Michael Swanwick's Periodic Table of Science Fiction

104

Rutherfordium

(261)

"Radioactive" B. Hayes

Rutherfordium was discovered by the multitalented physicist and

politician, Rutherford B. Hayes. Hayes was a successful Cincinnati lawyer

and researcher at the Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge. He achieved

early fame by representing defendants in runaway-slave cases, and by the

discovery of alpha and beta radiation.

It was while Hayes was working on a modern theory of radioactivity that

the Republican Party prevailed upon him to restore integrity to a

political system still reeling from the scandals of the Grant

Administration. The combination of his unblemished public record and his

impeccable bench skills swept "Old Radioactive," as the voters fondly

dubbed him, into the highest office in the land.

While president, perhaps inspired by his staunch advocacy of the gold

standard, Hayes conducted a series of experiments with alpha particles

and gold leaf that led to the development of his nuclear theory of the

atom. His discovery of the element named after him was incidental to this

research.

Rutherfordium is the only element ever to be discovered by a standing

American president. We shall say nothing of the shoddy and fraudulent

attempt by a certain chief executive to claim credit for "nixonium."

The End