ple committing all kinds of sins you wouldnt find in Limerick, getting
divorces, committing adultery.
Adultery. I still have to find out what that word means, look it up
in the library. Im sure its worse than what the masters taught us, bad
thoughts, bad words, bad deeds.
I take my chips home and get into bed like The Abbot. If he has a
few pints taken he sits up eating his chips from the Limerick Leader and
singing The Road to Rasheen. I eat my chips. I lick the News of the
World. I lick the stories about people doing shocking things. I lick the
girls in their bathing suits and when theres nothing left to lick I look at
the girls till The Abbot blows out the light and Im committing a mor-
tal sin under the blanket.
I can go to the library any time with Mams card or Laman Grif-
fins. Ill never be caught because Laman is too lazy to get out of bed on
a Saturday and Mam will never go near a library with the shame of her
clothes.
Miss ORiordan smiles.The Lives of the Saints are waiting for you,
Frank.Volumes and volumes. Butler,OHanlon,Baring-Gould. Ive told
the head librarian all about you and shes so pleased shes ready to give
you your own grown-up card. Isnt that wonderful?
Thanks, Miss ORiordan.
Im reading all about St. Brigid, virgin, February first. She was so beau-
tiful that men from all over Ireland panted to marry her and her father
wanted her to marry someone important. She didnt want to marry
anyone so she prayed to God for help and He caused her eye to melt in
her head so that it dribbled down her cheek and left such a great welt
the men of Ireland lost interest.
Then theres St. Wilgefortis, virgin martyr, July twentieth. Her
mother had nine children, all at the same time, four sets of twins and
Wilgefortis the odd one, all winding up martyrs for the faith.Wilgefor-
tis was beautiful and her father wanted to marry her off to the King of
Sicily.Wilgefortis was desperate and God helped her by allowing a beard
and a mustache to grow on her face, which made the King of Sicily
think twice but sent her father into such a rage he had her crucified
beard and all.
St. Wilgefortis is the one you pray to if youre an Englishwoman
with a troublesome husband.
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