The Transformer
Book 2 of the
Transformer Trilogy
Copyright © 1983 by M. A. Foster
1
"Civilization
is not technology, as those who rely too heavily on technology find out. This
is an error of both perception and judgment, which normally leads to conclusions
which are dire, if not fatal."
—H.C.,
Atropine
CESAR KHAM WAITED for the
arrival of the Regents, occupying the time by reminding himself who he was now
and where he was. To mistake one mutable identity for another, here, now, could
have unpleasant consequences, not only for himself, but for many others. He
began by denying the name, and the identity that went with it, an identity
cultivated for almost two decades of standard years on Oerlikon. I am not,
here, Cesar Kham. If these people know that name at all, it is only as an
obscure footnote to a datascan. That means nothing here. Here, on Heliarcos, I
am Czermak Pentrel'k, which is who I was a long time ago. The name was
strange, seemed not to fit. He had come to think of himself as Cesar Kham, as
had most of the long-timers in the Oerlikon Project. That was why so many of
them retired there, still in the possession of their clandestine secrets. As
many had been the flaws of Oerlikon, one got used to it, to its verities that
changed, if at all, so slowly that the rate was imperceptible.
Some things
remained the same, here as well. But one had to be observant, cautious. He
forced himself to observe the chamber in which he waited, not just
receive impressions: bare, sparse, functional. There were some plain desks, for
administrative aides, behind him, now empty. There was a podium at the place
where he would stand, surrounded by a simple wooden rail on three sides. Before
him, a long table covered by a metallic cloth. There were backless chairs, stools,
behind that table. The ceiling was high and illuminated from the sides; the
walls were hung with heavy draperies. As far as he could determine from where
he stood, a point precisely located at the spot which divided the length of the
room into the Golden Ratio, the room was a perfect cube.
Pentrel'k
had chosen to wear the clothing of a service technician. This was a simple
tunic top with a Roman collar, and pants of plain cut, both a uniform gray. In
this clothing, he made a statement to those who would come here—that he
considered himself a simple workman, of no pretensions. He had only done the
duty that had been required of him by extraordinary circumstances. He had,
formally, the right to wear the academic gown and the badges of excellence he
had earned long ago, but he had left them behind. Arunda Palude would be doing
the same, by common consent. Arunda? No longer. Here, she was Morelat
Eickarinst.
They would
see here not a professed member of their own exclusive circles, but a
technician, a workman, a fixer. Pentrel'k was of less than average height,
stocky of build, bald, with a slightly sallow complexion. His face was notable
for a heavy, lumpy nose, deep-set brown eyes, a mouth which was harsh and
sensual at the same time. His beard, shaven (even here) and not depilated,
showed as a faint steel-blue sheen along the lines of his jaw.
Behind him,
he heard the door open, and a rustling began, unbroken by conversation. He did
not look around. Presently the Regents filed to the front of the hearing room
and in line took their places, remaining standing until all were in place,
whereupon they all sat, like a single organism. There were seven, and in this
room, in this conclave, they held something more than the power of Life and
Death.
They all
wore dark gowns which concealed their bodies, and hoods. The gowns were
ornamented only with small colored diamonds on the sleeves, right, left, or
both. The one in the center wore two such diamonds, white, on the left. This
one opened a bound document, without rattling it, and began immediately,
without ceremony, "You are Czermak Pentrel'k."
"That
is correct."
The central
member continued, "You maintained on the world Oerlikon the identity
Cesar Kham." The remarks were not intoned as questions, but as
statements.
"I was
so assigned."
"What
were your duties there?"
Kham-Pentrel'k
began, "I was Senior Field Evaluator."
"Explain
in some detail, please."
"My
function was to maintain security of the mission, and to evaluate all
expressions of change, such as revolutionary movements, as well as activities
on the part of the local government authorities. I spent the majority of my
time in the city Marula, in the province Clisp, and in selected locations from
which government power was exercised."
A Regent,
second left from center asked, "Did you act independently or with
permission?"
"Normally,
with coordination and direction from Mission Central. There were circumstances
when I could act voluntarily, but this was not required until the last
events."
The central
Regent now asked, "What did you do then, and why?"
Pentrel'k
began slowly, as if trying to recall with exactitude, "I was in Clisp,
evaluating an odd incident, and making normal reports through our mnemonicist,
Arunda Palude. I came to understand that I was, for unknown reasons, suddenly
cut off from Central. Simultaneously, seemingly out of the ground, a series of
rapid changes began happening. The situation in Clisp rapidly changed, and the
locals there took control of their own affairs, seeing that the government was
preoccupied. They were not challenged. I made my way back to Central, to
report in person, and by the time I got there, disintegration of the central
authority, that is, for the locals, was well advanced, and a low-grade civil
war was on. Also the Head of Mission was absent, reportedly mad, and wandering
somewhere. The Second Head of Mission was acting in an incompetent manner.
Palude and I took command of the mission and salvaged what we could. Those who
wished to leave Oerlikon were given a fair chance at it, and most made it. I
turned Porfirio Charodei over to the authorties here when we arrived."
"We
have discussed events on Oerlikon with Charodei. You need not inquire his real
identity."
Pentrel'k
made no comment.
The central
Regent continued, "Charodei has made some statements about events on
Oerlikon which are difficult to credit."
"I have
heard some of these. At first, I did not believe them, but later I met the
Lisak who claimed to have set the events off, and his story matched exactly
with Charodei's. I worked with this individual for some time, and grew to
distrust him greatly. He most urgently wished to come here. I suspected a
devious plot on his part, revenge, whatnot, and had him ejected into
space."
The second
on the left said, "We understand the pressure of events was demanding; on
the whole you did extremely well. Yet, one can question the judgment involved
in the execution of Luto Pternam. His organization had succeeded in an area of
research we have not mastered to that degree yet, and his knowledge would have
been invaluable."
Pentrel'k
said, "I accept the criticism; yet also I say that I had the weight of
decision; and Pternam had created a force that was out of control, and was
wrecking his . . ."
"Yes?"
"I was
going to say 'country,' but it was rather more than that. He held us
responsible for the ruin of his world, and I felt certain his eagerness to
come here was to unleash another such creature on us, and see us in the same
ruin as his people."
"That
is most irrational. We did not ruin his country. He did."
Pentrel'k
paused, and said, "I had the testimony of Pternam, and also that of
Charodei. There were others whom we were able to interrogate. Given the
equipment and time, he could probably do it again. On Oerlikon, whatever the
creature did was limited to that world. I did not feel secure in bringing him
here, but to secure his cooperation, I agreed to allow him to board the
lighter."
The Second
said, "You assumed we would let him operate unsupervised?"
"He
found a way to do it there, which I would not have thought possible. We had
evaluated Lisagor as being impermeable to ambitious plots. Yet Pternam made
such an attempt. He failed only because his creation was too
successful."
"You believe that Pternam
actually made up some sort of.. . assassin?" "More than that! Some
kind of changeling, and reportedly possessed of an ability to see into the
heart of a society and bring it down." "We know. We heard it all, of
Charodei. And something else we heard of Charodei: immortal."
"I
heard that and discounted it."
"Charodei
didn't. Given what we have on the changeling, it may be possible. That is why
we have such high regrets that you left both Pternam and his creature
behind."
Pentrel'k
did not flinch. He said, "I remind you I had my hands full with recovering
our people out of there. It could have turned against us and there'd have been
one hell of a massacre. We lived minute by minute. As it was, we got out clean,
and those who stayed were not endangered. As for Pternam, you have my reasons.
I was there: I saw what happened to Lisagor."
"We
cannot fault the empiricism of your knowledge, nor the accomplishments you
performed under stress. So now we wish to know what happened to the creature—what
you know of it."
"I know
little, and that through Charodei and others. They thought they had it trapped
after it changed, and then it vanished. There was a report that a woman Azart
vanished during a raid in Marula, where she was. It was widely assumed by those
who knew about the changeling that it was killed then, by accident."
The Regents
looked at one another, up and down the line. At last the one in the center
spoke, "But this was not confirmed."
"No. If
I may add, I can say that Pternam had access to these reports and doubted them.
He was obsessed with the idea that the creature would come after him and would
live through anything to do so. I saw no evidence to support this objectively
and devoted the time to the primary mission."
"Charodei
claimed that this creature was trained in survival attitudes and methodology in
addition to its . . . other talents. And he also said that when acting in his
role as member of the revolutionaries, he had operatives in contact with the
creature, and that Pternam insisted on killing it."
"I
heard that, of Pternam. I did not hear that they were successful."
"Indeed.
We have a report from another informant that the operative assigned to the
creature was found dead." "In the raid on Marula. . . ."
"No. Not in the raid. An accident. Witnesses said he had been playing
in a game, and was injured. There
had been a woman with him. She disappeared."
Pentrel'k
said nothing.
The central member said,
"The prime computation is that the creature Pternam made changed identity
and survived." Again, Pentrel'k said nothing. "Let me explore this a
little for you. . . . What we have, at large on
Oerlikon, is a human who can
initiate severe and extreme bodily changes, major structural modifications,
without burning itself up in metabolic stress. This bespeaks fine control of an
area we can't control ourselves. Plus its apparent immortality. For these
reasons alone we would wish to examine it. But there is something more."
Pentrel'k
ventured, "What more could you want of it."
"Not
what we want of it, but that we defend ourselves from it?"
Pentrel'k said, hesitating, "Ah
. . . what I heard of it was that it was highly oriented to its own world; I
could see no reason then, on Oerlikon, to worry about its having an offworld
target. I still see none." The outermost member on the right said,
"Did you hear in your contacts who this creature was originally?"
"I
heard that it originally had been an elderly woman, a person of no consequence
who was picked up by Pternam's goons."
"Does
the name Jedily Tulilly mean anything to you?"
"No.
That was, I believe, the name of the subject Pternam started with. The name has
no significance to me."
The Regents
now stopped and glanced at each other, all up and down the line, with a slow,
measured cadence, the stuff of nightmares. Now Pentrel'k knew for certain that
they were playing with him. Now they would reel the line in closer.
The central
member said, "Charodei also knew nothing about that name, even though he
has so reported it. We know that in the initial training and changes Pternam
caused the creature to undergo, it forgot much; who could blame it? It knows
the name, and that's an Oerlikon name, at that, but as far as we know, that is
all it has of the identity. Yet if it survived, would it not come to want to
know who it had been? Wouldn't you, had such an event happened to you?"
"I
would want to know, yes. Sooner or later."
"This
must not happen."
"Your
pardon, Regent?"
"Pternam
did not know what he had taken, the woman who called herself Jedily Tulilly in
Lisagor on Oerlikon. You do not know. Charodei did not know. Palude did not
know. We know. She was not a native of that world, and . . ."
"Yes?"
"... if
that creature, assumed alive and well-hidden, starts looking for who he was,
and finds anything, that would not be desirable." "Continue."
"If it unravels who Jedily Tulilly was and why she was on Oerlikon in
the condition she was in, we can
expect a visitor .. . here, on Heliarcos, perhaps other places. An immortal
assassin who can change identity."
Pentrel'k
interrupted, "Surely you don't think that that creature can get off
Oerlikon, with no more connection than that place has with the rest of the
worlds, and find its way successfully here, or anywhere else. .. ."
"If it
remembers, or if it can deduce it out, it will have the necessary motivation.
And we don't know who we are looking for. Do you see some of the problem?"
"Quarantine
Oerlikon. That's simple enough." "It's already broken. We cannot
impose embargo without revealing the reason why we wish it imposed."
Pentrel'k suddenly felt more confidence. He was still in piercing
danger, but they still had use for
him. He said, "Somebody did something to Tulilly . . . something
secret."
The central
Regent said, "It is not important that you know what that was; or who
Tulilly was in reality, or what she did. A heinous punishment for a heinous
crime, that's the word. You also need not know who pronounced the sentence. You
do very much need to comprehend the magnitude of this problem."
"Knowing
no more than I do, it is difficult, but I do see that you do not wish to have
this creature perambulating about."
"Exactly!
We would like to have it here, for study, since we have lost Pternam and his
files; but under control. Under iron control, and from Charodei's testimony, we
are not sure we can control it. He reported Pternam feared it and took
extraordinary security precautions. Failing that, we want it eradicated."
Pentrel'k
said, "I see your desires clearly; but as the former Cesar Kham, a field
operative, I would doubt the wisdom of trying to do both." "Not both.
One or the other. Known and demonstrable security, or elimination."
"Who will accomplish this mission?" he asked, but he already knew
most of the answer.
"As you
say, Cesar Kham is a field operative, a specialist in security."
"Cesar Kham is no
specialist in murder and kidnapping."
"You
secured the net; you took actions, where required."
"Cesar
Kham made decisions; technicians, specialists, carried those decisions out."
Again, the
mutual glancing back and forth. At last, the central Regent said, reflectively,
"This may not be germane. Yet you and Palude are the ranking survivors of
the mission on Oerlikon, and you are certainly more knowledgeable about
conditions there than anyone else. You yourself we know to be a sensitive
investigator."
"All
else aside, I appreciate your confidence. But if you have followed my career as
closely as I assume you have, you also know that I did not unravel the last
events in Clisp in time. Had I done so, perhaps I could have averted . .
."
The central
Regent said, "No. You couldn't have. You wouldn't have suspected this kind
of penetration. But now of course you can." Pentrel'k nodded. "Yes. I
suppose so. Damned difficult, though. You understand the difficulties?"
"We have some measure of it. You will have to be extremely cautious, and
not alert it, because if it thinks you are hunting it, it has, apparently,
ways to perceive your approach. So
you won't get but one chance.
And . . ."
"And?
Yes?"
"Don't
miss. We can't send backup to Oerlikon, and once it gets loose in space, we
cannot predict what it will do."
"I
think I understand what you have in mind. I assume all the necessary
arrangements have been made." "Correct. We knew you would not
refuse." "What choices do I have?" "None." "May I
speak with Charodei? He knows things about this I didn't
have time to cover in more than
cursory detail. . . ."
"Denied.
A full report text will be made available to you. Many more than Charodei were
interrogated, and the results have been synthesized. Charodei .. . is
unavailable."
"I see. When do I get to
consult with Palude?" "Immediately. She is waiting outside. She has
the report. She also has the names you must contact there. That is all."
It was dismissal. Yet he waited, before turning from the examination dock.
"What fault will you have against me if I kill it?" "None.
Assess proper risk and do what you must. There will be no censure. You have
that under seal." "At the risk of the charge of impertinence, may I
ask if I will be enlightened as to the ultimate causes of your concern?"
The central
Regent smiled a most unpleasant smile. "In the normal course of events,
after your return from the field, permanently, you might well reach the Board
of Regents; possession of this data pertaining to the Tulilly case is an
integral part of the process of acceptance of the responsibility of office.
Possession and acquiescence with, in full."
"Then
there is something I would have to agree to."
"You
might say that."
"Are
there those who refuse to . . . acquiesce?"
"There
have been some."
"What
happens in these cases?"
"They
share Tulilly's portion. Are there any further questions? Then you have leave
to depart. Palude waits outside, and has the details." The Regents stood,
abruptly, folding their hands in their voluminous sleeves, in the formal manner
of their tradition. The interview was over.
2
"Individuals
attain the power, the Mana, to create something
merely by
asking for it; Institutions, at vast and great labor, ob
tain finally
the power to obstruct."
—H.C.,
Atropine
THIS TIME, THEY would wait
for him to leave the hearing room, after which the Regents would leave in their
own good time. Pentrel'k stepped out of the auditor's podium, and walked
briskly across the room to the tall, narrow doors, which opened as he reached
them. He passed through without looking back, or to either side. Once outside
the hearing room, he turned right and walked down a long corridor, his
footfalls echoing. On either side were closed doors at regular intervals:
examination rooms, similar to the one he had just left. The only lighting came
from translucent skylights high overhead, and suspended from the distant peaked
roof, long, severe chandeliers dimly illuminated from within. At the end of the
building was an immense stained-glass window stretching from floor to ceiling.
As he
walked, he reflected that in his long years on Oerlikon, he had forgotten how
different Heliarcos was: on Oerlikon, in Lisagor, the buildings were large,
firmly founded, plain, enduring. The crowds flowed among them like children,
most of them content to let the higher-ups worry about things, amusing
themselves with the anarchy of Dragon, their only game. The streets were level,
more or less, gently curving, filled with the constant hum of the soft tyres of
the velocipedes. But on Heliarcos . ..
There was
considerable use of stone on Heliarcos, mostly granite, and since the inhabited
lands were hilly, or mountainous, there were abrupt changes of level. The
streets were dark cobblestones, the buildings gray granite, built in a spiky,
abrupt style the archaicists called neo-gothic. Most of the traffic was on
foot, mixed with three-wheeled teardrop-shaped metal cars on the broader ways,
that went by silently, their windows opaqued. Here, you could hear the wind in
the groves of conifers, the spatter of runoff from the downspouts . . . little
else. Passing footsteps.
Pentrel'k
stopped only when he reached the foyer of the examination building, and from a
dim little cloakroom off the entrance, retrieved one of the basic garments of
this part of Heliarcos: a long raincoat with a hood, which he put on hurriedly,
and pulled the hood up. Then he stepped outside.
The front of
the examination building was a broad plaza, joined to the streets by long
stairs, which were flanked with enormous granite pots, each housing ornamental
junipers of ancient aspect, oversize bonsai. Palude was waiting beside the
first of these, in the rain. At the sight of the trees and Palude, Pentrel'k
glanced at the leaden sky, now beginning to darken into a pale blue dusk of a
rainy day. It was late.
He walked
directly to the woman, and said, "Well, I am here, as you can see."
Palude
nodded. "So I see. And so you also agreed to go back?"
"Yes. I
assume they offered you the same choices they offered me . . . none."
She said,
"Yes. You understand we are fortunate in that regard. Very few of the
returnees got anything. They might conceivably have been better off to have
stayed on Oerlikon."
Pentrel'k
said, softly, "They thought along the same lines I did, as you did: that
we'd all have some reward for getting as much out as we did." He
daydreamed, aloud, "We'd all come back here, go back into the Instructional
Branches, do research .. . I would have taught a series of courses on Tactical
Theory .. . I suppose we were all a bit naive."
Palude
nodded again, "Yes. I don't know what happened to most. The ones I do know
of . . . well, it's not so good. A lot of those got the stoneworks."
"And Charodei?" She
shrugged. "To interrogation. Wise not to ask too closely beyond
that."
"I
quite agree; it was close in there. They said nothing, mind you—it was what
they didn't say. There was no need for them to. And so here we are, standing in
the rain like a couple of bedraggled bosels! Shall we wind on down the hill and
find a dry place in which to compare notes and plan strategies?"
"Yes."
Palude glanced up at the rapidly darkening clouds. "We can go down in the
lower city. The student taverns will be enough for us. No one will notice us
there. And we should do so without delay: I have booked passage already."
"How did you know I
would come?" "I didn't. They told me it would be me and one other.
Presumably they had a replacement if you failed to meet their
expectations." Pentrel'k snorted as he started off down the stairs,
"Hmff! They couldn't replace us and they knew it." Palude joined him.
"Not both. But either one they could have re
placed."
"When
do we leave?"
"Tomorrow."
Heliarcos was a small planet at the
outer section of its primary's life zone; its warmest climatic zone was
decidedly cool by human standards. Both poles were under permanent ice caps.
With considerable axial tilt, and a fast rotation, it had changeable, stormy
weather. Its parent star was a relatively young F8 type of an odd color between
oyster and the palest of yellows, and when it did shine through the clouds, it
seemed both brighter and larger than the sun of Earth, despite the greater distance.
The surface
was highly mineralized with heavy elements, and the life forms few in type and
rather unspecialized. Its discoverers had pronounced it "a mountainous
Permian," and rated it for the mineral concessions. The habitable land
surface was simply too small, and the climate too severe, for large-scale human
habitation.
One
well-known account described it: "Fogs and mists, and when none of those,
rain, snow, hail, at any season, often mixed in the same storm, or all at once.
The vegetation is all dull green, and no flowers break the monotony. The animal
life either placidly munches conifers, or else, almost as placidly, munches
other animals. The animals are silent—they issue forth no challenges, mating
calls, or expressions of well-being. One might wait years to hear even a
serious grunt of exertion. Their reproductive methodology is efficient and
uninspiring, their forms generalized and lumplike, a committee's-eye view of an
evolutionary scheme. They stalk or repulse attacks with stolid persistence."
In the end, the explorer had begged to be relieved of his post, resorting to
the final damnation in French: "J'ai le Cafardl" This was
boredom, L'Ennui, beyond hope.
Heliarcos
had one advantage, however: it had a priceless location close by busy and populous
systems, and because of its mineral deposits, rapidly became self-supporting.
Several academic groups, seeing its possibilities for a convenient retreat,
early established institutions of higher learning. Certain religious groups
also moved onto the planet to make retreats and monastic communities. These,
with the mining concessions, became the dominant form of human inhabitation
there, and in a relatively short time, the three types of organization grew to
resemble one another, and finally became indistinguishable. In this last phase,
off-planet governments and industrial concerns set up research groups, which
fit in without a ripple. The process had been completed.
The history
of Heliarcos was utterly unlike any other planet's; there were no kings,
presidents, statesmen, conquerors or revolutionaries— likewise there had been
no countries, empires, states, principalities or interregnums. The larger
habitable continent was parcelled out more or less equitably to the various
groups, and the smaller one, by common consent, left wild and uninhabited by
humans. Supported by ofifplanet organizations and the specialty mineral trade,
there had never been an opportunity for nationalism to develop. And in effect,
the planet had no central government, nor even its own currency. It became a
place devoted exclusively to the cultivation of the mind, whose predominant
cultural form was an institute of learning surrounded by the support activities
necessary to a functioning human community.
Heliarcos,
then, became a place whose unique product was the distillation of human
learning: a university whose scale and diversity had never been attempted
before in a single location. To this harsh little world came the best of all
the worlds, to undergo courses of instruction, to receive professional
finishing and polish, and to sharpen the muscles of the mind. Through its
contacts with the other worlds, it carried an influence far greater than could
have been obtained through armies or political power, and was agreed by all to
be neutral ground—whatever the factional issue. It became, in its own way,
immensely powerful, and men and women who were high in the society of Heliarcos
had few equals elsewhere and were indebted to fewer. The governments who ruled
unruly men had their locations elsewhere, but the influence of the Regents and
Proctors of Heliarcos reached out through an intricate network onto all worlds,
even some that knew of Heliarcos only by the dimmest of rumors.
The organization to which Cesar Kham
and Arunda Palude belonged had originally been founded as a study institute
whose purpose was to examine the ways humans adapted to new environments, or
invented new cultural forms for newly opened planets. This had rapidly grown
into several specialized areas, which had in turn given birth to even more
specializations. Major areas included language, sociology, anthropology,
political science, history, literature, as well as what were politely known as
"support disciplines," such as computer science, mathematics, and
physics, although these latter were not pursued with the single-minded devotion
they knew at institutes where they were studied as the primary arts.
The Oerlikon
Project, as it had been known, had been a joint field project supported by
several major departments, and coordinated by its own semi-independent
operations staff, which had of course grown in time and gradually assumed its
own inertia. This situation could have endured indefinitely, until either the
Opstaff changed, or until a revolution occurred on Oerlikon. Neither had been
considered likely Now, of course, all had been changed. The flow of students
and field operatives onto Oerlikon had stopped, and those people who had
escaped from Oerlikon had to be placed somewhere, as well as the now-unnecessary
Opstaff members. It had been a trying time, a demanding time, and in a changing
situation, it was natural that many expectations could not be fulfilled, which
was a delicate way of putting it.
This
particular inhabited area was called Pompitus Hall, from a once-prominent
building which housed, originally, a small mathematics faculty. The Oerlikon
operations staff had taken up two rooms of the original hall. But as the
complexity of the operation had grown, it had gradually taken over the whole building,
spread into several annexes, which had been consolidated back into newer
buildings and rebuildings, and in turn sprouted further annexes. The Upper town
was devoted to the faculty buildings proper, while lower down the slopes the
Lower town filled a narrow river valley.
Kham and
Palude made their way through the rapidly falling darkness and rain down the
hill, through the housing areas into the town proper. The streets were still
narrow and paved with granite cobblestones, but the buildings became smaller
and somewhat more erratic in design. Here the streets were busy, and windows
were lighted. Crowds passed along the streets in easy confusion, and commercial
places, hardly noticed during the day, now came to life. After some searching,
they settled on a modest place calling itself The Armonela Inn, which had a
large lower public room fronting on the river and warmed by several
fireplaces. This was quiet, and frequented by students who appeared to wish to
finish some studying away from the faculty buildings; the room was modestly
lit, and free of heavy drinking and noise. Despite the quiet, however, it was
well-filled, and they had to wait for one of the more secluded booths.
Pentrel'k and Morelat Eickarinst
ordered a simple meal of braised fowl and dumplings, assigning the cost to the
accounts of the Bursar of the Faculty, a procedure that was accepted without
question. After a short delay, the meal was served and they set to it without
ceremony or talk; for both of them the day had been both long and trying, and
in fact they had both gone without lunch. They had serious matters to settle,
and it could not be covered well by small talk between bites, for they were
neither on a party nor an evening's pleasant games; this was serious business.
After
dinner, however, over steaming mugs of the astringent tea which was the
specialty of the house, flavored heavily with resin and some other acidic
flavor which neither of them could identify, they began exploring the subject
at hand. By this time the crowd had thinned a little, and they would be left
alone.
Pentrel'k
opened the discussion. "Well, as of tomorrow we will assume our
identities of old. I will be Cesar Kham, and you Arunda Palude. We may as well
resume tonight."
Palude
raised her mug in a slight salute. "Indeed. Of course, being a
mnemonicist, I never forgot Morelat, but I did put it off a bit. I never knew
you, anyway, as Czermak."
"Of
course not. We were of different classes. I had been on Oerlikon for some time
when you came."
"I know.
You did not matriculate here, did you?"
"No.
Calomark. In the south. But enough of that, I suppose; we will have time to
fill this in as we go." Here Kham betrayed a facet of his character that
few ever saw. Secretive and careful to the point of willful paranoia within
the guise of his assignment, he was abrupt and tactless with relationships in
reality. He continued, "I assume you have had some access to the
debriefings they have worked up."
"Yes—indeed,
they let me see all of it, as soon as it was set in that I would be going
back."
"Conclusions
that they saw?"
"None.
I read, I studied, I reflected. I made no report. But it would be less than
accurate to say that I saw in the reports what they did."
Kham
observed, "I should think they would see more. I mean, they are here,
supervising, while we in the field . .."
"Not
necessarily so! In fact, I early on came to understand that the people in the
field were much more . . . What's that old student slang word we used to use?
Dapt. That's what we used to say. Meaning adept, able. And besides,
Mnemonicism-Integration is a difficult discipline, one you have to work at. I
am sure that none of these I've seen here can match my level without artificial
aids."
"Well,
whatever else we may say and do, I like your cynical candor. You kept it veiled
on Oerlikon."
"Womancraft,
Cesar. It is a part of discretion that a woman never reveals her true self
casually, be that selfiness ability of mind, strength of desire to achieve, or
sexual desire. It's a legacy of old oppressions that are not yet entirely
vanished. All subordinate peoples learn to dissemble, to walk clothed."
"Aha!
Then what is it you show me?"
"One
layer down. Not necessarily the reality."
"Well
said!"
"You
did rather well at this, yourself . . . Glist, on the other hand, always let
down too easily." "Glist was not, in my opinion, a good choice for
coordinator." "One gets what one gets." "Just so." He
sighed. "What kind of particulars have you managed to
build?"
She looked
down at her mug, which was empty, now. Palude raised it on high, for a moment,
and presently a waiter appeared, with a fresh pot. She shook her head. "I
now know things I missed there in the heat of the fray. Things I overlooked, or
didn't see at all. It is considerably more difficult than they make it out to
be."
"I had
an instinct for this and felt the same, although I could not justify it."
"That's
the tactician talking. It feels wrong. And you know the old tactical motto: 'If
it feels good, do it. Until it feels bad. Then quit.' This feels bad now, and
won't get any better; still, what choices do we have?"
"None.
Well, go on. What are we to face?"
"First:
We will have to determine if the subject is alive. Positive identification and
hard evidence. We do not in fact know now if it survived the tumults of
Marula. If it died or was killed, then the task is simple. We return an
report."
"We'll
have to see if Pternam left any records, notes, bring those—or what survives of
them."
"Or
destroy them there."
"How
so?"
"You
saw yourself what that creature, that thing could do. There, in that time, it
was limited in scope. It carried out its maker's instruction, and then pursued
its own survival. But Oerlikon was then a severely limited
environment—virtually encapsulated. It is not now. Also this: suppose we bring
back enough textual material to enable them to reach for the Morphodite again,
here? This world is not isolated, but interwoven with the whole human
community. If it goes rogue, we are not talking about one continent on one
world, but thousands."
"You
believe, then, that such a creature could do it?"
"Absolutely.
Now then—let's follow the other track. It lives. Very well. It will have to now
be a male, because no trace of the woman Damistofia Azart has ever been found.
Up to a point they trace her to a specific date and time. Then nothing. No
corpse, and no further movement."
"Some
held that it died."
"The
evidence I have suggests that it changed successfully and escaped, and went
somewhere to hide. It probably intended to do that anyway, because it knew that
too many people knew it as Damistofia, for her to follow any kind of normal
life."
"Well,
hellation and damnanimity! It could have made more than one change!"
"No. Only one. If it lived. The process is a horror to endure. It's like
experiencing death, directly. No. It won't change for casual reasons."
"That still doesn't help us. All we have done is eliminated half the
population!" "More than half—51.89 percent, to be exact. And we know
something else about it."
"What?"
"That
it's young. Probable mid-twenties, standard. And such a person won't have any
past. Also we know where to start looking. Clisp. Because Damistofia was in
Marula, and she had no contacts except what she could make on her own, so she wouldn't
be likely to leave Lisagor proper. And she wouldn't walk back into Crule—that's
where his/her enemies were. The only place she could go and vanish would be a
large city, like Marisol, in Clisp. It's the only logical place."
"Aha! I
see your drift "
"And
you know Clisp and Marisol... ."
"Indeed I do. But
it has some kind of ability to see what's going on around it." "Yes.
But that has limitations." "It's nice to know that." "No
need to be sarcastic. The creature has profound gifts, some given
it by Pternam, some of those
inadvertently, and a lot of what it developed of its own accord. But remember
this: its weakness is that its system isn't passive, and . . ."
"Explain."
"It has
a method of seeing conditions around it; but it has to 'ask,' as it were. It
has to look, and the process isn't easy. So it doesn't spend all its
time searching. . . ."
"So we
have to move without alarming it, or becoming visible to its powers . . . but .
. ." He stopped, puzzling over an impossible contradiction. Then he
continued, "I understand that the creature has the ability to see distant
events and circumstances that bear on it. If it looks, now, it can see that we
are coming!"
"Now,
let me explain what I think I know about what it does. This will help. It isn't
all-powerful. It has limits. I will describe what I believe to be its limits,
and you, the tactician, with an understanding of the territory, can then
conceive an attack."
"You
say that with some finality."
"I
don't want it brought here under any circumstances. Any."
"Well,
they don't either, unless it can be controlled."
"It
can't be controlled. Once alerted, it can find the place and time when it can
escape, or make a move that will bring the house down around us. They
underestimate it. I don't."
"Proceed."
"Its
ability to find the pivot of a society and change that is a by-product of the
system it uses to perceive events around it. Embedded in that theory, a
pseudotheory as Pternam thought it; but the way it really is, is that the
creature developed the perceptive system first, in secret. Or it saw in
Pternam's idea a germ of a greater truth."
"All
right. How does it do it?"
"Are
you familiar with the I Ching?"
"The
Book of Changes? Somewhat. I never studied it deeply."
"Basically,
it is a binary code of two-to-the-sixth-power states, with selected elements
being changeable according to specific rules. Sixty-four 'states' cover all
human events."
"Go
on."
"What
is your opinion of that?"
"Mysticism,
farrago, nonsense, occultism, fortune-telling. All other objections aside, I
believe in the influences of the application of Will and Desire, and of course,
it would seem that sixty-four conditions are much too shallow a reading."
"Well.
The I Ching, in the hands of an adept, has some remarkable powers that
defy rational explanation, as we define rationality. It is outside the bounds
of what we understand as causality. But throughout human history, it has never
been given up. Even now, we could go out to the street of the booksellers and
buy a copy. I would almost recommend it." Arunda Palude smiled at this,
as if the idea were too much to bear. "But however that is . . . have you
heard of the Tarot?"
"Distantly.
More fortune-telling."
"Instead
of sixty-four basic states, it has twenty-two."
"That's
less. So I would say it lacks subtlety."
"But in
the use of either system, the states interact. In an I Ching consultation,
if all lines are changeable, then you double the possibilities to one hundred
and twenty-eight. With Tarot, it's larger, because you consider twenty-two
values in a sequence of ten. Not twwenty-two to the tenth power, but twenty-two
partial factorial: still an enormous number. And so that is very subtle
indeed. And both of those two systems are founded on a base of some very shrewd
observations. Nevertheless all of the bases are arbitrary value judgments,
however well they approximate. You follow this?"
"Yes, I
think so. It's a good guess, but not scientific, so so speak."
"So.
Imagine a system with a base larger than Tarot, but worked out in practice
rather like the I Ching, with some 'lines' changeable. We didn't recover
his bases, or what he calls them, but we do know that there are fifty-five
values in the base sequence, and that the 'word' length is variable. And now
imagine that the values in the base sequence are not developed empirically,
but by ruthless scientific experimentation."
"I can
imagine such a concept, but it would be hard to remember it in practice."
"It consults by knowing the base values, and then performing specific
operations. There is some peculiar
mathematics involved, as well. At any rate, that is what it does. And the
system is, as far as we can determine, and for all practical purposes,
absolute."
"You
have this data as factual?"
"Observations
melded for commonality, from observers, remarks, things people heard it say, or
heard repeated."
"You
have done a remarkable job of getting that much."
"That's
about all I have. That's how it perceives. Now consider it received the most
intense training in the use of weapons, and of martial arts. Reputedly, it can
kill with bare hands, or build a nuclear weapon from scratch, or set up total
conversion objects. Whatever it needs to do the job."
"Then
this is much worse than I thought."
"Agreed.
Much, much worse. Our only chance will be in surprise."
Kham asked,
"Then you don't think we could capture it."
"No. I
don't think so."
"We
have a third choice."
"Which
is?"
"We
could help it escape."
"Why
ever would you say that?"
"If we
could contact it and persuade it to go away, somewhere. . . ."
"You
heard the Regents: it must not know who Jedily Tulilly was. It can,
theoretically, determine that from any place, if it becomes motivated to. Then
we have no idea what might happen." "Then it would seem that a
surprise attack from space, total sterilization of Oerlikon, might work."
"Conceivably.
If we knew it was on Oerlikon. And besides that, that option has been ruled
out." Palude stopped now and considered Cesar Kham across the table from
her. Bald, stocky, a powerful man who emitted absolute confidence in himself,
but with limits. And these limits were easy to seek, easy to find. A superb
tactician who thrived on emergencies, he totally lacked the long view, the
powerful sense of consequences, of karma, which the mnemonicist could
never escape. It was useless to try to provoke something out of him which did
not exist.
Kham said, "I understand that:
it would show the hand that guides." Palude nodded. "That would bring
much out into the open. You see, in a way, the Regents who set all this in
motion. . . ." Kham interrupted her.". . . The ones who set this in
motion are long since removed from retribution." "True. But the ones
who inherited, they feel limited, boxed in by
these circumstances. If they act,
they reveal. If they don't act, they get Jedily Tulilly back, but they don't
know when. So they try to find the middle."
"Hmf. A difficult path, this. You
understand we could die of this?" "Cesar, I understand that; and that
there are worse things than personal extinction."
"Oh,
yes, there I agree. I know that sense well. Many times. Now you speak my
language. So in that language, I ask you: why does this creature, who has
demonstrable powers, not attack immediately?"
Palude
looked off into the crowd. No one seemed to be observing them. If they had been
taken for anything, it would be as members of the faculty, out on an evening's
slumming, among the students. She leaned forward and said quietly, "We
have grown so used to illusory pseudopower, in human history, that we read the
real thing wrongly. One who thinks he has power—there's the one who
attacks, but the one who has the real thing, that one lies low, seeks the
unwatched space, the quiet time. It is the truthful confirmation, that we have
this strong suspicion that the creature yet lives, and yet it does
nothing."
"Then,
if I follow you aright, the Morphodite does not seek to apply his powers, to
rule, to revenge."
Palude said,
emphatically, "That is my analysis."
Kham
continued. "Then, paradoxically, there is little to fear from it, even if
it uncovers Jedily." Palude smiled. "Exactly." "Did you
make this point?" "I made it. It wasn't accepted." Kham pressed,
"Then they don't want it known, even if nothing happens. . . ."
"Correct."
"Did
they suggest anything to you?"
"About
Tulilly? No. They guard it well. I can follow the thread myself up to a point,
and then blank. There's a logic to it. She was dumped, so to speak, on
Oerlikon, for some reason. I've tried conjecture: nothing fits."
Kham now
nodded, slowly. "Yes, I see. So . . . we get to go and fix things up. Very
well. I vote for murder. No reason to mince words."
"As
odious as it is, that seems to be the only course. I could not in good
conscience consider allying myself with that creature, when I have no idea of
his aims. This is devil's work. I know it clear-eyed, but all the same, it's
out of devils 1 know well enough."
Kham smiled,
a rictus Palude had not seen in his face before. It was an expression of vast,
calculating cynicism. He said, "Aye, you and I know them, don't we, but we
don't know why they dumped Tulilly, or even where she came from, and there's
devils of another Aleph ordinal, as we used to say."
Palude
changed the subject. "There were dependable operatives left behind when we
left Oerlikon?"
"Yes. I
imagine a good many of them can be rounded up for a little quiet work. In
addition we had sleepers controlling natives in a number of places, and these
can be activated as well, although I don't think we'll rouse all of them, that
follows. But we designed considerable redundancy into our systems there, so I
am sure a few days' work will suffice to open something up."
"Good. You think we can
determine something, then?" "From here, a guess? Probable. I can say
more when we get back. How do we re-enter Lisagor, or whatever it's called
now?"
"We're
going by courier Frigate. There's an inbound freighter we'll match with
and transfer to, to actually land. The landing will be in Tartary, but reports
have it there's trade now and we can get a place. The plan is that we try to
get a ship for a Tilanque port, rather than Karshiyaka. This is supposed to be
feasible, according to the sources they still have active."
"They
are still reporting?"
"Sporadically,
from Lisagor. Tartary station never went down."
Kham mused,
"Tartary station wasn't under us, as I'm sure you recall."
"True.
But they weren't hostile to offworlders there, either. Just indifferent. But
it will be early, so I suggest we retire without revel or carouse."
Now Kham
looked closely at Arunda Palude. By all accounts, a distant, cool woman, who,
although no longer young, still maintained handsome good looks. Kham had heard
no tales about her, as he had heard about the others posted to Lisagor, who
took advantage of the native concern with footloose sex to have a good time on
the sly. Palude was tall, with a modest, but well-shaped figure. She had a
strong, clear face, formed by the intense concentration of her profession, and
loose, flowing hair the color of walnut wood. Kham made an internal adjustment,
evaluating Arunda as probably not one prone to dalliance. But sharp, and
direct. And if on Oerlikon before, she had followed his lead in organizing the
chaos, it did not bother him now to accept her lead in setting the long-range
goals. That kind of flexibility also fitted with the dancer's poise of the
tactician. He thought: A shame we can't do more, but we'll probably work
well together. That will have to do. He said, "Yes. Where are you
staying, and where do I meet you?"
"At the
Ozalide Inn. Come there at the fifth hour."
"Very
well. Good evening." He arose and made a courteous gesture. Then added,
"You understand that a lot will be different this time." Palude
nodded. "Yes. Very different." "We may have to move about
quickly, alone, without the support network. You'll need to move with me."
"Why .
. . ? I thought you would . . ."
"You
have a weapon to help us. You mentioned the I Ching; you know about it,
yes? Get a copy of the book. You're going to use it. Ours may not be as subtle
as his, but a map's a map, no matter how crudely drawn, and Lisagor only has
one shape. And so I will pull the trigger, but you will be doing some
aiming." And with that request Cesar Kham turned away and departed for his
own lodgings.
3
"Even
paranoids sometimes have real enemies."
—Remark
attributed to Spiro T. Agnew
"Paranoia
is most definitely a survival trait."
—H.C.,
Atropine
THE SOUTHERN
AND western parts of Clisp were, geologically, a continuation of the
ranges that made up the rugged spine of the isthmus which the inhabitants of
Lisagor called the Serpentine, the narrow neck joining Lisagor with its
subcontinent. But the peaks that marched across the southern horizon from east
to west did more than provide the inhabitants of Marisol with a spectacular
skyline; they blocked Clisp off from the influences of the southwestern ocean
airs, and let the cool winds in from the northwest. Clisp was cool and somewhat
arid, with frequent fogs along the northern seaboard, sometimes creeping as far
inland as Marisol.
The northern
part of Clisp was a low plain descending gently to the sea, traced and eroded
by small ravines. Rain fell often in the mountains, and this runoff kept the
water level up. Several of these streams had been diverted into feeder canals
and shifted to the site of Marisol, where, through an easy descent of locks,
the open sea could be contacted through a canal.
Marisol,
then, partook of several natures at once, none dominating: it was the
administrative seat of government for a large and frequently turbulent
province; inland commercial center for the province, which outside Marisol was
largely agricultural; and it was a seaport, with canals linking many parts of
the city. Lastly, it was the last place on Oerlikon where rebels against the
stultifying sameness of Lisagor might gather and have a moment's respite, if
not their way. Consequently, Marisol was a large city of mostly low buildings,
without monumental edifices, but equally lacking slums and squatter camps. The
air, save during the fogs, was clear and transparent, and the wind made merry,
sliding across the plains out of the northwest. And in the south, under the
slow passages of the primary of Oerlikon, Gysa, the bold mountains marched
across the face of the world, and played with towers of cloud and lightning.
It was a place in which one had to strive to retain a bad feeling. There was
always something in the wind.
Phaedrus and
Meliosme had come to Marisol for the bottomless obscurity he sought, and she
accepted, knowing peace within herself from her long days in the wild. And for
a long time their lives settled into routine and stability; known things, not
hard decisions. Phaedrus worked as a landscaper and Meliosme took on the weight
of making the lives of the urchins and orphans they had collected along the way
whole again. There were more of these than they had planned for; they had
gained some on the long road up from Zolotane, along the edge, the sea on one
side, and chaos on the other, people fleeing, order disturbed. Phaedrus took
them in without question. He remembered, he knew. He had wrought this. He
accepted the terrified children without rancor, bearing them as a light burden
he knew he owed and could never fill.
He told
Meliosme that because of the changes wrought in him, he could sire no children,
so the runaways and strays became their own children. They, in turn, brought
more in, and in time the family of Phaedrus and Meliosme grew large. Since they
needed help in meeting the expense of feeding them, Phaedrus had gone to the
public audiences which the heriditary ruler of Clisp was wont to give from
time to time, and plainly asked for aid. Pressed for details by Pompeo's
clerks, he had revealed his connection with events in Zolotane, and Pompeo had
made the necessary connection. The prince, a middle-aged man with a balding
head and a visible paunch, who stood on little ceremony, asked Phaedrus to
attend him in his private chambers.
There,
Pompeo sat in a plain armchair and had spoken directly, "You are the
fellow we heard about some time ago. I had reports. One of my men met you.
Salkim."
"Yes. I
remember him. He is well?"
Pompeo shook
his head. "Dead. Led a raiding party ashore in the Far Pilontaries. Good
man. Bit of a dandy, but nonetheless true. Better than most. But his command
won the day and returned. I read their reports."
"You do not fault me that I did
not take up his offer?" "No. I wish you had, but no matter. And so
you come to Clisp anyway."
"Yes.
Almost directly. As a fact, I got here rather sooner than if I'd left with
Salkim."
"That's
so . . . Well, you haven't been invisible here, either. We keep an eye on
things here, just like other places, but with an eye to helping the good
instead of punishing the evil. Why bother? The evil will harm themselves."
"You
knew it was me . . . ?"
"Not
necessarily. We knew someone was taking in orphans and strays and runaways and
setting them straight. Rest easy. We can help you do that easily enough. See
Patroclo, the Bursar. Use discretion, which I know you will."
"I will
do my best."
Pompeo
stroked his jowls with his middle finger and thumb, looking downward,
thoughtful. Then he had said, gruffly and directly, "But all things are,
in Clisp, desirous of balance."
Phaedrus had
said, "Yes, m'lord."
"You
are held in regard as being clearheaded, now a rarity. It pleases me to help
you in your work. I request that you help me in mine." "How so?"
"Attend me here. About once every four weeks, or as I call on you.
Then we will speak of values,
ethics, the right choices. I have many advisers, out to succeed at Court. I
have not seen your application, nor do you bow and scrape."
Phaedrus
breathed in relief, silently. "I will do so with pleasure, if it pleases
you."
"I do
not know how you order your life, or those whose lives touch yours. But I have
heard well of you. We try to reward excellence here ... but these have been
difficult times, more so than for most of my predecessors. There is the sense
of great Change in the air; a new age for Oerlikon. I have my successor, a son,
Amadeo, but I wish to set things on a certain course . . ."
"I
understand. I am, however, neither a sage, nor a thaumaturge; I do not heal the
sick, raise the dead, nor make the little girls talk out of their head."
Pompeo
smiled, in great good humor. "Of course not." And the prince stood,
indicating that Phaedrus should leave. "About four weeks. Come as you
will; I will see they come and get me."
And with no more formality than
that, Phaedrus undertook to fill the part of one of Pompeo's many advisers and
confidants. The meetings occurred as scheduled, but while Phaedrus was relieved
that his secret was safe, there was a curious disjointed air to the talks he
had with Pompeo. They never seemed to broach a subject openly, indeed, if
there was any subject at all. Pompeo clearly wanted something from him, but at
the same time seemed satisfied with the little he got.
Finally,
Phaedrus asked him what he was gaining out of their meetings. Pompeo looked
off through the careful landscaping of the palace grounds, to the far
mountains, and said, reflectively, "I am trying to learn your sense of
effortless composure. It would seem that virtually everyone would wish to be
more than he is. You do not. True, I am prince here, and should I wish to
exercise it, have in fact considerable power to order things. I use it seldom.
But because you do not seek more, I have little hold on you."
Phaedrus
said cautiously, "There were times before Zolotane, before Clisp. I once
chased the illusions as well. At least, let us condense it to that. I saw once
that we have all the scope we can handle immediately before us—we do not need
to look far afield."
"You do
not seek esteem, regard, repute."
"There
is never enough of that. No matter how much you get, it always needs more. I
must step out of that cycle and act, here, now, in front of me. There is
always much to be done."
"And
what more would a prince want?"
"To be
free of the weight of his obligations; one could not remain a prince and be
unconscious of them." "Exactly so! Do you read minds?" "Not
at all." "And so you do what needs to be done. How do you know
it?" "Everyone knows it. They just don't want to do it. They keep
putting
it off, for one more try, one more
chance. It was in knowing the waste of the old way that I looked and asked, 'is
there value in the other way— obscurity, nobodyness?' "
"Are you succeeding?"
"It is difficult at times. But I remind myself of what I know of the other
way, and then dig a little deeper." "You know we tried to trace you,
but the trail fades out in the hills
between Crule The Swale and
Zolotane. You were something before."
"Many
things."
"You
have no vendettas, no revenges?"
"None.
Those things will never be that way again. We have now."
"You
would not reveal them."
"I
would prefer not to."
"Is
there anything you would ask, now, for yourself?"
"Meliosme
misses the hoots and calls of bosels. You have none in Clisp. We would go back
to the east when things are settled down and folk can move about freely
again."
"The
one thing I can't grant. The breakup left many areas cut off, forced to operate
as smaller units. Things are quieter, now, much more so, yet the old days of
unity, however bad it might have been, are gone. Movements are restricted. No
longer can one wander the length and breadth of Karshiyaka. Here in the West,
we have gathered in as much as we can comfortably handle: Zefaa, the
Serpentine, Zolotane. That is as far as Greater Clisp goes. There are other
countries back there, now. Foreign lands, as hard to reach as Tartary."
For a
moment, Pompeo looked off again, and then said, off-handedly, "If you were
to speak your mind to me, advising me plainly, what would you have me do? A
great time came upon my days, and I know I have not altogether done what I
could have. The work of opacification is far from finished."
Phaedrus
breathed deeply. Then, "You have done much. You let Clisp expand to its
natural limits, when it was time for it to. Now let it go."
"Let
go?"
"You
have your successor; turn it over to him."
"And
then what should I do? All my life I lived in secret, waiting for a restoration
we were sure would never come. Then the great changes; and so here we are. But
it's unfinished. . . ." "It will never be finished. You have done
well. You were there, but do not stay to mar it. Be content with your
acts."
"Exactly
as I have thought. You know, only a few more years and this would have missed
me. Amadeo . . . He's capable enough for these times, but I often wonder how it
would have gone if this change had come in his time."
"You
will never know that. Leave it now, while you can still smile about it."
"Very
well, but what should I do, then?"
"We
always have room for another guide . . ."
Pompeo
laughed aloud and stood up. He said, expansively, "It will be as you
recommend! But in my own time. In my own time." And with that note they
parted.
For some
time, Phaedrus heard no more from Pompeo. Once or twice he stopped by, but did
not find the prince in either time. And shortly after that, there was a brief
public announcement to the effect that Pompeo had retired in favor of the new
prince, Amadeo II, who would now assume the proper executive functions. There
was no great ceremony, no parades, nor did anyone think them necessary.
Continuity had been assured. Things continued with no visible interruption.
More significantly, the financial assistance he and Meliosme received, as well
as certain administrative favors, continued without interruption.
The change of seasons in Clisp was
more notable than the parts of old Lisagor Phaedrus could remember. The autumn
was marked by a notable increase in night fogs, swept away by storms that blew
in from the northwest. In these days, few ventured out at night. One such
night, while the outside was muffled and supernaturally quiet, Phaedrus and
Meliosme were preparing for bed, when they heard outside the faint noise of a
motorcar, one of the rare electrics Clispish dignitaries favored. Presently
there was a soft knock at the door. Phaedrus went to the door, and opening it,
met a silent, elderly gentleman wearing the very plain clothing preferred by
the inside servitors of the Ruling House. He said, "I am Phaedrus."
The
chauffeur nodded, and said, "Pompeo requires a service of you, in
accordance with your agreement."
"Now?"
"Now."
Phaedrus looked about
uncertainly at Meliosme. Then back at the unsmiling chauffeur. "In
Marisol?" The chauffeur shook his head. "At the family estates. Cape
Forever." "That's in the farthest west of Clisp. And it's dense fog
out there." The man was undisturbed. He said, in his undertaker's voice,
"No
matter. I know the way well. We will
be there by morning. You will be back tomorrow evening."
Phaedrus,
still hesitating, asked, "Is there haste?"
"Not if
you leave now," was all that was said.
Phaedrus
gathered up his old night-cloak and threw it over his shoulders, glancing at
Meliosme. She made a small gesture to him with her hand. "It's all right.
Go on." He nodded, and stepped out into the night. The chauffeur followed,
closing the door behind him, and opening the door to the passenger compartment
for Phaedrus.
Inside was
another man, almost invisible in the shadows, save for soft highlights
reflected from the dimmed streetlamps. This person was tall, rangy, bald and
carried a weapon, some sort of gun which Phaedrus could not identify. The
chauffeur got in after him, settling himself in his own compartment, and spoke
through a mesh connecting the two cabins. "This is Olin, a trusted
retainer and man-at-arms. Trust him as you trust me. We are the personal staff
of the Prince Emeritus. You do not walk in harm's way while under our
guidance."
Phaedrus
asked, "Is the prince well? Why do we need such secrecy?"
The
chauffeur turned to his motorcar and started it off through the damp, foggy,
leaf-spattered streets, shiny with moisture. Olin answered, "The prince is
not well. He will explain everything. It will go as Bautisto has said: you
should be back tomorrow evening."
Olin settled
back, and Phaedrus, uneasy, nevertheless made an attempt to find a comfortable
position among the overstuffed seats. The car whirred off into the fog.
Bautisto
indeed seemed to know where he was going with supernatural accuracy. Although
the fog was dense, thicker than usual for the season, he navigated through the
silent and nearly empty streets of Marisol without any hesitation, and at a
considerable speed. Phaedrus, who knew little of the city except the main
streets and boulevards and the immediate area of his own house, was soon lost,
but as near as he could tell, they were proceeding west in the night, and after
a time, the few lights of Marisol grew even less, then rare, and at last there
were no lights, save the running lights of the car, and an occasional isolated
post along the road. Neither Bautisto nor Olin seemed to relax, but maintained
an almost palpable sense of animal awareness which Phaedrus found profoundly
disturbing, for all that they had said.
Notwithstanding
his sense of foreboding, after a time the motion of the car and the sense of
confidence Bautisto expressed in his driving over the empty roads of Clisp
relaxed Phaedrus, and he dozed off. Once or twice, he awoke briefly, as they
stopped to have the power cells recharged, at bare little stations where a
single overhead lamp made a bright, furry cone out of the darkness that began
just beyond the windows.
Phaedrus
felt the road change, from the smooth gritty friction of the public roads to
something more uneven. He opened his eyes to fog-shrouded daylight, broken by
darker patches when they passed under enormous trees, of which he could see no
detail except shredded, fibrous bark. He said, "Where are we?"
Olin
grunted, "Cape Forever Plantation."
"I felt
the road change."
"Um.
Still a little ways."
Phaedrus
settled back, and Bautisto drove on, following a double path seemingly going
nowhere through the forest. He could feel in the wheels the changing surface
they rolled upon; sometimes sandy, sometimes silent, as if they were rolling
on fine leaf-dust. Other times, rocky spurs. The estate road was passable, but
not well kept up. And although the road went mostly level, there were now a lot
of gentle curves, and there was the sense of having left level ground long ago.
Finally,
with almost no warning, they passed through an enormous stucco gate with a
circular entrance, and only a low wall dividing the inside from the forest.
The inside looked no different. They Founded a sharp curve and stopped before
what looked like a rough stone wall, irregular, higher than a man. Bautisto
nodded, turning to speak through the mesh, "Toward the direction the car
is pointing, you will find an entry. The door is unlocked. Go in. You are
expected."
"Just
walk in?"
"That
is correct. This is not Court, but the house of one who wishes you well. Accept
it. They pick their friends with care."
Phaedrus
opened the door and hesitantly stepped out into the damp air. As soon as he
closed the door, the car started rolling, and in a moment it was gone,
vanishing into the morning fog almost as if it had never been there. For a
moment, Phaedrus stood, trying to sense the place, capture something of its
suchness. He smelled a dry, resinous odor from the forest, and a sharp overtone
from something else. He listened. No wind, but a soft, burry muttering as from
far off, or perhaps the other side of the wall. Something familiar in that; the
sea? He began walking along the wall. Presently he came to a rather plain
doorway, well-done, intentionally rustic, but by no means grand. Not exactly
the front door of a prince. He turned the iron handle, worn almost to a
shapeless lump, and went in.
He was in a
long foyer, which led directly ahead, the walls similar to the outside.
Phaedrus walked along the hall until he came to a raised porchlike area,
opening onto a large, but comfortable room, the far wall of which was glass,
still opening onto the silvery blankness of the fog. The light was gray and
weak. Inside, lamos and chandeliers banished some of the gloom. The floor was
flagstones, covered by carpets in intricate and subtle patterns. At the far
end, off to his right, there was a fireplace with a fire going, and several
couches. And Pompeo, sitting in a chair by the fire, wrapped in a dark shawl
and looking much older. Frail, thin, not at all the robust man of mature years
Phaedrus remembered. Phaedrus walked across the flagstones without hesitation
until he was standing before the fireplace, which gave off a dull warmth. Only
then did Pompeo look up.
He pursed
his mouth, as if collecting his words. After a moment, the prince began,
hesitantly, "Forgive me if I stumble. Drugs, medicines."
"You
are ill." It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes.
Man's last enemy, save himself. Cancer. Sometimes it seems almost gone, but it
always comes back." "Is there anything I can do?" "You
always seemed supernaturally wise, but always veiled, some
thing you did not choose
to show, or exploit. Tell me something." Phaedrus understood, he thought.
Make this worthwhile. He said, "I imagine the Moral Guides have
counseled you."
Pompeo
nodded. "Just so. But they do not know. I sense it. They repeat
credo, verse and line, but there is no certainty. I am, in a word, dissatisfied."
"Each
one of us endures initiations through life, which become steadily more
challenging, more difficult. Free childhood, when innocence first reaches out
into the imagination. Puberty, the learning and mastery of desire. Adulthood.
Birth. Courtship. The family. Setting the children free. All these are tests.
But they are all training, nothing more, for the final test of a person's
innermost selfness, when he faces the eternity that is within each of us.
Review what you have done, and see this as the final test for excellence."
Pompeo listened, nodding a bit, and
when Phaedrus had finished, he said softly, "You cite no authorities, no
verse and line, but you know." Phaedrus shook his head. "I
can't even claim that. Say that I have suspicions."
"You
speak like a man who has looked death in the eye."
"I
have."
"I will
not ask. Keep your secret."
"More
than once I have come within a hair's-breadth of telling you."
"No.
Keep it."
"That
is why I almost did. That you do not ask."
"Excellent!
As always, you can manage, with a few simple words, to energize me. Would I
could have persuaded you earlier. Were it not for other matters, I would urge
you to stand by me now, but the little is sufficient, at least for the while.
I may falter later. But I did not summon you here in secrecy for selfish
reasons. You have only said what was in my heart anyway, which is wisdom
enough, is it not?"
"There
is another matter, m'lord?"
"Yes.
To the point: late in my reign, we uncovered some odd traces of trafficking
between persons high up in my regime and parties elsewhere. At first, we
thought of the usual sort of spies, such as we read of in the old tales, and
some that we know direct from the days of the Rectification. It was
exquisitely done, subtle, but we followed it out, tracing every loop and line,
stitch and draw. In essense we found a careful line between Patroclo, the
Bursar, to parties in such places as Tartary. More recently, to different
locations in Old Lisagor. The subject was not state secrets, but you."
Phaedrus
stood very still, and he felt an emotion he had never known and for which he
had no name. But it was an icy certainty that this was an absolutely unique
moment. He selected a sofa and sat down, saying nothing.
After a
pause, Pompeo continued, "The nature of the thing was as if a passive unit
were activated, at first with a vague and general search pattern, later, which
focused on you." Pompeo sighed. "That was curious, you know? I
thought spies would be interested in the disposition of soldiers, of ships. Of
orders-of-battle. Perhaps on the vices of Amadeo, who is fond to excess of
pretty women. But no. Of all Clisp could divulge to foreign devils, they were
most interested in you, and they pursued you with incredible subtlety and
secrecy."
"Do you
know who they are?"
"No. We
have conjectures, but no confirmations."
"Patroclo.
May I speak with him?"
"I fear
it is no longer possible. He took poison when we confronted him. He had
associates, but they also elected to step into the darkness. A few may have
escaped us, but it does not appear so."
"Who do
you think it is?"
"Olin
thinks offworlders."
Phaedrus
thought, The bastards! Why bring it all back? They would know I would have
stayed here forever. I had no mission in the stars. Or did I? A suspicion
struck him, but for now, he dismissed it. He said, "You thought I was in
danger."
"We let
it go on too long, trying to understand it. Time grew valuable. You needed to
be told this, so you can take whatever measures you are able to. They seemed to
regard you as capable of anything, indeed, they seem to fear you more than they
do Clisp."
"They
are more correct than you know, in that."
"What
can you do?"
"I have
. .. certain defenses. Ways of perception. Techniques."
"But
you need to be out in the open, and aware."
"Yes."
"You
need mobility, to move if need be, beyond the borders of Clisp...."
"Maybe
farther."
"Beyond
Old Lisagor. Tartary. Perhaps even off Oerlikon."
"How
can I do that? The offworlders have gone."
"They
still maintain contact in Tartary, openly, as traders."
"Then
there is some traffic yet?"
"Yes.
And so I know you have little. You could survive in the wild, and presumably
you have means to conceal yourself... we gathered that information. But you
would find it hard to get offworld without funds." Here, Pompeo made an
almost-invisible gesture, to which a servant responded, entering the vast
room, bearing a small tray. Pompeo continued, "I have put something
modest at your disposal. I valued what you gave me, and I would not have a
quiet person hunted like a bosel by foreign devils, no matter what he was in
past life."
Phaedrus
said, "I fear they do not come for my past, but to prevent a future I do
not even know, now."
"Then
that is even more reason." Pompeo took a small object from the tray, a
small medallion on a chain. The medallion was shaped like an ancient Egyptian
cartouche, and bore stylized emblems on its surface. It was metal, similar to a
dull stainless steel, but when Pompeo handed it to him, it was
uncharacteristically heavy. He said, "Platinum. This is an authenticator
seal. They have been on Oerlikon since my ancestors first came here."
"What
do the symbols mean?"
"We do
not know. There are theories, conjectures, but no knowledge. Remember, in a
land that pursues the sameness of the eternal present, historians are in no
great demand, nor are students of ancient languages. But from the beginning,
the Family has used them as authentications for the most secret matters.
Including offworld. Use it. Where you need to go, identify yourself as an agent
of Clisp and have the charges invoiced to the palace. It will be accepted
without question—or knowledge of who has it. Apparently it cannot be
counterfeited. Trace elements."
"This
is a powerful amulet; surely you do not give such a teasure away?"
"Do
what you must. Then return, and serve Clisp as you will, doing your best to
insure that we are not overrun by evil and fear and ignorance."
"You
did not mention greed and lust."
"They
are self-limiting. But the others partake of the endless dark I will soon
meet."
"I am
moved, and will do as you ask."
"Even
though I will not be here to see it, I believe you will." Pompeo made
another gesture, and other servants entered, bringing trays of food.
"Breakfast. I assume Bautisto did not stop along the way?"
"He did
not. He and Olin seemed iron men."
"We had
to move when you were not watched. We knew that at that particular time you
were not." "That suggests something 1 do not care for." "So
we thought. So, let us eat. Enjoy the view. Stay as long as you
will. Leave
as you must."
Pompeo and Phaedrus breakfasted
alone, uninterrupted by even the silent and subtle servants of the retired
prince. Both men elected, for the moment, to keep their silences to themselves.
After breakfast, Pompeo indicated that it was time for one of his treatments, and
he excused himself, indicating that Phaedrus should consider himself free to
wander about, or rest, as he felt. The light falling through the window-wall
was much brighter now, and the fog was gone, so he could see across an
old-fashioned walled garden.
After a
moment's search, Phaedrus found the door leading out into the garden and went
out. He did not feel like resting at the moment; the information Pompeo had
imparted to him was disturbing.
For a time
he wandered aimlessly about the garden, admiring the sense of restraint the
landscapers had held in mind when they had done the planting, and in
maintaining it through the years, for it was obviously not a new garden. After
a time, he found a narrow gate, almost hidden away in an acute corner. He made
his way to it, and stepped through. Before him was the blue expanse of the
northern ocean.
Immediately
before him was a rocky shingle beach which curved off into misty distances far
to the right, to the east, fading into the horizon and the line of sea-spray.
To the left, the land became rockier, then mostly outcrops of brown stone, and
at last a headland jutting into the ocean, crowned by a thin group of
wind-contorted trees, their limbs distorted by the sea-wind into strange,
histrionic shapes. Beneath the trees, a lone fisherman was casting a circular
net into the blue water, pausing, withdrawing it, timeless motions that had
passed unchanged since the dawn of history.
Phaedrus
walked slowly out to the point, savoring the ripe sense of suchness of this
scene: the clear northern sky, the open sea, a limitless deep indigo color. He
felt a sudden urge to sail off into those distances, although he knew very well
that for all practical purposes there was nothing out there, all the way around
the world, except Tartary on the other side.
Drawing near
to the fisherman, he saw it to be Olin, who was not catching much. This seemed
to have no perceptible effect on the man, who continued casting his net,
pausing, and withdrawing it; his catch was scanty, small fishes and strange
creatures Phaedrus did not know, living things combining features of mollusk
and insect in equal measures.
At one of
the pauses, he ventured, "I see they are not cooperating this
morning."
Olin
withdrew the net, nodding. He said, "True."
Phaedrus
said, "I am not a fisherman, but I would imagine you do not do this
entirely with the catch alone in mind."
Olin folded
the net up, carefully. "No. One could use a huge dragline and scoop it all
up, or plant blurt along the bottom and blow them to the top. But what
then?"
"There would be no more."
Olin sorted through his catch, placed perhaps a dozen in his basket, and threw
the rest back into the cold water. "Exactly." For a time, neither
said anything, then Olin said, "Now you know. What are your plans?"
"I thought to return to Marisol, but that seems unwise. At the least, I
should arrange some way to get Meliosme out of there."
"Your
woman."
"Yes."
"I
agree."
"Are
you aware of the situation?"
"That
someone was having you watched? Of course."
"Who
interrogated Patroclo?"
"Bautisto. And few
escape the old bustard, too. But that one got away, he did." "The
prince told me; but what is your own evaluation?" Phaedrus felt
an instant trust, an instinctive
regard, for the redoubtable Olin, whom Pompeo apparently trusted without
question.
Olin looked
off at the sea distances for a moment, and then said, as if musing to himself,
"I would have said something out of Old Crule. You know, all the diehards
and lifers ran there after Symbarupol fell to the rebels. But their reporting
nets didn't fit that pattern. There was contact with Tilanque, Karshiyaka, and
Tartary. A lot of moving about on the far end. Decision was made to collect you
because the usual spy networks stopped abruptly. We assumed they were close
enough to use more ordinary methods. All the signs pointed to that."
"You
mean the people they were reporting to . . . were in Clisp."
"Perhaps
not that close. But close enough to get here in a day."
Phaedrus
didn't say anything. Olin added, "Rumor has it you did something vile in
Lisagor." "Yes, one might say that." "Well, it's none of my
affair. You've done well here, and Pompeo is
satisfied with that. So are we. But
I've orders to assist you, and so I will. What would you do? Pull out and go
into the wild? There isn't much of it left, you know."
"If
they found me in Clisp . . ."
"Yah.
They can probably follow you anywhere on Oerlikon. Do you know who and what
they are? Perhaps we can eliminate some of them. . . ."
"If
this is truly offworld, then there are more behind this than we can reach . .
." He let it trail off, thinking, But I can reach into places Olin
can't see. Still, he would have to move, and he would have to have some
data. He doubted he could derive an accurate answer with the limited amount and
values he had. Assumptions. They could be oracles, better than gods, and they
could be fools, worse than charlatans. . . . "But at any rate, I should
get Meliosme out. Some of the hardier kids."
"No
worry there. We would take over what was left. Your place was well-known, and
needs keeping. We have people we can put to that."
"Have
you rested?"
"Enough.
Bautisto went home, so I'd have to round up a couple of worthy lads. No matter,
that. We have plenty about." "We should leave, and go to a place near
Marisol, where we can arrange to have Meliosme contacted." Olin picked up
his catch, and the net, and set off, as if glad to have something decided.
"I'll go get the car. It's charged up now and ready to
go. We'll get the lads along the
way. Go back through the house, tell the factotum. I'll meet you in
front."
Phaedrus
nodded, and set off toward the garden wall, but before he stepped through it,
he looked back, once, at the limitless blue horizon, the darkness of the sea,
the depths of the sky. He thought to himself, I was shown paradise, but only
to demonstrate that I can't have it. Someday. . . . And he thought that it
would be a good idea, after they had picked up Meliosme, for them to go off
into the wild lands of Southern Clisp, among the mountains, for a while.
The fog had cleared inland as well
as along the coast when they set out, leaving the estate behind, and Cape
Forever. Phaedrus had come up this same road before, but it had been at night,
in dense fog, and he remembered no landmarks. Now, with the sun in the south
near noon, he saw a smooth road made of compacted yellow gravel, very fine and
even-surfaced, that ran straight between cultivated fields. In the far distances
on both sides could be seen the low, spreading turf roofs and sturdy stucco
walls of houses and outbuildings, and in the south, farther still, the
mountains of Clisp rose up, tier on tier, layer on layer, each level becoming
lighter in tone until the last one, flecked and spotted with snow, nearly matched
the pearlescent color of the southern horizon.
The car
moved along the road eastward now, easily, silently. No one took notice of them
as they passed. The road, although dry, left no dust trail behind them. Olin
sat in the back, as before, with Phaedrus, apparently catnapping, but
remaining wary as an animal. The two "boys" Olin had brought with him
looked like hardened veterans of border wars.
Olin noted,
out of the corner of his eye, that Phaedrus was watching the two in front
closely. He said, quietly, "Not by tradition alone, nor by good manners,
was the House of Clisp maintained during the cycle of darkness. We were quiet,
we kept our own counsels, but now and again muscle was needed. These are
representative of that class."
Phaedrus
nodded. "They appear capable and loyal."
"Whatever
comes, you are among friends and comrades. His word suffices." Olin nodded
back over his shoulder toward the west, a curt, chopped motion. "I don't
doubt we're dealing with planted agents and buried sleepers in the government,
back in Marisol. You simply can't be sure of that many people. But these are
our own."
Phaedrus saw
the one on the passenger side bend over and work with the communicator,
speaking at length. He could not make out what was being discussed. The man
used a single earphone, and spoke so quietly nothing could be made of it. After
a few moments, he replaced the earphone and turned, gesturing to Olin. Olin
leaned forward in his seat, and carried on a close, whispered conversation,
none of which, judging by the grim expressions on their faces, bore anything
good. At last, Olin, finished, hesitated and turned to Phaedrus.
Phaedrus
said, "Something not good. . . ."
Olin said,
in a careful monotone, "Early this morning, unknown parties attacked your
place. We were out of range until we passed that last milepost, and so, could
not be informed. There were other problems as well. They delayed until now to
attempt contact. They would have to insure they had no plants, as well."
Phaedrus sat
back, his face very still. "Go on."
"It was
hit and run, very fast job. Apparently they wanted to catch you by surprise, so
they did not waste time identifying victims. They came in shooting, scattered
incendiaries all over, fired the place and left. By the time the police and
guards responded, it was too late. The number of dead is very high. Some got
out, helped the youngest ones, but Meliosme was not one of them. They haven't
finished counting and finding the bodies yet, and the identifications. . . .
They will have to figure backwards from the survivors."
The car
rolled on, an almost inaudible hum coming from the electric motors. The two in
front looked stolidly ahead, more alertly than before. Phaedrus nodded,
reflectively, very still, seeing only the clear air, the mountains, with an
impossible clarity. Finally, he said, "I see."
Olin sat
back for a long moment, and said, "None of them were caught, and there
were few witnesses, and what they report will have to be carefully sifted. It's
a long chase, friend. We will do what we can."
Phaedrus said, dully, "They
will have at least a day headstart on us." Olin nodded, vigorously.
"Exactly. Not that we can't pick up the trail, but by the time we do get
on it, several more days will have gone."
Phaedrus
mused, out loud, "I owe your organization a debt. Those who wished me harm
came thinking I was there. Sure of it. So sure they didn't stop to even see who
they were shooting. I owe you, not you me. Your group was proof against their
penetration."
"Luck,
in a way, Phaedrus. We moved fast, according to orders. But another day and
you'd have been in there, too."
"Yes."
"You
seemed to know something. Do you know where we should start?"
Phaedrus
said, slowly, "I don't doubt what I can see of this. The ones who came on
the raid, they were tools, they were order-takers, not originators. The orders
came from somewhere else."
Olin agreed.
"Exactly."
"I
think offworld. But I don't know who, or why. Or from where. 'Offworld' is
just a word, a symbol, but it takes in more than we know here, in Clisp, on
Oerlikon. The people turned their backs on the places they came from, and so we
really don't know what is out there."
Olin said,
"True. A long way for Clisp to reach."
Phaedrus
rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He thought, Revenge, of course. But I've been
caught by surprise, and blind reactions will accomplish nothing. In fact, if I
rushed blind into that, they might be waiting for something like that. No. It
will have to be measured, considered, planned, read out. He turned to Olin,
and asked, "Do you carry any rations in the car?"
"Rations?
Like survival gear? Yes. Two packs, in the luggage compartment. We used to
have to have them. We went the long way through the lower mountains."
"They
have food?"
"Food,
simple hand weapons, a shelter. Not much."
"Do you
need them?"
"No."
"Could
we combine the food from both into one?"
"Hm.
Would be hard, but I think we could. Could throw some of the other stuff out.
What have you in mind?" "1 have to disappear. That is all I can say to
you, even in trust. You will never see me again." "There is something
you can do alone that we can't?" His tone was practical and faintly
scornful, but not hostile. "There is something I must do alone. . . . How
isolated are the mountains?"
"Scattered
steads along the lower hills facing north. Nothing, in the high mountains. On
the south slope, wild folk and isolated fishermen. Are you going south? There
are no roads and no passes to the south side of Clisp; in fact, but for the
name, it's another country. . . ."
"Where
can you let me off?"
"You
are serious?"
"Yes."
Olin leaned
forward and spoke briefly to the driver, then leaned back. "Not far,
there's a side road. We can cut across to the old foothill track. Does it
matter where?"
"Where?
Ah, no. No matter. I could start from right here. There are the
mountains." He gestured to the south. "I would proceed until I got
there."
"No
need. We'll take you to a suitable place. As a fact, back in the old days, I
made a couple of stops there myself. Are you sure you don't want someone along?
All of us, while fat and content now, were not always so. Once, we slunk in the
dark through those empty mountains, while lobotomized cretins marched in ranks
up and down the roads of the plain."
"You,
yourself?"
"Myself
or Bucephalo, or Pandolfo. If you have desperate and evil deeds in mind, there
are none better. As a fact, we'd do so without obligation. Peace, and the rule
restored, now they're good things, but all the same, it is a clarity to the
mind to have an outright enemy—no subtle stuff, no justice and mercy, just
simple revenge. Our enemies are fallen of their own plots. Let, let us . . .
borrow yours."
Phaedrus
managed a weak smile on a face that had become separated from the soul that
animated it. "You say it truly. But all the same, let me go alone. Now
will come a part of cunning and stealth—much later the night of the knives, or
worse. Later will come in a far place—I know it not, now—and you would be far
from your best loyalties, your own nature. I thank you, but I must go alone. I
am stranger than you or the prince imagines."
Olin sat
back, as the car proceeded now south, with the mountains ahead of them, already
looming higher than the windscreen. Neither Olin nor Phaedrus said more.
The land
soon began to roll and pitch, forming swells and rises, and the road sometimes
dipped down into narrow little draws shaded by low, wide-spreading trees. The
farmhouses and outbuildings did not increase in number, but they did draw
closer to the road, sleepy places in the waning afternoon light, seemingly
untenanted except for an indefinable air about them, an order one could sense
without being aware of it. Someone lived there, even if you couldn't see
them in front of you.
The road
narrowed, became rougher, and Pandolfo, who was driving, turned the car into a
narrow lane heading back to the west. He made the turn, and drove along the
farm track, with the easy assurance of one who had driven along that very road
many times before. This road did not run straight for long, but turned up into
the foothills, now beginning to be in shadow; it passed through cuts, ran
across sudden flats covered with erect, spiky trees, switched back and forth,
and forded shallow, rocky streams tumbling down from the heights. At last, in a
dense grove of the low, spreading trees he had seen earlier, the car stopped.
Phaedrus got
out, and stood very still, listening, looking, trying to absorb the place and
time. There was no wind, and the forest was silent, save for the mutter of a nearby
creek, over the rocks. Olin and the other two busied themselves making up the
one pack as Phaedrus had asked. Finally Olin came around the corner of the car,
carrying the pack, looking a bit fuller than it had been designed to be.
He said,
"Here it is. We had to leave a lot of the stuff out, but there're rations
in plenty, if you can stand them. All stuff you add water to. Don't stint on
their use. Eat as much as you can stand; it's high-protein concentrate. If you
pace yourself, you can go far. I suppose it's useless to ask . . ."
Phaedrus
took the pack, and shouldered it. It was surprisingly heavy, but he would
manage it. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, and if you did, I
could not be sure of your loyalty. No, I can't say where I'm going. But I have
one last request."
"Say it. By the prince and his
House, we'll do it." "Have them announce to the public that I was
killed in the raid. And make sure that no one else ever learns that I
wasn't."
"To the
first, consider it done. We will have that set this night. From then on, you
are deceased. As for the rest, I see no problem . . . but we will be as sure as
possible. Very few saw you, and we know them all."
"Then
good-bye. Tell the prince I will never forget his generosity, and that in days
to come, one whom his House does not know will come here and repay the debt he
conferred on me. And that where I walk, I will conduct myself to bring credit
to Clisp, as if I were a native."
"That I
will also do. Phaedrus . .. ?"
"Yes?"
"We'll
see to the remaining children. And that there will be a place for others."
"Good." And he turned away, and started walking. It didn't matter
really which direction he set off in, just to be moving.
He had
walked on for a good ways, out of sight of the car, when he heard it start up,
just barely, and then heard the noise of its passage back the way they had
come, fading rapidly, and then nothing. The road ahead of him dipped down
sharply and forded a shallow stream, which had worked its way down from the
mountains. When he reached it, he stopped and drank deeply, and looked up. He
couldn't see much, because of the forest growth, but he knew the stream came
down from the snows far above. As good a place as any. It was only after
he had gotten well into the climb that he stopped and allowed the grief and
anger and regret to flow through him. He let it run free, let it possess him;
and when he could think clearly again, the light of day was gone and the forest
and the stream were dark and still. Only far overhead was there light, a
luminous blue sky, traced with a lacy fretwork of cirrus clouds, tinted pink by
the setting sun.
4
"The wise man anticipates; the
fool grapples with what hap
pened; the shaman determines events
by deciding, defining the
environment in which things
'happen.' "
—H.C., Atropine
PHAEDRUS DID NOT stop for
the night, but kept on walking, using the weight of the pack as a goad, a whip.
He followed dim trails that led up, or south, or both, paths that narrowed
rapidly down to hardly more than animal passages, or were perhaps only random
arrangements of the way things grew. Tier by tier, ridge by ridge, he trudged
steadily ahead, walking through the long night of Oerlikon. Now and again, he
would look up, to the highest ridge above him, to see if it seemed any lower.
It didn't, so after a time he ignored it, and watched the ground, only looking
about to gauge the best way forward.
In Clisp, the mountains were left
mostly alone. Phaedrus met no wayfarers, saw no signs of habitation. The land
was dark and empty, and there was nothing but the night sky overhead, with its
random and meaningless assembly of faint stars.
He stopped to catch his breath,
looked up, and thought, There. One of those points, or better, one I can't
even see. One of those points has a world circling it, and on that world, men
gave orders. They spent much, they came back, to track me down and put a cruel
and drastic plan into operation. Strike quick, without warning, almost
randomly. Only something like that would get me. But for the concern of Pompeo
and his men, there would 1 have been, too.
But for what reason? Revenge I want,
now, and revenge I will have, but if I do not unravel why this occurred, I will
be striking at gaseous bubbles while the real enemy stalks again unseen.
He saw without effort that
punishment for what he had done to Lisagor would not explain the viciousness
of the attack. Indeed, it would be foolish to punish him at all—he was the tool
of a deeper conspiracy, and one does not govern a complex civilization spread
across many planets by punishing tools, or performing other absurdities of like
nature. Punishment is not their aim.
Those
star-folk; they came here, stayed here, manipulated Lisagor to their liking,
cleverly. And when it started to fall, coordinated with marvelous swiftness and
decisiveness, and pulled out. These are not people who do foolish things. They
plan, they think, and they act. They undertook a seemingly reckless act, one of
potential high cost, to get me. The answer stood before him as
obvious as the darkness of the night sky: They attack, to prevent me from
doing something.
He reflected
that it wouldn't be hard to understand how they knew of him. Several knew about
the plan, back in Symbarupol. If they had been captured, or gone over
voluntarily, then they would have known. But surely it was obvious he had no
aims beyond his original task—and that once that was done, he would try only to
regain some sort of normal life. He tried, as Damistofiya, but the old group
tried to kill her. Again, as Phaedrus, he had tried, been as low as water,
learned ambitiouslessness. No matter. Still they came. But this last
attack—that had been the work of offworlders, not renegade Lisaks, however it
looked. But there was the curious part, the part that wouldn't fit, no matter
how he tried to move it about: if they knew what he was, then it followed that
they knew he had no interest whatsoever in the offworlders. He could be no
threat to them . . . unless they knew something about him that he didn't know
himself. Phaedrus arrived at that point, and decided to walk on for a bit, and
concentrate on the pack: that thought opened up more speculations than he
wanted to explore right at the moment.
Crossing a watershed line whose
gentle slope concealed its height, Phaedrus stopped and looked back along the
way he had come; behind and below was darkness absolute, but beyond that, far
off toward the horizon, he could make out the open lands of the plains in the
dim starlight—a lighter tone of purple darkness, dotted with an occasional
light. Ahead of him were a few more ridges, interrupted with startling lone
peaks, rather more to the east than near him. Another group far off in the
west. The night was clear, and far to the northeast a soft glow suggested the probable
location of Marisol. And south, beyond the ridges, only the sky, dim and dark
near the horizon. He couldn't see the ocean yet.
Differing
emotions strove within him, each one wanting the mastery, each one clamoring
for the decisive position. In one set, he berated himself for failing to
protect the people who depended upon him— Meliosme, the children they had taken
in. In this mode, he accused,
Fool! You scamped your
responsibilities! You should have been sharpening your knife! But the
answer was clearer than the accusation. But we went the Tightest way. And
for me to have given over to paranoid fantasies of self-importance would have
set the crucial tone of the world wrong. Had he leered and plied his whetstone
and blade, while the keystone, so would it have been throughout. And who knows
how far that could have reached.
And he wondered if he
was still in the position. He had only looked once. Another voice clamored,
Revenge, that's the stuff! Get even! You have the power to see to the uttermost
point, and fling bolts of doom like Zeus!
That much was true, he ruefully
admitted, although he doubted he had enough data to get anything but a very dim
picture of the offworlders, and his aim would be correspondingly bad—and bad
aim demands high Circular Error Probable strikes—the main reason for the
existence of nuclear weapons in the far past. But there was a more important
counter to this. Revenge in any measurable degree of equality would involve
suffering of innocents far beyond any compensation for what had been done to
him. And even after that, Meliosme wouldn't be back. No. Pure revenge is
idiotic, nonproductive, and entropic. A reaction. No, at best we need to look
at this as an exercise in solving a problem. But formulating the problem,
that's the rub! What was the problem here? It could not be defined as
crime, nor even as terrorism, but the area it lay within was vague and
ill-defined.
But a third
voice, sliding up like a sleazy solicitor, offered something that, despite it's
tone, seemed the most promising of all. This one said,
Ask yourself why often enough and
maybe it'll dawn on you. Go ahead, do it! And the answer was not
hidden at all, but rather something that he'd hoped he'd not have to go into.
It's something to do with Jedily. . . . What she was. How Pternam got her as
his subject for the one successful try to attain the Morphodite. Phaedrus
walked on, now briefly downhill, and looked at that one plainly. That's
either a circular answer, leading me back where I started—or else it's a rug to
sweep everything under. He couldn't remember Jedily, so she was a blank
tablet—he could write all sorts of virtues and vices there—but writing them was
no proof they had ever been there in reality. And this was reality—people don't
spend large amounts of money and travel immense distances between the stars to
murder for trivial reasons. But he could see a third possibility, if Jedily
had once been, not an Oerlikonian
Lisak native, but an offworlder herself . . . perhaps one of the manipulators
herself, once. But something changed, if this was true, and . . .
IF. A big
dependant to hang a future on, and he could feel the shakiness of that branch.
And he could not read and get an answer clean. But there was a test he would
have to make before he could go further. Yes. But what was the right question?
Who was Jedily Tulilly? If she was what he had been told—an indigent scrubwoman
turned over to The Mask Factory, very well. But if she had been something else.
. . . They would possibly not wish him to find out who she was, had been, did,
or said, or claimed, or could do. . . . Yes. Possible. Phaedrus felt his head
clear a little. He increased his pace, driving deeper and deeper into the
mountains of Clisp, into the deepest recess of the night. Yes. We'll need to
start at Symbarupol, take up the trail there. They think I'll track agents of
fortune, but what I'll do is track myself—back into the past, and I'll bet the
paths intersect. They'll think they got away clean, and as they think it, I'll
step from behind a tree and say, "Ahem. Good Evening1."
And with
that he settled a little better into place, and he increased his speed. It was
not that he had to hurry to get where he was going, but that he could go there
and meet what was coming with more confidence, instead of fear and loathing.
Yes. Phaedrus had to meet someone, a woman by night. And Phaedrus wouldn't be,
anymore. He glanced at the sky. But not tonight. No. We have to find a place
where we won't be seen, and also where we can do some, uh, calculations. This
time we're going to try to control it a bit. What of it we can control.
By the slow light of dawn he found a
high place that looked isolated enough, with a good view all around down along
the slants of the ridges falling away. Far off, on the very horizon, was the
line of the ocean, south.
It was a
mossy alpine meadow, slanting gently down from a small scree flaking off a rock
face. There were no thornbushes or large rocks. Nor were there steep slopes he
could roll down. Not so far away a tiny stream bubbled in the rocks. Water.
He'd need a lot of water.
The day he
spent sleeping, arranging the packs, and eating on one of the packages of
concentrate. And trying to empty his mind; all thoughts, all striving, were to
be laid aside. Phaedrus sat up and stared long into the blue distances, and
watched the star Gysa wheel across the sky in its measured pace.
When the sun got close enough to the
horizon not to cast shadows anymore, he sat up, and began to focus on the task
at hand. All day, he had thought of nothing but the methods of his unique art
of seeing, of reading. Now he assembled those rules of the game
and laid out the lines of it the way he knew how. First he cast for the
identity of who he would be after Change.
He knew it
would be female. As the exercise progressed, the lineaments began filling in,
one by one, in odd, fragmented groups that seemed to occur deliberately so as
to prevent anticipation. That was the way of it: recursive. You had to play out
every step: no shortcuts. When the image began to come in, it was not precisely
seeing, but feeling who you yourself were. A kind of self-image. This one did
not sit well.
A long body
and longer limbs, probably taller at full adult size than Rael had been, but
now hopelessly oversized and uncoordinated. That was the age-regression of
Change, too. He wondered if he could slow that. What he had to do would be hard
on a girl just past childhood.
Large eyes,
a large, full mouth. He shook his head. He had never been one to complain about
appearances. Rael had been no prize, with his morose and saturnine countenance.
Still, this didn't feel right at all. He erased his marks on the flat rock he
had made and started over from the beginning, taking extra verification steps.
If anything
changed, it was the clarity of the image. It was clearer. She would be
attractive, would catch eyes. He examined that more closely. Could that conceal
as well? Could he become that role? Could he slow the reversal process? This
was a separate question.
The answer
was hard, and took up most of the faint daylight that was left. Yes, but there
were limits. He saw them clearly. The girl would have to make do with the end
of adolescence. He couldn't tamper with the process Pternam had ingrained into
him beyond certain limits. If everything went right, he might be able to get
her up to twenty standard years, and he had no time to do the computation for
another look at what she'd be then. Hopefully she'd have outgrown the
worst of the childishness still in the image he had of her.
Phaedrus
looked around himself. One last time, I'll see this scene as me-now. It'll
be different, then. Probably daylight by the time I come around.
He lay back
and began relaxing, one muscle at a time, floating backward, away from consciousness,
seeking the internal state of balance and self-awareness by which he could
initiate the process of Change. He did not consider the pain and terror at all.
Of what use was worrying about it? This had to be. Phaedrus had done what was
proper for Phaedrus to do. Now it was another's turn. He drifted further
within, reflecting with some wry humor that he hadn't even bothered to name
this one. The outrageous awkward limbs suggested something preposterous: Beumadine.
Hephzibah. Euwayla. No. Maybe it wouldn't be like that, at all. Let it go. He
was sinking fast. He had to steer this, or else now fall into a sleep from
which he would be too far in to awaken. Already outside sensation was gone. And
deeper, he could begin to sense the glow of that center he was seeking, the
core, where bright threads crawled and writhed in an impossible dance that
never ended. Now they were clear, moving at blurred speeds, enlarging,
multiplying, filling the universe, immense. In danger of being lost in that, he
pushed back, almost losing the state. Now, maintain orientation and slow
them down. This was the hardest one yet. But by great effort of will, the
bright threads slowed, became visible, slowed still more, moving closer. Now.
Dead stop. This one. He changed it. And this one for the control
of age regression, and he saw with sad resignation why there were limits on
this, but he could not have explained it in words. There weren't any. And
what else are these? All his pasts were in there, encoded, reduced to a
single set of rules which would set a recursive sequence in motion and expand
to the whole: there was Phaedrus. Inside himself, he saw the reduction of what
he had been. And there: Damistofiya. And Rael. That one was odd, not like the
others. There were gaps in it. And one more . . . That one, that would have to
be Jedily. And it was badly damaged. Shorter than the others, as if hacked off,
but there were parts of it intact. He looked further, feeling once again the
pressure of Time; he could not hold this stasis indefinitely. How could he
recover that part, the only thing left of the original. Yes. There, make
that one change and splice that Jedily section onto the template now ready to
form for her who was to be. A name came into his mind from nowhere: Nazarine.
He made the final change, and let go, and saw the core whirl away angrily, as
if he had tampered too much. He felt a great fear, rising back up through the
levels of consciousness and finally opening his eyes.
There was
nothing but the night. In fact, there was still a glow on the far horizon. He
sat up. He shook his head, expecting some symptom, some feeling. Nausea,
lightheadedness. That one had been rough. This Change might well be a real
ride. But there was nothing. He smelled clean air, the smell of moss and
grasses, his own scent, more than a little tired and sweaty. He laughed,
aloud. No worry now about cleanlinessJ In an hour I'll have layers of every
sort of nastiness. He heard the wind, far off, moving lazily around the
peaks and defiles. He tried to organize what he had seen into some pattern of
order; what part of Jedily had he recovered. Now he could consider it. It was
not any of her substance, or of her continuous memory. That was gone forever.
Pternam had burned that out. No. Wait. He struggled to remember it as it
had been. There were two levels of damage to the Jedily segment. One was
clearly done by Pternam, reaching for the Morphodite. Jedily had forgotten all
that under the stress she had somehow endured. Mindless in the end, personalityless.
But there was an earlier set of damages to the "tape" and those were
clear and methodical, not at all like the accidental erasures and smears of the
last damages. That part had been done to Jedily before Pternam ever got her.
Phaedrus
felt the ground move under him, a faint, seesaw motion, a jelly like trembling
on the edge of perception. Earthquake? It went on a bit, and then subsided.
Of course! He wanted to go back within, and examine it again, but he knew
he couldn't; inside him a time bomb was running, and Change would start any
moment. Besides, he thought, I spliced the Jedily section onto
Nazarine, because these isn't any structure or memory per se on it. Whatever's
on that section will add onto Nazarine. It's fragments of some kind of
knowledge, and she'll know it, without knowing how. And Jedily will be truly
gone, then. It will transfer and vanish. If I ever go within again, there will
be no Jedily tape there. In the end, he himself had been the last assassin
who struck the final blow. Whatever Jedily was, he would have to learn by
conventional methods. That part of him was gone.
He felt the
ground motion again, start up, shaking, growing stronger. Oh, shit, I have
to change in the middle of an earthquake! He lay back flat on the moss, and
watched a small stone sitting atop another. The motion became more violent,
but the rocks didn't move. Nor did grass-stems wave. But they had to move. The
ground was shuddering like an animal in pain! He sat up and looked around, at
everything he could see, the moss, the talus pile, rocks around him. Nothing
was moving, falling over. He started to stand up, but the shaking was so
intense he couldn't, and instead got on his knees, as if he were going to
crawl. There was a loud buzzing in his ear, a piercing high tone, growing
louder, painful, and he looked in desperation to the ocean horizon, the black
line forty kilometers away, south. Steady, but then yellow glowing lava crawled
down his forehead and slid over his eyes, and he was buried, covered, still in the
crawling position. Roasting! Some geologist will find me and wonder how the
hell . . . And then Phaedrus didn't have any more thoughts to think.
In the uninhabited wilds of the
mountains of Clisp, a creature underwent terrible changes. It grovelled, made
tentative crawling motions, fell back, moved its limbs uncertainly. From time
to time, sudden and drastic alterations would take place: fluids erupted from
every orifice in shuddering heaves and convulsions. Pungent and sickening odors
vented off it, and patches of its body produced copious flows of loathsome substances.
It made sounds, but they resembled nothing intelligible. Parts of its body
steamed and smoked in the cool night air, and the rocky ground on which it lay
was stained with secretions that left phosphorescent runnels for a time. For a
long time it continued its random movements, but as the night progressed, these
slowed and by daylight the thing was still, although clearly some reactions
were still taking place.
Daylight
revealed what to a casual observer might resemble a plague victim who had been
burned badly and extensively. All the hair of the head and limbs was gone; the
head and face were a shapeless lump. It did not move, and appeared dead, but
there was a pulse, and if one could have looked very close, there was
breathing, although almost imperceptible. The clothing it had worn was stained
and soaked, unrecognizable now. And there was a very curious thing about the
clothing: it was singularly ill-fitting. The hands, bony claws, protruded from
the sleeves, and the feet, similarly, stuck out awkwardly from the bottoms of
its pants, and the general appearance was that of a person tall and bony, with
swollen, enlarged joints.
During the
long Oerlikonian day, the creature did not move, or if it did, it was so slowly
that the motion was unobservable. The starlight of Gysa shone down on it
indifferently, and the shadows around it moved, following the sun. Dusk came,
and then the night. In the first darkness, some of the stains around it on the
rocks glowed faintly, a pale yellowish light like cave fungi, but after a
time, this faded.
It was dark when consciousness
returned to him, and he thought it was the same night. He remembered almost
nothing; all he could experience was pain unrelenting. Skin like roasting meat,
bones and joints like dislocations on the rack, muscles tearing, over and over
again. He could move a little; his shoes hurt and cramped, and somehow he
managed to kick them off, although the effort was almost beyond him, both from
lack of strength and lack of coordination. Patches of flesh went with the
shoes. He also managed to loosen some of the clothing, but could not get any of
it off, and after a time faded out again, but this time, he was prey to
numerous hallucinations, which he encouraged as an interested observer. Within
themselves, they were perfectly coherent, but they did not connect with
anything, or make any sense; he could not interpret them.
He awoke
later, sometime; the stars were different, although it was yet dark, without a
hint of dawn in the east. The pain was still with him, and he felt the
delirious giddyness of high fever, but this at least seemed orderly. He could
barely move. Now he remembered some things, and could begin to place some order
on his perceptions. Odd fragments of scenes drifted before his eyes, sometimes
obscuring what his senses reported, but at least he could understand that
these were temporary lapses, not realities. He lay on the rocks for a long
time, until a soft rosy glow begin to appear in parts of the east, and then he
slept. But this time, it was sleep, not unconsciousness.
He awoke
again, and his head was clearer. He remembered that he was Phaedrus, and that
he had initiated Change, and that something had happened. The sun was far in
the west, and shadows were long, but it was yet daylight. His body sent him
conflicting messages: an incredible thirst and hunger, an emptiness such as he
could not ever recall knowing, and simultaneously a nausea so powerful he
dared not move for fear of making it worse. He reasoned carefully, like a
drunk, that part of the reason for the nausea was the incredible stench that
assaulted his sense of smell. With halting motions, he dragged himself to the
little rivulet bubbling over the rocks. He remembered it had been nearby. Now
it seemed as far away as the planets of the offworlders. He spent the rest of
the daylight crawling to that water; and much of the dusk he spent arguing with
himself whether to drink first or start washing. Thirst won. At the first, he
could not keep the water down, but after several tries, he managed to retain
some. He shivered violently with bone-chilling cold, and understood that the
sensation was part of a fever that yet raged within his body. Still, slowly,
interspersed with short flights of sleep, or fever hallucinations, he struggled
out of his clothing, and began washing the worst off, feeling the sting of the
cold water ten times over. And by the dawn of the next day, he understood that
he wasn't Phaedrus any longer. By the light of dawn, he laboriously crept to
the place where he had cached his survival pack, and dug out some thin
blankets. Among the oddments of gear in the bag he found a signaling mirror,
and looked in it curiously, seeing in the image distorted by the shaking of his
hand a person he did not know, a clown's face with only a dark shadow where the
hair would be, puffy eyes, a pulpy mouth of no recognizable shape, rubbery
lips. He shook his head. He examined the body tentatively. Female. But she wasn't
very much to look at. The frame was wasted and cadaverous, with bones showing
everywhere. It did not resemble the image he had procured within of Nazarine,
but whatever she was, she was long of limb, as long as Rael had been, maybe
longer, and where the skin had settled down to just being skin, it was a sallow
olive color. She put the mirror back in the bottom of the pack. Now to begin
trying to eat something, and put some shape on this body. And she thought,
That Change was the worst I can remember. Is this the way of it? Does it get
worse each time? Is this worth it? For now, she admitted the answer was
probably no, but she also knew that as her strength returned, it would assume
more worth. Even so, she knew that it would be a long time before she could
face Change again. Decades, perhaps. And that put limitations on her, what she
would have to do. She had shed Phaedrus and become Nazarine, but Nazarine would
have to be careful. Starting here. Now.
She had difficulty keeping solid
food down, and was weak, for a long time unable to stand. It was ten days
before she was able to walk any distance, and was still thin as a labor camp
inmate. Nevertheless, Nazarine decided that it was time to start the long
slopes back toward Marisol. She would have to build herself up as she went.
There was a problem: the food concentrate in the survival packs was almost
gone.
As she
walked, she worked her arms, trying to loosen up. All her limbs felt stiff,
overstrained. And she thought, And until I can make use of the amulet Pompeo
gave Phaedrus, I am going to look a sight. She looked down at the long body
she now possessed. Her feet stuck out of Phaedrus's old, serviceable pants,
and already her chest filled his old shirt. She laughed, even though it hurt
terribly around the ribs: I look like a tramp! The shoes had proven
impossible to adapt, so she went barefooted, which made progress slow.
Two days
later, the last of the food gave out. But she had come a long way down from the
high mountains, and at night could see outlying settlements below her on the
plains. She had also stopped one day at noon, and read for the pivot of
the World. It was no longer herself. Who it was, she didn't read. Only
that it wasn't her. She was free.
She walked
on, concentrating on one step at a time, finally reaching the flat alluvial
plains of Clisp. It was cool, but she still had the survival blanket, and
wrapped it around herself. She walked along a dusty road for a day and a night,
stopping only short periods to rest, and then going on. But finally her
strength, none too sure to start with, began giving out, and the rests became
longer. At dusk, she stopped under a huge spreading tree and leaned against its
trunk wearily. She would just close her eyes for a moment. . . .
. . . She woke
up and it was late afternoon: the sun was far off over the western peaks, and
shadows were long. It was disorienting—waking up before one went to sleep.
Impossible. Her stomach growled. How long had she been here? A whole day.
She felt a
small motion at her neck, and brushed, as if pushing an insect away. It came
back. She brushed again. Nothing. Then something touched her hair. She grasped
at it, and her fingers closed on a hand, which was quickly snatched out of her
grip, accompanied by a grunting giggle: "Hunh-hunh-hunh-hunh." She
turned painfully to look, and saw an enormous cretin, grinning and reaching for
her. She tried to get up, but sprawled out on the side of the road. Weak. She
looked again. The creature was an overgrown boy with an expression of constant
beaming mirth on his face, but larger than most men. Easily twice her weight,
and in her present condition, much stronger. She doubted she had the ordination
of those long, thin limbs. He shook his head, reprovingly, and came forward,
kneeling down beside her. "Woman," he breathed. Then he reached, as
if reaching for an overripe fruit, and grasped her left breast. It was still
filling out and was sore and tender. She pulled away, freeing her legs, and
shaking her head. The cretin nodded. He said, "Uhhuh. Woman." He
leaned forward, clumsily, to touch her again.
Nazarine
rolled a little back and kicked hard at the cretin's solar plexus, and to her
surprise, it connected. It felt like she had kicked a tree trunk. What with
normal strength would have disabled him, and left him gasping for breath in the
middle of the road, now only rolled him off balance and made him mad.
"Uh." He grunted. "Hurt." He surged to his feet like a
tiger and stood over her with an altogether unearthly expression on his now
red face. Nazarine tried to recall everything she could, desperately. He
reached, suddenly, before she could counter it, picked her up and pummeled her
viciously. It was like being dismembered by a whirlwind. Clumsy, he succeeded
from sheer strength. She found herself lying in the road on her back with the
cretin sitting on her stomach, pinning her arms with his tremendous knees, her
head swimming. She heard something off to the side somewhere, to which the
cretin responded, looking up suddenly. He shouted, sidelong, not speaking
directly, "Colly find, Colly keep. This one not run away."
The voice
hardened a bit, and said, now a lot closer, "No, Colly. Get up and let her
be. Or we'll put the sparker on you."
Colly shook
his head. "No sparker."
The unseen
voice, thin and with an edge in it, repeated, "No, Colly. Not yours.
Off!" She sensed motion, and there was a vicious crackling, like
electricity, and with a sudden thrust in his knees, Colly abruptly stood up,
moving to the side, making odd, tentative motions with his hands, held low, and
shaking his head like an angry and baffled animal.
There was
someone standing in the road, in the shadows of the tree, holding a thick metal
tube longer than his arm, which had four stubby projections at the end of it.
This he waved, back and forth in measured time. He said, "Get gone and
don't come back—or I'll hot-wire your fundament to the house generator."
This was not said in heat, but coolly, matter-of-factly, almost as if an idle
comment. But Colly apparently understood the rod and the words well, for he
turned and loped off, heading toward the west.
Nazarine
slowly sat up, rolling over on her knees first, and tried to stand. Her legs
felt like water. The figure stepped out of the shadows and offered her his
hand. She took it, a little uncertain, but it was firm and she stood, shakily,
but on her own feet.
She could
see more clearly now. In the road stood a man of indeterminate age, rather
thin, with sharp, crisp features, and the evidence of a hard life on the lines
of his face. His eyes, however, were large, deep set, and alert. He looked at
her carefully.
He said,
"Sorry you had to find Colly. Or he find you. He's only dangerous if you
let him slip up on you."
"What
is he?"
"Colly
is Colly. He's always been like that. Not all there." He shrugged, and
made a motion with his forefinger to his temple as if he were screwing a bolt
into place. Then he tapped it. "Like that. He does odd and heavy jobs
around the farms, sleeps in odd corners of barns.... He's always looking for a
woman, but of course no one would have him. He doesn't really know what to do,
should he find one. The local topers once took him to a happy-house and threw a
lot of money in the door after him. Thought it would calm him down."
"Did
it?" She asked coolly.
"No.
He's quite incompetent. The trouble is, he's strong enough to give someone a
bad lick, if by nothing else than accident, and if you
tried to fight him . . ." He
shook his head. "Bad move, that."
"If
things were normal, I could have handled him."
He nodded.
"I see they are not. You appear to have had an adventure."
She said,
"It is a longish story I would as soon leave. I walked over the mountains
from the South Coast."
He shifted
position, relaxing a little. "From the coast. Ah, now. You are not
Clispish; I heard it in your speech." "That is so. However, I was and
am in the employ of the prince." "Present?" "Not Amadeo.
Pompeo." "Well, good. We thought well of him, even though he was no
hero.
Things come to one in their own
time, do they not? And so for Pompeo the great days came at the end of his
reign, most of which was illegal, as you know. Still and all he wore them well.
But of course Amadeo now holds the purse strings. Will you work for him as
well?" There was a subtle undertone in his question, a subtle probing.
"I did
not work for the government, but for the prince himself. One of his servants. A
courier."
"He
still uses some?"
"A few.
There are things he wishes to know, to do."
"Good,
there. You will find Amadeo very different."
"So I
have heard."
"Well.
You were on your way from the South Coast to somewhere; would you return to
Cape Forever?" "No. I am for Marisol. But I need to stop for a while.
I don't think I can make it as I am."
"Your
mission continues, then?"
"My
mission has just started."
"Allow
me to further the work of the old prince, then. I see you need some clothing,
rest, food. These I can share, although they are plain enough. Come
along." He turned and started off along the road, soon ducking under a low
branch, and following a faint path across the side ditch into the fields. He
looked back. "Are you coming?"
She nodded
weakly, and started after him, slowly.
5
"The
virtue of the Tarot, the I Ching, and the Sabean Symbols, and acts of divination
using these schemata, is not that they reveal a future which was hidden from
us, but that they remind us of the understandings we already possessed, but did
not openly acknowledge."
—H.C.,
Atropine
WHILE THE PEOPLE of Old
Lisagor were in appearance an undistinguished group that could have walked
anywhere among the civilized worlds without notice, the inhabitants of the
other continent of Oerlikon, Tartary, would have been noticeable in almost any
crowd. Tall and gaunt, with horselike faces and flapping black robes, each one
lived essentially alone in a rude stone castle, preferably reared by their own
hands, and each one was a law unto themselves. There was no government and no
law in Tartary, save the complicated etiquette by which the Makhaks lubricated
those rare occasions of social intercourse they tolerated.
With
indifference they allowed the offworlders to establish an enclave on a small
embayment in the south, which was hardly less harsh a climate than the north.
Those foreigners who could cope with the incessant winds, the complicated,
arcane manners which all were expected to master without instruction, were
welcome to visit; most stayed only long enough to transact a piece of business,
and then left, eager to be away from the gaunt natives who asked no quarter and
gave none. Nevertheless, among a few of the holds near the Enclave, offworlders
were tolerated for somewhat longer periods and cynically pumped for everything
they knew.
Master Amew
Madraz maintained a freehold on Dankmoss Moor, an open, and to offworld eyes,
curiously undefined patch of land a daywalk* north of the Enclave. Master
Madraz seemed uncommonly well-off for a Makhak, having half a dozen men-at-arms
and retainers quartered within his hold, bound to him by the stiff and
blood-curdling formulae by which Makhaks defined relationships involving
personal services. And for some time, Madraz had kept as guests an offworld man
and woman, an unheard of thing, who had chosen to rent a section of one of the
eccentric towers reared by a previous tenant. To these at various times came
other visitors, as well as an occasional Lisak. They claimed that they had
business which would not bear airing within the close confines of the Enclave,
where everyone knew everyone else, and anyone's business was soon the property
of all.
The visitors
were a curious lot: they had come on one arrival of the offworlders' scheduled
liner, missed another arrival, and were now apparently awaiting the next,
their business finished. They were more self-contained than most, and evidenced
no curiosity at all toward the makhak custom, or the land itself. Intense and
disciplined, those were the words! Moreover, they acted as much like Makhaks as
their own custom allowed, a fact which left Madraz considerably at ease; they
did not interact much with himself, or with his bondsmen. Curious. Yet they
would shortly be gone, a minor incident of little importance.
Cesar Kham and Arunda Palude
occupied a tower which had been part of an earlier part of Schloss Madraz, and
which they had repaired with their own hands, correcting the worst of its
drafty and cold habitats. Still, it was cold and drafty enough. They wore extra
clothing, and exercised when it became too much to bear. The stony, flat
expanses of Tartary, grim and hopeless under its virtually perpetual overcast,
offered little in the way of trees for firewood, and there were no grazing
animals to provide inflammable dung chips, either. There were peat bogs, but
their use was carefully guarded, and no makhak would have thought twice about
using fuel merely for personal comfort. The very concept was impossible to
frame in their language without a circuitous series of euphemisms, typical of
such a grim folk.
Their sole
heat source came from candles, made, it was said, by certain Makhaks of the
north coasts who meticulously wove gossamer nets and strained from the frigid
northern seas tiny crustaceans whose bodies were filled with wax. The candles
emitted a dense, oily yellow light and left behind them a distinct marine odor.
They spent much of their considerable idle time playing intricate games,
complicated and overcomplicated to serve the purpose of passing time. Now and
again, they would have a visit from one or another of their agents, and then
spend days considering every aspect of the agent's report.
Their last
visitor had left before dark, and now, over the thin gruel and swampberry hash
the makhaks subsisted on, they considered his findings.
Kham
ventured, "We'll have a few more reports before we leave, of course, but
from all indications it seems that the job has been done successfully. There
are no traces of that creature whatsoever."
Palude, her
face pinched and prematurely aging from the constant cold, sniffled
contemptuously and answered, "Yes, they are all certain, aren't
they?"
"You
don't think so?" He raised his almost invisible eyebrows, and, grimacing
at the dank, smoky flavor, swallowed another spoonful of crushed swampberries.
"Well,
you know they won't have to live with the consequences if they made a mistake.
From what we know of that thing, it will probably be able to figure out where
such an attack came from. If it didn't have any motivation before, it certainly
will now."
"You've
heard the same data I have."
"Yes,
and I'm an integrator by trade. And there are some things missing. No positive
identification, for one thing. And for lack of anything else, it just doesn't
feel right. We did similar things back in the old days, and I tell you there is
something slipshod—is that the proper word?— about all this."
"You
have been practicing with those fortune-telling systems; what sort of answers
do they give?"
"Ambiguous
and haunting. Or openly disastrous."
Kham made a
peculiar grimace in which he pressed his thin lips together so that his mouth
became an almost-invisible line. "For example?"
Palude
reached into her traveling bag and produced a small metal tube, shaking it. A
dry rattling came from within. "Here are the yarrow stalks. They cost me
even more than the book did—the I Ching. I have been studying it
closely, learning its ways, which are somewhat opposed to the way we look at
things. We believe in causality; it explains coincidence and change. It is
disturbing."
"Go
on."
"When
they sent the message that the attack had been done, I threw the stalks, asking
the question, 'Did it succeed?' I got this answer: #44, Kou, 'Coming to Meet.'
The maiden is powerful; one should not marry. There were changeable lines in
positions one, two, four and six, leading to #63, Chi Chi, 'After Completion.'
That one says, 'At the beginning, good fortune; at the end, disorder.' There is
a lot more to it, and of course in some cases such a reading could imply a
favorable course, but I found it not so good, considering what we were dealing
with. So disturbing was this that I then asked, 'Specify the outcome of this
event.' I got #49, Ko, 'Molting or Revolution,' changing lines one, three,
four, five and six to become #23, Po, 'Splitting Apart.' "
Kham
chuckled. "I thought one did not question oracles."
Palude shook
her head. "One does not doubt. But it is permitted to ask for further
explanation." "Your interpretation?" "We assumed that the
Morphodite would be a young man, if it had
survived; most likely in Clisp,
hiding. We found, after, what we believed to be such a person, who seemed to
have no origin, and who was leading a quiet and a charitable life. If he
survived the attack, the elimination operation, he would change as an act of
self-preservation, becoming a woman again. 'The maiden is powerful.' Then, 'At
the end, disorder.' That appears to be his unique power, to institute Change at
a fundamental level, a stage of disorder leading to another stable
configuration."
"And
the rest?"
"I
should say it needs little reading-into. Assuming we read it specifically from
our point of view, that reading means that change is due, will be caused, and
that people opposed to our way of thinking will come to predominate."
Kham hunched
forward in his seat, more attentive and not smiling. "If you believe that,
than we have done worse than simple failure. We have stirred up something dire
and evil."
"Cesar,
you left out the best part of this."
"Eh?
What's that?"
"We
don't know who we're looking for, now."
"Hm.
That's so, just so. //it's as you say, there. How about the rest? Let me hear
an integrator speak."
"We got
a body count. No identities, save that of his woman. There were four more
adult-sized bodies in there; any one could have been him, or might not have.
There is no confirmation."
"What
report from the agents?"
"Official
mourning. Righteous anger, and the dispatch of Clispish agents to various parts
to see what they can turn up. The actions look proper, but there's a shakiness
to them that doesn't quite look right . . . There is too much attention to it.
It looks like a stage-act, with very few people knowing the truth, but this
course does not reveal motives."
"Then
he had help we didn't know about!"
"Not
necessarily. The reports indicate no knowledge of his true abilities. That
would have surfaced if it had been known. But he may have had some help without
this knowledge. High up."
"Can we
look into this? We have time to confirm something of this, surely, before the
next ship departs."
Palude said,
"I have already set that in motion, and we should soon be getting reports.
I have instructed our plants to concentrate in two areas—accidental case, and
help from very high. I expect nothing from the first, but we might get
something from the second."
Kham nodded.
"You were emphatic?"
"Rather.
I told them, in fact, to take some chances and not be overly concerned about
having to bolt and run. We need confirmation of success or failure before we
go back."
Kham mused,
"Well, if success, contrary to your oracle, we should have no worry."
Palude sat still in the dimness of the stone tower room, and then said, softly,
"And if failure, there isn't anything we can do about it."
Nazarine had little reserve left
after the long walk, and the exertion with the cretinous Colly, and when she
finally arrived at the house, she did little for the next several days except
sleep. Sometimes she woke for a time, and ate. Someone was there; at least,
someone seemed to know when she'd need food. The meals were uniform, bland, and
to her surprise, nourishing. She still retained a tremendous desire to sleep,
and stayed awake only long enough to take minimal care of her body, but after
an uncertain passage of time she noticed that she felt better, and her sleep
was lighter. More significantly, her body was filling out.
She learned
a little, but not much, about her host, who apparently was called Marcian.
There was also a ghostly-quiet small girl-child, Cerulara, who came and went,
saying nothing, and vanishing immediately. Both were quiet, busy with their
own affairs. They gave her a place to recover, and left her alone.
Recovering
more of her strength, Nazarine began to explore the house, and some of the
grounds around it. It seemed to be nothing more than a farm, although it was
very neatly kept. Marcian spent much of the day either out in the fields, or
working silently and intently in one of the small outbuildings, repairing some
piece of machinery, while the little girl seemed to keep the household chores
at bay. Nazarine estimated the girl's age at no more than ten no matter what,
but she suspected younger.
They were so
strange and silent. She could have easily read the answer, but she sensed
something private about their ghostly movements, about their grim silences, and
she left it alone. Whatever it was, it did not concern her. It was curiously
like the routines people adopt to put grief off, except that the original
object had long since withered away, leaving them with a routine which they
still adhered to. And what was their relationship? Father and daughter? She
thought so, and yet there was something missing there as well. And if so, then
where was the mother? Dead? She probed their movements and habits, sensing
rather than doing a reading; there were none of the essential markers of a
death in the family.
She
approached Cerulara about repairing and refitting her clothing, which the child
acknowledged with the fewest words possible, but also as if Nazarine had asked
her an impossible question. The girl hurried off to find Marcian, for whatever
he could add. Nazarine shook her head in confusion. But later that day, in the
afternoon, late, when the shadows were falling down from the mountains into the
glades of the dooryard, Cerulara came out into the yard, where Nazarine was
sitting, with an armload of clothing, all of which seemed to have been stored
away. Together, they went through it, piece by piece, selecting the suitable,
returning the obviously unsuitable. Nazarine picked things that were
serviceable and plain, and left aside the rest. She wanted now merely something
to wear besides the ancient bathrobe Marcian had given her. Cerulara made
several trips in and out of the old wooden house.
Cerulara
fixed supper as the sun, Gysa, was sinking behind the ranges far off in the
southwest, layers of blue and violet lightening as they approached the sky to
a color not greatly different from the pale blue wash of the sky itself.
Marcian always washed outside, in a homemade shower room he had built behind
one of the outbuildings. Nazarine met him, wearing some of the things: a pair
of loose brown pants, a soft beige blouse, and a vest over that. The nights
were cool now, as fall deepened.
She said,
"I am well enough to walk about."
"I
know. You have done very well. You recover fast."
She added,
"Carulara brought me some old clothes . . ."
"I see.
Well, they seem to fit you well enough."
"I only
need to borrow them for a while. . . ." He nodded, absentmindedly, going
on into the house. Nazarine turned and asked, "Can I take my meals with
you two now? I am well enough? Certainly not an invalid."
"Certainly.
Although you may find it hard to make breakfast with us. We arise early."
"Get me
up. And if you wish, I can help. I would like to repay some of your
kindness."
"I
know. We saw you had nothing but that cartouche. That's a powerful talisman.
You don't need anything else. But of course you have to be somewhere where they
can credit it back. At the moment, you're as poor as the rest of us." He
seemed to be making some calculation back in his mind, weighing her. "You
don't look much like a field hand, and that's what I need. No offense, but
you've got a city woman's body."
"Perhaps.
I am only what I am. However, I need exercise and motion."
He nodded
assent, slowly. "Very well. You'll be leaving soon, then?"
Nazarine
looked at Marcian closely. There was no barb in his question, but under it,
there was a curious tone of sad resignation. "No. I'm in no hurry. I owe
you something .. . for pulling me in off the road; and of course Colly."
"I hope
you weren't planning to walk to Marisol in the condition you were in."
"I had
nowhere else to go."
"You
can stay as long as you want, and go when you want." It was incredibly
generous, and yet there was an icy aloofness in it, too. She saw something else
in him, too: a deep, intense appreciation of her body, but one he kept under
strong control. How did she know that? Damistofia had hardly interacted
with normal men, and Nazarine now recalled her responses as clumsy and rude
approximations at best. But now she knew, instinctively. How? Then she
remembered Change, and those torn fragments of the Jedily section.
Jedily had lived a woman all her life, from youth to age, and apparently knew
men well. There was no memory of anything. That was as blank as before.
But there was something else present in her now. An established pattern of
identity. And she appreciated Marcian seeing her that way, even if nothing
ever came of it. All this went through her mind in a flash, and when the
thought was gone, she looked back, returning at least the
gesture-acknowledgment of his attention, from which he looked away abruptly. He
said, "Ruli will set supper out."
Supper was an occasion which was no
more animated than the rest of the routines they lived through. Cerulara cooked
and set supper out, but at the end, everyone set to cleaning things up, and as
soon as Cerulara saw that things were proceeding as they should, vanished into
whatever part of the house was hers, presumably to bed. Marcian puttered about
for a moment, and then found what he was looking for, a jar of some herb, with
which Nazarine's nose wasn't familiar, from which he steeped up a fragrant herb
tea. He offered Nazarine some. "It's the only luxury I allow myself."
"What is it?"
"Wintergall. Muscle relaxant." After a moment, he added, "You
sleep without dreams you remember." She took the cup and sat down.
"The clothes are very nice. Thank you." "No need. There's no one
else to wear them, and they'd probably dry-rot before Ruli grows enough to fill
them out. Take what you need."
"Is
Cerulara your daughter?"
"Yes."
"Is the
lady of the house dead?"
"Not as
far as I know."
"But
she's not coming back?"
"No.
Have no fears on that score. She won't be back." And he tossed off the cup
of tea and began making ready to leave the room. He started to turn the light
off, but saw that she wasn't finished, and so left it on. For a time, Nazarine
sat in the silent kitchen and thought aimless things, hearing Marcian make
small noises elsewhere in the house, until they, too, stopped. She finished the
tea, turned out the lights, and returned to her own small room behind the
kitchen.
And so it became that Nazarine
entered into yet another routine of nothing more complicated than Basic Life,
with all its attendant compromises and nagging problems whose solutions were
never final. Weeding, harvesting, cleaning and repairing machinery. And as
before, when she had been Phaedrus, seemingly in another geologic era, she
found something deep and satisfying in it. And at the time, terrifying: all
these people confronted nothingness daily, insignificance, nobodyhood, oblivion.
Wherever they had originally come from, now they were stranded on a piece of
star-stuff—and the starry stuff was no different from a clot of earth. But
their every action expressed their basic drive to attain some kind of meaning
to their hves.
She was
particularly sensitive to this, having started her present consciousness from
Rael, who had been placed at the very center of significance and, through her
serial personality, had been running from that ever since. Yes. All people
wanted to defy time, have power, make changes, leave something permanent, but
to have such a power was worse: one walked with warlocks and evil wizards,
perverse gods and terrifying demons. When people attained that power, they
invariably went bad as they grasped at it.
And she felt
the pressure now to re-enter that stream again, for many reasons, and yet she
also sensed a deep-seated repugnance and disgust. Once back on that path, it
would never end. There would never be an end to the uses she could put Rael's
system to, and with potential immortality, there was no end-check on it. Yes.
Phaedrus had been right to leave that.
But as she
worked, she also knew that somewhere, something was hunting her, with a will
that did not flag; some malevolent aim that was passed on from hand to hand.
They would suspect, eventually, that they had missed Phaedrus, and then the
apparatus would be activated again. She could hide here, certainly, in the
back-country of Clisp, but who could say what further crimes could be done
against, say, Marcian, or even Cerulara, should she remain here. She glanced
across the rows to where Marcian was untangling some tangleweed from the tines
of a harvester, and thought, This cannot be again.
At first,
they tolerated her, as a well-meaning, but hopelessly inexperienced city-bred
idiot who had no feel for the unending drudgery of keeping a farm up—or
appreciating its rare moments when everything, for a moment, was done, and one
could laze the day away. Rare, rare. But gradually, she kept at it, and the
toleration slowly mutated into acceptance. But one thing did not change: the
grim silence and the locked emotions that both Marcian and Cerulara kept. And
yet they both responded more openly to her. More than once she had caught a
small shred of affection from Cerulara, and also more than once, she had caught
hints of Marcian's appreciation of her body, and unlike the boyish and subtle
Damistofia, as Nazarine she had developed a full, ripe figure, distributed on
a tall, loose frame. There was no leer in his glance, but simple desire, and
something, probably from Jedily, also caught herself wondering how it would be
to have love with such a one. For the moment, she let the question go
unanswered, even in speculation.
As the
autumn wore on into the gates of winter, the cooler air began to bite a little
at night, and the work, at the same time, slowed, and they all had considerably
more leisure time. She went on several trips with Marcian and Cerulara, to
visit brokers, or to buy supplies for the house, and Nazarine found herself
becoming attached to the simple life she had fallen into, the open air, the
direct experience, the sunburned hands. To be sure, she remembered vividly the
composite pasts of her former selves, the intrigue, and its brother, fear.
Constantly. And she also remembered a thirsty enemy and the riddle she had not
yet tried to answer—who had Jedily been. She was sitting in the open
power-wagon Marcian used for all his errands, looking at the brightly dressed
crowds milling about among the benches and stalls, with Cerulara behind her.
She caught sight of Marcian making his way through the crowd, and when he saw
her, his stern, angular face brightened. Fractionally, but enough. It was time
to go.
That night, back at the farm, after
supper there was more animation than she had seen since coming there, and as
they were clearing everything away afterward, once Marcian briefly put his
hand on her shoulder, affectionately.
Late, very
late, after the house had long become quiet, Nazarine made up a packet of the
most serviceable clothing, and after a quick, silent tour of the house, slipped
out into the soft anonymous night of Oerlikon, with its random weak stars. She
drew a deep breath of the cold night air, sighed, and set off down the road,
away from the mountains behind her, and toward the northeast, where dimly one
could barely make out the lights of something, perhaps a city, glowing faintly
in the haze above the city proper. More than once she stopped and looked back.
Twice, she stopped, hesitated, and then went on. Once she turned back, but she
only went a few steps before resuming her old course.
She had left
a short note, explaining why she had left, and promising to send some money
from Marisol to help pay for her upkeep while she had been with them. She knew
it wouldn't be sufficient. But it was better for them, and sometimes, she knew,
one had to leave the things one wanted. (An image in her mind of Marcian,
walking across the evening light in the yard, half-dressed, the muscles visible
along his taut, slim frame. The harsh planes of his face, and the softness
behind them. She hoped he would find someone to replace the woman who had left
him, and the girl.)
The farm had
receded out of sight, and the mountains seemed lower, smaller, less
significant, and she was walking at a steady pace, which would cover a good
part of the way to Marisol before tomorrow sunset. She felt confident, right,
on the way at last, to whatever her search might bring. She did not feel any
fatigue.
It was then
that she noticed that she was being followed by someone along the dim, pale
road behind her. Someone who did not bother to conceal himself, a large figure
with a lumpy, heavy, rolling motion to his walk. Colly, no doubt, out prowling
in the night. Nazarine stepped up the pace, thinking that he'd tire of it and
leave off. But when she looked back, he was still there, puffing and blowing,
but making an effort to catch up. She looked back toward the farm. It was gone
into the darkness under the mountains in the starlight. Colly was a long way
from his own area, and if he'd followed her this far, he'd follow her all the
way to Marisol.
She stopped,
and when he came puffing up, she looked about the empty fields and called out,
"Go home! Leave me alone!" Colly didn't even slow down, but he said,
between breaths, "No sparker, no Marcian. Just pretty woman."
"I
don't want to hurt you," she warned, calling up images in her mind from
Rael, from Damistofia, and she felt her limbs settle into a posture someone in
her knew well, deceptively relaxed in appearance. Colly stepped inside her
circle, and reached for her, and grasping his wrist, falling back, she threw
him across the road, and he landed tumbling, fetching up smartly against a
fencepost. Rubbing his head, he lumbered to his feet and came at her with arms
wide, to catch her if she tried to duck off either way. That was far from her
mind: instead, she stepped inside the wide-flung arms, and making a flattened
fist with her right hand, she drove a deep stroke into the man's solar plexus.
He stopped with a surprised, driven exhalation, but his mass pushed him
forward, as if stumbling. She chopped his ear with the other forearm and he
went down like a felled tree, grunting as he hit the hard dirt of the road. For
a second, he seemed stunned, but he bounded to his feet with terrifying speed
for his bulk, reaching instinctively sideways. His arm brushed her leg, and it
nearly threw her. Now she released the full sequence that she knew.
According to
the training Rael had been put through, the martial arts blows and throws she
now used without restraint were designed to maim and kill, but Colly, through
some innate lack of ability to feel pain, or some deep force within him, kept
coming, although he was accepting terrible injuries. She couldn't seem to hit
a spot that would stop him. This rapidly became a nightmare. Even after she had
broken both kneecaps, several ribs, he continued to come on, crawling when he
could no longer walk, and finally she had to kill him with a blow to the temple,
followed by pressure on the carotid arteries. He finally stopped moving, and
the night became quiet; Nazarine listened closely. There was no breathing. She
stood up, getting off the bulky body, lightheaded, dizzy, and walked a short
distance away. She looked back at the still bulk, lying in the road in the
starlight, and suddenly she turned and was violently sick in the ditch by the
side of the road, her stomach heaving and knotting.
After a
time, the cramps ceased, and she regained her senses, filled with disgust and a
sense of waste. And after a long time, she gathered up her things that had
fallen, and started off along the road again. There was no one there to see it,
but as she walked, for a long time tears dribbled out of the corners of her
eyes, streaking her face.
6
"Time: the infinite past, the
infinite future, and between them the infinitely small zero-dimensional
present, which moreover moves constantly, changing one into the other, a
veritable nothingness. But all of the future and all of the past is contained
within the present."
—H.C.,
Atropine
IT’S A commendable thing to require work of subordinates, but a fully
functioning spy net is one thing, and a remnant tattered by revolution and
restoration, and ripped to shreds by desperate actions, is another matter
entirely. In Tartary, Cesar Kham and Arunda Palude shortly found that their
line of command into Clisp was both precarious and tenuous. What reports they
did receive shed no more light on the subject, and Palude's early apparent
successes with the oracles apparently failed her, and the answers became
contradictory gibberish.
She had told
Kham, "In Tarot, you can often feel the flow in it, the internal
consistency. But the readings I am getting make no sense whatsoever!"
Kham and
Palude had been walking outside in the bitter Tartarean airs. He had shrugged,
and said, "Maybe you're not asking the right questions; that seems to have
a lot to do with it. Or the card you use to identify the problem. That book you
have puts a great deal of stress on choosing that symbol carefully."
"Perhaps. At any
rate, the flow is gone."
Kham asked,
half-jokingly, "Can one exhaust the oracle?"
"Supposedly
not. I have never heard of that. But . . ."
"What
have you been asking?"
"The
usual sort. Success of our venture, allegiance of subjects; that
sort of
thing."
"Ask
it if the Morphodite lives."
"I .. .
I don't really know what symbol I'd use. I tried that once, using The Devil
as significator, but I got gibberish."
"Try it
with another card. Now."
And so they returned to the tower,
and after some reflection, Palude shuffled the cards carefully, three times as
prescribed by rote, using #1, The Magus. The result was inconclusive.
Kham picked up the pack and looked through the strange, enigmatic emblems of
the deck. This one was so done to show ancient medieval scenes, most of which
were only barely comprehensible in themselves. He snorted in derision a couple
of times, and then pulled a card out of the deck, handing it to Palude.
"Use this one."
Palude took
the card. It was #14, Temperance, or An. The figure depicted upon its
face was that of an androgyne, hard at work in the laboratory of an alchemist.
Kham added, "Ask if it's alive; what it intends."
Palude
shuffled again, and then laid out an eleven-card reading. The cards read:
1.
Self/Definition: The High Priestess.
1
Opposes:
Page of Swords, reversed.
2
Ideal,
or best expected: Justice or Balance.
3
Foundation: Death.
4
Behind:
Knight of Wands.
6. Before:
Strength.
1
Self,
moving: The Magus.
2
Environment:
Nine of Wands.
3
Hope
or fears: Ace of Wands.
4
Summation
to come: The Hanged Man.
5
Explanation:
The Star.
Palude sat
and stared at the layout for a long time, and then began writing in a
commonplace notebook of crude paper, a local product. After a moment, she said,
"Seven of the cards are Trumps Major, an arrangement you seldom see. That
in itself is indicative of great forces moving. . . ."
Kham
observed, "I see you drew a Death card."
"It's
in the wrong place, and there's no card of violence associated with it. Note
that it moves from Death, not toward it. Hmm, and here, of the four
lesser cards, they are all Wands except one, a Sword. That one means espionage,
surveillance. The first card is fairly obvious, as is the third. No mystery
there. Behind it is Flight, Departure. Before it, Strength. It is a formidable
antagonist; And its hopes are for a starting point, a beginning. To come are
trials and sacrifice, because of. . . Truth. That's a strong ending."
"Sum it
up."
"It's
alive. It's a woman. It's not moving yet toward us. But it will. But this
doesn't suggest what it is going to actually do. There's no real suggestion of
violence, which I would expect to see. . . ."
"Do you
believe that?"
"It has
the internal consistency."
"Can we
get any more juice out of the agents there?"
"I
doubt it."
"Then
one of us is going to have to go to Clisp. You don't know the area. I do."
"I agree." "I hope this isn't a wild-goose chase?" "I
hope you can find what you're looking for. There are probably a lot of young
women in Clisp."
"Doubtless.
But this one won't have any roots. And . . ."
"Yes?"
"That
suggests it's still in Clisp."
"Yes.
So it does."
And so Cesar Kham took the long
journey back into Lisagor, across the ocean; Tilanque; across the broad valley
of Puropaigne, through Symbarupol, now only a back-country junction town for
the beamline, half wrecked by war, half abandoned, with only parts of it coming
back to life. A melancholy place, filled with the ghosts of the past, victories
and defeats. Then across the northern reaches of Crule The Swale, the
silvery-buff grass flowing in the wind, and dour, silent locals watching the
beamliner pass with intolerance in their rigid erect postures. Then the barren,
rocky mountains of the Serpentine, harrowing suspensions across dry gulches
that fell abruptly to the sea, never far away in this narrow land. And at last
into Clisp.
Marisol was
a city which managed to retain a decently cosmopolitan air without the
overwhelming presence of vice and depravity which usually went hand in glove
with such cities. Even in the old days, Marisol had always been substantially
freer than the other cities of the Changeless Land. Kham felt somewhat at sea
now, in Marisol. Except for the plain wood-and-stucco facades, it almost seemed
like a mainstream city, anywhere else in the universe. An overgrown college
town, perhaps, or some pleasant backwater. Something was gone. He grimaced with
the pungent irony of his reflection; that Marisol, which had never gone to the
full rigor of Changelessness, but had always tolerated more than other places
in Lisagor, now had suffered the least change from the revolution, while
Symbarupol, a pharaonic bastion of stability and eternity, had vanished as an
entity. The junction would remain; but in time, that city would be forgotten.
Marula had simply collapsed into itself and had been abandoned. It would come
back, but not as it had been.
He had
little difficulty unearthing his prime agents in Marisol. They were safely
burrowed into the woodwork like little mice. But after several days of
following blind leads, they were unable to unearth anything. If the Morphodite
lived, they had lost him. Or her. Or whatever the damned thing was. No trace.
It was both frustrating and thankless work, for the surviving members of the
net in Clisp remained certain that the person known as Phaedrus had vanished
without a trace, and no one had evidenced any further interest in it. The
terrorists responsible for the deed had vanished back into the wilder country
eastward; the prevailing rumors seemed to place them somewhere in Crule. At
any rate, out of reach. None had remained behind.
Reluctantly,
Kham disengaged himself from the net and began his journey back. If Phaedrus
had survived and now walked this earth as a woman, she had left no traces, and
possibly had not even come to Marisol. Doubts gnawed at him like termites in a
rotten log, but there was nothing he could grasp. Silence.
The trip
back across Lisagor was distressingly the same as the way he had come. Few got
on, or off, the beamliner, which was allowed to pass the frontier between
Clispish lands and Crule without any more than glares from the border guards,
while other traffic was held up for hours, sometimes days. In fact, the only
notable point on the whole journey back occurred in Symbarupol, where an
attractive young woman boarded the beamliner coach he was riding in. Unlike the
locals, who now invariably wore clothing that was simultaneously old, dark, and
rather in ill repair, this woman (or girl; Kham could not make a precise
definition—she looked young, but she carried herself with the confidence of
someone much more adult) was tall and graceful, long-legged, with a ripe
figure. She had a rather round face, accented by brown hair which seemed to
fall naturally into soft, loose curls, and wore clothing that seemed almost
modern: loose, flowing pants, soft but serviceable shoes of plain design, a
tunic of the same gray color as the pants, and a darker cloak.
Packing her
small luggage away, she turned once, catching his attention out of the corner
of her eye, and directed toward him one of those enigmatic glances women always
directed toward strangers: as if asking, "Well, what is it you want?"
She turned her back and settled in the wooden seat, but not before something
flickered in her eyes, in an instant, something Kham could not identify, but
which chilled any ardor her appearance might have incited. He looked away as
well, out the window across the sad ruins of Symbarupol, softening in the long
twilight of early winter. He shook his head. Not that one, this time. But
curious, all the same. What was she, with that much poise, dressed that well,
in this ruinous city? He gave it up, thinking that he would not be able to
derive that answer any better than he had been able to find the Morphodite. As
night drew on after the slow passage of time on Oerlikon, the coach dimmed, and
the lighting system, never completely trustworthy, refused to work at all. The
coach grew dark. Kham nodded, settled into a better position, and slept,
knowing he would reach the shores of the ocean tomorrow morning.
When the
coach lurched, passing under an uneven switch point, Kham awoke, stiff from
sleeping sitting up on a wooden bench seat all night. It was daylight, and his
land journey was almost over. He was now moving into Thurso's Landing, the
small port that served the scant commerce that still trickled across from
Tartary. He stood up to stretch. And noticed that the attractive girl was gone.
Gone? Not in the coach. Where had she gotten off? And for what? There was
essentially nothing between Symbarupol and the coast except farms. If she had
been an enigma boarding the beamliner in Symbarupol, getting off in the middle
of nowhere was even more mystifying. He moved to the place where she had sat.
No luggage, no trace. She had vanished into the night. But this occupied his
attention only for a moment, and presently, engaged in getting off the
beamliner, and making his way to the shipping offices where he spent the day
booking passage for Tartary, he soon forgot about the tall, slender girl he
had seen on the beamliner. It was no matter. Kham had seen a lot of pretty
girls pass, and they had vanished as easily as they had appeared. The only troubling
thing was that as he aged, there seemed to be more of them as time went on.
Nazarine had reached Marisol without
further incident, and now using the cartouche of Pompeo, secured lodgings
temporarily in a small pension located rather far from the center of the city
on the banks of the Grand Canal. Here she rested, made short forays into town
for new clothing, a few pieces of modern, durable things for travel, and during
the late hours of night began slowly casting her oracular net.
The problem
with oracles is that the questions have to be maddeningly specific. The looser
the questions, the looser the answer. If one asked any oracle if one was in
danger, the answer would certainly be affirmative, for danger was an inherent
condition of life, but some events had a higher probability than others; and in
the loose casting, the calculation, as she preferred to call it, there was no
discrimination. So she had to take one piece at the time, and unravel that one
strand.
She quickly
disposed of the question of Marcian. Totally uninvolved with any plot, by
intent or accident, the only thing she could pick up about him was that he had
been falling in love with her, and she already knew that. As a fact, she had
begun to find the idea interesting herself. She had liked his grim reserve, his
taut slimness, the intense, focused personality, the lean, hard body. And
curiously, also the fact that he had obviously been emotionally injured
sometime in the past. This was as visceral as the sexual urgings she had begun
to feel, probably something from Jedily. It didn't make sense. She wanted to
say to herself that a woman wouldn't normally want a man who had been badly
hurt emotionally, but nevertheless there was something appealing about the
idea of. .. what? Nurturing him? Healing an otherwise attractive man, guiding
him . . . ? Perhaps. She wondered about that. She remembered Damistofia well
enough, especially the memories of Cliofino, which she enjoyed. Cliofino had
been a rat, but as a lover he gave a lot more than he knew himself. What a
dilemma! The men who were good lovers invariably either had severe character
defects or obstacles to coming to one, or else they were good fellows and dull
lovers. Women liked fireworks, too! Damn! She thought, suddenly,
shaking all over. These intrusions of Jedily's were like possession's, a deja
vu experience, where it was not remembering, but feeling your whole mind slip into
a well-worn groove. Whatever Jedily had been, she apparently had led an active
life, with plenty of men. Yes. She had thought the thing herself . . . but the
pattern had been Jedily's. Patterns but no memory. And with Damistofia, she had
memory, but no patterns.
She also
used the calculation to carefully sift Marisol and Clisp for any indication of
plot or organized efforts to find her. Curiously, there was none, but in all
the scans she ran, there was the hint of something . . . but not here. Something
malevolent, full of evil will . . . but very far off. Now ineffective, unable
to see her. Good. She had time. The prince, Amadeo, she also found to be
uninvolved. But he was weak, undisciplined, subject to considerable pressure
through the number of women he entertained himself with. Them. Sooner or
later they'd find him out. Probably already knew. And they'd . . . what? She
erased the Map, and cast another. Aha, she thought as the
counters fell into place on the paper, aligning into a pattern. Yes . . . they
would not use him. That day had passed, but they could derive intelligence
through him, without his awareness of it. They would know what he knew.
Therefore he must not know. This was indeed useful information. She had room to
breathe and plan, now, but not much. And it was clear that the answers she
sought were not to be found in Marisol, or in all of Clisp. Clisp, for all its
contemporary resurgence as a nation-state, was an incident on the periphery of
the larger problem . . . which had started in Symbarupol.
As she
turned her thoughts to Symbarupol, she felt a flash of momentary horror,
something unimaginable, pass through her. More. Disgust, loathing, incredible
horror. But not the emotion itself, or the memories that would cause such an
emotion, but simply the pattern of reactions left behind by them. She,
Nazarine, followed them out without understanding why. The moment passed. She
shivered, shook her head, and got up from the small table and went to the
window over the canal, opening it wide, breathing deeply of the midnight air
alongside the canal. She inhaled the clean air, the canal scents. When she had
put her thoughts directly on Symbarupol, thought of it, directed her attention
to it, that was when it had occurred, probably because she had sensitized
herself to Jedily's old reactions earlier by the thought-pattern about men. And
Symbarupol keyed something unspeakable in the pattern Jedily had left behind.
Not something . . . that happened to her. It didn't have that flavor, but happening
to someone else.
Nazarine
felt faint from the strength of that pattern, and that was just a fragment.
Horror, disgust, outrage, they were all there. But not done to Jedily. Nazarine
knew well enough what had been done to Jedily, and no one remembered that. Of
that—whatever they had done to induce her to Change into Rael, there was
absolutely no trace. She didn't need the aid of the calculation to help her see
that Jedily had once known something. In Symbarupol. But what?
She sighed.
There was no avoiding it. She now realized that that pattern had been so strong
she had actually avoided thinking about Symbarupol, and had been avoiding the
inevitable trip she would have to make there. And she would have to go. To do a
reading, she would have to have an idea of where to start, how to aim the
question, and at present she had none. She breathed deeply. But it would start
there.
She closed
the window, leaving it open at the bottom, and sat on the edge of the bed,
starting to undress for bed. She was down to her underpants when it occurred
to her to ask one more question of her system: Was there need for haste?
Still half-naked, she went to the table and ran one more scan, asking the
deceptively simple question, making sure to include the extra computation at
the end, the line item that gave the reason why.
The answer
was a clear "yes," the clearest affirmative she had ever seen. But
the reason line read "mu." No answer. No reason. It was the
blank line. Data insufficient. Fill in whatever you wanted. It was the first
time she could remember the oracle failing her, or anyone she had been. She
turned out the light and lay down, weary. The beamliner leaves in the
morning. She did not sleep particularly well, waking often. But she made it
to the station on time, and left Clisp behind, with an odd sadness she did not
entirely understand. But she felt a distinct premonition, a certainty, that
she would never see Clisp again.
The entire journey back to
Symbarupol had been a horror for her and she endured it as best she could,
relishing each moment of the journey falling away in time. The journey back:
that was one thing she would never have to do again.
Once there,
she found a place to stay, one of the few surviving hostels left over and
functioning from the old days, and then went straight to work. She found there
was a little trouble in using the cartouche, but not much—rather less than she
had expected. It seemed that whatever doctrinal differences existed between
Clisp and Crule, which Symbarupol was nominally a part of, these mutual
detestations did not extend to money. Pompeo's cartouche was good, and it was
honored, if grudgingly. No one seemed to be put off that she would be poking
about the ruins, either. This was adequate commentary on the fall of Symbarupol.
The action had shifted somewhere else.
Much was
ruinous in the city, evidence of revolution and turmoil. The Mask Factory
complex, somewhat on the edges of the city, showed some damage; someone had
tried to burn it, and there was considerable evidence of vandalism, but in the
main, it had remained mostly whole, if deserted.
Posing as a
researcher, Nazarine had gotten permission to investigate The Mask Factory,
although she had been required to sign a series of hair-raising oaths and
testimonials certifying that she would make no claim in case of injury,
maiming, fright, impotence, or disease, any of the above being related to her
voluntary entry into a prohibited ruin.
Coming up
the walk to the building, she felt a curious emotional state, of at least three
components: the excitement of anticipation of what she might find here; the
curious abstract emotions of Rael, which did not correspond with any normal
human emotion directly; and the pattern from Jedily. No doubt about it. Jedily
had been deeply involved with this place, in more than one way, none of those
ways positive. She looked up at the soft-cube shape, which had been preferred
in mainland Lisagor for government buildings, now with cannon-fire pock-marks
spotted randomly on it, and the main doors blown open and not repaired or even
boarded, and recalled wryly that even with Rael's memories, she had no idea of
where to begin. There was a patch of rubble off to one side. She assumed that
it was what was left of the Residence. Total destruction, there. Besides, it
was unlikely they would have kept records there. That was what she was looking
for. Records. The Changeless State had believed in voluminous records of the
most trivial events, and recorded everything, believing that somehow, as
in faith in magic, that the simple act of perpetuation would keep Change away.
Perhaps it had helped.
There was a
guard just inside the door, but he was bored and disinterested, and made no
comment at her pass. She asked, "Where did they keep the records?"
The guard
glanced along the lines of her body, once, and then decided she was unreachable
for any number of reasons, and said, "I don't know, except somewhere
toward the back of the building, so I'm told. Not much left back there. What
wasn't looted out during the troubles was hauled off by salvagers. They came
from nowhere, everywhere, wanting to buy everything left."
"What,
the furniture?"
"Everything.
The building's just a shell. Some idiot even hauled off all the old
paperwork." "What about the computers? They had some. . . ."
"First thing to go. Some of that was still operable. Down and dead, of
course. But they had that stuff in a
separate building, out back of this one."
Nazarine
stepped back toward the entrance a little, and made an uncertain motion.
"They had records and computers both?"
The guard
shook his head as if disbelieving. "They used the computers in the lab.
Computations only. The records section was all hand work. Most of the back part
was storage. They tried to burn it, but there was a lot left."
"You
ever hear who bought them?"
"A
Makhak trader living in Karshiyaka. It's his hobby. I've seen him myself since
they put me on this post. He finished clearing out the last of it not all that
long ago."
"Whatever
in the world would a Makhak want with old records?"
"You
got me short, miss. You know Makhaks, or what we hear of them; every one of
them has some odd thing they spend their lives on. This one wanted old records,
and he didn't much care what kind, as long as there were plenty of them. He was
pleased with what he got! He can spend the rest of his life on them."
"You
said you saw him. Did you speak with him?"
"Once;
asked him what he wanted all that junk for, and he rolled his eyes and
exclaimed, 'Statistics.' Then he left. Who knows?" "You don't recall
his name?" "No." "Well. . ." "There's almost
nothing left in there. Go look." "Thanks. I will." And working
her way through the piles of rubble
and some broken walls, she found the
place where the records had been kept, but it was as the guard had said. It had
been cleaned out. You could even see scars in the floor and walls where the
metal racks and cabinets had been torn out. A few scraps of paper left on the
floor. Nothing. She returned to the main entry and spoke with the guard.
"You were right. They even dug the screws out of the walls in there.
Nothing left."
"Didn't
think there would be, say, ah . . ."
Nazarine
made a polite, if cool parting, and set back out for the main city. There was
nothing in Symbarupol for her, at least nothing of note in The Mask Factory.
Some Makhak trader living in Karshiyaka took them for his hobby. There was
perhaps one other place she might look while she was here—the old registration
section. If their records were still intact, she could find out what Jedily had
been before she went in The Mask Factory. If the records still existed.
They had.
The same day, in the afternoon, Nazarine found the Hall of Records, and posing
as a long-lost relative trying to trace her Guardian after losing her during
the Troubles, soon gained access to the records. But not directly. These
records and files were still active, and it took a small army of clerks to keep
up with them, even in these dimished days. So the clerk she spoke with averred.
But after much muttering and pacing back and forth, the clerk returned from the
stacks and presented Nazarine a dossier with the name Jedily Tulilly written
plain along the file designation strip. The strip also had an extra notation
opposite the name: RESETTLED. (File Inactive.)
Nazarine
asked the clerk what this notation meant. And the clerk, a small, pale girl who
gave the impression of having been sold into slavery as a child and never
having known any happiness whatsoever, answered, in a peculiar, off-center
manner musing off into some neutral space, "Well, it's supposed to mean
that those personnel so designated were sent off somewhere else, but since
those days are gone, I would venture my own private opinion that this was how
they indicated invoices into the Medical Research Facility."
"In
short, she was so listed as a conscript to The Mask Factory."
"Yes."
"You
have been in Records a long time?"
"All my
life."
"You
saw a lot of this?"
"Some .
. . some more. A bit. I couldn't say 'a lot.' Maybe it was. I shipped no one
off. I kept records."
"You
have done well . . . you survived. But did you ever see any indication of how
such people were selected?" And here Nazarine felt the urge to embroider
things a little: "I mean, I lived here, but I never saw anyone carted off,
and no one I know saw this, either. How did they do it, never mind whether it
was right or wrong?"
The clerk
brightened a little. Here she could tell her story. "Oh, that's easy
enough! They picked up the loners, the self-destructive, the dissatisfied, you
know, the kind of people who . . . move around a lot, play with other people,
then leave them. People who had fallen to vices. Sick people with no friends.
People who had already disappeared! Nobody missed them!"
"That
doesn't sound like the Jedily Tullily I remember, or that I've heard friends
speak of."
The clerk
retrieved the dossier. "Let me see, perhaps there's a clue in here "
She opened the folder and began scanning through the entries, the forms, the
singular traces left behind of a woman's life in a community.
As she looked, Nazarine watched her
face begin to register some emotions: first, puzzlement, then a kind of shock,
and as she leafed further, finally a kind of anger.
The clerk
pursed her lips, and said, in an undertone, "There is a lot wrong with
this file, and as far as I'm concerned, whoever posted it last did it
badly!"
"How
so?"
"Well,
to begin with, they show here that she was a dischargee from a rehab center,
and was employed as a sanitary technician fourth class at the Bureau of Public
Roads. But there's no entry form, or when. Then there's a huge gap between her
early entries, which show educational level and so forth, and this last thing.
They show several associations and registered liaisons*, and there are several
children shown, three, spaced out at rather large intervals, but that's all of
the middle part of her life. There should be much more! I shouldn't say this,
but my guess is that somebody . . . changed this file. And did a poor job of
it." The clerk glanced back over another form, which was still in the
file. "Yes, this is odd, indeed. According to this profile, such a person
would expect to lead a life of stability and considerable progress, and the few
mid-life entries left bear that out, and yet, there she comes out of rehab and
winds up a scrubwoman. Then selected for The Mask Factory." The pale girl
had gotten so agitated over the condition of the file that she had forgotten
her official phraseology, and dropped into the argot of the street, the alley,
and the Dragon gamefield.
"Well,
that's curious. I left when I was young; I was not one of her natural
children." Here, the clerk nodded knowingly. "But I recall her as
being very stable, very . . . how should I say, forward-moving. She enjoyed
things greatly, you know." Here, Nazarine favored the pale girl with a
lewd wink, which the clerk acknowledged and understood, but also gave a look
which suggested a degree of prim disapproval. Nazarine added, "I saw
nothing which would have caused anyone to remand her to a rehab center."
The clerk nodded sagely.
"There is certainly nothing in here to indicate any reason. But there is
something else missing." "What's that?"
"Her
employment. I look here and there's no way you could tell where she worked, or
what she did. I know she wasn't a scrubwoman."
"How do
you know this?"
"The
children's indicators. Jedily paid for the maternity services. All three times.
Not her lover, and she didn't use the public facilities. No, no. She took the
best, and paid for it out of her own pocket! Whatever she was, she was
well-set."
Nazarine
said, to hide her emotions more than anything else, "Well we never wanted
for anything we really needed, I recall that."
"Right!
Then you know what she did for a living?"
"Of
course . . . but it doesn't matter now. And I'd imagine you
couldn't correct your
file without something more than recollection. Documentation." The clerk
shook her head, but with sympathy. "I am glad you under
stand. So few do. It is a thankless
job."
"Just
so. So, then, there's no more to be had in this. . . ."
"I'm
afraid not."
"Well,
then, I will be on my way." Nazarine turned away from the counter, and
then turned back. The pale girl clerk was already headed into the stacks.
Nazarine asked, "Would The Mask Factory have had any control over people
going into rehab?"
The clerk
turned and said, quite without thinking, "Generally not, as I recall,
although they always had a representative in here who scanned the rehab
rosters."
"Really?
Do you recall if it was anyone you knew?"
The girl
blurted out, "Who could forget that repulsive little slug, always
creeping around the stacks, grabbing a feel here, a feel there, always
groping. That flunky over at The Mask Factory, the errand-boy. Avaria was his
name. Elegro Avaria. I can say that because he vanished in the Troubles and
hasn't been seen in these parts since."
Nazarine
made a motion with her hand, indicating that she wished the clerk farewell, and
turned away to go, but her real reason in turning away was to hide her face
from the girl, because when she heard Avaria's name, the alarm bells in her
head must have been nearly audible to passersby. Oh, yes, Nazarine as
Rael-memory recalled Avaria well enough. Well enough indeed. And there was
something worth finding out. She could hardly wait to get off in solitude,
where she could add this datum into the oracle. On the surface, it wasn't much.
But of necessity, the entering edge of the wedge is narrow and sharp. But it
can widen enough to crack open the thing it's applied against.
7
"At the
impassable and irreducible core of every meaningful and deeply real thing there
lies irrationality pure and undisguised: Transcendental Numbers, irreducible
fractions, even,—gasp!— imaginary numbers. And that is how you tell the Real
from the unreal. And those things that can be reduced to rational, fixed ends?
Trash, illusion, nonsense, Maya, ghosts, the demonic. They only have power over
us to the extent that we waste time worrying about them."
—H.C.,
Atropine
NAZARINE RETURNED TO her tiny
rooms at the Symbarupol Traveller's hostel and stretched her long body out on
the simple cot that served as a bed, watching the mellow, diffused light of the
afternoon sun evolve across the wall on which it slanted. Evolve, not move.
Sunlights and shadows alike moved too slowly to perceive on Oerlikon, but move
they did, whether one watched them or not. Now she reviewed the facts and
suggestions she possessed, reaching for the right question.
She now
knew, with reasonable validity, that Jedily had been selected for The Mask
Factory, by no less a person than Elegro Avaria. Pternam didn't pick his
victims. They were brought to him. Also that Jedily had once, most of her life,
been somebody of some success. The records had been badly stripped. Whoever did
it hadn't cared if his work was noticed. Only that her former life vanish from
records. Why? At the first approximation, for the simple reason that the record
of her life would not justify "rehabilitation." Also that she wasn't
well-known. A success, but quiet about it. But why rehab a quiet success?
Jedily didn't fit the pattern. There was definitely something here that didn't
fit. In one sense, the question went nowhere. But these unknowings were the
life blood to the original Rael, and Nazarine had not forgotten how to work
with these "unknowns." One solved equations for them!
She sat up
for a moment, watching the sky beyond the window, and then went to the crude
little table under the window. There was a blank pad of paper there, which she
had left. Now she bent over it and began laying out the lines of Rael's oracle,
concentrating on the question of what had Jedily been. One by one the outlines
began filling in, an indecipherable hieroglyph to the uninitiated, barely
comprehensible even to her until the very last step. But at last she had it:
Jedily Tulilly was a spy.
Nazarine
pushed the chair back and leaned back even farther. A spy. Then she had been
caught. But that made no more sense than before. A spy for whom ? Doing
what? Nazarine knew that because of the majestic indifference of the
Makhaks, and the monolithic Lisak society, there were in fact few real spies
and those that were, were in a local resistance. Or were . . . offworlders, of
which the Lisaks knew nothing. What had the Answer said? A spy. If she had been
of the Lisak Underground, there would have been no rehab, but outright
execution, summary justice on the spot. And if for the offworlders, there
would have been more hue and cry. She went through rehab. They knew everything.
And yet they did nothing, and in fact she knew very well as Rael that they
didn't know about the offworlders. Dead end either way. Another unknown. Now
how to address it: in what direction should she approach this still-unknown?
She bent to the pad again, and began concentrating. A spy for whom? And who
caught her?
The sunlight
faded, became more golden, and moved imperceptibly diagonally across the wall a
bit before she had this answer: Jedily was an offworlder. She was caught by
the offworlders.
Nazarine ran
her slender fingers through the brown, loose curls of her hair, and pursed her
full mouth in perplexity. There, too, was ambiguity. She was an offworlder,
then, working for the offworld group which was actually maintaining an
artificial stability on Oerlikon, for their own purposes. Presumably Jedily had
also worked to those ends. Quietly, but in such a way as to lead a quiet and
prosperous life, with plenty of time for three children at wide intervals,
presumably with different lovers, that being the custom of Lisagor. She reached
for the memory knowing it wouldn't be there, but she felt a framework it had
left behind. A sense of completion, satisfaction. There had been no bitterness
in it.
Very well.
Then I am an offworlder myself. I am not child of Jedily, but a replication of
her, in a different body, derived from the potentials latent in the orginal
Jedily DNA. For a moment, the knowledge made her a bit lightheaded, dizzy.
But caught by the same group she belonged to .. . ? How so? Would she have gone
too far native and turned against her masters? Nazarine did not think so. That
didn't feel right. The offworlders were the most conservative group on the
planet, and if one had turned on them, surely such an event would have left
traces. No. There were no ripples of that anywhere. But somehow she opposed
them, and they "caught her." Nazarine did not wish to ask another
scan. She felt the presence of too many unknowns. She needed to try to find
those records from The Mask Factory, and she'd have to catch the beam-liner
late tonight, to start for Karshiyaka. She removed the used pages from the pad
and shredded them into tiny pieces in the wastebag. Satisfied that the room
looked secure, she glanced at the fading light, and nodded, leaving the room
for supper at one of the few remaining operable communal dining halls.
After supper, alone in the midst of
multitudes, absorbed in her own thoughts, she returned to the hostel and
retrieved her few belongings, and checked out, walking slowly through the
deserted streets, still guarded by the improbable monolithic government
buildings, now untenanted save for a handful of squatters.
Using the
cartouche, she went to the beamliner station and purchased a ticket for the
end of the line, Thurso's Landing, and when the liner came in, swaying on its
suspended track of I-beams, she boarded it, without looking back. But she was
still wrestling with the unanswered questions and an incomplete oracle. There
was something here that escaped her powers. And that could only happen in such
a case that the answer could be derived by the ordinary progress of everyday
reasoning. But it was maddening: she couldn't find where the discrepancy was.
She was still worrying herself like a dog with a bone when she found an empty
seat, and in arranging her bag, she looked up, sensing that she was the object
of someone's attentions. A few seats back was a bald man of no determinable
age, watching her with interest, and perhaps appreciation. She returned the
look, with a slight internal grimace: No. Not that one. But as she
started to sit, some subliminal alarm system planted long ago by Rael went off.
She didn't dare look back to find out what it was, but something he'd done
wasn't right, wasn't Lisak. A thrill slid upward from the small of her back,
and lodged high up between her shoulder blades. Offworlder! On the liner, from
parts west, perhaps Clisp. Looking for a trace of Phaedrus? She shivered.
I'm getting paranoid. A second inner voice suggested, Maybe not paranoid
enough? The voice of reason answered, Maybe not looking, but he can at
least find one who does. So she
sat very still for a long
time, until she felt it worth risking a glance back to where the bald man sat,
and to her immense relief, he was asleep, his mouth slightly open. With almost
no movement, save a series of graceful flows from one position to another, she
carefully gathered her bag up, and slid out of the seat, and then out of the
coach. At the next stop, she got off, and it wasn't until she caught a fleeting
glimpse of the bald man passing in the departing coach that she felt some
measure of reassurance. The pressure had been intense. And suddenly letting
down, the answer she had been looking for crystallized and emerged fully developed,
complete. Of course! It couldn't be any other way! Jedily hadn't been sent
to a Lisak rehab at all: her own people, the offworlders, did their own version
first. They didn't care what rehab got out of her then—she'd already been
cleaned out like a gourd. She knew or did something, and they— she
hesitated at the word—erased her, and dumped her back into the process by
which The Mask Factory obtained its recruits. And now she had a real
problem for the oracle: what was Avaria's connection? How could they be so sure
she would vanish into that hole? But as Nazarine walked tiredly through the
unpaved streets of a very minor little town, looking for a place to stay, she
thought that she would hold those questions until she had tried to find the
missing Mask Factory records. She needed one more piece of Jedily, if possible,
before asking again. And of course it was also true that you couldn't
push it too hard, and depend on the answers.
So for now she would let it be.
She never
found a place open, but returned to the station, where she made do on one of
the wooden benches. And in the morning, red-eyed and stiff, she wandered all
over the town until she finally located a dray-wagon headed north for
Karshiyaka, the end of the world, whose driver reluctantly agreed to take her aboard
as a passenger. She rode in the back of the wagon with the load, apparently
large burlap bags full of legumes, and watched the rolling, empty lands pass
under the indigo skies of the north.
Karshiyaka was the place where the northern tier of hills across
Lisagor turned to the northeast, diminished to a series of hogback hills and
low rises, and vanished into the gray-green waters of the Cold Ocean. There
were no trees; the land was covered by a low, brushy plant which gave off a
bitter, aromatic odor. The climate was damp and misty, and the houses and towns
were half-sunken into the rocky ground. The monotony of the landscape was
broken only occasionally by squat, low towers with conical roofs, apparently
the residences of hermits, for to Nazarine's eye they seemed to have little
relationship to any activity near to them or far away. Going by what little she
could see, it was cold, and she had burrowed deep into the harsh bags for
warmth. This was the northeast, far from the sunny, light-swept distances of
Clisp, plain and mountains, or from Marula, far away in the south. And the
season, however mild, was indeed winter. She burrowed deeper into the lumpy
bags and tried to ignore hunger and cold some more.
After the
passage of several days, which had stretched into a uniform dull blur, the
power-wagon and its trailer rolled onto hard, stony streets, closed in tightly
by the lowering, half-submerged houses and shops. The streets curved and
intersected with a sense of willful perversity, all eventually winding down
slippery cobblestones to the harbor, which surprisingly looked full and busy.
The wind off the water had a bite to it, and the few people she saw about went
about their business without wasted motions or socializing. The wagon reached a
section of warehouses along the docks, and Nazarine got off there, and went
looking for an inn or hostel. She did not know what she would find here, in
this land's-end corner of Lisagor: already it had a foreign air to it.
The town was
called, unimaginatively, Karshiyaka. But whatever went on here apparently
called for a lot of transients, for there were a lot of inns and taverns, not
to mention the traditional Lisak hostels. Nazarine, feeling more secure now in
this impossible corner of the country, and feeling acutely both hunger and
fatigue, decided on one of the better inns, which included a warm tavern, and
to her relief they accepted the credit of the cartouche that Pompeo had given
Phaedrus without question. In fact, they accepted it willingly. She selected a
large room with heavy half-timber walls, small round windows, and which had a
plain but well-furnished bath attached. And the water was hot. She glanced at
the blue, overcast twilight, through the windows, and ordered supper sent up
to her. After supper, a bowl of herbal sea stew, accompanied by a hard-crust
bread and hot beer, she filled the old iron tub full of water, and after
bolting the doors, removed her clothes and settled gently into the steaming
water, where she scrubbed madly, and then lay back to soak. She woke up a bit
later, feeling guilty, surrounded by now-cool water. The room was cool, too,
but she found enough blankets to pile on the bed, and lay down wearily and
slept deeply, untroubled by dreams or problems that she could remember.
She slept through the day and the
next night as well, waking only enough to roll over. But by the next morning
she finally woke, and set about the things she had come to Karshiyaka to do.
First came some heavier clothing, and then she went about the town making
discreet inquiries about an eccentric Makhak supposed to have settled in the
area. Eventually she derived directions to one of the towers on the southern
side of the projecting finger of land, and set out for it, walking.
It was a bit
farther than she had thought, and she could feel the cold through the heavy
clothing by the time she approached it, but there was no mistaking it. The
Makhak immigrant lived in an eccentric stone casde built out on the end of a
low headland, an irregular structure of no particular shape, with three towers
of different heights, none especially tall.
The building
was enigmatic and blank-faced; Nazarine walked around it three times before she
found what appeared to be an entrance, and the day, already well-gone toward
evening, was nearer night before someone within finally opened the door for
her. This was, apparently, a servant or bondsman. Or bondswoman; she could not
tell. The person was tall and gaunt and curiously indeterminate of gender. It
met her without a single word at the door, and conveyed her through a series
of empty stone corridors to a large, drafty room, where another tall and
cadaverous person, not a great deal different from the servant, sat before a
peat fire and brooded. The servant left.
Presently
the one by the fire turned and stood up. This one, at least, seemed to be male,
and well-advanced in years as well. He was thin and sticklike in build, moving
with an odd reserve which suggested fragility—but great strength as well. He
spoke first, in a low, muttering tone, almost a whisper. He held his hands
stuffed into voluminous sleeves.
"I am
Yakhin Pakhad."
She said,
"Nazarine Alea."
"Lisak?"
"Yes
and no."
"Ah,
the followers of the old ways; always ambiguity, duality."
Nazarine
smiled a tremulous little half-smile to herself. "Indeed, sir, duality . .
. and the half has not yet been told."
Pakhad
nodded, recognizing something of a private humor he had keyed in her. He said,
after a moment, "We are private people, you know, we Makhaks. And you
being young and graceful and with an entire continent of stalwarts at your
back, I must conjecture, I must assume . . ."
Nazarine
knew of the Makhak distase for superfluous conversation. She interrupted,
"I have heard of the Makhak ways, of how each of you follows an
'excellence.'"
"Just
so; we are great scholars."
"It was
described to me how a certain scholar of Tartary resided in this neighborhood,
one whose excellence was the study of statistics." "I am such a
person." "I am in the service of Clisp. . . ." "We do not
require reasons." "You obtained the records of the old Mask Factory,
of Symbarupol? This was reported to me there."
He made a
slight nod of agreement, leaving his face turned down.
"I am
no statistician. But in those records there may be mention of a person I am
trying to trace. Therefore I ask your assistance." She hoped it was short
enough. One never knew with Makhaks exactly where the line was between
essential speech and rudeness.
"Curious."
"Why
so?"
"I
would have imagined them valuable—the records. But they sold cheaply, and no
one has come asking anything. A poor investment, but a treasure-trove for me. I
will never finish unraveling them. And of course it will be difficult to find
one person in all that. Is there haste?"
"I
don't know. If I must say yes or no, I will say yes, but it is no emergency .
. . yet."
Pakhad made
a subtle signal with a hand, which he removed from its sleeve, to which
responded the servant. Pakhad made a few more signs, and then made an easy waving
motion to Nazarine. "All is arranged. Food and rest. Sleep well, rise
early. Tomorrow we will see. Do you require entertainment tonight?"
"Entertainment?"
"Young
men? Girls?"
Nazarine smiled openly, at last able
to give something back. "Neither. I have an excellence of my own to
pursue. Food and rest will suffice." "Curious, curious. Have you
considered emigration to the Free Land?"
"No,
but I think I will wind up there, whether I would or not."
Pakhad
raised his bushy eyebrows at that, but turned away to his peat fire and private
thoughts, signifying that for the moment, conversation was over. Presently the
servant reappeared with a bowl of some crushed fruit and a loaf of crusty
bread, and a flagon of cold water, which had something of the flavor of the
outside to it. Nazarine suspected it was rainwater. She accepted it without
comment, and ate stolidly, not entirely certain when her next meal might be.
And after that, the servant appeared again, and in total silence led her
through the odd and disjointed corridors of the old castle to one of the
towers, so she surmised from the stairs she ascended, and to a cold room with a
rude cot, which thankfully was furnished with a number of coarse homespun
blankets. In the darkness, she climbed into the cot, piled blankets around
herself, and listened for any sounds she might hear. She only heard a distant,
soft murmuring, of an easy surf on a narrow sandy beach.
Pakhad was as good as his word, and
sent the servant for her at dawn, or something near to it. She could see little
difference from night itself. Breakfast was half a loaf and more rainwater. And
then another passage through the dusty, random corridors, apparently to another
one of the towers, where she was conducted to a large room filled from floor to
ceiling with stacks of paper. Pakhad waited for her.
"And
now we begin."
She looked
at the untidy stacks of paper, seemingly in no order whatsoever, and for a
moment almost gave in to total despair. This bookworm couldn't find his own
name in that mess! She drew a deep, slow breath of the cold air, and let it
out in a long, uninterrupted sigh. "I am looking for one each Jedily
Tulilly."
Pakhad
looked about thoughtfully and asked, "Give me some categories, some
references. A woman, yes? That alone will not help us."
"I know
very little of exact facts; what I have is approximate, relative. Age elderly,
past maturity. I know she was in The Mask Factory, but I do not know how long,
or when she went in."
"Did
she come out?"
"No.
She ended there."
"More?"
"Before
she went in, she was apparently well off, but I don't know the occupation, or
residence. Presumably Symbarupol, although there I am guessing."
"But
definitely in The Mask Factory?"
"Yes.
Immediately before that, she was a rehabilitee, working in the Bureau of Public
Roads. I think she was in The Mask Factory for a long time. What they did to
her there couldn't have been done fast." Nazarine suddenly felt a hot
flash of embarrassment, at herself. For all her powers and all she knew, what
she had on Jedily was still almost nothing.
Pakhad
glanced about the random stacks of paper, scratched his chin, paced back and
forth, adjusted the lamps, and muttered to himself, inaudibly. Finally he
selected a stack of papers, and went through it, searching. Then he put the
stack back in its place. He said, "I haven't yet succeeded in setting up
the kind of order I want, so one has to try things out. There is no index. I
was not, of course, interested in individual cases, so I have little on that.
Only as one of a category will we find anything."
"Can I
help?"
He shook his
head. And went on searching. Pakhad tried another stack, with the same results.
And another. Presently, he came to a stack which he first started going through
rapidly, and then slowed down. Leafing through, he finally stopped on a single
bound sheaf, which he extracted, and handed to Nazarine. "This is it. Do
you want it, or will you study it here?"
"Here
will do. I travel light. There may be something there, maybe not. But what I need
from there .. . I don't need a copy."
"I have
work here. Use the main room."
Nazarine
took the papers and threaded her way through the structure, back to the
sitting room, where she settled in a chair before the smoldering fire and began
to read through the forgotten documents. Hesitantly at first, but with growing
absorption. The nameless servant brought her some herb tea in an earthenware
pot, with a matching cup, but it cooled before she thought to drink it.
Nazarine walked slowly back up the
coast road, if one could call it that, back toward Karshiyaka Town, her head
full of unassimilated facts. Much of the file had dealt with the regimen of
treatments which Jedily had been put through, at which Nazarine alternated
between outrage and astonishment. Those things had been done to her herself.
True, she had no memory of them, or at best, mercifully obscured horrors which
even Rael had avoided and forgot as much as he could. But what was the most
amazing thing of all was that the procedure they were using on Jedily was one
that had been used many times before, an exercise that took place in territory
which was very familiar to the people performing the ... exercises. They had
had plenty of failures, but they were working within the bounds of a known system.
Something that had
collected its own idioms and
cross-references. They had been trying for the Morphodite for a long time.
They had
expected more of Jedily than the usual subject that fell into their nets. There
were notes jotted down along the margins of some of the sheets, to indicate
that someone knew she was less than their usual prey. More than one marginal
note made reference to "twice-rehab." So they had not been grabbing
at random. Perhaps at first. Not with Jedily. They knew what they were getting.
That could only mean that there was someone within The Mask Factory who had
contact with the offworlders—the group covered by the Oerlikon Mission.
As for
Pternam, who had seemingly set the process in motion, he was revealed to be a
relative latecomer, only brought into things late in the game, when they began
to think that they would succeed. There was their error, she thought wryly.
Pternam had been ever more unprincipled than they had been, and quickly took
over the whole project to his own ends. And that raised its own question, which
she dared not ask, knowing that there are evils in the world and time that one
would rather not know: what would they have done with Rael without Pternam?
They had been reaching for the deadliest weapon in the universe, and surely
somewhere someone knew what that weapon's target was to have been. It was
Pternam who had turned Rael loose upon Lisagor.
The file had
contained numerous reproductions of Jedily at various parts of her life.
Nazarine had looked at these with disbelief, and some amusement. An odd
sensation of vertigo. After all, this was me! Jedily had been a rounded,
soft woman, with a ready smile and alert, flashing eyes, slightly taller than
average. There was no resemblance at all to the thin and saturnine Rael, who
resembled a half-civilized Makhak, or the petite Damistofia. Jedily had had a
slight double chin which, someone had noted, suggested a sensual disposition.
They were
thorough, and covered their tracks only superficially. There were two types of
visual reproductions easily distinguishable: One set covered Jedily's life in
Lisagor, which apparently commenced when she had been in her late twenties,
standard. There was another set covering her younger days. No mention was made
of where those came from, but they were equally obviously not Lisagor: spiky
stone buildings and odd vegetation with needlelike foliage in the backgrounds.
Within that group, there were a few of Jedily as a child. There the backgrounds
were innocuous, but there was something alien about them. Not Lisagor. Not
Oerlikon.
Jedily's
profession had been interesting, too. She had been a physician.
Although few women practiced
medicine on Oerlikon, apparently no one had questioned her, once she was
established. She had worked within one of the larger clinics in Symbarupol, and
specialized in the treatment of degenerative ailments of the aged. Her
certifications had been managed as a case of self-education and success as
passing the myriad tests of Lisak society. Once established, she promptly
buried herself in one of the enormous civil service hierarchies as a supervisor
of some obscure program. This was traced out with meticulous care. They seemed
to think it important, as if somehow these facts were justification for
something. There was one line which had been particularly interesting: it had
read:
"Last
assignment: Certification Section, Symbarupol. Oversees induction of
indigents and defectives into rehabilitation processes. Approves quotas set by
Medical Experimental Station."
Indeed it was! Jedily had been the
monitor of the input into The Mask Factory! The conclusion was unavoidable: she
had been promoted routinely into a routine position, but there was something
she saw in that for which ... the offworlders silenced her by erasing her and
dumping her into the very program she was monitoring.
Nazarine walked on, shivering in the
cold wind; perhaps more than from the wind blowing off the gray-green sea,
under the damp cloud cover. She felt emotions for which she had no name, but
which gnawed at her vitals, at the foundations of her precarious existence. She
had drained the cup of revenge upon Lisagor and The Mask Factory, but had not
yet tasted that which was of the killing of Meliosme and the children. And now
another draught was set, as it were, by an unseen hand, on the counter before
her: she wondered if there was any bottom to this evil at all, and she was
reminded of the Tale of the Chagrined Optimist, a folk tale widely circulated
throughout Lisagor: The Optimist said, as disaster befell him, "Cheer up!
Things could be worse!" And as he cheered up, so indeed things got worse.
And for the first time, she began to wonder if the way Phaedrus had chosen
hadn't been the right way, after all. Disengage. It was beginning to
seem as if there were wrongs whose scope visibly exceeded her formidable powers
as the Morphodite to right. But just when the gloom of hopelessness closed in
on her, she looked around herself at the bleak shores of Karshiyaka, and she
thought, Disengage, is it? Go back to the warmer parts of Lisagor and find
an obscure place for myself, with a bit of fun with men to liven up the
times . . . Yes, and no matter who I
found, no matter how much it would mean, there would never be an escape for me,
or those I might love, like Phaedrus. They killed Jedily, and they hunted
Phaedrus, and they'll come for me, too. And whatever powers Rael developed,
nursing his oum plots, none of us expressions of the immortal is a god. We've
got a blind side, and they'll waste enough agents to find it. No. And I've
painted myself into a corner with the identity changes. The next one's to be
early childhood. I could die of nothing more willfully evil than simple
overexposure after Change, lying in the open and feverish. No. This has got to
be seen to the end, and the definitive action carried out. Some of the
chill left her then and, rounding a headland, she saw ahead in the evening
gloom the lights of Karshiyaka Town, riding lights on the ships in the harbor.
8
"When the situation has become
impossible, incomprehensible, the meaning invisible, then we are wont to cry
out: 'Give us the Truth! We must have it, come what may!' But it is in these
very situations that the truth is in fact a horror that we could not bear to
see, something far more awful than we could have imagined in our darkest hours.
And then we do not change it, but it changes us. No, I think we don't want
Truth, whatever we say. Facts, maybe, and not so very many of them,
either."
—H.C.,
Atropine
IT WAS EVENING, in Tartary.
Cesar Kham imagined that he had been walking for hours, with that same rude
castle bulking on the horizon like some unlovely animal, that he had ceased to
move and that it was the castle drifting, enlarging, obscuring the western
sky, where a tattered yellow fragment, like burnt cloth, peeked under the
masses of gray and streaked clouds that covered the sky. Did they never see
blue sky in this land?
He shook his head, annoyed with
himself. First failure in Clisp, and then this, brought on by having to operate
out of this impossible location. Two failures, not one! Failure to accomplish
the mission with confirmed results, and failure to turn anything up, a trip
undertaken at great risk. And now he would have to spend more time in this
bleak country, arguing endlessly with Palude over what they could do next. He
came into the darkness of the castle, close, now, and thought, "Well,
absence of proof is not proof of absence. Perhaps that raid did the job,
anyway. Perhaps if it didn't actually get The Morphodite it scared it off .
Might well be skulking along the south coast of Clisp, hiding out in that
empty land. What the hell—a person neutralized by fear was the same as dead,
anyway."
When he came
to the door, it was opened by Arunda Palude, at which he expressed surprise,
stepping quickly over the threshold to keep the cold, windy, dry air out of the
chill castle.
"Waiting
up for me?"
She said,
pulling a cloak closer around her, "We knew you were coming; besides, out
here on the plain you can see someone coming for hours. There's not much else
worth doing, you know."
"I
know. You must be bored to death."
"T „ „ '»
1 am. They
made their way through the castle to their own quarters and sat down before the
fire. Kham said, "Well, vile as it is, I'm glad to be back."
Palude sat
before the fire, trying to wheedle a bit more warmth out of it, the light
casting harsh shadows along the planes and lines of her face. She looked drawn
and pinched. She said nothing for a long time, but then asked, "Find
anything?"
"Not a
trace. Nothing. Zero. I'm almost convinced that the job got done, or else it
scared it off."
"None
of the agents you contacted had anything?"
"Nothing.
No trace of it. I'm sure that fortune-telling must be wrong. After all, if you
asked for a reading on a dead man, you'd get a present answer, which is
nonsense."
"There's
a convention to these things: one doesn't predict death, and one doesn't ask
nonsense questions of the oracle to test it—of course, the answer would be
nonsense. But however that is .. . I imagine it was after you left Clisp, but
one of our agents in the palace managed to get a report out by radio. It was
relayed into the port, and a messenger carried it to me."
She had said
the last with some difficulty, not looking directly at Kham. Now she looked at
him. "It was the custom of the old days of Clisp to allow certain agents
of the House to carry a sort of medallion, something they had had from the old
days. There were very few of them, all under strict controls. Amadeo doesn't
believe in handing them out, and so has recalled them all, and so they reside
now in the State Museum. Except one."
Kham
shrugged. "Could have been lost. Agents get killed, or accidents happen,
otherwise." "Somebody is using one. It's like a credit card. The user
can buy anything he wants, and bill it to Clisp. They are honored all over
Oerlikon."
"Why
didn't we know about them?"
"The
danger has been so great their use had been rare. But they are good everywhere
on the planet and, so I am told, in more civilized places off it. And somebody
is using one now. The royal Bursar has
invoices from Marisol, and from
Symbarupol. Somebody has one of the originals, and is currently using it."
Kham looked across the room, small as it was, as if seeing a great distance.
"What sort of purchases?"
"Women's
clothing. Food, lodging, all temporary."
"Did
anybody get a description?"
"No.
The agent sent what he had. Fortunately the invoice for the clothing was highly
detailed, as would befit a billing to the Royal House of Clisp. Sizes were
included. The agent was able to derive some generalities therefrom: a rather
tall woman, slender in build, rather full-breasted. She also picked up some
cash, but small amounts at any one place. The second report was on a billing
from Symbarupol."
Something
began stirring in Kham's mind. A coincidence? He began sweating. "What
kind of clothing—nice stuff or workmen's coveralls?"
"Serviceable
stuff, but rather nice in cut. She didn't stint on the quality, or so he said.
It was also all stuff which could be adapted to different climates by using
less of it. Why?"
"How
long ago the report?"
"At
least a tenday. You were probably still in Lisagor."
"Fits."
"What
do you mean?"
"I
think I saw her. She boarded the beamliner at Symbarupol. Something caught my
eye. She looked out of place, taking the night train, and economy class, but
dressed well."
"You
saw her!"
"Yes.
Same as the description. Young and good-looking, tall, with curly brown hair. I
was going to keep an eye on her just in case, but I dozed off and she was gone.
Some intermediate stop in the eastern mountains. Of course, it could be just
coincidence, but I did see a woman that fits that description, who had no good
reason in these times of poverty to be traveling at night, dressed that
well."
"Did
she see you?"
"Looked
right at me, but turned away. She didn't look interested, if you know what I
mean."
"How
old? According to the information I have from back there, when that thing does
Change, it regresses in age."
"Definitely
not adolescent, but young adult. Twenty to twenty-five standard. I wasn't close
enough to see better."
The
expression on Palude's face softened somewhat. "Then it couldn't be the
one we're looking for. The one you saw is too old. We're looking for an
adolescent, and one nearer childhood. From the predictions I have, I don't see
how there could be any confusion. No matter how well built."
Kham leaned
back and rubbed his bald head thoughtfully. "Maybe. It was an odd
incident, though."
"Would
you recognize her again if you saw her?"
"Oh,
yes. No doubt. The one I saw isn't bland or plain. Very aristocratic,
good-looking, sure of herself . . . only one thing: she doesn't look like any
woman I ever saw in Lisagor."
"How do
you mean?"
"I
can't put it into words, exactly. I don't know if it was the appearance or the
mannerisms, but there was something very un-Lisak about the one I saw. More
like someone back where we are from. A more sophisticated society, a different
gene-pool. Not Clispish, either."
"Could
be nothing more alarming than one of ours."
"They
aren't bringing any more in to my knowledge, and all those from the old days
had full training in Lisak mannerisms—you, for example, fit perfectly."
"A
Makhak?"
"Doubtful.
This one looked too soft for that."
Palude sat
quietly for a long time, and then said, "All my past experience suggests
strongly that this one has a high probability of being the one we look for. But
it's too old. I can't figure that. The process of change is supposed to be
invariable in the rate of regression. If that one we found in Clisp was the
Morphodite, then his successor would have to be no older than about, say,
fourteen standard."
"No way
this one was fourteen. This was an adult."
"Blocked."
"Maybe
we are overreacting."
Palude
considered, and then said, "We can't take the chance, as I see it. The
last ship in sent a message to that effect. They want results. We can't stall
them much longer."
"Hellfire
and brimstone! We don't even have proof it's alive! And if worse comes to
worst, I'll bite the bullet, report failure, and have the planet quarantined.
We can stand it here if we can't do anything else."
"We
need to find that girl you saw."
"Difficult.
Trail's old by now. All I have is a description."
"Possible
use of a medallion. That would be sure."
"If she's the
one using it. We don't know that. Besides, I am not going back to Lisagor,
ransacking the countryside, on a lead that small."
Palude
nodded, and said, "I see. Very well, you are basically right. The tactics
are impossible. But if that movement we saw reported is that thing, it's coming
this way, and it will have to get here, in Tartary, to get offworld. And if a
young woman like you saw showed up in the port, with a medallion, and tried to
buy passage offworld . . . we'd know it."
"I can
circulate the description down there."
"Do so
immediately . . . have you eaten?"
"In the
port. Not since."
"Let it
wait. I'll have them bring food, and some hot water for a bath. Rest, relax. Go
tomorrow morning." She stopped, and looked at the fire again, an
unfathomable expression on her face.
Kham thought
he understood. He hadn't thought she'd be made of nothing but mission
dedication and logic. He said, "I'd imagine it was no fun here, either, waiting."
"Impossible. We . .
." "Never mind. Don't speak of it. I understand. I, too. Leave it at
what it is." Arunda looked up at Kham from the fire, and said, "I fit
in Lisagor, you said."
"So do
I. We all did."
"Just
so. And there are customs of that country."
"I know
them well. Most of my life. No one will judge it amiss if two Lisaks spend the
night together to console one another's loneliness. Certainly not two Lisaks,
rather more native than the originals." She nodded, and her face softened,
and her eyes took on more life in the firelight. "I'll send for the food
and the tub."
Kham thought that his appearance
always convinced the women he met that he would be violent, stormy,
tempestuous. For some, who seemed to expect this most, he allowed himself to
be. But with others, who would allow him to be himself he was softer, gentler,
more feminine. He let Arunda create the situation, let her manifest what was
deepest in her. They had both been without for a long time, they both had
needs. This was no deep striking of the thunderbolt, but a truce, a sharing, a
treaty. It was not really what they wanted, either of them, but it was good for
a while.
Now they lay
side by side in the cold dark, wrapped up in the rough homespun blankets of
Tartary, hearing the wind moan and fret outside, angry at finding this stony
obstruction in the midst of this empty land of boundless air and spaces.
She said
softly, "In the old days, I never saw much of you; when I did, you never
looked at me the way you did at others."
He:
"You were too important. Not Glist, or whoever had been before him. Just a
figurehead. You did the summations, the real work. No disrespect—to the
contrary."
"I
know. I always spent the nights with real Lisaks. None of the mission
people."
"That's
why they always thought you cold-blooded."
"There
were many of us who did it that way. It was dangerous for associates to have
affairs. Aril, who was always carrying on with our own people, she was the
first one pulled in when the trouble started, and her links with others .. . we
knew it would come that way. And you?"
"Much
the same. I was terrified of it, though. I always feared that I'd become
entangled with some Lisak girl . . . and I'd want to give her everything. Take
her offworld, the whole thing. Doubtless she'd have thought it worse than
leprosy: 'I gave you diamonds, you gave me disease.' Returning to a universe
of flux and change, inbred for generations to hate it."
She:
"They were less like that in Clisp, in Marula."
"True
about Clisp, although not as much as you might think. Remember that province
is the one that retained a royal family more or less covertly—the very epitome
of conservatism. As for Marula, that was only surface. They were deeply even
more extreme than the rest. You could never trust anyone in Marula, and one
never forgot it, either."
Arunda
sighed. "That wasn't such a bad world."
"True.
I miss it already. Things seem less clear, now. I don't like this business at
all. I've done my duty, very well, but it's not like before. The lightness is
gone out of it."
"I,
too. Well-said. The lightness is gone. But what can we do?"
"I
considered vanishing back into Lisagor. The Morphodite may be worth all that
trouble, but I'm not. I could disappear. So could you." "Is this a
proposal?" "No. An alternative. We can run." She: "Not very
far. And you only saw them at the end, when they had
already made up their minds. I saw
more of it. I could not avoid the idea that this problem with the Morphodite
was more important than the whole project . . . and had been for a long
time."
"Did
you try to extract data from these impressions? I recall in the old days you
were pretty good at that."
"No. I
did not want to ask. I did not want to know. I always had somebody to report
to, when I knew something, someone to hand over the dirty work to, and with
this, there was nowhere to turn—had I found it out. I turned away."
"No
escape there. Now we're back here, worrying."
"Yes.
And I feel that we'll find out, too, in the end."
He:
"Perhaps."
"Did
you know anything about how they made the creature?"
"No.
Nothing. I knew that some funny things went on in The Mask Factory, but not
making anything like that." "I have the same lack of knowledge, and
that bothers me." "Why?" "Because we penetrated every facet
of life within Lisagor. In effect,
we really were Lisagor. It couldn't
have lasted without us. You know that. But I never picked up anything about
them trying to make a mutable human in The Mask Factory. Nothing. And don't
you think that's odd? I mean, they couldn't just jump up and do it, could they?
There would have to be some preparatory time, research, experiments, trials,
failures. There is no reasonable path from point A to B. This implies...."
Arunda left it dangling. She did not wish to say it.
Cesar said
it for her. "That was closed to us."
"How?
We penetrated everywhere else!"
Kham:
"Our own people!"
"It's
the only conclusion. But I don't understand why."
"Right
now I don't even want to think about that."
"Exactly.
All the possible implications are ill."
He: "If
we follow that out, as they may well imagine that we may do, then our lives are
worthless. If they would send us here, back, to kill the Morphodite, then if we
returned we'd be walking into a trap."
She:
"Possible. I'll run a computation on it tomorrow. Not tonight."
"What
do we do about it?"
"Report
it dead, depart, run away from Heliarcos."
Kham was
shocked at the candor, and more at the boundless mistake that would be:
"Foolish. We don't know the old worlds well. We've been here, on this
backwater planet."
"We may
have to. I want to think about this. Weigh alternatives." At the last, her
voice had sounded weightless, drifting. Kham listened for her to ask something
else, but instead he heard the deep and regular movements of the breathing of
sleep. He readjusted his position slightly, feeling the warmth of the woman
next to him, and fell asleep effortlessly, like a child. But he had some
disturbing dreams of running from a formless thing that materialized wherever
he turned. And another one, about a sworn enemy protecting him. He remembered
these dreams, because he had few that he could remember.
In the morning, they slept late, and
woke up looking guiltily at each other; not for finding a fellow-body in bed
with one, but for becoming so lazy. Palude chided Cesar Kham: "One night
with a woman, and already you've gone to hell in a handbasket."
Kham sighed
and put his hands behind his head. "Worthless, I admit it. Absolutely
worthless. And you know, there's something to that, too."
Arunda sat
up, wrapping the blanket around her, and untangling the strands of her hair.
Some of the strands were gray. She yawned lazily and asked, "What?"
"I was
thinking of a way to make sure that you would have a society that would be proof
against change, against responsibility, against all forces. Make sure it's
acceptable for everyone to have as many affairs as possible, and all the rest
of the decisions will be made for them by the higher-ups. And of course cover
food, housing, and a little money. Not much. None of that happened by mistake,
I think."
"You
mean by accident."
"Yes.
By accident. I think it was designed in from the beginning. And the Changeless
weren't anywhere smart enough to do that. They just wanted a place to get to where
they could stop Time. They didn't have any idea why it moves."
"You
mean the Regents were on this planet. . . from the beginning?"
"A long
way back. Maybe before the Changeless came. But they saw the opportunity . . .
and that with all those different cultures and racial types coming together,
they would never, never fuse together into the monolithic whole they wanted
unless one built in the sexual connection from the beginning."
Arunda
leaned back, and said, "But they always said that they wanted to study
this society, that it was unique in its resistance to change. . . ."
"Then
how is it we had no warning about what was going on in The Mask Factory? That
place should have been crawling with our people, reporting through you at
Glist."
"No
reports, no people."
Arunda
looked at Cesar. "I never questioned that. That was just the way it was
when I came to Oerlikon. I assumed that we had enough control to ignore
it."
"Uh-huh,"
he grunted. "Just right. Me, too. We were all told we were there to ... study
it, and add a little bit of stability; but how many of us were there, really?
Do you know?"
"I only
knew the actives. And when we did pull out, even of those we only took the key
people. There were many others. . .." "How many? Assume all this had
been going on from the beginning. . . ."
She looked
up at the dim ceiling, sooty beams, and thought. Finally she said, hushed,
"Cesar, that's almost sixteen hundred years—Oerlikon years, according to
that insane calendar."
"A lot
of continuity, a lot of people shunted onto Oerlikon over that period."
Arunda
looked away, and then back. "Why? If it went on that long, there would
have to be an iron will behind it, maintained with more severity than the
Lisaks used. Transferred from generation to generation. That's hard to
believe."
"You
were deeper into the administration than I. How far back do you know it
goes?"
She:
"Well, I don't know. I mean, I ran into the Oerlikon project when I
was in the University, on Heliarcos. It was in existence then. They described
it as a long-term project. I never saw how long. I assumed it went back a few
generations, but never how many." She stopped. "This is unreal! What
could possibly be the purpose for such a long-term project?"
Kham looked
off, straight ahead, eyes unfocused as if viewing some personal demonland.
"Consider the possibility: if true, then the population of Lisagor would
come to consist of a majority of offworlders, trained to a specific social
identity, sworn to secrecy, and retiring on the planet. There were no
Lisaks!" He stopped, and then went on, "I exaggerate. But a
situation was created in which the stabilizing faction came to become a
majority. And who would question it? Most of the project people either retired
with a stipend on Lisagor or went back to Heliarcos to teach, or enter the
Regents. We were never on Lisagor to observe. We were there to control!"
"Why?" "To make sure
that there was one place where somebody would have a long time to do something,
long-term effects of hormone and endocrine
controls. And what did The Mask
Factory do? And why was there no entry into it for our people?"
"For
God's sake, Cesar! Next you'll tell me the Regents were the ones making the
Morphodite."
"Well?"
"Why?"
"Who
knows that? But here, they would have time, and they would also have a place
where the people wouldn't ask questions. Those who did would wind up finding
out first hand what went on in The Mask Factory. The planet was out of the
way, and of no great interest to anyone, everyone there tied up with his own
pet interests. And if they were trying to create a creature like the
Morphodite, and it got loose, they would have it isolated here. Let it ravage
Oerlikon! They could keep it here!"
"But
your argument fails in the present. They don't want quarantine."
"Of
course not! They'd have to say why. Doubtless the reason they would give would
be untrue, but there's still great risk there. It contaminates the
experiment."
"Then
that is why they sent us back."
"Exactly."
"When
did you . . . understand this?"
"This
morning. I just thought of it. It came together in my head. Remember? They
want us to use these priorities: first, to capture it and secure it; second,
to kill it. Losing Pternam was a real blow to them, but they could work from a
specimen backwards. They want it."
"What
about Pternam? Was he one?"
"Of
them? Oh, no. They'd have their controls there, but it wouldn't be the visible
key people. No, Pternam was working his own game. He was a real Lisak, and now
that I think of it, probably a very sick one, too. I mean, he had no
relationships with anyone, and he was pathetically eager to sell out to the
offworlders. I detested him after we cut Charodei out of influence, and had
him thrown overboard with a great deal of pleasure."
Palude reached
out of the rough bed to the cold floor, trying to find her robe where she had
thrown it out from under the covers the night before. Finding it, she slipped
into it, and stood up, wrapping herself in it against the cold. She said,
turned away from Kham, "I didn't feel at all good about coming back here
on this mission. Here, I felt more uneasy. There was something profoundly
unright about it, some concealed purpose I could sense but couldn't define.
But if half of your conjecture is true .. ."
"Oh, I'm
sure the idea I have seen isn't all of it. It may be yet worse. But so much is
enough, anyway."
"Too
much! And this of course makes the problem a personal one, now. And if we
haven't scared it off, but awakened it, it certainly has reason to come looking
for you and me."
"It
might well pursue you to the ends of the universe."
"Perhaps.
But it may also see a more pertinent target and not spend so much time on
us." "Cesar, we set off a series of events that killed its closest
relations!" "If not us, they would have sent someone else. Oh, we are
guilty
enough—I do not scamp that. But the
impetus comes from back there," and he gestured with his head at
the invisible sky beyond the ceiling. "There. And if that thing is
as dangerous and perceptive as they seem to think, it probably isn't going to
waste a lot of time on tools. One doesn't execute guns for murder, nor does one
maim hands. One goes back to the will, the heart of the matter. At least,
that."
"Will
you alert the port authorities?"
"I
think not. But we should move down there. If it's that girl I saw, I'll
recognize her again. I want to . . . make the decision then. Anyway, we won't
have another opportunity."
9
"A
stable and a worthy world, a quality world in the sense the Sophists used the
term, a Tao world, is built, line by line, not of brilliance and technique, but
simply a matter of timing, as in music. And after John Cage, sometimes the
right note is silence. One measures the beat by the emptiness between. Figure
and ground. This is neither old-knowledge nor that which is yet to be seen, but
a transcendental that each must reaffirm."
—H.C.,
Atropine
AFTER SHE HAD returned to
Karshiyaka, Nazarine had spent several days integrating the facts from Pakhad's
files into what she already knew, and building a new base for a reading of
conditions as they were. The results, in one part, did not surprise her: the
impetus for the sustained work on creating the Morphodite, which they referred
to as the Transformer, was wholly offworld, as had come the decision to dismind
Jedily and dump her into The Mask Factory. Wholly. The minds behind those
decisions were not on Oerlikon, had never been. For her there was even less
reason to pursue the remnants of that group than there was to disengage. They
were scattered to the four winds. When she ran a scan through the oracle for
the location of Avaria, the reading was "not available." Not
"died," or "in a particular place," but "not
available." Unreachable. When she had tried to amplify the scan, push it
a bit, it gave out the symbol for insignificance. Wherever Avaria had gone, he
was both powerless and inconsequential.
And if the
Change in Lisagor had caught the main body of offworlders by surprise, it had
devastated the creators of the Transformer. They were not only unprepared, they
could not even conceive of such a thing happening. Nazarine did not know how
far back the work went. But it was far back, and in the tumults she had set off
by Rael's single act, she had managed to negate the laborious plodding and
secrecies of generations. If for no other reason, they would punish the
creature they had suffered so much from, that its freedom and escape not go unavenged.
She could not run, she could not hide, and she could not interpose a defense
between her and them. Therefore the only course remaining open was to attack.
And to attack meant that she had to go offworld, back into whatever kind of
society had sent them all out in the first place.
She reasoned
that since there was no direct contact with Lisagor, that the contact would
have to have been done from Tartary. Somewhere in Tartary. And careful
listening in taverns and along the docks soon revealed that there was only one
port of significance in Tartary, and that strange folk walked there yet, people
neither Lisak mariners, Makhaks, nor any other Oerlikonian race. The oracle
confirmed it.
Passage
across the ocean to Tartary was not easy to arrange. Most of the ships and crew
tied up in Karshiyaka harbor were strictly local traders who worked across the
north coasts in the easy seasons, and southwards to the Pilontaries in the
winter. A few venturesome souls rounded the point of Zamor to go on to Marula
(where there was much destruction of porting facilities yet). A trip around the
continent to Clisp seemed to evoke astonishment, and a voyage to Tartary
elicited gasps of awe.
Nevertheless,
she eventually turned up one, the Rondinello, loading fleischbaum pod,
and its captain and owner-aboard sailed whenever he had a full cargo, fair sea
or foul, and he rarely asked questions. He and his scanty crew made a living
working the margins where others dared not go. The Rondinello was a
rounded, ungraceful sailing ship with a central hold for cargo, a forecastle
for the crew, one cabin for the captain and the mate, and two small cabins,
hardly more than closets, for whatever passengers might wish to risk the vast
unknown seas of Oerlikon. She had contacted the captain, paid her debts off
with the cartouche, and carried her small baggage aboard.
Nazarine
noticed the crew paid little attention to her; they were so inured to the stark
ways of the Rondinello that even a woman aboard did not seem to wake
them up. They glanced at her once, dismissing her as totally out of reach, and
then went stolidly back to work.
The
navigator was a dour little man, pot-bellied and bandylegged, and when asked
about departure, growled, "Evening, night, maybe dawn. The cargo's loaded,
the ship's stowed. We're waiting for the captain now. Stay aboard. He's looking
for another passenger. Bad luck to go with an odd number of them." At
that, the mate vented off a muffled little chuckle, turning his mouth down to
one side, as if finding another passenger in this season were the most
impossible task imaginable. Nazarine went inside her tiny cabin, in the chill
harbor-damp air, and wrapped herself up in blankets from a wall-cupboard, and
waited. After a time, the afternoon, already late, slowly faded into evening,
and lights began to come on in the ships anchored out in the harbor, and across
the docks in town. She made herself comfortable, and drifted off into a
dreamless light sleep, soothed by the quiet motions the Rondinello made
at her moorings.
She awoke in
darkness. She looked through the porthole and saw nothing. No lights, no ships.
There were no stars. The ship was moving with a gentle, but deep rolling
motion, and Nazarine understood that they were underway. The wood and cordage
made quiet flexing noises, and the water made soft noises against the hull. The
rest of the ship was quiet. She arranged things as best she could, made a light
supper of some bread and hardcurd she had thought to bring with her, and went
back to sleep.
The morning came under leaden skies,
a bitter wind out of the northwest, and a loping, rolling motion of the ship.
Nazarine came out onto the deck and glanced at the steersman's binnacle. Their
course was northeast, edged off toward the north. Into the dim daylight of the
high latitudes, regions of wind and wave that circled the watery poles of Oerlikon
forever.
Tied up
alongside the dock in Karshiyaka, half hidden by bales and boxes, the sails
shipped, the Rondinello had been nothing more than a thing, an artifact,
a member of a class. But now, out on the open ocean, it became individual,
realized, something powerful real and unique. Nazarine, who had never seen any
sort of ship except in pictures, the act of seeing, perceiving the
Rondinello, was a luminous experience. She went to the rail over the
bulwarks and steadied herself against the powerful roll and pitch, cloaked and
hooded against the cold wind, surrendering to becoming part of the flow of
real time, now, eternity.
Like all the
ships of Oerlikon, save the powered vessels used only by Clisp, the
Rondinello carried lateen sails on the main and mizzenmast, the mizzen
considerably smaller. In addition, a stubby bowsprit protruded from under the
forecastle, supporting a small artemon to steady the head. Three pieces of
canvas against the immense gray ocean, the overcast sky, the wind that never
stopped. The ship itself was all of wood, cloth, and cord, round and tubby at
bow and stern, broad-bellied in the tradition of millennia of merchantmen on
the seas of a thousand planets, about thirty meters in length, ten broad at the
widest part aft of the mainmast.
The wind was
steady, and few of the small crew were visible. Nazarine, while experiencing
this moment as something pristine, nevertheless felt herself unconsciously
adjusting to the ship. It came so easily that she forced herself to ask
herself: How do I know how to walk, to stand without motion sickness?
Jedily again, the template left behind: not a memory, but the set of actions
left behind by the imprint of a memory. Jedily had sailed on this very ocean,
sometime, somewhen. Long ago. Perhaps she had made this very journey to
Tartary, for reporting to her superiors. There and back. And certainly she
would have made the first trip, from Tartary. Maybe more than once. She shook
her head, trying to banish the ghosts of ancient movements, to return to the
present and the Rondinello. She thought, I am now only what I am and
I have a job to do. And that worked, but as all real acts do, it raised
further questions. And what in truth is that job? To release the
Apocalypse? To punish the guilty? Bullshit. The guilty punish themselves to the
end of time, and the misery they cause is only a by-product of their
self-torment. A billion deaths would not bring Meliosme back for a microsecond,
nor would they restore the center feeling that Phaedrus once, for a little
while, attained. Then, out of nowhere, the connection invisible, came the
thought, the realization,
I was
created an instrument of a hostility and a rage so deep it could not be
plumbed. Down the ten thousand stairs! But I have to learn to love, to give.
That is all that prevents us from falling upon one another like vermin and
rending one another. I have the Power to destroy; but how would I configure
this Power, to create? I was Rael, the Angel of Death, I was Phaedrus, centered,
desireless, at rest, neutral. She sighed deeply, inhaling the
cold air. And now I must learn the most difficult of all the arts. And stay
alive while I'm doing it.
Returning to
the present, into existential time, she saw that the other passenger had come
up from the cabins and was standing by the mizzenmast, steadying himself with
one hand, and looking out over the endless ocean as if he found it difficult to
believe.
The outline
of the passenger was hooded and cloaked against the wind and cold, and little
identifiable showed. The pearly, shadowless light further obscured the figure
of the passenger, flattening the relief of the shape beneath. It could be
anyone, any age, any sex. The figure turned slightly, an alert, defined
movement, without hesitation. Not old.
Some of the face showed, but only
hints. Nazarine stepped back from the rail and joined the passenger at the
mizzenmast.
The
passenger proved to be a young man of slightly shorter height than Nazarine,
pale of skin and dark of eye and hair. He had a delicate, almost girlish face,
but the finely drawn features were utterly without the harshness of Marcian or
the perverse willfulness of Cliofino. It was, refreshingly, a face whose
innocence was still written plain on it. She said, "You're the passenger
we were waiting for?"
"Yes."
He spoke hesitantly, and then added, "They found me. I had just about
given up getting a passage."
She looked
off at the sea, and said, "It's a strange thing that people should now pay
to sail to Tartary, when not long ago they would avoid even speaking of it
much."
"True.
All sorts of things now happen. Why would you be going?"
She thought
before answering. Is this one they have sent? Impossible1. She looked
closely at him and decided to step off blind, trusting to reflexes. "I'm
going to go offworld. I hear one can do that from Tartary."
Now he
looked out over the moving, tumbling waves. "I also." He shifted his
position, as if uneasy, or thinking something over. Then he said,
"Returning."
She leaned
closer to the mast, feeling guided by something inside herself that was less
than a memory and more than an instinct. "I have heard tales. . . . You
were one of our visitors?"
"Yes.
They say we can speak of it openly in Tartary. No one bothers with keeping it
secret anymore, but all the same they don't advertise it, either. I came in the
last group, just before everything fell apart."
"Were
you in danger?"
"No,
not really. I was in Symbarupol for a time, acclimating, but they sent me on to
Severevost. There was little action there, and what we heard was always
yesterday's news. When we heard they were trying to get some people off in
Crule, it was too late."
"You
take considerable chance telling me this."
For an
instant, something flickered across his eyes. Fear? Calculation? She did not
know. He said nervously, "You are not a Lisak, whatever you are."
Nazarine
smiled now, looking directly at him. "True. I am Nazarine Alea, an agent
of Clisp. Tell me your name."
"Lisak
or real?"
"Lisagor
is gone forever and Change is upon us. We have to be ourselves, for better or
worse. How do you want it?"
"Cinoe
Dzholin is as it was, and will be again. On Oerlikon, I was for a time Aristido
Bandirma."
"Your
name is strange and foreign, but it sounds more fitting to you, even though I
do not know its meaning or significance." She glanced toward the
forecastle, and added, "We will still have to be discreet until we get off
the ship."
"I
agree. But it's also true that they don't seem to care very much, now. At first
there were some incidents, but it quieted down, faster than anyone
expected."
Nazarine
nodded. "It's true, that. But people were used to the idea of stability,
of . . . channeling energy into private pursuits, and of seeing without
perceiving. That was the way of life, here. They'll learn another way, but
it'll come slow. I'd imagine there aren't so many of you going back, now, are
there?"
"After
the pickup, most of the older ones elected to stay. They'd grown used to it. A
lot of the younger ones, too."
"But
you didn't."
"No."
"Could
you have?"
"Yes.
But there really wasn't anything here for me. In the initial tumults, I lost
some close friends."
"I'm sorry. I apologize for the
circumstances." She thought, You don't know how sincere I am in that.
You were clearly not one of those who ran The Mask Factory in secret, but one
of the gullible supporters. And whatever, whoever you lost, it wasn't because
of the random mishaps of the planet, but was caused by me. These people
suffered cruelty, too. She said, "Only tell me what you will. I do not
pry. I lost much, too."
"What
interest has Clisp in us?"
"In the
sense of absolutes, I do not know. I have imagined that they wish to find out
what really was going on, here, and why; those are reasonable questions an
alert and perceptive native might ask. At any rate, so I ventured aloud, and no
one corrected me. At any rate, there is little enough Clisp could do about it..
. or prevent a recurrence, since by no means does Clisp control Oerlikon."
"Could
it?"
"I
doubt it. If you know Oerlikon well, you know we only had one war, and Clisp
lost that one; we are not, by nature, grandiose people. Events like that are
far off. No, revenge is not, as far as I know, what they have in mind."
She thought, It's easier to cite a government reason than a private one, as
if that alone conveys legitimacy. She added, "Besides, the events
allowed things to fall our way. And I imagine that we will rejoin the community
of those peoples whom we can reach. We have forgotten much here—we know little
about the stars we came from. And so here we are." She laughed a little.
"You were a harmless spy, and I am about to become one."
Cinoe
laughed, too, a shy little chuckle with a hint of a sly reserve, too.
"Yes, I was harmless. We had all sorts of ideas about cloaks and daggers,
but when we got here, it was not that way. . . ."
"Never
forget that Lisagor had real powers, and did not hesitate to use them in the
end. I don't know how you people live back where you came from, but Femisticleo
Chugun was as evil and ruthless as anything you'd have elsewhere."
"Yes,
yes, but we didn't worry about that. It was as if we were somehow more
Lisaschi than the real Lisaks."
She
answered, "And when we get back there, among all the strangers, perhaps we
will be even more strange, after the same manner: poetic justice, would it not
be?"
She
half-thought he might take offense, but he didn't. He said, "You have a
wicked wit." "I learned it at Court. That's one thing at least such
governments are good for."
"We
lost them long ago, in the idea we could do better. What we got in place of
kings and princes were even more ambitious, and less principled."
Nazarine
said, "I believe you are a covert royalist at heart. First a spy, and then
royalist sympathies. That is two. Are there more?" Nazarine felt control
of events slipping away from her, felt herself saying things she herself did
not wish to say, necessarily. Of course, Cinoe was attractive enough, and
maybe under other circumstances, she might have taken time to explore this part
of herself. But inside her deepest memory there was a pattern of a woman who
had taken the Lisak way of life to heart and wrung it dry. Jedily. Presumably
she had responded so to men she wished to meet. She wanted to take some control
back, but at the same time she also wanted to trust the Jedily-perception
inside, too.
Cinoe said,
as if relaying her own mind, "Are we going too fast, or are we just
disoriented travelers seeking company?"
She looked
out to sea. "Both." She gestured at the forecastle. "These are
worthy men, hard-working, brave . . . but they are not mine. And I see no other
women. Circumstances . . . The Lisak way is to make do with what opportunity
and fortune present, for these alignments will never happen again. They are
unique. I admit, it's a lazy way, an irre
sponsible way, but we both know
it."
"As
strangers who learned it."
"Yes.
There is more stress on legitimacy in Clisp, an obligation and mutual owing.
How are things where you come from?"
Cinoe
shrugged. "The young people have some adventures more or less, according
to temperament; later, they become settled and make more permanent
arrangements. Being in Lisagor was like . . . never growing up, and yet never
being a child either. But I learned something there."
"What
was that?"
"That
it is important to share, to reach; everyone brings something of value."
"If the other can but find it." He came back, "If the one that
has it can find it to give." "Well met! Well met, indeed! And now,
let us go back toward the
captain's
cabin and find out if there is something aboard the Rondinello we can
eat. I am starved already, and I'm sure we have many days yet ahead of
us."
There was a cook, who lived and
worked somewhere below the poop, in a part of the aft hold walled off for his
purposes. Moreover, there was some heat in the officers' cabins, conveyed
through the bulkheads by an ingenious system of flues and pipes from the
cooking fires below. Some mild complaining by Cinoe and Nazarine uncovered the
fact that some of the hot air could also be diverted by the two passenger
cabins, although it didn't do very much good. Nevertheless, the mate said he
would try to adjust the system so they could have some heat as well. Presently
he went off to see if the adjustments could be made.
They also met
the cook and discovered the hours of service: four meals a day were served on
the Rondinello, dawn, noon, dusk, and midnight. They were early for
noon meal, but the cook made allowances and set up something for them. On
precisely the stroke of the noon hour, the captain came in, said nothing, and
ate standing up. He left immediately. The mate returned, bearing the
information that only one of the cabins was heatable, ate, and then he also
left, muttering something about changing course more around to the north, so
they could pick up a stronger wind. Cinoe and Nazarine were left alone.
She looked
around the small cabin. After a moment, she said, "I don't want to pry
through his things; I'm sure he would resent it, even if he's said little or
nothing about what we can or can't do."
"True.
I'd feel uneasy. This is no luxury cruise. We could go and see which cabin has
heat."
"Yes."
She made a face. "Probably yours. I always get the bad luck."
"Maybe
not."
As it turned
out, it was Nazarine's cabin that had the heat, and although by no means warm,
at least in that small space the warm walls took some of the edge off the sea
cold. They sat side by side on the edge of the bunk. Cinoe pulled his hood
back, revealing shoulder-length thick dark hair. He said, "I became
accustomed to the cold in Severovost. But you, in Clisp, you had no cold
there."
She said,
"No. Although Clisp is never hot, neither is it very cold. I have to admit
I was thinking of desperate acts."
He looked at
her sidelong, from under his eyebrows. "Such as?"
"I
thought that if we were agreeable to each other, we might have to agree to
share what warmth we could find." "I had thought of that. But. .
." She leaned back against the wall, feeling the warmth at her back.
"Your cabin is still icy. And
according to the mate, the captain is taking us farther north still. It will be
colder. However hardy you became in Severevost, I'll bet you had heat in the
houses."
"We
did." He placed his hand over hers, lightly. She did not withdraw hers.
Cinoe seemed to lack the brash self-assurance of Cliofino; he hesitated, as if
waiting for a clearer sign from her.
She said, "You should stay
here, then." He leaned back against the wall beside her, letting their
shoulders touch. "1 would like that very much."
Nazarine
knew what was happening, and something in her wanted it to. She moved closer,
to feel the body-warmth forming between them. The part of her that was
continuous shouted No, no, not this way. But the template of Jedily
reactions said, softly, Lie back and enjoy this. There's little enough joy
in the world: Anyone's world. Take your share, too.
She avoided Rael, Phaedrus; she
remembered Damistofia, how she felt. She could smell his scent: sea-air,
cordage, smoke, something pungent, faint, underneath, that communicated
directly to her body. It knew what to do. She leaned her face over
toward his, and he turned his face to hers, too, and kissed her, softly, barely
touching. Their lips were dry.
She relaxed,
and then drew back a little. "Go lock the door. Something's happening to
us." He got up, and fastened the narrow cabin door, and came back,
settling closer to her, touching her arm to arm, flank to flank, hip and thigh
against hip and thigh. Nazarine felt unworldly, not of the world, and yet focused
at its very center, softening, melting, flowing; her legs felt weak at the
knees, disjointed. Cinoe started to say something, but before he could voice
it, she shook her head. "Don't talk, now." They turned to face each
other, now kissing again, mouths opening, relaxing, exploring each other.
Sliding over in the narrow bunk, clumsy with the motions of the ship, the
newness of this; he whispered, "Better than the words." And she
whispered back, "Let them speak as they will," pulling his body close
to hers, and they lay down, touching face-to-face along the length of their
bodies. His mouth was soft, light, gentle nibbles, and the body was wiry and
strong beneath the heavy clothing, which they now began to remove without
losing contact; a difficult maneuvering, full of elbows and knees, a tender,
patient clumsiness with which they tangled themselves together, lower bodies
bare, warm flesh behind cool air. She hardly felt his weight. There was a soft,
insistent pressure between her legs, and then he was inside her and they were
one, and for a little time, time stopped, except for the motions they made,
together. Like climbing a long hill, steepening toward the top, and there a
bright plateau where her breath caught in her throat and she felt a sudden surge
of heat from him, deep inside her, then, at that moment, at her center. And
very slowly, then they kissed each other's faces like children as they fell
back into the present, the world, ordinary time. They felt the chill air, the
sea damp, the motions of the ship; the rough covers of the bunk. They could
hear the water against the hull, the voices of waves, the wind, the tramp of
the mate on the deck, odd and random calls to and from the crew, as if from far
away. The light from the tiny porthole was bluer, dimmer, later. They shifted a
little so they could lie side by side, her leg curled over him, but they did
not disengage for a long time, and they did not say anything; what was there to
say that was of greater truth than that which they had just told each other?
Cinoe curled
close to her, his face between her breasts, and Nazarine enfolded him, twining
around him, feeling both their breathing lengthening, evening out. She felt,
all at once, invaded, possessed, captured, and also an emptiness filled, and
something long denied now completed. She felt very good, for the first time
she could remember. She thought, There is a Tightness here and now, a flow I
could surrender to. A flower was unfolding at the center of her chest, and
she wanted to sing, to shout, to whisper in a hoarse voice unspeakable things.
It felt so good.
She relaxed, moved a little, and
also thought, For a little while, more of this. And then we'll have to
choose, won't we? She felt Cinoe relax, and knew he had drifted off,
sleeping, although she knew she could wake him easily. She tried, perversely,
to recall Rael: it was unreal, now, an odd fantasy. Phaedrus was hardly more
substantial. Now I have become Jedily. And that thought reminded her,
once again, that Jedily had things to do. Yes. There was no escaping that. It
had to be that way. But for now, they had the world of the Rondinello,
and the endless ocean, and time. And she knew how she would get offworld
without being stopped.
10
"Constantly,
over and over again, one discovers that the people who made the greatest
virtuoso use of a discipline, an Art, really discovered something within it
(instead of exploiting it), were most often those who cast about courseless for
years, usually gaining reputations as hopeless ne'er-do-wells. Then, one day,
they saw the light. Chance meetings, coincidences, accidents. All this is
undeniably true; equally true is the question, what becomes of those for whom
the door never opens, the light never shines?"
—H.C.,
Atropine
NAZARINE UNDERSTOOD WITH the wisdom
of several pasts inside her, that to love, to experience the unblended pleasure
of it, one had to lay down defenses and become vulnerable, exposed. The nudity
with which one made love was more than exposure of skin, it was an analogue of
a deeper emotional nudity. But more, it was irrational and impractical, an
utter refusal to consider consequences, where things might lead, or what could
be in this for her. Or him. They felt timelessness. They filled the endless
shipdays with each other.
The
difficulties they transcended or ignored. That was the way it had always been.
Nor did they, either one, ask why, except now and then, as a rhetorical
question that expected no answer.
But deep
down, she knew that this love affair that filled her with light was
illusory, that the endless ocean, gray and wrinkled and heaving with its own
passions, was not endless. Somewhere ahead was Tartary, and beyond that,
another voyage across a deeper ocean. Here, Cinoe was just another wanderer in
the no-time of Oerlikon. That was, too, illusion. He had come from somewhere
else, another life, another time. He was returning to his own past. And she
was about to leave hers forever. They were both passing through unstable zones
of transition. She thought again. Perhaps it was so good for that very reason.
Now she
stood on deck by the rail and looked out over the waters. The sea was always
the same, and never the same. The waves and the patterns and motions they made
changed hourly, and sometimes by the minute, and above the waves, the sky
changed equally fast. She had lost count of the days, down below. She had lived
in a different world. This one had become a little strange. Now the sky was
more broken up, streaks and patches of open sky alternating with multiple layers
of clouds. The worst of the bone-chilling cold was gone. Nevertheless she felt
a chill pass through her. She knew she was, in some tormented and torturous
way, Jedily, who had come here from there, but that was neat,
logical, reasoned out. She only could remember back to Rael. Oerlikon was all
she knew. She had been a weapon tailored to this particular world with a
precision never before attempted, or attained. Her sense of the arts she knew
told her that the art would work anywhere, and yet there were so many unknowns
there beyond the sky. So many!
Cinoe
appeared from the passageway leading down to the cook's cubby, looked about for
a moment uncertainly, and then brightened when he saw her. He crossed the deck
and stood beside her at the rail, content now just to stand close.
"Watching the sea again?"
"Yes.
It is the same, but it always changes and is never the same. Both, at
once." She shrugged. "There is little else to do." She laughed
warmly, "When we are together . . ."
"I
know. Plenty there to do. I haven't done all, yet."
"Nor
I."
"I was
talking with the navigator. Ran him down in the galley. He says we look for
landfall sometime tomorrow. We have made a record passage."
"How
would he know? They have no idea of time here."
Cinoe
chuckled to himself, showing laughlines at the corners of his eyes. "Oh,
yes, on land. But navigators compute things differently. They use sidereal
time. And their dayclocks, on land as well as sea, are quite accurate."
"Landfall,
then. And then?"
"They'll
have to see, where on the west coast of Tartary we actually are. Then we follow
the coast around to the south. Might be a day or so more."
"So the
voyage is ending?"
"Yes."
"And
us?"
"We're
both leaving Oerlikon. .. . At least for a time, we can stay together."
"True. We never spoke of that, did we?" He said, "No. I didn't
want to. It would have spoiled the magic." "Just so." "I
don't know where you are going." "I don't know myself. I always
assumed that you would be returning
to Heliarcos."
He said,
"Yes. At least there, first. Then, I don't know. We have passage back
there. But I don't know how things are there, what with all those who went back
earlier. There may be nothing there for me to do. So I would have to find
another place." He shrugged. "You are being sent out to see and
observe. Certainly we could be together for a time. I don't want this to
end."
"You
are inviting me to Heliarcos, with you?"
"Of
course."
"I will
come with you. I don't want this to end, either. It has been good, what we've
made between us."
He went on,
"You've not been offworld. It's different, out there. The same, other
ways. Humans don't change that much, but there are a lot of things you'll need
to know. I'll show you."
"I
won't embarrass you?"
"Definitely
not!"
She mused,
"You give me so much. I wish I could give you as much . . ."
"You already have. Yourself." "Humbug. I gave you me, you gave
me you; I mean something else." "Well, maybe you'll find something.
Or not. It doesn't matter." She said, "I'll look." And for a moment,
she was tempted, as she had
never been tempted before, to give
him at least part of the terrible secret she bore within her. The many deaths
of immortality. Think of it. Forever. What every lover dreamed of. But here, a
warning, a sourness, that came from the echoes of Jedily. If she tried, she
could put it into words: Never give everything. Love is sweet, but it fades.
It's a moment. And it changes. Remember that. It changes. It's the best thing
in the world, never forget that, but second only to that is knowing when to
leave. Love was given us to console our loneliness. But to loneliness we always
return. The contrast is what makes both worthwhile. She said, "What
kinds of things do I need to expect, where we're going?"
Cinoe looked
off over the sea for a moment. "I don't know you well enough to tell you
what would be hard or easy for you; there are places, little enclaves, that are
more primitive technologically compared with the whole than Oerlikon, and those
people don't seem to have great difficulties adjusting. In fact, they often
become themselves the foremost modernists in the use of things that are really
wonders in their own right, but most people just take for granted."
She
ventured, "I think I understand; standing in a line is much the same
wherever it occurs. You do have lines to stand in?"
"Oh,
yes. Lines to get a place in other lines."
"I can
manage that."
"Some
of the ... devices you'll run into may require you to learn new forms of
dexterity, coordination. A different language. But that's all basic stuff. What
will be hard is something I am not sure I can describe."
"Try. I
am from Clisp, remember?"
"Compared
with here, the way people relate to each other is more casual and more selfish
at the same time. It is easier for strangers to meet and make love; harder to
feel any lasting loyalty. It has to be that way: people move around a lot.
There's little sense of permanence."
Nazarine
heard this and thought, herself, Here is a key I need to understand what
happened! This was why they could be so cruel and ruthless and casual, about
matters of life, death, revenge. She said, "People who love don't
necessarily stay together."
"No."
He stopped there.
"What
else?"
"You
have to be alert, clear-headed, to find your own way among diversions that can
trap you, prevent you from accomplishing; people are more casual about sex. You
can't afford to become obsessed with it. Mind, it's not restrictive or
possessive. But you won't find much like you had here, except in certain
lower-order areas, ah, people there who have given up the idea of personal
development."
"You
sound as if you're hinting at something."
"That
was one way they kept Change from happening here. It was set up that way and
kept that way from the beginning. The energy spent on affairs would leave
little energy left for more serious pursuits. There were some subtle methods
involved."
Nazarine
felt as if she were being pulled, firmly, in two different directions. On the
one hand, the loss of something that had been very good. Cinoe was telling her
plainly that once they crossed that line that demarcated Oerlikon with its
artificial environment from there, they'd go their own ways, sooner or
later. On the other hand, lovely as he was, and as good a lover as he was, he
really wasn't very alert to the power she had to extract meaningful data out of
very little original material. He had already dropped two pieces, casually,
completely misunderstanding the value of those bits to her. She sighed.
"I think I understand what you are trying to say kindly. Well, that's not
so different as you might think from here. And of course I have things to do on
my own."
"I
hoped you'd feel that way. I thought you might. There's something about you I
can't see, but that makes me think you would understand and adjust. And of
course, for now . .." He took her hand and held it.
She returned
the pressure. "Can the cook heat us some water for a bath?"
"Salt
water."
"Enough.
We should make tonight last."
He said,
"I thought so. Tomorrow everything will get busy."
She turned
from the rail, taking him with her.
When she woke up, she was conscious
of two things immediately: the small bunk she shared with Cinoe was empty, save
herself. The second thing was that the motion of the ship was different: all
the way across the ocean it had been mostly a pitching. She had gotten so
accustomed to it she had forgotten about it. She wryly smiled to herself, and
stretched her legs out into the cold parts at the foot of the bunk. Got used
to it already, did you? It was time to start waking up, to become alert, to
use the art.
The motion
of the ship was now more a roll, with a shorter and more choppy motion. Nerving
herself for the chill air, she threw back the covers and stood up quickly,
feeling her bare skin prickle with the sudden cold. The deck underfoot felt
odd, unlike the surface she had been walking on for so many uncounted days.
She washed quickly, shivering from the cold water, to wake herself up. She
looked down along the lines of her body, which apparently had stabilized: her
nipples were pinched and wrinkled. This body had high, full breasts that filled
the space across her pectorals rather than out. The belly, flat, carried a hint
of an opulent curve to it. She thought, Watch that: this body will run to
fat if I'm not careful. The thighs were long and lean, the legs graceful,
but filled out and solid. She smiled again, despite the cold: I like this
body.
Nazarine
dressed and went up on deck. The sky was clear, for a change, a flat,
opalescent blue streaked with pearl: high ice clouds. The sea was deep blue,
almost black, broken with white-caps. And to her left, a long, low brown smudge
along the horizon, seemingly as flat as the ocean, but slightly higher: a brown
line that faded away over the horizon to the north. She looked about
uncertainly for Cinoe, and found him up on the quarterdeck, speaking with the
helmsman and looking about. He saw her, and came down to meet her. Together
they went to the port rail and looked long at the loom of Tartary.
She said,
"Tartary, of course."
He nodded.
"Tartary. They raised Cape Malheur at dawn. Or so the watch announced. I
cannot make any details out of that line on the horizon. At any rate, the
landfall was somewhat farther to the south than they expected, and so the
coasting will be shorter. They expect to make port sometime tonight."
She felt a
sudden odd discordant emotion; as if it were one part fear and one part
anticipation. The real adventure was about to begin. And perhaps another
adventure was beginning to end.
She said,
"We might well be here for some time, waiting for a ship out."
"Perhaps.
And one might be in now. One never knows."
"Are
you anxious to return?"
The wind
ruffled his dark hair, stray black loose strands escaping from under his weather-hood.
He looked off at the distant continent for a long time, and then said, "I
was before. There was nothing for me here, in Severovost. Now? For a dare, Fd
turn around and go back to Severovost, fish processing and all, if you'd go
back with me."
She looked
at her lover closely now, trying to see him as he was, not as she had let
herself see him. The two images were only slightly different. He was a slender
young man, graceful and strong, delicate and almost pretty around the face.
For a minute she was tempted more strongly than she could ever remember being
before. It took a terrible effort to refuse, to say no, to herself. She said,
taking his hand and squeezing it, "I, too, have been tempted to just that.
You will not know how much. But you know the world has no patience with people
in love. We have things to do. I am to go out and see this fabulous yonder we
abhorred so strongly, to see what place has Clisp in this new universe we've
inherited."
He said,
turning to look at her, "That's odd, you know? Usually it's the man who
has to move on, for duty." "I'm not leaving you; we're going
together." She shrugged. "Besides, it's not as if we had been
together for years. We really just met not so
many days ago, even though it seems
like longer. .. . Or maybe you do not fear me leaving, but what you'll do once
you get, ah, back."
Cinoe leaned
on the rail and looked down at the water. "We will both change, when we go
back, that is true, Nazarine. One mask will come off. Another will take its
place. But the past doesn't haunt me, anywhere there." He glanced up at
the sky. "I brought my past here with me when I came, and that vanished
without a trace. But it was long gone before that."
"You
did not leave a girl behind; you came here with her."
"Yes, that is the way it was.
No matter now. I say that to show you that in the way of lovers I am as free as
you. There's nothing back there." "Tell me. I have also known
happiness and disappointments before." He looked sidelong at her,
curiously. "You are passionate and gallant.
Yes, that's the word. But it was
long ago."
"Say
rather that it was in a different time. It seems long ago. I ended it, but it
hurt as if it had been done to me. Tell me of yours." For a moment she
caught an echo of Rael, and she tried to project this young man in the arms of
another woman, a girl. What would she have looked like?
"I
don't suppose her name matters. What it was back there isn't important. Here
she was to be Aril Procand, and that was mostly how I knew her. We assumed our
identities some time before we came to Oerlikon. It was all very ordinary—we
were students together, and we sort of drifted into it. On the way here, she
became interested in someone else. When we arrived, we found out we would be
posted to different locations. Or perhaps she had gotten her new friend to
arrange it. She went to Symbarupol and I went to Severovost."
Nazarine's
skin prickled, and she felt a violent chill.
Cinoe asked,
"You shivered. Are you cold?"
"Just a
moment. It's fresh out here. I had to awake alone this morning, you
remember." But something was opening up in her memory, a configuration of
reality which she had once, as Rael, manipulated. Aril Procand! She asked,
"Who did she have an affair with? I know some of that group—from Clisp."
It was a hasty lie, but she needed confirmation.
Cinoe said,
"His name, here, was Enthone Sheptun. He had somehow gotten connections
with Central Coordination, and was playing an influence game. Aril fell for
it."
Nazarine nodded, absorbed. Sheptun! What
incredible fortune! She said, "You know, of course, that he was killed.
There was a great outcry." "Yes. They say Aril died during
interrogation. Rumor. I don't know.
She was never seen again. She didn't
ship either. I asked."
"I'm
sorry." But it wasn't the tale of love and betrayal that interested her
but the information that, even after the complete disruption of the operation,
this very green spy had still managed to get some kind of contact with the
outsiders, and probably still had enough of that contact to arrange his passage
out. She wouldn't need to cast about all over the universe looking for her
answer; Cinoe would take her directly to it.
He asked,
"And yours?"
"Cliofino.
Let it go. 1 put that behind me, and now I want us to go as far as we
can." He chuckled. "We've tried a little of that." "Not
enough. And now let us raid the galley once more. I haven't had
anything to
eat yet today, remember. I'll bet you've already been at the ship
biscuit."
Amew Madraz entered the common room
that served Kham and Palude as workroom, dining room, and rarely as a gathering
place for various sorts of conspirators, all of whom had negative reports to
tender. Madraz restrained his contempt for these gabbling offworlders who spent
their entire lives worrying over time in the conditional tense. Like most
Makhaks, he was tall and gaunt to the point of emaciation, but in addition to
the usual traits of the race, he possessed an extra quantity of a prized trait
the Makhaks called indzhosti, a word which did not readily translate
into any single concept. Aloofness, reserve, effortless calculation and
mastery of realities, great personal force released only under steely,
precision control. All of his movements occurred with a measured, inevitable
cadence, the effortless grace of a dance whose rules and music could only be
guessed at, for the uninitiated.
Madraz
looked down at his guests from under overhanging brows and said, in the same
low, uninflected voice he always spoke in, "Word comes from the port that
we have a visitor from space."
Kham and
Palude had been laying out alternating series of probability tracks, and they
were surrounded by an untidy mass of papers and curious diagrams which somewhat
resembled logic flow-charts. Now Kham looked up at the austere Madraz and
asked, with some surprise, "How so? According to what we heard during the
last communications cycle, transport isn't due here for months yet. Should be
summer, or what passes for summer here, before we hear from them."
Palude
looked up also, adding, "The St. Regis isn't anywhere near Cerlikon,
now. Did they turn and come back?"
Madraz
intoned, "Not your support ship. That one still runs on schedule as far
as I know. This is another. Before, such ships passed through this section
without stopping, when they came at all. Now perhaps their captain hears that
Oerlikon is open to visitors. This one, according to tale, is called Kalmia.
The lighter is down now, its agents going all up and down looking for fares,
cargo, trade. Our factors engage them now."
Kham looked
at Palude, and she looked back. He said, "Accident. The astrogator stopped
reading comic books long enough to notice where they were, and they stopped on
a whim. What luck!" To Madraz he asked, "And those passengers who
were waiting for the St Regis to come back?"
"The
ones who can pay or have it billed are boarding."
Kham asked
of Palude, "What now?"
"At the
least, we have to go down there and see who has gotten on."
"What
had your last reading of the oracle suggested?"
" 'Journey
by water,' from Tarot. I Ching said #64, 'Almost There.' "
Kham asked
Madraz, "Are there any waterships in the port?"
"Two.
One yesterday morning from the Pilontaries, so they say, loaded with refugees.
Another from Karshiyaka, a trader with a load of fleischbaum, last night."
"Judas!"
Kham exclaimed. "Chance sets us all astray, while we wait and ponder!
Arunda, get your things. We'll have to go, and maybe keep on going."
Palude got
up, hesitantly, but stood quietly. At last she asked, "Are you not going
to report? Shouldn't we wait . . . ?"
"Wait
for what? If that thing gets loose back there, we'll probably find out about it
when the ships stop coming here at all. Come on. We've got to see if there's a
young woman loose down there. Before the lighter rejoins the main ship. Once
she gets on one of those things it'll be worse than trying to find it
here."
"How do
you mean? It's just a ship. It's got limited space; we can run it to Earth
there, surely. And it's a long way to the next port of call from here."
"It's a
long way between calls, yes, but if you've never spaced out commercial, you
don't know. Those commercial liners are enormous, the size of cities. Cargo and
people, both. That ship up there in orbit is probably larger than Marula. And
we won't get any cooperation from the crew, either."
"Then
if you think it's gotten aboard, you'll follow it and try to kill it."
"Find
it and follow it if I can. Kill it? Not on a commercial liner. Captain's his
own law aboard one of those. Traditional penalty for murder is ejection into
space, in transit."
"Then
what could you do?"
"Identify
it and follow. Are you coming?"
"I . ..
yes, I will come."
"Good!"
Kham set about gathering his few possessions, and said, over his shoulder,
"Settle accounts with Master Madraz, in case we don't come back. I'm going
ahead."
Kham
disappeared into one of the back rooms, reappearing after some noisy efforts
with his things crammed into a bulging travel bag. Madraz was still there,
unmoved and unmoving. He seemed to view the activity with the mild disdain of a
small boy who had just poked an anthill with a stick. He withdrew his hands
from the folds of his robe and proffered a small package to Palude and Kham.
"Our commercial representative sent this along with the word of the
arrival. Well he listened to your words, and well he complied. This, he said,
was for you."
Kham
stopped, came across the room and took the package. It was wrapped in brown
paper, the sort used in wrapping breakable goods, but it seemed unwontedly
heavy for its size. Kham unwrapped it carefully. What was inside appeared to be
a small metallic tablet, about the size of a small woman's hand, rectangular,
with rounded corners. It bore curious pictographic signs, some line figures of
animals, others heraldic symbols whose pictographic aspect had been lost. The
metal was silvery, untarnished, utterly without color of its own. It was very
heavy in his hand. Kham looked at it for a long time in utter silence, and then
handed it to Palude without a word. She took it, and asked, "What is
it?"
"Bad
news. That's the missing Clispish credit card."
"Then
it's aboard the lighter."
"Exactly.
And that thing can buy a lot of privacy. Yes, settle things here. We're going
traveling."
11
"To
appreciate an art: there's a fine thing. But better to use it to express what
one imagines to be truth. But at the summit of mastery, contradictorially, one
submits to it and shyly allows it to speak with one's voice, borrowed, as it
were. Then you get truth, that makes the rest mere vanity."
—H.C.,
Atropine
NAZARINE SAT BACK in the
depths of an enormous overstuffed chair facing a window and looked out on the
port from the lighter. Cinoe was close by, but busily talking with a group who
had arrived just before they had. Offworlders who had filtered into Marula and
were still trying to get off Oerlikon. Some of them he recalled from earlier
times. She let him talk; above all, now she needed time to herself, time to integrate
everything.
One thing
was a streak of incredible luck, and that luck, she knew, was a fickle thing,
like having a love affair. One might have it, or not, but however it went, one
had to get on with one's business. True enough J But what was her proper
business? She did not feel any sense of escape at all; to the contrary, she
felt an increased sense of danger. Every minute now she moved closer to the
source of danger, and she had to comprehend the nature of the environment she
was in.
She was also
certain that however easily she had gotten aboard the
lighter,
they must have set off alarms all over the planet when she had
had Cinoe,
under pretext of her not understanding the language of the
offworlders,
which was true as far as it went, exchange the cartouche of
Pompeo for
something more negotiable. Whoever was here looking for
her would
surely have a chance, because of that. Having Cinoe do it,
with her
close by, would confuse them, but not for long.
Tartary,
from the landing-point of the lighter, didn't look like much:
the land was
treeless, covered with mats of dull-brown vegetation. Or else bare mud and
rock. The mud was brown and apparently sticky, the rocks gray or dull black.
The port had a hasty, ramshackle look to it, and also a foreign look, as if it
did not belong here. There were native Makhaks in evidence, but only as the
lowest sorts of laborers—she could sense that they were outcasts, and that the
real Tartary lay elsewhere, somewhere off over the northern horizon.
Tartary was
enigmatic, hidden, subtle. Nazarine looked out the window, sensing a powerful
secret doctrine locked in the tawdry and ordinary scene she was looking at, if
she could but find it. There was the weakness of her skill, carried forward
from Rael, Damistofia, Phaedrus, and now herself: She had to know what
questions to ask. Without that, she was as blind as the rest of the
confused and terrified people around her, each seeking their tiny shred of the
future surety, even if one of foreboding and dread. Tartary was like a bosel.
They, too, were fascinating, enigmatic, full of arcane sefcrets, arrangements
of life stranger than anything she could imagine. But bosels did not send
forgotten people to The Mask Factory to become obedient lobos . . . nor did
Makhaks invade one another's holds with the fire and steel of the
Pallet-Dropped Heavy Troopers. Interesting, yes, but not important. Bosels were
distractions; so was Tartary, however ordinary this part of it seemed—mud,
stone quays, winding paths down the bluffs, sweating undermen, ramshackle
taverns. Yes, that was it. One was surrounded by a million things that cried
for attention, but only a precious few mattered, in some cases, only one thing.
One could die of nothing more serious than simple fascination. She looked from
the window to Cinoe, seeing his girl-delicate face in profile. She felt a
reflex constriction in her loins, a desire-reflex that she did not deny. She
had given herself over to it utterly, and felt no regret or condemnation. It
was beautiful. It is so yet. But it, too, is a distraction no less deadly than
the rest of the things I have seen. Phaedrus had tried to reach for
oblivion, for utter ordinarily, complete submersion, and it had failed, and in
pain and terror for those he loved most, a gentle, lustless love. She thought,
somberly, I did not ask for it, nor did I wish it, but I was created to a
deadly purpose, and I must use that in order to .. . what? They created more
than they could imagine when they made me. I could create a universe in which
such evil could not exist, could not be imagined, could not even be denounced
as a vice. Yes. I have that power.
And even as the strange joy of that
realization flooded through her mind, like an echo there followed on it the
converse, inseparable: without the freedom to commit evil unimaginable, what
little good managed to get done by accident would be meaningless! Even more
clearly, she saw this simultaneously: an image of herself and Cinoe joined in
love, climaxing together, (how different his face was then from now. Her own,
too, she supposed), knowing that sex was not an end in itself but a way to
reach for a deeper sweetness that was ultimately unreachable, that essence of
loneliness one could never share. All that, a meaningless procreative rite,
conducted in boredom, without those other losses, those other never-was,
never-could-be's. Figure and background. Signal and noise. And I'm in
terrible danger of being swamped by noise.
She stood up
and laid her hand on his shoulder affectionately. When he looked up, away from
those others with whom he shared something she would never know, she said,
"I'm going to the cabin and wait. I feel too exposed here."
In that
instant, she glimpsed something flicker across his face, a slight annoyance.
When they stepped across the threshold of the bursar's office down below, she
had become a burden, someone who would have to be shown everything. He nodded.
"You're still worried about being followed?"
"You
get an instinct for these things."
"I'm
not one to disagree; I've known that feeling myself. Well, then— go ahead. Tell
you what you could do, while you're waiting; there's a self-paced
language-assimilation set in there. Drugs, RNA, hypnotic learning programs. If
you strap yourself into that, you should have the basics down by the time we
join the main ship. They have them because you never know where one of these
ships is going to stop. It will make things a lot easier for you, on the ship
and back in the real world, so to speak. You can pick up the fine points as you
go."
"I
wondered how I was going to get through that."
"It
won't change you at all—just give you the means to communicate."
"Do
they really have the language of Oerlikon stored in there?"
"Oerlikonian?
I doubt it. No, you'll talk to the machine, and it will learn from you, enough
to start you off. I'll stay here—don't worry about being in the way."
"You're
sure it's all right?"
"Certainly
I'm just catching up on things, swapping horror stories. I'll stay here, and
meet you upside when we link up. And then you can begin to experience the real
world."
"You're
sure it's safe."
"Absolutely.
Just lock the doorseal and engage the wall set. No one can hear you. Let it do
its program on you—it won't change you, so don't fight it."
"When
do we leave here?"
"According to what
I hear, it will probably be night, and then at least a couple of hours getting
docked with the mother ship." "How will you get in?" "Once
you lock it, I can't. Come and get me when you're finished."
He glanced at the others.
"We'll be here, just telling yarns. No worry, we won't run out of them
before takeoff. Go on and do it and get it over with, and come speak to me in
my own speech."
She turned,
saying, "Just so." Then Nazarine made her way through the eddying
crowds in the lounges and passageways back to the small cabin they had taken.
She opened the door, entered without looking back, and turned and locked it.
Then she looked around. The bed was high up and partly enclosed. The cabin was
spare and functional. Some pop-out seats along the wall, a bath cubicle in the
rear. No windows. She nodded to herself, and began methodically taking her
clothes off. First, a hot bath. Then, the machine. She only had one
concern, and that was about possible side effects of the accelerated learning
she was going to take. She remembered that the particular arts she practiced as
the Morphodite could not be expressed in the language of Oerlikon—that whole
system was both illogical and impossible in that language. What effect would
Cinoe's language have on the oracular powers of the Morphodite? She tried to
reason it out by analogy, but lacking any knowledge about how the offworlders'
speech was structured, she could only guess. While showering, she tried to run
a short-scan mentally, without using the hand symbols she had developed, and
she actually did get a very blurred and indistinct reading. The question she
formulated was:
Will learning another language
degrade my abilities to compute in the oracular system? The answer
seemed to be negative, but it was a curious negative, with all sorts of
side-features and eddies growing out of it. Still, it was a negative. She
reluctantly rinsed off, dried in a warm air blast, and climbed into the bed,
still naked. There, in the wall, she found a pull-out fixture whose operation
seemed to be self-evident and failsafe even for one like herself. She feared
this more than anything she had done yet, but after one deep breath, she
activated the device, catching herself thinking that it was, after all, a shame
that Cinoe would not be here with her. She smiled wryly at that. This place
was the first thing we had done together, in concert. Ours. And not really ours
at all. Well. And as the operating light illuminated on the viewscreen of
the device, she said to it, in her own speech, "Very well, bucket of
bolts. Do your worst!"
At the foot of the entryway to the
lighter, Kham and Arunda Palude found a temporary office which had been erected
for the convenience of the bursar. The lighter was itself a large construction
of curiously irregular shape, as if it had been constructed with no aim for
dynamic flow whatsoever. It stood on the flats before the water on many metal
legs, a flattish, angular thing like a small city, casting a cold and windy
shadow underneath.
The
"office" was made of timbers lashed together, scraps, pieces of
plastic sheeting that bowed and fluttered in the wind. Inside was a very modern
communicator, presumably linked with the mainship Kalmia topside, and
perhaps through it to other places. The bursar had thoughtfully brought down a
portable heater which labored mightily to fill the tent with heat, but much of
its output leaked out through flaps and rents in the plastic. Still, the
outside noises faded. Kham felt an odd prickling about his ears and thought he
could sense a sonic deadener. Speaking, he confirmed it. Their voices had, in
this place, a flatness, a loss of timbre.
They had no
difficulty identifying themselves and booking passage. But there seemed to be
some problem about finding the person they were looking for, whom they identified
as an associate long lost in the tumults of the revolution in Lisagor.
The bursar
rubbed his chin, scratched his temples, and ruminated, "Well, yes, in
fact, er, ah, I was the one who handled the transaction with that metallic
slab. Well, myself and the local factor, who vouched for its authenticity. That
was no problem. We've had some of these Clispians before and knew where to set
up the billing to. But it very definitely was not a woman who traded it in, but
a young man. Odd, that. He knew our procedures fairly well, but seemed, ah, a
bit unsure of himself about the tablet itself. But no matter. It's a
bearer-security, and the account has been an honorable one. They pay their
bills."
Kham asked,
"You are sure it was a young man? After all, identities can be
disguised."
"The
person who came to me . . . Wait, I'll describe him to you. Then you can see if
this is your friend. He was not tall, but slender, a little nervous. A straight
nose, large eyes, a well-formed mouth. Delicate, like a girl in a way, but he
didn't move like a woman, if you understand my meaning. No beard or mustache;
as a fact, I couldn't see any trace of one. Didn't look depilated. Rather long
hair, shoulder length, loose and wavy, very dark, almost black. He had no
special mannerisms, except for a slight nervousness."
Palude
asked, "What language did he speak?"
"Same
one we speak now: Universal Semantic Reference System. Spoke it like a native,
too." Kham: "Voice?" "Definitely male, although I thought
rather young, or someone from
a late-maturing stock. That seemed
to fit the beardlessness. Oh, yes, he looked green and inexperienced, but he
also had something of the air of a small-time bravo with a woman stashed
somewhere."
Kham sat
back, puzzled. He glanced over at Arunda, and in her eyes he read the same
perplexity. He had given her a full description of the woman he had seen on the
beamliner, and in the descriptive system they used, she would have almost as
good an image in her mind as his, which was memory, and a trained one at that.
He remembered the girl well. And in no way did this person the bursar was
describing resemble that girl. Especially the nervousness. Kham remembered that
particularly vividly. The girl on the train had possessed an almost
supernatural, reptilian calm. And from what they knew about the Morphodite,
there was no possible way it could have Changed and retained its age.
Unless: unless the girl he had seen was just an ordinary person. Possible?
Still, what had happened to the one living in Clisp? He felt a powerful surge
of indecision, of the sense of an impending mistake of judgment so vast that it
could never be corrected from. He fought a panicky urge to throw his passage
vouchers down on the desk and bolt from the tent. They had been wrong from the
beginning] Then he went back over the ground he and Arunda had covered and
recovered a thousand times, waiting up in that castle, speaking with furtive
men who came by night, and spoke in whispers. He said, to the bursar,
"Well, it seems like we've missed something somewhere, but we're
reasonably certain that our friend is aboard."
"Could
be. This one bought an open-group ticket. You know, like a family plan. He
could have had friends with him. We were encouraging that procedure to make the
workload lighter."
"Yes,
of course. Well, we will go on and board, and see if we can find our
friend."
"I wish
you good fortune."
Kham
motioned to Palude to follow him, and left the tent. Outside, in the windy,
dusty open spaces under the bulk of the lighter, he said, "The only thing
I can figure is that our target is here. But somehow she's managed to
pick up a decoy."
Palude
sniffed, "Hm. Fine piece of work, to catch someone and then trust him
enough to handle that financial transaction. The value of that cartouche is
immense! It's pure platinum as well as I can tell, and in itself worth a
fortune."
"Maybe
he didn't understand that. Whoever he is, he seems to be a bit young."
"It's
possible. I have the image you painted for me, and I admit she must be rather
attractive, tall and good-looking, sure of herself, enough not to skulk. She
could do it."
Kham
gestured upward with his head, motioning to the metal bulk above them.
"She's up there, sure as the sea's salt. And I don't think we can hope to
find her before this thing lifts off and docks with the main ship. That will
hold a lot of people."
Arunda
nodded. "True. We've got less than a day to go through the lighter, and it
doesn't look feasible with just the two of us. But remember that the voyage
back to more settled space is a long one, even in a liner like Kalmia.
Not impossible. Just hard."
"You
know what bothers me?"
"No.
Speak of it."
"That
thing has an uncanny ability to move unnoticed right out in the open."
Arunda:
"Yes, that especially. A sneak I could deal with. But this open
invisibility ... that's scary. You know, if she's as attractive as you say,
that in itself could be a screen, too. And then of course she's got the
Art."
"True.
But we don't know how much she's using it. I think it's difficult and
time-consuming for her to perform one of those divinations, and she's using it
very little. I think that was her on the beamliner, and I think further
that I surprised her."
"But
you said she disappeared."
"That
can be explained by nothing more than a little fashionable paranoia, or extra
care, however you want it. From what we have managed to put together of that
thing's abilities, I feel reasonably certain that if she had known what I was,
I would never have seen her, and never returned from Lisagor on that last trip,
and . . ."
"And?"
"And we
have one advantage."
"Tell
me."
"She
doesn't know you. And I don't think she's sure of me, yet. But we know what she
looks like."
Arunda
reminded him, "We know what the one we think it is looks
like."
"Very
well."
"But
your argument has weight. I think she's in there, too."
"Has to
be. Her mission has been long done here. And because the assassination squad
failed, she knows Oerlikon's not safe. She may just be moving for those reasons
alone."
Arunda said,
reflectively, "I follow it well enough. But mark, Cesar; she's got time
now to start asking questions and use her Art. We have to be more
careful now than we ever were before. And we won't have the freedom of movement
we had here."
"Oh
yes, a fine merry mess. But never you fear. We've still got a chance, and it
may be the best thing yet, having that thing locked up in a ship with us. At
least that narrows the range of the hunt."
"How
are you going to handle it? You know you can't kill it aboard and get away
clean."
"We'll
identify it, and then transmit ahead for help. Sooner or later we can surround
it in a space small enough to control it." And as he said that, something
flickered through his mind about not killing the Morphodite, but capturing it
and harnessing its vast incomprehensible powers. That was very tempting. And,
as Cesar Kham saw it, within the realm of possibility. Only they had to be
careful; they walked on eggshells and razors, and below that lay the descent
into hell unimaginable. He shook his head. Yes, tempting, but the price of
failure. Consider the price of failure.
Nazarine had not slept, but she
awakened. She could remember every moment, every hour, every motion of the
lighter, but distantly, as if the reality had been the dream. The instruction
program was completed. She now possessed a foreigner's grammar, rudiments of
rhetoric, and a basic vocabulary from which she could build. She sat up in the
bed, conscious suddenly of a backwash of fatigue. And of other things, too; the
passage of time.
She knew
more than language; she knew certain basic machine skills, how to speak to
machines. She reached, stroked a touchplate, absentmindedly, as if she had
done it all her life. She thought, And so I did, once, in another age, another
life. The questions she asked were simple: how much time has elapsed, and,
where are we now? The machine voice answered. She translated the unfamiliar
time system into Oerlikon divisions of the day, and was surprised at the
length of time she had been under. And the lighter had been late taking off,
and was having to chase the main ship around the planet, instead of going
direcdy there. But they were in initial approach already—the lighter pilot had
mainship in sight. She commanded, "Show surface of planet."
The screen
flickered, jumped, and then steadied as the proper sensor was selected. The
screen showed a watery, deep-blue world slowly turning beneath, a land mass
visible, curious and spiky in shape, the main body illuminated in soft morning
slants, and a spine of mountains cast in sharp relief far to the west. Dawn
among the peaks of the Serpentine. Clisp was yet in darkness. Swirls of
cloud shrouded the north country, and fish scales and curdled masses covered
the southeastern extension of the land, Zamor and the Pilontary Islands.
Simultaneous thoughts and emotions collided in her mind, making her eyes burn:
I am leainng a place where I was tormented and mutated into a thing, and ... I
am leaving the only home I can remember. In any event, never to return. Never.
She commanded the image to terminate. The screen went blank.
Nazarine
climbed down out of the bed and went to her luggage to find some better
clothing than the traveling clothes she had been living in aboard the
Rondinello. She selected a light knit gown, boots; the gown was a soft gray
and followed the lines of her body, moving with her. The bottom of it was loose
and fell to mid-calf. Over it she put on a darker gray felt half-tunic, very
loose, a sleeveless strip almost as long as the gown. She moved about,
experimentally. It had been an extravagance, hopelessly exotic for Oerlikon,
but here, among all these strange people . . . She leaned over the bed and
touched the commplate again, commanding the screen to show her typical female clothing
of the times: the screen illuminated and displayed a series of images of women,
of all ages, shapes, races, and occupations. The variety bewildered her, but
also reassured her. There was here a variegated pattern she could hide within.
She asked the machine what was the suitability of what she wore. The machine
flashed STAND BY FOR HUMAN OPERATOR. And the scene shifted to an
unidentified space. A woman was there, older, thin, intense. Bushy gray hair,
coveralls and a loose jacket. Crew? The woman said brusquely, "Passenger.
You need assistance?"
Nazarine
said, "I'm a stranger to your ways. What is my clothing suitable
for?" The woman looked hard, offscreen, as if at another monitor, and
said,
after a moment, "Tasteful day
clothes for a rich man's mistress going on a long cruise. Are you?"
Nazarine
laughed. "No, to the first; maybe, to the second."
The woman
made a wry face. "Whatever. What do you want to do?"
"Feel
comfortable and not be particularly noticed."
"That
does it, although with your body you'll have a time being invisible. But a
nice choice. Nice stuff. Get it downworld?" "Yes."
"Local?" "Oh, yes. They don't have full trade yet."
"Hmf. Go on and wear it. It'll be all right." For a moment, the woman
stopped, as if she were finished.
But hesitated, and then added, "You're a local, from downworld?"
"Yes."
"On
your own?"
"More
or less."
"I
understand; stop there. Look me up after we secure, I'm on the crew roster:
Faren Kiricky, Structeering Section. I'll show you. Clothing is messages and
meaning. Going to stay with us?"
"I
think so."
"To
find a place? Fine. Look me up. I can at least keep you from making statements
about yourself that you may not want to be true.'" "I'll do it. I
need that." "Super. Call me then." And the screen blanked. And
Nazarine stood
back on the floor feeling very risky
and foolishly pleased with herself. What were the woman's motives for offering
her help? Charity? Simple? Complex? It didn't matter. She had dealt directly
with an offworld stranger, someone with no connection at all with the hidden
manipulators of her world. That one, Kiricky, was not hunting her. The
encounter had been totally ordinary. It was such a relief she laughed out loud.
She climbed
down out of the bed and stood for a moment, uncertainly. Something was
incomplete, but what was it? There was something she was supposed to do. What?
She shook her head, sending her hair flying. Something was wrong. She stopped
herself dead, centering. Where was she? On the lighter, moving to docking with
the starship Kalmia. She had spoken with a woman of the crew, Faren
Kiricky. There was where the wrongness was. But what about it was wrong? She
cocked her head, disturbed. Gods, I'm slow1. She had
spoken with Faren, in Faren's language. That was what was wrong. She had felt
the idea and spoke it. Simple basic everyday language, but it had come without
thinking. She was thinking in it now. She could see the holes in its continuum
where there were words and concepts she didn't know.
Nazarine
pulled down one of the little foldout seats and sat wearily on it, putting her
head in her hands. A fit of dread and fear washed over her, icy cold along her
back, which was suddenly damp with sweat. Her hands were wet, too. She
suppressed a sudden nervous urge to urinate. She looked up, at the blank and
silent walls of the machine she was riding, to an unknown destination. She
remembered Oerlikon.
What did
that goddam machine do to me?! She felt tears of anger flush her
eyes. I gave myself to that incredible unknown mechanism, and the damn thing
even gave me words to curse with. What else did it give me, and what has it
taken away? Yes, gave myself, guessing, just like I gave myself to Cinoe.
Unknowns there, too.
She got up
and went to her baggage, from which she extracted a common paper tablet and a
pen, and she began working furiously, sketching in the outlines of a reading of
the oracle, finding that it somehow went differently. Harder some ways,
easier, others. It was subtle, but the way she handled it was different. She
was doing a general reading of the environment around herself, with herself
and two knowns, Cinoe and Faren, and an unqualified unknown who was the one, or
group, who had sent terrorists against Phaedrus. Some of the operations she had
to stop and reach for, hard, wincing at the memory that in some ways this was
harder than when she had first tried reading as Damistofia. But it came
to her. She remembered, and the operations began to flow smoothly, building to
their conclusion. Nazarine sat back and looked at the diagram she had made,
which she understood now resembled an ideogram of an ancient language, Chinese,
only fantastically more detailed. Where in the Chinese, there had been a
single line, in this there were scores of finger lines. It was as if the
Chinese characters were blurred-out and overprinted blotches of her oracular
answers. And of course, her ideograms were complete sequences, not just single
word units.
This oracle
said: Protective coloration. Change guides; your old one has lost the way.
You will have to lead him. Danger is present, but ineffective, as long as you
move in shadow. Remain firm in course. On the way. Attempt no attack—this line
is now too fragile. You cannot change it without affecting yourself. '
She looked
up and sighed deeply. She had been completely oblivious of time, and wondered
how much time had elapsed while she had been reading. But she knew one
thing about her system that this exercise had taught her: it was a great deal
more sensitive to subtleties. The finer focusing came a lot easier. She could
still sense the upper range of it, but now she saw that as just the beginnings
of the whole system. She could now ask for and do a lot more finely focused
things. She breathed deeply, relieved. Her hands were dry.
Nazarine
looked up at the bed, absently, and felt a short, small, sharp motion in the
lighter. There was a distant, muffled, mechanical bumping, which did not alarm
her. The lighter was docked. She was a part of the world of Kalmia now.
12
"Power
is always relative—appropriate. In the conventional sense, one who is a power
in one eninronment loses that power in changing to a different surround. Few
change willingly; they are usually changed by others who arrange shifts to make
this lessening possible. Is it any wonder change is a fearsome thing?"
—H.C.,
Atropine
DURING THE WAIT after
boarding, and during the trip up world From Oerlikon to Kalmia, Kham and
Palude had separated and circulated quietly among the passengers and open
spaces of the lighter, hoping to catch a glimpse of a tall girl-woman whose
image they both carried in their heads. Kham himself saw a couple who might
have been, but on discreet closer inspection proved to be different from the
one sighting he had had of the girl on the train. One in particular had her
height and general bearing, color hair, and smoothness of face, but when he saw
her from the front, any resemblance vanished; this girl had a long, equine face
and a nose that was distinctive in that there was no indention of the brow
line. His target had a rounder face, and a rather small nose. The other lacked
the body, although she was graceful and willowy. Too slender.
As agreed,
he met Arunda Palude by the exit ramp as they were nearing docking. He said,
without gesture, "I had no luck. You?" "Nothing. Although
there's no shortage of smallish men with delicate features, girlish."
"Spacers
of the commercial variety. Travelers. Bad fortune, that we never saw him and
only had a fragmentary description to go on. Could be anyone."
"Why so many like
that?" "Agility, precision, fine-detail work. That's the sort you see
in this kind of travel. Not like what we're used to."
"She couldn't
possibly know what she was doing when she picked him." "Couldn't she?
What if she's recovered Jedily Tulilly? What if she's used her Art to
see beyond Oerlikon?"
Arunda
looked off at the wall for a moment. "You're assuming the worst, which is
good tactical thinking, but which may not be true. I have another explanation,
which will do almost as well: the attack that failed alerted it enough so that
it knows it has to get offworld. It's moving blind. Cautious, sighted in part
through its oracle, but nothing more. And some luck on its side. That won't run
forever, and it's in our world now, not us in its world. Sooner or later it
will have to move, and it will become visible. Then we can deal with it."
"Possible.
Either way. But we'll get one more shot here in the lighter, here, by the exit
ramp. After that, we've got a larger environment to search."
Palude did
not seem worried. "And more time to look for it in. Here, it could hide
somewhere, but there it will have to move eventually."
"It's
seen me. If it sees me again . . ."
"I
know. That means I do most of the looking."
"Not
the way you think. You'll do the close work. But I'll be working, too."
"We don't have people on Kalmia?" "Doubt it. Almost
surely not." There was a small movement of the lighter, followed by a
short vi
bration, and then silence. Far off
down the corridor they could hear announcements being made through the PA
system, and while they were waiting, a crewmember, wearing a plain gray
coverall marked only by a horizontal color strip above the left breast,
approached them. He looked them over, and then made a visual inspection of the
telltales, before unsealing. Apparently everything was in order, for he
reached into a recessed panel and operated the switches that would activate the
door. Behind him, the corridor was filling with people, none walking hurriedly,
more drifting along in the general direction, most of them carrying bundles,
some larger, some smaller.
For a time,
they were able to wait by the door, but eventually the movement of the people
created a small bottleneck, and one of the crew asked them politely but firmly
to move along, and at a glance from Kham, Arunda complied. They entered the
Kalmia, which at least by the entry seemed not greatly different from the
lighter that serviced it. A long, dim corridor, unbroken and gently curving,
unrelieved by side openings, windows, vents, or wickets.
They walked
slowly along the corridor, and Kham said, "We only had one shot at it back
there. Best to move on. We don't want to attract any attention. Not until I've
had a chance to feel out the security officer."
"Where
do you think it is?"
Kham
gestured over his shoulder. "Back there. It'll be one of the last out. If
this runway was straight and we could stop and look, we could probably see it
now."
"Why
don't we wait here?"
"Under
observation."
"Then
we've got the whole ship to go through."
"Right."
"Then
we'd better get settled and get on with it."
Kham nodded,
dolefully. He had an idea how difficult it was going to be, aboard a ship the
size of Kalmia. "Right. Soon as we do get settled, I want you to
relax, concentrate, and do a reading, see what you get."
Nazarine knew they were docked, but
she composed herself and waited. She knew Cinoe had to come back here before he
went on to the main ship, and she thought it would be better to wait for him,
although she knew very well now, from her session with the teaching machine,
that she could very well go on alone. No. Let this develop as it mil.
It seemed a
long time after they docked, but eventually he knocked at the door, and then
tried it. He said, "I thought you might have gone on."
Now he spoke
in the language of the offworlders, which to Nazarine's ear, although sensible
and comprehensible, sounded harsh and clipped, congested with consonants. She
answered him in the same speech, "No. I waited."
"Do you still want to share a
room?" "I don't know. I realized from the machine how little I know.
I will have to have a lot more. I suppose they have such devices aboard."
"Yes. That one, like on this lighter, is just the rudiments. You can tie
into the mainship's computer to get the rest of it."
"I feel
like a fleischbaum gatherer in the city for the first time."
Cinoe stood
back and looked at Nazarine carefully. "You certainly don't look like
one."
She almost
told him of her conversation with the crewmember, but she didn't. She said,
"What do I seem like to you? I bought some clothes to travel in, but I
don't know how these people present themselves."
Cinoe
laughed, but there was a slight uneasiness in it. "What you have is fine.
Very good taste."
"We are
by no means bumpkins in Clisp."
"Yes,
just so. Well, you will have to excuse me; the way I must go involves no
frills. I get three meals a day and a place to sleep, and the good fortune to
have a ride back to civilization. Otherwise, it's much the same as on the
Rondinelb. Except, of course, the heat. We won't be cold again."
She smiled.
"Yes, the heat. I thought I would never get warm again."
"Nor I.
But we seem to recover fast."
"Yes."
He
hesitated, and then ventured, "You understand that if you remain with me,
we'll go into the steerage dormitory, with the rest of us refugees."
She said,
thoughtfully, "I'm not a refugee. I'm a spy, remember?"
"Yes.
With an unlimited expense account underwritten by the Prince of Clisp. Well,
down there it's pretty plain and not a lot of privacy. . . ." "You
could come with me. . . ." For a long moment, she saw indecision reflected
in Cinoe's face, in his
body movements. Then she saw the
change in him: he decided. "Might be better for us both if I didn't. Of
course, we're not prisoners down there—we have the run of the ship. There's a
lot here; has to be. This kind of ship does some pretty long runs. Months,
sometimes years. So everything is here. . . ."
She sensed
that he was looking for a graceful way to leave her. Why? She said, "I
suppose you'll want to spend a lot of time with people you haven't seen in
years."
"I've
already met several I knew before. All have amazing tales to tell. There were
some events in Marula!"
"Yes. I
have heard some, from our side."
"And
you will need to move around, learn, study. And do whatever things you must
do."
"Yes.
But we could still meet."
"I'd
like that."
"I
would also." She picked up her bags. "Come on. They'll lock us out
here in the lighter."
Cinoe
laughed, "Already you're learning to be civilized and be in a hurry."
Nazarine
flashed him a quick, sharp glance, and let it go. It angered her that he would
toss that off so easily. Uncivilized, was she? She had felt a dull pain in her
chest at the thought of losing someone with whom she had been in love, with
whom she had made love, yielded up everything, held nothing back, but that
revelation from him blunted it a great deal, and restored some of the simmering
anger she had almost forgotten. Of course, it didn't make up all the
difference, but she thought she could live with what she had to live with. And
she caught herself smiling, and thinking with some of the corrosive cynicism of
Rael, from long ago, You aren't here to rub bellies with prettymens, you're
here to visit some of these people with fire and sword and worse. Like microsurgery.
She tossed her head, sending the gold-brown curls flying. "Come on."
And she set off out of the room, into the corridor toward the gate, walking
with a confidence she did not really feel, but she knew that would come in its
own time. Cinoe followed, not saying anything, as if he knew he had already
said too much.
When they
had traversed the long corridor into the ship proper, they came at last to a
long counter where accommodations were assigned. Cinoe went first, identified
himself, and was assigned a place in steerage with a minimum of comment. The
officer handling the assignments motioned him toward a group waiting toward
the end of the counter. When Nazarine's turn came, she presented her credit
voucher and asked what was available. It turned out that the Kalmia was
somewhat crowded, more so than usual, but some places were still left, and so
she settled eventually for a single room, with its own entertainment connection
and a separate recreation room. The cost of it caused her to swallow hard, but
she signed the voucher and the officer handed her a packet containing a chart
of the ship and where she could find various things, including her rooms.
She
approached the group Cinoe had joined. They were all silent now, not chattering
as they had on the lighter. She said, "I will tell you my room
number."
He shrugged.
"No need. You can query through the shipmind. It'll tell you, unless you
pay extra for unlisted registry." She shook her head. "Too much
already. No, I am listed as myself. Nazarine Florissante Alea, native of
Oerlikon."
"I am
listed as Cinoe Dzholin, as you know."
"I'll
call you."
"Please
do. I'll wait."
At that
moment, a porter appeared from a side passage, and picked up her bags. This one
wore a crew uniform, and asked her what her number was. The porter was a girl,
stocky and solid, but graceful and smoothly economical of movement. She didn't
even acknowledge the presence of the group of refugees. "What apartment,
Serra?"
Nazarine
hesitated a moment, looking uncertainly at Cinoe, who had turned his attention
to a girl in the group and was talking with her. "Four-Q-two."
The portress
nodded. "Right along. Up the lift and along the slide. Good choice. Come
along. Won't be but a minute." She hefted the bags and set off down an
adjoining passageway, not looking back. Nazarine looked back once, and then
followed the girl, who strode along purposefully, looking neither left nor
right.
Up to this
point, everything she had seen had been more or less like things on Oerlikon.
Now was when she began to feel the strangeness of the environment she had
launched herself into. The portress went a short way along the passageway, and
turned at a set of double doors in the wall. The girl said, to the doors,
"Open," and they did. On nothing. A shaft, full of a curdled milky
radiance. The girl waited for Nazarine to catch up with her, and then stepped
off into the nothingness of the shaft, calling out, "Q." She fell upward.
Nazarine followed her, stepping off into the lights. Nothing happened. She hung
in space, supported somehow although she didn't feel that she was standing on
anything. After a moment, she said, "Q," with a resolve she didn't
feel at that moment. Then she began moving upward. Eventually she stopped at
an open door, where the girl was waiting for her with a bored expression on her
face.
She stepped
out of the lift, not aware of having traversed any great distance. The girl
said, "A short walk now, and we'll transition to section four. That's a
slideway, but it's a fast one."
"Do I
need to pay attention to how we are going?"
The girl
looked around, and said, over her shoulder, "Good question, Serra, for a
newcomer." "Do I look it?" She shrugged. "They all do. Look
scared to death. Never worry. Ship doesn't bite."
"How do
you find your way?"
"Oh,
that. These are service runs. You'll never see these again, likely. They gave
you a map?"
"Yes."
"Spend
the next day shiptime studying it. If you get lost, in the passenger section
there are commpoints all along the walls. Just use one. Say, 'Where in the
bloody hell am 1?' and it'll tell you straight off, it will.
Then venture out as much as you can,
get a feel for it. It's a long run to
next halt."
"Is
this that isolated?"
"You
wouldn't believe. . . . The Jefe-Maximo heard there'd been trouble here and
diverted for it. Plenty of money in those rescue billings, he says. Otherwise
we'd have transited straight across. Stop in the middle like this and the
time's quadrupled. Passengers don't care— they don't pay by the light, but by
mapcoords."
"Explain."
"The
space the ship moves in is like a diagram of realspace, except that the
distances in transspace don't always match. What's a light in real might be a
cent, trans. And vice versa. This place is in the middle of a hole. Nothing
there. Long in real, long in trans, both. Funny place, that way."
The girl now
shifted through an oval opening onto a tubular passage whose floor seemed
unstable, not there. She stepped onto the "floor" and was whisked
off. Nazarine followed.
After
several more arcane routes and traverses along floors that weren't floors, and
passageways that seemed to go nowhere, they emerged through an ordinary
push-door onto a balcony, overlooking an enormous open space which Nazarine
first failed to grasp. She had to stop and get her bearings.
She was on a
balcony or walkway, floored with ceramic tile in subtle geometric patterns,
with a rail, which overlooked an immense atrium or park or vivarium. She
couldn't tell. Down there, somewhere far below, was a forest, or a park, or a
city. She couldn't tell. She saw what looked like trees, interspersed with low
buildings and parklands. She could tell there was another side, somewhere far
off, but she couldn't make out details. It was dim. All she could make out were
strings of lights.
They passed
one door, stopped at the second. The girl said, "Put your hand flat, palm
down on the plate." Nazarine did so. The door opened, swinging inward
silently.
The room was
modest, quiet, low-ceilinged. There was a single large bed, a sunken area with
a lot of cushions, and another door leading off to the side. The girl followed
her eyes, and said, "Bath there." She went in, and saw another door
on the other side. "Study cubicle." The portress set the bags down,
and paused.
Nazarine
handed the girl some of the money she'd changed down below, with Cinoe's help.
The girl looked at it for a moment, and then fished in a pocket and handed
Nazarine some change back, "Too much the first time. I'm honest."
"May I
ask your name? I may have to ask for you again. I don't know many people here,
and there are some things I need to do. . . ."
"Esme
Szilishch. But you probably won't see me anymore."
"But
could I ask, if 1 need to ask something? This is my first trip."
"Urn.
You grow up down there?"
"Yes."
"Call
if you like. Got someone?"
Nazarine
stopped, unsure of herself, and of offworld manners. She said, uncertainly,
"I had. Not sure so much now."
Esme nodded,
as if thinking to herself. She looked up, spoke with an odd directness.
"Plenty of time to find someone. But I'll help if you like." She made
a short little curtsey, which caught Nazarine a little off guard, and left. Now
she was alone, in her own place. First, I need to sleep, she thought,
and began pulling clothes off, all the time looking at the large bed, which
looked more inviting by the second.
Sometime much later, she woke up,
and for the first time in what seemed like months, her mind was clear. She
turned on the lights and began looking. She didn't move from the bed. The room
was surprisingly large, larger than the rooms of most houses she had seen, and
larger than some of the rooms in the palace she had seen when she had been
Phaedrus. But low-ceilinged. She guessed she could stand and stretch and touch
the ceiling with palms flattened. There were no windows, real or imitation,
nor were there any sort of decorations on the walls. Bath there, on her
left, Study cubicle there, on her right. She nodded. All seemed
correct. Now to explore.
After
dressing in the same clothes she had worn before, she went through the
information packet carefully. Her fare included room service, which was
handled by an automatic dumbwaiter, and so she ordered breakfast. All of it was
slightly odd, but there were fruits and cereals and something like meat, and so
she ate it. They had no hagdrupe, which she recalled Rael being fond of, but
they had coffee, which was a bit better, and she ordered a pot of it. Then she
began reading in earnest, puzzling over odd phrases which made no sense to her.
That was the most curious, puzzling aspect of the robolearning she had taken:
when she came to a word she didn't know, her mind refused to recognize it. It
looked meaningless. She had to stare at it a long time. But time she had, and
she worked at it until most of them did make sense. She found out this class of
room also had a complement of clothing for the convenience of travelers, who
might have to spend months aboard. Already sized from holograms taken of her
during entry. Standard stuff in basic cuts, but it would certainly do. She
thought back to the price of the fare and smiled to herself. Perhaps it would
be worth it after all.
Then she
began unraveling the map of the ship, which was rendered in a highly abstract
manner that revealed nothing of the shape of the ship or its size. But it made
considerable sense, once she began to understand it, and was able to locate
her own quarters, which she felt was a real accomplishment. The one thing that
puzzled her was that she couldn't find the access ways Esme had taken her
through. Well, natural enough. They wouldn't want mere passengers wandering
around, but she bet that the ship was riddled with them, and she made herself a
promise to look further into that. She might have to use them.
She also found out how to use the
comm facilities in the room, and with some anticipation she touched the
commpoint, querying the ship. A short buzz from the speaker beside the bed, and
a neutral male
voice said,
"Ready" She said, "Reference Passenger Cinoe Dzholin, location
and call-code."
The speaker
produced a time marker, a soft repeating bass pulse, and then said,
"Passenger Cinoe Dzholin ten Sub D barracks five bay sixteen zero delta
zero five one six." Then the tone ended. She punched this number through a
small touch keyboard and waited for someone to answer. It seemed a long time,
but finally someone did answer.
"Sixteen."
"Cinoe
Dzholin, please."
"Wait
.. . not here."
"Did he
leave a message?"
"No."
"Thank
you." She wrote the number down, but sat back now, pondering. Well. I
couldn't expect that he'd always be there. It must be a dreary place, down
there, with the whole ship to wander around in. She touched the query
button again.
Buzz, then,
"Ready."
"Contact
reference, Crew Faren Kiricky."
"Crew
freetime now, two alpha delta five one six."
Nazarine
coded in the number, and presently a woman's voice answered,
"Kiricky." The voice was neutral, efficient. No more. She said,
"Nazarine Alea. I'm the girl who got contact with you on the
lighter."
"I
remember." It was short, but the voice warmed, became more personable.
"Are
you free? If it's not a bother, I'd like to ask to meet you."
"Free?
Yes, a couple of shipdays, and after that a tenday of standbys, where I'm free,
but on call, you know?" "I'd like to ask some .. . ah, guidance, if I
may." "Are you afraid of somebody?" "Is this line
secure?" "Reasonably." "I think somebody followed me
aboard. I need to learn to fade." "I understand. Yes, I think so.
Where are you?" "Four-Q-two." "Well! Who's paying the
rent?" "My employers, so to speak." "Well, I don't suppose
they have any other way to learn. Very well.
Go to your left, to the lift, and
then to level A. That will put you on the section-four concourse. Follow the
walk straight out into the concourse from the lift, until you come to a
diamond-shaped intersection. There's a small park there, and I'll see
you."
"When?"
"Start now. I'll be along." She broke the connection from the other
end.
From above, it had seemed vague and
blurred, but from what Nazarine kept thinking was the ground level, the
concourse resembled nothing in her experience. It was in part a public park,
and in part a commercial district of small shops, some offering everyday things,
others extremely exclusive. There were restaurants, bars, every sort of
entertainment. She had to admit she was impressed.
She had
waited for some time, and was thinking of giving up when Kiricky approached the
bench she was sitting on. Nazarine got up and greeted the woman. Faren Kiricky
in person looked different from the image on the screen. For one thing, her
hair was not gray, but a tightly curled mass of mixed black and silver. She was
slight in build, shorter than Nazarine, but not petite or small. The face was
sharp-featured, crisp and a little foxy, and there were laugh lines at the
corners of her eyes and fainter ones at the corners of her mouth. She wore
pants which were tight at the hip and loose and flowing at the bottoms, tan,
and a black turtleneck sweater.
They touched
hands briefly, and Nazarine said, "You don't look like I expected."
"What
did you expect?"
"Crew."
"And so
I am, when I'm on duty. Now I'm off, and I can be as much me as the rest of the
idle passengers."
The voice
was slightly roughened. Kiricky was not a young woman, but Nazarine could not
accurately guess her age. She said, "You've been in space some time."
Kiricky
nodded. "Most of my life, so it seems sometimes. Backwater planet, ran
away from home, stowed away, got caught, choice of prison or navy, much the
same. Took navy. Then the merchant service, and finally liners, like this.
This isn't the best pay, but it's probably the closest most of us will get to
the good life. All in all not bad. And I get to meet people sometimes who have
interesting stories to tell."
Nazarine
admired the brevity of the story. This woman had compressed her life into a
few scant sentences, and yet she sensed no hint of failure or regret. It
sounded rough, and she said so.
Faren
agreed, without resentment. "Truth there. I've seen some hard times, and
some scary ones, too. But some good ones, and those I enjoyed when I had
them."
"I had
some scary times, too."
"We
heard you had some kind of revolution downworld."
"Something
of that sort. I took employment with one of the surviving states, and so was
sent here. Now I find that I'm more at sea than I thought. I need to know what
kind of world I've walked into."
"You
mentioned someone following you."
"That,
too. I don't know who, but I'm sure someone is."
"Where
from? Downworld?"
"No.
Offworld."
"They
were there? What was going on down there?"
"Rightly,
I don't know. Something was going on, and it went all to pieces. I've been
shadowed since Clisp—the place I came from. I don't know where they come
from."
Kiricky
thought for a moment and then said, "Since you ask, I'll do what I can.
You were not as I expected, either. You look younger in person. But at least
you have enough sense to ask. Yes. I love a little intrigue."
"I need
to know values." This was not curiosity about manners, solely. From the
data she could get from the value system of these people, she could work that
into her system. Nazarine knew that the same idea that built and staffed
this spaceship and filled it with passengers also produced the sequence of
events that led to Oerlikon and the Morphodite.
Faren said,
"Come along. I'll show you some sights. We can talk along the way. I'll
tell you some things, and you can tell me a few as well. And if you've got an
enemy, maybe we can lose him or her." Faren glanced around and her face
shifted into an expression of sly but triumphant wickedness. Her eyes flashed
and she smiled easily, "When I was a bit more reckless than I am now, I
did a bit of smuggling, and if I may say so, did rather well at it. But I knew
then when to quit; I enjoyed the chase as much as I did the money. That's time
to quit."
Nazarine
raised her eyebrows in mock surprise, glancing upward and rolling her eyes as
if it had been more than she could stand, but she set off with Faren in the
direction the woman had indicated.
Faren asked,
"You're not offended?"
"Why
should I be?"
"I just
admitted a criminal habit, and a most demanding vice."
"I saw
some things down there, where I'm from, that make what you call vices seem to
be almost admirable virtures. Offended? I'm relieved."
Kiricky
nodded. "Just so. So now I'll risk offense one more time and tell you
something: you look young and empty-headed, but I sense something behind you
with depth. No, not a disguise. You're who you seem to be, all right, a scared
and mostly proper young lady with looks that would be stunning in the right
clothing. . . ."
Nazarine interrupted
Faren, "Or lack?" "Strategic lack," Faren corrected.
"And a wit, too. But you're hiding something."
For a
second, Nazarine's heart stopped dead. A wave of fear washed over her, falling
down from her shoulders through her legs. She actually felt faint. What had
Kiricky seen? How far?
Faren took
her arm gently, and continued on, walking through the concourse as if nothing
had happened. She leaned slightly toward Nazarine, and whispered
conspiratorially, "I don't see it, and I won't ask. Tell me what you will.
But you're not one of us yet, and you don't look like one of us, and if you
really want to fade, then there's some things we need to do. It's like
swimming. You jumped, fell, or were thrown in, and don't swim well or at all.
I'll show you how. Simple."
Nazarine
recovered, and said, "That would be fine. Why would you do that?"
"Curiosity. Boredom is the ever-present enemy. But more important,
a sense of relaxation and being able
to be myself without watching too closely. I know you mean me no harm.
No one, no matter how polished, would have been so direct. And so here we are,
a couple of girls idling our break away, strolling around the gardens, just as
if we were looking for a couple of pleasant and assertive fellows to have an
adventure with." Her eyes flashed and sparkled, and the mischievous
enthusiasm was so convincing that Nazarine actually thought Faren might do just
that. But Faren looked suddenly thoughtful, and said, in a lower tone,
"But we aren't, are we?"
Nazarine
shook her head. She said, "No. And we aren't really looking for those
assertive fellows, either, are we?"
Faren looked
off into the green distances, and said, barely audibly, "No. Not that now.
Maybe later. Maybe not. We'll gamble with the cards we have dealt to us."
13
"People fear war; people
fear iriolence and threat and economic
ruin and
disease. Also loss of status. They fear change, and lack
of change.
But most of all, they fear each other. All our loneliness
is self
made."
—H.C.,
Atropine
CESAR KHAM SAT in the side
street of a cafe, watching people passing by. This one was in the lower decks,
a concourse much like others placed throughout the ship. He imagined that the
others would be more tastefully arranged, larger, cleaner. But this one was
acceptable. He had seen much worse in Marula, although he had to admit that
public places in Clisp had more style. But they served their purpose—to give
people something to do while passing the long voyage times.
Kham was too
experienced to go rushing off to the upper decks, checking passing faces. Brute
force. Number crunching. Mass. He had a better idea than his quarry how big
this ship was. If he tried to look at random, with the procedures he could use
he could easily spend the whole voyage to the next port of call and never once
see her. He could easily move about; passengers were not generally restricted.
But for the present, he waited, felt out his environment, and waited. Now, he
had a little time. He wanted to think it through very carefully.
The girl's
name. That was key. If she used her own, or the one she traveled with. He
couldn't have asked the bursar for it, down below, because he wouldn't have
given it anyway. And besides, they'd have had him thrown out of the office.
Ship Security Sections were notorious for keeping incidents from happening.
They could deny passage to anyone they didn't want, and above all, they didn't
want trouble. More than one starship had been overrun by crazed passengers
whose hysteria had been ignited by a vendetta, or even an overzealous
Enforcement member. The large ships recognized no sovereignty save what their
captain and his troops could enforce at gunpoint: a legacy of the Times of Trouble.
He smiled faintly to himself. It was a notable problem.
Palude was
working another area, like this one a few decks up, casting a loose net to
catch rumors, just like him. He finished the coffee, left a charge chit on the
table, and got up to leave. He had already decided that contacting Ship
Security was not a feasible course. They'd laugh, whatever he thought up, and
say, "Your sectarian differences have no bearing on a Captain's Bond—to
ship passengers in safety." And if he told them the truth, they'd lock him
up in the brig and put him off at first port of call. He understood this was
delicate and probably foolish, but it was, after all, their last chance.
As he walked along, through the
crowds and the massed hum of conversations, he thought, There's got to be a
way. Aside from his/her abilities, she's had incredible luck and coincidence
all along the line, from Clisp on. Cesar Kham did not believe in luck, and
he never relied on it. More likely extreme caution on her part. And even
more so, now. She's vulnerable to identification, now, because she's too young
to run another identity/sex switch. But we know one valuable piece about her:
somewhere along the way she picked up a young buck, and he's here, too. And the
probability is high he doesn't know enough to keep silent. And so we cast a net
of ears. Only two pair, but might be enough. Kham was looking for a young
man with fine features, in with the refugees, hence, somewhere here or nearby,
who might recount something of what happened to him. Kham smiled wickedly to
himself. She trusted him with incredible value, to do a transaction for
her, knowing he would do it. She had had a hold on him. What? He thought he
could guess. And he wondered at that, how it would be to see the most ancient
human problem from either pole, both. And according to their information, it
had been sexually active: testimony on Rael, testimony on Damistofia, and their
own conclusions about Phaedrus. An irreverent thought crossed his mind and he
chuckled almost out loud over it: She must be an incredible lay. Make a man
call out for God. Trouble was, they had no direct testimony, no witnesses.
He added ruefully, Or else we made sure with our bumbling that there
weren't any.
There was an
open space nearby, a kind of park, in which some kind of entertainment was
taking place, and Kham allowed his walk to drift over that way. He couldn't
quite see what it was because a fair crowd had collected. Moving subtly through
the crowd, he managed to see what was happening; a troupe of tumblers was
performing. Presumably something put on by the ship, a diversion. Such things
were known on the larger ships that made the really long runs between major
terminal areas. This was a small group, three men and three woman, slender and
agile, working through graceful routines without music; they didn't seem to
need it. Kham admired their agility and timing, and in particular the supple
grace of the women, who moved effortlessly, sometimes seeming almost to float
in the air. A gravity grid? Possible, but he didn't think so. all wore pastel
skintights that concealed very little, but at the same time did not reveal
anything. As he watched the act, he also listened about him, to the noises of
the watchers, and to their random conversations. Most of it was about the
tumblers or related topics, or perhaps the attractiveness of the members of the
troupe. Kham agreed; they were all singularly attractive, if a bit exotic for
his tastes, although with their faces heavily made up in mime makeup, it was
nearly impossible to determine what stock they were.
The act
concluded, and after a discreet pause, those watching began applauding,
restrained in good taste, but with genuine enthusiasm. The members of the
troupe performed a little bow, repeated several times to different sides, and
then the group broke up, like little birds scattering, and they ran into the
audience, to mingle with the people who had been watching. Kham thought he understood.
Ship's whores, every one of them. For some who had watched, there would now
come an unforgettable experience—perhaps nothing more serious than an innocent
thrill of meeting one of these exotic creatures, and for others, as dictated by
circumstances, there would be something more serious, but equally entrancing.
He still listened carefully; the crowd was beginning to drift now, the center
of attention gone, except now for seeing who would meet whom.
". . . Heard of this before,
but never saw it." ".. . Tumas came down to Marula with us, but he
didn't show up one day and we never heard any more." ".. . I heard
they come from a place called Pintang; put on these shows all the time. Every
community has at least one troupe . . ."
". ..
Girl in blue . . ."
". . .
Bunch of crap, stopping off at that planet. No damn good—take forever . .
." ". . . Bring any locals out with you?" "Not in our
bunch." "Ours neither. Some tried, but we couldn't get any to
leave." "I guess they heard about the awful offworlders, poor
devils." "Guy in my cubicle had one, but she went off on her own. I
never
saw her, but Franko saw them down
below, said she was really nice."
Kham had
almost missed it, but now he listened more closely, straining with every ounce
of skill he knew to be invisible, just another unknown part of a random crowd.
The
conversation continued:
"...
had her own income, and went to a better section. He wanted to get loose of her
anyway, didn't want to be a tour guide to the known universe."
"That
rascal. He was like that, though."
"Right.
Get the sugar off before the bloom fades."
"Good
old Cinoe. Never changed. I guess he liked it down there."
"I
would have thought so, but he told me that they put too much into it for his
taste, got too involved. But you know it was the national pastime—having
affairs. Nothing like a light little one-nighter, you know, recreational sex,
something to make you sleep better."
"Better
than sleeping pills!"
"And as
habit-forming!"
"What's
that fellow doing? I haven't seen him since school."
"Didn't you see
him? He was across the way. Girl in dusty-orange was headed that way."
Number two looked about. "I don't see him now." "Oh, Mona. Did
you know him then?" "Oh, yah. Never forget Cinoe Dzholin. I always wanted
to have his
skill at catching them, but I guess
I always wanted to keep them too long. Maybe it shows, or something."
"Well, if he's that way, he's right on top of it, you know. You heard that
old song, 'Ya gotta get out before you get got out on.' " Number two laughed.
"Hadn't heard that one in a long time. 'Good old days' says it all. Wonder
how things have changed back there."
"Not
much, judging by the crew. Going back to Heliarcos?"
"Not
me. I'm going home and find a quiet place. I signed on for adventure, and I
had one. Shit, a revolution! Who'd have thought it!"
Then the two
who had been talking drifted on their separate ways, making small waves. Kham
allowed his steps to continue, but he really wasn't paying much attention to
where he was going at the moment. He tried to evaluate what he had overheard. A
false lead? He had heard a tale of a young man who brought a local girl on with
him, a girl with money of her own, and none of the others had managed to bring
locals with them from Oerlikon. The girl was allegedly attractive, and this
bunch was from Marula. And he had a name. Cinoe Dzholin. Across the park with a
harlequin. For a moment he hesitated, as if to strike out over there. Find a
slim girl in dusty-orange, and there he would be. But he thought better of it.
No. Not now. He could find out where Cinoe resided, and catch him there,
and then he'd find out what name the Morphodite was using, and then find her
through the ship's computer. If that was the one. Well, he still had to
follow it up, either way.
But before
he left the area entirely, he did turn back and circled back across the park,
slowly, inconspicuously, just to see if he could perhaps catch sight of
something. Nothing appeared to be out of order, nor did he catch sight of a
girl in dusty-orange. So Kham continued along that way, heading for an eventual
meeting with Arunda at one of their agreed-to places. He was early, but that
didn't matter.
Kham stopped
off at a kiosk and purchased a small brochure which told about the tumblers. He
read the text and looked at the pictures, confirming his suspicions. He smiled
to himself. It was part of the local religion, an honored role in that society.
In fact, so popular was the practice that they had too many of them and many
went to space, where they were welcomed on the ships. Dance and pick up
strangers; who knew why they did it? Who knew why anyone did anything? Kham
chuckled at that cynical reference to anthropology, and caught sight of one of
the tumblers walking alone by herself. In dusty-orange. She looked downcast,
disappointed and walked slowly.
On an
impulse, Kham got up and approached the girl. When he neared her she noticed
him and smiled, but weakly, and said, "Thank you, but of course it's too
late now. It has to be the one whose eyes catch yours during the
exercises."
Kham nodded
politely. "Let me extend my appreciation anyway. Your people put on a
fascinating display."
The girl
bowed slightly. "I understand."
He said,
"Perhaps we might meet again."
"Or
others. It is to be hoped."
"Indeed.
Forgive a stranger to your customs, but how do you know who to go to?"
"It is
part of the rite, a long process. We know what to look for, but of course these
things are not exact, and so you can't always judge. I made a wrong choice just
now. I understand and obey the will of 'Rizheong in this. By being refused I
know I have fault, and must correct myself. I go now to purify my
thoughts."
"You
were refused? A girl as lovely as you are, as graceful as a dancer?" She
looked down submissively. "To value the self too much, that is a
great error. But it must be true,
because when 1 went to him, his thoughts were not of me, but of a girl he had
left on her own. I sensed it, because we are trained in these things, and the
aim of desire. I asked him, because I must, and he told me. And now I must go,
and become corrected. The person of Cinoe Dzholin was surely motivated by
'Rizheong in this."
Kham asked,
masking his excitement, "May I ask for you?"
She looked
thoughtful, and then shook her head. "I think not. That would go against
the rite. We seek to eradicate the idea, that one human can possess another,
and if you asked for me, or I hoped to see you . . . I'm sure you
understand."
Kham nodded
and made a little bow. "I wish you the success of your rite, then. Perhaps
someday."
"Or
another. May the magic visit you, Ser."
Kham watched
her walk away. And went back to the bench, to await Palude. But he felt an
irrational sense of fortune riding with him now, of a thread growing into a
rope, a cable, a hawser, that would lead him straight to the Morphodite.
Now, now, he thought, hoping that his excitement didn't show.
But the time
came and went for Arunda to show up, and there was no sign of her. Kham
reasoned that she had gotten farther afield than she thought to, and was late.
In a way, that suited him well enough. Now was as good a time as any to check
things out. He got up, and began looking for a public comm terminal.
Nazarine and Faren walked through
the concourse aimlessly for a time, saying little of substance, watching each
other covertly, making small talk, mostly Faren pointing out the real value of
some of the things offered for sale in the little shops worked tastefully into
the landscaping of the parklike interior space. Large as it was, it was
carefully arranged to seem larger than it was; the distant enclosing walls of
the ship were kept in dim light, while the concourse itself seemed bright and
sunny; looking up or toward the horizon one expected, one only saw a dim suggestion
of shape. Or, during the nocturnal periods, banks of lights that seemed to
shimmer like distant city lights. The illusion was very strong that one was not
inside anything, but outside, under the stars or in ordinary
daylight.
They stopped
beside a wooded glade, which had an upper level of gracefully contorted trees
with smooth, gray fluted trunks and small, delicate leaves. There was an
intermediate level of smaller trees or shrubs with broad, glossy leaves and
brown, fibrous trunks, slender and twisted, almost like vines. The ground was
covered with several different kinds of mosslike plants. It was fenced off by
what looked like an ornamental iron fence, but along which were the telltale
probes of a repellent field.
Nazarine asked,
"What's in here?" "An enclosure for Lenosz. The landscaping, I
am told, is Old Earth Authentic; those are real trees and moss." Nazarine
peered into the shade, the denser parts. For the moment, she saw nothing.
"What's Lenosz?" Faren smiled archly. "It's just an animal. I
don't know where they came from originally."
"Dangerous?"
"Yes
and no. Mostly not. At least, in the conventional sense that we understand
danger from animals—nature red in tooth and claw, as it were. No, they are
quite gentle. Omnivores most of the time, not at all aggressive."
Something
gray moved in the forest and Nazarine looked that way, certain that nothing had
been there before. It moved again, tentatively and stood out more in the open,
and she saw it clearly: a Lenosz. It had four legs and a tail and gray fur, and
looked ordinary at first glance. Something doglike, perhaps. Everyone learned
the animals of early man. Except this was subtly different.
There are,
it had been said, certain outlines and shapes of things which terrify, or
disgust. These are ancient archetypes of ideas that never reach the verbal
level—childhood engrams shaped into resonance by thousands of generations, of
subtle reactions shared. Were that true, then the other pole would be true
also, that there would be shapes and outlines that stimulated other emotions,
longing, desire, admiration, affection. This was such a creature. On the
second look, it ceased to look doglike at all, but became something
supernatural. It ambled over toward the fence, approaching, until it wrinkled
its nose in distaste at the sensations the field transmitted, and there it sat
back on its haunches, looking elegant and idle, glancing first at Nazarine and
Faren, and then out of its cage into the concourse.
The Lenosz
had a long, tapered muzzle, delicate flap ears that drooped like a hound's, a
rather long neck. It was furred, the fur being so short and dense and soft it
looked like a second layer of skin. It was a living embodiment of the idea of
dogness raised to the tenth power of aesthetics and form. It made an ordinary
dog seem like a child's drawing by comparison, honest in form and function but
crude in execution. Nazarine said, "It's beautiful."
Faren
nodded. "That's the problem. They are very affectionate, and also either
intelligent or gifted mimics. And of course they are indeed beautiful. That's
the danger. They seem to form a symbiotic attachment with sapient life forms,
and eventually become parasitic. In short, people become too attached to
them."
"You
mean pets."
"The
practice was outlawed, and severe penalties were set out for possessing one.
The ones that were pets were gathered up, one by one, and put in enclosures
like this one. No one had the heart to kill any of them."
"Why?" "You own one,
you fall in love with it. Unlike other animals, it doesn't grow fat or ugly on
pampering, but becomes even more beautiful."
Nazarine
looked at the gray-furred creature across the fence, and it seemed to respond
to her attention. It looked back at her out of fathomless liquid brown eyes.
The soft fur seemed to be made expressly for touching. Sleek, gray,
streamlined. Nazarine looked away from the animal with an effort.
Faren said,
"On the planet where they were discovered, they found evidence of a high
sentient culture: houses, roads, some remains of machines, writing. Not much,
but enough to know something had been there. Native to that planet. All gone.
No war, no craters, no nothing. Just gone. And these creatures."
"Their
descendants."
She shook
her head. "No. These didn't originate on that planet. Their chemistry is
different, their DNA is different. Not that planet. Close enough so that they
can eat our food, and presumably their food, on that planet. They have a
special chemistry that enables them to ingest and use many different
substances. The explorers . . . the Lenosz were glad to see them, when they
came. It was much later that they understood what they had done on that world.
Somewhere a spacefaring people found them, and took them in, and they became
part of that people, and so much so that these people dwindled and died out.
Keeping Lenosz. Or so they think. There are all sorts of dangers."
"You showed me this
for a reason." Faren looked down at the ground for a moment, and then
directly at Nazarine. "Yes. The message is obvious enough, I think."
Nazarine
shook her head. "I don't need reminding."
"You
need learning that there are things out here you haven't even dreamed of, and
that some things can only be enjoyed at a distance, and then you must go on
about the things you must do. Those are our values. We'll start from
that. That thing's not dangerous: there's no record anywhere of one ever
attacking a human without extreme provocation, without clear and obvious
reason. You get one of those and take it home. It's clean, it learns and adapts
easily, it needs nothing of its own, and it responds to you. It's even a
comfortable size—about that of an adult human of small stature. You feed it,
breed it, take care of it."
"What
happens if you mistreat one?"
"They
make fast animals look like slow-motion. And it will protect you, too. But now
tell me of your danger."
"Someone,
I am sure, followed me on the ship."
"No
great problem. You simply lose yourself Does it know your name?"
"No, I
don't think so, yet. But I became involved with someone on the way here."
And in much abbreviated form, Nazarine sketched in an outline of her
adventure, and the present curious limbo it had gone into once on the ship.
Faren did not seem to be surprised.
After a
moment, she asked, "He never tried to call you?"
"No. I
tried to call him, but he wasn't there. Still no answer."
"So.
Wait here." Faren left the Lenosz enclosure and walked away a short
distance to a small, inconspicuous post set into the ground near some
shrubbery. She opened the upper part, and removed a device which expanded into
a headset, through which she spoke with someone or something. Then she put it
back, and returned to Nazarine. "That does that."
"What?"
"Now
you are carried on the ship's roll as an unlisted number. I hope it's not too
late. That will slow them down."
"What
about him?"
"Were
he going to come to you, he would have done so directly, or called you
immediately after boarding. You can follow that up, if you wish."
"I
know—never mind how—that he is not part of any operation against me."
"Doesn't
matter. You've got to cut the possible others off."
She gave
Faren the number she had for Cinoe's area. "Could he be in trouble?"
Faren said,
"If someone saw you with him, or tied you to him, they can get to you
through him. May be doing so now."
"How do
we know they haven't already?"
"Ship's
registry says no calls to your place, no queries logged. Are you certain they
are real?"
"They
tried to kill me once. They missed and I went into hiding. They will keep
trying."
"Why
are you such an important item?"
Nazarine
shook her head. "I know something ... or they think 1 know something. It
doesn't matter which way it really is."
Faren leaned
closer. "What do you know?"
The
intensity of her eyes was terrific. Nazarine could see nothing else. Faren's
eyes were a pale blue-green, almost gray. She came to a dead stop inside, and
then said, "Not all of it. I'm still working on it." She felt control
coming back. And she added, "What would you do if you knew? Sell me to
them?"
Faren
laughed, exposing even, perfect teeth. And the expression on her face softened
noticeably. "No, no. I might use it for myself, but I won't sell you to
anyone. That I promise. We are thieves and deceivers one and all, but we still
have some honor, we star-folk, whatever you think of us."
Nazarine
looked back directly at Faren, and said, "You may but these people don't.
They kill children even when they miss." Faren thought a moment, and then
said, "All right. Come along. We need to collect your friend and get him
out of the way for a while."
"How?
What are you going to do?"
"We'll
get him in a part of the ship where he isn't so easy to find. Won't hurt him at
all. And we'll also find out if he's been contacted. Then we'll know more what
to do."
"We're going
in the open?"
"Why
not? Don't worry, I know a few tricks of my own. But one way or the other,
we've got to get him out. And the way we're going will be just as fast. And
fast we need." She stopped a moment, and looked back at Nazarine.
"You're getting more complicated all the time."
She smiled in spite of herself. "You don't
seem to mind." Faren raised her eyebrows and glanced at the invisible
ceiling. Flick. Nazarine sensed it was a standard gesture. Faren said,
"Not yet, anyway."
Between the concourses of the ship,
the public areas, ran narrower public areas which were something more than
access tubes and something less than actual concourses. Illuminated signs hung
from the ceiling indicating routes to various areas, and various diversions
alternated with blank passages to make passage through them diversions in
themselves. In the first part of a flight, the new passengers walked around a
lot, finding various areas of interest, so now the number of passersby was
steady. By no means crowded, the ways were still reasonably full, and Arunda
Palude had spent a very tiring morning searching out faces. To no good result.
She hadn't even had the exercise of making a close match.
She stopped
for a time at a health-foods shop and purchased a sack of salted nuts and a
flask of mineral water which had a faint sulfurous odor and left a metallic
aftertaste of iron. She winced at the taste, and thought, Why is it that
everything good for you tastes so bad, and the stuff that tastes good is bad
for you or actually harmful? Now there's a mystery.
She took the flask outside into the
hallway and settled on a bench, glancing idly up and down, seeing a few people,
none of any particular interest. She had looked over the shipmaps carefully and
picked this area out as the goal of her first line of search; it was near a
junction of several other cross-lines, and one might expect to see more here
than just any place picked at random. But this hadn't seemed to work, either.
The density of people was not a great deal greater here than anywhere else. But
she was persevering and long-suffering, and so decided to stay for a bit and
watch before turning back. Rest in the afternoon, and then try again in the
night-cycle.
To pass the
time, she tried to fit professions to the people she watched passing; this was
all the harder because some were wearing the pastel shades and neutral styling
of shipwear, which conferred a certain anonymity to the wearer. These she
watched closely. Others wore what Arunda imagined to be approved local costume
appropriate to their station. Still others strode along with a jaunty
familiarity and an arrogance that suggested crew, some in various uniforms,
others in their own clothing. Yes. Far down the corridor she saw two women
walking along, not in a hurry, but not idling either. They were crew, for sure.
She looked away. She felt the hair on the nape of her neck prickle, a hot flash
across the shoulders, and a tingling along her back. She looked again. The pair
were much closer now and she could see them better. One was average height,
rather slender in build, and although attractive, bore some evidence of aging
and a hardened disposition on her face. That one's been rode hard and put up
wet. The other was taller and walked with a looser striding motion. The
taller one was barely a woman, more a girl. But God, she's tall. Arunda
looked very close at the tall girl. Long in the legs, well-filled-out at bust
and hip, but also trim. The face: small straight nose, large eyes, pale tan
coloration, loose curly brown hair. She walked along with the smaller woman,
holding back her natural stride to match her companion's. She wore a knit gray
dress, a darker gray vestlike overgarment, and soft gray boots. I see how I
almost missed her. An older crew and a younger, out on an adventure, that's
precisely what they look like. The older woman wore smooth tan pants and a
black turtleneck sweater, but despite the difference in type, they both cast
the same impression. How does she, it, do it? She can't have known that woman
more than a day, and yet they look part of the same environment, and knew each
other well. That thing's got abilities we don't know anything about. She
found the thought chilling; they knew from briefings and various reports some
of the abilities of the Morphodite, and as they were, they were bad enough.
But to have a chameleon's gift of background mimicry, that bothered her more. That
thing's damn near invisible. She had guessed about clothing and come up
right.
Palude did
not rise and follow them, but watched them carefully out of the corner of her
eye as they passed her, and turned off onto an access ramp leading downward to
Concourse Area One. She evaluated what she could see of the two and decided she
did not want to risk identification. Even though the Morphodite was reported
to be rare to use violence, it certainly had the abilities, and the other
woman, the crew, looked capable enough on her own. They could be formidable if
confronted. She reasoned correctly that at least she needed to inform Cesar
and get confirmation of identity before going farther. Yes. That tall girl
matched the ID coordinates Cesar had given her.
Palude noted
that they had gone into the express access tube, and she knew there was no
faster way she could use, but she got up and set off purposefully, getting into
full stride and pushing it, going back the way she had come. She thought,
The girl doesn't know Cesar yet. She's only seen him once, and knew nothing
then. But if she sees him again, she'll know. And then it'll hit the fan for
sure. I know they're not looking for him or me, yet. Yet. She repeated that
word to herself. She had already decided, she realized, that she did not want
to have the Morphodite looking for her. Oh, no. No way at all. And then she
thought, But they're going down there for some purpose. What? She
increased her pace until it began to hurt very slightly in her thighs.
14
"A
crisis is the definition of a situation in which you know what you have to do,
but you hesitated to do it and so lost control of events. One takes sensible
and reasonable precautions, but if action is needed to head off negative
patterns, that's the best cure for it. Because no matter how much talk you hear
about good intentions and positive attitudes, some still do cruel evils, and
nowhere, in no law or philosophy, does it state that one is required to be a
victim."
—H.C.,
Atropine
KHAM COT THE listing for
Cinoe Dzholin easily enough. As a fact, it was close by his own, and easy
enough to check. He didn't expect to find the fellow in, but he could wait for
him. He didn't have a clear idea of who he was looking for, just a general and
vague description, but he trusted enough in his reflexes to pull it off.
Trust to proven tactics! First, meet him, then attain temporary confidence,
and then, in a quiet place, some discreet questions, with persuasion as
required. Here, Kham felt back in an environment, a situation, in which he
could trust his own reflexes. His quarry now was no changeling Morphodite, with
the ability to see him coming, or suggested skills in defense. Oh, no. Lisak
or operative, Kham felt certain of himself. He flexed his fingers as he
walked, moving swiftly and covering distance without seeming to do so.
It didn't
take Kham long to arrive in the section he wanted. This section had what they
called bays, which housed ten men or women each, all connected by a staggered
hallway, strung along like peas on a pod. Ahead, he saw a young man using one
of the public comm terminals, or more correctly, finishing using one. The young
man turned away from the commpoint and started toward the room Kham was headed
for. This one matched the description from downside. On an impulse, Kham approached,
cutting him off before he went in. He said, "Cinoe Dzholin?"
The young man
answered, "Yes." Guarded, but not suspicious. Kham felt good. This
one knew little.
Kham said,
"I am Cesar Kham. Does that name mean anything to you?"
He
hesitated. Then, "Yes. Oerlikon. I've heard of you."
He looked
now both impressed and a little apprehensive. Yes, it was certain he'd heard of
Cesar Kham. After a moment, the young man added, "I thought you had gone
back."
"I did.
But there was some unfinished business on Oerlikon, and so I had to come back.
And now there is another matter I must follow up, and I ask to speak with you
for a bit."
"Go
ahead."
"Not
here. A more private place."
Cinoe looked
around, as if getting his bearings, "There's a cohab lounge down the hall.
Place where strangers can meet and ... you know. We find an empty one, lock it,
and it's pretty private, so the ship's brochure claims."
"Lead
the way, then." They went onward along the passageway, plain gray,
unrelieved by decoration or suggestion of functional shipform. At the end of
the passage were several doors, all closed, with a red and a green light over
each. One showed green. The remainder were red. Cinoe laughed a little
nervously. "I didn't expect they'd be so full this time of day." He
pushed open the green-marked doorway, and went in, Kham following. Inside, there
was a spartan little room, with some soft chairs, a severely efficient bath,
and a fold-down bed, still in its wall cubby. Cinoe locked the door. He turned
around. "Very well. Private. Ask on."
Before
speaking, Kham observed the young man closely. Dark, loose hair, almost black,
worn long. A thin, straight nose, small mouth, a little slack and sensual.
Deepset eyes. He looked girlishly delicate, slender in build. Kham decided to
come to the point. "You came on board with a woman. I need to know her name.
We need to ask her some questions."
A shadow
passed over Dzholin's face, something too short to be an expression. Just the
shadow of one. He said, "What for? She's not one of us."
Kham
thought, Aha, he wants to fence a little. Very well. "Then you acknowledge
my allegation?" "Yes .. . To my knowledge, she is not one of us, but
a native. I tested her." "How?"
"Speech.
She didn't react at all to our speech."
"Well,
that's true enough. She's definitely not one of us."
For a time,
there was silence, which Cinoe felt as a pressure to say something. "What
do you want her for?"
"You
don't need to know, but I'll tell you part of it. She possesses some very
dangerous knowledge, and we need to find out how she got it."
"She
said she was a spy for Clisp."
"We
know that she is that, in part. She is something much more. Her name!"
"Oerlikon is finished. The project is over. I don't see what use this
is." "Let me tell you something. I came back here for the sole
purpose of
tracking her down, and you are the only
thing that stands between me and her now. But excuse my manners. Let me advise
you that you protect something dangerous to a degree you cannot imagine."
Kham knew as
soon as he'd said it that it had been the wrong move. Cinoe's face registered
disbelief, confidence. Amazing! The fool actually thought he could talk his
way out of this. He might even take a poke at me.
Cinoe said,
after a moment, "She's not dangerous. She's just a woman, no, a girl.
You've got the wrong one."
"How do
you know that?"
He said,
defiantly, "I slept with her, that's what."
Kham barked
out, derisively, "Are you fool enough to think you can understand a woman
from between her legs?" "It's not like that. She's not the one you're
looking for. This girl is green as grass. I know the difference."
Kham shook
his head. "There's a lot more I could tell you, but it's just not the best
thing. Let me contact her. I'll decide. I know what I'm looking for."
"What are you looking for, Ser
Kham?" "A destroyer of worlds who is on the way right now to turn
loose the apocalypse in our own system of worlds." Cinoe turned a little,
tense, but he shrugged. "Wouldn't do you any good to know it. I tried to
contact her. She's unlisted herself."
Boseldung!, Kham
thought. Already alerted somehow! How does the bitch do it? He said
patiently, "I can take care of that problem. But I need a name."
Cinoe said,
"I know the law and custom. Your authority doesn't pass between worlds.
Only back there, and that's finished. Go Captain's-Mast with me, and I'll tell
you."
More delays,
and even now she's somehow gotten alerted. DammitI And this moonstruck smartass
wants to play legal games. He said, "I don't have time anymore for
games. Give me her name and let's put an end to this. What passed between you
and her, that's your business. This is mine."
Kham saw him
tense and began his motion countering by reflex, before the blow actually
started. Cinoe aimed a quick, hard jab at Kham's head, but it never connected.
Kham was already moving backwards, thinking, Fool again! Punching to hurt or
warn off! He hadn't been in position to disable or kill, and that was, to
Kham's mind, the only possible motivation for violence. He fell back, grasping
the fist that had come at him and pulling toward him. A simplistic maneuver,
but it worked like a textbook exercise. Cinoe, off-balance from throwing the
blow, fell forward onto Kham and before he could grasp the older man, Kham
threw him neatly into the corner, where he landed with the sound of meat
against something solid. Kham recovered his balance and faced Cinoe, partly
crouching, arms wide, hands loose, betraying no identifiable skill save
readiness.
But the
stance was unnecessary, for Cinoe wasn't moving very well. His face was twisted
with pain, gray, perspiring, mouth working. The boy's arm was at an odd angle,
and his shoulder looked lumpy, distorted. Kham looked incredulously.
Dislocated shoulder, maybe a compound fracture with it. Kham shook his
head at what he must do now.
He
approached Cinoe slowly, measuring his steps. When he was at the proper
distance and angle, he reached forward in a blur of motion and, grasped Cinoe
before he could resist, and made a series of curious motions about the
shoulder. He felt the ball reset in its socket, but the boy had fainted. Kham
revived him. "Now, the name!"
The boy
reached with his good arm and began throttling Kham, a move so unexpected that
Kham actually was taken off guard and felt the hot surge of panic. But only for
a split second. Then he broke the choke, and straddled Cinoe, performing
certain motions in a careful, quick sequence. He worked on certain nerve
systems, junctions, ganglia. His operations made no sound, and Cinoe made only
throaty, gargling noises of no great volume, and after a time, even those stopped.
At last, himself perspiring from the effort, Kham leaned back and looked at the
boy. The face was almost unrecognizable. Blank, utterly vacant. Kham leaned
close again and whispered, "The name. You want more of that?"
Cinoe muttered, in a low monotone,
uninflected, "Nazarine Alea." Kham got up off the boy. He said,
"There's no fixing what's been done here. It's irreversible. I didn't want
this, but it can't be helped. And
I can't wait through explanations.
So I'll leave, and after I release this hold, you'll sink and go to sleep. No
more pain. And I'll lock the door going out, so you'll be left alone for a long
time."
Cinoe said
nothing. He looked off at some noplace, eyes unfocused. Kham thoughtfully
added, "You shouldn't have tried to resist. She isn't worth it. And she
left you anyway. No nothing all around." He shook his head regretfully.
Then he released the last hold. Cinoe seemed to shrink and fold into himself,
although his actual position only shifted a little. The change was more in attitude
than anything else. Kham turned away.
Then he made
a quick inspection of the room, looking around, making sure he hadn't touched
anything. At the door, he set it to lock, and left, pulling it shut behind him.
There was no one in the corridor, and the other cohab lounge door lights were
all still red. He nodded to himself, and set off back down the corridor,
headed for the level concourse again. He moved with decisive speed, because he
had to get clear of this area as fast as possible. Now for two reasons. One, to
run the girl to earth, and the other to escape association with this area. He
was well out in the concourse, sitting on a bench, sorting out things in his
mind, when he realized the situation he might have precipitated. He thought,
edging carefully around the idea, as if he didn't want to touch it, Now I've
got two enemies, her, and Shipsecurity. He understood. Cesar Kham knew how
to hide, and how to move invisibly. Had he not done so for years on Oerlikon?
Had he not been the chief field operative of Lisagor? The exertion had left him
a little lightheaded, and he let it flow, moving with it. He set priorities in
his mind, and identified Shipsecurity as a distant nuisance. The real problem
was Nazarine Alea. Unlisted call-number. Well. There are ways around that,
too.
Nazarine
noticed that Faren picked up the pace after she turned off to enter the express
passage, but did not stop or say anything until they were secured in the small
pneumatique and moving. She said then, "Just before the turnoff, as we
came down the openway, there was a woman sitting on a bench. Seen her
before?"
"No. I
noticed her then, but never before."
"She
had a backwater-planet look to her, but also something else: a spotter."
"You're sure?" "Yes. We'll not see her again. She's gone to
report, and bring up a field operative who will doubtless try to get in closer.
That'll be a man."
Nazarine
asked, "How do you know that?" She was astounded at the quick
responses of Faren. To spot things that fast she must have done some things in
which observation and responses had to be honed to a fine degree of perception
and unquestioning reaction.
"When
they use a woman as a no-contact spotter, it's always a man who does the dirty
work. Sometimes you'll find a man spotter in some tricky, sneaky situations,
and then expect a woman, and a bad one at that, to close in." She
shivered. "Brr. Worst scapes I ever had were reverses. But pay attention:
she noted me, but spotted on you. That means description. What do you make of
that?"
"They
couldn't have a description of me, I .. ."
"You
what?"
"Never
mind. I've been careful." But she thought about the facts as Faren
presented them, and it had to be that way. The woman knew who to look for. How?
Suddenly she felt very foolish. She had moved openly, trusting to her new
identity to protect her. But she had been in the open, and used the cartouche
of Pompeo. Bought clothing. But that would give such a general description that
you couldn't react on it. That she didn't believe. No, it was something else.
Who? When? Not Cinoe, surely. She said as much to Faren.
Faren
nodded. "No, not Cinoe. I agree with that. He had his chance on the ship
coming across the ocean, as you told me. This is not young-man work. But
somewhere, somebody saw enough of you to derive a transmittable image. Wasn't
that woman. Her reactions were too obvious, and slow."
Nazarine
thought, hard, trying to remember the past months, looking for something. The
guard at Symbarupol? The Makhak in the castle? The one had been too ordinary,
the other too Makhak in his detachment. They wouldn't even chase a Lisak for
pay.
She
remembered there had been one occasion, on the beamliner from Symbarupol, when
she had felt uncomfortable about a man, and changed, just to be sure. The bald
one. Him?
"A man
watched me too closely on .. . a train, something like that. I thought it would
be prudent to lose him, and so I did. But he didn't follow me. There was only
a moment."
"If he
was trained well, and experienced, that would be enough. There exists a
standard set of descriptive tags so that he could transmit a passable image of
you to one similarly trained. What did that one look like?"
Nazarine
recalled what she could. "Bald, stocky, heavy torso, like a wrestler. An
intense, disturbing stare."
"Can
you fight?"
"Yes."
"You
don't look it."
"Trust
me. Call it one of my secrets."
Faren did
not look convinced, but she assented reluctantly. "All right. A bald,
stocky man. It will be sneaky, so we had better stick close for a while. Two
pair of eyes is better. And seeing me with you, they've got an item on me, too,
and will assume partnership. So I have to depend on you."
Nazarine
said, "I can contribute something to this, but I have to have some time to
do it. Quiet."
"What?"
"Get me
five minutes, maybe ten. I'll show you."
"Now we get Cinoe
out if we can find him. Stash him somewhere and you forget him; we can cure
that." "What about the woman? Are we walking into a trap?"
"Not likely. Possible, but probably not so. We'll get to Cinoe's area be
fore she
can: we are on the fastest route to that area."
The express Pneumatique ran
level for a short space and then slanted down sharply, sounding into the belly
of the ship Kalmia. Then it stopped, and they emerged into another
accessway similar to the one they had left. This one, however, showed less care
than the upper: there were faint smudges on the walls, marks left unfinished
from patching. Faren commented, "These are the haunts of the sloggers, the
proles, and the riffraff. Traditionally it is called steerage." She spoke
in an even, conversational tone, but her eyes betrayed her anxiety: they
shifted in a regular pattern from side to side, sweeping, calculating. She
added, "Come along smartly, now, and be alert, if you know how. We want to
be bold marauders, coming boldly and leaving silently as ghosts."
Shortly they
came to another of the vast, cavernous concourses, this one being much more
plain and functional than the upper one. They skirted around the edge of it,
avoiding the more densely populated center. Each person they passed they
watched carefully, but neither one observed anything suspicious, and they
traversed it without incident. As they entered the residence areas, Faren
turned and said, "We won't come back this way. Wouldn't have done it this
way from the beginning if I had known." She stopped, and then went on,
rather more thoughtfully, "If I had known, might not have come at
all."
Nazarine
said, "Regrets?"
"No.
I'm being cynical—another of our vices, which you must learn."
Faren knew
the quarters number she was looking for and led them directly to it, walking
along the passageways with an easy familiarity which Nazarine followed closely
and soon fell into. When they came to the door, it was open, and three young
men, ostensible Lisaks by their clothing and shoulder-length curls, invited
them in, speaking in the language of Oerlikon. Faren shook her head and
insisted, in her own speech, inquiring after one Cinoe Dzholin, and eventually,
one of the young men said, stumbling a little, that Dzholin had gone out much
earlier and not returned.
Refusing
invitations to come in and party, Faren and Nazarine stepped back into the
hall. Faren said shortly, "Not impossible, of course, but it's a fine mess
having to go look for him. I could have him paged, but that would attract a
great deal of attention, the kind we don't want. And things being as they are,
I don't favor the idea of milling around out in that concourse, either. It's
not a trap, but it's too easy for us to be seen. Do you have any ideas?"
Nazarine
looked at the room, the hall, and the light of the concourse beyond, flooding
down the passage behind them. Reluctantly, she guessed, and concluded she would
have to expose something. "I have another way. I do not display it before
observers, but it seems there is no other way." She hesitated. Then,
"Is there a place where we can go where we can get privacy for a time?
This takes time, and I can't be interrupted."
Faren put
her hand up alongside her nose and rubbed the side of her nose, looking off and
thinking. "Yes. For each one of these sections they have an adjoining
suite of cohabs—rooms where people can go and be alone. The usual reasons. We
can use one of those, if we can find one unlocked. Randy lot down here."
"Show
me," Nazarine said, and Faren nodded and set off, going deeper into the
section, following the passageway as it began to turn and twist. At last, the
passageway narrowed down into a corridor, which terminated in a cluster of
small doors, each with a red and green lamp above it. All the lit lamps were
red.
Faren looked
disgusted and said, "Just our luck. Everybody decides in this section they
all want love in the afternoon at the same time." She looked disgustedly
at the closed doors, and then looked again. One of them wasn't quite closed.
She
indicated this to Nazarine. Then she knocked at the door, and stood back,
listening. She whispered, "Could be just carelessness, haste." But no
sound came forth from the room. She said, "Come on. We'll see." Faren
pushed the door open, looking into the room, seeing no one, and stepped up and
inside. "Nothing here. Hm. Wonder why they left the red light on. It looks
like nobody's been here."
Nazarine
followed her, but just inside, Faren, slightly ahead of her, motioned her to
stop. She said, very quietly, "Nazarine, close and lock the door."
"Why?"
"Do
it." Nazarine complied. When she turned around, she saw Faren move
stealthily across the room, around the corner, to where a body lay, sprawled in
an odd and grotesque contortion. Faren muttered, "No wonder it was left
like that. Good-looking kid, too. Was. Doesn't cut much of a figure now."
Nazarine came forward and looked more closely. She said, "We're too
late."
She looked
at the curious still figure in the corner. Unquestionably dead. She felt
nothing, oddly. This did not resemble the Cinoe in life that she knew. The
feeling of it would come later. She knew now they had little time, and she had
to act fast. She did not need Jedily, or Damistofia, or Nazarine, now. She
needed Rael, and from deep in the most buried part of her memory, she summoned
Tiresio Rael, the callous, the merciless. She felt Rael's lanky, awkward
figure fit uncomformably into her own supple limbs. She felt odd, ill-fitted,
in her own body, that she'd spent so much of herself to really become. When she
spoke, it was in a harsher, colder voice. "That was Cinoe. The conclusion
is that the one hunting me killed him, either to prevent him from getting to
me, or to derive information from him. Probably my name, so he can trace me
through the ship. If so, now he knows how I call myself, and he knows what I
look like."
Faren looked
back at Nazarine sharply, sensing some change in the girl. After a moment, she
said softly, "You take the death of your lover lightly."
Nazarine did
not look at her, but said, "I take it as I must. I will feel later. But
know that this is not the first. They tried for me once before, and missed. And
before that, they sent an assassin against me. I killed him."
Faren observed,
"It seems I place myself in immediate peril by associating with
you." Nazarine nodded. "Just so. You may leave if you wish. I am
grateful for the help you have given me. Go. I understand. I do not ask you to
stay. I will do what I
have to do. I can find him on my own. We will end this forever." "You
actually think you can find the person who did this, on this ship, and punish
him?"
"I will
hunt this swine to the end of the universe." It came unbidden. Cliofino,
Krikorio, Emerna, Meliosme, Cinoe, persons in her past came flooding into her
mind. And with them came an emotion for which she had no name: it was icy,
cold, calculating, implacable. It made hatred seem like mild displeasure by
comparison. She added, "I can. I will. But first I have to do something."
Faren turned
to her and held her shoulders. "Listen. I believe you. I believe that you
believe you can do this thing. But alone? No, that's not the way. I will stay.
I do not know why they hunt you like this," here she glanced over her
shoulder at the still figure in the corner, "but you must have allies, and
I will have them for you. This is an evil thing, and I think if we look closer
at him, we will see something else."
Nazarine
relaxed a little. "Show me. I know something of these things. We may call
them different things, but if a pattern is there, it should show to both of
us."
They
approached the body carefully, not touching it. Faren squatted down on her
haunches and examined the body, searching it completely. Nazarine, beside her,
got down on her knees and also examined it, in time touching it, feeling
certain parts. After some time they both finished and looked at each other.
Nazarine
said, "This work was done by someone very knowledgeable of the uses of
pain. Slow. There are almost no impact marks."
Faren
nodded. Her voice was now cold also. "The shoulder was dislocated, and
then reset. The other things . . . There are several forms of this kind of art,
and I will not bore you with terminology. I know some things, but of this, I
know only enough to recognize the marks of a master craftsman. This man
hunting you is dangerous. If he would do this just for a name . . ."
Nazarine
stood up. "We have seen enough here. Are we still secure?"
"Yes.
No one will pass the door."
"Should
we report it?"
"I
think it would be a good idea. It will distract him."
Nazarine
said, "Do it discreetly. I want no outcry, no hounds-andhunt. This one I
reserve for myself." Faren assented, "There's such a way. I have
friends, and some of them will help me. They owe me, so to speak. I will call
on those obligations."
"Press the case, but let him
run loose. I want him alive." "We'll do as much as we can. But mind,
if he stands and fights, it'll go as it must." She agreed, reluctantly.
But agreed. "If it comes, then. Now I need
some paper."
"Paper?"
"Paper
and something to write with. And some time."
Faren looked
around uncertainly. "May be something here, but.. . can it wait?"
Nazarine's
face was set in grim determination. "This has to go before we leave this
room, and I will let no one see it save you. And ask me no questions."
Faren said,
"Very well. I will see." And she began looking through the room for
something to write on. Eventually, she did find some notepaper and an electric
pen, which she handed to Nazarine without comment. And she felt curious about
the other girl, too. When they had met, Faren had assumed a certain position of
superiority. It had to be. She was older, more sophisticated, experienced, and
Nazarine had been . . . over her head. Now she wasn't so sure about those
identifications. She neither feared nor disliked the girl; but she felt almost
as if it was she who was the inferior, and it was more than a little uncomfortable.
Still she asked herself: who was Nazarine Alea? More importantly, what was
Nazarine Alea? She watched Nazarine sit in a chair and begin writing, as if
drawing something, and she shrugged. Well, she thought. I did ask for
an adventure.
Nazarine took up the pad and pen and
sat on the bed, for a moment looking off into space, eyes unfocused and not
tracking, and then she looked down at the pad, and, hesitantly at first, began
sketching in what seemed to Faren to be an odd, abstract diagram. She would
work like that for a time, and then tear a sheet off, and transfer part of the
figure, leaving much of it behind, and seemingly start the process over again.
On the discarded sheets she did something that looked like math—it was symbols
and simple operational signs—but in no known number system, and what Faren could
see of it followed no logical system which she could recall. The results of
these computations would affect the developing figure.
After a
time, Faren could not sit still any longer, and she asked, "What are you
doing?" Nazarine did not answer, but cast her a glance of such intense
malignity that she turned away.
The girl
became oblivious to her surroundings, and made small subvocal noises under her
breath. Some seemed to express a grim satisfaction, or exultation, such as at
the fall of an especially hated enemy. Other times, they approximated groans of
woe, or gasps of horror. Gradually, the noises slowed and stopped, and it
seemed that Nazarine reviewed the steps she had progressed through, nodding at
some places, glaring at others as if they were her enemy. Then she put
the papers aside, and hung her head down, wearily. After a moment, she began
speaking softly, in a breathy, low voice that was barely audible, even in the
silences of the cohab suite.
She said,
"His name is Cesar Kham. At least, such is how it was on Oerlikon. I knew
of him, very distantly, almost solely by rumor. He did this, he also sent
terrorists against me in Clisp. These things are not important to him. And yet
this is not decided by him, but by someone behind him. The same people that
fixed events on Oerlikon to their own purpose. I can get echoes of them, but I
can't locate them—either my system is too ill-defined to work well in space or
they are well-concealed. I see here that he was sent to kill me, but now he
leans more toward capture—hah. His motives are unclear; sometimes he wants to
use me to his own benefit, other times, he would take me somewhere."
Faren
interrupted, "Do you fear that?"
She
answered, "I fear nothing. They have me to fear." Then she went on:
"That much is clear. What is difficult to see into is what we can do about
it. We can run and conceal ourselves, but for a period of time— less than the
voyage time of this ship, but not much less—we cannot attack him."
Faren said,
"When attacked, you can move, screen or counterattack."
Nazarine
nodded. "Exactly. Also do nothing: that's also an option. But access to
all the lines going to him directly is blocked, and even if you can get through
them, the consequences are all of negative value. I have done this before, but
I have never seen a snarl like this. We will have to wait. There's a place
where it clears, I can see that, but I can't see through it now. It must have
been learning your speech that changes it this way—I see now in much greater
detail."
"What
were you doing? Are you a . . . what? I don't have the words. A Witch?"
She shook
her head. "Nothing like that." She looked down at the floor.
"What I do looks miraculous to you, but to me it's ordinary, everyday. It
is difficult to do, certainly, but still ordinary. To me."
"Could
I learn it?"
"Not as
you are. You could not remain Faren Kiricky and do this. You have to start with
a clean slate, a blank. . . . You know, it is the everyday world that looks
peculiar to me. I have spent all the life I can remember trying to become a
part of it, to be free of what I am. Yes. Really. There is much, much more to
it than that." She sighed deeply and looked up, directly into Faren's
eyes. "I want you to understand something. Everyone in your world works for
power of some kind. The exchange varies, the payoff, but all the same: power.
Cratotropic. And 1, who have it, want nothing in the world so much as to throw
what I do have away. And I can't. Somebody is hunting me, something that does
not stop no matter what I do or where I go." Her eyes now were very
bright. "And this was why Cinoe .. . I almost thought that I could do it
through him. I sensed the failure of it even as we did it, the impossibility,
but that never matters, when we reach so hard—it is the reaching that
distinguishes us, not our failures. He was selfish and shallow, but he did not
know what he gave me, which was greater than anything he took. And now this. I
know this does not make sense to you."
Faren said,
"I understand better than you think about wanting, and seeing those dreams
fail. That much 1 know well. And fighting back as you can against . . . the
smug, the self-satisfied, the idiots who get a little edge and step on
everybody else's fingers."
"Do you
fear me?"
"No. I
think I should, but I don't. I am not one for causes. I mind my own affairs.
But I think you need someone to help you, and I will offer it. With some
misgivings, but nonetheless. . . ."
"Why?
You know little enough of me."
"Because
I think that you can do the things I cannot but always wanted to. You are
driven by your own . . . oracle, but it's mine too. Don't misunderstand me, but
it's like falling in love—you know it, when to reach, very soon. Not instantly,
but very shortly. Will work, won't work."
Nazarine
nodded, agreeing. "Yes, like that."
"So
I've seen some things, done others, liked some, and feared some. So, you looked
clumsy, worse than a tourist, but you had a light in you. In fact, what I want
you to do is learn to conceal that, to become a little more like us, adept at
concealing, able to rationalize away our own best interests in favor of trash.
. . . Then you can really be invisible. Those are not all my motives, be so
advised. And now we have some practical things to attend to. I have a friend in
Shipsecurity who can handle this with no fuss."
Nazarine
looked blankly at the still figure lying in the corner. "Yes, I
understand. Can you keep this discreet?"
"How
discreet? There'll be questions. Never mind us being suspects—neither you nor I
could do this kind of work. But still they will want to know something. Anyone
can see it's no accident."
"Can we
say we don't know who did this?"
"We
could.. .."
"It's
important that Kham run loose. I can't see why yet, but it must be, for anyone
to have an open course to him later. I mean, if anyone catches or stops him
now, I lose my only link to what I came here to do, and also, I lose the
ability to do anything about it. Things are balanced on razors right now."
"All
right. If you think so. Is that from the oracle?"
Nazarine
looked up sharply. "Not an oracle, not fortune-telling. Not occult.
Science. A method of organizing, objectively, what you know, but more
importantly, what you don't realize you know, and projecting from it. And what
I have to do is let Kham lead me to the people he comes from. Once I have that,
then I can set a balance with him."
"In other words, we
follow this maniac, as he hunts us." Nazarine laughed, shakily, but a
laugh despite everything. "Essentially, yes."
Faren
stepped close to Nazarine, and placed an arm lightly on her shoulders. "I
am sincerely sorry about this. No one earns deeds of this sort. What of it that
was good—remember that. Believe someone older and wiser—there'll be
others."
She
answered, "Being what I have been, you lose faith that a final answer
exists, for this."
Now Faren
laughed out loud. "You don't have to be you to understand that. I gave up
long ago. Now. Let's get out of here—another way. I'll see to the
reporting."
15
"Not
seldom, passersby glance my way and marvel, smiling: 'Who is that village
idiot, that fool, that wild man?' What they miss is a deeper truth that madcap
antics, appreciation of irony, and zany remarks bordering perilously close to
bad taste are all, considered together, the best defense possible against
cruelties and disappointments. I never heard a blues song with these words but
one might well be written: 'Laugh or cry, there ain't no in-between.' "
—H.C.,
Atropine
ARUNDA PALUDE RETURNED to the
section she and Kham had been assigned to, and she carefully checked places
that they had previously agreed would be good sighting-places, but he was not
in evidence. A quick run by the room he had been in also revealed nothing. She
returned to the center concourse for their level and sat on a park bench,
disconsolately. That was just like the way everything had gone since they had
been on this terrible mission. Everything went wrong, constantly. Now she had
valuable information, and she couldn't find Kham.
Someone
stepped from behind the bench; she hadn't heard him approach, and say,
passing, "Follow me at a distance." She glanced up and saw it was
Kham, who seemed to stroll along no differently from the rest of the
passengers, now wandering off through the aimlessly milling crowds. She got up
from the bench and started out, and then fell back, barely keeping him in
sight. Something was wrong, something had gone badly wrong for him to drop into
a defensive mode of behavior like that.
Kham led her
along roundabout, wandering courses that seemed to have no destination or
purpose, but after a very long and tiring walk she saw him duck into a darkened
drinking place. She waited for a time, but he did not come out, so she
followed, as if she had had the greatest difficulty making up her mind. Inside
the bar, which bore a softly illuminated wall plaque calling itself the
"Nile Green Potationary," complete with illustrative pyramids,
camels, palm trees and other equally improbable flourishes, the dimness and
dark furnishings made it impossible to make anything out clearly, but after
some uncertain motions, she finally saw Kham and joined him in a booth. He had
already ordered a drink for her, something in a plain glass. She picked the
drink up and looked at it skeptically. "What is it?"
Kham said,
"House specialty: Lillie Mae's Reliable Vermifuge. It's supposed to cure
warts, etc. It's also rather strong, so don't bolt it down."
Palude
sipped at the drink, made a face, and then sat back with a foolish grin on her
face. "Tastes awful going in, but the aftertaste is spectacular! A few of
those and you'd bay at the moon, even if there wasn't one."
Kham glanced
at one of the florid, arabesqued decorations arranged along the walls. It would
have been a crime to call them paintings. He indicated she should also look and
reflect. "True; the management has thoughtfully provided one for those who
require such an orbital object to bay at." The moon bore, in subtle
shadings, the suggestion of a theatrically overdone princess in the headdress
of the ancient Egyptians.
She said,
"You have the oddest tastes in meeting places."
"This
is a good one. It's never crowded. It's done up so low-class people will think
it high-class. Naturally, only serious drinkers visit." "I have
information for you." "I likewise. Perhaps you should say yours
first." "Very well. I saw the girl, according to the coordinates you
gave me.
She has a helper, or comrade, or
something I don't know." Here she gave Kham a set of coordinates for the
recognition of the older woman she had seen with the girl. Kham nodded when he
had a fair grasp of the image in his mind's eye. She continued, "I did not
follow; they seemed alert and poised. The older woman looks street-wise and
partly reformed. They were headed this way, and probably got into this area
ahead of me—took the express passage down here."
"I've
seen neither. But we now have another problem . . ." And here he related,
in sparse, tactical language, the events encompassing the death of Cinoe
Dzholin." He finished, "The girl's name is Nazarine Alea. I tried the
listings. She's unlisted."
Palude
placed both hands on the glass and held it, on the table, but at arm's length,
for a long time, saying nothing. Finally, she ventured, carefully, "1 have
no specific comments on that, of course. You already understand the
error."
Kham nodded.
"No
need for me to add to what you already know. This could put some serious
complications into things." Kham said, "There were no witnesses. It
is possible nothing might happen at all."
Pahide
looked directly at Kham. "Yes, maybe. Maybe. And maybe we
might wind up being the hunted instead of the hunter. Somebody's going to find
that body, eventually, and then the fun and games starts. How good is
Shipsecurity?"
"Thorough
and professional. Slow and steady, and bound by few or no laws. It won't take
them long to link him with her."
"And so
she'll know, and she also will have an alibi."
"Presumably.
You are sure the girl you saw matched the coordinates I gave you."
"Yes. A Class-one match. No doubt. The girl you saw in Symbarupol, on the
beamliner, is on this ship."
"Your
evaluation?"
"Her
appearance works against her, and she seems ... what's the right word? Clumsy
isn't it, maybe inept. And yet there's an order back of her, too. If she was inept
as she seems she couldn't have made contact so fast. And I have a suspicion the
older woman made me. Maybe not. But she looked directly at me. Not casually.
For strategy, assume she did, and warned the girl."
Kham
reflected, "So what they warned us of has occurred?"
"What?
Oh, yes, that it would be alerted. Well, certainly that, by now."
Kham said,
with wry fatalism, "Then we may expect the worst."
"I
don't know ... There is something very strange about all this, if you think
about it. I keep having this suspicion about all this case that she's not
really looking for you or me. That with the ability that thing has to read the
present and determine courses of action, if she were after you she would have
come long before. Or she could have set something in motion."
"Yes, I
have thought that, too. Odd, that. By any ordinary standard, she would
certainly have reason to bear a grudge."
"Exactly.
But against whom? There's the question. Face it this way: assume she knows you
are the root of the events that have happened to her. Two attacks. And assume
she's still using the original system, the one whose parameters I was briefed
on: and yet she doesn't attack."
Kham added
sardonically, "Not yet."
"You
are the field tactician. Isn't there a circumstance in which you would allow a
lesser figure to run loose, even though you had a clear case against that
person?"
"Oh,
yes. Common practice."
"In
such a circumstance, you'd wait, and go for the higher-ups . . ."
"Where
you had the feel of reasonable expectation you could get at them through your
obvious target." "Yes." "Then there's your answer. She's
going to let us lead her to her real
enemies."
"In a way, that's worse than being the target. Do you have any clear idea
of her range?"
"I
don't even believe in what they say about it. Range doesn't seem to enter into
it at all. Spatial distance . . . Using that system she's got, apparently she
ignores it."
Kham looked
into the darkness, focusing on nothing. "Then it becomes vital we get to
her before she gets the range of her target. To our knowledge, she hasn't done
it yet. This means she either can't see it yet, or she can't act yet. Either
way, her powers are neutralized, and we've got time and opportunity. There is
sense in what you suggest."
"We
have comm through the ship. The committee should be notified."
"I
suppose so, although we will pay a price for that, you know. Have you
considered it? They'll say, 'You let that animal loose!" No matter
what we do, it's no-win if we call them."
Palude
stopped and reflected for a long time. Then, "So you'll try again."
"Have
to. Hold your report for a bit. This is, after all, a closed environment. That
thing can't breathe space, or transit-continuum. It's here, on a very small,
closed world. And listen."
"Yes?"
"This
world it doesn't know. We do."
Palude
looked back at the mad Egyptian moon on the bar mirror. It seemed to
communicate moonly wisdom, impalpable and subverbal, but something wise
nonetheless. She said, "Maybe. But don't be too sure." She added, after
a moment, "I'm sure you've heard the phrase, 'Crisis management is a
contradiction of terms.' Remember it. What do you have in mind now?"
Kham was
ready. "We should stop off at those rooms and see if the work has been
discovered. I was unseen. We can of course pose as a coupie seeking privacy.
If necessary, we can report the heinous crime our
selves. It might be a good
touch."
She asked,
"Why not from here, now?"
"Would
be a bad move if it's already been reported. Things would get warm fast."
Palude slid
out of the slick leather seats and stood, now somewhat uncertainly. "Very
well .. . my!" Kham smiled. "Yes, indeed. Strong, isn't it?"
"One would never know." "Come along, then. Then we'll know
something. And know things we
must, now,
all of it."
On the ship, the illusion of day and
night alternation was maintained as rigorously as that of gravity. When Kham
and Palude emerged from the dim interior of the bar, the faraway overhead
illumination seemed softer, dimmer than when they had entered. It now seemed
like early twilight, under a high overcast. Kham glanced instinctively upwards,
as if to judge the impending weather by the sky. Arunda chuckled when she noted
this gesture. "Ha! Looking for the sky, are you?"
Kham shook
his head ruefully. "The illusion is strong, true enough. One spends a
lifetime outside, one looks at the sky, whatever the world."
Arunda took
Kham's elbow and said, "No fault there. But it's not a world, this ship,
and it doesn't have weather."
Kham nodded.
"I understand your meaning. Very perceptive. Our usual reactions, even
good ones, won't be good enough." He made a grimace. "They weren't
good enough, on Oerlikon."
Palude
pursed her lips thoughtfully, and suggested, "I have spent many long
nights thinking about that. If it were just one thing, one incident, perhaps
it would be meaningless. But it begins to form a pattern. It does not emanate
from us—you are not making mistakes. You are going about it with uncommon
skill. And yet at the crucial instant, the actions don't work, or misfire. Do
you know what I think?"
"That
the Morphodite has luck? If so, I would agree."
"No,
something like that, but stated differently, and the difference is crucial. I
begin to think that that thing . . . disrupts probabilities. There is an expected
range of coincidence operant in the universe. For some reason, that thing, by
existing, somehow de-coincidizes space around it, or trains of probabilities
that lead to it. I don't think it's conscious, or even an ability, but a
condition its existence imposes on the fabric of the universe. I'm not sure, of
course, but there is a funny pattern to all the events leading up to now."
Kham walked
along, silendy, thinking. He said, "Perhaps. That would explain much. And
yet it raises questions, too."
"Yes.
Exacdy what I thought. They told me, back on Heliarcos, that it changed the
world, at least Lisagor, to a different configuration, a different idea-world.
Things shifted. Kham, that thing created a world somewhere along the line,
knowingly or unknowingly, that protects it, somehow. Shields it."
Kham was
skeptical. "Lisagor, maybe. But here?"
"I
don't think it knows it; how far it reaches, at least yet."
They had now
left the lower-class concourse and were passing along one of the dim hallways
leading to the residence areas. Kham said, "That would be in our
favor."
"But
think! Every time we have moved with violence against it, it has become more .
. . enhanced, so to speak. We may have to rethink our options on what we must
do with it."
"I
think I see. The more we attack, the stronger it gets. And where before its
effective range was limited to a single continent, now it can reach
farther."
"Much
farther. I say again, I believe it doesn't understand how far it can reach, or
how far into the basic fabric its effects go. I do not want the basic
probabilities of the universe tampered with. They're in a certain range, that
makes things possible."
Kham walked
along, turning into a side-corridor. "Perhaps. And yet what are our
options? No matter what the cause, it's moving now, and it's in our world,
motivated by our own acts. We don't know what it knows, what it doesn't know,
of what it wasn't supposed to see. Do you imagine we should try to negotiate
with it? Can you imagine the price? Even if we could find it and deal directly,
there's no assurance it would stop with us. Its actions suggest it knows there
is something behind you and me; so it would take us and just keep on
going."
"I want to suggest we try to
make some kind of contact with it." "It's difficult to even see. I
only saw her once, and you once. So far it's evaded every snare we've set for
it." "You agree we would have to find it on the ship before we take
any further action?"
"Oh,
yes, without doubt."
Now they had
arrived at the section given over to cohabs for this residence area. The
corridor light was dim, dimmer than the normal corridor lighting. Ahead, the
rooms were closed, with the small witchlights above them indicating occupancy.
Three were open, one of which was the room in which Kham had dispatched Cinoe
into the darkness. "Last house on the left." Kham said, "Come
on."
They stepped
up to the doorsill and pushed the door open. Arunda held her breath. This was a
crucial instant of time. Also, she found, looking at herself, that she really
did not wish to be in this room with a dead man. There was a sense of profound
wrongness about it. But inside, she looked around, forced herself to look, and
there was nothing in the room. It was as if nothing had happened. The covers
were neatly arranged on the bed, the lights were turned down low, everything
was in order. She turned to Kham, who was looking around uncertainly. "Are
you sure this is the right cohab?"
Kham nodded.
"Assuredly. Indeed, this is the very room. No mistake."
"There's
no body."
"Just
so. I verified the room. So it's been discovered. Lock the door. We'll stay
about half an hour, and then leave. We should return to our own quarters. I'll
meet you tomorrow, on the concourse. It should be safe."
Arunda
observed, "We should go somewhere and eat. I'm starved and I can't recall
the last meal I had. That drink just set it off And on the way out, we ought to
nose around a little, to see if anybody around here knows anything."
Kham agreed.
"Aye, that. Both. To hell with the half-hour—we'll go now."
With a last
glance around the undisturbed room, they turned and left it, pulling the door
shut behind them. Inside, its sensors picked up the door closing, and turned
the lights out. And high up on the wall, in a dim corner, something
infinitesimally small glittered for a second, and then also became as dark as
the rest of the room.
Cesar Kham
and Arunda walked back along the corridor, Kham looking along the plain gray
walls for the room number he had derived for Cinoe Dzholin. He found it, and
was on the verge of knocking, when a group, apparently bound for the furtive
nighttime activity of the lower concourse, opened the door and came out. Kham
started back for a moment, and then recovered, and like the good tactician he
was, asked, of the group in general, "Excuse me, is this the room where a
Cinoe Dzholin is billeted?"
One of the
party turned back momentarily and said, "He's signed here, sure enough,
but nobody's seen him all day. Popular fellow, that Dzholin!"
Kham asked, "How
so?"
The other
said, "Two women came looking for him awhile back."
Arunda,
sensing the flow of things, asked, "What did they look like? They may have
come from the party we came to fetch him to."
The other
fellow pondered for a moment, and then said, "Young girl and an older
woman. They didn't say who they were. The younger one was tall, very
nice." The others agreed, smirking. He added, "The other one was
average size, a little hard-looking. Looked like, the pair of them, one from the
upper decks and a crew on off-time. Must be some party."
Arunda
nodded and said to Kham, "They already came for him, and they didn't tell
us."
Kham made a
polite gesture to the party, who responded and started off. Kham added, so they
would hear, "Probably dragged him off for awhile first. Hmf." He
thought his voice carried just enough disapproval, tinged with a bit of envy.
They remained by the door, as if uncertain what to do next, and as they waited,
the others passed up the corridor and turned a corner.
Kham said,
"All right. Now we know."
Arunda said,
"They came down here to get him, probably, and found him. Doubtless we may
assume it was reported, and the body removed." Kham nodded. "What do
you have in mind now?" Kham rubbed his bald cranium thoughtfully. "I
don't think they have
anything yet. You are clearly not in
danger—they have no way to connect you. So what I recommend is that you move
to better quarters, a room of your own. But stay on this level."
Palude shook
her head. "They aren't on this level. And they probably won't come back,
unless it's on the hunt. And we should not be separated, now."
Kham was
insistent. "If they came soon enough, they will have picked up traces of
whoever was in that room, and they could possibly make me. You don't know. There
is a possibility I could be captured. In that eventuality, you must carry on,
and do what you must. But however it would have to be, someone would have to
stay behind, here, to see if they have started. How else would you know? So you
see it's all clear."
She nodded.
"Now, for some food. I see your argument, but I am not convinced yet. Let
us talk it over, over a meal." "Agreed! Most assuredly agreed!"
They returned to the concourse, now
darkened into its night cycle. Kham had not been conscious of the place being
crowded before, during day-cycle, but now it seemed busy, full of people, all
strolling along, looking for something to see, something to do. He and Palude
selected a place without ceremony, an open-air restaurant serving plain and simple
fare, and sat down to eat. Both of them were hungry, and so they spoke little
for some time, nor did they pay much attention to what was going on around
them. He was surprised when Arunda pushed at his leg under the table with her
foot. He glanced up, caught her expression, and suddenly became alert, without
visibly seeming to do so.
He listened.
At first, there was only a confused blur of sound from the nearby diners, and
the nearer members of the passing crowds. Then a pattern began to emerge:
". . . told
Corlean that she could take it and shove . . ."
".. .
and after that, let me tell you, we . . ."
". . .
not any new ones out tonight. Same stuff . . ."
". . .
haven't seen them once this trip, and now out in force."
"When
did you ever see two, and in uniform?"
"Carrying
Tracker-Lenosz, too."
"Never
mind, they're probably looking for a purse-snatcher."
Kham let his
eyes wander, as if aimlessly looking over the crowd. For a second, he saw
nothing significant, but then he registered the image. Two men, rather thin,
wearing one-piece gray coveralls, walking now away from the restaurant,
accompanied by two sleek, gray animals who loped along beside them without
visible connection, but who also moved as if they were part of the two men.
Their passage seemed aimless, but the agent part of Cesar Kham noted the
subtle movements of their heads, men and animals, which indicated a careful
scanning pattern, even though he could not see their faces from this angle.
Ship-security agents, patrolling, of course. But looking for what? They had
passed, certainly, within hailing distance of himself and Arunda, and yet
passed on. He breathed deeply, and turned again to his meal, as if he had seen
nothing. The murmur of voices around them continued, against a background
susurrus from which it was impossible to extract anything.
". . .
saw them carry a body-bag out of . . ."
". . .
go upstairs and harass the swells in . . ."
". . .
wouldn't mess with . . ."
".. .
and when we got to Havaerque, we ran slap out . . ."
". . .
Nedro is nothing but a hoage. . . ."
"...
onliest way I know to . . ."
". . .
and she was so fat that if you told her to haul-arse, she'd have to make two
trips. . . ."
". . .
routine patrol, likely. On the Banastre Tarleton they patrolled steerage
almost hourly. And we were glad to have it, I can tell you, all those crazy
religious colonists . . ."
". . .
on the Pedro Francisco, they'd turn Lenosz loose in a heartbeat."
Kham looked
up at Arunda. "Shipsecurity. Seems to be a routine patrol. Somewhat out
of ordinary, but within tolerance. Why worry? Had they been coming for us,
they'd have had us now."
"All
the same, it gave me a fright. When did they start using Lenosz?"
"I
wasn't aware they were being used. It's news to me. Still, we've been out of
touch. Heliarcos, then Oerlikon, Heliarcos, and back here. Who knows?"
Arunda
ruffled her fingers through her hair, shaking her head slowly. "There is
much we don't seem to know, ourselves. I have to vote for us staying close
together."
Kham leaned
forward, massaged his eyebrows. "Yes, of course. Tonight. But here's the
way we arrange it: you get yourself shifted to one level up, a double. Then
I'll follow."
"Why
not come with me?"
"I've
got to find out how much of an alarm is out. Some fine work. I can't do it with
a partner. We have to know some of this—how bad it is. Then we can decide what
we need to do."
"Very
well. How long will it take?"
"About
a day, should be. Stay put."
"How
will you know where to find me?"
"Re-register
openly. I'll call."
Arunda
nodded. "Tonight."
"Oh,
yes. Tonight, for a fact."
"And
what about the girl? Are you going to press on with that, too?"
"For
the moment, the girl will have to wait." Kham picked up the bill, studied
it for a moment, critically, and then signed it, citing a particular
alphanumeric code group. Then he said to Arunda, who had already gotten up to
leave, "Do what you can to try to trace the girl. We'll take that up again
directly."
16
"For
the hard choices that define you there are no preset priorities, no magic
answer; you place value and choose. But the proof lies in the obverse—when we
start explaining away things by saying 'it just happened,' or some such similar
nonsense, we admit that we did not choose anything, save to drift away into
oblivion on a current of vagrant passions and miscellaneous lusts. No one can
deny the beauty and ecstasy, but those moments were also balanced by
equivalent amounts of terror, heartbreak, self-doubts of truly industrial
strength. And in the end, surrounded by ruins, we ask why, and blame a cruel
god."
—H.C.,
Atropine
ASOFT, ALMOST-INAUDIBLE chime of exquisite high pitch
sounded, having no perceptible source. Nazarine had been lying back across the
bed, not asleep, nor yet awake, but when she heard the chime she looked across
the room immediately, to where Faren had been dozing in a soft chair. Faren
left the chair and stood by the bed, touching the commset. "Who
calls?" "Ngellathy here." Faren said, to Nazarine, "My
contact in Shipsecurity. That one is safe." "Let him in." Faren
released the door, and into the dimmed room stepped a slender man in one of
the ubiquitous shipgray uniform coveralls. Slipped into the room might be
better. Or even better, flowed. He locked the door behind him and joined the
two by the bed. To Nazarine's sharpened senses, it seemed something brief
passed between Faren and the man, who seemed a curious blend of irreconcilable
opposites: tense, yet also internally totally relaxed.
Faren
glanced at him once more, and then to Nazarine. "Here we have Dorje
Ngellathy, a Securityman who most of the time is a hopeless attitude case, but
who, in a tight spot, is the only one I can depend on." And to Ngellathy
she added, "This is Nazarine Alea, lately of Oerlikon, our unscheduled
stop."
Ngellathy
nodded, impatiently, curtly. Satisfied at last that the preliminaries were
done with, he sat in the chair Faren had just vacated. He said, "Here is
how things stand now. The body has been picked up. Faren, you were right in
your suspicion of the pattern of trauma. Medical is going over it before
ejection to see if they can derive a pattern. Some of these hand-assassins
follow discrete schools. As for the killer, we used Alea's description of the
probable, and presently he reappeared at the room. We had a viscoder installed.
Had a woman with him, matches your description. They came aboard at Oerlikon,
but are not, apparently, using Oerlikonian names. He lists as Czermak
Pentrel'k, she as Morelat Eikarinst."
Nazarine
said, "You haven't done anything]"
"No. We
are holding, partly on your request, partly because we want to find out exactly
what we are dealing with. Sec/Chief doesn't care for that pattern of injuries
and wants to know."
"How?"
"We have an intermediate stop on Teragon. It's not in the route, and you
can't buy a ticket for it, but Kalmia always drops in for a while."
Nazarine
looked across the space between them. Ngellathy was difficult to see, to
realize, to describe. Shadowy, subtle, even sneaky, there was strangeness writ
hard all over him, but even so, she could see no particular evil in him. At the
least, he was no more disreputable than Faren. She said, "What's
Teragon?"
"Once
was a small planet on a small system. That was long ago. Turned out it's near
the center of our planetary communications system, so there they built a city.
And more city. The whole planet is now city. They even figured out a way to
make their own food. You can read about it. But there, we can tie in and get
the proper patches to link up and dig deep before we move. And never
fear—Pentrel'k isn't getting off this ship alive."
Faren asked,
"Dorje, you don't know where they come from?"
"No.
They claim to be from that planet we stopped at, but we have eliminated that
right away. No, we've got him where we want him, and he'll stay there."
Nazarine said, in a low voice,
almost a mutter, "I need him alive." Ngellathy turned now directly
toward her, and said, "I hear, but I can't understand why."
"He has
been hunting me, and I need to find out where he comes from. Not where he was
born."
He laughed,
softly. "Why not ask him?"
Nazarine
folded her arms under her breasts. "Perhaps. But consider: the woman with
him—would she not be from the same place?"
"High
probability."
"Are
you watching her?"
"Certainly."
Nazarine looked away
from Ngellathy, lest he read what was in her face. He saw the motion, and
added, "Shipmatter now, of course. I know you understand how that must be.
No vendettas, revanches, loitering with intent to suborn mayhem, and so forth. I'm
no stickler for forms for their own sake—there are more people involved in this
than just you, now."
"No,
nothing like that. I was thinking that it might be possible for your people to
separate them, and we would .. . have a short chat with her. All under
supervision, naturally."
Again, that
small, assured chuckle. "Naturally."
"What
do you think?"
He looked
off into the shadows of the darker parts of the room. Then back, abruptly
fixing her with a strong gaze. "It could be arranged. And what afterward?
Confinement?" "I was thinking you could simply turn her loose. She'll
tell her partner what I asked, and what I said. . . ." She let it hang.
"Maybe not so good. We don't want him too highly motivated to
excellence." "Could you just put her off, say, at the planet we'll
stop over at? Teragon?"
"Hmf.
Now there's a rich one. You're full of them. They have cross-world comms there,
and doubtless she'd report back to their bosses. Might stir up forty kinds of
hellation. We don't know yet who they work for. Some of the more obvious things
we have already eliminated, but that doesn't mean they don't have connections,
in fact, that they are not obvious argues for excellent connections. We don't
want to arrive at the first scheduled port of call and have Kalmia impounded."
"I
see." Nazarine stood up. "Take me to her. No recordings, nobody but
me. And arrest me if she's harmed."
Faren now
interjected, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes."
Faren now
stood up and said, to Ngellathy, "Take her."
He shook his
head, but stood anyway, still shaking his head. "Come on. We'll cook
something up on the way. I will probably have her confined afterward."
Nazarine
added emphatically, "I don't want them dead or harmed. They're worth
nothing to me dead."
"Let's
go," said Ngellathy, and the three of them stepped out of Nazarine's room,
into the balcony-passage high over the middle-level concourse. It was night
cycle now out in the immense inside space, and the overheads that illuminated
it and lent the appearance of daylight were now out and the space was dark. But
far below, there were piercingly bright lights under the trees and awnings,
and across the concourse, watchlights by another wall of rooms and suites
glimmered like distant city lights. Nazarine walked with energy and
anticipation, but looking out over that space, and understanding that she was
riding, a passive passenger inside an enormous artifact, she caught herself
holding a fugitive memory from Phaedrus, of the open, empty spaces and starry
nights of Zolotane.
Down on the
floor of the concourse, it was now the ship's analogue of night, and nighttime
gaiety was well advanced: well-behaved crowds sat to their tipple in taverns,
while in other places, the throb and wail of music wafted out into the illuminated
squares and plazas, and in the dim interiors they sensed rather than saw
directly the pulse and motion of dancers. Outside, small groups and solitary
individuals strolled, leered, followed one another, or gathered in small groups
to watch troupes of acrobats, or musicians, or wonderworking prestidigitators
who plucked flowers from ears, removed gold rings from pockets, or perhaps
colored handkerchiefs would be made to appear from the most unlikely, and
slightly vulgar places.
As they
walked through the plazas, Nazarine covertly watched Faren and Dorje Ngellathy
out of the corner of her eyes. They both seemed perfectly in their element, not
so much as participants in the merrymaking, but more, perhaps, as lifeguards
on a beach, who might take a short stroll from time to time. She also saw that
they seemed to lose concern, and concentrate more on each other, at least in
short, fleeting fragments of time. For a time they held hands lightly, almost
absentmindedly, and by some change in inner state Nazarine saw an expression of
innocent girlishness flicker into life on Faren's face. Dorje, who was more
visible in the plain light of the concourse streetlights, now became something
less mysterious and more human. The face was basically that of some hardened
mercenary, or veteran of obscure border actions: high, prominent cheekbones, a
hawk nose, a wide slash mouth whose upper lip was fuller than the lower, and
epicanthic folds at the corners of long, drooping eyelids. He wore his hair
cropped off unfashionably short. In build, he was slender, but wide at the
shoulders, as tall as Nazarine herself. He moved easily, loosely, but wary.
And he, too, changed in short little instants, managing in those times to shed
the hardness and seem something from another time, another place. A young
hunter; a successful candidate from the tribe's Rite of Passage, one who had
undertaken the long quest and who had seen the Holy Man.
They stopped
briefly at one of the communications-points, and Ngellathy spoke for a time. When
he had finished, he said, "She's taken a couple of rooms down here on the
floor, in a small pension above a jeweler's shop. Now she is alone. It's not
far from here."
Nazarine
asked, "How will we do it?"
"We'll
go in and talk with her a bit, and then you can go in."
Nazarine
nodded assent, and they continued. Their walk now took them into a part of the
concourse arranged to appear as if it were some small shopping quarter of a
fashionable resort: small buildings of light-colored stone or soapstone tiles
alternated with discreet little shops of stucco and stained wood. In between
were carefully arranged plots that seemed like vacant lots until one noted the
careful, almost over-tidy landscaping, the fussy attention to details.
They arrived
at the shop, which had an upper floor devoted to apartments, as seemed common
in this district. It was situated on an alley, with more of the same sort of
structures behind it, most connected to the street level by a series of
rambling staircases of old-fashioned and quaint construction.
The second
floor of the jeweler's shop was reached by one of these stairs, and they went
up the narrow way in a line, Nazarine last. At the landing at the top, Dorje
and Faren knocked on the door. After a time, it was opened cautiously, and a
brief conversation ensued, after which the door opened farther and they went
in. The door closed. Nazarine held her place on the stairs, waiting,
occasionally glancing around. A few people passed by out on the main
thoroughfare, but none seemed to look up or notice her; they were preoccupied
with their own concerns. And while she waited, she slowly let herself move into
a greater awareness, listening, sensing everything she could. As she did so,
the illusion of a city on a surface faded, and the concourse seemed shadowy,
insubstantial. She could hear a very soft but persistent ultrabass vibration,
which was of course the ship. Sounds also had an echoing ring to them,
unnatural in a true open space. The smells were too clean, too mechanical, technological.
Somewhere, someone should have been frying onions. There was no woodsmoke, no
sweat, no pungent scent of some domesticated animal.
Above, on
the landing, the door opened, and Faren came out, followed by Dorje, who
motioned to her. She mounted the remaining stairs and turned at the top, while
Dorje said, in passing, "Remember. No action."
She nodded,
and went through the door Dorje held open for her. Inside was a small room,
rather like a parlor, connected with others on the far side. There was a simple
sofa, facing wooden chairs. On the sofa sat a woman who stood when Nazarine
came in. The woman was well-proportioned with no fat, but she was clearly past
her prime, retaining as her most striking feature a long cascade of rich, dark
brown hair. Her features were regular and clear, unremarkable save for a mouth
that was slightly too large for the face, which gave her a slightly childish
look. But one other thing distinguished the woman's features as Nazarine saw
them: the woman was holding herself under rigid control, and was clearly
terrified.
Nazarine did
not know how to begin. The woman was so tense, almost anything could happen.
She decided to keep it simple, and retain the advantage of fear that she held.
She reached for Rael, and found that selfness waiting. As that came into her
awareness, her perception of the woman shifted slightly, subtly: she seemed
less vulnerable, and more contemptible, rather like a child caught doing
something dangerous about which it has been repeatedly warned. She said,
softly, "You recognize me." Statement, not question.
The woman
hesitated, then said, "Yes, I know you from ID Mindset."
"My
name is now Nazarine Alea. You also know what I am and who else I have
been." "Yes." "Please sit down. I arranged this, not to
attack you, but to try to un
derstand some things. As you know, a
Securityman waits outside on the stoop; had it been my method to use violence,
I would not have asked him to announce me, or to wait."
She sat
gingerly, watching Nazarine all the time. Nazarine sat on one of the wooden
chairs. After a few uneasy moments, the woman said, "You seem to have
thought of everything."
Nazarine
said, "Neither you nor your partner have any meaning for me dead."
The woman
said, "I fear you, but what I fear worse than that is knowing the
probable consequences of your remaining alive, and finding your way back. We
seem to have lost initiative in the latter case, and so await the former with
the usual dread. What else?"
Nazarine
observed tautly, "When I was Phaedrus, you sent commandos against unarmed
children to get me. Your agents killed what little family I had. I lived with a
plain woman who could see forever and was one with the earth; she was one in
that house who died. And in my present embodiment, your partner killed my
lover. True, I understand he was selfish and had his faults, but such as he
was, he was mine. Someone sent a man to seduce me and then kill me when I was
Damistofia Azart. Who are you to inflict such terror, and in whose name?"
Palude said,
"I will tell you nothing."
Nazarine
said, "How would you prefer it? I can do what I need to do from where I
stand with what I know, or can determine without you. But the focus is
ill-defined, smeared-out. It will be like on Oerlikon, in Lisagor. Or you can
cooperate, and what I have to do will then be clean, surgical. No innocent need
feel the blow."
"But
you'd do something, all the same."
"I'd do
something. I'm not sure yet exactly what. But I know that when I'm finished,
you'll make no more Morphodites. And there won't be any more Oerlikons."
Palude shook
her head. "There will always be Oerlikons. Fools hide from the inevitable,
and exploiters come and ransack them, without their ever knowing it."
Nazarine
digested the cynical remark, which Palude had said easily, as if the thought
had been an integral part of her selfness. She thought, That's a widespread
view in her world, and interesting for that reason. She formulated that in
the peculiar symbology of reading she used. A statement of belief. She said,
"Don't you understand that when victims come easy, anyone can become
one—even you. Whoever your bosses are, they exploit you as callously as they
exploited Oerlikon, and to no better purpose. Is this the meaning of your life,
that you travel unimaginable light-years to suborn the killing of
children?"
Palude
looked down, unwilling to meet Nazarine's eyes. But she said, "You're no
better than they are; you would end up destroying our whole way of life, an
honorable mode that has existed for thousands of years. And you don't know as
much as you think you do; if you knew where we came from, you wouldn't be here
talking to me."
Nazarine
again let the remarks settle. A picture was forming in her mind, but it wasn't
yet clear exactly what it was. She thought a moment, and then said, "Have
it your way. But you've failed in your mission: you haven't gotten me."
"Yet."
"Knowing
where your enemy is, that's the best defense there is. We have Cesar Kham
bottled up in this ship. We have you. This ship will stop at Teragon. They have
proper facilities there. What I need to know, I'll find out. Security is
checking the account number you billed your passage to."
Palude said,
"The transit isn't over yet."
Nazarine
shrugged. "It's as long for you as it is for me. Maybe longer."
"What
are you going to do with me?"
"You?
Nothing. You're free to wander as you will. I imagine you'll tell Kham I spoke
to you. That's exactly what I want you to do. It will stimulate him to take
certain actions."
"You've
seen the consequences of this?"
"Of
course." Nazarine lied, deliberately now, relying on the woman's
resistance and fear of losing something for this failure. Not her life. Not
drugs. But they had some kind of hold on her, and it was long-term and
powerful. She added, "And of course there's the option of doing nothing
at all. I really want to be free of you people—that's what I want. I could
disappear again."
Palude
smiled now, an eerie expression in the context. She said, "Oh, we know
enough about you to know you can't do that again. You lose age in Change, we
know that. And you should be a lot younger than you are, so we know that you've
found a way to slow that—but not eliminate it. So you're stuck now as
Nazarine, for a while, at least. And as long as you're one person, you can be
traced, no matter what."
"You've
been briefed very well. That information could only come from The Mask Factory,
from Pternam, or three of the leaders of the Heraclitan Society. So now I know
that there's a connection between you-now and them-then. And it's reasonable to
assume that you were sent back because you knew Oerlikon well, hence were there
before."
"I'll
say no more to you."
"Think
about what I've said." Nazarine stood up and turned to go. She looked
back, over her shoulder, and added, "Since you know so much about me,
consider what you must know about how far Rael can see. I am still Rael, you
know. Tulilly, too. I want the ones who gave the orders."
Palude said,
"The ones who gave the original orders are long dead. They have escaped
you."
Nazarine
reached for the door. "The ones who gave you your orders are alive
and prosperous somewhere: I will change both circumstances. Have a pleasant
evening." And she went out, to where Faren and Dorje awaited her on the
landing. Dorje looked inside to assure himself that Palude was unharmed, and
then rejoined them.
He said,
"Did you accomplish anything?"
Nazarine
shook her head. "No. Or very little. She is defiant and uncooperative."
They went down the stairs to the street, where they let their footsteps guide
them back into the main open areas of the concourse. After a long time,
Nazarine said, "She fears her own people more than she fears me, or
Shipsecurity."
Dorje looked
off, and said, "That might tell you something about what kind of
organization she comes from. But let me ask you, what are you that they would
hunt you so thoroughly?"
She
answered, "I am someone who escaped something no one was supposed to
escape from. They fear what I know. What they don't know is that I don't know
what they think I do. If they had left it alone, I would never have come this
far."
He said,
"You should move to a more secure room."
She shook
her head. "No. That one is not an operative. I could see that. And you
have Kham under surveillance. He will doubtless become aware of that. No, I can
protect myself adequately."
Out in the
concourse, they passed one of the small uprights containing a communications
terminal, and Dorje checked in on the net now covering the movements of Cesar
Kham. After a moment, he told Faren and Nazarine, "He doesn't seem to be
aware he's being covered, but nonetheless he seems to have retired for the
night. Curious, that: it's early yet. But in essence they have him covered. I
think we can relax for a little bit. I would like to stop working for a bit and
sit down to a fine dinner—or at the least a glass of cold beer. Yes?"
Faren
immediately agreed. Nazarine first demurred, but as she did so she became
conscious of the undeniable fact that she couldn't recall when she had eaten
last. Then she agreed.
Doije said,
"There's a fine place not very far from here that serves an excellent
braised fowl, accompanied by pilaf and green peppers, ranging from interesting
to excruciating. And they serve cold beer," he added, raising one finger
vertically, demonstratively. "I believe it's called The Bel Canto."
And suiting action to intent, he set off across a wooded glade of drooping
shaggybark trees to emerge on the far side almost in front of the very place he
was seeking.
Nazarine
looked at the place and exclaimed, "It looks like a waterfront tavern,
and disreputable at that!" She laughed, and added, "Do they include
drunken sailors as part of the decor?"
Doije
pretended to look aloof, and said, in a mock-haughty tone, "No aspect of
the illusion of reality is too good for our guests. We even furnish brawls for
a fee."
Nazarine
nodded. "I'm sure." The establishment bore the facade of stucco
arches, washed a stained pink, with globular lanterns hanging from metal rods
bridging them. Through this arcade crowds eddied and flowed, around flimsy
metal tables at which customers sat, reading newspapers, books, or drinking
various beverages: espresso, clear ouzo which turned milky when one added water
to it, slender, crude glasses filled with an oily green liquid—absinth—and
crocks of brew. Inside, as they passed through the foyer, was even more
detailed: here people were eating, drinking, conversing, devouring various
grilled, spitted, and smoked foods, gesticulating with their hands to emphasize
various points. The din of their voices and the rattle of crockery was
deafening.
They found a
winding path through the chaos, ducked down a low hallway, and emerged, after a
short, cramped stairwell, back into the night, and the matchless quiet of an
arbor covered with grapevines growing along rustic rough-hewn poles. This part
was almost empty, and they could choose their table, rude planks covered by a
checkered tablecloth. A girl came to take their order, wearing a linen peasant
blouse, a loose cotton skirt, and barefooted.
Dorje
ordered, including a round of beer for each of them, and sat back in his chair.
"And now, for a small carouse." Nazarine looked off across the arbor,
under the grapevines, and said, "It will have to be small. The events of
the day are catching up with me."
He said,
"To be sure. We have a cure for that, too. You are our guest."
Faren added,
"Whether they have a handle on Kham or not, I would hold your room to be
less than safe. We should watch over you for a time."
The girl
returned, bringing a tray of frosted mugs and a pitcher of beer. Nazarine said,
taking a mug for herself, "I don't refuse, but I need to be alone for a
bit."
Faren
answered, "No, it's the other way. You shouldn't be. Now is when you need
company, forgetfulness. And," she added, "there is still much you
should learn about us. The best way is to experience it."
Nazarine
sensed a subtle pressure behind the statements, almost an invitation, but she
wasn't sure yet to what. She shrugged the feeling off.
What of it? No matter what they have
in mind, it certainly won't be hunting me as I have been. I could almost
welcome that.
After what
seemed a short time, the barefoot peasant girl returned with a larger tray,
containing, as Dorje had claimed, platters of braised fowl, pilaf, and a plate
of several sorts of peppers, some of which looked suspicious indeed. Dorje
stirred from his reclining posture and indicated a round, pale pepper which
seemed inoffensive. "Appearances are deceiving with these if you have no
experience with them. This one, for example, is not for the unprepared, while
this deadly looking little purple number has nothing but fine taste to
recommend it." He rolled his eyes, popped the round pepper in his mouth,
and immediately followed it with a bite of fowl, an expression of alarm growing
across his face.
After the meal, which all three
attacked with singleminded determination with little conversation in between,
the serving girl brought another round of the icy beer, pungent with hops, and
they settled back. Nazarine had, more than once, caught herself smiling at
Dorje's adventures with the peppers, which had been heroic, epic, and wildly
comical all at once. Now, his face perspiring from his exertions, he sat back
and sipped guiltily at the beer, looking around from time to time to see if
anyone had noticed them. Faren had been more restrained, less volatile, but she
also had attacked the peppers and beer. Now her eyes were alight, dancing,
alert. She thought, How could I have ever thought her dull and businesslike?
But there
was an element common to both of them, presumably both members of this strange
transtellar civilization, which she could not recall seeing on Oerlikon: an
ability to let go, to become a magnified version of themselves, to express a
unique strangeness which lay at the heart of every individual. This was part of
the whole she was seeking, too.
She
ventured, "I am now full, also of beer, and wonder, why of all you could
choose to ask, why you have not asked why these people follow me with such
dedicated persistence, causing so much ruin along the way."
Faren
volunteered, "You were clearly being harried by tramps and thieves] It
didn't take me long to understand that! And since you were as green as you were,
it would engage me to oppose whatever was going on."
Dorje's
answer was more complex, and much of the merriment left him gradually while he
composed it. "Inhabited space is large, larger than one person can
encompass in a lifetime. Crime and vice exist, never doubt it! Enforcement
remains limited. One cannot correct all evils. Therefore we try, as an ideal,
to attain an overlapping consensus on agreeable points. We agree to differ, so
to speak. Also consider that some things remain relatively stable. This ship,
for example. Many factors shape this vessel, and only a minority are within
the realm of science and technology. Some forces are economic, others are
human constants, others still constants of other sapient creatures with which
we have traffic through a series of mutual accommodations. You can't enforce
ways of thinking—only behavior. So here, for me, this: your pursuers, for one
reason or another, do not choose to invite us to help capture you. Either that
pursuit is clearly criminal in itself, or else we have a spillover from one
sphere into another. This life Faren and I inhabit is one sphere, with clear
limits. Suppose you were a religious refugee, fleeing the grim derogators of
infallible doctrine. So long as you behave reasonably here, your
differences there must not enter into it. You came to us, asked us what
our rules were; they set to work breaking them without stint, and they show
signs of knowing them better than you, perhaps better than I."
"Surely
you have curiosity."
"Of
course! And yet we are each in part dreams and fluff and projections of what
we would wish to be. This is how we come to terms with all the interesting
things we will never have a chance to be. In order that I have the ability to
project, I must allow you that same latitude. I see before me someone who is
driven by purpose—whatever that is—and I also see an attractive girl who wishes
very much to be accepted as what she seems to be. What you were
before—therefore— must be your own. I will not spoil your illusion. Besides,
you did not ask us what we were beforetimes, or why we spend our lives in this
cargo-pallet between worlds, why I reside in the Securityman barracks and Faren
keeps to the Technicians' cubicles. It is in part a germ of truth in what the
Acrobats of Pintang suggest in their rites, that the magic is accidental,
aleatory, and we must take it as we may. Let the higher-ups scheme and plot: we
will take what is ours, the fleeting luminous moment."
Faren said,
"Well said! I had not heard you declaim so before. But true! Antinomy lies
everywhere, therefore we do not inquire into ultimates too closely. It would
fracture what little coherence we have. We
accept you as you are, yes. Be what
you wish to be. Conduct no inquisitions, attack no innocents, and . . ."
Dorje added, nonsensically, "Rotate your tires." He had become
slightly tipsy. Faren stood up and stretched, catlike, and suggested, "We
will fall into terrible habits if we stay here."
Dorje
agreed, and also stood. "Exactly! There are more sights to be seen, things
we will show you. You fear forgetting what was good and will be no more. We do
not ask you to forget, but to understand. It all has its place."
Nazarine
smiled despite herself. "Where to now?"
Dorje
said, "First a longer stroll, to clear the fumes away, and then, I think,
to the baths." "The baths?" "You are new to us, but you
will become us. We will initiate you. You must become."
"Become
what?"
"Yourself."
Arunda Palude sat where she had been
for a long time after Nazarine had left, thinking, reflecting, considering. She
could not, try as she would, find an alternative to the situation as it
appeared to her. She thought she had done well enough in meeting with the girl.
She thought, It's impossible, but that thing actually is a complete, genuine
woman. No imitation1 And sure of herself, too. Yes, she had done well
enough, but of course it wasn't good enough; merely a sop to the little sense
of honor she had left, the old loyalties. Their efforts and long mission had
come to nothing, outmaneuvered at every turn and juncture by this creature, who
seemed to distort the very laws of probability. She had cut them apart like a
surgeon, isolated them with an instinct which was terrifying, like a magic, or
some fantastic superability. We have failed. Moreover, our acts may have,
probably did, activate it against the very thing we feared. It seemed to
her in one way that this arrangement of things had just happened, but another
way, she could see a thread of causality stretching back and back, past herself
and Kham, into a time she could not imagine. She caught herself almost, but not
quite, asking the fatal question—what had the regents been doing on Oerlikon,
anyway?
But she
rejected that line of thinking. That way leads me into impossible, totally
untenable paths. She thought of the long years on Oerlikon, a lifetime
committed to a specific sense of identity, purpose, goals. I cannot throw it
away. But the conclusions of this evening's work could not be escaped,
either: we have failed. What was to have been mine cannot now be. We cannot
return, we cannot go forward. For a time Kham may proceed, but his progress is
an illusion. Zeno's paradox! The closer he comes, the slower he goes. He will
never catch her while she dismembers Heliarcos like a witless cretin
dismembering some insect. And Kham, she saw, would dredge up every skill he
knew, long after it had become hopeless. It was already past that point. And he
would blunder onward like a berserk machine out of control, steadily increasing
the casualty rate of bystanders, innocents. She saw it!
For a
second, the possibility flickered before her of going the other way, of giving
Nazarine the pieces of the puzzle she needed. That would be a relief. Perhaps
the girl was correct, right, and their pattern wrong. Tempting, but
unthinkable. She could not go against every decision she had participated in.
It was a sorry pass to be in.
The awful
sense of depression deepened as she thought of one more horror: they could not
communicate with Heliarcos, either. Not until they stopped at some place which
had planetary mass. The old way, when the project had been on, they had relays
good to a certain distance. But here, now, they were bound to the routines of
the everyday universe. We can't even tell them that the thunderbolt is
loosed, and falling on them, through the negation of transitspace.
She arose,
and went to the windows, to look out on the street below the apartment over the
jeweler's. It was late, and passersby were few, or else congregating in the
parks and plazas of the concourse proper, not in this isolated little byway.
The shops were all closed now, anyway.
She turned
away from the window, and walked slowly, carefully blanking her mind, into the
small bedroom. There it was dark, the shades drawn against the streetlights
outside. She felt the edge of the bed, and lay out full-length on it, feeling a
sense of purpose coming back to her. She thought clearly, / do not wish to
witness any more of this. And, There is one way left.
She felt back
in her mouth for a false tooth, implanted against the necessity that one day
she might have had to face the redoubtable Femisticleo Chugun in the
interrogation rooms of Lisagor. Arunda clamped her jaw down hard, feeling the
material give a little, and then snap. A sudden flavor, as if of cardamom, or
oil of eucalyptus, filled her mouth and nostrils. She swallowed, nervously, and
waited, fearing, and yet relieved.
I have control in this. The bottom
line. There was no pain, or discomfort. She felt sleepy, and her mind
wandered, daydreaming. For a moment, she seemed to sink slowly. Never had she
felt so tired. Drifting on the edge, circling a whirlpool that led down into a
cool darkness, dreaming. She felt her self draw closer, and the acceleration began.
17
"Looking
at a collection of old photographs, it came to me that those events, now so
quaint and meaningless to me/now, once meant something terribly important to
them/then; now all for the most part vanished back into the earth they sprung
from, leaving only these small artifacts behind no one understands the significance
of today. But for them the sky displayed its infinite permutations, the
seasons changed, wheel in the sky. For them, the men were handsome, stalwart,
full of visions, and the women lovely, immediate, supple. . . the vine-covered
sun-drenched summer afternoons of a thousand watermelon yesterdays. That/then
was as real as is this/now, to us: terribly significant, filled with meaning
and mystery, by turns warm and comforting, or else dire and full of unspeakable
menace. Each of us would like to think that our own mew is the brightest, but
it was always bright to each of us, bittersweet and fading even as we reached
for it. Perhaps a commonplace, still it needs resaying, maybe several times
over, that we don't denigrate them, and that we don't enlarge ourselves too
much."
—H.C.,
Atropine
IN HIS LONG career as
an agent, fixer of mistakes, instiller of renewed zeal, and supervisor of
various clandestine operations, actions, and deeds by night and day, Cesar Kham
had always operated well within the bounds of the elementary tactical theory he
had learned when he had been selected to enter the Oerlikon project. He had
grown used to that theory, at home in it, sensitive to degrees of concepts
within it. He knew, sometimes to fine detail, exactly to what degree he was
being followed, if indeed he was. The problem was that on Oerlikon, within Lisagor,
one only saw a certain range of these activities, and for the rest of possible
techniques, one either forgot them from disuse or came in time to ignore them.
He understood now, aboard Kalmia, that this was a failing that could be
fatal, and so he spent his first few hours away from Palude recalling his
lessons, some of them rusty indeed, trying once again to bring up the skills
that had enabled him—and others—to move about Lisagor undetected and
unsuspected.
Back in the
multiple-occupant quarters he had been assigned to, too big to be called a
room, and too small to be called a barracks or dormitory, Kham lay back on his
bunk and meditated on what he had seen so far, and what inferences he could
possibly draw from it. This kind of accommodation they called a
"bay," he thought irrelevantly. But he recalled in full clarity
and high contrast the fact that he had sighted another group of strolling,
apparently aimless Securitymen, near the entrance to his bay section.
They've got a random grid on me.
This was a
refined pattern designed to keep a loose tether on a subject, and to narrow
the search range should they wish to move in. So soon1. But a
glaring anomaly persisted. That they reacted so swiftly, that argued for the
solution of a crime; but that in turn brought with it the idea that
apprehension would shortly follow. And it hadn't. Instead, this zone-defense
operation. Kham had carefully pruned his psyche of paranoid tendencies, but
even with that, he knew with virtual certainty that the net he had seen was
clearly aimed at him. And he could reasonably assume that they'd know within
minutes if he tried to escape the confines of this bay, for some other part of
the ship. Openly. There had to be a way. One could evade a zone defense of men.
There were simple exercises to accomplish that. And that was why the
Securitymen were accompanied by Lenosz. You could make a play on the human
nervous system by sleight of hand, but the olfactory sense of the Lenosz would
render the usual range of disguises useless. The conclusion was not difficult:
he had to find some point of access into the ship's own internal passageway
system. Use of the public corridors and areas would alert them immediately.
Thus invisible, he could accomplish many things, before they could locate him
again. Kham had no doubts what the conclusion of this would be, no illusions.
He knew that if he could reach the peak of his powers, he could probably
survive for some time aboard Kalmia—he had heard tales of that very
thing. But he'd never get off it anywhere or within any time that would do him
any good.
Ironic,
that: the name of the ship was the name of a lovely, delicate flower, quite
scentless, which grew on a quaint, gnarled, fibrous-barked tree of Earth. Whose
sap and foliage were deadly poisonous. Yes. One moved warily among the
evergreen shiny leaves of Kalmia Latifolia.
Kham tried
to recall what he knew about the interior arrangement of the large, deep-space
liners. They were irregular, bulky structures, utterly unstreamlined. Inside,
they were chains of open areas, the concourses, which were joined by trunk
corridors, often deliberately designed to be rambling, indirect, partly to give
the passengers something to do, and partly to discourage mass movements from
one area to another. Between areas there were more direct routes, not really restricted,
but plain and intended primarily for crew use. Besides these accessible
volumes, there were the crew areas, generally insulated from the passenger
areas by blind pockets and mazes. But there was also a maintenance access
system, a way technicians could follow and repair the miles of piping, HVAC
ductwork from Environmental, electropneumatic lines. There were also
waveguides and optical channels for inship communications and cybernetic
systems. Kham reasoned that access into the maintways would have to be simple
and available at many points. But of course the entries would be hidden, or
locked, or subtly disguised. After all, it wouldn't do to make it easy. A
person could hide in one of these ships, assuming he had food and water, for
years.
He knew from
the orientation of the corridor outside, that the bays were separated from
their neighbors only by a simple bulkhead. He doubted if the maintways ran as
far as between rooms and bays. But there was the floor, the ceiling, and the
back wall opposite the door. He was alone, so his task was a bit easier: he
carefully went over the floor, looking for almost invisible seam lines,
recessed DZUS fasteners, slight mismatches of tilings that would betray an
access point. There were none. The floor was tiled in a curious irregular
pentagonal tiling that was difficult to follow with the eye, which suggested
camouflage, but there was no break in it. The ceiling was featureless and
seamless. The light fixtures were clearly only that, and besides, were far too
small. That left the back wall.
There was a
row of small vents along the juncture with the ceiling, small, unobtrusive. He
looked along the floor line; another set of the small vents there. Inlet below,
outlet above. He looked harder at the wall. It was divided into vertical bands,
broken at odd intervals by horizontal mouldings. Yes. It had to be somewhere
on that wall. The vertical bands were separated by different widths of
paneling; some narrow, some broad. He went to one side and began testing the
wider ones.
Kham
finished at the far end of the back wall. None of the panels seemed to have any
give, either way. Moreover, they sounded solid when rapped.
Part of the
wall was interrupted by a small table or shelf, partly built-in, part supported
by struts from the floor. He looked under the table. There was a single square
panel there, not quite the same color as the rest of the room. As if it had
been replaced. Yes. He felt along the edge, pushed, at first to no purpose, but
by pushing in and up in the center, the panel gave first inward, and then swung
up. Kham crawled into the space without hesitation, reached back, and swung the
panel shut, taking one last look back into the room as he did so. There was no
one there. The panel clicked faintly.
He breathed
deeply, looked around. This was a different universe. There was lighting here
but it was very dim, just enough to make out general outlines. This was at the
end of the maintways, and was close. Piping, cable trays, ductwork joining into
larger assemblies. He recognized a microwave waveguide. He was in a small
pocket, joined to a corridor, a little wider, in which he could stand. He
looked carefully. To the left, that was the way to the cohab rooms. The sound
down there was flat, deadened. The ductwork got smaller down that way as it
passed bay junctions. That had to be dead-ended. The other way, then, to the
right. He stepped onto a metal grating, roughened for sure tread and set off
along the corridor. At first, his footsteps sounded on the grating, but he
forced himself to step lightly, almost glide along, using an irregular rhythm;
there were faint sounds in the maintway, clicks, hollow, distant thuds,
fragments of sounds, logoi of an unknown language. At intervals small lights
illuminated the dark tangle, which grew more dense to the sides as he went
farther. The corridor turned and twisted, running in short, straight jogs.
Finally he reached stairs going down through several turns. There was slightly
more light down there, but no sense of presence. Kham carefully negotiated the stairs,
guessing that he had made it out to the main trunk corridor leading out onto
the lower concourse.
At the
bottom, he was disappointed for a moment. This was a small junction with no
frills, no hint of going anywhere. But as he looked around, he felt a surge of
anticipation. There was a map. It was mounted on a board, behind scarred and
dented plastic, difficult to see in the weak light, but it was a map. Kham
forced himself to relax, and then began making a series of stretching motions
to limber himself up. A map. Now he could move. He had known that there would
have to be one, somewhere.
The orthography of the system map
was simple and direct, and presented the ship, as seen from the point of view
of its functioning systems; to the end of simplifying the system aspect, some
distortion could not be avoided, and the particular distortion was in the area
of scale. What was a straight line on the map might not be, and usually was
not, a straight line upon which a human being could walk. But Cesar Kham was
not daunted by these difficulties: he plotted the courses he would have to
take, and began following them out, doggedly and persistendy, passing along the
dim catwalks and runs, sometimes in near-darkness. In many ways, it was a
strange and surrealistic journey he was making, a passage through the
underworld. Sometimes he could catch faint echoes of voices, or of distant work
going on, a dropped wrench, a profane or scatological exclamation. Then he
stopped, and became very silent, and listened. More often than not, he heard
nothing. Had he heard anything? He could not be sure.
Apparendy
the maintways were not popular places. It was easy to understand that: they
were ill-lit, where lit at all, and their routes seemed convenient to no
passage. This was the slow way. A labyrinth. But when he came to relatively
broad thoroughfares, straight bores running directly through the bowels of the
ship, he fairly raced along, exulting that if it was troublesome to him, it
would be doubly so to anyone interested in following him. They would have to
take the ship apart a section at a time.
For a time,
he caught himself almost enjoying the experience, the thrill, the subterranean
ecstasy of slinking unseen through the hidden ways. They even thoughtfully
provided ration stations at certain points along the way, presumably for the
workers who might be engaged in these passages for extended times. The food
wasn't fancy: basic nutriment cakes and distilled water. Kham thought more
than once that if worse came to worst, he could just remain here. Become a
ghost, living from moment to moment, while outside the years passed, and uncounted
parsecs between stars, sectors, crossings run over and over again.
In no way
could the shape of the ship be discerned from the arrangement of the maintway
access lines. Neither the outside nor the open, public interior parts. Indeed,
from what he could see of it, he could not recognize any part; he might have
been near a concourse or far away from one. All he knew were the piping, the ductwork,
the careful geometry of waveguides, the odd angularity of water and
reclamation lines.
Once he
caught sight of a party of people. They didn't see him, he thought. At first,
he thought they might be a maintenance crew, but as he watched, they seemed to
accomplish no activity, nor did they seem prepared to work. Far off, across a
tangle of piping, the group sat in an unused open section with a cleated floor.
They spoke to one another in low, whispery voices that seemed to float,
disembodied, in the damp and the cool darkness. Stowaways, escapees? He did not
know; he could not discern their conversation, which seemed to go on
interminably. And if they were hiding down here, then what would they talk
about? The world they left behind, now virtually imaginary, legendary, the
"real world," where people succeeded, built bright, shining cities,
walked proudly among the shining towers with their healthy, prosperous families.
Here they were safe, more or less, at least as safe as the crew and passengers,
fed. Somehow they found a way to make some sort of order among themselves. But
they were prisoners, too. Safe here, in the guts and nerve linkages, they could
never reenter the other world.
The journey
went on, interminably. He reached an area, which according to the diagrams and
schematics, was close by concourse level four, where he was going. He knew he
had to start looking for a way out. In this section, there were a lot of water
lines, and underneath, holding tanks, heaters, all sorts of accessory equipment.
Overhead there was a tremendous flat construction, condensation dripping
randomly from the bottom. From the main section, which seemed to have no
visible end from his viewpoint, smaller lines seemed to connect to satellite
enclosures which had both power and air connections, as well as the extensive
water lines, pumps, and filtration associated with the larger mass. A
hydroponic unit? Possible. But why the side tanks? And, more significantly,
there seemed to be no entry from the maintway system, which he would have
thought would have been a necessity. Also, there was heavy structural bracing
and supporting structure associated with this area, much more than usual.
Kham
consulted the chart, at the next major junction. Deciphering the small print and
symbols in the dim light, he discovered he was under an area called The Baths,
which was in fact an enormous swimming pool. Presumably the satellite tanks
were smaller cubicles which could only be reached underwater, by swimming. He
looked upward again, tracing out the outlines. Yes. There were different
levels, and the thing was mostly flat-bottomed. He went back to the schematic,
now tracing out the water lines, the conventions of architectural symbols.
Circulation, heating, and here (tracing the pathways out with his finger), he
could follow the main fill lines, as well as an emergency dump system, with
simply huge pipes, which seemed to lead to a sealed reservoir. How did they
keep the people from going down the drains when they dumped? Sirens, early
warnings, waterphones? That they would have such a construction aboard a ship
argued an ability to anticipate emergencies in time to act on them which amazed
him.
And a pool,
too. That implied something about the long-term stability of the ship, too. One
would never think twice about a pool on the surface of a planet, but in a
spaceship? The idea gave him a subtle sense of distortion, a nightmarish
world-gone-negative quality. He was crawling about on the wrong side, of an
interface between two unrealities. The real universe had ceased to matter, and
of course, once that, had ceased to exist. What moved? Ship or passing
universe? He shook his head violently and muttered a Clispish oath under his
breath, an incestuous obscenity.
Kham looked
back at the map. Here would certainly be a number of access-points into the
other world of the passengers' ship. He oriented himself according to the
chart, and, glancing upward from time to time, studied the configuration of the
massive tanks overhead. Finally, he saw there was an access point, not too far
away, up an elevated catwalk, into a warm-air ductwork system, and out through
a grille. Looking about once more to get his bearings fixed, he started off,
away from the chart junction.
He found the
catwalk, which rapidly ascended into the maze of lines either serving the baths
or detouring around it. It was just like the chart symbolized, easy to follow
from memory; Kham climbed ascending ramps, ladders, short traverses, presently
finding himself passing directly beside the bulging flank of the main tank. He
felt the material, gently, so as not to make any noise. It was not metal, but a
composite material, covered with a layer of a softer mass, perhaps insulation.
Here and there the covering had been disturbed—torn or abraded, and the inner
material showed through. It seemed glassy, transparent.
Ahead was
one of the side-tanks. His pathway passed over the tube that connected it with
the main tank, over a short ladder. At the top something caught his eye in the
darkness, a streak of light from the satellite tank. He looked closer. Here a
patch of the insulating material had been carefully peeled back. Kham stopped
and looked. The material on the tanks was semi-transparent, and here one could
see through it, somewhat indistinctly, but nevertheless one could see. He
suppressed an inane chuckle. Was that entertainment for the maintcrews? To
climb up in here and peer into a side chamber? He looked into the tank.
Whatever the material was, it did
not transmit sound well, or at all, and it only transmitted light along a
narrow path. You could not see the far edges of the chamber.
In this one
there were three people, a man and two women, sitting on a ledge built into the
tank. All three were nude, but at the moment seemed to be doing nothing of
particular interest. The view was slightly blurred, but he tried to make them
out. The man was slim, wiry, well-muscled. One woman was pale, with a rather
long body and short legs, slightly built, not particularly young. The other was
. . . hard to see, because of the angle. Something familiar, something just beyond
perception. Yes. Long legs, full breasts. Younger than the other two, more
smoothly curved. She sat, clasping her knees. The other woman moved out of the
field of view momentarily, and returned, and began rubbing the girl's back. She
lifted her face up from her knees, and almost looked directly at him. However,
she was not looking at anything. Her eyes were unfocused. But he recognized the
face immediately. It was Nazarine. The slender woman moved closer, on her
knees, and began working the girl's shoulders, the back of her neck. He could
see movement of their faces; they were talking. The man gestured to her with a
hand, and extended it to her, and she reached, hesitantly, and took it.
Kham looked
away, back into the underways, the dimness, the half-light. The piping, the
ductwork. He put the insulating material back the way he had found it, and
violently rubbed his face to massage the tension out of it.
Right there!
Not three meters away! Playing threesomes while I crawl through the sewers for
my very life. And there's no way to get through that stuff, we don't even know
how thick it is. And even if I can actually get out, up farther, there's no way
I could find that particular chamber before they left it. Crap and diarrhea!
He thought
of what he was actually doing, trying to reach Palude secretly, and the
thought sobered him. Kham looked about him, regrouped his bearings, and
climbed down, to the next catwalk. After a passage through a narrowing series
of rising accesses, Kham found his way blocked by a large, smooth tube, with an
oval airlock protruding from it. The way ended here. This was the ductwork. He
looked back along the way he had come: the view was no different than what he
had been looking at before: pipes, tubes, grids of narrow walkways, bulkheads.
Dim, distant lights. A maze, a labyrinth. He opened the outer door and crawled
into a mini-airlock, pulling the door shut behind him before opening the other
door, immediately in front of him. Not to have a pressure leak—that would set
alarms off all over this ship.
Opening the
inner lock, he found himself in a tubular passage, the air moving slowly, warm
and humid. This would be the exit air line from the baths, and to his left,
facing the airflow, there would be a removable grille. Kham stooped over,
half-crouched, and began walking forward, feeling his muscles protest at the
unnatural posture, grimacing in the dark. Not quite completely dark. Light was
leaking into the air duct from somewhere ahead.
The line
ended at a locker room, which seemed to be empty. There was no motion, no
sound. Far off, he could hear splashing, voices, but it was far away. Now.
He pressed at the grille, and for a moment felt a cold wash of pure panic when
it didn't give. He sat back, trying to think it out. He reached, caught the
grille, and pulled, felt it move, and release, and then it swung up, back into
the locker room. Kham stepped out, and replaced the grille.
He wasn't certain
which way to go from here, but toward the sounds seemed the only way; he set
off and traversed the room, finding that it ended at a blind passage that led
one way, left, to the baths, and right, apparently, to the concourse. Kham went
right, and began walking in what he imagined was an ordinary manner after the
stooping and ducking under pipes he had been doing. This passageway joined
others, flowed into a lobby, and into a courtyard of ornamental paving, overhung
by the graceful shapes of Benjamin Figs, here grown to unheard-of sizes. The
courtyard apparently was down. One had to go up. The lights of the concourse
seemed far away, across enormous spaces. Here, small footlights followed the
pathways. But there was a sense of open space, and darkness far, far overhead.
Much more so than the area he had left behind. Other folk passed, parties of
several men and women, couples, some family groups, all busy, chattering,
oblivious. Kham wanted to run but could think of no reasonable excuse to do so.
At the top,
where the sunken courtyard merged with the general level of the concourse, he
located a bank of public communicators, and used one to call for the location
of one passenger Morelat Eikarinst. The operator read out the address, and on
the accompanying vid display, caused a simple map to be traced, showing him
where it was in relation to where he was. He broke the connection and set off.
At another commpoint, he called the number that went with the rooms, but there
was no answer. Now Kham looked about him carefully, eyes scanning the crowds,
now thinning as night became very late indeed. He sensed no pattern. He thought
that curious, inasmuch as he had almost given them his position, if they were
covering him closely as he thought they might. He thought about that as he
walked, and of all of it, that made the least sense. Or perhaps he had truly
done something unexpected, and actually gotten away from the watch on him,
momentarily. They would still be looking, back down in steerage, area-covering,
waiting for him to move. If so, he had to make the most of it. He couldn't keep
on going up, into higher classes; even here, he would be out of place, but
higher—he'd stand out like a polecat at a picnic.
Kham found
the area, rather sooner than he imagined it would be, and located the store
easily. The rooms above were dark. He went up the stairs, and knocked at the
door. No one answered. He hesitated, listening, feeling. There was no
presence, no sense of tension. He tried the door, and it was unlocked. Inside,
light came from the streetlights outside, and the faraway concourse lights. It
was a simple arrangement: a sitting room, with a small kitchen unit toward the
rear. A hallway with doors—there would be closets and the bathroom. And double
doors beyond. Two bedrooms.
There was a
peculiar air to the place, a suspense he couldn't quite identify. Someone had
been here, he could tell that. Small things were out of place. A glass by the
sink. Palude's wrap was laid across the sofa. She had been here. He went quickly
to one of the rooms, pushed open the door. Nothing. The room was empty. He
pushed the other door, and saw Palude asleep on the bed, completely relaxed,
mouth open slightly. But it bothered him that she would lie down to sleep and
leave the door unlocked, or that she would sleep with her clothes on. And then
it dawned on him that she was very still, and that her chest did not move with
breathing. He approached the bed slowly, reached to Palude hesitantly, and
touched her forearm. Cold. It was cold. Arunda was dead.
Kham's first
thought was, Dead, and not a mark on her! Now Nazarine repays me for the
things I have inflicted on her. He turned away, and stepped back out into
the hallway. There was still no sound, no sign of pursuit, or of a trap closing.
Then he thought, There is nothing I can do here. Best I leave quickly. I've
got things to do yet before they close the net on me. Kham looked back,
once, and then turned back to the apartment. He left, closing the door behind
him, and walked down the stairs to the alley and the street, not thinking
anything. He let his steps guide him aimlessly back into the concourse, now
noticeably thinning out and almost empty, save for a few night owls and small
groups of tipsy revelers, who ignored him. It seemed that he thought nothing
as he walked, but when he reached a secluded spot and sat on a bench to think
it over, he understood that in some strange subterranean manner, he had already
made up his mind. Oh, yes, it was all clear now. He knew what he had to do with
a clarity he had seldom known in his life. And from here on it would be for
himself, not for Oerlikon, not for Heliarcos. He assayed the difficulties, the
odds, the forces now arraying against him. It would be difficult, yes. But it
could be done.
18
"The real evil in the world
(never never never doubt for an instant that it exists) does not reside in the
dark towers of sorcerers nor in the black hearts of thaumaturges, nor yet in
the schemes of dictators, kings, or chairmen, but simply in the petty crimes,
evasions, petit-betrayals, arrogances and insults we all take on the hubris to
practice on one another, imagining that each of us is the center of the
universe, that it was created expressly for us. Hal Don't expect you can cure
this by law or logic; the counter simply doesn't exist in those quarters."
—H.C.,
Atropine
NAZARINE WOKE UP in a strange room, to the sounds of
someone apparently pottering around in a kitchen. These quarters were not
passenger spaces, she could see that; a long, narrow room, with an oddly high
ceiling. A cubicle behind the head of the bed, and across the room, the other
wall was taken up with bookshelves, electronic devices, a desk, whose sole
ornament was an abstract sculpture in some lustrous gray metal, all flowing
curves. Everything was done in apparently industrial fabrics, in soft, muted
colors, neutral gray, dove-blue, accents in rust and plum. It conveyed a subtle
sense of ownership, and of opposites carefully balanced: discipline, countered
by slight luxuries: the bed was soft to the touch, but firm in support. She
called out, "Where did I wind up?"
Faren Kiricky looked around the
corner, the black and silver curls making a contrast with the hard gray lines
of the room. "It seems I entertained guests last night in my modest
suite." She vanished back into the kitchen unit, an alcove off to the
right. Presently she reappeared, wearing a loose caftan of a soft, flowing
charcoal-colored stuff. "After the baths, we went to Harry's for a
nightcap. You were much taken with the potations, and, Dorje and I, thinking
you would be better off with us, brought you here and tucked you in.
Simple."
"True,
I was very relaxed. We . . ."
"A
little magic, that's all. May not have the chance again. Not to worry."
"I felt
good."
"Of
course. So did I. They are rare occasions: something extra."
"I feel
as if I'd stolen something from you."
"Wouldn't
be here if you had."
"What
is your relationship with Dorje?"
"We are
something more than simple friends, and something less than owning each other.
We do not seek to imprison the other by reaching for what permanently can't be
had."
"Is
this unusual?"
"Not in
the circumstances, no. People like us, living as we do . . . it couldn't be
much of any other way. We form loose groups because no one can take them away
from us, and yet we also leave the door open for chance encounters, a little
magic. You are new to this, I can see, so have a care. Take it and learn and go
free."
"Where
is Dorje, back at work?"
"In
part. He is out looking into the whereabouts of our friend. As a fact, he's
overdue, now. He was supposed to come back here for something to eat."
Nazarine sat
up and slid out of the bed gingerly, expecting a sudden headache, but there
wasn't one. The cubicle behind the bed proved to be a bath cabinet, which she
used after some hesitation over the controls. And after she had gotten it
started, she hadn't wanted to come out. But eventually she did. Her clothes
were folded neatly on the bed, freshly cleaned. As she dressed, Faren told her,
"We didn't want to go all the way back to your room to get fresh clothes,
so . . ."
"You
went to no trouble."
"No.
It's automatic. A processor in the closet."
There was a
soft rapping at the door. Faren opened it from the kitchen, and Dorje entered
Faren's room, with his usual loose alertness and dancer's grace overlaid with
some tension. Nazarine saw it immediately. She said, "Something's
wrong?"
He nodded.
"Very wrong. Two wrongs. The woman, who is listed as Morelat Eikarinst,
killed herself last night after we left her. Had a false tooth, complete with
poison."
Faren came
out of the kitchen unit and asked, "Do they know what kind? Different
groups have their preferences. . . ."
"Ship's
surgeon says the main ingredient was a buffered andrometoxin.
It primarily lowers blood pressure.
The buffering apparently is to mask its intense bitter flavor and subdue the
side effects. Interesting stuff:: C31H50O10.
Faren asked,
"Why interesting?"
"It's
not common at all. As a fact, it comes from plants originally found on Earth,
the laurel group." "Then she was from Earth?" "Definitely
not. Body chemistry indicates two places, neither on
Earth. One is recent, the other
traces. Where she lived and where she came from. Where she lived, they can't identify."
Nazarine
said, "That would be Oerlikon. She was there."
Dorje
nodded. "Reasonable enough. Then you'd show the same trace elements, as
would Pentrel'k, or Kham. But the other part, that's a rich one.
Heliarcos." He looked at Faren, meaningfully.
Nazarine
asked, "What's Heliarcos?"
Dorje
answered, "A strange sort of place. It's in part a university, in part a
research center, maybe some other things. But it happens to be a place where
the early settlers brought the laurel group, and they apparently thrived. It's
fairly well known for that; most Earth plants don't do well on other planets.
But andrometoxin's associated with a history of, shall we say, very odd
incidents."
Nazarine
asked, "What sort?"
"Different
places. . . . The deaths are always suicides, and the victims are always
ultimately associated with Heliarcos. But beyond that, they don't follow it up:
the circumstances don't seem to threaten anyone."
"What
are the circumstances?"
"People
working in medical research areas."
Nazarine could
almost see the answer coming. But she asked anyway, "Do you know what kind
of medical research?"
"Odd
that you'd ask. The surgeon knew and told me. Hormone system work. Anything
from the way the body makes specific message units up from a cholesterol
precursor, to organ responses. I mean, it's open scientific work, so why have a
spy in it in the first place. But he said it's odd enough to have been cited in
the literature."
"Why do
they elect to kill themselves?"
"No one
has ever found that out. Oh, there are suspicions, but nothing that can be
confirmed. And remember, it's not very common. There are a lot of worlds, and
people die every day. Andrometoxin's had its day, and now it's something else
in the poisoner's handbook. Yesterday, Andrometoxins; tomorrow,
Phalloidins."
"How
so, 'had its day?"
"Most
of the cases noted are several generations back, in fact, some are far enough
to be called, properly, history."
Faren
interrupted, "You said two wrongs. What's the other one?"
"Survey
lost Kham-Pentrel'k."
"Lost
him?"
"He was
in a cul-de-sac, couldn't get out without being tracked. But he vanished."
Faren
nodded, and said, "Then he's gone into the maintways."
"That
seems to be the case. Comm reports a call was made for the woman, data given, and
not much later, someone tried to call her. Both calls were from the level four
concourse. It's a fair bet it was him. So what we think is that he used the
maintways to go to level four, emerged briefly, and then went back underground.
Lenosz confirmed he was in her rooms, but they lost the scent."
Nazarine
asked, "Can they catch him there?"
Doije shook
his head slowly, indicating not a negative, but that he didn't know the answer.
"Hard to say. Down there, it would take years to go through every part of
the system. We already know we have stowaways down in there—some of them have
been there for years."
"Could
he do any damage to the ship? He might do so, thinking he could get me that way
and be sure."
Faren said,
"He could make a nuisance in specific areas. But the ship-critical areas
are sealed off. There's no way he could get into those. No, I'm not worried
about that. But I am worried about you; he shows unusual persistence."
Nazarine
looked at them thoughtfully. "Yes. I see what I will have to do."
Dorje said,
"Ah, never worry. We can handle the likes of that, or at least keep him on
the move. When you leave us, he'll remain behind. I mean, whatever he might
have been working to save, that's useless to him now. He's truly trapped down
there."
Nazarine
said, "No offense, but I need more than defense, however good it might
be."
Dorje looked
at her sidelong. "You can't take action against him. That would endanger
you. Then you would have to hide, or Shipsec would come after you. We don't
want that. As you are, you are worth holding on to."
Nazarine
said, "No, I don't want to attack him. But I do want to find him and ask
him some things. I need to know why he pursued me so far and with such
force."
Dorje took
her arm gently. "All right. Assuming this is true, understand that you
would be dealing with a skilled and alert killer, who has risked everything and
now apparently has nothing to lose. He would be hard to find, harder to attack,
because of possible side effects. We'd have to subdue him mano-a-mano, so to
speak. Hand to hand. He won't do much talking."
"I can
handle that part. Just help me find him."
"I
can't. We don't have enough surveillance systems to close off areas and
eliminate them, the way we could in the public parts of the ship. There's food
and water down there, and as long as he keeps moving and disturbs nothing, then
he could avoid us indefinitely. We know there are some down there, already. And
he can't locate you by using shiprecords. You were already on limited-access.
Now we've isolated you completely. Whatever he wanted to do, that's over now.
He's got a defense, but the price of that is his goal. So we'll keep you until
we make planet-fall by Teragon, and there you can transship. Think about it.
Carefully."
Faren
interrupted, "While you think, eat. Breakfast is ready"
Kham now sat back in the comfortable
darkness, or more precisely, dim semi-darkness, of the maintways, munching on
meal-cake, washing the dry stuff down with a flask of distilled water. He
congratulated himself on having acted with such boldness and verve. True, he
was back underground, as he chose to think of it, although to the best of his
sense of spatial orientation he was not actually "under" but
somewhere over the section-four concourse. They hadn't expected him to suspect
the interface which allowed him to escape into the maintways, and they were
certainly laggards with regards to responding to his call. Curious, that,
indeed. He reflected that their response seemed lax, even uncaring. He finished
the meal-cake and the last of the water, and looked about himself observantly.
From where he sat, on an enormous section of duct-work, he could see only more
of the same: ducts of various sizes and shapes in cross-section, some plain and
covered only with a protective anticorrosive, others painted in bright primary
colors and further identified with cubist tiles of color patches, which
doubtless revealed more information. There were also cable trays, catwalks,
inspection ladders, piping of a hundred sorts, waveguides, all coded or
lettered. The letters, of an obscure blocky style, conveyed no more information
to him than the color patches, although he assumed he could eventually locate a
manual which would render the system intelligible.
So far, in
his inspections, he had found very few places where he could have attempted any
control of the channels he saw all about him. At some junctions there were
various switch cabinets, circuit-breaker boxes, monitor units. Some enigmatic
blank units, marked only with a pattern of colored lights, he suspected of
being slave computer monitors. All these devices were carefully secured, not
with the primitive locks and plates and chains of Oerlikon, but with more
sophisticated modern methods. Many of the cabinets were monolithic, to fission
and open only under a careful sequence of magnetic commands. Some, he did not
doubt, could only be opened with the cooperation of a remote unit, complete
with passwords and authentications. These he did not have, and could not
reasonably expect to get. Commpoints were fairly common, but of course he would
have to be extremely careful in using them. He would plan lines of retreat,
make his tests of the system, very small tests, one at a time, always leaving
the area immediately. In that manner he could eventually build up the requisite
knowledge, and finish the Morphodite off.
This area
was clearly an area of no great significance. He stood up, forgetting to duck,
and bumped his head against a cable tray, causing him to make an exclamation.
He stopped, rubbing his head gingerly, and listened carefully. No sound. Good.
He had to be careful. With all the metallic and hard surfaces around, sound
seemed to carry in unexpected fashions; many times already he had thought to
hear sounds of movement, or work, or conversation, only to find that the
source was either very far away, or invisible, hidden behind the tangles of
piping. Yes, quiet. He climbed back onto the catwalk he had been moving on and
set off the same way he had been going. There was nothing in this immediate
area he could use.
The
expanded-metal walk went forward a few meters, and then made a remarkable
detour around a mass of junctions. Beyond the junctions, the way ended in a
metal spiral with cleated metal steps, leading down. There was a nearby light,
dim, of course, but in this light, the steps seemed to be worn with much
traffic, and the way suggested somewhere important, down below. Kham set out
without delay.
He had a
picture in his mind's eye of his approximate location, relative to the
level-four concourse. But as he went down, flexing his knees at the steepness
of the spiral, he noted only an occasional landing or access-point, and his
legs began to tire. Still, he followed the spiral down. Sooner or later it had
to terminate at the ceiling of the concourse. He tried to estimate how far he
had come, but found that he could not with any accuracy. In addition, the
spiral did not run straight, but shifted orientation every so often, so that
one could not look up or down and see any great distance along its length.
Impossible to estimate. He stopped, and paused, and then set forth again, still
down. No point in going back up: he already knew there was nothing up there.
Apparently the environment was controlled at various points, too, in here as
well as out there in the main part of the ship. But now he began counting the
steps he took down. The scenery, as it were, seemed not to change appreciably.
Still pipes, waveguides, cable trays, ducts of various cross-section.
When he had
counted a thousand steps, he got off the spiral at the first landing, his legs
aching. And the spiral continued, after a slight radial jog, even farther
down! Here there was a certain dankness to the air, and some odors seemed
magnified. He touched a pipe passing overhead. It was cool, and his hand came
away wet. He looked again: beads of condensation covered the pipe. It bore no
legend save an arrow indicating direction of flow. And the landing was even
more enigmatic: The only object here was a small fuse-panel, an adjoining panel
of switches, with indicator lights, all a dull green now, and a commpoint
transceiver.
Kham looked
about uncertainly. He was sure he had started his descent from a point over
the concourse, and that being true, long before now he should have reached the
ceiling. He looked into the dim confusions of the piping, ending in darkness
only a score of feet away. Nowhere did he sense a wall or border. Just the
darkness, and the piping. He listened. There were faint sounds of things
moving in the pipes, distant drippings, a soft hum of an induction pump running
somewhere. Another sound, even softer, more percussive. And something else.
Like singing, or chanting, in time with the pump:
"Ai
mft- tu Jai-nmf dum,
dumdum
duh eh fumdum,
Wuh
bah n o hun kun,
N
duh u hunh dusung:
Tai-samohkambu
dai-yei!
Tai-samoh
Kambu!"
Kham could
hear the repetitive choruses, but the verses were muffled and distorted, and
the words made no sense in any language he knew or had heard of. Some sort of
folk chant by the nearly invisible denizens of the maintways, stowaways and
renegades? He did not know, and at the moment did not wish to find out. It
sounded vaguely menacing, in an alien way that made his skin crawl. He decided
to go, for a time, along a catwalk, very narrow, that seemed to lead away from
the chanting.
Kham
followed the catwalk for a time, not paying much attention to whether it went
right or left, up or down, or in what order. The catwalk, assisted by metal
stairs and short ladders, made all four changes in vector, and after a time,
Kham could no longer hear the chanting. He tried to see through the piping to
determine where the spiral was, but he could not locate it. He stopped for a
moment and looked around himself, suddenly realizing that he was hungry. And
that he was quite lost. He had no idea where he was in relation to anywhere.
And this section seemed to be narrowing, closing in. He looked again. The ways
were narrow here, very close, but he could not make out a wall or termination
to any of the lines. He thought back, and all he could recall clearly was that
he had come a long way down from where he had started. Now there was something
more important to attend to. Finding another junction, with a map, and a
food-store cabinet. The Morphodite could wait. At least for a while. It
wouldn't do to starve down here.
After she had finished breakfasting
with Dorje and Faren, Nazarine told them that she wanted to return to her own
room for a time, in part to sort things out, and to make some queries of the
ship's computer.
She was
halfway out the door when she realized she didn't know where she was.
"Hey!"
Faren looked
up. "Did you forget something?"
"I
don't remember how we got here from section four."
Faren looked
curiously at nothing for a second, and then said, "That's right. You start
off down the passage until it forks to the right, and then you take the first
lift to the left . . . Wait a minute. Let me get dressed, and I'll show
you."
"Where
are we?"
Faren's
voice was muffled by the closet, which she was halfway into, pulling clothing
out. "Section one: Crew. Besides, we took some shortcuts, you know, crew
only, last night. Would be better if I went along, at least until you get back
into public space." She pulled out several things, but in the end settled
on a crew coverall, not greatly different from what Dorje was wearing. As she
stepped into it, and then pulled it up the rest of the way over her shoulders,
she added, "I'm on standby anyway, and if they called me, I'd have to come
back here and change. Party's over, at least until next break."
Faren
finished zipping the coverall up and hung a communicator on a loop by her
waist. "Can't go anywhere without my trusty bitch-box." And to Dorje
she said, hurriedly, over her shoulder, "Lock it up when you leave, will
you?"
"Right."
Dorje was still in the kitchen, drinking coffee, smoking a cigar, and stuffing
dishes in the cleaner. He called out, as they went out the door, "Don't
worry about Pentrel'k-Kham. Ship's computer is set now to alarm whenever he
tries to use any comm device. We register voiceprints on boarding. And major
access points are also keyed. He may be loose, but he can't do anything."
As they
walked, for a long time they said nothing, save directions, and some small talk
about places they passed. But as they neared section four, a silence fell
between them which did not end until they were actually in it, and Faren had
shown Nazarine the correct corridor.
"This
one. Just follow it straight on, and wind up at the base of your block of
suites."
"Do you
have anything else to do?"
"No.
Not really. I've got the box, if they want me. Why?"
"I've
got an idea that you know those maintways better than you'd like to talk about
openly."
Faren
blinked, and then smiled, a wicked, knowing smile. A delinquent smile, perhaps
even a peccant smile. "I thought you'd never ask; yes, I know my way
around down there. But have a caution: only somewhat. Nobody knows
everything there is in the maintways. Not even the ship's computer. We've had
maintechs get lost there, too."
"Is
that why Dorje doesn't want to press it in there?"
"In
part. He knows how difficult it is. And he puts limits on things— he has to. As
far as he goes, the problem with this Kham is solved: if he shows or tries to
communicate, they'll have him, and then it'll be Captain's-Mast, and doubtless,
outside with him. Or else he'll dig in deeper and stay there."
"But
they're strict about ship security! What about the maintways?"
"No-man's
land. A jungle. Weapons are damn near useless: you'd hit or cut something that
didn't need cutting. As far as that goes, there is considerable risk in going
into the system. Not for crew—they leave us alone. But it's said they prey on
each other."'
Nazarine
looked at Faren sharply. "For what?"
"Not
money; they don't use it. Nor basic foodstuff—there are ration boxes
throughout. But one gets tired of meal-cake and distilled water,
so they combine the thrill of the
hunt with a bit of fresh meat."
"So
that's why Dorje's not concerned about Kham."
"More
or less, that. He stands a good chance of being caught and eaten. Dorje didn't
want you going in there after Kham, for that reason, and he thought you might
have that in mind. I thought so, too .. . so I thought I'd go along a little
bit. We're maybe more casual than you're used to, but we care, too."
Nazarine
looked away momentarily, and then said, "I wasn't sure I'd do it. There's
some things I have to do first."
"Another
reading?"
"Yes.
But also I need more facts to put in it. I'm still missing pieces; I can't
reach for the answer I need yet. And I'm glad you came; I will push it harder
this time. And to know what I must do, Kham is essential. I don't want to kill
him; I only want to talk to him."
"The
woman gave you nothing." "That's true, in a sense . . . but she also
added a valuable piece. I'm waiting to use it. Come on."
When Nazarine pressed her palm to
the door latch, and it opened for her, she half-expected to see the room in
disorder, totally ransacked. It wasn't; the lights came on, and everything was
in place. It looked exactly like the first time she had seen it. First she went
to the closet and quickly flipped the clothing through, selecting a loose
pullover of a soft, deep-brown velour, and a pair of pants. While she changed,
she explained, "What I had on, that's fine for protective camouflage,
strolling along the concourses, and being inconspicuous in a genteel
atmosphere, but we will be climbing around, and may need to be freer in
movement."
"Those will do fine." She
went to the study cubicle, slid the port aside, and motioned to Faren.
"Please show me how to work this thing." Faren joined Nazarine in the
cubicle and touched a small green rectangle. "You're on. What do you want
to know?"
"Dorje
said the poison she used was associated with a place called Heliarcos. We have
to start with some assumption; I will assume they came from there."
Faren
nodded, saying, "I would suspect as much . . . here, we'll insert the code
for Gazeteer, yes, and here, Heliarcos, and initiate scan, and go. Read."
On the
screen of the console, writing began flowing into view, beginning at the
bottom of the screen and moving upward as more lines filled in below:
HELIARCOS
(Orig. "HEMIARCTOS"), Second planet of Theta Palinuri system, which
consists of . . .
Faren
pressed in PASS. The screen cleared, and started printing again:
History:
Discovered 1366 Lerone Tuzjuoglu, it was rated marginal-habitable and initially
surveyed by mining interests who located suitable grounds of Lanthanide-series
rare earths, (assays which see), and exploited under charter of Hector-Grovius
Metals Ltd....
Faren
pressed PASS again, but this time only for a little. She said, "Doubt
mine poobahs would go to so much trouble. They are a direct sort, dispensing
with poisons and plots at the first. Prospectors, likewise. Let's see who else
is there. We can always come back."
The St.
Aristides Society established a scholarly retreat, soon followed by other
bodies. Their successes soon encouraged other groups to do likewise, and
several faculties were founded, these bodies gradually asserting greater
degrees of autonomy from their parent bodies, and eventaully becoming
independent de facto if not, in all cases, de jure. Notable among
contemporary institutions are (see under separate cover, Higher Education)
Hudson-Bruhner Institute, Hubbard College, Velikovsky Foundation, Hammer School
of the Arts, Graham Theological Seminary, Wu Wang Society, Zed Aleph Tav Group
(Setzer Memorial Division), as well as numerous smaller units treating with
restricted technological areas, such as . . .
Faren pressed in PAUSE. She said, "This
looks awfully dry. What are we looking for?" Nazarine leaned back for a
moment, thinking. Then, "Hormone re
search. Also
something in the psychology-sociology-anthropology area." "Why
those?" "The people I am looking for work in those areas, and have
been for
a long time. Find an organization
that does both, in some depth."
"Hmm ..
. let's see. We will want to list them all, according to known specialties,
which would show up in notable publications. Also . . . Wait a moment, this
will be a little tricky, and will take up a lot of print space. I'll have it
print a hard copy. So . . ." She rapidly pressed in a series of commands,
and shortly, a strip of paper began unrolling from the printer slot.
It seemed that the researchers and
students of Heliarcos had been both numerous and busy. Some of the institutions
which produced the most intense efforts were hardly notable as major
institutions, while others seemed to scatter area studies all over the academic
subject list. Most of the major ones had active psychology and anthropology
departments, with sociology running a poor third. One medical school, The Reich
School, was especially strong in endocrinology and related topics but seemed to
have no other areas of interest.
The list
that confronted them was both long and highly detailed, and they had to read
through it, noting likely candidates. But in the end, they found one. Pompitus
Hall. Faren went back to the console and requested a detailed description, to
be printed on hard copy. The printer began rolling.
19
"There is no such creature as a
realist: that is only another pose, another fantasy, for all are dreamers and
fantasists. We do not opt to dream or not to dream, but rather select from a
catalogue of fictions. Some of these are more worthy than others, doubtless,
in the sense of being productive or the opposite, to be destructive to self or
others, but this utilitarianism has no bearing on the reality of the
projection. This one pursues Business—that one, political action and social
goals; this one seeks sensual gratification and strews broken hearts behind
like fallen leaves, that one cultivates a voice that would worm a dog; this one
tinkers with automobiles and that one writes novels—it doesn't matter which,
Fords or Chevrolets, or romances or science fiction. We are all on the endless
sea and the only thing that matters is the skill of our sailing. Therefore
identify the dream and you have identified the person and their aims. Outer
reflects inner, as electrons match the number of protons in the nucleus.
Ionizations are special exceptions. Some people live in very strange worlds
indeed, and often the most bizarre of them all are those who seem the most
ordinary at first glance. Or as the mad poet avers, 'secure behind the masks of
their automobiles, I have seen their mad faces gleaming in the twilight, the
spittle flying in the throes of their rage.' "
FAREN FINISHED READING the print
the terminal had provided and handed it back to Nazarine. "That would seem
to
be the one you are looking for. Hormones, biochemistry, and related
disciplines, and then,
oddly, an
extremely heavy social sciences concentration." "It's the only one
that displays that particular mix." "Well, yes, that; but the
clincher was 'Conducts unspecified field re
search under Beneficial Grant 377Y.' And when we ran that one
down,
turns out to be a charitable grant of The Alytra Foundation, which
in turn is owned wholly by Bogatyr Mining, whose stockholders are the Regents
of Pompitus Hall. I should say a nice setup, if one wished to do questionable
things."
"Questionable
things indeed."
"What
was going on, back there on that world you came from? And what are you, that
they should single you out?"
"They
were conducting some of that unspecified field research on that world. All on
the quiet, hidden by a very clever double-blind system that gave them a place
to work on something without anyone asking questions. I don't doubt they
stumbled on Oerlikon by accident, in the beginning. But they took it over, and
used it both as a place to obtain raw human material for their experiments, and
as an overflow point for their own personnel, who wished to retire, or who were
relieved of duty."
Faren looked
at the print again. "What were they working for?"
Nazarine
shook her head. "I don't know for certain. I have had some suspicions, but
ultimately, none seems to fit. What I think they were originally trying to do
was find a way to fuse the nervous system and the hormone system under one
conscious mind. But they were caught by a revolution, which wasn't even
directed at them, and even after the old order had been overturned, they were
more or less ignored. How ironic. Where I fit in this is a longer story than I
can tell you, because there are some missing pieces I don't have yet. I think I
have the basic outline of it, but I'm still working on the details. Suffice it
to say that I was originally one of them. Who found out what the real purpose
of the Oerlikon Operation was, and made some waves about it. And was disposed
of into their research station, there. They called it 'The Mask Factory,' on
the streets, because inside it one underwent changes."
Faren said,
softly, "You were changed. . . ."
"To a
degree you may not be able to manage to believe. But yes; so indeed I was. I
was not supposed to have survived, and I was not supposed to have remembered.
I did both. And so they sent those two after me, to finish the job. Apparently,
in my original identity, I knew a lot about their procedures, and could have
damaged their program."
"You
haven't recovered it; I know people. You have a strangeness about you, a fey
quality, but not that kind of purpose."
"I
recovered that it was; not what it was the original knew. That is
gone forever, lost. All I have left of that is sometimes a Tightness about the
way things feel—or a wrongness. The barest shreds of the echoes of a
personality. What you see and feel is me, not some stranger."
Faren
straightened, standing away from the console. "Well, so be it.
You are fine, as you are. Nor do I
blame you for being desirous of a revenge: indeed an excellent idea! But also
consider: these are people who, whatever their origins, stepped over the line,
saying then, 'the rules don't apply to us.' That's not an idle pleasure-seeker
or fun-seeker speaking at that point, but a criminal, and they are not reticent
about using criminal methods—spies and assassins. They have a certain measure
of power and will not happily suffer threats. How much damage can you do them,
one person, against, in essence, a University, a sophisticated Financial
Management Company, and a mining Trust?"
Nazarine
said calmly, "For now, you must take it on faith, but I have the ability
to end them. All. My problem is that I do not wish the blow to fall on
innocents, too."
"Most
wouldn't care one way or the other."
"I know
what happens when you don't. I have used it before, without worrying overmuch
about the consequences to the innocent." "All right. What if you
can't get a clear shot at them?" "I suppose I'll have to give it
up." "Are you serious?" "Yes. Absolute limits. We have to
have them." "What would you do—I mean, for a living?" "File
reports to Clisp, I suppose, about the strangeness of the rest of
the universe. I don't have an
income, but they pay my expenses—at least for now. That was my last arrangement
with the only home I can remember."
"You
mentioned a little of that in passing a couple of times. But what are you going
to do now?"
Nazarine
looked upward at the blank walls and thought for a moment. Eventually she
sighed and said, "I want to try to make some kind of contact with Kham.
And I want to do a reading before we try it. A hard one, a deep one."
"You
want me to leave you alone for a while?"
"A
little while. But come back. Please."
Faren
nodded. "I understand—leave it to me. I can run an errand while you are
working on it."
"What
sort of errand?"
"I'll
go collect a small assistant."
"What
sort of assistant?"
"A
surprise. Leave a few of them for me, will you? And don't push it too hard
while I'm gone—where you are going next, you are going to need all the
alertness you can manage."
Faren turned
and left. For a moment, Nazarine sat very still at the console and stared at
the keyboard. She thought, I could use this thing to do some of the routine
steps in the reading 1 am about to do. But that is the deadly way, isn't it? I
can always shut it off , but once you create this kind of logic in a machine,
there's no way to turn it off . That's the analogue of what they ran into when
they created me—Rael. The Monster's out of control. Nazarine managed a
wintry smile, which she could see a little of in the reflections on the console
screen. But no. This monster's under deeper controls than they ever
imagined. There was some blank paper by the machine. Nazarine took the
sheaf of it and began carefully laying out the questions she wanted to ask of
it, this time the full divination, if one could call it that. She knew she
wouldn't be finished by the time Kiricky got back, but hopefully, she would
have the hardest parts of it done with by then, with just the routine fill-ins
left. It was a shame, having to force it this way, without the data she wanted
to put in it, but she felt the subterranean pressure of time passing working on
her. Even without actually doing the exercise, she could sense that Kham was
fading, fading. She could sense it directly without going through the formal
procedure. Yes, that, and she was beginning to sense how she affected events
around her, too. It's not a gift, she thought. It's an unbearable
weight. I will work harder to suppress it than an ordinary person would labor
to attain it.
She settled
on the first question, and even as she began to assemble it within the symbolic
formulae she used, she could see that the three questions she was to ask were
in reality phases of the same question. In their parts, they asked: What is the
method to reach Pompitus Hall? What is to be done with Kham? And what am I to
do with myself? She changed a line here, adjusted a symbol there. Yes. All one
unity, one question.
Nazarine finished the final strokes
of the ideogram, this one intricate beyond anything she had ever done before,
but for all its baroque richness of detail, there was no partitioning of it: it
was One Answer. She drew back a little and looked at it as a whole. She shook
her head, slowly, and then released her breath slowly. She had been holding it
for so long she couldn't remember when she had last drawn a breath. Yes. The
way was clear, absolute, no doubt, and there could be no hesitation. It
followed the outlines Rael had discovered and put into such ruthless practice:
all the time since Rael, and even with him, even then, she had looked for a way
to negate the limits and demands required by this form of . . . what? Knowing?
Divination? Operation on living societies, a form of vivisection? Here, knowing
and doing were one, and the observer intruded upon the observed, and affected
it, powerfully. She could do it. She had enough to act on. The moment was now.
The focus was soft, but not especially blurred. Another shot at it wouldn't
come for a long time .. . maybe never. Yes, it would work, and yes, there would
be minimal effect on bystanders. It worked just as it had in Lisagor. But of
course there was a price. She took another deep breath. Very well.
The door
chimed, and Nazarine reached around and touched the release switch inside the
console cubicle. Faren Kiricky came into the room, followed by one of the lithe
gray shapes of the doglike Lenosz.
She stood
and said, "This was your surprise."
Faren
smiled. "Yes. I borrowed one from the patrol that was out in a pattern for
Kham. This one has the scent." "You know how to handle one?"
"Of course. Don't worry—they are not naturally vicious, but they are
extremely good trackers, and we do
use them now and then for that. We have made formal agreement, after the manner
of Lenosz."
Nazarine
looked closely at the sleek, limber animal, now resting on its hindquarters and
looking up at Faren with its soft chocolate eyes. This one was large, despite
its sleekness and svelte lines, which made it seem smaller. On closer
inspection it seemed less doglike. That shape and the recollection it suggested
in the human mind was an accident and an illusion. The paws were more handlike
than any dog's could have been, and instead of a dewclaw there was a small, but
fully opposable thumb, and although it did walk digitigrade, the paws, or
hands, more properly, seemed deft enough to grasp and to handle.
Faren
followed her eyes, and said, "Yes, it can climb. Will you need a
weapon?"
"No. I
have what I need."
"Ready?"
"Yes."
"Did
you find what you were looking for?"
"Yes."
"You
will do it."
"Yes.
Everything is clear."
"Well .
. . let's go."
Sometimes he thought he was in
immense spaces which were almost filled with the systems that kept the ship a
living and moving object. There was no solid wall ending this interior support
system labyrinth at all. It was all support. The world the passengers thought
they moved through was nothing but a carefully prepared illusion, miniature
living environments controlled and ministered to by miles of feed lines, rec
sumps, HVAC flow lines and ducts, breeder vats for bacteria which had in turn
viral controls. He could not remember seeing a ship from the outside, nor could
he remember seeing a diagram of one. Sometimes he laughed to himself, and
whispered that the reality was that the whole universe was in fact a support
network, in which were imbedded small and limited little spaces in which people
(and possibly other sorts of creatures) moved and imagined that what they saw
was all there was.
And
sometimes, in his travels, the surrounding free space compressed into tiny
crawl ways so narrow one had to slip through them sideways, or else so low one
had to get down on one's belly and crawl like a reptile. There was something
on the other sides of the bulkheads, but he could not determine what those
somethings were.
And
alternately, sometimes he came close to the passenger spaces of one class or
another, or perhaps portions of the crew space. A long gray corridor, which he
observed through a floor level vent grille. He had watched for a long time, but
no one had passed along that corridor. Nor had there been any sound. (He had
thought himself safe, and allowed himself a short catnap.] A large, communal
dining room, more like a mess hall than anything else. Rows of plain metal
tables, casual diners coming and going, a loose camaraderie in effect. Crew?
Something even lower than steerage? Higher than the highest he could imagine?
An arcade, where people stood in tight ranks and pitted their skill against
electronic and mechanical games, but the most popular of all the games was a
simple mechanical one in which one fired a ball-bearing to the top of an
obstacle course of little pins and wheels. Vertical. The cascading balls made a
bright and tinkly sound and the patrons stood enraptured, putting their all
into the release of the spring, hoping for the correct collection pocket at
the bottom, exulting when they won, groaning when they lost.
Walking onto
the ship from the lighter, he believed that it had been arranged in actual
levels, one atop the other, or maybe one in front of the other, like soldiers
in a line (Tighten that line up, soldier, until the man in front of you
smiles!'). Yes, levels. That was the word. Levels. But seen from this side,
air, warmth, coolness, water, sewage, power, communications, structure, there
seemed to be no order whatsoever: the levels were all mixed together, and the
differences were actually only in the minds of the passengers.
For some
time, he had followed the route indicators which he sometimes found at major
junctions, but these proved not to be uniformly dependable. And as he had
burrowed deeper and deeper into the real workings of the ship, he had gradually
lost his conception of reference. Kham could neither remember meaningfully
where he had been, nor conceive meaningfully where he wished to go. Therefore
the schematics and route designations were totally meaningless. The ship was a
sphere, including within its volume an unspecified number of smaller spheres or
ovoidal areas. Once, he had found a dim and scratched transparent panel, of
some sort of polycarbonate material which did not give when he pressed on it.
Inside, poorly visible, had been people working at some kind of controls, a
large console completely filled with meters, readouts, graphics, switches,
keyboards, touchplates. They all seemed at ease, but also intent on their work,
engaged in it, not just passing time. Something to do with the ship, he
thought, but he also thought that the actions didn't look terribly different
from those people playing games in the arcade. Maybe the rules were different.
But those
were secondary problems now. He had, in his travels, noted a major junction,
and threaded his way to a catwalk leading to it. Approaching, he had seen a
number of people, and had gone forward with anticipation, knowing that here, at
least, he would be able to find something out. But the light had been poor,
and as he had drawn nearer, he had seen that they were dressed either in rags
or borrowed things which fit them poorly, when at all. There had been six of
them. They ignored his emergence into the junction, which Kham thought curious
until it dawned on him that they probably had heard him coming a long time. He
had gone to the food locker, but it was empty. They moved aside to let him go
to it. And closed behind him.
Kham had
tried to speak, his voice strangely loud and raspy after long disuse. They had
not answered, but made quick, flickering and lambent glances at each other, and
rarely at him. He remembered their words, which made no sense whatsoever:
—Pisha boot?
—Da-la
dum-li totchel 'orosha.
—Da pisha,
Seich' Zakwat iml
And the six
of them had all stepped forward, and their attitudes had not been those of
friends, but of animals closing on prey. Kham remembered his training, and
slipped into a relaxed slump, from which he could move easily, by relaxing. He
had a wall behind him, man's best friend. The first one to come forward had
been kicked in the crotch, the body rebounding to lay on the grating, where it
emitted an odd series of multilingual cries, a strange, borrowed half-language,
half jargon, half animal sub vocalizations. "O ti malalacula1. Bolezin!
Bomogi, beystiV it had cried.
The others
had drawn back a little, eyes glittering like those of feral insects. They were
impressed, but not daunted. Two others had moved as one, from opposite sides.
Kham pulled them to him and cracked their heads together. Both fell. One lay on
the grating, making swimming motions and twitching his feet, while the other
one lay still with blood oozing from his ears. The rest stepped back, eyes
alive, darting, their bodies moving slowly, deliberately, the stuff of
nightmares. And gradually they moved back, out of the light of the single dim
bulb and a few illuminated panels.
Since then,
he had moved quietly, making certain he made as little noise as possible, but
he never lost the crawling sensation that somewhere off in the jungle of pipes
and ducts someone—or someones—was watching him, following him, at a distance.
Now he
approached groups he saw warily. He would catch glimpses of people, ghostly
shadows by a lighted junction point, but when he got there, they would all be
gone. Vanished, as if they had never been. He allowed himself short little
catnaps, after finding places he felt more secure in than along the open
catwalks where one could be seen from above, below, and also from the sides.
But never long. He would catch himself nodding, and set his head upright with a
jerk. He sometimes saw lights when there were none. Odd clusters of moving
lights. They were waiting for him, out there in the well-lighted open spaces
through which the passengers and crew moved so easily, so unconsciously. And in
here, they were waiting for him, too. There was not too much difference, subjectively,
in the final result in either case, save that one would transpire with solemn
ceremony and judicial pronouncements, while the other would be with grunts and
howls and the smacking of unclean hps.
But Kham
reasoned that if he could survive long enough, down here, he might in time come
to gain a measure of security. For one thing seemed certain: those above did
not pursue those who went below, nor did they seem to harass those few who
stayed below. There, it was surrender. Here, he had a chance. But then he
remembered to ask himself: why didn't they follow people below?
Faren led Nazarine and the Lenosz,
first along some passageways which seemed innocuous enough, although they
seemed to lead nowhere; these soon became both narrow and empty, and after a
short walk, terminated in a heavy metal door which operated from a single
handwheel set in its center.
"Here
we are. Can you read the graffito scratched in above the door, on the lintel,
as it were?" Nazarine moved closer, stretched, stood on tiptoe. She
read," 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.' "
Faren
chuckled. "A wit among the crew at some time. That was supposed to be the
inscription over the gates of hell. This is one of the legitimate entrances.
Work the wheel and go. But from the other side—now that's different. It's a
procedure even for someone with a pass, like me. No pass—ah, well, one creates
a problem. All the legitimate accesses have traps built into them; you have to
walk into the trap to operate the identification system. Blow it, and they come
and collect you. So we don't have unwanted visitors."
"There
are other places they could come out, I'm sure."
"They
don't. There are very few of them in there, and the ones who survive don't want
to come back. That's probably a crucial reason why they survive."
"How many
are in there, do you think?"
"No
more than thirty, probably less than twenty. Somewhere in that range. Might be
as high as fifty—but I doubt that." "How do you know?"
"Rate of ration turnover. There are drop points throughout the sys
tem where ration packets are dropped
off—the system refills itself automatically. Shipcomputer estimates how many
are probably alive based on the rate of turnover."
"What's
the food for?"
"For
us, when we get in a job we can't stop. You get a problem down in the system,
you don't stop until it's fixed." "So you've been in here
before." "Several times too many." "And you know it
reasonably well?" "There are some that know it better but they
wouldn't take you in." Faren turned the wheel and the door swung open.
Inside was a bare
little chamber, lit by a single
panel, which gave off a dim light compared with the corridor lights. They went
inside, and the outer door closed behind them, latched itself, and locked.
"Now we're in." She turned to a panel, laid her hand on it, and spoke
rapidly into a small dull spot on the wall, a string of numbers and letters. On
the other side, a panel simply swung open, and there was a deeper darkness
beyond. They stepped out onto a metal grating platform. Stairs led down in two
directions.
Faren looked
around and then indicated the left stairwell. "We'll start this way.
There's a connection down below where we can move along fairly rapidly, and
farther on, we'll see if this overfed pooch can pick up a scent. A long
way."
Nazarine
said nothing. Faren led the way, and the Lenosz followed behind, several paces
back, at first moving along easily, as if on some errand of its own, but
gradually it became wary, its nostrils flared delicately, and its ears
swivelled and turned, searching for sounds. As they descended into the guts of
the ship, the open space closed in and began to fill with piping and machinery.
Most of the machinery was incomprehensible to Nazarine, but it appeared as if
this particular area was a sort of node where the different support flows were
collected and rerouted. Some of the larger devices made noises. Others made
none. They passed many indicator panels, covered with readouts, meters, generated
graphs on CRTs, and simple colored lights; amber, green, red, violet, blue, orange,
yellow. Then they were at the bottom, at least as far down as they were going
now. There was a ladder off to the side descending still farther.
This was a
broad walkway, solid underfoot, with a cleated surface, wider than Nazarine
could reach. Here they set out at a hard walk. The lighting was very poor,
consisting of single glow-tubes set inside thick covers, about every fifty
meters. On the left was a wall of welded metal, almost covered by layers of
piping and the square-section shapes of waveguides. It looked to Nazarine like
a wall of the outside world of a surface, overgrown by a dense mosaic of vines,
but set into a rigid, surrealistic pattern. To the right was open space, but
mostly filled with larger ducting, or platforms on which sat junction boxes,
machines of enigmatic function, pumps, repeaters. Then she concentrated on walking,
and they walked hard for a very long time. The scenery, if one could call it
that, did not change.
It seemed to Nazarine they had been
walking for about an hour, more or less, some of which had been through
relatively long, straight sections, similar to that which they had passed
through after entering. Other sections had been ramps, elevators, drop-shafts
and spirals descending, ascending. Faren strode along with the quiet authority
of one who knew her way well, and along the way she had made litde or no
comment. Nazarine had no idea where they were in relation to any other part of
the ship, and said so.
Faren
stopped, and said quiedy, "We've been descending along the main tracks.
Sooner or later the fugitives always do this. It's easier. The various
passenger areas are near the outside layer, crew deeper, control still deeper.
As you go deeper, there are more control zones, more security. That is why we
don't worry so much about stowaways roaming about. We are now beneath the
economy section where Kham first operated from."
"Why
here?"
"Good a
place as any to pick up a trail. Hst! Note the Lenosz!"
Nazarine
looked about, but in the subterranean gloom she failed to catch sight of the
creature, which had sidled around them and now quested and ranged nervously
back and forth, nostrils flared and held high. Faren nodded, approvingly.
"Got a scent, it did." She made a peculiar motion with her left arm
and hand, and the Lenosz came to her, making undulating motions with its
slender body, as if trying to swim, nodding its head abruptly upward. Faren
said, "Not old, not fresh. Passed along here, crossing. He has fear,
now." She made another motion, pressing her palms together and
counter-rotating them, briskly. "I told it to follow. Slow, so we can be
close. Come on, and be alert, now."
The Lenosz
loped off, following an air-scent for the most part, only occasionally
inspecting the side walls or the deck, almost as if it felt such a crude method
of scent-following was distasteful. Presently it paused at a landing, which led
to a metal openwork stairs leading down into a deeper darkness. Faren made a
short, sweeping motion with her hand, and the Lenosz stepped out on the
openwork gingerly, placing its delicate feet gently and purposefully, so as to
avoid stepping through the open spaces. Faren and Nazarine followed.
For the next
stage of their journey, Nazarine opened her own senses to the strange
environment listening, watching, smelling. The odors were mosdy slighdy stale,
suggestive of damp, and overlaid by an oily reek suggestive of machinery. They
passed by several landings with hardly a pause; but at one, where there was one
of the ration-cabinets, they stopped, while the Lenosz carefully investigated
the landing and junction with meticulous attention to every point along the
walls and floor. Faren commented, in a quiet, breathy voice barely above a whisper,
"Stopped here, rested, then left in a hurry. Recently."
The Lenosz
continued quartering about, but Nazarine caught a shred of movement out of the
corner of her eye. She looked at the place, and then away, remembering
peripheral vision was better at catching motion in such uncertain half-light.
She kept her eyes slightly averted, and said, in a whisper, "We have
company. There, to the right, beyond that row of orange pipes."
Faren
looked. When she did, the visitors, understanding that they had been sighted,
made no further attempt to conceal themselves, and stood out in the open. They
could see four clearly, and to Nazarine, it seemed as if they made small,
betraying motions that suggested more, somewhere beyond, out of sight.
Faren seemed
not to notice. She said, "They'll come to us, to parley. I see four. We
can handle that." The four made their way soundlessly toward them,
climbing, sometimes walking normally, sometimes clambering over and through
obstructions, as if they had had long practice. And though soundless, they
moved so as to remain in view constantly. Faren watched them closely, as did
the Lenosz, but Nazarine felt a wrongness, a pressure. It was too obvious, too
open. She turned her face toward the newcomers, but continued to scan all
around, above, below, listening behind, letting an animal sort of fear drive
her, but not master her. The four finally emerged from behind a massive
vertical girder and stood in a group.
They were
clothed in rags and scraps that might once have been clothing. A woman and
three men, judging by the shaggy beards on three of them. They were wary as
animals. Faren, continuing to observe them, said, "These are long-timers.
Be wary." She removed a slim baton from her coverall, where she had
concealed it. Flexible and limber, it became rigid when she grasped the handle.
She then spoke rapidly, using an argot Nazarine could not follow. It was no
language she could remember or recall, but whatever it was, it was full of
hesitations, pauses, odd reduplications of certain sound-groups. It suggested a
pidgin form of a speech that had once had a full and an elegant repertoire, now
reduced to a minimal set.
The members
of the group replied, in an offhand, disorganized manner, as if time had no
meaning for them. Languid, affected, although speaking the same, oddly broken
speech. She also saw extremely brief eye-flickers darting back and forth among
them, independent of the words they uttered, and she tuned herself to an even
higher pitch. There, she thought, feeling habits she associated with
Rael come back easily. Above, in the piping. Very well. Let it be. She
looked hard at the group.
Nazarine
sensed a soft, barely audible motion from above, and felt a puff of air, and
then pressure about her arms, pinning her. She was ready, had inhaled deeply
and held her arms rigid. Now she exhaled, pulled her arms tight, and fell out
of the grasp. She grasped the arms with her hands and pulled, hard, and the
attacker, already off-balance began toppling forward, trying to regain balance
and break their arms free. Nazarine slammed its face down onto the metal floor,
levered it aside, gained her feet and stamped its windpipe flat. There was no
time to see further to it, for two had grappled Faren, one turning toward her,
as if in slow motion. Baring a long knife, obviously ground down from some
scrap. With a motion she stepped close, almost dancing, brushing the knife-arm
aside and striking with the heel of her free hand, directly onto its sternum,
which shattered under the impact. The other, struggling with Faren, swung
around, and Nazarine leaped up, reaching for the pipes she knew were there,
finding them, getting leverage, and kicking while pivoting her hips. The other
one's neck broke with an audible snap.
Still
thinking as Rael, she took a quick inventory of those left. The four they had
first seen had stepped closer, to be in on the spoil, but now they turned, were
turning to vanish off into the night, the darkness. Nazarine swung, hand over
hand, and dropped in the midst of them, felling two with simultaneous forearm
blows. In one, she felt a collarbone snap, and in the other, the tendons
holding the head up tore. She seized the woman of the group by her long, greasy
hair and pulled her off her feet, feeling about half the hair give way. This
one she swung to the deck and she quickly performed a series of manipulations
to vital nerve centers, during which the woman emitted a series of surprised
subvocalized grunts and sudden plangent cries of agony. At last, she lay on the
floor, eyes vacant and glassy, but still breathing. Nazarine said, in a harsh
voice, "Ask her what you will!" She drew a deep breath, held it, and
cleared her lungs. Seven had become two, and one of those was a captive.
Faren shook
her head, and bent over the woman. She looked at Nazarine. "What did you
do to her?" "Made her more cooperative. Now speak with her. She won't
live long!" Faren bent over the woman, looked at the glassy eyes, and
whispered something in the strange, broken pidgin speech. The woman replied,
like an automaton, tonelessly, at
some length, and then expired, rolling her eyes back into their sockets in a
ghastly fashion. Faren breathed deeply, and said, "They were hunting Kham,
or so I think one who fits his eidolon. Down and not far ahead. They herd them
with a small advance group, and the main party closes in. This was the main
group. They thought we would make a small diversion before they took Kham. They
feared him—he was held to be a great fighter, having already bested Aquarius
Beasley the Bandit."
She stood up
and added, "And this was an old band, one of the oldest and most adept.
And you destroyed them within seconds. What in Hellviter are you?"
Nazarine
shook her head, wiped her hands on her pants. "Less than successful. One
got away. I have allowed myself to go slack; of old, I could have had them all
and caught at least three for conversation."
The two she
had injured were still where they had fallen. The one with a broken collarbone
was trying to crawl away, but the other one was dead. Apparently she had also
broken its neck. They turned to the single survivor. When it sensed that they
were coming for him, it squirmed to the edge of the walkway, and rolled over
the side without hesitating. In silence it fell, and they heard it strike
objects on the way down, a series of hard, ringing, metallic blows, accompanied
only by grunts, at first, and then by only silence, as it continued falling. At
last, the sodden sounds stopped, far below. The echoes died away.
Nazarine said, "You see? Not
that one either." Faren stepped back a little, and asked her again,
"What are you, that you could do that?"
Nazarine
looked away, and said reluctantly, "Long ago, I was made to bring misery
into the world. I did not desire it, but I had no other way to be free of those
who held me. I did my one crime, and I have been trying to escape them since,
and trying to become an ordinary person who might live her life out in peace,
to know the direct pleasures and pains. Kham was somehow related to those who
set me on this path. . . ." She allowed the sentence to trail off, with no
definite ending.
"You're
not telling everything."
"No,
but I will. Soon. But first, we have to find Kham before they do. We may be
reduced to the disgusting expedient of saving him from these cannibals."
"What
will you do when you've talked to him?"
"Let
him go."
"I
don't understand."
"I said
I knew what I had to do. I read what must be, for the pattern I want to
fulfill itself. In that, for everything to work, I must permit Kham to follow
his own destiny out to the end. You understand? For what I want to come true, I
have to let him go. And there is one other thing I have to do."
"What is
that?" "Not yet, Faren. You and I will do one more thing, and you,
who have given me so much, will give me one more thing."
20
"If you
stop planting trees because you think you won't be
around to
see them grow up, then you are already dead."
—H.C.,
Atropine
THEY FOUND KHAM without too
much difficulty, letting the Lenosz lead them by scent: along a narrow way off
the junction, down a ramp, along a slanted catwalk, and down a spiral to
another junction, this one a plain one on a grating deck without food or water.
Here the advance party of the stowaway tribe had closed in on Kham and pinned
him down. They had all the exits covered, save one, and along that one they had
expected to see their own people coming along that way. Perhaps it had become
too easy. This one they had cornered at last had seemed to give up wanting to
go on farther. Still, it was dangerous. It half-stood, half-slumped against a
circuit box, with heavy eyes that did not look directly up, but glanced off
sideways, downwards. And so they waited. Patiently. This one knew what was
coming, and had chosen this place—as good as any other—to meet his last
engagement. No point in rushing things; they had seen this condition before.
They would all come, and wait for the moment.
Nazarine and
Faren and the Lenosz walked openly, no longer muffling their footsteps, and
came down the final slant into the junction unhesitatingly. Faren glanced
around, into the shadows, away from this chamber, and spoke quickly in the
pidgin language of the underworld. For a long moment, there was no sound or
movement, so she repeated some of what she had said. And one by one, silently,
eerily as ghosts, the shadows became empty. The band departed.
Kham looked
at them dully, almost as if he did not recognize them,
although
certainly he did. Faren and the Lenosz made a careful circuit
of the
chamber, and then retired to the entrance to one of the walkways.
She said,
"Here he is: cornered like a rat. Do as you must."
Kham looked
up, now, and focused his eyes directly on Nazarine.
She said,
"I am the one you have been working so hard to find."
Kham nodded,
slowly. He said, after a moment, in a soft voice full of resignation, "You
differ somewhat from how I imagined you, even though I saw you on the
beamliner. You are something that does not confine within an
identity-imago."
Nazarine
stepped closer. "That's what multiple personalities in sequence does to
one. Different people animate my face, make motions with my body. I imagine you
know about that well enough."
"Rael
we had reports on; Damistofia less. Phaedrus hardly at all—he was difficult to
track down. You have proven impossible. You distort probabilities just by
existing."
"I
know."
"How
much control have you been using?"
"I have
been trying to escape it. That started way back, in Marula. I would have
disengaged, then. You people wouldn't let me. The early ones I came to
understand. But you people wouldn't stop. There was only one answer for it—it
did not really require the art to find it. But I still don't have it
confirmed why."
Kham sighed
deeply, and ended it with a chuckle, which turned into a sudden racking cough.
Then, "You know who you were?"
"Yes. I
tracked it down. Jedily Tulilly, one of your own people."
He said,
shrewdly, "You haven't recovered all of it, or you wouldn't risk the pits
to ask me."
"I have
recovered enough; 1 know where you come from, and I know their real product. 1
can guess easily enough—Jedily saw the true purpose of Oerlikon and Lisagor,
and tried to report it—to whoever she thought might stop it. But that world
your people had victimized, exploited, parasitized for untold cycles, you had
become as dependent on it as it on you. So Jedily was erased, and dumped in The
Mask Factory for Ptemam to dispose of, or wear out. I suppose I could say I
owed you for that one, too, but it wouldn't change anything I would now
do."
Kham agreed.
"I wasn't there, but you have me here, handy enough."
"Do you
know what happened to Jedily?"
"In truth, no. I
was told that if we succeeded, we would find out in the course of time, by the
time we became regents of the faculty." "So you went forth, solely on
orders from those who did know?" "I suppose that would cover it. You
realize, there never was anything personal in it—it was just part of the
job."
Nazarine
nodded. "I understand. That is what makes this whole thing so vile—that it
was just a job. To get personal—that's where realities are—love and hate alike.
When you get personal, you limit. It's when you say, 'It's just a job,' that
the real devil enters into it. So you understand that it's personal with me,
not just a job."
"So
you'll go on and do it, then?"
"Do
what?"
"Take
your revenge on me and go on to turn the furies loose on Heliarcos."
"As for
you, I intend doing nothing. When I leave this place, you are free. And as for
them, I have already set that in motion. I don't need to go there to end
their criminal tenure. I didn't need to leave Oerlikon to do that; I can reach
as far as I need. I left Oerlikon to make sure I could get away from you
people. And others like you."
Kham said
coldly, "You will never escape people like me; we are everywhere—we make
things run. And there are others dispatched, as well, I am sure. And we know
something of how you make it work."
"You
say there'll be others, other efforts."
"Of
course."
"Well,
you won't die, so you can go back and tell them you failed."
Kham smiled,
but the facial configuration he made was a rictus that had absolutely nothing
to do with humor in any ordinary sense. "All so well for you to say.
Charity: Caritas, to speak the ancient word. Generous, doubtless. All you do
is leave me down here. Up there, they are waiting for me. A fine freedom."
Nazarine
looked slightly to the side, as if bemused. "No, it won't be like that.
You will go back topside, and by the time you get there, you'll be free. To
report, to return to Heliarcos, or to run to the end of the universe—whatever
suits you."
"How
will you arrange that?"
"You don't need to
worry about that. Or you can stay down here, if you like." "Not much
choice there. Hobson would be ecstatic." "The ones you forced on me
were no better." "Going back . . . now there's a real barbed gift.
But you know that." "Of course. I've put you, alive and fully
cognizant, into a place you
can't escape from, and you'll know
it every moment. This is a lot more satisfactory. And understand this, Kham:
any way you move—any way whatsoever, including the choice of not to move at
all, will set in motion the chain of events I need to validate Jedily. But
only if I leave you this way. And so I bid you good-bye. Enjoy your
freedom." And then, without pausing, she turned and left the junction
point, motioning to Faren to follow her.
Nazarine set
out at a hard walk, going back the way they had come, and she did not look
back. Faren remained in place for a moment, and then turned and followed
Nazarine. It was some time before she caught up with her, and when she did,
Nazarine put a finger to her lips, indicating silence. She whispered,
"Show me a way away from here, as far as possible, someplace where he
can't follow."
Faren
nodded, and motioned to her, saying, "Follow me."
Faren led them, as she had
indicated, along a series of paths through the maintways, using pass-doors,
which she knew Kham would not follow, not returning to the upper parts of the
ship, but moving across, and slightly downward, even deeper into the bowels of
the ship. At length, they arrived at a security door, which Faren opened
without difficulty, and they passed through, into a small, spartan cubicle.
Faren let
the Lenosz in, and closed the door. She gestured with her hand about the small
room, a complete habitation in miniature. "Is this secure enough?"
"This
is secure?"
"It's a
refuge-point—where we can go to escape harassment. There's a direct line back.
Now you tell me: what was all that you told him? He can't go back. There's a
warrant out for him, and it won't be cancelled until he's out."
Nazarine
smiled. "But if you had it solved, and reported a confession, then Kham
would be free."
"Maybe.
But I have no such confession."
"We can
make one up."
"Would
you please explain what you are trying to do? I thought you wanted to hunt him
down!"
"He's
an arrow that I'll launch into flight—an arrow that will strike precisely at
the point where it's needed most. But for that to work, there has to be a . . .
giving-up. You understand? The kinds of things I can do require a life to
energize them. That is why I kept seeing in my readings that I couldn't touch
Kham; he was to be my weapon. And I was to be the energy. I couldn't face that,
and so I wrote it off as an unknown I couldn't understand. But it was there
all along. It is true that I have a power to change things, an absolute power
such as no one has ever wielded before. But by using it to achieve ends, I
cannot continue as I am and realize those ends. I can create a new universe,
but the act of creation locks me-as-I-am out of it."
Faren shook
her head, and sat on the edge of one of the plain bunks in the refuge-room. She
said, "I would have claimed you were deranged, had you said this earlier.
But I have seen you read, and I saw you fight, and I never saw anything like
that before. So you may be as you say. But what do you require of me?"
"You
will clear Kham of charges by reporting that I confessed to a crime of passion
and then exited the ship into transitspace."
"What
is going to happen to you?"
"That's
the rest of it. In one sense, I will vanish; in another sense, you will have me
longer than you've had anyone else in your life. And that is what I have to ask
you if you'll do, and to do that, I have to tell you the truth about who and
what I am."
Faren nodded
thoughtfully. "Go on. I'm listening."
"It's
like this: Kham spoke of other names, you heard him. Jedily, Rael, Damistofia,
Phaedrus. I was all those people." "You wore a disguise. . . ."
"No disguise. I was them, in every way. And who I am now, this was
the best of
all and I give it up with great pain. But here is how it happened, and why you
must do this . . ." And she began at the beginning, retelling the story,
not as it had grudgingly revealed itself, but as she had reconstructed it, in
sequence, beginning far back, before Jedily Tulilly, even, explaining,
clarifying. Faren leaned back on the bunk and closed her eyes, to better
visualize the things Nazarine told her, and the Lenosz curled up on the floor
and placed its head on its paws.
". . . and that's how it fits
together. I've told you all of it."
Faren opened
her eyes, shook her head slightly, and said, "All right. Let's say I
accept this tale, and everything that will result from this. Let's say it. So,
then—why me?"
"In
part, it's something I have read you would do. It's there, in the fabric, for
anyone who has the skill or the curse I do to see; you never told me, but what
you did tell me of your life, along the ways we have gone, weaves a fabric
whose pattern extends into that area. You know the truth of that even as I say
it—see this in your face by the most ordinary means."
Faren
accepted this with neither surprise nor refusal. She nodded coolly, and said,
"So, then: why else?"
Nazarine
pressed her lips together until all the color went out of them, collecting her
thoughts. "It's like this: this is what we would do— an essentially
irrational act. By the standards this universe operates by. Irrational. I will
entrust my life and the powers they buried in me to a stranger. But consider
this—that by following this course, completing the sequence I started with
following and confronting Kham and letting him go free, I have engaged in an
act of faith alone."
"Ha! I
should say so, even for openers!"
"But
balance that against Oerlikon and Heliarcos—reason extended without hindrance,
and measure the strength of it against what I did to Lisagor. This is the
theorem of Operation extended much further. To kill the lowest changes the
whole—and on to this. If you choose to look at what I do as a kind of magic—it
isn't, but it helps to see it that way— then I tell you this is the most
complicated operation I ever attempted, and its resultants will change the
entire human community. There will be no more Mask Factories, no more
Morphodites, no more Pompitus Halls."
"First
you. And then me."
"And
then Dorje. You will tell him the truth, come one day, and him, too."
"But you'll be gone!" "I won't. You'll always have me—all your
life." "But you won't be you anymore, just like you're not Rael, or
Damistofia. I liked those things we
all did together—it had a lightness, for once—all of it."
"You
know what was right about it—then pass that on. I give you a vehicle to do that
to, to continue it, to spread it. You'll never see it take root—that's
centuries away. So you walk into a faith as great as mine."
Faren looked
down, hiding her eyes beneath her eyebrows. She muttered, "I don't have
enough of what you want." "Yes, you do. You answered me when I called
on you, and you gave more than I asked." Faren looked up, her eyes bright.
"You argue all too well. But you knew it would be this way . . ."
"I
don't know any more about the next instant, the very next microsecond, than
you do. I read NOWS. The Present is forever, a wave. What we do changes the
wave if we so wish it. Just by wishing, by believing, by dreams. To seek only
the rational to the exclusion of all else makes us prisoner of the underlying
patterns that lie accidentally about and so scatter the wave into entropic
fragments. Life itself stores energy against the grain; life-continuity
reverses the entropy gradient. But through will and idea, faith and
dream."
Faren
shifted her position. "Well, all else aside, you have certainly changed
me."
Nazarine
said, "You changed me; I could not have found this course without you. And
Dorje."
"What
would you have done, elsewise?"
"Tracked
Kham's source down to its roots, and destroyed it, utterly, with misery on a
much vaster scale than was done in Lisagor. But this is better." "I
can understand that. Revenge is a poor source of inspiration for artists, so
they say, and even more so to others."
"We are
all artists—it's just that we don't understand that yet."
"You
understand you are going to cause me all sorts of problems with the personnel
section.. . . They may even offer me the option of paying off my
profit-sharing, my lays, and putting me off at next port of call, which is
Teragon."
"I
understand that. But you are skilled, in metallurgy and structures, joining and
separating constructions, welding and cutting—those are the prime operations of
alchemy—solve et coagula, or so the ship's computer tells me."
"Yes." "They have
need of you there. And Dorje . . . what would he miss there, and what more
could he do?" "No matter; we can survive well enough on Teragon.
Probably better than aboard ship."
"You
never landed anywhere."
"There
was nothing to land for."
"Now
there is. Take it."
"I
will. What must we do?"
"Call
in and isolate yourself for several days. Notify Dorje, but tell him nothing.
This can't be sent over any comm link. Then be quiet and let me concentrate.
After that, we'll have a few minutes, and then it's up to you. You know what's
going to happen to me. The sequence will keep me alive while it's running,
while I'm changing, but afterward I'll be helpless. I distorted it badly to get
Nazarine, but dammit, I needed an adult body, not a subteen's. Now I've got to
pay that debt back. I read I'll finish up slightly premature. Keep me warm, and
get me to an infant life-support system."
"How
will I know?"
"I'll
cry normally."
"And
you'll forget everything. . . ."
"According
to what I know about the process, yes. And if you don't tell me about it, I'll
never look for it. It will all be there, of course; as a fact, going through
Change makes it stronger, but I'll lose conscious continuity with how to do it.
The terrible secret ends in this chamber. And in a sense, those who wished me
terminated gained their wish. Their enemy will have ended. And they will ruin
themselves, thinking that they succeeded in protecting their secret, but
they'll overstep, and by their own arrogance be ground to a powder. And you'll
have a child, and I'll have my innocence back."
"You
never lost it. That was why . . ."
"I
know. Now quiet."
Nazarine had
long thought about this moment, for a long time thinking it would come after
many long years and adventures, or else dreading what she would have to do.
And in either case, she imagined that it would be difficult to reach for that
particular trance state of consciousness necessary to set Change off. But it
wasn't. She felt no fear and sank easily down through the layers of
imagination, of dream, of hallucination, of atavistic visions, to the central
ground of the inner vision.
To Faren,
who hadn't known what to expect, it looked like nothing: the girl seemed to
relax, sink into herself, breathing deeply but quietly, almost as if she were
sleeping, and then she looked up, with a face that was suddenly clear of all
doubts that had colored it before. Whatever she might have seen in the lines
and planes of that face before, coquetry or innocence, or open concern, that
was nothing to what she saw now.
Nazarine said, "It's done, and
coming fast. Are you ready?" "I can handle it; I helped clean up
after the Onswud riots in '83 on Kopal." "There's not enough time to
say the words I want to, to imagine all the things that might have been."
"Never mind. I know them, too. We'd just be repeating each other. I saw
the possibilities, too."
"Teach
me, next time aro ..." She stopped in mid-word, and her eyes glazed over,
losing their lucid translucency and becoming blank as china eyes painted on a
doll. Faren got up and reached for Nazarine, touching her face. It was burning
hot, damp, feverish, and beneath the skin she could feel the muscles of her
face rigid, working against each other. She moved the girl's body, carefully,
like a bomb preparing to go off, and gently slid her off the bunk onto the
floor, where she laid her down on her side. She bent close and looked at those
terrible blind eyes. "Nazarine? Can you hear me?" The girl made no
sign she had heard, but continued to stare sightlessly ahead of herself onto an
imaginary point under the other bunk.
Faren
straightened, kneeling on the floor beside Nazarine, and pulled the pocket
communicator out of her coveralls. She made two calls in rapid succession, one
to Central Maintenance Scheduling, and one to Dorje, and then she replaced the
unit, and bent forward once more. She brushed the loose brown curls back from
Nazarine's forehead, and kissed the girl's hot cheek, gently, as one might kiss
a child goodnight. And she said, in a soft voice no one heard save herself,
"Go without fear. You knew us rightly and we'll do it right. You're
safe." Then she sat back on her haunches and waited for the
transformations Nazarine had told her would come, a series of controlled
destructive changes that would reduce her to an infant. It would be several
days, possibly as long as a week. She did not worry; there was food in the
emergency locker. Not without fear, but with a sense of engagement she had
never known before, Faren Kiricky sat back, still gently stroking the soft
curls, and waited.
"Some say the evil of
our days is love of machines over people, or
of money; others speak of
drugs, or of debauchery, but I disagree:
it is
nothing more than love of authority without responsibility.
There is a
remedy, but few choose it even for themselves, and
fewer
still for all."
—H.C., Atropine