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Page 263
For a little while after Geoffrey had left her, Joanna watched the glow in the sky across the river. Fear for him made her heart flutter and bred a sickness in her bowels. Finally, she fastened the shutters and, feeling her way, found flint and tinder and lit the night candle again. When she removed her night robe and went to lay it upon a chest, she passed the burnished metal mirror. The eyes that looked back at her out of it made her catch her breath. There was no color to them in the dim light, but they were her mother's eyeswells of fear.
"I do not love him," she whispered. "I do not. Any man can wake in me the same pleasure and desire."
The thin whisper faded and Joanna tore her eyes from the telltale mirror image. Braybrook's hands had held her breasts; his mouth had come upon hers. Her gorge had risen at his kiss, bringing the bitter bile of vomit to her throat and her flesh had seemed to shrivel under his hands. Not any man, she acknowledged, and then insisted, "It was because he tried to force me." That was poor comfort. She had not really been afraid, only disgusted. Her mind turned to other young men in the court, but the first when compared to Geoffrey was a gross clod and the second a weak reed and the third a babbling fool. Joanna threw herself on her bed. Perhaps Geoffrey was the most desirable of the young men she knew. It made no difference. She would not love him, would not worry about him. She would sleep.
It was not so hard to do as Joanna expected. A hot day, an equally warm bout of unfulfilled sexual excitement, and the wrenchings of anxiety added up to fatigue in a young, healthy body. It was fortunate that the respite Joanna had was deep, for it was not long. First light had not yet pierced the heavy clouds when Edwina shook her mistress firmly.
"There is a Lady Maud here with two maidservants and two of Lord Geoffrey's men-at-arms. They have brought her to seek shelter with you on Lord Geoffrey's order."
"Engelard's mistress?" Joanna muttered crossly, but she rose nonetheless and drew on a clean night robe.
In the solar she found a fair, pretty woman, much

 
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