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Kicva smiled. "For Llewelyn? Not even thatno. Llewelyn is not a man of whom a woman can be only fond. One can only love him to madness and self-exclusionor not love him at all." |
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"Then why is he my father?" Rhiannon asked, obviously surprised. |
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This time Kicva laughed aloud. "Did you think he had cast me out? Or that I nursed a wounded heart? You know I would have told you. You wished to believe me tenderand so I am, but not in that way. Llewelyn and I were good friends. We still are. Why I chose him to father you? I admired him, and my body craved his." |
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"As you say mine craves Simon's?" |
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"That I do not know. I did not wish to be Llewelyn's woman as my mother Angharad was my father's woman, only to take pleasure of him, to give him pleasure, and to beget a daughter. I wanted him to father my child, not to be minewell, I knew that was impossible." |
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"You said you did not want him because you could not have him," Rhiannon said angrily. "Who is lying to herself now?" |
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Kicva's clear eyes met her daughter's. I could have had him and held himbut what I held would not have been Llewelyn. Your father is more prince than man. To hold him to me, I would have had to turn his nature inside out and tear him from his first lovethe glory and power of Gwynedd. Besides . . ." Kicva left that unfinished and began again. "You and I are much alike in looks, my daughter, but not in our hearts. Believe me, I never longed to bind any soul to mine, nor have my soul bound to another's." |
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"Yet you desired a daughter." |
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"Our line breeds one daughter, at least, in each generation. And the tie between parent and child is a bond that does not tether, or should not. You are free to go and never return, if that is your need. It is different between a man and a woman." |
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