Family Values  


Dear Nema,

I’m sorry that I haven’t emailed you sooner but the 
past few weeks have been busy for us. Last Sunday with 
had dinner with Paula’s parents and that was all kinds of 
fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I like them a lot, but we are getting 
into that awkward stage in a couples relationship when their 
parents start talking to them about marriage.  It starts out 
innocently enough with, “Are you two seeing anyone 
special?” Hint. Then it goes on to something like, “You know 
the Goldbloom’s youngest child is coming home for the 
holiday’s and they are inviting us over for dinner.  Would 
you like to come with us?”  Hint, hint.  Then it escalates to, 
“You know cousin Andrew and Julia met the most wonderful 
person on that cruise they took this summer.  They are 
getting married next year.  Isn’t that nice.”  Hint, hint, hint.
Mom and dad are a lot less subtle, as you well know.
Mom prattles on to Paula about family values and dad 
gives me his standard biological clock lecture.  I hate it 
when he does that.  It’s not as if my marsupium was going to 
wither away.  And as usual triune-san gives me the look.  
You know the, when am I going to have grandchildren look.  
I love them dearly but sometimes they drive me crazy.  But, 
just between you and me, Paula and I are getting tired of the 
single scene.
Little things are starting to annoy us. Like when we go 
out to eat and the     maitre d'  says, “You want a table, for 
two?”  It’s like a spotlight shines down on us and everyone 
turns to stare.  Then there is the occasional malicious 
gossip at work.  Why are Paula and Lance still unmarried?  
Do you think they are heterosexual?  Trinity, that burns me 
up!  Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against 
heterosexuals.  Whatever consenting adults do behind 
closed doors is their business.  I do feel sorry for them 
because they can’t have children.  You know, I have always 
wondered what those people do but I have been to 
embarrassed to ask.  
I guess the main reason all this irritates me so is that 
we have been thinking about starting a family.  We just want 
it to be our idea.  I haven’t told the folks but we have begun 
to study for our marriage exam.  I know, we are still a single 
couple but it always pays to be prepared.  I am glad we have 
started early because like most young adults we have not 
stopped to consider how different reproductive sex is from 
recreational sex.  Our text book covers everything.  There 
are chapters on how your triune spouse takes the gametes 
from its male and female spouse; how it uses its body to 
arrange the genes to make a healthy baby; how it implants 
the embryos into the female; when the female gives prebirth 
to the fetuses what is the proper way to make the transfer to 
the male marsupium;  what to do when your triplets 
disimplants from the male blood supply.   Ouch!  That 
chapter hit a nerve with me.  I have heard too many stories 
about the pain of childbirth.  Paula didn’t want to read that 
chapter.  You know what they say, if females had to give 
birth there wouldn’t be any babies.
Which reminds me I read this hysterical article in a 
tabloid news service yesterday.  The author maintained that 
the triune sex were not human beings.  She said, get this, 
that in our prehistory earth was invaded by an alien species 
that took over human reproduction and recreated human 
society along their own lines.  Isn’t that a riot.  Yeah sure, 
earth was invaded by horny aliens from outer space. 
 What do you think of that my own dear triune sib? 
I always thought you were a little inhuman.  Ha, ha.  
And here I thought science had proved that there had always
been three human sexes.  
Really, how can people write such trash.
Come visit us this week end and we’ll take a trip to 
the beach.  We don’t see nearly enough of you and your 
beautiful spouses.  Yes, we have an ulterior motive.  An 
unattached triune has recently moved into the apartment 
across from us and I am thinking of inviting it to go with us.  
It has the most lovely pale blue skin and deep green hair.  
We think we are in love!

Love and kisses,
from your adoring sibling Lance.