What is it now?
My grandma says, Holy water or ordinary water?
Ordinary water, and tell your grandmother not to be bothering me
again.
I told her, Ordinary water, Grandma, and he said dont be bother-
ing him again.
Dont be bothering him again.That bloody ignorant bogtrotter.
I asked Mam, Can I go now and make The Collection? I want to
see James Cagney.
Grandma said, You can forget about The Collection and James
Cagney because youre not a proper Catholic the way you left God on
the ground. Come on, go home.
Mam said,Wait a minute.Thats my son.Thats my son on his First
Communion day. Hes going to see James Cagney.
No hes not.
Yes he is.
Grandma said,Take him then to James Cagney and see if that will
save his Presbyterian North of Ireland American soul. Go ahead.
She pulled her shawl around her and walked away.
Mam said, God, its getting very late for The Collection and youll
never see James Cagney.Well go to the Lyric Cinema and see if theyll
let you in anyway in your First Communion suit.
We met Mikey Molloy on Barrington Street. He asked if I was
going to the Lyric and I said I was trying.Trying? he said.You dont have
money?
I was ashamed to say no but I had to and he said,Thats all right. Ill
get you in. Ill create a diversion.
Whats a diversion?
I have the money to go and when I get in Ill pretend to have the
fit and the ticket man will be out of his mind and you can slip in when
I let out the big scream. Ill be watching the door and when I see you
in Ill have a miraculous recovery.Thats a diversion.Thats what I do to
get my brothers in all the time.
Mam said, Oh, I dont know about that, Mikey.Wouldnt that be a
sin and surely you wouldnt want Frank to commit a sin on his First
Communion day.
Mikey said if there was a sin it would be on his soul and he wasnt
a proper Catholic anyway so it didnt matter. He let out his scream and
130