Nothing.Youre doomed.
Cant I light a candle or something.
You could try the Blessed Virgin. Shes in charge of the doom.
But I dont have a penny for the candle.
All right, all right, heres a penny.You can give it back when you get
a job a million years from now. Tis costing me a fortune to be the
expert on Girls Bodies and Dirty Things in General.
The barman is doing a crossword puzzle and he says to Peter,Whats
the opposite of advance?
Retreat, says Peter.
Thats it, says the barman. Everything has an opposite.
Mother o God, says Peter.
Whats up with you, Peter? says the barman.
What was that you said before,Tommy?
Everything has an opposite.
Mother o God.
Are you all right, Peter? Is the pint all right?
The pint is grand, Tommy, and Im the champion of all pint
drinkers, amnt I?
Begod an you are, Peter. No denyin that to you.
That means I could be the champion in the opposite department.
What are you talking about, Peter?
I could be the champion of no pints at all.
Ah, now, Peter, I think youre going a bit far. Is the wife all right at
home?
Tommy, take this pint away from me. Im the champion of no pints
at all.
Peter turns and takes the glass from Mikey. Were going home to
your mother, Mikey.
You didnt call me Cyclops, Dad.
Youre Mikey.Youre Michael. Were going to England. No more
pints for me, no pints for you, no more bread baking for your mother.
Come on.
Were leaving the pub and Tommy the barman calls after us,You
know what tis, Peter. Tis all them bloody books youre reading.They
have your head destroyed.
Peter and Mikey turn to go home. I have to go to St. Josephs to
light the candle that will save me from the doom but I look in the win-
dow of Counihans shop and there in the middle is a great slab of
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