From May to September, Delia took the
Churro sheep and two dogs and went up on Joe-Johns Mountain to live.
She had that country pretty much to herself all summer. Ken Owen
sent one of his Mexican hands up every other week with a load of
groceries, but otherwise she was alone, alone with the sheep and the
dogs. She liked the solitude. Liked the silence. Some sheepherders
she knew talked a blue streak to the dogs, the rocks, the
porcupines, they sang songs and played the radio, read their
magazines out loud, but Delia let the silence settle into her, and,
by early summer, she had begun to hear the ticking of the dry
grasses as a language she could almost translate. The dogs were
named Jesus and Alice. "Away to me, Jesus," she said when they were
moving the sheep. "Go bye, Alice." From May to September these words
spoken in command of the dogs were almost the only times she heard
her own voice; that, and when the Mexican brought the groceries, a
polite exchange in Spanish about the weather, the health of the
dogs, the fecundity of the ewes.
The Churros were a very old breed. The
O-Bar Ranch had a federal allotment up on the mountain, which was
all rimrock and sparse grasses well suited to the Churros, who were
fiercely protective of their lambs and had a long-stapled top coat
that could take the weather. They did well on the thin grass of the
mountain where other sheep would lose flesh and give up their lambs
to the coyotes. The Mexican was an old man. He said he remembered
Churros from his childhood in the Oaxaca highlands, the rams with
their four horns, two curving up, two down. "Buen’ carne," he told
Delia. Uncommonly fine meat.
The wind blew out of the southwest in
the early part of the season, a wind that smelled of juniper and
sage and pollen; in the later months, it blew straight from the
east, a dry wind smelling of dust and smoke, bringing down showers
of parched leaves and seedheads of yarrow and bittercress.
Thunderstorms came frequently out of the east, enormous cloudscapes
with hearts of livid magenta and glaucous green. At those times, if
she was camped on a ridge, she’d get out of her bed and walk
downhill to find a draw where she could feel safer, but if she were
camped in a low place, she would stay with the sheep while a war
passed over their heads, spectacular jagged flares of lightning,
skull-rumbling cannonades of thunder. It was maybe bred into the
bones of Churros, a knowledge and a tolerance of mountain weather,
for they shifted together and waited out the thunder with surprising
composure; they stood forbearingly while rain beat down in hard
blinding bursts.
Sheepherding was simple work, although
Delia knew some herders who made it hard, dogging the sheep every
minute, keeping them in a tight group, moving all the time. She let
the sheep herd themselves, do what they wanted, make their own
decisions. If the band began to separate, she would whistle or yell,
and often the strays would turn around and rejoin the main group.
Only if they were badly scattered did she send out the dogs. Mostly
she just kept an eye on the sheep, made sure they got good feed,
that the band didn’t split, that they stayed in the boundaries of
the O-Bar allotment. She studied the sheep for the language of their
bodies, and tried to handle them just as close to their nature as
possible. When she put out salt for them, she scattered it on rocks
and stumps as if she were hiding Easter eggs, because she saw how
they enjoyed the search.
The spring grass made their manure
wet, so she kept the wool cut away from the ewes’ tail area with a
pair of sharp, short-bladed shears. She dosed the sheep with wormer,
trimmed their feet, inspected their teeth, treated ewes for
mastitis. She combed the burrs from the dogs’ coats and inspected
them for ticks. You’re such good dogs, she told them with her
hands. I’m very very proud of you.
She had some old binoculars, 7 x 32s,
and in the long quiet days, she watched bands of wild horses miles
off in the distance, ragged looking mares with dorsal stripes and
black legs. She read the back issues of the local newspapers,
looking in the obits for names she recognized. She read spine-broken
paperback novels and played solitaire and scoured the ground for
arrowheads and rocks she would later sell to rockhounds. She studied
the parched brown grass, which was full of grasshoppers and beetles
and crickets and ants. But most of her day was spent just walking.
The sheep sometimes bedded quite a ways from her trailer and she had
to get out to them before sunrise when the coyotes would make their
kills. She was usually up by three or four and walking out to the
sheep in darkness. Sometimes she returned to the camp for lunch, but
always she was out with the sheep again until sundown, when the
coyotes were likely to return, and then she walked home after dark
to water and feed the dogs, eat supper, climb into bed.
In her first years on Joe-Johns, she
had often walked three or four miles away from the band just to see
what was over a hill, or to study the intricate architecture of a
sheepherder’s monument. Stacking up flat stones in the form of an
obelisk was a common herders’ pastime, their monuments all over that
sheep country, and though Delia had never felt an impulse to start
one herself, she admired the ones other people had built. She
sometimes walked miles out of her way just to look at a rockpile up
close.
She had a mental map of the allotment,
divided into ten pastures. Every few days, when the sheep had moved
on to a new pasture, she moved her camp. She towed the trailer with
an old Dodge pickup, over the rocks and creekbeds, the sloughs and
dry meadows, to the new place. For a while afterward, after the
engine was shut off and while the heavy old body of the truck was
settling onto its tires, she would be deaf, her head filled with a
dull roaring white noise.
She had about eight hundred ewes, as
well as their lambs, many of them twins or triplets. The ferocity of
the Churro ewes in defending their offspring was sometimes a problem
for the dogs, but in the balance of things, she knew that it kept
her losses small. Many coyotes lived on Joe-Johns, and sometimes a
cougar or bear would come up from the salt pan desert on the north
side of the mountain, looking for better country to own. These
animals considered the sheep to be fair game, which Delia understood
to be their right; and also her right, hers and the dogs’, to take
the side of the sheep. Sheep were smarter than people commonly
believed and the Churros smarter than other sheep she had tended,
but by mid-summer the coyotes always passed the word among
themselves, buen’ carne, and Delia and the dogs then had a job to
work, keeping the sheep out of harm’s way.
She carried a .32 caliber Colt pistol
in an old-fashioned holster worn on her belt. If you’re a coyot’
you’d better be careful of this woman, she said with her body,
with the way she stood and the way she walked when she was wearing
the pistol. That gun and holster had once belonged to her mother’s
mother, a woman who had come West on her own and homesteaded for a
while, down in the Sprague River Canyon. Delia’s grandmother had
liked to tell the story: how a concerned neighbor, a bachelor with
an interest in marriageable females, had pressed the gun upon her,
back when the Klamaths were at war with the army of General Joel
Palmer; and how she never had used it for anything but shooting
rabbits.
In July, a coyote killed a lamb while
Delia was camped no more than two hundred feet away from the bedded
sheep. It was dusk, and she was sitting on the steps of the trailer
reading a two-gun western, leaning close over the pages in the
failing light, and the dogs were dozing at her feet. She heard the
small sound, a strange high faint squeal she did not recognize and
then did recognize, and she jumped up and fumbled for the gun,
yelling at the coyote, at the dogs, her yell startling the entire
band to its feet but the ewes making their charge too late, Delia
firing too late, and none of it doing any good beyond a release of
fear and anger.
A lion might well have taken the lamb
entire; she had known of lion kills where the only evidence was
blood on the grass and a dribble of entrails in the beam of a
flashlight. But a coyote is small and will kill with a bite to the
throat and then perhaps eat just the liver and heart, though a
mother coyote will take all she can carry in her stomach, bolt it
down and carry it home to her pups. Delia’s grandmother’s pistol had
scared this one off before it could even take a bite, and the lamb
was twitching and whole on the grass, bleeding only from its neck.
The mother ewe stood over it, crying in a distraught and pitiful
way, but there was nothing to be done, and, in a few minutes, the
lamb was dead.
There wasn’t much point in chasing
after the coyote, and anyway, the whole band was now a skittish
jumble of anxiety and confusion; it was hours before the mother ewe
gave up her grieving, before Delia and the dogs had the band calm
and bedded down again, almost midnight. By then, the dead lamb had
stiffened on the ground, and she dragged it over by the truck and
skinned it and let the dogs have the meat, which went against her
nature, but was about the only way to keep the coyote from coming
back for the carcass.
While the dogs worked on the lamb, she
stood with both hands pressed to her tired back, looking out at the
sheep, the mottled pattern of their whiteness almost opalescent
across the black landscape, and the stars thick and bright above the
faint outline of the rock ridges, stood there a moment before
turning toward the trailer, toward bed, and afterward, she would
think how the coyote and the sorrowing ewe and the dark of the July
moon and the kink in her back, how all of that came together and was
the reason that she was standing there watching the sky, was the
reason that she saw the brief, brilliantly green flash in the
southwest and then the sulfur yellow streak breaking across the
night, southwest to due west on a descending arc onto Lame Man
Bench. It was a broad bright ribbon, rainbow-wide, a cyanotic
contrail. It was not a meteor, she had seen hundreds of meteors. She
stood and looked at it.
Things to do with the sky, with
distance, you could lose perspective, it was hard to judge even a
lightning strike, whether it had touched down on a particular hill
or the next hill or the valley between. So she knew this thing
falling out of the sky might have come down miles to the west of
Lame Man, not onto Lame Man at all, which was two miles away, at
least two miles, and getting there would be all ridges and rocks, no
way to cover the ground in the truck. She thought about it. She had
moved camp earlier in the day, which was always troublesome work,
and it had been a blistering hot day, and now the excitement with
the coyote. She was very tired, the tiredness like a weight against
her breastbone. She didn’t know what this thing was, falling out of
the sky. Maybe if she walked over there she would find just a dead
satellite or a broken weather balloon and not dead or broken people.
The contrail thinned slowly while she stood there looking at it,
became a wide streak of yellowy cloud against the blackness, with
the field of stars glimmering dimly behind it.
After a while, she went into the truck
and got a water bottle and filled it, and also took the first aid
kit out of the trailer and a couple of spare batteries for the
flashlight and a handful of extra cartridges for the pistol, and
stuffed these things into a backpack and looped her arms into the
straps and started up the rise away from the dark camp, the bedded
sheep. The dogs left off their gnawing of the dead lamb and trailed
her anxiously, wanting to follow, or not wanting her to leave the
sheep. "Stay by," she said to them sharply, and they went back and
stood with the band and watched her go. That coyot’, he’s done
with us tonight: This is what she told the dogs with her body,
walking away, and she believed it was probably true.
Now that she’d decided to go, she
walked fast. This was her sixth year on the mountain, and, by this
time, she knew the country pretty well. She didn’t use the
flashlight. Without it, she became accustomed to the starlit
darkness, able to see the stones and pick out a path. The air was
cool, but full of the smell of heat rising off the rocks and the
parched earth. She heard nothing but her own breathing and the
gritting of her boots on the pebbly dirt. A little owl circled once
in silence and then went off toward a line of cottonwood trees
standing in black silhouette to the northeast.
Lame Man Bench was a great upthrust
block of basalt grown over with scraggly juniper forest. As she
climbed among the trees, the smell of something like ozone or sulfur
grew very strong, and the air became thick, burdened with dust.
Threads of the yellow contrail hung in the limbs of the trees. She
went on across the top of the bench and onto slabs of shelving rock
that gave a view to the west. Down in the steep-sided draw below her
there was a big wing-shaped piece of metal resting on the ground,
which she at first thought had been torn from an airplane, but then
realized was a whole thing, not broken, and she quit looking for the
rest of the wreckage. She squatted down and looked at it. Yellow
dust settled slowly out of the sky, pollinating her hair, her
shoulders, the toes of her boots, faintly dulling the oily black
shine of the wing, the thing shaped like a wing.
While she was squatting there looking
down at it, something came out from the sloped underside of it, a
coyote she thought at first, and then it wasn’t a coyote but a dog
built like a greyhound or a whippet, deep-chested, long legged, very
light-boned and frail-looking. She waited for somebody else, a man,
to crawl out after his dog, but nobody did. The dog squatted to pee
and then moved off a short distance and sat on its haunches and
considered things. Delia considered, too. She considered that the
dog might have been sent up alone. The Russians had sent up a dog in
their little sputnik, she remembered. She considered that a skinny
almost hairless dog with frail bones would be dead in short order if
left alone in this country. And she considered that there might be a
man inside the wing, dead or too hurt to climb out. She thought how
much trouble it would be, getting down this steep rock bluff in the
darkness to rescue a useless dog and a dead man.
After a while, she stood and started
picking her way into the draw. The dog by this time was smelling the
ground, making a slow and careful circuit around the black wing.
Delia kept expecting the dog to look up and bark, but it went on
with its intent inspection of the ground as if it was stone deaf, as
if Delia’s boots making a racket on the loose gravel was not an
announcement that someone was coming down. She thought of the old
Dodge truck, how it always left her ears ringing, and wondered if
maybe it was the same with this dog and its wing-shaped sputnik,
although the wing had fallen soundless across the sky.
When she had come about half way down
the hill, she lost footing and slid down six or eight feet before
she got her heels dug in and found a handful of willow scrub to hang
onto. A glimpse of this movement–rocks sliding to the bottom, or the
dust she raised–must have startled the dog, for it leaped backward
suddenly and then reared up. They looked at each other in silence,
Delia and the dog, Delia standing leaning into the steep slope a
dozen yards above the bottom of the draw, and the dog standing next
to the sputnik, standing all the way up on its hind legs like a bear
or a man and no longer seeming to be a dog but a person with a long
narrow muzzle and a narrow chest, turned-out knees, delicate
dog-like feet. Its genitals were more cat-like than dog, a male set
but very small and neat and contained. Dog’s eyes, though, dark and
small and shining below an anxious brow, so that she was reminded of
Jesus and Alice, the way they had looked at her when she had left
them alone with the sheep. She had years of acquaintance with dogs
and she knew enough to look away, break off her stare. Also, after a
moment, she remembered the old pistol and holster at her belt. In
cowboy pictures, a man would unbuckle his gunbelt and let it down on
the ground as a gesture of peaceful intent, but it seemed to her
this might only bring attention to the gun, to the true intent of a
gun, which is always killing. This woman is nobody at all to be
scared of, she told the dog with her body, standing very still
along the steep hillside, holding onto the scrub willow with her
hands, looking vaguely to the left of him, where the smooth curve of
the wing rose up and gathered a veneer of yellow dust.
The dog, the dog person, opened his
jaws and yawned the way a dog will do to relieve nervousness, and
then they were both silent and still for a minute. When finally he
turned and stepped toward the wing, it was an unexpected, delicate
movement, exactly the way a ballet dancer steps along on his toes,
knees turned out, lifting his long thin legs; and then he dropped
down on all-fours and seemed to become almost a dog again. He went
back to his business of smelling the ground intently, though every
little while he looked up to see if Delia was still standing along
the rock slope. It was a steep place to stand. When her knees
finally gave out, she sat down very carefully where she was, which
didn’t spook him. He had become used to her by then, and his brief,
sliding glance just said, That woman up there is nobody at all to
be scared of.
What he was after, or wanting to know,
was a mystery to her. She kept expecting him to gather up rocks,
like all those men who’d gone to the moon, but he only smelled the
ground, making a wide slow circuit around the wing the way Alice
always circled round the trailer every morning, nose down, reading
the dirt like a book. And when he seemed satisfied with what he’d
learned, he stood up again and looked back at Delia, a last look
delivered across his shoulder before he dropped down and disappeared
under the edge of the wing, a grave and inquiring look, the kind of
look a dog or a man will give you before going off on his own
business, a look that says, You be okay if I go? If he had
been a dog, and if Delia had been close enough to do it, she’d have
scratched the smooth head, felt the hard bone beneath, moved her
hands around the soft ears. Sure, okay, you go on now, Mr.
Dog: This is what she would have said with her hands. Then he
crawled into the darkness under the slope of the wing, where she
figured there must be a door, a hatch letting into the body of the
machine, and after a while he flew off into the dark of the July
moon.
In the weeks afterward, on nights when
the moon had set or hadn’t yet risen, she looked for the flash and
streak of something breaking across the darkness out of the
southwest. She saw him come and go to that draw on the west side of
Lame Man Bench twice more in the first month. Both times, she left
her grandmother’s gun in the trailer and walked over there and sat
in the dark on the rock slab above the draw and watched him for a
couple of hours. He may have been waiting for her, or he knew her
smell, because both times he reared up and looked at her just about
as soon as she sat down. But then he went on with his business.
That woman is nobody to be scared of, he said with his body,
with the way he went on smelling the ground, widening his circle and
widening it, sometimes taking a clod or a sprig into his mouth and
tasting it, the way a mild-mannered dog will do when he’s
investigating something and not paying any attention to the person
he’s with.
Delia had about decided that the draw
behind Lame Man Bench was one of his regular stops, like the ten
campsites she used over and over again when she was herding on
Joe-Johns Mountain; but after those three times in the first month,
she didn’t see him again.
At the end of September, she brought
the sheep down to the O-Bar. After the lambs had been shipped out
she took her band of dry ewes over onto the Nelson prairie for the
fall, and in mid-November, when the snow had settled in, she brought
them to the feed lots. That was all the work the ranch had for her
until lambing season. Jesus and Alice belonged to the O-Bar. They
stood in the yard and watched her go.
In town, she rented the same room as
the year before, and, as before, spent most of a year’s wages on
getting drunk and standing other herders to rounds of drink. She
gave up looking into the sky.
In March, she went back out to the
ranch. In bitter weather, they built jugs and mothering-up pens, and
trucked the pregnant ewes from Green, where they’d been feeding on
wheat stubble. Some ewes lambed in the trailer on the way in, and
after every haul, there was a surge of lambs born. Delia had the
night shift, where she was paired with Roy Joyce, a fellow who
raised sugar beets over in the valley and came out for the lambing
season every year. In the black, freezing cold middle of the night,
eight and ten ewes would be lambing at a time. Triplets, twins, big
singles, a few quads, ewes with lambs born dead, ewes too sick or
confused to mother. She and Roy would skin a dead lamb and feed the
carcass to the ranch dogs and wrap the fleece around a bummer lamb,
which was intended to fool the bereaved ewe into taking the orphan
as her own, and sometimes it worked that way. All the mothering-up
pens swiftly filled, and the jugs filled, and still some ewes with
new lambs stood out in the cold field waiting for a room to open
up.
You couldn’t pull the stuck lambs with
gloves on, you had to reach into the womb with your fingers to turn
the lamb, or tie cord around the feet, or grasp the feet barehanded,
so Delia’s hands were always cold and wet, then cracked and
bleeding. The ranch had brought in some old converted school buses
to house the lambing crew, and she would fall into a bunk at
daybreak and then not be able to sleep, shivering in the unheated
bus with the gray daylight pouring in the windows and the endless
daytime clamor out at the lambing sheds. All the lambers had sore
throats, colds, nagging coughs. Roy Joyce looked like hell, deep
bags as blue as bruises under his eyes, and Delia figured she looked
about the same, though she hadn’t seen a mirror, not even to draw a
brush through her hair, since the start of the season.
By the end of the second week, only a
handful of ewes hadn’t lambed. The nights became quieter. The
weather cleared, and the thin skiff of snow melted off the grass. On
the dark of the moon, Delia was standing outside the mothering-up
pens drinking coffee from a thermos. She put her head back and held
the warmth of the coffee in her mouth a moment, and, as she was
swallowing it down, lowering her chin, she caught the tail end of a
green flash and a thin yellow line breaking across the sky, so far
off anybody else would have thought it was a meteor, but it was
bright, and dropping from southwest to due west, maybe right onto
Lame Man Bench. She stood and looked at it. She was so very
goddamned tired and had a sore throat that wouldn’t clear, and she
could barely get her fingers to fold around the thermos, they were
so split and tender.
She told Roy she felt sick as a horse,
and did he think he could handle things if she drove herself into
town to the Urgent Care clinic, and she took one of the ranch trucks
and drove up the road a short way and then turned onto the rutted
track that went up to Joe-Johns.
The night was utterly clear and you
could see things a long way off. She was still an hour’s drive from
the Churros’ summer range when she began to see a yellow-orange
glimmer behind the black ridgeline, a faint nimbus like the ones
that marked distant range fires on summer nights.
She had to leave the truck at the
bottom of the bench and climb up the last mile or so on foot, had to
get a flashlight out of the glove box and try to find an uphill path
with it because the fluttery reddish lightshow was finished by then,
and a thick pall of smoke overcast the sky and blotted out the
stars. Her eyes itched and burned, and tears ran from them, but the
smoke calmed her sore throat. She went up slowly, breathing through
her mouth.
The wing had burned a skid path
through the scraggly junipers along the top of the bench and had
come apart into about a hundred pieces. She wandered through the
burnt trees and the scattered wreckage, shining her flashlight into
the smoky darkness, not expecting to find what she was looking for,
but there he was, lying apart from the scattered pieces of metal,
out on the smooth slab rock at the edge of the draw. He was panting
shallowly and his close coat of short brown hair was matted with
blood. He lay in such a way that she immediately knew his back was
broken. When he saw Delia coming up, his brow furrowed with worry. A
sick or a wounded dog will bite, she knew that, but she squatted
next to him. It’s just me, she told him, by shining the light
not in his face but in hers. Then she spoke to him. "Okay," she
said. "I’m here now," without thinking too much about what the words
meant, or whether they meant anything at all, and she didn’t
remember until afterward that he was very likely deaf anyway. He
sighed and shifted his look from her to the middle distance, where
she supposed he was focused on approaching death.
Near at hand, he didn’t resemble a dog
all that much, only in the long shape of his head, the folded-over
ears, the round darkness of his eyes. He lay on the ground flat on
his side like a dog that’s been run over and is dying by the side of
the road, but a man will lay like that too when he’s dying. He had
small-fingered nail-less hands where a dog would have had toes and
front feet. Delia offered him a sip from her water bottle, but he
didn’t seem to want it, so she just sat with him quietly, holding
one of his hands, which was smooth as lambskin against the cracked
and roughened flesh of her palm. The batteries in the flashlight
gave out, and sitting there in the cold darkness she found his head
and stroked it, moving her sore fingers lightly over the bone of his
skull, and around the soft ears, the loose jowls. Maybe it wasn’t
any particular comfort to him, but she was comforted by doing it.
Sure, okay, you can go on.
She heard him sigh, and then sigh
again, and each time wondered if it would turn out to be his death.
She had used to wonder what a coyote, or especially a dog, would
make of this doggish man, and now while she was listening, waiting
to hear if he would breathe again, she began to wish she’d brought
Alice or Jesus with her, though not out of that old curiosity. When
her husband had died years before, at the very moment he took his
last breath, the dog she’d had then had barked wildly and raced back
and forth from the front to the rear door of the house as if he’d
heard or seen something invisible to her. People said it was her
husband’s soul going out the door or his angel coming in. She didn’t
know what it was the dog had seen or heard or smelled, but she
wished she knew. And now she wished she had a dog with her to bear
witness.
She went on petting him even after he
had died, after she was sure he was dead, went on petting him until
his body was cool, and then she got up stiffly from the bloody
ground and gathered rocks and piled them onto him, a couple of feet
high, so that he wouldn’t be found or dug up. She didn’t know what
to do about the wreckage, so she didn’t do anything with it at
all.
In May, when she brought the Churro
sheep back to Joe-Johns Mountain, the pieces of the wrecked wing had
already eroded, were small and smooth-edged like the bits of sea
glass you find on a beach, and she figured that this must be what it
was meant to do: to break apart into pieces too small for anybody to
notice, and then to quickly wear away. But the stones she’d piled
over his body seemed like the start of something, so she began the
slow work of raising them higher into a sheepherder’s monument. She
gathered up all the smooth eroded bits of wing, too, and laid them
in a series of widening circles around the base of the monument. She
went on piling up stones through the summer and into September,
until it reached fifteen feet. Mornings, standing with the sheep
miles away, she would look for it through the binoculars and think
about ways to raise it higher, and she would wonder what was buried
under all the other monuments sheepherders had raised in that
country. At night, she studied the sky, but nobody came for
him.
In November, when she finished with
the sheep and went into town, she asked around and found a guy who
knew about star-gazing and telescopes. He loaned her some books and
sent her to a certain pawnshop, and she gave most of a year’s wages
for a 14 x 75 telescope with a reflective lens. On clear, moonless
nights, she met the astronomy guy out at the Little League baseball
field, and she sat on a fold-up canvas stool with her eye against
the telescope’s finder while he told her what she was seeing:
Jupiter’s moons, the Pelican Nebula, the Andromeda Galaxy. The
telescope had a tripod mount, and he showed her how to make a little
jerry-built device so she could mount her old 7 x 32 binoculars on
the tripod too. She used the binoculars for their wider view of star
clusters and small constellations. She was indifferent to most
discomforts, could sit quietly in one position for hours at a time,
teeth rattling with the cold, staring into the immense vault of the
sky until she became numb and stiff, barely able to stand and walk
back home. Astronomy, she discovered, was a work of patience, but
the sheep had taught her patience, or it was already in her nature
before she ever took up with them.