< previous page page_298 next page >

Page 298
path to follow, reinforced Geoffrey's decision to leave Joanna's pacification to time, but made him very discontented. He found himself on the long ride north going over and over in his mind all their meetings and conversations. Thus, for the first time, he became aware that, for all her lively response to his passion, Joanna had never said she loved him. Indeed, she had never used an endearment, never called him dear heart, or love, or belovedyes, she had said that, once. In the madness of the time in the fire, she had said, "Beloved, you are safe."
I am splitting straws, Geoffrey thought, but the uneasiness persisted. Geoffrey did not confuse passion with love. Even discounting the probably feigned responses of paid whores, he had example enough in the women he had had at court. He knew quite well that although most of them had responded to his lovemaking as warmly as Joanna, not one had loved him. That had never troubled him at all; in fact, he would have been horrified and bitterly remorseful if any deep emotion had touched one of those ladies. Until now, however, he had never paralleled their actions and Joanna's. Not that Geoffrey thought Joanna light of virtue. No, he did not! Would not! Nonsense! Her response was as innocent and unknowing as a young heifer or an unbred mare.
That was true. Jealousy repressed, Geoffrey faced up to what he knew was a more essential problem. Did Joanna love him? Another review and still another of their meetings and partings left him totally unsatisfied. He simply could not determine from Joanna's very self-contradictory behavior what she felt. Peste! Geoffrey thought, what does it matter? Whatever she felt, Geoffrey knew Joanna would never betray him with her body. No man would have more of her than a kiss on hand or cheek or the cold kiss of peace.
That was true also, but it gave him very little comfort. With a desperate, desolate sinking at heart, Geoffrey realized that he loved Joanna utterly and completely. He did not love her as the friend and companion of many years nor tenderly and dutifully as a good man loves his wifeas his own father loved Lady Ela. He loved. Joanna with the hot

 
< previous page page_298 next page >