Clem's Gambit
“Clem Saunders never did have a lick ‘o sense, Miss. Here, have a seat… jus’ a sec while I clear these old magazines… There. Yes, ma’am, it is a little crowded, but it’s outta th’ way and we ken talk in peace. Too much rakit down there and all…
“Oops, let me clean that off for you. Right. Where was I? Yes, ma’am it does squeak a bit. Been meaning to fix it, but it’s comfy, ain’t it? You, ah, wanna libation or someit?
“Okay, yeah, we should git started.
“Um…
“Well, sure. This is a museum, afta all, ev’yfing’s old.
“Up here? Well, missy, if’n you look ‘round, it’s the safest place. All them sensors and cameras are set up along the gutterin’, lookin’ down and out. No one can get to them with the com section looken on. There’s lotsa space here, too. Not too many buildin’s have attic space no more. And this one is the length of the buildin’.
“A fire? No, missy, the walls’re coated and we got an escape hatch anyways.
“Why do you want to record what I say? I thought you Si types just sucked the memories outta people’s heads.
“Damn right it’s impolite! Oh, okay then, you can record. If’n you want to.
“The beginning? Lemme see… Are you sure you don’ want no drink?
“Okay. Hmm. Las’ time I saw Clem was… Toosday. Yeah, Toosday, las’ night. It was my night to sit in the com section. Clem was soundin’ off about his wife agin. How she ain’t no good, that she don’ do nuthin’ right and how he has to… discipline her all the time now. So he’s goin’ about how she said she don’ want him no more. Got herself a real fine fella. Plays g-ball down at the arena. An’ man, he’s good. Wen’ an saw’d him play coupla weeks ago and wow, he hit this guy so hard, the boy… Er, yeah. Right. Sorry.
“Clem just wouldn’ shut up, so I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you’re better off without that whore…’ uuhh…‘scuse me ma’am.
“I’m sure you have, Miss, but not from me, it ain’t polite. Anyways, he’s got this plan to get her back, you know? He’s gonna go down there and take her back. I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘that boy will clean your chrono and then some’. And he says to me, ‘No, Walt, he won’t, cuz I got me a disrupter.’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you go around poppin’ people and the Si’s’ll be down on you like my missus on a choclat bar. He winked at me and said, ‘nuh, uh, Walt. I don’t care anymore. If she don’t want me, I’m gonna make sure nobody’s gonna want her’.”
“I surely did, Miss. He was madder’n a cut snake. I figured he was gonna do ‘em both.
“Do about it? What could I do about it? He walked out an’ went an’ did them things right away. Yeah, I called the cops, but he was done by the time they got there.
“Yeah, he did. Came through the door with a big shit eatin’ grin and I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘What did you do?’ an’ he said, ‘Walt, don’t worry, I dunnit already. Tha’ bitch won’t be rejectin’ nobody no more’.
“Well, now, I don’ reckon a pretty young thing like you should see it. He’s all messed up right and proper.
“You have? Lord, girl, why you do such things?
“It ain’t a job I’d like to have, and that’s a fact. But let me tell you about it so you’re unnerstan’ing how it happened, okay?
“Uhhh. Lemme think. Yeah, okay… phew. Just rememberin’ makes me queasy, y’know? Okay. Clem. He says to me ‘Walt, everythin’s fine now, don’t you worry none. I’m goin’ now.
“And I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘where do you think you’re goin’ where the Si’s won’t git you?’ He jus’ grinned an’ pointed to the… the… Seeker’s Room.
“Oh, it’s a room filled with them relics from the twentieth century back to the year dot as far as I can tell. From ships that go on the water and stuff. Ain’t had no formal education, you know.
“I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you don’ want to go messin’ with stuff you don’ unnerstan’. An’ he said, ‘Walt, I understand just fine. That dummy in there…’?
“A dummy, Miss. Y’know, one of them human-type things, made of plastic or somefin’ that people who make clothes dress up so’s you can see what it looks like.
“Okay, a mangkin. Well, as I was sayin’, Clem said to me ‘Walt,’ he said, ‘It’s covered in a map. A map that glows an’ makes people disappear. I seen it myself when Professor Gerhardt did some testing on it’.”
“Like I said, he ain’t, got a lick o’ sense. So I follows him. An’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘don’ do this. You don’ know where you’ll end up or what that cussed thing is for.’ Course, I didn’t say ‘cussed’ but what I said weren’t polite. An’ I ain’t usin’ that kinda language ‘round you…
“Sorry, ma’am, just rememberin’. Where was I?
“Yeah, so I follows him. He knowed I did, and there it was.
“Yeah. I guess the Prof didn’ think it was dangerous or that anybody would touch it, not with me and Clem and the others to watch out for it. So there she was: standin’ tall, wearing nuthin’ but a half-smile, both arms stretched out as if to hug you or… Yeah, well, I don’ think you need to know that. Clem walks up to it. He was grinnin’ like a fool.
“He says to me, ‘See Walt? It’s pain’ed all over with a map to anywhere. I can go off world and no one’s gonna know where I gone.’ An’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you don’ know nuthin’ about this! Don’ do it!’ An’ he said to me, an’ he was real angry, he said to me, ‘Walt, no bitch is ever gonna reject me agin!’
“Jus’ like that he touches her hands. An’… an’…
“I’m okay, Miss, I’m okay… Okay. Uhh, well, there was this light that jus’ went everywhere! I couldn’t see nuthin’ for a while an’ when I could… Clem was… he was…
“Yes, Miss, he was spread all over the place. Blood an’ guts an’ other stuff…. Everywhere! I… I called it in. Puked up some, but I called it in an’ went into the room. That mangkin, Miss, she weren’ smilin’ no more, she was grinnin’ like a fool. God’s truth, she was grinnin’ like a whore hittin’ the jackpot in Vegas. I know you probably don’t believe me, but…
“Uhh, you do?
“Yes, ma’am I did. I stepped right up to that mangkin. Didn’ touch it. No, ma’am, I did not touch that thing. It was pain’ed right an’ so. Kind of like… I dunno, swirls with bright points all over her.
“On her palms, ma’am. It was small writin’. But the one on the left said: ‘I will take you to the stars’.
“Right one said: ‘Behold the truth’.
“Beats me ma’am, but that’s what it said.
“Heh, heh. So, you’re saying that because he lied to himself, coz he’d done evil, the mangkin rejected him? Oh, ho! An’ Walt took it as ‘I will take you to the stars, behold the truth’ not the other way around? Missy, that is real funny!
“Do I know what the mangkin’s called? Yeah. I overhear’d the Prof talking about it. Said it was a gift from them solemn big-eyed alien types. The one’s who wear them grey robes?
“That’s what they’re called? Navi-gat-ures? What kind of a name is that?
“Yeah, the Prof said so too. That’s why I didn’ want Clem to touch it, an’ he sure wasn’t pure in intent. He ain’t had no formal education, either. What would he know about pilots? Walt musta figured that with a Navi-gat-ure pilot he could tell it to go anywhere he wanted.
“Yes, ma’am, he surely was an idiot. Well, if I’d knowed about the code, I still wouldn’t touch it. Still want to go back down there? Yes, ma’am. I’ll take you.
“That’s okay, ma’am. I’m glad to help. I knowed you want to know it all, or you would suck my thoughts outta my head.
“Yes, ma’am, that would be impolite.”
(c) J Armstrong 2003
“Oops, let me clean that off for you. Right. Where was I? Yes, ma’am it does squeak a bit. Been meaning to fix it, but it’s comfy, ain’t it? You, ah, wanna libation or someit?
“Okay, yeah, we should git started.
“Um…
“Well, sure. This is a museum, afta all, ev’yfing’s old.
“Up here? Well, missy, if’n you look ‘round, it’s the safest place. All them sensors and cameras are set up along the gutterin’, lookin’ down and out. No one can get to them with the com section looken on. There’s lotsa space here, too. Not too many buildin’s have attic space no more. And this one is the length of the buildin’.
“A fire? No, missy, the walls’re coated and we got an escape hatch anyways.
“Why do you want to record what I say? I thought you Si types just sucked the memories outta people’s heads.
“Damn right it’s impolite! Oh, okay then, you can record. If’n you want to.
“The beginning? Lemme see… Are you sure you don’ want no drink?
“Okay. Hmm. Las’ time I saw Clem was… Toosday. Yeah, Toosday, las’ night. It was my night to sit in the com section. Clem was soundin’ off about his wife agin. How she ain’t no good, that she don’ do nuthin’ right and how he has to… discipline her all the time now. So he’s goin’ about how she said she don’ want him no more. Got herself a real fine fella. Plays g-ball down at the arena. An’ man, he’s good. Wen’ an saw’d him play coupla weeks ago and wow, he hit this guy so hard, the boy… Er, yeah. Right. Sorry.
“Clem just wouldn’ shut up, so I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you’re better off without that whore…’ uuhh…‘scuse me ma’am.
“I’m sure you have, Miss, but not from me, it ain’t polite. Anyways, he’s got this plan to get her back, you know? He’s gonna go down there and take her back. I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘that boy will clean your chrono and then some’. And he says to me, ‘No, Walt, he won’t, cuz I got me a disrupter.’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you go around poppin’ people and the Si’s’ll be down on you like my missus on a choclat bar. He winked at me and said, ‘nuh, uh, Walt. I don’t care anymore. If she don’t want me, I’m gonna make sure nobody’s gonna want her’.”
“I surely did, Miss. He was madder’n a cut snake. I figured he was gonna do ‘em both.
“Do about it? What could I do about it? He walked out an’ went an’ did them things right away. Yeah, I called the cops, but he was done by the time they got there.
“Yeah, he did. Came through the door with a big shit eatin’ grin and I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘What did you do?’ an’ he said, ‘Walt, don’t worry, I dunnit already. Tha’ bitch won’t be rejectin’ nobody no more’.
“Well, now, I don’ reckon a pretty young thing like you should see it. He’s all messed up right and proper.
“You have? Lord, girl, why you do such things?
“It ain’t a job I’d like to have, and that’s a fact. But let me tell you about it so you’re unnerstan’ing how it happened, okay?
“Uhhh. Lemme think. Yeah, okay… phew. Just rememberin’ makes me queasy, y’know? Okay. Clem. He says to me ‘Walt, everythin’s fine now, don’t you worry none. I’m goin’ now.
“And I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘where do you think you’re goin’ where the Si’s won’t git you?’ He jus’ grinned an’ pointed to the… the… Seeker’s Room.
“Oh, it’s a room filled with them relics from the twentieth century back to the year dot as far as I can tell. From ships that go on the water and stuff. Ain’t had no formal education, you know.
“I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you don’ want to go messin’ with stuff you don’ unnerstan’. An’ he said, ‘Walt, I understand just fine. That dummy in there…’?
“A dummy, Miss. Y’know, one of them human-type things, made of plastic or somefin’ that people who make clothes dress up so’s you can see what it looks like.
“Okay, a mangkin. Well, as I was sayin’, Clem said to me ‘Walt,’ he said, ‘It’s covered in a map. A map that glows an’ makes people disappear. I seen it myself when Professor Gerhardt did some testing on it’.”
“Like I said, he ain’t, got a lick o’ sense. So I follows him. An’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘don’ do this. You don’ know where you’ll end up or what that cussed thing is for.’ Course, I didn’t say ‘cussed’ but what I said weren’t polite. An’ I ain’t usin’ that kinda language ‘round you…
“Sorry, ma’am, just rememberin’. Where was I?
“Yeah, so I follows him. He knowed I did, and there it was.
“Yeah. I guess the Prof didn’ think it was dangerous or that anybody would touch it, not with me and Clem and the others to watch out for it. So there she was: standin’ tall, wearing nuthin’ but a half-smile, both arms stretched out as if to hug you or… Yeah, well, I don’ think you need to know that. Clem walks up to it. He was grinnin’ like a fool.
“He says to me, ‘See Walt? It’s pain’ed all over with a map to anywhere. I can go off world and no one’s gonna know where I gone.’ An’ I said to him, ‘Clem,’ I said, ‘you don’ know nuthin’ about this! Don’ do it!’ An’ he said to me, an’ he was real angry, he said to me, ‘Walt, no bitch is ever gonna reject me agin!’
“Jus’ like that he touches her hands. An’… an’…
“I’m okay, Miss, I’m okay… Okay. Uhh, well, there was this light that jus’ went everywhere! I couldn’t see nuthin’ for a while an’ when I could… Clem was… he was…
“Yes, Miss, he was spread all over the place. Blood an’ guts an’ other stuff…. Everywhere! I… I called it in. Puked up some, but I called it in an’ went into the room. That mangkin, Miss, she weren’ smilin’ no more, she was grinnin’ like a fool. God’s truth, she was grinnin’ like a whore hittin’ the jackpot in Vegas. I know you probably don’t believe me, but…
“Uhh, you do?
“Yes, ma’am I did. I stepped right up to that mangkin. Didn’ touch it. No, ma’am, I did not touch that thing. It was pain’ed right an’ so. Kind of like… I dunno, swirls with bright points all over her.
“On her palms, ma’am. It was small writin’. But the one on the left said: ‘I will take you to the stars’.
“Right one said: ‘Behold the truth’.
“Beats me ma’am, but that’s what it said.
“Heh, heh. So, you’re saying that because he lied to himself, coz he’d done evil, the mangkin rejected him? Oh, ho! An’ Walt took it as ‘I will take you to the stars, behold the truth’ not the other way around? Missy, that is real funny!
“Do I know what the mangkin’s called? Yeah. I overhear’d the Prof talking about it. Said it was a gift from them solemn big-eyed alien types. The one’s who wear them grey robes?
“That’s what they’re called? Navi-gat-ures? What kind of a name is that?
“Yeah, the Prof said so too. That’s why I didn’ want Clem to touch it, an’ he sure wasn’t pure in intent. He ain’t had no formal education, either. What would he know about pilots? Walt musta figured that with a Navi-gat-ure pilot he could tell it to go anywhere he wanted.
“Yes, ma’am, he surely was an idiot. Well, if I’d knowed about the code, I still wouldn’t touch it. Still want to go back down there? Yes, ma’am. I’ll take you.
“That’s okay, ma’am. I’m glad to help. I knowed you want to know it all, or you would suck my thoughts outta my head.
“Yes, ma’am, that would be impolite.”
(c) J Armstrong 2003
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