indecent act
by
Maria Barre


 Thea?' Daniel moved forward, then stopped himself. Thea,
what's happened?'

Thea dropped her hands down and looked at him. 'Cora
found out this morning that the GPS might have to drop
the case and she took it really badly.'

Daniel glanced away for a moment. 'And?'

'She was in a terrible state!' Her voice broke and was
thick with tears. 'Phil said she ran out of the office almost
hysterical, he tried to go after her but . . .'

'Oh God, Thea, I'm so sorry.'

'You're sorry?' she cried. 'You do it just for the money,
you destroy her and you're sorry?'

'Where is she?' Daniel asked. 'What's happened to her?'

That's just it! We don't know!' She looked at him and
he longed to touch her. 'Cora has disappeared,' Thea said,
'and the state she was in, God knows what might have
happened to her.'

DANGEROUS OBSESSION

DECEIVED

DISHONOURED

INTIMATE LIES

BREACH OF PROMISE

INDECENT ACT

Maria Barrett

a

WARNER BOOKS

A Warner Book

First published in Great Britain in 1999

by Little, Brown and Company
This edition published by Warner Books in 2000.


The moral right of the author has been asserted.

All characters in this publication are fictitious
and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any
form or by any means, without the prior
permission in writing of the publisher, nor be
otherwise circulated in any form of binding or
cover other than that in which it is published and
without a similar condition including this
condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 0- 7515 2478 6

Typeset by Palimpsest Book Production Limited,

Polmont, Stirlingshire

Printed and bound in Great Britain by

Clays Ltd, St Ives pic

Warner Books
A Division of

Little, Brown and Company (UK)
Brettenham House

Lancaster Place
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For William, Lily and Edward,
with love

Acknowledgements

Thank you firstly to the team: to William who has garnished
my reputation by telling his small friends that Mummy
doesn't write children's books, she writes adult fiction; to
Lily who provides the perfect research material for emotional
complexity; and to Edward who has been a very good sleeper.
My thanks to Emma who manages these three and me and
much more. As always I am indebted to her for her kindness
and love to the children, without which I couldn't work.

Thank you to my dear friend, Simon Waley, for all his
legal help, working through the storyline, fine tuning my
research and getting it right. Thank you also to Detective
Sergeant Del Cuff of the Crawley Child Protection Team
for his help with my research. I was impressed by his
professionalism and sensitivity to the whole issue of rape
and his hard work in changing the way that sex crimes are
dealt with by the police. Any mistakes are mine. Thank
you to Ellie Goodson for her knowledge and insight into
the world of stripping; to Helen Anderson, a great job as
always; to Barbara Boote for her continued support and
enthusiasm for how and what I write; and to Mic Cheetham,
my agent.

Finally, thank you to my Mum, who is always there for
me, to June and Pat who do so much for all of us and as
ever, especially to Jules. A happy year, thank God.

MB

Part One.

Chapter One.

Thea Marshall was conceived on a warm Indian summer's day in the middle
of September, 1969. Her parents, Hedda and Jake, had just arrived back
to 59, Park Road, Islington, after months touring the Asian continent in
a VW combi van, and were rather taken with the notion of tantric sex.

It was a miracle that she was conceived at all really, considering that
Jake would spend up to six hours nurturing his erection, while Hedda lay
prone on a bean bag waiting for an experience that was far more mental
and spiritual than physical. But conceived she had been and then duly
delivered, forty-two weeks later, into a pool of warm water amidst the
wail of Indian sitars and a stream of shocked expletives from her
mother.

That was absolutely incredible,' Jake had said, stroking Hedda's brow
and massaging a tiny amount of tiger balm into her temples. The most
amazing experience of my--"

"Get off me!' Hedda had shouted. ' take that disgusting stuff with you!'
She looked up with tears in her eyes at the young GP who was about to
stitch her. ', eh?

Incredible! Sew the whole bloody thing right up, all of it!

Go on! Because I'm never ever going to do that again!"

And she hadn't. Thea was an only child in an intense, liberal, academic
household where she often went unnoticed amongst the crowd of colleagues
and students from the social sciences wing of the West Trant Polytechnic
who commandeered the kitchen, smoking and drinking herb tea all hours of
the day and night. She should have been precocious, noisy and difficult,
perhaps even developed an eating disorder, and then she would have been
entitled to her mother's attention, like all the other worthy causes
Hedda Marshall was so involved with. But Thea was none of these things.
She was an ordered, quiet and clever little girl, who shied away from
attention and lost herself in fairy tales. She kept her room neat and
tidy, loved needlework and produced small, detailed paintings of flowers
and bowls of fruit in her art class.

She was nurtured intellectually, of course, was given the right toys at
the right time, taken to the ballet and opera and told openly and
plainly the facts of life at the age of eight. But she didn't really
have a home, not the sort of home that she wanted, that the other
children in her progressive left-wing state school had. She was never
allowed fish fingers or tinned Heinz spaghetti, she had never had a
birthday party with a proper tea and silly games. She had never snuggled
up on the sofa with her parents to watch The Sound of Music on the TV or
had to stay in for Sunday roast. She had been given a free rein,
encouraged to experiment and shown the spirit of sisterhood. By the age
of fifteen, however, Thea could cook a very nice chicken casserole, knew
how to get value for money out of her weekly wash and had worked out an
efficient house-cleaning rota that she could manage after school.

Hedda despaired. ' the hell does she get it from?" she repeatedly asked
Jake, her friends and her colleagues.

"It's like some sort of generational throw-back. Here I am, in the
thrust of feminism, with a good career, open marriage, HRT, personal
pension plan, in fact everything I need to be my own person, and there
she is, glued to the sodding soap powder commercials.' The unfairness of
it rankled. Hedda had wanted a daughter who would identify with her,
aspire to the same heroines and love tofu.

Then Thea met Hal.

It was in her first term at university - at least I did something right,
said Hedda to Jake, on opening Thea's acceptance letter from New
College, Oxford - he was a maths and physics scholar, with a flop of
blond hair, a surfer's tan and a long wiry body encased in smooth downy
haired skin. He hailed from a big noisy family somewhere up in the
north, a household full of women who adored him. He was the youngest of
five, with four sisters, and was used to having the wrinkles ironed out
of his life, which made him, amongst other things, easy, charming and
very relaxed.

Thea fell in love, a passionate, all-consuming and heartily sexual love,
which was returned, albeit to a lesser degree, by Hal, and at last her
parents understood something about her. Staying up late into the night,
empty wine bottles left on the kitchen table, her bedroom door firmly
locked and the constant creak and groan of the old-fashioned pine bed.

This was youth, this was independence. And then, in June, halfway
through the Trinity term, Thea came home one afternoon and told her
parents that she was pregnant.

"What the hell do you mean, you're pregnant? For God's sake, Thea, I
took you to the bloody doctor's for the pill at sixteen!"

Thea stood in the kitchen with her hands dug deep in the pockets of her
coat while Hedda's colleague, Marian, from the Women's Refuge, sat at
the table and stared at her with a mixture of pity and embarrassment.

"I just don't believe it,' Hedda went on. ' all the things we've told
you and done to ensure that you don't make exactly this sort of
mistake!' Hedda reached for her cigarettes, lit up and perched on the
edge of the table. She exchanged glances with Marian. Tm thoroughly
disappointed, Thea, I really am! This is just so selfish of you, and
particularly now, right in the middle of the rehousing project that
Marian and I have worked so hard to set up!

It's just one more thing that I have to deal with, one more added
stress!' She stubbed her cigarette out, barely smoked, into a large,
heavy glass ashtray that was already full to overflowing. A small
scattering of ash fell on to the scrubbed pine and Thea itched to wipe
it away with a damp cloth. ''ll have to go through Mike,' Hedda said,
referring to a local GP connected to' the refuge. ''ll be able to fix
things up pretty quickly, I'd imagine. Perhaps I should give him a ring
now, Marian, what d'you think?

Is he in surgery at the moment?"

Marian looked at her watch, a neon pink and orange plastic affair, and
nodded. ' finishes at half past,' she answered. ' and leave a message."

"Right, I'll do that.' Hedda slid off the table and brushed past Thea
out into the hall. She flicked through a huge shabby brown leather
organiser until she found what she wanted and picked up the phone.
Dialling, she called over her shoulder to her daughter: ' many weeks are
you, Thea? Mike'll need to know.' Suddenly she put the receiver back. '
Christ! You are only a few weeks gone, aren't you? You haven't been a
complete prat and let it fester, have you?"

Thea stared open-mouthed at her mother. The hands inside her pockets
were damp and slippery with sweat.

"I'm, erm ...' She lost her voice and coughed. ''m, erm, erm, seven
weeks, or eight, I think."

Hedda rolled her eyes. Thank God for that! Right then, Thea, why don't
you go upstairs and unpack your rucksack while I call Mike. Hopefully,
we can get this thing sorted inside of a week." Thea struggled to find
her voice again. '?' she whispered. ' ... "

For the second time, Hedda replaced the receiver and turned to face her
daughter. ''s get things absolutely clear before we go any further,
shall we? I am assuming that you have no intention of ruining a good
academic career, a bright future and a whole life ahead of you in order
to lumber yourself with a baby. I am right, aren't I?"

"I, erm, I ...' Thea willed herself to speak. She blinked rapidly
several times and dug her fingers into a now wet palm. ', erm ...' Again
her voice trailed off and she stared down at the floor. Hedda picked up
the receiver and started to dial.

"Good, that's settled."

"No!' Thea suddenly blurted out. '. I mean, yes - I mean no, no, you're
not right, I do want to have the baby, I ... "

Hedda gripped the hall table and stared tightlipped at her daughter. '!'
she called, her voice high and strangled. '! Can you come here right
now?' Thea felt behind her for the support of the wall. Her mother
glared at her. ', you'd better come,' Hedda cried, 'because if you
don't, I really think I might hit her!"

Much later that day, Thea sat in her room, her hands on the still flat
plane of her belly and listened to the rage of voices down in the
kitchen. Jake was home, Mike the GP had been called and was sitting with
Marian and Jude, another friend of Hedda's, while the arguments swelled
back and forth on teenage pregnancy, abortion, help for single mothers
and the rights of women to choose. Thea closed her eyes; she'd had it
all afternoon. Still, they could rage all they liked, they could argue,
row, swipe ideas across the room at each other, but nothing was going to
make her change her mind. Thea knew what she wanted, or thought she did
at least. She wanted the baby, she wanted the attention that having it
produced, she wanted its love and affection and she wanted an idyllic
family life. She could have those things too, she knew she could. She
already had the attention, didn't she?

At nine-thirty, Jake served a vegetable chilli and called Thea
downstairs for supper. He had laid the table around the people sitting
at it and was ladling the dark red stew on to plates with a spoon of
brown rice and bulgar wheat on the side. Thea walked across and stood by
him. He smiled, handed her a plate and said, so quietly that she almost
misheard him: ' up, love, you and that baby need good wholesome food
inside you."

Thea held back the sudden overwhelming urge to cry and carried her plate
across to the table. She sat, glanced briefly at the faces around her,
then put her head down to eat. Hedda stood up and reached for another
packet of cigarettes from the dresser. The air was already thick with
smoke and Jake coughed. ',' he said quietly, ''re about to eat."

"I can't eat!' Hedda announced. ' at a time like this!"

She reached for her glass of wine, refilled it and swallowed a hefty
mouthful. ''m surprised that you can, Jake, considering that our
daughter is about to throw her life away on some romantic ideal of
marriage and parenthood!"

"I didn't hear her say anything about marriage,' Jake countered. Hedda
harrumphed and sat back down at the table.

"All right then, not marriage,' she said with restrained irritation. '.
You have to agree with me, Jake, that it's not easy, in fact it's damn
bloody hard work.

Blood and sweat, lots of both, Thea, and no shortage of tears, I can
tell you! It's not like the ads you see on telly with pristine babies
smiling and bouncing around in soft snowy white towelling nappies! Tell
her, Jake! Tell her what it's really like!" Jake sighed. What could he
tell Thea about being a parent? He remembered the exhaustion, the
endless work, the fanatical sharing of responsibility that Hedda
insisted upon, but he also remembered Thea's warmth and smell and
endless love. For the only time in his life, for those few short years
of her babyhood, Jake had been loved unconditionally and that was a
memory he treasured.

Placing the ladle back in the chilli, he turned and said, "Hedda is
right, Thea, it isn't easy having a baby, and it's something that I
would hate to think of you doing on your own--"

"But I'm not on my own!' Thea interjected. ''ve got Hal!"

Hedda snorted derisively but Jake, kinder, said, ' realise that, Thea,
but he might not always be there. You're very young, both of you, and--"

"And one whiff of babies' sick and shit,' Hedda butted in, ' he'll be
off like a shot!"

Thea's bright face crumpled and she hung her head, big heavy tears
dropping into her food.

"Hedda, that was unnecessary,' Jake said.

"Was it?' Hedda demanded. ' don't think so. She thinks it's going to be
like a Norman Rockwell painting! All golden heads bent over books by the
firelight. But it isn't! It's hard work and compromise and never getting
what you really want." Jake looked at his wife. Very carefully, he said,
' it, Hedda?"

She stared back at him and saw something like hurt in his eyes. She was
embarrassed. ' can be,' she finished.

Jake turned back to the food on the hob. ', Marian?"

His voice was calm; he had turned away from things again.

Marian, who was wheat intolerant, couldn't eat pulses or tomatoes and
was allergic to spicy food, shook her head and poured herself more wine.
She was already well on the way to an addled state of mind and body and
was slumped on her elbows looking at no one and nothing m particular.

Mike the GP stood up and crossed to Jake to collect his and Jude's
plate. Jake spotted a couple of fiery red chillies and scooped them up
into Jude's portion. He didn't like Jude; never had.

"You know you won't be able to manage, Thea, with a baby and a tough
course at Oxford,' Hedda said, unable to leave the matter even for a few
minutes while they ate. "I don't know what anyone's told you about
motherhood or subsidies for single parents but you can take it from me
that it's no cheap ticket!" Thea said nothing. Jake sat down with his
own plate of food, glared at Hedda who had been about to light up and
gently patted Thea on the leg under the table.

"God, I see hundreds of women like you, Thea, bright, able but
struggling to be all things to all people and as a result unfulfilled.'
Hedda had moved on from the West Trant Polytechnic a decade ago and into
counselling.

She ran a lucrative practice in Hampstead -- which had paid the mortgage
off on the house in Islington - and eased her social conscience by
charity work at the refuge.

"And even if he does hang around, I don't know what use you think Hal is
going to be! He's a nice enough boy but--"

Thea lifted her head. Having Jake next to her gave her the bit of
courage that she needed. ' has rented us a cottage out near Banbury."

Hedda raised an eyebrow. ' cottage? How perfect!"

Thea glanced at her mother, began a smile then picked up on Hedda's
sarcasm and the smile faded. She swallowed down a mouthful of chilli,
then said, ', erm, I wasn't planning to go back to college actually,
Hedda."

Hedda, with her glass raised halfway to her lips, froze.

"I don't like it. I, erm, I never have and I, erm, 1 think ... "

Thea looked at her father. He cleared his throat.

"She didn't actually want to go to New College,' he said.

"As far as I can remember, Hedda, I think' - he coughed again - '
believe that you talked her into it. It's an incredible opportunity, 1
think you said, to be one of the academic elite, the country's creme de
la creme."

"Jake!'Jude put down her fork. 1 wouldn't have thought Hedda in the
slightest bit capable of elitism! I'm sure that's not true, is it,
Hedda?!" Hedda gulped her wine. ' in so many words,' she said.

Jake turned to his daughter. ' do you want to do, Thea darling? Hedda is
right, you know, she's only thinking of you and your future, but the
decision must be yours, we can't make it for you." "Why the hell not?'
Hedda suddenly demanded. ''s eighteen, Jake! What does she know about
the rest of her life, for God's sake? What does she know about children?

She's only just stopped being a child herself."

"We've always taught her to think for herself, even as a child, Hedda."

"Yes but ... " Hedda threw up her hands, unable to finish.

What she wanted to say was: But only if she thinks the right way, thinks
the way we do, and she knew that wasn't fair. It couldn't be said. Thea
had thought for herself and developed along an altogether different
plane.

"Thea? You've decided that you want to have this baby, but even after
all that Hedda has said to you, even after listening to the arguments
here today, do you still think this is the right thing to do?"

Thea lay her knife and fork down on her plate, neatly, side by side. ',
Jake,' she said. She had never called either of them Mum and Dad,
although she had longed to, many many times. ' feels right, I can't even
explain why, it just does. I want to be normal, that's all, a normal
house, normal things, a partner, a baby. I just want an ordinary life."

"And your degree?"

Hedda felt the urge to leap up and slap her daughter, or Jake or Jude
for that matter, her best friend, whose smile barely covered the sneer
behind it.. Your degree, she wanted to cry, Oxford, the opportunity I
never had, the chance of a lifetime. She clenched her teeth and waited
for the answer.

Thea looked across at her.

"I might finish it, but then I might not, I really don't know,' she
said, and with that, Hedda burst into tears.

Chapter Two.

Mason cottage, on the outskirts of a village called Duns Tew, near
Banbury was dingy, small, isolated and cold but at least it wasn't damp,
Thea told her father on the telephone that night. If it had been damp,
she said, she didn't think she could have stood it. Not that Thea was
complaining, of course, she'd had a good summer, living mostly outside
during the continuous hot July and August days, cooking, keeping house,
making a small herb garden and sewing endlessly for her baby, things
that never quite turned out to look like the picture on the pattern. It
had been lonely, of course, but that was only to be expected, so Thea
told herself. Hal hadn't been there much, he'd had to go home to see his
family, and then there was the trip to India, planned months ago that he
just couldn't get out of, but she had kept herself busy, doing odd jobs,
filling in the time as best she could and, even though it hadn't been
quite what she'd expected, there was the prospect of the baby: that was
enough to keep her going.

Once the autumn set in, though, Thea began to find it hard. The weather
turned, suddenly, late in October and the cottage became icy cold at
night. Hal had huge amounts of work and stayed in college during the
week, the telephone had been cut off and only reconnected at Jake's
insistence - and his payment of the bill - and Thea was big: large and
dense and cumbersome. Every part of her seemed to swell, almost daily.
Her breasts felt heavy and sore, her stomach was so fat that it altered
her balance and gave her searing pains down the side of her thighs and
the baby moved continuously, turning somersaults day and night, keeping
her awake, kicking out its arms and legs so that she would see the shape
of a foot stab out under the tightly stretched skin.

Some time before Christmas - a lonely one, spent in Islington with Jake
and Hedda hardly speaking - Hal went off sex. He said that he didn't
want to manhandle her in any way, upset her natural rhythm with the
baby. But once, when she was nearly full term, Thea caught him looking
at her as she stood naked, pulling a nightdress over her head, and his
face had been rigid with shock, his mouth a small puckered line of
disgust. After that he stayed in college at weekends as well and Thea
found herself struggling through the days, making conversation with her
unborn baby and taking the worn old magazines away from the doctor's
surgery for want of something to read.

She spoke sometimes to Jake, but never to Hedda. There was none of the
anticipated attention, just an isolated silence. Hedda had more or less
come round to the situation, because she loved her daughter even though
she didn't approve of or understand her, and she believed in tolerance.

Sometimes Thea reversed the charges and chattered away for ages in a
bright, dangerously high voice, and sometimes she hardly spoke at all.
Jake worried about her, he worried incessantly, but that was something
he would never confess to his wife.

"Of course it's terribly cold,' Thea went on that night. Terribly quiet
and rural, but damp, damp is something 1--"

Thea?' Jake tried to interrupt her.

"Something I don't think would be at all good for the baby, or me for
that matter, and it's impossible to get rid of, you have to--"

Thea!' Jake raised his voice slightly and there was a small silence on
the other end of the phone. Thea, are you all right? I mean it's bloody
freezing and Hedda and I, well--' He broke off. He wasn't used to the
interfering parent role. He and Hedda had agreed, right from the day
Thea was born, that she would be allowed to live her own life, that they
would only get involved if Thea asked them to. ', we just sort of
wondered,' he went on, ' you were on your own or if Hal was there."

"No, no I'm not alone,' Thea answered quickly, attempting to cover the
ache of disappointment that seeped into everything she said and did. Hal
wasn't there and she missed him terribly. ' mean, well, I am at the
moment, but - but Hal's coming back later.' The thing that Hedda and
Jake had failed to realise was that Thea didn't know how to ask for
their help. ''m fine,' she added in a small voice. ' actually."

"Good.' Jake could see Hedda; she had come into the hall from the
kitchen and was mouthing something at him.

Thea, hang on a moment, I ...' He saw that Hedda was asking if Thea was
all right and he shrugged. ', right, of course. Yes, I'll let you go
then. What time d'you expect Hal back?' He saw Hedda frown and shrugged
again. ', Thea, yes, do that, any time. OK, ' now.' He hung up and
turned away from Hedda. They had been together for over twenty years,
had an open and equal partnership, talked about their affairs, holidayed
separately, except with Thea, but now, since she had left, Jake couldn't
help wondering if there was really any point to it. He couldn't help
wondering if they'd lost something a long time ago and both of them were
too busy and too selfish to bother with trying to find it. He couldn't
help wondering if that thing was Thea.

Tm going to the refuge tonight,' Hedda said, applying lipstick in front
of the hall mirror. It amazed him that she never asked in detail about
Thea. ' we meet up for supper later, say around nine?"

"Is that a way of asking me to cook tonight?' Jake asked tersely.

Hedda stopped what she was doing and looked at him.

"No, not at all!' she answered equally as tersely. ' know the house
rules as well as I do, Jake. No one does anything in this house unless
they want to."

"No.' Maybe that was the problem. ' course not.' Maybe if Thea had had
rules, maybe if they had been more hands on ... He watched Hedda click
the lid back on to her lipstick. ' was going to do courgette bake, OK?"

Hedda smiled. It was a wide, deep, plum-coloured smile but there was no
warmth in it. She couldn't talk about Thea, she had failed as a mother
and she didn't know why Jake couldn't see it.

"I'll see you later then?"

Tup.'Jake walked to the front door with her, reluctant to let her go,
but unable to think of anything that would make her want to stay. ' or
white?"

"Sorry?"

Tonight? Red or white wine?" "Oh God, anything.' she said with a hint of
irritation.

Jake closed the door after her and noticed for the first time ever that
the house seemed to be in a perpetual state of silence.

Thea put the receiver down and stood with her back against the cold
stone wall of the cottage. She'd had a dull ache in her lower back all
afternoon, probably from clearing out that coal shed ready for the pram,
she thought, wondering exactly when it was going to materialise. It was
Hal's responsibility, he'd said he would get it organised but when or
how wasn't really part of Hal's thinking process.

Thea just hoped he hadn't forgotten, realised with a bite of
disappointment that he probably had and moved slowly towards the kitchen
to make herself a cup of tea. She lifted the heavy old iron kettle, took
it to the sink, filled it and went to heave it on to the hot plate of
the Rayburn. Just as she did so, her waters broke. With a tiny pop and a
sudden great whoosh, her tights, her dress, her carpet slippers and a
good portion of the floor were all suddenly awash with water. ' shit!'
she gasped, then bent double as a spasm of breath-taking pain seared
through her uterus. Oh God, she thought, I think I'm going to have the
baby! She stayed where she was, held her breath for a few moments trying
to block out the pain, then miraculously remembered to pant.

Inhaling and exhaling in short rhythmic bursts, she gripped the
doorframe and somehow got through the contraction as her sodden tights,
dress and slippers, now icy cold, clung to her body. As the pain
receded, she looked up, took a deep breath and thinking more clearly and
calmly than she had done for months, slowly climbed the small flight of
stairs to her bedroom.

There, she found clean clothes, her hospital bag and her wash things.
She splashed some cold water on to her face, changed as quickly as her
bulky shape would allow, grabbed the bag and toiletries and went back
downstairs.

She picked up the phone, dialled the number of Hal's college and waited.
Speaking to the porter, Thea was asked to wait, hung on for what seemed
like hours and was finally told that Hal was not in his rooms. Not
knowing what else to do, frightened and panicked that another bout of
pain would come at any moment, Thea hung up without leaving a message.
She crossed to the door, only conscious of the fact that she needed help
but not thinking clearly enough to phone for an ambulance or call the
hospital.

She squeezed her feet into her wellies, pulled on a coat and left the
cottage to walk to the farm up the road.

It took twenty minutes and by the time she arrived, she had had to stop
twice, creased over with pain as two more contractions ripped through
her. She knew what was happening, she had paid attention in her
antenatal classes, but she had no idea that it could happen so fast.
This is supposed to take hours,' she muttered through clenched teeth, as
a third contraction took hold at the gate to Brandon Farm. She held on
to the freezing metal and closed her eyes.

She began to pant and count, all the time murmuring as much of Lear's
The Owl and the Pussycat' as she could remember.

"Christ!' Thea felt a warm hand on her shoulder. ' you ... ?' She let
out a groan and gripped the metal bars of the gate even tighter, despite
the fact that the cold burnt her skin. ', you are, hang on a minute.'
The warm hand disappeared and Thea heard footsteps, then a few muffled
shouts. She straightened with the receding pain as a middle-aged woman
headed back towards her followed by the bright headlights of a car.

"Come on, lovey, looks like we need to get you to hospital.' The voice
was strong and persuasive. ''ve got the car, just stand up as straight
as you can while I open the gate and we'll get you inside and on the way
to hospital in a jiffy. Are the labour pains coming fast, lovey?"

Thea felt her hands gently loosened off the metal gate.

"About every ten minutes or so."

"Fine, plenty of time then, no need to worry.' Thea stumbled back a few
paces as the car drove alongside her and the woman swung the gate open.
She came back within seconds and eased Thea into the front passenger
seat of the car. The car drove forward through the gate, the woman
closed it and climbed into the back.

"Banbury General,' the woman said quietly to the man driving. ' haven't
got time to get to Oxford.' Thea closed her eyes, bent forward with
another spasm of pain and silently began to cry.

"It's all right, dear, there's nothing to cry about. You're here now.
Come on, up on to the trolley. Let's wheel you down to the delivery
suite in style, shall we?"

Thea felt herself hoisted up on to a hard bed and looked behind her for
the woman who'd brought her in. The bright overhead lights hurt her eyes
and she felt sick.

"Where's

"Your mum, deary? She's gone down to the waiting room."

Thea didn't have the strength to clarify the situation, she was muddled
with pain. ' bag!' she moaned. "Where's my bag?' The trolley was being
wheeled with precision and speed along a wide antiseptic-smelling
corridor and Thea's nausea washed in great waves over her. ' bag, I ...
"

"I've got your bag here, love, now don't you worry about your bag.' Thea
tried to breathe as another contraction hit the pit of her uterus and
she cried out. ''m ... Oh God, I'm going to be ... "

"Watch out, Mary!' the midwife shouted at her colleague.

The trolley didn't stop as a slick of vomit hit first the midwife's
clean starched blue uniform, then the shiny polished floor.

That'll teach me not to put my plastic apron on, won't it?' she said
across Thea's head. The other midwife smiled.

She seemed to have produced a card bowl from out of thin air and Thea
wondered if she was hallucinating. Try to be sick in here, deary,' she
said. The trolley turned a corner, slammed through some double swing
doors and into a darkened room.

"OK now, we're in the delivery suite, we've got everything here, no need
to worry, erm ... Theo? It is Theo?" Thea shook her head. Thea,' she
murmured, ''s Thea."

The searing pain had given way to the most peculiar feeling, a sort of
compressing of her uterus. ' want to push,' she called out, ' feel as if
I want to push."

One of the midwives stood by her head and gently wiped her brow. She
took Thea's hand. ' may feel as if you want to push, Thea, but you
mustn't yet. All right, you've got to try and breathe through it. You
mustn't push until you're fully dilated, until you're good and ready to
deliver the baby. OK now, sweetheart?"

Thea gripped the midwife's hand. ' want to push!' she cried, clenching
her teeth. ' think the baby's coming!"

"It's all right, Thea, calm down, this is a first baby, they rarely come
this quick, just try and breathe, try and keep calm. Mary is going to
examine you and we'll see how far on you are. Come on now, Thea, grip my
hand and try to breathe, I'll count with you, come on, breathe in, one,
two--"

"I can feel the baby's head!' Thea suddenly wailed. ''ve got to push!'
The midwife dropped her hand and darted round to the end of the bed. ','
she shouted, then, under her breath: ' we go!' She glanced briefly over
her shoulder and shouted again. '! We're about to deliver!"

She parted Thea's legs and looked up at her. Her face was completely
calm, it was something Thea would always remember, for years afterwards,
that in the midst of her own fear and panic, the midwife's face was
completely calm.

"Well done, Thea, you were exactly right! The baby's on it's way! Come
on now, you know how to push, you can feel what to do, it's completely
natural. The head's right there and I need a good push to get it out,
all right? Bear down now, all right? Push from your tummy. Come on now,
good girl, push, push, PUSH! That's it! Good girl, that's fantastic!
I've got the baby's head! I've got it, now we have to- push the body
out. It may take two or three goes but let's try and push really hard,
OK? Take a deep breath, let it go and PUSH! Come on, Thea, PUSH!"

The other midwife had slipped into the room and taken Thea's hand
without her even realising it. She held on to the woman's fingers, let
out a long, harsh howl and pushed with all her might.

That's it!' she heard. ' on, come on, I've got him, I've got your baby,
Thea, he's out!' Thea felt her entire body flood with relief. ', that
was damn quick!" the midwife murmured. Thea glanced up as a scraggy,
bloody, wrinkled baby was held out towards her, the midwife by her head
opened her shirt and they laid him, Thomas Marshall, on to her breast.
It was both the most exquisite joy and profound sadness she had ever
experienced.

"Hello, Tom,' she said. ''ve been a long time waiting to love someone
like you."

Two hours after Tom had been born, Hal sat up in a girl named Lucy Cox's
bed and stretched. She was a fellow mathematician, really very brilliant
and not bad looking either, in an off-beat sort of way. He prodded her
bare shoulder, she rolled over and he smiled.

"Shall we get dressed?"

Lucy yawned. There was a party on in town tonight and she had heard Hal
promise earlier to go, but she wasn't sure she wanted to move. It was
bitterly cold out and this was the warmest she'd been all week. The
house she and three other students rented just off the Cowley Road was a
pit: dirty, slug-infested and freezing. ' don't think I fancy it," she
said. ' don't mind if you go though, as long as you leave your electric
heater here."

Hal leant over and wound one of Lucy's long thin beaded plaits of hair
round his figner. ' that to ensure that I come back?"

Lucy moved away and pulled the covers up to her chin.

"No, it's because I'm bloody frozen in this hell hole and your heater is
frankly the best thing about you."

Hal laughed out loud. ' cheek!' He burrowed under the covers and pulled
Lucy into a bear hug. Nothing ever offended Hal, insults hardly touched
him, dislike just didn't enter his aura. He was very comfortable with
himself, so why should it bother him if other people weren't? Having
squeezed Lucy to the point of apology and both of them laughing, he
disentangled himself and climbed out of bed.

"Right then,' he said, Til go.' Reaching for his clothes, scattered
randomly all over the floor, he pulled each item on as he found it,
socks, shirt, sweater, boxers, then jeans and finally perched on the
edge of the bed to lace up his boots. ' I borrow your phone before I
go?' He finished lacing, straightened and dug in his pockets for some
loose change. ' want to call Thea and check she's all right."

Lucy felt a stab of something she wasn't sure she could identify.
Jealousy? Pity? ',1 she answered. ''s the baby due?"

Hal shrugged. He wasn't just being evasive, he genuinely didn't know. '
said she'll call me if anything happens."

Lucy nodded. There was a brief silence, Lucy wondering if it was all an
act and Hal thinking that he'd have to get a taxi in order to get to the
party on time.

Til see you later then,' Hal said, standing.

"Yeah, sure.' Lucy propped herself up on her elbow, luxuriating in the
unusual warmth of the room. '." Hal smiled. ', not whenever, I want my
heater back!"

And, blowing her a kiss, he went downstairs.

Down in the kitchen of the house, Louise, Lucy's flatmate, was rushing
about looking for her handbag. ' hi, Hal! You haven't seen my bag, have
you? I've got a taxi waiting and I can't find the blasted thing!"

Hal glanced around the room. ' off to the party in Lanson Road, then?"

"Yes, if I ever get there! You couldn't be a real star and pop outside
to let the bloke know I'm just coming, could you?"

Hal shrugged. It was a gesture he made often. Moving towards the front
door, all thought of Thea gone, he spotted a satchel on the newel post
under a pile of coats. ' your bag a brown leather satchel?' he called
out.

Louise dashed into the hall. '! Have you found it?"

Hal rifled through the coats and tugged the bag free.

"Here!"

Louise grinned. ', you're a genius!' She reached forward and kissed him
full on the lips. Then, grabbing her coat, she pulled it on and hurried
over to the door. ''you need a lift anywhere?' She'd had a bit of a
thing for Hal for ages, but had never really had the opportunity to get
to know him.

"How about the party?"

Louise's face glowed. The party it is then!' she announced, opening the
door. ' on, because this taxi's already cost me a fortune!"

Thea was in the first bed of an eight-bed ward, just near the door,
supposedly screened off for privacy by a pair of faded old floral
curtains but in reality party to every coming and going in the ward,
every murmur, cry and movement. It was four a. m., Thomas had been in
this world for seven hours and all he had done for most of them was
howl. Thea was exhausted, she was hungry, dying for a cup of tea, sore
and hormonal. Thomas needed comfort but she seemed unable to give him
any. A stream of midwives - she'd seen five, all offering different
advice - muttered bossily about latching on and colostrum, they squeezed
her breasts and manipulated her nipples, trying to insert them into a
tight rosebud mouth, pinched with shock and indignation at the light,
cold and lack of womb. It didn't work; he wouldn't feed and he wouldn't
sleep. Thea tried walking him up and down, letting him suck on her
finger, rocking him; she tried the bedside lights on, the bedside lights
off, talking to him, singing to him and finally, letting him lie on her
breast, his face screwed up with anger, screaming while the tears slid
silently down her face.

At six a. m., with the help of the ward sister, she finally managed to
stuff a now chaffed and painful nipple into his mouth and he sucked. She
lay back on the pillows, weak with relief and immediately fell asleep.
At seven a. m., less than a full hour later, the ward lights went on and
a trolley was wheeled in. It was the wake-up call, complete with a nice
cup of tea.

Thea woke with a start, the start woke Thomas and he began to cry again.
So did Thea. She wheeled him in his plastic trolley cot to the bathroom,
let him wail while she took a lukewarm shower, still weeping, and
dressed in some clean clothes, then wheeled him back to her bedside,
took him out and started the struggle to feed. It took half an hour to
latch him on to her nipple this time, but she managed it on her own, a
small personal triumph that started her crying again and prompted the
lady delivering her breakfast to sit on the side of the bed and put her
arm round her. It was the first physical and emotional comfort she'd had
and Thea gulped back noisy and uncontrollable sobs. ' God,' she wept, '
wasn't supposed to be like this! This isn't at all like I imagined it."

"It rarely is,' the lady with the breakfast trolley said. She wanted to
add that nothing much in life was, but it wasn't her business to say
things like that. She handed Thea a tissue from the box on the side of
the bed.

"Hal wasn't here,' Thea said, her sobs coming under control. ' said he
would be, he promised me and then when it came to it there wasn't time.
He was out. I called but I didn't leave a message and he doesn't know
Her voice broke and she blew her nose. Several minutes later, she said,
' one knows.' Her voice was no more than a whisper. ' I haven't got any
money to ring."

The trolley lady glanced at the stack of breakfasts getting cold and
sighed heavily. She was a soft touch, she was, always had been and
always would be. Taking Thea's hand, she patted it and said, ', love,
when you've finished feeding him and had yourself something to eat, why
don't you come down to the kitchen and I'll lend you a quid to make some
calls. You can pay me back when baby's dad arrives. All right?' Thea
nodded but kept her gaze down. In the face of such kindness, she knew
that if she looked at the woman she would cry again. Thank you,' she
murmured.

"Not at all,' the lady said, getting to her arthritic feet.

She touched Tom's head. ''s a smashing baby. You're a lucky girl.' And
with that, Thea burst into tears again.

Hal finally got the message about Thea mid-morning that day. He returned
to college with his heater, was just lugging it up the stairs when the
porter caught him.

"Your young lady called last night,' he said gruffly. He didn't like
smooth young men and this one was so smooth as to be slippery. ' rang
last night, bout sevenish, and then again this morning, from Banbury
General."

Hal spun round on the narrow stairwell, banging the heater against the
wall and overbalancing slightly. The hospital? Did she say anything,
leave any message? Is she all right?"

"No, no message.' The porter frowned. ' as for whether she's all right
or not, that's not for me to say, is it? It's for you to find out, young
man."

"Oh yes! Shit, I mean - Right! Yes, thanks.' Hal went to smile but
thought better of it and continued up the stairs to his rooms. Once
inside, he dropped the heater with a crash, ran over to his cupboard,
yanked out some clean clothes and changed into them without bothering to
wash. He didn't have time to wash. Transferring his wallet, he grabbed
his coat and rushed out again, racing down the stairs two at a time and
just missing a collision in the hallway at the bottom. Ten minutes
later, forgetting a present for either the baby or Thea, he was on his
way to Banbury General Hospital.

Thea had also telephoned her parents. They too were on their way to
Banbury General, via their local high street for some flowers. Hedda was
tense so she drove, preferring it that way, while Jake read the map. But
she drove badly, not listening to instructions properly, taking wrong
turns, forgetting to use fifth gear, and all the time talking about Thea
as if now that the baby had been delivered everything could go back to
exactly the way it had been before the pregnancy. Jake wondered if Hedda
could recall how enormous the changes had been to their lives after Thea
was born, then he remembered, gazing out at the changing landscape
either side of the M40, that of course she wouldn't, she'd gone back to
work after six weeks and he had been the one to stay at home to look
after Thea that first year, taking a long and mythical sabbatical. He
smiled and wondered if Tom would be as easy as Thea had been and then he
realised for the first time in months that he was smiling because he was
happy and not because he was supposed to be amused. It felt good. I
think I'm going to like being a grandfather, he thought. Then he glanced
across at his wife, her face set in grim concentration. That's if Hedda
allows me to.

Hal was the first to arrive. He came just before they served lunch and
the smell of macaroni cheese seemed to pervade the whole maternity unit.
It made him uneasy, it was a nursery dish and one that he had never
liked.

As he walked into the ward, he walked right past Thea, her face ashen,
her eyes pink and puffy from crying; he walked along to the end and had
to turn around and scan the beds. He saw her at last, glanced at her
stomach and rushed to the bed. ' haven't had it!' he cried, taking her
hands. ''ve got here in time, I'm so relieved, I thought

"Hal!' Thea pulled her hands away. ', I had a little boy, last night.
He's there, in the cot."

Hal's face was momentarily blank, he glanced at the cot, then at Thea's
stomach. ' I thought, I mean your tummy, I ... "

Thea looked away. ' takes days, sometimes weeks."

Fresh tears stung her eyes.

"Oh right, um, yes, I see.' Hal was embarrassed and a little shocked.
There was a small silence. ' you had it then!' he said.

"Yes,' Thea answered dully.

"Brilliant!"

Thea looked back at him. '?"

Hal looked at her face. She'd been beautiful when he'd first seen her,
just beautiful, tall and strong, radiant with health. He had loved her
flesh, the firm roundness of it, her unstyled, thick hair, her strange
out-of-place look. She was a contradiction, clever but unassuming about
it, vulnerable with it. She had been clear-eyed and lovely; innocent.
Now he could hardly recognise her and was filled with pity.

Whether it was for himself or Thea, he didn't know. He touched her eyes
with a cool fingertip and bent to kiss the top of her head. ', really,'
he said, not at all sure that he meant it. He walked around the bed to
the cot and peered in.

"I've never seen a newborn before,' he said. ''s kind of weird-looking,
isn't it?"

"He,' Thea said. ' his name is Tom, Thomas Marshall."

"Not Hal junior then?' He glanced up at Thea and finally she smiled.

"No,' she said. ' definitely not Hal junior.' And they both started to
giggle.

Hedda and Jake hadn't expected laughter. Hedda wasn't sure what she had
expected, but it hadn't been Hal, lolling in the chair next to the bed,
with his feet up on it and the baby carelessly asleep on his lap. She
hadn't expected Thea to look so exhausted, so pale and stranded, and she
hadn't expected her own reaction, one of uncontrollable anger: anger
towards Hal, for making her daughter pregnant, towards Thea for being
such a damn fool and towards a tiny fifteen-hour-old baby for all the
chaos and ruin he would engender.

As they stood by the bed and Jake looked down at his grandson with a
tenderness that took him completely by surprise, Hedda remembered the
presents and to try and relieve this sudden emotion, she pulled hers out
of the bag and said, ''ve brought you something for yourself, Thea
darling, because you'll get lots of things for the baby and you'll
probably be sick of it all by the end of the month.

Here.' She handed a package across, beautifully wrapped, as all Hedda's
gifts were, and Thea took it, carefully removing the paper. Where, she
was thinking, am I going to get loads of things for the baby from? She
didn't even have a pram.

Down to the tissue, Thea peeled it off and found a small Neals Yard box.
',' she said nervously, and then on opening it: ', how lovely.' It was
an aromatherapy set, the burner and two starter oils.

"I chose lavender to keep you calm,' Hedda said, '

rosemary to stimulate concentration.' She smiled, thoroughly pleased
with herself. ' that goes with the other present. Go on, Thea, open the
other one."

Thea reached for the second gift, undoubtedly a book, and attempted a
smile. She opened it and braced herself.

It was Spenser's The Faerie Queene.

"I thought, knowing how much you love Milton, that you'd like this and,
well, it's so important to the study of literature and if you ever
thought about resuming your degree, well ...' Hedda's voice faded and
she shrugged.

Jake turned away. He could see that Thea was trying hard not to cry and
Hal was looking at one of the nurses across the ward. Oh Hedda, he
thought, why couldn't you leave well alone? Handing the huge John Lewis
bag with his own gifts in to Thea, he said, ', this isn't anything that
might help you with your studies, I'm afraid.' He smiled as Thea took
it. She looked inside. Nothing was wrapped and she saw two packs of
white towelling babygrows, nappies, nappy cream, wipes, a packet of
dummies, a pack of muslins. ' case he chucks up all the time,' Jake said
as she pulled it out. Next came a teddy, six pale blue vests, one smart
outfit, in navy and white, two cotton blankets, two cot sheets, one wool
blanket in blue and white check and a box of very expensive Belgian
chocolates.

Those are for you,' Jake said, ' wouldn't suggest you try giving them to
Tom, no matter how desperate you are to feed him." Thea smiled, then
laughed, then began to cry again and said, ', Jake, thank you, thank you
so much." Hal said, ', what a lot of stuff! I had no idea he'd need any
of that!"

"Of course not!' Hedda replied sarcastically. Tm sure there are many
things that you have no idea about, Hal." "Hedda,' Jake warned.

"Oh really, Jake!' Hedda snapped. ' at all that clobber!

It's ridiculous! It's not our responsibility." "No it isn't,' Thea said.
' it's wonderful, I haven't got anything, it's just brilliant, Jake,
it's--" "It's cool, Jake,' Hal said.

They all turned to look at him.

"Cool?' Hedda demanded, her voice clipped and loud.

"Cool! Thea's father "has to provide all the things that you should have
provided and all you can say is it's cool!' She had lost her sense of
reason. Perhaps it was seeing Thea, perhaps it was the fact that Jake
had trumped her yet again with his gifts, perhaps it was just the
realisation of her own inadequacy as a mother, buying a book instead of
a teddy for her grandson, that fuelled her rage. But a rage it was and
she wasn't able to hold it back. ' at you, sitting there - no, lounging
there, without a care in the world! You don't care, do you? You don't
give a damn about caring for Thea, looking after her and the baby!"
"Hedda,' Thea murmured. ' don't."

"Whoa, hang on a minute!' Hal said. ' you asking me, or telling me?
Anyway ...' He was keeping his head.

He could see Thea's stricken face and had no use for an argument. '... I
didn't think that you believed in all that male/female role playing,' he
said. He held his hands up in mock surrender to try and lighten the
mood.

But Hedda couldn't be distracted. ' don't!' she snarled.

"But I do believe in taking a bit of responsibility for one's actions
and you clearly haven't done that at all!"

"Hedda!' Thea pleaded, her voice loud but tearful.

Hal was rarely roused from his casual charm but this had hit the spot.
He stared at Hedda for a few moments, then said. This baby wasn't my
idea, Hedda, so don't get all heavy with me about responsibility. I've
never made any promises I can't keep. Have I, Thea?"

Thea looked down at the bed and shook her head as Hal stood up to hand
Tom over to her. ' didn't try to talk Thea into anything regarding this
baby and, while we're at it, she damn well told me she was on the pill!"

"Hal!' Thea looked up aghast as the woman in the next bed, who was
making no pretence about not listening in, shook her head and tutted
loudly. Thea took Tom and cradled him, closing her eyes.

Typical!' Hedda said. ' typical! Blame the whole thing on the woman! Let
her handle it! God, you men make me sick!' She glared icily at Hal, who
stood his ground and glared back.

Tom, who had woken on being moved, started to make small whining noises.
Thea realised she had to feed him and flushed deeply.

"God, you've got a bloody cheek, young man!' Hedda announced. If there
was one thing she had to have, it was the last word. That's all you're
going to say about it, is it? That it wasn't your idea, so it's not your
problem?

Eh?" She stared at Hal, who said rudely, ', it is. So what do you intend
to do about it?" "I'm afraid ...' Thea murmured, trying to interrupt.

"Do about it? Do about it!' Hedda's face and neck were flushed with
anger. ''d bloody string you up by your balls, that's what I'd do about
it if I had my own way!' she shouted.

"Hedda,' Jake snapped. That's enough!"

"No it isn't! It won't be enough until we find out what this insolent,
irresponsible thug is going to do about Thea!"

"Hang me up by my balls, eh?' Hal sneered. ' liberal!

Very PC!" Thea was beginning to panic. ''m afraid,' she said, ' I ... "
The whining noises turned to a small howl.

"I thought you'd always brought Thea up to live her own life.' Hal was
into his stride now. He'd been brought up mostly by women, he was used
to catcalling. ', this is it! Her choice! I'm sorry that you don't like
it, that it doesn't fit into your middle-class intellectual values. But
that's hardly my bloody fault, is it?"

"Look, I'm sorry but I really have to ... " Thea insisted, attempting to
raise her voice to be heard. The howl turned to a scream. ' for God's
sake!' she suddenly cried in desperation. ' don't you all just go away
and let me get on with it!' And to Hal's shock and horror, she released
a blue-veined breast and for once latched Tom on without any struggle.

Thea was ready to leave the hospital, two days after Tom was born; they
had been the longest two days of her life.

She had signed the forms and now sat on the bed awaiting her discharge
papers and a note for her GP. She sat alone, with Tom in her arms,
Jake's carrier bag of presents by her side and Hedda's book in her
overnight bag. Out in the small, shabby waiting room, Jake and Hedda sat
waiting for her, locked in a tense, discordant silence. Hal had been in
earlier that day, but had gone back to college on the bus, after a
blazing row and Hedda's refusal either to allow him in the car or to
lend him the money to get a taxi. So Thea was going home escorted by her
parents but without the baby's father and Jake was seething, with Hedda
for not giving way and with Hal for not standing his ground. Only it
wasn't in Jake's nature to rant and rave as Hedda did, he was always
non-confrontational, and thus he seethed in silence.

As the ward sister approached her bed, Thea glanced up.

She stood for a moment with Thea's notes in a brown folder and her
discharge letter ready, then pulled the curtains around the bed in one
quick sharp movement and sat down next to Thea.

"You didn't know you could cry so much, did you?"

Thea shook her head, rubbed a hand over her swollen eyes and trailed it
down to Tom's head, letting it rest there gently.

It's not going to be easy, Thea, having a baby on your own.' The sister
looked at her. ' are pretty much on your own, is that right?"

Thea hesitated, on the point of lying, then realised that there was no
point in pretending any more. She was on her own, had been really since
she made the decision to have the baby. Hal had tried, in the beginning
at least, over the summer when it all seemed idyllic, but not since
October, not since the Michaelmas term began. Thea had been fooling
herself that they were living together in the cottage, it was the only
thing that had kept her going.

"Yes,' she said, ''m on my own.' She shrugged but it was an expression
that belied the terrible anguish and pain that she felt. ' much."

"Would you like me to contact social services for you?

They can help, you know."

Thea shook her head. She'd seen enough social workers and social work
students in the kitchen of 59, Park Road, Islington over the years to
make up her mind about them as a breed. ' thanks,' she said. ''ve got my
parents, they're coming home with me, and Hedda is a counsellor -- I'm
sure 1 can go to her if I need help."

The ward sister wasn't familiar with Thea's family - why should she have
been? - and so missed the irony of the comment. She nodded and said,
''ll be visited by a midwife every day for the next eight days, so if
you have any worries concerning the baby, you can discuss them with her.
After that it's over to your health visitor; she's a trained midwife and
can help with most postnatal problems.' She handed the file across to
Thea. ' number here at the hospital is on the top of the file. Any
emergencies and you can ring us. OK?' She went to stand. The girl was an
odd one, she'd wept buckets over the past two days and had seemed at one
point to go completely to pieces, and yet there was a resilience there,
a toughness that was beginning to show through the vulnerability. Good
luck to her, the ward sister thought, having heard most of the slanging
match that had gone on at her bedside. I hope she is tough, because
she's damn well going to need to be.

Chapter Three.

It was her first full day on her own and as Thea finished wringing out
the new white babygrow, took it through to the small front room to the
clothes horse she had placed in front of the fire, she wondered if it
was ever going to end. The babygrow joined the other two she'd had to
wash earlier and, leaning forward to put another log on to the fire, she
muttered: Three down, Tom my darling, three to go."

Tom lay on the floor on a blanket, still howling and Thea knelt to pick
him up. The moment she did so he stopped.

"Ah ha. Cottoned on already, have you?' she said, nuzzling the soft skin
of his cheek. She cradled him for a while in the crook of her arm, then
gently moved him up on to her shoulder and went back to the kitchen.

One-handed, Thea filled the kettle with enough water to make a cup of
tea, then put a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. She'd had no
food when Hedda and Jake brought her home yesterday and Jake had gone up
to the village shop to buy some basics. With the prospect of eggs, baked
beans and toast, washed down with some strong PG Tips, Thea felt
childishly elated. This hormone thing is bizarre, she thought, to be
suddenly elated when I'm exhausted, it's freezing, I weep almost
continuously, and despite pains in my stomach have to carry Tom around
endlessly. She smiled, conscious of the fragility of her mood and got on
with preparing her supper as best she could with only one arm.

With everything bubbling efficiently, she glanced down at Tom and saw
that he'd fallen asleep at last. Carefully, Thea carried him back to the
warm front room and placed him on a small mound of cushions, covered
with a blanket.

She went back to dish up her meal, but just as the kettle boiled, the
phone rang.

"Blast!' she cursed, walking into the hall. The noise had woken Tom, who
opened his mouth and wailed, the toast popped up and the beans started
to simmer, hissing in the pan. Thea snatched up the receiver and said,
'?"

"Hey! Thea, it's me!"

"Oh God, sorry, Hal. It's just that my supper's ready and I'm--"

"No worries, babe, I'll call later, I--"

"No! No, it's OK, it can wait.' She was delighted to hear from him, had
been worrying that she might not.

"Are you all right? I mean, I'm sorry about Hedda yesterday, she--"

"She's a harridan! Christ, Thea, no wonder you wanted to get the hell
out of there!"

"I didn't, I--"

"I think I'd have had a baby if it meant getting away from Hedda!' Hal
laughed, in the easy way he had.

Thea flushed. ' wasn't that, Hal, it was wanting to have someone to--"

"Sorry, babe? I missed that, I'm watching the footie over He staggered
for a few moments and put his hands up to his head.

Lucy took his arm. ' on,' she coaxed. ''ll be fine once we've walked for
a bit. It'll sober you up."

This is bloody good of you, Lucy,' Hal said, laying his head on her
shoulder as they walked. ' think you were right, I wouldn't have made it
to the taxi on my own.' He slurred his words very slightly and Lucy put
a hand up to stroke his hair. ',' he murmured, closing his eyes and
suddenly missing his step.

"Oi!' she said sharply, elbowing him in the ribs. ''t go to sleep!
You've got to get back to Duns Tew, remember?" He opened his eyes again
and sighed. ' God, so I have."

He straightened, took a couple of deep breaths and pulled his sweater
down. ' time is it, Lucy?"

Lucy took his hand and pulled him along towards the taxi rank. Time to
go and see your baby, Hal,' she said, denying herself the temptation to
tell him to forget Duns Tew and come back with her. Lucy liked Hal, she
liked him a lot, but she wasn't a romantic, she was a realist and in a
small cottage in the Oxfordshire countryside Hal had a girlfriend and a
baby. Lucy didn't want to get too involved.

"Here.' They reached the first taxi and Lucy leant towards the window. '
Banbury,' she said, then behind her to Hal: ', Hal?"

"Duns Tew, Mason Cottage. I'll direct you once we get to the village,
OK?"

"Right, mate.' The driver opened the back door of the cab and Hal turned
to Lucy, reaching for her scarf and holding it in his hands.

"You coming to tea tomorrow?' She shrugged and Hal pulled her forward by
her scarf to kiss her. ' on,' he said, Td like you to.' She shrugged
again and he pulled a face, kissed her again, then let her go.

Tm not sure I should,' Lucy said.

"Why not?' Hal didn't really have any concept of morality.

He was young and as far as he was concerned, had a whole life to live.

"I don't know,' Lucy answered, knowing exactly but not wanting to get
into any discussion on Thea and commitment.

Til see how the day goes." Hal smiled. ', whatever you want.' Things
never mattered to him for very long; Til see,' was a good enough answer,
the sort he'd give himself. He climbed into the taxi and slumped back
against the seat, letting Lucy slam the door shut after him. He waved as
the car pulled off, saw Lucy turn back towards the pub, then without
another thought for her, or Thea, he lay his head back, closed his eyes
and passed out.

Thea had finally got Tom sleeping soundly and was just about to climb
into bed herself when there was a knock on the door. She sighed, pulled
a cardigan on over her nightdress and went to answer it. She knew it was
Hal but what should have been a feeling of excitement was a dull ache
inside her, not anger as such, more like habitual disappointment.

"Hal?' she called through the door.

"Yeah, hi! You haven't got any spare change have you, Thea? I owe this
guy another quid."

Thea pulled open the door and, without looking at Hal, said, ', wait,
I'll get it.' She returned with one of the precious pounds that Jake had
given her to tide them over until her social security money came through
and handed it to Hal.

"Where's your purse, babe?' he said. ' ought to give the bloke a tip."

Thea pulled her cardigan tight around her body. ' pound is all I've
got,' she said, tight-lipped. '." "Shit,' Hal murmured, then: ' well,
never mind.' He gave the driver the extra coin, thanked him and shook
his hand. Thea saw none of this, she had already gone inside.

Thea?"

Thea was in the kitchen, filling the kettle. Hal stood in the doorway
and watched her for a few moments. Her nightdress was thick cotton, a
blue tartan, mid-calf length, and she wore an old navy cardigan over the
top of it. On her feet were heavy wool socks and a pair of sheepskin
slippers.

As she shuffled about, finding the teapot, taking milk from the fridge,
getting a mug down from the cupboard, Hal saw the shape of her breasts,
large and heavy through the nightie, and felt himself harden.

"Don't bother with tea for me,' he said. Thea looked up.

She was pale, faint blue shadows underlined her grey eyes and her face
was pinched with exhaustion.

"You sure?"

"Yeah.' Hal moved across the kitchen to her and stood behind her,
placing his arms around her, his hands on her breasts. ',' he murmured,
kissing the back of her neck. He felt her tense and whispered, ' on,
Thea, relax, baby.' She smelt odd, sweet and milky, but he found that
even more of an excitement. These breasts are amazing, they--" Suddenly
Thea pulled away. ''t, Hal,' she said, turning to face him. ''m sorry,
but I don't feel like it, I ... "

Hal pushed a limp strand of hair off her face. ', no problem, babe,
you're tired, I understand.' And he did too, it was part of the reason
she loved him, he seemed to understand everything, there was never any
pressure.

"Yes.' She softened towards him but could smell beer and cigarettes and
after the smell of Tom it made her feel sick.

Going back to the tea, she said, ' think I'll have a cup."

Hal stood back a pace. ', sure.' He moved over to the fridge. There
isn't anything to eat, is there? I've got the munchies.' Opening the
fridge door, he peered inside.

"Oh wow! Chocolates!' And taking out the box that Jake had bought for
Thea, he opened it and grabbed a handful of chocolates, stuffing them
one after another into his mouth. ' there any bread for toast?' he
mumbled, his mouth full.

Thea nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Why did it always have to go
wrong? She took her mug of tea and moved aside to let him get to the
toaster. ' think I'll go to bed,' she said.

Hal glanced over his shoulder, then, as if suddenly sensing the
situation, walked across to Thea and gently stroked her cheek. ' get
some sleep, babe,' he said. Til be up to see you and Tom in a minute,
OK?' He smiled at her and she nodded, feeling momentarily reassured. She
looked up at him to smile, but he had already turned back to the
toaster. ' want some toast?' he asked.

"No, thanks."

He didn't bother to look round again, although Thea waited for him to
She waited a minute or so, but he didn't As far as he was concerned she
was out of the room and out of his mind She moved off towards the
stairs, a deepening sense of resignation pressing down on her, like a
dull, heavy weight She had been warned, Hedda had told her it wouldn't
be easy Holding the tea in both hands to warm them, she said, ', Hal'

Hal was digging in the fridge for the butter He popped his head out '7'
He saw Thea by the door ', yeah, right, ', babe' Back in the fridge he
pulled out the butter, then remembered something ', Thea7'

Thea turned '7'

"I asked a few people round for tea tomorrow, about four, four-thirty
You don't mind, do you7'

Thea held her breath for a moment, too frustrated to speak After a
pause, she said, '7 Of course not' Her voice was clipped ' should I7'

But her irony was lost on Hal, he was too stoned to pick it up He gnnned
' knew you wouldn't,' he said, then

"Night, babe ' And with that he went on buttering his toast At five a m
, in the pitch darkness of a winter morning, Thea swam up out of a
drowning sleep and, suddenly feeling panicked, reached out for Tom He
was still there, nestled on her chest, the covers pulled up round his
tiny body and his face pressed m close to her breast Relief washed over
her and she started to sink again, back down into sleep He stirred, made
a strange nasal sound, like a snort, then gave a small whimper Thea
opened her eyes, shifted slightly to ease the pressure on her body, then
closed them again She fell asleep almost immediately and woke with a
start ten minutes later as Tom let out a howl Easing herself up a bit,
she moved her head, first right, then left, trying to loosen the
stiffness in her neck, and shook her arm, which had pins and needles
Last night was a blur She couldn't distinguish sleep from waking and
realised she had spent most of the night in a semi-upright position with
Tom on her chest He had fed on and off for much of the night and she
thought that she had got up twice to change him, but couldn't quite
remember Beside her, flat on his back and snonng lightly, was Hal, in a
deep, almost unconscious sleep Thea stayed where she was, registering
the cold in the bedroom, then moved into a more comfortable position in
order to let Tom feed He latched on, seeming to have got the hang of it
in the night, and she closed her eyes again They stayed like that for
twenty minutes, Tom feeding blissfully and Thea thirsty and irritated
with the snonng beside her, wishing that Hal would wake up and offer to
make her a cup of tea He didn't When Tom had finished his feed, he fell
asleep again and Thea lifted him gently into his basket She looked at
Hal, felt like poking him hard, but resisted, and went down to make
herself a drink When Hal finally woke and rolled over in an empty bed,
Thea had already been up for nearly eight hours She had managed to bath,
wash her hair and find clean, presentable clothes Her stomach still had
a puffed, baggy look to it, like a deflated balloon, and she was nowhere
near wearing anything normal, but there were no stretch marks that she
could find, which was a relief, and her breasts had lost their
rock-solid, sihcone feel and seemed to be more part of her than they had
been yesterday She had also fed Tom again, four times, bathed him,
changed him twice and put him into a clean babygrow She now lay on the
shabby, hard, uncomfortable sofa, a rug over her and Tom, exhausted and
unable to move On waking, she had expected to do a great deal more:
tidy, iron, lay a fire, cook breakfast, the list went on She had
expected to be the shining example of motherhood, fresh and lovely,
smelling of soap, a rosy-cheeked baby in her arms and the scent of
cooking in the air Instead, however, she found herself wondering
aimlessly through the cottage, unthinking, despondent, drugged with
exhaustion She couldn't be bothered to wash up after Hal, let alone
summon the energy and resources to cook for him She felt bleak Not
depressed as such, nothing as tangible as that, just hopeless She felt
like a void, an empty space where Thea used to be Thea?"

Looking up from the sofa, Thea saw Hal, in boxers and a sweater,
dishevelled, his blond hair untidy, his face rough with first growth and
felt the void get bigger He smiled and she thought briefly that she
hardly knew him, she loved him, but she hardly knew him

"Hi,' he said gently, crossing to her and kneeling by her side He bent
across and kissed her, carefully and tenderly, on the mouth, then he
traced the curve of Tom's cheek with his fingertip ', little man,' he
said ' tea made7'

"No ' Thea watched his face and wondered if everything came easy to Hal
because nothing really touched him She dismissed the thought, she was
being negative He was here, wasn't he?

"You OK, babe?' he asked Thea thought for a moment about telling him the
truth, but it wasn't an honest question and she didn't think Hal really
wanted to know the answer ',' she said ' bit tired, but fine '

He stood and stretched his long, still faintly tanned limbs "Good Have
you eaten7'

Thea shook her head

"D'you fancy eggs and bacon7'

She hesitated, thinking for a moment that he was offering to cook, then
he gnnned and she remembered that Hal professed not to know how to cook
', why7' she answered ' you7'

"God, I'd absolutely love some" Hal exclaimed ' spotted the bacon last
night in the fridge and I've been dreaming about it ever since i'

Thea sighed She swung her legs down on to the floor and sat up, holding
the baby out to Hal ',' she said, Take Tom and I'll get something to
eat'

"Oh, um, right, yeah' Hal took the baby with distinct unease, watched
Thea walk towards the kitchen and said, ''s asleep, I think I'll leave
him here, on the sofa '

You can't,' Thea said ''s not safe '

"No1 Really7' Hal looked amazed and Thea bit back a sharp reply ' about
the floor7 We can leave him on the floor, can't we7'

"What7 Like an old newspaper7 Oh please, give him here if you don't want
to hold him" Thea suddenly snapped Hal looked injured. ' was just a
suggestion, babe, I don't know anything about babies, do I?"

Thea turned and glared at him. ' I do?"

"Well, it was your idea,' Hal shot back.

"So you keep telling me!' Thea snarled. Her outburst woke Tom in her
arms who opened his eyes, saw her and began to howl. ' God!' she cried,
''ve only just fed him!"

Hal held up his hands in horror. ', don't look at me, babe!"

"As if I would!' Thea suddenly shouted. ' have you ever done anything
useful?"

Hal raised an eyebrow. ' months ago?' He smiled, meaning to lighten the
situation, but it backfired.

"Oh, for God's sake!' Thea suddenly sobbed, unable to hold back the
tears. ' out! Go on, go! I've had enough of you and your stupid sense of
humour!"

Hal stood where he was and stared at her. He had the urge to take her at
her word, pack the few belongings he kept here and leave, get the hell
out of it, but that would involve making a decision, a big one, and he
wasn't sure he could do that. He looked down at his hands for a few
minutes, let Thea calm down, then said the most reasonable thing he
could think of. Til go to the pub for a while,' he offered.

"Let you cool off a bit. I'll be back in time for tea."

For some reason he couldn't fathom, Thea turned her back on him and
walked into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

Chapter Four.

Things between Thea and Hal deteriorated. Hal had no real conception of
what Thea was going through and found it easier to stay away. He was
young and inexperienced, he knew nothing about responsibility and he had
a degree to get, that was his priority.

Thea had known nothing about responsibility either, until she found
herself with Tom, twenty-four hours a day, completely reliant on her for
food, warmth and comfort.

Then she knew the full meaning of the word, at just nineteen.

It wasn't easy; it wasn't anything like she had imagined.

Of course, Hedda could have told her so, and would have done, if Jake
had let her. But Jake kept Thea and Hedda apart, finding it better to
travel up to Oxford straight after work on an evening that Hedda went to
the refuge and see Thea on his own, with a car full of supplies from
Sainsbury's and Boots.

Thea did, however, learn how to cope. She managed.

She found a routine and she existed, in a sort of muddled, anxious
state, moving from one day to the next without much joy. She loved Tom,
but not in the way she had imagined she would love him, not in the
all-consuming, rapturous way she'd read about. Perhaps, in amongst the
daily grind and drudgery of domesticity that a baby in a cold cottage
with no washing machine or dryer, no television and no money entailed,
she didn't have time to think about love. She just had to get on with
it. Perhaps, if she thought about love, she would have had to think
about Hal and that was something she couldn't bear to do. So she carried
on, caring for Tom and seeing Hal on the odd occasion that he made it
out to the cottage, until the days began to lengthen and the earth
warmed, sending bright yellow daffodils up through the grass to herald
the spring. Then, just before the Easter vacation, Hal turned up out of
the blue.

Thea was in the garden when he arrived. She was hanging out a basket
full of babygrows to dry on the line in the weak spring sunshine and she
carried Tom in a sling across her body. She wore the same clothes she
had worn all winter, pregnancy leggings, a long-sleeved T-shirt with her
navy cardigan over the top and thick wool socks with sheepskin slippers.
Her shoulders were rounded with the weight of the baby, her thighs heavy
and the fleshy bulge of her stomach was visible through the lycra that
covered it.

Hal stood at the side gate to the garden and watched her for a few
moments, not sure if he recognised this person, if he knew who or what
Thea had become. He was even less sure of himself, of what he had to do
with it all, so he did what he always did and put it from his mind.
Walking into view, he called out, Thea?' and tried to smile when she
spun round. '." Thea smiled back, but it was simply a movement of her
mouth. ',' she answered. ' are you?"

Hal shrugged. ', well, sort of."

Thea nodded. Til just finish these."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead.' He didn't offer to help, but leant against the
wall and took his sunglasses out of his pocket, slipping them on to his
face. It took Thea some time, there was no energy in her movements, they
were slow and robotic, but she finished eventually and joined Hal at the
gate. He took the empty basket for her and led the way back round to the
front of the house.

"It must be nice to have the windows open,' Hal said, walking inside.

"Yes."

Thea went into the kitchen and filled the kettle. She placed it on the
Rayburn and reached up to feel the clothes hanging on a drying rack
above it.

"Is that new?' Hal asked.

"Yes, Jake put it up for me."

"It's cool."

Thea winced. Turning away from him, she busied herself with making tea.

"How's Tom?"

She glanced over her shoulder. ''s fine.' There was a silence,
interrupted only by the hiss of the kettle. ''you want tea?"

"No, no thanks, I can't stop, I've got a friend picking me up and I--'
Hal broke off. Unused to doing anything that he didn't like, he was
finding this almost impossible.

There was another silence, Thea made herself tea in a mug, then Hal
suddenly blurted out, ', Thea, I've come to let you know that I'm
leaving, leaving Oxford, in a week's time, at the end of term '

Thea turned, her face had drained of all colour '7' She looked
momentarily confused, then she nodded ', for the Easter vac, right7'

Hal shuffled from foot to foot ', not just for the Easter vac ' He
stopped, took a breath and looked down ' mean for good I'm changing
courses, going to Newcastle University, to do pure maths They don't
think I'm going to pass my second year here, my tutor seems to think I
haven't got the right attitude and, well, it's a case of jump before I'm
pushed'

Thea stood still She held her tea, but her hand had begun to shake so
she put it down, slopping some over the edge of the cup She stared at
Hal, at his downcast head ' what about me and Tom7' she murmured Her
heart hammered in her chest ' about us7'

Hal shrugged ', Thea, I don't know about us, I really don't I mean, I
can't help you with money because I don't have any and it's not as if
I've been here, I mean, you won't even miss me, I'm never here '

Thea began to cry Everything he said was true but so was the fact that
he was abandoning her Hal ran his hands through his hair ' shit,' he
said "Thea, don't cry, please, I didn't want any of this to happen,
honest I didn't I didn't know it was all going to turn out like this1'
He moved towards her but she edged back ' haven't given notice on the
cottage, you can still rent it, we just have to change the lease Look,
I'm sorry, I '

Thea blew her nose

"Don't cry, Thea, please don't cry It won't be that bad, honestly'

She said nothing and the tears streamed unchecked down her face

"God, Thea1 It's not as if I've ever been any use to you1' Hal suddenly
cried ' mean, I didn't know how to handle all this It was all too much
for me Christ, I haven't even told my parents yet1 I'm scared to death
of telling them1' He sunk his head in his hands and stood there,
helpless and ashamed Thea looked at him She stared at the top of his
head for some time and her sobs slowly receded Hal was the same age as
her and yet he seemed so young, so far removed from her that she
wondered for a moment how he could ever have fathered her child She
wiped her face on the sleeve of her cardigan and said, ' always
wondered, you know, why they never came to see Tom, or rang even '

Hal glanced up at her

"Will you ever tell them?" He thought for a moment, then shrugged

"At least you're honest,' Thea said She took a piece of kitchen paper
off the roll on the work surface and blew her nose again, then she
picked up her tea and swallowed down a mouthful

"D'you want to go and get your things7'

Hal nodded They're upstairs'

He turned towards the door and looked back at her as if expecting more
more anger, more tears, but there was nothing She was numb, empty and
blank, and she was all cned out poured and she accepted the glass ' on,
spit it out," she said, taking her glass to the table and pulling out a
chair ''re never this morose '

Thanks1 That implies that I'm always morose but not usually this bad'

Hedda raised an eyebrow ' said it' She took a sip of wine ' come on,
Jake, it was a joke '

Jake walked across to the table and sat down opposite her ' was trying
to ring Thea,' he said Hedda tensed ' can't get any reply, I've rung
three times tonight and there's no answer'

"Perhaps she's out,' Hedda said sharply

"No, Thea doesn't go out, Hedda, she hasn't been out since Tom was born
'

"You never told me that1'

"You never asked'

She drank down a mouthful of wine, then said, ' it's been weeks1 She
hasn't been out at all7'

Jake shook his head

"Not to the supermarket or to a mothers' group7 Not once7'

"She walks up to the village shop every three days or so for supplies,
but apart from that no, I don't think so '

"Jesus1' Hedda couldn't contain her shock ' didn't you tell me this
before7 You should have said something, Jake, you should have told me
That isn't right, it isn't normal1 She should have started making
friends, seeing other mums, getting her life into order '

"I know'

There was a tense silence, then Hedda said reproachfully, "You should
have told me '

Jake looked at her '"I don't want to know", were your exact words, I
think

"I don't want to hear endless chat about the baby and how wonderful it
all is She's throwing her life away and I don't want to have to listen
to it" You did say that, didn't you, Hedda7'

Hedda didn't answer She stood, went to her bag in the hall and found her
cigarettes She had been trying to cut down and left the packet in her
bag with the idea that having to walk out to the hall to get them made
it more difficult to smoke Lighting up and returning the packet to her
bag, she came into the kitchen and sat down again "Could the phone be
out of order7' she asked

"I don't know, that's the next step, I suppose I'll ring the operator in
a minute and get them to check the line '

"And if it isn't7 What then7'

Jake looked away from Hedda's penetrating gaze There was a time when he
would have taken her hand in his, held it for reassurance, but now he
simply stared at the clock and did nothing ' there's still no reply in
the morning,' he said, ' I think I'll go down and see her'

"You'll go7 On your own7'

He looked back at her ', as I have done all these past weeks'

Hedda took the criticism without flinching She knew about Jake's visits
to Thea and she had chosen to ignore them It was her way of dealing with
the situation ' if it's all gone wrong, if she's unhappy, then she needs
to be brought home, Jake, she needs help and, with all due respect, I
think I'm the one to give it to her'

"With all due respect, Hedda, I don't think Thea needs anything until
she asks for it If she wants to come home then we bring her, but only if
she wants to '

Hedda snorted derisively and Jake felt his temper flare He took a deep
breath, held it and then let it out very slowly Jake had once been so
proud of the liberal, open marriage that he shared with Hedda, he'd once
seen it as the way forward for a dying institution Now he wondered if so
many years of doing their own thing had simply served to separate them
and that it wasn't a marriage at all, just a coexistence, two people
living independent lives in the same house He said, ' think Thea might
need some space, to sort her head out That's what we need to give her,
here, at home '

Hedda, to his surprise, nodded ' think you're right,' she said, stubbing
out her cigarette and drinking down the last of her wine She stood up '
then we can get her back to university and get her life back on track'
She turned towards the door ', Jake ' Without waiting for a reply, she
went upstairs to bed Thea woke the following morning, having been up to
feed Tom twice in the night and fallen asleep after the second feed,
sitting upright, with Tom on the bed beside her She opened her eyes,
felt the habitual sinking in the pit of her stomach and closed them
again She had to get up, get washed, changed, go through the motions of
living, of keeping herself together, but she couldn't be bothered What
was the point anyway7 She never went anywhere or saw anyone There was
nothing to get up for So she moved the pillows and eased herself down
the bed, lying as still as she could so as not to wake Tom And she
stayed there, letting the phone ring unanswered downstairs, until Tom
woke and she had to heave herself up and out of bed and lumber, unwashed
and unchanged, through the dreary gnnd of the morning Jake parked his
car up on the grass verge in front of the cottage, as much off the
narrow country lane as he could manage, climbed out, locked up and
headed towards the cottage The curtains were still drawn, there were no
lights on and he could hear no noise Thea7' he suddenly called out,
breaking into a run Thea7 Are you home7'

Thea was sitting alone in the dark She had put Tom down for a sleep and,
unable to summon enough energy to even make herself a drink, had slumped
down on the floor in the front room with her head in her hands Thea7 Are
you there7'

She started She hadn't heard properly and wondered for a moment about
getting up to see if someone was there, but changed her mind Theai'

She jumped as a sharp bang on the window made the glass rattle in the
frame Thea7 If you're in there, open the bloody door i'Jake shouted He
was frightened now Thea' Where the hell are you7'

It was Jake' Thea got to her feet, her limbs stiff from sitting so long
in one position She stumbled to the front door and, unlocking it, pulled
it open, blinking at the sunlight Jake appeared, she saw his face, saw
him move to embrace her and without even knowing it, she started to cry
There was no wail, no sobbing, just silent, unstoppable tears

"Oh Thea' Jake held her, felt her fragility and stroked her hair ''s
OK,' he murmured, ''s OK, I'm here now, there's no need to cry '

Thea pulled back She shook her head and stared at him, her face creased
with pain There is,' she whispered ', there is It's all gone wrong, all
of it Hal's left me and I don't know how to cope with it ' She broke off
to wipe her face on the sleeve of her cardigan, which, from the look of
it, she had done before

"You'll manage,' Jake said ''ll get over him, Thea, I know you will--"

"No1' Thea suddenly cried, throwing her hands up ''s not him that I
can't cope with, I don't care that he's gone, he was never here anyway,
I I ' She looked behind her as a piercing wail broke out ' can't cope
with Tom, I don't how to do it, I ' The wail seemed to go on for ever,
then there was a moment's pause, as Tom drew breath, and it started
again Thea put her hands up to her face and sobbed Jake stood where he
was for a moment, then he made a split-second decision This was as far
as Thea would ever get in asking for help He put his hands on Thea's
shoulders and said, ' stay here, don't move I'm going to get Tom, throw
your things in a bag and then we're going home OK?> Thea didn't answer
him but that didn't matter He moved past her into the cottage, into the
kitchen, where he went through the cupboards with great speed He left
the few odd bits of food and took only the unopened bottle of Calpol he
found and a box of sterilising tablets In the front room, he took the
babygrows off the clothes horse, collected up a blanket off the floor
and found a rattle on the sofa Upstairs, he found Thea's holdall, zipped
it open and literally threw everything he could find that belonged to
her and Tom into it When he'd finished, checking every drawer, the
wardrobe and the bathroom cabinet, he was amazed that the bag wasn't
even half full He zipped it up, picked up Tom, still in his basket, and
earned both downstairs

"Does he need a feed7' he asked in the hall Thea hadn't moved, she
stood, still weeping, in the doorway and shook her head Til check his
nappy then,' Jake said Tom, who had momentarily shut up on being earned,
set up wailing again and as Jake took him out and laid him on the floor
he smiled at the baby ' a cross little face,' he said, lifting the edge
of the disposable to peer at what might be inside ', no dirty nappy,
it's just bad temper then, is it7' He lifted Tom, held him for a few
moments, then lay him back in the basket and went to Thea

"Right, that's it then' He held her baby out for her "Into the car We'll
stop in Oxford and buy him a car seat'

She took Tom, glanced behind her at the cottage and walked out towards
Jake's car She said nothing and Jake wasn't sure if she really knew what
was happening He wasn't sure if she hadn't slipped so far under that she
had lost her grasp on reality He followed her, slamming the door of the
cottage behind him, and opened the rear passenger door for her She
hesitated and Jake thought she might change her mind, or ask what the
hell was going on, but she didn't She said, "What shall 1 do with Tom7'

"Let's take him out of the basket You strap yourself in and then hold
him on your lap. We'll sort him out properly as quickly as we can."

Thea nodded, lifted Tom out and climbed into the car.

Jake pulled the seatbelt between then. He put her things in the boot,
then climbed in to the front and started the engine.

"You all right?' he asked, shifting into gear. But Thea didn't answer,
she just cradled Tom on her lap and stared blankly out of the window.
Jake didn't ask again. He moved the car off wondering what on earth they
were going to do next.

Chapter Five.

By the time they got to Islington, Jake had decided. He pulled up
outside 59, Park Road, helped Thea out of the car and into the house,
carried in Tom in his new car seat and then moved into action.

Thea,' he said, ' don't you go upstairs and have a really long, hot bath
and I'll look after Tom."

Thea glanced down at the baby, still asleep and looking very comfortable
in his car seat. ' haven't got any clean clothes,' she said. ''ve got
nothing to change into."

"Well, just put a towelling robe on then and I'll chuck a load in the
washing machine."

Still she hesitated; it was as if she was waiting for the catch.

"Go on,'Jake urged. There's gallons of hot water and if you want clean
pants you can always borrow a pair of Hedda's."

"A pair of Hedda's?"

"All right then, a pair of mine." At last Thea smiled. It was a
tentative action but it was a start. She kissed the tip of her finger
and placed it on Tom's forehead. ''ve never left him before,' she said,
her foot on the first step. ' even to have a bath."

There's always a first time for everything,' Jake replied, and without
waiting for Thea to hesitate further, he took Tom into the kitchen and
put the kettle on for tea When he heard the water running, Jake got on
the phone First he called John Lewis and ordered a cot, some bedding,
some new babygrows, vests, a changing mat, a bouncing chair and a
musical mobile that played "Hickory Dickory Dock', an item the sales
lady insisted he couldn't do without That done, he telephoned Hedda at
work, left a message about Thea and asked his wife to call him back
Lastly he called the hairdresser that Hedda went to in Kensington and
made an appointment for Thea the next day

"She'll want a cut, treatments and a blow dry,' he said "Yes, with the
top stylist please Eleven-thirty7 Yes, that sounds fine Good, thanks' He
made a note of it and went to hang up ', by the way, do you mind breast
feeding in the salon?' There was a short, uncomfortable pause and he was
told that they didn't ',' Jake said "We'll see you tomorrow then' He
rang off, went to fetch Tom and took him, miraculously still sound
asleep in his car seat, upstairs to his study Jake had dismantled his
desk by the time that Hedda arrived home He was stacking the pieces
neatly and putting the screws into a small jam jar as she came up the
stairs

"Jake7' She stood in the doorway frowning ''s Thea and what on earth are
you doing7'

Thea is in the bath,' Jake replied, ' I'm clearing my study, to make
room for a cot It's being delivered tomorrow'

"A cot?"

He stopped what he was doing and turned to Hedda ', a cot Tom needs
somewhere to sleep and that somewhere needs to be apart from Thea I plan
to slap some white emulsion on these walls tonight, once I've cleared
the books, move a chest of drawers in here - that Victonan pine one we
have on the landing to be precise, it's the right height for changing a
baby on - and I'm going to bring the chaise in from the spare room, so
there's somewhere for Thea to sit and feed in the night' He dropped the
last nut and bolt into the jam jar and screwed the top on Hedda leant
against the doorframe ', I think you've gone barmy,' she said coldly '
really do1'

He raised an eyebrow ' you7 I see ' Then he turned towards the window '
forgot to mention the blind I thought I'd get one if those ready-made
roller blinds from Homebase, bright red - or blue maybe - and put it up
tomorrow This Venetian slat thing is well past its sell by date'

"Jake1' Hedda snapped ' the hell is going on' You've brought Thea and
the baby home because we think she's ill, has possibly got post-natal
depression, and you think a spot of DIY is going to make everything all
right7' She shook her head ' don't believe you1 Thea needs proper help,
counselling, she needs to be moved on in her life, she--"

"She needs some very basic things, Hedda" Jake interjected, "Like a cot
for her baby, a room for him to sleep in so that she can have a bit of
space for herself She needs clothes for him, clothes for herself, she
needs time, on her own and with Tom, she needs to boost her confidence,
she needs practical, useful help ' He stared hard at Hedda but he didn't
raise his voice ' does not need bloody counselling,' he said icily ' now
Not yet' Hedda stared back That's your opinion,' she said "Yes and
that's the way it's going to be as well' Jake bent and stacked the legs
of the desk on top of the top and side pieces He straightened ' won't
argue about this, Hedda, and I won't give in either I can help Thea, I'm
already on sabbatical and my research paper can wait'

Hedda snorted, they both knew what sabbatical meant Jake had been made
redundant from his post as senior lecturer in Sociological Studies at
the West Trant Polytechnic when it was made into the North London
University and so far, in nearly a year, he hadn't found another job
Hedda resented it, she privately thought him too ineffectual to get
anything else and scoffed at his research paper

"What about finding another job7' she demanded That can wait too We've
got enough money, my redundancy package and you earn a considerable sum
We don't struggle--"

"You don't struggle1' Hedda snapped Jake ignored her "Look, Thea needs
help with Tom,' he went on, despite her glare ' I've racked my brains
trying to think of how we can give it to her I thought about nannies and
all pairs and God knows what and the best I can come up with is me'

"You7' Hedda walked into the room and closed the door behind her ', very
good1 Now I know you've gone barmyi' she hissed, ' all thought of our
future has gone out of the window, has it7' "No, it's just that--"

That what7 What on earth do you think you can contribute, Jake, at this
stage in your life7'

"I can look after my grandson for a start'1 Jake hissed back ' may have
been some time ago but I have done it before, remember7'

"How could I forget,' Hedda said archly ', stinking nappies all over the
place, complete chaos, you too exhausted to even get it up at night1'

Jake kept his gaze on her face ' that why you had an affair7' he asked
Hedda took a step back Her face registered shock, then something like
pain which she covered almost instantly ' was a long time ago, Jake,'
she said, ' anyway I thought we'd agreed not to be possessive '

"You'd agreed'

There was a silence and Hedda stared down at her hands, twisting her
wedding ring round and round her finger This doesn't concern Thea,' she
said at last

"No' Jake agreed ' doesn't'

She knelt and looked at Tom, who was just stirring ''s very healthy
looking,' she commented Jake knelt next to her ''you want to hold him7'

"No, not yet,' she said quickly ' him sleep '

Jake unfastened the straps on the car seat and picked Tom out, holding
him close ''s here to stay, Hedda, we can't change that You may think he
was a mistake, you may even be right, but he's entitled to a chance ' He
looked at her over the top of Tom's head ''s give it to him, eh7'

Hedda bit her lip, then she heard Thea come out of the bathroom and
stood to open the door Thea,' she called, 'we're in Jake's study ' As
she turned away from Tom, Jake realised that she hadn't even replied

Chapter Six.

One night several weeks later, when Thea and Tom were well and truly
settled in, Hedda came home earlier than expected She had decided to
give the refuge a miss, she was tired, the strain of having a baby in
the house was far greater than she had imagined or remembered and the
fact that Jake seemed to find it all a terrific idea was beginning to
grate She felt isolated in her own home, Jake had no time for her and
she had little time for the baby She had no one to talk to, which was
bizarre really she listened to other people s problems all day and every
day and yet had nobody to discuss her own with She had friends, of
course, Jude and Manan, but there was something about her friendships
that had recently made Hedda feel uneasy Although she would never admit
it, Hedda had always felt superior to her friends, she had always been
the giver, because she could well afford to give But now she had
problems, solid, unavoidable problems of her own, her superiority had
slipped and that was hard to take Despite all that she had done with her
life, Hedda had not escaped the tnals that befall lesser mortals Her
marriage was under enormous strain, the marriage that had once been the
envy of all who met them, her daughter - who had never given her a day's
worry in her life - had thrown up an illustrious academic career for
single teenage motherhood, and to top it all, she was woken nightly and
each morning at six a m by the whine of a small baby upon whose head
fell the blame for everything that had gone wrong So, as she came in the
door, hung her coat up and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a
longed-for glass of chilled chardonnay, it was hardly surprising that
she flipped at the sight of Jake in a red nose and green wig, playing
peepo a game she had always considered particularly mindless with a
cream silk scarf, covered in dribble and Tom, who was perched in his car
seat on the pme table, a car seat that had left a deep ridged groove in
the hand-polished wax finish of the table top

"What the bloody hell is going on" she cried, throwing her bag down on
the floor ' God's sake, Jake1 Look at the table1 And look at my
cushion1' She swiped it out of Jake's hand '1 Just look at it, will you7
It's covered in crap i' Tom began to cry

"It's only a cushion, Hedda,' Jake replied coldly, then, picking Tom up,
said, ''ve made him cry '

Hedda let out a long, pained growl ' give me strength1' she snapped ' is
the child's mother anyway The child's mother, as you so lovingly call
her, is upstairs getting ready to go out'

"Out7 Go out7'

"Yes'

"Oh great1 Bloody great1 So we're stuck with him again, are we7 No
supper to speak of, jiggling him about to keep him quiet, no peace at
all, no music because it will wake him and certainly no sex, we haven't
had sex since he arrived and he's not even our baby1'

Jake had soothed Tom back to smiles during Hedda's short outburst and
now walked around with him facing outwards so that he could see all the
action ' at Granny,' he cooed, at which Hedda's nostrils flared
dangerously Then he said, There's pizza, it's ready-made but I can just
pop it m the oven when you're ready '

"Pizza,' Hedda repeated, through clenched teeth '," she said, ' has got
to stop1 I am going up to see Thea right now and tell her that you
looking after Tom just isn't going to work'

Jake didn't reply He knew Hedda could say, declare, demand, shout, rant
and even rave but he wasn't going to give up looking after Tom until
Thea wanted him to

"And while we're on the subject,' she went on, ' child needs some
constructive play, not pee-bloody-po with a tired middle-aged man trying
to recreate his youth He needs proper stimulation, learning toys, he
needs to be stretched, shown his full potential, he needs--"

"Oh Hedda,'Jake sighed, ' spare me He's just learnt to smile and chuckle
and he needs practice He needs love and attention and laughter There's
plenty of time for learning' He kissed Tom and placed him back m his car
seat ',' he said, ' I'd wanted to recreate my youth, I'd have bought a
motorbike ' And picking Tom up, he took him into the sitting room to
play uninterrupted there Hedda went upstairs She heard the sound of the
hairdryer and knocked on Thea's bedroom door Tup1 Come in1'

Hedda opened the door Thea was standing in front of the mirror trying to
dry her hair The new cut that Jake had initiated suited her, but she had
no idea how to style it and consequently it flopped over one side of her
face and had a strange kink in it on the other Hedda sighed It looked
bizarre

"Is that what you're wearing7' she asked Thea glanced down at her jeans,
too tight and with an indelible stain on the thigh - probably nappy-rash
cream - her shoes, two years old and hardly fashionable, and her
sweater, Jake's V-necked M & S jersey in dull grey ' I, erm ' She caught
Hedda's disapproval and flushed ''s all I've got,' she said

"I see ' Hedda chewed on her lip, all thought of chastisement vanishing
at the sight of Thea's hopeless struggle to look nice Her sympathies
aroused, she said, ' on, I think I've got a lipstick that would really
suit you,' and, disappeanng out of the room across the landing to her
own bedroom, she returned a minute or so later with her make-up bag She
unzipped it, rummaged for a few moments and came up with a Chanel
lipstick ',' she said Try this'

Thea took it, carefully applied it in front of her mirror and turned '7'

Hedda frowned momentarily, it wasn't OK, it was awful "Hmmm ' she
murmured, rummaging again in the small bag ' quite Try this ' She
produced another lipstick, handed it to Thea and waited for her to rub
off the last effort with a tissue and try again This better7'

Hedda stared, pulled a face, then shook her head '," she said ' think
I've got the right colour downstairs in my handbag, I'll just go and
fetch it' She left the room, Thea heard her footsteps on the stairs and
looked at herself in the mirror She had dark brown hair, nothing
spectacular, no auburn tints or chestnut gloss to it, along with pale
skin, not the deep rose or olive complexion that usually goes with
brunettes, just pale and easily burnt in the sun She rubbed the lipstick
off, leaving her mouth chaffed and sore looking and waited for Hedda to
return A minute or so later, Hedda came in with the lipstick, gave it to
Thea and said, ''you want me to put it on for you7'

"No, no, it's fine, I think I can manage' Thea turned to the mirror one
last time and made a wide O with her mouth She applied the lipstick and
stood back, knowing that this was by far the worst colour

"Oh dear,' Hedda said ' don't think that these deep colours suit you'

"No,' Thea replied, ' don't' And without waiting for any other comment,
rubbed hard at her lips and removed the horrible plum-coloured gloss Td
better go,' she said Tm running out of time '

"Yes, yes of course ' Hedda was embarrassed at her futile attempt at
help ' are you off to7'

The Royal Oak' Thea almost shuddered as she said it "Just for a drink '

"Right, I see' She stood back to let Thea pass, then offered ' could go
shopping sometime if you like, Thea, I mean, to get you a few new things
You could probably do with them and I could treat you, you know, help
you out a bit'

Thea stopped She had never been shopping with Hedda, never Her clothes
had always been bought for her when she was little a selection of what
they used to call '' clothes, that were always in dark colours and
always terribly practical, and then, when she was bigger, things from
the teen department in Selfndges that Hedda was insistent she should
wear Thea had chosen items herself, of course, but that was with Jake,
who never commented on what did or didn't look good and who was happy to
let her find her own style

"Gosh,' Thea said Thanks, that would be great1' Then she caught the
faintest glimmer of embarrassment in Hedda's eyes and realised the offer
had been made out of pity Her heart fell, and, avoiding looking at her
mother, she made her way past her and down the stairs In the hall, she
took a jacket out of the cupboard It was a dark green anorak, an old one
of Jake's that he used to go walking in, pulled it on and, to Hedda's
horror, put the hood up She called out to Jake, who came into the hall
with Tom and kissed her, then held the baby up for his caress Hedda
watched this cosy domestic scene from the top of the stairs, unnoticed
and umncluded She watched Thea open the door and turn to glance up at
her

"Bye, Hedda," Thea called, but as she held her hand up to wave, Hedda
knew there was no warmth in her voice and wondered, again, just why she
never seemed to get it right Thea rounded the corner of Park Road
towards the pub, out of sight of the house, and stopped She looked ahead
at the Royal Oak, every window ablaze, its noise spilling out through
the open doors on to the pavement outside and thought I can't do it, I
cannot go in there She stood paralysed, rigid with embarrassment, her
heart hammering in her chest and clutching her handbag in sweaty hands
It had been Jake's idea, she'd barely mentioned that the few people
she'd met at the playgroup were meeting for a drink and, ''ll want to
go, Thea,' Jake had said, rounding on her and smiling '7 Now that you've
got me to look after Tom'

"Of course,' Thea had murmured and Jake, delighted that she seemed to
have turned the corner at last, failed to hear the note of panic in her
voice Now, Thea edged forward She forced herself to cover the last few
yards to just beyond the entrance to the saloon bar and stopped again
She ground her teeth The noise was impossible loud music, laughter, the
roar of noisy conversation "I must go in," she told herself ' must go in
'

And then suddenly, from what seemed like out of nowhere, she was knocked
with such force that she was propelled bodily, shoulder first, into the
bnck wall of the pub Another body fell on top of her, she screamed, or
thought she did, but no sound came out of her mouth, then she fell
heavily on to the pavement and cned out with pain

"You fucking bastard1' a shrill high voice screamed in her ear She was
shoved down towards the cold, dirty concrete as the body on top of her
struggled to get up ' dirty fucking bastard1' the scream went on ''t you
ever lay a finger on me again1 You hear me?"

"Ah piss off, Cora1 I've had it up to here with you Go on, piss off1'

A door slammed, there was the faint echo of laughter, then '1 I'll get
you1 You bastard1'

Thea lay very still She had instinctively put her hands up to protect
her head and now kept them there, terrified to get up She heard a
shuffle, a cough, then a small, sharp sob Opening her eyes, Thea slid
her hands away from her head and turned her face to the side There was a
body, in a pink nylon fake fur coat, slumped on the pavement Thea rolled
over She raised herself up on one elbow, winced at the pain in her
shoulder, then brought her knees up, rolling on to her side to sit up
The pink nylon fur was a girl Her head was bent forward and she was
struggling to light a cigarette with a match between trembling fingers
Thea sat up

"Bastard,' the girl whimpered She lit the cigarette and glanced up Her
face had a swelling on one side, above her right eye, which, obviously
freshly inflicted, was red and faintly shiny where her skin stretched
over it That looks sore,' Thea said The girl didn't answer She dragged
heavily on the cigarette and stared at the entrance to the public bar of
the pub Her face was wet with tears ' you all right?"

Thea ventured

"Yeah, fuckin' fantastic >' the girl snapped She looked at Thea, took
her in at a glance, then said, ' got any money to spare for a cup of
tea7'

Thea nodded ' can we get one7'

Incredulous, the girl shook her head '7' she sneered and her face, with
its swelling, looked peculiarly lopsided "I don't remember offering no
invitations '

Thea stood up ' think there's a place up by the tube station,' she said
Til buy you a cup of tea and something to eat'

The girl glanced up. She flicked a strand of brittle, platinum-blonde
hair behind her ear and narrowed her eyes.

"You should get that seen to as well,' Thea said, rubbing her shoulder.
The bastard obviously packs a mean punch." The girl smiled. Putting her
cigarette in her mouth, she held it between pursed lips and offered a
hand. Thea took it, pulling her to her feet. ''m Cora,' she said,
brushing her legs and looking for tears in her tights. '?"

Thea Marshall."

Thea? That's a bloody queer name!' She spotted a snag.

"Bugger!' she spat. ''s fucked me bloody tights as well!"

"It's Greek for goddess."

Cora took the fag out of her mouth. ' is?' She took one last long drag
on it and stamped it underfoot. Her shoes, pink and high-heeled with
ankle straps, ground the cigarette until it disintegrated. ''t want no
tramps smoking my fag ends,' Cora said. ' on, let's go before the
bastard looks out to see if I'm still here and clocks me another one.'
She shrugged the fake fur up over her shoulders and pulled it round her
body.

"Your arm all right?' she asked as Thea fell into step with her. ' took
a hell of a bang."

"Not sure,' Thea replied. '. Ask me again later and I'll tell you then."

Cora glanced sidelong at her. ''re a bit bloody posh, aren't you?"

Thea shrugged. ' don't know. Am I?' They walked on in silence, Cora's
heel tips tapping on the pavement, Thea's soft-soled shoes making no
sound at all. Two streets down, they turned the corner towards the tube
station where "Lena's All Nite Cafe' was open.

This the place?"

"Yes. Here.' Thea opened the door for Cora and stood aside to let her go
through. Cora frowned, looked at her as if she'd just stepped off
another planet and went in. Halfway through the door, she stopped and
glanced over her shoulder. ''re not a lesbo or anything, are you?
Because I can tell you this now, I'm not into any of that stuff, OK?"

Thea blinked a couple of times, but that was the only indication she
gave that she was shocked. She simply shook her head and said, ', I'm
perfectly straight,' then walked in after Cora and found them both a
table.

"D'you want something to eat?' she asked, pulling out a chair.

Cora, in the process of taking a ten-pack of cigarettes out of her
pocket, looked up at the board, squinted, hesitated, then looked away.
It was obvious she couldn't read. She said, Yeah, what is there?"

Thea caught her embarrassment, made no comment and read through the list
on the board. Cora chose eggs, bacon, chips and beans. '' a cup of tea,'
she called out, ' two sugars.' Thea ordered, waited for the tea and came
across to the table with it. She placed it on the Formica, stirred two
sugars into both polystyrene cups and handed one across to Cora.

"Cora's an unusual name too,' she said, waiting for her tea to cool.
Cora took a sip of hers, burnt her mouth and swore loudly.

"It's not my real name, I heard it on the telly once, years ago, and
thought I'd have it."

"It's nice. Pretty."

Cora flushed. ', well, it's all right."

Thea said, ''s the bastard and why did he hit you?"

"What's this then, twenty questions?"

Thea shrugged. ' don't have to tell me, I'm just curious, that's all."

Cora looked inside her packet of cigarettes, saw that there was only one
left and decided to save it until she'd eaten. She fiddled with the
packet instead, tapping it on the Formica.

The bastard's my bloke,' she said after a while, '.

He's sort of my bloke and sort of not. He--' She broke off, changed her
mind about the cigarette and lit it. ' don't mean it, this.' She stabbed
a thumb in the direction of her swollen eye. ' gets pissed off with me,
that's all.

I hang about a bit, get on his nerves. It's my own fault." Thea said
nothing. She waited for Cora to go on but the woman behind the counter
shouted her order, so she got up to fetch Cora a plate heaped with food.

Cora said, ' you doing this anyway?"

Again Thea shrugged. ' don't know. I'm supposed to be out having a drink
with friends, only they're not really friends and I'm not very good at
all that kind of stuff - you know, socialising

"Socialising?' Cora stuffed a stacked forkful into her mouth. ''s
socialising?' she mumbled whilst chewing.

"What's what?"

Cora swallowed. '-thingy."

"Socialising? It's, well, having a good time with friends, I suppose."

"An' you don't like it?' Cora dunked a piece of fried bread into the
runny yolk of her egg and licked the yolk off it.

"No, not really, not that much. But I said I'd go and I don't want to go
home and admit that I didn't turn up." "Why not?" Thea smiled. ''s this?
Twenty questions?" Cora smiled back. She had strong, white, even teeth
and her smile changed her face completely. ' don't you want to go home
then?" "Well ...' Thea sighed. ''s far too long and complicated to
explain."

"Yeah?' Cora, who had been shovelling food almost constantly into her
mouth, stopped, put her knife and fork down on the plate and took a
large swig of her tea.

She swallowed, then flicked the ash off her cigarette still smoking in
the ashtray and took a drag of it. ' never liked home much either. Not
after my mum got Gordon to move in.' She blew smoke out of the side of
her mouth.

"Ran away so much they put me in care.' She smiled and rolled her eyes.
That was far bloody worse, I can tell you! Should have stayed where I
was and put up with the groping!' Another drag of her cigarette and she
said, "Go on, now you."

"Now me?"

"Yeah, now you. You tell me why you don't want to go home."

"Oh God.' Thea took a sip of her own tea. ' don't really know where to
start.' Cora stared at her and Thea felt suddenly pathetic. ''ve got a
baby."

"No? You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not. He's called Tom and he's three months old.

That's not why I don't want to go home though."

"No?"

"No, it's more complicated than that. It doesn't matter anyway."

"No?"

Thea shrugged, but of course it mattered and she could see Cora knew
that.

"Where's his dad then, this baby of yours?"

"I don't know. At home probably, with his parents. We met at university
... "

Told you you was posh.' Cora stubbed her cigarette out and started on
her food again. ' and stupid,' she said, shaking her head. ' yourself
with a kid."

"It wasn't like that!"

"No?"

"No. I got pregnant but I was pleased, I was relieved, I--' Thea broke
off. She was going to say that she'd had her mother's attention, for the
first time ever, all of it, and for a while that somehow made it all
worth while, but she didn't. That was too complicated, too much to
explain. Instead, she said, ' God, I don't know what I was, maybe I was
stupid."

"And the kid's dad, was he happy about it?"

Thea looked down. She didn't answer for a while and Cora finished her
food, pushing the plate to one side, then picked up her tea. Her gaze
never left Thea's face.

"No,' Thea said, ' wasn't happy about it, it never really worked out
between us."

"Don't blame him."

Thea glanced away to avoid Cora's eyes which had an odd knowingness in
them, as if they'd seen too much.

"So where's the kid now?"

"He's at home." "Yeah?" Thea looked back. ',' she said coolly. ''d you
think he'd be?"

Cora shrugged. ' should 1 know? Might be in care for all I know, like
me. It isn't any great shakes, you know, to be in care."

Thea was embarrassed. ',' she said quietly, Tm sure."

"So.' Cora picked her teeth with her thumbnail, retrieved a stray bit of
bacon and popped it back into her mouth.

"You still happy about it?"

"About what?"

"Having a kid an' all." Thea smiled; Cora had no pretensions. ' don't
know," she answered. ' wasn't anything like I expected it to be."

"Yeah? Tell me about it!' Cora pulled a face. ' for me, I can tell you,
all those shitty nappies and puke and screaming.' She shook her head.
''t catch me going up that street, ta very much.' She stopped and looked
at Thea.

"What did you expect then?" "I don't know.' Thea hesitated, then said, '
didn't expect to feel so lonely, so ...' She hesitated again. '
desperate."

Cora shook her head.

"It probably sounds stupid but I had this image in my mind of ... well,
of like it is on the telly, on the baby ads, and--' Thea stopped. ''s so
funny?"

Cora was smiling. ', it does sound stupid! What, cuddly little babies
chasing rolls of bleeding toilet paper with that daft bloody dog? If it
ran off with my bog paper while I was having a shit I wouldn't be
laughing, I can tell you."

And all of a sudden Thea, who had found nothing at all amusing about her
situation until that moment, burst into fits of giggles.

"All they bloody do is laugh about it on the telly and chase that
friggin' dog round. Jesus!' Cora frowned. ''t be like that in my house.
I'd be shouting

"Come here, you little bugger," and that's before I'd clock it one for
wasting all that bloody bog roll!"

Thea was laughing so much now she could hardly breathe.

"It's not cheap, you know, that stuff!' Cora said earnestly and, pleased
but slightly puzzled as to why her conversation was so amusing,
announced: ' too nice to waste wiping your bum on, if you ask me."

Cora walked home with Thea. She had nothing better to do, she said,
except go home to her poxy bedsit and listen to the radio. When they
arrived at the steps of 59, Park Road, Thea asked her in, but Cora,
looking up at the house, a large detached red-brick Victorian building,
declined. She didn't see it as Thea did, scruffy and ill kept, she just
saw money and something out of her reach.

"I could put some ice on your eye, and I think I've got some antiseptic
somewhere,' Thea said. ' you could see my baby."

"Nah.' Cora huddled into her coat. Thanks, but no thanks. I've got to
go, it's a bit of a walk home from here."

"Right."

The two girls exchanged nervous smiles. They were both loners, neither
had any friends to speak of and yet they'd found something they liked
about each other, something that might be akin to friendship.

Thanks for the grub,' Cora said. ' was nice."

That's OK, thanks for saving me from coming home at eight o'clock.' They
both smiled again.

Td better go.' Cora turned towards the road. Til see you around."

"Yes, sure, I ... " Thea dug in her pockets for her key, then she looked
over her shoulder and suddenly called, "Where d'you live?"

Cora glanced back. ' House, on Hubbert Road."

She shrugged. ''s a dump but it's not council."

"What number Gilbert House?"

"Why? You want to come over?"

"Yes. Tomorrow morning maybe? I could bring Tom."

Cora pulled a face, then smiled. ' seven, lucky for some!' She hesitated
for a moment, chewing on her lip and obviously considering something,
then she said quickly: "You couldn't bring us a packet of fags, could
you?"

"No I bloody well couldn't!' Thea burst out indignantly.

They're bad for your health and I wouldn't encourage you!"

She stopped. Cora had shrugged her coat up and buried her face into the
fluffy pink nylon collar. Embarrassed, she avoided Thea's eye. She
hardly ever asked for anything, only took what was given her. Thea
turned towards the front door, then looked back. ' smokes,' she said,
changing her mind. Til pinch a few of hers, OK?"

Suddenly Cora beamed and it set the seal on the friendship.

"Brill,' she said and, setting off down the road, she held her hand up
to wave, calling: ' you tomorrow morning then.' Her heels tapping
smartly on the pavement were the last thing Thea heard as she went
inside.

Chapter Seven.

An unlikely friendship between Cora and Thea Marshall developed. They
were very different. Cora was sharp and rough, cocksure and sometimes
arrogant; she gave little, expected nothing in return and yet she longed
to be loved.

Thea in contrast was softer; she gave of herself easily but she
floundered with lack of confidence and felt that she had nothing to
offer. Cora gave Thea confidence and Thea gave Cora affection. They took
from the other what they needed without really knowing it, and they
formed a bond that tied them closer than they ever could have imagined.

They started out by having coffee together, first in Cora's bedsit, then
at Thea's house, drinking coffee and talking, exchanging lives, to the
fascination of them both. Tom lay in his car seat between them, or on a
rug, and they played with him, simply, just making faces or tickling his
fingers and toes. Then they went shopping together, wheeling Tom round
in a second-hand push chair Jake had borrowed from a neighbour, taking
him on the underground and into women's changing rooms while they tried
on a never-ending variety of clothing from Top Shop and Miss. Selfridge.
They experimented with lipsticks and eyeliners in department stores,
painted every nail a different colour from the tester ranges and sat in
Hyde Park as the weather got warmer for long afternoons, lolling around
and gossiping about themselves.

As the spring gave way to early summer, they frequented the leisure
centre in Islington most mornings, watching the aerobics class in the
dance studio, noses pressed against the wall of glass, Tom in the push
chair mesmerised by the constant motion and beat of the bodies in
brightly coloured leotards. They tried out the dance routines at home in
Hedda and Jake's front room, practising the steps, taping bits of music
that they liked, until one day Jake suggested that they go along to try
it and gave them a river to pay for the class.

After that they were hooked. The money that Cora used to spend on ten
cigarettes a day went instead to pay for her aerobics class and Thea
offered to iron for the lady next door at five pounds a basketload to
fund herself. Sometimes they left Tom at home with Jake and snatched an
hour and a half of freedom, other times they took him along and put him
in the creche. But every time they went, they stood at the front of the
class, both humming along to the tunes and making sure that they copied
every step, every movement and every gesture that the instructor made.
They were naturals.

Then one day, over a coffee in the snack bar after a particularly good
class, Thea and Cora very nearly fell out.

"All right,' Cora said, stirring sugar into her coffee, ' on, spit it
out! You've got a face as long as a donkey's dick."

"Choice use of language!' Thea replied. Thanks a lot."

"Well you have! You've not said a bloody word and I've had to do all the
talking and I've had enough! Come on, out with it!"

Thea drank her coffee. ', sorry, Cora, but it's too complicated, you
wouldn't understand."

"What, not as clever as you? That it?"

"No, nothing like that, I ... "

"Yeah?' Cora had narrowed her eyes. ' may not have got into some snotty
university but I'm not bloody stupid, you know."

"Yes I know, it's not that at all, it's just ...' Thea suddenly threw
her hands up. ''s Hedda,' she said. ''s started coming home mid morning
from the Therapy centre, while I'm here, and doing things with Tom."

"Yeah?' Cora, who had only once met Hedda and decided that once was
enough, narrowed her eyes again. It was a habit she had, she thought it
made her look sophisticated.

"What kinda things?"

Thea looked away for a few moments, sighed, then looked squarely at
Cora. ''s started on this whole educational play thing, subliminal
learning I think it's called."

"Jesus! What the friggin' hell does that mean?" Thea sighed again. ''s
sort of feeding the brain messages but not being conscious of those
messages. Like really faint whispers in the music played at supermarkets
to entice you to buy things."

"No! You've gotta be kidding! They do that at Tesco's?"

"I don't know for sure. Maybe."

"Is that what your mum's doing?"

"Well, sort of, she's started using these flash cards, with words and
pictures on them, and she shows them to Tom.

She spends whole mornings doing it. She's convinced that it'll help him
read early, help his development.' Thea was becoming increasingly tense
as she spoke. ''s just bizarre really, cramming a five-month-old baby,
trying to force him to respond! It drives me mad, it's like she can't
relax, she's got to have him doing things, things that'll in some way
make him more clever, or more advanced, or brighter than anyone else!
She can't just leave him alone, let him be happy, let him play and enjoy
himself, she's got to keep on at him, on and on! I--' Thea broke off,
suddenly aware that she'd been raising her voice and that people were
staring.

She was also suddenly aware that Cora had turned away from her and gone
very quiet.

"Cora?' she said, reaching out and touching her friend's arm, ' you OK?"

Cora turned back. She looked at Thea, then at her hand and removed her
arm from reach. T've gotta go,' she said quickly. She stood and snatched
up her purse. '. I'll see you around, all right?' She scraped her chair
back and made off without looking at Thea again, without saying another
word. She crossed the snack bar, almost running, and knocked a chair as
she went, slamming through the double swing doors. Thea hesitated for a
moment, then jumped up and ran after her.

"Cora!' she shouted, running down the stairs. ', wait!"

But Cora ignored her and carried on, out of the building and into the
street. Thea ran faster. She caught her friend at the bus stop and, out
of breath, grabbed Cora's arm, spinning her round. '? What's up? What
did I say?"

She was upset and hurt. '? What is it?' Cora went to shrug her off; the
bus was coming; but Thea held on to her arm. '! Tell me!"

All right" Cora suddenly cned ' right, I'll tell you, shall P You and
your bloody smug ideas, you haven't gotta clue, have you7 You know
nothing, carping on about your mum helping your kid to read and you
haven't gotta clue1 You haven't got the nous to be grateful, think it's
some kind of problem, and all she wants to do is help him' God, you make
me sick' She's trying to give him something that alotta kids never get,
trying to give him a good start in life and you' - Cora jabbed her
forefinger at Thea's chest -- ' just criticise her, you just whmge and
whine like she's doing something wrong" Cora's voice cracked and her
eyes glistened with unshed tears ' haven't gotta clue ' she said again,
her voice dying in her throat Then she turned away and just at that
moment the bus pulled up Moving quickly towards the open doors, she
fumbled for her purse and climbed up ' to Hubbert Road,' she said,
recovering her composure She waited for the ticket, took it and, without
turning to look at Thea, moved along the bus to her seat Thea stood
motionless and watched as the bus doors closed with a hiss and a belch
of exhaust fumes accompanied its moving off She had a sinking in the pit
of her stomach, the familiar ache of hurt and disappointment, and as she
walked back to the leisure centre to collect the sports bag she'd left
in the snack bar, she honestly didn't know what she had said wrong That
night, in the long, silent hours after midnight and before dawn, Thea
was awake with Tom and thought about Cora As she fed her baby in the
shadowy darkness and touched the soft fold of his cheek pressed against
her breast, she had time to reflect on what she had said and why Cora
was so upset She knew Cora couldn't read, she had helped her so often
with signs and shop labels, menus and prices, but had never commented on
it How could she, when Cora ignored it herself and pretended that it
didn't exist7 She had immense cunning at skirting round anything that
required the skill, she covered herself at every turn and she had never,
not even once, asked for any help Thea glanced down at Tom, who had
fallen asleep, and gently lifted him back into his cot She sat down
again on the chaise in the darkness and curled her legs up underneath
her Tom gently snored beside her and she thought about him, about his
chances in life and about the things that came so naturally to her that
she almost took them for granted, things that she was sure would come
naturally to him as well, things like reading and writing Thea had never
had to navigate her way around the underground by asking people if she
was on the right platform, learning the stops off by heart and counting
each one so that she knew which station was hers She had never had to
identify food in the supermarket by the colours on their labels or wait
in a cafe until somebody ordered something she wanted so that she knew
it was on the menu And nor, she thought, would Tom So why criticise
Hedda for wanting to make sure of that7 What had Cora said7 That she
hadn't got a clue, that she was just whmging and whining at Hedda trying
to give Tom something that a lot of children never get Thea stood to
look down at Tom asleep in the cot and was suddenly deeply ashamed
Ashamed of what she had always assumed was hers by right, ashamed for
the first time ever - of letting Hedda down. She bent, kissed him, and
returned to her room. She took her dressing gown off the back of the
door, pulled it on and crept downstairs. In the cupboard in Hedda's
study, Thea found the flash cards; they were in a pack with a manual and
several work books. She switched on the lamp, took everything across to
Hedda's desk and sat down to read.

What she had was a basic literacy package; it was the perfect tool and
she knew exactly how she was going to use it.

The following morning, Thea was up before anyone else in the house. She
had fed, bathed and dressed Tom ready for the day when Jake came down in
his pyjamas and slippers, looking fuddled and drowsy Tea, Jake?' she
asked as he came into the kitchen.

"Hmm, please. And do a cup for Hedda too, will you?

I'll take it up to her."

"Sure.' Thea put the kettle on and started to lay out the tea things on
a tray.

Jake looked up from rubbing his hands wearily over his face. ' are you
up to today, Thea? You're up very bright and early!' He stretched,
yawning. ' makes me feel rather unwell actually, the sight of all that
efficiency in the morning." Thea smiled. Tm just off to Cora's."

"What, again?' Jake was beginning to worry that this friendship with
Cora was unproductive. Perhaps Hedda had a point, perhaps Thea should be
thinking more about her future, rather than drinking coffee and doing
aerobics.

"What on earth do you two girls do all day to keep yourselves occupied?"

There was an edge of irritation in his voice and Thea picked up on it. '
to now, not very much,' she said, 'but that's all going to change this
morning."

"Oh really?' Jake took the mug of tea Thea handed him.

"What cunning plans are afoot then? Trying a new lipstick?

Buying another top?"

Thea looked at him. ', Jake, did I do something wrong this morning?"
Jake sighed. ', not just this morning, Thea. I just wonder when you're
going to do something with yourself, something positive, something
productive, instead of all this laying about and wasting time!"

"I've got Tom to look after, remember, it does limit things a bit!"

"Don't I know it!' Hedda was getting increasingly edgy with a baby in
the house and Jake had to confess he could see her point. ', Thea, if
you could at least show me that you were using your brain in some way,
doing something positive--"

"What, like teaching Cora to read? Is that positive enough for you?'
Thea plonked Hedda's mug on the tea tray and filled it with tea. When
she turned back Jake was staring at her.

Teaching Cora to read?' He walked across to the table and sat down. '
that what you're doing?"

"Yes! That's what I plan to do anyway. I want to start this morning,
with the reading scheme that Hedda's been using for Tom.' She glared at
him. ' think that's using my brain, isn't it?"

Jake ignored her sarcasm and cupped his hands round his mug. He looked
at her, genuinely impressed. ' will you do with Tom?"

"He can come too, it'll please Hedda and he might learn something!"
Suddenly, they both smiled.

"Look, how about I have him?' Jake said. ' a couple of hours each
morning so that you can get off to a good start?"

Thea bit her lip. That's very nice of you, but I don't think so, you've
got your own things to do, so Hedda keeps telling me, and I wouldn't
want to impose Tom on you, I--"

"You wouldn't be imposing, honestly!' Jake's irritation had evaporated.
This was more than positive and productive, it was ethical and selfless.
He had to help, he wouldn't have been Jake if he didn't offer. Td like
to help, I'd like to be part of this great scheme. I mean, I look after
Tom on and off already, what's making it a regular thing, eh?"

Thea crossed the room and pulled out a chair opposite him. ', are you
really sure? What will Hedda say? Won't she be--"

He reached out and touched Thea's hand. ' Hedda to me,' he said, with
far more confidence than he felt.

"You go and get yourself ready to go and leave Tom and Hedda to me."
Thea smiled, squeezed his fingers and stood up. ' you're sure?" "Of
course I'm sure,' he said. ' on.' Certain that he'd done the right
thing, he watched Thea disappear off upstairs and stood to take Hedda up
her tea.

When Thea arrived at Cora's bedsit, the curtains on the small windows at
the top of the house were drawn and there was no reply from the buzzer.
She rang twice, waited, then decided to pop down to Woolies to buy a
couple of notebooks and come back in an hour or so. This she did,
returning to Cora's at nine-thirty. She rang the buzzer again, put her
ear close to the little speaker on the intercom and moments later sprang
back as Cora barked in her ear.

"If that's you, Thea, go away!' she snapped. ' didn't finish work till
late and I'm tired!"

"Cora, listen. I've got something I want to talk to you about. It won't
take long, I promise. Please let me in."

There was a silence; Thea held her breath. She carried a string bag with
the reading scheme in and tapped it nervously against her thigh. Then,
without Cora saying a word, the door lock released, Thea stepped into
the musty-smelling, shabby hall and made her way up the narrow stairs
towards the top floor.

"Door's open!' she heard as she climbed. There was no greeting and
warmth in Cora's voice. Oh God, Thea thought, I hope I'm doing the right
thing, and she reached Cora's small dark bedsit quicker than she usually
did, only realising at the top that it was because she was without Tom.

"Cora?' Walking in through the open door, she saw that the curtains were
still drawn and that only a dingy table lamp was lit, giving off a
grubby light. Cora had climbed back into bed.

"Hello,' Thea said.

Cora pulled her knees up under the covers and sat with her chin resting
on them, staring at Thea. She didn't reply.

"How was work?"

Cora had a job, six nights a week, stacking shelves for the Co-op. It
was neither stimulating nor well paid but it kept her off the social. '
right,' she said. ' as ever."

"Good - well, I mean, not that good, I suppose, if it's the same as
ever. I mean, boring really.' Thea came across and stood by the bed. She
would have sat, but with the bed occupied there was nowhere else to sit
in the room.

She put the string bag down in front of Cora. ',' she said, Tm sorry for
upsetting you yesterday. You were right, I didn't realise that Hedda
means well and ...' Thea was embarrassed; Cora was staring hard at her
and she felt ridiculous. Perhaps she'd been wrong to come, perhaps she
was assuming far too much. She hesitated for a moment, wondering briefly
if she should abandon this idea and go home but she didn't, she was as
stubborn as Cora. She had made a decision and she would stick to it. ','
she said, braving the stare and summoning all her confidence. ' was a
misunderstanding, you feel strongly about the chance to read and write
and I didn't realise that." "Yeah, well,' Cora said, not adding anything
more. Thea looked at her. The defiance had gone and, without it, she
just seemed sad and vulnerable.

"What it did do though, Cora, was get me thinking."

"Yeah?' Cora leant forward and threw a couple of magazines off the end
of the bed to make room for Thea to sit.

"What about?" Thea tapped the string bag. ',' she said.

Cora was wary. '? What sort of reading?"

Thea opened the bag and took out the flash cards and the reading manual.
This is what Hedda was using for Tom, it's a reading scheme, to teach
basic reading skills." The wariness deepened. Cora said nothing.

"And I was thinking that if you want me to, I could teach you to read
and write with this scheme!' Thea couldn't keep the note of triumph out
of her voice. She was so thrilled with her idea, so filled with the
overwhelming need to help her friend, that she completely missed Cora's
reaction. It was one of acute embarrassment. Throwing the covers back,
Cora jumped out of bed and strode across to the door.

"Cora? Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a pee,' she growled and disappeared, leaving Thea sitting
alone with her flash cards. It was a good fifteen minutes before she
returned, and when she did, she was washed and ready to get dressed.
Picking her underwear up off the chair next to the bed, she put it on
under her dressing gown, then went to the wardrobe to find some clothes.

"Cora?"

She pulled a sweater over her head and reached for her jeans.

"Cora? What did I say this time?' There was genuine distress in Thea's
voice.

Cora turned. ' you think that I'm going to do some poxy reading scheme
that a baby does then you'd better think again!' She walked across to
the bed and shook the covers to straighten them, scattering the flash
cards and books on to the floor. ''m not thick, you know! Anyway, who
told you I couldn't read? Eh?" "No one told me. I just know, that's all.
I know because I can see you struggle whenever you're faced with words
and it doesn't have to be like that. And another thing, it's not a
baby's scheme, it's for any age, all it is is the basics of reading, you
can be five, twenty-five or seventy-five. Frankly, if you want my
opinion, doing it with a five-month-old baby, as I told you yesterday,
is a complete waste of time, but that's another matter. And it's not
poxy! I read through all the stuff last night and it's really good, it's
easy to follow and you could do it standing on your head drinking a pint
of lager!"

"I don't like lager."

"All right, gin and black or whatever other thing you drink!' This was
the longest and most explosive outburst Thea had ever given. She
stopped, drew breath and said, ' think I'm more like my mother than I
realised!' And Cora grudgingly smiled, then knelt to pick the flash
cards up off the floor.

They had been sitting on the floor, next to each other, the reading
scheme between them, for over an hour when Cora put down the book she
was holding and said, ' why'd you do this then?"

"Do what?' Thea was working out tomorrow's lesson, while Cora learnt the
words in her book. She was miles away and it wasn't until Cora said it
again that she looked up.

"Do this? D'you mean teach you to read?"

"Yeah. Nobody has ever done anything for me for free before, ever. No
one cared that much. Teachers never cared when I dropped out of school,
eleven I was and I couldn't even write my name. Mum never cared when I
ran off.

Gordon couldn't give a stuff. So, why you?"

"Why not me?" Cora smiled and cuffed Thea on the arm. ', come on, tell
me. Why? Why d'you do this for me? It's not like you've got anything to
gain, have you?"

"No, I suppose not, except being able to be out with you and not hear
"which way we going?" or "how much is that?" every five minutes.' Again
Cora hit Thea on the arm, this time a bit harder. '! That hurt!' Thea
yelped.

"You really want to know why?' Cora nodded. There was a moment's
silence, then Thea said, ' we're friends."

Cora narrowed her eyes. She hadn't had many friends, none to be
accurate, but it still sounded like a bit of a flimsy explanation.

"What, just because of that? There's nothing else?"

"No. Nothing else."

Cora looked down. She riddled with her hands, turning the book over and
over, staring hard at it, then all of a sudden, she jumped up and dashed
across to her wardrobe.

"Right!' she announced, rummaging through the pile of clobber at the
bottom of it. ''re friends then, are we?"

"Yes.' Thea began to feel uneasy, there was an almost fervent zeal about
Cora's actions.

"Right!' Cora continued to sift, chucking out the odd bit of junk.
Finally, she found what she was looking for.

"Ah ha!' she cried. Then: ' it is, the little beauty!' She threw a box
of what looked like hair colour out behind her and dived back into the
wardrobe for some clothes. She emerged a few minutes later with an
armful of items.

"If we're friends,' she said, ' if you're gonna do all this for me, then
I'm gonna do something for you. OK?"

"Well ... "

"You said we were friends."

"I know, but Cora had crossed to the sink and was filling a washing-up
bowl with warm water. ' buts about it,' she said, plucking the box of
hair colour from the floor. ' you're my mate then you can come here."

"Where? There?"

"Yeah, here.' Cora pointed to the water.

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing much."

"Nothing much that involves a box of hair colour?"

"Yeah, and some hair gel, a bit of make-up and a few choice bits of
clobber."

Thea started to laugh. ' bits of clobber. Oh God, why do I feel suddenly
faint with nerves?"

"Just come here, Miss. Posh Thea Marshall, because I'm gonna change how
you look for ever."

"You are?' Thea took a deep breath; for friendship, this could be make
or break.

"Yes,' Cora said, ' bloody well am!' And she opened the box of chestnut
dye and reached across to the sink for her rubber gloves.

Jake had just got Tom off for a sleep when Hedda came downstairs in her
dressing gown. He knew she didn't have patients that morning, she had
refused her tea and slept in, but he was surprised that she wasn't up
and about by midday, since he had assumed she was going to work for the
afternoon session. He was washing up when she found him. The kitchen was
a mess, Tom's things were all over the place and Jake had a small
dribble of milk all down the sleeve of his shirt. Hedda stood in the
kitchen doorway watching him for several minutes, trying to remember the
man she had married, the man she once knew, but she wasn't sure she
could. Had he changed so much? Or was it her? Hedda just didn't know.

Jake turned to collect the breakfast things from the table and said, ',
hi.' He looked slightly uncomfortable, ill at ease, and Hedda wondered
if it was her presence. ' dressed yet?' he asked.

"No, I thought I'd take a day off,' she answered, coming into the room.
' thought, seeing as we have the house to ourselves, that it might be
nice to spend a bit of time together, get some lunch from the deli, go
to an exhibition maybe?' She smiled. ' to bed?"

Jake felt a knot of tension twist in his stomach. She walked across to
him. ''s been ages, Jake,' she said, reaching up to touch a strand of
his hair, ' we were alone."

Jake nodded. ', Hedda ... "

She kissed him on the mouth and he felt an instant flare of desire. ','
he murmured, pulling back, ''m afraid ...' He stopped. A piercing wail
came through the floor from the bedroom above and Hedda's face froze.
''m afraid that we're not alone,' Jake said. Thea's gone out and I
offered to have Tom for the day."

Suddenly Hedda threw her hands up. ',' she growled through gritted
teeth. ' bloody perfect!"

She turned and walked away from him. ', Jake?' she demanded, facing him
across the room. ' do you do it? Why?"

"I didn't plan it, Hedda, I had no idea that you'd want to take the day
off! I mean, if I'd known, then ...' He shrugged helplessly.

Then what? You'd have organised for us to go to soft play and
Mcdonald's? Oh for God's sake! Why couldn't we have just one day
together, just one day alone, the two of us, like we used to be? That's
all I wanted, Jake, just one day.' She was close to tears and Jake made
a move forward to comfort her.

"No!' she snapped. ', don't come near me, it'll just make it worse!' The
wail upstairs had given way to a full throttle cry and Jake was suddenly
furious, with himself, with Thea and with Hedda. '!' he said. ' won't
come near you!' He brushed past her on his way to the stairs.

"You use Tom as an excuse!' Hedda called after him. ' use Tom and Thea
as an excuse for a life!"

Jake stood at the top of the stairs and turned round.

"Yes,' he said coldly, ' I do, but I don't have much of one with you, do
I?' With that, he walked away to see to Tom.

Chapter Eight.

It was the height of the summer, late one evening, and Hedda had just
arrived home. She had been working long hours for the past few weeks
with a particularly rich but difficult patient and tonight was no
exception. It was after nine by the time she walked in the door and all
she needed was a long hot bath, a stiff drink and the supper which Jake
was preparing downstairs. She didn't need any added stress.

As she came up the stairs with a Scotch in her hand, she noticed that
Thea's bedroom door was ajar and stopped off on the way to the bathroom
to say hello. It was ages since she had had any real contact with Thea;
they had passed on the stairs or spoken briefly over coffee in the
morning, but that was all. It would be nice to catch up, Hedda thought,
pausing outside Thea's room. Maybe I'll ask her if she's looked at the
degree course brochures I've left lying around.

Standing in the doorway, Hedda peered in and saw Thea sitting
cross-legged on the floor in just her underwear, sheer black bra and
thong, drying a head of thick, glossy, now chestnut-coloured hair.

"Hello."

Thea swivelled round and switched the hair-dryer off "Hi, Mum'

Hedda gnpped the doorframe Mum7 Mum7 Where the hell did that come from7
Hedda felt her hackles rise

"Come m 1 was just getting ready to go out'

"Go out7 It's half past nine '

"Yes, there's this club that I'm going to with Cora We don't want to get
there too early' Thea leant across and cleared a space on her bed ''you
want to sit down7'

"Oh, no, no thanks, I'm on my way to run a bath' Hedda watched as Thea
brushed her hair into its style, flicked the hairbrush to turn the ends
under and then spntzed it with hairspray

"Your hair's nice When did you colour it7'

"Ages ago'

"Really7' Hedda was surprised Had she really been that insensitive not
to notice that her daughter had coloured her hair7

"Yes, Cora did it for me She showed me how to dry it too, so that it all
sort of fits my face' Thea lifted her arms to run her hands through her
hair and, unable to stop herself, Hedda gasped Thea followed her gaze to
the red and black snake tattoo on her upper arm and said, "It's OK, it's
fake, a transfer I'm too much of a coward for the real thing' She lifted
her arm a bit higher so as to be able to see the tattoo in the mirror
''s great though, isn't it7'

Hedda swallowed and forced a smile ', great' Stay cool, she told
herself, keep calm ' you've lost weight," she went on ' really suits you
'

"Thanks' Thea stood up and Hedda thought My God, what a body' Thea had
always been full figured, rounded, a bit lumpy, but the roundedness had
gone The full figure had now become voluptuous and sleekly curved She
had the flesh of youth, smooth, firm and unvemed, that perfectly fitted
her skeleton, there were no protruding bones, no sagging muscles Hedda
found herself staring at Thea's breasts and Thea followed her gaze
Blushing, she said, ''s having Tom, they just sort of, erm, grew'

Hedda smiled tightly ',' she managed

"Did you want something7' Thea asked ''s just that I'm going out in
about ten minutes and Hedda felt old She had always prided herself on
not looking her age and certainly not feeling it, but tonight she did
feel it, and more Standing a little straighter, she sucked her tummy in

"I didn't want anything really, just thought I'd say hello,' she replied
weakly

"Thanks' Thea reached for her skirt, a tiny bit of faded denim that she
pulled on and zipped up She sat on the bed and picked up a pair of
fish-net tights ' don't you pop in and see your grandson7' she said '
looks angelic when he's asleep'

Grandson Hedda preferred to refer to him as just Tom, or Thea's baby,
never grandson ', I'll do that, after my bath' The tights went on, then
a pair of black baseball boots and finally another of Jake's old
sweaters, only this one looked sensational It was a thin black cotton
jersey turtle-neck and it clung to the shape of Thea's body in an
unselfconscious but highly provocative way Hedda found herself
swallowing hard again and forcing another smile Thea applied a lipstick,
mulberry pink and fastened some big silver earrings on to her unpierced
lobes.

"You found a colour that suits you then?"

"Oh, what? The lipstick? Yes, you like it?"

Hedda would have preferred something less obviously sexy, something a
bit more subdued, but she nodded and watched Thea stuff the lipstick and
a hairbrush into a small black shiny sixties-style bag, which looked
vaguely familiar, then click it shut. ', I'm ready,' she said.

"Great.' There was no enthusiasm in Hedda's voice. ' sort of club is it
you're going to?' she asked, standing aside to let Thea pass.

"I don't really know. Cora's meeting her boyfriend there and it's in
Soho."

"Soho? Perhaps it's a jazz club."

Thea turned and gave Hedda the most peculiar look.

Hedda felt as if she'd just landed from another planet.

Then her face cleared, she shrugged and made for the stairs. ' very much
doubt it, Mum,' she called as she went down, slinging the bag over her
shoulder. ' likely to be strippers, I'd have thought, than trumpet
players."

"Strip--?"

And as the front door slammed shut and Hedda stood speechless on the
landing, she realised exactly why the bag had looked vaguely familiar.
It was hers.

"Strippers?' Hedda shrieked, stomping down the stairs. '!"

She stormed into the kitchen where Jake sat reading the paper. ' the
hell's going on, Jake? She's going to a bloody strip club!"

Jake looked up over the top of the Guardian. ' she?' He rustled the
paper to straighten the pages, then went back to his article.

"Jake!' Hedda suddenly shouted. Tm talking to you!" "No you're not,' he
said, calmly folding the paper away.

"You are shouting at me and you will wake the baby."

"Sod the bloody baby!' she snapped. ' the hell is going on with that
girl? Dyed hair, tattoos, fish-net tights, black underwear, mini-skirts
and strip joints! For God's sake, Jake! Why didn't you tell me it had
got so out of control?"

"Because it hasn't, Hedda, it's all perfectly normal!"

"Normal? It's that bloody friend Cara--"

"Cora,' Jake corrected.

"Cora then! It's all her fault, it's--"

Jake had stood. He came across to Hedda, gently placed his hands on her
shoulders and eased her down into a chair.

"Sit,' he said, ' I'll get you another drink.' She began to protest but
he held his hands up to silence her and poured a hefty measure of whisky
into a glass. Handing it to Hedda, he said, '. You want to discuss
Thea?"

Hedda nodded. She drank down a large mouthful of Scotch and shuddered as
it hit the pit of her stomach. She waited a few moments, swirling the
amber liquid round and round her glass, then she said, ', Jake? Why have
you let things get like this?"

"Are we talking Thea or us?"

Hedda started. She glanced at him, knowing that they would have to talk
at some point about themselves, but not feeling strong enough to do it
now. Thea,' she answered.

"Why have you let this friendship with Cora get so out of hand?"

"Well, firstly, I don't think it is out of hand and secondly, I think
it's good for Thea, I think it'll help her."

"Good for her? Help her? In what way?"

"Because Cora is tough and bright and she can teach Thea a thing or two,
that's why."

Hedda threw up her hands in dismay. ' know, Jake, I'm beginning to think
that you really have lost it! Teach Thea a thing or two? You have got to
be joking!"

"No, Hedda, sadly I'm not."

"But--"

"If you wait a moment,' Jake cut in, ' I'll tell you why.' He stood,
went over to the sideboard and poured himself a shot of whisky, then he
returned to the table and nursed the drink in his hands for a few
moments.

"All right, I've waited,' Hedda said sharply. ' do you mean?"

"Hedda, we both know Thea's very bright, she's had a good education and
we've taught her everything we can.

She knows her art, she can tell an alto from a soprano and argue
philosophy, but she hasn't got a clue about life. We sent her off to
Oxford and it was like letting her jump in the water without ever having
taught her how to float, let alone swim."

"So what are you saying? That she needs to know about strip joints and
tattoos and looking like a siren when she goes out! For God's sake,
Jake, she's made a big enough mistake already, we don't need her to make
another one!

End up with another baby or high on drugs!"

"But that's exactly it! Cora won't let her make any mistakes because
Cora's got no intention of making any herself! Thea needs to learn, she
needs to find out about herself, about what she likes, about what she's
good at. She's spent her whole life trying to please us, trying to fit
in, do what we wanted--"

"No! Wait a minute, Jake! That's not true. We always encouraged
self-expression, we always tried to be liberal, let her find herself

"Did we? Or did we use that as an excuse just to let her get on with it?
We were pretty wrapped up in ourselves, Hedda, always have been, in our
own separate affairs, our work, our philanthropy!'Jake said the last
word with heavy bitterness and Hedda winced. ' wanted attention, Hedda,
that's all. She wanted to be with her mum and dad, so she did the
opposite to what most teenagers do and bent over backwards to please us.
All that cleaning and cooking and domesticity, doing the things that
neither of us could be bothered to do ourselves.' Jake shook his head.
He drank his whisky and stood to get more. ''you want a top-up?"

Hedda looked at her glass. ' think I might need one," she said.

He brought the bottle over to the table and poured them both another
drink. Jake sat, took a sip of his, then suddenly dropped his head in
his hands. ' Thea," he said bitterly. ' know what she asked me, several
weeks back, completely out of the blue? She asked me if she could call
me Dad. "Jake," she said, "Can I call you Dad?"'

Hedda said nothing.

'"Of course," I said, "if you want to."' He looked up at Hedda. ''you
know what she said then? She said, "I've always wanted to." Just like
that, no anger or remorse, just simply, "I've always wanted to."'

Hedda reached out and touched Jake's hand. ' we go very wrong?' she
asked.

There was a silence, then Jake said, ' don't know.' He removed his hand
and cradled the glass of whisky. ' think we kind of went askew, rather
than wrong. And I think that what we ended up with was pretty much all
down to Thea."

Rebuffed, Hedda' stood. She didn't seem to be able to get through to
Jake. ' that's back off, Hedda,' she said coolly, ' let her be, right?"

Jake stared up at her, amazed at her lack of compassion.

"I don't know if it's back off, Hedda or, more, calm down."

He stopped and took a deep, weary breath. ', I don't think Thea is ever
going to be like you, Hedda, think the same way or want the same things.
I don't think she's ever going to be a soul mate, but surely that's the
whole point, isn't it? To have a strong-minded, intelligent child who
thinks for herself?" Hedda raised an eyebrow. Jake thought he had all
the answers. ' me, Jake,' she said, Tm supposed to be the therapist!'
Leaving her third glass of whisky untouched, she went upstairs for her
bath.

Cora met Thea at the end of Park Road as arranged; equidistant for them
both to the tube.

"You look great!' Cora said, slipping her arm through Thea's as they
made off towards the station. That skirt is absolutely outrageous!"

Thea laughed. Cora was an expert mimic and did a brilliant take-off of
her. ' don't look bad yourself," Thea retaliated.

"Oif Cora nudged her in the ribs. ''t be so ruddy cheeky, you!"

They walked on in companionable silence to the tube; both bought a
ticket and made their way towards the platform. Thea watched Cora
carefully. She stood in front of the tube map and found where they
wanted to go, then she traced the route with her finger and said, ''ve
got to go up to Finsbury Park and get the ...' she hesitated, spelt it
out in her head, then said, The Piccadilly line, is that right?"

Thea nodded and covered her swelling pride in Cora's hard work and
ability. Then?' she asked.

"It's eight stops and we get off at Leicester Square. We can walk from
there."

Thea patted her on the back affectionately. Cora hadn't memorised it,
she had read it off the map. ' done,' she said; then, not without
wanting to make too much fuss: "Come on, let's get going.' They headed
off to the escalator and made their way down on to the platform as the
train pulled in. Moments later, they sat side by side and looked at
their reflections in the glass window opposite. Cora took out a roll of
mints and offered one across. Thea took it, popped it in her mouth and
said, ' where exactly are we going?"

Cora dug in her handbag, a pink nylon retro affair, and pulled out a
scrap of paper. ''s a club, dunno what one, probably a dive, mind you,
but Ewert's got a job as a bouncer and he told us to come along an' see
him. Said he'd get us a few free drinks."

She handed the scrap over to Thea and as Thea looked at it she realised
that Cora hadn't been able to read it; the handwriting was terrible '
says ' Thea looked up puzzled, she hadn't a clue what it meant ' says
Manny's Muff Parlour' She looked at Cora ' doesn't sound very promising
"Promising" Cora snatched the paper away from her and stared hard at it,
then crumpled it into a tight little ball The bastard1' she cned The
bloody bastard1 Promising' Thea, it's a bloody strip joint1'

"A stnp joint7 What, you mean--"

"Yes1 Strippers' The bastard' How could he do this to me1 Taking the
piss, that's what he was doing, inviting me for a night up West and
getting me all excited, and all the time knowing that it was one of
those sex dives that you read about in the News of the World Jesus' I'll
kill him, that's what, I'll bloody kill him' He's trying to make a fool
out of me1' Cora jumped up and stared at the tube map up above the seats
opposite ''re not going,' she announced Tm not taking you to some poxy,
crummy dive where--"

"Cora, calm down'1 Thea urged, taking her arm and gently pulling her
back into her seat ''s looking at us Come on, it can't be that bad, I
imagine it--"

"Have you ever been to Soho, Thea7' Cora interrupted

"No, but--"

"Well, take my word for it, it'll be worse than you imagine, much worse"
Cora shook her head ' hell' Here we are, all dressed up on a Friday
night and nowhere to go Typical1 I feel a right blooming jerk"

"Well, let's go then,' Thea suddenly said ''s just brave it out Besides,
what's a few naked women7 We see it every day in the mirror, they
haven't got anything that we haven't got1'

Cora turned to Thea aghast ' know something?

You're weird, that's what you are1 Weird* You've got no idea, have you7'

Thea shook her head ' '

Cora stared at her and narrowed her eyes ' you really game for it, Thea7
I mean, you wouldn't be shocked and disgusted and all that7'

"Probably But I'm all dressed up for a night out and I want to go and
have a few drinks '

"You do realise that Ewert's trying to make a fool out of us, don't
you7'

"So7 Let's go and pretend we do it all the time That'll put his nose out
of joint1'

Cora looked sidelong at Thea as if she couldn't quite believe her '
think you could do that7 I mean, it'll be pretty tacky stnppers, maybe
even a sex act, loads of oiks jeenng You really reckon you're up to it7'

Thea didn't know, but one thing being with Cora had taught her was that
if she didn't try she wasn't ever going to find out Til give it a go,'
she said ' to spite Ewert'

At last Cora smiled ' right then,' she said, squeezing Thea's arm ' to
spite Ewert'

The club, when they finally found it, was a bit of a surprise for both
of them Of course, Thea had absolutely no experience of stnp clubs and
had never been to Soho before, but Cora had been expecting somewhere
dark, dingy and scruffy, so the sleek narrow staircase, its walls lined
with red velvet and up-lit with Art Nouveau lamps, that led to a dimly
lit, intimate and smoky interior was nothing like she had imagined They
met Ewert on the door and he escorted them in.

Thea had lingered over the posters outside while Cora gave Ewert what
she described as a ' sandwich'. They advertised Cheryl the sorceress,
trying to look glamorous in bits of snakeskin, who did something
peculiar with a drugged and blank-looking snake. They gave Thea some
indication of what was to come.

The club itself was everything its owner Manni - second generation
Spanish, short, rotund and balding - had wanted it to be. It was kitsch
in the extreme: velvet walls, gilt mirrors, a bar lined with buttoned
pink satin and hearts everywhere - gold, purple, pink; velvet, feather,
satin and lace. It was frequented by city types, businessmen, ' select
clientele', as Manni liked to call them, but to Cora it was still a
strip joint and no amount of tarting it up would change that. She
finally turned towards the stage just as Cheryl came on with a snake
that looked as if it had died some time ago, and began to gyrate
obscenely. As they ordered their drinks, she murmured, '!' then, out of
Ewert's earshot: That is disgusting!" Thea said nothing; she just
watched. The act was not really disgusting, more pathetic, but that
didn't stop the audience. There was a stag night in, young men in suits,
and as Cheryl did her bit, appalling as it was, they egged each other on
to stuff fivers and tenners and the odd twenty-pound note into her long
black boots, which, along with a snakeskin thong, were the only items of
clothing that she kept on.

"You like it?' Ewert appeared, smiling, with their drinks.

"It's unusual,' Thea said. Td fancy the snake more than I'd fancy her
though." Ewert laughed. Thea smiled, then turned away. She didn't like
him - how could she, knowing that he toot life's stresses and strains
out on Cora's face? But she could see why Cora did. He was attractive in
a macho, musculai way, exuding huge amounts of testosterone that would
overpower most women.

"I think your mate's getting turned on there, Cora,' he said loudly. '
reckon she likes a bit of totty."

"Shut your face, Ewert!' Cora snapped.

In a split second Ewert had swung round on Cora and grabbed her wrist.
"What'd you say?' he snarled.

Cora's eyes registered panic, but her face stayed exactly the same. Thea
held her breath for a moment, completely helpless, then she said, '
think you're right.' And she reached out to touch Ewert, running her
finger gently along his tight, sinewy forearm. He released Cora and
looked at her. ' fascinates me,' she went on. The men love it, don't
they?" Ewert smiled. His violence seemed to erupt out of nowhere and
evaporate just as instantly. ', they love it. Mr. Rodriguez, the boss,
he gets a lot of them city types in, they come in to let off steam,
Friday nights, stag do's, after a big day's trading. They got money to
burn."

"Is it always Cheryl?"

"Nah, it's changed on a weekly basis. Why, you like her?" Thea smiled. '
please. As I said, I'd rather have the snake."

Ewert touched her thigh under the table. ' bet you would."

Thea moved her leg slightly, took a sip of her drink, then stood up. '
need to go to the loo,' she said. ' I think you two could do with a bit
of time alone."

"Nah, I don't think--"

"Yeah,' Cora said sharply to Ewert. ' could."

"You want me to show you where the toilets are?' he asked hopefully.

"No thanks, I'll find my own way.' And darting off before Ewert had a
chance to stop her, Thea manoeuvred her way through the tables, ignoring
the catcalls from the men, and found her way backstage to the cramped,
dark and completely inadequate ladies' toilet.

"Oi!"

Just about to go in, Thea stopped and spun round towards the voice.
Cheryl with the snake was standing behind her, naked but for the thong
and boots, with a film of sweat over her chest and upper arms. This
bloody snake weighs a ton,' she said, dropping it down on to the floor.
There was a hefty thud and Thea stepped back a pace.

"It's all right, it's dead. Bloody thing went and popped its clogs a few
months ago so I had it stuffed.' She turned and unlocked a door behind
her. ' sight cheaper, I can tell you, it ate me out of house and home!
Here ...' She swung the door open. ' can't use them toilets, by the way,
they're blocked and the management's only fixed the men's. Typical!' She
shrugged. ', thought I'd better let you know."

"Oh, right, thanks. You wouldn't know where I could find one, would you?
I'm desperate."

Cheryl shrugged. She stared at Thea for a few moments, then, making her
mind up suddenly, she said, ''ve got me own loo in here. Come on, you
can use that. But don't let anyone else know. I don't want all and
sundry traipsing through my dressing room for a pee."

"No, of course not. Erm, thanks."

Cheryl bent and heaved the stuffed snake on to her shoulder, then led
the way into her dressing room.

"Don't get many women in here, that's why the management don't do
nothing about the toilets. You a friend o Ewert's?"

"Sort of. Not me really, my friend Cora, she's his girlfriend."

"Oh, poor cow!' Cheryl plonked the snake over a chaii and sat down to
unzip her boots. ' on,' she said, carefull} removing every note that had
been stuffed in there and laying them in a bundle on the side. She then
rubbed her sore feet and nodded towards a grey door at the end of the
dressing room. ' yourself." Thea did as she was told, peed as quickly as
she could and washed her hands. She came out to find Cheryl rubbing cold
cream over her face, neck and chest.

"How far does the make-up go down?' she asked.

"All over, pretty much. It's a bugger to get off an' all."

Cheryl stopped what she was doing and reached for a tissue.

"Have a pew if you like,' she said.

"No, I'm fine thanks.' Thea was fascinated. ' you mind if I asked you a
few questions?"

"It's a free country. Ask away, lovey; don't know if I can answer them
though.' Cheryl worked quickly with the cold cream and tissues and her
natural skin colour began to emerge. It was fair and slightly blemished,
with a grey tinge to it that the lighting did nothing to enhance. Her
nipples, Thea saw, had been rouged.

"How long have you been stripping?"

-'Dunno. Let me think - about five years.' Cheryl began work on her
bottom with the cold cream, which Thea had to admit was in good shape.

"How do you get bookings?"

"I've got a booker, he does it all for me, for a hell of a whack an'
all! Still, it means I get no crappy places and he negotiates the fee.
The more I get, the more he gets."

Cheryl stopped what she was doing and looked Thea over briefly. '? You
wanna have a go?"

Thea flushed. ' no, I ...' She put her hands up to her face and Cheryl
laughed.

"Nah, haven't got the bottle. You need quite a bit of that I can tell
you, some of them blokes out there are shits and you gotta be able to
handle them."

"Did you make much tonight?"

"Oi! Mind your own business!"

Again Thea flushed. ', I'm just curious, that's all.

They get pretty carried away with the notes, don't they?"

"Yeah, pretty.' Cheryl finished wiping off the last of the cold cream
and screwed the top on to the jar. She then rubbed herself all over with
a towel and began to dress.

Pulling on a pair of grey track-suit bottoms over large white knickers,
she said, They're all pissed, that's why."

She tugged a blue sweatshirt over her head and ran her fingers through
her hair to reshape it. ''s about one-forty, one-fifty, if you must
know."

"What? In just one show?"

Cheryl tied a scarf round her neck, peered forward to the mirror to
check her face and finally turned to Thea.

She took a packet of cigarettes off the dressing table and lit one up.
', just the one.' Raising an eyebrow, she said, "I bloody well earn it,
though. It's no more than I deserve and my booker don't get any of it."

"No, no obviously not."

Cheryl was ready to go. She placed the snake in a sports bag, curling it
carefully so as not to damage it and zipped the bag up. The remainder of
her stuff, the small snakeskin outfit and boots, she folded and put into
another holdall along with her make-up and cold cream. ' gotta go,' she
said. ' mum's got me kid and I don't want to be late tonight."

Thea glanced at her watch; it was eleven-thirty. She followed Cheryl out
into the passage backstage and waited for her to lock the dressing room.
' d'you get started then?' she asked quickly.

"Dancing in a pub - you know, topless.' Cheryl smiled, smoked the last
of the cigarette and dropped it on to the floor. She didn't bother to
grind it out, but left it glowing as she turned to go. Thea felt obliged
to tread on it.

"Money for old rope, that,' she said, ' about showing me tits. At least
this is art, there's a lot more to it than you'd think."

"God, I'm sure,' Thea answered, although she seriously doubted the art
bit. ', thanks, Cheryl,' she said, ' the chat and use of the loo."

"No probs, love.' Cheryl turned and looked at Thea, full length, from
her breasts down to her ankles. ' gotta nice little figure,' she said. '
you ever want to have a go let me know."

Thea blushed deeply. ',' she stammered, ' will, erm, thanks." "Right you
are then,' Cheryl said. Ta ta!' And heaving the bag with the snake in up
over her shoulder, she smiled, waved and walked off. Thea watched her
go. She stood there for a moment, breathing in the damp, musty smell,
then she rotated her hips, did a pelvic thrust just like Cheryl's and
laughed out loud. She wandered back out front, dodged the catcalls and
groping hands a second time and made her way back to her seat.

Later, on the way home, as Thea told Cora about Cheryl, she had to admit
that the whole thing fascinated her.

"Bleeding old trollop!' Cora exploded. ''t know why you gave her the
time of day even! I think it's disgusting, I really do, and to think
that Ewert's working in that dive seeing all those shows night in night
out makes me bloody sick, it really does!' She dug her hands deep into
her pockets and kicked a small stone on the pavement.

The show was pretty tacky, I have to admit,' Thea said, 'but I don't
think stripping necessarily has to be. 1 mean, if it was done properly,
with a bit of style and class, I reckon it could be quite good fun. And
there's a hell of a lot of money involved as well. Cheryl probably makes
about two hundred and fifty pounds a night, with tips."

Two hundred and fifty quid? For that old tart! You've gotta be kidding!"

"No, that's what she said." "Yeah, well, what she told you and the truth
are two different things, I bet!' Cora walked on a couple of paces then
stopped. ', what d'you mean: with a bit of style and class it could be
quite good fun?! You're surely not thinking of taking up stripping?"

"No, of course not!' Thea stopped too. ', not immediately anyway!"

Cora was aghast. She swung round, not knowing what to say and suddenly
Thea laughed. ' you!' she teased.

"No,' Cora said, not laughing at all. ' are joking, aren't you? I mean,
you wouldn't do all that stuff that Cheryl did tonight, would you? Not
seriously?"

Thea linked her arm through Cora's and they began walking again. ' don't
know to be honest, Cora,' she replied. ''s very good money and Cheryl's
only the middle market. Imagine what you could earn if you had a really
class act."

There ain't nothing classy about taking your clothes off for a bunch of
pricks and a boot full of fivers." Thea sighed. ', maybe you're right.'
They walked on in silence for a while, then Thea said quietly, ' maybe
you're not."

Despite her outraged sensibility, Cora had to smile.

Chapter Nine.

The following morning, Thea was up early with Tom and was sitting in the
kitchen in an old faded silk kimono that she had bought for a pound in
the Oxfam shop when Hedda came down, dressed, perfumed and ready for her
Saturday morning clinic.

Hedda stood in the doorway for a few moments, staring at her daughter
before she made her presence known. She was astonished all over again by
the difference in Thea in such a short space of time. Had Jake been
right? Had Thea been in such desperate need of attention that she had
deliberately denied herself to fit in with what she thought her parents
wanted? Or was it that only now she had developed beauty, as some women
do, and a beauty that was intrinsically bound up with confidence and
style?

Hedda sighed and as she did so, Thea glanced up and said, ', Mum. Would
you like some tea?"

Hedda shuddered as she had done last night at the word "Mum'. ' thanks,'
she replied hastily, Til make myself some coffee." Thea continued to
flick through her magazine - some banal woman's affair Hedda noted -
while Hedda made her coffee: strong, with a dash of milk but no sugar.
She sipped, glanced at the time and felt instantly irritated by her
constant clock watching. Thea was languidly sipping her tea, oblivious
to any of the pressures and strains of ordinary life, and here was
Hedda, slurping down a quick coffee, dashing off to the tube (which was
sweaty and oppressive in the heat of mid summer), working long hours,
stressed and, to cap it all, having to deal with the highly disruptive
effects of a small baby. Hedda's jaw tightened, the back of her neck
tensed and she felt the beginnings of a stress headache at the base of
her skull.

Thea?' she asked sharply, ' are your plans today?"

Thea looked up. Tom gurgled in his seat by her side and she bent to
offer him a rattle before she said, ' much. See Cora, I expect, maybe go
swimming with Tom." Then bending forward again, she murmured, ' you like
that, darling Tom? A little swim with Mummy and Cora?' She smiled as Tom
gurgled and Hedda found herself grinding her teeth with resentment.

"Well,' she said, before she could stop herself, ' think it's about time
that you started to think more clearly about what you do with your time,
Thea. I think' -- Hedda glared down at Tom -- ' it's about time we
sorted a nursery for that young man and got you back into full-time
education!" Thea looked up. That young man?' She smiled at Hedda, not
understanding at all the depth of Hedda's mood. ''s a little baby, Mum,
hardly ready for nursery, are you, my little darling?"

Thea!' Hedda suddenly snapped, ' we please have a two-way conversation
for once, without you constantly having to include a six-month-old baby!
I was not asking you, Thea, I was telling you, that you have to start
thinking about your future. You either have to get yourself a job or go
back to college! I will not have you idling round the house, doing
aerobics, spending your cash in Soho and hanging out with an illiterate
nobody! And,' Hedda added, 'whatever you choose, Thea, Tom is going into
a nursery, there is no other option!"

Thea sat tight-lipped throughout this outburst and stared down at her
hands. By her feet Tom's gurgling had stopped; he frowned as, perceptive
as young babies are to moods, he sensed the anger and stress in the
room.

Hedda gulped down more of her coffee, then chucked the remainder of it
down the sink. ' have to go to work," she said. ' of us do, it would
seem, but I have left some degree course brochures in the living room
for you to look through and I suggest that you begin with them and then
start going through the Yellow Pages for full-time nursery care."

Still Thea didn't look up.

Thea? I am talking to you!"

"No you're not,' Thea said, completely unaware that only twelve hours
earlier Jake had said exactly the same thing.

"You are shouting at me."

Hedda reined in a sudden, inexplicable anger and turned to leave. ' will
see you tonight,' she said, as calmly as she could. Til look forward to
hearing how you got on!' And, walking into the hall, she picked up her
briefcase and slammed out of the house.

Thea was left alone. She let out a huge sigh, then bent to gather up
Tom. Cradling him in her arms, she breathed in the wonderfully sweet
skin smell that babies have and closed her eyes. Thea's transformation
was complete. What had started with no sense of reality, with no clear
idea of what it all meant, was ending in one sure and determined path.
There would be no going back to college and no job that involved Tom in
full-time nursery. She hadn't a clue what she was going to do, bar one
immediate task. Taking Tom into the sitting room, Thea snatched up the
small pile of university brochures that Hedda had left so obviously
around and took them out to the back of the house. There she lifted the
lid on the dustbin and dumped them in. That done, she smiled. Now she
had the rest of her life to get on with.

Thea still wasn't dressed by the time Jake came down, but that sort of
thing didn't bother him. In fact, he liked it, it was a relief after all
the years he had spent going to work, leaving Thea dressed and ready for
school, her apron on, tackling some grisly task like cleaning the oven
before she had to catch her lift.

"Good morning!'Jake said. Tom asleep, is he?' He crossed to the sink to
put the kettle on and stood waiting for it to boil. ''re you up to
today, sweetheart?' he asked, making himself a coffee and crossing to
the kitchen table with the paper. He had taken to using terms of
endearment to Thea, terms that he had never used in the past because
Hedda thought them derogatory and chauvinist, terms which now gave him
extraordinary pleasure.

Tm meeting Cora for her reading lesson, and then I thought ...' Thea
stopped. She had been doing a great deal of thinking in the two hours
since Hedda had left for work, but perhaps now wasn't the right time to
talk about it. The pause was long enough to make Jake glance up from the
paper.

Thought what?' he asked.

"Nothing much. Look, Dad, what d'you think of strippers?"

Thea enquired, as casually as she could. ' you approve or disapprove?"

Jake put the paper down. '! Good Lord, what a question! Why on earth do
you ask?"

"I don't know. Just curious, I suppose."

"Oh, well, I don't think I approve or disapprove really.

I suppose for some it's a way of earning money, but I don't think it's a
particularly nice way, I should think it's pretty humiliating and tacky
most of the time.' Alarm bells had started to ring in his head and Jake
could hardly think what he was saying. Strippers? God, i/Hedda heard
this conversation she'd blo\v a gasket! Strippers? What the hell was
Thea thinking about? Had she been to a strip dub last night? Jake
swallowed down a mouthful of coffee and said, ', what's brought this up?
You weren't at a strip club last night, were you?"

"No, of course not! Nothing's brought it up, I just wondered."

Thea hadn't wanted to lie, but she didn't see the point in stirring
things up, not just yet.

"If it's done tastefully,' Jake went on, feeling slightly better, '
suppose one could argue that stripping is valid in its own right.' He
felt that he had at least to be fair on the subject. ' might even call
it an art form.' He smiled and picked up the newspaper.

Thea waited a few moments, then said, ''you mind if I look through your
jazz collection this afternoon, Dad?"

Jake was taken aback; Thea had never expressed an interest in any music
other than classical. This had to be a step forward. ' course not!' he
exclaimed. ' fact, I'd love you to! We can look at it together with Tom,
play him some quality music, get him started early!"

"Very early!' Thea said, smiling. Thanks, I'd like that."

That established, she left Jake to his paper and finally went upstairs
to shower and dress.

Once dressed, with Tom settled happily with Jake, Thea left for Cora's a
couple of hours early, intending to hit the Portobello Road before she
did anything else. She had her savings - not a great deal, about
twenty-five pounds, but probably enough for what she wanted. There was a
stall there that sold antique clothes and she wanted to have a good old
rummage round. She had an idea, a good solid idea, but before she tested
it on anyone, she needed to see that she could assemble all the parts,
see that it could, if given the time and the energy, work.

So, in the Portobello Market, chatting to the stall holder, Thea
carefully worked through a basket of clothes, pulling out the odd item
that interested her and bargaining hard for the sale price. She wanted
something specific too, which the stall-holder didn't have, said he
hardly ever came across.

However, he thought Thea was an attractive girl, so he gave her the
number of a woman he knew who specialised and told her to give his name
as a reference. He also asked Thea for a drink and she was so surprised
that she flushed deep red and stammered that she'd like that but would
have to see about a baby-sitter. Somehow, after that comment, he found
he was rather busy for the next few weeks and it was impossible to fix a
date. Thea paid for her items, he put them in an old carrier and she
went on her way. She may have been naive but she wasn't stupid. Next
time she would definitely not mention the baby-sitting.

Cora was still asleep when Thea arrived at her bedsit.

Thea rang, waited a few minutes, then decided to come back later. She
scribbled a note on a scrap of paper from her bag and went to the phone
box up the road. She rang the number she'd been given earlier, spoke to
the woman and made an appointment to see her in half an hour. She didn't
have a shop, she kept her stuff in the back room of her flat and that
was in Latimer Road.

"Bugger.' Thea muttered on hanging up. It was another journey across
town, almost back to where she had just come from. She took out her A -
Z and looked up the address, then she made her way back to the tube and
took a train across to Netting Hill.

The flat Thea was looking for was on the ground floor of a tall white
Regency building with a black glossed double front door and a shiny -
obviously daily polished brass doorknob and bell. Thea rang, waited,
then, curious, peered through the glass panel in the door into a long
wide hallway with cream walls, gilt mirrors and a black and white tiled
floor. There was the crackle of a voice through the intercom; Thea
jumped, regained her composure, gave her name and the door release went.
Stepping inside, she waited nervously by the door and wished that she
had worn something smarter.

"Hello? Thea Marshall?"

Thea turned. A mahogany door at the end of the hall had opened and a
women - probably in her early seventies Thea guessed - stood just inside
it. She was tall and well built, the rounded curve of her hips and
stomach emphasised by a wide black suede belt that was pulled in tight
around her full waist and gave rise to a fold of flesh over the top of
it. It was fastened with a large gold buckle that matched equally large
gold earrings and a scarf loop holding a fine peacock green chiffon
cravat. She looked extraordinary, a face and body obviously aged but an
attitude that had stayed determinedly young. She wore blue, a bright,
intense periwinkle blue, wool trousers and a silk shirt, the fabric
stretched over her ample bosom, gaping slightly at the buttons, and her
hair was white, swept back off her face and stiffly lacquered into a
neat chignon at the back.

"Come on, dear,' she called, ''t look so sheepish."

Thea moved across the hall towards the woman and noticed the ropes of
pearls, five of them, falling heavily into the dip between her breasts.
' Heally,' the woman said, extending a plump, blue-veined hand. ' to
meet you dear. Thea, is it? Not short for Dorothea by any chance?

No, probably not, you don't look like a Dorothea, it's not a very
popular name nowadays, I shouldn't think." Dolly opened the door a bit
wider and smiled. Her lips were painted a deep magenta and she had
yellowing but immaculate teeth. ', well, come on in and we'll have a
look at these clothes. Who did you say you worked for? Not one of those
little independent studios I hope, they're so pushy and they never pay
on time, oh dear me, not at all good, wouldn't have happened when I was
in the business but then there were only the big ones you know. You only
ever counted if you worked for one of the big ones."

Thea was led through a dark hall into the most extraordinary set of
rooms, three of them, that stretched into each other through square
arches hung with jewelled beaded curtains pulled to one side. There was
a chandelier in the room where she now stood and even unlit it
glistened, catching any ray of light and bouncing it off onto the walls.
The walls themselves were covered, from ceiling to skirting, entirely in
pictures. There were paintings, prints, sketches, photographs, cartoons
and row upon row of framed theatre posters. There was a fireplace, white
marble, with its mantelpiece crowded with tiny pill boxes, several Art
Nouveau bronze figures, faded sepia postcards, snapshots and the odd
gilt-edged invitation.

And finally there was the furniture, Louis XV chairs, card tables
crammed with porcelain, a long faded yellow silk sofa with a deep
braided silk fringe and the most incongruous chaise, covered in purple
brocade and finished with deep red velvet cushions.

Thea stood amazed.

"Ah, you like the chaise,' Dolly said. ' many do but I can tell by the
look on your face that it doesn't shock you.

It's as ugly as hell, of course, but it belonged to Max, my husband. He
was an artist, not well known, mind you, but he made a good living from
the kind of work he did.' She came across and patted the back of the
chaise. ' in very handy this chaise did, provided exactly the right sort
of atmosphere for painting portraits of naked mistresses."

Suddenly she let out a loud, throaty chuckle. ' in very handy for other
things too but that would be telling, now wouldn't it!"

Thea still stood amazed; she hadn't been able to utter a single word
yet.

"So, what can I do for you, Thea? You said that you wanted to look at my
things. Is there any particular period that you're interested in?"

"Well, erm, yes there is. Victorian, actually."

"Ah, Victorian, how fortunate! I've lots of Victorian! What studio did
you say you were from?"

"Studio? Oh, erm, the thing is, Mrs. Really, I'm not exactly from a
studio, this is a private sale, I, erm ...' Thea broke off, not at all
sure how to continue.

Dolly narrowed her eyes. She stared at Thea for some time, taking in her
whole appearance and making Thea anxious. Then she said, ' don't usually
do retail, I can't have any old body coming in off the streets to nose
around, not at my age, not with the things I've got here, it's the
security aspect, I mean ...' She stopped, pursed her lips and shook her
head. There was an uncomfortable silence as she looked Thea briefly up
and down again, then suddenly, as if she'd just decided something, she
said, ' what the heck! You're here now, you might as well get on with
it!

Come on, come into the back room and have a good look."

She led the way through the archway towards the room at the very back.
', and it's Dolly by the way, no one's ever called me Mrs. Heally ...'
She laughed her deep, hoarse chuckle. ' deserved the respect some might
say!' The laugh continued. ' they'd be quite right too!"

The room at the back was long and narrow with French doors at the end.
It too was hung with pictures so close together that hardly any of the
wall could be seen. But there was no furniture, just rails and rails of
clothes and, underneath the clothes, racks of shoes and hats. Thea
stared. She took in the evening dresses, the translucent, bead-covered
gauze shifts, layers of organza, films of silk, but she couldn't see
anything else that resembled normal clothing. There were no coats, day
dresses or suits. She glanced behind her at Dolly, was about to ask,
when Dolly said, ' that rail, Edwardian over there and we work our way
up to modern day - well, sixties anyway, up the wall and along."

Thea turned to the sixties rail: thigh-length vinyl boots, lace-up
leather corsets, sparkling G-strings, feather-trimmed bikinis hardly the
size of a postage stamp and realised, with a sharp intake of breath,
exactly what sort of clothes Dolly Heally collected and sold. She
flushed with embarrassment, her heart hammered in her chest and she
began to slammer some sort of exit line. ', erm, I don't think ...' Then
suddenly Thea stopped. On the Edwardian rail she had just spotted a
whalebone corset with tiny hooks and eyes at the back. Underneath it,
Dolly had put a pair of creamy silk and lace camiknickers and hung fine
silk stockings alongside. It was perfect, exactly what she had imagined
and it purged her of all embarrassment. That is wonderful," she said,
pointing to the corset. ''s just what I had been thinking of."

Dolly, who had been watching Thea's face closely and who, despite
seventy-two years, never missed a trick, said, "I see.' She walked
across to the rail and took down the underwear. ' you like to try it
on?"

"Oh, erm, yes, yes please."

"Good.' Dolly drew a velvet curtain across a brass curtain pole hanging
in the corner. ' can change here, it makes a nice little dressing room,'
she said. ' while you're doing that, I'll put the kettle on for coffee
and get the full-length mirror out.' She handed Thea the underwear, then
bent, slowly and arthritically, to pull a pair of cream silk Edwardian
shoes from under the rail. '.' She put them in Thea's hands. They were
exquisite: narrow-toed, with a small heel and a strap across the ankle
fastened with a pearl button. These'll make sense of it all, my dear,'
she said. She turned to leave the room. ' can't wait to see how it all
looks,' she remarked, shifting a gilt mirror out of a corner. ' then' -
she glanced over her shoulder on her way out and Thea was certain that
she had winked - ', Thea sweetie,' she continued, ' can talk about your
act!"

Behind the velvet curtain, Thea rolled the silk stockings up her thighs,
pulled on the garters and adjusted them into place. She slipped on the
shoes and took the corset off the hanger, held it round her and reached
behind to fasten the hooks and eyes.

"You all right there, Thea?' Dolly called from behind the curtain. ''ve
got coffee. It's Turkish, I do hope you like Turkish. Not many do but I
love it, I won't make anything else."

Turkish is fine,' Thea called. ', I can't seem to reach these hooks on
the back, is there any chance you could do them for me?"

"Course, sweetie, come on out."

Thea drew back the curtain and stepped into the room.

Dolly raised her eyebrows. ' Lord!' she exclaimed.

"Oh no! Do I look ridiculous?"

Dolly stood aside and let Thea get to the mirror. ', lovey,' she said. '
isn't quite the word that springs to mind."

Thea peered at herself. ', I see what you mean.' The effect was deeply
erotic, in an old-fashioned, unselfconscious way.

It simply looked as if Thea had been caught with her clothes off and it
was this innocence that created the effect.

Thea turned and Dolly fastened the corset. It was tight around her waist
and made the most of the curve of her hips. It also swelled her ample
breasts and gave her the most spectacular cleavage. Thea began to
giggle.

"Your problem's going to be getting it off,' Dolly said, scrutinising
Thea from top to bottom. ' could lace it and leave the laces loose so
that once the top one is undone the whole thing slides down over your
hips, but it wouldn't have the same effect, the same tightness over the
waist and the spectacular bust."

Thea had stopped giggling and was staring at Dolly. ' did you--?"

"Instinct!' Dolly interrupted her. She came across, knelt down and,
straightening one of the silk stockings, said, ' it this way, Thea my
love, if you hadn't had stripping in mind then I think I might have
tried to convince you.' She smiled and eased herself straight again. Her
knees creaked and she pulled a face. ' it myself for years before I got
into the theatre proper. Not the sort of stuff that goes on nowadays, of
course, not all this rude rubbish, gyrating hips and all sorts. No,
proper stripping, that's what I did, a strip-tease act, taking my
clothes off carefully and artistically and leaving something to the
imagination at the end.' She smiled. ' to get them going as well.

Brought the house down once, Portsmouth it was, the Aldbry Theatre. I
turned my back to give the sightly view of my bare behind, then turned,
and covered the essentials with a large straw picture hat. As I walked
sideways to the music, I went and missed my step, tripped and dropped
the bloody hat! A roar went up out front, so I smiled, turned, bent over
to give them the nicest perspective, retrieved my hat and walked off
stage!"

Thea's mouth had dropped open.

"My dressing room was chock-a-block with flowers for weeks afterwards,
even after I'd moved on with the tour."

Dolly gave one of her chuckles. The florists of Portsmouth loved me,
every time I returned after that, they sold out of blooms!' Dolly walked
across the room and took a large hat off a hat-stand. ''ve got a natural
sexiness, Thea, I saw it at once. Born to strip, some might say!'
Laughing again, Dolly handed her the hat. ', put this on, hair up." Thea
did as she was told and piled her hair up inside the hat.

"Now take it off,' Dolly commanded. ', and let your .hair fall down,
turning your head slightly to release it." Again Thea did as she'd been
asked. '!' Dolly said. ''re a natural! If you move in time to the music
as well as you move normally then you'll be spectacular!

Now, do it again and have a look at yourself."

Thea turned to the mirror, piled her hair up under the hat, then,
watching her reflection, took the hat off, letting her shoulder-length
hair tumble down her neck. Dolly clapped her hands.

"Bravo!' She took the hat and lay it on a chair beside the mirror. ''s a
silk robe over there, pop it on and we can have our coffee, there's a
good girl.' Thea took the silk wrap off its padded hanger and
disappeared behind the curtain. ' then,' Dolly called, ' can tell me all
about your plans and I can tell you - because I may be old and a bit
saggy round the ass, Thea sweetie, but I still know what's what - I can
tell you whether or not your plans will work! How does that sound?"

Thea appeared, underwear over her arm, the silk wrap barely concealing
her young curvaceous body. ' sounds a bit bewildering,' she answered
honestly. ' only came here to see if I could pick up the odd bit of
underwear."

"And you'll leave with half an act under your arm,' Dolly said. ' a bad
day's work, I'd say!' And she laughed once more, only this time Thea
laughed with her.

Cora was up and waiting for her by the time Thea arrived at her bedsit.
The windows on the top floor were open and she was sitting by one, her
face in the sun as Thea crossed the street to her building.

"Hey! Thea!"

Thea glanced up. '. How are you?"

"Fine! All the better for seeing you!"

They both laughed; it was a corny in-joke between them.

"Don't come up,' Cora called, Til come down! We can do my reading in the
park, it's too nice a day to be stuck inside!"

"OK,' Thea called back. Til wait here for you."

Moments later, Cora was down in the street. She had her books and her
small pencil case, her sunglasses and a tube of suntan cream.

"Thought we might get a bit of a tan in the park, kill two birds with
one stone, so to speak!' She held up the sun lotion. ' my bikini on
underneath,' she said.

"You haven't! You can't concentrate and sunbathe at the same time!"

"Course I can!' Cora disagreed. ' on." Thea smiled and they linked arms,
walking off towards the park at the far end of the street. ', what you
been up to this morning, I thought you'd be here ages ago."

This and that,' Thea said.

"Oh yeah?' Cora nudged her hard in the ribs. ' sort of this and that?"

Til tell you in the park and only once we've done some work." "Blimey!'
Cora said, pulling a face. ' were right, you know."

"Really? About what?"

"You are more like your mother than you realised!"

Laughing, Thea nudged her back, also hard in the ribs, and made Cora
yelp.

The reading and writing done, Cora lay on her back in the park,
sunglasses on and her skirt hitched up round her hips to let the sun get
at her legs. She was fair-skinned, her hair, before it had been so
interfered with, was a light blonde and her legs had a down of almost
invisible white hairs. She had taken her T-shirt off too, to reveal a
small triangle of bikini top that just covered her breasts.

"So,' she said, making Thea jump. ' you been up to that's so secretive
then?' She didn't turn her head or move a muscle and Thea had thought
she was asleep.

"Well ...' Thea had been reading and now looked up from the paper. She
tucked her knees up under her and hugged them. ''s a bit of a long story
actually."

"Oh yeah?' Cora rolled on to her side and looked at Thea.

"Go on."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to tell you yet."

Cora gently pinched her leg. '"I'm not sure I want to tell you yet ...
"' she mimicked. ', what's the big secret?

Blimey, Miss. High and Mighty! Not ready to tell me--" "All right, all
right!' Thea interrupted. ' you'll listen though and won't go flying off
the handle or jumping to the wrong conclusions."

"Oh blimey, this sounds serious. All right, I promise!"

"No really, Cora, I mean it! Promise that you'll just hear me out, let
me finish! You will, won't you?"

Cora took off her sunglasses and narrowed her eyes.

"OK,' she said, ' promise."

"Right, well, the thing is that Hedda had a bit of a go at me this
morning."

"She never!' Cora sat up. '?"

"It's all to do with going back to university and seeing me wasting my
time - well, in her eyes I do anyway. I suppose that I don't really
blame her, she wants me to do well, but ...' Thea's voice trailed off as
she thought about Hedda. She didn't really know what Hedda wanted. She
never had.

"And?"

Thea started. ' yes, sorry. Well, basically, she wants me to do another
degree or get a job. I suppose that she thinks going back to college
would be easier than getting a job as far as I'm concerned, but it's
not, I just don't want to do it." Cora said nothing. Degrees and
universities were out of her league.

"So I've got to get myself a job, a career I suppose, but the thing is
that I don't want to put Tom into a nursery, I want to look after him
myself ...' Again Thea stopped.

She said, more to herself than to Cora: ' don't just want to, I've got
to, he's mine and I want to be everything to him, I--' Suddenly she
looked at Cora. ', I've had an idea. It started last night, at Ewert's
club--"

"At Ewert's club? Oh God, this isn't what I think it is, is it? You're
not seriously--" "You promised not to interrupt!' Thea interjected. '
on, I can't tell you if you keep butting in and never let me finish a
sentence, can I?"

Cora nodded. She chewed her lip, but shut up.

"Well, I've been doing a bit of research this morning. I thought about
it all last night and I decided to look into it today, and, purely by
chance, I came across this amazing person - Cora, you have to meet her -
and, well, we sort of talked things through and I think I may have a bit
of a proposition to put to you."

Cora had begun pulling at blades of grass and didn't look at Thea.

"I went to look at some antique clothes that she sells - she's called
Dolly - because, well, I had a germ of an idea that we--"

"We?' Cora was shocked. ''t you start getting me into this thing! I'm
not interested, all right?"

"All right then, an idea that I might be able to put an act together."

"An act!' Cora snorted. ' your clothes off is hardly an act, it's just
bloody stripping!"

"OK, stripping, but you're wrong, it is still an act and the one I'd do
would be different. I went to see Dolly because she sells old clothes,
antique clothes, and when I got there it turns out that she mainly sells
antique underwear, sort of erotica, I suppose, and it also turns out
that she used to have an act, years ago, and she made a small fortune
with it!"

"Oh yeah? How old's this Dolly then?' "I don't know, about seventy-odd,
I suppose."

"Well then, she made a small fortune - as you put it - in the days when
showing an ankle was daring!' Cora shook her head. ', Thea, I don't want
to be a downer but you really haven't thought this through at all!
Stripping isn't what you think it is, no way! You get loads of drunk
blokes in a pub or a club and they want to see the whole thing!

They don't want no antique underwear and titillation, they want
hard-core stuff because they're ignorant pigs! They'll treat you like
shit and all you'll get is a few hundred quid for it!' Cora snatched a
handful of grass up and scattered it moments later.

"OK, maybe you're right, but that's at the bottom end of the market and
I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about the top end, where there's
real money and if we - Oh sorry, I mean, if I offer something completely
different but bloody sexy and they buy it then it's a whole different
thing!" Cora continued to snatch up small handfuls of grass.

She said nothing.

"Look, I know it seems bizarre but I think it makes perfect sense for
both of us. For you it would mean working at night, like you do already
and carrying on with reading and writing during the day, only we're
talking much, much more money."

J38

"And you?"

"Well, for me it would mean that I could look after Tom.

I would only need a baby-sitter at night, he would be asleep and
wouldn't even know that I wasn't there, and during the day I could have
him to myself."

There was a sniff, which Thea took to mean approval.

"Listen, Cora, at Dolly's this morning I tried some things on and I did
a couple of moves and frankly it was terrific!

Maybe if you came along with me tomorrow and saw for yourself, maybe if
you--"

"Look!' Cora snapped. ''s get one thing straight now, all right? I am
not taking my clothes off for a bunch of pricks and that's final!"

"OK, OK!' Thea held her hands up defensively. ' I don't see your
problem, I really don't! I'd rise above it, that's what I'd do, I
wouldn't let them treat me like shit!

Besides, I've got one over on them, I'm the one in control up there on
the stage, I'm the one with the power. I can turn them on or off
whenever I want and for that privilege, they pay me!' Thea shrugged. ',
from what Cheryl said last night and from what Dolly said today, it's
not a few hundred quid here, Cora, it's more like six hundred a week.
Each."

Cora jerked up. ' hundred quid each?' She took her sunglasses off. ''ve
gotta be kidding!"

"No."

"How's that then?"

"Well, a great deal of it is in tips, money stuffed into boots, thrown
on the stage, handed over personally, but the booking fee is pretty good
too. Providing you've got a regular slot and can bring in a crowd then
you can more or less name your price. The money these places make over
the bar when there's a good act on apparently goes into thousands."

Cora was silent. She slipped her glasses back on again and turned away
so that Thea had no idea what she was thinking. Thea uncurled her legs
and lay down on the grass, rolling on to her side and propping herself
up on one elbow. She didn't say anything, she just waited.

"So why d'you want me to do it with you?' Cora said at last. ' the
money's so good and you've got all the nerve, why d'you want me in on it
too?"

Thea didn't look up. ' we're friends,' she said.

"You're my best friend in fact, and because you're very attractive. I
think that together we could cause a storm."

There was another silence.

"Besides, I'm not sure I've got the confidence to do it myself and' -
she glanced sidelong at Cora - ' actually think we might enjoy it if we
were in it together."

"Enjoy it?' Cora spluttered. ''re barmy!"

"Yes,' Thea said, rolling on to her back. ' I am."

She ruched her skirt up so that her legs were also exposed to the sun. '
maybe,' she said, ' you don't turn up at Dolly's with me tomorrow then
you're the one who's really mad. What have you got to lose, Cora? All
you have to do is give it a go.' Closing her eyes, she heard Cora stand,
pick up her things and leave. But knowing when enough was enough, Thea
made no attempt to stop her.

Chapter Ten.

The following day Thea was up early again, only this time Jake was
waiting for her when she came downstairs. He had been worried all night,
lying next to Hedda, desperate to talk and yet unable to say a word.
Hedda had put up a barrier; talking about Thea made her uptight and she
made no effort to hide it. So, lonely and troubled, at five a.m. Jake
had risen, showered and come downstairs to look again at the records
Thea had asked to borrow from his jazz collection. She was up to
something, Jake realised, but exactly what he couldn't put his finger
on. For one thing, the music she'd chosen yesterday had taken him by
surprise; for another she hadn't wanted just to listen, to see what she
liked, she had been making a choice of tracks, as if she wanted to use
them for something. It didn't make sense but she hadn't told him
anything, hadn't given him any idea why she was doing it.

The more Jake thought about it, now he was up and awake, the more he
worried. So, unable to think of anything else to do, he sat down by the
stereo, put the headphones on and placed the first record Thea had
chosen on the turntable.

He found the track she liked and played it, tapping his fingertip
lightly on his thigh, in time to the music It was '' by Herbie Mann and
he couldn't deny its sensuality There was a mid tempo, a good strong sax
and trumpet melody and a certain mood to it that he couldn't quite put
his finger on The track finished, Jake found the next record and track
and repeated the procedure Four records later, he switched off the
stereo and stood to make himself a cup of coffee The same thing that had
troubled him last night, that had kept him awake, still bugged him What
was it about all those pieces of music that baffled him'? Why had Thea
liked them so much? They were all strongly melodic, they all had good
trumpet work, so it was easy to see the immediate attraction, but then
so had some of the other pieces on the albums, pieces, as a jazz fan, he
thought far better, more accessible Switching the kettle on, Jake stood
pensively at the kitchen work surface and stared out of the window
Nothing came to him He dropped a couple of spoonfuls of fresh coffee
into the pot, placed it on the hob, then filled it with boiling water
and turned the gas on He hummed a few bars of the last track, went to
the fridge for some milk and all of a sudden it hit him The music he was
humming was raunchy' It was out and out sexy, provocative, erotic,
sometimes almost visual in its conveyance of mood Jake smacked the milk
down on to the work surface and swore What the bloody hell was Thea up
to? Talk about strippers yesterday, sexy pieces of music, long
disappearances He heard the coffee pot whistle but ignored it She wasn't
really thinking of stripping, was she7 Going back to the stereo, he put
the last track on again and picked up the headphones He swore a second
time As soon as the music started he saw it in his mind it was perfect
music for taking your clothes off to, it was perfect music for sex
Tearing the headphones off again, Jake stormed over to the now squealing
coffee pot and snatched it off the gas He poured himself a cup, splashed
some milk in and opened the back door Walking out into the garden, he
took a couple of lungfuls of cool early morning air to calm himself and
slowly sipped his coffee He would have to talk to Thea, he would have to
confront her If she really was into something seedy then Hedda would
never forgive him God, he would never forgive himself Pulling out a
garden chair, he wiped the dew off with the sleeve of his sweater and
sat down It was here that Thea found him when she came down into the
kitchen just after seven

"Hello, Dad,' she called, standing in the doorway Jake turned to look at
her She really had changed, his Thea, she had grown beyond all
recognition and for a moment he wondered if she didn't know best about
what she was doing She had a poise and confidence he had never seen in
her before, she had discovered herself as a woman Even he, as a blind
old father, couldn't deny her sexuality she wore it like scent, it clung
to her, enveloping people Thea,' he said, ' wonder if we might have a
chat' Thea stepped outside She was barefoot, and in her silk kimono she
shivered in the fresh morning air Laying a hand on his shoulder, she
said, ' look tired Are you worrying about something'?"

Jake patted her hand ',' he answered ' '

The?' Thea pulled out a chair opposite Jake and performed the same
action as he had, wiping the dew off it with the sleeve of her dressing
gown. Jake smiled. Ah, genetics, he thought and it made him feel
slightly better.

Thea, what did you want all that music for yesterday?"

"Oh, that? Nothing much, a few dance routines with Cora, just to listen
to.' Unlike Hedda, Thea was a lousy liar. She flushed as she spoke and
the blood flooded her face and neck.

"Is that all?' Jake fidgeted in his chair. ' mean, you're not getting
into anything you can't handle, are you?"

"What d'you mean?1

"I mean ...'Jake hesitated, then said, ' mean that things aren't always
as easy as they look from the outset, Thea. You are one of life's
innocents and I don't want you hurt. I don't know what you are planning
but you must be cautious, whatever it is, think very carefully before
you enter into anything, all right?"

Thea nodded, then she reached out and touched Jake's hand. Thanks,' she
said. ' think I know what I'm doing and I've got Cora with me, she's
pretty streetwise.' She stood. ' that all?" Jake sighed. No, it wasn't
all, it was only the half of it, but as he'd sat there talking he had
realised that he didn't really have the right to interfere in Thea's
life. That right had to be earned, through long-term attention and
interest, and he and Hedda had never done much to prove themselves on
that score. Thea,' he said, ' will talk to me about what's going on,
won't you? I might be able to help." Thea smiled. '.' Then she turned to
go back inside.

"But, Dad,' she said, just before she went, ''m hardly an innocent any
more. Having Tom changed all that."

"Did it?"

"I think so. That and having Cora as a friend."

"Yes,' said Jake. Then after she'd gone, under his breath he murmured, '
only hope you're right."

A bit later, Thea made her way to the bus stop where she always met
Cora. She stood, glanced at her watch and decided to give it ten
minutes. Cora was never late, she knew Thea had to be at Dolly's by
nine-thirty and it was ten to nine now. If she was coming, she wouldn't
leave it later than nine o'clock.

Digging her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket, she stared at the
bus timetable to stop herself from gazing hopefully at the horizon and
waited. She was anxious; the few words with Jake had unnerved her and
she realised how much she wanted Cora to be in on this with her.

In fact she wasn't sure she could do it on her own. Her friendship with
Cora had changed Thea, it had given her a whole new confidence, but it
was a confidence that was unestablished and thus fragile and Thea was
only too aware of how easily it could be broken.

Glancing at her watch again, Thea counted five minutes down, five to go.
She looked briefly up the road for an approaching figure then turned
back to the timetable. She wished she'd brought a book or had a Walkman,
indeed anything to take her mind off waiting for Cora. She began to add
up the bus times and work out the entire time of the route from
beginning to end. Her mental arithmetic was rusty and it took a while,
so by the end of the first route, it was nearly nine o'clock and Thea
heard the bus.

"Damn,' she muttered, looking up again and seeing no sign of Cora. ' and
blast.' She felt a moment of indecision and panicked, wondering if she
should get on the bus or just forget the whole thing. Her hands began to
sweat; her heart raced as the bus approached; she was momentarily weepy.
Then the bus pulled up with a squealing of brakes and a polluted hiss,
the doors slid open and she had no more time to think. She propelled
herself forward and began to climb.

"One to ...' Thea's mind went blank. ', I, erm, I ... "

"Oi! Thea! What're you doing on the bus? I thought this old girl lived
in Notting Hill."

Thea spun round. ' Cora! Thank goodness!' She beamed. ', yes she does!"

"What're you doing on the bus then?"

Thea glanced round at the bus driver. ' dear, I shouldn't be here, I,
erm, I ... I'm sorry, but you pulled up,' she twittered at him, ' I got
on without thinking.

I, erm, I don't need the bus, I need the tube."

"It'd be helpful if you made your mind up, luv, before you got on,' he
said.

"Yes, I ... Oh dear!' Thea turned and jumped down the steps. '!' she
called as the doors juddered shut again and the driver indicated. He
shook his head at Thea to emphasise his disapproval and pulled out. '
dear,' she said again, ' wasn't thinking. I ... " "Silly old fart,' Cora
said. ''t get in a flap about it, everyone makes mistakes.' She pulled
out a stick of chewing gum, a habit she'd developed since giving up the
ten cigarettes a day. ', you want one?"

Thea shook her head.

"Please yourself.' Cora popped the stick into her mouth and folded it
before she started chewing. ' on,' she said, mouth full, ' thought we
were supposed to be there at nine-thirty." "We are,' Thea said.

"Right, let's get a move on then or we'll be late.' She started off in
the direction of the tube and let Thea catch her up.

Tm really glad you came,' Thea said, marvelling at how Cora could take
such long strides in such high heels.

"Yeah, well,' Cora said, chewing hard.

"No, really, 1 really am glad--" "Look,' Cora said, taking the gum out
for a moment and stopping to face Thea. ' came because we're mates,
right?

But I'm not making any promises. I'll have a dekko, see what it's like,
then make my mind up. OK?"

Thea smiled. ',' she said, but she knew Cora was interested; she
wouldn't have turned up if she weren't.

Dolly had cleared a space in the middle room of the three and brought in
her music centre, a 1967 Decca stereo in a teak veneer unit with a lid.
It sat to one side, the lid up, plugged in and ready to go. It was the
first thing that Cora fell upon when she came into the room.

"Wow!' she said, fingering the wood and peering inside it. This is
really ancient! Does it still work?"

"Of course it does,' Dolly replied tersely, offended at the use of the
word ancient. ' may not be state of the art, I think the expression is,
but yes, it still works. Very well actually.' She took the records Thea
held out to her and placed them on the stacking shelf built into the
unit, then turned to the girls. Cora and Thea made an unlikely pair,
both tall but one model slim, pale and blonde, the other voluptuous,
with creamy skin and heavy dark hair. They looked ill matched, but then
that would be the attraction.

Dolly could see, with her practised eye, that with a bit of work, being
opposites would work to their advantage. She clapped her hands together
loudly and made Thea jump.

"Now, girls,' she said briskly, ' need the outfits. Thea, I think what
we chose yesterday will work beautifully. Cora, we need to kit you out
and see how it matches up."

Cora narrowed her eyes. ' me up?"

"Yes, yes, come along, dear, we need to find you something that'll
complement Thea but give you your own identity."

"Oh.' Even Cora was lost for words. They followed Dolly into the next
room and stood while she started to sort through the Victorian clothes
rail. Cora's jaw dropped. She had never seen black leather used in the
way that Dolly had it displayed and the silver nipple covers with the
long pink tassels drew her forward for a closer inspection.

"How do these stay on?' she asked, holding them up over her breasts.

"With a bit of glue, dear,' Dolly said over her shoulder.

"Ouch!"

"Yes, but well worth it for the effect. Some I've seen could make each
tassel twirl in a different direction."

"Never!"

"Oh yes, absolutely.' Dolly pulled a hanger from the rail and turned. '
fancy a go?"

The?' Cora was astonished. ' thanks, Dolly, think I'll miss that one!"

Dolly laughed. She lay the robe that she had pulled from the rail on to
the back of a gilt chair and went across to a chest of drawers. She
opened the first drawer, then the second and finally found what she was
looking for in the third.

"Now,' she said, draping the camiknickers she'd taken out over her arm
and holding up a pair of silk stockings.

"I don't think Cora wants a corset, she hasn't got the same curves as
you, Thea, and owing to her look and colouring, I think we need
something a little more sophisticated."

Cora pulled a face at Thea that said: Sophisticated, eh? She walked
across to the chair and held up the robe. It was a black-silk oriental
kimono, with huge embroidered dragons and flowers on it. The
camiknickers that Dolly held were also black - as were the stockings -
but it was a sheer chiffon, finished with lace. Dolly handed them to
Cora. ' can change there, behind the curtain and, Thea, you need to go
with her so that I can see you both together.

Oh, and Cora, you'll need these.' Dolly went across and bent for a pair
of Edwardian black kid ankle boots with a high Cuban heel. '.' She stood
up gingerly, rubbing her knees as she did so, and placed the boots on
top of Cora's pile. ' on then! Let's get on, we haven't got all day, you
know!"

Both girls scurried across to the velvet curtain and drew it. There was
much rustling, a few giggles, the odd exclamation and swear word - from
Cora - and finally the curtain was drawn back.

"Ah,' said Dolly. She motioned for the girls to walk forward and turn,
then she said, ',' and, '."

Finally, after several minutes of silence, she said, ''ll have to change
Cora's hair, it's got to be sleeker and--"

"My hair?' Cora wailed. ''s wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing, Cora sweetie, 1 just think we need to make it a little more
chic, that's all."

"Chic? What d'you mean chic?! I'm not having it all chopped off, I don't
know if I'm even gonna get involved in all this stuff yet, I--"

Thea lay a calming hand on Cora's arm. ''s OK, you don't have to do
anything unless you really want to. Just let Dolly finish, OK?"

Cora nodded and Dolly said, ' think we need shoes, not boots. But apart
from that I think it all looks rather good! Come and have a look,
girls."

Cora and Thea exchanged glances, then walked across to the mirror. They
stood side by side and stared.

"Bloody hell!' Cora murmured.

Thea said nothing.

The hat!' Dolly cried. Tut on the hat, Thea darling!"

Thea and Cora exchanged another look; Dolly handed Thea the hat and she
scooped her hair up and piled it inside.

"Bloody hell!' Cora murmured again. She fingered the glossy silk of her
kimono, opened it slightly and ran her hand down over her leg, touching
first the pale downy skin of her thigh then the sleek, glossy silk-knit
of the stocking. ' look--' she broke off and turned to Thea. ' look ...'
Again she hesitated, searching for the right words. T don't know what I
look like,' she said truthfully. ''s sort of tarty but then not really
tarty, not common.' She shook her head, pinging the elastic suspender.
'! I don't know about this, Thea, I really don't!" Thea smiled. ' look
sexy, Cora, not tarty, there's a difference."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, yes there is."

Cora pulled a face. ', if I look sexy, then you'll make their blood
boil!' She began to giggle. ' tits look unbelievable!' Thea had started
to laugh as well, and as she did so, her spectacular cleavage wobbled.

"Oh my God!' Cora wailed, almost helpless with laughter.

They're like two jellies on a--"

There was a sharp clap of hands and both girls were so startled that
they instantly stopped laughing and looked up.

"Girls!' said Dolly, to a background of renewed but stifled giggles from
Cora. ' must get on. Now we've found you the clothes, we've got to get
going on the act. Music? Thea, did you say that you had some music that
you liked? Oh yes, that's it, I put it on the music centre.' Dolly
crossed to the stereo unit and picked up the five LPs that Thea had
brought with her. ', let's see ... What was it that you liked, Thea
sweetie? Did you tell me? Or did you make a note of the tracks?"

"I put a note in with the LPs, Dolly,' Thea said. She walked across and
found her slip of paper under the top album. The first piece is the
second track side one. D'you want me to--"

"Good Lord no, lovey! I can manage, thank you!' Dolly fiddled with the
LP, trying to find where the record sleeve opened, located it after a
minute or so of torture for Thea and Cora and dropped the vinyl record
on the floor. '!"

She went to bend but Thea got there before her, retrieving it and
handing it back to Dolly. After another couple of minutes of riddling,
the record made it to the turntable and Dolly began trying to operate
the machine. It wasn't that she was inept in any way, more fumbly, in
the way elderly people often get. Thea and Cora waited. Cora, Thea could
see, was having her doubts.

"Ah ha!' Dolly suddenly announced. ' it!' She bent forward to turn the
volume on the stereo up and suddenly soft melodic jazz filled the room.
Dolly's face broke into a broad grin. Thea,' she said, tapping her foot
in time to the music, ' has class!' She began to move, very slowly,
exaggerated actions, small steps here and there. ' so, my dears,' she
said, looking across at the two girls watching her, ' you!"

Thea held her pose. She was breathing hard and her chest rose and fell
as she struggled to bring the breathlessness under control. Sweat
trickled down the side of her face.

"Hold for five more,' Dolly called. ', four, three, two and one! Good,
and relax!"

Thea slumped against the chair and took several big lungfuls of air.

"You were brill, Thea!' Cora patted her on the back.

"Here.' She handed Thea a towel and Thea wiped it over her damp sweating
limbs. They were both in swimsuits which should have been leotards -
that Dolly had asked Thea to bring with her and as she finished drying
her body, Cora passed her a sweatshirt which Thea pulled over her head.

"Right!' said Dolly. ' think we can safely call that a wrap, don't you?"

Both girls nodded. They had been working with Dolly for three hours now,
choreographing what Dolly called a traditional strip-tease act to a
track from one of Jake's jazz albums. There was nothing lewd or easy
about what they'd learnt, there was a huge amount to take on board about
posture, counting time, small stage movements and perfecting a grace and
style that neither of them had any idea they possessed. They were both
exhausted; Dolly was of the old school of stage management, where you
rehearsed until you got it right, even if you collapsed in the middle of
it. Only they hadn't collapsed and they had got it right.

"Now,' she went on, giving them just a few moments to rest. ' I'd like
you to do is keep your leotards on, if one can call them leotards, of
course, and put your costumes over the top. I'm going to pop out for a
few moments and I'll be back by the time you're dressed and ready to
start.

We're going to run through this whole thing one last time, with the
costumes on, to see how it all fits together. OK, darlings?"

Again both girls nodded; they didn't have the energy to reply and
besides, Cora, was on the verge of saying something rude and thought it
better just to nod. Dolly clapped her hands, twice, and, exchanging a
wry smile, the girls found their clothes and scurried behind the curtain
to change.

The music went on, the girls counted the bars, waited until they hit
their cue and on the third beat stepped out from behind the curtain.

One, two, three, four: Thea moved across to the chaise that Dolly had
set up for them; five, six, seven, eight: Cora moved to stand behind it.
One, two, three, four: Thea placed her leg gracefully up on the chaise;
five, six, seven, eight: she rolled down a stocking and turned her
shoulder towards the audience. Over the next eight beats, she dropped
the strap of her camiknickers down off her shoulder, ran her hand down
her arm and tilted her head to exactly the right angle. Cora leant
forward and, frantically counting the beats in her head, slipped her
robe off her shoulders, turned her back, wriggled her hips and stepped
out from behind the chaise. The act had begun.

Traditional strip-tease, as Thea and Cora had learnt, takes perfect
timing, confidence and an innate sensuality that either makes the act or
breaks it. With the lights on full glare over their faces and the back
room in semidarkness as a result, Thea and Cora worked to the music,
doing the routine they'd rehearsed, making the small provocative actions
that Dolly had shown them and, as they did so, something incredible
happened. Dolly had been right in her instinct; that instinct had paid
off. Cora and Thea exuded personality; they came alive with every twist
of the saxophone, every strain of the trumpet; and they stripped with
the sort of exuberant sexuality that Dolly hadn't seen for many years.
The act wasn't polished, they dropped the odd beat, made wrong turns,
let a hand slip here and there that in the real thing would reveal
something they wanted to keep covered up, but the overall effect was
stunning. If they worked hard to refine it and kept that perfect balance
of innocence and cheek then, clapping her hands jubilantly in applause,
Dolly realised that Cora and Thea really might have something very
special.

"Bravo, bravo!' Dolly cried. ' for eight! Hold it ... and relax!' She
switched the lights off and both Thea and Cora fell towards each other
and slumped down on to the chaise. They burst into fits of giggles.

"Well done, girls, that was super!' Dolly said, coming towards them. ''d
like you to meet--"

The giggling stopped, abruptly. Thea stood up. ' on earth--?"

Cora stood up right behind her. ' never said we were stripping for
anyone, Dolly! That's not--" "Girls, girls!' Dolly said, clapping her
hands. ' on, who do you think you're going to be doing this to for real?

Certainly not Mickey Mouse and his family!' She glanced behind her and
let the man she was standing in front of step forward. ', Thea and Cora,
this is Phil. Phil, this is, well, you know who they are, I've just told
you."

Thea and Cora stared. Into the light had just stepped the most handsome
man either of them had ever seen. And handsome in the old-fashioned,
Prince Charming sense of the word. He was tall, muscular and dark, with
a face that looked almost sculpted, so strong was his jawline, so
defined were his features. He smiled and his mouth stretched evenly
across his teeth, dazzlingly white teeth that were probably worth a
small fortune in dental work.

"Is he for real?' whispered Cora. Thea gave the faintest shrug. Phil ran
a hand through his hair. It was wavy, swept back off his face and more
than likely treated with an expensive wax.

"Hello,' he said, and Cora's heart fell.

"Oh,' she murmured in Thea's ear. ' available.' Thea glanced quizzically
over her shoulder. ' mind,' hissed Cora.

"Your act,' Phil said, holding one elbow with the other hand, ' simply
fabulous!' He moved forward and lightly fingered the silk of Cora's
kimono. ' this, my dear, is quite divine!' Thea understood. Her mouth
dropped open and, catching Dolly's eye, she made a conscious effort to
clamp it shut.

"Phil lives upstairs,' Dolly said, ' we, he and I, that is, have had a
wonderful idea. Once you get this act up and running, both of you are
going to need a booker and Phil would be only too happy to take on that
task."

"A booker? Phil?' Thea sat down on the edge of the chaise.

"Dolly, I don't know if--"

"A booker? What the hell's a booker when it's at home?"

Cora interrupted.

Thea turned. ', or she, makes the bookings with the clubs, looks after
us, and earns a commission on our fee.

It's in his interest to get us the best deal because he takes a slice of
it."

"Whoa! Hang on a minute! If I'm out there taking all my clobber off, I'm
not gonna give a, whack of it to some tight-assed bastard in an office,
ta very much!' Cora snatched her kimono together.

"It's not quite like that, Cora,' Thea said. ' do need a booker, it
makes things an awful lot easier, but I don't know, Dolly, it all seems
a bit sudden. Yesterday I was just thinking about the whole thing, it
was simply an idea, and today I've practised my act and got a booker.
It's a little too quick to take everything in. Cora and I haven't
exactly made up our minds for certain yet that we're going to do it.'
Thea glanced at Cora. ' we, Cora?"

Cora, who was scowling for England, shrugged.

"Oh,' said Phil, turning to Dolly. ' think we have a bit of a problemo.
Shall I depart?"

Dolly patted his arm. ', Phil sweetie, you stay there, I don't think
I've explained myself very well, that's the problem. Come on, girls, get
some clothes on and we'll have coffee. Your blood sugar level has gone
down, Cora lovey, I can tell. Is Turkish all right? I love Turkish, I
won't drink anything else. Oh, did I tell you that already, dears?"

Cora and Thea nodded.

"Yes, thought so, problem of old age, repeating oneself.

It's very tiresome, not least of all for me!' Dolly laughed her throaty
cackle and shooed the girls towards the velvet curtain with the back of
her hand. ' on, get decent and I'll make coffee. I think I've got some
of those delicious little Viennese biscuits somewhere. Come on, Philip
darling, you can help me find them.' And leaving Thea and Cora alone,
Dolly disappeared to get the refreshments.

This isn't for real!' Cora burst out as soon as they'd gone.

"What the hell's going on, Thea? I reckon this Dolly's gonna stitch us
up good and proper. You heard about this bloke Phil before?"

Thea stared down at the floor and frowned. ' I haven't," she answered,
after a few moments' contemplation, ' I think that it could actually be
quite a good idea, I mean if we decide to go through with this.' She
glanced sidelong at Cora. ' think Dolly's trying to do the best for us,
trying to help, and we would need a hooker eventually anyway. I hadn't
really got that far in my great scheme of things, so I guess we should
be thankful to Dolly for doing it for us."

"Yeah, and what's in it for Dolly?"

"I would imagine that she'll charge us for training and costumes etc.,
once we're up and running."

"Up and running? But we haven't made up our minds for sure yet, have
we?"

Thea shrugged. As far as she was concerned the whole thing made perfect
sense for her and Tom. She would have a job, just like Hedda had wanted,
earn money, possibly a good deal of it, and she could have Tom as well:
no nurseries, no full-time child care. OK, it wasn't an ideal career,
hardly the most acceptable of professions, but if they did it right, got
a really good act together and only worked the decent clubs, then it
could be bloody successful! The only thing was, Thea thought, looking at
her friend, that she didn't want to do it without Cora. Cora was a mate,
she was there for her and she did something for Thea that no one else
had been able to do. She gave her confidence. Just being with Cora made
Thea feel good and being without her she knew that she didn't really
have a chance at this game.

"Have we?' Cora repeated. She poked Thea in the ribs and Thea turned to
protest. When she did, she saw that Cora was smiling. ', I might not
have made up my mind, but it looks like you have!' She poked Thea again
and Thea grabbed her hand and held it.

Thanks Cora,' she murmured, ' couldn't do it without --"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah,' Cora said. She squeezed Thea's hand and dropped it.
Turning towards the velvet curtain, she said, ', what's he gonna charge
us then, this Phil bloke?

And how do we know he's gonna be any good, look after us and stuff?' She
took her clothes off the peg and drew back the curtain. ' on, Thea,
let's get dressed before Dolly comes back. If you really have made up
your mind, then we've got things to discuss!' And struggling to clip up
her bra, she called, Tell you what, it's a hell of a lot easier to take
stuff off than put it on.' She swore under her breath and turned to her
friend. '! Give us a hand with this, will you? Or I'll still be in my
pants by the time the coffee arrives! Turkish ...' she muttered. ''s
wrong with instant, eh? Turkish, I ask you!"

Chapter Eleven.

As soon as things were finalised at Dolly's that afternoon, appointing
Phil as booker and general guardian of the duo, he got to work with
alacrity and Thea and Cora's act - Silk and Lace - took shape at great
speed. Neither Thea nor Cora liked the name, they thought it rather
naff, but Dolly explained that there was no room for the avant-garde at
the outset, they needed to let people know straight off what they were
selling and both girls had to agree that, though not chic, the name was
certainly apt.

It was a week after the initial meeting at Dolly's and Thea sat with
Phil in the reception area of a very expensive Mayfair hairdressers,
looking through his list of bookings and waiting for Cora. Hardly a
list, to be precise, just three, but it was a start, a good start,
seeing as Phil had been to each club personally to check out the
atmosphere, clientele and facilities. He had also made his face known to
the club owners, barmen and bouncers. It was now clear that he was with
Silk and Lace and as long as everyone knew that, the act hopefully
wouldn't get the usual run of the mill trouble.

"So,' Phil said, interrupting Thea's reading, ' d'you think?"

Thea glanced up. ' think it's great, Phil, thanks. This note here
though, I can't read your writing. What does it say?"

"Oh, that's clients, Thea darling. Look here, on the next page I've done
a little key and explained the note. That club has mainly city types,
young men in their twenties and thirties, lots of money but not always
the same amount of style. Traders, mainly dealers, spot forex boys, that
sort of thing. I've called them BOSSOMs."

"Bossoms?' Thea giggled. ', like in breasts?"

"Yes, with an extra S. Big On Spending Small On Manners."

"Phil, that's brilliant! Oh I see, and this one is SAM, Smart And Mean,
FOBS, Foreign Big Spenders, PULPs ...' Thea burst out laughing. '
Upper-class Loaded Prats! Phil, this is really mean!"

"No, darling, not mean, just accurate. You'll come across a lot of
Johnnies in these clubs, and I don't want my girls to start off even the
slightest bit naive.' He looked at her, suddenly serious. ' mean it,
Thea, don't be fooled, those men are there for a good time. They want
you to entertain them and they'll pay for that privilege, but don't
start thinking that there's any more to it than that because that's the
slippery slope down to a rotten time and you, my love ...' He took her
hand and kissed it. '... you are far too lovely for that to happen to.'
Dropping her hand, he stood. ', that little key is for you to keep for
your records so that we all know what I'm talking about when I grade a
club. One for you and one for Cora. Where is the wonderful Cora, by the
way? I should think that she's done by now. I'm going to find out, Thea
darling, you stay there and wait for Dolly."

"Dolly?"

"Yes, she's meeting us here, didn't she say?"

Thea shook her head.

"Oh well, never mind. We've plans to decamp to the Arts Cafe for lunch.
I've got a surprise for you and Dolly and I think that with everything
more or less in place now, it's time we all had a little celebration.
Ah, Cora!"

Phil spun round. ' was just coming to find you, wasn't I, Thea
darling?!"

Cora stood, wrapped in a black nylon cape, a little uneasily behind her
stylist. She took a deep breath and stepped forward, touching the nape
of her neck and the base of her hair as she did so.

"My God, Cora! You look fantastic!' Thea was completely spontaneous in
her reaction. She jumped up and embraced her friend, then stood back and
stared long and hard at the newly coloured, shaped and styled hair. '
look like a different person, it's just wonderful!"

"Oi! What was wrong with the one before?"

"Nothing, I ... " Thea saw that Cora was smiling. ' know I didn't mean
that, I just meant that it really suits you, it's, it's so ... "

"Elegant!' Dolly announced. She had just come into the salon and crossed
to Cora, kissing her cheek. ' is very chic and very expensive-looking,
Cora sweetie, it transforms you.' Dolly turned to the stylist. ', it is
just wonderful! You are a very clever man! Thank you!"

"All part of the service, Dolly,' the stylist said. He touched Cora's
head and tilted it gently forward. ''ve coloured right the way through
the hair as you can see,' he said, ' tones, both warm blonde, a ten and
an eight, and I've cut it into the base of her neck at the back, here' -
he turned Cora to show her neck -- ' show its lovely long curve, while
keeping it reasonably long and sleek at the front, see, here.'
Straightening Cora's head, he turned her back to face everyone and ran
his hand along the curve of her hair. '! I think it works marvellously!"
"So do we all!' Dolly said. ' done!"

Michael beamed and flushed, shooting a look at Phil on his way to the
reception desk to prepare the bill.

"I think I'll have to book myself in for a restyle, Michael," Phil said,
never missing the slightest nuance. He crossed to the desk to pay and
the two men fell into quiet, intimate conversation. Thea and Cora
exchanged glances, wondering if one of them should offer to pay, but
Dolly said, sotto voce, ' and I agreed that from now on he would incur
your expenses. He is confident that he can recoup his investment in a
very short space of time, girls.' She moved towards Cora and helped her
off with the cape. ' you have a jacket, Cora darling?"

"No, just me cardigan, here."

"Good. Well, if Phil has finished I think we can make our way along for
lunch."

"Lunch?' Cora said.

"Don't worry, Cora sweetie, it's just a quick bite and a glass of
something to celebrate! We know Thea has to be back for the baby but
Phil's got the photos--"

"Dolly!' Phil cried, spinning round. ' fiend! That was my surprise!"

"Oh dear, sorry, Philip darling. Anyway, he has got the photos, haven't
you, Phil, and he's dying to show them to you."

"Right.' Cora pulled a face at Thea and whispered, ' on, darling sweetie
darling."

Thea nudged her and held down a giggle.

"Girls!' Dolly said loudly, with a small sharp clap. ' y wife

"On a what?" "Let's go,' Thea said. ''s French.' And opening the door,
she held it for the small party to exit and followed them out into the
street.

Hedda was home early for once. She'd had a headache all day, probably
connected to the weather. There was a sort of thick oppressive cloud
that hung low overhead, trapping the warm polluted air close to the
ground, making everything feel heavy and dirty. She was tense, liable to
irritable eruptions and had shouted at her assistant twice in the course
of the afternoon before she decided to call it a day. As she came up the
steps of the house, she saw Jake in the living room, the carpet littered
with toys and baby paraphernalia, while he sat in an armchair with the
paper ignoring it all as if it didn't exist. She ground her back teeth -
a habit that was becoming increasingly regular and braced herself as she
put the key in the lock.

"Hello, Hedda!' Jake called from his armchair. ''re home early."

"Not particularly,' she snapped, pausing in the doorway of the living
room on her way through to the kitchen.

"Normal time for most people, it's just that I work such goddamn long
hours so regularly that you all seem to assume it's natural!' She
trudged on without waiting for a reply and dumped her handbag and
briefcase on the kitchen table, going immediately to the fridge for a
glass of wine. Filling a tumbler, she drank a large mouthful and leant
against the wall. Hedda didn't believe in pills, she never recommended
them and she never took them herself. A decent glass of wine to relax
her and a lie down in a cool dark room would do the trick and Hedda had
always been lucky enough to be able to do both. Not for her the
swallowing down of endless paracetamol to keep problems at bay while
struggling with everyday life. It was easy to have strong principles if
they were never challenged.

"D'you want an early supper seeing as you're home at this hour?' Jake
asked, coming through to the kitchen.

"Not particularly,' Hedda replied coolly. Td like a bit of peace and
quiet first.' She knew she was carping but she couldn't help it; it was
just her mood. But as she left Jake in the kitchen and went upstairs
towards the sounds of Thea in the bathroom with Tom, she wondered if it
was just her mood. Jake had changed over the past few months; he was
not, Hedda thought, her soul mate any more. What Hedda failed to see was
that Jake had never been her soul mate, not in the true sense of the
word. He had agreed with her a great deal, had gone her way for an easy
life, but that wasn't spiritual togetherness. And now he didn't do that
any more; he couldn't, he had other people to take into account. Jake
had found, albeit better late than never, that someone else needed him
and that there was more to life than just Hedda.

"Hello,' Thea said, meeting Hedda on the stairs. Tom's about to go in
the bath, I came out to get a towel."

"I see.' Hedda stepped past her daughter and went towards her bedroom.
She said nothing else and so Thea, unable to think of anything that
might start a conversation, took a towel from the airing cupboard and
went back to Tom. He was sitting up now and placing him on his bottom in
the bath, Thea sat close to the edge of it in case he toppled backwards.
She was gently splashing water over his body to delighted squeals when
Hedda appeared in the doorway, glass in hand. She'd had a change of
heart, felt bad about ignoring Thea and so came at least to make an
attempt to join in a bit.

"He likes the bath then,' she said.

"Loves it."

"He's quite steady sitting up. I remember you were too."

Thea turned. '?' This was the first reference that Hedda had ever made
to herself as a baby. She smiled and reached forward to move the towel
and night clothes off the chair. ', why don't you come in and watch for
a while?"

Hedda hesitated, but extraordinarily her headache had eased and so she
did as Thea asked, sitting down and placing her glass on her lap. ''s
what, seven months now?"

Thea counted on her fingers. ', that's right.' She rubbed the soap
between her fingers and tenderly lathered his body, the small, plump
limbs slippery in her hands. "I can't believe it, it's gone so quickly."

"Has it?' Hedda was surprised. For her it seemed that Tom had been part
of their lives for ever. ' certainly seems to have grown, he's more than
ready for a nursery."

Thea looked up. She bit her lip but said nothing.

Hedda took a gulp of her drink. ' notice that the brochures have gone
from the sitting room,' she said, the rush of alcohol on an empty
stomach and on top of a fatigue headache making her rash. Tm glad that
you took heed of my words, Thea, I'm glad that you've finally seen
sense.' Another gulp of wine and the tumbler was empty; Hedda couldn't
remember drinking it that quickly.

"What did you think, by the way? Have you made any choices yet?"

Thea, who had been focusing hard on Tom, wondered if she could ignore
that last question, but out of the corner of her eye she could see Hedda
watching her, waiting for an answer.

Thea?' Hedda prompted.

"Yes, I, erm, I think I've come to a decision,' she murmured.

She glanced at the floor, then said, ' God, I've left Tom's nappy cream
in my bedroom.' It wasn't an answer but it might divert attention long
enough to evade the subject. ' couldn't take over here for me, could
you, while I get it?"

Hedda stood. ',' she said, Til get it. You carry on."

She made for the door. ' in your room?"

"On the chest of drawers I think, or if it's not there I might have put
it back in Tom's room."

"Right.' Hedda left and Thea breathed a sigh of relief.

In Thea's room, Hedda made straight for the chest of drawers and found
the cream on the top of it. She should have simply walked out then,
mission accomplished, nothing further to add, only she didn't. She
turned, saw a brown A4 envelope addressed to Thea on her bedside table
and without thinking, picked it up. It was obviously from one of the
universities, very official looking, but it didn't have a stamp, and
curiosity got the better of her.

Hedda slipped her finger under the flap and pulled out the contents. She
looked down at them and a black and white photograph of Thea and Cora,
both in costume, both seductively posed, one breast of Cora's only just
covered by her hand, stared back at her. She felt the breath constrict
in her throat, the anger and revulsion of years of feminism rise up in
her chest and, turning on her heel, she stormed out of the room and into
the bathroom, the photos still in her hand.

"What the hell is going on?' she hissed, thrusting them under Thea's
nose. ' in God's name are these?"

Thea sprang up. ' God ...' she stammered. ', erm, I ...' She couldn't
think straight, the water was draining out of the bath, Tom's face
puckered miserably as it did so and the photos swam before her eyes. '
God, Hedda, I didn't want you to find out like this. I ...' Tom began to
cry. ''s all right, Tom darling, I ... "

"It is not all right, Tom darling!' Hedda snarled. ' is far from bloody
all right!' Hedda went out on to the landing and yelled down the stairs.
'! Jake, get up here now!"

Her voice had that hysterical note which set Thea's teeth on edge. Tom's
cries got louder; Thea bent to scoop him up into a towel just as Jake
hurried into the bathroom.

The three of them stood there, with Tom between them, in five square
yards of space, the air electric with fury.

"Have you seen these?' Hedda cried. ' you know about all this?' She
jabbed the photos towards Jake, who took them and stared down at the
image of his daughter.

He rifled through the pictures, looking at the stamp on the back: ' and
Lace, Traditional Strip-tease. Agent Phil Habben', with his address,
phone number and fax underneath. Then he looked up at Thea.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"Well of course it's what you bloody well think it is!"

Hedda cried. ''t be facile, Jake! Thea has deliberately betrayed us, she
has gone behind our backs and got herself involved, yet again, in
something ruinous and utterly, utterly stupid!' Hedda put her hand on
the back of her neck; her headache had started up again with a
vengeance.

"I just can't believe it,' she went on hysterically. ' all that we've
done for her, after everything we've given--" "Hedda,' Jake said calmly,
'. Let's just cool it for a few moments, shall we?' He turned to Thea.
Thea, get Tom in his pyjamas and into bed and we will wait for you
downstairs in the living room. We deserve an explanation, Thea.' He
handed her the pictures. ' hope it's a good one."

Thea lay Tom in his cot, gave him his rabbit and bent to kiss the top of
his head. He held Rabbit in a vicelike grip against his cheek and stuck
the thumb on his other hand in his mouth. Thea whispered goodnight and
crept out of the room, closing the door behind her. She stood leaning
against it for several minutes, listening out for Tom and attempting to
compose herself, ready for her explanation.

But the truth was she didn't have one. Whatever she said, she felt,
would hurt, would be misunderstood, would sound feeble and selfish to
Hedda, if not Jake. She was doing this for Tom, because it made good
sense, commericially and domestically, but was that the only reason? She
wondered momentarily - and it was only the briefest moment -- whether
the reason might be that while she stripped, Hedda would never rest.
Thea would always be in her mind, and for a child who had struggled to
be noticed, wasn't that the ultimate coup?

Downstairs, Hedda and Jake sat in silence waiting for Thea.

Hedda smoked and drank, her stress-related headache raging, fuelled by
too much wine and emotion on an empty stomach. Jake did nothing; he just
sat. They heard Thea come down, get herself a glass of water in the
kitchen and come through to the living room. By the time she appeared
Hedda was standing by the fireplace; she felt it gave her more
authority.

Thea stood her glass on the coffee table and sat neatly and squarely on
the edge of an armchair, folding her hands in her lap. ' and I,' she
began, ' decided to go into business together."

"Business!' Hedda snorted. ' that what you call it?"

Jake placed a hand on her arm. ' don't we let Thea finish?' he said
quietly. Then we can try and talk it through.' Hedda said nothing, she
coldly removed her arm from his reach.

"We have been training to perform traditional striptease," Thea went on,
' we've put together an act, with costumes; had a set of photographs
done, the ones that you've seen; and we've hired a booker: Phil Habben.
We've got our first booking at the end of the week at a club in the West
End.' Thea reached for her water and swallowed down a mouthful. Her
throat was bone dry. This isn't some tin-pot idea, we've gone into it
all very professionally, with the backing and guidance of someone who
was at the top end of the market for many years.' Dolly had told her to
say that, if she had to explain to her parents. ' it's all above board
and legal. Once we're up and running we plan to hire an accountant.' She
reached for the water again and felt an icy silence in the room. Staring
straight ahead, she said, ' know that it's not exactly the sort of
career you'd had planned for me ...' At this point Hedda let out a short
sharp cry. '... but it is very lucrative, it means that I can work at
night and still look after Tom during the day and that, well, it's my
own thing ...' Her voice petered out and she dropped her head down,
unable to look at either Jake or Hedda. ''s what I want to do,' she
murmured, having completely lost her nerve. Tm sorry that it upsets you
so much." "You're sorry?' Hedda said. That it upsets us so much?"

Her voice was hoarse with the effort of holding down so much anger. She
shook her head in disbelief. ' sorry that it's a seedy, demeaning,
horrible thing to do, that it's the lowest of the low, that you've let
us down, thrown your life's opportunity away ... No, no, you're not
sorry for any of those things, just that you've upset us.' Hedda reached
for her wine and gulped down a mouthful. That's very considerate of you,
Thea, to be so concerned about our feelings."

"Hedda,' Jake warned. ' on, this is supposed to be a discussion."

"A discussion, is it? What is there to discuss?' Her voice rose as the
tight rein on her emotion slipped. Thea has made up her mind, she's set
the whole thing up and from where I'm standing there's bugger all we can
do about it!' Hedda turned to Thea. Tm right, aren't I? You have

no intention of giving this up because we disapprove, do you?"

Thea was paralysed by the intensity of Hedda's fury.

"Do you?' Hedda suddenly shouted. ' me!"

"N-no,' Thea stammered, ' ...' She couldn't finish, she had started to
cry. All the new-found confidence, all the self-esteem and steely nerve
deserted her.

"Good God!' Hedda cried. ' the bloody hell you think you're going to get
up on stage and take your clothes off to an offensive rabble of drunken,
braying men when you can't even argue your case to your own parents I
have no idea!' Hedda strode over to the coffee table and snatched up her
cigarettes. She lit one, then stood by the window, silently smoking and
looking out into the street.

Jake said, ' did you do this, Thea? If you wanted to earn money why
couldn't you have come to us and asked our advice? We'd have helped you,
we'd have done anything to make sure that you made the right decisions.

Please, just explain to me why?"

Thea dug in her pockets for a tissue and blew her nose.

She drank some more water. ''m sorry that I didn't ask you, but if I
had, what would you have said? Hedda wants Tom in a nursery full time
and I don't. Hedda wants me to go back to college and I don't. What sort
of job could I get where I can look after Tom myself and, providing
things go as we plan, where I can earn more than enough money to keep us
both? Maybe even buy my own place one day?" "Is that what you've been
told? That there's a lot of money involved?" "It's not what I've been
told, it's what I know! Phil has agreed a fee of two hundred pounds a go
for the first three bookings and that's only the beginning. If we're
good enough and the word gets round, then that'll go up to three hundred
then four hundred and finally maybe even a thousand a week."

"Is that what you think?"

"It's not what I think, Dad, it's what I know! Why do you keep asking me
if it's what I think, like I don't know the half of it?"

"Because, Thea, I'm seriously concerned that you don't!

The people in that business, in the sex industry, they prey on young
girls like you and Cora, on innocent young girls thinking that they can
make a lot of money for nothing.

They get them involved in drugs and God knows what else and before you
know it it's just another word for prostitution."

"Oh Jake, I know that side of it, we're both only too aware that that
goes on, but if we do it right, if we're careful, then--" "And what's
doing it right?' Hedda asked, turning round.

"What makes you two so special?"

"We don't know,' Thea said quietly, ' we try."

Hedda shook her head. ',' she said to Jake, ' can't get through to her!
She thinks she knows best, she thinks--"

"I think that we've got a good product, that's what I think.

We've worked hard, trained hard to get it right and I think that it
could be a success. We've got Phil with us, he checks out the clubs
first, makes sure that it's all above board, he drives us there, stays
out front to keep an eye on us, he's got to know the bouncers at the
clubs we're working in the next week so that we've got people on our
side ...' Thea stopped, short of breath. ''ve done everything we can to
make a success of this and if it doesn't work then fine, but we've got
to give it a go! Please, you must understand that!"

"Why?' Hedda demanded. ' must we understand that? Why do I have to
understand you going against all my principles, against everything I
believe in: rights for women, establishing them as real people with
brains and opinions, not just objects for sex and slavery, burdened by
motherhood, by male dominance. Why should I understand you doing
something that undermines all that? Tell me, Thea, why?"

Thea swallowed hard. ' ...' she glanced up at Hedda glaring down at her
and her voice trailed off. There was a long silence, with Thea staring
down at her hands and Hedda continuing to glare at her. Then, somehow
finding the courage from deep inside her, Thea said, in barely a
whisper, ' sometimes we have to swallow our principles in order to get
on with life."

"Swallow our principles!' Hedda cried. ' can't believe I'm hearing this!
What are you saying, Thea? That I should give up trying to live a
politically correct life in order to keep you happy?' Hedda came back
into the centre of the room and aggressively ground her cigarette out in
a big green glass ashtray.

"No, I ... "

Then what are you saying? Come on, out with it! Do I detect a veiled
criticism in that sentence? Do I?"

"She is saying,' Jake suddenly shouted, ' it is about time you stepped
off that fucking high horse of yours, Hedda, and got a grip on real
life! That is what she is saying!"

There was a momentary stunned silence, then Jake stood up and rubbed his
hands wearily over his face. ' our principles can be so far removed from
ordinary life that we lose touch, we lose sight of the real goals,' he
said. ' don't approve of what Thea is going to do, boy oh boy do I
disapprove, mainly because it scares the shit out of me, but I can see
where she's coming from and I can respect that she's got guts enough to
get out there and go for it!"

Hedda looked at him. ' you saying that you condone this whole affair?
Are you finally going to make a stand against me, Jake?" Jake faced her.
',' he said, ' is pretty much, more or less, what I'm saying."

Thea held her breath. She could see Hedda's jaw lock tight and the
sinews on her neck stand out as it did so. She watched her mother light
up another cigarette, her hand shaking, and inhale a deep lungful of
smoke, holding it down, then letting it out slowly and deliberately.
There was a minute-long, awful silence. Hedda and Jake looked away from
each other and the room was suffused with a sudden, intense, raw
emotion.

"Then you give me no choice,' Hedda said at last. ' would like both of
you to leave the house, now, tonight."

Jake jerked round. '? What on earth do you mean, leave?"

"Exactly that,' Hedda said coldly. ', the pair of you, pack your things
and get out of my house."

"Your house?"

"Yes,' Hedda said. ' think you will find that it's my name on the
mortgage documents, my name on the deeds.' She wrapped her arms around
her, suddenly feeling very cold.

"I am well within my rights,' she said, ' I want you to leave. Get out!"

"Hedda, have you gone mad?'Jake was incredulous. ' can't chuck a single
mother and her baby out on the streets at night and expect her to fend
for herself! Good God, Hedda! What the hell has happened to you?' He
stepped forward towards her and she jumped back.

"I told you to go!' she cried. ' if you come so much as one inch closer
I shall call the police and say that you've threatened violence!"

Jake glanced fleetingly at Thea; there was pain and disbelief in his
eyes. ', don't do this,' he said quietly.

"I'll go, but don't do this to Thea, please."

Hedda turned away. She walked across to the window and stood with her
back to them both. ' want you out by ten,' she said, without turning
round. ' am what I believe and if that means so little to either of you
then I no longer want you in my house or in my life."

Thea had stood and Jake took her hand.

"Hedda, please,' he tried, one last time. There was no reply. He
swallowed down a terrible overwhelming grief and, without another word,
led Thea from the room and upstairs to pack.

Jake and Thea sat in his car outside Gilbert House on Hubbert Road, Tom
asleep in the back in his car seat.

They had just collected the key from Cora at work.

"You OK?' Jake said.

Thea nodded.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you, help you up the
stairs with Tom?"

"No, thanks, I can manage.' Thea glanced behind at her sleeping baby. '
will be all right, won't you, Dad?"

Jake shrugged. ' course.' He undipped his seatbelt.

"Now look, you're not to worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm a grown-up,
remember?" Thea smiled.

"Anyway, she'll get over it, we've been through worse."

That was a lie and Thea knew it. ''ll be home by the end of the week."

Thea shook her head. ', I don't think so.'Jake winced.

"If you're there in the morning, I'll come back and get the rest of our
things,' she said. She reached forward for her handbag by her feet. '?"

Jake turned to her and was, for an instant, so strongly reminded of
Hedda as a girl that his heart felt as if it would burst.

Thanks,' Thea said, ' all that stuff about principles, for sticking up
for me."

He leant over and planted a kiss on her cheek. ' don't have to thank
me." "Yes I do,' she said. Tor a lot more than just tonight.' And
opening the car door, she climbed out, then reached into the back for
Tom. Within minutes she was gone, through the door and up the stairs to
a whole new and different life, a life that Jake really didn't
understand, but one that he had to respect, if he wanted a place in it.

Thea was just getting Tom off to sleep again when Cora came in. It was
after eleven, but she should have had another three hours to run on her
shift.

"Cora? What--" "I told them I was ill, got off early. You all right?!"

Thea nodded, but put her finger to her lips. Cora came across to the
bed, looked down at Tom and smiled.

"You look cold and shivery,' Cora whispered. ' on, get into bed and warm
up a bit." Thea did as she was told. ''s just being upset,' she said,
pulling the covers up to her chin. ' can't seem to get warm."

"Nah, course not.' Cora unzipped her jacket and hung it on the chair. ',
you're shiverin'!"

"I ... know ...' Thea murmured, her teeth clenched together.

Cora said nothing more. Pulling off her top and skirt, she unhooked her
bra and reached for her pyjama top. ' on,' she said quietly, ' up."

Thea shuffled closer to Tom. It was only a single bed and they had
agreed to sleep top to bottom, but Cora slipped in beside her friend and
turned towards her, embracing her.

"You need a cuddle,' Cora whispered. Thea nodded, and as Cora's body
began to warm her, the shivering eased.

She closed her eyes, silent tears squeezing out from tightly shut lids
as Cora murmured, ' now, it's all right. We're mates, aren't we? I'll
look after you.' Warm in each other's arms, the two girls eventually
fell asleep.

Chapter Twelve.

Jake had his head in the cupboard under Marian's sink, a toolbox by his
feet, a screwdriver in his hand. He was fixing the door.

"Coffee?"

He ducked out and knelt back. Thanks.' Taking the mug offered, he said,
', this smells delicious! I thought you didn't drink coffee."

"I don't, but 1 know you do, so I popped out to the deli to get you
some."

Thanks, Marian, that was kind."

Marian shrugged. ''s kind of you to fix my cupboard."

"It's the least I can do, I mean for putting me up at such short notice
last night.' Jake had phoned her after he'd left Thea. The truth was
that when it came down to it, he couldn't think of anyone else to ring.

Marian sipped her herbal tea and said nothing. She'd been surprised by
the phone call - no, more than that: she'd been shocked, but Jake was as
much her friend as Hedda, probably more so over the past few years.
There was something so righteous about Hedda, something unbending,
although Marian would never say so.

Jake put down his screwdriver and drank his coffee.

Here he was, his life in chaos, in Marian's bathroom, fixing the
cupboard door. It was bizarre. There's a lot that needs doing in this
flat,' he said. ''ve had a look round, you don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not, why should I mind?"

Jake shrugged. It would have driven Hedda crazy, the thought of all this
DIY. ' would say that my constant fixing of things is an excuse to try
and cover the gaping holes in my life."

"Hedda would say a lot of things that I wouldn't.' Marian smiled. ''m
just glad to have things mended." "Well, I kind of thought that I could
do it in return for putting me up. I mean on top of my share of expenses
etc."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jake! I'm not taking expenses off you, you can
stay as long as it takes to--' Marian stopped.

She'd been about to say: as long as it takes to patch things up with
Hedda, but perhaps there wasn't any patching to do.

"As long as it takes to get yourself sorted,' she finished.

"No, Marian, I couldn't possibly not pay my way, not share things
equally." Marian smiled again, only Jake couldn't see what was so
amusing. ', you and I will never be equal!' she said.

"You're a man, I'm a woman; you are married, I am single; you have a
child and a grandchild, I do not; I have a small private income and a
good job in local government and, well, I suppose that it'll take time
for you to sort finances out with Hedda and that you're probably a bit
chaotic at the moment, cash-wise. So' - she took his empty coffee cup -
''s forget all that crap, shall we? And just get on with it, you as my
guest and me enjoying a bit of male company for as long as it lasts.
OK?" Jake looked at her. ',' he said, "I had no idea that you could be
so forceful."

Marian arched an eyebrow. ',' she replied, ''m afraid that I think you
simply had no idea.' Leaving him to it, she went off to start preparing
breakfast.

Thea and Cora had been rearranging the bedsit for a couple of hours when
the downstairs buzzer went. They were clearing a space in the corner for
Tom's cot, having decided that the best arrangement was for Thea to move
in for a while, until they made enough money to get properly sorted. But
once they had cleared that space, they found that they didn't like the
way the furniture was grouped, so they moved the whole lot around, only
to find dirty torn patches on the wallpaper and stains on the carpet
they never knew were there. The bedsit needed a thorough clean and there
was an abundance of clutter strewn across the floor.

"Who the hell's that?' Cora snapped. Her head was down the back of the
bed where she was trying to clean the skirting. That's all we need,
visitors!" Thea went to the intercom and pressed speak. She heard Jake's
voice and released the door downstairs.

"My God! Your dad!' Cora wailed. ''s he gonna think of this mess!"

Thea came back to pick Tom up before she opened the door. ' won't mind
at all,' she said. ''s not like that.

Besides' - she stepped out on to the stairs to wait for Jake - 'he's got
enough to worry about, without thinking about this as well."

Cora straightened up and whipped the scarf off her head.

She heard the greetings outside and wiped her running nose on her sleeve
just as Jake came in, followed by a woman Cora had never seen before,
then Thea and Tom.

"Hello, Cora," Jake said. This is my friend Marian, I'm staying with her
for a while."

"Hi, I mean, erm, pleased to meet you.' Cora stepped forward, offered
her hand, felt acutely embarrassed and was relieved when Marian shook it
firmly and smiled.

"We've brought Tom's things,' Jake said. ' cot and stuff. Marian's got a
hatchback, we just got it in.' Jake glanced around. ', this place could
do with a lick of paint."

"Yeah, and the rest,' Cora said.
x
Jake smiled. Til do it for you if you like, tomorrow. I'll slap some
white emulsion on ...' He looked down at the stained grubby carpet. '
get you a rug for the floor."

"No? You're kidding!' Cora was astounded.

"No, I'm not kidding.' He smiled again and turned to Thea. ' take it you
plan to stay here for a while?"

"Yes. We've been trying to find a space to fit in another bed."

"Why don't you get one of those fold-up futon beds?" Marian said. ''s
sleeping on mine at the moment.

They're not exactly slumber heaven but it would do I suppose and it
folds into a chair."

"Yes, good idea.' Thea looked at Marian. Out of Hedda's shadow, she
seemed different somehow. ' we get some money.' She turned to Jake. ' we
get Tom's things? He's been pretty grouchy, I think he's a bit
disorientated." "Here,' said Marian. ' him to me and you can go down to
the car with Jake."

"He's a bit funny with strangers,' Thea answered. ' don't know if he'll
...' But Marian held her arms out and smiled and Tom reached for her.
Surprised, Thea passed him across. ', well, we'll be back in a few
minutes," she said.

Cora dumped her cloth on the bed. ''you want a cup of tea, Marian?"

Marian nodded. ' one. You wouldn't have any herb tea, would you?"

Cora looked blank. ' tea?" "Oh, never mind,' Marian said, Til drink
whatever you've got."

Smiling at this sudden change of heart, Thea went down with Jake to the
car.

"Are you all right, Dad?' she asked as they went out into the street.

Jake turned. ', I think so. Marian's going to put me up for a while, bed
and board in exchange for fixing up her flat. Sounds a reasonable offer
to me, so ...' He shrugged.

"You'll need to come and get your things from the house, I got Tom's but
didn't know where to start on yours."

Til do it in the next few days. Is that OK?"

"Of course.' Jake dug in his pocket for the piece of paper he'd brought
with him. ', here's Marian's number, you can phone me there any time,
Marian won't mind. We'll go over together.' He smiled wryly. ' Hedda
changes the locks."

"She won't do that."

"Won't she?' Jake felt bitter, far more bitter than he had expected to
feel. ' you heard from her? Hedda, I mean?"

"Yes, she rang last night."

"And?" "And I don't know really. She said she didn't retract any of the
things she'd said, but at least she rang. She wanted to know that Tom
and I were safe."

"How considerate!' Jake's sarcasm made Thea wince.

She'd never seen him like this before, ever. Then Jake said, ' well,
it's over now, what should I care?' He unlocked the car and went round
the back to open up the boot. ', come on, you take one end of this cot
and I'll take the other."

"What's that? In the cot?"

"It's a portable telly. Marian's. She's going to lend it to you."

To us? Why?"

"Well, not to you exactly, to me to be precise. I'll need something to
watch when I babysit the nights that you're working."

Thea stopped.

"Hey, don't stop, this is heavy!"

"Jake.' Thea put her end of the cot down on the ground.

"You don't have to, you Jake put his end of the cot down too and came
round it, taking Thea in his arms. Thea, I don't approve of what you're
doing,' he said gently. ' can't pretend I like it ... "

He broke off and looked down at her. ' worries the hell out of me, to be
honest, but the only thing I can think of to stop that worry is to make
sure that I'm around, looking after Tom, and you, and keeping my eye on
you both.' He smiled. That's very old-fashioned, isn't it? Hedda would
never approve.' His smile broke into a broad grin. ' Hedda,' he said.
For the first time since last night, they both laughed.

Chapter Thirteen.

What with Jake painting the bedsit, Marian bringing over all sorts of
odds and ends to make life more comfortable there, rehearsals, final
arrangements, Phil constantly chasing them with things to do, and
last-minute alterations to her costume because Thea had lost so much
weight with nerves, the day of their first booking arrived, it seemed,
before they had even had time to think about it. Thea woke on the
morning they were due to perform, climbed out of bed, taking care not to
wake Cora at the other end of it and went to the bathroom. There she was
promptly sick.

She staggered back to bed, where Cora, who was now awake, said, '
Christ! You're not ill, are you?"

"I don't think so.' Thea lay on her side, with her head hanging over the
edge of the bed. ' nerves, I think."

Cora climbed out, went to the sink and ran some warm water, soaking a
flannel. She brought it back to Thea. ', wipe your face. D'you want a
cup of tea?"

Thea shook her head.

"I think you'd better have one, and a biscuit.' She pulled her cardigan
over her pyjama top and crossed the room to fill the kettle. Tom was
still asleep, so she did everything silently and stealthily. The tea
made, she came back to the bed and sat on the edge of it. ', drink this.
I don't know why but they say that tea's good for the nerves."

Thea sat up, glanced across at Tom in his cot and took the tea. She
sipped. Her stomach turned but after the third swallow she did start to
feel marginally better. ',' she said. ' don't know what's come over me."

Cora tucked her legs up under her and hugged her knees.

"Stage fright,' she quipped. Thea didn't smile. '! Come on!' Cora said,
''re not really scared about tonight, are ya? You're the one who started
all this in the first place!"

Thea drank her tea, her head down, not looking at Cora, not answering
her. She felt the same churning in the pit of her stomach that she'd had
for days, her mouth tasted horrible, muggy and sour, and the thought of
taking her clothes off brought a sweat up on the back of her neck.

Thea?' Cora stared at her. ' to me! You're having me on, aren't you?'
There was a silence, a snuffle from the cot and Cora said, '!' She stood
up and went across to make herself a cup of coffee. ',' she murmured. ',
shit, shit.' She poured boiling water on coffee grains, added a heap of
sugar and leant back against the sink, sipping.

Then she came back to the bed and, standing over Thea, asked, ' gonna
back out?" Thea gripped the cup. ' don't know,' she said.

Cora took a towel off the radiator and her wash bag off the side. ' got
any change?"

"Yes, in my purse, help yourself."

"Right.' Cora did so, gathered up a bundle of clothes and headed for the
door.

"Cora?' Thea called. ' are you going?"

To have a bath and then call Dolly,' Cora replied, pulling open the
door. ' she can talk some sense into you."

Dolly didn't do what Cora had expected. On the phone she told Cora to
ignore everything and just focus in on herself and her part of the act.
At the final dress rehearsal in the club that afternoon, she said
absolutely nothing to Thea despite her poor performance and the obvious
fact that it had scared the wits out of her. In the dressing room that
night, half an hour before they were due to go on, as Thea sat alone in
the corner, made up and in costume but insistent that she just couldn't
do it, Dolly still didn't react.

Cora paced up and down in the corridor with Phil, angry, disappointed,
so wound up that she wanted to punch the wall, but Dolly sat with Thea
and stayed silent.

Ten minutes before they were due to go on, Dolly said, There isn't any
time left now, Thea. I'm afraid that you've got to go out and tell Cora
that you're not going to do it."

Thea looked up.

"It's not fair to leave it any longer, she's upset and anxious.

You must be honest with her. If you're going to let her down, tell her
now, so that Phil can go out front and warn the management and Cora can
get dressed."

Thea went to stand. ' just can't do it, Dolly,' she said quietly. T'm
sorry, I thought I could, I ... " "Cora thought she couldn't either.'
Dolly smiled. ' fact as far as I can remember you were the one who
talked her into it! It's disgusting, she said. It's just doing what we
do every night, getting undressed, you said, only it's in front of a few
onlookers and for money.' Dolly shook her head.

"I can hear you now. It was rather logical, I thought."

"I didn't know,' Thea said, ' hard it would be."

"No, of course not. It's been harder for Cora though, I think. She's
done it for friendship, because she respects and admires you, and she
thinks: Well, if Thea can do it, then so can I."

Thea looked at Dolly.

"Cora's a good friend, Thea,' Dolly said. ' I know because I've seen a
few mates come and go in my life."

Dolly stood too. ', there you are. Some things work out and some don't."

There was a sharp knock on the door and a voice shouted, ' minutes to
go, miss.' Both women turned and as they did so they were confronted by
Thea's reflection in the mirror. Yet again it astounded Dolly in its
sensuality.

They stood for a few moments and stared; Dolly smiled, shrugged
helplessly and looked away.

Suddenly Thea said, ''s my hat, Dolly? 1 can't go on without my hat!"

Looking back at her, Dolly touched her arm with affection and finally
opened the door. '!' she called out into the corridor. ', come and get
your lipstick on, darling, it's nearly time to go on stage!"

Cora and Thea stood behind the curtain, heard their name announced and,
exchanging glances, counted the first three bars of the music together.

"Break a leg,' Thea whispered.

"I bloody well hope not!' Cora replied.

The base beat strummed its rhythm, the sax started up and to the count
of four, Thea put a long, stockinged thigh out of the curtain. There was
a thin obligatory round of clapping; her hand went out, then her arm,
and on the count of eight, she stepped out into the glare of the lights.

Four beats later, Cora was behind her and they stood back to back, the
same height, one dark and voluptuous, one blonde and sleek. They turned
their heads, looked at the audience and dropped the straps on their
camisoles.

Another clap broke out, this time spontaneously, and at that moment, the
girls knew they had got it right.

"Blimey!' Cora gasped as the curtain went down and her chest rose and
fell rapidly with the struggle to breathe evenly. That was ... " Moments
later, Thea fell towards her and they hugged, breaking out into
breathless giggles.

With their arms round each other, they headed for the corridor and their
dressing room, the applause and wolf whistles ringing in their ears.

"Oh God ...' Thea panted, ' was unbelievable! I didn't think I could do
it, I really didn't! They loved it! They really loved it!"

Cora elbowed her hard. ' course they bloody well loved it, stupid! We
were brilliant!"

They were at the door of the dressing room and before they could get to
the handle, Dolly flung it open and embraced them both. '!' she cried. '
spectacular! Here, come on in, darlings, or you'll catch your death of
cold! Here, put these on, Phil ordered them for you!' She handed them
both a long white towelling robe.

"A surprise! Aren't they divine! Go on, get something warm on your
bodies before you perish!"

Thea and Cora wrapped themselves up.

"Was it really OK?' Thea asked. She reached for a bottle of mineral
water and gulped some down, swigging straight from the bottle. She
handed it to Cora.

"It was more than OK, it was fantastic!"

Phil knocked and came straight in, carrying Thea's hat.

She had taken it off and left it at the front of the stage for anyone
who might want to tip. It was stuffed with notes.

"Shit!' Cora murmured.

"No,' Phil said, ', hard cash!"

They all laughed. ' on then,' he urged. ' me how much!"

Thea leant forward and peered into the hat. ' don't know, a hundred?"

"Two seventy-five."

Two hundred and seventy-five quid?' Cora was dumbfounded.

"You have got to be having me on!"

"No, not in the slightest, Cora my love. This is a mid-to top-range
club, there are seventy rather drunk city gents out there and nearly
half of them tipped.' He laughed, ran his fingers through the notes and
dropped the hat on the side. ' were perfect,' he said. ', very classy.'
He sat down. ' the management want to book you for next week."

"Next week? That's brilliant!" "I told them no,' he said. "I told them
three weeks from now and if they advertise they'll get this place packed
to capacity. They agreed, so the next date here is October.' He took a
slim leather diary from the inside pocket of his jacket.

"We'll fill the remaining spaces easily. After tonight, I'd say there's
no doubt--' He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Standing, he went
across, opened it, paused, then said, ', there's a bottle of champagne
here for you."

"What, me?' Cora jumped up and hurried to the door.

She took the card with the bottle and held it, staring hard at the
writing. Slowly, she read out: To Silk ... please ... join ... us ...
for ... a ... drink.' Turning to Thea, she held the card out. That's
right, isn't it?"

Thea read. ', that's right."

Cora put the card back with the bottle. Tell the gentleman, thanks, but
another time maybe.' She closed the door, turned and looked at everyone.
' you all staring at?" she demanded. ''m not taking no drinks off
punters, ta very much! Don't know where it'll end, do I?" Thea smiled as
Cora came back to her seat, but nodded as Cora said seriously, ' gotta
have rules, Thea!"

"Quite right,' Dolly added. ' said, Cora!' She was gathering up her
things: handbag, jacket, the vanity case she'd brought with all her
ageing stage make-up in. '," she said, ' must go out front and be seen
while the girls get changed."

Phil, who had started bundling the cash and was counting, held up his
hand to indicate that he was almost finished. He put a rubber band
around the last pile of tenners and slipped the money into an envelope.
'. As agreed,' he said, Til hang on to this until the morning, then you
split half of it, after my fifteen percent, and we bank the rest along
with the cheque. OK?' Both girls nodded. T'm ready when you are, Dolly.'
Phil held out his arm and Dolly took it. ''ll be back for you in twenty
minutes. Lock the door after us and don't let anyone in, OK?"

Both girls nodded again and he blew them a kiss. TTFN, darlings!"

"Bye!' they called, and as soon as he and Dolly had gone, Cora stood up
to lock the door. ', he's a queer one, isn't he?' she said.

Suddenly Thea burst out laughing.

"What's so ...' The penny dropped and Cora dissolved.

Thea was helpless with giggles and Cora fell against the door, almost
hysterical. For a good five minutes they were paralysed with laughter.
Every time they were almost over it, they looked at each other and fell
about again. With tears streaming down her face, Cora slid down the door
and collapsed on to the floor, weak with hysterics. Finally, having
laughed themselves out, Cora got to her feet and came back to where Thea
sat. She slumped into a chair.

"Bloody hell,' she said, blowing her nose, ' wasn't even that funny!"

Thea wiped her face with a tissue, the giggles only just beneath the
surface.

"Seriously, though,' Cora said, looking at Thea in the mirror. ' and
Dolly are pretty close. It's a bit of a--" She stopped and giggled, '
nearly said queer again!' Thea snorted with laughter but brought herself
under control pretty quickly. ''s a bit odd, ain't it? I mean, have they
known each other a long time?"

Thea's face ached from laughing. She rubbed her hands over her cheeks
and massaged the muscles. ' think,' she said, ' Dolly hasn't told me all
the details exactly, but I think that Phil's partner owned the flat
above Dolly and left it to Phil when he died."

"What, Phil's bloke died?"

"Yes, Dolly's never said what of. But apparently she helped Phil to get
over it, supported him a lot, that's what he told me anyway. They've
been good friends ever since."

"So she got him involved with us?" "Yes, she thought it was ideal, for
him and us.' They had been talking to each other in the mirror and now
Thea turned to Cora. ''s been pretty good so far, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, I think so."

They turned back to the mirror and Thea picked up the tub of make-up
remover to start on her face. She looked at Cora. This has been pretty
good so far, hasn't it?" Cora nodded, then she smiled. ' you it has."
"Yes,' Thea said. Together.' She scooped a dollop of cream out of the
tub and smeared it on to her face.

Together,' she said, ' can do anything."

She handed the jar to Cora, who also took a handful, placing a large
blob on her nose and both cheeks. She looked at Thea. ' like this we
can't!' she said. And unable to stop themselves, they both dissolved
into helpless laughter all over again.

Part Two.

Chapter Fourteen.

Thea stood outside in the warm early May morning, in nightshirt and
wellies, watering her garden. The windows of the cottage were open, as
were the French doors that led to the kitchen. Tom!' she called over her
shoulder, in the direction of the house. Tom, 1 hope you're getting
dressed!' There was a silence. Tom?' Thea called again.

"YES!' came the reply, in exaggerated tones of exasperation.

"I AM!" Thea smiled to herself, dropped the hose on the ground and
turned off the tap. Kicking her wellies off, she went inside, lay a
place for breakfast and put the kettle on the Aga to boil.

She sat down at the table and looked around the kitchen of her cottage.
She had been here nearly three years now, and still she wondered at her
luck. It was bright primrose yellow, completely unfitted, just old pine
shelves, two dresser bottoms, a butler's sink (original), Aga and a huge
old scrubbed oak table. There was a clutter of mess: Tom's paintings,
her post, catalogues, magazines, newspapers; there was a drying rack
with herbs on; the pans, French cast-iron, hung from the walls on big
brass hooks and a cast-iron rail held all her cooking tools. This
kitchen was the heart of the cottage, the cottage she had always wanted:
a small 1840s brick-and-flint farmhouse, with three bedrooms, three
living rooms and a pitch-tile roof.

A home, for her and Tom, bought at a rock-bottom price and fitted
immediately with gas central heating.

"Can you do my collar, Mum?"

Tom stood in the doorway of the kitchen with his grey wool sweater
askew. Thea stood, tucked his shirt into his shorts, pulled the collar
of his shirt out over the top of his jumper and kissed the top of his
head. ', Rice Krispies or Shreddies?"

Toast."

"No, it's Krispies or Shreddies. We haven't got time for toast."

"OK. Krispies. Can I have sugar on them?"

"No, it rots your teeth.' Thea poured the cereal from the packet, added
milk and took the bowl across to the table.

"Here, sit down please.' Tom had found a Power Ranger on his chair and
was dive bombing the cat. Tom! Sit, please!

Breakfast's ready!' The cat snarled, Tom made whooping noises and Thea
snapped: Tom! Sit down!" He did as he was asked, muttering, '!' Thea
smiled because he really was very comical and because, quite simply, she
was happy, then went upstairs to dress.

Thea's life had turned out all right. And so, albeit differently, had
Cora's. The girls were still close friends, they still worked together
three nights a week and two days.

The nature of the work had altered: they had expanded their business
into a franchise of kinds, training girls in traditional strip-tease
routines that they choreographed themselves and taking a percentage of
the profits these acts earned, above and below the line. Phil still
worked with them, only he now headed up a team of bookers who booked the
new acts across the country and took a fifteen percent booking fee. His
team of bookers, five in all, Manchester, Birmingham, Glasgow, Leeds and
Newcastle, ensured the same degree of protection that he offered in
London, checking out clubs, driving the acts to and from their bookings,
making sure they were safe and well looked after. The business was
called Silk and Lace Limited, it was small, friendly and completely
legitimate.

Cora and Thea still performed. They were much in demand but had cut back
to three nights a week. In the beginning, after the initial huge
success, they had found themselves working six nights a week, packing
the clubs out and living the peculiar existence that shift workers live.
Tom had suffered: Thea had a great deal of money put away, but she was
anxious during the day, short-tempered and exhausted. They did that for
a year, got the business well under way and then started to think around
the act.

Thea had moved out of London a year after that. One sunny Saturday
morning, just after Cora had passed her driving test, they had driven
Tom down to the Sussex coast and got thoroughly lost. Thea had seen the
house for sale in a  small village east of Petworth, a village they
should never have been in and took its discovery as a sign of fate. She
had enquired about it, and found that the cottage was in perfect order,
albeit old-fashioned and in need of redecoration, but structurally
sound. So taking a large cash deposit out of the business, she had
secured a mortgage, guaranteed by Jake, and bought it.

"Mum!' Tom shouted up the stairs. ' Cora's on the phone!"

"Blast,' Thea muttered, closing her bedroom window on the scent of
lavender blossom and early honeysuckle. She smiled: Aunty Cora sounded
so funny! ' her I'll call her back, will you, Tom? We'll be late
otherwise!' She glanced in the mirror, grabbed a brush, ran it through
her hair and hurried for the stairs.

"She said she'll call you later,' Tom told her, sitting on the stairs
with his reading book. ', you forgot to write that I did my homework."

Thea took the book, scribbled a note for Tom's teacher in it, dropped
the pencil into her pocket and opened the front door. ',' she said. ',
homework?"

"Yup."

"Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Right, let's go then." They walked out to the car. ' door!' Thea said.
' forgot to lock it.' She threw the car keys at Tom. ', catch.' He
dropped them on the ground as she darted round the back of the cottage
to lock the French doors.

That done, she re-emerged through the front door and climbed into the
car. Tom was already in the passenger seat with his seatbelt done up.

"Did Cora say anything else?' she asked, starting the engine.

"Nope.' Tom was reading a Rupert Annual, one Jake had given to him. '
Cramps coming down tonight?" "He sure is,' Thea said. ' that doesn't
mean football until all hours and late to bed."

"Yes it does."

Thea glanced behind her and slammed the car into reverse. ' right,' she
said, ' does.' She jabbed out a finger to tickle Tom who burst into
shrieks of giggles. ' don't you dare be grumpy in the morning.' And
swinging the car round, they pulled out into the main road and headed
off to school.

Thea dropped Tom off a few minutes late, chatted for a time to one of
the other mums, then made her way back down the lane towards her car. As
she turned the corner, a black Land-Rover came racing up and took the
bend so close that she had to jump back and into the nettles. '!"

She had bare legs and the stings were sharp and intense.

"Bloody idiot!' she cried. The Land-Rover swung into the spaces in front
of the pre-prep; someone, she couldn't see who, jumped out, shouted at
two boys who climbed out after him and the three of them ran off towards
the building.

"Who on earth was that?' Thea exclaimed.

"Daniel Ellis,' Pascal Norden said. Thea turned. She didn't know Pascal
Norden but she'd heard of her. ''s new," Pascal went on, ' he's
absolutely gorgeous!" Absolutely gorgeous! Thea thought; shades of
Dolly. God, I can't wait to tell Cora. She said, ' he can't drive!"

Pascal laughed. ' you around on Saturday by any chance?' she said. T
know it's short notice but we're having drinks and supper, in the
garden, spur of the moment, as it's such nice weather." Thea smiled.
Spur of the moment meant someone had dropped out. She went through her
mental list of refusals and wondered which one to utilise.

"Daniel Ellis is coming,' Pascal said. ' could meet him and berate him
for nearly running you over. I'd say it was worth accepting just for
that!" Suddenly Thea laughed. ',' she said, Thanks, I'd love to come.'
What was she doing? She never accepted invitations!

"Good.' Pascal pressed the alarm pad in her hand and the lights flashed
on her car. The doors unlocked. Tm glad you're coming,' she said, ''ve
wanted to get to know you for ages."

"Oh, erm, have you?"

"Yes! You're an artist, is that right? Tom told Oliver."

"Yes, sort of."

"How wonderful! I'd love to see your work some time!"

Thea held down the urge to laugh.

"Seven-thirty then, on Saturday. We're at Mallow House, Widcomb. It's
casual, wear anything you like.' Pascal climbed into her car. '!"

"Yes, bye, and thanks!' Thea held up her hand to wave and carried on to
her own car. As she climbed inside, her mobile went; it was her work
phone.

"Dorothy Marsh.' Years ago, just after they started, Dolly had suggested
that Thea and Cora use pseudonyms for work. She'd said it would leave a
clear dividing line between work and their private lives which they
would eventually need and, as Thea had found out, she was exactly right.

"Hi, Thea, it's me!"

"Hi, Aunty Cora. How are you?"

"Oi! Less of the aunty, you! I'm only just a quarter of a century!'
Cora's accent had all but disappeared but every now and then it slipped.
Thea smiled. ', I'm fine thanks, Dorothy! You?"

"Yes, I'm well. I'm at school actually, on my way home.

What's up?" "Saturday,' Cora said. ''ve had a last-minute booking, a
party at the Mayfair Club. I know you don't usually work Saturdays but
it's big money and they really want us. Phil said no, but Lenny, the
owner of the club, rang me direct so I thought I'd give you a ring and
see what you said."

"If he really wants us, then why didn't he book us months ago? That's
what most clubs do, Cora."

"It's last minute apparently. This bloke, the one who's booked the club,
only rang up on Monday night."

"What, and Lenny's given him the club at such short notice?"

"Yeah, he's loaded. Some city type, just got a big payoff or something.
He said he wants a really class act, so Lenny asked us. It's a
fifteen-hundred fee."

That wasn't unheard of but it was about five hundred over the odds. ',
I've just accepted an invitation to a party, I literally just said yes!"

"Can't you cancel it?"

"Yes I can, I suppose ... "

"But?" "It's just that I said yes and it looks bad and, well, there's
this chap from school, he just nearly ran me over and I'd like to--"
"Say no more!' Cora said, laughing. ' it's a bloke involved then I'll
tell Lenny we can't--"

"No, Cora, wait! It's nothing like that!' Thea stopped. She thought for
a few moments, then said, ' time do they want the act?"

"About eleven-thirty. They've got a dinner first, then they've booked
the club from ten-thirty."

Thea's heart sank. ', I don't know, Cora, I hate staying out that late
at the weekend. I mean, Sundays are for Tom and ...' Thea also hated
letting Cora down. Cora was friends with Lenny, sometimes drank with him
after the act. ' it was earlier, I mean I ...' She really didn't know
what to do.

"Look, don't worry.' Cora hesitated for a moment, then said, There's
always Debbie."

"Debbie?"

"Yes, she's offered to cover for you any time you can't make it. She's
not as good as you, but if we rehearsed, I don't think it would make
that much difference. If you didn't mind, that is?"

"No, I, erm ...' Debbie was one of the girls they had been training up,
she was young and attractive, and she was good. But she was also silly
and irresponsible, and if it hadn't been for Cora striking up a
friendship with her Thea wasn't sure she'd have had her in the team. ',
I don't mind,' Thea said.

"OK, I'll ask her then."

"Make sure that Phil squares it with Lenny though, won't you?"

"Sure."

"Are you picking her up or is Phil?' It was one of the ground rules,
that the girls were always escorted to and from their bookings.

There was a brief tense silence, then Cora said, ', Thea, Phil's not
actually going to be there."

"What? Why on earth not?"

"He can't do it, he's got some long-standing engagement and he can't
work."

"I see.' Thea and Cora never worked without Phil. ''t he break it?' Thea
wasn't happy, she really didn't like the idea of Cora working without
Phil.

"Apparently not."

"Look, 1 don't know about this, Cora, we don't work without Phil, that's
the rule. No one works without their hooker."

"I know, but it is Lenny and the club is very up market.

Thea! How long have I been doing this? Come on, don't be so paranoid!
Besides, we've never, ever had any trouble there before."

"I know that but

"No buts, I know what I'm doing, all right?"

Thea was silent as she mulled it over. ' right. I don't reckon that much
can go wrong, can it?"

Cora laughed. ', of course not! Nothing can go wrong!

We've done this hundreds and hundreds of times now, what could possibly
go wrong?"

Thea still didn't like it, but despite this, she said, "Nothing.' Then,
as an afterthought: ' suppose."

It was Saturday night and Thea had organised Betty to babysit because
Jake had been down once that week already and she didn't like to ask him
at weekends. He had supported her throughout but he needed his own life,
now that things with Marian had taken on a new dimension.

Betty was a lady from the village, forty-nine, two grownup children and
in need of a small job to help keep things ticking over, now that her
husband had gone self employed. She had been working for Thea for two
years now, three days and two nights a week. She didn't know what Thea
did for a living, she had not been told very much and didn't like to
ask. She assumed it was something to do with the huge bold canvases that
Thea painted for relaxation in the garage and hence Thea's small
reputation as an artist had sprung up. Of course a trained eye would
have spotted a thoroughly bad attempt at art first off but only Betty
ever saw the work so that was never a problem.

Tonight, she knew that Thea was off out to the Nordens' party, and as
she let herself in and called up the stairs, Thea came out of the
bedroom in a short sleeveless black silk dress, make-up on and her hair
in heated curlers.

"Hello! Tom's in his pyjamas watching telly; Superman I think it is."

Betty nodded, then stood for a moment and stared. She had never seen
Thea dressed up ready to go out before.

When she was working, she went in jeans, made up before the show and
came home in jeans. When she wasn't she was very low key, wore nothing
showy, barely any makeup and nearly always flat shoes. It was a direct
contradiction to her working life. As she removed the curlers, Betty saw
that her hair had a fashionable kink to it, not the fuzz that always
resulted from heated rollers in Betty's own hair. Thea's skin too, her
bare legs and arms, had a light golden tanto it that Betty had never
noticed before. ' look very nice," she said. ' chic." Thea smiled.
Thanks. Don't look so surprised!' She took the last roller out and ran
her fingers through her hair.

"I'm off in a few minutes. Tom can stay up till eight but no later, OK?"

Betty nodded.

There's supper in the fridge,' Thea called as Betty went towards the
sitting room to join Tom, ' a glass of wine."

She went back into her bedroom, brushed her hair and wondered about a
bit of perfume. She decided against it. Leaning towards the window, she
also decided against closing it. Instead, she drew the curtains to keep
the bugs out and switched on the lamp. Now she would be greeted by the
smell of lilac through the window when she came home, it was better than
any perfume.

"Right,' she said, peering into the sitting room at both Tom and Betty
curled up on the sofa glued to the television.

I'm off."

"OK, Mum.' Tom didn't take his eyes off the screen so Thea walked in and
stood in front of it, blocking his view.

"Kiss please."

"Oh Mum!' He scampered off the sofa, darted across to her and Thea leant
down. He kissed her, throwing his arms around her neck and hugging her
tight. She closed her eyes for a moment and wondered why on earth she
was going out and not sitting next to him watching telly. ' on time,'
she said as he released her and leapt back on the sofa. ' Betty says so,
OK?"

"Yup."

Thea moved aside and he was once more goggle-eyed.

Betty stood and walked out into the hall with Thea. ' may be late,' Thea
said, ' again I may not.' She smiled. ' that OK?"

"Fine with me,' Betty said. ' just go and enjoy yourself."

She'd always felt sorry for Thea, going up to London in the week to
work, weekends at home with Torn, no boyfriends, no social life to speak
of except her friend Cora and her father. It was good to see her dressed
up and ready to go out; she could do with a bit of fun.

"Give us a poke if I'm asleep on the sofa when you come in. I said I'd
ring Norman and he'll come and walk me back home."

"I hope I won't be that late,' Thea said, smiling. ', I wouldn't dare
poke you, you might bite me!"

Betty laughed. ' on, off you go and have a nice time."

She stood by the door, hand on the catch, and watched Thea climb into
her car. Thea waved, started the engine and drove off.

Mallow House was originally sixteenth century. It had been added to over
the centuries and was now a notch potch of architectural styles that
lacked composition but had a great deal of charm. It sprawled, the main
part of the house long and narrow, beamed, with cross brickwork, its two
additional wings wider with high sash windows, and the back part added
on somewhere around the Victorian period, brick with a wonderful
detailed chimney. Thea loved it. She had parked, as instructed by a
sign, in a field to the right of the house and now walked up the cherry
tree-lined drive and looked over the gardens: uneven rolling lawns and
densely planted herbaceous beds. There was a hum of conversation coming
from behind the house and the sound of music: jazz, which made her
smile. Perhaps they'd ask her to do the entertaining. As she reached the
front door it was opened by a young man in black jeans and a white shirt
who said, ' you'd like to go round the side, madam, there's drinks and
Mr. and Mrs. Norden to receive you."

"Oh right, thanks.' Thea's stomach lurched. Drinks and some supper in
the garden, Pascal had said, casual, wear anything you like. She took a
deep breath and walked on.

Around the side was through a high iron gate and along a rose walk on to
a terrace at the back. ' anything you like' had obviously meant Versace
to most of the guests and Thea's confidence was boosted by her little
black dress.

When had the country got so townish? she wondered, and then a waiter
offered her a drink which she declined, seeing as there were only two
glasses of champagne on his tray and she had to drive.

"Would you like a soft drink?' he asked.

Thea nodded, glancing over his shoulder to try and locate her hosts. ''d
love an orange juice, if you've got one,' she said.

The waiter looked at her, smiled - a peculiar, rather startled smile,
she thought - and walked away. ' rude,' she muttered. Some caterers
considered themselves more important than the guests. Moving off the
terrace, away from the crowd, Thea found herself drifting down towards
the end of the garden. She couldn't see anyone she recognised and was
beginning to feel uneasy.

"Your drink, madam,' the waiter suddenly said at her elbow.

Thea spun round. ', crikey! You made me jump!"

The waiter burst out laughing. '!' he said. ' God, I haven't heard that
expression since my sister was at school!"

Thea's face set. She didn't mind a joke but this was patronising and
rude. Who did he think he was? ''m sorry? What would you rather I said?
Christ, you scared the hell out of me, asshole?"

The waiter stopped laughing. He caught the steely glint in Thea's eye
and took a pace back. Thea thought: Oh God, I've gone too far, I work
too many clubs, I'm out of place.

She flushed deep red, then put her hand out to his arm and said, Tm
sorry, that was rude. I'm just not used to parties, that's all, I don't
like them and I'm a bit uptight. Sorry."

The waiter glanced down at her hand. Her nails were perfect long ovals,
cut short as usual and buffed to a natural polish. She wore no rings at
all, no bracelets and only a small black Swatch watch.

"Apology accepted,' he said. ', would you like that drink?"

"Please.' Thea took her orange juice and wondered why he remained.
Still, she wasn't going to drive him away, she was just relieved not to
be standing alone.

"I don't know anyone,' she said, not wanting to stand in silence either.
''s embarrassing when that happens."

"Yes, yes it is.' He took a glass of champagne off the tray, dropped the
empty tray down by his feet and sipped.

Thea's eyes widened in surprise, she stared at him for a few moments but
when he seemed completely unfazed by this she looked away. ', I'm
terribly sorry,' she said, turning back to him.

"What, again?"

Thea suppressed her sudden irritation. Tm not sure you should be doing
this,' she went on, ' mean, standing here with me, drinking champagne.
You might get into trouble." "Really?' He smiled and it infuriated Thea.
' would standing here with you get me into trouble?"

Thea couldn't hold her temper any longer. ', really!"

she exploded. '--"

"Ah, Thea! There you are!' Pascal appeared, almost out of nowhere, and
bore down on them in a cloud of Calvin Klein scent. ' see you've met
Daniel Ellis! Well done, you're the only woman at the party who has so
far!"

She embraced Thea, kissing the air either side of her face.

"Daniel Ellis?' Thea stammered.

Tes! The man who nearly ran you over! Remember?"

Pascal shook a forefinger at the waiter and Thea flushed crimson. This
is Thea Marshall,' she said. ' you, Daniel my darling, very nearly
knocked her down with your appalling driving the other day."

"Ah.' Daniel Ellis looked at Thea. ' legs in the nettles," he said. Tm
terribly sorry."

"I think it deserves more than that,' Pascal went on. ' think it
probably deserves a dinner at somewhere very posh and expensive! She's
here to tell you off, you know. It was the only way I could convince her
to come!" Daniel continued to look at Thea, who continued to blush. Her
face pulsated. ' think she's already done that!" he said, and suddenly
he laughed.

"Did I miss something?' Pascal asked.

"No, of course not, Pascal!' He downed his glass of champagne in one. '
couldn't find me an unsuspecting waiter, could you? I'm gasping for
another drink!"

She looked momentarily affronted but, too polite to react, said, ', yes,
of course. If I can't lure you away to circulate."

"I'd rather stay here for a while.' He smiled at Pascal and Thea saw why
she'd called him ' gorgeous' a few days ago. He had that look: it was
clean and masculine but slightly awry, like his shirt, expensive yet
lightly creased, and his brown hair, well cut but uncombed. He had
shaved and missed a patch under his chin, and when he smiled, an easy,
warm smile, his eyes held a glint of dark blue humour. He ran his tongue
over his front tooth, just at the bottom where it was chipped, and Thea
thought he was the most attractive man she had ever seen. Not handsome,
just powerfully attractive. She stared at him for the few moments more
that he smiled at Pascal and then, as he looked back at her, she glanced
away.

"So why,' he said, ' standing here with you get me into trouble? You
didn't answer my question."

That was unfair,' Thea said, turning back to him. She almost instantly
wished she hadn't. His gaze was so intense that it took her breath away.
' posed as a waiter and made a fool of me,' she went on, staring down at
her drink.

"It was unkind."

"No, I didn't, in defence of your first two accusations, and no, it
wasn't, to your third. I didn't pose as a waiter, you mistook me for
one; I didn't make a fool of you either, how could I have done? There
was only us two involved and I certainly don't think you a fool.
Attractive yes, possibly the most attractive woman I've ever seen and
unbelievably sexy when you blush, but definitely not a fool. And no, it
wasn't unkind, it was rather funny actually."

Thea looked up. She had heard more chat-up lines than she cared to
remember - most, if not all, were immediately forgotten, should never
even have been uttered in the first place - but this, this was
ridiculous, insulting almost! She started to reply, sharply, when Daniel
said, ' don't like parties either, and the only reason I accepted was
because Pascal told me that you'd be here. I'm not very good at this
sort of thing, I don't do dates, I was married too long for that, so
what I've just told you is the absolute plain truth."

Thea was about to interrupt, but he stopped her. ', let me finish,' he
said. ''m a barrister and we must have our say. I've seen you at school,
for months I've wanted to speak to you but you're so damned aloof I
never got the chance. So here we are. There's a back way out of this
place, along the side of the duck pond at the bottom of the garden and
through the gate into the meadow. My boys told me, they've been here for
tea. Dad, they said, if it gets too much and Mrs. Norden keeps talking
at you, then there's a secret way out. They drew me a little map."

Daniel dug in his pocket and brought out a piece of paper.

"Here, the first piece of evidence.' He handed it across to Thea. ' we
do a runner? Before Pascal gets back?"

Thea looked at the map, read the small, neat handwriting and the
signatures underneath. She folded it, handed it back and thought for a
few moments. It was probably a mistake, there was no good reason for
doing it, it was rude and childish and she would have to face Pascal on
Monday and make an excuse. But there was no denying the sharp,
exquisitely painful longing she felt when he spoke and now, when he
smiled at her, she saw that his tooth was not only chipped but slightly
crooked as well.

"All right,' she said. ' don't expect me to navigate. 1 gave up
Geography for Latin."

Daniel took her hand, glanced over his shoulder and, seeing the all
clear, led her off in the direction of the pond.

"Oh dear,' he said, ' did I.' He pulled her close. ' mind, as long as we
get through that gate we can be lost for days as far as I'm concerned.
In fact' - he took the map out of his pocket and suddenly scrunched it
into a ball, throwing it high up over the trees to the pond - ' think
it's preferable,' he said.

Once through the gate, halfway across the meadow and out of sight of the
house and garden, Thea and Daniel stopped to look back. They could just
see the top of Mallow House, hear the buzz of distant conversation and,
suddenly, they both began to laugh. They stood in the middle of a field
in the warm summer evening and laughed until they were helpless, hot and
weak with hysterics. Then Thea wiped her face on her bare arm and Daniel
took the arm, running his tongue along the smooth supple flesh. Thea
shivered.

"Salty tears,' he murmured. Locking his fingers in hers, he pulled her
towards him and kissed first her hand, then her mouth. ' have two boys
at home,' he said, gently pulling away. ' can't go there."

"And I have one boy and one Betty.' Thea moved away from him. Her heart
was pounding so hard in her chest that it was making her breathless. She
took a lungful of air.

Tve never done this before,' Daniel said. ' mean, so soon, I don't know
the--' Thea silenced him with the tip of her finger. He sucked it.

"Where's your car?' she asked. She had never done it before either but
she didn't want to say so, she sensed that she needed to be in control.

"My car?' He was surprised. ''s in the field."

"Well,' Thea said, moving back towards him, ''s go for a drive,
somewhere quiet, remote.' She put her hands on his face and eased it
down towards her own, briefly kissing his lips. This was insanity. She
had no idea why she was doing it, but she didn't care. The attraction
was too strong, too sudden and extraordinary to resist.

Daniel smiled. ' you serious?"

She nodded and smiled back. ' serious,' she murmured.

"What else would you use that bloody great car for?"

Daniel pulled the Land-Rover into a small parking space carved out of
the trees at the end of a narrow unmade-up lane, right under the dark
green shadow of the Downs.

He stopped the car, switched the engine off and they sat in silence. The
light was fading, there was the fresh heavy scent of woodland, leaf
mould and damp air, and there was silence. Not a sound, except their
breathing.

"I know nothing about you,' Daniel said. "I can't believe I'm doing
this.' He turned to Thea. Her skin had a sheen to it and as he reached
out to touch her arm he thought it looked and felt like satin.

Thea stared at the velvet cushion of the land, great pillows of emerald
darkening with the movement of the clouds across the sky in the fading
light. ',' she said, ' can I."

His fingers stroked her shoulder and she wondered how long it was since
she had been loved. Years. Not since Hal, not once since Hal. She wasn't
sure she had the nerve to go through with it, if they hadn't lost
something in coming here, planning it. Then Daniel said, ' should we do?

Shall I put my seat back or something?' and it was so plain and
unromantic, so honest and nervous and unpretentious that she turned to
him and without hesitation, leant forward to kiss him. He caught his
hands in her hair and the kiss deepened.

"I think,' she whispered, pulling back, ' things will just happen."

"Will they?"

She nodded, reached behind her and unzipped her dress.

Then, kneeling up on the seat, she lifted the dress over her head.

"Jesus!' Daniel whispered. She wore just a lace thong underneath. In
that and her heels, she moved across and straddled him.

"You see?' she murmured as he took her nipple in his mouth. But that was
the last thing she uttered. In the time that followed, there was no
energy or space for words.

"So, Thea Marshall,' Daniel said, tracing the outline of her collar bone
with his fingertip. ' I know you intimately in the physical sense, I
should like to know you intimately in the mental sense.' They were
naked, lying in the back of the car, their limbs tangled together,
Thea's head on Daniel's chest. Tell me all about yourself."

"What, all about myself? Like my O level grades and when I went to
France with the school, that sort of thing?"

"Well, not exactly that sort of thing, but I'll let you be the judge."

Thea shuffled and turned on to her side. She propped herself up on her
elbow and nearly knocked Daniel off the seat. ' think - oops, sorry,'
she said as he righted himself. ' think that I've done enough of the
verbals tonight, don't you?" Daniel smiled. ' rather liked that moaning,
it was--' He broke off for thought. '!"

Thea poked him. ' rotter!"

He laughed.

"I think that you should tell me all about yourself," Thea said. ' with
your boys and work backwards if you like."

Daniel was silent for a while. ' you sure?"

"Yes, go on."

"Right, well, I've got two boys at the Marlow Prep, Charlie and Wills,
seven and eight and a half.' There was another brief silence but Thea
couldn't see Daniel's face. ' wife died three years ago, she was killed
in a road accident ... " "Oh God, I'm so sorry,' Thea said. ' didn't
know."

Daniel stroked her hair. ''s OK, I find it easier to deal with now. That
old adage: time and healing etc.' There was another silence. It seemed
to go on for ever, then Daniel cleared his throat and said, ' - the
boys, a rather dopey but endearing nanny called Petula, who has been
with us for four years and whom I could not bear to part with, despite
repeatedly making me late for school and hence work through her lack of
organisation - we, live in Hornsby Ash, in the Willow House, and I am a
barrister, working in a Chambers in Chancery Lane.' He stopped stroking
and tweaked Thea's earlobe. ' your turn."

"Oh God, really?"

"Yes, really."

"I don't know if there's much to tell,' Thea said. ''ve got one boy,
Tom, five, at Marlow Pre-prep, and I'm single, always have been."

"Why?"

"It never worked out with Tom's father."

"Hmmm. Do you still see him?"

"No, not really. He keeps in touch with Tom - Christmas, birthdays - but
it's no more than that. He's got his own life, we're not really part of
it."

"Does that matter?"

"No, not at all!"

"Hmmm,' Daniel said again.

Thea was getting edgy. She hated talking about herself.

She had no intention of telling the truth - where the hell would that
get her in a place as small as this? ' does "Hmmm" mean?' she asked.

"Nothing. And you live?"

"In West Burton."

"Ah."

"What does "Ah" mean?"

Daniel looked down at her. ' it!"

"Stop what?"

"All this paranoia! You've got nothing to hide, have you?"

"Of course not!"

"You're not the great axe murderer of Bignor swamp, are you? About to
chop my head off and drop it in a bog?"

Thea started to laugh. ', that's better!' Daniel turned towards her and
kissed the tip of her nose. Thea, can I see you again?' he asked. '
tomorrow? Or the next day, or the day after that?"

Thea held her breath. ' don't know,' she said. ' I call you?"

Daniel turned her face up to look at him. ' course you can call me, but
the answer had better be yes, Thea. I really, really have to see you
again. OK?"

Thea closed her eyes and imagined, just for the briefest nano-second,
that things really could work out for them together. Then she opened
them on reality and shrugged.

"We'll see,' she said. ''ll see."

Thea wasn't late in. Betty was watching the Saturday night movie on the
television when she put her head round the door. '. Everything OK?"

Betty looked up. ', hello. Yes, fine. You're back early, I didn't hear
your car."

"No, I had a couple of drinks at the party and someone brought me home."

"Oh really? Who?" Thea sighed and came into the room. ' Ellis, his boys
are at school with--"

"Yes, I know Daniel Ellis, the barrister chappie from Hornsby Ash.
Everyone knows everyone round here. Norman does the odd job for him.
Nice man, dreadful shame, and still young."

Betty shook her head. ' well, nice of him to bring you back.' She got to
her feet and rubbed her back. Til ring Norman if I may?"

"Of course."

Betty came out into the hall and picked up the phone.

"You friendly with him then?' she asked as Thea went through into the
kitchen.

"Not particularly,' Thea replied, '--' But she was interrupted by the
line connecting and Betty talking to Norman.

Saved, she thought, putting the kettle on for tea, but for how long, she
had no idea.

Chapter Fifteen.

Cora was ready to go. Like Thea, she rarely wore anything to travel up
to London for work except jeans and a T-shirt but tonight it was too hot
for jeans and so she wore the coolest thing she could find in her
wardrobe: a short, light, floral silk dress, with shoe-string straps and
a skirt that flared out over her narrow hips and ended just above the
knee. She put on a pair of flat ballet pumps, changed them for
high-heeled strappy sandals, then took those off and decided to drive in
plimsolls.

Leaving her bag by the front door, she went across to draw the blinds on
the balcony windows, then on the skylights in her bedroom. She glanced
round the flat, rearranged the big glass vase of red amaryllis and
finally switched on the lamps. She hated coming home to a dark
apartment; she liked it lit up like a fairground.

Cora's flat in Chichester was as near to Thea as she could get without
being rural. Cora didn't do rural. It was the entire first floor of a
row of three church cottages, which a visionary and slightly misguided
architect from London had designed and redeveloped into one large
wood-floored living space divided by glass brick walls. It was light,
owing to all the windows and skylights; airy, owing to the lack of doors
and the lack of clutter, but it was totally inappropriate for
Chichester's large retired population. The architect had built it and
then been lumbered with it, unable to sell. The property market had
slumped and Cora had bought it only days before he was about to go
bankrupt. She'd got herself a real bargain.

And Cora loved it. She wasn't a cottage type, she wasn't even
particularly homely. It was Phil bullying her to invest her money that
had convinced her she should buy and now she had, she wouldn't have
swapped it for the world. It was the first and only real home Cora had
ever had. All she had to do to move in was buy a bed and a sofa and that
was pretty much all she had now, two years later.

Making her way to the front door, Cora checked her face in her bronzing
powder compact. She removed a smudge of lipstick from the side of her
mouth with her perfectly manicured fingertip and shut the compact with a
sharp click. Cora had changed so much that sometimes these days she
hardly recognised herself. She was chic and smart, revelling in the
designer labels that Thea had no time for.

She had manicures and pedicures, facials and aromatherapy massage. She
had reflexology and worked out regularly at the Goodwood Country Club.
She was blonde and sleek, she had an air of confidence that years ago
she would never have dreamt possible, but somehow, underneath all this,
beneath the polished accent, the glossy veneer, she was still as fragile
as the days of the pink fur coat. She still didn't know who she was or
what she was worth.

It was different for Thea; Thea had Tom. She had a structure to her life
and a purpose. They both worked hard, Cora and Thea, had worked bloody
hard over the first three years and Thea spent her money wisely: on
Tom's school, on investments, on her future. Cora wasn't even sure she
had a future. What man was going to take on a stripper for a wife? The
sort of man who came to gawp and crow, who cruised the clubs and slipped
tenners into her shoe or threw fifty-pound notes into the hat for show.
That's what sort of man. It was all very well, the business she was in,
Cora thought, she'd been successful, more successful than she ever
imagined, but it was hardly choice, all the groping punters and the
stale whiff of sex.

Thea rose above it, she had a reason for it all, but what reason did
Cora have, except the money? And what good was money for money's own
sake?

Cora glanced at her watch. She spent too much time thinking nowadays, it
was probably all that reading she did. There was a job to be done
tonight, no time for dawdling, for thinking herself into a hole. She
bent to pick up her bag and rummaged in it for her car keys.

Locating them, she clutched them in her hand and slung the bag over her
shoulder.

"Bye-bye, flat,' she said, but it seemed to echo and made her feel
lonely, so she shut the door quickly and went down the outside staircase
to her car.

Cora collected Debbie at the house she shared in Tooting and together
they headed up the A3 towards central London. They chatted a little on
the way but the traffic was heavy so Cora had to concentrate and it was
tough going. They made it to Mayfair at ten where Lenny had reserved a
parking space for Cora right outside the club.

"Good old Lenny,' she said, spotting the grey authorities bag he had
slipped over the meter to stop others from using it. ' you pop out and
get one of the boys to take the bag off for me, Debbie? Just go in the
front and one of them will come out with you. OK?"

Debbie jumped out of the car and walked into the club.

Cora wasn't happy with the way she was dressed: tight black mini-skirt
(if you could call it a skirt), bare legs, high-heeled shoes and a crop
top. She looked young and tarty and if she hadn't been so nervous, Cora
would have said something.

But as it was, Debbie was obviously petrified and Cora didn't want to
upset her further. They had an act to perform and for the amount of
money on offer tonight, she couldn't afford for it to be marred by upset
or nerves. She waved as one of the bouncers came out to do the meter and
drove into the space as soon as he'd finished.

Slipping her plimsolls off, Cora bent to fasten her sandals before she
climbed out of the car. As she did so, she showed a long expanse of
thigh and high heel and was embarrassed to see the bouncer gawping.

Til keep my eye on it,' he said, jangling change in his pocket.

"Oh, erm, right.' Cora didn't know him, he was new and she wasn't at all
sure about the way he looked at her. Thanks,' she said. Then,
straightening her dress, she nodded at him and went on inside the club.

"Evening, Cora!' Lenny came forward and kissed her cheek as she entered
the darkness. ' are you?"

"Fine, fine, thanks, Lenny. You?"

"Can't complain, Cora love, not with business like this coming my way."

"No, I expect not."

"I've met your lovely young lady there, Cora, I was just getting her a
drink. What'll you have?"

Cora glanced across at Debbie who was up on a bar stool chatting to the
barman and showing the odd flash of red knickers.

"Nothing, thank you, Lenny,' Cora replied. ' nothing for Debbie either,
thanks, I've got a bottle of water in my bag and we need to start making
up. Thanks all the same.

Debbie?"

Debbie glanced across.

"Come on, no time to waste, I'm afraid,' Cora said. She handed Debbie
her bag and with a gentle hand in the middle of her back, propelled her
towards the back of the stage.

Backstage, Cora said, ' love, we don't usually sit up at the bar when
Phil's here, it doesn't look good, it sort of invites the wrong
impression."

"But Phil's not here tonight, is he?' Debbie glanced over her shoulder
at Cora. ' it doesn't matter what sort of impression we give, does it?"

"Well, it's not as simple as that, it's not Phil we should be concerned
with, it's--' Cora broke off. She could see that Debbie wasn't listening
to a word she was saying. She was staring at her nails and buffing the
bright red polish up to an implacable gloss. ' mind,' Cora said. There
was plenty of time to talk about this after the performance. ' on, into
the dressing room, you'd be amazed at how long it takes to get that
make-up even over your backside!" The act went surprisingly well. That's
what Cora told herself as she followed Debbie back stage, sweating and
pulsing with the adrenalin. Debbie wasn't Thea, she didn't have Thea's
grace or sensuality, but what she lacked there, she made up for in cheek
and sexiness and she had managed to carry it off, despite a couple of
wrong moves and missed bars. Cora was pleased; she wouldn't like to
repeat the experience, but the standing ovation and the hat full of cash
were a clear indication that it had been a success.

Inside the dressing room, she kicked off her shoes and pulled on her
towelling robe, then sat to peel off the stockings. She glanced up at
Debbie, standing naked, drinking from the bottle of water, and said, '
you bring something to put on Debbie?"

"No, I don't normally."

"I see.' Cora said, tight-lipped. Thea and I usually sit and relax for a
while before we take our make-up off. I find if you've been sweating you
can get cold very quickly.' Cora wasn't into nudity, she liked to draw a
distinct line between work and leisure, but Debbie missed the subtle
hint.

"Oh, right,' she said, but she did nothing to cover herself up and Cora
held down a flash of irritation. It wasn't worth it, she'd be home
before too long, tucked up on the sofa with a nice glass of wine and a
good book.

There was a knock on the door and she walked across to open it.

"Debbie, I don't think ...' But Cora was too late, she had opened the
door and was smiling at the new bouncer. He took a pace back, then
smirked at Debbie.

I've got a message,' he said, ' a party of gentlemen out front. They'd
like to know if you ladies would join them for a drink."

Cora stood up. She pulled her dressing gown a little tighter round her
body and walked across to the door.

"Debbie,' she said coldly, ' something on please.' She faced the
bouncer. ' you please say thank you but no, perhaps another time.' And
closing the door, she locked it and turned to Debbie.

"Rule one,' she said, ' never answer the door in costume, and that means
naked, OK? Rule two, we never have a drink out front." "But that barman
said earlier that you drink with Lenny whenever you work here. He told
me you were a regular at his bar."

"Well, that just goes to show you how the wrong impressions can be
formed, doesn't it?' Cora was cross; Debbie was overstepping the mark. '
sometimes have a drink with Lenny after the show and only ever as his
guest at a special table he reserves for entertaining. I never sit at
the bar.' Cora told herself mentally to calm down. This was stupid, she
was getting riled about nothing; she was tired, it was late and she was
uneasy without Phil.

"Come on now, Debbie, let's just get showered and dressed and go home.
All right?' Debbie was leaning against the dressing table and Cora could
see the reflection of her bottom, brightly lit by the twenty bulbs
around the mirror. ' on,' she said again, a bit more kindly, ''m
exhausted."

Debbie looked down at her nipple. Td like to have a drink with the
gentlemen out front,' she said. ' it's all right with you." Cora tensed.
She took a deep breath and said as calmly as she could manage, ', it's
not all right, I'm afraid. I have no wish to do that and you are not
going to drink out front on your own."

"Why not?' Debbie had a truculent, defiant look in her eye that reminded
Cora of Tom.

"Because it doesn't reflect well on Silk and Lace Limited, that's why
not. You are our employee at the moment, that is until you buy your own
franchise for the act, and we don't allow employees to fraternise with
the punters."

"It's hardly fraternising! It's only a bloody drink!"

"It may start as a drink but you never know where it'll end up, so it's
best not to take the chance. OK?"

Debbie shrugged. ' I'm not an employee twenty-four hours a day, so if I
want to drink in here on my own free time then it's my business, isn't
it?"

This was beginning to annoy Cora; she really didn't have the patience
for it. ', Debbie,' she began, ' I have to spell it out for you? You are
eighteen and I have no intention of letting you go out and drink with a
bunch of rowdy drunken men on your own."

"Then you'll have to come with me,' Debbie fired back, ' look after me.
That's what my booker would do, isn't it?"

Cora gritted her teeth. ' am not your booker!"

"No, but you are responsible for me, aren't you?"

"Only up to a point!' Cora snapped. But Debbie was right; of course she
was responsible for her, she wouldn't dream of letting a young girl
loose in a club like this, particularly not after a performance. ',
Debbie.' Cora decided to try again. ' have just stood on a stage and
performed a very erotic act; those men are aroused by you, they think
you're it. Believe me, they'll be salivating all over you."

"That's half the fun, isn't it? The power!"

Cora dropped her head in her hands. There was no getting out of this.
Debbie had dug her heels in and she was going to have a drink, whether
Cora liked it or not.

"All right,' Cora said, ''m not going to stand here and argue all night
with you about it, we'll go for a drink, if that's what you want, but I
think you'll find that it's not quite as glamorous as you'd imagined.'
She pulled her robe off and dropped it on the back of the chair.
Reaching into the sports bag for her pot of make-up remover, she rubbed
it all over her face, then started on her body. ' it's one drink, that's
all, just one!' she warned. ' one, you're on your own!"

But of course it didn't turn out like that, one drink led to another,
then another, and although she had said it, Cora was too responsible to
leave Debbie on her own after the first drink. So she stuck to Perrier
water, because she was driving, and sat quietly, keeping an eye on
Debbie but ignoring the party as best she could. Debbie was going for it
in a major way. She downed two double vodkas in a matter of minutes and
then a bottle of tequila was produced for tequila slammers. She took the
first go, did it to much applause and as Cora stood up to intervene, a
voice at her side said, ''m not sure if I should stop it, what do you
think?"

She turned.

"Oh, sorry, Jason Wakes.' A young man held his hand out to her, a young
good-looking man, tall and slim and blond, like her. ''s my party but I
don't want things to get out of control."

Cora took his hand and noticed how smooth it was. He had a large signet
ring on the little finger of his left hand, it was stamped with his
family crest and it dug into her palm as they shook

"Corinne White,' she said She never gave her real name "I think you
should intervene, then perhaps I can get off home'

He smiled ' enjoying yourself7'

She looked across at the rabble of men, mostly drunk, dishevelled and
jostling for Debbie's attention in a way that looked pathetic ' ' She
looked back ' you7'

"Not really' They dropped their hands down and he dug his in his pockets
' wasn't my idea, someone booked it for me Not my scene really -- Oh,
erm, I didn't mean ' He pulled a face, embarrassed ' act was very good,
it wasn't that, I liked that bit, it's just Cora smiled ''s OK, I get
your drift1'

Debbie was on her third tequila slammer She had taken her top off in the
few moments that Cora had looked away and the party were laying bets

"A river to take it off,' Cora heard Someone was acting as bookie ' the
hell's she doing7' she exclaimed

"I think they're betting that if she doesn't drink the slammer, she's
got to take her bra off,' Jason said

"Oh no1' Cora moved forward, but the men around Debbie were several
bodies thick She elbowed her way through, digging her heel into several
pairs of highly polished brogues as she went and got to the front just
as Debbie picked up the third tequila slammer She raised it to her lips,
the crowd went suddenly silent and as she opened her mouth her eyes went
blank and she toppled backwards

"Christ1 Cora leapt forward and knelt down by her side "Debbie7 Debbie7
Are you all right7' She gently slapped her cheek '7' She let out a sigh
', party's over, boys," she called out ' keeps her top on and you keep
your money ' Debbie was out cold With the help of Jason Wakes, Cora got
Debbie into the front seat of her car and strapped her in She wound down
the window so that some cool air would blow on her face and put a
carrier bag on her lap in case she threw up Til wait here with her, if
you want to go in and get your stuff,' Jason said Cora nodded Thanks, I
won't be long' She ran into the club and made her way through to the
back to collect their bags She was so quick that no one saw her come and
go

"Great, thanks again,' she said to Jason, opening the boot and chucking
the bags in ' knows how I'm going to manage her the other end, I've
phoned her house but there's no one there ' She slammed the boot shut
and came round to the driver's side

"Look,' Jason said, ' don't I hop in the back and give you a hand
dropping her off You can either run me back here or 1 can get a cab back
You could do with some help by the looks of things, especially if she
starts puking up '

Cora hesitated God, where was Phil when she needed him7 It was sod's law
that the only time he wasn't with her, this had to happen ''s really
kind of you to offer, but I '

"It's no trouble, really I'd like to help, I feel sort of responsible
for those pricks in there ' Jason was standing in his shirt sleeves with
his jacket over his arm. Tm ready to go now. I've settled up, I've got
my jacket ... "

"Oh, all right then.' Cora made a flip decision. Thanks, 1 could really
do with the help."

She got into the driver's seat and Jason let himself into the back of
the car. ' does she live?"

Tooting, would you believe?" Jason smiled. ' I would believe."

Cora looked at him in the rear-view mirror and smiled back.

"What about you?' he asked.

"West Sussex.' She didn't like to give much away.

The too! What a coincidence! Horsham actually, I bought a house on this
new development, Berkeley Homes, very upmarket. It's an investment
really, I'll live in it for a couple of years and then sell."

"Right."

"I've kept my flat in London, I use it mid-week if the work's tough."
"Really?" Jason smiled. ''s OK, I won't talk to you if you don't want me
to. Another duff punter, I suspect."

Cora pulled up at the lights and glanced behind her.

"Oh no, it's not that, it's ...' She saw him grin and shake his head. '
right,' she said. ', but we do get quite a lot of them. It's nice of you
to help.' Still he grinned. ', I mean it, it is nice, thanks." The
lights,' he said.

"Oh yes!' Cora shoved the car into first and pulled off.

"You're not a Sussex girl though, are you? That accent, or rather trace
of it, it's London I'd say." Cora suddenly smiled again. ''ve not had
elocution lessons, I've just got a very posh friend. I picked it up from
her."

The one who usually does the act with you?"

"Yes. How did ... ?"

"My mate who booked the club told me about you. I just guessed that
Debbie here wasn't your usual ...'he stopped.

"I'm lost for words. Wasn't your usual what? Teammate?

Fellow artiste?"

"My usual partner."

"Oh right, that's it. Sorry."

That's OK."

They fell silent for a while. Cora drove, Debbie lay inert, breathing
heavily through her mouth, and Jason looked out of the window.

"How long have you been stripping, Cora?' he asked, sitting forward.

"A few years."

"D'you enjoy it?"

She looked round.

"Sorry, only asking.' He laughed. ' it."

"No, no, it's OK, I'm paranoid, that's all, don't like talking about
myself. Sometimes I enjoy it. We don't perform very much any more, once
or twice a week only. We train mostly, it's a business and I like that
side of it more.' She stopped at another set of lights and turned. '
about you? What do you do?"

"I work in the City, I head up a Eurobond fund."

"Sounds very clever. D'you like it?"

"Sometimes." They both smiled, the lights changed and Cora drove on. She
liked him, she decided, he was nice, nice and ordinary, not pushy at
all. She took a packet of mints from the dashboard, had one herself and
offered them back.

Thanks.' Jason took one and left the packet in the tray between the
seats. Cora liked that too: no physical contact.

Most men she met through the club just had to touch her, all the time,
as if they couldn't believe that she was real.

"We're nearly there,' she said, ' think it's the next on the right.
Gulliver Avenue."

"Oh, back there! You just missed it!"

"Damn.' Cora pulled in to the side of the road and stopped. ' I do a
U-turn, d'you think?"

Jason looked behind him. ', I don't see why not. It's all clear behind
me.' She indicated, checked both ways, then swung her little car right
round to face the opposite way.

"Here,'Jason called out. ' here!' She turned, recognised the road and
found the house, just minutes later. Drawing up outside Debbie's front
door, Cora thought how nice it was to have company. She stopped,
switched the engine off and pulled on the handbrake. Jason had got his
mobile phone out of his jacket pocket.

Til just ring a cab, then I'll help you in with her. Has she got keys?"

"I bloody well hope so or we'll have to break in!"

He laughed, dialled and waited for the line to connect.

"Yes, hello, I'd like a cab please.' Cora watched him and thought again
how good-looking he was. Not that she fancied him, not at all; she'd
only just got over Ewert, finally dumped him after all these years. '
... hang on a second ... Corinne, what number house is this?"

"Twenty."

"From number twenty, Gulliver Avenue, Tooting, to Horsham please. Yes,
West Sussex."

"Horsham?' Cora stared at him. ' can't do that, it'll cost you a
fortune!"

"Sorry, could you hang on a moment? Thanks ...' He looked at Cora. '
doesn't matter. Anyway, I realised on the way over here that I gave my
flat keys to my mate, so I've got no choice.' He went back on the line.

"Look, Jason, hang on a minute!"

"Sorry about this, can I call you right back? Thanks.' He switched the
phone off. ''s the matter?" Til take you home,' Cora said suddenly.
She'd just made another flip decision. She wasn't thinking, she was
tired and she felt terrible, bringing him all the way over to Tooting
and then dumping him to get a cab back to Sussex. It wasn't on, it was
rude and ungrateful. ' drive right past Horsham on the A24,' she said, '
can take you, it's not a problem."

"No. Thanks, Cora, but honestly I couldn't put you out." She smiled. It
may have been flip but it was the right decision; he was considerate
enough to refuse. ' course you can. As I said, it's not a problem.
Really it's not."

Jason looked concerned. He hesitated, chewed his lip, then finally said,
' you absolutely sure?"

"Yes, I'm absolutely sure.' She undipped her seatbelt.

"Come on, let's get Debbie inside.' Leaning across, she undipped
Debbie's and Debbie fell to the right. Cora turned to look at the house.
' great! There's a light on, it looks like someone's in. We can leave
her safely and finally get off home.' She propped Debbie up and went to
open the door. T don't know about you,' she said to Jason, 'but I'm
certainly ready for it."

The journey from Tooting down to Horsham was better than Cora had
thought it would be. Jason was good company, clever and amusing and,
despite being tired, she found that she was actually enjoying the chat,
enjoying not being alone for once.

It was an occupational hazard, being lonely. With a working life so full
of men, and not exactly the best specimens, neither Thea nor Cora had
much time for them in their private lives. That was why Cora had kept up
with Ewert for so long: not because she loved him but because she
couldn't be bothered with anyone else. He still bullied her, gave her
the odd slap now and again, but that was nothing really, not compared to
the emptiness of being on her own.

Cora pulled off the A24 at the first sign to Horsham as Jason asked her
to and took a left at the roundabout. The estate that he lived on had an
almost surreal feel to it. It was a network of huge houses, all in
different styles, all with their own drives and triple garages. Cora
drove on, took a right, as directed, then a left and pulled into the
drive of a large mock Georgian mansion.

"Blimey!' she said.

"Yes, it is a bit, isn't it, but it's appreciated over the past twelve
months by about twenty percent. I can put up with it at those rates."

"Oh no, I didn't mean that it was awful or anything, I just meant,
blimey, it's big. Huge, actually." Jason smiled. ''you want to see
inside? I bought the show house, it's got all sorts of gadgets and
gizmos."

"Oh, erm ...' Cora was tempted. She liked Jason, liked him a lot
actually, but it was late and it was just one of those things that she
never did. '. No thanks, I mean; I ought to get back, it's late and--"

"Go on, just for five minutes. I'll make you a coffee, I've got an
espresso machine and1 a good strong black coffee will keep you awake on
your drive back to Chichester." Cora sighed. Oh God, what should she do?
She really wanted to go in, she'd love to see round and have a coffee,
but the sensible thing was to say no.

"All right,'Jason said. ' the coffee, but come in and let me write down
your number, I haven't got a pen on me."

He looked at her. '."

Write down her number! He wanted to see her again, she could hardly
believe it. She smiled. '.' Switching the engine off, she clicked the
lights out and undipped her seatbelt. Jason held out his jacket. ', it's
getting chilly, put this on over your dress."

Thanks."

They climbed out of the car and she followed him up to the front door.
Unlocking it, an alarm buzzer sounded and Jason darted inside to decode
it. ' on in,' he called, Til just get the ...' It was dark so Cora
stayed where she was. '... lights!' he said, and in an instant the whole
hall was lit up, a big, wide, open hall, with a black and white tiled
floor and an enormous dazzling chandelier that hung from the ceiling.

"Blimey!' Cora said again as Jason came across to stand next to her.

"You like it?"

"Yes, I ...' She stopped and looked at him. ''s amazing, I've never seen
anything like it."

"Come on through to the kitchen, you'll love that too." He took her
hand; Cora glanced down but said nothing.

The truth was, it felt good.

Turning lights on as he went, Jason led her from the hall into the
kitchen, a high-tech fitted affair in light ash and granite with chrome
trim. There were framed black and white architectural prints on the
walls, a long heavy ash dining table and six tall-backed chairs, covered
in a dark grey velvet.

"Blimey!' Cora said a third time.

"You like that word, don't you?" She smiled.

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

Jason busied himself while Cora watched. He seemed different all of a
sudden, more in control, sharper. She liked that, that felt good too.

"Come on, while the coffee's brewing let me show you the rest of the
house."

"OK."

Again he took her hand but this time she thought nothing of it. He took
her round the house, the sitting room, dining room, TV room, study.
Upstairs, the bedrooms for guests, bathrooms and finally the master
suite. He opened the door, let her go in first, then followed her,
closing the door quietly behind him.

"Gosh, this is incredible."

"What, not blimey again?' Cora glanced at him and saw that he was
teasing. She smiled. ' on, feel this bed."

It was a water bed, a great moving pillow of H2O covered in royal-blue
sheets, with a midnight-blue sky above it, painted with silver stars.
Jason sat on it and patted the space beside him. Cora walked across, sat
gingerly on the edge and felt the whole thing move under her weight. '
God!1 she wailed. ''s horrible.' She made to stand up but Jason caught
her wrist.

"No, don't get up."

She looked at her wrist, then at him, the smallest flutter of panic in
the pit of her stomach. He smiled and the flutter vanished.

"Come on,' he said. ''s really weird, have another go."

Cora sat. Jason bounced and sent a ripple of water under her so that her
body moved without her control. ', I see what you mean, it is weird,
isn't it?' Cora then bounced herself, sending her own ripple of water.
As she did so, something jangled in Jason's jacket pocket.

"What was that?' Cora put her hand into the pocket and felt around. She
brought out a set of keys, looked at them, then at Jason. He grinned and
shrugged.

"My flat keys,' he said. ' dear."

Cora was momentarily flummoxed. ' I ... "

Jason, who still had her wrist, pulled her towards him.

"How else was I going to get you back here? I had to do something.' He
kissed her mouth. She felt the soft pressure of his lips, the motion of
the water under her, then she pulled away.

"I don't think Jason turned her wrist up and kissed the pale smooth skin
on the inside. He slipped the jacket off her shoulders.

"Come on, Corinne,' he whispered. ' didn't just come in for coffee, did
you?"

Cora tensed. She gently pulled her wrist free and stood up. ', sorry, I
think you misunderstood me, I did just come for coffee and I'd better go
now.' Her voice was calm, it gave away nothing of the sudden panic she
felt inside. She went to move off and Jason caught her round the waist
with his arm.

"Not so fast, Corinne baby!' He was smiling, as if this was all some
kind of big joke. There's no need to be such a cock-tease. I'm ready for
you, Corinne, you don't need to do all this to get me going.' He pulled
her in hard against him so that she was trapped between his legs, her
breasts level with his face. He licked the skin on her chest and she
flinched.

"Look!' she cried, ' don't want you to do this! I--"

In a split second Jason had cupped his hand over her mouth. ' course you
do,' he said, his voice breathless.

The sudden violence of it all inflamed him. ''ve been gagging for it all
night, haven't you?"

Cora stayed perfectly still, her whole body rigid with fear. She shook
her head.

"Yes you have, taking your clothes off for me; this slip of a thing only
just covering your tits!' He let go of her mouth and tugged at the strap
of her dress, pulling it down. Cora gasped.

"God, you're beautiful, you ...' He pressed his face into her breasts,
kissing and biting the flesh while he fumbled across her back for the
catch on her bra. ' want me, I know you do ...' His legs relaxed open as
he eased her in to his body to press against his groin. ', I know you
want it, I ... "

It took only seconds. Cora shoved him back with all her might and lunged
away towards the door. Her ankle twisted on her heels, but she was there
in four paces.

She grabbed the handle, yanked it down and pulled at the door. ' God,'
she cried. ' God, please ...' It wouldn't open, it wouldn't budge.
Shaking and crying, she pulled and tugged, kicked it, then looked down
for a key, a catch, anything that would open it. She saw a brass knob,
fumbled hopelessly for a few seconds, then finally managed to turn it.
She heard a click. But as she tore open the door, Jason grabbed her hair
from behind and yanked her back. She fell against the doorframe, cracked
the side of her face and started to cry.

"You stupid bitch!' he shouted. ' could have broken my fucking door!' He
was standing above her, bigger, much bigger than she'd thought, and he
smacked her across the mouth, the side of his ring catching her nose.

"You like to play rough do you, you little tart! Like a bit of rough and
tumble! Eh?' He knelt over her, pinning her arms down with one hand, the
strength of him overpowering her. With his other hand he undid his
flies, shoved her legs apart and ripped at her pants. They tore and the
violence of it bruised her thighs and groin. Cora struggled.

She wrestled to try and free herself, tossing from side to side, trying
to kick out with her legs but it aroused him even more. Kneeing her in
the stomach to quieten her he moved down her body and jarred her legs
apart. He didn't say a word but his breathing was laboured, heavy and he
was sweating, it ran down the side of his face. Cora closed her eyes.
She clenched her jaw and teeth tight together and braced herself.

Nothing prepared her for the pain.

She screamed, a piercing, animal scream and then she began to sob.

When it was over, Jason rolled off her. He lay on his stomach with his
face turned away and Cora curled up into the foetal position. She had
stopped sobbing but she was shaking so violently that she couldn't move.
After several minutes, she managed to get on to all fours and, leaving a
trail of blood on the carpet, she crawled out of the room She didn't
know how long she was on the stairs, she lost all sense of time and
reality. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours. When
finally she was able to move, she pulled the strap of her dress up over
her shoulder and stumbled down and out to her car. She wasn't sure if
she was crying or not, her face was wet but she wasn't conscious of
anything. She started the engine, put the car into gear and drove away.
As she did so the lights in the house went out.

Chapter Sixteen.

Thea woke with a start. There was the sound of banging and Tom was by
the side of the bed saying, '! Mummy, wake up! There's someone
downstairs, at the front door."

She rolled on to her side and looked at her watch. It was five a.m.
Dropping her legs down on to the floor, she sat up, shook her head to
clear it and pulled on a T-shirt. She stood. Muzzy with sleep, she said,
''s all right darling, go back to bed, I ...' Whoever it was was banging
hard on the door, rattling the letterbox.

Til get it.' Thea walked across to the window and lifted the blinds.
Cora's car was outside, slewed up on the grass in front of the cottage.
The gate to the drive had been left open. Thea grabbed her dressing gown
and hurried downstairs. ' right, Cora,' she called, Tm coming! Hang on!'
She decoded the alarm and went straight to the front door. Her unease
mounted when Cora didn't call out.

Releasing the Chubb locks, she unlatched the chain and opened it.

"Oh my God!' Cora stood, her arms wrapped tight around her body, shaking
violently, her dress ripped, her nose and face bloody and swollen. ',
Cora! Not Ewert?' Thea held her arm and pulled her into the house. ',
what's happened, Cora ... " "It was all my fault,' Cora whispered. 1
asked for it, he said I asked for it, it was all my fault. Oh God, Thea,
it was--' She broke off and started to cry.

Thea put her arms around her. ''s all right, Cora,' she murmured. ''s
all right."

"Mum?' Tom was at the top of the stairs.

Thea looked up. ' darling, go back to bed, it's all right. Aunty Cora
isn't feeling very well so Mummy's going to look after her."

"Aunty Cora? Are you all right?" Tom,' Thea said, her voice rising, '
back to bed, OK?

Be a good boy for me, would you? Just get back into bed and I'll come up
and see you in a few minutes.' She glanced up at him, Cora's body
shivering in her arms. ' right, Tom?' The tone of her voice changed from
request to order. Tom nodded, sulked for a few moments, then did as she
asked.

Thea held Cora for as long as it took to stop her shaking.

She kept one eye on the stairs and prayed that Tom would do as she said.
Whatever had happened, she didn't want him to witness this. When Cora
was still, she pulled away gently and looked at her. ' need to see a
doctor,' she said. That nose is very swollen. Come on, come and sit by
the Aga, you're cold, your hands are like ice."

Cora let Thea lead her into the kitchen. She sat, wincing at the pain.
Thea knelt in front of her. ',' she said softly.

Tell me what happened - can you?"

Cora's face was blank. Her hands started to shake again and with
uncontrollable fingers she lifted her dress. Thea saw the blood and the
bruising and closed her eyes. ' God,' she murmured. ' was it, Cora?' she
asked gently.

"Was it Ewert?"

Cora shook her head but she couldn't speak. She had started to cry again
and Thea thought: She's been raped, she's been raped. A knot of fear and
panic and grief exploded in the pit of her stomach and for a moment she
thought she was going to be sick. She stood up. ', I'm going to phone
Jake, I need him here to look after Tom and then I'm going to phone the
police. OK? Do you want to come with me or stay here?" Cora shook her
head. ',' she said, Til stay here."

Thea nodded. ' won't be long."

"Not the police,' Cora said, as Thea began to walk away.

"Not the police, it was my fault, I shouldn't have gone there, I
shouldn't have gone in for coffee.' She looked at Thea. ' held my hand,
I went up to his bedroom, I shouldn't have done that, I ... "

Thea came back and knelt down again. ',' she said, 'you've got to tell
me what happened. I'll write it down.

You've got to tell me the whole thing. OK?' Thea took her hands. ' must
tell me, Cora, I have to know."

Cora nodded.

"Who did this?"

"Jason. He was at the club tonight." Oh Christ, Thea thought, a punter.
' did it happen?

Did you go home with him?' Thea was speaking slowly, as if Cora were an
idiot. She felt suddenly embarrassed.

"Please, Cora,' she said. ' tell me what happened."

"I drove him home,' Cora said. She looked at Thea, but didn't really see
her, there was no expression on her face.

"He lives in Horsham, he was kind, he helped me with Debbie and I
couldn't just leave him there. So I gave him a lift. He liked me, he
said he did, he wanted my number and I went in, for coffee and to see
the house.' She blinked rapidly, then shook her head. ' was in his
bedroom, he wanted to show me the water bed and his keys were in his
jacket, all the time they were there."

Thea squeezed her hands. Cora was confused, this wasn't making any sense
and she felt helpless, out of her depth.

"Cora, I've got to ring someone,' she said. Til be back in a moment."

Thea stood and left the kitchen. In the hall she stopped, leant against
the wall and pressed her hands to her head.

She felt sick. She stayed like that for several minutes, unable to move,
until she heard Tom say, ' you all right, Mum?"

Then she stood straight, looking up.

"Yes, Tom, I'm fine, just a bit tired,' she said. ' come on, into bed
and try and get some sleep.' She climbed the stairs and followed him
into his room. As he got into bed, she tucked the duvet round him and
bent to kiss his head.

God, there was such evil in the world, however would he survive? she
thought. Tom put his arms around her neck and hugged her. Thea closed
her eyes. However would Cora survive?

"Night, Mummy,' Tom said, releasing her. ' you."

Thea stood. "Night, Tom darling. I love you too."

Downstairs in the hall, she called Jake. She spoke quietly into the
phone and he agreed to come at once. He said he'd bring Marian and Thea
was glad; Marian had experienced this before with the women's refuge. He
told her to ring the police right away and to ask them to come to the
house.

They are trained,' he told her. They'll know what to do."

Thea rang 999.

She spoke to an operator and gave a few details, along with her number.
The operator said someone would ring her back. Then she returned to
Cora.

"Are you OK?"

Cora had pulled a coat around her. She nodded. The phone rang. Thea went
to answer it and again she spoke quietly. It was as if, she thought,
someone had died.

Minutes later, she went back to Cora. ' phoned the police," she said. '
had to, Cora, we have to get this straight."

Cora didn't react.

They're sending someone over. They said not to wash or drink anything,
OK?"

Cora looked up.

"I'm sorry, it's awful but they need forensic evidence."

Thea came and sat down on the floor in front of Cora. ' gave our work
names,' she said.

"Because it's a punter, isn't it?"

Thea didn't answer.

"Because it's connected to the job, isn't it?"

Thea nodded. She saw a look of such revulsion pass across Cora's face
that she immediately reached forward to take her hands, to comfort her,
but Cora stood up and backed away.

"It's because of that filthy, lousy, disgusting job!' she cried. ' if I
hadn't taken my clothes off, if I hadn't teased him then it would never
have happened. I'm low life, that's what I am, we both are, low life, so
low that we can't even use our real names!' Thea stayed silent and
Cora's anger drained away. ' are, aren't we?' Cora whispered.

"It's my fault! It's all my fault!' She started to sob.

Thea jumped up and held her. ''s not your fault,' she said. ', Cora,
believe me, it is not your fault."

Jake arrived first. It was six-thirty and almost time to get Tom up and
organised for school. Marian sat with Cora in the bedroom while Thea got
things ready for him downstairs. She packed his school bag, wrote in his
homework book and left his clothes out for Jake. Upstairs, Cora was
silent and withdrawn. Marian chatted, trying to buoy her up enough to
give a statement to the police but she was in shock, confused and numb.

The police arrived at seven in a plain dark blue car. There were two of
them, one a WPC, who asked if Cora would prefer to deal only with female
officers. She said no, but she didn't seem to take the question in so
Thea said, "I think she might prefer to be examined by a woman. Is that
possible?"

"Yes, of course.' The WPC got on the radio and made the request.
Afterwards she explained about the house. ''s more comfortable for
interviews,' she said. ''s in Crawley but it's not connected to the
station. We'd rather take you there if that's OK?"

Cora nodded. ' Thea come with me?"

"Of course.' The WPC took Thea aside. ' we take a statement from you
first? Before we leave?" "Yes, but--' Thea broke off. ',' she said, Tm
sorry but I don't remember that much and she didn't really make sense. I
think she was too shocked to be able to tell me."

That's normal. If you could just tell me what you remember, that'll be
fine."

Thea gave her statement. At seven-thirty, just before Tom woke up, she
took a small bag and packed a few clean clothes for Cora, some wash
things and a towel. She wrapped a blanket round Cora's shoulders and
together they were helped into the unmarked police car. In a tense,
private silence, they were driven up to Crawley to be interviewed.

The safe house was a small nondescript detached house on the end of a
cul-de-sac in suburban Crawley. It was already occupied by the detective
and medical officer by the time Thea and Cora arrived. They were shown
in, there was a brief exchange and they were told that the medical
examination had to take place first, before anything else.

Ts that all right?' the WPC asked.

Cora nodded but she had started to shake again. She was taken upstairs
into the medical room at the back, a bland and sterile room, painted
pale grey. Cora thought the sterility comforting, it felt anonymous. The
WPC came into the room as well as a Scenes-of-Crime Officer and Cora was
gently asked to go to the couch behind the screen and take off her
clothes while the medical officer got things ready.

She did so, put on the white gown that was there for her and lay down,
then she looked down at the bruises on her thighs, curled herself into
the foetal position and started to cry like a child.

When the examination was over, Thea came to sit with her. Cora was so
cold and numb that she couldn't dress, could hardly even move, so Thea
Had to help her, pulling the clean clothes over her head and slipping
her feet into the shoes. The examination had been humiliating, invasive
and painful and Cora's face was swollen from crying.

"Can I clean my teeth?' she whispered. ' mouth tastes of blood and
sick.' Thea wrapped the blanket round her again as the medical officer
came across.

"She wants to clean her teeth, is that OK?"

The woman nodded. ''ve got some toothbrushes and toothpaste there, in
the box. Help yourself.' She glanced at Thea. ' could do with a
sedative. Do you know if she's allergic to anything?"

"No, no I don't think so."

"OK. Corinne? I'm going to give you a couple of pills here, I'd like you
to take them after you've given your statement to the officers
downstairs. Is that OK?"

Cora nodded.

There's nothing you're allergic to, is there?"

"No."

"Good.' The doctor gave Thea a small brown bottle.

There's six Temazepam in there, she can have one every six hours. Can
you get her to her GP tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good."

Thea left Cora to brush her teeth. When she had finished, she was given
a coffee and taken downstairs. Thea was waiting for her.

"You all right now?' Thea hugged her briefly. Cora nodded.

"We have to go and sit down in there. They want you to give a statement,
nothing too serious, just a brief one and then we can go home and rest.
Is that OK? D'you think that you can manage that?"

"Yes."

Thea led the way into the front room of the house where the two waiting
officers stood up. There were three armchairs and a sofa in there,
floral curtains at the window and a coffee table with a large ashtray in
the middle of it.

"Hello, Corinne,' the taller of the two men said. ' and sit down." Cora
frowned. That's my work name,' she said. ' real name is Cora."

"Right. Cora, then, come and sit down please, anywhere you like."

She chose the armchair, on her own, and sat down.

"Dorothy?"

Thea hesitated but if Cora wanted to be honest, she had to be too. ''s
Thea actually,' she said, Thea Marshall. Dorothy Marsh is my stage name.
I use it for business as well."

"Right. OK, no problem. Thea, come on in and sit down as well, if you
wouldn't mind."

Thea did so, on one of the other armchairs. ''m Detective Sergeant David
Lawrence,' the officer said, ' this is my colleague, Detective Constable
Louis Judd.' The DC nodded. ''ll be heading up this investigation and
you'll deal directly with us, OK? If you have any worries, anything at
all, you come to either one of us and we'll handle it.' The DS took a
packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, offered them around and Cora
took one; she hadn't smoked for over five years.

"Now, Cora, what I'd suggest is that you make a brief statement now
regarding the assault and then you go home with your friend here and get
some rest. The sort of details we need from you in a proper statement
can take hours to do and as it's nine-thirty now and I gather that
you've been up all night, I think we'd be better to do it either later
today or tomorrow. Does that sound reasonable to you?"

Cora nodded.

"Good. It's very easy, all you need to do is give your name and say that
you are reporting the attack, who it was by - if you know the name of
the attacker - and where it took place. Is that all right?" Again Cora
nodded. She smoked her cigarette but said nothing and Thea wondered if
she was going to be able to do it. Neither of the police officers seemed
in any hurry, they just sat and waited. When Cora had finished smoking,
she took a slug of coffee and held the cup in her hands.

"Can I use my work name?" "Why is that, Cora?' Lawrence asked.

Td just feel safer, that's all." Lawrence hesitated, then said, ', I
think that'll be all right."

Cora knotted her hands together in her lap and began. ' am Corinne
White,' she said, her voice only just audible.

"I am reporting that I have been attacked and--' She broke off and there
was a long painful silence. ' and sexually assaulted ...' Her voice went
down to a whisper and Thea's heart ached. '... by Jason Wakes, at his
home in Horsham, at three o'clock this morning.' She looked up.

"What's the date, I don't even know the date?"

"May the fourteenth,' the DS said.

"On May the fourteenth.' Cora stopped. She put her head in her hands and
stayed like that for some time.

"Is that all?' Thea asked. ''s exhausted, she needs to go home."

Tup, that's all we need. Cora? If you could just add that you're tired
and you need to rest and that you'll give a full statement later. Could
you do that for me, Cora?"

Cora dropped her hands away. She held her head up and stared straight
ahead. ' am very tired now,' she murmured, 'and I would like to rest. I
will make a full statement later."

Thank you, Cora, that's fine.' The DS stood up. ' you stay here, then
I'll organise the car to take you back to your friend's house. OK?"

"Yes."

"D'you want more coffee?"

"No, thanks."

"Right. Well done, Cora.' The DS left the room and Cora turned her gaze
from the window to Thea. She looked so lost and helpless that Thea moved
across to her and knelt down to hug her.

Outside in the hall, the DS waited for his DC to come out and said, '
Wakes, Horsham. Get on to the duty sergeant, get the address and then
put in for a warrant for preservation of evidence. I want it ASAP."

The DC nodded.

"And when you've done that, let's go and nobble the little bastard!"

Chapter Seventeen.

DS Dave Lawrence stood with Dr. Lucy Cairns in the hall of the house
after Cora had left. ' a. m., she put in her statement,' he said. ' that
sound about right to you?"

"Yes, judging from the bruising, I'd say round about that time." "But
the friend says she didn't arrive at her place until five a.m. and it's
only thirty minutes from Horsham. She's pretty sure about it too. I
wonder where the hell she was in the two hours between three and five?"

"Well' - Dr. Cairns picked her bag up - ' she went anywhere else, we'll
know from her clothes. Perhaps she didn't have much conception of time,
she was pretty shocked, certainly very distressed. It was a fairly
violent attack."

Dave Lawrence lit a cigarette - his fifth that hour - and inhaled
deeply. The stress of a violent sexual assault case was intense. ' can
we have the report?"

Cairns glanced at her watch. ' five tomorrow afternoon."

"No quicker?"

"No, Dave, no quicker, not even with all your charm!' She smiled at him
and opened the door. ' you tomorrow. Call me later if you like and I'll
tell you what I've got so far."

"Right, thanks, Dr. Cairns.' He turned as DC Judd came back into the
house.

"Got the address, boss,' Judd said. ' request's in place and the car
that brought the victim in has been registered."

"Good.' Lawrence picked up his jacket. ' does this Mr. Wakes live,
then?"

Judd held out the bit of paper and Lawrence looked at it. ', I see,' he
said. ' nice. Nob Hill.' He opened the front door, dropped his cigarette
down on the grass outside and left it smoking. ', Louis, let's get over
there then, shall we?' And opening his car door he threw his jacket
carelessly in the back and climbed in.

Jason Wakes answered the door in his dressing gown. It was ten a.m. on
Sunday morning, he was unshaven and groggy with sleep.

"Yes?"

Judd and Lawrence were both in plain clothes but as Judd moved forward
with his badge, a patrol car pulled up and three uniformed officers
jumped out.

"What the hell--?"

"Jason Wakes?"

"Yes, that's right. What the hell is going on?"

"Jason Wakes, I am arresting you on suspicion of rape.

You do not have to say anything While Wakes was cautioned, DS Lawrence
walked on into the house. He could smell burnt coffee, a deeply acrid
smell, and crossed the hall trying two doors before he found the
kitchen. It was immaculate, only the smell lingered. In the sink he
found an Italian espresso coffee pot charred and burnt. Nothing else, no
cups, no sign that anyone had been there.

He returned to the hall.. Wakes was sitting in a chair in the hall, his
head in his hands. ' don't believe this is happening,' he said. ' just
don't believe it."

"What clothes were you wearing last night?' Judd asked as Lawrence came
over to him. '? Casual? Come on, Mr. Wakes, we'd like to know what you
were wearing."

"I can't remember!"

"No? But it wasn't all that long ago that you got undressed, was it?"

"Boss?' One of the uniformed officers had been through the kitchen to
the laundry room. ', the washing machine's been on, there's a load in
there, it's still on spin." "I thought you'd just woken up, Mr. Wakes.
It isn't last night's shirt and underwear in the machine by any chance?"

"Very probably! I only get home once or twice a week, I'm doing my
weekly wash, like most normal people do on a Sunday!"

"Bag all dirty clothing you can find, OK? And the sheets on the bed."

"You can't do that!" "Yes, I can,' Lawrence said. ''m well within my
rights, Mr. Wakes.' He looked at Judd. ' him upstairs to get some
clothes on him and then let's go."

Tm not going anywhere!' Wakes cried. ' want to ring my solicitor! This
is about that silly bitch Corinne, isn't it?

This is about her!"

Lawrence turned away.

"I didn't do anything! She wanted to have sex, she begged me for it.
Likes it rough too, likes a bit of--"

"I'd suggest that you keep quiet until your brief arrives, Mr. Wakes!'
Lawrence snapped. ' have been cautioned, all right?!' Wakes shut up and
Lawrence walked out of the house to wait for him to dress.

Wakes asked to make his phone call before he left his home but he didn't
phone his solicitor, he called his father.

Michael Wakes, at his country house, with his new wife still in bed,
went immediately down to his study and called the head of the law firm
he had been using for years.

"I want the best criminal man you've got down in Crawley this morning
and I want you to start sorting through defence barristers,' he said. '
don't care how much I have to pay, I want the top guy. Jason's been
stitched up and he's got a hell of a lot more to lose than some two-bit
stripper!"

There was a reply of sorts but Michael Wakes didn't listen to it. He was
an overbearing, arrogant man and he rarely listened to anyone. ' want a
full report from your man as soon as he's spoken to Jason, all right? He
can get me at this number all morning.' Michael Wakes read out his
number, switched on his pager and, without even saying goodbye, hung up.

His new wife stood in the doorway in a long black silk nightdress. She
was just thirty, thirty-three years younger than Wakes almost to a day,
and, as wife number three, she had little to offer in the way of
companionship. It was straightforward ego massage and sex.

"Go away,' he said, Tm busy."

Knowing when not to offer herself was one of her skills as much as
coaxing an erection was another. She yawned, shrugged and left Michael
Wakes alone.

Daniel Ellis left Petula in charge of the boys for half an hour on
Sunday morning, something he rarely did, and went out to get his paper
and some freshly baked bread from the farm shop. He also bought
home-made marmalade, fresh coffee and strawberries. Putting his booty in
the car, he drove the four miles to Tanbry Cottage where Thea lived,
pulled up outside the house and, with carrier bag in hand, knocked on
her glossy dark green front door. There was no answer.

He called out and, going round the back, saw Thea, in shorts, T-shirt
and welly boots, watering her vegetables. She looked wonderful, natural
and sexy, despite the wellies, and even better than she had last night.
He stood there for a moment unseen and smiled. Christ, sometimes things
just worked out and he had a feeling that this was going to be one of
them. He glanced at Tom, who was sitting at the table on the terrace
under an umbrella eating an ice-cream and he thought: It's about time
too, it's about time something worked out for me. He walked forward into
view. '?"

Thea spun round. ' my goodness! Daniel! You gave me a fright!"

She looked tired, pale and drawn, and although he wasn't an expert, he'd
have sworn she'd been crying.

"Yes, Daniel, remember me from last night?' Thea flushed and his
reaction was so physical that he found himself standing there in shorts
and a T-shirt having to cover his erection with the carrier bag. '
brought breakfast,' he said.

"Oh, oh thanks, but--' Thea broke off and brushed her hair off her face
with her wrist. ', hang on, I ... " Again her words tailed off. She
walked across to the garden tap, turned off the hose and dropped it down
on the floor.

Tom, this is Daniel Ellis, he's got--"

"Yes, I know, Wills and Charlie. I know Charlie."

"Oh right.' Thea and Daniel exchanged smiles and Thea felt an exquisite
pain, immediately tempered by sadness.

This wasn't going to work; it just couldn't work, not now.

"Look, Daniel, come for a walk round the garden with me,' she said.

"So you're going to lead me up the garden path, right?" Thea smiled
again, but it was a weary smile, there wasn't much humour in it.

"All right, so my jokes are appalling, I know, but--"

Thea turned and looked at him. She decided to be frank, or at least as
frank as she could be. She took a breath. ', thanks for breakfast,
Daniel,' she said, ' the thing is that you can't stay. I'm sorry, but
I've got a friend here and it's awkward, you being here too, it might
...' Oh God, this was awful, this wasn't at all how it was meant to
sound.

"I see.' Daniel looked away from Thea and stared into the distance. He
had misunderstood.

"It isn't how it sounds,' she said in a desperate attempt to make things
clear. ' mean, it's my partner ...' That was the only word she could
come up with, it made sense, Cora was her business partner. ', it's--'
She stopped. What more could she say, without telling him the whole
truth?

He was an intelligent, honest man, how could she tell him the truth
about Cora, about herself and still expect him to stick around? She
couldn't, and he was too nice, far too nice to lie to. ''s a bit
embarrassing,' she finished lamely.

Tm sorry." "Yes, quite,' Daniel said. Partner. The word held a whole
stack of meanings for Daniel that Thea hadn't anticipated.

He held out the carrier bag. ', you ought to have these.

Pet will have got the boys' breakfast and I'm not very hungry any more."

Thea took it and swallowed down the most powerful urge to cry. Thanks,
it's really kind of you, I--"

Daniel held up his hand to silence her. ''t, it's nothing, really.' And
turning heel, he just caught sight of Jake inside the house, dug his
hands into his pockets and walked away.

Minutes later, he was gone.

"I don't believe this is happening to me,' Jason Wakes said.

He looked at his solicitor. ' have just been subjected to an hour of the
most painful and disgusting fucking tests known to mankind and you can't
do a fucking thing about it, is that what you're telling me?' He paced
the interview room, too irate to sit down. This is appalling! I tell
you, when I get out of this fucking place I'm going to sue the West
Sussex fucking Constabulary for every penny they've got!' He stopped. '
much longer are they going to keep me waiting?" His solicitor said, '
long as they want to, I'm afraid.

They've charged you and until we're up in front of the magistrates for
bail you're detained here.' The solicitor, Peter Killen, stood up. ''ll
go out again and ask about the delay but the best thing you can do is
sit tight and keep your cool."

"Keep my fucking cool?' Jason exploded. ''ve got to be joking, haven't
you? Some lousy stripper, a right tart stitches me up, gets me locked
away for having sex at her request and I'm supposed to keep my cool?' He
smacked his fist against the wall and there was a sharp crack. Killen
winced. '!' he shouted.

Killen said nothing but he did stand up and leave the room. A bit of
time out would do them both good.

Approaching the desk, he said, I'd like to know when my client is going
to be interviewed. Have you any idea?"

The duty sergeant shrugged. ', not yet, I'm afraid. I'll let you know as
soon as I have."

Killen nodded. ''s DS Lawrence? Can I have a word with him?"

"Not at present, he's in interview, but I'll pass on the message."

Thanks.' And taking a seat in the corridor, Peter Killen sat outside for
half an hour to give his client time to calm down.

At ten-thirty that night, Jason Wakes was brought up from the cell to be
interviewed. Outside the interview room, DS Lawrence and DC Judd briefed
his solicitor. They had wanted to get Cora's statement on record, she
had come back to the house that afternoon and it had taken four hours,
but it was done. They now felt happy to interview the suspect.

"We've charged him with statutory rape,' Lawrence said, 'and that's what
we're going for. The victim alleges a violent sexual assault at three a.
m., she has bruising on her face and thighs, as well as bruising and
tearing internally. We've got her statement, we've got forensic to prove
that it was your client and we'd now like to interview him."

"Fine. I'll have a word with him first then.' Killen went into the
interview room to talk to Wakes and emerged ten minutes later. ' client
is ready to cooperate fully with the police on this matter,' he said. DS
Lawrence sighed. It was going to be a long night.

"OK, Jason, let's go over that again, shall we? You asked Corinne to
come into the house for sex. You made that quite clear to her, did you?'
They had been interviewing for two hours. Wakes admitted sex but with
full consent.

"Absolutely. She said something like, I'm ready for it.

Yes, I think it was that, I'm ready for it."

"So you took her inside and straight upstairs?"

Wakes looked at his solicitor. '."

"You didn't go into the kitchen for coffee? Or a drink at all?' Again
Wakes looked at his solicitor.

Killen said, ' we suspend this interview for a few moments? I think my
client would like a word with me in private."

Lawrence nodded. ' with Jason Wakes suspended at ...' He glanced at his
watch. '... one a. m., on Monday May the fifteenth.' Lawrence switched
the tape off and stood up. ' minutes,' he said. ' right?"

Killen nodded and Lawrence and Judd left the room.

"What the fuck is going on?' Wakes said. That's the third time they've
asked me about coffee!"

"I would think that they have something about coffee in the victim's
statement."

Wakes was silent. He stood up and paced the room for a couple of
minutes, then he said, ' did make coffee, now I come to think about it,
but we never drank it, we got too carried away and forgot about it. I
offered her a cup at the end but she didn't want any. She just wanted to
get home."

Killen made a note on his pad. He said nothing, but privately he was
bloody irritated. This was the third time Wakes had changed his story. '
there anything else you might have forgotten?' he asked.

Wakes shrugged. ', not that I can think of."

"Right, I'll ask DS Lawrence to come back in then, shall I?"

"Yes."

Wakes sat down again and a minute or so later the interview recommenced.

"My client would like to add something about the coffee," Killen said.
'?"

"I did make coffee,' Wakes said. ' rather I started to make coffee but
we got carried away kissing in the kitchen and went straight upstairs,
and I forgot about the coffee. I think I asked her if she wanted a cup
when we'd finished but she didn't want one, she wanted to get home."
"What? You asked her if she'd like a coffee after hitting her about the
face? You asked her if she wanted coffee, even though she was bleeding
like a pig all over your carpet?' Lawrence shook his head. ' very
polite!' He leant forward. ' on, Jason, wasn't it that you put coffee on
to brew and then took her on a tour of the house? Wasn't it that while
in your bedroom, you initiated sex and she didn't want it, so you gave
her a thump, you hit her about the face, threw her against the door and
then violently raped her? Isn't that it?' Lawrence raised his voice.

"Isn't it?"

Wakes shook his head. He sat silent, his head down and shook it.

Tor the benefit of the tape, the suspect is shaking his head.' There was
a silence.

"It's exactly as I've told you,' Wakes said.

"Exactly as you've told us?' Lawrence snapped. ' that why you keep
changing your story? No, you didn't make coffee; yes, you did! Come on,
make your mind up!' He stopped and reached for his cigarettes. Lighting
up, he pulled the ashtray towards him and said, ' hit Corinne with your
left hand, didn't you?"

"No, she fell.' Wakes repositioned himself in his chair. ' told you, she
liked it rough. We tussled and she fell. She hit her face on the door,
she was bleeding and I wanted to stop but she didn't. She said the taste
of blood turned her on."

"Jason, she was crying. You hit her across the face and caught her nose
with your ring, your signet ring."

"I don't have a signet ring."

"You hit her on the face when she tried to get away and you caught her
with your ring."

"I do not have a ring,' Wakes snapped. '! See?

No ring!"

"For the benefit of the tape the suspect is holding up his left hand.
There is no ring on it.' Lawrence sighed. ', let's imagine that it is
exactly as you said. You offer coffee, get carried away in the kitchen
and go straight upstairs to the bedroom. You both want sex, so why the
violence? The braises, the ripped dress?"

Wakes shrugged. ' people like it like that. It's not my preference, but
she was hot for it so I went along with it."

"She was hot for it, was she?' Lawrence shook his head.

"Really?"

"She's a bloody stripper, for fuck's sake!' Wakes suddenly cried. ' sort
of woman takes her clothes off in front of a rabble of drunken men, eh?
She's a fucking tart, she'd do anything for it, she--' He stopped as
Killen lay a hand on his arm. He was quiet for a few moments, then he
said, ' White wanted to have sex with me and she wanted it rough. I did
not rape her, I did not do anything she did not want me to do. I am
completely innocent of this charge."

Lawrence looked at DC Judd and reached for the tape machine. This
interview is terminated at one fifteen a. m., Monday the fifteenth of
May. Those present were myself, Detective Sergeant Lawrence, Detective
Constable Judd, Police Constable Bryan, the suspect, Jason Wakes, and
his solicitor.' He switched off the machine and stood up.

Without another word, he walked out of the room.

Daniel was up early; the truth was he hadn't been able to sleep. For the
first time in months he had dreamed his dream, his nightmare really,
about Charlotte and the car crash. He never witnessed her death, never
saw the car afterwards, but in his dream he saw her again and again,
trapped in the car, calling out to him and he was powerless to help her.
He kept trying to run but couldn't move, he was rooted to the ground,
screaming and panic-stricken as the car burned. Then he woke up and, as
he always did, he found that he had been crying.

"You're up early,' Petula said, coming down in her dressing gown and
finding Daniel already dressed and eating breakfast. ' you had tea?"

Thanks, yes I have, Pet.' He looked up from the paper.

"I'm going into work early this morning and I think I'll drive up, OK?
You can use the runabout for school. I won't be in for supper either,
I'm afraid, I need to catch up on a few things."

Petula nodded. She stared at him for a moment and knew that he hadn't
slept. When he didn't sleep, he overworked, trying to blot things out,
she supposed, and he ended up exhausted. Til do a chilli and you can
heat it up when you come in,' she said. ' must eat." He smiled. Thanks,
although they won't thank you in Chambers tomorrow!"

Petula laughed and turned away to put the kettle on for tea.

Daniel was just checking his briefcase when the phone rang. He answered
it from his study and sat down at his desk when he heard who it was.

"John,' he said. ' to hear from you. To what do 1 owe this pleasure?'
John Edwards was an old friend, head of a legal firm and a very good
contact.

"I've got something for you, Daniel, it's important, likely to be quite
high profile, I should think, and I want you to do it. You're right for
it, or rather it's right for you."

"Really? Is that why you've come direct to me and not gone through
Chambers?"

"I don't want to be fobbed off with someone else, thank you, as
brilliant as they are, of course Daniel laughed. ', what is it, John?"

"Defence. It's a rape case but it's a question of consent.

My client is innocent, he says the girl initiated sex, she accuses him
of rape."

That sounds pretty straightforward. Why me?"

"Because my client has asked me to find the best criminal barrister
available, that's why."

"Who's the client?"

The defendant is Jason Wakes, but the client is his father, Michael
Wakes."

The Chairman of Hind Industrial?"

That's the one."

"Ah.' Daniel smiled.

"Yes, one of our biggest commercial clients. I can hear you smiling,
Daniel."

Daniel laughed. ' the brief over and I'll look at it.

When did all this happen?"

This weekend. Jason is up in front of the magistrates this morning, but
his father wants things hurried along.

He doesn't want a trial hanging over his son's career and what Michael
Wakes wants he usually gets."

"I'm sure.' Daniel glanced at his watch and for some peculiar reason he
thought: Thirty-five hours ago I was with Thea. ',' he said, ' it across
this morning and I'll go over it as soon as I get in, OK? I must warn
you, though, rape isn't usually my thing."

"I realise that, but it's big money, Daniel."

"Pays the school fees I suppose."

John laughed. ' the rest: universities, PHDs, law school, Prue Leith's
cookery school, would you believe?

Which is where my darling daughter is insistent she wants to go!"

Daniel laughed. Til look at it, John, OK?"

"That's fine. Thank you, Daniel. I'll courier it and we'll speak later
on today."

"Right. Make it tonight though. I'm in court tomorrow and I've a lot
on."

"Tonight it is then.' Pleased with the result so far, John Edwards hung
up. He immediately dialled his client and was on the phone to Michael
Wakes before Daniel Ellis left for work.

Chapter Eighteen.

Jason Wakes climbed into Killen's car outside the magistrates court and
sat for a few moments, his head in his hands. Killen stared out of the
window.

Thank God that's over,' Wakes said. ' had to be the worst ordeal of my
life."

Killen turned and looked at him. ''m afraid that it's far from over,
Jason,' he said. ' got bail by the skin of our teeth, literally. I had
to do some serious talking to get you out and there are conditions, you
heard them, they're not to be taken lightly. In my opinion--"

"You're my solicitor,' Wakes snapped, ' my father! I don't want your
opinion, I'm not paying for your opinion!"

Killen started the engine. Til drive you home,' he said.

"No you won't, you'll drive me to see my barrister! I want to speak to
him now, get some things sorted!"

"Your barrister hasn't been appointed yet,' Killen said.

"What d'you mean, hasn't been appointed yet? My father told me we'd got
the best that money can buy!" "We've asked someone and he's considering
the case now."

"Considering? Christ! I don't believe you lot! Considering?

That's my fucking life he's considering!"

Killen shifted into first gear and indicated. He was tired, it had been
a hell of a long twenty-four hours and if he hadn't been a senior
partner in the firm, he'd have told this little bastard where to get
off. That's the way it works, Jason,' he said, pulling out into a space
in the traffic. ' why don't you sit back and--"

"Sit back?' Wakes laughed sardonically. ' back and what? Think about how
one night of crude sex could ruin my entire life? Sit back and remember
the little tart that started all this? Christ!' He put his hands up to
his face and for a moment Killen thought he was going to cry.

There was a long silence and Killen was glad of it. He drove on. Then,
dropping his hands away, Wakes stared straight ahead and said, Tm going
to get that bitch.' Killen glanced sidelong at him. Tm going to make
sure,' he said, 'that she regrets the day she ever decided to crap on
me."

It was mid afternoon that same Monday and DS Lawrence had called a
meeting in the station canteen. It was a relaxed debriefing for the past
twenty-four hours and all the team were present.

DC Judd carried a tray of teas and coffees across to the table and put
it down, slopping some of it over the top of the cups.

"Sorry. Tea's on the right, coffee's on the left, milk and sugar there.'
He took his own cup, handed one across to Lawrence and sat down.

"Right,' Lawrence said. ' where were we? Wakes is out on bail, having
put up forty grand for the privilege. His solicitor, Peter Killen, is a
senior partner in one of London's top law firms, Winter and May, and a
specialist in criminal law. They are presently trying to hire a top
barrister and we're down to sex with consent.' He took a sip of his
coffee, black no sugar, and lit a cigarette. ' the moment, there's only
one thing we can be sure of, and that's that this is going to be one
hell of a tough baby.' He inhaled deeply.

"Cath, what do we know for certain so far?"

Cath was a bright DC but this was her first rape case and she had taken
it badly. She was anxious and tense about it. ' assault took place at
three a.m. Sunday morning," she said. That's been confirmed by forensic.
We know the assault was violent and sexual. We know that Corinne drove
Wakes home, alone, in her car and that he had been at the Mayfair
Gentleman's Club, watching her striptease act earlier that evening."

"Right. What don't we know for certain?' Lawrence finished his coffee
and stubbed out his cigarette. ' what do we need to find out? OK, first,
why did Corinne drive Wakes home? We've got her statement but were there
any witnesses to any of their conversation? Who saw them leave? What did
they say to each other? We need to get Debbie Pritchard in, what does
she remember?' Cath was making notes as Lawrence spoke. ' don't know for
certain that it was Wakes's ring that hit Corinne, he says he doesn't
have one, so we need to find it. Do any of his friends remember seeing
him wear a ring? Photos of him with it on, anything you can find. We
know that Corinne left the house at twenty past three, a neighbour saw
her car leave but where did she go between three and five, when she
turned up at her friend's house? Any sightings of the car?

2 71

Check twenty-four-hour garages on the way, Little Chefs, anything that
was open in the area.' Even though he had just put a cigarette out,
Lawrence lit another one. ' we have no witnesses to what actually went
on in the house, it's his word against hers and we can't know for sure.
So, we need to dig up what we can find on Wakes, his history, character,
friends, hobbies, see if there's anything, anything at all that points
to this sort of attack. And the same goes for Corinne. The defence will
do everything they can to defame her character, so we need to build on
what we know. She is a businesswoman, a quiet, private, single woman,
with few friends. We need to collect as many character witnesses as we
can: club owners, business associates, her partner, Thea Marshall, known
to us by request as Dorothy Marsh, Phil Habben, anyone who knows her.
OK? Cath, I'd like you to do that one, and Louis, if you could take on
Wakes."

Louis Judd nodded and made a note of it."

"I'm going to drive down to see Corinne at her friend's this afternoon
and let her know what's happening. Is there anything else that anyone
wants to add?"

Cath looked up. This time between three and five, what about her
ex-boyfriend? She couldn't have visited him, could she?"

"Good point, Cath. I don't know, look into it, would you?"

"Yes."

DS Lawrence put his cigarette in his mouth and stretched.

"Right, nothing else I take it?' There was a silence. ', we'll have
another briefing in my office, tomorrow morning, nine-thirty.' And
picking up his cigarettes, he walked out of the canteen.

Cora sat in a deckchair in Thea's garden and watched Tom kick a football
around. It was still warm, too warm for May, she thought, unnaturally
warm, and she found the heat oppressive.

"Did you see that one, Aunty Cora?' Tom called.

She dipped her sunglasses to the end of her nose and said, ' shot!' even
though she hadn't seen it.

Tom came over with his ball under his arm and sat on the grass at her
feet. '! I'm steaming!"

Cora put her hand on his hair and smiled. ' a funny expression,' she
said. ' taught you that?"

"Henry Pearson."

"Oh, Henry Pearson, eh? What a posh school you do go to, my darling
Tom.' She ruffled his hair and the front door bell sounded.

Til go!' he chirped, jumping up with his ball under his arm. He
disappeared inside the house and Cora was briefly uneasy on her own.
Moments later, he re-emerged with a figure behind him. ''s someone for
you, Aunty Cora,' he said, but as Cora looked up she couldn't see who it
was because their back was to the sun and a sudden knot of panic
exploded in her stomach. She jumped up and DS Lawrence stepped forward.
He saw her face.

"I'm sorry,' he said, keeping his distance. It's DS Lawrence, I didn't
mean to scare you.' He took his ID badge out and held it up for her.
Cora stood rigid, her heart hammering in her chest. ' your mother
around?' Lawrence said to Tom.

"Yes, I'll go and get her. MUM!' He headed towards the house, shouting
at the top of his voice. '! There's someone to see Aunty Cora! Can you
come out? MUM!"

Cora remained standing. Her face had drained of colour and DS Lawrence
wondered if she was going to faint. It was with relief that he saw Thea
come out of the cottage and take Cora's arm.

"You all right?' she murmured. ''s one of the police officers, he's ...
" Tm fine,' Cora said. She moved back to her deckchair.

Thea said, Til put the kettle on for some tea. Would you like a cup, erm
... "

"DS Lawrence, and yes, yes please, I'd love a cup.' He watched Thea go
into the cottage through the French doors and recognised the grace and
rhythm of a dancer in her movement. He found himself wondering about her
act and had to mentally stop himself. It was unprofessional.

Walking across to the table, he pulled out a director's chair and sat
down. Cora was staring at the end of the garden and he said, ''s a
lovely garden. What's at the bottom there?"

"A stream,' Cora said. Thea used to worry terribly about Tom when she
first moved here, in case he fell in."

"Yes, I can imagine."

Thea appeared with a tray of tea things: brightly coloured mugs, a jug
in the shape of a cow and a homemade cake.

"Wow,' Lawrence said. That looks good!"

Cora turned to him. ' quite what you expected from a couple of--' Thea
glared at her and she stopped, seeing Tom over her shoulder. Thea's very
talented. She went to university,' Cora said. '."

"Really?"

Thea flushed. ' dropped out actually, I got pregnant with this wonderful
monster here!' She pulled Tom into a hug and he wriggled to be free. '
old me!" "Yes, poor old you!' Tom said. ' I have some cake?"

"Yes, after DS Lawrence.' Thea unloaded the plates. The kettle's
boiling, I'll just make the tea,' and she disappeared inside.

"I need to talk to you,' Lawrence said to Cora. '."

"I'd like Thea to be there,' Cora said. ' that OK?"

Lawrence glanced at Tom. Tom, how about if I ask Mummy to put a video on
for you for an hour or so?" Cora suggested.

"What, before supper?"

"Yes, special treat."

Tom threw his fist in the air. '!"

When Thea came out with a large white teapot, Cora asked, Thea, can Tom
watch a video while we talk to DS Lawrence?"

Thea nodded. ' on, monster, what's it going to be?"

"YES!' Tom crowed again in victory and they went inside.

Again DS Lawrence found himself watching Thea. She was incredibly
attractive. It wasn't really looks, there was just something physical
about her, something inherently sexy.

Lawrence picked up the teapot and poured three mugs of tea. ', d'you
have milk and sugar?" "Just milk,' she said. He added some to her cup
and passed it to her. ' about Thea?"

"Both."

He added both to Thea's cup and when she came out again he handed her
the mug. Thanks,' she said. '?"

She cut it, passed it round and they all sat there for a few moments,
drinking and eating, politely having tea. Cora thought it bizarre.

"Is it all right to talk?' Lawrence asked when he'd finished his cake.

Thea glanced over her shoulder. '."

"Good. I've really only come to let you know what's been going on so
far. And also to ask couple of questions. Is that all right?"

Cora nodded. She had folded her arms across her body, a defensive
gesture, and Lawrence added, ' won't take long, I promise.' She nodded
again.

"Wakes is out on bail,' Lawrence said. That's the first thing I need to
tell you."

Cora sat forward. ''re joking!' she exclaimed. ' raping someone?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. But, Cora, I'm afraid that it's also a bit more
complicated than that. Wakes has admitted having sex with you and he's
said that you consented."

"What?' Her face was stricken. ' consented? What the hell does that
mean?"

Thea placed her hand on Cora's shoulder.

"It means that although we treat this as a violent sexual assault, the
case that goes to court will be whether or not you consented to sex."

"So it's his word against mine, is that it?' Her voice had taken on an
hysterical edge. ' that what you're trying to tell me? That it's some
big shot in the city against me, a stripper, someone who got what she
deserved?' She let out a sob and bit the back of her hand.

"Has Cora got it right?' Thea asked. ' they do that?"

Lawrence nodded. ' we've got a good case, as good as his, believe me!
And we'll do everything we can to prove that this was a sexual assault,
we're sure--"

"You can't be sure of anything,' Cora said.

Lawrence and Thea looked at her.

"You cannot be sure if it's going to rain tomorrow or not,' she said
quietly. ' if the nice man you take home will turn out to be a violent
rapist.' She stood up.

There's nothing left that makes any sense any more."

And leaving her tea and cake unfinished, she walked inside.

Thea sat down. ' don't know what to do with her,' she said. ' don't know
how to help."

Lawrence took his cigarettes out of his pocket and, not thinking to ask,
lit one up. ' can offer counselling. D'you think she'd agree to that?"

"She might do. I honestly don't know at the moment." Thea sipped her
tea. She thought for a few seconds, then said, ' were the questions? Can
I help?"

"We're missing a couple of hours, between three-fifteen and around five,
when Cora turned up here. Have you any idea where she might have gone?
Has she mentioned it to you?"

"No."

"What about the ex-boyfriend?"

"Ewert?' Thea put her cup down. ' might have gone there, but I think
she'd have remembered if she had. You'd probably want to ask him, I
think. My guess is that she just drove around. She was very confused
when she arrived, I don't think she knew what she was doing."

"Well, we're checking that.' Lawrence drained his cup and stubbed his
cigarette out on the sole of his shoe. He put it in his pocket.

"You don't have to do that,' Thea said.

"What?"

"I could throw it away for you." He smiled and Thea thought how
different he looked.

Quite nice-looking, in fact. ', it's all right, it's a very old habit,
hard to break." She smiled back. Tm sorry I can't help any more."

"No. Think about the counselling, won't you? You can call me, you've got
my number.' Thea nodded and Lawrence stood. ' for the tea."

That's OK."

Smiling briefly at her, he left.

Daniel Ellis pulled into the drive of Willow House, switched his
headlights off and sat for a few moments in the comforting silence of
the country. It was late, the boys were in bed and Petula had switched
most of the lights off in the house.

He climbed out of the car, walked to the front door and put his key in
the lock. The wistaria was in flower, a mass of pale lavender blooms
that hung heavy and swollen with pollen, pulled towards the ground.
Daniel stood looking at it, at the knotted branches, the feathery leaves
and the ripe sensual flowers, then, completely on impulse, he took his
key out of the lock, got back into the car and drove to Tanbry Cottage.

He knew Thea's bedroom was at the front and, risking making a fool of
himself, he threw a handful of gravel up at the window, hearing it ping
as it hit the glass. A minute or so later the blind went up, a lamp was
switched on in the room and Thea came to the window. She looked down,
saw Daniel and disappeared. He waited. The wait seemed to last for ever.

"Daniel?"

He turned. Thea had a silk thing on, a sort of dressing gown, he
supposed, but it was thin and clingy and he had to swallow down a lump
that rose in his throat. Was he here just for sex? Was he going insane,
driven mad by lust for a younger woman? Oh God, he thought as she came
nearer, I hope this isn't some kind of mid-life crisis, but then she
smiled at him and said, This is ridiculously, insanely romantic!' and he
knew that it was far more than that. She stepped a pace closer and he
bent his head to kiss her.

"It is, isn't it?' He pulled back. ' we ... ?"

The car?"

"Yes, the car."

Daniel opened the door for her and she climbed in the back. Her robe
fell apart as she did so and her thighs were the colour of orange
blossom honey.

"Are they real?' he asked, climbing in beside her and touching her leg.

She pinched her thigh. '! Yes, I think so." He smiled. Tm sorry, I
shouldn't be here, I know, but I can't get you out of my head and I,
well, I just thought--"

Thea put her ringer across his lips. Tm glad you're here."

Daniel put his arm out and Thea moved into his embrace.

"We must look ridiculous," he said, ' here like this."

"Who can see us?"

"No one.' He kissed the top of her head. ', I had a shitty day! I can't
tell you how nice this is.' He kissed her again.

"Why so shitty?' She turned to look at him.

"I took a case that I don't really want to do, just for the money, and
it bothers me. I don't like doing that, I think it's unethical."
"Welcome to the real world,' Thea said. ' all have to pay the bills."

"You're very cynical for a young one."

"Not that young,' she replied, turning her body further towards him. Her
breasts pressed against his chest.

"Oh God, that's not fair.' He bent and kissed her mouth.

That is definitely not fair,' he murmured as she snaked her fingers
inside his shirt.

Thea sat up suddenly. ', sorry. Let's just talk then."

Daniel grinned. ' wasn't that unfair!"

"No, really, come on, tell me about the case. Why don't you want to do
it?"

"I'm not allowed to say that much, but it's not my thing.

It's defence for a rape case and--"

Thea suddenly moved away. She moved from his embrace, folded her arms
across her chest and stared out of the window.

"Hey? What did I say?' Daniel put his hand on her shoulder. Thea? What's
up? Did I do something, say something?' She shrugged and he gently
turned her to face him. Thea? What is it? You can't just turn away like
that without any reason." She looked at him for a moment, then she said,
' would you defend a rapist?"

"Because that young man is innocent until proven guilty and he has a
right to a defence."

"Do you really believe he's innocent?"

"Yes! Of course I do! I wouldn't defend him if I didn't."

"Not just for the money?" Daniel sat up. ',' he said coolly, ' just for
the money.

I have ethics and I'm an honest man, Thea. If you don't think that then
you should get out of the car and walk away from me now." Thea continued
to look at him. Tm sorry,' she said after a while. ' didn't mean to
offend you."

"No, well ...' She reached forward and kissed him. ' right, apology
accepted.' Taking her hand in his, he said, Tm sorry that it upsets you.
It's a highly emotive subject, Thea, that's one of the reasons I don't
want to do it.

My junior is a young woman, Sophie Reece, and it's a sensitive issue all
round. Especially when it's a question of consent."

Ts it?" T'm not at liberty to say,' he replied, then he smiled.

Kissing her hand, he pulled her towards him and said, "Can we meet up?
Tomorrow maybe?"

Phil had cancelled all their bookings, she was free but there was Cora
to consider. ''d like to but my friend ... "

"Ah, the friend.' Daniel looked away for a moment.

Turning back, he said, ', I have to be honest, this isn't some silly
fling as far as I'm concerned, I'd like it to be more, but I need to
know if your friend, the man I saw here yesterday, is important to you."

Thea looked down at her hands. She tried really hard to stop the bubble
of glee that rose up in her chest but she couldn't. ',' she said, a
snort of laughter escaping.

"He's very important to me.' Daniel stared at her. ''s my father,' she
said and burst into giggles. Daniel grinned.

"Jake was down from London,' Thea explained, calming down, ' often comes
down to see Tom."

"I see.' There was a short pause. ' who's the friend?"

Thea sobered up. She didn't know how much or how little to say, so she
just said, ''s my best friend, she's not well and she's staying with me.
1 don't want to leave her on her own, that's the problem, and she's not
up to company."

"OK.' A sudden relief flooded through Daniel and he grinned again. '
about meeting here, tomorrow, same time, when everyone else is in bed?"

Thea glanced behind her at the house, then up the drive.

"Come at ten,' she said, ' if you park the car round the corner there by
the garage, it can't be seen from the house."

She turned back to him. '?"

He pulled her to him and held her close, breathing in the warm scent of
her. Then he released her and she jumped down out of the car. ',' she
said quietly.

"Yes, tomorrow.' He watched her disappear round the side of the cottage
and smiled to himself. Then he too jumped down from the car, climbed
back into the driver's seat, started the engine and drove off. He was
home by eleven-thirty and in bed by midnight. He slept like a brick and
woke the next day with the sort of excited, joyous feeling he hadn't
experienced for years.

Chapter Nineteen.

Cora sat with Phil in the drab, stuffy reception at Crawley police
station, waiting for DS Lawrence. It was still hot, well into June now,
and she wondered if this bloody weather would ever break. She wanted
some rain, cool, cleansing rain, but all she got were deep blue skies,
scorched earth and searing heat. She hated it. She hated it because it
made no sense, it was another thing that made no sense, an English
summer of sweltering, torrid weather.

"Miss. White? Corinne White?"

Phil squeezed her hand. That's us.' He stood and waited for Cora to get
to her feet. She pulled the cardigan she was wearing tight around her
and a small trickle of sweat ran down the side of her face.

"D'you want to take that off?' Phil asked.

Cora shook her head and he sighed, taking hold of her hand again. In an
ankle-length dress and long-sleeved cardigan, she was covered from the
neck to the feet, as she had been since the attack. Her face was pink
with the heat, but her hands, in contrast, were icy cold. Phil led her
towards the interview room and the faceless WPC who, despite the smile,
was unwelcoming.

DS Dave Lawrence was waiting for her. ', come in and sit down, please."
Cora and Phil did as asked, Cora clasping her hands tightly together on
her lap. ''m Phil Habben,' Phil said, offering his hand, ''s business
partner and friend."

"Nice to meet you, Phil,' Lawrence said. He sat down with a pale brown
folder in front of him and opened it.

This was difficult, probably the worst scenario in a case like this and
Lawrence was dreading it.

"Corinne, I've asked you here to let you know what's happening with your
case at the moment. We've got a case hearing in court tomorrow and the
GPS have asked me to let you know, forewarn you to some extent, that
things might not run as smoothly as we'd hoped."

"What d'you mean, not as smoothly as you'd hoped?"

Cora was immediately tense and Phil glanced sidelong at her.

"Well.' Lawrence glanced down at his file. The defence are going to
question whether we really have a case and I'm afraid that it's going to
be difficult to prove that we do."

"Difficult? What's difficult about it? He raped me, surely you believe
me, surely--"

"Of course we believe you, Corinne, of course we do.

There's no question in my mind or in the minds of anyone here that we
have a case, that a sexual assault against you was made by Jason Wakes,
but I'm afraid that it's not as simple as that. His defence are arguing
that you consented to sex and they have built up a very good case."

"How? How can they do that?' Her voice had risen and Phil felt a knot in
the pit of his stomach.

The defence team have a witness who said that he saw you leave with Mr.
Wakes on very good terms, intimate terms."

"Who?' Cora was panic struck. ' said that? Who was it? They're lying! No
one saw me leave, no one ...' Suddenly she broke off. The new doorman,'
she said. She shook her head. The new bouncer, I'd never seen him before
and he gave me a really weird look when I arrived, like I was trash.

He came to the dressing room and Debbie opened the door in costume,
she--"

"He alleges that you and Debbie Pritchard were both naked when he called
at the door with his message," Lawrence said.

Cora gasped. She put her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Look, I'm sorry, I know this is very difficult for you. It's difficult
for us too, we--"

"Difficult for you--?' Cora broke off, her voice failing her.

There was a brief silence which Lawrence felt it better to fill. ''m
afraid that they also have witnesses in the club,' he said. ' of Mr.
Wakes who state that you and Debbie Pritchard were both drinking heavily
in the club after the act and that--"

"It's not true!' Cora cried. ' was only there to make sure Debbie was
all right. She's my responsibility Tell him, Phil, tell him that I never
drink after the act, never! I never drink anywhere except at home or at
Thea's house, do I, Phil? I never do! Tell him, Phil!"

Phil stood up. He moved across to Cora and knelt down in front of her,
taking both her hands in his. ''s all right,' he said. ''ve got my
statement, Thea's statement, Debbie is a witness, and Lenny spoke up for
you as well.

That's right, isn't it?' He glanced at the policeman, who nodded.

"Our case is strong too, Corinne,' Lawrence said. ' must believe that,
but I have to inform you of what the other side are going to put
forward. It doesn't mean that they'll win, OK?"

Cora tried to swallow down a lump that was stuck in the back of her
throat. She nodded.

"Are you all right for me to continue?"

Phil squeezed her hands and stood up. '? Are you OK?"

"Yes,' she said. ' on."

The defence are arguing that when you left the club with Mr. Wakes you
were on intimate terms with him.

They are saying that you consented to sex, that things got a little
aggressive, at your insistence, and that you accidentally hit your head
on the doorframe. Mr. Wakes tried to help you, but you told him you were
fine. Now this next bit is speculation, the defence team's version of
events, it bears no relation to what really happened, but I'm afraid as
we are missing the time in question we can't prove irrefutably that it
didn't actually happen. D'you see what 1 mean?"

"Yes. Go on.' Cora found she was bracing herself.

"OK. They are also going to argue that after you left Mr. Wakes, you
visited your ex-boyfriend, Ewert Lockhart, and that in a fit of jealousy
he hit you. That accounts for the bruising on your face and thighs. He
has used violence against you in the past, is that right?"

Cora nodded. She hung her head down and closed her eyes.

To make matters worse, unfortunately Mr. Lockhart isn't available to
refute this. He has disappeared--"

"Disappeared?' Cora interjected. ' the hell has he disappeared? What,
like a bloody magician?! I don't understand!"

"Cora.' Phil reached out and touched her arm again. ' DS Lawrence
finish, please. Hear him out."

"But how can he have--' She broke off as Phil squeezed her arm and
glanced up at Lawrence. ', sorry,' she murmured. ' on."

"Mr. Lockhart seems to have left his known address and we have no idea
of his present whereabouts. You wouldn't have any idea of where he might
have gone, would you?"

Cora shook her head.

"No, well, the long and short of it is that we have no way of contacting
him in order for him to make his own statement as to what happened."

"Nothing happened!' Cora exclaimed. ' didn't even see Ewert that night.
I--" "Corinne,' Lawrence interrupted. He wasn't good at handling this
sort of thing, other people's pain made him uneasy.

"I'm sorry,' he said, ' know this is distressing for you but I can't go
on if you keep interrupting me! It's important that you listen to what
I'm saying and that you understand the procedure! Is that clear?"

Cora ground her teeth and on her right Phil was close to snarling.

"As I was saying, we need Mr. Lockhart to refute what the defence are
saying, otherwise it could damage your case.

They are arguing that he has recently disappeared because of what he did
to you."

That's ridiculous!' Phil burst out. ' starters Ewert wouldn't disappear
because he gave Cora a slap. You're right, he has done it before and
it's never bothered him in the past! Second, she finished with him
months ago, so why would she want to go and see him? The whole affair
was washed up and done with, what good would visiting Ewert have done
her? Also, how did she get from Horsham to Balham and back to West
Sussex in an hour and a half?"

That's exactly the point the GPS are putting to the judge."

"Good! I'm glad to hear it!' Phil said. ' least they seem to be doing
something!' He was irritated now; this business about Ewert was really
taking the piss. ' you'll forgive me for being blunt, it strikes me that
your GPS people haven't got much of a clue and that the defendant gets
to hire a brilliant barrister simply because he's loaded and he's the
defendant. It's a bit weighted to one side, isn't it?"

"I don't think so,' Lawrence said. ' do our best in the circumstances."

"What circumstances are they, then?' Phil demanded.

The circumstances of a very difficult case!' Lawrence fired back. ' all
due respect, we have a case that hinges on consent. On the one side we
have the defendant with no previous convictions, a good solid
reputation, an intelligent, hard-working, honest man by all accounts,
and on the other we have a strip-tease artist, with an ex-boyfriend who
used to knock her about and nowhere near the number of character
witnesses that the defendant has! The jury will have to believe one of
them and the defence are arguing that there's no contest!' Lawrence
glared at Phil.

"We haven't exactly got a clear run at things, have we?' he snapped.

"Stop it!' Cora suddenly cried. ' carping on about me as if I'm not
here!' She stood up and Phil saw that her hands were shaking. ' are the
chances of the defence winning, of them saying I have no case?"

"I don't know ... I couldn't be sure at this point, I ... "

"Just tell me!' Cora cried. ' a scale of one to ten, what are their
chances of throwing the case out?' She was squeezing the fingers of one
hand with the other so hard to stop them shaking that her hands had
completely drained of blood.

"I don't think it's appropriate at this point to--"

"Just tell me!"

Lawrence was highly uncomfortable. He hesitated, glanced at Cora's
stricken face, then said, ''s seventy - thirty, in their favour, I'd
say."

"No ...' Cora shook her head in disbelief. ', it can't be.' She put her
hands up to her face, let out a strangled sob and that moment seemed to
go on indefinitely, the sob echoing round the room. Phil went to stand,
but Cora backed towards the door. That means he'll get away with it,'
she hissed through clenched teeth. That he'll do it again and I--' She
broke off and stared at DS Lawrence. That means that I ... I'm all the
things they say I am, that ... "

She shook her head again. ' can't get away with it!' she suddenly cried.
' can't, I don't believe it, I ...' The next moment she turned and ran
to the door. Phil jumped up, knocking his chair over, but she was too
quick. Yanking the door open, she flew out into the corridor, shoving
someone against the wall in her panic to flee.

Phil dashed after her. '!' he shouted down the corridor. ', wait!' But
she ignored him and ran on. '!"

He hurried down the steps and out into the street, looking both ways to
see if he could spot her, but she had gone. The street was packed, it
was hot and dusty and the traffic fumes left a haze in the air. She was
nowhere to be seen.

"Oh fuck!' he snarled. He kicked the wall hard and briefly wondered
about going back to give that police officer a piece of his mind. He
slumped against the same wall and decided not to. What good would it do?
It wouldn't change anything. Tuck!' he said again. He was as powerless
as the next man. And digging his hands in his pockets he made his way
back to the car.

Cora walked for miles. She walked around shops, along melting tarmac
pavements, through alleyways and across a park. She didn't hear the
traffic or the noise of the crowds shopping. She didn't see anything. At
some point she found herself in a multi-storey car park and climbed the
stairs to the top floor, eleven flights up, to see if the world made any
sense from there. But it didn't.

At the edge, she sat on the wall and let her legs drop over the side,
looking down on the small cars and the dots of people. It didn't make
any more sense, but it was better, having everything in miniature, it
was manageable.

That was the problem, she thought, the size of everything.

For months now nothing fitted, nothing was in its place, everything was
too big, everything overpowered her. This was good, this was finally in
proportion.

She saw a police car stop on the road below and a small crowd form. She
wanted to call out, to tell them that it all looked far better up here.
But she didn't. If she jumped, if she just slid off this wall, then
she'd be down among them in seconds, she'd be able to tell them then.
She smiled. I wonder what it's like to fly, she thought, and inched
forward towards the falling air.

"Hello?"

She turned.

"Are you OK?' It was a woman.

"Fine."

"Would you like a hand down?"

Cora looked behind her again. Would she like a hand down? What a stupid
question. ' thanks,' she said, ' can jump."

"I wouldn't, if I were you."

"Wouldn't you? And why's that?" There was no answer. Typical, Cora
thought, no one has the answer.

"Because people care,' the woman said.

"Yes.' Cora glanced over her shoulder. The woman was ordinary looking,
in a long M & S summer frock, flowery and badly cut. ' see, the point is
that I don't."

"No?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Tor God's sake!' Cora said irritably. ' I wanted to talk I'd have phoned
a bloody chat line!' She glanced over her shoulder again. ', just go
away and leave me alone!"

"It might make it easier if you shared it with someone." Cora snorted. '
please!' she said. ' me!' A sort of senseless irritation was taking
hold. Who the hell was this bloody woman? Christ, if this was the
government's new caring society they could keep it! She couldn't even
top herself in peace!

"If that's what you really want, but I don't think it is, is it?"

Cora swung round, a sudden bloodburst of anger hitting her brain. ' the
fucking hell would you know about what I want?' she cried. ' does anyone
know about it?' She slid off the wall and stood facing the woman. That
bastard said he knew, he said 1 asked for it, that 1 wanted it, he told
them he knew what I wanted and no one, no one ever asked me, not Thea,
not my mum, not Ewert! No one! No one ever fucking asked me what I want!
Not ever!

Not ...' Suddenly Cora began to cry. From deep inside her the pain
welled up and haemorrhaged. She put her hands up to her face and the
tears seeped out through her fingers and ran down her wrists. She
slumped back against the wall, sinking to the floor. ' God,' she wept,
"I just wanted to be loved.' And for the first time ever, it began to
make sense.

Daniel Ellis sat with his oldest friend in a restaurant in the city.
They were on coffees, having had just one main course because Daniel had
to see clients that afternoon and because he wasn't a fan of big boozy
lunches.

"And?' his friend asked.

"Yes, Matt, yes is the answer to that one and it was incredible!' Daniel
glanced nervously over his shoulder. ' is incredible,' he said. ' can't
believe it's happening to me!"

His friend smiled. ' not, Clan, you deserve a good time."

"No, this is more than a good time, this is knee-trembling,
take-her-home-to-meet-your-mother stuff! Christ, Matt, she's the most
extraordinary woman I've ever met.' He stopped and took a breath. The
need to talk about Thea, to explain to someone was totally overpowering.
Tm sorry," he said, ''ve got to talk, you don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all.' Matt ordered more coffee and their cups were refilled.
Tire away."

"She's not like Charlotte, she's totally different, which I suppose is a
good thing. There's nothing steady about her, she's the most capricious
woman! She is so hot sometimes it takes my breath away, and other times,
she's as cool as hell, aloof, which of course makes me wild for her!" He
smiled. Tm like a schoolboy, I walk around with a permanent erection!
It's bloody ridiculous!"

Matt laughed. ''t knock it, my friend!"

Now Daniel laughed. ', seriously, it's like being a youth again, we do
it in the car and on rugs in fields in the moonlight.' Matt laughed
again, this time raucously. Tve got bloody gnat bites on my ass, for
God's sake!' Daniel stopped and took a sip of his coffee. ' it's not
just the sex, it's the way she talks to me, listens to what I have to
say, really listens, and the way she smiles and laughs. She gardens in a
bikini and wellies, you know?"

"Really? Has she met the boys?"

"Oh no, it's all very secret. She's got this friend who comes and goes,
so we tiptoe around this woman and she doesn't want anyone to know."

"Why's that?"

"I guess in case it doesn't work out.' Daniel thought for a moment. He
didn't really have a smart answer to that one.

"So where's all this going?"

Daniel signalled for the bill. ', immediately, to Amberly Castle Hotel,
for one night of unbridled passion in a huge comfy bed. Tonight
actually, it's quite a step forward that she agreed to it." "And then?"
Daniel sighed. To be honest, Matt, I don't know. As far as I'm
concerned, all the way, but she's holding back, I don't know why. It's
as if a part of her just can't let go."

Matt was smiling.

"I mean personality wise! You dirty old man!" "Less of the old, Ellis,'
Matt said, standing as the waiter came across with the bill. Tm
thirty-four, which is a year younger than you!"

Daniel put his card on the tray and stood as well. ', but I look
twenty-five, where as you, my friend, you look--"

But before he could finish, Matt blew him a raspberry and walked away.

Daniel called his junior into the office on his arrival back from lunch.
' this the Wakes brief?"

"Yes. We're in court tomorrow morning and he's due in Chambers in
...'She looked at her watch.'... ten minutes." She smiled. ''t leave you
much time."

"I've had less,' he said and she left him to it.

In ten minutes he had looked over the file, got up to speed and called
Sophie back in for a quick chat.

"Did we agree to this use of business names?"

"Yes, there was a special plea, owing to the nature of the case. The
victim said she felt safer using her pseudonym."

"OK, fine. Is there anything else that I need to know?"

Sophie raised an eyebrow. Tm putting something together on the business
- Silk and Lace, it's called - but we don't really need that for
tomorrow." "Silk and Lace, eh?' Daniel smiled.

There was a knock on the door and Charlie put his head round. '. Wakes
is here, Mr. Ellis."

Thanks, Charlie, show him in, will you?' He glanced at Sophie. ''s hope
he's a little better behaved than the last time we met him." She smiled
and Wakes came in with Peter Killen.

"Mr. Wakes.' Daniel stood and shook hands with Wakes, then Killen. '
know my junior, Sophie Reece.' Sophie held out her hand but only Peter
Killen shook it. Jason Wakes ignored her and sat down.

"Right, well, let's get on then, shall we?' Daniel usually offered tea
but he didn't take kindly to anyone offending his junior. ' you know,
we're in court tomorrow morning and we're going for a dismissal. We are
planning to argue that the GPS don't have a strong enough case.' Daniel
opened the file. ', you know the details, Mr. Wakes, Mr. Killen will
have kept you up to speed on what we're doing but we wanted to know this
afternoon if there was anything else you might want to add, anything at
all."

Wakes shuffled in his chair. He was a glossy character, Daniel thought,
with his tailor-made suit, striped shirt, gold cufflinks and silk-weave
tie. No wonder the GPS didn't have a case. His hair was immaculately cut
and his nails had an unnatural sheen to them. Manicured, Daniel noted,
and for some reason he found that slightly distasteful.

"I don't think there's anything I want to add verbally," Wakes said, '
to my statement, but I did find this in my desk some weeks back and I
thought it might be useful."

He bent, lifted his briefcase on to his lap and, opening it, he took out
a photograph. ''s a card to advertise Corinne White's act and it's
pretty provocative."

"Well, I don't know that it's terribly relevant,' Daniel said.

Wakes held the photo out and Daniel felt obliged to take it, even though
he wasn't interested. He held the picture for a moment before looking at
it, then he put it on the desk in front of him and glanced briefly at
the image. He looked up at Wakes, but somewhere in his brain the image
registered and he looked back down at it.

For a moment the room was completely still. He stared, stunned, his
heart pounding.

"I, erm ...' He glanced up at Wakes. ' is this?"

That's Corinne White and her usual strip-tease partner Dorothy Marsh."

Dorothy Marsh - Thea Marshall. Daniel stared at the photograph. It was
her! It was Thea! It had to be, he'd recognise her anywhere! He blinked
rapidly several times and a small sweat broke out on the back of his
neck. ', erm ... excuse me for a moment!' he said. And picking the
picture up, he suddenly stood and strode out of the room.

"Daniel?' Sophie Reece stood on the steps of Chambers and looked at him
pacing the ground. '? What's up? What's happened?"

He stopped. ''s far too complicated to go into now, Sophie.' He still
held the photo. ', can you do something for me?"

"Yes, of course. What?"

"Go back in there and tell Wakes that I've had to be called out on an
emergency and I can't see him. OK?"

Sophie narrowed her eyes. ' won't buy it, Daniel.

You're not a GP, for God's sake!"

"Oh, that I were!"

He crossed to her and held her arms. ', I can't take this case, I simply
cannot do it, all right? I can't explain now, not until I've spoken to
Geoffrey.' Geoffrey was head of Chambers. ' I need you to sort it for
me, OK? Tell Wakes I've had to go out, I'd forgotten that I was supposed
to be in court and I'll call you later this afternoon. All right?' He
felt in his jacket pocket for his wallet and car keys. Til be back in
Chambers tonight, I don't know what time but I will be back and I'll get
someone else to do this brief, OK?"

Sophie nodded. '."

Daniel released her and glanced at his watch. ' girl, thank you.' He
headed off in the direction of the car park.

"And good luck,' he called over his shoulder. ' owe you one, Sophie!"

Phil parked his car, switched the engine off and picked up his mobile.
He tried Thea again, his fingers drumming nervously on the dashboard as
he waited. ' on, Thea," he murmured; she had been engaged all afternoon.
'!" he said aloud. There was no connection. He started the engine and
indicated to pull out. He didn't know where he was going next but he had
to keep looking for Cora.

Thea was upstairs in the cottage, she had the door to her bedroom closed
and her portable CD player blasting out Puccini. There was no Tom to
complain, he had been packed off to Jake's for the night and Cora was
going back to her flat in Chichester with Phil after she'd seen the GPS.

Thea was packing. She had one glorious, hedonistic night with Daniel
ahead of her and she was as high as a kite with excitement. She had been
trying on clothes all afternoon, deciding what to wear for dinner, for
breakfast tomorrow, for arriving in, for leaving in and now she was
about to pack the new silk slip she had bought for sleeping in. It was a
slither of pale grey silk satin, with a deep inset of lace over her
breasts so that her nipples were just visible through it. It was
knee-length and had a long slit up the side, all the way to her hip. It
was the most ridiculous and fanciful thing she had ever bought, but she
loved it. She was about to lay it in the bag when she heard her name,
but only just, over the noise of the music. She went to the window with
the slip still in her hands.

"Daniel?"

He was standing by his car and calling up to her.

"Hang on!' she shouted. ''m just coming!' Leaving the music playing, she
dashed down the stairs and out of the front door.

"Hi!' she said, reaching up to kiss him. ', isn't this divine?' She held
the slip, which was still in her hands, up for him to see. ', you
shouldn't really see it before tonight.' She took a pace back and looked
at him. He was pale and his eyes were blazing. '?

Are you--"

"Is that part of your act?' he asked coldly. ' of your costumes
perhaps?"

Thea took a sharp breath in. She stood where she was and held herself a
little straighter, lifting her head up. ' you know,' she said.

"Know?' Daniel suddenly exploded, '? Jesus Christ, Thea! Why the hell
couldn't you have told me? Why? Yes I know! I only found out that I've
been sleeping with the chief bloody witness in the case I'm supposed to
be defending, haven't I? Jesus Christ! Why in God's name didn't you tell
me?"

Tell you? What do you mean sleeping with the witness?"

"I'm defending Jason Wakes!' Daniel cried. ' rather I was until this
afternoon when I found out that you are a main witness in the case! Is
that your friend? Corinne White?"

"Yes. Cora, her name is Cora."

"And you're both--' He broke off.

"Go on, say it, Daniel!"

"All right! You're both strippers, are you?"

"Yes!"

"Christ, this is a mess! I've been sleeping with a stripper who's a
witness in my case.' He put his hands up to his head. ' you any idea how
difficult this is, how embarrassing?"

"What, Daniel? The fact that I'm a stripper or the fact that I'm a
witness in this case?" Daniel looked at her. ' don't know,' he said. '
really don't know."

"I see.' Thea turned away from him.

"No,' Daniel said. ' don't think you do, Thea. You should have told me,
you should have--"

"What? Confessed all, begged for forgiveness? Oh please, I'm not that
sort, Daniel, and you know it! I do what I have to do to earn a living,
it's not dirty, it's not dishonest and on top of that I run a bloody
good business as well. It keeps me and it keeps Tom and frankly that's
all--"

"What's that noise?' Thea stopped. She turned towards the house and
heard a high-pitched screeching noise. ' don't know.' She headed towards
the front door.

"Is it an alarm?"

"No. It's the phone, it's been off the hook."

"I see."

She replaced the phone and they stood there for several minutes in
silence; Daniel half inside the house, half outside it. Then the phone
rang and made them both jump.

Thea picked it up. '? Where are you, I was going to phone you later,
I--' She broke off. ', no she hasn't!

Have you tried the flat?' She looked at Daniel and he saw the panic in
her eyes.

"She can't have done! She can't just have disappeared, Phil! Where have
you looked? Have you tried Jake? She's definitely not at home?' Thea
stopped. ' God, perhaps she's had an accident, Phil, perhaps--' Again
she broke off.

"All right, yes, if you think so, yes, we'll leave it a couple of
hours.' She slumped back against the wall. ', yes, come over, I'm not
going anywhere. Yes, OK, see you then.' She hung up and covered her face
with her hands.

Thea?' Daniel moved forward, then stopped himself.

Thea, what's happened?"

Thea dropped her hands down and looked at him. ' found out this morning
that the GPS might have to drop the case and she took it really badly."

Daniel glanced away for a moment. '?"

"She was in a terrible state!' Her voice broke and was thick with tears.
' said she ran out of the office almost hysterical, he tried to go after
her but ... "

"Oh God, Thea, I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?' she cried. ' do it just for the money, you destroy her
and you're sorry?"

"Where is she?' Daniel asked. ''s happened to her?"

That's just it! We don't know!' She looked at him and he longed to touch
her. ' has disappeared,' Thea said, 'and the state she was in, God knows
what might have happened to her."

Chapter Twenty.

Hedda woke early, around four-thirty in the summer, just when the light
began to filter into the day and the birdsong started its noisy chant.
She turned on to her back and slowly let herself come to full
consciousness. That was the most exquisite pleasure, the slow awakening
to each day, the mellow anticipation of what was to come, and the birds.
Sitting up on that Tuesday morning, Hedda cursed - good-naturedly, as
she always did -- the birds. God, if only someone had told her that
rural life was made up of far more intrusive noise than city life ever
was. If only someone had told her that there was no complaining to the
noise-abatement people about her feathered neighbours, that there was no
such thing as political correctness in rural France and that a life
without any of that crap would be blissful. She reached for her cardigan
and climbed out of bed to make herself some fresh coffee. Opening the
shutters, Hedda looked out at a purple sky streaked with orange and at a
landscape drenched in iridescent light. She took a deep breath, smiled
at the birds and turned to go downstairs to the kitchen.

Hedda's house was small and well designed. It had been constructed out
of local stone and timber some time in the last century, a farm
building, sturdy and solid, with cool stone floors. Once the house in
London had been sold and Jake had taken his share - Hedda was
egalitarian to the last - she had gone to Paris for a while, to escape,
and had seen the house in an agent's window. She hadn't ever intended to
buy something in France, but she had the money, had planned to take a
year or so off from the practice and thought, on seeing it: What the
hell? The following day she had driven down to Provence, fallen in love
with a pile of stone and negotiated a price for it there and then.

She hired a French architect and a local builder, very Peter Mayle, very
slow and chaotic. But she'd become involved with the builder and somehow
the time and the disorder didn't seem to matter as much as it should
have done.

Henri was a man older than herself, a robust, Cognac drinking French
countryman who took no nonsense and who argued with her fiercely, never
letting her gain ground that she shouldn't have won. He was rather
old-fashioned, expected more of Hedda than she was prepared to give, but
it added a certain frisson to the relationship and she never tired of
telling him so.

Hedda pottered downstairs into the kitchen, moved Henri's boots from the
hall to outside the front door and stood for a moment taking in the cool
stillness of the dawn. She didn't live with Henri, he had his own place
down in the village, but she expected him for breakfast. He was working
on a project beyond her house, up towards the next village and he liked
to call in for coffee, bread and a quick lie down before he started his
day.

Turning back inside, Hedda put the coffee on, a small task she had
always left to Jake but something she now realised that she enjoyed. She
pulled her cardigan a bit tighter round her body and cut herself a chunk
of bread, standing where she was at the work surface to eat it greedily
without butter or jam. Henri would bring a fresh loaf with him when he
arrived and the breaking of warm new bread with good Colombian coffee
was a pleasure so complete yet so simple that Hedda - whose life had
always been complicated to the ninth degree -- found it truly
surprising.

She heard the coffee hiss as it came to the boil and turned, moving
first to the fridge to take out some milk and then to the hob to turn
the gas down. She put a pan of milk on to heat, a car came up the drive
and Hedda smiled at such perfect timing. She took the coffee pot off the
hob, resting it on a mat while she found her cafe all hit cups and
placed them on the table. A car door slammed, Hedda slipped her cardigan
off her shoulders and laid it over the back of the chair. As footsteps
came up the stone path, she went to the door in just her slip of cotton,
hair tussled and the smell of sleep still on her skin.

"Bonjour, mon cheri!' she called, unbolting the door. As she swung it
open, the smile on her face froze, she blinked rapidly, three times,
then frowned for an instant trying to remember the face. '!' she said
suddenly. ' God, it's Cara, isn't it? That friend of Thea's!"

"Yes, Cora, not Cara.' Cora stood in yesterday's clothes, crumpled and
white-faced. ''m sorry to call so early, I ...' She hugged her arms
tight across her chest and stared blankly at Hedda. ' thought ...' She
shook her head, disorientated. ' mean, I ...' She broke off and Hedda,
who had seen enough cases of mental disorder in her time to instantly
know the signs, leant forward, took one of Cora's arms and gently pulled
her inside.

"I've made coffee,' she said calmly. ''ve come just in time.' She eased
Cora into one of the kitchen chairs and took a cup off the table. Cora
was shivering and Hedda fetched a rug off the sofa before she did
anything else. She draped it over Cora's shoulders.

"Cora, here. Drink this, you're cold and tired, it'll revive you.' Hedda
handed Cora a large cup of milky coffee with a dash of brandy in it.
''ve put a bit of Cognac in there, Cora, it'll do you good.' After all
the years of alternatives, Hedda had now come to the conclusion that
doing what had been done for generations often worked best. ' sit there
and drink it, take your time, there's no rush."

Hedda turned away and busied herself at the sink while Cora drank. She
told herself not to be shocked, but her hands shook and although she
could never have blamed Cora for the way Thea's life had turned out, the
very sight of her filled Hedda with a fierce and quite unexpected
resentment. She washed and dried a couple of things from last night, not
that she was house proud in any way, but simply so that she didn't have
to look at Cora. Years, she thought, years of trying to mellow, early
retirement, a new life, a completely different life and one glimpse of
that girl and my stomach churns as if it were yesterday.

I should be able to let it go, to face her without recrimination, but I
can't. She turned, finally, to look at Cora, to question her and find
out what the hell she was doing here. She opened her mouth to speak,
acutely aware of the effort it cost her to keep calm, but Cora glanced
up just as she did so and she saw a look of such pain and humiliation on
the young woman's face that it rendered her speechless.

"You look different,' Cora said.

"Do I?' Hedda's jaw clenched. ' lot older, I expect."

"No, not really.' Cora stared at Hedda for a few moments and Hedda felt
the bags and sags of age clearly visible through the thin slip of
cotton. ' shouldn't have come."

She looked down at her hands and picked at a torn and bloody bit of skin
by her fingernail. ' didn't know where else to go. I ...' She bit it and
it started to bleed. ' don't have anywhere else to go."

Later, Cora slept. Hedda didn't want her there but she couldn't turn her
away; it wasn't in Hedda's nature to turn her back on a problem. She
helped Cora undress, shocked at her loss of weight, ran a bath for her
in the plain white, uncomplicated bathroom and lent her an old linen
shirt to sleep in. The sheets were cool and flat and Cora felt her limbs
slipover their cotton sheen. She rolled on to her side and looked at the
white-shuttered balcony window. She could smell honeysuckle outside and
said, ' never thought that you would be like this."

Hedda went to touch Cora's hair, to comfort her, but withdrew her hand.
Somehow she just couldn't manage it. There's an order in keeping a home
that I've found I like. I'm not really domestic, but I muddle through."

She watched as Cora closed her eyes. She had no idea what the girl was
doing in her house or how she had found her way across France to it, but
she wasn't going to ask. In the last hour she had realised something.
She had understood that if she could get over her resentment, then Cora
was a bridge back to Thea and Hedda needed that link.

Henri called in again at lunchtime, having understood that he had been
intruding earlier on in the day. He knocked lightly on the door and
Hedda answered it, moving into his embrace the moment she saw him, in
need of his strength, of physical reassurance. Cora's appearance had
thoroughly upset her.

"You must ask her,' Henri said. ' have to find out what has happened, or
you must call your daughter. Come on, cherie, you must not worry like
this, you must make a decision.' They had been sitting on the sofa,
Hedda on the edge facing Henri. He looked at his watch and shrugged.

"I have to go,' he said. ' must talk to her, Hedda, you must ask her
what you want to know."

Hedda nodded. Everything with Henri was black and white, there were no
grey areas, no muddle or chance to get lost. Decisions were made, things
were done and whether they were right or wrong you simply just got on
with them. Hedda hadn't worked out yet if this way of life was
preferable but it was easier on the mind, for there was no room for
anguish.

Henri stood and Hedda walked him to the door. ' I see you tonight?"

Hedda shook her head. ' it for a day or so. Thursday would be good."

Henri smiled. '.' He shook his head. ' is so restrained, so English,' he
said. He kissed her on the mouth and walked away, climbing into his car
with only a wave. Hedda stood there for as long as it took his car to
disappear down the drive and out on to the lane. He tooted the horn
twice and as she turned to go back inside she saw Cora standing on the
stairs watching her. She started and put her hand up to her chest. How
long Cora had been there she had no idea.

"You speak good French,' Cora said.

Hedda smiled. Thank you.' She and Henri always spoke in French; his
English was almost non-existent. ''you want lunch?' Cora looked as if
she hadn't eaten for days. She shrugged and Hedda said, ''m not much of
a cook, but I've got some local tomatoes and some fresh bread. I could
make a salad - nothing special, but the tomatoes round here are very
good.' She offered a tense smile. ' look as if you could do with
something to eat. It might make you feel ... "

She was about to say better but stopped, conscious of the fact that Cora
had said nothing about the way she felt.

"Feel what? Less bleak?' Cora came down the stairs. The linen shirt hung
on her, her collar bone prominent under the deep V of the neckline. They
must be good tomatoes."

Suddenly Hedda smiled, with ease, and Cora smiled back.

"Come on.' They walked into the small kitchen and Hedda pulled out a
chair for Cora. ',' she said, going across to the sink and taking a
couple of plump and glossy crimson tomatoes off the draining board. She
found a knife and chopping board and began to slice.

This is kind of you,' Cora said as Hedda cut. ' didn't expect it."

"No?' Hedda kept her head down, focused on the chopping.

"What did you expect then?"

"I don't know,' Cora answered. T just thought I had to come and see."

"See what?"

"What you'd say."

Hedda looked up, puzzled, but Cora offered no further explanation and
she was momentarily torn between her own emotions and what she knew as a
counsellor to be the right response. Her professional side won; she left
it at that and changed the subject.

"How did you find me?" Thea told me the name of your village, ages ago.
We were looking at a map of France with Tom and she said, "Granny lives
there," and pointed it out.' Cora spoke quickly, her words tumbling out
unconsidered, much as a child would speak. ' never forgot it, I rarely
forget anything, actually. I got the ferry yesterday afternoon, to
Calais, and drove here through the night. I hadn't a clue where you
lived, but I asked the baker in the village, he was the only one up."

"Good thinking."

Hedda had looked up and Cora froze for a moment. But when she went back
to the chopping, this time herbs, Cora said, ' had to get away, you see.
I needed some space. I had to see things from a distance, they were
getting too big, bigger than me and I--' She stopped and bit her lip.
There was a silence which Hedda made no attempt to fill. She lay the
slices of tomatoes on a plate and dribbled some dark green olive oil
over them, sprinkling them with herbs and a pinch of good salt.

"I felt frightened,' Cora said.

Hedda turned. This time the need to ask more overwhelmed her and she
said, '?"

Cora looked at her. It was the first time she had faced Hedda squarely
since she arrived. ' was raped,' she said.

"By a punter, a man I gave a lift home to and I--' She broke off but
continued to stare at Hedda. Hedda kept her face as impassive as she
could but her mind was reeling, her body stiff with shock. ' can't feel
safe,' Cora said quietly.

"Not any more, not even when I'm asleep."

Hedda came across to the table and sat down next to Cora, taking her
hands. All sense of resentment had gone and she was overwhelmed with
such pity and sadness that her chest ached with the burden of it.

"I wanted to know what you'd think,' Cora said. ''s perverse, I know it
is, but I wanted to hear what you'd say.' She moved her hands out of
Hedda's reach. That it's my own fault probably, that I'm a common tart
and that I deserved everything I got. You were always against me,
against stripping, said it was degrading, humiliating. I got what I
deserved, didn't I? Isn't that right? Isn't that what you're going to
say?"

Hedda sat very still. Principles: this is where they'd got her. Cut
adrift from her daughter and her grandson and thought of as harsh and
judgemental. She stared at the red tomatoes on the yellow plate with the
bright green herbs and saw none of it.

"My dear Cora,' she murmured, ' could I ever say any of that?' She
stayed with her head down for some time and when she finally looked up
at Cora, the skin on her face was wet with tears. ' have suffered a
terrible crime," she said quietly. ' wasn't and never could have been
your fault, never.' She wiped her face with the back of her wrist.

"You don't deserve the pain that you're in, no one deserves pain like
that."

Hedda stood up and went to the drawer for some cutlery.

In all her years as a therapist she had never found a cure that
surpassed kindness and time. ' must eat my tomatoes," she said, taking
out a knife and fork and bringing them over to the table. ' then you
must rest again. It's warm, you can sit out in the garden and read.' She
placed the cutlery in front of Cora. ' know, I was always so proud that
you learnt to read, Cora,' she said, quite truthfully. ' have lots of
books; Thea told me in one of her letters that you are an avid reader
now, you can borrow what you like."

Cora looked down at the tomatoes. She could smell them, sharp and sweet,
and the basil, with its peculiar, slightly aniseed scent, and for the
first time in months her mouth produced saliva. She glanced up at Hedda.
Thank you,' she said.

For the first time in her life Hedda was flooded with something as near
to maternal kindness as she would ever get. She wanted to hold Cora,
surround her and protect her, but she didn't. She shrugged and said, '
can stay as long as you like, Cora. You are safe here with me, I promise
you.' Cora nodded, then began to eat. In all her life, nothing had ever
tasted as good and as sweet as that tomato salad.

Thea stood at the window in Cora's Chichester flat and stared out at the
rain. At last the weather had broken; the heat had given way to sheets
of cold, biting rain that washed over the hard, dry ground and ran away
in rivulets taking the topsoil with it. She shivered, wrapping her arms
around her, and wondered how the hell to turn the heating on in this
high-tech, barely lived-in apartment.

Turning, she walked across to the far wall and flicked on a light
switch. All the up-lighting suddenly came on and the place felt better,
less cold and sterile. God, she wished she knew where Cora was! She
stared around her, at the clean, smooth lines, the lack of clutter, and
wondered if she had missed anything. Once again she crossed to the
bureau where Cora kept her papers and once again she rifled through
everything to see if there was a clue as to where she might have gone.
The only obvious thing was a missing passport, but then Thea wasn't
absolutely sure that Cora kept it in this drawer. She sighed, closed the
drawer and wandered through to the bedroom. She peered into the
wardrobe, saw the few expensive and understated clothes that Cora kept
for each season and realised again that nothing had gone. Nothing that
is, except Cora. Thea dropped down on to the bed and put her head in her
hands. ' are you, Cora?' she murmured. ', let me know where you are."

Hedda poured wine into two glasses and took a sip of her own before
carrying the tray out on to the terrace. It was a warm evening, the
breeze had dropped and the scent of mimosa from the clay pots filled the
air. Cora sat with a book. She wore an old pair of Hedda's shorts tied
in round the waist with cord and a vest top. Her feet were bare and her
long limbs had tanned to a pale gold in the few days she had been there.
As Hedda came out with the wine, Cora immediately stood to help her,
taking the tray and laying it on the faded beechwood table.

"Is this mine?"

Hedda nodded and Cora took her wine. She sipped, then sat back down with
her book. Hedda placed a cushion on her own chair for her back and she
too sat down, but she didn't read, she simply stared out at the
landscape. She had spent far too many years keeping track of current
affairs with heavy weekend papers, medical journals and reports; she had
pondered too long over each Booker Prize list and every well-reviewed
biography to want to be bothered with it all now. Now she was happy to
sit and stare, to talk to Henri about plumbing and heating, stonework
versus brick or even to sketch, badly, her view.

Cora put down her book and looked at Hedda. It was impossible not to see
the change that had taken place, she was hardly recognisable from the
woman that Cora had begrudgingly respected five years ago. And yet she
was still the same and in many respects it was Cora who had changed, it
was Cora who could now see things in Hedda she had never been able to
understand before. She sipped her wine and watched Hedda over the rim of
her glass.

"I make an interesting study, do I?' Hedda said, without turning her
head.

"Yes."

"And what can you see that's so fascinating, Cora?"

Cora put down her glass and stared down at her hands.

She hadn't spoken much over the past two days, she had slept and read,
eaten Hedda's food and drunk her delicious wine and fresh coffee without
any explanation apart from the few sentences that first morning. If she
was honest with herself, she had to admit she hadn't spoken much at all
over the past months, too weary to be bothered with talk, too confused
to make sense of what people said to her. She hadn't seen the point in
talking. What was there to say anyway?

Now, she looked up at Hedda and said, ''m trying to work out if it's you
or me who's changed the most."

Hedda turned to her. ' what conclusions have you drawn?"

"I don't know.' Cora reached for the bottle of wine and refilled Hedda's
glass, then her own. ' don't really know anything any more."

"Shall I help?" Cora said nothing.

"I think that we've both changed, Cora, we've both changed a great deal,
but that at heart we're still the people we were five years ago. Me,
I've learnt that I made mistakes and I've had to realise the
consequences of those mistakes. I exchange letters with my daughter but
nothing more and I know that I failed as a mother. That's been hard, the
hardest thing to own up to actually: that I was wrong, that Thea wasn't
me and I should have accepted that right from the beginning. I've also
learnt that through all those years of therapy, I lost the skill of
listening. I thought I had all the answers and I never stopped to think,
to really consider the problem and the fact that there might not have
been any answers. But the core of me still believes in what I've always
believed. I still have the same principles, I've just rounded them off a
bit, made them fit a bit better.' Hedda paused and reached for her wine.
She took a mouthful and let the liquid roll around her mouth for a few
moments before swallowing it down.

"And you, Cora, do you think you've changed at all?" "Yes ... and no."
Hedda smiled. ' that yes I've got a new hairstyle and lost twenty pounds
and no I'm still the same person or is it that you think you've changed
but you're not sure how or even why?"

The last bit, I think.' Cora drank, then said, ' thought I was doing all
right, I thought that I'd got somewhere, and then, then I found that I
hadn't got anywhere, that I was still the same stupid girl who asked for
it and who got it.' Cora cracked her first against the palm of her hand.

"Smack! Take that, you silly bitch!"

Hedda kept quiet. She focused her eyes on the distance and willed Cora
to go on. Cora drank down more wine.

"All the things I'd done,' she said angrily, ' the money I'd got, my own
flat, interior designed no less, the clothes, my own car, nothing flash
but still my own and yet I hadn't got anywhere, I ended up just as used
and abused as I'd always been.' Again she cracked her fist against her
palm. '!

Take that you silly stupid bitch!"

Hedda looked at her. ' you learnt to read, Cora. You have something that
no one can destroy, a pleasure that no one can take away. Surely that
has changed you?"

Cora shrugged, but she didn't deny Hedda's question.

"You think you're still the same because you suffered something -
through no fault of your own in my and everyone else's opinion -
something that you've suffered before and that this thing, this inviting
of violence, is a part of you, a part of your inmost being. Am I right?"

"Are you charging me for this?' Cora asked.

Hedda had the grace to smile. ', this is not therapy, this is basic
common sense. I think you are still the core person that you were
because you will get over this, because you have the strength to move
on, as you had the strength - and the guts - to achieve all that you
have, the flat, interior designed as you so proudly point out, the car,
the fact that you have learnt to read and have the nerve to drive
hundreds and hundreds of miles to the south of bloody France and turn up
at my house!' Hedda drained her glass. ' years ago you were a feisty,
determined girl, you haven't lost that, that's still there.' She leant
forward and placed her hand on Cora's chest, just above her heart. ''s
still in there, Cora, that's the essence of you. Think about it, but
believe me, that's the bit that won't change."

Cora put her hand where Hedda's had been and stared off into the
distance. Time, Hedda reminded herself, it will take time. So she stood,
leaving Cora alone with her thoughts, and went inside to prepare supper.

Chapter Twenty-One.

Thea had just made tea when the front door sounded. She brought the pot
to the table and, abandoning it, dashed out into the hall. ' might be
Cora,' she called over her shoulder. ' at least news of her ... "

Phil stood up and moved to the doorway. Tom was already at the door,
opening it, with Thea right behind him. Phil saw her face tense for a
moment, then relax, falling with disappointment. Moving out into the
hall, he saw DS Lawrence, who was standing with Thea, then he returned
to the kitchen to sit down.

"Oh, hello,' Thea said. Lawrence looked different, less scruffy, and she
found herself staring at him to see why.

"You've had your hair cut,' she said suddenly.

"Yes, I was hoping to keep it quiet but she took so much off it seems to
have become a national event." Thea smiled. ''ve just made tea. Would
you like a cup?"

Embarrassed, DS Lawrence said, ' seem to make a habit of this, turning
up at tea-time. Sorry."

"Not at all.' Thea liked him, she decided. ' on in, there's cake.
Again!' She glanced behind her. ' seem to be forever making cakes, it's
a radical reaction to my mother who never even opened a packet of Mr.
Kipling's, let alone baked."

Lawrence laughed. ''t make excuses, it's very nice.

Nice and homely!"

"Homely?' Thea shook her head smiling. Thanks!"

"OK, not homely then, sort of ...' He searched for the right word.

Thea said, '?" They both smiled and walked on into the kitchen.

Phil stood up. ' Sergeant Lawrence, this is Phil Habben,' Thea said.

"We've met,' Phil commented and sat down again. He felt uncomfortable
with the policeman, in many ways blamed him for what happened with Cora.

"Oh yes, of course. On Monday, when Cora--' Thea broke off and stared
down at the floor. It was now Friday and there had been no word and no
sight of Cora. ' haven't heard anything, have you?' she asked.

Lawrence shook his head. ' concrete." He hovered by the door and Thea
said, ', sit down, I'll get another cup.' She reached up into the
cupboard and brought a third mug over to the table. ' this is so awful!"
she said. This whole thing just seems to get worse and worse.' Phil
reached out and patted her hand. ''ve got no idea where Cora might have
gone, except that it's very probably abroad, and I'm worried sick about
it. She was hardly sane when she disappeared, I can't help thinking--"

She broke off as Tom came into the kitchen.

"Any cake?' he said.

Thea took a deep breath and smiled at him. She picked up the knife and
positioned it over the cake. ' first.

DS Lawrence, cake?"

"Please."

"You too, Phil?"

"No thanks, Thea."

Thea cut Lawrence a slice and, as she passed him the plate, he noticed
how slim her wrists were, how they were covered in very fine, pale hair
and thought it unusual for a brunette. Thanks."

Tom?" Thea went to cut a generous slice but Tom said, ', a bit more
please.' She glanced sidelong at him and cut where she'd originally
intended.

"Don't push your luck, monster!' she said quietly. Tom grinned, picked
up his plate and took it away back to his bedroom. ''t make a mess,'
Thea called after him.

"He's got some kind of massacre going on up there,' she said. ' Man is
battling it out with Batman and the Teletubbies seem to be the first
casualties. I found one hanging from the banister strangled with my
leather belt." Phil smiled. ''s got one hell of an imagination, Thea."

"No, I think it's all kids. But males, in my opinion, seem to have a
stronger leaning towards death and destruction from an early age.' She
shrugged. ' mother was a firm believer in crossing the gender barrier
but I'm afraid that the doll I bought him just gets garotted every time
she comes out of the toy box. He had it impaled on a bamboo cane in the
garden last week.' She turned to Lawrence who was grinning. ' you have
children, Mr. Lawrence?"

"It's Dave, please, and no, no I don't. I'm not attached in any way.
I've heard it helps.' Thea grinned back at him and Phil felt the
smallest undercurrent of attraction between them. He was susceptible to
these things and picked them up way before anyone else did.

"You're not gay by any chance are you, Dave?' Phil asked.

He still didn't like him, nothing personal, more that he was just
someone to blame.

"No, but I'd have thought you'd have known that instantly, Phil.'
Lawrence smiled good-naturedly and Phil Was forced to acknowledge a
truce. Thea passed round the tea and for a few moments conversation was
suspended.

Putting his mug down Lawrence said, ' Cora hasn't made contact then?"

Thea shook her head. ''m pretty sure that she's gone abroad. Her
passport is missing, I think, but I'm not absolutely certain. It wasn't
where she usually keeps it but I didn't want to go around searching her
flat. It made me uncomfortable being there without her."

"Any idea where she might have gone? Europe, the US?"

"No. Europe, almost certainly. Her car is missing. She probably got a
ferry across to France, or there again she might have driven to an
airport ...' Thea dropped her head in her hands. ', I really don't know!
I've been round and round in circles like this since she disappeared.

I just don't know." "Well,' Lawrence said, ''m afraid that one thing is
for certain and that's that we need her back if we're going to have a
case."

Thea looked up.

The longer she's gone, the less likely it is we can hold this whole
thing together. We got through the committal

proceeding on Tuesday purely because we are insistent that it goes to
Crown Court, but the GPS still aren't convinced!

We need Cora here and standing her ground. We're up against a very tough
defence." "I know.' Thea instantly thought of Daniel and her stomach
lurched. She took a sip of tea, gripping the cup tightly in both hands
and thought: Why the hell do I feel like this? Why did her stomach lurch
every time she thought about him? Good Lord, it was hardly serious, just
a brief passionate fling.

"You all right?' Phil asked.

"Yes, yes, fine thanks.' He knew nothing about Daniel, nor did anyone
else. ' if we can't find Cora, where does that leave us?"

Lawrence shrugged. ' be honest with you, Thea, at the moment, I wouldn't
like to say."

Later, when Lawrence had gone and Tom was in bed, Phil and Thea sat in
the kitchen with a bottle of wine and made yet another attempt to try
and guess where Cora might be.

Only the more they did it, throwing ideas at each other, the more
confused and distressed Thea became. ' can't do this any longer!' she
suddenly said, getting up and walking away from the table. ' can't
pretend that she's safe and happy somewhere in Europe when in all
honesty I'm worried sick that she's lying in a gutter somewhere dead or
only half alive! God, Phil, I just can't bear this not knowing!"

Phil rubbed his hands wearily over his face. T don't think anything has
happened to her, Thea, I really don't, and nor should you! You've got to
believe that she's all right, at least until we know! You've got to!"

32 J

"But how can I? You saw the state she was in, I lived with it for weeks,
she was nearly insane, that rape all but destroyed her and--' Suddenly
Thea broke off. She swallowed hard and bit the side of her fingernail.

"And what, Thea?"

She looked down at the ground. ' I can't help thinking that if only I'd
gone with her that night, if only I'd been there instead of Debbie
Pritchard, then none of this would have happened, none of it! Cora would
be here now, laughing, joking, being--' She broke off again and
swallowed down her tears. ' the person we both loved so much." "Oh,
Thea,' Phil said, standing and crossing to her, ' isn't your fault, you
have nothing to do with this, I promise you.

It was just an arbitrary act of violence that happened, that nothing
could have stopped and--"

"But it could have been stopped! If I'd been there then Cora would never
have stayed, she'd have come straight home with me! You know that as
well as I do! We often travel together in the same car, especially on a
Saturday. If I hadn't been so bloody selfish and gone to a stupid party
instead of working with her then none of this would have happened.' She
looked at him. ' wouldn't, would it? None of it would have happened!"
"No,' he said. ' wouldn't.' He put his hands on her arms and turned her
to face him. ', Thea, if I hadn't had something to go to then I'd have
been there too! If Debbie hadn't got drunk then Cora wouldn't have
stayed or had to take her home; if Lenny had kept more of a careful eye
on proceedings then he might have got Debbie a taxi ... Jesus! It goes
on for ever, this hindsight thing! If, if, if. There are no ifs, Thea,
it happened and we have to deal with that as best we can. As does Cora.'
He looked at her but she didn't face him. Thea? You do understand that,
don't you? You are not to blame, nor am I, nor is Debbie.

No one can take the guilt for this except that bastard who did it to
Cora.' Phil gently shook her. '?"

All this time Thea stared down at the floor, not looking at him, not, he
thought, even hearing him, but when he released her, she lifted her
head. ', I understand,' she said. ' it doesn't make me feel any better."
"No, nor me.' Phil sighed and turned away. The only thing that will, I
suspect, is to see Wakes get the justice he deserves." "Yes,' Thea said.
And because he had turned away and because he was thinking about Cora,
Phil didn't pick up the edge of hatred in her voice or see the way her
eyes burned with an anger she had never known before.

It was Friday night and Daniel Ellis had stayed late in Chambers,
working on a new case and catching the nine o'clock train back to
Sussex. He was tired, could have done with a good lie-in and a day with
the cricket on TV, but he and Pet planned to take the boys to the beach
tomorrow, if the weather was dry, and let them paddle about with the
inflatable dinghy. He had hired a beach hut for the summer at West
Wittering and had stocked it with a new barbecue, games, a wind break,
deckchairs, umbrellas, everything he could think of to make life on the
beach ultimately comfortable. He'd been looking forward to it for months
too; he had planned to take Thea there, had imagined family days by the
sea, Tom with his two boys, all playing some sort of war game or trying
to drown each other in the dinghy.

"Bugger!' he said aloud and the lady next to him rustled her Evening
Standard and tutted loudly. Why the hell had Thea lied to him? And why
the hell did it seem to matter so bloody much? Good Lord, it was only a
brief affair, no one except Matt even knew about it! It wasn't as if --
Daniel stopped his thoughts right there and bent to take some work out
of his briefcase. He elbowed the lady with the Evening Standard by
mistake as he did so and she lowered her paper to glare at him. ',' he
mumbled.

He put the work on his lap and took a pen out of his jacket pocket, but
the moment he glanced down at it his mind wandered off in the wrong
direction and he found himself wishing that he didn't have to spend the
weekend on his own and wondering why the hell that bothered him so much
now.

"Bugger!' he said aloud again, but this time he didn't bother to look
apologetic to the lady on his left; after all, it was exactly how he
felt.

Cora was washing the things through Hedda had lent her at the sink when
Hedda came into the kitchen. Cora had been into the nearest small town
that morning and bought herself a few items of clothing: some underwear,
several T-shirts, a pair of shorts, a swimsuit and a summer dress. The
dress was a remarkable find for a provincial French town: short, fine
cotton with a small white dot on a navy background.

It suited Cora and it was the first time in months she had been able to
look at herself in the mirror and say: ', that looks good." "You don't
have to do that,' Hedda said. ' could have put it all in the machine
with my stuff."

Cora turned. ' wanted to wash them by hand, this linen shirt says hand
wash and, well, it's nicer, isn't it, to have things hand washed?" Hedda
smiled. ' suppose so. Thanks.' She stood and watched Cora for a few
minutes, then she said, ' you've decided to stay for a while then?"

Cora glanced up. ' don't mind, do you?"

Hedda touched her gently on the shoulder. ' course not, I'm glad to have
you.' She took the wet shirt off the draining board and walked towards
the back door to hang it out to dry in the garden. ''t you ring to let
Thea know where you are, though? I have a feeling that she'll be worried
about you.' And without waiting for a reply, Hedda walked out.

Cora wrung out the last piece of washing, enjoying the physical effort
of it, and followed Hedda into the garden. There was a rope washing line
strung between two trees and Hedda had already pegged the shirt up.

Cora bent and took a handful of pegs, stuffing them into her pocket, and
hung out the remaining clothes.

"I've decided to drop proceedings,' she said when she had finished.
That's if it's not been dropped by the GPS already." Hedda said nothing.

"I just don't think I can cope with it, I can't bear to keep trying to
forget it, trying to put it out of my mind, only to have it all dragged
back up in court. Besides, there's no guarantee that he'll be convicted,
not with a hot shot barrister on his side and, well, it all seems a bit
pointless really.' She stared down at the ground. ' do understand that,
don't you?"

Hedda shrugged.

Cora looked up when Hedda didn't answer. ''you think I'm wrong?"

Hedda did in fact think Cora was very wrong, but that was personal, that
was tied up with Hedda's own views of justice and retribution. "I think
that only you can decide what to do,' she said. Time, she reminded
herself yet again, but she had always been an impatient woman.

"But you think I'm wrong to let it go, is that right?"

"It doesn't matter what I think,' Hedda said.

"Yes it does!' Cora looked at Hedda. ' matters a great deal what you
think. Please, tell me what to do!"

Hedda moved forward and gave Cora a hug. Why did Cora evoke all those
maternal feelings that she had never felt with Thea? Was it lack of
expectation that made Cora easier to love? Had she always wanted too
much of Thea?

Pulling back, she said, ' love, I can't tell you what to do, you must
decide on your own, but I can tell you that no one should get away with
what they did to you, expert defence or not. Why don't you ring Thea and
tell her where you are and how you're feeling? She might be able to
help. Shell certainly know what happened at the committal hearing."

Cora shrugged.

"Talk to Thea, discuss it with her for one last time and then put it
from your mind."

"Is that what you think I should do?" Hedda sighed; she couldn't tell
Cora what to do. ' you really want to know what I think,' she said, ',
in my opinion, it wouldn't be wise for you to make any decisions right
now, one way or the other. You're too close to it to think straight.
Settle things for the moment: talk to Thea, find out what has happened
and then you can rest, put it aside until you feel ready to cope with
it. If you still feel the same way in a few weeks' time then fine, but
don't rush yourself, Cora love, don't decide now."

Cora dug her hands in the pockets of her shorts. "Where's the nearest
phone?' she asked and Hedda smiled.

"Usually in the post office but at this time of day we can ask Michel in
the cafe, he usually lets me ring if I need to."

"I'll walk, I think,' Cora said.

"Yes, do that.' Hedda linked her arm through Cora's and they wandered
back to the house. ' tell you what,' she said, opening the back door.
Til come with you if you like and we can have a drink there. It is
Saturday night, after all!" Yes, I'd like that,' Cora said. ' you don't
mind." Cora was always so unsure and Hedda said, ' course I don't mind,
I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." "No,' Cora murmured but
she turned and looked at Hedda before easing her arm free. ' not.' And
Hedda saw then that for Cora, trust was something that just didn't
exist.

Thea sat on the sofa with Tom eating tortilla chips and watching
Superman. It was their Saturday night in front of the telly with supper
on their laps: sausages, baked beans and mash, followed by Arctic Roll,
a suspicious concoction of sickly sponge filled with vanilla ice-cream
that Tom loved and Thea could probably-have lived without. Often Cora
used to come over and stay, bringing a sloppy girls' video to watch
after Tom had gone to bed and a bottle of wine.

Tonight Thea drank Coke and had already made up her mind to go to bed at
nine as soon as she had tucked Tom up. Tonight Thea felt lonely.

It was a new experience for her, something she'd not ever really
considered before: the prospect of being alone.

She'd always had Tom, who left her no time to worry about men or
relationships, no time really to dwell on the lack of sex. Then there
had been Cora, for all the friendship bits and companionship and talking
things through; and Jake, down often, sometimes with Marian, always
managing to fix things and do all the male stuff that Tom needed. Thea
sighed, shuffled about on the sofa and tucked her legs up into the lotus
position. She knocked Tom who was holding the bowl of tortillas and he
said, '! Mind out!" "Whoopsy,' she murmured. '.' She stared at the
television. Maybe it was the sex that she really missed, maybe it was
that that made her feel so lonely. It was pretty good, she had to admit;
it was definitely worth waiting five bloody years for!

"What're you smiling at, Mum?" Thea flushed and said, ', erm, nothing,
Tom sweetheart, just happy, that's all." Tom smiled back and immediately
refocused on the TV.

Thea stood to go and put the sausages under the grill.

"Supper will be about ten minutes,' she said.

Tom made no answer; he didn't even move his eyes.

Tom,' Thea said, more insistently, but again he ignored her. ',' she
said, moving across the room to stand directly in front of the
television screen, ' be in about ten minutes and when I call I'd like
you to come and get the trays ready. All right?"

Tom nodded.

"Yes, Mum,' Thea said.

"Yes, Mum,' Tom answered and grinned.

Thea moved aside and made her way through to the kitchen. Maybe it was
simply missing Cora, she thought, the aching loneliness striking her
again as she went to the fridge, maybe it was just the reaction to her
disappearance.

But as she lay out four sausages on the grill, they looked so pitiful,
two for Tom and two for her, that she put the whole string on, eight
sausages in all, and felt decidedly better. Life with Tom was wonderful,
always had been, she'd never regretted for one moment doing what she'd
done and having him so young, but what about now? Was life with Tom
enough now?

"Oh bugger you, Daniel!' she said aloud. If it hadn't been for him she
would never have questioned any of this, never have felt as she did. If
it hadn't been for him ... Thea took a deep breath and stopped. If, she
thought, if, if, if.

It had happened. What had Phil said? ' happened and we have to deal with
that as best we can.' She was just wondering how the hell she was going
to do that when the telephone rang.

Cora stood in the back of Michel's cafe and heard the line to Thea
connect and then ring. She held her breath. She desperately wanted to
speak to Thea but she didn't want to be challenged in any way, she
didn't want even to have to talk about what had happened. I want it all
to go away, she thought, I want to escape it, but the line was answered
and Cora heard Thea's voice.

"Hello?"

Cora's voice failed her. Why had it been her and not Thea? Why had Thea
still got everything?

"Hello? Who's there? Hello?"

Thea, it's me."

In her small cottage in Sussex, all those miles away, Thea slumped back
against the wall as relief swamped her. '?

Cora, where on earth are you? Are you OK?"

Cora heard the relief, the pain and the fright in Thea's voice and for a
moment she recognised that she was glad.

Was that why she'd run away, to make Thea suffer as well?

Did she blame Thea in some way? She bit her lip and was silent, then,
plucking up courage, she said, Tm fine, Thea.

I'm in France, with your mother."

"With my mother?' Thea was stunned. ' did you get there? How did you
know where she lived?' She shook her head, trying to take it in. ' my
mother?' Thea hadn't seen Hedda since the night she had left 59, Park
Road, Islington. They had spoken once or twice, exchanged the odd
letter, but that was the extent of their relationship.

Why Cora would choose to go to her mother Thea had no idea. Ts she, I
mean, are you all right there?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Hedda's been very kind, I've been here since Tuesday
morning."

"All week?' Thea felt the sap of anger rise. ' didn't you call me
before? Why haven't you rung?"

"I couldn't face it, I--' Cora broke off and bit her fingernail.

Looking into the bar she could see Hedda sitting with a glass of wine,
smoking and chatting to Michel.

Tm sorry, Thea,' she said quietly, Tm not thinking right at the moment,
I seem to have had some sort of breakdown I think."

"Oh God ...' Thea's anger fell, then rose again, like the swell of the
sea. ''s a good job you're with Hedda then," she said coolly.

Cora winced and immediately the tears started. She stayed silent and
Thea, who read through the silence, was immediately full of remorse. ''m
sorry, that was a stupid thing to say, it's just that I've been so
worried about you and, well, I just wish that you'd rung me and that I'd
known you were with Hedda.' Why Hedda, she kept thinking, why did she go
to Hedda? Why not me? But she forced these questions down and said, '
Hedda well?"

"Yes. And she's been marvelous, she's really looked after me, helped

"Yes, I'm sure she has.' It was there, in her voice, she couldn't help
it, just the smallest edge of spite, the faintest trace of -- was it
envy? ' are you coming home?

We need you here for the case to proceed. DS Lawrence has been worried
as well, he called round the other day and--"

Thea?"

"Yes?"

Thea, I can't come home yet. I don't know how I feel about things,
about, well, everything that happened and well, I, I just don't know if
...' Cora hesitated and Thea held her breath. She knew what was coming
and she could see Hedda's hand in it. Hedda who didn't believe in the -
what did she call it? Archaic and elitist, yes that was it - archaic and
elitist British justice system; Hedda who believed in personal healing
and private triumph winning over the system.

"I don't know if I want to go ahead with the case, Thea," Cora said. Tm
thinking of dropping proceedings."

"Dropping proceedings? Cora, you can't do that, you really can't!' Thea
was close to tears. ' you drop the case then it means he's got away with
it, it means he--"

"It means that I don't have to be publicly humiliated in court!' Cora
cried. That I don't have to have my personal life paraded in front of
twelve men and women, that I don't have to see him again or go through
all that pain and then have it thrown back in my face when he walks free
... " Cora made a huge effort to calm herself, taking several deep
breaths and clenching her hands tightly by her side. ', Thea,' she said
moments later, ' just don't think I can do it, I just don't think I
can!"

Thea lay her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. Cora;
strong, determined and fearless Cora. This is what she had become, this
is what that bastard had done to her! The tears slid out from beneath
Thea's closed eyes and ran down her face. There was a silence, the line
clicked every twenty seconds as the units stacked up and finally Thea
said, ' must do what you want, Cora."

And Cora, who had literally had the fight beaten out of her, murmured,
'.' Moments later she hung up.

Thea sank down the wall to the floor and put her head in her hands. One
act, one awful, mindless act of violence, five minutes, ten at the most
and a life was shattered. It was nothing new, Cora wasn't unusual, these
things happened every day somewhere to someone and very probably had the
same effect. What was Cora's breakdown in the mire of misery that
swamped the world? Not much. What was one person's pain amidst the
universal suffering of whole nations? Nothing. Thea wanted to cry, to
weep and sob and wail at the injustice of it all but no more tears would
come.

So she stayed with her hands over her face for some time until she heard
Tom, who said, '? What's that funny smell?' and, looking up, she
suddenly realised that there was smoke coming from the kitchen. Just as
she did so, the smoke alarm went off.

"Bugger!' she cried, jumping up and running into the kitchen Tom! Go out
and stay out!' The grill pan was on fire and the kitchen was filled with
thick smoke. Grabbing an oven cloth, she pulled the pan from the grill
and smothered it, hitting the flames down with one hand and covering her
mouth with the other. Then she ran to the French doors and flung them
open, gasping in lungfuls of clean air. Out in the garden she stood for
several minutes, coughing and trying to calm down. Then she turned as
Tom came out and gave him a hard, long hug.

"You all right, Mum?" She nodded. '' sausages,' she said. ' the rest of
the house OK?"

"Yes, it's only the kitchen that got the smoke."

"Good.' Thea released him and headed inside. She uncovered the grill
pan, stared down at eight blackened, charred sausages and at that moment
she decided. She decided that Cora's pain wasn't something that had to
be lumped in with everybody else's and it wasn't something she could
forget or ignore. She decided that Jason Wakes was not going to get away
with it and finally she decided that somewhere, somehow there had to be
something that would catch him out. There had to be a case to answer and
she was going to make it. She'd skewer that bastard, no matter how long
it took.

Tom,' Thea called, taking the grill pan to the bin and tipping the
sausages in. ''s go out and have a pizza, shall we?' Tom's face lit up.
What Phil had said yesterday, Thea realised, was right. The past was
done, there was no going back but there was a way forward, a different
way for everyone and Thea had just found hers. For the first time in
weeks, Daniel Ellis had gone from her mind.

"Pizza Express?' Tom asked, kneeling to pull on his trainers.

"Yup,' Thea said, ' Express."

"What about the sausages?"

Thea shrugged. There's nothing we can do about them," she said, ' we may
as well forget them.' There was the difference: acceptance of what she
couldn't change - Daniel; and the changing of what she couldn't accept -
Cora. She smiled. ' on, Tom,' she said, holding out her hand, 'let's
go.' Locking up quickly, they got into the car and drove off in search
of supper.

Chapter Twenty-Two.

It was school sports day and Thea pulled on a pair of pale cream linen
shorts and a sleeveless white linen shirt. She fastened a brown suede
belt around her waist and slipped on loafers to match. Glancing in the
mirror, she pulled a comb through her hair, slid a pale lipstick over
her lips and checked she had got both earrings in. She had.

"Right,' she said, turning and heading down the stairs.

"Sports day here I come.' She picked up her bag and her car keys,
glanced one last time in the hall mirror and, finally confident that she
looked OK, said, ' Ellis, eat your heart out,' to her reflection and
opened the front door. Just as she did so, the phone rang. '!' she
muttered, waiting for the answerphone to click on. It didn't; she'd
forgotten to switch it on.

Turning back, she grabbed the phone off the hall table and answered it.
'? Hello?' she said, rather more aggressively than she'd meant. She
stopped. ', yes, yes I did!

Look, can you hang on a minute, I just want to take this on another
phone. Thanks.' Flinging the receiver back, Thea glanced quickly at her
watch and saw that she had ten minutes to spare. She dashed back up the
stairs, into her bedroom and across to the dressing table drawer, from
which she pulled out a blue folder and a pen. Picking the bedside phone
up, she said, ' about that. Yes, I did call in at the Duck and Ferret,
I'm glad someone passed the message on.' She flicked through the file,
holding the phone in the crook of her shoulder, until she came to a
sheet headed Ewert. She pulled it out, reached for a magazine to lean on
and continued to listen. ' yes, right, yes, I see. No, nothing connected
to the police at all, it's for his exgirlfriend actually, Cora Whitby?
Oh you did, did you? What, last year? Yes, she is attractive, yes."

Thea frantically scribbled while the voice on the other end of the phone
talked. ', that's the problem, he didn't say a thing and we wanted to
get hold of him but couldn't.

Yes, yes, of course, no, I wouldn't reveal where I found out, of course
not--' She broke off. ', I see.' There was a pause while she thought it
through. ' then, if you give me the address in full then I'm sure I can
arrange a small transfer of cash, say thirty quid?' She stopped again.
', sorry, thirty is my only offer and it's not bad for five minutes on
the phone!' Bloody cheek, he wasn't getting anything until she'd checked
this out.

"Yes I can, tomorrow morning. Good, glad to hear it!' She wrote down:
Cosh, 35 pounds and the name of the pub. ', fire away.' Then the address
and phone number that the so-called friend of Ewert's gave her. ', got
it, thanks.

Yes, yes I will, it'll be there in the morning at opening time.' She
underlined the amount and wrote: Ring Phil next to it. ' you're
absolutely sure that he's there, are you?' The voice on the other end
insisted that he was "OK, thanks, thanks a lot. I'll check this out and
get the money right to you.' And without waiting for any reply, Thea
hung up.

Standing, she put the paper back into the file and returned the file to
the drawer. She didn't have time to look at it now but she'd ring the
number later on, once she'd spoken to Phil. Closing the drawer, Thea
congratulated herself. One morning in London, going round the old haunts
that Ewert used to frequent and she'd got this, two days later: her
first lead.

She glanced at her watch and hurried down the stairs, clicked the
answerphone on, grabbed her bag and ran straight out of the door. So far
so good, she thought, climbing into the car, perhaps I've got another
career as a detective.

Tom's prep school was set in acres of prime Sussex land that ran down to
the River Arun and had the South Downs as its backdrop. As Thea turned
into the drive and parked behind the long line of cars stretching most
of the way up it, she thought, as she so often did, that it beat the
local primary in Finsbury Park hands down. She pulled on the handbrake,
climbed out and reached for her bag. School sports day for the little
guys was a low-key affair, rugs on the cricket field, lots of cheering
and tea afterwards in the walled garden. When the sun was out and the
breeze blew across the pitch it was idyllic, typically English, sharp
voices carried across the wind, the sound of boys shouting and a prize
for everyone, in that fairer-than-fair public-school tradition.

Thea took her rug out of the boot. Of course it wasn't plaid, it was
fuschia pink and had an orange check on it.

She rolled it up under her arm, waved at one of the other mothers from
Tom's class who called, ' see you've got that groovy rug again, Thea!'
and joined her to wander up to the field for the afternoon's events.

The sports over, tea was served in the walled garden and Thea stood with
her cup and saucer in one hand, a small home-made cake in the other,
making polite and very English conversation with the headmaster and one
of the other mothers.

"So lucky this year, considering that we've had rain for most of last
week and this!' the headmaster said.

"Absolutely,' Thea agreed. ' poor garden's flattened."

"Are you a keen gardener, Mrs. Marshall?"

"Very.' Thea had never confirmed her title one way or the other and just
let the school assume what they liked. It wasn't that she particularly
wanted to lie, or that she was ashamed of her single status, it was more
a question of ease, for Tom's sake, as well as her own. ' have a
reasonable-sized vegetable patch, some fruit and of course the
obligatory herbaceous border!" The headmaster smiled. ' glad to hear it!
And does Tom help in the garden?"

It was one of the things that Thea loved about the school, the fact that
the headmaster knew all the boys' names. Her own left-wing militant
headmaster at school had been able to name every member of the Labour
shadow cabinet but he hardly knew the names of his own staff, let alone
the pupils. ''s very good at digging,' Thea said, ' digging up the
plants!"

The headmaster laughed. ' me, I'm afraid, can't tell a Nermm from a
nettle!' he said. He looked over Thea's shoulder. ', Daniel!' he said. '
you know Mrs. Marshall?

She's a keen gardener.' Thea blushed, she couldn't help it.

Daniel Ellis stepped into the circle and said, ' I do, hello, Thea. How
is the garden?"

"Fine thanks,' she murmured. He turned to the other mother and kissed
her. ', Audrey. Thanks for tea the other day, Charlie had a great time."

"My pleasure, Daniel, he must come again."

"No, it's our turn next. I'll get Petula to give you a ring, I'm no good
at organising the social diary."

"OK."

"Can I get anyone more tea?' the headmaster asked.

Thea shook her head but Daniel said, ' please, I'd love a cup."

"Good, I'll send one of the boys over with it. Audrey?"

"No, not for me, thanks, but I might wander over and find myself another
slice of that delicious cake. Thea, more cake?"

"No, no thanks, I ought to be going soon."

"Daniel?"

"No thanks, Audrey."

"Right, well, if you'll excuse us?' The headmaster and Audrey made their
exit together and Thea watched them go. Turning back to Daniel, she saw
that he was staring at her and she blushed again. Daniel felt the knot
he'd had in his stomach all afternoon twist a little tighter.

"Are you all right, Thea?' he asked quietly.

"Yes, fine,' she answered coolly.

"Good. And Tom?"

Tine.' Thea glanced away, then, moments later, back at him. ' didn't
tell anyone, did you? 1 mean about me, what 1 do."

"No.' Daniel was cross that she could even consider that he might. '
should I?' he asked irritably. ' shouldn't think that anyone gives a
toss about what you do for a living."

"Except you."

He stared down at the ground. God, this was hopeless.

Here he was, having spent all afternoon with one eye on the boys and one
eye on Thea, who she was talking to, what she was doing, how she looked,
whether she looked in his direction at all, and now all he could do was
incite her anger. She wasn't going to give an inch, that much was
certain. He finished his tea and made one last attempt.

"Have you heard from Cora?"

Thea nodded. He watched her face: for a moment it changed and he
couldn't read her expression at all. ''s in France,' Thea said, ' my
mother."

"Your mother?' Daniel knew only the bare essentials about Thea's
background, but he did know that relations with her mother were Arctic.
', right. Is she OK?"

"She's as well as you'd expect I should think, in the circumstances.'
Thea's voice was icy. ' mean, she's had some sort of breakdown and she's
convinced that she wants to drop all proceedings against Jason Wakes so
... "

Thea shrugged.

"I'm sorry,' Daniel said. ' must be awful for her."

Thea softened slightly. ' it is.' She stared straight at Daniel and
said, ' is guilty, you know. Cora was raped."

Daniel held her gaze. He knew what he was about to say was unethical but
for that moment he didn't care. ' know,' he answered, ' don't doubt that
she was." Then you can help me!' Thea suddenly said, her eyes blazing.
', if you think he was guilty then there must be a case! I've got find
out more about it, Daniel, I've got to find out what's behind Wakes, I
don't believe all this character witness stuff, not knowing Cora as I
do!

There's no way she would have encouraged him, she was totally paranoid
about that sort of thing, had been ever since we started, she had strict
rules and to my certain knowledge she never broke them, not once. There
has to be more to him than meets the eye, than the police have found
out, he has to have some sort of previous, I just can't believe it
otherwise! I--' Thea broke off as one of the older boys in the school
brought Daniel's tea. Her face was flushed and her eyes had a wild glint
m them.

Daniel thanked the boy and took a sip, looking away from Thea, painfully
aware that the way that she looked now was the same as when he made love
to her. He swallowed the liquid down, despite the fact that it burned
his throat, and used the silence to rein in his feelings.

"Daniel, you could help me,' Thea said, ' you wanted to. If you believe
that he's guilty then you could put things right. You really could!"

Daniel bent and put his cup down on the lawn by his feet.

He didn't care who saw him, he'd gone beyond that now.

He took Thea's hands in his own and said, Thea, I cannot help you. I
have been professionally embarrassed by this whole thing and if I became
involved now I would seriously compromise myself and my career! I have
principles, you know, and I have to abide by them."

"Principles!' Thea pulled her hands away. Tm sorry but I don't think
much of principles, not when they get in the way of doing what's right!"

"But 1 am doing what's right!' Daniel was upset now. Why did Thea always
have this effect on him? ' can't risk my career for this! You must
understand that! Whatever I may know about this case I am simply not at
liberty to say!"

Thea bit her lip. She too was upset and they stood there, locked in a
painful silence, oblivious to the gentle chit chat that went on around
them.

Thea, please,' Daniel said at last. ''t we meet up and at least talk
things through?" Thea said; ' best friend has been destroyed by this and
you cannot bring yourself to help me or her. What more is there to talk
about, Daniel, that you are at liberty to say?' She glanced at him one
last time, then turned and, without waiting for his answer, walked away.

Tom sat at the kitchen table with his card rosette and counted his
stickers. He'd got a sticker for every race, some of them winning
stickers, some of them second or third place and some simply saying: I
did my best or Well tried. ',' he called out to Thea. ' stickers!"
"Brilliant,' she murmured, her head bent over the pudding she was
making. She glanced up at him and smiled, forcing herself to put the
incident with Daniel behind her. I will not let it ruin today, she told
herself repeatedly, but she couldn't help the sinking feeling that
swamped her every time she thought about it. ''re a star, Tom Marshall,
well done!"

"Can I see now?' Tom asked.

Thea shook her head. ''s a surprise and you can see it after supper."

"Oh please!' Tom whined. ' let me see it!' But the phone ringing
diverted him and, as he leapt up to answer it, Thea put the pudding in
the fridge out of sight.

"It's Dave Lawrence,' Tom said, standing in the doorway.

"Oh, right, can you tell him I'm just coming?"

"Yup."

Thea rinsed her hands and dried them on a tea-towel.

She went to the phone. ', Dave, sorry to keep you.

How are you?"

DS Dave Lawrence sat in his car half a mile away from Thea's house and
said, ''m fine thanks, Thea. Actually, I'm in the area, I had a call to
make locally and I wondered if I might drop in?"

"Yes, of course! Was it anything in particular?"

Lawrence took a breath. ', no, actually, I just wanted to pop in and see
you."

"Oh, oh I see.' Thea was surprised, then quite unexpectedly pleased. ',
that'd be great!' She glanced behind her into the kitchen at the large
dish of lasagne she had sitting on the side - half of which she'd
planned to freeze - and her mind did a double somersault. Lawrence could
be useful; this was an opportunity not to be wasted. ' don't you come
for supper?' she asked. ''re having a bit of a celebration meal, it was
sports day today and Tom did pretty well."

"Oh no, no, I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You won't. Come on, Tom would like the company, I'm sure he gets sick
of just me all the time." Lawrence smiled. ' very much doubt that ...'
He paused.

"But, if you're sure you don't mind?"

"Yes, I'm sure. D'you want to come right over? I'd planned to eat in
about an hour."

"Yes, I'll do that. I'll stop and get a bottle of wine on the way and be
with you in about fifteen, twenty minutes. Is that OK?" Thea smiled. Who
knew where a casual supper could lead her, as long as she kept it
relaxed and informal? ''s absolutely fine,' she replied. Til look
forward to it.' And with that, she put down the phone.

Dave Lawrence was exactly on time. He arrived fifteen minutes later with
a bottle of Australian red and a box of Bendicks.

"Yummy,' Thea said as he handed them across and he laughed, wondering
why it didn't sound completely ridiculous coming from her.

' ' look nice."

Thea turned. ' I?' Her linen was well crumpled and she hadn't brushed
her hair all day or reapplied her lipstick.

Lawrence smiled. ', you do.' He found her expensive, lived-in look a
real turn on but that was something he didn't want to add. Yet.

"Come on in. Shall I open this, or would you like a glass of white?"

"Red would be nice,' Lawrence said. ' smells wonderful."

"It's lasagne, nothing too spectacular but Tom loves it and I'm afraid I
rather pander to him, especially on days like this."

That's good."

"Is it?' Thea smiled. ''m not sure if I spoil him. I was never spoiled,
you see, so I think I've gone a bit the other way."

"A bit of what you want never does any harm -- in my opinion, anyway."

Thea looked at him. He had a way of talking that seemed completely
straight on the surface but he had a way of looking at her that gave his
words a whole different meaning.

She felt herself blush and moved across the kitchen to find a bottle
opener -- a diversion.

"Hello,' Tom said, coming into the kitchen. He was still in his sports
kit, pale blue T-shirt and navy shorts. He looked angelic, Thea thought
momentarily, all lanky legs and mop of dark hair. ' you the policeman?"

"Yes."

"Do you have one of those cars, with the siren on top?"

"Yes."

"What, here? Wow! Can I see it?!"

"No, not here, back at the station."

"Oh.' Tom looked crestfallen.

"I tell you what I have got though, and that's a blue flashing light for
the roof of my normal car. Would you like to see that?"

"Cor! Yes please!" Lawrence smiled. ' on then.' He dug in his pockets
for his car keys and led the way to the front door. He opened it and
handed Tom the keys. ' the alarm pad to open the doors,' he said as Tom
bounded out in front of him.

He turned to Thea. ''t he great?' he said, smiling, and Thea smiled
back.

"Well, I think so,' she said, wondering if he knew that the way to a
mother's heart was to love her children.

After supper, Thea produced her pudding, a gooseberry cheesecake,
heavily coloured with green food colouring and decorated to look like
the sports field at school. She had put several miniature plastic
running figures on top and told Tom that the one at the front was him.

"It's amazing!' Lawrence said. ' on earth did you--?"

Thea held up her hands to stop him. ''s not amazing at all, it's
terribly indulgent and a bit silly, but who cares?

Tom, d'you want some?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes please!"

"Dave?"

"How could I refuse?"

"Quite easily I should think, judging from the grass-green colour!' She
cut two slices and handed them across, then cut herself a thin slither.
Tm saving myself,' she said when she saw Lawrence looking at her plate,
' that I can stuff myself with Bendicks! They're my favourites!"

"Good, I'm glad I got it right." She smiled. There was a silence as they
all ate, then Tom said, finishing at an indecent speed, ' you for
supper, Mum, may I get down please?"

"Of course. You can finish your video, then I'd like you to go upstairs
and start getting ready for bed."

"What? No bath?"

"No, you can have a shower. Go on, off you go and give me a shout when
it's finished."

Tom jumped down from the table and disappeared. Thea watched him go, was
silent for a moment, then decided to try her luck. She would have
preferred it if Dave had drunk more and been more off guard but that
wasn't going to happen so she took a breath and said, ', I hope you
don't mind me asking this, but, erm, how come things went so wrong with
Cora's case? I mean, things just don't seem to add up, do they?"

Dave finished his cheesecake, put down his spoon and fork and looked at
her. ',' he said. They don't.' He took a sip of his wine, then his
water. ''ve been building up to this all evening, haven't you?"

Thea stared down at her hands.

"I could feel your tension.' He reached out and took one of her hands.
Thea, what is it you want to know?"

She felt herself relax. For one awful moment she thought he was going to
ask her what she was up to and she wasn't sure she had an answer that he
would believe. ' just want to know what went awry,' she said quietly. '
want to know what's missing and why things don't make sense."

"For what purpose?"

Thea held her breath. ' don't know,' she said quietly, not daring to
look up. She was only too aware of the fact that she couldn't lie. '
suppose I want to put the record straight, in my own mind.' She kept her
gaze averted, ' I want to be able to tell Cora exactly what's going on
when she asks."

There was a silence and Thea thought she'd messed it up, but after a few
moments more Lawrence said, There are two major things that don't add
up, Thea, and we just can't seem to find a way round them.' He sat back
in his chair and looked at her. The first,' he began, ' the missing time
and Ewert Lockhart's disappearance ... "

Thea silently let out a long, tense breath. She'd been right then, she'd
picked up the scent. ' on,' she said and DS Lawrence, unaware that he
was opening Pandora's box, went on to explain the whole thing.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Thea sat in bed with the lamp on, a cardigan over her nightie and a cup
of tea on the bedside table, reading through her file. She was
despondent, tired and beginning to feel that this whole thing was
hopeless. In the two weeks since she had made her decision to find out
what was going on for Cora, she had got nowhere fast. There were no
leads, no clues and no answers. Nothing. Even the thirty-five-pound
tip-off for Ewert had been a1 duff. Thea sighed and reached for her tea,
flicking briefly through the file once more, then letting it slip from
her lap on to the floor. She glanced up at a knock on her door and,
bending to shove the file under her bed, called out, ' in, Dad, I was
reading."

Jake, in tartan dressing gown and old leather slippers, came into the
room and across to the bed. Thea moved her legs and he sat down on the
edge of it.

"Are you all right, Thea love? You seem very down at the moment, very
preoccupied." She smiled. ' I? Sorry. No, I'm fine, thanks."

"You sure?' Jake looked uncertain. ''s just that Betty said you've been
dashing here, there and everywhere. She seemed a bit, well concerned
really and--' Jake stopped.

"And you'd like to know what's going on, right?"

He looked at her. ', to be honest with you, 1 would. I was rather hoping
that it might be a relationship. It's about time that you--" "Don't,
Dad,' Thea said, reaching out and touching his arm. ' there, done that.
It didn't work."

"Oh?' He patted her hand. Tm sorry. You deserve a bit of fun, Thea, you
work very hard and since what happened to Cora, well, you need some
companionship. Anyway, enough moralising. You're sure you're OK?"

"Yes, fine."

Jake stood but as he did so he caught the heel of his slipper under the
divan bed and it came off. '!"

He bent to retrieve it and pulled out the blue folder.

"Good Lord, what's this?' He picked it up. ' bet you haven't seen this
for yonks.' He went to hand it over but one of the pieces of paper came
loose as he did so and dropped to the floor, so he knelt to put it back.

"I never liked these files, they always come apart on me ... "

He held the paper for a moment and glanced down at it. Something caught
his eye and, unable to stop himself, he read the first few lines. He
looked up at Thea "What's this?' He held the piece of paper out to her.
' there more?"

She nodded.

The same? About Cora's case?"

Again she nodded, then dropped her head down and stared at her hands in
her lap.

"What the devil are you playing at, Thea? It says here; Made contact
with Ewert lead, then you've got an arrow down to an address and a line
through it. What does it all mean? Are you interfering with the police
investigation in some way?"

"No! I'm not interfering!"

"Well, what then?' Jake's voice was stern and ungiving.

Tell me, Thea! Is this what all this dashing around has been about? Is
this why you're so moody and preoccupied?' He sat down on the bed and
opened the file, flicking through.

"It is, isn't it?' He was cross and it was one of the few occasions that
Thea had ever seen him like it. Thea? Are you going to explain or am I
going to telephone the police with this? I'd have thought they'd be very
interested to know that someone else is on the case! I'd have thought
that--"

"All right!' Thea snapped.

Jake stopped and looked at her.

"All right,' she said, more calmly, Til tell you what it's about.' She
reached forward and took the file, opening it and laying the papers out
on the bed. ' I'm doing is trying to find out what really happened

"You know what really happened! You know that Cora was raped! What more
do you want to know?!"

"I want to know why Wakes is so squeaky clean, that's what I want to
know! I want to know how he's managing to get away with this, why his
defence have built such a watertight case for a complete bastard! I want
to know why, when I spoke to one of the friends that was there on the
night it happened, one of Wakes's "best" friends - who has apparently
made a witness statement to the police about Wakes's good character -
why, when I asked him when he last saw Wakes, he couldn't remember? Good
mate, eh? Best friend? And then when I asked him when he last spoke to
Wakes on the phone, he stammered, had to think hard, flushed dark red
and finally said, "I can't remember, probably last week!"' Thea dropped
her legs over the bed and stood up, too agitated to stay where she was.
She paced the floor for a moment. The other so-called friend wouldn't
say a word, for or against Wakes, he just wouldn't speak to me!"

"Thea, how on earth did you get in contact with these people?!"

"Lenny gave me a list of the people who signed up for his mailshot on
the night Cora--' Thea broke off. She couldn't bear to keep saying: the
night Cora was raped. She regained her composure and said, ' rang them
all and asked who had spoken to the police."

"Don't you think that was rather presumptuous of you?"

Jake just couldn't believe what he was hearing. ''t you think that the
police might be a bit upset when they find out?"

"How will they find out? I'm not going to tell them!"

Thea was unrepentant. There is something going on, Jake!

I know it and I bloody well want to find out what it is! I know Cora, I
know her like she's my own sister and I know full well that she wouldn't
have encouraged Wakes.

She wouldn't have given an inch, she's just not like that!"

Thea came across to him. ' isn't, is she?"

"No, you're right, she isn't. I have to admit that I was pretty shocked
when they went for sex with consent. I just didn't think it would wash,
not with Cora's character, but they don't seem to have taken that into
account."

"Sex with consent! It's a joke!' Thea picked up her paper.

Then there's this Ewert thing. Where the hell is he? How come he's
suddenly disappeared? By the time the police got there he'd cleared out
and gone. Where? And what was the hurry? Someone must have got to him,
Jake, someone must have paid him, threatened him, I don't know what, but
it's one hell of a coincidence that he just vanishes and is then used in
the defence's case."

Jake shook his head. ' on a minute, you can't make those sorts of
accusations! You could get yourself into terrible trouble -- that's
slander! And what evidence do you have to back it up, apart from an
over-stimulated imagination?' He held up his hands. ', no I won't accept
that line, I simply won't!"

"All right then, let's go back to Wakes. He's been at his bank for just
over a year and everyone loves him. The secretaries, his colleagues, his
boss, they all think he's the business!"

"How do you know that? You haven't been to his workplace and--"

"No,' Thea interrupted. ', don't worry, I'm not that obvious!' She shook
her head, momentarily concerned that Jake would think her so stupid. '
Lawrence told me that, it's one of the things that he doesn't like about
the case, he said, and I quote: "It smells funny, a bit too nice, like
air freshener covering something nasty." It's just one more thing that
doesn't add up."

"I don't really get where you're coming from, Thea. Are you saying that
Wakes and all his friends and all his colleagues are lying? And if you
are, not only is that frankly ludicrous, it's also totally unprovable!
It's not going to help Cora, not one iota!"

Thea stopped and looked at Jake for a moment, then she dropped her head
into her hands. ' know,' she murmured.

"I think it but I can't prove it so it's absolutely no--' She stopped
and glanced up. ' God! What's that noise?!"

Jake jumped up. ' sounds like a cat, like it's injured ... "

They both darted to the window and Thea flung it open.

The screeching wail rose up into the night. ''s Mrs. Betts's cat,' Thea
said, scrabbling for a pair of shoes. ', it sounds as if someone's half
killed it! I'd better go and see if I can find it, she's away for the
weekend, it might have been run over.' Shoes on, she ran to the door.

"Shall I come with you?' Jake asked.

"No, not at the moment. If I can't find it, I'll come back and get you.'
Her face had drained of colour, she hated animals in pain, the whole
idea made her feel sick.

"Thea?' Jake hurried out on to the landing after her but she was already
down the stairs and out of the front door. Thea, wait!' he called. She
didn't hear him; she had gone.

"Artie?' Thea ran down the drive towards the lane. '? It's all right,
darling, I'm coming!' she shouted. The screaming continued and her
stomach churned. It was dark, there were few stars and only a crescent
moon. '!' She missed her step and wondered for a moment about going back
for a torch. '?' she called again. The screaming had gone down to a
whine, a pathetic whine, the terrible rasping of last breath. ',' she
said quietly, ' are you?"

Suddenly something hit her in the face. Smack! It was heavy and wet and
warm, and as she put her hands out to touch it she felt a paw. ' my God
...' she gasped, then she went down. The blow was from behind, a hard
crack over her shoulders and it knocked her to her knees, the pain
wrenching her stomach. She hit the gravel, wincing as the sharp stones
cut into her bare flesh, and opened her mouth, screaming just as a kick
landed in the side of her body. She doubled up on to her side. '?' she
yelled. ' God ... JAKE!' Another kick, this time to her upper body and
she curled up, senseless with pain.

THEA?' Jake was out of the house and running down the drive. She heard
footsteps and the sound of crunching gravel but they seemed to be
running away from her, not to her. She started to cry. ' ...' she
whimpered. ', please ...' She closed her eyes.

Thea!' Jake was there. He dropped to his knees. '!

Are you ...?' He gently lifted her head.

She opened her eyes and felt his hands on the side of her face. ',' she
whispered. ', I'm OK, I ... "

"Don't speak, it's fine, I'm here, it's just fine.' Jake stared down at
her, at her face covered in blood, and he had the terrible urge to cry,
with relief, with fear and anger, he didn't know what. ' you move at
all?"

"Yes, I ... I think so.' She uncurled her legs and eased herself up to a
half-sitting position. Jake had a torch, he'd left it on the ground by
her side and its beam went off up into the trees. ' hit me in the face,
I don't know what it was, then someone hit me over the back."

She rubbed her shoulders. ' couldn't see ... it's too dark, I couldn't
see a thing.' Thea glanced behind her up at the trees where the torch
shone. ' think it came from--' Suddenly she stopped and put her hand up
to her mouth. ' Christ."

Bile rose in her throat and from out of nowhere her stomach heaved. ',
Jake, it's Artie ...' she breathed, then she leant over and was
violently sick.

Jake looked behind her. Hanging from the tree by a rope and split open
from its neck to its tail was a cat. It was caught gruesomely in the
glare of the torchlight, its tortured eyes wide open in terror. He stood
up and swallowed down his own nausea. Around the animal's neck there was
a card. It said: Curiosity killed the cat.

It was just luck that DS Lawrence was in the station that night, but he
preferred to think of it as fate. He had been going over some paperwork
when a call came in for CID and, being the nosy bugger that he was, he
listened in to his colleague's conversation and heard the name of Thea's
village.

"Hey, Mike? What's going down?' he called out.

"An assault, some village out near the Downs. A young woman's been
assaulted in her own garden. We're just going over there now."

"You got the victim's name?"

"Yes. It's Mrs. Marshall ... "

Lawrence was up and across the office in seconds. He snatched the bit of
paper DS Mike Mitchell was holding and glanced at it. ' Christ!' He
looked up. This all you got on it?"

"Yeah, we're just heading over there now."

"Right!' Lawrence grabbed his jacket and car keys off his desk. Til see
you there,' he said, already on his way out of the office. ''s a key
witness in my case!"

At Tanbry Cottage, Thea sat wrapped in a blanket, a mug of hot sweet tea
laced with brandy in her shaking hands and Jake, fully dressed, pacing
the floor in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Thea,' he said, ' I had to do it, I had to.' He stopped and
looked at her. This has gone far enough, the police simply have to be
told.' Thea said nothing. ' as far as I'm concerned,' he went on, '
should know the full story!"

"Don't, Jake, please ...' She was still very weepy from the shock. '
don't go on.' She looked at her hands and lifted the mug to her lips,
but she was unable to drink anything. ' have you done with Artie?' she
asked quietly.

"I've put him in a sack at the bottom of the garden.'Jake shook his
head. Thea! Stop avoiding the issue! Are you going to tell them or am
I?"

"Tell them what?' she cried. This has nothing to do with Cora's case!"

Jake crossed to her and knelt in front of her. ' has everything to do
with Cora's case. It's a warning, you've got to tell the police."

"So you believe me now, do you? That there's something really weird
about this case?"

Jake took a breath. ' don't know, Thea,' he said. ' can't think about
that now, it's not the case I'm concerned about, it's you. Hand it over
to the police and let them do their job." Again Thea said nothing, Jake
stood up in frustration and continued to pace the floor.

DS Lawrence shoved the flashing blue light on the top of his car and
drove full pelt along the A24. At the right junction he came off, hared
down the country roads, through several villages and off on to the
lanes. He came to Thea's village, slowed - only marginally - to get
through it, then turned into her lane, an unmade-up road with only four
houses off it. At her drive, he screeched to a halt, right behind the
patrol car, left the light flashing and jumped over the five-barred
gate, running up the drive towards the cottage.

There was no police reason for his haste, this wasn't an emergency, but
Lawrence didn't give a stuff. Thea Marshall wasn't only a key witness in
his case, in the past two weeks he had started to think that she might
be a great deal more than that.

Daniel Ellis drove back from a sedate supper with friends in Haycott,
the next-door village to Thea's, listening to a new CD. He was a
cautious driver, he liked to stick to the speed limit, and as he came to
Thea's village itself, he took it slowly, peering at the cars in the
village hall car park to see if any of them might be hers. And, despite
telling himself repeatedly that there was nothing to see down Thea's
lane, as he drove past it he couldn't stop himself from slowing right
down to a snail's pace to peer up it in the darkness, although what he
expected to see he had no idea. Suddenly he stopped dead in the middle
of the road, with no warning to any cars behind; he just stopped. He
gripped the steering wheel. At the top of the lane, just in front of
Thea's gate, were two police cars, one with a light flashing its
frightening blue signal.

"Oh fuck!' he snapped. And without thinking further, he slammed the car
into first and sped off up towards the light.

DS Lawrence ran into the house. The door was open as one of the
uniformed officers was outside with Jake, looking at the cat.

"Police!' he said, holding up his ID at the WPC. ''s Thea? Mrs.
Marshall?"

"In the kitchen."

"I'm in here, Dave,' Thea called out. He hurried through and found her
standing in front of the Aga to keep warm.

"Christ, Thea! Are you all right?' He crossed to her and held her arms.

"Ouch!' she said and tried to smile.

"D'you need a doctor?"

"No I don't think so. I took a bang on the shoulders and a couple of
kicks, but I think I'm OK. I'll get checked out tomorrow by my GP."

"What happened?"

Thea?"

Thea looked up as she heard Daniel's voice. '?"

He hurried into the room followed by the WPC. Tm sorry, is he--?"

"Yes, yes, he's a friend, it's OK."

Daniel stood just inside and took in every detail of the situation. DS
Lawrence had moved aside but there was an intimacy between him and Thea
that Daniel picked up.

Thea? Are you OK?"

She nodded, suddenly swamped with embarrassment.

"What are you doing here?"

"Would you believe I was passing and I saw the police car and well ...'
He shrugged. There was a brief silence and he murmured, Thank God you're
all right!" Lawrence said, ' happened, Thea? Did you disturb them? Was
it burglary?"

"No, it was--' She broke off as Jake came back into the cottage.

He was followed by the uniformed officer who recognised DS Lawrence and
said, ', 1 think you'd better come outside and have a look at
something."

Thea stared down at the floor.

Thea?"

"Yes, go on."

Lawrence went out and Daniel moved further into the room. ' you tell
him?' Thea said to Jake. He shook his head.

Tell him what?' Daniel asked.

Thea closed her eyes for a moment, then she said, ' was assaulted
tonight. It was a warning because I've been interfering. I've been
asking questions about Jason Wakes and Cora."

"You've what?"

"I contacted a couple of Wakes's friends, asked them some questions,
that's all, and I tried to follow up what happened to Ewert.' Thea threw
her hands up. ' God!' she snapped, ''s going on as if I committed a
crime or something! All I was trying to do is find out some answers, all
I want is to get to the--' She broke off and stuffed her fist in her
mouth. The sight of Artie flashed into her mind, then out again a split
second later, but it was enough for tears to spring to her eyes.

Tell him about the cat."

Thea shook her head.

"OK, then I will. Someone, whoever it was who assaulted Thea, also
murdered the cat that lives next door. They slit it from its neck to its
tail and, left it hanging--"

"Stop it!' Thea cried. ' it, Jake, please!"

"No I won't. They left a note on it that said: Curiosity killed the cat.
It was a warning, all right, it was a bloody threat and she could have
got herself killed.' He looked at Thea. ' time it could be you, Thea, or
Tom!"

Thea started to cry and Daniel's stomach hurt. Thea," he said gently. He
stopped as DS Lawrence came back into the room.

"What the fuck is all this about?' Lawrence snapped.

Thea? What the hell is going on?"

Thea gulped down her tears and bit her lip hard. ''ve been--' She
stopped and took a breath. ''ve been asking questions, about Ewert and
Jason Wakes, I--"

Jesus Christ! You stupid fool!"

"Now hang on a minute!' Daniel snapped. There's no need for that!"

Lawrence glared over his shoulder at Daniel, but he did take a moment to
calm down. ' you realise that you could put this whole case in jeopardy?
That there're procedures to be gone through, rules, protocol, that if
not followed, can bring a case down?' He was still seething but he kept
it under control. ' did you think you were doing? What, Thea?"

"I had a lead on Ewert, I got it from the pub he used to go to and,
well, it just sort of went on ...' Her voice trailed off.

The lead that told you he was in Newcastle, right?"

She jerked up. ' did you--?"

"We're the bloody professionals, Thea! We're not some tinpot operation
who haven't got a fucking clue!' Lawrence shook his head. ' you think
that we wouldn't go down every avenue open to us? Christ Almighty! Spare
me the Miss. Marple act!"

Thea dropped her head in her hands.

This is a serious threat, Thea! You were lucky, you might not be so
lucky next time!' Lawrence looked over his shoulder as the two officers
from CID arrived.

"All right, Mike?"

"Yeah, what's going on?"

Lawrence had the grace to notice that Thea was crying and said, ' on,
we'll go outside and I'll brief you. I could do with a cigarette.' He
glanced at the WPC. ' couldn't make Mrs. Marshall a cup of tea, could
you?' She nodded and, without looking again at Thea, DS Lawrence led his
colleagues outside.

Much later, when the police had finally gone, Daniel stayed on. He found
a bottle of Cognac in Thea's cupboard and poured three glasses, placing
them on the table. Thea looked drained, physically and emotionally, and
as she sat down he had to stop himself from reaching out to comfort her.

"OK,' he said, taking a sip of his brandy. ''s all this about? You're
not stupid, Thea, there must be something that's really bugging you for
you to have got this involved."

Jake glanced sidelong at Daniel. He liked him, but the way Thea was
reacting to him, she very obviously didn't.

Thea?' he said. ' you going to tell Daniel?"

Thea shrugged. She took a large gulp of the brandy and coughed as it hit
the back of her throat. Til give you my file," she said directly to
Daniel. ' can see what I'm thinking from that."

Daniel nodded and finished his drink in one. There was no point in
wasting any more time here, he'd got the message. ', I'll have a look at
it."

He stood and Jake said, Til get it, it's upstairs."

Thanks.' As Jake left, Daniel stared down at the top of Thea's head and
said, ' of this is my fault, you know." "I never said it was."

"But you seem to blame me in some way. If it wasn't me putting the case
together it would have been someone else, some other barrister."

She looked up at him and the effect was to make him physically pull
back. ' could have helped,' she said.

"No 1 couldn't. If you have principles, then you should stick by them,
otherwise there's no point in having them."

"And if you have principles you should know when they apply and when
they don't,' Thea said. ' was always my mother's problem."

Jake came down the stairs and Daniel turned. He took the file and said
goodnight. As he left the house, Thea didn't even raise her head or say
goodbye. She just couldn't be bothered; nothing seemed to make any sense
any more.

Chapter Twenty-Four.

DS Lawrence had been up all night. He sat in his office with the Corinne
White case file on his desk and went over and over every piece of paper,
every statement, every scrap of forensic and every loose end that they
couldn't seem to tie up. He wasn't tired, he was fuelled by caffeine and
nicotine, an array of empty plastic cups was strewn on the floor around
him and his ashtray was overloaded with butts. He had that strange rush
of adrenalin that comes from lack of sleep and it made everything around
him appear sharper.

He knew why he'd lost it with Thea last night now; he could see it, own
up to it. It wasn't just the case, she couldn't seriously damage things,
it was the feeling that he'd been conned, that the dinners, three in
total, had been set up, an excuse to use him to find out the score.

That had angered him; it made him feel stupid. Of course he fancied her,
who in their right minds wouldn't? Maybe it was more? He lit another
cigarette and sat back in his chair. Then again, maybe it wasn't.
Christ, this case was littered with uncertainties! There was one thing
for sure, though, and that was that nobody got away with the sort of
shit he'd seen last night; nobody made threats like that on his turf.

Lawrence rubbed his hands over his face and, cigarette between his lips,
stood to go to the bathroom. If it hadn't been Thea, would he have cared
so much, been up all night? He took a last drag and dropped it in the
ashtray.

Another uncertainty, he thought, and the way he had behaved towards her
last night, he wasn't sure if he was ever going to get the chance to put
it straight.

On the way to the bathroom Lawrence passed DC Louis Judd. ', boss,' Judd
said. ''s the call?"

Lawrence stopped. The Corinne White case. File's on my desk. Get some
coffees in, will you, Louis, for everyone?

I'm just going to have a wash and a crap and I'll be back in about ten
minutes."

"Right-oh, boss. Have one for me!' Judd walked on into the office, took
the file off Lawrence's desk and sat down to have a good look through
it.

"Right, morning everyone,' Lawrence said, washed and shaved but in
yesterday's clothes. ' briefing this, I want to get to work again on the
White case. I think we've left a couple of things undone and I want them
put right."

There was an uncomfortable shuffling on chairs. As far as the team were
concerned they'd gone through it with a fine toothed comb, left nothing
out that couldn't be put in.

"Like what?' Cath asked.

"Film footage. Cath, I'd like you to contact every twenty four-hour
garage you contacted before, only this time I'd like you to look through
their surveillance film."

"You're joking? That'll take days!"

"Correct!"

"But why, when no one has come forward with a positive sighting of her
or her car?" "You asked verbally, but people are fallible. Somewhere out
there Corinne White stopped for a couple of hours. She was confused and
frightened and my guess is she stopped at a petrol station, maybe got a
drink, maybe just sat parked for a while. If she did, then we may strike
lucky and find her on camera. I'm sorry, Cath, I know it's a bore but
... "

He shrugged.

"Louis, work on the Ewert Lockhart angle again. That Newcastle lead was
a red herring, he's hiding somewhere, somewhere in London is my guess so
get on to it."

DC Judd nodded and made several notes in his book.

"Pete, do more on this signet ring problem, all right?

Check every friend again for photos on the night, find out if there's
any evidence that Wakes might have had one. How do you get a signet
ring? Not every Tom, Dick and Harry has one so they must be reasonably
elite. Check city jewellers, check every avenue you can think of, OK?"

Detective Constable Pete Dowe was newly promoted, serious and tenacious;
the very reason Lawrence had given him the flimsiest lead.

The rest of you get back to the invitation list to the Wakes party that
night and re-call the names on it. I want more. Let's put the pressure
on and see if anyone will crack.

There must be someone out there who doesn't like Wakes!"

Lawrence smiled. ' from us, of course.' There was a brief burst of
laughter.

"Good. Any questions?"

"Yes, where's this leading, boss? I thought we had a case," Judd asked.

We do, but it's not good enough. This has to be as tight as a dram to
stop the GPS pissing around trying to make up their minds whether or not
to go ahead. Understood?"

The team nodded. ', let's do it!"

Daniel Ellis was in Chambers before anyone else. He asked Charlie for
the Wakes brief, got himself a coffee and sat down to read. It was
early, he had been up most of the night worrying about Thea and the
coffee tasted good. He sipped, cradled the cup in his hands for a few
moments, staring out of the window, then got to work. There was
something that had been bothering him, something that had come to him in
the middle of the night, one small comment, prompted by Thea's words,
and he knew it was in here somewhere. Searching through the character
witness statements, he dismissed each one as he read through it, making
the odd note here and there, then finally, three statements from the
end, he found it. Wakes's boss, the man who headed the fund management
team had originally said: ' Wakes is a much-valued member of the team.
He has only been with us for a year and although there were problems at
first, with his lack of experience, dealing with staff, and of course
taking on such a big fund, he has settled in exceptionally well.1 That's
what Daniel remembered. The second statement, corrected on his
recommendation, only referred to teething problems, there was no mention
of lack of experience or the new fund. Daniel had what he wanted. He
stood up and taking the piece of paper, went outside to the corridor to
photocopy it. Minutes later, he replaced the original back in the file
and returned the file to Charlie.

"You off then, Mr. Ellis?"

"Yes, Charlie,' Darnel had planned a few days' break.

"Going anywhere nice?"

"If the weather's nice, to West Wittering, if it's not then cricket on
the telly."

"Very nice too. Couple of tinnies and the test match. Just where I'd be
if 1 had half the chance!"

Til think of you as I'm raising my can! Thanks for your help, Charlie,
I'll see you soon."

"Right you are, Mr. Ellis. Cheerio."

With his photocopy safely in his briefcase Daniel headed back to
Victoria and the first train home to Sussex.

Thea was at the sink washing up when Jake came down Tom had started his
summer vacation and was still asleep, catching up on all the early
starts he'd had to endure during termtime, so the cottage was quiet.
Quiet and a little depressed, Jake thought, as he put the kettle on the
Aga for tea.

Til do that, Dad,' Thea said, taking the kettle from him.

"What would you like, tea or coffee?"

Tea, please.' Jake wasn't dressed. To be honest, last night's scare had
knocked him for six. It was a sign of old age, he thought, the inability
to take things in your stride.

"Would you like some toast?' Thea went to the fridge.

"I made some gooseberry jam, I had rather a glut of them and--"

Thea?"

She stopped, took a deep breath and turned.

Thea, I'm sorry to have to bring this all up but I really do think that
you owe me an explanation.' He looked at her She was so pale that he
could see the veins in her neck and the faint blue shadows under her
eyes. ' don't understand it, you see, I don't understand how you could
have put yourself and Tom in such danger."

"I ... "

"No, let me finish. You see, I don't understand, Thea, what drives this
terrible vengeance. Why you seemed to have taken the mantle of justice
and retribution for Cora on to your own shoulders. Why it has affected
you so very much I mean, we're all upset, all of us, but this, this call
to arms seems a bit far-fetched to me."

The kettle whistled and Thea turned to make the tea.

She let it brew for a few moments, stirred it and poured, bnnging a cup
over to the table where Jake sat.

"Sit down, Thea, and talk to me,' he said.

She did as he asked.

"I'm sorry to have to ask this, but I need to know. Is there something
between you and Cora, something that runs deeper than friendship? Is
this the reason for your anger and pain?"

"Are you asking me if Cora and I are lovers?"

Jake swallowed. He was surprised at how unliberal he felt about all
these things now, after half a lifetime with Hedda. All he wanted for
Thea was happiness and security, he didn't want her to have heartbreak
and prejudice, to struggle to be accepted. He wanted her to have all the
children he had never had and all the love. He said, ', 1 suppose I am."

Thea was silent.

"Do you love Cora?"

She looked at him. '. Yes I do, I love her very much, but ... but not in
the way you mean. I love her in the same way that I love you, I suppose.
You are a huge part of my life, Jake, mine and Tom's, and so is Cora. I
couldn't live without you and I'm finding it very hard to live without
Cora."

Jake reached out and took her hand in his. ' that all7'

"Yes. Yes and no.' Thea squeezed his fingers. To be honest with you I
don't really know why I feel the way I do about all of this. I've never
felt so angry, never felt so much pain!"

She let out a sigh. ' I can think about is how Cora has struggled all
her life, struggled to get away from care, struggled to be something, to
learn to read, to talk nicely, to be all the things she wanted to be and
in one night, in what, barely an hour, that bastard ruined it all!' She
pulled her hand back and clasped both of them together in front of her,
making one fist. ' know she trusted me, Jake, she didn't want to get
involved in stripping all those years ago and she did it because I said
it would be OK. 1 failed her -1 let her down big time! I got her into a
career that she was ashamed of and in the end I wasn't there for her."

"It wasn't your fault, Thea, you aren't to blame."

"Oh I know that, I've been through that part of it. I feel she let me
down too. She copped out. She's the one person I always respected but
she didn't have what it takes. She ran away to France, to Hedda. It was
insulting.' Thea stared down at her hands.

"Is that part of it too? Are you trying to win her back from Hedda by
proving to her that there's a reason to come back?"

Thea jerked up. ' should have been the therapist!" Jake smiled and said,
That's what Hedda used to say to me."

Thea looked at him for a few moments, then finally she smiled back.

"Is there more?"

"A bit.' She took a deep breath, then said, ' was having an affair with
the man who turned up last night, Daniel Elhs It was going well,
brilliantly actually, I was really happy, then ...' She bit her lip. '
turned out to be the barrister for Jason Wakes."

"Good God! Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure! He told me himself."

Jake could hear the tears in her voice. '?"

"And nothing. He dumped me."

"Dumped you?"

"Yes, walked out on me, didn't ring! Get the picture?"

Jake looked at her. ''m sorry, Thea."

"Yes.' She swallowed hard. ' be honest, Jake, so am I."

"Does he know that?"

She shrugged. ', that I'm sorry? No, he couldn't care less." Jake said
nothing. From the way Daniel had looked at Thea last night, from the way
he'd spoken to her and handled himself, Jake knew that wasn't true.

"So now you know,' Thea said.

"Yes, now I know."

"Do you understand any of it? Does it make sense to you?"

Jake shrugged. ' don't know.' He stood up and went to pour himself
another cup of tea. The doorbell sounded and Jake said, Til get it.' He
walked into the hall and opened the front door.

"Hello, Daniel,' Thea heard. ' on in.' She stood, momentarily panicked,
but Daniel was in the doorway before she had a chance to move anywhere.

Thea, I've been thinking about what you said last night, and, well, I
... erm, I want to help."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do.' He was in a city suit, dark navy, tailor-made, with a
royal-blue shirt and a red tie. He didn't look like a barrister at all,
but then he was infamous for that characteristic.

"But you must promise me two things, if you want me to get involved."

She looked at him. ' on."

"No, not until you promise."

"How can I promise when I don't know what you're going to ask of me?"

"You have to trust me if you want my help. You have to trust me
completely."

Thea hesitated, but only for a moment. What choice did she have? She
couldn't do this on her own. ', what do I have to promise?"

"First that you'll have nothing more to do with this case."

He couldn't bear it, he couldn't bear for something to happen to her. It
was too dangerous, she had to let it go.

"Daniel! I can't promise that! You know I--"

"Next time it might not be a cat, it might be you, or Tom.

You have to let me handle it, Thea. If you don't, then 1 shall have
nothing more to do with it.' He was calling her bluff, he hoped to God
that she'd fall for it.

She did. ',' she said. ''ve got my word."

Thank you."

"And the second promise?"

That what I am doing will never go further than these four walls. I am
putting my whole career in jeopardy, I must be sure that you won't tell
anyone that I'm involved.

As far as you're concerned, we've never had this conversation.

OK?" "Yes,' she said, suddenly aware of the seriousness of what he was
doing. ' promise. Of course I promise that."

"Good.' He dug his hands in his pockets. Then there's no more to say."

"No."

He turned to go but Thea stopped him. ' I ask you something, Daniel?"

Yes."

"Why? Why have you decided to help?"

He dug his hands deeper into his pockets and stared at her for a moment.
Now was his opportunity, now he could tell her why he was here. He'd
been building up to this since the moment he saw her last night, he'd
gone over and over the words in his head, rehearsed it out loud, but it
wouldn't come out. He wasn't just trying to help, he was here because
she meant more to him than his principles, than his career even. He was
here because she wanted him to be and yet he just couldn't say it. '
...' He stopped. ' 1 think it's right to do so."

"I see." "Do you, Thea?' He continued to stare at her for a moment
longer, then he dragged his eyes away and headed for the door. Before
Thea could call him back and ask him what he meant, he had opened it and
disappeared outside. Moments later she heard his engine and he was gone.

"So?' Jake asked, coming back into the kitchen after his discreet
removal to the sitting room.

"So nothing,' Thea said miserably. And she stood to pour them both more
tea.

Out of sight, Hedda watched Cora from across the terrace.

Her skin was dappled by shadow and she was reading, or at least she
looked as if she was, but her leg jerked up and down off the ball of her
foot, continuously, and there was no way she could have concentrated on
the words. Hedda lit a cigarette and stayed where she was.

It was nearly three weeks now since Cora had arrived and in that time
Cora had changed. The alterations were subtle, of course, perhaps
apparent only to a professional, but Hedda saw them. Cora had gone from
weepy and confused to simply withdrawn. There were no more tears, no
more remonstrations of guilt and anger, no more indecision, only a cool,
impenetrable silence. They had talked once or twice but Cora had been
reticent, had spoken only of final retribution and true justice, in a
way that Hedda couldn't expand on or delve into, and it worried her. It
was beginning to worry her a great deal. Hedda walked over to where Cora
was sitting.

"Cora?"

Cora turned. She had begun to take more notice of her appearance, in the
most bizarre and inappropriate way. She wore the navy and white dress
all the time now, rinsing it out overnight, and she styled her hair
elaborately into a chignon or a French plait, changing the style two or
three times a day. She wore one of several pairs of large flashy
earrings that she had bought in town and painted the nails on her hands
and feet a deep magenta pink. Now, as she turned, Hedda saw that she
wore gold and diamond clips, shaped like a flower with a fake diamond in
the middle, and lipstick, a red slash of it, in the centre of a still
pale face.

"Cora, I might go up to the village tonight and have a drink with Henri,
Would you like to come?"

Cora put down her book. ', I don't think so, Hedda."

Hedda pulled out a chair from the table and sat down.

"But you look so nice, it would be a shame for no one to see you."

"I'm saving myself,' Cora said.

"Oh? For what?" Cora smiled. All the time she sat there, her leg jigged
up and down, up and down. ' much,' she said.

Hedda sighed. She smoked her cigarette in silence, then she said, ',
have you thought any more about going back home? About facing up to
things?"

Cora put her book down on the table. ',' she replied, "I have."

"You have? And?"

"I am going to get the justice I deserve."

Hedda looked at her. '! I'm glad to hear it!"

But Cora didn't seem to hear her. She had dropped her head down and was
rolling the hem of her dress between her fingers, a look of intense
concentration on her face.

"Have you rung Thea?"

Cora jerked her head up. She looked momentarily disorientated.

Thea?"

Yes, does she know that you'll--" Cora shook her head and smiled. ' told
you, Hedda," she said, reaching out and placing a stiff, icy-cold hand
on Hedda's warm brown skin, ' am going to get the justice I deserve.'
With that, she went back to her book.

"I don't like it, Henri,' Hedda said that evening over a drink at the
cafe. ' feel nervous. She isn't right and I don't know what to do to get
through to her. My training, my instinct says leave her alone, let her
get through it, but there's something volatile about her, she's an
unknown quantity."

Henri didn't know how best to advise. He found the girl very peculiar.
She interrupted his routine with Hedda, was a depressing influence; she
made him uneasy, even - the one time she'd been to his home - uneasy in
his own house! But she had been through a terrible experience and
although opinionated and rather set in his ways, Henri was not an unfair
man. ' her, Hedda,' he answered. ' her for a bit longer and see if she
comes round. Another week perhaps. Maybe we should get her more involved
with people her own age, get her to go out a little bit, see a couple of
the girls from the village. Marie with her family might be a good
choice.' Henri drained his glass and stood.

"Now, one more drink here and then home to my house for a nightcap. OK?"

"OK,' Hedda replied, and gave him her empty glass.

Cora was back in Hedda's house well within the thirty minute time limit
she had allowed herself; The trip to Henri's had been easy; ' peasy,
lemon squeezy,' she chanted, over and over again. She smiled and fondled
her prize. God that man was such a fool! He'd really thought she was
eyeing him up after the shoot last week, giving him the come on! What an
idiot! She'd been watching how he loaded the gun, unloaded it, where he
kept it and after he locked the cupboard, where he hid the key. She held
the gun close to her chest and let out a sigh. All those poor flapping
birds. Bang! Out of the sky and down they fell. Bang, bang, you're dead!
Cora smiled again. Then she stood and took a towel from the bathroom,
wrapping the gun lovingly inside it and laying it at the bottom of the
holdall she had packed earlier that day, covering it with her few
clothes. She pulled the covers of the bed up over the pillows, smoothed
it and walked out of the room.

Hedda would stay tonight with Henri. A few drinks followed by a nightcap
and she'd fall asleep in his bed, too relaxed, too sated to get up. By
the time she came back tomorrow Cora would be gone. A note of thanks,
some flowers and goodbye.

Cora came down the stairs, tidied the few things out of place in the
small stone house and took one last look round it. She didn't see it
though, she hadn't seen anything for days, except a red glaze, a burning
red glaze. She took the key from the front door, walked outside on to
the drive and locked it behind her, placing the key under the mat. Then
she climbed into her car, started the engine and without even a backward
glance, drove off. She had a ferry to catch - she had booked it a week
ago - and at the moment, she was running precisely on time.

Chapter Twenty-Five.

DS Lawrence was feeling depressed. Twenty-four hours he'd been holed up
in the office waiting for results after their renewed assault on the
White case, a self-inflicted torture and they'd had nothing: zero, sweet
FA, bugger all.

"Why don't you go home, Dave?' DS Mitchell had said, passing his desk
and seeing him with his head on his arms, his eyes closed and the
perpetual cigarette burning on his desk.

"You wouldn't understand,' he mumbled, keeping his head down. To be
honest, he wasn't sure if he understood it himself. It wasn't Thea, that
much he'd ascertained in the past day and night, it was more, it was to
do with not letting Corinne White down, not letting that sleek,
expensive little bastard get away with it. It was professionalism taken
to its limits, and pride. Yeah, he thought, raising his head as the
phone rang, that old killer dog: pride. He snatched the phone up and
barked into it, then moments later sat bolt upright and reached for his
cigarette.

"You're sure, Cath? Yeah, hang on, I'll double check it.

It's M465FRC, a blue Vauxhall Corsa. It is? Jesus Christ!

You're a fucking genius! Well done you, Cath! Yup, please do, bring that
tape right in and well have a look at it!' He slammed the phone down and
stood up.

"You all right, boss?"

"I'm more than all right, I'm fucking marvelous! She's got it, Cath's
got a tape with Corinne White parked in the corner of a twenty-four-hour
garage just off the A24.

We've not done it before because it's not enroute, but Cath thought
she'd give it a go! Bloody genius, that's what it was!

And Corinne White was there for the whole missing time, all one hour
fifty-five minutes of it and it's definitely her!"

He stubbed his cigarette out and immediately lit another.

"Now all we need is you, Louis, to strike gold and we've stitched that
little bugger right up!' He took a long drag of nicotine and felt a rush
to his head. ''ve stitched him up good and proper,' he murmured, ' the
bottom all the fucking way to the top."

Daniel Ellis looked up from the notes he was making as his fax machine
bleeped and began transmission. ' ha!' he murmured, standing and
stretching. He walked across to the machine and the phone on his desk
rang.

He answered it. ', yes, yes I did thanks, it's just coming through. Oh
did you? Great, thanks. Yes, it is, for the Daily Telegraph finance
page. Of course, let me take a note of your name again and I'll send you
a copy through when it goes to press.' A few small lies could be very
useful, he had discovered in the last twenty-four hours. He'd been
researching into employment figures for the Department of Trade and
Industry and now he was writing an article for the Telegraph. From
barrister to researcher to journalist in just one day. Not bad. He wrote
down the name of the girl in the bank's PR department and thanked her
again for her help. Then he went to the fax, collected the papers that
had come through and took them back to his desk. It was a list of major
funds under management, their current value and the teams managing the
funds. Daniel glanced through it and sank down into his chair.

"Oh my goodness ...' He underlined the name of the firm with the biggest
amount of money under management and shook his head. It was Hind
Industrial. Jason Wakes managed a portion of their billion-pound pension
fund, the bank spread the rest over several different teams. Daniel
picked. up the phone and dialled the number he had on the top of his
fax.

"Hello, may I speak to Kylie, please? Oh it is, hi there, Kylie, it's
Tom Rogers here, the journalist? We spoke a few moments ago? Yes, hi!
Listen, Kylie, I wonder if you could find something out for me. I was
wondering how long the bank has been managing the Hind Industrial
pension fund?

I'm thinking of adding a piece about client loyalty and how service
counts for more than ... Oh you can? Great. Yes, of course I'll hold.'
He tapped his pen against his front teeth, suddenly anxious. '? Yes, hi.
Last year? August last year, oh really, from First Mid-Western? Right.
OK, thanks again, Kylie. Bye for now.' Replacing the receiver, Daniel
sat back in his chair. Hind Industrial move their pension fund across to
Premier Bank from First Mid-Western, Jason Wakes is taken on at the same
time, maybe as part of the package, maybe not, but whatever the case, it
was almost certain that nobody was going to talk about the son of a
major bank client. It was a cover-up, that's what it was, a cover-up of
sorts. No one would risk upsetting the balance, losing face with Hind
Industrial, no matter how awful Jason Wakes turned out to be. What if,
and Daniel was speculating now, what if there had been a directive, from
the very top, that everyone should keep their mouths shut, say nice
things and it would all be OK. What was it John Edwards had said, when
he asked Daniel to take on the Wakes case? ' Michael Wakes wants he
usually gets.' So Wakes wants his son defended by a top barrister and he
wants whatever faults little Jason might have to be hushed up, glossed
over - lied about.

Daniel rifled through his papers and found the employment list that he'd
had faxed through to him that morning by Premier Bank's Human Resources
department under the impression he was researching for the DTI. He
glanced through it, underlined a couple of things, made a note of two
names, then picked up the phone again and dialled the employment agency
who serviced Premier Bank.

"Yes, hi, I wonder if, erm, Maureen Parks is in yet? Oh she is? Yes, I
would please. Yes, I'll hold.' Mrs. Parks was the company director and
no one, a secretary had said earlier, could give out any information
except her. '?
Maureen Parks? Yes I hope so. My name is Tom Rogers and I'm a journalist
working on a feature for one of the national newspapers about sexual
harassment in the city. It's mainly financial institutions I'm
interested in and I know that you provide secretarial staff for a number
of--' He stopped as Maureen Parks asked him what paper and wondered
which one to choose this time. ', of course, it's the Times. The
features editor Susan Hiller who commissioned the piece said she wanted
me to concentrate mainly on secretarial staff because we feel that they
seem to be in the main firing line.' Daniel paused for breath, but only
very briefly. ' was wondering if you might have any first-hand
experience of this sort of thing with any of your staff?' He glanced at
the employment list, a list of staff and how long they stayed and the
two names he'd made a note of. They were both secretaries from Wakes's
department, they had both left in quick succession, barely there a
couple of months each and they were both supplied by Parks Secretarial.
It might be nothing, just normal staff turnover, but then again ... "You
have? Yes! Yes, of course I can come in. When would be convenient? The
sooner the better for me to be honest, I'm on a bit of a tight deadline.
Tomorrow morning?' Daniel reached for his diary. ', seven-forty-five
will be perfect.

No, it's not too early, not at all. Thanks, yes I know where you are. I
look forward to meeting you.' And with that, he hung up.

Cora's ferry docked at five a.m. It was one of those luxury cruise
liners that sails overnight and lists on board such things as swimming
pools, nightclubs and hairdressers. It was here, in the hair salon, that
Cora spent a good part of the passage and emerged on British soil, no
longer a blonde with an elegant shoulder-length bob, but a brunette, her
hair cut razor short to an inch all over. It completely changed her
face, made it smaller and more angular and with the new narrow
sunglasses on, she was barely recognisable.

She drove first to a car hire office and hired a car, leaving her own in
their complimentary car park for a small fee. Then she filled the hire
car with petrol and headed for the M25. Half an hour later, by
six-thirty a. m., she was on her way to London and to the offices of
Premier Bank.

It was Friday morning, five-thirty a. m., the third day of Daniel's
short break, and he was up, showered and dressed, wearing a suit and
collar and tie. He made tea, breakfasted and collected his notes,
stuffing them into his briefcase.

When Petula came down at six, he was just on his way out of the door to
drive to Gatwick and catch the Gatwick Express to Victoria.

Til be back at lunchtime, Pet! Take the boys to Drusilla's today, will
you?"

Drusilla's was a zoo in East Sussex. Petula frowned and Daniel said, '
know! I know it's bad form but there's nothing I can do about it. I've
got something important to do, something very important. OK?"

Still Petula frowned, so Daniel put down his case, came back into the
house and kissed her cheek. ''ll be around tomorrow,' he said, '
promise."

She nodded and he picked up his case, heading back to the door. ' I ever
broken a promise, Pet?' he called just as he went out and Petula finally
smiled. No, no he hadn't.

Daniel Ellis was the most loyal man she'd ever met.

Maureen Parks's office was off Oxford Street, a smart affair that took
up the ground floor of what was formerly a shop and the second floor of
what was formerly the shop's flat.

It had been interior designed to office spec, had deep, striped comfy
sofas and swag and tail drapes, reproduction mahogany desks and
well-framed fake Victorian botanical pnnts. Parks Secretarial employed a
full-time staff of six women, who were all required to wear suits and
who dispatched smart young things from the Lucie Clayton and St. James's
secretarial schools to posh jobs in the City, where they hopefully found
themselves gainfully employed for a couple of years and then a rich
young husband.

Maureen Parks was alone when Daniel arrived. Her team didn't start until
eight-thirty, which gave them, she said, looking at her gold ladies'
Rolex, forty minutes. ' hope you don't mind,' she said, pouring him
coffee from a percolator, ' I'd like to finish before any of my staff
arrive, I'd rather that only the two of us knew about this meeting."

"Absolutely,' Daniel replied.

"Milk? Sugar?"

"No, as it is.' Daniel took his coffee and they sat down.

"So, Mr. Rogers--"

Tom, please."

"Tom. You wanted to know about sexual harassment?"

"Yes, you said that you have first-hand experience of it?

Is that right?"

"I do.' Maureen Parks was in her late forties, Daniel guessed, an
upright, manicured lady, with a very expensive suit and a few items of
classic jewellery. Her manner was clipped and he thought he could detect
the faint trace of a northern accent. She seemed on edge. ' I have to
say that I'm not at all sure about sharing it with you. It's really only
my growing sense of injustice and the fact that one of my girls, my best
girls, has been--' She broke off and looked down at her hands for a
moment. This article,' she said. ' it have to use real names?"

Daniel shook his head. ' at all. If you wish to remain anonymous, then
that's your prerogative. I would just say, for example, "a top London
employment agency". There must be several of those to choose from."

"Not that many."

"No, of course, but it does ensure a certain amount of anonymity."

"And I'd have your assurance on that? Your word?"

"Of course.' Believing a journalist, he thought, that's her first
mistake.

"You see, the thing is, Tom, that for some time now I've had a rotten
feeling about something. I'm an honest woman, a rare thing in business,
I know, but I've built my reputation on it. What you see is what you get
from Maureen Parks and, well, I, erm ...' She stopped again and fiddled
with her watch. ''ve had a problem with one particular City institution;
I've had two of my girls leave because of sexual harassment. One case in
particular, the second, was very nasty, well ... terrible really ...'
There was another pause; it lasted for some time. Finally Maureen said,
' I think it's time to speak out, get things straight.

When you called me yesterday and left that message I had a good old
think about it and I decided that fate had stepped in. I've had a
warning, you see, to keep stumm about it, about what happened, that is,
I was told that no more business would come my way if I made a fuss and
to a reasonably small business a big bank is a major client.

So I kept quiet but my girls aren't happy, word has got round and they
don't trust me any more, I can sense it.

What happened wasn't my fault but I think that some of my regular temps
blame me, think that I was--"

"Mrs. Parks?' Daniel interrupted. ' exactly happened?

I'm sorry, but this doesn't make much sense unless you tell me what this
is all about'

Maureen took a moment The whole subject obviously upset her

"Why don't you tell me the whole thing, in your own words, from start to
finish '

"OK' She was clearly a woman who usually had a tight grip on her
feelings, but it was costing her some effort to do so now Daniel took a
Dictaphone out of his case ' you mind if I taped you" he asked ''s
really just for my own notes, it makes things clearer '

Maureen hesitated, then said, ', no, that's all right' She looked at the
Dictaphone, waited for Daniel to switch it on and took a deep breath '
started almost a year ago to the day,' she began ' had a lovely girl,
Laura, she started with one of my best clients, a good job, PA to a team
of fund managers There was an incident, she hadn't been there more than
a month when a new chap made a pass at her'

"A pass7'

"Yes, well, she wouldn't say more than that, not to me she wouldn't, but
I heard later from one of my staff that the chap was a really nasty
piece of work, abusive and aggressive She declined his pass - she was
engaged, supposed to be getting married this August, and for three weeks
after that suffered what I would call abuse - that's the only word for
it abuse, mental and physical1 This chap apparently touched her up
repeatedly, made lewd innuendoes, jokes at her expense thoroughly
humiliated her and m the end she resigned, from the job and from my
agency1' Maureen Parks shook her head ' course all this came out after
she'd left and I never got the chance to talk to her personally But I
was livid11 went to see the bank immediately, had an interview with the
head of department who denied everything He said it had been a "simple
misunderstanding" and that my girl was "hysterical"1 And d'you know, I
believed him1 God, I must have been gullible This girl hadn't been on my
books before, she was young and I'd never had any trouble with this
bank, never1 The whole incident was played down, made to seem
inconsequential, so I did nothing about it More fool me1 I found them
another secretary, one of my best temps, to tide them over and took a
big bonus to do so It was to shut me up, the money, only I didn't
realise it at the time '

Daniel, who was making funous notes, glanced up as Maureen Parks stopped
speaking Not such a tight grip, he thought, as she blew her nose on a
white linen handkerchief Tm sorry,' she said, ' it's like opening the
flood gates, this I've kept the whole thing to myself for so long,
worried about it so much, that telling you has thoroughly upset me ' She
blew her nose again ''m sorry '

"Not at all I can quite understand your distress ' Daniel stopped
writing ' you like to stop for a while7' Maureen glanced at her watch ',
we'll run out of time if I do ' She folded the handkerchief ' this girl,
Laura, left the bank, as I said, I sent them one my best temporary
secretaries, a girl called Kate She started with them the following week
Now, Kate is very capable She's an attractive girl in her late twenties,
single, independent, a really good girl She was with me for seven years
before the situation at the bank and when I found out what had happened
to her, there was absolutely no doubting her word."

"What did happen?"

"Well, in the first instance, exactly the same as before.

This young man made a pass at her, but Kate handled it belter, she was
older, more in control. Only then, 1 gather, things took on a new
perspective. He started courting her against her wishes, sending her
flowers, ringing her, sending her intimate E-mails, asking her out all
the time and even though she tried to keep him at a distance, things
just got worse. She came to me and I went in again to see the head of
department. This time what he said didn't wash and I demanded an inquiry
and that Kate leave. He said he'd discuss it with her and that it
probably wouldn't come to that.' Maureen took another deep breath. The
upshot was that Kate was offered a permanent position at the bank
working for a different team; same department, mind you, but a different
group. She was given a hefty salary and all the perks: pension scheme,
private health care, big annual bonus, etc., etc. I'm sure you can see
the attraction and sadly so did she. In hindsight she should have just
left but ... "

Maureen shrugged. ' can have twenty-twenty vision with hindsight, can't
they? Anyway, Kate accepted the job, moved teams but unfortunately that
wasn't the end of the problem. This young man became a real nuisance. It
was as if he couldn't have a proper relationship, he had to have
control. He became almost obsessive about Kate, would corner her in
quiet corridors, touch her up, he started to ring her at home, follow
her to lunch, all sorts of things.

And then one night, quite late, he turned up at her home.

He said he needed to talk to her because he was in love with her. Kate
let him in and he--' Maureen Parks broke off and stared down at her
hands. She didn't look up for several minutes.

Daniel said, ' did what, Mrs. Parks?"

She clasped her hands together to stop them shaking.

"It was never reported, you see, she was too ashamed, too distressed and
he offered her money, a great deal of it to keep quiet

"What did he do, Mrs. Parks?"

Maureen looked up. ' raped her."

It was mid afternoon and Cora had sat outside Premier Bank all day. She
had seen Jason Wakes arrive for work at eight-forty-five, go out to
lunch at one and return to the office a couple of hours later. It was
now five-fifteen p.m. and she knew she was half-way through the wait.

She returned to her book, her leg jiggling up and down, and she stared,
unseeing, down at the words.

Detective Constable Pete Dowe walked into the reception of the College
of Arms in Queen Victoria Street and gave his name to the receptionist.

The Officer-in-waiting will be with you in a few minutes," she said. '
you like to wait in the waiting room?"

"No, I'm fine here, thank you.' He stood and looked up at banners hung
around the room emblazoned with the coats of arms of the realm and felt
momentarily overawed by it all. Then he turned as the Officer-in-waiting
approached him, all thoughts except the job in hand gone, and said, "DC
Dowe, we spoke earlier on the phone."

"Yes, hello, Detective Constable. I think I've got exactly what you
want. Wakes was the name, was it? A Mr. Jason Wakes?"

DC Dowe felt like punching the air. ', d'you have a record of him?"

"As I told you earlier, Detective Constable, once a search for a
particular coat of arms is commissioned and a fee paid over, we open a
file. According to my records, Mr. Jason Wakes commissioned such a
search in January this year.

See, here, I have a note of all his details, the details you gave me
over the phone.' The Officer held out a ledger and a file.

"Would it be possible to photocopy these?"

"Of course."

"And people who commission these searches, what do they do with their
family crest once they find it?"

"A number of things. Some have it put on notepaper, business stationery,
that sort of thing, others have it put on a signet ring, some just keep
it as part of their family history."

DC Dowe took the ledger and file. ''s the most likely use?" The Officer
thought for a moment. ' my opinion, it seems to be signet rings." DC
Dowe smiled. Thank you,' he said, tapping the ledger under his arm.
Thank you very much indeed."

Daniel Ellis had stayed a great deal longer than his allotted forty
minutes with Maureen Parks. Once the story was out, the words seemed to
fall like dominoes and before she knew it, she had said far, far more
than she had ever intended to.

What, she asked, do 1 do, with this on my conscience? And Daniel told
her only what she already knew: that she must convince Kate to go to the
police.

From the moment he took Cath's call early that morning, DS Lawrence knew
that this was his lucky day. By lunchtime they had the garage security
surveillance tape in police custody and several copies of it made for
evidence and by mid afternoon he knew that he was really flying. He'd
had a call from DC Dowe outside the College of Arms and Louis Judd had
located Lockhart, Corinne White's ex-boyfriend, holed up in a bed and
breakfast in Tooting Bee, not five minutes from where he lived.

"It was a stroke of luck, boss,' DC Judd called in over his radio. ' was
hanging round the betting shop, asking if anyone knew him and the bugger
walks in. He made a run for it but I got him.' Judd, standing by his
car, the radio in his hand, grinned at Ewert Lockhart in the back with
his colleague. ' got him,' he said again and, back at Crawley nick,
Lawrence threw his fist in the air.

An hour and a half latev Judd brought Lockhart into the station. ' d'you
want him, boss?"

"Let's put him in interview room two. Has he said anything on the way
in?"

"Just that he hasn't done anything, which we know."

Then why'd he disappear?' Lawrence lit a cigarette. ''s charge him."

"Charge him?"

"Yes, for the violent assault on Corinne White."

"You're joking?"

"No I'm not. He assaulted Corinne when she came to boast of her sexual
conquest of Wakes. That's what the defence are alleging so let's charge
him for it and let him worm his way out of it."

Judd looked at Lawrence. There were times when he thought Lawrence was a
genius and others when he came close to insanity.

"Charge him,' Lawrence said. Trust me, Louis! I know what I'm doing."

Another hour on, Lockhart was in the interview room protesting his
innocence for all he was worth. He'd been in there for thirty minutes
and was already beginning to crack.

"You can't charge me ' I ain't done nothing wrong!"

he snapped. He looked at his brief. They can't do this to me, they
fucking can't! I ain't done nothing!" His brief said, ''s just answer
the questions, Mr. Lockhart."

"Where were you then?' Lawrence continued. ' the morning of May the
fourteenth between the hours of three a.m. and five a. m.?"

"I told you, I was at home in bed!"

"Do you have anyone to verify this statement?"

"No of course I don't! 1 was asleep!" Lawrence sighed. ' you weren't
Ewert, you were watching telly, a film on Sky, and Cora Whitby arrived
at your place to interrupt that film about three o'clock. She was full
of herself, boasting that she'd just been laid, taunting you, and you
were furious. You were insanely jealous, you'd been drinking and you
lost it. You lost it big time, Ewert, and you laid into her. You beat
her about the face and thighs and then kicked her out. Only she didn't
take it this time, she drove to her friend who insisted that she go to
the police."

"Jesus Christ! This is bullshit! It isn't true!"

The next morning, you sober up and ring her to apologise, but she tells
you it's too late, she's already gone to the police. That's why you
disappeared, isn't it? You did a runner, scared shitless that--"

That isn't true!' Lockhart cried. ', man, where'd you get all this
shit?"

"Why have you been hiding, Ewert?" Lockhart said nothing.

"How come you disappear the day after Cora gets assaulted?" Still he
said nothing, but as he reached for a cigarette Lawrence saw that his
hands were shaking. ' disappeared because you violently assaulted Cora!'
Lawrence snapped. ' laid into her and knocked her for six! What did she
say to rile you, Ewert? That he had a bigger dick than you? Is that what
she said? That he was better at it?

Did he--" "No! No, none of it! She never said nothing like that!"

"No? Then what did she say? What did she say that made you beat the
hell--" "She never said nothing!' Ewert suddenly shouted. ' never said
nothing because 1 wasn't even there!' He stopped, looked at Lawrence,
then dropped his head in his hands After a minute or so, he said, ' was
with a woman, at her place. She's called Julie, she works for Cora, a
stripper.' He looked up. ' was there all night, she can back me up."
Lawrence looked at Judd, then said, ' Judd is leaving the room at ... "
He glanced at his watch. '... six-fifteen p.m. Check it out, Louis.
Where does she live, this Julie of yours?"

Lockhart gave the address.

"Right then, if you weren't even there, then why did you go into hiding?
You have been hiding, haven't you, Ewert?"

Lockhart nodded his head.

"For the benefit of the tape, Mr. Lockhart is nodding his head. Why,
Ewert? Tell me, 1 don't understand it."

This bloke came round Sunday morning, about eight o'clock. 1 was home,
Julie kicked me out early because her old man was due back off his
shift. He offered me seven grand to keep my mouth shut, told me that
he'd pay for a bed and breakfast, plus expenses, and all I had to do was
disappear, lay very low for three to four months, six at the most."

"But you couldn't disappear, could you, Ewert, you liked the gee-gees
too much.' Lawrence shook his head. ' else did he tell you?"

"He told me it involved Corinne, that's Cora, and that I'd be in big
shit with the police if I cocked up. That's all."

"Did he say who he was?"

"Nah."

"He never gave you a name?"

"No."

"Not even for emergencies?"

"No."

"What about these expenses?"

Lockhart went silent.

The expenses, Ewert?"

"I collected them from reception at the hotel. They were delivered by a
courier, I saw him once."

"What, a motorbike courier?"

"Yeah."

Lawrence let out a long, tense breath, then he leant forward and offered
Lockhart a cigarette, lighting one of his own at the same time. Got him,
he thought, this time we've really got him.

Daniel got off the train at Gatwick and drove straight to Thea's
cottage. He called Petula from the car and told her that he'd be out for
the evening, then he called Thea and told her he was on his way.

"I think I've cracked it,' he said. Til explain when I see you.' But to
his surprise Thea said very little in reply.

It was nearly seven by the time Daniel made it to Tanbry Cottage. He had
spent the afternoon getting Maureen Parks's tape copied, then
transcribed, and placing both in a safe deposit box at his bank in
Thea's name. As he drove up to the house, the door opened and Thea came
out.

"You all right?' Daniel climbed out of the car.

"No, no I'm not. I've had a call from my mother, this afternoon. She
said that Cora left her the night before, that she'd been really strange
recently, very withdrawn, preoccupied --just strange, and that she ...'
Thea stopped and put her hands up to her face.

Thea, what is it?' Daniel moved across and embraced her. Despite the
worry, her obvious distress, it felt better than anything had done for
weeks.

She pulled back. ' rang because she found this afternoon that her
boyfriend's gun is missing and she thinks it might be Cora."

"What? Why on earth does she think it's Cora?"

"Cora knew where the house key was apparently, he keeps a spare one in a
terra cotta pot in the garden and there was no sign of a break-in. Plus
she had gone, left a note and gone.' Thea's voice rose again in panic. '
kept talking about justice apparently, justice and retribution!

And she left a note saying she was coming home! Oh God, Daniel, I hope
she isn't going to do anything stupid! I--"

"Have you called the police?"

"I've rung Dave."

"Dave?"

"DS Lawrence. He's interviewing a suspect and I can't get hold of him."

"Won't anyone else do?"

Thea shook her head and Daniel felt a shot of envy that almost took his
breath away. ' again."

"I just have."

"What about Cora's apartment?"

"I've tried. No reply."

"Right, get in. Let's go over there and see if she's been back. Have you
got a key?"

"Yes."

"What about Tom?"

"Betty's here."

"Right, get the key and let's get going.' Thea headed for the house. '
really think this is serious, do you?' Daniel called. She looked over
her shoulder and her face had the answer. Daniel shook his head; this
was all he bloody needed! The things you do for love, he thought grimly,
and he got back in the car and started the engine.

Cora stood in the phone box across the road from the Higson Wine Bar on
the King's Road and watched the party in the window. The party with
Jason Wakes in it.

It was Friday night, eight o'clock, and, having been there since opening
time, a few of Wakes's group had started to drift away. Wakes had been
outside to use his mobile, Cora presumed to call a taxi, so she had her
car double-parked, ready, her bag and her golden treasure in the boot.

At eight-fifteen a black cab drew up and Wakes emerged from the bar,
unsteady on his feet and helped by a mate.

Cora moved out of the phone box and crossed the road.

The mate gave her the eye as she passed. She stopped for a moment,
supposedly to look for a tissue in her handbag, and heard the friend
giving directions to Wakes's weekend place in Horsham.

Cora smiled.

"He's a bit pissed, I'm afraid,' the friend said, ' here, take his
wallet and help yourself to whatever he owes you.

He should sober up by the time you get there."

The driver took the wallet and got out to help Wakes into the cab. Then
he got back in and indicated to pull out with Wakes slumped on the back
seat.

"Stupid prat,' the friend said to Cora as she turned to recross the road
to her car. She smiled at him. Yeah, she thought, stupid prat. She
climbed into her car, started the engine and headed off towards Putney
and the A3.

Stupid dead prat, she thought and then, for the first time in months,
she laughed.

Cora's flat in Chichester was as deserted as the last time Thea had been
there. Thea took a brief look round, then went back down to Daniel in
the car.

"Nothing. She's not been there. Any luck with DS Lawrence?"

"He's still unavailable."

Thea climbed in and looked at Daniel. ' police station?' he asked. She
nodded and he shifted the car into reverse and turned it round. "I don't
know why I'm doing this,' he said, making a half-hearted attempt to
lighten the atmosphere.

Thea put her hand on his arm. ' you do,' she said. At that moment he
would have driven her to the moon and back if she'd asked.

DS Lawrence was on the phone when he got the message from the duty
sergeant. He glanced at it, carried on with his call, then on  replacing
the receiver, stood to go downstairs.

"Any luck, Cath?"

"No, but I'm only half-way through.' She was ringing round every courier
company in London.

"Good girl, keep at it."

He stepped out into the corridor.

"Ah, Louis! You there yet with Lockhart?"

"Not yet, boss.' He was working with a police artist to come up with a
photofit of the man who'd approached him.

"OK. Look, I'm downstairs with Mrs. Marshall, she wants to see me
apparently. Let me know when you've got it, OK?"

"Right."

Lawrence carried on down to reception. He saw Thea through the glass
doors and felt that immediate attraction again. She was on her own;
Daniel had thought it safer to stay in his car.

"Hello, Thea."

She turned and he was caught by the distress on her face. ' God, Thea,
are you all right?"

She shook her head. ' left France yesterday and we think she left with a
shotgun. There's one missing from the place she was--"

"Boss?"

Lawrence turned. It was Louis Judd. ', we've had an emergency call come
in, the CAD room passed it straight on to me, it's from Wakes's place in
Horsham Thea gasped.

"He reported a break-in but the line was cut off."

Lawrence didn't hesitate. ' we answered the call?"

"Yes, they're on their way now, we--"

"Armed back-up,' Lawrence said. ' it organised, Louis, we might need it.
Thea, you stay--" "No!' Thea interrupted. ', I can't stay, I've got to
come with you. Cora might be distressed, she might need me."

Lawrence looked briefly at her and made a snap decision; something he
was famous for. '. Let's go. Louis, we'll meet you outside in a couple
of minutes, yeah?"

DC Judd nodded and disappeared back into the station.

Moments later they were out of the door.

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Jason Wakes was slumped on the floor. He cowered, sweating and shaking,
hugging his knees and murmuring something Cora couldn't hear. He was
pathetic; Cora despised him. Behind him she had blown a hole in the
plasterboard wall the size of a dinner plate, surprised at the force of
the shotgun. She could see through to the next room and she thought: One
shot and I'll plaster his brains all over the wall. Wakes began to
whimper.

"Shut up!' Cora snapped. She was sorting through his ties, choosing the
best and the most expensive. She had three already, she just needed a
fourth and then she was ready.

She found it, a red and blue silk Hermes, and smiled.

"Get up,' she said.

Wakes scrambled to his feet, holding on to the wall for support. He'd
wet himself when she'd fired the gun and his hand-made Prince of Wales
check suit had a damp stain around the crotch.

"Get on to the bed,' Cora ordered, ' lie down."

Wakes stared at her. ''re you going to do?"

Cora bent to pick up the ties. She fingered them lightly in her hands,
then looked at him. ' you,' she said. Wakes began to cry. ' on the bed!'
Cora shouted. Wakes jerked forward and climbed on, his body shaking so
much that he had little control over his limbs. ' down,' Cora said. He
did, and she watched the water-filled mattress move under the weight of
his body.

She moved to his legs, took hold of one ankle and tied it with the silk
tie to the corner of the bed frame. She did the same to the other one,
then moved up to his head and took one wrist, tying that and twisting
the tie so that it hurt.

Wakes cried out and Cora smiled again. Moments later he was secure.

Cora walked across to the window and looked out. She held the gun close
to her chest, almost caressing it, and saw the flashing blue light from
some distance as it moved towards the house. It comforted her, brought
her closer to what she had to do. She hadn't ever thought she'd get away
with it but she had always known that she'd do it.

"Please,' Wakes cried out. ', Corinne, I'll do anything, anything,
please ... "

He had totally lost control and Cora's anger was so sudden and violent
that she wanted to turn and smack him across the face with the gun. She
moved forward, gun raised high and stopped herself within seconds. '
up!' she shouted. ' shut up or I'll kill you now!"

Wakes clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes.

Cora turned away from the window and began to pace the floor.

Lawrence's car arrived minutes after the patrol car. The two uniformed
officers were already in the process of cordoning off the area having
been radioed to wait for armed backup.

"Any sign of movement?' Lawrence asked, climbing out of the car.

"No, nothing. The front door's been forced, it's still open but there's
no noise, no movement."

"Right. Once you've blocked off the area move this vehicle out of here
and stay behind the lines, OK?"

Thea had also climbed out of the car and was looking up at the house.
Her whole body ached with fear but she knew what she had to do. If Cora
was going to stand any sort of chance, she knew exactly what she had to
do.

Daniel drove like a maniac. Sitting outside Crawley station, he'd
watched a patrol car leave, lights flashing, and then seen Thea get into
an unmarked car with Lawrence and follow it. He hadn't given it another
thought. He'd shifted into gear and set off in pursuit. Driving at
eighty m. p.h., he'd broken every traffic law in the book keeping up
with Lawrence, but somehow that just didn't enter his head.

Wherever Thea was going he was going too; whatever danger she was going
into, she wasn't going into it without him.

Thea waited for her chance. She was back behind the lines listening to
Lawrence talking to Cora with the megaphone when she saw Daniel's car.
He came haring up the road, his hazard lights flashing, and screeched to
a halt behind the patrol car. Lawrence turned, as did both the uniformed
officers. ' the fuck?' Thea ran for it.

Daniel was the only one to see her go. Flinging the door of the car
open, he jumped out and ran after her.

"What the fucking hell are you doing?' Lawrence shouted.

"Get the fuck out of--' He broke off and slammed the megaphone to the
floor. ' Christ!' One of the uniformed officers ran forward but Lawrence
stopped him. ' it!"

he snapped. He turned to the officer. ''ve got to wait for back-up!' And
saying that, he slumped against the car.

"Cora?' Thea was inside the house when Daniel caught her from behind.
She let out a short cry and then, seeing it was him, fell against him
for a moment and he held her, as tight as he could. She pulled back.

"What the hell are you--"

Tm the only one she's got,' Thea said quickly. ' had to."

"But she's unbalanced, God knows what she might do."

"Not to me, she won't do anything to me. She trusts me."

Thea turned and headed on through the house. '?' she called as she went.
'!"

She stopped as they heard a muffled scream.

"Upstairs,' Daniel said. ''s in the bedroom.' He ran towards the stairs
and Thea ran after him.

"Cora!' They both stood by the door of the main bedroom - the only one
shut -- and Thea put her face up against the highly glossed wood. ',
it's me. Open the door, please.

Open the door and talk to me."

There was a silence but they could hear whimpering and Thea found
herself silently praying that they weren't too late.

"Cora, please, open the door, 1 want to talk to you."

Again there was a silence, then from the other side of the door, Cora
said, ''s the point?"

Thea let out a breath. An answer, and she'd moved to the door.

"Listen to me, Cora,' Thea said. ' mustn't do anything.

Please, you must stay calm. Something's already happened, there've been
developments with your case and ...' Thea suddenly found herself
faltering. She was scared, her nerve was failing her and she just wanted
to weep. '?' she whispered, ', please don't ... "

"Cora?' Daniel put his mouth close to the door. ' name is Daniel Elhs,
Cora, I'm a barrister and I've been looking into your case. I've found a
few things out, I've found out that Jason Wakes has done this before, he
raped another girl, her name was Kate, only no one has ever found out
about it, Cora, because Kate has been too frightened to come forward.
She was terrified, Cora, just like you've been, but not any more. She's
going to the police, Cora, she's been encouraged by you, by your story
and your bravery and she's going to the police. He won't get away with
it, Cora, not with your rape or--"

"It's a lie!' Wakes suddenly screamed out. ''s a fucking lie, Ellis, and
you know it!"

"Shut up!' Cora shouted.

Thea closed her eyes and murmured a prayer over and over, under her
breath.

"It's not a lie, Cora,' Daniel said gently, ' I can tell you something
else: he's been bribing people, or at least his father has, to keep
quiet about it, he's been--"

"I never!' Wakes cried out. ' never did anything, I never touched Cora
raised the gun. Wakes began to sob as she walked away from the door, the
gun aimed at his groin.

"Oh God no, please God, don't, oh God, please God, oh God, dear God ...
NO!"

She fired.

There was the massive sound of a gunshot, it seemed to explode out of
the room and Daniel hurled himself at the door. He fell through it and
ran at Cora, knocking her to the ground. As he hit it a torrent of water
washed over him and he had to struggle to breathe. ' ... Cora, are you
... "

Thea ran into the room and gallons of water poured over her feet,
knocking her off balance and flooding down towards the stairs. She
grabbed the wall and stared down, momentarily confused, then she turned
to the bed. She saw Wakes. A huge hole had been blown out of the water
bed between his legs and he was crying, straining at the arms and legs
to get free.

"Are you--?' She stopped; he was intact and she turned away. '?' Cora
was with Daniel, he was cradling her like a child and she was crying,
great noisy sobs racking her body. Thea knelt by them and gently Daniel
eased Cora towards her friend, freeing himself and getting to his feet.
He headed towards the door with no time to waste.

"You won't get away with this, Ellis!' Wakes shouted from the bed. Til
have you disbarred, you bastard! And I'll get that bitch, I'll--"

Daniel knew the police were on their way in, but he couldn't leave it.
He darted back to Wakes and put his face an inch from Jason's. That is
the last threat you will ever make, Mr. Wakes,' he said coolly. ' will
not "get"

Cora because she has got you. It's over, Jason, she'll get a suspended
sentence for an illegal firearm and you'll get fifteen years, possibly
more if I know the judge. And as for me, you won't get me disbarred,
young man, because I wasn't here.' He stood up. ' I, Thea? Cora?"

Thea glanced up and shook her head. And as footsteps came running into
the hall, he turned and walked away.

"Daniel?' Thea called. ', wait!' She left Cora for a moment and ran
after him. ', can I see you, I mean, tonight, in the drive? Will you
call for me, throw stones up at the window ... "

"No,' he said. There was no going back for him. Thea looked at his face
and saw that. She closed her eyes and in that moment she felt as if
she'd lost everything.

"But you can come to the beach,' he said, ' me and Petula and the boys
and you can bring Tom and Cora, if she's up to it. Tomorrow, at eleven,
beach hut number twenty-seven at West Wittering."

She had opened her eyes and the tears in them spilt out and ran down her
face.

"I love you,' he said. ''s time to move on, Thea.' And with that, he
walked out, past Lawrence and his armed backup, down the stairs and out
of the house. There was a move to stop him but Lawrence intervened. He
had a hunch about that man, he didn't know what it was but something
told Lawrence that it was best to let him go. Perhaps it was a bad
decision but he doubted it.

After all, today was his lucky day.