makes the world laugh. Its a mystery. Thats what the priests and the
masters tell you, everything is a mystery and you have to believe what
youre told.
I could easily have Uncle Pa for a father.Wed have great times sit-
ting by the fire in the range drinking tea and laughing over the way he
farts and says, Light a match.Thats a present from the Germans.
Aunt Aggie torments me all the time. She calls me scabby eyes. She
says Im the spitting image of my father, I have the odd manner, I have
the sneaky air of a northern Presbyterian,Ill probably grow up and build
an altar to Oliver Cromwell himself, Ill run off and marry an English
tart and cover my house with pictures of the royal family.
I want to get away from her and I can think of only one way, to
make myself sick and go to the hospital. I get up in the middle of the
night and go to her backyard. I can pretend Im going to the lavatory. I
stand out in the open in the freezing weather and hope Ill catch pneu-
monia or the galloping consumption so that Ill go to the hospital with
the nice clean sheets and the meals in the bed and books brought by the
girl in the blue dress. I might meet another Patricia Madigan and learn
a long poem. I stand in the backyard for ages in my shirt and bare feet
looking up at the moon which is a ghostly galleon riding upon cloudy
seas and go back to bed shivering hoping Ill wake up in the morning
with a terrible cough and flushed cheeks. But I dont. I feel fresh and
lively and Id be in great form if I could be at home with my mother
and brothers.
There are days when Aunt Aggie tells us she cant stand the sight of
us another minute, Get away from me. Here, scabby eyes, take Alphie
out in his pram, take your brothers, go to the park and play, do anything
ye like and dont come back till teatime when the Angelus is ringing,
not a minute later, do ye hear me, not a minute later. Its cold but we
dont care.We push the pram up OConnell Avenue out to Ballinacurra
or the Rosbrien Road.We let Alphie crawl around in fields to look at
cows and sheep and we laugh when the cows nuzzle him. I get under
the cows and squirt the milk into Alphies mouth till hes full and throws
it up. Farmers chase us till they see how small Michael and Alphie are.
Malachy laughs at the farmers. He says, Hit me now with the child in
me arms.Then he has a great notion,Why cant we go to our own house
and play a while? We find twigs and bits of wood in the fields and rush
to Roden Lane.There are matches by the fireplace in Italy and we have
a good fire going in no time.Alphie falls asleep and soon the rest of us
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