Neal Shusterman
Unwind
"If
more people had been organ donors
Unwinding never would have happened."
—The Admiral
The Bill of Life
The Second Civil War, also known as
"The Heartland War," was a long and bloody conflict fought over a
single issue.
To end the war, a set of constitutional
amendments known as "The Bill of Life" was passed.
It satisfied both the Pro-life
and the Pro-choice armies.
The Bill of Life states that human life may not be
touched
from the moment of conception until a child reaches
the age of thirteen.
However, between the ages of
thirteen and eighteen, a parent may choose to retroactively "abort" a
child . . .
... on the condition that the
child's life doesn't "technically" end.
The process by which a child
is both terminated and yet kept alive is called "unwinding."
Unwinding is now a common, and
accepted practice in society.
Part One
Triplicate
"J was never going to amount to much anyway, but now, statistically speaking, there's a better chance that some part of me will go on to greatness somewhere in the world. I'd rather be partly great than entirely useless."
—Samson Ward
1 Connor
"There are places you can go," Ariana tells him, "and a guy as smart as you has a
decent chance of surviving to eighteen."
Connor isn't so sure, but looking into Ariana's eyes makes his doubts go away, if only for a
moment. Her eyes are sweet violet with streaks of gray. She's such a slave to
fashion—
always getting the newest pigment injection the second it's in style. Connor
was never into that. He's always kept his eyes the color they came in. Brown.
He never even got tattoos, like so many kids get these days when they're
little. The only color on his skin is the tan it takes during the summer, but
now, in November, that tan has long faded. He tries not to think about the fact
that he'll never see the summer again. At least not as Connor Lassiter. He
still can't believe that his life is being stolen from him at sixteen.
Ariana's violet eyes begin to shine as they fill with tears
that flow down her cheeks when she blinks. "Connor, I'm so sorry."
She holds him, and for a moment it seems as if everything is okay, as if they
are the only two people on Earth. For that instant, Connor feels invincible,
untouchable . . . but she lets go, the moment passes, and the world around him
returns. Once more he can feel the rumble of the freeway beneath them, as cars
pass by, not knowing or caring that he's here. Once more he is just a marked
kid, a week short of unwinding.
The soft, hopeful things Ariana
tells him don't help now. He can barely hear her over the rush of traffic. This
place where they hide from the world is one of those dangerous places that make
adults shake their heads, grateful that their own kids aren't stupid enough to
hang out on the ledge of a freeway overpass. For Connor it's not about
stupidity, or even rebellion—it's about feeling life. Sitting on this ledge, hidden
behind an exit sign is where he feels most comfortable. Sure, one false step
and he's roadkill. Yet for Connor, life on the edge
is home.
There have been no other girls he's brought here,
although he hasn't told Ariana that. He closes his
eyes, feeling the vibration of the traffic as if it's pulsing through his
veins, a part of him. This has always been a good place to get away from fights
with his parents, or when he just feels generally boiled. But now Connor's
beyond boiled—even
beyond fighting with his mom and dad. There's nothing more to fight about. His
parents signed the order—it's a done deal.
"We should run away, "Ariana
says. "I'm fed up with everything, too. My family, school, everything. I
could kick-AWOL, and never look back."
Connor hangs on the thought. The idea of kicking-AWOL
by himself terrifies him. He might put up a tough front, he might act like the
bad boy at school—but running away on his own? He doesn't even know if he has
the guts. But if Ariana comes, that's different.
That's not alone. "Do you mean it?"
Ariana looks at him with her magical eyes. "Sure. Sure
I do. I could leave here. If you asked me."
Connor knows this is major. Running away with an
Unwind—that's
commitment. The fact that she would do it moves him beyond words. He kisses
her, and in spite of everything going on in his life Connor suddenly feels
like the luckiest guy in the world. He holds her—maybe a little too tightly,
because she starts to squirm. It just makes him want to hold her even more
tightly, but he fights that urge and lets go. She smiles at him.
"AWOL . . ." she says. "What does that
mean, anyway?"
"It's an old military term or something,"
Connor says. "It means 'absent without leave.'"
Ariana thinks about it, and grins. "Hmm. More like 'alive without lectures.'"
Connor takes her hand, trying hard not to squeeze it
too tightly. She said she'd go if he asked her. Only now does he realize he
hasn't actually asked yet.
"Will you come with me, Ariana?"
Ariana smiles and nods. "Sure," she says.
"Sure I will."
* * *
Ariana's parents don't like Connor. "We always knew he'd
be an Unwind," he can just hear them saying. "You should have stayed
away from that Lassiter boy." He was never "Connor" to them. He
was always "that Lassiter boy." They think that just because he's been
in and out of disciplinary school they have a right to judge him.
Still, when he walks her home that afternoon, he stops
short of her door, hiding behind a tree as she goes inside. Before he heads
home, he thinks how hiding is now going to be a way of life for both of them.
* * *
Home.
Connor wonders how he can call the place he lives
home, when he's about to be evicted—not just from the place he sleeps,
but from the hearts of those who are supposed to love him.
His father sits in a chair, watching the news as
Connor enters.
"Hi, Dad."
His father points at some random carnage on the news.
"Clappers again."
"What did they hit this time?"
"They blew up an Old Navy in the North Akron
mall."
"Hmm," says Connor. "You'd think they'd
have better taste."
"I don't find that funny."
Connor's parents don't know that Connor knows he's
being unwound. He wasn't supposed to find out, but Connor has always been good
at ferreting out secrets. Three weeks ago, while looking for a stapler in his
dad's home office, he found airplane tickets to the Bahamas. They were going on
a family vacation over Thanksgiving. One problem, though: There were only three
tickets. His mother, his father, his younger brother. No ticket for him. At
first he just figured the ticket was somewhere else, but the more he thought
about it, the more it seemed wrong. So Connor went looking a little deeper when
his parents were out, and he found it. The Unwind order. It had been signed in
old-fashioned triplicate. The white copy was already gone—off with
the authorities. The yellow copy would accompany Connor to his end, and the
pink would stay with his parents, as evidence of what they'd done. Perhaps they
would frame it and hang it alongside his first-grade picture.
The date on the order was the day before the Bahamas
trip. He was going off to be unwound, and they were going on vacation to make
themselves feel better about it. The unfairness of it had made Connor want to
break something. It had made him want to break a lot of things—but he
hadn't. For once he had held his temper, and aside from a few fights in school
that weren't his fault, he kept his emotions hidden. He kept what he knew to
himself. Everyone knew that an unwind order was irreversible, so screaming and
fighting wouldn't change a thing. Besides, he found a certain power in knowing
his parents' secret. Now the blows he could deal them were so much more
effective. Like the day he brought flowers home for his mother and she cried
for hours. Like the B-plus he brought
home on a science test. Best grade he ever got in science. He handed it to his
father, who looked at it, the color draining from his face. "See, Dad, my
grades are getting better. I could even bring my science grade up to an A by
the end of the semester." An hour later his father was sitting in a chair,
still clutching the test in his hand, and staring blankly at the wall.
Connor's motivation was simple: Make them suffer. Let
them know for the rest of their lives what a horrible mistake they made.
But there was no sweetness to this revenge, and now,
three weeks of rubbing it in their faces has made him feel no better. In spite
of himself he's starting to feel bad for his parents, and he hates that he
feels that way.
"Did I miss dinner?"
His father doesn't look away from the TV. "Your
mother left a plate for you."
Connor heads off toward the kitchen, but halfway there
he hears:
"Connor?"
He turns to see his father looking at him. Not just
looking, but staring. He's going to tell me now, Connor thinks. He's
going to tell me they're unwinding me, and then break down in tears, going on
and on about how sorry sorry sorry
he is about it all. If he does, Connor just might accept the apology. He
might even forgive him, and then tell him that he doesn't plan to be here when
the Juvey-cops come to take him away. But in the end all his father says is,
"Did you lock the door when you came in?"
"I'll do it now."
Connor locks the door, then goes to his room, no
longer hungry for whatever it is his mother saved for him.
* * *
At two in the morning Connor dresses in black and
fills a backpack with the things that really matter to him. He still has room
for three changes of clothes. He finds it amazing, when it comes down to it,
how few things are worth taking. Memories, mostly. Reminders of a time before
things went so wrong between him and his parents. Between him and the rest of
the world.
Connor peeks in on his brother, thinks about waking
him to say good-bye, then decides it's not a good idea. He silently slips out into
the night. He can't take his bike, because he had installed an antitheft
tracking device. Connor never considered that he might be the one stealing it.
Ariana has bikes for both of them though.
Ariana's house is a twenty-minute walk, if you take the conventional
route. Suburban Ohio neighborhoods never have streets that go in straight
lines, so instead he takes the more direct route, through the woods, and makes
it there in ten.
The lights in Ariana's house
are off. He expected this. It would have been suspicious if she had stayed
awake all night. Better to pretend she's sleeping, so she won't alert any suspicion.
He keeps his distance from the house. Ariana's yard
and front porch are equipped with motion-sensor lights that come on whenever
anything moves into range. They're meant to scare off wild animals and
criminals. Ariana's parents are convinced that
Connor is both.
He pulls out his phone and dials the familiar number.
From where he stands in the shadows at the edge of the backyard he can hear it
ring in her room upstairs. Connor disconnects quickly and ducks farther back
into the shadows, for fear that Ariana's parents
might be looking out from their windows. What is she thinking? Ariana was supposed to leave her phone on vibrate.
He makes a wide arc around the edge of the backyard, wide
enough not to set off the lights, and although a light comes on when he steps
onto the front porch, only Ariana's bedroom faces
that way. She comes to the door a few moments later, opening it not quite wide
enough for her to come out or for him to go in.
"Hi, are you ready?" asks Connor. Clearly
she's not; she wears a robe over satin pajamas. "You didn't forget, did
you?"
"No, no, I didn't forget. . . ."
"So hurry up! The sooner we get out of here, the
more of a lead we'll get before anyone knows we're gone."
"Connor," she says, "here's the thing .
. ."
And the truth is right there in her voice, in the way
it's such a strain for her to even say his name, the quiver of apology
lingering in the air like an echo. She doesn't have to say anything after that,
because he knows, but he lets her say it anyway. Because he sees how hard it is
for her, and he wants it to be. He wants it to be the hardest thing she's ever
done in her life.
"Connor, I really want to go, I do . . . but it's
just a really bad time for me. My sister's getting married, and you know she
picked me to be the maid of honor. And then there's school."
"You hate school. You said you'd be dropping out
when you turn sixteen."
"Testing out,"
she says. "There's a difference."
"So you're not coming?"
"I want to, 1 really, really want to . . .
but I can't."
"So everything we talked about was just a
lie."
"No," says Ariana.
"It was a dream. Reality got in the way, that's all. And running away
doesn't solve anything."
"Running away is the only way to save my
life," Connor hisses. "I'm about to be unwound, in case you
forgot."
She gently touches his face. "1 know," she
says. "But I'm not."
Then a light comes on at the top of the stairs, and
reflexively Ariana closes the door a few inches.
"Ari?" Connor hears her mother say.
"What is it? What are you doing at the door?"
Connor hacks up out of view, and Ariana
turns to look up the stairs. "Nothing, Mom. I thought I saw a coyote from
my window and I just wanted to make sure the cats weren't out."
"The cats are upstairs, honey. Close the door and
go back to bed."
"So, I'm a coyote," says Connor.
"Shush," says Ariana,
closing the door until there's just a tiny slit and all he can see is the edge
of her face and a single violet eye. "You'll get away, I know you will.
Call me once you're somewhere safe." Then she closes the door.
Connor stands there for the longest time, until the
motion sensor light goes out. Being alone had not been part of his plan, but he
realizes it should have been. From the moment his parents signed those papers,
Connor was alone.
* * *
He can't take a train; he can't take a bus. Sure, he
has enough money, but nothing's leaving until morning, and by then they'll be
looking for him in all the obvious places. Unwinds on the run are so common
these days, they have whole teams of Juvey-cops dedicated to finding them. The
police have it down to an art.
He knows he'd be able to disappear in a city, because
there are so many faces, you never see the same one twice. He knows he can also
disappear in the country, where people are so few and far between; he could set
up house in an old barn and no one would think to look. But then, Connor
figures the police probably thought of that. They probably have every old barn
set up to spring like a rat trap, snaring kids like him. Or maybe he's just
being paranoid. No, Connor knows his situation calls for justified caution—not just
tonight, but for the next two years. Then once he turns eighteen, he's home
free. After that, sure, they can throw him in jail, they can put him on
trial—but they can't unwind him. Surviving that long is the trick.
Down by the interstate there's a rest stop where
truckers pull off the road for the night. This is where Connor goes. He figures
he can slip in the back of an eighteen-wheeler, but he quickly learns that
truckers keep their cargo locked. He curses himself for not having forethought enough
to consider that. Thinking ahead has never been one of Connor's strong points.
If it was, he might not have gotten into the various situations that have
plagued him over these past few years. Situations that got him labels like
"troubled" and "at risk," and finally this last label,
"unwind."
There are about twenty parked trucks, and a brightly
lit diner where half a dozen truckers eat. It's 3:30 in the morning. Apparently
truckers have their own biological clocks. Connor watches and waits. Then, at about
a quarter to four, a police cruiser pulls silently into the truck stop. No
lights, no siren. It slowly circles the lot like a shark. Connor thinks he can
hide, until he sees a second police car pulling in. There are too many lights
over the lot for Connor to hide in shadows, and he can't bolt without being
seen in the bright moonlight. A patrol car comes around the far end of the lot.
In a second its headlights will be on him, so he rolls beneath a truck and
prays the cops haven't seen him.
He watches as the patrol car's wheels slowly roll
past. On the other side of the eighteen-wheeler the second patrol car passes in
the opposite direction. Maybe this is just a routine check, he thinks. Maybe
they're not looking for me. The more he thinks about it, the more he
convinces himself that's the case. They can't know he's gone yet. His father
sleeps like a log, and his mother never checks on Connor during the night
anymore.
Still, the police cars circle.
From his spot beneath the truck Connor sees the
driver's door of another eighteen-wheeler open. No—it's not
the driver's door, it's the door to the little bedroom behind the cab. A
trucker emerges, stretches, and heads toward the truckstop
bathrooms, leaving the door ajar.
In the hairbreadth of a moment, Connor makes a
decision and bolts from his hiding spot, racing across the lot to that truck.
Loose gravel skids out from under his feet as he runs. He doesn't know where
the cop cars are anymore, but it doesn't matter. He has committed himself to
this course of action and he has to see it through. As he nears the door he
sees headlights arcing around, about to turn toward him. He pulls open the
door to the truck's sleeper, hurls himself inside, and pulls the door closed
behind him.
He sits on a bed not much bigger than a cot, catching
his breath. What's his next move? The trucker will be back. Connor has about
five minutes if he's lucky, one minute if he's not. He peers beneath the bed.
There's space down there where he can hide, but it's blocked by two duffle bags
full of clothes. He could pull them out, squeeze in, and pull the duffle bags
back in front of him. The trucker would never know he's there. But even before
he can get the first duffle bag out, the door swings open. Connor just stands
there, unable to react as the trucker reaches in to grab his jacket and sees
him.
"Whoa! Who are you? What the hell you doin' in my truck?"
A police car cruises slowly past behind him.
"Please," Connor says, his voice suddenly
squeaky like it was before his voice changed. "Please, don't tell anyone.
I've got to get out of this place." He reaches into his backpack, fumbling,
and pulls out a wad of bills from his wallet. "You want money? I've got
money. I'll give you all I've got."
"I don't want your money," the trucker says.
"All right, then, what?"
Even in the dim light the trucker must see the panic
in Connor's eyes, but he doesn't say a thing.
"Please," says Connor again. "I'll do
anything you want. ..."
The trucker looks at him in silence for a moment more.
"Is that so?" he finally says. Then he steps inside and closes the
door behind him.
Connor shuts his eyes, not daring to consider what
he's just gotten himself into.
The trucker sits beside him. "What's your
name?"
"Connor." Then he realizes a moment too late
he should have given a fake name.
The trucker scratches his beard stubble and thinks for
a moment. "Let me show you something, Connor." He reaches over Connor
and grabs, of all things, a deck of cards from a little pouch hanging next to
the bed. "Did ya ever see this?" The
trucker takes the deck of cards in one hand and does a skillful one-handed
shuffle. "Pretty good, huh?"
Connor, not knowing what to say, just nods.
"How about this?" Then the trucker takes a
single card and with sleight of hand makes the card vanish into thin air. Then
he reaches over and pulls the card right out of Connor's shirt pocket.
"You like that?"
Connor lets out a nervous laugh.
"Well, those tricks you just saw?" The
trucker says, "I didn't do em."
"I . . . don't know what you mean."
The trucker rolls up his sleeve to reveal that the
arm, which had done the tricks, had been grafted on at the elbow.
"Ten years ago I fell asleep at the wheel,"
the trucker tells him. "Big accident. I lost an arm, a kidney, and a few
other things. I got new ones, though, and I pulled through." He looks at
his hands, and now Connor can see that the trick-card hand is a little
different from the other one. The trucker's other hand has thicker fingers, and
the skin is a bit more olive in tone.
"So," says Connor, "you got dealt a new
hand."
The trucker laughs at that, then he becomes quiet for
a moment, looking at his replacement hand. "These fingers here knew things
the rest of me didn't. Muscle memory, they call it. And there's not a day that
goes by that I don't wonder what other incredible things that kid who owned
this arm knew, before he was unwound . . . whoever he was."
The trucker stands up. "You're lucky you came to
me," he says. "There are truckers out there who'll take whatever you
offer, then turn you in anyway."
"And you're not like that?"
"No, I'm not." He puts out his hand—his other
hand—and Connor shakes it. "Josias
Aldridge," he says. "I'm heading north from here. You can ride with
me till morning."
Connor's relief is so great, it takes the wind right
out of him. He can't even offer a thank-you.
"That bed there's not the most comfortable in the
world," says Aldridge, "but it does the job. Get yourself some rest.
I just gotta go take a dump, and then we'll be on our way." Then he closes
the door, and Connor listens to his footsteps heading off toward the bathroom.
Connor finally lets his guard down and begins to feel his own exhaustion. The
trucker didn't give him a destination, just a direction, and that's fine.
North, south, east, west—it doesn't matter as long as it's away from here. As for
his next move, well, first he's got to get through this one before he can think
about what comes next.
A minute later Connor's already beginning to doze when
he hears the shout from outside.
"We know you're in there! Come out now and you
won't get hurt!"
Connor's heart sinks. Josias
Aldridge has apparently pulled another sleight of hand. He's made Connor appear
for the police. Abracadabra. With his journey over before it even began, Connor
swings the door open to see three Juvey-cops aiming weapons.
But they're not aiming at him.
In fact, their backs are to him.
Across the way, the cab door swings open of the truck
he had hidden under just a few minutes before, and a kid comes out from behind
the empty driver's seat, his hands in the air. Connor recognizes him right
away. It's a kid he knows from school. Andy Jameson.
My God, is Andy being unwound too?
There's a look of fear on Andy's face, but beyond it
is something worse. A look of utter defeat. That's when Connor realizes his
own folly. He'd been so surprised by this turn of events that he's still just
standing there, exposed for anyone to see. Well, the policemen don't see him.
But Andy does. He catches sight of Connor, holds his gaze, only for a moment .
. .
. . . and in that moment something remarkable happens.
The look of despair on
Andy's face is suddenly replaced by a steely resolve bordering on triumph. He
quickly looks away from Connor and takes a few steps before the police grab him—steps away
from Connor, so that the police still have their backs to him.
Andy had seen him and had not given him away! If Andy
has nothing else after this day, at least he'll have this small victory.
Connor leans back into the shadows of the truck and
slowly pulls the door closed. Outside, as the police take Andy away, Connor
lies back down, and his tears come as sudden as a summer downpour. He's not
sure who he's crying for—for Andy, for himself, for Ariana—and
not knowing makes his tears flow all the more. Instead of wiping the tears away
he lets them dry on his face like he used to when he was a little boy and the
things he cried about were so insignificant that they'd be forgotten by
morning.
The trucker never comes to check on him. Instead
Connor hears the engine start and feels the truck pulling out. The gentle
motion of the road rocks him to sleep.
* * *
The ring of Connor's cell phone wakes him out of a
deep sleep. He fights consciousness. He wants to go back to the dream he was
having. It was about a place he was sure he had been to, although he couldn't
quite remember when. He was at a cabin on a beach with his parents, before his
brother was born. Connor's leg had fallen through a rotted board on the porch
into spiderwebs so thick, they felt like cotton. Connor
had screamed and screamed from the pain, and the fear of the giant spiders that
he was convinced would eat his leg off. And yet, this was a good dream—a good
memory—because his father was there to pull him free, and carry him inside,
where they bandaged his leg and sat him by the fire with some kind of cider so
flavorful, he could still taste it when he thought about it. His father told
him a story that he can no longer remember, but that's all right. It wasn't the
story but the tone of his voice that mattered, a gentle baritone rumble as calming
as waves breaking on a shore. Little-boy-Connor drank his cider and leaned back
against his mother pretending to fall asleep, but what he was really doing was
trying to dissolve into the moment and make it last forever. In the dream he
did dissolve. His whole being flowed into the cider cup, and his parents placed it gently on the table, close enough to
the fire to keep it warm forever and always.
Stupid dreams. Even the good ones are bad, because
they remind you how poorly reality measures up.
His cell phone rings again, chasing away the last of
the dream. Connor almost answers it. The sleeper room of the truck is so dark,
he doesn't realize at first that he's not in his own bed. The only thing that
saves him is that he can't find his phone and he must turn on a light. When he
finds a wall where his nightstand should be, he realizes that this isn't his
room. The phone rings again. That's when it all comes back to him, and he
remembers where he is. Connor finds his phone in his backpack. The phone ID
says the call is from his father.
So now his parents know he's gone. Do they really
think he'll answer his phone? He waits until voicemail takes the call, then he
turns off the power. His watch says 7:30 a.m. He rubs the sleep out of his
eyes, trying to calculate how far they've come. The truck isn't moving anymore,
but they must have traveled at least two hundred miles while he slept. It's a
good start.
There's a knock on the door. "Come on out, kid.
Your ride's over."
Connor's not complaining—it was outrageously generous
of this truck driver to do what he did. Connor won't ask any more of him. He
swings open the door and steps out to thank the man, but it's not Josias Aldridge at the door. Aldridge is a few yards away
being handcuffed, and in front of Connor is a policeman: a Juvey-cop wearing a
smile as big as all outdoors. Standing ten yards away is Connor's father, still
holding the cell phone he had just called from.
"It's over, son," his father says.
It makes Connor furious. I'm not your son! He
wants to shout. I stopped being your son when you signed the unwind order!
But the shock of the moment leaves him speechless.
It had been so stupid of Connor to leave his cell
phone on—that's
how they tracked him—and he wonders how many other kids are caught by their own
blind trust of technology. Well, Connor's not going the way Andy Jameson
did. He quickly assesses the situation.
The truck has been pulled over to the side of the interstate by two highway
patrol cars and a Juvey-cop unit. Traffic barrels past at seventy miles per
hour, oblivious to the little drama unfolding on the shoulder. Connor makes a
split-second decision and bolts, pushing the officer against the truck and
racing across the busy highway. Would they shoot an unarmed kid in the back, he
wonders, or would they shoot him in the legs and spare his vital organs? As he
races onto the interstate, cars swerve around him, but he keeps on going.
"Connor, stop!" he hears his father yell.
Then he hears a gun fire.
He feels the impact, but not in his skin. The bullet
embeds in his backpack. He doesn't look behind him. Then, as he reaches the
highway median, he hears another gunshot, and a small blue splotch appears on
the center divider. They're firing tranquilizer bullets. They're not taking him
out, they're trying to take him down—and they're much more likely to
fire tranq bullets at will, than regular bullets.
Connor climbs over the center divider, and finds
himself in the path of a Cadillac that's not stopping for anything. The car
swerves to avoid him, and by sheer luck Connor's momentum takes him just a few
inches out of the Caddy's path. Its side mirror smacks him painfully in the
ribs before the car screeches to a halt, sending the acrid stench of burned
rubber up his nostrils. Holding his aching side, Connor sees someone looking at
him from an open window of the backseat. It's another kid, dressed all in
white. The kid is terrified.
With the police already reaching the center divider,
Connor looks into the eyes of this frightened kid, and knows what he has to do.
It's time for another split-second decision. He reaches through the window,
pulls up the lock, and opens the door.
2 Risa
Risa paces backstage, waiting for her turn at the
piano.
She knows she could play the sonata in her sleep—in fact,
she often does. So many nights she would wake up to feel her fingers playing on
the bed sheets. She would hear the music in her head, and it would still play
for a few moments after she awoke, but then it would dissolve into the night,
leaving nothing but her fingers drumming against the covers.
She has to know the Sonata. It has to
come to her as easily as breathing.
"It's not a competition," Mr. Durkin always
tells her. "There are no winners or losers at a recital."
Well, Risa knows better.
"Risa Ward," the stage manager calls.
"You're up."
She rolls her shoulders, adjusts the barrette in her
long brown hair, then she takes the stage. The applause from the audience is
polite, nothing more. Some of it is genuine, for she does have friends out
there, and teachers who want her to succeed. But mostly it's the obligatory
applause from an audience waiting to be impressed.
Mr. Durkin is out there. He has been her piano teacher
for five years. He's the closest thing Risa has to a parent. She's lucky. Not
every kid at Ohio State Home 23 has a teacher they can say that about. Most
StaHo kids hate their teachers, because they see them as jailers.
Ignoring the stiff formality of her recital dress, she
sits at the piano; it's a concert Steinway as ebony as the night, and just as
long.
Focus.
She keeps her eyes on the piano, forcing the audience
to recede into darkness. The audience doesn't matter. All that matters is the
piano and the glorious sounds she's about to charm out of it.
She holds her fingers above the keys for a moment,
then begins with perfect passion. Soon her fingers dance across the keys making
the flawless seem facile. She makes the instrument sing . . . and then her
left ring finger stumbles on a B-flat, slipping awkwardly onto B-natural.
A mistake.
It happens so quickly, it could go unnoticed—but not by
Risa. She holds the wrong note in her mind, and even as she continues playing,
that note reverberates within her, growing to a crescendo, stealing her focus
until she slips again, into a second wrong note, and then, two minutes later,
blows an entire chord. Tears begin to fill her eyes, and she can't see clearly.
You don't need to see, she tells herself. You just need to feel the music.
She can still pull out of this nosedive, can't she? Her mistakes, which
sound so awful to her, are barely noticeable.
"Relax," Mr. Durkin would tell her. "No
one is judging you."
Perhaps he truly believes that—but then,
he can afford to believe it. He's not fifteen, and he's never been a ward of
the state.
* * *
Five mistakes.
Every one of them is small, subtle, but they are
mistakes nonetheless. It would have been fine if any of the other kids'
performances were less than stellar, but the others shined.
Still, Mr. Durkin is all smiles when he greets Risa at
the reception. "You were marvelous!" he says. "I'm proud of
you."
"I stunk up the stage."
"Nonsense. You chose one of Chopin's most
difficult pieces. Professionals can't get through it without an error or two.
You did it justice!"
"I need more than justice."
Mr. Durkin sighs, but he doesn't deny it. 'You're coming
along nicely. I look forward to the day I see those hands playing in Carnegie
Hall." His smile is warm and genuine, as are the congratulations from the
other girls in her dorm. It's enough warmth to ease her sleep that night, and
to give her hope that maybe, just maybe, she's making too much of it and being
unnecessarily hard on herself. She falls asleep thinking of what she might
choose to play next.
* * *
One week later she's called into the headmaster's
office.
There are three people there. A tribunal, thinks
Risa. Three adults sitting in judgment, like the three monkeys: hear-no-evil,
see-no-evil, speak-no-evil.
"Please sit down, Risa," says the
headmaster.
She tries to sit gracefully but her knees, now
unsteady, won't allow it. She slaps awkwardly down into a chair far too plush
for an inquisition.
Risa doesn't know the other two people sitting beside
the headmaster, but they both look very official. Their demeanor is relaxed, as
if this is business as usual for them.
The woman to the headmaster's left identifies herself
as the social worker assigned to Risa's "case." Until that moment,
Risa didn't know she had a case. She says her name. Ms. Something-or-other. The
name never even makes it into Risa's memory. She flips through the pages of
Risa's fifteen years of life as casually as if she were reading a newspaper.
"Let's see . . . you've been a ward of the state from birth. It looks like
your behavior has been exemplary. Your grades have been respectable, but not
excellent." Then the social worker looks up and smiles. "I saw your
performance the other night. You were very good."
Good, thinks
Risa, but not excellent.
Ms. Something-or-other leafs through the folder for a
few seconds more, but Risa can tell she's not really looking. Whatever's going
on here was decided long before Risa walked through the door.
"Why am I here?"
Ms. Something-or-other closes her folder and glances
at the headmaster and the man beside him in an expensive suit. The suit nods,
and the social worker turns back to Risa with a warm smile. "We feel
you've reached your potential here," she says. "Headmaster Thomas and
Mr. Paulson are in agreement with me."
Risa glances at the suit. "Who's Mr.
Paulson?"
The suit clears his throat and says, almost as an
apology, "I'm the school's legal counsel."
"A lawyer? Why is there a lawyer here?"
"Just procedure," Headmaster Thomas tells
her. He puts a finger into his collar, stretching it, as if his tie has
suddenly become a noose. "It's school policy to have a lawyer present at
these kinds of proceedings."
"And what kind of proceeding is this?"
The three look at one another, none of them wanting to
take the lead. Finally Ms. Something-or-other speaks up. "You must know
that space in state homes are at a premium these days, and with budget cuts,
every StaHo is impacted—ours included."
Risa holds cold eye contact with her. "Wards of
the state are guaranteed a place in state homes."
"Very true—but the guarantee only holds until
thirteen."
Then all of a sudden everyone has something to say
"The money only stretches so far," says the
headmaster.
"Educational standards could be
compromised," says the lawyer.
"We only want what's best for you, and all the
other children here," says the social worker.
And back and forth it goes like a three-way Ping-Pong
match. Risa says nothing, only listens.
"You're a good musician, but . . ."
"As I said, you've reached your potential."
"As far as you can go."
"Perhaps if you had chosen a less competitive
course of study."
"Well, that's all water under the bridge."
"Our hands are tied."
"There are unwanted babies born every day—and not all
of them get storked."
"We're obliged to take the ones that don't."
"We have to make room for every new ward."
"Which means cutting 5 percent of our teenage
population."
"You do understand, don't you?"
Risa can't listen anymore, so she shuts them up by
saying what they don't have the courage to say themselves.
"I'm being unwound?"
Silence. It's more of an answer than if they had said
"yes."
The social worker reaches over to take Risa's hand,
but Risa pulls it back before she can. "It's all right to be frightened.
Change is always scary."
"Change?" yells Risa, "What do you mean
'change'? Dying is a little bit more than a 'change."'
The headmaster's tie turns into a noose again,
preventing blood from getting to his face. The lawyer opens his briefcase.
"Please, Miss Ward. It's not dying, and I'm sure everyone here would be
more comfortable if you didn't suggest something so blatantly inflammatory. The
fact is, 100 percent of you will still be alive, just in a divided state."
Then he reaches into his briefcase and hands her a colorful pamphlet.
"This is a brochure from Twin Lakes Harvest Camp."
"It's a fine place," the headmaster says.
"It's our facility of choice for all our Unwinds. In fact, my own nephew
was unwound there."
"Goody for him."
"Change," repeated the social worker,
"that's all. The way ice becomes water, the way water becomes clouds. You
will live, Risa. Only in a different form."
But Risa's not hearing anymore. Panic has already
started to set in. "I don't have to be a musician. I can do something
else."
Headmaster Thomas sadly shakes his head. "Too
late for that, I'm afraid."
"No, it's not. I could work out. I could become a
boeuf. The military always needs more boeufs!"
The lawyer sighs in exasperation and looks at his
watch. The social worker leans forward. "Risa, please," she says.
"It takes a certain body type for a girl to be an Army boeuf,
and many years of physical training."
"Don't I have a choice in this?" But when
she looks behind her, the answer is clear. There are two guards waiting to make
sure that she has no choice at all. And as they lead her away, she thinks of
Mr. Durkin. With a bitter laugh, Risa realizes that he may get his wish after
all. Someday he may see her hands playing in Carnegie Hall. Unfortunately, the
rest of Risa won't be there.
* * *
She is not allowed to return to her dormitory. She
will take nothing with her, because there's nothing she needs. That's the way
it is with unwinds. Just a handful of her friends sneak down to the school's
transportation center, stealing quick hugs and shedding quick tears, all the
while looking over their shoulders, afraid of getting caught.
Mr. Durkin does not come. This hurts Risa most of all.
She sleeps in a guest room in the home's welcome
center, then, at dawn, she's loaded onto a bus full of kids being transferred
from the huge StaHo complex to other places. She recognizes some faces, but
doesn't actually know any of her travel companions.
Across the aisle, a fairly nice-looking boy—a military boeuf by the look of him—gives her a smile.
"Hey," he says, flirting in a way only boeufs
can.
"Hey," Risa says back.
"I'm being transferred to the state naval academy,"
he says. "How about you?"
"Oh, me?" She quickly sifts through the air
for something impressive. "Miss Marple's Academy
for the Highly Gifted."
"She's lying," says a scrawny, pale boy
sitting on Risa's other side. "She's an Unwind."
Suddenly the boeuf boy leans
away, as if unwinding is contagious. "Oh," he says. "Well. . .
uh . . . that's too bad. See ya!" And he leaves
to sit with some other boeufs in the back.
"Thanks," snaps Risa at the scrawny kid.
The kid just shrugs. "It doesn't matter,
anyway." Then he holds out his hand to shake. "I'm Samson," he
says. "I'm an Unwind too."
Risa almost laughs. Samson. Such a strong name for
such a mealy boy. She doesn't shake his hand, still annoyed at having been
exposed to the handsome boeuf.
"So, what did you do to get yourself
unwound?" Risa asks.
"It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do."
"What didn't you do?"
"Anything," Samson answers.
It makes sense to Risa. Not doing anything is an easy
path to unwinding.
"I was never going to amount to much
anyway," Samson says, "but now, statistically speaking, there's a
better chance that some part of me will go on to greatness somewhere in the
world. I'd rather be partly great than entirely useless."
The fact that his twisted logic almost makes sense
just makes her angrier. "Hope you enjoy harvest camp, Samson." Then
she leaves to find another seat.
"Please sit down!" calls the chaperone from
the front, but no one's listening to her. The bus is full of kids moving from
seat to seat, trying to find kindred spirits or trying to escape them. Risa
finds herself a window seat, with no one beside her.
This bus trip will be only the first leg of her
journey. They explained to her—to all the kids after they boarded the bus— that they would
first be taken to a central transportation center, where kids from dozens of
state homes would be sorted onto buses that would take them to wherever they
were going. Risa's next bus would be a bus full of Samsons.
Wonderful. She had already considered the possibility of sneaking onto another
bus, but the bar codes on their waistbands make that an impossibility. It's all
perfectly organized, and foolproof. Still, Risa occupies her mind with all the
scenarios that could lead to escape.
That's when she sees the commotion out of her window.
It's farther up the road. Squad cars are on the other side of the freeway, and
as the bus changes lanes, she sees two figures in the road: two kids racing
across traffic. One kid has the other in a chokehold and is practically
dragging him. And both of them have run right in front of the bus.
Risa's head is slammed against the window as the bus
suddenly pulls to the right to avoid the two kids. The bus fills with gasps
and screams, and Risa is thrown forward, down the aisle, as the bus comes to a
sudden, jarring stop. Her hip is hurt, but not bad. It's just a bruise. She
gets up, quickly taking stock of the situation. The bus leans sideways. It's
off the road, in a ditch. The windshield is smashed, and it's covered with
blood. Lots of it.
Kids around her all check themselves. Like her, no one
is badly hurt, although some are making more of a fuss than others. The
chaperone tries to calm down one girl who's hysterical.
And in this chaos, Risa has a sudden realization.
This is not part of the plan.
The system might have a million contingencies for
state wards trying to screw with things, but they don't have a plan of action
for dealing with an accident. For the next few seconds, all bets are off.
Risa fixes her eyes on the front door of the bus,
holds her breath, and races toward that door.
3 Lev
The party is big, the party is expensive, the party
has been planned for years.
There are at least two hundred people in the country
club's grand ballroom. Lev got to pick the band, he got to choose the food—he even got
to select the color of the linens: red and white—for the Cincinnati Reds—and
his name, Levi Jedediah Calder, is stamped in gold on the silk napkins for
people to take home as a remembrance.
This party is all for him. It's all about him.
And he's determined to have the best time of his life.
The adults at the party are relatives, friends of the
family, his parents' business associates—but at least eighty of the guests
are Lev's friends. There are kids from school, from church, and from the
various sports teams he's been on. Some of his friends had felt funny about
coming of course.
"I don't know, Lev," they had said,
"it's kind of weird. I mean, what kind of present am I supposed to
bring?"
"You don't have to bring anything," Lev had
told them. "There are no presents at a tithing party. Just come and
have a good time. I know / will."
And he does.
He asks every girl he invited to dance, and not a
single one turns him down. He even has people lift him up in a chair and dance
with him around the room, because he had seen them do that at a Jewish friend's
bar mitzvah. True, this is a very different kind of party, but it's also a
celebration of him turning thirteen, so he deserves to get lifted up in a
chair too, doesn't he?
Lev finds that the dinner is served far too soon. He
looks at his watch to see that two hours have already gone by. How-could it
have gone so quickly?
Soon people grab the microphone and, holding up
glasses of champagne, they start making toasts to Lev. His parents give a
toast. His grandmother gives a toast. An uncle he doesn't even know gives a
toast.
"To Lev: It's been a joy to watch you grow into
the fine young man you are, and I know in my heart that you'll do great things
for everyone you touch in this world."
It feels wonderful and weird for so many people to say
so many kind things about him. It's all too much, but in some strange way it's
not enough. There's got to be more. More food. More dancing. More time. They're
already bringing out the birthday cake. Everyone knows the party ends once the
cake is served. Why are they bringing out the cake? Can it really be three
hours into the party?
Then comes one more toast. It's the toast that almost
ruins the evening.
Of Lev's many brothers and sisters, Marcus has been
the quietest all evening. It's unlike him. Lev should have known something was
going to happen. Lev, at thirteen, is the youngest often. Marcus, at twenty-eight,
is the oldest. He flew halfway across the country to be here at Lev's tithing
party, and yet he's barely danced, or spoken, or been a part of any of the
festivities. He's also drunk. Lev has never seen Marcus drunk.
It happens after the formal toasts are given, when
Lev's cake is being cut and distributed. It doesn't start as a toast; it starts
as just a moment between brothers.
"Congrats, little bro," Marcus says, giving
him a powerful hug. Lev can smell the alcohol on Marcus's breath. "Today
you're a man. Sort of."
Their father, sitting at the head table just a few
feet away, lets out a nervous chuckle.
"Thanks . . . sort of," Lev responds. He
glances at his parents. His father waits to see what's coming next. His
mother's pinched expression makes Lev feel tense.
Marcus stares at Lev with a smile that doesn't hold
any of the emotion a smile usually comes with. "What do you think of all
this?" he asks Lev.
"It's great."
"Of course it is! All these people here for you?
It's an amazing night. Amazing!"
"Yeah," says Lev. He's not sure where this
is going, but he knows it's going somewhere. "I'm having the time of my
life."
"Damn right! The time of your life! Gotta wrap up
all those life events, all those parties, into one—birthdays,
wedding, funeral." Then he turns to their father. "Very efficient,
right, Dad?"
"That's enough,'' their father says quietly, but
it only makes Marcus get louder.
"What? I'm not allowed to talk about it? Oh,
that's right—
this is a celebration. I almost forgot."
Lev wants Marcus to stop, but at the same time he
doesn't.
Mom stands up and says in a voice more forceful than
Dad's, "Marcus, sit down. You're embarrassing yourself."
By now everyone in the banquet hall has stopped whatever
they were doing and are tuned in to the unfolding family-drama. Marcus, seeing
he has the room's attention, picks up someone's half-empty glass of champagne,
and holds it high. "Here's to my brother, Lev," Marcus says.
"And to our parents! Who have always done the right thing. The appropriate
thing. Who have always given generously to charity. Who have always given
10 percent of everything to our church. Hey, Mom— we're lucky you had ten
kids instead of five, otherwise we'd end up having to cut Lev off at the
waist!"
Gasps from all
those assembled. People shaking their heads. Such disappointing
behavior from an eldest son.
Now Dad comes up and grabs Marcus's arm tightly.
"You're done!" Dad says. "Sit down."
Marcus shakes Dad's arm off. "Oh, I'll do better
than sit down." Now there are tears in Marcus's eyes as he turns to Lev.
"I love you, bro . . . and I know this is your special day. But I can't be
a part of this." He hurls the champagne glass against the wall, where it
shatters, spraying fragments of crystal all over the buffet table. Then he
turns and storms out with such steady confidence in his stride that Lev
realizes he's not drunk at all.
Lev's father signals the band and they kick into a
dance number even before Marcus is gone from the huge room. People begin to
fill the void of the dance floor, doing their best to make the awkward moment
go away.
"I'm sorry about that, Lev," his father
tells him. "Why don't you . . . why don't you go dance?"
But Lev finds he doesn't want to dance anymore. The
desire he had to be the center of attention left along with his brother.
"I'd like to talk to Pastor Dan, if that's all right."
"Of course it is."
Pastor Dan has been a family friend since before Lev
was born, and he has always been much easier to talk to than his parents about
any subject that required patience and wisdom.
The banquet hall is too loud, too crowded, so they go
outside to the patio overlooking the country club's golf course.
"Are you getting scared?" Pastor Dan asks.
He's always able to figure out what's on Lev's mind.
Lev nods. "I thought I was ready. I thought I was
prepared."
"It's natural. Don't worry about it,"
But it doesn't ease the disappointment Lev feels in
himself. He's had his entire life to prepare for this—it should
have been enough. He knew he was a tithe from the time he was little.
"You're special," his parents had always told him. "Your life
will be to serve God, and mankind." He doesn't remember how old he was
when he found out exactly what that meant for him.
"Have kids in school been giving you a hard
time?"
"No more than usual," Lev tells him. It's
true. All his life he's had to deal with kids who resented him, because grownups
treated him as if he was special. There were kids who were kind, and kids who
were cruel. That was life. It did bother him, though, when kids called him
things like "dirty Unwind." As if he was like those other kids,
whose parents signed the unwind order to get rid of them. That couldn't be
further from the truth for Lev. He is his family's pride and joy. Straight As
in school, MVP in little league. Just because he's to be unwound does NOT means
he's an Unwind.
There are, of course, a few other tithes at his
school, but they're all from other religions, so Lev has never felt a real
sense of camaraderie with them. The huge turnout at tonight's party testifies
to how many friends Lev has—but they're not like him: Their lives will be lived
in an undivided state. Their bodies and their futures are their own. Lev has
always felt closer to God than to his friends, or even his family. He often
wonders if being chosen always leaves a person so isolated. Or is there
something wrong with him?
"I've been having lots of wrong thoughts,"
Lev tells Pastor Dan.
"There are no wrong thoughts, only thoughts that
need to be worked through and overcome."
"Well . . . I've just been feeling jealous of my
brothers and sisters. I keep thinking of how the baseball team is going to miss
me. I know it's an honor and a blessing to be a tithe, but I can't stop
wondering why it has to be me."
Pastor Dan, who was always so good at looking people
in the eye, now looks away. "It was decided before you were born. It's not
anything you did, or didn't do."
"The thing is, I know tons of people with big
families . . ."
Pastor Dan nodded. "Yes, it's very common these
days."
"But lots of those people don't tithe at all—even
families in our church—and nobody blames them."
"There are also people who tithe their first,
second, or third child. Every family must make the decision for itself. Your
parents waited a long time before making the decision to have you."
Lev reluctantly nods, knowing it's true. He was a
"true tithe." With five natural siblings, plus one adopted, and three
that arrived "by stork," Lev was exactly one-tenth. His parents had
always told him that made him all the more special.
"I'll tell you something, Lev," Pastor Dan says, finally meeting
his eye. Like Marcus, his eyes are moist, just one step short of tears.
"I've watched all your brothers and sisters grow and, although I don't
like playing favorites, I think you are the finest of all of them in so many
ways, I wouldn't even know where to start. That's what God asks for, you know.
Not first fruits but best fruits."
"Thank you, sir." Pastor Dan always knows
what to say to make Lev feel better. "I'm ready for this," and saying
it makes him realize that, in spite of his fears and misgivings, he truly is
ready. This is everything he has lived for. Even so, his tithing party ends
much too soon.
* * *
In the morning the Calders
have to eat breakfast in the dining room, with all the leaves in the table. All
of Lev's brothers and sisters are there. Only a few of them still live at home,
but today they've all come over for breakfast. All of them, that is, except Marcus.
Yet, for such a large family it's unusually quiet, and
the clatter of silverware on china makes the lack of conversation even more
conspicuous.
Lev, dressed in his silk tithing whites, eats
carefully, so as not to leave any stains on his clothes. After breakfast, the
good-byes are long, full of hugs and kisses. It's the worst part. Lev wishes
they would all just let him go and get the good-byes over with.
Pastor Dan arrives—he's come at Lev's request—and once
he's there, the good-byes move more quickly. Nobody wants to waste the pastor's
valuable time. Lev is the first one out in his Dad's Cadillac, and although he
tries not to look back as his father starts the car and drives away, he can't
help it. He watches as his home disappears behind them.
I will never see that home again, he thinks, but he pushes the thought out of his mind.
It's unproductive, unhelpful, selfish. He looks at Pastor Dan, who sits beside
him in the backseat watching him, and the pastor smiles.
"It's all right, Lev," he says. Just hearing
him say it makes it so.
"How far is the harvest camp?" Lev asks to
whoever cares to. answer.
"It's about an hour from here," his Mom
says.
"And . . . will they do it right away?"
His parents look to each other. "I'm sure
there'll be an orientation," says his father.
That short answer makes it clear to Lev that they
don't know any more than he does.
As they pull onto the interstate, Lev rolls down the
window to feel the wind on his face, and closes his eyes to prepare himself.
This is what I was born for. It's what I've lived my
life for. I am chosen. I am blessed. And I am happy.
Suddenly his father slams on the brakes.
With his eyes closed, Lev doesn't see the reason for
their unexpected stop. He just feels the sharp deceleration of the Cadillac and
the pull of the seat belt on his shoulder. He opens his eyes to see they have
stopped on the interstate. Police lights flash. And—was that a
gunshot he just heard?
"What's
going on?"
Then, just outside his window is another kid, a few
years older than him. He looks scared. He looks dangerous. Lev reaches over to
quickly put up his window, but before he can this kid reaches in, pulls up the
lock on the door, and tugs the door open. Lev is frozen. He doesn't know what
to do. "Mom? Dad?" he calls.
The boy with murder in his eyes tugs on Lev's white
silk shirt, trying to pull him out of the car, but the seat belt holds him
tight.
"What are you doing? Leave me alone!"
Lev's mom screams for his father to do something, but
he's fumbling with his own seat belt.
The maniac reaches over and in one swift motion
unclips Lev's seat belt. Pastor Dan grabs at the intruder, who responds with a
quick powerful punch—a jab right at Pastor Dan's jaw. The shock of seeing such
violence distracts Lev at a crucial moment. The maniac tugs on him again, and
this time Lev falls out of the car, hitting his head on the pavement. When he
looks up he sees his father finally getting out of the car, but the crazy kid
swings the car door hard against him, sending him flying.
"Dad!" His father lands in the path of an
oncoming car. The car swerves and, thank God, it misses him—but it cuts
off another car, hitting it, that car spins out of control, and the sound of
crashes fills the air. Lev is pulled to his feet again by the kid, who grabs
Lev's arm and drags him off. Lev is small for his age. This kid is a couple of
years older, and much bigger. Lev can't break free.
"Stop!" yells Lev. "You can have whatever
you want. Take my wallet," he says, even though he has no wallet.
"Take the car. Just don't hurt anyone."
The kid considers the car, but only for an instant.
Bullets now fly past them. On the southbound roadway are policemen who have
finally stopped traffic on their side of the interstate, and have made it to
the median dividing the north and southbound lanes. The closest officer fires
again. A tranq bullet hits the Cadillac and splatters.
The crazy kid now puts Lev into a choke hold, holding
Lev between himself and the officers. Lev realizes that he doesn't want a car,
or money: He wants a hostage.
"Stop struggling—I've got a gun!" And
Lev feels the kid poke him in the side. Lev knows it's not a gun—he knows it's just the kid's finger, but this is clearly an
unstable individual, and he doesn't want to set him off.
"I'm worthless as a human shield," Lev says,
trying to reason with him. "Those are tranq bullets they're shooting,
which means the cops don't care if they hit me—they'll just knock me out."
"Better you than me."
Bullets fly past them as they wind around swerving
traffic. "Please—you don't understand—you can't take me now, I'm being
tithed. I'll miss my harvest! You'll ruin everything!"
And finally, a hint of humanity comes to the maniac's
eyes. "You're an Unwind?"
There are a million more things to be furious about,
but Lev finds himself incensed by what he's just been called. "I'm a tithe!"
A blaring horn, and Lev turns to see a bus bearing
down on them. Before either of them has a chance to scream, the bus careens off
the road to avoid them and smashes head-on against the fat trunk of a huge oak,
stopping the bus cold.
There's blood all over the smashed windshield. It's
the bus driver's blood. He hangs halfway through, and he's not moving.
"Oh, crap!" says the maniac, a creepy whine
in his voice. A girl has just stepped out of the bus. The crazy kid looks at
her, and Lev realizes that now, while he's distracted, is the last chance he's going
to have to get away. This kid is an animal. The only way to deal with him is
for Lev to become an animal himself. So Lev grabs the arm that's locked around
his neck and sinks his teeth in with the full force of his jaws until he tastes
blood. The kid screams, letting go, and Lev bolts away, racing toward his
father's car.
As he nears it, a back door opens. It's Pastor Dan
opening the door to receive him, yet the expression on the man's face is
anything but happy.
With his face already swelling from the crazy kid's
brutal punch, Pastor Dan says with a hiss and strange warble to his voice,
"Bun, Lev!"
Lev wasn't expecting this. "What?"
"Run! Run as fast and as far as you can.
RUN!"
Lev stands there, impotent, unable to move, unable to
process this. Why is Pastor Dan telling him to run? Then comes a sudden pain in
his shoulder, and everything starts spinning round and round and down a drain
into darkness.
4 Connor
The pain in Connor's arm is unbearable. That little
monster actually bit him—practically took a chunk out of his forearm. Another car
slams the brakes to avoid hitting him, and gets rear-ended. The tranq bullets
have stopped flying, but he knows that's temporary. The accidents have gotten
the Juvey-cops momentarily distracted, but they won't stay that way for long.
Just then, he makes eye contact with the girl who got
off the bus. He thinks she's going to go stumbling toward all the people who
are running from their cars to help, but instead she turns and runs into the
woods. Has the whole world gone insane?
Still holding his stinging, bleeding arm, he turns to
run into the woods as well, but stops. He turns back to see the kid in white
just reaching his car. Connor doesn't know where the Juvey-cops are. They're
lurking, no doubt, somewhere in the tangle of vehicles. That's when Connor
makes a split-second decision. He knows it's a stupid decision, but he can't
help himself. All he knows is that he's caused death today. The bus driver's,
maybe more. Even if it risks everything, he's got to balance it somehow. He's
got to do something decent, something good to make up for the awful
consequence of his kicking-AWOL. And so, battling his own instinct for
self-preservation, he races toward the kid in white who was so happily going to
his own unwinding.
It's as Connor gets close that he sees the cop twenty
yards away, raising his weapon, and firing. He shouldn't have risked this! He
should have gotten away when he could. Connor waits for the telltale sting of
the tranq bullet but it never comes, because the moment the bullet is fired,
the boy in white takes a step back, and he's hit in the shoulder. Two seconds,
and his knees buckle. The kid hits the ground, out cold, unwittingly taking the
bullet meant for Connor.
Connor wastes no time. He picks the kid up off the
ground and flips him over his shoulder. Tranq bullets fly, but no others
connect. In a few seconds Connor's past the bus, where a gaggle of
shell-shocked teens are getting off. He pushes past them and into the woods.
The woods are dense, not just with trees but with tall
shrubs and vines, yet there's already a path of broken branches and parted
shrubs made by the girl who ran from the bus. They might as well have arrows
pointing the police in their direction. He sees the girl up ahead and calls
out to her. "Stop!" She turns, but only for an instant, then renews
her battle with the dense growth all around her.
Connor gently puts down the boy in white and hurries
forward, catching up with her. He grabs her arm gently, yet firmly enough so
that she can't pull away. "Whatever you're running from, you won't get
away unless we work together," he tells her. He glances behind him to make
sure that no Juvey-cops are in sight yet. There aren't. "Please—we don't
have much time."
The girl stops
fighting the bushes and looks at him.
"What
do you have in mind?"
5 Cop
Officer J. T. Nelson has spent twelve years working
Juvenile. He knows AWOL Unwinds will not give up as long as there's an ounce of
consciousness left in them. They are high on adrenaline, and often high on
illegal substances as well. Nicotine, caffeine, or worse. He wishes his bullets
were the real thing. He wishes he could truly take these wastes-of-life out
rather than just taking them down. Maybe then they wouldn't be so quick to run—and if they
did, well, no great loss.
The officer follows the path made through the woods by
the AWOL Unwind, until he comes to a lump on the ground. It's the hostage, just
dumped in the path, his white clothes smudged green from the foliage, and brown
from the muddy earth. Good, thinks the officer. It was a good thing this
boy took that bullet after all. Being unconscious probably saved this kid's
life. No telling where the Unwind would have taken him, or what he'd have done
to him.
"Help me!" says a voice just ahead of him.
It's the voice of a girl. The officer isn't expecting this.
"Help me, please, I'm hurt!"
Deeper in the woods a girl sits up against a tree,
holding her arm, grimacing in pain. He doesn't have time for this, but
"Protect and Serve" is more than just a motto to him. He sometimes
wishes he didn't have such moral integrity.
He goes over to the girl. "What are you doing
here?"
"I was on the bus. I got off and ran away because
I was scared it would explode. I think my arm's broken."
He looks at the girl's arm. It's not even bruised.
This should be his first clue, but his mind is already too far ahead of him to
catch it. "Stay here, I'll be right back." He turns, ready to pick up
his pursuit, when something drops on him from above. Not something, someone.
The AWOL Unwind! The officer is knocked to the ground, and suddenly there are
two figures attacking him—the Unwind and the girl. They're in this together. How
could he have been so stupid? He reaches for his tranq pistol, but it's not there.
Instead he feels its muzzle against his left thigh, and he sees triumph in the
Unwinds dark, vicious eyes.
"Nighty-night,"
the Unwind says.
A sharp pain in the officer's leg, and the world goes
away.
6 Lev
Lev wakes up to a dull ache in his shoulder. He thinks
maybe he slept funny, but he quickly realizes the ache is from an injury. His
left shoulder was the entry point of a tranq bullet, though he doesn't realize
that just yet. All the things that had happened to him twelve hours before are
like faint clouds in his mind that have lost their shape. All he knows for sure
is that he was on his way to his tithing, he was kidnapped by a murderous
teenager, and for some strange reason the image of Pastor Dan keeps coming back
to him.
Pastor Dan was telling him to run.
He's sure that it must be a false memory, because he
can't believe Pastor Dan would do such a thing.
Everything's blurry as Lev opens his eyes. He doesn't
know where he is, only that it's night and he's not where he should be. The
insane teen who took him sits across a small fire. There's a girl there, too.
That's when he realizes he'd been hit by a tranq
bullet. His head hurts, he feels like he might puke, and his brain is still
only at half power. He tries to get up, but can't. At first he thinks that's
also because of the tranquilizers, but then he realizes he's tied to a tree by
thick vines.
He tries to speak, but his voice comes out as a little
groan and a lot of drool. The boy and girl look at him, and he's sure they're
going to kill him now. They kept him alive just so he'd be awake when they
killed him. Maniacs are like that.
"Look who's back from Tranqville,"
says the boy with wild eyes. Only his eyes aren't wild now, just his hair—it's all
sticking up like he slept on it.
Although Lev's tongue feels like rubber, he manages to
get out a single word. "Where . . ."
"Not sure," says the boy.
Then the girl adds, "But at least you're
safe."
Safe? thinks
Lev. What could possibly be safe about this?
"H. . . h. . . hostage?" Lev gets out.
The boy looks to the girl, then back to Lev.
"Kind of. I guess." These two talk in an easy tone of voice, like
they're all friends. They're trying to lull me into a false sense of
security', thinks Lev. They're trying to get me on their side, so I'll
take part in whatever criminal activities they have planned. There's an
expression for that, isn't there? When a hostage joins the kidnappers' cause?
The Something syndrome.
The crazy kid looks to a pile of berries and nuts
obviously foraged from the woods. "You hungry?"
Lev nods, but the act of nodding makes his head spin
so much, he realizes that no matter how7 hungry he is, he'd better
not eat, because it'll come right back up. "No," he says.
"You sound confused," says the girl.
"Don't worry, it's just the tranqs. They should
wear off pretty soon."
Stockholm syndrome! That's it! Well, Lev won't be won over by this pair of kidnappers.
He'll never be on their side.
Pastor Dan told me to run.
What had he meant? Did he mean run from the
kidnappers? Maybe, but he seemed to be saying something else entirely. Lev
closes his eyes and chases the thought away.
"My parents will look for me," Lev says, his
mouth finally able to put together whole sentences.
The kids don't answer because they probably know it's
true.
"How much is the ransom?" Lev asks.
"Ransom? There's no ransom," says the crazy
kid. "I took you to save you, idiot!"
To save him? Lev just stares at him in disbelief.
"But . . . but my tithing . . ."
The crazy kid looks at him and shakes his head.
"I've never seen a kid in such a hurry to be unwound."
It's no use trying to explain to this godless pair
what tithing is all about. How giving of one's self is the ultimate blessing.
They'd never understand or care. Save him? They haven't saved him, they've
damned him.
Then Lev realizes something. He realizes that he can
use this entire situation to his advantage. "My name's Lev," he says,
trying to play it as cool as he can.
"Pleased to meet you, Lev," says the girl.
"I'm Risa, and this is Connor."
Connor throws her a dirty look, making it clear that
she gave him their real names. Not a good idea for hostage-takers, but then
most criminals are stupid like that.
"Didn't mean for you to take the tranq
bullet," Connor tells him. "But the cop was a bad shot."
"Not your fault," says Lev, even though
every bit of it is Connor's fault. Lev thinks about what happened, and says,
"I would never have run from my own tithing." That much, Lev knows,
is true.
"Good thing I was around, then," says
Connor.
"Yeah," says Risa. "If it wasn't for
Connor running across that highway, I'd probably be unwound by now too."
There's a moment of silence, then Lev, biting back his
anger and revulsion, says, "Thank you. Thank you for saving me."
"Don't mention it," says Connor.
Good. Let them think he's grateful. Let them think
they're earning his trust. And once they're lulled into their own false sense
of security, he'll make sure they both get exactly what they deserve.
7 Connor
Connor should have kept the Juvey-cop's gun, but he wasn't
thinking. He was so freaked out at having tranq'd a
cop with his own weapon, he just dropped it and ran—just as he
dropped his backpack on the interstate so he could carry Lev. His wallet with
all his money was in that pack. Now he has nothing but pocket lint.
It's late now—or, more accurately, early—almost
dawn. He and Risa had kept moving through the woods all day, as best they could
with Connor having to carry an unconscious tithe. Once night fell, he and Risa
had taken turns keeping watch while the other slept.
Connor knows that Lev can't be trusted, that's why
Connor tied him to the tree—but there's no reason to trust this girl who had come
running out of a bus either. It's only their common goal of staying alive that
binds them.
The moon has left the sky now, but there's a faint
glow promising a quick arrival of dawn. By now their faces would be everywhere.
Have you seen these teens? Do not approach. Considered extremely dangerous.
Call the police immediately. Funny how Connor had wasted so much time in
school trying to convince people he was dangerous, but when it came down to it,
he was never sure if he was all that dangerous at all. A danger to himself,
maybe.
All the while, Lev watches him. At first the boy's
eyes had been lazy and his head lolling to one side, but now those eyes are
sharp. Even in the dimness of the dying fire Connor can see them. Chilly blue.
Calculating. This kid is an odd bird. Connor's not quite sure what's going on on Planet Lev, and not quite sure he wants to know.
"That bite's gonna get infected if you don't take
care of it," Lev says.
Connor looks to the spot on his arm where Lev bit him,
still puffy and red. He had tuned the pain out until Lev reminded him.
"I'll deal with it."
Lev continues to study him. "Why are you being
unwound?"
Connor doesn't like the question for a whole lot of
reasons. "You mean why WAS I being unwound—because, as you can see, I'm
not being unwound anymore."
"They
will if they catch you."
Connor feels like punching that smug look off the
kid's face, but he restrains himself. He didn't rescue the kid just to beat him
up.
"So, what's it like," Connor asks,
"knowing all your life you're going to be sacrificed?" He meant it as
a jab, but Lev takes the question seriously.
"It's better than going through life without
knowing your purpose."
Connor's not sure if that was intentionally meant to
make him squirm—as if his life has no purpose. It makes him feel like he's
the one tied to a tree, not Lev. "I guess it could be worse,"
says Connor. "We could have all ended up like Humphrey Dunfee."
Lev seems surprised by the mention of the name.
"You know that story? I thought they only told it in my
neighborhood."
"Nah," says Connor. "Kids tell it
everywhere."
"It's made up," says Risa, having just woken
up.
"Maybe," says Connor. "But there was
this one time a friend and I tried to find out about it while surfing one of
the school's computers. We hit this one website that talked about it, and how
his parents went all psycho. Then the computer crashed. It turns out we were
hit by a virus that wiped out the entire district server. Coincidence? I don't
think so."
Lev's taken in, but Risa, fairly disgusted, says,
"Well, I'll never end up like Humphrey Dunfee, because you have to
have parents for them to go psycho—and I don't." She stands up.
Connor looks away from the dying fire to see that dawn has arrived.
"If we're going to keep from being caught, then
we should change direction again," Risa says. "We should also think
about disguising ourselves."
"Like how?" asks Connor.
"I don't know. Change our clothes first. Haircuts maybe.
They'll be looking for two boys and a girl. Maybe I can disguise myself as a
boy."
Connor takes a good look at her and smiles. Risa's
pretty. Not in the way Ariana was pretty—in a better
way. Ariana's prettiness was all about makeup and
pigment injections and stuff. Risa has a natural kind of beauty. Without
thinking, Connor reaches out to touch her hair, and gently says, "I don't
think you could ever pass for a guy—"
Then suddenly, he finds his hand tugged behind him,
his whole body spins around, and she painfully wrenches his arm up the small of
his back. It hurts so much, he can't even say "Ouch." All he can say
is, "Eh-eh-eh!"
"Touch me again and your arm gets ripped
off," Risa tells him. "Got that?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Hands off. Got it."
Over at the oak tree, Lev laughs, apparently pleased
to see Connor in pain.
She lets him go, but his shoulder still throbs.
"You didn't have to do that," Connor says, trying not to show how
much it still hurts. "It's not like I was going to hurt you or
anything."
"Yeah, well, now you won't for sure," says
Risa, maybe sounding a bit guilty for being so harsh. "Don't forget I
lived in a state home."
Connor nods. He knows about StaHo kids. They have to
learn to take care of themselves real young, or their lives are not very
pleasant. He should have realized she was a touch-me-not.
"Excuse me," says Lev, "but we can't go
anywhere if I'm tied to a tree."
Still, Connor doesn't like that judgmental look in
Lev's eyes. "How do we know you won't run?"
"You don't, but until you untie me, I'm a
hostage," Lev-says. "Once I'm free, I'm a fugitive, like you. Tied
up, I'm the enemy. Cut loose, I'm a friend."
"If you don't run," says Connor.
Risa impatiently begins untying the vines.
"Unless we want to leave him here, we'll have to take that chance."
Connor kneels to help, and in a few moments, Lev is free. He stands and
stretches, rubbing his shoulder where the tranq bullet had hit him. Lev's eyes
are still blue ice and hard for Connor to read, but he's not running. Maybe,
thinks Connor, he's over the "duty" of being tithed. Maybe
he's finally starting to see the sense of staying alive.
8 Risa
Risa finds herself unsettled by the food wrappers and
broken bits of plastic they start coming across in the woods, because the first
sign of civilization is always trash. Civilization means people who could
recognize them if their faces have been smeared on the newsnet.
Risa knows that staying completely clear of human
contact is an impossibility. She has no illusion about their chances, or their
ability to remain unseen. As much as they need to remain anonymous, they cannot
get by entirely alone. They need the help of others.
"No, we don't," Connor is quick to argue as
the signs of civilization grow around them. It's not just trash now, but the
mossy remnants of a knee-high stone wall, and the rusty remains of an old
electrical tower from the days when electricity was transmitted by wires.
"We don't need anyone. We'll take what we need."
Risa sighs, trying to hold together a patience that
has already worn through. "I'm sure you're very good at stealing, but 1
don't think it's a good idea."
Connor appears insulted by the insinuation. "What
do you think—people
are just going to give us food and whatever else we need out of the goodness of
their hearts?"
"No," says Risa, "but if we're clever
about it instead of rushing into this blind, we'll have a better chance."
Her words or maybe just her intentionally
condescending tone makes Connor storm off.
Risa notices Lev watching the argument from a
distance. If he's going to run, thinks Risa, now's the time for him to do
it, while Connor and I are busy fighting.
And then it occurs to her that this
is an excellent opportunity to test Lev, and see if he really is standing by
them now, or biding his time until he can escape.
"Don't you walk away from me!" she growls at
Connor, doing her best to keep the argument alive, all the while keeping an eye
on Lev to see if he bolts. "I'm still talking to you!"
Connor turns toward her. "Who says I have to
listen?"
"You would if you had half a brain, but obviously
you don't!"
Connor moves closer until he's deeper into her
airspace than she likes anyone to get. "If it wasn't for me you'd be on
your way to harvest camp!" he says. Risa raises a hand to push him back,
but his hand shoots up faster, and he grabs her wrist before she can shove him.
This is the moment Risa realizes she's gone too far. What does she really know
about this boy? He was going to be unwound. Maybe there's a reason for it.
Maybe a good reason.
Risa is careful not to struggle because struggling
gives him the advantage. She lets her tone of voice convey all the weight.
"Let go of me."
"Why? Exactly what do you think I'll do to
you?"
"This is the second time you've touched me
without permission," Risa says. Still, he does not let go—yet she
does notice his grip isn't all that threatening. It isn't tight, it's loose. It
isn't rough, it's gentle. She could easily pull out of it with a simple flick
of her wrist. So why doesn't she?
Risa knows he's doing this to make a point, but what
the point is, Risa isn't sure. Is he warning her that he can hurt her if he
wants to? Or maybe his message is in the gentle nature of his grip—a way of
saying he's not the hurting type.
Well, it doesn't matter, thinks Risa. Even a gentle violation is a violation.
She looks at his knee. A well-placed kick could break
his kneecap.
"I could take you out in a second," she
threatens.
If he's concerned, he doesn't show it. "I
know."
Somehow he also knows that she won't do it—that the
first time was just a reflex. If she were
to hurt him a second time, though, it would be a conscious act. It would be by
choice.
"Step off," she says. Her voice now lacks
the force it had only moments before.
This time he listens and lets go, moving back to a
respectable distance. They both could have hurt one another, but neither of
them did. Risa isn't quite sure what that means, all she knows is that she
feels angry at him for such a mixture of reasons, she can't sort them out.
Then suddenly a voice calls to them from the right.
"This is very entertaining and all, but I don't think fighting is going to
help much."
It's Lev—and Risa realizes that her little
ruse has backfired. She had set out to test him with a fake argument but the
argument turned real, and in the process she completely forgot about Lev. He
could have taken off, and they would not have known until he was long gone.
Risa throws Connor an evil look for good measure and
the three of them continue on. It isn't until ten minutes later, when Lev goes
off to relieve himself in private, that Connor talks to Risa again.
"Good one," Connor says. "It
worked."
"What?"
Connor leans closer and whispers, "The argument.
You put it on to see if Lev would run when we weren't paying attention,
right?"
Risa is bowled over. "You knew that?"
Connor looks at her, a bit amused. "Well . . .
yeah."
If Risa felt uncertain about him before, it's even
worse now. She has no idea what to think. "So . . . everything that
happened back there was all a show?"
Now it's Connor's turn to be unsure. "I guess.
Sort of. Wasn't it?"
Risa has to hold back a smile. Suddenly she's feeling
strangely at ease with Connor. She marvels at how that could be. If their
argument had been entirely real, she'd be on her guard against him. If it had
been entirely a show she'd be on guard too, because if he could lie so
convincingly, she'd never be able to trust him. But this was a mixture of both.
It was real, it was pretend, and that combination made it all right—it made it
safe, like performing death-defying acrobatic tricks above a safety net.
She holds on to that unexpected feeling as the two of
them catch up with Lev, and move toward the frightening prospect of
civilization.
Part Two
Storked
"You can't change laws without first changing human nature."
— Nurse Greta
"You can't change human nature without first changing the law."
—Nurse Yvonne
9 Mother
The mother is nineteen, but she doesn't feel that old.
She feels no wiser, no more capable of dealing with this situation, than a
little girl. When, she wonders, did she stop being a child? The law says it was
when she turned eighteen, but the law doesn't know her.
Still aching from the trauma of delivery, she holds
her newborn close. It's just after dawn on a chilly morning. She moves now
through back alleys. Not a soul around. Dumpsters cast angular black shadows.
Broken bottles everywhere. This she knows is the perfect time of day to do
this. There's less of a chance that coyotes and other scavengers would be out.
She couldn't bear the thought of the baby suffering needlessly.
A large green Dumpster looms before her, listing
crookedly on the uneven pavement of the alley. She holds the baby tight, as if
the Dumpster might grow hands and pull the baby into its filthy depths.
Maneuvering around it, she continues down the alley.
There was a time, shortly after the Bill of Life was
passed, that Dumpsters such as that would be tempting to girls like her.
Desperate girls who would leave unwanted newborns in the trash. It had become
so common that it wasn't even deemed newsworthy anymore—it had
become just a part of life.
Funny, but the Bill of Life was supposed to protect
the sanctity of life. Instead it just made life cheap. Thank goodness for the Storking Initiative, that wonderful law that allows girls
like her a far better alternative.
As dawn becomes early morning, she leaves the alleys
and enters a neighborhood that gets better with each street she crosses. The
homes are large and inviting. This is the right neighborhood for storking.
She chooses the home shrewdly. The house she decides
on isn't the largest, but it's not the smallest, either. It has a very short
walkway to the street, so she can get away quickly, and it's overgrown with
trees, so no one either inside or out will be able to see her as she storks the
newborn.
She carefully approaches the front door. No lights are
on in the home yet, that's good. There's a car in the driveway— hopefully
that means they're home. She gingerly climbs the porch steps, careful not to
make a sound, then kneels down, placing the sleeping baby on the welcome mat.
There are two blankets wrapped around the baby, and a wool cap covers its head.
She makes the blankets nice and tight. It's the only thing she's learned to do
as a mother.
She considers ringing the bell and running, but she
realizes that would not be a good idea. If they catch her, she's obliged to
keep the baby—that's
part of the Storking Initiative too—but if they open
the door and find nothing but the child, it's "finder's
keepers" in the eyes of the law. Whether they want it or not, the baby is
legally theirs.
From the time she learned she was pregnant she knew
she would end up storking this baby. She had hoped
that when she finally saw it, looking up at her so helplessly, she might change
her mind—but
who was she kidding? With neither the skill nor the desire to be a mother at
this point in her life, storking had always been her
best option.
She realizes she's lingered longer than is wise.
There's an upstairs light on now, so she forces herself to look away from the
sleeping newborn, and leaves. With the burden now lifted from her, she has
sudden strength. She now has a second chance in life, and this time she'll be
smarter—she's
sure of it. As she hurries down the
street, she thinks how wonderful it is that she can get a second chance. How
wonderful it is that she can dismiss her responsibility so easily.
10 Risa
Several streets away from the storked
newborn, at the edge of a dense wood, Risa stands at the door of a home. She
rings the bell, and a woman answers in her bathrobe.
Risa offers the woman a big smile. "Hi, my name
is Didi? And I'm collecting clothes and food for our
school? We're, like, giving them to the homeless? And it's like this
competition—
whoever gets the most wins a trip to Florida or something? So it would be
really, really great if you could help out?"
The sleepy woman tries to get her brain up to speed
with "Didi," airhead for the homeless. The
woman can't get a word in edgewise because Didi talks
way too fast. If Risa had had a piece of chewing gum, she would have popped a
bubble somewhere in there to add more authenticity.
"Please-please-pretty-please? I'm, like, in
second place right now?"
The woman at the door sighs, resigned to the fact that
"Didi" isn't going away empty-handed, and
sometimes the best way to get rid of girls like this is just to give them
something. "I'll be right back," the woman says.
Three minutes later, Risa walks away from the house
with a bag full of clothes and canned food.
"That was amazing," says Connor, who had
been watching with Lev from the edge of the woods.
"What can 1 say? I'm an artist," she says.
"It's like playing the piano; you just have to know which keys to strike
in people."
Connor smiles. "You're right, this is way better
than stealing."
"Actually," says Lev, "scamming IS
stealing."
Risa feels a bit prickly and uncomfortable at the
thought, but tries not to show it.
"Maybe so," says Connor, "but it's stealing
with style."
The woods have ended at a tract community. Manicured
lawns have turned yellow along with the leaves. Autumn has truly taken hold.
The homes here are almost identical, but not quite, full of people almost
identical, but not quite. It's a world Risa knows about only through magazines
and TV. To her, suburbia is a magical kingdom. Perhaps that's why Risa was the
one who had the nerve to approach the house and pretend to be Didi. The neighborhood drew her like the smell of fresh
bread baking in the industrial ovens of Ohio State Home 23.
Back in the woods where they can't be seen from
anyone's window, they check their goody bag, as if it's full of Halloween
candy.
There's a pair of pants and a blue button-down shirt
that fits Connor. There's a jacket that fits Lev. There are no clothes for
Risa, but that's okay. She can play Didi again at a
different house.
"I still don't know how changing our clothes is
going to make a difference." Connor asks.
"Don't you ever watch TV?" says Risa.
"On the cop shows they always describe what perps
were last wearing when they put out an APB."
"We're not perps,"
says Connor, "we're AWOLs."
"We're felons," says Lev. "Because what
you're doing—I
mean, what we're doing—is a federal crime."
"What, stealing clothes?" asks Connor.
"No, stealing ourselves. Once the unwind orders
were signed, we all became government property. Kicking-AWOL makes us federal
criminals."
It doesn't sit well with Risa, or for that matter with
Connor, but they both shake it off.
This excursion into a populated area is dangerous but
necessary. Perhaps as the morning goes on they can find a library where they
can download maps and find themselves a wilderness large enough to get lost in
for good. There are rumors of hidden communities of AWOL Unwinds. Maybe they
can find one.
As they move cautiously through the neighborhood, a
woman approaches them—just a girl, really, maybe nineteen or twenty. She walks
fast, but she's walking funny, like she's got some injury or is recovering from
one. Risa's certain she's going to see them and recognize them, but the girl
passes without even making eye contact and hurries around a corner.
11 Connor
Exposed. Vulnerable. Connor wishes they could have
stayed in the woods, but there are only so many acorns and berries he can eat.
They'll find food in town. Food, and information.
"This is the best time not to be noticed,"
Connor tells the others. "Everyone's in a hurry in the morning. Late to
work, or whatever."
Connor finds a newspaper in the bushes, misthrown by a delivery boy. "Look at this!" says
Lev. "A newspaper. How retro is that?"
"Does it talk about us?" asks Lev. He says
it like it's a good thing. The three of them scan the front page. The war in
Australia, King politicians—the same old stuff. Connor turns the page clumsily. Its
pages are large and awkward. They tear easily and catch the breeze like a kite,
making it hard to read.
No mention of them on page two, or page three.
"Maybe it's an old newspaper," suggests
Risa.
Connor checks the date on top. "No, it's
today's." He fights against the breeze to turn the page. "Ah—there it
is."
The headline reads, PILEUP ON INTERSTATE. It's a very
small article. A morning car accident, blah-blah-blah, traffic snarled
for hours, blah-blah-blah. The article mentions the dead bus driver, the
fact that the road was closed for three hours. But nothing about them. Connor
reads the last line of the article aloud.
"It is believed that police activity in the area
may have distracted drivers, leading to the accident."
They're all dumbfounded. For Connor, there's a sense
of relief—a
sense of having gotten away with something huge.
"That can't be right," says Lev, "I was
kidnapped, or . . . uh . . . at least they think I was. That should be
in the news."
"Lev's right," says Risa. "They always
have incidents with Unwinds in the news. If we're not in there, there's a
reason."
Connor can't believe these two are looking this gift
horse in the mouth! He speaks slowly as if to idiots. "No news report
means no pictures—and that means people won't recognize us. I don't see why
that's a problem."
Risa folds her arms. "Why are there no
pictures?"
"I don't know—maybe the police are keeping it
quiet because they don't want people to know they screwed up."
Risa shakes her head. "It doesn't feel right. . .
."
"Who cares how it feels!"
"Keep your voice down!" Risa says in an
angry whisper. Connor fights to keep his temper under control. He doesn't say
anything for fear he's going to start yelling again and draw attention to them.
He can see Risa puzzling over the situation and Lev looking back and forth
between the two of them. Risa's not stupid, thinks Connor. She's
going to figure out that this is a good thing, and that she's worrying for
nothing.
But instead, Risa says, "If we're never in the
news, then who's going to know if we live or die? See—if it's all
over the news that they're tracking us, then when they find us, they have to
take us down with tranquilizer bullets and take us to be harvested,
right?"
Connor has no idea why she's stating the obvious.
"So, what's your point?"
"What if they don't want to take us to be
unwound. What if they want us dead?"
Connor opens his mouth to tell her how stupid that is,
but stops himself. Because it's not stupid at all.
"Lev," says Risa, "your family's pretty
rich, right?"
Lev shrugs modestly. "I guess."
"What if they paid off the police to get you back
by killing the kidnappers . . . and to do it quietly, so no one ever knew it
happened?"
Connor looks to Lev, hoping the kid will laugh at the
very suggestion, telling them that his parents would never, ever do such a
terrible thing. Lev, however, is curiously silent about it as he considers the
possibility.
And at that moment two things happen. A police car
turns onto the street, and somewhere very close by, a baby begins to cry.
* * *
Run!
This is the first thought in Connor's mind, his first
instinct, but Risa grabs his arm tightly the moment she sees the police car,
and it makes him hesitate. Connor knows hesitation can mean the difference
between life and death in dire situations. But not today. Today it gives him
enough time to do something Connor rarely does in an emergency. He goes beyond
his first thought, and processes his second thought: Running will
attract attention.
He forces his feet to stay in one place, and takes a
quick moment to assess their surroundings. Cars are starting in driveways as
people head off to work. Somewhere a baby is crying. High-school-aged kids are
gathered on a corner across the street, talking, pushing each other, laughing.
As he looks to Risa, he can tell they're both of one mind, even before she
says, "Bus stop!"
The patrol car rolls leisurely down the street.
Leisurely, that is, to someone who has nothing to hide, but to Connor its slow
pace is menacing. There's no way of telling if these officers are looking for
them or just on a routine patrol. Again, he fights down the urge to run.
He and Risa turn their backs to the police car, ready
to stride off inconspicuously toward the bus stop, but Lev is not with the
program. He faces the wrong way, staring straight at the approaching cop car.
"What, are you nuts?" Connor grabs his
shoulder and forces him around. "Just do what we do, and act
natural."
A school bus approaches from the other direction. The
kids at the corner begin gathering their things. Now, at last, there's
permission to run without looking out of place. Connor begins it, taking a few
strides ahead of Risa and Lev, then turns back, calling with a calculated
whine, "C'mon, you guys— we're gonna miss the bus again!"
The cop car's right beside them now. Connor keeps his
back to it and doesn't turn to see if the officers inside are watching them. If
they are, hopefully they'll just hear the conversation and assume this is
normal morning mayhem, and not think twice. Lev's version of "acting
natural" is walking with wide eyes and arms stiff by his side like he's
crossing a minefield. So much for being inconspicuous. "Do you have to
walk so slow?" Connor yells. "If I get another tardy, I'll get
detention."
The squad car rolls past them. Up ahead, the bus nears
the stop. Connor, Risa, and Lev hurry across the street toward it— all part
of the charade, just in case the cops are watching them through their rearview
mirror. Of course, thinks Connor, it could backfire on them, and the cops could
cite them for jaywalking.
"Are we really going to get on the bus?"
asks Lev.
"Of course not," says Risa.
Now Connor dares to glance at the cop car. Its blinker
is on. It's going to turn the corner, and once it does, they'll be safe. . . .
But then the school bus stops and turns on its blinking red lights as it opens
its door—and
anyone who's ever ridden a school bus knows that when those red lights start
blinking, all traffic around them must stop and wait until the bus moves on.
The cop car comes to a halt a dozen yards short of the
corner, waiting until the bus is finished loading. That means that the cop car
will still be sitting right there when the bus pulls away. "We're
screwed," Connor says. "Now we have to get on the bus."
It's as they reach the sidewalk that a sound which has
been too faint and too low-priority to care about suddenly snares Connor's
attention. The crying baby.
At the house in front of them, there's a bundle on the
porch. The bundle is moving.
Connor instantly knows what this is. He's seen it
before. He's seen a storked baby twice on his own
doorstep. Even though it's not the same baby, he stops in his tracks as if it
is.
"C'mon, Billy, you'll miss the bus!"
"Huh?"
It's Risa. She and Lev are a few yards ahead of him.
She speaks to Connor through gritted teeth. "C'mon, 'Billy.' Don't be an
idiot."
Kids have already started piling onto the bus. The
police car sits motionless behind the blinking red lights.
Connor tries to make himself move, but can't. It's
because of the baby. Because of the way it wails. This is not the same baby!
Connor tells himself. Don't he stupid. Not now!
"Connor," whispers Risa, "what's wrong
with you?"
Then the door of the house opens. There's a fat little
kid at the door—six, maybe seven. He stares down at the baby. "Aw, no
way!" Then he turns and calls back into the house, "Mom! We've been storked again!"
Most people have two emergency modes. Fight and
Flight. But Connor always knew he had three: Fight, Flight, and Screw Up
Royally. It was a dangerous mental short circuit. The same short circuit that
made him race back toward armed Juvey-cops to rescue Lev instead of just saving
himself. He could feel it kicking in again right now. He could feel his brain
starting to fry. "We've been storked
again," the fat kid had said. Why did he have to say "again"?
Connor might have been all right if he hadn't said "again."
Don't do it! Connor
tells himself. This is not the same baby!
But to some deep, unreasoning part of his brain,
they're all the same baby.
Going against all sense of self-preservation, Connor
bolts straight for the porch. He approaches the door so quickly, the kid looks
up at him with terrified eyes and backs into his mother, an equally plump woman
who has just arrived at the door. Her face wears an unwelcoming scowl. She
stares at Connor, then spares a quick glance down at the crying baby, but she
makes no move toward it.
"Who
are you?" she
demands. The little
boy now hides behind her like a
cub behind a mother grizzly. "Did you put this here? Answer me!" The
baby continues to cry.
"No . . . No, I—"
"Don't
lie to me!"
He doesn't know what he hoped to accomplish coming here.
This is none of his business, not his problem. But now he's made it his
problem.
And behind him the bus is still loading kids. The
police car is still there, waiting. Connor could have very well just ended his
life by coming to this house.
Then there's a voice behind him. "He didn't put
it there. 1 did."
Connor turns to see Risa. Her face is stony. She won't
even look at Connor. She just glares at the woman, whose beady eyes shift from
Connor to Risa.
"You got caught in the act, little dearie," she says. The words "little dearie" come out like a curse. "The law might let
you stork, but only if you don't get caught. So take your baby and go, before I
call those cops over."
Connor tries desperately to unfry
his brain. "But . . . but . . ."
"Just shut up!" says Risa, her voice full of
venom and accusation.
This makes the woman at the door smile, but it's not a
pleasant thing. "Daddy here ruined it for you, didn't he? He came back
instead of just running away." The woman spares a quick dismissive look
at Connor. "First rule of motherhood, dearie:
Men are screwups. Learn it now and you'll be a whole
lot happier."
Between them, the baby still cries. It's like a game
of steal the bacon, where no one wants to take the bacon. Finally, Risa bends
down and lifts the baby from the welcome mat, holding it close to her. It still
cries, but much more softly now.
"Now get out of here," says the fat woman,
"or you'll be talking to those cops."
Connor turns to see the cop car partially blocked by
the school bus. Lev stands halfway in and halfway out of the bus, keeping the
door from closing, a look of utter desperation on his face. The irritated bus
driver peers out at him. "C'mon, I don't have all day!"
Connor and Risa turn away from the woman at the door
and hurry for the bus.
"Risa, I—"
"Don't," she snaps. "I don't want to
hear it."
Connor feels as broken as he did the moment he found
out his parents had signed the order to unwind him. Back then, however, he had
anger to help dilute the fear and the shock. But there's no anger in him now,
except for anger at himself. He feels helpless, hopeless. All of his
self-confidence has imploded like a dying star. Three fugitives running from
the law. And now, thanks to his short-circuit stupidity; they are three
fugitives with a baby.
12
Risa
She can't even begin to guess what possessed Connor.
Now Risa realizes he doesn't just make bad decisions,
he makes dangerous ones. The school bus only has a few kids on it as they step
on, and the driver angrily closes the door behind them, making no comment about
the baby. Perhaps because it's not the only baby on the bus. Risa pushes past
Lev and leads the three of them to the back. They pass another girl with her
own little bundle of joy, which couldn't be any older than six months. The
young mother curiously eyes them, and Risa tries not to make eye contact.
After they're sitting in the back, a few rows away
from the nearest riders, Lev looks at Risa, almost afraid to ask the obvious
question. Finally he says. "Uh . . . why do we have a baby?"
"Ask him," says Risa.
Stone-faced, Connor looks out the window.
"They're looking for two boys and a girl. Having a baby will throw them
off."
"Great," snaps Risa. "Maybe we should
all pick up a baby along the way."
Connor goes visibly red. He turns toward her and holds
out his hands. "I'll hold it," he says, but Risa keeps it away from
him.
"You'll make it cry."
Risa is no stranger to babies. At the state home she
occasionally got to work with the infants. This one probably would have ended
up at a state home too. She could tell that the woman at the door had no
intention of keeping it.
She looks at Connor. Still red, he intentionally
avoids her gaze. The reason Connor gave was a lie. Something else drove him to
run to that porch. But whatever the real reason was, Connor's keeping it to
himself.
The bus comes to a jarring halt and more kids get on.
The girl at the front of the bus—the one with the baby—makes her way
to the back and sits right in front of Risa, turning around and looking at her
over the seat back.
"Hi, you must be new! I'm Alexis, and this is
Chase." Her baby looks at Risa curiously, and drools over the seat back.
Alexis picks up the baby's limp hand, and makes it wave like she might wave the
hand of a toy doll. "Say hello, Chase!" Alexis seems even younger
than Risa.
Alexis peers around to get a look at the sleeping
baby's face. "A newborn! Oh, wow! That's so brave of you, coming back to
school so soon!" She turns to Connor. "Are you the father?"
"Me?" Connor looks flustered and cornered
for a moment before he comes to his senses and says, "Yeah. Yeah, I
am."
"That's sooooo
great that you're still seeing each other. Chaz—that's
Chase's father—doesn't even go to our school anymore. He got sent to military
school. His parents were so mad when they found out that I was, you know,
'uploaded,' he was afraid they might
actually have him unwound. Can you believe it?"
Risa could strangle this girl if it weren't for the
fact that it would leave drooling Chase motherless.
"So, is yours a boy, or a girl?"
The pause before answering is awkward and uncomfortable.
Risa wonders whether or not there's a discreet way to check without Alexis
seeing, but realizes there isn't. "Girl," Risa says. At least there's
a 50 percent chance she's right.
"What's her name?"
This time Connor pipes up. "Didi,"
he says. "Her name's Didi." This brings
forth a little grin from Risa in spite of how angry she is at him.
"Yeah," says Risa. "Same as me. Family
tradition."
Clearly Connor has recovered at least a portion of his
senses. He seems a bit more relaxed and natural, playing the role as best he
can. The redness in his face has receded until it's only his ears that are red.
"Well, you're going to love Center-North
High," Alexis says. "They've got a great day care center, and really
take care of student-mothers. Some teachers even let us nurse in class."
Connor puts his hand over Risa's shoulder. "Do
fathers get to watch?"
Risa shrugs off his arm, and quietly stomps on his
foot. He winces, but says nothing. If he thought he was out of the doghouse,
he's dead wrong. As far as she's concerned, his name is Fido.
"It looks like your brother is making
friends," says Alexis. She looks to where Lev was sitting, but he's moved
a seat ahead and is talking to boy sitting next to him. She tries to hear what
they're talking about but can't hear anything beyond Alexis's blathering.
"Or is it your brother?" Alexis says
to Connor.
"No, he's mine," says Risa.
Alexis grins and rolls her shoulders a bit. "He's
kind of cute."
Risa didn't think it was possible to like Alexis any
less than she already did. Apparently she was wrong. Alexis must see the look
in Risa's eyes, because she says, "Well, I mean cute for a freshman."
"He's thirteen. He skipped a grade," Risa
says, burning Alexis an even meaner warning gaze that says, Keep your claws
away from my little brother. She has to remind herself that Lev really
isn't her little brother. Now it's Connor's turn to stomp on her foot—and he's
right to do it. Too much information. Lev's real age was more than Alexis
needed to know. And besides, making an enemy is not in their best interests.
"Sorry," says Risa, softening her gaze.
"Long night with the baby. It's made me cranky."
"Oh, believe me, I've totally been there."
It looks as if the Alexis Inquisition might continue
until they reach the school, but the bus comes to another sudden stop, making
little Chase bump his chin on the seat back, and he begins to cry. Suddenly Alexis
goes into mother mode, and the conversation ends.
Risa heaves a deep sigh, and Connor says, "I
really am sorry about this." Although he sounds sincere, she's not
accepting any apologies.
13 Lev
This day has not gone according to plan.
The plan was to get away as soon as they reached
civilization. Lev could have run the moment they broke out of the woods. He
could have, but he didn't. There'll be a better time, he had thought. A
perfect time would present itself if he had patience, and kept watchful.
Pretending to be one of them—pretending
to be like them had taken every ounce of Lev's will. The only thing that
kept him going was the knowledge that very soon everything would be as it
should be.
When the police car had turned onto the street, Lev
was fully prepared to throw himself at the car and turn himself in. He would
have done it if it weren't for one thing.
Their pictures weren't in the paper.
That bothered Lev even more than the others. His
family was influential. They were not to be trifled with. He felt certain that
his face would be the biggest thing on the front page. When it wasn't, he
didn't know what to think. Even Risa's theory that his parents wanted her and
Connor killed seemed a possibility.
If he gave himself up to the police, what if they
turned and fired real bullets at Risa and Connor? Would the police do that? He
wanted them brought to justice, but he couldn't bear the thought of their
deaths on his head, so he had let the squad car go past.
And now things are worse. Now there's this baby.
Stealing a storked baby! These two Unwinds are out of
control. He no longer fears that they'll kill him, but that doesn't make them
any less dangerous. They need to be protected from themselves. They need . . .
they need . . . they need to be unwound. Yes. That's the best solution for
these two. They're of no use to anyone in their current state, least of all
themselves. It would probably be a relief for them, for now they're all broken
up on the inside. Better to be broken up on the outside instead. That way their
divided spirits could rest, knowing that their living flesh was spread around
the world, saving lives, making other people whole. Just as his own spirit
would soon rest.
He ponders this as he sits on the bus, trying to deny
how mixed his feelings about it are.
While Risa and Connor talk to a painfully perky girl
and her baby, Lev moves one seat forward in the bus, putting more distance
between them. A boy gets on the bus and sits down next to him, wearing
headphones and singing to music that Lev can't hear. The kid slips his backpack
in between them on the seat, practically wedging Lev in, and returns his full
attention to his tunes.
That's when Lev gets an idea. He looks behind him to
see Connor and Risa still involved with the other girl and her baby. Carefully
Lev reaches into the kid's backpack and pulls out a dog-eared notebook. Written
on it in big black letters is DEATH BY ALGEBRA, with little skulls and
crossbones. Inside are messy math equations and homework graded down for sloppiness.
Lev quietly turns to a blank page, then he reaches into the kid's pack again,
pulling out a pen. All the while, the kid is so absorbed in his music, he
doesn't notice. Lev begins to write:
HELP! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE
BY TWO AWOL UNWINDS.
NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND . . .
When he's done, he tugs the boy's shoulder. It takes
two tugs to get his attention.
"Yeah?"
Lev holds out the notebook, making sure he docs it in such a way that it's not too obvious. The boy
looks at him and says:
"Hey, that's my notebook."
Lev takes a deep breath. Connor's looking at him now.
He's got to be careful. "I know it's your notebook," Lev says, trying
to say as much as he can with his eyes. "I just . . . needed . . . one . .
. page. . . ."
He holds the notebook a little higher for the kid to
read, but the kid's not even looking at it. "No! You should have asked
first." Then he rips out the page without even looking at it, crumples the
paper, and to Lev's horror hurls it toward the front of the bus. The paper wad
bounces off the head of another kid, who ignores it, and it falls to the floor.
The bus comes to a stop, and Lev feels his hope trampled beneath thirty pairs
of scuffed shoes.
14 Connor
Dozens of buses pull up to the school. Kids mob every
doorway. As Connor gets off the bus with Risa and Lev, he scans for a way to
escape, but there is none. There are campus security guards and teachers on
patrol. Anyone seen walking away from school would draw the attention of
everyone watching.
"We can't actually go in," says Risa.
"I say we do," says Lev, acting more
squirrelly than usual.
A teacher has already taken notice of them. Even
though the school has a day care center for student mothers, the baby is very
conspicuous.
"We'll go in," says Connor. "We'll hide
in a place where there aren't any security cameras. The boys' bathroom."
"Girls'," says Risa. "It'll be cleaner,
and there'll be more stalls to hide in."
Connor considers it, and figures she's probably right
on both counts. "Fine. We'll hide until lunch, then slip out with the rest
of the kids going off campus."
"You're assuming this baby wants to
cooperate," says Risa. "Eventually it's going to want to be fed—and I don't
exactly have the materials, if you know what I mean. If it starts crying in the
bathroom, it will probably echo throughout the whole school."
It's another accusation. Connor can hear it in her
voice. It says: Do you have any idea how much harder you've made things on
us?
"Let's just hope it doesn't cry," says
Connor. "And if it does, you can blame me all the way to harvest
camp."
* * *
Connor is no stranger to hiding in school bathrooms.
Of course, before today, the reason was simply to get out of class. Today,
however, there's no class where he's expected, and if he's caught, the
consequences are a little bit more severe than Saturday school.
They slip in after the first period bell rings and
Connor coaches them on the finer points of bathroom stealth. How to tell the
difference between kids' footsteps and adults'. When to lift your feet up so no
one can see you, and when to just announce that the stall is occupied. The
latter would work for both Risa and Lev, since his voice is still somewhat high,
but Connor doesn't dare pretend to be a girl.
They stay together yet alone, each in their own stall.
Mercifully, the bathroom door squeals like a pig whenever it's opened, so they
have warning when anyone comes in. There are a few girls at the beginning of
first period but then it quiets down and they are left with no sound but the
echoing drizzle of a leaky flush handle.
"We won't make it in here until lunch," Risa
announces from the stall to Connor's left. "Even if the baby stays
asleep."
"You'd be surprised how long you can hide in a
bathroom."
'You mean you've done this often?" asks Lev, in
the stall to his right.
Connor knows this fits right into Lev's image of
Connor as a bad seed. Fine, let him think that. He's probably right.
The bathroom door squeals. They fall silent. Dull,
rapid footsteps—it's a student in sneakers. Lev and Connor raise their feet and Risa keeps hers down, as they had
planned. The baby gurgles, and Risa clears her throat, masking the noise
perfectly. The girl is in and out in less than a minute.
After the bathroom door squeaks closed, the baby
coughs. Connor notices that it's a quick, clean sound. Not sickly at all. Good.
"By the way," says Risa, "it is a
girl."
Connor thinks to offer to hold it once more, but
figures right now that would be more trouble than it's worth. He doesn't know
how to hold a baby to keep it from crying. Connor decides he has to tell them
why he went temporarily insane and took the baby. He owes them that much.
"It was because of what the kid said,"
Connor says gently.
"What?"
"Back at that house—the fat kid at the door. He
said they'd been storked again."
"So what?" says Risa. "Lots of people
get storked more than once."
Then, from his other side, Connor hears, "That
happened to my family. I have two brothers and a sister who were brought by the
stork before I was born. It was never a problem."
Connor wonders if Lev actually thinks the stork
brought them, or if he's just using it as an expression. He decides he'd rather
not know. "What a wonderful family. They take in storked
babies, and send their own flesh and blood to be unwound. Oh, sorry—tithed."
Clearly offended, Lev says, "Tithing's in the
Bible; you're supposed to give 10 percent of everything. And storking's in the Bible too."
"No, it isn't!"
"Moses," says Lev. "Moses was put in a
basket in the Nile and was found by Pharaoh's daughter. He was the first storked baby, and look what happened to him!"
"Yeah," says Connor, "but what happened
to the next baby she found in the Nile?"
"Will you keep your voices down?" says Risa.
"People could hear you in the hall, and anyway, you might wake Didi."
Connor takes a moment to collect his thoughts. When he
speaks again, it's a whisper, but in a tiled room there are no whispers.
"We got storked when I was seven."
"Big deal," says Risa.
"No, this was a big deal. For a whole lot
of reasons. See, there were already two natural kids in the family. My parents
weren't planning on any more. Anyway, this baby shows up at our door, my
parents start freaking out. . . and then they have an idea."
"Do I want to hear this?" Risa asks.
"Probably not." But Connor's not about to
stop. He knows if he doesn't spill this now, he's never going to. "It was
early in the morning, and my parents figured no one saw the baby left at the
door, right? So the next morning, before the rest of us got up, my dad put the
baby on a doorstep across the street."
"That's illegal," announces Lev. "Once
you get storked, that baby's yours."
"Yeah, but my parents figured, who's gonna know?
My parents swore us to secrecy, and we waited to hear the news from across the
street about their new, unexpected arrival . . . but it never came. They never
talked about getting storked and we couldn't ask them
about it, because it would be a dead giveaway that we'd dumped the baby on
them."
As Connor speaks, the stall, as small as it is, seems
to shrink around him. He knows the others are there on either side, but he
can't help but feel desperately alone.
"Things go on like it never happened. Everything
was quiet for a while, and then two weeks later, I open the door, and there on
that stupid welcome mat, is another baby in a basket . . . and I remember ... I
remember I almost laughed. Can you believe it? I thought it was funny, and I
turned back to my mother, and I say 'Mom, we got storked
again'—Just
like that little kid this morning said. My Mom, all frustrated, brought the
baby in . . . and that's when she realizes—"
"Oh, no!" says Risa, figuring it out even
before Connor says:
"It's the same baby!" Connor tries to
remember the baby's face, but he can't. All he sees in his mind's eye is the
face of the baby Risa now holds. "It turns out that the baby had been passed
around the neighborhood for two whole weeks—each morning, left on someone
else's doorstep . . . only now it's not looking too good."
The bathroom door squeals, and Connor falls silent. A
flurry of footsteps. Two girls. They chat a bit about boys and dates and
parties with no parents around. They don't even use the toilets. Another flurry
of footsteps heading out, the squeal of the door, and they are alone again.
"So, what happened to the baby?" Risa asks.
"By the time it landed on our doorstep again, it
was sick. It was coughing like a seal and its skin and eyes were yellow.''
"Jaundice," says Risa, gently. "A lot
of babies show up at StaHo that way."
"My parents brought it to the hospital, but there
was nothing they could do. I was there when it died. I saw it
die." Connor closes his eyes, and grits his teeth, to keep tears back. He
knows the others can't see them, but he doesn't want them to come anyway.
"I remember thinking, if a baby was going to be so unloved, why would God
want it brought into the world?"
He wonders if Lev will have some pronouncement on the
topic—after
all, when it comes to God, Lev claimed to have all the answers. But all Lev
says is, "I didn't know you believed in God."
Connor takes a moment to push his emotions down, then
continues. "Anyway, since it was legally ours, we paid for the funeral. It
didn't even have a name, and my parents couldn't bear to give it one. It was
just 'Baby Lassiter,' and even though no one had wanted it, the entire
neighborhood came to the funeral. People were crying like it was their baby
that had died. . . . And that's when I realized that the people who were crying—they were
the ones who had passed that baby around. They were the ones, just like my own
parents, who had a hand in killing it."
There's silence now. The leaky flush handle drizzles.
Next door in the boys' bathroom a toilet flushes, and the sound echoes hollowly
around them.
"People shouldn't give away babies that get left
at their door," Lev finally says.
"People shouldn't stork their babies," Risa
responds.
"People shouldn't do a lot of things," says
Connor. He knows they're both right, but it doesn't make a difference. In a
perfect world mothers would all want their babies, and strangers would open up
their homes to the unloved. In a perfect world everything would be either
black or white, right or wrong, and everyone would know the difference. But
this isn't a perfect world. The problem is people who think it is.
"Anyway, I just wanted you to know."
In a few moments the bell rings, and there's commotion
in the hall. The bathroom door creaks open. Girls laughing, talking about
everything and nothing.
"Next time wear a dress."
"Can I borrow your history book?"
"That test was impossible."
Unending squeals from the door and constant tugs on
Connor's locked stall door. No one's tall enough to look over, no one has any
desire to look under. The late bell rings; the last girl hurries to class.
They've made it to second period. If they're lucky, this school will have a
midmorning break. Maybe they can sneak out then. In Risa's stall, the baby is
making wakeful noises. Not crying but sort of clicking. On the verge of hungry
tears.
"Should we change stalls?" asks Risa.
"Repeat visitors might get suspicious if they see my feet in the same
stall."
"Good idea." Listening closely to make sure
he can't hear any footfalls in the hall, Connor pulls open his stall, switching
places with Risa. Lev's door is open as well, but he's not coming out. Connor
pushes Lev's door open all the way. He's not there.
"Lev?" He looks to Risa, who just shakes her
head. They check every stall, then check the one Lev was in again, as if he
might reappear—but he doesn't. Lev is gone. And the baby begins wailing
for all it's worth.
15 Lev
Lev is convinced his heart will explode in his chest.
It will explode, and he will die right here in a
school hallway. Slipping out of the bathroom once the bell rang had been
nerve-racking. He had unlocked his stall door, and had kept his hand on the handle
for ten minutes waiting for the electronic buzz of the bell to mask the sound
of its opening. Then he'd had to make it to the bathroom entrance without the
others hearing his brand-new sneakers squeaking on the floor. (Why did they
call them sneakers if it was so hard to sneak in them?) He couldn't open that
squealing door, then walk out by himself. It would be too conspicuous. So he
waited until a bathroom-bound girl did it for him. Since the bell had just
rung, he only had to wait a few seconds. She pulled open the door and he pushed
his way past her, hoping she didn't say anything that would give him away. If
she commented about a boy being in the girl's bathroom, Connor and Risa would
know.
"Next time, wear a dress," the girl said to
him as he hurried away, and her friend laughed. Was that enough to alert
Connor and Risa to his escape? He hadn't turned back to find out, he had just
pressed forward.
Now he's lost in the hallways of the huge high school,
his heart threatening to detonate at any second. A wild mob of kids hurrying to
their next class surround him, bump him, disorient him. Most of the kids here
are bigger than Lev. Imposing. Intimidating. This is how he always imagined
high school—a
dangerous place full of mystery and violent kids. He had never worried about it
because he had always known he would never have to go. In fact, he only had to
worry about getting partway through eighth grade.
"Excuse me, can you tell me where the office
is?" he asks one of the slower-moving students.
The kid looks down at him as if Lev were from Mars.
"How could you not know that?" And he just walks away shaking his
head. Another, kinder kid points him in the right direction.
Lev knows that things must be put back on track. This
is the best place to do it: a school. If there are any secret plans to kill
Connor and Risa, it can't happen here with so many kids around, and if he does
this right, it won't happen at all. If he does it right, all three of them will
be safely on their way to their unwinding, as it ought to be. As it was ordained
to be. The thought of it still frightens him, but these days of not knowing
what the next hour will bring—that is truly terrifying. Being torn from his purpose was
the most unnerving thing that had ever happened to Lev, but now he understands
why God let it happen. It's a lesson. It's to show Lev what happens to children
who shirk their destiny: They become lost in every possible way.
He enters the school's main office and stands at the
counter, waiting to be noticed, but the secretary is too busy shuffling papers.
"Excuse me . . ."
Finally, she looks up. "Can I help you,
dear?"
He clears his throat. "My name is Levi Calder,
and I've been kidnapped by two runaway Unwinds."
The woman, who really wasn't paying attention before,
suddenly focuses her attention entirely on him. "What did you say?"
"I was kidnapped. We were hiding in a bathroom,
but I got away. They're still there. They've got a baby, too."
The woman stands up and calls out, her voice shaky,
like she's looking at a ghost. She calls in the principal, and the principal
calls in a security guard.
* * *
A minute later, Lev sits in the nurse's office, with
the nurse doting on him like he's got a fever.
"Don't you worry," she says. "Whatever
happened to you, it's all over now."
From here in the nurse's office, Lev has no way of
knowing if they've captured Connor and Risa. He hopes that, if they have, they
don't bring them here. The thought of having to face them makes him feel
ashamed. Doing the right thing shouldn't make you ashamed.
"The police have been called, everything's being
taken care of," the nurse tells him. "You'll be going home
soon."
"I'm not going home," he tells her. The
nurse looks at him strangely, and he decides not to go into it. "Never
mind. Can I call my parents?"
She looks at him, incredulous. "You mean, no
one's done that for you?" She looks at the school phone in the corner,
then fumbles for the cell phone in her pocket instead. "You call and let
them know you're okay—and talk as long as you like."
She looks at him for a moment, then decides to give
him his privacy, stepping out of the room. "I'll be right here if you need
me."
Lev begins to dial, but stops himself. It's not his
parents he wants to talk to. He erases the numbers and keys in a different
one, hesitates for a moment, then hits the send button.
It's picked up on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Pastor Dan?"
There's only a split second of dead air, and then
recognition. "Dear God, Lev? Lev, is that you? Where are you?"
"I don't know. Some school. Listen, you have to
tell my parents to stop the police! I don't want them killed."
"Lev, slow down. Are you all right?"
"They kidnapped me—but they didn't hurt me, so
I don't want them hurt. Tell my father to call off the police!"
"I don't know what you're talking about. We never
told the police."
Lev is not expecting to hear this. "You never . .
. what?"
"Your parents were going to. They were going to
make a whole big deal about it—but I convinced them not to. I convinced them that your
being kidnapped was somehow God's will."
Lev starts shaking his head like he can shake the
thought away. "But . . . but why would you do that?"
Now Pastor Dan starts to sound desperate. "Lev,
listen to me. Listen to me carefully. No one else knows that you're gone. As
far as anyone knows, you've been tithed, and people don't ask questions about
children who are tithed. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
"But... I want to be tithed. I need to be.
You have to call my parents and tell them. You have to get me to harvest
camp."
Now Pastor Dan gets angry. "Don't make me do that! Please,
don't make me do that!" It's as if he's fighting a battle, but somehow
it's not Lev he's battling. This is so far from Lev's image of Pastor Dan, he
can't believe it's the same person he's known all these years. It's like an
impostor has stolen the Pastor's voice, but none of his convictions.
"Don't you see, Lev? You can save yourself. You
can be anyone you want to be now."
And all at once the truth comes to Lev. Pastor Dan
wasn't telling him to run away from the kidnapper that day—he was
telling Lev to run away from him. From his parents. From his tithing.
After all of his sermons and lectures, after all that talk year after year
about Lev's holy duty, it's all been a sham. Lev was born to be tithed—and the
man who convinced him this was a glorious and honorable fate doesn't believe
it.
"Lev?
Lev, are you there?"
He's there, but he doesn't want to be. He doesn't want
to answer this man who led him to a cliff only to turn away at the last minute.
Now Lev's emotions spin like a wheel of fortune. One moment he's furious, the
next, relieved. One instant he's filled with terror so extreme, he can smell it
like acid in his nostrils, and the next, there's a spike of joy, like what he
used to feel when he swung away and heard the crack of his bat against a ball.
He is that ball now, soaring away. His life has been like a ballpark, hasn't
it? All lines, structure, and rules, never changing. But now he's been hit over
the wall into unknown territory.
"Lev?" says Pastor Dan. "You're scaring
me. Talk to me."
Lev takes a slow, deep breath, then says,
"Good-bye, sir." Then he hangs up without another word.
Lev sees police cars arrive outside. Connor and Risa
will soon be caught, if they haven't been caught already. The nurse is no
longer standing at the door—she's chiding the principal for how he's handling this
situation. "Why didn't you call the poor
boy's parents? Why haven't you put the school in lock-down?"
Lev knows what he has to do. It's something wrong.
It's something bad. But suddenly he doesn't care. He slips out of the office
right behind the nurse's and principal's backs, and goes out into the hallway.
It only takes a second to find what he's looking for. He reaches for the little
box on the wall.
I am lost in every possible way.
Then, feeling the coldness of the steel against his
fingertips, he pulls the fire alarm.
16 Teacher
The fire alarm goes off during the teacher's prep
period, and she silently curses the powers that be for their awful timing.
Perhaps, she thinks, if she can just stay in her empty classroom until the
false alarm—and
it's always a false alarm—is dealt with. But then, what kind of example would
she be setting if students passing by looked in to see her sitting there.
As she leaves the room, the hallways are already
filling with students. Teachers try their best to keep them organized, but this
is a high school; the organized lines of elementary school fire drills are long
gone, having been replaced by the brazen hormonal zigzags of kids whose bodies
are too big for their own good.
Then she sees something strange. Something troubling.
There are two policemen by the front office—they
actually seem intimidated by the mob of kids flowing past them and out the
front doors of the school. But why policemen? Why not firemen? And how could
they have gotten here so quickly? They couldn't have—they must have been called
before the alarm went off. But why?
The last time there were policemen in the school, someone
called in a clapper threat. The school was evacuated, and no one knew why until
after the fact. Turns out, there was no clapper—the school was never in
danger of being blown up. It was just some kid pulling a practical joke. Still,
clapper threats are always taken seriously, because you never know when the
threat might be real.
"Please, no pushing!" she says to a student
who bumps her elbow. "I'm sure we'll all make it outside." Good thing
she didn't take her coffee.
"Sorry, Ms. Steinberg."
As she passes one of the science labs, she notices the
door ajar. Just to be thorough, she peeks in to make sure there are no
stragglers, or kids trying to avoid the mass exodus. The stone-top tables are
bare and the chairs are all in place. No one had been in the lab this period.
She reaches to pull the door closed, more out of habit than anything else, when
she hears a sound that is wholly out of place in the room.
A baby's cry.
At first she thinks it might be coming from the
student mother nursery, but the nursery is way down the hall. This cry
definitely came from the lab. She hears the cry again, only this time it sounds
oddly muffled, and angrier. She knows that sound. Someone's trying to cover the
baby's mouth to keep it from crying. These teen mothers always do that when
they have their babies where they don't belong. They never seem to realize it
only makes the baby cry louder.
"Party's over," she calls out. "C'mon,
you and your baby have to leave with everyone else."
But they don't come out. There's that muffled cry
again, followed by some intense whispering that she can't quite make out.
Annoyed, she steps into the lab and storms down the center aisle looking left
and right until she finds them crouched behind one of the lab tables. It's not
just a girl and a baby; there's a boy there too. There's a look of desperation
about them. The boy looks as if he might bolt, but the girl grabs him firmly
with her free hand. It keeps him in place. The baby wails.
The teacher might not know every name in school, but
she's fairly certain she knows even' face—and she certainly knows all the
student mothers. This isn't one of them, and the boy is completely unfamiliar
too.
The girl looks at her, eyes pleading. Too frightened
to speak, she just shakes her head. It's the boy who speaks.
"If you turn us in, we'll die."
At the thought, the girl holds the baby closer to her.
Its cries lessen, but don't go away entirely. Clearly these are the ones the
police are looking for, for reasons she can only guess at.
"Please . . . ," says the boy.
Please what? the
teacher thinks. Please break the law? Please put myself and the school at
risk? But, no, that's not it at all. What he's really saying is: Please
be a human being. With a life so full of rules and regiments, it's so easy
to forget that's what they are. She knows—she sees—how often
compassion takes a back seat to expediency.
Then a voice from behind her: "Hannah?"
She turns to see another teacher looking in from the
door. He's a bit disheveled, having fought the raging rapids of kids still
funneling out of the school. He obviously hears the baby's cries—how could
he not?
"Is everything all right?" he asks.
"Yeah," says Hannah, with more calm in her
voice than she actually feels. "I'm taking care of it."
The other teacher nods and leaves, probably glad not
to share the burden of whatever this crying baby situation is.
Hannah now knows what the situation is, however—or at least
she suspects. Kids only have this kind of desperation in their eyes when
they're going to be unwound.
She holds out her hand to the frightened kids.
"Come with me." The kids are hesitant, so she says, "If they're
looking for you, they'll find you once the building is empty. You can't expect
to hide here. If you want to get out, you have to leave with everyone else.
C'mon, I'll help you."
Finally, they rise from behind the lab table, and she
breathes a sigh of relief. She can tell they still don't trust her— but then,
why should they? Unwinds exist in the constant shadow of betrayal. Well, they
don't need to trust her now, they just
need to go with her. In this case, necessity is the mother of compliance, and
that's just fine.
"Don't tell me your names," she says to
them. "Don't tell me anything, so if they question me afterward, I won't
be lying when I say I don't know."
There are still crowds of kids pushing past in the
hall, heading toward the nearest exit. She steps out of the room, making sure
the two kids and their baby are right behind her. She will help them. Whoever
they are, she will do her best to get them to safety. What kind of example
would she be setting if she didn't?
17 Risa
Police down the hall! Police at the exits! Risa knows
this is Lev's doing. He didn't just run away, he turned them in. This teacher
says she's helping them, but what if she's not? What if she's just leading them
to the police?
Don't think about that now! Keep your eyes on the
baby.
Policemen know panic when they see it. But if her eyes
are turned to the baby, her panic might be read as concern for the baby's
tears.
"If I ever see Lev again," says Connor,
"I'll tear him to pieces."
"Shh," says the teacher, leading them along
with the crowd to the exit.
Risa can't blame Connor for his anger. She blames
herself for not seeing through Lev's sham. How could she have been so naive to
think he was truly on their side?
"We should have let the little creep be
unwound," grumbles Connor.
"Shut up," says Risa. "Let's just get
out of this."
As they near the door, another policeman comes into
view standing just outside.
"Give me the baby," the teacher orders, and
Risa does as she's told. She doesn't yet realize why the woman asked for the
baby, but it doesn't matter. It's wonderful to have someone leading the
way who seems to know what they're doing. Perhaps this woman isn't the enemy
after all. Perhaps she truly will get them through this.
"Let me go ahead," the teacher says.
"The two of you separate, and just walk out with the rest of the
kids."
Without the baby to look at, Risa knows she can't hide
the panic in her eyes, but suddenly she realizes that it might not matter—and now she
understands why the woman took the baby. Yes, Lev turned them in. But if
they're lucky, these local police may only have a description of them to go by:
a scruffy-haired boy and a dark-haired girl with a baby. Take away the baby,
and that could be half the kids in this school.
The teacher—Hannah— passes the policeman a few
yards ahead of them, and he gives her only a momentary glance. But then he
looks toward Risa, and his eyes lock on her. Risa knows she's just given
herself away. Should she turn and race back into the school? Where's Connor now? Is he behind her, in front of her? She
has no idea. She's completely alone.
And then salvation arrives in a most unlikely form.
"Hi, Didi!"
It's Alexis, the talkative girl from the school bus!
She comes up beside her, with Chaz gnawing at her
shoulder. "People pull the alarms all the time," she says.
"Well, at least I got out of Math."
Suddenly the policeman's eyes shift to Alexis.
"Stop right there, miss."
Alexis looks stunned. "Who, me?"
"Step aside. We'd like to ask you a few
questions."
Risa walks right on past, holding her breath for fear
that her gasp of relief might draw the officer's attention again. Risa no
longer fits the profile of what they're looking for . . . but Alexis does! Risa
doesn't look back; she just continues down the steps to the street.
In a few moments Connor catches up with her. "I
saw what happened back there. Your friend may have just saved your life."
"I'll have to thank her later."
Up ahead, Hannah reaches into her pocket with her free
hand, pulls out her car keys, then turns left toward the faculty parking lot. It's
all going to be okay, Risa thinks. She's going to get us out of here. Risa
might just start believing in miracles, and angels. . . . And then she hears a
familiar voice behind her.
"Wait! Stop!"
She turns to see Lev—he's spotted them—and
although he's far away, he's quickly working his way through the crowd toward
them.
"Risa! Connor! Wait!"
It wasn't enough to just turn them in, now he's
leading the cops directly to them—and he's not the only one. Alexis
still stands with the policeman at the
school's side entrance. From where she stands she can easily see Risa, and she
points Risa out to the cop. The cop instantly pulls out his radio to inform the
other officers.
"Connor, we're in trouble."
"I know—I see it too."
"Wait!" screams Lev, still far away, but
getting closer.
Risa looks for Hannah, but she's vanished into the
crowd of kids in the parking lot.
Connor looks at Risa, fear overwhelming the fury in
his eyes. "Run."
This time Risa doesn't hesitate. She runs with him,
breaking toward the street just as a fire truck bursts onto the scene, siren
blaring. The truck stops right in their path. There's nowhere to run. The fire
alarm had mercifully been pulled at the perfect time, and it's gotten them this
far, but the commotion is fading. Kids are milling instead of moving, and cops
in every direction zero in on the two of them.
What they need is a fresh commotion. Something even
worse than a fire alarm.
The answer comes even before Risa can formulate the
entire idea in her mind. She speaks without even knowing what she's about to
say.
"Start clapping!"
"What?"
"Start clapping. Trust me!"
A single nod from Connor makes it clear that he gets
it, and he begins bringing his hands together, slowly at first, then more and
more quickly. She does the same, both of them applauding as if they were at a
concert cheering for their favorite band.
And beside them, a student drops his backpack and
stares at them in utter horror.
"Clappers!" he screams.
In an instant the word is out.
ClappersClappersClappers . . .
It echoes in the kids around them. In an instant it
reaches critical mass, and the entire crowd is in lull-blown panic.
"Clappers!" everyone screams, and the crowd
becomes a stampede. Kids bolt, but no one is sure where to go. All they know is
that they must get away from the school as quickly as possible.
Risa and Connor continue to clap, their hands red from
the force of their duet of applause. With the mob racing in blind terror, the
cops can't get to them. Lev has vanished, trampled by the panicked mob, and
everything is made worse by the fire siren, which blares like it's sounding out
the end of the world.
They stop clapping and join the stampede, becoming a
part of the running crowd.
That's when someone comes up beside them. It's Hannah.
Her plans of driving them off campus are gone, so she quickly hands Risa the
baby.
"There's an antique shop on Fleming Street,"
she tells them. "Ask for Sonia. She can help you."
"We're not clappers," is all Risa can think
to say.
"I know you're not. Good luck."
There's no time to thank her. In a moment the wild
crowd pulls them apart, taking Hannah in a different direction. Risa stumbles
and realizes they're in the middle of the street. Traffic has come to a halt as
hundreds of kids race in a mad frenzy to escape the terrorists, wherever they
are. The baby in Risa's arms bawls, but its cries are nothing compared to the
screams of the mob. In a moment they are across the street, and gone with the
crowd.
18 Lev
This is the true meaning of alone: Lev Calder beneath
the trampling feet of a stampeding crowd.
"Risa! Connor! Help!"
He should never have called out their names, but it's
too late to change that now. They ran from him when he called. They didn't wait—they ran.
They hate him. They know what he did. Now hundreds of feet race over Lev like
he's not there. His hand is stomped on, a boot comes down on his chest, and a
kid springboards off of him to get greater speed.
Clappers. They're all screaming about clappers, just
because he pulled the stupid alarm.
He has to catch up with Risa and Connor. He has to
explain, to tell them that he's sorry—that he was wrong to turn them in
and that he pulled the alarm to help them escape. He has to make them
understand. They are his only friends now. They were. But not anymore. He's
ruined everything.
Finally, the stampede thins out enough for Lev to pick
himself up. A knee of his jeans is torn. He tastes blood—he must
have bitten his tongue. He tries to assess the situation. Most of the mob is
off campus, in the street and beyond, disappearing down side streets. Only
stragglers are left.
"Don't just stand there," says a kid
hurrying past. "There are clappers on the roof!"
"No," says another kid, "I heard
they're in the cafeteria."
All around Lev, the bewildered cops pace with a false
determination in their stride, as if they know exactly where to go, only to
turn around and pace with the same determination in another direction.
Connor and Risa have left him.
He realizes that if he doesn't leave now with the last
of the stragglers, he'll draw the attention of the police.
He runs away, feeling more helpless than a storked baby. He doesn't know who to blame for this: Pastor
Dan for cutting him loose? Himself for betraying the only two kids willing to
help him? Or should he blame God for allowing his life to reach this bitter
moment? You can be anyone you want to be now, Pastor Dan had said. But
right now, Lev feels like no one.
This is the true meaning of alone: Levi Jedediah
Calder suddenly realizing he no longer exists.
19 Connor
The antique shop is in an older part of town. Trees
arch over the street, their branches cut into unnatural angular patterns by the
profiles of passing trucks. The street is full of yellow and brown leaves, but
enough diehards still cling to the branches to make a shady canopy.
The baby is inconsolable, and Connor wants to complain
to Risa about it, but knows that he can't. If it hadn't been for him, the baby
wouldn't even be part of the equation.
There aren't all that many people on the street, but
there are enough. Mostly it's kids from the high school just knocking around,
probably spreading more rumors about clappers trying to detonate themselves.
"I hear
they're anarchists."
"I hear it's some weird religion."
"I hear they just do it to do it."
The threat of clappers is so effective because no one
knows what they really stand for.
"That was smart back there," Connor tells
Risa, as they approach the antique shop. "Pretending to be clappers, I
mean. I would never have thought of that."
"You thought quickly enough to take out that
Juvey-cop the other day with his own tranq gun."
Connor grins. "I go by instinct, you go by
brains. I guess we make a pretty decent team."
"Yeah. And we're a bit less dysfunctional without
Lev."
At the mention of Lev, Connor feels a spike of anger.
He rubs his sore arm where Lev bit him—but what Lev did today was much
more painful than that. "Forget about him. He's history. We got away, so
his squealing on us doesn't matter. Now he'll get unwound, just like he wants,
and we won't have to deal with him again." And yet the thought of it
brings Connor a pang of regret. He had risked his life for Lev. He had tried to
save him, but had failed. Maybe if Connor were better with words, he could have
said something that would have truly won him over. But who is he kidding? Lev
was a tithe from the moment he was born. You don't undo thirteen years of
brainwashing in two days.
The antique shop is old. White paint peels from the
front door. Connor pushes open the door, and bells hanging high on the door
jingle. Low-tech intruder alert. There's one customer: a sour-faced man in a
tweed coat. He looks up at them, disinterested and maybe disgusted by the baby,
because he wanders deeper into the recesses of the cluttered store to get away.
The shop has things from perhaps even' point in American
history. A display of iPods and other little gadgets from his grandfather's
time cover an old chrome-rimmed dinner table. An old movie plays on an antique
plasma-screen TV. The movie shows a crazy vision of a future that never came,
with flying cars and a white-haired scientist.
"Can I help you?"
An old woman as hunched as a question mark comes out from
behind the cash register. She walks with a cane, but she seems pretty
surefooted in spite of it.
Risa bounces the baby to get its volume down.
"We're looking for Sonia."
"You found her. What do you want?"
"We . . . uh . . . we need some help," Risa
says.
"Yeah," Connor chimes in, "Someone told
us to come here."
The old woman looks at them suspiciously. "Does
this have something to do with that fiasco over at the high school? Are you
clappers?"
"Do we look like clappers to you?" says
Connor.
The woman narrows her eyes at him. "Nobody looks
like a clapper."
Connor narrows his gaze to match hers, then goes over
to the wall. He holds up his hand and jabs it forward with all his might,
punching the wall hard enough to bruise his knuckles. A little painting of a
fruit bowl falls off the wall. Connor catches it before it hits the ground and
sets it on the counter.
"See?" he says. "My blood isn't
explosive. If I were a clapper, this whole shop would be gone."
The old woman stares at him, and it's a hard gaze for
Connor to hold—there's some sort of fire in those weary eyes. But Connor
doesn't look away. "See this hunch?" she asks them. "I got it
from sticking my neck out for people like you."
Connor still won't break his gaze. "Guess we came
to the wrong place, then." Glancing at Risa, he says, "Let's get out
of here."
He turns to leave, and the old woman swings her cane
sharply and painfully across his shins. "Not so fast. It just so happens
that Hannah called me, so I knew you were coming."
Risa, still bouncing the baby, lets out a frustrated
breath. "You could have told us when we came in."
"What fun would that be?"
By now the sour-faced customer has made his way closer
again, picking up item after item, his expression showing instant disapproval
of everything in the shop.
"I have some lovely infant items in the back
room," she tells them loud enough for the customer to hear. "Why
don't you go back there, and wait for me?" Then she whispers, "And
for God's sake, feed that baby!"
The back room is through a doorway covered by what
looks like an old shower curtain. If the front room was cluttered, this place
is a disaster area. Things like broken picture frames and rusty birdcages are
piled all around—all the items that weren't good enough to be displayed out
front. The junk of the junk.
"And you're telling me this old woman is going to
help us?" says Connor. "It looks like she can't even help
herself!"
"Hannah said she would. I believe her."
"How could you be raised in a state home and
still trust people?"
Risa gives him a dirty look and says, "Hold
this." She puts the baby in Connor's arms. It's the first time she's given
it to him. It feels much lighter than he expected. Something so loud and
demanding ought to be heavier. The baby's cries have weakened now—it's just
about exhausted itself.
There's nothing keeping them tied to this baby
anymore. They could stork it again first thing in the morning. . . . And yet
the thought makes Connor uncomfortable. They don't owe this baby anything. It's
theirs by stupidity, not biology. He doesn't want it, but he can't stand the thought
of someone getting the baby who wants it even less than he does. His frustration
begins to ferment into anger. It's the same kind of anger that always got him
into trouble back home. It would cloud his judgment, making him lash out,
getting into fights, cursing out teachers, or riding his skateboard wildly
through busy intersections. "Why do you have to get wound so tight?"
his father once asked, exasperated, and Connor had snapped back, "Maybe
someone oughta unwind me." At the time, he thought he was just being
funny.
Risa opens a refrigerator, which is as cluttered as
the rest of the back room. She pulls out a container of milk, then finds a
bowl, into which she pours the milk.
"It's not a cat," Connor says. "It
won't lick milk out of a bowl."
"I know what I'm doing."
Connor watches as she rummages around in drawers until
finding a clean spoon. Then she takes the baby from him. Sitting down, she
cradles the baby a bit more skillfully than Connor, then she dips the spoon
into the milk and spills the spoonful into the baby's mouth. The baby begins to
gag on the milk, coughing and sputtering, but then Risa puts her index finger
into its mouth. It sucks on her finger and closes its eyes, satisfied. In a few
moments, she crooks her finger enough to leave a little space for her to spill
in another spoonful of milk, then lets the baby suck on her finger again.
"Wow, that's impressive," says Connor.
"Sometimes I got to take care of babies at StaHo.
You learn a few tricks. Let's just hope it's not lactose intolerant."
With the baby quieted, it's as if all the day's
tension has been suddenly released. Connor's eyelids grow heavy, but he won't
allow himself to fall asleep. They're not safe yet. They may never be, and he
can't let his guard down now. Still, his mind begins to drift off. He wonders
if his parents are still looking for him, or if it's just the police now. He
thinks about Ariana. What would have happened to them
if she had come along with him, as she had promised? They would have been
caught on that first night—-that's what would have happened. Ariana wasn't street-smart
like Risa. She wasn't resourceful. Thoughts of Ariana
bring a wave of sadness and longing, but it's not as powerful a feeling as Connor thought it would be. How soon
until she forgets him? How soon until everyone forgets him? Not long. That's
what happens with Unwinds. Connor had known other kids at school who
disappeared over the past couple of years. One day they just didn't turn up. Teachers would say
that they were "gone" or "no longer enrolled." Those were
just code words, though. Everyone knew what they meant. The kids who knew them
would talk about how terrible it was, and gripe about it for a day or two, and
then it became old news. Unwinds didn't go out with a bang—they didn't
even go out with a whimper. They went out
with the silence of a candle flame pinched between two fingers.
The customer
finally leaves, and Sonia joins them in the back room. "So, you're Unwinds
and you want my help, is that it?"
"Maybe
just some food," says Connor, "a place to rest for a few hours. Then
we'll be on our way."
"We
don't want to be any trouble," says Risa.
The old
woman laughs at that. "Yes, you do! You want to be trouble to everyone you
meet." She points her cane at Risa. "That's what you are now. TROUBLE
in caps-lock." Then she puts her cane down, and softens a bit.
"That's not your fault, though. You didn't ask to be born, and you didn't
ask to be unwound, either." She looks back and forth between the two of
them, then says to Risa just as bald-faced as can be: "If you really want
to stay alive, honey, have him get you pregnant again. They won't unwind an expectant
mother, so that will buy you nine whole months."
Risa drops her jaw, speechless, and Connor feels a
flush come to his face. "She . . . she wasn't pregnant the first time.
It's not her baby. Or mine."
Sonia considers this and takes a closer look at the
baby. "Not yours, hmm? Well, that explains why you're not breastfeeding."
She laughs suddenly and sharply. It makes Connor and the baby jump.
Risa isn't startled, just annoyed. She gets the baby's
attention again with another spoonful of milk and her index finger. "Are
you going to help us or not?"
Sonia lifts her cane and raps it against Connor's arm,
then points to a huge trunk covered with travel stickers. "Think you're boeuf enough to bring that over here?"
Connor gets up, wondering what could possibly be of
use to them in the trunk. He grabs on to it and struggles to push it across the
faded Persian rug.
"Not much of a boeuf,
are ya?"
"I never said I was."
He inches the trunk across the floor until it's right
in front of her. Instead of opening it, she sits on top of it and begins to
massage her ankles.
"So what's in it?" Connor asks.
"Correspondence," she says. "But it's
not what's in it that matters. It's what's underneath." Then with her cane
she pushes away the rug where the trunk had been to reveal a trapdoor with a
brass pull-ring.
"Go on," says Sonia, pointing again with her
cane. Connor sighs and grabs the ring, pulling open the trapdoor to reveal
steep stone steps leading down into darkness. Risa puts down her bowl and,
holding the baby over her shoulder in burping position, approaches the
trapdoor, kneeling beside Connor.
"This is an old building," Sonia tells them.
"Way back in the early twentieth century, during the first Prohibition,
they hid hooch down there."
"Hooch?" asks Connor.
"Alcohol! I swear, this whole generation's the
same. Caps-lock IGNORANT!"
The steps down are steep and uneven. At first Connor
thinks Sonia will send them down alone, but she insists on leading the way.
She takes her time, and seems more surefooted on the steps than she does on
level ground. Connor tries to hold her arm to give her support, but she shakes
him off, and throws him a nasty gaze. "If I want your help, I'll ask. Do I
look feeble to you?"
"Actually, yes."
"Looks are deceiving," she says. "After
all, when I saw you, I thought you looked reasonably intelligent."
"Very funny."
At the bottom, Sonia reaches toward the wall and
throws a light switch.
Risa gasps, and Connor follows her gaze until he sees
them. Three figures. A girl and two boys.
"Your little family has just grown," Sonia
tells them.
The kids don't move. They appear to be close to
Connor's and Risa's age. Fellow Unwinds, for sure. They look wary and
exhausted. Connor wonders if he looks as bad.
"For God's sake, stop staring," she says to them.
"You look like a pack of rats."
Sonia shuffles around the dusty cellar, pointing
things out to Risa and Connor. "There arc canned
goods on these shelves, and a can opener around somewhere. Eat whatever you
want, but don't leave anything over or you really will see rats. Bathroom's
back there. Keep it clean. I'll go out in a bit and get some formula and a baby
bottle." She glances at Connor. "Oh, and there's a first-aid kit
around here somewhere for the bite on your arm, whatever that's all
about."
Connor suppresses a grin. Sonia doesn't miss a thing.
"How much longer?" asks the oldest of the
three cellar-rats, a muscular guy who looks at Connor with intense distrust,
as if Connor might challenge his role as alpha male or something.
"What do you care?" says Sonia. "You
got a pressing appointment?"
The kid doesn't respond; he just glares at Sonia and
crosses his arms, displaying a shark tattooed on his forearm. Ooh, thinks
Connor with a smirk. Intimidating. Now I'm really scared.
Sonia sighs. "Four more days until I'm rid of you
for good."
"What happens in four days?" Risa asks.
"The ice cream man comes." And with that,
Sonia climbs up the stairs faster than Connor thought she'd be able to. The
trapdoor bangs closed.
"Dear, sweet Dragon Lady won't tell us what
happens next," says the second boy, a lanky blond kid with a faint smirk
that seems permanently fixed on his face. He has braces on teeth that don't
appear to need them. Although his eyes tell of sleepless nights, his hair is
perfect. Connor can tell that this kid, despite the rags he's wearing, comes
from money.
"We get sent to harvest camp and they cut us
apart, that's what happens next," says the girl. She's Asian, and looks
almost as tough as the kid with the tattoo, with hair dyed a deep shade of pink
and a spiked leather choker on her neck.
Shark Boy looks at her sharply. "Will you shut up
with your end-of-the-world crap?" Connor notices that the kid has four
parallel scratch marks on one side of his face, consistent with fingernails.
The girl has a black eye.
"It's not the end of the world," she
grumbles. "Just the end of us."
"You're beautiful when you're nihilistic,"
says the smirker.
"Shut up."
"You're only saving that because you don't know
what nihilistic means."
Risa gives Connor a look, and he knows what she's
thinking. We have to suffer through four days with this crew? Still,
she's the first to hold out her hand to them and introduce herself.
Reluctantly, Connor does the same.
Turns out, each of these kids, just like every Unwind,
has a story that ranks a ten on the Kleenex scale.
The smirker is Hayden. As
Connor predicted, he comes from a ridiculously wealthy family. When his parents
got a divorce, there was a brutal custody battle over him. Two years and six
court dates later, it still wasn't resolved. In the end the only thing his
mother and father could agree on was that each would rather see Hayden unwound
than allow the other parent to have custody.
"If you could harness the energy of my parents'
spite," Hayden tells them, "you could power a small city for several
years."
The girl is Mai. Her parents kept trying for a boy,
until they finally got one—but not before having four girls first. Mai was the fourth.
"It's nothing new," Mai tells them. "Back in China, in the days
when they only allowed one kid per family, people were killing off their baby
girls left and right."
The big kid is Roland. He had dreams of being a
military boeuf but apparently had too much
testosterone, or steroids, or a combination of both, leaving him a little too
scary even for the military. Like Connor, Roland got into fights at school— although
Connor suspected Roland's fights were much, much worse. That's not what did him
in, though. Roland had beaten up his stepfather for beating his mom. The mother
took her husband's side, and the stepfather got off with a warning. Roland, on
the other hand, was sent to be unwound.
"That's so unfair," Risa tells him.
"Like what happened to you is any fairer?"
says Connor.
Roland fixes his gaze on Connor. It's emotional stone.
"You keep talking to her in that tone of voice, maybe she'll find herself
a new boyfriend."
Connor smiles with mocking warmth at him, and glances
at the tattoo on his wrist. "I like your dolphin."
Roland is not amused. "It's a tiger shark,
idiot."
Connor makes a mental note never to turn his back on
Roland.
* * *
Sharks, Connor once read, have a deadly form of
claustrophobia. It's not so much a fear of enclosed spaces as it is an inability
to exist in them. No one knows why. Some say it's the metal in aquariums that
throws their equilibrium off. But whatever it is, big sharks don't last long in
captivity.
After a day in Sonia's basement, Connor knows how they
feel. Risa has the baby to keep her occupied. It requires a huge amount of
attention, and although she gripes about the responsibility, Connor can tell
she's thankful simply to have something to help pass the hours. There's a back
room to the basement, and Roland insists that Risa have it for herself and the
baby. He acts like he's doing it to be kind, but it's obvious that he's doing
it because he can't stand the baby's crying.
Mai reads. There's a whole collection of dusty old
books in the corner, and Mai always has one in her hand. Roland, having
surrendered the back room to Risa, pulls out a shelving unit and sets up his
own private residence behind it. He occupies the space like he's had
experience with being in a cell. When he's not sitting in his little cell, he's
reorganizing the food in the basement into rations. "I take care of the
food," he announces. "Now that there's five of us, I'll redivide the rations, and decide who gets what and
when."
"I can decide what I want and when for
myself," Connor tells him.
"Not gonna work that way," Roland says.
"I had things under control before you got here. It's gonna stay that
way." Then he hands Connor a can of Spam. Connor looks at it in disgust.
"You want better," Roland says, "then you get with the program."
Connor tries to weigh the wisdom of getting into a
fight over this—but wisdom rarely arrives when Connor is ticked off. It's
Hayden who defuses the situation before it can escalate. Hayden grabs the can
from Connor and pulls open the top.
"You snooze, you lose," he says, and begins
eating the Spam casually with his fingers. "Never had Spam till I came
here—now
I love it." Then he grins. "God help me, I'm turning into trailer
trash."
Roland glares at Connor and Connor glares back. Then
he says what he always says at moments like this.
"Nice socks."
Although Roland doesn't look down right away, it
derails him just enough for him to back off. He doesn't check to see if his
socks match until he thinks Connor isn't looking. And the moment he does,
Connor snickers. Small victories are better than none.
Hayden is a bit of a riddle. Connor's not sure whether
he's actually amused by everything that goes on around him or if it's all just
an act—a
way of defending himself against a situation too painful to allow himself to
feel. Usually Connor disliked rich, affected kids like Hayden, but there's something
about Hayden that simply makes it impossible not to like him.
Connor sits next to Hayden, who glances to make sure
that Roland has gone behind his shelving unit.
"I like the 'nice socks' maneuver," says
Hayden. "Mind if I use that sometime?"
"Be my guest."
Hayden pulls off a piece of Spam and offers it to
Connor. Although it's the last thing Connor wants right now, he takes it,
because he knows it's not about the meat—just as he knows Hayden didn't take
it because he wanted it.
The chunk of processed ham passes from Hayden to
Connor, and something between them relaxes. An understanding is reached. I'm
on your side, that piece of Spam says. I've got your back.
"Did you mean to have the baby?" Hayden
asks.
Connor considers how he might answer. He figures the
truth is the best way to begin even a tentative friendship. "It's not
mine."
Hayden nods. "It's cool that you're hanging with
her even though the kid's not yours."
"It's not hers, either."
Hayden smirks. He doesn't ask how the baby came into
their possession, because apparently the version he's come up with in his mind
is far more entertaining than anything Connor can offer. "Don't tell
Roland," he says. "The only reason he's being so nice to the two of
you is because he believes in the sanctity of the nuclear family." Connor
can't tell whether Hayden's being serious or sarcastic. He suspects he'll never
figure that out.
Hayden chows down the last of the Spam, looks into the
empty can, and sighs. "My life as a Morlock,"
he says.
"Am I supposed to know what that is?"
"Light-sensitive underground frogmen, often
portrayed in bad green-rubber costumes. Sadly, this is what we've become.
Except for the green-rubber costume part."
Connor glances at the food shelves. When he listens
closely, he can hear the tinny beat of music coming from the antique MPS player
Roland must have stolen from upstairs when he first arrived.
"How long have you known Roland?"
"Three days longer than you," Hayden says.
"Word to the unwise—which I suspect you are—Roland is fine as long as he thinks
he's in charge. As long as you let him think that, we're all one big, happy
family."
"What if I don't want him to think that?"
Hayden tosses his can of Spam into the trash a few
feet away. "The thing about Morlocks is that
they're known to be cannibals."
* * *
Connor can't sleep that first night. Between the
discomfort of the basement and his distrust of Roland, all he can do is doze for
moments at a time. He wont sleep in the side room
with Risa because the space is small, and he and Risa would have to sleep right
up against each other. He tells himself the real reason is that he's afraid of
rolling over on the baby during the night. Mai and Hayden are also awake. It
looks like Mai's trying to sleep, but her eyes are open and her mind is
somewhere else.
Hayden has lit a candle he found in the debris, making
the basement smell like cinnamon over mildew. Hayden passes his hand back and
forth over the flame. He doesn't move slowly enough to burn himself, but he
does move slowly enough to feel the heat. Hayden notices Connor watching him.
"It's funny how a flame can only burn your hand if you move too
slow," Hayden says. "You can tease it all you want and it never gets
you, if you're quick enough."
"Are you a pyro?"
Connor asks.
"You're confusing boredom with obsession."
Connor can sense, however, that there's more to it.
"I've been thinking about kids that get
unwound," says Hayden.
''Why would you want to do that?" asks Connor.
"Because," says Mai from across the room,
"he's a freak."
"I'm not the one wearing a dog collar."
Mai flips Hayden the finger, which he ignores.
"I've been thinking about how harvest camps are like black holes. Nobody
knows what goes on inside."
"Everybody knows what goes on," says Connor.
"No," says Hayden. "Everybody knows the
result, but nobody knows how unwinding works. I want to know how it happens.
Does it happen right away, or do they keep you waiting? Do they treat you
kindly, or coldly?"
"Well," Mai sneers, "maybe if you're
lucky, you'll get to find out firsthand."
"You know what," says Connor. "You
think too much."
"Well, somebody has to make up for the collective
lack of brainpower down here."
Now Connor finally begins to get it. Even though
Hayden has put the candle down, all this talk of unwinding is just like passing
his hand across the flame. He likes to linger at the edge of dangerous places.
Dangerous thoughts. Connor thinks about his own favorite edge, behind the
freeway road sign. In a way, they're both alike.
"Fine," Connor tells him. "Think about
stuff until your head explodes. But the only thing I want to think about is surviving
to eighteen."
"I find your shallowness both refreshing and
disappointing at the same time. Do you think that means I need therapy?"
"No, I think your parents deciding to unwind you
just to spite each other means you need therapy."
"Good point. You have a lot of insight for a Morlock." Then Hayden gets quiet for a moment. The
smirk on his face fades. "If I actually get unwound, I think it will bring
my parents back together."
Connor doesn't have the heart to burst his fantasy,
but Mai does. "Naah. If you get unwound, they'll
just blame each other for it, and hate each other even more."
"Maybe," says Hayden. "Or maybe they'll
finally see the light, and it will be Humphrey Dunfee all over again."
"Who?" says Mai.
They both turn toward her. Hayden cracks a wide smile.
"You mean you've never heard of Humphrey Dunfee?"
Mai looks around suspiciously. "Should I
have?"
The smile never leaves Hayden's face. "Mai, I'm
truly amazed that you don't know this. It's your kind of story." He
reaches for the candle and pushes it out so that it sits between the three of
them. "It's not a campfire," he says, "but it will have to
do." Hayden looks into the flame for a moment, then slowly, eerily turns
his eyes toward Mai.
"Years ago there was this kid. His name wasn't
really Humphrey—it was probably Hal or Harry or something like that—but
Humphrey kind of fits, considering. Anyway, one day his parents sign the order
to have him unwound."
"Why?" asks Mai.
"Why do any parents sign the order? They just
did, and the Juvey-cops came for him bright and early one morning. They snatch
him, ship him off, and it's over for him.—He's unwound without a hitch."
"So that's it?" asks Mai.
"No . . . because there is a hitch,"
says Connor, picking up where Hayden left off. "See, the Dunfees, they're
not what you would call stable people. They were a little bit nuts to begin
with, but after their kid is unwound, they lose it completely."
Now Mai's tough-girl exterior is all but gone. She
truly is like a little kid listening wide-eyed to a campfire story. "What
did they do?"
"They decided they didn't want Humphrey unwound
after all," says Hayden.
"Wait a second," says Mai. "You said
they already unwound him."
Hayden's eyes look maniacal in the candlelight.
"They did."
Mai shudders.
"Here's the thing," says Hayden. "Like
I said, everything about harvest camp is secret—even the records of who
receives what, once the unwinding is done."
"Yeah, so?"
"So the Dunfees found the records. The father, I
think, worked for the government, so he was able to hack into the parts
department."
"The what?"
Hayden sighs. "The National Unwind
Database."
"Oh."
"And he gets a printout of every single person
who received a piece of Humphrey. Then the Dunfees go traveling around the
world to find them . . . so they can kill them, take back the parts, and bit by
bit make Humphrey whole. . . ."
"No way."
"That's why people call him Humphrey,"
Connor adds. "'Cause 'all the king's horses and all the king's men . . .
couldn't put Humphrey together again."'
The thought hangs heavy in the air, until Hayden,
leaning forward over the candle, suddenly throws his hands out toward Mai and
shouts, "Boo!"
They all flinch in spite of themselves—Mai most of
all.
Connor has
to laugh. "Did you see that? She practically jumped out of her skin!"
"Better not do that, Mai," says Hayden.
"Jump out of your skin, and they'll give it to someone else before you can
get it back."
"You can both just take a flying leap." Mai
tries to punch Hayden, but he easily evades her. That's when Roland appears
from behind his bookshelves.
"What's going on here?"
"Nothing," says Hayden. "Just telling
ghost stories."
Roland looks at the three of them, clearly irritated,
and distrustful of any situation not involving him. "Yeah, well, get to
bed. It's late."
Roland lumbers back to his corner, but Connor's sure
he's monitoring the conversation now, probably paranoid that they're plotting
against him.
"That Humphrey Dunfee thing," says Mai.
"It's just a story, right?"
Connor keeps his opinion to himself, but Hayden says,
"I knew a kid who used to tell people he had Humphrey's liver. Then one
day he disappeared and was never seen again. People said he just got unwound,
but then again . . . maybe the Dunfees got him." Then Hayden blows out the
candle, leaving them in darkness.
* * *
On Connor and Risa's third day there, Sonia calls each
of them upstairs—but one at a time, in the order they'd arrived.
"First the thieving ox," she says, pointing
down the stairs at Roland. Apparently she knows about the stolen MP3 player.
"What do you suppose the Dragon Lady wants?"
Hayden asks, after the trapdoor is closed.
"To drink your blood," says Mai. "Beat
you with her cane for a while. Stuff like that."
"I wish you'd stop calling her the Dragon
Lady," Risa says. "She's saving your ass—the least
you could do is show some respect.'' She
turns toward Connor. "You wanna take Didi? My
arms are getting tired." Connor takes the baby, cradling it a bit more
skillfully than he had before. Mai looks at him with mild interest. He wonders
if Hayden told her that they're not really the baby's parents.
Roland comes back from his appointment with Sonia half
an hour later, and says nothing about it. Neither does Mai when she comes back.
Hayden takes the longest, and when he returns, he's closemouthed too—which is
strange for him. It's unsettling.
Connor goes next. It's night outside when he goes
upstairs. He has no idea what time of night. Sonia sits with him in her little
back room, putting him in an uncomfortable chair that wobbles whenever he
moves.
"You'll be leaving here tomorrow," she tells
him.
"Going where?"
She ignores the question and reaches into the drawer
of an old rolltop desk. "I'm hoping you're at
least semiliterate."
"Why? What do you want me to read?"
"You don't have to read anything." Then she
pulls out several sheets of blank paper. "I want you to write."
"What, my last will and testament? Is that
it?"
"A will implies you have something to pass on—which you
don't. What I want you to do is write a letter." She hands him the paper,
a pen, and an envelope. "Write a letter to someone you love. Make it as
long as you want, or as short as you want; I don't care. But fill it with
everything you wished you could say, but never had the chance. Do you
understand?"
"What if I don't love anybody?"
She purses her lips and shakes her head slowly.
"You Unwinds are all the same. You think that because no one loves you,
then you can't love anyone. All right, then, if there's no one you love, then
pick someone who needs to hear what you have to say. Say everything that's in
your heart—don't
hold back. And when you're done, put it in the envelope and seal it. I'm not
going to read it, so don't worry about that."
"What's the point? Are you going to mail
it?"
"Just do it and stop asking questions." Then
she takes a little ceramic dinner bell, and places it on the rolltop desk, next to the pen and paper. "Take all the
time you need, and when you're done, ring the bell."
Then she leaves him alone.
It's an odd request, and Connor actually finds himself
a bit frightened by it. There are places inside he simply doesn't want to go.
He thinks he might write to Ariana. That would be easiest.
He had cared about her. She was closer to him than any other girl had ever
been. Every girl except Risa—but then, Risa doesn't really count. What he and Risa have
isn't a relationship; it's just two people clinging to the same ledge hoping
not to fall. After about three lines of his letter, Connor crumples the page.
Writing to Ariana feels pointless. No matter how much
he's resisted, he knows who he needs to address this letter to.
He presses his pen to a fresh page and writes, Dear
Mom and Dad. . . .
It's five minutes before he can come up with another
line, but once he does, the words start flowing—and in strange directions,
too. At first it's angry, as he knew it would be. How could you? Why did you?
What kind of people could do this to their kid? Yet by the third page it
mellows. It becomes about all the good things that happened in their lives
together. At first he does it to hurt them, and to remind them exactly what
they've thrown away when they signed the order to unwind him. But then it becomes
all about remembering—or more to the point, getting them to remember, so
that when he's gone . . . if he's gone, there will be a record of
all the things he felt were worth keeping
alive. When he started, he knew how the letter would end. I hate you for
what you've done. And I'll never forgive you. But when he finally reaches
the tenth page, he finds himself writing, J love you. Your one-time son,
Connor.
Even before he signs his name, he feels the tears
welling up inside. They don't seem to come from his eyes but from deep in his
gut. It's a heaving so powerful it hurts his stomach and his lungs. His eyes
flood, and the pain inside is so great, he's certain it will kill him right
here, right now. But he doesn't die, and in time the storm inside him passes,
leaving him weak in every joint and muscle of his body. He feels like he needs
Sonia's cane just to walk again.
His tears have soaked into the pages, warping little
craters in the paper but not smudging the ink. He folds the pages and slips
them into the envelope, then seals and addresses it. He takes a few more
minutes to make sure the storm won't come back. Then he rings the little bell.
Sonia steps in moments later. She must have been
waiting all this time just on the other side of that curtain. Connor knows she
must have heard him bawling, but she doesn't say a thing. She looks at his
letter, hefts it in her hand to feel its weight, and raises her eyebrows,
impressed. "Had a lot to say, did you?"
Connor only shrugs. She puts the envelope facedown on the table again. "Now I want you to put a
date on the back. Write down the date of your eighteenth birthday."
Connor doesn't question her anymore. He does as she
asks. When he's done, she takes the envelope from him. "I'm going to hold
this letter for you," she tells him. "If you survive to eighteen, you
must promise that you'll come back here to get it. Will you make me that
promise?"
Connor nods. "I promise."
She shakes the letter at him to help make her point.
"I will keep this until a year after your eighteenth birthday. If you
don't come back, I'll assume you didn't make it. That you were unwound. In that
case I'll send the letter myself."
Then she hands the letter back to him, stands, and
goes over to the old trunk that had covered the trapdoor. She opens the latch
and, although it must be heavy, heaves open the lid to reveal envelopes—hundreds of
them, filling the trunk almost up to the top.
"Leave it here," she says. "It will be
safe. If I die before you come back, Hannah has promised to take care of the
trunk."
Connor thinks of all the kids Sonia must have helped
to have this many letters in her trunk, and he feels another wave of emotion
taking hold of his gut. It doesn't quite bring him to tears, but it makes him
feel all soft inside. Soft enough to say, "You've done something wonderful
here."
Sonia waves her hand, swatting the thought away.
"You think this makes me a saint? Let me tell you, I've had a considerably
long life, and I've done some pretty awful things, too."
"Well, I don't care. No matter how many times you
smack me with that cane, I think you're decent."
"Maybe, maybe not. One thing you learn when
you've lived as long as I have—people aren't all good, and people aren't all bad. We move
in and out of darkness and light all of our lives. Right now, I'm pleased to be
in the light."
On his way downstairs, she makes sure to smack him on
the butt with her cane hard enough to sting, but it only makes him laugh.
He doesn't tell Risa what's in store for her. Somehow
telling her would be stealing something from her. Let this be between her,
Sonia, the pen, and the page, as it had been for him.
She leaves the baby with him as she goes up to face
the old woman. It's asleep, and right now, in this place and at this moment,
there's something so comforting about holding it in his arms, he's thankful he
saved it. And he thinks that if his soul had a form, this is what it would be.
A baby sleeping in his arms.
20 Risa
The next time Sonia opens the trapdoor, Risa knows
things are changing again. The time has come to leave the safety of Sonia's
basement.
Risa's the first in line when Sonia calls them to come
up. Roland would have been, but Connor threw an arm out like a turnstile to let
Risa get to the stairs first.
With the sleeping baby crooked in her right arm, and
her left hand on the rusty steel banister, Risa climbs the jagged stone steps.
Risa assumes she'll be climbing into daylight, but it's night. The lights are out
in the shop—just
a few night-lights are on, carefully positioned so the kids can avoid the
minefield of random antiques around them.
Sonia leads them to a back door that opens into an
alley. There's a truck waiting for them there. It's a small delivery truck. On
its side is a picture of an ice cream cone.
Sonia hadn't lied. It is the ice cream man.
The driver stands beside the open back door of the
truck. He's a scruffy guy who looks like he'd more likely be delivering illegal
drugs than kids. Roland, Hayden, and Mai head for the truck, but Sonia stops
Risa and Connor.
"Not yet, you two."
Then Risa notices a figure standing in the shadows.
Risa's neck hairs begin to bristle defensively, but when the figure steps
forward, she realizes who it is. It's Hannah, the teacher who saved them at the
high school.
"Honey, the baby can't go where you're
going," Hannah says.
Reflexively, Risa holds the baby closer to her. She
doesn't even know why. All she's wanted to do since getting stuck with the
thing is to get rid of it.
"It's all right," says Hannah. "I've
talked it over with my husband. We'll just say we were storked.
It will be fine."
Risa looks in Hannah's eyes. She can't see all that
well in the dim light, but she knows the woman means what she says.
Connor, however, steps between them. "Do you want
this baby?"
"She's willing to take it," says Risa.
"That's enough."
"But does she want it?"
"Did you want it?"
That seems to give Connor pause for thought. Risa
knows he didn't want it, but he had been willing to take it when the
alternative was a miserable life with a miserable family. Just as Hannah is
willing to save it from an uncertain future right now. Finally Connor says,
"It's not an it. It's a she." Then he heads off toward
the truck.
"We'll give her a good home," Hannah says.
She takes a step closer, and Risa transfers the baby to her.
The moment the baby is out of her arms Risa feels a
tremendous sense of relief, but also an indefinable sense of emptiness. It's a
feeling not quite intense enough to leave her in tears, but strong enough to
leave her with a phantom sort of aching, the type of thing an amputee must feel
after losing a limb. That is, before a new one is grafted on.
"You take care, now," says Sonia, giving
Risa an awkward hug. "It's a long journey, but I know you can make
it."
"Journey to where?"
Sonia doesn't answer.
"Hey," says the driver, "I don't got
all night."
Risa says good-bye to Sonia, nods to Hannah, and turns
to join Connor, who's waiting lor her at the back of
the truck. As Risa leaves, the baby starts to cry, but she doesn't look back.
She's surprised to find about a dozen other kids in
the truck, all distrustful and scared. Roland's still the biggest, and he
solidifies his position by making another kid move, even though there's plenty
of other places to sit.
The delivery truck is a hard, cold, metal box. It once
had a refrigeration unit to keep the ice cream cold, but that's gone along with
the ice cream. Still, it's freezing in there, and it smells of spoiled dairy.
The driver closes and locks the back doors, sealing out the sound of the baby,
who Risa can still hear crying. Even after the door is closed, she thinks she
can still hear it, although it's probably just her imagination.
The ice cream truck bounces along the uneven streets.
The way the truck sways, their backs are constantly smacked against the wall
behind them.
Risa closes her eyes. It makes her furious that she
actually misses the baby. It was thrust upon her at the worst possible moment
in her life—why
should she have any regret about being rid of it? She thinks about the days
before the Heartland War, when unwanted babies could just be unwanted pregnancies,
quickly made to go away. Did the women who made that other choice feel the way
she felt now? Relieved and freed from an unwelcome and often unfair
responsibility . . . yet vaguely regretful?
In her days at the state home, when she was assigned
to take care of the infants, she would often ponder such things. The infant
wing had been massive and overflowing with identical cribs, each containing a
baby that nobody had wanted, wards of a state that could barely feed them, much
less nurture them.
"You can't change laws without first changing
human nature," one of the nurses often said as she looked out over the
crowd of crying infants. Her name was Greta. Whenever she said something like
that, there was always another nurse within earshot who was far more accepting
of the system and would counter with, "You can't change human nature
without first changing the law." Nurse Greta wouldn't argue; she'd just
grunt and walk away.
Which was worse, Risa often wondered—to have
tens of thousands of babies that no one wanted, or to silently make them go
away before they were even born? On different days Risa had different answers.
Nurse Greta was old enough to remember the days before
the war, but she rarely spoke of them. All her attention was given to her job,
which was a formidable one, since there was only one nurse for every fifty
babies. "In a place like this you have to practice triage," she told
Risa, referring to how, in an emergency, a nurse had to choose which patients
would get medical attention. "Love the ones you can," Nurse Greta
told her. "Pray for the rest." Risa took the advice to heart, and
selected a handful of favorites to give extra attention. These were the ones
Risa named herself, instead of letting the randomizing computer name them. Risa
liked to think she had been named by a human being instead of by a computer.
After all, her name wasn't all that common. "It's short for sonrisa," a Hispanic kid once told her.
"That's Spanish for 'smile.'" Risa didn't know if she had any
Hispanic blood in her, but she liked to think she did. It connected her to her
name.
"What are you thinking about?" Connor asks,
tearing her out of her thoughts and bringing her back to the uneasy reality
around them.
"None of your business.''
Connor doesn't look at her—he seems to
be focusing on a big rust spot on the wall, thinking. "You okay about the
baby?" he asks.
"Of course." Her tone is intentionally
indignant, as if the question itself offended her.
"Hannah will give her a good home," Connor
says. "Better than us, that's for sure, and better than that beady-eyed
cow who got storked." He hesitates for a moment,
then says, "Taking that baby was a massive screwup,
I know—but
it ended okay for us, right? And it definitely ended better for the baby."
"Don't screw up like that again," is all
Risa says.
Roland, sitting toward the front, turns to the driver
and asks, "Where are we going?"
"You're asking the wrong guy," the driver
answers. "They give me an address. I go there, I look the other way, and I
get paid."
"This is how it works," says another kid who
had already been in the truck when it arrived at Sonia's. "We get shuffled
around. One safe house for a few days, then another, and then another. Each one
is a little bit closer to where we're going."
"You gonna tell us where that is?" asks
Roland.
The kid looks around, hoping someone else might answer
for him, but no one comes to his aid. So he says, "Well, it's only what I
hear, but they say we end up in a place called . . . the graveyard."'
No response from the kids, just the rattling of the
truck.
The graveyard. The
thought of it makes Risa even colder. Even though she's curled up knees to
chest, arms wrapped tight around her like a straitjacket, she's still freezing.
Connor must hear the chattering of her teeth, because he puts his arm around
her.
"I'm cold too," he says. "Body heat,
right?"
And although she has an urge to push him away, she
finds herself leaning into him until she can feel his heartbeat in her ears.
Part Three
Transit
2003: UKRAINIAN MATERNITY
HOSPITAL #6
. . . The BBC has spoken to mothers from the city of Kharkiv who say they gave birth to healthy babies, only to have them taken by maternity staff. In 2003 the authorities agreed to exhume around 30 bodies from a cemetery used by maternity hospital number 6. One campaigner was allowed into the autopsy to gather video evidence. She has given that footage to the BBC and Council of Europe.
In its report, the Council describes a general culture of trafficking of children snatched at birth, and a wall of silence from hospital staff upward over their fate. The pictures show organs, including brains, have been stripped—and some bodies dismembered. A senior British forensic pathologist says he is very concerned to see bodies in pieces—as that is not standard postmortem practice. It could possibly be a result of harvesting stem cells from bone marrow.
Hospital number 6 denies the allegation.
Story by Matthew Hill, BBC Health Correspondent
From BBC NEWS: at BBC.com
http://news.bbt.co.Uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/europe/6171083.stm
Published: 2006/12/12 09:34:50 GMT © BBC MMVI
21 Lev
"Ain't no one gonna tell you what's in your
heart," he tells Lev. "You gotta find that out for yourself."
Lev and his new travel companion walk along train
tracks, surrounded by thick, brushy terrain.
"You got it in your heart to run from unwinding,
ain't no one can tell you it's the wrong thing to do, even if it is against
the law. The good Lord wouldn't have put it in your heart if it wasn't right.
You listenin', Fry? 'Cause this here is wisdom.
Wisdom you can take to the grave, then dig it up again when you need some
solace. Solace—that means 'comfort.'"
"I know what solace means," says Lev, peeved
by the mention of "the good Lord," who hasn't done much for Lev
lately, except confuse things.
The kid is fifteen, and his name is Cyrus Finch—although he
doesn't go by that name. "No one calls me Cyrus," he had told Lev
shortly after they met. "I go by CyFi."
And, since CyFi is partial to nicknames, he calls Lev
"Fry"—short for small-fry. Since it has the same number of letters
as "Lev," he says it's appropriate. Lev doesn't want to burst his
bubble by pointing out that his full name is Levi.
CyFi enjoys hearing himself talk.
"I make my own roads in life," he tells Lev.
"That's how come we're traveling the rails instead of some dumb old country
road."
CyFi is umber. "They used to call us black—can you
imagine? Then there was this artist dude—mixed-race himself, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. He got
famous, though, for painting people of African ancestry in the Deep South. The
color he used most was umber. People liked that a whole lot better, so it
stuck. Bet you didn't know where the word came from, did you, Fry? Following
right along, they started calling so-called white people "sienna,"
after another paint color. Better words. Didn't have no value judgment to them.
Of course, it's not like racism is gone completely, but as my dads like to say, the veneer of civilization got itself a
second coat. You like that, Fry? "The veneer of civilization?" He
slowly sweeps his hand in the air as he says it, like he's feeling the fine
finish of a table. "My dads are always saying stuff like that."
CyFi's a runaway, although he claims not to be. "I
ain't no runaway—I'm a run-to," he had told Lev when they first met,
although he won't tell Lev where he's running to. When Lev asked, CyFi shook
his head and said, "Information shall be given on a need-to-know
basis."
Well, he can keep his secret, because Lev doesn't care
where he's going. The simple fact that he has a destination is enough for Lev.
It's more than Lev has. Destination implies a future. If this umber-skinned boy
can lend Lev that much, it's worth it to travel with him.
They had met at a mall. Hunger had driven Lev there.
He had hidden in dark lonely places for almost two days after he lost Connor
and Risa. With no experience being a street rat, he went hungry—but
eventually, hunger turns anyone into a master of survival.
The mall was a mecca for a
newborn street rat. The food court was full of amazingly wasteful people. The
trick, Lev discovered, was to find people who bought more food than they could
possibly cat, and then wait until they were done. About half the time, they
just left it on the table. Those were the ones Lev went after—because he
might have been hungry enough to eat
table scraps, but he was still too proud to rifle through the trash. While Lev
was finishing off some cheerleader's pizza, he heard a voice in his ear.
"You ain't gotta be eatin'
other folks' garbage, foo'!"
Lev froze, certain it was a security guard ready to
haul him away, but it was only this tall umber kid with a funny grin, wearing
attitude like it was a cologne. "Let me show you how it's done." Then
he went to a pretty girl who was working at the Wicked Wok Chinese food
concession, flirted with her for a few-minutes, then left with nothing. No
food, no drink, nothing.
"I think I'll stick to leftovers,'' Lev had told
him.
"Patience, my man. See, it's gettin'
on toward closing time. All these places, by law gotta get rid of all the food
they made today. They can't keep it and reuse it tomorrow. So where do you
think that food goes? I'll tell you where it goes. It goes home with the last
shift. But the people who work these places ain't gonna eat that stuff on accounta they are sick to death of it. See that girl I was talkin' to? She likes me. I told her I worked at Shirt
Bonanza, downstairs, and could get her some overstock maybe."
"Do you
work there?"
"No! Are you even listenin'
to me? So any-who, right before closing I'm gonna get myself over to the Wicked
Wok again. I'll give her a smile, and I'll be all, like, 'Hey, whatcha gonna do with all that leftover food?' And she'll be all, like, 'Whatcha
got in mind?' And five minutes later I'm walking away in orange chicken heaven,
with enough to feed an army."
And sure enough, it happened exactly like he said it
would. Lev was amazed.
"Stick with me," CyFi had said, putting his
fist in the air, "and as God is my witness, you will never go hungry
again." Then he added, "That's from Gone with the Wind."
"I know," said Lev. Which, in fact, he
didn't.
Lev had agreed to go with him because he knew the two
tilled a need in each other. CyFi was like a preacher with no flock. He
couldn't exist without an audience, and Lev needed someone who could fill his
head with ideas, to replace the lifetime of ideas that had been taken from
him.
A day later, Lev's shoes are worn and his muscles are
sore. The memory of Risa and Connor is still a fresh wound, and it doesn't want
to heal. Chances are, they were caught. Chances are, they've been unwound. All
because of him. Does that make him an accomplice to murder?
How could it, when Unwinds aren't really dead?
He doesn't know whose voice is in his head anymore.
His father's? Pastor Dan's? It just makes him angry. He'd rather hear CyFi's voice outside of his head than whatever voices were
inside.
The terrain around them hasn't changed much since they
left town. Eye-high shrubs and a smattering of trees. Some of the growth is
evergreen, some of it yellow, turning brown. Weeds grow up between the train
tracks, but not too tall.
"Any weed dumb enough to grow tall ain't got no
chance. It gets decapitated by the next train that comes through. Decapitated—that means
'head cut off."'
"I know what 'decapitated' means—and you can
stop talking that way; all double negatives and stuff."
CyFi stops right there in the middle of the railroad
tracks and stares at Lev like he's trying to melt him with his eyes.
"You got a problem with the way I talk? You got a
problem with an Old World Umber patois?"
"I do when it's fake."
"Whachoo talkin' about, foo'!"
"It's obvious. I'll bet people never even said
things like 'foo,' except on dumb prewar TV shows and
stuff. You're speaking wrong on purpose."
"Wrong? What makes it wrong? It's classic, just
like those TV shows—and I ain't appreciating you disrespecting my patois.
Patois means—"
"I know what it means," Lev says even though
he isn't entirely sure. "I ain't stupid!"
CyFi puts up an accusing finger like a lawyer.
"A-HA! You said 'ain't.' Now who's talking wrong?"
"That doesn't count! I said it because it's all I
hear from you! After a while I can't help but sound like you!"
At that, CyFi grins. "Yeah," he says.
"Ain't that the truth. Old World Umber is contagious. It's dominant. And
talkin' the talk don't make a person dumb. I'll have
you know, I got the highest readin' and writin' score in my school, Fry. But I gotta respect my
ancestors an' all they went through so I could be here. Sure, I can talk like
you, but I choose not to. It's like art, you know? Picasso had to prove
to the world he can paint the right way, before he goes putting both eyes on
one side of a face, and noses stickin' outta kneecaps and stuff. See, if you paint wrong because
that's the best you can do, you just a chump. But you do it because you want
to? Then you're an artist." He smiles at Lev. "That's a bit of CyFi
wisdom right there, Fry. You can take that to the grave, and dig it up
when you need it!"
CyFi turns and spits out a piece of gum that hits a
train rail and sticks there, then he shoves another piece in his mouth.
"Anyway, my dads got no problem with it—and they're
lily-sienna like you."
"They?" Cy had said "dads" before,
but Lev had figured it was just some more Old Umber slang.
"Yeah," says CyFi, with a shrug. "I got
two. Ain't no thang."
Lev tries his best to process this. Of course, he's
heard of male parenting—or "yin families," as they're currently called—but in the sheltered structure of his life, such
things always belonged to an alternate universe.
CyFi, however, doesn't even catch Lev's surprise. He's
still on his brag jag.
"Yeah, I got myself an IQ of 155. Did you know
that, Fry? A'course not—how would you know?"
Then he hesitates. "It went down a few points, though, on account the
accident. I was on my hike and got hit by some damfoo'
in a Mercedes." He points to a scar on the side of his head. "What a
mess. Splattered—y'know? I was nearly roadkill. It turned my right temporal lobe into
Jell-O." He shivers as he thinks about it, then shrugs. "But brain
damage ain't a problem like it used to be. They just replace the brain tissue
and you're good as new. My dads even paid off the
surgeon so I'd get an entire temporal lobe from an Unwind—no offense— rather
than getting a buncha brain bits, like people are supposed
to get."
Lev knows about that. His sister Cara has epilepsy, so
they replaced a small part of her brain with a hundred tiny brain bits. It took
care of the problem, and she didn't seem any worse for it. It had never
occurred to Lev where those tiny pieces of brain tissue might have come from.
"See, brain bits work okay, but they don't work
great," CyFi explains. "It's like puttin'
spackle over a hole in a wall. No matter how well you do it, that wall ain't
never gonna be as good. So my dads made sure I got an
entire temporal lobe from a single donor. But that kid wasn't as smart as me.
He wasn't no dummy, but he didn't have the I 55. The last brain scan put me at
130. That's in the top 5 percent of the population, and still considered
genius. Just not with a capital G. What's your IQ?" he asks Lev.
"Are you a dim bulb or high-wattage?"
Lev sighs. "I don't know. My parents don't
believe in intelligence scans. It's kind of a religious thing. Everyone's
equal in Cod's eyes and all that."
"Oh—you come from one of those families."
CyFi takes a good look at him. "So
if they all high and mighty, why they unwinding you?"
Although Lev doesn't want to get into it, he figures
CyFi is the only friend he's got. Might as well tell him the truth. "I'm a
tithe."
CyFi looks at him with eyes all wide, like Lev just
told him he was God himself.
"Damn! So you all holy and stuff?"
"Not anymore."
CyFi nods and purses his lips, saying nothing for a
while. They walk along the tracks. The railroad ties change from wood to stone,
and the gravel on the side of the tracks now seems better maintained.
"We just crossed the state line," CyFi says.
Lev would ask him which state they've crossed into,
but he doesn't want to sound stupid.
* * *
Any spot where multiple tracks merge or diverge,
there's a little two-story shack standing there like a displaced lighthouse. A
railroad switch house. There are plenty of them along this stretch of the line,
and these are the places Lev and CyFi find shelter each night.
"Aren't you afraid someone from the railroads'll find us here?" Lev asks as they approach
one of the sorry-looking structures.
"Nah—they ain't used anymore," CyFi
tells him. "The whole system's automated—been that way for years, but it
costs too much to tear all those switch houses down. Guess they figure nature
will eventually tear them down for free."
The switch house is padlocked, but a padlock is only
as strong as the door it's on—and this door had been routed by-termites. A single kick
rips the padlock hasp from the wood, and the door flies inward to a shower of
dust and dead spiders.
Upstairs is an eight-by-eight room, windows on all
four sides. It's freezing. CyFi has an expensive-looking winter coat that keeps
him warm at night. Lev only has a puffy fiberfill jacket that he stole from a
chair at the mall the other day.
CyFi had turned his nose up when he saw Lev take that
jacket, just before they left the mall. "Stealing's
for lowlifes," Cy had said. "If you got class, you don't steal what
you need, you get other people to give it to you of their own free will— just like
I did back at that Chinese place. It's all about being smart, and being smooth.
You'll learn."
Lev's stolen jacket is white, and he hates it. All his
life he'd worn white—a pristine absence of color that defined him—but now there
was no comfort in wearing it.
They eat well that night—thanks to Lev, who finally
had his own survivalist brainstorm. It involved small animals killed by passing
trains.
"I ain't eatin' no
track-kill!" CyFi insisted when Lev had suggested it. "Those things coulda been rottin' out here for
weeks, for all we know."
"No," Lev told him. "Here's what we do:
We walk a few miles down the tracks, marking each dead critter with a stick.
Then, when the next train comes through, we backtrack. Anything we find that's
not marked is fresh." Granted, it was a fairly disgusting idea on the
surface, but it was really no different from hunting—if your
weapon were a diesel engine.
They build a small fire beside the switch house and
dine on roast rabbit and armadillo—which doesn't taste as bad as Lev
thought it would. In the end, meat is meat, and barbecue does for armadillo
exactly what it does for steak.
"Smorgas-bash!!"
CyFi decides to call this hunting method as they eat. "That's what I call
creative problem solving. Maybe you're a genius after all, Fry."
It feels good to have Cy's approval.
"Hey, is today Thursday?" says Lev, just
realizing. "I think it's Thanksgiving!"
"Well, Fry, we're alive. That's plenty to be
thankful for."
* * *
That night, up in the small room of the switch house,
CyFi asks the big question. "Why'd your parents tithe you, Fry?"
One of the good things about being with CyFi is that
he talks about himself a lot. It keeps Lev from having to think about his own
life. Except, of course, when Cy asks. Lev answers him with silence, pretending
to be asleep—and
if there's one thing he knows CyFi can't stand, it's silence, so he fills it
himself.
"Were you a storked
baby? Is that it? They didn't want you in the first place, and couldn't wait to
get rid of you?"
Lev keeps his eyes closed and doesn't move.
"Well, I was storked,"
Cy says. "My dads got me on the doorstep the
first day of summer. No big deal—they were ready to have a family
anyway. In fact, they were so pleased, they finally made it official and got
themselves mmarried."
Lev opens his eyes, curious enough to admit he's still
awake. "But . . . after the Heartland War, didn't they make it illegal for
men to get married?"
"They didn't get married, they got mmarried."
"What's the difference?"
CyFi looks at him like he's a moron. "The letter m.
Anyway, in case you're wondering, I'm not like my dads—my compass
points to girls, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah. Yeah, mine does too." What he doesn't
tell CyFi is that the closest he's ever been to a date or even kissing a girl
was the slow dancing at his tithing party.
The thought of the party brings a sudden and sharp
jolt of anxiety that makes him want to scream, so he squeezes his eyes tight and
forces that explosive feeling to go away.
Everything from Lev's old life is like that now—a ticking
time bomb in his head. Forget that life, he tells himself. You're not
that boy anymore.
"What are your parents like?" CyFi asks.
"I hate them," Lev says, surprised that he's
said it. Surprised that he means it. "That's not what I asked."
This time Cy isn't taking silence for an answer, so
Lev tells him as best he can. "My parents," he begins, "do
everything they're supposed to. They pay their taxes. They go to church. They
vote the way their friends expect them to vote, and think what they're supposed
to think, and they send us to schools that raise us to think exactly like they
do."
"Doesn't sound too terrible to me."
"It wasn't," says Lev, his discomfort
building. "But they loved God more than they loved me, and I hate them for
it. So I guess that means I'm going to Hell."
"Hmm. Tell you what. When you get there, save a
room for me, okay?"
"Why? What makes you think you're going there?''
"I don't, but just in case. Gotta plan your
contingencies, right?"
* * *
Two days later they find themselves in the town of
Scottsburg, Indiana. Well, at least Lev finally knows what state they're in. He
wonders if maybe this is CyFi's destination, but Cy
hasn't said anything either way. They've left the railroad tracks, and CyFi
tells Lev they have to go south on county roads until they can find tracks
heading in that direction.
Cy hasn't been acting right. It began the night
before. Something in his voice.
Something in his eyes, too. At first Lev thought it
was his imagination, but now in the pale light of the autumn day it's clear
that CyFi isn't himself. He's lagging behind Lev instead of leading. His stride
is all off—more
like a shuffle than a strut. It makes Lev anxious in a way he hasn't been since
before he met CyFi.
"Are you ever going to tell me where we're
going?" Lev asks, figuring that maybe they're close, and maybe that's why
Cy's acting weird.
CyFi hesitates, weighing the wisdom of saying
anything. Finally he says, "We're going to Joplin. That's in southwest
Missouri, so we've still got a long way to go."
In the back of his mind, Lev registers that CyFi has
completely dropped his Old Umber way of talking. Now he sounds like any other
kid Lev might have known back home. But there's also something dark and throaty
about his voice now, too. Vaguely menacing, like the voice of a werewolf before
it turns.
"What's in Joplin?" Lev asks.
"Nothing for you to worry about."
But Lev is beginning to worry—because
when CyFi gets where he's going, Lev will be alone again. This journey was
easier when he didn't know the destination.
As they walk, Lev can tell Cy's mind is somewhere
else. Maybe it's in Joplin. What could be there? Maybe a girlfriend moved
there? Maybe he had tracked down his birth mother. Lev has worked up a dozen
reasons for CyFi to be on this trip, and there's probably a dozen more he
hasn't even thought of.
There's a main street in Scottsburg trying to be
quaint but just looking tired. It's late morning as they move through town.
Restaurants are gearing up for the lunch crowd.
"So, are you gonna use your charms to get us a
free meal, or is it my turn to try?" Lev asks. He turns to Cy, but he's
not there. A quick scan of the shops behind him and Lev sees a door swinging
closed. It's a Christmas store, its windows all done up in green and red
decorations, plastic reindeer, and cotton snow. Lev can't imagine Cy has gone
in there, but when he peers in the window, there he is, looking around like a
customer. With the weird way CyFi has been acting, Lev has no choice but to go
in as well.
It's warm in the store, and it smells of artificial
pine. It's the kind of scent they put on cardboard air fresheners. There are
fully trimmed aluminum Christmas trees all around, displaying all sorts of
holiday decorations, each tree with a different theme. In another time and
place, Lev would have loved wandering through a store like this.
A saleswoman eyes them suspiciously from behind the counter.
Lev grabs Cy's shoulder. "C'mon, let's get out of here." But Cy
shakes him off and goes over to a tree that's decorated all in glittering
gold. He seems mesmerized by all the bulbs and tinsel. There's the slightest
twitch right beneath his left eye.
"Cy," whispers Lev. "C'mon—we have to
get to Joplin. Remember? Joplin."
But Cy's not moving. The saleswoman comes over. She
wears a holiday sweater and a holiday smile. "Can I help you find
something?"
"No," says Lev. "We were just
leaving."
"A nutcracker," says Cy. "I'm looking
for a nutcracker for my mom."
"Oh, they're on the back wall." The woman
turns to look across the store, and the moment she does, Cy picks a dangling
gold bauble from the glittering tree and slips it into his coat pocket.
Lev just stands there, stunned.
Cy doesn't even spare Lev a glance as he follows the
woman to the back wall, where they discuss nutcrackers.
There's a panic brewing deep down in Lev now, slowly fighting
its way to the surface. Cy and the woman chat for a few moments more, then Cy
thanks her and comes back to the front of the store. "I've gotta get more
money from home," he says in his Cy/not-Cy voice. "I think my mom
will like the blue one."
You don't have a mom, Lev wants to say, but he doesn't because all that
matters now is getting out of the shop.
"All right then," says the saleswoman.
"You have a nice day!"
Cy leaves, and Lev makes sure he's right behind him,
just in case Cy suddenly has a phantom urge to go back into the store and take
something else.
Then, the moment the door closes behind them, CyFi
takes off. He doesn't just run, he ejects, like he's trying to burst out of his
own skin. He bolts down the block, then into the street. Then back again. Cars
honk, a truck nearly mows him down. He darts in random directions like a
balloon losing air, and then he disappears into an alley far down the street.
This is not about a gold Christmas bulb. It can't be.
It's a meltdown. It's a seizure, the nature of which Lev can't even begin to
guess. I should just let him go, Lev thinks. Let him go, then run in
the opposite direction, and not look back. Lev could survive on his own
now. He's gotten street-smart enough. He could do it without CyFi.
But there was that look about Cy before he ran.
Desperation. It was just like the look in Connor's face the moment he pulled
Lev out of his father's comfortable sedan. Lev had turned on Connor. He will
not turn on CyFi.
With a pace and stride far steadier than CyFi's, Lev crosses the street and makes his way down the alley.
"CyFi," he calls, loud enough to be heard
but not loud enough to draw attention. "Cy!" He glances in Dumpsters
and doorways. "Cyrus, where are you?" He comes to the end of the alley
and looks left and right. No sign of him. Then, as he's about to lose hope, he
hears, "Fry?"
He turns his head and listens again.
"Fry. Over here."
This time he can tell where it's coming from: a
playground to his right. Green plastic and steel poles painted blue. There are
no children playing—the only sign of life is the tip of CyFi's
shoe poking out from behind the slide. Lev crosses through a hedge, steps down
into the sand that surrounds the playground, and circles the apparatus until
CyFi comes into view.
Lev almost wants to back away from what he sees.
Cy is curled, knees to chest, like a baby. The left
side of his face is twitching, and his left hand quivers like gelatin. He grimaces
as if he's in pain.
"What is it? What's wrong? Tell me. Maybe I can
help you."
"Nothing," CyFi hisses. "I'll be all
right."
But to Lev he looks like he's dying.
In his shaking left hand CyFi holds the ornament he
stole. "I didn't steal this," he says.
"Cy . . ."
"I SAID, I DIDN'T STEAL THIS!" He smashes
the heel of his right hand against the side of his head. "IT WASN'T
ME!"
"Okay—whatever you say." Lev looks
around to make sure they're unobserved.
Cy quiets down a bit. "Cyrus Finch doesn't steal.
Never did, never will. It's not my style." He says it, even as he looks at
the evidence right there in his hand. But in a second the evidence is gone.
CyFi raises his right fist and smashes it into his left palm, shattering the
bulb. Gold glass tinkles to the ground. Blood begins to ooze from his left palm
and right knuckles.
"Cy, your hand . . ."
"Don't worry about that," he says. "I
want you to do some-thing for me, Fry. Do it before I change my mind."
Lev nods.
"See my coat over there? I want you to look in
the pockets."
CyFi's heavy coat is a few yards away tossed over the seat
of a swing. Lev goes to the swing set and picks up the coat. He reaches into an
inside pocket and finds, of all things, a gold cigarette lighter. He pulls it
out.
"Is that it, Cy? You want a cigarette?" If a
cigarette would bring CyFi out of this, Lev would be the first to light it for
him. There are things far more illegal than cigarettes, anyway.
"Check the other pockets."
Lev searches the other pockets for a pack of
cigarettes, but there are none. Instead he finds a small treasure trove.
Jeweled earrings, watches, a gold necklace, a diamond bracelet— things that
shimmer and shine even in the dim daylight.
"Cy, what did you do . . . ?"
"I already told you, it wasn't me! Now go take
all that stuff and get rid of it. Get rid of it and don't let me see where you
put it." Then he covers his eyes like it's a game of hide-and-seek.
"Go—before
he changes my mind!"
Lev pulls everything out of the pocket and, cradling
it in his arms, runs to the far end of the playground. He digs in the cold sand
and drops it all in, kicking sand back over it. When he's done, he smoothes it
over with the side of his shoe and drops a scattering of leaves above it. He
goes back to CyFi, who's sitting there just like Lev left him, hands over his
face.
"It's done," Lev says. "You can look
now." When Cy takes his hands away, there's blood all over his face from
the cuts on his hands. Cy stares at his hands, then looks at Lev helplessly,
like . . . well, like a kid who just got hurt in a playground. Lev half expects
him to cry.
"You wait here," Lev says. "I'll go get
some bandages." He knows he'll have to steal them. He wonders what Pastor
Dan would say about all the things he's been stealing lately.
"Thank you, Fry," Cy says. "You did
good, and I ain't gonna forget it." The Old Umber lilt is back in his
voice. The twitching has stopped.
"Sure thing," says Lev, with a comforting
smile, and he heads off to find a pharmacy.
What CyFi doesn't know is that Lev has kept a single
diamond bracelet, which he now hides in the inside pocket of his not-so-white
jacket.
* * *
Lev finds them a place to sleep that night. It's the
best they've had yet: a motel room. Finding it wasn't all that hard to do— he scouted
out a run-down motel without many cars out front. Then it was just a matter of
finding an unlocked bathroom window in an unoccupied room. As long as they kept
the curtains drawn and the lights off, no one would know they were there.
"My genius keeps rubbin'
off on you," CyFi tells him. Cy's back to his old self, like the incident
that morning never happened. Only it did happen, and they both know it.
Outside they hear a car door open. Lev and Cy prepare
to bolt if a key turns in the motel room lock, but it's another door they hear
opening, a few rooms away. Cy shakes out his tension, but Lev doesn't relax.
Not yet.
"I want to know about today," Lev says. It's
not a question. It's a request.
Cy is unconcerned. "Ancient history," he
says. "Leave the past in the past, and live for the moment. That's wisdom
you can take to the grave, and dig up when you need it!"
"What if I dig it up right now?" Lev takes a
moment to let it sink in, then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the diamond
bracelet. He holds it in front of him, making sure the streetlight spilling
through a slit in the curtains catches the diamonds so they glisten.
"Where'd you get that?" CyFi's
voice has lost all the playfulness it had only a second ago.
"I kept it," Lev says, calmly. "I
thought it might come in handy."
"I told you to get rid of it."
"It wasn't yours to get rid of. After all, you
said it yourself—you didn't steal it." Lev twists the bracelet
so a diamond refracts a sparkle of light right into CyFi's
eye. Without the room lights on Lev can't see much, but he can swear he sees CyFi's cheek starting to twitch.
Cy stands up, looming over Lev. Lev stands as well, a
full head shorter than CyFi. "You take that outta
my face," says CyFi, "or I swear I'm gonna pound you into pork
rinds."
Lev thinks he might actually do it, too. CyFi clenches
his fists; with the bandages he looks like a boxer, hands wrapped before putting
on the gloves. Still, Lev doesn't back down. He just dangles the bracelet. It
sends little twinkling lights flitting around the room like a lazy disco ball.
"I'll put it away if you tell me why this bracelet and all those other
things wound up in your pockets."
"Put it away first, then I'll tell you."
"Fair enough." Lev slips the bracelet back
into his pocket and waits, but CyFi isn't talking. So Lev gives him a little
prompt. "What's his name?" Lev asks. "Or is it a she?"
CyFi's shoulders slump in defeat. He crumples into a chair.
Lev can't see his face at all now in the darkness, so Lev-listens closely to
his voice. As long as it still sounds like Cy's voice, he knows that Cy's okay.
Lev sits himself on the edge of the bed a few feet away from Cy and listens.
"It's a he," Cy
says. "I don't know his name. He musta kept his name in another part of
his brain. All I got was his right temporal lobe. That's only an eighth of the
cerebral cortex, so I'm seven-eighths me, and one-eighth him."
"I figured that was it." Lev had realized
what was going on with Cy even before he stole the bandages from the pharmacy.
Cy gave him the clue himself. Do it before he changes my mind, Cy had
said. "So ... he was a shoplifter?"
"He had . . . problems. I guess those problems are
why his parents had him unwound in the first place. And now one of his problems
is mine."
"Wow. That sucks."
CyFi laughs bitterly at that. "Yeah, Fry, it
does."
"It's kind of like what happened to my brother
Ray," says Lev. "He went to this government auction thing—ended up
with ten acres on a lake, and it cost next to nothing. Then he finds out that
the land came with a bunker full of toxic chemicals seeping into the ground.
Now he owned it, so now it was his problem. Cost him almost ten times the cost
of the land to clean up the chemicals."
"Sucker,"
says Cy.
"Yeah. But then, those chemicals weren't in his
brain."
Cy looks down for a moment. "He's not a bad kid.
He's just hurting. Hurting real bad." The way Cy's talking, it's like the
kid is still there, right in the room with them. "He's got this urge about
him to grab things—like an addiction, y'know? Shiny
things mostly. It's not like he really wants them, it's just that he kind of
needs to snap 'em up. I figure he's a kleptomaniac.
That means . . . ah, hell, you know what it means."
"So, he
talks to you?"
"No, not really. I didn't get the part of him
that uses words. I get feelings mostly. Sometimes images, but usually just feelings.
Urges. When I get an urge and I don't know where it's coming from, I know it's
from him. Like the time I saw this Irish setter on the
street and I wanted to go over and pet it. I'm not a dog person, see, but all
of a sudden I just had to pet that pooch."
Now that Cy's talking about it, he can't stop. It's
all spilling out like water over a dam. "Petting that dog was one thing,
but the stealing is another. The stealing makes me mad. I mean, here I am, a
law-abiding citizen, never took nothing that didn't belong to me my whole life,
and now I'm stuck with this. There's people out there—like that
lady in the Christmas store—they see an umber kid
like me and they automatically assume I'm up to no good. And now, thanks to
this kid in my head, they're right. And you wanna know what's funny? This kid
was lily-sienna, like you. Blond hair, blue eyes."
Hearing that surprises Lev. Not the description, but
the fact that Cy can describe him at all. "You know what he looked
like?"
CyFi nods. "I can see him sometimes. It's hard,
but sometimes I can. I close my eyes and imagine myself looking into a mirror.
Usually I just see myself reflected, but once in a while I can see him. It's
only for an instant. Kinda like trying to catch a bolt of lightning after
you've already seen the flash. But other people—they don't see him when
he steals. It's me they see. My hands grabbing."
"The people who matter know it's not you. Your
dads . . ."
"They don't even know about this!" Cy says.
"They think they did me a favor stickin' me with
this brain chunk. If I told them about it, they'd feel guilty until the end of
time, so I can't tell them."
Lev doesn't know what to say. He wishes he'd never
brought it up. He wishes he hadn't insisted on knowing. But most of all, he
wishes Cy didn't have to deal with this. He's a good guy. He deserves a better
break.
"And this kid—he doesn't even understand he's a
part of me," Cy says. "It's like those ghosts that don't know they're dead. He keeps trying to be him, and can't understand
why the rest of him ain't there."
All of a sudden Lev realizes something. "He lived
in Joplin, didn't he!"
Cy doesn't answer for a long time. That's how Lev
knows it's true. Finally Cy says, "There are things he's still got locked
up in my brain that I can't get at. All I know is that he's got to get to Joplin,
so I got to get there too. Once we're there, maybe he'll leave me alone."
CyFi shifts his shoulders—not in a
shrug but in an uncomfortable roll, like when you get an itch in your back or
a sudden shiver. "I don't want to talk about him no more. His one-eighth
feels a whole lot bigger when I spend time hanging around in his gray
matter."
Lev wants to put his arm around Cy's shoulder like an
older brother to comfort him, but he just can't bring himself to do it. So
instead he pulls the blanket from the bed and wraps it around Cy as he sits in
the chair.
"What's this all about?"
"Just making sure you two stay warm." And
then he says, "Don't worry about anything. I've got it all under
control." CyFi laughs. 'Tour You can't even take care of yourself and now
you think you're gonna take care of me? If it weren't for me you'd still be chowing down on other folk's garbage back at the
mall."
"That's right—but you helped me. Now it's my turn
to do the same for you. And I'm going to get you to Joplin."
22
Risa
Risa Megan Ward watches everything around her closely
and carefully. She's seen enough at StaHo to know that survival rests
on how observant you are.
For three weeks she, Connor, and a mixed bag of
Unwinds have been shuttled from one safe house to another. It's maddening, for
there seems to be no end in sight to this relentless underground railroad of
refugees.
There are dozens of kids being moved around, but there
are never more than five or six at a time in any given safe house, and Risa
rarely sees the same kids twice. The only reason she and Connor have been able
to stay together is because they pose as a couple. It's practical, and it
serves both their interests. What's that expression? The devil you know is
better than the one you don't?
Finally, they're dumped in a huge, empty warehouse in
a thundering air-traffic zone. Cheap realty for hiding unwanted kids. It's a spartan building with a corrugated steel roof that shakes
so badly when a plane passes overhead, she half expects it to collapse.
There are almost thirty kids here when they arrive,
many of them are kids Risa and Connor had come across over the past few weeks.
This is a holding tank, she realizes, a place where all the kids are warehoused
in preparation for some final journey. There are chains on the doors to keep
anyone unwanted out, and to keep anyone too rebellious in. There are space
heaters that are useless, since all the heat is lost to the high warehouse
roof. There's only one bathroom with a broken lock and, unlike many of the safe
houses, there's no shower, so personal hygiene is put on hold the moment they
arrive. Put all that together with a gang of scared, angry kids, and you've got
a powder keg waiting to explode. Perhaps that's why the people who run the show
all carry guns.
There are four men and three women in charge, all of
them militarized versions of the folks who, like Sonia, run the safe
houses. Everyone calls them "the
Fatigues"—not just because they
have a penchant toward khaki military clothing, but also because they always
seem exhausted. Even so, they have a high-tension determination about them that
Risa admires.
A handful of new kids arrives almost every day. Risa
watches each group of arrivals with interest, and notices that Connor does too.
She knows why.
"You're looking for Lev too, aren't you?"
She finally says to him.
He shrugs. "Maybe I'm just looking for the Akron
AWOL, like everyone else."
That makes Risa chuckle. Even in the safe houses they
had heard the inflated rumors of an AWOL from Akron who escaped from a
Juvey-cop by turning his own tranq pistol against him. "Maybe he's on
his way here!" kids would whisper around the warehouse, like they were
talking about a celebrity. Risa has no idea how the rumor started, since it was
never in the news. She's also a bit annoyed that she's not included in the
rumor. It ought to be a Bonnie-and-CIyde kind of
thing. The rumor mill is definitely sexist.
"So are you ever going to tell them you're the
Akron AWOL?" she quietly asks Connor.
"I don't want that kind of attention. Besides,
they wouldn't believe me anyway. They're all saying the Akron AWOL is this big boeuf superhero. I don't want to disappoint them."
Lev doesn't show up with any of the batches of new
kids. The only thing that arrives with them is an increase of tension.
Forty-three kids by the end of their first week, and there's still one
bathroom, no shower, and no answer as to how long this will last. Restlessness
hangs as heavy as body odor in the air.
The Fatigues do their best to keep them all fed and occupied,
if only to minimize friction. There are a few crates of games, incomplete decks
of cards, and dog-eared books that no library wanted. There are no electronics,
no balls—nothing
that would create or encourage noise.
"If people out there hear you, then you're all
done for," the Fatigues remind them as often as they can. Risa wonders if
the Fatigues have lives separate and apart from saving Unwinds, or if this
endeavor is their life's work.
"Why are you doing this for us?" Risa asked
one of them during their second week.
The Fatigue had been almost rote
in her answer—like
giving a sound bite to a reporter. "Saving you and others like you is an
act of conscience," the woman had said. "Doing it is its own
reward."
The Fatigues all talk like that. Big-Picture-speak,
Risa calls it. Seeing the whole, and none of the parts. It's not just in their
speech but in their eyes as well. When they look at Risa, she can tell they
don't really see her. They seem to see the mob of Unwinds more as a concept
rather than a collection of anxious kids, and so they miss all the subtle
social tremors that shake things just as powerfully as the jets shake the roof.
By the end of the second week, Risa has a pretty good
idea where trouble is brewing. It all revolves around one kid she hoped she'd
never see again, but he had turned up shortly after she and Connor arrived.
Roland.
Of all the kids here, he is by far the most
potentially dangerous. The troubling thing is that Connor hasn't exactly been
the image of emotional stability himself this past week.
He'd been all right in the safe houses. He'd held his
temper—he
hadn't done anything too impulsive or irrational. Here, however, in the midst
of so many kids, he's different. He's irritable and defiant. The slightest
thing can set him off. He'd been in half a dozen fights already. She knows this
must be why his parents chose to have him unwound—a firestorm temper can drive some parents to desperate
measures.
Common sense tells Risa to distance herself from him.
Their alliance has been one of necessity, but there's no reason to ally
herself with him anymore. Yet, day after day, she keeps finding herself drawn
to him . . . and worried about him.
She approaches him shortly after breakfast one day,
determined to open his eyes to a clear and present danger. He's sitting by
himself, etching a portrait into the concrete floor with a rusty nail. Risa
wishes she could say it was good, but Connor's not much of an artist. It disappoints
her, because she desperately wants to find something redeeming about him. If he
were an artist they could relate on a creative level. She could talk to him
about her passion for music, and he would get it. As it is, she doesn't think
he even knows, or cares, that she plays piano.
"Who are you drawing?" she asks.
"Just a girl I knew back home," he says. 3
Risa silently suffocates her jealousy in a quick
emotional vacuum. "Someone you cared about?"
"Sort of."
Risa takes a better look at the sketch. "Her eyes
are too big for her face."
"I guess that's because it's her eyes that I
remember most."
"And her forehead's too low. The way you've drawn
it, she'd have no room for a brain."
"Yeah, well, she wasn't all that bright."
Risa laughs at that, and it makes Connor smile. When
he smiles, it's hard to imagine he's the same guy who got into all those
fights. She gauges whether or not he'd be open to hear what she has to tell
him.
He looks away from her. "Is there something you
want, or are you just an art critic today?"
"I . . . was wondering why you're sitting by
yourself."
"Ah, so you're also my shrink."
"We're supposed to be a couple. If we're going to
keep up the image, you can't be entirely antisocial."
Connor looks out over the groups of kids, busy in
various morning activities. Risa follows his gaze. There's a group of kids who
hate the world, and spend all day spewing venom. There's a mouth-breathing kid
who does nothing but read the same comic book over and over again. Mai is
paired off with a glum spike-haired boy named Vincent, who's all leather and
body piercings. He must be her soul mate, because they make out all day long,
drawing a cluster of other kids who sit there and watch.
"I don't want to be social," Connor says.
"I don't like the kids here."
"Why?" asks Risa, "They're too much
like you?"
"They're losers."
"Yeah, that's what I mean."
He gives her a halfhearted dirty look, then looks down
at his drawing, but she can tell he's not thinking about the girl— his head
is somewhere else. "If I'm off by myself, then I don't get into
fights." He puts down the nail, giving up on his etching. "I don't
know what gets into me. Maybe it's all the voices. Maybe it's all the bodies
moving all around me. It makes me feel like I've got ants crawling inside my
brain and I want to scream. I can stand it just so long, then I blow. It
happened even at home, everyone was talking at once at the dinner table. One
time, we had family over and the talk got me so crazy, I hurled a plate at the
china hutch. Glass blew everywhere. Ruined the meal. My parents asked me what
got into me, and I couldn't tell them."
That Connor is willing to share this with her makes
her feel good. It makes her feel closer to him. Maybe now that he has opened
up, he'll stay open long enough to hear what she has to tell him.
"There's something I want to talk about."
"Yeah?"
Risa sits beside him, keeping her voice low.
"I want you to watch the other kids. Where they
go. Who they talk to."
"All of them?"
"Yeah, but one at a time. After a while you'll
start to notice things."
"Like what?"
"Like the kids who eat first are the ones who
spend the most time with Roland—but he never goes to the front of the line himself. Like
the way his closest friends infiltrate the other cliques and get them arguing
so they break apart. Like the way Roland is especially nice to the kids that
everyone else feels sorry for—but only until nobody feels sorry for them
anymore. Then he uses them."
"Sounds like you're doing a class project on
him."
"I'm being serious. I've seen this before. He's
power hungry, he's ruthless, and he's very, very smart."
Connor laughs at that. "Roland? He couldn't think
himself out of a paper bag."
"No, but he could think everyone else into one,
and then crush it." Clearly that gives Connor pause for thought. Good, thinks
Risa. He needs to think. He needs to strategize.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you're his biggest threat."
"Me?"
"You're a fighter—everyone knows that. And
they also know that you don't take crap from anyone. Have you heard kids
mumbling about how someone oughta do something about Roland?"
"Yeah."
"They only say that when you're close enough to
hear. They're expecting you to do something about him—and Roland
knows it."
He tries to wave her off, but she gets in his face.
"Listen to me, because I know what I'm talking
about. Back at StaHo there were always dangerous kids who bullied their way
into power. They were able to do it because they knew exactly who to take down,
and when. And the kid they took down the hardest was the one with the greatest
potential for taking them down."
She can see Connor curling his right hand into a fist.
She knows she's not getting through to him. He's getting the wrong message.
"If he wants a fight, he'll get one."
"No! You can't take the bait! That's what he
wants! He'll do everything within his power to pull you into a fight. But you
can't do it."
Connor hardens his jaw. "You think I can't take
him in a fight?"
Risa grabs his wrist and holds it tight. "A kid
like Roland doesn't want to fight you. He wants to kill you."
23 Connor
As much as Connor hates to admit it, Risa has been
right about a lot of things. Her clarity of thought has saved them more than
once, and now that he knows to look for it, her take on Roland's secret power
structure is right on target. Roland is a master of structuring life around him
for his own benefit. It's not the overt bullying that does it, either. It's the
subtle manipulation of the situation. The bullying almost acts as cover for what's
really going on. As long as people see him as a dumb, tough guy, they don't
notice the more clever things he does . . . such as endearing himself to one of
the Fatigues by making sure the man sees him giving his food to one of the
younger kids. Like a master chess player, every move Roland makes has purpose,
even if the purpose isn't immediately clear.
Risa wasn't just right about Roland, she was also
right about Lev—or at least the way Connor feels about the kid. Connor
hasn't been able to get Lev out of his mind. For the longest time he had
convinced himself it was merely out of a desire for revenge, as if he couldn't
wait to get even with him. But each time a new group of kids shows up and Lev
isn't among them, a sense of despair worms its way through Connor's gut. It
makes Connor angry that he feels this way, and he suspects this is part of the
anger that fuels the fights he gets into.
The fact is, Lev hadn't just turned them in, he had
turned himself in as well. Which means that Lev is probably gone. Unwound into
nothing—his
bones, his flesh, his mind, shredded and recycled. This is what Connor finds
so hard to accept. Connor had risked his life to save Lev, just as Connor had
done for the baby on the doorstep. Well, the baby had been saved, but Lev had
not, and although he knows he can't be held responsible for Lev's unwinding, he
feels as if it is his fault. So he stands there with secret anticipation
each time there's a group of new arrivals, hoping beyond hope he'll find that
self-righteous, self-important, pain-in-the-ass Lev still alive.
24 Risa
The Fatigues arrive with Christmas dinner an hour
late. It's the same old slop, but the Fatigues wear Santa hats. Impatience
rules the evening. Everyone's so hungry, they crowd noisily around, like it's a
food delivery in a famine, and to make it worse, there are only two Fatigues
there tonight to serve the meal instead of the usual four.
"Single line! Single line!" yell the
Fatigues. "There's enough for everybody. Ho, ho, ho." Rut tonight
it's not a matter of getting enough, it's a matter of getting it now.
Risa's just as hungry as the others, but she also
knows that meals are the best time to have some privacy in the bathroom,
without someone bursting in through the unlocked door or simply pounding
repeatedly to get you out faster. Tonight, with everyone clamoring for their
holiday hash, there's no one at the bathroom at all, so, putting her hunger on
hold, she moves away from the crowd and across the warehouse toward the
bathroom.
Once inside she hangs the makeshift OCCUPIED sign on
the door knob, and pushes the door closed. She takes a moment to examine
herself in the mirror, but she doesn't like the straggly-haired, ragged girl
she's become, so she doesn't look at herself for long. She washes her face and,
since there are no towels, dries it with her sleeve. Then, before she even
turns for the toilet, she hears the door creak open behind her.
She turns and must stifle a gasp. It's Roland who has
entered the bathroom. And now he closes the door gently behind him. Risa
immediately realizes her mistake. She should never have come here alone.
"Get out!" she says. She wishes she could
sound more forceful in the moment, but he's caught her by surprise.
"No need to be so harsh." Roland moves
toward her in a slow, predatory stride. "We're all friends here, right?
And since everyone's eating dinner, we've got some quality time to get to know
each other."
"Stay away from me!" Now she's scanning her
options, but realizes in this tight a space, with only one door, and nothing
she can use as a weapon, her options are limited.
Now he's dangerously close. "Sometimes I like
having dessert before dinner. How about you?"
The second he's in range, she acts quickly to hit him,
to knee him, to inflict any kind of pain that would distract him enough for her
to fly out the door. His reflexes are simply too fast. He grabs her hands,
pushes her back against the cold green tile wall, and presses his hip against
her so that her knee can't reach its mark. And he grins, as if it was all so
easy. His hand is on her cheek now. The shark tattooed on his forearm is inches
away, and seems ready to attack.
"So, whaddaya say we
have some fun and make sure you don't get unwound for nine months?"
Risa has never been a screamer. The way she always saw
it, screaming was a show of weakness. A sign of defeat. Now she has to admit
defeat, for although she has lots of experience warding off creeps, Roland has
even more experience being one.
So she screams. She lets loose a bloodcurdler
at the top of her lungs. But her timing is as bad as it could possibly be,
because just then a jet roars by overhead, shaking the walls and completely
swallowing her scream.
"Ya gotta learn to
enjoy life," Roland says. "Let's call this lesson one."
That's when the door swings open, and over Roland's
massive shoulder Risa sees Connor standing at the threshold, eyes blazing.
She's never been happier to see anyone.
"Connor! Stop him!"
Roland sees him too, catching his reflection in the
bathroom mirror, but he doesn't release Risa.
"Well," says Roland. "Isn't this awkward."
Connor makes no move to tear him away. He just stands
there on the threshold. His eyes still rage, but his hands—they're not even clenched into fists. They just hang there limply by his side. What's wrong with him?
Roland winks at Risa, then he calls over his shoulder
to Connor. "Better get out if you know what's good for you."
Connor steps over the threshold, but he doesn't move
toward them. Instead he goes to the sink. "Mind if I wash up for
dinner?"
Risa waits for him to make a sharp and sudden move,
catching Roland off guard, but he doesn't. He just washes his hands.
"Your girlfriend's had her eye on me since
Sonia's basement," says Roland. "You know that, don't you?"
Connor dries his hands on his pants. "You two can
do whatever you like. Risa and I broke up this morning. Should I turn off the
light when I leave?"
The betrayal is so unexpected, so complete, Risa
doesn't know who to hate more, Roland or Connor. But then Roland eases his grip
on her. "Well, now the mood's ruined, isn't it." He lets her go.
"Hell, I was just kidding, anyway. I wouldn't have done anything." He
backs away and offers that smile of his again. "How's about we wait until
you're ready." Then he struts out just as boldly as he had come in,
bumping Connor's shoulder on the way out as a parting shot.
All of her confusion and frustration unleashes at
Connor, and she pushes him back against the wall, shaking him. "What was
that? You were just going to let him do it? You were just going to stand there
and let it happen?"
Connor pushes her off of him. "Didn't you warn me
not to take the bait?"
"What?"
"He didn't just follow you to the bathroom—he pushed
past me first. He made sure I knew he was following you here. This whole
thing wasn't about you, it was about me—just
like you said. He wanted me to catch him. He wanted to make me crazy, to
get me fighting mad. So I didn't take the bait."
Risa shakes her head—not in disbelief, but
reeling from the truth of it. "But ... but what if . . . what if he . .
."
"But he didn't, did he? And now he won't. Because
if he thinks you and I broke up, you're more useful to him if you're on his
side. He might still be after you, but from now on, I'll bet he'll be killing
you with kindness."
All the emotions rebounding madly through Risa finally
come to rest in an unfamiliar place, and tears burst from her eyes. Connor
steps forward to comfort her, but she pushes him away with the same force she
would have used against Roland.
"Get out!" she yells. "Just get
out!"
Connor throws up his hands, frustrated. "Fine. I
guess I should have just gone to dinner and not come in here at all."
He leaves and she closes the door behind him, in spite
of the line of kids now waiting for the bathroom. She sits down on the floor,
her back against the door so no one can get in as she tries to get her emotions
under control.
Connor had done the right thing. For once, he had seen
the situation more clearly than she—and he had probably ensured that
Roland wouldn't physically threaten her again, at least for a while. And yet
there's a part of her that can't forgive him for just standing there. After
all, heroes are supposed to behave in very specific ways. They're supposed to
fight, even if it means risking their lives.
This is the moment Risa realizes that, even with all
his troubles, she sees Connor as a hero.
25 Connor
Holding his temper in
that bathroom was perhaps the hardest thing Connor had ever had to do. Even
now, as he storms away from Risa, he wants to lay into Roland—but blind
rage is not what the moment needs, and Connor knows it. Risa's right—a brutal,
all-out fight is exactly what Roland wants—and Connor's heard from some of the
other kids that Roland has fashioned himself a knife out of some metal he found
lying around the warehouse. If Connor launches at him with a rage of swinging
fists, Roland will find a way to end it with a single deadly thrust— and he'll
be able to get away with it, claiming it was self-defense.
Whether
Connor can take him in a fight isn't the question. Even against a knife, Connor suspects he might be able
to either turn the blade against him, or take Roland out in some other way
before he has the chance to use it. The question is this: Is Connor willing to
enter a battle that must end with one of them dead? Connor might be a lot of
things, but he's no killer. So he holds his temper and plays it cool.
This is new territory for him. The fighter in him
screams foul, but another side of him, a side that's growing steadily stronger,
enjoys this exercise of silent power—and it is power, because
Roland now behaves exactly the way he and Risa want him to. Connor sees Roland
offer his dessert to Risa that night as an apology. She doesn't accept it, of
course, but it doesn't change the fact that he offered it. It's as if Roland
thinks his attack on her could be wiped away by feigning remorse—not because he's actually sorry for what he did, but
because it serves Roland's needs to treat her well now. He has no idea that
Risa and Connor have him on an invisible leash. Connor knows it will only be a
matter of time, however, until he chews his way through it.
Part Four
Destinations
The following is a response from eBay with regard to a
seller's attempt to auction his soul online in 2001.
Thank you for taking the time to write eBay with your concerns. I'm
happy to help you further.
If the soul does not exist, eBay could not allow the auctioning of the
soul because there would be nothing to sell. However, if the soul does exist,
then in accordance with eBay's policy on human parts and remains we would not
allow the auctioning of human souls. The soul would be considered human
remains; and although it is not specifically stated on the policy page, human
souls are still not allowed to he listed on eBay. Your auction was removed
appropriately and will not be reinstated. Please do not relist this item with
us in the future.
You may review our policy at the following link:
http:llpages.ebay.comfhelplpolicieslremains.html.
It is my pleasure to assist you. Thank you for choosing eBay.
26 Pawnbroker
The man inherited the pawnshop from his brother, who
had died of a heart attack. He wouldn't have kept the place, but he inherited
it while he was unemployed. He figured he could keep it and run it until he
could find a better job. That was twenty years ago. Now he knows it's a life
sentence.
A boy comes into his shop one evening before closing.
Not his usual type of customer. Most folks come into a pawnshop down on their
luck, ready to trade in everything they own, from TVs to family heirlooms, in
exchange for a little quick cash. Some do it for drugs. Others have more
legitimate reasons. Either way, the pawnbroker's success is based on the
misery of others. It doesn't bother him anymore. He's grown used to it.
This boy is different, though. Sure, there are kids
who come in, hoping to get a deal on items that were never claimed, but there's
something about this kid that's markedly off. He looks more clean-cut than the
kids that usually turn up in his store. And the way he moves, even the way he
holds himself, is refined and graceful, deliberate and delicate, like he's
lived his life as a prince and is now pretending to be the pauper. He wears a
puffy white coat, but it's a bit dirty. Maybe he's the pauper after all.
The TV on the counter plays a football game, but the
pawnbroker isn't watching the game anymore. His eyes are on it, but his mind is
keeping track of the kid as he meanders through the shop, looking at things,
like he might want to buy something.
After a few minutes, the kid approaches the counter.
"What can I do for you?" the pawnbroker
asks, genuinely curious.
"This is a pawnshop isn't it?"
"Doesn't it says so on the door?"
"So that means you trade things for money,
right?"
The pawnbroker sighs. The kid's just ordinary after
all, just a little more naive than the other kids who show up here trying to
hock their baseball card collections or whatever. Usually they want money for
cigarettes or alcohol or something else they don't want their parents to know
about. This kid doesn't look like the type for that, though.
"We loan money, and take objects of value
as collateral," he tells the kid. "And we don't do business with
minors. You wanna buy something, fine, but you can't pawn anything here, so
take your baseball cards somewhere else."
"Who said I have baseball cards?"
Then the kid reaches into his pocket and pulls out a
bracelet, all diamonds and gold.
The pawnbroker's eyes all but pop out of his skull as
the kid dangles it from his fingers. Then the pawnbroker laughs. "Whad'ya do, steal that from your mommy, kid?"
The kid's expression stays diamond hard. "How much
will you give me for it?"
"How about a nice boot out the door?"
Still, the kid shows no sign of fear or
disappointment. He just lays the bracelet on the worn
wooden counter with that same princely grace.
"Why don't you just put that thing away and go home?"
"I'm an Unwind."
"What?"
"You heard me."
This throws the pawnbroker for a loop for a whole lot
of reasons. First of all, runaway Unwinds who show up at his shop never admit
it. Secondly, they always appear desperate and angry, and the stuff they have to
sell is shoddy at best. They're never this calm, and they never look this . . .
angelic.
"You're an Unwind?"
The boy nods. "The bracelet is stolen, but not
from anywhere around here."
Unwinds also never admit that their items are stolen.
Those other kids always come up with the most elaborate stories as to who they
are, and why they're selling. The pawnbroker will usually listen to their
stories for their entertainment value. If it's a good story, he'll just throw
the kid out. If it's a lousy story, he'll call the police and have them picked
up. This kid, however, doesn't have a story; he comes only with the truth. The
pawnbroker doesn't quite know how to deal with the truth.
"So," says the kid. "Are you
interested?"
The pawnbroker just shrugs. "Who you are is your
business, and like I said, I don't deal with minors."
"Maybe you'll make an exception."
The pawnbroker considers the kid, considers the
bracelet, then looks at the door to make sure no one else is coming in. "I'm
listening."
"Here's what I want. Five hundred dollars, cash.
Now. The I leave like we never met, and you can keep the bracelet."
The pawnbroker puts on his well-practiced poker face.
"Are you kidding me? This piece of junk? Gold plate, zircons instead of
diamonds, poor workmanship—I'll give you a hundred bucks, not a penny more."
The kid never breaks eye contact. 'You're lying."
Of course the pawnbroker is lying, but he resents the
accusation. "How about if I turn you in to the Juvey-cops right now?
The kid reaches down and takes the bracelet from the
table. "You could," he says. "But then you won't get this—the police
will."
The pawnbroker strokes his beard. Maybe this kid isn't
as naive as he looks.
"If it were a piece of junk," the kid says,
"you wouldn't have offered me a hundred. I'll bet you wouldn't have
offered me anything." He looks at the bracelet dangling from his fingers.
"I really don't know what something like this is worth, but I'll bet it's
worth thousands. All I'm asking is five hundred, which means, whatever it's
worth, you're getting a great deal."
The pawnbroker's poker face is gone. He can't stop
staring at the bracelet—it's all he can do not to drool over it. He knows what it's
really worth, or at least he can guess. He knows where he can fence it himself
for five times what the kid is asking. That would be a nice bit of change.
Enough to take his wife on that long vacation she's always wanted.
"Two
hundred fifty. That's my final offer."
"Five
hundred. You have three seconds, and then I leave. One . . . two . . ."
"Deal." The pawnbroker sighs as if he's been
beaten. "You drive a hard bargain, kid." That's the way these things
are played. Make the kid think that he won, when all the while he's the one
who's truly being robbed! The pawnbroker reaches for the bracelet, but the kid
holds it out of reach.
"First the
money.
"The safe's in the back room—I'll be
back in a second."
"I'll
come with you."
The pawnbroker doesn't argue. It's understandable that
the kid doesn't trust him. If he trusted people, he'd have been unwound by now.
In the back room, the pawnbroker positions himself with the kid behind him, so
the kid can't see the combination of the safe. He pulls open the door, and the
second he does, he feels something hard and heavy connecting with his head. His
thoughts are instantly scrambled. He loses consciousness before he hits the
ground.
The pawnbroker comes to sometime later, with a
headache and a faint memory that something had gone wrong. It takes a few
seconds for him to pull himself together and realize exactly what happened.
That little monster conned him! He got him to open the safe, and the moment he
did, he knocked him out and cleaned out the safe.
Sure enough, the safe is open wide—but it's
not entirely empty. Inside is the bracelet, its gold and diamonds looking even
brighter against the ugly gray steel of the empty safe. How much money had been
in the safe? Fifteen hundred, tops. This bracelet is worth at least three times
that. Still a deal—and the kid knew it.
The pawnbroker rubs the painful knot on his head,
furious at the kid for what he did and yet admiring him for the strangely
honorable nature of the crime. If he himself had been this clever, this
honorable, and had found this kind of nerve when he was a kid, perhaps he'd be more
than just a pawnbroker.
27 Connor
The morning after the bathroom incident, they are
rousted awake by the Fatigues before dawn. "Everybody up! Now! Move it!
Move it!" They're loud, they're on edge, and the first thing Connor
notices is that the safeties on their weapons are oft. Still bleary from sleep, he rises and looks for Risa. He sees her
already being herded by two Fatigues toward a huge double door that has always
been padlocked. Now the padlock is off.
"Leave your things! Go! Move it! Move it!"
To his right, a cranky kid pushes a Fatigue for
tearing away his blanket. The Fatigue hits him on the shoulder with the butt of
his rifle—not
enough to seriously wound him, but enough to make it clear to the kid, and
everyone else, that they mean business. The kid goes down on his knees,
gripping his shoulder and cursing, and the Fatigue goes about the business of
herding the others. Even in his pain, the kid looks ready for a fight. As
Connor passes him, Connor grabs him by the arm and helps him up.
"Take it easy," Connor says. "Don't
make it worse."
The kid pulls out of Connor's grip. "Get off me!
I don't need your stinkin' help." The kid storms
away. Connor shakes his head. Was he ever that belligerent?
Up ahead, the huge double doors are slid open to
reveal another room of the warehouse that the Unwinds have never seen. This one
is filled with crates—old airline packing crates, designed, both in shape and
durability, to transport goods by air freight. Connor immediately realizes what
they're for—and why he and the others have been warehoused so close to an
airport. Wherever they're going, they're going as air cargo.
"Girls
to the left, boys to the right. Move it! Move it!"
There's
grumbling, but no direct defiance. Connor wonders how many kids get what's
going on.
"Four to a crate! Boys with boys, girls with
girls. Move it! Move it!"
Now everyone begins to scramble around, trying to team
up with their preferred travel companions, but the Fatigues have neither
patience nor time for it. They randomly create groups of four and push them
toward the crates.
That's when Connor notices how dangerously close he is
to Roland—and
it's no accident. Roland moved close to him on
purpose. Connor can just imagine it. Pitch black and close quarters. If he's in
a crate with Roland, then he'll be dead before takeoff.
Connor tries to move away, but a Fatigue grabs Roland,
Connor, and two of Roland's known collaborators. "You four. That crate
over there!"
Connor tries not to let his panic show; he doesn't
want Roland to see. He should have prepared his own weapon, like the one Roland
certainly has concealed on him now. He should have prepared for the
inevitability of a life-or-death confrontation, but he hadn't, and now his options
are limited.
No time for thinking this through, so he lets impulse
take over and gives in to his fighting instincts. He turns to one of Roland's
henchmen and punches him in the face hard enough to draw blood, maybe even
break his nose. The force of the punch spins the kid around, but before he can
come back for a counterassault, a Fatigue grabs Connor and smashes him back
against the concrete wall. The Fatigue doesn't know it, but this is exactly what
Connor wanted.
"You picked the wrong day to do that, kid!"
says the Fatigue, holding him against the wall with his rifle.
"What are you gonna do, kill me? I thought you
were trying to save us."
That gives the Fatigue a moment's pause.
"Hey!" yells another Fatigue. "Forget
him! We gotta load them up." Then he grabs another kid to complete the
foursome with Roland and his henchmen, sending them toward a crate. They don't
even care about the one kid's bleeding nose.
The Fatigue holding Connor against the wall sneers at
him. "The sooner you're in a box, the sooner you're somebody else's
problem."
"Nice socks," says Connor.
They put Connor in a four-by-eight crate that already
has three kids waiting to complete their quartet. The crate is scaled even
before he can see who's inside with him, but as long as it's not Roland, it
will do.
"We're all gonna die in here," says a nasal
voice, followed by a wet sniff that doesn't sound like it clears much of anything.
Connor knows this kid by his mucous. He's not sure of his name—everyone
just calls him "the Mouth Breather," since his nose is perpetually
stuffed. Emby, for short. He's the one always obsessively reading his comic
book, but he can't quite do that in here.
"Don't talk like that," says Connor.
"If the Fatigues wanted to kill us, they would have done it a long time
ago."
The Mouth Breather has foul breath that's filling up
the whole crate. "Maybe they got found out. Maybe the Juvey-cops are on
their way, and the only way to save themselves is to destroy the
evidence!"
Connor has little patience for whiners. It reminds him
too much of his younger brother. The one his parents chose to keep. "Shut
up, Emby, or I swear I'm going to take off my sock, shove it in your stinky
mouth, and you'll finally have to figure out a way to breathe through your
nose!"
"Let me know if you need an extra sock,"
says a voice just across from him. "Hi, Connor. It's Hayden."
"Hey, Hayden." Connor reaches out and finds
Hayden's shoe, squeezing it—the closest thing to a greeting in the claustrophobic
darkness. "So, who's lucky number four?" No answer. "Sounds like
we must be traveling with a mime." Another long pause, then Connor hears a
deep, accented voice.
"Diego."
"Diego doesn't talk much," says Hayden.
"I figured."
They wait in silence, punctuated by the Mouth
Breather's snorts.
"I gotta go to the bathroom," Emby mumbles.
"You should have thought of that before you
left," says Hayden, putting on his best mother voice. "How many times
do we have to tell you? Always use the potty before climbing into a shipping
crate."
There's some sort of mechanical activity outside, then
they feel the crate moving.
"I don't like this," whines Emby.
"We're being moved," says Hayden.
"By forklift, probably," says Connor. The
Fatigues are probably long gone by now. What was it that one Fatigue had said?
Once you're in a box, you're somebody else's problem. Whoever's been
hired to ship them probably has no clue what's in the crates. Soon they'll be
on board some aircraft, headed to an undisclosed destination. The thought of it
makes him think about the rest of his family and their trip to the Bahamas—the one
they'd planned to take once Connor was unwound. He wonders if they went—would
they still take their vacation, even after Connor had kicked-AWOL? Sure they
would. They were planning to take it once he got unwound, so why would his
escape stop them? Hey, wouldn't it be funny if they were being shipped to the
Bahamas too?
"We're gonna suffocate! I know it!"
announces the Mouth Breather.
"Will you shut up?" says Connor. "I'm
sure there's more than enough air in here for us."
"How do you know? I can barely breathe
already—and
I got asthma, too. I could have an asthma
attack in here and die!"
"Good," says Connor. "One less person
breathing the air."
That shuts Emby up, but Connor feels bad having said
it. "No one's going to die," he says. "Just relax."
And then Hayden says, "At least dying's better than being unwound. Or is it? Let's take a
poll—would
you rather die, or be unwound?"
"Don't ask things like that!" snaps Connor.
"I don't want to think about either." Somewhere outside of their
little crated universe, Connor hears a metal hatch closing and can feel the
vibration in his feet as they begin to taxi. Connor waits. Engines power up—he can feel
the vibration in his feet. He's pushed back against the wall as they
accelerate. Hayden tumbles into him, and he shifts over, giving Hayden room to
get comfortable again.
"What's happening? What's happening?" cries
Emby.
"Nothing. We're just taking off."
"What! We're on a plane?"
Connor rolls his eyes, but the gesture is lost in the
darkness.
* * *
The box is like a coffin. The box is like a womb.
Normal measures of time don't seem to apply, and the unpredictable turbulence
of flight fills the dark space with an ever-present tension.
Once they're airborne, the four kids don't speak for a
very long time. Half an hour, an hour maybe—it's hard to tell. Everyone's mind
is trapped in the holding pattern of their own uneasy thoughts. The plane hits
some rough air. Everything around them rattles. Connor wonders if there are
kids in crates above them, below them, and on every side. He can't hear their
voices if they are. From where he sits, it feels like the four of them are the
only ones in the universe. Emby silently relieves himself. Connor knows because
he can smell it—everyone can, but no one says anything. It could just as easily
have been any one of them—and depending on how long this trip is, it still
could be.
Finally, after what feels like forever, the quietest
of them all speaks.
"Unwound," Diego says. "I'd rather be
unwound."
Even though it's been a long time since Hayden posed
the question, Connor knows immediately what it refers to. Would you rather
die or be unwound? It's like the question has hung in the cramped darkness
all this time, waiting to be answered.
"Not me," says Emby. "Because if you
die, at least you go to Heaven."
Heaven? thinks
Connor. More likely they'd go to the other place. Because if their own parents
didn't care enough about them to keep them, who would want them in Heaven?
"What makes you think Unwinds don't go?"
Diego asks Emby.
"Because Unwinds aren't really dead. They're
still alive . . . sort of. I mean, they have to use every single part of us
somewhere, right? That's the law."
Then Hayden asks the question. Not a question, the
question. Asking it is the great taboo among those marked for unwinding. It's what everyone thinks about, but no one
ever dares to ask out loud.
"So, then," says Hayden, "if every part
of you is alive but inside someone else . . . are you alive or are you
dead?"
This, Connor knows, is Hayden bringing his hand back
and forth across the flame again. Close enough to feel it, but not close enough
to burn. But it's not just his own hand now, it's everyone's, and it ticks
Connor off.
"Talking wastes our oxygen," Connor says.
"Let's just agree that unwinding sucks and leave it at that."
It shuts everyone up, but only for a minute. It's Emby
who talks next.
"I don't think unwinding is bad," he says.
"I just don't want it to happen to me."
Connor wants to ignore him but can't. If there's one
thing that Connor can't abide, it's an Unwind who defends unwinding. "So
it's all right if it happens to us but not if it happens to you?
"I didn't say that."
"Yes, you did."
"Ooh," says Hayden. "This is getting good."
"They say it's painless," says Emby—as if that
were any consolation.
"Yeah?" says Connor. "Well, why don't
you go ask all the pieces of Humphrey Dunfee how painless it was?"
The name settles like a frost around them. The jolts
and rattles of turbulence grow sharper.
"So . . . you heard that story too?" says
Diego. "Just because there are stories like that, doesn't mean unwinding
is all bad," says Emby. "It helps people."
"You sound like a tithe," says Diego.
Connor finds himself personally insulted by that.
"No, he doesn't. I know a tithe. His ideas might have been a little bit
out there, but he wasn't stupid." The thought of Lev brings with it a wave
of despair. Connor doesn't fight it—he just lets it wash through him,
then drain away. He doesn't know a tithe; he knew one. One who
has certainly met his destiny by now.
"Are you calling me stupid?" says Emby.
"I think I just did."
Hayden laughs. "Hey, the Mouth Breather is right— unwinding
does help people. If it wasn't for unwinding, there'd be bald
guys again—and wouldn't that be horrible?"
Diego snickers, but Connor is not the least bit
amused. "Emby, why don't you do us all a favor and use your mouth for breathing
instead of talking until we land, or crash, or whatever."
"You might think I'm stupid, but I got a good
reason for the way I feel," Emby says. "When I was little, I was
diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis. Both my lungs were shutting down. I was
gonna die. So they took out both my dying lungs and gave me a single lung from
an Unwind. The only reason I'm alive is because that kid got unwound."
"So," says Connor, "your life is more
important than his?"
"He was already unwound—it's not
like I did it to him. If I didn't get that lung, someone else would have."
In his anger, Connor's voice begins to rise, even
though Emby's only a couple of feet away at most. "If there wasn't
unwinding, there'd be fewer surgeons, and more doctors. If there wasn't
unwinding, they'd go back to trying to cure diseases instead
of just replacing stuff
with someone else's."
And suddenly the Mouth Breather's voice rings out with
a ferocity that catches Connor by surprise.
"Wait till you're the one who's dying and see how
you feel about it!"
"I'd rather die than get a piece of an
Unwind!" Connor yells back.
The Mouth Breather tries to shout something else, but
instead goes into a coughing fit that lasts for a whole minute. It gets so bad,
it frightens even Connor. It's like he might actually cough up his
transplanted lung.
"You okay?" asks Diego.
"Yeah," says Emby, trying to get it under
control. "Like I said, the lung's got asthma. It was the best we could
afford."
By the time his coughing fit is over, it seems there's
nothing more to say. Except this:
"If your parents went to all that trouble,"
asks Hayden, "why were they having you unwound?"
Hayden and his questions. This one shuts Emby down for
a few moments. It's clearly a tough topic for him—maybe even tougher than it is for most Unwinds.
"My parents didn't sign the order,'' Emby
finally says. "My dad died when I was little, and my mom died two months
ago. That's when my aunt took me in. The thing is, my mom left me some money,
but my aunt's got three kids of her own to put through college, so . . ."
He doesn't have to finish. The others can connect the
dots.
"Man, that stinks," says Diego.
"Yeah," says Connor, his anger at Emby now
transferred to Emby's aunt.
"It's always about money," Hayden says.
"When my parents were splitting up, they fought over money, until there
was none left. Then they fought over me. So I got out before there was none of me left, either."
Silence falls again. There's nothing to hear but the
drone of the engine, and the rattle of the crates. The air is humid and it's a
struggle to breathe. Connor wonders if maybe the Fatigues miscalculated about
how much air they had. We're all gonna die in here. That's what Emby
said. Connor bangs his head back sharply against the wall, hoping to jar loose
the bad thoughts clinging to his brain. This is not a good place to be alone
with your thoughts. Perhaps that's why Hayden feels compelled to talk.
"No one ever answered my question," Hayden
says. "Looks like no one has the guts."
"Which one?" asks Connor. "You've got
questions coming out of you like farts on Thanksgiving."
"I was asking if unwinding kills you, or if it
leaves you alive somehow. C'mon—it's not like we haven't thought about it."
Emby says nothing. He's clearly been weakened by coughing
and conversation. Connor's not interested in volunteering either.
"It depends," says Diego. "Depends on
where your soul is once you're unwound."
Normally Connor would walk away from a conversation
like this. His life is about tangibles: things you can see, hear, and touch.
God, souls, and all that has always been like a secret in a black box he couldn't
see into, so it was easier to just leave it alone. Only now, he's inside the
black box.
"What do you think, Connor?" asks Hayden.
"What happens to your soul when you get unwound?"
"Who says I even got one?"
"For the sake of argument, let's say you do."
"Who says I want an argument?"
"Ijolé! Just give him an answer, man, or he won't leave you alone."
Connor squirms, but can't squirm his way out of the
box. "How should I know what happens to it? Maybe it gets all broken up
like the rest of us into a bunch of little pieces."
"But a soul isn't like that," says Diego.
"It's indivisible."
"If it's indivisible," says Hayden,
"maybe an Unwinds spirit stretches out, kind of like a giant balloon
between all those parts of us in other places. Very poetic."
Hayden might find poetry in it, but to Connor the
thought is terrifying. He tries to imagine himself stretched so thin and so
wide that he can reach around the world. He imagines his spirit like a web
strung between the thousand recipients of his hands, his eyes, the fragments of
his brain—none
of it under his control anymore, all absorbed by the bodies and wills of
others. Could consciousness exist like that? He thinks about the trucker who
performed a card trick for him with an Unwinds hand. Did the boy who once owned
that hand still feel the satisfaction of performing the trick? Was his spirit
still inexplicably whole, even though his flesh had been shuffled like that
deck-of cards, or was he shredded beyond all hope of awareness—beyond Heaven, Hell, or anything
eternal? Whether or not souls exist Connor doesn't know. But consciousness dues
exist—that's something he knows for sure. If every part of an Unwind is
still alive, then that consciousness has to go somewhere, doesn't it? He
silently curses Hayden for making him think about it . . . but Hayden isn't
done yet.
"Here's
a little brain clot for you," says Hayden. "I knew this girl back
home. There was something about her that made you want to listen to the things
she had to say. I don't know whether she was really well-centered, or just
psychotic. She believed that if someone actually gets unwound, then they never
had a soul to begin with. She said God must know who's going to be unwound, and
he doesn't give them souls."
Diego grunts his disapproval. "I don't like the sound of that."
"This girl had it all worked out in her
head," continued Hayden. "She believed Unwinds are like the
unborn."
"Wait a second," says Emby, finally breaking
his silence. "The unborn have souls. They have souls from the moment they
get made—the
law says."
Connor doesn't want to get into it again with Emby,
but he can't help himself. "Just because the law says it, that doesn't
make it true."
"Yeah, well, just because the law says it, that
doesn't make it false, either. It's only the law because a whole lot of people
thought about it, and decided it made sense."
"Hmm," says Diego. "The Mouth Breather
has a point."
Maybe so, but the way Connor sees it, a point ought to
be sharper than that. "How can you pass laws about things that nobody
knows?"
"They do it all the time," says Hayden.
"That's what law is: educated guesses at right and wrong."
"And what the law says is fine with me,"
says Emby.
"But if it weren't for the law, would you still
believe it?" asks Hayden. "Share with us a a
personal opinion, Emby. Prove there's more than snot in that cranium of
yours."
"You're wasting your time," says Connor.
"There's not."
"Give our congested friend a chance," says
Hayden.
They wait. The sound of the engine changes. Connor can
feel them begin a slow descent, and wonders if the others can feel it too. Then
Emby says, "Unborn babies . . . they suck their thumbs sometimes, right?
And they kick. Maybe before that they're just like a bunch of cells or
something, but once they kick and suck their thumbs—that's when
they've got a soul."
"Good for you!" says Hayden. "An
opinion! I knew you could do it."
Connor's head begins to spin. Was it the plane's
banking, or a lack of oxygen?
"Connor, fair is fair—Emby found
an opinion somewhere in his questionable gray matter. Now you have to give
yours."
Connor sighs, not having the strength to fight
anymore. He thinks about the baby he and Risa so briefly shared. "If
there's such a thing as a soul—and I'm not saying that there is—then it comes when a
baby's born into the world. Before that, it's just part of the mother."
"No, it's not!" says Emby.
"Hey—he wanted my opinion, I gave
it."
"But it's wrong!"
"You see, Hayden? You see what you started?"
"Yes!" Hayden says excitedly. "It looks
like we're about to have our own little Heartland War. Pity it's too dark for
us to watch it."
"If you want my opinion, you're both wrong,"
says Diego. "The way I see it, it's got nothing to do with all of that. It
has to do with love."
"Uh-oh," says Hayden. "Diego's getting
romantic. I'm moving to the other end or the crate."
"No, I'm serious. A person don't got a soul until
that person is loved. If a mother loves her baby—wants her baby—it's
got a soul from the moment she knows it's there. The moment you're loved,
that's when you got your soul. Punto!"
"Yeah?" says Connor. "Well, what about
all those babies that get storked—or all
those kids in state schools?"
"They just better hope somebody loves them some
day."
Connor snorts dismissively, but in spite of himself,
he can't dismiss it entirely, any more than he can dismiss the other things
he's heard today. He thinks about his parents. Did they ever love him?
Certainly they did when he was little. And just because they stopped, it didn't
mean his soul was stolen away . . . although sometimes to admit that it felt
like it was. Or at least, part of it died when his parents signed the order.
"Diego, that's really sweet," Hayden says in
his best mocking voice. "Maybe you should write greeting cards."
"Maybe I should write them on your face."
Hayden just laughs.
"You always poke fun at other people's
opinions," says Connor, "so how come you never give your own?"
"Yeah," says Emby.
"You're always playing people for your own
entertainment. Now it's your turn. Entertain us."
"Yeah," says Emby.
"So tell us," says Connor, "in The
World According to Hayden, when do we start to live?"
A long silence from Hayden, and then he says quietly,
uneasily, "I don't know."
Emby razzes him. "That's not an answer."
But Connor reaches out and grabs Emby's arm, to shut him
up—because
Emby's wrong. Even though Connor can't see Hayden's face, he can hear the truth
of it in his voice. There was no hint of evasion in Hayden's words. This was
raw-honesty, void of Hayden's usual flip attitude. It was perhaps the first
truly honest thing Connor had ever heard him say. "Yes, it is an
answer," Connor says. "Maybe it's the best answer of all. If more
people could admit they really don't know, maybe there never would have been a
Heartland War."
There's a
mechanical jolt beneath them. Emby gasps.
"Landing gear," says Connor.
"Oh, right."
In a few minutes they'll be there, wherever
"there" is. Connor tries to guess how long they've been in the air.
Ninety minutes? Two hours? There's no telling what direction they've been
flying. They could be touching down anywhere. Or maybe Emby was right. Maybe
it's piloted by remote control and they're just ditching the whole plane in the
ocean to get rid of the evidence. Or what if it's worse than that? What if . .
. what if . . .
"What if it's a harvest camp after all?"
says Emby. Connor doesn't tell him to shut up this time, because he's thinking
the same thing.
It's Diego who answers him. "If it is, then I
want my fingers to go to a sculptor. So he can use them to craft something
that will last forever."
They all think about that. Hayden is the next to
speak.
"If I'm unwound," says Hayden, "I want
my eyes to go to a photographer—one who shoots supermodels. That's what I want these eyes
to see."
"My lips'll go to a
rock star," says Connor.
"These legs are definitely going to the
Olympics."
"My ears to an orchestra conductor."
"My stomach to a food critic."
"My biceps to a body builder."
"I wouldn't wish my sinuses on anybody."
And they're all laughing as the plane touches down.
28 Risa
Risa doesn't know what went on in Connor's crate. She
assumes guys talk about guy things, whatever those things are. She has no way
of knowing that what occurred in his crate was a reenactment of what happened
in her own, and in almost every other container on the plane. Fear, misgivings,
questions rarely asked, and stories rarely told. The details are different, of
course, as are the players, but the gist is the same. No one will discuss these
things again, or even acknowledge having ever discussed them at all, but
because of it, invisible bonds have been forged. Risa has gotten to know an
overweight girl prone to tears, a girl wound up from a week of nicotine withdrawal,
and a girl who was a ward of the state, just like her— and also
just like Risa, an unwitting victim of budget cuts. Her name is Tina. The
others told their names, but Tina's is the only one she remembers.
"We're exactly the same," Tina had said
sometime during the flight. "We could be twins." Even though Tina is
umber, Risa has to admit that it's true. It's comforting to know there are
others in the same situation, but troubling to think her own life is just one
of a thousand pirate copies. Sure, the Unwinds from state homes all have
different faces, but otherwise, their stories are the same. They even all have
the same last name, and she silently curses whoever it was who determined that
they should all be named Ward—as if being one weren't enough of a stigma.
The plane touches down, and they wait.
"What's taking so long?" asks the nicotine
girl, impatiently. "I can't stand this!"
"Maybe they're moving us to a truck, or another
plane," suggests the pudgy girl.
"They'd better not be," says Risa.
"There's not enough air in here for another trip."
There's noise—someone's outside the crate. "Shhh!" says Risa. "Listen." Footsteps.
Banging, She hears voices, although she can't make out what the voices say.
Then someone unlatches a side of the crate and pulls it open a crack. Hot, dry
air spills in. The sliver of light from the plane's hold seems bright as
sunlight after the hours of darkness.
"Is everyone all right in there?" It's not a
Fatigue—Risa
can tell right away. The voice is younger.
"We're okay," Risa says. "Can we get
out of here?"
"Not yet. We gotta open all the other crates
first and get everyone some fresh air." From what Risa can see, this is
just a kid her age, maybe even younger. He wears a beige tank top and khaki
pants. He's sweaty, and his cheeks are tan. No, not just tan: sunburned.
"Where are we?" Tina asks.
"The graveyard," says the kid, and moves on
to the next crate.
* * *
In a few minutes the crate is opened all the way, and
they're free. Risa takes a moment to look at her travel companions. The three
girls look remarkably different from her memory of them when they first got in.
Getting to know someone in blind darkness changes your impression of them. The
large girl isn't as overweight as Risa had thought. Tina isn't as tall. The
nicotine girl isn't nearly as ugly.
A ramp leads down from the hold, and Risa must wait
her turn in a long line of kids leaving their crates. Rumors are already
buzzing. Risa tries to listen, and sort the fact from fiction.
"A buncha kids
died."
"No way."
"I heard half the kids died."
"No way!"
"Look around you, moron! Does it look like half
of us died?"
"Well, I just heard."
"It was just one crateful that died."
"Yeah! Someone says they freaked out and ate each
other—you
know, like the Donner party."
"No, they just suffocated."
"How do you know?"
"Cause I saw them, man. Right in the crate next
to mine. There were five guys in there instead of four, and they all suffocated."
Risa turns to the kid who said that. "Is that
really true, or are you just making it up?"
Risa can tell by the unsettled look on his face that
he's sincere. "I wouldn't joke about something like that."
Risa looks for Connor, but her view is limited to the
few-kids around her in line. She quickly docs the math. There were about sixty
kids. Five kids suffocated. One-in-twelve chance it was Connor. No, because the
boy who saw into the dead crate said there were guys in there. There
were only thirty guys in all. One-in-six chance it was Connor. Had he been one
of the last ones in? Had he been shoved into an overpacked
crate? She didn't know. She had been so flustered when they were rousted that
morning, it was hard enough to keep track of herself, much less anyone else. Please,
God, let it not be Connor. Let it not be Connor. Her last words to him had
been angry ones. Even though he had saved her from Roland, she was furious at
him. "Get out of here!" she had screamed. She couldn't bear the
thought of his dying with those being her last words. She couldn't bear the
thought of his dying, period.
She bangs her head on the low opening of the cargo
hold on her way out.
"Watch your head," says one of the kids in
charge.
"Yeah, thanks," says Risa. He smirks at her.
This kid is also dressed in Army clothes, but he's too scrawny to be a military
boeuf. "What's with the clothes?"
"Army surplus," he says. "Stolen
clothes for stolen souls."
Outside the hold, the light of day is blinding, and
the heat hits Risa like a furnace. The ramp beneath her slopes to the ground,
and she has to stare at her feet, squinting to keep from stumbling. By the time
she reaches the ground, her eyes have adjusted enough to take in their
surroundings. All around them, everywhere, are airplanes, but there's no
sign of an airport—just the planes, row after row, for as far as the eye can
see. Many are from airlines that no longer exist. She turns to look at the jet
they just arrived on. It carries the logo of FedEx, but this craft is a sorry
specimen. It seems about ready for the junkyard. Or, thinks Risa, the
graveyard . . .
"This is nuts," one kid beside Risa grumbles.
"It's not like this plane is invisible. They're going to know exactly
where the plane has gone. We're going to be tracked here!"
"Don't you get it?" says Risa. "That
jet was just decommissioned. That's how they do it. They wait for a
decommissioned plane, then load us in as cargo. The plane was coming here
anyway, so no one's going to miss it."
The jets rest on a barren hardpan of maroon earth.
Distant red mountains poke up from the ground. They are somewhere in the
Southwest.
There's a row of port-o-potties that already have
anxious lines. The kids shepherding them count heads and try to maintain order
in the disoriented group. One of them has a megaphone.
"Please remain under the wing if you're not using
the latrine," he announces. "You made it this far, we don't want you
to die of sunstroke."
Now that everyone's out of the plane, Risa desperately
searches the crowd until she finally finds Connor. Thank God! She wants to go
to him, but remembers that they've officially ended their fake romance. With two
dozen kids between them, they briefly make eye contact, and exchange a secret
nod. That nod says everything. It says that what happened between them
yesterday is history; today, everything starts fresh.
Then she sees Roland there as well. He meets her eye
and gives her a grin. That grin says things too. She looks away, wishing he had
been in the suffocation crate. She considers feeling guilty for such a nasty
wish, then realizes that she doesn't feel guilty for wishing it at all.
A golf cart comes rolling down the rows of airliners,
kicking up a plume of red dust in its wake. The driver is a kid. The passenger
is clearly military. Not military surplus, either—he's the real thing. Instead
of green or khaki, he's in navy blue. He seems accustomed to the heat—even in
his hot uniform, he doesn't appear to sweat. The cart stops before the gathered
hoard of juvenile refugees. The driver steps out first, and joins the four kids
who had been leading them. The loud kid raises his megaphone. "May I have
your attention! The Admiral is about to address you. If you know what's good
for you, you'll listen."
The man steps out of the golf cart. The kid offers him
the megaphone, but he waves it away. His voice needs no amplification.
"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the graveyard."
The Admiral is well into his sixties, and his face is
full of scars. Only now does Risa realize that his uniform is one from the war.
She can't recall whether these were the colors of the pro-life or pro-choice
forces, but then, it doesn't really matter. Both sides lost.
"This will be your home until you turn eighteen
or we procure a permanent sponsor willing to falsify your identification. Make
no mistake about it: What we do here is highly illegal, but that does not mean
we don't follow the rule of law. My law."
He pauses, making eye contact with as many kids as he
can. Perhaps it's his goal to memorize each and every face before his speech is
done. His eyes are sharp, his focus intense. Risa believes he can know each of
them just by a single sustained glance. It's intimidating and reassuring at the
same time. No one will fall between the cracks in the Admiral's world.
"All of you were marked for unwinding yet managed
to escape, and, through the help of my many associates, you have found your way
here. I don't care who you were. I don't care who you'll be when you leave
here. All I care about is who you are while you're here—and while
you're here, you will do what is expected of you."
A hand goes up in the crowd. It's Connor. Risa wishes
it wasn't. The Admiral takes time to study Connor's face before saying,
"Yes?"
"So . . . who are you, exactly?"
"My name is my business. Suffice it to say that I
am a former admiral of the United States Navy." And then he grinned.
"But now you could say I'm a fish out of water. The current political
climate led to my resignation. The law said it was my job to look the other
way, but I did not. I will not." Then he turns to the crowd and says
loudly, "No one gets unwound on my watch."
Cheers from all those assembled, including the khaki
kids that were already a part of his little army. The Admiral gives a wide
grin. His smile shows a set of perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth. It's
a strange disconnect, because, while his teeth are sparkling, the rest of him
seems worn down to the nub.
"We are a community here. You will learn the
rules and you will follow them, or you will face the consequences, as in any
society. This is not a democracy; it is a dictatorship. I am your dictator.
This is a matter of necessity. It is the most effective way to keep you
hidden, healthy, and whole." Then he gives that smile again. "I like
to believe I am a benevolent dictator, but you can make that judgment for
yourselves."
By now, his gaze has traveled over the entire crowd.
All of
them feel as though they have been
scanned like groceries at a checkout counter. Scanned and processed.
"Tonight you will all sleep in the newcomers'
quarters. Tomorrow your skills will be assessed, and you'll be assigned to your
permanent squads. Congratulations. You've arrived!"
He takes a moment to let that last thought sink in,
then he returns to his golf cart and is spirited off, with the same cloud of
red dust billowing behind him.
"Is there still time to get back into the
crate?" some wiseguy says. A bunch of kids
laugh.
"All right, listen up," yells the megaphone
kid. "We're going to walk you to the supply jet, where you'll get clothes,
rations, and everything else you'll need." They are quick to find out that
the megaphone kid has earned the nickname "Amp." As for the Admiral's
driver, he's been stuck with "Jeeves."
"It's a long walk," Amp says. "If
anyone can't make it, let us know. Anyone who needs water now, raise your
hand."
Nearly every hand goes up.
"All right, line up here."
Risa lines up along with the rest of them. There's
buzzing and whispering from the line of kids, but it's nowhere
near as desperate as it had been in the weeks past. Now, it's more like the
buzz of kids in a school lunch line.
As they're led off to be clothed and fed, the jet that
brought them here is towed to its final resting place in the massive junkyard.
Only now does Risa take a deep breath and release it, along with a month's
worth of tension. Only now does she allow herself the wonderful luxury of hope.
29 Lev
More than a thousand miles away, Lev is about to
arrive as well. The destination, however, is not his own: It's Cyrus Finch's.
Joplin, Missouri. "Home of the Joplin High Eagles— reigning
state champions in girls' basketball," CyFi says.
"You know a lot about the place."
"I don't know anything about it," CyFi
grumbles. "He knows. Or knew. Or whatever."
Their journey has gotten no easier. Sure, they have
money now, thanks to Lev's "deal" at that pawnshop, but the money's
only good for buying food. It can't get them train tickets, or even bus
tickets, because there's nothing more suspicious than underage kids paying
their own fare.
For all intents and purposes, things between Lev and
CyFi are the same, with one major, unspoken exception. CyFi might still be
playing the role of leader, but it's Lev who is now in charge. There's a guilty
pleasure in knowing that CyFi would fall apart if Lev weren't there to hold him
together.
With Joplin only twenty miles away, Cy's twitching
gets bad enough that even walking is difficult for him. It's more than just
twitching now—it's
a shuddering that wracks his body like a seizure, leaving him shivering. Lev
offers him his jacket, but Cy just swats
him away. "I ain't cold! It's not about bein' cold! It's about being wrong. It's about there being
oil and water in this brain of mine."
Exactly what Cy must do when he gets to Joplin is a
mystery to Lev—and now he realizes that Cy doesn't know either. Whatever
this kid—or this bit of kid—in his head is compelling him to do, it's
completely beyond Cy's understanding. Lev can only hope that it's something
purposeful, and not something destructive . . . although Lev can't help but
suspect that whatever the kid wants, it's bad. Really bad.
"Why are you still with me, Fry?" CyFi asks
after one of his body-shaking seizures. "Any sane dude woulda
taken off days ago.
"Who says I'm sane?"
"Oh, you're sane, Fry. You're so sane, you scare
me. You're so sane, it's insane."
Lev thinks for a while. He wants to give Cyrus a real
answer, not just something that chases away the question. "I'm
staying," Lev says slowly, "because someone has to witness what
happens in Joplin. Someone's got to understand why you did it. Whatever it
is."
"Yeah," says CyFi. "I need a witness.
That's it."
“You're like a salmon swimming upstream," Lev
offers. "It's inside you to do it. And it's inside me to help you get
there."
"Salmon." Cy looks thoughtful. "I once
saw this poster about a salmon. It was jumping up this waterfall, see? But
there was a bear at the top, and the fish, it was jumping right into the bear's
mouth. The caption beneath— it was supposed to be funny—said, The journey of a
thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly. "
"There's no bear in Joplin," Lev tells him.
He doesn't try to cheer Cy up with any more analogies, because Cy's so smart,
he can find a way to make anything sound bad. One hundred and thirty IQ
points all focused on cooking up doom. Lev can't hope to compete with that.
The days go by, mile by mile, town by town, until the
afternoon they pass a sign that says, NOW ENTERING JOPLIN POPULATION 45,504.
30 Cy-Ty
There is no peace in CyFi's
his head. The Fry doesn't know-how bad it is. The Fry doesn't know how the
feelings crash over him like storm-driven waves pounding a failing seawall. The
wall is going to collapse soon, and when it does, Cy will lose it. He'll lose
everything. His mind will spill out of his ears and down the drains of the
streets of Joplin. He knows it.
Then he sees the sign. NOW ENTERING JOPLIN. His heart is his own, but it pounds
in his chest, threatening to burst—and wouldn't that be a fine thing?
They'd rush him to a hospital, give him someone else's ticker, and he'd have that
kid to deal with too.
This boy in the corner of his head doesn't talk to him
in words. He feels. He emotes. He doesn't understand that he's
only a part of another kid. It's like how in a dream you know some things, and
other things you should know, but you don't. This kid—he knows
where he is, but he doesn't know he's not all here. He doesn't know he's part
of someone else now. He keeps looking for things in Cyrus's head that just
aren't there. Memories. Connections. He keeps looking for words, but Cyrus's
brain codes words differently. And so the kid hurls out anger. Terror. Grief.
Waves pounding the wall, and beneath it all, there's a current tugging Cy
forward. Something must be done here.
Only the kid knows what it is.
"Would it help to have a map?" asks the Fry.
The question gets Cy mad. "Map won't help me," he says. "I need
to see stuff. I need to be places. A map is just a map. It ain't being
there."
They stand at a corner on the outskirts of Joplin.
It's like divining for water. Nothing looks familiar. "He doesn't know this
place," Cy says. "Let's try another street."
Block after block, intersection after intersection,
it's the same. Nothing. Joplin is a small town, but not so small that a person
could know all of it. Then, at last they get to a main street. There are shops
and restaurants up and down the road. It's just like any other town this size,
but—
"Wait!"
"What is it?"
"He knows this street," says Cy.
"There! That ice cream shop. I can taste pumpkin ice cream. I hate pumpkin
ice cream."
"I'll bet he didn't."
Cyrus nods. "It was his favorite. The
loser." He points a finger at the ice cream shop and slowly swings his arm
to the left. "He comes walking from that direction. . . ." He swings
his arm to the right. "And when he's done, he goes that way."
"So, do we track where he comes from, or where he
goes?"
Cy chooses to go left but finds himself at Joplin
High, home of the Eagles. He gets an image of a sword, and instantly knows.
"Fencing. The kid was on the fencing team here."
"Swords are shiny," the Fry notes. Cy would
throw him a dirty look if he weren't right on target. Swords are, indeed,
shiny. He wonders if the kid ever stole swords, and realizes that, yes, he
probably did. Stealing the swords of opposing teams is a time-honored tradition
of fencing.
"This way," says the Fry, taking the lead.
"He must have gone from school, to the ice cream shop, to home. Home is
where we're going, right?"
The answer comes to Cy as an urge deep in his brain
that shoots straight to his gut. Salmon? More like a swordfish Misting on a
line, and that line is pulling him relentlessly toward . . . "Home,"
says Cy. "Right."
It's twilight now. Kids are out in the street; half
the cars have headlights on. As far as anyone knows, they're just two
neighborhood kids, headed wherever neighborhood kids go. No one seems to notice
them. But there's a police car a block away. It was parked, but now it begins
moving.
They pass the ice cream parlor, and as they do, Cyrus
can feel the change inside him. It's in his walk, and in the way he holds himself.
It's in all the tension points of his face: They're changing. His eyebrows
lower, his jaw opens slightly. I'm not myself. That other kid is taking
over. Should Cy let it happen, or should he fight it? But he knows it's
already past the point of fighting. The only way to finish this is to let it
happen.
"Cy," says the kid next to him.
Cy looks at him, and although part of him knows it's
just Lev, another part of him panics. He instantly knows why. He closes his
eyes for a moment and tries to convince the kid in his head that the Fry is a
friend, not a threat. The kid seems to get it, and his panic drops a notch.
Cy reaches a corner and turns left like he's done it a
hundred times. The rest of him shudders as he tries to keep up with his
determined temporal lobe. Now a feeling comes on him. Nervous, annoyed. He
knows he must find a way to translate it into words.
"I'm gonna be late. They're gonna be so mad.
They're always so mad."
"Late for what?"
"Dinner. They gotta eat it right on time, or I
get hell for it. They could eat it without me, but they won't. They don't. They
just stew. And the food goes cold. And it's my fault, my fault, always my
fault. So I gotta sit there and they ask me how was my day? Fine. What did I
learn? Nothing. What did I do wrong this time? Everything." It's not his
voice. It's his vocal chords, but it's not his voice coming out of them. Same
tones, but different inflections. A different accent. Like the way he might
have talked if he came from Joplin, home of the Eagles.
As they turn another corner, Cy catches sight of that
cop car again. It's behind them, following slowly. No mistake about it: It's
following. And that's not all. There's another police car up ahead, but that
one's just waiting in front of a house. His house. My house. Cy is the
salmon after all, and that police car is the bear. But even so, he can't stop.
He's got to get to that house or die trying.
As he nears the front walk, two men get out of a
familiar Toyota parked across the street. It's the dads. They look at him,
relief in their faces, but also pain. So they knew where he was coming. They
must have known all along.
"Cyrus," one of them calls. He wants to run
to them. He wants them to just take him home, but he stops himself. He can't go
home. Not yet. They both stride toward him, getting in his path, but smart
enough not to get in his face.
"I gotta do this," he says in a voice he
knows isn't his at all.
That's when the police leap from their cars and grab
him. They're too strong for him to fight them off, so he looks at the dads.
"I gotta do this," he says again. "Don't be the bear."
They look at each other, not understanding what he
means—but
then, maybe they do, because they step aside and say to the cops, "Let him
go."
"This is Lev," Cyrus says, amazed that the
Fry is willing to risk his own safety to stand by Cy now. "Nobody bothers
him, either." The dads take a brief moment to acknowledge the Fry, but
quickly return their attention to Cyrus.
The cops frisk Cy to make sure he has no weapon, and, satisfied, they let him go on toward the house. But there is a
weapon. It's something sharp and heavy. Right now it's just in a corner of his mind, but in a few moments it won't be.
And now Cy's scared, but he can't stop.
There's a police officer at the front door talking in
hushed tones to a man and a woman standing at the threshold. They
glance nervously at Cy.
The part of Cy that isn't Cy knows this middle-aged
couple so well, he's hit by a lightning bolt of emotions so
violent he feels like he'll incinerate.
As he walks toward the door, the flagstone path seems
to undulate beneath his feet like a fun-house floor. Then finally he's standing
before them. The couple look scared—horrified. Part of him is happy at
that, part of him sad, and part of him wishes he could be anyplace else in the
world, but he no longer knows which part is which.
He opens his mouth to speak, trying to translate the
feelings into words.
"Give it!" he demands, "Give it to me,
Mom. Give it to me, Dad."
The woman covers her mouth and turns away. She presses
out tears like she's a sponge in a fist.
"Tyler?" says the man. "Tyler, is that
you?"
It's the first time Cyrus has a name to go with that
part of him. Tyler. Yes. I'm Cyrus, but I'm also Tyler. I'm Cy-Ty.
"Hurry!" Cy-Ty says. "Give it to me—I need it
now!"
"What? Tyler," says the woman through her
tears, "What do you want from us?"
Cy-Ty tries to say it, but he can't get the word. He
can't even get the image straight. It's a thing. A weapon. Still the image
won't come, but the action does. He's miming something. He leans forward, puts
one arm in front of the other. He's holding something long, angling it down. He
thrusts both arms lower. And now he knows it's not a weapon he seeks, it's a
tool. Because he understands the action he's miming. He's digging.
"Shovel!" he says with a breath of relief.
"I need the shovel."
The man and woman look at each other. The policeman
beside them nods, and the man says, "It's out in the shed."
Cy-Ty makes a beeline through the house and out the
back door with everyone following behind him: the couple, the cops, the dads,
and the Fry. He heads straight for the shed, grabs the shovel—he knew
exactly where it was—and heads toward a corner of the yard, where some twigs
stick out of the ground.
The twigs have been tied to form lopsided crosses.
Cy-Ty knows this corner of the yard. He feels this
place in his gut. This is where he buried his pets. He doesn't know their
names, or even what kind of animals they were, but he suspects one of them was
an Irish setter. He gets images of what happened to each of them. One met up
with a pack of wild dogs. Another with a bus. The third, old age. He takes the
shovel and thrusts it into the ground, but not near any of their graves. He'd
never disturb them. Never. Instead, he presses his shovel into the soft earth
two yards behind the graves.
He grunts with every thrust of the shovel, hurling the
dirt wildly to the side. Then, at just about two feet down, the shovel hits
something with a dull thud. He drops to all fours and begins scooping out the
earth with his hands.
With the dirt cleared away, he reaches in, grabs a
handle, and tugs, tugs, tugs until it comes up. He's holding a briefcase that's
waterlogged and covered with mud. He puts it on the ground, flicks open the
latches, and opens it.
The moment he sees what's inside, Cy-Ty's entire brain
seizes. He's frozen in a total system lockup. He can't move, can't think.
Because it's all so bright, so shiny in the slanted red rays of the sun. There
are so many pretty things to look at, he can't move. But he must move. He must
finish this.
He digs both of his hands into the jewelry-filled
briefcase, feeling the fine gold chains slide over his hands, hearing the
rattle of metal against metal. There are diamonds and rubies, zircons and
plastic. The priceless and the worthless, all mixed in together. He doesn't
remember where or when he stole any of it, he only knows that he did. He stole
it, hoarded it, and hid it. Put it in its own little grave, to dig up when he
needed it. But if he can give it back, then maybe . . .
With hands tangled in gold chains more binding than
the handcuffs on the policemen's belts, he stumbles toward the man and woman.
Bits and pieces, rings and pins fall from the tangled bundle into the brush of
the yard. They slip through his fingers, but still he holds on to what he can
until he's there in front of the man and woman, who now hold each other as if
cowering in the path of a tornado. Then he falls to his knees, drops the bundle
of shiny things at their feet, and, rocking back and forth, makes a desperate
plea.
"Please," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. I didn't mean it."
"Please," he says, "Take it. I don't
need it. 1 don't want it."
"Please," he says. "Do anything. But
don't unwind me."
And all at once Cy realizes that Tyler doesn't know.
The part of that boy which comprehends time and place isn't here, and never
will be. Tyler can't understand that he's already gone, and nothing Cy can do
will ever make him understand. So he goes on wailing.
"Please don't unwind me. I'll do anything. Please
don't unwind me. Pleeeeeeeease ..."
Then, behind him, he hears a voice.
31 Lev
"Tell him what he needs to hear!" Lev says.
He stands there with such wrath in him he feels the earth itself will split
from his anger. He told Cy he'd witness this. But he can't witness it and not
take action.
Tyler's parents still huddle together, comforting each
other instead of comforting Cy. It makes Lev even more furious.
"TELL HIM YOU WON'T UNWIND HIM!" he screams.
The man and woman just look at him like stupid
rabbits. So he grabs the shovel from the ground and swings it back over his shoulder
like a baseball bat. "TELL HIM YOU WONT UNWIND HIM, OR I SWEAR I'LL BASH
YOUR WORTHLESS HEADS IN!" He's never spoken like this to anyone. He's
never threatened anyone. And he knows it's not just a threat— he'll do
it. Today, he'll hit a grand slam if he has to.
The cops reach for their holsters and pull out their
guns, but Lev doesn't care.
"Drop the shovel!" one of them yells. His
gun is trained at Lev's chest, but Lev won't drop it. Let him shoot. If he
does, I'll still get in one good swing at Tyler's parents before I go down. I
might die, but at least I'll take one of them with me. In his whole life,
he's never felt like this before. He's never felt this close to exploding.
"TELL HIM! TELL HIM NOW!"
Everything freezes in the stand-off: the cops and
their guns, Lev and his shovel. Then finally the man and woman end it. They
look down at the boy rocking back and forth, sobbing over the random pieces of
tangled jewelry he's spread at their feet.
"We won't unwind you, Tyler."
"PROMISE HIM!"
"We won't unwind you, Tyler. We promise. We
promise."
Cy's shoulders relax, and although he still cries,
they're no longer sobs of desperation. They're sobs of relief.
"Thank you," Cy says. "Thank you . .
."
Lev drops the shovel, the cops lower their guns, and
the tearful couple escape toward the safety of their home. Cyrus's dads are
there to fill the void. They help Cyrus up and hold him tight.
"It's all right, Cyrus. Everything's going to be
okay."
And through his sobs, Cy says, "I know. It's all
good now. It's all good."
That's when Lev takes off. He knows he's the only
variable in this equation left to resolve, and in a moment the cops are going
to realize that. So he backs into the shadows while the officers are still
distracted by the scurrying couple, and the crying kid, and the two dads, and
the shiny things on the ground. Then, once he's in the shadows, he turns and
runs. In a few moments they'll know he's gone, but a few moments is all he
needs. Because he's fast. He's always been fast. He's through the bushes, into
the next yard, and onto another street in ten seconds.
The look on Cy's face as he dropped the jewelry at the
feet of those horrible, horrible people, and the way they acted, as if they were
the ones being victimized—these things will stay with Lev for the rest of his life.
He knows he's been changed by this moment, transformed in some deep and
frightening way. Wherever his journey now takes him, it doesn't matter, because
he has already arrived there in his heart. He's become like that briefcase in
the ground— full of gems yet void of light, so nothing sparkles, nothing
shines.
The last bit of daylight is gone from the sky now; the
only color left is dark blue fading to black. The streetlights have not yet
come on, so Lev dodges through endless shades of pitch. The better to run. The
better to hide. The better to lose himself now that darkness is his friend.
Part Five
Graveyard
[Southwest
Arizona] serves as an ideal graveyard for airplanes. It has a dry, clear and
virtually smog-free climate that helps minimize corrosion. It has an alkaline
soil so firm that airplanes can be towed and parked on the surface without
sinking. . . .
An airplane graveyard is not just a fence around airplane carcasses and
piles of scrap metal. Rather, many millions of dollars' worth of surplus parts are salvaged to keep active aircraft
flying. . . .
—JOE ZENTNER, "Airplane Graveyards," desertusa.com
32 The Admiral
The blazing sun bakes the Arizona hardpan by day, and
the temperature plunges at night. More than four thousand planes from every era
of aviation history shine in the heat of that sun. From cruising altitude, the
rows of planes look like crop lines, a harvest of abandoned technology.
#1) YOU ARRIVED HERE BY NECESSITY. YOU STAY HERE
BY-CHOICE.
From way up there you can't see that some of those
grounded jets are occupied. Thirty-three, to be exact. Spy satellites can catch
the activity, but catching it and noticing it are two different things. CIA
data analysts have far more pressing things to look for than a band of refugee
Unwinds. This is what the Admiral's counting on—but just in case, the rules
in the Graveyard are strict. All activity takes place in the fuselage or under
the wings, unless it's absolutely necessary to go out into the open. The heat
helps enforce the edict.
#2) SURVIVING HAS EARNED YOU THE RIGHT TO BE
RESPECTED.
The Admiral doesn't exactly own the Graveyard, but his
management is undisputed, and he answers to no one but himself. A combination
of business sense, favors owed, and a military willing to do anything to get
rid of him are what made such a sweet deal possible.
#3) MY WAY IS THE ONLY WAY.
The Graveyard is a thriving business. The Admiral buys
decommissioned airplanes and sells the parts, or even resells them whole. Most
business is done online; the Admiral is able to acquire about one retired jet a
month. Of course, each one arrives loaded with a secret cargo of Unwinds.
That's the real business of the Graveyard, and business has been good.
#4) YOUR LIFE IS MY GIFT TO YOU. TREAT IT LIKE ONE.
Buyers do, on occasion, come to inspect or to pick up
merchandise, but there's always plenty of warning. From the time they enter
the gate, it's five miles to the yard itself. It gives the kids more than
enough time to disappear like gremlins into the machinery. These types of
business-related visitors come only about once a week. There are people who
wonder what the Admiral docs with all the rest of his time. He tells them he's
building a wildlife preserve.
#5) YOU ARE BETTER THAN THOSE WHO WOULD UNWIND YOU.
RISE TO THE OCCASION.
There are only three adults in the Admiral's employ;
two office workers stationed in a trailer far from the Unwinds, and a
helicopter pilot. The pilot goes by the name of Cleaver, and he has two jobs.
The first is to tour important buyers around the lot in style. The second is to
take the Admiral on trips around the Graveyard once a week. Cleaver is the only
employee who knows about the hoard of Unwinds sequestered in the far reaches of
the lot. He knows, but he's paid more than enough to keep quiet; and besides,
the Admiral trusts Cleaver implicitly. One must trust one's personal pilot.
#6) EVERYONE IN THE GRAVEYARD CONTRIBUTES. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The real work in the yard is done by the Unwinds.
There are whole teams specially designated to strip the jets, sort parts, and
get them ready for sale. It's just like any other junkyard, but on a larger
scale. Not all the jets get stripped. Some remain untouched, if the Admiral
thinks he can resell them whole. Some are retooled as living quarters for the
kids who are, both literally and figuratively, under his wing.
#7) TEENAGE REBELLION IS FOR SUBURBAN SCHOOLCHILDREN.
GET OVER IT.
The kids are grouped in teams best suited for their
jobs, their ages, and their personal needs. A lifetime of experience molding
military boeufs into a coherent fighting force has
prepared the Admiral for creating a functional society out of angry, troubled
kids.
#8) HORMONES WILL NOT RULE MY DESERT.
Girls are never grouped with boys.
#9) AT EIGHTEEN YOU CEASE TO BE MY CONCERN.
The Admiral has a list of his ten supreme rules,
posted in each and every plane where kids live and work. The kids call them
"The Ten Demandments." He doesn't care what
they call them, as long as each and every one of them knows the list by heart.
#10) MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. THIS IS AN ORDER.
It's a challenge keeping almost four hundred kids
healthy, hidden, and whole. But the Admiral has never walked away from a
challenge. And his motivation for doing this, like his name, is something he
prefers to keep to himself.
33 Risa
For Risa, the first days in the Graveyard are harsh
and seem to last forever. Her residency begins with an exercise in humility.
Every new arrival is required to face a tribunal:
three seventeen-year-olds sitting behind a desk in the gutted shell of a
wide-bodied jet. Two boys and a girl. These three, together with Amp and
Jeeves, who Risa met when she first stepped off the plane, make up the elite
group of five everyone calls "the Goldens." They're the Admiral's
five most trusted kids—and therefore the ones in charge.
By the time they get to Risa, they've already
processed forty kids.
"Tell us about yourself," says the boy on
the right. Starboard Boy, she calls him, since, after all, they're in a vessel.
"What do you know, and what can you do?"
The last tribunal Risa faced was back at StaHo, when
she was sentenced to be unwound. She can tell these three are bored and don't
care what she says, just as long as they can get on to the next one. She finds
herself hating them, just as she hated the headmaster that day he tried to
explain why her membership in the human race had been revoked.
The girl, who sits in the middle, must read her
feelings, because she smiles and says, "Don't worry, this isn't a test—we just
want to help you find where you'll fit in here." It's an odd thing to say,
since not fitting in is every Unwinds problem.
Risa takes a deep breath. "I was a music student
at StaHo," she says, then immediately regrets telling them she's from a
state home. Even among Unwinds there's prejudice and pecking orders. Sure
enough, Starboard leans back, crossing his arms in clear disapproval, but the
port-side boy says: "I'm a Ward too. Florida StaHo 18."
"Ohio 23."
"What instrument do you play?" the girl
asks.
"Classical piano."
"Sorry," says Starboard. "We've got
enough musicians, and none of the planes came with a piano."
"'Survival has earned me the right to be
respected,'" Risa says. "Isn't that one of the Admiral's rules? I
don't think he'd like your attitude."
Starboard squirms. "Can we just get on with
this?"
The girl offers an apologetic grin. "As much as I
hate to admit it, in the here and now, there are other things we need before a
virtuoso. What else can you do?"
"Just give me a job and I'll do it," Risa
says, trying to get this over with. "That's what you're going to do
anyway, right?"
"Well, they always need help in the galley,"
says Starboard. "Especially after meals."
The girl gives Risa a long, pleading look, perhaps
hoping that Risa will come up with something better for herself, but all Risa
says is "Fine. Dishwasher. Am I done here?"
She turns to leave, doing her best to douse her
disgust. The next kid comes in as she's heading out. He looks awful. His nose
is swollen and purple. His shirt is caked with dried blood, and both his
nostrils have started bleeding fresh.
"What happened to you?"
He looks at her, sees who it is, and says, "Your
boyfriend—
that's what happened to me. And he's gonna pay."
Risa could ask him a dozen questions about that, but
the kid's bleeding all over his shirt, and the first priority is to stop it. He
tips his head back.
"No," Risa tells him. "Lean forward,
otherwise you'll gag on your own blood."
The kid listens. The tribunal of three come out from
behind their desk to see what they can do, but Risa has it under control.
"Pinch it like this," she tells him.
"You need to be patient with this kind of thing." She shows the kid
exactly how to pinch his nose to stem the flow of blood. Then, once the
bleeding stops, Port-side comes over to her and says, "Nice work."
She's immediately promoted from dishwasher to medic.
Funny, but it's indirectly Connor's doing, since he's the one who broke that
kid's nose in the first place.
As for the kid with the bloody nose, he gets assigned
to dish washing.
* * *
The first few days, actually trying to act like a
medic without any real training is terrifying. There are other kids in the
medical jet who seem to know a lot more, but she quickly comes to realize they
were thrown into this just like she was, when they first arrived.
"You'll do fine. You're a natural," the
senior medic, who is all of seventeen, tells her. He's right. Once she gets
used to the idea, handling first aid, standard illnesses, and even suturing
simple wounds becomes as familiar to her as playing the piano. The days begin
to pass quickly, and before she realizes it, she's been there a month. Each day
that goes by adds to her sense of security. The Admiral was an odd bird, but
he'd done something no one else had been able to do for her since she'd left
StaHo. He'd given her back her right to exist.
34 Connor
Like Risa, Connor finds his niche by accident. Connor
never considered himself mechanically capable, but there are few things he can
stand less than a bunch of morons standing around looking at something that
doesn't work and wondering who's going to fix it. During that first week, while
Risa's off learning how to be an exceptionally good fake doctor, Connor decides
to figure out the workings of a fried air-conditioning unit, then find
replacement parts from one of the junk piles and get it working again.
He soon comes to realize it's the same way with every
other broken thing he comes across. Sure, it began with trial and error, but
the errors become fewer and fewer as the days go by. There are plenty of other
kids who claim to be mechanics, and are really good at explaining why things
won't work. Connor, on the other hand, actually fixes them.
It quickly gets him reassigned from trash duty to the
repair crew, and since there are endless things to repair, it keeps his mind
off of other things . . . such as how little he gets to see Risa in the
Admiral's tightly structured world . . . and how quickly Roland is advancing
through the social ranks of the place.
Roland has managed to get himself one of the best
assignments in the Graveyard. By working the angles and applying plenty of
flattery, he's been taken on as the pilot's assistant. Mostly, he just keeps
the helicopter cleaned and fueled, but the assignment reeks of an
apprenticeship.
"He's teaching me how to fly it," he
overhears Roland tell a bunch of other kids one day. Connor shudders to think
of Roland behind the controls of a helicopter, but many kids are impressed by
Roland. His age gives him seniority, and his manipulations gain him either fear
or respect from a surprising number of others. Roland draws his negative
energy from the kids around him, and there are a lot of kids here for him to
draw from.
Social manipulation is not one of Connor's strengths.
Even among his own team, he's a bit of a mystery. Kids know not to tread on
him, because he has a low tolerance for irritation and idiocy. But there's no
one they'd rather have on their side than Connor.
"People like you because you've got
integrity," Hayden tells him. "Even when you're being an ass."
Connor has to laugh at that. Him? Integrity? There
have been plenty of people in Connor's life who would think differently. But
on the other hand, he's changing. He's been getting into fewer fights. Maybe
it's because there's more room to breathe here than in the warehouse. Or maybe
he's been working out his brain enough for it to successfully muscle his impulses
into line. A lot of that has to do with Risa, because every time he forces
himself to think before acting, it's her voice in his head telling him to slow
down. He wants to tell her, but she's always so busy in the medical jet—and you
don't just go to somebody and say, "I'm a better person because you're in
my head."
She's also still in Roland's head, and that worries
Connor. At first Risa had been a tool to provoke Connor into a fight, but now
Roland sees her as a prize. Now, instead of using brute strength against her he
tries to charm her at every turn.
"You're not actually falling for him, are
you?" he asks her one day, on one of the rare occasions he can get her
alone.
"I'll pretend you didn't just ask that," she
tells him in disgust. Rut Connor has reasons to wonder.
"On that first night here, he offered you his
blanket, and you accepted it," he points out.
"Only because I knew it would make him
cold."
"And when he offers you his food, you take
it."
"Because it means he goes hungry."
It's coolly logical. Connor finds it amazing that she
can put her emotions aside and be as calculating as Roland, beating him at his
own game. Another reason for Connor to admire her.
* * *
"Work call!"
It happens about once a week beneath the meeting
canopy—the
only structure in the entire graveyard that isn't part of a plane, and the only
place large enough to gather all 423 kids. Work call. A chance to get out into
the real world. A chance to have a life. Sort of.
The Admiral never attends, but there are video feeds
from the meeting canopy, just as there are feeds all over the yard, so everyone
knows he's watching. Whether or not every camera is constantly monitored, no
one knows, but the potential for being seen is always there. Connor did not
care for the Admiral the first day he met him. The sight of all those video
cameras shortly thereafter made Connor like him even less. It seems each day
there's something to add to his general feeling of disgust with the man.
Amp leads the work call meeting with his megaphone and
clipboard. "A man in Oregon needs a team of five to clear cut a few acres
of forest," Amp announces. "You'll be given room and board, and
taught to use the tools of the trade. The job should take a few months, and at
the end you'll get new identities. Eighteen-year-old identities."
Amp doesn't let them know the salary, because there is
none. The Admiral gets paid, though. He gets paid a purchase price.
"Any takers?"
There are always takers. Sure enough, more than a
dozen hands go up. Sixteen-year-olds, mostly. Seventeens
are too close to eighteen to make it worth their while, and younger kids are
too intimidated by the prospect.
"Report to the Admiral after this meeting. He'll
make the final decision as to who goes."
Work call infuriates Connor. He never puts his hand
up, even if it's something he might actually want to do. "The Admiral's
using us," he says to the kids around him. "Don't you see that?"
Most of the kids just shrug, but Hayden's there, and
he never misses an opportunity to add his peculiar wisdom to a situation. "I'd
rather be used whole than in pieces," Hayden says.
Amp looks at his clipboard and holds up the megaphone
again. "Housecleaning services," he says. "Three are needed, female
preferred. No false IDs, but the location is secure and remote—which means
you'll be safe from the Juvey-cops until you turn eighteen."
Connor won't even look. "Please tell me no one
raised their hand."
"About six girls—all seventeen years old, it
looks like," says Hayden. "I guess no one wants to be a house-girl
for more than a year."
"This place isn't a refuge, it's a slave market.
Why doesn't anyone see that?"
"Who says they don't sec it? It's just that
unwinding makes slavery look good. It's always the lesser of two evils."
"I don't see why there have to be any evils at
all."
As the meeting breaks up, Connor feels a hand on his
shoulder. He thinks it must be a friend, but it's not. It's Roland. It's such a
surprise, it takes Connor a moment before he reacts. He shakes Roland's hand
off. "Something you want?"
"Just to talk."
"Don't you have a helicopter to wash?"
Roland smiles at that. "Less washing, more
flying. Cleaver made me his unofficial copilot."
"Cleaver must have a death wish." Connor
doesn't know who he's more disgusted with: Roland, or the pilot for being
suckered in by him.
Roland looks around at the thinning crowd. "The
Admiral's got some racket going here, doesn't he?" he says. "Most of
the losers here don't care. But it bothers you, doesn't it?"
"Your point?"
"Just that you're not the only one who thinks the
Admiral needs some . . . retraining."
Connor doesn't like where this is going. "What I
think of the Admiral is my business."
"Of course it is. Have you seen his teeth, by the
way?"
"What about them?"
"Pretty obvious that they're not his. I hear he
keeps a picture of the kid he got them from in his office. An Unwind like us,
who, thanks to him, never made it to eighteen. Makes you wonder how much more
of him comes from us. Makes you wonder if there's anything left of the original
Admiral at all."
This is too much information to process here and now— and
considering the source, Connor doesn't want to process it at all. But he knows
he will.
"Roland, let me make this as clear to you as I
can. I don't trust you. I don't like you. I don't want to have anything to do
with you."
"I can't stand you, either," Roland says,
then he points to the Admiral's jet. "But right now, we've got the same
enemy."
Roland strolls off before anyone else can take notice
of their conversation, leaving Connor with a heaviness in his stomach. The very
idea that he and Roland could in any way be on the same side makes him feel
like he swallowed something rancid.
* * *
For a week the seed that Roland planted in Connor's
brain grows. It's fertile ground, because Connor already distrusted the
Admiral. Now, every time he sees the man, Connor notices something. His teeth are
perfect. They're not the teeth of an aging war veteran. The way he looks at
people—looking
into their eyes—it's as if he were sizing those eyes up, looking for a pair
that might suit him. And those kids that disappear on work calls—since they
never come back, who's to know where they really go? Who's to say they don't
all get sent off to be unwound? The Admiral says his goal is to save Unwinds,
but what if he's got an entirely different agenda? These thoughts keep Connor awake at night, but he won't share them
with anyone, because once he does, it aligns him with Roland. And that's an
alliance he never wants to make.
* * *
During their fourth week in the Graveyard, while
Connor is still building his case against the Admiral in his own mind, a plane
arrives. It's the first one since the old FedEx jet that brought them here, and
like that jet, this one is packed full of live cargo. While the five Goldens
march the new arrivals from their jet, Connor works on a faulty generator. He
watches them with mild interest as they pass, wondering if any of them would be
more mechanically skilled than him and bump him into a less enviable position.
Then, toward the back of the line of kids is a face he
thinks he recognizes. Someone from home? No. Someone else. All at once it comes
to him who this is. It's the boy he was sure had been unwound weeks ago. It's the kid he kidnapped for his own
good. It's Lev!
Connor drops his wrench and runs toward him, but gains
control before he gets there, burying his mixed flood of feelings beneath a
calm saunter. This is the kid who betrayed him. This is the kid he once swore
he'd never forgive. And yet the thought of him unwound had been too much to
bear. But Lev hasn't been unwound—he's right here, marching off to
the supply jet. Connor is thrilled. Connor is furious.
Lev doesn't see him yet—and that's fine, because it
gives Connor some time to take in what he sees. This is no longer the clean-cut
tithe he pulled out of his parents' car more than two months before. This kid
has long, unkempt hair and a hardened look about him. This kid isn't in tithing
whites but wears torn jeans and a dirty red T-shirt. Connor wants to let him
pass, just so he can have time to process this new image, but Lev sees him, and
gives him a grin right away. This is also different—because
during that brief time they knew each other, Lev had never been pleased by
Connor's presence.
Lev steps toward him.
"Stay in line!" orders Amp. "The supply
jet's this way."
But Connor waves Amp off. "It's okay—I know7 this one."
Amp reluctantly gives in. "Make sure he gets to
the supply jet." Then he
returns to herding the others.
"So, how are things?" says Lev. Just like
that. How are things. You'd think they were buds back from summer vacation.
Connor knows what he has to do. It's the only thing
that will ever make things right between him and Lev. Once again, it's
instinctive action without time for thought. Instinctive, not irrational.
Impassioned, but not impulsive. Connor has come to know the difference.
He hauls off and punches Lev in the eye. Not hard
enough to knock him down, but hard enough to snap his head halfway around and
give him a nasty shiner. Before Lev can react, Connor says, "That's for
what you did to us." Then, before Lev can respond, he does something else
sudden and unexpected. He pulls Lev toward him and hugs him tightly—the way he
hugged his own little brother last year when he took first place in the
district pentathlon. "I'm really, really glad you're alive,
Lev."
"Yeah. Me, too."
He lets Lev go before it starts feeling awkward, and
when he does, he can see Lev's eye is already beginning to swell. And an idea
occurs to him. "C'mon—I'll take you over to the medical jet. I know someone
who'll take care of that eye."
* * *
It isn't until later that night that Connor gets an
inkling of how much Lev has truly changed. Connor is shaken awake sometime
during the night. He opens his eyes to a flashlight shining in his face, so
close the light hurts.
"Hey! What is this?"
"Shhh," says a
voice behind the flashlight. "It's Lev."
Lev should have been in the newcomers' jet—that's where all the kids go until they get sorted into
their teams. There are strict orders that no one is to be out at night.
Apparently Lev is no longer a boy bound by rules.
"What are you doing here?" Connor says.
"Do you know the trouble you could be in?" He still can't see Lev's
face behind that flashlight.
"You hit me this afternoon," says Lev.
"I hit you because I owed that to you."
"I know. I deserved it, and so it's okay,"
says Lev. "But don't you ever hit me again, or you'll regret
it."
Although Connor has no intention of ever punching
Lev-out again, he does not respond well to ultimatums.
"I'll hit you," says Connor, "if you
deserve it."
Silence from behind the flashlight. Then Lev says,
"Fair enough. But you better make sure that I do."
The light goes off. Lev leaves, but Connor can't
sleep. Every Unwind has a story you don't want to know. He supposes that Lev
now has his.
* * *
The Admiral calls for Connor two days later.
Apparently he has something in need of repair. His residence is an old 747 that
was used as Air Force One years before any of the kids here were born. The
engines had been removed and the presidential seal painted over, but you could
still see a shadow of the emblem beneath the paint.
Connor climbs the stairs with a bag of tools, hoping
that whatever it is, he can get in and out quickly. Like everyone else, he has
a morbid curiosity about the man, and he wonders what an old presidential jet
looks like on the inside. But being under the Admiral's scrutiny scares the
hell out of him.
He steps through the hatch to find a couple of kids
tidying up. They're younger kids that Connor doesn't know; he thought the
Goldens might be in here, but they're nowhere to be seen. As for the jet, it's
not nearly as luxurious as Connor had expected. The leather seats have tears,
the carpet is almost worn through. It looks more like an old motor home than
Air Force One.
"Where's the Admiral?"
The Admiral steps out from the deeper recesses of the
jet. Although Connor's eyes are still adjusting to the light, he can see the
Admiral is holding a weapon. "Connor! I'm glad you could make it."
Connor winces at the sight of the gun—and at the realization the Admiral
knows him by name.
"What do you need that for?" Connor asks,
pointing at the gun.
"Just cleaning it," says the Admiral. Connor
wonders why he would still have a clip in a gun he was cleaning, but decides
it's best not to ask. The Admiral puts the gun into a drawer and locks it. Then
he sends the two kids off and seals the hatch behind them. This is exactly the
kind of situation Connor feared most, and he can feel a rush of adrenaline
begin to tingle in his fingers and toes. His awareness becomes heightened.
"You need me to fix something sir?"
"Yes, I do. My coffeemaker."
"Why don't you just take one from the other
planes?"
"Because," says the Admiral calmly, "I
prefer to have this one repaired."
He leads Connor through the jet, which seems even
larger on the inside than out, filled with cabins, conference rooms, and
studies.
"You know, your name comes up quite often,"
the Admiral says.
This is news to him, and not welcome news, either.
"Why?"
"First, for the things you repair. Then for the
fighting."
Connor senses a reprimand on the way. Yes, he's had
fewer fights here than usual, but the Admiral is a man of zero tolerance.
"Sorry about the fighting."
"Don't be. Oh, there's no question that you're a
loose cannon, but more often than not you're aimed in the right
direction."
"I don't know what you mean, sir."
"From what I can see, each fight you've engaged
in has resolved one problem or another. Even the fights you lose. So, even
then, you're fixing things." He offers Connor that white-toothed smile.
Connor shudders. He tries to hide it, but he's sure the Admiral sees it.
They come to a small dining room and galley.
"Here we are," says the Admiral. The old coffeemaker sits on a
counter. It's a simple device. Connor's about to pull out a screwdriver to open
up the back when he notices that it's not plugged in. When he plugs it in, the
light comes on, and it starts to gurgle out coffee into the little glass pot.
"Well, how about that," says the Admiral,
with another of his terrible grins.
"I'm not here for the coffeemaker, am I?"
"Have a seat," the Admiral says.
"I'd rather not."
"Have one anyway."
That's when Connor sees the picture. There are several
photos up on the wall, but the one that captures Connor's attention is of a
smiling kid about his age. The smile looks familiar. In fact, it looks exactly
like the Admiral's smile. It's just like Roland had said!
Now Connor wants to bolt, but Risa's voice is in his
head again, telling him to scan his options. Sure, he can run. Chances are, he
can get to the hatch before the Admiral can stop him—but opening
the hatch won't be easy. He could hit the Admiral with one of his tools. That
might give him enough time to get away. But where would he go? Beyond the
Graveyard there's just desert, desert, and more desert. In the end, he realizes
his best choice is to do as the Admiral says. He sits down.
"You don't like me, do you?" asks the
Admiral.
Connor won't meet his gaze. "You saved my life by
bringing me here. . . ."
"You will not avoid answering this question. You
don't like me, do you?"
Connor shudders once more, and this time doesn't even
try to hide it. "No, sir, I don't."
"I want to know your reasons."
Connor lets out a single rueful chuckle as his answer.
"You think I'm a slave dealer," says the
Admiral. "And that I'm using these Unwinds for my own profit?"
"If you know what I'm going to say, why ask
me?"
"I want you to look at me."
But Connor doesn't want to see the man's eyes—or, more
accurately, doesn't want the Admiral seeing his.
"I said look at me!"
Reluctantly, Connor lifts his eyes and fixes them on
the Admiral's. "I'm looking."
"I believe you are a smart kid. Now I want you to
think. Think! I am a decorated Admiral of the United States Navy. Do you
think I need to be selling children to earn money?"
"I don't know."
"Think! Do
I care about money and lavish things? I do not live in a mansion. I do not
vacation on a tropical island. I spend my time in the stinking desert living in
a rotting plane 365 days a year. Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know!"
"I think you do."
Connor stands up now. In spite of the Admiral's tone
of voice, he feels less and less intimidated by him. Whether it's wise or
whether it's foolhardy, Connor decides to give the Admiral what he's asking
for. "You do it because of the power. You do it because it lets you keep
hundreds of helpless kids in the palm of your hand. And you do it because you
can pick and choose who gets unwound—and which parts you'll get."
The Admiral is caught off guard by this. Suddenly,
he's on the defensive. "What did you say?"
"It's obvious! All the scars. And those teeth!
They're not the ones you were born with, are they? So, what is it you want from
me? Is it my eyes, or my ears? Or maybe it's my hands that can fix things so
well. Is that why I'm here? Is it?"
The Admiral's voice is a predator)' growl.
"You've gone too far."
"No, you've gone too far." The fury
in the Admiral's eyes should terrify Connor, but his cannon has come loose, and
it's beyond locking down. "We come to you in desperation! What you do to
us is ... is .. . obscene!"
"So I'm a monster, then!"
"Yes!"
"And my teeth are the proof."
"Yes!"
"Then you can have them!"
Then the Admiral does something beyond imagining. He
reaches into his mouth, grabs onto his own jaw, and rips the teeth out of his
mouth. His eyes blazing at Connor, he hurls the hard pink clump in his hand
down on the table, where it clatters in two horrible pieces.
Connor screams in shock. It's all there. Two rows of
white teeth. Two sets of pink
gums. But there's no blood. Why is there
no blood? There's no blood in the Admiral's mouth, either. His face
seems to have collapsed onto itself—his mouth is just a floppy,
puckered hole. Connor doesn't know which is worse—the Admiral's face, or the
bloodless teeth.
"They're called dentures," the Admiral says.
"They used to be common in the days before unwinding. But who wants false
teeth when, for half the price, you can get real ones straight from a healthy
Unwind? I had to get these made in Thailand— no one does it here anymore."
"I ... I don't understand. . . ." Connor
looks at the false teeth, and jerks his head almost involuntarily toward the
picture of the smiling boy.
The Admiral follows his gaze. "That," says
the Admiral, "was my son. His teeth looked very much like my own at that
age, so they designed my dentures using his dental records."
It's a relief to hear an explanation other than the
one Roland gave. "I'm sorry."
The Admiral neither accepts nor rejects Connor's
apology. "The money I get tor placing Unwinds
into service positions is used to feed the ones who remain, and to pay for the
safe houses and warehouses that get runaway Unwinds off the street. It pays for
the aircraft that get them here, and pays off anyone who needs bribery to look
the other way. After that, the money that remains goes into the pockets of each
Unwind on the day they turn eighteen and are sent out into this unforgiving
world. So you see, I may still be, by your definition of the word, a slave
dealer—but
I am not quite the monster you think I am."
Connor looks to the dentures that still sit there,
glistening, on the table. He thinks to grab them and hand them back to the
Admiral as a peace offering, but decides the prospect is simply too disgusting.
He lets the Admiral do it himself.
"Do you believe the things I've told you
today?" the Admiral asks.
Connor considers it, but finds his compass is out of
whack. Truth and rumors, facts and lies are all spinning in his head so wildly
he still can't say what is what. "I think so," says Connor.
"Know so,"
says the Admiral. "Because you will see things today more awful than an
old man's false teeth. I need to know that my trust in you is not
misplaced."
* * *
Half a mile away, in aisle fourteen, space thirty-two,
sits a FedEx jet that has not moved since it was towed here more than a month
ago.
The Admiral has Connor drive him to the jet in his
golf cart—but
not before retrieving the pistol from his cabinet as "a precaution."
Beneath the starboard wing of the FedEx jet are five
mounds of dirt marked by crude headstones. These are the five who suffocated in
transit. Their presence here makes this truly a graveyard.
The hatch to the hold is open. Once they've stopped,
the Admiral says, "Climb inside and find crate number 2933. Then come out
again, and we'll talk."
"You're not coming?"
"I've already been." The Admiral hands him a
flashlight. "You'll need this."
Connor stands on the roof of the cart, climbs through
the cargo hatch, and turns on the flashlight. The moment he does, he has a
shiver of memory. It looks exactly the same as it did a month ago. Open crates,
and overtones of urine. The afterbirth of their arrival. He works his way
deeper into the jet, passing the crate that he, Hayden, Emby, and Diego had
occupied. Finally, he finds number 2933. It was one of the first crates to be
loaded. Its hatch is open just a crack. Connor pulls it all the way open, and
shines his light in.
When he catches sight of what's inside, he screams and
reflexively lurches back, banging his head on the crate behind him. The Admiral
could have warned him, but he hadn't. Okay: Okay. I know what I saw. There's
nothing I can do about it. And nothing in there can hurt me. Still, he
takes time to prepare himself before he looks in again.
There are five dead kids in the crate.
All seventeen-year-olds. There's Amp, and Jeeves.
Beside them are Kevin, Melinda, and Raul, the three kids who gave out jobs his
first day there. All five of the Goldens. There are no signs of blood, no
wounds. They could all be asleep except for the fact that Amp's eyes are open
and staring at nothing. Connor's mind reels. Did the Admiral do this? Is he mad after all? But why would he? No, it has to have been
someone else.
When Connor comes out into the light, the Admiral is
paying his respects to the five kids already buried beneath the wing. He
straightens the markers and evens out the mounds.
"They disappeared last night. I found them sealed
in the crate this morning," the Admiral tells him. "They suffocated,
just like the first five did. It's the same crate."
"Who would do this?"
"Who, indeed," says the Admiral. Satisfied
with the graves, he turns to Connor. "Whoever it is took out the five most
powerful kids . . . which means, whoever did this wants to systematically
dismantle the power structure here, so that they can rise to the top of it more
quickly."
There's only one Unwind Connor knows of who might be
capable of this—but even so, he has a hard time believing Roland would do
something this horrible.
I was meant to discover them," the Admiral says.
"They left my golf cart here this morning so that I would. Make no mistake
about it, Connor, this is an act of war. They have made a surgical strike.
These five were my eyes and ears among the kids here. Now I have none."
The Admiral takes a moment to look at the dark hole of
the hold. "Tonight, you and I will come back here to bury them."
Connor swallows hard at the prospect. He wonders who
he pissed off in Heaven to get singled out to be the Admiral's new lieutenant.
"We'll bury them far away," says the
Admiral, "and we will tell no one that they're dead. Because if word of it
gets out, the culprits will have their first victor)'. If someone does start
talking—and
they will—we'll track the rumors down to the guilty party."
"And then what?" Connor asks.
"And then justice will be served. Until then,
this must be our secret."
As Connor chauffeurs him back to his plane, the
Admiral makes his business with Connor clear. "I need a new set of eyes
and ears. Someone to keep me abreast of the state of things among the Unwinds.
And someone to ferret out the wolf in the herd. I'm asking you to do this for
me."
"So you want me to be a spy?"
"Whose side are you on? Are you on my side, or
the side of whoever did this?"
Connor now knows why the Admiral brought him here and
forced him to see this for himself. It's one thing to be told, and another one
entirely to discover the bodies. It makes it brutally clear to Connor where his
allegiance must lie.
"Why me?" Connor has to ask.
The Admiral gives him his white-dentured
smile. "Because you, my friend, are the least of all evils."
* * *
The next morning, the Admiral makes an announcement
that the Goldens were sent off
to organize new safe houses. Connor watches Roland for a reaction—perhaps a
grin, or a glance at one of his buddies. But there's nothing. Roland gives no
telltale sign that he knows what really happened to them. In fact, throughout
the morning announcements he seems disinterested and distracted, like he can't
wait to get on with his day. There's a good reason for that. Roland's
apprenticeship with Cleaver, the helicopter pilot, has been paying off. Over
the past weeks Roland has learned to fly the helicopter like a pro, and when
Cleaver isn't around he offers free rides to those kids he feels deserve it. He
says Cleaver doesn't care, but more likely he just doesn't know.
Connor had assumed that Roland would offer rides to
his own inner circle of kids, but that's not the case. Roland rewards work well
done—even
by kids he doesn't know. He rewards loyalty to one's team. He lets other kids
vote on who should get a chance to do a flyby of the yard in the helicopter. In
short, Roland acts as if he's the one in charge, and not the Admiral.
When the Admiral is present, he feigns obedience, but
when others are gathered around him—and there are always others
gathered around Roland—he takes every opportunity to cut the man down.
"The Admiral's out of touch," he would say. "He doesn't know
what it's like to be one of us. He can't possibly understand who we are and
what we need." And in groups of kids he's already won over, he whispers
his theories about the Admiral's teeth, and his scars, and his diabolical plans
for all of them. He spreads fear and distrust, using it to unite as many kids
as he can.
Connor has to bite his lip to keep himself quiet when
he hears Roland mouth off—because if he speaks out in defense of the Admiral, then
Roland will know which side of the line he's on.
* * *
There's a recreation jet at the Graveyard, near the
meeting tent. Inside there are TVs and electronics, and under its wings are
pool tables, a pinball machine, and reasonably comfortable furniture. Connor
proposed setting up a water mister, so that the area beneath the wings will
stay at least a little bit cooler during the heat of the day. But even more
importantly, Connor figures the project will allow him to be a fly on the wall,
hearing conversations, cataloguing cliques, and performing general espionage.
The problem is, Connor is never a fly on the wall. Instead, his work becomes
the center of attention. Kids offer to help him like he's Tom Sawyer painting a
fence. They all keep seeing him as a leader when all he wants is to be ignored.
He's glad that he never told anyone he's the so-called "Akron AWOL."
According to the current rumors, the Akron AWOL took on an entire legion of
Juvey-cops, outsmarted the national guard, and liberated half a dozen harvest
camps. He has enough attention from other kids without having to contend with
that kind of reputation.
While Connor works to install the mister line, Roland
keeps an eye on him from the pool table. He finally puts down the cue and comes
over.
"You're just a busy little worker bee, ain't ya," Roland says, loud enough for all the kids around
to hear. Connor's up on a stepladder, attaching mist piping to the underside of
the wing. It allows him the satisfaction of carrying on this conversation while
looking down on Roland. "I'm just trying to make life a little
easier," Connor says. "We need a mister down here— wouldn't
want anyone to suffocate in this heat."
Roland keeps a cool poker face. "It looks like
you're the Admiral's new golden boy, now that the others have left." He
looks around to make sure he has everyone's attention. "I've seen you go
up to his jet."
"He needs things fixed, so I fix them," says
Connor. "That's all."
Then, before Roland can push his interrogation, Hayden
speaks up from the pool table.
"Connor's not the only one going up there,"
Hayden says. "There's kids going in and out all the time. Kids with food.
Kids cleaning—and
I hear he's taken an interest in a certain mouth breather we all know and
love."
All eyes turn toward Emby, who has become a fixture at
the pinball machine since he arrived. "What?"
"You've been up to the Admiral's, haven't
you," Hayden says. "Don't deny it!"
"So?
"So, what does he want? I'm sure we'd all like to
know."
Emby squirms, uncomfortable at the center of anyone's
attention. "He just wanted to know about my family and stuff."
This is news to Connor. Perhaps the Admiral's looking
for someone else to help him ferret out the killer. True, Emby's much less
visible than Connor, but a fly on the wall shouldn't actually be a fly on the
wall.
"I know what it is," says Roland. "He
wants your hair."
"Does not!"
"Yeah—his own hair is thinning, right?
You got yourself a nice mop up there. The old man wants to scalp you, and send
the rest of you to be unwound!"
"Shut up!"
Most of the kids laugh. Sure, it's a joke, but Connor
wonders how many think Roland might be right. Emby must suspect it himself,
because he looks kind of sick. It makes Connor furious.
"That's right, pick on Emby," says Connor.
"Show everyone just how low you are." He climbs down off the ladder,
facing Roland eye to eye. "Hey—did you notice Amp left his megaphone?
Why don't you take his place? You're such a loudmouth, you'd be perfect for
it."
Roland's response comes without the slightest smile.
"I wasn't asked."
* * *
That night Connor and the Admiral have a secret meeting
in his quarters, drinking coffee made by a machine rumored to be broken. They
speak of Roland and Connor's suspicions about him, but the Admiral is not
satisfied.
"I don't want suspicion, I want proof. I don't
want your feelings, I want evidence." The Admiral adds some whiskey from a
flask to his own coffee.
When Connor is done with his report, he gets up to
leave, but the Admiral won't let him. He pours Connor a second cup of coffee,
which will surely keep him up all night—but then, he doubts he'll be sleeping
well tonight anyway.
"Very few people know what I'm about to tell
you," says the Admiral.
"So why tell me?"
"Because it serves my purposes for you to
know."
It's an honest answer, but one that still keeps his
motives hidden. Connor imagines he must have been very good in a war.
"When I was much younger," begins the
Admiral, "I fought in the Heartland War. The scars you so impertinently
assumed were transplant scars came from a grenade."
"Which side were you on?"
The Admiral gives Connor that scrutinizing look he's
so good at. "How much do you know about the Heartland War?"
Connor shrugs. "It was the last chapter in our
history textbook, but we had state testing, so we never got to it."
The Admiral waves his hand in disgust. "Textbooks
sugar-coat it anyway. No one wants to remember how it really was. You asked
which side I was on. The truth is, there were three sides in the war, not two.
There was the Life Army, the Choice Brigade, and the remains of the American military,
whose job it was to keep the other two sides from killing each other. That's
the side I was on. Unfortunately, we weren't very successful. You see, a
conflict always begins with an issue—a difference of opinion, an
argument. But by the time it turns into a war, the issue doesn't matter
anymore, because now it's about one thing and one thing only: how much each
side hates the other."
The Admiral pours a little more whiskey into his mug
before he continues. "There were dark days leading up to the war.
Everything that we think defines right and wrong was being turned upside down.
On one side, people were murdering abortion doctors to protect the right to
life, while on the other side people were getting pregnant just to sell their
fetal tissue. And everyone was selecting their leaders not by their ability to
lead, but by where they stood on this single issue. It was beyond madness! Then
the military fractured, both sides got hold of weapons of war, and two opinions
became two armies determined to destroy each other. And then came the Bill of
Life."
The mention of it sends ice water down Connor's spine.
It never used to bother him, but things change once you become an Unwind.
"I was right there in the room when they came up
with the idea that a pregnancy could be terminated retroactively once a child
reaches the age of reason," says the Admiral. "At first it was a joke—no one
intended it to be taken seriously. But that same year the Nobel Prize went to a
scientist who perfected neurografting—the technique that allows every
part of a donor to be used in transplant."
The Admiral takes a deep gulp of his coffee. Connor
hasn't had a bit of his second cup. The thought of swallowing anything right
now is out of the question. It’s all he can do to keep the first cup down.
"With the war getting worse," says the
Admiral, "we brokered a peace by bringing both sides to the table. Then we
proposed the idea of unwinding, which would terminate unwanteds
without actually ending their lives. We thought it would shock both sides into
seeing reason—that
they would stare at each other across the table and someone would blink. But
nobody blinked. The choice to terminate without ending life—it satisfied the
needs of both sides. The Bill of Life was signed, the Unwind Accord went into
effect, and the war was over. Everyone was so happy to end the war, no one
cared about the consequences."
The Admiral's thoughts go far away for a moment, then
he waves his hand. "I'm sure you know the rest."
Connor might not know all the particulars, but he
knows the gist. "People wanted parts."
"Demanded is more like it. A cancerous colon
could be replaced with a healthy new one. An accident victim who would have
died from internal injuries could get fresh organs. A wrinkled arthritic hand
could be replaced by one fifty years younger. And all those new parts had to
come from somewhere." The Admiral paused for a moment to consider it.
"Of course, if more people had been organ donors, unwinding never would
have happened . . . but people like to keep what's theirs, even after they're
dead. It didn't take long for ethics to be crushed by greed. Unwinding became
big business, and people let it happen."
The Admiral glances over at the picture of his son.
Even without the Admiral telling him, Connor realizes why—but he allows the Admiral the dignity of his confession.
"My son, Harlan, was a great kid. Smart. But he
was troubled—you
know the type."
"I am the type," says Connor,
offering a slight grin.
The Admiral nods. "It was just about ten years
ago. He got in with the wrong group of friends, got caught stealing. Hell, I
was the same at his age—that's why my parents first sent me to military school, to
straighten me out. Only, for Harlan there was a different option. A more . . . efficient
option."
"You
had him unwound."
"As one of the fathers of the Unwind Accord, I
was expected to set an example." He presses his thumb and forefinger
against his eyes, stemming off tears before they can flow. "We signed the
order, then changed our minds. But it was already too late. They had taken
Harlan right out of school to the harvest camp, and rushed him through. It had
already been done."
It had never occurred to Connor to consider the toll
unwinding had on the ones who signed the order. He never thought he could have
sympathy for a parent who could do that—or sympathy for one of the men who
had made unwinding possible.
"I'm sorry," Connor says, and means it.
The Admiral stiffens up—sobers up—almost instantly.
"You shouldn't be. It's only because of his unwinding that you're all
here. Afterward, my wife left me and formed a foundation in Harlan's memory. I
left the military, spent several years more drunk than I am now, and then,
three years ago, I had The Big Idea. This place, these kids, arc the result of
it. To date I've saved more than a thousand kids from unwinding."
Connor now understands why the Admiral was telling him
these things. It was more than just a confession. It was a way of securing
Connor's loyalty—and it worked. The Admiral
was a darkly obsessed man, but his obsession saved lives. Hayden once said that
Connor had integrity. That same integrity locks him firmly on the Admiral's
side, and so Connor holds up his mug. "To Harlan!" he says.
"To Harlan!" echoes the Admiral, and
together they drink to his name. "Bit by bit I am making things right,
Connor," the Admiral says. "Bit by bit, and in more ways than
one."
35 Lev
Where Lev was between the time he left CyFi and his
arrival at the Graveyard is less important than where his thoughts resided.
They resided in places colder and darker than the many places he hid.
He had survived the month through a string of
unpleasant compromises and crimes of convenience—whatever was necessary to
keep himself alive. Lev quickly became street-smart, and survival-wise. They
say it takes complete immersion in a culture to learn its language and its
ways. It didn't take him very long to learn the language of the lost.
Once he landed in the safe-house network, he quickly
made it known that he was not a guy to be trifled with. He didn't tell people
he was a tithe. Instead, he told them his parents signed the order to have him
unwound after he was arrested for armed robbery. It was funny to him, because
he had never even touched a gun. It amazed him that the other kids couldn't
read the lie in his face—he had always been such a bad liar. But then, when he
looked in the mirror, what he saw in his own eyes scared him.
By the time he reached the Graveyard, most kids knew
enough to stay away from him. Which is exactly what he wanted.
The same night that the Admiral and Connor have their
secret conference, Lev heads out into the oil-slick dark of the moonless night,
keeping his flashlight off. His first night there he had successfully slipped
out to find Connor, in order to set him straight about a few things. Since
then, the bruise from Connor's punch has faded, and they haven't spoken of it
again. He hasn't spoken much to Connor at all, because Lev has other things on
his mind.
Each night since then he's tried to sneak away, but
every time, he's been caught and sent back. Now that the Admiral's five
watchdogs have left, though, the kids on sentry duty are getting lax. As Lev
sneaks between the jets, he finds that a few of them are even asleep on the
job. Stupid of the Admiral to send those other kids away without having anyone
to replace them.
Once he's far enough away he turns on his flashlight
and tries to find his destination. It's a destination told to him by a girl he
had encountered a few weeks before. She was very much like him. He suspects
he'll meet others tonight who are very much like him as well.
Aisle thirty, space twelve. It's about as far from the
Admiral as you can get and still be in the Graveyard. The space is occupied by
an ancient DC-10, crumbling to pieces in its final resting place. When Lev
swings open the hatch and climbs in, he finds two kids inside, both of whom
bolt upright at the sight of him and take defensive postures.
"My name's Lev," he says. "I was told
to come here."
He doesn't know these kids, but that's no surprise—he hasn't
been in the Graveyard long enough to know that many kids here. One is an Asian
girl with pink hair. The other kid has a shaved head and is covered in tattoos.
"And who told you to come here?" asks the
flesh-head.
"This girl I met in Colorado. Her name's
Julie-Ann."
Then a third figure comes out from the shadows. It's
not a kid hut an adult—midtwenties, maybe. He's smiling.
The guy has greasy red hair, a straggly goatee to match, and a boney face with
sunken cheeks. It's Cleaver, the helicopter pilot.
"So
Julie-Ann sent you!" he says. "Cool! How is she?"
Lev takes a
moment to think about his answer. "She did her job," Lev tells him.
Cleaver nods. "Well, it is what it is."
The other two kids introduce themselves. The
flesh-head is Blaine, the girl is Mai.
"What about that boeuf
who flies the helicopter with you?" Lev asks Cleaver. "Is he part of
this too?"
Mai gives a disgusted laugh. "Roland? Not on your
life!"
"Roland isn't exactly . . . the material for
our little group," Cleaver says. "So, did you come here to give us
the good news about Julie-Ann, or are you here for another reason?"
"I'm here because I want to be here."
"You say it," says Cleaver, "but we
still don't know you're for real."
"Tell us about yourself," says Mai.
Lev prepares to give them the armed-robbery version,
but before he opens his mouth, he changes his mind. The moment calls for
honesty. This must begin with the truth. So he tells them everything, from the
moment he was kidnapped by Connor to his time with CyFi and the weeks after
that. When he's done, Cleaver seems very, very pleased.
"So, you're a tithe! That's great. You don't even
know how great that is!"
"What now?" asks Lev. "Am I in, or
not?"
The others become quiet. Serious. He feels some sort
of ritual is about to begin.
"Tell me, Lev," says Cleaver. "How much
do you hate the people who were going to unwind you?"
"A lot."
"Sorry, that's not good enough."
Lev closes his eyes, digs down, and thinks about his
parents. He thinks about what they planned to do to him, and how they made him
actually want it.
"How much do you hate them?" Cleaver asks
again.
"Totally and completely," answers Lev.
"And how much do you hate the people who would
take parts of you and make them parts of themselves?"
"Totally and completely."
"And how much do you want to make them, and
everyone else in the world, pay?"
"Totally and completely." Someone has to pay for the unfairness of it
all. Everyone has to pay. He'll make them.
"Good," says Cleaver.
Lev is amazed by the depth of his own fury—but he's
becoming less and less frightened of it. He tells himself that's a good thing.
"Maybe he's for real," says Blaine.
If Lev makes this commitment, he knows there's no turning
back. "One thing I need to know," Lev asks, "because Julie-Ann .
. . she wasn't very clear about it. I want to know what you believe."
"What we believe?" says Mai. She looks at
Blaine, and Blaine laughs. Cleaver, however, puts his hand up to quiet him.
"No—no,
it's a good question. A real question. It deserves a real answer. If you're
asking if we have a cause, we don't, so get that out of your head."
Cleaver gestures broadly, his hands and arms filling the space around him.
"Causes are old news. We believe in randomness. Earthquakes! Tornados! We
believe in forces of nature—and we are forces of nature. We are havoc. We're chaos. We mess with the world."
"And we messed pretty good with the Admiral,
didn't we," says Blaine slyly. Cleaver throws him a sharp gaze, and Mai
actually looks scared. It's almost enough to give Lev second thoughts.
"How did you mess with the Admiral?"
"It's done," says Mai, her body language
both anxious and angry. "We messed, and now it's done. We don't talk about
things that are done. Right?"
Cleaver gives her a nod, and she seems to relax a bit.
"The point is," says Cleaver, "it doesn't matter who or what we
mess with, just as long as we mess. The way we see it, the world doesn't move
if things don't get shaken up—am I right?"
“I guess.”
"Well, then, we are the movers and
shakers." Cleaver smiles and points a finger at Lev. "The question
is, are you one too? Do you have what it takes to be one of us?"
Lev takes a long look at these three. These are the
kinds of people his parents would hate. He could join them just out of spite,
but that's not enough—not this time. There must be more. Yet, as he stands there,
Lev realizes that there is more. It's invisible, but it's there, like
the deadly charge lurking in a downed power line. Anger, but not just anger: a
will to act on it as well.
"All right, I'm in." Back at home Lev always
felt part of something larger than himself. Until now, he hadn't realized how
much he missed that feeling.
"Welcome to the family," says Cleaver, and
gives him a slap on the back so painful, he sees stars.
36 Risa
Risa is the first to notice something's wrong with
Connor. Risa is the first to care that something's wrong with Lev.
In a moment of selfishness, she finds herself
aggravated by it, because things are going so well for her now. She finally has
a place to be. She wishes this could remain her sanctuary beyond her eighteenth
birthday, because in the outside world she'd never be able to do the things
she's doing now. It would be practicing medicine without a license—fine when
you're in survival mode, but not in the civilized world. Perhaps, after she
turned eighteen, she could go to college, and medical school— but that takes
money, connections, and she'd have to face even more competition than in her
music classes. She wonders if maybe she could join the military and become an
Army medic. You don't have to be a boeuf to be in a
medical unit. Whatever her choice ends up being, the important thing is that
there could be a choice. For the first time in a long time she can see a
future for herself. With all these good thoughts in her life, the last thing
she wants is something that will shoot it all down.
This is what fills Risa's mind as she makes her way to
one of the study jets. The Admiral has three of his most accessible and
well-appointed jets set aside as study spaces, complete with libraries,
computers, and the resources to learn anything you want to learn. "This is
not a school," the Admiral told them shortly after they arrived.
"There are no teachers, there are no exams." Oddly, it's precisely
that lack of expectation that keeps the study jets full most of the time.
Risa's duties start shortly after dawn, and it has
become her habit to begin her day at one of the study jets, since at that time
of the morning she's usually the only one there. She likes it that way, because
the things she wants to learn make other kids uncomfortable. It's not the
subject matter that bothers them, it's the fact that Risa's the one studying
it. Anatomy and medical texts, mostly. Kids assume that just because she works
in the medical jet, she knows all there is to know. It disturbs them to see her
actually having to learn it.
When she arrives today, however, she discovers Connor
already there. She stops at the hatch, surprised. He's so absorbed in whatever
he's reading that he doesn't hear her come in. She takes a moment to look at
him. She's never seen him so tired—not even when they were on the run.
Still, she's thrilled to see him. They have both been so busy, there hasn't
been much time to spend together.
"Hi,
Connor."
Startled, he looks up quickly and slams his book
closed. When he realizes who it is, he relaxes. "Hi, Risa." By the
time she sits down beside him, he's smiling, and doesn't seem quite so tired.
She's glad she can have that kind of effect on him.
"You're up early."
"No, I'm up late," he says. "I couldn't
sleep, so I came here. He glances out one of the little round windows. "Is
it morning already?"
"Just about. What are you reading?"
He tries to push it out of view, but it's too late for
that. He has two books out. The bottom volume is a book on engineering. That's
no surprise, considering the interest he's taken in the way things work. It's
the book on top—the one his nose was in when she arrived—that catches her
by surprise, almost making her laugh.
"Criminology for Morons?"
"Yeah, well, everyone needs a hobby."
She tries to take a long look into him, but he looks
away. "There's something wrong, isn't there?" she asks. "I don't
need to read Connor for Morons to know that you're in some kind of trouble."
He looks everywhere but into her eyes. "It isn't
trouble. At least not for me. Or maybe it is in some ways, I don't know."
"Want to talk about it?"
"That," says Connor, "is the last thing
I want to do." He takes a deep breath and shifts in his chair. "Don't
worry, everything will be fine."
"You don't sound too sure."
He looks at Risa, then looks at the hatch, making sure
they're still alone. Then he leans in close to her and says, "Now that the
Goldens are ... no longer around, the Admiral's going to be looking for
replacements. I want you to promise me that if he asks you to help him, you'll
turn him down."
"The Admiral doesn't even know I exist. Why would
he ask me for anything?"
"Because he asked me," Connor says in an
intense whisper. "And I think he's asked Emby, too."
"Emby?"
"All I'm saying is that I don't want you to be a
target!"
"A target for what? For whom?"
"Shhh! Keep your voice
down!"
She looks again at that book he was reading, trying to
piece it all together, but there just aren't enough pieces. She gets close to
him, forcing him to look at her. "I want to help you," she says.
"I'm worried about you. Please let me help you."
He darts his eyes back and forth, trying to find an
escape from her gaze, but he can't. Suddenly, he bridges the small distance
between them and kisses her. She did not expect it, and when he breaks off the
kiss she realizes from the look on his face that he hadn't expected it either.
"What was that for?"
It takes a moment for him to get his brain functioning
again. "That," he says, "is in case something happens and I
don't see you again."
"Fine," she says, and she pulls him into
another kiss—this
one longer than the first. When she breaks it off, she says, "That's in
case I do see you again."
He leaves, awkwardly stumbling out and nearly falling
down the steel steps to the ground. In spite of all that just went on between
them, Risa has to smile. It's amazing that something as simple as a kiss can
overpower the worst of worries.
* * *
Lev's troubles appear to be of a different nature, and
Risa finds herself frightened by him. He comes to infirmary call that morning
with a bad sunburn. Since he's a fast runner, he's been assigned messenger
duty. Mostly, it involves running back and forth between the jets carrying
notes. It's one of the Admiral's rules that all messengers wear sunscreen, but
it seems Lev is no longer bound by anyone's rules.
They make small talk for a bit, but it's awkward, so
she quickly gets down to business. "Well, now that your hair is longer, at
least your forehead and neck seem to have been spared. Take off your
shirt."
"I kept my shirt on most of the time," he
says.
"Let's have a look anyway."
Reluctantly, he removes his shirt. He's burned there
as well, but not as badly as on his arms and cheeks. What catches her
attention, however, is a welt on his back in the faint shape of a hand. She
brushes her fingers across it.
"Who did this to you?" she asks.
"Nobody," he says, grabbing the shirt back
from her and slipping it on. "Just some guy."
"Is someone on your team giving you
trouble?"
"I told you, it's nothing—what are
you, my mother?"
"No," says Risa. "If I were your
mother, I'd be rushing you off to the nearest harvest camp."
She means it as a joke, but Lev doesn't find it funny,
"Just give me something to put on the burns."
There's a deadness to his voice that's haunting. She
goes to the cabinet and finds a tube of aloe cream, but she doesn't hand it to
him just yet. "I miss the old Lev," she says.
That makes him look at her. "No offense, but you
didn't even know me."
"Maybe not, but at least back then I wanted
to."
"And you don't want to anymore?"
"I don't know," says Risa. "The kid I'm
looking at now is a little too creepy for my taste." She can tell that
gets to him. She doesn't know why it should, because he seems proud of his new
creep factor.
"The old Lev," he says, "tricked you
into trusting him, then turned you in to the police the first chance he
got."
"And the new Lev wouldn't do that?"
He thinks about it, then says, "The new Lev has
better things to do."
She puts the tube of burn cream in his hand.
"Yeah, well, if you see the old one—the one who always thought about
God and his purpose and stuff—tell him we want him back."
There's an uneasy silence and he looks down at the
tube in his hand. For a moment she thinks he might say something that brings a
hint of that other kid back into the room, but all he says is, "How often
do I put this on?"
* * *
There's a work call the following day.
Risa hates them, because she knows there isn't going
to be anything for her, but everyone must attend work call. Today, the
gathering isn't run by an Unwind, it's run by Cleaver. Apparently he's
temporarily taken over the job, since no one's been found to fulfill Amp's
duties. Risa doesn't like him. He's got an unpleasant, slimy look about him.
There are only a few calls for work today. Someone
wants a plumber's assistant in some godforsaken town named Beaver's Breath;
there's some farm work out in California; and the third job is just plain
weird.
"Prudhoe Bay, Alaska," Cleaver says.
"You'll be working on an oil pipeline until you're eighteen. From what I
hear, it's one of the coldest, most brutal places on Earth. But, hey, it's a
way out, right? I need three volunteers."
The first hand up belongs to an older kid who looks
like punishment is his middle name—like he was born for brutal work,
right down to his shaved head. The second hand raised catches Risa by surprise.
It's Mai. What is Mai doing volunteering for work on a pipeline? Why would she
leave the boy she was so attached to back in the warehouse? But then, come to
think of it, Risa hasn't seen that boy around the Graveyard at all. While she
tries to process this, a third hand goes up. It's a younger kid. A smaller kid.
A kid with a bad sunburn. Lev's hand is held high, and he gets chosen for the
pipeline job.
Risa just stands there in disbelief, then she searches
for Connor in the crowd. He's seen it too. He looks at Risa and shrugs. Well,
maybe this is just a shrug to Connor, but it's not to her.
When the meeting breaks up, she makes a beeline for
Lev, but he's already vanished into the mob. So the instant Risa gets back to
the infirmary, she calls for a messenger, and another and another, sending them
each off with redundant notes reminding kids to take their medications.
Finally, after her fourth call, the messenger they send is Lev.
He must see the look on her face, because he just
stands there at the hatch not coming in. One of the other medics is there, so
Risa glares at Lev, pointing toward the back. "That way. Now!"
"I don't take orders," he says.
"That way!" she says again, even more
forcefully. "NOW!"
Apparently he does take orders after all, because he
steps in and marches toward the back of the plane. Once they reach the storage
room at the back, she closes the bulkhead door behind them and lays into him.
"What the hell are you thinking?"
His face is steel. It's the door of a safe she can't
get into. "I've never been to Alaska," he says. "I might as well
go now."
"You've barely been here a week! Why are you in
such a hum' to leave—and for a job like that?"
"I don't have to explain anything to you or to
anyone else. I raised my hand, I got chosen, and that's all."
Risa crosses her arms in defiance of his defiance.
"You don't go anywhere if I don't give you a clean bill of health. I could
tell the Admiral you've got . . . you've got. . . infectious hepatitis."
"You wouldn't!"
"Just watch me."
He storms away from her, kicking the wall in fury,
then storms back. "He won't believe you! And even if he does, you can't
keep me sick forever!"
"Why are you so determined to go?"
"There are things I have to do," Lev says.
"I don't expect you to understand. I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to
be, but I've changed. I'm not that same stupid, naive kid you guys kidnapped
two months ago. Nothing you can do will keep me from leaving here and doing
what I've got to do."
Risa says nothing, because she knows he's right. She
can stall him at best, but she can't stop him.
"So," says Lev, a bit more calmly now.
"Do I have infectious hepatitis or not?"
She sighs. "No. You don't."
He turns to leave, opening the bulkhead door. He's so
determined to move on, he doesn't even think to offer her a good-bye.
"You're wrong about one thing," she says
before he's out the door. "You're just as naive as you were before. And
maybe twice as stupid."
Then he's gone. That same afternoon, an unmarked white
van comes to take him, Mai, and the flesh-head away. Once again, Risa thinks
she'll never see Lev again. Once again, she'll be wrong.
37 Emby and the
Admiral
Emby has no idea of all the gears turning in the
Graveyard—
or even that he's one of them. His world is contained within the square panels
of his comic books and the well-defined borders of a pinball machine. Staying
within those borders has been a successful defense against the injustice and
cruelty of life outside of them.
He does not question the oddness of the trio that just
left for Alaska; it's not his business. He does not sense the tension in
Connor; Connor can take care of himself. He does not spend time wondering about
Roland; he just stays out of Roland's way.
But keeping his head down does not keep him in the
safe zone. Emby is, in fact, the central bumper on the pinball board, and every
single ball in play is about to rebound off of him.
* * *
The Admiral has called for him.
Emby now stands nervously at the entrance to what was once
the mobile command center for a president of the United States. There are two
other men here. They are in white shirts and dark ties. The black sedan that
waits at the bottom of the stairs must be theirs. The Admiral sits at his desk.
Emby tries to decide whether he should enter, or turn around and run away. But
the Admiral sees him, and his gaze freezes Emby's feet in place.
"You wanted me, sir?"
"Yes. Have a seat, Zachary."
He forces his feet to move toward the chair across
from the Admiral. "Emby," he says. "Everyone just calls me
Emby."
"Is that your choice, or theirs?" asks the
Admiral.
"Well . . . theirs, mostly—but I got
used to it."
"Never
let anyone else name you," says the Admiral. He leafs through a file with
Emby's picture clipped to the cover. It's a full file, and Emby can't imagine
how there could be enough interesting things in his life to fill a file that
thick. "You may not realize this, but you're a very special boy,"
says the Admiral.
Emby can only look down at his shoelaces, which are,
as always, moments away from coming untied. "Is that why I'm here, sir?
Because I'm special?"
"Yes, Zachary. And because of it, you're going to
be leaving us today."
Emby looks up. "What?"
"There's someone who wants to meet you. In fact,
it's someone who has been looking for you for a very long time."
"Really?"
"These men will take you there."
"Who is it?" Emby has a longstanding fantasy
that one of his parents is actually still alive. If not his mother, then his
father. He has always dreamed that his father was actually a spy—that his
death all those years ago was just the official story, and he's been off in the untamed corners of the world fighting
evil, like a real-life comic-book hero.
"It's no one you know," says the Admiral,
dashing Emby's hopes. "She's a good woman, though. Actually, she's my ex-wife."
"I ... I don't understand."
"It will be clear to you soon enough. Don't
worry."
Which, to Emby, is an open invitation to worry without
end. It makes him start to hyperventilate, which makes his bronchial tubes
begin to constrict. He starts to wheeze. The Admiral looks at him with concern.
"Are you all right?"
"Asthma," Emby says between wheezes. He
pulls out an inhaler from his pocket and takes a puff.
"Yes," says the Admiral. "My son had
asthma—he
responded very well to Xolair." He looks up at one of the men behind Emby.
"Please make sure you get some Xolair for that lung."
"Yes, Admiral Dunfee."
It takes a moment for this to bounce around on the
pegs and pins in Emby's mind before hitting his mental flippers.
"Dunfee? Your last name is Dunfee"?"
"We have no last names in the Graveyard,"
says the Admiral, then he stands and grabs Emby's hand, shaking it.
"Good-bye, Zachary. When you see my ex-wife, give her my regards."
Emby can only squeak a wordless response as the men
take him by the arms and lead him out and down toward the waiting sedan.
* * *
Once the boy is gone, Admiral Dunfee leans back in his
chair. With all the things threatening his domain, here's one thing he can be
pleased with. He allows himself a brief moment of satisfaction, glancing over
at the smiling picture of his son Harlan—better known as Humphrey in modern
folklore, but those who loved him know his real name. Yes, the Admiral is redeeming himself, and setting things
right, bit by bit by bit.
38 Mob
Emby's disappearance goes undiscovered for almost two
days, until someone takes a look at the pinball machine and notices that
something is missing.
"Where's the mouth breather?" people begin
to ask. It's not until nightfall that people start asking seriously, and by
morning it's clear that he's gone.
Some people claim they saw him wandering off into the
desert. Some people claim there was a mysterious car that took him away. Ralphy
Sherman claims he saw Emby beamed up to the mother ship to be with his own
kind. Even' suggestion is mulled over. Every theory is entertained. A search is
mounted by Emby's team. It turns up nothing.
Through all of this, the Admiral is silent.
Now Emby, the kid at the bottom of the pecking order,
has suddenly become everyone's best friend, and his disappearance fuel for
everyone's fire. Roland uses it to further his own agenda of fear—after all,
he was the one who very publicly predicted that Emby would vanish. He didn't
believe it for an instant, but now that his prediction has come true, he has
everyone's attention.
"You watch," Roland tells all those who will
listen. "The Admiral's going to show up one of these days with a nice,
thick head of Emby-hair hidden beneath his hat—and any one of us could be
next. Has he been looking at your eyes? Has he been listening to the sound of
your voice? If he wants a part of you, you'll end up just like Emby!"
He's so convincing, he almost believes it himself.
Connor has a completely different view of the situation. He's certain that
Roland did away with Emby so he could use his disappearance to gather support.
For Connor, it's more proof that Roland killed the Goldens—that he'll
stop at nothing to get what he wants.
Connor brings his suspicions to the Admiral. He
listens, but still says nothing. The Admiral knows that claiming responsibility
for Emby's absence would play right into the mania that Roland is creating. The
Admiral could tell Connor that he was the one who sent the boy away, but that
would beg questions that he has no desire to answer. He decides to let Connor
think that Roland did it—it would motivate Connor even more to find that crucial
link connecting Roland to the murders. Because now the Admiral has come to
believe in Roland's guilt as well.
"Forget the missing boy," he tells Connor.
"Concentrate on proving Roland killed the others. Someone must have helped
him—someone
must know. Right now Roland has too many supporters. We can't take him down
without hard evidence."
"Then
somehow I'll get you evidence," Connor tells him. "I'll do
it for Emby."
After Connor leaves the Admiral's jet, the Admiral
sits alone, pondering the ins and outs of the situation. Things in the
Graveyard have gotten dicey before, but dicey situations have always been the
Admiral's specialty. He's sure he can play this one to a successful conclusion,
and get everything back under his control. As he sits there in his jet, he gets
an ache in his shoulder that spreads down to his arm. No doubt it's another
manifestation of his various war wounds. He calls for a medic to bring him some
aspirin.
39 Roland
Roland opens the envelope that Hayden has just handed
him, and reads the note inside:
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. I'LL MAKE
YOU A DEAL.
MEET ME AT THE FEDEX JET.
The note isn't signed, but it doesn't have to be.
Roland knows who sent it. Connor's the only one with nerve enough to blackmail
him. The only one stupid enough. The note sets Roland's mind spinning. I know
what you did. There are quite a lot of activities Connor could be talking
about. He might know that Roland has been sabotaging the generators so he can
blame the Admiral for outrageous living conditions. Or he might know about the
bottle of ipecac he stole from the infirmary while pretending to flirt with
Risa. He was planning to use the stuff to spike the drinks, create a puke-fest,
and then blame the Admiral for giving them all food poisoning. Yes, there are
plenty of things Connor could have found out about. Roland puts the note in his
pocket, showing no emotion, and glares at Hayden. "So you're Connor's
messenger boy now?"
"Hey," says Hayden, "I'm Switzerland:
neutral as can be, and also good with chocolate."
"Get lost," Roland tells him.
"Already am." And Hayden strolls away.
It burns Roland that he might have to bargain with
Connor, but there are worse things. And after all, bargains and subterfuge are
a way of life for him. So he heads off toward the FedEx jet, making sure he
takes a knife with him—in case there's no deal to be made.
40 Connor
"I'm here," Roland calls from outside the
FedEx jet. "What do you want?"
Connor remains hidden inside the hold. He knows he's
only going to get one chance at this, so he's got to do it right. "Come
inside, and we'll talk about it."
"No, you come out."
Nice try, Connor
thinks, but this is going to be on my terms. "If you don't come in,
I'll tell everyone what I know. I'll show everyone what I found."
Silence for a moment, then he sees Roland's silhouette
as he climbs into the hold. Connor has the advantage now. His eyes have
adjusted to the dim light of the hold, and Roland's have not. He leaps forward
and firmly plants the muzzle of the Admiral's gun against Roland's back.
"Don't move."
Instinctively Roland's hands go up, as if he's been in
this position many times before. "Is this your deal?"
"Shut up." Connor uses one hand to frisk
him, finds the concealed knife, and hurls it out of the cargo hold. Satisfied,
he pushes the gun harder against Roland. "Move."
"Where am I supposed to go?"
"You know where to go. Crate 2933. Move!"
Roland begins to walk forward, squeezing between the
narrow rows of crates. Connor is conscious of every movement of Roland's body.
Even with a gun to his back, Roland is arrogant and sure of himself. "You
don't want to kill me," he says. "Everyone here likes me. If you do
anything to me, they'll tear you apart."
They reach crate 2933. "Get in," Connor
says.
That's when Roland makes his move. He spins, knocks
Connor back, and grabs for the gun. Connor expected this. He holds the gun out
of reach and, using the crate behind him for leverage, places his foot firmly
in Roland's gut and pushes him back. Roland falls backward into crate 2933. The
second he does, Connor lurches forward, slams the hatch, and seals it. While
Roland rages inside, Connor takes aim at the crate and fires the gun once, twice,
three times.
The blasts echo, blending with the terrified screams
from within the crate, and then Roland shouts, "What are you doing? Are
you insane?"
Connor's shots had been very precise; they were low,
and directed at a corner of the crate. "I've given you something your
victims never had," Connor tells him. "I've given you airholes."
Then he sits down. "Now we talk."
41 Mob
Half a mile away, a search party returns from the
desert. They didn't find Emby. Instead, they found five unmarked graves behind
a distant outcropping of rocks. In a few short minutes, word spreads through
the ranks like flames in a steady wind. The Goldens have been found, and
apparently they weren't so golden after all. Someone suggests that the Admiral
did it himself. The suggestion becomes a rumor, and the rumor quickly becomes
accepted as fact. The Admiral killed his own! He's everything Roland says he is—and, hey,
where is Roland? He's missing too? So is Connor! What has the Admiral
done to them?!
A mob of Unwinds with a hundred reasons to be angry
have all simultaneously found one more, and that's all it takes to push them
over the edge. The mob storms toward the Admiral's jet, picking up more and
more kids along the way.
42 Risa
A few minutes earlier, Risa had responded to the
Admiral's request and showed up at his jet with some aspirin. She was greeted
by the Admiral, who, as she had told Connor, didn't even know her name. Now he
chats with her, telling her that the experience she's getting here is better
than what anyone her age gets in the outside world. She tells him of her
thoughts of becoming an Army medic, and he seems pleased. He complains of
shoulder pain, and asks her for the aspirin. She gives it to him, but just to
be on the safe side, she checks his blood pressure, and he applauds her for
being so thorough.
There's some sort of commotion outside that makes it
hard for her to focus on taking the Admiral's blood pressure. Commotion is not
unusual here. Whatever it is, Risa suspects it will end with bandages and ice
packs for someone. Her work is never done.
43 Mob
Furious kids begin to arrive at the Admiral's jet.
"Get him! Get him! Pull him out!"
They climb the steel steps. The hatch is open, but
just a crack. Risa looks out at the wave of mayhem, like a human tsunami
pounding toward her.
"He's got a girl in there with him!"
The first of the kids reaches the top of the stairs
and heaves the hatch open, only to be met by Risa, and a brutal punch to the
jaw. It sends him tumbling over the side and to the ground—but there's
more where he came from.
"Don't let her close that door!"
The second kid is met by an aerosol burst of bactine
right to his eyes. The pain is excruciating. He stumbles backward into the
other kids coming up the stairs, and they tumble like dominos. Risa grabs the
hatch, swings it closed, and seals it from the inside.
Kids are on the wings now, finding every piece of
loose metal and prying it up. It's amazing how much of a plane can be shredded
by bare-handed fury.
"Break the windows! Pull them out!"
Kids on the ground throw rocks that hit their comrades
as often as they hit the jet. On the inside it sounds like a hailstorm. The
Admiral blanches at the scene outside the windows. His heart races. His
shoulder and arm ache. "How did this happen? How did I let this
happen?"
The barrage of stones batters the fuselage, but
nothing breaks the armored steel, nothing cracks the bulletproof glass of the
former Air Force One. Then someone tears out the power line connecting the jet
to its generator. The lights go out, the air-conditioning shuts down, and the
entire jet quickly begins to bake in the broiling sun.
44 Connor
"You murdered Amp, Jeeves, and the rest of the
Goldens."
"You're crazy!"
Connor sits outside crate 2933, wiping his brow in the
heat. Roland's voice comes from inside, muffled, but loud enough to hear.
"You got rid of them so you could take their
place," Connor says.
"I swear, when I get out of here, I'll—"
"You'll what? You'll kill me like you killed
them? Like you killed Emby?"
No response from Roland.
"I said I'd make you a deal," says Connor,
"and I will. If you confess, I'll make sure the Admiral spares your
life."
In response, Roland suggests Connor perform a physical
impossibility.
"Confess, Roland. It's the only way I'm letting
you out of there." Connor is sure that, if put under enough pressure,
Roland will confess to what he's done. The Admiral needs evidence, and what
better evidence than a full confession.
"I have nothing to confess to!"
"Fine," says Connor. "I can wait. I
have all day."
45 Mob
The fortress of the Admiral's jet is impenetrable. The
temperature inside is soaring past one hundred. Risa's handling the heat, but
the Admiral doesn't look too good. She still can't open the door, because the
mob is relentlessly trying to get in.
Outside, whatever kids aren't swarming over the
Admiral's jet are spreading out. If they can't get to the Admiral, then they'll
destroy everything else. The study jets, the dormitory jets, even the
recreation jet—everything is being torn apart, and whatever can burn is
set aflame. They are filled with an insatiable fury, and beneath it is a
strange joy that the anger can finally be released. And beneath the joy is more
fury.
From halfway across the Graveyard, Cleaver sees the
smoke rising in the distance, beckoning him. Cleaver is drawn to mayhem. He
must be a witness to it! He gets into his helicopter and flies toward the
angry mob.
He sets down as close to the chaos as he dares to get.
Have his deeds in any way led to this? He hopes so. He turns off the engine,
letting the blades slow, so he can hear the wonderful sounds of havoc. . . .
Then the angry Unwinds turn toward him.
"It's Cleaver! He works for the Admiral."
Suddenly, Cleaver is the center of attention. He can't
help but feel this is a good thing.
46 Connor
Roland is slowly breaking. He confesses to many
things, petty acts of vandalism and theft, that Connor couldn't care less
about. But this is going to work. It has to work. Connor has no other plan to
bring him to justice—it has to work.
"I've done a lot of things," Roland tells
him through the three bullet holes in the crate. "But I never killed
anybody!"
Connor just listens. He barely speaks to him anymore.
Connor finds the less he speaks, the more Roland does.
"How do you know they're even dead?"
"Because I buried them. Me and the Admiral."
"Then you did it!" says Roland.
"You did it, and you're trying to make me take the blame!"
Now Connor begins to see the flaw in his plan. If he
lets Roland out without a confession, then he's a dead man. But he can't keep
him in there forever. His options are now narrower than the spaces between the
crates.
Then a voice calls to them from outside. "Is
anyone there? Connor? Roland? Anybody?" It's Hayden.
"Help!" screams Roland at the top of his
lungs. "Help, he's crazy! Come in here and let me out!" But his
screams don't make it out of the hold. Connor gets up and makes his way to the
entrance. Hayden looks up at him. He's not his usual cool self, and there's a
nasty bruise on his forehead, like he was hit by something.
"Thank God! Connor, you've got to get back there!
It's nuts—you've
gotta stop it—they'll listen to you!"
"What are you talking about?"
"The Admiral killed the Goldens—and then
everyone thought he'd killed you. . . ."
"The Admiral didn't kill anybody!"
"Well, try telling them that!"
"Them who?"
"Everybody! They're tearing the place
apart!"
Connor sees the far-off smoke, and he takes a quick
glance back into the hold, deciding that, for the moment, Roland can wait. He
hops down to the ground and races off with Hayden. "Tell me everything,
from the beginning."
* * *
When Connor arrives at the scene, his mind keeps
trying to reject what his eyes are telling him. He stares, part of him hoping
the vision will go away. It's like the aftermath of some natural disaster.
Broken bits of metal, glass, and wood are everywhere. Pages torn from books
flutter past smashed electronics. Bonfires burn, and kids hurl in more wreckage
to feed the flames.
"My God!"
There's a group of jeering kids near the helicopter,
gathered like a rugby scrum, kicking something in the center. Then Connor
realizes it's not something, it's someone. He races in, pulling the kids
apart. The kids who know Connor immediately back off, and the others follow
suit. The man on the ground is battered and bloody. It's Cleaver. Connor kneels
down and props up his head.
"It's okay. You're going to be okay." But
even as he says it, Connor knows it's not true: He's been beaten to a pulp.
Cleaver grimaces, his mouth bloody. Then Connor
realizes that this isn't a grimace at all. It's a smile. "Chaos,
man," Cleaver says weakly. "Chaos. It's beautiful. Beautiful."
Connor doesn't know what to say to this. The man's
delirious. He has to be.
"It's okay," Cleaver says. "This is an
okay way to die. Better than suffocating, right?"
Connor can only stare at him. "What . . . what
did you say?" No one but Connor and the Admiral knew about the suffocations.
Connor, the Admiral, and the one who did it . . .
"You killed
the Goldens! You and Roland!"
"Roland?" says Cleaver. In spite of his
pain, he actually seems insulted. "Roland's not one of us. He doesn't even
know." Cleaver catches the look on Connor's face and begins to laugh. Then
the laugh becomes a rattle that resolves into a long, slow exhale. The grin
never entirely leaves his face. His eyes stay open, but there's nothing in
them. Just like his victim, Amp.
"Oh, crap, he's dead, isn't he," says
Hayden. "They killed him! Holy crap, they killed him!"
Connor leaves the dead pilot in the dust and storms
toward the Admiral's plane. He passes the infirmary along the way. Everything's
been torn out of there as well. Risa! Where's Risa? There are still kids
all over the Admiral's jet. The tires have been slashed; wing flaps lean at
jagged angles, like broken feathers. The entire jet lists to one side.
"Stop it!" screams Connor. "Stop it
now! What are you doing? What have you done?"
He reaches up to the wing, grabs a kid's ankle, and
pulls him off onto the ground, but he can't do that to every single one of
them. So he grabs a metal pole and smashes it against the wing over and over,
the sound ringing out like a church bell, until their attention turns his way.
"Look at you!" he screams. "You've
destroyed everything! How could you have done this? You should all be unwound,
every single one of you! YOU SHOULD ALL BE UNWOUND!"
It stops everyone. The kids on the wings, the kids at
the bonfires. The shock of hearing such words from one of their own snaps them
back to sanity. The shock of hearing his own words—and knowing
that he meant them—frightens Connor almost as much as the scene before him.
The rolling staircase leading to the Admiral's jet has
fallen on its side. "Over here!" says Connor. "Help me with
this!"
A dozen kids, their fury spent, come running
obediently. Together, they right the stairs, and Connor climbs up to the hatch.
He peers in the window. Connor can't see much. The Admiral's there on the
floor, but he's not moving. If the Admiral can't get to the door, they'll never
be able to get in. Wait—is that someone else in there with him?
Suddenly a lever is thrown on the inside, and the
hatch begins to swing open. The heat hits him instantly—a blast furnace
of heat—and the face at the door is so red and puffy, it takes a moment for him
to realize who it is.
"Risa?"
She coughs and almost collapses into his arms, but manages
to keep herself up. "I'm okay," she says. "I'm okay. But the
Admiral ..."
Together they go in and kneel beside him. He's
breathing, but it's shallow and strained. "It's the heat!" says
Connor, and orders the kids lingering at the door to swing open every hatch.
"It's not just the heat," says Risa.
"Look at his lips—they're cyanotic. And his pressure is down to
nothing."
Connor just stares at her, not comprehending.
"He's having a heart attack! I've been giving him
CPR, but
I'm not a doctor. There's only so much I can do!"
"M . . . m. . . my fault," says the Admiral.
"My fault . . ."
"Shh," says Connor. "You're going to be
okay." But Connor knows, just as he knew when he said it to Cleaver, the
chances of that are slim.
They carry the Admiral down the stairs, and as they
do, the kids waiting outside back away, making room for him, as if it's already
a coffin they're earning. They set him down in the shade of the wing.
Then kids around them begin to murmur.
"He killed the Goldens," someone says.
"The old man deserves what he gets."
Connor boils, but he's gotten much better at keeping
his anger in check. "Cleaver did it," Connor says forcefully enough
for everyone to hear. That starts a murmur through the crowd, until someone
says, "Yeah? Well, what about Emby?"
The Admiral's hand flutters up. "My . . . my son .
. ."
"Emby's
his son?" says one kid, and the rumor begins to spread through the crowd.
Whatever the Admiral meant, it's lost now in
incoherence as he slips in and out of consciousness.
"If we don't get him to a hospital, he'll
die," says Risa, giving him chest compressions once more.
Connor looks around, but the closest thing to a car on
the Graveyard is the golf cart.
"There's the helicopter," says Hayden,
"but considering the fact that the pilot's dead, I think we're
screwed."
Risa looks at Connor. He doesn't need to read Risa
for Morons to know what she's thinking. The pilot is dead—but Cleaver
was training another one. "I know what to do," says Connor.
"I'll take care of it."
Connor stands up and looks around him—the smoke-stained faces, the smoldering bonfires. After today
nothing will be the same. "Hayden," he says, "you're in charge.
Get even-thing under control."
"You're kidding me, right?"
Connor leaves Hayden to grapple with authority and
finds three of the largest kids in his field of vision. "You, you and
you," Connor says. "I need you to come with me to the FedEx
jet."
The three kids step forward and Connor leads the way
to Crate 2399, and Roland. This, Connor knows, will not be an easy
conversation.
47 First-Year
Residents
In her six months working in the emergency room, the
young doctor has seen enough strange things to fill her own medical school
textbook, but this is the first time someone has crash-landed a helicopter in
the hospital parking lot.
She races out with a team of nurses, orderlies, and
other doctors. It's a small private craft—four-seater, maybe. It's in one
piece, and its blades are still spinning. It missed hitting a parked car by
half a yard. Someone's losing their flying license.
Two kids get out, carrying an older man in bad shape.
There's already a gurney rolling out to meet them.
"We have a rooftop helipad, you know,"
"He didn't think he'd be able to land on
it," says the girl.
When the doctor looks at the pilot, still sitting behind
the controls, she realizes that losing his license is not an issue. The kid at
the controls can't be any older than seventeen. She hurries to the old man. A
stethoscope brings barely a sound from his chest cavity. Turning to the medical
staff around her, she says, "Stabilize him, and prep him for
transplant." Then she turns back to the kids. "You're lucky you
landed at a hospital with a heart bank, or we'd end up having to medevac him
across town."
Then the man's hand rises from the gurney. He grabs her
sleeve, tugging with more strength than a man in his condition should have.
"No transplant," he says.
No, don't do this to me, thinks the doctor. The orderlies hesitate. "Sir,
it's a routine operation."
"He doesn't want a transplant," says the
boy.
"You brought him in from God-knows-where with an
underage pilot to save his life, and he won't let us do it? We have an entire
tissue locker full of healthy young hearts—"
"No transplant!" says the man.
"It's . . . uh . . . against his religion,"
says the girl.
"Tell you what," says the boy. "Why
don't you do whatever they did before you had a tissue locker full of
healthy young hearts."
The doctor sighs. At least she's still close enough to
medical school to remember what that is. "It drastically lowers his
chances of survival—you know that, don't you?"
"He knows."
She gives the man a moment more to change his mind,
then gives up. The orderlies and other staff rush the man back toward the ER,
and the two kids follow.
Once they're gone, she takes a moment to catch her
breath. Someone grabs her arm, and she turns to see the young pilot, who had
been silent through all of it. The look on his face is pleading, yet
determined. She thinks she knows what it's about. She glances at the
helicopter, then at the kid. "Take it up with the FAA," she says.
"If he lives, I'm sure you'll be off the hook. They might even call you a
hero."
"I need you to call the Juvey-cops," he
says, his grip getting a little stronger.
"Excuse me?"
"Those two are runaway Unwinds. As soon as the
old man is admitted, they'll try to sneak away. Don't let them. Call the
Juvey-cops now!"
She pulls out of his grip. "All right. Fine. I'll
see what I can do."
"And when they come," he says, "make
sure they talk to me first."
She turns from him and heads back into the hospital,
pulling out her cell phone on the way. If he wants the Juvey-cops, fine, he'll
get them. The sooner they come, the sooner this whole thing can fall into the
category of "not my problem."
48 Risa
Juvey-cops always look the same. They look tired, they
look angry—they
look a lot like the Unwinds they capture. The cop who now guards Risa and
Connor is no exception. He sits blocking the door of the doctor's office
they're being held in, with two more guards on the other side of the door just
in case. He's content to stay silent, while another cop questions Roland in an
adjacent room. Risa doesn't even want to guess at the topics of conversation in
there.
"The man we brought in," Risa says.
"How is he?"
"Don't know," says the cop. "You know
hospitals—they
only tell those things to next of kin, and I guess that's not you."
Risa won't dignify that with a response. She hates
this Juvey-cop instinctively, just because of who he is, and what he
represents.
"Nice socks," Connor says.
The cop does not glance down at his socks. No show of
weakness here. "Nice ears," he says to Connor. "Mind if I try
them on sometime?"
The way Risa sees it, there are two types of people
who become Juvey-cops. Type one: bullies who want to spend their lives reliving
their glory days of high school bullying. Type two: the former victims of type
ones, who see every Unwind as the kid who tormented them all those years ago. Type
twos are endlessly shoveling vengeance into a pit that will never be full.
Amazing that the bullies and victims can now work together to bring misery to
others.
"How does it feel to do what you do?" she
asks him. "Sending kids to a place that ends their lives."
Obviously he's heard all this before. "How does
it feel to live a life no one else feels is worth living?"
It's a harsh blow designed to get her to shut up. It
works.
"I feel her life is worth living," says
Connor, and he takes her hand. "Anyone feel that way about you?"
It gets to the man—although he tries not to show it.
"You both had more than fifteen years to prove yourselves, and you didn't.
Don't blame the world for your own lousy choices."
Risa can sense Connor's rage, and she squeezes his
hand until she hears him take a deep breath and release it, keeping his anger
under control.
"Doesn't it ever occur to you Unwinds that you
might be better off—happier even—in a divided state?"
"Is that how you rationalize it?" says Risa,
"Making yourself believe we'll be happier?"
"Hey, if that's the case," says Connor,
"maybe everyone should get unwound. Why don't you go first?"
The cop glares at Connor, then takes a quick glance
down at his socks, Connor snickers.
Risa closes her eyes for a moment, trying to see some
ray of light in this situation, but she can't. She had known getting caught was
a possibility when they came here. She knew that being out in the world was a
risk. What surprised her was how quickly the Juvey-cops had descended on them.
Even with their unorthodox entrance, they should have had enough time to slip
away in the confusion. Whether the Admiral lives or dies, it won't change
things for her or for Connor now. They are going to be unwound. All her hopes
of a future have been torn away from her again—and having those hopes, even
briefly, makes this far more painful than not having had them at all.
49 Roland
The Juvey-cop questioning Roland has eyes that don't
exactly match, and a sour smell, like his deodorant soap hadn't quite worked.
Like his partner in the other room, the man is not easily impressed, and
Roland, unlike Connor, doesn't have the wits to rattle him. That's all right,
though, because rattling him is not what Roland has in mind.
Roland's plan began to take shape shortly after Connor
released him from the crate. He could have torn Connor limb from limb at the
time, but Connor had three kids equal in size and strength to Roland to back
him up. They were kids who should have been on Roland's side. Should have
been. It was his first indication that everything had drastically changed.
Connor told him about the riot, and about Cleaver. He
offered a lame apology for accusing him of killing the Goldens—an apology
that Roland refused to accept. Had Roland been at the riot, it would have been
organized and successful. If he had been there, it would have been a revolt,
not a riot. By locking Roland away,
Connor had robbed him of the chance to lead.
When they had arrived back at the scene of the riot,
all focus was on Connor; all questions were directed to him. He was telling
everyone what to do, and they were all listening. Even Roland's closest friends
cast their eyes down when they saw him. He instinctively knew that all his
support was gone. His absence from the disaster had made him an outsider, and
he would never regain what he had lost here—which meant it was time to devise a
new plan of action.
Roland agreed to fly the helicopter to save the Admiral's
life, not because he had any desire to see the man live, but because taking
that flight provided a new door of opportunity. . . .
"I'm curious," says the sour-smelling cop.
"Why would you turn in the other two kids when it means turning yourself
in as well?"
"There's a reward of five hundred dollars for
turning in a runaway Unwind, right:"
He smirks. "Well, that's fifteen hundred, if
you're including yourself."
Roland looks the Juvey-cop in the eye—no shame,
no fear—and boldly presents his offer. "What if I told you I know where
there are more than four hundred AWOL Unwinds? What if I helped you take down a
whole smuggling operation? What would that be worth?"
The cop seems to freeze in place, and he regards
Roland closely. "All right," he says. "You have my
attention."
50 Connor
He's lasted longer than anyone expected. This is the
consolation Connor must hold on to as the cop and two armed guards escort him
and Risa into the room where Roland is being interrogated. By the smug look on
Roland's face, however, Connor suspects it wasn't so much an interrogation as a
negotiation.
"Please, sit down," says the cop sitting on
the edge of a desk near Roland. Roland won't look at them. He won't even
acknowledge their presence in the room. He just leans back in his chair. He'd
fold his arms if the handcuffs allowed it.
The cop wastes no time in getting right to business.
"Your friend here had quite a lot to say—and offered us a very interesting
deal. His freedom, in exchange for four hundred Unwinds. He's volunteered to
tell us exactly where they are."
Connor knew
Roland would give him and Risa up, but giving up all of them—that's a new low
for Roland. He still won't look at them, but his smug expression seems to have
grown a little harder.
"Four hundred, huh?" says the second cop.
"He's lying," says Risa, her voice
remarkably convincing. "He's trying to trick you. It's just the three of
us."
"Actually," says the cop on the desk,
"he's telling the truth—although we're surprised the number's at four hundred. We
thought there'd be at least six hundred by now, but I guess they keep on
turning eighteen."
Roland regards him, uncertain. "What?"
"Sorry to tell you this, but we know all about
the Admiral and the Graveyard," the cop says. "We've known about it
for more than a year."
The second cop chuckles, amused by the dumbfounded
look on Roland's face. "But . . . but . . ."
"But why don't we round them up?" says the
cop, anticipating Roland's question. "Look at it this way. The Admiral— he's like
that neighborhood stray cat that nobody likes but no one wants to get rid of
because he takes care of the rats. See, runaway Unwinds on the street—that's a
problem for us. But the Admiral gets them
off the street and keeps them in that little desert ghetto of his. He doesn't
know it, but he's doing us a favor. No more rats."
"Of course," says the second cop, "if
the old man dies, we may have to go in there and clean the place out after
all."
"No!" says Risa. "Someone else can take
over!" +
The second cop shrugs as if it's nothing to him.
"Better be a good mouser."
While Roland can only stare incredulously as his plan
crumbles, Connor feels relief, and maybe even a bit of hope. "So, then
you'll let us go back?"
The cop on the desk picks up a file. "I'm afraid
I can't do that. It's one thing to look the other way, but quite another to
release a criminal." Then he begins to read. "Connor Lassiter.
Scheduled to be unwound the 21st of November—until you went AWOL. You caused an
accident that killed a bus driver, left dozens of others injured, and shut down
an interstate highway for hours. Then, on top of it, you took a hostage and shot
a Juvey-cop with his own tranq gun."
Roland looks at the cop in awe. "He's the
Akron AWOL?!"
Connor glances at Risa, then back at the cop.
"Fine. I admit it. But she had nothing to do with it! Let her go!"
The cop shakes his head, scanning the file.
"Witnesses say she was an accomplice. I'm afraid there's only one place
she's going. Same place as you: the nearest harvest camp."
"But what about me?" asks Roland. "I
had nothing to do with any of that!"
The cop closes the file. "Ever hear of 'guilt by
association?" he asks Roland. "You should be more careful with the
company you keep." Then he signals for the guards to take all three of
them away.
Part Six
Unwound
For your case and peace of mind, there are a variety of harvest camps
to choose from. Each facility is privately owned, state licensed, and federally
funded by your tax dollars. Regardless of the site you choose, you can feel
confident that your Unwind will receive the finest possible care from our
board-certified staff as they make their transition to a divided state.
—From The Parents'
Unwinding Handbook
51 Camp
On the existence of a soul, whether unwound or unborn,
people are likely to debate for hours on end, but no one questions whether an
unwinding facility has a soul. It does not. Perhaps that's why those who build
these massive medical factories try so hard to make them kid-conscious and
user-friendly, in a number of ways.
First of all, they are no longer called unwinding
facilities, as they were when they were first conceived. They are now called
harvest camps.
Secondly, every single one of them is located in a
spectacularly scenic location, perhaps to remind its guests of the big
picture, and the reassuring majesty of a larger plan.
Third, the grounds are as well maintained as a resort,
filled with bright pastel colors and as little red as possible, since red is
psychologically associated with anger, aggression, and, not coincidentally,
blood.
Happy Jack Harvest Camp, in beautiful Happy Jack,
Arizona, is the perfect model of what a harvest camp should be. Nestled on a
pine-covered ridge in northern Arizona, the sedating forest views give way to
the breathtaking red mountains of Sedona to the west. No doubt it was the view
that made happy men of the twentieth century lumberjacks who founded the town.
Hence the name.
The boys' dormitory is painted light blue, with green
accents. The girls' is lavender, with pink. The staff have uniforms that
consist of comfortable shorts and Hawaiian shirts, except for the surgeons in
the medical unit. Their scrubs are sunshine yellow.
There's a barbed-wire fence, but it's hidden behind a towering
hibiscus hedge—and although the Unwinds in residence see the crowded
buses arriving at the front gate each day, they are spared the sight of
departing trucks. Those leave the back way.
The average stay for an Unwind is three weeks,
although it varies depending on blood type and supply and demand. Much like
life in the outside world, no one knows when it's their time.
Occasionally, in spite of the professional and
positive attitude of the staff, outbursts do occur. This week's rebellion is
in the form of graffiti on the side of the medical clinic that reads, YOU'RE
NOT FOOLING ANYONE.
* * *
On the fourth of February, three kids arrive by police
escort. Two are brought unceremoniously into the welcome center, just like any
other arriving Unwinds. The third is singled out to take the longer route that
passes by the dormitories, the sports fields, and all the various places where
Unwinds are gathered.
Hobbled by leg shackles, constricted by handcuffs,
Connor's strides are short, his posture hunched. Armed Juvey-cops are on either
side, in front of and behind him.
All things at Happy Jack are serene and gracious—but this
moment is the exception to the rule. Once in a while, a particularly
troublesome Unwind is singled out and publicly humbled for all to see before
being set loose into the general population. Invariably, that Unwind will try
to rebel and, invariably, that Unwind will be taken to the clinic and unwound
within just a few days of his or her arrival.
It stands as an unspoken warning to every Unwind
there. You will get with the program, or your stay here will be very, very
short. The lesson is always learned.
However, this time, what the Happy Jack staff doesn't know
is that Connor Lassiter's reputation has preceded him. The staff's own
announcement that they've taken down the Akron AWOL does not deflate the
spirits of the Unwinds there. Instead, it takes a boy who was only a rumor and
turns him into a legend.
52 Risa
"Before we begin our session, I feel it's
important to remind you that although you've developed a friendship with the
so-called Akron AWOL, it's in your best interests to dissociate yourself from
him."
The first thing they did was to separate the three of
them. Divide and conquer, isn't that the term? Risa has no problem being
separated from Roland, but seeing what they did to Connor makes her long to see
him even more. Physically, he was not harmed in any way. It would not do to
damage the merchandise. Psychologically, however, that's a different story.
They paraded him through the grounds for nearly twenty minutes. Then they took
off his shackles and just left him there by the flagpole. No trip to the "welcome
center," no orientation, nothing. He was left to figure everything out for
himself. Risa knew the point wasn't to challenge him, or even to punish him. It
was to give him every opportunity to do the wrong thing. That way, they could
justify any punishment they gave. It had worried Risa, but only for a moment—because she
knows Connor all too well. He will only do the wrong thing when it's the right
thing to do.
"It looks like you did very well on the aptitude
tests, Risa— above average, actually. Good for you!"
After being there for half a day, Risa is still
shell-shocked by the general appearance of Happy Jack Harvest Camp. In her
mind's eye she always pictured harvest camps as human cattle stockades:
dead-eyed crowds of malnourished kids in small gray cells—a nightmare
of dehumanization. Yet somehow this picturesque nightmare is worse. Just as
the airplane graveyard was Heaven disguised as Hell, harvest camp is Hell
masquerading as Heaven.
"You seem to be in good physical condition.
You've been getting a lot of exercise, yes? Running, perhaps?"
Exercise seems to be a principal component of the
Unwind's day. At first she assumed the various activities were designed to keep
the Unwinds occupied until their number came up. Then, as she passed a
basketball game on the way to the welcome center, she noticed a totem pole by
the court. In the eyes of each of the five totems were cameras. Ten players,
ten cameras. It meant that someone, somewhere, was studying each of the Unwinds
in that game, taking notes on eye-hand coordination, gauging the strengths of
various muscle groups. Risa had quickly realized that the basketball game
wasn't to keep the Unwinds entertained, but to help put a cash value on their
parts.
"Over the next few weeks you'll be involved in a
program of diverse activities. Risa, dear, are you listening? Is any of this
going over your head—would you like me to slow down?"
The harvest counselor who interviews her seems to
assume that, in spite of aptitude scores, every Unwind must be an imbecile. The
woman wears a floral print blouse with lots of leaves and pink flowers. Risa
would like to attack her with a weed whacker.
"Do you have any questions or concerns, dear? If
you do, there's no better time to ask."
"What happens to the bad parts?"
The question seems to throw the woman off stride.
"Excuse me?"
"You know—the bad parts. What do you do with
the club feet, and the deaf ears? Do you use those in transplants?"
"You don't have either of those, do your"
"No—but I do have an appendix. What
happens to that?"
"Well," says the counselor with near
infinite patience, "a deaf ear is better than no ear at all, and sometimes
it's all people can afford. And as for your appendix, nobody really needs that
anyway.”
"Then, aren't you breaking the law? Doesn't the
law specify that you have to keep 100 percent of an Unwind alive?"
The smile has begun to fade from the counselor's face.
"Well, actually it's 99.44 percent, which takes into account things like
the appendix."
“I see.”
"Our next bit of business is your preadmission
questionnaire. Due to your unorthodox arrival, you never had the opportunity
to fill one out." She flips through the pages of the questionnaire.
"Most of the questions don't matter at this point . . . but if you have
any special skills you'd like to let us know about—you know,
things that could be of use to the community during your stay here . . ."
Risa wishes she could just get up and leave. Even now,
at the end of her life, she still has to face that inevitable question, What
good are you?
"I have some medical experience," Risa tells
her flatly. "First aid, CPR."
The woman smiles apologetically. "Well, if
there's one thing we have too many of here, it's medical staff." If the woman
says "well" one more time, Risa may just drop her down a nice deep
one. "Anything else?"
"I helped in the infant nursery back at
StaHo."
Again that slim smile. "Sorry. No babies here. Is
that all?"
Risa sighs. "I also studied classical
piano."
The woman's eyebrows raise about an inch.
"Really? You play piano? Well, well, well!"
53 Connor
Connor wants to fight. He wants to mistreat the staff
and disobey every rule, because he knows if he does, it will get this over
with faster. But he won't give in to the urge for two reasons. One: It's
exactly what they want him to do. And two: Risa. He knows how it will devastate
her to see him led to the Chop Shop. That's what the kids call it, "the
Chop Shop"— although they never say it in front of the staff.
Connor is a celebrity in his dormitory. He finds it
absurd and surreal that the kids here see him as some sort of symbol, when all
he did was survive.
"It can't be all true, right?" the kid who
sleeps in the bed next to his asks the first night. "I mean, you didn't really
take on an entire squad of Juvey-cops with their own tranq guns."
"No! It's not true," Connor tells him, but
denying it just makes the kid believe it even more.
"They didn't really shut down entire
freeways looking for you," another kid says.
"It was just one freeway—and they
didn't shut it down. I did. Sort of."
"So, then it is true!"
It's no use—no amount of downplaying the story
can convince the others that the Akron AWOL is not some larger-than-life
action figure.
And then there's Roland, who as much as he despises
Connor, is now riding Connor's fame wave for all it's worth. Although Roland's
in another unit, wild stories are already getting back to Connor about how he
and Roland stole a helicopter and liberated a hundred Unwinds being held in a
Tucson hospital. Connor considers telling them that all Roland did was turn
them in, but decides life is literally too short to start things up with Roland
again.
There's one kid Connor speaks to who actually listens
and can tell the truth from the fabrications. His name is Dalton. He's
seventeen but short and stocky, with hair that has a mind of its own. Connor
tells him exactly what happened on that day he went AWOL. It's a relief to have
someone believe the truth. Dalton, however, has his own perspective on it.
"Even if that's all that happened," Dalton
says, "it's still pretty impressive. It's what the rest of us wish we
could have done."
Connor has to admit that he's right.
"You're, like, king of the Unwinds here,"
Dalton tells him, "but guys like you get unwound real quick—so watch
yourself." Then Dalton takes a long look at him. "You scared?"
he asks.
Connor wishes he could tell him different, but he
won't lie. "Yeah."
He seems almost relieved that Connor's scared too.
"In group they tell us that the fear will pass and we'll get to a place of
acceptance. I've been here almost six months, and I'm just as scared as the day
I got here."
"Six months? I thought everyone goes down in just
a few weeks."
Dalton leans in close and whispers, as if it's
dangerous information. "Not if you're in the band."
A band? The thought of there being music at a place
where lives are silenced doesn't sit well with Connor.
"They set us up on the roof of the Chop Shop and
have us play while they're bringing kids in," Dalton says. "We play
everything—classics,
pop, Old World rock. I'm the best bass player
this place has ever seen." And then he grins. "You should come listen
to us tomorrow. We just got a new keyboard player. She's hot."
* * *
Volleyball in the morning. Connor's first official
activity. Several staffers in their rainbow of flowered shirts stand on the
sidelines with clipboards, because apparently the volleyball court isn't
equipped with twelve individual cameras. From behind them, on the roof of the
chop shop, music plays. Dalton's band. It's their sound track for the morning.
The opposing team completely deflates when they see
Connor, as if his mere presence will ensure their loss. Never mind that Connor
stinks at volleyball; to them the Akron AWOL is a star in even' sport. Roland's
on the opposing team as well. He doesn't wilt like the others—he just
glares, holding the volleyball, ready to serve it down Connor's throat.
The game begins. The intensity of play can only be
matched by an undercurrent of fear that runs beneath even tap of the
ball. Both teams play as if the losers will be immediately unwound. Dalton had
told Connor that it doesn't work that way, but losing can't help, either. It
reminds Connor of the Mayan game of pokatok—something he learned about in history
class. The game was a lot like basketball, except that the losers were
sacrificed to the Mayan gods. At the time Connor thought it was cool.
Roland spikes the ball, and it hits one of the
staffers in the face. Roland grins before he apologizes and the man glares at
him, making a note on his clipboard. Connor wonders if it will cost Roland a
few days.
Then suddenly, the game pauses, because everyone's
attention begins to shift to a group of kids in white, passing the far side of
the court.
"Those are tithes," a kid tells Connor.
"You know what those are, right?"
Connor nods. "I know."
"Look at them. They think they're so much better
than everyone else."
Connor has already heard how tithes are treated
differently than the regular population. "Tithes" and
"Terribles," that's how the staff refers to the two kinds of Unwinds.
Tithes don't participate in the same activities as the terribles. They don't
wear the same blue and pink uniforms the terribles wear. Their white silk
outfits are so bright in the Arizona sun, you have to squint your eyes when you
look at them, like they were adolescent versions of God himself—although to
Connor they look more like a little squad of aliens. The terribles hate the
tithes the way peasants despise royalty. Connor might have once felt the same
way, but having known one, he feels more sorry for them than anything else.
"I hear they know the exact date and time of
their unwinding," one kid says.
"I hear they actually make their own appointment!"
says another.
The ref blows his whistle, "All right, back to
the game."
They turn away from the bright white uniforms of the
chosen few, and add one more layer of frustration to the match.
For a moment, as the tithes disappear over a hillside,
Connor thinks that he recognizes a face among them, but he knows it's just his
imagination.
54 Lev
It's not Connor's imagination.
Levi Jedediah Calder is one of the very special guests
of Happy Jack Harvest Camp, and he is wearing his tithing whites once more. He
does not see Connor on the volleyball court because the tithes are strictly
instructed not to look at the terribles. Why should they? They have been told
from birth they are of a different caste and have a higher calling.
Lev may still have the remnants of a sunburn, but his
hair is cut short and neat, just as it used to be, and his manner is sensitive
and mild. At least on the outside.
He has an appointment for unwinding in thirteen days.
55 Risa
She plays on the roof of the Chop Shop, and her music
carries across the fields to the ears of more than a thousand souls waiting to
go under the knife. The joy of having her fingers on the keys again can only be
matched by the horror of knowing what's going on beneath her feet.
From her vantage point on the roof she sees them
brought down the maroon flagstone path that all the kids call "the red
carpet." Kids who walk the red carpet have guards flanking them on either
side, with firm grips on their upper arms—firm enough to restrain them, but
not enough to bruise them.
Yet in spite of this, Dalton and the rest of his band
play like it doesn't matter at all.
"How can you do this?" she asks during one
of their breaks. "How can you watch them day after day, going in and never
coming out?"
"You get used to it," the drummer tells her,
taking a swig of water. "You'll see."
"I won't! I can't!" She thinks about Connor.
He doesn't have this same reprieve from unwinding. He doesn't stand a chance.
"I can't be an accomplice to what they're doing!"
"Hey," says Dalton, getting annoyed.
"This is survival here, and we do what we have to do to survive! You got
chosen because you can play, and you're good. Don't throw it away. Either you
get used to kids walking down the red carpet or you'll be on it yourself, and
we'll have to play for you."
Risa gets the message, but it doesn't mean she has to
like it. "Is that what happened to your last keyboard player?" Risa
asks. She can tell it's a subject they'd rather not think about. They look at
one another. No one wants to take on the question. Then the lead singer answers
with a nonchalant toss of her hair, like it doesn't matter. "Jack was
about to turn eighteen, so they took him a week before his birthday."
"He was not a very happy Jack," says the
drummer, and hits a rim shot.
"That's it?" says Risa. "They just took
him?"
"Business is business," says the lead
singer. "They lose a ton of money if one of us turns eighteen, because
then they've got to let us go."
"I've got a plan, though," says Dalton,
winking at the others, who have obviously heard this before. "When I'm
getting close to eighteen, and they're ready to come for me, I'm jumping right
off this roof."
"You're going to kill yourself?"
"I hope not—it's only two stories, but I'll
sure get busted up real bad. See, they can't unwind you like that; they have to
wait until you heal. By then I'll be eighteen and they will be screwed!"
He high-fives the drummer, and they laugh. Risa can only stare in
disbelief.
"Personally," says the lead singer,
"I'm counting on them lowering the legal age of adulthood to seventeen. If
they do, I'll go to the staffers and counselors, and the friggin' doctors. I'll
spit right in their faces—and they
won't be able to do anything but let me walk right out that gate on my own two
legs."
Then the guitar player, who hasn't said a word all
morning, picks up his instrument.
"This one's for Jack," he says, and begins
playing the opening chords to the prewar classic "Don't Fear the
Reaper."
The rest of them join in, playing from the heart, and
Risa does her best to keep her eyes away from the red carpet.
56 Connor
The dormitories are divided into units. There are
thirty kids per unit—thirty beds in a long, thin room with large shatterproof
windows to bring in the cheerful light of day. As Connor prepares for dinner he
notices that two beds in his unit have been stripped, and the kids who slept in
them are nowhere to be seen. Everyone notices but no one talks about it, except
one kid who takes one of the bunks because his mattress has broken springs.
"Let a newbie have the broken one," he says.
"I'm gonna be comfortable my last week."
Conner can't remember either the names or the faces of
the missing kids, and that haunts him. The whole day weighs heavily on him—the way the
kids think he can somehow save them, when he knows he can't even save himself.
The way the staff keeps waiting for him to make a mistake. His one joy is
knowing that Risa is safe, at least for now.
He had seen her after lunch when he stopped to watch
the band. He had been searching for her everywhere, and all that time she was
right there in plain view, playing her heart out. She had told him she played
piano, but he never gave it much thought. She's amazing, and now he wishes he
had taken more time to get to know who she was before she escaped from that
bus. When she saw him watching that afternoon, she smiled—something she rarely did. But the smile was quickly
replaced by a look that registered the reality. She was up there, and he was
down here.
Connor spends so much time with his thoughts in the
dormitory that, when he looks up, he realizes that everyone in the unit has
already left for dinner. As he gets up to leave, he sees someone lurking at the
door and stops short. It's Roland.
"You're not supposed to be here," Connor
says.
"No, I'm not," says Roland, "but thanks
to you, I am."
"That's not what I mean. If you get caught out of
your unit, it's a mark against you. They'll unwind you sooner."
"Nice of you to care."
Connor heads for the doorway, but Roland blocks his
path. For the first time Connor notices that in spite of Roland's muscular
build, they're not all that different in height. Connor always thought Roland
towered over him. He doesn't. Connor prepares himself for whatever Roland might
have up his sleeve and says, "If you're here for a reason, get on with it.
Otherwise, step aside so I can get to dinner."
The look on Roland's face is so toxic it could take
out an entire unit. "I could have killed you a dozen times. I should have—because
then we wouldn't be here."
"You turned us in at the hospital," Connor
reminds him. "If you hadn't done that, we wouldn't be here.
We all would've made it safely back to the Graveyard!"
"What Graveyard? There's nothing left. You locked
me in that crate and let them all destroy it! I would have stopped it, but you
never gave me the chance!"
"If you were there, you would have found a way to
kill the Admiral yourself. Hell, you would have killed the Goldens if they
weren't already dead! That's what you are! That's who you are!"
Roland suddenly gets very quiet, and Connor knows he's
gone too far.
"Well, if I'm a killer, I'm running out of
time," says Roland. "I better get to it." He begins swinging,
and Connor is quick to defend, but soon it's more than just defending himself.
Connor taps into his own wellspring of fury, and he lets loose a brutal offensive
of his own.
It's the fight they never had in the warehouse. It's
the fight Roland wanted when he had cornered Risa in the bathroom. Roth of them
fuel their fists with a world's worth of anger. They smash against walls and
bedframes, relentlessly pummel-ing each other. Connor
knows this is not like any fight he's ever had before, and although Roland
doesn't have a weapon, he doesn't need one. He's his own weapon.
As well as Connor fights, Roland is simply stronger,
and as Connor's strength begins to fade, Roland grabs him by the throat and
slams him against the wall, his hand pressed against Connor's windpipe. Connor
struggles, but Roland's grip is way too strong. He slams Connor against the
wall over and over, never loosening that grip on his neck.
"You call me a killer, but you're the only
criminal here!" screams Roland. "I didn't take a hostage! I didn't
shoot a Juvey-cop! And I never killed anyone! Until now!" Then he squeezes
his fingers together and shuts off Connor's windpipe completely.
Connor's struggles become weaker without oxygen to
feed his muscles. His chest heaves against the absence of air, and his vision
begins to darken until all he can see is Roland's furious grimace. Would
you rather die, or be unwound? Now he finally knows the answer. Maybe this
is what he wanted. Maybe it's why he stood there and taunted Roland. Because
he'd rather be killed with a furious hand than dismembered with cool
indifference.
Connor's eyesight fills with frantic squiggles, the
darkness closes in, and his consciousness fails.
But only for an instant.
Because in a moment his head hits the ground,
startling him conscious again—and when his vision starts to clear he sees Roland looking
down on him. He's just standing there, staring. To Connor's amazement, there
are tears in Roland's eyes that he tries to hide behind his anger, but they're
still there. Roland looks at the hand that came so close to taking Connor's
life. He wasn't able to go through with it—and he seems just as surprised as
Connor.
"Consider yourself lucky," Roland says. Then
he leaves without another word.
Connor can't tell whether Roland is disappointed or
relieved that he's not the killer he thought he was, but Connor suspects it's a
little bit of both.
57 Lev
The tithes at Happy Jack are like first-class
passengers on the Titanic. There's plush furniture throughout the
tithing house. There's a theater, a pool, and the food is better than homemade.
Sure, their fate is the same as the "terribles," but at least they're
getting there in style.
It's after dinner, and Lev is alone in the tithing
house workout room. He stands on a treadmill that isn't moving, because he
hasn't turned it on. On his feet are thickly padded running shoes. He wears a
double pair of socks to cushion his feet even more. However, his feet are not
his concern at the moment—it's his hands. He stands there staring at his hands, lost
in the prospect of them. Never before has he been so intrigued by the lines
across his palms. Isn't one of them supposed
to be a life line? Shouldn't the life line of a tithe divide out like the
branches of a tree? Lev looks at the swirls of his fingerprints. What a
nightmare of identification it must be when other people get an Unwind's hands.
What can fingerprints mean when they're not necessarily yours?
No one will be getting Lev's fingerprints. He knows
this for a fact.
There are tons of activities for the tithes, but
unlike the terribles, no one is forced to participate. Part of preparation for
tithing is a monthlong regimen of mental and physical assessments even before
one's tithing party, so all the hard work is done at home, before they get
here. True, this isn't the harvest camp he and his parents had chosen, but he's
a tithe—
it's a lifetime pass that's good anywhere.
Most of the other tithes are in the rec room at this
time of the evening, or in any number of prayer groups. There are pastors of
all faiths in the tithing house—ministers, priests, rabbis, and clerics—because that notion
of giving the finest of the flock back to God is a tradition as old as religion
itself.
Lev attends as often as necessary, and in Bible study
he says just enough of the right things so as not to look suspect. He also
keeps his silence when Bible passages become shredded to justify unwinding,
and kids start to see the face of God in the fragments.
"My uncle got the heart of a tithe and now people
say he can perform miracles."
"I know this woman who got a tithe's ear. She
heard a baby crying a block away, and rescued it from a fire!"
"We are Holy Communion."
"We are manna from Heaven."
"We are the piece of God in everyone."
Amen.
Lev recites prayers, trying to let them transform him
and lift him up like they used to, but his heart has been hardened. He wishes
it could be hard enough to be diamond instead of crumbling jade—maybe then
he'd have chosen a different path. But for who he is now, for what he feels and
what he doesn't feel, the path is right. And if it's not right, well, he
doesn't care enough to change it.
The other tithes know Lev is different. They've never
seen a fallen tithe before, much less one who, like the prodigal son, has
renounced his sins and returned to the fold. But then, tithes don't generally
know many other tithes. Being surrounded by so many kids just like them feeds
that sense of being a chosen group. Still, Lev is outside of that circle.
He turns the treadmill on, making sure his strides are
steady and his footfalls as gentle as can be. The treadmill is
state-of-the-art. It has a screen with a programmable vista: You can jog
through the woods, or run the New York Marathon. You can even walk on water.
Lev was prescribed extra exercise when he arrived a week ago. That first day,
his blood tests showed high triglyceride levels. He's sure that Mai's and
Blaine's blood tests showed the same problem as well— although
the three of them were "captured" independently and arrived a few
days apart from one another, so no connection among the three of them could be
made.
"Either it runs in your family or you've had a
diet high in fats," the doctor had said. He prescribed a low-fat diet
during his stay at Happy Jack, and suggested additional exercise. Lev knows
there's another reason for the high triglyceride level. It's not actually
triglyceride in his bloodstream at all, but a similar compound. One that's a
little less stable.
Another boy enters the workout room. He has fine hair
so blond it's practically white, and eyes so green, there must have been some
genetic manipulation involved. Those eyes will go for a high price. "Hi,
Lev." He gets on the treadmill next to Lev and begins running.
"What's up?"
"Nothing. Just running."
Lev knows the kid didn't come here of his own accord.
Tithes are never supposed to be left alone. He was sent here to be Lev's buddy.
"Candlelighting will be starting soon. Are you
coming?"
Every evening, a candle is lit for each tithe being
unwound the next day. The honored kids each give a speech. Everyone applauds.
Lev finds it disgusting. "I'll be there," Lev tells the kid.
"Have you started working on your speech
yet?" he asks. "I'm almost done with mine."
"Mine's still in bits and pieces," Lev says.
The joke goes over the kid's head. Lev turns off the machine. This kid will not
leave him alone as long as he's here, and Lev really doesn't want to talk to
him about the glory of being a chosen one. He'd rather think about those who
aren't chosen, and are lucky enough to be far from the harvest camp—like Risa
and Connor, who to the best of his knowledge are still in the sanctuary of the
Graveyard. It's a big comfort to know that their lives will continue even
after he's gone.
* * *
There's an old trash shed behind the dining room
that's no longer in use. Lev found it last week, and decided it was the perfect
place for secret meetings. When he arrives that evening, Mai is pacing in the
small space. She's been getting more and more nervous each day. "How long
are we going to wait?" she asks.
"Why are you in such a hum'?" Lev asks.
"We'll wait until the time is right."
Blaine pulls out six small paper packets from his
sock, tears one open, and pulls out a little round Band-Aid.
"What's that for?" Mai asks.
"For me to know and for you to find out."
"You're so immature!"
Mai always has a short fuse, especially when it comes
to Blaine, but tonight there seems to be more rumbling beneath the surface of
her attitude. "What's wrong, Mai?" Lev asks.
Mai takes a moment before answering. "I saw this
girl today playing piano on the Chop Shop roof. I know her from the Graveyard—and
she knows me."
"That's impossible. If she's from the Graveyard,
why would she be here?" asks Blaine.
"I know what I saw—and I think there are other
kids here I know from the Graveyard too. What if they recognize us?"
Blaine and Mai look to Lev as if he can explain it.
Actually, he can. "They must be kids who were sent out on a job and got
caught, that's all."
Mai relaxes. "Yeah. Yeah, that must be it."
"If they recognize us," says Blaine,
"we can say the same thing happened to us."
"There," says Lev. "Problem
solved."
"Good," says Blaine. "Back to business.
So . . . I'm thinking we go for the day after tomorrow, on account of I'm scheduled for a
game of football the day after that, and I don't think it'll go very
well."
Then he hands two of the little Band-Aids to Mai and
two to Lev.
"What do we need Band-Aids for?" Mai asks.
"I was told to give these to you after we got
here." Blaine dangles one from his fingers, like a little flesh-colored
leaf. "They're not Band-Aids," he says. "They're
detonators."
* * *
There was never a job on an Alaskan pipeline. After
all, what Unwind would volunteer for such a job? The whole point was to make
sure no one but Lev, Mai, and Blaine volunteered. Their van had taken them from
the Graveyard to a run-down house, in a run-down neighborhood where people who
had been run down by life plotted unthinkable deeds.
Lev was terrified of these people, and yet he felt a
kinship with them. They understood the misery of being betrayed by life. They
understood what it felt like to have less than nothing inside you. And when
they told Lev how important he was in the scheme of things, Lev felt, for the
first time in a long time, truly important.
The word "evil" was never used by these
people—except
to describe the evils of what the world had done to them. What they were asking
Lev, Mai, and Blaine to do wasn't evil—no, no, no, not at all. It was an
expression of all the things they felt inside. It was the spirit, and the
nature, and the manifestation of all they had become. They weren't just
messengers, they were the message. This is what they filled Lev's mind with,
and it was no different than the deadly stuff they filled his blood with. It
was twisted. It was wrong. And yet it suited Lev just fine.
"We have no cause but chaos," Cleaver, their
recruiter, was always so fond of saying. What Cleaver never realized, even at
the end of his life, is that chaos is as compelling a cause as any other. It
can even become a religion to those unlucky enough to be baptized into it,
those whose consolation can only be found in its foul waters.
Lev does not know of Cleaver's fate. He does not know,
or care, that he himself is being used. All Lev knows is that someday soon the
world will suffer a small part of the loss and the emptiness and the utter
disillusionment he feels inside. And they will know the moment he raises his
hands in applause.
58 Connor
Connor eats his breakfast as quickly as he can. It's
not because he's hungry but because he has somewhere else he wants to be.
Risa's breakfast hour is right before his. If she's slow, and he's quick, they
can force their paths to cross without attracting the attention of the Happy
Jack staff.
They meet in the girls' bathroom. The last time they
were forced to meet in a place like this, they took separate, isolated stalls.
Now they share one. They hold each other in the tight space, making no excuses
for it. There's no time left in their lives for games, or for awkwardness, or
for pretending they don't care about each other, and so they kiss as if
they've done it forever. As if it is as crucial as the need for oxygen.
She touches the bruises on his face and neck, the ones
he got from his fight with Roland. She asks what happened. He tells her it's
not important. She tells him she can't stay much longer, that Dalton and the
other band members will be waiting for her on the Chop Shop roof.
"I heard you play," Connor tells her.
"You're amazing."
He kisses her again. They don't speak of unwinding. In
this moment none of that exists. Connor knows they would take this further if
they could—but
not here, not in a place like this. It will never happen for them, but somehow
he's content in knowing that in some other place and time it would have. He
holds her for ten seconds, twenty. Thirty. Then she slips away, and he returns
to the dining hall. In a few minutes he hears her playing, the strains of her
music pouring forth, filling Happy Jack with the upbeat, pulse-pounding sound
track of the damned.
59 Roland
They come for Roland that same morning, right after
breakfast. A harvest counselor and two guards corner him in the dormitory
hallway, isolating him from the others.
"You don't want me," Roland says
desperately. "I'm not the Akron AWOL; Connor's the one you want."
"I'm afraid not," says the counselor.
"But . . . but I've only been here a few days. .
. ." He knows why this happened. It's because he hit that guy with the
volleyball, that must be it. Or it's because of his fight with Connor. Connor
turned him in! He knew Connor would turn him in!
"It's your blood type," the counselor says.
"AB negative— it's rare and in very high demand." He smiles.
"Think of it this way, you're worth more than any other kid in your
unit."
"Lucky you," says one of the guards as he
grabs Roland by the arm.
"If it's any consolation," says the
counselor, "your friend Connor is scheduled for unwinding this
afternoon."
* * *
Roland's legs feel weak as they bring him out into the
light of day. The red carpet stretches out before him, the color of dried
blood. Any time kids cross that terrible stone path, they always jump over it
as if touching it were bad luck. Now they won't let Roland step off of it.
"I want a priest," says Roland. "They
give people priests, right? I want a priest!"
"Priests give last rites," says the
counselor, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "That's for people who
are dying. You're not dying—you'll still be alive, just in a different way."
"I still want a priest."
"Okay, I'll see what I can do."
The band on the roof of the Chop Shop has begun their
morning set. They play a familiar dance tune, as if to mock the dirge playing
inside his head. He knows Risa is in the band now. He sees her up there playing
the keyboard. He knows she hates him but still he waves to her, trying get her
attention. Even an acknowledgment from someone who hates him is better than
having no one but strangers watch him perish.
She doesn't turn her eyes toward the red carpet. She
doesn't see him. She doesn't know. Perhaps someone will tell her he was unwound
today. He wonders what she'll feel.
They've reached the end of the red carpet. There are
five stone steps leading to the doors of the Chop Shop. Roland stops at the
bottom of the steps. The guards try to pull him along, but he shakes them off.
"I need more time. Another day. That's all. One
more day. I'll be ready tomorrow. I promise!"
And still, above him, the band plays. He wants to
scream, but here, so close to the Chop Shop, his screams will be drowned out by
the band. The counselor signals to the guards. They grab him more firmly just
beneath the armpits, forcing him to take those five steps. In a moment he's
through the doors, which slide closed behind him, shutting out the world. He
can't even hear the band anymore. The Chop Shop is soundproof. Somehow he knew
it would be.
60 Harvest
No one knows how it happens. No one knows how it's
done. The harvesting of Unwinds is a secret medical ritual that stays within
the walls of each harvesting clinic in the nation. In this way it is not unlike
death itself, for no one knows what mysteries lie beyond those secret doors,
either.
What does it take to unwind the unwanted? It takes
twelve surgeons, in teams of two, rotating in and out as their medical
specialty is needed. It takes nine surgical assistants and four nurses. It
takes three hours.
61 Roland
Roland is fifteen minutes in.
The medical staff that buzz around him wear scrubs the
color of a happy-face.
His arms and legs have been secured to the operating
table with bonds that are strong but padded so he won't hurt himself if he
struggles.
A nurse blots sweat from his forehead. "Relax,
I'm here to help you through this."
He feels a sharp pinprick in the right side of his
neck, and then in the left side.
"What's that?"
"That," says the nurse, "is the only
pain you'll be feeling today."
"This is it, then," Roland says.
"You're putting me under?"
Although he can't see her mouth beneath her surgical
mask, he can see the smile in her eyes.
"Not at all," she says. "By law, we're
required to keep you conscious through the entire procedure." The nurse
takes his hand. "You have a right to know everything that's happening to
you, every step of the way."
"What if I don't want to?"
"You will," says one of the surgical
assistants, wiping Roland's legs down with brown surgical scrub.
"Everybody does."
"We've just inserted catheters into your carotid
artery and jugular vein," says the nurse. "Right now your blood is
being replaced with a synthetic oxygen-rich solution."
"We send the real stuff straight to the blood
bank," says the assistant at his feet. "Not a bit gets wasted. You
can bet, you'll be saving lives!"
"The oxygen solution also contains an anaesthetic
that deadens pain receptors." The nurse pats his hand. "You'll be
fully conscious, but you won't feel a thing."
Already Roland feels his limbs starting to go numb. He
swallows hard. "I hate this. I hate you. I hate all of you."
"I understand."
* * *
Twenty-eight minutes in.
The first set of surgeons has arrived.
"Don't mind them," says the nurse.
"Talk to me."
"What do we talk about?"
"Anything you want."
Someone drops an instrument. It clatters on the table
and falls to the floor. Roland flinches. The nurse holds his hand
tighter.
"You may feel a tugging sensation near your
ankles," says one of the surgeons at the foot of the table. "It's
nothing to worry' about."
* * *
Forty-five minutes in.
So many surgeons, so much activity. Roland couldn't
remember ever having so much attention directed at him. He wants to look, but
the nurse holds his focus. She's read his file. She knows everything about him.
The good and the bad. The things he never talks about. The things he can't stop
talking about now.
"I think it's horrible what your stepfather
did."
"I was just protecting my mother."
"Scalpel," says a surgeon.
"She should have been grateful."
"She had me unwound."
"I'm sure it wasn't easy for her."
"All right, clamp it off."
* * *
An hour and fifteen.
Surgeons leave, new ones arrive. The new ones take an
intense interest in his abdomen. He looks toward his toes but can't see them.
Instead he sees a surgical assistant cleaning the lower half of the table.
"I almost killed a kid yesterday."
"That doesn't matter now."
"I wanted to do it, but I got scared. I don't
know why, but I got scared."
"Just let it go." The nurse was holding his
hand before. She's not anymore.
"Strong abdominal muscles," says a doctor. "Do
you work out?"
A clanging of metal. The lower half of the table is
unhooked and pulled away. It makes him think of when he was twelve and his mom
took him to Las Vegas. She had dropped him off at a magic show while she played
the slots. The magician had cut a woman in half. Her toes were still wiggling,
her face still smiling. The audience gave him thunderous applause.
Now Roland feels discomfort in his gut. Discomfort, a
tickling sensation, but no pain. The surgeons lift things away. He tries not to
look, but he can't help it. There's no blood, just the oxygen-rich solution,
which is flourescent green, like antifreeze.
"I'm scared," he says.
"I know," says the nurse.
"I want you all to go to Hell."
"That's natural."
One team leaves; another comes in. They take an
intense interest in his chest.
* * *
An hour forty-five.
"I'm afraid we need to stop talking now."
"Don't go away."
"I'll be here, but we won't be able to talk
anymore."
The fear surrounds him, threatening to take him under.
He tries to replace it with anger, but the fear is too strong. He tries to
replace it with the satisfaction that Connor will be taken very soon, but not
even that makes him feel better,
"You'll feel a tingling in your chest," says
a surgeon. "It's nothing to worry about."
* * *
Two hours, five minutes.
"Blink twice if you can hear me."
Blink, blink.
"You're being very brave."
He tries to think of other things, other places, but
his mind keeps being drawn back to this place. Everyone's so close around him
now. Yellow figures lean all around him like flower petals closing in. Another
section of the table is taken away. The petals move in closer. He does not
deserve this. He has done many things, not all good, but he does not deserve
this.
And he never did get his priest.
* * *
Two hours, twenty minutes.
"You'll feel a tingling in your jaw. It's nothing
to worry about."
"Blink twice if you can hear me."
Blink, blink.
"Good."
He locks his eyes on the nurse, whose eyes still
smile. They always smile. Someone made her have eternally smiling eyes.
"I'm afraid you're going to have to stop blinking
now."
* * *
"Where's the clock?" says one of the
surgeons.
"Two hours, thirty-three minutes."
"We're running late."
Not quite darkness, just an absence of light. He hears
everything around him but can no longer communicate. Another team has entered.
"I'm still here," the nurse tells him, but
then she falls silent. A few moments later he hears footsteps, and he knows
she's left.
"You'll feel a tingling in your scalp," says
a surgeon. "It's nothing to worry about." It's the last time they
talk to him. After that, the doctors talk like Roland is no longer there.
"Did you see yesterday's game?"
"Heartbreaker."
"Splitting the corpus callosum."
"Nice technique."
"Well, it's not brain surgery." Laughter all
around.
Memories tweak and spark. Faces. Dreamlike pulses of
light deep in his mind. Feelings. Things he hasn't thought about in years. The
memories bloom, then they're gone. When Roland was ten, he broke his arm. The
doctor told his mom he could have a new arm, or a cast. The cast was cheaper.
He drew a shark on it. When the cast came off he got a tattoo to make the shark
permanent.
"If they had just made that three-pointer."
"It'll be the Bulls again. Or the Lakers."
"Starting on the left cerebral cortex."
Another memory tweaks.
When I was six, my father went to jail for something
he did before I got born. I never knew what he did, but Mom says I'm just the
same.
"The Suns don't stand a chance."
"Well, if they had a decent coaching staff . .
."
"Left temporal lobe."
When I was three, I had a babysitter. She was
beautiful. She shook my sister.
Real hard. My sister got wrong. Never got right again. Beautiful is
dangerous. Better get them first.
"Well, maybe they'll make the playoffs next
year."
"Or the year after that."
"Did we get the auditory nerves?"
"Not yet. Getting them right n—"
I'm alone. And I'm crying. And no one's coming to the
crib. And the nightlight burned out. And I'm mad. I'm so mad.
Left frontal lobe.
I... I ...
I don't feel so good.
Left occipital lobe.
I ... I ... J don't
remember where . . .
Left parietal lobe.
I ... I ... I can't remember my name, but . . . but .
. .
Right temporal.
. . . but
I'm still here.
Right frontal.
I'm still here . . .
Right occipital.
I'm still. . .
Right parietal.
I'm . . .
Cerebellum.
I'm. . .
Thalamus.
I...
Hypothalamus.
I. . .
Hippocampus.
. . .
Medulla.
. . .
. . .
. . .
* * *
"Where's the clock?"
"Three hours, nineteen minutes."
"All right, I'm on break. Prep for the next
one."
62 Lev
The detonators are hidden in a sock in the back of his
cubby. Anyone who finds them will think they're Band-Aids. He tries not to
think about it. It's Blaine's job to think about it, and to tell him when it's
time.
Today Lev's unit of tithes are taking a nature walk to
commune with creation. The pastor who leads them is one of the more
self-important ones. He speaks as if every word out of his mouth were a pearl
of wisdom, pausing after each thought as if he expects someone to write it
down.
He leads them to an odd winter-bare tree. Lev, who is
used to winters with ice and snow, finds it odd that trees in Arizona still
lose their leaves. This tree has a multitude of branches that don't quite
match, each with different bark and a different texture.
"I wanted you to see this," the pastor says
to the crew. "It's not much to see now, but, oh, you should see it in the
spring. Over the years many of us have grafted branches from our favorite trees
to the trunk." He points to the various limbs. "This branch sprouts
pink cherry blossoms, and this one fills with huge sycamore leaves. This one
fills with purple jacaranda flowers, and this one grows heavy with
peaches."
The tithes examine it, touching its branches
cautiously, as if it might at any moment turn into the burning bush. "What
kind of tree was it to begin with?" asks one of the tithes.
The pastor can't answer him. "I'm not sure, but
it really doesn't matter—what matters is what it's become. We call it our little
'tree of life.' Isn't it wonderful?"
"There's nothing wonderful about it." The
words are out of Lev's mouth before he realizes he's spoken them, like a sudden,
unexpected belch. All eyes turn toward him. He quickly covers. "It's the
work of man, and we shouldn't be prideful," he says. '"When pride
comes, then comes disgrace; but with humility comes wisdom.'"
"Yes," says the pastor. "Proverbs—eleven,
isn't it?"
"Proverbs 1 1:2."
"Very good." He appears suitably humbled.
"Well, it is pretty in the spring."
Their path back to the tithing house takes them by
fields and courts where the terribles are being observed and brought to the
best possible physical condition before their unwinding. The tithes endure the
occasional jeers and hisses from the terribles, like martyrs.
It's as they pass one of the dormitories that Lev
finds himself face-to-face with someone he never expected to see again. He
finds himself standing in front of Connor.
Each was heading in a different direction. Each sees
the other at the same instant and stops short, staring in absolute shock.
"Lev?"
Suddenly the pompous pastor is there, grabbing Lev by
both shoulders. "Get away from him!" the pastor snarls at Connor.
"Haven't you done enough damage already?" Then he spirits Lev away,
leaving Connor standing there.
"It's all right," says the pastor, his
protective grip on Lev's shoulders still firm as they stride away. "We're
all aware of who he is and what he did to you. We were hoping you wouldn't find
out he was at the same harvest camp. But I promise you, Lev, he will never harm
you again." And then he says quietly, "He's being unwound this
afternoon."
"What?"
"And good riddance, too!"
* * *
It's not unusual to see tithes unsupervised on the
grounds of Happy Jack, although they're usually in clusters—or at the
very least, groups of two. It's rare to see one hurrying alone, almost running
across the fields.
Lev hadn't lingered long once he got back to the
tithing house—he
took the first opportunity to slip out. Now he searches everywhere for Blaine
and Mai.
Connor is being unwound this afternoon. How could this have happened? How did he get here?
Connor was safe at the Graveyard. Did the Admiral throw him out, or did he
leave on his own? Either way, Connor must have been caught and brought here.
The one thing Lev had taken comfort in—the safety of his friends—has now
been torn away. Connor's unwinding must not be allowed . . . and it's in Lev's
power to stop it.
He finds Blaine in the grassy commons between the dining
hall and the dormitories, being put through a regimen of calisthenics with his
unit. Blaine does them oddly, putting as little force into them as possible,
making all his moves low-impact.
"I need to talk to you."
Blaine looks at him, surprised and furious.
"What, are you crazy? What are you doing here?"
A staffer sees him and makes a beeline toward them—after all,
everyone knows tithes and terribles do not mix.
"It's all right," Lev tells the staffer,
"I know him from home. I just wanted to say good-bye."
The staffer reluctantly nods his approval. "All
right, but make it quick."
Lev pulls Blaine aside, making sure they're far enough
away that nobody can hear. "We're doing it today," Lev tells him.
"No more waiting."
"Hey," says Blaine, "I decide when we do it, and I say not yet.
"The longer we wait, the longer we risk going off
by accident."
"So? Randomness works too."
He wants to hit Blaine but knows if he does they'll
probably leave a crater in the field fifty yards wide, so he tells Blaine the
only thing he knows for sure will get him to give in,
"They know about us," whispers Lev.
"What?"
"They don't know who it is, but they know there
are clappers here—I'm sure they're reviewing the blood tests right now,
looking for anything unusual. It won't be long until they find us."
Blaine grits his teeth and curses. He thinks for a moment,
then starts shaking his head. "No. No, I'm not ready."
"It doesn't matter if you're ready. You want
chaos? Well, it's coming today, whether you want it or not—because if
they find us, what do you think they'll do?"
Blaine looks even sicker at the prospect.
"They'll detonate us in the forest?"
"Or out in the desert where no one will ever
know." .
Blaine considers it for a moment more, then takes a
deep shuddering breath. "I'll find Mai at lunch and tell her. We'll go at
two o'clock sharp."
"Make it one."
* * *
Lev rummages through his cubby, getting more and more
frantic. Those socks have to be here! They have to be—but he
can't find them. The detonators aren't crucial, but they're cleaner. Lev wants
it to be clean. Clean and quick.
"That's mine."
Lev turns to see the towheaded kid with the
emerald-green eyes standing behind him. "That's my cubby. Yours is over
there."
Lev looks around and realizes he's off by one bed.
There's nothing in the unit to identify one bed, or one cubby, from another.
"If you need socks, I can lend you."
"No, I've got enough of my own, thanks." He
takes a deep breath, closes his eyes to get his panic under control, and goes
to the right cubby. The sock with the detonators is there. He slips it in his
pocket.
"You okay, Lev? You look kinda funny."
"I'm fine. I've just been running, that's all.
Running on the treadmill."
"No, you haven't," says the kid. "I was
just in the gym."
"Listen, mind your own business, okay? I'm not
your buddy, I'm not your friend."
"But we oughta be friends."
"No. You don't know me. I'm not like you, okay,
so just leave me alone!"
Then he hears a deeper voice behind him. "That's
enough, Lev."
He turns to see a man in a suit. It's not one of the
pastors but the counselor who admitted him a week ago. This can't be good.
The counselor nods to the towheaded kid. "Thank
you, Sterling." The boy casts his eyes down and hurries out. "We
assigned Sterling to keep an eye on you and make sure you're adjusting. We are,
to say the least, concerned."
* * *
Lev sits in a room with the counselor, and two
pastors. The sock bulges in his pocket. He bounces his knees nervously, then
remembers he's not supposed to make any jarring motions, or he might detonate.
He forces himself to stop.
"You seem troubled, Lev," says the
counselor. "We'd like to understand why."
Lev looks at the clock. It's 12:48. Twelve minutes
until he, Mai, and Blaine are supposed to meet and take care of business.
"I'm being tithed," Lev says. "Isn't
that enough of a reason?"
The younger of the two pastors leans forward. "We
try to make sure every tithe enters the divided state in the proper frame of
mind."
"We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't try to
make things right for you," says the elder pastor, then offers a smile so
forced, it's more like a grimace.
Lev wants to scream at them, but he knows that won't
get him out of here any faster. "I just don't like being around other kids
right now. I'd rather prepare for this alone, okay?"
"But it's not okay," says the older pastor.
"That's not the way we do things here. Everyone supports one
another."
The junior pastor leans forward. "You need to
give the other boys a chance. They're all good kids."
"Well maybe I'm not!" Lev can't help but
look at the clock again. Twelve fifty. Mai and Blaine will be in place in ten
minutes, and what if he's still here in this stinking office? Won't that be
just great.
"Have somewhere you need to be?" the
counselor asks. "You keep checking the time."
Lev knows his answer needs to make sense or they truly
will become suspicious of him. "I ... I heard the kid who kidnapped me
was being unwound today. I was just wondering if it had happened yet."
The pastors look at one another and at the counselor, who
leans back in his chair, as calm as can be. "If he hasn't been, he will be
shortly. Lev, I think it would be healthy for you to discuss what happened to
you while you were held hostage. I'm sure it was horrible, but talking about it
can take away the power of the memory. I'd like to hold a special group tonight
with your unit. It will be a time for you to share with the others what you've
been holding inside. I think you'll find they'll be very understanding."
"Tonight," says Lev. "Okay. Fine. I'll
talk about everything tonight. Maybe you're right and it will make me feel
better."
"We just want to ease your mind," says one
of the pastors.
"So, can I go now?"
The counselor studies him for a moment more. "You
seem so tense. I'd like to talk you through some guided relaxation exercises. .
. ."
63 Guard
He hates his job, he hates the heat, he hates that he
has to stand in front of the Chop Shop for hours guarding the doors, making
sure no one unauthorized enters or leaves. He had dreams back in StaHo of
starting a business with his buddies, but no one loans start-up money to StaHo
kids. Even after he changed his last name from Ward to Mullard—the name of
the richest family in town—he couldn't fool anyone. Turns out half the kids
from his state home took on that name when they left, figuring they could outsmart
the world. In the end, he outsmarted no one but himself. The best he could do
was find a series of unfulfilling jobs in the year he's been out of StaHo—the
most recent of which is being a harvest camp guard.
On the roof, the band has started its afternoon set.
At least that helps the time to pass a little more quickly.
Two Unwinds approach, and climb the steps toward him.
They're not being escorted by guards and both carry plates covered with
aluminum foil. The guard doesn't like the look of them. The boy's a flesh-head.
The girl is Asian.
"What do you want? You're not supposed to be
here."
"We were told to give this to the band."
They both look nervous and shifty. This is nothing new. All Unwinds get nervous
near the Chop Shop—and to the guard, all Unwinds look shifty.
The guard peeks under the aluminum foil. Roast
chicken. Mashed potatoes. They do send food up to the band once in a while, but
usually it's staff that carries the food, not Unwinds. "I thought they
just had lunch."
"Guess not," says the flesh-head. He looks
like he'd rather be anywhere in the world but standing in front of the Chop
Shop, so the guard decides to draw it out, making them stand there even longer.
"I'll have to call this in," he says. He
pulls out his phone and calls the front office. He gets a busy signal. Typical.
The guard wonders which he'd get in more trouble for—letting
them bring the food in, or turning them away if they really were sent by
administration. He considers the plate in the girl's hands. "Let me see that." He peels back the foil and
takes the largest chicken breast. "Go in through the glass doors, and the
stairs are to your left. If I see you go anywhere but up the stairs, I'll come
in there and tranq you so fast, you won't know what hit you."
Once they're inside, they're out of sight, out of
mind. He doesn't know that although they went into the stairwell, they never
brought the food to the band—they just ditched the plates. And he never noticed the
little round Band-Aids on their palms.
64 Connor
Connor looks out of the dormitory window, devastated.
Lev is here at Happy Jack. How he got here doesn't matter; all that matters is
that Lev will now be unwound. It's all been for nothing. Connor's sense of
futility makes him feel like a part of himself has already been cut out and
taken to market.
"Connor Lassiter?"
He turns to see two guards at the entrance. Around
him, most of the kids have left the unit for their afternoon activity. The ones
that remain take a quick glance at the guards, and at Connor, then look away,
busying themselves in anything that will keep them out of this business.
"Yeah. What do you want?"
"Your presence is requested at the harvest
clinic," says the first guard. The other guard doesn't talk. He just
chomps on chewing gum.
Connor's first reaction is that this can't be what it
sounds like. Maybe Risa sent them. Maybe she wants to play something for him.
After all, now that she's in the band, she has more influence than the average
Unwind, doesn't she?
"The harvest clinic," echoes Connor.
"What for?"
"Well, let's just say you're leaving Happy Jack
today."
Chomp, chomp, goes
the other guard.
"Leaving?"
"C'mon, son, do we have to spell it out for you?
You're a problem here. Too many of the other kids look up to you, and that's
never a good thing at a harvest camp. So the administration decided to take
care of the problem."
They advance on Connor, lifting him up by the arms.
"No! No! You can't do this."
"We can, and we are. It's our job—and whether
you make it hard, or easy, it doesn't matter. Our job gets done either
way."
Connor looks to the other kids as if they might help
him, but they don't. "Good-bye, Connor," says one, but he won't even
look in Connor's direction.
The gum-chewing guard looks more sympathetic, which
means there might be a way to get through to him. Connor looks at him
pleadingly. It makes him stop chewing for an instant. The guard thinks for a
moment and says, "I got a buddy looking for brown eyes, on account of his
girlfriend don't like the ones he got. He's a decent guy—you could
do a lot worse."
"What!"
"We sometimes get dibs on parts and stuff,"
he says. "One of the perks of the job. Anyways, all I'm saying is I can
give you some peace of mind. You'll know your eyes won't go to some lowlife or
nothin'."
The other guard snickers. "Piece of mind. Good one.
Okay, time to go." They pull Connor forward, and he tries to prepare
himself, but how do you prepare yourself for something like this? Maybe what
they say is right. Maybe it's not dying. Maybe it's just passing into a new
form of living. It could be all right, couldn't it? Couldn't it?
He tries to imagine what it must be like for an inmate
to be led to his execution. Do they fight it? Connor tries to imagine himself
kicking and screaming his way to the Chop Shop, but what would be the use of
that? If his time on Earth as Connor Lassiter is ending, then maybe he should
use the time well. He should allow himself to spend his final moments
appreciating who he was. No! Who he still is! He should appreciate the
last breaths moving in and out of his lungs while those lungs are still under
his control. He should feel the tension and release in his muscles as he moves,
and see the many sights of Happy Jack with his eyes and store them in his
brain.
"Hands off me, I'll walk by myself," he
orders the guards, and they instantly release him, perhaps surprised by the
authority in his voice. He rolls his shoulders, cracks his neck, and strides
forward. The first step is the hardest, but from that moment on he decides that
he will neither run nor dawdle. He will neither quiver nor fight. He will take
this last walk of his life in steady strides—and in a few weeks from now,
someone, somewhere, will hold in their mind the memory that this young man,
whoever he was, faced his unwinding with dignity and pride.
65 Clappers
Who can say what goes through the mind of a clapper in
the moments before carrying out that evil deed? No doubt whatever those
thoughts are, they are lies. However, like all dangerous deceptions, the lies
that clappers tell themselves wear seductive disguises.
For clappers who have been led to believe their acts
are smiled upon by God, their lie is clothed in holy robes and has outstretched
arms promising a reward that will never come.
For clappers who believe their act will somehow bring
about change in the world, their lie is disguised as a crowd looking back at
them from the future, smiling in appreciation for what they've done.
For clappers who seek only to share their personal
misery with the world, their lie is an image of themselves freed from their
pain by witnessing the pain of others.
And for clappers who are driven by vengeance, their
lie is a scale of justice, weighted evenly on both sides, finally in balance
It is only when a clapper brings his hands together
that the lie reveals itself, abandoning the clapper in that final instant so
that he exits this world utterly alone, without so much as a lie to accompany
him into oblivion.
Or her.
The path that brought Mai to this place in her life
was full of fury and disappointment. Her breaking point was Vincent. He was a
boy no one knew. He was a boy she met and fell in love with in the warehouse
more than a month ago. He was a boy who died in midair, crammed into a crate
with four other kids who choked on their own carbon dioxide. No one seemed to
notice his disappearance, and certainly no one cared. No one but Mai, who had
found her soul mate, and had lost him that day she arrived in the Graveyard.
The world was to blame, but when she secretly
witnessed the Admiral's golden five burying Vincent and the others, she was
able to give faces to her fury. The Goldens buried Vincent not with respect,
but with profanities. They cracked jokes and laughed. They covered the five
dead boys carelessly with dirt like cats cover their turds. Mai had never felt
such rage.
Once Cleaver befriended her, she told him what she had
seen, and he agreed that revenge was in order. It was Cleaver's idea to kill
the Goldens. It was Blaine who drugged them and brought them to the FedEx jet—but it was
Mai who sealed the hatch of the crate. It was amazing to her that killing could
be as easy as closing a door.
After that, there was no turning back for Mai. Her bed
had been made; all that remained was for her to lie in it. She knows that today
will be the day she climbs in and goes to her rest.
Once inside the Chop Shop she finds a storage room
full of surgical gloves, syringes, and shiny instruments she cannot identify.
She knows Blaine is somewhere in the north wing of the building. She expects
Lev is in position too, standing on the loading dock at the back of the Chop
Shop—at
least that's the plan. It is now one o'clock on the nose. Time to do this.
Mai enters the storage room and closes the door. And
waits. She will do this, but not quite yet. Let one of the others go. She
refuses to be the first.
* * *
Blaine waits in a deserted hallway on the second
floor. This area of the Chop Shop doesn't appear to be in use. He has decided
not to use his detonators. Detonators are for wimps. For a hardcore clapper, a
single, powerful clap is enough to bring it on, even without detonators—and Blaine
wants to believe he's hardcore, like his brother was. He stands at the end of
the hallway, legs spread to shoulder width, bouncing on the balls of his feet
like a tennis player awaiting a serve. His hands are held apart. But he waits.
He's hardcore, yes—but he's not going first.
* * *
Lev has convinced the psychologist that he's suitably
relaxed. It's the best acting performance of his life, because his heart is
racing and there's so much adrenaline flooding his blood, he's afraid he'll
spontaneously combust.
"Why don't you go back to the tithing
house?" the doctor suggests. "Spend some time getting to know the
other kids. Make an effort, Lev—you'll be glad you did."
"Yes. Yes, I'll do that. Thank you. I feel better
now."
"Good."
The counselor motions to the pastors and everyone
rises. It is 1:04. Lev wants to race out the door, but he knows that will just
get him another therapy session. He leaves the office with the pastors, who
babble about his place in the scheme of things and the joys of tithing. It's
only as Lev gets outside that he becomes aware of the commotion. Kids are all
running from their activities and into the commons between the dormitories and
the Chop Shop. Have Blaine and Mai gone off already? He didn't hear any
explosions. No, this is something else.
"It's the Akron AWOL," he hears one of the
kids shout. "He's being unwound!"
That's when Lev spots Connor. He's halfway down the
red carpet, marching with two guards right behind him. Kids have gathered in
the grassy commons, but they keep their distance as more kids arrive. They're
spilling out of the dormitories, the dining hall—everywhere.
The band has stopped playing in the middle of a tune.
The keyboardist—a girl—wails at the sight of Connor on the red stone path.
Connor looks up at her, halts for a second, and blows her a kiss before
continuing on. Lev can hear her crying.
Now guards, staffers, and counselors converge on the
quad in panic, trying to herd this volatile gathering of kids back to their
places, but no one will leave. The kids just stand there—maybe they
can't stop this, but they can witness it. They can be there as Connor strides
out of this life.
"Let's hear it for the Akron AWOL!" one boy
shouts. "Let's hear it for Connor!" and he starts to applaud. Soon
the entire crowd of kids is applauding and cheering Connor as he marches down
the red carpet.
Applause.
Clapping.
Mai and Blaine!
Suddenly Lev realizes what's about to happen. He can't
let Connor go in there! Not now! He's got to stop him.
Lev breaks away from the pastors. Connor is almost to
the steps of the Chop Shop. Lev races between the kids, but he can't push his
way through them. If he does, he knows he'll detonate. He must be quick, but he
must be careful—and being careful slows him down.
"Connor!" He screams, but the cheers all
around him are too loud. And now the band has begun to play again. They're
playing the national anthem, just like they do at the funerals of great
Americans. The guards and the staff can't stop this. They try but they can't—and they're
so busy trying to control the crowd, they let Lev slip right past onto the red
carpet.
Now he has a clear path to Connor, who has begun climbing
the steps. Lev screams his name again, but Connor still can't hear. Although
Lev races down the path, he's still twenty yards away when the glass doors open
and Connor steps inside with the guards.
"No! Connor! No!"
But the doors close. Connor is inside the Chop Shop.
But he won't be unwound. He's going to die just like everyone else inside . . .
and as if to complete Lev's failure, he finally takes a look up at the roof to
catch the gaze of the keyboard player looking down at him.
It's Risa.
How could he have been so stupid? He should have known
it was her from the way she wailed, and from the kiss that Connor blew her. Lev
stands there, petrified with disbelief . . . And then the world comes to an
end.
* * *
Blaine still stands at the end of the hall, waiting
for someone else to go first.
"Hey! Who are you? What are you doing here?"
a guard shouts at Blaine.
"Stay back!" Blaine says. "Stay back,
or else!"
The guard pulls out his tranq pistol and speaks into
his radio. "I got an Unwind loose up here. I need backup!"
"I'm warning you," says Blaine. But the
guard knows exactly how to deal with an Unwind loose in the Chop Shop. He aims his
tranq gun at Blaine's left thigh, and fires.
"No!"
But it's too late. The impact of a tranq bullet is
more effective than any detonator. Blaine and the guard are instantly
incinerated as the six quarts of liquid explosive coursing through Blaine's
body ignites.
* * *
Mai hears the explosion. It shakes the entire storage
room like an earthquake. She doesn't think about it. She can't. Not anymore.
She looks at the detonators on her palm. This is for Vincent. This is for her
parents, who signed the Unwind order. This is for the whole world.
She claps once.
Nothing.
She claps twice.
Nothing.
She claps a third time.
The third time is the charm.
* * *
The moment Risa sees Lev standing below, on the red
carpet, an explosion rips through the north wing of the Chop Shop. She turns to
see the entire wing crumble. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
"We gotta get out of here!" yells Dalton,
but before he can make a move, a second explosion roars beneath them, sending
the air-vent caps shooting skyward like rockets. The roof beneath their feet
cracks like thin ice, and the entire roof gives way. Risa plunges with the rest
of the band into the smoky abyss, and in that instant all she can think of is
Connor, and how the band never got to finish playing his farewell anthem.
* * *
Lev stands there as the glass blows past him. He sees
the band fall as the roof collapses. A howl builds up inside him, escaping his
mouth, an inhuman sound born of an agony he can't describe. His world has truly
ended. Now he must finish the job.
Standing there before the ruined building, he pulls
out the sock in his pocket. He fumbles with it until he finds the detonators.
He peels the backs, revealing the adhesive, and sticks them to his palms. They
look like stigmata, the nail wounds in the hands of Christ. Still wailing his
agony, he holds his hands up before him, preparing to make the pain go away. He
holds his hands up before him. He holds his hands up before him. He holds his
hands up before him.
And he cannot bring them together.
He wants to. He needs to. But he can't.
Make this go away. Please, somebody make this all go
away.
No matter how hard he tries, no matter how much his
mind wants to end this here and now, another part of him—a stronger
part of him—refuses to let him clap his hands together. Now he is even a
failure as a failure.
God, dear God, what am J doing? What have I done? How
did I get here?
The crowd, which had run at the sound of the blasts,
has come back. They ignore Lev, because there's something else they see.
"Look!" someone shouts. "Look!"
Lev turns to see where the kid is pointing. Coming out
of the ruined glass doors of the Chop Shop is Connor. He's stumbling. His face
is a shredded, bloody mess. He's lost an eye. His right arm is crushed and
mangled. But he's alive!
"Connor blew up the Chop Shop!" someone
yells. "He blew it up and saved us all!"
And then a guard bursts onto the scene. "Get back
to your dormitories. All of you! Now!"
No one moves.
"Didn't you hear me?"
Then a kid slams the guard with a right hook that
practically spins his whole body around. The guard responds by pulling out his
tranq gun and shooting the kid in the offending arm. The kid goes to
dreamland, but there are other kids, and they tear the gun out of the guard's
hand, using it against him. Just like Connor once had.
The word that the Akron AWOL blew up the Chop Shop
zigs like lightning through every Unwind in Happy Jack, and in seconds,
disobedience erupts into a full-scale revolt. Every terrible is now a terror.
The guards fire, but there are simply too many kids, and not enough tranq
bullets. For every kid that goes down, there's another kid that doesn't. The
guards are quickly overwhelmed, and once they are, the mob starts storming the
front gate.
* * *
Connor has no understanding of this event. All he
knows is that he was led into the building, then something happened. And now
he's not in the building anymore. His face is wrong. It hurts. It hurts had. He
can't move his arm. The ground feels strange beneath his feet. His lungs hurt.
He coughs and they hurt more.
He's stumbling down steps now. There are kids here.
Lots of kids. Unwinds. That's right, he's an Unwind. They're all Unwinds. But
the meaning of that is slipping from him fast. The kids are running. They're
fighting. Then Connor's legs give out, and suddenly he's on the ground. Looking
up at the sun.
He wants to sleep. He knows this isn't a good place,
but he wants to anyway. He feels wet. He feels sticky. Is his nose running?
Then there's an angel hovering above him, all in
white.
"Don't move," the angel says. Connor
recognizes the voice.
"Hi, Lev. How are things . . . ?"
"Shh."
"My arm hurts," Connor says lazily.
"Did you bite me again?"
Then Lev does something funny. He takes off his shirt.
Then he tears his shirt in half. He presses half the torn shirt to Connor's
face. That makes his face hurt more. He groans. Then Lev takes the other half
of his shirt and ties it around Connor's arm. He ties it tight. That hurts too.
"Hey . . . what . . ."
"Don't try to talk. Just relax."
There are others around him now. He doesn't know who.
A kid holding a tranq pistol looks at Lev, and Lev nods. Then the kid kneels
down next to Connor.
"This is going to hurt a little," says the
kid with the tranq gun. "But I think you need it."
He aims uncertainly at various parts of Connor's body,
then settles on Connor's hip. Connor hears the gunshot, feels a sharp pain in
his hip, and as his vision begins to darken he sees Lev hurrying shirtless
toward a building that's pouring out black smoke.
"Weird," says Connor. Then his mind goes to
a quiet place where none of this matters.
Part Seven
Consciousness
"A human being is part of a whole,
called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences
himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of
optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us
. . . Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our
circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature
in its beauty."
—Albert Einstein
"Two things are infinite: the
universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
—Albert Einstein
66 Connor
Connor regains consciousness with nothing but hazy
confusion where his thoughts ought to be. His face aches, and he can see out of
only one eye. He feels pressure over his other eye.
He's in a white room. There's a window through which
he can see daylight. This is unquestionably a hospital room, and that pressure
over his eye must be a bandage. He tries to lift his right arm but there's an
ache in his shoulder, so he decides it's not worth the effort just yet.
Only now does he begin to piece together the events
that landed him here. He was about to be unwound. There was an explosion. There
was a revolt. Then Lev was standing over him. That's all he can remember.
A nurse comes into the room. "So you're finally
awake! How are you feeling?"
"Good," he says, his voice little more than
a croak. He clears his throat. "How long?"
"You've been in a medically induced coma for a
little over two weeks," says the nurse.
Two weeks? With a life that has been lived day to day
for so long, two weeks sounds like an eternity. And Risa . . . what about Risa?
"There was a girl," he says. "She was on the roof of the Chop—of the
harvest clinic. Does anyone know what happened to her?"
The nurse's expression doesn't give anything away.
"That can all be sorted out later."
"But—"
"No buts. Right now you need time to heal—and I have
to say, you're doing better than anyone
expected, Mr. Mullard."
His first thought is that he hasn't heard her right.
He shifts uncomfortably. "Excuse me?"
She fluffs his pillows. "Just relax now, Mr.
Mullard. Let us handle everything."
His second thought is that he's been unwound after
all. He's been unwound, and somehow, someone got his entire brain. He's inside
someone else now. But as he thinks about it, he knows that can't be it. His
voice still sounds like his voice. When he rubs his tongue against his teeth,
those teeth are still the ones he remembers.
"My name is Connor," he tells her.
"Connor Lassiter."
The nurse studies him with an expression that's kind,
but calculated—almost disturbingly so. "Well," she says,
"as it so happens, an ID with the picture charred off was found in the
wreckage. It belonged to a nineteen-year-old guard by the name of Elvis
Mullard. With all the confusion after the blast there really was no telling who
was who, and many of us agreed that it would be a shame to let that ID go to
waste, don't you agree?" She reaches over and adjusts the angle of
Connor's bed until he's sitting up more comfortably. "Now tell me,"
she asks, "What was your name again?"
Connor gets it. He closes his eye, takes a deep
breath, and opens it again. "Do I have a middle name?"
The nurse checks the chart. "Robert."
"Then my name is E. Robert Mullard."
The nurse smiles and holds out her hand to shake his.
"A pleasure to meet you, Robert."
As a reflex, Connor reaches out his right hand toward
hers, and gets that dull ache in his shoulder again.
"Sorry," says the nurse. "My
fault." She shakes his left hand instead. "Your shoulder will feel a
bit sore until the graft is completely healed."
"What did you just say?"
The nurse sighs. "Me and my big mouth. The
doctors always want to be the ones to tell you, but the cat's out of the bag
now, isn't it? Well, the bad news is that we weren't able to save your arm, or
your right eye. The good news is that, as E. Robert Mullard, you qualified for
emergency transplants. I've seen the eye—don't worry, it's a decent match.
As for the arm, well, the new one is a little more muscular than your left one,
but some good physical therapy can even that out in no time."
Connor lets it sink in, playing it over in his mind. Eye.
Arm. Physical therapy.
"I know it's a lot to get used to," says the
nurse.
For the first time Connor looks at his new hand. There
are bandages padding his shoulder, and his arm is in a sling. He flexes the
fingers. They flex. He twists his wrist. It twists. The fingernails need clipping,
and the knuckles are thicker than his own. He runs his thumb across the pads of
his fingertips. The sense of touch is just as it ever was. Then he rotates his
wrist a bit farther, and stops. He feels a wave of panic surge through him, one
that resolves into a knot deep in his gut.
The nurse grins as she looks at the arm. "Parts
often come with their own personalities," she says. "Nothing to worry
about. You must be hungry. I'll get you some lunch."
"Yeah," says Connor. "Lunch. That's
good."
She leaves him alone with the arm. His arm. An arm
that bears the unmistakable tattoo of a tiger shark.
67 Risa
Risa's life as she knew it ended the day the clappers
blew up the Chop Shop—and everyone eventually did learn that it was
clappers, not Connor. The
evidence was indisputable. Especially after the confession of the clapper who survived.
Unlike Connor, Risa never lost consciousness. Even
though she was pinned beneath a steel I beam, she stayed wide awake. As she lay
there in the wreckage, some of the pain she felt when the I beam came down on
her was gone. She didn't know whether that was a good sign, or bad. Dalton was
in lots of pain though. He was terrified. Risa calmed him down. She talked to
him, telling him it was all right—that everything would be fine. She
kept telling him that right up until the moment he died. The guitar player had
been luckier. He was able to wrestle himself out from under the debris, but he
couldn't free Risa, so he left, promising her he'd send back help. He must have
kept his promise, because help finally did come. It took three people to lift
the beam, but only one to carry her out.
Now she rests in a hospital room, trussed up in a
contraption that looks more like a torture device than a bed. She is riddled
with steel pins like a human voodoo doll. The pins are held in precise place by
rigid scaffolding. She can see her toes, but she can't feel them. From now on,
seeing them will have to be enough.
"You have a visitor."
A nurse stands at the door, and when she steps aside,
Connor is standing in the doorway. He's bruised and bandaged, but very much
alive. Her eyes instantly fill with tears, but she knows she can't let herself
sob. It still hurts too much to sob. "I knew they were lying," she
says. "They said you died in the explosion—that you were trapped in the
building—but I saw you outside. I knew they were lying."
"I probably would have died," Connor said,
"but Lev stopped the bleeding. He saved me."
"He saved me, too," Risa tells him. "He
carried me out of the building."
Connor smiles. "Not bad for a lousy little
tithe."
By the look on his face, Risa can tell he doesn't know
that Lev was one of the clappers—the one who didn't go off. She
decides not to tell him. It's still all over the news; he'll know soon enough.
Connor tells her of his coma, and about his new
identity. Risa tells him how few of Happy Jack's AWOLs have been caught—how the
kids stormed the gates and escaped. She glances at his sling as they speak. The
fingers sticking out of that arm sling are definitely not Connor's. She knows
what must have happened, and she can
tell he's self-conscious about it.
"So, what do they say?" Connor asks.
"About your injuries, I mean. You're going to be okay, right?"
Risa considers how she might tell him, then just
decides to be quick about it. "They tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down."
Connor waits for more, but that's all she has to give
him. "Well . . . that's not so bad, right? They can fix that—they're
always fixing that."
"Yes," says Risa. "They fix it by
replacing a severed spine with the spine of an Unwind. That's why I refused the
operation."
He looks at her in disbelief, and she in turn points
at his arm. "You would have done the same thing if they'd given you a
choice. Well, I had a choice, and I made it."
"I'm so sorry, Risa."
"Don't be!" The one thing she doesn't want
from Connor is pity. "They can't unwind me now—there are
laws against unwinding the disabled—but if I got the operation, they'd unwind
me the moment I was healed. This way I get to stay whole." She smiles at
him triumphantly. "So you're not the only one who beat the system!"
He smiles at her and rolls his bandaged shoulder. The
sling shifts, exposing more of his new arm—enough to reveal the tattoo. He
tries to hide it, but it's too late. She sees it. She knows it. And when she
meets Connor's eye, he looks away in shame.
Connor . . . ?"
"I promise,'' he says. "I promise I will
never touch you with this hand."
Risa knows this is a crucial moment for both of them.
That arm—the
same one that held her back against a bathroom wall. How could she look at it
now with anything but disgust? Those fingers that threatened unspeakable
things. How can they make her feel anything but revulsion? But when she looks
at Connor, all that fades away. There's only him.
"Let me see it," she says.
Connor hesitates, so she reaches out and gently slips
it from the sling. "Does it hurt?"
"A little."
She brushes her fingers across the back of his hand.
"Can you feel that?"
Connor nods.
Then she gently lifts the hand to her face, pressing
the palm to her cheek. She holds it there for a moment, then lets go, letting
Connor take over. He moves his hand across her cheek, wiping away a tear with
his finger. He softly strokes her neck, and she closes her eyes. She feels as
he moves his fingertips across her lips before he takes his hand away. Risa
opens her eyes and takes the hand in hers, clasping it tightly.
"I know this is your hand now," she
tells him. "Roland would never have touched me like that.'' Connor smiles,
and Risa takes a moment to look down at the shark on his wrist. It holds no
fear for her now, because the shark has been tamed by the soul of a boy. No—the soul of
a man.
68 Lev
Not far away, in a high-security federal detention
center, Levi Jedediah Calder is held in a cell designed for his very specific
needs. The cell is padded. There is a steel blast door three inches thick. The
room is kept at a constant forty-five degrees Fahrenheit to keep Lev's body
temperature from rising too high. Lev is not cold, though—in fact
he's hot. He's hot because he's wrapped in layer after layer of fire-resistant
insulation. He looks like a mummy, suspended in midair—but unlike a mummy, his
hands aren't crossed over his chest, they're held out to each side and lashed
to a crossbeam so he cannot bring his hands together. The way Lev sees it, they
didn't know whether to crucify him or mummify him, so they did both. This way,
he can't clap, he can't fall, he can't inadvertently detonate himself—and if
for some reason he does, the cell is designed to withstand the blast.
They've given him four transfusions. They won't tell
him how many more he'll need until the explosive is out of his system. They won't
tell him anything. The federal agents who come visit him are only interested in
what he can tell them. They've given him a lawyer who talks about insanity like
it's a good thing. Lev keeps telling him that he isn't insane, although he's
not even sure himself anymore.
The door to his cell opens. He expects another
interrogation, but his visitor is someone new. It takes a moment for Lev to
recognize him—mainly
because he's not wearing his modest pastor's vestments. He wears jeans and a
striped buttondown shirt.
"Good morning, Lev."
"Pastor Dan?"
The door slams closed behind him, but it doesn't echo.
The soft walls absorb the sound. Pastor Dan rubs his arms against the cold.
They should have told him to bring a jacket.
"Are they treating you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah," says Lev. "The good thing about
being explosive is that no one can beat you."
Pastor Dan gives an obligatory chuckle, then
awkwardness takes over. He forces himself to meet Lev's eyes. "I understand they'll only keep you wrapped up like this
for a few weeks, until you're out of the woods."
Lev wonders which particular woods he means. Certainly
his life will now be one dark forest within another, within another. Lev
doesn't even know why the pastor is here, or what he hopes to prove. Should Lev
be happy to see him, or should he be mad? This is the man who always told him
that tithing was a holy thing from the time he was a small boy—and then
told him to run from it. Is Pastor Dan here to reprimand him? To congratulate
him? Did Lev's parents send him because he's so untouchable now, they won't
come themselves? Or maybe Lev's about to be executed and he's here to give last
rites.
"Why don't you just get it over with?" Lev
says.
"Get what over with?"
"Whatever you're here to do. Do it, and go."
There are no chairs in the room, so Pastor Dan leans
back against the padded wall. "How much have they told you about what's
going on out there?"
"All I know is what goes on in here. Which isn't
much."
Pastor Dan sighs, rubs his eyes, and takes his time to
consider where to begin. "First of all, do you know a boy by the name of
Cyrus Finch?"
The mention of his name makes Lev begin to panic. Lev
knew his background would be checked and rechecked. That's what happens to
clappers—their
whole life becomes pages pasted on a wall to be examined, and the people in
their lives become suspects. Of course,
that usually happens after the clapper has applauded his way into the next
world.
"CyFi had nothing to do with this!" says
Lev. "Nothing at all. They can't pull him into this!"
"Calm down. He's fine. It just so happens that
he's come forward and is making a big stink—and since he knew you, people are
listening."
"A
stink about me?"
"About unwinding," says Pastor Dan, for the
first time moving closer to Lev. "What happened at Happy Jack Harvest Camp—it got a
whole lot of people talking, people who had just been burying their heads in
the sand. There have been protests in Washington against unwinding—Cyrus even
testified before Congress."
Lev tries to imagine CyFi in front of a congressional
committee, trash-talking them in prewar sitcom Umber. The thought of it makes
Lev smile. It's the first time he's smiled in a long time.
"There's talk that they might even lower the
legal age of adulthood from eighteen to seventeen. That'll save a full fifth of
all the kids marked for unwinding."
"That's good," says Lev.
Pastor Dan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a
folded piece of paper. "I wasn't going to show you this, but I think you
need to see it. I think you need to understand where things have gone."
It's the cover of a magazine.
Lev's on it.
Not just on it, Lev is the cover. It's his
seventh-grade baseball picture—mitt in hand, smiling at the camera. The headline reads,
WHY, LEV, WHY? In all the time he's had here alone to think and rethink his
actions, it never occurred to him that the outside world had been doing the
same thing. He doesn't want this
attention, but now he's apparently on a first-name basis with the world.
"You've been on the cover of just about every
magazine."
He didn't need to know that. He hopes that Pastor Dan
doesn't have a whole collection of them in his pocket. "So what," Lev
says, trying to act as if it doesn't matter. "Clappers always make the
news."
"Their actions make the news—the
destruction they've caused—but nobody ever cares who a clapper is. To the public
all clappers are the same. But you're different from those others, Lev. You're
a clapper who didn't clap."
"I wanted to."
"If you wanted to, you would have. But instead
you ran into the wreckage and pulled out four people."
"Three."
"Three—but you probably would have gone in
for more if you could have. The other tithes, they all stayed back. They
protected their own precious parts. But you basically led that rescue effort,
because there were 'terribles' who followed you in to bring out
survivors."
Lev remembers that. Even as the mob was crashing down
the gate, there were dozens of Unwinds going back into the wreckage with him.
And Pastor Dan is right—Lev would have kept going back in, but then it occurred to
him that one false move would have set him off and brought the rest of the Chop
Shop down around them. So he went back out to the red carpet and sat with Risa
and Connor until ambulances took them away. Then he stood in the midst of the
chaos and confessed to being a clapper. He confessed over and over again to anyone
willing to listen, until finally a police officer kindly offered to arrest him.
The officer was afraid to even handcuff Lev for fear of detonating him, but
that was all right—he had no intention of resisting arrest.
"What you did, Lev—it
confused people. No one knows whether you're a monster or a hero."
Lev thinks about that. "Is there a third
choicer"
Pastor Dan doesn't answer him. Maybe he doesn't know
the answer. "I have to believe that things happen for a reason. Your
kidnapping, your becoming a clapper, your refusing to clap"—he glances
at the magazine cover in his hand—"it's all led to this. For years,
Unwinds were just faceless kids that no one wanted—but now you've put a face on
unwinding."
"Can they put my face on someone else?"
Pastor Dan chuckles again, and this time it's not as
forced as before. He looks at Lev like he's just a kid, and not something
inhuman. It makes him feel, if only for a moment, like a normal
thirteen-year-old. It's a strange feeling, because even in his old life he
never really was a normal kid. Tithes never are.
"So, what happens now?" Lev asks.
"The way I understand it, they'll clear the worst
of the explosive out of your bloodstream in a few weeks. You'll still be
volatile, but not as bad as before. You can clap all you want and you won't
explode—but
I wouldn't play any contact sports for a while."
"And then they'll unwind me?"
Pastor Dan shakes his head. "They won't unwind a
clapper—that
stuff never entirely gets out of your system. I've been talking to your lawyer.
He has a feeling they're going to offer you a deal—after all, you did help them
catch that group who gave you the transfusion to begin with. Those people who
used you, they'll get what they deserve. But the courts are likely to see you
as a victim."
"I knew what I was doing," Lev tells him.
"Then tell me why you did it."
Lev opens his mouth to speak but he can't put it into
words. Anger. Betrayal. Fury at a universe pretending to be fair and just. But
was that really a reason? Was that justification?
"You may be responsible for your actions,"
Pastor Dan says, "but it's not your fault you weren't emotionally prepared
for life out there in the real world. That was my fault—and the
fault of everyone who raised you to be a tithe. We're as guilty as the people
who pumped that poison into your blood." He looks away in shame, curbing
his own growing anger, but Lev can tell it's not anger aimed at him. He takes a
deep breath and continues. "The way the winds are blowing, you'll probably
serve a few years of juvenile detention, then a few more years of house
arrest."
Lev knows he should be relieved by this, but the
feeling is slow in coming. He considers the idea of house arrest. "Whose
house?'' he asks.
He can tell Pastor Dan reads everything between the
lines of that question. "You have to understand, Lev, your parents are the
kind of people who can't bend without breaking."
"Whose house?"
Pastor Dan sighs. "When your parents signed the
unwind order, you became a ward of the state. After what happened at the
harvest camp, the state offered to return custody to your parents, but they
refused it. I'm sorry."
Lev is not surprised. He's horrified, but not
surprised. Thoughts of his parents bring up the old feelings that drove him
crazy enough to become a clapper. But now he finds that sense of despair is no longer
bottomless. "So is my last name 'Ward' now?"
"Not necessarily. Your brother Marcus is
petitioning for guardianship. If he gets it, you'll be in his care whenever
they let you go. So you'll still be a Calder . . . that is, if you want to
be."
Lev nods his approval, thinking back to his tithing
party and how Marcus was the only one to stand up for him. Lev hadn't understood
it at the
time. "My parents
disowned Marcus, too." At least he knows he'll be in good company.
Pastor Dan straightens out his shirt and shivers a bit
from the cold. He doesn't really look like himself today. This is the first
time Lev has seen him without his pastor's clothes. "Why are you dressed
like that, anyway?"
He takes a moment before he answers. "I resigned
my position. I left the church."
The thought of Pastor Dan being anything but Pastor
Dan throws Lev for a loop. "You . . . you lost your faith?"
"No," he says, "just my convictions. I
still very much believe in God—just not a god who condones human tithing."
Lev begins to feel himself choking up with an
unexpected flood of feeling, all the emotions that had been building up
throughout their talk—throughout the weeks—arriving all at once, like a sonic
boom. "I never knew that was a choice."
All his life there was only one thing Lev was allowed
to believe. It had surrounded him, cocooned him, constricted him with the same
stifling softness as the layers of insulation around him now. For the first
time in his life, Lev feels those bonds around his soul begin to loosen.
"You think maybe I can believe in that God,
too?"
69 Unwinds
There's a sprawling ranch in west Texas.
The money to build it came from oil that had long
since dried up, but the money remained and multiplied. Now there's a whole
compound, an oasis as green as a golf course in the middle of the flat, wild
plains. This is where Harlan Dunfee grew to the age of sixteen, finding trouble
along the way. He was arrested for disorderly behavior twice in Odessa, but his father, a big-shot admiral,
got him off both times. The third time, his parents came up with a different
solution.
Today is Harlan Dunfee's twenty-sixth birthday. He's
having a party. Of sorts.
There are hundreds of guests at Harlan's party. One of
them is a boy by the name of Zachary, though his friends know him as Emby. He's
been living here at the ranch for some time now, waiting for this day. He has
Harlan's right lung. Today, he gives it back to Harlan.
* * *
At the same time, six hundred miles to the west a
wide-bodied jet lands in an airplane graveyard. The jet is full of crates, and
each crate contains four Unwinds. As the crates are opened, a teenage boy peers
out of one, not sure what to expect. He's faced by a flashlight, and when the
flashlight lowers he can see that it's not an adult who opened the crate but
another kid. He wears khaki clothes and he smiles at them, showing braces on a
set of teeth that don't seem to need them. "Hi, my name's Hayden, and I'll
be your rescuer today," he announces, "Is everyone safe and sound in
there?"
"We're fine," says the young Unwind.
"Where are we?"
"Purgatory," says Hayden. "Also known
as Arizona."
The young Unwind steps out of the crate, terrified of
what might be in store for him. He stands in the processional of kids being
herded along, and, against Hayden's warning, bangs his head on the door of the
cargo hold as he steps out. The harsh light of day and the blistering heat
assault him as he walks down a ramp to the ground. He can tell this isn't an
airport, and yet there are planes everywhere.
In the distance a golf cart rolls toward them, kicking
up a plume of red dust. The crowd falls silent as it approaches. As it comes to
a stop, the driver steps out. He's a man with serious scars over half of his
face. The man speaks quietly for a moment with Hayden, then addresses the
crowd.
It's then that the young Unwind realizes this is not a
man but just another kid, one not much older than himself. Perhaps it's the
scars on his face that make him look older— or maybe it's just the way he
carries himself.
"Let me be the first to welcome you all to the
Graveyard," he says. "Officially, my name is E. Robert Milliard. . .
." He smiles. "But everyone calls me Connor."
* * *
The Admiral never returned to the Graveyard. His
health would not allow it. Instead, he's at his family's Texas ranch, in the care
of a wife who left him years before. Although he's weak and can't get around
well anymore, he hasn't changed much. "The doctors say only 25 percent of
my heart is still alive," he tells anyone who asks. "It'll do."
What has kept him alive more than anything else is the
prospect of Harlan's big party. You could say that those terrifying stories
about "Humphrey Dunfee" are true. At last, all his parts have been
found, all the recipients have been gathered. But there will be no surgeries
here—in
spite of the rumors, rebuilding Harlan piece by piece was never the plan. But
the Dunfees are putting their son together in the only meaningful way
they can.
He's here even now, as the Admiral and his wife step
into their garden. He's in the voices of their many party guests, talking and
laughing. There are men and women of all ages. Each wears a name tag, but there
are no names on those tags. Today, names are unimportant.
RIGHT HAND reads the sticker on one young man's lapel.
He couldn't be any older than twenty-five.
"Let me see," says the Admiral.
The man holds out his hand. The Admiral looks it over
until he finds a sear between the thumb and forefinger. "I took Harlan
fishing when he was nine. He got that sear trying to gut a trout."
And then there's a voice from behind him—another
man, a little bit older than the first.
"I remember!" he says. The Admiral smiles.
Perhaps the memories are spread out, but they're here—every one
of them.
He catches that boy who insists on calling himself
Emby milling around at the edge of the garden by himself, wheezing less now
that he's finally been put on the proper asthma medication. "What are you
doing over here?" the Admiral asks. "You should be over with the
others."
"I don't know anybody."
"Yes, you do," says the Admiral. 'You just
don't realize it yet." And he leads Emby toward the crowd.
* * *
Meanwhile, in the airplane graveyard, Connor speaks to
the new arrivals as they stand outside the jet that brought them here. Connor
is amazed that they listen to him. He's amazed that he actually commands their
respect. He'll never get used to that.
"You're all here because you were marked for
unwinding but managed to escape, and, thanks to the efforts of many people,
you've found your way here. This will be your home until you turn seventeen and
become a legal adult. That's the good news. The bad news is that they know all
about us. They know where we are and what we're doing. They let us stay here
because they don't see us as a threat."
And then Connor smiles.
"Well, we're going to change that."
As Connor talks, he makes eye contact with every one
of them, making sure he remembers each of their faces. Making sure each of them
feels recognized. Unique. Important.
"Some of you have been through enough and just
want to survive to seventeen," he tells them. "I don't blame you. But
I know that some of you are ready to risk everything to end unwinding once and
for all."
"Yeah," screams a kid from the back, and
pumping his fist in the air he begins chanting, "Happy Jack! Happy
Jack!" A few kids join in, until everyone realizes this is not what Connor
wants. The chants quickly die down.
"We
will not be blowing up chop shops," he says. "We're not going to feed
into their image of us as violent kids who are better off unwound. We will think
before we act—and that's going to make it difficult for them. We'll
infiltrate harvest camps and unite Unwinds across the country. We'll free kids
from buses, before they even arrive. We will have a voice, and we will use it.
We will make ourselves heard." Now the crowd can't hold back their cheers,
and this time Connor allows it. These kids have been beaten down by life, but
there's an energy now in the Graveyard that's beginning to fill each and even'
one of them. Connor remembers that feeling. He had it when he first arrived
here.
"I don't know what happens to our consciousness
when we're unwound," says Connor. "I don't even know when that
consciousness starts. But I do know this." He pauses to make sure all of
them are listening. "We have a right to our lives!"
The kids go wild.
"We have a right to choose what happens to our
bodies!"
The cheers reach fever pitch.
"We deserve a world where both those things are
possible—
and it's our job to help make that world."
* *
*
Meanwhile, excitement is also building at the Dunfee
ranch. The buzz of conversations around the garden grows to a roar as more and
more people connect. Emby shares his experiences with a girl who has the left
match to his right lung. A woman talks about a movie she never saw, with a man
who remembers the friends he never saw it with. And as the Admiral and his wife
watch, something amazing happens.
The conversations begin to converge!
Like water vapor crystallizing into the magnificent,
unique form of a snowflake, the babble of voices coalesces into a single
conversation.
"Look over there! He fell off that wall when he
was—"
"—six! Yes—I remember!"
"He had to wear a wrist brace for months."
"The wrist still hurts when it rains."
"He shouldn't have climbed the wall."
"I had to—I was being chased by a bull."
"I was so scared!"
"The flowers in that field—do you
smell them?"
"They remind me of that one summer—"
"—when my asthma wasn't so bad—"
"—and I felt like I could do anything."
"Anything!"
"And the world was just waiting for me!"
The Admiral grips his wife's arm. Neither can hold
back their tears—not tears of sorrow but of awe. If the rest of his heart
were to stop now, in this moment, the Admiral would die more content than any
man on Earth.
He looks at the crowd and says weakly,
"H-Harlan?"
Every eye in the garden turns toward him. A man raises
his hand to his throat, touching it gently, and says in a voice that is most
definitely Harlan Dunfee's, just a bit older, "Dad?"
The Admiral is so overwhelmed by emotion he cannot
speak, and so his wife looks at the man before her, at the people beside her,
at the crowd all around her, and she says:
"Welcome home."
* * *
Six hundred miles away, in the airplane graveyard, a
girl plays a grand piano sheltered beneath the wing of a battered jet that was
once Air Force One. She plays with a rare sort of joy in defiance of her
wheelchair, and her sonata lifts the spirits of all the new arrivals. She
smiles at them as they go by and continues to play, making it clear that this
furnace of a place, full of planes that cannot fly, is more than it seems. It
is a womb of redemption for every Unwind, and for all those who fought the
Heartland War and lost—which was everybody.
Connor lets Risa's music fill him as he watches the
new arrivals being greeted by the thousands of kids already here. The sun has
begun to set, taking the edge off the heat, and the rows of jets at this time
of day create pleasing patterns of shadow on the hard earth. Connor has to
smile. Even a place as harsh as this can be beautiful in a certain light.
Connor takes it all in—the music, the voices, the desert,
and the sky. He has his work cut out for him, changing the world and all, but
things are already in motion; all he has to do is keep up the momentum. And he
doesn't have to do it alone. He has Risa, Hayden, and every Unwind here. Connor
takes a deep breath and releases it along with his tension. At last, he allows
himself the wonderful luxury of hope.
[end]