My Car Speaks For Itself 
 
Does your car make a statement? Probably so. Here's a list of cars and the statements they make on their drivers' behalf.  
 
 
Acura Integra  
I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
  
Acura Legendary  
I'm too bland for German cars.
  
Acura NSX  
I am impotent.  
 
AMC Gremlin  
I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet.  
 
AMC Marlin  
My father wouldn' t buy me a Camaro.  
 
Audi 90  
I enjoy putting out engine fires  
 
Audi 80  
I thought the 4000s was too fast.  
 
Austin-Healey 3000  
I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak by the time I arrive anywhere.
  
Buick Park Avenue  
I am older than 34 of the 50 states.  
 
Buick Riviera Convertible  
I'm not very smart, and I look like it too.  
 
Buick Electra  
Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology.  
 
Buick Reatta  
I like ugly, impractical, boring cars.  
 
Cadillac Cimarron  
I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet.  
 
Cadillac Eldorado  
I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.  
 
Cadillac Seville  
I am a pimp.  
 
Chevrolet Camaro  
I enjoy beating up people.  
 
Chevrolet Chevette  
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.  
 
Chevrolet Corvette  
I'm in a mid-life crisis.  
 
Chevrolet El Camino  
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.  
 
Chrysler 5th Ave  
Did the pushpins come free with the headliner?  
 
Chrysler Cordoba  
I dig the rich Corinthian leather.  
 
Datsun 280Z  
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.  
 
Dodge Charger  
Reliable is boring. My car is exciting.  
 
Dodge Dart  
I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.  
 
Dodge Daytona  
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.  
 
Ford Fairmont  
(See Dodge Dart)  
 
Ford Mustang  
I slow down to 85 in school zones.  
 
Ford Crown Victoria  
I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
  
Geo Storm  
I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.  
 
Geo Tracker  
I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.  
 
Honda del Sol  
I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.  
 
Honda Civic  
I have just graduated and have no credit.  
 
Honda Accord  
I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.  
 
Infiniti Q45  
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.  
 
Isuzu Impulse  
I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.  
 
Jaguar XJ6  
I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.  
 
Jeep Wrangler  
I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps.  
 
Kia Sephia  
I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu.  
 
Lotus Esprit  
Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do.  
 
Lincoln Town Car  
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.  
 
Mercedes 500SL  
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.  
 
Mazda Miata  
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.  
 
MGB  
I am dating a mechanic.  
 
Mitsubishi Diamante  
I don't know what it means either.  
 
Mitsubishi Eclipse GST  
Why accelerate? Because you can!  
 
Nissan 300ZX  
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.  
 
Oldsmobile Cutlass  
I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.  
 
Peugeot 505 Diesel  
I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.  
 
Plymouth Fury  
I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my trunk as a spare.  
 
Plymouth Neon  
I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
  
Pontiac Trans AM  
I have a switchblade in my sock.  
 
Porsche 944  
I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.  
 
Renault 2CV  
I think your car is ugly too.  
 
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow  
I think Pat Buchanan is a tad too liberal.  
 
Subaru Legacy  
I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.
  
Triumph TR6  
I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys a challenge.  
 
Toyota Camry  
I am still in the closet.  
 
Volkswagon Beetle  
I still watch Partridge Family reruns.  
 
Volkswagon Cabriolet  
I am out of the closet.  
 
VW Rabbit GTi  
My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra.  
 
VW Jetta  
I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear.  
 
Volkswagon Microbus  
I am tripping right now.  
 
Volvo 740 Wagon  
I am frightened of my wife.  
 
Volvo 240  
Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of this guy to slow him down.