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Page 142
were not going to marry Ian, he was not the right person to be Adam's lord. He was too fond of Adam, too accustomed to thinking of Adam as a "baby" to deal with his young manhood. Either Ian would overprotect the "child of his heart" or, in trying to avoid that pitfall, would thrust him into too much danger. He could judge what to do for Geoffrey and Owain because they were not "children" to him. He had never held them in his arms or received their wet little baby kisses or steadied their first stumbling steps. Ian knew Geoffrey and Owain only as young males growing into manhood. She half turned away, as if her attention was elsewhere, but her ears were tuned to the pair she had just left.
"I was frightened, lord," Geoffrey said, very low.
A fine boy, Alinor thought. The words came as if drawn by a winch, but he had confessed what he probably believed was the ultimate sin and shame.
"But you did not run away," Ian comforted gravely. "As you grow more sure of your ableness with weapons, that feeling will grow less. Even if it does not, so long as you do your duty, it does not matter how you feel inside. For example, it is my duty to instruct my men and deploy them so that they accomplish their purpose at the same time as they suffer as few losses as possible. Usually this is easy for me out of long practice. Today I was so angry because that filth had dared" his voice faltered. "What I mean to say, Geoffrey, is that I did not wish to bother to tell you where to ride or to tell Jamie to guard you or to tell the men to surround the clearing before they charged. I wished only to come to grips with those who had offended me. Yet had I not done my duty, had I charged and laid about me as I desired, most would have escaped."
The boy nodded stiffly, still not able to accept what he had seen. Ian smiled at him.
"Usually, of course, this trouble does not arise. In a war called by the king or even to defend my own

 
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