Payment Due [070-011-4.0]

By: Penny Jordan

Synopsis:

One plus one makes three!

All Tania wanted was a quiet life for herself and her ten-year-old
daughter.  But James Warren had other plans.  He was accusing her of
trying to break up his sister's marriage, and he was determined to make
her pay.  Yet it wasn't just revenge James had on his mind- he also
wanted Tania in his bed.

And he succeeded- because, despite his motives, James was really
Tania's kind of man- after which she became even more desperate to
prove her innocence.  For if she failed she would never gain James'
love and respect, and would be forced to bring up his baby--alone!


"Jordan's record is phenomenal' The Bookseller

UK 3. 10 ISBN 0263808378

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MILLS (sl B 0 0 rsT8

Makes any time special

PAYMENT DUE

BY PENNY JORDAN

MILLS (sl B 0 0 1ST ~~----^

CHAPTER ONE

there, that was the window display finished.  Tania climbed out of the
window and, opening the door, went round to the front of the shop to
stand on the pavement and study her handiwork.

With the children due back at school from their summer holidays within
a fortnight, it had all been rather a rush to get the shop open in time
to take advantage of the potential back-to-school trade in children's
shoes, but somehow or other she had managed it, developing along the
way a firmness that surprised even her.  But, as she had quickly
discovered once she had taken the decision to start her business, there
were plenty of people around who were only too eager to take advantage
of her naivety and inexperience if they could, often cloaking their
callousness in the guise of appearing helpful and concerned.

She had lost track of the number of people who had warned her that her
whole venture was a waste of time.  that opening a shoe shop catering
exclusively for children was madness, especially when she had chosen as
her venue a small Cheshire market town.  Everyone knew that these days
people u wanted to shop quickly and efficiently and that the places
they chose to do so in were the huge soulless shopping malls.

Tania had listened to them, but had stubbornly stuck to her guns.  She
was a mother herself and she knew quite well that when it came to
buying her daughter Lucy's shoes, she preferred to do so in comfort,
with the help of an assistant who knew what he or she was talking
about.  someone who had been properly trained to measure a child's foot
and advise on the suitability of the footwear needed.  And as for her
decision to start up her business in this quiet town; well, that had
been spawned by several factors, chief among which had been the fact
that the property she had inherited from her unknown great-aunt, which
had enabled her to make the decision in the first place had been a run
down old-fashioned draper's shop here in Appleford.

One of the most important lessons Tania had learned in life was to make
the most of the opportunities fate handed to her.  It would perhaps
have been easier to give in to the kindly pressure of her great-aunt's
bankers and to sell the shop as it stood, but she had seen in it a
means of escape for Lucy and herself from the life they had been living
in their small high-rise city flat with its lack of amenities, its
claustrophobia, its soulless concrete lifelessness.  She had taken one
look at Appleford, seen its small country town prettiness, its
surrounding green fields, its open skies, its children who enjoyed the
kind of environment she had always dreamed of for Lucy, and her mind
had been made up.

Since the only business she had any experience of had been gained
through her part-time job in a shoe shop in the city, it had seemed a
natural course of events to make the decision to reopen her great aunt
Sybil's shop, but as a children's shoe shop.

She had not rushed into the decision lightly, no matter what others
might think.

In the six months since she had received the astounding news that a
great-aunt she had never known she had possessed had died, and that she
was her sole heir, she had put herself heart and soul into making her
projected new business a success.

She had been on government training courses to equip her to run the
administrative side of her new business.  She had learned how to deal
with the various tradesmen whose services she had needed to transform
the decaying, run-down shop into the pretty bow-fronted eye-catching
emporium it was today.  She had tackled her great-aunt's bank manager
and persuaded him to advance her the money for her new venture on the
strength of the building, with the shop and its upstairs flat as
security.  She had even taken a course in the correct fitting and
selling of children's shoes, and through it all she had been praying
desperately that her venture would succeed.  So much depended on it.

Already Lucy was a different child from the pinched wan-faced
ten-year-old whom she had feared was growing up far too fast in their
potentially morally destructive inner city environment.  Perhaps it was
because she herself had grown up in the country that she had felt this
almost atavistic desire to return to the slower pace of country life,
to a more natural and less stress-inducing atmosphere.

It was too late now to regret that she had never known her
great-aunt.

No doubt she had had her reasons for not making herself known to her,
for allowing her to grow up believing herself to be completely alone in
the world.  A car accident had left her orphaned when she was twelve
years old-a vulnerable age for any child--and the abrupt change in her
lifestyle, from the only child of loving, caring parents to merely one
of many children growing up under the harassed and overburdened eyes of
a series of foster parents, had caused her to withdraw inside herself,
to become very much a loner.

Those years were now years she preferred not to remember, not to dwell
on.  Those years had culminated in Lucy's birth, Lucy who was so
precious and dear to her, despite the fact that at first she had not
wanted her.

She had discovered at eighteen that she was pregnant by a boy she
barely knew; a boy who had forced himself on her, practically raping
her, she had since realised with the hindsight of maturity and
wisdom.

At the time she had been too afraid, had felt too guilty, had believed
that she herself was too much to blame to tell anyone what had
happened.

They had met at a party; a party to which she had gone unwillingly with
a girl with whom she had worked.  She had left the foster home by then
and had been living in a cramped council flat along with three other
girls in similar positions to herself.

No doubt because of the various traumas of their lives, none of them,
including herself, had been the type to reach out to others, to make
friends easily, to trust easily, and so she had had no one with whom to
discuss the tragedy which had over whelmed her when she had realised
she was pregnant.

The boy whom she had only known as "Tommy' was someone she never wanted
to see again.  The shock of his possession of her had left scars which
had taken a long time to heal and by the time she had plucked up the
courage to confide in her doctor it was far too late for her to have
her pregnancy terminated, even if she had wanted to do so.

Then she had been desolate, anguished, frantic with fear and
resentment.  Emotions she had continued to experience right up until
the moment the midwife had placed Lucy in her arms.

Then she had known that no matter how difficult it might be, no matter
what she was forced to endure in order to do so, she must keep her
daughter There had been privations, hardships.  She had hated the
necessity of accepting aid from the state but had had no alternative.
Even so, just as soon as she could, just as soon as Lucy had been at
school, she had found herself a part-time job and somehow or other she
had man aged to make ends meet, but the pressure of her perilous
financial situation had been constant and draining.  There was no
relief from it, no money for even the smallest of luxuries or extras.

So many, many times she had looked at Lucy wearing the second-hand
clothes she had lovingly washed and pressed, and ached to be able to
clothe her daughter in things that were hers alone, ached to give her
the kind of treats Lucy saw being enjoyed by other children.  It had
hurt her sometimes to see the wistful longing in Lucy's eyes and to
know that it was out of:

 love for her, out of a knowledge that no child of her age should ever
have had, that she never once begged or pleaded for treats.  She had
not been the only single parent living in the massive, desolate tower
block of council flats.  She had made friends with several of the other
mothers, and she knew she would miss their down- to-earth company, now
that she and Lucy were finally established in Appleford.

Before leaving she had pressed upon them fervent invitations to come
and see her, anxious not to lose touch with the few people with whom
she had managed to form a genuine bond.

All of them had tragic, unhappy tales to tell: some of husbands who had
deserted them, leaving them with young dependent children; some who had
done the leaving, driven from their homes by men who abused them
physically and emotionally.  Some, like her, had found themselves
mothers virtually before they were adult themselves.  All of them
shared a gritty, fierce determination to see that their children would
not suffer as they had, to ensure that somehow their children would
inherit a better, wiser, more compassionate world.

Yes, she would miss their support, their friend ship, and they would
not be easy to replace.  She didn't make friends easily, preferring her
own company Another legacy from her past; a deep-rooted fear, perhaps,
of allowing herself to get too close to anyone because she feared the
eventual pain of losing them.

No, it was for Lucy's sake that she had taken this dangerous step into
a new world.  It was because for Lucy she wanted so much more than she
had had herself.  Not necessarily more in a material sense; it was
going to be a long time before the business allowed them to live any
more luxuriously than they had done in the city.

But at least here, with the clean, fresh air and the wide-open
horizons, Lucy would have the benefit of an environment a hundred times
better than the one she had had in the city.

Already she had told Tania in amazed accents that, in her new school,
there would only be twenty other children in her class.  In the city
she had shared a classroom with almost sixty other pupils.  Here the
children had access to playing fields, to tennis courts, to a local
sports centre, which, unlike the one in the city, was not a long bus
ride away through the heart of a city in which no sensible unescorted
woman walked after dark, and certainly where no mother could allow her
child to venture unprotected.

Yes, she had made the right decision, no matter how many people might
shake their heads and pre dict failure for her.

She might not be able to provide Lucy with the secure emotional
background that came from two loving parents who were committed to one
another and to the welfare of their children, but at least she was
doing the best she could for her.

And, anyway, marriage wasn't always the blissful self-fulfilling,
self-contained state of happiness and security those on the outside of
it tended to imagine.

Take Nicholas Forbes, for instance, her late relative's solicitor and
now her own.  He had a beautiful wife, the stepsister of a very wealthy
local businessman, two healthy children, a successful practice, a home
on the outskirts of the town in one of its most prestigious areas,
which Tania had heard a rumour had been given to them as a wedding
present by Clarissa Forbes's stepbrother, and yet, according to local
gossip, Nicholas Forbes and his wife were far from happy.  And it was
not only gossip.  Nicholas himself had indicated as much to her before
she could stop him and make it plain to him that the last thing she
wanted was to involve herself in anyone else's private life.  That the
very last thing she appreciated in any man was what was to her an
outright betrayal of the trust and privacy which should exist between a
committed couple.  Personally she thought it extremely disloyal for
one partner in a relationship to discuss the private problems of that
relationship with an outsider, especially when that outsider was not a
properly trained counsellor or adviser.  Besides, she barely knew
Nicholas Forbes.  As her solicitor, she had found his advice, his
willingness to put himself out for her and help her with all the many
small problems involved in setting up her small business, heart-warming
and encouraging, making her think that perhaps her years of
determinedly distancing herself from the entire male sex were now
something she ought to outgrow.  She had liked Nicholas, but not
specifically as a man.  She had liked him as a person, a fellow human
being, but sexually.  She made a tiny moue.  Sexually she was
completely immune to any and all members of the male sex and that was
the way she wanted things to stay.

She was an intelligent woman.  She realised that not all men were
necessarily like Lucy's father, that even he might have found maturity
and wisdom as he grew up.  But, despite her awareness that logically
not all men had to be disliked and shunned, emotionally and as far as
her body was concerned, physically, she only felt safe and in control
when they were held at a good distance.

She did her best not to communicate her fear, her dislike to Lucy.

Idealisdcally, maternally, she wanted for her daughter all that she had
not had herself and that included the self-confidence, the freedom,
the belief in herself and in others which would enable her to reach out
when the time came and to forge the kind of emotional and physical
bonds with another human being which she had never been able to.

For Lucy she wanted it all: happiness, success, security.  She would
never encourage her daughter to consider herself less of a human being
because she was female.  She would bring her up in a full awareness of
her own assets.  Most of all for Lucy she wanted the security that came
from knowing that she would never ever have to depend on anyone else,
either emotionally or materially.

Lucy was a clever child, a child who would do so much better in a
smaller school environment where she would receive more individual
tuition and attention.  She also made friends easily, something which
she herself had never been able to do.

She had no fears of Lucy being isolated or alone in their new home.

Already she had made friends with another girl whose family lived half
a dozen doors away.  Her parents owned and ran a local decorating shop,
her father was a decorator, and it had been he who had papered the
awkward-to deal-with ceilings in their own upstairs flat, cheerfully
managing the sloping ceilings of the old eighteenthcentury building.

Ann and Tom Fielding were a pleasant couple in their late thirties.

Susan was their youngest child, and had two older brothers, and,
although Tania had felt her normal reticence with Tom Fielding, despite
his genuine kindness, she had felt very drawn to Ann Fielding's warm
personality.

The couple had gone out of their way to welcome her to the local
community, giving her generous advice about her potential business and
making both Lucy and herself welcome in their home.  Their own shop,
unlike hers, was double-fronted, with a generous-sized flat above it in
which Ann Fielding had allowed her artistic talents full licence.

Tania had marvelled at the effect of her marbled bathroom, a painting
technique which Ann had modestly assured her was quite easy to pick
up.

In addition, their property, like her own, had a long rear garden, but,
unlike her wilderness, theirs was neatly segmented into a pretty
courtyard for sitting in, plus a well-maintained vegetable plot, the
sight of which had made her own fingers itch to get to grips with her
smaller garden.

Lucy was round at the Fieldings' now, and Tania broke off her
contemplation of her shop window, with its artistically draped 'branch'
and its tumble of fallen gold and russet leaves in shades that toned
with the display of winter brogues and boots, to glance at her watch.

Heavens, was it really that time already?  Lucy would be beginning to
think she had abandoned her.  The window display had taken longer than
she had expected, and then there had been that long telephone call from
a supplier.  It was time she changed out of her scruffy working jeans
and T-shirt and went round to the Fieldings.

Ann Fielding had very kindly invited both of them to join her family
for tea, an invitation which Tania had hesitantly accepted, not wanting
to take too much advantage of Ann Fielding's generosity and
uncomfortably conscious that as yet she was not in a position to repay
her hospitality.

In fact it was an invitation she would probably have refused if it
weren't for the fact that last night, totally out of the blue, just as
she and Lucy had been about to sit down, her solicitor, Nicholas
Forbes, had arrived unannounced and unexpected, explaining that he was
on his way past and had thought he would call.

Tania wasn't used to having men in her home and neither was Lucy, and
Tania had been conscious of a feeling of resentment and irritation
which she had tried to repress.  After all, Nicholas Forbes was merely
being kind, merely being friendly.  And yet.  And yet.  Was she wrong
in imagining that there had been something in the way he had eyed her
T-shirt and jeans-clad figure, something that, while not remotely
lustful, had not been entirely without sexual curiosity either?

She had come a long way from the inexperienced girl of eighteen who had
silently endured the painful fumblings of the much stronger and heavier
boy who had been her first and only sexual partner.  She knew a good
deal more about the human race now at twenty-nine than she had done at
eighteen.  Sex was something she avoided, something she had cut out of
her life.  She felt no sexual desire, no sexual curiosity, and had no
need of a man in her life in any sexual sense, and that was the way she
preferred it.

There had been men who had attempted to change her attitude, but she
had always firmly and determinedly rebuffed them, making it clear that
they were wasting their time, and she had no idea why on earth a man
like Nicholas Forbes with a wife as attractive as Clarissa Forbes
should show any interest in a woman like her, who could not afford to
dress in anything other than the cheapest chain store clothes, who
could never afford the money or the time to visit a hairdresser or
beauty salon, whose hands were serviceable rather than elegant, with
short unpainted nails--hands which were far more used to the hard
realities of life than the sensual pleasures.  Unless it was because
she was on her own.  She had come up against that particular phenomenon
too often and from too many unlikely sources to be naive about it any
more.  The most unlikely men could betray the most unwelcome sexual
harassment when it suited them.  There had been that teacher of Lucy's
who had called round to the flat on the pretext of wanting to discuss
her work.  There had been her superior at the shoe shop.  There had
been countless others, all of them no doubt respect able and
well-thought-of men, but all of them, as far as she was concerned, men
who were being disloyal to their wives and families, to whom they most
owed commitment.  Personally she could think of no reason why Nicholas
Forbes should want to spend time with her.  She was not pretty, not in
the way that his wife was.  Tania had seen her once when she had called
at Nicholas's office, bursting into the room and totally ignoring
Tania, and she was a pretty, fluffy blonde woman in her early thirties,
with a slightly petulant, spoilt expression and the mannerisms of a
little girl.

Tania hadn't been particularly drawn to her.  Just listening to her
pouting little girl demands as she persuaded Nicholas to agree to her
plans for redecorating their drawing-room had confirmed Tania's
initial view that as women they were complete opposites.  She doubted
if Clarissa Forbes had ever wanted for anything in her entire life. The
clothes she was wearing were expensive designer models, her hair, her
hands, everything about her proclaimed that Clarissa was an adored,
petted woman whose single most important preoccupation in life was
herself and her own needs.

She was barely five feet two with round blue eyes and a pretty-pretty
face, making Tania at five feet seven, with her thick, heavy mane of
conker-brown hair and her cheap cotton skirt and blouse, feel
uncomfortably conscious of the difference between them.  Perhaps
because no one had ever told her so, Tania herself was unaware of the
classic beauty of her oval face, with its high cheekbones and well
defined lines.  She had no idea that the length of her neck and the
fullness of her mouth gave her a sensual vulnerability that men found
fascinating, or that her lack of artifice, her inability to pretend and
pout, might be like a much-needed glass of clean, pure water to a man
who had come to feel sickened by the syrupy mock sweetness of a wife
who could turn into a virago the moment she was opposed in any way.

Because she had no wish to attract the male sex, Tania assumed that
they felt no attraction towards her.  Certainly she did.  nothing to
attract their attention or desire.  Certainly she never encouraged them
to believe that she wanted or needed them in any way, and, because she
was the woman she was, she genuinely had no idea that her very
indifference, her very lack of interest, only caused men to be more
attracted to her, more curious about her, more determined to breach the
walls she had so obviously put up around herself.  She had got rid of
Nicholas Forbes just as quickly as she could, firmly explaining that
she considered this particular time of day sacrosanct to Lucy.
Undeterred, Nicholas Forbes had offered to take her out for a drink so
that they could talk in private, but she had quickly refused.

She felt that she had made it more than plain to him that, while she
welcomed his conscientiousness as her solicitor, there could be no
personal relation ship between them, especially one that involved the
kind of discussions about his marriage which she knew could only lead
to problems.

Even if the kind of friendship he had been offering her had included
Clarissa, even if Clarissa her self had been willing to welcome her to
their circle of friends, which she quite plainly was not, Tania doubted
if she would have felt comfortable with them.  The Fortieses, while not
jet-setters, certainly had a very comfortable and affluent lifestyle.
Ann Fielding had mentioned in conversation that Clarissa's brother was
an extremely wealthy man and that through his various companies and
contacts he had put a good deal of business Nicholas's way.

"I was at school with Nick," she had added, pulling a face as she
commented, "Perhaps I shouldn't say so, but I suspect that, as far as
his marriage is concerned, he's beginning to discover that marrying a
rich girl isn't all a bed of roses.  Clarissa is very spoilt.  James
dotes on her and spoils her to death.  It's amazing how stupid even the
most intelligent of men can be, isn't it?  There's only three or four
years between them; James's father was Clarissa's mother's second
husband and both of them were killed in a skiing accident just before
Clarissa's twentieth birthday.  She went completely to pieces and
although legally she was an adult, James stepped in and virtually took
the place of their parents overnight, and he's gone on shielding and
protecting her ever since.  Too much so, if you ask me.  He's made a
rod for his own back in indulging her so much.  She's very possessive
about him, and I doubt if she's ever going to allow any woman he
becomes involved with to oust her as number one in his life, which is a
shame, really."

"Perhaps he enjoys their relationship," Tania suggested.

"Some men seem to get a kick out of keeping the women in their lives
dependent on them either emotionally or financially."

Her comment had earned her a shrewd, thoughtful look from Ann Fielding
and the comment, "Some do, yes, but I wouldn't put James Warren in that
class.  He's far too intelligent, too... too secure in himself
emotionally to need that kind of hold on another human being.  No, I
think he's simply grown so used to believing that Clarissa needs him
that he can't see the truth about her, and she, of course, takes good
care that he doesn't see it.  She isn't at all popular locally.  Most
people feel rather sorry for Nicholas, even though they also feel that
he's rather brought his own misery down upon himself.  Clarissa will
never be satisfied with anything that Nicky can give her, not while
she's so aware of the difference between the lifestyle she had with
James and the lifestyle that Nicky can provide for her."

"But they seem very comfortably off," Tania hadn't been able to stop
herself protesting, remembering the glimpse she had had of the brand
new mock-Georgian house she had seen through its encircling protective
trees, on the one occasion when Nicholas had driven her past his
home.

Personally she would have preferred an older, more established property
and certainly she doubted that she would have wanted the frilly festoon
blinds ;

describing so enthusiastically to her husband the afternoon she had
interrupted their meeting.  But Tania accepted fair-mindedly that
people had different tastes and ideas.

"Well, they are," Ann agreed, wrinkling her nose "But I suspect that
Clarissa stills gets an allowanc< from James.  Certainly she could
never afford to drive that expensive Mercedes nor to buy all those de
signer clothes, as well as keeping both boys at suet an expensive prep
school, if James weren't helpin them.  I doubt she even knows the
meaning of th word " economy".  They have a cleaner, and uriti the boys
were at school they had a nanny.  No matter how good Nicky's practice
is I doubt it runs to financing all that lot, and even the nicest of
men must feel the burden of having his wife's step brother have such a
large financial say in their affairs.

"Of course he's tied hand and foot, really.  Th majority of his
business has come to him throug.  James.  That's no secret.  I don't
envy him on iota... even if at times I do wonder what it would be like
to be able to go out and buy all three of mine new clothes at the same
time."

Ann had laughed unselfconsciously as she made this last statement,
causing Tania to warm to her even more.  Had she known Ann better she
might have been tempted to confide in her and ask her advice, but in
the early days after Lucy's birth being independent and showing that
she could cope by herself had become such a fierce necessity in her
life that she still found it very hard to lean on others, no matter how
sympathetic they appeared.

This feeling she had that Nicholas was perhaps being a little more
friendly towards her than was strictly necessary was something she
would have to deal with on her own.

With a little tact and diplomacy, it should not be too difficult to do
so, and, anyway, perhaps she was over-reacting a little, being a touch
too sensitive to what was really no more than genuine friendliness on
his part.

He had certainly neither said nor done anything to suggest anything
different, and she certainly had far more important things to think
about.  Such as her shop, for instance.

Another few days and the shop would be opening She felt her body clench
with apprehension and excitement.  She had taken extensive advertising
in the local Press, and she had timed the opening of her business well,
done all she could to ensure its success.  The rest was in the lap of
the gods and she could only hope mat they were disposed to smile kindly
on her endeavours.

With one last approving look at the window she turned on her heel and
opened the shop door.

She was just about to close it behind her where she saw that a man was
about to follow her inside For a moment, as she looked into his
unsmiling face, a tiny fris son of fear ran through her.

He was totally unfamiliar to her, dressed casu all in well-worn and
very faded blue jeans, and a short sleeved shirt that acknowledged the
heat of the glo nous summer they had been enjoying.  His dark hair was
untidy and ruffled and he had a smear of oil on one cheekbone.

Despite that, he had about him an aura of power and maleness that made
her hesitate and then flounder a little befon saying quickly, "I'm
sorry, the shop isn't open yet We don't actually open until
Saturday."

"So I understand."  His voice was cool, slightl) abrasive, and very,
very controlled, as though h( was extremely angry.  She looked at him
and discovered that he was She could see it in the cold greyness of his
eyes and the hard set of his mouth.  Her own eyes darkened from hazel
to tawny gok in recognition of her apprehension.

"Besides, I haven't come to buy shoes from you Ms Carter."  He
hadn't?

Then what did he want?  Was he some kind of local official?  Some kind
of planning official or someone whom she had unwittingly annoyed?

As she frowned her confusion, she said uncertainly, "I see.  Then...
then, why... why have you come to see me?"

"That," he told her curtly, 'is something I think we can best discuss
in privacy.  "

Privacy.  Her heart pounded.  Once, long ago, another man had demanded
privacy with her.  Lucy had been the result of her acceding to that
demand, and, while it was ridiculous to suppose that this man had
anything like that in mind, she still could not help the tremor of fear
that ran through her, making her tremble visibly.

"I... I'm afraid that's impossible," she told him huskily.

"You see, I'm just about to collect my daughter... perhaps if I could
make an appointment..."

He laughed harshly.

"Oh, yes, that would suit you, wouldn't it?  I wonder what's going
through that devious head of yours, Ms Carter?  Well, I'm sorry, but I
don't have any time to waste on conniving females.  All I want from you
is your assurance that from now on you will cease your relationship
with my brother-inlaw."

Tania's mouth dropped.  The man had plainly k her fear.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you," she told him crisply.

Really, what on earth was he talking about?  He must have confused her
with someone else.  That could be the only explanation for his
extraordinary behaviour.

She realised suddenly, her eyes rounding in shocked fascination, that
he had produced a cheque book from the back pocket of his jeans and
that he was nicking it open, his mouth curling disdainfully as he
derided, "I see.  Well, maybe this will help to convince you.  As you
see, I've come prepared, Ms Carter.  Naturally I didn't expect you to
cease your affair out of the goodness of a heart I'm quite sure you
don't possess.  Shall we say ten thousand pounds?"

"Ten thousand pounds..."  She felt sick with shock and pain.

"Not enough?  Well, I assure you it's as much as you're going to
get."

Bewilderment gave way to shock and shock to anger as she saw the look
of glittering contempt in his eyes.

"Get out of here," she demanded furiously.

"Just get out before... before I call the police."

She was speaking wildly, dangerously, her brain warned her.  The man
was plainly mad.  Who knew what on earth he might take it into his
head to do if she continued to threaten him?

She was shaking visibly as the adrenalin-fuelled fury pumped through
her veins.

"Very clever, but hardly convincing.  What exactly will you tell
them?

That I offered you ten thousand pounds to stop you breaking up my
sister's marriage?  They'd think I was treating you generously.  This
isn't the city where no one gives a damn how his neighbour lives.  I'll
give you twenty-four hours to think over my offer.  After that.  Well,
let's just say one way or another I'm going to make damn sure you stop
trying to wreck my sister's marriage.  "

Speechless with shock and fury, Tania watched in silence as he opened
the door and left the shop.

She was still standing where he had left her, bathed in an icy sweat of
reaction and fear when Ann Fielding walked in with Lucy a few minutes
later.

"What on earth was James Warren doing here?"  she asked cheerfully as
she came in.

"I know he likes to take a sort of patriarchal interest in everything
that goes on locally--that comes of being born into the town's founding
family, I suppose, but I shouldn't have thought a children's shoe shop
would be of much interest to him.  Unless..."

She shot Tania a shrewd thoughtful look, and then exclaimed in
concern.

"Tania... my dear.  Lucy, run upstairs and get your mummy a glass of
water, will you?  I don't think she's feeling very well."  Through
stiff lips, Tania demanded thickly, "Just repeat that for me, will you,
Ann?"

"Repeat what?"  her friend asked in concerned bewilderment

"Tell me again who it was who just left this shop."  Anne's frown
deepened.

"Tell you... Well, it was James Warren, of course."

"James Warren."  Tania's soft mouth twisted bitterly Well, no need to
wonder now whose marriage her unwanted visitor had been so passionately
defending.  Although she still needed to know exactly why he should
imagine that she had the slightest interest in either Nicholas Forbes
or his marriage.  Come to that, if he was so genuinely concerned about
preserving his sister's marriage, she was the one he ought to talk to,
because it was her actions, her behaviour, her habit of publicly and
pointedly underlining the differences between her stepbrother and her
husband to the latter's disadvantage which was undermining that
marriage.

"What's wrong?"  Ann pressed her anxiously.

"When I came in you looked so pale.  I thought you were going to
faint."

Quickly seizing on the excuse Ann was offering her, Tania agreed
tensely.

"Yes.  I think it's the heat."

"Yes, and this is an anxious time for you.  I're member what it's like,
and from when Tom and I first started up our business.  But I'm sure
you'll do well, Tania.  And if James Warren should take it into his
head to make you into one of his pet causes--' Tania laughed
mirthlessly, her lips tight.

"The last thing I want or need is any condescending patronage from
someone who believes himself to be the local lord of all he surveys.
Thanks for bringing Lucy back for me," she added curtly, her manner so
plainly indicating that she wanted to be on her own that Ann tactfully
said her goodbyes and withdrew.

Once she had gone, Tania stood staring into space.  James Warren.  So
that was Clarissa Forbes all- powerful stepbrother; a very formidable
gentleman indeed, but he wasn't going to intimidate her and the next
time he came round, making false accusations against her, she was going
to let him know in no uncertain terms just how wrong he was.

How dared he imagine.  How dared he suggest.  She frowned quickly. But
how had he got the idea that she was in any way other than in a
business sense involved with Nicholas?  There was only one way she
could find out, and the next time he came round here threatening her
she intended to have her own ammunition fully pre pared and primed. She
would ring Nicholas Forbes and discover just how his brother-in-law had
got the false impression that they were having an affair:

And what was more she would do it now, before the heat of her anger
cooled and she allowed rationality and caution to take the place of
righteous indignation and hot-blooded anger.

CHAPTER TWO

having settled Lucy in their small sitting-room and listened to her
happy account of her day, Tania went through into the room she had
designated as her 'office' and picked up the telephone.  Nicholas
Forbes's secretary sounded uncertain and hesitant when she asked to be
put through to him and Tania frowned over this abrupt change in the
girl's manner.  Normally she sounded breezy and cheerful, and she and
Tania had even got to the stage of exchanging the odd few seconds of
conversation.

Nicholas, on the other hand, was obviously pleased to hear from her.

Prudence forbade her to discuss James Warren's visit with him over the
telephone and so she asked instead if he could manage to find me time
to call round and see her.

"It is rather urgent, I'm afraid," she told him.

"No problem.  I'll be with you in ten minutes.  I was just about to
call it a day anyway.  Clarissa had a dinner party planned for this
evening and I promised her I wouldn't be late.  James is just back from
the States and so he'll be joining us."

As she replaced the receiver, Tania reflected that

 if she had been the one serving him the meal she would have made sure
it had a good spoonful of something bitter in it.  How dared he come
round here, threatening her accusing her.  leaping to the most
preposterous assumptions

Angrily she paced her small study while she waited for Nicholas to
appear.

She had been so looking forward to her new life so happy about it, and
now suddenly, like a dark cloud crossing the sun, that happiness had
been blighted.  Through no fault of her own she seemed to have fallen
foul of the town's most important and influential resident.  Well, she
didn't care, she decided mentally, tossing her head.  Let him do his;

worst.  He was the one who would suffer the most if it ever came out
how he had tried to bribe her, a totally innocent person, to give up a
non-existent affair with a man who was nothing more than he: legal
adviser.

Nicholas arrived ten minutes later.  Tania let him in through the front
of her shop and then led him upstairs to her study.  They had to walk
through her sitting-room to get there, and Lucy turned round, beaming
when she saw him.

Nicholas was good with children and they responded well to him.

Watching him as he listened PENNY JORDAN 37 to Lucy's excited account
of her day, Tania felt a small shaft of bitterness lodge itself
somewhere deep inside her.

Lucy should have had this as her birthright, should have had a father
to whom she could turn with her small pleasures and problems.  Tania
had never felt the lack of a man in their lives, but she realised Lucy
might feel differently.  The absence of her father was a subject which
was rarely raised between them.  At the large inner city school which
she had previously attended, single- parent children had been in the
majority, not the minority, and, although Tania had told Lucy as calmly
and matter-of-factly as she could the brief circumstances of her
conception, editing them so that they could be understood and accepted
by a small child, it was as though in some way Lucy had realised it was
not a subject her mother cared to discuss and had asked no further
questions.

Now, abruptly and painfully, Tania realised that in thinking their
lives complete and content she had perhaps been looking at the
situation only from her own point of view.  It had never struck her
before that Lucy might actively miss the presence of a male parent,
even though that presence was some thing she had never experienced.

Now, listening to her laughing and giggling as'd have made sure it had
a good spoonful of something bitter in it.

How dared he come round here, threatening her, accusing her.  leaping
to the most preposterous assumptions?

Angrily she paced her small study while she waited for Nicholas to
appear.

She had been so looking forward to her new life.  so happy about it,
and now suddenly, like a dark cloud crossing the sun, that happiness
had been blighted.  Through no fault of her own she seemed to have
fallen foul of the town's most important and influential resident.

Well, she didn't care, she decided mentally, tossing her head.  Let him
do his worst.  He was the one who would suffer the mosi if it ever came
out how he had tried to bribe her, a totally innocent person, to give
up a non-existeni affair with a man who was nothing more than her legal
adviser.

Nicholas arrived ten minutes later.  Tania let him in through the front
of her shop and then led him upstairs to her study.  They had to walk
through her sitting-room to gel there, and Lucy turned round, beaming
when she saw him.

Nicholas was good with children and they responded well to him.

Watching him as he listened PENNY JORDAN 37 to Lucy's excited account
of her day, Tania felt a small shaft of bitterness lodge itself
somewhere deep inside her.

Lucy should have had this as her birthright, should have had a father
to whom she could turn with her small pleasures and problems.  Tania
had never felt the lack of a man in their lives, but she realised Lucy
might feel differently.  The absence of her father was a subject which
was rarely raised between them.  At the large inner city school which
she had previously attended, single- parent children had been in the
majority, not the minority, and, although Tania had told Lucy as calmly
and matter-of-factly as she could the brief circumstances of her
conception, editing them so that they could be understood and accepted
by a small child, it was as though in some way Lucy had realised it was
not a subject her mother cared to discuss and had asked no further
questions.

Now, abruptly and painfully, Tania realised that in thinking their
lives complete and content she had perhaps been looking at the
situation only from her own point of view.  It had never struck her
before that Lucy might actively miss the presence of a male parent,
even though that presence was some thing she had never experienced.

Now, listening to her laughing and giggling as>u PAYMENT DUB she
responded to Nicholas's gentle teasing, Tania was struck by uncertainty
and apprehension.

Was Lucy perhaps secretly nursing a need to have a man in her life?  A
father?

"What's wrong?"  Nicholas asked her with urgent concern once they were
alone in her study.

"You sounded worried over the phone."

"Worried doesn't begin to describe it," Tania told him tartly.  She
took a deep steadying breath as she felt the tension build up inside
her and then said levelly, "I had a visit from your brother-in-law this
afternoon.

He seems to be under the misapprehension that you and I are having an
affair and he came here to demand that I stop seeing you.  He also
offered me ten thousand pounds to do so.  "

"Ten thousand!"  Nicholas whistled.

"Did you take it?"  Tania stared at him.  He was smiling but beneath
the smile she could see that he was ill at ease, guilty almost.

"No, I did not.  But that isn't why I asked you to come here.  What I
want to know is why on earth he should imagine that you and I are
having an affair in the first place, much less attempt to bribe and
threaten me into giving you up."

Nicholas had turned his back on her.  He picked up the paperweight on
her desk, weighing it absently in his hands, his movements jerky and
un coordinated.

"Nicholas, what is going on?"  Tania pressed, reading these betraying
signs.

"And please don't tell me you don't know," she added with dry irony as
she removed the paperweight from his hand.

"Be cause it's perfectly obvious that you do."

For a moment he was silent and then he shrugged and admitted
sheepishly, "I suppose it's all my fault... although I never
intended--that is, I had no idea that Clarissa would fire James up to
such an extent--' " Just a minute.  " Tania stopped him, curtly
frowning at him.

"You mean that it's Clarissa who has told her stepbrother that we're
having an affair?  But what on earth gave her that idea...?  Everyone
knows that you're devoted to her and--' " That's the trouble," Nicholas
interrupted her bitterly

"I've allowed her to make a doormat out of me for too long.  I'm sick
and tired of her carping, her criticisms, of being held up to
ridicule... of being made to feel a fool.  I've already told her that
if she doesn't love me any more then we should separate.  Even though,
for the children's sake, I feel... Anyway that isn't what she wants...
or so she says.  In fact, she got so wrought up when I suggested it
that I began to wonder if I could perhaps make her jealous, make her
believe that another despise me or constantly compare me with anothe:
man.  She's always had a very jealous nature... an it's obviously
worked better than I imagined."  Tania couldn't believe what she was
hearing.

"You mean you deliberately allowed Clarissa t believe that you and I
are having an affair, eve- though there's not the slightest truth in
such a suggestion?"  she asked, appalled.  Nicholas had the grace to
look embarrassed.

"I'd no idea she'd take things so far.  I didn't sflj we were having an
affair.  I just talked to her about you, told her how much I admire
you... You know the kind of thing.  I had no idea she'd involv< James.
I suppose I ought to have done, though She's forever running to him
with her problems He's more important to her than I am--' He brokt off,
flushing and biting his bottom lip, and Tania.

recognised that Clarissa wasn't the only one suffering from jealousy.

Something unpleasant and distasteful stirred dee] inside her at what
she was hearing.

"You'll have to tell her the truth," she announcec flatly.

"And you have to tell your brother-in-law a; well."

He had gone pale and was avoiding her eyes.

"I will do," he told her.

"But not just yet.  If I can just get her to realise--' " No," Tania
protested.  She was furious with him.  How dared he use her like this
and without either her knowledge or her consent?

"I can understand that you want to save your marriage," she told him
firmly.

"But I don't believe this is the right way to go about it.  What's
wrong with simply sitting down and discussing the whole thing honestly
with Clarissa?  Tell her that you love her and that you resent being
compared with her brother.  Tell her that you want to make a success of
your marriage.  After all, you've every incentive to do so, both of
you.  You must have loved each other when you married... you have two
beautiful children."

"One of whom was conceived before we were married," Nicholas told her,
astounding her.

"Oh, / wanted to marry her.  I was desperately in love with her, but
Clarissa... Well, I've never been sure whether she married me because
she loved me or because she was pregnant.  Sometimes I even wonder if
Alee is mine.  You see, she was involved with another man--a married
man--when we first met.  She was using me to prevent James from finding
out about her affair.  He's very strict about such things, very
moralistic."

Tania felt sickened by what she was hearing.  Mingled with that
sickness was pity for Nicholas, tinged with a little contempt, and as
for Clarissa.  "You're going to have to tell her the truth, Nicholas,"
she insisted curtly.

"Your brother-in-law has given me twenty-four hours in which to make up
my mind about his bribe.  After that if I refuse to give you up he
assured me that he will find some way of making me do so.

"He's a very powerful man locally.  I can't afford to have him as my
enemy, no matter what my private opinion of a man who accepts the
accusations of someone without making the slightest attempt to find out
for himself if they're true.  I can't help you with your marriage, I'm
afraid, and, to be honest with you, if you don't make sure that he
knows the truth, then I shall."

"I'll do my best," Nicholas told her, 'but it won't be easy convincing
Clarissa.  "

"Really?"  Tania was coldly, icily angry with him now.

"You do surprise me.  You appeared to have no difficulty in convincing
her that we were having an affair.  Surely informing her of the truth
should be even more easy?"

"I'll do my best," Nicholas reiterated, but, as she saw him out, Tania
wished she could have felt more confident of his determination to make
sure Clarissa knew and accepted the true situation between them.  As he
got in his car to drive away, she called out urgently to him, "So
you'll make sure she knows everything, won't you, Nicholas?"  The smile
he gave her was forced and painful, but she dared not allow herself to
waste any sympathy on him.  He certainly had not spared a thought for
her when he had so recklessly and unwisely involved her without her
knowledge in his private affairs.

She had gone from feeling sorry for him for the sad state of his
marriage to feeling that perhaps he and Clarissa deserved one another
after all.  She had nothing but contempt for adults who so cruelly
played childish games with one another's emotions.  Surely any good
marriage--any worthwhile relationship--demanded total trust, mutual
respect, mutual honesty, if that feeling that the human race described
as love was going to be allowed a chance to grow to maturity.

If the kind of relationship Nicholas and Clarissa shared was marriage,
commitment, then she was glad she had never experienced it.  But then
she thought of Lucy, Lucy whom she was perhaps unwittingly denying a
very important part of her growing up.  Would her daughter as an adult
have difficulty in relating to the male sex?  Would she have emotional
problems and hang-ups because of her lack of a male parent, a male
influence in her life?

Uncomfortably she dismissed her thoughts as un productive, but, later
on that evening when Lucy was chatting animatedly about her afternoon
at the Fieldings', describing to her how Tom Fielding was making his
daughter her very own personalised stencil for decorating her newly
painted bedroom walls, she wondered if she was being oversensitive in
detecting a trace of wistful envy in her daughter's voice.  Lucy's room
in their new flat, while a tenfold improvement on the claustrophobic
and damp room she had occupied in their city tower block, was as yet
undecorated.  Because of the necessity of opening in time for the
autumn term trade in new school shoes, there hadn't been time to do
very much as yet with the flat.  Once the shop was open and running,
then she would be able to turn her attention to making their new home
more comfortable.

She had plenty of ideas, plenty of plans, and, determinedly trying to
banish James Warren and his threats from her mind, she tried to
concentrate instead on discussing with Lucy just how they would
decorate her new room.

After Lucy had had her bath and gone contentedly to bed, Tania looked
around her sitting-room, mentally giving the plain walls a coat of
fresh sunny yellow paint.  A pretty stencil frieze around the top of
the walls would add a little individuality to the decor; she had taught
herself a good many domestic skills over the years, out of necessity
more than anything else, and she eyed their comfortable settee she had
originally bought second-hand, recognising that it was perhaps time it
had a new loose cover, perhaps in a plain damask this time now that
Lucy was growing up and the importance of a fabric which would not show
every mark was no longer essential.  Because her great-aunt had re
fused to modernise the building in any way, the flat still retained its
open fireplaces with their nineteenth-century fire backs

Worth a fortune now, Ann Fielding had told her enviously, and well
worth keeping.

In addition to its two good-sized bedrooms, the sitting-room, the small
room she had turned into her study and the bathroom, the flat also had
a kitchen cum-dining-room, but ultimately Tania hoped to ex tend the
rear ground floor of the building to provide Lucy and herself with a
downstairs kitchen with french windows they could open out on to a
small courtyard for summer eating.

That, however, was for the future.  For the present Grimly she stared
out of her sitting-room window, for once oblivious to the view across
the open countryside.

She was furious with Nicholas for involving her in what should have
been his strictly private affairs, and how on earth Clarissa could be
silly enough to believe his lies about her she really had no idea.  The
woman must surely realise how much her husband's Nicholas had implied,
almost pathologically so.  Tania frowned.  The whole situation repelled
her, especially those aspects of it which touched upon Clarissa's
relationship with her stepbrother.  Clarissa did seem to have an
unhealthy dependence on and absorption with her stepbrother.

Surely he, though, as the elder, as the sophisticated and worldly man
he was supposed to be, must have long ago recognised the dangers of
Clarissa's dependence on him?  Surely it should have been up to him to
gently ensure that his stepsister turned to her husband to satisfy her
emotional needs and not to him?  Surely it should have been up to him
to gently and painlessly put a proper distance between them.  Or was
she confronting just another example of the male sex's vanity and
weakness?  Did James Warren perhaps actually relish Clarissa's patent
adoration of him, despite Ann's denial of this?  Restlessly she moved
away from the window.  Twenty-four hours, he had said.  In twenty-four
hours he would return for her decision.  She wondered cynically
whether, once he had discovered the truth and his mistake, he would
apologise to her for his totally unfounded accusations against her.
Privately she doubted it.  He simply wasn't the type.

She doubted if he had ever admitted to a mistake in his entire life.

She went to bed early, worn out by the events of the day, acknowledging
how much strain she was under with the opening of her shop so imminent.
She daren't even allow herself to contemplate failure She had to make a
success of this venture.  For Lucy's sake if nothing else.  She had
seen already how much healthier, how much happier her daughter was in
their new surroundings.  How much less inclined to cling' to her.

In many ways it made her heart ache a little that Lucy should be so
willing to spend so much time at the Fieldings', but then she reminded
herself of how isolated she and Lucy had always been and how much this
had worried her in the past.  How much she had wanted security,
self-confidence, and happiness for Lucy.

It was a long time before she managed to sleep, only to discover in the
morning that not only had she overslept but she also had all the signs
of an impending migraine.

Mentally cursing James Warren and all his family, she hurried into the
bathroom to discover that she was out of the only tablets she had
managed to find which, if taken fast enough, sometimes man aged to keep
her migraine at bay.  She knew from painful experience that once she
let the headache take hold nothing would take it away.

Luckily there was a chemist in the next street, who listened
sympathetically to the reason for her early morning call and thankfully
was able to sup ply her with the drug she needed, although her errand
took rather longer than she had anticipated, principally because the
chemist was a friendly man who liked to chat with his customers.  Once
Tania had explained who she was he announced warmly, "Oh, yes, of
course.  My wife was saying only the other day that it was a good thing
that a decent children's shoe shop had opened up here.

She dreads taking our two into the city to kit them out for school.  A
proper nightmare, she says it is, so I expect you'll be seeing her once
you're open.  "

As a potential customer Tania felt she could hardly cut him short and
risk offending him, with the result that it was almost half an hour
before she was able to hurry back to her own shop.

As she went upstairs to the flat, she recognised that it sounded oddly
silent.  Normally as she opened the door she could hear Lucy humming or
talking to herself, but today everywhere was silent.

Her heart started to pound heavily.  She had al ways stressed to Lucy
how important it was that she never went anywhere without her; that she
never talked to strangers, much less accepted lifts from them, that
she never did anything or went with anyone unless she, Tania, had
expressly told her beforehand that she might.  Hurrying into the
sitting-room, calling her daughter's name, Tania came to an abrupt halt
as she discovered a tearful Lucy standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Darling, what is it?"  Tania asked anxiously, dropping down on to her
knees and gathering her daughter close in her arms, cradling her
there.

Where her own hair was conker-red, Lucy's was a slightly lighter
colour, more the shade of new chestnuts, silky and burnished, and,
unlike her own, Lucy's eyes were grey rather than tawny.  Now those
grey eyes looked apprehensive and guilty, and as she looked over her
daughter's shoulder, Tania saw the scattered shards of china on the
kitchen floor.

"I'm sorry.  I was just trying to help..."

Tania bit her lip as she recognised one piece of china.  As a special
treat she had recently given in to a reckless whim and bought a pretty
set of break fast crockery, a real luxury to her since in the past all
she had ever been able to afford had been cheap seconds, bought on
market stalls.

"I was just trying to make you a cup of tea," Lucy told her tearfully,
'but the teapot just sort of slipped.  "

The teapot.  It would have to be that, of course, the most expensive
item of the set.  But at least it hadn't been full of scalding hot
water when Lucy dropped it.

"It doesn't matter," she said as comfortingly as she could.

"Everyone has accidents."

And yet, even as she comforted Lucy and told herself that it was after
all only a piece of china, she couldn't help grieving for the waste of
money its destruction represented.  It wasn't that she was mean or
penny-pinching, it was simply that she couldn't afford.  She sighed
faintly to herself.  Perhaps it was her own fault.  Lucy was just at
that stage when she adored 'helping' and being grownup.  She ought to
have recognised the danger, ought to have waited a little perhaps
before giving in to the impulse towards such extravagance.

It was a day which seemed destined to be fraught with small
difficulties and snags, nothing to do, of course, with her own
underlying tension and the knowledge that, before it was over, she
would once again by confronted by James Warren.

After all, why should she feel apprehensive.  Apprehensive.  She
laughed bitterly to herself; sick with fear would be a more accurate
description of her feelings.  Not that she intended to allow him PBNNY
JORDAN 51 to see it.  Hateful man.  No, he was the one who should be
suffering, not her.

She even toyed with the idea of purposely disappearing for the
afternoon, but acknowledged this was a cowardly and pointless exercise.
She was not playing a point-scoring game against the man.

All she wanted was for the situation to be sorted' out and the truth
revealed so that she could get on with her life and her business,
without his unwarranted threats hanging over her.

When after lunch Susan Fielding called round to ask importantly if Lucy
would like to go back to her house with her so that they could both
watch her daddy making her new stencil, Tania was al most relieved to
see her daughter go.  Not because she didn't want her company, but she
certainly did not want her on hand to witness any confrontation between
herself and James Warren.

When three-thirty came and went without any sign of him she told
herself with relief that Nicholas must have revealed the truth and,
like the bully that he undoubtedly was, James was too embarrassed by
his own error to come round and acknowledge the wrong he had done
her.

Well, that suited her fine.  The last thing she wanted was to see him
again.  She still felt inwardly bruised and battered from their
previous meeting.

It was just gone four o'clock.  She was just about to sit down and
make herself a cup of tea to wash down the tablets her still-aching
head demanded when she heard the shop doorbell ring.  Immediately she
knew who it was, but, even knowing, couldn't stop the tension invading
her stomach as she walked towards the door and saw James Warren
standing on the other side of it.

For a moment she was tempted to leave it locked, but then she noticed
that one of her neighbours was watching curiously from the opposite
side of the road and so reluctantly she unlocked the door and stepped
to one side so that he could walk in.

"Very sensible," was his jeering comment as he followed her inside.

"Well?"  he demanded closing the door behind him.

"I do hope you've made the right decision, because, as I warned you
yesterday, I am not prepared to stand by and watch you destroy my
sister's marriage."

Tania stared at him, and then her heart sank.  Nicholas hadn't told him
the truth--either that or he had told him and he had simply chosen not
to believe her.

Tightening her lips, she told him coolly, "There is no decision for me
to make, since I am not having an affair either with your
brother-in-law or with anyone else.  I don't have affairs, Mr.  Warren,
and, especially, I don't have affairs with married men."

"No?"  His eyebrows rose, his voice dripping with cynicism as he
retorted, "I might be more inclined to believe you if you hadn't
already provided the proof of your own dishonesty by the fact that you
have an illegitimate child, father unknown--or so you apparently
claim."

The cruelty of it, the sheer ruthless brutality left her breathless and
speechless, her shocked expression alone betraying to him just how much
damage his words were doing.

When her frozen vocal cords relaxed enough for her to reply to him, she
did so as unemotionally as she could, her voice low and uneven as she
told him, "Lucy was conceived when I was eighteen years old.  A very
foolish eighteen years old.  Eigh teen-year-olds can sometimes be
foolish and naive.  Unfortunately, when they're female, that folly can
often have consequences that affect the rest of their lives."  She
ached to be able to throw in his face her knowledge that his own
precious sister had been carrying a child before she married Nicholas,
but she told herself that she was not going to demean herself, that she
was not going to lower herself to his level, and, as she held her head
high and stared bitterly at him, she had the satisfaction of seeing him
frown and check before he smiled dangerously at her.  He said softly,
"I see.  Nicholas has been doing a lot of unburdening of himself to
you, hasn't he?

What is it exactly that you're after, Ms Carter?  His money?  Without
my backing, without the business I put his way, he'd barely scrape a
living.  His lifestyle?  Again, without my help he couldn't afford that
lifestyle.  "

His cynicism stunned her and she reacted to it instinctively, demanding
huskily, "Couldn't it simply be Nicholas himself that I want?  Just
because your precious sister seems to hold him in such contempt, it
doesn't mean that I feel the same.  In fact, I can't imagine why she's
involved you in this at all.  After all, she's scarcely been giving the
impression of a devoted wife, has she?  It seems common knowledge that
she prefers your company to her husband's, that it's to you that she
turns for advice, for companionship, and, of course, for money," she
added sweetly.

She had the pleasure of seeing his whole face harden with rage and
distaste as he listened to her taunts.

He didn't like what she was saying to him; he didn't like it one little
bit, but then why should he expect to be able to stand there and insult
her as much as he wished, without her doing a single thing to
retaliate?  Let him see how he liked being insulted, being accused,
being humiliated.

"What exactly is it you're implying?"  he demanded savagely, so
savagely that immediately Tania panicked, fear swamping her as he took
a step towards her.  She could see the violence in his eyes, feel it in
the heat coming off his body.

"I'm not implying anything," she told him shakily.

"Nor am I relying on one person's idiotic assumptions and mistaken
beliefs to make accusations which are totally false.  The whole town
knows that your precious sister looks not to her husband but to her
brother, that she constantly humiliates Nicholas by comparing him to
you.  If he is looking for affection, for warmth, for love outside his
marriage then I doubt that anyone would be surprised."

"So thdt's your justification, is it?  It's all Clarissa's fault.  Have
you forgotten that they have two children, two children who need both
their father and their mother?"

"Just as my daughter needs two parents," Tania hurled back at him.

"Well, with my ten thousand you'll probably be able to buy yourself a
man," he told her cruelly.

"You are going to accept it, aren't you?"

Tania stared at him.

"No," she told him through clenched teeth.

"No, I am not and what's more I wouldn't accept it if you added another
nought to the end and made it one hundred thousand pounds."

"One hundred thousand.  My God, is that your price?  Well, let me tell
you--' " No, let me tell you," Tania interrupted him furiously.

"You come in here, threatening me, bullying me, accusing me.  I am not
having an affair with Nicholas.  And if you don't believe me try asking
him."

"I don't believe you," he told her flatly.

"And as for asking Nick... Well, for your information that was one of
the first things I did after I had managed to calm Clarissa's
hysterics.  Have you any idea what you're doing to my sister?  Have you
any idea of how delicately balanced her nervous system is?  She's
always been highly strung, vulnerable where her emotions are
concerned."

"Oh, I'll bet," Tania muttered under her breath, causing him to break
off and glare at her.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

Tania had gone way beyond the bounds of common sense or caution now.

"It means," she told him bitingly, 'that your precious stepsister is
one of the most convincing, most machiavellian women I have ever met.

And as for her nerves, my bet is that they're made out of reinforced
steel.

"If she's so desperately concerned about her marriage why doesn't she
try behaving like Nicholas's wife?  Or is it that both of you prefer
the present status quo, where she's married to Nicholas, but where in
reality you're the most important man in her life?"  Immediately she
realised she had gone too far.  His mouth went white with rage, his
eyes so dark they were almost black.

"My God!  How dare you make such a filthy accusation?  You... You talk
about Clarissa being conniving, when you can sling as much mud as you
like, but none of it obscures the fact that you have deliberately set
out to destroy my sister's marriage and one way or another I intend to
make damn sure you pay for that."

Tania couldn't believe that he had gone as she sagged against the wall
in relief.  Her body ached as though it had been kicked, the pounding
in her head had reached a sickly crescendo, and her heart was beating
so fast she thought she might actually start to hyperventilate.  Calm
down, she warned herself, calm down.  He's gone.  it's over.  He's
gone.  True, he had threatened her, accused her, frightened her.  but
what, after all, could he do?  She wasn't having an affair with
Nicholas.  She wasn't having an affair with anyone.

She remembered the insults he had hurled at her and a wave of sickness
overwhelmed her.

The stigma attached to Lucy's birth was some thing she had come to
terms with long ago.  Most people--the only people she considered worth
knowing--were far too generous, far too kind, far too aware to either
ask questions about Lucy's birth or to make assumptions.

And she was not the kind to make confidences, to explain or excuse
herself.  She had made a simple error of judgement.  She had looked for
love and found only lust.  She had behaved foolishly, irresponsibly,
but she had been very young, very naive, and, from the viewpoint of
eleven years on, she could feel only compassion and sorrow for the girl
she had been then.

If James Warren chose to revile her for that childhood mistake, that
error of judgement which had led to Lucy's conception, then let him.

It only confirmed her view that he was simply not a man she cared to
know, and, one day, she promised her self, she would give him the
pleasure of telling him so.

She after all had as much right to live in this town as he.  Her
roots--or at least those connected with her great-aunt's
predecessors--were buried deep here too.

Her inheritance, her new buaiuess.  these were her chances 10 make a
better life for Lucy and her self and she intended to do just that.

Nothing, no one--much less a man like James Warren--was going to
prevent her from doing so.

CHAPTER THREE

'nervous?  "

Tania gave Ann Fielding a tense smile.

"Yes.  Does it show?"

"Only a little Ann reassured her.  his precisely half an hour's time
she would be opening the shop doors to the small but important
gathering of local dignitaries and media people who had been invited to
the pre-opening cocktail party which Ann had insisted was de rigueur if
her business was to gain the maximum support and publicity-She had
objected that the cost of such an exercise must surely outweigh its
benefits but Ann had overruled her firmly, insisting that it was
essential.

She certainly hoped it would prove a worthwhile investment.  Nicholas
had laughed at her when he'd discovered she intended to prepare the
refreshments herself.

"Why not have them catered?"  he had suggested.

"Clarissa uses a very good local firm."  This apparently consisted of
two girls she had gone to school with who had set up in business doing
business lunches, dinner parties and the like, but Tania had shaken
her head, protesting that it would be a wasteful extravagance.  When
Ann Fielding had learned what she was intending to do she had fully
approved.

"Why don't you let me give you a hand?"  she suggested.

"I did a cordon bleu course in the early days of our marriage, before
Tom persuaded me that my artistic talents would be of more use setting
up the shop, and advising our customers on their decor."

She said it with a grin, but Tania wasn't deceived.  Ann was very
artistically talented indeed and Tania had marvelled at her interior
design skills when she had first been shown round their home.  She was
not surprised that Tom found his wife a very valuable asset when it
came to adding those all-important decorative touches to a client's
colour scheme.

It had been Ann who had gently suggested her present window dressing,
adding that she knew just the place where they could find suitable
birch branches, which later on could be sprayed with mock 'snow' for
Christmas and decorated with masks for Halloween.

Now, Tania surveyed the buffet 'table', which in reality comprised a
couple of trestles and some planks borrowed from Tom, covered in a pair
of old sheets to disguise them, with homemade garlands of dried
flowers decorating the table front, their colours in keeping with the
rich autumn shades of her stock.

Cleverly Ann had even suggested food on a similar colour theme,
laughing at Tania's awe, and explaining gently, "You'll soon learn.

Especially when you discover how much cheaper it is to do these things
yourself rather than hire an expensive window dresser, and eye-appeal
does make all the difference.  I couldn't believe the number of com
missions we got one spring when I decorated our main window as a
nursery complete with hand- painted mobiles and nursery rhyme scenes
painted on the walls.  It was one of our most adventurous schemes, and
one that brought in the most profit.

"Never underestimate the amount of money parents are prepared to spend
on their children, especially when it comes to doing the right thing
for their future health and development, and then, of course, at
Christmas you're bound to have plenty of doting aunts and grannies who
just can't resist buying their little darlings a pair of patent shoes
or some cute little baseball boots."

Ann was undoubtedly very shrewd and practical when it came to retailing
and Tania was grateful for all the help she was giving her, but even so
she could not bring herself to confide in her new friend and admit what
had happened with James Warren.

 i Was it because of her habitual and instinctive | need to remain
independent, a need that sprang | from a very real fear that once she
gave in to the ^ need to lean on someone else, no matter how ;

briefly, she would never again be able to find the strength to stand
alone; or was it because she was afraid that Ann might not believe
her?

Uncomfortable with such deep and potentially destructive thoughts, she
tried to concentrate on the buffet table.

A glass of wine, something to eat that had more eye-appeal than actual
substance, the feeling that people were privileged to be asked to
attend her opening, these were the things that would make her
pre-opening party a success with her guests and | guarantee her the
extra publicity she needed, Ann told her, and certainly looking at her
stockroom, for this evening transformed with clever shadowed lighting
and the discreet hanging of various fabrics | into a cosy
'drawing-room', there was no reason | why the evening should not be a
success.  :

Ann had even persuaded her to buy herself a new | dress for the
occasion; a ridiculous extravagance ; but one which Ann assured her
would more than pay for itself.  Another important tip, she had
insisted, when she had dragged Tania off to the town's small exclusive
 parade of boutiques, calmly depositing her own children and Lucy in
Tom's care.

"Look rich when you're poor.  It's essential.  Only the rich can afford
to dress badly and look shabby.  Here," she had added, removing a dress
from one of the rails, 'try this.  "

When Tania had eyed what looked like little more than a tubular hand of
golden bronze stretch jersey with distaste and doubt, Ann had laughed
at her and insisted, "It will look wonderful on you, believe me.  I
know.  And the colour is just right both for your colouring and for the
season."

Much to Tania's astonishment, Ann had been proved right.  The jersey,
once on, had proved to have a simple elegance that justified its
exorbitant price ticket.

"You'll more than get your money's worth out of it," Ann had promised
her.

"Once the season gets into full swing, you'll find you'll be wearing it
again and again."

"The season?"  Tania had queried, perplexed.

"The dinner party season," Ann had explained, with a grin.

"We're a sociable lot round here.  We have to be, after all.  It's up
to us to provide our own entertainment.  Apart from the local Chamber
of Commerce affairs which you'll be invited to attend, there'll be a
whole host of small dinner par ties, plus larger more casual affairs
for Halloween, Bonfire Night.  You mention it, we celebrate it."

"Oh, but I couldn't.  Lucy..."

"Lucy can sleep over with Susan," Ann had told her cheerfully, sweeping
aside her objections.

"Tom's sister's eldest girl is Studying for A levels and glad of all
the baby-sitting money she can get.  She's a sensible girl, too.  Not
the kind you'd fear to leave with even the smallest child."

"Mmm.  I'm glad you went ahead and got the earrings," Ann commented
now, studying Tania's appearance.

"That brief glint of gold when you move your head just sets off the
rest of your appearance.  Not to mention the fact that it adds a very
glamorous touch of mystery and allure.

"I suspect you'll find more than one father is going to be escorting
his offspring into your shop over the next few weeks."  She stopped
laughing when she saw Tania's expression, touching her arm lightly,
"What's wrong?"

"I'm not interested in married men.  I never have been and I never will
be," Tania told her shortly, adding, almost under her breath, "In fact
I'm not interested in men, period."

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend you.  Of course I never meant to
imply--' " Oh, it's all right," Tania told her.

"I'm just feeling a bit raw and sensitive at the moment."  She bit her
lip, wondering if perhaps after all she should not confide in Ann and
ask her advice, but then Susan and Lucy came bustling into the room,
eyeing the buffet table enviously.

Ann said firmly, "Now, you two, you both know we've made up special
plates of treats for your sup per provided you both behave well, and
stay up stairs."

"Yes, and I'm going to sleep in Lucy's bedroom tonight, aren't I?  I'm
going to sleep in the top bunk because I'm the eldest," Susan announced
importantly.

"And I'm going to help Lucy think up a stencil for Daddy to make for
her."

Over their head Tania gave Ann an embarrassed look.

"I'm so sorry," she apologised afterwards.

"I'll explain to Lucy that she can't expect Tom to make her a
stencil."

"Of course he'll make her one," Ann assured easily.

"And, what's more, you and I will paint it on her walls."

"I've already accepted so much help from you," Tania protested
shakily.

"I really feel--' " Well, don't," Ann cut in.

"After all, that's what life is all about, isn't it?  Helping others,
passing on kindnesses and favours... and besides, this relation ship
with your Lucy is good for Susie.  With being the youngest and the
only girl she's tended to be a little too docile and dependent.  I'm
only too delighted to see her coming out of herself and trying to boss
Lucy around," she chuckled.

"Now, we've got exactly ten minutes before they start to arrive.  And I
suggest we use it to close those butterflies of yours with a large
glass of wine..."

Perhaps it was the wine, perhaps it was the relief, perhaps it was
simply the warmth and kindness she could feel radiating out towards her
from the people around her, Tania reflected an hour later as she
allowed herself to acknowledge the almost beatific state of happiness
which she was experiencing.

Everyone had been complimentary about her new venture, promising
support and patronage.  Her window display had been admired, her buffet
eaten, her wine drunk.  The reporter from the local paper had promised
to do an item on her, adding that she would certainly bring both her
girls in for their school shoes.

"They're just at that age when they loathe anything of which I
approve," she confided.

"So I'll probably have to bribe them into accepting a pair of sensible,
suitable-for-school shoes with something a little more acceptable for
going out."

"I think we've got the very thing," Tania assured her, mentally
reviewing her stock.

She had anticipated that people would stay for an hour at the most but
as yet no one was showing any signs of wanting to leave and she was
glad that Ann had persuaded her to buy in those extra bottles of
wine.

Totally absorbed in her duties as hostess and in her anxiety for the
success of her business, she was completely unaware of how much she
herself was attracting people's attention.

Normally she dressed for warmth and practicality and so she was
oblivious to the fact that her slender elegant figure was causing quite
a stir among her male guests.

Others weren't, though, and more than one woman noticed approvingly
that, although Tania was stunningly attractive with the unfair added ad
vantage of a gorgeous figure, she was plainly not the kind of woman who
intended to capitalise on her looks, and that she seemed to prefer
female company to male.  Approvingly they decided that they need have
no qualms about including her in their social circles, dismissing their
initial wariness when they had discovered the newcomer was an unmarried
woman of twenty-nine with a ten-year- old daughter.

Everyone was entitled to one mistake, was the general consensus of
opinion, and those rogue males who had attended the party, in the hope
that Tania might be the kind of woman who enjoyed indulging in the odd
emotionless sexual adventure, soon realised that such hopes were in
vain.

The only person who had not put in an appearance at her party was
Nicholas, which in the circumstances was hardly surprising.  Naturally
he would not want to add fuel to Clarissa's fire by attending the party
and Tania was quite frankly relieved by his absence.  And then some
second sense made her look up just as the shop door opened and three
people walked in.

She felt the blood clog in her veins as she recognised Clarissa's
diminutive figure in between those of her husband and her
stepbrother.

She was clinging equally grimly to both dark- suited arms, her face set
in petulant, bitter lines as she said loudly, "Honestly, Nicky, I don't
know why you insisted on bringing us here.  Poor James will be bored
out of his mind.  I mean, what on earth interest is some poky little
shoe shop to us?"

Everyone had gone silent, but, instead of being embarrassed, Tania
found that she was actually coldly angry.  Very angry.

"Nicholas," she said smoothly stepping forward to welcome him, "And
you've brought your wife..."

Her tone indicated that Clarissa's presence wasn't entirely welcome or
expected, bringing a dark flush of anger to the blonde's face.

"Tania, this is James--' " Yes, I've already met your brother-in-law,"
Tania interrupted him carelessly, deliberately turning her back on
James.

"I'm afraid there's hardly any food left, although we can probably
rustle up a glass of wine."

Again she allowed her voice to indicate that it was immaterial to her
how affronted or offended they might feel at this offhand
hospitality.

"Oh, come on, Nicky," Clarissa raged immediately, her voice thin and
whiney.

"Don't let's stay.  It's the most dreary affair," she added spitefully,
glaring at Tania.

Nicholas flushed but stood his ground.

"You go if you want to, darling," he suggested quietly.

"But I rather think I should stay.

Tania is, after all, a client.  "

Tania held her breath, recognising immediately what he was trying to
do, and wishing that he had chosen anyone but her with whom to arouse
Clarissa's jealousy.

Indeed she was so cross with him that she darted him an indignant
sparkling look which was bodily intercepted by James who stepped
between them, saying coolly, "Since we are here, it would be churlish
of us to leave without at least inspecting Ms Carter's wares."

He was, Tania knew, being deliberately insulting.  She felt her skin
burn as his glance slid slowly and deliberately over her body, whilst
Clarissa said gleefully and maliciously, "Oh, I doubt she's got
anything to offer that would interest you, James.  James is used to
only the very best... of everything," she told Tania nastily.  Tania
stared at her.  She was almost shaking with fury.  Behind her she was
aware of people's covert interest and was only thankful that at least
they could not overhear what was being said.

"Really?"  she responded acidly.

"You do surprise me."  She had the pleasure of seeing Clarissa's mouth
drop open.  James Warren's spoilt stepsister obviously wasn't used to
people fighting back, she reflected grimly.  She was so used to using
her step brother as a shield--a battering ram--that she thought she
could hand out her insults with impunity.

"Nicholas, perhaps you'd help yourself to wine," Tania suggested
coolly.

"I must go and attend to my other guests."

She turned away from them and was astounded when Nicholas reached out
and placed one hand on her arm.

"You're looking very lovely tonight," he told her softly, but not so
softly that his wife and his brother-in-law could not hear.  Tania was
furious with him.  She pulled her arm away and hissed under her
breath.

"Stop it, Nicholas.  Save your compliments for your wife, if you don't
mind!"  But it was already too late.  Clarissa was glaring at her with
venom and fury, while James was regarding her in a way that made her
heart drop like a high-speed lift wrenched free of its moorings.

In the end the unwelcome trio stayed just a little longer than half an
hour, and, although Tania did as much as she could to keep as great a
distance between them as possible, she could feel James Warren's
concentration on her.  It created a prickle of unpleasant tension at
the base of her neck and made her ache to turn round to see if he
actually was watching her or if she was simply imagining it, but she
refused to give in to her need or to give him the satisfaction of
knowing how much his appearance had upset her.

He had threatened her and, despite her innocence, she was afraid of
him, she recognised.  It was almost as though the power mat emanated
from him're minded her in some deep-rooted psychological way of the
physical power Lucy's father had used against her when he'd compelled
her to have sex with him.  It wasn't that she feared James Warren in
the sexual sense.

Clarissa had been right about one thing, she reflected grimly as she
tried to concentrate on the conversation going on around her.  James
Warren would certainly curl up his fastidious mouth at the very
suggestion that he might want any kind of sexual intimacy with a woman
like her.  No, it was a different kind of fear: the protective fear of
a mother for her child when she knows that child's security is
threatened, the very natural fear of any human being when it knows it
is weaker than its aggressor.

She was afraid that somehow he would make good his threat and destroy
everything she was trying to build here, and, no matter how much she
assured herself that he wasn't God, that he wasn't omnipotent, it
wasn't until the three of them had actually quitted the shop that she
felt able to release a shaky breath of relief.

"Well, I never imagined you'd get a visit from James," Ann told her
admiringly.

"Of course he does tend to take a patriarchal interest in everything
that goes on locally.  Even so..."

They were on their own.  Everyone else had gone but Ann had insisted on
staying behind to help Tania clear up.

"Clarissa and Nick didn't seem too happy, did they?"  she gossiped
cheerfully as she gathered up the used glasses.

"Mind you, I'm not surprised.  He should never have married her.  She's
far too spoilt, and I doubt that she ever really loved him.  It seems
such a shame, though.

She ought to be idyllic ally happy--a good, generous husband, those two
lovely boys, a beautiful home.  "

"And a doting stepbrother, who's prepared to step in and wave his magic
wand whenever necessary," Tania suggested acidly, causing Ann to frown
and then grin.

"I think you've got your characters mixed up.  It's the fairy godmother
who has the wand, isn't it?  Al though, I grant you, James has been
very generous with her, which can't really help poor Nick.  James
Warren would be a hard act for any man to live up to."

"Really?  Of the two of them I prefer Nicholas," Tania said curtly, and
then bit her lip as she saw Ann's astonishment.  What on earth was she
doing?

Comments like that could only add dangerous fuel to the fire Nicholas
had so stupidly lit under her.

"You dot' Ann was plainly astonished.

"I think we've got all the glasses now.  Shall I wash?"  she suggested,
mercifully changing the subject.

CHAPTER FOUR

at the end of the week, the morning before her shop was due to open,
when a very good piece appeared about her venture in the local paper,
Tania recognised the wisdom of Ann's insistence on her pre-opening
party, and generously she said as much when she and Ann were discussing
the newspaper piece over a cup of coffee.

"Yes, it is good, isn't it?  Well, let's keep our fingers crossed that
your potential customers will be equally impressed.  By the way, I
wanted to have a word with you about the girls.  They'll both start
back at school soon.  How about me taking them both and collecting them
in the afternoon for the first week?  Just to give you time to get on
your feet.  I think that Lucy feels happy enough with us now not to
feel that you're neglecting her in any way.

"Once you've seen how the business is going to work, we can make some
other arrangements.  Our two are the only ones attending school from
here, so I'm afraid it isn't a chore we can share with anyone else."

"That would be great, if you're sure you don't

 u dnd.  I'm going to have to think about how I can 'ork things so
that I can get Lucy to and from chool, and it's been something that's
been worrying me.  In the morning it isn't so bad, but I 'an hardly
close the shop for an hour in the iftemoon while I collect her, and as
for letting her stay home home on her own, these days.  "Quite," Ann
agreed, adding firmly, "I don't even How the boys to come home on their
own, al- ho ugh born of them are beginning to pester me to How them to
ride their bikes to school.  Perhaps iext year in the summer when we've
got the light ivenings back... You never feel you can do the ight thing
by them, do you?  Too much protection nd you feel you're smothering
them, not allowing them to grow and develop; too little and... Well,
it's every parent's nightmare, isn't it?  And every time you open a
paper these days, you're conronted by the reality of children's
vulnerability.

"By the way, I don't know if you've had any thoughts about it yet, but
if you find you need a Saturday girl I'd like to suggest my niece.

She's helped us out in the past, and I can recommend her.  She's a
sensible girl, intelligent, pleasant.  "

"It is something I've been considering," Tania agreed.

"But I want to see how business goes first."

They parted ten minutes later when Ann anounced that it was her day for
doing her large supermarket shop.  She groaned as she picked up her
jacket.

"I dread it."

The too," Tania agreed.

"And I always end up with a trolley which has four wheels that all want
to go in opposite directions."  After Ann had gone, she reread the
article, but the warm glow of elation it gave her soon faded as her
mind returned to the unpleasant scene with Nicholas and his family.

She could understand his feelings, but she wished he had thought of
using someone else to bait his trap with.  Surely Clarissa must have
girlfriends whom he could equally effectively have used?  Maybe he
could even have persuaded one of them to play along with him in the
knowledge that ultimately they would be helping their friend's marriage
to grow and strengthen.

This involvement in someone else's life was a complication she just
didn't want.  Especially when it was going to bring her into
confrontation with James.

At the party, when he had looked at her in that cold, contemptuous way,
his eyes bleak and grim, she had been surprised to discover just how
unpleasant his cold-eyed scrutiny had felt.  She tried to shrug the
knowledge aside.

It was true that it was unusual for her to react so intensely to a
stranger's opinion of her.  She had learned very young to cut herself
off from the negative emotions of others.  She had had to when she was
pregnant with Lucy.  She had been subjected to so much disapproval
then, so much anger and criticism.

The authorities, no doubt with mainly altruistic motives, and in the
knowledge of the problems ahead of her, had tried to persuade her to
have Lucy adopted.  She well remembered the anger and disbelief which
had taken the place of the earlier avuncular if slightly condescending
kindness of her male doctor when she had refused to accept his
advice.

She would be facing many many problems if she went ahead and brought
Lucy up alone and she would be facing them alone, he had warned her
severely.  She had remained stubbornly silent, reflecting that she was
used to facing life's problems on her own and that he was wrong.  She
would not be alone.  She would have her child.

Perhaps the attitudes she had come across then had left a message
indelibly printed across her brain that other people's disapproval was
something she must learn to live with.  Certainly she was not used to
reacting to it in the way she was reacting to James Warren's.  Was it
perhaps because she knew she was being unjustly accused, that his
opinion of her was completely erroneous and unfounded?  But why should
that bother her7 He wasn't a man she knew or was likely to know in any
personal sense.  He wasn't anyone who was likely to play an important
role in her life, so his opinion of her whether good or bad scarcely
merited the mental attention she was giving it.

Was she really afraid that as someone of importance locally he could if
chose adversely affect the success of her business?

Yes, that was probably it, she told herself thank fully.  It was silly
to allow herself to feel that her feelings were involved on a more
personal level, that his disapproval touched upon her deepest-held
convictions about herself as a human being, as a woman.  That in
falsely accusing her he was some one leaving her defiled emotionally in
the same way that Lucy's father had left her feeling defiled
physically.

She had long ago come to accept that while her one and only sexual
experience had been unpleasant it was not necessarily indicative of the
attitude of the entire male sex.  In fact whenever she came across a
couple like Ann and Tom she discovered within herself a small ache of
regret that fate had not allowed her the time to.  discover that the
world held men who treated their sexual partners with respect and
generosity.  Lucy's birth and her struggle of support them both had
left her with neither the time nor the inclination to admit anyone else
to heir small and enclosed world.  For a long time she had been highly
suspicious >f all men, and then by the time she had grown hrough that
and occasionally allowed herself to ac- cpt the odd date with the men
who asked her out he had been wary of allowing herself to get inolved,
having seen the effect of any such often smporary relationships on the
children of other sin- le mothers.  She didn't want that kind of pain
for Lucy.

She Udn't want her daughter giving her love and trust :o some man,
substituting him for the father she had lever known, only to have to go
through the trauma of losing him when his relationship with Tania came
to an end.  And pleasant though her odd dates had been there had never
been anything about the Then concerned to make her want to continue the
relationship.  She had long ago come to the conclusion that she had a
very low sex drive, or that she had been so traumatised by Lucy's
conception that her natjral female instincts had been effectively
countered.  Occasionally, though, when she was watching a EUm or
reading a book, something in the relation hip between the two lovers
would affect her so deeply that she was left with a tiny ache of pain
and loneliness, an indistinct longing for something she had never
personally experienced but which she knew instinctively must exist.

That was natural enough and acceptable if some what uncomfortable.

What galled her now though was that there had been a moment, a second
or so, the briefest span of time the other night when she had looked at
James Warren, had unwittingly focused on the shape and curve of his
mouth and for some reason had experienced the shattering discovery that
there was a dangerous and perverse curiosity inside her to experience
the sensation of that hard mouth moving against her own.

She had shut herself off from such thoughts immediately, physically
taking a step back from her antagonist as she fought to subdue her
shocked out rage.

It was almost in some way as though he had practised black magic
against her and put those thoughts into her mind against her will.

And yet when she recalled them now there was still that tiny
involuntary curl of sensation in the pit of her stomach, that unwanted
and far too enlightening pulse of awareness.  How could she feel desire
for a man like James Warren?  Had her body run mad?

Firmly telling herself that what she was ex peri dicing was
undoubtedly some kind of hormonal aberration, some kind of reaction to
the stress and anxiety of these last weeks which had found a focus in
James Warren because of his threats against her, she reminded herself
that she had work to do, and that the order which had arrived this
morning still had to be unpacked and stored away, and that, moreover,
she had promised herself that she would spend the afternoon with
Lucy.

She had planned to take her for a walk.  The fresh air would do them
both good.

She wasn't sure whether to feel chagrin or amusement later in the day
when she informed Lucy of her plans and got an unenthusiastic
response

"I was going to go round and play with Susan," Lucy objected.

"You can play with her tomorrow," Tania're minded her.  So much for her
fears that Lucy might be beginning to feel resentful of the time the
shop was demanding and neglected because of it.

"Susan goes swimming every Friday night," Lucy informed her
wistfully.

"They all go.  Mr.  Fielding takes them.  I expect he'd take me too."

"Not this week," Tania told her firmly.

"If you want to go swimming you and I could go this afternoon."

"It's not the same," Lucy told her.

"There won't be anyone there for me to play with."

Telling herself that her daughter was still very much in the honeymoon
stage of her new friend ship, and that surely after a while she would
cease to compare everything Susan's family did with their own lifestyle
to its detriment, Tania suggested pa- cifyingly, "Well, we'll go for a
walk instead, shall we?  We haven't had much time to explore yet, have
we?"

She had already bought a local map with all the public footpaths marked
on it.

It was a warm day with the leaves just beginning to turn, a reminder of
the dry summer they had had, Tania reflected later as she and Lucy got
out of the car and headed for their chosen footpath.  The local
conservation society was keen to keep the local footpaths open and well
used, Ann had informed her, and here on the edge of the town was a
small and very tidy parking area with a very clear map of the locality
and its footpaths.

The one Tania had chosen followed the path of the river and then cut
across a couple of fields, bringing them back to their starting
point.

Although initially Lucy had been unenthusiastic about their walk, once
they set out she soon began to chatter happily, asking a dozen or more
questions in the first ten minutes, causing Tania to stop and consult
her local guide so that she could answer them.  It was Lucy who first
spotted the otter as he swam towards his nest in the riverbank, her
delight in their sighting of the sleek, playful creature banishing her
earlier sulks.

In the distance, half a mile or so from the riverbank, almost hidden in
an encircling band of trees, stood a house with tall twisted chimneys.
Through the turning leaves Tania could see the rosy glow of its brick
walls and she sighed a little enviously, recognising the age and charm
of the building.

It looked a perfect family home.  Old and rambling, but not too
large;

perhaps originally it had been a small manor house or a prosperous
farm.  She was just wondering idly about its past when Lucy tugged on
her arm and said eagerly, "Look, Mum."

A liver and white spaniel was rushing excitedly towards them along the
footpath.

Lucy, who loved dogs, hurried eagerly towards it, and while dog and
child recognised one another in mutual approval and delight, Tania
heard a stern male voice calling firmly, "Rupert, here..."  She froze
as she recognised it, her body tense and alert even before James Warren
strode round the corner and stopped abruptly.

"I'm sorry," he began to apologise curtly, halting as he recognised
her.

"Rupert is inclined to behave badly at times.  I hope he didn't alarm
you."  Polite words--but that was all they were.  He stopped speaking,
his frown lifting as Lucy put her arm around the dog and whispered
enviously, "Isn't he lovely.

Mum.  I wish we had a dog.  "

Tania sighed.  They had been through this in the past.  Then it had
been impossible for them to own a dog, but now.  Maybe in the spring
when she knew how the business was going, and things were a little more
settled, but it would have to be a more placid breed than this
attractive but quite obviously scatty spaniel.

"You like dogs, do you?"  James was asking Lucy, squatting down beside
her and giving her a smile of such warmth that for some reason Tania
felt as though she had been suddenly left outside a special and very
charmed circle.  He would never smile at her like that, she recognised
bleakly, and then bit her Up, worrying at it physically in the way her
brain was worrying at the danger of such a line of thought.  When she
stepped forward and said briskly, "Come along, Lucy, we don't want to
delay Mr.  Warren," her voice was more curt than she had in tended.

Lucy looked up at her, puzzled and a little hurt at being so summarily
dragged away from her new friends.  The spaniel seemed equally
reluctant to depart, turning huge mournful eyes in Lucy's direction and
giving a tiny, wistful howl.

"Definitely a case of love at first sight," James Warren murmured drily
to her.

"Then it's a love-affair that's doomed to be blighted, isn't it?"

Tania told him bitingly.

His eyebrows rose.  He studied her for a moment in a rather
disconcerting manner and then said in a clipped voice, "I'm delighted
if somewhat surprised that you appear to think so.  This dog belongs to
Nicholas, or rather to his sons.  I'm merely exercising him for
Clarissa and trying to inst il some manners in him, since her husband
doesn't appear to have the time to do so.  But perhaps now that you
appear to have taken my advice Nicholas will be spending a little more
time with his wife and family."

Tania stared at him.  Did he really believe she was the kind of woman
who would be impressed by his .  his threats.  Did he really believe
that if she had actually committed herself to Nicholas she would allow
him to change her mind?

Too angry to respond to him, she called abruptly to Lucy, waiting while
her daughter disentangled herself from the spaniel and then quickly
hurrying her back along the path before she could give vent to the
emotions boiling up inside her.

"Who was that, Mum?"  Lucy insisted on asking her once they were out of
sight of both James and the dog.

"He's James Warren," Tania told her.

"Nicholas's brother-in-law."

"I

liked him," Lucy told her, adding coaxingly, " I liked Rupert too.

Mum, do you think now that we're living here and-- ?  "

"We'll see," Tania interrupted her firmly, knowing quite well what was
coming.

"A

dog is a big responsibility, Lucy.  Once you've settled at school and
we've seen how the shop's coming along, then we can think about taking
on a puppy.  "

She had always had a policy of wherever possible explaining her
decisions to Lucy and never simply stating them without any
explanation.  Now she was rewarded with a faint sigh but with Lucy's
genuine acceptance of her decision.

"How's it going?  I've left the girls with Tom and the boys are playing
football.  I'm supposed to be in charge of the shop, but I've slipped
out for a few minutes just to see how you're doing.  Whoops!  Better
leave you to it."  Ann laughed as a customer came up to Tania firmly
dragging a small dungaree- clad child with her.

The shop had been open for three hours, and so far Tania had been
busier than she had hoped or expected.

There had been a constant stream of people in the shop, most of them
serious buyers rather than browsers, all of them expressing delight and
approval when she was able to offer them a selection of the kind of
shoes for which they were looking.

More than one mother ended up buying not only a pair of sensible,
sturdy school shoes for her child, but a pair of the attractive and
equally well-fitting continental 'fashion' footwear that Tania had
taken a gamble on stocking.

Although inclined to be expensive, this footwear had a bright
stylishness which couldn't fail to appeal to her young customers.  If
this present rush continued her only problems were going to be
restocking and finding another pair of hands to help her take care of
her customers, Tania reflected, as Ann reminded her that she was
available to take over for an hour or so at lunchtime if Tania felt she
needed a break.

Tania doubted that she would; so far she felt as though she was riding
a wave of boundless energy and excitement, fuelled no doubt by the
constant procession of eager customers in and out of the shop.  At
twelve o'clock Ann arrived as she had promised The shop was still full
and she signalled to Tania that she would wait, when she realised that
Tania was dealing with a customer.  The woman had just paid her bill
and was on the point of departing with her purchases when the shop door
opened, and when she looked up Tania saw Clarissa Forbes walking in,
accompanied by two boys who were obviously her sons.

Watching discreetly as Clarissa prowled aggressively round the shop,
disturbing the displays and disparaging her stock in a voice which
Tania suspected was deliberately intended to carry, Tania felt her
stomach muscles clench in a mixture of anger and dread.  Eventually
Clarissa sat down, but Tania was al ready dealing with an enquiry from
a rather harassed woman who was nervously asking if she could possibly
recommend a good shoe for her daughter that cost under thirty pounds.

It was obvious that the other woman was not well off and moreover that
she felt uncomfortable, and, remembering her own days of pinching and
scraping of wanting to do her best for Lucy and yet knowing she had
such limited resources, Tania was deliberately kind and reassuring as
she explained that she was carrying a range of very good children's
shoes which were reasonably priced and yet which at the same time paid
attention to such important details as fitting and width.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Clarissa growing
increasingly impatient, but she refused to allow herself to be affected
by her rudeness.

Ann, realising what was happening, stepped forward to try and help
Clarissa, but she said rudely, "No, you can't help me.  What do you
know about fitting shoes?  I want the manageress."

Even the way she described her was somehow derogatory, Tania seethed,
when she was eventually free to go over and ask how she could help.

She was half prepared for it, when, after insisting on trying virtually
every style in the shop, much to her two sons' obvious embarrassment,
Clarissa announced loudly that she had nothing of anything like a
suitable quality.

Behind her Tania heard the shop door open, and Clarissa, who was facing
it, bent down and picked up a pair of shoes which had been left there
by a previous customer and which were obviously not the right size for
either of her two boys, and before Tania could stop her, she insisted
on trying to cram one of them on to her elder son's feet, crying out
shrilly, "Oh, for heaven's sake, you stupid woman, anyone can see that
it won't fit.  Really, this is ridiculous... I thought you people were
supposed to be properly trained."  She got to her feet, sweeping aside
several shoe boxes, her face set in tight lines of anger as she
exclaimed, "James, it's no use.  We'll have to go to Chester.  I know
you believe in patronising local business, but this woman is so in
efficient."  The shop was busy with potential customers.  Tania knew
that her face was flushed with anger and embarrassment, and the very
last thing she needed was to discover that James Warren was standing
right behind her, silently observing his stepsister's horrible
behaviour.  Just for a minute, Tania found that she was trembling on
the verge of losing her temper and telling him just exactly how
disruptive Clarissa was trying to be, and then she recognised that it
would be a complete waste of time, that he would be bound to support
his stepsister, to encourage her even.

Ignoring Tania, frowning slightly as he took in the whole scene, James
Warren enquired firmly, "Where's Nicholas?  I thought he was going to
take you and the boys out today."

"Oh, you know Nicky," Clarissa said spitefully.

"He's far too busy to bother with us.  And as to where he is, why don't
you ask Ms Carter here?  I'm sure she has far more idea than I."

Aware of the amount of speculation and curiosity they were attracting,
Tania said, as quickly and neutrally as she could, "I'm sorry if we
can't help you, Mrs.  Forbes."  But it was obviously the wrong thing to
do, because, as James extended his hand towards her, Clarissa turned to
Tania and hissed bitterly, "Oh, I'll just bet you are.  Just as you're
sorry that you're having an affair with my husband."

Tania gasped, unable to stop herself, thankful that no one else
appeared to have overheard Clarissa's whispered jibe.  No one else
apart from James Warren, that was, who was now regarding her with cold
dislike.

"It's no good, James.  She's absolutely refused to give him up,"
Clarissa told her stepbrother.  There were tears in her eyes, her face
a tragic mask of pain and misery.  If she hadn't known better, Tania
might almost have felt genuine pity for her.  She opened her mouth to
announce that she had said no such thing and then closed it again.

She was not going to get embroiled.  She was not going to lower herself
to their level.  She was not going to be contaminated by their lies and
deceit.

She stared proudly, haughtily almost at James, challenging him with her
gaze.

For a moment she thought he was going to retaliate; to say something,
make another threat perhaps, but, to her astonishment and relief, he
seemed to change his mind, touching Clarissa firmly on the arm and
drawing her away towards the door.

Instinctively Tania followed them there, anxious for them to be gone,
and then wished she hadn't as James opened the door for Clarissa and
his nephews and then turned to her and said emotionlessly, "It seems
you're determined to ignore my warnings.  I only hope you're fully
prepared to meet the con sequences, and, while you're thinking about
that, perhaps you might spare a thought for them as well," he suggested
grimly, nodding in the direction of the two young boys.

Tania pressed her lips together, willing herself to bite back the
retorts clamouring for utterance.  What was the use of attempting to
defend herself?  He wouldn't believe her.  He wouldn't want to believe
her.

She turned back to the shop, firmly going for ward to attend to another
customer, refusing to al low herself to give in to the shaky malaise
that was pervading her.

Only when the shop was finally empty did Ann finally come across and
ask anxiously, "What on earth was all that about?"  Tania was too
exhausted to dissemble.

"Clarissa Fortes thinks I'm having an affair with Nicholas," she told
her tiredly.

"She thinks whatT Ann was so plainly astounded, so plainly disbelieving
that Tania felt a little of the heaviness of her burden lift.

"Ridiculous, isn't it," she agreed.

"He's my solicitor, that's all."

"Well, if I were James I'd be seriously concerned about that sister of
his," Ann said roundly.

"She's always been inclined to jealousy, especially where James is
concerned, but to leap to that kind of assumption with nothing to back
it up... She's al ways been the highly strung type, given to hysterics
and dramatics."

It isn't entirely her fault," Tania felt bound to say, suddenly feeling
a need to unburden herself.

"Nicholas is partly to blame."

Reluctantly she explained what he had done.

"He deliberately told her that you and he... With out saying a word to
you..."  Ann compressed her mouth.

"Stupid man.  He should have known how she'd react."

"I've told him that he must tell her the truth, but apparently she
refused to believe him," Tania told her.

"Well, yes, she would, but surely James could convince her...?"  Tania
was silent for so long mat Ann frowned and asked softly, "What is it?

What have I said?  "

"Nothing, really.  It's just that he doesn't believe Nicholas either.
He came round here the other day and virtually threatened to ruin my
business if I wouldn't give Nicholas up."

"He whati Oh, I can't believe it!"

"Well, it's true," Tania told her defensively.  Ann looked at her for a
moment and then admitted "Well, of course, he has always been extremely
protective of Clarissa.  There was a lot of gossip when their parents
died; whispers that Clarissa had had a complete breakdown.  She's that
type, of course, and I suppose if it's true James would want to protect
her from any kind of emotional anxiety, but, really, the remedy lies in
her own hands.  Much as I deplore Nicholas's methods, there's no doubt
she hasn't treated the poor man very well."

"No," Tania agreed shortly.

"But I can't help wishing that he'd found someone else to use as his
supposed " lover".  I'm worried, Ann," she admitted huskily, surprised
to hear herself saying the words, when she had always been so cautious
about confiding in others, so proud of her independence, so determined
to rely only on herself.

It was a measure of how much James had un nerved and frightened her
that she should feel this need to confide in Ann and seek her advice,
her wise counsel.

"This shop is such a new venture, and if it fails..."

"Fails?  It won't fail," Ann told her robustly.

"And if you're worried about the scene Clarissa created, don't be.  No
one will pay the slightest attention to her.  She isn't very popular
locally, you know.  Not like James."

"No," Tania agreed hollowly.

"But it isn't Clarissa who worries me."

Ann frowned at her.

"You don't mean you took James's threat seriously?  Oh, Tania, I'm sure
he didn't mean it.  He's not that sort of man.  I expect he was just
feeling worried and anxious about Clarissa.  She probably wound him up
to come down here and warn you off.  Believe me, he's one of the
kindest, most genuine men.  When we were going through a rather
difficult patch, he commissioned Tom to virtually redecorate his home
from top to bottom.  That commission saved our lives."

"He doesn't like me," Tania told her stiffly, fiddling with an empty
box and refusing to look directly at Ann.

"I expect he considers me an outsider ... a troublemaker."

Ann looked unhappily at her.

"No, I'm sure you're wrong.  Once Nicholas has talked to him..."

"It hasn't made any difference.  He still believes that Nicholas is my
lover."  She took a shaky breath and disclosed flatly, "He even made a
snide remark about Lucy, about her birth and the fact that I wasn't
married.  I was eighteen when she was born," she told Ann fiercely.

"Eighteen, that's all."

To her chagrin, she discovered that her throat was clogged with
tears.

"Don't let it upset you," Ann comforted her.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it, and as for him threatening you... I'm sure
he just spoke in the heat of the moment--' She broke off as a customer
walked into the shop, quickly followed by two more, glancing at her
watch and saying she must leave.  Thanking her for her support, Tania
turned to serve the newcomers.  Ann might think that James Warren was
the best thing since sliced bread, but she didn't share her view.
Without him to support her, she suspected that Clarissa would very
quickly have accepted Nicholas's admission that they were not lovers.

Stop thinking about it, she chided herself firmly.  You've got work to
do.

CHAPTER FIVE

tania certainly had plenty to keep her busy, and it was six o'clock
before she finally managed to close the door behind her last
customer.

Wearily picking up the discarded stock and returning it to its boxes,
she decided that she'd better go round to the Fieldings' and collect
Lucy before she fell asleep standing up.

She had never felt so tired in her life, but it was a grateful
exhaustion that came from the realisation that her sales for the day
were going to far exceed her expectations.

She could not hope for business to continue like this, of course, but
it was a good start, and with another week to go before all the
children were finally back at school she could at least hope for a
certain amount of continuing sales.  | Once they were back at school
there would be a | lull, of course, but hopefully only a short one,
with | Christmas not so very far away.

She thought of all the bright, shiny Wellingtons she had ordered, the
snow boots and waterproofs, the pretty dancing shoes and the sturdy
outdoor wear, and as she locked the shop door and hurried down towards
the Fieldings' shop she found she was mentally planning her
pre-Christmas window | display, j On the way home she tried to
concentrate on | Lucy's bright chatter but discovered that her |
thoughts were returning time and time again to the i altercation in the
shop and the cold, biting look ] James had given her.  | Ridiculous to
feel so apprehensive.  What, after I all, could he do?

Publicly denounce her as a husband-stealer?  Who in this day and age
would care?  All that would achieve would be to give rise to a good
deal of speculation and gossip of a type which would surely be as
painful and unwelcome to Clarissa as it would be to her.  So what else
could he do?  Damage her business?  She shivered, and hugged her jacket
more firmly around her.  She must tell Nicholas that he had to find a
way of convincing not only Clarissa but James as well that he had lied,
but would he do so?  He had promised her once already that he would put
things right but so far.  Because she had known that she would have to
spend most of the evening engaged in doing her accounts, she had hired
a video of one of Lucy's favourite films, and as soon as supper was
over Ann brought Susan round to share the treat, firmly announcing
that she wasn't stopping since she knew that Tania had work to do.

"If you're still worrying about James, don't," she advised Tania before
she left.

"He'll soon come to realise that you aren't the type to become involved
with someone else's man.  In fact I don't think I've ever met a woman
who is so scrupulously uninterested in the male sex," she added
thoughtfully.

"I'm not trying to pry, Tania, but if you could perhaps approach James
yourself and explain..."

"No," Tania told her fiercely.

"It's no good.  He wouldn't believe me.

Anyway, I don't even know where he lives or--' "That's easy.  He has a
beautiful house just outside town.  It overlooks the river, and it's
one of the most serene houses I've ever seen.

You'll probably have passed it.  "

When she described where it was, Tania realised that it was the house
she had seen on their walk.  She had envied its owners then without
knowing their identity.  It seemed so unfair, she reflected acidly now,
that when both Clarissa and James had so much they should not be
content, more than content.  Clarissa on her own she could probably
have handled, but James.  He intimidated her, she recognised, but not
exactly on a personal level.  She still couldn't entirely banish that
traitorous knowledge that she had looked at him, if only for a sec
and, and wondered about him as a man, but she was afraid of his power;
of his ability to destroy her business and with it the new life she
wanted so much for Lucy.  It seemed so unfair, so.  so stupid.  He was
apparently an intelligent man.  Surely he could see that Nicholas
adored Clarissa?

"It was only a thought," Ann told her gently.

"I'll come back for Susie about nine, if that's OK with you?"

By nine o'clock, her body tense with concentration, Tania knew that
financially the day had been an outstanding success.  She would need to
reorder certain very popular lines and it would be several weeks before
she was able to assess which lines she needed to carry on a permanent
basis and which could be discarded, but she was pleased to be able to
cautiously note that her own instincts on which shoes would most appeal
to her customers had been proved right.

An hour later, having said goodbye to Ann and put Lucy to bed, she
acknowledged that she could do with an early night herself.  Physically
she was exhausted, but mentally.  Mentally she was far too unpleasantly
alert, as she discovered once she was actually in bed, but it wasn't a
happy alertness.  Over and over again, her thoughts kept returning to
Clarissa Forbes.  and not just to Clarissa but to James as well.

Nicholas had no right, no right at all to involve her in his marital
problems, and added to her irritation against him was a growing sense
of injustice, of having been used without any thought being given to
the possible consequences of his actions

She was, she discovered, fast going from a luke warm liking of him to a
growing feeling that he was essentially a rather weak character, who
had || probably contributed as much to his own marital problems as had
his wife.

He claimed that Clarissa always put her brother first, that he as her
husband was always pushed into second place, but Clarissa obviously
loved him.  Otherwise, why should she be so determined to hang on to
him?  The pair of them wanted their heads banging together, she thought
tiredly as she tried to court sleep.  Thank goodness tomorrow was
Sunday and she could have a relaxing day.

She was drifting off to sleep when she heard the sharp, splintering
sound of breaking glass, followed by the shrill wail of her newly
installed alarm.  Immediately she was out of bed, rushing over to the
window, just in time to see someone running away.

Too angry to think of caution, she pulled on her dressing-gown and ran
downstairs, unlocking the door through into the shop area and switching
on the lights.

The front of the shop was covered in shards of glass; the alarm was
still wailing frantically, and she could see a gaping hole right in the
front of her window, where not only was the glass smashed but the
actual frame had been damaged as well.

Shock had now caught hold of her, and she stood dizzily staring at the
window, pushing one hand into her hair as she tried to get her brain to
work.  The sound of the alarm was jangling her already over-stretched
nerves, destroying her ability to think logically.  The alarm was
connected directly with the police station.  Did that mean that they
would come out or ought she to telephone?  And what if the noise of the
alarm woke Lucy and frightened her?  She ought to go upstairs and check
but, if she left the shop, might not whoever had broken the window come
back?  The sound of the alarm had obviously frightened them off.  She
had no idea yet if any stock was actually missing from the window, but
she remembered nervously that her takings for the day were upstairs in
her living-room, albeit locked away in a secure cash-box, but even so.
In future she would make sure she banked every day's takings in her
local bank's night safe.

She dreaded to think what might have happened if she hadn't had that
alarm.  if the thieves had broken in upstairs.  She was shivering, she
discovered, trembling with reaction and weakness.

She heard a car driving down the road and instinctively tensed, only to
relax as she recognised the familiar colour and insignia of a police
patrol car.

As the driver got out, frowning as he surveyed the damage, she stepped
forward automatically, but he saw her and waved her back.

"You haven't got any shoes on," he reminded her through the broken
window, 'and the floor's covered in glass.  Is there another way I can
come in?  "

Shakily Tania directed him to the back door and went to open it for
him.

"What happened?"  he asked her once he was in side.  Briefly she told
him how she had been woken up by the sound of breaking glass and had
only man aged to see someone running away.

"It was probably just vandals," she commented, sighing a little as she
remembered the iron grilles that had been such a familiar feature of
the small parade of shops near her old flat.  She had come here to
escape from that kind of thing.  To live more freely, more safely, more
healthily.

"him... could be, although it isn't the kind of thing we normally get
happening round here.  Pub brawls, teenage scuffles now and again, the
odd bit 104 PAYMBNT DUE of trouble here and there... but smashing shop
windows Just as well you'd got that alarm."

"Yes.  My insurance company insisted on it.  As you say, just as
well."

"Mm... Well, you won't have had time to see if anything's missing
yet... Only just opened, haven't you?"

"Yes."  Tania told him.  She was beginning to feel extraordinarily
light-headed and rather peculiar.

"Yes.  The wife said she was going to call in and see if she could get
our two fixed up with some thing they couldn't destroy in under two
months."  He gave a faint sigh.

"Boots are what you play foot ball in, she tells them, but do they pay
any attention?  Kids!  They think money grows on trees.  You feeling
OK?"  he asked her, frowning as he noticed her growing pallor.

"Bit of a shock, something like this.  Is your husband...?"

"I ... I'm not married," Tania told him quickly.

"I... would it be all right if I went upstairs to check on my little
girl?  If she's woken up she might be feeling frightened."

"Yes, you go ahead.  We can't do much down here, other than make the
window secure.  You'll want your insurance people to see it.  Is there
any one local who could come over and spend the rest of the night with
you?"

Tania looked alarmed and he assured her, "I doubt that whoever did it
will come back, but you're bound to feel a bit apprehensive.  Could ask
for a WPC to come along for a while, but we're short-staffed and on a
Saturday night..."

"It's kind of you," Tania said quickly.

"But I'll be fine."  She had switched off the alarm when she went to
let him in the back door, and now, in his solid, reassuring presence,
she was beginning to feel her shock easing slightly.

When she went upstairs she discovered that Lucy was fast asleep.  She
offered the policeman a cup of tea and then with his help checked the
window and discovered that nothing was actually missing.

"Made a mess of it though, haven't they?"  he mused as he helped her.

"Pity, because a nice shop window always attracts customers, and I
doubt you'll have this one back to rights for a couple of weeks."  It
was a point that had not yet occurred to Tania, but she recognised that
he was right.  Who would be tempted to buy children's shoes from a shop
with its window boarded up while it awaited repair?  She went cold as
she remembered how busy the shop-front fitters had been and how long
she had had to wait for the original window to be fitted.  This
break-in, although it hadn't resulted in the loss of any stock, could
seriously affect her sales.

Numbly she recollected James Warren's threat.  It hadn't been him she
had seen running away, of course, but could it be possible that he was
behind this attack on her shop, on her business, on her security?  She
shivered and the policeman gave her a concerned look.

"You sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," she lied.  Oh, God, what if this was the start of a
campaign of intimidation against her?  What if.  Stop it, she warned
herself as her thoughts threatened to go wildly out of control.  Stop
it.  Even if he is responsible you're not going to give in.  you're not
going to let him frighten you.  You haven't done anything.  It was over
an hour before the policeman finally left, having told her that he
suspected that they would probably never find the culprit and warning
her to lock the doors behind him.

After that, of course, although she went back to bed, it was impossible
for her to sleep.  It would be Monday before she could get in touch
with her insurance broker.  before she could do anything at all,
really.

When she finally went to sleep she felt as though a huge black cloud
had engulfed her whole world.  Even in her darkest moments of the past,
even when she had known she was pregnant with Lucy.  even when she had
faced the reality that she and Lucy would always have to face the
world on their own, she had not felt as vulnerable and afraid as she
did now.

Had James Warren been responsible?  What kind of man could do a thing
like this?  He must have known how much it would terrify her.  He must
have known.  But then why should he show any compassion, any pity for
her?  He wanted to terrify her, he wanted to frighten her.  He wanted
to hurt her.

The next morning she felt no better.  Ann, who had called after she had
seen the broken window on her way to the Post Office to collect her
Sunday papers, was full of briskly firm optimism.

Tom, it seemed, knew Tania's insurance broker very well, and would, she
was sure, give him a ring and ask him if it was possible for him to
come straight round.

"And as for repairing the window, well, I don't think it's as bad as it
looks.  I'm sure we'll be able to do something.  You must have been
scared out of your wits when you heard the noise.  Who on earth would
do such a thing?  Nothing like this has ever happened here before."

Tania almost told her her suspicions, but then she remembered Ann's
enthusiastic praise of James Warren and held her tongue.  Ann would
probably think she was becoming paranoid.  She wasn't sure if she
wasn't herself.  After all, she had no proof that James was involved.
But he had threatened her.  She shivered, and Ann suggested warmly,
"Look, why don't both of you come back with me?  I'll get Tom to give
Larry Barnes a ring straight away."

"Oh, Ann, I always seem to be bringing you my problems.  Your family
will be sick of the sight of me and Lucy."

"Nonsense, and besides, what else are friends for?"

If Larry Barnes, her insurance broker, resented having his Sunday peace
disturbed, he didn't show it.  He was a man in his mid-fifties, with a
calm, reassuring manner.

No, she wouldn't have any problems with her insurance claim, he assured
Tania, and yes, she could go ahead and get the window repaired just as
soon as she liked.  In fact, he thought he knew someone who would be
able to do the job for her almost immediately, and, of course, he
reminded her, there was a loss-of-business clause in her policy which
meant that if the lack of a window did affect her sales then she could
potentially claim on her policy.

Nevertheless, Tania discovered that the whole incident had left her
feeling nervous and on edge.

Late on Sunday evening, when she should have been in bed, she
discovered that she was still prowling round her living-room, unable to
settle, afraid to go to bed in case there was a recurrence of the
previous night's attempted break-in.

Eventually, at one o'clock.  She managed to persuade herself that if
she didn't at least try to get some sleep she'd be too exhausted to
work, but even so her sleep was fitful and disturbed, full of
intimidating images and imagined fears, so that she woke up more than
once with her heart pounding and her mouth dry with tension.  It was
halfway through Monday morning when the men were busy at work refitting
the shop window, and she had closeted herself upstairs in her
sitting-room to do some paperwork, when someone knocked on her
sitting-room door and she opened it to discover Nicholas standing
outside.

T heard this morning about the attempted break- in," he told her.

"What happened?  Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," Tania assured him, noting how strained and drawn he looked,
and, as she offered him a cup of coffee, she wondered if he, like her,
suspected that James might have been behind the attack on her shop.

Lucy, who had been playing in her room, came through into the sitting
room when she heard Nicholas's voice.  She gave him a shy smile,
responding with cautious friendliness to his questions.

Tania explained that it would be a couple of days yet before Lucy
started at her new school.

"I didn't just come round because of the break- in," Nicholas told her
in a low voice when she handed him his mug of coffee.

"Alee let slip about the scene that Clarissa created here on Saturday.
I wanted to apologise to you."

Her consciousness of Lucy's presence in the room with them, even though
she appeared to be engrossed in the book she was reading, restrained
Tania from being as frank with him as she would have liked.

Instead she had to content herself with saying meaningfully, "I'm sure
that once she realises and accepts the truth it won't happen again."

Nicholas shrugged his shoulders and said defeat- ediy, "She won't even
listen to me any more.  She keeps on threatening to leave me and take
the boys.  She creates these terrible scenes, and simply won't listen
to anything I have to say.  She's always been highly strung.  I've
tried suggesting to her that she ought to see a doctor.  She had a
breakdown when her mother was killed, and I'm very much afraid..."
Tania frowned.  Could it be that there was rather more to Clarissa's
behaviour than simply the selfishness of a spoilt child-woman who was
used to having her every whim indulged?

"Have you spoken to James about this?"  she asked Nicholas in some
concern.  Privately she considered that if Clarissa was suffering from
some kind of emotional maladjustment, as she might well be, then
Nicholas's trying to deal with it by pre tending to be having an affair
with another woman was hardly a sensible thing to do, but then it was
her belief that the male sex rarely understood the female, and men were
notoriously reluctant to deal with any problems that involved emotions,
either their own or someone else's.

"Oh, he always sides with Clarissa, no matter what I say," Nicholas
told her moodily.

"He'd probably just think I was trying to put her down, and, of course,
she's always as sweet as sugar when James is there."

Tania made a wry face.  Sweet as sugar wasn't exactly how she would
have described Clarissa's behaviour on Saturday.

"But, Nicholas," she pressed, 'have you considered that she might be
quite seriously ill, and if she's already suffered one breakdown.  "

"I've tried to tell her as much but every time I raise the subject she
flies off the handle and accuses me of trying to get rid of her, of
wanting to have her locked up in a mental asylum.  The whole situation
is getting completely out of control.  I just do not know where to turn
any more.  I'm even beginning to wonder if it's me... If I'm the one
causing her problems, if she wouldn't be better off without me."

Tania's frown deepened.  She was beginning to recognise that Nicholas,
while essentially a pleasant enough man, was, in his own way, perhaps
just as spoiled as his wife.  Like a small child, he was perhaps
punishing her because she was not giving him the amount of love and
attention he felt she should.  Both of them should perhaps have married
far stronger characters, people who were capable of coping with their
insecurities and vulnerability, people with the strength to cos set and
carry them.  She could never, for instance, imagine a man like James
Warren reacting to Clarissa's apparent unreasonableness in the way that
Nicholas was doing Perhaps after all it was no wonder that Clarissa
turned so often from her husband to her stepbrother.

"You have two children," she pointed out softly to Nicholas now.

"And they need you, both of you.  If you can't persuade Clarissa to see
a doctor your self, Nicholas, then I really think you should try to
takes James into your confidence.  And while you're at it will you
please tell him that you and I are not having an affair?"  she added in
a low voice.

Lucy, who was sitting on the window-seat with her book, suddenly
raised her head and announced, "Mum, there's a huge car parked outside,
and the man's coming into the shop."  Tania went over to the window to
look outside.  Nicholas joined her.

"Hell," he swore under his breath.

"That's James's car.

What on earth is he doing here?  "

As she stared at the immaculate dark blue Jaguar without really seeing
it, Tania felt her stomach muscles clenching in a fierce protest.

Had he come to see just how she was reacting to his threats?  To admit
that he was responsible for the damage to her shop?  Or perhaps even to
issue further threats, to harass and terrorise her even further It
would have served him right if she had told the police about him, she
reflected bitterly.  But then they were hardly likely to have believed
her.  Why on earth would such an important and well thought of local
businessman arrange for someone to smash the shop window of someone as
insignificant as herself?  No.  It wouldn't have done the slightest
good.

Even so.

"I'd better go down and see what he wants," she began, only to stop
when they heard the imperious rap on her sitting-room door.  When she
opened it the look he gave her made her blood run cold.  The eye
contact between them was antagonistic and bitter, and Tania hated the
way he made her look away first, her face flooding with colour as he
stepped past her and said with cold evenness, "Nicholas, I thought I
saw your car outside.  Thinking of leaving us, Ms Carter?"  he asked
her with an effrontery that strangled her protests before she could
utter them.

"A wise decision.  Presumably Nicholas is here in his capacity as your
legal adviser?"

Nicholas frowned at his brother-in-law.

"I'm not here in any business capacity, James.  I'd heard about the
break-in and naturally I called to see if Tania was OK."

"Naturally?"

The dark eyebrows rose, the hard mouth twisting contemptuously as James
Warren looked from Nicholas's stubborn face to Tania's flushed, angry
one.

"Very thoughtful of you, I'm sure, but, since you must by now have
reassured yourself that Ms Carter hasn't suffered any after effects
from what was after all little more than an excess of youthful high
spirits, perhaps you might care to remember that you promised to take
Clarissa and the boys into Chester for lunch."

"Oh, my God!  Yes... I'd forgotten.  I'll have to go, I'm afraid,
Tania."

He reached for her hand, but instead of shaking it as Tania had
expected, he cupped it in both of his in a far more intimate gesture
than she had expected Impossible to stop herself from glancing side
ways to see how James was reacting to his brother- in-law's intimate
tenderness.  The hard, dangerous look he gave her made her tremble. She
fought against the cowardly impulse to open her mouth and tell him that
he was wrong, that it wasn't what he thought.  that it wasn't even what
she wanted, but stubbornness and pride held her silent, making her give
Nicholas a far more tender smile than she would otherwise have done.

Anxious not to be left alone with James so that he could repeat his
threats or insult her still further, she determinedly walked downstairs
with Nicholas, so that James was left with no alternative but to
accompany them.  In the noisy shop, ringing with the sound of the men
repairing the window, she said firmly, "It was kind of you to call,
Nicholas.  I hope you enjoy your lunch," and then immediately turned to
James and said coldly, "Now that you've got what you came for, Mr.
Warren, I'm sure there's no reason for you to stay."  She could tell
that he was angry with her from the dark glitter in his eyes, and, as
Nicholas turned away from her, he stood in front of her so that
Nicholas couldn't see his expression or overhear what he was saying and
told her icily, "You may think you're being very clever, but try
thinking about this.  It isn't just my sister you're hurting.  You know
that she and Nicholas have two children, who need them both."

She was angry enough to be reckless, temper running through her veins
like Greek fire as she snapped back.

"Oh, really?  Well, according to local gossip, they're hardly likely to
miss their father, not when they have such a devoted and caring uncle
to turn to!  No one dictates to me how I run my life.  No one!"  She
might have gone on to tell him what she thought of his cruel plans to
ruin her business and frighten her away from the area, but Nicholas had
turned round and was watching them both, patently waiting for James to
join him.

Halfway back up the stairs she had to rest be cause her legs were
shaking so much.

This had got to stop.  Somehow she had to find a way of ensuring that
Nicholas not only told his brother-in-law the truth, but also made sure
that he accepted it.

It was no use her saying anything, nor prompting Nicholas in James's
presence.  It was patently obvious that he wouldn't believe her.  But
she could not go on like this for much longer.  Her nerves were already
over strained as it was!

CHAPTER SIX

despite her fears that the broken shop window would put off potential
customers, Tania discovered that news of the attempted break-in
prompted an increase in business through people calling in both out of
curiosity and in genuine concern, and by the time the window was
replaced later in the week she was able to confide to Ann, who had
phoned her for a chat, that her first few days of business had proved
so busy that she had had to ring some of her suppliers to request
urgent replacement stock.

"And this is only the start," Ann promised her.

"You wait and see.

It's my belief that people are gradually turning away from the kind of
shopping which involves all the stress involved in dragging their kids
around huge soulless shopping centres.  It's all part of the nostalgia
for the past and the need to return to a more natural way of life.  We
find we're getting more and more customers who say they can't stand
another fraught trip round some vast super store where they can't find
what they want and when they do paying for it involves an exasperating
wait at a supermarket-style checkout.

"Which reminds me, I wanted to ask you if you'd put away a couple of
pairs of those American-style baseball boots for the boys.  I want to
put them in their Christmas stockings.  Susan has informed me that she
wants to learn tap-dancing, if you please, so it will have to be tap
shoes for her.

"The police haven't been back to you to say if they've found out who
broke your window?"

"No," Tania told her.

"I don't think they will be, either."

"Well, I doubt that it will happen again.  Not now that the perpetrator
realises how well you're alarmed," Ann told her comfortingly.  Tania
said nothing.  She wasn't sure that the presence of any alarm system,
no matter how sophisticated, would deter the person she believed was
really responsible.  Neither had the object of the exercise been to
steal from her.  At least not in a material sense.  To steal away her
peace of mind, her security, and perhaps ultimately even her
selfrespect, yes; she could believe James Warren to be guilty of those
crimes.

She shivered a little as she replaced the telephone receiver.  Soon it
would be time for Tania and Ann to fetch Lucy home from school.  It
seemed so unfair to Tania mat through no fault of her own she should be
suffering this heavy burden of apprehension and dread, especially when
Lucy had settled down so well to their new life.

She was full of bright chatter about her new school.  Tania had no wish
to push her daughter into academic success but there was no doubt that
a good education, good qualifications were essential these days if one
wanted a well-paid career.  From her own experience she knew how
important it was that a woman could support herself financially.  She
had no wish for Lucy to fall into the dangerous trap of becoming
dependent on a man or a relationship to the detriment of her own
self-worth and independence

If her business continued in its present fashion, she would have to
seriously consider taking on part- time staff, and maybe not merely a
girl to help on Saturdays, but someone whom she could leave in charge
of the shop occasionally during the week, so that she could attend the
various trade fairs and do her buying.

She had just finished serving a pleasant girl with a toddler just ready
for her first pair of proper shoes when the shop bell rang again.

She looked up with a smile that faded to sharp apprehension as she saw
Clarissa Forbes walking into the shop.  This time she was alone and a
brief glance outside assured Tania that her intimidating stepbrother
was thankfully nowhere in sight.

"Clarissa," Tania welcomed her, firmly deter mined not to give her any
reason to reinforce her idiodc belief that Tania was having an affair
with her husband.

However, the moment she spoke to her, Clarissa went white with fury and
spat viciously at Tania, "Oh, yes, you go ahead and smile, but you
won't be smiling for much longer.  If you think I'm simply going to
stand aside and let you walk off with my husband, you'll soon discover
that you're wrong.  Nicholas is mine and I don't intend to give him up
to you or anyone else."

Tania stared at her, quickly taking in her dilated eyes and aggressive
pose.  Tension emanated from her too-thin body, and her facial muscles
were rigid with the intensity of her emotions.

"Clarissa, please calm down.  You've got it all wrong.  Nicholas and I
are not having an affair."

"Don't lie to me.  That's what Nicky tried to do, but I know the
truth.

You both might pretend that it's over between you, but I know it isn't.
When did it start?  When you first came here, or was it before that?
Did he meet you before you even moved here?  Did the two of you plan
the whole thing?  That you would move here?

"Well, if you think that I'm just going to stand by and let you walk
off with my husband, you'll soon discover just how wrong you are."

Recognising the growing signs of impending hysteria, Tania attempted to
calm her down, frightened now not on her own account so much as on
Clarissa's.  The other woman was plainly under an intense emotional
strain, and as she tried to interrupt her Tania felt a flash of fierce
irritation and anger against both Nicholas and James.  Surely one of
them must have the wit to see that Clarissa wasn't entirely well?

"Clarissa, please, you've got all this wrong.  Talk to Nicholas.  Let
him explain to you, I promise you that I am not and never have had an
affair with him.  Look, why don't I ring Nicholas now and?"

"No!  I don't want him here, but you do, don't you?  You want him to
send me away so that you can be alone with him.  Well, I'm not going to
let you destroy my marriage, and if you don't give him up I'll make you
sorry you were ever born," she threatened dramatically before turning
on her heel and storming out of the shop before Tania could restrain
her.

After she had gone Tania stared at the phone, gnawing indecisively at
her bottom lip, wondering whether she ought to ring Nicholas and warn
him what had happened.  But then might not Clarissa take that as
further proof that they were having an affair should she find out about
it?

Her own inner sense of responsibility made her feel that there must be
something she could do to help the other woman who so plainly did need
some kind of help.  Tania had gone beyond feeling irritated resentment
towards her now.  That anger and resentment had given way to concern.

"Something on your mind?"  Ann asked her later when they were walking
the girls back from school.

Briefly Tania explained what had happened.

"Mm... And you think she's suffering from some kind of depression or
something?"

"Well, it could be, or it could be something deeper, something perhaps
associated with the death of her mother and James's father.  She's
obviously emotionally very highly strung, his some ways it's almost as
though she wants to believe that Nicholas and I are having an
affair."

"Mm.  She probably realises she's overreacting, and in some way
insisting on believing Nick is being unfaithful to her gives her a
logical justification for her behaviour.  I'm surprised James hasn't
realised what's happening, but then he's been away such a lot this
year.  The electronics company he owns does a lot of business with the
States and he's been over there for months at a time setting up some
new deal or other.

"I heard on the grapevine the other day that his new contract with the
Americans has been signed now, and that he should be home far more
often in future.  Maybe he'll realise what's going on..."

"I doubt it," Tania told her grittily.

"Like his stepsister, he seems determined to blame me."

"It's really unlike him to react like that.  Perhaps he secretly
fancies you himself," Ann teased her, 'and he's jealous of Nick's
supposed involvement with you.  "

Tania forced herself to laugh, but inside she was desperately aware of
the unwanted twist of sensation Ann's light-hearted comment had
brought.

Oh, God, she thought shakily as she and Ann parted company, please
don't let that happen.  Why, after all these years of being completely
indifferent to the male sex, should she go and find herself so
dangerously aware of the one man who was most unlikely to reciprocate
the fiercely pagan emotions seizing her?  Was it because she knew that
there could be no question of him sharing her desire that she had
allowed these feelings to spring up inside her?  Because she knew there
was no possibility, no danger of her ever becoming either emotionally
or physically involved with him, because in some perverse way it was
safe for her to desire him, rather in the same way that a teenager
desired a pop star?  They were thoughts she did not wish to pursue.

* * * Tomorrow would be her second Saturday with the shop.  She
couldn't expect business to be as brisk as it had been last week, but
nevertheless it was with a mingled feeling of anxiety and elation that
she got up the following morning.

She had arranged that Ann's niece, Peggy, would come in for a couple of
hours at lunchtime to give her a break, and Ann had very generously
insisted that Lucy spend the morning and the afternoon with them,
responding cheerfully when Tania had protested that she was imposing
far too much on her kindness.

"Nonsense, there'll come a time when you'll be able to do something
similar for me."

"Well, I hope so.  But please send Lucy home at lunchtime.  She's had
more than enough free meals with you..."

"I will," Ann promised her.

"Twelve o'clock sharp she shall be despatched home."

"I'll come and meet her.  I know it's only a few doors away, but even
so."

At five to twelve, just as Tania was about to put on her jacket and
hand over to Peggy, a customer walked into the shop accompanied by a
pair of twins and two older children, all of them boys.  When she
announced that she needed shoes for all of them, Tania felt that it
would be unfair to expect Peggy to deal with them, and, removing her
jacket, said smilingly that she would do what she could to help.  In
the end it was almost a quarter to one before all four children were
satisfactorily shod.

"It's wonderful to find a shop like this one," their mother told
Tania.

"Normally buying anything for them is an absolute nightmare.  My
husband absolutely refuses to come with me, and the kids generally end
up squabbling."

Smiling her sympathy, Tania walked with them to the door.  Once they
had gone she turned to Peggy and told her, "Things should quieten down
a little now while everyone goes home for lunch.  I'll just pop
upstairs and see what Lucy's up to.  She must be starving, poor
child."

But when she opened the door into the flat, the living-room was empty,
the whole flat oddly silent.

She called Lucy's name and opened her bedroom door, frowning at its
emptiness.

Had Ann forgotten that she had promised to send Lucy home at twelve?

Perhaps if the girls had be come involved in a game.  But the Fieldings
normally sat down for lunch at twelve-thirty on the dot.  and it was
now almost one.

An indefinable maternal apprehension gripped hold of her.  Without
stopping to collect her jacket, she hurried downstairs and outside and
then down the narrow passage which separated their building from its
neighbour and out into the street, looking anxiously up and down it, in
search of the familiar russet-haired figure of her small daughter. Only
there was no sign of Lucy.

Frantically anxious now, she hurried down the street, and into the
Fieldings' shop.

Tom Fielding was drinking a mug of tea, which he put down when he saw
the anxiety in her face, asking quickly, "Tania, what's wrong?  Not
another break-in?"

"No, no, it's not that... It's Lucy... She hasn't come home yet, and I
was wondering..."

Tom stood up, his own face now shadowed and concerned.

"But she left here at five to twelve.  That's--' " Over an hour ago,"
Tania finished shakily for him.

"You don't suppose...?  She couldn't have come back, perhaps?"

"Well, she could have done, I suppose.  Look, you go up and have a word
with Ann."

Anxiously Tania hurried upstairs, knocking tensely on the Fieldings'
sitting-room door.

Ann opened it, her smile fading to concern as Tania asked her if Lucy
was with her.

"No, she isn't.  I sent her home at five to twelve as we arranged."

"Oh, my God.  I meant to meet her and walk back with her, but this
woman came into the shop with four boys, and I couldn't leave poor
Peggy to deal with them.  I thought Lucy must have come back and gone
upstairs, but there's no sign of her in the flat."  She was beginning
to shake with fear.

Ann took hold of her and said firmly, "Now, don't panic.  Are you sure
she's not at home?  She couldn't be in her bedroom, perhaps?"

"No... No, I checked."

"Well, perhaps she met someone... a schoolfriend..."

"No," Tania shook her head and said stiffly.

"She would never go off with anyone else.  She knows.  I've always
taught her.  She's been brought up in a city, Ann.  She knows all about
the dangers of speaking to strangers... of--' Her voice broke and Ann
hugged her tightly.

"We'll find her, don't you worry.  Let me go and ring the police."

"The police."  Her eyes dark with fear for her daughter, Tania stared
mutely at her friend.

"It's the only sensible thing to do," Ann told her gently.

"She's probably perfectly safe."

Tania started to tremble violently, her mind forcing her to dwell on
all that Ann was not saying.

It was every parent's nightmare that her child should disappear.  It
happened so often, so tragically Sickness clawed at her stomach.

"No... not Lucy," she whispered chokily.

"Oh, please.  God, don't let anything have happened to her!"

"Come on... you won't help her by breaking down," Ann warned her
firmly.

"Look, you sit down for a moment while I ring the police."

Half an hour later, while her mind ran in frantic circles of fear,
anguish and guilt, Tania was trying to answer the questions of the WPC
and the detective who had come to the Fieldings' home to interview
her.

When they asked her what clothes Lucy was wearing, she had had such a
heartbreakingly real image of her small daughter when she had said
goodbye to her that morning that she had had to fight not to break down
completely.

"Don't worry," they told her.

"She's probably gone off somewhere with a friend and totally lost track
of time."

Tania refused to accept any comfort.  Lucy wouldn't do that.  And
besides, her closest friend was Susan.  Susan who had nervously told
the WPC that Lucy had told her she was coming straight back after
lunch.

"Is there anyone who might have taken her away?

Someone that you know," the WPC pressed gently.

"Lucy's father... grandparents an ex-boyfriend?"

Numbly Tania shook her head.  No, there was no one like that.  No
one.

"Well, try not to worry.  We've got people out searching for her.  If
she's new to the town, it isn't inconceivable that she's even got lost.
Does she know anywhere locally, anywhere where she might have wanted to
go?"

"We walked along by the river one day.  We saw an otter, and a dog...
Lucy loves dogs," she told them numbly.

"I'd half promised her that in the spring..."

She started to shake, unable to stop herself from thinking that when
the spring came she might well be alone.  that Lucy, her precious,
vulnerable child.  "I have to ask you this, Tania.  It isn't a
criticism.  We all lose our tempers at times, but had you and Lucy had
a quarrel?  Could she perhaps have felt reluctant to come home?"

Tania shook her head.

"No.  We didn't have that sort of relationship.  She isn't a naughty
child."

"I can confirm that," Ann put in quietly.

"And when she left here she seemed perfectly happy.  She told us that
you'd promised her fresh salmon for lunch."

"Yes, I had," Tania agreed jerkily.

"It's her favourite.  An extravagance but far better for her than fish
fingers... and I want her to grow up healthily.  Girls these days come
under so much pres sun from the media.  I don't want her to grow up
feeling that she has to conform to some advertisers' idea of what a
woman should be."  Her voice started to shake and she covered her face
with her hands as the tears started to flow.

Oh, God, she was so frightened.  not for her sell but for Lucy, her
precious little Lucy.

"It will be all right," the WPC told her, but Tanis wasn't convinced.

When the police suggested that it might be as well if she went home
just in cast Lucy found her own way back there, Tania goi numbly to her
feet.

"Don't worry about the shop," Ann told her.  Tl go down and take over
from Peggy.  "

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of growing tension and
anxiety.  Someone stayed with her all the time, but slowly her hopes
that Luc; might after all simply have got lost or distractec faded into
an agonised certainty that something unbelievably dreadful had happened
to her daughter.

And then at five o'clock the WPC who had stayed with her and who was
standing by the livingroom window frowned and asked her urgently "Come
here, will you, Tania?"

Awkwardly she went to join her, her heart literally leaping into 'her
throat as she looked out into the street and saw Lucy getting out of
the back of James Warren's dark blue Jaguar.

"Is that your daughter?"  the WPC asked her.

It was impossible for her to speak.  She could only nod her head whilst
tears of relief poured down her face.

Through them she saw Lucy confidently slip her hand into James's as
they walked towards the door, then James stopped and looked up at
her.

The expression on his face made her heart twist a second time.  She had
never seen in another adult face such a combination of sorrow, anguish
and guilt It was a look that so closely mimicked her own emotions that
she found she was holding her breath, hardly daring to breathe, hardly
daring to do anything other than simply stand there as Lucy came
hurtling up the stairs and burst into the room saying excitedly.

"Mum, you'll never guess what, James has promised me mat he'll buy me a
dog for my birthday, if you say it's all right... and he's going to
teach me how to train it properly so that it won't be like Rupert.  Not
a spaniel, though, they're too scatty, and besides they're gun dogs
really and they need lots and lots of exercise."

While she paused to draw breath, the WPC walked slowly towards them
and said quietly, "Hello, Lucy.  Have you had a nice afternoon?"

Lucy beamed her affirmation, and the woman said quietly over her head
to Tania, "I'll report in and let them know she's back safely."  She
then turned to James and said quietly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to
ask you to wait here for a few minutes, sir.  Lucy has been missing all
afternoon without her mother's knowledge."

"I can explain everything," James answered emotionlessly.  He suddenly
looked so tired, so defeated, so drained that Tania actually discovered
she felt compassion for him.  Initially, when she had seen Lucy getting
out of his car, she had been overwhelmed by a shock of realisation that
when she had told the police she knew of no one who might want to
kidnap her child she had been wrong.  But when James had threatened her
she had never dreamed he might try to hurt her through Lucy.

And then she had seen the look on his face and she had known
instinctively that whatever had happened to Lucy, that whoever had been
responsible for her disappearance, it was not this man.

"I think it might be as well if I went-back to the station with you,"
he told the policewoman, and then turned to Tania and added quietly,
"Will it be all right if I leave my car outside?  I need to talk with
you anyway.  I could call back later if you'll let me."

Numbly she nodded her head.

"Thank you."

The words were emotionless like every other word he had uttered and yet
Tania was intensely aware that beneath his calm manner there was bitter
anguish.

"If you'd like to come this way, sir."

If the policewoman was aware of who he was, she wasn't allowing it to
influence her.

Once she was alone with Lucy and she had assured herself that her child
was physically and emotionally safe, she asked as casually as she
could, "How did you come to meet James, poppet?  I was worried about
you, you know, when you didn't come home for lunch..."

"That's what I told the lady," Lucy assured her gravely.

"I said you would be worried, but she said mat it was all right and
that I was to go home with her.  She said that you were busy with Uncle
Nicholas," Lucy added innocently.

It was as though a huge fist had closed on her heart, Tania realised.

"This... this lady.  Was she... was she Uncle Nicholas's wife?"

"Yes," Lucy told her nodding vigorously.

"They've got a really big house.

Mum, and Rupert was there.  She let me play with him and she gave me
some chocolate biscuits.  She kept asking me lots of questions about
you and Uncle Nicholas and then she started to cry.  She frightened me
a bit," Lucy told her innocently, frowning.

"I didn't like it when she cried."

"Did she... Did she... say anything else to you?"  Tania asked her. She
had no wish to frighten Lucy, or to make her realise just how much
danger she might have been in.  It was plain now that Clarissa was far
more disturbed than Tania had realised.

"No, not really.  I didn't really want to go with her, but she got hold
of my arm, and it hurt, and then she pushed me into her car and I was
too frightened to get out," Lucy added.

"But it was fine playing with Rupert.

"And then James came in, and she started to cry some more.  He said
that he was going to bring me home.  They talked lots and lots and she
grabbed hold of his arm and begged him not to leave her.  I didn't like
it then, and I don't think James did either."

"No.  I'm sure he didn't," Tania agreed slowly, shivering a little.

The phone rang and she picked up the receiver.  It was Ann.

"Any news?"

"Yes, Lucy's safely home.  James Warren brought her back."

"James Warren--but?"

"I can't really talk about it now," Tania interrupted her, 'but it
seems that Clarissa persuaded Lucy to go home with her.  " She heard
Ann's shocked gasp and then " her friend said tensely, "The woman must
be deranged.  What on earth did she think she was doing?"

"I'm not sure and I suspect that she isn't either," Tania told her
tiredly.

"James has gone down to the police station.  He said he'd call here
afterwards and explain everything to me, but the important thing is
that Lucy is safe."

"Yes," Ann agreed soberly.

"Look, if you want me to come over and stay the night..."

"No, we'll be fine."

In truth she would have been glad of Ann's company and she certainly
suspected she wouldn't get much sleep, but it didn't do to depend too
much on others, and sooner or later she was going to have to confront
the fears which had gripped her all afternoon.  The important thing was
that Lucy was safe.  That none of the appalling fates which had
tormented Tania had actually overtaken her.  that while she had no
doubt been a little frightened she had probably never been in any
physical danger.  Certainly it didn't seem as though Clarissa had made
any threats against her.  From what Lucy had told her it seemed as
though Clarissa had been more intent on finding out how much time
Nicholas had spent with Tania and her daughter.

And the blame wasn't entirely Clarissa's.  not entirely.  They were all
of them in part to blame, all of them.  Tania herself might not have
been having an affair with Nicholas, but she had been too proud, too
stubborn to make sure that Clarissa knew she wasn't.  She had
additionally recognised that the other woman wasn't well, but she had
done nothing to warn someone who might have been able to do
something.

And why?  Because that someone was James.  And because of that she had
potentially put her child's safety at risk.  Through pride and
stubbornness and a fear of her own that she was not as indifferent to
him as she wanted to be.

Thankfully Lucy had emerged from her ordeal unharmed, but things could
have been so different.  If Clarissa had decided to punish Lucy for her
mother's imagined sins.  if she had decided.  Tania started to
shudder.

Stop it, she told herself silently.  For Lucy's sake she must not give
way to her emotions.  She must remain calm and in control, outwardly at
least.  Inwardly.  well, that was a different thing altogether

Inwardly.  All she could do was thank God and James that her daughter
had been safely restored to her.

CHAPTER SEVEN

it was ten o'clock before James returned.  Lucy had been in bed for an
hour and was fast asleep.

When Tania went downstairs to let him in, the street lighting
highlighted his haggard, drawn expression.

"I'm sorry I've been so long, but there were certain formalities.  I
had to wait for Nicholas to get back from returning the boys to school
so that he could sign the consent forms for Clarissa to be admitted to
a private hospital, where hopefully..."

He stopped and Tania suggested awkwardly, "You look exhausted.  I was
going to have some supper.  Would you...?"

"No... nothing to eat, thanks, but a cup of coffee..."

"Yes, of course.  Come upstairs.  We can talk up there.  Lucy is
asleep, no doubt dreaming of this puppy you've promised her," she added
wryly.

"I'm sorry.  I should have asked you first ... but after she'd
witnessed Clarissa's hysterics, it was the only thing I could think of
to distract her.  Poor kid, she must have been terrified, but she hid
it well."

"I don't think she's actually realised how ... how

 unstable Clarissa's behaviour was," Tania told him carefully as they
went upstairs.

"Children don't, you know.  They tend to accept adult behaviour as
being different from their own.  All she said to me was that when you
arrived Clarissa cried a lot."

"Really?  Well, I suppose that's one way of de scribing it."  The grim
expression in his eyes gave way to one of such haunting despair that
Tania moved instinctively towards him, her hand reaching out to touch
his jacket-clad arm in a gesture of sympathy and understanding.

Briefly she felt him tense beneath her touch and her face flamed with
embarrassment and selfconsciousness, but as she started to move away he
covered her hand with his own, holding it where it was as though he
wanted the physical contact with her.

"I keep going over and over the whole thing in my mind... walking into
the house, seeing your daughter there... thinking..."  He shook his
head.

"God help me, for a moment I thought you'd actually ... And then
Clarissa came in and started talking wildly about how she'd make you
sorry ... how she'd make you give up Nicholas, and even then I didn't
realise.  Not until she started saying that I'd have to help her to
hide Lucy away somewhere where no one could find her.

"I blame myself entirely.  I should have realised.  She's always been
too highly strung.  There was a brief breakdown when our parents were
killed."  He shook his head tiredly.

"But that was nearly fifteen years ago.  I never thought... I suppose I
didn't want to think.

"Fortunately Nicholas arrived home just as I was trying to explain to
her that I had to bring Lucy back to you.  He told me everything.

Admitted that he'd deliberately pretended the two of you were having an
affair.  Apparently Clarissa's behaviour has steadily been growing more
and more out of control, but I've put it down to dissatisfaction with
their marriage.  To resentment, if you like, and be cause of that I'd
tended to cover up for her out of a mixture of love and pride.

"Obviously it can't go on.  We called the doctor before I left.  He
knows of a private clinic in London where they speciali se in dealing
with cases like Clarissa's.  It could take some time, but with careful
counselling and control there's every possibility that her mental
condition can be stabilised."

"It must have been a shock for you," Tania murmured, not knowing what
else she could say.

It was plain that what had happened had affected him very deeply,
otherwise she was sure he would never be unburdening himself to her in
the way that it was.  It was as though in some strange way me day's
trauma had united them, drawing them together from their opposite sides
of the chasm which had separated them, uniting them in a common bond of
anguish and shock.

"You could say that, although when I think what you must have been
through today, what you must have endured..."

"Oddly it never occurred to me that Clarissa might be responsible for
Lucy's disappearance, al though in the circumstances..."

"It was an impulse decision, apparently.  She was driving down the
street, saw Lucy on her own--' " Which was my fault.  I had intended to
go and meet her, only a customer came into the shop.  It doesn't matter
how many times you hear of some horrible fate overtaking a child, there
are always times when for one reason or another you can't be there with
them.  When something like this happens it brings home all the more,
that there but for the grace of God.  "

She swallowed hard, her throat burning with tears, closing her eyes
against them and then opening them in shock when she felt Jameses free
hand comfortingly stroking her skin, easing the tension from her
muscles as he slid his hand under her hair and gently massaged the back
of her neck.

"If anything had happened to Lucy, I'd never have forgiven myself.

What makes it worse is that I've aided and abetted Clarissa in her
delusions about your supposed affair," he told her huskily.

"That wasn't your fault.  Nicholas should have told you the truth.  I
told him I wanted him to.  It was a stupid idea, and I was angry with
him for involving me."

"That makes two of us.  Before we go any further I want to apologise to
you personally.  I should have used reason and logic instead of blindly
giving in to my emotions."

"You weren't entirely to blame.  Clarissa is your sister, after all.

It's natural that you should want to protect her, that your emotional
response to her anxiety--' "It wasn't my emotional response to Clarissa
that caused me to over-react so intensely," he interrupted rawly. Tania
tensed, her eyes widening slightly as she searched his face.

"That first time we met, I had come here to reason with you, to ask you
calmly and quietly to think about what you were doing... to appeal to
you, if you like, to put an end to your relationship with Nicholas
before it was too late."

"You actually consider trying to bribe me into ending the " affair"
reasonable?"  Tania asked drily.

"No, I don't.  And it was not what I intended to do at all, but I took
one look at you and quite honestly everything I'd planned to say... to
do went right out of my head."

"I did rather get the feeling you'd taken an instant dislike to me,"
Tania agreed as lightly as she could.  His hand was still resting on
her nape, the slow movement of his fingers now not so much soothing as
distinctly disturbing.  If she didn't fight to keep her mind distracted
she could all too easily fall into the trap of wondering what it would
be like to have his fingers.  his hands caressing her entire body.

"Dislike?"

His voice had an odd rough note in it.

"Is that what you realty thought?  No, it wasn't dislike that made me
so aggressive.  It was desire... desire and sheer bloody male jealousy.
I took one look at you and I wanted you so badly that the thought of
you being involved with any other man--never mind my own
brother-in-law--nearly drove me out of my mind.  To my shame, it wasn't
so much a need to protect Clarissa's marriage that drove me but my need
to separate you from Nicholas so that you'd be free..."  He broke off,
shaking his head tiredly.

"I shouldn't be burdening you with all this.  Not now of all times. But
men Of my age become notoriously maudlin when they fall in love. We
don't expect it, you see.  We think we know all there is to know about
the human race, especially when it comes to our own reactions. We think
we're too mature, too sensible to be caught up in the kind of emotional
maelstrom we believe is reserved only for teenagers.  That's why it
hits us so hard.  Why we react so... so stupidly."

James, in love with her.  It couldn't be true--but before she could say
so, he was telling her softly, "You shouldn't let me be here alone with
you like this, you know.  You should send me away before this whole
situation gets completely out of hand and I do something we'll both
regret."

Maybe he was right, but it was impossible for her to think straight, to
analyse and behave logically when her brain was still trying to accept
what he had told her, and she was subtly and weakeningly becoming aware
that there was somehow less space between their bodies than there had
been and that she could feel the heat coming from his;

that heat was like a silent command whispered to her own body, causing
it to react to him as immediately and obviously as though he had
commanded its response out loud.

"Tell me to leave, Tania," he demanded unsteadily.

"Otherwise..."

Tell him to leave.  But that was me last thing she wanted him to do.

She wanted to be with him.  She needed to be with him.  She had to be
with him, she recognised as she impulsively closed the distance between
them and raised her face for his kiss.

The first real kiss she had ever received, she realised shakily minutes
later, when her lips were still clinging softly to his, her heartbeat
suffocatingly loud in her ears, mirroring the erode thud of her
pulse.

It was as though the trauma of the day had set her free from the bonds
of convention and caution, as though something inside her was telling
her to reach out and take what she was being offered; and more, much
more, there was a need in her to lift the burden of guilt and pain from
James's shoulders, a need to respond to the sharp clarity of the only
truth that mattered: that here was a man whom she wanted and desired, a
man she could well even love, and, if the immediacy of their physical
coming together here tonight was something which society and convention
might judge and condemn, that didn't matter to her.  What did matter
was that life was suddenly offering her a chance to experience
something she had thought she never would experience, that now after
all these years she was being given a chance to fulfill herself as a
woman and she knew that if she ignored her need, if she ignored his
need, she would regret it for the rest of her life.  It was meant to
be.  ordained almost if such a thought were not profane.  As James
reluctantly released her mouth, he whispered against her lips, "If you
want me to go...?"  Immediately her arms tightened betrayingly around
him.

"No ... no, I don't."

Somehow or other she managed to stand still when he framed her face
with his hands and searched her expression with deep intensity.

"Is it the same for you, then?"  he asked her softly.  Which of them
was trembling, or was it both of them?

"I think so," she admitted shakily.

"I'm not used to this kind of thing.  There hasn't--' " Not even with
Lucy's father.  "

Immediately she froze.  Keeping her voice as steady as she could, she
told him flatly, "Lucy's father virtually raped me.  It was partly my
own fault.  I had no idea... I was so naive... and, to be fair to him,
I don't think he realised how inexperienced I actually was."  James was
frowning now, distancing himself a little from her.  If her admission,
her honesty had made him with draw from her, then so be it, she
reflected painfully.  There had been enough misunderstandings between
them, enough half-truths and lies.  He was obviously a sexually
experienced man; if he expected her experience to match his own, then
it was better that he knew the truth.  If he rejected her because of
her inexperience.  "And how inexperienced were you?"  he asked her
carefully, watching her.

"Completely."

"And since then?"

"Since then..."  She hesitated for a fraction of a second, looking down
at the floor and then back u; at him as she admitted honestly, "Since
then ] haven't had either the time or the inclination to become
involved either sexually or emotionally Much less with a married man
with two children."  For a moment he was so silent that she panickec
and wondered if she had said too much, admittec too much.  He was an
intelligent man.  It wouldn't take a great deal of deduction to work
out that sines she had been celibate for so long her willingness her
eagerness for this intimacy with him betrayec far more than a casual,
fleeting need to appease the physical hunger of a sexually experienced
body.

"I have maligned you, haven't I?"  he said rawl) at last.

"If it puts you off... my lack of... of experience--' Tania whispered
hesitantly.

"Puts me off..."  He groaned and slid his hands down her back to her
bottom, moulding her agains his body so that she could feel its
arousal.

"I doub that anything could put me off you.  I learned a long time ago
that sex for sex's sake has no meaning for me, no real pleasure.  I've
never yet made love with a woman I haven't respected and liked as well
as desired, but I'd long ago given up believing that I'd ever meet a
woman I could love.  Until I met you."

He lifted one hand from her body and traced the shape of her
half-parted mouth with his fingertip.

"You can't imagine what it did to my self-respect to realise that I'd
fallen in love with a woman who apparently was the complete opposite of
all the things I've always believed a woman--my woman--would be.  I
should have known better, trusted my instincts... Do you love me,
Tania?"

"I don't know," she admitted huskily, her mouth trembling, her tongue
tripping her up a little as she stumbled over the admission.

"I know I need you, I want you... That's hard enough for me to accept.
I'm not used... I never thought..."

"I shouldn't rush you... I should wait."

"No," she denied fiercely.

"No."  She looked at him, her eyes appealing to him, full of all the
words she couldn't bring herself to say.

"Yes," he said at last, as though in answer to a spoken question.

"Perhaps tonight was meant to be ... a catharsis for both of us.

Although.  " He frowned suddenly as she looked questioningly,
trustingly up to him.

"What?"

"Nothing," he told her softly, smiling down at her.

"Nothing at all."

Suddenly she felt slightly awkward, ill at ease and uncertain, not sure
what to do.  Would he expect her to suggest they went to her bedroom?

Silently she cursed her previously un regretted lack of experience.

What was the done thing in such circumstances?  This was her home.  She
was a mature adult woman, who had had no qualms about admitting that
she wanted to make love with him, so why did she now experience this
reluctance, this reticence?

"Tania."

The sound of her name made her look up at him.  He took hold of her
hand as he smiled down at her, linking his fingers through hers.  His
grip was strong and firm, safe.

"You don't have to do this, you know," he told her quietly.

"Not unless you want to."

"I want to," she assured him shakily, knowing that it was true.

"I

want to," she repeated with a wry laugh.

"But that doesn't stop me being scared to death."

"Does it help to know that I'm scared too?"

She stared at him and queried disbelievingly, "You?"

"Mm.  I want so much to please you, to give you all that you've never
known, and I'm terrified that if I don't ... if I can't, that you'll
turn away from me."  His mouth was just a breath away from her own. She
had an overwhelming need to reach up and claim it.  As though he sensed
what she was feeling, he bent his head, feathering her mouth with
his.

Immediately a surge of pleasure swamped her, her lips parting beneath
his in blind, instinctive need.

Tania.  "

She moaned softly deep in her throat as he pulled her closer to his
body, her hips moving automatically, eagerly against him.  She wanted
his kiss never to end.  Her starved senses soaked up the sensations he
was arousing inside her like parched earth absorbing much- needed
rain.

When his hands swept up over her back and under her arms, she moved
instinctively, easing her body away from his so that his hands could
cup her breasts.

She might never have known these sensations be fore, but her body
certainly recognised them, welcomed them, hungered for them, she
realised dizzily, her breathing a stifled whimper of anguished need and
disappointment as James removed his hands from her body.

"Shush... It's all right," he told her, pushing her hair back off her
face with tender fingers, soothing her with a kiss that began as a
gentle caress of reassurance but quickly hardened to urgent desire as
he felt her eager response.

When she felt him unfastening the buttons on her shirt, her whole body
went tense with excitement.  Long before he had laid bare the soft,
pale skin of her breasts, her nipples were taut with arousal, her
throat and face flushed with the need that pulsed so strongly inside
her.

The way he looked at her, the way he touched her made her catch her
breath in a mingling of pain and pride.  He made no attempt to conceal
his emotional response to the intimacy between them.  No man had ever
touched her like this before, and neither had she ever thought she
would want one to, and yet when James sank down into the armchair
behind him, pulling her down on to his lap, his breath warm against her
naked skin, she felt such a tumult of sensation inside her that it was
all she could do not to imprison his head with her hands and urge him
to take the pulsing eagerness of her breasts into his mouth.  He seemed
to know just what it was she wanted, though, caressing first the taut
line of her throat, pausing at its base for a second while her heart
kicked beneath his hand and her body trembled with eagerness and
need.

When he cupped her breast with his hand and gently ran his thumb over
its hard centre, she moaned out loud, the sharp sound dying abruptly as
he bent his head and lovingly took her erect nipple into the moist
paradise of his mouth.

She had never dreamed there could be such a feeling, such a need, such
a torment that' was so intense.  so immediate.  so far out of her
control that she could do nothing other than clutch at the soft
darkness of his hair with fingers suddenly rigid and tense as her
heartbeat accelerated to a more frantic drumming.

The sweet torment of his long slow suckling of first one breast and
then the other brought down the last of her emotional barriers.  No man
who did not love her could have caressed her like this.  And no man she
did not love in return could have aroused her so immediately and so
intensely.

When he finally raised his head from her glistening breasts, she heard
him mutter raggedly into her throat, "My God, you're like no other
woman I've ever known.  You do things to me."

She felt him shudder and immediately wrapped her arms around him in the
eternal feminine gesture of strength and knowledge, savouring her
awareness that in her arms he was as weak, as vulnerable as a mere
child, and yet at the same time.  As she moved against him and felt
his arousal, her body melted and ached inside, yearned and demanded.

He moved slightly away from her, taking off his jacket and his shirt.

His chest was broad and tanned, his arms hard with strong muscles that
her fingertips just ached to explore.  In the lamplight she could see
that dark cross of hair that bisected his chest horizontally and
tapered diagonally from his breastbone to where it disappeared beneath
his belt.

"Stop looking at me like that," he told her unevenly as he gathered her
back in his arms, easing her down against him, kissing her fiercely,
his chest expanding and pushing against the softness of her breasts so
that their tenderness was intensified by the urgent movement of his
body against her own.

Wrapped in an invisible blanket of languid pleasure, she lay motionless
and bemused as he undressed her, watching with appreciative, fascinated
eyes as he quickly removed his own clothes and lifted her gently down
on to the floor where he lay down beside her.

When she reached out instinctively to touch him, he stopped her,
gathering both her hands in his and kissing her open palms.

"No, not yet," he told her thickly.

"If you do..."

As his body shuddered, her own trembled in response Still holding her
hands, he bent his head and kissed the soft roundness of her belly.

She drew in her breath automatically, startled by the thrill of
sensation that ran through her, at her body's uninhibited eagerness to
offer itself up to deeper intimacies.

But even as she tried to check that small betraying arch of her spine,
that tiny quiver that convulsed her, James had released her hands and
was covering the soft-fleshed mound of her femininity with one hand
while the other slid beneath her and his lips moved eagerly over her
tender skin, refusing to al low her to deny him the intimacy he
wanted.

The sensation of him touching her there, at the most intimate heart of
her body, was so fiercely pleasurable that to withstand the exquisite
sensation flooding through her was impossible.

As her body writhed in helpless abandonment to his touch she cried out
his name, wanting him, aching for him, reaching for him, wrapping
herself eagerly around him as he kissed his way back up her body to her
mouth, telling her hoarsely how much he wanted her as he lifted her
against him and entered her gently but determinedly.  Had he guessed
how apprehensive she was about this; how vulnerable to his physical
possession?  As she opened her eyes and looked wonderingly at him, he
told her rawly, "It's all right.  I'm not going to hurt you.  If you
want me to stop you only have to say."

If she wanted him to stop?  His body moved within her own and her fear
fell away drowned by the tide of sensation that rolled through her.

She might never have experienced this kind of sensation before, might
have never known that it existed, but her body, her senses, seemed to
know instinctively how to respond to it.

She could feel the heavy, uneven thud of James's heartbeat, hear the
harsh rasp of each shuddering indrawn breath, feel the growing tension
and need within his body, a need and tension echoed deep within her own
flesh, a driven aching need for fulfilment that made her turn her head
frantically from side to side, her fingers digging into his skin as she
arched up against him, inciting him to in crease the fierce driving
rhythm that was now the focus of her whole world.

An awareness that such need, such intensity could not be endured for
too long made her cry out imploringly to him, a jumble of words which
made no logical sense and yet at the same time which said everything.

And then unbelievably, suddenly, she was there in that special place
she had heard about, read about, and always privately felt she would
never experience, and the joy and the wonder of it brought tears to
her eyes and clamped tight her throat so that while James shuddered
helplessly against her all she could do was bury her face against his
throat and bold him tight in a wordless gesture of delight, awe and
exhaustion.

When he turned her gently on to her side and wrapped her tenderly in
his arms, kissing her softly and lingeringly, she felt as boneless and
fluid as a length of silk, as feline and replete as a basking cat, and
fulfilled in a way she had never dreamed possible for anyone, never
mind imagined experiencing herself.

"I want to spend the night with you," James told her softly.

"I want to wake up with you in my arms.  To know that this wasn't all
just an illusion, an impossible fantasy.  But perhaps not this time.
There's Lucy to consider Sleepily she nodded her head.  Yes, there was
Lucy to consider and, delightful though the prospect of waking up with
him next to her in the morning was, common sense and caution warned her
against giving in to such an impulse.

And besides, right now.  right now she felt far too bemused, far too
complete.  far too.  She yawned hugely and closed her eyes and almost
instantly was deeply asleep.

As he felt her body relax in his arms, James looked down at her.

It had hit him so unexpectedly, so unwantedly, | this need for her,
this desire, this overwhelming tide of emotion and hunger.  He knew he
had mshed her, perhaps even using a time of great emotional
vulnerability and anxiety against her; taking advantage of it to draw
her into a deeper intimacy than she would otherwise have allowed him.

And he had made love to her without taking any precautions to protect
her from an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.

Soberly he studied her.  How would she feel when she woke up?  He
wished he could stay with her, but he had promised Nicholas that he
would be waiting for him when he returned from the clinic.  He sighed,
feeling the first sharp knifing of a resentment against both his
brother-in-law and against Clarissa herself in her possessive
dependence on him.

She would not easily accept the existence of an other woman in his
life, especially not one who was more important to him than she was
herself.  And especially not this woman.

CHAPTER EIGHT

tania awoke to the most glorious sense of wellbeing she could ever
remember experiencing in her life.  She stretched languorously and
lazily beneath the bedclothes before she realised just where the lovely
sensation of hedonistic relaxation came from.  Then she tensed and
looked wildly around her bedroom as though expecting James to suddenly
materialise out of thin air.

James.  James Warren had come here last night and she.  She sat bolt
upright, hugging her arms protectively around her knees and took a deep
breath.  There was no use trying to hide from it.  Last night she and
James Warren had been lovers.

Lovers.  She shivered a little at the easy, tempting- way the word slid
into her mind.  And yet.  and yet to describe what had happened between
them as merely sex was neither honest nor fair, she recognised.  Theirs
had not been a mere casual sexual encounter to be quickly brushed aside
and forgotten.

James had been open and honest with her about his feelings, about his
desire for her.  And she.  She shivered again, unable to remember
exactly what

 she might or might not have verbally betrayed to him during the
intense emotional heat of their passion.

All she could remember was that James had made it plain to her that he
wanted a continuing relationship with her.  He had fallen in love with
her, he had said.  She started to shake, tears suddenly filling her
eyes.  Oh, God, what was happening to her?  She had known the first
moment she saw him how dangerously attracted she was to him, but then
she had never dreamed.  never imagined that he had been equally aware
of her.

But last night he had told her, shown her.  Last night should never
have happened, she berated herself guiltily.  What on earth had
happened to her normal caution and reserve?  Why, she had practically
invited him to make love to her.  virtually insisted and begged.  "Mum!
Is it time to get up yet?  And can I go round and see Susan?  I want to
tell her all about the puppy James is going to give me."

Quickly rubbing away her tears, Tania forced herself to respond easily
and lightly to Lucy's good morning hug.  Fortunately her daughter
appeared to have emerged from what could have been a traumatic and
haunting experience with no apparent aftereffects, and it would be
foolish of her to start behaving in an emotional and possibly alarming
 way towards Lucy, just because she was so conscious of how easily her
precious child could have been hurt physically and emotionally, perhaps
even permanently damaged by Clarissa Forbes's jealousy.  If James
hadn't gone round to see his sister when he had.  If.  If she hadn't
stopped to serve that woman, but had gone to meet Lucy as she had said
she would.  If Clarissa hadn't seen her walking alone in the street
If.So many ifs, but there was no point in torturing herself and
possibly up setting Lucy by dwelling on them.  It was enough that she
would have to spend the rest of her life carrying the burden of knowing
how vulnerable Lucy had been.

Well, from now on she intended to make sure that Lucy's safety was
never put at risk in that way again.  From now on.  As Lucy wriggled
away from her she heard her saying excitedly, "I haven't chosen a name
for the puppy yet.  Mummy.  I'm going to ask James what he thinks.  I
like him, don't you?"

"What?"

Tania focused on Lucy's bright, happy face.

"James, Mum."  Lucy repeated patiently.

"I like him."

"Yes... yes he's very nice," Tania agreed automatically James had saved
her daughter's life.  Had been there for Lucy to protect her from harm
when she herself had not.  An odd ache, a strange tug of emotion which
was both gratitude and a little resentment.  a little jealousy pulled
at her heart.  She had seen the obvious affection and trust that Lucy
felt for James when he had first brought her home.

Had seen it and had somehow felt excluded from it.

Was that what had driven her so precipitately into James' arms?  Was
that why.

She turned her head to gaze unfocusedly out of her bedroom window.

Why not admit it?  she derided herself inwardly.  You're hopelessly,
helplessly, totally, idiotically in love with the man, and you know
it.

"Mum."  Lucy was shaking her arm impatiently.

"When are you going to get up?  I'm hungry and I want to go round and
tell Susie about my puppy."

"I'm getting up now," Tania assured her, but she couldn't stop herself
from adding protectively, "I don't think it would be a good idea to go
round to Susan's today, poppet."

Instantly Lucy's face fell as she protested, "But, Mum..."  The phone
rang before Tania could speak.  As she picked up the receiver she knew
her heart had started to pound far too fast.  Her hand felt cold and
clammy, and her voice when she said the number was high and very
strained.

Tania, it's Ann.  I just thought I'd give you a ring and see how you're
feeling.  "

Ann.  Her heart plummeted downwards like a sky diver without a
parachute, the sickness of disappointment knotting her stomach.  Stupid
of her to have assumed that it must be James.

"I'm fine.  We both are," Tania told her, forcing herself to smile so
that her friend would not pick up the disappointment she was feeling.

"I'll tell you all about it, but not now.  It seems Clarissa Forbes
happened to see Lucy walking down the street and picked her up.  James
found her there when he went round to see Clarissa.  He said that
Clarissa has had some kind of breakdown."

"A breakdown?  The woman must be totally insane to do a thing like
that!"  Ann expostulated acidly.

"How's Lucy?"

"Bright as a button, with no apparent aftereffects," Tania told her
wryly.

"James has promised her a puppy and she seems more concerned about that
than anything else."

"Susie keeps asking when she can see her."

"Not today," Tania told her quickly, and then added huskily, "I feel as
though I can hardly bear to let her out of my sight at the moment."

She spoke softly, keeping her voice low so that Lucy, who was at the
other side of the room, couldn't hear her.

"Well, that's understandable enough," Ann responded gently.

"But for Lucy's sake perhaps it would be better not to fuss over her
too much.  If she isn't showing any aftereffects..."  Sensible advice,
but not the advice Tania really wanted to hear.  She had an atavistic,
deep-rooted need to keep her daughter as close to her side as possible.
It would be a long time before the events of yesterday were something
she could remember without terror, if ever.  Having assured Ann that
she would be sending Lucy to school in the morning as usual, she said
goodbye and replaced the receiver.  Would James ring her?  Would he
perhaps come and see her?  And if he did, what would he say to her . or
she to him?  What had seemed so perfect, so natural last night, now
this morning seemed to have been an alien, bewildering "act on her
part; something she had never even remotely imagined herself doing, the
kind of intimacy which was surely too much; far too fast.

And yet.  And yet.  even as the thoughts formed, her body, as though
rebelling against them, gave a tiny little shiver, reminding her of the
pleasure James had shown her, had given her, had shared with her, and a
weakening wave of tenderness and longing swept over her.  An hour
later, breakfast over, Lucy resigned if not altogether happy about the
fact that they would be spending the entire day together, she was
trying to coax her daughter into a more enthusiastic frame of mind
about how they could best spend the day, when Lucy, who had been
looking out of the sit ting-room window, suddenly cried out excitedly,
"It's James, Mum, James is here!"

Immediately Tania leapt out of her chair and rushed over to the window,
stopping abruptly be fore she got there, her face flushed as she chewed
frantically on her bottom lip, torn between apprehension and delight.

James here.  What was she going to say to him?  What was he going to
say to her?  She stood un certainly where she was.  How awful if he had
caught her rushing over to the window to gaze at him like a lovesick
teenager, and yet when she heard him ring their private doorbell at the
rear entrance to the building her heart pounded as idiotically as
though she were that age.

"I'll go and let him in," Lucy announced excitedly, bounding out of the
room before she could stop her.

She heard Lucy chattering enthusiastically to him as they came up the
stairs, and suddenly wished despairingly that she were wearing
something more sophisticated than her old worn jeans and the baggy
sweatshirt with the Mickey Mouse motif on it which Lucy had chosen for
her.

She kept her back to the door as Lucy pushed it open, cravenly trying
to pretend she was engrossed in the newspaper article she was trying to
read.

"Mum, James wants us to go to his house and have lunch with him there,"
Lucy announced excitedly as she burst into the room.  She dropped the
paper, the words of denial springing to her lips, her emotions
immediately shying away from the intimacy Lucy's words conjured up, but
even as she started to make the denial she was looking at him and
seeing the lines of strain and anxiety tensing his face, and her
resistance, her apprehension, her doubts melted in the heat that
suddenly filled her.

"I would have been here earlier," he was telling her huskily, 'but
there were things we had to do.  Formalities to attend to.  The police
have agreed not to make any charges against Clarissa for the time
being, pending her specialist's report on her mental condition.

"Nicholas and I both went to see him this morning.  It's just as well
the boys are back at school."  He looked so grave, so worn down that
somehow she was beside him, placing her hand comfortingly on his arm.

Unlike her he was formally dressed; in a dark suit, a crisp white
shirt, a sober tie, almost like a man wearing mourning, she reflected
as she studied the shadows and hollows of his face.

"The specialist believes she will recover, given time.  It's come to
light that there was some sort of minor crisis when Clive was born, but
I was away at the time, and the doctor put it down to post-baby
blues.

However, now, with hindsight, the specialist feels that it could have
been the trigger for this latest attack.  "

"But Clive is seven years old."

"I know, but in the specialist's view..."  He shrugged almost
helplessly.

Tania forced herself to ask him, "And Clarissa, how is she in
herself?"

She knew that it was only her love for him, her compassion for and
aching understanding of all that he wasn't saying, but which she could
see written so clearly in his eyes, that made her ask the question

Right now she was finding it hard to summon up much sympathy for
Clarissa.  All she could think was how easily James's stepsister might
have harmed her own child.

"Deeply sedated at the moment, and for some time to come.  I thought
you and Lucy might like to come back to Dove Court and have lunch with
me.  Rupert is there," he added for Lucy's benefit, explaining tiredly
to Tania, "I offered to take charge of him for Nicholas.  He's going
to have enough on his plate what with his work and visiting both
Clarissa and the boys.  Of course, I'll be sharing the visiting with
him.  Lucidly I haven't any overseas trips planned at the moment, and I
can shift my work around so that I can spend some time with Clarissa
during the day when Nicholas is working."

Tania didn't like the jealousy that filled her as she listened to these
plans.  Of course he would want to visit his stepsister, to make sure
she was receiving the very best of treatment.  She must not forget that
James loved Clarissa, just as she loved Lucy.  But James was not
Clarissa's father, she told her self rebelliously and a little
bitterly.  There wasn't even any real blood relationship between
them.

Which surely made James's concern for her all the more praiseworthy.

She had no right to feel jealous, to feel angry almost as though in
wanting to see his stepsister James was somehow being disloyal to
her.

However, it was one thing to tell herself logically she was being both
unfair and a little ridiculous; it was another thing altogether to
translate these admirable thoughts into an emotion strong enough to
wipe out the dark feelings possessing her.

"It's very good of you to call," she told him coolly, ignoring the way
his expression changed, weariness giving way to a sharp look of
disquiet, of pain almost as she added curtly, "Unfortunately I'm
afraid we shan't be able to have lunch with you.  I've already turned
down an invitation from Ann Fielding and quite honestly, I feel that
for the moment, I want to spend as much time as possible with Lucy.
Just the two of us."

The tiny shiver she gave wasn't forced, nor was the sudden shadowing of
her eyes, or the way her hands trembled, and she saw from the way that
he was looking at her that James knew quite well what had caused them
"I'm more sorry than I can say about what happened with Lucy," he told
her in a low.  voice so that Lucy herself could not overhear them.

"And I do understand your need to be with her, to protect her.  But no
good purpose will be served by your being over-protective towards her.
All you'll do is stifle her, cause her--' It was too much.  Tania
turned on him immediately, snapping bitterly, " How dare you accuse me
of being over protective, when you can't even admit that you've spoiled
and protected your own stepsister, a grown woman, not a child, so much
that you're the pivot for her whole life.  "

She regretted the cruel words the moment she had uttered them, and knew
that it was jealousy and fear that had drawn them from her heart like
poisoned arrows which she had let fly at him, wanting to wound and
hurt.  He had gone pale, whether with anger or anguish she could not
tell.

"You're quite right, of course," he told her stiffly.

"I am the last person to criticise, although in Clarissa's case...
Well, emotionally, mentally she was never lucky enough to have the
resilience of your Lucy.  Perhaps when you're feeling in a more ...
receptive frame of mind I can tell you a little about her background.
And, before you say it, maybe I am making excuses for her, or looking
for reasons."  His voice was toneless, hollow and drained of all
emotion as he turned away from her.

"Perhaps that's the only way I can alleviate my own burden of guilt."
He turned back to her and demanded fiercely, "Do you really not suppose
that I have asked myself over and over again how much of this whole
sorry mess is my fault?  How much of the blame lies on my shoulders,
how much of Clarissa's unfortunate weakness, her dependence, her
jealousy has been, if unknowingly, fostered by me?"  He looked so
tormented, so stripped of the pride and self-assurance that had seemed
so much a part of him that instinctively she sought to comfort him,
forgetting her own fears, her own feelings, as she placed her hand
comfortingly on his arm and said shakily, "You mustn't blame
yourself."

"Mustn't I?"  His voice was self-derisive.

"How can I do otherwise?"

"Mum, when are we going to see James's house?"  Lucy demanded, breaking
into their conversation.

It was James who started to answer her, beginning wearily, "Perhaps
another time--' " We're going just as soon as you've got your coat on,"
Tania interrupted him quickly.

"And you can bring my jacket for me as well, please," she called after
her as Lucy rushed out of the room.  When they were on their own she
looked at James and added huskily, "That's if the invitation still
stands."

"It still stands," James assured her.

His hands were on her arms now, drawing her close to him, his breath
warm against her skin as he lowered his lips to her ear and whispered
softly, "And I still haven't told you how much last night meant to
me."

She had started to tremble.  Automatically her arms went round him,
holding nun close, her heart beat racing with excitement and tension,
as her body recognised the heat and arousal of his.

"I want you so much," he groaned against her ear.

"I came here today determined to behave in a mature and controlled
fashion to reassure you that, while last night was the most wonderful
night of my life, I could control my desire for you and take things
slowly, allow you all the time you needed to get to know me, to talk
things over sensibly and maturely, and yet now, with you in my arms,
all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you... to touch you,
to hold you the way I held you last night and to make love to you until
you make those same little sounds of pleasure against my skin, until
you..."

His lips were caressing her throat in between the husky words he was
whispering to her.  She was trembling violently, her body reacting as
urgently and eagerly as his.  She closed her eyes, tilting her head to
one side and whimpering huskily with plea sure as his mouth devoured
the exposed column of her throat.  Another second or so and he would be
touching her mouth, caressing it with his lips, gently at first,
delicately as though she were the most delicate and precious thing on
earth, and then less gently, and more passionately, far more
passionately until.  "Mum, I've got your jacket."

Her eyes opened, her body tensing as she tried automatically to step
back from James, but he refused to release her so that when Lucy
bounded into the room he was standing with one arm around her.

Lucy seemed completely unperturbed by their intimacy, coming over to
her and handing her her jacket.

"Is Rupert really staying with you?"  she asked James as they all
headed downstairs.

"Yes, he is indeed," James assured her, and then added, "I think you
and I might have a go at training him, and teaching him some sense.

What do you say?  "

"Oh, yes, let's," Lucy agreed quickly, and when Tania had finished
locking the door, she turned round to discover that Lucy had slipped
her hand into James's and was standing gazing up at him with something
very close to adoration in her eyes.

Fear clutched at Tania's stomach, fear not just for herself but for her
child as well.  Things were happening too quickly, and too intensely.
She had no experience of this kind of thing, no previous knowledge by
which she could judge the present situation.  Instinct warned her to be
cautious, but when James turned and looked at her and smiled at her the
way he was doing right now, it was difficult to remember to be
cautious, difficult to remember anything at all other than me way he
made her feel when he touched her.

"No, Mum.  You sit in the front with James," Lucy instructed her
firmly, when James had unlocked the car door, and settled Lucy safely
in the rear seatbelt.

Confused, Tania hesitated, standing beside the rear door, until James
said softly, "Yes, Tania, you come and sit beside me.  Please.*
Willingly she did so, fumbling with the seatbelt until he took it from
her and gently slotted it into place, smiling at her the whole time, so
that even though he hadn't actually touched her body she was sharply
aware of how much he would have liked to do so, of how easily, had they
been alone, he might have slid his hands over her body and caressed her
breasts, as he had done last night.  Her chest felt tight, her breath
had become erratic, beneath her sweatshirt she felt the sudden
tightening of her nipples and her face flushed with mortification.  She
could feel James looking at her, and prayed that he wasn't able to read
her mind.  That she, she who had never really experienced any kind of
wanton sexual urges or impulses, should now feel this, react like this,
ache like this... She bit her lip, worrying it, believing that her
thoughts, her feelings were known only to herself until James set the
car in motion and told her softly, " It's just the same for me, you
know.  And contrary to popular myth the majority of men do not enjoy
wanting one particular woman so much that the mere thought of her is
enough to bring them to intense physical arousal.  especially not once
they get to my age.

"Don't look at me like that," he told her roughly, when she turned
towards him, an involuntary protest on her lips, even while her eyes
were rounding with shocked excitement.

"Don't," he repeated.

"Otherwise there's no way I'm going to be able to keep my hands off
you."

Why was it that her body reacted to his words more as though they were
a promise than a threat?

Trying to fight against the sensations quivering inside her she turned
round to ask Lucy if she was all right, all too conscious of her
flushed skin and husky voice.

Perhaps it was because she had never experienced passion before, never
imagined it could ever be something she would know at first hand, never
believed or considered that she would want with such intensity that she
was so bowled over by what she was feeling, alternately bewildered and
bemused by it, torn between awed delight and sharp fear as she
recognised how drastically, how permanently what she was feeling was
going to change her life.  There was no going back now, no way she
could wipe out what had happened and return to her safe, unawakened
state.  Even if she never saw James again, even if she shut him out of
her life completely, she could never obliterate me memories he had
given her; the feelings, the emotions, the needs.  No, she would never
be able to wipe her emotions or her body free of their knowledge of
him.  She felt the car slowing down and turned her head, focusing on
her surroundings.  They were taming in through a minute pair of gate
lodges, shaped like dovecotes.

"Hence the name of the house," James told her wryly, aware of her small
start of pleasure.

"Not original features of the house, though.

That was built in sixteen hundred and odd.  These were added round
about eighteen-fifty when the estate was bought by the first Warren to
settle here.  He apparently built them to please his new bride. 
Perhaps after all I oughtn't to be so surprised at the way I'm reacting
to you. It isn't as though I'm the first Warren male to fall helplessly
and very deeply in love.  "

Lucy wasn't listening to them; she was too busy exclaiming her
excitement as James drove down the long gravel drive.  The lawns that
swept back from it were covered in fallen leaves from the trees that
lined the drives and dotted the green parkland, many of them probably
rare specimens, Tania reflected, trying not to give in to her growing
awe.

When she had glimpsed the house from the river, she had not realised it
might -be so impressive, so stately, and it was almost a relief when
they rounded the final bend and she saw the house in front of her to
realise that it was not after all the imposing edifice she had been
dreading, but rather a delightful creeper-clad three-storeyed building
of simple proportions built in what she later discovered was a classic
H shape out of soft russet coloured bricks.  James stopped the car,
allowing her to' study the house in silence until Lucy exclaimed
impatiently, "Where's Rupert?

Can I play outside with him, please, James?  "

"After your mother and I have had a cup of tea, we'll all go for a walk
through the grounds," James promised her, and then, turning to Tania,
he said simply and quietly, "Welcome to what I hope one day very soon
will become your new home, Tania, my beloved."

CHAPTER NINE

tears stung Tania's eyes.  She reached shakily for the seatbelt
release, letting her hair slide forward protectively to conceal her
expression from James.

This place her home?  Nothing could have been a greater contrast to her
inner city flat, and yet instead of feeling awed or intimidated as she
walked with James into the magnificent tiled hallway she felt as though
the house were actually welcoming her.

The soft sounds of creaking wood, the scent of beeswax polish from the
panelling, and apple logs from the open fire; all of them were somehow
familiar and warming.  It was as though the house itself were murmuring
its appreciation of her, settling warmly around her.

On the polished oak table next to the huge jug of autumn flowers stood
a large silver framed photograph.  She focused on it automatically,
catching her breath as she recognised a much, much younger James
standing between an older man and woman.  The young girl standing at
his side must surely be Clarissa.

As though he sensed what she was thinking, James moved over to the
table and picked up the photograph.

"My father and Clarissa's mother shortly after they were married.  He'd
been a very lonely man after my mother's death and Harriet made him
very, very happy--' He was about to say something else, but broke off
as they heard a sharp volley of shrill barks from behind one of the
doors.  Someone opened it from the other side, and Rupert came rushing
out to greet them all with ecstatic, enthusiastic barks and licks.  Tie
plump, rather breathless woman following him apologised, " I am sorry,
Mr.  Warren, but he was that excited.  "

"Don't worry about it, Jane.  While you're here let me introduce you to
Ms Carter and her daughter, Lucy."

He drew Tania forward, standing behind her, with his hands placed
lightly and yet very possessively on her shoulders as she shook hands
with the older woman.

As he introduced her to Jane Williams, his house keeper, Tania
reflected ruefully that he was making their relationship more than
plain to the older woman, but if she was either surprised by or
disapproving of it she did not betray it in the genuinely warm and
welcoming smile she gave Tania, before turning to Lucy and exclaiming
with pleasure, "So this is the young lady who is going to take this
rascal Rupert out of my kitchen for a little while."

"I'm afraid Jane is finding Rupert something of a trial," James told
Tania after the housekeeper had excused herself to finish preparing
lunch.

"It isn't that she's anti-animal, far from it.  The kitchen is in fact
ruled by an extremely large and lazy cat which she spoils to death, but
Rupert's manners leave something to be desired, I'm afraid to say.  I
said to Clarissa when she bought him that she'd be better off with a
more placid breed, a retriever or a labrador but no, she'd set her
heart on having a King Charles, and, quite irresponsibly, totally
refused to make any attempt to train him.  It's not the dog's fault. 
He had a nice enough nature, but he's already caused a commotion
locally by escaping and putting up some of the birds Colonel Walters
was raising for his annual shoot.  Prior to that he nearly drowned
himself chasing ducks in the mill pond at Mill House."

"Can you train him, or is it too late?"  Tania asked him.  Now that
they were alone, Lucy having gone with Jane to the kitchen to see the
aforementioned cat, she suddenly felt unbearably self-conscious and
nervous.

"No, it's not too late," James told her and then came towards her,
stopping a few feet short of her, to ask her gently, "What is it?  Are
you really so frightened of me?"  She shook her head immediately, half
laughing at her own vulnerability as she admitted, "No, not of you. But
I am frightened of... well, of everything else."

For a moment he obviously didn't understand.  He frowned and looked
around the pleasant sitting- room in which they were standing and asked
quietly, "The house.  The house frightens you?"

"No, not the house.  This ... this thing between us."  She still could
not bring herself to put her emotions into words, to say as he had done
that she loved him.

"It's all happened so quickly, so unexpectedly."  He came to her, and
took hold of her hands, holding them firmly in his own.

"Are you trying to tell me you've had second thoughts?  That you don't
want me?  That last night?"

"No," she interrupted him honestly.

"It's not that.  I may not have your experience, I may not have had any
previous experience at all really, but I know that..."  She paused,
took a deep breath, looked up at him and admitted openly, "I know that
what we had what we shared last night was some thing very special,
something... something rare and precious, and I can't regret it.  But
there are so many problems, so much..."

"You're thinking about Clarissa?"  he asked her.

Slowly Tania nodded her head.  She hadn't wanted to voice her doubts,
her apprehensions.  She hadn't wanted to reveal to him what she
considered to be her own small-mindedness, but she felt as though her
own deep-rooted antagonism towards Clarissa was like a tiny speck of
poison, so small now that one could hardly believe it could ever in any
remote way harm the way she felt about him, and yet at the same time
instinct told her that it was something that did threaten any future
happiness they might otherwise share, and that in burying it, in
ignoring it she would be allowing it to grow and fester.  Clarissa was
James's stepsister.  He had always loved and protected her.  It was
only natural that he should be concerned for her, should even make
excuses for her, and Tania doubted if she would ever be totally able to
come to terms with his love for her, or with his need to protect her.

Just as she doubted that Clarissa would ever be able to accept another
woman, any other woman in her brother's life.  Privately she didn't
know if she hadj the temperament the patience or the compassion to
deal with Clarissa's dangerous and neurotic behaviour, and then even
if she was prepared to do so, to make herself tolerate and accept
Clarissa's role in James' life, how could she even think of allowing
Lucy to be exposed to her venom a second time?

Much as she wanted James, much as she loved him, ached for him, needed
him, how could there really be a future for them together when Clarissa
would always be there between them?  Even if she was the kind of woman
who could ask him to banish Clarissa from his life, even if he was the
kind of man who was prepared to do so, how could any kind of deep and
lasting love grow between them if she forced him to make that kind of
decision?  How could she live with herself if she did so, never mind
expect James to live with her and love her?  And yet how could they
have any chance of building a life together, a secure safe life for
their love, for Lucy and for the children they themselves might have if
Clarissa was always there, constantly're minding her of what had
happened, of how she had threatened Lucy's safety?

It was a problem to which there was no answer, and now, seeing the
anguish and pain in James's eyes, she whispered achingly through numb
lips, "Can't you see I have to think of Lucy ... the risk?"

"Yes.  Yes," James agreed heavily.

"I can see that.  But Tania... please let me explain about Clarissa.
Sit down for a moment."

Reluctantly Tania did so, her eyes wary as James led her to the
comfortably cushioned and plump settee with its soft brocade cover, the
fabric rich and warm beneath her fingertips.  He sat down next to her,
taking hold of her free hand and keeping it within his own.

"Clarissa's father deserted Clarissa's mother when she was seven years
old.  Prior to that he had treated Harriet abysmally, even to the point
of trying to turn Clarissa against her mother.  When he finally left
the family to go and live with a woman who had been his lover for a
number of years Clarissa was heartbroken, so much so that Harriet
actually feared for her life.  At first Clarissa blamed her mother
totally for her father's absence, and then apparently she began to
blame herself;

to believe that it was because of something she had done wrong that her
father had to her mind rejected her.

"I don't think any adult can really understand what goes on inside a
vulnerable child's mind, can really know the damage that we selfishly
cause when we ignore the claims of emotions of those children and allow
our own feelings, our own needs to take priority.

"Apparently Clarissa became very withdrawn emotionally, going from
refusing to accept that her father had actually gone, to refusing to
allow his name to be mentioned in her hearing.  Even years later when
her mother married my father, she still couldn't bear to hear her
father's name mentioned.  She never saw him again after he left her
mother.  He remarried and went to live abroad.

"When she came here to live she seemed to attach herself to me.  I felt
heartily sorry for her--I'd lost my own mother, but I'd been older,
known more about the world... and I'd lost her in a different way;

There wasn't the same sense of betrayal as Clarissa had experienced.

"Perhaps with hindsight I did allow her to become too attached to me,
too dependent on me, but, as with all these things, by the time I saw
the danger the damage was done and it was too late to draw back without
hurting Clarissa desperately, without, in her eyes at least, deserting
her as her father had done.  That was why I was so anxious that you
shouldn't break up her marriage.  I knew how vulnerable she was,
how..."

"Yes," Tania agreed shakily.

"I do understand.  But understanding doesn't change anything, James,"
she told him sadly.

"It doesn't alter the fact that we both know that Clarissa will always
resent any other woman you take into your life, and in my case--' " You
want me to cut her out of my life, to--' "No," she told him vehemently,
angry that he should think her so selfish.

"No, of course I don't.  How could you?  No.  I'm not asking anything
from you.  Or, at least, not anything like that.  What I am asking is
that you let me go.  That you let me go now, before it's too late and I
don't have any will or ability to go.  I'm just as capable of reacting
emotionally or feeling jealousy as Clarissa," she told him gravely.

"I don't want what we feel for one another, what we've already shared
to become soured and tainted by my inability to come to terms with
Clarissa's presence in your life, just as I can't allow Lucy to be
exposed to Clarissa's jealousy.  Don't you see, James?  It isn't enough
that we want one another, that we love one another.  And I can't bear
to stand and watch us destroying one another, because I know that's
what will happen.  I can't help it.  I can't trust Clarissa.  I don't
like her.  I'd never feel comfortable, or at ease.

That's my fault, not hers.  "

She paused, tears glistening in her eyes as they beseeched him to
understand that this wasn't what she wanted, that what she wanted--all
she wanted--was him, but how could she bear it if she gave in to that
need only to discover one day that he was looking at her not with love
but with resentment with bitterness?

"No," he agreed heavily.

"Perhaps you're right and love is not enough.

I can't blame you for the way you feel about Clarissa "And I can
understand your need to protect her.  Perhaps if I had a more generous
nature..."

He shook his head.

"No.  And you do have a generous nature."  He turned her hand over in
his own and lifted it to his mouth, feathering her palm with his lips
as he muttered hoarsely, "The most generous nature."  And then he took
her in his arms, holding her tightly against him while he told her
rawly, "Oh, God, Tania.  I don't think I can bear this.  To have waited
so long, to have found you and then..."

"Yes," she agreed tonelessly.

"It might almost have been better, kinder if we had not--' " No," he
denied savagely.

"No.  I can never regret having known you, having loved you... Last
night... Oh, my God, Tania.  Last night, I didn't use any precautions.
I even hoped that you might conceive my child.  I thought it would bind
us closer together."

A terrible pain gripped her.  James's child.  If she had conceived. But
what was the point in looking for loopholes?  Even if she had conceived
James's child, what good would it do her?  What good would it do any of
them?  All it would do was add to their existing burdens, to Clarissa's
uncontrollable jealousy, and she would have another life to worry
about, another burden of fear to carry.  But James's child.  Her
stomach clenched and ached unbearably almost as though her womb were
actu ally crying out for that conception.

Outside the door she could hear Lucy's voice.  She pulled away from
James, unable to look at him as he released her.  Unable to look at
anyone.

She knew that her eyes were betrayingly damp, that her whole face gave
away her misery and anguish.  She got up clumsily and walked over to
the window, barely seeing the lovely scene outside.  Why, why had this
had to happen to her?  It seemed so unfair.  It was so unfair.

The remainder of the day was sheer agony for her.  She acquitted James
of doing it deliberately; in truth she could see that he was fighting
desperately hard not to respond to Lucy's obvious pleasure in his
company, but to have rejected her open and eager adoration of him would
have' been to hurt and confuse her.  Tania could see that, and yet she
could not help wishing that Lucy had disliked him, had resented and
rejected him.  That way.  that way at least only one of them would be
hurt.  This way they were both going to suffer.

When she tried gently to suggest leaving early, Lucy had looked so
disappointed that she hadn't had the heart to insist, and so in
addition to the anguish of knowing that there could be no future in
loving James she had the added pain of having to acknowledge that he
would have made Lucy a wonderfully caring and loving stepfather.

If only.  If only what?  she derided herself over the meal which Jane
Williams had prepared and which she was totally unable to eat.  If only
Clarissa might somehow disappear in a puff of smoke.  Hardly likely,
and even if it were she couldn't escape the knowledge that James
genuinely loved and cared about his stepsister and that anything that
injured Clarissa must also injure him.

At half-past six she announced that it was time for her and Lucy to
leave, and, while Lucy babbled excitedly all the way back to their own
home, she remained tensely silent.

This time she had firmly seated herself in the back of the car next to
Lucy, not able to trust herself not to break down and start wailing her
grief, her anguish, her love, like a small child, if she gave in to the
temptation of sitting next to James.

She hadn't intended to invite him in.  After all they had said
everything that needed to be said, everything there possibly was to be
said.

He loved her, she knew that.  She loved him, but as she had told him
that wasn't enough.  Nowhere near enough, but Lucy it seemed had other
ideas.  James had promised he would read her a bedtime story.  While
Tania hesitated James gave her a helpless, defeated look and she knew
that she had no option other than to invite him in.

She sent Lucy for her bath, made James and her self a cup of tea which
they drank seated well away from one another in a strained,
uncomfortable silence, and then while James read Lucy her story she
busied herself in the kitchen, trying not to let herself dwell on the
fact that after this evening she would only ever see him again as a
stranger--as Clarissa's stepbrother, she told herself bitterly.  Quite
when she started to cry she had no idea.  She was numbly conscious of
washing and rewashing the same mug over and over again, of tensing her
body against her anguish as she heard James walk into the kitchen
behind her and say jerkily, "She's asleep.  I'd better be off."

"Yes," she agreed brokenly.

She thought he was actually leaving until he gripped hold of her
shoulders and demanded harshly, "Is that all you can say?  Is that
all...?"

And then he saw her tears and through the frantically loud thudding of
her heart she heard him curse and then she was in his arms, wrapped
tightly within their protective custody while he kissed her damp face
with fierce despair, telling her over and over again that he loved her,
telling her there must be a way.  They both knew there wasn't, but
that didn't stop them from spending what was left of the evening
making frantically intensive love to one another, as though there was a
whole lifetime of loving to be crammed into far too few short hours. As
indeed there was, Tania reflected hazily as she looked down the length
of her shadowed body to where James lay against her, his hand against
the sharp curve of her hipbone, his mouth exploring the satin softness
of her skin.

"I love you," he told her almost angrily.

"I love you so much."

"Don't," she protested, her voice thick with tears.

"Please don't," and then she shuddered deeply as the pleasure of how he
was loving her broke through her grief at the parting to come and she
begged him to love her so much that she wouldn't be able to think of
anything else but this moment, so that she would have these memories to
comfort her, all the rest of her life.

Later still, when she was loving his body as intimately as he had done
hers, she told herself that she was surely entitled to this, that in
sharing this intimacy they were hurting no one other than them selves,
deliberately barring her mind to the knowledge that she could already
have conceived the child who would have to grow up without a father,
and who would be hurt by this selfish, reckless, dangerous but so
wholly necessary intimacy they were sharing.  It was just gone midnight
when the telephone beside her bed rang.  She reached for the receiver
automatically, tensing at the unexpected sound of Nicholas's voice on
the other end of the line.

"Tania, it's Nicholas," he told her.

"I've just rung Dove Court.  Is James still there with you?  Only we've
got a bit of an emergency down here at the clinic.  Clarissa isn't
responding at all well to her medication.  She keeps asking for James
and I..."

Silently she handed the receiver to James, her eyes dark and haunted.

Already it had started.  Al ready Clarissa was coming between them,
invading their most private and precious moments.  Al ready.  Silently
she slid out of her bed and found her dressing-gown, trying not to
listen to James's terse voice.

He hung up after a few seconds and apologised in, a tight voice, "I'm
sorry, but I'm going to have to leave."

She had known it already, of course.  Had thought she was prepared for
it.  Had already told herself she knew he would have to go, but she was
not prepared for the pain of losing him so quickly, so abruptly, now
while her body was still full of the sensation of his within it, now
while she was still warm from their shared bed, while the scent of him
still clung to her skin.  Now when she wanted nothing more than to go
to sleep in his arms, to.  But he was waiting for her to speak, to.  to
what?  Give him permission to leave.  He didn't need her permission. To
make it easy for him to go.  She swallowed the savage, bitter words
that clamoured for utterance inside her and said, as calmly as she
could, "Yes, yes.

Of course.  "

He was coming towards her as he dressed.  Automatically she wrapped her
arms around her body, rejecting him, moving back from him.  She saw him
hesitate, grief and pain darkening his eyes.  Across the few feet of
space that separated them they looked at one another and then Tania
turned her back on him and said huskily, "I'd better go in and check up
on Lucy.  You know.  the way out."

This time she waited until she was sure he was gone.  She wasn't being
a coward.  She was simply doing what was best for both of them.  She
could not have borne to watch him go, to know that it was over between
them.

Over.  It had barely started.  She grieved for their love as she might
have done for a lost early pregnancy, grieving for its right to life,
to the denial of that right, as well as grieving for the life itself
that would never be.

CHAPTER TEN

quite how she got through the following weeks, Tania really had no
idea.  She saw nothing of James, and heard on the grapevine that
Clarissa had been flown to see a specialist in America who ran a clinic
that had a spectacular record of success with her particular type of
problem.

But cured or not, it made no difference.  Clarissa would never really
accept any other woman in James's life, and most of all not her.  For
as long as she was involved with James, she would never feel that Lucy
was truly safe, and despite all that he had said about his stepsister
she had noticed that James himself had not denied this.  Her moods
alternated between ones of deep and bitter despair and frenetic bouts
of energy during which she refused to allow herself to even remember
that she had ever known anyone named James Warren.  Inevitably her
health suffered and even more inevitably others noticed.  Ann in
particular, who tackled her one grey October evening when she had
called round on the pretext of wanting to consult her about Susie's
coming birthday.

With Lucy safely asleep in bed, Tania had no alternative but to confide
in her friend when Ann asked her bluntly what was wrong.

"You've given him up ... because of Clarissa!"  Ann stared at her as
though she couldn't understand what she was hearing.

"But that's crazy.  Clarissa is a grown woman, a woman, moreover, with
a husband and children of her own."

"She's almost completely emotionally dependent on James," Tania told
her flatly, pushing her hair off her pale, too-thin face.

"But it isn't just that.  I'm not putting myself through all this
simply out of female jealousy.  There's Lucy to consider.  Don't you
see, Ann?  I might, just might be able to put up with Clarissa's
presence in James's life if it was only myself I had to consider, but
there's Lucy as well."

"You think she might try to harm Lucy again?"  Ann asked her
sympathetically.

"It- would always be there in a corner of my mind."

"Yes, I can understand that, but perhaps if James were to agree to--' "
To what?

Cut her out of his life?  How could I ask him to do that, Ann?  I
couldn't.  We're adults, not children.  I can't say to him.  You say
you love me, so send her away.  It wouldn't be fair, and besides I
couldn't live with myself if I forced that kind of decision on him. He
loves Clarissa, and, let's face it, if he was willing to abandon
her--well, would you want to love a man who could do that, would you
trust him?  I certainly couldn't.  "

"No.  I can see what you mean, but there must be a way."

Tania shook her head sadly.

"Don't you think I've searched for one, over and over again?  If
Clarissa were less emotionally un balanced, if it were possible to talk
with her... But, well, even if she recovers this time, there's always
the risk of another breakdown."

"Oh, Tania."

"Yes, I know," Tania agreed shakily, 'and I'm afraid there's more.  "

"More?"  Ann stared at her.

"What?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

"You're what?"

Once she got over her shock, Ann demanded anxiously, "You have told
James about this, haven't you?  I mean, he has a right to know."

"No, I haven't told him," Tania interrupted her.

"I haven't even got as far as having things confirmed yet."

"But you will tell James," Ann insisted.

Tania closed her eyes wearily.

"Perhaps.  I don't know.  I just feel so tired, Ann.

I feel as though I want to run away and hide from everything that's
happening to me.  "

Already she was regretting having told her friend so much.  She
wondered what Ann would say if she had also told her that virtually
every single night she woke up with tears on her face and James's name
on her lips.

She knew quite well that if she got in touch with him and told him she
was pregnant he would move heaven and earth to get her to change her
mind, and sometimes in her weakest moments she was so desperately
tempted.  After all, she had a right to happiness too, didn't she?  Her
child, their child had a right to the love of both its parents.  Lucy
had a right to have the loving care of a stepfather who would adore and
spoil her.

But with those rights went danger.  She didn't want her children
exposed to Clarissa's jealousies, her paranoia and yet neither could
she bear to live with the knowledge that her own happiness was built on
Clarissa's misery, as it would have to be if she asked James to cut
himself off from his stepsister.

Two weeks later, at Ann's insistence, she made an appointment to see
her doctor and had her pregnancy confirmed.  Common sense told her that
as soon as Clarissa's treatment was over and they were all back in
England James was bound to discover that she was carrying his child and
that if she really wanted to protect them both she ought to be making
plans now to sell her shop and start a new life somewhere far away.

James had rung her several times, but on each occasion she had kept the
call short.

Clarissa was responding well to her treatment, he had told her and he
was managing to combine his enforced stay in America with some
outstanding business he had over there.  She saw Nicholas briefly on a
couple of occasions and knew that he was spending all his free time
either with his sons or in America with Clarissa.  Sometimes she
couldn't help reflecting bitterly on how very fortunate the other woman
was: a de voted husband, and an equally devoted stepbrother.

It all seemed so unfair.

And then she heard that James and Clarissa would be returning home for
Christmas.

It was Jane Williams who told her.  She happened to bump into her in
the supermarket one afternoon when she had dashed in to do some
last-minute shopping.  The older woman's face lit up when she saw her,
although like everyone else who knew her she exclaimed in some concern
over Tania's too slender frame and her pallor; If she suspected that
these had anything to do with James's absence she was far too kind to
say so.

Yes, Clarissa was responding well to the innovative American treatment,
she told Tania happily, and she had received a long letter from James
telling her that the whole family would be coming home for Christmas.

It was only later on her way back to her car with her shopping, when
she had to stop because of the mist obscuring her vision, that Tania
realised she was crying.

She was still crying hours later when Ann brought Lucy back from
school, and her friend took one look at her, and then told her
severely, "Tania, Clarissa isn't going to be the only one having a
breakdown."

"I know," she agreed, blowing her nose.

"I really must pull myself together."

"That wasn't what I meant and you know it.  You must get in touch with
James.  Look at your self..  and it isn't just yourself you have to
consider now, is it?  There's Lucy and the new baby."

"I know.  I ought to be making arrangements to sell the shop and move
away, but I don't seem to have the energy to do anything.  Christmas is
less than a month away and--' " Move away?  " Ann was plainly aghast.

"You can't do that.  And why would you want to?  I thought you liked
it here?  The business is doing well."

"I can't stay here now.  Once James comes back--' " You have told him
about the baby, haven't you?  " Ann asked her suspiciously.

Tania averted her head.

James had already asked her if she was pregnant and she had lied to
him, knowing that if she told him the truth nothing would stop him from
insisting on marrying her.

"Tania, you must tell him."

"Yes, yes, I know."  She swayed suddenly, feeling cold and faint,
tensing herself against the wave of weakness engulfing her as she heard
Ann's shocked gasp.

"Look at you," Ann expostulated as she helped her into a chair.

"You can't go on like this.  You're losing weight, despite the baby.
You look so frail.  You're killing yourself, Tania, and if you won't
consider your own health then you must consider the baby's.  Unless of
course you're trying to destroy it."

Ann's cruelty made her eyes swim with fresh tears, but it also made her
realise very sharply and painfully that Ann was right.  She suddenly
felt desperately cold.  The last thing she wanted to do was to harm
James's child, the very last thing.  After all, he or she was going to
be all she would ever have of the man she loved.

When Ann saw the effect her words had on her, she smiled grimly at
her.

"Now you are going to get your coat on and you and Lucy are coming back
with me, and you're staying with me, until I'm convinced that you're
taking proper care of yourself.  Otherwise..."

"Otherwise what?"  Tania challenged shakily.

"Otherwise I shall have to tell James about the baby myself," Ann told
her quietly.

Tania stared at her, her hands crossed protectively over her stomach as
she whispered pleadingly "No, Ann, please.  You wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't want to," Ann corrected her, 'but you can't go on like
this.  "

In the end Tania was forced to give way to her friend's motherly
bullying, and she and Lucy spent a week under the Fieldings' roof,
occupying their newly decorated spare-room, and using the elegant new
bathroom which Ann had recently installed and on which she had
practised her clever painting techniques to marvelous effect.  As Tania
told her, she particularly loved the clouds Ann had painted on the
ceiling.

"When I'm lying in the bath I look up at them and make believe I'm
lying on some idyllic beach," she told Ann teasingly.

She had started to regain a little of her lost weight, but her face was
still too finely drawn, her eyes and mouth haunted and shadowed with
sadness.

Lucy, who had mentioned James's name virtually in every sentence she
spoke for weeks after the Sunday they had spent with him, now only
referred to him occasionally, but with such a wistfulness that she
never failed to bring tears to Tania's eyes.

It was December and she and Ann had had several forays into Chester on
Christmas buying trips.  Now that she was regaining a little of her
strength, Tania was determined to make this Christmas a happy and
special one for Lucy.

Because she was so thin, there was no chance of anyone guessing she was
pregnant and she had guiltily put off doing anything about selling her
shop until after the New Year.  She didn't want to move.  She liked the
town and its people.  She had felt settled here, at home.  but how
could she stay now, bringing up James's son or daughter so close to
James himself?  No, it wouldn't be fair to any of them.  Unacknowledged
at the back of her mind lay the fact that she had already decided that
James must never know she was pregnant.  Once he did.  Once he did, he
would never let her go.  And heaven alone knew how very, very tempted
she would be to give in to him if he were to insist on marrying her.

As the weeks went by, she missed him more and not less; ached for him
more as a man, her man, her lover.  and yearned for him emotionally as
well as physically, yearned to be able to share with him her joy in
having conceived his child, yearned for him to be there with her, to
take her in his arms and kiss away all her loneliness and pain, to tell
her that everything was going to be all right and that they would
always be together.

Sometimes she dreamed that it had actually happened and then she woke
up to discover that she was after all alone, and the tears would come
again and she would spend the rest of the night in restless agonising,
in weakly wishing that somehow things might be different.  Halfway
through December, she insisted on moving back to her own home.

Lucy was wildly excited about Christmas.  The Fieldings and Tania and
Lucy were all going out to Delamere Forest the Sunday before Christmas
to buy themselves a Christmas tree, and although Tania had refused
Ann's generous invitation, for them to join her family for Christmas
lunch she had agreed to spend the afternoon with them on Boxing Day.

Lucy was excitedly praying for snow, and the temperature was certainly
dropping, although the long-range forecast did not promise a white
Christmas.

And then one Sunday afternoon, when Tania was baking mince pies and
Lucy was busily making and writing her Christmas cards, James
arrived.

Immediately he rang the bell, Tania knew who it was, but cravenly she
sent Lucy downstairs to answer it rather than going herself.  When
James walked into her kitchen, she was standing defensively on the
other side of her small table, watching him with wary, pain-filled
eyes.

She had visualised him so often in her dreams, in her most private and
intimate thoughts, remembering him, aching for him, that the shock of
seeing him in the flesh and of realising that like her he had suffered
destroyed her hard-won composure.

She could feel the emotion clogging her throat, the weakness enveloping
her body.

He too had lost weight.  He too had suffered and known pain, and for a
moment all she wanted to do was to step out from behind the table and
to hold him in her arms.

As though he sensed her need, he took a step towards her and
immediately she tensed, remembering why she must not weaken.

"Don't come too close," she warned him.

"I'm covered in flour and it will ruin your suit.  I heard PENNY
JORDAN 203 you were all coming back for Christmas.  Have you been back
long?  And Clarissa... is she well?"

She was chattering non-stop, trying to fill the aching void of pain
welling up inside her, trying to stop herself from cravenly bursting
into tears and telling him that no matter what she just could not live
without him.

"We flew in on this morning's transatlantic flight," he told her
quietly.

"Clarissa is fine.  Tania... please--' He broke off as Lucy came into
the kitchen.

"Here's your card," she told him importantly.

"Mum said I could send you one, but I might as well give it to you
now."  James bent down and picked her up, and to Tania's consternation
told her gruffly, "Why not keep it for me until Christmas Day?"  And
then, looking directly at Tania, he told her quietly, "I want you and
your mummy to come and spend Christmas with me at my house, Lucy. Would
you like that?"

"Will Rupert be there?"  Lucy asked him.

James laughed.

"Yes, Rupert will be there."

How could he do this to her?  How dared he use Lucy against her like
that?  He knew she could not, must not accept such an invitation.  "I'm
sorry," she began stiffly, formally, "But I'm afraid that's
impossible--' She stopped and made the mistake of looking at him.  The
pain, the love, the agony in his eyes twisted her heart and made her
want to cry out to him that nothing else mattered other than him.

"Nothing's impossible," he told her huskily.

At her side, Lucy was pleading with her, begging her to say yes,
leaning her head against her, so that she was immediately and
emotionally conscious of James's child, as yet unnoticeable, but
growing there within her none the less, and even though it was the last
thing she had intended to say she heard herself accepting shakily and
agreeing that, yes, they would spend Christmas at Dove Court with
him.

After that it seemed that she was caught up in a roller-coaster, so
speedily did James insist on making all the arrangements.  He would
collect them on Christmas Eve and they would spend until after the New
Year with him.

"It's too long," she protested.

"Christmas Day... Boxing Day..."

"Too long?"

The smile he gave her was brief and bitter and inside her a small voice
demanded rebelliously that she give in, that she allow herself this
last small space of time with him.

When she told Ann, apologising that they would not after all be seeing
them on Boxing Day, her friend was not in the least offended.

"I'm delighted you've come to your senses at last," she told Tania
frankly, totally misunderstanding the situation.

"Have you told him about the baby yet?"

"Er--no..."

"Saving it for Christmas Day?"  Ann asked her with a knowing smile.

"A

very special present for him.  "

Tania said nothing.  She had no intention of telling James about their
child.  She had been weak enough as it was in giving in to his
invitation to spend Christmas with him.

Since Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday, there was no necessity to open
the shop but even so Tania was startled to find James had arrived while
she and Lucy were still having their breakfast.  Fortunately they were
already virtually packed, right down to the brightly wrapped present
which Lucy had insisted on choosing for James all by her self.
Privately Tania wasn't sure that he would to tally appreciate a china
replica of Rupert, but she hadn't had the heart to say so to Lucy.

She herself had merely bought him a tie, a plain silk one, anonymous in
the extreme and in no way to be compared with the gift she had already
given him, nor the one she herself had received from him in turn.  Her
child.  their child.  She touched her stomach lightly and then tensed
as James followed the movement and asked her tersely, "Are you all
right?"

"Yes, of course," she told him brittly.

"Why shouldn't I be?"  He said nothing, but she could see his eyes
measuring the loss of weight.

"You're a little earlier than I expected," she told him.

"That's because I need Lucy's help with the tree," he told her, smiling
at Lucy's ecstatically delighted smile.

"Is it a very big tree?"  she asked him later, as they left the flat.
Tania couldn't help noticing the trusting, natural way Lucy slipped her
hand into James's as they walked out into the street.

"Fairly big," James told her.

"Well, I might not be able to reach to the top," Lucy told him
anxiously.

"Will?"

"Don't worry.  I'll do the high bits," James reassured her.

They had had a sharp frost overnight and as the Jaguar turned in
between Dove Court's pretty gate houses the lawns were still white and
crisp with their riming of frost, so that Lucy caught her breath in
delight, and Tania felt her heart ache with melancholic grief.

She must make this holiday a happy one, she told herself as James drove
up the drive.  She must store up from it only good memories, only happy
thoughts, not just for Lucy's sake but for the sake of the child in her
womb as well.  Perhaps it was fanciful of her to believe that somehow
that child could sense her mood, could be affected by her misery and
could also surely sense her happiness as well, and might somehow come
to know of the great love she had shared with its father if only she
could put aside her grief and pain and allow herself to believe that
this wretchedly brief span of time they would have together could last
for ever.

She forced herself to concentrate on this as James stopped the car and
came to help her out.

Just the mere touch of his hand on her arm was enough to make her
acutely aware of how much she loved him.  She had already noticed that
he was careful not to touch her, not to torment her or him self by
reminding both of what they could not have.

James opened the front door and shepherded them inside, and then Tania
froze in shock as she saw Clarissa there.

She looked accusingly and bitterly at James.  Somehow she had never
expected this.  She had not even asked him about Clarissa because she
had assumed that he would never risk having them both in the same
house.  And yet she realised she ought to have asked him, ought to have
at least made some enquiries as to where Clarissa would be spending
Christmas.

James returned her look, aware of her anger and despair.  He took a
step towards her and she stepped back from him, feeling her body grow
tense with anguish.

She was just about to call out to Lucy, to insist that James took them
home immediately when she saw that Clarissa was approaching her
daughter.  Immediately she started forwards, but James gripped her arm
stopping her.

While she glared at him in outrage, she heard Clarissa saying easily,
"Hello, Lucy.  I don't know if you remember me?"

"Yes.  Rupert lives with you, doesn't he," Lucy responded a little
shyly.

Tania, frozen within James's silent custody, stared at them, her heart
pounding with anger and fear.  How dared James do this to her .  and
why?  What was the purpose of this dangerous charade?

"Yes, he does," Clarissa agreed.  She turned to Tania.

"Tania, it's lovely to see you," she greeted her warmly.

"I'm looking forward to us all getting together tomorrow, and the boys
are both longing to meet Lucy.  " Tania stared at her, unable to
believe her ears, unable to believe her eyes as she focused on this
new, unbelievably relaxed woman who had Clarissa's face and voice, and
yet who seemed to be a completely different woman from the one Tania
remembered.

Before Tania could say anything, the sitting- room door opened and
Clarissa's two sons came out, accompanied by Nicholas and Rupert.

Whilst Lucy bent down to fuss the dog who obviously remembered her,
Clarissa was saying to her husband, "Nicky, darling, why don't you take
Lucy and the boys for a walk?  We could do with some more holly and I
think there's some with berries on the tree down by the lake."

She came towards Tania and took hold of her free arm.

"I'll show you up to your room, Tania."

Like a dream walker, Tania went with her, pausing on the stairs to give
James a confused, angry look.

As they walked upstairs together, Clarissa kept up a gentle,
meaningless flow of chatter in a soft, reassuring voice that Tania
realised half hysterically was meant to soothe her.  What was happening
here?  Why hadn't James warned her?

"James has put you in this room," Clarissa told her, opening one of
the doors and going inside so that Tania had no option but to follow
her.

"This was originally the master bedroom," she heard Clarissa telling
her.

"Of course I expect you'll want to redecorate it.  I know my mother did
when she married James's father.  It's a lovely house, isn't it,
although it does need a woman's touch?  When we lived here mother
always kept every room filled with flowers.  She enjoyed living here so
much.  We both did.  I think after the loneliness and poverty of the
years without my father, to come and live here--' She broke off when
Tania stared at her and then demanded huskily, " What do you mean, I'll
want to redecorate, it?  "

Clarissa turned round and looked directly at her.

"I know about you and James, Tania," she told her quietly.

"I can't deny that at first I was... I felt deserted, bereft... I was
very, very angry, hysterical really, and very, very jealous, but Dr.
Martin--he's my therapist at the clinic in California... Well, he's
helped me to understand that my dependence on James all springs from my
feelings towards my father; the great sense of loss and guilt I felt
when he left my mother.  He's helped me to understand that there were
emotions locked up inside me, left over from that time, which were
poisoning my whole life and not just mine.  I won't bore you with all
the details of my therapy, of my growing up, if you like.  It wasn't
always a painless or an easy process, but I feel I have learned from
it.  I may not ever be the kind of woman who never feels an atom of
jealousy.  I'll probably always be inclined to be possessive of those
closest to me, but at least now I know that trait within myself and
I've learned how to deal with it.

"Dr.  Martin helped me to understand how much my jealousy was damaging
not just me but every one around me, how I was destroying them along
with myself.

"I was so pleased with myself because I was responding well to the
treatment.  I couldn't under stand why James was so remote, so... so
very obviously unhappy, and then he told me about you.  I can't deny
that at first I was bitterly resentful.  I won't tell you about the
scenes I staged, about the mean, cruel things I said, not just about
you but about James as well.  I even told him that he had to choose
between us."  Her voice almost broke but she continued firmly, "A
stupid thing to do, and it served me right when he told me that he
would always, always choose you.  He then went on to tell me that you
had refused to ask him to make such a choice; that you were wise
enough, generous enough, loving enough to know that I would always have
a special place in his heart, in his life.  Then he told me that he
couldn't live without you.  That you were as necessary to him as air
itself.

"I had to work very hard to accept that, Tania.  To make myself not
merely accept outwardly, but to accept inwardly as well that another
woman meant more to James than me, that you would al ways have first
place in his heart, whether you were there with him in person or not.

"Yes, it was very, very hard for me to accept that.  It was Nick who
helped me, who told me that I was destroying James, that I was hurting
one of the people I professed to love.  What would happen when the boys
grew up, he asked?  Would I prevent them from finding happiness just as
I was preventing James?  Would I turn them away from me, make them hate
and resent me?

"I accused him of not loving me.  He told me that he had always loved
me, that he had married me even though he had feared that I loved
someone else.  He even told me..."  she took a deep breath 'he even
told me that at times he had doubted that Alee was his child, but that
he loved him any way because he was mine.

"I was so shocked.  I had had no idea.  Of course Alee is his, and I
love him too... I always have done... My affair with... with someone
else had meant nothing.  I just let Nick think it did because I was so
unsure of him.

"Two weeks ago, I walked into James's room and I found him sitting
there with his head in his hands, and tears pouring down his face.  I
was so shocked.  He'd always seemed so strong, so inviolate.  I'd never
seen him like that before, never thought of him as being vulnerable.  I
asked him what was wrong.  He told me that you were refusing to speak
to him.  He told me that you'd refused to marry him.  That you felt you
couldn't make a commitment to him because of me.  Is that true,
Tania?"

Tania looked at her, and then moistened her lips.  She had no idea how
to deal with this new Clarissa, or what to say to her.

When she remained silent, Clarissa said unsteadily.

"Very well, I'll ask you another question.  Do you love James?"

The look on her face gave her away before Tania spoke.

"That's all that matters, really, isn't it?"  Clarissa told her
softly.

"You love him and he loves you.  Your place is with James just as mine
is with my husband.  I know now that I will always have a place in
James's heart, that in marrying he won't be excluding me from his
life... " I want you to know, Tania, that James's happiness is far more
important to me than my own fear and jealousy.  James needs you far
more than he needs me, and I'm strong enough now to let him go, to
live my own life with my own husband and children and to let James live
his with you.  and just to prove it.  " She turned her back to Tania
and walked over to the window, staring out of it for several seconds
before saying huskily, " Just to prove it.  Nick and I have decided to
start a new life together in California.  We both like it out there.
Dr.  Martin believes it's a good step for me to take.  That putting
some physical distance between myself and James is all a good part of
my recovery.  I don't say I'm not going to miss him, that there won't
be times when I just can't stop myself from picking up the phone and
speaking to him, but I do promise you that you need never fear that
either you, or any child of yours, either Lucy or any child you might
have with James, will ever suffer in any way through me.

"When I came to my senses and realised what I'd done to Lucy..."  She
gave a deep shudder.

"I think I'd kill anyone who tried to harm either of my own two."  Her
voice dropped.

"I

wanted to end my own life when I realised what I had done.  Paying some
one to break your window was one thing, but that.  I won't ask you to
forgive me.  How could you?  It's more than I deserve that you were
prepared to sacrifice your own happiness rather than to ask James to
cut me out of his life.  "

"He loves you," Tania told her shakily, finding her voice at last.

"How could I ask him?"

"And yet I would so easily and so thoughtlessly have asked... no,
demanded that he give you up," Clarissa said sadly.

"When I think of the harm I've done, the unhappiness I've caused.  Not
just to you and James, but to Nick and the boys as well.  I in tend to
make it up to them, to show them that I do love them and that I am
capable of loving them less selfishly.  I'm so lucky... I could so
easily have lost Nick."

"Not to me," Tania assured her gravely.  Clarissa smiled at her.

"No, not to you, but to someone far less scrupulous than you and I
would have deserved it.  I was a bitch to him at times."

"You were ill," Tania told her.

"My illness was self-induced.  Oh, I don't have any pity for myself,"
she told her firmly.

"Why should I?  I reserve my pity for my victims, for all those I've
hurt through my selfishness.  You will marry James, won't you?"

Tania hesitated.  It was almost too much for her to take in.  Almost
like something unreal.  like one of her impossible, tormenting
dreams.

"I..."

"I promise you, you need fear nothing from me," Clarissa reiterated.

"Neither you, nor Lucy, nor the new baby you're carrying."

Tania stared at her, her face going white, her hands crossed
protectively against her stomach.

"How did you...?  No one..."

"A man might be deceived into thinking that it's a broken heart that's
responsible for so much weight loss and pallor; a woman knows better,
especially when both her own pregnancies began with twelve weeks of
unremitting morning sickness," Clarissa told her grimly.  Suddenly
Tania discovered that she was crying.  Huge gulping sobs that tore at
her throat and chest, and then she was in Clarissa's arms and Clarissa
was soothing her, reassuring her, and suddenly, instinctively somehow
she knew that it was true and that she need have nothing to fear for
her family from James's stepsister.

"I hope James can't hear you crying," Clarissa scolded her gently.

"He must be distraught by now, wondering what on earth's going on.  He
would have told you everything himself, but I wanted to tell you
myself.  I thought you might believe me."

"I do," Tania told her shakily, blowing her nose.

"And don't think I don't understand how hard it must have been for you.
James has told me about... about your childhood and your father."

"Yes.  Another reason why I went so crazy when I thought I was losing
Nick to you.  I've always sworn I would never let a child of mine
suffer what I went through, and yet I was the one who was endangering
our marriage, who was putting them at risk.

Lucy.  does she.  "

"No after-effects at all," Tania assured her.

"Thank God for that."  She pressed Tania's hand and told her softly,
"Why don't you go and find James and put him out of his misery?  I'll
go out and collect the others.  Would it be all right if Lucy comes
back with us tonight or...?"

This was the true test.  Tania looked at her and wondered if she had
the strength to make the act of faith it demanded.  if she could bring
herself to entrust her precious Lucy to this woman who had so
dangerously wanted to harm her.

"No... of course you couldn't--' Clarissa began, turning away from her.
Tania stopped her and said shakily, " Do you think Lucy would ever
forgive me if I denied her the opportunity to spend a whole night with
her beloved Rupert?  "

And suddenly they both were laughing and crying at the same time,
hugging one another, and Tania knew without question that one day she
and this woman would share a very special closeness, that this bonding
just beginning between them would enrich them both all through their
lives.

* * * Tania and James had Christmas Eve all to them selves.  They spent
it curled up in front of the sit ting-room fixe making plans.  James
wanted an early wedding, as early as possible so that the ceremony
could take place before Clarissa and Nicholas new back to California in
the New Year.

"We're going to be so happy together," he promised her.

"We're going to make up for every single moment of heartache and misery
we've both known."

"Starting when?"  Tania teased him as she stroked her fingertips
lovingly along the line of his jaw, her lips pouting provocatively only
inches from his own.

She had never known what it was like to play like this, to feel free
and young like this, to tease like this, and be punished for it, if
indeed it was punishment when James took hold other and kissed her
ruthlessly into silence as he muttered against her lips, "Starting
right now!"

It was midnight before she realised that she still hadn't told him
about their child.  They had just made love lying together in front of
the fire, and as she nestled rosy and content in his arms she reached
up and whispered to him, "I've got a very special Christmas present for
you if you'd like it."

He opened his eyes and protested lazily, "What, again?  You're
insatiable, do you know that?"

Tania protested and then told him haughtily, "That.  wasn't what I
meant at all.  We're going to have a baby."

She had his attention now; he rolled over and stared down at her and
asked with bewildered male awe, "Are we?  How can you tell so soon?"

So soon?  Tania stared at him and then burst out laughing.

"James!  Not because of now.  I'm already pregnant.  The baby's due in
five and a half months."

For a moment he was completely still and then he said unsteadily, "Do
you mean to tell me that all this time ... and you weren't going to say
a word?"

"I wanted to," she assured him shakily.

"I wanted to more than you'll ever know... but how could I?  I knew if
I did you'd insist on marrying me and then I'd have to live with the
knowledge that be cause of me you'd have had to cut yourself off from
Clarissa."

"So you knew I'd have done that for you."

"Yes," she told him, 'but I couldn't have lived with it on my
conscience.  "

"I ought to be furious with you.  You realise that ... but,
somehow...!

feel far too happy.  "

"Mm, me too."  She kissed him lingeringly and then whispered
provocatively, "Now it's your turn to give me my present."

He looked at her, a long lazy male look that swept the soft curves of
her body where she lay highlighted by the firelight and then he said
softly to her, "Well, now, my love, what is it exactly you have in
mind?"

When she told him, he kissed her again and said lovingly, "I was right
the first time.  You are insatiable."

On Christmas morning after the initial excitement of opening presents
was over and before they all sat down to lunch which Tania and Clarissa
had prepared between them, James uncorked a chilled bottle of
champagne, ceremoniously filled their glasses and announced with a
grin, "Tania and I have something to tell you--' " Two somethings
actually," Tania interrupted him, and then added with a smile, " And
one request.  "

After they had announced their plans to marry and the arrival of the
baby, Nicholas asked them, "And what was the request?"

"Oh, that."

Tania smiled across at Clarissa and said quietly, "Nothing much.  Just
that we'd like you and Clarissa to be godparents."