oney didnt come out and flail at her with his stick and yell, Come
in out of it, ye hoor, ye overgrown man-eatin bitch. Didnt you have
your breakfast, you hoor? Are you all right, Francis? Come in. That
dog is a right Hindu, so she is, and thats where I found her mother
wandering around Bangalore. If ever youre getting a dog, Francis,
make sure its a Buddhist. Good-natured dogs, the Buddhists. Never,
never get a Mahommedan.Theyll eat you sleeping. Never a Catholic
dog. Theyll eat you every day including Fridays. Sit down and read
to me.
The Limerick Leader, Mr.Timoney?
No, not the bloody Limerick Leader. I wouldnt wipe the hole of my
arse with the Limerick Leader. Theres a book over there on the table,
Gullivers Travels. Thats not what I want you to read. Look in the back
for another thing, A Modest Proposal. Read that to me. It begins, It is a
melancholy object to those who walk . . . Do you have that? I have the
whole bloody thing in my head but I still want you to read to me.
He stops me after two or three pages.Youre a good reader. And
what do you think of that, Francis, that a young healthy child well
nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome
food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled, eh? Macushla would
love a dinner of a nice plump Irish infant, wouldnt you, you oul hoor?
He gives me sixpence, and tells me return next Saturday.
Mam is delighted I earned sixpence for reading to Mr. Timoney
and what was it he wanted read, the Limerick Leader? I tell her I had to
read A Modest Proposal from the back of Gullivers Travels and she says,
Thats all right, tis only a childrens book.Youd expect him to want
something strange for hes a little off in the head after years in the
sun in the English army in India and they say he was married to one of
them Indian women and she was accidentally shot by a soldier during
some class of a disturbance.Thats the kind of thing that would drive
you to childrens books. She knows this Mrs. Minihan who lives next
door to Mr. Timoney and used to clean house but couldnt stand it
anymore the way he laughed at the Catholic Church and said one mans
sin was another mans romp. Mrs. Minihan didnt mind the odd drop of
sherry of a Saturday morning but then he tried to turn her into a Bud-
dhist, which he said he was himself and the Irish would be much
better off in general if they sat under a tree and watched the Ten
Commandments and the Seven Deadly Sins float down the Shannon
and far out to sea.
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