IDENTITY
CAN BE A TRICK OF THE EYE
Lee
can change her gender and ethnicity at will, allowing her to slip freely
through New York society. She thought she was the only "polymorph"...until
a chance encounter with another of her kind. Now it's up to Lee to stop the
renegade shapeshifter who is plotting to control the information technology in
a postindustrial world, where illusion wears the face of reality, and the prize
is power absolute....
************************************
TABLE OF CONTENTS |
||
PART |
CHAPTER |
CONTENTS |
1 THE
PRINCIPLE OF SAFETY |
1 |
PAYDAY |
2 |
SNIPS
AND SNAILS |
|
3 |
CANDY |
|
4 |
SEAN |
|
2 THE
PRINCIPLE OF MOBILITY |
5 |
SELF |
SAM |
||
7 |
THE
KING OF AMERICA |
|
8 |
BAM |
|
9 |
SURRENDER |
|
3 THE
PRINCIPLE OF FORCE |
10 |
DUMBO |
11 |
NYNEX |
|
12 |
VICTIM |
|
13 |
JERSEY |
|
14 |
TEETH |
|
15 |
AMBULANCE |
|
16 |
DOWN |
PART 1
THE PRINCIPLE OF SAFETY
Chapter 1
PAYDAY
Sometimes, someone would come
home with her (or him) and would be amazed at the closet. It was the larger of
the apartment's two small rooms. Clothing on hangers was suspended from a wire
stretched diagonally across the room, between eye hooks buried in the white plaster
walls. The eye hooks were uneven, and the force of gravity packed the clothes
together at one end. The hangers held a collection of dresses, skirts,
trousers, jackets, coats, suits. Some guests would assume that there was a
roommate, as the clothes were for both sexes. But the clothes were too numerous
and varied in size and style for only two wardrobes. Eclectic and somewhat
shabby, they looked more like the start of a secondhand clothing store.
Milk cartons (the illegal kind) were wired together
with garbage bag ties to make shelves in the two free corners. They were
stuffed with T-shirts, scarves, underwear, gloves, trousers, shorts, and socks.
The floor was littered with shoes paired off in tight embraces, their mingled
laces wrapped around them.
This collection (no, definitely not a wardrobe) ranged
across current and defunct street styles: a black jumpsuit, a silver Mylar
jacket, combat boots; a white dress shirt hung under a tweed jacket, a snakeskin
tie; a red evening dress and black feather boa. Some guests would notice that
in the smaller room (which was bedroom, kitchen, and living room) a full-length mirror
hung. They would smile to themselves. It was a collection of costumes.
Tonight it was hot in the apartment. The cool breeze
from the two windows stalled against the heavy air inside the closet. She was
digging through the milk cartons one by one, ignoring the heat. Sooner or later
she would break a sweat. As each item was selected, she threw it into the
bedroom. She picked among the shoes in the darkness under the hanging clothes,
knowing them by feel. They were always the hardest decision.
At last, a pair of red hightop sneakers flew toward
the stack in the other room. They were a prized possession, stolen from a
lover. She let her bathrobe slip to the ground and kicked it into a carton. She
ran her fingers through her hair. It was still wet, but the relief of the
shower had already faded into the hot, sticky night.
Dressing in the other room, she was careful to avoid
her reflection. The tank top was heavier than she would have liked, but the
dark khaki was necessary to balance the red pants. They were military issue:
many-pocketed and the iridescent coral that jump troopers wore. She Velcroed
them tightly at the waist and ankles. This might be her last chance to wear
them. This week, she had seen the bright-red color in a store window on West
Broadway. Once SoHo legitimated a trend, it lost its currency in the clubs. She
pulled a white headband down around her neck so she wouldn't forget it. Better
to get the hair right first.
She didn't lace the sneakers yet, they were too large
anyway. Her fingers felt weak as she put them on. With a shortness of breath, a
faint tickling in her loins, and a fresh bead of sweat running down her side,
excitement was growing quickly.
As usual, changing was unpleasant. As always, it was viscerally
satisfying. She squatted, her back to the mirror, and breathed slowly and
deeply to calm herself. First came a looseness in the gut, like a hasty elevator
descent. The feeling expanded and she rocked forward, knees hitting the floor.
Her hands balled into weak fists. A ragged cough escaped her lips. Her lungs
weakened, until they seemed barely able to expand. The emptiness in her belly
became a dull ache, and then a fiery pain that shot up into her head. The pain
played across her face as it probed and pushed her features. Vision swam, the
room warping. The roots of her hair burned.
Through it all, in a corner of her brain, she kept
control. The steady vision in her mind's eye remained calm; sculpting the
gross matter of flesh and bone, weaving the finer tissues of muscle and nerve.
It took its time, oblivious to the racking pain in the body it manipulated. The
first spasms had been the bold lines of a rough sketch. Then, as the work was
done, the changes became smaller and less painful. Finally, the change was like
a rough massage, a kneading of skin surfaces, a few brutal pinches and
stretches.
When it was over, she let the dizziness subside before
she opened her eyes.
She rolled over and stood at the mirror. There was the
usual disorientation as her new reflection mimicked her. She readjusted the
Velcro on her pants, which had grown too tight. The shoes fit better now and
laced snugly. The khaki tank top, as predicted, complemented her now darker
skin. The face was more beautiful than she normally liked, but the nose was
strangely Roman, and the incongruity threw things off balance. The face was
taken from a young girl, a child from a large Chinese family who lived in her
housing project. She never used faces from magazines or films.
The neck was thin and elegant. It was modeled on a
young Polynesian transvestite who worked an after-hours club downtown. The boy
was a hustler, who had come home with her (or rather, him) in an ecstasy daze
one night, no charge. She touched the neck intimately, remembering. The
shoulders she regarded critically; too masculine. She shrugged them.
She combed her damp hair, pushed the headband up to
frame her face, fussed with her hair until it gave the impression of an
expensive cut. Arms at her sides, she regarded herself.
She was beautiful, statuesque, definitely Asian. Door
workers for the clubs tended to favor Asians, whom they assumed to be more
affluent and more ready to spend than whites. The clothing was wrinkled, but
stylishly so.
Something was wrong, however. She was beautiful, but
not. . . striking. Even with the odd nose, she still looked like a picture in a
magazine. That was the kind of face she hated: the kind that rolled off
printing presses by the millions, unthreatening, lovely, and unreal. She
considered wreaking havoc with the nose, but then she would just look like a
rich Japanese girl who had been the victim of cheap westernization surgery. She
sat down on the bed.
There was a row of anatomy disks on the floor along
the wall. Among the pages of paperware indexes were receipts, Post-its,
business cards. These scraps of paper marked pages where a bar code or catalog
number was highlighted. Each corresponded to a picture or video on one of the
disks, where a diseased skin texture, a strange limb, or the line of a
cadaver's exposed muscle had caught her eye. The change had heated her up, and
she was anxious to leave the hot apartment, but she wanted to make one more
adjustment. The image that had been in her mind's eye was too perfect, too
clean. She thumbed through the paperware volumes quickly and distractedly,
like a young girl leafing through a fashion magazine.
In the index to a medical journal downloaded from the
public library, she found what she wanted. The page had been marked months ago
with an invitation to a long-defunct club. She flicked on a power strip, and
found the corresponding disk before her little machine had finished booting.
The article took a few seconds to come up. Her graphics card was Canal Street
cheap and always struggled to downgrade images from library-quality disks to a
format it could handle.
The pictures were as she remembered, digitized
black-and-white photographs of an exquisite pair of hands. They belonged to a
woman who had lived in Oklahoma. The fingers were almost normal, though
strangely tiny compared to the palms. They were delicate and fine, like
precision instruments. The thumbs jutted out almost perpendicular to the fingers.
At first she thought the thumbs were short, but they were normal length, simply
embedded too far into the hand, as if attached to the bones of the index
fingers. She studied the pictures, six views and a navigable X-ray, carefully.
The text fields were cluttered with jargon that her two years of anatomy
classes couldn't penetrate.
When the image had formed in her mind, more solid
there than in the flat pictures, she closed her eyes. She breathed deeply,
quickly, and it began again. The pain, though contained in her lower arms, was
sharper than usual. It struck suddenly, with a blinding flash of red behind her
eyelids. It felt like someone was pulling her thumbs back relentlessly. The
bones inside snapped, rejoined, and snapped again. She let out a cry, and there
was a brief moment of panic. Perhaps she had gone too far too fast in her
impatience. A familiar thought occurred to her: there were no doctors who could
fix her. She remembered her mother's horror when, as a child, she would bend
in impossible ways. "You'll get stuck
that way!"
She had quickly learned to curb her transformations
and to practice the slow-developing art alone and in secret. Now she calmed
herself with the memory of those slow, erotic experiments in which she had
first changed her shape, her face, her sex. In a quiet, flashlight-lit closet
in her mother's apartment, feeling her bones and organs dance as if they were
just tardily developing muscles.
Gradually, panting and with eyes screwed shut, she
gained control again. Her instinctive sense of her hands' shape came to match
the image in her mind. The hands throbbed with dull pain, but they felt whole.
They flexed smoothly, but with a queer feeling, as if the skin were stretching
in an unfamiliar way. She opened her eyes.
She liked them better than the Oklahoman's hands.
Their deformity was not twisted or bizarre, merely alien. The fingers flexed
with a kind of liquid motion, like the legs of an upended tarantula. The thumbs
were articulated in three places, the fingers syndactylic, a web of skin
between them taut when she splayed her hands. The hands ached dully. She filled
the sink with cold water and soaked them in it, wondering at their new shape.
She had experimented with ugliness before and with shapes that simply hadn't . .
. worked. But never had a deformity seemed so fit. What was a mutant called in
biology? A hopeful monster.
When the pain subsided, she dried the hands. The
everyday motion had to be reinvented. She washed her face, suppressing a
shudder as the hands first touched it, and primped in the mirror again. She
blew herself a kiss, borne on an alien palm.
The elevator wasn't working, as usual. She preferred
to avoid it anyway. The other tenants in the project might eventually wonder
how many people lived in her apartment. It was only ten flights, and exercise
helped to break in a new body.
The stairway was crowded. Kids were playing tag in it
just above her floor. Halfway down, an old white couple rested with a full
grocery cart, their eyes quietly sad. Below them, a Hispanic mother scolded her
son, who had a tubercular cough. She wondered if they had seen her hands. There
was no reaction from any of them. Of course, little was shocking in the projects.
The wall of the ground-floor stairwell was blackened where a small fire had
been set.
The pavement outside still radiated heat. White dust
was falling: burn-off from the HARD plastics plants in the Bronx Free
Enterprise Zone. They said it couldn't hurt you. It was just fancy carbon. HARD
plastic was inert; that's what made it hard. But she had heard a woman on TV, a
senator, say it wasn't that simple. The dust was accumulating in the pavement
cracks like the first flakes of a snowstorm. She smiled. Real snow hadn't
fallen as far south as Manhattan in four years.
She walked along Delancey toward the river. Silent
cars swirled the dust in the gutter as they passed.
Her club of choice was called Payday. It appeared
every week or so, always at a new location. The door workers, the DJs, and the
crowd were the same, but the site of the club might be a warehouse, a wealthy
patron's loft, an abandoned subway station. She felt a kinship with Payday. It
maintained its identity without being trapped in a single unchanging shell.
Tonight, Payday inhabited a crumbling amphitheater in East River Park.
The park snaked along the eastern coast of Manhattan,
bounded by the FDR Freeway and the river. It faced demolition to make way for a
light-rail line, a project that had been stalled by the usual protests. The friction between the park's homeless
inhabitants, their extremist advocates, and the police had drawn Payday to the
spot.
After a ten-minute walk, she reached the pedestrian
bridge that spanned FDR. From its center she saw the amphitheater toward
downtown. It was bathed in pink light, Payday's trademark. On the shoulder of
the freeway, a parked city bus was half filled with sleeping police officers.
The saurian shapes of heavy construction equipment slumbered in the dark
wreckage of a baseball field. Uptown from the machines, the concrete, earth,
and trees of the park were a twisted ruin. She crossed the bridge and entered
the baseball field hesitantly. A few yellow ribbons that read police
line—do not cross fluttered
from the construction machines. As she passed through them, a mercury spotlight
sprang to life high in one of the machine's cabs, finding her. A police radio
popped. She waved one of her strange new hands, tried to smile, and kept
walking hurriedly. She reached a row of orange cones softly glowing with
chemical light, past which the grass was untouched. The spotlight wavered and
disappeared.
Beyond the border of destruction's arrested progress,
the PWHs and their defenders were encamped. There were several circles formed
around fires set in rusted garbage cans. The People Without Housing kept
together, away from the protesters. Except for a skinhead beating a plastic box
to the rhythm of an aimless chant and a group of women passing a bottle, the
camp was asleep. Past them was a dark no-man's-land and then Payday. It seemed
safe enough to cross the lightless expanse to the amphitheater. Payday didn't
usually manifest in so forbidding a locale. She was starting to wish she had
taken a cab.
Trees and a few benches populated this part of the
park. A few bodies, almost lifelessly still, lay on the benches. She assumed
they were sleeping PWHs who didn't like the company of the radicals in the
camp. The pink light from Payday cast long, soft shadows through the trees. The
city's silhouette was smeared by the orange mercury-vapor glow lighting the
dust-fall. The only other visible lights were those of the Domino Sugar factory
across the river.
She heard him coming at the last second, turning just
in time to take the force of his charge with her shoulder. She went down on her
back, the breath knocked out of her. He pinned her arms, straddling her and
immobilizing her legs before she could kick him. He was bearded, strong, and
smelled of stale beer and cologne.
She relaxed, fighting the release of adrenaline before
it took control from her. Her muscles slacked and she closed her eyes.
Breathing stopped, and her attention moved to the tiny junctions of her
capillaries and the beating of her heart. Gradually, she contained the stress
hormones that panic had thrown into her system. She altered her adrenal gland
to produce noradrenaline, which was easier to control. Her energy built, but
remained latent.
The man seemed to take her lack of resistance as
surrender. He was still breathing hard. He maneuvered one of her arms so that
it was pinned under his knee, and took her by the throat with his free hand.
Her panic suppressed, she breathed again, careful to
start the change slowly. She felt a prickling in her stomachs. It was the
release of her own unique hormones.
He kept saying, "Real pretty, real pretty."
He leaned closer. The alcohol on his breath filled her nostrils. He released an
exaggerated sigh and said: "We will not act civilized in this fucking
city." The anarchists' motto. He laughed, as if it had been a witty thing
to say, and began to touch her.
Blotting it out, she concentrated on subtle shifts in
the bones and sinews of her face. The jaw needed extra muscle. The lips could
be thinned and hardened, but only slightly. The change was not even painful.
It was trivial compared to her earlier exertions. The last, precise step took
only a few seconds.
By the time she opened her eyes, her teeth were razor
sharp.
His hands were crudely fondling her breasts. He was
still breathing hard and mumbling something to himself, eyes closed. She
struggled one hand free and tapped his shoulder. His eyes opened.
"Kiss me, you fool," she said.
Ten years before, there had been a man named Carlos
living in her mother's building. He never seemed to leave the projects,
occupying the front door stoop from morning until the yellow parking lot lights
came on at dusk. At this signal, she had to run back home from the project's
playground. Seated on a folding chair too small for his bulk, Carlos would
smile as she squeezed past him. Then one afternoon Carlos had found her alone,
playing under the broken solar panels on the building's roof. He had assaulted
her. In her panic and confusion, her body had done things to Carlos that made
this look like child's play.
The teeth sliced in so cleanly that he probably didn't
feel it, at first. As she turned to spit a warm mouthful of flesh to one side,
she felt his blood running warm onto her neck. He started to say something,
but it came out wet and meaningless, turned into an animal mewling as she
pushed him off. She kicked him in the stomach, and he made a single low sound
like a cough and stopped moving; she was very strong. She walked steadily away.
There would be nightmares later, maybe the clean wash of tears, but in
suppressing her panic she had for the moment switched off everything inside
that could be shaken. Changing also had that effect: it pushed emotions back
into some nether region, turned her focus to the needs and pleasures of the
body.
She went on toward the club. A little alcohol would
kill any viruses and wash away the taste.
************************************
The usual crowd was outside Payday. There were kids from
New Jersey, white-faced and anxious, who had parked their parents' big ethanol
cars on the broad shoulder of FDR. A group of suits, slumming, looked at their
watches as they waited for the door workers to check them out. The crowd was
fairly small, and nobody was getting in.
A long limousine, a clumsy old gas-burner, pulled in
off the freeway. The driver got out to have a quick word with the door workers
and then returned to open the door of the car. A beautiful young couple in full
evening dress emerged, and the crowd parted for them.
She straightened her hair and approached the red
velvet rope. She recognized Louis and Carol, Payday's door workers for two
months now. Carol checked her out first. The coral jump pants brought a sneer
to her lips. Carol turned to Louis with pursed lips and pointed.
As Louis took a terse look at her, she splayed a hand
on her chest in a Who, me?
gesture.
His eyes widened at the hand's strange outline, and he made a quick computation
in the obscure calculus of door workers. He dropped the rope.
************************************
Inside the ruined amphitheater, soft blue halogen
lights bathed the graffitied and broken stone. The entrance opened on what had
been the audience area, the seating formed by wide concentric steps that led
down to the stage. A few dozen Paydayers had arranged themselves in small
knots. A bar was set up to her right. The entrance faced a half-collapsed concrete
band shell. Behind it, inside the structure that had served as the
amphitheater's backstage, Payday's familiar dancebeat pulsed.
The arch over the stage bore a reminder of her
encounter in the park. It read: we will not act civilized. ... in meter-high letters. The last phrase was overgrown with
weeds. Rumor had it that the amphitheater had once witnessed the sacrificial
rites of the Missing Foundation, an anarchist cult that had mutated out of an
extremist homeless advocacy group. On the other hand, she had also heard that
there was no Foundation, or that it was just a stalking-horse for real estate
interests, the police, and authority in general. For her part, she liked to
believe that there were many Missing Foundations, spawned one from another like
rumors in a long, hot summer. She doubted that the man who had attacked her was
part of any of it. He was just a man.
She avoided the bar and the stench of the chemical
toilet behind it. Descending the steps to the stage, she saw a few people she
had met before. Some, she knew well. Of course, there was no recognition in the
glances they returned. Stairs led up either side of the stage into the dance
area behind it. The stone floor vibrated with the beat. Inside, harshly colored
lights moved and strobed, and the music was cruelly loud.
Payday's dancebeat extended well into the infrabass.
Most of the sound was too low to really hear, but it provoked an urgent
physiological response. Her confidence had been riding on delayed adrenaline
from the attack, but as she crossed the dance floor her gut tightened, her knees
weakening. She could still taste the man's blood. She hoped she hadn't
swallowed any. She looked down and gasped: The slick dance floor was
transparent. Below a rocksteady sheet of HARD plastic was garbage accumulated
from decades of abandonment. Rain-soaked leaves and magazines, rotting food,
tattered clothes, feces, even a used condom were flattened by the dance floor
like butterflies pressed under glass—Payday's conservative aesthetic at work.
The club altered its environs as little as possible. Rather than clean up the
detritus collected over years of ruin, Payday had preserved it, serving it up
like some pagan delicacy.
Something brushed her shoulder. She started and
turned. Billowing above her in the constant breeze of a wind machine was a long
silver bolt of cloth. In the high windows of the building, silhouetted against
the night sky, two muscle-builders, a man and a woman, posed. An occasional
flash of light revealed that they were naked except for single sashes of cloth
across their shoulders. Each sash was ten meters long. The sashes were as shiny
and fluid as lame but the wind lofted them as lightly as tissue paper. As she
stared, she realized that the man and woman were slowly moving, their pose
shifting almost imperceptibly to the frantic dancebeat. She noted their
overdeveloped musculature with pleasure. Their forms had the clean lines of
synthesized muscles, artificially exercised by small jolts of electricity. She
strained her eyes as a strobe began to flash and tried to see the tiny scars
where the generators had been surgically implanted. She could see very well
when she wanted to.
In the midst of this revelry, something cold and hard
was pressed into her hand. She looked down. It was a Rolling Rock. Smiling at
the boy, she tasted the beer cautiously. It seemed all right. The boy also
seemed all right. He wore a collarless silk jacket over a white tee. A pair of
brightly shined dog tags twinkled on his chest. His haircut looked expensive.
He was white. He watched her expectantly and sipped his beer.
Finally, he inclined the neck of his bottle toward
hers and said, "You drink Rock?"
"I do."
“To Rock!” He toasted so hard she thought for a
moment that the bottles had broken.
There was another expectant pause. It was easy to talk
n Payday, even on the dance floor. The dancebeat was loud, but most of the
frequencies of human speech were high enough to be heard over
the pulse. This boy, like many males, sounded nasal here on the dance floor, the lower
register of his voice drowned out by the infrabass. She had cultivated a voice
that cut through the dancebeat clearly.
The boy was uncomfortable. She
waited, keeping eye contact. There was a nervous energy about him, as if he was
slowly building up to another burst of conversation.
There was a flicker in his eye
before he spoke.
"Freddie," was all
he said.
"Lee." It was one of
her standbys. She never decided in advance what her name would be.
"Where are you
from?"
"I'm from Seoul,
Korea," she lied.
"What's it like?"
She thought for a moment. "It's exactly like New
York City."
He let out a burst of laughter.
"No fuckin' way. There's no place like New York
City!"
"Why not?"
"People wouldn't stand for it." They laughed
together.
She decided to tell the truth. "I was born in New
York. Projects. Loisaida girl."
He stroked an imaginary beard, as if contemplating
this revelation. She saw that he wore a brace on his right forearm. It started
at some point inside the jacket, covered the back of his hand and his palm but
left the fingers free, separating only the thumb. As they talked, she stole
guilty glances at it, wondering whether it compensated for a deformity or a
broken bone. It looked like the braces worn by roller bladers to keep their
wrists from snapping when they fell, but those were usually made of black
plastic and trimmed with fluorescent green or red. The boy's brace was the
dirty beige of an Ace bandage.
He was from Nevada. His mom had been a telemarketer,
laid off during the mid-nineties bank failures and still out of work. No dad
was mentioned. The boy had the self-assured talk of the young men who had
arrived in New York in time for the city's renaissance at the turn of the
century and had made good, or at least better than the rest of the country. He
also had the self-deprecating manner of immigrants when they meet a native. He
was vital but not dangerous. Refreshingly, he did not paint, act, or play
music.
She said little about herself. She was good at drawing
others out. Constructing a new body for the night was hard enough without
creating a new history as well. Her body, whatever its form, was solid and
real. For any personal stories to make sense, she would have to fill them with
lies.
It didn't take much to draw Freddie out. He offered
his ideas about the park's demolition. He admitted that the planned light rail
was already obsolete, since even the Canadians were building mag-lev lines now,
but he had little use for the protesters. He didn't mention the PWHs. He took
her to task, as a native New Yorker, for the city's exploding steam pipes and
crumbling bridges. Things would have to change, and soon. Fortunately, he said,
a complete reworking of the city's infrastructure was at hand. He explained
that planned obsolescence had a silver lining. The things built in New York two
hundred years ago—the bridges, the roads—were built to last two hundred years.
Things built a hundred years ago—the tunnels and housing—were built to last a
hundred years. He asserted that nothing built in the last twenty years could
possibly last more than twenty years-and the federal housing built, since the
turn of the century, no more than five. Thus, the diminishing life spans were
converging. Soon, in a colossal crash coordinated by humanity's shrinking
foresight, everything would fall apart at the same moment. The city would be
left as flat as Belgrade after the Intervention.
"And then," he paused for effect, "we
start over. Just like they did. New
factories, new roads, new housing: New York!"
"When?" she asked. Naturally, the idea
appealed to her.
He looked at his watch gravely, and they laughed.
He liked to find solutions for things. He was a
technophile, but practical in a serpentine way. His opinions were long and
complex, turning aside from obvious conclusions, contradicting themselves. She
was soon comfortable with Freddie. When the beers were gone they finally
accepted the music's insistent call, dancing until they broke a solid sweat.
The DJ was punctuating the music with sudden pauses. Short sampled phrases,
sound bites lifted from the president's latest reelection ads, stabbed into the
silences. Out of context and isolated, his rhetoric sounded emptier than
usual. As they danced, she noticed that Freddie was also listening.
The music slowly elided into a more Gothic beat, until
the infrabass shudder became unnerving. She bought a round, with cash, and led
Freddie down to the water's edge behind the amphitheater. A few hundred feet of
the park had been fenced off and incorporated into Payday. They watched an
ancient F train lumber across the Manhattan bridge.
She took his hand, the one without the brace, in hers.
He looked puzzled, rubbed his fingers across her palm, and caught her eye. One
of his nervous pauses began. She waited. Then he slowly lifted her hand into
the light and stared.
"That's extraordinary." He said it with
simple awe.
"You only just noticed?" ,
He didn't answer, splaying her fingers and staring at
the hand like a child with a strange animal. He looked at the other hand.
"It's the same."
"It's the opposite," she said, grinning.
He didn't smile.
A waitperson came by and Freddie bought a pair of
shots. She saw that the edges of Freddie's smartcard glinted with optical
circuitry. It was probably from one, of the more upscale companies. He whisked
it through the waitperson's hand-held reader with great care, as if the card
were new and prized.
They did the shots and were silent for a few moments.
She felt her stomachs roil as the tequila hit them. Her stomachs were quite
small, but she had crenulated their walls to increase their surface area. They
absorbed alcohol very quickly. She took a deep breath as the tequila hit her bloodstream.
She heard the chirp of Freddie's phone in his pocket.
Freddie looked at his watch and bit his lip. He took the call, for a moment
turning toward the water. He spoke for a few moments and pocketed the phone.
One of his pauses passed.
He said, "I've got to go to work." Another
pause, in which she found herself disappointed. Then, to her surprise, he
added: "You want to come?"
"What do you do?"
"I'm an animator."
"OK." She had no idea what he meant.
It was still dark out, with nothing in the sky except
the orange glow of mercury-vapor streetlights. Only a few cabs were queued up
outside. She picked a taxi whose driver was pirating electricity from a lamppost
that stretched over the freeway. The cab was one of the new Croatian ones that
the Times said weren't safe. The driver pulled the recharge
cable from the lamppost and let it reel back into the trunk with a rude snap.
Freddie opened the door and pulled himself to the other side. She got in, her
tall frame cramped in the little car.
The cab's card reader was broken, and the driver had
to type in Freddie's number on a dashboard keypad, propping his door open to
keep the light on. The driver, whose Slavic name crowded the license card
posted on the dashboard, listened disinterestedly to Freddie's directions,
then nodded vigorously. The little car accelerated onto the freeway quickly,
with the eerie silence of foreign electrics. The driver said, "Hot,"
and the windows slid down with a whine. The cab was suddenly filled with a
warm, chaotic wind. Her hair whipped annoyingly and she cursed it. It was the
one part of her body she had no control over.
Her limbs still rang with echoes of Payday's
dancebeat. They sat in silence. She reached out and grasped Freddie's right
arm. A flash of desire struck her as she felt the hardness of the brace through
the jacket. The metal inside the bandage ran from elbow to palm, on the
underside only. His arm was bound tightly to it with three Velcro straps so
that the wrist couldn't bend. She moved down the length of the brace until her
fingers touched his.
************************************
Freddie worked in one of the long warehouses of the
old meatpacking district on the West Side. Many of the old buildings had been
converted to living coops in the early nineties, before the crashes, and now
they stood empty and desolate. A few prostitutes haunted the old truck-loading
docks, tall and gaunt. Most of them were dressed as women, but all were men.
Her grip tightened as she watched their faces, collecting any nuances she could
from this errant margin of desire.
Freddie misinterpreted her excitement. "Don't
worry. It's safer than it looks around here."
He guided the cabbie down a side street. They stopped
before a lamplit stairwell. While Freddie verified the tip, she climbed the
stairs and read the buzzer plates:
icon tact legal search services
hirachi int.
acnet
verity corp.
She had no idea which would need the services of an
animator.
Freddie came up behind her and ran his card through
the door's reader. The door buzzed and swung open easily at her push. A tiny
camera hummed as it tracked them across the lobby. The elevator doors opened.
The building was sparse and efficient, finished in the direct and shiny style
of the information industry. Inside the elevator, Freddie pushed 3. The button
bore the AcNet logo.
The elevator doors opened directly into an office
occupying the entire floor. She counted fifteen ranks of six desks each,
stretching back along huge industrial windows that overlooked the street. Each
desk had identical hardware: a flatscreen monitor on a swivel mount, a desk
lamp, qwerty bracelets, and a handrest inlaid at a slight angle. No one was
there. The only movement came from a small cleaning robot rolling slowly and
aimlessly in one corner.
Freddie led her toward the rear of the office. Each
desk bore a personal touch: a tea-stained and illustrated mug, a cartoon
pixelated by fax transmission, a set of small photographs in Lucite frames, a
fuzzy animal with suction-pad feet stuck to one monitor— the various effluvia
of quiet desperation. The monitors were on. Each showed intermittent bursts of
color that exploded like tiny fireworks from random corners of the screen. From
Freddie's desk in the last rank, all the monitors were visible. The combined
effect of the pyrotechnic display was spectacular.
"What the hell is all that? Are those the
animations you do?" she asked.
He laughed. "That's just the screen saver."
"Don't you ever turn the monitors off?"
"They're part of the System, and the System is designed
to stay on all the time." He said it with respectful finality.
Freddie put on his qwerty bracelets, winding the fingerclips
around his brace expertly. The explosions on his screen cleared away. A small
menu appeared. Four names: Turbo, Action Jackson, C.C., and Cosmo.
"What the hell do you do for a living,
Freddie?"
"I animate." He peeled off his jacket,
selected one of the names by touch, and began qwerting. The brace was beautiful
against his pale skin. He qwerted in short, nervous spurts. He was incredibly
quick. As he talked, his fingers kept up their dancing in the air. "AcNet
started out as a database for actors and other theater types. Casting calls and
what productions were running. We had biographical data about directors,
producers, whoever. There was also a chat line, where people could type in
messages to each other in real time. That was a big deal twenty years ago, and
it was the only part of the service that made money."
His sudden bursts of qwerting flew by as text on the
screen, each character corresponding to a different position of his fingers.
There was a small snick of sound from the monitor
confirming each letter. He had the capslock key down. He made errors in every
line and didn't bother to correct them. "So they forgot about the
database and made the chat line national. Actors used it to gossip, bitch
about being actors, and talk about whatever. 'Cause actors don't have money, it
was cheap. So when the net went voice and visual, AcNet didn't really have the
cash to upgrade; it stayed text-only."
"Do actors like to type that much?"
"Nope. There aren't a lot of actors anymore. Now
it's the old hackers, the technical types who didn't like it when the net got
user-friendly. Our motto is, Everything sucks but ASCII. All those faces
on-screen made everyone too polite. The AcNet customers still like to flame and
gender-surf and generally be assholes. They also stay here 'cause it's one of
the last places with all technical users. It's a great place to pick up tips.
But mostly, I make sure things stay animated."
"You talk to them?"
"I chat. I animate. When boring guys like Turbo
and Action Jackson are on the line, someone has to provide some interest or
everyone just signs off."
"You know these guys?"
"I know everyone. I'm on eight hours a day."
"So you're sort of like a host?" she asked.
"Not really. I'm what you might call a shill.
They all think I'm another subscriber. Most of them think I'm a young NYU drama
student named ME."
"ME?"
"That's my user name, anyway. The stupider the
user name, the better."
She began to catch up with the frenetic pace of the
text on the screen and saw snatches of conversation. It wasn't just one
dialogue, however. Short exchanges from several different conversations were
interleaved among each other. Each conversation moved forward, disappeared and
was replaced by another, and then returned, having advanced a step in the
meantime.
"You're talking to more than one person."
"I'm chatting with all of them. Look." His
qwerting paused, and he pointed at the screen. "Each time I send, the
computer takes me to the next conversant who's sent a message to me, the one
who's been waiting the longest for a reply. It shows me the last thing I said
to him, which I probably wouldn't remember otherwise, and his reply to me. I
qwert in my response, and pow!"—he bent both thumbs at once,
evidently the SEND function—"I'm on to the next one."
He started qwerting again. "I'm conversing with
each of the four users who are on-line. A couple of them have separate
conversations going with each other, but ME is the one holding their attention
and, more important, keeping them on-line."
She bent closer to the screen. As she halfway listened
to him, the babble on the monitor began to make sense to her. Turbo was
definitely a man, and he was coaxing Freddie to reveal the breadth of his
sexual experience. But it wasn't buddy-to-buddy talk. Turbo was flirting,
making lewd puns with ME's call-name, but the humor had a straight sensibility.
Then she realized the obvious: Turbo thought ME was female. Freddie was
playing ME as a woman, a shy but curious young student. Freddie's responses to
Turbo's suggestive queries were evasive but not dismissive. It was as if ME
was intrigued by Turbo's leering questions, and was playing a coy game at the
arm's length of the qwerty bracelet. ME tended to answer questions with more
questions, and Freddie sprinkled her messages with wows and multiple exclamation
points. She realized why Freddie kept his capslock key down. In addition to
speeding his qwerting, the uppercase letters gave ME's correspondence the
breathless excitement of an innocent.
Intercut with this dialogue were exchanges with the
other three conversants. One seemed to have a faster response time than the
others; almost every second message the computer prompted Freddie with was
marked "C.C." Freddie said she was a woman. Her messages were filled
with the misspelled homonyms of a speech recognition transcriber.
Either C.C. was telling ME about a pornographic
fantasy she had entertained or she was a shameless liar. Her messages were long
and rambling, and ended in the middle of sentences. Sometimes the dangling
thoughts were completed in the next message, sometimes they weren't. Freddie
barely read them before responding with over-excited filler like
TELL ME MORE!!! Or WHAT HAPPENED THEN???!!!
Freddie explained that Cosmo and Action Jackson were
chatting to each other, so their messages to ME came less frequently. Cosmo,
who Freddie figured to be a man, used New Age jargon and was playing old-timer
to ME's youth. Freddie took more care with his replies to Cosmo, in which ME
held forth on the emptiness of life. Freddie's fingers wove cliché after cliché
of adolescent angst. He chuckled as he did so, seeming to enjoy wallowing in
ME's existential swamp. Cosmo was hooked, tirelessly offering his hackneyed
formulas to cheer ME up. Action Jackson and ME discussed baseball, and made fun
of Cosmo behind his back.
Soon she was able to keep track of the four different
sets of messages simultaneously, and she began to comprehend the conversations
as if they weren't interrupting each other. She felt her mind splitting its
attention as it adapted to the task of tracking four parallel lines of thought.
At the same time, she saw that Freddie sometimes let ideas jump across conversations.
Touching the screen with his good hand, he would highlight a comment from one
conversant and send it to another. The meaning of the comment might shift when
placed into another stream of context, but that seemed part of his intent. He
used other techniques, almost too fast to see. Groups of words popped up when
he struck any of the thick double row of function keys across the top of his
handrest. They were apparently configured to deliver common phrases with one
key stroke.
As the distinct personalities of the four conversants
became clearer, she began to see a pattern in Freddie's responses. There was
an easy grace with the way he dispatched Turbo's advances, always gently enough
that the man kept on trying. From a screen full of C.C's ramblings, he could
pick out and respond to a telling phrase in seconds, turning it around on her
so that it drove her erotic narrative to new heights. Freddie assaulted Cosmo's
New Age —serenity with ME's relentless depression, but Cosmo kept arguing,
hooked by the dialogue.
Freddie's dexterity amazed her. She thought of all the
lovers she had taken in her various shapes; men and women, gay and straight.
The organic metamorphosis she used to remold herself for them suddenly seemed
crude. Freddie was changing identities from second to second, re-creating
himself constantly to play to the weaknesses and imaginations of his conversants.
Her own encounters in her anonymous city had always been physical, visceral.
She kissed her lovers, held them, penetrated and was penetrated, even tore
them, as she had her attacker in the park. Her prehensile nervous tissue could
breach the skin and mingle with another's in the sweaty, half-conscious
aftermath of sex. The body shapes she took to perform these connections were
as fleeting as the encounters, which only increased the intensity. But Freddie
made the same anonymous, exquisite connections through the slender link of
text on a screen—uppercase text only. There was a razorlike efficiency to it.
He moved among the needs and frustrations of his conversants with a kind of
inhuman lightness. It was as if in ME he became an omniscient, nameless
confidant, effortlessly innocent and wise. She realized she was drunk.
As Freddie managed the four interleaving sets of
messages, he kept up a fifth conversation with her. She was too rapt with the
information on the screen, however, and murmured unfocused answers as she
watched.
A prompt box that read Special J came up, and Freddy
said, "Hello. Here's someone I haven't met before." He sent out a
message introducing himself. The response came back: You
mean you're ME!? I've been trying to find myself for years!
"Heard that one a million times," said
Freddie tiredly, but responded with another ME joke. They sparred like this for
a few exchanges.
"The ME thing is always good for a couple of minutes,"
he said. "I've got all the jokes hard-coded in my brain. Easy money."
"Easy money?"
"Real easy. Subscribers pay fifteen cents a minute
to stay on-line. When I'm animating them, I get thirty percent of that for the
time they spend chatting to me."
"That's how you get paid?"
"Yep. Six or seven at once and it's good money.
These days, text-only is the boutique market, so the bastards who own this
place really clean up." To emphasize his point, he paused to wave an arm
at the dozens of computers assembled. At his gesture, a few random characters
popped on-screen like a censored curse in the comics. She looked up at the rows
of flickering screens and imagined an animator at each one, adopting multiple
personalities as they flitted among conversations with unknowing strangers.
She felt vaguely nauseated by the promiscuous enormity of it all. Another
anarchists' motto, which she'd seen painted on the aluminum-only dumpster
behind her building, occurred to her: It's been said before:
Any god's a whore.
She sat down on the spindly ergonomic chair next to
him. Her eyes ached from hurriedly reading the phosphorescent text. The dry air
and fluorescent lighting of the office were starting to take a toll on her
energy. The small clock in the corner of his screen said 04:26. Normally, she
would be leaving Payday now for an after-hours club.
He noticed her detachment and said, "There's
coffee."
In a tiny kitchen near the front, she poured a cup of
water from the red spigot on the refrigerator. She stirred in coffee and
experimented with a white powder that she hoped was cream. In the bright light
of the kitchen, the blood under her fingernails was evident. She picked them
clean absently, Freddie's qwerting clattering in the distance like a light
rain.
When the coffee was cool enough to drink, she bolted
it down. It was mundanely awful. She concentrated on putting the caffeine to
work without delay. She found the switch for the kitchen overhead lights,
turned them off, and sat for a moment in the indirect glow of the office lights
outside. The caffeine and the remains of the night's adrenaline moved through
her limbs as she relaxed her muscles and performed a few superhuman stretches.
When she returned, Freddie looked up and smiled. He
was sitting awkwardly in the small chair, shoulders hunched a little. His eyes
were steady as they looked into hers, his fingers pausing for a moment. She
moved behind him and pushed her fingers deep into the knots in his shoulders.
The muscles were rock hard. He relaxed, hit a function key, and stopped
qwerting. He groaned as she roughened her massage. He pointed at the key he had
just struck.
"I just sent them all the same long joke. I
macroed it earlier today. It's a good way to buy a few minutes and get them all
on the same subject for a while. It's an all-purpose joke. Want to hear
it?"
"No." She experimented with her new hands.
The radically opposed thumbs provided extra leverage, and could push under the
shoulder blades hard and tirelessly. He was a good subject, appreciating a
fierce, uncompromising massage. She idly wondered if someone with hands like
hers would need special qwerty bracelets.
As she kneaded his shoulders, he unlocked the brace on
his arm with the loud rip of new Velcro. The skin on the forearm was a
sun-starved white, and he flexed the wrist tenderly.
"Hurts like shit," he said, tentatively
spreading the fingers. "The brace keeps me from bending it all day."
"What's it for?" she
asked.
"Carpal Tunnel. It's an
RSD."
"A what?"
"Repetitive Stress Disorder."
"Ah. You get it from qwerting, right?"
"Anything like that: typing, assembly-line work,
pushing a mouse. It's neural damage from doing the same damn thing all
day."
"Why don't you use speech recognition?"
"Too slow," he said. "With SRT you
can't manage more than sixty words a minute. I can qwert almost two hundred.
Besides, my voice'd give out in two hours. Probably just get carpal of the
throat."
"Speaking of speech, don't these people ever
use
voice and visual? It's cheaper."
"Anonymity is bliss; you can say what you want.
AcNet may be more expensive than a regular on-line, but it's cheaper than a
shrink."
A thought came forcefully to her: He
understands. It was the incorporeality of text that let him transform himself, that
gave him his power.
She said, "Well, if you get carpal from doing the
same thing for too long, let's do something else."
He grinned, tilting his head back to catch her eye.
"Anything you like."
"I'll show you . . . what I like." She
strengthened her grip on his shoulders, rotating them in their sockets. Then
she slowly extended her massage down his arms. He resisted a moment when she
knelt and took the damaged arm in both hands. As she gingerly probed it, he
relaxed, but not completely. Maybe his arm felt vulnerable out of the brace, or
perhaps he was still uncomfortable with the bare touch of her mutant hands. She
kneaded the forearm carefully to avoid hurting the under-used flexor carpi
radialis and tendons. The bones and muscles were fine. Whatever damage he had
sustained was in the nervous tissue. Helping him would have to wait. She stood
up.
"Let's go."
There was another taxi ride, very short. The driver,
also Eastern European, followed Freddie's directions to Chelsea. Freddie didn't
want to walk the ten blocks at this time of night. She smiled and let him pay.
A large and tattered condos
for sale banner was draped across his
building. The sign bore the logo of a bank that had crashed explosively the
year before. The buzzers were ripped out and the hall lights were dark. Freddie
didn't bother to wait for the elevator. He took out a small flashlight and
started up the crumbling stairs. He explained that the building's electric bill
hadn't been paid for months. The building was stalled in its second generation
of co-dominium. The original tenant group had folded, and while the guaranty
bank was selling off the empty apartments, the bank had folded too. Freddie's
ownership of his apartment remained in some under-regulated limbo. He shrugged it off. "I bought it in the
waning days. They didn't make me put too much down."
Inside, the electricity worked. The apartment
stretched, four rooms long and claustrophobically thin, from the front of the
building to the back. The bare wooden floors creaked with every step. The
kitchen was floored with crumbling white hexagonal tile. From a plastic two-liter
bottle, he offered her iced coffee with a Japanese brand name. She took it and
they locked eyes. He reached for her shoulders and kissed her a little feebly,
then backed away. They drank the coffee, which was sweet and absurdly strong,
from robin's-egg-blue mugs decorated with a corporate logo.
He was nervous now. His speech returned to sudden,
sporadic bursts. She asked for a tour. As they walked, she absently rubbed his
back with one hand. There was the familiar thrill of entering someone else's domain.
The bedroom was small and spare; the bed on the floor. A study held only a
metal chair and desk. On it, a Sony computer was jury-rigged to use his
Manhattan Cable VTV. She knew that was illegal, but that a lot of people did it
for the high resolution.
The front room was the only one that Freddie had
bothered to decorate. Two wooden bookshelves looked freshly oiled and out of
place. Maps filled the walls. They were world maps, strange projections that
warped the shapes of the continents. She remembered that the New York school
system had adopted one of them; its peculiar geometry meant to compensate for
the old Mercator map that had favored the Northern Hemisphere. The result had
been a short, patriotic controversy drummed up by the tabloids.
There was also a stereo. It had a turntable for playing
the old oversized disks that she remembered were called Long Playing, even
though they didn't play for long at all. Freddie had a stack of these disks in
their cardboard covers. She suddenly realized why microdisks were called micro.
The old disks were huge.
He leafed through the stack nervously. The best way to
calm a man was to talk to him about his toys.
"You collect these old things?" she asked.
"Yeah. LPs, they're called." He pulled one
out of its cover. She took a step forward and grasped the disk, pulled it
closer. He tensed a little.
"It seems a little . . . dark. Is it
plastic?"
"Actually, you're not supposed to touch
them," he said, a bit too loudly. He added lamely, "It's vinyl,
actually." He held the disk as if it were fragile, by the edges. It had a
circular paper label in the center and a tiny circular hole within that. She
squinted and manipulated her eyes a little, adjusting their focal length. The
record had grooves, or rather, a single groove that spiraled from the inside
out to a smooth band around the circumference.
"How does the laser read vinyl? It's not very reflective,
is it?" she said. She let her eyes relax, and the room slowly came back
into focus.
"It's not an optical medium. It's mechanical."
He put the disk on the turntable. A small robot arm jerkily picked up from
beside the turntable and swiveled until it was over the disk's circumference
band. The arm ended in a tiny pin that she assumed was the read head. It was
odd seeing the workings of the machine out in the open. It made her slightly
nervous. At least MD players were contained. After a moment's pause, the arm
lowered. She was alarmed for a second, thinking it was going to miss the disk
altogether, but it made contact on the outer edge and the speakers suddenly
sprang to life. The sound was a kind of low static, bright with tiny pops.
"Isn't this great? It's called surface
noise."
She looked at him a little quizzically. "But—"
The music started. It had a distant, haunting quality,
like the cry of a seagull. She had always heard that LPs were tinny, but this
was not just lack of fidelity. It was as if the musicians were far down the
hall of an old house. The quality of sound was familiar and comforting. It
was, she realized, the melancholy sound-track quality that filmmakers used to
signify nostalgia. There were saxophones and drums, and some sort of bass that
was barely distinguishable above the rumble of the speakers.
"My dear, I offer you the Ink Spots."
Freddie was suddenly much happier.
They danced, slowly, their bodies pressed together.
They were about the same height. His arms wrapped
around her. She reached through them to feel the muscles of his back and his
tight shoulders. Her cheek rested against his, and she could smell the sharp
scent of amphetamines on his sweat. So that was why he was so damn nervous. She
kissed his ear and murmured into it.
"How does it work?"
"What?" His voice sounded dry.
"The LPs. You said they were a mechanical medium.
What does that mean?" She kept up the massage of his shoulders. As his
mind shifted to the explanation, he began to relax.
"Well ...
it means not digital. The disk has an analog of the sound waves pressed onto
it."
"Yeah?" She slowly worked her hands toward
the muscles around his sharp shoulder blades.
"Yeah. So the music is stored as undulations in a
long sinuous groove on the surface of the record."
"Mmmm. Tell me more."
"And as the record rotates, the stylus—that's the
read head—slides along the groove. . . ."
"Are you making this up?" She smiled at him
as he reached for the light. Her massage reached his flanks, his hardened
groin.
He continued. "And the stylus moves with the undulations.
Its vibrations, thousands per second, go to the speaker, which reconverts
them."
"Into?"
"Into music."
They kissed, deeply and for a long time. Their dance
stopped and her breath was arrested. The Ink Spots sang in a sweet harmony
blurred by the ancient medium. After a long moment, a salty taste entered her
mouth from his. She broke from him and felt her teeth with her tongue. One of
them, a canine, was still quite sharp from her transformation in the park. She
tensed and quickly smoothed it. She had cut his tongue. He didn't seem to have
noticed.
She kissed him again. A few drops of blood were
nothing after what had happened in the park.
The stereo and its power strip gave off a red glow,
but it was dark enough. She was wary of making love in the light. Sometimes at
climax her face contorted inhumanly. It wasn't the sort of thing lovers should
see. Freddie was nervous enough about her alien hands. He took a sharp breath
the first time she touched his cock. His advances became more frantic after
that, and his breathing deepened, but it wasn't just fear. Freddie knew how to
channel his nervous energy into passion.
He was naked first. She was drawn to his pale, damaged
arm. As she kissed it, she breathed the strong odor of speed. The smell of the
bandage and of contained sweat sharpened the scent. He lay back a moment, as
her lips brushed his nipples and the hairs on his belly. She went down on him
deeply, the taste of his blood still in her mouth.
Soon her clothes were off, and they had exchanged
places. Thinking of his bleeding tongue, she kept him from going down on her.
Despite her abilities, there was risk of transmission through the vaginal
walls. She had tangled with viruses. They were hard to beat. There was a moment
apart as he searched for a condom in his strewn clothing.
The synthetic rug was scorching as it rubbed against
her back. She gave into the exquisite torture for a few minutes, but it began
to drown out the wet friction between her legs, and she took Freddie by the
shoulders and put him on his back. She straight-armed him, holding him steady
against the abrasive rug. She slowed their rhythm. Now she could concentrate.
She strengthened and articulated the muscles of her
groin. Pressing Freddie deep into her, she contracted her vaginal walls in a
slow, undulating wave. He groaned, and his shoulders went slack under her
hands. Freddie's face glowed with sweat in the red light, his mouth open
slightly. He pushed up into her, his buttocks and stomach rigidly taut.
Her vaginal muscles gradually gained in articulation,
and their lovemaking slowed to a crawl. She brought her knees together,
squeezing his trunk with her legs. She sat back onto him, and he groaned, deep
and guttural. Her hands slid down his flanks to anchor him at the waist.
Inside, her muscles clamped hard at the base of his cock, holding it steady.
She stroked the length of the member with hard and slow compression waves.
Freddie was panting in short, sharp breaths. His eyes closed, he shuddered. She
broke a sweat, concentrating to bundle nerve and muscle and form a small,
prehensile clitoris deep inside. Tender at first, it moved carefully toward
Freddie's trapped cock. It pushed against the glans, gaining in strength and
confidence. He cried out as, through the thin film of the condom, it penetrated
his urethra. She held it there, undulating, and drank in the pleasure that went
with controlling someone else's pleasure. For minutes, the two of them were
almost motionless except for their ragged breathing.
Then she released him, and they moved against each
other again- Her legs still grasping him
tightly, she leaned forward so that she could move faster. Their chests came together wetly. With the
scent of his sweat in her nostrils, she allowed herself to come to
a long, shuddering orgasm. She arched her back to shoot the fire up her spine,
her fingers digging cruelly into Freddie's flanks. She drew in a huge breath,
expanding her lungs superhumanly until the light-headedness of hyperventilation
was a soft, warm cloud around her. As her motion slowed, Freddie came with a
kind of relieved, injured sigh.
The disorientation of bliss faded slowly, and she let
her temporary changes subside. She did a slow internal census to make sure none
of her vital organs had been too badly wrenched in the passion. She massaged
her beautiful new hands, which were sore. She disengaged herself from Freddie
and lay alone for a moment before opening her eyes.
Freddie's eyes were still closed. Her mouth and her
throat were dry from panting. She reached up to the stereo top and retrieved
her mug of coffee. She filled her mouth with its cool and bitter dregs, and
leaned over to kiss Freddie. He responded with barely parted lips, and she let
half the coffee run into his mouth.
He swallowed thirstily, his eyes opening. She smiled
and kissed him again. He grinned weakly and closed his eyes again. She laughed
and rose to a kneeling position, running her arms under his knees and back. He
was surprisingly light, and the bedroom was only yards away. The effort
reminded her of the beer and coffee in her bladder.
His bathroom was clean for a man's.
After pissing, she sat next to him on the bed and
drank from his mug of coffee, which he had hardly touched. It was still cold
from the refrigerator. The sliver of sky visible through the windows of the
front room was reddening. She contemplated Freddie's right arm.
She turned it over, and ran her finger down the thin
blue line of the venus cephalica. Freddie did not react. He was deeply asleep.
Although she was tired from the brutal lovemaking, a
well of subtle energy had been tapped by it. Also, the coffee was extremely
strong. Freddie liked his stimulants.
She took his arm and laid it out straight on the bed,
palm up.
The skin of her right palm fit tightly against Freddie's
wrist. She held it there, its pores sweating until there was no air in the
spaces between their skin. Her other hand encircled his forearm, ready to pin
him. Things could get very messy if he woke up and started to thrash.
When she was set, she shifted into a squatting position,
her feet on the solid floor. Her breath slowed and deepened. The change
started.
The loose feeling in her gut was heightened by her
coffee-washed, otherwise empty stomachs. She was dizzy for a few moments, the
looseness slow to turn to pain. When it did, it moved up into her chest. Her
breathing slacked, and she coughed away the air in her lungs. Then the pain
grew hot and mean, and split into her shoulders. Her breath returned, burning
and ragged.
The pain burned its way toward her hands, spreading
down her arms like a lover's sharp, splayed fingernails cutting into her. It
concentrated in her palms with redoubled fury, scalding enough that it flashed
between cold and heat. A childhood memory reared up among red spots behind her
eyelids. Snow had last fallen in Manhattan when she was sixteen. Without
gloves, she had thrown snowballs until her hands were bright red and had grown
hard to move. Thinking she had frostbite, she rushed into her mother's
apartment and thrust the half-frozen hands under a stream of hot water. It had
felt like this.
She maintained control. She had done this before. The
fire concentrated itself in the thick complex of nervous tissue in her right
hand and began to pulse. At first the pulse was attuned to her own heartbeat,
which was faster than two beats a second. Then it slowed as she moved her
nerves toward the surface of her palm. By the time the first nerve strands
broke the surface, agonizingly tender in the sweaty medium between their skin,
the pulse was matched to Freddie's heartbeat.
Her nervous tissue began to penetrate the flesh of his
wrist. She bit her lip viciously with the pain of it, forcing the tissue
forward into Freddie's body. Millimeter by millimeter, she was burned by the
raw input from her naked nerves. She was careful to avoid his veins and
arteries. Finally, after a few breathless moments, the first signals from
Freddie's nervous system rose like a subtle itch. They were connected.
There was jazzy electricity from the remains of the
speed he'd taken, a flicker of a dream sending phantom commands to his limbs,
and, under it all, the calm deltas of deep sleep. There was also a background
hum of fresh pleasure from the natural opiates of their passion. Her pain
remained, but slipped sideways into some uncaring portion of her mind. As more
of her tissue followed and the connection broadened, she felt the phased beats
of their two hearts align. He was very fit, his heartbeat quite slow. The
messages from his kinesthetic sense briefly dizzied her, and she tipped
forward from squatting to kneeling. His brain waves washed against hers, pushing
her toward a half-sleep. She shook her head and nudged him carefully closer to
consciousness, so that the connection wouldn't drag her down into his sleep.
She ignored the information flowing through his
nerves, and felt the tissues themselves. Carpal Tunnel was new to her. The
nervous tissue was badly swollen, its expansion constrained by the lines of
muscle, bone, and blood that crowded the wrist. Under the stress of his
brutally quick and nervous qwerting, Freddie's nerves had bloated and were
starting to die.
The mass of the damaged tissue was small. She was glad
of that. She could spare the tissue. She always made her hands overly
sensitive. The healing required no direction, happening at the edge of consciousness.
Slender strands of her tissue spread through his, exactly tracing the swollen
nerve paths. A network of her nerves slowly built up that shadowed his own,
gradually replacing his damaged tissues. With a more conscious effort, she
took control of his excess tissue and drew it out bit by bit into the salty
spaces between their skin, where, disconnected, it writhed and died. An hour
went by in this dreamlike exchange.
When it was done, her nervous tissue that remained in
him drew back of itself. She was taken by a small shudder of surprise when the
last connection faded and her body was again distinct and alone.
Her bitten lip was sore. She wiped blood off her face
with her left hand. Through the front room, the light blue of early morning was
visible. Freddie, who had REMed throughout the process, slipped back into a
full sleep. She was exhausted. Setting a small time bomb of adrenaline to wake
her in five hours, she curled into a fetal position in the corner of the futon.
She tossed and turned, her brain buzzing with caffeine and the strange,
disowned images that had slipped into it from Freddie's thoughts. She often
wished she could control her mind as well as she could her body. At last she
slept a sleep full of alien dreams.
When the natural alarm went off and pushed her to the
surface of consciousness, her eyes were strangely dry. She was still tired.
Short sleeps were usually enough for her, but she never slept well in someone
else's bed.
As she dressed, her right wrist hurt like hell. It felt
weak and inflamed, probably close to what the symptoms of carpal felt like. She
poured a glass of water and drank it standing by the sink. Then poured another.
She went to Freddie and took his pulse from his right wrist. His arm seemed
fine. The pulse was strong, and he was close to waking up. She sipped the
water, flexed her sore wrist, and considered staying until he awoke. But she
had no way to explain what she had done.
Before she left, she took Freddie's brace from the
kitchen table and strapped it to her wrist. The Velcro pulled tight and
supported the sore muscles. The wrist felt better, and she liked the look of
the brace on her strange hand. Freddie wouldn't need it anymore, and her
nervous tissue sometimes took days to regenerate. She smiled. She could add the
brace to her collection.
She took Freddie's card from his wallet, locked the
door behind her, and slipped it back under. It was an old trick for letting
sleeping lovers lie.
Outside, the sky was cloudless, and there was a hint
of morning chill in the air. She bought some orange juice at a Korean. It was
painfully acid in her stomachs. Workday traffic choked the streets.
She decided not to take a taxi. Home was about thirty
minutes' walk, and the possible routes were many.
Chapter 2
Snips and snails
Halfway home, a fine mist began. As she walked, it
gradually shifted to sprinkling, and then a steady rain. The HARD plastic
burn-off from the night before turned to mush in the gutters. It had the
consistency of soggy confetti. She avoided 14th, where some kids were pelting
each other with damp and heavy snowballs of the congealed ash. Rainwater pools
formed over the sluggish drains on Houston, glistening with oily rainbow
snakes. The downpour let up suddenly as she turned onto Allen Street, one block
from home.
The elevator was working again.
************************************
She threw the red jump pants onto the shower stall
floor, hoping the harsh rainwater had faded them. She kneaded them with her
feet as she showered. Squeezing the last of a tube of FDA Acid Rain Wash into
her palm, she shuddered. You weren't supposed to use it on your hair. Her wrist
was painfully sore. She dried her forearm carefully when she stepped out, then
strapped the brace back on.
The rain hadn't diminished the humidity in her
apartment.
She regarded herself, naked except for the brace, in
the mirror. Among the disks strewn on the floor were two cans of illegal spray
paint, one silver and one black. She considered spraying the brace silver, taping
off a crosshatch pattern, and then adding the black. But the constant throb in
her wrist reminded her that the brace wasn't decoration. Its dirty beige color,
medical-looking and darkened a little by the rain, gave it a seriousness she
liked.
She toweled her hair as dryas she could with one hand,
then pulled the blackout blinds down over the open windows and tried to sleep.
A hot breeze stirred the blinds occasionally, allowing scalene shafts of
sunlight to probe the two rooms. She lay atop the sheets, limbs splayed to
radiate her body's heat.
At the remote edge of her attention a faint buzz
lingered, a leftover from her connection with Freddie. It was the hum of his
amphetamines imprinted on her nervous system. Under the speed's airy echo was a
deeper buzz: Freddie's inherent restiveness. It kept her off balance as she
fell toward sleep. It would steal up just as she slipped into unconsciousness
and jolt her awake. The shocks pushed her sideways from sleep, into a state
where she floated with alien sensations; strange daydreams that pulsed to
Freddie's unfamiliar rhythms. She had connected her nervous system with lovers
before, but somewhere in the interchange of tissue, Freddie and. she had
penetrated each other more intensely than she had expected. He was built of
sudden ideas, instantly grasped meanings, jolts of emotion. He shifted to new
perspectives unhindered by residue from the old. She reflected that in an era
without computers he would probably be useless to society.
As she lost consciousness, the individual sparks of
their connection coalesced into a single presence. She slept, again in his
embrace.
************************************
She woke to the mournful, staccato cry of heavy
equipment moving in reverse. Surprised to be alone, she reached for one of the
blackout blinds. At her touch it flew out of her hand, rolling up to reveal a
sunset so red and mottled that the sun itself was indistinct. She'd read an
article in the Times that said these sunsets were getting more common, and more
lush. She put on dark glasses and placed a Rolling Rock in the freezer,
twisting the ancient analog timer built into the stove to twenty minutes so the
beer wouldn't explode. Waiting by the window, she watched shadows climb the new
Kings County jail up on Houston.
Her wrist still hurt like hell, but the sharp stabs of
pain had subsided into a dull ache. She slipped the brace off and rotated the
wrist in slow and exquisite agony, swearing out loud. She kept up the exercise
with dogged determination, filled with the perverse pleasure/pain of pulling
the bandage off a scab. Once in a while a reluctant breeze would push a shallow
breath of air into the apartment, tainted with the smell of the city. Soon she
broke a sweat.
Her body still buzzed faintly with the nervous residue
of her connection to Freddie. The feeling had stabilized, its tiny shocks
replaced by a warm glow. She wondered if Freddie was back at work, casting a
net of interaction with the bored and lonely shutins of the electronic city.
She considered what it would be like to log on to the AcNet chat line and
anonymously converse with ME. But there was no modem on her deck. For that
matter, she didn't have a phone, and she hardly had the money to pay AcNet's
steep connection fees. But she found herself thinking of him.
By the time the timer rang, the sunset had diminished
to a finger-width streak of blood red.
'Beer in hand, she toured the closet in the reddish
half-light. It was Monday, and the Glory Hole was open tonight. There were
really only two choices: extravagant evening wear or her rumpled Mets shirt.
With her pretty Asian face, she preferred not to do the lipstick dyke routine.
It would be overkill. She slipped the Mets shirt on without putting down her
beer and sought out a pair of mercifully cool pinstriped pants that tied at
the waist. Somewhere, she found a blue pair of deck sneakers. They fit after
she flattened her arches a few centimeters. She tried them with socks, but it
was too hot.
Her hair was a frizzy mass of angst. She, ran her good
hand through it and considered the dog trimmer she had bought on Canal Street
the week before. It could be set in centimeter increments and could buzz the
whole fucking mess away before her beer got warm. As she had several times
since purchasing the trimmer, she pulled it out of its black vinyl case and
threatened the unruly hair. It was no use. Contemplating an irreversible
change in her appearance was almost impossible. She was too used to editing her
appearance, refining and redacting until it matched an image in her mind's eye.
But, she consoled herself, her nerve was slowly building. One day soon.
She tied a red bandanna around her neck and combed a
palmful of Stiff Stuff into her hair. The synthetic-smelling goo partly tamed
it. With her hair combed back, she looked more masculine.
But the face was still too pretty. The crowd at Glory
Hole was too rowdy for the angelic, rich-looking Chinese girl who stared back
at her from the mirror. She contemplated a small shift of her skull to make her
brow more manly, but the thought of it gave her a headache. In the last
twenty-four hours she had done enough shifting for a week.
What did monomorphs do at times like this? In one of
the milk cartons in the closet was a cluttered box of makeup implements stolen
over the years. She rarely used them. A tube of black lipstick seemed hopeful,
but what made Anglo girls look tough made her Asian face look like a geisha's.
She wiped it off. The makeup box also held a switchblade. She flicked it open a
few times before the mirror, posing with it between her teeth. It put an edge
on her soft appearance, but she could hardly carry it openly.
She ran the flat of its blade down her white and
perfect cheek. The answer was obvious, really.
Her stove was the ancient gas kind that could still be
found in the projects. It heated the apartment noticeably, but it boiled water
faster than a microwave. Once the water was bubbling, she swished the knife
blade in it until its metal handle grew hot. She sat down in front of the
mirror, having collected a handful of tissues from the box beside her bed.
Even though she knew the pain would be trivial compared with a change, it was
hard to get started. She blocked the nerves of her right cheek as best she
could and made an inch-long cut. The blade was duller than it looked.
The pain seemed far away, but it had a nasty,
throbbing edge that she wasn't used to. She let it bleed freely for a while,
watching the blood surface and run with morbid fascination. It had the tardy
pace of violence in an old western, welling and dripping down her face like
slow motion. After half a minute, she turned her concentration to sealing the
cut while she wiped her neck and chin dry. She dulled the red of the scar: a
little to make the wound look older.
Her face was perfect now. The thin line of the scar
added the touch of asymmetry she had been searching for. The wound toughened
the angle of her high cheekbones and made her dark eyes seem wiser and older.
It made it easier to wear the expression she preferred in the Glory Hole:
wicked and vulpine.
She reached into the ashtray beside her door, pocketing
her smartcard and a few dollar coins. She ignored the condoms. As she pulled
the door open, her wrist gave a sharp pang, and she remembered to put on the brace. She took the stairs
leisurely. It was a couple of hours before the Glory Hole would open.
One last wrinkled Times
was
left at the corner bodega, and there was a free table in the Paradise Lounge
on Houston. By the time her bean soup arrived, a soggy mountain of rice rising
from the center of the bowl, her hands were streaked with the Times'
bright
pastel hues. The heavy food had soon soothed her stomachs.
As she walked toward the West Village, there were
traces of relief from the heat. The streets were still wet from the day's
intermittent rain and a breeze off the East River had broken the humidity. The
traffic on Houston was light, even for a Monday.
Soon she saw why. West Houston was ripped up for
construction. Deep, muddy gouges in the street bared the subterranean complex
of the city's sewage, heating, and communication systems. She saw an old steam
pipe and thought of Freddie's theory of simultaneous decay. The concrete pipe
looked ancient and decrepit beside the fluorescent color-codes of the
fiber-optic PVC tubing piggybacked along it. Surely the wiring, fibering, and
piping couldn't all go bad at once. But the notion of a city rebuilt from the
ground up still appealed to her.
They were widening Houston to add a high-occupancy
transport and freight lane where the median had been. It was designed for
trucks and busses from the West Side VTOL port. The sidewalks were open to
pedestrians, though the big machines were still at work in the harsh glare of
halogen floodlights. The machines were awesomely loud, their gas-driven engines
enveloping the street in a thick cloud of fumes. She turned uptown. The club
was a few blocks north of Houston, on what native New Yorkers still called
Sixth Avenue.
************************************
The floor of the Glory Hole was tiled with the likeness
of a chained dog. The mosaic was crude and Roman-looking. The club's theme was
Pompeii: revelry before the eruption. The cover was twenty dollars. She knew
from experience that there was no arguing with the doorwomen. She usually
didn't pay covers on principle, but the club was only open once a week, and at
least there was no waiting around outside to be checked out. Not for women,
anyway.
As always, there was a mixed crowd inside, the
atmosphere more densely erotic than Payday's. The plurality of choices and the
lack of division into exogamous camps complicated the possible scope of arrangements.
In short, anybody could go home with anybody. And with little air conditioning,
it was very hot.
Rolling Rocks were five dollars. The bartender, who
wore a nose ring, smiled at her.
In the corner by the pool table were a group of women
who looked like they belonged to the row of Harleys parked outside. They wore
black leather chaps over dusty blue jeans, their collapsed helmets dangling
from straps around their wrists. They were heavy on neck bands; the drivers
wearing slender black leather around their necks, the backseat riders ornately
studded chokers. Even with her scar, she didn't feel up to joining them.
Along the back wall was a row of venerable pinball
machines. Countless generations of digital arcade machines had never completely
supplanted the old mechanical games. Especially in a bar, nothing could
duplicate the physical connection between the player and the encased ball. A
few lipstick types leaned into the machines, or stood by, smoking cigarettes in
long holders. They were all in bright dresses, high heels, and stockings.
Someone's kid walked unsteadily under the pinball tables, short enough to stand
upright under them. He was dressed in a little sailor's suit. One or two of
the women looked intriguing, but she felt a little intimidated by all the high
fashion. She stayed by the bar. The women here were dressed like her—loose
pants, T-shirts and halters, baseball hats turned sideways. Everyone had a
ready smile. They were free of the rough posturing being played out at the pool
table or the cool composure of the lipsticks.
Before her beer was half finished, a tall Italian
woman named Bonita had said hello and introduced her friends: two more women
and a man called Blake. There were always two or three men here, and, like
Blake, they were always safely gay. Once again, she decided her name was Lee.
They were nice people, though the music was too loud to do much but stand and
exchange glances. It was a kind of old-fashioned acoustic jazz. Lee's ears
picked up some of what Freddie had called "surface noise," and she
wondered if there was an LP player here. The music's feel was very loose, but
the rhythm was undercut by a heavy-handed beat coming through the floor from
the dance room below. Bonita asked Lee if she knew the club, as she didn't look
familiar. Lee laughed and dodged the question with her own: "Come here
often?" Bonita laughed and grasped Lee's braced hand. The contact lingered
for a moment, Bonita feeling the short, alien fingers before letting go.
A onetime lover of Lee's named Kathy came past. Lee
smiled and waved. Kathy waved back. Lack of recognition was no problem for
Kathy; she'd forgotten more lovers than most people remembered. The others
knew Kathy too. Everyone did.
The music changed downstairs, and they all wanted to
dance.
At each step down, the air thickened. It was more
crowded here. To the left was a sunken pool, about four meters to a side.
Usually it was empty of water, but tonight it had been filled. She paused at
the rail. Two dark-haired women, one with eyeglasses on, embraced in the
meter-deep water. The heady vapors of heated chlorine caught her breath. A
large, shirtless woman splashed into the pool, and a small wave splashed over
Lee's sneakers. She rejoined her new friends and danced, keeping her eye on the
stairs in case Kathy came down.
Bonita smiled at her again and split their dance off
from the group, standing a few centimeters closer to make it private. Her eyes
were light green, an uncanny color that was probably contact lenses. Her neck
was long and thin, her hair cut short as if to show it off. She caught Lee's
stare and posed for her a few beats, neck arched seductively, eyes closed, lips
pouting, and then laughed. Lee reached for her hand and returned the squeeze.
Bonita was prettier than the sort of person she normally liked, but her broad
shoulders and muscular arms had caught Lee's eye. The taut skin across Bonita's
collar bone revealed sharply defined sternal muscles, and the ridge of her
spine was sensuously apparent through her tight black T-shirt. Lee idly
wondered what Bonita would look like with the shirt off.
Kathy appeared and said, "Have you seen the pool?
It's filled again."
Lee answered, "Pompeii."
Kathy said something about either license or a
license.
The three of them danced.
The music here was less sophisticated than the
dancebeat at Payday. It followed a formula as old as the drum machine: a
cavernous bass drum on one and three, a snare like a car door slam on two and
four, the shuffle of a tight high hat struck four times every beat. As music,
it was as good-natured as the crowd, as free of pretense as Payday was drenched
in it. It was music so simple and literal that anyone could dance to it, and
everyone did.
They were soon all glistening with sweat. Bonita was
very fit, the energy in her step unwavering. Lee was starting to tire when a
few seconds of brownout, common in the summer, briefly interrupted the music.
Kathy stopped dancing and headed down a hallway toward another room. Lee
followed her, Bonita close behind.
The space had been changed since the Monday before.
There was the new-paint smell of recent construction! Small doors with coin
locks lining the tight hallway. Lee assumed they led to back rooms—small, dark
closets for private encounters.
In the far room, which had another bar, an air
conditioner labored with a heavy whine. A fire exit leading up to the street,
propped open to let in the cooling night air, was much more effective. Lee was
drenched with sweat. She fanned the hem of her shirt, and the cold air rushed
up and hit her chest like a cool shower. She was glad she'd worn the Mets shirt
instead of evening clothes.
A tall blond woman with a seat at the bar bought Kathy
a White Russian. The woman's friends were all drinking White Russians. The
press of bodies in the hall muted the music from the dance room, and it was
quiet enough to talk. Introductions were exchanged. The tall woman and her
friends were from New Orleans. They were flying back tonight, working
tomorrow. It was their first time in New York, and they were eager to compare
it to their native city. They talked about the gay scene in New Orleans, the
secrecy of their clubs and the danger of being bashed. The tall woman made a
comment about the political maturity of the New York lesbian scene, and Bonita
laughed out loud. Lee leaned against her and signaled for two more beers.
Kathy talked about a trip she'd taken to New Orleans in the nineties, and
though Kathy rarely exaggerated her tales of sexual conquest, the New Orleanois'
eyes widened.
Lee felt a kinship with Kathy that was hard to
explain. Kathy's promiscuity was so profound and casual that Lee was certain
she understood the aesthetic of anonymity. Kathy was so lax, so easy in her
sexual friendships that there was something polymorphous about her. Kathy
never changed, of course, but her oblivious
forgetfufness seemed constantly to reinvent the world for her. The New Orleanois
were being won over quickly. The tall woman bought Kathy another White Russian
and started calling her cher with a softly southern lilt.
Kathy's tale continued, and intensified. Lee exchanged a smiling glance with
Bonita.
They went back to the dance floor together.
The pool had grown crowded. Blake was in, looking wet
and uncomfortable. Lee pointed him out to Bonita, who laughed. They danced.
After a few minutes, Bonita's eyes took on an intent
look. She reached out and brushed Lee's stomach with her fingers. The touch was
feather-light, barely felt through the rough fabric of the baseball shirt, but
it felt strangely sharp and distinct. A shudder traveled up Lee's spine and
down to her loins, her sexual reaction somehow tinged with warning. A seriousness
overshadowed Bonita's easy advances, an intensity unfamiliar in the languid
protocols of the Glory Hole. Lee backed up a few feet, into a corner formed by
the wall and a stack of speakers. Bonita followed.
Lee set her beer on the top speaker and took Bonita's
hand in both of hers. Holding it lightly, she guided the hand under her own
shirt, so that Bonita's fingers brushed bare skin. Lee's stomach was slick with
sweat, and Bonita's hand slid smoothly across the wet expanse. The lush feeling
between Lee's legs became deep and sovereign, like the precursor to a change.
She leaned back against the wall. Bonita drew closer and her hand went farther
up Lee's shirt, pressing hard into her sternum, holding her against the wall.
Then she took the beer bottle in her other hand, freezing cold and sparkling
with condensation, and rolled it slowly across Lee's stomach. Lee gasped. As
the cold cylinder spanned her stomach, white freezing sparks shot out of it and
into every nerve.
There by the speakers, the short encounter seemed
almost private. The intense volume of the music shut them off from the rest of
the room.
When Bonita released her, Lee took a long drink from
the beer. She leaned against Bonita, who took her weight easily. Her head was
reeling. She tried to organize her body's resources to stave off the effects of
the alcohol in her system, but she was too tired from the night before. She
felt she had spent the day in only a half-sleep. She wondered if she'd picked
up any speed from Freddie's body. It didn't make much sense, but it felt that
way. She leaned against Bonita for a few minutes.
Kathy reappeared, the New Orleans people in tow. The
five of them danced, waving for Lee and Bonita to join them. Bonita stroked
Lee's neck absentmindedly as they rested against the wall. Kathy put her
half-empty drink down as she danced, and someone took it away. The tall woman
took her to the bar to buy her another White Russian.
Lee finished her beer and pushed Bonita toward the
remaining New Orleanois. She needed to find a bathroom.
She worked her way up the narrow stairs. The crowd
upstairs had grown thicker and more butch. Lee noted a number of dark green
army coats with cutoff sleeves. It had originally been a separatist uniform,
but a lot of women were wearing it now. There were a few shaved heads, one of
which had a swastika tattoo. The women's room had a long line. She waited
sullenly for a minute, then rapped once on the men's room door. There was no
answer, and she slipped in.
It was huge and empty, cool and dry, a luxuriant waste
of space. The floor and walls were decorated with the same mosaic tiles as the
floor upstairs. The trickle of her urine echoed thinly, and the toilet flushed
with a hollow roar. When it subsided, she paused for a moment in the huge
quiet. More than just empty, the place felt unused. Even with the paper towel
dispenser neatly filled, there was a sense of ruin. A men's room after there
were no more men. She ruminated for a few precious moments.
Of course, the club was for lesbians only Sunday
through Tuesday. It was gay men on Wednesday, bi-night on Thursday, and het on
the weekend. For the moment, however, the silence was holy.
Before she left, she thirstily drank tap water from
her hands. The water pooled in her palms with strange efficiency, the webbing a
useful adaptation. At the bottom of the stairs, Kathy, another White Russian in
hand, amorously kissed the tall woman from New Orleans. Bonita had disappeared.
Lee made her way down the hall toward the downstairs bar, which had grown even
more crowded. Bonita wasn't there either. Lee bought a beer with the last of
her cash. The other New Orleanois appeared, and one angrily announced that
Wendy was sleeping alone tonight. Lee assumed that Wendy was the tall one with
Kathy. Lee doubted Wendy was sleeping alone tonight. She also doubted Wendy was
getting back to New Orleans tonight. She headed toward the dance floor.
Kathy was in the pool. She saw Lee and yelled,
"Come on!"
The pool was less crowded than the dance floor. Lee
slipped out of her sneakers and put her smartcard and last dollar coin in one
and her beer in the other. She left the brace on. She went in ankle-and then
hip-deep. The water was warm and lush and licentious. She turned around and
fell backward into Kathy's arms. Kathy laughed and pulled her across the pool.
In the middle, Kathy let go, and Lee submerged into sudden and total quiet.
She stood up, and everyone was dancing.
One woman, whose pupils were huge, danced with a
chemical light stick, green tracers arcing around her. A petite and beautiful
woman in suspenders dragged her protesting girlfriend into the pool The
girlfriend handed a silk jacket back over the rail. Her chest was bare
underneath, and she was wearing bright nipple makeup, probably the flavored
kind. Most of the women in the pool were in their underwear. One in suspenders
was otherwise bare above the waist.
The sex was clean. It was innocent and unintrusive.
Like the half-submerged dancing, it was all above the waist. Lee went down on
her knees and shot across to Kathy, and was struck by the chemical light stick
midway.
Kathy said, "Isn't this great? Isn't this
fun?"
"Fun until someone loses an eye," she
answered.
Her shoulder hurt from the blow. Lee looked back at
the woman with the lightstick. Oblivious. Beautiful to watch.
Kathy laughed at Lee's joke. Lee pushed her down into
the shallow water and gave her a watery kiss on the shoulder. Kathy fought back
with a shove of water, scattering the dry women at the pool's edge. Lee
suddenly noticed how many people were watching them; the pool was bathed in
track lights that flashed in time to the incessant, unchanging beat. The sudden
realization that she was on display made her feel strangely faint.
She pulled herself onto the poolside. Her pinstripe
pants were tight around the ankles, and ballooned with trapped water. When she
stood, the water deluged onto the floor. It was embarrassing. She tried to
strip to her underwear, but the pants' zipper was soaked and unwieldy. The air
felt cold, and her beer was missing. She checked, and the card and dollar were
still there. She shrugged and returned to the warmth of the pool.
Wendy and Kathy embraced each other in a slow dance
that bore no relation to the music. Lee slid down, kneeling until her nose was
just above the water, and watched them. Kathy's shoulders were beautifully wet,
muscular, and tensed. Her olive tank top had turned black from the water. She
stood a head shorter than Wendy, who had curly hair. Their kisses fell
indiscriminately on neck, shoulders, forehead, mouth. Lee felt suddenly tired.
Her wrist hurt, and it felt like something had been sucked out of her palm. She
closed her eyes, like a child hiding her face to disappear. Kathy's and Wendy's
embrace, the scene, the music, and the night . . . scattered. She took a tiny
measure of control, making herself shed a few tears to get the clean rush that
follows a good cry. The tears mixed indifferently with the over chlorinated
water. She felt clarity returning.
When Bonita had touched her by the wall, something
had rung a strange alarm in her. In her drunken randiness, it had excited her
and overwhelmed her, but her initial response had been a warning from deep
inside. She searched her memory for a similar feeling, but there was none. In
this bar, she'd had dozens of encounters—casual, fleeting, and very safe. They
had always left her with a sense of sisterhood, with rushes of delight, with
the unfamiliar warmth of belonging. But there was something wrong.
When she opened her eyes, Bonita was in the pool
across from her, also submerged to the chin. Her hair was wet, and clung
tightly to her head. She looked different. There was no way to place the
change; cheekbones, neck muscles, eyes all were slightly adjusted. It was so
subtle only Lee's sharp eye for physiognomy could have noticed. Bonita's eyes
registered as Lee's stare became aware. The shock of recognition passed between
them.
************************************
A long time before, Lee had gone to Florida with a
rich man she had known for a few weeks. The six days out of state had been
awful. The sterile hotel, the insipid tourist nightlife, the plodding boredom
of a single identity and a single lover had left her desperate to return to
New York. There had been an ugly scene at the airport. She arrived home in the
middle of the night. As she pulled her bag from the taxi's trunk, she
recognized a passerby, and shouted to him. She had trained herself never to
show recognition, but the familiar face brought tears to her eyes. She
couldn't really remember who he was (just a local bartender) but the sense of
being home was as overwhelming as if he had been a long, lost friend.
Now, meeting Bonita's eyes, she had the same feeling.
There was the shock of seeing someone whom she felt she knew intimately. But it
wasn't the moment of playful sex beside the speakers that bound her to Bonita,
it was something deeper. There was the excitement of a new friend but also an
overwhelming sense of being home. Then Bonita smiled, half friendly and half
evil, and she was positive.
Bonita was another polymorph.
There was someone else like her.
Lee's vision clouded, and she thought for a moment
that she had slipped underwater. The fumes of the chlorine burned like sulfur
in her lungs. The music lost its volume as blood rushed to her head. The bright
reflections of track lights on the water's tempest surface turned red. A
thousand lives, spent alone, fell away.
When her vision cleared, Bonita was approaching
slowly, gliding forward, only her head above the water. Their eyes were locked.
There was no doubt that she also knew. Bonita took Lee under the arms and
lifted her from the pool. She was very strong. She remained on her knees in the
water and reached up to Lee's face. As Bonita's hand brushed her cheek, Lee
felt a kiss from the palm, small moist lips surrounding the nip of a tiny set
of teeth. She jerked her head back and saw the mouth resolve itself back into
Bonita's palm. Bonita smiled up with her half-evil smile. She lay her head on
Lee's lap.
In the relative cold outside the pool, in her fear (of
Bonita's too-sudden morph, of having been seen for what she herself was), and
in her sudden relief at being unique no longer, Lee shuddered. She leaned
forward, cradling Bonita's head. She stroked Bonita's shoulders, wet and naked,
and looked for the first time at another authored body. The ribs of Bonita's
thin, arched back showed clearly, as did the sharp sternal muscles. The
shoulders were as broad as a man's, and Lee saw how Bonita had arranged the
leverage in her thin body to maximize its strength. Bonita leaned back, her
arms still around the small of Lee's back. Lee saw how small Bonita's breasts
were, as sharp and taut as tensed muscles. Her jaw seemed too wide and firm for
her narrow neck, and it threw off her feminine, Italian beauty. In the bright
track lights, the uncanny green eyes were stunning.
Bonita stood. In the shallow pool, her face was level
with Lee's. Her forearms rested on Lee's shoulders. Her knowing smile hadn't
wavered. Lee felt exhausted, but Bonita seemed sure of herself, almost casual.
Their faces, their lips, were very close.
"I've been looking for you," said Bonita.
The possible meanings of the statement swirled in
Lee's head. All she could muster was a questioning look. She wanted to say Please
explain this. Explain everything. Explain who we are. But she knew instinctively that to do so would put her at
Bonita's mercy. As overwhelmed as she was, Lee still held back her trust.
Lodged fast in her throat was a kernel of fear, sustained by the mental image
of the mouth she had seen disappear into Bonita's palm. She didn't trust the
imagination that had formed that apparition just for the sake of a gesture. And
there was another caveat, hovering at the edge of awareness. Lee had spent her
whole life hidden. She couldn't bring herself to trust anyone who could see
her for what she was. Not yet.
Bonita tilted her head, leaned forward so that her
lips were inches from Lee's ear. "You're alone. Am I right?"
Slowly but surely, it dawned on Lee. The question had
been quietly rising in her from the first second she had realized Bonita was a
polymorph. In her initial confusion, it had been impossible to think about the
question clearly. But it was inherent in the existence of another
body-changer: Were there still more? Now Bonita had given her the answer. It
was the source of Bonita's confidence, her surety. She had used the word alone
to
describe Lee because she, Bonita, was not alone.
There was no hiding that Bonita had the advantage.
She leaned her head to Bonita's ear and spoke just above the music.
"There are more of us, aren't there?"
Bonita smiled her evil smile and said nothing. Lee
despaired of simple answers.
Bonita's dropped an arm from Lee's shoulder and stroked her
half-submerged calf. "Didn't you ever consider that you might not be the
only one?"
Lee considered this. There was a mass of unarticu-lated
memories to be negotiated. She had never spoken to anyone of this.
"At first," she said, "I thought
everyone could change. Even before I found out what changing was, I knew there
was something that no one was telling me about. There was some force all around
us that was powerful and frightening, and you could joke about it, or halfway
suppress it, or fall into it with a vengeance and never crawl back out. When I
found myself controlling where my muscles and bones went, I assumed that
changing was the something that adults wouldn't talk
about in front of us children."
Bonita looked at her quizzically.
"Turned out I was wrong. My parents were Reform
Catholic. Sex was the hidden thing. It took me a couple of years to
sort out that sex and changing were even different. Maybe I never really did
learn to distinguish the two. So anyway, I spent my childhood thinking that
changing was something only adults did, that it was part of experimenting with
your body, like fucking or drinking or smoking, that kids weren't supposed to
do, or even know about.
"The big surprise was when I started experimenting
with other kids. One by one the hidden things became unhidden. I smoked a
joint, drank a six-pack and puked, blew a guy off, felt up another girl. But
those experiments somehow never led to talk about changing. I kept waiting for
some older kid to say, 'So, can you turn your cunt into a dick?' "
Bonita laughed, leaned in a little closer. Her hands
were warm on Lee's wet back. Lee's throat was a little hoarse from talking over
the music, but she continued.
"Then I made friends with a kid called Jose. He
was a pretty boy, and all the girls liked him. I thought I was in love with
him. He was one of those kids who likes to play with his body. You know: burns
his own skin with a lighter, puts a straight pin through the webs between his
fingers, likes to show you his dick. He liked me because I could outdo all the
other kids at the things close to his heart. I had double-jointed elbows, I
could bend my fingers all the way back, and could curl my tongue like the
devil, literally. So one day he came over and we spent an hour in the closet,
trading secret knowledge by flashlight. I guess I went a little too far. I
showed him one of my scariest face changes, which I used to practice in the
mirror. He screamed bloody murder, ran like hell, and never came over
again."
Lee stopped. She had wanted Bonita to do the telling.
It was new and strange to say all this out loud. As she spoke, the memories
came to her as fresh as yesterday's. She had never spoken them, had even been
afraid to write them down. Never before articulated, they came forward in
whole cloth, pure and unretouched.
Bonita jumped into the pause. "So, you finally
figured out that you were a freak."
"I wasn't sure right away. But I started to get
the general picture. I figured that Jose would tell his parents, or the
police, or someone, and that I was in deep shit. When no one came to haul my
freak ass away, I vowed to keep my power under my hat. Having made a fool of
myself, I went totally underground."
"How very human," said Bonita. "You made a
mistake, so you adopted a position on the opposite extreme. Since everyone
else
was not a changer, no one else was. You went from Condom Catholic to existentialist."
She laughed.
Lee didn't like the way Bonita italicized words at
her. She realized she had said too much. She wanted to make Bonita talk. She
decided to go on the offensive.
"How did you know me?" she asked. If she was
going to find more polymorphs, that was the key.
Bonita smiled and grasped Lee's ankle firmly, pulling
her leg from the water. She felt the sole of Lee's foot for a few seconds,
concentrating.
"As I thought. The hands give you away, of
course. Mother Nature did not come up with those mutations.
But I wasn't sure. The brace was a good idea. I almost bought it poor crippled
girl. But you didn't hide them, like a cripple would. You seem to enjoy the
shock effect your hands have. Even in this rather . . ." Bonita looked around
at the revelry with cool eyes, ". . . accepting crowd, there's always the
childhood imperative in the back of a disabled person's mind telling her that
she's bad and should hide. You didn't grow up with those hands, and you sure
wouldn't have paid a surgeon for them. So I watched you. When you got into the
pool, you took off your shoes. I looked hard, and your feet didn't have any
calluses. Surprise, surprise. It's a typical mistake, one I've made myself. I
was doppelganging this guy's wife, and I thought I had her perfect. But then he
noticed that I was way too smooth; no writer's hump on my middle finger, no
calluses on my heel, no cuticles—"
"You were what?" Lee strained to replay in
her mind what Bonita had said. The music, her confusion, and the alcohol in
her system made the last words too hard to process.
Bonita had stopped suddenly, seeming to realize she'd
revealed too much. She smiled and kissed Lee's ear. With the license still
heavy around them, it was exciting enough to be distracting. Lee pulled away to
clear her head.
"When you watched me getting into the pool, I
didn't see you," Lee said.
"You just didn't recognize me."
Shit, Lee thought. Bonita had made
herself invisible by changing, almost as if it were as easy as combing her
hair. Lee had felt the word "cripple" as Bonita had said it. It was
directed at her. Compared to Bonita, her changing was slow and faulty. She
shook her head.
She was tired as hell, and her beer drunk was turning
sloppy. Having discovered another of her kind, she felt more alienated than
ever. Her underlying fear of Bonita had settled into a measured dislike. There
was something about Bonita that was too sharp and mean, especially in the warm
and free environment of the Glory Hole. Bonita kissed her ear again. The
advances were still enticing amid the newness of discovery, but there was
something odd about them. Lee held Bonita close and gave in to them, trying to
place it.
Around them, the pool had turned orgiastic. There were
hands in pants, and pants that were off. The few boys had retreated out of
sight. In the corner of the pool bounded by the club's walls, Kathy was going
down on Wendy, dental dam gone to hell in the struggle to stay above water.
Bonita's hands reached under Lee's shirt, and the lush feeling between her
legs, which had never really gone away, expanded again. Lee relaxed. She had
gone home with worse bitches than Bonita. She let herself sink down into the
pool.
As her thoughts unwound from the tight knot of
questions she wanted answered, they were reshuffled by the inane logic of her
subconscious. Images from the past two days flew up in synch with her body's
sexual response. Bonita penetrated her with a pair of fingers that gradually
fused and smoothened, fingernails replaced by a cartilaginous ridge of bumps
around the head of the new digit. Lee held on to Bonita's muscular shoulders
and leaned back. She locked the muscles in her hands, so that her weight hung
from Bonita without effort. Bonita's fused fingers splintered into a complex
flower that probed Lee purposefully. Each offshoot inside her seemed
self-directed, each wonderfully aware of her responses to its explorations. She
drew in breath, expanding her vagina, and felt Bonita add another finger.
Her specific awareness of what Bonita was doing to her
fell away. Someone behind her, outside the pool, lent knees to lean against. An
anonymous pair of hands massaged her shoulders. The slow internal progression
toward orgasm began.
As waves of sensation cleared her mind, the dull-wittedness
of beer and confusion lifted. Against the blank slate of the pleasure that
engulfed her, she saw projected a faint shadow of Freddie's buzz, still inside
her. Then it was replaced by a new connection; Bonita was linking herself
subtly with nerves in the walls of Lee's vagina. It was not as extreme as her
connection with Freddie had been, but it was still deeply intimate, and the
approach of orgasm quickened. As the connection widened and intensified, the
character of Bonita's imprint became apparent. She compared the flat, sharp
texture of Bonita's nervous pattern with Freddie's more sudden, unpredictable
buzz. As her body began to stiffen and pulsate, her mind remained strangely
detached and observant. She started to gasp, and a wash of thoughts flooded
her. She saw, with a finality as sudden and unexpected as any orgasm, what
made Bonita and Freddie alike; what made them different from her.
The realization interrupted her orgasm, and she was
only half-spent when she straightened and grasped Bonita's shoulders again. She
had to know. She pulled herself to Bonita's ear and said in a firm voice,
"You were born a man, weren't you?"
Bonita opened her eyes, a look of surprise in them.
Inside her, Bonita's fingers re-formed. For the first time, Lee felt that she
had gained the upper hand. It lasted for only a few seconds.
Then Bonita smiled her devil smile. She took Lee's
hand from her shoulder and pulled it down into the water. Through the rough
fabric of Bonita's jeans, Lee felt the unmistakable hard form of a large, engorged
cock.
Lee's voice was dry. "You've had this
goddamn thing all along, haven't you?"
“I wouldn't leave home without
it," he said, smug as hell.
"You son of a bitch!"
"What's your problem? Don't tell me you've never
had a cock."
"I have," she said. She leaned closer, her
grasp sharp on the back of his neck. "But this is not a place for pricks."
He pushed her away with one finger on the center of
her chest, and spoke sharply above the music.
"That doesn't make any difference to us. Gender
is a human thing." She realized that, as once before, he had
used the word pejoratively. "Besides," he said, "what's it hurt
these dykes? Their mothers'd probably be glad they're in the pool with a
man."
He didn't see it coming. Lee gave no warning, because
she didn't realize what she was doing. The blow hit him solidly, open-palmed
and flat, the heel of her hand right at the edge of his jaw. His face shifted
briefly at its impact into a strange comic mask of befuddlement. He pulled it
back together, but it still held a look of shock. One cheek was red, his lower
lip split on one side.
Then he regained control. "You dyke bitch!"
His voice was deeper now. He moved suddenly, and she instinctively raised an
arm to ward off a blow. But he was out of the pool. He strode to the stair and
turned back toward her, and his face shifted again. For a sudden, insubstantial
second, he glared at her through a bizarre mask. His mouth lipless and suddenly
too large, eyebrows devilishly arched, eyes reduced to slits, skin taut as a
corpse's over his skull. The look was literally monstrous. It passed so quickly
she doubted anyone else could have seen it. If they had, they would have
fainted.
He turned and disappeared up the stairs.
She realized she had to follow him. How could she ever
find her kind again? As she ran to the stairs, women parted quickly, alert with
the embarrassment with which people react to a lovers' quarrel. The stairs were
still wet where Bonita had passed.
The crowd upstairs slowed her progress toward the
door. It had become still more crowded and butch, the women standing firm as
she tried to press through them. She reached the door and stepped into the
warm, fresh night air. There was no one in sight. She spoke to the doorwoman.
"Did a woman just leave?"
"No. Some guy with no shirt on did, though.
Looked mad, too. Somebody cut his dick off?" The woman laughed a low
throaty laugh to herself.
Lee looked up and down Sixth Avenue. Bonita was gone.
There was a hand on her shoulder. Her heart sank. She
would catch hell for hitting another woman in the club. She turned. It was
Kathy, wet and flushed, but cheery.
"Girl, you bopped that bitch!"
Lee opened her mouth to explain but found herself
speechless.
"I don't know what she said to you, but I never
liked her one bit." Kathy paused, uncharacteristically thoughtful.
"There was something about her that just pissed me off."
Lee couldn't help grinning. "You don't know how
glad I am to hear you say that, Kathy."
A cool wind came up, chilling them in their soaked
clothes.
Together, they went back inside.
A few women downstairs looked at her coolly. They had
seen the blow. By the pool, there was a discarded black T-shirt. Lee frisked it
quickly. Kathy, a concerned look on her face, put a hand on her shoulder. In a
shallow zippered pocket sewn into the left sleeve was a single faded receipt, a
phone number scribbled on the back. Lee blew the edges dry where
her fingers had dampened them and tucked the receipt into her shoe.
Kathy offered to buy her a drink. Wendy and the other
New Orleanois had left. They were catching the red-eye flight back home after
all. Lee accepted. Her daze of confusion and alcohol had been broken by the
adrenaline rushes of the last few minutes. But another sensation, quite
unfamiliar, had replaced the bewilderment—a vast feeling, empty and reverberant,
with a thin line of panic in it. She squeezed Kathy's hand harder and harder
as they waited at the bar.
Somewhere in this massive city, there were other
people who could change. Like her, they were hiding. No one could hide better.
She had, for a moment, grasped a chance to join them, her own tribe. Now the
chance was gone.
She looked down at the floor, a million kilometers
below. For the first time in a long time, she felt alone.
Their beers in hand, Kathy led Lee to one of the back
rooms in the hall and wound a few dollar coins into the lock.
Chapter 3
candy
The next morning, she discovered that she had made it
home.
Her brain was parched and beaten. She felt like
something that had crawled out of the Bronx Free Enterprise Zone. A glass of
water sat by her bed untouched. She swore. Her voice sounded like sandpaper
trying to talk.
She popped four aspirol, and managed to drink about a
third of the water before puking.
Hours later, the afternoon sun hitting her windows
straight on, she woke up again. Her stomachs were on fire from the aspirol, but
her head was steady. The puke by the bed was dried and thin. It reeked of alcohol.
Her hands and the pillow smelled like chlorine.
In the shower, the water swung wildly between cold and
hot, but she hardly noticed. Drying herself, she realized vaguely that her
wrist was better. The muscles were still tender from disuse, but for the first
time since curing Freddie the wrist felt whole again. She took the brace off
and pitched it into the closet room.
She sat before the mirror. The vaguely familiar person
that stared back at her looked pathetic. The muscles in her face were slack
from the hangover. Her eyes were as bloodshot as a junkie's. The scar on her
cheek was starting to scab, and her ass was sore with a fingertip-sized
bruise.
This last was Kathy's doing, -he guessed.
She stood and bent at the waist until the top of her
head touched the floor. She stayed that way, thankful that the aspirol had
removed all dizziness. Vertigo was the part of a hangover she couldn't stand.
Her arms rotated slowly through a full windmill, one way and then the other,
and she straightened. Her hair looked like shit. She swore. It was time to
deal with the hair once and for all.
She uncased the dog trimmer, and yanked open a spot on
the power strip nearest the mirror. Plugging the trimmer in, she fumbled to set
the blade into its carrier. She decided two centimeters was fine.
The operation was painless. The little motor buzzed
against her head in a distant, benign sort of way. Dark locks fell around her
like autumn leaves, only a straight, even burr remaining.
When she was done, she touched her own head with
fascination. More than the way it looked, the feel of the buzzed, stiffly erect
hair intrigued her. Her palm was tickled by its touch. She explored every
square centimeter of her scalp. Looking at herself, she almost managed to
smile. Between the red eyes, her scar, and the buzz, she looked like one mean
bitch.
She sprayed down the puke with ammonia, and scraped it
up with a handful of paper towels. She swept the pile of hair clippings into
the biodegradable plastic bag she'd brought her last groceries home in and
threw it all into the compost can down on the ninth floor.
On the way back up, she scratched her head. There was
something she had to do today. Then she remembered. Track down the invisible.
Find Bonita.
In her shoe was the receipt she had found in Bonita's
pocket. It seemed to be from a restaurant. The name of the place wasn't on the
receipt, just items and prices. On the back was a scribbled phone number and a
name: Candy.
She didn't have a phone.
She dressed, moving cautiously in the fog of hangover.
It was daylight, so she opted for the anonymity of all black. She found a mesh
shirt that was fine enough to obscure her breasts and loose enough to keep her
cool. The shorts she chose were a man's size, but their tight elastic waist
held them on. They went down almost to her knees. She put on her fullerine
sunglasses, which remained transparent in the dark apartment. The ashtray by
the door was out of change, but there were three twenties under it. Between
that and the $400 or so in her smart account, she wasn't doing badly; her next
welfare direct deposit was tomorrow.
************************************
New York State gave her use of the apartment,
subsidized by the Feds with FDPRA money. She rated Displaced Person status because
of her welfare identity: Milica Raznakovic, a Serb refugee severely wounded in
the vengeance bombardments after the Macedonian revolt. She had slipped in
among a planeload of DPs at Kennedy, changed to an anthropologically generic
Serbian body type with a horribly crushed leg and arm. She'd learned a few
words of the most obscure Macedonian dialect she could find and claimed to know
no Serbo-Croatian or Greek, just a half-fluent English. The overworked INS officials
at JFK were happy with this unlikely identity. At the time, a lot of Eastern
Europeans were showing up without their papers intact. She was given asylum,
and eventually citizenship.
A few X-rays of her shattered limbs and she had been
rated A-2 in the Cuomo hierarchy: set for life. On top of her $720 a week, she
received a medical dispensation for prosthetics once a year. Her income wasn't
much, but her needs were simple. If she ever wanted more money, she figured she
could use her talent to get it, one way or another.
The prosthetics bonus had covered anatomy classes at
Hunter College for two years. In that time, she'd learned everything relevant
that the monomorph professors could teach her. The next bonus went to a
computer. She poached various City University libraries for anatomy disks
before her Hunter ID expired. Her true curricula, however, were the live
bodies she picked up in bars. Anatomy classes were limited. The professors'
understanding of the body was based on the static bulk of a cadaver, but her
interest lay in the vital form. The bodies of her lovers, extended to their
limits in the exhausting work of passion, were better textbooks than any disk
she'd booted at Hunter.
************************************
The hall was hot and smelled of Spanish cooking. The
elevator seemed to be working, but it passed her floor several times without
stopping. She took the stairs philosophically; if the city were any more efficient,
maintaining her welfare identity wouldn't have been so easy.
She changed two dollar coins into quarters at the
corner bodega and fed its pay phone. Without any idea of what to say, she
dialed the number. A digitized voice asked for two more quarters. She looked
at the receipt, and realized that the number was a 9900- exchange, a pay call.
Great, Bonita was a phone sex fan. No doubt Candy was his favorite. This was
probably a waste of time.
She dropped in the money. Another digitized voice came
on:
You
have reached the Second Federal Guaranty money line. The charge will be 86
cents per minute. Hang up now if you do not want to be billed.
A resigned curiosity kept her on
the line. She had more quarters.
Enter
the PIN code for the account you wish to access . . . now.
It took a few moments for her to realize what was
going on. When the voice asked her to, she pressed the # key for more time and
dropped more quarters. Then she input 2-2-6-3-9: Candy.
There
were the obligatory pops and clicks of access. The voice came back, all
business now.
Main Menu:
Touch 1 for account balance;
Touch 2 for last five transactions;
Touch 3 for the current rate;
Touch 4 to transfer money between working
and high interest funds.
Touch
9 for an account specialist.
She pressed the 1 key. The emotionless digital voice
named a staggering amount. When prompted, she touched * for the main menu again
and listened intently. There was no way to transfer or withdraw the money.
Bonito, apparently, had figured out how to turn his
soft flesh into hard millions.
The question was how to follow the money back to
Bonita. She doubted that an account specialist was going to give her his name
and address. Guaranties that handled accounts of this magnitude fought subpoenas
to maintain their clients' privacy. She hung up.
She turned the receipt over and studied the bill. It
looked pricey. Not much help. There were a lot of pricey restaurants in New
York.
She got a seat at the bar of the Paradise Lounge. The coffee was strong here. She focused the
caffeine, forcing the hangover to retreat a little further. Her brain came
slowly back to life. The receipt was printed on heat-sensitive paper. It showed
prices and abbreviated names of dishes: lspecdujour, lswdfsh,
2vchysois, 2cappno. She remembered seeing a book on someone's coffee table
once, Menus of New York's 100 Finest Restaurants. It had been oversized, with
full color on every page; a coffee table book. She wondered if this restaurant
was in it somewhere. The prices would probably be out-of-date by now, though.
And what would she do if she found the restaurant?
From the Paradise house phone, she called the Main
Branch Library in midtown. After navigating several levels of touch-tone
branching, she finally accessed a human being. He told her that the tourist
kiosk on the library network had access to on-line menus for all the expensive
restaurants in town. He explained that she couldn't log on to it, though. It
was direct-lined to terminals in hotel lobbies. When Lee asked specific
questions about how the database worked, she was transferred. The next person
to pick up had no idea what she was talking about. Transferred again, she
found herself back to a touch-tone branch that she'd navigated before. She hung
up. She needed help from someone who could log on to the NYPL service and hack
the menu database.
She smiled. Freddie was her man.
AcNet was in the 411 directory. She called, and a
digitized voice asked for the extension she wanted. She pressed 0 for a human
and waited five minutes and two more quarters. The human came on and said that
Freddie wasn't there.
She went one block west to the F train at First
Avenue. The station reeked of the Transit Authority's new disinfectant, which
smelled worse than urine. It felt like a hundred degrees on the platform. The
only other person waiting with her was a woman on crutches, who swayed
listlessly in the heat. She thought the woman might topple onto the tracks at
any moment. She tried to remain very calm and still, and with great control
managed not to break a sweat.
This close to the start of evening rush hour, the wait
was short. Since she was headed uptown, the train wasn't crowded. The shock of
air conditioning was brutal but welcome.
She wasn't sure exactly where Freddie lived but
trusted herself to retrace her steps on foot. She exited at 23rd Street,
squinting for the second it took the fullerine sunglasses to adjust. They were
made out of the same fancy carbon as HARD plastic, virtually unbreakable.
Rather than filtering light, they let a fixed amount through and completely
shut out any light beyond that. When she washed them, water ran off the lenses
frictionlessly, so they didn't need to be dried. They were good glasses.
She found Freddie's building downtown of the subway
station. It was closer to the Glory Hole than she had realized. At the door,
she remembered that the buzzers were broken. After counting windows, she
started throwing change. He came to the window after the first direct hit, a
loud flat smack against the double safety panes.
He waved, a qwerty bracelet on his hand, and disappeared.
He looked glad to see her.
Freddie was out of breath when he reached the door,
which she took as a compliment. They climbed the dark stairs wordlessly. His
door was ajar. The sink was full of dishes, two qwerty bracelets thrown onto
the kitchen table. He offered her a mug of the iced coffee drink they had
shared thirty-six hours before. She accepted gratefully. In the study, his Sony
was booted up, his VTV running the familiar screen saver program. She'd learned
over the years that people's software, like their pencils, were usually stolen from the office. The bedroom was dark
except for punctuated flares of light from the VTV in the next room.
They sat on the futon. There was a comfortable pause.
"So," he said, "you're
a hell
of a lover."
She laughed and waited, happily disarmed.
"I mean, next time leave a note or
something." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you showed
up. I was gonna write you off as a dream. Nice dream." He paused.
"Nice haircut."
"Thanks." The coffee was brutal on her empty
stomachs, but worth it.
He repeated himself in a softer voice: "I'm glad
you showed up."
"I'm glad I found you. I didn't have your number,
and your damn buzzers don't work. It's lucky I hit the right window."
"My number's in the book."
"So what's your last name?"
He laughed, and said, "Smith." When she
laughed back, he added quickly, "I'm serious, by the way. Smith."
"Okay, okay. Freddie Smith."
His eyes darkened.
"Where'd you get that scar?"
She realized she had been fingering it unconsciously
and dropped her hand. "I cut myself."
He reached out and touched the scar. Another pause,
that was more uncomfortable, and then he said haltingly, "You are
a hell
of a lover, you know." He almost seemed to blush.
"I'm glad you liked it."
"It's hard to think of anything else. Now I know
why they . . . you know, everyone in charge . . . doesn't want you to enjoy sex
too much. Why orgies are discouraged."
She smiled. For the last few weeks, the election had
settled into the usual round of moralistic mud-slinging. "It reduces their
power over you," she said.
"And it makes it hard to get any work done! I
have been the worst employee the last two days."
"That's what I mean."
He laughed and took her hand. "Oh, yeah. But I
also mean, it makes it hard to concentrate. And to qwert. . ." He looked
at her, an idea in his eyes. She could see him discard his thought as
irrational. He had come close to asking a question.
It was time to distract him. "I have a favor to
ask you."
His eyes lit up. "Sure."
She decided to put it as simply as possible. "I
have a receipt, from a restaurant, I think. I want to find the
restaurant." She showed him the scrap of paper.
He looked at it and turned it over. "Did you try
this number?"
"Yes. It's a bank access number. 'Candy' is the
PIN code. But that doesn't help me. I need to find the restaurant. The Library
has a database with restaurant menus, but I can't get anyone up there to help
me."
"You have interesting problems," he said.
He stood, looked around for a confused moment.
"They're in the kitchen," she offered. He
left to retrieve the qwerty bracelets, returning with them on. Sitting, he
flexed his fingers, and the monitor on the desk cleared. She stood behind him.
A series of overlapping windows retreated as he backed
out of whatever he'd been doing. When the screen was clear, she saw that his
system was bifurcated into a Delicious desktop and a Win6 domain. Her computer
literacy was minimal, but she knew this configuration was impressive. She had
assumed Freddie could hack, and was glad to see that she'd been right. He
qwerted open a telephone icon on the desktop, and the white noise of disk
access changed to the near silence of fiber traffic. The AcNet logo appeared.
"Aren't you going into the library service?"
she asked.
"Yeah," he said, his words measured as he
split his concentration between speaking and qwerting. "But we're going in
through AcNet. NYPL responds faster if it thinks you're a network. Besides,
city databases cost money, and this could take a while. I'd rather my employers
pick up the tab."
A hacker's smugness tinged his voice.
She watched. In seconds, the New York Public Library
seal appeared, and Freddie's fingers began to qwert in short, sudden bursts.
The images on the high-resolution VTV shifted quickly. A flurry of windows
opened, each from inside the previous one like Chinese dolls, then the screen
froze and cleared. After a few still moments of fiber activity, the cycle
started again. She strained to follow Freddie's course through the layers of
access. The basic desktop background changed every few cycles as Freddie moved
among the different systems installed over the years. He was searching for the
tourist kiosk in the Main Branch, sifting through the various obsolete,
up-to-date, and hypermodern machines that were kluged together to form the
unruly cyberspace of the New York Public Library. She saw Freddie's two
operating systems joined by a third as his Sony tried to compensate for the
wildly incompatible generations of computers spread across the city.
He spoke in a distracted voice, just above a murmur.
"Some of the older terminals at the Main Branch are pretty archaic, even
compared to the primary system there, and they aren't directly connected to
it. But they still maintain contact with their counterparts at other branches.
If you build a UOS daisy chain of terminals out of and back into the Main Branch,
you can through-put connections between unconnected machines."
"Whatever you say," she said. As she watched
the shifting images on the screen, though, some of what he said made sense.
Windows opened and shut, some sharp, colorful, sophisticated, some with the
tatty look of an old TV show. They offered glimpses into libraries across the
city. The slow, monochrome text fields of a South Bronx database. The crisp,
full-motion graphic domain of the new branch in East Chelsea. Different virtual
worlds.
One of the older databases they encountered was dedicated
to a Shakespeare concordance. The output was text-only. It probably had less
memory than her portable. He paused at a few phrases: "tomorrow and
tomorrow," "yonder window," "forever and a day."
Whether it was literary interest or to check the machine's performance she
couldn't tell.
As Freddie finally reached the higher-end computers
at the Main Branch, one of the new prototypes caused the Manhattan Cable
monitor to bleed with strange double images. Freddie explained that the Main
Branch graphic environment was formatted for viewing with a VR visor. The
uncanny landscape on the screen was studded with hypertext narrabases, New
York Times Book Review
kudos
hovering over them unsteadily. Freddie showed how he could pick up the
narrabase icons on the screen with mime-like motions of his qwerty-braceleted
hands. But when he tried to open one, it shattered into fractile glitter.
He shrugged and murmured, "Not fully compatible,
I guess."
The interleaved generations of computers in the NYPL
system reminded Lee of something Freddie had said two nights before. The chaos
of the library service resembled the kluges that held together the plumbing,
heating, and communication systems of the real city. For that matter, it
reminded her of the complex legal maze of the welfare system. The layering of incompatible technologies in
the library system created the same undependable, broken
terrain. She guessed that most computer networks suffered from this
generational incompatibility, that this was the model from which Freddie had
developed his theory about the coming collapse of New York. Freddie's
intuitions about the physical city's future were inspired by the disrepair of
the virtual worlds in which he worked and played.
There was something to be said for starting from
scratch.
Still, he was enjoying himself, even if the network
was a mess. Behind him, she smiled. He enjoyed it the way children enjoy
playing in half-constructed buildings and abandoned houses. He moved through
the broken terrain of the system as through a playground obstacle course.
As his search narrowed, his qwerting became faster and
faster, his breathing more and more shallow. It reminded her of his passion two
nights before. She wondered if his qwerting speed had increased since her
surgery.
"Got it!" he cried, raising a hand in the
air. A handful of pulldowns crowded the screen as his fist clenched in triumph.
He opened his fingers slowly, careful not to select anything.
They were inside the tourist kiosk. From here, selecting
the on-line menu service was simple. A few copyrights and disclaimers appeared,
and then the title screen of the application. Freddie laughed. The rococo
screen was decked out with useless eighteenth-century decoration. The
interface was simple and loud, with large buttons suited for fat-fingered
tourists using touch screens in their hotel lobbies. After the morass of
technological entropy they had negotiated to find it, the user-friendly program
itself was comic relief. It had copious Help, it talked, and there were four
languages to choose from.
Freddie started by probing its limits. He slipped into
and out of a few of the restaurants' menus, ducking into sidebars, utilities,
and small dialogue boxes crowded with credit card and reservation information.
There wasn't much to it. In a search utility, he cross-indexed characteristics
to generate a few arbitrary subsets: all vegetarian restaurants below Houston,
all the places on Broadway that took Amex, and so forth. He began to look
concerned.
"There's not a lot of power here. I don't think
it'll search for item prices, which is all we've got to go on."
"What's under that dollar sign?" she asked,
pointing to a pulldown icon.
"That just gives a general range, from 'affordable'
to 'very expensive.' We need to search based on specific prices of specific
items." He paused a second. "By the way, check this out." He
momentarily switched the text language to Romanized Japanese, and the dollar
sign morphed into a New Yen sign. He chuckled and switched back.
"Very cute," she said. "But back to our
problem. Couldn't we just search them all?"
"Manually? Are you serious? There's thousands of
menus in here. By the time we hit the right restaurant they'll have changed the
prices."
"Shit," was all she could say.
"Well," he said, his energy a little faded,
"when all else fails, read the paperware."
They looked again at the receipt. It was dated June 4.
The meal was for two people: two soups, two entrees, and two coffees. Judging
by the soups, the restaurant could have been French. But vichyssoise was a
standard of expensive world cuisine, generic enough to be served at almost any
fancy restaurant.
She looked at the mysterious numbers between the
subtotals and the final amount. One was probably the waitperson's designation,
another, clearly the sales tax. The tip was also there, printed in the same dot
matrix font as the other numbers. It was not a round amount. She tried some
mental arithmetic, but soon gave up.
"Freddie, do you have a calculator around?"
He looked at her, slightly indignant, as one appeared
on screen, overlaying the menu.
"Sorry. I should have known better. Listen,
what's the relationship between the total bill and the tip? I bet it's a round
number."
Freddie qwerted, and the amounts appeared on the
calculator's readout. "Eighteen point one-eight repeating percent."
"Shit. Hardly round."
"But it's an interesting
number,"
Freddie said. He was silent for a second, then his eyes sparked. "Right!
You didn't mean the total amount, you meant the total amount before the tip.
Look." He qwerted quickly, and numbers began to stack up on the calculator's
extended readout. "When restaurants calculate the tip themselves, they
don't include the tax before they multiply. So, without the ten percent sales
tax, the tip is exactly twenty percent of the total. You were right. The tip
was charged automatically."
"So, not many restaurants charge gratuity automatically,
do they?"
"I've been to fancy ones that do," he said.
"Not for a party of two," she answered.
"Listen, try to subset the restaurants that figure the tip for you."
"There's a field for that, but it's an exception
field. I can't search it automatically. Whoever designed this interface didn't
think anyone would care that much."
But he was already working. The calculator had been
replaced by one of the menu program's utilities. A long table scrolled by, an
alphabetical list of restaurants in its rightmost column. In the other columns
of the table were various characteristics: credit card logos, the handicapped
symbol, the green V for vegans, the cellular phone symbol with bar sinister.
Freddie had highlighted one column, headed with the word "Special."
As restaurants flew by, she saw that a few had superscript numbers in the
Special column. Freddie's fingers moved like lightning. As each restaurant flew
by, his left ring finger would flicker, and the restaurant name would carry a small
black check as it filed up off the screen. He was manually marking all the
fields containing a 5. In the fine print that was constant at the bottom of the
window, she found the reference: "5: gratuities automatically
included."
"We're on our way," he said.
It was manual labor, like some particularly grueling
video game, but Freddie's speed never flagged. He punctuated his qwerting with
curses. The process went on for twenty solid minutes.
When it was done, he sighed and said, "Damn, that
was crude. Computers are supposed to do this stuff, not people. Man, I hate
this town."
Freddie compiled the list of restaurants he had
marked. There were 124 in all.
"Great," she said. "Now we can just
check them all."
"Please," said Freddie. "Let's do this
the civilized way."
He began qwerting. "I've been thinking. First of
all, June 4 was a Monday. So, which of these places are closed on Monday?"
In a few seconds, the list shrank noticeably.
She laughed, and clapped him on the back. The list was
down to a few dozen restaurants. "Great. You're a genius. Now check to see
which one of these damn places charges $17.95 for vichyssoise."
But Freddie was staring, openmouthed. He took the
receipt from her and stared at it. Then he shook his head. "We don't have
to." He called up the menu for one of the restaurants and pointed.
Vichyssoise was $17.95.
"But how did you know?"
He pointed at the restaurant's name, emblazoned large
at the top of the menu. It was called "Candy." He handed her the
receipt. Of course. Candy.
She groaned. The name wasn't just a bank access
number. Like most people, when Bonito chose the PIN numbers and other codes
that identified him, he picked words and names that meant something personal.
Candy was a PIN number and a restaurant.
Lee considered this. She had glimpsed narrowly into Bonito's
life. The information, even if it was basically insignificant, gave her
confidence. Lee was willing to bet that Candy was Bonito's favorite restaurant.
It was, in any case, a place to start.
Freddie leaned back and sighed deeply. "I may
never eat out again."
She wanted to laugh but held her hands to her mouth.
Freddie's hands hung slackly, his eyes were red-rimmed. She took his wrist and
looked at the clock on his qwerty bracelet. They had been at it for more than
an hour.
"Listen, thanks a lot. You're amazing."
He looked at her with a weary smile. Then he held his
wrist where she had touched him. It was the wrist he had worn his brace on.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask
you," he began.
"When does Candy open?" she interrupted.
He looked wearily at the monitor. "Six."
"Shit, I've got to go. Listen, I owe you a big
favor. I'll call." She backed toward the kitchen and the door.
"Don't you have a phone number?" he asked.
"No. No phone. Honest. But you're Freddie Smith,
right?"
"Right. In the book."
She paused, her hand on the door. He had not gotten
out of the chair. "Are you the only one?" she called.
"The only what?"
"The only Freddie Smith. In the book."
He considered briefly. "I don't know. I doubt
it."
"I'll try them all."
"It serves you right," he said, managing to
grin.
"Good-bye, and thanks again." She came back
into the bedroom and bent over him. They kissed deeply.
"I hope you find this guy," he said.
"But call anyway."
"I will," she said.
She took an old Japanese cab home. The ethanol-burning
engine accelerated the low, saucer-shaped car like a bolt of lightning. At her
projects, she threw the driver a twenty and didn't wait for change. Candy was
opening in thirty minutes. She wanted to get there as soon as possible. She
dropped fifty cents into the phone on the corner and made a reservation for
six-thirty.
The elevator wasn't working. She cursed as she took
the stairs, two at a time.
She felt faint by the time she reached her door.
Fumbling her card through the door's reader, she realized that she hadn't eaten
much today. At least she would be hungry for a long dinner at Candy.
************************************
The windows had been closed all day, and the closet
was stuffy with the smell of old clothes. She stripped and searched quickly
among the few suits that hung tightly packed on the wire. Most of her formal
wear was out-of-date, suitable for the funky aesthetic of a downtown club but
not for an expensive restaurant. She found one suit, less threadbare than the
rest, that might pass inspection. If she kept herself young, the antique-blue
suit would look affected rather than simply old. Spreading it out on the bed
and unrolling the sleeves, she measured its cut with her eyes. With the body just
right, the suit could seem well-tailored.
She found her whitest shirt. The suit was
double-breasted, so the stains on the shirt front wouldn't show. The closet
held a lot of ties—they were easy to steal—and she chose black silk. As always,
the shoes were the hardest choice. She wasn't quite happy with the black,
tasseled, fake-leather ones she decided on, but they were the best she could
find.
When the clothes were all laid out, she sat before
them and considered the shape that was to fill them. If Bonita was at the
restaurant, she needed to be as anonymous as possible. Her usual goal, to
create an odd and striking juxtaposition of features, would have to be
discarded. Bonita's eye was too sharp. She left the clothes on the bed when she
went before the mirror. The apartment was much too hot to perform a change in
the heavy suit. She stared at her wonderful, alien hands once more, trying to
memorize them. She sighed. Once gone, she doubted the hands would be easy to
re-create.
As she stared, she felt the chemical triggers in her
body build slowly toward change. Her stomachs churned, and her breath became
ragged and harsh. A sweat broke across her back and inside her thighs. Her eyes
closed, and her mind concentrated on the image she had designed to fill the suit.
The upset in her gut became harsh pain, expanding and then rushing into her
head and hands. It pressed relentlessly against her soft organs, pushing them
into small neutral holding shapes, out of the way while around them the
structure of bone and flesh shifted grossly. Panting, she rolled onto her back.
Her body stretched in length, the pain pulled into
taut, bright strings of fire up and down her nervous system. Her bones grew
thinner and more porous as they stretched into the larger frame, skin sliding
slowly off breasts and buttocks to cover the increased surface area. Her
breathing had almost stopped.
There were sharp jabs as her pelvis broke and rejoined,
thinning and elongating. The change was taking longer than it had two days
before. In her haste, it was more brutal. She paused to take a few breaths. Her
half-formed lungs protested and seemed full of fluid. Then she started the
hardest part of all.
The fiery pain gathered and concentrated itself in her
genitals. With a conscious effort, she pushed the sensitive walls of her vagina
outward. Nerves screamed as they hit the hot air of the room, the soft tissues
folding inside out to form a long, soft member. He shaped it slowly. To cover
it, he drew skin from where folds of flesh hung loosely around his narrowed
hips. He relaxed again. The newly arranged muscles in his lower back were sore
from the contractions that had formed the penis. He wondered if this raw,
exhausting pain were like that of giving birth. As the tiny tubes and nerve
bundles wove themselves inside the penis, he wondered briefly if he would ever
dare the wrenching, uncontrolled experience of making a child.
Usually, he changed the fragile vocal cords as little
as possible; keeping his voice low for a woman's, high for a man's. Now,
however, he lengthened and reinforced the chords, deepening his voice to
disguise it thoroughly. He sighed half-vocalized aaahs
as he
tuned the larynx to a chesty bass.
He was tired, and the balance of hormones in the new
body dizzied him. But he wasn't done yet. He relaxed more deeply.
When he had quieted his body enough, a set of
newly-made glands opened to release a rush of chemicals. The hormones spread
across his skin like oil on water. The warm, heady glow of melanin played upon
the flesh of his limbs, trunk, and face, breaking onto the surface like a light
sweat. He let the process go forward, intervening only occasionally to even the
melanin across his skin. He made sure that his palms and soles remained a dark
pink.
There was more. Woven through with a thin and flexible
cartilage, the texture of his cheeks and chin hardened and roughened. This
subtle change gave his face the scratchy feel of a five o'clock shadow. (Once,
he had increased his testosterone level until hair grew on his face naturally,
but it had been hell to get rid of.) He was also sure to callous his hands and
feet. This time he wasn't giving Bonita's sharp eyes any clues.
When it was done, his breathing slowed. He turned over
and looked into the mirror.
The body was tall and lean, the muscles standing out
sharply under taut skin. He rotated his legs, arms, and digits socket by
socket. The joints between limbs and trunk moved with a loose and agile flex,
and the muscles felt too strong for the slight frame. He had never been this
tall or this thin before.
The face was unremarkable. He had summoned it from the
blurry images of half-remembered faces on the subway, and had shaped it with
less attention than he usually employed. The nose seemed a little broad to him.
He narrowed it with a rough massage, chastening himself for this stereotypical
touch. His high forehead was emphasized by the buzzed haircut, but that was
the only feature that stood out. This would be a good face for a spy or an undercover
cop, fading into the crowd as he trailed a suspect. The only thing in the
mirror that struck him was the intent gaze on his face as he inspected the new
body.
The long fingers touched his member carefully. It was
still tender. Usually, the transition from male to female left a deep and
resounding horniness behind. The change
from a vagina to the exposed and fragile male genitalia, however, just left him
vaguely sore.
When he slowly licked his lips, luxuriating in their
fullness, he wondered if his tongue were too red. He stuck it out inhumanly far
and looked at it top and bottom, but remained unsure. A few minutes with the
anatomy disks assured him that African tongues were no darker than Asian or
European ones. He smiled at himself. As usual, he felt a little uncomfortable
with this transition. It was a glimpse into a world that went further than skin
deep.
He showered cold and dressed slowly. His metabolism was
still running high from the change, and he didn't want to overheat. The suit
fit perfectly. Perhaps it was easier to fit a body to clothing than vice
versa, or perhaps it was simply that any suit would look good on this thin
model's body. He struggled with a pair of cufflinks from the ashtray by the
door, ultimately succeeding only with help from his teeth. He spent too little
of his time as a man to negotiate male formal wear easily.
He took the stairs at an even pace, the address of
Candy firmly memorized.
On the street, he remembered how hard it could be to
get a taxi. A few went by, empty and with their duty lights on, while he stood
with arm outstretched. It was a petty humiliation that brought back memories.
He (then she) had spent a winter semester at Columbia as a woman of color. She
had clung to the form longer than any of her others, trying to pin down the
difference in her professors' and fellow students' attitudes toward her. Of
course, sometimes the difference was plain. But when it was latent, it hovered
like a smear at the edge of vision. It slid sideways when looked for,
retreated when confronted. It was deeply buried there in the well-educated environment
of medical school, but it was present. In that cold, depressing time she had
discovered the Glory Hole. Among the sexually marginalized, her difference
was, if anything, overcompensated for. She welcomed the warm acceptance she
felt in that small, hot fortress of sophistry, as inclusive and definite as the
sexual action in the pool.
He walked half a block to Houston, where cabs came by
more frequently. Eventually, one stopped. The driver was a white-haired woman
from Queens. She bitched about the election, which had already begun to snarl
traffic in Midtown. Both nominees-apparent had addressed the UN for the
anniversary of the climate treaty, and it had been a long time since either
party had held a convention far from the compressed national media market of
New York. Gridlock seemed to paralyze the city on a daily basis.
Candy was in the East Thirties. The driver shot up
First Avenue until forced westward to the brief and crowded two-way stretch of
Second Avenue that skirted the Fire Reconstruction Zone. The '02 Fires had
taken down a solid stretch of Chelsea East; mostly hospitals and the Stuyvesant
projects. A plan to replace the burned tenements with the city's primary light
rail station had raised hackles, and the reconstruction of the entire
neighborhood was mired in protests and court actions.
By the time they had cut back to First Avenue, Candy
was only a few blocks farther up. The restaurant was situated in a grand old
building that had stretched along a quarter mile of the East River. The giant,
turreted redbrick castle had been a psychological hospital until the city's
bankruptcy scare at the turn of the century. Now it was an odd melange of
residential, office, and retail space, neon and halogen lights gleaming harshly
through the scant openings in the dark old stone.
They turned up a grass-lined drive, and the driver
strained to read the copper signs mounted discretely by the roadside. She wound
her way to the north-most tower of the old structure.
"This looks like it." He paid silently. He
felt compelled to tip well, having arrived at such an auspicious address.
Past a uniformed doorperson, the holographic sign in
the lobby read, bellevue towers #2. Candy had its own elevator. He fingered his smart card
half-consciously in his pocket. This was going to be expensive.
A young white woman in strange livery trimmed with red
mylar pushed the Up button for him as he approached the elevator. The button
glowed a bright laser red in the dim lobby. The elevator arrived without a
sound, and the inside door slid open. The woman pulled open the copper-colored
outside gate of the elevator. He entered the spacious car, and she reached in
to push the largest of the few buttons on the control panel. She pushed the
gate back across the entrance, and the inside door slid closed quietly. The
elevator was floored with bright-green carpet and as dimly lit as the lobby.
Soft music played as the car ascended.
The walls were mirrored. Being imitated by his new
reflection was momentarily disconcerting. Usually he spent a few minutes in
front of the mirror at home before venturing out in a new body. He straightened
his tie and regarded his nose critically. Suddenly it looked too thin.
The door opened. A young woman, who wore the same
livery as the woman downstairs, said, "Welcome to Candy." He was
speechless for a moment, then he got the joke. The women were identical twins.
For a second, he'd felt like the elevator hadn't moved at all.
But this was Candy.
The elevator faced a long room, about ten meters wide.
One side was walled in dark, red brick. The row of giant industrial windows,
filled with reddening sky and the East River, comprised the other. Small
tables lined the walls, most of them empty except for the flicker of a single
candle. The music in the restaurant matched that in the elevator seamlessly,
not missing a beat as he stepped out.
An old white man with wild gray hair, who looked like
he could have been left over from when the place was an asylum, asked if he had
a reservation.
"Mr. Milica Raznakovic. For one."
The maître d' looked at him a little strangely, probably
thinking the name didn't fit the skin. He accepted it, though. The good thing
about the Serbian name on his smartcard was that, as unusual as it was, it
could pass for male or female, Eastern European or simply Other.
He followed the maître d’, who led him along the tables
against the wall. In the nearly empty restaurant with such extravagant
windows, this was something of a snub. He charitably assumed that his rumpled
suit was the cause. He steered the old man to a table in the back corner, by
the kitchen door. The view from the windows was splendid, but the corner was a
better position from which to observe. The long, thin room allowed an
unobstructed view of the rest of the restaurant.
From behind a menu, he surveyed the other diners.
Across the central aisle, a pair of women with empty wineglasses spoke to each
other earnestly. One wore a white dress that was plagued with huge black polka
dots. Her hat matched it. The other woman wore a coral-red jumpsuit under a
white fox wrap. He cringed. A large MOMA bag was stuffed under their table.
They were rich tourists.
Farther away, two Asian men in business suits studied
their menus silently. They were Japanese; the Shimbun
Romanji lay
neatly folded on the table. They were dressed in muted, conservative colors.
Somehow they didn't seem like Bonita's style.
A young Anglo woman sat with her back to the window,
reading by the ruddy, polluted light of sunset. A glass of champagne fizzed,
untouched, at her elbow. She was absorbed in the book, concentrating serenely.
Occasionally a smile would flicker at one side of her mouth. A cigarette
dangled, its ash precariously long, from her lips. He studied the petite,
round face for future use. Her nose was small and upturned, leading back to a
strong brow. The center of her forehead was marked by a vertical frown line.
Her bare shoulders and upper arms indicated a body that tended toward chubbiness.
Her lips were very red, as was her hair.
She was wearing a green strapless dress, formal enough
to get into Candy, at least at this early hour, but funky enough for a downtown
club. Her body was small, well-rounded, and sensuous. The calf of one crossed
leg was tattooed, but fishnet stockings hid any detail from his eyes. He
instinctively liked the woman, and found it hard to believe she was Bonita.
A waitperson appeared. Knowing that he might be here
for hours, he ordered a small glass of sherry, saying he hadn't finished with
the menu yet. He hadn't.
The only other table in use was occupied by a pair of
couples in evening wear. The men were dressed in black tie and the women in
long silk dresses, probably to catch an eight-o'clock curtain. A gunmetal
champagne bucket rested on three ornate legs by their table, and their voices
carried to his ears over the soft music.
He began to realize the hopelessness of his mission.
Any of the four might be Bonita. For that matter, so could one of the other
five patrons. He didn't know the extent of Bonita's powers; she might be able
to change her mass, her hair color, her eyes. His own limitations precluded
certain shifts, but Bonita's abilities were an unknown quantity.
There was another problem on top of all this. He
reluctantly let form the thought that had been bugging him all day: Bonita
might never come to this restaurant again.
More immediately, the place was expensive as hell. The
prix fixe dinner he was considering,
marked with a warning that extra preparation time was required, was priced at
over three hundred dollars. He would need several slow courses if he was going
to sit here for the whole night, but it would be a costly night indeed. He
leaned back and pondered.
Bonita's existence was a piece of information that
would not, no matter what Milica did, go away. From now on, he would feel his
aloneness. His innocence was irrecoverable. Until he found other polymorphs,
his solitude was as desolate as a shipwrecked alien's. As he considered this,
some resolve returned. In some ways, this new knowledge took his reality to a
higher resolution. It was as if the long, unfocused twilight of his adolescence
were breaking into clarity. The day before, the world had been peopled by a
featureless mass, beings distinguished only by their sexual roles and the
features of their bodies that he could arrogate. Now, reality had become
defined by that most distinct arrangement; it was divided into them
and us.
They had
always been there, but now we had taken form. And Bonita was
one of us.
The waitperson returned with the sherry and lingered
to complete the order. Milica smiled at her, folded his menu, and put off
dinner with an old and expensive bottle of red wine. After all, Bonita had
proved that there was money in being a polymorph.
He drank the wine slowly, waiting until the bottle was
half emptied before ordering his chosen prix fixe. Over the course of a long,
varied, and excellent meal, the restaurant swelled with a host of faces and
bodies. He kept his ears finely tuned. There were lawyers, tourists, commodity
brokers, currency traders, diplomats and emission rights dealers from the UN,
junk bond salesmen, prostitutes, software engineers, drug dealers, politicians—all
the varied flotsam of late capitalism. Through the various stages of
melancholy, elation, and profundity that are the inevitable result of eating
(and drinking) alone, he searched for a sign that one of them might be Bonita.
Through it all, the woman in the green dress remained
a strangely constant presence. First by the waning sunset, and then shifting in
her chair to catch the candlelight, she silently read her book. She looked up
occasionally for brief, annoyed instants, but otherwise seemed unaware of the
passing time. The staff made no move to ask for her order, and twice refilled
her champagne glass without asking. As the crowd swelled and subsided around
her, she was curiously self-contained and alone.
Milica's long-delayed main course, wok-scorched
albacore with pineapple salsa, had just arrived when the woman was joined by an
angular young man. He was underdressed, wearing a blue blazer and white pants.
Milica detected a slight hush in the crowd as the young man crossed the
restaurant. It was the hush of celebrity. The society women at the next table
exchanged knowing glances. The maître d’ shuffled over to pull his chair back
for him, and they shook hands after he was seated. The woman in the green dress
closed her book and offered her hand across the table. He kissed it, and they
laughed together.
Other people arrived and left, but Milica watched the
two of them. The young man was animated, garrulous, and intense. He spoke in
long torrents of words, punctuated with broad sweeps of his arm. Each time their waitperson would refill a
glass or retrieve a dish, the young man would include her in a few minutes of
his frantic conversation before letting her withdraw. He drank champagne like
water. The woman remained steady, as unflappable as when she'd been waiting for
him. She chainsmoked her long cigarettes, coolly regarding him with large eyes,
sometimes interrupting his stories with a wave of her hand and a single,
precise comment. Whatever she said seemed to keep him off balance, kept him
rolling from one torrent of words to another. The two were perfectly matched.
They were pure theater. Instinctively, and from clues in the eyes of the other
patrons, Milica understood that tonight Candy revolved around these two.
He returned his gaze to the rest of the crowd. Again
he counted bankers, lawyers, actors, the idle rich. It seemed an easy thing to
categorize these people, who gave no thought to subtlety. But no matter how he
tried, he could not see Bonita.
It was easy to survey the room unobserved. Most eyes
were on the young couple. One woman, who sat alone at a wall table by the front
door, seemed particularly interested. She was watching intently,
surreptitiously taking notes on a small palmtop. She looked like a reporter.
Milica took it as evidence that he had been right about the young couple's
celebrity.
Then he noticed a peculiar thing. The reporter's dress
was cut identically to that of the young woman. It was the same shade of green.
After a moment of considering what this might mean, he realized that the two
women shared the same haircut. Suddenly, the woman put down her palmtop. The
look in her eye had changed. Milica shifted his gaze to the couple.
The young woman had produced a tiny telephone, was
telescoping its mouthpiece. She spoke into it for a moment, then covered the
receiver and spoke to the young man. He frowned. She stood, leaned over the
table to kiss him, and then went toward the elevator. Phone in hand, she
disappeared through an archway marked with the international symbol for
bathrooms.
The other woman stood, a determined look on her face.
She walked toward their table. As she strode, her face
rippled, the brow jutting a little forward, the cheeks fattening, the nose
shrinking. Milica realized how close the two faces had been in structure,
though the resemblance had been invisible until now. He was again awed by
Bonita's ability. Milica looked quickly around. No one else seemed to have
registered the change.
She reached the table. Approaching the young man from
behind, she took his shoulders. He turned, perhaps a little surprised. She
remained standing and spoke to him quietly, their heads close. Then, suddenly,
she kissed him. The kiss was hard and intimate, her hand behind his head, her
feet planted a little apart. Milica wiped his brow and looked toward the
bathrooms. There was no sign of the real girlfriend.
Bonita lingered with the young man, toying with his
hair and shirt, whispering into his ear. She stayed just behind him, intimate
but ready to move.
Milica waited, glancing from the couple to the
archway. Bonita's confidence was maddening. Milica found himself more and more
anxious. It was like watching a thriller, wanting to scream, Watch
out, she's coming back! But he realized that the monster was Bonita.
After a few minutes, she surely disengaged herself,
patting the young man on the shoulder and striding away toward the bathroom.
Milica watched in fascination as the real girlfriend emerged, as if on cue, and
the two passed each other without apparent recognition. Bonita must have
shifted as soon as her back was turned, subtly enough to escape detection,
completely enough for the other woman to ignore her as they passed. Not for the
first time, he was amazed at the blindness of monomorphs. Of everyone in the
crowded restaurant, no one else seemed to have noticed the artfully
choreographed exchange.
On the other hand, it had been too neat. Someone must
have cued Bonita that the woman was returning. Perhaps someone had arranged
the phone call as well. He searched the crowd again. The faces were
disinterested, gay, and unalert. He wished for more powerful eyes. If Bonita
had accomplices, they were as smooth as she.
The woman, the real woman, rejoined the young man, and
immediately started to talk frantically. She had been upset by the call. The
young man seemed confused for a moment but remained quiet. From his
perspective, she hadn't been gone long enough. Milica saw questions rise in him
a few times, but as with Freddie, they never materialized. Milica smiled,
having seen it before. Life was built of small inconsistencies, and people
rarely bothered to sort them out. If they did, Milica himself would have been
found out long before.
Then he saw Bonita across the room, paying. He rose
and fumbled for his smartcard, looked for his waitperson. She was nowhere.
He walked quickly toward the elevator, a little wobbly
from the wine and long meal. A foot was asleep, and he bombarded it with
oxygen-rich blood. As he drew closer to Bonita, he became wary and slowed. He
stopped at the maître d’s podium, only a few feet from her. She glanced at him,
and his spine iced over, but her eyes passed over him without change. Milica
felt himself cloaked by an anonymity four hundred years old. He had felt this
invisibility before—at taxi queues, in medical classes, at uptown bars. He
realized that he had chosen this disguise instinctively, subconsciously sure
that Bonita was the sort of person who would look straight through a black man.
The maître d’ appeared, and Milica asked for his
check. The old man nodded and spoke into a handphone. The elevator arrived,
and the liveried twin ushered a few drunk and underdressed teenagers off.
Bonita stepped inside.
Milica waved his card at the maître d’, who shrugged
his shoulders. No check had arrived. The copper gates slid closed. Milica's
heart sank as the car slipped away.
The next elevator came up empty, and he left the
slightly baffled staff of Candy behind with a vague and hasty apology for being
in a rush.
On the street there was no Bonita, just a line of taxis
and limousines. She had melted into the night again.
He was no closer, but much poorer.
Chapter 4
SEAN
Outside Bellevue Towers, the night squatted, a wall
of. humidity and heat. The door worker offered him a taxi, but he declined. He
still had a slender line of connection to Bonita: the couple, still upstairs at
Candy. He would wait.
He told the door worker that a friend was picking him
up. The man offered a small elegant house phone. He pretended to dial and made
a "no answer" face at the door worker.
"I'll wait," he volunteered. The door worker
frowned slightly.
He was soon sweating. He tried to concentrate on
negotiating the passage of the complex and heavy meal through his system, but
he was drunk and very tired. The wine was too far metabolized to be neutralized.
The drunk was a vague and listless one, which the heat turned to a kind of
sleepy torture. He wanted to sit, but the edges of the sedate fountain beside
the Tower's entrance were toothed with loiter spikes. He looked for stray stars
in the mercury-vapor sky. In ten minutes he counted only seven.
He heard their voices behind him.
As the couple emerged from the lobby, a stretch
limousine rolled out of the darkness. The long black car moved almost silently
on tires that had the deep-cut treads of solid fullerine Pirellis. The plates
were New Jersey. Across the limo's back window, the reflective matrix of a
microwave antenna glimmered. The engine was fully gas-burning, raising a
ghostly curtain of exhaust in the bright white fountain lights.
The chauffeur got out and opened the rear door. He
wore a wire-thin headset, the bead in front of his mouth smaller than a
teardrop. He was a large man, his uniform creased with the rigid bulk of
kevlar. The flickering glow of a monitor showed within the car. There were
already people inside. The driver fixed Milica with a suspicious stare as the
couple approached.
The two had a short conversation in front of the limo
door and then embraced. Milica realized that they weren't leaving together. He
sighed with relief. The thought of pursuing the limousine and its imposing
chaffeur had scared the hell out of him.
He strolled slowly to the taxi queue and took the
second one in line. As the driver ran Milica's smartcard through the cab's
reader, the young woman took the cab just in front, as he had hoped. Milica's
driver, a man of color with a patois name and accent, handed the card back and
said, "Where to?"
"Follow the cab in front of us." He felt a
little ridiculous saying it.
"You mean it?" the driver said. "You a
reporter, right?" The woman's cab pulled away, and they followed.
"Why do you ask?"
"Come on, man! You want me to follow the girlfriend
of the King of America, and you are not a reporter? Who you think you
fooling?"
"The King of America?"
The cabbie laughed and said, "Don't you know the
King, man?"
"I didn't know we had a king. In fact, I didn't
know we had much of a government at all right now. The election seems to have
paralyzed everything."
The driver struck his head with an open palm and made
a grunt so strange that Milica considered briefly that he might be insane.
"Ah! You may not know it. He's much more important than the President.
He's the one with the big power. Enter, Accept, Confirm. The King."
Milica leaned back into his seat and waited in silence.
He hoped the driver would stop talking. Usually he enjoyed the occasional
performance that went with a cab ride, but tonight he wasn't up to following
the story.
"That's right! That's why he's come, to give us a
king. Maybe it's not so good to have a king, but it's better than nothing at
all." The man reached up and adjusted the rearview so that he caught
Milica's eye. "Take it from a Haitian."
Milica reflected drunkenly on this.
They headed downtown for a mile, never more than a few
meters from the woman's cab, then turned onto Delancey. As they followed it
eastward, Milica became afraid that the woman might be headed for Williamsburg
Bridge. The evening had been expensive enough without a cab ride to Brooklyn
or Long Island or who-the-hell knew where. But then her cab turned up Pitt
Street.
Pitt was the easternmost street but one in the Lower
East Side proper. It was separated from the river by the Gompers projects,
which had been half burned down in the Turn-of-the-Century Riots and were still
under FEMA control.
Pitt Street itself was well named. To the east, the
dark bulk of the jagged buildings loomed behind a tall razor-wire fence. The
entrance to the shattered projects was through a narrow gate framed by a metal
detector. Next to the gate was a long, one-story building stenciled with the
Federal Emergency Management Agency seal and marked with illegible glyphs of
hurried graffiti. The building sat on cinder blocks and had the shabby look of
a once-temporary structure that has become permanent. The other side of Pitt
was lined with four- and five-story residential brick buildings. Gates were
down over the ground floor storefronts. Only one streetlight on the block
worked.
The cab in front of them was slowing. Milica's driver
stopped half a block behind it. They waited, and he said, "What you think,
man?"
The interior light of the woman's cab turned on, and
he could see her red hair as she leaned forward to pay.
"This is fine," Milica said.
"So, if you are not a reporter, you maybe just like
this
girl?" the cabbie asked.
"Actually," Milica said, "I think she's
in danger."
"From you? You don't look like a dangerous man.
And the King, he look like a nice man."
"No." He named a tip, and reached forward to
authorize it. "From someone I met last night. A real mean son-of-a-bitch."
The driver whistled. "Well if I was you, I'd tell
the King. He'll kick that son-of-a-bitch's ass. He'll kick your ass, too, you
mess with his girlfriend. Newsday says they are in love."
The driver nodded his head vigorously.
"In love, huh."
"It's a Cinderella story, man. She a local punk
girl, and him a king!"
"Thanks for the advice," Milica said.
"Bye."
"Take care," said the cabbie.
The woman had gotten out and taken a few steps down a
basement doorway, disappeared. Milica's cab pulled silently away behind him.
As he walked, he discarded his tie. He wouldn't miss
it. There were advantages to having a roomful of clothes. He rolled up the
jacket's sleeves and opened his shirt, trying to look like he belonged in the
neighborhood.
The building was an old church, decorated with a crude
mural of Jesus, in whose chest an anatomically correct heart glowed bizarrely.
Behind Jesus a city-scape had been painted that matched the view uptown. The
painted city was alive with glowing headlights, windows, streetlights. Under
Jesus, a scroll bore the words, "A Thousand Points of Light." The
windows of the church were boarded over. The crucifix above the door was
decorated with bits of broken mirror and safety glass. Shiny fragments had also
been glued to the surrounding brick, as had a host of cherubic plaster faces.
From the basement doorway into which the woman had disappeared came the muffled
murmur of a crowd.
A color photocopy of a row of drummers on the door was
captioned, tonight: empire loisaida samba school. Nailed to the door above it
was a crudely painted sign:
loisaida
social club
Inside the door, two young Hispanic men checked him
out. The cover was five dollars. A pall of smoke hung from the low ceiling. A
hundred-or-so customers crowded the basement room, dancers occupying a good
part of the floor. Behind them, a line of about a dozen drummers swayed as a
short white woman shook out a compound rhythm on a beaded gourd, soloing while
the rest of the drummers caught their breath. Beside her, an old Hispanic man
listened intently, eyes shut, a metal whistle in his mouth.
Along the far side of the club a makeshift bar had
been constructed, a row of sawhorses that held HARD plastic I-beams. The
red-haired woman was there, sitting on a rickety stool, a can of beer beside
her. He made his way toward her.
The gourd player's solo waned in energy, tapering off
to a quiet but persistent shake. The old man raised one hand, and the drummers
lifted their sticks. There were tambourines, small hand drums with bright tassels,
a trio of snares, a whole family of larger drums, a concert bass that almost
hid the Asian kid it was strapped to. The old man blew three sharp blasts,
reestablishing the almost lost tempo. There was one silent fourth beat, filled
by a gasp from the crowd. Then the sound of the massed drums exploded like a
car bomb in the small club.
The concussion of sound struck Milica bodily, almost
halting his progress. Around him, onlookers flowed like water onto the dance
floor. The naked rhythm was furious, driving the dancers into a blind frenzy.
Milica stumbled as he negotiated the maelstrom.
When he reached the bar, he stripped off his jacket.
The length of the bar had been half-emptied by the music, but the red-haired
woman remained. He slipped onto the stool next to her.
She gave him a sidelong look and seemed to recognize
him.
The bartender brought an open beer and spread his
fingers to indicate five dollars. Milica paid. The beer was a Brazilian import,
the can warm in his hand. The empty case-boxes stacked behind the bar bore its
logo. Evidently, it was the only drink the social club served, and to sit down
was to order one.
It was thick as English bitter. For warm beer, it was
good. In the hot, smoky club, logy with rich and exotic food, it was the last
thing Milica needed.
The woman's legs were crossed, and from this distance
he could see her tattoo through fishnet stockings. It was a trompe l'oeil,
designed to look like the flesh of her leg was freshly torn. Inside the shadows
of the faux wound, Milica glimpsed the metallic sheen of vaguely organic
machine parts. It looked like the leg of a damaged cyborg; torn flesh and ruptured
machinery wound together indistinguishably. He had seen the style before.
She caught him staring and shifted to give him a
better look. "It's a Hunter."
"What?" he yelled above the din.
"A Hunter. A tattoo by Hunter, the tattoo artist.
Wanna take a picture?" Her accent sounded like Brooklyn.
"Uh, no. Forgot my camera."
She shook her head in disbelief. "What kind of
reporter are you?"
He frowned. "Not one."
"What?" It was her turn to yell.
"Not a reporter," he said.
"So why'd you follow me? Pervert?"
He laughed. She held his gaze. He leaned a little
closer, lowered his voice.
"I live near here." Paused. "But yeah,
I followed you."
She leaned back, satisfied. "Thought so. Saw you
at Candy."
"Yeah, I was there."
They sat uncomfortably for a few moments. She
reclined, a cigarette at a precarious angle in her mouth, and seemed to be
waiting for an explanation. He searched for one, hopelessly.
"I'm a tattoo fiend."
The odd statement piqued her curiosity. She turned to
face him better.
He talked, activating a small change, a churning of
skin along the inside of his arms. "So when I saw your leg at Candy, I got
excited. I couldn't stop myself from following you. I've got this thing about .
. . body manipulation."
Her eyebrows raised.
"Well . . . you should have just come over."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Your boyfriend was
there, and it looked like a romantic thing. I didn't want to walk up and say, 'Hey,
can I look at that hole in your leg?' "
She smirked. "I'm used to it. So's my
boyfriend." Then she frowned. "I'm surprised you haven't heard of
Hunter. He's the big name right now."
"Don't know the scene, I guess."
"I see." She took a drink. "Got any
yourself?"
There had been just enough time. Milica rolled up his
left sleeve. From the inside of his elbow to the wrist, two parallel ridges of
flesh ran, pink and raised. It was an imprecise job. The skin was strangely
wrinkled between the keloids, a more frightening sight than he had intended.
Her eyes widened.
"Wow. That's not a laser process, is it?"
"No. Actually, it's all done with wooden
tools." He rolled up the other sleeve. The pattern was the same, but the
scars were wider. "I guess you wouldn't call them tattoos.
Scarification."
"They're beautiful," she said. She didn't
seem to be bullshitting him. Her eyes were still wide. "Are they
tribal?"
"My mother was half Yoruba."
She nodded in a way that indicated the word meant
nothing to her. Milica was relieved. He'd read an article—somewhere—about
Yoruba scarification, but there hadn't been pictures.
"Did it hurt much?"
He smiled. "Like hell."
She shuddered. "I'll stick to lasers. Quick,
clean, removable."
"Expensive."
"Got a rich boyfriend." She fluttered her
eyes, unapologetic. He was starting to like her.
"So I saw. Nice limo."
"Yeah, he's into cars. Likes tattoos, too. On me,
anyway. I don't know if he'd go for any scars, though. When we met I had a
lip-ring. Didn't like that."
She stubbed out her cigarette and pulled out a
half-empty pack. She contemplated it for a moment before pulling one out. Then
she tilted the pack toward him. "Want a gasper?"
He shook his head. The slang term pegged her as
definitely Brooklyn or Queens.
"My name's Milica."
She raised an eyebrow. Pronounced, the name sounded
distinctly female. He spelled it out for her.
"That a Yoruba name?" she asked.
"That's what Mom said."
She nodded and said, "My name's Sean."
"Well, Sean," he said, raising his beer,
"here's to rich boyfriends."
They toasted and drank. Then Sean licked her lips and
said, "It has its ups and downs."
Milica sensed an opening, decided to take a risk.
"I once read that the very rich are very strange."
She looked away, and he thought he had offended her.
Then, out of the side of her mouth, she said, "In some ways, they aren't
even remotely human."
There was a pause. As it stretched out, he felt the
connection they had established slowly unravelling. Her reactions were somehow
distant. He caught an image of himself in a dirty mirror behind the bar, and
remembered how plain and unremarkable he had made his face. It had been a long
time since he had been anything but beautiful, or at least striking. He
considered how different it was to be average-looking, how it affected even the
most simple conversation. As practiced as he had become at facile repartee,
he realized that most of his ease with people was bought with the superficial
currency of appearance. It brought back memories of childhood. He had been
plain faced as a little girl.
He tried to salvage the conversation.
"You thought I was a reporter. That because of
your rich boyfriend?"
She turned to face him again. "Yeah. He gets a
lot of press. Gets followed. He's made some enemies. Has a shitload of
security."
"What's his name?" he asked.
She looked at him squarely. "Ed." There was
an edge in her voice.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to intrude."
"I just don't know if I trust you."
He held her gaze. "I don't blame you. Why should
you trust me? I mean, has it ever occurred to you that this guy might want to
spy on you? Rich boyfriends do that, you know."
"Oh sure. His security people are around me all
the time." She looked around the club. "Somewhere. Protection. But
you aren't one."
"How do you know?"
"First of all, you're a lousy spy. I mean, you
stumble in here five minutes after I do and sit next to me at the bar. And you
don't fit the corporate type, anyway."
"Why not?"
"You're African." She made the last point
with a wry, unapologetic grin, stubbing out another cigarette.
He grinned back at her. "Yoruba, to be specific."
"I'm from Brooklyn, myself." She looked
around. "I hope you're really not a reporter. I don't think Ed would like
it if some gossip columnist found me here."
"What's the matter? He doesn't like you mixing
with low life?"
"No. It's just that—" she paused, looked at him intensely for a moment, and
then shrugged. "I'm meeting someone."
He couldn't hide his surprise, and so he exaggerated
it. "A secret lover?"
She laughed. "It's not a secret from Ed. He knows
I'm an Amy-John. In fact, it turns him on. But we get enough press as it
is."
He took a drink, trying to place the slang. "I
just liked your tattoo."
She smiled and said, "Thanks."
He returned her smile, but an awful thought had
occurred to him. He waited, silent.
The samba band let the barrage of sound fade again,
instruments dropping out one by one until only a young African kid on a tight
and tinny snare remained. The others musicians listened intently.
Milica realized that in these periods of relative
quiet, an energy built slowly in the club. The solo drummer had the undivided
attention of the band, and the dancers waited anxiously for the next assault.
The old Hispanic man seemed to concentrate most during the solos, whistle at
the ready, his eyes shut in a deep, ecstatic trance. As the sound of the single
drum slowly faded, Milica found his anticipation building. In the dimming
rhythm, the dancers were less frantic, but took on an intense, feral look.
Their smaller movements became sudden and shifting, like big cats in small cages.
Then a face caught his eye. A woman strode through the
dancers, undeterred by the moving bodies. She had a steady confidence that
carried her untouched through the crowd. She was tall, beautiful, and Italian.
The lines of the face were not much changed from the night before.
And the uncanny green eyes were on Sean.
She approached Sean from behind. When she put her hand
on Sean's shoulder, Sean melted to the touch. Sean turned and kissed Bonita.
Their hands came together. Bonita leaned her head close and spoke in Sean's
ear, as she had with Milica the night before. A few words were exchanged, and
Sean leaned back and indicated Milica with a small jerk of her head. Milica's
full stomachs suddenly felt vacant and sour as Bonita turned toward him. For a
moment, her expression was murderous. She turned back to Sean, who seemed to
explain something quickly. A movement of her eye indicated his arms, where the
scars were still exposed. Bonita turned back to Milica, looked him up and down.
The familiar evil smile played on her lips.
And she offered her hand.
With a shudder inside, Milica took it. Bonita's
handshake was weak. The grip shifted slightly, one way and then the other,
feeling the surface of Milica's palm. The shake lasted only a few seconds, but
felt like a lifetime of practice had gone into it. An almost unconscious habit,
to check for calluses or other clues; to determine if the person touched was
another polymorph. A thought shook Milica: Are
there really so many of us?
He looked for a hint in Bonita's eyes that he had been
discovered. But that same vacancy was there, the unveiled disregard that looked
straight through him. Bonita simply wouldn't suspect that she might have turned
herself into a black man. And Milica's new hands were very callused.
Bonita put a hand on Milica's shoulder and leaned
forward confidentially. She drew very close, closer than was necessary to speak
above the all but inaudible samba beat. Almost at Milica's ear, her lips whispered,
"I saw you at Candy, didn't I? If you're a reporter, I'll kill you."
She leaned away, smiling.
The voice had been almost as low as a man's. It had
been a subtle transformation in the complex soundscape of the club, but
distinct. Bonita knew how to make a point.
A surge of the same helpless panic she had felt at the
Glory Hole overwhelmed Milica. Bonita was too powerful not to mean what she
said. Milica shuddered, wondering what Bonita would do if she discovered who
he really was.
Then the whistle blew its three notes, and the drums
of the Samba School exploded yet again. Sean and Bonita shared a wicked,
childish glance into each other's eyes. Sean jumped up and ran to join the
swelling mass on the dance floor. Bonita followed her, with a dark glance look
at Milica.
The two danced.
There was a strange intensity about Bonita. Her
attentive gaze never left Sean's face, hair, the energetic movements of her
compact body. Bonita would often reach out to touch her arm or grasp her hand,
as if the lack of contact in the frantic dancing was too much separation to
bear. Milica allowed himself to think for a moment that Bonita was in love with
Sean. Maybe it was simply a triangle: Sean in love with Ed, Bonita with Sean.
But as Milica watched, adjusting his vision to make up
for the darkness and smoke, he concentrated on Bonita's face. It was attentive,
but there was a cool and distant intelligence about it. Bonita collected every
motion with her eyes, attended the shape of every muscle rippling beneath
Sean's skin, caught each expression on her face. Bonita was not drinking in the
sight of Sean with the vague appreciation of a lover; she was measuring her.
There was a kind of malevolence about it, an eerie
acquisitiveness. Bonita's stare did not savor, it penetrated. Watching Bonita
watch Sean, Milica realized that she was here for one reason only.
She was perfecting her impersonation.
Bonita had dared sustain her imitation at Candy for
only a few seconds. A fleeting moment of conversation and a hasty retreat, a
practice skirmish. But before the change, Bonita had been watching there, too,
recording every detail as the couple interacted.
Milica could see it clearly on the hot dance floor,
Bonita absorbing,
motion-by-motion, the woman she danced with. Doppelganging,
he had
said in the Glory Hole.
"Doppelganging some
guy's wife."
As the drums began slowly to subside again, Bonita
tugged Sean toward the door. Sean turned and waved at Milica as they left. He
smiled back at her, feeling hollow inside. There was no following them. Bonita
was too dangerous.
And home was very close.
Milica stayed at the bar until the chill in his spine
subsided.
************************************
As he walked home, Milica looked into a few paper-only
trash cans. In one he found a slightly crumpled copy of the day's Newsday.
A telegraphic
headline about pre-convention posturing filled the front page of the tabloid.
He stood under a streetlight and leafed through it.
There was nothing about a king. The cab driver had clearly been insane.
But there were ways to track down the very rich.
At a pay phone, he punched 411. Phone numbers for
various Freddie Smiths were listed, but at the word "Chelsea" the
information voice narrowed it down to one. Milica reached for his smartcard to
record the number. The card was gone.
He searched the jacket and pants pockets as the number
repeated in his ear. The voice asked if he needed more help. His yes
was
sharp, annoyed, and the machine didn't understand. He hung up in disgust. He
emptied the trash can he had salvaged the Newsday
from,
scattering newspapers, paperbacks, junk faxes. Finally, he retraced his path
for a couple of blocks. Nothing.
Swearing, he stalked toward home. His apartment door
was coded to the smartcard, and the superintendent wouldn't recognize him. The
domino players would probably let him into the lobby, but the doors in the
projects were strong. The best he could manage would be to sleep on the roof.
He kept a duplicate card in a safe-deposit box on
Second Avenue. The upscale bank used a retina scanner, which so far had never
failed to identify him. Thinking through the process calmed him, and he
detoured toward a pay phone to report the card lost.
Then Milica stopped in midstride. The card wasn't
lost. It had been stolen.
He heard Bonita's voice. "If
you're a reporter, I'll kill you."
He imagined a slender tentacle formed from Bonita's
left hand as she leaned close to deliver the threat, reaching into his jacket
and lifting out the card. Bonita's words weren't empty. She wanted to know for
sure whether Milica was a reporter. She left nothing to chance.
With a good hacker, Bonita could have his name, his
address, his numbers within hours. Milica tried to calm himself. Probably, what
Bonita found would make her happy. She would have little interest in a welfare
recipient from the projects. But the invasion of anonymity was monstrous to
Milica.
There was, of course, another possibility. Bonita
might have recognized Milica from some clue that he wasn't aware of: his hair,
a flaw in his eye, an eccentricity of bone structure. Bonita might have developed
an organ able to identify a polymorph's characteristic pheromones, for all
Milica knew. If Bonita had lifted his card to track him down, she might be at
the projects within hours. Perhaps she was already there.
Milica sat down on the stoop of a bodega, his head
heavy in his hands. His body still complained from the meal, and he realized
how little he usually ate compared to other humans. His belly felt bloated. The
beer and wine struggled in his bloodstream. A warm night breeze carried the
scent of urine from the stains that ran down the metal storefront grates.
He realized he would never be safe in this identity
again. It was time to disappear. He considered changing but was simply too
tired.
He secured his last twenty-dollar bill and a handful
of change and threw his jacket away. With the edge of a discarded aluminum can
lid, he ripped the shirtsleeves and the cuffs of the already wrinkled pants.
The shoes fit less perfectly after he had removed the socks. He replaced the
belt with a length of extension cord he found protruding from a split garbage
bag.
When he was done, he stumbled north toward Tompkins
Square Park. The orange sky looked hours from dawn. First Avenue was empty except
for a pair of guards sitting on upended milk crates outside a brightly lit
Korean. They eyed him suspiciously as he passed the shelves of fruit on the
street.
On the south side of the park, a FEMA cruiser lurked
under the overhang of oaks. The big six-wheeled van had been parked there for a
year. Its black fullerine windows and gun ports stared blankly into the night.
Milica avoided it, slipping through a rip in the barbed wire on the park's east
side. The park reeked of dog and human shit, and there were no anarchists here.
He made his way toward the old community center. The
cinder blocks that had sealed its front door were broken down, but an old white
man with a pentamidine inhaler stared vacantly back at him from the opening.
Milica moved on.
He walked around the park for half an hour, finally
settling under the lean-to of a collapsed chain-link fence. The fence protected
the grass under it, where a riot of weeds and viny growth softened the ground.
Exhaustion drained his consciousness within a few minutes.
************************************
Morning light woke him early. He was sore from
sleeping on the hard dirt and was covered with a thin film of something worse
than sweat. As fresh morning air blew over him, not yet hot, his head cleared
quickly. There was a procession of the park's inhabitants toward the southwest
corner, where the rattle of Hare Krishna drums signaled a free breakfast.
He wasn't hungry.
He was mad, violated in some way he'd never felt
before. In stealing the smartcard, Bonita had not only compromised an identity,
she had stolen a hiding place. In his long-cultivated niche in the margins of
the city, Milica had been free from the dictates of tribe and social strata,
unencumbered by the mechanics of the state and the imperatives of the mono-morph
economy. But now Bonita had breached the private and secure realm of his
deception. Along with Milica's identity, Bonita had stolen his anonymity, the
only thing that Milica had really cherished as a signifier of who he was.
Bonita was going to pay.
He shambled onto the street, looking for a place to
change.
*************
PART 2
THE PRINCIPLE OF MOBILITY
Chapter 5
SELF
She replaced the shoes with
tied rags. The shirt hung like a tent over her. The pants had to be belted just
below her breasts.
An oily mist hung in the morning air. More HARD
plastic ash had fallen during the night. Its color was different, and it was
finer than usual. She wondered how much of it she had inhaled.
The walk to Freddie's seemed longer than it had the
day before.
Few homeless were fit young Asians, and there was a
strange visibility in the shambling gate and strong smell of an indigent. Eyes
turned away. The gaze of storefront security guards turned harder. Shoppers
tried not to stare. A German tourist took her picture. She realized that
homelessness was very public—a world defined by other people's vision.
At Freddie's door, the buzzers were fixed and the
buttons labeled with bright metal nameplates. A security camera pointed at her
from a corner of the vestibule. She leaned on Freddie's buzzer for a solid
minute before he answered. He sounded sleepy, and his voice implied that
seven-thirty was a hell of a time to drop by. At the door, he said, "Jesus
Christ," and stood back as she entered, his eyes wide.
"Mind if I use your shower?"
He recovered a little. "Please do."
The water, extravagantly heated and pressured, restored
her humanity.
Drying herself, she stared sullenly at the filthy pile
of clothes she had discarded. She stepped out of the bathroom naked. Freddie
was microwaving two mugs of his Japanese coffee drink. He looked at her body in
a kind of unself-conscious daze.
"Mind if I borrow some clothes?"
He rubbed sleep from his eyes and managed to find his
voice. "If you insist."
The microwave buzzed. He looked at it as if the sound
were new to him.
She searched his closet with coffee mug in hand. The
plastic was strangely hotter than the coffee. Freddie stood by, having
rediscovered his self-consciousness, his eyes on the brick wall outside his
bedroom window. It didn't take long for her to dress. Compared to her
collection, Freddie's clothes were all woefully alike. She chose a black shirt
with bright-red sleeves and a pair of huge-legged shorts like roller bladers
wore. They came to just above her knees. As she pulled them up, he turned
toward her. She looked into his still-sleepy eyes, and for the first time
noticed they were flawed with tiny radial keratomy scars.
There was one of Freddie's usual pauses. He seemed in
no hurry to speak. She realized she didn't know what to tell him. For once, the
silence made her nervous.
"Your buzzers got fixed," she offered. It
felt like an idiotic thing to say, but it roused him.
He smiled happily. "Yeah. Welcome to the People's
Republic of 104 Sixth Avenue."
"Rent strike?"
"There's no one to pay rent to.
No one
has legal title on this place anymore. The first tenant group disincorporated,
the managing agency went out of business, and the guaranty bank is under FDIC
warrant. So we're all—most of us, anyway—paying five hundred a month to an
escrow account. This month, we took some money out to fix the buzzers. Next
month, the doors."
"Sounds like a good deal."
"The rent's cheap enough. And it's better than
the street. Speaking of which." He made an expansive gesture with his mug.
It seemed to refer to her, to the whole situation.
"Yeah," she paused. "You must be
wondering. I'm, um, sort of underground right now." She had meant to be
flip but sounded to herself as if she was on the edge of hysteria.
He didn't react, except to take a drink of coffee.
They looked at each other.
She decided to say as much as she could.
"You know the guy I was trying to find yesterday?"
she asked.
"No. But I remember you were looking for someone."
Freddie was speaking carefully. He didn't sound completely friendly.
She went on. "Well, I found him. But he didn't
want to be found. In fact, he said he'd kill me." She looked down at her
hands.
"Who is this guy?" His reserve hadn't
lifted.
"I don't really know that much about him. His
name's Bonito. He's rich, powerful. And he knows something about me that . . .
that I can't tell you, or anyone else."
"Ah," he said. The sound was completely
noncommittal.
She already regretted her decision to tell anything of
the truth, but barreled ahead. "Last night I tracked him down. He didn't
know who I was, though. I was ... in
disguise. But he got hold of my smartcard. So now I figure he's got my numbers
and I'm afraid to go home."
He considered this. The mention of the smartcard
seemed to steady him, to put him on firmer ground.
He said, "You mean he found out . . . this thing
about you that you can't tell me about . . . from your card?"
She shook her head. "He already knew it. He just
didn't know my name, or where I live. But he's rich. By now he's probably had
someone soak my card."
Freddie nodded. "Probably." There was a
flicker in his eye, and he added, as if an afterthought, "Your scar is
gone."
"My what?" she started, her mouth dropping
open. Her hand went to her cheek. The knife wound she had opened two nights
before was gone. It had been subsumed in her change to a male body, and she'd
forgotten to replace it.
She tried to smile, as if letting him in on a joke.
"It was fake. Scar Stuff, like Gothics started wearing a couple of years
ago."
His voice was steady. "No, it wasn't. I touched
it. It was real." He reached out, and she took an involuntary step
backward. He waited, arm half outstretched, until she moved forward again.
He took her hand. Looked at it intently. Took the
other. He splayed the two sets of fingers out. Inside her, a cycle of adrenaline
and noradrenaline began, the sick feeling of panic being fought under control.
It was made worse by the realization that she was not preparing for violence or
action; there was no fighting or flight out of this situation. She was being
violated again. Her citadel of privacy, of deception, was again under attack.
She knew that the deformed hands were not the same.
Her transition, without a mirror, without enough sleep, without the X-rays and
3-D views on a nearby screen, had been faulty. She hadn't realized how
perceptive he was, how exactly he had noted the deformity.
He raised his eyes to hers. She could not hide her
panic.
"Your hands have changed." He put it simply.
As if it were some interesting but unenlightening datum amid a host of clues.
She had never seen anyone react to this discovery before, and she had no idea
what to expect. Only Bonito, with his sick and knowing smile, had ever found
her out; and Bonito was a polymorph himself. Freddie looked at her steadily,
the impossibility and the truth of what he was suggesting dawning on him
slowly and surely.
There was a long pause, in which her mind flailed for
the radical act that would save her secret. The pressure in her head built,
until the red mist of an incipient blackout gathered at the edges of her sight.
She removed her hands from his grasp and sat down heavily on the carpeted
floor.
He was instantly beside her, an arm around her
shoulders.
"What's happening to you?" he asked, his
voice soft for the first time.
"I'm—"
she choked on the word. "I'm different."
She constricted into a fetal curl, tired and disoriented
from too many changes, feeling a hundred times more naked than she had in front
of Bonito. Freddie, a monomorph, had begun to see her for what she was.
The nervous energy building inside her finally found
purchase: It triggered the chemical of a change. She submitted to it and held
out her hand to Freddie. The fire formed in her abdomen, became a pulsating
sphere. The muscles of her arm bulged as the ball of pain forced its way toward
her hand. There were a dozen unrelated, unbidden transformations, spontaneous
in the wake of the fire. Her right aureole flared, one shoulder dislocated, and
she felt the warm rush of a swath of melanin breaking into a mottled birthmark
on her forearm. When the fire reached her hand, she set it to work savagely;
breaking down the small bones before they were properly limbered, threading
the muscles strong and thick through the lengthening digits, leaving nervous tissue
screaming in the skin as she reshaped her hand against his.
When she was done, she opened her eyes, blinking away
sweat. He sat, expressionless, staring at her transformed hand on his lap. It
looked a little swollen and it ached badly, but it was basically normal. Next
to it, her other hand looked freakish.
She sat, raising herself a little tenderly on the new
hand. He was speechless.
She tried to smile. "There you have it."
"Your hands. They were fake. Like the scar."
There was no accusation in his voice; just a small distance, someone speaking
of something lost.
"You don't see, after all, do you?" she said
tiredly. "It's not just the scar and the hands." She rose to her
knees. Now that she had shown him the change, she was pleading for him to
understand. "It's the face, the eyes, the body, the bones, the cunt, the
voice, the muscles, the skin. It's all fake. Or none of it's fake,
really. It's all whatever I want it to be."
His eyes came up from the spot where her hand had
changed. They were clear, penetrating.
"And the nerves . . . the nervous tissue,"
he added. He rubbed one forearm against the other, frantically, like a junkie.
"You can change your own nervous tissue. That's what happened to my
carpal. You can change other people, too. You came in and fixed me, didn't
you?"
As she nodded, he moved forward, grasping her by the
shoulders. The right one was sore, and she cried out. He kissed her softly on
the mouth. "Thank you," he said.
He held her, and after a while the fear that had
sutured her to consciousness collapsed. Slowly, she passed out in his arms.
She awoke on the futon. He was watching her from the
floor a few feet away. She came fully awake quickly. His gaze was too intent to
doze under.
She was naked. Her hands, shoulders, nipples were uneven.
The new birthmark was still there. She rubbed her normal hand with the alien
one and sat up to lean against the coolness of the wall.
"Seen enough?" she asked. She tried to find
terror or disgust in his gaze.
"I have a hundred thousand questions." He
smiled. There was only amazement in his eyes. And something else. Affection.
"What's the first one?"
"Hungry?"
"Starving." The prosaic thought of food
filled her with relief.
While he took a shower, she dressed and turned the VTV
to cable mode, losing herself to the mind-numbing drama of the Housing Court
Channel.
************************************
They ate Japanese at a restaurant next door. It was
only two in the afternoon. Her unbalanced hands were far more embarrassing—and
annoying—than they had been when both were deformed. Her new hand was still
swollen, and chopsticks proved impossible despite her ambidexterity. She was
too mentally and physically exhausted to make any corrections yet, having
changed more often in the last few days than she usually would have in a month.
She answered Freddie's questions as well as she could.
It was hard to fight her instincts, which screamed for deception. But the slow
unraveling of the truth brought an awesome feeling of release. As they had with
Bonita two nights before, her memories unfolded pristine and urgent.
Her life's story was unrehearsed, unarticulated. The telling was new territory to be traversed,
unrefined by the habits of a familiar
narrative. She realized how strange it was to have
such a strange story, yet never to have told it.
Because Freddie was from the Midwest, he was amazed
even by the mundane: childhood in the projects, a public school education in
impoverished New York. He was as interested in these as in her slow realization
of her ability and of its uniqueness. It made telling the story easier, to mix
the prosaic fact of an absent father with her secret experimentation on skin,
bone, and sinew. Judging from his reaction, her first venture out in a fully
changed body as a teenager seemed no more strange to him than her everyday
existence in welfare housing.
Instead of Bonita's knowing smirk, Freddie's reaction
was unconcealed awe. His mind was quick to adapt, however, to see the inherent
tensions and challenges in her position. His questions were intelligent and
teased out strands of continuity in her life that, having no interlocutor, she
had never assembled before.
************************************
For five years her life as a polymorph, scattered
among clubs and communities, sundry identities and sexualities, had shown her a
host of difference. She had learned not to take sides and to accept any number
of roles. She looked on the monomorph concept of identity with contempt. It was
founded on violence and power. In a terrifying city, full of people who clung
to their roles as a bulwark against its horror, she had sought anonymity as a
moral imperative. But as she spoke to Freddie, the flow of memory broadened and
her past began to open to her. She began to rethink her isolation.
Bonita's appearance had triggered a need that had long
been latent in her. She had assumed that the community of polymorphs was the
answer to that need, the hunger for a tribe. But now the desire was changing in
her, taking on a more concrete form. She wanted to organize her memories for a
listener, to explain her life story. As she spoke, she realized that she had
been living without a past. It had been a pleasant hedonism, timeless and
anonymous, but it was Utopian in both senses of the word: a
good place and no place at all. She found herself tripping over words in her
hurry to tell Freddie everything, to explain everything. There was a fierce
need to draw together the many lives and make a life.
Across the small table from Freddie, she began to
invent herself.
"Do you ever see your mother?" he had asked
at one point. She was still trying to answer.
"I keep just one picture of myself—my original
self." She saw him register the idea that she had an original self, an infant
body. "I've stared at it for hours, trying to remember what it was like to
be that: a short, ugly, Dominican girl from Loisaida. It's one
memory I've worn out: The day my mother took the picture. She'd bought a
disposable camera off a rack outside a Korean. For no particular reason, she
went through the apartment taking pictures of everything. The furniture, the
cats, the brick wall against the kitchen window, just as fast as the whining
little rechargeable flash would let her.
"She seemed to need to secure these things, these
objects, this house. And as I followed her around, half hoping she would take a
picture of me, I saw something in the flash: that everything was frozen."
Freddie's look questioned her. "You know, when the flash pops and there's
an afterimage burned into your eyes. That was what my mother wanted—that
freezing flash—to keep everything the way it was.
"As I realized that, I felt myself turning away.
Because what I wanted was out of that apartment, out of
those projects. Shit, I was fourteen and I could change myself into anyone I
wanted. I'd have wanted out of any place. And, with a mother's instinct, she
chose that moment to take a picture of me. When we got the pictures—that was
back when you mailed them in—she made me a big present of my picture. It was
horrible. It's really a bad picture." She
laughed.
"That night I changed my body all the way for the
first time. Made myself look twenty-five, went out to a bar about two blocks
away, got shit-faced enough to be afraid I couldn't change back."
"Could you?" he asked, all amazement.
"Yeah. Back then I was like a rubber band. I
tended toward my primary shape naturally; snapping back was easy. But now I'm
pretty loose. The difficulty of any change depends on where I happen to be at
the moment.
"But anyway, to answer your question, I don't see
my mother anymore. After I moved out, I tried to, but it was such a drag
changing back into that old body. She had my address, and she came by once
looking for me. I told her to her face I didn't know who she was talking about.
I was a man at the time."
There was a rush of moments in which she couldn't
talk. Freddie was silent.
"I moved a week later," she continued, her
voice small. "Since then, there's been no one. No one who knows who I
am."
"So, I'm your only friend," Freddie said
plainly.
She took his hand, but was distracted by a thought.
"And Bonito my only enemy."
"Right, Bonito. So how the hell did he find out
your dark secret? Did he catch you in the act?"
"No." She paused. Having told Freddie about
herself, she was still reluctant to reveal that Bonito was also a polymorph.
Not that she gave a damn about Bonito's privacy. It was just that Freddie would
realize that if there were two polymorphs, there were probably many. As long
as Freddie thought of her as unique, a mutant, the larger community of polymorphs
(wherever they were) was still a secret. "All I know is that he has a lot
of money. I assume he somehow got hold of my data trail, or my welfare
identity's data trail, and figured that something was weird about me. Since
then he's seen me in two different bodies."
"I suppose that's probably it," said
Freddie, in a voice that didn't confirm belief.
"In any case, he's got my numbers by now,"
she rushed to add. "He's had my card for almost a day."
"I think I can help you with that. That is, I've
got a friend who can. If Bonito's been soaking your card, we might be able to
double back on him. Even if he hasn't left any traces, you've got his PIN
number, right?"
She groaned. "Shit! The
receipt! It's at home."
"Can't your super let us
in?"
She looked at him darkly.
He figured it out. "That's right. Your super
doesn't know you. You're the invisible woman. But you must have a copy of your
card somewhere."
"Yeah. Safe-deposit box."
"Of course! A bank with a retina scanner."
"Pretty smart, Freddie."
He looked nonplussed for a second. "Thanks. But
at a bank? What a hassle. I just leave a copy of my card with my friend
Sam."
"You trust him that much?"
"Leaving your smartcard with Sam is like giving
your phone number to NYNEX. He doesn't need it, anyway. Sam's my friend. After
we get your card and the receipt, we'll get his help."
"I'm not sure if I want to risk going home,"
she said.
"But you can disguise yourself as anyone! And
he's never seen me. Who is this Bonito guy, anyway? Why are you so afraid of
him?"
"He's
the
devil." She smiled, but to herself she sounded serious.
"Great. Thanks for telling me. Look, if I had the
devil's bank account number, I'd risk going home to get it."
"Can't we do anything with the PIN code? CANDY,
remember?"
"Not without the account number," he said
with finality. "Account numbers are rule-governed and unique, passwords
are self-chosen and therefore may be duplicated." He said it like a rule.
There was more to Freddie's hacking than playing around in the New York Public
Library system.
"If you say so. All right, we'll go." She
paused for effect. "Got a gun?"
"Just an electric."
She snorted. They paid and left.
************************************
In a strongbox high in his closet, Freddie had a knife
as well. A triangular-bladed trench knife, military issue and a lot more
battle-worthy than her Canal Street switchblade. She slipped the knife into the
enormous pockets of her shorts. It had just about enough blade to piss Bonito
off. She also took a large black vinyl duffel bag that she had seen in the
closet.
They taxied to the bank in an unair-conditioned
electric Ford whose radio cheerily announced that it was over ninety degrees
again. Freddie waited outside with the weapons. The metal detector at the
bank's door offered a gravely digital Thank you. Downstairs, she leaned over an
ancient and grimy retina scanner. Bright green flickered over her eye twice,
and another synthesized voice assented. The guard, a short and compact black
man, left her alone with the safe-deposit box in a cubicle with yellowing
seven-foot walls. She would have traded him the box's entire contents for the
pistol he wore, an old but formidable revolver with a wide, short barrel.
Inside the box was another smartcard, reassuringly
identical to her last one. The picture her mother had taken was also there.
After a painful glance, she left the picture. The dues on the box were paid up
in cash for seven years. Some part of her might as well have a home. She was
glad she hadn't charged the box to her smartcard. The safe-deposit box was the
last inviolate corner of her life.
The sun was bright outside, and she made a mental
note to collect her sunglasses at the apartment. She remembered to take the
knife back from Freddie.
They ate at a Dominican-run Mexican restaurant called
El Sombrero, taking their time, waiting for evening. She wanted to enter the
projects after kids had gotten home from school and were playing in the
hallways and stairwell. She figured that if Bonito turned into anything too
monstrous, some kid might shoot him.
They waited. She was quiet. Freddie asked her what
Bonito looked like. She described him roughly as he had appeared at Glory Hole,
knowing it was useless. She warned Freddie that Bonito might have hired someone
else.
"Just asking," he said.
Her nervousness began to rub off on Freddie, and he
began talking about his childhood. They split one margarita and then another as
the sunlight angled steeper and steeper. She fed the jukebox her last few
dollar coins, stalling and trying to find a samba piece with only drums. There
were none on the box's drive. Finally, Freddie paid and pulled her to the door.
Her project was two blocks away.
As they entered the lobby, the old men looked up from
their game of dominoes. She looked them over surreptitiously. All looked
vaguely familiar. One or two of their glances lingered over her still-freakish
hand. She wished that she had changed for this. If Bonito was waiting, she was
making it easy for him.
Freddie pushed the Up button, but she nodded toward
the stairs. He wasn't used to the climb, and outside the eleventh floor they
waited in the stairwell as he caught his breath. He went out first, calling an
all-clear after a few seconds. She controlled her adrenaline as it built and
then let it rush through her system, drawing the knife as she carded open her
door.
The bedroom was empty, untouched. She nodded Freddie
toward the closet. He swung around the door frame with his stun gun at the
ready, like a TV detective at a murder scene.
He lowered it and smiled nervously back at her.
"Damn, you've got a lot of clothes."
She pushed past him, peering into the dark corners.
No one was here. She paused to neutralize some of her adrenaline, pocketed the
knife.
He stayed in the closet, still a little awed, while
she went to work in the bedroom. First, she double-locked the door. The optical
anatomy disks didn't take up much room in the duffel bag, nor did a hard copy
of Milica Raznakovic's welfare records. At some point, she might want to
reconstruct the identity. She went through the pockets of a few discarded pants
and came up with three more dollars in change.
Standing with the third-full duffel bag, she was
struck with how little there was to gather. No diaries, no notebooks, no flopticals
backing up a desktop calendar, no friends' phone numbers, no business cards,
no saved letters, no college papers. Almost nothing. There was a list in her
head, assembled from observation, from conversations, from films about normal
people. A list of things she knew she should have collected over twenty-three
years but hadn't. Her college papers and the letters from her short attempts
at relationships were gone, trashed. Most of the rest had never existed to
begin with. Just Freddie was there.
She approached him from behind, put her hands on his
shoulders. He turned around and they kissed. In the hot mustiness of the
closet, she felt safe for a moment. Pressed against her shorts, Freddie was
growing hard. His hands massaged the tightness in her shoulders, and she
relaxed.
The clothes were her one collection, the one record of
her life. As she looked with half-lidded eyes across his shoulder at them, they
told stories from the last five years. She would bury a thousand lovers when
she left this room.
She and Freddie kissed again, and she pushed him back
against the soft mass of clothing hung on the wire. The coats, shirts, and
dresses parted for them, swallowed them. She reached behind her to a stack of
three wired-together milk cartons, tipped it over. A bed of scarves, socks,
hats, T-shirts, and underwear scattered from the cartons. She knelt, holding
his shoulders tight so that her weight brought him down.
His clothes were light, elastic-waisted, cotton—the
insubstantial garments of summer. His body surrendered them easily. He watched
her silently as she stripped herself, his gaze on the nipple that her earlier
change had disrupted. She held her breasts with the dissimilar hands, squeezed
them tightly for a second to sharpen the blood flow in them. She leaned over
to kiss him, hard and long, until their lips swelled against each other.
She straightened and then arched her spine, missing
the feeling of hair falling against her back. Freddie took a condom from his
pocket and broke its package. She breathed in the bright smell of antiviral
lubrication. The chemicals of change and sex were coursing strong enough to
admit him easily inside.
She stroked him with a small rocking motion, letting
herself gasp aloud at the pain in her knees, hard against the floor. The change
built, until her vagina was articulated enough to undulate with its own muscles.
On her toes, she lifted her knees off the floor, squatting down hard onto
Freddie's pelvis. He groaned and grabbed her wrists. Her palms were pressed
sweatily against his chest.
The compression waves inside her gradually changed to
a slow constriction around his cock. She tightened the grasp of the vaginal
muscles into a double twist, like two hands wringing a rag, and Freddie cried
out so sharply she almost released him. But his panting steadied, remaining
short and harsh. She wrung him again, in the opposite direction, and his groan
was definitely pleasure. As the new muscles organized themselves inside her to
optimize the hard and twisting constrictions, she gained purchase with her
feet. She pushed up and forward, resuming the rocking stroke along the length
of his cock. He cried out again as the coarse motion of their bodies compounded
her internal manipulations.
The sex became fast and hard, frantic in the compromised
security of her apartment. She led him quickly to orgasm, squeezing red hand marks
into the skin of his chest as he came. His cry of pleasure trailed off a little
painfully, and she stopped her motion against him. With his breath still
gasping, she tightened herself around his cock and let herself come to orgasm
in a slow, determined wave. Freddie felt the wave hit and cried out along with
her. They shuddered together through a lingering series of aftershocks.
She leaned back, propping herself up with weak wrists.
As they separated, the condom pulled off of Freddie's cock and remained half
inside her. She sat back into a split and pulled it out. Freddie smiled at her,
a little embarrassed. She leaned forward and went down on him. He protested
feebly but unmistakably, and she desisted. His cock was hot and limp, a little
worse for the wear.
"Too hard?" she asked.
"Just right," he answered in a ragged
whisper. "But I think I rolled over on my stun gun by accident."
She laughed. Next time, they wouldn't be so rushed.
They dressed and she gathered a few favorite clothes,
mostly female, filling the duffel bag. She figured she could use Freddie's
clothes if she changed back to a male. He was about her weight. She smiled at
the thought of being male; she could show Freddie a few tricks he didn't know
yet.
At the door she remembered her sunglasses.
Her final look at the apartment didn't last long. The
place was already fading into the distance. Too much had changed in the last
few days to linger at this oasis of false security.
Freddie drew his weapon as he unlocked the door.
"Wait!" he said, pausing. "The
receipt."
"Shit. That's right." She scrabbled among
the matchbooks and condoms in the ashtray by the door. The receipt was there.
As she picked it up, her heart fell.
On the side with the phone number and PIN code, more
had been written. It read, in a tiny and precise hand:
I'm closer to you than
you are to me.
Freddie was out in the hall, looking both ways. He
turned to her. "Found it?"
Speechless, she pushed the receipt toward him. His
eyes focused on it, and his expression sharpened. He snatched it from her and
thrust it into his pocket. Switching the stun gun to his left hand, he grabbed
her wrist and pulled her out. The door swung closed and locked itself behind
them. They took the stairs fast. Halfway down, a pair of murmuring voices below
them brought Freddie to a halt. He rounded the next comer slowly, stun gun
extended. She saw that it was the Chinese couple whose daughter's face she had
borrowed. At the sight of the gun, the two stopped talking and backed fearfully
into an access door. Until they disappeared, Freddie's aim never wavered. They
ran the rest of the way down.
At the curb outside the projects, a short Hispanic man
was paying off a taxi. She pushed past the man and into the cab. Freddie joined
her and shouted at the driver to roll. The driver shrugged her shoulders and
the car jolted into the light traffic.
She turned to look out the back window as Freddie gave
directions.
Bonito was there.
He was a man. Dark and smiling, dressed all in black,
he jogged after them. The cab was slowing for the turn onto Delancey, and he
was gaining.
"It's him," she said quietly. Freddie turned
to her and then whirled around to face the back. His stun gun came up.
The cab turned right onto Delancey and sped up. Bonito
fell back.
Freddie sighed with relief. "Thank God."
But Bonito was changing. His legs grew longer, ankles
now visible below the cuffs of his loose black pants. His hips seemed wider,
and he leaned down into a crouched run, bent almost ninety degrees at the
waist. He began to gain in speed, to catch up again.
His run was horrifying and graceful, like some
monstrous gazelle, long legs propelling him forward in a low-to-the-ground
lope. His femurs seemed to stick up above his hips, as if they were jointed
straight through his pelvis like the legs of a insect. His torso was parallel
to the ground now, aimed right at their cab. His head arched back to face them,
wearing a calm smile.
"Jesus Christ!" said Freddie. A spark flew
between the two prods of the stun gun as his hand clenched nervously against
the trigger.
Bonito was gaining.
The driver hadn't noticed him, but there was no point
in warning her that she was being chased by the devil. New York cabbies drove
as if they were anyway. But the driver began to slow, ready to turn, as they
came to Sixth Avenue.
"Take the West Side Highway!" Freddie yelled
like a maniac.
"Just to get up to Twenty-fourth?" the
driver asked.
"Yes!"
"It's
your
money." They sped up. Lee looked ahead. All the lights were green.
Behind them, Bonito had left the sidewalk for the
street. Lee realized that to the few cars on the street he would look like a
roller blader, bent halfway to the ground and moving smoothly and inhumanly
fast. Probably he didn't give a damn what they saw. He was only yards away.
She considered throwing a choke hold on the driver.
The woman would probably slam her foot on the brakes, and Bonito might collide
with the halting cab and injure himself. It was a shallow hope. More likely,
the cab would wreck, leaving them at Bonito's mercy.
As Bonito closed the remaining distance, she noticed
that Freddie was rolling down his window. Bonito reached out arms that were
too long and threw himself forward. He straight-armed the taxi's trunk,
somersaulting onto the roof.
Lee heard the driver's voice: "What the
fuck?" Freddie fired.
With his arm craned out the window, he had connected
the stun gun's prods to the metal of the roof. Bonito screamed above them. Then
he fell, tumbling onto the trunk of the cab, one hand grasping the seam between
trunk and chassis. Freddie fired again, prods against the trunk. Blue sparks
skittered out from the gun's tip, and Bonito lurched and slipped off backward,
disappearing for a moment. Freddie pulled the gun in, swearing. The heel of his
hand was red, and the reek of seared flesh filled the cab.
Bonito appeared on the ground in the growing distance
behind them. He rolled to a stop before another car hit him. A large Polish
methane-burner, it crushed his legs before it skidded to a halt. Traffic piled
up, but their cabbie drove on, speechless.
************************************
They pulled up in front of Freddie's building. Lee
handed the driver, who looked to be still in shock, her last twenty. Freddie
got out. He stood by the cab, inspecting something on the roof.
He leaned his head in. "Looks like we fried your
sign."
The driver looked at him without comprehension.
"Keep the change, he means," Lee said and got out.
Freddie shook his head as the cab pulled away. "I
guess New York cabs aren't spec'd to take fifty-thousand volts. Apparently,
neither was Bonito."
She looked down at the change the driver had given
her, not remembering taking it.
"Speaking of which," he continued,
"what the hell was Bonito? One of you?"
"Yes. He is. Don't count on him being dead
yet."
He took her by the shoulder sternly and caught her
eye. "You didn't mention that he was another changer. You've got to tell
me
these things."
"Sorry. I'll tell you the truth from now
on."
"Good. So he's a changer like you?"
"The word for it is ... my word for it is 'polymorph.'
And he's much better at it than me." They started for the door.
"I'd gathered that," he said.
She supposed it was obvious, but her pride was
wounded.
"So, how well do you know
this guy?" he asked.
"We've had sex." She
wanted it to shock him. It did.
"Great. This is your ex-boyfriend. I hate
this
town, I'm sleeping with the devil's ex-girlfriend. Perfect."
"He's not my boyfriend. Jesus Christ! What the
hell do you think I am?" She went on, afraid he might answer. "It's
just that I met him at the Glory Hole."
"The dyke club?"
"Yes, the dyke club. He's a woman
sometimes."
"You mean, he. . . . That's right, you can change
back and forth."
She was momentarily amazed. As smart as Freddie was,
the basic facts hadn't penetrated his mind. "Yes, I can. And I do."
They climbed the stairs in silence.
When they reached the door, he looked at her, paused,
and said, "Great."
"Sorry if it's a problem."
"I'm just a little confused," he said,
opening the door.
"So what's so confusing?"
"Why that makes you . . . more interesting."
He turned on the kitchen light and turned around to face her. He was blushing.
Amazement rose and fell again. She let the door close,
crossed to him, stood close.
"But one thing you should know about Bonito . . ."
she said in a teasing, quiet voice.
"What?"
"He's definitely a man at
heart."
"How can you tell?"
"Because men are such pricks!"
She
spat out the last word, but Freddie didn't lose his composure.
"And you?" he asked.
"I spent the first fourteen
years of my life as a female. But I refuse to define myself as such." She
looked into his eyes. "But you wouldn't understand that, would you?"
"Sure I would. I spent the first seventeen years
of my life as a virgin, and I refuse to define myself
as
such."
She laughed out loud. "That's a long time to go
without getting laid, Freddie."
"It won't happen again."
"I suppose not," she said, leaning against
him. Under his shorts, he was hard again. She encircled him with her good hand.
"Wait! Stop that. We've got to go." He
pushed her lightly away.
"Go?" she asked.
He opened the refrigerator and leaned into it.
"Go see Sam. The night hours are the best time to trace bank
accounts."
"Freddie, aren't banks closed at night?"
"Banks don't close. They just don't let you do
anything with your money after three o'clock. Because that's when they
start
playing with it." He pulled out a fresh two-liter plastic bottle of the
coffee drink. "Look, if this Bonito guy isn't dead—"
"He's not," she interrupted. She knew it
absolutely.
"Then let's get him while he's down."
Chapter 6
SAM
In the cab, Freddie swilled the coffee drink and explained
that he had met Sam on AcNet.
"He was a customer?"
"Trespasser."
"Must have been love at first sight."
He ignored her irony. "Actually, he looked like a
normal customer at first, several normal customers. He was using multiple
identities, all lifted from legitimate users' accounts. The System had no idea.
We wouldn't have caught him at all, but then I realized that some of my
conversations were bleeding into each other."
"Your conversations were bleeding?"
"Well, you know in a crowded restaurant, when a
topic comes up at one table, and it's compelling enough that it gets into the
back of everyone's mind at the other tables. So you hear this conversation pop
up first on one side of the place, then at another table right behind you, then—"
"Right, right. I get it. I've heard it happen.
But the night you animated for me, you were doing that yourself."
"Exactly," he said. "But this time I
was not doing it. Someone else was. And whoever it was
couldn't have been just one person."
"You just lost me."
"You see, as an animator I can get a top-down
view of the conversation web: I know who's talking to who. And these topics would come up
with one user, then another, then another, but there was no connection between
them that I could see. At first, I figured it was some sort of chat line
gestalt, like the System was having this sort of weird dream. I mentioned it
to my boss, who thought I was maybe nuts. So I showed it to her. Finally, we
figured that there was some hacker in the system. Someone who was more than one
person."
"What do you do in that situation?"
"I sent out for a double espresso and decided to
catch the fucker. I logged on with another identity, not ME, and set a trap for
him."
"Like what?"
"An irresistible topic of conversation," he
said. "I know "em all. Reincarnation, subliminal advertising, Kemp
assassination theories, the demons in virtual reality. Inevitably, if you bring
shit like that up to a conversant, he'll bring it up to someone else. So I got
all the spare monitors out and set up my desktop to show me every conversation
on the network. Then I dropped a few irresistible topics into a group of
conversants who were linked in a ring."
"A ring?"
"You know, person A was talking to person B, B to
C, and C to A. Except this one went up to, like J." Both of Freddie's
hands were moving, describing a jagged circular shape on the back of the
driver's car seat.
"Naturally, the topic spread like wildfire within
that ring. No surprises there. The tip-off came when one of the topics showed
up in another group, even though there was no connection between the two. Then
I backtracked to see who had introduced the topic to the second group."
"And that person ... ?" she asked.
"Was also using an
identity in the first group."
"What the fuck
for?"
"Sam is a hacker. A compulsive hacker. It wasn't
enough for him to hack into the network with someone else's ID. He was posing
as four legitimate users."
"Don't you do that
too?"
"Right, but that's my job. Anyway, I figured I'd scare him and he'd log off. So
I told him I was the sysop coming down on his head with an FCC warrant."
"What'd he do?" she
asked.
"He smirked. At least, he smirked as well as you
can in text-only mode. He knew his line was secure. Then he asked me how I'd
busted him. The System was attempting to trace him by now, so I figured I'd keep him on the line. I told
him how I'd caught him. Then he told me how he'd gotten in. That started the
most amazing conversation I've ever had." His eyes rolled up in a reverie.
"Sam has got the Knowledge. But bad. He's been on the networks since they
were new, half-made. Like when kids play in a building under construction and
leave graffiti on the beams behind the unfinished walls. The graffiti gets
covered over, and no one ever sees it again, but it's still there. Sam left a
lot of graffiti when he was young. And now that the walls and all the locks on
the doors of the networks are finished, Sam's graffiti still wait for him . . .
and tell him things he needs to know."
His voice was very soft. He stared at an invisible
presence past the grimy barrier between them and the cabby. The flicker in his
eyes had become a hot burn. She realized that Freddie had a mystical side.
"It's like he can walk through walls," he
said softly.
"Wait. What did you say
about graffiti?"
"Well, when they first
started networking computers in the 1970s, they didn't know shit about
security. Basically, everything was open to anyone with minimal equipment and
a phone. The companies setting up networks spent weeks just to train legitimate
users to do a simple task. They never figured that thirteen-year-olds could
come along and figure it out for themselves. So it was the heyday of the
hackers."
"Yeah, I've read all about that. I thought it eventually all got
shut down."
"Right. Famous and tragic arrests, especially
after the Secret Service took over cybercrime investigation. But the folks who
got busted were the aggressive ones, out to make a name for themselves in the
hacker community. They published their ripped-off information, had their
viruses leave messages on infected users' screens, went for maximum publicity.
But there was another kind of hacker."
Freddie and his dramatic pauses. "Pray
tell," she implored after a moment's silence.
"The other kind of hackers had a motto: Change
Nothing. At least, nothing that anyone can see. They navigated just as
extensively as the big names, but rather than screwing things up or leaving
noisy viruses behind, they specialized in trojan files."
"Like the horse, I assume."
"The what?"
"Never mind."
"Anyway, these files hid themselves, or disguised
themselves as harmless utilities. Some were so successful that they were ported
over to new hardware as the networks advanced, recessive genes passed on to
each new generation of machines."
"Besides hiding, what did they do?"
"Nothing. That was the point. They waited. For
years, adapting and hiding, they copied themselves into new machines as the
networks expanded. Unlike the viruses, the trojans were modest."
"And they wait for the people who made
them?"
"Exactly. And they help them."
The cab pulled up in front of a large brownstone. They
were on Central Park West.
As Freddie paid, she looked up and down the street.
Sam's next-door neighbors included a racquet club and a large, brooding edifice
surrounded by police barricades. The door of his building was heavy black iron
and his windows had the HARD plastic look of a very unpopular United Nations
mission. This was an expensive neighborhood.
"Sam's got some money."
"No kidding."
Freddie rang the buzzer. There was only one. These
weren't apartments, this was Sam's house. Sam had a lot of money.
The intercom crackled. A strangely forced and nasal
voice said, "Hello, Freddie." Freddie waved at the camera behind
them. The odd voice said, "Wait, please."
When the door opened, she saw that Sam was small and
thin. He was Japanese and looked younger than she had expected. He was wearing
a black silk robe over a pair of bright-yellow pants. Freddie said,
"Hello," with exaggerated clarity. He indicated her, keeping his
face turned toward Sam. "This is Lee." As he said the name, the
fingers on both his hands moved subtly. Sam watched the movements intently.
"Hello, Lee," he said in the same raw and
nasal voice.
She started to say Hello
but
mouthed the word silently instead. Sam nodded his head and smiled as if she
had spoken.
He was deaf.
They followed him down the wide hall. The floor was black-and-white
marble, tiled in a checkerboard pattern biased forty-five degrees to the wall.
Framed prints covered the walls. She recognized the twisted world map from
Freddie's apartment. There were many other maps, world and local, showing
terrain, demographic data, enterprise zones, political boundaries, network
nodes.
They mounted a wide, carpeted staircase, and the
exhibit continued. On the staircase walls were mounted a host of information
displays: aerial photographs, cartograms, orbital tables, line graphs, flowcharts,
architectural plans, pictographs, schematics. Along an upstairs hallway, a long
series of tiny scatterplots led them to a large room lit only by the flicker of
plasma screens.
It was a far cry from the place where Freddie worked.
The AcNet office was smoothed over in clean corporate pastels, all the
technology packaged in beige boxes. Here, the guts of the new century were on
display. Freddie, pointing, named a few objects in a soft voice as Sam made
tea. A fiber-optic hub studded with green LEDs; a miniframe stack, its optical
core exposed and flickering; the microwave lattice that covered the ceiling;
four workstations facing each other in the center of the room around a circular
table. The computers visible in the room were half-stripped to reveal their
motherboards—like models, city blocks from some exaggerated Tokyo— studded with
coprocessors, custom cards, zip chips. She recognized the virtual reality visor
at each workstation, smaller and sleeker than the ones at Hunter Library.
They sat on low-static plastic floormats. Sam poured a
hot, yellow liquid from a twisted teapot into three exquisite raku
cups.
She blew on it and tested a few scalding drops. It was strong, made from
barley. She detected a high caffeine content. That, at least, was unsurprising.
Freddie explained the situation to Sam, clearly
enunciating every word. But Sam's eyes shifted between Freddie's lips and his
hands. As Freddie spoke, his hands shimmered with a subtle play of fingers. She
realized he was qwerting. As if he were inputting to a computer, without
bracelets. Apparently, Sam had learned to read letters and words from the
hand-dance of a fast qwertist. She remembered that Freddie had said he could
qwert faster than he could talk. Sam's own hands occasionally queried Freddie
with a flicker of motion. She wondered if their qwerted conversation matched
the words Freddie was speaking for her benefit.
Freddie told Sam that she was being harassed by an
ex-boyfriend, who had soaked her card. He asked Sam to track the soak back to
its source, find Bonito, and hopefully spread a little counter-mayhem in his
personal finances. He showed the receipt with the account number and access
code to Sam, whose eyes brightened as he inspected it.
Sam turned to her and said in his forced voice,
"This will go quicker if you give me your Primary Access String. But I
will understand if you do not wish to."
The request made sense, but she was taken aback. There
were several levels of access that could be given to someone else: Limited
Withdrawal, ShortLook, Durable Audit, Power of Attorney. The access number she
had stolen from Bonito was basically a single-account ShortLook, allowing only
inspection of his balance. But from her first Home Ec class on, she'd been
taught never to give anyone her Primary Access String. Someone who
knew your PAS could do whatever they wanted with your money: buy with it,
spirit it away to their account, hire a hit man with it. They could also change
your other codes, even instate a new PAS and lock you out of your own affairs
until you got a gene scan and a very serious court order. A PAS wasn't even
stored on the chip in a smartcard, it was filed deep within the mainframes of
the SEC.
Freddie saw her hesitation and spoke softly out of the
corner of his mouth. "If you want Sam to go very deep, you should just
give it to him. Remember, it's like giving your phone number to NYNEX."
But she had already decided. Milica Raznakovic was
compromised in any case. Still, it was hard to vocalize the word. She hadn't
uttered it out loud since entering it on an old, vaguely sticky keyboard at One
Federal Plaza. They put you in a tiny, secluded cubicle when you were
initialized, the walls papered with yellowing signs warning you not to forget
the PAS, not to divulge it, not even to write it down. It was personal. She
looked away from Freddie as she spoke.
"aberration."
Sam looked puzzled—evidently it was a hard word to
lip-read—but he nodded after Freddie's fingers clarified. He looked at her,
and with all the sensitivity his tortured voice could carry, said, "Thank
you." He held out his hand for her duplicate smartcard. She gave it to him
with her mutated hand. He gave no flicker of notice to the hand's twisted
shape.
They went to the machines.
Freddie handed her a visor, treating it as gingerly as
his vinyl LPs. The gear was a tighter fit than she was used to, the visor
almost as close as the lenses on a pair of glasses. She was relieved to
discover that it was transparent. She could see the rest of the room as if
through dark sunglasses.
At a croaked word from Sam, the workstations booted.
The slender cyan grid lines of virtual reality appeared, superimposed on the
room. When she turned her head, the lines in the visor shifted so that they
stayed stationary relative to the room. While Sam and Freddie slipped on qwerty
bracelets, a dialog appeared in the air in front of her. It prompted her to
calibrate the visor, asking her to respond when two red dots, which soared
together from the extremes of her peripheral vision, were exactly aligned.
When the points collided, a simple spoken yes
sufficed.
Then the dialog prompted her to say a few words for voice analysis:
"bomb," "balm," "caught," "house,"
"about," "idea," and "water." She'd seen this set
of words before. It was supposed to prepare the transliterator for ambiguities
in regional dialect.
A new window appeared, hovering over Sam's head.
Characters scrolled onto it to form the words:
welcome to my home
She had seen Sam's hands move, qwerting the words into
the window. She realized what her own SRT was for. She experimented with:
"It seems a very fine house indeed." He saw from his eyes that her
words had been transcribed over her head. His fingers flickered.
thank you
So this was how the talkative Freddie had stayed
friends with a deaf man.
Freddie's voice spoke from the small speaker in her
ear: "Nice system, huh?" She saw the transcription appear over his
head. For a moment she wondered why the words faced her instead of Sam. Then
she realized the obvious; it was viewpoint-dependent. In Sam's visor the
transcription faced Sam.
It was strange as the three of them talked. Sam's
qwerted words scrolled by almost too fast to read. Freddie's conversation
manifested redundantly; she could listen to it or read the text over his head.
Perhaps most disconcertingly, Sam, and even Freddie (out of habit, she
supposed) listened to her with their eyes trained just over her head.
After a few minutes of chatter,
Sam said:
lets go
His hands moved, and the gridded space before them
began to shift, to reorganize itself. The conversational text windows shrank
in size and moved toward her, hovering in the lower quarter of her vision. The
space over the table cleared of the cyan grid lines. Sam swept her card through
a reader on the table.
Several wireframe cubes appeared above them, joined by
pulsating flowchart symbols. It was her financial schematic, familiar from the
two-dimensional version her own computer rendered. She felt vague embarrassment
at the hovering seals of the State of New York that confirmed each rent subsidy
and welfare waiver. But there was something reassuring about Sam's intense
eyes, the disinterested gaze of a doctor upon a naked body.
Responding to the gestures of his braceleted hands, a
cursor probed each cube in turn, tracking the history of several transactions.
It all looked straight: drink bills, the cab ride to Pitt Street, prosaic bank
charges and the hourly compounding of interest, her latest welfare payment—three
hours early. That was a first. A large window had opened directly in front of
Sam. It detailed the areas his cursor passed across; each transaction,
ratification, and parity check enumerated and diagrammed.
Sam's progress was slow, but she was strangely
fascinated with the probing of these effluvial data. She had thought herself
virtually data-invisible: no job, no phone, no court record, no bulletin board
memberships, unregistered to vote or drive. But there was a host of information
here, just from the last few days. She wondered what the financial schematic
for a wealthy and connected person like Sam would look like.
you are very clean, Milica
you make
things easy for me
Freddie frowned at her, having just realized that her
name wasn't Lee.
"Milica?" he said.
She pronounced it for him
correctly.
"But I thought it was
Lee."
"Names are bullshit,
Freddie."
"Not to me,"
he
said.
"Arbitrary signifiers."
They argued. Freddie called her a liar. It was odd to
see the insult transcribed in his text window. Sam ignored them, remaining
fascinated with the paucity of her data. He seemed to admire her purity. She
wondered if Bonito had realized who she was when he had soaked her card.
Probably no real person would have so simple a financial schematic. Monomorphs
probably needed all the clutter to establish their identity. Another way to
spot a polymorph.
look at this
Sam's detailed view expanded before them. Among a
cluster of government safeguards on her last welfare payment, a small parity
byte icon was highlighted. "That shouldn't be there," said Freddie.
I agree
"Track it!" said Freddie.
Sam's hands flickered.
The byte blossomed across the rest of the schematic,
unfolding its own windows, dialogs, hypernodes. They were rendered in another
color scheme, their fonts and layout different.
"What the fuck is this?" asked Freddie. Sam
worked furiously for a few moments. Then he sat back, frowning.
a subset of the INS mainframe
"Immigration? Bonito
works for Immigration?"
no
this is his
exit trail
Milica is an immigrant
"Shit," Lee said. "What did he find
out?"
from here, your medical records are
apparent
She swore again. Sam gestured, and in the air before
her appeared X-rays, photographs, sonograms. She realized why Bonito had been
waiting for them at her apartment. The details of Milica's damaged body would have
left no doubt in his mind. Only a polymorph could fake the injuries she had.
"Jesus," said Freddie. "You sure pulled
a job on these guys." He tried to sound convincing, for Sam's benefit, she
supposed.
They searched the INS mainframe for an exit trail, but
it was fruitless. The room was full of sprawling schematic before they gave up.
The INS was a vast system, as chaotic as the New York Public Library. Bonito
hadn't left a trail. They returned to her personal finances.
Sam worked for a while longer, then leaned back into
his chair.
that was it
one byte was the intrusion
"Can you delete it, so I can use my card
again?" she asked. "That is, without him finding me?"
he is gone
now
but he
still has card and numbers
he can come
back whenever he wants
and do
whatever he wants
I suggest you deep format
She despaired. A deep format required X-rays,
fingerprints, a retina scan, endless document work. A whole day at Federal
Plaza in her crippled Milica Raznakovic body.
Freddie said, "What about Bonito's account number?
At least we can strike back. Let's go fuck this guy." He tried to sound
enthusiastic.
Sam considered this, a little hesitant at first. Then
he flexed his fingers.
The rubric of her finances melted. It had been a
village, a few huts and dirt paths.
It was replaced by a city.
It hovered around them, a megalopolis of blue whorls
and red shafts, mottled clouds and bright suspended pixels. Thin translucent
red lines connected everything, arcing over their heads, splitting off to other
distant clusters that hovered beyond the walls of the room. Red lines shot
straight through the three of them, seeming to reduce their bodies to phantasms.
The dense crimson web pulsated in intensity.
"New York at night," said Freddie in quiet
awe.
As Sam worked, the whorls deepened in complexity,
shifted in size and orientation.
She asked for Eyemouse Help and probed the iconography.
She learned that the red shafts represented transactions, aggregates of market
activity between the various banks, S&Ls, government agencies, insurance
companies, brokerages, currency houses, on-line individuals. The blue galaxies in their various forms—spirals,
fractaloids, latticeworks, hexagonal mosaics—were large, highly regulated
institutions. The dusty point clouds were more complex consortia, like mutual funds
and university endowments. Here and there a lone bright pixel denoted a
super-rich individual whose personal computers traded in the big leagues. The
faraway clusters, seemingly several meters past the walls in the forced
perspective of the VR visor, were other markets. Freddie pointed out Tokyo,
Hong Kong, London, Hanoi, Moscow.
"This is what your money does at night,"
said Freddie. "Well, I guess not your money," he added a little
condescendingly. Her tiny account was safely locked in an inflation-rate bond,
one of the few remaining government-insured instruments.
Sam had Bonito's receipt in hand. He qwerted a few
numbers and pointed. Near the center of an elongated point cloud that hovered
near Freddie's foot, a single pixel flashed. A thin green line connected it to
a detail window before Sam.
"Shit," said Freddie. "It's a Swiss
Node. That's—"
"I know," she interrupted. "A numbered
account."
Sam had blown up the detail window. As his fingers
moved, highlights probed the window. Slivers of the red shafts emanating from
the cloud turned white: Bonito's money at work. More detail windows appeared
before Sam, and he probed each for a few moments. More connections were made.
The fragile network of white lines expanded, extending new feelers to other
clouds and other galaxies.
After ten minutes, the expansion stopped, and Sam
leaned back to regard the detail windows that overlapped in an untidy batch
before him. The white web now touched a few dozen financial entities. He
frowned and gestured toward the swarm of windows, qwerting as he did so.
look at the names
For a moment she was confused. Then she realized that
every detail window had a supertitle; a company name in bright SEC blue. They
meant nothing to her: Transfund Ltd., World Enterprises, Global Custody,
Universal Mercantile, Trade Internationale . . . none were familiar.
"I haven't heard of any of these," Freddie
echoed her thoughts.
exactly
they are
generic names front companies
each
transaction goes through dozens of them
hidden dozens of times
"Shit, you're right," said Freddie. He had
opened a copied set of the detail windows in the air before him and was
qwerting madly. She tried to follow his progress. He talked while he qwerted.
"These entities are all custody houses, not
brokerages. That is, they don't actually buy or sell, they just handle the
money. And they bundle groups of orders from different clients, which makes it
hard to trace an individual sale from public information. That's how they make
a profit: holding on to a whole wad of capital until the last minute of an
interest period, and then shooting it off all at once. Bonito's money gets
mixed up with everybody else's making the same transaction, so you can't see
where it's going." He looked at her. "With a system like Sam's, you
can usually track a transaction. Sort of like finding someone hidden behind a
tree by seeing their shadow. But Bonito seems to be unusually cautious. He
launders everything about twenty times before it gets where it's going.
Wherever the hell that is."
yes
he is as paranoid as Milica is
fastidious
In their discouraged silence, a thought occurred to
her. "Where did it come from?" she asked.
"What? His paranoia?"
"No, Freddie. His money."
"How the fuck should I know?"
"Can you trace it back to whoever gave it to
him?" she asked.
"If you don't mind replaying every transaction on
this account for the last year or so. We ought to get done in under a
decade."
He turned back to the display hovering in the air
above them. He and Sam began qwerting again, their desktops growing over with
unruly hordes of green and blue transaction windows. They seemed to have turned
their attention to a single transaction, tracing it through the maze of
custodians between Bonito and its final goal. Freddie was muttering as he
worked, oblivious to her presence. Her understanding became unfocused as she
watched, her mind losing track of the individual commands they performed. She
disabled her Eyemouse Help. There was a slow, cycling pattern to the play of
fingers and virtual light, a repetition of the same series of steps as they
followed the money from one transaction to the next. Apparently they had
embarked upon some sort of brute force search, like taking every possible route
in a maze to find the end. She was reminded of Freddie's search for Candy,
culling the huge database for matches with the few clues they'd had. But this
database was astronomically larger; opaque with all the muddy footprints of
capital.
She remembered when the Public Access to Securities
Act had been passed five years before. Bankers, brokers, and civil libertarians
had all wrung their hands over the threat to privacy. But the other side had
won; taxpayers were sick of bailing out looted thrifts and banks, investors
sick of finding out their stocks were worthless. So the new rules made it possible
for individuals to audit almost any legal transaction.
She looked at the multihued galaxy around them. It
hadn't done much good. The profusion of data made finding anything impossible.
A Times editorial had compared PASA research with taking a
micrograph of every cell in someone's head and then using the data to sketch
the person's face.
There had to be a better way. When she and Freddie
had tried to find Candy, the most obvious clue had been staring them in the
face, and they'd gotten lost in minutiae.
She decided to let Sam and Freddie continue until the
search had almost exhausted them. When they were malleable enough to take a new
tack, she would suggest another course. She drank tea, waiting.
Sam's eyes grew heavy-lidded, either from fatigue or
in a meditative trance. Freddie's muttering got harsher as his throat dried.
Her barley tea grew cold and bitter, the leaves on the
bottom of the cup a sickly mass of green. Freddie refilled his own tea with
inhuman frequency. He must have a bladder the size of a basketball, she
thought. As an hour crept by, punctuated only by the tiny snicks
of
qwerting, he developed a tick in one eye. She stood and moved behind his chair,
putting a hand on one shoulder. He did not respond.
Sam was a slower qwerter than Freddie. The windows
and dialogue boxes that littered the air before him moved more deliberately,
without the pyrotechnic flutter that Freddie's had. But his concentration was
more intense. He sometimes toggled among a small stack of windows like a
nervous card player shuffling his hand. The time he paused before each little
cluster of information was minuscule.
Absentmindedly, she grasped Sam's shoulders, felt the
muscles and bone. They were as tense as Freddie's, but the muscles were taut
all the way across the shoulders, whereas Freddie's were bunched in knots. She
rubbed them lightly. He seemed more fragile than Freddie, and she felt
intrusive touching him. The muscles relaxed a little, though his qwerting
didn't slow. After a few moments he turned his head a little and looked at her
malformed hand.
She said, "Does it disturb you?"
He must have detected her voice through the tight
contact between hands and collarbone. He wiggled a finger, bringing forward her
dialog window, her words time-stamped to show that she had just uttered them.
no
came his answer.
Im used to
defects
if I may
call it that
my deafness is also congenital
She didn't explain that the mutation was merely a
whim. She stopped rubbing but left her hands on Sam's shoulders.
"Sam, what is it exactly that you and Freddie are
trying to do?"
trying to
isolate a single transaction
not just
the PRSR filing
but the locus of the actual debit/credit
"And that gets you into his system?"
no
but it
shows us where the decisions are made
so we can monitor all his
transactions easily
"Why?"
to
determine the algorithm of his investment strategy
which we can manipulate with
disinformation and erode his account
in short: make him buy high and sell low
"But Sam, what if there is no algorithm? What if
his investments are all just a whim?"
your friend Bonito is probably
asleep of course
his
operating system is handling his affairs
for most
people, you must remember
capital is the province of machines
of algorithms
"Oh, yeah. I guess not many people handle their
finances themselves."
you are vanishingly rare in that regard
"I take that as a
compliment."
it is
She resumed her massage, occasionally interrupting
his work to ask a question. The shift from desktop manipulation to conversation
didn't seem to break his concentration. His short, haiku-like answers were
clear and direct. Apparently, his disability had trained him to make the most
of few words.
Sam's labors gradually began to make sense to her. One
window, always forward, showed the logical shape of the single transaction they
had been tracing. As another hour dragged on, it grew into a twisted mass in
the air before her, an impossible, Escher-like structure.
Bonito had wound his finances into a dense and recursive forest of loops. Wherever they
followed the maze of transaction, their path wrapped
back onto itself, juggling their calculations, the different windows failing
to add up. Sam explained that Bonito's operating system was buying and selling
short the same shares of mutual funds almost simultaneously, hiding still other
transactions in the welter of balance adjustments that the self-negating
credits and debits incurred.
After another half hour, Sam stopped qwerting. He hung
his head. Freddie went on another few minutes, then stopped. There was a moment
of silence. Then came the snick of Sam's qwerting.
this has been quite instructive
"Yeah, if you want to be the chief accountant for
the CIA," Freddie sighed.
at this point
I wouldn't be surprised
if that were Bonito's employer
"Great. The devil works for the CIA."
It was time to take charge. "Maybe we're going in
the wrong direction," she said.
"What do you mean?" Freddie asked.
"Well, we're starting from this one account,
which is just a little part of Bonito's life, and we're tracing all the minute
effects this account has in the ..." She
waved at the virtual universe around them. "But we're not looking for the
rest of his life; the stuff behind the account."
Freddie sighed. "But we can't even get his name
from a
numbered account. That's what Swiss Nodes are for. Even the bank doesn't know
his name. It's all accessed by codes."
"Not his name, Freddie, or his address or his
Social Security number. But what he is. He's got all this money. So
what's the story behind it? What's he doing with it? What does it mean?"
"It's money,” said Freddie. "It doesn't mean
anything.
It just sits around making more money."
Sam looked thoughtful.
"But the way it's invested must tell us
something!" She pointed at the twisted form before them.
"It tells us that he's a paranoid motherfucker!"
Freddie started to say something else, but an almost
invisible gesture from Sam silenced him.
what are you suggesting, Milica?
"I think maybe you should forget the status bytes
and the parity checks and all that little shit. Look at the big picture."
like?
"Like . . . how much money has he made
tonight?"
Freddie shuffled windows with an exaggerated flourish.
In a few moments he said, "He's lost money, actually. A few
thousand."
"So," she groped frantically, "do we
know why?"
"Why?" cried Freddie. "We can't even
tell what he's buying or selling. We don't know what
he's
doing, much less why."
"But, Freddie," she said, trying to soothe
him, "he's got to have a strategy. A goal."
Sam made an expansive gesture, and the air above their
workstations cleared. In place of the chaos of dialogs and schematics that
comprised the night's work, a long, thin window appeared. On its right edge a
single red dot moved shakily up and down, a tracer of its recent path scrolling
out to the left like a seismometer line.
Bonito's bottom line
"You mean, his account
balance?"
correct
"It looks kind of like a
heartbeat."
"The only one he's
got," mumbled Freddie, stretching
his arms.
She ignored him. "Does it
follow a pattern?"
Sam flexed his fingers.
what sort of pattern?
"Does it correlate to
some other account?"
Sam looked at her with tired
eyes.
Freddie groaned. "There
are millions of accounts open to PASA interrogation. Even Sam's system would
take years to check them all."
months, actually
"Sorry, Sam. Anyway, I
don't think we want to cast that wide a net. Even checking the Fortune 5000
would take an hour."
under 10 minutes
"For a fuzzy search?
Bullshit. You'd have to leave a lot of leeway for a loose correlation. It would
take at least forty-five minutes."
under 10 minutes, Freddie
"Bullshit."
bet me
"Forty bucks."
Done
************************************
Another window opened, and Sam and Freddie started to
define their correlation. They argued over the details. She lifted the visor
and rubbed her eyes. Obviously Bonito still had the upper hand. Perhaps
pursuing him was foolish. He was too powerful, too vicious. Possibly their
probing had already alerted him.
She felt the weight of the last week intensely. Finding
Bonito had changed her landscape. Now, only a few days into this new existence,
she was very tired. Her cloak of anonymity had been a precious thing, but
perhaps it wasn't lost forever. She could leave here tomorrow, find a new and
remote existence. Or maybe the best thing to do would be to fade back into the
Lower East Side and create a new persona, never sporting mutated hands again.
Sam and Freddie, laughing as they set some final
variable, concluded negotiations on their bet. Freddie stood, done for the
night. The wild goose chase was over. He flipped up his visor. "Well, I'm
going to sleep. This is going to take at least half an hour." He turned
toward Sam as he said the last words, mouthing them with exaggerated clarity.
But Sam wasn't looking at Freddie's lips or dialog
window. There was suddenly an awestruck expression on Sam's face. His eyes
were focused into the virtual middle distance. Freddie flipped his visor down.
She did the same.
There was a correlation. Under the window that showed
Bonito's balance, another had appeared. It bore the same red dot, rising and
falling identically. In the supertitle of the new window was one word:
"Americorp."
Freddie and Sam were silent.
"What's that?" she
asked.
"A correlation."
"I know. But with what? Another generic
company?"
"No," said Freddie. "It's the biggest
corporation in the world."
Chapter 7
THE KING OF AMERICA
"So why haven't I heard of it?"
"Because it's . . . everywhere. It's the
multinational.
They don't advertise; they just own everything."
"And there's a correlation? To Bonito?"
Sam qwerted.
it is a perfect match
his investment is ingeniously concealed
"Great. The devil works for Americorp," said
Freddie.
"What?"
"You know how executives get incentive pay— linked
to the performance of their company? This is some elaborately jiggered example
of that."
"He works for Americorp? Why would he conceal
it?"
"Maybe he's their hit
man," said Freddie.
The thought chilled her.
at least his wealth is explained
Freddie rolled his eyes.
"That's for sure."
"You mean he's well paid
for whatever he does," she said glumly.
"To say the least. Americorp is the essence of
profit. They own the license to the Universal Operating System. Thaf s why
they're so fucking rich. Ed King, their head guy, wrote the UOS when he was in
college."
She took her visor off and leaned back into the firm
grip of the ergonomic chair. She closed her eyes. A caffeine rush rose in a
wave over her. The bright lines of the VR domain seemed stenciled into her
brain. Ed King of Americorp.
She opened her eyes after what seemed a long time.
Freddie and Sam had not moved. "Show me a picture of Ed King."
Freddie frowned, but Sam turned to his desktop and
qwerted for a few moments. Then he looked back to her and inclined his head
toward some invisible referent.
She put the visor on. Her eyes refocused. In the space
to which Sam had gestured, a holograph floated. It was a head shot, oddly
disembodied. King was wearing a blue business shirt and tie, just visible above
the crop line. His hair was cut shorter than she remembered it. The holo was a
public relations shot, with the heroic glow of a magazine profile. Ed King
looked up, at something mystical and yet obtainable, just over her right
shoulder. The Future. He was the young man from Candy.
"I know this guy,"
she said.
"You do?"
"His girlfriend is
sleeping with Bonito."
Freddie groaned.
Suddenly, she realized it would be easy to leave this
mess behind her.
She closed her eyes, rods and cones dancing with
traces of virtual light, and relaxed herself. She began to neutralize the few
hundred milligrams of caffeine in her system and emptied her mind. She allowed
herself to forget Sean, Bonito, and Ed King. It had all been a fantasy: Milica
Raznakovic was dead, her memories fading like phantasms.
But beneath the calm sense of completion was the
tremor of a question. As her thoughts stilled, it grew in intensity and roiled
to the surface of her mind. It pushed her eyes open.
When Bonito doppelganged
a person, what did he do with the original?
She stood up, a little
unsteady now that the grid of cyan VR lines was gone from the floor.
"I need a drink,"
she said.
"Christ," said Freddie. "I need three
days' sleep."
Sam pointed to the miniframe stack. She crossed to it
and looked closer. The disks at its core were broken, dusty, ancient. She
tugged at the casing and it popped open on smooth hinges. There was gin, vodka,
sake, ice, glasses inside.
"Anyone else?"
Sam had pulled off his visor, a red line deep on his
forehead where it had rested. She realized that he was deaf again. He croaked,
"Good night." She mouthed the words back to him as he walked out of
the room.
Freddie took off his visor and sat on the floor, head
in his hands. He looked like he needed to recover from the shift to the merely
real.
A drink in hand, she pulled her visor back on. She
telescoped the SRT microphone in front of her mouth.
"Hang on a minute, Freddie. Don't pass out on me
yet." He made a muffled noise. "How do I switch this thing from PASA
filings to a library search?"
"Just ask it," he said.
"Library," she said. The desktop gave her a
dialog box.
"First key word: 'Americorp.' Second keyword: 'King.'
OK."
The citation count climbed into the thousands.
She sat back, Freddie curled at her feet, and started
to read.
************************************
In a long night of cross-references, subject searches,
and pure guesswork, she compiled the story of Ed King.
During the long stretches of inactivity—scrolling past
irrelevant data or waiting for some distant library or newspaper to organize
its files for her—she told Freddie everything that had happened in the last few
days. At first, she had occasionally kicked him to make sure he was awake. He
had an uncanny ability to stay awake with his eyes closed. Curled tightly at
her feet, and then stretched out under the table, he listened without reaction.
She described her first encounter with Bonito, his sudden shift at Candy, his
relationship with Sean. Freddie moved only to drink, eyes still closed, from a
cup of cold tea.
Hours later, Freddie took her to a room with a western
bed. He had apparently spent the night there before. He knew his way to the
room and found the light switch easily.
It was a little past dawn, the gray light of a
cloud-choked sky brightening over Central Park. Freddie opaqued the windows. He
pointed down the hall and said, "Bathroom." She stumbled as she
walked, her depth perception addled by the long night in VR. She felt like
shit.
They slept, her eyes still tracking phantom scrolling
text like some digital bedspin.
The room brightened at two in the afternoon. Freddie
had apparently set the windows to de-opaque. They were on the fourth floor.
Central Park was aglow with bright treetops. To the north, the half-completed
dome of Trump's Folly was just visible, rising out of the park like some ruin
from the future. Freddie awoke with a kind of lazy ease. Eyes aflutter in the
harsh green light, he tried to pull her back down to him. She was too nervous,
though. She had learned that King was making an appearance in public that
night.
There was work to be done.
They found Sam beginning breakfast. The kitchen was
large, low-ceilinged, and bright, overlooking a partitioned courtyard. She
looked out the window. Sam's building had the smallest section of the courtyard.
The garden behind the building next door was large and gaudy, with statues and
a bubbling fountain, but it looked ill-tended. Sam's garden was modest, a
well-kept rock bed with low shrubs.
He was cooking rice in an elegant stainless pot that
hummed a bright, tremulous pitch as the water boiled in it. In another pot,
eggs were poaching in a mixture of water and red wine vinegar. While she and
Freddie waited, they split a pear, juicy enough that they had to hold tea bowls
beneath their chins as they bit. Between mouthfuls, Freddie qwerted to Sam,
keeping a spoken commentary running for her benefit. They had agreed the night
before to fill Sam in on Ed King's affair with Sean, as well as Bonito's
apparent interest in them. Freddie left out any mention of shape-changing. Sam
had little reaction to the story.
The rice and eggs were served together in white
porcelain bowls. Sam and Freddie stirred with their chopsticks, blending the
eggs into the rice, along with soy and Louisiana Red Devil sauce. They held
their chopsticks the same way, thumb and forefinger at the middle of the
sticks. She had been told it was a working-class habit.
She told Sam about King's appearance in public that
night. She had subject-searched his name across a range of periodicals and
found it in a Park Slope society on-line. He was attending the premiere of a
Hillary Wilson opera. The article had listed a host of royalty, semi-royalty,
and celebrities who would be in attendance at. the Brooklyn Academy of Music.
She spoke slowly for the benefit of his lipreading, but he nodded her on
impatiently.
"But why approach King?" he asked.
"To warn him about Bonito."
"But Bonito may be working for him," he
said, his voice cracking a little from the strain of speech.
She was silent. There was no way to tell Sam what she
had seen in the Pitt Street nightclub. Bonito's stalking of Sean defied
description. Freddie's hands seemed to grope for words.
She decided to let Sam in on a little more of the
truth. "It's really King's girlfriend, Sean Bayes, that I'm worried about.
But I don't know how to contact her."
Sam smiled. He knew they were still keeping something
from him, but he was satisfied for the moment.
"Actually, I have four seats for Wilson's opera,
but they aren't for opening night," he said. Her surprise must have shown
on her face, because he added, "I'm a fan of Wilson's work. It's so . . . visual."
The
smile again.
"It should be fairly easy to swap your tickets,
yeah?" said Freddie, qwerting in the air as he spoke.
Sam nodded, waved dismissively, and qwerted.
"He's sure I can handle it," translated Freddie. "He'd prefer
our company to his usual, anyway."
She waited until she caught Sam's eye, then mouthed, Thank
you.
Sam left the room with a nod, and she and Freddie
cleared the dishes in silence. She realized that despite his wealth, Sam had no
servants. Perhaps his birth defect had made him value independence.
Down two flights of stairs, they returned to the
still-booted computer room. While Freddie prepared to hack the BAM ticketing
and reservation computer, she looked out the window. Sam was in the garden,
raking the white rocks into wide, sumptuous curves. He had dressed for the work in a loose white
shirt and oversized shorts. He looked very small, and the attention that he
brought to the task made him seem strangely distant. The night before, amid the
web of data that he so effortlessly plied, she had thought him well connected,
intimately attached to the worlds of finance and power. In the tiny garden
below, he looked terribly alone. Staring out the window at him, the thought of
a deaf man with opera tickets saddened her.
She looked at Freddie. His visor on, he was staring
into the middle distance of VR. He looked a little like a village idiot as his
fingers twitched codes of access. She paused to consider what they would have
looked like to a real-world observer the night before; three demented inmates in
their shared imaginary world.
She put her visor on and called up the notepad she had
pasted together: news clips, videos, text: The Story of Edward King.
He had started his career as a Paper Boy.
************************************
As a lifelong welfare recipient, she remembered the
crash. The Paper Boys (only one had been a woman) had made their fortunes in
the margins of the faltering late-nineties economy. The country was swimming
in dumb credit at the time. The Paper Boys swapped photocopied credit
application forms among themselves and amassed photo albums filled with
plastic. They canceled the cards as yearly fees came due and continually
applied for more. She'd clipped an article from a Wall Street on-line that
called the resulting composites "high-interest, unverified, instantaneous
cash-advance portfolios." What they were was play money. If you made it
big, you were rich; if you lost money, someone else was screwed.
The Paper Boys used the toy capital to make a killing
in the gray market of school vouchers, Medicaid warrants, food stamps, and New
York State tax refund script; all the varied specie of the privatized welfare
state. The Kemp Plan had created a bold new market for the young entrepreneurs
to play in.
All the social paper flying around at the time changed
in value drastically with every election, each public opinion poll, and with
Congress's midnight raids on the Social Security Trust Fund. Linked to illicit
accounts on the Social Services Exchange, with one eye on the twenty-four-hour
financial networks and the other on C-SPAN, the Boys easily outmaneuvered the
hospitals, semi-private schools, and other large institutions on the SSE. It
was an oft-quoted estimate that private involvement in the welfare markets had
cost taxpayers a billion dollars even before the crash.
As she'd read the story to Freddie the night before,
he'd interjected that he remembered all the Paper Boys being wiped out. But Ed
King and some of the other more pragmatic Boys had foreseen the inevitable.
They had shredded their cards and moved into real estate a few months before
Congress had invalidated all privately held welfare paper. When the '02
recovery finally took hold, most of these Boys had acquired large holdings in
Manhattan and Boston office buildings, some of which had been empty for a
decade. The small fortunes they had made in social paper were soon dwarfed.
But King had taken a different course. He'd had a
dream since a freshman job at the Dartmouth computer lab. In the mid-nineties,
surrounded by the chaos of incompatible platforms—a menagerie of strange beasts
with names like UNIX, Chicago, Macintosh, and Windows—he had written a few
thousand lines of code that would change the world.
The Universal Operating System was the first true
cross-platform protocol. Effortlessly, it could leap the dark chasms of incompatibility
that severed the rearms of cyberspace. With a few brilliant algorithms, the UOS
not only made every software system fully compatible with every other, but
anticipated in principle every possible system. Later, King's discovery would
be compared with Chomsky's or Saussure's. In short, he had discovered the
universal grammar of silicon. As a college student, he had grasped the
importance of his work, but he kept his discovery to himself. He didn't want to
become another Lanier.
After the crash, he returned to his dream child. With
his sudden millions, he took what had been an academic curiosity and forged of
it an empire. For a few hundred thousand dollars, a small army of lawyers
wrapped the basic concept in four gigabytes of patents. Then he hired an
engineering team to port the UOS to every platform in existence, refining and
expanding the original premise into a usable product. Then, his creation
perfected and secure, he gave it away.
It became available at 5:37 p.m. 11/1/02. For the taking on a
hundred bulletin boards, scattered by King's Paper Boy friends onto the
ubiquitous tributaries of shareware, and shipped with every cheap clone whose
manufacturer King could bribe, the UOS standard module was thrown away like
rice at a wedding. The module moved quickly, its universality allowing it to
duplicate like an implacably persistent virus. It was so successful that,
within a few hours, the National Sysop had made a panicked phone call to the
Secret Service, reporting that the backbone was under a terrorist hacker's
attack. The UOS spread faster and faster as previously incompatible computers
were joined through it. In a few days, it had realized the dream of a single,
integrated network. It eased the boundaries between old machines and new,
reconciled exotic systems with the mundane, and made old rivalries between
megacorporations moot.
It also erased a measurable percentage of the world's
wealth. Proprietary operating systems had formed the basis of some of the
world's most profitable companies. In the course of a week, what had been the
most valuable intellectual properties in the world had become worthless. The
world stock markets (their own trading computers suddenly linked by UOS)
roiled for months as the damage was assessed.
King's only intrusion to the whole messy process was
to charge an almost invisible tax: one dollar on every licensed shipment of the
UOS after 1/1/03. Every computer, car, oven, telephone—every commodity whose
basic processor used those few thousand lines of code—was licensed. The world
hardly noticed, but Ed King got very rich.
In the days before Americorp went public, the stock
exchanges in Tokyo, Moscow, and New York slumped. Investors pulled their money
out of stocks across the board, freeing up capital to buy Americorp shares.
Even with Ed King mamtaining 40 percent of the corporation, Americorp was overcapitalized
from its first hours. With its ready money and free use of the UOS, its
influence was irresistible. King's pet projects, the smartcard, Vivid TV, the
networking of India, were merely spikes against the background noise of
Americorp's dominance. Even in markets where its competitors won, they did so
using the UOS, and Americorp still profited.
As the story approached the present, the name Sean
Bayes began to appear. An installation artist from the DUMBO scene, she met
King at a Japanese embassy party. She had recently created an installation for
the Mitsubishi/Benz headquarters in Kyoto. The Japanese government was honoring
a sampling of Americans who were addressing the trade imbalance. King with his
licensing billions and Bayes with her single commission were at the extremes of
the guest list. According to hacker gossip culled from old Internet backups,
they had gone home together that first night.
The relationship was infrequently in the press. King's
extraordinary wealth enforced a certain amount of secrecy around his movements.
Sean had been a fairly obscure artist before they met, and she used King's
wealth to remain aloof from the art world. She also used it to create
ever-larger installations, strange re-creations of urban shopping areas— bodegas,
delicatessens, discount drugstores—all filled with fictitious merchandise that
Bayes created herself. The fabricated products were burlesque parodies on the
theme of commodity capitalism. The irony that they were financed by the richest
man in the world was not lost on Bayes's critics. In Art
Forum Online, Lee found that Bayes had more detractors than supporters. She also
discovered that King had recently bought an entire warehouse loft for Bayes's
next installation. For her security, or as a marketing ploy, its location was
a closely guarded secret.
Making herself a drink from the miniframe bar, Lee
leaned over Freddie's shoulder to see if he'd made progress with the BAM
tickets. He was outdoing himself. A model of the opera house filled the center
of the room. Bold red marker points hovered over several of the box seats at
the extreme ends of the first mezzanine. He was peering at the virtual
contraption from different angles, tracing lines of sight among the various
boxes.
"Jesus, Freddie," she said. "We just
want tickets. We're not going to assassinate the guy, just talk to him."
"Fine. But think about it. How are you going to
get close to him? His security is tight as shit since his mother got
kidnapped."
Freddie had done a little homework on his own.
"I just figured I'd think of something. I usually
do," she said. Freddie looked hurt. He had been pouting since her
rejection that morning. "Well, what would you suggest?"
He gave a look that read, I've
got it all worked out. "Look, Sam's season seats are usually here."
A tiny sliver in the orchestra highlighted.
"And the Americorp box is here." It was on
the same side as Sam's seats, almost directly above. "Actually, they're
great seats for an assassination. You could lob a grenade just like this."
A cursor swept in a tidy arc from Sam's seats to the box.
"Very funny."
"But not good for looking."
"So where do you suggest we sit?"
He waved a finger. A box across the theater, on the
same level as King's, flashed.
"How are you going to get us box seats?"
"They are gotten." The hacker's smugness in
his voice.
"Freddie," she said, "don't you think
the legitimate occupants will raise a stink if they show up and find out their
box seats have been given away? It is opening night."
"Relax," he said. "They're comps. Press
passes for some critics. I transferred them to Sam's usual seats and e-mailed
apologies that they had to miss opening night. I told them they were getting
bounced by some of the Kennedy-Schwarzeneggers."
"Great," she laughed. "And I thought my
last boyfriend was the devil."
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Boy, you can't please
some people."
"So," she asked, "why the direct line
of sight?"
"Well, if Bonito can doppelgang, why can't
you?"
The suggestion chilled her. "What do you
mean?"
"You want to get King's ear, right?"
"Just his ear."
He frowned. "I don't mean doppelgang King.
I mean
someone close to him."
"It's not that simple, Freddie. People aren't
just appearances. They've got mannerisms, ticks, memories, not to mention
voices."
"So I've gathered over the last twenty-two years.
What I mean is, someone he doesn't know. But someone who could get close to
him. Look." Text fields sprouted from the other boxes above stage right,
listing ticketholders by name and smartcard number. There was a bevy of
aristocracy, heads of state, and celebrities around the Americorp box.
"Pick anyone you want. The more famous, the better. Ask for a meeting
during the break. Isn't that how it's done?"
"I suppose so. But this isn't as easy as you
think."
"Sam owns some very
good
binoculars." She wished he would quit italicizing words at her. It reminded
her of Bonito.
"That's not what I mean," she said.
"Where would I change?"
"In the box."
"With Sam there?"
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he's
got it halfway figured out already."
"You told him?" The gut feeling of violation
rose quickly. Her hands flexed, and she felt close to violence.
"No," he said. "But listen. He knows
about Milica Raznakovic, right? So he knows that Milica Razna-kovic just came
out of nowhere. Any fourteen-year-old hacker could've figured that out. But
Milica has medical records that patently do not match your body. So where did
her body come from? I told him I met a woman with hands that were different.
Now you show up, but only one of your hands is different. You've managed to
make enemies with this Bonito, an Americorp hit man or whatever. Is this
normal? He keeps asking me who the hell you are, what
the hell
you are, and all I can say is I can't tell him." He leaned back, sighed,
and ran his fingers through his hair. "But I know Sam; he'll figure you
out a hell of a lot quicker than I did."
A wash of red came down over her vision, so thick that
she thought it was in the VR. She pulled the visor off, but the red mist didn't
clear. After what seemed a long time, she felt Freddie's hands on her. When she
could see, she looked up at him. Thankfully, his visor was off.
"Don't you understand?" she said. "For
so long, nobody knew." Her voice sounded strange and tinny in her ears.
She breathed deeply and regained control. "Now Bonito. And you ..." She choked.
"Make friends with Sam." He said it softly,
simply.
She went to the window and watched the little man
below arrange the rocks and tiny statuary. His motions were elegant and
precise. He seemed to be waiting.
She turned to Freddie and said, "Let's go."
************************************
In a room on the third floor, its russet carpet washed
blood-red by sunlight filtered through pink drapes, she pulled her hand back
into a normal shape, the expressions on her face sharp and unguardedly inhuman
as she did so. Sam watched with exquisitely focused attention, asked no questions,
and held the new hand for a long time afterward.
When she could stand, she left the two of them
together and returned to the bedroom to sleep a few more hours before the show.
Chapter 8
BAM
A black stretch limousine,
garishly red inside, appeared within ten minutes of Sam's call. The table
between the seats had the dull look of an LCD flat-screen. There were two
handsets and three phone lines. A microwave matrix checkered the back window.
Its ride was quiet, with the even acceleration of a fully electric.
They stopped first at Freddie's apartment. Sam was
already dressed in black tie, formal wear exaggerating the fragility of his
frame. He had changed his glasses. The lenses were thinner and they were
silver-rimmed. He wore black qwerty bracelets pushed back into his coat
sleeves. She realized that he would always carry them: to make a phone call; to
use a bank machine. More and more machines had begun to talk as she had grown
up, but she'd never considered who had been disenfranchised by the disappearance
of buttons and readouts. She saw him take a small speech transcriber from the
drawer of a door-side table as they left. Sam's left qwerty bracelet trailed a
silver modal antenna, dangling two inches out of his sleeve. He kept pushing it
back in, but its winding mechanism was apparently loose. The bracelets were
sleek, expensive-looking. She wondered if they were a formal set (for the
opera?) or just a better brand than Freddie's.
They stopped by Freddie's apartment to change. Freddie wore a double-breasted black suit. He
didn't have a tie or a real dress shirt, so he wore a black boxneck. She had
salvaged only one dress: knee-length and low-cut, silver Mylar and silk. It
wasn't exactly formal, but then again, this was Brooklyn. It would have to do.
At least it was cool. She'd need that when she changed.
They went back out to the limo. Sam was standing on
the sidewalk calibrating his binoculars. They were military field glasses—large,
camouflage-mottled, their lenses trimmed with brightly reflective lines of
optical circuitry.
"A little extreme for opera glasses, don't you
think?"
Sam sensed that she had spoken and looked at her
questioningly. Freddie started to qwert, but she stayed his hands and mouthed
the question again.
"When you can't hear," Sam said,
"vision can become a fetish."
She acknowledged with a nod.
The sun climbed back above the horizon as the limo
passed over the Brooklyn Bridge, the sky bright red behind them and pale yellow
overhead, and she tried to remember the last time she had left Manhattan. In
the limo, it didn't seem so far to go. From the bridge, they could see the Pei
skyscraper rising over the old LIRR station. Across from Freddie and her, Sam
was looking back at the soaring towers of the financial district. She turned
back and squinted into the sunset, but could distinguish only the prominences
of the World Trade Towers, the MitsubishiI Benz Building, and the Morgan
Heliodrome.
They descended into Brooklyn.
Traffic began to choke as they neared BAM. News
trucks, satellite dishes raised high on telescoping ceramic poles, loitered in
the blocks around the academy. The limo driver took them the long way around,
through wealthy brownstones ringing Fort Greene Park and past the uniformed
guards of the Brooklyn Arms Luxury Complex. The entrance way to BAM was aswarm
with paparazzi, clustered around the line of arriving limousines. A few smokers
in their opera clothes looked on. A man with a palm-size video camera ran over
when their limousine rolled to a stop. When they emerged he looked at them,
frowned, and lost interest.
Freddie picked up the tickets at a window labeled
"Media" while she and Sam stood in a long line for champagne. The
buzz that filled the huge, crowded lobby had a sharp edge. It was opening
night.
There were gallery types, their formal dress leavened
with eccentric touches: a bright-red silk cravat, a black bowler and walking
stick, the subtly shifting colors of VSGA jewelry. There were Downtowners,
threadbare in black and gray, hair shorn or polychrome. There were tight,
fawning knots around hidden celebrities, and a few lone patrons looking down
at their watches as they waited for friends to arrive.
Freddie joined them in line for a moment, but then
headed back to the media window to make sure the tickets they had displaced
were torn up. "The last thing you need is to be surprised in the middle of
a change by an enraged opera critic," he muttered as he walked away. She
laughed and mouthed the words for Sam's benefit.
The champagne came ice-cold, served in long-stemmed
plasticware stamped with a biodegradable symbol. They climbed the stairs to the
mezzanine level.
The air of anticipation in the crowd mixed with her
nervousness. She had never tried to substitute herself for another human being,
even briefly. The goal of her changes had always been anonymity, motion across
the barriers of identity. She had never been interested in personalities. Her
eye was best at focusing on the landscape—the scene—and her goal had always
been to blend in, to lose herself. Mimicking seemed like a cheapening of her
ability; merely to re-create the limited whole of a single identity.
The butterflies in her stomachs felt like the onset of
a change, and she calmed them with champagne.
Their box was above the extreme right of the stage.
There were five seats in the box, three in front and a pair behind. They were
directly over the orchestra pit, but their view of the stage was partly cut off
by the proscenium arch. She realized that the point of the box seats was not
their view of the stage, but to see and be seen. The view of the audience was
commanding. Freddie crouched behind the back pair of seats, setting up a small
tripod for the field glasses. He swore once or twice as he fumbled in the dim
light. Sam was looking at the curtained stage with a tiny opera glass. With it
still to his eye, he leaned toward her.
His whisper was harsh, but not as tortured as his full
voice. "The box where Ed King will sit is directly across the opera hall.
At the moment, there are two men sitting there." She started to look, but
he held out the little opera glass to her. "Please, use this. Subtlety is
best. Its focal direction is fugitive."
"Its what?" she asked.
"Just point it toward the stage and look
through."
The glass looked like a little telescope. It was surprisingly
heavy, made of natural wood with brass fittings around both lenses. A thin
leather strap was looped through a brass ring on one side. She looked through
it. At first the view was dark and fuzzy. Then her eye focused, closer, and she
realized she was looking at the palm of her own hand. She turned the glass end
over end and looked again.
Instead of the orchestra pit, the center of the front
mezzanine came into view. She twisted the glass slightly in her hand, and the
view shifted up to the second and third balconies. She took her eye from the
lens and looked at the instrument. There was a minute hole in either side, in
which she could see the bright sheen of reflective glass. Apparently there was
a two-sided mirror at a forty-five-degree angle between the lenses. It
redirected the line of sight out the holes in the side. She oriented it toward
the stage curtain as Sam had done, her palm out of the way. The box seats
directly across from them came into view. The small glass magnified the view
slightly. A box one level above their own was occupied by two men in black
suits. They were wary-eyed, with earpieces and a bulk that implied kevlar
vests.
"Nice little contraption," she said, looking
down at the glass. "Something you invented?"
"Hardly. It dates from the eighteenth century,
when people appreciated what opera was all about."
"Watching other people?"
"Watching them subtly. It's called a
palemoscope." He articulated the syllables of the word a little un-surely,
as if he'd never said it out loud before.
"I could have used this once or twice in my life.
Watching people is part of my . . . avocation." She spoke in normal tones,
realizing that she was more comfortable speaking to him. She no longer mouthed
the words with exaggerated clarity.
He closed his tiny hand over hers. "It's
yours."
She suppressed a start. His hand was very cold. She
looped the instrument's little leather strap around her neck.
The hall darkened slowly, the audience hushing as the
lights dimmed. Freddie joined them in the seat next to her.
The overture began, a long, slow wash of chords from
the five keyboardists in the pit. The volume was at the threshold of
audibility. An occasional stifled cough came from the audience. Then the
percussionists lifted their sticks. She braced for a torrent of sound.
But the percussion began softly: a scraped cymbal;
snares set lightly ashudder with jazz brushes; a tentative roll on the concert
bass drum, as subtle as a subway train's rumble heard from aboveground.
A few minutes passed in the miasmic wash of sound. She
looked out over the darkened audience. The vast array of faces, still and
intent, disquieted her. She put the palemoscope to her eye and brought the box
seats Sam had indicated into view. The only light in the house was from the
orchestra pit. It was still too dark to see King clearly, but the silhouettes
of his two guards had been joined by a third shape.
The curtain began to rise.
Red suns flared among the bank of spotlights arrayed
beneath the mezzanine. A quintet of saxophones growled in densely voiced,
lushly consonant chords. The curtain opened on a giant upright checkerboard,
from which two dozen or so performers hung. Their costumes were brightly
reflective; gilded with metals, mirrors, rhinestones, Mylar, whole sheets of
VSGA. They were attached to the chessboard by elaborate harnesses like
parachutists'. Most of them were moving; stepping between rungs placed on the
chessboard, bringing mountain-climbing clips down onto black plastic handholds
with loud snaps.
Six of them—four men and two women—were stationary.
They were turned toward the audience, their costumes exceptionally bright even
on that effulgent grid. They began to sing.
The percussion section settled into a simple rhythmic
figure. The saxophones followed in the repetitive arpeggios that had typified
opera for the last twenty years. The singers' voices were softly treated with
some sort of flanging effect, their ornate throat mikes plainly visible. The
keyboards remained mired in their long chords.
She strained to catch the words, but she couldn't
quite place the language of the text. Leaning to Freddie's ear, she asked,
"Is that Italian?"
"It's Esperanto. But I don't think anyone's supposed
to understand it. That's the point. The text is drawn from some UN treaty on
oil spills, or something like that."
One of the singers was replaced on his square by one
of the moving performers, who turned around and began to sing herself. A few
minutes later, a knight's move away, another singer lost her place to a moving
performer. The displaced singers turned their faces to the board and began to
move.
Lee tried to find a pattern to the performers' movements.
Halting and meandering, they shifted in fits and starts, one move often
canceling out another. If she concentrated on one climber, she could almost
begin to predict the next change of direction, but each seemed to move under a
different set of rules.
Whenever a moving performer arrived at a square with a
singing one, the stationary one was replaced, so the number of singers remained
at six, though the makeup of the chorus changed. Over the next twenty minutes
or so, she broadened her attention to the whole board, hoping the pattern would
become clearer. She noticed that the women singers were slowly gaining in
number. For a long time, the chorus had remained even at three men and three
women. Then a man was replaced by a woman, and still another. The last man left
singing was in the upper rightmost square.
A young Asian soprano (one of the original six
singers, since displaced) was making her way toward him. The music gained in
intensity as she approached. Just before she reached him, however, another
woman singing in the center was replaced by a barrel-chested tenor with a full
beard.
Over the next ten minutes, the women slowly lost their
lead.
She lifted the palemoscope and focused on the box
across from them. Shielded from the glare on the stage, her eyes adjusted to
the darkness. King's box was close to the glitter of the stage, and he was
clearer now. She recognized him from Candy.
She leaned back to Freddie. "Did you point the
field glasses at King?"
"No," he whispered. "Someone else you
might want to see. Hillary Wilson."
"The composer?"
"The woman of the hour."
She took his point. If anyone could get into King's
box tonight, Wilson could.
"And," Freddie added, "she's got the
same haircut as you."
Lee made her way to the back of their box, careful not
to kick the legs of the little tripod. She knelt there in the darkness and
carefully brought her eyes to the lenses.
Through the glasses, vision was the grainy green
monochrome she associated with war footage, some sort of low-light enhancement.
The image was framed by administrative debris in dim yellow: scattered numbers,
a battery level, a hatched line along the bottom labeled with degrees.
Hillary Wilson was seated alone in the highest box.
She was thin and Anglo, with slicked-back short hair, dressed in a dark suit
and a tight-necked white blouse. Her eyes were closed. She seemed to be in her
late fifties.
Lee felt Freddie next to her, and looked up at him.
"This isn't what I would call a good picture, you know. I don't think I
can see well enough to impersonate someone from this distance." She spoke
directly into his ear to be heard over the music.
"Wait, here's the controls." He handed her a
small remote. It had six hard icons and a trackball, contoured for a smaller
hand than hers. "Here's the zoom. This other icon brings up a resolution
palette menu. Just make selections with the ball, and . . ."
"Thanks, Freddie. The zoom will do fine."
She leaned to the lenses again and pressed the hard
icon Freddie had indicated. The image grew a little larger. She held the icon
down. In a series of little jerking steps, the image filled the screen.
The woman's face was suddenly clear and unexpectedly
beautiful. It was sharp and aquiline, her nose and cheekbones high and
aristocratic. She wore dark eyeliner. Above the exaggerated eyes, her eyebrows
were plucked bare, or possibly washed out by the image enhancement. It made her
forehead seem strangely high, like some noble alien. She was touched by
wrinkles only at her neck.
Her eyes were still closed, but she didn't seem to be
in a meditative repose. Her back was straight, her lips tight. At this extreme
magnification, Lee could see a flicker at the corner of her mouth at each
down-stroke of the concert bass. Her head was shaking a little. The music was
reaching a climax of some kind, growing more rhythmic and driven. Even the keyboards
had become insistent and staccato. Lee could hear that the men had become a
majority of the singers.
Lee sat back. Her neck was sore, and she relaxed it.
She covered her eyes to keep them adjusted to low light.
The field glasses didn't show enough. The picture of
Wilson's basic facial structure was clear, but what surface details were
missing from the electronically rendered image? There could be an uneven tan,
freckles, liver spots, characteristic wrinkles when Wilson smiled. Freddie
simply didn't grasp how rich the human face could be.
Perhaps that was the trick: to rely on the poor eyes
of monomorphs. She hoped King didn't know Wilson personally. If he did, this
plan would be a disaster. Her voice,
clothing, eye color, hair—almost anything could give her away. Even Bonito
required weeks (was it months, years?) of stalking to replace someone
fully. She would have to keep her approach to King limited to a few people,
celebrity gatekeepers who would recognize the great composer, but would not
know Wilson well.
She looked back into the glasses. Now Wilson's eyes
were open. They were unwrinkled, the flesh below them a little taut from a
surgical tuck. At least that was easy to emulate; it looked the same on everybody.
She pushed the other icon Freddie had indicated, and Wilson's face was
replaced by a palette of colors, four-by-four. The trackball moved a small
arrow among them. She found she could select colors with a little press on the
ball. Wilson's image returned after each press, rendered in the various hues.
At first, the pictures seemed the same. As her eyes adjusted, however, the
images took on subtle differences. She went through the hues on the palette
one by one. In the reddish colors, she could make out perspective in the lines
of Wilson's slicked-back hair. The nose looked even sharper than she'd thought,
upturned a little puckishly. The bluer colors flattened Wilson's features but
brought out the aged skin's texture in greater detail. The yellows were almost
the same as the grainy green default hue, but sharper, making Wilson's small
nervous movements easier to see. The last option, a bright purple, exaggerated
the imperfections of Wilson's face. She suddenly seemed a wrinkled crone:
cheeks sunken below their sharp armature, neck hideously mottled, eyes radiant
with crow's-feet.
Lee wondered if this horrible rendering was what
Wilson actually looked like. She swept the glasses across the rest of the
audience, hatches counting off degrees at the bottom of the view, the autofocus
optics whining as she panned. On the purple setting, the field glasses
transformed the crowd into an audience of leering monsters, grim corpses,
lesioned PWAs. Lee wondered what the hell the setting was for. She switched
back to the default.
After a few moments she found Wilson again. The woman
had again become beautiful, elegant, aristocratic. A picture was solidifying
in Lee's mind.
The music was still building, its climax developing—as
everything seemed to do in this opera— with maddening slowness. A quick census
of the checkerboard revealed that there was only one woman left singing, the
Asian soprano, still in the upper right-hand corner. (In a sudden stroke of
intuition, it occurred to her that the rules of movement made it harder to
displace a singer in a corner.) But two men were approaching, and the music
grew thinner and harsher as they worked toward her, weaving and stuttering like
half-autistic mountaineers.
As far as she understood the logic of the piece, she
had to work fast. She didn't want the house lights to come up while she writhed
half-formed on the floor.
The chemicals of change were impelled by her nervousness.
It was the first time she had done it in public. The proximity of Freddie and
Sam, the rapt audience a few meters below, the public scent of industrial
carpet all drove the change. Pain wrenched her face into a featureless mask
with a harsh jerk, her own ragged cry at the distant edge of her awareness.
She pulled it into the aquiline Anglo visage that had formed in her mind. The
grainy, unsubtle colors had given Wilson's image a strange poignancy, an
immediate and pointed verity: like a surveillance video, a home movie, night
battle footage. She had always invented the faces she wore. Now, the raw material
of voyeurism gave her mental image a strange new confidence.
Excitement took her body quickly into a supple state.
The face was easy. It swept over her, possessed her.
Her skull shifted into sharp, flat planes, the skin clutching hard to them. Her
eyebrows thinned, hair subsumed by greedy pores, and she stretched the skin
beneath her eyes with rivets of cartilage like a surgeon's staples. With a
tightly controlled burst of melanin she lined her eyes. The body she extrapolated
from Wilson's thin neck and arms: a brittle skeleton, its frame a little
taller than her current one,-covered less generously with skin. She kept the
muscles fit and lean, letting the breasts sag just a little.
When the hard work was done, she textured her hands
and neck with age. Then she lay still.
Sweat covered her, cool and unabsorbed by the mylar
dress. The music had passed its climax, and the six voices of the chorus were
now replaced by a vocal solo. Still gasping for air, she pulled herself up to
see.
The Asian soprano, at last cornered by the two men,
had escaped. She was flying, hoisted up with terrible slowness on invisible
monofilament. A host of white follow spots lit her with blinding ferocity, the
performers on the chessboard gone silent, their faces turned up in awe.
The aria rang with passing dissonances, her voice
bell-like over the wash of five keyboards. The score thickened with complex
harmonies, but resolved again and again to a strangely harsh unison between her
and the keyboards. She had risen so high that she was almost hidden by the top
of the proscenium arch.
Lee leaned to the binoculars again. Her eyes took long
seconds to adjust after the blinding spectacle. Hillary Wilson's eyes were
closed again, but now her head was thrown back. Pain seemed to rack her features;
her hands were at her cheeks, fingers splayed.
She was biting her lower lip, head shaking a little feebly. The fingers
flexed in time with the pulsing decrescendo of her music, pulling the lower
eyelids down to reveal irisless whites. She looked a thousand years old.
Lee turned away, from Wilson, from the spectacle on
stage. The audience below was awash with light reflected from the ascending
diva. From down in the orchestra seats, they could still see her rising into
the flyspace of the old opera house. The hundreds of upturned faces were raw in
their attentiveness, sharp with the emotion of that abstract, enormous, dramatic
moment. Lee had to turn away again, dropping her eyes to her own hands. Their
form was unmutated, but they seemed very old.
She heard a brief gasp, a sharp whisper over the
music, almost in her ear, and looked up to meet Freddie's eyes.
And saw her change reflected in them.
The shock on his face was unhidden, undiluted. He had
never seen her with another body. At last, he was faced with the profundity of
her talent. She looked for horror or sudden distrust in his eyes, but they
gleamed only with unguarded excitement. She saw Freddie take conscious control
of himself, slowing his breath.
Sam was also looking. His gaze was more critical,
taking the measure of her. When their eyes met he nodded in appreciation.
"Very precise," he mouthed soundlessly. An opera fan, he had probably
seen Wilson's picture before.
The music was dying in a hush of synthesized white
noise, like some distant beach beaten by waves. The loud rush of the audience's
applause came before the sound had completely subsided. It was dark for half a
minute before the house lights rose for intermission.
Freddie offered her his hand.
Her legs were unsteady, but the muscles had formed
well balanced, and she felt a sinewy strength in her arms. She was probably
sturdier than her twin across the house. She smoothed her dress and took Freddie's
coat when he offered it. It fit better than she expected, and the padded
shoulders lent her authority. She realized that silver Mylar was probably out
of character for Wilson.
She paused at the door.
"Freddie, what happens if we run into the real
Wilson?"
"She's a recluse. Doesn't give interviews. She
won't be wandering around. But stay away from reporters. They'll give their
left nut for video of you tonight." Freddie was nervous.
She hesitated. "Maybe we should have picked
someone less famous."
He started to say something but lost his voice.
"It's really weird to talk to you. You're so . . ."
"Different," she completed, and opened the
box door.
Freddie followed her out of the box. As they walked,
he hung a step back, as a personal assistant would. She took the lead, assuming
an air of confidence. They followed the curve of the hallway toward the other
side of the opera house.
Halfway there, they reached a crush of audience
members exiting the mezzanine. There were soft mutters of recognition around
them. A few people caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back. She calmed a
rush of adrenaline, an unfamiliar exhilaration as the crowd parted before
them. Fame.
Suddenly a man was in their way, his face aright. He
grasped Lee's hands in his.
"Hillary." A German accent. A seductive
smile.
Lee turned her fear into a smile and leaned forward
into his offered hug. His hair was slicked back with something that smelled
like lemon.
"It's wonderful, Hillary," he said, his eyes
sweeping down her.
She looked down at the Mylar dress, afraid to speak.
She had made no changes to her voice.
"Not the dress, Hillary, the opera!" He
laughed, joined by a few other people arrayed a step behind him. Like him, they
were dressed in well-pressed black: suits, boxnecks, evening dresses. One of
the women looked like a man in drag. Lee forced herself to laugh along with
them. Freddie put his hand on her arm and started to say something.
"There's just a few people I would like you to
meet," the German interrupted. He stepped a little to the side, his arm
extending like a game-show host's.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice coming out
crisp and tight, "but I don't know who the fuck you are."
His smile stayed on his face, but something behind his
eyes crumpled like a house of cards. He made a little rubbing gesture with the
fingers of his extended hand, as if he was trying to remember a name, a phone
number, a simple word that was somehow eluding his grasp. He started to speak
again.
Freddie's grasp tightened as he said, "Ms. Wilson
has an appointment." He pulled her free of the little knot of embarrassed
faces. She smiled as they moved out of her way. One of the women smiled back, a
twinkle in her eye as if she'd won a bet.
Lee felt a rush of strange pleasure. It was the delight
of illicit power. She'd had a girlfriend once who could get bogus smartcards,
and the feeling reminded her of the thrill of charging a purchase on one. But
this was much more visceral. She guessed it was something Bonito would
understand.
They moved quickly through the rest of the crowd. She
glanced back at Freddie. He was ashen. His hand still grasped her arm, as if
for support.
They reached a series of doors set flush into the
curved hallway, deep mahogany like the one that led to their box. A pair of
suits flanked one.
Freddie cleared his throat. Their expressions didn't
change. He started to speak, but instead his grasp tightened.
"I am Hillary Wilson," Lee said. "And I
would like to meet Mr. King."
One suit looked at the other, his eyebrow raised. The
shorter one's face bore a look of recognition. He made a little half bow.
"Wait just a moment, please," he said. He had a corporate accent as
smooth as a CitiBank machine's.
He put a finger in one ear and muttered something
almost silently. He had a bead in the other ear. He listened intently, nodding,
smiling politely when he caught her eye. Confirmation flickered in his face.
As they were ushered inside, the other suit waved his
hand just behind her, at the periphery of vision. Something in the hand chirped
a little, probably at the brass fittings on the palemoscope around her neck.
Two more suits inside stood shoulder to shoulder,
shielding King from her view. They smiled politely and waited for a signal from
the guard with the metal detector. Then they parted. Behind them was King.
He looked older than he had at Candy. In the yellow
incandescent houselights, his boyish features were showing their age. But his
enthusiasm was undimmed.
"Thank God you've come," were the first
words out of his mouth.
It wasn't the greeting she'd expected.
"There's a discrepancy, you know." He
pointed meaningfully at the paper notebook on his lap. It was covered in a
welter of scrawls, looping curves in several colors. "But I mean, that
could be the point, right?"
He seemed desperately to need an answer. The silence
grew, second by second.
She held her hand out for the notebook. Maybe
somewhere on it was a legible word, a drawing, any clue at all. He handed it
over eagerly, saying, "I mean, I thought I'd cracked it in the first
movement, but then you threw in those diagonal exceptions. Quite logical,
really. I should have seen them coming . . ." He was waiting for a look of
understanding from her.
Beneath several layers of swirls and loops of ink, she
saw a grid, eight-by-eight, a diagram of the opera set. Over the grid, the
movements of the singers had been traced, elaborated, extrapolated. She
gathered that each color was one singer, though there seemed to be too many
colors. She pretended to study it carefully, nodding her head and biting her
lower lip as she'd seen Wilson do.
King waited expectantly. He was chewing a thin plastic
pen whose end was ringed with a color dial. It was a cheap item, popular with
kids a couple of years before.
The diagram staggered her. This was how King had seen
the opera: chaos to be mapped and domesticated. She had looked for the pattern
herself, but it seemed intentionally overcomplicated—as if to resist determined
analysis, forcing attention onto other issues. She had let her intuition
predict the movement of the singers, concentrating on the waning fortunes of
the women rather than the rules of motion. But the pattern had been no match
for King and his multicolored pen.
Beside the scrawls that recorded the performers' raw
movements, a set of formulae had been inscribed. The handwriting was
minuscule; letters, numbers, flowcharting rubric, all neatly boxed and marked
with symbols vaguely familiar from Senior Logic. On the facing page, numerous
precursors to these final formulae had been scrawled and scratched out. Christ,
she thought,
how did he have time to watch? She cleared her throat.
"There's no discrepancy," she calmly
disagreed. Out of the corner of her eye, Freddie looked horrified.
"But," King blustered, "the girl at the
end . . . when the two lateral-movers hit adjacent corners, their movements
would have been totally recursive after that. I mean, they were stuck. She was
safe, wasn't she? Indefinitely safe?" He pulled the
notebook back out of her hand and looked at it again, his head nodding a little
as if checking old and certain facts.
Maybe all his doodles had discovered something
interesting. "So how's that a discrepancy?" she asked. "All the
rules were followed."
"Well, I mean, sure. It was all by the rules
until she . . . flew away. That wasn't in the rules. And she was safe. So, why
did she have to escape?" He asked the question almost desperately.
She knew the answer right away, as surely as if she
really were Wilson. But she let the moment linger.
Then she smiled and said, "Because, Mr. King, she
was just sick of the whole thing."
His face stayed blank for a moment, and he looked
almost dumb as the thought sank in. Then the liveliness in his features, the
sure intelligence, returned, and he broke into a grin. "Ms. Wilson,"
he said, "would you like to have a drink?"
"Please." She took the seat next to him,
leaving Freddie standing. He retreated a step, giving them a small area of
privacy.
She took the notebook back and spread it open across
her knees, caressing the sprawling loops. She could feel the incisions of the
penned lines in the heavy bond paper. "How odd that you
should
use a paper notebook," she said.
"It's an old habit." He fondled the plastic
color dial of the pen. "Really a marvelous piece of technology: open
architecture, pen-based, low power."
She laughed. Drinks appeared; two champagnes in real
glass, thin and fluted. "I hope you don't think it's perverse," she
said.
"What?" he asked.
"That my soprano flies away from a danger that's
not real. Well, it's very real, but not as imminent as it looks. I really
didn't think anyone would figure out the pattern. Not on opening night,
anyway."
He looked a little embarrassed. "It's a curse,
really. I can't just sit and watch something so exquisitely . . . rule-governed
and
not try to figure it out."
She looked out over the house as if in thought and
caught the glint of the field glasses back in their box. She thought she saw
Sam's small form behind them. Of course, he would be watching: zoomed in all
the way, lipreading.
She remembered how Wilson's face had looked at the end
of the act.
"It's governed by a lot of other things,
too," she said. The champagne was ice-cold, as dry as dust.
For the first time King seemed hesitant. "She escaped
partly because ... I mean, it had to
do with the fact that she was ... a
woman. Right?" He bit his lip, unconsciously imitating her gesture.
He suddenly seemed terribly innocent. It was amazing that
he had missed the point of the piece. The rise and fall of the women's fortunes
had only been obscured by his page of colorful squiggles. She laughed again, and
he started. She wondered if her apparent age intimidated him.
"Yes. It always matters."
"Damn. I wish Sean were here. She's much better
at catching that kind of stuff than me."
Lee realized that he had a point. Sean was probably
the wiser of the two. In Candy, he had dominated the conversation, charming and
animated, but Sean was the better listener. At the Loisaida Social Club, Sean
had parried her queries, controlled the conversation.
King had found his subtle discrepancy in the rules of
Wilson's opera, but he had missed the glaring inconsistencies when Bonito had
replaced Sean at Candy. How could she explain Bonito to this man? Bonito was
something monstrously irreducible, undiagrammable; utterly not rule-governed.
King's world was too coherent to admit Bonito. She had
to talk to Sean. King could only provide an introduction.
"Sean Bayes?" she asked.
"Yes." He brightened instantly. "You
know her?"
"I admire her work, but we've never met."
"That's wonderful! She really would have been
here tonight, except . . . she's working on a new show, you see."
"I've heard. Supposedly, it's quite secret."
"Not really. Sean just doesn't like to work in
all the publicity that I've created for her."
"I'd love to see the work in progress."
"Really? Let me introduce you, then." The
promise fell into the air. She wondered if it would fly.
They drank their champagne in silence for a few more
moments. She tried to think of a way to return the conversation to Sean. She
was about to speak again when the houselights flashed twice. King looked up.
"Ms. Wilson, would you do me the honor of
watching the second act from my box?"
"Well . . ."
She felt Freddie's hand on her shoulder. "Ms. Wilson
has to go on stage after the last curtain. It is opening night, after
all."
Freddie's ears were sharper than she'd thought. It was
a good thing he'd thought of that. If the real Wilson had taken a curtain call
while she was still here with King, it would have been difficult to explain.
"Freddie is right, of course."
"I understand." King rose.
She decided to forgo politeness. "But I would
like to meet Sean Bayes."
"Certainly," he seemed charmed at her
insistence. "Give me your number?" He raised his pen.
"I don't take outside calls, actually. Please
give me Ms. Bayes's number."
Her voice was flat, direct. Freddie's hand clenched a
little as she spoke.
King smiled. It was a knowing smile. Of course, he
approved of Sean's proclivities, was turned on by them.
He wrote the number on a corner of the tangled
diagram. With a little flourish, he tore it off and handed it over. It was
fifteen digits, complete with a call-screening number and a Brooklyn area code.
"Thank you, Mr. King. Enjoy the second act."
His handshake was firm and lingered a little, releasing
her reluctantly. He seemed to be looking for something in her eyes. She turned
away from his gaze.
The guards parted, and the door was opened by one of
the men outside.
As they strode down the hall, Freddie fell in behind
her again. He seemed a little awestruck. She realized that, among hackers, King
was at least a minor god.
As they rounded the slow curve of the hallway, the
knot of people around the mezzanine doors became visible. She steeled herself
to pass the German man she had offended. As they reached the crowd, it parted
for her again.
Suddenly a woman blocked their way. She held a
palm-size corder and wore an omnidirectional throat mike.
"Excuse me, Ms. Wilson, but I'd like to ask you .
. ."
Lee was momentarily paralyzed. She didn't want her own
voice recorded coming out of Wilson's mouth. Without hesitation, Freddie swept
around her and placed his hand over the corder's lensing surface.
"We're sorry, but I'm sure you know that Ms. Wilson
does not give interviews."
The woman started to protest, trying to pull the corder
away from Freddie. He kept it in a firm grip. Deeper in the crowd, she saw
another corder lofted high and pointed at them. It was bulky and bore the logo
of a local cable channel. The crowd's murmur became excited.
Freddie, still politely remonstrating with the woman,
gestured with his eyes toward the exit stairs. Lee started down them, then
turned and grabbed his wrist, pulling him after her. She was afraid to be
caught alone in Wilson's body. They rushed down the stairs together.
"Boy, this was a good idea, Freddie! Doppelgang
Hillary Wilson, at the opening of her own opera. Great disguise!"
"Thanks. At least we got in to see King."
The plushly carpeted stairs ended between the orchestra
seats and the main lobby. The crowd was thin here, but the lobby ahead was
filled almost shoulder to shoulder. Freddie took her hand and pulled her
forward. Another staircase faced the one they had just descended.
"This goes back up to the mezzanine," he
said.
After only a few steps, Freddie halted. At the top of
the stairs, a man stood with a large video corder. He was flanked by more
paparazzi.
"We're surrounded," said Freddie. "We
can get lost in the orchestra seats."
"No way, Freddie. What if Wilson's still in her
box and sees us?"
"Well, shit, let's go straight through these
guys."
He attempted to charge ahead, but she restrained him.
"Freddie, the lobby!"
"But there's no way back up to the box from
there!"
"So what? We need to get out of here. I don't
know if I can change again tonight. Let's get a damn cab."
"And leave Sam?" he asked.
"Sam is fine." She pulled him back down. The
woman with the throat mike was at the bottom of the stairs, wiping the lensing
surface of her corder with an oilcloth. Lee ignored her and pulled Freddie into
the lobby.
It was crowded. Every elbow she jostled seemed
connected to a plastic cup of white wine. They made their way aggressively
through the crowd, trailed by whispers of recognition. The doors were open to
the warm, humid night. They rushed down the stone steps to a line of idling limos.
Some were leaving. She looked up and down the street. Incredibly, there were no
taxis.
But, she realized, there were more paparazzi than she
could count. Lounging on the stairs, standing in small knots, drinking beer
outside the bodega across the street, they held low-light corders, satellite
packs, long-lensed still cameras.
So far, she had not been recognized.
"Put your arm around me, Freddie. This way."
She steered him toward the edge of the crowd.
"We can't go too far. This is a pretty scary part
of Brooklyn," he said.
She smiled despite her adrenaline. Freddie was a wimp.
"I can be pretty scary myself, you know."
He considered this silently.
They reached the corner of the building and turned
into sudden darkness. The sidewalk led along the featureless brick of the
academy's side wall. After the crowds, it seemed strangely deserted. Then her
eyes adjusted, and she saw a small group directly in front of them. She slowed
Freddie with a tug on his arm.
It was four males, gathered in a tight circle. The two
facing them looked up, a little startled. She felt her body readying for a
quick and silent fight—hand muscles bunching, pupils dilating to adjust to the
semi-darkness. If they attacked, perhaps she could scatter them with a few deep
scratches. Then she saw the red ember that one cupped in his hand. A whiff of
sweet, heavy smoke confirmed her relief. The men had just stepped around the
corner to smoke a joint.
But they were paparazzi. As they turned, she saw
corders and various lenses dangling from straps around their necks. Bright-red
LED fireflies glowed evilly from the equipment.
"Hey, you're Hillary Wilson," one said. His
accent was broad, midwestern.
"No, I'm not," was all she could manage.
The others looked at their colleague and then squinted
at her. One flicked a belt control, and suddenly the scene was seared into her
brain in bright cobalt colors. The unexpected light was devastating to her
dilated pupils.
Freddie must have recovered his sight first. She felt
herself pulled into a run, his hand on her shoulder. As they passed the group,
she heard the whir of corders and a few clipped commands that one of them
muttered into his throat mike. She willed her pupils out of their sudden
contraction and opened her eyes to the desolate street before them. The colors
were wrong, her cones still jangled by the burst of light.
Freddie pulled her through an open gate. They were
inside BAM now, in the space between the opera house and the music school. The
alleyway angled down.
"We can outrun them. They're carrying a lot of
shit."
"Freddie, I think they called in
reinforcements."
Freddie slowed. "Shit. Well, maybe we should just
give an interview. Or tell them to fuck off."
"I don't want to be on camera at all,
Freddie.
What if Wilson sees it?"
"So, she figures she's got a twin. Or a bent
admirer with money for plastic surgery."
"Right, and she complains to the press that they
interviewed an impostor. So it's a big story. Or Bonito sees it on TV. And
you, who he's seen before, are standing next to me."
It sank in.
They ran. At the end of the alley was another gate,
locked. Flatbush Avenue was in front of them. A trio of cabs sped across their
view, ten meters away. "Shit," Freddie panted, "I hate this
town."
A news van pulled up onto the curb before them. They
turned back. A pair of the pot smokers were at the other end of the alley, one
casting shaky illumination from his shoulder floodlights as he walked.
Freddie pointed toward a stage door they had just
passed. He ran to it and fumbled in his pocket. He swept his smartcard through
the reader. The access light stayed red.
"Nice try," she said.
"Hang on, it's thinking."
He
waited, counting under his breath, and then ran the card through again. With a
heavy click, the light turned green.
He yanked the door open with a grunt. As they entered,
he held up the card for her appreciation. "Pretty smart, huh?"
"Pretty smart. You figure any of those reporters
got a card that smart?"
He frowned. "Maybe. But I think we're on home
turf now. Let's just wait until they leave."
"Let's just find another exit and get the fuck
out of here."
They were standing at the end of a dimly lit hallway.
The walls were white and shabby, the floor tiled with scratched institutional
gray. They were in the BAM music school, an old Salvation Army building that
the academy had annexed a few years before. She started down the hall.
As they walked, Freddie checked the locked doors to
either side. Through the small safety-glass panes set into them, they could see
offices, classrooms, a small phone bank. This was the deserted administrative
wing of the building. They moved quietly. An encounter here might be as bad as
one with the paparazzi outside. They might run into someone who knew Wilson
personally. She hoped any confrontation would go down as theatrical lore—the
Phantom of the Opera. At least it wouldn't get uplinked for broadcast on the
news.
Their wandering path led them from the grim hallways
into darker, more mechanical areas, from institutional to industrial in feel.
A long, sloping hall led them down, back toward the opera house. Large black
machines from another century hulked in cramped spaces lit by red incandescents.
Once, a harried prop hand ran past, taking no notice of them. They could hear
the orchestra warming up. It sounded as if it was directly overhead.
"We're not heading toward an exit!" Freddie
whispered harshly. "We're just gonna get lost down here."
She moved ahead more slowly. Around a corner, they
surprised a pair of stagehands wearing headsets. The two were speechless for a
moment, and then one said, "Curtain in one minute, Hillary." The
other looked embarrassed.
She smiled at them, and she and Freddie picked up
their pace.
Around more corners, down another hall, they found
themselves in a large room. Its circular walls were filled with hand levers,
dials, and banks of power outlets, crowded with unruly bunches of thick cable.
The worklights here were blue.
In the center of the room, a black machine squatted.
It didn't seem to be in working condition. Rooted on great iron legs, it looked
like a giant dead insect. Cutting laterally through its center was a huge gear,
parallel with the floor, mounted on a broad shaft that ran from floor to
ceiling. She realized that they were below the opera house. The mechanism had
once been used to rotate a circular section of the stage.
Upstairs, the orchestra began to play. There were no
slow washes of sound to begin this act; a driving, arpeggiated rhythm had leapt
into being, fully formed.
Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed motion.
She grabbed Freddie and indicated the figure with a
jerk of her head. Visible through the machinery, it swayed in time with the
music. Freddie started to back away unsurely, but she held on to his arm. They
needed a guide out of the building.
Assuming the air of confidence she had managed
upstairs, she rounded the girth of the machine. She struck a casual pose before
the figure and cleared her throat. The woman lifted her head a little
unsteadily.
Lee realized two things simultaneously.
The woman was booting up. A dermal injector was
strapped to her bare left arm, counting off its delivery in sharp ticks, her
sweat aglow in the light from its LCD readout. Her eyes were glazed and wide.
The woman was also Hillary Wilson.
Lee said nothing. She heard Freddie gasp behind her.
She heard the orchestra above suddenly halve its tempo, slowing into a
determined grind.
Wilson looked up, and her eyes filled with terror. She
raised one hand to her mouth, as if to scream.
"Wait," said Lee.
Wilson didn't scream. She seemed paralyzed by the
directive.
Lee scrambled for something to say.
"There's a discrepancy, you know," was all
that would come.
Wilson blinked her eyes, once. The injector slipped
from her fingers, clattering on the cement floor.
Lee took a step forward, put a hand on Wilson's
shoulder. "She didn't have to escape. She was safe, Hillary."
Wilson nodded. "I know." Her voice cracked a
little. It was high, like a child's, slurred by the drug. She seemed
hypnotized. Lee decided to keep talking. The music above had settled into a
short, repeated figure, quiet and almost soothing.
"So why did she fly away? Tell me, Hillary."
Wilson stood. Her hands were shaking now. Her face was
shiny in the blue light, filmed with sweat. She opened her mouth as if to
speak, but no sound emerged.
"Why did she fly away?" Lee spoke calmly.
"She was tired ...
of singing. She had to leave."
Lee nodded. "Good. That's what I thought. She was
sick of it, right?"
"Yeah. She was sick, all right." Wilson
winced. "She was just about ready to explode. There was some kind of pain
inside her."
"What kind of pain?"
"Lee, stop," said Freddie.
Wilson ignored him. She put one hand to her head and
said, "It was a bad pain. It hurt like shit. It was from tearing herself
apart." Her voice grew still higher.
"And she was sick of the
whole thing, right?"
Wilson nodded. "She was sick,
because she knew that if she didn't escape she would turn into something
else."
"Jesus Christ, Lee," came Freddie's voice.
"Shut up, Freddie. Turn into what?"
"Turn into what she most hated."
"What was that?"
Wilson put a hand on her stomach. She grimaced. “I
have to leave now. It's started." She looked up.
Lee smiled. "We can leave anytime you want,"
she said. "Why don't we get a taxi?"
Wilson looked straight into Lee's eyes and seemed to
see something. For a moment, some apparition was reflected in Wilson's face. A
chill rose in Lee.
Then, with a cry, Wilson turned and ran.
She was fast. Whatever designer chemical she'd injected
had hopped her up. She was out of the room before they could move. Lee was
first after her, cracking a shoulder against the frame of the low doorway
Wilson had taken. She heard Freddie following.
The pursuit led through the winding bowels of BAM,
past a startled stagehand, through a room full of half-finished sets, up a
flight of stairs. Lee suddenly imagined that Wilson was headed for the stage.
The three of them would burst out into the blinding light, and the audience
would turn and stare.
Then she felt Freddie's hands on her arms, trying to
bring her to a halt. She spun, and her fist connected with his mouth. He was
thrown back, his face blossoming with blood. Her fist hurt. The blow had landed
unexpectedly hard.
She stopped, took his shoulders.
"Why the fuck are we chasing her?" he said,
his breath ragged. His words were thick with blood.
"She's headed out, don't you see?" she
shouted at him.
Freddie looked after Wilson. She was almost through a
set of double doors at the far end of the hall. They followed her again at a
dead run.
When Wilson burst through the doors with a crash, Lee
caught the glimmer of a streetlight outside.
"Come on," she said, shoving Freddie before
her.
They ran down the hallway. As Freddie pushed through,
he coughed, and blood spattered the handrails of the doors. They were on
Flatbush Avenue. Cars sped by a few yards ahead, their tires shushing on the
wet roadway. It had rained.
Wilson was nowhere in sight.
They stood there a moment, looking up and down
Flatbush, gasping the cool, dry air. Then Freddie's arm was up, and a taxi
hydroplaned to a stop before them. Inside, Freddie started coughing again as he
tried to give his address. She put her arm around him and said,
"Manhattan."
Chapter 9
SURRENDER
It rained again during the ride home, and Freddie's
mouth would not stop bleeding.
The cab was a new Ford that smelled of tobacco smoke
and cleaning solvents. The wipers arced grime and wet streaks that blinked
mercury-vapor orange under the struts of Manhattan Bridge.
The driver, a small Hispanic woman dwarfed behind the
Ford's steering wheel, passed back a handful of tissues wordlessly. Freddie
blotted his nose clean with a wad of them, holding his head back. Lee cradled
him against her shoulder. She and the driver talked about the rain, drifting
back and forth between English and Spanish.
As they approached home, she dug money out of
Freddie's pocket. The meter had hit twenty even, and she tipped the driver with
the few dollars she had left of her own money. Freddie fumbled with the keys at
the outside door and seemed unsteady on the stairs.
Upon entering the apartment, he opened the refrigerator
but closed it empty-handed.
They showered together. More blood ran from Freddie's
nose when the water hit his face. He didn't notice. He met her eyes with a look
that was intense, cautious, reticent. He seemed continually about to say
something, but it never came.
His gaze fell to her body. She had varied her skin
with the diverse textures of age; it was here and there wrinkled or discolored.
To conceal her strength, she had woven her musculature into multiple conduits:
tight, dispersed cords discretely threaded among her sharp bones. Still, her
body was spare and healthy looking, its surface seasoned with age.
He held her, pressing tight. The water ran between
them, around them, tracing the connection of their bodies.
"Lee?"
"Yes."
"What the fuck were we doing to her?"
"To Wilson? I don't know. But I knew she would
take us out. We had to escape."
"But what about her?"
"I have no idea," she said. "What would
you do if you looked out a window one day and saw yourself? Your own face
looking back?"
He frowned. "I guess I'd scream at first. But
then I'd just figure it was you."
She laughed, and he kissed her. They held each other
until the water started to grow cool.
In bed, they kissed for a long time. He explored her
mouth carefully, with teeth, lips, and tongue. She realized the source of his
fascination: Her lips were thinner than they had been. He was trying to measure
her change, if only in this one trivial particular. The kisses lasted as her
passion rose, and she pushed him down to her breasts, still sensitive in their
newness. He licked them, tenderly bit. As he moved across her body, she felt a
reluctance in his attentions. She moved down to kiss his shoulders, adjusting
their position until she could reach his groin, ran her fingers through the
soft hair above his cock. He was flaccid.
"What's the matter? Don't you like older
women?"
He raised his head but looked toward some point beyond
her.
"I'm fascinated."
"So what's the problem?"
"I just keep seeing the terror in her eyes."
There was a stab of pain, almost like a physical
intrusion, in her side. Freddie was only half with her. He also lay with
Hillary Wilson, in effigy.
For the first time, she had stolen a body. Now came
the price. Anger toward Freddie rose in her, a sense of betrayal. But there was
something subtler than that, an almost imperceptible dislocation of self. The
feeling was like the odd sense when a new body mimicked her in a mirror, but
broader. Usually, a new body was like a new apartment, an empty shell that had
to be filled before it was comfortable. But this body was already claimed,
furnished with all the baggage of being Hillary Wilson. She had seen that
reflected in Freddie's eyes.
Something seemed to slip away from her. Her mind tried
to grasp exactly what it was, but it was too soon out of reach.
She held Freddie until he fell asleep, his breathing
heavy and slow against her chest, and waited for the feeling to go.
************************************
When she woke, Freddie was up, dressed and sitting
cross-legged on the floor, drinking something from a coffee mug. He was staring
at her, his eyes glazed. She reached out one leg and poked him with a toe. He
smiled, blinking.
Looking down at herself, she flexed her hands, the
muscles in her arms and legs. The usual awkwardness of a new body was absent.
In the last week, she had become physiologically accustomed to frequent
changes. But she felt a physical toll. She relaxed her muscles and did an
internal census of her major organs. There was a disquieting ache near her
stomachs, from the place where the fire of a change usually started. A seasick
feeling, so subtle that it went away when she concentrated on it. It was evident
only in the peripheral vision of her mind's eye.
She reached out and took Freddie's mug, lifted it to
her lips. It was strong coffee, hot and sweet, flavored with something like
hazelnut. It cleared her head. She wrapped one hand around its warmth and
propped her head on the other.
"What's with you?" she asked him.
"It's odd to sleep with the same person in two
different bodies."
"Two so far, Freddie." She had picked
up his habit of italicizing words.
He smiled again, leaning back against the closet door.
She drank, the events of the previous night going through her head. Visions
from the vivid and effulgent opera colored her memories with a fantastic light.
The whole evening now seemed overacted.
Freddie watched her think for a while and then said,
"What do we do now?"
She had already decided. "I've got to talk to
Sean."
"But what the fuck are you going to say?"
"I don't have the first idea, Freddie." She
drummed her fingers on the side of the mug. "The way I see it, Bonito may
want Ed King's money, or power, or whatever, but he wants Sean's . . .
identity. Because Sean's the only person close to King who still lives in the
real world. The rest of his friends are corporate clones wrapped in the
Americorp security blanket. Bonito's only route to King is through Sean."
"So?"
"So, our only way to get to Bonito is through
Sean. He's only exposed while he's stalking her. If we can warn Sean about
Bonito and get her on our side, we can find him. Then we can hurt him."
"Hurt him? Are you serious? Last
time he fucked with us he ate fifty thousand volts and then got run over by a
car."
"Merely a body thing. He changes bodies like you
change clothes. I'm talking about fucking up his life.
Hitting
him where he lives?"
"If he doesn't live in his body, where the hell
does he live?"
She thought about it. Freddie waited silently.
"Something's got to be important to him. Whatever
is a constant for him: his plans, his home, his heart's desire."
Freddie rolled his eyes. "What was it that he did
to you again, Lee? Stole your smartcard? Wore a dick in the wrong bar? I mean,
I agree that he's the devil. I can see that. But we could just warn
Ed King and let him handle it."
She considered this. King, if they could convince him
of the danger, would be formidable. But this wasn't just between Bonito and
King. It was her business now. She heard the steel in her voice.
"Freddie, I thought I was the only one, the only polymorph. Then Bonito
appeared and showed me that there were more of us. He destroyed my innocence.
And then he abandoned me."
"And you want revenge."
"That's part of it. I want his ass, and I also
want to know everything he knows. About us—him and me—about polymorphs. He
knows about the others, Freddie. I have to know, too."
"But Lee, what if they're all just
like him?"
Oddly, Freddie's sudden vehemence didn't surprise
her. She couldn't remember voicing the question to herself but felt as if she
had already considered it.
"Then I'm just like him. And if that's
the case, it's something I want to know."
Freddie was stunned. "But you're not . . ."
"We'll see," she said and went into the
bathroom.
She stayed under the shower until the water turned
cold. As she dried herself, she felt a rush of release. In the mirror, she saw
she had been crying.
************************************
Freddie was in the kitchen, the smell of burned toast
joining that of coffee. He was spreading jam thickly with a plastic knife.
He looked at her and spoke as if there had been no
interruption. "If you wanted to warn someone, why didn't you just tell Ed
King about Bonito last night?"
"He's too literal-minded. You computer geeks
never see the forest for the trees. I have to talk to Sean."
"But what the fuck are you going to say?"
"See what I mean? Shut up, Freddie. I don't know
what
I'm going to say yet. But I'll think of something."
He grimaced and swilled coffee. "It's too bad we
don't have proof."
"Proof of what?"
"Of Bonito's power. Like a video of him changing
into Sean."
"Don't be stupid, Freddie. Any fourteen-year-old
with PixelBoy 1.0 could make a video of that. Besides, we do have proof:
me." She began to pace. "But I take your point. Maybe a demonstration
is in order."
"I thought you didn't want anyone to know about
you."
"I don't want anyone to know about us,"
she
said. "Me or Bonito, and the rest of us. But Sean's in deep trouble.
Sleeping with Bonito isn't what I'd call safe sex."
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Who would fuck this
guy?"
She ignored him. "If I showed her a change, she'd
be ready to listen."
"You could change so you looked like Sean. That'd
get her attention. Worked pretty good with Wilson." He didn't laugh.
"Great idea. She'd probably run like hell, too.
Probably the best thing to do is stay as Wilson. Since King gave me Sean's
number, he might've mentioned to her that he's met Wilson."
"So call." Freddie went to the door, where
his jacket hung. He fished his phone out of a pocket and handed it to her.
She found herself reluctant to make the call. The
impersonation the night before had gone so utterly awry.
"What if this doesn't work?"
Freddie smiled. "You could always doppelgang
Bonito. Then she'd let you in. They are fucking, after all."
She shuddered. "No, thanks." She hit the
phone's power switch.
"Just a second," interrupted Freddie. He
went into the other room. There was the whine of a RAM count as he booted his
Sony. She sipped her tea and waited, still nervous about the call. He returned.
"Just thought I'd trace the call."
"We've got the number, Freddie."
"Yeah, but just the number. If she's cellular,
we can get a location. Plus, I thought I should scramble the caller ID."
"Freddie, that is so illegal."
He flinched mockingly. "Ouch! Remonstrance from
the welfare queen."
"It's a question of privacy, shithead."
"Outdated, bourgeois concept."
"Your French accent sucks." She punched in
the number. Freddie went back into the Sony's room.
Sean answered on the third ring.
Lee tried to affect the same aristocratic accent she
had used with King the night before. "Good morning, I hope it's not too
early to call."
"No. Been up for hours. Who is this?"
"This is Hillary Wilson."
Sean was silent.
"You see, I met Mr. Edward King last night and
remarked to him that I admired your work. He gave me your number and suggested
I call you. I hope you don't mind."
There was still no response.
Something was wrong. "1 trust you and Mr. King
are still friends?" There was a pause. She heard a distant car alarm from
Sean's end.
Sean's voice sounded very small. "Who is this again?"
"This is Hillary Wilson."
"That's bullshit."
Lee was stunned by her vehemence.
"This is a really sick joke," said Sean.
Lee cleared her throat. "It most certainly is
not, young lady." She wished that Freddie's little phone had video.
"The fuck it isn't. Who is this?"
"Hillary Wilson;" Lee said, stamping her
foot on the tile floor.
"Yeah, right. Listen, asshole, I just got the
paper.
Hillary Wilson blew her brains out last night."
Lee dropped the phone, a cry caught soundlessly in her
throat.
************************************
PART 3
THE PRINCIPLE OF FORCE
Chapter
10
DUMBO
She changed in the bathroom, kneeling naked in the
tub. The porcelain was still wet, the air hot and humid from her shower. The
change came quickly, almost effortlessly, but as she rested from it the strange
sickness in her abdomen rose, along with the taste of bile. She vomited, at
first to ease the pain but then uncontrollably. When the heaving stopped, she
opened her eyes. A thin, bloody mucus filmed the pores of the bathtub drain.
Despite the agony in her gut, she probed the bile with a shaking finger. It
smelled of stomach acid and coffee and had the texture of thick olive oil.
She'd never seen anything like it before, neither in an anatomy textbook nor in
vivo.
Freddie was there, his hands on her shoulders. He
handed her a warm, wet towel. She rested her face in it and tried to take
control over her raging body. After a while, her head stopped spinning, but the
nausea was unabated.
She made herself stand.
The mirror on the medicine cabinet showed a pallid,
sweaty face. Her eyes were filmy, the muscles slack. But it was the face she
wanted. It was beautiful, strong-jawed, Italian. And her eyes were vivid
green.
She was Bonita.
Freddie looked at her, as awed as he'd been at BAM.
But this time the awe was tinged with horror. She whisked the shower curtain across his
view. Cold water slowed her metabolism, washed away the sweat and bile. Soon,
the agonizing pain in her gut subsided to a dull throb. She paused under the
water to release a measure of morphine analog into her blood. The morphine
didn't really still the pain, but soon it was less noticeable, the raging of a
faraway madman.
She dressed in her own clothes, in a loose black
coverall like the one Bonito had worn at the Loisaida Social Club. Freddie had
boiled a package of ramen noodles and asked her if she wanted any. She shook
her head and sat heavily in the chair across from him.
He looked up from eating, paused, and said, "Lee,
I've got to go to work. I've skipped my last two shifts."
She smiled. "That's okay. I need to see Sean
alone."
"But you should wait until I get off tonight.
Something might go wrong."
"Like what?"
"Like Bonito might be there."
She felt her smile turn evil. "Then I'll kill
him." The morphine was buzzing in her head. "What's the
address?"
"Do you really think you should—"
She reached across and grasped his shoulder, hard.
"What's the address?"
Freddie sighed. "All right, it's still on the VTV.
But you should take my phone. Say 'work' into it and it'll speed-dial my AcNet
number."
"Thanks, Freddie. By the way, why don't you work
at home? You might as well."
"It's a deal AcNet made with the city. They get a
tax abatement if they keep workers in commercial property."
"Typical," she said, and smiled. "God,
I hate this town."
He smiled back, started to say something, and thought
better of it.
"Good-bye, Lee."
************************************
On Freddie's VTV was an address and a street map,
showing that Sean had taken her call at a warehouse in Brooklyn.
She was hungry, but she didn't think she could keep
any food down. There was milk in the refrigerator, and she whitened a cup of
hazelnut coffee with it until she could sip the mixture without gagging. She
stared out the front window for an hour or so, watching Chelsea pedestrians
pass.
She found Freddie's cash easily, a thin, tight roll of
twenties in the battery case of the alarm clock by his bed. It wasn't a very
original place to hide money.
She put on her sunglasses and slipped the trench knife
into a pocket as she left.
The taxi driver was a large man with a skin condition
and a five-syllable last name. His cab was small and had the bright smell of an
electric with a leaking battery. He frowned when she got in. She frowned back
and said, "DUMBO."
He drove for a few blocks and then slowed. "What
is DUMBO?"
"Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass.
Brooklyn."
He frowned again and drove.
It was a bright, clear day. Canal was lined with
stalls of cheap Asian toys, synthetic leather, and fresh fish. A crush of pedestrians
slowed the cab until they reached Manhattan Bridge. As the cab rose above the
city, she could see the Domino Sugar factory, the Pfizer drug plant, and the
FEMA barracks across the river. As they descended into Brooklyn, the noon sun
glimmered in bright moire patterns through its struts and catwalks.
She hadn't gotten Freddie's printer to work but had
sketched the map from the screen. After ten minutes of slowly trolling the
DUMBO neighborhood, they found the warehouse. She handed the driver a twenty
and said, "Keep it."
He frowned and drove away.
She walked around the warehouse once. It was from the
middle of the last century. Paneled industrial windows looked out from the
third and fourth floors. A coal chute climbed one of the walls. The neighborhood
had a few fancy delis, holdovers from the turn of the century, when DUMBO had
been fashionable among loft-dwelling artists displaced by Manhattan rents. The
riots had hit harder in the outer boroughs, though, and most of the warehouses
were empty again.
The buzzer was next to an old loading bay door. It was
labeled "S. Bayes." She pressed it. No answer. She pressed it again,
holding it for a solid five seconds, and waited. Then a whir from the shadows
caught her ear. She adjusted her eyes and spotted a camera in a dim corner of
the bay. It moved again, focusing on her face. She waved at it.
She was about to buzz again when the door opened.
The man was wearing a pink knit shirt, short-sleeved
and well pressed. His khaki pants were neatly creased. He had the same relaxed
look as King's guards at BAM. Even in his casual clothes, he had the
unmistakable air of a suit.
"I thought she was going to meet you in
town," he said, still standing in the doorway.
She had tuned her voice to Bonita's low, throaty rasp.
"She said she'd be here."
He smiled a receptionist's smile and pulled a phone
from his pocket. "Let me see if I can reach her for you."
She smiled and took a small step forward. He took no
notice. Her kick caught him squarely in the groin, lifting him off the metal
floor a little. His eyes met hers with an expression of surprise as he fell.
She kicked him twice on the side of the head and caught the door before it
closed.
He was heavier than he looked, a kevlar vest tailored
skintight under the pink shirt.
Just inside the door were a wide staircase and a
freight elevator. The ground floor was a vast unlit space, littered with old
boxes, trash, large rolls of bubblewrap. Her arms goose-pimpled in the chill of
the air conditioning. She shoved the guard into a corner, looking around for a
way to tie him up or to secure the elevator door. There was nothing in sight.
Then she checked his pulse. He was dead.
She leaned against the warm metal of the outside door
and breathed deeply. Her head began to spin again, but her adrenaline remained
under control. The pain in her abdomen took on a new edge. She released another
dose of morphine analog. Reaching up to wipe the sweat from her face, she
found, horribly, a smile on her lips.
She carried him easily, rolled him into a sheet of
bubblewrap that popped desultorily a few times as he turned.
Climbing the stairs at a dead run, she felt like she
was flying.
The second floor was living space. A large kitchen
surrounded a central island, a forest of bright stainless hanging from the
ceiling. Past a wall of shojin screens, a low bed faced a two-meter video
monitor. The monitor was flanked by bright-red ornnidirectional speaker
columns. On the bed were four identical remote controls. Two cats lounged
among them, one ash-gray, the other a bright apricot. They looked at her
disinterestedly.
The next floor up was almost empty. It had the clean,
renovated look of a SoHo loft, the gray industrial floors relaid with pinewood.
The windows on the west side reached from floor to ceiling. Facing the view was
a single loveseat, lonely on the vacant expanse. She crossed to it. There was
an ice bucket filled with water, a champagne bottle floating empty in it. The
gold foil from the bottle lay on the floor, glinting in the light of the
lowering sun. A phone rested on the loveseat. The only other object in the room
was a black onyx ashtray, filled with butts. All were marked with the same
deep-red lipstick.
The fourth floor was the installation.
Lee had been to New Jersey once. A lover had taken her
by rented motorcycle out to a new mega-store. Beside an eight-lane interstate,
a huge, low building had risen out of the lush wetlands. It was bright, clean,
and white—like its clientele. The merchandise was arrayed with uncanny
precision and almost heroic redundancy, row after row of the same products, as
if they could sell themselves by sheer weight of numbers.
The same disquiet that she had felt in that Jersey
megastore visited her now. The floor and walls of the installation were painted
an unambiguous, reflective white, shadowlessly lit with broad panels of fluorescent
ceiling tile. The shelves were constructed of white HARD plastic sheets
suspended from the ceiling by monofilament, all exactly aligned. As she
walked, a little awestruck, among the aisles, she saw that Sean had realized
another fearful symmetry: every product bore her own image. The smiling girl on
a can of Italian tomatoes, a fuzzily lit woman on a box of pantyhose, the
energetic supermom on the display over a rack of antidepressant dermal injectors—all
had the face of Sean Bayes. In the neat rows of boxes, cans, packets, shrinkwrappers,
bottles, jars, even on an aisle of romance novels, their covers gaudy with holographic
illustrations, Sean's face looked at Lee from a thousand vantages.
Lee backed out of the installation warily, the commodifies
suddenly alive with Sean's penetrating stare. In one corner of the floor, she
found the workshop. Half a dozen monitors were still booted, their screen
savers churning out slowly morphing globs of colored light. There were
printers, scanning beds, a 3-D fabricator, a digital camera, various tools of
desktop design. Littered among the scraps on the work-tables were pictures of
Sean, retouched, bitmapped, and morphed into a dozen different scenarios. On
one table she found a draft of the installation's catalog, entitled COMMODITY DREAMGIRLS: Emblems of
Desire/Whispers of Inaccessibility.
She brought it to a window and read:
Commodity-land dreamgirls, angels of billboards and
emblems of desire, recess into their own empty stares. Their inaccessibility,
of course, simply en-flames the desire for access, compelling the purchase of
the commodity pitched. Though the product is infinitely acquirable, one can
never deplete the product's elusive double, the dreamgirl on its surface. Thus
one's desire is never entirely exhausted—there is always more, just out of
reach, for tomorrow. The value of such a bottomless cup is immeasurable.
Dreamgirls sing the inexhaustible value of what you can't possess though it's
in your own hands.
The annoying question must be raised: What about the
"real" women whom these dreamgirls purport to imitate? Is there such
a thing as a "real" woman? Can her body be trusted to mean anything
when it has been, for centuries now, the emblem of a desire which deceives? The
iconography of insatiability results, predictably, in a body meaning only
desire.
By now it's a well-known conundrum in the wranglings
of feminist theory: the female body has historically signified masculinity (as
the repository of masculine desire) while women are excluded from the
privileges accorded that term. Thus, a "woman" striving to be other
than representative of the phallic order can find herself striving to be
disembodied. The drive toward phantomic, or disembodied, presence resonates
with the phantasmic scene of the commodity, with which, in image, she so often
finds herself doubled. All of this is reminiscent of late 20th-century feminism's
unpacking of the secret that the female body, or she who lives within it, is
not, cannot be, that which she is given to appear to be.
(Schneider, Explicit Body,1997)
It was like going back to old anatomy texts she had
once read fluently and discovering that now they only hinted at prior meanings.
She stared out the window, watching the sunlight flicker on the East River,
unable to decide what to do next.
Some time later, the phone in her pocket rang. It took
a moment to clear her head. It was Freddie.
"What's happening?"
"She's not here. I'm waiting for her."
"Well, I called because there's something you
should know."
"What?"
"Sam called me. He said the correlation
shifted."
"The what?"
"The correlation between Bonito's account and
Americorp's stock value."
"You mean he sold off? He's given up?"
"No. The correlation is still there, but it's no
longer positive. It's negative. He's short-selling. And Sam's done some more
work. He says the margin is very high. If Americorp stock goes up even one
point, Bonito's wiped out."
"And if it crashes . . ." Her brain was responding
slowly.
"Then he makes billions."
She felt her head-spins returning, put out a hand, and
leaned heavily against the window ledge. "We don't have much time, do
we?"
"Sam doesn't know. Bonito's taking a big risk, unless
he can do something that will crash Americorp's stock in the next few
days."
"The guard here said that Sean went to meet Bonito."
There were a few moments of silence. Then she said, quite calmly, "Sean
isn't coming back, is she?"
"I don't know." Freddie sounded defeated..
"Not if Bonito's making his move."
The sunlight was warm on her hand. "Freddie, how
do we find them?"
He thought for a moment. "What did the guard say,
exactly?"
An image of the guard, rolled in bubblewrap three
floors below, stole her breath for a moment. She allowed herself a little more
of the morphine analog. "He said that Sean had gone to meet me. He thought
I was Bonita, of course."
"So they must have spoken on the phone. Sean
called Bonito or Bonito called Sean."
"So?"
"So did Sean take her phone with her?"
"No. It's here."
"Bring it to my apartment. I'll be there. We'll
soak her phone, drag up her stored outgoing calls. And if he
called
her, we'll trace the account and soak the NYNEX mainframe.
Listen, this is the easiest hack there is. If they talked on the phone, we've
got him."
She turned back and headed through the installation.
"All right, Freddie. I'm coming home."
The rows of products watched her passage with mocking
stares.
Chapter 11
NYNEX
In the deserted caverns of DUMBO, it took almost half
an hour to find a cab. Finally, one rounded the corner twenty meters ahead of
her and stopped when she gave an inhumanly loud shout. She threw two twenties
at the driver and said, "Chelsea. Drive like a maniac." Then she lay
across the backseat and concentrated on not throwing up.
************************************
Freddie was already home, qwerty bracelets on his
wrists. He popped a small square box of coffee drink with its straw and led her
into the Sony's room. He took Sean's phone from her and slammed it against the
side of his workstation chair. The molded plastic case split down the middle.
He picked through the electronics with a kind of bored grace, pushing aside
the grosser elements of speaker, microphone, power supply. The motherboard
resisted his prying for about a second, then popped clear of the case with a
loud snap. One edge of the board was copper-colored. He fitted the edge into
the pickup teeth of a short, fat scuzzy cable that he pulled out of a cluttered
drawer. He jacked the cable into the back of the Sony.
The Sony's screen saver cleared, and a few lines of
alphanumerics appeared.
"Matsushita 990. Crappy phone," said
Freddie. "Got a scrambler. Easy hack, though."
His hands flickered. More lines of text filled the
Sony's monitor.
"That's the last number she called," he said.
The last line of text was a eight-digit number.
"Couldn't we have just pressed Redial?"
He gave her a look of infinite patience. "And
when someone answered, what would we do? Ask for Bonito?"
He qwerted a little more. "Besides, it's a
Chinese restaurant."
"How the hell do you know?"
"I've got a copy of the Five-Borough Directory in
numerical order. Standard equipment. I figure Bonito's not in the phone book,
but looking up numbers makes it easier to pare down the list."
She tried to follow the text on the screen but was
lost. This wasn't a user interface, like Sam's elegant financial schematic or
even the New York Public Library's cluttered network. This was the operating
system of a small, sophisticated machine, rows of numbers scrolling down the
screen without any clue to their meaning. Freddie seemed at home here, though.
A few minutes later, he spoke again.
"Here's the last 256 numbers she called."
They scrolled by. "Just let me chop the listed ones."
"They probably talked today," she prompted.
"Good point. Only four are time-stamped today.
Let's see, Mexican for lunch, Chinese for dinner— eats a lot of takeout—a call
to a listed number in Brooklyn after that."
"She's from Brooklyn," Lee said.
"Yep. Anita Bayes. Mom, maybe. The last one's a
call to a voice-mail service. No Bonito here."
"What if he'd left her a message? Can you hack
her voice mail?"
He raised his hands. "If need be. But let's not
get too complicated. Bonito may have called her,
you
know."
"Does her phone save its caller IDs?"
"Only the most recent one." He leaned
forward and squinted at the screen. Then he hissed. "And it's the fucking
Chinese restaurant calling her back. Couldn't they find the place?" He
sighed and leaned back.
"Actually, her warehouse is pretty hard to
find," she said.
"Let me check the other 252 outgoing calls."
His fingers moved into a blur. The screen rolled with text, too fast for her to
follow. She looked away, her head beginning to spin again. She sat down on the
bed and considered another jolt of morphine. Instead, she shut her eyes and
relaxed the knotted muscles in her gut.
Freddie didn't take long. "Only one of these is
unlisted. It's a very secure mobile line based somewhere in Manhattan."
"So that's him."
"Right. It's a thirteen-digit number with a microwave
prefix and a security code. Like a movie star would have."
"Like someone who wanted to keep a low profile
would have, you mean."
"Yeah, and she calls it about three times a
week."
"Can you get the address?"
"Like I said, it's unlisted, so we gotta hit the
NYNEX mainframe."
"That's hard?"
"A fucking piece of cake. Four-year-old could
hack it."
As he qwerted, she curled herself into a tight ball.
The pain was duller now, but it was larger, more expansive. It had been a long
time since she had thrown up involuntarily. She remembered a bad time at age
twelve—five beers with an older girl who lived in the Gompers projects. They'd
found two six-packs hidden in a storage cage behind the laundry room and had
drunk them too quickly, wary of being caught. Afterward, they'd gone outside,
where sundown pinkened the brick of the towers, the cool air beautiful to
breathe in her adolescent intoxication. Then they'd run to the swing sets. High
into the air, standing, thrusting harder and harder until her hands were
burning with the pattern of the chains, it had been glorious.
Until they'd stopped.
The feeling had come as if from far away, a revolution
fomenting in some distant province of her body. She fought it, marshaling her
unformed talent against the rush of nausea, holding on far longer than her
older companion. But the whole time there was a certainty in her gut that she
had lost control, that her body was building toward some vast explosion.
The feeling now had that same inevitable, sovereign
edge. But she kept it down.
Freddie talked while he worked, and she listened with
half her attention as a distraction from the pain. As far as she could follow
it, he opened Sean's account easily, pretending to be an audit warrant from
the Phone Harassment Complaints Bureau. He verified the audit request with the
chip from Sean's phone itself, and the last 1024 numbers that had called her
rolled by, time-stamped and fully open to interrogation.
"Here we go," he said a few minutes later.
"The fucker likes his own name."
"What?" She struggled to clear her head.
"Bonito Visconti, 564 East Sixth Street. Got
three lines, call-waiting, an incoming screen code—"
"He lives on Sixth Street?"
"Has for seven years."
So close. He had been so close all along.
"Got a nice alarm system, too," Freddie
continued. "Got a dedicated phone
line for it. It's set to call his personal mobile line if anyone breaks into
his house. It doesn't call the cops. That's unusual."
"Guess he values his privacy. Can you disconnect
it?"
"Can't disconnect the alarm system's line. Need a
court order for that. But his mobile phone's an easy hack." His fingers
fluttered, and he smirked with satisfaction. "No more incoming calls for
him tonight."
"What about Sean? Did he call her today?"
"Right before the Chinese restaurant did. 4:38 p.m."
She tried to think clearly. "I got there about
six o'clock, so let's say she left to meet him around five. They've only been
together for two hours or so. They could be at his apartment."
"It's a house. But they're probably not
there."
"Why not?"
"According to NYNEX, he made a call from the West
Side Highway mobile cell fifteen minutes ago."
"Shit. They're headed somewhere."
"Bonito is, anyway."
"Can we track him? Like you did Sean?"
"No. His phone's got a real scrambler. PGP. Not
like this piece of shit." He dropped the remains of Sean's phone onto the
floor.
"So how do we find him?" she asked.
Freddie leaned back, his voice taking on a professorial
air. "Well, we could through-put the NYNEX audit and get all the numbers
that Bonito's called in the last month. Then, if there's any toll-free calls,
we could check them against the 800 directory for credit card customer service.
From there we hack the credit card company's records and see what he pays for
with plastic: where he eats, any hotel bills, deliveries to another address,
whatever we find."
"You do this kind of shit a lot?"
"Not since I was a little kid."
She thought it over. "How long would it
take?"
"Days."
"Freddie! This is happening now.
I know
it is. I say we go to his house."
"He won't be there." There was fear in
Freddie's eyes.
"He's got to come home sometime," she said.
Freddie wiped a braceleted hand across his mouth and
cleared his throat. "That's what I'm afraid of."
She smiled. She wasn't afraid. Somewhere in a place
distanced by the morphine, she mourned: Hillary Wilson, the security guard, and
whatever part of herself was dying painfully in her gut. But the immediate part
of her, the self she was wearing now, was impelled by the chemicals of change,
gone ferocious with overuse. The new self cried out for action. "Freddie,
we need a gun."
He considered this for a moment. "There's a high
school up the street. Ronald Wilson Reagan Vocational."
"Good. Get something with a lot of stopping
power." She threw the roll of twenties to him. He looked at it for a
second, the slightest frown crossing his face as he realized that it was his.
"While I'm doing that, you're gonna change,
right?"
The pain in her gut sparked at the thought. She fought
to keep it down. "I don't think I can, Freddie. Too damn many changes
lately. It's kind of starting to . . . hurt."
"Hell of a disguise, don't you think? Sneaking up
on Bonito as Bonito?"
She sighed. "I guess we have to count on shock
value."
Freddie picked up the roll of money wordlessly. He
went to the door. His hand on the knob, he turned back. "Whatever you say."
While he was gone, she searched the apartment for
other weapons. She figured that a gun could knock Bonito down, but killing him
would be a different story. She had no idea what it took to halt a polymorph's
metabolism. She could empty the gun into his head, but he might have rearranged
his vital organs. She had considered developing a backup for her own autonomic
functions but hadn't known where to begin. With Bonito's powers, he might have
a spare medulla oblongata, distributed brain tissue, a whole extra braincase;
anything was possible. The point was to kill him good. On the kitchen table she
arrayed Freddie's stun gun, a spray bottle of 7 molar D-Con rat poison, a
ten-pound maglight, the trench knife.
Bonito was expendable now.
She'd realized it since Freddie had soaked the NYNEX
mainframe. The CANDY account had given them only a thin sliver of connection to
Bonito. Now they had him cold. Freddie could compile a history of his
movements, his phone calls, his finances; somewhere in the ocean of data had
to be a trail that led to another polymorph. Even if every lead turned up dry,
she could still wait in his house, with his face. Sooner or later, some
polymorph friend of his would come by.
She didn't need him to find the rest of her kind. He
was in the way.
The thought calmed her pain.
She was contemplating the array of weapons when
Freddie came back.
"Jesus," he said, surveying the table.
"Got a stake?"
"No. Get the gun?"
He pulled it out of the crumpled paper bag in his
hand. It was about thirty centimeters long, with a snub nose and a magazine
grip that was longer than the gun itself. There was a spare magazine taped
upside down on the grip.
"Two hundred and forty bucks," said Freddie.
"Totally ridiculous.
Little shits tried to tell me it was Israeli. Israeli, my ass! Fucking Zairois
copy of a Chinese police pistol. I hate this town."
She picked it up.
"How does it work?"
"Point it and pull the trigger. Pull it light and
it shoots one bullet. Pull it harder and it goes fully automatic. For about two
seconds, that is. Then it runs out of bullets."
It was improbably light. The barrel was just wide
enough to stick a pencil into. She held it by the grip, her finger on the
trigger. An illicit thrill leapt through her.
"There a safety catch?"
"No."
She took her finger off the trigger. "I like
it," she said.
"It's yours. I hate guns."
"How come you know so much about this one,
then?"
" 'Cause I'm a boy."
She stood and found that the gun fit into the pocket
of her coverall. "Let's go."
Chapter 12
VICTIM
They cabbed to Tompkins Square Park. The tops of its
few remaining trees were bright with the setting sun. There was a trace of
coolness in the air. A breeze stirred foul smells from the park as they walked
past. There were sounds of activity inside, shouts and the pop of a police
radio.
They passed a bar she knew at Seventh and B. She
wondered if Bonito had ever unknowingly exchanged a glance with her there. Her
hands in her pockets, she clutched the pistol's grip. The pain in her stomachs
had turned into a sickly fear. Freddie looked pretty nervous himself. He had
taken the trench knife from the backpack of weapons and pocketed it.
Bonito's house was on the south side of Sixth, between
Avenues B and C. It was a three-story redbrick building, an old church. On an
ancient sign above a basement door were the words "Loisaida Living
Center." The building seemed abandoned. The windows were dark. The closest
streetlight had been shot out.
A door at street level was the only part of the
building that seemed kept up. It was a meter and a half wide, jacketed with
smooth, black HARD plastic. Beside it was a large and graffitied card reader.
There was no buzzer.
Freddie whipped his card through the reader, waited a
moment, then swept it through again. The access light clicked green. Freddie
smirked and started to say something. Then, with a whir, the card reader split
down a central seam to reveal a retina scanner.
"Shit," said Freddie. "Serious about
security, isn't he?"
"Can you hack it?" she asked.
"Maybe with my Sony and some extra hardware, say
about a thousand dollars' worth."
"Fuck."
"Probably should download the manual for the scanner
off the net and spend a couple of days reading it, though."
"I will take that as a no,"
she
said, stepping back to view the building again. An accordion roll of razor wire
snaked its way around the building between the first and second floors. Loiter
spikes glittered on every window ledge. She wished that her control over her
body extended to retinal patterns.
"You sure you disabled the alarm system?"
she asked.
"For all intents, yes."
"I'm gonna climb in, then."
"Are you nuts?"
She ignored him and jumped the fence beside the
building. There was a narrow dirt path between Bonito's house and the
community garden next door. The lowest tier of the fire escape was about five
meters overhead. She looked around to see if anyone was watching, and then she
jumped.
Her fingers grasped air the first time, a few centimeters
short. Freddie whistled at the height of her jump. She smirked at him. She had
done much better. Concentrating, she made it easily the second time.
As her fingers closed on the edge of the escape, she
gasped with pain. She fought the impulse to let go and hauled herself up. As
her head cleared the edge of the escape she saw that it glittered with broken
glass set into mortar. She rolled onto the escape and looked at her hands. They
were lacerated and bloody, but fundamentally sound. Stopping the bleeding was
easy. She paused to reconstruct a muscle in her right index finger and
released another measure of morphine to fight the pain.
Sitting up, she waved to Freddie. It had grown too
dark for him to see the blood.
At the next landing up the escape, the windows were
boarded over. Behind the weathered wood and dirty glass, she saw a hinged metal
gate. It was certainly weaker than the HARD plastic front door, but she didn't
think she could kick it in. She climbed another level, to the top of the
escape.
There was no wood here, just window glass and another
metal gate. She took off her sneaker and beat the glass in. It was new and double-paned,
webbing for a moment like safety glass before it shattered and fell through the
gate. She wrenched the window frame out. In her haze of pain and morphine
analog, she ignored the border of broken glass that ringed it. The slats of the
gate were spaced too tightly to let her hand through. On the side opposite its
hinges, a panel of solid metal was welded to it. On the panel's other side
would be the fire safety release. She closed her eyes.
The change inflamed the pain in her gut, turning it
from a dull, even throb to fiery agony. She pushed one of the tightly threaded
cords of muscles in her right hand through a rent in the skin, forming a short,
grotesque tentacle, strong but only dully sensory. It had a patch of skin at
its end, but the length of muscle itself was nerveless. When it was formed, she
lay on the escape and gasped. Unlike the pain from injuring her hands, the
agony of changing wasn't affected by the morphine analog. The high was a
distraction, but it didn't push the torment out of her mind.
After a minute, she had recovered enough to push her
tentacle between two of the slats. She probed the other side of the metal
panel. The lock was a dead-bolt. She wrapped her tentacle around it tightly and
twisted. It turned, and the lock opened. The gate pushed open.
With her left hand, she drew the pistol. She changed
again, pulling the muscle harshly back into her right index finger. It only
took a few moments, and she ignored the agony of it.
The room smelled of dust. There was an overstuffed
chair and a short couch, its cushions threadbare and shapeless. It looked like
furniture found on the street. She paused at a crowded bookshelf. The anatomy
texts were familiar. The collection included a leather-bound Gray's. There were
also technical anatomical journals, hole-punched and organized by year into
blue binders. One shelf was devoted to works on vivisection.
The door of the room opened onto a dark hallway.
Pausing to adjust her eyes, she leveled the pistol before her. The other rooms
on the top floor were similarly appointed: old furniture, books, one bed with
a phone beside it. The windows of the rooms were all gated, letting in only
thin ribbons of the streetlights' sharp orange glow.
The stairs creaked as she descended, but she took them
quickly. If Bonito were here, he would have heard her by now. Intuitively, she
knew he was gone. The house was too still to harbor a presence like his.
On the second floor, she found Sean.
Unlike the shabby upstairs, this floor had been renovated.
It was all one room, the floors finished in industrial gray plastic. The walls
were crowded with file cabinets, a workstation, rotating files, a glass-fronted
stainless-steel cabinet filled with surgical instruments.
At the center of the room was a steel table, high and
wide, covered with butcher's paper. Sean was there, her wrists and ankles bound
by calf-leather restraints. She was naked, dead.
He had opened her up.
A tray beside the table still held his instruments.
They were the tools of a pathologist: a surgical handsaw, a laser pencil, a
rotary scalpel; all meant for a corpse. But Sean was very tightly bound.
Lee realized that Bonito had also grown tired of
monomorph anatomy lessons. At some point in the past, he had learned all he
could from cadavers.
There was a long table beside his workstation. On it
were arrayed Sean's vital organs in Ziplocs. They gave off the bright smell of
embalming fluid. A digital camera on a tripod surveyed them.
She felt Sean's face. There was some warmth left in
the dry skin. The incisions in her torso and limbs had a bright sheen; fixative
had been sprayed to keep them sterile and bloodless. The surgical work was neat
and precise. Her fingertips had been burned off, probably to keep the body
anonymous when it was dumped. A patch of blackened skin in the corner of one
closed eye implied that Bonito had taken the same precaution with her retinas.
Lee turned away, a shudder rising at last.
One of the filing cabinets was wooden, older than the
others. She opened it with her eyes closed, a little afraid of what might be
inside. The smell of old paper reassured her. It was crammed with spiral-bound
scrapbooks. She opened one. Bonito's handwriting was almost illegibly small,
but as precise as his surgical technique. The entries were dated as far back as
the 1960s. She realized that Bonito was older than he looked. He might be very
old indeed.
As she flipped through the scrapbook, it tended to
open onto pages where mementos were glued. There were newspaper articles,
photographs, a missing-person flyer. Most of the photographs were posed studies
of faces. Had Bonito recorded his various guises, or had victims unwittingly
sat for him? The articles mostly seemed to be profiles of the wealthy and
powerful. A few, however, concerned unsolved mutilations, unidentified bodies.
One page was filled with a study in aging Polaroids, set in a surgery far
cruder than the one around her, a suburban garage. The victim was a young boy,
maybe eleven or twelve. Nobody particularly wealthy or powerful.
None of the notebooks was more recent than the late
1980s. She closed the cabinet and went to the workstation. Its power light was
on. It had an old qwerty keyboard, and the monitor brightened at the touch of a
key. The screen filled with a digitized photograph. It was Sean's tattoo.
There was an eyemouse monocle next to the keyboard.
She clipped it to the bridge of her nose and quit-blinked. The screen cleared
and then filled with thumbnails, other photographs of Sean. She chose one at
random. It was a video of an exposed leg muscle flexing, visible through a long
incision. Another: Sean's hand, spasmodically twisting to some unseen
stimulus. Another: a still photograph of the same hand, flayed with the inhuman
precision of a laser pencil set wide and low. They were cold, technical pieces
of work. There was nothing desirous in the
camera's gaze. They looked more like medical documentation than snuff quicktimes.
She was glad there was no audio.
She quit-blinked a few times, finding her way out to
Bonito's desktop. It was a fast machine, better than Freddie's system. There
was a lot of storage space. She searched the drive for askies. They were all together,
eleven megs of text files in a volume called "BONITO." She smiled
grimly at his egotism.
She directoried the askies by date. One or two files
had been created each day since 2/1/1989. It was the continuation of his
journal. She opened a file at random.
Finally got up my nerve today.
Waited for an hour by the exit ramp off FDR. The car was small, only doing
about sixty. Had started to do it four or five times, but lost my nerve as each
car rushed toward me. Cars are far more powerful than I had given them credit
for. Finally, I gave myself until noon to do it. At 11:51 (exactly: my watch
was crushed) I jumped.
Made sure there were no head
injuries, but my guts were a mess. It came again. The shock of massive trauma
brought it to me. I could mold myself so easily. This was better than the
bullet.
She shuddered in fascination. There would be plenty of
time to read these after Bonito was dead, but she couldn't pull herself away
from the screen.
The important question was, Did Bonito really know
other polymorphs? She was almost afraid, now that his secrets were lined up
before her, that he had been lying, that they were alone in the world.
She called up a search dialog and stared at it for a
few minutes, thinking. Then she reached out to the old qwerty board and typed
the word us.
The machine's drive access was almost silent, just a
breath of sound. Then a window opened. A paragraph was highlighted:
There are
fewer of us
than I would have thought. Fully one percent of humans have the
organelle. It seems that most simply aren't smart enough to use it. If not
developed in childhood, the change apparently cannot be learned, even under the
greatest duress.
She smiled. There were other polymorphs. Bonito had
found them. She blinked for another search.
Apparently,
most of us don't
begin to change until age six or seven. Again, I am
exceptional. I was shifting my entire body at an age when most of us can only
manipulate an isolated area.
Six or seven years old. She hadn't started making
faces until she was eight. She wondered when Bonito had started. What would it
do to someone, to be able to change so early, before identity had been defined
at all?
She'd once read that most serial killers shared a
childhood profile: as children, they had been moved among many different foster
parents. Bonito had gone one better. He had moved among different bodies.
Perhaps he was not so much warped as absent, never having taken time to form
inside a formless vessel, his humanity so thoroughly lacking that he had
nothing left to miss it with.
She continued to read.
************************************
A pounding below interrupted her. She realized that in
her fascination she'd forgotten Freddie. He probably thought the worst by now.
She took the stairs quickly.
Something was hitting the HARD plastic door hard.
Freddie must have picked up an iron pipe. She yelled, "Wait a
minute."
The controls on this side were simple. She pressed a
large green button, and the door sighed and clicked as a series of bolts slid.
It burst open.
There were three suits before her, riot tasers leveled
at her head. Behind them, another pair of suits aimed real guns. A couple of
long black limos were pulled onto the curb at hasty angles. Freddie was nowhere
in sight.
She dropped the pistol.
One of the suits said,
"Where is she?"
She realized that she was
wearing Bonito's face. They were here to find Sean.
"She's upstairs."
Chapter 13
JERSEY
Once they hit the Florio Memorial Traffic Grid, the
limousine drove itself.
There were three suits in the car. One was in the back
with her, holding a taser wand a centimeter from her throat. She had decided
not to dare the taser. She'd seen what had happened to Bonito when he'd been
hit by Freddie's stun gun. When the car took over, the suit who had been
driving turned around and kept watch, relieving the other suit in front, who
rubbed his shoulder and bitched about his neck. They lacked the easy confidence
she had seen in King's personal guards. Maybe they were second-tier security,
or perhaps they were just spooked. She figured they'd seen the video of her
killing Sean's guard. And they had seen Sean's body.
It was in the other limo.
They hadn't gotten Freddie. He must have faded as the
two big cars pulled up. Smart boy. In retrospect, it had only been a matter of
time before King's men tracked down Bonito. The suit guarding Sean either
hadn't reported in on schedule or had been carrying some sort of deadman
switch. However it worked, Americorp security knew that she'd killed him. The
camera by the door must have been recording. And they'd taken only a little
longer than Freddie to find Bonito's address.
Actually, she'd done a pretty good job of framing Bonito.
Unfortunately, he wasn't around to take the rap.
When they hit the artificial wetlands outside of New
Brunswick, she panicked for a moment. Maybe they were just going to shoot her
and dump her here. She calmed herself. This wasn't the Mafia getting revenge.
This was refined, big-corporation security, who, more than anything else,
wanted to know who the hell she was. And Freddie had said that Americorp
headquarters was in New Jersey.
It was dark. She closed her eyes, settling back into
cool leather, and focused on calming herself. The pain in her abdomen had
lessened briefly in Bonito's surgery, her fascination having driven it away.
Now it was back, dulled but just as persistent. During the long drive, she had
formed a small organ to synthesize a steady dose of the morphine analog. It
countered the pain and let her mind skim the mortality of her position, but
fear would occasionally shoot through her, vibrant in the bright colors of her intoxication.
She was worried about the pain. If she came
face-to-face with Ed King, changing would be the only way to convince him that
she wasn't Bonito. But she had never pushed herself this far before. The pain
might mean she was near crippling herself. Another shift in her body would
tell. So she waited and tried to relax.
************************************
She awoke when the car slowed, exiting the highway
down a long tree-lined private road. After a few kilometers, they reached a
steel gate flanked by guard boxes. The red eye of a scanner flickered across a
bar code on the windshield, and they were waved past. Another kilometer farther
on, a building rose out of artfully engineered rolling hills.
She was reminded of the shopping mall many years
before. The building was long and low, white in bright halogen floodlights.
There were few windows, the walls featurelessly blank. As they drove around to
the building's rear, a moire of cables shifted above it, a vast microwave
antenna array. The parking lot was almost empty of cars, but a small group of
men waited in a floodlit turnaround. The limousine was still driving itself as
it pulled into its parking space.
Her door was opened for her. The night air was cooler
here. An insect buzz came from the dark trees around them. There were perhaps
ten people in the waiting group, a wheeled stretcher among them. No one spoke. She
recognized King, flanked in a doorway by his two guards from the opera. He
didn't look at her. He was watching the other limousine. When it rounded the
corner, lights off, every head turned. It slid into place as neatly as if
driven by a ghost. Two suits got out from the front seat and moved away from
it.
King and his guards stepped out into the light, and
the suits around her stiffened. One took her arm.
When they reached the other limo, one of the guards
raised a remote and the back window slid down. A light went on inside.
King leaned into the window. He reached one hand in,
briefly. Then he pulled himself out and turned away. There was a brief
conference that she couldn't hear over the buzz of cicadas. Then King nodded
and they went to the trunk of the limo. One of the suits opened it, shining a
flashlight. King stared inside, his face transfixed. There was a long pause and
the suits began to fidget. A distant helicopter flew over. Faces looked
nervously upward.
Finally, King turned away from the trunk and walked
back to the door. He went inside without even having glanced in her direction.
Once he and his guards were gone, the suits went into
motion as if released from a spell. Three of them walked her toward a large
service door painted with red stripes. Over her shoulder, she saw the others
pulling on tight plastic gloves. As she and her escorts entered the building,
the squeak of the stretcher's wheels came from behind her.
************************************
The room they put her in was not a cell. A conference
table dominated it, ringed with brown chairs that gave off a heady smell of
leather. In front of each chair was a telepresence projector. She'd seen one
before, used to pipe a distance-learning lecturer from San Francisco into a
Hunter classroom. A wide projection well was at the center of the long oval
table, and two of the walls were screens. There was also an easel holding a
large pad of drawing paper. Ed King and his pen-based technology.
A window ran the length of the room, and she'd
considered putting a chair through it. But it would be bulletproof at least,
and the door was teak, magnificent and impenetrable. So she sat in a chair, one hand on the table,
drifting in and out of a morphine dream.
It was still dark outside when the table booted. It
was a subtle effect—a hum felt through her fingertips, a glow in the central
projection well. It woke her instantly. Backlighting for the controls in her chair's armrest flickered on.
Across the table, one of the telepresence projectors
activated. A wash of static filled the chair opposite her, resolving into Ed
King. He was wearing a gray suit, his tie loosened slightly. He looked tired.
"Who are you?" he said.
"My legal name is Milica Raznakovic." He frowned,
and she spelled it for him. He looked into the middle distance for a moment,
and then back to her.
"That's a false identity. Handicapped Serb
refugee, my ass."
"That is correct. I use
it for welfare purposes."
"So who are you
really?"
She paused, struck by the
complexity of the issue.
He frowned again. "Just
tell me this: Who do you work for?"
"No one. I'm on welfare."
There was a long moment of silence. Then he spoke,
cold as ice. "I am doing this myself because you are, or seemed to be, a
friend of Sean's. I have professional interrogators at my disposal."
"No doubt." She sighed.
"Why did you kill Mark Andrews?"
"The guard at Sean's loft?"
He nodded.
"That was an accident. I had to talk to Sean. I
was trying to save her." She paused. "I guess I didn't do too well at
that."
He snorted. "Sean's fine. I just spoke with
her."
"Sean's fine? Who do you think that was in
the trunk?"
He seemed to suppress a shudder. "We aren't sure
what that is yet. I was going to ask you. As you know, it's a close approximation
of Sean, without retinas or fingerprints, but with Sean's DNA."
"A close approximation! It's got her DNA,
dumb-ass!"
She was shouting now. "Who do you think it is, her long-lost twin
sister?"
He looked at her unflinchingly. "It's some kind
of accelerated clone. Obviously, you were going to fake her death and provide a
body. But you weren't finished. You hadn't gotten around to constructing fingerprints
or retinas yet. Our question is, Why?"
She put her head in her hands. Missing the forest for
the trees was too limp a metaphor. King was missing the devil for the flames.
"Sean is dead."
"I just talked to her," he said.
She looked up into his eyes. Even in the limited
resolution of telepresence, she could see the certainty there. He was afraid to
know the truth.
She tried anyway. "What you talked to was a . . .
doppelganger."
"A doppelganger? How quaint."
"It won't be very quaint when it gets through
being Sean and decides to doppelgang you."
He rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous. I just
talked to Sean, and she's on her way here."
She groaned.
"The person on his
way
here is Bonito. He can change himself into any form. I know, because I can
change myself too."
A look passed across King's face, as if he was considering
for the first time that she might be insane. His hand moved toward an invisible
object, a cutoff switch on the other side of the line.
"Maybe we should talk later," he said.
"Wait!" she shouted, and he hesitated for a
moment. Her mind raced for the statement that could hold him for a few more
minutes.
"I was—"
she started, paused, and then it came to her. "The last singer, in
Wilson's opera, she didn't really have to escape. It was a discrepancy."
King looked at her silently. His hand remained motionless,
halfway to the invisible switch.
Despite her panic, her thinking was hazy. Memories of
the night before formed slowly. Then, a snatch of their conversation found her
lips, verbatim.
"Mr. King, she was just sick of the whole
thing." Her accent was the same, but the voice was still Bonito's. She
gathered enough strength to shift her vocal cords.
His hand withdrew from the switch.
She continued, in the voice she had used as Wilson.
"That's why she flew away. Like I said, there was really no discrepancy at
all. She was just sick of it."
He looked down. "I guess I still don't
understand. The opera, I mean." He looked at her again, his eyes intense
even in the imperfect resolution. "What the fuck are you?"
"I don't know, Mr. King."
They stared at each other for another moment.
"We know you're different," he said.
"Your heart rate is abnormally slow, your blood pressure way too low. We
thought it was the drug."
She gave him a startled look.
"The room you are in is designed for meetings
with representatives of other companies. It is elaborately equipped to record
what goes on in those meetings. The chair you're sitting in can take your heart
rate, body temperature, blood pressure, can measure and analyze your sweat. We
know you're on some kind of opiate. It's rampant in your perspiration. If you
put your hand on the table, I can even tell you if you're lying."
She rested one hand, palm down, before her.
"Sean is dead," she said.
He looked away for a moment, at something in the room
with him. His eyes did not change.
"When the drug wears off, we can get a more accurate
reading."
She put her head in her hands.
"One more thing," he said after a pause.
"Did you kill Hillary Wilson?"
She could see the question in the air. She blinked her
eyes and it disappeared. A sudden hallucination. "No . . . yes ... by accident."
Strangely, he nodded as if accepting her answer.
"I'm sorry I never actually met her."
"I'm sorry I did."
King looked away from her suddenly, into the middle
distance at the other end of the connection.
"Sean's here." He
stood, his head grotesquely attenuated by the upper limit of the projection
area.
"It's not Sean," she
said, but he was gone.
The table stepped down, went
dark.
He hadn't seen the forest.
Chapter 14
TEETH
An hour later, she decided to
sleep.
The phones in the chair armrests were all dead. She'd
pushed the hard icons on all the control panels in the room. There was no
response, no way to get a line out.
She curled up on the thick shag under the table, the
fetal position containing and comforting the pain in her gut. It didn't even
feel like pain anymore. It was an insistent presence, but it didn't hurt. It
was an intrusion, like the dull bass throb from a stereo in another apartment.
But it had no pulse, did not change. It seemed to be waiting.
Finally, she slept despite it.
************************************
She woke to fear.
Someone was in the room. Not telepresent but standing
at the open door. It closed, quietly. The intruder's feet looked like a
woman's. They walked to the table and halfway around it. Lee remained silent,
letting adrenaline build slowly in her, trying to keep control.
Then the woman knelt. It was Sean's face, close in the
darkness below the table.
"Well, hello there." Bonita's smile hadn't
changed.
Suddenly, the space under the table seemed horrifyingly
small. Lee rolled out, away from Bonita. They both stood, across the table from
each other.
Lee screamed. It was piercing and inhumanly loud. She
took a ragged breath and reformed her larynx slightly, then screamed again,
louder still.
Bonita smiled.
"Darling, please. Aren't you glad to see me? It's
been so long. And I hardly had time to get to know you."
Lee filled her lungs, expanding them flush against the
limits of her rib cage, and screamed again. Her larynx was torn by the cry.
Someone must have heard.
Bonita put a finger to her chin. "You know, I'm
reminded of Oscar Wilde. 'We can bear the absence of old friends for years at a
time, but to be separated even for a few moments from those we have just met is
agony.' " She said the last word with bared teeth. "Or something like
that." She shrugged.
Lee tried to scream again but lost control of her
breathing. She began to cough—deep, brutal spasms from the bottom of her lungs.
Someone must have heard.
"And we really have
just
met."
Lee slowly regained her breath. She spat into one of
the leather chairs. Her lungs were under control now, but she couldn't scream
again. She turned her concentration to her hands. A fire built in them,
branching from the palms toward the fingertips.
"Good. That's enough noise. After all, this is
the Americorp boardroom. It's built for privacy. You could drill the other side
of that window with a jack-hammer, and you wouldn't hear a thing in here.
That's what Eddy said, anyway. He's been bragging that he thought of sticking
you in here. I guess they don't have a proper Americorp dungeon. I'll have to
fix that, won't I?" Bonita smirked. "In any case, this little talk
will be very private." Her eyes were filled with delight.
Lee cleared her throat and spoke, her voice breaking
raggedly. "Fuck you."
Bonita leaned forward, hands flat against the table.
"Say please."
Lee felt the change realize, cartilage extending out
from each finger, sharpening. She smiled back at Bonita and cleared her throat
again. "Come and get it, bitch."
Bonita moved a second before the words were out. There
was no flicker of warning, no slight drop to show that her knees had bent. Just
a smooth, effortless bound over the table. Lee watched her reaction from a
strange remove, morphine, adrenaline, and instinct making a distant spectacle
of it. She threw one hand between them, a sideways blow that sliced across
Bonita's neck. The newly formed claws opened up the flesh, and blood spouted
from Bonita's jugular.
Bonita struck her with arms outstretched, the full
force of her bound behind the blow. Lee was thrown back against the window, the
breath knocked out of her. Then Bonita was upon her, a terrible force pinning
her chest and limbs.
Bonita's face was only a few centimeters away. Blood
spurted from the torn flesh for a few slow heartbeats. It soaked through Lee's
coverall, warm against her skin. Bonita giggled, the sound bubbling in her
throat.
In seconds, the wound had healed
itself.
Bonita forced them toward the floor. Her body, sized
to Sean's petite frame, seemed to weigh too much. They slid together down the
window, smearing blood behind them, Lee's legs powerless to keep her standing.
Her arms were crushed against her sides. Her claws
flexed uselessly. She closed her eyes and tried to focus for another change.
The fire came quickly, caressing the muscles and bone of her jaw. She made her
teeth longer and sharper than she ever had before, extending the canines until
she tasted the salty warmth of her own blood, then hardened the tissue inside
her mouth until the bleeding stopped.
They had reached the floor. Bonita's body was wrapped
around her like an octopus. Their faces were close, Bonita's breath hot. Lee
felt a warm, tender kiss on her cheek, then another on her closed mouth. The
kisses were slow and long, Bonita's lips wet and throbbing. The lips were
inhumanly prehensile, pulsating with a wormlike inner motion as they caressed
her neck.
Eyes still closed, Lee turned her face toward the
lips, responding as well as her stiffened facial skin would allow. The kisses
became heavier. Lee parted her lips and felt a long, hot tongue venture into
her mouth. She suppressed a gag as it slipped deep into her throat.
She bit.
Bonita's body stiffened. Lee turned her head to the
side, tearing out the last few strands of muscle and spitting the tongue out,
gagging. It had writhed, disconnected, for a moment in her mouth. Lee turned
back to Bonita and realized with horror that her face was beatific: eyes
closed, the picture of pleasure, blood dripping from one corner of her mouth.
Lee felt panic take her. She thrashed her limbs in a useless frenzy and
strained her head forward to bite Bonita's face. Her fangs found purchase in
the cheek, tearing another mouthful of flesh.
Bonita's eyes opened as she screamed and rose from the
floor. She stumbled back, one hand over the gaping hole in her face, and fell
into a chair beside the conference table.
Lee sprang to her feet, claws and fangs ready.
Bonita's body was like a fluid, reforming in some
liquid dance almost too fast to see. It shifted from a bulky, indefinite mass
to a long-limbed creature. Lee took a step back as it moved forward. Bonito's
fist swung out, in an inhumanly fast roundhouse, and struck the side of her
face. There was a moment of blackout, and Lee felt herself falling.
She came to as Bonita lifted her from the floor. Her
vision blurred at the sight of Bonita's ghastly ruin of a face.
The words were slurred. "You're so predictable,
and I love you for it." Blood sprayed with every syllable. Bonita seemed
to be weakening. Her eyes were glassy. Lee shook herself free and stepped back,
her head still reeling.
Bonita was pulling her own shirt off.
Lee tried to thrust a claw toward Bonita's throat, but
her arms didn't respond. Bonita easily parried the blow and shoved her
backward. Lee was thrown onto the table, her head snapping back to hit the hard
wood. The pain was a white light in her brain. Her morphine organ shifted into
full gear, out of control. Her head began to swim with hallucinations, and she
gave herself a rush of adrenaline and endorphins to keep her mind together.
She felt Bonita cover her again. She was powerless to
resist. Bonita pulled her limbs akimbo, holding her wrists with steely hands,
her ankles in prehensile, grasping talons. A coarse tentacle wound itself
around her neck, tightening just enough to brighten the pain in her head. Lee
could open only one eye. The other was shut by swelling from Bonita's blow. Lee
felt other extremities at work, ripping her coverall apart unhurriedly. One of
her cheeks seemed to have a hole in it, torn by her own fangs when Bonita had
struck her.
Bonita's facial wound still gaped, but the bleeding
had stopped. Her skin was ghastly white, as though she had withdrawn the blood
flow from her face entirely. Lee could glimpse bone through the hole.
She thrust upward to bite again, but the tentacle
whipped her head back against the table. It stayed tight for a few moments,
until red clouds formed at the edges of her vision. It relaxed before she
passed out.
"No, darling, I want you awake," came the
slurred words.
As Lee gasped for breath, she felt something. It was
subtle, at the threshold of awareness. The table was purring beneath them. She
turned her head toward the projection well, and the tentacle reflexively
tightened. Before redness clouded her vision again, she saw a faint glow in the
well. The table had booted.
Bonita was oblivious to it. She had pressed her body
against Lee, her face as white as death. Lee could see that the tentacle around
her neck emerged from Bonita's chest. Another had formed between his legs. He
had stripped, and Lee's clothes lay in rags around her.
The penetration came, oddly tentative. The member was
thin, sinuous, ribbed like a cheap bodega condom. She felt its corded length
slip slowly into her, then branch into distinct threads. They probed her with a
strange tenderness, growing finer as they split and split again, exploring ever
wider as if to exhaust the spaces inside her. She wrenched her vaginal muscles
trying to expel the tentacle, but it was too strong.
Lee's face and head throbbed from their injuries, and
she closed her eyes and focused her pain into her groin. She began to
strengthen her vagina, stealing muscle from her thighs, her back, impressing
into sinew the flesh of her buttocks. She took shards of bone from her pelvis
and began to set them into the hard new muscles.
Bonito's flowering cock slid forth nervous tissue. It
began to fuse with Lee's nerves, first in her vagina, then penetrating deeper;
her stomachs, solar plexus, spinal column. As his nervous pattern imprinted itself
on hers, she began to feel Bonito's pleasure. It was wholly unlike the glow of
her morphine buzz or any sexual pleasure she had ever felt. It was as flat and
sharp as an Arctic wind; it blew across a broad and empty place. In the mind's
eye of her morphine fugue, she was vividly there, in his pleasure. It was
intense, brutal, barren.
He was working his own change inside her. The
disaggregated cock had merged into a few strands, which forced their way
farther inside her. They reached for her solar plexus, the seat of her pain.
Somehow, he had taken control of her body. Her abdominal organs shifted aside
as his cock approached its goal.
For a moment, the change in her groin was stalled. She
fought his advance, straining to weave more muscles around the base of his
cock. But his intrusion surged forward again, deep enough to interfere with her
breathing, and the change was halted.
He reached his goal inside her. His branching cocks
grasped the ball of her pain like fingers. The nervous connection expanded,
until she could feel him from the inside, a ghost body on top of hers, like the
phantom of an amputated limb. She felt his hot, corrupt breath on her face
again. Against her will, her eyes opened.
"Live inside me," the dead face said. His
cock's grasp tightened and began to draw her out. She would die now, she knew.
Trying to speak seemed to mean nothing. Her awareness
of her own body was diminishing. The ghost sensation of Bonito became stronger.
She felt his chill pleasure increase, rising toward orgasm.
Her hands clenched, fighting the pleasure. The claws
cut into her palms. She focused her will on them, commanding them to close
tighter, to wound her deeper. She felt him feel the pain, and they gasped
together.
For a moment, she found her own voice.
"Stop him. He's killing me," she whispered.
Bonito's eyes opened. There was a look of suspicion
in their glassy depths.
The door slid open. She closed her own eyes, saw
through Bonito's. Two men with guns, leveled at his head. One started to say
something.
Bonito screamed.
She felt the scream bubble up from his throat, rising
from an organ between larynx and glottis, a mutated voice box of supertaut
folds. Bonito's ears closed as it began, and hers did so instinctively, but
still the screech was deafening, punishing. Its effect on the guards was
paralytic. One went to his knees, the other fell as he tried to back out of the
room. She had once heard a FEMA cruiser let loose a paralyzing blast from its
crowd-control siren during the riots. In the close and soundproofed room,
Bonito's scream was exponentially more disabling.
But for a moment, she was free.
The new muscles in her vagina pulled tight with
wrenching force, their leverage against her pelvis threatening to snap it. The
shards of bone she had teethed them with cut hard into Bonito's cock, tearing
at its knotted flesh. His pain doubled back through their nervous connection.
It was blinding, shattering, and she reveled in it, pulling her muscles
tighter.
His scream had cut short with her first contraction,
dying on his lips with a startled gag. She opened her eyes. Above her, his
mouth was still wide. In it, fangs
were forming, long and sharp, his jaw slackening as its bone was hurriedly
depleted for them. The tentacle around her throat uncoiled and wrapped around
her head, slamming sideways to expose her neck to his bite.
She wrenched herself with one final contraction. The
feedback of his pain stopped. The connection, his control, was cut. His cock
was sundered.
At the same moment, a spray of bullets hit his head.
The gun was less than a meter from him, firing again and again. His skull
shattered, he was thrown off her onto the floor.
The man was one of King's guards from the opera. His
face was ashen. He dropped the gun and put a hand on her shoulder.
"My God," he said.
She fought to speak, feeling air and blood escape from
the hole in her cheek.
"Listen," she whispered.
She grasped his arm and pulled him closer, forced her
tongue to move. "He's still alive."
His eyes widened, and he was pulled from her grasp,
disappearing below the edge of the table. His screams seemed sadly faint after
Bonito's paralyzing screech.
She sat up. Her abdomen felt bloated with Bonito's
riven cock. She grasped the gun. It was like the one Freddie had given her, but
the magazine was longer. The other guard had fled. Somewhere, an alarm was
ringing.
The struggle under the table hadn't lasted long.
She found she could pull herself into a kneeling
position. The alarm cut off, and it was eerily silent. She jerked her head one
way and then another, trying to see in all directions. The room began to spin
in a waltz of pain, morphine, and adrenaline.
Then, at the head of the table, Ed King resolved into
focus.
"More help is on the way," he said calmly.
She clenched her wounded cheek shut with angry teeth
and said, "Thanks for the timely rescue, shithead."
"I thought it might reveal itself
to you. I just wanted to know why Sean
died."
She spat blood and started to speak, but he interrupted.
"It's moving toward your right."
Two tentacles came over the table edge, long and spined
with cartilaginous teeth. She pulled the trigger again and again as they
scuttled toward her, chips flying from the dark wood of the table. One tentacle
split as a bullet hit it and drew back, broken. The other wrapped around her
waist, its hooked thorns tearing her flesh. She didn't resist. She threw
herself over the side toward it, clutching the pistol.
Bonito had repaired his face enough to show surprise
when she landed beside him. He had normal arms as well as his tentacles, a
taser wand in one. The right side of his mouth was still fanged, but the left
had been shattered. His head was lopsided, half blown away.
She didn't waste time with his head. She put four
bullets into his chest, just to push him away. He dropped the taser.
She pointed the gun at his solar plexus, at the place
he had reached for inside her, and squeezed the trigger hard. It went fully
automatic.
************************************
When help arrived, she was bent over his bloody form,
recharging the taser wand and thrusting it into his wounds one by one.
Chapter 15
ambulance
She didn't dare pass out.
The concussions were bad enough to kill her. She dealt
with them slowly and surely, after she'd stopped all the external bleeding she
could find. King had told the paramedics not to touch her.
She was in an Americorp limo, headed toward a Jersey
City hospital. At first she had hallucinated that Freddie was beside her. But
it was another man, old for a paramedic, who held her hand as she healed
herself. His eyes were glassy with shock. He must have seen the boardroom.
She laughed softly to herself. She was reducing her
morphine level slowly but was still hopped up. She now realized that at some
point during her battle with Bonito, she'd had a mild overdose.
The new muscles in her vagina took only minutes to
force the remains of Bonito's cock out. Repairing her groin, she discovered a
hairline fracture in her pelvis from the stress of her final contraction. Two
ribs had been broken at some point, and several teeth were missing from her
mouth, snapped off in their thinned and sharpened state.
The internal organs of her abdomen were a mess.
Bonito's efforts there had been even more brutal than she'd realized. One
stomach was collapsed, her spinal column was low on fluid, and the walls of
her vagina and uterus were badly torn.
But the changes came with an ease she'd never known
before. The fierce pain of change had been replaced by a fluidness, her body shifting
facilely beneath the bloody sheet across her. The damage she'd sustained
didn't lessen the pleasure her new powers brought her. She was lightened by the
realization that her body meant nothing. What was it Bonito had written? The
shock of massive trauma brought it to me. She lay there, exploring the
splendid mobility of organs and tissues, the exquisite arbitrariness of form.
This is what Bonito had found, or had always possessed: a pristine detachment
from the trauma of discarding oneself.
And finally, there was respite from the pain in her
gut. It was as if the hot center of change at her solar plexus had exploded,
spreading throughout her body. In its absence, a coolness covered her mind,
like a blanket of snow.
By the time they reached the hospital, she was fit
enough to make a run for it. They had to use a taser to bring her down. The
shock shot through her deliriously, and she laughed as they wheeled her to her
room.
DOWN
She changed in the shower.
As he dried himself, he realized how good it was to be
back at Freddie's. The dingy bathroom was a pleasure after the antiseptic
hospital suite. It felt like home.
The coarse fabric of the towel across his back brought
a twinge, a sense-memory of the spinal tap she'd been subjected to a few days
before. Americorp's physicians had tested her mercilessly for two weeks: CAT
scans, sonograms, fiber-optic insertions. She had carefully controlled what
they withdrew from her, even during the spinal tap, and had destroyed the nanomachines
they'd slipped into her body. Of course, they didn't really need her. They had
what was left of Bonito.
He shuddered. On a walk in the hospital corridors,
limited to Americorp's private wing, she had encountered a dolly stacked with
cryostasis canisters, misting like dry ice. They could have been anything— plasma,
transplant-ready organs, a superconducting coil. But for a moment she had
imagined the line of Bonito's jaw, his green eyes. The newsnets were full of Americorp's
big new push, a shift away from information services to biotechnology.
He stepped from the bathroom, a little nervous about
Freddie's reaction to the change.
Freddie sat at his new workstation, visor over his
eyes, his frame sparkling with the nodes of a full-body input suit. A million
dollars bought a lot of toys. The cash had arrived by FedEx the day she got
home from the hospital. The return address was in Belize; black money from one of Americorp's offshore
operations, Freddie had guessed. There was no thank-you note.
Lee suspected it wasn't thanks at all. More like a
down payment on services yet to be rendered. He was out of the hospital, but
Americorp's surveillance was always present. Like a watchful parent, it hovered
at the edge of awareness, unintrusive, making itself known subtly yet surely.
They knew that if he slipped through their fingers even once, he would
disappear forever.
Soon he would be able to lose them, if he really
needed to. But that would mean leaving Freddie behind. Also, Ed King had
Bonito's papers and his data. They would have to be bargained for.
Freddie was too deep into the net to look up. That was
probably best. Lee dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt, looked through
Freddie's leather jackets. The jeans were too new looking. They were going to
the Glory Hole that night.
''Interesting rumors on the net about our
friends," Freddie said from the workstation, his right hand making the
faintest gesture toward the sky. "They're starting a price war in the retina
scanner market. They're working on one that can read your eye from a meter
away. No more bending over. Some guy hacked their PR copy before it was
released. 'A scanner for every door, every ATM, even smartcard points-of-purchase.
Security for the twenty-first century.' "
A subtle message from Ed King. The retina scan was the
one kind of ID he couldn't beat. Not
yet, anyway.
"Anybody up in arms?" Lee asked. His voice
was lower, but Freddie didn't seem to notice.
"The usual suspects: the EFF, New.ID.org,
the ACLU."
"Send New.ID a hundred thousand dollars, in my
name."
Freddie didn't turn around, but his fingers stopped
moving.
"A hundred thousand? That's like their
operating budget for a year."
"Yes." Lee's tone didn't invite argument.
"Don't you think we should make this particular
contribution anonymously?" Freddie asked.
"Open wire." He could send King messages
too.
Freddie flipped the visor up and turned around, about
to say something. He paused at the sight of Lee's new form, looked him up and
down.
Lee was suddenly embarrassed by his stare.
"Surprised?" he asked Freddie.
"Where'd you say we were going tonight?"
"Glory Hole."
"Thought that was a dyke
club."
"Not on Wednesday."
"Ah. Wondered why you were taking me." Freddie
smiled a little, as if laughing at himself. "I've heard about the swimming
pool. Too good to be true."
Lee put his hands on Freddie's shoulders. "We can
still go in the pool." He
leaned forward and kissed him.
There was just the slightest shudder in Freddie's
form, but he submitted to the kiss. When Lee drew back, Freddie's smile had
faded.
Then Freddie laughed. "Man, I hate
this
town."
They laughed together. Freddie turned back to his
workstation, and Lee massaged his shoulders for a while, letting him grow used
to contact with the new body. Lee's changes usually turned Freddie on. He
figured this one would eventually.
The monitor clock neared midnight. Lee kissed Freddie
on the ear and said, "I'm going out for something." Freddie made an
inarticulate noise of assent.
He climbed the stairs to the co-op's roof. The air in
the stairwell was hot and smelled of Spanish cooking. Someone had padlocked the
roof door since the day before. A blow to the door snapped the hasp.
Outside, the air was cool and still. The Empire State
Building was lit red, white, and blue for the anniversary of the Intervention.
In the clear night sky, he could see a widely spaced circle of planes in the La
Guardia holding pattern. A few car alarms held forth in the distance. He paced
the roof a little anxiously, preparing himself with a few shifts in his
musculature, reinforcing his ribs to protect heart and lungs, hardening his
cortex. Finally, he let his morphine organ expand a little, breathing deeply as
the rush hit him.
He went toward the back of the building, which
overlooked an unlit airshaft. It was seven floors down, but at night the shaft
looked infinitely deep. He knew that the bottom was paved with crumbling
concrete, but free of broken glass and garbage. He took the T-shirt off.
To the west, a VTOL freighter landed with a sovereign
roar.
He jumped.
The moments of free fall were unexpectedly calm. There
was no sense of hurtling downward as in a falling dream, only weightlessness.
He had expected himself to tense as he fell, but instinct relaxed him utterly.
For a second, the fall was timeless.
In his ears, the sound of the impact was gigantic.
After a brief incoherence, he awoke to a body awash in
activated chemicals. Adrenaline, morphine, endorphins, and the rich rush of
change buoyed him out of unconsciousness. His legs were badly broken, one femur
splintered. A lung was collapsed, fragments of rib piercing it. He
concentrated on its repair, trying to control the rattling cough that
threatened to turn thick with blood. As he did so, poisons ran riot in his
abdomen, where a ruptured kidney cried for attention. He turned from one crisis
to the next frantically. His mind slipped closer to panic, until a mist of red
gnats swarmed before his eyes.
And then he felt it come. Control swept through his
body like the rush of an aircraft's acceleration, lifting him out of
incoherence, thrusting a picture into his mind.
He saw shattered bones swim, sinuous, to reform
themselves. He saw organs flow like sand into their apposite shapes. Twisted
muscles loosened, rent skin zippered closed. Almost casually, he coughed fluid
from his lungs into his mouth, and swallowed.
After he was healed, he lay for a while, a calm like
the free fall having overcome him. Muscle and bone continued to shift as his
thoughts wandered, a play of surfaces and forms under his taut skin. His morphine
organ pulsed for a while and then slackened like an expended cock. His eyes
opened and he smiled. He was ready to go out.
He climbed the building easily.
When he got back in, Freddie was dressed for the Glory
Hole; he'd put on a black T-shirt and chinos. He looked at Lee's jeans. They
were scuffed and dirty, and despite his best efforts, blood had stained one
knee.
"Hurt yourself?" he asked.
"Took a fall."
"That's one way to break 'em in," Freddie
said with a smirk.
Lee stuck his tongue out at him, eight inches studded
with tiny pseudopods. Freddie's face went briefly ashen, and he turned away.
Lee smiled. Still buzzing from the fall, he was not in
the mood for Freddie's squeamishness. He put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
There was the slightest tug away.
For a moment, the rejection hurt her, deep inside.
Then, almost as a reflex, the morphine organ responded with a tiny burst. A
flush of satisfaction filled him, and the dark look on Freddie's face only
prompted his desire. He took both shoulders, hard, and pushed Freddie against
the wall. Through his fingers, he slipped filaments of nervous tissue into the
bare shoulders, felt the flutter of Freddie's heart, his confusion, the buzz of
the speed he'd taken before going on the net. Lee looked into Freddie's eyes,
trying to connect. He saw his desire reciprocated, with a hint of terror.
He moved forward, his mouth at Freddie's throat.
When he allowed himself to be pushed back, his grip
still firm, he saw he'd marked Freddie's neck. The terror in the boy's eyes
remained.
Freddie wasn't used to the new habits yet—the casual
shape-shifting, the mood swings, the sudden violence.
But he would learn.