One more inch. That was all the space Collette Bowman had left between her stomach and the edge of the booth table. If she didn’t deliver this baby soon, she was going to be forced to resort to sitting on a stool at the bar. Or maybe she should quit coming to Austin Eats Diner altogether. The food was delicious, but tempting and fattening. And in her condition she couldn’t afford any more added poundage.
Working on her feet as a nurse all day at Maitland Maternity Clinic in Austin, Texas, was a demanding job. For the past month she’d gone home with her legs and back aching with exhaustion. But love for her work had kept her going week after week. That and the stack of monthly bills piled on the end of her kitchen cabinet counter, she thought dismally. She’d never expected to be dealing with living expenses alone. But then she’d never expected to be having a baby alone, either.
"More iced tea, Collette?"
Collette glanced up to see Lisa, a high school student and part-time waitress, hovering near her shoulder. Ice tinkled as she moved to tilt the pitcher over Collette’s glass.
"No thanks, Lisa. I’ve had more than enough. It’s time for me to be heading home."
"Hard day?" the teenager asked.
Collette smiled bravely and patted the top of her ripening tummy. "Every day is getting harder. But the baby will be here in a week or two. That will make everything better."
The waitress wished her good luck then moved on to the next table. Collette plopped down a bill for the tip, then maneuvered herself tiredly out of the booth. A bath and a bed were the only things she wanted now. Six in the morning would be here all too soon.
The evening rush had filled the diner with hungry workers. At the checkout counter, Collette was forced to take her place in line. To save time, she began to dig the correct change for the bill out of her shoulder bag.
The quarter she needed was loose somewhere among her lipstick, checkbook, tissues, and powder compact. She tilted the leather bag to one side in hopes of gaining a view of the elusive coin. At the same time, the female customer in front of her turned to leave and accidentally brushed Collette’s shoulder, causing her to spill the entire contents of her purse on the tile floor.
"Damn! Damn!" she muttered as she plucked up her handbook, then waddled after a tube of lipstick rolling straight toward the glass door that served as both entrance and exit to the diner.
Collette was bent over, her hand reaching for her favorite red shade of Max Factor, when the door suddenly swung open and knocked her flat on the floor.
"Oh lady, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you! Are you all right?"
That voice, it sounded so familiar, Collette thought. But it couldn’t be him. No, he’d been gone for months now. She must be hallucinating, she decided as she tried to raise her head.
Through a foggy daze, she realized two strong hands had reached down and taken a grip on her shoulder and forearm. She caught the faint scent of spicy aftershave, starched jeans, and man.
"Can you stand up, lady? Should I call an ambulance?"
"No. I’m fine," she quickly assured him. Her vision was clearing now and her gaze traveled from the rounded toes of cowboy boots, up long muscular legs, then on to a broad chest hidden beneath a white shirt with pearl snaps. "Just help me stand — "
The rest of her words were never uttered as her gaze made it up to his face and she stared at her rescuer in stunned silence.
The man’s frantic gaze darted around the busy diner as the very pregnant woman continued to stare at him. He needed help! The woman was slipping into a stupor. Or even worse, maybe the fall had knocked her into labor! Her stomach definitely looked like it could go off at any moment!
"What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked as he gently tugged her to an upright position.
Her jaw dropped even more and her head began to swing back and forth. "What — what are you doing here? In Austin?" she finally gasped out the questions.
He stared in bewilderment at her. Even in her swollen condition, she was beautiful, with long black hair and warm brown eyes. Her lips were soft and wide, her skin smooth and creamy. She was a woman any man would remember. But he didn’t.
"What do you mean?" He suddenly tightened his hold on her shoulders as excitement surged through him. "Lady, do you know who I am?"
Collette glared at him as she straightened her twisted clothing and moved a few steps away from him and the busy doorway.
"What kind of joke are you trying to pull, Holden? Of course I know who you are!"
He stepped toward her as the breath rushed out of him so quickly it very nearly whistled past his teeth.
"Then maybe you’d better tell me," he said. "Because I don’t have a clue."
The sights and sounds of Austin Eats Diner dimmed into insignificance as Collette stared at the man who’d fathered her child eight-and-a-half months ago. She’d not forgotten one thing about him. His hard, lean body burned brown by the Texas sun. The flecks of green in his blue eyes. The rough drawl of his voice. Everything about the man had been branded in her memory and her heart. Yet he was staring at her as though he’d never laid eyes on her before this moment. His behavior was more than insulting; it was stabbing her with a red-hot poker.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asked, then before he could answer, she waved away the question with a dismissive flick of her hand. "No, don’t bother to answer. If you’re planning on pleading insanity, it won’t work. Losing your mind is no excuse for what you’ve done to me!"
His gaze vacillated from the outraged expression on her face to the ripe mound of her stomach. If he’d done anything to this woman he ought to remember it. But God help him, he had no idea who she was or why on earth she was accusing him of — his eyes widened, the blood drained from his face.
"Whoa now, lady. I think you’d better back up and explain yourself. As far as I know, I’ve never seen you in my whole life."
Collette’s mouth popped open, then clamped to an angry line. "I’ve had enough of this, Holden," she muttered. "Go play your games with someone else!"
Before he could stop her, she stalked past him and out the diner’s plate-glass door. He stared after her. She’d called him Holden! Was it possible she really did know him? His mind whirled with the implication.
Racing out of the diner, he caught up to her in the parking lot just as she was opening the door of a white, compact car. Night had fallen and a nearby street lamp flickered shadows on her pale face. She didn’t look any happier now than she had a moment ago when she’d walked away from him.
"You wasted your time following me out here," she said wearily. "I’m tired. I’m going home. If or when you decide you want to really talk, you know where to find me."
She started to lower herself into the car seat, but his hand clamped around her upper arm, preventing her from moving in any direction.
"No!" he blurted frantically. "I mean, no, I don’t know where to find you! I don’t even know who I am, much less where you live."
Collette might have been a fool for falling so instantly in love with this man, for believing him when he’d said he wanted to make a life, a family with her. And she might be an even bigger one if she believed him now. But there was a strange sort of blankness in his eyes that she’d never seen before and the hold he had on her arm was the grip of a desperate man.
"This is for real, isn’t it?" she asked, her own tone turning incredulous. "You really don’t know who you are?"
Relief poured through him, followed by a surge of adrenaline so strong his heartbeat was suddenly pounding in his ears. "No. I came here tonight because I found a matchbook with the diner’s name in my jean pocket. I was hoping someone would recognize me. If you do — please, you’ve got to help me."
Help him? Holden was the strongest, most self-reliant man she’d ever known. The idea that he’d become this vulnerable convinced her something was terribly wrong.
"Oh Holden," she said in a whispered rush. "We — you and I are — well, we became lovers almost a year ago. Your name is Holden Tucker, and...you’re the father of my baby."
The fact that he’d stumbled onto someone who’d known him had been a jolt. But this — he felt as if she’d just whacked the last breath of air from his lungs.
"Baby! I — you — us?"
She nodded. "Yes. You’re going to become a father in two weeks or less."
Shaken by the sudden developments, he dropped his hold on her arm, then leaned heavily upon the open door frame. "But how..."
In spite of everything Collette smiled wanly. "The old fashioned way. We made love."
He wiped a trembling hand across his face, then looked at her once again. Yes, he could see that he would want to make love to this woman, but that only answered a fraction of the questions racing through his mind.
"But — I can’t understand any of this. Where have I been all this time?" he asked helplessly. "Did my job take me away from you?"
Tears suddenly gathered in her eyes, but she managed to blink them back as she gazed at the lost terror on his face. "I’ve been asking myself that same question for the past three months."
Desperate to put a reason behind his abandoning a pregnant woman, he asked, "Tell me about myself. What do I do?"
Conversations and sprinkles of laughter invaded their corner of the dark parking lot, momentarily drawing Collette’s attention away from Holden.
"Look, this isn’t any place to talk," she suggested. "Why don’t you follow me to my place and I’ll try to answer your questions." And ask a few of her own, she thought.
"I came here in a taxi," he said.
His admission jolted her. He’d purchased a late model truck not too long ago. She couldn’t imagine him selling it, or losing it. Suddenly Collette was very afraid for him. In Holden’s line of work, he needed to remember every little detail. His very life could be in jeopardy if the wrong people knew about his memory loss.
"Come with me," she told him. "My name is Collette Bowman and my place is just a few blocks from here."
The five-minute trip passed in tense silence. When she finally braked the car to a halt in front of a small house on a quiet residential street, it was a relief to the both of them.
Inside, she gestured to the couch. He took a seat and looked around as if he were seeing the place for the first time. The idea was painful to Collette. Especially considering that the two of them had made love countless times in her home. Their home.
She sat in an armchair across from him. "You work as an undercover officer for ATF out of the Austin division."
"Hell! You might as well have said I was an astronaut. I’m not — " He leaned forward and shook his head. "Are you certain about this?"
Collette nodded. "Sometimes you went undercover. But the last morning you were home, you didn’t mention anything about leaving or taking on an involved case. You didn’t want to, you said — because of the baby. Later, when you never showed up, I called the ATF but Captain Holbrook refused to tell me anything!"
Holden felt dizzy. If he’d been working undercover there was no telling what might have happened to him in Nevada. The ring of criminals he’d infiltrated might have injected him with drugs that damaged his memory or knocked him over the head. Worse still, they might have followed him to Austin. But how would he know or spot them if he couldn’t remember? The idea was terrifying. Not just for himself, but also for this woman who was heavy with his baby.
Torn by the anguish on his face, Collette left her chair and eased down beside him on the couch. The urge to touch him was too great to resist. She curled her fingers around his forearm remembering….
"Don’t worry. I work as a pediatric nurse at Maitland Maternity clinic. I’m sure one of the doctors there can advise us of a good neurologist who can help you recover your memory. In the meantime, you should stay with me."
"Stay here? I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you’re a stranger to me." He didn’t add that his being here might be dangerous for her.
Pain lanced through Collette’s chest. Three months ago, she’d been planning her wedding to this man. "Well, this was where you were living," she explained. "You had already sold your own place."
A wedding. A baby in two weeks. A job that no doubt had him walking a tightrope. The discoveries about himself were anything but simple. He felt smothered by the weight of it all.
"I do believe you, Collette, but — "
They heard the front door open and close and then a female voice sang out, "Collette! It’s me, Amy. Have you — "
The moment the petite blonde spotted Holden, she stopped in her tracks, then raced around to the front of the couch. "Holden! My Lord, you aren’t dead after all!"
Holden glanced anxiously at Collette. "Do people think I’m dead?"
Collette shot a look of warning at her friend, but the other woman didn’t catch on to the tense situation. Smiling smugly at the two of them, Amy said, "I told Collette the only way you’d stay away from her and the baby was if something terrible had happened to you. She had this crazy notion that you’d gotten cold feet about the wedding."
The idea offended him. Angered him. "You believed I’d deserted you?"
Amy shook her head in confusion. "Hey, what’s going on here?"
"Amy," Collette quickly interrupted, "would you please go make a pot of fresh coffee? I think we could all use a cup."
Amy scurried out of the room without further questions. Holden decided it was time for him to make a quick exit. He had to think, to digest everything he’d learned tonight. He rose to his feet, forcing Collette to release her hold on his arm. "I’ve got to go," he muttered. "I’ll — we’ll discuss this later."
Stunned that he could leave in such a cold, abrupt way, Collette watched him stride to the door. He was stepping onto the porch and closing the door behind him when a pain suddenly ripped through her back and radiated to the front of her stomach. She doubled over helplessly....
Collette couldn't let Holden leave now! This was his baby, too. Fighting through the pain in her belly, she stumbled toward the door.
"Holden! Wait!"
Outside on the porch, Holden heard the panic in her voice and stopped in his tracks. He rushed back into the house and found her leaning heavily on a nearby armchair. One hand clutched her stomach. Her face was white.
Fear shot through him. "Collette? What is it? What's wrong?"
"Holden. I think — I think I'm in labor."
Stunned, he could only stare at her. "You mean — you're going to have the baby now? I thought you said two weeks."
She frowned. "Sorry to interrupt your plans, but babies come when they're good and ready. And they — " She stopped, sucked in a fierce breath between gritted teeth, then leveled a pointed look at him. "They don't wait around for wayward daddies."
He was insulted. What did she expect from him? Aloud, he asked, "Do you want me to call 911?"
"No. Maitland Maternity is right next to the diner. Driving me there will be faster than waiting for an ambulance," she said.
Hearing the commotion, Amy rushed in from the kitchen. Her face a picture of worry, she immediately went to Collette's side.
"Collette! Do you really think it's labor?"
"It certainly feels like it," she answered weakly.
"Do you want me to go with you and Holden to the clinic?"
Collette shook her head. "It would be better if you stayed here. Can you call Dr. Abby Maitland to let her know we're on our way?"
"I will, Collette," Amy promised. "Don't worry about a thing."
Holden took hold of Collette's arm, then slipped his other arm around her back. "We'd better be going. Do you think you can walk to the car?"
"I think so," she murmured, but even as she spoke, another pain stung both sides of her belly, making her double over and cry out.
Holden quickly picked her up in his arms and hurried out to the car. Collette clung to him; the sweet familiarity of his embrace eased the pain.
They arrived at the clinic less than five minutes later. Collette was whisked away in a wheelchair, while a nurse directed Holden to a small waiting area.
"We'll let you know something soon," she promised, before hurrying away.
Except for him, the room was empty. Holden supposed he was the only man in Austin who was about to become a dad. It certainly felt that way.
Just two days ago he'd been working as a carpenter's helper on a construction site in Laughlin, Nevada. Tonight he was in Austin about to become a father. How had this happened? If only he could remember!
His thoughts whirled back to that morning three months ago. He'd woken up on the floor of a hotel room, his mind a total blank, his wallet and identification gone. The name under which the room had been registered turned out to be phony, and the local police had been of little help to him. They'd chalked the whole thing up to too much drinking, and advised him to seek medical help.
A doctor had determined that he hadn't been drinking. His amnesia, he'd told Holden, probably stemmed from some sort of mental or emotional shock, or a trauma to his head.
Holden's thoughts raced on. Being an undercover agent would explain the phony name on the hotel register, and a blow to his head could mean someone had been trying to kill him. For all he knew, that someone could be stalking him at this very moment.
The idea that his mere presence in their lives might bring danger to Collette or the baby pained him deeply. He had to do something — now.
It nearly tore Holden apart to leave Collette behind at the clinic. His heart had been shouting at him to run to her side. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to rest easy until he knew for a fact that his presence wouldn’t bring danger to Collette and their baby. Before he could be at Collette’s side, he had to visit the ATF office and find out about his identity.
Holden hadn’t known what to expect when he arrived at the ATF headquarters. How would he know whom to talk to, if he couldn’t remember ever having been there? He’d been surprised when he’d been welcomed heartily by the guard at the front desk, and whisked upstairs to the office of Captain James Holbrook, who’d apparently been expecting him.
Now, as he sat in the man's office, Holden felt bewildered by the warm welcome he'd received from everyone. The fact that he couldn't explain his long disappearance made him feel helpless.
"Hell, Holden," Holbrook said, "when you never made contact, we sent a man out to Las Vegas to search for you, but you must have been well hidden. Finally our man found a doctor who remembered treating someone for memory loss who fit your description. We were worried sick, I can tell you. Boy, you’re a sight for sore eyes!"
"Believe me, if I'd known who I was or what I was supposed to be doing, I would have contacted you." And Collette, Holden silently tacked on. The past three months must have been hell for her. Guilt over her distress stabbed at him.
"We thought Digaldo had carted you off to South America. Or worse, killed you," Captain Holbrook continued.
"Digaldo?"
"An international arms dealer. We got wind he was in Las Vegas and you took off the same day to meet with the piece of garbage. Digaldo believed you were a part of a survivalist group and that you wanted to make a deal on several hundred assault rifles. We needed that exchange as evidence in order to put him away."
Holden shook his head. He'd been brushing shoulders with a gunrunner, and he didn't remember any of it! "Do you know where he is now? If he followed me —"
"Don't worry. Central Intelligence has him in Bolivia right now."
Holden breathed a huge sigh of relief, then quickly rose to his feet. "I'm sorry to rush off like this, sir, but Collette is at Maitland Maternity Clinic right now, about to have our baby." He started toward the door.
"Sorry I couldn't tell her anything concerning your possible whereabouts," Holbrook apologized. "But disclosing that sort of information would have put too many people in jeopardy. Including her. And she's a damn fine woman, Holden. You're lucky to have her."
Holden was beginning to see that, too. He only wished he could remember their past together.
* * *
Back at the clinic, Holden discovered that Collette had been taken to the delivery room. He quickly changed into scrubs, as the nurse instructed.
"Are you the father?" The nurse asked as she hurried him toward the delivery room.
Pride rushed through him. "Yes."
The nurse nodded with approval. "Good. She's in a lot of pain. She needs you."
He drew in a breath to brace himself and stepped inside the sterile room. The moment he saw Collette, her beautiful face contorted with pain, he felt something tighten in his chest. She'd been his lover. He'd been planning to make her his wife. And now she was going to have his baby.
Sweat drenched Collette’s face. Her breaths were rapid pants. Wires ran from her belly to nearby monitors. He could hear the beeping sound of their baby's heart. Emotion balled in his throat.
Dear God, he prayed silently, give me back all those precious memories. Keep her and the baby safe.
He stepped to the side of her bed.
"Holden! Oh, I'm so glad — you're finally here." She reached for his hand. He gave it to her and her fingers clamped firmly around his.
"I went to see Captain Holbrook," he explained. "After he filled me in on a few details, I told him I had to get back here to you."
Through a cloud of pain, she smiled at the only man she'd ever loved. "I knew you wouldn't let me down."
That she trusted him so completely despite his disappearance was further proof to Holden that she was one hell of a woman. "I still can't remember — us being together," he said ruefully. "Does that matter?"
Collette moaned as another contraction claimed her attention. "Nothing matters as long as you're with me," she finally managed to say.
Desperate for her pain to end, he glanced at the nurses tending her. "How much longer will it be?"
"The baby is almost here," one of them answered. "I'm going to get Dr. Maitland now."
In a matter of seconds, Dr. Abby Maitland returned with the nurse, and a flurry of activity began around Collette's bed. Unwilling to let her go, Holden continued to grip her hand.
"The baby's head is crowning, Collette. It's time to push hard," Dr. Maitland urged.
Moaning with agony, Collette strained with all her might. She clutched Holden’s hand tightly.
Holden suddenly felt dizzy. He heard a strange roaring in his ears; black spots clouded his field of vision. His fingers slipped from Collette's as the floor rushed up to meet him.
"Good Lord, the daddy's fainted!" the nurse exclaimed.
Ammonia stung Holden's nose and the fuzzy image of a woman's smiling face appeared above him.
"Welcome back, Mr. Tucker."
Holden felt as though a jackhammer was working full throttle at the back of his head. Glancing around, he realized he was on some sort of cot. Medical equipment lined the walls of the small room.
"What the heck happened?" he asked groggily. Rising to a sitting position, he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. "Are you a nurse?"
To his chagrin, she chuckled. "That's right. You're in Maitland Maternity Clinic. You fainted in the delivery room."
The delivery room! Collette had been about to deliver the baby! He jumped up from the cot.
"Collette! Is she —"
The nurse grabbed his arm as he swayed on his feet. "She's fine," she assured him. "You're the new father of a healthy baby girl."
A girl. Tender emotions swelled in his chest. Moisture pricked the back of his eyes. "May I see them?"
The nurse directed Holden into the adjoining room. Instantly he was overcome at the precious sight of Collette and the tiny baby nestled in the crook of her arm.
"Come here, Holden, and meet your new daughter," Collette invited with sleepy pleasure.
His gaze riveted on the tiny girl swaddled in a pink blanket, Holden moved to the head of the bed. She was his daughter. He was a father!
"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Collette," he murmured softly. "She looks exactly like you."
"Seven pounds, two ounces and 20 inches long," she proudly informed him. "Are you really pleased with her?"
To answer, he bent his head and kissed her lips.
Suddenly Holden felt a wave of tender feelings come over him. He was a father, and Collette would be his wife! It was as though everything snapped into focus at that moment. An overwhelming rush of emotion threatened to consume him as his lost memories, all of them, came flooding back. For a moment he thought he would faint again; but then, his love for Collette renewed along with his memory, he kissed her with even more passion, as though for the first time.
The tender exchange was so full of love and familiarity, Collette instantly knew she was kissing the man who'd promised her a family and a lifelong marriage.
After he eased his head back, she whispered with joyous certainty, "You remember."
"It must have happened when I fainted and hit my head," he said sheepishly, then added gravely, "I'm so sorry I put you through such hell at a time when you needed me the most, Collette! Can you forgive me?"
Her sigh was blissful. "There's nothing to forgive, darling. Amy kept assuring me that there had to be a good reason for your absence, and that you wouldn't desert me. She was right."
As his fingertips brushed her dark hair, he filled her in on the information Captain Holbrook had given him, and what he now remembered.
"I couldn't find Digaldo in Las Vegas," he continued. "So on a hunch, I drove down to Laughlin. At one of the casinos, I rented a room under an assumed name and played blackjack for several hours at a table near the entrance. I didn't have any luck spotting the arms dealer, but I did win a few hundred dollars.
"After a while I cashed in the chips and went to my room. I'd been there less than five minutes when a man knocked and said he was delivering clean towels for housekeeping. I let him in and turned my back to finish unpacking. I guess that's when he hit me in the head and robbed me of my money and identification. I woke up later, not knowing anything. Not even my name. I feel like such a fool. Apparently the man had been watching me and I hadn't noticed. I'd been too busy keeping a lookout for Digaldo. I should never have let my guard down."
For the past three months Collette's emotions had ranged from anger to grief to worry at Holden's absence. But thankfully she could put all that behind her now.
"Oh, Holden, what a relief! Now we don't have to worry that whoever caused your amnesia might still be after you. Our whole family could have been in danger if you'd been followed back to Austin. But now we know it was nothing more than an isolated robbery, and it's all over with."
"You're darn right it's over with," Holden firmly asserted. "As soon as I can meet with Captain Holbrook, I'm telling him straight out, no more undercover work for me. From now on, I have a family to think about."
Collette's smile was tired, but very happy. "Does that mean we're going ahead with the wedding?"
He squeezed her hand. "As soon as you're well enough, sweetheart. And that won't be soon enough for me."
"Would you like to hold your daughter now?" She asked.
"Is it okay?"
Collette nodded. "It's more than okay."
Holden had always prided himself on being a tough guy who never got emotional. But the feel of his tiny daughter resting in the crook of his arm choked him with fierce love and protectiveness.
"She has lots of black hair like you," he observed.
"It will probably fall out later," Collette told him.
"And her eyes are blue," he said, continuing his loving inspection.
"Those might change, too," Collette warned.
He shot his soon-to-be wife a lopsided grin. "Well, there's one thing that won't change. I'll always love her more than anything. Except for you, that is."
Collette smiled with satisfaction as she looked at her daughter and her soon-to-be-husband, love filling her heart. Now that Holden remembered, they would build a good future together - as a family. Unable to resist teasing him just a little, she said, "And don't you ever forget that again!"
"Never," he promised, his gaze on his daughter's face. He looked up at Collette. "And I'm glad that you agreed to name her after my great-aunt Nevada."
"I don't remember ever agreeing to such a ridiculous -" Collette stopped when she saw the grin spreading across Holden's face, and joined in his laughter. They were going to be very happy together indeed.
The End