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Page 81
had protected her from the kind of actions that engendered shame. She had known that ugly emotion only as a result of a certain heedlessness that sometimes made her careless of the needs and feelings of others. Now that carelessness plus the fears that Simon had awakened in her had driven her into behavior she considered shameful.
There was no way to hide what she had doneor was there? Rhiannon sat up straighter, and two squirrels that had been gathering food within feet of her, taking her for inanimate because of her stillness, chattered angrily and sprang for the nearest tree. She could say, truthfully, that she was following her father's orders. And add spoken lies to the shame she felt already? No. It would be better to go secretly, before Simon knew she was at court.
And not see him? There was a sickening sinking in Rhiannon, followed by a strange ache. Neither sensation could be real, she knew. Nor would seeing Simon do her the least good, she told herself bitterly. When he knew what she had been about, it was highly unlikely he would be willing to have anything to do with her. That decision did not produce an even greater depression as it should, perhaps, have done. Rhiannon knew that love prompted forgiveness. Let Simon hear the worst from others. If he came to her after that . . .
In calculating her plans, Rhiannon had not included Matha factor that could not, she soon found, be ignored. She had forgotten Math's unusual fondness for Simon's company. When she returned to Aber, warned the two men who had accompanied her, and packed her belongings, she found Math was missing. Calling him in the women's quarters and in the stables, storage huts, and outdoor areas produced no result.
Rhiannon was surprised. Although Math often ignored her when she called him at home, he was usually eager to go back to the hall in the hills and would stay close to her heels or come running when

 
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