. . . But Liars Figure!

The following results of careful statistical studies will serve, we are sure, to disprove many long-held superstitions. Anyone doubting the validity of these statistical analyses is invited to recheck the situation—and will, perhaps, gain some understanding of the observed phenomenon that human beings are deeply and satisfyingly convinced of the statistical analyses that prove their preexistent beliefs, while holding statistics meaningless when their beliefs are attacked.

1. Human Reproduction Does Not Occur.

Careful medical studies show that less than one sperm cell in 250,000,000 reaches and fertilizes an ovum. Since this is statistically insignificant, it can be ignored.

2. Stars do not exist.

The entire sphere of the heavens was divided into ten billion equal areas, and a careful photoelectric survey made, sensitive to the limits of human eyes. Aside from a very few random responses—probably due to random noise generation in the electronic circuit—none of the "stars" of superstition were found; only the well-known Sun, Moon, Venus and Jupiter were recorded. The occasional noise bursts constituted only about 1 part in 1,250,000 and are clearly statistically insignificant.

Efforts were made to correlate even these random noise-responses with some of the ancient superstitious "constellations," but this proved impossible, since the folklore experts were entirely unable to give a usable mathematical-logical statement of what they meant by, for instance, "The Great Dipper."

Readers are cordially invited to supply us with any further items of such superstition-breaking statistical studies.—The Editor.