The Infinite Matrix | Michael Swanwick & Francisco Goya | The Sleep Of

Reason 54

03.20.03

the sleep of reason

by Michael Swanwick

with illustrations by

Francisco JosÉ de Goya y Lucientes

Click image to enlarge

Digital image © copyright

Davison Art Center,

Wesleyan University

DAC permission required

for any other use.

54. [Plate 28]

Elena's Little Secret

Men! Oh, those poor dears! They simply don't know. They haven't got a

clue.

Elena likes men. She really does. They're so very easy to crush. They

come on so strong and overbearing and pompous, and they crumple just like

tissue paper. Sometimes they weep, and Elena enjoys that too. But she

knows something about men that they'd never suspect, not in a million

years:

Men are every bit as smart as women.

It only makes sense! What possible evolutionary advantage could there be

in one sex being smarter than the other? Gender differences are minimal ?

women can have babies and men can write their names in the snow ? and

intelligence has nothing to do with them.

like swanwick?

like goya?

so do we.

keep 'em sparring!

send money.

More options on the Contributions page.

T H A N K S !

Yet when men and women get together, men consistently play the fool. This

is a commonly observed phenomenon. When a man leaves the company of women

they exchange scandalized whispers: "Did he really say... ever hear

such... must be an idiot." When a woman leaves the company of men,

however, they mutter under their breaths: "I didn't really say... what

was I... must think I'm an idiot."

There is a simple explanation. Elena occasionally demonstrates it to her

friends, for a lark. She puts on something flirtatious and goes looking

for a group of particularly intelligent men. One that is discussing

quantum string theory, perhaps, or the exact chronology of the great

vowel shift that occurred in the transition between Middle and Modern

English. Eyes flashing, they jab fingers at one another as they drive

home abstruse philosophical points.

But then they see Elena, and the blood all rushes from their heads to

their dicks. And their thoughts as well.

"Are those your brains in your pants?" she asks. "Or are you just happy

to see me?"

"Well, uh, heh-heh, you see..." they stammer. "Say, that's a nice, um,

dress you're wearing."

Elena flutters her lashes. "Oh, you clever things!" Anybody with a grain

of sense can see that she's mocking them. Anybody, that is, but a man.

She can keep this conversation going until every other woman in the room

is doubled over with suppressed laughter.

But men really are intelligent as women. This is Elena's secret, and

she's never told it to anybody. Except other women. But since they all

know it already, no harm is done.

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This is the 54th of 80 stories by Michael Swanwick written to accompany

Francisco Goya's Los Caprichos. For a listing of the most recently

available stories, go to The Sleep of Reason.

Eileen K. Gunn.

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