the Ennis Road and the North Circular Road where theres no hope
of a tip. Maids are like clerks, they dont look at you or say thank you.
There are telegrams for the houses of priests and nuns and they have
maids, too, even if they say poverty is noble. If you waited for tips from
priests or nuns youd die on their doorstep.There are telegrams for peo-
ple miles outside the city, farmers with muddy yards and dogs who
want to eat your legs.There are telegrams for rich people in big houses
with gate lodges and miles of land surrounded by walls.The gatekeeper
waves you in and you have to cycle for miles up long drives past lawns,
flower beds, fountains to reach the big house. If the weather is fine peo-
ple are playing croquet, the Protestant game, or strolling around, talking
and laughing, all decked out in flowery dresses and blazers with crests
and golden buttons and youd never know there was a war on.There are
Bentleys and Rolls-Royces parked outside the great front door where
a maid tells you go around to the servants entrance dont you know any
better.
People in the big houses have English accents and they dont tip
telegram boys.
The best people for tips are widows, Protestant ministers wives and
the poor in general.Widows know when the telegram money order is
due from the English government and they wait by the window.You
have to be careful if they ask you in for a cup of tea because one of the
temporary boys, Scrawby Luby, said an old widow of thirty-five had
him in for tea and tried to take down his pants and he had to run out
of the house though he was really tempted and had to go to confession
the next Saturday. He said it was very awkward hopping up on the bike
with his thing sticking out but if you cycle very fast and think of the
sufferings of the Virgin Mary youll go soft in no time.
Protestant ministers wives would never carry on like Scrawby
Lubys old widow unless theyre widows themselves. Christy Wallace,
who is a permanent telegram boy and ready to be a postman any day,
says Protestants dont care what they do even if theyre ministers wives.
Theyre doomed anyway, so what does it matter if they have a bit of a
romp with a telegram boy.All the telegram boys like Protestant minis-
ters wives. They might have maids but they answer doors themselves
and say, One moment, please, and give you sixpence. Id like to talk to
them and ask them how it feels to be doomed but they might get
offended and take back the sixpence.
The Irishmen working in England send their telegram money
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