the Ennis Road and the North Circular Road where there’s no hope of a tip. Maids are like clerks, they don’t look at you or say thank you. There are telegrams for the houses of priests and nuns and they have maids, too, even if they say poverty is noble. If you waited for tips from priests or nuns you’d die on their doorstep.There are telegrams for peo- ple miles outside the city, farmers with muddy yards and dogs who want to eat your legs.There are telegrams for rich people in big houses with gate lodges and miles of land surrounded by walls.The gatekeeper waves you in and you have to cycle for miles up long drives past lawns, flower beds, fountains to reach the big house. If the weather is fine peo- ple are playing croquet, the Protestant game, or strolling around, talking and laughing, all decked out in flowery dresses and blazers with crests and golden buttons and you’d never know there was a war on.There are Bentleys and Rolls-Royces parked outside the great front door where a maid tells you go around to the servants’ entrance don’t you know any better. People in the big houses have English accents and they don’t tip telegram boys. The best people for tips are widows, Protestant ministers’ wives and the poor in general.Widows know when the telegram money order is due from the English government and they wait by the window.You have to be careful if they ask you in for a cup of tea because one of the temporary boys, Scrawby Luby, said an old widow of thirty-five had him in for tea and tried to take down his pants and he had to run out of the house though he was really tempted and had to go to confession the next Saturday. He said it was very awkward hopping up on the bike with his thing sticking out but if you cycle very fast and think of the sufferings of the Virgin Mary you’ll go soft in no time. Protestant  ministers’  wives  would  never  carry  on  like  Scrawby Luby’s old widow unless they’re widows themselves. Christy Wallace, who is a permanent telegram boy and ready to be a postman any day, says Protestants don’t care what they do even if they’re ministers’ wives. They’re doomed anyway, so what does it matter if they have a bit of a romp with a telegram boy.All the telegram boys like Protestant minis- ters’ wives. They might have maids but they answer doors themselves and say, One moment, please, and give you sixpence. I’d like to talk to them  and  ask  them  how  it  feels  to  be  doomed  but  they  might  get offended and take back the sixpence. The  Irishmen  working  in  England  send  their  telegram  money 315