Michael Swanwick's Periodic Table of Science Fiction

Sulfur

32.064

Vitriol

Oil of vitriol is nothing but concentrated sulfuric acid. But, applied

lightly, it can blister the skin, and, when heated, it will eat its way

through steel. Loaded into a pen, it can be used to write reviews.

The terrorist organization known as the International Brotherhood of

Critics grades its vitriol from one to ten. Grade one vitriol is known

informally as "break-down-in-tears." Grade two is called

"punch-the-wall-and-kick-the-cat." And so on. Grade ten vitriol?he best

there is?is sometimes called "career-killer" and other times

"cause-for-suicide." So much depends on the skill with which it is

deployed!

Vitriol is distilled by the critics themselves from the embittered blood

of writers. A quick kill, therefore, produces a weak vitriol. It is for

this reason that a skilled critic will leaven his criticism with small

praise in order to keep his victims alive and suffering for as many years

as he can. It is for this reason that the critics refer to their

distillation as the Great Art.

The vitriol of London is very, very strong. Connoisseurs delight in the

vitriol of Paris. But for good old-fashioned ridding the world of talent,

there's just no beating the vitriol of New York.