Crib Notes
by
Heather King

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Copyright @ 1994 by Heather King Published by arrangement with the
author

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 94-3850

ISBN: 0-380-77615-4

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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data:
King, Heather, 1959

Crib notes / Heather King.


1. Pregnancy--Miscellanea.

2. Infants--Care--Miscellanea.

1. Title.

1994

94-3850

649'. "0242--dc20

First Avon Books Trade Printing: September 1994

AVON TRADEMARK REG. U.S. PAT. OFF. AND IN OTHER COUNTRIES, MARCA
REGISTRADA, HECHO EN U.S.A.

Printed in the U.S.A.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Sammy and Gackie, my grandparents, who
showed us what a beautiful thing a family can be.

The thoughts and feelings contained within this book are those of the
author based on her own experiences. Every woman is different as is each
pregnancy. You and your childcare practitioner know what is best for
you.

Introduction

Before I became pregnant with our baby, Hampton, I was
hesitant about taking the leap into motherhood. I was happy with my
life, my husband, and my job. Yet, after seesawing a bit about having
children, my husband and I decided to go for it. Much to our surprise, I
quickly got pregnant. And, much to my surprise, I was absolutely
ecstatic to be pregnant!

Like many first-time mothers, I bought every book and read every article
I could find about pregnancy, the birthing process, and the care and
nurture of an infant. I was a bit apprehensive. I'd always looked at
pregnant women with a mix of intrigue and trepidation. What surprises
would pregnancy spring on me? How could I work to have a healthy baby?
Once I have the baby, what would I do with it? I also wondered how I
would juggle being a mom and a spouse and a marketing manager.

I soon learned that although there are several invaluable books on
pregnancy and motherhood, these books do not readily provide some of the
most practical bits of information.

Many of the most important lessons are to be learned from other mothers.
I learned that the experiences of pregnancy and the approaches to
parenting are as numerous as the mothers I met. Finally, I learned that
in my own childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, I had developed
mothering instincts of my own. I needed to listen to those instincts and
to the oh-so-subtle messages from my child--both in utero and as a
newborn. I learned that each mother does know best.

Pregnancy and the first year of motherhood are rich in revelations. It
is a time of exciting and sometimes stressful changes: physical changes
for the mother, emotional changes between partners, and the development
of a new responsibility in life--parenting.

The purpose of these crib notes is to share the revelations and
hand-me-down recommendations--some practical and some
philosophical--that I found useful during my own forty weeks of
pregnancy and first year of new motherhood. For all the new mothers who
are excited, nervous, and can't read enough but who have little time to
read, I have recorded and am passing along these revelations in a
simple, reader-friendly format.

I have divided the book into five chapters of revelations.

It begins with pregnancy, and moves on through time in the hospital, the
first week home, the first three months, and the rest of the first year.

May these thoughts help new mothers as they have helped me. And may the
reader learn that the thoughts provided herein are only a supplement to
her very own mothering instincts.

Finally, special thanks to my very supportive husband, Wade, and to our
son, Wade Hampton, Jr who continues to be a source of great inspiration
and learning.

Thanks and love also to my mother and father for getting me into and out
of my own crib years ago, and for sharing their own important notes
throughout my life.

Heather Little King September 1994

Pregnancy

Allow yourself the time to notice the subtle changes in your
physique and your perspective on life.

Celebrate!--gently. (Let your bubbly be sparkling cider.)

Count forty weeks, not nine months, to determine your due date. Our
pregnancies are actually closer to ten months long!

Mark off your trimesters and your due date on your calendars.

Enjoy your cleavage. It will never be better.

Think about when you want to share your good news. Some couples wait
until they are past the first trimester. Most doctors consider the first
trimester as the risk period for miscarriages.

Read all you can about pregnancy. The more you know, the more amazing
**skip**the experience.

Shelve your machismo for ten months. Let others lift, push, and move
heavy things for you. Strenuous lifting can be threatening to your
pregnancy.

Hang out in baby stores. Get in the mood.

Give yourself room to have a good cry and a few good mood swings.

Your raging hormones will ignite emotional fireworks.

Drink lots of water. You'll need to pee all the time anyway so you might
as well make the trips to the bathroom worth something.

If you are nauseated, ask your doctor if you can have some Turns. They
offer good comfort and good calcium. Also, store up on wafer crackers
and nibble often. This should help settle your stomach.

Go away on weekends to quiet, romantic places.

Check into your maternity benefits at work.

Know your options before you let your boss know you are pregnant.

If you're short of breath during the first weeks, don't worry. Your
body's working overtime to set up shop for your baby.

Get organized.

Clean closets. Update your address lists.

Do it now. It will be awhile before you have another chance.

Be a teetotaler for nine months. Drinking alcohol is not worth the risk.

Morning sickness is a myth. All-day sickness is real. Take heart in
knowing that it will usually only last three months.

If you have any doubts about your activities, err on the side of
caution.

Contemplate the best memories of your childhood.

Make notes so that you can create similar memories for your child once
she is born.

Read From Here to Maternity by Carol Weston, a funny, honest account of
pregnancy and early motherhood.

Don't stress out about anything. Enjoy ten months of peace before you
have a little one running you around.

Give the baby a nickname for forty weeks.

It's easier than calling it "fetus" and a lot more fun! (A friend called
theirs "Sealy" after their new mattress that inspired baby's
conception.)

::?. (';.":

.."

 ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ...  ... Exercise it's good for body, mind, soul, and baby.

Schedule haircuts more frequently--or just let your hair grow. Your
increased blood flow means your nails and hair grow faster.

Keep your exercise regimen moderate and regular. Avoid high-impact
workouts. Ask your obstetrician whether you should keep your heart rate
below a certain level.

Treat yourself and your baby to a massage, ... or two, or three.

Slow dance. It will not be as awkward as you might think.

Enjoy your "glow."

Invest in one or two really nice outfits that make you feel and look
great.

Don't set your expectations too firmly as to how things will be after
baby arrives.

A newborn causes a monumental and unpredictable change in parents'
lives.

If you color your hair chemically, check with your doctor regarding her
opinion on any associated risks. Some contend that the chemicals get
into your bloodstream and aren't good for your baby.

Creams that claim to prevent stretch marks are one big gimmick.

Stretch marks are a medal of motherhood. To limit them, control your
weight gain as advised by your doctor.

If you've always wanted beautiful, long nails, go for it now.

Be spontaneous with your mate. Your time may not be as flexible after
baby arrives.

Use sunblocks religiously. Hormonal changes make your skin more
susceptible to funny freckles and discolorations.

Don't overdo it, whatever "it" may be.

Your body is already working double time to keep you and the baby
healthy.

If you have a desk job, buy a small stool so you can elevate your feet.

It will lessen the swelling and your general fatigue level.

Go for a walk, or take a prenatal aerobics class at lunch break. It will
re-energize you for the afternoon.

Buy an outfit from "Japanese Weekend" (San Francisco-based). They.

have great maternity clothes with built-in maternity belts.

 ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
... ... ... ... ":-":."6'x?)

Borrow as many maternity clothes as you can from friends. Save your
pennies for a college fund and for your postpartum wardrobe.

Rent the movie Three Men and a Baby.

Watch it with your partner.

Check out pediatricians. Interview them.

Choose someone with whom you feel really comfortable and find out what
insurance they accept.

Watch other women with babies and talk to them. It will make your own
journey more real, and you will learn a lot.

Talk to your own morn about her pregnancy and what you were like as a
baby. You will learn the most from her, and you will let her relive that
special time in her life.

Start now to coordinate your child rearing philosophies with your
partner's.

Try to begin to work through your differences.

Go to lunch with the other mothers at work. Ask questions about how they
manage to juggle all of a working mother's responsibilities.

Today you can choose among prenatal tests, including tests to find out
the sex of the baby prior to birth. Decide what is right for you and
your spouse. It's your family!

During your pregnancy, avoid eating out at family-style restaurants.

You will get plenty of them soon enough.

Do not fret about the birthing process.

There is little you can do to make it other than what it will be. By the
time you are full term, you will want the birth to happen and the
pregnancy to be over!

Rent the movie Look Who's Talking.

Marvel at Mother Nature.

She's making you look like a fertility goddess!

Don't squeeze yourself into your tightest clothes longer than you feel
comfortable doing so.

Frame your sonogram.

If your stomach feels heavy, try wearing a maternity belt.

Listen for hiccups (regular, rhythmic pulses) from eight months on.

Accessorize. It will make you feel fashionable when your maternity
clothes don't.

Be sure your husband gets to hear the baby's heartbeat too.

If you buy big shirts, be sure they button down the front. If you decide
to breast-feed, you will be able to wear them when you nurse.

If you're a clean freak, learn to overlook those waterspots on the
faucets. You'll soon have to overlook a lot more!

Most women lose their "baby weight" within twelve months after the
birthdate.

Don't drive yourself crazy worrying about your weight gain.

When the doctor weighs you, don't worry about weight gain unless he says
you should. Most doctors say you should put on between twenty-five and
forty-five pounds.

Eat healthfully.

Plan a trip for you and your husband sometime in the sixth or seventh
month of your pregnancy. Don't go anywhere that is too far from good
medical care.

(.? ... ..?.?..$? ... ."

Take a Lamaze class in the month or so before your due date. It will get
you and your husband working together as a real team.

Buy a good childcare book by Dr. Spock or Penelope Leach. It will be an
immensely useful resource.

Press your jeans and put them on reserve for your skinny times after the
delivery.

C.

Eat a lot of small meals rather than a couple of big ones. Big meals may
give you cramps and may cramp your little person inside.

Be sure to raise your calcium intake now and through the first months
after the baby is born.

If you are not a big meat eater, become a carnivore for nine months.

Red meat never tastes better than when you are pregnant, and the iron is
good for you.

If you are having trouble sleeping, buy a "body pillow" a long, soft
pillow--and wrap it under your belly when you are sleeping.

Eat when you are hungry.

('.."::

Go to the bookstore or library and find your favorite children's story.

Start to see the world again through a child's eyes.

Frame some baby pictures of you and your husband. Your baby will also
love them when he gets older.

Knit a sweater and booties. If you don't know how to knit, learn.

Practice patience.

It's a most valuable asset for parenting.

Swim. It is the only exercise that makes you feel weightless.

Put away your high heels, and don't wear anything but flats.

Don't force yourself to wear nylons. They will never be more
uncomfortable, and you will never have a better excuse to go natural.

{'..".": ':."No., ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ...  ... ...  ... Fix up the baby's room a few weeks before
his due date. You never know when you might be surprised.

Hang up baby's clothes and put presents on shelves. Make his room ready
for his arrival.

Let other people do some things for you. It will keep you from
exhausting yourself and your friends will love to feel useful.

If you get any baby clothes as presents that are smaller than a
three-months size, exchange them for a twelve-months or eighteen-months
size. American-made three-months sizes often will not fit even a
newborn. If they do fit, your baby will outgrow them within weeks!

Keep a journal. If you cannot make entries daily, make them weekly or
monthly. It will be cherished for generations.

Pack your hospital bag well before your due date. Pack a comfortable,
oversized outfit (or your favorite comfortable maternity outfit) for
your trip home from the hospital. If the baby's early, you'd miss not
having your own things.

Start an education savings fund. It is never too early. Investment
counselors say you have to save $600 each month starting the day the
baby is born to afford or pay for a full, four-year college education!

Look into childcare options now. If you plan to go back to work, your
maternity leave will be over before you know it.

Advanced planning will allow you to better enjoy your maternity leave.

Before your due date, buy or cook several meals and freeze them. It will
help not to have to worry about dinner your first few nights home from
the hospital.

Take your pregnancy vitamins religiously--especially the iron.

.~';.":

 ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
... ... ...  ... If you feel uncomfortable during your pregnancy, think
about times past when women did not have the freedom to wear loose
clothes and couldn't sleep on featherbeds. We have it so much easier
with our modern creature comforts.

Budget for photos. You will be amazed at how many you take and shocked
at how quickly film and development costs add up.

Visit the hospital before your due date.

Have all your admittance papers ready to go. It will make your check-in
easier.

Send out thank you notes as you receive gifts. If you fall behind, it
will be tough to catch up.

Schedule to take as much time off from work as you can. You can always
go back early. It will be harder to extend your leave past the date you
set to return.

Most infant car seats are designed to face toward the rear of the car.

They are reportedly the safest. Ask your pediatrician for
recommendations and buy the best you can find.

Know how to work all the essential baby items before you go to the
hospital especially the baby seat for the car! They can be tricky.

In your last trimester, get off your feet and put them up as often as
possible to avoid varicose veins.

Decide whether you are going to breast-feed before going to the
hospital. Be sure the nurses and your doctor know your preference.

( ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ...  ... Don't expect the baby to be born on the due
date; expect her to be late. It is more fun to be surprised if she is
early and less tedious to wait if she is late.

Decide whether you're going to use disposable diapers or cloth diapers.

Be sure to line up supplies and a diaper service in advance.

In addition to setting up the baby's room, be sure to buy some of the
essential baby equipment especially a stroller and diaper bag--in
advance.

Be sure your diaper bag is washable and has sealable compartments for
dirty clothes and leaky bottles.

Have a nursing kit (bottles and nipples) on hand in case your baby has
difficulty breast-feeding.

Buy a supply of breast pads and several nursing bras prior to the due
date. You'll be amazed at your productive powers. You will leak without
warning, and you will be thankful for a comfortable, dry bra.

Ignore advice that comes from extremely opinionated people. There is no
one right answer to anything in raising a baby.

Get a good rocking chair. It makes late nights bearable for both you and
your baby. ("Gliders" are especially nice because they rock smoothly,
quietly, and effortlessly.)

Don't paint the baby's room baby pink or baby blue. Be creative.

Try to avoid a home or career change in the final months of pregnancy or
the early months of new parenthood. You will have enough going on.

Plan to start your maternity leave one week before your due date. Give
yourself a chance to rest before your new motherhood really begins.

Slipcover your good furniture.

Buy nightlights for your room and the baby's room.

Tune into your tummy.

What kind of personality is expressing itself in those kicks, bumps, and
rolls?

Decide whether you want to circumcise a boy before going to the
hospital. It is easiest to circumcise a newborn.

Try not to want one sex over the other.

Despite "predictive theories" there's no absolutely sure way of knowing
what you'll have until you have it. Don't set yourself up for
disappointment.

People will tell you it really won't matter if your baby is a girl or
boy because your preference will disappear once the child is born.

This is usually very true.

Have your husband give you a good foot massage.

In the Hospital Don't be afraid of labor.

Women have survived it for the past millennium, and today you have a
choice of anesthetics if you want pain relief First-time mothers wonder
what early labor feels like. For many, the first signs are a persistent
crampiness in the abdomen or lower back.

Walking accelerates real labor and makes false labor subside. If you are
wondering whether you are having real labor contractions, go for a walk.

If you have long hair, tie it up before you go to the hospital so it
will not get tangled if you miss a few days of grooming.

If your water does not break, wait as long as you feel comfortable
before going to the hospital. Most first-time mothers go to the hospital
too early.

Bring a camera. Even if you think you do not want pictures taken, you
will appreciate them after baby's birth.

Bring your announcement envelopes. You can use some of your recovery
time to address them.

Bring all the phone numbers of family and friends with whom you will
want to share your happy news.

Have your partner drive you to the hospital or birthing centre-but only
when your water has broken or your contractions are regular and
frequent. Ask your doctor how long you should wait before you go to the
hospital.

If you are an athlete, think about each contraction as being a hill you
have to run or bike up. Pace yourself, and focus on getting to the top.
Take a breather on the "downhill" side in between your contractions.

Focus on relaxing.

Focus on getting through each moment.

Focus on a place or an activity that gives you strength and courage.

Whatever works for you, do it.

And keep doing it.

Have your partner check you into the hospital or birthing center.

When you get into your birthing room, get as comfortable as you can.

Tell the nurses, doctors, midwives, or your partner what you need.

Even when your contractions are less intense, practice your Lamaze or
breathing techniques with each contraction. Practice now for the more
intense contractions that will come.

Take comfort in knowing that if your labor is extremely painful it will
soon be over.

And it will be unbelievably worth every wince.

Have your partner place a cool washcloth on your forehead if you find
your body temperature warming up.

Tell your partner and nurses what is working and what is not working.

It's your body and your pain. You are the boss.

After the birth, limit your visitors. They will mean well, but you will
be more tired than you might realize.

If you decide you want or need anesthesia, don't burden yourself with
guilt. You do not need to be a martyr to have a baby. No one but you is
keeping score on whether you deliver with or without anesthesia.

Conserve your energy. If you are tiring, let your doctor know. She may
want you to have anesthesia so you will have the energy to push the baby
out.

Ask the nurses any and all questions about the baby and yourself. No
questions are too obvious or too simple.

If you can, have your partner spend the first night with you in the
hospital room.

Put a small stuffed toy in with your baby before they wheel him to the
nursery; it will be easier to identify him among all the other little
bundles.

Be kind to the nurses and hospital staff.

Kindness breeds kindness.

Have the nurses show you how to wrap your baby tightly. A newborn finds
it comforting to be confined as he was in the womb.

Don't worry if the baby's head looks like a Picasso abstract. Most
babies are not born beautiful. They have had a traumatic experience and
it will take about a week for their features to look normal.

Bring your ~own pillow for the recovery room.

Call your friends and family as soon as you are ready. Don't worry about
waking people up. They will love to hear the news!

Don't leave the hospital or birthing center before you have to. Use your
hospital time to sleep as much as possible.

Ask friends and family not to send gifts to the hospital. You will be
there for only a brief time, and when you leave you'll have your hands
full with an important bundle.

If possible, wear your favorite nightie, but be sure it is washable.

(Some hospitals may require a hospital gown.)

Walk the hallways a bit if you are up to it; it will feel good to move
around.

Don't feel strange if you are not immediately overwhelmed with love for
baby.

You have to give yourself time to recover, and you and your baby have to
get to know each other.

If friends want to bring anything to the hospital, have them bring some
warm, homemade soup and bread. It is the best treat, and you will be
hungry!

Be sure your partner or a friend drives you home. Don't try to drive the
baby home yourself The first car ride can be unnerving because you will
want to check that the baby is comfortable after every bump and corner.
Many hospitals have strict rules about transportation home for
postpartum patients, especially for women who have had cesarean
sections.

...  ... ... ... ... ... ... Give yourself more time than you ever
thought you would need to get ready to go anywhere.

Start this new practice with your preparations to leave the hospital.

: ... .<  ... .. , ... ... ...  ... . Take home little mementos of the
hospital visit, such as the identification bracelets or a baby picture
in the nursery.

Be sure to take a phone number for the maternity ward in case you have a
question for the nurses when you get home.

The First Week at Home Make sure you and your partner and your baby have
some time for just the three of you in the first few days. It is a
special time for the new family.

Don't overdress baby. Babies can tolerate the same temperatures as
adults, assuming they are dressed similarly.

Let your husband, friends, and family members wait on you for a few
days. Let your body recover before you start to run around.

Send thank you notes to your doctor and nurses.

Savor the sweet smell of your little one.

Take heart in knowing that each day gets a little easier, and each day
you will all grow a little closer.

Arrange to have family or hired help for the first weeks to help with
cooking, cleaning, and running the house. Your primary jobs will be
getting to know your baby and sleeping.

Rent a good electric breast pump. The hospital-quality pumps are very
expensive but work infinitely better than the more affordable models you
will see commercially advertised.

Buy a silver spoon and initial it for your child.

::72.

-'.".";.": ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ...  ... ... ... ... ... ...  ... If you are feeling down, call your
mother or a close friend who has had a baby. You likely suffer from
postpartum depression.

It's a hormonal thing. Other mothers will understand this and may be
able to comfort you.

Change your phone message and let the world know of your new addition.

You will save yourself a lot of repetitive reporting.

Be as gentle with yourself as you are with your baby.

You have both been through a lot, and there are many new things you have
to get used to.

Make a list of emergency numbers and put it by the phone so that you,
your partner, or anyone who takes care of the baby has it handy.

If you were always an assertive driver, turn over a new leaf. Get in the
right lane and stay there.

Find out if the water in your area is fluoridated. If not, ask your
pediatrician about fluoride supplements.

Don't give the baby a bath until his belly button has fully healed, i.e
the stump has fallen off. Use only an alcohol swab to clean this area.

Get out of the house. Go for a stroll.

::? ... ('..".-:

A baby sucks for comfort. Have a supply of pacifiers or a clean finger
available.

Make sure the baby's changing table is secure.

If you have a little boy, watch out for the surprise fountain when
changing the diaper. It's best to diaper up with the "whizzer" down so
that he doesn't wet himself through a peek in the diaper.

For this fleeting week, forget about the outside world and focus on the
special intimacy of your own little home and family. %.. '-" ...  ..."
Be prepared (with wipes and an open pail) before you take off baby's
diaper.

Your milk will self-express at the first sound of a cry, or even when
you think about the baby. Use breast pads to avoid accidents. Use the
breast pump to relieve excessive pressure.

Carry your baby carefully. Hold a banister with one hand when you are
walking up and down steps.

Remove excess crib bedding that could pose a threat of suffocation.

Some mysterious crib deaths (SIDS) are reportedly due to unsafe crib
environments.

Ask a trusty neighbor if she or he will be ready to help in the event of
an emergency. Keep her/his number on your emergency phone list.

Keep taking your vitamins. Your body is working hard to restore itself
and feed your child.

Slow down.

Think about what you are doing at the moment.

More keys are lost, and mothers locked out of their houses, because they
are not thinking about what they are doing.

They are thinking about baby.

Make yourself nap. You may not feel tired, but it will all catch up with
you.

Make sure you have hats for the baby sun hats in the summer, warm caps
in the winter. Protect that soft skin.

Don't be too impatient to get your figure back. Eat smart, exercise, and
you'll bounce back quickly.

C;.":

You may pee a little when you laugh, sneeze, or run. Kegels are supposed
to help, so do lots of them daily.

Don't worry too much about the right way to do things. Your baby will
tell you what he likes and doesn't like.

Never hesitate to call your pediatrician for advice.

Don't go to extremes to make the baby's room quiet and dark for naps.

If the baby gets used to absolute peace and quiet, he'll be very
particular about when and how he sleeps as he gets older. Some baby
experts say the noisier the better.

Keep people with colds or illnesses away from your baby for the first
few months.

The infant immune system is not in full gear for three or four months.

If you haven't yet bought one, get a diaper pail that has an inside
guard/liner. It will help with aroma control.

If you are giving your baby formula, be sure to measure the formula and
water amounts carefully, and test the temperature of the fluid on your
wrist before you give the bottle to the baby.

The white stuff that lingers in the baby's mouth may not be milk; it may
be thrush.

Don't fret. Consult your pediatrician. It's a common yeast infection
that infants often get.

Keep a nightlight on in your room. It saves you from bumping ankles and
waking up your spouse.

Trust your instincts.

Mother really does know best.

Use one of the suction bulbs that they used in the birthing room to
clear the baby's stuffy nose. He won't like it, but it will help him
breathe better.

Greet each of your baby's risings with a smile, a coo, and a hug.

The First Three Months Keep making lists, but be lenient on yourself
about getting all the "to do's" done.

Keep night feedings as sleepy and as brief as possible. Don't turn them
into late-night playtimes.

Learn to tell the difference between spit ups and throw ups. The first
are normal.

The second may indicate an allergic reaction or a more serious illness.

Don't make a tight schedule for yourself because the baby is going to
call the shots.

You're in for a crash course in flexibility.

Enjoy your baby while he is a newborn; he will grow up very quickly.

'<.:: ... ;::: ... .. If you are breast-feeding, you might consider
introducing a bottle (of formula or breastmilk) at six weeks. It will
make it easier to wean the baby when you're ready.

Keep doing your Kegels.

If the baby is screaming relentlessly for no apparent reason and you've
run out of patience, call for reinforcements (partner, mother, or
babysitter).

If the baby is screaming and you can't find a reinforcement, leave him
in his crib to cry for a few minutes and go refresh your patience.

Watch how your baby reacts to being held, stroked, and talked to.

Early on he has his own little preferences.

('.."::

Know that every mother occasionally feels "at the end of her rope."

When you reach the end of your rope, don't add guilt to your
frustration.

No one said motherhood was going to be easy.

Visit relatives who cannot visit you.

After feedings, keep the baby upright and as calm as possible for about
ten minutes.

You'll lessen the chances that the food will come back up.

Send grandmas, aunts, and special friends lots of pictures.

Write about your baby's new developments and send the updates to your
family.

Buy a crib mirror for the baby. Narcissism starts early. Babies love to
look at their reflections.

Buy a few black and white toys or cards.

Newborns see in black and white most clearly.

Choose babysitters who will really care about your child--people who
will give your child the same kind of attention they give their very
own.

(';::

Share your discoveries and your concerns with your family and with other
mothers.

They will share your delight, and you will get good comfort and some
good advice.

Nap when your baby naps. You need more sleep than you may think.

Put away your silk shirts. Bring out the wash-and-wear.

If you get fancy for work or for a night out, take off your dress
clothes before handling the baby. Better to be safe than sorry.

Make sure to give your partner some good attention and that you two
spend time alone.

Make sure you really like and absolutely trust your daycare center or
babysitters. If not, find another childcare solution.

Once you've found a good childcare option, treat the providers well.

Good childcare is a blessing and needs to be nurtured.

Take as many photos of the baby with his grandparents and his
great-grandparents as you can. They will be cherished now and for
generations.

Let your baby learn on her own.

Give her some simple stimuli such as a mirror or a rattle, and watch her
figure it out.

Read the newspaper at least once a week.

Save clippings about really significant events that occur in your baby's
birth year to put in her scrapbook.

Schedule exercise at least four times a week. You won't regain your
former shape without making a little effort. If you schedule workouts in
advance, it will be easier to keep the commitment. :~ Don't give up
eating right. If you're nursing, your baby eats what you eat, healthy or
unhealthy.

'..".".:

Frame the baby announcement.

Let people know whether it is a good time or a bad time to visit. Be
honest.

Get the baby to fall asleep on her own. If she depends on a bottle or
your rocking for comfort, she'll need it each time she awakens.

Always have an extra, clean baby blanket on hand, especially if your
baby tends to spit up.

Keep moisturizer for your hands near the changing area. Cloth, paper,
and water take their toll on your skin.

Don't use Q-Tips to clean the inside of the baby's ears or nose. There
is a real risk of damaging the internal ear or nasal area by using such
"hygienic" devices too aggressively.

Try to look at the world through your baby's eyes.

Think about what it must be like to see everything new and to be able to
communicate needs with only a cry.

Try to understand your baby's rhythms and needs. Different cries
communicate different things.

Talk in a lilting voice, even your partner should. Babies respond
better to higher-pitched sounds.

Don't keep the baby's bassinet or crib in your bedroom longer than is
comfortable for you. You will sleep better if you're not waking up each
time the baby rustles.

Take pictures of the baby's room. You'll want to remember what it looks
like and so will your baby.

Find a local family support center. They have a wide array of resources
and classes.

Breast-feed discreetly. You may feel comfortable, but others may not.

If you have a video camera, use it. If not, rent one periodically.

You will love your home movies and so will your baby.

Figure out a basic system for caring for baby that works for both you
and your partner.

Keep flexible and keep communicating.

Baby's patterns and needs will continually change.

But with clear expectations and constant communication, your system will
work more smoothly.

Check into nursery school and kindergarten programs in your area. Some
have waiting lists that are several years long, and you'll need to sign
up as soon as the baby is born to keep your options open.

Make sure important items (lotions, wipes, towels, etc.) have their
place, and make sure to put them back after each use.

Use birth control, even if you're breast-feeding.

Many surprise pregnancies happen soon after birth because parents assume
that it can't happen.

And on Through the First Year Use tearless soap. It makes bathing more
fun for both of you.

Test bottles and food that have been heated before you give them to the
baby--especially if you use a microwave.

Microwaves heat from the inside out. Don't risk scalding your baby's
little tongue.

Bibs with Velcro closures are easier to get on and off than string tie
bibs.

If you wear eyeglasses, invest in some eyeglass cleaner. You will need
it.

Eyeglasses are a favorite "grab." Better yet, if you have contacts, wear
them. They will make you less vulnerable and better able to snuggle with
the baby.

Be responsible about throwing away disposable diapers. If you have to
change the baby in public, find a private corner.

You may not mind, but others will.

Try to get your baby on a schedule play, eat, nap, etc. The routine will
help both of you.

Periodically, check that the car seat works.

Get some one-piece pj's with feet. Blankets do not stay on sleeping
babies, who inevitably toss and turn.

When you get your first smile, encourage it.

Smile back.

Acknowledge baby talk; turn it into a twoway conversation.

Keep current baby pictures in your wallet.

Parents love to share photos of their families.

Take trips while the baby is sleeping a lot and is less independently
mobile.

Remember that with most airlines your baby flies for free until age two.

Let strangers admire your child--from a ':..

healthy distance. :i Make up stories and share them. Learn to talk about
anything and everything.

Take up bird- and squirrel-watching with your baby.

Make sure your baby's socks are "no-slip."

Slippery socks and early toddling don't mix well.

Help baby stretch and do exercises. He will love the movement in his
limbs.

Keep track of and stick to the recommended immunization schedule.

Don't tolerate snivelling.

Ignore it, but make sure your baby knows you love her.

Keep handy a written medical record of your baby's visits to the doctor.

Always call the pediatrician if your child runs a high temperature, is
unusually lethargic, or is unusually unhappy.

Call your family at least once a week. Let them hear baby's little
noises.

Get into a bedtime routine--bath, read, bedtime bottle. These routines
are good for bonding and help settle an active baby.

Figure out your baby's nap schedule and stick to it. Allow room for
change, but be sure the change still provides the needed rest and
rejuvenation--for both of you!

Make a recording of your baby's gurgles and save it for some special
time in the future.

Make clay impressions of the baby's hands and feet within the first six
months. Frame them.

Don't bring your baby to adult functions without asking your host.

Baby accidents will happen. No matter how bad the situation, try to
remain calm, and do not leap to assign blame. Focus on solving the
situation.

Don't talk about your baby at every social engagement unless you are
asked. Some folks, especially if they don't have kids, tire quickly of
baby lore.

Don't go to fancy restaurants with your baby. You risk having your
dinner interrupted and spoiling everyone else's dinner, too.

Put breakable valuables out of baby's reach.

Be smart about preventing accidents.

Save a lock of hair from your baby's first haircut.

Get T-shirts that snap at the crotch; they }..

are often called "onesies" or "snapsuits."

Take a storytelling class.

When your baby starts to eat real food, encourage experimentation. Try
string cheese, frozen peas, bananas, bits of Fig Newtons.

Forget your inhibitions.

Let out the child in you.

Beware of foods that choke, such as round bits of carrot, hot dogs,
grapes, popcorn, and peanuts.

Feed your baby only when he's seated. Bad habits start early. Babies who
eat and run are good candidates for an accident.

Take a basic first aid class. Know how to perform basic CPR and how to
deal with choking and poison emergencies.

Send your babysitter to the first aid class.

Make sure she knows where the emergency numbers are posted.

Be patient with your partner; don't rag on him/her because the baby has
been ragging on you.

Keep a nightlight on in the baby's room. It makes it easier to check on
him in the wee hours.

Periodically, discuss child-rearing issues with your partner. Make sure
you agree on schedules, discipline, feeding routines, etc. If you have
differences of opinion, ask your pediatrician for counsel. Talk things
through during neutral times.

Always praise others' babies.

Let others praise your own, but don't solicit the attention.

Grab slickers and umbrellas and take your baby for a walk in the rain.

Foul weather doesn't hurt a baby, provided she is appropriately dressed.

Spend time in the wilderness. Let your baby notice the small and
wonderful activity in the wild.

Avoid arguing in front of baby. If you do argue in front of her, let her
also watch you reconcile your differences.

Watch out for things that can burn a baby.

Carrying hot coffee and your baby at the same time is a formula for
disaster.

C.."

Be patient through baby's periods of bad temper.

We all have our moments.

:'""<::';L?::::.7'"":

Find a great playground and find time to play there.

Accept praise of your child gracefully and quickly. Don't use it as an
invitation to brag.

Bundle up and go for a walk in the snow.

Let the baby share in your chores; it's often play for him.

Changing sessions diapers and clothes in become a bore for the baby at
around eight months. Keep a favorite toy close by as a distraction, or
else you'll both get annoyed.

Take note of and celebrate your baby's little achievements: rolling
over, the first smile, pushing up, the first crawl, the first tooth.

Let the baby watch you cook. Give him a not-too-hot wet noodle from the
pasta you're making.

Invest in your marriage.

A strong marriage is the base of a strong family.

Clean up after your toddler's play as you go; it'll be easier than
letting the disarray spread unchecked.

Try not to say "N-O" any more than you really have to.

Even at this early age, explain briefly to baby why something is not
allowed. Babies quickly develop an understanding of our tone and words.

Don't scramble to answer every phone call; let the answering machine get
it.

Wave "bye-bye."

Clip little fingernails regularly. They are razor sharp on the baby's
face and on yours !

Refrain from wearing long, dangling earrings that can be grabbed easily.

There is very rarely an infant that is too fat.

Don't let the baby's size worry you about future obesity problems.

Don't let your baby fall asleep with a juice bottle; it can rot his
teeth.

Say "please" and "thank you." Set a good example.

If some of your relatives live far away, be sure you have recent
photographs of them for your baby. There are plastic photo rings that
are designed to withstand a toddler's teething and will help him to know
his grandma, uncles, cousins, and other important relatives.

Tie back or cut your hair, or the baby will yank it.

Enjoy being the audience.

.4 child's ability to entertain himself and explore on his own is
virtually endless.

Don't be a giant. Get down to your baby's level for games and talks.

Don't go overboard on buying toys. Be imaginative. There are a lot of
things around the house that are perfectly safe and fun. The kitchen has
a wealth of such items: strainers, ladles, colanders, tin and plastic
bowls, etc. When you buy toys, buy those that are made to last and that
have longevity in terms of a child's learning and interest.

If you go overboard on buying anything for your baby, go overboard on
books. When you buy books, get the chubby variety; many toddlers chew on
the books as much as they look at them.

Read to your baby. Research indicates that children begin to develop
language skills much earlier than their initial efforts in speech may
indicate.

Don't force-feed your child. Pediatricians generally agree that children
naturally gravitate toward a healthy diet. Force-feeding just creates
strong dislikes or aversions to whatever is forced.

Check out children's library programs and start to get involved in them
now.

If you ever feel like screaming, count to ten.

Sing to your baby. She loves mommy and daddy's voices.

Take a bath with the baby. It's easier and more fun for both of you.

Acclimate your pets to the baby slowly.

Give them attention too. Like all of us, they can get jealous.

Dance with your baby; find music that makes you both happy.

Spoil your baby with love.

Take the baby to museums and public places. Talk to her about what you
see.

Never leave your baby unattended--anywhere.

When you are away, call home every day and have a chat with your child.

Check your supply bag each time before you go out--have diapers,
pacifiers, a bottle, food, wipes, extra clothes. Have a checklist handy
and go through it. A quick check now avoids hassles later.

Watch your posture when you are carrying the baby. New parenthood may be
the cause of many a back problem.

When you take your baby to another place to sleep, bring a familiar
blanket or stuffed animal.

Right from the start, declare certain areas "out of bounds" if you want
to keep some rooms in your home in perfect shape.

Baby-proof your house before you have to.

Pay special attention to baby-proofing bathrooms, kitchens, and
backyards.

Keep your baby's precious skin out of the sun--use hats and sunscreen,
or stay in the shade.

Don't dote. Let your baby learn to play on her own.

Be the first to volunteer to change the baby's diaper. Don't let her sit
in a dirty diaper. It will bring on a rash quickly.

Plan family outings. Use your imagination and local resources to find
activities that you and your baby can enjoy.

Share your prayers with your child.

Pace yourself. If you try to do too much, you won't make the time to
enjoy the little things.

Clean up your language. You will soon have a copycat in the house.

Preserve family traditions at holiday times.

Create your own new family traditions.

Get friends and family to remove silk ties or scarves before they hold
the baby and provide them with a burping cloth--especially if your baby
tends to spit up.

Put on a costume--for fun. Your baby will love it!

Drive carefully, and report reckless drivers.

You have precious cargo.

Even if a pool is fenced or covered, never leave your toddler to play
near water unattended.

Teach the baby to "high five."

Subscribe to a magazine that gives you hints on parenting and ideas of
things to do with your child. Parents, Parenting, Family Fun, and Sesame
Street magazines are some of the good choices.

Teach the baby to shake hands.

:2.

Keep doing your Kegels. It will pay off.

Once in awhile, sleep with your baby. Very soon, she will be so mobile
and independent-minded, it will be tougher to have a peaceful snuggle.

Get your baby a red balloon.

Celebrate your friends' pregnancies. Do for others what you liked having
done for you.

Re-evaluate your life insurance and investment policies, taking into
account your long-term needs as a family.

Try a baby gym class. Gymboree is a national franchise of baby gym
classes.

Community centers are also good local resources for kids' activities.

If you can, spend at least a half-hour alone each day--especially if you
work. You need time to regroup and catch your breath.

Laugh.

(Children laugh an average of three hundred or more times a day;

adults laugh an average of five times a day.

We have a lot of catching up to do.)

Introduce the baby to a piano, drum, or other instrument with which he
can easily make music.

Keep contributing to that educational savings account you opened for
your baby.

Find a good investment counselor if you want a thorough financial
analysis and professional help.

Make a regular date for just you and your spouse  ... . once a week if
possible.

Kiss your baby.

By the time the baby is six months old, go away for a weekend with your
spouse.

Rediscover each other.

If you take your baby on an airplane, time feedings for take off and
landing. This will force her to swallow and relieve the pressure on her
ears.

If you do fly, get yourself an aisle seat, or better yet, a bulkhead.

Middle seats are an absolute disaster for you, your baby, and the folks
on either side of you.

Make a regular date for just you and your spouse--once a week if
possible.

Kiss your baby.

By the time the baby is six months old, go away for a weekend with your
spouse.

Rediscover each other.

Get a rubber duck for the baby's bath.

Use a sponge or washcloth to rinse the baby's hair.

Buy cars that are big enough for your family to grow into.

Have someone take a family photograph for holiday gifts and cards.

Start a tradition of annual family photographs.

Learn lullabies and lull your baby.

Keep lots of towels and sponges handy for spills, sneezes, and general
messes.

Remember at least one good, clean joke and share it with your baby. A
good sense of humor develops early and lasts forever.

Talk with your baby respectfully and intelligently. Speech patterns are
formed early.

Play "Trot, trot to Boston ..."

If you have a yard, invest in a swingset. It will provide hours of
healthy fun.

If you have room for a dog, consider getting one. There is a special
chemistry between children and dogs.

Tune in to your baby and notice his new discoveries of the day, small
and subtle though they may be.

Crawling is tough on little knees. Be sure she's wearing long pants, and
soften rough skin with cream at night.

Stock your medicine cabinet with the basic children's supplies. Be sure
to include ipecac syrup in case your baby swallows something poisonous.
Be prepared.

Invest in a good, quiet humidifier. It will help the baby breathe when
he has a cold.

Even healthy babies get lots of colds.

Say "Mommy loves you" to your baby at least once a day.

Say "I love you" to your partner each night and each morning.

Find friends with kids so that you can exchange hand-me-down clothes,
toys, and equipment.

Find a good used clothing shop that carries children's clothes.

When separation anxiety sets in, leave quickly with a "good-bye" and a
kiss.

:;.".

Put toy and puzzle pieces back together when the baby has moved on to
something else.

Limit television watching, but don't rule out "Sesame Street."

Help your baby discover how to use her new teeth.

Give your baby positive feedback for smiles and exploitative energy.

Don't encourage his whining.

Get a window shade for the car; sun in the eyes hurts.

Do things together as a family at least once a week.

Go to a petting zoo.

If you like to hike, get a baby backpack; hiking is a great family
affair.

Go watch a parade.

Introduce shoes when the toddling begins.

Check regularly to see that the shoe still fits. A baby's feet grow
incredibly fast.

:2.."

Learn to play peekaboo ten different ways.

Play "This little piggy ..."

Buy stock in General Mills. Babies love Cheerios.

Make every moment count.

As the baby gains weight, be careful of your back. When you pick up your
baby, bend your knees rather than leaning way over.

Be wary of small, inedible objects around the baby. They may be
vulnerable to a random taste test.

Buy some of the plastic links that can be i made into chains and can
attach toys to ::

anything a stroller, a car seat, a crib. They are safe, colorful, and
fun for the baby to i fiddle with.

Babies love shopping, but gauge their attention span and be prepared to
abandon the chore midstream.

Buy baby clothes by height and weight, not by size. Baby clothing sizing
is inconsistent.

Buy baby clothes that are a size too big.

They'll fit next week.

When you lose the weight you gained during your pregnancy, reward
yourself.

Keep a safety strap on your stroller, especially if you are walking in a
hilly area.

Introduce your baby to the man in the moon "Mr. Moon."

When crossing a street, take care not to push the stroller into traffic.
And look both ways twice (once for each of you.)

When the baby starts to "cruise" and climb, be careful of furniture that
tips over easily. It will be tested.

Watch out for sharp corners on furniture.

Put a "splash mat" under the highchair.

Any large square piece of plastic will work.

Clean baby's hands carefully after each meal. Stickiness spreads.

Allocate a lower drawer in the kitchen and in other rooms for the baby.

Fill them with fun, safe stuff.

Disguise healthy vegetables in spoonfuls of favorite foods. Lasagne and
meatloaf can easily be made into a more vegetable-intensive meal.

Stage a pillow fight--a gentle one.

Once in a while, bring the baby into your or your partner's office.

: Find your baby's tickle spots.

:.

Return all borrowed infant equipment.

Save old boxes; they make great toys, walkers, and gyms. Be sure they
are easy to get into and out of and will not easily collapse if the baby
climbs on top of them.

"i:! Plan outings around nap times. If the baby ! misses a nap, you'll
both suffer.

: ...  Practice making funny faces. Find one that ~: gets a laugh, and
use it again and again.

:.; ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Introduce your baby to the
spill-proof cup before his first birthday.

Start a play group.

Make wrapping paper together with your child using nontoxic
fingerpaints.

Let your baby be your teacher; you'll be amazed at how much you can
learn.

Allow yourself plenty of time with your baby before considering having
another child.

As your baby outgrows old clothes, sort them by size into boxes. Label
the boxes and store them.

If you lend out clothes that your baby has outgrown but you want them
returned, be sure to put a name tag in them, and keep a list of the
borrowed items.

As the baby gets more mobile, reassess areas in your home that may need
to be further childproofed.

If she's willing, let grandma and grandpa take care of the baby for a
week. Give yourself a break, and give grandparents a special private
time with baby.

Plan for tomorrow, but live for today.

Think back over the past year and ten months and smile.

Congratulate your partner for being a great dad.

Think about all the things you did right for your baby over the past
year. Give yourself credit.

Celebrate your baby's first year. Share photos and videos from the first
year with family and baby.

Ask yourself each week, "How can I be an even better mom?"

!

!

HEATHER KING is a new mother, a part-time marketing consultant, and an
aspiring entrepreneur. She is a graduate of Dartmouth College and
Dartmouth's Amos Tuck School of Business. For the past eight years, she
held marketing management positions at Apple and at Next Computer.
Heather grew up in Westchester County, New York. She now lives with her
husband Wade, their son Hampton, and their two labradors--Carley and
Elvis, in the San Francisco Bay Area.