The Creation According to the Trade Unions

IN THE BEGIINNING GOD CREATED THE HEAVEN AND THE EARTH. 
2. And darkness was upon the face of the deep; this was due to a malfunction at 
Lots Road Power Station. 
3. And God said, Let their be light; and there was light, but Eastern 
Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. 
4. And God saw the light and it was good; He saw the quarterly bill and that was 
not good; 
5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness He called night, and so passed 
His GCSE. 
6. And God said, let there be a firmament and God called the firmament heaven, 
Freephone 999. 
7. And God said, Let the waters be gathered together unto one place, and let dry 
land appear. And in London it went on the market at six hundred pounds a square 
foot. 
8. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth 
grass and the Rastafarians smoked it. 
9. And God said, Let there be lights in heaven to give light to the earth, and 
it was so, except in England where there was a heavy cloud and snow on high 
ground. 
10. And God said, Let the seas bring forth that that hath life, flooding the 
market with fish fingers, fishburgers and grade-three salmon. 
11. And God blessed them, saying, be fruitful, multiply, and fill he sea, and 
let fowl multiply on earth where Prince Charles and Prince Philip would shoot 
them. 
12. And God said, Let the earth bring forth cattle and creeping things, and 
there came cows, and the BBC Board of Governors. 
13. And God said, Let us make man in our own image, but woe many came out like 
Spitting Image. 
14. And He said, Let man have fish, fowl, cattle and every creepy thing that 
creepeth on the earth. 
15. And God said, Behold, I have given you the first of free yielding seed, to 
you this shall be meat, but to the EC it will be a Beef Mountain 
Chapter Two
ON THE SEVENTH DAY GOD ENDED HIS WORK, but Datsun of Coventry workers went on to 
time and a half, and God rested from all His work with complete backing from 
Arthur Scargill and the miners. 
2. God blessed the seventh day, as did all the Pakistani corner shops. 
3. Every plant, every herb was in the earth for the Good Lord had not caused it 
to rain; because of this Bob Geldof had to raise fifty million quid with Live 
Aid. 
4. And the Lord formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his 
nostrils the breath of life; it was done privately and not on the National 
Health. 
5. The Lord planted a Garden in Eden and there He put the man He had formed, and 
He sold the idea to the BBC as Gardeners' World. 
6. And out of the ground the Lord grew every tree that was pleasant to the 
sight, but He had not reckoned on the weather forecast from Michael Fish, and 
they were all blown down in the hurricane. 
7. And the Lord took man and put him in the Garden of Eden to dress it and to 
keep it, subject to compulsory purchase by Brent Council. 
8. The Lord God said of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but He 
was apprehended at the checkout and forced to pay. 
9. But of the tree of knowledge, thou shall not eat, or thou shall surely die, 
due to crop-spraying with DDT. 
10. And the Lord said, it is not good that man should be alone. He caused a deep 
sleep to fall on Adam, which the shop steward penalised him for during working 
hours, deducting a day's pay. The Lord took one of Adam's ribs, and made a woman 
and brought her unto the man, which immediately qualified for common law wife 
allowance. 
11. And they were both naked, the man and the wife, and were not ashamed. 
However, at Bow Street they were charged with indecency.