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Page 404
appeared. Unfortunately, the solution was seldom easy or flattering.
''This is not your first attempt to cure yourself," Kicva continued. "When you first met Simon, you sent him away. Did it help? You were even ready to believe yourself a heifer lowing in her heat for any bull. Did that help? Do you really believe there is a cure for your love?"
"There must be! What if Simon were dead or did not want me?"
"If he had never wanted you, I doubt you would have loved him. To love, one must know a man. To see a handsome face from afar and be stirred by self-induced longings is not love. The fact that he did seek you ends that, even if he should change his mind owing to your stupiditymen grow tired of women who cut off their noses to spite their facesyes, I know that is Simon's phrase, but it is very apt. If he were dead . . . Silly child, do you think I love Gwydyon less because he is dead?"
"But you suffered when he died, suffered greatly."
"That is quite true, Rhiannon. And I suffer stillif that means that I miss his physical presence. It is more than ten years and I am not cured. To speak the truth, I do not wish to be cured. My love for Gwydyon gives me great pleasure. If a little pain is mingled inwell, that is life. Do you really wish to spend ten or twenty years trying to cure yourself of a great pleasure?"
"It will not take so long. It is different for me; I do wish to be cured."
For the first time, Kicva looked really worried and leaned forward to see Rhiannon's face better. "What has made you hate yourself, Rhiannon? Daughter, why are you punishing yourself?"
"Hate myself?" Rhiannon's voice scaled upward. "I am not trying to punish myself. I am trying to save myself from pain."

 
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