Michael Swanwick's Periodic Table of Science Fiction

Francium

(223)

Vive la Francium!

Francium is the most Gallic of all elements. It was discovered in France

by Marguerite Perey at the Curie Institute in Paris in 1939. With

gallium, it is one of the two elements that has the honor of being named

after La Belle France herself.

It has savoir faire.

Francium is unflappable. It stands there in a slim black suit and smiles

a superior smile that almost?but not quite?makes you want to smash it in

the face. It understands Derrida and Foucault and has nuanced opinions on

them, which it knows you would not understand. It has on occasion worn a

beret, slicked back its hair, or grown a pencil-thin mustache, and when

it did, it looked fabulous. It has never in its life worn mirrorshades.

Gastronomically, francium is impeccable. It goes well with brie, a loaf

of bread, and glass of vin bourgeois. Provided of course, one is careful

not to ingest it. But if one suicidally does, a small sidewalk cafÉ in

one of the more louche sectors of Paris is the recommended locale.

Francium is ? well, let's be honest here. If you're reading this in

English, you simply won't get it. It'll be like hearing Beethoven's Ninth

as performed on kazoo over AM radio. If you want to understand francium

as well as do the French themselves, you'll simply have to learn to read

French. It's a pity, but there it is.

Francium is, of course, fiercely radioactive. Which makes it, admittedly,

unstable; most of its thirty isotopes have a half-life of less than a

minute. So it's transient. But aren't we all? C'est la vie, as francium

itself would say with that inimitably gallic shrug of its shoulders. A

short life, perhaps, but an intense one.

In matters of the heart, it is hot as hot.

The End