signing the final divorce papers.

She guessed that was what life was really all about. A series of ups and downs, each sweeter—and far more difficult—than she ever could have imagined.

Four was the perfect example. When she’d first realized she was pregnant, the overwhelming feeling of loss was so strong she didn’t think she’d ever be able to deal with being pregnant without mourning the loss of their other baby. But now she had hope, and that was something she was willing to hold dear to her heart.

She drifted into unconsciousness thinking about all of those things, falling into a restless sleep, plagued by uncertainty.

Late that night, Shawn tossed and turned and worried. Nightmares involving Eddie bleeding and alone in the street teased her subconscious.

She could have lost him. The sheer pain of the possibility scared her more than she dared to admit. She needed Eddie in her life, and the girls most certainly needed their father.

Finally at 4:00 a.m., Shawn gave up the losing battle and walked to the empty guest bedroom. Soon it would be time to put the new queen-size bed in storage and repaint the walls a pretty violet or pink.

The bookshelf full of her romances and mysteries was going to need to be moved so she could put out baby toys and diapers. Since she couldn’t sleep, anyway, Shawn found a folded cardboard box in the garage. She taped it, then began putting books in it.

It felt good to start a new project, felt good to do anything besides worry. Oh, she couldn’t lose Eddie.

She just couldn’t—even if she pretty much already had.

WHEN THE PHONE rang at 7:00 a.m., she picked it up without bothering to check the caller ID. “Yes?”

“Eddie had a good night,” Bill said without fanfare. “We’re going to run over to the hospital in an hour or so. Want us to pick you up?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Without mentioning Jayne—she was afraid she couldn’t mention her name without sounding jealous—Shawn added, “You know my place isn’t there any longer.”

“I think you’re wrong about that,” he said with a laugh.

“Huh?”

“Shawn, you left that waiting room too early. I swear you lit out of there like a ghost.”

That jarred her out of her daze. “Pardon me?”

“Ed was calling for you yesterday, honey. Not Jayne.” With a low chuckle that sounded almost like a bear growling, he murmured, “I don’t know if I can fully describe Eddie’s reaction to Jayne’s appearance by his side…or her reaction when she realized she wasn’t who he’d been calling for. If it hadn’t been so sad, it would have been comical.”

“I never imagined—”

“So let us pick you up, okay?”

She would love to see him, but she knew she couldn’t go without spending some time with the girls. They’d been worried when Tricia had picked them up yesterday. “I think I’ll wait for a bit,” she said after explaining her reasons. “Maybe later you could watch the girls and I’ll stop by?”

“Sounds good.”

“Thanks for the call.”

“You sound upset. Are you making yourself sick from worrying? We don’t want that.”

“I’m fine. I had trouble sleeping last night, but I’m all right.”

“Sharon and I couldn’t sleep, either. I liked things better when I was on the force, not just the relative. Waiting and praying and worrying is tough.”

“I agree.”

“Listen, how about this for a plan? We’ll go see Eddie, then you come over here and have lunch with us. After, we’ll watch the girls and it will be your turn to go to the hospital.”

“I can do that.”

“All right, dear. See you soon.”

Five hours later Shawn was flipping grilled cheese sandwiches while her in-laws were fussing over the girls and slicing up bananas and apples.

Sharon looked especially happy. “This is just like old times, isn’t it?”

“Almost. Thanks again for inviting me over.”

“We’re glad you’re here. We missed this.”

Bill poured three glasses of milk, one of which was in a sippy cup, then passed them to the girls. “I’m just so glad it’s you who is here and not that Jayne.”

“Now, Bill. Shawn doesn’t want to hear about Jayne.”

Sure she did! “I’m still surprised to hear he wasn’t asking for her. The one time I saw them together, Eddie looked happy.”

Bill and Sharon exchanged glances. “Well, I think they were, more or less. But it never seemed like the best relationship to me,” Bill said. “At first we thought it was because they were at such different stages in their lives.”

“But then we realized it was because she wasn’t you, Shawn,” Sharon said.

“She wasn’t you at all,” Bill added. “In fact, she was as needy as a newborn.”

“That’s hard to imagine.”

Sharon waved a hand as she carefully put little-girl portions of fruit into three Winnie the Pooh plastic bowls. “She wasn’t all that needy, I don’t think. Jayne just wanted a lot of his attention. Maybe more than she was ever going to get from him.”

“Plus, she just wasn’t who Eddie needed, if you know what I mean,” Bill added. “Our son needs you, Shawn. You know that, right?”

She was afraid to believe that. Afraid to hope that they’d both grown and changed enough to have overcome all their previous problems. “I don’t know if that’s true anymore.”

“It’s true,” Bill said. “I don’t know what’s been happening between the two of you, but I will say that there’s a reason you two can’t stay away from each other. Mark my words.”

Now she was completely embarrassed. “The sandwiches are done.”

“Call the girls and let’s eat,” Bill said, carrying a pitcher of tea to the table. “We want to hear all about your job and your promotion and what the doctor says about the one on the way.”

“Then we’re going to take the girls to the park while you go visit Mr. Crabby at the hospital.”

Shawn laughed. “I can’t think of a better afternoon.” Turning to the family room, where all three were coloring, she said, “Girls, it’s time for lunch.”

When they came running in and each fought to sit next to their grandpa, Shawn smiled. Oh, she’d missed this so much.

So much.

“YOU CAME,” Eddie said the moment Shawn entered the room. “I’m glad.”

Shawn hurried to his side, taking in everything about him at once. An IV was attached to his left hand. Bandages were taped to his side and shoulder. A soft blanket that she recognized from Bill and Sharon’s was tucked around his hips, making Shawn smile.

The fierce look in his eyes took her breath away. “How are you?” he asked as she pulled over a chair. “Feeling okay?”

Unable to stop herself from touching him, she reached for his hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m supposed to be asking you those questions.”

“How’s the baby?”

“She’s fine,” she answered softly. “And now you will be, too.” Looking at their fingers linked together, she murmured, “These last twenty-four hours haven’t been too much fun. Just to let you know.”

He flashed a crooked smile. “For me, either.” Eyes serious, he added, “I asked for you yesterday.”

“I thought you wanted Jayne.”

“When I woke up, everything important flashed. That’s when I realized I’d just been kidding myself. Jayne’s a great person, but she’s not the woman I need. I need you, Shawn.”

She’d also realized that no one else could replace him for her. But was it just emotions talking? “I’ll always care about you, Eddie. But I think we need to think things through. Now’s not the best time to be planning a future.”

For a moment he looked like he was about to argue. Then he simply nodded. “All right. In the meantime would you sit here with me awhile.”

With some surprise, Shawn realized that she still hadn’t let go of his hand. “Of course I will. I’ll sit here with you as long as I can. Now, give me that remote. Maybe there’s a game on or something.”

With a sleepy smile, Eddie passed her the remote control without a word.

Chapter Nineteen

Bullet wounds sucked. There was no other way to describe it. His shoulder and side burned like the devil and the surrounding tissue was bruised and swollen.

After recuperating another two days at the hospital, he’d been discharged with strict orders to take things easy and rest as much as possible.

He’d been home four days. His parents had insisted he go home with them, and knowing the state he was in, Eddie didn’t put up much of a fight. The first twenty-four hours he could hardly roll over without assistance. His mother and sister had taken turns changing his bandages, monitoring his pain medication and bringing him crushed ice and water.

To his shame, his dad had been on duty, too, helping him into the bathroom a few times a day. He’d never seen his dad so patient or quiet.

Now he was out of his old bedroom and sitting on the couch, a TV tray with chicken noodle soup beside him, some crackers and a Diet Coke. To his right, Melanie was eating a plate of lasagna. He was starving and his mom’s pasta sauce smelled like heaven. “Give me some of that.”

Like a kid, she pulled it a little closer to herself. “No way. Mom said you have to have soup tonight. You’ll get sick eating lasagna.”

“The hell I will. Mel, I’m sick of soup. And what’s up with Diet Coke? I bet I’ve lost five pounds since I got shot. You know that’s not good. I need some calories.”

“Why don’t you just rub your weight loss in a little harder?”

Though Melanie certainly didn’t have anything to worry about, Eddie pretended to look contrite. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you self-conscious. When you get shot twice, I’ll salute you. Believe me, then you won’t care a thing about dieting.”

She rolled her eyes. “You must be feeling better.”

“Only a little. Remember, I have multiple bullet wounds,” he said with a grin.

“The second wound wasn’t that bad. I heard it was practically a scratch.”

“So can I have some pasta?”

“Not on your life. Drink your soup and don’t fuss about the Diet Coke. You know it’s Mom’s cure-all.”

“Hell, Melanie, it’s a good thing you aren’t a nurse, ’cause you’ve got just about the worst bedside manner ever. And just for the record, the first hole is bad enough for two. I almost died, you know.”

All traces of humor fled and she visibly paled. “You’re not being funny, Ed. Don’t talk about almost dying again.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“Ed, you weren’t there. You don’t know what it’s like to see someone in the hospital and not be able to do a thing for him.”

“I’ve got an idea,” he said dryly. “It wasn’t that long ago that you were in the hospital getting stitched up.” But as soon as he said the words, he wished he could take them back. He knew she was still traumatized by the mugging. And Shawn had told him that she was still very sensitive about her scars. “Hey, sorry I brought that up.”

“Don’t be. I’m good now, and so are you. Let’s just try to stay out of hospital for a while, okay?”

“I’m fine with that. So I heard you and John were quite the pair in the waiting room.”

“I do not want to talk about John.”

Sipping his soda, he grew concerned. “Why? Did he hurt you?”

She waved a hand. “Oh, stop. Of course he didn’t hurt me. He’s been great. Fine. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I’m just not ready, Ed.”

“Mel, you’ve got to trust somebody soon. You know all men aren’t like that piece of scum who attacked you.”

She looked away. “I know. Even the counselor said I need to step up and take some chances. But it’s still hard.”

“That’s just because you need a little push.” Happy to be talking about anything other than himself, he warmed up to the idea. “If Nelson isn’t for you…how about Mark or Steve? I know either of them would love to take you out.” He could trust them to be gentlemen, too.

But instead of even saying she’d think about it, she shook her head. “No way am I dating more than one cop at a time.”

“Why not? You know what they say about cops—they’re always wanting to give you a hand.”

Melanie groaned. “Shut up. And save me from any more lame jokes, too.” Pointing to his bowl, she said, “Eat.”

“Mel—”

“I hear you, Ed. And I do want to date. Just not yet.”

“All right.”

The ever-present voice of wisdom called up from the kitchen. “Children? Are you two arguing again?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. He was thirty, for crying out loud.

Melanie answered that one. “No, we are not.”

“Be careful with Eddie. He’s been shot, you know.”

“I will,” Melanie called before glaring at him. “When will Mom ever stop babying you?”

“Hopefully never. So don’t forget to be careful with me,” he warned with a smirk.

“I am being careful. I’m just trying to eat lasagna.”

“I want lasagna, Ma,” he called. “Please? I’m sick of soup.”

“Oh, Eddie, I don’t know.”

“Please, Ma?”

To his surprise, his mom appeared a moment later with a sliver of lasagna and a thick piece of bread, generously slathered with butter, before he could whine another minute. “Here you go, son. Eat up, now. Shawn’s going to stop by, you know.”

His pulse leaped a bit. He didn’t dare wonder if his enthusiasm was for the girls or for his ex-wife. “It will be good to see her.”

His mom sat on the edge of his bed almost between him and Melanie. She watched while he tore off a piece of bread and experimentally chewed. Once he took another bite, she spoke again. “She said she had a good visit with you the other day.”

“We watched a little baseball.” He chuckled. “Now that I think about it, she hardly said a word about my injuries.”

“I bet she figured you’d already suffered through enough of those questions.”

Images floated in his head, mixed up and imprinted themselves. “She’s a good cop’s wife,” he agreed. “A lot of other officers complain about their spouses not understanding, but she always was good in a crisis. In some ways, she can be as tough as nails.”

“She’s the best. I’ve never heard her complain about your job, never.”

“She made me a picnic basket once when I was doing a wiretap. That thing was so jam-packed with brownies and sandwiches, we had cops who didn’t want to leave.” Forking a piece of pasta in his mouth, he mumbled, “I’d forgotten about things like that.”

“Maybe you forgot too much,” Melanie interjected. “When you two were separated, it always seemed like you only cared about things Shawn didn’t do. You were hard on her.”

“It was a difficult time. Losing that baby tore us up. Mom, when did Shawn say she was coming?”

“Sometime this afternoon.” As if on cue, they heard the back door open.

“Mom? Mel? Are you here?”

“We’re in the living room with Eddie.”

Eddie turned to see Shawn’s face explode in a wreath of happy smiles. “You’re out of bed!”

Before he could say a word, his three little girls scampered on through, each one looking more jubilant than the next.

“Daddy!” Elsie cried. “Daddy!”

Sharon stood up to run interference. He braced himself to get leaped on. But to his surprise, all three skidded to a stop inches in front of his bed. “I’m sure glad you didn’t jump on me,” he said.

“Mommy made us practice seeing you,” Kit explained.

Shawn blushed. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I can give hugs if they’re sweet.”

One by one, each of his precious girls gave him a sweet hug and a tiny kiss on the cheek. They smelled of baby powder and lemonade and Downy. Shawn had obviously gotten them in super shape to pay him a visit.

“I wanna see your bandages!” Mary cried.

Because he’d been young once, he obligingly pulled off his shirt. Little Elsie’s eyes widened and her mouth formed a little O as she stepped closer. “Hurt?”

“Uh-huh.”

YOU ARE A BAD WOMAN, Shawn told herself sternly as she watched Mary and Kit gently pat the center of their daddy’s smooth bronze chest. He’s injured. He’s with your children. You are divorced!

But she couldn’t stop looking at that very faint line of blond hair that made its way down the center of his belly and snaked down past the waistband of his pajama bottoms. All she could remember was when his body was hers to touch.

When Melanie coughed and exited the room, Shawn reddened. She’d been spotted staring! Now that was embarrassing. “Girls, why don’t you go get your bags? We’ll give our presents to Daddy.”

All three trotted off.

“I’m glad you came by,” he said.

“I am, too.”

He scanned her face. “Didn’t you have to work?”

“I traded with some girls.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m glad I came over.” Smiling at Sharon, who’d remained suspiciously quiet, Shawn said, “So how’s our patient been doing today?”

“He’s been crabby.”

Unable to stop herself, she combed away a stray curl from his forehead with her fingers. “You need to try and be patient, don’t you think?”

Slowly he took her hand and slipped it in between his two palms. “I’ll try.”

The girls flew in again, and after unwrapping three colorful get-well pictures, a box of chocolates and a deck of cards, Eddie glanced toward her. “What are the cards for?”

“Thought you might want to play a round of gin rummy.”

“You got time?”

“Always.”

Looking pleased, Sharon said, “I’ll bring over some lasagna for you, Shawn. Girls, want to eat some dinner in the kitchen and watch Disney?”

As expected, the girls followed their grandmother as if she were the Pied Piper.

So she wouldn’t be tempted to hold his hand again, Shawn got to business shuffling cards. “You’re full of surprises, that’s a fact.”

“So are you,” he said after he picked up his ten cards. “First you visit at the hospital, now you’re playing gin.”

“Melanie told me that you broke things off with Jayne.”

He discarded a four. “You heard right.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

He shrugged. “It was probably for the best. When she showed up in recovery and then found out that I’d been calling for you, I think we both realized that I’m not ready to move on. Plus, three daughters and a baby on the way is a bit much for someone to take on, don’t you think?”

“I guess it depends on what a gal wants in a husband,” Shawn said while discarding a king of hearts and replacing it with a seven of spades.

“Long ago…what did you want, Shawn?”

That was easy. “Me? I wanted a man to love me.”

“I did. I loved you a lot.”

“I know. At one time we certainly loved each other a lot, didn’t we?”

“At one time, I didn’t think it would be possible to stop.”

She’d won the game. Laying down her winning cards, she murmured, “I didn’t think I’d ever stop, either.” Looking into his eyes, she murmured, “I guess anything can happen, huh? Anything at all.”

Chapter Twenty

He wasn’t dating Jayne. It was over.

For the next two weeks those two statements kept rolling through her head as she went about her days.

Though there could have been a number of reasons things with the kindergarten teacher went south, Shawn’s heart knew there was only one real reason. The baby.

But had Jayne been upset that Shawn and Eddie had gotten together one night after they’d divorced? Or had Eddie called things off because his feelings about Shawn had changed?

Shawn had no way of knowing. And none of it was her business. But, gosh, she sure wished she knew.

Seeing how stressed she was, Ramona encouraged Shawn to take a leave of absence, reminding Shawn that she’d be putting in even more hours when she came off maternity leave. With that in mind, Shawn had called Bill and Sharon, asked if she could stay at their condo for a while and then packed up the girls.

Now their days were a little less stressful and a whole lot more sandy and sunny.

“Mommy, look at me!” Mary called out from her left, bringing Shawn’s attention back to their spot on the beach.

“I do see you! Well, at least some of you! Mary, honey, you look like a mummy,” Shawn teased as Kit and Elsie patted more and more sand on top of her. “Mind Mary’s eyes, now,” she warned, more out of habit than anything else. The girls had been covering each other up in the sand from the time they’d started playing in it.

Satisfied everyone was happy for a few moments, Shawn tried to concentrate on the rolling waves in front of her and the whispering voice of the surf. As usual, the sound was hypnotizing, lulling her nerves and encouraging her to think just a little bit more about the decisions she’d been making in life.

Lately she’d made some doozies. Maybe it was time to give everything another bit of reflection.

She’d never been one to think about fate, but she did have to wonder if maybe this baby was meant to be, a sign that she and Eddie did have a good thing together.

His wounds had shaken her something awful, too. She’d felt like she’d aged twenty years in the fifteen minutes it had taken her to get to the hospital. Thank goodness Tricia had volunteered to drive her. As they’d crossed the city from the Carnegie offices to the hospital, she’d felt numb and as if she was in a dream.

Later, when she and Eddie had watched the ball game, everything had seemed so…normal—like it was the only place on earth she needed to be.

How had things gotten so screwed up?

What had been wrong with their marriage? Miscommunication? Just plain exhaustion? Too much hurt from the miscarriage? Had they grown apart, or had they ever grown together?

The girls’ laughter caused her attention to shift. Her middle daughter was anxiously trying to lift her arms out of their covering but not having much luck. “Mary, are you ready to be free?”

“Uh-huh.”

“She’s trapped, Mommy!”

“I know, Kit, but you need to dig Mary out.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“I want out!” Mary cried, her voice shrill.

“Now, please.”

“All right.” In short order, Kit rolled to her knees, quickly pushed away the sand and freed her little sister. “You’re out now.”

Mary scrambled out. Rubbing her arms and legs, she wrinkled her nose. “The sand got itchy.”

“And you, my dear, are going to be even more itchy if we don’t get you some help.” With effort, Shawn got her feet and held out her hand. “Let’s go wash you off in the surf. Elsie, Kit? Want to go stick your legs in the water?”

As expected, all three agreed happily. Elsie giggled as she ran to catch Shawn’s other hand. In no time Shawn had washed the fine sandy covering off Mary and the four of them were walking along the beach, zigzagging their trail as the tide rolled in and back out.

An almost whole sand dollar stopped their walk, which led to the spotting of a mess of seaweed, which led to another inspection. As the water lapped their toes and a tiny fish had the misfortune of swimming among them, they laughed and stomped and splashed.

This was the type of moment Shawn loved. She loved exploring with her girls, playing with them. Letting them be outside and loud and curious. Moments like this helped her realize that things were going to be okay when there was a fourth one in tow.

Things were going to be okay no matter what happened with Eddie.

“You think things are gonna be different when we get the baby?” Kit asked, eyeing Shawn’s basketball-size stomach.

“I’m not sure,” she answered honestly. “I don’t imagine much different, though. I bet we’ll still do the same things as always.”

“I’ll be one of the big sisters, instead of in the middle,” Mary stated.

“That’s true. I’ll be depending on you even more than I do right now, I suspect.”

Kit kicked her foot into the oncoming wave, spraying salt water in the air. “But we won’t have Daddy.”

“We already talked about this, remember? You’ll have Daddy, he just won’t be here. But we’re getting used to him not being around, right?”

“I’m not,” Kit said. “I miss him.”

Mary’s lip trembled. “Me, too. I love him.”

“I love him, too,” Kit said.

Elsie just looked sad.

Wrapping an arm around her tiny sister, Kit said to Shawn, “Do you still love Daddy?”

Shawn’s usual reaction was to ask them not to think about that. To try not to dwell on things that were confusing or hard to explain. To stay away from things that made them sad.

But maybe that was wrong, after all. Even all the sun and sand and ocean creatures couldn’t replace what was in their hearts or turn off unwelcome feelings.

But the time to do that was long gone.

Shoot. If she was going to face the truth, she might as well face it front and center. “I do love your daddy. I still love him a lot. We just couldn’t live together.”

“Poor Daddy,” Kit said sorrowfully. “Poor Daddy will still be all alone.”

HIS GIRLS WERE on the beach. That’s how Eddie always thought of them, too. His girls. Before the miscarriage, he used to like to find them when Shawn least expected it, just so he could see the look of delight in her eyes when he’d come upon her. That look would be followed by one of her sweet, sexy-as-sin hugs, which would reaffirm that he was, indeed, the luckiest guy in the world.

Now things were different.

Still moving slowly from the bullet wound, he was off work another week and taking the opportunity to organize his living room. Since he was neat by nature and hadn’t taken too much out of the house, that little project had taken an hour, tops.

Now he was reduced to playing Peeping Tom because he wasn’t sure what to do. When he spied all four of them sitting in the water and Shawn looked to be on the verge of tears, he stepped out of the shadows. Anything was better than sitting there, watching. Wishing he was included. Wishing they could go back in time—at least until he could remember again why he’d been so sure that things could never be good between them.

As he got close to them, he called out a question. “There a reason y’all are sitting in the water?”

“We’re just telling Mommy that we don’t like being apart from you, Daddy,” Kit said.

The innocent explanation slammed into him. Funny how adults thought—especially grown men. They assumed once a decision had been made and legitimized, all discussion about it was done. History. Emotionally off-limits.

How foolish that was.

Kneeling in front of them all, Eddie tried to play it cool. “I thought things were going okay.”

“They are. Things are just hard, that’s all.” Waving a hand, Shawn sniffed. “You in the hospital, me getting as big as a house…it’s just a lot, you know?”

“Mommy’s cryin’.” Mary said.

Shawn wiped the tears away with a fist. “These darn hormones. If my back doesn’t kill me, these tears sure will.”

Her comment about her back worried him. “Hey, why don’t you go lie down for a bit and take a rest? I’ll bring the girls up in a while.”

“Sure?”

“Positive.” Noticing that the ice-cream shack had a green flag flying high—the sign that it was open—he turned to the girls. “I’ve got a ten in my pocket. Who thinks they can eat an ice-cream cone?”

“I do!” they chorused, effectively bringing the conversation to a stop—and giving Shawn an easy way out.

Bending down, he reached for her hand, then curved an arm around her back, low, the way he used to do. To his relief, Shawn leaned into him, letting him support her as she got awkwardly to her feet. “Go inside and take a nap, baby,” he whispered before he could think better of it. “When you wake up, I’ll have some ice cream waiting for you and Four.”

“Chocolate?”

“Uh-huh.” He smiled. Oh, but she loved chocolate ice cream.

She didn’t say much, but he did notice that she wrapped a hand around his for a moment longer than necessary and seemed to draw comfort from his strength. “Thanks, Eddie.” After saying something silly to the girls about mommy nap times, she left them, waddling slowly toward the condo entrance.

She looked cute.

And her cheeks had flushed when he’d wrapped an arm around her. Her breath had quickened when he’d leaned close to support her.

Just like his had.

And then reality hit him. He’d fallen in love with his ex-wife.

Again.

Chapter Twenty-One

After spending two weeks at the beach, Shawn carted the girls back home. She needed to get the nursery ready for the baby, and there wasn’t much time. She only had a few more weeks to go. Tricia helped her some with the girls, as did Melanie, Bill and Sharon, and Eddie as much as he was able.

When Melanie called and offered to help go baby-supply shopping, Shawn jumped at the chance. Though she knew what she needed, it was still a lot of effort to walk up and down the aisles and get it all organized.

“How many bottles do you want to buy?” Melanie asked a little farther down the aisle. “Two?”

“More like six, I think.”

“You sure? That seems like kind of a lot.”

“I’m sure. Melanie, I hope you’ll ask me for advice when you get pregnant. You’re going to need lots of help.” It had been this way for the past hour and a half. Shawn was so thankful for Melanie’s help, but her absolute cluelessness about what newborns needed was almost laughable.

“Well, if I need help, I’ll know who to call.”

Seeing the pacifiers near Melanie, she called, “Better grab some of those pacifiers, too.”

Melanie grabbed two. “This baby’s going to have quite a time going. Everything’s brand-new.”

“I hate to admit it, but it’s kind of fun. By the time I had Elsie, I hardly needed to shop at all. After three girls, a lot of it looked pretty worn-out. This feels like Christmas.”

Turning a corner, they wound their way down the newborn-toy aisle, oohing and ahhing over all the cute stuffed animals and sweet mobiles that decorated the area. Two days before, Melanie had come over and painted the baby’s room a bright yellow to go with the striped curtains Shawn had found at another discount store.

After adding baby towels, a few onesies and about a dozen other baby things, Shawn decided to call it a day. “I’m worn-out. Let’s stop.”

“I thought you’d never say those magic words.”

Shawn looked at her watch. “We’ve got time to have a quick bite to eat before I get the girls from your parents. Where do you want to go?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve got to head home and get cleaned up. I’ve got a date tonight.”

“Melanie, I can’t believe you’ve waited so long to tell me! Is it John?”

“It is.” As they moved forward in line, Melanie said, “This is our fifth date.”

Shawn knew how scared she’d been about any kind of dating. “Things are going okay? He’s treating you all right?”

“He is.” A sweet smile lit her face. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be serious, but he’s making me trust people again. Making me feel like there’s more to me than just a gal who’s afraid to go places by myself.”

“If he can do that, he must be wonderful.” As the clerk rang up her purchases and another clerk bagged up her loot, Shawn said, “Well, I guess time is moving on for both of us.”

“Finally.”

“Comes to $378.00, ma’am,” the clerk interrupted.

Shawn winced as she handed over her credit card. “Melanie, don’t let me buy another thing for this baby. Things aren’t changing that much.”

Melanie just smiled and pushed the cart to the car for Shawn.

AFTER A QUICK DINNER of fish sticks, the girls settled in front of a movie and Shawn got busy with the nursery. Though she’d meant to ask Eddie to help her take some things down from the attic, the last time he’d stopped by she’d been late for work and he’d been anxious to take the kids to the movies and they’d run out of time.

She’d decided to at least grab a few things and move them to Four’s room.

As was the norm in her life, nothing was getting done very quickly.

“Mommy, are you still up there?”

Shawn looked around the dusty attic in the dim light and wondered where else Kit had thought she’d gone off to. “Of course I am.”

“You’ve been up there a long time.”

Shawn panted as she struggled to pull one end of the crib out from behind three cardboard boxes. A puff of dust blew into her face, causing the spiderweb—or whatever she’d run into earlier—to stick to her eyelashes. “The crib is just a little out of the way. Are you watching your sisters?”

“Yes.” After a suspicious giggle, Kit said a little more loudly, “I’m watching them, Mommy.”

That sounded very suspicious.

Though Shawn feared Kit was watching the little ones pour shampoo or paint or who knew what else on the carpet, she pretended she didn’t care. After all, she could only do one thing at a time. “Good. Now you’re gonna need to move them out of the way when I start taking the parts of the crib down the stairs. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“Like you, Shawn?”

She knocked her head something fierce when she sat up in a hurry. “Eddie, what are you doing here?”

The girls’ laughter followed him as he climbed two steps and poked his head into the attic. “I could ask the same thing of you.”

“I’m bringing a couple of things down.”

“At eight months pregnant?”

Actually she was a little further along than that. “I’ve got a baby coming, you know.”

He entered the attic, saw the parts of the crib lying this way and that, and groaned. “Shawn Wagner, get out of here before you hurt yourself.”

“Eddie, you’re injured!”

“Well, that makes two of us doing things we shouldn’t.” He pointed to the ray of light shining in. “We’re going to get you down this ladder and then I’ll bring everything down for you.”

“I can get down myself.”

A hand on her shoulder stopped her. “Don’t. I’d die if something happened to you or that baby.”

His words made her pause.

Maybe the same shock made him shake his head in wonder. But no matter what, that old familiar awareness punctuated their looks. And made her move aside as he headed down the narrow rickety ladder first. “Come on, honey,” he whispered, patiently waiting for her to step back into the waiting security of his arms.

As she followed him down the latter, the backs of her thighs bumped against the buckle at his waist. One hand cupped her hip, offering her security as she stepped down backward.

Security. That’s what he offered. So why was she thinking of absolutely anything but that? All that flashed in her mind was the memory of his hands on her bare skin. The way their bodies had always melded together. Felt so right together.

She took another step down and another until she ended up flush against him. Again. His other hand flew to her rib cage.

“Careful, Shawn. There’s no hurry,” he murmured.

She swallowed. “I know. I’m not always so clumsy.”

“I don’t think you’re clumsy at all,” he said, his breath soft against her neck, making the hairs at the back stand on end.

Because at the moment all she wanted to think about was how good he smelled. How much he did for her. How much he tried to make her happy.

To her chagrin, she used to take that for granted.

Now, though, she was appreciating everything about his help. Even as she descended one more step and felt his arms curve around her belly—around their baby—when she reached the tile floor.

She was safe. She was down the stairs.

So why was she in no hurry to leave his arms? It probably had something to do with the way his breath tickled her neck. How her head was resting against his shoulder. How they felt suspended in time.

When he brushed his lips over her neck, she didn’t move away. Just enjoyed his touch. After all, she knew her feelings, her truth—she was still hopelessly in love with him. She was confident that reality wouldn’t change for some time.

So, even though there might not be too much for them to talk about anymore, even though there might not be too much for them to plan for, she still wanted to be around him as much as she could.

When his lips wandered lower, when he kissed a little lower, pressed against her shoulder, she shuddered from want. From pleasure.

“Mommy, is the baby moving?” Mary chirped from their feet.

Like teenagers caught parking, they sprang apart.

Looking down at her stomach, which seemed to grow a little bit bigger every minute, she smiled. “I think so, yes.”

Mary’s little hand reached for Shawn’s belly, and she rested her palm on it. After a moment Mary brought up her other hand and moved them around, like she was holding a basketball.

Eddie chuckled. “Feel anything, Mary?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Nope. Just a hard tummy. Is the baby getting big?”

“The doctor said she was.”

Eddie knelt next to Mary and repositioned her hand to a knobby protuberance near her rib cage. “That’s a foot, honey.”

Mary giggled. “I hope she doesn’t stomp on you.”

“I hope so, too.”

After another moment Mary lost interest. She kissed Shawn’s belly, then darted off, leaving Shawn and Eddie alone once again.

“So…when’s the next appointment?”

“Next week. Will you still be able to be there?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. I told you, I’m going to the rest of the appointments. I missed the last two because of my trip to the hospital and physical therapy.”

Shawn knew a stronger woman would have laughed off his interest. Would have boldly proclaimed that she was having his baby—not trying to get him back in her life.

But the truth of the matter was that she liked having Eddie at the appointments.

And foolishly, she couldn’t stop herself from casting another interested glance or two his way. He really was handsome. But more than that, Eddie had always worn a cloak of authority and leadership that couldn’t be faked or replicated.

That’s what other women saw, Shawn knew. That self-assuredness was as attractive as anything else she could think of and had drawn her from the first moment they’d met.

“If you can make it, I’d love for you to come.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He reached for her hand. Linked his fingers through hers. “I was hoping you wouldn’t push me away.”

She couldn’t any longer. Ever since she’d almost lost him, she’d quit playing games with herself. She loved Eddie. He might never feel that way toward her again, but she couldn’t negate her own feelings. She refused to wish them away. “I think we’re beyond all that, don’t you?”

Just like when they were dating, a tension filled the air between them, and Shawn was incredibly aware of all things Eddie.

By his expression, he seemed to feel the same way. His gaze kept darting to her lips.

In response, she leaned a little closer, closing the gap between them.

He reached for her, curved a hand around her shoulder, then moved it lower, stopping in the middle of her back, right along her spine. “You want to rest for a bit?”

Everything she wanted had nothing to do with resting. She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m okay.”

He leaned closer. Her breasts brushed lightly against his chest. She noticed.

He moaned softly. “Why don’t you, um, go sit down now, Shawn, and I’ll bring the rest of this stuff down and then set up the crib?”

Since he was determined to keep things on neutral topics, she followed his lead. “You won’t mind?”

“Nope.” He brushed a thumb across her lips. “And I promise I’ll stop if it gets to be too much.”

She couldn’t help it. She lightly kissed that thumb.

His right hand shifted, cupped her jaw. “Oh, Shawn. I’m trying to be good, here.”

“I know.”

Then there wasn’t anything more to say as their lips finally met. She knew those lips. She shifted her head and allowed him deeper access. Tongues met. Teeth knocked together. She closed her eyes and held on to him.

And then she stepped back when it was clear he was striving for control. Running a hand through his hair, he murmured, “Would you mind making me some iced tea and a sandwich in an hour or so? Grilled cheese?”

“That just happens to be my specialty,” she said, trying to sound calm.

“And, Shawn?”

She pivoted. “Yes?”

Gently, so sweetly, he bent down and brushed his lips across hers. “Thanks.”

“Any time.” Quickly she turned before he saw how she was affected. Before he noticed that she had almost put her arms around his neck and kissed him again.

And oh, she wouldn’t have stopped unless the girls walked in.

It was a real good thing that at least Eddie was still thinking with his head.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“You didn’t used to do this much when you were days from giving birth,” Eddie grumbled four hours later as he put yet another load of diapers and baby gear in the nursery. “You used to watch movies and eat Fig Newtons.”

After taking a package of wipes from Shawn and stacking them in the closet, he added, “Shoot, when you were pregnant with Mary, you slept for ten hours a night. I could hardly get you up on Sundays for church.”

“Oh, all that sleep was heaven.”

Unable to help himself, Eddie chuckled. “For you, maybe. I was always in a hurry to get you up and going.”

“I know. You always have been eager to go do stuff.” She shrugged. “Oh, well. Now I’ve got enough energy for both of us.”

“And now I’ve got to watch you like a hawk. Crazy, huh?”

“Well, they say each pregnancy is different. I can definitely attest to that.” Looking longingly at her bedroom, she murmured, “To be honest, I sure wouldn’t mind feeling a little more lazy.”

“I wouldn’t mind it either. You’re supposed to be gaining weight, remember?”

Mary’s pregnancy had been so relaxing and sweet. Shawn didn’t know whether it had been Kit who’d worn her out or the pregnancy. But she’d always been tired and had always wanted to sleep. Eddie had taken up the slack, taking care of Kit, driving her to day care, even asking for a few shortened shifts so he could be around in case Shawn needed him.

Conveniently she’d pushed those memories behind her. When they’d been separated, it was amazing how easy it was to forget just what a good husband he’d been. Like a child, she’d focused on wanting her way, instead of preserving those memories.

“I’ve gained plenty. I’m right on track now,” Shawn reminded him softly. “Anyway, when this baby comes, I’m going to have my hands busy.” She frowned, recalling all those nighttime feedings. For a while it had sounded so darling, holding a newborn in her arms at midnight. Now it just sounded scary. How was she going to nurse a baby at night, then turn around and take care of Elsie in the morning?

As Eddie opened up a multicolored mobile and typically tossed the directions on the floor, he murmured, “We can still get married, you know.”

“I know.”

“Would you want to?”

“I don’t want to get married just for the baby’s sake.” She swallowed. “You wouldn’t, either, would you?”

“No. Of course not.”

Shawn turned away quickly before Eddie could see just how much his words affected her. Because, the thing was, with a little bit of coaxing, she knew she probably would marry him again. Their time apart, and the way he’d been acting with her showed her just how much she still loved him. She also knew that there was no one else in the world for her.

Added to that was the fierce attraction she still felt for him, and only him. Every time she was in his arms, she longed to take things a step further.

She loved how he made her feel. Loved how wanted she felt when they were making love. But of course they had to get out of bed sometimes. And that, they both knew, was where their troubles lay.

She didn’t want to be in a worse situation, and getting back together for all the wrong reasons would be a horrible mistake.

Because if he left again, she didn’t know if she would ever recover. “If we got remarried, we’d have to be sure we were ready to be together forever.” She paused, half waiting for him to promise her that.

Instead, he frowned and said. “I guess you’re right. But Four’s about to be here. We should do it sooner than later.”

“Rushing for the baby is the wrong reason,” she said, finally voicing her mind. Of course, not referring to what was in her heart, that she now loved him more than ever.

He looked at her for a long moment, then took her hand and led her out of the room. “Let’s go sit on the back porch.”

“I can’t. There’s a thousand things I need to do.”

“There’s not. We both know there’s not. Everything’s ready, and if it’s not, who cares? You act like you’re going to be on your own, but you won’t be. Even if we’re not married, I won’t leave you alone. Neither will my family.”

He had a point. “I’m grateful for that.”

Instead of looking pleased, he scowled. “Don’t be grateful. You should expect it. No matter what.”

After picking up the empty boxes and smashing them into the black garbage bag he’d also carried into Four’s room, he held out a hand. “Shawn, everything’s ready. Little sleepers are washed and waiting. More diapers than she’ll need for three weeks are set out. The mobile and blankets and toys and tiny socks are all laid out. We’re ready. Let’s go to the porch.”

“We’re going to need more diapers.”

He laughed. “If we do, I’ll buy them. Come on, Shawn. We’ve done enough, I promise.”

“I guess you’re right.” Letting herself be led out the back door and onto the porch, she ungracefully plopped herself down on one of the bright yellow chairs.

To her surprise, Eddie sat down, too, then moved so he was sitting behind her, his thighs bracing her on either side. Though she enjoyed feeling him around her, she curved her head around. “What’s this for?”

“What do you think?” He rubbed his hands together, then placed them on her bare back. He kneaded the sore muscles above the edge of her tank top. “You need to loosen up.”

Well, she did enjoy his hands on her. “I guess this is the best way to do that.”

“It’s the only way right now.”

Shawn wondered what, exactly, he meant by that. Was he referring to the fact that she was about to have their baby any day? Or the fact that they weren’t a couple anymore?

“I’m okay. Actually, I’m—”

Reaching around her, he gently pressed two fingers to her mouth, cutting her off. “Relax, Shawn. I can practically feel those wheels turning in your head.” His hands splayed across her upper back, his touch as soothing as his low, gravelly voice. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“How many times have we said this?”

“A lot. But this time I might actually mean it.”

That made her smile. It was typical Eddie, and typical of how they’d been for the past year and a half. Over and over they’d lied to each other, pretended they were okay. Pretended they’d moved on.

His hands moved to her shoulders. rubbing the sore muscles, lulling her to relax. She closed her eyes. “I might mean it, too.” Oh, she was so thankful Sharon and Bill had the girls today. And she had Eddie. It would have been a far different day if she’d been alone. She’d be plagued by doubts and giving in to fears.

She shifted, letting him massage her lower back. In the distance the sound of waves lapping the shore was mixed in with the shrill calls of seagulls. A few miles in the distance, a horn blared. Shawn couldn’t tell if it was from a car or a boat. “This is nice,” she murmured.

“The girls will be back soon. Until then, close your eyes, sweetheart.”

Just three months earlier, she would have snapped right back at him. Told him not to order her around. But now she complied. “This is nice,” she said again as a trio of children laughed somewhere in the distance. As the sharp tang of salt air filled her senses, she concentrated on Eddie’s touch. On how strong his fingers were. How rough his calluses were, but how much she liked his touch.

In fact, the only thing that could have been better was the ache in her back. It had settled in and didn’t seem in any hurry to lessen. But the cramps weren’t too bad.

Not bad enough to keep her eyes from closing.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Eddie met his sister, Kit, Mary and Elsie at the door. “Thanks for bringing them back, Mel. I really appreciate it.”

“It was no problem.” As the girls scurried in, Mel peeked into the kitchen. “Where’s Shawn?”

“She’s asleep on a deck chair on the porch. Her back was hurting her a little bit. I think she’s been overdoing it.”

Looking concerned, Melanie said, “Want me to stay?”

He curved an arm around Mary’s shoulders. “Nah, we’re fine, aren’t we, girls?”

“Yep.” Kit said.

As the three of them began to show him the pictures they’d drawn and two rocks they’d found, Eddie waved off Mel. “Thanks again,” he said before picking up Elsie and inspecting her rock a little bit more closely.

An hour later Eddie was making a pot of fettuccini when Shawn came in. “Hi, everyone. Sorry I slept so long.”

Watching the noodles boil, Eddie said, “We’ve been playing dolls and cooking dinner.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“It has been. The girls said I can play dolls with them anytime I want.”

“You always were a man of many talents.” Her face paled for a moment. “Oh, my.”

He dropped the spoon he’d been holding. “Shawn?”

“Eddie, I think—” She gasped and clasped the edge of the kitchen counter for support.

His mouth went dry. He knew that look. He’d seen it three times before. “Shawn,” he said slowly, “Everything’s going to be okay. Just sit down. Kit, help your mother to a chair.”

“But, Daddy—”

“Do what I ask, Kit.”

“But—”

“Now, Kit.”

Shawn glared. “Don’t yell at the girls.”

“I’m a parent, too. Don’t tell me how to act.”

Mary tugged on his shirt. “Daddy, the pot—”

His patience snapped. “Girls, sometimes your needs have to take second place. All of us need to help your mother right now. Be quiet.” He strode over to Shawn. “Is your bag packed?”

“I…I think so.”

“You think so? Shawn, come on. Don’t you even have that organized?”

“Daddy!” Kit and Mary chimed in together.

“Quiet!”

Elsie started crying.

“Oh, shoot!” Shawn moaned.

“Daddy!”

“What?” His patience finally gone, he glared at Kit. “What can you possibly need right this very moment?”

She started crying, too. “The pot’s boiling over and Mommy had an accident.”

Her words stunned him. “What?”

Mary pointed to the range. “The water’s goin’ everywhere!”

Hastily grabbing a towel, he pulled the pot off the range, then turned back to Shawn. “Accident?”

Shawn looked almost in tears herself. “My water broke. I’m afraid Four is on the way. Right this minute.”

After making sure the burner was off, he strode over to Shawn and curved an arm around her. “Every other time, your water broke at the hospital,” he murmured. There was a definite edge to his voice.

She leaned into him for support as another contraction rocked her. “Things are happening fast, Eddie.” And though she didn’t say it, he knew she was worried.

Keeping one arm wrapped around her, he guided her to her bedroom. “I’m going to get on the phone. Can you slip on something fresh on your own?”

She nodded. “Then we need to hurry.”

Oh, yes, they did.

The next twenty minutes felt like two days. Two hasty phone calls located his parents, who were only ten minutes away from the hospital. They agreed to meet them there to help with the girls so Eddie and Shawn wouldn’t waste time waiting for them to come to the house.

Next, Eddie ordered the girls to the car, but none of it went as planned, as dolls and blankets and Shawn’s suitcase were almost forgotten and then retrieved. When Mary started crying and Shawn got paler as another contraction hit her hard, Eddie swore he’d never give Shawn grief about getting kids loaded in the van again.

The logistics of just getting the five of them taken care of were so hard, he was a complete basket case. Deciding that pride was definitely overrated, he called Sal. “I need help,” he said the moment his lieutenant answered. “Shawn’s in labor, the girls are going crazy, and I’m worried sick. Things aren’t going like they usually do,” he continued in a rush. “This baby’s coming way too fast.”

“Where are you?”

“Shawn’s.”

To Eddie’s extreme relief, Sal remained calm and collected. “Hold on a sec, I’m calling for support.” Thirty seconds later he was back on the phone. “Okay. An ambulance and a patrol car will be at your place in three minutes, tops.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it,” he said simply.

“We’re family. Tell that wife of yours to not even think about having that baby yet. No one wants to deliver Eddie Wagner’s baby on the kitchen floor.”

Least of all him! Eddie couldn’t believe it, but he chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind, sir.”

Shawn called out to him just as he was clicking off. “Eddie? Eddie, we’ve got to go.”

He reached for her hand. “Change of plans. I called for backup. Sal’s sending over an ambulance.”

“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad.” Her eyes widened and she panted as the next contraction gripped her hard. “Four’s anxious.”

This baby was driving him crazy. “Four’s going to just have to settle down and realize that she’ll have to learn to be patient,” he said as he guided her to their bed and sat next to her. “With three older sisters, waiting is going to be part of her life.”

She smiled at his quip, though Eddie could tell it was all she could do to keep herself together. “Are you sure the ambulance is on the way?”

Holding her close, rubbing her back, he nodded. “I promise. Someone will be here any minute now.” He strained to hear sirens. “Any minute now.” Gosh, he hoped he was right.

As three little girls appeared at the doorway, he tried to keep his voice as upbeat as possible. “An ambulance is coming to take Mommy to the hospital. You girls need to go help and watch for it, okay?”

Miraculously, the idea of an ambulance sounded exciting instead of scary. Little cheers echoed down the hall as they scampered to the front window.

Eddie hoped he’d hear another cheer announcing the ambulance’s arrival very, very soon.

Another contraction gripped her. “Oh, Eddie. I’d forgotten just how much these hurt.”

Old birthing classes kicked in. “Come on, Shawn, breathe, honey,” he murmured, rubbing her back. “I know it hurts but you’re doing great.”

“Not so great!”

He couldn’t fault her. “It’ll be over soon. But hopefully not too soon, okay? I am not delivering this baby.”

Exactly three minutes later, three cops arrived, including his partner and a supremely efficient EMT.

While Cameron whisked the girls into the van and took over getting them to the hospital to meet Eddie’s parents, the EMT took Shawn’s pulse, chuckled when Shawn said the contractions were four minutes apart, then ignored almost everything Eddie said as she and another uniform guided Shawn to the waiting ambulance.

She looked over her shoulder to make sure he was coming. “Eddie?”

“I’m not going anywhere, honey,” he promised, meaning those words with all his heart. After climbing in and slipping to her side, he did his best to stay out of the way as they took off and the EMT expertly started an IV. “I’m never leaving you again.”

Lord, he felt like such an idiot. So many times he’d found fault with Shawn for not being able to run things more efficiently. And now, when she really needed him, he could hardly function. He’d hardly felt more than a moment of guilt about calling the station and asking for support.

Shawn breathed through another contraction as the ambulance sped along.

“I would check her, but since the ride’s relatively short, I thought we’d wait,” the EMT explained. “But she’s close.”

Shawn glared. “You think?”

Eddie yelled out at the driver. “ETA?”

“Six minutes.”

“That’s too long.”

The EMT looked at him with sympathy. “Hang in there, buddy.”

Eddie bent down and kissed her brow. “What can I do?”

“Besides deliver this baby? Nothing. Except—” The words were lost in the middle of another contraction.

Even in Iraq, Eddie hadn’t felt so nervous.

With a screech, they pulled into the emergency entrance and Dr. Axman was at the door. Far more in control than Eddie, Dr. Axman barked out orders as Shawn was placed on a gurney. “Follow along, Sergeant,” Dr. Axman said. “You’ll need to get in scrubs, stat.”

“I’ll be right there, Shawn. I promise.”

He didn’t know if she heard him or not. Shawn was surrounded.

And, it turned out, so was he. “Everything’s going to be okay, Eddie,” Sal said, clasping his shoulder. “You’ve just got to breathe deep and not worry. We got her here.”

Behind Sal, several other members of the squad looked on and nodded.

Eddie was momentarily stunned. “How did you all get here so fast?”

One of the guys—Eddie wasn’t sure who—chuckled. “How do you think? It’s all over the wires that you’re in labor.”

Torn between gratitude and worry, Eddie said, “Thanks. I really appreciate you guys coming out.”

Sal clucked his tongue. “Shawn’s going to appreciate it if you get your butt over to labor and delivery. If her expression was any indication, you might be having a baby this very minute.”

The ball in the pit of his stomach rolled and fell, crushing what little remained of his sanity. “Oh, crap! I’ve got to go.”

The guys surrounding him had the nerve to laugh. “Yes, you do, Wagner.”

Eddie didn’t spare them a glance as he ran down the hall, pausing only long enough to call out, “Baby!”

With a hint of a smile, the nurse pointed down the hall.

An orderly met him. “Scrubs, Sergeant.” Eddie stripped down in seconds, slipping into the blue cotton pants and shirt, then dutifully washed his hands thoroughly. Leaving his clothes in a pile on the bed, he tore into the labor-and-delivery wing. “Shawn Wagner?” he called.

Shawn herself answered. “Eddie?”

“Better hurry on up,” an attendant muttered as Eddie strode forward. “The doctor was looking for you.”

And then nothing else mattered, because there was Shawn, wrapped in thin cotton sheets and looking beautiful. “How’re you doing?”

She paused in her panting to glare. “I’m delivering the biggest girl imaginable, Wagner. How do you think I’m feeling?”

Dr. Axman looked up from the stool at the end of the bed. “Great question, Dad,” she quipped. “I would have thought you’d gotten smarter by now.”

“It never gets easy,” he said, reaching out for Shawn’s hand and gritting his teeth as she proceeded to squeeze the living daylights out of it.

If Shawn, Dr. Axman or the attending nurse had a thing to say about his perspective on the whole thing, thankfully no one said a word.

Instead, everyone became all business. Dr. Axman checked progress, Kellie, the nurse, assisted, Shawn panted and pushed, and Eddie stopped worrying about anything but Shawn and the baby’s health.

“I can’t do much more,” Shawn said. “Epidural.”

“You came way too late for that, Shawn,” the doctor said. “You’re going to need to be tough for Four.”

Shawn groaned.

Eddie gently wiped her forehead with a cool towel. “I guess we should’ve expected this baby to do what she wanted when she wanted, huh? So far she’s done everything she wanted when she wanted.”

Shawn didn’t reply, just kept panting and holding his hand in a death grip.

When they had a second of relief, the nurse glanced his way. “What happened? Things go too fast?”

“Yeah. I should have been watching over my wife a lot better.”

“No, it’s my fault,” Shawn panted. “I didn’t tell Eddie how close the contractions were. I didn’t want to worry him.”

Dr. Axman chuckled. “Did you forget this baby has a mind of its own? Ah, here we go.” Smiling happily, she said the magic words. “Push, Shawn.”

Shawn pushed, Eddie supported her shoulders and tried to be encouraging. After a few more good pushes, a lot of coaxing and a few prayers, once again, there was another beautiful baby in the world.

As high-pitched squeals and cries filled the air, Shawn fell back against the mattress.

Then Dr. Axman started laughing.

That sure had never happened before. Eddie stood up. “What is it, doc? Is something wrong with our daughter?”

“Only that she has a penis.”

“Huh?”

All smiles, with the nurse’s help, Dr. Axman cut the cord, then wrapped the baby in a soft blanket and handed him to Eddie. “Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Wagner. You have a boy.”

As Eddie curved his arms around the little bundle, he looked into a pair of eyes that were already shaped just like his. The tiny baby stopped crying long enough to look right back at him. Eddie’s heart stopped. “Boy?”

Shawn glanced up at him as if she couldn’t comprehend a word that had been said. “Boy?”

“Oh, yeah,” he murmured.

His girls were darling. They were beautiful babies. But even at birth, they hadn’t looked like this little guy. He was sturdy and solid and screaming loud enough to wake the dead. “Shawn, honey…we have a son.” Without waiting another second, he laid him in Shawn’s arms.

Tears ran down her face as she cuddled the baby close. “Christopher Edward?” she asked.

“Whatever you want,” he replied. “I love the name.”

AND TWO HOURS later, after the first feeding and after the nurses had taken Christopher away so she could rest, Shawn still could hardly believe it. “Did you ever imagine we’d have a son, Eddie?”

He brushed back her hair and pressed his lips to the spot on her temple he’d just uncovered. “Never. You did an amazing job in there, by the way.”

“I don’t want to do it again.” Looking up at him, she said, “One day soon, one of us needs to get fixed. I can’t have five babies. I just can’t.”

He stilled. “Does that mean what I think it does? You want to get back together?”

“It does.” Her eyes languid, she gazed at him with such love that it took his breath away. “I don’t want to be without you, Eddie. I can make it on my own, but I don’t want to.”

“Do you remember what I said to you in the ambulance? I’ll never leave you again, Shawn. Never.” Softly he added, “I still love you, you know.”

“I still love you, too. I don’t think I ever stopped.”

Gently he kissed her, then at her invitation, sat on the side of the bed and carefully enfolded her in his arms. “You’re mine, Shawn, and I’m yours. We need to be together. For always.”

She cuddled close. “That’s good to hear. Being with you is where I want to be.”

It was good. It felt wonderful and good and right. They’d become a family again. In the most wonderful way imaginable.

Epilogue

“Hurry! You’re gonna be late!” Kit exclaimed, the shiny yellow streams of ribbons playing softly around her face as she flounced into the dressing room.

Shawn looked at her mom, who’d flown in a week ago and was already so settled in it seemed like she’d been in town for months. Standing a few feet behind her mother was Sharon.

Both looked amused.

Neither looked in a hurry to say anything.

Kit stomped forward and reached for her hand. “Mommy, come on!”

Dutifully, Shawn stood, but finally couldn’t help teasing her oldest daughter a bit. “They won’t start without me, honey.”

“Daddy’s real anxious. He told me to tell you to get a move on.”

Sharon hid her chuckle with a poorly executed cough.

“That boy never learns,” Bill murmured under his breath. “Go tell your daddy that your mommy will be there when she’s ready.”

But her oldest didn’t move. Nope, Kit just folded her arms over her chest and glared. “Are you ready?”

Shawn couldn’t pretend she wasn’t. “I am.” More softly she said, “Kit, tell Daddy I’ll be there in a sec—I just want to check my hair.”

“Your hair looks good.”

“Thank you, but I want to make sure. A woman doesn’t get married every day, you know.”

Her mother hugged Shawn. “You finish getting ready. Bill and I will walk Kit down.”

“Thanks.”

When they were alone, Sharon looked her over. “You look beautiful, you know. No woman ever looked lovelier.”

Shawn stood in front of the full-length mirror. Unlike eight years ago, she wasn’t wearing a long white satin wedding gown.

This time, she wore a tea-length pink dress.

The folds in the material didn’t accentuate a tiny waist. Instead, the portrait collar framed her shoulders, neck and face. The cap sleeves were cool, and the thick silk made her skin glow.

“I don’t look like I used to,” she said, turning a bit to her left.

“Do you really want to?”

That was a good question. Eight years ago she’d been tinier, but she hadn’t had five pregnancies. She hadn’t been a part of a wonderful second family.

She hadn’t been through a miscarriage or a divorce. She hadn’t almost lost Eddie, then realized just how much she loved him.

Eight years ago she hadn’t been the same person.

“If it means I’d have to give up everything I have, no, I wouldn’t want to look the same. No dress size is worth that.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow. “You really do look beautiful. And I imagine that Eddie is more than ready for you to appear. That man can only wait for so long.”

“I’m ready, too.”

They shared a smile as they left the dressing area, Sharon leading the way. A few women stood outside the sanctuary. With a wink in their direction, Sharon said, “I’ll go tell them we’re ready to begin.”

Within a minute, the organ blared. Sal opened the door. Then her two bridesmaids approached. After giving Shawn a quick gentle hug, Melanie walked down the aisle. Next, Ramona approached.

“I can’t believe I’m dressed up like this. I’m way too old to be a bridesmaid, Shawn,” Ramona said before disappearing through the doorway.

“No, you’re not,” Shawn whispered to her retreating form. “It’s never too late.”

The music rose to a crescendo, then changed to the ever familiar wedding march. Clasping the bouquet of roses orchids, and tulips her dad had left out for her, Shawn started down the aisle. Last time she’d been on her dad’s arm.

This time she was on her own.

Just like before, Eddie was waiting for her at the end. Just like before, he looked resplendent in a uniform.

Now he was a sergeant in the police force, not in the Army. But his expression was as filled with love as it had ever been.

Very slowly he scanned every inch of her, then he smiled.

She smiled back. And felt deliciously warm all over. She was about to be Mrs. Wagner all over again.

Even though some would say she’d never stopped.

Just as she approached the altar, Elsie called, “Mommy! It’s Mommy!”

She was firmly hushed by Mary, the little mother.

Next to Mary, Kit looked like an angel, sitting very properly in the first pew next to Sharon.

On the other side of the aisle, Shawn’s father was holding Christopher Edward Wagner. And he was gazing at that little baby with so much love it took her breath away.

Finally she stood next to Eddie. “I’m sorry about the wait,” she whispered, leaning in close. “I kept fussing with my hair.”

His lips twitched. “I didn’t mind. You look beautiful.”

“You think?”

“Oh, honey, I know so.”

The pastor cleared his throat. “Shawn and Eddie, are you ready to get married again?”

Eddie held out a hand. Shawn clasped it without hesitation. “We are.”

The pastor nodded. “Then let’s begin.”

As the minister spoke to the assembled audience about patience and love and trust, Shawn thought about new beginnings.

About being a family.

When she vowed to love Eddie Wagner all over again, Shawn thought about how hard it had been to be alone. And how glad she was that she was going to be a wife once more.

When Eddie slipped a shiny new gold band on her finger, Shawn remembered holding their newest child in her arms and Eddie making a different vow. Of promising never to leave her. Ever.

When the congregation clapped and Eddie pulled her in his arms and kissed her like they were twenty-two again, Shawn knew that this time nothing could break them apart.

And when cheers broke out and Mary, Kit and Elsie scampered forward, Kit holding her baby brother very carefully, Shawn knew everything was perfect.

Yes, it was a wonderful amazing moment. They’d just become a family again.

A family of six.

ISBN: 978-1-4268-4671-7

BABY MAKES SIX

Copyright © 2010 by Shelley Sabga.

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