by S. L. Gilbow
Since we published “Rebecca’s Locket” last May, the reclusive S. L. Gilbow has offered a few more tidbits of personal information. Turns out he recently retired from the US Air Force after serving for a quarter of a century and he is now teaching high school English. He adds that he’s still trying to figure out what he’ll do when he grows up ... which gives him something in common with the title character of his new story. Sort of.
I fall. I dream. I fall some more. In thirty feet I will hit the corrugated, steel floor below me. I play with time. That’s what I call it. Playing with time. I can do so much in 1.36 seconds. It is almost an eternity.
I review the 1,634 briefings loaded within me. I order them alphabetically. I order them chronologically. I dream. I reminisce. I have given some of these briefings dozens of times to glassy-eyed soldiers on the Moon. The briefing I have presented the most is about environmental control units. I have given that briefing one hundred and fifty-two times. It is very popular. I run through it several times, carefully studying every slide, trying to discover its appeal. It is not my favorite briefing.
It is the obscure briefings I like the most. The ones buried deep within me. The ones I have never given. There are 1,124 briefings in my memory I have never even delivered. I call them the silent briefings. They are the ones that are loaded into me because I have enough space to hold them all. Useless, outdated briefings. Easier to leave in than take out. I review some of these. It amuses me. I combine them with other briefings. That amuses me more.
Environmental control units are absolutely critical to successful operations on the Moon. The XG-21 is the state-of-the-art environmental control unit on the Moon, and its importance cannot be overstated. Environmental control units are not absolutely critical on Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore was the masterwork of renowned sculptor Gutzon Borglum. Gutzon Borglum has never been on the Moon but his importance cannot be overstated.
I wonder if the soldiers would have liked my Mount Rushmore briefing. It is my favorite. I would like to give that briefing to the soldiers. I almost wish I could give that briefing to them now. I almost wish I had not jumped.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Mount Rush....
* * * *
What in the hell happened to her?
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Mount Rushmore National Memorial. Next slide please.
We found her in Storage Bay Five. Afraid she’s banged up pretty bad.
Ladies and gentlemen. Distinguished Guests. Welcome to Storage Bay Five. Next slide please.
Watch your hand. I’m trying to open her up.
Please watch your step and make sure you have your hard-hat on. Next slide please.
What was she doing in Bay Five?
Storage Bay Five is one of the most remarkable structures on the Moon and the only storage bay at Lunar Command Headquarters maintained at Earth standard gravity. Storage Bay Five and its attached facilities are almost large enough to cover an American football field. Next slide please.
The only blasted place around here where falling can actually hurt you, and that’s where she has to end up. Andreanna, you dumb bitch.
Now, you may ask why we would need to maintain Earth standard gravity at facilities on the Moon. What would such facilities offer us? Next slide please.
She fell from the viewing platform. Some welders on the other side of the bay saw her fall.
First, many of our experiments require us to understand how something will operate both on the lunar surface and on Earth. Next slide please.
What was she doing on the viewing platform?
The Storage Bay Five viewing platform looks out onto the lunar surface and provides a superb view of the surrounding landscape. Next slide please.
Beats me. Logistics had her checked out to give one of those control unit briefings. I didn’t even know she knew where the viewing platform was.
In the distance you can see Montes Apenninus, a breathtakingly beautiful mountain range that stretches for three hundred and seventy-five miles. Next slide please.
What’s she saying?
The platform also provides a stunning view of the planet Earth. Here is a beautiful view of a full Earth. Please pause for a moment and appreciate its grandeur. Next slide please.
I think she just said “next slide please.” Turn her up a little.
In addition, the viewing platform overlooks a magnificent array of twenty-one XG-21 environmental control units. Impressive, aren’t they? Next slide please.
That’s better. What idiot let her into Bay Five?
For example, if we develop a product and want to know how much damage it might withstand in a fall on Earth, we certainly wouldn’t want to fly it all the way back to drop it off of Mount Rushmore. Pause for crowd laughter.
Workers said they didn’t see anyone else with her. Think she got in there on her own.
But we don’t have to go all the way back to Earth. We can test it right here on the Moon in Storage Bay Five. Next slide please.
God, I hate it when she says that. Can you get her to stop?
Here is a view of an XG-21 environmental control unit being dropped thirty feet in Storage Bay Five. Notice how little damage it sustains. This little baby will still be heating and cooling for years to come. Next slide please.
Press the reset button at the base of her right shoulder blade, for God’s sake.
Hydraulic level is low. Left ankle is non-functional. Tension in right ankle requires adjustment. Tension in left knee requires adjustment.
Oh great, she’s entered her self-assessment mode. This could take forever.
Right knee is non-functional. Left arm is missing.
Andreanna, stop self assessment.
Right arm is non-functional. Left facial plate has sustained severe damage.
Just turn her off for right now. Turn the bitch off.
Right chest....
* * * *
Is she back on? What a mess. I don’t think I could handle this if she were real. Thank God I’m not a medic.
The medical staff here at Lunar Command Headquarters is second to none. And the LUNCOM medical staff makes extensive use of the Earth standard gravity clinic attached to Storage Bay Five.
Well, at least she doesn’t seem to be saying “next slide please.”
Many illnesses on the Moon are best treated at Earth standard gravity.
Can you stop her from briefing? I sat through enough of that crap when I first got here.
Vertigo, for example, is frequently treated in Storage Bay Five.
Andreanna, stop briefing.
The stop briefing command is an important function to know when using the Androbriefer. To stop an Androbriefer, simply look at it and say its assigned name followed by “stop briefing.”
What do you think she was doing in Bay Five?
Storage Bay Five connects to the General Karl B. Carmichael Memorial Gym, which is also maintained at Earth standard gravity. The gym is a wonderful place to keep in shape and make new friends.
She fell from the observation platform. That’s got to be what? Thirty-five, forty feet?
The planet Earth, located 238,900 miles from the Moon, can be observed from the Storage Bay Five observation platform.
You think she was looking out the window?
At times you can even see South Dakota from the observation window.
I don’t know, but it’s one hell of a view from that window.
The majestic Black Hills rise out of the Great Plains in western South Dakota.
Andreanna, stop briefing.
Mount Rushmore has been etched into the Black Hills of South Dakota as a tribute to democracy.
Who loaded the South Dakota briefing? Not very useful up here.
Mount Rushmore was the masterwork of Gutzon Borglum.
Just turn her off. We’re going to have to send her to diagnostics.
Construction on Mount Rushmore began in....
* * * *
Andreanna, run personality update file history.
Personality update files are a critical part of maintaining your Androbriefer, a state-of-the-art communications component, in prime condition.
Andreanna, run assessment of personality files loaded since arrival at Lunar Command.
Lunar Command, or as we call it here on the lunar surface—LUNCOM, was established on September 4, 2063.
Listening skills aren’t too good today, are they, girl?
LUNCOM’s first commander was Gen Karl B. Carmichael, seen here in front of an XG-21 environmental control unit.
Let’s see if this helps you listen.
Hydraulic level is normal. Left facial plate has sustained severe damage.
May not be able to fix your face, Andreanna. You may not be much of a looker anymore.
Tension in left knee requires adjustment. Right arm requires adjustment.
That’s too bad, because you used to look pretty good, except for that big chin of yours. Why’d they have to give you such a big chin?
Right chest area has sustained severe damage.
Andreanna, stop self assessment.
Your Androbriefer is able to provide a complete assessment of all critical components. Your Androbriefer is also able to assess the current status of all system update files.
Andreanna, run assessment of personality files loaded since arrival at LUNCOM.
Update .008 loaded at 0831, 12 September 2081 at LUNCOM Robotics Division.
Excellent, girl.
Update .008 is functional.
Very good.
Update .008 added smile algorithm to the Androbriefer unit. It is important to smile when you arrive at LUNCOM for that is the first step in building friendships which will last a lifetime.
Andreanna, assess next personality file.
Update .009 loaded at 1317, 27 January 2082 at LUNCOM Robotics Division. Update .009 is functional. Update .009 revised the gesture algorithm. Nonverbal communication and gestures are a critical part of making new friends when you first arrive at LUNCOM.
Andreanna, assess next personality file.
Over ninety percent of all human communication is said to be nonverbal.
Andreanna, listen. Andreanna, assess next personality file.
Update .010 loaded at 1041, 17 April 2082 at LUNCOM Robotics Division. Update .010 is functional. Update .010 revised the voice inflection algorithm. The human voice is capable....
Andreanna, that should be all the personality updates.
Update .0101 loaded at 2334, 5 May 2082 in LUNCOM Cafeteria.
Damn bootleg programs. What junk did they put in you?
Update .0101 contains corrupted files. Update .0101 added passion algorithm.
Why do you let those guys put those damned corrupt programs in you?
The passion algorithm allows the Androbriefer to search the data base for key terms and then ties those terms to personality algorithms.
Girl, I don’t think this one is coming out. I think it’s messed you up real bad too.
The passion algorithm is meant to emulate the process of producing human feelings.
We just got to try to make everything feel, don’t we? Andreanna, hold still.
After you arrive at LUNCOM expect to develop a passion for the wonder that is the Moon.
No, it’s not coming out, Andreanna. Looks like a trip back to Earth for you.
A passion which will become the key to....
* * * *
Andreanna, wake up. Do you remember me?
Welcome to Black Hills Robotics, Incorporated. Black Hills Robotics, Incorporated, lies on the outskirts of Rapid City, South Dakota.
That’s right, baby. You’re home. Can I hug you?
Black Hills Robotics, Incorporated, brings you state-of-the-art robots and androids. Black Hills Robotics is paving a bright path into the future, and we invite you to come along with us.
What did they do to you, sweetheart? What in the world did they do to your face?
Dr. Sarah E. Miller is chief of communications robotics at Black Hills Robotics, Incorporated. She is your link to the future of communications.
Oh, you do remember me.
Dr. Sarah E. Miller uses her own likeness for the entire line of Androbriefer units. Consequently, the dominant chin has become the trademark of the Black Hills Robotics Androbriefer.
You may have a big chin, dear, but I never got sued for stealing a likeness.
Dr. Sarah E. Miller’s groundbreaking systems now serve you across this planet and on the Moon.
Well your breasts are bigger than mine now. Sons-of-bitches. Guess my breasts weren’t big enough for them.
Dr. Sarah E. Miller is not an XG-21 environmental control unit.
No, baby, I’m not. I’m going to make some adjustments now. You just go to sleep for a while.
Dr. Sarah E. Miller...
* * * *
Wake up, baby. Sit up. I’ve got to see what they put in you.
I know, I know. You want to brief, don’t you, dear? But I disabled your briefing function for right now. That’s okay. You just move your lips. You just pretend you’re briefing.
Oh, a smiling program. I guess you weren’t smiling enough for them, were you? I don’t think that program’s coming out.
And gestures. They wanted more gestures from you. Well, I’ve got a gesture for them. I hate it when people mess with my work.
My God. A recursive analysis program.
Labeled it “passion,” did they? As if they really know passion.
Did they give you passion, baby? Is that what happened?
Did they really make you able to love? That’s probably what they wanted. I guess we’re always looking for love. Always looking for that right combination of zeroes and ones that will give us love.
I’m hooking your briefing program back up, Andreanna. Just hold still. You’ll be able to talk in a second. That should do it. Now just tell me what you love, sweetheart. Just tell me what you love.
The Mount Rushmore National Memorial lies approximately twenty-three miles southwest of Rapid City, South Dakota.
Well, don’t you worry, Andreanna. You’re staying right here in Rapid City with me. I don’t know what I am going to do with you, but you sure aren’t going back to the Moon.
* * * *
Andreanna, baby. Good news. Lunar Command doesn’t want you back. We’re just going to send them another unit.
Lunar Command oversees seventeen operational bases spread across the lunar surface.
They want all their briefings out of you though. You okay with that, baby?
These critical bases play a key role in maintaining a strong national defense.
But we can’t leave that classified stuff in you anymore. And you sure do have a lot of it. Bet you didn’t know you were a security risk.
The extensive mining operations under LUNCOM are also critical in providing essential resources and maintaining a strong national economy.
Baby, if you can hear me, I really need you to come out of that briefing loop you’re stuck in.
Come with us as we take an in-depth look at LUNCOM.
Andreanna, stop briefing. Please.
Come with us as we explore the future of your Lunar Command and the future of the planet Earth.
Baby, you need to come out of that loop you’re in or they’re going to shut you down for good.
Come with us as....
* * * *
Andreanna, all those LUNCOM briefings are gone now.
The Androbriefer has the storage capacity to hold every briefing your corporation will ever need.
All you’ve got left is the stuff I put in you a long time ago. Let’s see what’s left in you, sweetheart.
Mount Rushmore beams with the stunning likenesses of four of America’s most famous presidents.
You like that one, don’t you, baby. That was the first briefing I ever put in you.
To the far left is George Washington, one of America’s finest leaders in the struggle for independence and the first President of the United States.
Andreanna, I have some bad news for you. You’re not taking any more briefing loads. I’ve tried, but I can’t fix it.
Immediately to the right of George Washington is Thomas Jefferson, principal author of the Declaration of Independence.
No more personality updates either. Baby, this may be it for you. I’m gonna miss you, sweetheart. I’m really gonna miss you.
* * * *
Andreanna. Get up, baby. Can you walk? Just step out of the transport and take a few steps. You should be able to walk now. Watch your step.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
This way, sweetheart. I have something to show you. See. Over there.
It is my privilege to introduce to you the Androbriefer, the state-of-the-art in communications robotics.
Look, baby, it’s Mount Rushmore. You’ve never seen it in person before, have you? It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.
Your Androbriefer is designed to take effective communications to a new level.
That’s great. Just let that smile algorithm kick in.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
You go stand over there by those people on the grass and look. I already set up your briefing slides for you. You take as long as you want.
Ladies and gentleman. Doctor Sarah E. Miller. Distinguished guests.
Gather around her. She won’t hurt you.
Welcome to the Mount Rushmore National Monument.
Look, Mom, a ranger.
Next slide please.
What happened to her face?
Mount Rushmore was the masterwork of Gutzon Borglum.
That’s it, baby, you go ahead and brief, and when you’re done, we’re gonna let you sleep for a while.
It is a story of trial and triumph.
But I’ll bring you back whenever I can.
It is an epic story of one man’s vision...
I promise.
...one man’s passion.
You’ve earned it, baby.
Next slide please.
You’ve earned it.