My mother always made a lot of noise
about keeping busy, and how much she hated tripping over kids who
were doing nothing but reading books or watching the electric vase.
That’s why my brother and I belonged to the biggest, most important
swim team in our little end of the world. It was to keep us fit and
keep us from being underfoot. Chester was one of the stars on the
team. I wasn’t. Nobody ever explained how I got accepted into those
lofty ranks. But if I know my mom, she told the coach, "Fair is
fair. And if you want one of my boys, you’ve got to take both of
them." Mom loved to talk about things like fair play and decency,
but mostly, it was just awfully convenient having the two of us
involved in the same sport. It meant less driving, and fewer events
to attend. Which is a kind of fairness, I suppose–making life easy
on your folks.
I wasn’t an awful swimmer. In a
flat-out race, Chester and I were pretty much equal. Pretty much.
But my brother happened to be four years younger than me–four years
and seven months, to be exact–which made him one of the top
seven-year-olds in the province. And made me his big-assed sidekick.
Our coach was pretty plain about his own affections. He’d stalk the
sides of the bath, hollering instructions down at poor Chester.
Elbows, legs, breathing, and then back to the elbows again. Swimming
is a ferociously technical business. It demands a muscular grace
that I’ve never been able to maintain. Occasionally the coach would
check on me, making sure I wasn’t dead in the deep end. But in
general, my value with the team was more of a spiritual order: I
made the other twelve-year-olds feel good about their abilities.
Lapping me was a great game. Boys and girls could play that game all
night. You can see why I didn’t exactly adore the sport. But it
wasn’t that awful, either. I got to stare at girls wearing tight wet
silks. That’s always a benefit. And since nobody expected anything
from me, I was free to cling to the side for minutes at a stretch,
watching the girls and listening to the coach roaring at my brother.
"Pull through the water! Through, Chester! Down the middle of your
body. And bring your hand out this way. This way! With your elbow up
. . . oh, Christ . . . what in hell is that. . . ?"
I don’t remember that night’s workout.
And I don’t have any special recollections of getting dressed in the
locker room afterward. We always took showers, but I never got rid
of the chlorine smell. The stuff clung to my hair, and if my goggles
leaked–and they usually did–my eyes would burn for hours. Then we’d
put our school uniforms back on again, and I always had to make sure
that Chester remembered his silk trunks and goggles. I assume all
those usual things happened that night. But what I do remember,
without question, was that our father was supposed to pick us up.
That gave the evening a dramatic kick. In our lives, Dad was
something of a wild card. You could never guess where he was or what
was so important, but his busy life had its way of dividing his
allegiances, spreading him thin. I can’t count the nights when it
was Chester and me sitting on the steps of the Young Legionnaires’
Club, waiting for that old green Testudo to pull up.
That night was different, however. The
old man surprised us. Not only was he waiting at the locker door,
he’d actually seen the last few minutes of the workout. "You looked
strong out there," he told Chester, rubbing at his stubbly hair.
Then to me, with a pushed-along concern, he asked, "Are you hurt? I
saw you doing a lot of standing in the shallow end."
I could have lied. I could have told
him, "Yeah, I had a cramp." I should have made up a great story, my
twisting, pain-wracked body sinking to the bottom and half a dozen
girls in wet silks fighting for the honor of pulling me up again.
But instead, I just shrugged and told him, "No, I wasn’t
hurt."
"Then what were you doing?"
"Standing," I said. And I left it
there.
Our father wasn’t a big man, or small.
There was a time in life when he seemed wondrously powerful–a titan
capable of casting shadows and flinging snowballs clear over our
house. But at the wise age of twelve, I was realizing that shadows
were easy and our house wasn’t all that big. And everything about my
father was beginning to diminish. He had a fondness for overcoats
that were too large for him. He was a smiling man. A salesman by
trade and by temperament, he had a smiling voice and an easy charm
and the sort of rough, unspectacular looks that helped people
believe whatever he was trying to sell them. We might have been
rich, if Dad had just stuck to selling. But he had this dangerous
streak of imagination. Every few years, he’d start up some new
business. Each venture began with hope and considerable energy, and
each lasted for a year or maybe eighteen months. At some point, we’d
stop hearing about his new career. Dad would stay away from home, at
least past dinnertime. Toward the end, he couldn’t make it back
until midnight, and I would lie in bed, wrestling with my brain,
trying desperately to make myself sleep before Mom had the chance to
corner him and the shouting began.
That night was a winter night. Windy
and bitter. With Dad leading the charge, we stepped out into the
cold dark air, our breath smoky and my wet hair starting to freeze.
The old Testudo, big and square, was parked under a light. Hadrian
was sitting in the back, in his straw, watching for us. I liked that
cat, but he worried me. He liked to nip fingers. My fingers, mostly.
All those generations of careful breeding and the fancy Asian
splicing, but really, cheetahs are still as wild as they are tame.
And while I thought it was neat to have a cheetah, Mom held a rather
different opinion. "Do you know why your father bought him?" she
asked me once. "Because he’s going bald."
"The cat is?" I asked.
"No, your father is," she rumbled.
Which, frankly, made no more sense to me than the cat going
bald.
I climbed into the back seat, just so
I could stick one of my least favorite fingers through the wire
mesh, that dog-like face greeting me with a rough lick and a quick
pinch of incisors. Chester was sitting up front with Dad. Dad
cranked the motor, and it came on and then died again. He tried
again, and there was a roar and cough and silence again. That was my
father’s life with machines. He decided the motor had flooded, and
so he turned on the ceiling light and waited. He smiled back at me,
or at his cat. I could never feel sure which of us was getting the
smile. Then with an odd, important voice, he said, "I want to show
you something."
I said, "Okay."
He reached inside his big overcoat,
pulling out a folded-up newspaper. It was already turned to page
two. One tiny article was circled. "Read it," he advised, handing
the paper back to me. And even before I could start, he asked, "What
do you think?"
I saw my father’s name.
"Leonard Dunlop, 38, has filed as a
candidate for Senate in District 8," I read. Then I held the article
up to the weak light, eyes blinking from the chlorine, little tears
giving every word a mushy, dreamy look. "If he wins," I read, "Mr.
Dunlop intends to use his salary to help pay for his children’s
university education."
Again, Dad asked, "What do you
think?"
"You’re running for what?" I asked,
using an unfortunate tone. A doubting tone.
"The Senate," he said, pointing
proudly at the tiny article.
"The big one?" Chester asked. "In New
Rome?"
I snorted. Twelve years old and not
particularly wise in the ways of politics, but I still had enough
sense to dismiss that possibility. "He means the little senate. For
our province, that’s all."
Which wasn’t the best way to phrase
things.
Dad gave me a look. Then he turned
forward and started the car, listening to the ugly engine cough and
die. Then he turned to Chester, telling him, "But this is just the
beginning."
With his salesman’s voice, he sounded
convinced, saying, "This is an important district. If we win, it’s a
launching pad to New Rome. And from there, who knows? Who
knows?"
My father’s sense of politics was
always shaky. For instance, he might have been smart to warn Mom
about his impending candidacy. Instead, he never quite mentioned his
plans to her, and she had to learn about it when friends and
relatives began calling. Or maybe on second thought, Dad had a good,
clear sense of politics. Because if he had said something, I think
Mom would have told him half a thousand reasons why it was the wrong
thing to do, and stupid; and against his better judgment, he might
have listened to her wise counsel.
As it was, Mom pretty much amazed me.
She was waiting for us at the dinner table, and she was furious. But
she didn’t do anything worse than give Dad a good hard glare. Then
she sat her boys down and said, "I think your father would make a
good senator. If he happens to win."
There. That’s why she wasn’t
screaming. Mom had a good rational sense about the world, and she
knew the old man didn’t have a chance.
I don’t remember much else about that
night. We watched the electric vase, waiting for the late news. We
waited to hear Dad’s name. But with all the national stuff to talk
about, and the international stuff, and a report from the Mars
mission, plus the weather and sports, there wasn’t a lot of room
left for local news. I went to bed wondering if he really was
running. Or was his candidacy just a bunch of misprints in a
newspaper famous for its mistakes?
But Dad was running, and it didn’t
stay secret. Friends and classmates heard about it from their
parents. My best friend knew even before I did. Nathan was this
part-Jewish kid, sharp and smart in all sorts of ways. He was older
than me by a few months, but it felt like years. He always knew
stuff that I never even thought about knowing. We rode the same bus
to school, and since his house was a couple of stops before mine, he
was usually waiting for me. That next morning, wearing a big grin,
he said, "I heard about your dad."
"What’d you hear?" I blurted, suddenly
alarmed. I always had a what’s-he-done-now feeling about my
father.
"He’s running for the provincial
senate," Nathan told me.
"Oh, yeah."
"He entered just before the deadline,"
he told me.
I had no idea there were deadlines.
But then again, life seemed a lot like school, and school was
nothing but a string of deadlines.
"You know who he’s running against?"
Nathan asked.
I said, "Maybe."
"You don’t."
"Maybe not," I agreed.
He named four names. Today, only one
of those names matters. But I doubt if I learned any of them that
morning. Nathan could have been speaking Mandarin, for all I
cared.
"They’re running against your father,"
he explained. "In the primary, this spring. Then the two candidates
who earn the most votes–"
"I know how it works," I
complained.
"Run against each other," he finished.
"Next autumn."
That was nearly a year off. Nothing
that remote could matter, and so I told Nathan, "He’s going to
win."
"Who is? Your father?"
I said, "Sure," with a faltering
conviction.
Nathan didn’t make fun of me. I
expected teasing, and I probably deserved it. But he just looked
down the length of the bus, nodding to himself. "That wouldn’t be
the worst thing," he muttered. "Not by a long ways."
I liked Nathan for reasons other than
Nathan. He lived up on the hill, in a genuinely enormous house, and
because his family was wealthy, he always had fancier toys and every
good game. His mother was beautiful and Jewish, which made her
doubly exotic to me. His father was a government man in one of those
big bureaus that helped protect our nation’s industries, which made
him important. But Nathan’s grandfather was my favorite. The old man
had emigrated from Britain, escaping some ill-defined trouble, and
now he lived with his son’s family, tucked away in their guest
quarters. He was a fat man, a cigar smoker and a determined drinker,
who’d sit and talk to me. We had actual conversations about real,
adult topics. The man had this massive intelligence and endless
opinions, and with a booming voice, he could speak forever about
things that I never knew were important. And where Nathan would
ridicule my ideas, his grandfather seemed to accept much of what I
said, correcting me where I was horribly wrong, and congratulating
me on my occasional and rather tiny insights.
"What you should do," Nathan once told
me. "Ask to see his war game."
I’d been coming to the house for a
year or two, but the game had never been mentioned.
"It’s kind of a secret. But I think
he’ll show it to you. If you ask nice, and if you pick the right
time."
"What’s the right time?" I
asked.
"After he’s drunk too much," my friend
confided, winking with a conspiratorial glee.
Looking back, I can see exactly what
Nathan wanted. He wanted the excuse to see the secret game for
himself. But regardless of reasons, I was curious. A few weeks
later, when his grandfather seemed properly stewed, I mentioned the
mysterious game. The old man stared at me for a minute, smiling in
that thin way people use when they’re trying not to look too
pleased. Then with a low, rumbling voice, he asked, "And what, dear
boy, have you heard about this game?"
"It’s about the world, and war," I
answered. Then I lied, saying, "That’s all I know."
We were sitting in the enormous dining
room. The old man planted a half-finished cigar into his buttery
face, and with a calm deep voice, he said to Nathan, "Take your good
friend upstairs. When I am ready, I will sound the horns of
war."
We obeyed, sitting anxiously on
Nathan’s bedroom floor. His teenaged sister was upstairs, too.
Wearing nothing but a white slip, she was jumping from her room to
the bathroom and back again. I don’t need to mention, there was
another benefit in Nathan’s friendship. I was watching for his
sister, and he told me, "This’ll be fun." Then his grandfather
hollered, and we had to go downstairs again.
The game board had been brought out of
its hiding place. With a glance, I knew why it was such a secret.
All the words were Mandarin. The board looked new and modern, filled
with a cold, slick light. With the drapes closed, the dining room
was lit up by the game. Someone had spliced extra chips into the
mechanical brain.
With a touch of the keypad, the old
man changed the Mandarin into New Latin, and a huge map of the world
emerged on a background of neat black hexagons.
"Technically," he said, "this is an
illegal possession."
I knew that already.
"It came from China, and it was
smuggled through the Aztec Republic. A friend of a friend did this,
for a fee."
I nodded, feeling nothing but
impressed.
"In the Old Empire," he explained, "a
toy such as this would be labeled ideologically dangerous. In the
New Lands, thankfully, we are a little less obsessed about
maintaining the fabled status quo. But still, our government would
be within its rights to take this from me, if only to harvest the
mechanical mind. This is not a new game, but its circuits are still
superior to anything we can build today."
He didn’t have to tell me.
"Sit," he suggested.
I plopped into a hard
chair.
"Who do you wish to be?" he
asked.
Boundaries had appeared on the map.
This wasn’t our world, I realized. It was the past. Instead of the
New Lands, there was an empty continent floating in a silvery mist.
The enormity of Asia lay before me. At the far end was the Roman
Empire, its territories marked with a sickly gray, while the Chinese
Empire was under my hands, its green lands dotted with cities and
roads and tiny military units existing as images floating inside
that wondrous game board.
"You may become any civilization," the
old man explained. "Your responsibility is to control the nation, or
nations, that comprise your civilization."
"Be Rome," Nathan blurted. "Or India.
Or Persia. Or Mongolia."
I said, "China."
A fresh cigar was lit, and a fresh
whiskey was poured. And the old man grinned at me, his smooth and
pale and very fat flesh shining in the game’s light. There was a
deep, scorching wisdom in his eyes. And with a voice holding ironies
that I couldn’t hear, he asked, "How did I know?"
He said, "Naturally. You wish to pick
the winner."
Once the senate campaign began, we
started attending church regularly.
I was pretty much of one mind about
those Sunday mornings. I hated every part of them. I’d outgrown my
one good suit months ago, and I could never tie the fake-silk tie
properly, and the stiff leather shoes made my toes cross and ache. I
hated how my complaints about my wardrobe were met with stony
silence. I despised the boredom of sitting in church while strangers
sang and prayed and sat silent, listening while the elderly priests
gave us God’s lofty opinions about the state of the world.
Sometimes, in secret, I didn’t mind hearing the choir singing. I
also appreciated the teenage girls swishing along in their best
dresses. And when I wanted, I could open the Bible and hunt for
bloody passages. Not even Mom could complain about that, sitting
stiff and tired beside me, smiling for the world to see.
We belonged to the Celtic Reformed
Church. I didn’t appreciate it then, but our little branch of God’s
Word had some very wealthy believers. Our church was a new and
expensive building, larger than necessary and just a little short of
beautiful. Donations helped pay the tariffs and bribes required to
import exotic lumber and foreign stone. Even the lights were a
little spectacular–floating Japanese-made orbs that moved according
to invisible commands, their shapes changing to light up the entire
room, or to focus on a very specific, very important
spot.
During the sermons, every light shone
on the pulpit. One special morning, our bishop came to deliver the
sermon, and he spoke forever about poverty and its beauty in God’s
eye. He explained how Christendom was special in every important
way. God had blessed our faith and the Empire. How else could we
have survived to this day, against titanic odds? True, we might not
possess the wealth of some nations. And we didn’t have spaceships or
cities riding on the waves. And perhaps our science seemed backward
to some observers. But what did science matter? Where was the value
in flying to Mars? Nonbelievers could never enter heaven, and wasn’t
Heaven the only worthwhile destination in this brief, brief life of
ours?
Our bishop was a very old man, and at
the end of the service, when he walked past me, I heard his
Indian-built heart beating like a hammer somewhere down in his
belly. I thought that was odd. Later, while riding home, I described
my thoughts. "If Heaven’s so important," I asked, "why did the
bishop buy that fancy heart? Why didn’t he just let himself
die?"
We were using Mom’s little car. I was
sitting in back, with Chester, and the adults were up front, not
making so much as a squeak.
They didn’t understand me, I assumed.
With a stubborn tone, I continued explaining my concerns. "And if
science isn’t that important, why do we need fancy lights? Or cars?
Or electric vases?"
My father didn’t answer. But he
halfway shrugged his shoulders, as if admitting the silliness of
it.
Mom took a different course. She
turned and stared at me, and after an icy week or two, she reminded
me, "When you’re in public, like today, people are watching. I want
you to remember that. People are judging you and all of us. Do you
know what I’m saying, Samuel?"
"Yes, ma’am."
"The world is more complicated than
you can imagine," she warned. "And it’s usually best to keep your
opinions to yourself."
But if I couldn’t imagine the world,
who could?
That cold question gnawed at me.
Watching the backs of my parents’ heads, it occurred to me that
neither of them had any special imagination, and worse than that,
they were happy with their stupidity.
***
I picked China, and lost.
The game was set at novice level. Its
rules and the mechanical mind were made simple, and I had more
people and money and better armies and the finest navy in the world.
And I lost. India invaded, and Japan invaded, and Nathan laughed at
me, watching my collapse accelerate with the centuries. His
grandfather was more patient, reminding both of us, "This is a
simulation, and a decidedly crude one, at that. Even if you began
again, and even if you made the same initial moves, events would
play out in some very different fashion." Then he said the word,
"Chaos," with a genuine fondness. "Chaos can break the strongest
nation, and it can build empires from the weakest tribe."
I had no idea what he was telling
me.
Nathan pretended to understand. "Let
me play," he begged. He had been waiting most of an hour to make
that request. "At level three? Okay, Grandpa? And I’ll be the Roman
Empire."
At level three, there were more rules
and more circumstances to watch, and the other powers were smarter
by a long ways. At first, it looked as if my friend was failing
badly. He let the Great Wall of Constantine fall to ruins. He
allowed invaders from the steppes to descend while civil wars spread
through the Empire, a dozen little nations blossoming in the mayhem.
Then for no sensible reason, he turned those new countries against
each other. I thought he was crazy. I confidently laughed at him.
But even while his little nations fought pointless, nearly endless
wars, Nathan appeared serene. Even when the plagues erupted, he wore
a big smug know-it-all smile.
Meanwhile, China was invaded. The
Mongols came and took everything, and then after a long while, they
were absorbed. When new Chinese leaders appeared, they decided they
didn’t need the rest of the world. The great ocean-going junks were
allowed to sink, and the ancient trade routes vanished under desert
sands. As the centuries passed, little changed in that piece of the
world. It was as if some great spell had been cast over its people
and the emerald lands.
The Roman Empire remained splintered
and angry. But each new nation built its own navy, and with armies
conditioned by war and disease, each spread across the world,
conquering every wild continent before pushing into India, and then,
invading the suddenly backward China.
Elbows on the table, I watched a very
strange world emerge.
"This is a simulation," the old man
said one last time. Then he set down an empty glass, telling me,
"But if one were to set the game to the most difficult level, and if
each side competed equally well . . . well, the game never ends the
same way twice. But there are patterns. Lessons, you might call
them. One time out of five, the Christian states come to dominate
the world."
I looked at the date.
1933, by the Christian
count.
This was our year, and nothing was
familiar. There were no spaceships, much less cities on the moon.
China was mangled and poor, and India belonged to an independent
Britain, and again, with a sick surety, war was breaking out in the
remnants of the Empire. The Germans were marching into Gaul, and the
Slavs were massing their millions, and in the New Lands, a new Roman
republic was building armies and fleets, and crude propeller planes
were waiting to carry the first uranium bombs.
As a family, for the sake of the
campaign, we went to bake sales. We witnessed the start of running
races and tulip festivals and cock fights. We attended the grand
opening of a fancy food market, and I ate enough cookies to throw
up. Dressed in our finest, we stood bunched together in big rooms
and small rooms, smiling with a trained enthusiasm. I remember a
strange man patting my brother on the shoulders, saying, "Here’s the
swimmer, hey? What a little steamboat!"
Jerk, I thought. Smiling
still.
Then he gave me a distracted
handshake, asking my little brother, "So what do you think? Another
month till the primary, and it’s down to a three-horse
race."
Having just turned eight, my brother
could ask, "What are you talking about?"
The stranger laughed, winking at our
father. "Leonard? Didn’t you tell your boys?"
When my father lied, he would smile.
He was smiling like a lighthouse just then, saying, "I guess I
hadn’t gotten around to it."
"Two of your pop’s opponents are done.
Finished." The stranger didn’t realize that we hadn’t heard the
gossip. "And as it happens, it’s the two front-runners that are
gone. One quit for health reasons. He says. And the other . . .
well, let’s just say there’s some dirt. Something about young girls.
And if he doesn’t pull out of the race, he’s going to look like an
absolute idiot." Again, he patted my brother on the shoulders. "So
yeah, boys. A three-horse race now. Anybody’s race!"
Dad made the nightly news, if only in
little doses. His name was mentioned in passing, or a baby-faced
reporter would speak to him for five or six seconds. From the EV, I
learned that my father was concerned about values in the youth.
Which meant me, I realized. I learned that he wanted to protect our
markets and our good Roman traditions, and he never quite mentioned
that his Roman-built Testudo was a piece of crap. But more than
anything, the reporters wanted to know about our pet cheetah. They
wanted pictures of Hadrian. Everybody got a real kick out of seeing
my dad scratching at the cat’s little ears, ready to pull back his
hand at the first sign of trouble.
At school, I enjoyed a minor
celebrity. Girls would ask me if I was Samuel Dunlop, and when they
giggled in front of me, I didn’t feel hurt. I felt special enough to
hold my ground, and maybe once or twice, I kept the girls giggling.
Of course the guys weren’t nearly as impressed. But there were
moments when I could see even the bullies making new calculations.
What if my father won the race? Senators had power, they had been
told. How much power would I wield, just by being his son? I watched
them as they weighed these important political considerations, and
then in the next instant, surrendering to a fatalistic whim, they
would shrug their shoulders and give me a good hard
smack.
Beating up an important person was
just too much of a lure.
How much more celebrity could I
tolerate? I asked myself. Lying on the ground, hands pressed against
my aching belly.
As a family, we attended a
picnic.
It must have been some company’s big
spring picnic, although really, I don’t have any clear memory of why
hundreds of people had gathered in the park. They were just there,
and of course we showed up. And of course we wore better clothes
than anybody had ever worn to a chicken-eating event. Mom told us to
behave, as always, but this time there were new warnings. The local
news was going to be there with EV cameras, which made the audience
potentially enormous, and important, and if we were anything but
saints, the world was going to crumble to dust.
There was an army of kids at the
picnic, and I didn’t know any of them. But they had a bashball, and
a game broke out, and one of us asked permission to play. Probably
Chester, since there was a better chance of a "Yes" when he asked
those kinds of questions. I found myself in the trenches, playing
against a genuinely huge girl. Fat, and strong like every fat girl,
and maybe a head taller than me. On the first play, she mowed me
down. On the next play, she used a thick arm and flung me on my ass.
But the worst whipping came from our team general. Staring at me
with an easy contempt, he asked, "Are you going to let that bitch
win?"
No. I decided to make a heroic stand,
and with a virtuous rage, I reclaimed my place on the line and threw
a shoulder into my opponent. My swimmer’s muscles delivered a good
hard blow. The girl stopped in mid-stride. But the jarring awakened
her own pride and rage, and again, with the game flowing around us,
she set her feet and drove at me. In memory, that next collision was
crushing, and epic, ineffectual and extremely painful; and again, we
stepped back and gathered our strength before charging. In all, we
collided maybe a dozen times. But it felt like a thousand impacts.
The girl began to sweat and gasp for breath. The rest of the world
grew still and quiet. I realized eventually that the game had
paused, boys and a few girls standing in a circle, watching the
spectacle. We would step back, and charge. Back, and charge. And in
the end, I won. I held up to the girl’s worst blows, and she finally
turned and stumbled away, crying. My victory was a sweet thing for
all of two minutes. Then my mother found me. She found me and
grabbed me by my half-dislocated shoulder, and with a low fury, she
explained what it means to be embarrassed, to watch the daughter of
an important somebody weeping uncontrollably, talking about the
wicked awful monster boy who had just beaten her up.
My punishment began by sitting still
and being quiet.
Three of the candidates were giving
speeches. The man who liked young girls was still officially in the
race, but he had the good sense not to show up. About that first
candidate, I remember nothing. Nothing. I was sitting on a plastic
folding chair. I was glowering at my scuffed shoes and my fists, my
shoulder aching while my frail pride tried to heal itself. A hard
stretch of applause made me lift my eyes. The first speaker was
leaving now, and my father was slowly climbing up onto the little
stage, smiling at us with a remarkable shyness.
I had never seen my father so nervous.
In his natural environment–inside a little office or a smoky
tavern–he was a marvel. He could talk to anyone, and for hours,
charming them with an artful ease. But here were hundreds of people,
and cameras, and reporters wearing skeptical expressions. He was
nervous, making little jokes that didn’t cause anybody to laugh.
Then he began to talk about what he wanted to do as a senator. He
wanted to work hard. He wanted to be their friend in the provincial
capital of New Carthage. He wanted the roads patched. (My father’s
voice gained a genuine life at that point. He had a visceral hatred
for the potholes that kept knocking our wheels out of alignment.)
And again, for emphasis, he reminded everybody that he wanted to
work hard for them, and to be their very good friend.
If there was any big applause, I don’t
remember it.
I remember Mom pissing me off. I was
ready to clap, but she had to give me a warning nudge anyway. As if
I’d forget to clap for my father. But neither of us applauded for
long, and we remained seated, and during that next little silence,
the last candidate came forward.
He wasn’t a big man. He had black hair
and blue eyes that I could see from five rows back. For some reason,
he wore a uniform. Or maybe his clothes were cut so they would
resemble a uniform. With a practiced ease, he took his place in
front of the microphone, a look of absolute focus coming into his
milky white face. I remember that moment. I remember staring at him,
waiting for whatever word dropped out of his mouth first. His little
moustache twitched, and his lips parted, and with an accented voice,
he said, "We are a great people, and a noble people. But we are
surrounded by enemies. Yellow enemies. Brown enemies. Red ones, and
black. Even within our own ranks, we have traitors who are working
against us, trying to undermine the great things that are our duty,
and our destiny.
"The white Christian people of the
world deserve this world!
"For too long, we have let ourselves
remain weak, and poor. But if we can find the will, joining our
hands in the common good . . . if we finally assume the mantle of
greatness . . . then the world will be ours, and the stars. . .
!"
In essence, that was his
speech.
I can’t remember the exact words, but
I’m sure he didn’t waste any breath talking about potholes. And he
never explained how a local senator–a junior officer in a New Lands
province–could bring the smallest change to the enormous world. But
when the candidate finished, screaming at the microphone one last
time, the applause was instantaneous, and furious, and I felt myself
being carried along. A reborn Rome! And all of our enemies defeated!
What could be more wonderful? I was thinking. Then a hand clamped
down on my hands, keeping them from applauding anymore.
It was my mother’s hand.
"I was being polite," I
lied.
"Don’t be," was her advice. "This one
time, Samuel . . . you really don’t want to be polite. . .
."
***
Putting words inside quotation marks
is a lie, by the way. When I tell this story, I have no real memory
about what words people used. That’s the way it is with most people,
I’m sure. What I remember are feelings–my twelve, nearly
thirteen-year-old feelings–and sloppy little pieces of certain
moments that felt important at the time. Inside this entire story, I
don’t think there are more than two or three moments when I’m
perfectly sure what words were spoken.
The day after the picnic was a school
day.
Like always, I sat with Nathan on the
bus. I mentioned the picnic and bashball and my father speaking, and
Nathan asked how the speech went, and I lied. "Fine," I claimed. And
then I talked for a full mile about the little candidate with the
blue eyes. "Wouldn’t it be wonderful?" I asked. "Rome strong again.
The Chinese and Indians not telling us what to do. All of our
enemies sent packing, the bastards. Then we could build anything we
wanted, and spaceships. Just think, Nathan! You and me could fly off
to Jupiter, or someplace. . . !"
My best friend looked at me, saying
nothing.
Then we pulled up in front of school,
and I didn’t see him again until gym class. He was dressing, and I
was dressing at the other end of the aisle, and a couple of guys
came up beside him. They were classmates of ours, but for the usual
reasons, they were older by a year. Older, and bigger. Carrying
themselves with a practiced menace, they did nothing but poke my
friend in the ribs, and laugh. I stood at a safe distance, watching.
The biggest kid said "Jew," at least twice. And then Nathan handed
money to the other kid. And when they were gone, he turned away from
me and finished dressing.
I don’t remember him talking to me
during gym class.
Or on the bus ride home,
either.
When I stood for my stop, Nathan
stood.
"What are you doing?" I
asked.
He said, "Nothing."
The driver opened the back door, and
together, we jumped to the curb. Then the bus pulled away, the dirty
Roman engine leaving the air swirling with fumes and soot. And
again, I asked my best friend, "What are you doing?"
"Wait," he told me.
"For what?"
"Just wait."
So we stood there. The bus left, and
the cars following after the bus started to climb the long hill.
Then again, I began to ask what we were waiting for, and as soon as
my mouth was open, he hit me.
I fell down.
And he kicked me. Not once, and not
softly. A day’s worth of being furious went into those kicks, and
then he kneeled over me, saying, "Asshole."
I’ve always remembered that one
word.
"Do you know who the enemies are?"
Nathan asked me. "The traitors, I mean. The ones Mr. Blue-Eyes was
talking about. Do you know who?"
He said, "It’s the Jews."
I didn’t believe him.
"It’s me, Samuel!"
And then I did something supremely
stupid. With a gasp, I reminded him, "But you’re only
half-Jewish."
Again, he kicked me. Then he shook his
head, watching me writhe in misery. I remember his face–the
glowering, betrayed look that he was throwing at me–and I remember
his eyes–how they were squinting and tearing up, looking miserable
and very much scared.
Sometimes I ran errands with my
father, helping the campaign.
Mostly, I remember being bored.
Sometimes there were meetings with backers or people who might want
to become backers. Sometimes the work involved putting up signs in
yards and carrying packets of flyers around strange neighborhoods.
Half of our basement was filled with signs and flyers and metal
buttons that read Vote Dunlop. I began to appreciate that
running for political office was an expensive chore. And we weren’t
spending nearly as much as the blue-eyed candidate. Every night,
without fail, we saw him at least two or three times on the EV. Even
when Dad turned the channel, he couldn’t escape those
commercials–slick, professional, full of music and cheering
crowds.
Our basic flyer was a rectangle of
stiff paper. Dad’s photograph was five years old, taken when he
still had his hair. My name was on the flyer, and Chester’s, and our
ages. There was a long list of Dad’s accomplishments, and that was
the first time that I can remember hearing anything about his
militia service. Every young man had to be in the militia, and so
that didn’t surprise me. But the flyer told me that my own dad had
earned some kind of special award for his service.
"What’s a Red-tail?" I
asked.
We were riding down an anonymous
street. Dad was looking straight ahead, and I was sitting beside
him. The back seat was filled with flyers and yard signs and boxes
full of rattling buttons. Hadrian was busy napping in the old
straw.
"It’s a hawk," Dad began. "A big one.
We’ve got them around here–"
"The Red-tail Ribbon," I interrupted.
"You won it."
"It’s nothing," he said.
Which didn’t make sense. But before I
could say as much, he told me, "It’s a militia thing. If you serve
on the frontier, and you see combat–"
"You did?" I blurted.
He didn’t answer.
"You actually fought?" I asked. Then I
rapidly reviewed what little I could remember about old border
skirmishes. "Who’d you fight? The Mandan? The Lakota?" And then with
an evil delight, I asked, "Was it the Aztecs?"
The Aztecs were a real nation. The
other tribes were just patches of color on the map, each sponsored
by a different Asian power.
"Was it?" I pressed.
It must have been an enormous
temptation for my father. His son was desperate to find some excuse
to worship him, and it would have been worship. I would have
believed anything that painted my father as being a soldier of
consequence. But he resisted that easy deification. With a shrug of
his shoulders, he admitted, "People were trying to cross our border,
and my unit lobbed shells in front of them."
"Were they enemy soldiers?" I
hoped.
"No," he confessed. "No, they were
just . . . just some people trying to slip across. . . ."
"And you shot in front of
them?"
"Mostly," he said. Then with a
suddenly angry voice, he said, "And now we’re not talking about this
anymore."
Nathan’s grandfather filled the front
door. One of his soft round hands was resting on the doorknob, while
the other clung to a thick glass filled with some deliciously
colored liquor. With an odd smile, he stared down at me. "We haven’t
seen you for a little while, Samuel." Then a sturdy, engaging laugh
erupted, and he smiled at my father. "Mr. Dunlop. It is my deepest
pleasure, sir. Please, please. Come inside."
Except for the old man, the house
seemed empty. He led us into the darkened dining room. "Sit, my
friends. If you wish."
Dad glanced at the game
board.
"Cigar? Or a drink,
perhaps?"
"No, thank you."
"Sit. Please, sirs. You are my guests
here."
We settled into two hard chairs. Then
with a quiet voice, my father allowed, "This is quite a
map."
"Did your son mention this toy? No?
Well, good!" The old man chuckled, winking at me. "It is, I suppose,
a bit of a secret. Rather illegal, and there’s no reason to
broadcast its existence to the world." Then he launched into a
crisp, thorough explanation of the game. "Samuel played one
scenario, and he witnessed a few potential outcomes. This is a very
different scenario. This is our world as it stands today . . .
reduced, or enlarged, into a set of contesting algorithms and
modeled personalities. . . ."
A thick finger touched a
control.
The map evaporated, leaving a white
background covered with neat black hexagons.
"I won’t waste your time, Mr. Dunlop.
Suffice to say I could run this scenario thousands of times, and to
the satisfaction of every bloodless mathematician and chilled
intellect, I could prove that certain policies, and certain leaders,
would be dangerous to us. To the Old Empire, to the New Lands, and
naturally, to your good sons."
Father nodded as if he understood, and
smiled.
"Politics," said the old
man.
He said, "I must tell you, sir. It’s a
very brave thing to be a political animal in these
times."
Hearing a compliment, Father squared
his shoulders.
"I once belonged to that noble
profession," he continued. "Perhaps you are unaware, but I delved
into my native island’s politics, on more than one occasion. Which
is, I should add, one of the compelling reasons why I came to these
safer shores. I spoke my mind. I argued for my causes. But I have a
tremendous amount of skin, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, sir, and I
rather want that skin to remain safe. At least for the present
moment."
I shivered.
My father cleared his throat. "When we
talked on the phone . . . you mentioned helping my
candidacy–"
"Indeed. I very much would like that,
yes."
"How?"
The old man smiled and puffed on his
cigar, saying nothing.
"Money?" asked Dad.
"I could. I could be most generous.
But to be frank, it’s too late for money. No sum, no matter how
extravagant, can insure his defeat in the coming
election."
Who was he talking about?
The old man lowered his cigar, blowing
out a long cloud of smelly smoke. "Make no mistake: He is a bastard.
A serpent. A charmer, and a teetotaler, and the worst kind of
dreamer. What he believes is reprehensible, and sadly, his hatreds
are quite ordinary. What motivates him is an intoxicating sense of
supreme destiny. Are you aware, Mr. Dunlop? Your opponent was
involved in a failed attempt to spark a civil war. His hope was to
unite the Germanic provinces against Rome, and then conquer the Old
Empire, and from there, he would have launched a suicidal assault
against the Far East."
Finally, I realized who the he
was.
"Unfortunately, his rebellion was
little more than a joke. Young men pretending to be a mighty force,
and they were crushed in a day. If our mutual enemy had done any
real harm, he would have been executed; but instead of death, he
received a simple prison sentence. Incarceration is always
dangerous; the monster had time to think. To organize, and plan. He
wrote a small book–a brutal little treatise on hatred and rampant
nationalism. I own three copies myself. I wish I had a million
copies, and I could make every voter read it from cover to cover.
But I don’t, and I can’t. What I can do is give you one copy. The
man’s own words should erase any doubts you hold about his
madness."
Dad stared at the plain of empty
hexagons. Then his eyes lifted, and with a weary voice, he said,
"All right. I need help, but it’s not going to be money. So how am I
supposed to beat this bastard?"
The old man grinned and sipped at his
drink. "Samuel tells me that you are an exceptional
salesman."
Dad glanced at me, a little
surprised.
Warily pleased.
"I want you to use your considerable
skills, sir." Leaning across the table, hands laid flat on the game
board, Nathan’s grandfather said, "With my help, I want you to help
me, sir. Help me peel the uniform off that very ugly
serpent."
The campaign office filled what used
to be a drinking tavern. Dad found that funny. He tried to laugh as
he parked, and he kept hold of his smile even when he had stopped
laughing. A man stepped out of the office, blinking in the sunshine.
Two other men followed after him. Dad opened his door and stepped
out, and the first man said, "If you would, sir. Lift your
arms."
The other men held electric wands. The
wands hummed as they passed across my father’s body, and then the
first man said, "Open your coat, Mr. Dunlop. Please."
"Does everybody get this honor?" Dad
inquired.
"Your coat, sir. Now."
He complied, glancing over at
me.
"Would the boy like to come inside,
too?"
Dad said, "No."
The first man smiled and looked at me.
"I think he would. Wouldn’t you, son?"
I looked at my father, then back at
Hadrian.
"Your pet will be fine here," the man
said. He was fat and jolly-looking, and when I stepped down next to
him, I caught a whiff of what almost seemed to be perfume. "Like
your father, lift your arms."
I listened to the humming.
"He’s expecting you," the man
reported. "Don’t keep him waiting."
We walked into a barely lit room, long
and nearly empty. The blue-eyed candidate sat in the back, behind a
massive desk that was far fancier than anything else in the place.
He didn’t stand. He barely looked up, writing on a fancy Chinese
tablet. I thought that was very strange. The man hated the yellow
horde, yet he used their machinery. To a twelve year-old boy,
nothing smells worse than the tiniest whiff of hypocrisy, and it was
all I could do not to turn up my nose.
The blue eyes stared at us.
A stern voice said, "Mr. Pothole. Have
a seat." Then the eyes looked past us, and with his German-Latin, he
said, "I am quite busy. Quite busy. What is this business you wished
to discuss with me?"
My father sat, and I sat on the only
other chair.
"I’m going to lose," Dad began.
"That’s pretty much guaranteed. I can’t beat you in the primary, or
that other guy."
I stared at the blue eyes. Nothing
else mattered.
"I just wanted you to know. After the
primary, when I end up third, I’ll throw my support to you. I’ll
work for your election. Anything that can help, I’ll do it. That’s
what I wanted to tell you."
There was a brief, cold
silence.
Then the candidate asked, "Why me?
Don’t you approve of the other man’s politics?"
"God, no!" exclaimed Dad.
Then his head dropped. In the corner
of an eye, I could see my father wiping at his bald scalp. I would
have loved to seen his expression. The anger, the misery. But I had
to keep my eyes straight ahead, blinking as infrequently as
possible.
"What do you believe, Mr.
Dunlop?"
For a long moment, my father held his
tongue. And with a calculated rage and the absolute perfect tone, he
said exactly three words.
"Fucking kike lover!"
I remember that moment perfectly. The
moment, the practiced words, and that feeling of standing on some
great hilltop, any little motion destined to send everything falling
in one of a million separate directions.
The blue eyes closed slowly, and
opened again, and the pen was set aside. "Don’t worry about our
mutual opponent," the candidate purred. "He is an adulterer. He
sleeps with his secretary. A man like that isn’t fit for public
office, and I think in a few days, the world will find out what kind
of man he is."
"Really?" Dad gasped. "God, that would
be great!"
"So you see, we are destined to
survive the primary. You and me. One of us will be the senator. And
perhaps the other one, if he is willing, could play a little role in
the new senator’s organization."
With a seamless ease, Dad said, "Could
I?"
The candidate was amused, more than
anything. He smiled and glanced at me, and taking courage from my
unblinking stare, he said, "Mr. Dunlop. I understand that you’re
some kind of war hero. Please, if you have a moment, tell me all
about yourself."
The candidate was supposed to be very
busy, yet he had time to chat with my father for the next hour-plus.
For a while, he would ask little questions, and Dad would tell a
somewhat altered version of his life story. Yes, he was a decorated
veteran. He had fought the red scourge on the frontier. But
everything since had been a string of disappointments and outright
failures. More than once, he blamed the Jews for undercutting his
new businesses. What could be done? He wanted to know. How could the
world be made fair and right for all the white
Christians?
Gradually, the candidate began to
talk. More often, and for longer stretches of time, he would answer
my father’s leading questions. Then an hour and a half had passed,
and the blue eyes were burning, and the man had stood up, holding
court from behind his big desk, pounding on the top of it with a
fury that left me terrified, and weak.
It was the fleshy, perfumed man who
stopped the terrible show. He shuffled up to the candidate,
whispered a few words and laughed in a jolly fashion.
"Of course," the candidate said. Then
to us, he explained, "I have an appearance. We’ll have to resume
this talk at another time." He shook both our hands. I remember a
clammy heat and a strong grip, and he stared into my eyes,
absolutely unaware that a fleet of very tiny, very modern
electronics were floating on my tears, transporting every sight and
sound to a relay device set up in a nearby warehouse. In a few
hours, an edited version of the candidate’s raging, curse-strewn
tirade would end up on the nightly news, and all but the most
hateful voters would turn away from him.
But that was still in the
future.
With his new allies following after
him, the candidate walked out into the afternoon sun. "Thank you,
Mr. Dunlop. We will be in touch."
Dad started to fish for his
keys.
"That cheetah," said the candidate.
"I’ve heard about it. Let me look at him, for a minute."
Dad didn’t want to. But he had no
choice. He lowered the back window a little ways, and Hadrian poked
his head through the gap. The candidate stood at a respectful
distance. He grinned and said, "What a noble, proud beast." Then he
turned to me, winking. "You’re a very lucky lad, having a pet such
as this."
I said, "I know."
Later, when Nathan and I were friends
again, I’d tell him that part of the story over and over
again.
It was his favorite part.
"I know," I said.
"A lucky lad," the candidate
repeated.
Inspiration struck me. All of a
sudden, I said, "Pet him." I smiled and said, "Really, he loves
being petted behind the ears."
"Does he?" the candidate asked, a
little tentative now.
"Oh, sure. Go on!"
Dad didn’t say a single
word.
The pale clammy hand started to reach
for the ears, and the cat watched the fingers, eyes smiling . . .
and then came the sharp click of incisors slicing into living
flesh.
There were always swim meets in the
summer. One of the meets was in New Carthage, at the big pool in the
main city park. We left before dawn, taking Mom’s car so we were
sure to make it. My brother had a string of races, and I think he
won most of them. I had a couple, and I don’t remember where I
finished. I don’t care now, and I barely cared then.
What I remember is a huge tent that
one of the teams had set up on the grass.
What I remember, always, is stepping
into the odd orange light that filtered through the phony silk, the
heat of the day diminishing while the air grew damp and close. A
hundred or more bodies were sitting and standing inside that tiny
space, and everybody was trying to hold their breath. A portable EV
was set on a cooler. With a special antenna, it was picking up the
feed from a Chinese satellite. While I watched, stunned and
thrilled, a round hatch pulled open on another world, and a man in a
padded suit climbed down a long ladder, jumping down onto the dusty
red surface that had never before known the touch of a human
being.
Everybody cheered.
I remember that wild, honest roar
coming up from everywhere. Including from me.
Sometime later that day, just by
chance, I was standing near the main gate of the pool. A familiar
man came walking past me. I looked at him, and he said, "Samuel,"
with this easy, friendly voice that I halfway recognized. But it
took me several moments to place both the face and voice. By then,
he was introducing himself. He shook my hand, and I asked, "What are
you doing here?"
Chuckling, he said, "I’m a swimmer. I
always have been."
There were master’s events at the
meet. He must have been taking part in a few races, as well as
speaking to his potential voters.
"Did you happen to watch? The Mars
landing?"
"Oh, sure."
"Wasn’t it wonderful?"
"Yeah," I said, without a shred of
doubt. "It was great."
"Humans have now walked on Mars," he
remarked. Then he used the Chinese word for the planet, adding,
"This is a great day for our little world."
I couldn’t agree more.
"Is your father here?"
I pointed in a vague
direction.
"I need to speak to him, if I could. I
want to thank him."
"For what?"
"A great deal, the way I hear it
told." Then he winked at me, commenting, "We have the same good
friend, I understand." And he named Nathan’s grandfather.
For half a second, I thought about him
sleeping with his secretary.
I didn’t say one word.
"Walk me to your father,
please."
"Okay."
We left the pool, moving at a strong
pace. "This is a wonderful world we live in. Did you know that,
Samuel?"
"I guess. . . ."
"We’re blessed." He kept chuckling,
reminding me, "We’re walking on Mars. People are well-fed, and
mostly educated. There are no important wars at the moment. And
diseases have been mostly eradicated."
I nodded, and smiled
nervously.
"In a different century," he said,
"you would have had to worry. About measles, and polio, and the
mumps."
"I’ve had my shots," I
said.
"Exactly." Then he patted me on the
shoulder, saying, "I have weak eyes. Yet I don’t wear
glasses."
"There’s a surgery," I said. "If
you’re rich. . . ."
I let my voice collapse. Was it
stupid, calling him rich?
But he just laughed it off, telling
me, "I wish everyone could have these advantages. And I think one
day–sooner than you could guess–everybody will have
them."
Confident and a little cocky, I chimed
in, "I’m sorry. But I’m too young to vote for you."
He barely noticed my joke.
"End the tariffs, and the censors, and
open up our markets . . . if we can finally join with the rest of
the world in every meaningful way . . . that’s what I think we need
to do. . . ."
I wasn’t sure whom he was talking
to.
"If I run for President of the New
Lands," he asked, "sometime in the next few years, would you vote
for me, Samuel?"
"No," I reported. "I’m voting for my
father."
He laughed, and walked faster, and I
had to practically run to keep up with his long, happy
strides.