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Page 53
Kicva smiled. "For Llewelyn? Not even thatno. Llewelyn is not a man of whom a woman can be only fond. One can only love him to madness and self-exclusionor not love him at all."
"Then why is he my father?" Rhiannon asked, obviously surprised.
This time Kicva laughed aloud. "Did you think he had cast me out? Or that I nursed a wounded heart? You know I would have told you. You wished to believe me tenderand so I am, but not in that way. Llewelyn and I were good friends. We still are. Why I chose him to father you? I admired him, and my body craved his."
"As you say mine craves Simon's?"
"That I do not know. I did not wish to be Llewelyn's woman as my mother Angharad was my father's woman, only to take pleasure of him, to give him pleasure, and to beget a daughter. I wanted him to father my child, not to be minewell, I knew that was impossible."
"You said you did not want him because you could not have him," Rhiannon said angrily. "Who is lying to herself now?"
Kicva's clear eyes met her daughter's. I could have had him and held himbut what I held would not have been Llewelyn. Your father is more prince than man. To hold him to me, I would have had to turn his nature inside out and tear him from his first lovethe glory and power of Gwynedd. Besides . . ." Kicva left that unfinished and began again. "You and I are much alike in looks, my daughter, but not in our hearts. Believe me, I never longed to bind any soul to mine, nor have my soul bound to another's."
"Yet you desired a daughter."
"Our line breeds one daughter, at least, in each generation. And the tie between parent and child is a bond that does not tether, or should not. You are free to go and never return, if that is your need. It is different between a man and a woman."

 
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