Michael Swanwick's Periodic Table of Science Fiction

Gold

196.9665

Crown of Beauty

Is there anything so beautiful as a woman wearing gold? The delicate hues

of her skin contrasting with the boldness of the metal that is synonymous

with wealth ? It's as classic a combination as peanut butter and

chocolate. It makes a matron handsome and draws our mind to her wisdom

and experience. It renders a young woman sylphlike, and moves our

thoughts to places that make us blush.

Yet there are disadvantages to gold jewelry. It can be stolen. It can be

lost. It's soft and thus, even during those passionate moments when a

woman least desires distraction, must be tended to. Worst of all, it is

not Milady herself, but an accessory to her perfection. Which is to say

that whatever admiration it may draw does not belong entirely to her

alone.

That's where genetic engineering comes in.

Our new Natural Gold process lightly tweaks a woman's natural

bioprocesses to allow her to ingest molecular gold and then plate it out

on the surface of each hair. Because of gold's natural ductility, the

hair can then be plaited, braided, cut, or styled as easily as ordinary

non-precious hair can. A few milligrams of gold a year suffice to keep a

full head of hair lustrous and bright. It never tarnishes. It always

keeps its shape.

Natural Gold has been product-tested on thousands of volunteers in Paris,

Nairobi, Hong Kong, Moscow, and Rio de Janeiro?places synonymous with

romance and beautiful women! It has proven itself safe, non-toxic, and

easy to use.

Side effects include lovesickness, the singing of mournful songs under

balconies, giddiness, elation, despair, obsession, and in a few rare

cases, romantic suicide. However, since these side effects are confined

solely to their admirers, this is a price that women are prepared to

accept.

The End