Tisnt, sir.
And you, Heffernan, should get down on your two knees every
night and thank God youre not a Yank for if you were,Heffernan,youd
be the greatest gangster on two sides of the Atlantic.Al Capone would
be coming to you for lessons. Youre not to be bothering these two
Yanks anymore, Heffernan.
I wont, sir.
And if you do, Heffernan, Ill hang your pelt on the wall. Now go
home, all of ye.
There are seven masters in Leamys National School and they all have
leather straps, canes, blackthorn sticks.They hit you with the sticks on
the shoulders, the back, the legs, and, especially, the hands. If they hit
you on the hands its called a slap.They hit you if youre late, if you have
a leaky nib on your pen, if you laugh, if you talk, and if you dont know
things.
They hit you if you dont know why God made the world, if you
dont know the patron saint of Limerick, if you cant recite the Apos-
tles Creed, if you cant add nineteen to forty-seven, if you cant subtract
nineteen from forty-seven, if you dont know the chief towns and prod-
ucts of the thirty-two counties of Ireland, if you cant find Bulgaria on
the wall map of the world thats blotted with spit, snot, and blobs of ink
thrown by angry pupils expelled forever.
They hit you if you cant say your name in Irish, if you cant say the
Hail Mary in Irish, if you cant ask for the lavatory pass in Irish.
It helps to listen to the big boys ahead of you. They can tell you
about the master you have now, what he likes and what he hates.
One master will hit you if you dont know that Eamon De Valera is
the greatest man that ever lived.Another master will hit you if you dont
know that Michael Collins was the greatest man that ever lived.
Mr. Benson hates America and you have to remember to hate
America or hell hit you.
Mr. ODea hates England and you have to remember to hate
England or hell hit you.
If you ever say anything good about Oliver Cromwell theyll all
hit you.
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