Magick

My Thanks

To Judith, for seeing the magick in this story and giving the push to make it real;

And to Mom, for a lifetime of love, support, and friendship.

CHAPTER ONE

A shriek pierced the flame-lit night - the final cry of a creature in torment.

A man's body lay limp across the rough stone altar. Blood obscured much of what had been done to him - so much blood!

A naked man, his lean, aroused body covered with grotesque tattoos, bent to press his face into the gaping wounds. A gasp, quickly stifled, came from the shadows beyond the fire.

The Priest raised his head at last, blood dripping from his mouth. He gestured, and the fire roared. Flames danced higher and brighter until the fir trees ringing the clearing were no longer lost in shadows.

Voices full of wonder greeted the display.

"Silence!"

Only the fire defied him.

"Which of you is brave enough to undertake a sacred mission? A mission of danger. A mission that will lead to triumph for the Queen!"

A woman's faint and trembling voice broke the silence. "I will undertake the mission, Master. I live only to serve you."

The Priest's laughter rang out. "You all live to serve me! Cowards! Be gone before I strike you all dead!" The clearing emptied in a rush of footsteps, leaving only one woman.

"Come closer."

The woman edged forward, stopping a few feet from the fire. She swallowed hard and her whole body shook.

"You hesitate. Do you fear me?"

Her mouth opened. Closed. Opened again, but no sound emerged.

He gestured and the flames licked at her. She recoiled.

Another gesture. "Come to me!"

She shrieked as her body flew straight up and over the top of the fire. She hung suspended over the altar with its grisly adornment.

"Servant, there is one with special powers, powers not yet trained or controlled. The Queen bids us to ensure that those powers not be allowed to fall into the hands of the Council. I bestow upon you a name of much importance - you are now the Seeker. Find this person!"

"But, Master, how can I?"

"You annoy me with details!" he roared. "Do you wish to become a sacrifice?"

She bowed her head. "Oh, no, Master. I wish to please you in all ways." She shrieked again as she fell onto the altar.

"For now, you may please me this way." He draped her body face-down across the altar in front of him - on top of the bloody corpse - and thrust brutally into her.

**

Dee woke, panting and sweating. She glanced around the dark room, relieved to discover she was alone and in her own bedroom. What an awful dream!

Except it wouldn't be her bedroom tomorrow. The movers were coming in the morning, and she'd be in that cruddy apartment in Beaverton by noon. She'd miss this house.

"Mr. Bill, where are you?" she called softly.

The sixteen-pound black-and-white cat strolled into the room. "Mao!"

Dee heard the accusation in his tone and quickly said, "I know, sweetie, I disturbed your sleep. I'm really sorry." She held out her arm, needing comfort. Mr. Bill, as always, was ready to give it. He hopped onto the bed and positioned himself just right for sleep.

She shivered, the dream still sticking in her brain like it was a scene she'd witnessed in person. She hadn't, of course. She'd just imagined it - just like she'd imagined the things in those other dreams.

It had simply been a coincidence that Mr. Mickelson's plane crashed right after she'd dreamed about it happening.

**

"Winston, sweetie - this place is a dump!"

"Damn," he whispered under his breath, setting the box down in the middle of the living room. Why did she have to race over here before he'd even finished moving in? "Hi, Mom. And remember - it's Win."

"Whatever you say, dear." Until next time, when she'd probably call him Winston again. "This apartment is still a dump - I don't see what your grandfather could be thinking of, sending you some place like this. The floor plan is completely out-of- date, and if they've replaced the carpet this decade, I'd be amazed."

"I'm not here because of the floor plan," he reminded her. "And close the door, will ya?" Having his new neighbor overhear why he was here would really mess things up.

Instead of pursuing the conversation after closing the door, she wandered around the room with an intense expression he recognized - real estate whiz Debbie Sayre in action. Shifting into sell-the-prospects mode, she said, "You could really brighten up the place with the right curtains and a fresh paint job. Plus, it's convenient to Washington Square..." She looked around some more - if she was searching for more positives to point out, this visit might last all day.

She frowned again. "In any case, I don't understand why your grandfather doesn't just have you live at home - we're only a few miles away."

Oh, yeah. Living at home would be so much fun, what with Mom wanting to know every tiny detail of his life and Dad giving him that you've-disappointed-me scowl all the time. "Because I need to be here. That's my assignment, and besides, it's not Grandpa who sent me here. The Council decides things like this."

She frowned prettily, and for the first time he noticed that she was carrying a big plastic container of cookies. His mouth watered - it had been months since he'd had her wonderful chocolate chip cookies.

Mom asked, "So, what's your big assignment, and why do you have to be here to do it?"

There was never any point in refusing to answer her - she was relentless in her questioning, and he could be sure she wouldn't pass on anything he told her. How could she? Dad refused to listen to anything related to the Balance, and none of her friends or colleagues would believe the truth.

He gestured at the wall between apartments. "It's my neighbor. I'm here to protect her."

"What's she like?" she asked, an unmistakable match-making gleam in her eye.

"I've only been here an hour, Mom!" And he was sweaty from the move - what kind of justice was there in a day in late March being sunny and over 70 degrees? This was not the time to be introducing himself to Diana Plaas.

"No time like the present," Mom said - one of her favorite sayings when he and Su had been growing up. He'd always hated it. "Luckily, I baked lots of cookies..." Her voice trailed off as she seemed to notice the state of his kitchen - full of packed boxes. "Well, I'm sure that this new friend of yours will have something to put your share of cookies in."

What? Mom was going to give away his cookies?

**

Dee stared at the door, not sure that someone had knocked until she heard the sound again. Who could it be?

Probably a door-to-door salesperson. She hadn't met any neighbors, and none of her former friends knew where she'd moved. Not that they would have cared - they hadn't really cared about her in the first place - but she'd be ashamed for them to see her living here.

Mr. Bill slinked into the bedroom, furry belly nearly dragging on the yucky orangey carpet. That made it official - someone was at her door.

She opened the door nearly all the way, then realized that wasn't smart in this neighborhood. She might not have many possessions, but that wasn't all an intruder could be after.

The woman's broad smile nearly blinded her. "Hello there! I'm Debbie Sayre, and my son is your new neighbor!"

No! It couldn't be! It was, though - the green blazer with shiny gold buttons and that perky, perky face and thrilled-with-life grin proved it. But maybe, just maybe, Debbie wouldn't recognize her. Dee certainly looked vastly different now - no longer an awed-by-her-new- husband newlywed with clothes from all the right stores. Besides, Barry had been the one Debbie had concentrated on pleasing. Something as crucial as selecting the right house had been worthy of his attention.

Debbie's smile suddenly faltered and she said, "I know you! You're Mrs. -" The smile died completely, and Dee knew she remembered everything. "Mrs. Mickelson. I'm so sorry - it was such a tragedy. Your husband, and his father..."

She nodded. "Yes. Yes, it was." Bouncy Debbie Sayre had no idea how tragic.

For once, Debbie didn't seem to know what to say. Dee seized the opportunity. "If you'll excuse me..." She started to push the door shut.

"Here - have some cookies," Debbie managed, shoving a plastic container into her hands at the last possible second.

Cookies? She was giving Dee cookies? Couldn't the perfect plastic bitch see? Did she want Dee to gain another ten pounds?

But then, what did it matter, anyway? Mr. Bill still loved her, and he was the only male who mattered.

**

The cookie container was in front of Win's apartment door when he came upstairs lugging the last box. It still looked full, and that was a surprise. Not to be rude, but the brief glimpse he'd had of Diana hadn't made him think she'd turn down homemade cookies.

It hadn't made her seem likely to be the widow of one of the up-and-coming young businessmen in town, either, yet that was exactly what Mom said she was. Had been, he guessed was more accurate. He didn't really recognize the name Mickelson, but he did have a vague memory of the accident Mom described.

They'd died in early January, and it was only late March now. What had happened in the intervening two months? Shouldn't Diana be a rich widow, living in luxury?

**

Knock-knock. Dee looked at the door in horror. That awful Debbie Sayre wasn't here again, was she? No, it wouldn't be her. Dee had heard her leave close to an hour ago.

As Mr. Bill disappeared into the bedroom, she opened the door a few inches. The most gorgeous man in the universe was standing there. He smiled at her - at her, not just in her direction. "Hi, Diana. I'm sorry about my mom earlier, but that's the way she is sometimes."

"That's okay. You're my new neighbor?"

He nodded, and she found herself staring at him. He wasn't particularly tall, so she didn't have to tilt her head up like she had with Barry. He was lean and fit, and his face was just on the masculine side of beautiful. Even his hair was gorgeous - thick waves of rich chestnut hair that would be heaven to run her fingers through. And his eyes were a wonderfully smoky shade of gray that made him seem brilliant and deep and intense. But her fingers would never get anywhere near his hair, she reminded herself, and he was probably stupid and shallow.

"I'm Win Sayre," he said.

"I'm Dee Plaas." Should she explain about her name? Debbie had undoubtedly told him she was Diana Mickelson. No. No explanations. It wasn't like the guy really cared - he was simply being polite. Debbie had probably trained him from birth in the art of making people think they mattered to him. Barry had treated her like that at first, before he'd gotten bored with the pretense.

"Have you lived here long?" he asked.

"Just a few days." It was the truth, but she would have lied about it if she thought it might make him go away any sooner. There was something about him that made her nervous, and she didn't think it was simply his astonishing good looks. It was like he really saw the things he looked at. Of course, the difference could be that he was looking right at her instead of off to the side somewhere as virtually everyone else did.

She took a step back from the door and said, "Look, thanks for stopping by to introduce yourself, but you're busy, and so am I. I'll see you around." She gave the door a slight push, hoping he'd get the idea before she had to slam it in his face.

He put his hand on the other side of the door to hold it open. "You gave back all the cookies. Don't you want some? They're great."

"You eat them, then."

He clearly wasn't used to being brushed off. He tried again. "It's dinnertime, and I don't know the area. Show me a good place to eat, and I'll buy."

He smiled, and she had to hand it to him. His smile appeared more sincere than Debbie's, and Debbie had undoubtedly practiced hers for more years than this guy had been alive.

Dee looked him straight in the eye. "Let me make something clear right now. I may look like a pathetic excuse for a human being, and maybe I even feel like it sometimes. I don't need your charity, though - nor will I accept it. Just go away and leave me alone, okay?"

She didn't wait to see if that was okay with Win. She gave the door a hard shove, and when it was firmly closed, she snapped the flimsy deadbolt into place.

Win Sayre might look like her wildest fantasy come to life, but Dee knew all too well what had happened the last time she bought into a fantasy. It had turned into a nightmare she had yet to escape.

**

The cabin was lit only by a roaring fire. The Priest reclined on a bare mattress, stained in many places. The Seeker knelt inches from his mud-caked boots.

"I have found the one you seek, Master."

"Excellent! Tell me more."

"This person lives in Beaverton, Master. It is as you say - the powers are uncontrolled and strong. Very strong."

"We act tonight, then. Do you wish the honor of preparing the sacrifice?"

"The sacrifice, Master?" she asked. "The one I have found is to be a sacrifice?"

He shoved her aside as he stood, then moved to a table full of knives and began to sharpen a small one. "Not simply a sacrifice, Seeker. The sacrifice. The Queen herself bids us to do this! Do you question the Queen?"

"Oh, no! Master, I would never question the Queen!" Her voice quavered as she prostrated herself at his feet again.

"See that you don't." He raised her to a kneeling position, bent her head back, and used her bare white neck to test the sharpness of his blade.

**

Dee struggled awake, part of her expecting a knife to slice into her fragile flesh any second.

But there were no knives here. Only the twisted covers she was huddled under. And, of course, Mr. Bill.

Why was she dreaming about that horrible tattooed man again? And why all the knives?

She hoped that these dreams were simply a product of stress and worry. If they weren't, some poor person in Beaverton was in big trouble.

She would have had an easier time going back to sleep if she herself wasn't living in Beaverton.

**

Something evil was out there - outside the protective circle he'd cast around his apartment and Diana's. It had brushed against the circle earlier, and the merest tinge of its power had jolted through his body. Whatever it was, it was powerful.

And if it hadn't been for Win and his power, it would have Diana by now. He poured more power into the magick circle, reinforcing it in case the evil thing made an all-out do-or-die assault on it.

But it didn't. After an interminable length of time, it went away, and the circle still held. He was stronger than the evil!

He was thankful now for the endless hours of practice he'd put in. The tasks Grandpa had assigned him had often seemed designed more to make him give up in frustrated exhaustion than to teach him skills he'd need in the future.

He knew better now. He was sworn to uphold the Balance. The power he could summon and direct was all that stood between him and failure.

**

Dee saw the woman look around the busy bookstore café, then head toward her table. The woman's all-black attire - and was that a tattoo on her ring finger? - made Dee nervous.

"Excuse me - could I sit here for just a minute?"

All the other tables were full, so Dee couldn't refuse. "Sure. I'll be leaving in a minute."

Actually, she wasn't due back at the accountant's office for half an hour.

Yes, it was a tattoo! That must have hurt. It was strangely attractive, though. The woman also had a large bandage that peeked out from her neckline. Had she had surgery recently?

The woman clunked a stack of books on the table, pulled out the other chair, and sat down. Then she started digging through her massive purse. "Thanks. I never can manage to hold onto books and look through my purse at the same time."

Dee finished her coffee, but the woman seemed to be completely ignoring her now, so she didn't get up. She would review what she wanted to tell Mr. Templeton in the meantime. Her interview with his assistant earlier had gone okay, but Mr. Templeton was the one who'd make the decision. She listed in her mind the various software packages she'd used and the types of reports she'd prepared. Really, she was likely to be the best-qualified person they'd find for the wages they were offering.

The woman continued to ignore her, and Dee couldn't keep her eyes away from the books any longer. She loved books, and couldn't wait for the day when she could buy that many books at one time again.

The title of the top book made Dee catch her breath - How to Foresee the Future.

The woman must have seen her looking at the book. She said, "Look, I know you probably think seeing the future's all a bunch of hooey. I did, too, until -" She shook her head. "Well, it's a long story."

Suddenly, Dee didn't feel quite as alone. "No. I know it's real." Where had those words come from? She didn't believe her dreams foretold the future. Or maybe she did, and just hadn't admitted it before. "I wish it wasn't."

The woman stared at her in amazement. "But why? The future's going to happen - if you know about it ahead of time, you can be prepared."

She remembered seeing Mr. Mickelson's plane crash in her dream. "There are some things you can't prepare for," she said flatly and got to her feet.

The woman caught up with her as she reached the door. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But please, let me give you this number - it's for this study group I'm in, and if you really want to stop seeing the future, I'm sure the leader could help." She pressed a card into her hand. "My name's Callie, by the way."

Callie was watching when Dee passed the nearest trash can, so the card got stuffed in her purse. That didn't mean Dee would ever make the call.

Because she wouldn't. Making the call would mean she believed this stupid dream thing was real.

**

Win had blown it. Diana was gone, and he had no idea where.

The problem was that he'd stayed awake until close to dawn keeping the magick circle strong. Once he'd been sure the evil thing had left, he'd gone to sleep, trusting that the circle would keep them both safe.

The magick circle was broken now, something he would normally have felt happen. Evil hadn't breached the circle - that would have created enough commotion to wake him. Almost certainly, Diana had simply left her apartment on her own.

But that didn't mean she was safe. Once she was outside the circle, she was no longer under his protection. She could be taken or killed. Every minute was dangerous. He had to find her!

He sat on the couch, closed his eyes, and drew all his awareness inward. When he was ready, he stepped out of his body and hovered in the living room. His body remained on the couch, still breathing but motionless.

With practiced and economical movements, he cast a new protective circle around his apartment. His body wouldn't be able to protect itself while he was astrally walking, and if his body was harmed, he'd have nowhere to return.

This next step was the tricky part. He could astrally travel anywhere in an instant, but he needed to visualize where he wanted to go. Normally, he just pictured the place, if it was one he'd been to, or imagined traveling there, if it wasn't.

The problem was that he had no idea where Diana had gone, nor what she was doing. That wasn't a problem with someone he knew well - someone like his sister, Su. He could simply hold an image of her in his mind and tell himself to go to her. Unfortunately, he barely knew Diana.

That method was his only choice, however. He called up every detail he could remember of what she'd looked like yesterday.

Her hair was blonde - not that pale color that kids sometimes had, but not brownish at all, either. He guessed it was long, but she'd had it yanked back and plastered to her head, so he couldn't really tell. Big glasses with thick lenses had totally obscured the color of her eyes. Her skin was pale and somewhat blotchy and not very healthy-looking. And she'd been wearing a gigantic navy blue sweat suit - it had been large on her, but that had only emphasized the excess weight she was carrying.

But all those were physical details. The right way to do this was to include the whole person - their personality, their attitudes, their emotions - everything. So, what had he observed?

Well, she'd sounded really negative about herself - saying she was a pathetic excuse for a human being and all. But she was no doormat. Even though she didn't seem to like herself, she basically insisted that she had as much right to live as anybody else.

Okay, that was better. Her image was clear enough in his mind that he should be able to find her. So he reached out for her - and there she was. Instantaneously, he was in a car, and she was climbing into the driver's seat. He looked around. They were in a strip mall parking lot. A glance at her showed that she was somewhat dressed up in nice slacks and a blazer - she must have had some sort of appointment today.

He'd found her, and she was perfectly all right! Before he so much as took a deep breath, he saw that she was looking right at him. It was clear that she saw him, too - quite a rare talent. He wished he could tell her that he was there to protect her, but while in his astral body, he couldn't speak.

She glared at him and poked a finger into where his stomach would be, if his physical body was here. "Go away!"

And suddenly, he was back in his body, in his apartment.

How had that happened?

CHAPTER TWO

That evening, as so often since Barry died, Brent called. It was a nice change to have something positive to tell him. "I don't know for sure yet, but Mr. Templeton said he'd call on Monday."

"He'd be an idiot not to hire you - you've got great office skills," Brent said. "If I wasn't having to let people go, I'd hire you."

"I know you would." This was an awkward part of any conversation with Brent these days. He felt guilty about how things had turned out, and none of it was his fault. "Don't feel bad - you've done more than your share to help. Just because Barry was your brother doesn't mean you're responsible for taking care of me."

"Maybe not, but I feel bad that you didn't get to keep the house - or Barry's Porsche."

"Come on, Brent! What would I do with a Porsche?" Especially living here - but she didn't say that. It would only provoke more guilt in Brent.

"Well, something more from the house, then. You were too generous."

She sighed. "No, I wasn't. I took what I needed or really wanted. I don't need all that many possessions - I've never been that way. Besides, I was glad to let your mom sell most everything. Barry and your dad left a big mess at work, and you need the cash to keep going."

"That's for sure," he said, and she knew the worry line in the middle of his forehead was more pronounced than ever. He'd aged at least ten years in the three months since the plane crash. "We're still losing business - not that I can blame companies for not sticking with us. I don't know what I'm doing and Mom's selling everything she can get her hands on to keep us going."

"Don't say that you don't know what you're doing! You're doing everything that can be done, and it won't be your fault if it doesn't work." She hated to mention that possibility, but she wanted him to see her point. "Your dad and Barry left you in an impossible situation. I know they didn't intend to die together like that, but the least they could have done was keep up the payments on their life insurance!"

He laughed. "Good for you, Dee. It sounds like you're finally getting good and mad at Barry."

"I am," she said, nodding to herself. "I won't let anyone take over my life the way he did, not ever again. But what I'm saying is that you should be mad, too. They totally messed up your life, just like Barry messed up mine. That's wrong."

It wasn't like she thought she was anything special. Her nickname in school had been D+, after all - the kids said she was a loser, but too dull and boring to completely fail.

Still, her life was hers, and if anyone was going to mess it up, she should be the one to do it.

**

The Priest stood behind the altar. Tree branches swayed in the wind, and the fire's flames danced. "Is there one here tonight who wishes to be initiated?"

A woman called out boldly, "Yes, Master. I do."

"Then come forward."

She strutted toward him, her breasts proudly displayed. She stopped short of the fire. "I wish to be your Servant, Master. I swear I will please you." After a pause, she added, "The Queen, too, of course."

His face hardened into a mask of disdain. "You think to please me with your lush body. I am not weak. I will not forget who is Master and who is Servant - you will be the Servant, and you will serve as I command."

She lowered her eyes, a smirk playing around her lips. "Yes, Master. I will be yours to command."

He gestured, and a knife rose in the air from the altar and floated across the fire to where she stood. "Take the knife, woman."

Her hand closed around it gingerly.

"My Servants all bear marks. You will make the first mark - the mark that shows you are mine." He pointed at one of the others. "Come forward and show her what to do."

A man joined her by the fire. He took the knife from her unresisting hand and pantomimed slashing his left arm from shoulder to elbow. He bore a scar there.

"You want me to cut myself?" she demanded.

The Priest gestured and the fire flared up. The Initiate jumped back several inches. "You say you want to be my Servant. If you are unwilling to do this, you are fit only to be a sacrifice."

The Initiate gulped. "I didn't know -" She turned slightly, as though to run.

The man with the knife grabbed her. When she struggled, another man held her fast.

The Priest pointed at the Seeker. "Help her make the first mark."

The Seeker came forward and forced the knife into the Initiate's hand. Guiding the Initiate's hand like she would a child's, the Seeker slashed the Initiate's arm open.

The Initiate shrieked, then pitched forward, nearly falling into the fire. The men held her erect.

The Priest waited until the first wave of the Initiate's shock passed. "Bring her to me."

The Initiate moved willingly, seeming to think her ordeal was over. Blood ran down her arm and onto the ground. When they reached the altar, the men draped her across it and held her there.

She looked at the men holding her first, then at the Priest. "What - ?"

"My Servants bear two marks," he told her. To the Seeker, he said, "Bring the second mark."

The Seeker went to the fire, removed a length of metal, and took it to the Priest. She joined the two men in holding the Initiate firmly in place.

The Priest raised the hot metal into the air. "The second mark is that of the Queen."

He pressed the brand firmly into the top of the Initiate's left breast.

**

A sound penetrated his sleep. Win shot to his feet. Was Diana leaving her apartment? He had to follow her!

He heard the sound again. Oh. It was his cell phone, not the exit alarm he'd put on her door after the fiasco yesterday. He grabbed it off the bedside table. "Hello?"

"Hi there, handsome."

Oh, Goddess. Just hearing Tanissa's voice was enough to - well, forget what it was enough to do. He was on assignment. "Hi, Tanissa."

"That's not a very enthusiastic greeting."

He hated women pouting to get their way, but not all of his body agreed with that assessment.

"And here I was all excited when I heard about you being in Beaverton. I figured it's the weekend, so we'd have plenty of time to get together and have a good time..." Her voice trailed off, trusting his memory to fill in the blanks of what that good time might include.

His memory was great - unfortunately.

Until recently, Tanissa had been in training at the Stronghold, so he could be honest about the situation. "I'm here on assignment, Tanissa. As much as I'd like to see you, I'm busy." His assignment was both real and important.

"The mean old Council's not working you 24/7, is it?"

"Pretty much. I'm guarding someone." That was all he could say on the subject.

"Oh, poor baby! I know how you get when you go all out like that. You really need my help in unwinding."

She was right. When he used his powers a lot, rest and refueling with food weren't really enough to get him back to full strength. He needed - something he was simply going to have to do without. "I really can't, Tanissa. I need to be here all the time."

"Well, I like that!"

He'd pissed her off now - no big surprise. Tanissa liked things her way.

"It's not like you're the only guy in town, you know. You'll be sorry when you lie there in bed tonight, all by your lonesome, all worn out from saving the world. Be sure to think about what a good time I'm having!"

Oh, he would. He'd guarantee it. He started to disconnect, then realized it didn't sound like she'd hung up. "Are you still there?" he asked.

She didn't answer for a few seconds, and when she did, her voice was shaky. "Yeah, I'm here." Another, longer pause, then she said, "Look, the truth is that I need some help, and I don't have anybody else to ask."

Crystals of ice formed in his gut. "What kind of help?"

"Nothing major..." Her voice regained some strength and he started to breathe. "Just - I went with the wrong guy last night, and now I'm stuck way out in the middle of nowhere with no money or anything. I wouldn't even be able to call you, except this lady gave me a ride to the convenience store and enough change for a call." She paused for a second, like she was building up her nerve, and then the words tumbled out. "I know you said you had to stay there, but could you please come pick me up? It'd only take half an hour - forty-five minutes, tops, and I promise I'll never ever bother you again."

"I can't, Tanissa. I'm stuck here. But how about if I call a cab for you?"

"I told you - I don't have any money! Not even back at the apartment - I'm living on tip money, and the guys who come in to the bar are mostly a bunch of cheapskates."

"I'll have them charge it to my card."

She didn't answer for a couple of seconds, and he started to relax. Much more quietly, she said, "There's another reason I called you, Win. I - this guy I was with - well, I need some Healing."

The ice pellets solidified. "You need Healing?"

Her voice got smaller yet. "Yeah. I guess I knew he was kind of kinky, but I didn't think..."

Ice and fire mixed now, and a portion of it turned into power he longed to use on the man who'd hurt Tanissa. "How bad is it?"

She laughed weakly. "I'll live, if that's what you're asking. And maybe I'd be okay without you doing anything, but it hurts and I lost some blood..."

"Tell me where you are," he demanded. The pictures his imagination was creating were too awful to ignore. He pulled on clothes while she told him. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

When he hung up, he took a few minutes to feed more power into the magick circle. It wouldn't be as strong without him inside, but it was the best he could do. Besides, it was still early on Saturday morning. Diana would be safe while he was gone.

**

Dee's head ached with a dull fuzziness that nothing except sleep would fix. At the same time, another part of her brain was spinning, and she knew she couldn't sleep.

She wouldn't dare, for one thing. She might have another of those awful dreams about the tattooed man. Every one was sicker than the last. Other people didn't dream about blood and knives and brutal sex, did they? Maybe the dreams were a sign that the stress of her situation was getting to her. On the other hand, maybe she was going crazy.

She wandered around her apartment, wishing she had something pleasant to think about, not able to tolerate the incessant blare of TV. She made a pot of coffee and almost talked herself into thinking she'd feel better if she went to the store and bought some cinnamon rolls.

But then she'd eat the whole package. And instead of having a headache from too little sleep, she'd have one from too much sugar. She'd have gained nothing except weight - and she couldn't afford that. Not many of the nice clothes she'd bought while married still fit, and it would be quite a while before she could buy new ones.

She drank her coffee - black - at her butcher block table. Barry had picked out virtually all their furniture, but this one table, and the chairs that went with it, had been her choice. It was really too big for this apartment, but she hadn't been able to let Mrs. Mickelson sell it.

She was still slumped at the table when someone knocked loudly on her door. Her heart took off at a dead run - what if that awful tattooed man from her dreams had found her?

She shook off her panic. The tattooed man wasn't a real person! He probably represented - well, she wasn't sure what he represented, but he only existed in her dreams.

It was probably Win at the door. She hadn't seen him since Thursday afternoon, but he'd seemed determined to strike up a friendship with her. Why, she couldn't guess, but he wasn't the type to give up on something he wanted.

What a rotten time for Win to bother her! She looked worse than usual, if that was possible. If he started in with that friendly act, she was frazzled enough from that dream that she might just believe him.

She opened the door a few inches, then stared. It wasn't Win. It was Callie, the woman from the bookstore.

"How did you find me?" she demanded. "I didn't tell you my name or where I lived or anything."

"No. No, you didn't." Callie blinked a couple of times, then said, "But I followed you. I felt bad about upsetting you -"

"You apologized already." This was decidedly weird. Random strangers didn't worry about upsetting other people like this - and if they did, they certainly didn't go around following people home so they could apologize some more. Still, Callie had said something about helping her get rid of her dreams...

No. She wasn't ready to admit the dreams were real. "Just go away and leave me alone." She pushed at the door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Don't be like that, Diana." Callie knew her name, too? "Shiva wants to meet you. He can help you."

Shiva? She was supposed to trust some guy named Shiva?

**

"Okay, let's get the Healing over with," Win said, pulling into the parking lot of an abandoned restaurant about a mile from the convenience store.

"Here? Don't you want to wait and do it back at my apartment?"

Well, yeah, although the "doing it" his body was interested in didn't have anything to do with Healing. "I don't have time to take you home. I'll Heal you here, then loan you money so you can get a cab."

Tanissa scowled, but didn't argue. "Give me a hand with my jacket, but watch out for my arm."

He'd already noticed that her left arm seemed to be a problem. He lifted the coat off her shoulder slightly. When she shifted forward and took her right arm out of the jacket, he slipped it all the way off her left arm. Her upper arm was inexpertly bandaged, and the bandage was soaked with blood. "I'll have to take this off," he said, feeling a little sick at the prospect of the wound it was covering.

She nodded. "I know. It's tucked in underneath." She started to raise her arm, then winced.

How could someone hurt her so much? And why? He wished he had more time - he'd find the lowlife who did this and make him pay. But he didn't have time, so he settled for gently unwrapping the old sheet from her arm.

He felt a lot sicker when he saw the slash on her arm. It was easily eight inches long and was still oozing blood.

Even worse, the stench of evil permeated it.

This was way beyond any Healing he'd done, and he wished a real Healer was available. If only she could be treated by Grandma or his sister, Su - they were real Healers, and they'd know how to get rid of the evil.

But they weren't available. He'd have to do what he could and hope her body would force out the remaining evil. He swallowed and wet his lips. "Okay. Get comfortable - you know I'm not all that good at this, so it'll take a while."

Careful to not touch the cut, he put a hand on either side of her upper arm. He formed his intention - Heal Tanissa's arm - clearly in his mind. He turned that into a mental picture of her healed arm, then sent Healing power through his hands into her body.

After a minute, she said, "You have a lot of power. I never realized how much."

He was surprised, too. Healing wasn't one of his strengths, yet the cut was healing fast enough to see. Within ten minutes, it was gone. "It should be okay now."

"I'm sure it will. Thanks. Now, do you suppose you could take care of this?" She twisted toward him in the car seat and whipped open the loose shirt she was wearing.

Her bare breasts were right at eyelevel. "Ta -" The first syllable of her name was all he could manage. That and not reaching out to grab them. Goddess, why was she torturing him like this?

"It looks pretty bad, doesn't it?" she asked, and seconds later, he realized that she was pointing at the top of her left breast.

She'd been branded.

**

Callie was certainly determined! Every time Dee said she wouldn't meet Shiva, Callie had another argument why she should.

Dee finally said, "I don't see why you care so much if I meet this Shiva guy or not."

"Because I saw how upset you got yesterday about seeing the future!" Callie's plain round face seemed earnest and concerned. "I hated that I was the one who made you feel that way, and having you meet Shiva is the best way I know to help."

Maybe Callie was simply what she seemed to be - a nice and perhaps overly-sensitive person. What would it hurt to agree?

**

It was a few more seconds before Win could speak. "What -"

"It's an inverted pentagram," Tanissa said. "The guy I told you about is into the Black Arts."

Suddenly, it clicked into place. Tanissa was no victim! She was evil! He grabbed her shoulders and demanded, "You! You're after Diana!"

"Let go of me - that hurts!"

He tightened his grip. "Too bad. What are you going to do with her?"

"Do with who?"

"Diana!" For the first time in his life, he could imagine really hurting a woman. This woman.

Tanissa gave him a hateful look. "Look, all I know is that I was supposed to keep you occupied until at least noon. It was supposed to be easy."

Of course it was. Everyone knew he had no self- control when it came to women - especially Tanissa. He'd endured a thousand lectures on the subject, and probably close to a dozen Vigils.

He'd thought the whole thing was a joke - a bunch of old people who didn't remember how great sex was, trying to wreck his fun. But they'd told him someone might use sex to distract him from his duties - and now it had.

"Who told you to distract me? Was it the guy who did those things to you?" Even knowing that Tanissa was evil, the idea of someone branding her sickened him.

Her mouth twisted. "You are such a wuss! You've got all this power and you act like a damn boy scout! Wake up, baby Mage - magick is meant to be used. Shiva knows that - and you know what? Even though it hurt like hell to get cut and branded, Shiva turns me on fifty times as much as you ever did."

"You're crazy to get mixed up with a guy like that, Tanissa! Shiva's evil -"

"Shiva worships the Queen - not your namby-pamby Goddess - and the Queen rewards her Servants. Once Shiva sacrifices Diana, he'll have so much power that no one will be able to stop him!"

Did the Council even know Shiva existed? They couldn't. If they did, they would have told Win before sending him on this assignment.

But that was assuming Shiva really had the kind of power Tanissa said he did. It didn't take magickal power to do what Shiva had done to Tanissa. It took a sadistic man with enough charisma to gain himself a few followers.

And that was plenty to put Diana's life in extreme jeopardy.

**

Dee was in her bedroom getting dressed to go out when she heard Win call, "Diana, are you here? Are you okay?"

She hurried out into the living room, still pulling on her top. Two feet into the room, she ran into something big and very definitely male. She slipped her arms out of the sleeves and yanked the top over her head. It was Win. "How did you get in here?"

He ignored her question, and instead demanded, "You're okay? Nobody -" He frowned, his whole body radiating near-panic. "Nobody's been here?"

She opened her mouth to tell him about Callie's visit, and that she was going to a talk by this Shiva guy in less than an hour. Except why should she tell him anything? "That's none of your business, Win. And you didn't answer my question. How did you get in here?"

He shook his head abruptly. "That doesn't matter. You're not safe here. I don't have time to explain, but we've got to leave right away."

The guy was a nut. "Fine. You leave. I'm staying." She gave him a shove in the direction of the door. The shove accomplished nothing except to make her bump up against his body.

And that made her realize that her top was still bunched up above her bra. She'd just shoved her nearly- naked breasts into his solidly muscular chest!

She took a step backwards, pretending that nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. She reached for her top.

His hands on both wrists stopped her. "Diana, I'm completely serious. You're in danger - if we don't get out of here right away, you'll be killed."

Well, now she knew why a guy who seemed to have as much going for him as Win Sayre was living in a sleazy apartment. He was probably one of those wacko conspiracy nuts who spent every penny he had trying to convince others that he knew what he was talking about.

Who knew what fantasy he might dream up next? She'd try not to upset him further. "Well, coincidentally, I was just getting ready to leave for a talk I'm going to at noon. You can come with me, if you think it's necessary."

Just what she wanted - having Win trail along all day. But on the other hand, she was nervous about meeting Shiva. If she was amazingly lucky, maybe the two of them would hit it off and forget about her!

"Who's giving the talk?" He acted like the answer would change the future of the universe.

"I'm just going as a favor to this woman I met," she said. "It's by this guy Shiva -"

"Shiva?" he demanded. "You're going somewhere to meet him? He's not coming here?"

"God, no! I don't even want to meet him -" Suddenly, she realized that she was answering Win's questions. She must have bought into his craziness, at least a little. She twisted, trying to get out of his grip, but he held on. "Let me go!"

"Not until you agree to come with me."

She'd thought his gray eyes were intense on Thursday. That was nothing compared to today. "No way. I don't know you. You're saying things that don't make any sense. And I make my own decisions now!"

"Damn it, Diana -"

"Stop calling me Diana!" This guy was a nutcase, all right. Maybe those weird dreams had been prompted by Win. Maybe he was dangerous - in which case, she'd better fight.

And given that he was six inches taller and had more muscles in his little finger than she had in her whole body, it couldn't be a fair fight.

She kneed him in the groin.

**

Goddess! Not there! Not -

He collapsed onto the floor, taking Diana with him. She immediately started scrambling out from under him, but he managed to stay with her.

Block the pain, block the pain. Okay, this was something he'd been trained to do. Isolate the nerve endings sending the pain sensation to his brain. Quiet them. Soothe them.

He took a breath - the first one since Diana had attacked him. It still hurt, but not in the same completely mind-blowing way.

He used his weight strategically to immobilize most of her body, then pinned her arms on the floor over her head. "Quit fighting, Diana. I'm doing this for your own good."

She kept squirming, and he realized he could never let go. She didn't understand about the Balance and her power and that he truly was protecting her. Until she did, she'd never cooperate with him.

And even though Shiva wasn't supposed to come here, he couldn't take the time now to explain it all. He had only one option.

He shifted position so he was staring into Diana's eyes from a distance of less than six inches. He shifted into his Voice of Power and said, "Diana Minerva Plaas, you will listen to me and you will do as I say."

CHAPTER THREE

Nutcase didn't begin to describe this guy! Just because he talked in some weird echo-y way didn't mean Dee was suddenly going to start doing what he said.

If she could just get her hands free...

"Diana, stop fighting me."

What was going on? It felt like his words were burning inside her brain. Kind of like a neon sign saying "Stop fighting me" had been installed in her head, and the sign kept flashing on and off every second or two.

And her muscles wouldn't obey her anymore, either! She kept telling her arms and legs to fight him, and instead she was just lying there like a big fat lump.

A big fat lump with a gorgeous hunk on top of her. And if she wasn't mistaken, the gorgeous hunk had an erection. Shouldn't the knee she'd planted in his groin a minute ago have been more effective?

Knee or not, he definitely had an erection, and it was aimed just where her traitorous body thought it belonged.

He could tell she was reacting to it, too. He pressed his body into hers a bit more intimately, and his hands released their vise-like grip on her arms. She hoped he'd touch her breasts -

What was she thinking?

Her mouth went dry, her belly clenched. He was going to rape her!

The guy must have hypnotized her, because her muscles still wouldn't cooperate.

But she wouldn't give up yet! She packed her voice with both anger and scorn. "I'd think a good-looking guy like you could find a woman to go to bed with you willingly."

**

Goddess! What on earth was he doing? Win was supposed to protect Diana, not -

He rolled off of her, watching to make sure she didn't run. She crawled a few feet away, turned her back, and pulled her top the rest of the way on. She stayed there, huddled pathetically. He wanted to kick himself.

But none of that changed the basic situation. She was in danger from Shiva and he had to get her out of here. "Diana, look at me."

Slowly, she turned to face him. She eyed him distrustfully, then thrust her chin up in the air. "What?"

Yes. What? How about an apology? "About what just happened - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."

"You're sorry you hypnotized me?" she asked. "If that's it, just unhypnotize me and we'll call it even."

"I didn't hypnotize you! I put you under a spell - and that's not what I'm apologizing for, anyway."

"A spell, huh?" she said, her expression showing how little she believed him. "Well whatever you call it, that's what you should be sorry for. The other's just how guys act - never shy about sharing your proudest possession with any female in the vicinity."

Whoa! Where had that come from? "I never - "

"Oh, give me a break - and while you're at it, get the hell out of my apartment and my life!" She climbed to her feet and poked at him with one foot. "Move! I don't have time to waste."

And neither did he. So even though using his power this way was strictly forbidden and he'd pay a heavy price for it, he said, "Diana, cooperate with me."

**

What's going on! How's he doing that? Once again that neon sign was flashing in her mind.

COOPERATE!

COOPERATE!

Stop it! Right now! The sign dimmed for about half a flash, then started again.

Well, whatever was going on, she'd fight it. She wouldn't be putty in the hands of a crazy man. Who did he think he was, anyway, expecting her to cooperate?

He got to his feet and said, "I know you don't believe me, but Shiva is after you. If you don't show up at his talk, he'll come here. We need to be long gone by then."

Dee could barely think past the word "cooperate" burning and flashing in her brain, but she managed to ask, "Why? Does he want to hypnotize me, too?"

He glared at her. "You want to know what Shiva wants? Well, let me tell me what he wants." He shook his head, still glaring. "No, better yet, let me tell you what he did last night - to a woman who's on his side - a woman as evil as he is. First, he cut her arm from just above the elbow almost all the way to the shoulder. And then he branded her breast."

Her dream! Her dream had been real! That horrible tattooed Priest was Shiva, the man Callie wanted her to meet. "Oh, my God! That was Callie in my dreams -" Callie and the Servant were the same person...

Win was staring now. "You dreamed about Shiva?"

In her dreams, they'd been trying to find some person in Beaverton. "They've been looking for me?"

He shook his head. "They found you - the night before last. They haven't captured you because I protected your apartment with a magick circle, but Shiva's getting stronger. You're not safe here any longer."

Some of what he was saying made sense - well, some kind of sense, anyway - but saying she'd been protected by a magick circle? The burning COOPERATE! in her mind made it hard to think. She desperately needed some time to figure out what was true and what was fantasy.

It couldn't all be true.

**

For a few seconds, Win thought he'd lucked out. If Diana had dreamed about Shiva, she'd know how dangerous he was. She'd let him take her out of here of her own free will, and he could undo the compulsion spell he'd put on her. Maybe, if things went just perfectly from now on, the fact he'd used it at all would be forgotten. Maybe.

But then he saw Diana's face go blank, and her stare became fixed and completely vacant. She shook her head slowly, and he wasn't entirely sure she wasn't going to pass out. If they were to get out of here in time, he'd have to compel her.

"Diana, come with me to my car." At the door, he stopped and looked back at her.

She hadn't taken a single step. The vagueness was gone, and now she was chewing her lip and glancing back and forth toward the bedroom. "What about Mr. Bill?"

"What are you talking about?"

"My cat! You say Shiva will come here - and I've seen him kill people. What will he do to Mr. Bill?" Tears glistened in her eyes.

"We can't take your cat, Diana - be reasonable!"

"But what if Shiva finds him?" Her voice was shrill.

"He won't find him," he said. "Anyway, what would he -" He stopped mid-reassurance.

Diana had an excellent point. Shiva would be angry when he found Diana gone. He'd torture the cat without a second thought. But they couldn't take a cat with them on this trip! They'd have to change cars a couple of times and take a circuitous route so Shiva couldn't follow them. A cat would make the whole thing impossible. Still, they couldn't leave it here to face certain death. "We'll leave it with my mom. Go get it."

"Oh, thank you," she said and rushed off.

She must think Win was as cruel and heartless a beast as Shiva! He didn't want her to think he was a bad man. He wanted her to admire him.

But her admiration was all that he wanted from her.

He reminded himself of that fact several times.

**

Wha -?

Oh, Goddess! He'd nearly driven off the side of the road - and considering this stretch of I-84 was straight and flat, that was a feat.

The last few hours had used up all his power reserves and then some. He needed food - lots of it, right away.

He took the next exit and pulled into the drive- thru of the first fast-food place. "What do you want to eat?" he asked Diana.

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat. I'll get you a burger and a drink." He ordered three large burgers and two jumbo drinks for himself.

They ate in the parking lot. When he ate the last bite, he was still hungry. Diana's burger lay in her lap. Half unwrapped, barely touched. "What's wrong with your sandwich?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I'm just not hungry." With sudden urgency, she added, "Please don't do that burning-words thing and make me eat!"

"What burning-words thing?"

"Like when you said 'Diana, stop fighting me.' The words 'stop fighting' burned in my brain and I had to stop fighting you. I don't know how you do that, but it's really awful and I hope you never do it again."

"It's called compelling you, and I won't do it again unless I absolutely have to. I only did it before because we had to get away from your apartment before Shiva got there."

"It's some weird kind of hypnotism, isn't it? I know you said it was a spell before, but you didn't mean that."

He smiled. "I did mean that, Diana. I'm a Mage, and I can do all sorts of magick."

She shook her head. "No. Magic doesn't exist. Magicians just know tricks for making people think they're doing magic."

"I'm a Mage, Diana, not a magician. And the kind of magick I do has a 'k' at the end of the word."

She said nothing, but he knew he hadn't convinced her. "Just don't do the burning-words thing anymore, okay? I know I'm stuck with you, and if you just tell me what you want, I'll do it."

He sighed. He had a long way to go to gain her admiration.

He hoped he could keep them both alive long enough.

**

When they turned south at Hood River, Dee started to wonder. She'd assumed that Win knew where they were going, and that it was somewhere east of Portland. But if they were going to Bend or somewhere in this new direction, why had he taken I-84 out of the city? It would have been much more efficient to head south on I-5, then cross the Cascade Mountains further south. Even better, they could have taken Route 26.

She didn't ask. She was afraid that his answer would have no more connection to reality than when he'd said he was a Mage and did magick-with-a-k.

She was stuck with a madman. Her only hope was that he'd eventually regain enough of his sanity to let her go.

**

Another few hours and Win's power reserves were close to empty again. He was using magick all the time to cloak Diana's powers from anyone who might be searching for them. Doing magick took energy, and that meant he needed to eat often.

Bend was a city, so he decided to switch both cars and rental car companies. He didn't think Shiva was well- organized enough to have people capable of hacking into computer systems and following them that way, but he couldn't assume it. But just in case they were that sophisticated, he'd left his own car at the Portland Airport and rented one. Then in Hood River, he'd found a Rent-A-Wreck and done it again, leaving the first rental in a downtown parking lot. Now he was ready to get rid of this rattletrap, before it fell apart. Or Shiva traced it.

They took a taxi from the first rental place to a fast-food restaurant. Diana ate a whole chicken sandwich this time, and he had his usual three large burgers. When they finished, she said, "I need to use the restroom. I promise I won't try to get away."

He was startled that she'd even think about it. Didn't she realize what Shiva would do to her if he caught her?

**

Dee had forgotten how exhausting long car trips could be. It was after dark now, and they were heading into the outskirts of Salem. They were in the fourth car of the day, and she'd finally decided that Win must be trying to confuse anyone who was following them. That was probably also why their trip today was close to a big circle.

She doubted that anyone was following them. Win's story about how Shiva would come after her seemed pretty weak. It was weird how his story and her dreams seemed to be so similar...

Hey! Was it possible today was just a dream? It wouldn't have to make sense then. Even better, she'd eventually wake up!

"I'm exhausted," Win said. It was the first time either of them had spoken in an hour. He turned into the parking lot of a budget motel. "We'll get a room for the night, then go on in the morning."

Her pleasant fantasy that this was all a dream vanished. "Get a room for the night?"

He stopped near the office and turned the engine off. "Yeah. I can't drive any farther right now." He sagged on the steering wheel as though he was too tired to sit upright.

"You can't expect me to politely get out of the car and go into some cheapo motel room so you can rape me!"

He jerked his head off the steering wheel. "I'm not going to rape you."

"Is that so? What about earlier?"

He didn't seem to remember at first, then he grimaced. "Look, I told you at the time - I'm sorry about that. I can't always control..."

He shook his head. "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that I'd never rape a woman. You can trust me." Without waiting for a response, he got out of the car and went into the office.

Trust him? Trust a guy who was clearly delusional and living in a fantasy world? A guy who was forcing her to cooperate with him?

But the reality was that she did trust him. Not a lot, but he seemed honestly concerned about her safety. And his story about Shiva matched her dreams so eerily!

That was part of it, too. Even though he was probably certifiable, he seemed much less dangerous than the man in her dreams.

Maybe she'd have to make a break for it sometime - she didn't see any signs of this wild-goose chase ending and her being allowed to return to her normal life.

But for now, she'd go along with him.

**

Win picked up more food at the fast-food place next door, then drove around the side of the motel to the unit they'd been assigned.

Diana followed him inside, then stood there, not seeming to know what to do.

He said, "You can do what you want as long as you stay in the unit. I'm going to eat and go to bed."

She perched on the end of one of the beds and watched his every move. When he was nearly done with his second burger, she asked, "Do you have a tapeworm? I've never seen anyone eat as much as you have today."

He tried to smile, but it felt pretty weak. "I'm only eating like this because of all the magick I've done today."

She made a rude sound. "I should have known - everything's because of magick. And because some weird guy with tattoos wants plain ordinary me for some completely unknown reason." She got up and started pacing. "I asked a reasonable question - if you don't want to answer, just tell me - okay?"

"I told you the truth!" he snapped. Her skepticism was getting to him because he was so tired. Tired from protecting her.

Still, he'd try again. "It's not an unknown reason, Diana - he wants you because you've got a ton of magickal power and you don't have a clue how to deal with it."

She stopped pacing and spun to face him. "Magick again! And now, I've got it. I suppose I could do that burning-words thing to you if I wanted to?"

Not likely. He had the mind-control to stop someone from compelling him. But since she asked the question, it wouldn't hurt to let her see the benefits of accepting her gifts. "Maybe. If you were sufficiently well-trained."

She smiled nastily. "Well, you know what words I'd burn into your brain?" Carefully accentuating each syllable, she said, "'Leave me the hell alone!'"

His exhaustion made him imagine her words coming at him with spikes, trying to dig their way into his head.

**

Dee watched Win finish his last burger. "Do you want me to take my clothes off now?"

He blinked a couple of times, seeming a little embarrassed. "What do you mean?"

He wasn't going to play innocent now, was he? "It's not that difficult a concept. I take my clothes off and lie on the bed. You come over and get your jollies. We both get some sleep."

He stared at her. "I told you - I'm not going to rape you."

"Yeah, you did. But you want sex, and I figure you seem like a nice enough guy. It probably wouldn't be too awful."

It might not be awful at all. Except for the fact that he was crazy, he was the kind of guy she'd fantasized about her whole life. A sexy hunk who'd normally never bother with her.

But tonight, she was all he had available.

He was still looking at her, and from seeing him shift in his seat, she suspected his erection was back. Should she start getting undressed?

Suddenly, he wadded up the burger wrappers. "That would still be rape." He rocketed the wrappers in the direction of the wastebasket and stalked off to the bathroom.

Dee stared after him. She hadn't been wrong earlier. He'd had an erection and he hadn't minded poking it at her.

Barry must have been right, after all. She was a tub of lard, and just thinking about having sex with her was enough to make a man sick.

This was one time her looks had done her a favor.

So why was she fighting tears?

**

Tanissa tempting him had been bad enough. But now, Diana was tempting him, and she was about as far from his type as a female the right age could possibly be.

She wasn't pretty, she dressed as though she wanted to become invisible, and she had to be carrying thirty pounds more than she should. All right, she also had a don't-mess-with-me attitude that he enjoyed at the same time as it made his mission much more difficult.

But he'd never been attracted to a woman because of her attitude before.

In any case, it didn't matter. He was a Mage, sworn to uphold the Balance. Protecting Diana was his assignment.

He ran water in the sink and ritually purified himself with it. Then, he called upon Goddess to witness and strengthen the magick circle he was about to cast.

He cast the magick circle by walking around their entire motel room, his hand constantly in contact with the outer wall. The trickiest part was at the heads of the two beds - to keep touching the wall there, he had to walk across the beds.

Diana watched him the whole time. She started out looking mildly curious, but before he finished, she appeared incredulous. Once the circle was complete, he said, "I just surrounded the room with a magick circle to protect us. The magick circle I had around our apartments is why Shiva didn't get you on Thursday night."

She just sighed. "If you say so. Listen, you wouldn't consider uncompelling me or whatever, would you?"

"Uncompelling you? You mean taking the spell off you so you don't have to obey me?"

"Yeah. Or at least get rid of the flashing neon 'cooperate' in the middle of my brain. It stings, even when I'm not doing anything uncooperative."

He should. The longer he left the spell on her, the more trouble he'd be in eventually. "But you don't believe that Shiva's a danger to you. If I got rid of it, you might sneak out in the middle of the night."

She made a disgusted face. "Yeah, right. Like the dreams I had about Shiva make me anxious to get up-close-and- personal with the pervert." She waved the whole subject away and headed toward the bathroom. "Forget it. I just thought I'd ask."

"Diana -"

She ignored him and continued into the bathroom.

But what if he explained everything? He could explain all about the Balance and Goddess and being a Mage and how guys like Shiva didn't respect any of what was most precious in the world. Then she'd understand how critical it was that she let him protect her. And if she understood that, she'd let him do his job, and he could remove the spell. They'd both be much happier then.

That was the thing to do.

He'd explain as soon as she came out of the bathroom.

Unless he fell asleep first.

**

The van hurtled down a dark highway.

"Faster!" the Priest ordered. "They sleep! We may yet take our sacrifice!"

"Yes, Master." The Seeker pressed harder on the accelerator, her hands white where they gripped the steering wheel.

The Priest peered into the night as though intent on some image no one else could see. After a few moments, he stood and strode into the windowless area behind the front seats.

He peered down at the naked and spread-eagled body of the Initiate, then kicked her. When her eyes opened and focused on him, he said, "The Queen expects competence. So do I."

Words rushed out of her mouth. "I don't know what happened, Master! Win's never been able to resist me before. But if you'd had me call him later, he wouldn't have gotten back -"

He stopped her with a vicious kick to her still-raw breast.

She screamed. A moment later, she gasped, "Master, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to criticize..."

His glare silenced her. "The blame is yours! And if the sacrifice is not taken tonight, you will pay the price."

The Priest glanced further back in the van and jerked his head. "You - Servant - take your pleasure with this incompetent Initiate."

"Yes, Master." A male Servant moved forward and knelt between the Initiate's well-spread legs.

The Priest watched the entire act without moving. When the Servant was through, the Priest nodded in approval.

Gesturing at the others in the back of the van, the Priest said, "All of you - use her as you will. But leave her alive - and conscious."

**

Dee reached out, needing the sleek warm reassurance of Mr. Bill's fur. Her hand encountered nothing. She whimpered and pulled the covers higher, aware that something was wrong, but not sure what it was.

She'd worry about it in the morning.

**

Back and forth, back and forth, the Priest paced. His gaze was fixed on an ordinary-seeming motel fifty yards away. A quarter-full parking lot surrounded the motel, and mercury lights brightened the pre-dawn dark.

Suddenly, the Priest turned away and returned to the van. The Seeker hurried to him and dropped to her knees. "You have found a way, Master?"

"There is no way!" he roared, lashing out at her with one hand. She accepted the blow with her head held high. "That miserable Mage casts a strong circle - too strong to penetrate. But the sacrifice must not be lost to the Balance. Assemble the others - the Mage and the sacrifice must die!"

She rushed away and returned minutes later. "Master, all is ready for your presence."

The Priest shook his head. "All is not ready. I would have you on the altar."

The Seeker dropped to her knees, her eyes round with sudden terror. "Me, Master? The men have placed -"

"I do not care. The other does not deserve to be on the altar tonight. She is fit only for simple rutting or to be a meaningless sacrifice." The Seeker trembled visibly and the Priest placed his hand on top of her head. "Do not be fearful. This is an honor I bestow upon you. You have pleased me greatly."

"Thank you, Master. I live to serve you." Her voice was weak.

"Go now and prepare yourself. I join you shortly."

She left, and the Priest quickly undressed. He turned to gaze at the motel again, barely moving or breathing for several minutes.

Then the Priest stalked around the van to a spot where a portable altar had been set up. The Seeker lay naked across the altar, unrestrained in any way. He stepped into place and picked up the ceremonial knife that lay on the Seeker's belly.

His voice rang out, "The Queen bids us to make the sign of the inverted pentagram when we wish to call her power down to us. We start by marking the five points of the pentagram."

The Priest raised the knife and stuck the tip into the Seeker's left breast, slightly above the nipple.

She whined, then gulped a breath when the Priest removed the knife.

He followed the same procedure on her right breast. The next cut was on her left breast again, below the nipple. The right breast followed yet again.

The Priest paused then and shifted her body on the altar. Instead of lying lengthwise on the altar, she lay across it, her legs toward the Priest. He pushed them apart and plunged into her body. She groaned.

He placed the knife on her belly and said, "The five points are now marked. Next we draw the pentagram."

Blood welled up from each of the cuts, and the Priest used it to draw the pentagram. The lines of the star crisscrossed the Seeker's breasts and belly, with the fifth point where he entered her body.

The Priest continued tracing the inverted pentagram on the Seeker as he used her body. "O mighty Queen, we have made the sign of the inverted pentagram in Your name, as You have bid us. Listen to the pleas of your Servants, and bring down destruction on the tools of the Balance in this motel. We beg this of You, that we may please You with our offerings in the future!"

The Priest's motions grew more rapid, and the Seeker moaned. Suddenly, he stiffened. "All praise to the Queen!"

In the background, the motel blew up.

**

Dee was on her feet, slipping into her shoes, before she knew she was awake. Thank heavens she hadn't undressed last night! She hurtled out the motel room door and jogged to the right so the awful tattooed man - Shiva - wouldn't see her. Then she ran for her life.

She made it to the edge of the parking lot before she heard the first muffled boom.

CHAPTER FOUR

A jolt of power zapped him awake. Something had just happened. But what?

Diana! His eyes flew open, and he saw her grab the doorknob. She couldn't leave - she was under his spell!

But she did. She pulled open the door and ran outside.

"Diana, come -" The order was cut off as another jolt hit him. She'd shattered the circle that protected them, and the circle's power had snapped back at him. The two jolts combined to make his whole body feel sunburned from the inside out.

He had to go after her. He struggled to his feet, ignoring the pain. He took a step, only to stumble over his shoes - he'd taken them off, but not his clothes. He slipped the shoes on, then followed her outside.

He could move faster than she could, even the way he felt. Still, it was hard to keep her in view because she kept zigzagging and dodging behind cars. Somehow, he managed to follow.

Ka-BOOM! The force of the explosion blew him forward. He bounced off a car fender and landed in a minefield of twisted metal and broken glass. What had happened?

Where was Diana? Was she okay?

He lifted his head and looked around cautiously. Over there - peeking out at him from behind a car only a few feet away. She seemed to be saying something, but he couldn't hear what it was.

He couldn't hear anything, really. It was like his ears were packed with cotton. The explosion had messed with his hearing.

He crawled behind the car and asked, "Are you okay?" He could barely hear his own voice. "My hearing's shot. Look right at me when you answer."

"I'm fine," she said. "I ducked behind this car when I heard the blast. But you're bleeding."

He shrugged. "I'll be fine. What happened, anyway? Why did you run out of the room?"

Her eyes got huge. "Oh, Win! Shiva blew up the motel!"

"Shiva's here?" How on earth was he going to protect Diana, out in the open like this? He should have called the Council last night.

She nodded. "I dreamed about him again - him and Callie and the others - and they were over in the empty lot by the other part of this building. They did this ceremony and he called on the Queen to blow us up!"

He looked back at the motel over the top of the car they were hiding behind. There was a huge amount of damage, and parts of the building were reduced to rubble. Their room appeared to be the center of the explosion. He sank back against the car, too weak to hold himself upright. "You saved our lives. If you hadn't had that dream..."

She nodded, then suddenly frowned. "I didn't save you. I just got up and ran."

"But you broke the magick circle, and that woke me up. I came after you, and that's why I'm alive." What had that first jolt been? It was before she broke the circle.

Maybe it hadn't had anything to do with Diana. Maybe he'd finally had a flash of Sight. That was an important power for a Mage to have, and he'd been completely unsuccessful in developing it, despite years of training.

Tears filled her eyes. "But I didn't know you'd wake up! I just left, and you might have died."

Was her attitude toward him softening? More likely, she'd feel sorry about letting anyone die - and how she felt about him was far from the most important issue right now. He said, "Well in any case, I didn't die - and if we want to stay alive, we'd better get moving."

"We can't leave! The whole motel's been blown up because of us - there are people here who need our help!"

Was she serious? She had a follower of the Queen after her, and she wanted to stay and play paramedic? "We can't stay! You say Shiva's here - he'll be watching for us, and our only hope is to disappear before he realizes we didn't get blown up."

She sighed, but didn't argue. Good - he didn't want to have to compel her again.

He peered over the top of the car and saw that their rental car was a no-go. It was still mostly intact, but it had been close to their room, so was covered with debris. "You say Shiva's over on the other side of the motel?"

She nodded. "Or at least he was, in my dream." She looked around the chaos of people, rubble, and noise that was the parking lot. "I don't see him. And their van's not in sight, either."

He realized he was able to hear perfectly fine now. That was a relief. He took a minute to scan their surroundings and find a possible route to safety. "Okay. Our car's not drivable, so we'll have to walk to a rental car place. If we continue in this direction, cutting through the office park, we should be out of sight of the motel and the road most of the time. Does that sound okay to you?"

She nodded. "But are you sure you can walk? You're pretty cut up."

"I'll be fine," he assured her.

But as he got to his feet, he had to use magick to block the worst of the pain.

**

Dee followed Win through the parking lots of a couple of small office buildings before she noticed the bloody trail he was leaving. She hurried to catch up with him. "You're still bleeding!"

"A little. Nothing to worry about," he said, sounding annoyed and, if anything, walking a little faster.

"But you're dripping blood - someone could follow us."

He stopped and looked down at the ground. "Goddess!" It sounded like a swear word. He blew out a big breath and scanned the area. "Come on. I've got to take care of this." He headed toward a hose attached to the nearest building.

The bottom part of his pants leg was bloody, so he rinsed that off first, then sank to the ground and pulled the fabric out of the way. No wonder he was dripping blood - the gash was six inches long! "That must hurt a lot."

He shrugged, but she saw his cautious manner and the way he winced when he put his hands on either side of the cut. She wasn't sure what he intended to do without a bandage - something that nasty wouldn't simply stop bleeding.

Except it did. While she watched, the flow of blood slowed and gradually stopped. And then the gash began to heal - so quickly that she could actually see it happen! "What are you doing?"

He looked up at her with a frown. "I'm Healing my leg. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You - you can really do that?" she asked.

"Sure. I can't do as much as a Healer, but Mages can do basic stuff like this." The gash was just a scab now. He levered himself to his feet and rinsed his leg with the hose again. "Let's get going. After I use a lot of power like that, I need to eat." The pace he set this time was faster than before.

Dee's head was spinning. If healing a cut like that was "basic stuff" to him, what else could he do?

**

They were lucky. There was a car rental place less than a mile from the motel - and they were open, just short of a miracle at this hour on a Sunday morning.

Win told the clerk he wanted a car with a cell phone - he had to call the Council right away. The clerk looked dubiously at both of them and started droning on about security deposits. Win silenced him with his Council- issued platinum credit card and his stack of "preferred renter" cards from all the major companies.

It was breakfast time and they both needed to wash up, so he opted for a sit-down breakfast at a chain restaurant. He ordered the largest meal on the menu - he'd pick up the rest of the food he needed at a drive-thru later. Diana ordered the same thing - quite a change from the sparing way she'd eaten yesterday.

While she was in the bathroom, he placed his call to the Council's 800 number. He was told, "Call on Goddess to fortify the magick circle around your rental car, and proceed directly to your local Stronghold. The Guardian will be alerted to keep watch over your progress."

The call was ended abruptly, giving him no chance to object or ask questions. And he would have objected.

He really didn't want to return to the Stronghold and face his grandfather. Not now.

Not after he'd made such a mess out of his first assignment.

**

Dee could tell right away that something had changed. Win looked depressed instead of just worried, and he actually left a few of his hash browns uneaten.

She waited until they were on the road before saying anything. "Did you get through to the Council?"

He nodded and sighed. "Yeah. They said to go to the Stronghold and they'd have the Guardian watch out for us on the trip."

"That's good, isn't it? You said you needed help protecting me from Shiva." It was still hard to accept that the things he'd told her were true, but he'd Healed his leg right in front of her. That proved at least part of his story, and after the motel blew up like in her dream, she had to accept that her dreams were real, too.

Another sigh. "Yeah, it's a good thing. It's just - " He shoved a hand through his hair and darted a look in her direction. "I messed up, and this is my first assignment. I hate going back there to deal with the fallout."

He sounded so young when he said those things! "You didn't mess up - we're still alive, and you said that Shiva's a lot more powerful than anyone thought."

He made a face. "Well, yeah. But there are a million things I should have done differently, and being a Mage is a huge honor. Grandpa and Grandma'll be ashamed of me."

"Your grandparents are involved in this Mage thing, too?"

"Yeah. I guess I haven't really explained, but Grandpa's the Guardian for this region, and Grandma's our Priestess. I've been training with them at the Stronghold full time since I got out of high school."

Since he got out of high school? "You went to a regular high school?"

"Sure. You know my mom - and Dad's an investment advisor. Su and I grew up in Beaverton, but we visited Grandma and Grandpa at the Stronghold all the time. And then, once I got old enough to be an Apprentice, I spent summers out there, learning about the Balance and how to do magick and stuff like that." He grinned. "It was great - way harder than school, but it's what I was born to do."

"What did the kids you went to school with think about you learning magick?"

He turned to face her. "They didn't know - no one did, except the family. We have to keep our existence pretty much of a secret - first of all, very few people would believe that we do the things we do. And those who do would want us to use magick for trivial reasons - or they'd use their knowledge of us to do us harm."

That made sense - especially the part about people not believing. She'd been in that camp until earlier this morning. "Okay, I see that. Now, what's the deal with this Stronghold we're going to? What is it?"

"Well, there are a bunch of Strongholds all over the world. The area surrounding each Stronghold is called its region, and the Guardian for that region lives in the Stronghold. Quite a few other people live there, too - the Guardian's lifemate who's usually also a Priestess, a bunch of Apprentices, a couple of Healers and Mages, and maybe a Seer. And each Stronghold is built with strong protective magick, so it's a safe haven for anyone threatened by evil."

She nodded, suddenly understanding. "And that's why we're going there. So we'll be safe from Shiva?"

"So you'll be safe from Shiva," he corrected. "You're the one he wants. Anyway, I'm expected to be able to defend myself." He sounded depressed again. "Also, you'll be able to get training while you're at the Stronghold."

"Training?" The word sounded ominous.

"Sure. Those dreams you've been having mean that you're a Seer. Grandma'll help you learn to control your gift."

Her gift? He obviously hadn't been inside her head during one of those dreams! "She can help me get rid of them?"

He turned to stare at her. "Get rid of them? Why on earth would you want that?"

"Watch the road!"

He glanced back at the road just in time to steer around a series of curves. Halfway through the Coast Range like they were, there were plenty of curves. Plenty of hills, too. Another time she'd be enjoying the scenery - the trees budding, the grasses turning the ground a bright spring green, and the first hardy wildflowers blooming along the side of the road. Not today.

After a minute, she answered Win's question. "Those dreams are no gift to me. The first one I had showed my father-in-law's plane crashing in the Cascades. I begged Barry not to go with his father that weekend, but he -" He'd called her a controlling bitch and gone into detail about exactly why he was determined to go. The details had involved a sexy redhead and so much sex it had sickened her to hear about it. He'd made her listen, too, and he'd promised to bring her pictures to show what she'd missed out on.

She swallowed her tears and reminded herself that she'd turned that humiliation into anger - and determination to run her own life from now on. "He went anyway. A while after the crash, I couldn't stand it any longer, so I asked his brother Brent to show me the pictures they'd given him of the crash scene. It looked just exactly like it did in my dream!"

She sagged in the plush bucket seat of the rental car and let the tears come. "I can't stand having dreams like that any longer!"

Win laid his hand over hers and squeezed. "That must have been devastating. To know that someone you loved was going to die, and not to be able to stop it..."

Someone she loved? Yes, she guessed she'd loved Barry, despite everything. But that wasn't really why she hated the dreams. "I couldn't stop it this morning, either. All those people in the motel - how many of them died because of us?"

"Goddess!" Win grabbed his hand out of hers to turn on the radio. It was set to a local station, and luckily they only had to wait a few minutes for the news.

The explosion was the lead story. The newscaster said, "One couple is missing and presumed dead, but considering the large amount of property damage, a surprisingly few number of injuries were reported. Fire department officials were quoted as saying that the blast appears to have occurred in the roof area above one of the rooms. They have no statement at this time about the cause of the blast, or whether it is thought to be of suspicious origin."

Dee knew she should be happy that innocent lives hadn't been lost. Instead, she couldn't stop crying.

Win did nothing to cheer her up.

Of course not. He didn't care. She was simply an assignment to him, and he'd soon be rid of her.

**

There was way too much time to think on this drive! Win wished Diana would talk to him - maybe ask him more questions about magick or tell him why she'd seemed angry instead of grief-stricken when she talked about her husband.

He could initiate a conversation, of course. He knew she was unhappy and he ought to try to cheer her up. Or distract her, like he needed distracting.

It had been so simple for her to say he hadn't messed up his assignment. There was even some validity to her argument that since they were both alive, he'd done okay.

But that was without considering two things - one, that he'd behaved like a jackass the last time he was with Grandpa. He'd been counting on going back to the Stronghold as a conquering hero instead of as a badly-outclassed Mage.

The second thing was the compulsion spell he'd put on Diana. The Balance held individual free will as an inalienable right, and he'd denied Diana hers.

Goddess! What was he thinking? She was still being compelled, and he no longer had the slightest concern that she would try to get away. He pulled off the side of the road as quickly as he could.

She looked at him, startled at first, then concerned. "Is something wrong?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I just realized something - I never took that spell off of you."

"You didn't?" she asked, frowning. "I thought you had - there aren't any words burning in my brain anymore."

How could that be? Spells didn't just expire after a certain length of time. He had to test out the possibility. "Diana, raise your right hand."

"Wh - ? Oh, I get it - you're checking to see if it's still in effect. And it's not. No burning words, no pressure in my head to do it. Nothing."

This was almost unbelievable. "When did you first notice the change?"

It took her a few seconds to come up with an answer. "This morning, a little before we got to the car rental place. But it might have happened earlier - with the explosion and all, things were pretty chaotic and I wouldn't necessarily have noticed."

He felt his mouth drop open as he realized what must have happened. "It was you breaking the spell that woke me up - not you leaving the room."

"I broke the spell? How could I? I can't do magick!"

All he could do at first was shake his head. "I don't know how you did it, but you did it."

Diana wasn't simply an untrained Seer. She was much much more.

**

A nothing like D+ break a compulsion spell? Win had to be crazy -

Well, maybe not crazy. Just wrong.

Maybe it was the force of the explosion - or the fact that they'd gone to sleep.

It didn't really matter, anyway. The spell might be gone, but she was still doing just exactly what Win wanted her to. Where was that determination to not let someone else run her life ever again?

She asked, "What's going to happen to me after we get to the Stronghold?"

"You'll get some training. I don't know if Grandma will train you herself, or if the Council will have you go to some other Stronghold."

"But I told you - unless someone can help me stop having those dreams, I don't want any training."

He sighed. "Diana -"

"And that's another thing!" she interrupted. "I've told you a couple of times that my name is Dee, and you keep calling me Diana. Does being a Mage mean you can ignore whatever I say to you?"

"No, of course not," he said, a puzzled look on his face. "But are you sure you've said anything about your name before this?"

"Of course I am! I introduced myself to you that way, and I reminded you at least once yesterday."

He shrugged. "Well, if you say so. In any case, I'm sorry. I'll call you Dee from now on."

"Good." That sounded a little rude, so she added, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. But as far as the training thing goes, Dee, you really need it. The reason that Shiva was able to find you is that your magickal talent is right on the surface and completely uncontrolled. Even if you don't want to exploit your Sight, you need help to hide your powers."

That sounded suspicious. "How long would that take? You've been training most of your life, it sounds like, and I'm definitely not interested in anything like that."

He shook his head. "Oh, it wouldn't take anywhere near that long. My training had a different purpose - to develop my powers and use them to their maximum capability. You'd just be learning to control and camouflage the ones you already have."

She hated unspecific answers. She'd found people often used them when the real answers wouldn't be acceptable. "But how long would it take? Because I can't afford to be away from home for long - I don't have the money to keep up the rent on my apartment without a job. I can't be separated from Mr. Bill for more than a few days, either."

"Come on, Di - I mean, Dee. Shiva's trying to kill you - you can't claim you want to be taken back to your apartment for him to find!"

"Oh." How had she forgotten about Shiva so quickly? "Well, no. But... but I really am broke, and I was counting on getting a job right away before any more bills came due."

"Money's not a problem any longer, Dee. The Council will be picking up your bills from now on - or at least while you're in training. I don't know what happens if you decide not to use your gifts in the name of Goddess and the Balance."

She was still uneasy with his casual talk about her gifts. It made it sound like she was special in some way, and she was awfully used to being completely unspecial. But if the Council was willing to pay her bills, maybe she could learn to accept that she had abilities that not everyone did.

"So, if I agree to do this - not the whole deal like you did, but the other stuff - can I have Mr. Bill with me? He's really a very well-behaved cat, and I'd make sure he didn't bother anyone."

Win sighed. "You'll have to talk to Grandma, Dee. I have no say in that - or anything else."

He disappeared back into gloom and Dee knew to leave him alone for the rest of the drive. He was worried about something other than their immediate safety, and he wasn't about to confide in her. She didn't want to hear his secrets, anyway.

She watched their route, instead. They'd been headed toward the Coast all day, and now they were driving south along a winding road high above the ocean. Every now and then, a sharp curve let them see a snatch of the water below.

All of a sudden, Win veered off to the right and Dee gulped. They'd be over the edge any second! But then she realized that he was on a sloping path that paralleled the main road - not driving off the cliff as she'd feared.

He slowed to a halt after another few seconds. The path had ended, a couple of hundred feet or so below the road. "We might have to wait here a few minutes," he said.

Wait for what?

Her answer came in seconds. The cliff side in front of them opened up, and Win drove into a garage the size of a parking structure.

This was apparently the Stronghold.

CHAPTER FIVE

Win parked near the elevator. As they got out and walked toward the already-open doors, he realized he should have prepared Diana - Dee - for what might happen next. He simply hadn't been ready to talk about it. "I'm not sure what my reception will be like," he said quietly.

She stopped in her tracks. "What do you mean?"

He turned to face her - and fell into the most incredible green eyes in the universe. How could he have thought Diana wasn't pretty? Her eyes alone -

Her eyes alone. She'd been wearing glasses every other time he'd looked at her! Thick ugly things.

Had she lost them in the motel blast? He realized that he hadn't really looked at her all day. "You lost your glasses."

"No, I -" She reached a hand up, as though she expected to find them and wave them at him. Her eyes widened when she touched skin instead of plastic. She looked around herself in obvious amazement. "But I can see! You should be a blurry mess, and I shouldn't even be able to tell there are cars over there..."

She turned back to him eventually. "This is amazing. Did you do it?"

"Did I do what?" Asking the question made some of the brain fog wear off. "Heal you, you mean? No. I can't do Healing that complex."

"Well then, who did?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe Grandma can explain."

Grandma. Saying her name brought reality front-and-center again. "Look, we have to go, but before we do, I'll tell you what I meant about my reception. Basically, right before I left here last time, I burned some bridges, and I've got to deal with that. Plus, compulsion spells are forbidden, so -" He had to breathe deeply a couple of times before he could continue. "So, I'm in a load of trouble, and - and I don't know what they'll do to me."

He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the desire to run away - or to see if he could really drown in Diana's eyes, the way it felt he could. He steadied his nerves. "Come on. The elevator's waiting." He didn't wait for her to agree. If he didn't go now, he might never have the guts.

She followed him onto the elevator. The doors slid closed and it began to move. It didn't greet them as it normally would, and it hadn't waited to be told where they wanted to go. Neither were good signs.

Nor was the fact that the doors opened on the reception chamber instead of the family room, nor that Grandpa and Grandma sat on the raised dais at the ornate desk they used on formal occasions.

Win touched Diana's hand and murmured, "Stay right here for now." He licked his lips and concentrated on standing tall and broadcasting the supreme confidence of a Mage.

Grandpa said, "Greetings, Mage Gwynvid and Seer Diana. I am Guardian Ogma, and this is my mate, Priestess Aradia."

Win's heart sank. Grandpa was using the formal greeting he'd use for any Mage or Seer who requested admission to the Stronghold. He responded in kind, bowing his head briefly to each of them as he said, "Greetings, Guardian, Priestess. We come seeking protection." He swallowed hard. "And I come seeking judgment."

Grandma's face softened for a moment, but she said nothing. Grandpa turned to Diana and said, "Seer Diana, you are welcome in our Stronghold. Please enter and be at leisure."

She glanced at him and whispered, "I don't want to leave you. This is because of me -"

He stopped her with a shake of his head. "You have to. I'll be okay." She frowned, but stepped off the elevator. She took a seat on one of the benches that lined the chamber. He felt suddenly much more exposed and alone.

"Mage Gwynvid, we will hear your request for judgment. Proceed."

The Judgment Pedestal appeared two feet in front of him, and Win levitated so he could float an inch above its surface. At least, that was what he was supposed to do. Instead, he misjudged the height of the Pedestal, and he ended up a good ten inches over it. He quickly adjusted his position, but Grandpa noticed the error and looked disgusted.

"I seek two separate judgments," he said, his insides trembling. "First, I seek judgment from you, Guardian, as a student who has shown extreme disrespect to his teacher."

He looked at the blank area in front of the dais, and created the image of his slightly-younger self dropping a rock right next to Grandpa's foot. Diana gasped. His concentration - and the image - wavered momentarily, but he regained control and forced the rest of the scene to unfold properly. His words rung out and echoed in the mostly-empty chamber. "What are you trying to prove, old man? I'm every bit as good a Mage as you ever were! Stop the games and admit it!"

He let the image dissolve and faced Grandpa squarely and resolutely, as he'd been taught. "I was wrong, Guardian. My powers are weak and poorly-controlled. My training is far from complete, and I humbly request that I be allowed to continue training." His mouth wanted to babble on, but he wouldn't let it. He'd said all that was permissible.

Grandpa and Grandma both stared at him with their formal stares, and it was all he could do not to fidget. If only they would say something! Finally, Grandpa said, "Judgment on this will be deferred."

Was that good or bad? Maybe good - maybe Grandpa would allow him to resume training, depending on how this next part went. On the other hand, maybe Grandpa already knew what he'd done and that it was a foregone conclusion he'd lose his Mage status.

"What is your other request for judgment?"

He wanted to throw up. The basic tenets of the Balance had been drilled into his head from the first visits he'd made to the Stronghold as a small child. How could he have disregarded one of them so easily? "I seek judgment from the Council and the High Priestess, as a Mage who has broken one of our most fundamental rules. I placed Seer Diana -" A voice in his head reminded him she wanted to be called Dee, but he couldn't stop to correct himself now. "I placed Seer under a compulsion spell."

Grandma's face betrayed her shock. Grandpa's remained harsh and mask-like. Win created the image of him on top of Diana, her arms pinned over her head. Grandma made a small sound, and he realized that it looked like the prelude to rape. Was reality much better? He played the image forward, and they all heard him use his Voice of Power. "Diana Minerva Plaas, you will listen to me and you will do as I say."

He could see the fury in both Grandma's and Grandpa's faces. He'd brought disgrace to them as well as to himself. He no longer deserved to be a Mage - and he should probably be banished from all Strongholds. But how would he survive either of those fates? The need to serve Goddess like his grandparents had driven him since he was four years old.

He dissolved the scene and said, "I caused Seer extreme mental anguish by my actions, in addition to the insult I offered to Goddess and the Balance. I humbly request that I be allowed to re-dedicate my life and my work as a Mage to Goddess."

"Is the spell still in effect?" Grandma's voice was so harsh and demanding, it was scarcely recognizable.

"No, Priestess." He wished he could say he took it off when he realized what he'd done. "It failed when Seer Saw the motel explosion."

"Look, Win had to put that spell on me!" Diana cried out, jumping to her feet. "I didn't like it, not one single bit, but I was on my way to meet Shiva, and if I'd done that, I'd be dead by now!"

Grandma looked straight at Diana and said, "Seer Diana, your interruption is inappropriate." Her voice was more normal - not warm, but not crackling with power and disapproval, either. "All relevant information will be considered by both the Council and the High Priestess in determining the judgment for Mage Gwynvid."

She turned to Win, and her manner became frosty and regal again. "Mage Gwynvid, Judgment will be issued at six PM. You will present yourself then, ritually purified and ready to accept your judgment."

His heart plummeted, and he nearly let his feet touch the Judgment Pedestal. Six o'clock was hours from now! It was likely that both the Council and the High Priestess had been watching ever since he announced that he sought their judgment - that desk was also a command center, with push-buttons for communicating with the Council as well as everyone within the Stronghold. Why couldn't they just get it over with? Was it their intent to prolong the torture of not knowing what would happen?

But he couldn't protest - not when he so desperately sought another chance. So he bowed his head and said, "Yes, Priestess. Thank you, Priestess."

The Pedestal of Judgment disappeared from under his feet and Grandpa said, "You are dismissed, Mage Gwynvid."

He left, promising himself he would perform the most complete and most penitent ritual purification ever.

**

Dee was disgusted. These people were Win's grandparents? They acted like the saintly church people she remembered from childhood - the ones who looked down their noses at her mom because she had more essential things to do than spend half her life in church. Where had they been when Shiva was blowing up the motel?

The elevator dinged open and someone stepped off - probably the next victim of these awful people. Before she could tell the person to leave while they still had a shred of self-respect left, Win's grandmother spoke. "Seer Diana, this is Healer Sulis. She will take you to your quarters and see to your needs. You are requested to return at six. The elevator will be programmed to bring you here."

Judging by the formality of this place, she was probably supposed to express her gratitude or some such garbage. Not likely! As scared as she was of Shiva, she wished that Win hadn't brought them here. Win, at least, had a good heart.

"Come with me, please," the new arrival said in a sweet clear voice that immediately lightened her mood.

Dee followed the young woman onto the elevator, automatically noticing that she was beautiful and dainty and feminine - all the things Dee herself was not.

The elevator started descending rapidly. It had descended earlier, too, when they left the garage. They must be inside the cliff. The woman turned to her and asked, "Is Win okay? There've been rumors all day and they say you came together. Why wasn't he with you and Grandpa and Grandma?"

"Because they're hor -" She stopped herself mid- word. Who was this Healer Sulis, and whose side was she on? "I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. Are you related to Win?"

"Oh, I should have told you - I'm Win's sister, Su. I've been so worried about him all day - well, ever since yesterday, actually, when I talked to Mom and she said he had to go away suddenly." Her eyes widened and she stared at Dee. "You're the person he's been protecting, aren't you? Mom said she's taking care of your cat."

Mr. Bill! "Is he okay? I've never been away from him overnight before..." Well, she had - once, but it hadn't gone well.

"I'm sure he's fine. Mom takes care of my pets all the time and she's really good with them." The elevator stopped and the doors opened. "We're here. I'll show you your suite, but first - please tell me about Win."

Dee was horribly embarrassed. "I'm sorry - you asked before, and I didn't answer. He's fine, and the reason he wasn't there when you came was that he left to ritually purify himself, whatever that means."

Su groaned. "Did he submit himself for judgment because of how he treated Grandpa?"

"Only partly for that. Also, he used a forbidden spell on me, and the Council and the High Priestess are judging him for that." Instinctively, she knew she could trust Su. "Can you tell me what that all means? Because it seems totally unfair, and I'm worried what they'll do to him."

Su smiled slightly and said, "Sure. Come on, let's sit over here." She led the way through a waiting-room type area to a small alcove by a window. "I love these window seats," she said, curling up on one of the benches. "There isn't one on the level where Win and I live."

Windows inside a cliff? Dee sat across from her and asked, "We're inside the cliff, aren't we?"

Su nodded. "Right. And that's why there aren't windows on every level - it would look funny from the water side to see all these regular openings in the solid rock wall. The glass is special, too, so it doesn't catch the light wrong from out there."

Out of curiosity, she looked out the window - and then down. The water was a dizzyingly long distance below them. "This place is amazing. Win said it was built with magick."

"Yeah, but not entirely. When they build a Stronghold, they use all the most-up-to-date materials and technological advances, too. Plus, Win's been helping Grandpa add computers all over the place - like the elevator has a voice-recognition system and artificial intelligence, so people only have access to the parts of the Stronghold where they have reason to go."

She stopped and looked at Dee. "I'm sorry, I get carried away. You wanted to know about judgments and all that. Did Win tell you about the Balance at all?"

Dee shrugged. "He mentioned the word, but that's about it. And I guess I need to understand about it eventually, but right now, the thing that really bugs me is that Win brought me here so I'd be safe. Now that we're here, it's obvious he's in big trouble over things I don't really understand. Even worse is how your grandparents treated him - he's their grandson, yet they made him crawl like a worm and beg to be squashed!"

Su cut a laugh short by biting her lip. "What a great description of submitting yourself for judgment! But it's not as cold-hearted as all that. The thing is that being a Mage is an honor and a privilege - it's all he's wanted his whole life, and he's been training for it forever. He has powers and abilities that could easily be abused, so there's a rigid code of conduct he has to abide by. Since he didn't, he submitted himself for judgment."

"Okay, so he can Heal his own leg, but compared to Shiva, he doesn't have many powers."

Su shook her head. "You haven't seen what Win can do, if you say that. Let me tell you about this friend of his - Dion. He was in Mage training down at the California Stronghold, while Win was in training up here. We'd see him sometimes - either those people would come up here for big rituals, or we'd go down there."

She wrinkled her nose. "I always thought he was kind of creepy and way too into showing how much magick he could do, but Win liked him. Anyway, a year ago - no, it was longer than that, because it was before the Council decided to make Win a Mage -"

She thought about it for a few seconds, then finally shook her head. "I guess it doesn't matter. But the California Stronghold just blew up one day - and everyone inside died. They sent Mages and Seers into what was left, and what they discovered was that Dion had been doing some sort of practice spell. He'd goofed up somehow - I don't think anyone ever figured out the details - and that's what caused the explosion."

Dee felt a chill, remembering the motel blowing up. "Was Dion killed, too?"

Su nodded grimly. "No one could have gotten out alive, Dee - one of the Mages who was there came up here a few months later, and he showed us images of the destruction."

"Showed you images? Like the thing Win did that was like playing back a VCR tape?"

"Yeah. Isn't it amazing? I wish I had enough power to do that."

"How's it done?" Not that Dee would ever be able to do it, of course.

"This might not be exactly right, but the theory is that we all remember virtually everything that happens to us - we just can't get at it in the mess of all our other memories. Somebody like Win, though, has trained his mind to work much more efficiently, so he can get at memories almost like a computer. And by using his magickal power, he can project those memories so other people can see them."

"It was amazing. It was like watching TV." Like her dreams, too. Were they related somehow?

She didn't care, she reminded herself. She might be surrounded by people who thought magick and weird dreams that foretold the future were good things, but she didn't agree. She wouldn't even ask questions about the dreams.

She asked a less dangerous question. "And why do they call him Mage Gwyn-whatever all the time?"

Su nodded. "Mage Gwynvid - that's his formal name and title. You'll notice Grandma called me Healer Sulis - it's the same deal."

"So his real name is Gwynvid? That must have been fun in school!" She almost laughed, but she could imagine it all too clearly.

"Oh, no. His given name is Winston - after Winston Churchill, one of Dad's idols. But Win hates to be called Winston, so when he came here for training, he chose a more appropriate name to use." Looking a little abashed, she confessed, "I did the same thing. I'm Suzanne, and it's not all that bad a name, but I never used it. I was always just Su until I came here."

Given that their grandparents names were Ogma and Aradia, Gwynvid and Sulis sounded reasonable.

She returned to the main question. "They said that Judgment would be issued at six o'clock. He has to ritually purify himself first, and I'm supposed to be at the Judgment, too. What will they do to him?"

Su shook her head. "I don't know, but it'll be an attempt to balance out the wrong he did, and to help him feel the wrongness of his actions."

How could they do that?

**

One of the first lessons Win had learned during his days as an Apprentice was that the point of a Ritual of Purification was to prepare the body and mind to encounter Goddess. The words had always given him chills, even back then, when they were merely words. He'd longed for the chance to show Goddess his sincerity and love.

His chance - like that of every Apprentice - came early in his training. In the middle of his second week, he was caught not having read his whole assignment. The other part of his homework that night had been practicing magick. Like many Apprentices before and since, he chose to spend his time on magick instead of bookwork. The price he paid was his first Ritual of Purification. He learned then that some things sounded a whole lot more glamorous than they were in reality.

Every Stronghold had a special Purification Chamber near its Ritual Ground. Today, he went there directly from the Reception Chamber, and he would leave only when it was time to return for judgment.

Because he had most of the afternoon, he started by burning a mixture of herbs and soaking in a hot bath while he inhaled the smoke. Later, he anointed his still-wet body with precious oils before reciting the ritual he'd learned all those years earlier.

None of that was what he dreaded, hated, and simultaneously knew he needed. That part came next, when he purged all food and toxins from his body. First, he swallowed quarts of a nasty herbal cleanser, and then, when his system felt completely empty, he finished the job with an enema.

The rest of the Ritual of Purification - including the alternating ice-cold and boiling-hot ceremonial baths - usually passed in a blur of exhaustion and relief that the worst was past.

Not today. This time, Win couldn't assure himself that the worst was past. He didn't know what more was in store for him - and he was unfortunately very aware that he hadn't yet paid his debt.

**

Dee's suite was basically one large room plus a luxurious bathroom, but she could happily live in it for weeks. The kitchen area was stocked with food; the living area had two comfortable chairs and a small couch as well as a TV with VCR and a personal computer; and the bedroom was stocked with a variety of clothing in various sizes.

Su hadn't stayed any longer than necessary to show her around. Before she left, Dee had undressed and turned over her filthy clothes to be laundered. Su promised to bring them back clean when she returned just before six. They would attend Win's Judgment together.

Dee showered, fixed herself a light lunch, then crawled into bed for a much-needed nap.

Her mind was full of a thousand questions, and she wasn't sure at first if she could sleep. But Su's calm acceptance of what was happening to Win helped her to relax. His sister loved him very much - if she wasn't worried, then Dee shouldn't be, either.

She fell asleep pondering the sudden and amazing changes in her life. Imagine her being of importance!

**

Win felt too weak to walk from the Purification Chamber to the elevator, but he knew the feeling was primarily nerves. Would he leave the Reception Chamber a Mage, or something much less? Could he keep his composure if the worst happened?

And Goddess, how could he face Mom and Dad with the news? Mom would be full of sympathy, he knew, but her heart would also be broken. Dad - Win swallowed tears at the thought. Dad claimed to hate the Balance and everything associated with it, but the Sayre family's good name meant the world to him.

All too soon, he was in the elevator - again, he didn't need to tell it where to take him - and when the doors opened on the Reception Chamber, he saw Grandma and Grandpa already in place on the dais.

Grandpa's voice rang out. "Mage Gwynvid, are you ready for judgment?"

His insides shrieked No!, but Win forced the ritual answer from his lips. "In the name of Goddess, I am."

"Then take your place," was the reply, and the Judgment Pedestal appeared in front of him. He levitated cautiously into position, noting the strength the Ritual of Purification had cost him. He hoped his magick was up to the task of keeping him in mid-air.

Grandma said, "Seer Diana is here by invitation, and Healer Sulis claims right of family."

Su was here? He glanced to his left and saw her sitting with Diana, both looking nervous. He tried to smile at them, but his lips wouldn't work right.

Grandpa said, "The Council has reviewed your plea for judgment. As a Mage, your actions are subject to their overview and judgment. They deplore your use of a compulsion spell, and warn you that future use of such forbidden spells will result in the loss of your Mage status."

Future use? Did that mean he was still a Mage?

Grandpa continued, "In this case, they declare that this is a religious issue to be settled between you and Goddess, and they decline to issue judgment."

He was still a Mage! He took a deep breath and pushed the hysteria down - he'd savor this moment later. "I thank the Council for their leniency." He shut his mouth before the babble about having learned his lesson started tumbling out. He needed to show he could control himself - even now.

The sharpness in Grandma's voice made him remember that his ordeal wasn't over. "Mage Gwynvid, the High Priestess also reviewed your request for judgment. She wishes me to state her shock and horror over your behavior. Mages take a sacred oath to maintain the highest ethical standards at all times. You failed to do this. To increase your blunder, you did not remedy the situation once you realized what had happened. This is unacceptable behavior for a Mage sworn to uphold the Balance."

She paused then, and Win was afraid his joy might have been premature. Could the High Priestess take away his Mage status when the Council said he could keep it? She continued, "At the same time, Goddess councils us always to be aware of the weak nature of the human will. She seeks to challenge and assist those brave enough to do Her work in the world. In lieu of judgment and in Goddess's name, the High Priestess offers to you, Mage Gwynvid, the opportunity to rededicate your life to Her and Her work. Do you wish to avail yourself of Goddess's unending font of forgiveness and love?"

"Yes, Priestess, I do, and I thank the High Priestess for the opportunity." He knew "opportunity" translated into "ordeal," but he couldn't imagine any ordeal he wouldn't be glad to endure in order to remain a Mage.

Grandma almost smiled, and for the first time today, he felt a hint of warmth from her eyes. "The High Priestess is pleased with your choice, Mage Gwynvid. She suggests a Vigil of Atonement spent meditating on the tenets of the Balance, with special emphasis placed on the reasons those tenets are necessary. Once Goddess signals her forgiveness, you may rededicate yourself and your work to Her."

Win had to agree that a Vigil of Atonement was called for. He only wished he thought it would be a short one. "Thank you, Priestess. May I leave now?"

"In a moment, Mage Gwynvid. The High Priestess also suggests that, during your Vigil, you use a variation of the spell you used on Seer Diana on yourself. The wording she suggests is 'Goddess, I will listen to you and I will do as you say.' She suggests that such an experience would help you become a more wise and thoughtful Mage."

Win sucked in his breath, shocked. The idea of being told to use his powers in such a forbidden way! Except, was it forbidden? The High Priestess was merely suggesting a way to enhance his Vigil. Of course, a suggestion from the High Priestess was nothing to take lightly. He licked his lips. "I thank the High Priestess for her wise council."

Grandpa spoke then. "Mage Gwynvid, after your Vigil is complete and you have rededicated yourself to Goddess, come to my office. Bring your Amulet of Obedience."

Since his elevation from Apprentice to Mage, he hadn't been required to wear the Amulet of Obedience. Apparently, that would change now. He felt his cheeks burn at the insult - and more so at its necessity. "Yes, Guardian. Thank you, Guardian."

Grandma said, "May you please Goddess with the sincerity of your Vigil, Mage Gwynvid. You are dismissed."

The Pedestal of Judgment disappeared again and the elevator doors opened. He floated in, the doors closed behind him, and he sank to the floor in relief.

**

The relief lasted until he stood outside the Ritual Ground and contemplated what he'd been told to do. That was the reality of it - he needed to go along with every one of the High Priestess's suggestions in order to be accepted back into Goddess's service. And after all that, he had to go to Grandpa, Amulet in hand, and humble himself further.

But first things first. He steadied his breathing and pushed the door open. The Ritual Ground was lit dimly, night and day, and it took his eyes a few moments to adjust. When he did, he walked quickly to the altar in the middle and cast a magickal circle.

Normally, the next step in a Vigil of Atonement would be to kneel penitently in front of the altar and begin the meditation that had been suggested to him during judgment. The Vigil might last hours, and his body would be chilled to the bone long before it was over.

His friend Dion had claimed to use a discreet warming spell to ease the worst of the suffering from the cold, but Win had never known whether to believe him. Dion was the kind of guy who'd try to get away with something like that - but then again, he wouldn't hesitate to embroider reality, either.

For himself, he understood that part of the effectiveness of a Vigil was the penetrating cold. It reminded him that all warmth came from Goddess's love and forgiveness, and the desire to bask in that warmth helped increase his repentance and determination to do better in the future.

But thinking about all of that was simply a delaying tactic, and if he was to earn Goddess's forgiveness, he couldn't afford to seem unwilling or unready to atone.

He immediately knelt at the altar and spoke to Goddess. "Goddess, in taking away Seer Diana's free will, I have broken one of the sacred tenets of the Balance. I understand that and I sincerely regret my actions. Please help me to comprehend the full measure of my error, and to become a wiser, more cautious Mage."

Using the same magick he'd used on Diana, he cast the spell. "Goddess, I will listen to you and I will do as you say."

What would Goddess tell him to do?

CHAPTER SIX

Win's grandmother turned to Dee as the elevator doors closed behind Win. "Seer Diana, it is our custom here at the Stronghold to meet privately with each of our distinguished visitors shortly after their arrival. I regret that events delayed that meeting until tonight. Would eight o'clock in your suite be acceptable?"

Dee didn't want to meet privately with anyone who'd treat her grandchild the way Win had just been treated, but she realized she didn't really have a choice. "That would be fine."

"Excellent." Win's grandmother nodded, and she and Win's grandfather stood.

Su whispered, "Come on," and led her to the elevator.

The second the doors closed behind them, Su blew her breath out. "Win got off lucky. I've heard of Mages getting tossed for not much more than he did to you. You wanna come down to my place to eat? If you like veggie stir-fry, that is - I've got a ton of veggies to use up now that Win's back."

The mix of subjects was a little disconcerting, but Su was so natural and down-to-earth that Dee didn't really mind. "Sure, I'd like to eat with you. That way, I can ask you tons of questions."

Su laughed. "Fire away - I love to talk, as you've probably already figured out."

The elevator came to a stop, and the scene that greeted them was far from the understated comfort and peacefulness of the parts of the Stronghold Dee had seen so earlier. Wild colors abounded, and clothes and books were piled everywhere. "Oops," Su said. "I meant to clean up."

"That's okay." She followed Su through an area furnished like a family room into a kitchen about the size of the one in her apartment. "Do you live alone?"

Su shook her head. "Not normally. Win's room is on this level, too, and there's a room for our parents when they come out. Grandma and Grandpa stay away from here - all the chaos freaks them out."

"It feels homey to me." Not like any home Dee had ever known, but that was beside the point.

Su's head was inside the refrigerator now, choosing and discarding ingredients. "Might as well use all of this," she muttered, pulling out a bunch of broccoli.

"Doesn't Win like broccoli?"

Su laughed. "Win is into meat and potatoes and anything starchy. If he didn't expend so much energy doing magick, he'd weigh 300 pounds."

"Oh." Dee felt awkward. She always did when people talked about weight. She felt like the whole conversation was directed at her. "I try to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables."

But honesty made her add, "Sweets are my downfall."

"Mine, too," Su said. "I'll have a really sensible dinner sometimes, and then eat a quart of ice cream watching TV."

"You do that, too?" Dee felt like she'd met a kindred soul - for about five seconds. Then she realized that Su couldn't possibly be anywhere near as much of a pig as Dee was. She didn't even weigh a hundred pounds!

Dee suddenly noticed how much space she was taking up in the small kitchen. She'd better get out so Su wouldn't be crowded. She drifted back into the family room area.

Su said, "You can turn the TV or stereo on, if you want. Or you can ask some of your questions."

She'd ask questions. That would take her mind off her weight. "How about if you translate Win's judgments for me?"

"Translate them? Oh, you mean what a Vigil of Atonement is, and stuff like that. Well, it's a ritual - we have lots of rituals - where a person spends time meditating about what they did that was wrong. It's done in the Ritual Ground, which is hundreds of feet down - below sea level, I think. There's an altar and a bunch of empty space and that's basically it."

She pulled out a cutting board and started chopping vegetables. "The theory is that Goddess is there with you the whole time during the Vigil. She knows if you're serious or just faking being sorry, and She kind of adjusts the length of the Vigil to how bad you were and how sincerely you repent. When it's over, you know it because the lights get bright."

"How long do these Vigils last?"

"It varies. A lot of times, only a couple of hours - but let me tell you, that's plenty long enough to really regret what you did. I've never done one for more than about three hours - oh, and you don't have a watch and there're no clocks, so you don't have a clue about the time until you come out."

"How long will Win's be?" She was already sure she wouldn't like the answer.

Su shrugged. "I really couldn't guess. I think his longest one before was about seven hours - that was one of the ones because of Tanissa."

"Tanissa?" She'd known he must have a girlfriend. Any guy that great-looking would.

"This girl who used to study here. She had her hooks in Win from day one and he just let her lead him around by his -" She covered her mouth. "Sorry. I hated her, and I get kind of carried away sometimes. I'm really glad she finally got kicked out."

So was Dee, although that was mean of her. Win wouldn't suddenly find her attractive simply because his regular girlfriend wasn't available. "I'll bet he got another girlfriend right away."

"No. This assignment came through, and he left." Su scraped some onions into a frying pan and looked over at Dee. "You know, if you like him, you should make sure he knows. He's kind of dense sometimes - and so focused on magick most of the rest of the time that he zones on interpersonal stuff."

Dee felt her cheeks burning. "That's not why I said that! Besides, he doesn't even know I'm a woman."

That wasn't true. He'd known it - and reacted to it - on the floor in her apartment. She shouldn't think about that. It made her want things she'd never have.

"If you say so." Su - thankfully - dropped the subject. She opened the fridge again and took out a beer. "Want one?"

Very much so. But she tried not to drink beer too often - it made her eat too much and gain weight. On the other hand, they were having veggie stir-fry tonight! "Sure."

Su popped the top and handed it to her, then took another out for herself. "So, are you ready for the big speech about the Balance and Goddess and everything?" As if in preparation, she took a long swallow of beer.

"Sure." Dee sat on a stool across the breakfast bar from the kitchen and sipped her own beer. Just what she'd needed! "But first, is there anything I can do to help? You're going to a lot of trouble..."

"Nah, just sit and relax. I wasn't almost blown up this morning."

That's right! That had been this morning! It seemed so much longer ago.

"Okay, I guess I'll start from the top - Goddess. She's the creator of everything, and we worship her and look to her for guidance all the time. Grandma says that Goddess talks to her sometimes, but I have to admit I don't know if I believe that. She's certainly never said anything to me, but maybe that's just because I'm not very important. Still, sometimes, I - well, like in a Vigil sometimes, I'll suddenly see something so obvious that I've been missing, like, forever... And I wonder later - did Goddess put that in my head?"

More likely Vigils were the only time that Su was quiet long enough to put two thoughts together. That was an awful thing to think! Dee was glad Goddess wasn't listening in to her thoughts right now!

Su continued, "So that's Goddess. Our religion is called the Balance, and that refers to the balance between good and evil. The way we look at it, Goddess created everything, both good and evil. Because of that, we don't try to eradicate evil totally - it has its place in the world. But we do try to make it so that the good in the world outweighs the evil."

That didn't seem to make sense. "But take this Shiva guy who's after me. He's evil, and he wants to kill me, and I guess he wants to kill Win now, too. Yet you Balance people don't want to kill him?"

Su shook her head. "Oh, no! I gave you the wrong idea. Of course we want to kill him - unless he'll stop trying to kill you and harm others on his own, and that's not likely. I'm sure somebody will get that assignment before too long, in fact. What I was meaning is that we don't have the lofty and impossible goal of eradicating evil. Evil will continue to exist, just like good. But if because of what we do, it harms fewer people than it otherwise would, then we feel successful."

Dee nodded. "Okay. That makes sense. Now, who are all the people I've heard mentioned today? There's the Council, the High Priestess..."

"Right. Well, the High Priestess is the most important. She's the one who understands Goddess's plan the best of all of us, and she talks with Goddess pretty much all the time, I guess. The Council comes next, and they're more concerned with the how of doing things than the whys. That'll make more sense if I give you an example, I guess."

"I think I see it already. Win called the Council this morning, not the High Priestess."

"He did?" Su asked. "Wow. I didn't realize that. I forget sometimes how important he is." She was stir-frying onions and broccoli now, and they smelled wonderful.

"He's important?" That made her feel kind of warm inside.

"Yeah. First of all, being a Mage is important, because Mages do so much of Goddess's work in the world. But Win's, like, specialer than that. Grandma tells me about how proud she is of him sometimes - she always makes me promise not to tell him, though, 'cause it would make his head swell way up."

"Why is he so special?"

"Because he has so much magickal power, and he's so gung-ho about the Balance. Our dad has lots of power, too, but he refused training - I guess that practically broke Grandpa's heart. Dad didn't want to let Win get training, either, but Win wanted it so bad Dad couldn't say no."

She grinned. "By the time I wanted to come for Healer training, Dad hardly argued with me. Anyway, Grandma says that if Win does okay with his first few Mage assignments, he might actually get made a Guardian in a couple of years - and that's unheard of!"

More terminology! "A Guardian - that's what your grandfather is. Right?"

"Right. And it's way more responsibility than being a Mage, because you've got this whole region counting on you - did Win explain about regions?"

"He mentioned them. I don't know how big they are, though."

Mushrooms got dumped into the skillet. "That varies - both in size and in population. Grandpa's region is Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Nevada, and part of Montana."

"How can he keep track of such a huge area?" Sometimes, like right now, the reality of Dee's whole new world seemed questionable. Maybe the whole last several days had been a dream.

Su shrugged. "I don't know, but he does. You might ask Win - he spends a lot more time with Grandpa than I do."

Dee doubted that she'd have a chance to ask Win much of anything. He'd brought her here safely, and that had been his assignment. He'd be given another assignment soon, and would have no time for her. Neither would he have the interest to make time.

Su giggled. "I know you said you weren't interested, but you'd be the perfect lifemate for Win."

**

[Gwynvid, stand and hold your arms out at shoulder height.]

What? Who was mind-speaking to him? Win glanced around him before remembering that he was alone in the Ritual Ground. [Goddess?]

Instead of an answer being placed in his mind, the words that were already there started doing something painful.

STAND AND HOLD YOUR ARMS OUT AT SHOULDER HEIGHT.

STAND AND HOLD YOUR ARMS OUT AT SHOULDER HEIGHT.

Oh. Goddess was showing him how it felt to be the subject of a compulsion spell. The command was burning in his brain, just like Diana had said.

STAND AND HOLD YOUR ARMS OUT AT SHOULDER HEIGHT.

Ouch. The burning got worse if he didn't obey the command. He'd better stand and hold his arms out.

There. He could breathe again. But the burning was still there, just at the edge of his perception. What would happen if he -

Putting his arms down was not a good idea. Okay, so he'd just stand here. It wasn't like Goddess was asking him to do anything impossible.

This was actually pretty cool. Goddess was interacting directly with him, and he was only a Mage. She'd spoken to him during the ritual that made him a Mage, but only briefly and somewhat impersonally. This was personal.

That wasn't to say that he'd ever doubted She knew everything that he and everyone else did. He'd simply figured that She had more important things to do with Her time than making sure an inexperienced Mage fully appreciated the error of his ways.

She'd be pleased with the depth of his understanding and regret.

**

Dee choked on her beer. "Perfect lifemate? Does that mean what I think it means - and if so, maybe you'd better lay off the beer."

Su took a big swig of beer. "I'm not drunk - I simply made an observation. See, Win's big problem career- wise is that he's got about as much precognitive ability as this skillet. You, on the other hand, have tons - or so I understand. So if you guys were lifemates, you could use your Sight to help him."

She wouldn't be using her Sight to help anyone, but instead of saying that, she said, "You didn't explain about lifemates."

"You know how people always talk about love at first sight?"

"Yeah, only it's lust, and nobody ever'll feel it for me."

Su shook her head. "You shouldn't say that. Anyway, lifemates is the same only different. The theory is that when Goddess creates a person, She creates their lifemate at the same time. And then She splits their soul between them - so each of them is missing a piece of themselves. One of the things that each of us is put on earth to do is to find that missing part of our soul and to reunite the pieces. Then we become the whole beings that Goddess created."

Dee's heart softened. Wouldn't that be wonderful? But impossible. Maybe magick was real and maybe she could See the future, but that didn't mean she had a lifemate.

She sipped her beer again, hoping that would make the sad feeling inside go away. "But from what you're saying, lifemates are born that way."

"Sure," Su nodded. "But did you ever wonder why Goddess sent Win to protect you?"

She objected, "You said the Council made decisions like that."

Su waved that detail away. "Well, sure. But Grandpa says that Goddess advises them on most of their big decisions."

Dee suddenly realized what was going on. Su had probably been lonely without Win around recently, and she seemed to like Dee. She was matchmaking, plain and simple.

It wouldn't do her a bit of good. Unfortunately.

**

Win was dying here. Holding his arms out at shoulder height might not seem like a big deal, but he'd been doing it an awfully long time now.

His shoulders hurt - and that didn't seem right, given the amount of time he normally spent exercising. Goddess wasn't making his muscles and joints protest, was She?

How could he even think that? Goddess wouldn't do that! She wanted him to understand, yes, but She wouldn't manipulate him to accomplish that.

No. His shoulders felt like somebody had driven spikes into them simply because he'd been in this same position for too long. That was why his hands were tingling like crazy, too.

The really weird thing was that, even with these physical pains taking up so much of his attention, he could still feel the words simmering in his brain. STAND AND HOLD YOUR ARMS OUT SHOULDER HEIGHT.

Diana had endured that for more than eighteen hours!

[Goddess, please don't make this last for eighteen hours! I get the point!]

**

Dee had assumed that Su would stay with her while she met with Priestess Aradia. Su knew that Dee was apprehensive about the meeting, after all.

But Su simply saw her to the elevator and told it to take Dee to her level. She said, "I'm sorry, but I have studying to do tonight. Anyway, Grandma will want to meet with you alone. It's always done that way."

These people certainly put great stock in formality and tradition! As a small rebellion, Dee waited for the other woman in the lounge by the elevator instead of inside her suite. Su had told her no one else was staying on this level, so it wouldn't inconvenience anyone. Maybe it would also give Win's grandmother a message.

The woman arrived promptly. In a distinct contrast to this afternoon's stiff gold robe and elaborate jewelry, she wore a simple almost muu-muu-like garment in muted lavender. "I hope your accommodations are acceptable, Seer Diana."

"They're fine, Priestess." Was that what she was supposed to call her?

"Aradia," the other woman corrected with a surprisingly warm smile. "We use titles primarily on formal occasions."

"In that case, Aradia, please call me Dee."

"Certainly. Shall we sit?"

It didn't feel much like a question, so Dee sat on one of the facing couches that Aradia had indicated.

Aradia sat across from her and pressed her lips together. "Dee, Ogma and I want you to know how very sorry we are that your first introduction to us and the Stronghold came in such an unpleasant circumstance."

Dee didn't respond. It wouldn't be polite to say that, despite Su's best efforts, she still thought they'd been unnecessarily cruel to their grandson.

Perhaps Aradia knew that was how she felt, because she said, "I truly mean that word - unfortunate. Ogma and I have served Goddess for many years, and I don't remember a time when it was any more painful to do Her will. We love Win deeply - almost passionately - and in so many more ways than if he was an ordinary young man and we ordinary grandparents. He is -"

She broke off, frowning, then nodded a single time, decisively. "Yes, I must be frank with you. Win is extraordinarily gifted. He has powerful magick skills - much more than he has yet controlled. He is also unusually devoted to the Balance, and determined to do Goddess's will in the world. The combination is extremely rare, especially in one so young. He is being watched closely by the Council - and by Goddess, of course."

She shook her head sadly. "You cannot imagine our shock and consternation when we learned that Win had compelled you. It - it was like we'd raised this child from infancy knowing that stealing was wrong, and we'd been proud when he refused to join his peers in stealing candy, and when he made his schoolmate give back the lunch money he'd stolen. And then suddenly, this ideal boy was arrested for grand theft auto!"

"But, Aradia, people make mistakes!"

"Certainly. We understand that. Also, Win's youth and inexperience was taken into account, too. But he is a Mage, and the powers a Mage wields are truly awesome. He must learn why it was wrong to violate your free will, not just understand intellectually that it was."

She leaned forward to explain. "We realize that the situation was a difficult one, and that gaining your trust and cooperation would not have been easy in the time available. But if he had truly understood the meaning behind our rules, he would have found another way." She sighed. "I think some of us thought that he already had that depth of comprehension, and I suspect this has been a valuable learning experience for us as well."

Aradia sounded almost proud then, and Dee couldn't help herself. She asked, "Does that mean that you will be doing a Vigil of Atonement, also?"

Aradia's mouth dropped half-open. Probably no one had dared speak to her that way in a long time.

She blinked a couple of times before saying, "Such matters are considered private. But in this case, I believe you deserve an answer. I could not meet with you this afternoon because I was in the Ritual Ground, doing my own Vigil. In my case, it was a Vigil for Understanding rather than one of Atonement."

**

Did Goddess want Win to start crying and begging for mercy? Because that was going to happen before much longer. His hands had lost all feeling long ago - a relief after the incessant tingling he'd endured before that. But his shoulders certainly hadn't lost feeling! It took every ounce of strength he had just to live through each moment.

Something felt different all of a sudden, and it took him a few seconds to realize what it was. The burning words were gone from his mind! He could lower his arms!

Ow! Maybe if he did it gradually? Yeah, that was better. It still hurt, but it was bearable. Oh - his knees were stiff, too.

As soon as his painful body would allow, he sat on the floor and took turns massaging each shoulder with the opposite hand.

That had been awful! Why had Goddess made him do it? He already understood that the compulsion spell had been wrong. She didn't have to use such drastic methods.

It wasn't like he'd compelled Diana to do something painful!

CHAPTER SEVEN

Dee had gotten just exactly what she deserved. She'd tried to embarrass Aradia, and instead, she'd been embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, Aradia - that was a terrible thing for me to ask!"

"It was understandable, given the circumstances," Aradia said. "You must have been horrified by the way Ogma and I treated Win."

"Well, yes. Su explained that you had to be hard on him, but you were so cold and formal!"

Aradia nodded. "That's how judgments are conducted. Goddess has very high expectations of those of us who serve Her - by necessity. Evil doesn't care that those fighting it have good intentions. Effective, well-timed action is all that accomplishes our goals, and lives are lost or destroyed anytime we fail. Each of us must learn to face our errors forthrightly and to find the courage and wisdom to change. The judgment procedure is how we do that."

She smiled. "And, Dee, you need to realize that Win is no stranger to judgment. He has been submitting himself for judgment since his biggest sin was sneaking cookies in between meals."

Dee had a vivid image of an impossibly-cute young Win, caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I see your smile," Aradia said with one of her own. "Yes, he was an adorable little boy, and in between his bouts of childish misbehavior, he was nearly as focused on doing Goddess's work as he is today. Those summers he spent here were incredibly special for all of us."

She smiled again and shook her head. "But I didn't come here to discuss Win or his judgment. I came because you and I need to plan your training."

"Can you make my Sight go away?" Dee asked.

"No one can do that, Dee, nor should they. It's a Gift from Goddess."

"One I don't want! My dreams are horrible, and they make me afraid to sleep at night."

Aradia's expression was pained. "But Sight is so very important! It's what saved your life and Win's this morning."

"But if I didn't have those stupid dreams, none of this would have happened! I would still be in my apartment in Beaverton, and Shiva would be bothering someone else."

"But Shiva would still exist, Dee. Maybe your life wouldn't be impacted directly by him, but you can't mean to say that it would be fine with you for him to kill other people."

"Well, no. But you'll stop him, even without my help."

Aradia nodded and sighed. "Yes, we will, and I sympathize with your reluctance. Serving Goddess is a difficult calling, and it is to no one's benefit to force you into that life. But there is other training you need, no matter what course your life follows."

Dee breathed a little easier. Aradia was a formidable woman, and arguing with her was difficult. But she was also a smart woman - she might be simply pretending to give in. "What other training? Win said I could learn to hide my ability."

"That's right," Aradia said. "It's a matter of mental control. You'll also need to be able to protect yourself from elementary magick. A surprising number of people in what you'd call the ordinary world use magick - often without even realizing what they are doing."

Protecting herself from magick? Nice idea, but was it realistic? "Would I have been safe from Shiva if I'd had this training already?"

Aradia's forehead wrinkled. "Not necessarily. We're not quite sure what Shiva's capabilities are. The Council had thought he posed only a moderate threat, and that it would be safe to put off dealing with him temporarily."

She pressed her lips together before continuing, "You must understand, there are nowhere near enough Mages to deal with every problem as it arises. Strong magickal talent is rare, even in Balance families, and the will to fight for our cause is even rarer. Our Healers are capable of near-miracles, but being a Mage is still an extremely dangerous job, and many Mages do not survive their first few assignments."

"No!" The protest was out of Dee's mouth before she could stop it. The thought that Win might die...

Aradia smiled, but her eyes sparkled with tears. "Unfortunately, yes. Being the lifemate of a Mage - or one's parent or grandparent - is much like being related to a policeman or fireman in your world."

How could Aradia sit there smiling? Dee barely knew Win, and the realization of how close his death might be took her breath away.

Briskly again, Aradia said, "Now, as to your training -"

Dee put her hand up. "Stop right there. I didn't agree to any training. I asked what kind of training, and whether it would have protected me from Shiva. But you don't know that it would have - so why should I bother?"

The regal Priestess from this afternoon made a swift return. "Because it's your responsibility to the Balance. If you can't protect yourself, the Council will assign a Mage to keep you safe. As I already told you there aren't enough Mages, so some call for help somewhere will go unanswered - all because of your selfishness."

"I'm not being selfish!" she insisted. "I didn't ask to have my life ruined with what you persist in calling a gift."

Surprisingly, Aradia didn't argue. She said, "Look at it on a personal level, Dee. Would you want Win to die trying to save you from something you could have protected yourself from?"

"Of course not."

"Then at least begin your training. If you find it isn't working for you, we'll talk again." She paused for a few seconds, then said, "It's only fair to try. Don't you agree?"

Dee nodded. "I guess. So what's involved with this training, anyway?"

Aradia smiled. "You'll find many textbooks available in our library, and you can access them from the computer in your suite. I'll give you a list of introductory books, but you can choose which you want to start with."

"In addition, I believe that some formal classes would be appropriate. Unfortunately, the beginning students tend to be quite young, so we'll start with you sitting in on practice sessions with students more your own age. They'll get a chance to show off their progress, and you'll gain an understanding of how we develop the mind-control necessary to use our magickal power."

Dee's stomach twirled with apprehension. "I wasn't a very good student in school. Are you sure I can learn what I need to?"

"I'm very sure, Dee," Aradia reassured her. "Sight doesn't emerge without training often - and it's virtually never as clear and accurate as yours is. Once you begin to train your mind, you'll be amazed at your progress."

Win had said that with enough training, she might be able to compel him.

But even magick couldn't make her into someone he'd want to be with.

**

[Gwynvid, meditate on the tenets of the Balance.]

Win asked, [Why are you compelling me to do that, Goddess? I'm already doing it.]

She didn't answer.

MEDITATE ON THE TENETS OF THE BALANCE.

The words were burning in his brain again - oh, he hated that! The burning wasn't very bad, so maybe he was doing okay. Maybe she just wanted him to remember why he was here.

He was here because he'd violated Diana's free will. The second major tenet of the Balance was "All people are entitled to follow the dictates of their own free will, except if doing so violates the free will of others."

Compulsion spells were intended to gain temporary control of animals, and even then, their use was controversial. Many people felt that the use of the word "others" in the phrase "except if doing so violates the free will of others" referred to all of Goddess's creatures, not just humans.

Win decided to examine why he'd done the spell. He'd been worried about Shiva coming after Diana, but how had that worry caused him to discard his training? When had he decided to use the spell?

That was easy. He'd decided after she kneed him in the balls, when he was struggling to stay on top of her and immobilize her. He'd realized that she wouldn't listen to him, and that he needed to find another solution. He should have found a different solution than compelling her.

But what other solution had there been?

**

As soon as Aradia left, Dee went to the computer and started reading the basic magick textbook that Aradia had recommended. It was full of exercises on visualization - seeing something with one's mind instead of one's eyes.

The first exercise reminded her of a game she'd played at the few birthday parties she'd been invited to as a child. In the game, the birthday girl's mother brought a tray full of simple everyday objects into the room. Everyone studied the tray for several minutes before it was taken away. Each girl then made a list of as many of the objects as she could remember, and the girl with the most correct answers won a small prize.

Dee still remembered her excitement when she won the game that first time. She'd listed every single object - twelve in all - and none of the other girls had more than seven correct answers. One of the girls had accused her of cheating, but no one took that seriously - they'd been together the whole afternoon.

She'd received a fancy hair barrette as her prize, and she'd still had that barrette when she married Barry. She'd displayed it on her dressing table. He'd noticed it the first night in their new house as he stood behind her, watching her brush her hair.

That was back at the beginning, when he spent a few minutes touching her before sex. He was playing with her breasts and rubbing his erection against her back. Out of the blue, he asked, "What's that?"

She explained about winning the barrette at a birthday party, already feeling embarrassed at being so sentimental.

He grabbed it off the dressing table and said, "You don't need crap like this. If you want doodads for your hair, I'll buy you ones made of solid gold."

"It's not to wear," she protested. "I just like having it."

"That's the problem with you, Diana. You don't have an ounce of taste." Since they'd already had a couple of talks about her weight, she knew his word choice was deliberate. "Well, I'm through coddling you - if you expect to remain my wife, you'll shape up. Come with me."

She didn't have a choice about it - he wrapped his hand around her lower arm and pulled her into the bathroom. He dropped the barrette in the toilet.

"Please don't!" she begged him. "I'll put it away in a drawer - you'll never have to see it again!"

"So you want it back, huh? Let's see if you can earn it." He lowered the lid on the toilet, sat down, and opened his pants. "I've been way too nice - it's time you start being a proper wife. Give me a blow job."

She only had a vague idea of how to do it, but she got down on her knees and tried. He criticized her the whole time and nearly choked her by forcing himself so far down her throat. Still, she swallowed gallons of his semen, so she thought she'd done pretty well.

But then he'd smiled the mean smile she would learn to dread, and he'd flushed the toilet anyway. "I don't reward substandard performance, Diana. Learn from this."

What she'd learned was that Barry was cruel - and that she was incompetent and undeserving of kindness.

But these people didn't think so! Win and Su treated her like a human being, and Aradia seemed to take it for granted that Dee could learn at least a little magick.

She realized that she wanted to please these people - to prove that she was worth something! She returned to thoughts of that childhood game with new-found determination.

Playing the game had been so easy it was almost like cheating. All she'd had to do was close her eyes and picture the tray itself in her mind - the objects appeared without any conscious thought.

In later years at school, she'd sometimes been able to do well on tests if the questions called for information right out of the textbook - assuming she'd read the book. She wasn't good at interpreting the information, but she could quote it back perfectly. She'd used that ability constantly when she worked at Mickelson and Company, too.

Any time she had a question about one of the software programs she was using, she visualized the manual in her mind. She'd start by looking at the table of contents, and when she found the right section, she just thought about it, and she was remembering the contents of that page.

The other administrative assistants had come to her frequently with questions. She'd enjoyed that slight importance until one day when she overheard one of the women say to another, "It's no surprise that Dee knows these manuals cover-to-cover. Reading them's what she does in place of having a social life." The comment was true, but that only made it more hurtful.

The magick book said that clear and vivid visualization was the key to doing magick. It cautioned the reader to take their time over the exercises, doing each one thoroughly and carefully before moving on to the next.

Dee took her time, but she still finished the first several exercises within half an hour. They were all variations on the skill she already had - the skill of picturing something she'd seen as it was when she saw it. Based on the amount of space the book devoted to encouragement and discussion of possible problems readers might be having, Dee guessed that many people had trouble with this type of visualization.

She moved on to visualizing objects that she hadn't actually seen, and to making those objects move. One exercise had her create an orange sphere in her mind, then start it spinning. Then she had to change the color of the spinning sphere from orange to blue, and add pulsing dots of light in various places on the sphere. Finally, she was told to switch her vantage point - so that she was looking at the axis the globe was spinning on. She had to visualize a bright green dot on the unmoving axis, while still watching the rest of the blue globe spin.

Those exercises were more of a challenge, but she didn't have any real difficulty with them. Did this mean that she might be good at magick?

She finally decided to go to bed, as much as she wanted to continue practicing. She needed to be fresh tomorrow when she attended her first formal practice session.

**

That last compulsion was still burning in Win's brain, at least six or eight hours after Goddess had placed it there.

MEDITATE ON THE TENETS OF THE BALANCE.

Well, he'd been doing just exactly that, ever since his Vigil started. He wasn't a child who needed constant watching to make sure he followed orders - he was a Mage and he knew how to control his mind.

But wasn't this exactly what he'd done to Diana? He'd left that COOPERATE compulsion in effect, even after she'd asked him to remove it. He hadn't been sure she wouldn't run away.

He could have solved that problem, right there in the motel room. He could have explained the situation more fully - and demonstrated his magick, so Diana would have had to believe him. He could have replayed the scene with Tanissa, especially her little tirade at the end about Shiva and the Queen and sacrificing Diana. That would have convinced her.

Well, actually, it might not have. She hadn't been willing to accept anything he told her about magick, and she might have fallen back on the same old hypnosis argument rather than believe the evidence of her eyes.

But he could have tried. It might have worked, and that would have been great. If not, maybe something else would have worked. But instead, he took the easy way out. He was tired and didn't want to expend any more energy than absolutely necessary, so he left the compulsion spell in effect. The cost to Diana wasn't a factor that seemed important.

Yet it was all-important! He'd been so proud of himself, back there in that motel room. He was too moral to take Diana up on her offer of sex, even though he wanted her. It wouldn't be right - since she was compelled to cooperate, she couldn't refuse.

But wasn't compelling her the moral equivalent of raping her? And considering how long she'd been compelled, it might be worse.

How could he ever face her again? Every single time he looked at her, he'd know that he'd committed an unpardonable sin against her.

Yet Diana had spoken up for him at his Judgment! She'd said she hated being compelled, but that he'd had to do it to save her from Shiva.

He hadn't had to do it, though! And he shouldn't have done it - whether or not he considered the tenets of the Balance. It was wrong on a human-to-human level.

How could she be so forgiving? He wished he could thank her right now.

"You can." A woman's voice shattered the stillness.

"Wh -" He must be having auditory hallucinations. There was no one else here, and the voice definitely didn't belong to Grandma or anyone else at the Stronghold.

"Do you doubt that I'm here with you, Mage Gwynvid?" The voice was sharp now.

Goddess! He'd been taught that Goddess would come to him in varying ways during a Vigil, but to speak to him? "No, Goddess, I know you're with me. I -"

"I know. You're surprised. Mages always are - the first time." Did she sound amused? "You wish to thank Seer Diana for her forgiveness. So call her here and tell her. Heal the rift between you."

Call her here? "There's no phone here, Goddess."

"You do not need a telephone, Mage. Mind-speak to her. She will come."

"I can't -"

"Do not tell me that! You can and will call her!"

He had no choice. He had to obey Goddess's orders.

His mind reached for Diana's.

**

What an odd dream! Just a voice calling her name, over and over. Win's voice, in fact.

[Diana, wake up!]

There it was again - but she was awake, wasn't she?

[Diana, you hear me, don't you?]

She must still be asleep. She'd answer the voice and maybe it would go away. "I hear you. What do you want?"

[I need you to get dressed and come here.]

"Why? And where are you?"

[I'm in the Ritual Ground, doing my Vigil.]

"Where is that?" But did that matter in a dream?

[I'll send the elevator when you're ready. You should wear one of the ceremonial robes from the closet.]

This was a really weird dream - but at least it wasn't one of the awful ones. She could deal with this one. She climbed out of bed and went to the closet. Those didn't look like robes to her! They were thin - more like lightweight nightgowns, although they had reasonable necklines and looked like they'd cover her past the knees. She took one off its hanger and reached for the hem of the flannel gown she'd found in a drawer.

Hey, wait a minute! Yes, this was a dream, but if Win was talking to her, he could probably see her, too. "Can you see me?"

[No, I can't see you. I'm just mind-speaking to you.]

That sounded amazingly like the real Win. He'd use what was apparently a Mage technical term and expect her to understand.

Still, she'd go into the bathroom to change - and maybe do a few other things, too. This might be a dream, but she wasn't going to meet Win without brushing her teeth and combing her hair.

The second she opened her suite door, the elevator doors dinged open. "I'm supposed to get in - right?" She stepped on without waiting for his answer.

[That's right. I appreciate this, Diana.]

Why wasn't she surprised that he was calling her Diana again? The elevator began a rapid descent that lasted many seconds. It came to rest, but the doors didn't open.

[This is a sacred level, Diana. While you are not part of the Balance yet, I must ask you to respect our religion while you are here.]

"I will, Win." Nerves skittered in her stomach. She didn't consider herself religious, but even the air inside the elevator seemed suddenly more pure. "But what am I supposed to do?"

The elevator doors opened and Win spoke again. [Follow the corridor to the end. I will meet you at the door.]

That wasn't a very complete answer, but she didn't object. This dream was too interesting to derail. The corridor was plain, with only one other door on it.

The door at the end opened as she reached it. Win stood inside, wearing a robe just like hers. "Thank you for coming, Diana," he said, and his voice sounded more full- bodied than it had earlier. "Please step inside."

She did, then saw him close the door and make a right-to-left slashing motion in mid-air. She glanced around quickly. It was hard to make out many details in the dim light, but she thought the walls of this room - it was a room, wasn't it? - were made of raw stone. The ceiling was incredibly high - as though it didn't exist, although she knew it must. The floor was almost definitely raw stone, and it was cold on her bare feet. Win's feet were bare, too, but he showed no discomfort.

"Come to the altar," he said, and led her to the center of the room. What he called the altar was a smallish stone slab on a pedestal about waist-height. A few objects - an ornate knife, a brass bowl, several delicate pitchers containing different liquids, and a length of what looked to be clothesline - sat on the altar, surrounded by a ring of white candles that burned without smoke.

He faced her, his back to the altar. "I called you here to heal the damage I caused by placing you under a compulsion spell."

He was going to Heal her? Like he'd Healed his leg? No, thanks! "You don't need to Heal me. I'm fine."

He shook his head. "I wronged you, Diana, yet still, you spoke on my behalf at my Judgment. I'm grateful for that. I ask you for forgiveness, and to accept that I am now a better person."

"I forgive you, Win. I know you only did what you thought you had to."

"But I should have prevented Shiva's followers from getting to you! If I'd been a better Mage, I wouldn't have been lured out of my apartment that morning, and they wouldn't have gotten to you." He spoke as though his mistakes had resulted in utter failure.

She touched his arm. "But Win, they didn't get me. They almost did, but you stopped that from happening. I'm grateful to you for that."

"You are?" He seemed stunned by the idea.

She nodded. "I don't understand much about the Balance or being a Mage, but I do understand that you saved my life. If you hadn't been there and forced me to go with you, I would have gone to the bookstore, and Shiva would have killed me."

Win pondered that for a few moments. "Nevertheless, it was wrong for me to compel you. Simply because I had the power to compel you doesn't mean I had the right to do it. Again, I beg you to forgive me, even though my sin is past forgiveness."

She smiled and shook her head. "Even though you are a Mage, you are also a man, and you make errors. Again, Win, I forgive you."

This time, he seemed to accept her words. "Then would you join me in a ritual symbolizing that our relationship has been restored?"

Their relationship? They didn't have a relationship, did they?

Win added, "It's really a very simple ceremony. It'll only take a couple of minutes."

"All right. What do I need to do?" She hoped Win was telling the truth that it was simple.

He took the clothesline off the altar and her heart rate accelerated. He smiled and tied one end of the line to his left wrist. "Please trust me, Diana. I would never hurt you."

"I know," she said, but she wasn't as sure of that as she wanted to be.

He took her right wrist and gently tied the other end of the rope around it. They were connected now. "Diana, this cord symbolizes our relationship before I violated it by placing a compulsion spell on you. We were tied together because of our powers and our roles in the Balance. I was your sworn protector."

He took the knife from the altar and slashed through the cord. "But I destroyed our relationship and violated the most sacred tenets of the Balance. I have spent the hours since we arrived here seeking Goddess's forgiveness and acceptance. I now ask the same of you." He dropped to his knees at her feet. "Diana, will you forgive me and accept me as your protector once more?"

"Yes, I will."

He rose to his feet fluidly - not like he'd been in this cold room for the last twelve hours. "Then let us reunite the cord that binds us together." Using only his right hand, he quickly retied the pieces of rope. "I pledge to you, Diana, on my honor as a Mage, that I will never again do anything to sever this bond."

A subtle change in his body language made her suspect that the ritual was now complete. They were still tied together, though, so maybe not. She waited.

A few seconds later, he slipped the cord off his wrist without untying it, then slipped the other end off hers. "As a symbol of my pledge, I ask you to keep this cord."

That seemed a little strange, but the Balance seemed to put a lot of emphasis on symbolism and formality, so she agreed. "All right."

She expected him to hand it to her, but he leaned forward and wrapped it around her waist. She held her breath and stayed motionless, thinking he'd tie it loosely and might not touch her. Instead, he tied it close around her waist, his warm hands hovering in the area for much longer than seemed absolutely necessary.

That was when she remembered the whole thing was a dream.

That made sense. The real Win wouldn't have the slightest interest in touching her body.

**

Was Goddess really all-knowing? Win hoped not, or else he'd spend the whole rest of his life completing this Vigil. He'd touched only Diana's waist - lightly and impersonally, at that - yet his body was going crazy. That couldn't be acceptable in the Ritual Ground during a Vigil!

Quickly, he finished tying the cord around Diana's waist and escorted her from the Ritual Ground. At nearly the last second, he remembered to cut an exit in the magick circle so she could safely leave. He re-sealed the exit, then returned to the altar and started to kneel. Maybe if he demonstrated his sincerity to Goddess, She wouldn't penalize him for his uninvited reaction to Diana's body.

The lights suddenly came on, as bright as he'd ever seen them. That meant his Vigil had been accepted! Before She had a chance to change her mind, he recited the familiar words, "Goddess, I praise You and I thank You for Your endless guidance, forgiveness, and love. I am now and will forever be Your servant. My life is dedicated to Your cause and is Yours to command."

As he genuflected, Goddess spoke. "I have plans for you, Mage Gwynvid. Listen for them always."

Her words sounded ominous.

CHAPTER EIGHT

An hour after his Vigil ended, Win presented himself at Grandpa's office. He'd showered, dressed, and eaten a light meal, but he wasn't sure if he should have done any of those things. Grandpa might have meant he was to come directly here from the Ritual Ground.

The deciding factor had been that his Vigil had lasted more than twelve hours, and he'd been without food for at least eighteen hours. Grandpa would probably want him to start training right away - right after he accepted Win's apology, at least. And it might not be a simple apology Grandpa wanted, either.

What Win really needed was about twelve hours of sleep, a couple of huge meals, and - well, there was no point even thinking about the rest of it. It wasn't going to happen. A shower and a light meal had been the best he could do, under the circumstances.

He knocked on the door and it opened. Grandpa sat at his massive console of equipment - powered by a mixture of computers and magick, he knew. Win stood at the end of the console, waiting until Grandpa glanced at him and nodded. "Guardian, I come here as directed. My Vigil of Atonement is complete and I have rededicated my life to Goddess. I wish to apologize for my extreme disrespect, and I humbly request that I be allowed to continue training."

An outsider might think that Grandpa's face showed no kindness or mercy, but Win could see a distinct difference since yesterday afternoon. Grandpa asked, "Did you bring your Amulet of Obedience?"

Win's heart sagged. He'd hoped that had been only a threat. "Yes, Guardian. Am I to wear it?"

Grandpa nodded. "Yes, Mage. You are to wear it during normal activities until directed otherwise. During training, you are to remove it lest it interfere with the magick you must wield."

His expression softened into something more familiar - that of a caring but demanding teacher and grandfather. "As we've discussed many times, Win, the road to becoming a Guardian is a long and difficult path. It is not always your magickal skills that are tested, but also your strength of will and your personal maturity. And sometimes, failure is the best teacher there is. I do not tell you to wear your Amulet to shame you or to exact petty revenge for your disrespect. I tell you to wear it as a reminder of the course you've chosen to follow."

He placed his big hand on Win's arm and nearly smiled. "You are a Mage, son of my heart. Your life is dedicated to Goddess, and your every action must be pleasing to her. That is why I tell you to wear your Amulet during your daily activities - so that you keep Goddess in your heart and mind constantly. If you keep Her there, She will direct you unerringly, and you will achieve greatness."

Greatness? Grandpa thought he could achieve greatness? Before he could begin to react, Grandpa said, "Go now and return this time tomorrow, prepared to work harder than you've ever worked before. You have much to learn."

Suddenly, wearing the Amulet felt like a privilege - like it had when he first donned it as an Apprentice. He slipped it over his head. "I wish to learn, Guardian. Thank you for the opportunity."

**

Dee made it as far as the bathroom before she noticed what she was wearing. The ceremonial robe from her dream! Her hands went to her waist and encountered the cord Win had tied there. She lifted a foot and looked at it. Its sole was dusty from the raw stone floor.

It hadn't been a dream! Win really had called her down to the Ritual Ground early this morning. She'd formally forgiven him, and they'd done that ceremony with tying their hands together...

She needed a shower, then a long talk with Su. She needed to understand -

But was it okay to take off the cord while she showered? He'd asked her to keep it, but then he'd tied it around her waist. She'd better call Su before her shower, not after.

But Su had no immediate answer. Within a few minutes, she and Aradia were both in her suite, listening to her tell what had happened earlier.

"He called you to the Ritual Ground?" Aradia asked when Dee finished her story.

She nodded. "Yes. He woke me up. He said he was mind-speaking."

Su looked round-eyed at Aradia, but stayed silent.

Dee asked, "What's wrong? Isn't mind-speaking something you people know how to do?"

Aradia's smile seemed to be hiding something. "Mind-speaking is something not all of us can do. Win and Sulis did it together as children, but that ability didn't last." She continued, "Tell me about the cord again - as close to Win's actual words as you can."

Dee thought she did pretty well repeating his words, and Aradia nodded when she finished. "He asked you to keep the cord. I believe that tying it around your waist was significant primarily in that it symbolizes his being in your service. It's fine for you to take it off, but keep it, and don't untie these -" She gestured at the loops that had been around each of their wrists during the ceremony. "Nor the knot in back." That was the knot he'd made after she accepted him as her protector.

"All right." That made sense. Dee wondered if she was getting used to the Balance, and if she was, if she ought to be concerned about it.

Aradia went over to a highly-polished square table in the corner that held only a few candles. "If you followed our religion, this would be your altar. This would be an appropriate place to keep the cord."

Normally, the idea that she had an altar in her living space would bother her. In this case, she found herself comforted and pleased. She untied the cord quickly, trying not to remember the feel of Win's hands on her body, then placed it on the altar. "Is this what I do?"

Aradia nodded. "Yes, and whenever you wish, place your hands on the cord, and remember that you and Win are tied together."

Su's eyes were still huge and she seemed to want to say something. Before she could speak, Aradia asked, "Are you still planning to attend the practice session this morning?"

"Definitely. I'm eager to learn from your students. I read a lot of that book on visualization last night."

"Did you try any of the exercises?"

She couldn't contain herself. "Oh, yes! I realized that I've always been good at visualizing - only I didn't know it was anything special. I got up through the spinning sphere exercise before I decided I should go to bed."

Su said, "The spinning sphere exercise? It took me -" She frowned in thought. "Oh, I don't know for sure, but it was weeks before I got that far."

"Some students take several months, and others never manage it." Aradia smiled. "As I told you last night, Dee, your powers are emerging on their own. You're likely to progress very rapidly - but don't worry if some skills take longer to master. The end result is what matters."

"Wow, the spinning sphere exercise..." Su muttered.

Aradia patted Su's arm, then turned back to Dee. "Now, is there anything we can do to make your stay with us more comfortable? Any personal belongings you need, anything like that?"

Dee was glad Aradia had raised the question. She hadn't quite dared to ask this last night. "Actually, yes. I'd like Mr. Bill here with me. He's my cat, and he wouldn't be any problem."

Aradia nodded. "Of course. Su, would you call your mother and arrange for her to bring him out, please?"

"Sure," Su said. "Sunday's a busy day for her, and she plays catch-up all day Monday, but sometimes she takes Tuesday off. Maybe she could come out then."

Tuesday! Mr. Bill might be with her again as soon as the day after tomorrow!

"Now, as to clothing," Aradia said. "We'll be happy to provide you with whatever you need, but you might want to look first at the items you'll find in the closets." She gestured toward the bedroom. "The ceremonial robes are only for participating in ritual, but there are other similar garments that we wear everyday. They are comfortable and flattering -" She laughed and gestured at herself. "Even for someone of my size."

Dee stared at Aradia. Why hadn't she noticed that Aradia was overweight? She definitely was, but in the flowing robe she wore, she simply looked round and womanly.

"I think I will," she said.

She was eager to discover if she could possibly look anywhere near as attractive and healthy and serene as Aradia did.

**

Dee showered and ate breakfast quickly, then tried on a few of the robes from her closet. They didn't make her look like a movie star - nothing could - but she thought they were flattering. She chose one that was light green and mid-calf length. There were sandals in the closet, and she put those on, too.

When Su came to take her to class, she said, "That color's really pretty on you, Dee. Is the robe comfortable?"

"Well, kind of. I'm used to wearing more clothes, though."

"Yeah, I know. But before long, regular clothes will probably feel confining and bulky."

"Maybe," she said, not sure that would ever happen. "But I guess I'll need some more underwear - what should I do about that?" She hoped Su didn't say to give her a list of what she needed - she'd be embarrassed to write down the sizes!

Su grinned. "Well, one option is to not wear any - that's what I do most of the time. But you've actually got breasts, so that might not be so smart. Come on over here." She went to Dee's computer and poked around for a minute, then frowned. "That's a bummer. You don't have 'Shopping' as an option on the main menu."

"Shopping? You can order clothes on the computer?"

"Yeah, it's great." She brightened. "I know - after your class, you can come down to my room and use my computer. It's easiest if you know brand names, but you can browse around if you don't."

"But then you'd be billed for my clothes." And how was she going to pay for these clothes, anyway?

Su shook her head. "No way - didn't anyone tell you? The Balance picks up the tab for our expenses."

"Win said something about that, but..." He'd said they'd pay her bills at least as long as she was in training. And she was in training now.

"But nothing! Working for Goddess and the Balance is hard - we deserve to be taken care of financially." Su peeked at her watch. "Oops - we'd better get going or you'll be late."

Once they were on the elevator headed to the classroom level, Su said, "I'll meet you after your practice session, and we'll teach the computer to recognize your voice."

Dee liked that idea. It had been strange knowing that she couldn't go anywhere without an escort.

**

Cookies! Grandma's molasses cookies! Why did Win have to dream about them? He wouldn't be able to sleep now, and there probably weren't any in the Stronghold kitchen...

He could even smell those cookies! He groaned and opened his eyes -

"Well, finally!" Grandma said. "I wondered if you'd wake up before I had to leave for class." She stood by the bed, holding a plate of those wonderful cookies in one hand, and a huge glass of milk in the other.

He threw back the covers and sat up, remembering just in time to magickally create a pair of briefs. He stuffed half of a cookie in his mouth before he thought to thank her. "Th -"

She scolded, "Don't talk with your mouth full, dear." But then she smiled. "And you're welcome. It's good to have you back where you belong."

He took the plate and glass out of her hands, but couldn't find a clear surface to set them on. He floated them in mid-air, then hugged her until the tears didn't feel quite so ready to fall. "I missed you. I'm so sorry - I was awful to you and Grandpa."

She gave him an extra squeeze. "You were rude, dear, but we never doubted your love. The compulsion spell was much more upsetting - but that's been dealt with, so we needn't belabor that. The important thing now is that you're back, and you're safe." One more pat on the back, and she stepped back.

There were many things he wanted to say, but the most urgent seemed to be, "They used Tanissa to tempt me, Grandma."

She nodded sadly. "I Saw that, when I looked back. She's one of your weaknesses - we've talked about that."

"She was," he told her. "But she's not the same now - she belongs to Shiva."

Grandma shook her head. "She is the same, darling. I never should have accepted her for training. Her only interest is herself, and whatever religion she follows is simply a path to power. You were her chosen path to power all that time - that's why her hold on you worried us so."

His stomach dropped, and he pushed away the thoughts that tried to stream into his brain. "What did she do? Why did you kick her out?"

"She was caught trying to break into the Bedrock Vault - carrying a chisel."

He was so horrified that he could only whisper. "She was going to take some of the Bedrock?" The Bedrock was the foundation of the Stronghold, the source of the protective magick that enabled the Stronghold to exist.

Grandma nodded. "We think so. Shiva must be very powerful, if he knew he could use that to destroy the Stronghold."

"You let her go after she did that?" As part of the Balance, they didn't believe in taking life unnecessarily, but...

"We had to, darling. We couldn't prove it, and she did no real harm. Also, we considered ourselves lucky to be rid of her before she tainted you with her evil."

He remembered the last night he'd spent with Tanissa. She'd been wild in bed - much more so than usual - and he'd already been tired from a long day of training. She'd been dissatisfied with his stamina, and as he drifted off to sleep, he remembered her snarling, "Every day, you're more like that eunuch you call a grandfather. Wake up and be a man for once."

He'd assumed she wanted more sex, and since he couldn't comply, he hadn't responded. But maybe she'd intended to enlist him in her robbery attempt - and if she had, it wouldn't have remained an attempt. He was a Mage. He had clearance to access the Bedrock Vault.

How could she have even dreamed he'd do something horrid like that?

But he knew the answer to that question. She'd thought he might do it because she'd listened to hour after hour of complaints about the training he was enduring. She knew he was dissatisfied that he was now a full Mage, yet Grandpa still treated him like a lowly student.

So why wouldn't she think he might betray them all - Grandpa, Grandma, and Goddess?

Grandma's cookies weren't quite so appetizing now.

**

Dee had been more than a little daunted by the thought of this practice session. She'd envisioned a room like the Ritual Ground - raw stone and so large that voices would echo. And she'd worried about the other students - wouldn't they resent her sudden appearance among them?

The reality was much more comfortable. The room where they met was much like any small classroom, and there were only three other students, all women.

Aradia introduced her by saying, "Dee's new to the Balance, and she'll be joining our practice sessions for a while."

George - never Georgie or Georgina - turned to Dee right away and said, "You're the one Win brought here, aren't you?"

Dee nodded, but didn't know how much to explain.

Aradia dealt with that issue quickly. "Yes, she is, but this is a practice session, not a social hour. Let's practice, shall we?"

The students all sat up straight and gave Aradia their complete and solemn attention.

Aradia nodded. "All right. Now, Dee has yet to learn any magick, so I thought we'd start out by having each of you demonstrate what you can do. I'd also like you to explain what you go through mentally to make it possible. She understands about visualization, but she hasn't connected that with making magick yet." She smiled at George. "Why don't you go first?"

"Yes, ma'am." To Dee, she said, "She's having me go first because I'm not as good as Carla and Polly, even though I've been working at it just as long. And it's not that the concept is all that difficult - I understand about visualizing and then giving a little push to make it real. It's just real hard for me to get the visualization crystal clear - and sustaining it is even worse!"

"Use the example of raising this mug off my desk," Aradia said, setting a plastic mug in the middle of the otherwise-empty desk. "After you've explained just how and what you'd visualize, do the visualization and make magick for us."

George nodded, her teeth biting into her lower lip as she thought about the assignment. Finally, she said, "Okay. The first thing to do is to get a good image of the mug in my mind, so what I do is stare at the object for a while, really studying all the details that I don't normally think about. The color and the size and where it's sitting now, for example. And then I decide exactly where I want it to move to - in this case, I want to raise it about six inches."

She swallowed, still thinking hard. "And then I close my eyes and visualize what I've just planned in my head. That takes way longer than it should, but I eventually get the picture straight. At that point, I open my eyes - keeping the image in my head so I see the mug with my eyes, and also with what we call my inner eye. I give the image in my inner eye a little push - I don't know how else to describe it - and then magick happens."

Dee was impressed. Such a lot of work to do such a small thing! How useful could magick be in practice, if it was so hard?

George said, "Okay, I'm going to do it now." Her expression became much more intense. After a minute or so, she closed her eyes - to do the visualization, Dee realized. That seemed to take her a good two or three minutes.

Finally she opened her eyes again, and she looked almost like a different person. Her whole face was lit with intensity and purpose, and her focus on that mug was extraordinary. And just like in a movie, the mug raised up off the desk!

But after no more than ten seconds, it crashed onto the desk, then clattered to the floor. George sagged in dejection. "Not again! I'm never going to get this!"

"Don't say that, dear," Aradia soothed. "You did much better this time."

"That's right," one of the other students said. She had beautiful long red hair and weighed about as much as Su. Dee thought her name was Carla. "It didn't take you very long to visualize the mug, and you held it up there almost ten seconds."

The third student - Polly - nodded. She had a squashed-appearing face and mouse-brown hair. "I bet if we hadn't all been watching, you wouldn't have lost your concentration at the end there. I know that happens to me sometimes."

Aradia added, "They're both right, George. And in fact, I'd suggest that you spend a few minutes alone every day, practicing magick." She smiled. "I don't know if you've noticed, but the Mage Apprentices' dorm is usually full of levitating cups and the like. Some of them practice every single minute they don't have class or homework."

George took a deep breath, as though she was going to protest that it was useless, but all she said was, "Yes, ma'am."

Aradia called on Carla next. Carla took less time to get ready, and was able to keep the cup steady in mid- air for about a minute and a half before it started wobbling. Rather than letting it crash like George had, Carla lowered the cup to the table. It landed with a clunk, and Carla said, "Oops."

Aradia asked, "You forgot your follow-through, didn't you?"

Carla nodded and explained to Dee, "Follow-through is what we call doing the last tiny bit of magick to finish the job. I did just fine until the mug touched the table, but I just let it go instead of setting it down gently."

"Next time, I'll bring some eggs to class, and you can practice follow-through with those," Aradia told her. "You're next, Polly."

Polly beamed. "Yes, ma'am." After only a couple of seconds, the mug floated about a foot and a half up in the air. It hovered in place a few moments, then began to move to the left. When it passed the end of the desk, it stopped in place.

Aradia held her left hand just far enough open for the mug to fit between her thumb and fingers. "Move it into my hand."

The mug moved back across the desk, then glided a few inches lower so that it was aligned with Aradia's hand. Dee stole a look at Polly's face and saw fierce concentration. The cup moved slower now and more deliberately, and it went right into Aradia's hand. It didn't stop right away, though, and Aradia's hand was pushed several inches to the side before the mug finally came to a rest.

"Sorry, ma'am," Polly said.

Aradia smiled. "That was very good, dear. A little extra follow-through, but I'm sure you'll correct that next time." She placed the mug back in a drawer. "Now, we'll take a short break. I trust you girls will show Dee where everything is."

George was the first one to her feet. "Yes, ma'am. Come on, Dee."

All three students rushed out of the room, and Dee had to hurry to catch up. They went down a corridor and around a corner into a well-used lounge area. Polly said, "I set my timer," and the others nodded.

Carla said, "Priestess Aradia doesn't like us to take more than a fifteen-minute break, so Polly sets her timer as soon as we get out of the classroom."

Dee noticed now that Carla's slender shape was topped off with generous and perky breasts. She tried not to hate Carla based on her body shape alone - it would be no more fair than people dismissing Dee because of her shape.

George was poking around in an old refrigerator. "Carla, you want diet like always, right? Regular for Polly and me. What about you, Dee?"

"Diet, I guess." A can of pop was held out to her and she took it.

Polly sat on a lumpy-looking sofa and pointed at a slightly-newer chair. "You can sit there."

Dee did, feeling a little awkward. What did she have to say that would be of interest to these girls?

George plopped down next to Polly, and Carla sat gingerly on a chair that had seen many better days. George said, "I'll tell you what we've heard, and you can tell us what's true or not."

"Plus all the juicy stuff!" Carla said. "You have to tell us that, too!"

What juicy stuff? Dee certainly wasn't going to tell them that she'd offered to sleep with Win and been turned down.

George shook her head. "You and sex, Carla. Maybe if I looked like you do, that's all I'd think about, too, but still..." George wasn't particularly pretty, but she seemed to have a nice shape. She probably had lots of boyfriends. "So anyway, Dee, what we heard is that you were Win's first assignment. He was supposed to protect you, but there was a really powerful guy after you and he blew up some motel or something, so you had to come here."

"That's basically it," Dee said. "The guy's name is Shiva, and if it wasn't for Win, I'd be dead by now."

"This Shiva guy's more powerful than Win?" Polly asked. "Win can do amazing magick."

Dee nodded. "I know. He got a real bad cut during the explosion, and he Healed his leg, good as new."

All three girls laughed. After a moment, Carla explained. "You have to realize, Dee. Healing doesn't seem like magick to us - it's what we work on almost all of every day. The stuff that impresses us is - well, like one time Tanissa told me how they'd been real busy in bed for a couple of hours, and Win suddenly decided he was thirsty. So he created this monster glass of milk - just so he wouldn't have to get out of bed. Or another time, he wanted her in just this certain position and they couldn't get the pillows right, so he just floated her in mid-air - for, like, twenty minutes or more!"

All the good feelings induced by the girls' friendliness vanished. She couldn't imagine spending twenty minutes having sex - or a position other than flat on her back, for that matter. It was probably a good thing Win had turned her down that night in the motel. He was used to exotic sex, and she wasn't any good at the regular kind.

Polly must have noticed Dee's expression, because she said, "We heard that Win used a compulsion spell on you. That must have been awful."

"It was. Still, even though I know it's forbidden, I also know he really thought he had to do it. I can accept that."

Carla smiled lasciviously, and Dee's stomach knotted tighter. "This guy I was with one night had a four- poster bed. He used scarves to tie my arms and legs to the posts of the bed before he even touched my body. I thought I'd die before he finished." Her tongue slid across her upper lip as she remembered. "Was it anything like that with Win?"

George made a face and stood up. "Oh, shut up, Carla. Being under a compulsion spell's nothing like you slutting around with some random guy. I'm gonna head back to class early."

"Me, too," Polly said, jumping to her feet. "Dee?"

"Sure."

But before she could follow George and Polly out of the room, Carla put her hand on her arm. "You know, Dee, people are saying a lot of weird stuff about you and Win - like how maybe Goddess had ulterior motives in giving Win the assignment of protecting you. But it's just talk - something to fill up the boring days and nights. I wouldn't want you to get hurt, thinking maybe it's for real."

Oh, right. Carla was worried about her feelings. "I don't waste my time listening to gossip. Maybe you shouldn't, either."

"I don't - not as a rule, at least." A little cat smile. "Just in this case, I thought I should warn you. Tanissa's my best friend, and that's the only reason I didn't move in on Win before. Now he's back and she's gone, so the coast is clear. That man is prime, and I'll be in his bed by tomorrow night. You wait and see." She stuck her nose in the air and sashayed off to class.

Not if Dee had anything to say about it! Maybe she didn't stand a chance with Win herself, but she wasn't going to let him get treated like a choice piece of meat.

He mattered way too much to her.

CHAPTER NINE

When Win emerged from his room that afternoon, Su was sitting on her couch reading a magazine. She looked up and said, "You're such a pig. I bet you didn't save any of Grandma's cookies for me."

"She gave them to me," he shot back, continuing their perennial bickering, but then added, "Anyway, there are plenty left - want some?"

"Sure!" she said, glancing behind him suspiciously. "I suppose you expect me to go into that toxic dump for them."

He shook his head and floated both the plate and the milk over to the chair where she sat. "No need." It was interesting - he'd discovered that wearing the Amulet didn't prevent him from using magick like it had when he was an Apprentice. He'd have to ask Grandpa about that.

Su grabbed two cookies right away and bit into one of them. Around her mouthful of cookie, she said, "These are great!"

Win took a couple of cookies for himself and the glass of milk, then settled onto his own couch. To save constant arguments, each of them had long ago chosen pieces of furniture in the lounge that were off-limits to the other.

It was hard to remember the days when he'd been constantly annoyed by his little sister. Now, she was a friend, and someone he knew would always be on his side. "It's good to see you, sis."

She responded more seriously than he'd expected. "It's good to see you, too. I was frantic yesterday when I kept hearing those rumors about the explosion and all - you know how everybody always tries to See stuff like that, and all the different visions end up confusing things totally."

He nodded. "But didn't Grandma get a clear picture? I had the impression she did."

She shrugged. "I don't know. She wasn't around with the rest of us at all. And then I heard that you and Dee were here, but when they called me to show her to her room, you'd already left." She laughed. "Let me tell you - Dee was furious! She didn't understand what was happening or why, and she thought Grandma and Grandpa were being absolutely horrid to you."

She had? That gave him a nice warm feeling. "I can't say I disagreed with her, right about then."

Su laughed again, jumped up, and ran over to hug him. "Oh, I've missed you. Tons and tons, every day."

Again, he prolonged the hug until his emotions weren't so close to the edge. This wasn't normal - wanting, needing, to hold, to be held... To lighten the mood, he said, "I've missed the Stronghold, let me tell you. You should see the place I've been living - small and run-down. The shower was this grungy thing with no water pressure - I hated to use it."

Her eyes widened appreciatively, but she didn't follow up on the subject. Something about her expression made him leery. "So, tell me about Dee. She seems nice."

He nodded. "She is, although to be honest, I don't really know all that much about her. I know her husband died in a plane crash just a couple of months back, and either that or something else has made her real cautious about people. And her Sight scares her. That reminds me of something - she used to need glasses badly, and they got lost in the explosion. Now it turns out her eyes are fine - do you know how that could happen?"

Su stared at him. "No, I have no idea. Vision problems are really tricky to Heal."

"That's what I told her - maybe Grandma can explain."

She nodded, and he knew from her smirk that something was up. "Any special reason, big brother, why you haven't mentioned the single most relevant fact about Dee?"

He hated to ask, but he had to. "What fact?"

"The fact that you can mind-speak with her - which as you well know means she's your lifemate."

His lifemate? Diana was his lifemate?

Suddenly he understood what must have happened. "She's not my lifemate! That just happened because of Goddess."

It was obvious Su didn't buy his explanation. "Don't give me that! Okay, so you were doing a Vigil at the time. You were still you, and Dee was still Dee."

He simply had to explain better. She'd understand then. "What I mean is that Goddess let me mind-speak to Diana. I needed to apologize to her and make things right, so Goddess gave me the power to call her." That didn't do the trick, so he added, "Su, Goddess talked to me when I was doing my Vigil."

She waved her hand impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. I also know something about human psychology. You needed to hear a message from her, so you did."

He shook his head. "That's not it. She talked to me - out loud, just like you and I are talking right now."

That got her attention. "What did she say?"

"Well, I was wishing Diana was there so I could thank her for defending me at my Judgment, and She said, 'You can.' I thought I was hallucinating, so I didn't answer Her, and She got kind of mad about that. But then She said to call Diana down there, and she'd come. So I did, and she came."

Su thought that over carefully and finally asked, "Are you really sure it was Goddess? Was it maybe Grandma?"

He shook his head. "It was Goddess, definitely. No one else could have known I was thinking about thanking Diana at that exact moment - I hadn't thought of it before, and I'd been there for twelve hours." He wasn't sure if he wanted to explain any more, but he felt like he had to make Su understand. "Anyway, Goddess was there with me the whole time. You know how I had to put myself under that spell?"

She nodded, then her eyes widened. "You mean She made you do stuff?"

"Yeah. It was awful - I mean, I knew She wouldn't make me do anything to really harm myself, but it was still scary. And I really didn't have any choice - I had to do the stuff She compelled me to - and keep doing it until She took away the compulsion." He swallowed, the memory uncomfortably vivid now that he was talking about it. "It really made the point about why compelling people is wrong, I'll tell you!"

"I'll take your word for it," she said, then frowned suddenly. "But if She was telling you stuff like that all along, why were you so surprised when She told you to call Dee down there?"

"Oh. Right. When She was telling me stuff earlier, it was all in my head - like when you and I were kids and could mind-speak. The words were there in my head, but I knew they weren't mine. Later, She spoke out loud."

Su's canary-eating smile made him realize he'd slipped by mentioning mind-speaking again. "So, did Goddess tell you the ability to mind-speak with Dee was only temporary?"

"Well, no, but it makes sense. All that stuff was just during my Vigil."

"Prove it." He stared at her, not sure what she meant. "Call Dee right now. Ask her to come here. I dare you."

He remembered tying the cord around Diana's waist, and the need to touch that had nearly overwhelmed him. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous - you are. And I'll tell you why you're acting like this - it's because Dee's not some sexy supermodel. You think Goddess is supposed to ask for your approval before She sends your lifemate to you."

"You don't know what the heck you're talking about!" he told her. "Diana's the -"

He stopped himself just in time. What had he almost said? It couldn't have been true, in any case.

His problem was simple - he'd been celibate too long. "Look, why don't you worry about your own love life for a change? I'm gonna go work out."

Her laughter chased him into the elevator.

**

Carla's demeanor was perfectly bland and respectful by the time she and Dee got back to class. She settled into her seat and waited attentively for Aradia to begin.

Dee wished class was over already, and that she never had to come again. She didn't belong with these girls - she'd never belonged with any group in her whole life - and she was sick of trying to fit in.

Aradia didn't waste any time on pleasantries. "Now, for the rest of our practice session, we're going to work on astral walking."

George groaned and Polly leaned forward eagerly.

Aradia smiled at George. "Don't worry, dear. Astral walking isn't a required skill for a Healer. I simply want to make sure you all understand the technique and the necessary precautions. Once you're in the field, you'll find that the more you know about Mage skills, the better."

"I'm never going to be ready," George moaned, but she, too, seemed interested now.

Dee hoped that someone would explain what astral walking was, but she felt too battered after her conversation with Carla to ask.

Aradia said, "All right. First, I'll go over the basic principles - this should be a refresher for everyone other than Dee. After that, I'll explain it step by step, and then I want you all to give it a try." She must have noticed Dee's surprise, because she added, "Yes, Dee. You, too. I suspect you may be ready for this - and even if not, I'd rather know that you weren't trying it for the first time on your own."

Dee's stomach swirled in anticipation. She could practice this time!

"Astral walking is one of many names for the same activity," Aradia said. "Some call it astral projection, others an out-of-body experience. Whatever the label, the reality is the same - you leave your body behind as your consciousness travels to other locations. Have you ever day-dreamed so vividly about being on a particular beach, for example, that you actually could feel the sun beating down on your body?"

Carla nodded, but her smile made Dee suspect that she wasn't thinking about being on a beach. Dee nodded, too - she remembered being shocked a few times that she wasn't where she'd thought she was.

"Well, then," Aradia said. "Perhaps you've already learned the technique. But let me make it clear that astral walking isn't something you imagine you're doing. You really are doing it. In my earlier example, if you astrally walk to that beach and it happens to be a stormy day, that's what you'll experience. There are some very gifted individuals who can astrally walk across time as well as space. Those individuals would be able to astrally walk to a particular sunny day at that beach - one that had taken place already or one that was in the future. But that's an extremely advanced topic, and not relevant to today's exercise."

Polly couldn't contain herself. "Excuse me, Priestess. I know you said it's not relevant, but is that how Seers do their work?"

Seers? Dee was supposedly a Seer.

"That's a very good question, Polly. The answer is that, while I've heard of Seers who sometimes work that way, it's not a commonly-used method. I'll show you some of the more common methods in another practice session."

Dee thought she might enjoy that. She still didn't want to train her Sight, but it would be interesting to know more about it.

Aradia returned to her point. "Now, before I describe exactly how one astrally walks, I'll explain the precautions. You need to realize that when your consciousness leaves your body and travels elsewhere, it's no longer in your body. Your body is therefore unprotected - both from mundane dangers like fire and also from evil. That is why we never astrally walk without protecting ourselves first with a magick circle."

"You also need to realize that it is not natural for your body and your consciousness to be separated. If you are astrally walking and something startles you sufficiently, your consciousness may jerk back into your body suddenly. This is very jarring, both physically and mentally. For that reason, you need to be completely aware of your surroundings, and you need to be careful to return to your body as gently as possible."

Dee suddenly remembered seeing a shape in the passenger seat of her car after her job interview a few days ago. "Excuse me, but what does anyone see if they look at you while you're astrally walking?"

Aradia turned her attention to Dee. "Normally nothing, although some people see the shape of the traveler's body. Have you seen something like that?"

She nodded. "Before I knew Win was protecting me. It was just this kind of fuzzy thing that seemed like a person to me. I poked it and told it to go away, and it did."

Aradia's lips twitched. "Was it Win?"

"I don't know. I thought it was my imagination until just now."

"I suspect it was him. You should ask him about it." To the others, she said, "You needn't worry about being seen. There are some unusual factors at work between Win and Dee."

Carla glanced at Dee and shook her head slightly. Apparently, she wasn't convinced Dee had gotten the message earlier.

Aradia looked pointedly at Carla until she turned to face forward again. Then Aradia said, "On to the technique. First, you'll want to get as comfortable as possible and minimize the distractions around you. Then visualize where you want to go on your astral walk. Until you're comfortable with the process, you'll want to choose a place you know very well - your room at home, perhaps. Picture it just as vividly as you possibly can, and focus in on a detail or two that really makes it your room."

She smiled. "I imagine you've all been to the level of the Stronghold where Win and Sulis live." They all nodded. "Well, if I was going to astrally walk there, I would probably picture the sitting area near their big TV, and in particular, I'd focus on their garish purple-and- green paisley floor pillows." She shook her head as though to shake that image out of her mind. With a laugh, she added, "Of course, I wouldn't astrally walk there unless I really had to!"

That brought a laugh, and Polly said, "They do seem to like bright colors."

Aradia nodded, serious again. "It's particularly important when you visualize a scene for astral walking that you visualize it as if you were standing in a certain spot in the room. None of this looking at it from all sides - you're going to be in that place, so you need to know just where you'll be."

She glanced at each girl's face quickly before continuing. "You've done the visualization part before. The next step is what's different. You keep that image in your mind, but at the same time, you visualize your consciousness stepping out of your body. You're shedding your material shell, a lot like when you take off a coat."

Aradia stopped speaking then, and it was a number of seconds before she continued. "I've changed my mind. I'll just finish this explanation and then we'll be through for the day. It would be better to practice this when your minds are fresher."

George muttered something that sounded like, "Thank Goddess," but Dee was disappointed. She'd been eager to give astral walking a try.

Aradia nodded to herself, apparently pleased with her decision. "So, as I said, you visualize stepping out of your body. The first few times, I find it's helpful to actually turn and look at your body sitting there. It will look a little odd, since your consciousness isn't there, but it will definitely be your body."

"Once you're outside of your body, simply visualize yourself in the location you want to visit and you will be there. You can move around while you're there, but you can't communicate with anyone you may see. When you're ready to return to your body, simply visualize yourself in your body again, and you will return there."

Carla looked suspicious. "You said we're really there when we astrally walk. But if we can't communicate with anybody, how do we know that for sure?"

Aradia nodded, clearly having expected the question. "Because we don't necessarily see what we expect to see. In my earlier example of going to the beach, if it's a rainy day, you see it rain. If there are people wherever you go, you can listen in to their conversation - and there are rules for whether that's ethical to do or not."

"In general," she continued, "it's not allowed unless you're on Balance business. I'm sure you remember me talking to you about such things in the past. The easiest way to tell if something you want to do is ethical or not is to ask yourself how you would feel if someone did that same exact thing to you. If your honest heart-felt answer is that you wouldn't mind, then perhaps it is acceptable."

Carla's expression was carefully neutral, but Dee was sure she didn't think much of Aradia's lecture on ethics.

Aradia said, "Well, that's enough for today. I'd like you all to think through the process of astral walking over the next couple of days. Next time, we'll give it a try."

The three girls hurried out of the room, but Dee stayed behind. Su had said she'd come back for her, but since they'd finished early, she wouldn't be here yet.

Aradia said, "Dee, as I said earlier, I suspect you're ready for astral walking. The other girls aren't, and that's why I let out class early. There's time for you to try it, if you'd like."

"Oh, yes! I'd love to."

**

Win was nearly done with his second complete circuit of the weight room when he heard someone come in. He kept going, wanting to finish his reps on this machine before he lost track.

"Well, if you're not in even better shape than last time I saw you..." Carla was standing over him, and before he managed to lower the weight completely, she reached down and caressed his abs. "Nice six-pack."

Her touch had a predictable effect on another part of his anatomy, and there was no way she could miss it. He braced for another caress, but it didn't come. She simply licked her lips and said, "I thought maybe we could get together later - say, ten o'clock?"

His body thought that sounded like a great idea, but he wasn't sure. "I'll be in bed - asleep - by ten o'clock. I did a Vigil last night, you know."

"I heard about that," she said, her voice velvety and low. "You were a bad boy and compelled poor Dee..."

Her hand slid an inch or two lower, then stopped, but her fingers danced in place. It felt way too good to ignore.

Except he had to. Carla was no different than Tanissa. She used sex to get her way, and that was dangerous for a Mage. He knew that now.

He caught her hand and moved it away from his body, then sat up. "I'm starting a new round of training in the morning, too, so I'm afraid the answer has to be no."

She laughed and moved in closer. He could feel her hard nipples against his arm now. "Actually, we wouldn't have to wait for tonight. I'm through with classes for the day, and I happen to know there's a really fine whirlpool next door."

He'd planned to spend some time there when he finished his workout. Alone. He should just say no and get out of here.

But maybe it would be okay. He knew what she was up to, and he wouldn't let her distract him from his duty. After all, being a Mage didn't mean he had to be celibate, did it?

Goddess, he hoped not. And it didn't, he remembered. He'd met lots of Mages over the years, and at least a couple of them had bedded three or more different women while at the Stronghold for only a weekend. They'd seemed to consider an abundant supply of women one of the perks of the job.

Whoa! There was a hand down the back of his gym shorts! "Nice tight glutes, too. I like that in a man."

Enough! Well, nowhere near enough, actually, but if he let this go on much longer, there'd be no stopping. He stood quickly, putting the bench between them. "Carla, you're very attractive and I certainly appreciate the offer, but -"

But what? He certainly couldn't say he wasn't interested! "But today's not a good time for this."

"You're turning me down?"

She was just as appetizing from a couple of feet away as she'd been close-up. Maybe he was crazy to say no.

No. No, he wasn't. He wasn't ready for her. Not today, at least. "Look, Carla, I'm sorry. I've had a really horrendous last few days. Maybe I'll give you a call later in the week. How'd that be?"

She gave him a long calculating look, then a shrug. "You can call. I might be available." She sauntered out of the weight room like he didn't exist.

But he existed. The ache in his loins proved it.

**

Aradia smiled her approval. "Would you like me to go over the steps again, or do you think you're ready to give it a try? You'll be perfectly safe."

Dee thought about it for a few seconds. "I'll try. If I have trouble, I'll ask for help."

"That's good. And one thing I didn't mention earlier - the reason I didn't want you trying this on your own the first time - is that it can be very disorienting, the first time you step out of your body. You have to realize that you've spent your whole life inside your body, and some people equate leaving it with death."

That seemed fairly reasonable to Dee. "That connection never occurred to me."

Aradia said, "It's not an issue of conscious thought. It's deeper than that, so we've made a practice of always having a Healer available when anyone astral walks for the first time. That way, if you show any signs of discomfort, I can call you right back to your body and help you recover."

Suddenly, astral walking seemed scarier than it had a few minutes ago. But Shiva was a lot scarier, so she pushed aside her nerves. "Okay, so the first step is visualizing where I want to go."

Where did she want to go? Someplace she'd been happy would be nice, but there weren't many places like that. She guessed it would be easiest to visualize her apartment and go there.

Her favorite place in that apartment was sitting at her butcher block table, looking out the small living room window at an even smaller patch of open sky. She pictured that scene in her mind without any trouble.

Next, she needed to focus on a couple of specifics to really bring the visualization to life. One would be the small square window frame with its dingy uneven paint job that slopped onto the edges of the pane of glass. But what else?

The feel of her hand stroking the smooth surface of the table! It was a nervous habit to do that while she sat and gazed out the window, so it would be natural for bringing the image to life. Just thinking about it made her fingers tingle with the memory of the hard, slightly cool surface.

Okay, that visualization was nice and clear. Next she had to visualize stepping out of her body. Aradia had described it as shedding her material shell like she'd take off a coat.

Imagine! She could actually get rid of her fat ugly body - if only for a few minutes.

But how could she visualize doing that? Well, she could use Aradia's example of a coat as her guideline. She might wear the coat, but it wasn't her. Neither was her body the real Dee - contrary to what the rest of the world thought.

So it made sense that she could take off her body. She'd simply stand up and leave her body behind. She wouldn't use her muscles to stand up, though - they were part of her body. She'd think herself into a standing position.

It worked! It really worked! She was standing up now, and it felt different than it did normally. Lighter - like nothing was holding her down. Like she could go anywhere and do anything she wanted...

Wow - she felt almost dizzy all of a sudden. Maybe this was the disorientation Aradia had mentioned. She'd turn around and look at her body. That would give her a chance to get used to the odd sensations.

How strange! That was her body sitting there, but it didn't look quite as huge as it felt when she was on the inside. And not needing glasses definitely improved her looks...

Well, she wasn't doing an astral walk simply so she could look at her body from the outside. She'd better go visit her apartment.

That was fast. She barely thought about going, and she was there.

She was looking out the window, and the patch of sky she could see was mottled gray. Her hand was rubbing the edge of the table, but it felt like something had been spilled and not cleaned up thoroughly.

What could it be? It was sticky - molasses maybe? And there was a smell, too - a nasty, sickening odor a little like spoiled meat.

But she always kept that table spotless! She tried not to spill, and when she did, she cleaned it right up with soap and water.

Something wasn't right! She looked at the table -

Some awful dark goop was smeared all over it - and its surface was deeply gouged in half a dozen places. Her table was ruined!

Vomit rose in her throat, and she knew.

Her table had been used as a sacrificial altar!

CHAPTER TEN

Win had just stepped off the elevator when the phone in the sitting area rang. He grabbed it, hoping it wasn't Carla. "This is Win."

"Oh, I'm glad you're there," his grandmother's voice said. "Is Sulis there, too? I need you both to come to the small classroom right away." She sounded very businesslike, and possibly a bit shaken.

He glanced over at Su's door - it was closed. That usually meant she was in there. "I think Su's in her room. What's up?"

"I'll explain when you get here - and if you can't find your sister, come without her."

"Okay. See you soon." He hung up and crossed the room to Su's door.

The door opened before he had a chance to knock, and Su barreled into him. "Ooof - and where do you think you were going?"

"Come on, Su - I haven't snuck into your room for ten years! Anyway, Grandma called, and she needs us both in the small classroom right away."

She was already headed toward the elevator. "That's where I was going - to meet Dee after her class. I lost track of the time, so I'm late." As they stood waiting for the elevator, she asked, "You're supposed to go there, too? Why?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Grandma sounded a little - Well, like maybe something had gone wrong."

The elevator doors opened. They stepped on and Su said, "Classroom level." The doors closed and they began moving up. She glanced over at him and he just knew something sneaky was coming. "I was going to program the elevator for Dee's voice, but maybe you'd like to do that."

More of her you're-lifemates stuff. She didn't have a clue. "Look, Su. Diana's not my lifemate. I'd know it, if she was."

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that so? Then why do you keep calling her Diana, when everyone else calls her Dee? I assumed that was her soul name." Only lifemates knew each other's soul names, and they knew them instinctively. She shrugged and turned away. "Apparently, you're simply being dense and rude as usual."

Why did he keep calling her Diana? She'd asked him to call her Dee - several times, as he remembered. He'd have to do better in the future.

They arrived at the classroom level about then. They hurried to the small classroom and found Aradia and Diana - Dee - sitting side-by-side in student desk- chairs.

He swallowed, more relieved than he'd expected. "Hi, Grandma. Hi, Dee. What's up?"

Di - Dee - turned to face him. "Oh, Win! Shiva broke into my apartment and he - he sacrificed somebody on my butcher block table!"

It could have been Diana! He pulled her close, and his arms tightened around her.

"Win Sayre!" Grandma scolded. "How many times have you been told that it's impolite to move people magickally?"

What? And then he realized that he was still four feet away from the chair where Diana had been sitting. He'd used magick to bring her to him!

"Oh." He looked into Diana's stunned face and said, "Sorry." He carefully unwrapped his arms and shifted position - if he was extremely lucky, maybe Grandma and Su would miss his body's reaction to holding Diana.

Diana certainly hadn't.

**

Dee might have been living in a fairy tale for a few seconds. The handsome prince came rushing into the room, his concern directed right at her. And when she told him what was wrong, he pulled her into his strong masculine embrace and held her tight.

It only made it more like a fairy tale that he used magick to bring her into his arms. She had no sensation of movement - one second, she was in a chair, and the next, she was wrapped in his arms.

Of course, in a fairy tale, he would have said something romantic like, "You'll never be scared again, my love." And he would have kissed her - one of those kisses that were both romantic and passionate at the same time.

An erection poking into her stomach and a "Sorry," before he pushed her away were hardly the same thing.

**

Win glanced over at Su and saw her smirk. For a second, he wished he was ten again - he'd pinch her until she stopped smirking, and then he'd pinch her another couple of times so she'd remember not to do it again.

What on earth put that in his mind? Was he going to leave a frog in her bed next?

He'd better get his mind on important matters. Like Shiva in Diana's apartment - sacrificing someone. "Did you have one of your dreams?" he asked her.

"No. I did an astral walk to my apartment -"

"An astral walk? You can do that?" Su asked, sounding both shocked and impressed.

Diana nodded. "Aradia taught me, and I tried it just now."

He was shocked now. "You just tried it - for the first time? And it worked?"

Aradia answered for her. "Yes. I suspected Dee was ready, and it turned out she was. You need to realize," she said, seeming to address Win directly, "that Dee's powers are emerging on their own. They're more mature when they emerge than yours were - or those of any of the rest of us, for that matter. Goddess only knows how powerful Dee will become over time, especially with training."

He knew Grandma meant that literally. Goddess knew what powers she'd given Di - Dee - no, he just couldn't think of her as Dee! He asked the question that had been on his mind since he discovered that she'd broken the compulsion spell he put on her. "Why did the Council choose me to protect Diana? I nearly got her killed."

Grandma shook her head, but her smile sent the opposite message. "I'm not on the Council, dear, so I don't know for sure. It's possible that they felt the situation was urgent and you were simply the closest Mage."

He knew she didn't believe that, and wasn't sure if he wanted to ask again. What if Grandma gave him that lifemate story, too? Su would never shut up about it.

"Aradia," Diana's voice was hesitant. "Why did my powers start emerging now, all of a sudden?"

This time, Grandma didn't seem to know the answer. "I'm not sure, Dee. I suspect it has something to do with Shiva -" She frowned. "Or perhaps it's simply all the trauma surrounding your husband's death that was the catalyst. You could ask Goddess, although She rarely chooses to explain herself."

The mention of Shiva made Win realize they'd wandered off the subject again. He turned to Diana. "So, you astrally walked to your apartment. What did you see?"

She wrinkled up her nose like she was about to be sick. "My butcher block table was all bloody and full of knife marks! I stuck my hand in it without realizing -"

She held her right hand up and stared at it. "But I got blood on it - I know I did!" She seemed about ready to lose it.

He touched her arm. "I believe you. But your body wasn't there - remember?"

She looked confused for a second, then nodded. "Oh. But I touched the table, and I could tell something was wrong. That's why I looked at it when I did. How did I feel it without my body?"

He smiled at her, more because she needed reassurance than for any other reason. "That's one of the mysteries of astral walking. I've read a lot of theories about why it works that way, but none really made much sense to me."

She seemed a little calmer now, so he asked, "What happened then?"

She swallowed hard. "I - I guess I knew right away Shiva had killed somebody there, and I got scared about it maybe being Mr. Bill."

A sob escaped, but before he could react, she regained control. "But then I remembered he was at your mom's house. I guess I needed to make sure, though, because I went into the bedroom - his favorite spot is by the heating vent there."

She took half a dozen breaths right in a row. "There's a dead woman on my bed - with one of my knifes stuck right through her - her -"

She dissolved into tears and Win automatically pulled her into his arms. He wasn't good with hysteria, so he simply patted her back while she cried.

Grandma said quietly, "Your grandfather's already been in contact with the Council, and they've sent a Mage to survey the situation. It's exactly as she described, and the knife through the woman's private parts makes Shiva's point quite eloquently. He knows she survived the motel explosion and has not given up on getting her."

"He did it after the explosion? That was just yesterday morning!" He guessed it had been foolish to hope that Shiva still thought they were dead.

Grandma nodded. "Overnight sometime, from what the Mage could tell. They're sending in a Seer, in case anything about the scene can help us with Shiva's plans. And the Mage is still there - he'll interface with the police."

Win wondered whether the Mage was anyone he knew. He'd like to know what exactly turned up during the investigation.

Diana unburied her face from his shirt. "The police?" She was paler and more fragile now.

Grandma noticed, too. She said, "Win, be a dear and take Dee to her suite. She should have something warm to drink, and protein as soon as she's ready for it. Astral walking takes a lot of energy."

Not to mention finding a dead body in her apartment!

**

Things didn't seem very real to Dee anymore - nowhere near as real as her astral walk. She knew she was really here - but maybe she wasn't in her same body. Because if she was in that body, Win wouldn't be able to pick her up, would he?

He picked her up while they were waiting for the elevator. She guessed she'd sagged against him a little bit, and maybe he was afraid she'd fall down.

He didn't seem to have any trouble with her weight. He just put one arm around her back, bent down, put the other arm under her knees, and straightened up. Now, even while he was carrying her from the elevator into her suite, he appeared perfectly comfortable.

He put her on the bed, and she almost whimpered out loud when he let go and stood up.

"Would you like tea or cocoa?" he asked, crossing the room to her mini-kitchen.

"Tea," she said, even though she didn't like the taste. Cocoa was fattening.

He took out a mug, filled it with water from the tap and a tea bag, then almost immediately removed the tea bag and dumped in a huge amount of sugar. He brought it to her. "Do you need help sitting up?"

She was tempted to say yes, just so he'd touch her again, but shook her head, instead. "No, thanks." She sat up and took the mug from him - the tea was nearly boiling! "You used magick to heat the water."

He looked a little chagrined. "Grandma doesn't approve when I do things like that."

"Why? I'd love to be able to do it." But after today's practice session, she didn't hold out a lot of hope that she could learn. Those girls had been training quite a while - at least a couple of years, she thought.

He said, "Grandma says magick shouldn't be wasted - but the way I look at it, this isn't wasting it. It's practice, and using it like I do makes it into something I can do without conscious thought. I think that's important for a Mage."

She didn't feel quite so spacey anymore, she realized. The bed under her felt real, and so did the mug she was holding between both hands. The wonderful spicy aroma of the tea filled her nostrils - maybe this tea wouldn't be so bad. "What kind of tea is this? It smells great."

"It's Grandma's own blend of Healing ingredients - I don't know everything that's in it, but we use it a lot. Other Healers are always asking her to send them a supply, too."

She took a tiny sip, but it was still too hot to taste. "You don't have to stay here with me. I'm fine."

"I want to stay," he said, and perched on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry your first astral walk ended so badly."

"Thanks." Thinking about astral walks and Win made her remember to ask, "Were you in my car on Friday afternoon? Astrally, I mean?"

He nodded. "You saw me, didn't you? That's unusual."

"Yes, but I couldn't tell it was you. I just saw a shape, and with my weird dreams and having just met Callie in the bookstore, it kind of freaked me out." She remembered what Aradia had said in class. "Your grandmother said there were unusual factors at work between you and me - she seemed to think that was why I could see you. Do you know what she meant?"

He froze, almost seeming guilty for a moment, then shook his head. "Not unless she means that I have a lot of power and so do you."

She didn't believe him, but Barry had taught her not to challenge suspected lies. Sometimes the truth hurt too much. She sipped her tea instead, and wondered why Win had chosen to stay.

"Listen, Diana -" he said abruptly. "I mean Dee - I'm sorry, I'll try to remember to call you Dee from now on. I - well, I wanted to thank you for coming down to the Ritual Ground this morning and doing that ceremony with me."

"You're welcome, Win. I was glad to do it. Besides, I feel kind of responsible for you getting in so much trouble. You wouldn't have done that compulsion spell if I had been willing to listen to you."

He shook his head. "But what I was telling you didn't make sense - not without you knowing about magick and the Balance. I've known these things my whole life, and I didn't stop to think how to explain them to you."

He frowned. "Maybe it's just because it was my first assignment, or maybe I'm particularly dense - that's what Su would say, I'm sure - but I always assumed that being a Mage was simply a matter of being able to do a certain amount of magick. Now, I'm learning that there's a lot more to it."

A rueful smile transformed his features and made Dee's insides come to life. "Not making the person I'm protecting think I'm crazy is a big part of it."

Dee laughed, but she didn't think he'd like to hear that she'd thought he was a conspiracy nut who might well be dangerous. Instead, she asked something she'd been wondering about. "Are Mages the only people who can do much magick?"

He shook his head, then stopped and looked at her. "It depends on what exactly you mean. Healers do magick, too, only Healing magick is so different from Mage magick that we don't think of them as the same. And Guardians all were Mages first, so they can still do everything Mages do, plus extra stuff they learn for taking care of their regions."

"What about your grandmother, for example? During class, it sounded like she can do magick."

He nodded. "She's a Priestess as well as a Healer, and Priestesses need to be able to do magick. They don't usually do as much as Mages, and typically they just do it during ritual."

"So far, all the Healers and Apprentices I've met are women, and I assume Priestesses are all women, too. How about Seers and Mages?"

"Well, first of all, not everyone with Sight is a Seer. Sight often occurs along with other abilities, and Priestesses need at least a little bit. It's really helpful for Mages and Guardians, too."

Dee nodded. "Su told me that. And that you don't have any."

"Su talks too much!" He pretended he was simply annoyed that his sister would talk about him behind his back, but Dee suspected that he was actually embarrassed. "Lots of Mages don't have Sight."

Apparently not the ones destined for big things like Win - but Dee didn't say that. "So, I guess Sight occurs in both sexes. What about Mages? Are there women Mages?"

His defensiveness disappeared immediately. "Not recently. Back in history, there were some great ones - ones we study during training. But being a Mage is like signing up for the life of a warrior, and not many girls find that appealing."

"Is that what appealed to you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe a little. But it's more because I've always wanted to be like Grandpa."

The horror she felt must have been evident on her face, because he grinned. "I assure you, he's not always like he was yesterday. He scares me when he's like that, too, but it's only because he cares so much about Goddess and the Balance. The things I did..."

Just then, there was a knock on her door.

**

Win had answered the question about why he wanted to be a Mage a hundred or more times. So why had he told Diana the part he never told anyone - the part about wanting to be like Grandpa?

He was glad when someone knocked. "I'll get it." He stood and walked to the door, not wanting a lecture if it happened to be Grandma.

It was Su, grinning like nobody's business. "Is this a good time for me to bring dinner?"

"Dinner?" Diana jumped up and hurried to the door. "How nice - but there's food in my little freezer."

"Just frozen dinners," Su said. "You don't want one of those when you've just expended all that energy on an astral walk." She wheeled one of the carts from the Apprentices' dining hall into the suite and took it to the small table in the dining alcove.

As she unloaded the cart, he noticed two of everything. He sidled up to her, as if to help, and muttered, "I'm going to kill you."

"No, you won't," she replied, completely unconcerned. To Diana, she said, "Like Grandma said, you need protein at a time like this - and plenty of carbs are good, too. So I got out a couple of Win's steaks from our freezer, and fried a bunch of new potatoes to go with them. You'll be feeling better in no time."

Diana said, "I feel fine already - Win made me a cup of your grandmother's tea and it helped a lot."

She looked much better, he realized. Her color wasn't pasty now, and she was acting normally.

Oh, Goddess. He shouldn't have looked into those gorgeous green eyes. They were dangerous.

"Okay, that's it," Su said, her voice an annoying chirp that made him want to swat her. "You two have a nice dinner now." She paused while pulling the door closed behind her.

"And Win? Grandma asked me to be sure to remind you that you have training first thing in the morning." She said that sweetly, like her greatest joy in life was helping her big brother.

"Thank you," he said, already planning what he'd do the first time Su showed any interest in a man.

Not that he was showing interest in Diana!

**

Dee wanted to crawl in a hole and hide - imagine Su having the nerve to set up a supposedly-romantic dinner for her with Win.

But maybe he didn't realize what Su's intentions were. Su had said that Win often concentrated so much on his training that he was oblivious to other things. She could hope that was the case this time.

"Boy, I'm hungry!" she said. "Let's eat before this gets cold."

"Good idea." He pulled out one of the chairs from the table, and it took her a second to realize he was holding it for her.

Barry had stopped doing that a long time before his death, and last night's dinner was the first real meal she'd eaten with another person in months. She sat, reminding herself not to think about Barry - or Win - or much of anything.

She simply ate her dinner in silence, and Win did the same.

**

This wasn't a dream about sex, rather one about being made love to. There was a difference - an immense difference, and Dee had never even guessed that it existed.

It was dark in her dream, so she saw nothing. She could only touch, and taste, and hear - and feel.

Oh, the things she felt! Touches and kisses and the caress of a tongue...

And the way those things made her feel! Like there had never been anything better in the whole universe - and yet like there had to be something better - better and more, and it had to be now.

But words were impossible, and all that she could do was arch off the bed, hoping that her lover would finally give himself to her.

He didn't. She heard him say, "Not yet, my love," and tears of frustration pooled in her eyes.

But then he did something different - something more.

The whole universe flipped and tumbled, and finally disappeared.

She murmured, "Oh, Win," and drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**

Goddess, what was that?

Win reached out blindly, hoping he was wrong and that hadn't been a dream.

But the impossibly lush woman wasn't in his bed. She never was - and she would never be there. She was too perfect to exist.

He'd dreamt about her before, but not for more than a year. And never like tonight.

Other nights, they'd kissed passionately, but it hadn't felt so real, and he hadn't touched her.

He supposed that tonight was different because he'd been so long without a woman. It was neither natural or healthy.

Maybe he should take Carla up on her offer - to some extent. He wasn't going to let her take control, like he had Tanissa, but a little recreational sex from time to time would do him a heck of a lot of good.

And he wouldn't invite her here. Her room in the Healer Apprentices' dorm was perfectly adequate, and going there would avoid the awkward staying-all-night issue. It would also avoid Su's gimlet eye and her obsession with Diana being his lifemate.

Carla was almost nothing like the woman in his dreams, but that was fine. That woman didn't exist.

He rolled over, ready to go back to sleep. Training would come early in the morning.

But that woman and her incredible sparkling green eyes had other ideas.

He lay awake until dawn.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Dee woke up, her heart pounding.

A nightmare. That's what that had been. Not one of her Sight dreams.

But she'd seen that dead body again. The one who'd been sacrificed on her butcher block table, then left on her bed. And she'd seen the blood...

The police were probably all over her apartment by now. She wondered what the Balance people would tell them about what had happened.

Oh no! It would be in the paper! Brent would see it!

She had to call him - right away, before he had a chance to hear the news another way. She glanced at the clock. He'd be up, maybe even on his way to work by now.

She picked up the phone and punched in his number, not totally sure the call would go through. The Stronghold seemed like it was in a completely different world from the one where Brent lived, and it was strange to think there was phone service between the two worlds.

The phone rang twice, then Brent answered. "Hello." He sounded rushed.

"Brent, it's Dee."

"Dee - hi!" His voice warmed and he seemed to lose his urgency. "Are you calling to say you got the job?"

Job? Oh, right. She'd told him about the job she interviewed for last week - back before her life turned into something too crazy for a novel. "No, the reason I'm calling is that I didn't want you to worry about me. I've gone out of town for a while, and I'm perfectly fine, but something awful happened in my apartment."

"What?"

She couldn't tell him what she'd seen! "I - I'm not sure. It was after I left, but I'm sure the police are involved. I was afraid you'd see something about it in the paper."

"Are you in trouble, Dee?" he asked sharply. "Because if you are - if you need a lawyer or something - just tell me."

"No, I'm not in trouble."

He didn't respond for a few seconds. "Dee, I'd like to believe you, but I can't. You don't really sound like yourself, and you talk about the police being at your apartment... Where are you, anyway?"

She should have thought through what to say before she called him. "I'm staying with some people at the Coast for a while."

"Who?"

"You don't know them."

"Dee." He spoke more firmly than she'd ever heard him. "If you won't tell me what's really going on, at least tell me where you're staying."

"I told you already - I'm at the coast."

"That's not an answer," he said, and she realized he was becoming a hard-nosed businessman, just like his dad and Barry had been. "I want an address and a phone number."

"There isn't an address - it's just off the Three Capes road."

"What town is it near, then? And what's the family's name?"

He was only being pushy because he felt responsible for her. She might as well cooperate. "Tillamook's closest, I guess. And I'm staying with the Sayres."

"All right. What about the phone number?"

She looked at her phone, not expecting to find a number, but there was one. She read it to him, then said, "Brent, really, I appreciate your concern, but I'm perfectly fine."

"Good. Call me every few days, so I can be sure of that."

"I can take care of myself!" she protested.

"I hope so. Now, I'm sorry, but I've got to go - I have to run to an important meeting." He disconnected.

She hung up, then headed for the bathroom. She didn't get halfway there before her phone rang. She ran to answer it. "Hello?"

"Okay," Brent's voice said. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't give me a bogus number. Remember to call - Saturday, if not sooner."

And he was gone again.

But Dee didn't feel quite as alone as she sometimes did. Brent cared about her well-being.

And he didn't care whether she had Sight or any other magickal talent!

**

Win knocked on the door to Grandpa's office precisely at seven-thirty that morning. The door opened and he went in.

Grandpa continued working for a couple of minutes, then finally looked up. "Good morning, Win. You look tired."

Win wasn't sure if he heard concern or censure in Grandpa's voice, so he said, "I didn't sleep well, Guardian. But I am ready for training."

Grandpa nodded. "I hope so. One who serves Goddess may not choose whether to answer Her call."

"I understand, Guardian."

"Your first exercise this morning will be a thorough analysis of your just-completed assignment."

Win bit his tongue in order to stay silent. He never wanted to hear about that assignment again! He'd messed up, he was sorry, and he'd rededicated his life to Goddess. What more did they want from him?

Grandpa almost smiled, and his tone was a bit gentler when he spoke again. "This is something you will do after each assignment you undertake, and it is not intended to be punitive. We all have much to learn, and the most efficient way to learn the lessons life offers us is to consider them carefully."

Maybe so, but he still hated the idea of doing it - especially with Grandpa! He'd made so many mistakes. But he swallowed and answered, "Yes, Guardian. I welcome any chance to improve myself. I'm trying to be a good Mage."

"Of course you are! You're just getting started, and it's a difficult job."

"But Diana nearly died because of my mistakes! And then she would have been lost to the Balance..." His words didn't convey his horror at the thought of Diana dying.

"But she didn't die, Win. You completed your assignment successfully."

He guessed that was true. His assignment had been to protect Diana, and he'd brought her here to the Stronghold. "I shouldn't have used a compulsion spell on her."

"No, you shouldn't have. Come, Win. Let's sit over here." He indicated the casual seating area at the other side of the room.

Win had never been invited to sit there before. It was where Grandpa sat with Grandma when they talked about Balance business, and where Grandpa met with visiting Guardians and Mages. Win took a seat, wondering why the change.

Grandpa sat in a chair that seemed a bit like a throne and said, "It's time I explained something. You were made a Mage nearly a year ago, and I know you thought that meant the end of training and the beginning of a brand-new glamorous life. But as I told you then, a newly-made Mage is too inexperienced to be sent out into the world. More training and controlled practice are necessary before a Mage is ready to undertake assignments."

Win nodded. "I remember that, Guardian."

"What I didn't tell you then is that a Mage's readiness involves more than his or her magickal skill. It's a matter of whether he or she is ready to become an adult, to take control of his or her own life." His repeated use of "his or her" and "he and she" was odd - as though he felt uncomfortable. Grandpa was always sure of himself.

"What are you saying, Guardian? Was I not ready for my assignment?"

Grandpa shook his head. "No, Win. You were ready." He sighed. "I'm not explaining myself clearly, and it's because of our relationship. The Council advised that it would be wisest to send you to another Stronghold for training - especially after you'd been made a Mage. But I disagreed - your grandmother and I wanted as much time with you as possible. So I convinced myself that I could handle your training as dispassionately as I have the training of any number of other Mages."

Grandpa was nothing like his usual self now, and Win hurried to reassure him. "And you did! Your training was wonderful - it was my fault I lost patience. I didn't understand that I would truly need the skills you were teaching me."

Grandpa's lips curved up, but his expression couldn't be called a smile. "Win, what you don't know is that it's standard to push new Mages like I pushed you. The reality of being on assignment, as you've learned, is that there's little or no time to rest and your powers are nearly constantly in use. That's why I kept pushing you to do more for longer periods of time."

"And I appreciated it the first night I was on assignment! Shiva tested the magick circle for what seemed to be hours, and if I hadn't been used to constant practice, he would have broken through the circle."

Grandpa nodded, but didn't look appreciably happier. "I'm glad it helped, but I went too far."

"How can you say that?" Win asked, forgetting for a moment that he was speaking to his Guardian, to whom he must show respect at all times. "I didn't have the strength or stamina to stop Shiva - or even to detect his presence. You should have worked me harder."

"You will work harder now, Win - because you yourself see that it's necessary. But I'm serious about having pushed you too far. Standard practice calls for the Guardian to push the new Mage to the limits of his or her tolerance and endurance, yes. But it did not call for me to push you past those limits, and that is what I did."

"I don't understand, Guardian."

Grandpa pressed his lips together and sighed again. "To be blunt, I was supposed to stop pushing before you were so disgusted that you dropped a rock right next to my foot."

The idea that his training had been engineered to accomplish something unrelated to magick was only now beginning to penetrate. "You were? But how were you supposed to know when to stop?"

Grandpa laughed. "You wouldn't ask that if you'd seen yourself for the last couple of weeks of training. Oh, you behaved respectfully enough - but you were furious, and it was just under the surface."

He remembered that anger. He'd spent hours working out, trying to quiet it, instead only using energy he'd desperately needed for training the next day. And the venom he'd spewed about Grandpa to Tanissa! No wonder she'd -

No, he wouldn't think about her. "But if you knew how angry I was, why didn't you stop?"

Grandpa blew his breath out and shook his head. "Because I was being so careful not to show favoritism to you. And because I know you are capable of so much more than most Mages. I kept promising myself I'd just give you one more test, make sure you were just a little more ready for the field."

He was capable of more than most Mages? Win wished he had time to savor those words, but that would have to wait for later. The rest of what Grandpa was saying still confused him. "You wanted me to blow up at you?"

"No, never. But I made that happen because I was so driven. In doing that, I failed you and destroyed your love for me. I am sorry." Grandpa looked troubled, and after a few moments, he added, "I hope you'll be able to forgive me someday."

Grandpa was upset about how he'd treated Win? The thought was almost incomprehensible. "I forgive you now," Win said, his voice so thick he barely recognized it. "And you could never destroy my love for you."

"Truly?"

"Truly." Before he lost his courage, he added, "You are the reason I've always wanted to serve Goddess - you and Grandma. I hope that someday I can be as strong and powerful a defender of the Balance as you are."

"Oh, Win." Grandpa's voice broke and he opened his arms wide. "Come here."

When Grandpa's arms were tight around him for the first time since he'd been made a Mage, tears flowed down Win's face.

He'd felt cut off from Grandpa for such a long time. It was good to be home again.

**

After talking with Brent, Dee sat down at the computer to study some more. But she wasn't ready for more visualization today - not after that frightening astral walk. She read the tables of contents of several of the other books that Aradia had recommended, and finally chose a book about the history of the Balance. At least she wouldn't have to practice anything while reading it!

However, history had always been one of her least favorite subjects, and she was soon yawning. A cup of Aradia's special tea helped make her mind more alert, but the book didn't get any more interesting.

She was just about to give up on it when her phone rang. It was Su. "Hi. Mom's here with Mr. Bill. She's in the elevator. What supplies will you need for him? I probably have everything already, and I'll get Win to bring them down from my storage area."

The first part of Su's message was so exciting that Dee had trouble answering her question. Finally, she stammered out, "Um, a litter box and litter. Dry food..." She couldn't think of anything else. Just that Mr. Bill was almost here!

Su laughed. "Go see your kitty. We'll bring the basics, and if you need more, just ask." She hung up.

Dee raced into the lounge area. The elevator doors were just opening and she could see his carrier. "Mr. Bill!"

A tiny, scared "Mao!" came from the carrier.

"Hi, Dee," Debbie Sayre said, already stepping off the elevator with the carrier. "Your kitty's been very unhappy without you." She headed right for the open door of Dee's suite.

Dee followed, barely able to contain her excitement. She wanted to rip the carrier out of Debbie's hands and go hide somewhere with Mr. Bill. The car trip must have scared him to death, especially after the trauma of three days without her. It would take him a long time to feel secure.

Debbie set the carrier down on the floor. "I know you're anxious to see your Mr. Bill again, so I'll get out of your way. I just want you to know that I was glad I could take care of him for you." She was dressed in what was probably casual attire for her - nice wool slacks, a lovely sweater, and a coordinated scarf fastened with a big gold pin.

Dee made herself smile at Debbie and say, "Well, I definitely appreciated it. I hope he wasn't too much trouble."

Debbie smiled. "He was a sweetie - no trouble at all. He cried sometimes, but I know that was because he was missing you. Now, I'll leave you two alone." She started for the door.

Just then, Win came in, carrying a litter box, litter, and a bag of expensive dry cat food. He came to a halt just inside the door, his gaze fixed on Dee's face.

"Winston, sweetie!" Debbie threw her arms around him, somehow managing to avoid getting tangled up with his burdens. "Su told me how you saved Dee from that horrible man - I'm so proud of you!"

"Oh, Mom," he said, clearly embarrassed. "It's my job - and call me Win, would ya?"

"Of course, sweetie," she answered, patting his cheek as she let go of him. "But I'm afraid you'll just have to put up with me being proud of you - it's what mothers do."

Some mothers, Dee thought to herself. She shook away that thought and sat on the floor next to the carrier. She peeked in and saw Mr. Bill huddled in the far corner, only his back side visible. "Bill," she said softly. "Bill, it's me. Come see your mommy."

She opened the carrier door and reached in to pet him. His fur was just as silky as she'd remembered.

"Where do you want these things?" Win asked. "Su said to drop this stuff off, then go back for another load."

Dee looked up at him, and her dream from last night came back in a rush. She felt a blush start, and thanked her lucky stars that Win didn't know about the dream. She swallowed to get some moisture in her mouth. "In the corner over there will be fine."

He set the things down, then turned to look at her again. "Your hair's down today. It's nice like that."

He liked her hair? She certainly wasn't going to tell him she just hadn't bothered to put it up. "Oh. Thanks."

"Yes, it's lovely like that," Debbie said. "And without your glasses, your pretty face shows up so much better."

She had a pretty face? No, that compliment had come from Debbie-the-real-estate-professional. But maybe her hair looked okay like this...

"Well, I'll be going now. You two kids have a good time..." Debbie started for the door again.

Win jumped to follow her. "I'll ride up with you, Mom." He couldn't seem to get out of the room fast enough.

**

Win's imagination was getting the best of him. It was just that Diana wearing her hair down like that today made her look a little like his dream woman. That and her eyes. Those incredible green eyes that he could disappear into for the rest of his life.

But Diana wasn't his dream woman - of course, she wasn't! First of all, the dream woman didn't exist. Second, he'd dreamed about that woman for years - most of his life, he thought. And third -

He didn't need a list of reasons! She wasn't his dream woman, and that was it. She wasn't his lifemate, either.

"Don't you agree, sweetie?" Mom asked, and he realized he'd spaced on everything she'd said since the elevator doors closed.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he said. "I was thinking about the training I was in the middle of when Su called." He felt sorry about not telling the truth, but with Mom sometimes, that was the only way.

"That's all right, sweetie. I know you're probably very busy today. It was awfully nice of your grandfather to let you come to see me."

Win had been surprised at that, himself. Normally, Grandpa wouldn't have taken any nonessential calls during training, and he certainly wouldn't have excused Win for such a flimsy reason.

But Grandpa was behaving differently today. They'd stayed in the casual sitting area even once they started working, and Grandpa had said Win didn't have to call him Guardian anymore. He said they were colleagues now, and that Win was to take an active role in deciding what training he wanted and needed at any particular time.

He liked the change, but it also made him a bit nervous. What if he chose the wrong training - or didn't choose to work hard enough?

As the elevator slowed to a stop, Mom said, "Tell your grandparents hello from your dad and me. We'll come out for a real visit soon."

"I'll tell them," he promised.

Su met them at the elevator. Her arms were full of more cat things. She gave Mom a quick kiss and stepped onto the elevator. "Win, after you say goodbye to Mom, I left another pile of stuff by the storeroom door. I could have managed it myself except for the climbing tree."

The climbing tree, too? He didn't understand why this cat had to have every single bit of paraphernalia known to mankind, but that was how Su was about animals. He said, "Okay, I'll bring it down." At least it wouldn't be cluttering up his living area!

Mom's footsteps echoed briskly on the concrete floor of the garage. "When I get back, I have to stop at the cleaners' - they lost one of my suits. And then I need to pick up a few things at the market - we're having the Hendersons over for drinks and nibbles tonight. You remember Mr. Henderson - he works with your father."

"I remember him." And he could imagine the "nibbles" Mom would be making this afternoon - elaborate- but-tiny morsels that he could eat a million of and never get full.

Mom stopped just before stepping into her car. "Now, give me a good hug, sweetie." She didn't give him a choice, hugging him so tight he could barely breathe. "I worry about you all the time, but I know you're doing what you've always wanted to." She let go, gave him one last kiss, and climbed into the driver's seat. "Take care of yourself!"

He waved as she drove out of the garage, then closed the door behind her and headed for Su's storage area. As he got back to the elevator, fully loaded, the phone there started ringing. He set the load down and picked of the phone. "Hello?"

"Oh, good - I caught you." It was Mom. "I'm just out by the main road and I've got a flat tire - could you come out and change it for me?"

"Sure, Mom. See you in a minute or two." He ought to take the time to put on a slicker since it was drizzling today, but he'd get wet changing the tire, anyway, so he didn't bother.

He went out the side door and scrambled up the hillside to the road. The driveway was a lot longer, and he hadn't climbed that hill in a long time.

The shortcut was overgrown with brush and blackberry canes. The going was a little slick, too - there'd been a lot of rain this past week. Thorns grabbed at him with nearly every step, ripping his shirt and scratching the heck out of him. Once, he stepped on a patch of clay as slick as a bar of soap, and he slid five feet down the hill before he could stop himself. He hoped Mom appreciated what he was going through to help her!

His first sight of the road included a flash of silver that looked like Mom's car. It was disappearing around a curve, though, so it couldn't be her.

As he approached the raised road shoulder he had to watch his step because of the deep channels where heavy winter rain had run off the pavement, eroding gravel and mud. Grandpa ought to have the Mage Apprentices work on this hillside over the summer.

That thought reminded him of his talk with Grandpa earlier. Grandpa had said he was capable of more than most Mages! That made him feel proud, but also daunted by the expectation. The other Mages he knew were capable of amazing feats.

He used his arms to boost himself the last couple of feet onto the road. Even before he stood up, he looked to his left to see where Mom's car was. He didn't see it - had she driven around the curve before she realized her tire was flat?

He started trudging down the road in that direction, already tired, wet, and muddy. Maybe the driveway would have been the smarter way to go - and he definitely should have grabbed a slicker.

He thought he heard voices once or twice, but looked around and didn't see anyone. When he got to where the driveway separated from the main road, he heard an engine, so he speeded up. Mom must not have made it onto the road before she stopped.

The driveway was well-screened from the main road - expressly so people wouldn't guess that it was a driveway. He turned into what looked like a small turn- around that might be too rough for a passenger car.

Wait a minute! That wasn't Mom's car sitting there in the turnaround. It was a huge van. A woman, dressed all in black, was standing a few feet from the open side door of the van, as though she was waiting for him.

"Hello," he called out. "I'm looking for my mom - her car has a flat tire. Have you seen her?"

The woman smiled. "You must be Win. We changed her tire for her - she left just a minute ago. She was going to try to call you so you knew not to come, but we said we'd watch for you, too."

Oh. That had been Mom's car he saw. "Yeah, I'm Win. Thanks for taking care of the tire."

Had these people stopped to help Mom? But they shouldn't even have seen Mom's car here from the road. And if they'd already been here when Mom got her flat, she wouldn't have asked Win to come change her tire. This whole thing felt weird.

He'd be polite for now. "Are you lost? Can I help somehow?"

"Yes, you can help," she said, but didn't say how. More weirdness.

Well, he was a Mage. He could cope with weirdness. He walked toward the van. He heard steps behind him - probably the other people from the van.

When he got almost to the woman, he asked, "How can I help you?"

Her smile was full of contempt. "You already have. By the way, my name is Callie - but call me the Seeker."

Callie? That was the name of the woman Diana met at the bookstore! Was this -

Hands as steely as manacles closed around both arms and both legs.

A voice behind him said, "I am Shiva! The Queen rules - even here, in your weak Goddess's Stronghold!"

Shiva!

Win jerked one hand free. Then a burst of magick to flatten his attackers -

But nothing happened. He directed a bolt of magick against Callie next. She winced, but remained standing.

He had to get free. A quick jerk of one leg - a kick of the other -

But the grip on him only got stronger. And then his free arm was grabbed again. He couldn't move at all!

Shiva ordered, "You - give me the syringe."

A quavering voice that Win recognized as Tanissa's said, "Here, Master."

Win visualized a syringe of some drug, pictured it shattering into a million pieces, and then gave the push to make it real.

But nothing happened. What had happened to his magick?

The needle pricked his skin and sank in.

[Diana! Help me!]

CHAPTER TWELVE

Dee wished Su would leave. It was nice of her to bring all these cat supplies and help get them organized, but Mr. Bill wouldn't even think about coming out of his carrier until they were alone.

Su kept glancing toward the elevator and frowning. Finally she said, "What's happened to Win? I left everything he's supposed to bring in a pile..." She shrugged. "Oh, well. Mom maybe wanted to talk to him or something."

She dropped onto the floor next to Dee and bent down to look into the carrier. In a soft coaxing voice, she said, "Mr. Bill, you can come out now. I like kitties, and you and I are going to be good friends."

Dee could have told her that approach wouldn't work. Mr. Bill was scared of people he didn't know, and it didn't matter if they were nice or not. In the next second, she was glad she hadn't said anything, because Mr. Bill angled his head to look at them.

"What pretty eyes you have," Su crooned. "And you're so handsome. Come on out, sweetheart."

A soft purr came from inside the big cat, and Dee reached inside to pet him again.

[Diana! Help me!]

She froze, then looked around the room for Win. He wasn't there. "Did you hear that?"

"Yes - he's purring," Su said. "Mom said he was scared of her - I wonder why."

"Not Mr. Bill. I heard Win say, 'Diana! Help me!'"

"But Win -" Su's mouth fell open. "You mean he mind-spoke to you?"

"I guess - I thought it was out loud, but if you didn't hear it..."

Su shook her head. "I didn't. Something must have happened." She jumped up. "Come on. Let's go up to the storeroom - maybe a box fell on him or something."

The storeroom was apparently in the garage, since that's where Su had the elevator take them. The ride seemed to take forever. When the doors opened, they saw the pile of supplies sitting there. Su glanced at the big overhead door, and then in another direction where Dee saw a regular door. "Both doors are closed, so he probably didn't go outside. We'll check the storeroom." She headed off at just less than a run.

The storeroom was at the far end of the garage. On the way, they passed a dozen vehicles of various types, and empty spaces for at least that many more. The storeroom door was closed, and after Su checked inside, she said, "It doesn't even look like he came in here. We have to go tell Grandpa."

Dee wasn't looking forward to meeting up with Ogma again, but she was too concerned about Win to object. What could have happened? Did it have anything to do with the cat supplies he'd been hauling?

Su was so far ahead of her on the way back to the elevator that the doors nearly closed before Dee got there. "Grandpa's office!" Su ordered, and she stood right by the doors the whole trip. She hurtled off the elevator and into what must be Ogma's office with barely a pause for a knock. "Grandpa, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Win's missing!"

Aradia must have heard the commotion, because she was there right away. "Win went to see your mother off, Sulis dear."

"I know, but he was supposed to bring more things for Mr. Bill, and he didn't, and then he mind-spoke to Dee, so we went looking for him..." Su paused to take a breath.

"What did he say?" Ogma asked, much more alert now.

"'Diana! Help me!'"

Aradia's eyes widened and she went to stand behind Ogma. He was busy at a console that seemed to consist of a dozen computers and monitors, as well as other equipment Dee couldn't identify. Aradia pointed at something on one of the screens, and they both bent to study it.

Su whispered, "They're accessing the Stronghold's memory. It's like the whole place is wired for video - the Guardian can watch what's going on anywhere at any time."

That sounded like an invasion of privacy, but if it helped find Win, Dee wouldn't complain about it.

Finally, Ogma looked up, his face stricken. "He's been captured."

"What -" Su started to ask.

Aradia pointed at a large screen. "Look there. You can see what happened."

They watched as Win met and talked with some people in a van, and then was grabbed from behind. All of a sudden, Dee recognized who they were. "That's Callie - and Shiva's the guy with all the tattoos!"

"And there's Tanissa." Su pointed at another woman.

Dee knew her, too. "That's the woman I Saw being branded and later gang-raped."

"She deserves worse," Su said from between her teeth. Out loud, she asked, "But why didn't he zap them with magick?"

"He tried," Aradia said. "But something seems to have interfered -"

"The Amulet!" Ogma's expression was even more horrified than a few moments earlier.

Aradia closed her eyes and murmured, "Oh, dear."

Dee whispered, "What's the Amulet?"

Su shook her head slightly and answered, "Win's Amulet of Obedience, I guess. Apprentice Mages use them so they don't cause damage with their magick before they can fully control it. But Win hasn't worn his since he was made a Mage."

"Is that what your grandfather told him to bring here after his Vigil?" Dee asked.

"Oh yeah." Su thought for a second. "Maybe -"

Aradia stood up straight and placed both hands on Ogma's shoulders in a very protective manner. "I'll explain, girls. After Win's Vigil, Ogma told him to wear his Amulet for a while during normal activities. It was intended to help him keep Goddess in his heart and mind at all times, so he would remember to behave in ways that She would want him to. The Amulet doesn't prevent someone of his power from doing magick, but it limits the amount that can be done."

"It functions somewhat like a circuit breaker," Ogma added. "He should have removed it before leaving the Stronghold - that's the rule he learned as an Apprentice."

"He apparently forgot this time," Aradia continued. "He fought when they captured him, but very little of his magick got through - and his attackers were probably protected by Shiva's magick, so he might not have been able to do much, in any case."

When Dee looked at Ogma and Aradia now, she saw two grandparents rather than two regal beings without mercy. But she didn't see any signs of anyone doing anything to help Win. "What happens now?"

Aradia said, "We'll monitor the situation, and try to find where they're taking him. The Council knows what's happened, and if they can spare a Mage to help, perhaps..." She trailed off, a haunted expression in her eyes.

"You mean, you're not going after them right now?" Dee demanded. "They couldn't have gotten very far, and there aren't all that many roads around here."

Ogma's imperious attitude returned in full force. "Seer Diana, I am Guardian of this region. I am responsible for each being in this entire region. As much as I might wish to hare off after my foolish grandson and the evildoers who have captured him, that is an indulgence my service to Goddess will not permit."

"But they'll kill Win! I've Seen their ceremonies!"

Ogma glared at her and said, "You have the power to save Win. Do you also have the courage?"

**

Rock, rock, rock. Win wished the hammock would stop rocking. It made him seasick.

And what was that smell? Like musty filthy clothes, but dusty, too. He needed to cough. That filthy stuff was in his mouth! Why couldn't he spit it out?

He opened his eyes. He was looking at - what? - a ceiling, maybe - but it was only about three feet away.

Still that rock - rock - rock -

BUMP! His whole body lurched. He tried to reach out for something to grab, but his hands wouldn't move. Neither would his legs.

None of this was good, but he was too fuzzy to think right now.

**

"I have the power?" Dee asked. "That can't be - I can't even do simple magick."

Ogma's lips thinned in disgust. "You haven't tried. And you offend Goddess by refusing to train your Sight. But none of that is what I mean - I refer to your lifemate bond with my grandson."

Lifemate bond? "I'm not Win's lifemate!" she protested. "Su's been kidding about that, but -"

"Did you not say that Win mind-spoke to you?" Ogma asked, his voice sharp and urgent.

Dee nodded. "Well, yes. And it's not the first time - he called me down to the Ritual Ground yesterday morning that way, too."

Ogma turned slightly to look at Aradia standing just behind him. "You did not tell her what that meant?"

Aradia shook her head. "No. I thought it best to come from Win." She turned to Dee. "Once a person reaches adolescence, only one's lifemate can mind-speak with him or her."

These people were saying she and Win were lifemates! That she and Win shared a soul. That they'd been created by Goddess to spend their lives together.

"But Win claims they're not lifemates," Su said. "He says they could mind-speak during his Vigil because Goddess willed it."

Su's words cut right through Dee's heart. No matter whether they were lifemates or not, Win didn't want it to be true.

She'd hoped last night that maybe he liked her a little - that maybe that was why he'd stayed with her after her astral walk. But he'd probably only stayed with her because Aradia had told him to make sure she ate.

She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

But she would worry about her heartbreak another time - like after Win was safe. "What is it that you think I can do to save Win?" she asked, hoping the tears in her throat weren't obvious to listeners.

Aradia explained, "There's a technique that lifemates use. It -" She glanced at Su uncertainly, appearing embarrassed. "It's considered rather, um, intimate, and we normally only teach it to about-to-be-bonded lifemates and Mages."

Intimate? "Intimate how? Like sex?"

Aradia and Ogma both froze for several seconds, and Aradia answered, "No, not like that. It's all mental, no physical contact at all. It allows one lifemate to send power to the other one, no matter where either one is located. If you were to mind-link with Win, Ogma and I could share some of our power with him through you, and he'd be able to free himself."

"If that's all there is to it, why don't you talk about it?"

Aradia didn't have an answer, so Ogma spoke. "We don't talk about it because there's no reason to! Mages learn the technique, and so do about-to-be-bonded lifemates. Those are the only people who have any reason to know about it." His look was disgusted. "Only you and my foolish grandson are idiot enough to ignore your lifemate bond until a crisis!"

Why was he blaming her? She hadn't known what being able to mind-speak meant! Well, no point wasting energy being mad at Ogma - it wasn't his fault, either. "So, you think this mind-linking thing is something Win and I could learn to do, and that he could get free then?"

"Win already knows the technique," Ogma pointed out. "You merely need to learn how to allow him to mind- link with you, and we will do the rest."

His attitude said that a trained monkey could do everything that was required, but Dee wouldn't let that keep her from helping Win. "But how can you give me power to send to him?"

Aradia answered, "We can transmit power by touching you. The technique is workable - before Ogma became a Guardian, we ran into a somewhat similar situation -"

"It wasn't similar," Ogma protested. "We were already bonded, you were a trained Priestess, and I didn't let some tattooed punk walk up to me and shoot me up with dope."

Aradia sighed and patted Ogma's shoulder. "Of course not, dear. I was speaking of the technique, not the circumstances. The point is that, given Win's and Dee's individual powers, and considering their lifemate bond, we would stand a very good chance of success."

"Oh. Well, yes, of course," Ogma allowed. "If Diana were to try, it would likely work." He spoke haughtily, apparently sure she'd never do it.

"Will you try?" Su asked. "It's not dangerous, is it, Grandma?"

Aradia shook her head. "No, it's not. It would require some practice, and since you and Win aren't formally bonded, it might be difficult to establish a strong link. I'm convinced it's not beyond your capability - but Dee, we truly will understand if you decide not to attempt it."

Dee knew that Aradia was telling the truth as she wanted it to be, not as it really was. Ogma already thought she was slacking off on her responsibilities, and refusing to learn to mind-link would only give his contempt ammunition. Both Su and Aradia would try to understand, but they loved Win too much to succeed.

Not that their opinions of her were the deciding factor. Win's life was what mattered. If she refused, he might or might not be saved - and she suspected the odds were strongly toward the negative. If she agreed, he still might not be saved, but the odds of saving him were better - and she wouldn't have to just sit around waiting for something to happen.

"I'll do whatever I can to help Win."

**

Still rocking. And some kind of low rhythmic sound - an engine, Win guessed. Maybe he was in a car...

No! That van he'd seen!

Except when had he seen it? And what had happened between then and now?

GAH! A knee landed right in his groin - and another in his midsection. He gasped for air, and that filthy cloth got sucked farther into his mouth.

He opened his eyes. Tanissa!

"He's awake," she announced, then slapped his face hard - twice. "That's just for starters, you asshole! Look at me," she demanded, leaning forward so her face was only inches from his.

Both eyes were black, and her whole face was puffy and discolored. Traces of dried blood were everywhere. "My whole body's a mess - and it's all because of you!" She glared at him for a few seconds, then smiled. "But I fixed you! I told Master how to capture you - and now I get to help prepare you for sacrifice -"

She stopped suddenly and looked toward the front of the van. "I can help, can't I, Master? You said I could, if I helped capture Win."

"I said I would consider it." Shiva's voice was harsh. "You are my Servant. You serve as I say."

"Yes, Master. I live only to serve you." Her whole body shook.

"See that you remember that."

"Yes, Master." She crawled off Win and hunched into a small shape, her eyes trained on the area between the two front seats. After a few minutes, she whispered to Win, "Even if I don't get to help, I'll enjoy watching you suffer. I can't decide who I hope he does next - your precious sister or that bitch grandmother of yours."

Shiva was going to kill Su and Grandma, too?

NO!

He jerked at his bonds, desperate to get free. Sheer force wouldn't break them, so he struggled to roll over and get up on his knees. He'd crawl to the front of the van and strangle Shiva with his bare hands!

He was tackled before he'd moved six inches - by someone who weighed a heck of a lot more than Tanissa.

He hadn't known anyone else was in the back of the van!

That person slammed him face first onto the floor of the van and sat on him. "No more ideas, pretty boy," a guttural man's voice said.

He was right. Win was out of ideas.

**

Dee hurried back to her suite. Aradia had said they both should eat and rest for a few minutes before they started working on mind-linking.

"Mr. Bill, where are you? Mommy's back now," she said as she opened the door.

He didn't come out, but then, she hadn't expected that. She looked in his carrier - empty, a good sign. He'd at least started to deal with his new surroundings. Next, she knew to check the covered litter box - he'd hid there when they moved into the house in Lake Oswego and then again when they moved into the apartment.

The litter box was where he was this time, too. "There you are! That's okay. You stay there as long as you want to. Mommy'll be here whenever you're ready to come out."

Aradia had agreed to do the training here, saying that it was actually better than either a classroom or her office. It was private and the more comfortable environment would allow Dee to relax more completely. Dee hoped it would also give Mr. Bill time to adjust to his temporary home.

As she put a frozen dinner in the microwave, she remembered that Aradia had suggested trying to mind-speak to Win every once in a while. He'd been given some kind of drug, so he might still be unconscious. But if he wasn't, he should be told about their plan as soon as possible.

"Win, can you hear me?" she asked.

There was no answer, and she realized that she'd said the words out loud. Could he be expected to hear them?

He'd heard her speak out loud when he called her to the Ritual Ground, but maybe that was because he'd already mind-spoken to her and was listening for her response.

She'd begun to think she was getting the hang of this Balance stuff, but there was way too much to learn in just a few days. She almost wanted to give up.

But then she remembered that Aradia and Ogma and Su were all counting on her. And that Win's life was in her hands.

She couldn't give up!

**

The van finally came to a stop. The front doors opened and slammed closed again, and then the big side door slid open.

Callie said, "Okay, you two, put the blindfold on him and get him up."

The guy who'd been sitting on Win got up. He and another beefy guy turned Win over, untied his feet, and dragged him to the door.

Callie stood outside the door, watching. Tall Sitka spruce trees surrounded the small clearing where they were parked.

The blindfold they put on him covered his nose, too, and it smelled like part of the same filthy rag that was in his mouth. It made him queasy just to breathe through it.

Next, he was shoved onto his feet. His hands felt like dead weight, and his feet felt disconnected from the rest of his body. When one of the guys shoved him from behind, he fell flat on the rough gravel. Feeling roared back into his arms and hands.

Both guys roared with laughter. It cut off abruptly when Shiva said, "Get him up and come along."

One of the guys gripped the back of his belt and lifted him off the ground and back onto his feet. "You heard Master - move."

He was propelled forward by a hard blow to the small of his back. He stumbled along, encouraged every second step by a swat on his butt. They seemed to be on a path, and it started out relatively smooth. Soon, it became rough and full of obstacles - virtually all of which Win tripped on. The guy behind him kept hold of his belt, though, so he didn't fall again.

After a couple of minutes, Win tripped over what felt like a threshold, and then they were inside some sort of building. He was led about ten feet farther, then stopped abruptly.

"How do you want him tied up?"

A woman - Win guessed it was Callie - laughed. "Spread-eagled on the cot - naked, of course. And be sure to tie him tight. We'll need a fire started, too - and lots of wood to burn."

Win heard a hard slap, a woman gasp in pain, and then Shiva's voice. "Because you are the Seeker, I allow you certain liberties. Do not overstep them."

"I meant no disrespect, Master."

Another blow - this one from a closed fist. "On your knees!"

"Master, I'm sorry!" She was sobbing now. "Master, please, do not be angry with me. I wish to please you always."

"You may please me by hauling the wood for the fire yourself - skyclad as always when doing the Queen's work."

Skyclad? Shiva was making her haul wood naked?

"Yes, Master."

The guy behind him spoke softly to someone else. "Help me with pretty boy here."

Somebody else - probably that other beefy guy Win had seen earlier - grabbed his belt and unfastened it, then undid his jeans. The guy behind him yanked down both jeans and underwear together, and left them pooled around his ankles. "Can't get the shirt off without untying his hands."

"Don't bother - here." The guy in front slit his shirt right up the middle, then cut open both sleeves. "Think pretty boy likes the new fashion statement?"

The guy in back ripped the shirt off. "Dunno. Think he's got any concealed weapons?" He ran his hands over Win's whole back, from the neck down to his ankles. Then, he ran his hands up the insides of Win's legs -

All the way up! He even stuck a finger in Win's anus!

The other guy laughed. "I'll check the front." He avoided Win's genitals, but he didn't miss anything else. He paused to finger the Amulet around Win's neck and said, "Hey, I didn't know this guy was a pansy. He's wearing a real pretty necklace."

The Amulet! That was why Win hadn't been able to do magick! If the guy would just take it off...

But he dropped the Amulet then, and grabbed Win's balls and cock in a steel-like grip. No! Leave them alone! He squeezed and Win wished he could pass out.

The guy laughed again. "Nope. No weapons. The girls'll be perfectly safe with a wuss like him."

The first guy said, "Come on, let's get him onto the cot." He picked Win up and with not much help from the other guy, deposited him flat on his back. He straddled Win's knees and said, "Do his arms first."

A knife blade nicked Win's wrist as the second guy cut his bonds. One arm was yanked over his head. With the other, Win made a grab for the Amulet. He'd rip it off -

The first guy grabbed his hand. "Nope. I've been waiting for you to make a move. Tie pretty boy real tight now," he told the other guy.

That guy nearly pulled Win's arm out of its socket, then tied it so tight the hand lost feeling immediately. The other arm got the same treatment. A few seconds later, his shoes got yanked off. His socks and pants followed.

The first guy climbed off of Win. Each guy took one of his legs and pulled - like Win was a turkey wishbone and they were both determined to get the big piece. His legs were tied down - leaving him spread wide.

Why did they have to do that? Wasn't all the rest of it enough?

Tanissa spoke softly from near his head. "I'm gonna laugh when you get sacrificed."

Shiva's voice rang out. "You!"

"Yes, Master?" Tanissa answered.

"You will assist the Seeker in preparing the sacrifice," he told her.

"Oh, thank you, Master!" She pinched Win's nipple viciously and whispered, "You're gonna be sorry."

He already was sorry. He just wished he knew why Tanissa had turned against him so thoroughly.

Shiva told Tanissa, "You will be watched constantly. Follow the Seeker's orders as though they were mine."

"I will, Master. I live only to serve you and please you." Another whisper. "And torment you."

"Now, go help the Seeker with the wood - also skyclad," Shiva ordered.

"Yes, Master."

After that, the room was quiet except for soft footsteps coming and going and the solid thunks of wood being stacked.

Why all the wood? Were they going to burn him to death?

Shiva finally said, "That's enough. Remember - I want him damaged, but still conscious. The Queen demands that of her special sacrifices."

"Yes, Master. I understand," Callie answered. "Thank you, Master, for giving me this honor."

"Earn it, or you will be the sacrifice." Shiva clomped out of the building without waiting for her answer. The other two guys followed, and someone shut the door.

A few seconds passed, then Callie told Tanissa, "Make sure they're out of sight."

Tanissa answered, "They're gone."

"Okay. Show time!" Callie ripped off Win's blindfold and pulled the gag out of his mouth. "Hi there, Magey-poo. You're just exactly where I like men best - completely under my control."

His mouth felt like an animal had died in it, and he couldn't work up enough saliva to swallow.

"You're not thinking about spitting at me, are you?" she asked. "Because that would be really, really dumb, and you don't want to find out what I do to dumb captives."

"I'm not going to spit at you." What he'd like to do was zap her with enough magick to knock her on her well-padded ass.

She smiled despite the split lip that Shiva had just given her. "That's smart. See that you stay that way."

She laid one hand on his belly and another on his chest. "Nice tight body. I bet things'll hurt you worse than if you had some flab on you."

"Of course, I don't even have to bother with your nice hard body. I can cause all the pain in the world with just this hand -" She wiggled the fingers that were on his belly.

"And this sweet little plaything." She reached down and grabbed his cock and balls. She twisted -

Oh Goddess!

"You can scream," she told him. "There's no one for miles." And she dug in her fingernails -

"No!"

She let go and grinned. "See? You make me happy when you scream. If you make me happy, maybe I'll stop hurting you for a little while."

She leaned in close to his face. "But you know what I like a lot better than screaming? Begging - I love begging."

He absolutely would not beg. She could do anything she wanted to him, but she couldn't make him beg.

"Tanissa, get over here."

Tanissa moved up on his other side, and he couldn't help comparing the two women's bodies. Tanissa's was shapely and sexy, whereas Callie's was thick through the middle and lacking on the top. She didn't seem ashamed or embarrassed by the inevitable comparison, though.

They both bore brands on the upper half of their left breasts. Like Tanissa, Callie bore many bruises, but hers didn't seem as recent.

Goddess, what was wrong with him? He was trussed up for torture and he was getting an erection?

Tanissa laughed. "See? He likes looking at us."

Callie looked at his penis. "You're right - pretty good size, too - not thick like Master, though." She smirked at Tanissa. "Not that you've had any experience with Master."

"I will - and he won't want you after he's had me."

"Master doesn't waste his precious seed on the likes of you."

Tanissa gave her a superior look and said, "Any man would rather have a body that looks like this." She cupped her hands under her breasts and thrust them forward. "Just ask him." She pointed at Win with her chin.

Win would have answered if he'd known what answer would cause Tanissa and Callie to spend the night fighting instead of torturing him. If he had some time alone, he thought he could build enough power to blow up the Amulet.

"You stupid slut," Callie said. "Do you really want to blow this chance Master gave you? You won't get away with a few kicks this time."

Sullen now, Tanissa said, "It was a lot more than a few kicks. But no, I don't want to disappoint him - and I want my share in torturing him." Again, she pointed at Win.

"Then do as I say," Callie snapped. "The idea is to cause so much pain that the sacrifice's mental shields are worn down to nothing. Then, when Master takes the sacrifice tomorrow night, he'll be able to absorb all the sacrifice's life force and magickal power for his own."

He was the sacrifice! He was the one Callie was talking about so casually! And all his years of Mage training wouldn't be enough to stop them! His mouth filled with sick saliva now, and it was all he could do not to puke.

Callie grinned, and shivers ran all over Win's body. "Now, since we've got such a nice randy sacrifice - and since there are two of us - we can have some real fun. We'll call it 'good torture/bad torture' - you're the good torturer, Tanissa. Your job is keep him turned on - the harder and the hornier the better. Be careful not to let him come - but then, I don't think that will be a problem."

The way she said that made the shivers much worse. Then she looked him straight in the eye, and he knew what was coming would be horrid. "I'm the bad torturer, and my job is to hurt you. A lot, and in ways you haven't been trained to expect."

She glanced over at Tanissa. "You go first."

Tanissa bent over and took him into her mouth. He was instantly rock-hard, and the delicate licks of her tongue made him strain for more.

Why did she have to make it so good? And why did she make it feel just like it always had?

Her glare answered his questions. She despised him and she wanted him to feel it with every breath.

Had she always hated him?

"Mage," Callie said. "Look at me - not her. She is nothing - I am the one you want to please."

He looked at Callie, but her face was more daunting than Tanissa's, so he shifted his eyes away from her.

"I said look at me!"

He did.

Her arm moved, and quick as a serpent, she grabbed his little toe and -

He screamed. "You broke my toe!"

Automatically, he used magick to block the pain. Only after he'd gained a little relief did he realize that the Amulet hadn't stopped him from doing that. Could he perhaps use his powers a little at a time?

"Got it in one." She smiled and gave the toe another vicious twist -

Yoww! The pain-block failed and he couldn't create another one. Goddess, he was in deep shit!

Callie leaned into his face. "That was just a sample, Mage. You couldn't stop it - you won't be able to stop any of it." Another smile. "But don't let that stop you from begging."

He wouldn't beg.

At least, he hoped not.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

When Dee opened her door for Aradia, the older woman hugged her. "Dee, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this! After Ra left the Balance, I thought Ogma would never be the same. But then, Win was born and we knew he had magickal talent -"

"Excuse me, but who's Ra?" She led the way into her sitting area and shut the door behind them.

"Our son - Win and Sulis's father. His name is Ray now. Anyway, as I was saying, Win's talent and interest in the Balance has been just wonderful for Ogma. If -"

Tears sparkled in her eyes. "If something were to happen to Win, I know that Ogma would take it very personally - even though what he told you is completely true. He must place Goddess's interests above his own." She sat on the loveseat.

Dee sat in a comfortable chair. "Before we start talking about mind-linking, I need some help with mind- speaking."

Aradia frowned. "What kind of help? Win may still be knocked out, you know. You wouldn't be able to mind-speak with him then."

"I understand, but my problem is that I don't know what to do."

"What to do?" Aradia asked. "To mind-speak, you mean?" When Dee nodded, Aradia said, "But I thought you and Win mind-spoke yesterday morning."

Dee nodded again. "Yes, but he talked in my head, and I spoke out loud back to him. I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh. No, it isn't," Aradia said with a smile. "You simply think the words you want to mind-speak."

"But how do the words get to Win?"

Aradia nodded. "Oh, I see. You're not familiar with what we call forming an intention. It's how we do magick - even Healing magick. We form an intention and then give a little push to make the intention real."

"Like when I astral walked?" Dee asked. "After I visualized where to go and stepped out of my body."

Aradia smiled. "Exactly! So you form the intention of mind-speaking to Win, think the words, and they appear in his mind."

She reached out and laid her hand on Dee's knee. "Practice mind-speaking to me now."

"But you said only lifemates could mind-speak!"

Aradia smiled and shook her head. "I'm too used to the students I train for years. I keep expecting you to know things you've never been exposed to."

She took her hand back and sat upright. "Any two people can mind-speak if they're touching. That's why I put my hand on your knee. It's very convenient for learning, but rarely useful in practice."

"Mind-speaking across a distance is a different matter," she continued. "Siblings sometimes can mind-speak as children - typically when both have magickal talent and are close in age. Win and Sulis mind-spoke for years."

"They can't do that anymore?"

Aradia shook her head. "Not since they hit puberty. It makes sense - as adults, they need to find their lifemates and bond. Being able to mind-speak with each other would do them no good."

"Except right now," Dee pointed out. "If Su could mind-speak with him, she could be the one to mind- link and save him."

Aradia appeared scandalized by the suggestion, but didn't comment. "Let's try mind-speaking." She reached out her hand and Dee took it. "You try first, then I'll answer."

Okay. Form the intention - mind-speak with Aradia. Think the thought - I hope this works.

[It does, Dee. Now, try mind-speaking something a little more complex. Tell me about your kitty, why don't you?]

Aradia's words were right there in her brain, and they sounded like Aradia. Maybe sounded wasn't the right word, but the Aradia-ness really seemed like it was a sound.

[Okay. Well, I've had Mr. Bill ever since I moved to Portland. He was abandoned in the parking lot of the apartment complex where I lived. He was really tiny and had more fleas than anything else.]

Aradia was smiling at her. [See, Dee? It's easy to mind-speak. Now, why don't you see if Win's awake?]

[Okay.] She let go of Aradia's hand and thought about Win.

[Win? Can you hear me?]

Nothing happened. Maybe she hadn't formed her intention definitely enough. She wanted to mind-speak to Win. Just to reinforce her intention, she visualized him the way she'd seen him last.

[Win? Please answer me - we're worried about you!]

**

[Win? Can you hear me?]

Was that a voice? Win jerked out of a haze and looked around. Callie and Tanissa were across the room eating, and no one else was here.

[Win? Please answer me - we're worried about you!]

That really was a voice - in his head. Someone was mind-speaking to him.

[I'm here. Who are you?] he asked.

[Oh, Win! This is Dee. We know that Shiva captured you. Your grandmother's going to teach me to mind-link with you, so you can get free.]

It was Diana! He didn't really get much of the rest of what she said, but he knew she mentioned the word "free". That was a very good word. [You're going to help me get free?]

She answered, [Yes, but I have to learn to mind- link first. That way, I can send you extra power.]

He glanced over at Callie and Tanissa. They were finishing their sandwiches. [I can't talk long - and if I don't answer sometimes, don't worry.]

He heard sudden sharpness in her tone. [Are they hurting you?]

How could he answer that? [Well, some, but nothing I can't deal with.] Not yet, at least. [They aren't going to sacrifice me until tomorrow night, so we've got some time. And I don't know if it'll help, but we're in the Coast Range somewhere - in a cabin just a little bit off a fairly busy road.]

Just then, Callie said, "You get him warmed up, Tanissa. I'll be there shortly."

He swallowed hard. [Diana, I have to go. But make sure Grandma and Grandpa know I'm wearing my Amulet. I can barely do any magick, and it drains me right away.]

**

Dee wanted to cry, but she managed to send one last thought to Win. [I'll tell them. And Win, I promise I'll learn to mind-link if I possibly can, and do it just as quickly as possible, too. Goodbye for now.]

[Bye.] His answer sounded strained. They were probably torturing him right now. How could she explain that to his grandmother?

She stood abruptly. "I got through and explained what we're going to do. Now, please excuse me. I'll be back in a minute."

She pushed the bathroom door closed behind her and sank onto the toilet seat. She'd known they would kill him, and she'd been determined to prevent that if possible. But why hadn't she realized that they'd torture Win, too?

Mind-speaking with someone undergoing torture wasn't something she'd been prepared for. She'd wanted to do something to stop it - or at least promise it would end soon. Instead, she'd had to say goodbye, knowing she was leaving him to something awful, and knowing she might never be able to save him.

Enough! She had a job to do. It was time to go do it.

She washed her face and returned to face Aradia. "Win says he's okay and they aren't planning to sacrifice him until tomorrow night. But I intend to learn to mind- link just as fast as I can."

**

Win bit his tongue, but it didn't help. Tanissa had him in her fist now, and his skin was so sensitive that her hand felt like it was made of sandpaper. It also felt so damn good he was right on the edge of orgasm.

If she stopped now, he'd probably beg her to let him come.

He'd sworn he wouldn't beg, no matter what they did.

Callie strode to her customary position on the right side of the cot. "Well, well! Someone is having a very good time right about now - we'll have to see what we can do about that."

He looked back at Tanissa, watching her hand move. Maybe watching would take him over the top - it sure wouldn't take much.

Callie snapped, "Look at me, Mage."

Didn't she understand? He couldn't look away now!

Oh, Goddess. It felt like Callie was twisting his broken toe all the way off his foot!

"I said look at me!" she said, continuing to twist the toe until he met her eyes. "That's better. Now I want you to keep your eyes on me all the time - I'm the one who matters here. Not you, and not little Tanissa over there. Do you understand?"

He nodded, but she didn't let up on twisting his toe, so he figured she must want him to say the words. "I understand."

She let go, and he gasped in relief. "Now that we have that clear, we're going to play a little with my knife." She brandished the blade in front of his face.

"You may be thinking that this is a small knife - and you're right. But small knives can make mighty nasty cuts, especially when they're real sharp like this one is."

She smiled again. "Besides, I have a much bigger knife in case I decide to do some surgery. Shiva won't care if you're missing a finger or two when he gets hold of you."

Win imagined the slice of the blade as it cut through skin, muscles, tendons... He gagged, knowing he'd beg if she did that.

She smiled and placed the tip of the knife blade on his belly. His eyes left hers to watch it, and she drew the blade down his belly nearly all the way to his groin, just breaking the skin.

"Get your eyes back where they belong, Mage, or you'll watch me carve you up."

He looked at her.

And he kept his eyes on her face even when he felt her cut him again.

This one was deeper.

So was the next.

**

When Dee sat down again, she saw that Mr. Bill was peeking around the corner of the bed at her. She put her hand down and wiggled the fingers, letting him know she'd pet him if he came closer.

She met Aradia's eyes then. "How is mind-linking different from mind-speaking?"

"It's a step beyond mind-speaking," Aradia answered. "Instead of you speaking to Win in his mind, and he in yours, your minds are actually connected. You'll be able to sense his thoughts, and he yours."

No wonder Aradia had said it was considered intimate! She didn't want him knowing her thoughts!

Aradia smiled, "I know. You're not really comfortable with that idea. I can assure you, however, that Win will respect your privacy. Also, you and he will both be busy with a much more urgent task."

Yes, they would be. And she'd never forgive herself if a selfish and petty concern kept her from helping Win. "I understand. What will I need to do?"

"You'll need to lower the barriers you keep around yourself, so that he can slip inside. It's a matter of trusting the other person - plus practice, of course."

"How much practice?" Win was being tortured - every minute counted.

"It's hard to say - until you can do it whenever you want, and keep the barriers down as long as you want."

It sounded awful! Dee asked, "You and I will practice together, is that right?"

Aradia nodded. "Yes. Would you like to take a break before we start?"

She wanted it to be over already! But since that wasn't possible, she said, "No. Let's get started. How do I lower my barriers?"

Aradia leaned over and took her hand again. "You're being very brave, Dee. I do understand and appreciate that. Just try to relax and not worry about what's happening."

Just then, Mr. Bill bumped her other hand. She buried her fingers in his fur and listened to him purr. It felt like he was telling her it was okay for her to relax.

"Okay," she said, her stomach fluttering. "I'm ready." She held perfectly still, thinking maybe that would make it easier for Aradia to mind-link with her.

Oh. She felt something. Not a bad thing - not exactly, but it was there, right at the edge of her brain.

Aradia spoke softly. "You're doing well, Dee. I know it feels strange. Just remember I won't hurt you. I'm your friend."

Her friend? She didn't have friends. Except maybe that wasn't true anymore. Su was her friend. Win was her friend. And yes, Aradia was her friend, too.

The thing slipped inside! "Good, Dee. See? It doesn't hurt."

Life hurt! She squeezed her eyes shut and curled into herself. But she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't.

"Dee? What happened, dear? Are you okay?" Aradia's voice was farther away now - but not far enough. Why wouldn't she just leave her alone?

Because of Win, she remembered. She had to learn to mind-link so they could save him. And maybe he didn't want to be her lifemate, but he was decent and he accepted her as a fellow human being. That was worth a lot.

She forced herself to sit up again, using her contact with Mr. Bill to give her courage. "I'm sorry. I messed up." Why was she surprised? She was incompetent - everyone always told her that.

"You didn't 'mess up'," Aradia said, but not in that fake-accepting way people usually said things like that. She sounded like she meant it. "Mind-linking is strange at first, and it requires practice. We managed it for a few seconds the first try - that's excellent."

Maybe she shouldn't believe Aradia, but she needed to. The reassurance made her more brave. "Let's try again."

She wouldn't let Win down if she could help it.

**

It was dark out now. It had been full daylight when Callie took Win's blindfold off. That meant he'd been here for hours.

It felt like days - a lifetime, even. A lifetime of pain.

What was taking Diana so long? Was she having trouble learning to mind-link? What if she couldn't do it?

No. He couldn't think like that. She'd learn how.

She had to.

**

Callie announced, "We have a new toy, Mage! Doesn't this look like fun?"

She waved a burning stick at him. "See, this end is nice and cool - and this end isn't." She held the burning end close to his chest hair.

The hair singed, and he felt the heat of the fire against his skin. What was she going to do with that thing? How much damage would Shiva let her do, anyway?

"I think we'll play around for a while before we get to anything very precious. How about your leg?"

She touched his thigh with the stick. The flame had gone out, but the stick was still red-hot. He jerked against his restraints, and Tanissa laughed. "Leave it on for a while - let him feel what it's like to be branded!"

Callie nodded. "Good idea. Watch this, Mage."

She took the stick and laid the red-hot part across his other thigh, up higher. He tried to stay still, but he couldn't. She pressed harder, and he bit his tongue so he wouldn't beg her to stop.

[Win?]

Oh Goddess! He couldn't talk to Diana now! But he had to answer. [Diana?]

[Win, are you okay? Are they - never mind. Of course they are.]

Callie lifted the stick from his skin. Why didn't the pain stop?

[Win, I've learned to mind-link. We can try it whenever you're ready.]

[Thank Goddess.] The pain was almost bearable now.

"Look," Tanissa squealed. "He's crying!"

"Well, that's a start, at least," Callie said. "Let's see what other miracles my new little toy is capable of."

She was going to do more? He couldn't let Diana know what was happening to him. [Please - go away - right now. I'll call when they take a break.]

If they took a break.

In his mind, he spoke to Goddess. "Goddess, please help me endure this."

**

Dee knew Aradia was watching her, so she kept her expression as calm as possible the whole time she was mind- speaking with Win. After she broke the connection, she said, "I think we should all take a break before we try mind-linking."

Aradia frowned, and Dee was sure she would comment on the fact that Dee had been the one urging speed for the past many hours. But she simply pressed her lips together and nodded. "You're right, dear." She stood slowly, her movements stiff.

Did she realize why they had to wait?

"Call when Win - I mean when you're ready. I'll be with Ogma." She left, seeming much older than when she'd arrived.

**

Was it minutes or hours later that Callie took a break? Win had no way of knowing, and it didn't particularly matter.

What did matter was that he was still okay. The damage Callie and Tanissa had done was temporary and healable. Yes, he was exhausted and virtually every part of his body throbbed with pain, but if the mind-link worked, he'd have an extra reserve of power to help him get out of here.

The mind-link had to work! He couldn't deal with another day of this torture - and he really didn't want to die.

[Diana?]

[Yes, Win. Are you ready to mind-link? I am.]

[Yes. I'm reaching for you...] He felt her out there, and he let himself be drawn to her. It seemed like such a long distance, though...

But then she reached for him, and they were suddenly there together -

He felt her wonder when she'd feel him slip inside her brain, and whether it would be as awful as before.

[I'm already there, Diana,] he told her.

Her brain bubbled with pleasure.

There was nowhere else in the universe where he'd rather be.

**

That was easy! Not like with Aradia, when Dee had to be so careful not to let her defenses react to the intrusion. With Win, it didn't feel like an intrusion - it didn't feel like anything, except that she could hear him thinking.

[I'll call your grandmother now. She said they'd be ready.] She picked up the phone and made the call. Within a minute, she was waiting for the elevator.

It was then that she felt Win shaking - whether it was his body or his mind, she didn't know. [What's wrong? It feels like you're shaking.] There was pain, too, but it was fuzzy and didn't seem real.

[I'm just weak, and mind-speaking takes power. I'll be glad when you start feeding me Grandpa's power.]

The elevator had always seemed to come quickly before. Now it was impossibly slow. [Do I have enough power to help?]

[You have plenty. I just need a little right now.] He sounded worse all the time.

[Take whatever you need,] she said. The elevator finally arrived and she stepped on. How would it feel for him to take power from her?

Warm. Like the blood flowing through her veins was at least a few degrees warmer than ever before. And Win was suddenly much steadier, and there in her mind even more strongly than earlier. [Oh Win, they've hurt you horribly!]

[I'm okay,] he told her, and she felt him add now to himself. [Diana, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you'd do this for me.]

[You protected me from Shiva, even when I didn't want you to. I couldn't not help you when you needed it.] Besides, she liked being able to help him.

The elevator doors opened, and Ogma and Aradia stood there waiting. "We've got a comfortable chair for you over here, dear," Aradia said, leading her to a quiet corner of Ogma's office. "We'll just let you alone while you link with Win."

"We're already linked," she said, enjoying both Aradia's and Ogma's shock - particularly Ogma's. She sank into the chair. "We're ready whenever you are."

Ogma stepped behind her and placed both hands on her shoulders. "Tell Win to take whatever power he needs. I think he'll need to destroy the Amulet first - but it might explode, so he should move it as far from his body as he can."

[I heard that,] Win said. [Can you sense through my body, like I can through yours?]

She thought about it, and immediately saw a vastly different room than Ogma's office. It was the cabin from one of her dreams, lit again by firelight - and Win's naked body was laid out on display. The degradation was nearly as awful as the blood.

He turned his head, and she felt his shame and embarrassment. He hadn't wanted her to see what they'd done to him.

[I'll pull more power now,] he told her.

Her blood got hotter, and she felt Win growing stronger. An odd just-on-the-verge-of-something feeling built, and then a pendant rose from Win's chest. That must be the Amulet! How could something so small cause such problems?

Win directed power at the Amulet, and it began to glow. It became brighter and brighter -

And then there was a sharp pop and it disappeared.

"The Amulet's gone," she told Ogma and Aradia.

Now Win filled her mind with strength and energy and bright colors. She felt him visualize his bonds dissolving into thin air, then use only a portion of his power to make the intention real.

"He's free!" His joy and hers merged with such intensity that she could hardly breathe.

Aradia gave a small cry and hugged her. "May Goddess bless you!"

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Win came to his feet quickly - Callie was already on her way back to confront him. His foot - no, he had to ignore the pain.

"How did you do that?" she demanded. "Tanissa! You helped him!"

"No, I didn't! I swear!" But Tanissa was running toward the door. She knew she'd be blamed.

Callie grabbed the big butcher knife Win had seen her sharpening earlier and ran at him. He dodged to one side, and felt the tip of the knife slide across his biceps, leaving a trail of stinging fire.

Willing the pain into the back of his mind, he pulled power from Grandpa and created a wall.

She slammed into it, grunted, and collapsed into a heap.

His blood dripped onto her as he tied her up. He had her hands and feet well trussed when she came to her senses, screaming and cursing even before she was fully conscious. He ripped a strip off of a dirty towel, wadded it into a ball, and shoved it into her mouth. Her screams subsided into a choked-off moan, wordless but so filled with hatred and evil that he felt bruised all over again.

His clothes had been tossed into a corner near the cot. The shirt was cut to shreds. He put on the mud-encased jeans and stepped into his left shoe. The right shoe -

He looked down at his right foot, bruised and swollen into something that barely resembled its normal self. How could he ever fit that into a shoe?

Yet he had to. He had ground to cover, and he couldn't do it with a bare foot.

Like he could do it anyway! Just standing here was the limit of what he could tolerate. If Diana wasn't linked with him, he'd probably sit right down and cry.

[Isn't there magick you can do to numb the pain?] Diana asked.

Of course - how idiotic could he be? He used a small bit of magick to block the pain, and that made it so he could take a step without wanting to scream. [Much better. Thanks.]

[You're welcome. I felt the pain, too, you know.]

That startled him. [You can feel -] He wasn't sure which pain to mention - they all seemed too personal to share.

[All of them,] she answered, and he felt her embarrassment. [Some of them are kind of vague, but others... Well, I guess I see why your grandmother said mind-linking's considered intimate.]

She could feel how horny he was?

[I'm sorry, Win. I didn't mean to embarrass both of us like this.] More briskly, she asked, [Now that you're free, how will you get back to the Stronghold?]

[I guess I'll have to walk to the main road and try and hitch a ride. I don't think it's more than five or ten minutes' walk.]

But he had to put his right shoe on first. He hobbled to the table where Callie had sharpened the butcher knife earlier. Another good-sized knife lay there, and he used that to slit open the toe area of his athletic shoe. For good measure, he cut away part of the top of the shoe.

Oh, Goddess! Even with the pain block, slipping the shoe on hurt like hell!

He went outside - where it was pitch dark, of course. He thought the path they'd walked in on led pretty much right to the front door, so he walked around until he found an area that seemed harder-packed than the rest of it.

[I think I've found the path,] he told Diana, then remembered he could adjust his eyes magickally for improved night vision. What was wrong with him, anyway? Using magick for simple things like this was second nature to him - at least normally.

He adjusted his vision and looked where he thought the path was. [Right. This is definitely the path. There's a clearing where they parked a few minutes from here.]

The path was much easier going when he could see to avoid the frequent rocks and tree roots. He thought he was close to the clearing when he heard a motor - was he that close to the main road?

Headlights pierced the darkness and he recognized Shiva's van from the sound of the motor. Oh no! Could they have seen him in their lights?

He stepped off the path in search of some place to hide. He'd stay here, hopefully out of sight, until Shiva and the guys went past him on their way to the cabin. Then he'd run like hell to the van, start it with magick, and make his getaway.

But he'd better get a good ways off the path, just so no one spotted him. He went a little further, still watching the path -

He walked right into a damn Sitka spruce tree! YOWW! A million sharp needles, each one tipped with acid, went right into his unprotected and already-battered torso.

[Block the pain, Win,] Diana reminded him.

Ah. That was better.

He turned his attention to the van. It had stopped and the headlights were off, but it was still running. He listened carefully and heard Shiva say, "You stay here. I'll send this one back if I need you."

One of the beefy men from earlier said, "Yes, Master."

Damn! What was he going to do now?

He'd have to skirt the clearing so the guy in the van couldn't see him. They'd all be looking for him within minutes, but it was dark out. Shiva might be able to see in the dark, but he wouldn't have the power to give the same ability to the others.

At least Win hoped not.

He wished he'd practiced transporting...

[What's that?]

This was weird. He'd mind-linked before, but it hadn't ever been quite this - well, close. [It's a technique to move across distances instantly. I know about it, but I've never done it.]

[Could your grandfather help?]

[Yeah. But I need more help than he can pass through you.] He started toward the edge of the clearing - better cover as much ground as possible.

[Would it help if he mind-linked with me?]

He stopped dead. [You'd do that?]

[If it would help. Would it?]

[Well, sure. But...] He couldn't complete the thought, his brain was so full of hope. To get back to the Stronghold in minutes...

She didn't answer him, but he heard him say, "Ogma, Win needs your help in transporting back here. Will you mind-link with us?"

"Of course. Tell me when you're ready."

"Anytime."

Win felt her fear, but also her determination. [I can't possibly thank you enough for this, Diana.]

**

Dee didn't answer Win. She was too busy bracing for Ogma to mind-link with her. Within seconds, she realized that Win and his grandfather were already talking. When had Ogma joined the mind-link?

She listened, but their conversation was rapid and full of unfamiliar words. Sooner than she thought possible, Ogma said, [Thank you, Diana. I will leave the link now, but my power remains available as needed.] And he was gone.

Win said, [Diana, I'm going to use what you see to anchor my transport. Please don't move your head or close your eyes.]

[Okay, I won't.] She wanted to ask what he was going to do, but didn't want to waste time.

She felt him pull power through her much more clearly than earlier. Before, the sensation of heat had been the main thing she noticed. Now there was also the intimate pull of him calling to her, asking something of her, and an answering release from deep inside.

And then, he appeared two feet in front of her - battered, but very definitely alive.

**

He'd done it! He'd transported back to the Stronghold.

No, he hadn't done it. They had done it together - he and Diana. And it was only thanks to the power coming through their link that he was able to remain standing. He felt himself swaying, but the couch was much too far - he'd fall on his face if he tried to reach it.

"Win, you're here!" Grandma exclaimed, her arms squeezing him tight - much too tight.

[She's hurting you!] Diana said, and his pain looked back at him from her eyes.

[It's okay for now - but help me get out of here. I need to have Su Heal me.]

[But your grandmother - Oh. You don't want her to see what they did to you.] "Aradia, Win's too polite to tell you, but he's about ready to collapse. I'll take him to his room, if you don't mind."

Grandma stepped back immediately. "Oh, of course. I -"

"He'll need food right away," Grandpa told Diana.

"I'll make sure he eats," she replied.

He met Grandpa's eyes. "Guardian, I thank you."

"I stand ready to assist all who require my aid," Grandpa responded formally, then smiled. "I was happy to do it, and I'm pleased that you and Diana are no longer fighting Goddess's plan for you."

What did he mean?

[He's talking about us supposedly being lifemates, Win. Don't worry, I know we're not.] With that, Diana closed their mind-link, leaving him suddenly wobbly on his feet. She slipped her arm around his waist and took most of his weight as they walked to the elevator.

[Diana? You closed the link.]

[It was too tiring. I'm not used to having other people inside my head.]

He didn't entirely believe her.

**

Dee hadn't realized how badly Win needed the power he'd been pulling until she closed the link and he nearly fell down. Holding him up and helping him walk wasn't the same - but she had no choice. She couldn't let him inside her head right now.

"Can you make it into your room?" she asked, as the elevator arrived at his floor. "I'll help you, then go find Su."

He nodded. Still, she could tell he was nearly at his limit, so she took even more of his weight. It would be nice to be able to call on magick right now! Finally, they made it all the way into his room, and he collapsed onto the bed. "I need food, too - anything will do."

"Sure," she said, but she'd find Su first. He was in bad shape.

Luckily, Su stepped off the elevator right then. "Dee! Grandma said you brought Win back!"

She nodded. "But he's been hurt badly, and he wants you to Heal him."

Su nodded. "I know. Grandma told me. I'll only call her if I have to. Tell him I'm getting my kit and will be there in a minute." She headed toward her own room.

Dee had to smile. Aradia was no fool. She'd known why Win was so desperate to get away from his grandparents, and she'd respected his desires even though it was undoubtedly very difficult for her.

She checked the refrigerator and was pleased to find leftover pizza. She zapped a slice in the microwave, then took it and a napkin into Win's room. "Here's a piece of leftover pizza, Win. Will that hold you until -" She made the mistake of looking at the bed.

Where Win lay, completely naked.

**

Win had struggled out of his jeans and shoes after Diana left, knowing that modesty had no place in front of a Healer. But Diana was the one to see him, instead.

He ought to be embarrassed, to grab for a shirt - or something - to cover himself with. They hardly knew each other!

Except that wasn't true. He'd mind-linked with other people during training - Grandma and Grandpa primarily, but also with a couple of visiting Mages. And while they'd established good strong links, the links had felt very different from the one with Diana tonight.

Their link had been deeper, and their minds had meshed easily. It had felt completely natural, as though it was the only reasonable way to spend the rest of his life.

Suddenly, he knew that meant he and Diana were lifemates. Su had been right, after all.

So he stayed right where he was. Diana was welcome to see his body - even battered and bruised, as it was right now.

Except she didn't seem to agree. Her eyes were shut, and it looked like she'd run away if she dared.

The words she'd said just before closing their link came to mind. "He's talking about us supposedly being lifemates. Don't worry, I know we're not."

What did that mean? They weren't supposedly anything! They were lifemates! How could she say they weren't?

"Diana, don't be embarrassed," he told her. "You're my lifemate, and you belong here with me."

She thrust the pizza at him and ran.

**

Dee had always been a clumsy klutz - no wonder she ran into Su on the way out of Win's room. She made Su drop the things she was carrying - her kit, apparently - so she bent down and helped her pick everything up.

She was going to make her getaway then, but Su stopped her. "I'm glad you're here. Healers usually work in pairs, but Win doesn't want Grandma here, and I'm the only other full Healer in the Stronghold."

"But I don't know anything about Healing." She couldn't tell Su her real objection - that Win was now claiming they were lifemates and that she didn't dare be with him until he regained his sanity.

"That's okay," Su said. "You're his lifemate, and that's even better in some ways. I'll tell you everything you need to do."

"I'm not Win's lifemate!"

Su looked at her like she was crazy. "Of course you are. You mind-linked with him tonight."

"So what? I mind-linked with Aradia, too - and Ogma!"

"That's different," Su said impatiently. "You were touching when you did it with them. Anyway, everyone has known you were lifemates ever since yesterday morning."

"That's another thing! Why didn't any of you tell me?" But that question made it sound like she was conceding the lifemate issue, so she added, "Not that I would have believed you, but it would have been polite."

Win said, "They were waiting for me to figure it out - I'm sorry it took me so long." His voice was weak and laced with pain.

She spun around, remembering too late that he was naked. She resolutely kept her eyes on his face. "We're not lifemates, Win. When you're not in so much pain, we'll talk it over and you'll agree with me."

Su said, "Well, he's not going to feel any better until after he's Healed, and unless you agree to help, I don't know when that will be."

"Your grandmother would help."

"I don't want Grandma to see me like this!" Despite his pain and exhaustion, it was clear that Win was serious.

"You could get one of the Apprentices to help."

"Like Carla?" Su asked. "She'd be glad to help, I'm sure - not that she can do anything useful."

The idea of Carla here with a naked Win was too much - Dee just knew she'd turn it into a seduction method. "Oh, all right! Where do I start?"

Su's smile was shadowed with worry. "Well, first, we'll find out what we're dealing with." She approached the bed. "You're pretty much of a mess, big brother. Tell me what's what."

The last of the slice of pizza was in his mouth, so it took a few seconds before he could speak. "Broken toe. Bruises everywhere. Both shoulders are real bad - not dislocated, but close. You can see all the cuts and burns - the worst are this place on my thigh -"

He pointed at a long burn that crossed the top of his thigh only inches below his genitals. [Callie was doing that when you mind-spoke to me the second time.]

Dee sank onto the edge of the bed, not sure she could deal with that detail.

Win gestured at the area just below his waist and above his -

This was really awkward. Su was a Healer, and probably used to dealing with the human body. But Dee wasn't - in the more than a year that she and Barry had been married, the only time his - well, his penis - had been on display was right before, during, and after sex. And he'd never been as casual about it as Win was!

Win said, "This is the other bad area. Callie made these cuts all close together like this, and then she had Tanissa lick them until they're like raw meat."

Dee caught an image of Tanissa licking the cuts - and then another one - Tanissa performing oral sex on Win. Why would -

Now, along with the visual image, she caught his shame at performing for Tanissa and Callie like a circus animal - hurt him, he screams; stimulate him sexually, he gets aroused.

[Win, don't be ashamed. You couldn't help it.]

He stared at her, horrified. [You heard that? I wasn't mind-speaking... or at least, I didn't mean to.]

[Don't worry about it,] she told him. [The part that bothers me is that anyone would treat someone else like they treated you.]

Su said, "Are you two done mind-speaking? I'd like to get this Healing on the road."

Dee felt herself blush. "I'm sorry, Su. It was my fault."

"No, it was mine," Win said. "I was thinking too loud."

Su sighed. "Okay, whatever. Now, I can deal with everything you've shown me so far. What are you keeping quiet about?"

Win looked at her incredulously. "Come on, Su! Isn't this enough?"

"More than enough," she answered, her voice completely serious. "But we're taught that Mages like to think they can Heal themselves - and that they sometimes 'forget' to tell us about injuries to so-called unmentionable parts of their bodies."

Win shook his head. "Nothing like that."

"Well then, what about that?" She pointed at his penis. "I can tell from over here that it's sore and inflamed."

Dee remembered how sore his penis had been when they were mind-linked, and it was obvious why. The skin was red and abraded - she didn't see any cuts, but that didn't mean there weren't any.

It was partially erect, and she remembered the arousal part of the feeling, too. Had Aradia realized how incredibly personal mind-linking was for people who were close to strangers? But maybe Win had been supposed to screen those thoughts and sensations from Dee, and hadn't been able to because of his pain and exhaustion.

"Come on, Su - gimme a break!" he muttered, his eyes focused on the folded-back blanket as though wishing he could hide under it.

"Oh, all right," she sighed. "How about if we do this - I'll leave you a jar of Healing cream when I go. You give that a try. But if it's not all cleared up by tomorrow, you're going to have to let me take a look."

He nodded. "But it'll be fine - I'm sure."

Su said, "Okay, we'll get started then. Dee, what I need is for you to be the Soother. I have to concentrate on Healing without worrying about Win being comfortable and staying put."

"How do I do that? I can't do magick." And if Su meant she had to hold Win down, that was even less likely to work.

"Soothing's not magick. It's a special deep kind of mind-speaking, where instead of sending thoughts, you soothe."

Win said, "It's actually a special-purpose type of mind-linking."

Su stared at Win, outraged. "It is? Then why didn't Grandma tell me that? When she was explaining mind- linking to Dee, she acted like she wished I wasn't even in the room!"

"She and Grandpa are both old-fashioned, Su. You know that. And mind-linking is -" Win looked at Dee and suddenly seemed embarrassed. "Well, as far as I can tell, mind-linking's a big part of lovemaking between lifemates. They do the physical stuff, too, of course, but -" He stopped, and Dee could swear he was blushing.

He swallowed and looked at a point in space somewhere between Su and Dee. "Maybe if you'd been training with someone other than Grandma, you'd have heard about mind-linking before now, but..."

Su nodded. "Yeah, I suppose she thinks I'm a virgin and therefore easily embarrassed."

Well, apparently Su was neither, because she was the only one of the three of them who seemed even halfway at-ease with this conversation.

Dee decided a change in subject was definitely called for. "So, tell me more about this Soothing. Apparently Win and I have to be mind-linked, but you say I soothe him and I don't know what that means."

Su frowned. "Well, you kind of search out troubled or painful areas in his mind and -" She made a face, clearly not sure how to describe it.

"Let me try," Win said, slipping his hand into Dee's. "You're basically being human anesthesia - you don't want to knock me out, but you want all the pain to go away and for me, in effect, to not be aware of what's happening to my body."

That sounded ominous. "Why? What's Su going to do to you?"

"Heal me. But my mental defenses need to stay down to make the Healing most effective, and that's tough for me to control when I'm injured. Plus, some things she does will probably hurt - and I also have to remove the pain- blocks I put on earlier."

She'd assumed that everything would be fine once Win got back to the Stronghold. Apparently not. "Shouldn't you be in the hospital somewhere? They'd knock you out..."

Su shook her head. "Modern medicine is really very primitive in comparison to Healing, Dee. The drugs they'd give Win aren't good for Mages, and they'd just treat his injuries. I'll Heal them, and Win will be like new."

"I'll need more food and some sleep before I'm that good," Win replied. He turned back to Dee. "Diana, it's not really that complicated - not now that we've mind-linked. Just link with me and I'll put myself in mental stasis - kind of halfway asleep. Then whenever you sense something bad happening in my mind, just visualize making it better."

That sounded fairly doable, although she wasn't crazy about mind-linking with him again. What if he snooped and found out how she felt about him? But his needs were more important and urgent than preserving her pride. She had to do it.

"It's really that simple? Because I don't want to have Su get started and then find out I can't do it."

He cringed, then smiled ruefully. "Believe me, I don't want that to happen, either. We could try it and see if it works."

"That would be good."

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded. Almost instantaneously, she felt him inside her head, but his bright colors were quite muted now. [You're really weak. I didn't realize.]

[That's okay.] Out loud, he said, "Su, when I drop my finger, that means I'm effectively out. Do something painful but quick, then wait like ten seconds and tell me to wake up. Can you do that?"

"Sure."

Then it was like Win turned down the dimmer switch on himself, practically all the way off. His colors were barely there, and she didn't feel him thinking anymore. But she could sense more about his brain and body now than earlier. There was pain everywhere, not just in the few distinct locations where she'd felt it before.

She thought about visualizing making all the pain better, but then Win lowered his finger and she saw Su flick her fingernail at the long burn on his thigh. Dee sensed those nerve endings leap into overdrive and quickly visualized making it better - immersing the burn in a cool numbing liquid.

"Win, wake up," Su said, command in her voice.

And then his colors were back - still muted from weakness - and he started thinking again.

"I'm guessing you must have done something to my thigh, but I didn't feel anything. And Diana, the Soothing you did was great - it's still numb." [See, I told you it wasn't that complicated,] he said to Dee privately, and behind his words was the feeling that he hadn't expected it to work so well.

"So you understand about Soothing now?" Su asked her.

Dee nodded. "Yeah. Once Win did that stasis thing, it was clear where the pain was. Do we do this for real now?"

"Yeah. Come help me set out my supplies first - and Win, you can go back into stasis. It'll help preserve what little strength you have left."

"Okay," Win answered. Privately, he said, [Thanks for doing this, Diana. It'll be much better with you Soothing me than with either Su or Grandma.]

He was in stasis before she could respond. She was glad - she didn't know what to say.

She moved over to join Su at the foldable table that was part of her kit. "What can I do?"

"Nothing right now," Su said quietly. "I just wanted to talk with you out of his hearing."

"But we're still mind-linked!"

"That's okay. He's in stasis - he's only listening for commands directed at him. And what I want to explain's no big secret, either - his training must have included a lot more about how Healers work than what my training included about how Mages work." She pressed her lips together, obviously annoyed.

"You can really Heal everything that's wrong with him?" Dee asked. "I know magick takes a lot of energy, and you're so small!"

Su smiled. "Healing magick's more a matter of persuading the body to Heal itself, so it doesn't take too much out of me. It uses some of his energy, but dealing with pain saps strength very quickly, so Healing's a net improvement for him."

"But what I wanted to explain," she continued, "is that you should watch what I'm doing as much of the time as possible. That way, when you know I'm starting to work on an area, you can soothe it before his nerve endings start to respond. And really, it's more important to keep him calm than to deal completely with the pain, so if you need to choose, soothe his anxiety first."

"You're scaring me," Dee said. "Is this really something a novice should be doing?"

"You're not just any novice, Dee! And you're his lifemate and he trusts you."

Before Dee could object, Su said, "I know this still seems strange to you, but it's true. And yes, he's been injured a lot worse than either of us would wish for, but he's not critical, and he's still got mental control. If I absolutely had to, I could Heal him by myself, and he could stay in stasis without any help. You helping will just make it a lot more pleasant for both of us."

Dee nodded. "All right. You've persuaded me. Is it okay if I soothe him generally as well as the specific place you're working on?"

"Sure, if you have enough energy for that," Su said. "But wait on that until after I've had him take off the pain blocks - and until you're sure you have that much energy. Now, are you ready?"

"Whenever you are." Dee went back and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Win, remove any magickal pain-blocks you've put on yourself," Su ordered him.

In her mind, Dee felt Win pull off the equivalent of bandages from several places. A little pressure, some surface pain, and then the real pain raced in. Dee quickly soothed those spots into a more normal state.

Su worked on his broken toe first. Her Healing seemed to produce warmth but little discomfort until near the end, when she began to bend and flex the toe. Dee flooded his foot with soothing, and the pain went away.

The burns on his thighs were next, then the multitude of cuts and burns on his torso and arms. None of those required much soothing, but when Su got to his shoulders, Dee had a major challenge. They required considerable manipulation to Heal, and any movement at all caused him pain.

Dee poured on the soothing, but as soon as Su moved his shoulder again, the pain came back. "This isn't working," she told Su. "You'll have to stop."

Su shook her head. "I've got to do this, Dee - tonight. It would have been better if I could have treated these hours ago - before his muscles locked in place. I know you can't really make all the pain go away, but you can work on his anxiety. That'll help a lot."

Work on his anxiety? What about her own? Being in Win's mind, knowing how he was being hurt - it made her insides crawl.

But thinking like that wasn't going to get Win Healed. She looked again in his mind, and in addition to the pain, she saw fear. Fear that he couldn't take the pain - fear that the pain would never stop - fear that a real Mage wouldn't be afraid!

[Win, it's okay. I know it hurts, but Su has to do this. She's a good Healer, she'll fix you just as fast as she can.]

A little of the fear subsided, but not enough to make him calm. [Of course you're scared, Win - what you went through today was terrible, and I only know a small part of it.]

An image appeared in his mind of himself as a child, with a man who must be his father. Win was in bed, crying, and sobbing something about being scared. His father said, "Winston, men don't cry and men don't get scared. You keep asking to go to the Stronghold to train this summer. Let me tell you, if this happened there, you'd be the laughing stock of the whole place!"

[Don't believe that, Win! Of course men cry and get scared! And you went through some truly terrible things today - of course you were scared! And I know it's still scary because it hurts so much. But it's almost over, and if you relax and let Su Heal you, you'll feel a whole lot better in the morning.]

That helped. She felt him relax a little, and it felt like he was cuddling around the place in his mind where she was. His hand was still open on the bed, and that gave her an idea.

[Win, I'm going to hold your hand until Su finishes with this shoulder, then I'll hold your other hand. I don't know if you'll be able to feel it, but I'm putting it there right now.] She slipped her hand into his, then closed his fingers around hers.

He squeezed her hand, and his mind calmed completely.

His mind stayed calm when Dee let go of his hand and moved to the other side of the bed to take the other hand. And even during the worst of the Healing on the other shoulder, he never showed any sign of discomfort.

Then Su was done, and she told him, "Win, I'm through Healing you now, and you're going to be fine. Stay in stasis and get a good night's rest."

Dee tried to remove her hand from Win's then, but he only clutched it tighter.

Su said, "I'll order him to let go."

Dee shook her head. "Don't do that. I'll ask him." [Win, Su's done Healing you now. May I have my hand back?]

He let go reluctantly, then mind-spoke to her. [Will you stay linked with me? I don't want to be alone.] His voice was that of a young, scared, exhausted boy.

[Of course.]

It was important to not be alone sometimes.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Win woke out of stasis feeling refreshed and healthy. He knew it was early morning even before he looked at the clock - somewhat surprising since his room didn't have one of the Stronghold's few windows.

He'd never stayed in mental stasis for more than a few hours before, and he'd thought he might be a little disoriented at first. That wasn't the case at all.

Diana was still linked with him, and he felt her sleeping only a few levels away. He started to his feet, wanting to be with her physically, too, but he restrained himself. She needed her rest just as much as he had.

[Diana, darling, I'm going to close our link now. Thank you for staying with me all night, and sleep well. I'll come to see you just as soon as I can.] He closed the link reluctantly.

He needed food, and plenty of it. He slipped into a robe and padded into the kitchen. What a break - there was more pizza!

He stuffed most of a slice in his mouth and rooted through the fridge. Not much here, but the students' dining hall would be open in a few minutes. He'd eat the rest of the pizza, then shower and get dressed.

Su had left a jar of the Healing cream, so he slathered that on both before and after his shower. He'd been kind of afraid Su would decide to Heal his private parts anyway, and he was relieved to find she hadn't. The idea of his sister and his not-yet-bonded lifemate fooling around with his cock and balls while he was basically unconscious gave him the heebie-jeebies.

He hated that Diana's first exposure to his body included such incredibly personal stuff, too. How much had she seen in his mind of what Tanissa did to him? Did she understand how humiliating it had been to be unable to control himself?

A few of the Apprentice Mages were in the dining hall when he got there. They swarmed him like he was a conquering hero instead of someone who'd blundered into a bad situation and gotten out through sheer luck.

In between bowls of oatmeal - not his favorite, but hey, it was food - he tried to set the record straight, but the boys thought he was being modest. He finally remembered his own awe of practicing Mages during his Apprentice years, gave up, and made his exploits into a tale he knew would be repeated ad-infinitum over the next weeks. He was careful, though, to make it clear that he'd survived primarily because he was lucky.

He knocked on Grandpa's office door at seven-thirty sharp - just as he'd done yesterday, although it seemed a lifetime ago.

The door opened immediately. Grandpa looked up and smiled when he entered. "Good morning, Win. I must say you look much better than when I saw you last night."

"I'm completely healthy, Guardian," he answered, not wanting to admit how far from healthy he'd been last night.

Grandpa's smile grew wider. "I can see that. Your sister is a fine Healer, is she not?" He laughed. "You're surprised. Your physical state was perfectly obvious to anyone with eyes."

"But - Grandma must think -" This was awful! He'd just gotten back on good terms with them, and now...

"Your grandmother thinks that you chose the Healer you wished to Heal you. There is no shame in that, and Sulis's excellent skills are a reflection on the training she received from your grandmother. Go see her after we finish, though. I'm sure she won't believe you're all right until she's seen you with her two eyes."

Maybe this was what it was like to be a practicing Mage. He was expected to make choices for himself, and was treated as an adult in return.

"And both of us are pleased that you've found your lifemate," Grandpa added.

"Diana is wonderful, Guardian -"

Grandpa chuckled. "I'm glad you think so, Win - Goddess made the two of you for each other, and it's important you feel that way. But remember, you shouldn't address me as 'Guardian' anymore. That form of address implies that you are under my protection, and you are not. You are a practicing Mage - Goddess is your only protector, as She is mine."

Win guessed that's what Grandpa had said yesterday, but he'd been so overwhelmed with the rest of the conversation that he hadn't fully processed this part. "But I'm still training with you!"

"Certainly. But that is at your request, and basically at your direction. You are my colleague now, not my subject. If you were any other Mage, I would suggest calling me Ogma." He smiled again. "But I think you and I would both be more comfortable with Grandpa."

"Oh. Okay." It took him a minute to remember the words he'd carefully planned out as he showered. "I came for training this morning, G - I mean, Grandpa. My experience yesterday showed me that I am lacking in certain areas, and I wish to improve myself."

Grandpa nodded. "Always a fine goal. Let's get comfortable and you can explain how I can help you." He led the way to where they'd sat yesterday.

Win started with the easy part. "I wish to learn more fighting techniques - both magickal and physical."

"That's wise," Grandpa said. "There are some textbooks in the library on both, but you'll also need to practice what you learn. You and I can work on the magickal ones, but at my age, I'd be a poor opponent in anything physical!"

Win stared at Grandpa in surprise. He was a strong and vigorous man.

Grandpa shook his head. "You're looking at me as a grandson looks at his beloved grandfather. Yes, I am strong and still powerful, but I'm also fifty years your senior."

"You need someone younger -" he continued. "Someone still in their prime, and wily with experience. Since you now know how to transport, location needn't be a limiting factor. I'll mention your request to the Council and see who they suggest, and I'll email you a suggested reading list later today. Anything else you need help with?"

Win's mouth went dry. "Um, yes. I - I don't know how much you know about what they did to me -"

Grandpa shook his head. "Very little. And in case your concern has anything to do with what some might interpret as a lack of bravery under torture, rest assured that the details will remain private between you and Goddess. The reality of the job you've chosen to do is that you are likely to be tortured upon occasion. That is one of the reasons why Mages typically work alone - so that they cannot be forced to give away tactical details that might endanger others."

How could Grandpa speak so calmly about being tortured? "Have you..." Did he dare finish the question? Grandpa might think it was impertinent.

Grandpa nodded. "Yes, more times than I care to recall. In fact, I would appreciate it if you didn't remind your grandmother about that when you see her."

"I won't mention it," Win promised. "But actually, what I need training in is self-control."

Grandpa sat there, apparently waiting for more. Didn't he remember? They'd discussed this subject a hundred times!

"I - uh - well, Tanissa was one of the people Shiva had torturing me. Her and Callie. And they were naked, and so was I, and I -" He couldn't talk to Grandpa about this!

Grandpa smiled, but not like he was laughing at Win. "I may be fifty years older than you, but I think I can fill in the blank there. And there's no shame in reacting to a woman's body, especially not at your age."

"But you used to lecture me all the time about letting Tanissa distract me from my duties!"

"True." Grandpa nodded. "But there's a difference between a perfectly natural reaction to an attractive female and acting on that reaction. To use a crude but apt phrase, in the past you too often let Tanissa lead you around by the cock."

Win was speechless.

Grandpa continued, "You earned each one of those lectures and Vigils for dereliction of duty, I assure you. You were late for training, distracted during training, and unprepared for training any number of times - because of her influence on you. A Mage planning his next conquest - or reveling in the memory of his last one - is worth less than a willing Apprentice. That is why you were disciplined - not because your grandmother and I disapproved of your bedmate."

Win had to admit the truth of what Grandpa was saying. It had often seemed like Tanissa made a game out of making him late for training in the morning - and then leaving him with a hint about what they'd do that evening. His mind would drift back to her words, time and again all day - always with disastrous effect to whatever exercise he was doing.

"I see that you're right, Grandpa, and I apologize for behaving that way. I - I didn't understand before."

"Apology accepted, Win. If it makes you feel any better, you're far from the first young Apprentice or Mage to make that mistake."

The reassurance helped a little, but not enough. And none of this dealt with the self-control issue he'd intended to discuss.

But before he could return to that, Grandpa nodded in his discussion-over manner and said, "Now, I don't wish to keep you. You and Diana have much to discuss in preparation for your bonding ceremony. I was initially a bit concerned about her, but Goddess, as always, knows best what each of us needs in a lifemate. You and Diana will be very good for each other, and you will serve Goddess well together."

Win remembered all too clearly Diana's retreat last night when he called her his lifemate.

They had a lot more than their bonding ceremony to discuss!

**

Mr. Bill was still next to Dee when she woke up. He was in one of his favorite places to sleep - also one of hers, she had to admit - snuggled between her arm and her body, his head and paws on her stomach.

She immediately noticed that Win was no longer linked with her. That was a relief, and she had a vague memory of him telling her to sleep well, which she had.

He'd also said he'd come to see her as soon as possible, she remembered with a start. She had better get showered and dressed - the discussion they needed to have about being lifemates was not something to do in her nightgown.

It turned out that she had about five more minutes to get ready than she actually needed. That let her comb Mr. Bill, an activity they both enjoyed.

She jumped when someone knocked, and Mr. Bill scrambled out of her lap and under the bed. She took a couple of deep breaths and opened the door. "Hi, Win. Come on in."

"Hi." He stopped a couple of steps into the room and licked his lips. "Um, I see somebody brought the cat tree down."

She nodded. "I guess it must have been Su, but I'm not sure."

"Oh. You're probably glad to have your cat here."

"Yes, and Mr. Bill's glad to be here with me." The conversation was awkward, but maybe that was a sign that Win realized they weren't lifemates and didn't belong together.

"Is this a good time to talk?"

"Sure. Come and sit down." She sat in a chair, wanting to make it clear that she didn't expect him to sit next to her. Sitting on his bed last night and holding his hand had been a one-time deal.

He perched on the edge of the loveseat, way too close for comfort. At first, it seemed like he didn't know what to say, but then he blurted out, "Why did you say we're not lifemates?"

"Because we're not. We're very different people, and I don't even know if I believe that Goddess exists." She had worked out more to say, but she couldn't quite remember what it was.

He shook his head. "Goddess exists, Diana. And She has plans for me. I know now that you are part of those plans."

Well! If she'd been hoping for a declaration of love, she'd have been disappointed. "That's all very nice for you, I'm sure. But I've already done the wife-to- the-up-and-coming-young-whatever routine, and while it certainly has advantages for the man involved, it's distinctly lacking in advantages for the woman."

His mouth fell open in shock. The man was a Mage, for heavens sakes! Shouldn't that mean he had a reasonable amount of intelligence and knowledge of people? Dee didn't know a lot about the Balance, but if Win Sayre was the brightest star it had to offer, she didn't wonder that evil men like Shiva were on the loose.

"Diana, being lifemates isn't like getting married!"

"Of course it is! It's called a different name, but it's still a man and a woman hooked up together -"

"But it's different, Diana! We're not just two random people - Goddess made us for each other!"

She shook her head. "I know the story, Win. But considering that I have my doubts about Goddess -"

"Why do you doubt Goddess?" he asked, more gently than any man had ever spoken to her. "Just four days ago, you didn't believe that I'm a Mage and can do magick - but now you admit you were wrong about that. If that part's true, why not believe in all of it?"

It was time for honesty. "Because if Goddess exists - if any supreme being exists - I hate him or her for what they've done to me my whole life!"

Honesty brought with it tears, and she ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

She wished Mr. Bill was in here with her. He was the one good part of her life.

**

Win hated women's tears. They always caught him unprepared. Plus, Tanissa had often used them as a weapon to manipulate him.

But it wasn't Tanissa crying in the bathroom. It was Diana, and she was his lifemate.

[Please come out and explain why you're so upset, Diana.]

"Don't mind-speak!" she called through the door. "Just g - go away and leave me alone - if you wo - won't do that, then j - just talk!" Her sobs made some of her words hard to understand.

"Mind-speaking's better!"

"Mind-speaking's what caused this mess!"

"Mind-speaking and mind-linking saved my life, Diana. Do you wish I was dead instead of here talking to you?" He hoped desperately he wouldn't be sorry he'd asked that question.

"No, of course not." She sniffled. It didn't sound like she was crying anymore.

He hoped that was a good sign. "Then please come out. We have to talk about this, and I'd rather not decide both of our futures with a locked door between us."

She sniffled another couple of times, then said, "In a minute." She turned the water on.

He made them both cups of Grandma's Healing tea - they could use any help it could provide. He sat in the chair opposite Diana's, knowing she wasn't ready for any type of closeness with him. Yet.

He was determined to change that.

**

Why did Win have to ask that question? Dee couldn't lie and say she wished he was dead. To the contrary, being able to help save him yesterday had made her whole miserable life worth living.

She washed her face and hands and thought about how to explain. Then she unlocked the door and went to sit in her chair - good, he was a little farther away now, in the other chair instead of on the loveseat.

He handed her a mug of tea, steamy and fragrant with Aradia's blend of ingredients. "We don't have to talk right now. We can drink our tea first," he said. "Grandma says her tea helps people understand each other better, and I think we need that. I really didn't mean to upset you."

Why did he have to be so sweet, so caring? "Win, I know that Goddess and lifemates are concepts that you've lived your whole life with, and that they seem perfectly natural to you."

He shook his head. "I haven't lived my whole life with them. My parents don't believe in them, and Su and I spent every Sunday morning while growing up in a Lutheran church. We visited Grandma and Grandpa some, but always with Mom and Dad, and they tried to not have us exposed to the Balance at all."

"Then how did you get involved?"

Win grinned. "Grandpa. He'd do magick tricks for us - while Grandma kept Mom and Dad busy. I'd try to copy him, and once in a while, I could actually make something happen. Not much, but it was still a real thrill."

"So you've been able to do magick your whole life?"

He nodded. "As long as I can remember, at least, and Mom admits now that weird things happened a few times when I was still in my crib. Toys in my crib that she hadn't put there, and stuff like that. Dad told her she was imagining things - that if his parents were accountants, she wouldn't think like that."

Dee laughed. "Your grandparents wouldn't be accountants, no matter what!"

"You're right. Anyway, the year I turned nine, Grandpa told me that if I wanted to learn to do magick, I should get my parents to let me spend the summer at the Stronghold." He laughed and shook his head.

"I must have driven Mom and Dad insane pleading with them after that! They lasted all school year long, and I was sure they weren't going to let me go. But finally, the night before school let out, Dad came in my room and shut the door."

Another head shake. "I figured I was in big trouble, but instead Dad said, 'Winston, your mother and I have discussed the matter thoroughly, and we've come to the conclusion that you won't outgrow this obsession of yours with magick until you have a chance to live the life you think you want. You know my views on the subject, so we won't go over them again. Suffice it to say that being an Apprentice is not a glamorous life. You will work harder than you have ever worked - and if you think I'm demanding, wait until your grandfather gets a hold of you.'"

Win grinned again. "He was right - Apprentices work hard, and most of it doesn't seem to have anything to do with magick. But I loved everything - even the stuff the other Apprentices hated - and there was never any chance I'd change my mind. I suspect Dad knew that, even then - that's probably why he fought it so much initially."

Dee had been enjoying Win's story, and now she wanted to ask questions. What had Apprentice training been like? Had his grandparents treated him specially, or was he just one of the Apprentices? What about this vastly different life had been hardest for him to learn, or to accept?

But she couldn't indulge herself that way. If she did, he would naturally assume that she was willing to take her place at his side as his lifemate.

And as much as that was where she wanted to spend her life, she couldn't do it.

**

Win was amazed at how comfortable their conversation had become. Grandma's tea was wonderful - he'd have to give her an extra hug the next time he saw her.

But then Diana frowned. "That's a lovely story, Win. I hope you know how lucky you are to have such a caring family."

"I am lucky, Diana. Even more so now that I've found you. I always wondered what my lifemate would be like - I tried to See you, but I couldn't." He wanted to add how thrilled he was that she had such a strong gift of Sight, but that didn't seem like a good idea.

She shook her head. "Win, we're not lifemates. We happen to be able to mind-speak with each other, but I'm sure there's another explanation. I know you and Su used to mind-speak - perhaps it's just something we're both particularly good at."

Why didn't she understand? "Su and I mind-spoke because we're siblings - and because we needed each other. We both have magickal ability, and we were living in a world that didn't accept that. But you and I aren't related, and we're adults. Being able to mind-speak means that we're lifemates. It's how Goddess enables us to recognize each other."

"But you didn't believe it at first! You told Su that we could mind-speak only because Goddess made it happen - because you needed me to come down to the Ritual Ground."

Su should learn to keep her big fat mouth shut! And because she'd never even tried to learn, he had to try to explain something that didn't make sense, even to him. He sighed. "Okay, I admit I said that. But that was because - because -"

Diana looked him straight in the eye. "Because you didn't want it to be true."

"What? How can you say I didn't want to find my lifemate? It's - I've wanted that ever since I started to understand how Grandma and Grandpa really feel about each other!"

She shook her head impatiently. "I'm not saying you don't want to find your lifemate in general. You do. But you don't want me to be your lifemate."

"You are my lifemate!" he protested automatically, then realized she must have a point that he wasn't getting. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm pointing out the obvious, Win. No guy - whether or not he looks like you - wants to spend his life with a tub of lard like me."

"A tub of lard?" Oh, Goddess. He knew that women were sensitive about their weight, but... "You're not a tub of lard, Diana. You're a beautiful woman."

She scowled and waved his words away. "Don't lie to me, Win Sayre! Don't say what you think I want to hear - I know better! I know why Barry married me, and I know why you're so excited about finding your lifemate - and neither has the slightest bit to do with me!"

That ticked him off. She was lumping him in some stupid category with a guy who'd obviously been a huge jerk. "If you're so smart and know all these things, why don't you tell me? Why did a rich guy like Barry Mickelson marry you - and why am I sitting here trying to get you to admit that we're lifemates?"

She glared at him. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you. Barry married me because his great-grandfather left him a trust fund he could get when he hit twenty-five - provided he was married. And he didn't want to have to bother pleasing his wife or doing the niceties like coming home at night without smelling like he'd been at a whorehouse. And he didn't want anyone to question him when he spent money like a drunken sailor and went away virtually every weekend with his father - to one of the many little 'cabins' or 'cottages' where they entertained their floozies."

She paused for a few seconds, but he could only stare at her, horrified.

"You might wonder why I married him - well, I married him because I was stupid. I didn't have a clue that he didn't care about me - in fact, I thought he did because he didn't pressure me to have sex with him - like he did all the other girls in the office."

She pressed her lips together and tears glinted in her eyes. "But the fact of the matter is that I probably would have married him, even if I'd known that. I was so desperate for any kind of love that the little he offered at the beginning seemed like the fulfillment of all my fantasies."

Light dawned, and Win knelt next to her chair and took her hand in his. "You're afraid I'll hurt you like Barry did. But I won't - I couldn't. Being lifemates means that you're the only one for me - and I'm the only one for you. No one can ever come between us."

She didn't take her hand back, so he dared to put his arm around her waist and pull her into a loose embrace. Oh, she felt so good there! So good he couldn't imagine ever letting her go...

But then she shoved him away, and she was crying. "You don't mean that. You just want me because I have Sight and you don't. It would help your career."

The accusation shocked him. How could she even think that? Finding his lifemate and bonding with her was his sacred duty as a follower of Goddess. It was much more important than serving Goddess as a Mage.

But the time for words was past. She'd only believe what she saw in his soul. [Diana, link with me. Look at my soul and see how wrong you are. See that we are made for each other - feel the way our minds call to each other. Feel how much I desire you - only you.]

[Get out of my head!]

POP!

A massive wave of dizziness hit him, and he tumbled to the floor.

**

"Win, are you all right?"

He rolled onto his back, blinked a few times, swallowed, and said, "I guess so. I - all of a sudden, I was real dizzy, but it's over now."

"Maybe you should stay there for a few minutes before you try to get up."

He smiled suggestively, but the smile turned into confusion. "Did you hear that?"

She shook her head. "I didn't hear anything."

A crease appeared in the middle of his forehead. "I tried to mind-speak just then, but it didn't go through."

"You said something to me?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I said - never mind. You wouldn't have liked my suggestion, anyway."

He sounded discouraged, and she immediately wanted to cheer him up. But that made no sense - she'd been trying to discourage him for the last half-hour or so. Instead, she asked, "How did you know your thought didn't go through?"

"It kind of echoed in my head, I guess you'd say. And I knew what that meant because it happened when Su and I stopped being able to mind-speak. Try saying something to me - see if it goes through."

"Okay." She was careful to form the intention of mind-speaking to Win and then push to make it happen, even though she hadn't needed to think about how to do it since the very beginning. [If we can't mind-speak anymore, then we aren't really lifemates.]

She knew it hadn't gone through even before she saw that he still was expecting her to say something. It didn't really echo like Win had said - it was more like water dripping from a leaky ceiling into a nearly-full dishpan. She'd always hated that sound.

"I can't mind-speak to you, either," she told him.

"That's awful! We have to go see Grandma and find out how to fix it!" He vaulted to his feet, heedless of the dizziness that had landed him on the floor only a minute ago.

"Oh no we won't, Win Sayers. I'd just as soon not mind speak with you. Maybe then you'll get over this crazy idea that we're lifemates."

He was astonished. "But we could mind-speak until just a minute ago!"

She couldn't let him feel quite as alone and miserable as he obviously did. She put her hand on his arm and smiled at him. "You thought that Goddess let us mind- speak day before yesterday just because it was needed. Well, it was needed yesterday, too - to save your life. It's not needed anymore, so we no longer have the ability."

Maybe Goddess really existed, after all. And maybe She'd realized that Win - apparently one of Her favorites - was determined to bond with Dee, simply because he could mind-speak with her.

Goddess knew Dee was unworthy to be Win's lifemate, so She solved the problem.

In a lifetime of rejections, this one was the worst.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Win headed straight for Grandma's office, but it was empty. The connecting door to Grandpa's office was open, so he checked to see if she was there, instead.

She wasn't, but Grandpa noticed him and said, "If you're looking for your grandmother, I'd suggest trying the training level. It's time for the Apprentice Healers' lab."

"Okay, thanks." He thought about mentioning their mind-speaking problem to him, but it seemed more like something a Healer would know about. Or a Priestess.

Once he got to the training level, he found Grandma surrounded by her students, and he knew there was no hope she could take time to talk until the lab was over. He thought that would be soon, so he decided to wait in the students' lounge.

The furniture was even more wrecked-up than it had been when he was using this room daily. He'd have to suggest throwing it out and getting new when he talked to Grandma.

Why couldn't he mind-speak to Diana anymore? It couldn't be because she wasn't his lifemate! He could feel that she was in every single cell of his body.

And why wouldn't she believe that he welcomed her as his lifemate? Maybe Barry hadn't appreciated her, but Win did. He didn't care that she weighed more than the stupid fashion magazines said she should!

Would it help if he told her that? He'd always heard that it was suicide to mention that a woman might have put on a few pounds, but this situation was different. And she certainly hadn't liked it when he said she was a beautiful woman...

"Win, dear, were you looking for me?" Grandma asked from the open doorway.

He jumped up from the broken-down couch. "Yes. Can we talk somewhere?" The room was filling up with students, and he didn't want them hearing his troubles.

"Of course." She led the way down the hall to her training office, and when they were both inside, she pulled the door shut. "What's the trouble, dear?"

"Oh, Grandma! Diana and I can't mind-speak anymore!" That wasn't how he'd planned to tell her, but no other words would come out.

"You can't?" She frowned. "Could it be that Diana just won't speak to you that way?"

He shook his head. "No. When we try, we get that kind of echo-y tinny sound that Su and I got when we stopped being able to mind-speak."

"And it goes both ways?"

"Yeah." He might as well tell her the story. It would come out eventually. "We were talking about being lifemates, and she said we weren't. She said she knew why I wanted to be her lifemate, and it wasn't because of her but because of her Sight. And she told me about her husband and how awful he was, and I guess she thinks I'd be the same..."

Was any of this relevant? And even if it was, did he want to tell Grandma about it? But he'd already started, so he didn't stop. "And I told her she was wrong, but she didn't believe me. So I mind-spoke and asked her to link with me. That way, she'd see how much I want her - and that it's her I want."

Grandma made a face. "Is that what you said? That you wanted her?"

He thought back. "Not exactly. I said 'Feel how much I desire you - only you.' And then she mind- spoke back to me to get out of her head, and I got all dizzy, and then after that, we couldn't mind-speak anymore."

Grandma puffed up like she'd forgotten to breathe. After a few seconds, she swallowed and licked her lips. "I - I'm afraid I can't explain what happened, at least not right now. I'll have to consult with the High Priestess - and talk with Dee, of course."

"But we can fix this, can't we?" He wasn't ready to leave this problem unresolved. Every moment that he couldn't mind-speak with Diana was miserable.

Grandma took a couple of deep breaths before answering. "I don't know what to say about the mind- speaking issue, Win dear. But as to the rest of it, I suggest that you might think through your feelings for Diana a bit more. With luck, you will spend many decades with your lifemate. Desire is a poor description for the depth and breadth of that bond. Come up with some better words to express how you feel."

He'd thought he'd done a good job expressing himself! But maybe Grandma had a point - Diana had obviously been unimpressed. "I'll try. But you'll try to help us, won't you? I can't stand being separated from her this way!"

Grandma smiled and nodded. "Of course, dear. Now, go along - I have things to do."

Since one of the things was finding out how to fix his problem, he didn't protest.

**

Dee ought to be studying, but she felt too weepy. She hadn't really believed that she and Win were lifemates, but it had sure been a nice fantasy.

But fantasies were short-lived - her life had certainly proved that in spades. It was time to get on with reality. And reality meant that she had to learn to protect herself from people like Shiva just as quickly as possible - and then get out of here. Proximity to Win was no place for her.

But first, she'd cuddle with Mr. Bill some more.

A woman's voice filled the room. "First, Adept Diana, we have some business to discuss."

"Aradia, is that you?" Other than the clear note of command, it didn't sound like her. It didn't sound like anyone Dee knew.

"No. Priestess Aradia serves Me well."

Goddess? "Come on! I know you're not Goddess!"

Mr. Bill jumped off her lap and scurried under the bed to hide. He didn't like loud voices.

"You cannot know that which is not true, Adept Diana. It is time for you to accept Me, and your proper place in the Balance."

There was probably no point in continuing to argue about whether or not Goddess was speaking to her. Too many impossible things had happened in this last week - this could simply be the most recent. "What do You keep calling me? I'm a Seer."

"You are an Adept, Diana - or you will be, once you accept your powers."

"How can I not accept them? I have those awful dreams, and Aradia says no one can stop them. And I used to be able to mind-speak with Win, but that's gone now. But I don't have any other powers."

"Diana, you have more powers than anyone who has lived in the last two hundred years. That is the last time an Adept lived."

Two hundred years? "But what's an Adept?"

"A person who has all the major talents, and some special ones, as well."

All the major talents? What did that mean? Dee had to restrain herself from running to the computer and doing a search on the word Adept. Could this actually be true?

"Are you ready to stop arguing now?" Goddess asked. She sounded on the edge of laughter - could a Goddess be amused? That wasn't Dee's concept of an all-powerful being at all.

"I - I guess. I'm not sure if I believe any of this, but..."

"You will, Diana. Trust Me."

"Trust You? You've got to be kidding!"

"Not in the least." Goddess's voice could have quick-frozen lava at the mouth of a volcano. Maybe it had at some point in history.

"I - I'm sorry, Goddess. It's just hard to believe that I'm actually talking to You."

Goddess sighed. "I know. I run into that frequently. Now, let us address this issue of lifemates first. You and Mage Gwynvid are lifemates. I know he is young and immature, but his heart is pure and his love will enrich your life in ways you cannot yet imagine."

"He doesn't love me! He wants my Sight to aid his career - and he's so horny he'll sleep with any female who's not related to him!" After the words were out, she realized it probably wasn't politically correct to mention sex to Goddess. Assuming this was Goddess.

Plus, her statement wasn't technically true. He'd turned her down.

"Neither accusation is true, Diana, but I will leave the convincing to him. Simply remember that he cannot truly conceive of the life you've led up to now. The only obstacle he's had to overcome was his father's reluctance to allow him to become an Apprentice. I couldn't make his life too easy or he wouldn't have been able to deal with the challenges that await him."

Dee was shocked. "You made his life like that? You chose what would happen to him?"

"Certainly. I'm the Creator of everything, after all," Goddess answered complacently. "You humans have free will, and you often go against my plan, but I do set the wheels in motion."

"For me, too? You could have given me a halfway decent life?" If Goddess were here, Dee would kill her.

"Diana, you don't understand. In order for you to fulfill your role in the Balance, you needed to face many challenges. You have great powers, and you must have the wisdom and experience to know when and how to use them."

"I needed to be rejected every day of my whole wretched life? I needed to have the whole world convince me, over and over, how completely worthless I am?" She stormed to her feet, then sank back into her chair and swiped at the tears that slipped out.

She demanded, "I needed to have my husband sleep with every floozy in town, and then not be able to get it up when he was with me?"

"That only happened once," Goddess answered quickly.

"That only happened once because he didn't try after that!" she shrieked. "Do you have any idea how awful it is to be married to a man who thinks that the number of times he shoots his load is a measure of his manliness - and to have him not even touch you for more than six months?"

She visualized the small statue of Goddess that sat on her altar exploding into a cloud of dust.

Which it promptly did. The whole body was gone, and only the head was intact. It sat right at her feet.

"Did I do that?" She ran over to the altar. Her eyes hadn't lied - the statue was gone, and all that was left on the altar was a fine coating of dust.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't blow up a statue of myself!" Goddess answered.

"But -"

"I know - you've been claiming you can't do magick. You'll have to find another excuse now, Adept."

Dee realized she was no longer furious. She was simply disgusted. "You're not even sorry, are You? You've made my whole life miserable, and You don't care!"

"I care, Diana. I care about all my subjects. But I must confess that you and Mage Gwynvid are among my favorites. You will serve Me so well together."

Wasn't Goddess supposed to care about humanity? Apparently that concept was something that the people of the Balance had created out of thin air. Goddess cared about having people serve Her, and that was it!

"Well, Goddess, maybe Win wants to waste his life serving You - after all, You gave him a nice life! But I'm sure as hell not playing along with your little game. Leave me alone - and stop messing up my life!"

Goddess laughed. "Oh Adept, Coercion doesn't work on Me. And you may wish to rethink your decision - Mage Gwynvid will not be dissuaded from doing My work. Ask Priestess Aradia how many times her lifemate bond with Guardian Ogma has enabled her to save his life."

Goddess paused, then added, "I do not think you would welcome Mage Gwynvid's death."

Those final words hung in the air until Dee escaped them by leaving her suite.

**

It was one thing for Dee to tell Goddess to butt out of her life, and something entirely different not to wonder what She had been talking about.

What was an Adept? Could it possibly be true that she had more powers than anyone who had lived for two hundred years?

She wished she hadn't left her suite so abruptly. She could look for references to Adepts on the computer. But she wasn't ready to go back there yet, so she decided to look for Aradia. That was the kind of information a Priestess ought to know.

She'd look for Aradia on the training level first - she didn't want to see Ogma if she could possibly avoid it. He didn't understand that a person could have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to serve Goddess.

George was standing near the elevator and greeted Dee happily. "Hi, Dee! It's nice to see you again - I suppose you won't be coming back to class anymore."

"I don't really know. Actually, I'm looking for Aradia right now - I hope she can help me figure out about what training I need."

George nodded and stuck her hand out so the elevator doors couldn't close. "I know. With you being Win's lifemate, you'll need to get up to speed quickly."

"I'm not -" She stopped right there. Anything she told George would immediately become grist for the gossip mill. "Have you seen Aradia recently?"

"We just finished lab a little while ago. She went back in the direction of her office." George pointed down the hall that led to the student lounge.

"Okay, thanks." Dee smiled. Knowing she should be polite, she added, "By the way, thanks for welcoming me to class the other day. I enjoyed it."

"So did we," George said, then stepped onto the elevator.

Dee started down the hall and was surprised not to encounter any other students. Was it lunchtime?

A low sexy female laugh drew her attention as she passed the student lounge. And then a man's voice, barely loud enough to hear - cut off suddenly -

She shouldn't look, but she couldn't help it.

Carla was in the middle of a passionate full-body- contact kiss.

With Win.

**

So what was he supposed to do now? Just sit around until Grandma figured out how to fix the mind- speaking problem?

And what about Diana? Being able to mind-speak again wasn't going to prove anything to her. She'd just keep saying that garbage about how he wanted her because of her Sight.

Well, he didn't, and it made him damn mad for her to accuse him of it. She was his lifemate - wasn't she supposed to know him better than anyone?

It would serve her right if he just stayed away from her until she realized he was right. Let her come to him - he was sick of being rejected!

He guessed he'd go work out for a while. It was probably a better idea than telling Diana off.

Carla's voice floated out into the hall from the lounge. "Hey there. Mages don't usually come to the training level."

"I had to see my grandmother." He paused for a moment, then turned into the room. His workout could wait.

"It's been a couple of days and you haven't called," Carla said, then smiled. "Still, I guess you've been pretty busy..."

"That's for sure." Maybe instead of a workout, he needed a different way of releasing tension. Goddess probably wouldn't approve, but he didn't care. She could have sent him a reasonable lifemate.

He smiled at Carla. "I'm surprised to see you here - isn't this your lunch break?"

"Yeah, but I don't usually eat. I have to watch my figure, you know." She ran her hands down her sides, emphasizing that her figure was great.

He was surprised not to feel the usual tightness of awakening arousal, but still he said, "Maybe I can watch it for you."

She laughed as though no one had ever said anything that witty before.

Her throaty laugh ought to have him practically on his knees, but it did nothing to him. What was wrong with him?

It must be this whole lifemate thing. Tanissa might be part of it, too.

Come to think of it, what guy wouldn't get a little freaked out by his ex-lover helping to torture him? And then his lifemate helps save his life and promptly denies that they're lifemates! No wonder he wasn't reacting up to par.

"I'd love that," Carla said, and he had to think twice to remember what she'd love.

"Well then, bring it here," he invited, even knowing he'd have a good long Vigil coming.

After that, it was a little difficult to think at all. She plastered her body to his and gave him a kiss that wouldn't quit.

He guessed he kissed her back - it would have been hard not to. But nothing else happened.

Had Tanissa broken him? Or maybe Su's Healing cream had a side-effect she hadn't bothered to warn him about?

No - he'd reacted when he was holding Diana. He just needed to get more in the mood.

Carla had real nice breasts - he'd admired them for the last couple of years. He'd have gone after her before this, if she and Tanissa weren't best friends. Tanissa would have castrated him with a paring knife if he'd touched another woman at the Stronghold.

Eoow, that wasn't a sexy thought! He'd think about Carla's breasts some more - and then do something about it.

"Mm-mm," she murmured, when he cupped her breast. She arched her back and pressed herself into his hand. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her lightweight robe felt almost nonexistent. Her nipple was huge and rock-hard.

A term that couldn't be applied to any part of his anatomy. Damn!

Eventually, Carla shifted her mouth slightly away from his. "Is your room okay, lover? I've only got about an hour before my next class."

Would it be any different once they were naked? He'd sure like to think so, but he couldn't really believe it. And if he took her to his room and then couldn't perform, his reputation would be shot.

Maybe this was what they meant about lifemates being the only ones for each other - even though Diana denied their bond, he wasn't the slightly bit attracted to another woman.

"No, I'm sorry," he said. "This won't work."

"That silly twit won't find out!" Carla protested. "Anyway, you of all people can't believe that someone like that is your lifemate!"

"She certainly is," he said. "Diana is a wonderful and beautiful woman, and the miracle is that Goddess made her for me."

Carla snorted in disgust and shoved him backwards onto the broken-down couch. "You are lame, Win Sayre. Tanissa used to tell me all these stories about how ace you were in bed, but she must've been jiving me."

She thrust her chest out further and stuck her chin up. "I'm all the woman any man needs, and you can't even get it up! I'd get more satisfaction from one of the Mage Apprentices - they may be young, but at least they get hard when I walk by!"

She stormed out of the lounge, her butt swaying enticingly.

Not that his stupid body agreed.

**

Dee ran into the next room down the hall, not caring what she blundered into. Luckily the room was unoccupied. She had to hide.

There was no reason to cry. Win had just proven she was right. He didn't want to be her lifemate. He wanted a woman like Carla.

All men wanted women like Carla. As many of them as possible.

Dee wasn't a woman like Carla. She never had been, and she never could be. What's more, even if she could be like Carla, she wouldn't do it.

Oh, she'd be skinny and built and pretty like Carla. Sure. No doubt about that.

But she wouldn't be shallow and bitchy like Carla. And she wouldn't treat men like candy bars to be gobbled up.

Really, she couldn't blame Win. It was natural for someone beautiful like him to want someone equally beautiful to sleep with.

Goddess had miscalculated, plain and simple. She wasn't human - how could She understand the incredibly powerful effect that the sex drive had on men?

Dee thought for a few minutes about what to do next. She knew she couldn't return to her apartment - nor any type of supposedly-normal life - until she could protect herself from the Shivas of the world.

And then, there was this issue about them being lifemates. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't, but she didn't really see that it mattered. She was the only one who could mind-speak and mind-link with Win. And as a Mage, he'd walk into danger over and over. Without her to help him, he'd die - probably sooner rather than later. And Dee couldn't stand for that to happen. Goddess was right about that.

But neither could she be expected to stay near Win and watch him cavort with Carla and every other nubile female in his path.

Suddenly, she knew what to do. She dried her tears, straightened her shoulders, and went in search of Aradia.

Aradia's office turned out to be only two doors down. She looked up and smiled. "Hello, Dee. I was going to call you in a few minutes."

Dee shut the door and sat in front of Aradia's desk. "I have a question for you, Aradia. Who do I need to talk to about moving to another Stronghold for training?"

The pencil Aradia was holding fell onto the desk. "Moving to another Stronghold? Don't be hasty, dear - simply because Win has difficulty putting his feelings into words -"

"His feelings are clear. I realize that my leaving will mess up Goddess's plan, but I simply can't let another man destroy my soul the way Barry did."

"No. No, of course not, but..." Aradia dismissed her own argument with a shake of her head. "But let's leave that issue for a few moments. What type of training are you looking for? Simply enough to protect yourself when you return to your regular life?"

Dee shook her head. "No. Goddess says I'm an Adept -"

"Goddess spoke to you?" Aradia demanded.

"Just a little while ago. And now I realize I have to learn how to use my powers. I - I need to be able to help Win."

Aradia leaned forward. "Are you saying that you refuse to bond with him, but that you still wish to help him?"

Dee wished these stupid tears would stop welling up in her eyes. "Yes. I don't want him to die, and Goddess says that his life will be in danger often."

"That's quite likely," Aradia said. "The Council tries to assign strong Mages who have found their lifemates to the most difficult assignments, but it's not always possible. And, as happened with Shiva, the Council isn't always aware of how serious a situation might be."

She frowned before continuing, "But Dee, are you really sure about all of this? The course you're contemplating will be very difficult for both of you."

She nodded. "I'm sure, Aradia. As far as difficult - I'm used to difficult. It's what I've dealt with my entire life. And I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but Win could stand something being difficult for once in his life."

Aradia opened her mouth a couple of times, then closed it without speaking. Finally, she said, "I must respect your decision, Dee. Naturally I hope that you'll change your mind, but that is not for me to decide."

She paused long enough to compose herself. "Your decision to undergo training is a result of your conversation with Goddess?"

Dee nodded. "Yes. And I think She's quite pleased with Herself - She knows that I - that I care too much about Win to just walk away from the Balance, no matter what I think about the way She's manipulated my life."

Aradia's lips twitched and she finally smiled. "I admit that Goddess's actions are not always to our liking. But She has our best interests at heart - you'll learn that eventually."

"I don't care about Her intentions. Just tell me what it means to be an Adept - and what She meant by Coercion."

Aradia nodded. "All right. Adepts are very rare - it's been more than a hundred years since one lived."

"She said two hundred," Dee said, wanting to argue.

"Very well, two hundred then. Goddess would know better than any of us. Adepts are proficient in all the major types of magick - Healing magick, Sight, Mage magick - as well as some more rare talents."

She pressed her lips together before continuing. "I've suspected you had Coercion since Win told me what happened between you earlier."

"You mean when we stopped being able to mind- speak?"

Aradia shook her head. "No. When you told him to get out of your head, and he collapsed onto the floor."

"I made that happen?"

"Yes. That's Coercion. You told him to get out of your head. You simply intended for him to stop mind- speaking to you right then, but Coercion magick is very literal. It took away the ability to mind-speak from both of you - but only temporarily. You can restore it at any time."

Dee had liked being able to talk to Win that way. And she'd have to do it eventually, in order to protect him. But right now, it was better that they couldn't mind- speak.

Aradia continued, "In a way, Coercion is a step beyond the compulsion spell Win put on you. With a compulsion spell, the person under the spell is completely aware they are being forced to do something they don't want to. And they can resist - it's difficult, but possible, especially for short periods of time."

Dee cradled her head in her hands, remembering the burning words that had told her to cooperate. "I did something like that to Win? That's awful!"

Aradia shook her head. "Coercion is different - both more effective and less disruptive to the person involved. It's a type of magick that acts directly on the person's free will. They do what you tell them to without even realizing it's against what they want."

She stared at Aradia. "That's even worse! And I didn't know I was doing it!"

"You probably shifted into your Voice of Power without realizing it."

"My Voice of Power? What's that?"

"It's the way we do magick when we must speak words out loud. You use your voice slightly differently than usual."

"Well, what's the -"

Just then, Aradia frowned and raised her hand, indicating that Dee should be quiet. She said, "Ogma needs to speak to me. Just a moment."

It was more than a moment before she nodded and seemed to end her mental conversation. But instead of letting Dee continue with her question, she said, "I'm sorry. We'll have to discuss this later."

Just then, a loudspeaker system Dee hadn't heard before announced, "Healer Sulis, please report to the Garage immediately."

Aradia came to her feet. "Dee, would you please come with me? It seems that Tanissa has been found right outside the Stronghold, badly injured. Your Soothing ability may be required."

She strode out of the room, obviously assuming that Dee would do as she asked.

She did - but she didn't plan on doing any Soothing.

After the horrible things Tanissa had done to Win, she didn't deserve Soothing.

**

As they rode up in the elevator, Aradia explained, "She's right outside the side door. Ogma checked the Stronghold memory, and two men carried her up the driveway to the door, left her, and returned the same way. We'll bring her in right away, and then I'll get the stretcher we keep in the storeroom to bring her down to the Healing Ground."

"Isn't it dangerous to open the door? Shiva might be out there waiting."

Aradia shook her head. "Where we'll be going is just as safe as we are right now. Ogma has extended the perimeter of the Stronghold temporarily. No one would be able to get through the shield."

Dee wasn't sure if she should believe that, but Aradia certainly seemed confident. She turned her attention to another point. "I don't know much about Soothing, you know. I just did it that once with Win."

"I realize that, but if you touch Tanissa and form the intention of Soothing her, your instincts will probably take over from there. She may not need Soothing, in any case. Ogma says she seems catatonic."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Aradia led the way across the garage and opened the door. "There she is, poor girl. Come help me bring her in."

Dee wondered if Aradia would call her a poor girl if she'd seen the images in Win's mind last night. Still, Tanissa had been badly beaten, and Dee found she couldn't hate the woman quite as much as she had earlier.

Since Tanissa was slender and fairly short, carrying her inside wasn't difficult. Aradia commented, "She can't have been outside long. With the cold wind and being naked, she would have cooled off quickly."

Tanissa's eyes were open and staring. Dee found that disconcerting in the absence of any reaction to being moved. Weren't they hurting her?

What had been done to her, anyway? Dee understood the bruises, and the brand on her breast - but what about those almost regular gouges all over her torso? Had she been tied to something with barbed wire?

Dee had thought she knew the worst that Shiva was capable of. She'd been wrong.

They set Tanissa down on the chilly concrete floor of the garage, and Aradia went off to get the stretcher. Tanissa moved then, sitting up under her own power and fixing her gaze on a spot about three feet in front of her. In a clear ringing voice, she said, "Master, I live only to Serve you!"

Tanissa must be hallucinating. Dee bent and touched her, thinking that Soothing might prevent her from doing herself more harm.

The chaos that was Tanissa's mind was incredible! Dee felt herself tumbling, out of control, amidst images of horrors she couldn't name and didn't want to. She pulled back, quickly, determined not to become lost herself.

She stepped back two steps, needing distance from what seemed to no longer be a human being.

Steel bands closed around both of her wrists and she was pulled back against a man's lean hard body. "Diana, do not struggle. I give you a great honor - you will be my Consort and join me in Serving the Queen!"

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Dee looked down. Those weren't steel bands around her wrists - they were heavily-tattooed hands!

Shiva! How had he gotten into the Stronghold?

Dee tried to jerk her hands out of his grip, but her muscles wouldn't obey.

DO NOT STRUGGLE!

DO NOT STRUGGLE!

The words burned in her brain - just like four days ago, when Win compelled her. Only these words seemed to hurt worse...

"Come with me, Diana. We'll take the elevator." Shiva pulled her in that direction. Despite her intentions, Dee could do nothing to hinder their progress.

But what about this Coercion thing she could do? Aradia hadn't told her much about it, but she'd used it on Win without even knowing it existed.

"Let me go!"

Shiva only tightened his grip and forced her hand to press the elevator call button. "You will learn the price of defying me." His voice was low and full of the evil that had made her dreams so frightening. "But not until we've called the vengeance of the Queen down on the Stronghold."

Shiva jerked her around, so that they both faced Tanissa. In a quiet but ringing voice, he called out, "O mighty Queen, I give to You the Servant Tanissa! Destroy her as you wish!"

Tanissa struggled onto her knees. "No, Master! You promised -"

Her body broke into angry red flames. The fire consumed her completely within moments. No sign remained that she had ever lain on that spot in the garage.

Dee gasped. Shiva was incredibly powerful!

"Allow that to be a lesson to you, Diana. If you wish to survive - be loyal, competent, follow orders, - and provide something I require. Tanissa was seldom much good at the first three, but she was useful. That is the only reason I allowed her to survive this long."

Dee's knees were like water, but she couldn't faint! What would he do to her then?

He tightened his grip further. "But after she anchored my transport here, she ceased to have any use. Your friend Callie suffered the same fate a short time ago - she was loyal and often competent, but I no longer need her, either. Still, they both Served me one last time - by proving my usefulness to the Queen."

He was going to kill her, too!

"And that, my dearest Consort, is the name of the game. Serving me - however I wish to be Served." He laughed nastily.

She remembered the ceremony outside the motel - and imagined herself on the altar instead of Callie. The idea made her want to vomit.

The elevator doors opened and he pushed her in. "Tell it to take us to the Bedrock Vault," he hissed in her ear.

The Bedrock Vault? She thought she'd heard about that - or maybe read about it. It was the foundation of the whole Stronghold!

"No! I won't!"

TELL IT TO TAKE US TO THE BEDROCK VAULT!

TELL IT TO TAKE US TO THE BEDROCK VAULT!

TELL IT TO TAKE US TO THE BEDROCK VAULT!

Oh, her head! The burning was so much worse than when Win compelled her! Like someone was burning her brain the same way Callie had burned Win yesterday!

"Bedrock Vault, please." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. The burning eased off immediately.

"Please identify yourself. Your voiceprint does not match any current users," the elevator replied.

That was a break! She'd only been programmed into the system yesterday, and the pain in her head must have made her voice sound unlike itself.

"Get it to work," Shiva demanded.

GET IT TO WORK!

GET IT TO WORK!

Oh, all right! "Elevator, this is Adept Diana. You have me programmed as Seer Diana, but I am, in fact, an Adept."

There was a pause, and Dee wondered what the elevator would do. Did anyone know that Shiva was inside the Stronghold?

The elevator finally responded, "Thank you, Adept. I have received confirmation of your new status. Would you like me to change your user name?"

Shiva forced both arms into the small of her back, twisting painfully. "No more delays."

NO MORE DELAYS!

NO MORE DELAYS!

"Yes, please," she told the elevator. "Now, I'd like to go to the Bedrock Vault, please."

The elevator started to descend. In what seemed to be a conversational voice, it said, "You have not been specifically granted access to the Bedrock Vault, Adept, but all areas of the Stronghold are open to Adepts."

Now what was she going to do? If Ogma knew that Shiva had invaded the Stronghold, it seemed like he would have disabled the elevator. So, probably no one knew to worry - at least not until Aradia noticed her missing. How soon would that be?

If only she could mind-speak to Win!

According to Aradia, she could! She just had to undo the Coercion for Win to get out of her mind.

[Get back in my mind!] she mind-spoke, but the words made those dull little drips again.

She had to use her Voice of Power! Except what was that? Well, she'd used it by mistake earlier, so it couldn't be too out-of-the-ordinary.

How had she mind-spoken that Coercion? She'd kind of yelled the words, she remembered, making each one individual and distinct.

Okay, she'd try that. [Get - back - into - my - head!]

Whoa! That one didn't make the drippy sound. It kind of made her head spin a little, though.

[Diana? Are you there?]

[Win! I did it! I made our mind-speaking work again!]

[Oh, Diana, this is wonderful! I have so much I want to tell you -]

She cut him off - she had to. [Win, Shiva's here, and he's compelled me, and he's making me take him to the Bedrock Vault.]

[Oh, Goddess! I'll push the panic button, then transport. Keep your eyes open and focused on one spot as much as possible.]

[Okay.]

The elevator doors opened, and Shiva pushed her into a vast room that seemed much like the Ritual Ground on a massive scale - raw stone floors and walls, and no visible ceiling. The difference was its size - the room must be fifty feet across and at least that long. A massive rock protruded through the floor like an iceberg emerging from the ocean. The rock filled fully half of the Vault and loomed over them, seeming to rise above them endlessly.

The rest of the room was empty. Everything - floor, walls, rock, everything - was in shades of gray. It wasn't cold like the Ritual Ground, Dee realized - it was as warm as a cozy fire-lit living room on a winter's night.

Shiva said, "Behold the Bedrock of this Stronghold which the Queen will soon destroy! And witness the evidence that the Balance was once as blood-thirsty as it condemns me for being!"

His outstretched arm pointed out a flat stained area almost all the way on the opposite side of the Bedrock. Was that the residue of blood?

He ordered, "Take your place on the altar." He shoved her into the Bedrock, then slit her robe up the back.

TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE ALTAR!

TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE ALTAR!

She wouldn't! She'd Seen the ceremony back at the motel - he was going to cut her and then rape her.

Where was Win? [Win?]

[I'm coming, Diana. On the elevator. I can't transport into the Bedrock Vault - Grandpa says it's a security measure.]

TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE ALTAR!

TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE ALTAR!

The pain in her head was like a branding iron now. She collapsed face-first onto the altar, sobbing.

Shiva grabbed her, turned her around, and ripped the robe off of her. She could do nothing but sob and cringe against the Bedrock.

"Get into position or you will die along with every other being in this Stronghold!"

The threat didn't sound that bad - if she was dead, her head wouldn't hurt. But she could no longer resist that awful voice. She crawled backward onto the Bedrock altar.

The relief was incredible and instantaneous. She relaxed into the chilly rock and her mind floated.

She felt Shiva snap restraints around her wrists and ankles, but she didn't care.

**

Why couldn't they have a fast elevator? This one had been descending for hours already!

[Diana, darling, are you all right?]

[Wh -? I'm fine. Will you be here soon?]

Her voice didn't sound right - almost like he'd woken her from a nap. [Has Shiva done something to you?]

[Uh-huh. I'm on the altar and I think he's gonna sacrifice me.]

Oh, Goddess! The Bedrock altar had an ancient spell on it to calm the animals they used to sacrifice! [Raise your head, Diana! Raise your head off the Bedrock!]

[Uh-uh. It feels good. It makes the burning in my head stop.]

[Darling, you have to! Do it for me!]

The elevator doors opened on a horrible sight. Diana, naked, was strapped to the altar, with Shiva, also naked, standing between her wide-stretched legs. He held a knife over her chest, and he interrupted a ceremonial invocation to look at Win. "Don't make a move - you wouldn't want this knife to slip."

Win was momentarily too stunned to move. "Dion?" Was this his old friend?

Shiva grinned. "It's Shiva now, but yes, you knew me as Dion."

"But you're dead!"

"Nope. Not in the slightest. I understand your confusion, though - I made sure it looked like I died along with everyone else in the California Stronghold."

He lowered the knife so the tip just touched Diana's skin. "I did the same invocation down there, by the way. And the same one to blow up that motel the other night. And don't worry about me - the Queen will allow me to safely transport out just before she blows up the Stronghold - along with my new Consort here." He gestured proprietarily at Diana.

He took a long look at Diana's body, then turned back to Win. "I've certainly seen better bodies, but none with this amount of power. Luckily, power's what turns me on - and anyway, this one's got the necessary parts."

With the hand that wasn't holding the knife, Shiva reached up and squeezed Diana's breast. "The Queen's brand will look just fine up here." He trailed his hand down her body and rudely thrust several fingers into her.

Diana stiffened and her eyes filled with tears.

"And I'll fit just fine down here," Shiva said.

Win wanted to charge him - to take Shiva out, whatever the cost. But he couldn't. Shiva could kill Diana before Win could get to him -

He could kill the woman Win loved!

Diana wasn't just his lifemate - he loved her!

But if he wanted a chance to tell her that, he'd better come up with a plan.

Grandpa was on the way down the secret stairs, but it well might take him too long to get here. Win had to destroy Shiva himself. But how?

He couldn't unleash magick against Shiva while he had a knife poised over Diana that way. Could she maybe distract him - get him to move the knife?

[Diana, darling, you have to help me. Try to distract Shiva - here, I'll undo one of your hands.] He saw the binding fall open, but Diana did nothing.

[Diana, look at me! Raise your head!] When she didn't move, he panicked and told her what he'd finally realized. [Diana, listen, I love you. You are my lifemate and I can't stand for Shiva to hurt you like this. Let me get you away from him!]

Diana's head came up then and she stared straight into his eyes. [You don't -] She blinked a couple of times, then turned to Shiva and bellowed in a Voice of Power, "Shiva, get away from me!"

Shiva backed away, his expression stunned. What kind of magick had Diana just done? Win shook off the question and slammed Shiva with magick. Shiva dropped his knife, flew into the far wall, and slumped onto the floor.

Win created three sets of sturdy handcuffs. He cuffed Shiva's hands and feet, then used the third set to fasten the two sets together. Shiva wouldn't be going anywhere on his own soon - even after he regained consciousness.

Win ran to Diana, magickally releasing her other hand and both legs, and she threw herself into his arms.

Nothing had ever felt that good.

**

Dee wanted to ask Win to say it again - out loud this time. He loved her!

She knew guys sometimes said that when it wasn't true, but Win wasn't like other guys. He was honest and forthright and he really believed in things!

She wanted to say the words back to him, to let herself believe that the impossible was true - that she and Win had been made for each other, and that they would live their lives together. But she couldn't completely let go of her fear. She was naked. Sooner or later he would notice her body. [Where's my robe?]

He responded by holding her even closer. [I'll find it. Just let me hold you a little longer. I've dreamed about you my whole life, and now you're here.]

Dee savored every moment of unconditional love. She knew Win would still love her after he'd seen her body - she believed that much - but it would never be the same.

He finally let her go, very reluctantly, and stepped back just far enough to see her. He didn't say a word, but she saw him swallow.

He was horrified! He'd seen her body and he was horrified!

She'd known he'd be disappointed. Nothing less was possible. Until now, he would have hoped she had exaggerated about being a tub of lard.

But horrified? Maybe he wouldn't still love her.

He backed away, clearly at a loss for words, and went in search of her robe. "Grandpa will be here soon," he said, as though he needed to justify his action.

He didn't. She understood. He wanted her body covered as soon as possible.

So did she.

So did she.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Diana's body was just exactly like it had been in his dreams! He hadn't understood - he'd wanted a woman with curves, and he'd thought that meant someone like Carla or Tanissa. It didn't! He wanted wonderful round breasts - and stomach - and thighs...

He moved away from her blindly, seeing nothing -

Until - twenty feet away - Shiva's knife rose in the air! Shiva grinned at him. "Remember how we used to bet whose magick was strongest? No betting needed now - my knife will find Diana and bury itself in her!"

It took off straight for the Bedrock where Diana was still standing. [Run! I'll stop it!] he told her.

She jumped sideways, and the knife clanged into the Bedrock right where she'd been standing.

But instead of falling to the floor, it simply bounced off the Bedrock, wobbled a bit, then took off after her again.

Win threw up an invisible wall in front of the knife.

The knife passed straight through the wall, losing only a little momentum!

He blasted the knife into a thousand tiny pieces.

But nothing happened! And the knife was only a couple of feet from Diana now!

She ducked at the last second. The knife zinged over her head and continued into the wall ten feet away.

This time when it turned around and came after her again, it was moving faster.

Shiva laughed. "You stupid fool! You're feeding it power to do its job!"

Win spun and sent a blast that emptied his power reserves straight at Shiva.

Who continued to sit there laughing. "I know enough to protect myself, Mage."

The latest strike barely missed Diana, and he heard the clang of knife on rock.

He was out of power for magick! She would die without his protection!

No! That couldn't happen!

He raced into its path. [I love you, Diana. Always remember that!]

He only hoped the knife would stop when it hit him.

**

Win was willing to die to save her!

Her body horrified him, yet he was still willing to die for her.

But she couldn't let him die! Would Coercion work on a knife?

"Not my lifemate!" she roared.

The knife wobbled a bit, but it still came after both of them.

"Knife!"

The knife stopped in mid-air.

It was listening to her! "Kill Shiva!"

The knife did an immediate end-for-end flip and headed back, twice as fast, toward Shiva.

He screamed, "No! In the name of the Queen, stop!"

The knife buried itself hilt-deep in Shiva's chest.

**

Diana's magick was stronger than his own!

Win stood there, staring at the body of his onetime friend, wishing he could think of something intelligent to say. Finally, he looked at her and swallowed. "Diana, that was wonderful! I -"

Could he say what he felt? Yes, this was his lifemate. He could say anything. "I was so scared - I couldn't let him kill you..." Yet Shiva would have killed her, if Diana hadn't been able to stop him.

She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her ripped gown and backed against the wall. "And I couldn't let him kill you." She glanced toward the elevator. "Is it okay if I go up to my suite now? I still feel naked..."

Just then, Grandpa burst through a hidden door into the Bedrock Vault. His keen eyes went right to Shiva's body and he said, "I see I've arrived late. Good job, Win!"

"It was Diana's doing," he answered. "Shiva sent a knife after her and I couldn't stop it - but she reversed it and sent it back through his protective shield!" How had she done that? She had no training!

Grandpa looked at Diana and nodded. "Excellent. You used Coercion, I presume."

Coercion? What was that?

Diana nodded, but she was noticeably paler than she'd been just a minute ago. "I - I don't..." Her knees wobbled.

Why hadn't he realized that would happen? She wasn't used to expending huge amounts of energy on magick!

He ran to her, catching her just before she fell. [Link with me, darling. I'll feed you power.] He didn't have much left, but whatever he had was hers.

Her mental barriers dropped, and she was suddenly there inside his mind. But so weak!

He willed power to flow through their link to her, and he felt her suck it in and ask for more. But how could he give her as much as she needed?

Grandpa said, "Win, bring Diana and touch the Bedrock. It is the Stronghold's source of power as well as its magick."

He carried Diana to the Bedrock, and they both pressed their bodies against its massive bulk. Power surged into them, replenishing their reserves.

[Thanks,] she told him. [I'll be fine in a minute.] She closed the link from her side.

Grandpa stood next to the hidden door, ready to leave. "I will arrange for disposal of the body, and tomorrow is time enough to discuss exactly what happened. For now, take as much power from the Bedrock as you need. I thank you for your service to the Stronghold, Mage Gwynvid and Adept Diana."

He was gone before Win realized the title he'd used for Diana. "You're an Adept?"

She nodded. "I'm not completely sure what that means, but Goddess says that's what I am."

"Goddess says? You mean She spoke to you?"

"Yes. She said a lot of things, actually," Diana replied. "Including that we really are lifemates."

"I told you that," he said, not realizing until the words were out how rude they sounded. "I'm sorry. It's hard for me to realize how strange all this must seem to you."

She smiled and his heart spun out of control. "That's okay. You're been patient about it, and I've been difficult. But I understand now. Being lifemates is very special."

His heart stopped beating entirely. "Does that mean you'll bond with me?"

She nodded. "I have to admit I still don't totally understand what bonding is, but yes."

He caught her in his arms and spun around the Bedrock Vault wildly, sure he'd never want to stop. But he came to a dead halt when tears that he knew were not of joy filled her eyes. "What is it, darling?"

She shook her head, not meeting his eyes. "Nothing. But you should put me down before you hurt yourself."

"I could carry you around the world ten times and not hurt myself!"

Her head sagged forward. After a few seconds, she said, "You don't have to say that, Win. I know what I look like. I know you were horrified when you saw me earlier. But that's okay. I'll be your lifemate and do whatever I can to please you. And I'll -" She swallowed. "I'll understand about the other women."

"Other women? There will never be even one other woman!" He set her back on her feet and tilted her chin up so she had to meet his eyes. "And you thought I was horrified by your body?"

She nodded. "I know you were. But I understand - really I do. Do you think I like seeing myself in the mirror?"

"You don't?" But obviously she didn't, or she wouldn't be saying these things. "Diana, I wasn't horrified - I was -" What word could possibly describe his feelings? He had to find the right one. "I was thrilled - and awed - and incredibly aroused. I've had dreams most of my life about my lifemate - about how it would feel to be with her, to touch her, to hold her - And when I saw your body, I knew - it was your body I've been dreaming of!"

A tiny gleam of hope appeared on her face, but she scowled and shook her head. "You can't mean that! I'm fat!"

"I do mean that," he said, but his words clearly didn't help. Suddenly, he knew how to persuade her. "Link with me, my lovely Diana. Look through my eyes at your body, feel how my body reacts to yours. Then you'll know the truth."

**

Could Win be telling the truth? It seemed like he must be, because if they linked, she would be right there in his head, experiencing the same things he experienced. He couldn't fake anything.

"Okay, I guess," she said. "But I'll still bond with you, no matter what. I know you care about me, and that's what really matters."

"I do a whole lot more than care about you," he said, and his voice was the low sexy growl that she'd only heard in movies. It made her insides melt. "Link with me, darling. Find out for yourself."

Linking this time was different. It was like sinking into a vat of warm honey, only the honey had feather-soft bristles in it that rubbed against her deliciously. She could stay just exactly like that forever.

[Oh, Diana. This feels so good.]

She wondered whether Win was feeling the same thing she was, and automatically, she was feeling the experience from his perspective. It was very similar, except that it seemed more overtly sexual.

[Now take your robe off. Please - don't make me wait any longer.] His whole body tightened, and she felt the control it took not to pull the robe away himself.

Her mouth was dry, so she swallowed, but to no avail. She could barely feel her hands as she slipped the robe off and dropped it onto the floor.

It was like someone hit him in the solar plexus with a sledgehammer! He didn't breathe for the longest time, and the desire and need she felt were overwhelming.

Through thought processes mired in molasses, he said, [Look at yourself through my eyes.]

She took a deep breath, then let her vision shift.

Was that her? Clearly, the answer was yes, but...

She wasn't slender.

But she wasn't fat, either. She was curvy and voluptuous and womanly.

He looked up at her face, and it was lovely. An angel's face, she felt him think. And her eyes - she caught countless memories of seeing their green sparkle in his dreams.

And then he knelt at her feet and raised his mouth to one of her breasts. He touched the nipple with his tongue -and they both caught their breaths.

In concert, they thought, How could anything feel this good?

And then he drew the whole nipple into his mouth and suckled it. The sensations grew more intense.

His hands cupped her buttocks and pulled her close. His erection slid between her legs. She felt his sudden urgency for more.

Would anyone disturb them if they made love right here on the floor?

Goddess's voice filled the Bedrock Vault. "All right already!"

"G - Goddess?" Dee asked. The link with Win dissolved, seemingly on its own.

"Mage Gwynvid - get your mouth off her breast!"

Win staggered two steps back. "Goddess?"

"Yes, of course. Who else would it be?"

Dee looked at Win, and found him staring just as blankly at her. She answered Goddess. "No one else. We're just surprised to have You speak to us."

"Well, I had to, didn't I? Otherwise, you'd be coupling on the floor like animals who don't know any better."

"We're not supposed to make love?" Dee asked. "But then why does it feel so good?"

"Of course you're supposed to make love," Goddess answered, sounding disgusted. "But not in the Bedrock Vault and not before you're bonded!"

Win's eyes grew huge and he swallowed hard. "Goddess, I'm sorry. I - I didn't mean any sacrilege - and I had no intention of..." His voice trailed off.

"Oh, no. Of course not. Luckily for you, I've been dealing with human males for millennia. I realize you didn't start out with that intention."

"I didn't, I swear, Goddess. I simply wished to prove how I feel to Diana." He glanced over at her and her stomach flip-flopped. [Did I, darling?]

"Do not mind-speak while I'm talking to you! It's rude. But Adept Diana, perhaps you'd be so good as to answer the question anyway. Do you finally realize that your looks are no barrier to the Mage's love?"

Her heart was warm where it had always been cold before. "Yes, I do," she answered both of them.

"Very good. Then perhaps we can proceed with My plan for you two now?"

Dee and Win both answered simultaneously. "Yes, Goddess."

"At last!" Goddess chuckled. "All right, then. Adept Diana, put the robe on again. I realize it's not much covering, but anything will help at this point."

She waited while Dee complied, then continued, "Now, both of you. You may ride up in the elevator together, but do not touch - and do not link minds. Your bonding must occur as soon as possible - however, I know how you humans are. You'll delay until Saturday, when your special guests can attend."

"Special guests?" Dee asked.

"My parents, and anyone you want to invite," Win answered.

"But can - outsiders - attend?" She'd like to invite Brent, but he would never understand about Goddess and the Balance.

Win nodded. "We'll have a nonreligious ceremony first, and a small reception. Then, you and I will go to the Ritual Ground alone to bond."

"Alone?" Goddess demanded.

"I meant without any of our guests - of course You'll be there!"

"Of course. I'm with you always - and don't you forget it. I will not stand for any sex play between the two of you until after the ritual is completed - and that includes mental as well as physical."

Dee nearly groaned out loud. Sex hadn't been good with Barry, so she wouldn't have minded that restriction until a few minutes ago. But now Win had showed her how good it could be...

Win's own struggle with Goddess's words was obvious by looking at his face. Finally he sighed. "Yes, Goddess. I know it is necessary."

Hearing the loss and yearning in his voice as he acquiesced to Her demand made Dee feel even more loved.

He would be a wonderful lifemate.

**

The nonreligious ceremony Win had mentioned turned out to be a legally-valid wedding. Ogma was a Justice of the Peace, so he presided over the ceremony. Win's parents were both there, as was Brent.

Brent hadn't been pleased to hear about the wedding. He thought it was much too sudden and was suspicious of any man who'd pressure a woman to marry her within days of meeting her. Dee had practically begged him to come today, and had explained to Win how important it was to her that Brent feel comfortable about their marriage.

But now, after the wedding, Brent's smile was genuine. "You two are in love, I'll grant you that. And I've never seen you look prettier or more happy, so I have to think maybe this will work out. But if it doesn't -"

He clasped her arm and leaned close. "If it doesn't, you call me. Anytime - night or day - and I'll come get you. I'll make Mr. Sayre's life a living hell, too."

She hugged him hard. "Oh, Brent. Thank you so much for caring! But Win and I will be very happy - you'll see."

"I hope so," he said, hugging her back. "And by the way, thanks for the intro to Ray Sayre. He's got some great ideas for the business - and with someone of his stature behind us, we're bound to make a go of it."

"That's wonderful!" She felt a weight lift off her shoulders. She hadn't been part of ruining the business in the first place, but she'd still felt somewhat responsible.

She watched Brent leave, her tears lessened by the excitement building inside of her.

What would their bonding be like?

**

Win wasn't sure how much more delay he could stand. The wedding and reception had lasted nearly as long as the three days that had preceded them. Now the bonding ritual was still between him and making love with his lifemate.

He struggled to keep his anxiety and eagerness inside as he and Diana rode the elevator down to the Ritual Ground. They both wore special silver robes - their lifemate robes, which they would wear only for rituals involving their lifemate status. What those rituals might be was still a mystery.

The elevator doors opened, and they walked down the hall to the Ritual Ground together, hands clasped. He led the way into the Ground itself, then cast a magick circle to surround them.

They both knelt in front of the altar, and he spoke. "Goddess, my lifemate Diana and I are here, asking you to bless our bonding."

"About time," Goddess replied.

He couldn't tell if She was impatient, angry, or perhaps teasing them, so he stayed silent.

"You're learning patience, Mage," She commented. "That's an important lesson - and the beginning of wisdom. And Adept, you begin to learn what it means to be loved. Together, you will serve Me well - and you will enjoy much happiness."

That sounded like She blessed their bonding, but he thought it was wise to remain silent and make sure.

Goddess paused, then continued in a more formal voice. "Your souls and your love are strong. They are what give you power - never forget that."

Before he took another breath, the Ritual Ground disappeared, and he and Diana found themselves naked and on a bed in one of the Stronghold's guest suites. Either he'd never seen this suite before or it had been decorated especially for their bonding - everything was silver. Shiny silver like aluminum foil covered the walls - the statue of Goddess on the altar was pure silver - and the sheets and blankets on the bed were made of silver fabric.

He reached for Diana. "I think Goddess is making a suggestion. She'd probably be mad if we didn't follow through."

[I know I'd be disappointed,] she replied. [Link with me, my love. Now.]

And then her mind reached for his, and their bodies merged. He felt every kiss and every caress not once, but twice. Once as his body experienced it, and then again as hers did.

For a few moments, he was afraid it might be too much. The human body wasn't built for such ecstasy. But then, his soul and Diana's met for the first time since Goddess had created them for each other.

Their souls united and became one. Then nothing could possibly be too much for them to bear. The double set of sensations coursed through their united soul, taking them far beyond the sum total of his previous experience with passion.

Their lovemaking continued for what had to be hours. Every time he began to tire, he became even more aware of Diana's enjoyment. And then, a new surge of love filled him, bringing with it more energy - and more exquisite satisfaction for both of them.

A timeless interim later, Diana looked up at him and murmured, "Oh, Win!"

He couldn't help crushing her in his arms yet one more time. "Diana, my lifemate - my love!"

He felt her begin to believe that his words were, indeed, true.

That was real magick.

THE END FOR NOW...

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