"Nick, Dr. Carmichael wants to speak with you."

Internal Affairs Detective Nick Sorenson grimaced and took a sip of his strong coffee. He had a raging bitch of a headache and the last thing he wanted to do was talk to a pain in the ass like Carmichael. He turned away from the report he'd been inputting on his desktop computer to face Jessica Lewis, the perky blonde who'd stopped by to deliver the news.

"Tell him I'll call him back."

Jessica grinned. "Sorry, but he's not on the phone this time. Says he's tired of you avoiding him. He's waiting in conference room one."

"Fuck." He ran his fingers through his hair. "What about Kent? Can't he talk to him?"

"Maybe, but he insists on talking only to you."

Nick eyed her. "You're enjoying this far too much."

"Better you than me." She placed a mug of coffee on his desk. "Bring him this. Coffee with cream and sugar. Just like he demanded...er...asked."

"How long has he been waiting?"

"Only a few minutes."

Nick was tempted to make him wait some more. Just to be an ass. Carmichael would deserve it. Too bad it would make him just as bad as the man. He pushed away from his desk and stood.

He grabbed both mugs of coffee and headed down the hallway toward the conference room. Ray Carmichael had been calling all week to talk about what he called the "Axis of Evil" in the "corrupt" Los Angeles Police Department. Nick had been happily ignoring the outspoken doctor.

With his hands full, Nick kicked the closed door.

"Come in," a voice said from within.

Gritting his teeth, Nick called through the door, "I have my hands full, could you open the damn door?"

After a few seconds, the door opened. Dr. Ray Carmichael stood just inside the room.

Nick instantly recognized the good-looking African American man from the television interviews he'd done. He would guess Dr. Carmichael was probably in his mid-thirties. He had closed-cropped black hair and thin wire-framed glasses. About six-foot-three. Rather than being particularly muscular, he appeared trim and fit. The picture of health. Like a doctor, Nick supposed. A wealthy one if the tailored navy suit he wore was any indication.

"Here." Nick thrust the mug of coffee into the man's hand.

"Detective Sorenson I presume?"

Nick sighed and set his own cup down on the table. "Yeah."

"At last." Carmichael nodded.

"Have a seat." Nick indicated the seat the man had obviously occupied before he'd opened the door. An open laptop computer had been placed on the table. "Look, there was no reason to come into the station."

Dr. Carmichael sat down and gave Nick a superior smile. "On the contrary, detective. I found myself tired of your avoidance tactics."

Nick cleared his throat and took the seat across from him. "I wasn't avoiding you. I'm a busy man."

"So am I, detective. I know when I'm being purposely ignored." His eyebrows rose behind the glasses. "I shouldn't expect anything different from the LAPD."

Nick rubbed his temples. He held onto his patience by a thread. The man might be hot and gay, at least according to the interviews Nick had seen and read, but the bastard was running for political office claiming he would clean up the police department. Nick didn't think the department had that many problems anymore. The way Dr. Carmichael spoke of the police, every single officer was on the take, racist, or an animal. Maybe all three. Tell that to his stupid cock. It was half hard.

For God's sake, the good doc might be gay, but so what? Nick didn't have to be attracted to every gay man out there. Geez.

"If you prefer to speak to my captain, Dr. Carmichael, I'm sure I can find out his schedule and--"

"I don't need to speak to your captain. You're the detective in charge of my brother's case, aren't you?" Carmichael reached for the laptop and pressed a button. "I intend to make notes."

"I really cannot discuss the investigation with you, Dr. Carmichael." Nick understood the urge to take care of a younger brother. He'd do anything for his little brother, Caleb.

"Ray."

Nick blinked and stared at Carmichael who wasn't currently looking at him. He seemed engrossed in the computer screen. As though he hadn't dropped his voice to a low and seductive timbre. Okay, he must be imagining that.

He shifted in his chair and was tempted to pour his coffee in his own lap. Burn the arousal right off.

"Okay, Ray. The investigation into the alleged beating of your brother is ongoing and--"

"There was no alleged beating." Carmichael had now turned his dark gaze away from the computer and it was now focused fully on Nick. Sparks of anger practically shot from those chocolate eyes. "My brother was beaten, detective."

"Nick," he heard himself say. Hated himself for it, too.

Ray's eyes flared with awareness ever so slightly. If he hadn't been staring so hard at the man, Nick might not have even seen the subtle awareness.

He's attracted to me.

"What I meant is the alleged beating by officers of the LAPD. I realize your brother was beaten and I sincerely hope he is doing well."

Ray's brother, Devon, had been driving in South Central Los Angeles in the early hours one summer morning when he'd been pulled over by a patrol car. Devon ended up severely beaten and in the hospital.

"The incident was videotaped, Nick," Ray said softly. "There is nothing alleged about it. There is nothing to be investigated. I want to know what the police department is going to do about it."

"The officers have been suspended."

Ray snorted derisively. "With pay."

"That's not my decision. Ray, I sympathize with you and your family, but the investigation is not complete."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

Ray closed the laptop, his lips thinned. "You don't sympathize with my family. Your sympathies are with the corrupt police department. All cops are alike. All dirty. Every one of you."

Anger flashed through Nick, but he tried to push it away. He'd learned the hard way anger didn't solve anything.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I can assure you that I'm doing a thorough investigation into this matter. If you would like to have someone else assigned to the case, I'm sure I can have my captain call you."

There was a hesitant tap on the door just before it opened a fraction.

"Sorry to interrupt, Nick," Jessica said. "I just need a moment of your time."

"Be right there." He glanced at Ray. "Sorry, I'll be just a minute."

Ray waved his hand but did not respond. With a shrug, Nick left to see what the crisis was.

He should not be checking out the man's ass. But damn, Nick Sorenson was a fine looking man. Not that he was Ray's type.

Ray had dated white guys before. Generally they looked like stock brokers or models for GQ. They definitely did not wear faded ass-hugging jeans, Led Zeppelin T-shirts with coffee stains, and a five o'clock shadow. Not to mention a tattoo peeking out from the short sleeve of that same T-shirt and a gold hoop earring.

Usual type or not, Ray found the sandy-haired, blue-eyed detective absurdly attractive. He did not normally find muscle-men sexy, yet the defined biceps of Nick's arms had drawn his attention several times during their brief conversation.

He's probably not even gay.

True he saw no wedding ring and he had the hoop, but that didn't mean he was gay. Lots of straight guys had earrings. Hell, he was gay and he wore no such adornment. Even still, he couldn't stop picturing Nick naked. He shifted in the seat to relieve the pressure of his hardening cock. It would be a fine thing for Sorenson to come in and see his boner. He snatched up a file he'd brought with him and covered his lap. Probably too obvious that's what he was doing.

Ray tried to remind himself the man was a cop and therefore the enemy. Cops beat his younger brother nearly to death just for being black. Devon was no criminal. Their father, before his retirement, had been a minister and their mother an executive at a bank. They'd been raised in a hard working middle-class family with values. Ray had worked his way through medical school to become a well-respected neurologist. Devon owned his own restaurant. Yet the color of their skin made them automatically suspects in the corrupt LAPD.

Even now Nick Sorenson tried to deny the culpability of the cops who'd beaten Devon. Next he supposed they'd claim Devon beat himself. No way. He would hire the best lawyers in Los Angeles if necessary. With his intent to run in the upcoming city council elections, Ray had wanted to handle the matter himself. He might have to change his mind.

The door opened and Nick entered again. He ran his long fingers through his wild, somewhat spiky sandy hair. Ray's gaze went to the man's full sensuous lips that boasted a slightly twisted smile.

"Sorry about that, Dr. Carmichael."

So now they were back to formality, Ray noted. He tapped his fingers on the conference table. Earlier he thought he'd detected a hint of interest in those cerulean blue eyes. Now, however, Nick looked like he was back to business. A pity.

Nick sat down. "Look, like I said before, I can't really give any details, but I assure you we'll be in touch with your family very soon."

Trying to push aside overwhelming disappointment at being so thoroughly dismissed, Ray shook his head and picked up his laptop and papers he'd brought with him. He didn't know what he'd expected. The cops would always cover for each other.

"Very well, detective. I will be calling you later this week."

Nick nodded. "You're certainly welcome to do that."

"And I'm sure you will be conveniently out to my call." Ray sighed, frustrated, and stood. His irritation at getting no answers had taken care of his erection at least. Too bad he still found the damn detective so appealing.

Nick stood, too, and was only an inch or two away from Ray. "No, I'm sorry about that. I'll be around. Really."

He could smell the detective's arousal. Damn. His own cock perked up again in reaction. They were so close he could grope the detective through his jeans. He wouldn't, of course.

Ray didn't like to mix dating with business. He'd have to get over his attraction to Nick. The last thing he ought to be doing was ogling the guy covering for his brother's attackers, anyway. Only, he didn't want to forget his attraction to Nick.

"You, uh, married, detective?" Ray heard himself ask. Smooth, Ray.

Nick blinked rapidly and stared at him. "Excuse me?"

Ah, hell, he'd started it now. "Married? I don't see a ring."

"No."

Was it his imagination or had Nick's cheeks turned a light shade of pink? Man, that was sexy. While Ray wasn't shy, he didn't know how exactly to ask Nick about his sexual preferences.

"Girlfriend?"

The light pink darkened to a red. "Um, n-no. Well, I'm, that is," Nick broke off and opened the door of the conference room. "Do you need help finding your way out of the station?"

Ray smiled. "No, I know the way. See you, Nick."

Nick stared at him, his tongue darting out to trace his bottom lip. He nodded. "Yeah."

Ray walked out of the police station to his car, aware of the glares he received from most of the cops he passed on the way. He supposed they all must know who he was by now. He'd appeared with his brother on television after the beatings and of course in interviews about his candidacy.

But now he had a new dilemma. It was probably crazy, but he didn't want Nick Sorenson investigating the beating of his brother. He'd spend far too much time admiring the man's ass and wanting to kick it at the same time when he stonewalled Devon's case. That sealed things for him. He would have to talk to Kent, Nick's captain. Ray never mixed business with pleasure and he would be way too distracted. Of course, if Nick weren't on the case there could be other possibilities.

That afternoon Nick had just come back from lunch when Captain Alex Kent poked his head out of his office.

"Sorenson, in my office now."

Nick frowned and set the fresh mug of coffee he'd just poured from the station coffeemaker on his desk. He glanced at Jessica sitting at her nearby desk.

"What's up?"

"I dunno. Just got back myself."

Nick walked down the aisle to the captain's office, wondering at the sharp tone in Kent's voice. Shrugging, he knocked.

"Yeah?"

Nick opened the door and stepped into the cubicle sized office. "You wanted to see me, captain?"

"Yeah. You're off the Carmichael case."

A heavy pit formed in Nick's stomach. "I'm what? Why?"

Captain Kent, an aging bald man with dark piercing eyes, raised an eyebrow. "This case has controversy all over it, Sorenson. I'd think you'd be happy to be taken off."

"No one likes to be taken off a case, sir."

Kent nodded. "Maybe. Anyway, the case will be handled by Johnson."

Nick wondered if his being white and Johnson being black had anything to do with the change. He grimaced. "Did Dr. Carmichael request this change by any chance, captain?"

Kent crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, staring at Nick for a moment. Finally he shrugged. "Yeah. He said he doesn't trust us to investigate it fairly, but if he has to have cops investigating cops he would prefer an African American investigator. He said it was nothing personal against you."

"Sure. Bastard," Nick said angrily. "I didn't give him the platitudes he wanted so he had me removed."

"Whatever. You've got plenty of other cases, Nick. Be grateful you've got one less headache. I want a report on the alleged marijuana use in the valley division on my desk by Friday. Now get out of my office."

"Yes, sir."

His desk phone rang at five-thirty that night. He'd just been considering going home. He stared at it wondering if maybe he should ignore it.

He picked it up. "Sorenson."

"Nick, it's Ray Carmichael." The rich, deep, sultry tone was back. A shiver went up Nick's spine. His balls tightened. Fucking bastard.

"I'm not on your brother's case anymore, Dr. Carmichael." You shit, you got me removed.

"Ray. I know, that's why I'm calling."

"Hmm?" Nick frowned into the phone.

"I wanted to tell you why I wanted you off the case, Nick."

Nick plopped his legs on his desk and crossed them at his ankles. "I know why. Captain Kent said you wanted a black detective."

"That's what I told him, yes. It seemed easier to tell him what he would have expected to hear. But that's not why."

"What is the reason then? I didn't give you the answers you wanted?"

"No, although, you didn't. You spent more time avoiding me than just giving me simple answers."

Nick opened his mouth to retort but Ray cut him off.

"Anyway, the truth is...I wanted to see you socially."

Nick's jaw dropped. He straightened instantly in his chair. "You...you what?"

"I hope I'm not way off base here, Nick. I sensed you were physically attracted to me this morning. If I'm wrong I'd like to know."

Fuck. His erection pressed against his jeans. He glanced around the station, certain the remaining detectives knew. No one glanced his way.

Nick licked his lips and lowered his voice. "Dr. Carmichael--"

"Ray."

He closed his eyes, feeling his cheeks heat. "I...yes. Yes, I am attracted to you."

A low, throaty chuckle sent electric jolts through his hard cock. "Excellent. I'd hate to be the only one interested. I'm unable to mix business with pleasure. It's unethical. That's why I asked Captain Kent to remove you from Devon's case. I'd like to see you. Are you free for dinner?"

His mouth went dry. "Tonight?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

"Well...no." Okay, this was a first for him. No one involved in a case had ever asked him out. He wasn't even sure if it was a good idea. Of course, he was off the case, so maybe.

"Good. I'm a fairly decent cook. I'd like to make you dinner. I'll give you directions to my home in Bel Air."

Nick swallowed, stared at the phone receiver. His own apartment was in Van Nuys, for crying out loud. And a dump. He knew Ray was well-off, but...Bel fucking Air?

"Nick?"

"Okay." Nick ran his fingers over his stubbled jaw. "Uh, Ray?"

"Yes?"

"We have nothing in common. We're completely different. I drive an old run-down Ford Pinto." Nick winced, briefly wondering what Ray's Bel Air neighbors would think when the Pinto rattled into their hood.

The same low, throaty sexy-as-hell chuckle rumbled from the phone. "What can I say, Nick? Opposites attract."

Nick's Pinto sputtered to a stop on the long winding driveway leading to Ray Carmichael's house. Mansion. The place was freaking huge. It was Spanish Mission style and had a million rooms. Okay, so he couldn't really tell how many rooms it had, but it was two stories with a tiled red roof, and Nick was pretty sure his own dive would fit in the man's garage.

He tapped his fingers against his steering wheel and wondered if this wasn't a really stupid idea. What did he have in common with Ray? Both of them being gay certainly wasn't enough. According to all those online dating programs you were supposed to have all kinds of shit in common with your soul mate. Okay, not that he thought Ray could or would be his soul mate. He was so getting ahead of himself.

The double front doors swung open and Ray walked outside. He was dressed in gray dress slacks that fit across his ass so well they might have been tailored for him. And most likely were. Across his muscular chest he wore a pressed white dress shirt open at the throat to expose a smattering of black hair.

He smiled in welcome, but his smile faded as he glanced at the gold-colored Pinto. "Is that thing leaking oil on my driveway?"

Nick winced, but got out of the car. "Um, no. Well, I don't think so anyway."

Ray eyed the Pinto suspiciously.

"I can move it to the street if you'd rather," Nick offered.

"No," Ray said, after a lengthy silence. "Come on in, Nick. I've just started dinner."

Ray gestured for him to precede him into the house.

Nick felt pretty underdressed. Hell, he just went straight from work so he wore the same ratty jeans and stained rock T-shirt he'd worn earlier. There was a mirror immediately to the right of Ray's front hall and Nick found himself looking straight at his reflection. Damn, he hadn't even combed his hair.

He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through the rumpled mess. He glanced down at the intricate tile floor, then at his own battered sneakers.

"What do you think of my house?"

"Great. Nice."

Directly in front of the hall was a winding staircase. Apparently medical school paid off. A lot more than a mere cop's salary.

Ray smiled. "I'll give you a tour later. For now, come on."

Nick followed Ray down a long hallway lined with hardwood floors. He turned right and they entered a large room with a red leather couch and a couple of chairs in front of a fireplace.

Next to that room was a dining room with a round table and chairs and then the kitchen after that. These three rooms could have held two of his apartments.

"Have a seat." Ray indicated one of the easy chairs. "What would you care to drink? Chardonnay? Pinot Noir?"

Nick brushed off the seat of his pants and plopped down. "A beer?"

Ray frowned. "A beer? I don't have any beer."

"Oh. Um, well sorry. I'm not really into wine."

Ray folded his muscular arms across his chest. Nick bit his lip, admiring the man's physique. He really was hot.

"How about a soda?"

"No, I don't really like that either."

Ray raised an eyebrow. "Juice? Scotch? Vodka?"

Nick shook his head. "No, sorry. Water?"

"We'll get you some beer."

"No, that's all right. I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's no trouble," Ray assured him. "Harold!"

A tall thin older man with a crooked nose and a neatly trimmed gray beard appeared from the direction of the kitchen. "Yes?"

"Go to the market and get Nick some beer, will you?" Ray glanced at Nick. "Brand?"

"Oh anything."

Ray rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that. Tell Harold what you like and he'll get it."

Nick wondered who Harold was. Did Ray have a live-in lover already? Did he misunderstand what tonight was about, or did Ray plan on some sort of threesome? He definitely wasn't into that.

"Budweiser would be great."

Harold nodded and disappeared into the kitchen once more.

Ray went to a small bar and poured himself a glass of red wine. He walked over to the other chair and sat down. "It's going to be a while before dinner is ready."

"What are we having?" Nick was afraid it was going to be something he really wasn't into like sushi or something trendy like that. He'd have to eat it to be polite.

"Filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, steamed green beans and salad. Harold is making baked Alaska for dessert."

Nick's stomach growled in appreciation. It all sounded way better than he expected. Definitely better than his usual diet of salads and frozen dinners. He cleared his throat. "Um, about Harold."

Ray leaned back in the chair and took a healthy sip of his wine. "What about him?"

Nick felt his ears and neck heat. Great. His damn fair skin. "Well, I just wondered, you know, what he is."

"What he is? I don't follow you."

Nick gritted his teeth, feeling like a gigantic ass. "I mean, is he your boyfriend or what?"

Ray laughed. "My boyfriend? No. I did tell you I was attracted to you. Do you think I would have invited you to my home for dinner so I could show the young stud I was interested in to my boyfriend?"

"Well, maybe." Nick grinned at being referred to as a young stud. "I don't know. Maybe you're into threesomes or something."

Ray's lips twitched. "I am not into threesomes. In any event, Harold has been married to his wife for over thirty years. She is my housekeeper. They are both in my employ. This is a large house with extensive grounds. I employ a staff to care for it, Nick. I have a busy, active live with work and politics and dating. I don't have time to handle everyday duties."

"Okay."

Ray set his wine glass down on a side table and rose. "I need to check on dinner. I'll be back in a moment."

"This is really good," Nick said.

Ray's gaze followed Nick's tongue as it darted out to lick the corner of his mouth. It put wicked thoughts in Ray's head. Thoughts of where that tongue could go. Oddly enough, Ray found himself liking the man. There was no way to deny Nick's sexiness. He didn't know any gay man who wouldn't want to get into Nick's pants. Or straight women for that matter. He'd asked Nick out simply because he wanted to have sex with him. He hadn't expected to like him, given their recent association, but, strangely, Ray did.

"Glad you like it. The marinade is my dad's recipe." Ray sliced another piece of steak from the filet on his plate. "My dad loves to cook. I think that's where Devon got it. He went to culinary school, you know."

"Devon?"

"Yes."

"No, I didn't know that."

Ray nodded and took a sip of his wine. "And he also took restaurant and hotel management courses. Since he was a boy his dream was to own a restaurant."

"How's he doing? Since...since--" Nick blushed and ducked his head, seeming to be very interested in his food.

"Since the cops beat him?" Ray let his anger seep in for a moment. "He's doing better. Still only able to work part days at the restaurant though. He gets tired very easily."

Nick toyed with his potatoes, still not looking up. Ray noticed he blushed a lot. It was very attractive, actually. He didn't know why, but the spots of red on Nick's pale cheeks were a real turn-on. Hell, the whole man was hot. Ray couldn't remember being this attracted to a guy so fast in a long time. A guy so obviously different from him.

The truth was, when Ray thought of whom he'd live happily-ever-after with, if that notion was actually real, he supposed he'd end up with another black man. His dates with white men were generally about sex and not much else. Most were curious to find out if black men were as well hung as the rumors said. Anyway, Ray ended things pretty quick with these sorts once they'd had their physical fill. He'd not been that curious to get to know them better.

Nick, though, seemed different somehow. He couldn't put his finger on it exactly. He definitely picked up on vulnerability in Nick, so maybe that was it. Ray liked to come to the rescue. He certainly couldn't deny his cock had been half-hard all day. Actually just now as he sat across from Nick he was fully hard. His erection had been pressing against his slacks all through dinner. He shifted a little in his chair.

"So, why did you become a cop?" Ray broke the silence.

"Because I was saved by a police officer," Nick said, his voice soft.

"Saved by one? What do you mean?"

Nick toyed with his beer, his gaze distant. "I was a troubled kid. My father left my mom when I was seven. We didn't have a lot of money. With three kids and a drug habit, she couldn't keep it together very well. We lived on welfare and whatever money she got from her latest boyfriend or trick she turned."

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Nick." Ray reached across the table and without thinking covered the other man's hand with his.

"Yeah. Anyway, I was pretty much in and out of trouble growing up. With no supervision I guess it's not that surprising. I joined a gang, stole a car. Ended up in juvie." Nick shrugged. "That's when I got put in the Big Brother program. My Big Brother was a police officer. He turned my life around. My record was expunged. He vouched for me when I wanted to join the force. Not sure they would have taken me otherwise."

"Wow, I had no idea," Ray admitted. He knew Nick hadn't come from the same background as he had come from, but he hadn't imagined Nick being involved in criminal activity. He'd assumed Nick had a lower middle-class lifestyle.

Nick's smile was grim. "Yeah. To be honest, I wanted to work with gangs and troubled youth myself."

"Then why are you with Internal Affairs?"

"It was where the advancement opportunities were for me at the time. But I'd still like to do it someday."

"Then you definitely should," Ray said. "What happened to the cop who was your Big Brother?"

Nick downed the rest of his beer, tilting his head back, his Adam's apple sliding down his throat as he swallowed. He set the bottle aside. "He died in the line of duty. He was shot by a gang member in South Central."

"That's really sad."

He nodded. "Depressing subject. This food is great, though. I can't remember last time I had a real meal with meat and veggies and stuff."

"Don't tell me you eat a lot of fast food. As a physician, I'll have to give you a big lecture." Though judging by the way that stained T-shirt clung to Nick, he had not an ounce of fat on him.

Nick blushed again. "Well, not always. Sometimes I heat frozen food. I'm not much of a cook, honestly. I can grill fish. Anyway, I'm surprised you eat red meat being a doctor and all. Isn't that taboo?"

"Moderation. I don't eat steak every night. I'd be huge. Speaking of, you must work out."

"When I can. How about you?" Nick held up his hand. "Wait, don't tell me. You have a home gym."

Ray laughed. "Yes, I do. Look, I'm not about to apologize for doing well in life, Nick. It's true my immediate family has never struggled, but certainly my grandparents did. They worked hard to provide for my parents. And my parents worked hard. Not to mention I'm no slough off either."

"I didn't mean to imply you were."

The swinging kitchen door opened and Harold came out carrying flaming baked Alaska. Nick's blue eyes widened comically and Ray couldn't help but grin. He was finding the scruffy detective more appealing by the minute.

"You have an amazing house." Nick stood on the deck of the balcony outside an upstairs guestroom. It overlooked a kidney-shaped pool and a spa.

"Thank you." Ray had just come outside. He left the sliding glass door open. "What's your house like?"

"My dream house?" Nick laughed without humor. "I live in a dumpy apartment in Van Nuys. Can't go out at night. Well, not unless you're an armed police officer. But it's cheap."

"Do cops really make so little?"

Nick leaned on the railing. He didn't really feel like getting into his family situation with Ray. "I'm used to doing without. No sense in getting too comfortable now."

Ray walked up to stand behind him. Nick could feel the heat radiating from him. He'd wondered if Ray would make a move or expect Nick to make one. Nick bent a little at the waist, pushing his ass against Ray's crotch. He could feel the man's erection. Nick's own cock perked up in reaction.

Ray inhaled sharply, rubbing along the crease of Nick's jeans.

"Hmm." Nick straightened and turned to face Ray. He reached for the collar of Ray's dress shirt and tugged him closer. Ray's lips were mere inches from his. He could feel the man's breath. Smell a mixture of wine and the after dinner mint Ray had recently eaten. Nick lifted his chin until their mouths touched. They melded together briefly, hot and heady. It had been a while since he'd had sex, Nick realized, which was probably why he was being so bold. And on their first official date. He wasn't normally so easy.

"Want to see my bedroom?" Ray murmured against his lips.

The thing of it was, he did. He wanted to have hot, mind-blowing, no commitment sex with the gorgeous doctor. Nick really couldn't see it going anywhere permanent. Not with their differences. But Nick didn't do that kind of casual sex. Not ever. So as horny as he might be, and he definitely was, he couldn't do it. He just hoped he wouldn't piss off Ray with his hot and cold act.

Nick gently pushed at Ray's shoulders. "Look, as much as I'd love to see your bedroom or your bed anyway, the truth is, I don't have sex on the first date. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on or anything. I know it probably sounds stupid or old-fashioned coming from a guy like me, but that's the way it is."

Ray stared at him for a long time in silence and Nick was afraid he really had angered the good doctor. But then Ray grinned, flashing perfect white teeth. "No problem, Nick. I apologize for coming on too strong."

"Oh, no, not at all. I was, too." Relief flowed through him. He glanced at his watch. "I should probably be going."

Ray nodded. "How about a movie tomorrow night?"

"Okay."

"Good. I'll come by and get you at the station. I have a meeting with Detective Johnson about Devon's case anyway. I'll call you tomorrow with the details."

Ray smiled as Nick buckled the seat belt in the passenger seat of Ray's Lexus. Nick glanced around the parking lot, scooting down just a bit in the seat. He guessed Nick didn't want to be seen in the car with Ray. He knew he wasn't exactly a popular man with the LAPD these days. Still, Nick's obvious discomfort bothered him.

"Do we have time to make a stop?" Nick asked, straightening as Ray pulled out of the parking lot. He twisted his hands in his lap. "I...well, I need to drop something by my mother's place. It won't take long."

Ray glanced at Nick. The other man had his bottom lip between his teeth, twisting it. "Sure, no problem. The movie plays several different times. We're okay. Just punch the address of your mom's into my Garmin and it'll give me the directions."

When Nick put in the address, Ray frowned. He was familiar with the area. It wasn't a great one. Well, that was an understatement really. "Are you sure you input the address right?"

Nick ducked his head and turned a dark shade of red. "Um, yeah, it's right."

He felt like an ass. He'd embarrassed the man. "Sorry, Nick. Your mom okay there?"

"As okay as you can be there, I guess." Nick sighed. "That's where I grew up. My brother, Caleb, and sister, Vanessa, still live there. I wish I could afford to move them, but it's kind of tough."

Ray had been lucky and he'd be the first to admit it. He'd never gone hungry or been in trouble. But because his grandparents hadn't been so lucky and had struggled hard all their lives to give their children and grandchildren opportunities, Ray made sure he was very active in charities and his community.

They lapsed into silence as Ray drove the rest of the way into the Los Angeles neighborhood. He knew of worse areas. But he still found himself concerned for Nick's family. And Nick for that matter. He couldn't fathom growing up there.

He pulled up to a curb in front of a tiny little bungalow style house with bars on the window. In the driveway were two junky cars that didn't appear to run. Every other house on the narrow block looked pretty much the same.

"Go to hell!" The front door flew open and banged against the wall. A young blond girl of about sixteen or seventeen came flying out. She crossed her arms across her chest and stared at them as Nick and Ray got out of the car.

"What's going on?" Nick asked.

Her bottom lip quivered. "Mom's a bitch."

"Don't call her that. She's still your mom, Vanessa."

"I wish she wasn't!"

Nick threw a glance in Ray's direction, then cleared his throat. "Don't say that."

"Yeah," Vanessa said, tears now streaming down her face. "Well, fuck you, too, Nick."

Nick grimaced as she stormed away toward the side of the house. "Uh, sorry you had to witness that. You might want to stand outside next to your car. I promise, I'll only be a minute." Without waiting for Ray to respond, Nick went into the house.

Ray leaned against his car. It was none of his business what was going on with Nick and his family. A man seldom wanted another man to butt in. Ray wouldn't appreciate it coming from a man he was dating. Hell, this was only their second date. And they hadn't even had that yet. But whatever Nick was dealing with must be bad. The tension radiating off him while he spoke to his sister was huge. Ray guessed his mother must still be doing drugs. Maybe even still doing tricks.

The door opened again and Nick came outside, his hands shoved into the front pockets. "Okay, all set. Thanks for stopping here. I know it was out of the way."

"No problem. Are you hungry? We can stop for a hamburger on the way to the movie."

Nick nodded. "Thanks, sounds good."

The movie had been stupid, Nick decided. Their portrayal of the police had been laughable, but he'd let Ray choose the movie. Small wonder law enforcement came off looking either like pricks or chumps. No doubt the image Ray himself had of the police. He wondered which category he fell into and guessed it was probably the latter.

Nick didn't voice his discontent for the inaccuracies of the movie in great detail, however. When Ray asked him what he'd thought of the movie, Nick gave his opinion in simple words.

"It sucked."

Ray laughed. "Okay, next time you can choose the film. There's a little bar over there at the end of the strip mall. Want to go in for a drink?"

"Sure."

Nick and Ray walked through the sparsely lit parking lot toward the bar. Being a cop, Nick looked around carefully, back and forth and behind them at all times. The neighborhood was a nice one, but Nick knew it didn't pay to be careless.

One thing he really liked about bars in California was the lack of smoke. The best damn law they ever made as far as Nick was concerned. He liked Las Vegas well enough on his visits there, but the thick smoke swirling everywhere choked him.

They walked directly to the bar and took two stools next to each other on the corner. Nick ordered a beer and Ray ordered a martini from the bartender.

Nick looked around. He knew this area pretty well. It wasn't too far from the police station he worked at, which was why Ray had chosen the location for the movie. It would be easy enough to drop Nick off at the station afterward. He'd been in the bar before, though not for several months. It was a regular hangout for some of his fellow officers and he quickly noted three of them in the back corner. Bad ones. He shifted uncomfortably and looked away, hoping they wouldn't notice him and Ray.

"So, this being our second date," Ray said, sipping from the martini the bartender had just set before him, "do we have a chance of sex this time, or do I have to wait for the third?"

Nick choked on a swallow of beer. "Um. Well."

"I'm kidding." Ray waved his hand dismissively. "I don't expect you to give me a specific date and time or anything."

Out of the corner of his eye, Nick watched the police officers get up from their table. They looked right at Nick and Ray and their expressions were grim. Damn.

"Nick?"

He realized Ray was saying something to him, but his attention was too focused on the cops now heading their way. His knuckles tightened on his beer bottle.

"Sorenson."

Ray swung around on the stool to look at the three off duty officers. "Can I help you gentlemen?"

The nearest one, Ramirez, a large, beefy guy, who'd called Nick's name ignored Ray, and looked at Nick. "What the fuck are you doing with this bastard?"

"Yeah, Sorenson. Do you know who this asshole is?" Another of the cops, Lawrence was his last name, asked.

"Look, guys, we don't want any trouble. We're just here for a drink."

"Nick, you know these guys?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, they're some police officers from my precinct."

"You a traitor, Sorenson?" Ramirez snarled.

Nick's stomach twisted. He pushed down the queasy feeling. "Of course not."

"Jesus, Sorenson, I know you're a fag, but can't you find someone better than this fucking guy?" Lawrence, a man easily over six feet tall, took a threatening step toward them.

"Hey, now, just a minute," Ray said, starting to rise from his bar stool.

Nick got up and put his hand on Ray's arm. "You guys have been drinking. Can I ask the bartender to call you a cab?"

The third cop, Jackson, finally spoke up, "Nah, I can take them home. I'm okay to drive. Let's go, guys. We should leave Sorenson and his guest alone."

Ramirez looked like he wanted to argue, but finally he nodded. "Yeah, come on, Lawrence. Don't want any trouble from Internal Affairs."

Lawrence took another step forward and Nick's hand went to his gun. Jackson and Ramirez each grabbed one of Lawrence's arms to keep him from going farther.

Without another word, the three cops turned and left the bar. The bartender, who'd been cautiously watching from the sidelines, shrugged and headed down to the opposite end of the bar.

Ray grimaced. "You still think cops aren't corrupt, Nick?"

Nick returned to his seat and shook his head. "Look, just because those guys are jerks, it doesn't mean all police officers are corrupt. Every profession has assholes in it. Are you trying to tell me there aren't any unprofessional doctors?"

Ray sipped his martini. "Sure there are. But not as widespread as cops. I haven't come across a single profession that is."

"Oh, come on. You're running for city council. How can you sit there with a straight face and tell me the police are more corrupt than politicians?"

"I'll admit there are corrupt politicians. But there's far more trouble in the police force. That's why when I get elected," Ray paused to grin, "if I get elected, I'll make fixing the police department my number one priority."

Nick gritted his teeth and turned away, pretending to take a drink of his beer. The truth was he'd lost the taste for alcohol when the idiot officers came over to harass them. And a conversation like this one was just further proof that a relationship with Ray wasn't going to work. He'd only end up wanting to punch Ray in the face. He reached into his back pocket for his wallet.

"I got this," Ray said.

"No, I can pay." Nick threw money down on the bar. He glanced at Ray, just waiting for him to argue or mention how much more fucking money he had than Nick. To his relief, Ray shrugged and finished his drink. "We should probably go. I have to be in pretty early tomorrow."

"Yeah, me too."

They didn't say anything as they walked across the parking lot toward the car, but Nick felt the thick, heavy tension between them. He wondered if he should have had sex with the good doctor when he had the chance. It seemed clear enough that chance wouldn't come again.

He couldn't help but feel stupid when he walked up to Ray's Lexus. Yeah, he could probably afford a newer car than the Pinto he had. He'd been thinking about it for a while. He wouldn't get rid of the Pinto. Couldn't do that. The damn piece of junk was the one thing he had of his dad's.

Nick hated himself for the way he felt just then. Nick hadn't been ashamed of the way he lived for a long time. It felt horrible.

Clearing his throat, he called over the top of the car, "Hey, thanks, I had a good time."

Ray actually smiled. "You did not. You hated the movie and then those clowns bothered us. You had a bad time. Admit it, Nick."

Nick laughed. "Okay, yeah, I had a shitty time."

Ray clicked the locks on his car and chuckled.

They got in, Ray started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Almost sensing Nick didn't feel like talking, Ray turned up the radio. The latest hot pop song blared over the airwaves.

Nick yawned. It had been a long day. He was off the Devon Carmichael case, but he had a number of other cases that were a bitch.

Ray's car entered the station parking lot and he drove over to Nick's beat up Pinto. He felt himself blush as he opened the passenger door and got out.

"Thanks again for making that extra stop at my mother's house, Ray."

"Not a problem. Good night, Nick. Drive carefully."

"Night." Nick got in his car and started it, very glad the engine roared to life.

Two days later, Ray closed the door of his private office and lowered his aching body into the desk chair. He'd been seeing patients all day and now had a moment to make some necessary phone calls. He checked the messages one of the nurses had left for him. Most were from patients with questions about medicines or symptoms. He'd call them after he checked his private voice mail.

There were calls from his campaign manager, Detective Johnson, and his brother, Devon. No calls from Nick. He tried to push away his disappointment. He knew Nick hadn't enjoyed their date, but he'd been hoping he'd give Ray another chance.

Shaking his head, Ray called his brother.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dev, how are you feeling?"

"All right. Back's still a bit sore. But I'm back at the restaurant almost full time."

"Great, I'm glad to hear it. What's up?"

"Well," Devon said. "I know it seems strange for me to set my brother up with another guy, but I've got this man that comes into the restaurant and I think you two would get along great. He's a lawyer at Smith & Harris. You interested?"

"Hmm, I would be, except I'm sort of seeing someone." Or at least Ray hoped he was. He wasn't ready to give up on Nick just yet.

"You are?" Devon sounded surprised. "Who? How come the family hasn't met him?"

Ray laughed. "It's a little soon for that, I think. But if things go okay I might invite him to the anniversary party for Mom and Dad."

"Sounds serious."

"We'll see. Anyway, I'll see you on Tuesday at the meeting with the attorney."

"All right, later."

Ray sighed and decided he'd probably have to make the move to call Nick himself. Damn, he hated being the pursuer.

Nick sat at his desk filling out paperwork, telling himself he wasn't disappointed he hadn't heard from Ray again. After all, it was for the best. Even if they had seen each other a few more times and had sex, it wasn't going anywhere. Nick liked being a cop and Ray hated cops. End of story.

Yet his gaze kept going to the phone on his desk. Every time it rang, Nick's heart raced, wondering if finally it would be Ray. It hadn't been. Not once. He hated feeling vulnerable.

Nick dug inside his desk drawer for the little slip of paper he'd written Ray's number on. The wrinkled bit of paper had managed to make it all the way to the back of the drawer. He smoothed it out on the desk and picked up the phone to call Ray's cell.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

Nick was about to hang up.

"Dr. Carmichael."

"Uh." Okay, now he felt really stupid. His finger hovered over the end call button.

"Nick? Are you there?" Ray's voice stopped him.

"Yeah."

"For a minute, I thought I imagined seeing your number pop up on my cell," Ray said. "I've been waiting for you to call."

"You have?" Ray had his number programmed into his cell phone?

"Yes. I figured after the way I'd been pursuing you and our not so successful date of the other night, well, maybe I should leave it up to you to decide if you wanted to see me again."

Nick swallowed. "Oh. I was sort of waiting for you to call me, too."

Ray laughed. "If you hadn't called me by the weekend I probably would have."

"So, can we maybe try again?" Nick asked, surprising himself.

"I'd like that. Why don't we go to dinner at a nice restaurant Saturday night? If you're not working."

"I'm not."

"Excellent. I'll come and pick you up at your apartment."

Nick grimaced. "I think I've told you I live in kind of a dump."

"Yeah, you did," Ray acknowledged. "Nick, I'm not a prima donna. I've been in plenty of bad neighborhoods. Give me the address."

Nick did, though he wasn't sure it was such a great idea.

"All right. I'll pick you up Saturday at say six-thirty?"

"Okay, see you then."

Ray had seen worse neighborhoods than Nick's. The one the other day where Nick grew up and his mother still lived for example. Back in his residency days he'd even gone to some of Los Angeles's gang areas to provide medical attention to those in need. Somewhere along the way, Ray realized he'd lost touch with these poorest citizens. He vowed to himself to get back to volunteering in the community even if he didn't get elected.

He parked his car and clicked the locks, checking the area in front of Nick's apartment building. No one seemed to be paying particular notice to him or his car.

Ray hurried up the walkway toward the building. He'd been very relieved when Nick called him. He wasn't sure it would happen. He didn't miss the way Nick had pulled back when they'd had their confrontation with the cops at the bar.

He couldn't deny he and Nick came from different worlds. Still he couldn't seem to stop thinking about Nick. And Ray was pleased that maybe Nick felt the same about him.

He took the somewhat decrepit metal stairs up to the second floor where Nick's apartment was located. Turning left, he avoided a tricycle abandoned in the pathway. Ray rapped on the door.

Nick opened it almost immediately, as though he'd been watching for Ray. "Hey there." He stepped aside to let Ray inside.

"Hey there, yourself." Ray couldn't help but check him out. The man was simply a masterpiece of masculine beauty. He'd cut and spiked his sandy hair and shaved, so he almost had a clean-cut boy next door look. Except the tiny gold hoop in his ear together with the snake tattoo on his arm dispelled that. Nick wore a neat, black polo shirt and black slacks that, Ray could not help noticing, hugged his ass. Ray's mouth watered. Ray had dressed in a long-sleeved blue dress shirt and khaki pants. "You look really good."

Nick smiled a little. "I wasn't sure where we were going so I didn't know how to dress, but you did say somewhere nice."

"No, you're dressed perfectly. We're going to a very nice little Japanese place." Ray paused. "Do you like Japanese food?"

"Like a place where they chop and cook the food in front of you?"

"Yes, Teppan style."

Nick nodded. "Yep. Sounds great."

If Ray had it his way, Nick would be dessert. But of course he was getting ahead of himself. He glanced around the apartment. There didn't appear to be much to the living room. A nice, big screen television. An old, lumpy looking leather couch and matching loveseat and a coffee table. He could see the kitchen from where he stood and it appeared to be the typical apartment sized kitchen.

As though he could read minds, Nick said, "There's not much to the place. It's just a one-bedroom. You can go take a look if you want the tour."

Ray grinned. "Sure, why not?" He walked through the living room, past the kitchen, and into a short hallway leading to the bedroom and bathroom combination. He quickly noted Nick's bed wasn't made.

"I'm not much of a housekeeper," Nick admitted behind him.

"Me either. That's why I hire people to keep up my house for me," Ray said.

Unfortunately for his hungry stomach, the sight of the bed perked up the interest of his cock. It rose and hardened. Wouldn't look too great in the restaurant. Just when he was wondering what he could do about it, Nick's fingers brushed his arm. Jolts of pure, naked lust flowed through him. Thoughts of eating anything other than the man next to him went out of his head. He turned to Nick, careful not to break the contact with the man's fingers. He didn't miss the mirrored lust in Nick's baby blue eyes.

Thank God.

Ray leaned toward Nick at the same moment Nick leaned toward him. Their lips met, touched, scorched across each other. Ray's lips moved to the pulse of the other man's throat, searing a path there to his collarbone. Nick had on way too many clothes. Ray's hands found the hem of Nick's shirt and tugged upward.

"Dinner?" Nick gasped, tilting his head, providing Ray better access to his throat.

"Later." Ray yanked the shirt over Nick's head and dropped it in a pile at their feet. His fingers reached for the belt at the other man's waist. He was suddenly as eager as his first time. His hands were shaking so much he was having trouble unfastening the belt.

"Let me." Nick pushed away Ray's hands. He kicked off his black loafers before he undid the belt, then dropped his pants and stepped out of them.

His mouth watering, Ray admired the erection straining against Nick's boxers. He swallowed, trying to calm his racing pulse. He didn't want to rush this, didn't want to embarrass himself by coming too soon.

"Lube and condoms?" He went to work on removing his own clothes.

Nick nodded, licking his lips. "Be right back." He disappeared into the bathroom.

Ray supposed he ought to ask Nick who would be topping. For some reason, Ray had assumed he would be fucking Nick, but it was entirely possible Nick had the same assumption about him. He pulled the sheet and blanket down to the foot of the bed.

Nick came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Ray's middle. "You smell really good." Nick's lips scorched across Ray's throat, his teeth grazing his pulse.

Ray shivered, tilting his head to the side, pushing back against Nick's lips. "God, I can't wait to get you onto that bed."

Nick's breath hitched and he handed a foil wrapper to Ray. Pre-lubed, Ray noted, though as he turned in Nick's arms he saw the man also had a bottle in his hand.

Ray tossed the items on the bed. He lowered his mouth to Nick's. He quaked with need when the other man's tongue slid inside, hot and wet. Slowly, he maneuvered them until they fell onto the bed, Nick pinned under him.

"Wow," Nick murmured, when Ray allowed him a moment to breathe. "Are you as horny as I am?"

"More." Ray's fingers itched to caress Nick everywhere. His tongue dipped to stroke at Nick's right nipple, then his left. Nick jumped. "Like that, huh?"

Nick swallowed. "Uh-huh"

Ray's hands spanned across Nick's abs, tracing the muscles. "You are fucking gorgeous."

Nick's laugh turned into a moan when Ray continued kissing him. He grabbed Nick's wrists and held them over his head, assaulting him with kisses and nibbles everywhere. He was on fire, more turned on than he'd been in a hell of a long time.

"Want you," he whispered in Nick's ear. He felt the other man shake, watched as goose bumps appeared on his flesh. The contrast of his dark skin next to Nick's pale, flushed skin excited him even more. He'd never paid that much attention to the difference of his skin with his lover's before. But for some reason with Nick it fascinated him.

Nick made a little soft sighing noise, and Ray released Nick's wrists to reach for the foil packet. He tore it open and rolled the condom onto his own hard cock. Nick didn't protest, so Ray decided they were likeminded.

Nick grabbed his neck and brought Ray's lips to his again in a crushing, deep kiss. When they came up for air, he rolled onto his stomach presenting his fabulous ass to Ray.

An invitation Ray could not refuse. He was awkward like a young man again during his first time, dropping the bottle. He picked it up and squirted lube all over his fingers and inserted his slicked digits in Nick's entrance. The other man tensed a moment, gasped, then slowly relaxed, letting Ray's probing fingers fuck him.

Nick made little moaning noises that tightened Ray's balls. Ray wished they'd had all night so he could have stayed there thrusting his digits into Nick's ass for hours. But his own aching cock reminded him it wanted to replace the fingers. His fingers slid out.

Nick groaned in protest.

"Don't worry," Ray assured him. He raised himself up on his arms behind Nick, poising his cock at Nick's ass. He pushed in as slowly as he could manage.

"Shit," Nick said.

"Are you all right?" Ray asked, his heart racing, afraid he'd hurt Nick.

Nick nodded. "It just burns a little. It's been a while."

The idea that it had been a while since another man had fucked Nick thrilled Ray. He pushed in farther, making soothing noises as he did so. When he'd thrust all the way in, Ray took a moment to lay there, savoring the feeling. Extreme pleasure tingled through him. He closed his eyes.

"Ray, move," Nick urged with a little gasp.

Ray chuckled, but did as Nick asked. He pulled out almost all the way, and then pressed back in, faster, harder than before. He repeated the movement, biting his lip against the almost overwhelming need to come. He was too conscious of the man beneath him to selfishly think only of his own pleasure.

He threaded his fingers through Nick's, once more loving the sight of the contrast of his dark skin against Nick's paler flesh. Ray pumped into him over and over, increasing the pace, the intensity. Nick rose a bit and pushed up against him. He couldn't hold back much longer, already his orgasm tingled, tugged at him.

It had been too long and Nick was too hot. Ray groaned, long and loudly, snapping his hips against Nick's ass.

"God," Ray gasped, relieved when Nick found his own release, pouring out onto the sheets, the smell of sex permeating the room. It was too much, too intense. He roared with his own release, pumping hard into Nick.

He stayed within the other man for a moment, but then, not wanting to crush Nick, Ray withdrew. He lay next to Nick and pulled him close, both of them breathing in harmony.

"I'm still hungry," Nick said after a while. Ray could hear the amusement in his tone. He stretched and yawned.

Ray laughed. "Okay, okay. We'll get re-dressed and go."

Nick rose and grimaced. "I'll need a shower." His cheeks pinked. "Um, I hope your car is still there when we go to leave."

"Still there?" Ray frowned. "Is that a real possibility?"

Nick shrugged. "Maybe. You might want to go check while I'm in the shower."

Ray watched his hot ass disappear into the bathroom. Damn, his cock perked up all over again. He hadn't been this into a guy in... Well, he couldn't even say. He got out of bed, pulled on his clothes and walked out to the living room to check on his car.

There was one other couple and a family seated before the Teppan chef cooking their food. Nick didn't pay any attention to them, so neither did Ray. He only had eyes for Nick, anyway. They'd both ordered steak and lobster from the chef and applauded at the appropriate moments when the performing chef did his little tricks.

Ray found himself wishing he'd chosen another restaurant so they could have a private table. The food was excellent though.

"When did you first realize you were gay?" he asked Nick.

Nick shrugged and took a large swallow of his Japanese beer. "Pretty young, I guess. I remember even as a kid when other boys picked on girls they liked I was more apt to tease another boy. It was difficult, though. As I told you, I was in trouble a lot with gangs and thugs, so you can imagine how being gay would go over. I hid it mostly."

"Yeah. I'm sort of surprised you're out on the force."

"I take some shit," Nick said. "But there comes a point where you just want to be yourself. And for every asshole that treats me differently I have five other friends who support me."

That did surprise Ray a bit, but he didn't say so. He'd come to realize Nick was pretty sensitive to talk of bad cops. He had little doubt Nick was sincere, but in Ray's experience, Nick was the exception.

"How about you, Ray? When did you realize?"

Ray smiled. "Well, as you can imagine, being gay doesn't go over great in a black family either. Sure, there are black gays, but many are still in the closet. I'm sure you've heard the term being on the down low. I knew by puberty and I told my family when I was in high school. They weren't thrilled and things were pretty tense for a while. But they're pretty supportive about it now. My brother even offered to set me up with a guy who eats at his restaurant."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Oh, he did, did he?"

Ray shrugged. "I told him I was seeing someone. You're not jealous are you?" he teased.

Nick smirked. "Nah. Not really. Besides, there's not much I can say if you do want to see other guys."

Ray touched Nick's hand. "I don't."

"Good." Nick turned his hand a little until their fingers molded together. Nick squeezed, then let go. They lapsed into silence for a moment as they enjoyed their food and watched the chef cleaning up.

Nick looked thoughtful, as if wondering if he should mention something. "How about gay rights?" he finally asked. "You're a big activist about race, how come you're not as active about gay rights?"

"I am when I need to be. I guess I feel I'm a black man first." Ray finished his glass of wine. "But I do feel strongly about the rights of gays and lesbians, Nick. Even if I'm not as vocal."

"Okay, fair enough. I guess I sort of feel that way about working with troubled youth and gang members."

Ray exhaled a little. He had been afraid their conversation might lead to another disagreement between them. He'd felt the tension radiating off Nick for a moment, but it seemed to have lessened and Nick relaxed.

He picked up the check and placed his card in it, handing it to a waitress who'd just passed by their table. "Listen, I don't know how you feel about this, but I was wondering if you'd like to come back to my house. I have a Jacuzzi and thought you might enjoy that." He paused. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"No, I'm off."

Ray plunged ahead. "Well, then, if things get too late, you could even stay over and I can take you home in the morning." He held his breath, just knowing Nick would balk at it.

"I'd like to, yes." Nick smiled.

Yes!

Okay, play it cool, Ray told himself. He smiled, too. "Great."

Nick had to admit lounging around in hot bubbly water in Ray's chilly backyard was a most excellent idea. Ray had spare swim trunks, so he'd borrowed a pair. They weren't the same size, but close enough. He leaned his head back and gazed up at the stars. It amazed him how many he could actually see. The neighborhood he lived it was just too brightly lit to see stars really well. Damn rich had all the breaks.

"What are you smiling at?" Ray asked him from the other side of the spa.

"Just the stars." He hadn't realized how sore his muscles were. Since transferring to Internal Affairs he didn't get much in the way of physical activity. He had a gym membership, but work kept him pretty busy most days. And then there was the workout Ray gave him before dinner. Nick chuckled out loud.

"What's funny?" Ray splashed a little water in his direction.

"I'm realizing I'm a little sore."

Ray laughed. "I hope not too sore."

"No such thing." Nick sighed. "Now that I have a bit of a desk job I'm wondering if I'm gaining weight."

"Doesn't look like you have an ounce of fat to me. As I told you before you have a fantastic body." Ray glided across the Jacuzzi to sit next to Nick. "So if you don't like it, why do you stay?"

Nick looked at him. "Like what?"

"Internal Affairs. Look, I know what you said about it being where the opportunities were, but don't take this the wrong way, Nick."

"Okay." Nick frowned, wondering what Ray thought he might take the wrong way.

"But whatever opportunities you think you're getting from IA don't seem to be doing much for you. You don't seem altogether happy there, correct me if I wrong, so you're not getting any emotional or intellectual stimulation from it. And based on your apartment and car, you aren't being rewarded too much monetarily either."

Nick shrugged, uncertain how to respond or what he wanted to say.

"And I think if you're looking for challenge on the job, you'd probably be better off working with youth and gangs, too. I know it isn't my business, but I can't help questioning your choices there."

Nick supposed it was a legitimate question even if it did raise his hackles a bit. But he had nothing to hide. "I live below my means for the most part. I save what I can. The thing is, working with the anti-gang unit is dangerous."

"I won't believe you're afraid."

He grimaced, trying not to be offended by the remark. "No, I'm not. But, it's not about just me."

Ray stared at him. "What? Don't tell me you have a secret love child somewhere."

He laughed. "No, I've always been gay, so there's no hidden woman in my past. Not that kind anyway. I do have a family, though, and no matter what mistakes my mother has made, I do try to take care of her and my siblings, Caleb and Vanessa."

Ray frowned. "So, you're saying you support them?"

"To an extent, yeah. I'm not their entire income, but close. The other day when you took me by there, I brought my mother money. She'd called to say she needed it for groceries. I just hope that's what she really used it for." His heart twisting a little, Nick tilted his head back to gaze at the stars again. "They're really important to me. If something happens to me, it also jeopardizes them. It's not all about how much money and prestige I can get. There are high level jobs with the gang units."

"I had no idea," Ray said softly.

"Yeah, it's not something I really talk about. My family's pretty screwed up, Ray, to be honest. My mother is a drug addict. Has been since I was young. She's been in and out of rehab, had interventions." He sighed. "I'm kind of surprised she's still alive. Sometimes I wonder if the money I give her for the kids is going up her nose."

Nick wasn't sure why he was telling all this to Ray. He'd never shared stuff like that with any other guy he dated. The less his dates knew about his loser family the better off it was, really. He even hid a lot of it from the force. Probably wouldn't look too good to the powers in charge. After all, they were already not happy about his sexual orientation.

"It's got to be tough, Nick. I'm sorry." Ray rose out of the spa. "I'm going to get a glass of wine. Want one?"

Nick smiled, glad the subject of his career choices and his family had been dropped. His stomach had twisted in knots while he'd spoken. "Nah, you know I'm not into wine."

"Maybe we should go wine tasting or something." Ray went to a nearby picnic table and poured himself a glass of white wine. "Maybe you just haven't had good wine."

Nick laughed.

"Bad idea?"

"Not really. It's just, Ray, it's okay if we don't agree on stuff. You know? There's nothing wrong with having different likes or dislikes. We don't both have to like wine. It's great that you do and I appreciate that you want me to because you like it, but I don't. I've tasted fancy, expensive wines. I still don't like them. Do you like beer?"

Ray grinned. "No."

"I could tell you there are all kinds of beers and you should try them. But chances are, you're still not going to like beer, huh?"

"I see your point." Ray nodded. "Okay. But if you ever change your mind, let me know."

"I will." Nick climbed out of the spa and grabbed a towel. "Thanks, that was great. Really relaxing. My apartment building has one, but, well, I don't really spend a lot of time there and, besides, I'm not sure how clean they keep it."

"You want to watch a movie or do something else?"

Nick glanced at Ray and noticed the prominent erection in his swim trunks. His own penis perked up at the sight. He probably ought to play harder to get, but hell, he was still a guy and still wanted sex. Even after their pre-dinner romp. "I'd say the something else." He smirked. "I'd say your cock agrees with me."

Ray threw his towel at him, then chuckled. "Never mind. You're absolutely right. Sex it is then."

Ray's bedroom was freaking huge.

"How high is that ceiling?" Nick asked, his mouth hanging open to gape at the ceiling that seemed to reach the sky.

Ray shrugged. "Not sure. Tall. The master bedroom is connected to the highest part of the house." He gestured to the massive canopy bed he had. "This is an antique."

Nick eyed it cautiously. "An antique?"

Ray sat down on the mattress and bounced. "Don't worry, it's sturdy. It's withstood plenty of activity."

Nick grimaced. He didn't like hearing how many lovers Ray had before him. They weren't young kids with no experience of life, but still, Nick could probably count on one hand how many lovers he'd had. Ray...not so sure.

"H-How many lovers have you had?" he heard himself ask.

Ray glanced at him, his face showing his surprise at the question. "A few. I'm in my thirties. I'm not a slut or anything and I'm very careful, Nick."

He nodded. "I didn't think you weren't. I just have a feeling you've probably been with more lovers than me."

"Does that bother you?" Ray came up to him and put his arms around his waist, tugging him close.

"Maybe a little," Nick admitted.

"I can't change what happened in the past, Nick. But when I'm with a guy, it's all about him and only him. Okay?"

Nick smiled. "Okay."

Ray's bedroom had an air of masculinity. The colors of the drapes and bedding were dark plums and greens. Besides the gigantic canopy bed, the only other furniture in the room, bigger than his whole apartment he did not fail to notice, was a cherry wood dresser and matching armoire.

Enough with checking out Ray's bedroom. Nick was far more interested in Ray's bed. He would have thought with the sex they'd had before dinner, he wouldn't be so horny now. But, well, he was.

"Be right back." Ray kissed him quickly, then disappeared through the bathroom door, returning seconds later with a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. He liked that Ray was of a like mind. That was the good thing about two guys. No stupid playing around about whether sex was going to happen.

"How do you want me?" Nick peeled off his still damp swim trunks, freeing his hard cock.

"Well, you're already taking care of the naked part," Ray said with a huge grin. He got himself naked, too. His large dark chocolate cock pointed toward Nick. He opened up the box of condoms and removed a foil wrapper.

Nick walked up to Ray and ripped the condom from him. Feeling aggressive, he pushed Ray down on the bed. Ray's dark eyes widened, awareness and lust in their depths.

Nick used his teeth to tear open the wrapper. Kneeling on the bed next to his lover, Nick leaned down, and framing Ray's face in his hands, seared his lips to the other man's. Ray's tongue slipped between his teeth, tangling with his. He tasted of wine, but Nick didn't mind. Nick hadn't done a lot of kissing with other men. Usually he was of the opinion women liked kissing more than men anyway. For him, it had always been just a way to get to sex. But he liked kissing Ray. His lips were soft and sensuous and always melted under Nick's.

After a few minutes of kissing, Nick was eager to be fucked. He straightened and rolled the latex on Ray's hard cock, giving a little squeeze to the man's balls. He grabbed the lube and rubbed a generous amount all over Ray's erection. He handed the lube to Ray. Nick straddled Ray and reached behind to part his ass cheeks.

Ray oozed lubricant onto his fingers and pushed them in Nick's entrance, spreading him.

"God, yes," Nick moaned. He pressed down, seeking more depth, more penetration.

Ray withdrew his fingers. "Lower yourself onto me."

Gladly.

Nick thrust down on Ray's erection until Ray was balls-deep inside. Frantically, he fucked himself on Ray's cock, pumping up and down. Ray gripped his hips, increasing the pace, raising up harder and deeper with each thrust, hitting Nick's prostate.

"Ray!" Nick closed his eyes, letting the incredible sensations flow through him, wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it. "I'm going to come."

"Me, too," Ray said, gasping. He tensed underneath him, groaning long and low. Ray reached for Nick's erection and joined Nick's hand to jerk it.

"Ahhh," Nick screamed, white fluid pouring out all over Ray's abs.

He moved off Ray, pressed his lips to the other man's for a brief, tender kiss, and lay next to him. Sweat poured from him. He was exhausted, but in a good way.

"Geez, you're amazing," Nick said with a huge yawn.

Ray laughed. "We're both pretty amazing. I'm going to sleep well tonight."

"Me, too."

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Hmm." He yawned again. "Not sure. You going to make it for me?"

"Yep. If I were your doctor I'd make you yogurt and fruit."

Nick closed his eyes. "But?"

"Since I'm your lover I want to impress you with my culinary skills. Waffles?"

"Sounds good." Nick's stomach grumbled. "I'm kind of hungry now. Sounds crazy after the dinner we ate. Sex does it to me."

Ray chuckled. "I can't move. Can you wait until I recover? I'll make you grilled cheese."

Nick smiled and snuggled up next to Ray. "Yeah. I could so get used to this."

Ray woke to the most intense sensations in his cock. A hot, moist mouth closed over the tip, drawing it in and down a throat. He kept his eyes closed, thinking if he opened them, the incredible dream would end and he'd wake up alone as he usually did.

His eyelids popped open when he heard the unmistakable sound of sucking. Nick's sandy head rose above his crotch. Ray pushed himself to his elbows so he could get a better view of Nick working his erection in and out of his mouth.

"Now that's a good morning," Ray choked out.

Nick drew Ray's cock to the back of his throat. He cupped Ray's sac, squeezing gently, sending electric jolts of the beginning of a powerful orgasm soaring through Ray. He pumped his hips, seeking deeper penetration of Nick's mouth.

Ray clawed at the sheets, his release tingling up his spine. He couldn't hold back. He thought he should probably warn Nick in case he didn't want a mouthful of cum, but he had trouble making himself talk.

"Nick," he roared, unable to prevent the cum from pouring out of his cock and down his lover's throat. He couldn't seem to stop coming and coming, his body shaking with the force of the orgasm.

Nick swallowed a lot of the liquid and released Ray's cock. He wiped his mouth and then grinned wickedly at Ray. "Like that?"

"Like it?" Ray grinned back. "You about killed me. Wow. Damn, you're good at that."

"Glad you think so." He slapped Ray's leg. "I'm starved. Get up and make me those waffles you promised."

Ray chuckled. "What about you? Want me to blow you?"

"Later, right now my stomach is bugging me more than my dick."

Nick patted his stomach and sighed with contentment. He picked up his coffee cup and took a large swallow. "Okay, those were way better than restaurant waffles. How'd you do it?"

Ray shrugged. "I've always been pretty good at cooking. Need a warm up on your coffee?"

"Yeah. It's good, too. Beats the crap at the station, that's for sure."

Ray poured coffee into his cup. "I have to go to the hospital this afternoon I'm afraid. What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"I don't know. I'm thinking of going to the mission."

"The mission?"

Nick nodded. "Sometimes when I have Sundays off, I'll go down and help feed the homeless."

"Really? I had no idea."

"It's no big deal. Just my way of giving back to the community after my Big Brother helped me. I'm also in the Big Brother program myself."

Ray smiled. "You're a good guy, Nick."

Nick shifted, feeling uncomfortable with the praise. He picked up his dirty dishes and brought them out to kitchen.

Ray followed him. "Just put them in the sink. My housekeeper will get to them later."

"Thanks for what you said," Nick said after a moment. "I appreciate you thinking I'm a good guy, considering how much you hate the police."

"I don't hate the police. I just don't think they're honest or always looking after the interests of the citizens they're supposed to be protecting. But cop or not, Nick, I know a good guy and you are one."

Nick looked away. "Well, thanks."

"What are you doing two weeks from yesterday?" Ray asked.

Nick glanced at him, a little disappointed Ray didn't want to see him again before then. Probably his work schedule, but he still didn't have to like it. Hell, he didn't even know if they were exclusive or anything. Based on what Ray had said last night he thought they were, maybe, but what did he know. "I don't know. Nothing I guess."

"Good. I'd like you to come with me to my parents' house. It's their anniversary so we're having a nice dinner that Saturday. Can you come?"

Whatever he had expected, that was not it. Nick just stared at Ray. His parents' home? Okay, wasn't that huge? Wasn't that something you did after you talked of love?

"You don't have to."

Nick didn't miss the crushed look in Ray's dark eyes before he turned away. He felt like an ass for not responding. But what the fuck was he supposed to say?

Ray walked out of the kitchen without saying anything else.

Great.

Nick took a deep breath and went after Ray. The other man stood by a side table in the dining room where he'd picked up the coffee carafe and was pouring another cup.

"Ray, can we talk?"

Ray looked at him, his dark eyes unreadable behind his glasses, and shrugged. "Sure."

Nick sat down where he had consumed his breakfast, and Ray sat across from him. "Look, I'm not really good at talking about things and I can see you probably aren't either. Probably comes from being guys."

Ray acknowledged that with a small nod.

"And I hate to sound like a woman or whatever, so I'm not going to ask where this is going." Nick laughed and was happy to see Ray smile. "But, are we, you know, you consider us exclusive, right?"

"Yes, I guess I do think of us as exclusive. I certainly haven't seen anyone else since I asked you out. I told you I turned down Devon's man. What about you?"

"I haven't seen anyone else either. The truth is, Ray, I've never really done the relationship thing."

Ray raised an eyebrow and sipped from his cup. "Never?"

"No." Nick swallowed. "I've had sex, always protected, of course, but it never got to any sort of connection thing."

"I've had a couple of serious relationships. Both were with African American guys. One was when I just started college. The guy and I had known each other in high school. Anyway, with us both being gay it seemed natural to start something together."

"What happened?"

Ray sighed. "We tried to make it work more than either of us really felt about it, if that makes sense. We thought we should be together so we forced it. We liked so many of the same things, had many of the same interests, both wanted to be doctors, both gay. It just seemed like it should have clicked."

"It didn't?"

"No. We fizzled out rather than actually breaking up. Then I also was pretty serious about a man during medical school. We even lived together. Got his and his towels." Ray looked down at the table for a moment, but not before Nick caught the deep sadness in his eyes.

"What happened?" he asked gently, reaching across the table to close his hand over Ray's.

Ray met his gaze. "Came home one night to find him screwing someone else. I kicked his ass out and haven't seen him since."

Nick winced. "I'm sorry. That must have really hurt."

"It did. A lot. But it's been a while and I'm okay with it now. So, what are you telling me, Nick?"

"I panicked just a little when you mentioned your family," Nick admitted.

"You really don't have to come. I guess I was feeling pretty good about things and got ahead of myself."

"I don't just want to dismiss it though. It's a big thing, I think, but...can I think about it and get back to you maybe?"

Ray smiled. "Yes, absolutely."

"But, hey, does that mean I have to wait until that weekend to see you?" Nick did not like that idea one bit.

"Hell, no. How about tomorrow night you bring by a pizza and we'll watch a stupid action movie or whatever."

He grinned. "That sounds like something I can manage."

Ray was dog-tired, but happy to be home. He glanced at his watch as he closed the front door. Almost seven-thirty. Way later than he had intended. He set his medical bag down on the front table, kicked off his shoes in the hall, and made a beeline for his living room. Hoping.

Nick lounged on his couch watching re-runs of a sitcom. Ray relaxed, feeling immensely better already.

"Hey there," Ray said.

"Oh, hey." Nick sat up to allow room for Ray to sit on the couch next to him. He patted the space.

Ray pressed his lips to Nick in a deep kiss before plopping down on the couch next to his lover as close as possible. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to be so late."

"It's okay. Harold let me in. Pizza's cold, though." Nick gestured to a half-eaten pizza on the coffee table. "I got hungry."

"Don't blame you." Ray leaned forward and snatched up a slice.

Nick stood. "I'm going to get a beer. You want wine?"

"Yeah, thanks." Ray stuffed a bite of pizza in his mouth. He watched Nick disappear toward the kitchen, watching his perfect ass all the way. Wow, he could so get used to coming home to someone every night. Who was he kidding? Not just someone...Nick.

Unfortunately, it was obvious to Ray that Nick didn't feel that way about him. He'd realized it by the way Nick reacted to the suggestion of meeting his family. Ray was moving way too fast for Nick.

Ray was no youngster feeling his way through relationships. Now in his thirties, he knew what he wanted and saw no point in beating around the bush. It was going to take some restraint on his part not to push Nick. But the truth was, Ray really liked him. A lot. As in maybe even...long term commitment.

Nick returned with a bottle of beer--thanks to Harold, Ray's fridge stocked plenty now--and a glass of red wine, which he handed to Ray.

Only a week now until his parents' anniversary dinner and still no answer from Nick. The last week they'd been together pretty much constantly. They'd decided to spend this Monday night the same way they'd spent last Monday night, with the pizza and movie. Only this time he'd gotten stuck seeing patients. Except for Wednesday and Thursday of last week, Nick had slept over at Ray's house.

"You bring your overnight bag?" Ray asked, hoping he sounded casual.

Nick gave him one of his killer-watt smiles. "Sure did."

Ray returned his smile and hoped he didn't look as ridiculously relieved as he felt. Crazy, but he was starting to feel way too much for Nick and he feared rejection at every turn. Nick was already the most responsive lover he'd ever had.

"What movie are we going to watch?" Ray had decided after the fiasco of their first movie together he would allow Nick to pick the movie. Last week had been Serpico of all things. He'd teased Nick about picking a costume drama. They'd both laughed about that.

"Steel Magnolias."

Ray's jaw dropped open. "Say what?"

Nick laughed. "Kidding. Lethal Weapon."

Ray rolled his eyes and took a large swallow of wine. "Two things, Nick."

"Hmm?" the sandy-haired beauty asked innocently.

"First, don't you watch anything besides cop dramas?"

Nick shrugged.

"And two, how about something say within like the last five years at least."

"I like old movies." Nick grinned. He opened up the DVD case and inserted it in the player. "I happen to own this one."

"Not surprised." Ray lay down on the big leather sofa and gestured for Nick. His lover lay next to him, almost on top of him, and Ray wrapped his arms around Nick's middle.

"This is nice," Nick murmured, tilting his head to give Ray access to his neck.

Ray didn't need a second invitation. His lips kissed at the pulse at Nick's throat, nibbling and suckling there. He had this savage need to mark Nick as his. Completely irrational, of course. He moved his hands up under his lover's shirt, seeking to caress his chest.

"God, you're getting me hard," Nick said.

Ray chuckled against his throat. "That's the idea."

He stroked his thumbs over Nick's nipples, thrilled with the way the other man shook in reaction. He'd loved discovering that Nick loved his nipples played with. He pushed Nick's T-shirt up to his armpits.

"Anyone ever tell you that you're fucking beautiful?" Ray asked.

Laughter rumbled in Nick's chest. "I don't think anyone's quite put it that way. Other than you, that is."

"Well, damn, you are. I can't seem to stop myself from touching you."

Nick groaned as Ray's hands spanned his ribcage. "Who's asking you to stop?"

Ray's tongue shot out to lick along Nick's ear. He pulled Nick's earlobe with his teeth. "I want to be inside you so much."

Nick unsnapped his jeans and rose a little to push them and his briefs down, exposing his ass and cock to Ray's greedy hands. "I sure hope Harold doesn't decide to come in here to clean up."

Ray laughed. "Yeah, he'd get quite the eyeful." His wandering hands inched down to Nick's erection. He closed his fingers along the hard length.

"Ah, geez," Nick moaned.

Ray licked his lips, staring down at the drop of pre-cum pearling on the tip of Nick's cock. His own balls tightened painfully and his hard dick pressed against his trousers. "God, you're making me crazy."

Nick leaned forward, reaching toward the coffee table and Ray noticed for the first time the bottle of lube and a couple of condom packets on the table. Nick scooped them up and reached back to hand them to Ray.

Ray grinned. "Thinking ahead?"

"Oh yeah." He wiggled his ass against Ray's crotch.

Ray gritted his teeth and unfastened his slacks. It took some maneuvering, being on the couch as he was, but he managed to scoot the pants and briefs down far enough to free his cock. He rubbed it along the crack of Nick's ass.

"Shit," Nick gasped. "Will you stick it in me already?"

He chuckled. That was the thing about Nick. He wasn't one for flowery words and romantic gestures. Still Ray loved how eager Nick always was. It was such a turn-on. He rolled on the condom and slicked his erection with lube before thrusting two fingers into Nick's tight, round ass. The other man hoisted his leg up onto Ray and pressed back against him, his hips moving.

"Not your damn fingers, your cock, Ray. Fuck me now. Please."

Okay, that was fucking hot.

Ray removed his fingers and replaced them with the tip of his cock. He wanted to savor this. Take his time. This last week, every time he fucked Nick it had been rushed. He couldn't seem to make himself go slow.

"Damn you." Nick pushed his ass back hard, spearing himself on Ray's erection. Ray had no choice but to fill Nick completely.

"Ah, fuck," Ray groaned. He gripped Nick's hips to keep him still for a moment. His cock was ready to explode. Blowing out a breath, Ray began to move, thrusting slowly. Nick closed tight around his length, squeezing. The orgasm tingled up his spine. "Not yet."

"What?" Nick gasped.

"I'm already ready to come," Ray said. He clenched his teeth and reached for Nick's cock. "You're so damn tight."

"God, that's so good," Nick gasped.

Ray reached around to roll Nick's nipples between his thumbs and index fingers. Nick twisted his head until he could reach Ray's lips. Ray gladly returned the searching kiss. The man had the sweetest lips. His tongue tasted of pizza and beer.

"I'm gonna come, too!" Nick gave a low keening cry, tensing. He gasped, and shot out all over himself.

Ray tried to slow down, tried to make himself last but Nick coming and clenching his ass around Ray's cock made it nearly impossible. He increased his thrusts, shaking and shuddering with his own release as his balls slapped against Nick's cheeks. He roared his lover's name as the powerful orgasm hit him.

Nick leaned back against him. Ray kissed the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him. "So what is happening in the movie?"

Nick laughed. "What movie? Who knows?"

Ray chuckled and squeezed him closer. He loved the feeling of still being inside Nick's ass. It seemed somehow so intimate.

Nick's cell phone sprang to vibrating life on the coffee table. He sighed. "I'd better get that." He leaned forward and snagged up the phone. He frowned. "What? Caleb?"

Ray pulled out and let Nick sit up. He rubbed Nick's shoulders, noticing the immediate knots in his back.

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." He closed the phone and glanced over his shoulder at Ray. His blue eyes glistened with tears. "My brother's been in an accident. That was the hospital."

Ray nodded. "Let's get dressed, Nick. We'll go together."

Nick stepped inside the hospital room incredibly grateful for the presence of the man beside him. His legs were just a little wobbly as he approached his little brother's bedside.

The doctor said Caleb would be okay. He had a concussion and some facial contusions, but otherwise had been really lucky.

He swallowed his fear and gazed down at Caleb. He looked so damn pale. Just above his nineteen-year-old brother's left eye was a bandage. That eye was black and blue, too. There was a two inch scratch on his chin, also.

Caleb opened his eyes and smiled just a bit. "Hey."

Nick fought to return the smile. He thought he was successful. "Hey yourself, kid. Has Mom been here to see you?"

"Nah, no one knows where she is, as usual," Caleb said, softly. His blue eyes looked beyond Nick to Ray, who stood stoically behind him. "Who is that?"

Nick grasped Caleb's hand and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. "That's Dr. Ray Carmichael. He's my...boyfriend." He'd hesitated a little, but it seemed a natural enough word to use at this point.

"Oh." Caleb stared at Ray with renewed interest.

"Nice to meet you, Caleb," Ray said. "Sorry it's not in better circumstances."

"Me, too."

"How do you feel?" Nick asked.

"Sort of like I hit a tree." Caleb attempted a laugh, and then winced. "Head hurts."

"Yeah, the doctor said they want to keep you here for a night or two. Listen, Caleb, you weren't drinking or doing drugs or anything, were you?"

Caleb's soft gaze turned immediately hard. "No."

"Are you sure? Because if they tested you and found out you were under the influence--"

"Easy," Ray said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"I wasn't under the influence, Nicky."

Nick nodded. "Okay, but you know, I have to ask. I need to know if there's a chance they'll charge you with anything."

"Fuck you," Caleb said, closing his eyes.

"Caleb." Nick's gut twisted.

His brother looked at him again. "Is this my brother asking me, or is this an official police interrogation? Do I need to get a lawyer?"

Nick felt about an inch tall. He hung his head. What a jerk he was. Caleb had every right to be pissed at him. He was just worried Caleb would get into trouble. He didn't want that. Couldn't handle his brother becoming just like their mother.

"It's okay, Caleb," Ray spoke up. "I'm sure Nick just wants to be sure so he knows if he needs to help you with that."

He swallowed. He shot Ray a look of gratitude. "Yeah. Sorry, kid. I don't mean to be overbearing. I'm worried."

Caleb squeezed his hand. "All right. I'm sorry, too. But, honest, Nicky, it was just an accident. I was trying to change the radio and got distracted."

Nick smiled. "I'm so glad you're not hurt worse. You look terrible."

"They gave me pain pills but they were nasty." Caleb sighed. "Do you know if they called Becca?" Becca was Caleb's girlfriend.

"I don't know, but I'll call her myself to make sure," Nick promised. "I'll try to find Mom, too."

Caleb shook his head. "Why bother? She doesn't care, anyway."

The threat of tears burned Nick's eyes. Why the fuck did their mom have to be the way she was?

"How about Vanessa?" Nick asked, referring to their sister. "Do you know where she is?"

"I think she'd said she was going to her friend's house. A friend from school. She stays there a lot these days. She fights a lot with mom."

"What friend? Do you know?"

Caleb wrinkled his nose. "Um, I can't think of her name. Shelley or Pam or something. Sorry."

"It's okay. I'll find her. You want her to come see you?" Nick squeezed his hand.

"Okay," Caleb said, sounding very tired.

Nick stood and leaned over the bed railing to kiss Caleb's forehead. "You get some rest. I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Nicky. Nice to meet you, Ray."

Ray smiled and touched Caleb's hand. "You, too. See you later."

Nick waved at his brother and went through the room door. He leaned against the wall outside Caleb's room. "Thanks for that, Ray. I was floundering in there."

"No problem. I know the doctor on Caleb's case pretty well. I'll talk to him, make sure everything's good."

He blew out a heavy breath. "I hate to see him that way. Looking so pale and young. We were pretty little when my dad left."

"They're lucky they have you," Ray said. "Want to get some coffee in the cafeteria? It's pretty bad, I'll warn you."

"Good idea. I can make my calls there." Nick straightened from the wall. The whole family thing had Nick re-thinking his reluctance to meet Ray's family. "Ray, about Saturday."

"Yeah?"

"I'll come and meet your family."

Nick had decided to drive himself to Ray's parents' house. He could have just gone with Ray, but something made him decide he was better off meeting at the house. Uneasiness had filled him ever since he'd awakened that morning. He couldn't explain the apprehension. Sure, he was nervous, but that shouldn't cause his stomach to be in knots.

Of course, he'd almost decided meeting Ray was a mistake. The Pinto had been shuddering and coughing the entire way to the Carmichaels' home. At least he made it. He parked the car on the street and glanced at the house.

The good thing was that Ray's parents didn't live in Bel Air like Ray did. They lived in a somewhat modest Culver City neighborhood. Their two-story house looked recently painted and had a homey feel to it. Front lawn was neatly manicured, too.

Exhaling deeply, Nick got out of the Pinto and locked it. He was supposed to have been here by four, but his nerves caused him to delay leaving for so long it was now closer to five. He winced. Ray had even finally called to find out what happened to him. He didn't like being late and the guilt of it hung over him.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and headed up the driveway. At least Caleb was out of the hospital and being tended to by the loyal Becca. That eased his mind considerably.

Nick hadn't known how to dress for the evening. In his experience, gatherings at people's homes were pretty casual, so he'd opted for the jeans and a burgundy long sleeved sweater. Fortunately, he'd thought to shave his usual stubble. He stopped before the big wooden door and, taking a deep breath, rapped on it.

Just as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door, it occurred to him he should have brought something with him. Wine or something.

Nick, you're an idiot sometimes.

A young African American girl of about eleven peered out at him. She wore a pretty pink dress. Her brows scrunched up, she said, "Sorry, you're not supposed to solicit here." She pointed to a No Solicitation sign.

"No, I'm--" Nick started to explain just as the girl went to close the door in his face. He put his foot in the way.

"Mom!" she screamed, trying to push him out with the door. "There's some psycho at the door trying to get in!"

"What? Caroline, what's going on?" A woman's voice came from inside.

"No, wait," Nick protested. "I'm expected."

That stopped the girl, Caroline, Nick supposed. She stared at him, the door still poised to close. "By who?"

"Ray. Ray Carmichael."

Just then a pretty ebony skinned woman appeared behind the girl. She frowned at him. "You're Nick?"

Nick nodded.

"I'm Ray's sister, Gina, and this is my daughter, Caroline." She stepped aside to let him in. "I'm sorry, Ray didn't mention you were a white man."

"Nice to meet you," Nick said, stepping inside, wondering why Ray didn't think to warn his family the man he was seeing was white. Already he could tell he was way underdressed. Gina wore an elegant ivory pantsuit.

He glanced around the front hall. It was striking and elegant with mauve and tan colors. Very polished. Nothing like his crappy apartment.

"Hey, it's about time you got here," Ray called, coming into the hall. He put his arm around Nick's shoulder and drew him in close for a very quick peck on the lips.

Taking in Ray's gray dress slacks and white and gray pin-striped dress shirt, Nick winced. He felt like he was in some sort of period drama where people dressed for dinner or something. "Um, sorry I'm late and sorry I'm a bit underdressed."

Ray smiled. "I'm just glad you're here. Come on into the living room and meet everyone. You've already met Gina and my niece."

Nick followed him into the next room feeling somewhat like a grease monkey. Some day he would grow a brain.

The sea of faces waiting for him in the living room swam before his eyes. His gut roiled.

You can do this, Nick.

If he ever wanted a relationship with someone, he would have to meet the family. He knew that. But did he have to meet the whole fucking family at once? Well, there was one familiar person there. He recognized the displeased face of Ray's brother, Devon, among the crowd.

Shit. Why hadn't he thought of Devon and his case against the police for the beating? Now that he thought of it, he shouldn't even be here. It was probably a huge mistake. Even if Ray's family didn't chase him from the house with pitchforks, it was a big conflict of interest. He closed his eyes for a moment, his stomach sinking and his heart racing frantically in his chest. Probably dating Ray was, too, now that he thought of it . Oh, fuck. He was in trouble. He'd better say something to Captain Kent when he got into work on Monday.

Ray closed a hand over Nick's arm and drew him toward an older couple. The man wore a suit, for crying out loud. He very much suspected the couple was Ray's parents.

"This is my father and mother, Randolph and Amelia Carmichael. They've been married forty years. This is Nick Sorenson."

Nick stuck his hand out and Randolph Carmichael took it.

"You're late, young man," Ray's father said. "You were supposed to have been here an hour ago."

"Dad," Ray protested.

Ray's father ignored him. "Are you generally late?"

"N-no, sir. I'm very sorry." Nick felt the heat radiating from his cheeks. Damn. He turned to Ray's mother. "Ma'am. Happy Anniversary."

"Thank you," she said somewhat primly. "Tell me, Nick, how did you meet my boy?"

Nick's heart stuttered and he glanced at Ray for assistance, but Ray seemed to be having a private word with his father. He licked his lips. "We met at my work."

"What is it you do?"

"I'll tell you what he does, Mama." Devon pushed through to where Nick stood with his mother. "This man is a cop."

Her eyes widened. "Oh?"

All conversation in the room died. Everyone turned in their direction. Maybe he imagined it, but Nick could feel overwhelming hostility in the room. Aimed at him.

"You're not one of the men who beat my boy, are you?" Mrs. Carmichael demanded.

"No, ma'am."

Devon smirked. He was holding a glass of what looked like whiskey. "No, Mama. He's one of the ones who are covering up for those men. Ask him how the investigation into my beating is going. Ask him if they are disciplining the cops that nearly killed me."

"Devon, no." Ray grabbed his brother's arm, anger all over his face. "Stop this. I invited Nick here. He's a guest."

"Why did you? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you so desperate for a man, Ray, you resort to someone like him?" Devon sneered. "A skinny, skanky little white boy. A white cop."

"Shut up," Ray said.

Devon laughed. "Or is that all part of the master plan, Ray? Are you fucking him so he'll make sure things go our way? Why bother? Cops are all the same. They stick together, Ray. He's probably laughing behind your back."

The ugly words and accusations swirled around Nick's head. This is why he didn't do families. Families were cruel and vicious. He backed up a step. Two steps. He was aware that Ray was speaking, maybe someone else was, too, but he'd ceased to listen to them. He had to get out of there. Had to leave. Get away.

Nick turned and hurried from the living room and for the front door. He couldn't breathe. He wrenched open the door and ran outside, trying to catch his breath. He bent at the waist, heaving great gasps of air.

"Nick!"

He shook his head and hurried the rest of the way to his car. He unlocked it and opened the door. Ray followed him to the street. Fear and sadness filled Ray's dark eyes.

"Nick, please. Don't go. I'm sorry. Devon's an ass. I swear he won't bother you again."

"I can't go back in there, Ray. Everyone looking at me. Judging me," Nick said. "I wish I could." He got into his car and started it.

"Nick," Ray pleaded.

He shook his head, swallowed down misery, and drove away, watching Ray in the rearview mirror looking as defeated as he felt. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him. He should have listened to his instincts. Families meant only heartache and pain and disappointment.

Nick had driven only about five miles when the Pinto lurched suddenly, coughed, and started spewing smoke. He pulled over and the vehicle died on the side of the street.

"Great, just great."

He punched the steering wheel, then took out his cell phone and glanced around the area. Not the greatest location and it was definitely getting dark. He didn't want to be here for long. He had his gun, but he didn't much like the idea of needing it. In his years in the force he'd only ever had to fire it on the firing range. Biting his lip, he pressed the number he'd most recently programmed into his phone. Probably making yet another mistake.

"Nick? Nick? Where are you?" Ray's voice came on the line immediately.

"My car broke down. I can call the auto club or even someone from the force."

"Where are you? I'll come get you."

Nick sighed. "No, I don't want you to have to leave your parents' party."

"I'm leaving anyway, Nick. I was coming after you. I'm already in the car. Where are you?"

Nick told him the area.

"Stay put, I'll be there soon."

Nick got out of the car and stood by it, keeping his eyes peeled on the area around him. It wasn't the worse neighborhood, but it could be problematic. He hated to think of Ray leaving the party because of him. He'd never meant to cause any issues.

Ray pulled up behind him, got out, and hurried toward him. To his surprise, Ray pulled him into his arms and gave him a big bear hug. "I'm sorry."

Nick hugged him back, heaviness in his chest. "It's not your fault my car broke down," Nick said, in a lame attempt at levity. He tightened the hug, loving the warm feel of him.

Ray pulled back and studied him. "Come home with me. I'll fix us a nice dinner and you can spend the night. Please?"

"Your family--"

"I love my family,. You know I do. But right now I'm really pissed."

"I didn't want that to happen."

"I know." Ray nodded. "We'll get past this. We've gotten past a lot before. Right now, I want to be with you. Please?"

Nick smiled and took Ray's hand. "I'd like nothing better than to go home with you." He glanced back at the Pinto. "I can't just leave it."

"I've called the tow truck. Should be here soon." Ray closed his hand over Nick's. "Why the Pinto, Nick? Really?"

He leaned against Ray's car. "You'll think it's stupid."

"No, I won't. Try me."

Nick pushed back the emotion. "When my dad left us all those years ago, the only thing he left behind, besides us, of course, was that Pinto." He shrugged. "I know it's crazy. He didn't love us. But it's the only thing I have of his, you know? So, I can't get rid of it. I can't."

"You don't have to," Ray assured him. "And I don't think it's stupid. But, I do think you need a safe, reliable car. Keep the Pinto. Just don't use it as your main car."

Nick nodded, smiling. "I know you're right." The tow truck pulled down the street toward them. "Thanks, Ray, for everything."

Mid-morning on Sunday, Nick slipped out of Ray's house and onto his backyard deck. The air was crisp and fresh. He inhaled. He was definitely not looking forward to the hot weather coming up. He leaned against the railing. He really liked this place. It had a comforting feeling. Sort of like Ray. For some reason, Nick felt safe and secure whenever Ray was around. Kind of strange considering Nick was a police officer. He was the protective one. Or supposed to be, anyway. Maybe it had something to do with Ray being a doctor. He didn't know.

They'd had a good night. A really good night. After the terrible scene at Ray's parents' house, he was shocked how well things went. Ray cooked fish, they'd cuddled by the fireplace, and had great sex. Slept some, woke up and had more great sex.

Ray had been on the phone practically all morning. When Nick had finally left him to his conversation, Ray had been on the phone with his campaign manager. It was easy to sometimes forget Ray wanted to be a politician. He shuddered. He absolutely hated the idea of such a thing. But it certainly showed how far the gay community had come if a gay man could be an elected politician. Not that Ray had been elected yet.

The sliding glass door to the house slid open and Nick turned to see Ray coming outside. He was frowning.

"Something wrong?"

"I can't find out anything about my brother's case. Damn cops are stalling again."

Nick licked his lips and looked away, his stomach twisting. "Sorry. I don't really know anything about it now that I'm off the case." He hoped like hell Ray would drop the subject. He'd been having a good time.

"Goddamn fucking cops," Ray snarled, approaching the railing. "They're all the same."

He could not let that pass. He just could not. "Uh, Ray, I'm a cop."

"Not you." Ray shook his head dismissively.

"The thing is, Ray, when you say things like 'all cops are the same,' you are talking about me."

Ray eyed him. "This isn't about you, Nick."

"Yeah, yeah, it is. I am a police officer. When you say bullshit stuff like all cops are corrupt and the same," Nick paused, shrugging, "well, it hurts a little."

"You're the exception," Ray insisted. "You're good, Nick. I know you aren't corrupt. You aren't the problem."

Nick knew he should let it go. Let it stop bothering him. Not let it make him angry. But it did. He couldn't just dismiss it. And the more he ignored it the more troublesome it would become. "How do you know?"

Ray stared at him, his face still angry. "How do I know what?"

Nick crossed his arms and faced him. "How do you know I'm not corrupt? How do you know I'm not on the take? If you think all police officers are tainted, then why in the world would you trust me?"

Ray frowned. "I just know."

"Why? Because we're sleeping together?" Nick demanded. "What if we weren't, Ray? Would you still believe I wasn't on the take?"

"Nick."

He needed to stop. The anger was getting to him. The injustice and the unfairness. But goddamn it, he'd had enough. He plunged ahead, "Really, you're just like you're brother, Ray. You think exactly like Devon."

"No, I don't."

"Oh, yeah, you do." Nick nodded. "You judge all cops the same. You don't know every fucking police officer out there, but we're all the same. We can't be trusted. We always stick together. We cover for each other." He jabbed a finger at Ray. "You thought I was covering for those assholes that beat the shit out of your brother until you started screwing me."

"Don't be crude."

Nick laughed. It sounded harsh to his own ears. "I don't cover for anyone, Ray. I respect and protect our citizens. I go out of my way to see that everything is done by the book. I always have. I have integrity and ethics and I want to do right."

"I know, Nick. I believe that." Ray pushed Nick's finger away from his face. "I already said you are exceptional."

"But I'm not!"

"Stop yelling."

"This isn't going to work," Nick said, his chest suddenly hurting with the intense pounding of his heart. "Prejudice is wrong, Ray. Don't you see that?"

"Of course."

"Judging someone by the color of their skin is wrong, but so is judging someone by their uniform."

Ray backed up a step. "Don't you dare lecture me about prejudice, Nick. You have no idea. No clue what it's really like."

His stomach lurched, twisted. He shook his head. "You think a good police officer is an exception. I think cops like the ones that beat Devon are the exception. Can't you see how that's not going to work?"

"What? What isn't going to work?"

"Us. Do you know who my friends are?" Nick asked. "Police officers. We can never have a barbecue with my friends because I'd always think you'd hate them. And your family...I'd always be worried they hated me or were going to say something to me."

"No, they wouldn't. I'd make sure of it, Nick."

"You shouldn't have to make sure. Don't you see? We can't do this. There are just too many differences."

"No." Ray stepped forward again and took a closer step toward him. "Look, you're just upset. I came out here all grouchy and I'm sorry."

Nick turned away. "It shouldn't be this hard. Trying to have a relationship shouldn't be this hard."

Ray touched his arm and turned him to face him. "What are you saying, Nick? Sometimes things get tough. You have to work through them."

"No." Nick shook his head. "I know normal couples have problems. But not like this. We have nothing in common, Ray. The sex is awesome. But hot sex isn't worth this crap. Love shouldn't be this damn hard. And if it is, it's because it's not meant to be. It's just like that boyfriend you had in college. We're forcing it."

Ray stiffened, looking almost like Nick had slapped him.

"I like being a cop. I like it. I like my cop friends. I like doing things with them, being with them. The camaraderie. I'd do anything for most of them and they'd do anything for me. And I won't be ashamed of my service as a police officer, Ray. And I'm through feeling like I have to apologize for it."

Ray grew very quiet and just stared at him for the longest time. His dark eyes were shuttered, displaying no hint to what he was feeling or thinking. Finally, when Nick almost spoke again, he nodded and said very softly, "All right. If that's the way you really feel about things, I guess I can't argue with you. I was hoping we had maybe more than hot sex, but apparently I deluded myself."

Nick opened his mouth to say something, but the words lodged in his throat. Ray turned toward the house.

"I'm sure you'll want to leave now. I'll get my car keys and drive you to a rental car place, seeing how your car is in the shop."

"I...I could call a cab," Nick said, his voice stripped raw.

"No, I can drive you. Meet me out front. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Do you want me to drive him to the rental car place?" Harold asked him as Ray approached the front door clutching his car keys. He wasn't surprised Harold knew what was going on. The man and his wife had always been efficient.

Ray nearly said yes. It would be easier not to have to face Nick again. Just have Harold take care of it. Cowardly, too. Ray was no coward. He shook his head. "No. Thanks, Harold. It's best I do this myself."

He opened the front door and stepped outside. Nick stood by Ray's car, looking out at the street. He was so damn beautiful it hurt to look at him. Ray rubbed his chest. He could get through this. He'd taken a chance and it didn't work out. He just wished he'd stop choosing guys who didn't feel the same way as he did. Maybe it was him. Was he so horrible? Too impossible to love?

Ray made his legs carry him to the car. He clicked the button for the automatic locks. Without looking at him, Nick opened the passenger door and sat down. Ray got in and started the car.

They drove the few blocks to the rental place in silence. Ray didn't feel the need to make small talk with the man who was crushing him under his feet. And what else was there to say about their relationship? Nick felt like he was being forced to make it work with Ray. Enough said.

He pulled into the parking lot and stopped near the entrance. Nick's hand hesitated on the door handle. Out of the corner of his eye, Ray saw Nick bite his lip and glance in Ray's direction. Ray kept his gaze straight ahead.

"Listen, Ray, I...thanks for everything," Nick said softly.

"Sure."

Nick turned the handle. "I-I'm sorry."

Ray swallowed. He couldn't turn to look at him. If Ray did, he would resort to begging. He couldn't disrespect himself like that. "Yeah. See you."

Nick stepped out of the car and closed the door. Ray drove away without looking to see if Nick went inside the building. He had to get away. It would be impossible to hold himself together much longer.

A block away his cell chirped. His brother, Devon. He grabbed up his headset and connected. "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm in my car. Driving home from the rental car place."

"Rental? You have problems with your car?"

"No. Nick's car broke down." Ray grimaced. It hurt to say his name.

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night. I guess I had a little too much to drink," Devon said.

"Yeah, you did."

"I was a real asshole. I'm sorry. I know your boyfriend didn't have anything to do with what happened to me."

"He's not." Ray's throat clogged with emotion.

"He's not what?"

"My boyfriend. It's over. We aren't seeing each other anymore."

"Whoa, is that my fault?"

Ray wished he could blame it on his brother. But the truth was it went way deeper than Devon's performance last night at his parents' home. Nick didn't care about Ray the way Ray cared about him. If he did, he would have wanted to find a way to get past their differences. Even celebrate them. Nick had touched on it a bit with the wine and beer and that had given Ray hope. They didn't have to like the same things, think the same way. It was okay to be different. Now, he knew he'd had it all wrong.

"No, it's mostly mine. I thought we really had something going, you know. But Nick didn't."

"Sorry, man."

"Yeah. I'll call you later in the week. I'll call Mom and Dad, too. Tell them I'm sorry about last night. I guess I should have stayed at the party." He'd thought he was doing the right thing, sticking by his man. "Bye, Devon."

Nick walked into the station the next morning ten minutes late. He had barely slept the night before, the fight he'd had with Ray playing over and over in his head. The look on Ray's face as he walked away at the rental place. He went directly to the small kitchen where the coffee pot was kept.

"Sorenson, in my office now," Captain Kent yelled, sticking his head out of his office.

Nick frowned and set his coffee mug down. He glanced at a few of the other detectives seated at their desks, but they weren't looking at him. In fact, it appeared to Nick they avoided his gaze on purpose. Something was up. His stomach twisted in knots.

He knocked.

"Come in."

He opened the door, walked in, and closed it again. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Sit down, Sorenson."

Nick sat in the uncomfortable metal chair in front of his desk.

Kent sighed. "I'm a man of few words, Nick. I don't believe in beating around the bush. Turn over your badge and gun."

"What?" Nick felt his face drain of color.

"As of now you are on paid suspension. Headquarters knows about your...relationship with Ray Carmichael. It doesn't look good for the force, Nick. It's compromising the investigation into the alleged beating of Devon Carmichael."

"But, I'm not on the case."

Kent shrugged. "You're still IA. If you'd come to me and told me what you were doing, I might have been able to help. But now others have reported your behavior. You were seen going to the Carmichael family home. And you've spent a lot of time with Dr. Carmichael."

A sense of dread filled him. Were those assholes who'd hassled them at the bar behind this? "Seen? Has Internal Affairs been following me?"

Captain Kent shifted. "Look, Nick, even if you weren't on my team, they would have sought your suspension. It doesn't look good for us. The Carmichael case is all over the press and they're eating this up. Dr. Carmichael is running on a platform of doing away with police corruption and you're suddenly his boyfriend? It looks like he's got an insider on the force. Frankly, a lot of the guys aren't going to be too friendly with you right now. It's probably best you take some time off." He paused. "Be grateful it's paid. I had to fight for that. Your badge and gun, please."

Nick reached for his gun, removed it from the holster and set it down carefully on the desk. He tossed his badge next to it. He fought the queasiness threatening. He thought about mentioning that he and Ray were through, but the words...the thought...stuck in his throat.

"You should be hearing from the union rep about next steps."

"How long will it be?"

"Not sure. They'll have to do a full investigation. Your union rep can help. Sorry, I wish it could be different."

Nick nodded and stood. His gun and badge blurred before his eyes. He nodded again, realized he probably looked like a fool, and turned and left the captain's office.

This time the other detectives sitting around the squad room didn't look away. They gave him undisguised hostile looks. He knew the score. He was a traitor to the force now as far as they were concerned. He was sleeping with the enemy.

No, not anymore.

His life was majorly fucked up.

Nick sat on his beat up old couch in front of his normal-sized television watching daytime television. He'd gotten so used to being at Ray's house his apartment seemed even shabbier and lonelier than ever. Ever since losing his job...okay, being on suspension...he seemed to have done nothing but watch television for two weeks straight. He had little enthusiasm for anything else. A couple of days he'd gone over to help at the mission, but he'd stayed away from the Big Brother program. Too many of his fellow police officers were involved. It was too painful. Of course, guilt ate at him for weaseling out of it.

He was pathetic. No job, no boyfriend.

Coming up next was a soap opera he'd been watching. He had gotten real acquainted with game shows, talk shows, judge shows, and soaps. He closed his eyes and tried to push away the wave of misery creeping in.

He'd talked to his union representative and the news didn't sound promising. His rep said he could lose his job. The idea of no longer being a police officer had never before occurred to him. Now, he thought about little else.

Well, that wasn't true. He thought about Ray. Constantly. He hated the way it had ended. Hated that it had ended at all, actually. And it was all his fault. Yeah, he was smarting over the way Ray viewed the police, but he'd overreacted and lashed out. So many times he wanted to pick up the phone and call Ray or even go see him. But what could he say? Sorry didn't seem enough.

Nick jumped when a loud knock sounded on his front door. Fuck, now he was jumpy. He got up and opened the door.

"Hello, Nick," Devon Carmichael greeted him.

Nick stared, his tired brain unable to figure out why this man would be here.

Devon frowned. "Man, you reek. When was the last time you showered?"

"I-I don't know," Nick admitted. He realized he hadn't bothered in several days. He probably looked like hell. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yes, I want to talk to you about Ray."

"Ray?" He stood aside and let Devon in. "Is he all right?"

Devon looked around with undisguised horror. "Was this place ransacked?"

"Um, no." Nick felt his face grow hot. He reached over and switched on a lamp. "Is Ray okay?"

"No, but looks like he's doing better than you." Devon frowned. "I tried contacting you at the police station. They said you'd been suspended."

Nick swallowed. "Yes. Over my involvement with Ray and your family."

"I heard. I'm sorry. I never meant that to happen."

"Thanks. I guess I should have considered how it would look, but the truth is, I really liked Ray, so I just didn't think about it." Stupid.

Devon nodded. "Listen, that's why I'm here." He looked around and his gaze landed on the dining room table and chairs. "Is it safe to sit down?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm never much of a housekeeper, but the last two weeks have been hell." Nick went to the dining room and cleaned papers, mail and other clutter off chairs. They both sat.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you," Devon said. "I was angry at how things didn't seem to be moving forward. I knew you weren't involved." He sighed. "Honestly, Nick, I know that not all cops are bad. Even though I didn't do anything to deserve the beating I got, I know it's not all cops and I know you probably weren't trying to stall anything or cover anything up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not saying changes in the police don't have to be made, but I do know you aren't part of the problem. Ray knows it, too. And about Ray, if what I said on that night caused you to end things with him, well, I'm more sorry than you can know. I love my brother. He's the best older brother anyone could have. It took me a long time to accept it when he told us he was gay, but I did accept it and I want him to be happy."

"Me, too," Nick whispered. "I miss him."

Devon smiled. "Yeah? That's good to know. He really likes you, Nick. I've never seen him this hung up on a guy before. Your breakup has hurt him badly. That's why I'm here. I don't know what your issues are, what the problem is, but if it was my fault, I want you to know I'd be happy for the two of you to be together. I'll really try to accept things. If that isn't the problem, well, I don't know what it is, but maybe you can try to work it out?"

Nick looked away from his piercing gaze. "I don't know. I said some pretty brutal things." His stomach flipped. He was feeling queasy again.

Devon stood. "I've taken up enough of your time. But think about it, will you?"

Nick stood in front of Ray's front door and wondered if he should turn and get back into the car and drive away. This was turning out to be harder than he even thought. What if Ray told him to get lost? He might have decided they had too many differences after all. The only way to know, he guessed, was to knock.

At least he felt better for having showered and shaved. He'd even cleaned up his apartment. It was more than past time he got his act together. He rapped on the door.

Harold opened the door a few moments later. He looked surprised. "Nick?"

"Yeah. Is Ray home, Harold?"

"He is." Harold let him in. "Should I go get him? He's in the living room."

"No." Nick licked his lips. "I'll go. Thanks."

He walked down the hall toward Ray's living room. He reached the doorway and peered in. Ray was at his desk on the phone, writing something down.

"Right, right," Ray said. Then he glanced at the doorway and noticed Nick. His knuckles tightened on the phone. "Martin, I have to go. I'll call you back." He returned the phone to its cradle and stood. "Nick?"

He smiled or at least he hoped it was a smile. He was so unsure of everything. "I-Ray," he croaked out. Nick cleared his throat and decided to try again. "I'm sorry, Ray."

Ray stared at him, his expression unreadable. "About what?"

Figures Ray wasn't going to make this easy.

"About everything," Nick said softly. "I'm going crazy. These last two weeks have been terrible. I can't sleep or eat. I've been practically living like a hermit. Devon came to see me. He said you've been miserable."

"I have been." Ray took a step toward him. They stood only inches apart. "I can't stop thinking about you, Nick."

"I can't stop thinking about you, too." Nick ran his hand through his hair. "I-I've been suspended from the force."

"Devon told me when he found out. I tried talking to Captain Kent, telling him you didn't do anything wrong, but he said it was out of his hands."

"You talked to Captain Kent?"

"Yeah," Ray said, he reached out and caressed Nick's arm. "I know how important it is to you. I want only the best for you, Nick. I care a lot about you."

A lump formed in Nick's throat. "I want what's best for you, too."

"Do you know what that is?" Ray took a final step toward Nick. Hardly any space separated them.

Nick exhaled shakily. "I hope maybe it's me."

Ray smiled broadly. "Good answer." He pulled Nick into his arms and kissed him. Their tongues tangled, tasting each other, but it was a sweet kiss, filled with tenderness. After a while, Ray broke the kiss. "What about our differences? We still have so many."

"We do. I'm still not sure you would trust me if you weren't sleeping with me."

Ray shook his head. "At first I didn't trust you even though I did want you. But I got to know you. I know you're honest, kind, good, and ethical. I didn't learn that from having sex with you, Nick. I learned that from you."

Relief and hope filled him. Maybe he hadn't screwed up everything after all. "Then, you'll give me another chance?"

Ray hugged him tight. "God, yes. I'm sorry, too, Nick. I'll try to be more open-minded as far as the police are concerned. I'll try."

"Thanks. Of course, I'm not even sure I'll be on the force anymore," Nick admitted, the prospect dimming his good mood just a bit.

"You will. But if you aren't, well, you'll be okay. You can even move in with me."

"I'm not looking for a sugar daddy."

"Good, because I'm not offering one," Ray said. "But I know if the force is stupid enough to fire you, you'll land on your feet. You'll find something else. I have no doubts about you. You're very smart. You can do anything."

Nick kissed him, putting as much passion as he could convey in the kiss. He felt ridiculously happy at Ray's confidence in him. He prayed it was not misplaced. "Even still, I think I'm all right for now. I'm not in danger of starving. They're still paying me for now."

"I won't push you. Take your time, Nick. You can decide when you want to move in."

Nick thought someday, probably soon, he would want to do just that. He'd never had a boyfriend before and he wanted to take it slow, but he liked that Ray wouldn't push him. He was nearly overwhelmed with gratitude. And he felt something else. He could feel Ray's erection pressing against him. His own cock filled and pushed against the restraints of his clothing. He bit his lip. "Ray?"

"Hmm?" Ray nuzzled his neck.

"Have you ever been fucked?" he blurted out.

Ray stiffened, and then laughed. "Uh, yeah, though it's been a while." His dark eyes were filled with merriment. "Is that what you have in mind?"

Nick grinned. "Well, yeah. We haven't done that yet. But I don't want to rush you."

By way of answer, Ray grabbed his hand and tugged him down the hall toward his bedroom. He closed the door and started unfastening his pants.

They never spent a lot of time trying to undress each other. They'd gotten into the pattern of just getting to work on their own clothes. Nick laughed at Ray's eagerness, but quickly shed his clothes, too. He felt better than he had in a long time. "The lube and condoms in the bathroom?"

"Yes," Ray said, shucking his underwear.

Nick hurried into the master bathroom and scooped up the supplies. He tossed the lube on the bed and tore open the condom wrapper. Shit, he felt as excited as he had his first time. His hands shook as he rolled the latex over his hard cock. But, um, should he maybe do some foreplay or something? Hell, he was a guy and so was Ray. Did he really need to do a lot of that sort of stuff to make Ray happy?

Ray lay down on the bed on his stomach, his tight ass on full display. He wiggled it. "Hurry, man, I can't wait to feel you inside me."

"Shit," Nick said, moaning, figuring he had his answer. He knelt on the bed and squirted lube onto his fingers. "Ready?"

"Oh, yeah, do it, baby."

He shoved three slicked fingers into Ray's hole, wanting to spread him quickly. He bit his lip then, realizing maybe he was going too fast. Ray said it had been a while and he was probably hurting him. He knew it burned a bit. "Sorry. Too much?" His cock ached to be thrusting inside already, but didn't want to damage his lover.

"Unh-unh."

He pushed in and felt for Ray's prostate. Ray tensed and pushed up, taking Nick's fingers in deeper.

"God, Nick, want to feel your cock," Ray breathed.

Biting his lip, Nick withdrew his fingers and replaced them with the head of his dick. Closing his eyes he forced himself to go slow. He wanted to just thrust in all at once.

"Ahh," Ray gasped.

He froze. "What's wrong?"

"It stings," Ray said. "It's been a while, like I said." Ray lowered his head, breathing in. "Okay, it's better."

Nick sighed in relief. He pushed in farther, past the tight ring of muscle and waited again. "Okay?"

Ray nodded.

He slid in all the way, gritting his teeth against the desire to pump fast and furiously into his lover. He was too eager. It had been a while since he'd topped. He grabbed a handful of sheets and willed himself to go slower.

"God, move, Nick." His ass rose, pushing back against Nick. "Make it hard and fast."

He needed no other urging. He pulled almost all the way out, and then pushed all the way in, pumping rapidly, his balls slapping against Ray's ass. His orgasm was close, his spine tingling with it. Damn, Ray had a great tight ass.

"Yes," Ray groaned, and the smell of semen hit Nick's nostrils.

"Ray!" he shouted, ramming the other man, his release exploding from him. "Oh, my God!" He collapsed on his lover.

They both panted heavily, gasping out breaths. Ray's muscles flexed under him.

"You know, for a little guy you're pretty heavy," Ray murmured.

Nick got off him and lay next to him on the bed. "I am not a little guy."

Ray chuckled. "If you say so."

Nick smiled and yawned. "I think I could sleep for a week."

"You still think all we have is hot sex?"

"Nah, I think we definitely have more. I admire you so much, Ray. You're a passionate, amazing guy. I'm looking forward to knowing a lot more about you. For a long time."

Ray rose up on his arms and gazed down at Nick. "Me, too. We've both learned something, I think. Sometimes we need to see the other side of things."

"I can't wait to see all your sides," Nick said, raising his eyebrows and smacking Ray's ass.

"You can't possibly be ready for more," Ray protested.

"Want to bet?"

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California.

When his best friend's younger brother gets a job at their law firm, Preston Reynolds begins to feel the same overwhelming attraction he felt for Scott Trask years earlier. But he couldn't be sexually attracted to the young gay man. Preston isn't gay.

Scott has been in love with Preston for years, but the man is straight, and he was married. And now that Preston is divorced, that doesn't mean he is any more available.

The more Preston tries to ignore his attraction, however, the more he thinks about it. Finding himself alone at the office one night with Scott, he finally surrenders to his urges. Afterward, Scott wants to talk about what happened, but Preston doesn't want to analyze it, still certain he couldn't prefer men. When Preston suggests to the openly gay man that they keep things between them secret, however, the situation comes to a head.

Both men are forced to make difficult decisions, but will their choices tear them apart forever?