Extreme Unction, sir.
Thats right, McCourt. Not bad for a Yank from the sinful shores of
Amerikay.
He tells us we have to be careful to stick out our tongues far enough
so that the Communion wafer wont fall to the floor. He says,Thats the
worst thing that can happen to a priest. If the wafer slides off your
tongue that poor priest has to get down on his two knees, pick it up
with his own tongue and lick the floor around it in case it bounced
from one spot to another. The priest could get a splinter that would
make his tongue swell to the size of a turnip and thats enough to choke
you and kill you entirely.
He tells us that next to a relic of the True Cross the Communion
wafer is the holiest thing in the world and our First Communion is
the holiest moment in our lives.Talking about First Communion makes
the master all excited. He paces back and forth, waves his stick, tells us we
must never forget that the moment the Holy Communion is placed on
our tongues we become members of that most glorious congrega-
tion,the One,Holy,Roman,Catholic and Apostolic Church,that for two
thousand years men, women and children have died for the Faith, that
the Irish have nothing to be ashamed of in the martyr department.
Havent we provided martyrs galore? Havent we bared our necks to the
Protestant ax? Havent we mounted the scaffold, singing, as if embark-
ing on a picnic, havent we, boys?
We have, sir.
What have we done, boys?
Bared our necks to the Protestant ax, sir.
And?
Mounted the scaffold singing, sir.
As if ?
Embarking on a picnic, sir.
He says that, perhaps, in this class there is a future priest or a martyr
for the Faith, though he doubts it very much for we are the laziest gang
of ignoramuses it has ever been his misfortune to teach.
But it takes all kinds, he says, and surely God had some purpose
when He sent the likes of ye to infest this earth. Surely God had a pur-
pose when among us He sent Clohessy with no shoes, Quigley with his
damnable questions and McCourt heavy with sin from America. And
remember this, boys, God did not send His only begotten Son to hang
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