state of grace, returning to their seats with God in their mouths, peace-
ful, easy, ready to die at any moment and go straight to heaven or go
home to their rashers and eggs without a worry in the world.
Im worn out from being the worst sinner in Limerick. I want to
get rid of this sin and have rashers and eggs and no guilt, no torment. I
want to be ordinary.
The priests tell us all the time that Gods mercy is infinite but how
can any priest give absolution to someone like me who delivers
telegrams and winds up in a state of excitement on a green sofa with a
girl dying of the galloping consumption.
I cycle all around Limerick with telegrams and stop at every church.
I ride from Redemptorists to Jesuits to Augustinians to Dominicans to
Franciscans. I kneel before the statue of St. Francis of Assisi and beg him
to help me but I think hes too disgusted with me. I kneel with people
in the pews next to confessionals but when my turn comes I cant
breathe,my heart pounds,my forehead turns cold and clammy and I run
from the church.
I swear Ill go to confession at Christmas. I cant. Easter. I cant.
Weeks and months pass and its a year since Theresa died. Ill go on her
anniversary but I cant. Im fifteen now and I pass churches without
stopping. Ill have to wait till I go to America where there are priests
like Bing Crosby in Going My Way who wont kick me out of the con-
fessional like Limerick priests.
I still have the sin in me, the abscess, and I hope it doesnt kill me
entirely before I see the American priest.
Theres a telegram for an old woman, Mrs. Brigid Finucane. She says,
How old are you, by?
Fifteen and a half, Mrs. Finucane.
Young enough to make a fool of yourself and ould enough to know
better.Are you shmart, by? Are you anyway intelligent?
I can read and write, Mrs. Finucane.
Arrah, there are people above in the lunatic asylum can read and
write. Can you write a letter?
I can.
She wants me to write letters to her customers. If you need a suit or
dress for your child you can go to her. She gives you a ticket to a shop
and they give you the clothes. She gets a discount and charges you the
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