about that poor little bugger, Quasimodo Dooley, carried off with the
consumption after all his trouble talking for years like an Englishman so
he could be on the BBC which is no fit place for an Irishman anyway.
Peter is talking to the men and Mikey, sipping his first pint, whis-
pers to me, I dont think I like it, but dont tell my father.Then he tells
me how he practices the English accent in secret so that he can be a
BBC announcer, Quasimodos dream. He tells me I can have Cuchu-
lain back, that hes no use to you when youre reading the news on the
BBC. Now that hes sixteen he wants to go to England and if ever I get
a wireless that will be him on the BBC Home Service.
I tell him about the marriage certificate, how Billy Campbell said it
has to be nine months but I was born in half the time and would he
know if I was some class of a miracle.
Naw, he says, naw.Youre a bastard.Youre doomed.
You dont have to be cursing me, Mikey.
Im not. Thats what they call people who arent born inside the
nine months of the marriage, people conceived beyond the blanket.
Whats that?
Whats what?
Conceived.
Thats when the sperm hits the egg and it grows and there you are
nine months later.
I dont know what youre talking about.
He whispers,The thing between your legs is the excitement. I dont
like the other names, the dong, the prick, the dick, the langer. So your
father shoves his excitement into your mother and theres a spurt and
these little germs go up into your mother where theres an egg and that
grows into you.
Im not an egg.
You are an egg. Everyone was an egg once.
Why am I doomed? Tisnt my fault Im a bastard.
All bastards are doomed.Theyre like babies that werent baptized.
Theyre sent to Limbo for eternity and theres no way out and its not
their fault. It makes you wonder about God up there on His throne
with no mercy for the little unbaptized babies. Thats why I dont go
near the chapel anymore. Anyway, youre doomed. Your father and
mother had the excitement and they werent married so youre not in
a state of grace.
What am I going to do?
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