Extreme Unction, sir. That’s right, McCourt. Not bad for a Yank from the sinful shores of Amerikay. He tells us we have to be careful to stick out our tongues far enough so that the Communion wafer won’t fall to the floor. He says,That’s the worst  thing  that  can  happen  to  a  priest. If  the  wafer  slides  off  your tongue that poor priest has to get down on his two knees, pick it up with his own tongue and lick the floor around it in case it bounced from one spot to another. The priest could get a splinter that would make his tongue swell to the size of a turnip and that’s enough to choke you and kill you entirely. He tells us that next to a relic of the True Cross the Communion wafer is the holiest thing in the world and our First Communion is the holiest moment in our lives.Talking about First Communion makes the master all excited. He paces back and forth, waves his stick, tells us we must never forget that the moment the Holy Communion is placed on our tongues we become members of that most glorious congrega- tion,the One,Holy,Roman,Catholic and Apostolic Church,that for two thousand years men, women and children have died for the Faith, that the  Irish  have  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of  in  the  martyr  department. Haven’t we provided martyrs galore? Haven’t we bared our necks to the Protestant ax? Haven’t we mounted the scaffold, singing, as if embark- ing on a picnic, haven’t we, boys? We have, sir. What have we done, boys? Bared our necks to the Protestant ax, sir. And? Mounted the scaffold singing, sir. As if ? Embarking on a picnic, sir. He says that, perhaps, in this class there is a future priest or a martyr for the Faith, though he doubts it very much for we are the laziest gang of ignoramuses it has ever been his misfortune to teach. But it takes all kinds, he says, and surely God had some purpose when He sent the likes of ye to infest this earth. Surely God had a pur- pose when among us He sent Clohessy with no shoes, Quigley with his damnable questions and McCourt heavy with sin from America. And remember this, boys, God did not send His only begotten Son to hang 122