there whining and whinging. If I go over to that bed Ill give you some-
thing to whinge about.
Dad is back with the doctor. Dad has the whiskey smell.The doc-
tor examines the baby, prods her, raises her eyelids, feels her neck, arms,
legs. He straightens up and shakes his head. Shes gone. Mam reaches for
the baby, hugs her, turns to the wall. The doctor wants to know, Was
there any kind of accident? Did anyone drop the baby? Did the boys
play too hard with her? Anything?
My father shakes his head. Doctor says hell have to take her to
examine her and Dad signs a paper. My mother begs for another few
minutes with her baby but the doctor says he doesnt have all day.
When Dad reaches for Margaret my mother pulls away against the
wall. She has the wild look, her black curly hair is damp on her
forehead and there is sweat all over her face, her eyes are wide open
and her face is shiny with tears, she keeps shaking her head and
moaning, Ah, no, ah, no, till Dad eases the baby from her arms. The
doctor wraps Margaret completely in a blanket and my mother
cries, Oh, Jesus, youll smother her. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, help me.
The doctor leaves. My mother turns to the wall and doesnt make a
move or sound. The twins are awake, crying with the hunger, but
Dad stands in the middle of the room, staring at the ceiling. His face
is white and he beats on his thighs with his fists. He comes to the bed,
puts his hand on my head. His hand is shaking. Francis, Im going out
for cigarettes.
Mam stays in the bed all day, hardly moving. Malachy and I fill the
twins bottles with water and sugar. In the kitchen we find a half loaf of
stale bread and two cold sausages.We cant have tea because the milk is
sour in the icebox where the ice is melted again and everyone knows
you cant drink tea without milk unless your father gives it to you out
of his mug while hes telling you about Cuchulain.
The twins are hungry again but I know I cant give them water and
sugar all day and night. I boil sour milk in a pot, mash in some of the
stale bread, and try to feed them from a cup, bread and goody. They
make faces and run to Mams bed, crying. She keeps her face to the wall
and they run back to me, still crying. They wont eat the bread and
goody till I kill the taste of the sour milk with sugar. Now they eat and
smile and rub the goody over their faces. Malachy wants some and if he
can eat it, so can I.We all sit on the floor eating the goody and chew-
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