WHO.. .
. .
. says you can't find the earth's most fantastic machine sitting in the middle
of a neighborhood junkyard?
. . . says you can't use skywriting to build a mausoleum big enough to
bury a city?
. . . says you can't play a monstrously elaborate joke on all of the
world's leading scientists?
. . . says you can't build
a better mousetrap that will by itself destroy civilization?
. . . says you can't stop interplanetary war by finding a certain
hungry ragpicker?
Who?
You?
Then
read on . . .
Other Fawcett Gold Medal Books edited by
Groff Conklin
SEVEN TRIPS THROUGH TIME
AND SPACE
12 GREAT CLASSICS OF SCIENCE FICTION
13
GREAT STORIES OF SCIENCE FICTION
Edited
by Groff Conklin
A FAWCETT GOLD MEDAL
BOOK Fawcatt Publications, Inc., Greenwich, Conn. Hember of American Book Publishers Council, Inc.
Copyright © 1960 by Fawcett Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved, including the right to
reproduce this book or portions thereof.
Poul Anderson, THE LIGHT. © 1957 by Galaxy
Publishing Corporation. Reprinted by permission of Scott Meredith from Galaxy Science Fiction, March 1957.
Algis Budrys, THE WAR IS
OVER. © 1957 by Street and Smith Publications, Inc. Reprinted by permission of
Scott Meredith from Astounding
Science Fiction, February
1957.
Arthur C. Clarke, SILENCE, PLEASE! Copyright
1950 by Science
Fantasy Magazine
(Great Britain). Reprinted by permission of Scott Meredith from Science Fantasy, Winter, 1950.
G. C. Edmondson, TECHNOLOGICAL
RETREAT. © 1956 by Mercury Press, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Malcolm Reiss
from Magazine of Fantasy
and Science Fiction, May
1956.
Richard B. Gehman, THE MACHINE. Copyright
1946 by P. F. Collier & Son Corp. Reprinted by permission of the author and
Littauer and Wilkinson, agents, from Colliers, December
14, 1946.
Wyman Guin, VOLPIA.
Copyright 1952 by Galaxy Publishing Corporation. Reprinted by permission of the
author from Galaxy
Science Fiction, May
1956.
Damon Knight, THE
ANALOGUES. Copyright 1952 by Street and Smith Publications, Inc. Reprinted by
permission of Harry Altshuler from Astounding Science Fiction, January 1952.
William Morrison, SHIPPING
CLERK. Copyright 1952 by Galaxy Publishing Corporation. Reprinted by permission
of Joseph Samachson from Galaxy Science Fiction, June 1952.
Alan Nelson, SOAP OPERA Copyright 1953 by
Mercury Press, Inc. Reprinted by permission of the author from Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, April 1953.
W. T. Powers, ALLEGORY.
Copyright 1953 by Street and Smith Publications, Inc. Reprinted
from Astounding Science
fiction, April
1953.
Lion Miller, THE AVAILABLE DATA ON THE WORP
REACTION. Copyright 1953 by Mercury Press, Inc. Reprinted by permission of the author from Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, September 1953.
Theodore Sturgeon, THE
SKILLS OF XANADU. © 1956 by Galaxy
Publishing Corporation. Reprinted by permission of the author from Galaxy Scienea Fiction, July 1956.
John Wyndham, COMPASSION
CIRCUIT. Copyright 1954 by King Size Publications. Reprinted by permission of
Scott Meredith from Fantastic
Universe, December
1954.
All characters In this book
are fictional, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely
coincidental.
Printed in the United States of America
Contents
Introduction 7
The War Is Over 11
Algis Budrys
The Light 22
Foul
Anderson
Compassion Circuit 34
John Wyndham
Volpla 45
Wyman Guin
Silence, Please! 68
Arthur
C. Clarke
Allegory 81
William T. Powers
Soap Opera 93
Alan Nelson
Shipping Clerk 105
William
Morrison
Technological Retreat 121
G.
C. Edmondson
The Analogues 132
Damon
Knight
The Available Data on the Worp Reaction 144 Lion Miller
The Skills of Xanadu 148
Theodore
Sturgeon
The Machine 175
Richard
Gehman
Introduction
hat constitutes invention—in science fiction as
well as science? The dictionary definition is, like so many dictionary
definitions, vague, generalized, variable, and subject to wide and conflicting
interpretations.
Says
Webster: "Invention: the power of inventing, or conceiving, devising,
originating, etc. . . . Something invented; specif.: a. A fabrication of the imagination; fiction; hence, falsehood, b. A device, contrivance, or the like, originated after study and
experiment."
In
other words, "invention" does not only mean a patentable gadget or
process that can be used to increase the luxury, the efficiency, or the
complicatedness of modern life. It can mean many other things. To take a single
example, there are musical "inventions;" and the great Johann Sebastian
Bach described his as having as their purpose not only to teach the student
"To learn ... to acquire good
ideas, but also to work them out themselves . . ." The function of invention,
in science, in fiction, in music, in everything, is thus to expand the use of the mind, as well as to turn out something "new."
How
widely the term is used! There have been poets who said that God
"invented" the universe. Critics often write in praise of an actor's
"inventiveness" in portraying a character or illuminating a
situation. Once there was a social poet who wrote:
"So
every great invention means Another multi-millionaire Whose hirelings—also his
machines— Subsist on less than prison fare."
That
was by an almost-forgotten American named John Luckey McCreery (d. 1906).
Almost
every kind of invention in the book is to be found in this collection, except
musical. There is an invention that begins a new civilization, and another that
ends an old one. There is a silly little invention that makes skywriting impractical—for
a limited time and over a limited area, at any rate. And a very serious one
that enslaves mankind. One tale tells of a man who "invented" a new
animal, and another that reports on a fellow who "dis-invented"
noise. And there are a couple describing inventions that are patently (pardon
the pun) beyond science; in this, perhaps, partaking more of the aspects of
Webster's definition dealing with "fabrications of the imagination"
rather than with contrivances "originated after study and
experiment." In other words, sheer fantasy inventions.
Only
one important type of standard science fiction invention is omitted from this
book: a type that has, indeed, become almost tiresomely commonplace in recent
years. That is the time machine. There are no rime machines in this collection
because (if you want the fact flatly) everyone will
expect some time machine stories: so why include the obvious in a highly
unobvious book like this ?
Meanwhile,
I hope you enjoy this book—and also that you draw a few conclusions from
it, comparing its screwy ideas with the real world as we know it. The
conclusion: almost anything can be invented! What could have been more unbelievable
than radio to a person who hadn't been born in an era in which Hertzian waves
were a commonplace? Or hydrogen bombs, in a world without E=Mc* ? So don't be surprised if some of the notions in this compilation have
become reality by the time you get hold of it. (On the other hand, don't be
surprised if they haven't, either!)
There
are, of course, many hundreds of "inventions" in the science fiction
gold mine, and we can only scratch the surface of the lode in a book as brief
as this. For those who want more of the same, many of the over one hundred
anthologies of science fantasy that have appeared during the past twelve years
are as full of 24-karat invention as a good home-made raisin bread is of
raisins. The present selection does, however, offer a selective survey of the
almost incredibly rich vein of
introduction 9
ideas
that the science fiction imagination habitually explores; and that is all it is
intended to do. If it encourages you to further reading in this exciting
field—why, so much the better!
------ Groff Conkjun
The
War Is Over
by
Algis
Budrys
The
first sentence of this somber story
sets its mood with a disturbing incongruity, for
only birds and reptiles have nictitating membranes over their eyes. Certainly
no human named Frank Simpson ever had them. . . . Well—read on, and discover
what strange wonders tomorrow's cybernetic science can be imagined as
developing to control living beings—and on an intergalactic scale, at that.
A |
slow wind was rolling over the dusty plateau where the
spaceship was being fueled, and Frank Simpson, waiting in his flight coveralls,
drew his nictitating membranes across his stinging eyes. He continued to stare
abstractedly at the gleaming, just-completed hull.
Overhead,
Castle's cold sun glowed wanly down through the ice-crystal clouds. A line of
men stretched from the block-and-tackle hoist at the plateau's edge to the
exposed fuel racks at the base of the riveted hull. As each naked fuel slug was
hauled up from the plain, it passed from hand to hand, from man to man, and so
to its place in the ship. A reserve labor pool stood quietly to one side. As a
man faltered in the working line, a reserve stepped into his place. Sick, dying
men staggered to a place set aside for them, out of the work's way, and slumped
down there, waiting. Some of them had been handling the fuel since it came out
of the processing
pile,
three hundred miles across the plains in a straight line, nearer five hundred
by wagon track. Simpson did not wonder they were dying, nor paid them any
attention. His job was the ship, and he'd be at it soon.
He
wiped at the film of dirt settling on bis cheeks, digging it out or the
serrations in his hide with a horny forefinger-nail. Looking at the ship, he
found himself feeling nothing new. He was neither impressed with its size,
pleased by the innate grace of its design, nor excited by anticipation of its
goal. He felt nothing but the old, old driving urgency to get aboard, lock the
locks, throw the switches, fire the engines, and go—go\ From birth, probably, from first intelligent self-awareness certainly, that
drive had loomed over everything else like a demon just behind his back. Every
one of these men on this plateau felt the same thing. Only Simpson was going,
but he felt no triumph in it.
He
turned his back on a particularly vicious puff of dust arid found himself
looking in the direction of Castle town, far over the horizon on the other side
of the great plains that ended at the foot of this plateau.
Castle
town was his birthplace. He thought to himself, with sardonic logic, that he
could hardly have had any other. Where else on Castle did anyone live but in
Castle town? He remembered his family's den with no special sentimental affection.
But, standing here in the thin cold, bedeviled by dust, he appreciated it in
memory. It was a snug, comfortable place to be, with the rich, moist smell of
the earth surrounding him. There was a ramp up to the surface, and at the
ramp's head were the few square yards of ground hard-packed by the weight of
generations of his family lying ecstatically in the infrequently warm sun.
He
hunched his shoulders against the cold of the plateau, and a wish that he was
back on the other side of the plains, where Castle town spread on one side of
the broad hill above a quiet creek, crept past the demon that had brought him
here.
The
thought of Castle town reminded him of his father— "This is the generation, Frank! This is the generation that'll see the ship finished, and one of us going. It
could be you,
Frank!"—and of the
long process, some of it hard work, some of it inherent aptitude, some of it
luck, that had brought him here to pilot this ship into the stars.
And, having brought his reverie back to the
ship, he turned away from the plains and Castle town, looking at the ship.
Generations
in the building, and generations in the learning how before the first strut
was riveted to the first former. The search, the world over, for a fuel source.
Literally hundreds of exploring teams, some of them never coming back,
disappearing into the uncharted lands that surrounded the plains. The find, at
last, and the building of the pile. The processing of the fuel that killed its
handlers, no one knew why.
The
ship, rising here on this plateau year by slow year, at the focus of the wagon
tracks that led out to the orepits and the metalworkers' shops where swearing
apprentices struggled with hot melt splashing into the molds, and others tore
their hands to tatters, filing the flash off the castings.
The
hoist operators, hauling each piece up the side of the plateau because this had
been the place to build the ship, up where the air was thin and the ground was
thousands of feet below, and the patient teamsters, plodding up with new
wagonloads, the traces sunk deep in their calloused shoulders.
Now it had all culminated,
and he could go.
The
crunch of gravel turned his head to his left, and he saw Wilmer Edgeworth
coming up to him with the sealed, rusty metal box.
"Here
it is," Edgeworth said, handing him the box. Edge-worth was a blunt,
unceremonious man, and Simpson could not have said he liked him very much. He
took the box and held it.
Edgeworth followed his glance toward the
ship. "Almost ready, I see."
Simpson nodded. "The fueling's almost
done. They'll rivet those last plates over the racks, and then I can go."
"Yes. Then you can go," Edgeworth agreed. "Why?"
"Eh?"
"Why
are you going?" Edgeworth repeated. 'Where are you going? Do you know how
to fly a spaceship? What have any of us ever flown before ?"
Simpson
looked at this madman in startlement. "Why!"
he exploded. "I'm
going because I want to—because I'm here, because the ship's here, because
we've all of us worked ourselves to the bone for generations, so I could
go!" He shook the metal box violently under Edgeworth's jaws.
Edgeworth backed several steps away.
"I'm not trying to stop you," he said.
Simpson's
rage fell away at the disclaimer. "All right," he said, catching his
breath. He looked at Edgeworth curiously. "What made you ask questions
like that,'then?"
Edgeworth
shook his head. "I don't know," he said. He was not so constituted as
to be able to top his first climax. His biggest bolt was shot, and now his
manner lost much of its sureness. "Or, rather," he went on, "I
don't know what I know. But something— Something's wrong. Why are we doing
this? We don't even understand what we've built here. Listen—did you know they
found little towns, like Castle town, but much smaller? With little men in
them, about three inches tall, walking on their hands and feet, naked. They
can't talk, and they don't have any real hands."
"What's that got to do
with this?"
Edgeworth's head was wagging. "I don't
know. But—did you ever look at the boneyard ?" "Who wants to?"
"Nobody
wants to, but I did. And, listen—our ancestors were smaller. Their bones are
smaller. Each generation, going back—their bones are smaller."
"Is that supposed to
mean something to me?"
"No,"
Edgeworth said. The breath whistled slowly out between his teeth. "It
doesn't mean anything to me, either. But I had to tell someone."
"Why?" Simpson
shot back.
"Eh?"
"What's
the use of that kind of talk?" Simpson demanded. "Who cares about old
bones? Who looks in boneyards? The ship's the only important thing. We've
sweated and slaved for it. We've died and wandered away into who knows where,
we've mined and smelted and formed metal to build it, when we could have been
building other things for ourselves. We've fought a war with time, with our own
weak bodies, with distance, dragging those loads up here, we've hauled them up
and built the ship and now I'm gotngF'
He
saw Edgeworth through a red-shot haze, He blinked his eyes impatiently, and
slowly the driving reaction to any obstacle was drained out of his bloodstream
again, and he could feel a little sheepish.
"Sorry, Edgeworth," he muttered. He
jerked his head toward the ship as the sound of riveting mauls came hammering
toward him. The filled fuel racks were being plated over, and the long line of
empty-handed fuel handlers was sinking down toward the ground, resting and
watching the ship being finished.
"Well,
I'm going," Simpson said. He put the metal box under one arm and walked
toward the ship's ladder, passing among the men who rested on the ground. None
or them looked up at him. Who went
didn't much matter. It was the ship they were interested in.
The inside of the ship was almost all hollow
shell, latticed by girders converging on a series of heavy steel rings.
Shock-mounted in the cylinder of free space inside the rings was a hulking,
complex machine, full of hand-drawn wires and painstakingly blown tubes, all
nestled together in tight patterns, encased in fired clay, and wrapped around
with swaths of silicone rubber sheeting. Heavy wiring ran from the apertures
in the final shield of pressed steel, and joined the machine to a generator.
Other wires ran to posts projecting from the inner hull plating. Nobody knew
what it was for. A separate crew had built it while the hull sections were
being formed, taking years at the job. Simpson looked at the shield seams, and
realized the word for that kind of process was "welding."
Below
the main compartment were the engines, with their heavy lead bulkhead.
"Now, what's that
for?" he remembered
asking when he saw it being levered into place.
"Buddy,
ƒ don't know, and I specified for it." The crew foreman spread his hands
helplessly. "The ship just . . . wouldn't feel right... without it."
"You mean it wouldn't
fly without a ton of dead weight?"
"No.
No ... I don't think that's it. I
think it'd fly, but you'd be dead, like the fuel-handlers, before you got there."
The foreman shook his head. "I think that's it."
In
the nose of the ship, hanging over Simpson's head as he clung to the interior
ladder beside the air lock, was the piloting station. There was a couch in
gimbals, and there were control pedestals rooted in the tapering hull and
converging on the couch. The nose was solid, and Simpson wondered how he'd see
out. He suspected there'd be some way. With one last look around, he clambered
up the ladder and into the couch, moving awkwardly with the box under his arm.
Once in the couch, he found a frame jutting out of its structure. The box
fitted it exactly, with spring clips holding it fast.
He
settled himself in the couch, fastening broad straps over his hips and chest.
He reached out tentatively, and found all the controls in easy distance of his
fingers.
Well, he thought to
himself, I'm here and I'm ready.
His
fingers danced over a row of switches. In the belly of the ship, something
rumbled and the wan emergency lights went out as the operating lights came on.
A cluster of screens mounted over his head, inside the gimbal system, came to
life and showed him the outside, all around and fore and aft. He took his last
look at the plateau and the watching men, at the sky overhead and the plains
behind him. Up here in the ship's nose, that much higher above the plains, he
thought he could just make out Castle town's hill.
But
he had no time for that. His hands were flying over the controls. Ready lights
were flashing on his board, and somewhere in the forest of girders behind him,
auxiliary motors were working themselves up toward full song. He pulled the
operating levers toward him, and the massive engines began to growl. He
tripped interlocks, and more fuel canisters began sliding down their racks,
slipping into place. His mouth opened, and he began to heave for breath. He
felt the ship tottering, and felt panic flash through him. In the next instant,
calm settled on him knowledgeably. It was all right. The ship was just breaking
loose. It was all right, the ship was all right, and he was going. At last, at
last he was going.
The
after screens were blank with the haze of burning sand. The ship rumbled up
into the sky, incinerating the watchers on the plateau behind it.
He had never, never in his life imagined that
anything like this lay beyond the sky. There were no clouds, no curtains of
dust, no ripples of atmosphere, no diffused glows of light. There were stars
and nothing but stars, with nothing to veil them, strewn over the black in
double handfuls, forming themselves into coagulating spirals and sheets of
light, gigantic lenses and eggs of galaxies, sun after sun after Sun. He
stared at them open-mouthed, while the massive ship charged at them, completely
bewildered. But when the time came to trip controls he had heretofore left
scrupulously alone, he did it precisely and perfectly. The machine, nestling in
the girders behind him, gulped at power from the generator, surged it through
into the hull, and in an instant in which he saw quite clearly why the ship had
needed so much internal bracing, he was in hyperspace. He ran through it like a
man on a raft on a broad river at night, and then
he was out again, with alarm bells exploding through the hollow ship, and hull
after gigantic interstellar spaceship hull occluding the new stars around him.
He
cut off all power except signal circuits and lights, rested one hand
protectingly on the metal box, wondering what was in it and where he'd come,
and waited.
Simpson pushed through the inner lock hatch
into the Ter-ran ship and stopped, looking at the two aliens waiting for him.
They
were smooth-skinned and tannish-white, with soft-looking fibrous growths
trimmed into shape on their scalps. "Soft-looking" was a good general
description, too. Their skins were flexible as cloth, their faces were rounded,
and their features were muddily defined. Soft. Pulpy. He looked at them with
distaste.
One
of them muttered to the other, probably not allowing for Simpson's range of
hearing: 'Terran? From that}
I don't believe it!"
"How'd
he understand enough to get in here, then?" the other snapped back.
"Be yourself, Hudston. You heard me using the phone. He's got a terrible
accent, and some odd idioms, but it's Terran, right enough."
Simpson
deciphered their mushy intonations. He should have been angry, but he wasn't.
Instead, there was something welling up in his throat—something buried,
something that had begun not with him but with generations past, bottled up for
all this time and now bursting out:
"The
war's over!" he shouted. "It's all over—we've won it!"
The
first Terran looked at him in astonishment, one eyebrow raised. "Really?
What war is that? I wasn't aware of any."
Simpson
felt confused. He felt empty, too, and bewildered at what had erupted from his
larynx. He didn't know what answer to make. He waited for himself to say
something new, but nothing else came. Uncertainly, he. offered the metal box to
the Terran.
"Let's
see that!" the second Terran said quickly, snatching it out of Simpson's
hand. He stared down at the lid. "Good God!"
"What
is it, Admiral?" Hudston asked. The second Terran wordlessly showed him the stamping on the lid, which had never meant anything to Simpson or
anyone else on Castle.
"T.S.N.
Courier Service?" Hudston spelled out. "What the deuce— Oh, of
course, sir! Disbanded in the Twenty-fourth Century, wasn't it?"
"Late
Twenty-third," the admiral muttered. "When the hyperspace radio
network was completed."
"Four hundred years,
sir? What's be doing with it?"
The
admiral was fumbling with the box. The lid everyone on Castle thought was
sealed sprang open. The admiral pulled out a sheaf of crumbling maps, and the
leather-coverea book that had been under them. Neither of the Terrans was
paying any attention to Simpson. He stirred uneasily, and saw several short
rods in the compartment wall swing to follow his move.
The
admiral brushed carefully at the book's cover. He peered down at the
gold-stamped lettering. "Official Log, TSNS Hare. All right, now we're getting somewhere!" He thumbed gingerly through
the first few pages, silently showing Hudston the date, shaking his head, then
going on. "Routine stuff. Let's get to the meat, if there is any." He
stopped and looked at Simpson again for a moment, shook his head violently,
and resumed searching through the pages. Then he said: "Here it is,
Hudston! Listen:
"
"Proceeding at full speed, course for Solar System. All well,' " he
read. " 'At 0600 GST, Eglin Provisional Government concluded truce
pending armistice. Signatories were—' Well, that doesn't matter. They've all
been dust a long time. Let's see what happened to him." The admiral paged
forward. "Here we are. Here's the next day's entry. It's interrupted
here, you'll notice, and finished later: 'Proceeding at full speed, course for
Solar System. In hyperspace. All well. Estimated Time of Arrival, Griffon Base,
+2d., 8hrs.'
"Notice
the squiggle here, Hudston—he must have jerked his arm. Now: 'Resumption of
log: Chance encounter with Eglin picket boat, apparently ignorant of truce,
resulted in severe torpedo damage Compartments D-4, D-5, D-6, D-7. Ship out of
control. Engines and hyperspatial generator functioning erratically, and ship
definitely off course, though navigation at present impossible. Have sustained
superficial bums and simple fractures, right leg and left arm.'
"Here's
the next day's entry: 'Ship still out of control, and engines and generator
continue erratic. Almost all ship's instruments sprung or short-circuited by
explosion shock. Navigation impossible. Ship now falling in and out of
hyperspace at random intervals. Attempted shut-off of generator with no
success. Suspect complex progressive damage to co-ordinator circuits and tuning
grids.' "
"Why didn't he call
for help, sir?"
The
admiral glared at Hudston. "He couldn't. The reason he was out there in
the first place was because they couldn't communicate faster than light, except
by couriers. He was stuck, Hudston. Hurt and trapped. And that, by the way, is
the last entry in the official log. The rest of it's a short journal:
"
'Crash-landed about 1200 GST on small, uninhabited, unknown planet. The
constellations don't make any sense, even by Navigational Projection. I'm down
here for good.
"
'The ship went to hell when I hit. Now I've got two broken legs, and some
gashes. Got the medkit out, though, so that's not much problem. Not right away.
I'm losing blood inside, and I can't figure out how to put a Stedman splint on
that.
"
"Did some exploring this afternoon. From where I am, this place looks like
nothing but grass, but I saw some mountains and rivers before I hit. It's
cold, but not cold enough to bother, unless it's summer now. Maybe it's spring.
I'll worry about winter when I get to it.
"
'Wonder how long it's going to be before Earth finds out the war's over, now?'
"
Simpson's
head jerked. There were the words again. He felt more and more confused, and
more and more listless and empty. He should have been interested in this ship,
and in these people. But he only turned his head perfunctorily, and neither the
smooth, massive bulkheads, glowing with their own light, nor the two Terrains
in their scarlet uniforms, seemed to be able to make much real impression on
him.
He
was here. He'd made it. And he didn't seem to care what happened next.
"There's not much more
to the journal," the admiral was saying. " 'Feel pretty rocky today.
Not much doubt about it —I'm losing more than I can stand. Been eating
Prothrombin bars like candy, but no help. Running out of them, anyway.
"
'Food'd get to be a problem, anyway. There doesn't seem to be anything I can
eat on this place, except for some little things that look like a cross between
a prairie dog and a lizard. Take about two dozen of them to make one breakfast.
"
"No use kidding myself. If my AID can't hold my insides together, Vitamin
K isn't going to do it either. Food doesn't rum out to be a problem after all.
"
'That brings me to a pretty interesting thought. I've got this piece of
information, and an AID's supposed to live inside you and see it gets through.
Never thought about it much, before. Always managed to deliver my own messages.
But here's this thing, now, that's half-alive in its own right, living inside
me. It's built so it's got
to see that any information
I have gets to the right people. I've even heard of AIDs jumping out of a man
and crossing over to an Eggy, and making him bring
the message in. They're smart as hell, in their own way. Nothing stops them.
Nothing shuts them off.
"
'Well, here I am God knows where, all by myself, where nobody'll ever find me.
If I had a ship, I could just get in it and go. Bound to hit Federation
territory sometime. But I haven't got a ship. I haven't even got much of me. I
wonder what the AID's going to do now.' "
The
admiral looked at Hudston. "That's the end of it. It's signed 'Norman
Castle, Ensign, TSN,' and that's the end of it."
Hudston
looked casually at the admiral. "Fascinating," he said. "That was quite a problem for his AID, wasn't it? I suppose, with the crude model
he must have had, it simply died with him."
"AIDs
don't die, Hudston," the admiral said slowly. He dosed the old logbook,
and his face was twisting under the cumulative impact of an idea. "If
you've got one AID, you've got a thousand. And they never give up," he said,
his voice dropping to a whisper. "They're too unintelligent to give up,
and too shrewd."
He
looked at Simpson. "Though I don't suppose that one had progressed far
enough to have a time sense. Not a real time sense. Not one that could judge
when its mission was obsolete." He shook his head at Simpson. "The
war's over," he told him. "It's over a long time. But thanks, anyway.
You did your job."
Simpson
didn't hear him. He felt empty. The demon was gone out of him, and he felt his
mind closing in, losing interest in things that were important to men. He was
down on the deck, on his hands and feet, tearing at his clothes with fretful
jaws and whimpering.
The
Light
h
Poul
Anderson
In its quiet, reticent way (not referring to the story's style, which is
on the hectic side, but to its denouement), this tale of the first moon trip packs one of the biggest wallops of any
science fiction story I have ever read. It
is about an invention that has not yet been "discovered"—but that
was used once, well over 400 years ago! On
a first reading, the story infuriated me. "Nonsense!" I cried. But I
could not get it out of my mind; it haunted me. And I'll wager that
it will haunt you, too.
And
remember—//
could be true. If it really did happen, you can be sure
that the original inventor would have suppressed his discovery "for the good of humanity"—and to save his neck—and history would not have
been at all changed.
Y |
ou've
got to realize this is the
biggest secret since the Manhattan Project. Maybe bigger than that. Your life
has been investigated since you got out of rompers and—
No, blast
it! We're not a gang of power-nutty militarists. Think I wouldn't like to yell
the truth to all the world?
But it
might touch off the war. And everybody knows the war will mean the end of
civilization.
I
should think that you, as a historian, could see our reasons. Machiavelli is
the symbol of cold-blooded realism . . .
and
you don't have to tell me that he was only an exceptionally clear-headed
patriot. I've read The
Prince and
the Discourses.
Frankly,
I'm surprised that you're surprised. Just because I know enough math and physics to be in Astro, why should I be an
uncultured redneck? No, sir, I've traveled around and I spent as much time in
the museums of Europe as I did in the taverns.
I'll
admit my companions on the Moon trip looked a bit askance at me because of
that. They weren't robots, either, but there was so much to learn, it didn't
seem that one human skull could hold it all. Down underneath, I think they were
afraid my memories of the Virgin of the Rocks—the one in London, I mean, that's the best
one—would crowd out my memories of orbital functions. So I made a point of
showing off all the astrogational knowledge I had, during rehearsals, and it
may have antagonized Baird a little.
Not
that we had any fights. We were a tightly woven team when the Benjamin Franklin left the space station and blowtorched for
the Moon. It's just—well, maybe we were somewhat more tense than we would have
been otherwise.
There
were three of us, you remember. Baird was the skipper and pilot, Hernandez the
engineer, and I the instrument man, A
single person could have handled the ship if nothing went wrong, but three
were insurance—any one of us could do any of the other jobs. Also, of course,
since this was to be the first actual landing on the Moon, not merely a swing
around it, we thought our numbers were peeled down to the bare minimum.
Once
in orbit, we hadn't much to do for several days. We floated upward, watching
Earth recede and Luna grow against the deepest, blackest, starriest night you
have ever imagined. No, you haven't imagined it, either. Pictures don't convey
it, the splendor and loneliness.
It
was very quiet in the ship. We talked of little things.to keep that silence at
arm's length. I remember one conversation pretty well and it touches on the why
of all this secrecy.
Earth
hung sapphire in the middle of darkness and the stars. Long white auroral
streamers shook from the poles like banners. Did you know that, seen from such
a distance, our planet has belts? Very much like Jupiter. It's harder than
you'd believe to distinguish the continental outlines.
"I think that's Russia
coming into view," I said.
Baird glanced at the chronometers and the
orbital schedule taped to the wall, and worked his slipstick a minute. "Yeah,"
he grunted. "Siberia ought to be emerging from the terminator right about
now."
"Are they watching us?" murmured Hernandez.
"Sure,"
I said, "They've got a space station of their own, haven't they, and good
telescopes on it?"
"Won't
they grin if we barge into a meteor!" said Hernandez.
"If
they haven't already arranged an accident," grumbled Baird. "I'm not
a damn bit sure they're behind us in astronautics."
"They
wouldn't be sorry to see us come to grief," I said, "but I doubt if
they'd actually sabotage us. Not a trip like this, with everybody
watching."
"It
might start the war?" said Baird. "Not a chance. Nobody's going to
wipe out a nation—knowing his own will be clobbered, too—for three spacemen and
a ten-million-dollar hunk of ship."
"Sure,"
I replied, "but one thing can lead to another. A diplomatic note can be
the first link in a chain ending at war. With the antipodal hydrogen missile
available to both sides, you get an interesting state of affairs. The primary
aim of national policy has become the preservation of the status quo, but at
the same time the tension created makes that status quo exceedingly unstable.
"Do
you think our own government would- be sending us to the Moon if there were any
military benefit to be gained? Hell, no! The first thing which looks as though
it will tip the balance in favor of one side will make the other side go to
war, and that means the probable end of civilization. We gain
points—prestige—by the first Lunar landing, but not a nickel more. Even as it
is, you'll note the Moon is going to be international territory directly under
the U.N. That is, nobody dares claim it, because there just might be something
of real strategic value there."
"How
long can such a balance exist?" wondered Hernandez.
"Till
some accident—say, a hothead getting into power in Russia, or anywhere else,
for that matter—touches off the attack and the retaliation," I said.
"Or there's the faint hope that we'll come up with a gadget absolutely
revolutionary—oh, a force screen able to shield a continent—before they have
any inkling of it. Then we'll present the world with a fait accompli and the Cold War will be over."
"Unless
the Russians get that- screen first," said Hernandez. "Then it'll be
over, too, but the bad guys will have won the bloodless victory."
"Shut up,"
snapped Baird. "You both talk too much."
It
had been the wrong thing for me to say, I knew, out there in the great quiet
night. We shouldn't have carried our little hates and fears and greeds beyond
the sky and out into space.
Or
perhaps the fact that we can be burdened with them and still reach the Moon
shows that Man is bigger than he knows. I couldn't say.
The
waiting wore us down, that and the free-fall. It's easy enough to get used to
zero gravity while you're awake, but your instincts aren't so docile. We'd go
to sleep and have nightmares. Toward the end of the trip, it happened less
often, so I suppose you can get completely adjusted in time.
But
we felt no dramatic sense of pioneering when we came down. We were very tired
and very tense. It was merely a hard breakneck job.
Our
landing site hadn't been chosen exactly, since a small orbital error could make
a big difference as far as the Lunar surface was concerned. We could only be
sure that it would be near the north pole and not on one of the maria, which look invitingly smooth but are probably
treacherous. In point of fact, as you remember, we landed at the foot of the
Lunar Alps, not far from the crater Plato. It was rugged country, but our gear
had been designed for such a place.
And
when the thunder of blasts had faded and our deafened ears tolled slowly
toward quiet, we sat. We sat for minutes without a word being spoken. My
clothes were plastered to me with sweat
"Well," said
Baird at length. "Well, here we are."
He
unstrapped himself and reached for the mike and called the station. Hernandez
and I crowded the periscopes to see what lay outside.
It
was eerie. I've been in deserts on Earth, but they don't blaze so bright, they
aren't so absolutely dead, and the rocks aren't so huge and razor-cornered. The
southern horizon was near; I thought I could see the surface curve away and
tumble off into a foam of stars.
Presently we drew lots. Hernandez got the
small one and stayed inside, while I had the privilege of first setting foot on
the Moon. Baird and I donned our spacesuits and dumped out through the airlock.
Even on Luna, those suits weighed plenty.
We
stood in the shadow of the ship, squinting through glare filters. It wasn't a
totally black, knife-edged shadow— there was reflection from the ground and the
hills—but it was deeper and sharper than any you'll see on Earth. Behind us,
the mountains rose high and cruelly shaped. Ahead of us, the land sloped rough,
cracked, ocherous toward the rim of Plato, where it shouldered above that
toppling horizon. The light was too brilliant for me to see many stars.
You
may recall we landed near sunset and figured to leave shortly after dawn, two
weeks later. At night on the Moon, the temperature reaches 250 below zero, but
the days are hot enough to fry you. And it's easier—takes less mass—to heat the
ship .from the pile than to install a refrigerating unit.
"Well," said
Baird, "go ahead."
"Go ahead and what ?" I asked. •
"Make the speech. You're the first man on the Moon."
"Oh,
but you're the captain," I said. "Wouldn't dream of —no, no, Boss. I
insist."
You
probably read that speech in the papers. It was supposed to have been
extemporaneous, but it was written by the wife of somebody way upstairs who
believed her daim to be a poet. A verbal emetic, wasn't it? And Baird wanted me to deliver it!
"This is mutiny,"
he grumbled.
"May
I suggest that the captain write in the log that the speech was delivered
?" I said.
"Judas
priest!" he snarled. But he did that, later. You understand you're hearing
this under the Top Secret label, don't you?
Baird
remained in a foul temper. "Get some rock samples," he ordered,
setting up the camera. "And on the double! I'm being cooked alive."
I
picked loose some of the material, thinking that the traces I left would
probably last till the Sun burned out. It seemed an act of desecration, though
Lord knew this landscape was ugly enough—
No,
I thought, it wasn't. It was only so foreign to us. Do you know, it was several
hours before I could really see everything?
It took that long for my brain to get used to some of those impressions and
start registering them.
Baird was taking pictures. "I wonder if
this lighting can be photographed," I remarked. "It isn't like anything
that ever shone on Earth." And it wasn't. I can't describe the difference.
Think of some of the weird illuminations we
get on Earth like that brass-colored light just before a storm, things like
that—and multiply the strangeness of them a millionfold.
"Of course it'll
photograph," said Baird.
"Oh,
yes. In a way," I said. "But to get the feel of it, you'd need such a
painter as hasn't lived for centuries. Rembrandt? No, it's too harsh for him, a cold light that's somehow hell-hot, too—"
"Shut
up!" The radio voice nearly broke my earphones. "You and your blasted
Renaissance!"
After
a while, we went inside again. Baird was still mad at me. Unreasonable, but
he'd been under a breaking strain, and he still was, and perhaps this wasn't
the right place to chat about art.
We
fiddled around with our instruments, took what observations were possible, had
a meal and a nap. The shadows crept across the land as the Sun rolled downhill.
It was a very slow movement. Hernandez examined my rock samples and said that
while he wasn't a geologist, this didn't look like anything on Earth. We were
told later that it was new to the experts. Same minerals, but crystallized
differently under those fantastic conditions.
After
our rest, we noticed that the low Sun and the irregular landscape had joined
to give us a broad, nearly continuous band of shade dear to Plato Crater.
Hernandez suggested we use the chance to explore. It would be after sunset
before we could get back, but the ground wouldn't cool off so fast that we
couldn't return with the help of our battery packs. In sunless vacuum, you
don't lose heat very fast by radiation; it's the Lunar rock, cold to the core,
which sucks it out through your boots.
Baird
argued, for the record, but he was eager himself. So, in the end, we all set
out and to hell with doctrine.
I
won't describe that walk in detail. I can't. It wasn't simply the landscape and
the lighting. On the Moon, your weight is only one-sixth as much as on Earth,
while the inertia remains the same. It feels a bit like walking under water.
But you can move fast, once you get the hang of it.
When
we came to the ringwall, there were still a couple of hours till sundown, and
we climbed it. Tricky work in that undiffused dazzle and those solid-looking
shadows, but not very hard. There was an easy slope at the spot we picked and a
kind of pass on top, so we didn't have to dimb the full height, which is a
little under 4000 feet.
When we reached the summit, we could look
down on a lava plain sixty miles across; the farther side was hidden from us.
It seemed almost like polished black metal, crossed by the long shadow of the
western ringwall. The downward grade was steeper, its base lost in darkness,
but it could also be negotiated.
My
helmet, sticking into the direct sunlight, was a Dutch oven; my feet, in the
shade, were frozen dods. But I forgot all that when I saw the mist below me.
Have
you heard of it? Astronomers have noticed it for a long time, what seemed to be
douds or—something—in some of the craters. Plato is one. I'd been hoping we'd
solve the mystery this trip. And there, curling in ragged streamers a quarter
mile below me, was the fog!
It
boiled out of the murk, glowed like gold for a moment as it hit the light, and
then it was gone, evaporated, but more came rolling up every minute. Not a big
patch, this one couldn't have been seen from Earth, but—
I
started down the wall. "Hey!" cried Baird. "Get back here!"
"Just a look," I
pleaded.
"And
you break your leg and have to be carried home, with the night coming on?
No!"
"I
can't break anything in this suit," I told him. True enough. Space armor
is solid metal on the outside—even those trick expanding joints are metal—and
the plastic helmet is equally strong. I suppose a man could fall hard enough to
kill himself on the Moon, if he really tried, but it would take some doing.
"Come
back or I'll have you court-martialed," said Baird between his teeth.
"Show a heart,
Skipper," begged Hernandez.
Eventually
he talked Baird around. It was only me the captain was irritated with. We
roped ourselves together and made a cautious descent.
The
mist was coming out of a fissure about halfway down the wall. Where the shadows
fell, our lights showed it collecting in hoarfrost on the rocks, then boiling
gently away again. After dark, it would settle as ice till dawn. What was it?
Water. There's a water table of some kind, I guess, and—I don't know. It
suggests there may be indigenous life on the Moon, some low form of plant life
maybe, but we didn't find any while we were there. What we found was—
A broad ledge lay just beneath the fissure.
We scrambled to it and stood looking up.
Now
you'll have to visualize the layout. We were on this ledge, several yards
across, with the ringwall jutting sheer above and a cliff falling below into
blackness. Far away, I could see the steely glimmer of the crater floor. The
ground was all covered with the fine meteoric dust of millions of years; I saw
my footprints sharp and dear and knew they might last forever, or until thermal
agitation and new dustfall blurred them.
Ten
feet overhead was the fissure, like a petrified mouth, and the mist came out of
it and smoked upward. It formed almost a roof, a thin ceiling between us and
the sky. And the Sim was behind the upper wall, invisible to us. The peaks reflected
some of its beams down through the fog.
So
we stood there in a cold, faintly golden-white radiance, a fog-glow—God!
There's never been such light on Earth! It seemed to pervade everything,
drenching us, cold and white, like silence made luminous. It was the light of
Nirvana.
And
I had seen it once before.
I
couldn't remember where. I stood there in that totally alien dream-light, with
the mist swirling and breaking overhead, with the stillness of eternity
humming in my earphones and my soul, and I forgot everything except the chill,
calm, incredible loveliness of it—
But
I had seen it somewhere, sometime, and I couldn't remember—
Hernandez yelled.
Baird
and I jerked from our thoughts and lumbered to him. He stood crouched a few
feet away, staring and staring.
I
looked at the ground and something went hollow in me. There were footprints.
We
didn't even ask if one of us had made them. Those weren't American' spaceboots.
And they had come from below.
They had climbed the wall
and stood here for a while, scuffed and paced around, and presently we located
the trail going back down.
The silence felt like a
fiddle string ready to snap.
Baird
raised his head at last and gazed before him. The light made his face a thing
of unhuman beauty, and somewhere I had seen a face lit that way. I had looked
at it, losing myself, for half an hour or more, but when, in what forgotten
dream?
"Who?" whispered
Baird.
"There's only one country that could
send a spaceship to the Moon secretly," said Hernandez in a dead voice.
"British," I croaked. "French—" "We'd know about it,
if they had."
"Russians.
Are they still here?" I looked down into the night welling up in Plato.
"No
telling," said Baird. "Those tracks could be five hours or five
million years old."
They were the prints of hobnailed boots. They
weren't excessively large, but judging from the length of the stride, even
here on the Moon, they had belonged to a tall man.
"Why
haven't they told the world?" asked Hernandez wildly. "They could
brag it up so—"
"Why do you
think?" rasped Baird.
I
looked south. Earth was in half phase, low above the horizon, remote and
infinitely fair. I thought America was facing us, but couldn't be sure.
There
was only one reason to keep this trip a secret. They had found- something which
would upset the "military balance, doubtless in their favor. At this
moment, there on Earth, the Kremlin was readying the enslavement of all the
human race.
"But how could they have done it secretly?" I protested.
"Maybe
they took off in a black ship when our space station was on the other side of
the planet. Shut up!" Baird stood without moving.
The
Sun went lower, that eldritch light died away, and the blue radiance of Earth
took its place. Our faces grew corpse-colored behind the helmets.
"Come
on," said Baird. He whirled around. "Let's get back to the ship. They
have to know about this in Washington."
"If
the Russians know we know, it may start the war," I said.
"I've got a
code."
"Are
you sure it can't be broken? That it hasn't already been?"
"You trouble-making whelp!" he shouted
in a fury. "Be quiet, I tell you!"
"We'd
better have a closer look," said Hernandez gently. "Follow those
prints and see."
"We
didn't bring any weapons," said Baird. 'Td be surprised if the Russians
were as careless."
I
won't detail the arguments. It was finally settled that I would look further
while Baird and Hernandez returned. I had about an hour to follow that trail,
then must hurry home if I didn't want to freeze solid.
I
looked back once and saw a space-armored shape black across the stars. There
were more stars every minute as the sunlight faded and my pupils expanded. Then
the shadows walled me in.
It
was a rough climb, but a quick one. The stone here was dark and brittle; I
could track the stranger by the lighter spots where he'd flaked off chips as he
scrambled. I wondered why those spots should be lighter when there was no
oxygen around, but decided a photochemical effect was involved.
It
was hard to see my way in the shade. The flashbeam was only a puddle of
undiffused light before me. But soon I came out in the Earth-glow, and when my
eyes had adjusted, it was easy enough. In half an hour, I was on the crater
floor. The Sun was behind the ringwalL Black night lay over me.
Not much time to spare. I stood on dark,
slick lava and wondered whether to follow those dim footprints in the dust. It
might be a long way. Then I shrugged and went bounding off, faster than the
other man had gone.
My
heart thudded, the suit filled with stale air, it was hard to see the trail by
Earthlight. I was more aware of those discomforts than of any danger to my
life.
I was a little past the
limit of safety when I found the
ramp
There wasn't much to see. A long track of
plowed dust and chipped stone, where something with runners had landed and
taken off again . . . but no sign of a rocket blast! A few scars where a pick
had removed samples. Footprints. That was all.
I
stood there with the crater wall a loom of night behind me and the mist rising
thicker, blue-tinged now. I stood thinking about somebody who landed without
needing rockets and never told anyone. I looked around the sky and saw the
ruddy speck of Mars and felt cold. Had the Martians beaten us to our own Moon ?
But
I had to get back. Every minute I lingered whittled down the chance of my
returning at all.
One more look—
There
was a little outcrop of granite not far away. I thought it might be a cairn,
but when I got there, I saw it was natural. I shrugged and turned to go.
Something caught my eye. I looked closer.
The
rock was sleet-colored in the Earthlight. It had one flat surface, facing my
planet. And there was a cross hacked into the stone.
I
forgot time and the gathering cold. I stood there, thinking, wondering if the
cross was merely a coincidental symbol or if there had also, on Mars or on some
planet of another star, been One who—
The million suns wheeled and glittered above
me.
Then
I knew. I remembered where I had seen that light .which lay on the wall at
sundown, and I knew the truth.
I turned and started running.
I almost didn't make it. My batteries gave
out five miles from the ship. I reported over the radio and continued moving
to keep warm, but my feet quickly froze, I stumbled, and each minute the cold
deepened.
Baird
met me halfway, ripped off my pack and connected another unit.
"You
moron!" he snapped. "You blind, bloody, pudding-brained idiot! I'm
going to have you up before a court-martial if—"
"Even if I tell you who that was in
Plato?" I asked. "Huh?"
We were in the ship and my toes thawing
before he got me to explain. It took a lot of talking, but when he grasped the
idea—
Of
course, Intelligence has been working overtime ever since we came home and told
them. They've established now that there was no Russian expedition. But Baird
and Hernandez and I have known it ever since our first night on the Moon.
And
that, Professor, is the reason you've been drafted. We're going overseas
together, officially as tourists. You'll search the archives and I'll tell you
if you've found anything useful. I doubt very much if you will. That secret was
well kept, like the secret of the submarine, which he also thought should not
be given to a warring world. But if somewhere, somehow, we find only a
scribbled note, a hint, I'll be satisfied.
It
couldn't have been done by rockets, you see. Even if the physics had been
known, which it wasn't, the chemistry and metallurgy weren't there. But
something else was stumbled on. Antigravity? Perhaps. Whatever it may be, if we
can find it, the Cold War will be won ...
by free men.
Whether
or not we dig up any notes, our research men are busy. Just knowing that such a
gadget is possible is a tremendous boost, so you can understand why this must
be kept secret.
You
don't get it? Professor, I am shocked and grieved. And you a historian! A
cultured man!
All
right, then. We'll go via London and you'll stop at the National Gallery and
sit down in front of a painting called The Virgin of the Rocks. And you will see a light, cold and pale and
utterly gentle, a light which never shone on Earth, playing over the Mother and
Child. And the artist was Leonardo da Vinci.
Compassion
Circuit
John Wyndham
There
have been many stories in the past, both fictional and science-fictional,
dealing with man's fear of the
machines he has created, but here is one in which his fear seems more than
justified. . . . Did you ever stop to think how horrible it would be if there were a machine that wouldn't permit you to hurt yourself, or to do anything which might hurt you? Give it a
moment's contemplation, and then read this tingler by one of England's best-known modern science
fantasists.
B |
y the time Janet had been five days in the hospital she
had become converted to the idea of a domestic robot. It had taken her two days
to discover that Nurse James was a
robot, one day to get over the surprise, and two more to realize what a
comfort an attendant robot could be.
The conversion
was a relief. Practically every house she visited had a domestic robot. It was
the family's second or third most valuable possession, the women tending to
rate it slightly higher than the car, the men, slightly lower. Janet had been
perfectly well aware for some time that her friends regarded her as a nitwit
or worse for wearing herself out with looking after a house which a robot would
be able to keep spick and span with a few hours' work a day.
She
had also known that it irritated George to come home each evening to a wife who
had tired herself out by unneces-
sary work. But
the prejudice had been firmly
set. It was not the diehard attitude of people who refused to be served by
robot waiters, or driven by robot drivers or who disliked to see dresses
modeled by robot mannequins.
It
was simply an uneasiness about them, about being left alone with one—and a
disinclination to feel such an uneasiness in her own home.
She
herself attributed the feeling largely to the conservatism of her own home
which had used no house-robots. Other people, who had been brought up in homes
run by robots, even the primitive types available a generation before, never
seemed to have such a feeling at all. It irritated her to know that her husband
thought she was afraid
of them in a childish way.
That, she had explained to George a number of times, was not so, and was not
the point, either. What she did dislike
was the idea of one intruding upon her personal, domestic life, which was what
a house-robot was bound to do.
The
robot who was called Nurse James was, then, the first with which she had ever
been in close personal contact and she, or it, came as a revelation.
Janet
told the doctor of her enlightenment, and he looked relieved. She also told George
when he looked in in the afternoon, and he was delighted. The two of them
conferred before he left the hospital.
"Excellent,"
said the doctor. "To tell you the truth I was afraid we were up against a
real neurosis there—and very inconveniently, too. Your wife can never have been
strong, and in the last few years she's worn herself out running the
house."
"I
know," George agreed. "I tried hard to persuade her during the first
two years we were married, but it only led to trouble, so I had to drop it.
This is really a culmination. She was rather shaken when she found out the
reason she'd have to come here was partly because there was no robot at home to
look after her."
"Well,
there's one thing certain. She can't go on as she has been doing. If she tries
to she'll be back hère inside a couple of months," the doctor
told him.
"She
won't now. She's really changed her mind," George assured him. "Part
of the trouble was that she's never come across a really modern one except in a
superficial way. The newest that any of our friends has is ten years old at
least, and most of them are older than that. She'd never contemplated the idea of anything as advanced as
Nurse James. The question now is what pattern ?"
The
doctor thought a moment. "Frankly, Mr. Shand, your wife is going to need a
lot of rest and looking after, I'm afraid. What I'd really recommend for her is
the type they have here. It's something pretty new, this Nurse James model. A
specially developed high-sensibility job with a quite novel contra-balanced
compassion-protection circuit. A very tricky bit of work, that.
"Any
direct order which a normal robot would obey at once is evaluated by the
circuit, weighed against the benefit or harm to the patient, and unless it is
beneficial,' or at least harmless, it is not obeyed. They've proved to be
wonderful foi nursing and looking after children. But there
is a big demand for them, and I'm afraid they're pretty expensive."
"How much?" asked
George.
The
doctor's round-figure price made him frown for a moment. Then he said:
"It'll make a dent. But, after all, it's mostly Janet's economies and
simple-living that's built up the savings. Where do I get one?"
"You
don't. Not just like that," the doctor told him. "I shall have to
throw a bit of weight about for a priority, but in the circumstances I shall
get it, all right. Now, you go and fix up the détails of appearance and so on with your wife. Let me know how she wants it,
and I'll get busy."
"A proper one," said Janet.
"One that'll .look right in a house, I mean. I couldn't do with one of
those levers-and-plastic-box things that stare at you with lenses. As it's got
to look after the house, let's have it looking like a housemaid."
"Or a houseman, if you
like?"
She
shook her head. "No. It's going to have to look after me, too, so I think
I'd rather it was a housemaid. It can have a black silk dress, and a frilly
white apron and cap. And I'd like it blonde—a sort of darkish blonde—and about
five feet ten, and nice to look at, but not too beautiful. I don't want to be jealous of it..."
The
doctor kept Janet ten days more in the hospital while the matter was settled.
There had been luck in coming in for a cancelled order, but inevitably some
delay while it was adapted to Janet's specification. Also it had required the
addition of standard domestic pseudo-memory patterns to suit it for housework.
It was delivered the day after she got back.
Two severely functional robots carried the case up the front path, and inquired
whether they should unpack it. Janet thought not, and told them to leave it in
the outhouse.
When
George got back he wanted to open it at once, but Janet shook her head.
"Supper
first," she decided. "A robot doesn't mind waiting."
Nevertheless
it was a brief meal. When it was over George carried the dishes out to the
kitchen and stacked them in the sink.
"No more
washing-up," he said, with satisfaction.
He
went out to borrow the next-door robot to help him carry the case in. Then he
found his end of it more than he could lift, and had to borrow the robot from
the house opposite, too. Presently the pair of them carried it in and laid it
on the kitchen floor as if it were a featherweight, and went away again.
George
got out the screwdriver and drew the six large screws that held the lid down.
Inside there was a mass of shavings. He shoved them out, on to the floor.
Janet protested.
"What's
the matter? We shan't
have to clean up," he said, happily.
There
was an inner case of woodpulp, with a snowy layer of wadding under its lid.
George rolled it up and pushed it out of the way, and there, ready dressed in
black frock and white apron, lay the robot
They regarded it for some
seconds without speaking.
It
was remarkably lifelike. For some reason it made Janet feel a little queer to
realize that it was her
robot—a trifle nervous,
and, obscurely, a trifle guilty . . .
"Sleeping
beauty," remarked George, reaching for the instruction-book on its chest.
In
point of fact the robot was not a beauty. Janet's preference had been
observed. It was pleasant and nice-looking without being striking, but the
details were good. The deep gold hair was quite enviable—although one knew that
it was probably threads of plastic with waves that would never come out. The
skin—another kind of plastic covering the carefully built-up contours—was
distinguishable from real skin only by its perfection.
Janet knelt down beside the box, and ventured
with a forefinger to touch the flawless complexion. It was quite, quite cold.
She
sat back on her heels, looking at it. Just a big doll, she told herself—a
contraption. A very wonderful contraption of metal, plastics, and electronic
circuits, but still a contraption, and made to look as it did only because
people would find it harsh or grotesque if it should look any other way.
And
yet, to have it looking as it did was a bit disturbing, too. For one thing, you
couldn't go on thinking of it as "it" any more. Whether you liked it
or not, your mind thought of it as "her." As "her" it would
have to have a name; and, with a name, it would become still more of a person.
"
'A battery-driven model,' " George read out, " "will normally
require to be fitted with a new battery every four days. Other models, however,
are designed to conduct their own regeneration from the mains as and when
necessary.' Let's have her out."
He
put his hands under the robot's shoulders, and tried to lift it.
"Phew!"
he said. "Must be about three times my weight." He had another try. "Hell,"
he said, and referred to the book again.
His brow furrowed.
"The
control switches are situated at the back, slightly above the waistline. All
right, maybe we can roll her over."
With
an effort he succeeded in getting the figure on to its side and began to undo
the buttons at the back of her dress. Janet suddenly felt that to be an
indelicacy.
"I'll
do it," she said. Her husband glanced at her. "All right. It's
yours," he told her.
"She can't be just
'it.' I'm going to call her Hester."
"All right,
again," he agreed.
Janet
undid the buttons and fumbled about inside the dress. "I can't find a
knob, or anything," she said.
"Apparently there's a
small panel that opens," he told her.
"Oh, no!" she
said, in a slightly shocked tone.
He
regarded her again. "Darling, she's just a robot—a mechanism."
"I know," said Janet, shortly. She
felt about again, discovered the panel, and opened it.
"You
give the upper knob a half-turn to the right and then dose the panel to
complete the tircuit," instructed George, from the book.
Janet did so, and then sat swiftly back on
her heels again, watching.
The
robot stirred and turned. It sat up, then it got to its feet. It stood before
them, looking the very pattern of a stage
parlormaid.
"Good
day, madam," it said. "Good day, sir. I shall be happy to serve you ..."
'Thank
you, Hester," Janet said, as she leaned back against the cushion placed
behind her. Not that it was necessary to thank a robot, but she had a theory
that if you did not practice politeness with robots you soon forgot it with
other peo-pie.
And,
anyway, Hester was no ordinary robot. She was not even dressed as a parlormaid
any more. In four months she had become a friend, a tireless, attentive friend.
From the first Janet had found it difficult to believe that she was only a
mechanism, and as the days passed she had become more and more of a person.
The
fact that she consumed electricity instead of food came to seem little more
than a foible. The time she couldn't stop walking in a circle, and the other
time when something went wrong with her vision so that she did everything a
foot to the right of where she ought to have been doing it. These things,
certainly, were just indispositions such as anyone might have, and the
robot-mechanic who came to adjust her paid his call much like any other doctor.
Hester was not only a person; she was preferable company to many.
"I
suppose," saia Janet, settling back in the chair, "that you must
think me a poor, weak thing?"
A thing one must not expect
from Hester was euphemism.
"Yes,"
she said, directly. But then she added: "I think all humans are poor, weak
things. It is the way they are made. One must be sorry for them."
Janet
had long ago given up thinking things like: "That'll be the
compassion-circuit speaking," or trying to imagine the computing, selecting,
associating, and shunting that must be going on to produce such a remark. She
took it as she might from—well, say, a foreigner.
She
said: "Compared with robots we must seem so, I suppose. You are so strong
and untiring, Hester. If you knew how I envy you that!"
Hester
said, matter of factly: "We were designed. You were just accidental. It is
your misfortune, not your fault."
"You'd rather be you
than me?" asked Janet.
"Certainly,"
Hester told her. "We are stronger. We don't have to have frequent sleep to
recuperate. We don't have to carry an unreliable chemical factory inside us. We
don't have to grow old and deteriorate. Human beings are so clumsy and fragile
and so often unwell because something is not working properly.
"If
anything goes wrong with us, or is broken, it doesn't hurt and is easily
replaced. And you have all kinds of words like pain, and suffering, and
unhappiness, and weariness, that we have to be taught to understand, and they doa't seem to us to be useful things to have. I feel very sorry that you must
have these things and be so uncertain and so fragile. It disturbs my
compassion-circuit."
"Uncertain
and fragile," Janet repeated. "Yes, that's how I feel."
"Humans
have to live so precariously," Hester went on. "If my arm or leg
should be crushed I can have a new one in a iew minutes. But a human would have
agony for a long time, and not even a new limh at the end of it—just a
faulty one, if he were lucky. That isn't as bad as it used to be because in
designing us you learned how to make good arms and legs, much stronger and
better than the old ones. People would be much more sensible to have a weak arm
or leg replaced at once, but they don't seem to want to if they can possibly
keep the old ones."
"You
mean they can be grafted on? I didn-'t know that," Janet said. "I
wish it were only arms or legs that's wrong with me. I don't think I should
hesitate . . ."
She
sighed. "The doctor wasn't encouraging this morning, Hester. I've been
losing ground and must rest more. I don't believe he expects me to get any
stronger. He was just trying to cheer me up before . . . He had a funny sort of
look after he'd examined me. But all he said was I should rest more. What's the
good of being alive if it's only rest—rest— rest?
"And
there's poor George. What sort of a life is it for him, and he's been so
patient with me, so sweet. I'd rather anything than go on feebly like this.
I'd sooner die . . ."
Janet
went on talking, more to herself than to the patient Hester standing by. She
talked herself into tears. Then presently, she looked up.
"Oh,
Hester, if you were human I couldn't bear it. I think I'd hate you for being so
strong and so well. But I don't, Hester. You're so kind and so patient
when I'm silly, like this. I believe you'd cry with me to keep me company if
you could."
"I
would if I could," the robot agreed. "My compassion-circuit—"
"Oh,
no!" Janet protested. "It can't be just that.
You've a heart somewhere, Hester. You must have."
"I expect it is more
reliable than a heart," said Hester.
She
stepped a little closer, stooped down, and lifted Janet up as if she weighed
nothing at all.
"You've
tired yourself out, Janet, dear," she told her. "I'll take you
upstairs. You'll be able to sleep a little before he gets back."
Janet
could feel the robot's arms cold through her dress, but the coldness did not
trouble her any more. She was aware only that they were strong, protecting arms
around her.
She
said: "Oh, Hester, you are such a comfort. You know what I ought to do." She paused, then she added miserably: "I
know what he thinks—the doctor, I mean. I could see it. He just thinks I'm
going to go on getting weaker and weaker until one day I'll fade away and die.
I said I'd sooner die, but I wouldn't, Hester. I don't want to die . . ."
The robot rocked her a
little, as if she were a child.
"There,
there, dear. It's not as bad as that—nothing like," she told her.
"You mustn't think about dying. And you mustn't cry any more. It's not
good for you, you know. Besides, you won't want him to see you've been
crying."
"I'll
try not to," agreed Janet obediently, as Hester carried her out of the
room and up the stairs . . .
The hospital
reception-robot looked up from the desk.
"My wife," George
said. "I rang you up about an hour ago."
The
robot's face took on an impeccable expression of professional sympathy.
"Yes,
Mr. Shand. I'm afraid it has been a shock for you, but as I told you, your
house-robot did quite the right thing to send her here at once."
"I've
tried to get on to her own doctor, but he's away," George told her.
"You
don't need to worry about that, Mr. Shand. She has been examined, and we have
had all her records sent over from the hospital she was in before. The
operation has been provisionally fixed for tomorrow, but of course we shall
need your consent."
George hesitated. "May
I see the doctor in charge of her?"
"He isn't in the
hospital at the moment, I'm afraid."
"It is—absolutely
necessary?" George asked, after a pause.
The
robot looked at him steadily, and nodded, said, "She must have been
growing steadily weaker for some months now."
George nodded.
"The
only alternative is that she will grow weaker still, and have more pain before
the end," she told him.
George
stared at the wall blankly for some seconds. "I see," he said
bleakly.
He
picked up a pen in a shaky hand and signed the form that she put before him. He
gazed at it awhile without seeing it.
"Will—will she have a
good chance?" he asked.
"Yes,"
the robot told him. "There is never complete absence of risk, of course.
But there's a very good chance of complete success."
George sighed, and nodded.
"I'd like to see her," he said.
The
robot pressed a bell-push. "You may see her/'
she said. "But I must ask you not to disturb her. She's asleep now, and
it's better for her not to be awakened."
George
had to be satisfied with that, but he left the hospital feeling a little
better for the sight of the quiet smile on Janet's hps as she slept.
The
hospital called him at the office the following afternoon. They were
reassuring. The operation appeared to have been a complete success. Everyone
was quite confident of the outcome. There was no need to worry. The doctors
were perfectly satisfied. No, it would not be wise to allow any visitors for a
few days yet But there was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.
George
rang up each day just before he left, in the hope that he would be allowed a
visit. The hospital was kindly and heartening, but adamant about visits. And
then, on the fifth day, they suddenly told him she had already left on her way
home. George was staggered. He had been prepared to find it a matter of weeks.
He dashed out, bought a bunch of roses, and left half a dozen traffic
regulations in fragments behind him.
"Where
is she?" he demanded of Hester as she opened the door.
"She's
in bed. I thought it-might be better if—" Hester began, but he lost the
rest of the sentence as he bounded up the stairs.
Janet
was lying in the bed. Only her head was visible, cut off by the line of the
sheet, and a bandage around her neck. George put the flowers down on the
bedside table. He stooped over Janet and kissed her gently. She looked up at h«m from
anxious eyes.
"Oh, George, dear. Has
she told you?"
"Has
who told me what?" he asked, sitting down on the side of the bed.
"Hester.
She said she would. Oh, George, I didn't mean it. At least, I don't think I
meant it. She sent me, George. I was so weak and wretched. I wanted to be
strong. I don't think I really understood. Hester said—"
"Take
it easy, darling. Take it easy," George suggested with a smile. "What
on earth's all this about?"
He felt under the bedclothes
and found her hand.
"But, George—"
she began.
He
interrupted her. "I say, darling, your hand's dreadfully cold. It's almost
like—" His fingers slid further up her arm. His eyes widened at her,
incredulously. He jumped up suddenly from the bed and flung back the covers.
He put his hand on the thin nightdress, over her heart—and then snatched it
away as if he had been stung.
He staggered back.
"God! NO.'" he said, staring at her.
"But
George. George, darling—" said Janet's head on the pillows.
"NO! NO!" cried George, almost in a shriek.
He turned and ran blindly
from the room.
In
the darkness on the landing he missed the top step of the stairs, and went
headlong down the whole flight.
Hester
found him lying in a huddle in the hall. She bent down and gently explored the
damage. The extent of it, and the fragility of the frame that had suffered it
disturbed her compassion-circuit very greatly. She did not try to move him, but
went to the telephone and dialed.
"Emergency?"
she asked, and gave the name and address. "Yes, at once," she told
them. "There may not be a lot of time. Several compound fractures, and I
think his back is broken, poor man . . . No. There appears to be no damage to
his head . . . Yes, much better. He'd be crippled for life, even if he did get
over it . . . Yes, better send the form of consent with the ambulance so that
it can be signed at once . . . Oh, yes, that'll be quite all right. His wife
will sign it."
\
Volpla
h
Wyman
Guin
There were three of them. Dozens of limp little
mutants that would have sent an academic zoologist into hysterics lay there
in the metabolic accelerator. But there were three of them. My heart took a great bound. I heard my daughter's
running feet in the animal rooms and her rollerskates banging at her side. I
closed the accelerator and walked across to the laboratory door. She twisted
the knob violently, trying to hit a combination that would work. I unlocked the door, held
it against her pushing and slipped out so that, for all her peering, she
could see nothing. I looked down on her tolerantly. "Can't adjust your
skates?" I asked "again. "Daddy, I've tried and tried and I
just can't turn this old key tight enough." * No, this is not
a tale about
mutated rutabagas or any other sort of mad vegetable. |
Biological invention is a
rarity in fiction as well as in real life; bow many Burbanks* have there been?
Anyhow, the application of modern
science to selective breeding could produce some rather remarkable results,
though the example in this story is hardly likely to happen soon; we simply do not know enough about genetics yet.
I continued to look down on her. "Well,
Dad-dee, I can't I" "Tightly enough." "What?"
"You
can't turn this old key tightly enough."
"That's
what I say-yud."
"All
right, wench. Sit on this chair."
I
got down and shoved one saddle shoe into a skate. It fitted perfectly. I
strapped her ankle and pretended to use the key to tighten the clamp.
Volplas
at last. Three of them. Yet I had always been so sure I could create them that
I had been calling them volplas for ten years. No, twelve. I glanced across the
animal room to where old Nijinsky thrust his graying head from a cage. I had
called them volplas since the day old Nijinsky's elongated arms and his
cousin's lateral skin folds had given me the idea of a flying mutant.
When
Nijinsky saw me looking at him, he started a Little tarantella about his cage.
I smiled with nostalgia when the fifth fingers of his hands, four times as long
as the others, uncurled as he spun about the cage.
I
turned to the fitting of my daughter's other skate.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?*'
"Mother
says you are eccentric. Is that true?"
"I'll
speak to her about it"
"Don't
you know?"
"Do
you understand the word?"
"No."
I
lifted her out of the chair and stood her on her skates. 'Tell your mother that
I retaliate. I say she
is beautiful."
She
skated awkwardly between the rows of cages from which mutants with brown fur
and blue fur, too much and too little fur, enormously long and ridiculously
short arms, stared at her with simian, canine or rodent faces. At the door to
the outside, she turned perilously and waved.
Again
in the laboratory, I entered the metabolic accelerator and withdrew the
intravenous needles from my first volplas. I carried their limp little forms
out to a mattress in the lab, two girls and a boy. The accelerator had forced
them almost to adulthood in less than a month. It would be several hours before
they would begin to move, to learn to feed and play, perhaps to learn to fly.
Meanwhile, it was dear that here was no war
of dominant mutations. Modulating alleles had smoothed the freakish into a
beautiful pattern. These were no monsters blasted by the dosage of radiation
into crippled structures. They were lovdy, perfect little creatures.
' My
wife tried the door, too, but more subtly, as if casually touching the knob
while calling. "Lunch, dear." "Be right there."
She
peeked too, as she had for fifteen years, but I blocked her view when I slipped
out.
"Come on, you old
hermit. I have a buffet on the terrace."
"Our
daughter says I'm eccentric Wonder how the devil she found out."
"From me, of
course."
"But you love me just
the same."
"I
adore you." She stretched on tiptoe and put her arms over my shoulders and
kissed me.
My
wife did indeed have a delidous-looking buffet ready on the terrace. The maid
was just setting down a warmer filled with hot hamburgers. I gave the maid a
pinch and said, "Hello, baby."
My
wife looked at me with a puzzled smile. "What on Earth's got into
you?"
The maid beat it into the
house.
I
nipped a hamburger and a slice of onion onto a plate and picked up the ketchup
and said, "I've reached the dangerous age."
, "Oh, good heavens!"
I
dowsed ketchup over the hamburger, threw the onion on and closed it. I opened a
bottle of beer and guzzled from it, blew out my breath and looked across the
rolling hills and oak woods of our ranch to where the Pacific shimmered. I
thought, "All this and three volplas, too."
I
wiped the back of my hand across my mouth and said aloud, "Yes, sir, the
dangerous age. And, lady, I'm going to have fun."
My wife sighed patiently.
I
walked over and put the arm that held the beer bottle around her shoulder and
chucked her chin up with my other hand. The golden sun danced in her blue eyes.
I watched that light in her beautiful eyes and said, "But you're the only
one I'm dangerous about."
I kissed her until I heard rollerskates coming
across the terrace from one direction and a horse galloping toward the terrace
from the other direction.
"You have lovely
lips," I whispered.
"Thanks.
Yours deserve the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, too."
Our
son reared the new palomino I had just bought him for his fourteenth birthday
and yelled down, "Unhand that maiden, Burrhead, or I'll give you lead
poisoning."
I
laughed and picked up my plate and sat down in a chair. My wife brought me a
bowl of salad and I munched the hamburger and watched the boy unsaddle the
horse and slap it away to the pasture.
I
thought, "By God, wouldn't he have a fit if he knew what I have back there
in that lab! Wouldn't they all!"
The
boy carried the saddle up onto the terrace and dropped it "Mom, I'd like a
swim before I eat." He started undressing.
"You
look as though a little water might help,"
she agreed, sitting down next to me with her plate.
The girl was yanking off
her skates. "And I want one."
"All right. But go in
the house and put on your swim suit."
"Oh, Mother. Why?"
"Because, dear, I said
so."
The
boy had already raced across the terrace and jack-knifed into the pool. The
cool sound of the dive sent the girl scurrying for her suit
I looked at my wife.
"What's the idea?"
"She's going to be a
young woman soon."
"Is
that any reason for wearing clothes ? Look at him. He's a young man sooner than already."
"Well,
if you feel that way about it, they'll both have to start wearing
clothes."
I
gulped the last of my hamburger and washed it down with the beer. "This
place is going to hell," I complained. "The old man isn't allowed to
pinch the maid and the kids can't go naked." I leaned toward her and
smacked her cheek. "But the food and the old woman are still the
best."
"Say,
what goes with you? You've been grinning like a happy ape ever since you came
out of the lab."
"I told you—"
"Oh, not that again! You were dangerous
at any age." I stood up and put my plate aside and bent over her.
"Just the same, I'm going to have a new kind of fun."
She
reached up and grabbed my ear. She narrowed her eyes and put a mock grimness on
her lips.
"It's
a joke," I assured her. "I'm going to play a tremendous joke on the
whole world. I've only had the feeling once before in a small way, but I've
always . . ."
She
twisted my ear and narrowed her eyes even more. "Like?"
"Well,
when my old man was pumping his first fortune out of some oil wells in
Oklahoma, we lived down there. Outside this little town, I found a litter of
flat stones that had young blacksnakes under each slab. I filled a pail with
them and took them into town and dumped them on the walk in front of the movie
just as Theda Bara's matinee let out. The best part was that no one had seen me
do it. They just couldn't understand how so many snakes got there. I learned
how great it can be to stand around quietly and watch people encounter the
surprise that you have prepared for them."
She
let go of my ear. "Is that the kind of fun you're going to have?"
"Yep."
She shook her head.
"Did I say you are eccentric?"
I
grinned. "Forgive me if I eat and run, dear. Something in the Lab can't
wait."
The
fact was that I had something more in the lab than I had bargained for. I had
aimed only at a gliding mammal a
little more efficient than the Dusky Glider of Australia, a marsupial. Even in
the basically mutating colony, there had been a decidedly simian appearance in
recent years, a long shift from the garbage-dump rats I had started with. But
my first volplas were shockingly humanoid.
They
were also much faster than had been their predecessors in organizing their
nervous activity after the slumbrous explosion of growth in the metabolic
accelerator. When I returned to the lab, they were already moving about on the
mattress and the male was trying to stand.
He
was a little the larger and stood twenty-eight inches high. Except for the
face, chest and belly, they were covered with a soft, almost golden down. Where
it was bare of this golden fur, the skin was pink. On their heads and across
the shoulders of the male stood a shock of fur as soft as chinchilla. The
faces were appealingly humanoid, except that the eyes were large and nocturnal.
The cranium was in the same proportion to the body as it is in the human.
When the male-spread his arms, the span was
forty-eight inches. I held his arms out and tried to tease the spars open.
They- were not new. The spars had been common to the basic colony for years and
were the result of serial mutations effecting those greatly elongated fifth
fingers that had first appeared in Nijinsky. No longer jointed like a finger,
the
r |
turned
backward sharply and ran alongside the wrist >st to the elbow. Powerful
wrist muscles could snap it outward and forward. Suddenly, as I teased the male
volpla, this happened.
The
spars added nine inches on each side to his span. As they swept out and
forward, the lateral skin that had, till now, hung in resting folds was
tightened in a golden plane that stretched from the tip of the spar to his
waist and continued four inches wide down his legs to where it anchored at the
little toe.
This
was by far the most impressive plane that had appeared till now. It was a true
gliding plane, perhaps even a soaring one. I felt a thrill run along my back.
By
four o'clock that afternoon, I was feeding them solid food and, with the spars
dosed, they were holding little cups and drinking water from them in a most
humanlike way. They were active, curious, playful and decidedly amorous.
Their
humanoid qualities were increasingly apparent. There was a lumbar curvature and
buttocks. The shoulder girdle and pectoral musdes were heavy and out of
proportion, of course, yet the females had only one pair of breasts. The chin
and jaw were humanlike instead of simian and the dental equipment was
appropriate to this structure. What this portended was brought home to me with
a shock.
I
was kneeling on the mattress, cuffing and roughing the male as one might a
puppy dog, when one of the females playfully dimbed up my back. I reached
around and brought her over my shoulder and sat her down. I stroked the soft
fur on her head and said, "He^o, pretty one. Hello."
The male watched me,
grinning.
He said, " 'Ello,
'ello."
As I
walked into the kitchen, giddy with this enormous joke, my wife said, "Guy
and Em are flying up for dinner. That rocket of Guy's they launched in the
desert yesterday was a success. It pulled Guy up to Cloud Nine and he wants to
celebrate."
I danced a little jig the way old Nijinsky
might do it. "Oh, great! Oh, wonderful! Good old Guy! Everybody's a
success. It's great. It's wonderful. Success on success!"
I
danced into the kitchen table and tipped over a basket of green corn. The maid
promptly left the kitchen for some other place.
My
wife just stared at me. "Have you been drinking the lab alcohol ?"
"I've
been drinking the nectar of the gods. My Hera, you're properly married to Zeus.
I've my own little Greeks descended from Icarus."
She pretended a hopeless sag of her pretty
shoulders. "Wouldn't you just settle for a worldly martini ?" "I
will, yes. But first a divine kiss."
I
sipped at my martini and lounged in a terrace chair watching the golden evening
slant across the beautiful hills of our ranch. I dreamed. I would invent a
euphonious set of words to match the Basic English vocabulary and teach it to
them as their language. They would have their own crafts and live in small tree
houses.
I
would teach them legends: that they had come from the stars, that they had
subsequently watched the first red men and then the first white men enter these
hills.
When
they were able to take care of themselves, I would turn them loose. There would be volpla colonies all up and down
the Coast before anyone suspected. One day, somebody would see a volpla. The
newspapers would laugh.
Then
someone authoritative would find a colony and observe them. He would conclude,
"I am convinced that they have a language and speak it
intelligently."
The
government would issue denials. Reporters would "expose the truth"
and ask, "Where have these aliens come from?" The government would
reluctantly admit the facts. Linguists would observe at close quarters and
learn the simple volpla language. Then would come the legends.
Volpla
wisdom would become a cult—and of all forms of comedy, cults, I think, are the
funniest.
"Darling, are you listening to me?"
my wife asked with impatient patience.
"What? Sure.
Certainly."
"You
didn't hear a word; You just sit there and grin into space." She got up
and poured me another martini. "Here, maybe this will sober you up."
I pointed. "That's
probably Guy and Em."
A
'copter sidled over the ridge, then came just above the oak woods toward us.
Guy set it gently on the landing square and we walked down to meet them.
I
helped Em out and hugged her. Guy jumped out, asking, "Do you have your TV
set on?"
"No," I answered.
"Should I?"
"It's
almost time for the broadcast. I was afraid we would miss it."
"What
broadcast?" "From the rocket." "Rocket?"
"For
heaven's sake, darling," my wife complained, "I told you about Guy's
rocket. The papers are full of it."
As
we stepped up on the terrace, she turned to Guy and Em. "He's out of
contact today. Thinks he's Zeus." • I asked our son to wheel a TV set out
onto the terrace while I made martinis for our friends. Then we sat down and
drank the cocktails and the kids had fruit juice and we watched the broadcast
Guy had tuned in.
Some
joker from Cal Tech was explaining diagrams of a multistage rocket
After
a bit, I got up and said, "I have something out in the lab I want to check
on."
"Hey,
wait a minute," Guy objected. "They're about to show the shots of the
launching."
My
wife gave me a look; you know the kind. I sat down. Then I got up and poured
myself another martini
and freshened Em's up,
too. I sat down again.
The
scene had changed to a desert launching site. There was old Guy himself explaining
that when he pressed the button before him, the hatch on the third stage of
the great rocket in the background would dose and, five minutes later, the ship
would fire itself.
Guy,
on the screen, pushed the button, and I heard Guy, beside me, give a sort of
little sigh. We watched the hatch slowly dose.
"You
look real good," I said. "A regular Space Ranger. What are you
shooting at?"
"Darling, will you
please—be—quiet?"
"Yeah,
Dad. Can it, will you? You're always gagging around."
On the screen, Guy's big dead-earnest face
was explaining more about the project and suddenly I realized that this was an
instrument-bearing rocket they hoped to land on the Moon. It would broadcast
from there. Well, now—say, that would be
something! I began to feel a little ashamed of the way I had been acting and I
reached out and slapped old Guy on the shoulder. For just a moment, I thought
or telling him about my volplas. But only for a moment.
A
ball of flame appeared at the base of the rocket. Miraculously, the massive
tower lifted, seemed for a moment merely to stand there on a flaming pillar,
then was gone.
The
screen returned to a studio, where an announcer explained that the film just
shown had been taken day before yesterday. Since then, the rocket's third stage
was known to have landed successfully at the south shore of Mare Serenitatis.
He indicated the location on a large lunar map behind him.
"From
this position, the telemeter known as Rocket Charlie will be broadcasting
scientific data for several months. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we will
clear the air for Rocket Charlie's only general broadcast. Stand by for Rocket
Charlie."
A
chronometer appeared on the screen and, for several seconds, there was silence.
I heard my boy whisper,
"Uncle Guy, this is the biggest!"
My wife said, "Em, I
think I'll just faint."
Suddenly
there was a lunar landscape on the screen, looking just as it's always been
pictured. A mechanical voice cut in.
"This
is Rocket Charlie saying, "Hello, Earth,' from my position in Mare
Serenitatis. First I will pan the Menelaus Mountains for fifteen seconds. Then
I will focus my camera on Earth for five seconds."
The
camera began to move and the mountains marched by, stark and awesomely wild.
Toward the end of the movement, the shadow of the upright third stage appeared
in the foreground.
Abruptly
the camera made a giddy swing, focused a moment, and we were looking at Earth.
At that time, there was no Moon over California. It was Africa and Europe we
were looking at.
"This is Rocket Charlie saying,
'Good-by, Earth.'" Well, when that screen went dead, there was pandemonium
around our terrace. Big old Guy was so happy, he was wiping tears from his
eyes. The women were kissing him and hugging him. Everybody was yelling at
once.
I used the metabolic accelerator to cut the
volplas' gestation down to one week. Then I used it to bring the infants to
maturity in one month. I had luck right off. Quite by accident, the majority
of the early infants were females, which sped things up considerably.
By
the next spring, I had a colony of over a hundred volplas and I shut down the
accelerator. From now on, they could have babies in their own way.
I
had devised the language for them, using Basic English as my model, and during
the months while every female was busy in the metabolic accelerator, I taught
the language to the males. They spoke it softly in high voices and the eight
hundred words didn't seem to tax their little skulls a bit.
My
wife and the kids went down to Santa Barbara for a week and I took the oportunity
to slip the oldest of the males and his two females out of the lab.
I
put them in the jeep beside me and drove to a secluded little valley about a
mile back in the ranch.
They
were all three wide-eyed at the world and jabbered continuously. They kept me
busy relating their words for "tree," "rock,"
"sky" to the objects. They had a little trouble with "sky."
Until
I had them out in the open country, it had been impossible to appreciate fully
what lovely little creatures they were. They blended perfectly with the
California landscape. Occasionally, when they raised their arms, the spars
would open and spread those glorious planes.
Almost
two hours went by before the male made it into the air. His playful curiosity
about the world had been abandoned momentarily and he was chasing one of the
girls. As usual, she was anxious to be caught and stopped abruptly at the
bottom of a little knoll.
He
probably meant to dive for her. But when he spread his arms, the spars snapped
out and those golden planes sheared into the air. He sailed over her in a
stunning sweep. Then he rose up and up until he hung in the breeze for a long
moment, thirty feet above the ground.
He
turned a plaintive face back to me, dipped worriedly and skimmed straight for a
thorn bush. He banked instinctively, whirled toward us in a golden flash and crashed with a bounce to the grass.
The
two girls reached him before I did and stroked and fussed over him
so that I could not get near. Suddenly he laughed with a shrill little whoop.
After that, it was a carnival.
They
learned quickly and brilliantly. They were not fliers; they were gliders and
soarers. Before long, they took agilely to the trees and launched themselves in
beautiful glides for hundreds of feet, banking, turning and spiraling to a
gentle halt.
I
laughed out loud with anticipation. Wait till the first pair of these was
brought before a sheriff! Wait till reporters from the Chronicle motored out into the hills to witness this!
Of
course, the volplas didn't want to return to the lab. There was a tiny stream
through there and at one point it formed a sizable pool. They got into this and
splashed their long arms about and they scrubbed each other. Then they got out
and lay on their backs with the planes stretched to dry.
I
watched them affectionately and wondered about the advisability of leaving
them out here. Well, it had to be done sometime. Nothing I could tell them about
surviving would help them as much as a little actual surviving. I called the
male over to me.
He
came and squatted, conference fashion, the elbows resting on the ground, the
wrists crossed at his chest. He spoke first.
"Before the red men
came, did we live here?"
"You
lived in places like this all along these mountains. Now there are very few of
you left. Since you have been staying at my place, you naturally have forgotten
the ways of living outdoors."
"We
can learn again. We want to stay here." His little face was so solemn and
thoughtful that I reached out and stroked the fur on his head reassuringly.
We
both heard the whir of wings overhead. Two mourning doves flew across the
stream and landed in an oak on the opposite hillside.
I pointed. "There's
your food, if you can kill it."
He looked at me.
"How?"
"I don't think you can get at them in
the tree. You'll have to soar up above and catch one of them on the wing when
they fly away. Think you can get up that high ?"
He
looked around slowly at the breeze playing in the branches and dancing along
the hillside grass. It was as if he had been flying a thousand' years and was
bringing antique wisdom to bear. "I can get up there. I can stay for a
while. How long will they be in the tree?"
"Chances
are they won't stay long. Keep your eye on the tree in case they leave while
you are climbing."
He
ran to a nearby oak and clambered aloft. Presently he launched himself,
streaked down-valley a way and caught a warm updraft on a hillside. In no time,
he was up about two hundred feet. He began criss-crossing the ridge, working
his way back to us.
The
two girls were watching him intently. They came over to me wonderingly,
stopping now and then to watch him. When they were standing beside me, they said
nothing. They shaded their eyes with tiny hands and watched him as he passed
directly above us at about two hundred and fifty feet. One of the girls, with
her eyes fast on his soaring planes, reached out and grasped my sleeve tightly.
He
flashed high above the stream and hung behind the crest of the hill where the
doves rested. I heard their mourning from the oak tree. It occurred to me they
would not leave that safety while the hawklike silhouette of the volpla marred
the sky so near.
I
took the girl's hand from my sleeve and spoke to her, pointing as I did so.
"He is going to catch a bird. The bird is in that tree. You can make the
bird fly so that he can catch it. Look here." I got up and found a stick.
"Can you do this?"
I
threw the stick up into a tree near us. .Then I found her a stick. She threw it
better than I had expected.
"Good,
pretty one. Now run across the stream and up to that tree and throw a stick
into it."
She
climbed skillfully into the tree beside us and launched herself across the stream.
She swooped up the opposite hillside and landed neatly in the tree where the
doves rested.
The
birds came out of the tree, climbing hard with their graceful strokes.
I
looked back, as did the girl remaining beside me. The soaring volpla half
closed his planes and started dropping. He became a golden flash across the
sky.
The
doves abruptly gave up their hard climbing and fell away with swiftly beating
wings. I saw one of the male volpla's planes open a little. He veered giddily
in the new direction and again dropped like a molten arrow.
The doves separated and began to zigzag down
the valley. The volpla did something I would not have anticipated —he opened
his planes and shot lower than the bird he was after, then swept up and
intercepted the bird's crossward flight.
I
saw the planes close momentarily. Then they opened again and the bird plummeted
to a hillside. The volpla landed gently atop the hill and stood looking back at
us.
The
volpla beside me danced up and down shrieking in a language all her own. The
girl who had raised the birds from the tree volplaned back to us, yammering
like a bluejay.
It
was a hero's welcome. He had to walk back, of course— he had no way to carry
such a load in flight. The girls glided out to meet him. Their lavish affection
held him up for a time, but eventually he strutted in like every human hunter.
They
were raptly curious about the bird. They poked at it, marveled at its feathers
and danced about it in an embryonic rite of the hunt. But presently the male
turned to me.
"Wefttfthis?"
I
laughed and took his tiny, four-fingered hand. In a sandy spot beneath a great
tree that overhung the creek, I built a small fire for them. This was another
marvel, but first I wanted to teach them how to dean the bird. I showed them
how to spit it and turn it over their fire.
Later,
I shared a small piece of the meat in their feast. They were gleeful and
greasily amorous during the meal.
When
I had to leave, it was dark. I warned them to stand watches, keep the fire
burning low and take to the tree above if anything approached. The male walked
a little away with me when I left the fire.
I
said again, "Promise me you won't leave here until we've made you ready
for it."
"We
like it here. We will stay. Tomorrow you bring more of us?"
"Yes.
I will bring many more of you, if you promise to keep them all here in this
woods until they're ready to leave."
"I
promise." He looked up at the night sky and, in the firelight, I saw his
wonder. "You say we came from there?"
"The
old ones of your kind told me so. Didn't they tell you?"
"I can't remember any old ones. You tell
me." "The old ones told me you came long before the red men in a ship
from the stars." Standing there in the dark, I had to grin, visioning the
Sunday supplements that would be written in about a year, maybe even less.
He
looked into the sky for a long time. "Those little lights are the stars
?"
"That's right."
"Which star?"
I
glanced about and presently pointed over a tree. "From Venus." Then I realized I had blundered by passing him an English name. "In your
language, Pohtah."
He
looked at the planet a long time and murmured, "Venus. Pohtah."
That next week, I transported all of the volplas
out to the oak woods. There were a hundred and seven men, women and children.
With no design on my part, they tended to segregate into groups consisting of
four to eight couples together with the current children of the women. Within
these groups, the adults were promiscuous, but apparently not outside the
group. The group thus had the appearance of a super-family and the males
indulged and cared for all the children without reference to actual parenthood.
By
the end of the week, these super-families were scattered over about four square
miles of the ranch. They had found a new delicacy, sparrows, and hunted them
easily as they roosted at night. I had taught the volplas to use the fire drill
and they were already utilizing the local grasses, vines and brush to build
marvelously contrived tree houses in which the young, and sometimes the adults,
slept through midday and midnight.
The afternoon my family returned home, I had
a crew of workmen out tearing down the animal rooms and lab building. The caretakers
had anesthetized all the experimental mutants, and the metabolic accelerator
and other lab equipment was being dismantled. I wanted nothing around that
might connect the sudden appearance of the volplas with my property. It was
already apparent that it would take the volplas only a few more weeks to leam
their means of survival and develop an embryonic culture of their own. Then
they could leave my ranch and the fun would be on.
My
wife got out of the car and looked around at the workmen hurrying about the
disemboweled buildings and she said, "What on Earth is going on
here?"
"I've finished my work and we no longer
need the buildings. I'm going to write a paper about my results."
My
wife looked at me appraisingly and shook her head. "I thought you meant
it. But you really ought to. It would be your first."
My son asked, "What happened to the
animals?" 'Turned them over to the university for further study," I
lied.
"Well,"
he said to her, "you can't say our pop isn't a man of decision."
Twenty-four
hours later, there wasn't a sign of animal experimentation on the ranch.
Except,
of course, that the woods were full of volplas. At night, I could hear them
faintly when I sat out on the terrace. As they passed through the dark
overhead, they chattered and laughed and sometimes moaned in winged love. One
night a flight of them soared slowly across the face of the full Moon, but I
was the only one who noticed.
I made daily trips out to the original camp
to meet the oldest of the males, who had apparently established himself as a
chief of all the volpla families. He assured me that the volplas were staying
dose to the ranch, but complained that the game was getting scarce. Otherwise
things were progressing nicely.
The
males now carried little stone-tipped spears with feathered shafts that they
could throw in flight. They used them at night to bring down roosting sparrows
and in the day to kill their biggest game, the local rabbits.
The
women wore bluejay feathers on their heads. The men wore plumes of dove
feathers and sometimes little skirts fashioned of rabbit down. I did some
reading on the subject and taught them crude tanning of their rabbit and
squirrel hides for use in their tree homes.
The
tree homes were more and more intricately wrought with expert basketry for
walls and floor and tight thatching above. They were well camouflaged from
below, as I suggested.
These
little creatures delighted me more and more. For hours, I could watch the
adults, both the males and females, playing with the children or teaching them
to glide. I could sit all afternoon and watch them at work on a tree house.
So
one day my wife asked, "How does the
mighty hunter who now returns from the forest?"
"Oh,
fine. I've been enjoying the local animal life." "So has our
daughter." "What do you mean ?"
"She
has two of them up in her room." "Two what?"
"I
don't know. What do you
call them?"
I went up the stairs three at a time and
burst into my daughter's room.
There
she sat on her bed reading a book to two volplas.
One
of the volplas grinned and said in English, "Hello there, King
Arthur."
"What's
going on here?" I demanded of all three.
"Nothing,
Daddy. We're just reading like we always do."
"Like
always? How long has this been going on?"
"Oh,
weeks and weeks. How long has it been since you came here that first time to
visit me, Fuzzy?"
The
impolite volpla who had addressed me as King Arthur grinned at her and
calculated. "Oh, weeks and weeks."
"But
you're teaching them to read English."
"Of
course. They're such good pupils and so grateful. Daddy, you won't make them go
away, will you? We love each other, don't we?"
Both
volplas nodded vigorously.
She
turned back to me. "Daddy, did you know they can fly? They can fly right
out of the window and way up in the sky."
"Is
that a fact?" I said testily. I looked coldly at the two volplas. Tm going
to speak to your chief."
Back downstairs again, I raved at my wife.
"Why didn't you tell me a thing like this was going on? How could you let
such an unusual thing go on and not discuss it with me?"
My
wife got a look on her face that I don't see very often. "Now you listen
to me, mister. Your whole life is a secret from us. Just what makes you think
your daughter can't have a little secret of her own?"
She
got right up dose to me and her blue eyes snapped little sparks all over me.
"The fact is that I was wrong to tell you at all. I promised her I
wouldn't tell anyone.
Look what happened when I
did. You go leaping around the house like a raving maniar just because a little girl has a secret."
"A fine secret!" I yelled.
"Didn't it occur to you this might be dangerous? Those creatures are
oversexed and ..." I stumbled into an awful silence while she
gave me the dirtiest smile since the days of the Malatcstas.
"How
did you . . . suddenly get to be . . . the palace eunuch? Those are sweet lovable little creatures without a
harm in their furry little bodies. But don't think I don't realize what's been
going on. You created them yourself. So, if they have any dirty ideas, I know
where they got them."
I
stormed out of the house. I spun the jeep out of the yard and ripped off
through the woods.
The
chief was sitting at home as comfortable as you please. He was leaning back
against the great oak that hid his tree house. He had a little fire going and
one of the women was roasting a sparrow for him. He greeted me in volpla
language.
"Do
you realize," I blurted angrily, "that there are two volplas in my
daughter's bedroom?"
'
Why, yes," he answered calmly. "They go there every day. Is there
anything wrong with that?"
"She's teaching them
the words of men."
"You
told us some men may be our enemies. We are anxious to know their words, the
better to protect ourselves."
He
reached around behind the tree and, right there in broad daylight, that volpla
pulled a copy of the San Francisco Chronicle out
of hiding. He held it up apologetically. "We have been taking it for some
time from the box in front of your house."
He
spread the paper on the ground between us. I saw by the date that it was yesterday's.
He said proudly, "From the two who go to your house, I have learned the
words of men. As men say, I can 'read' most of this."
I
just stood there gaping at him. How could I possibly recoup this situation so
that the stunning joke of the volplas wouldn't be lost? Would it seem
reasonable that the volplas, by observing and listening to men, had learned
their language? Or had they been taught it by a human friend?
That-was
it—I would just have to sacrifice anonymity. My family and I had found a colony
of them on our ranch and taught them English. I was stuck with it because it
was the truth.
The
volpla waved his long thin arm over the front page. "Men are dangerous.
They will shoot us with their guns if we leave here."
I hastened to reassure him. "It will not
be like that. When men have learned about you, they will leave you alone."
I stated this emphatically, but for the first time I was beginning to see this
might not be a joke to the volplas. Nevertheless, I went on. "You must
disperse the families at once. You stay here with your family so we remain in contact, but send the other families to other places."
He
shook his head. "We cannot leave these woods. Men would shoot us."
Then
he stood and looked squarely at me with his nocturnal eyes. "Perhaps you
are not a good friend. Perhaps you have lied to us. Why are you saying we
should leave this safety?"
"You will be happier.
There will be more game."
He
continued to stare directly at me. "There will be men. One has already
shot one of us. We have forgiven him and are friends. But one of us is
dead."
"You are friends with another man?"
I asked, stunned. . He nodded and pointed up the valley. "He is up there
today with another family."
"Let's go!"
He
had the advantage of short glides, but the volpla chief couldn't keep up with
me. Sometimes trotting, sometimes walking fast, I got way ahead of him. My hard
breathing arose as much out of my anxiety about the manner of handling this
stranger as it did out of the exertion.
I
rounded a bend in the creek and there was my son sitting on the grass near a
cooking fire playing with a baby volpla and talking in English to an adult
volpla who stood beside him. As I approached, my son tossed the baby into the
air. The tiny planes opened and the baby drifted down to his waiting hands.
He
said to the volpla beside him, "No, I'm sure you didn't come from the
stars. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure my father—"
I
yelled from behind them, "What business do you have telling them
that?"
The
male volpla jumped about two feet. My son turned his head slowly and looked at
me. Then he handed the baby to the male and stood up.
"You
haven't any business out here!" I was seething. He had destroyed the whole
store of volpla legends with one small doubt,
He brushed the grass from his trousers and
straightened. The way he was looking at me, I felt my anger turning to a kind
of jelly.
"Dad,
I killed one of these little people yesterday. I thought he was a hawk and I
shot him when I was out hunting. I wouldn't have done that if you had told me
about them."
I
couldn't look at him. I stared at the grass and my face got hot.
"The
chief tells me that you want them to leave the ranch soon. You think you're
going to play a big joke, don't you?"
I
heard the chief come up behind me and stand quietly at my back.
My
son said softly, "I don't think it's much of a joke, Dad. I had to listen
to that one crying after I hit him."
There
were big black trail ants moving in the grass. It seemed to me there was a
ringing sound in the sky. I raised my head and looked at him. "Son, let's
go back to the jeep and we can talk about it on the way home."
"I'd
rather walk." He sort of waved to the volpla he had been talking to and
then to the chief. He jumped the creek and walked away into the oak woods.
The
volpla holding the baby stared at me. From somewhere far up the valley, a crow
was cawing. I didn't look at the chief. I turned and brushed past him and
walked back to the jeep alone.
At
home, I opened a bottle of beer and sat out on the terrace to wait for my son.
My wife came toward the house with some cut flowers from the garden, but she
didn't speak to me. She snapped the blades of the scissors as she walked.
A
volpla soared across the terrace and landed at my daughter's bedroom window.
He was there only briefly and re-launched himself. He was followed from the
window in moments by the two volplas I had left with my daughter earlier in
the afternoon. I watched them with a vague unease as the three veered off to
the east, climbing effortlessly.
When
I finally took a sip of my beer, it was already warm. I set it aside. Presently
my daughter ran out onto the terrace.
"Daddy,
my volplas left. They said good-by and we hadn't even finished the TV show.
They said they won't see me again. Did you make them leave?"
"No. I didn't."
She
was staring at me with hot eyes* Her lower lip protruded and trembled like a
pink tear drop.
"Daddy, you did so." She stomped
into the house, sobbing. My God! In one afternoon, I had managed to become a
palace eunuch, a murderer and a liar!
Most of the afternoon went by before I heard
my son enter the house. I called to him and he camp out and stood before me. I got up.
"Son,
I can't tell you how sorry I am for what happened to you. It was my fault, not
yours at all. I only hope you can forget the shock of finding out what sort of
creature you had hit. I don't know why I didn't anticipate that such things
would happen. It was just that I was so intent on" mystifying the whole
world that I..."
I stopped. There wasn't anything more to say.
"Are you going to make them leave the
ranch?" he asked.
I was aghast. "After what has happened?"
"Gee, what are you going to do about them, Dad?"
"I've
been trying to decide. I don't know what I should do that will be best for
them." I looked at my watch. "Let's go back out and talk to the
chief."
His
eyes lighted and he clapped me on the shoulder, man to man. We ran out and got
into the jeep and drove back up to the valley. The late afternoon Sun glared
across the landscape.
We
didn't say much as we wound up the valley between the darkening trees. I was
filled more and more with the unease that had seized me as I watched the three
volplas leave my terrace and climb smoothly and purposefully into the east
We
got out at the chief s camp and there were no volplas around. The fire had
burned down to a smolder. I called in the volpla language, but there was no
answer.
We
went from camp to camp and found dead fires. We climbed to their tree houses
and found them empty. I was sick and scared. I called endlessly till I was
hoarse.
At
last, in the darkness, my son put a hand on my arm. "What are you going to
do, Dad?"
Standing
there in those terribly silent woods, I trembled. "I'll have to call the
police and the newspapers and warn everybody."
"Where do you suppose they've
gone?"
I
looked to the east where the stars, rising out of the great pass in the
mountains, glimmered like a deep bowl of fireflies.
"The last three I saw were headed that
way."
We had been gone from the house for hours.
When we stepped out onto the lighted terrace, I saw the shadow of a helicopter
down on the strip. Then I saw Guy sitting near me in a chair. He was holding
his head in his hands.
Em
was saying to my wife, "He was beside himself. There wasn't a thing he
could do. I had to get him away from there and I thought you wouldn't mind if
we flew over here and stayed with you till they've decided what to do."
I walked over and said,
"Hello, Guy. What's the matter?"
He
raised his head and then stood and shook hands. "It's a mess. The whole
project will be ruined and we don't dare go near it."
"What happened?"
"Just as we set it
off—"
"Set what off?"
"The rocket."
"Rocket?"
Guy groaned.
"The Venus rocket! Rocket Harold!"
My
wife interjected. "I was telling Guy we didn't know a thing about it
because they haven't delivered our paper in weeks. I've complained—"
I waved her to silence. "Go on," I demanded of Guy.
"Just
as I pushed the button and the hatch was closing, a flock of owls circled the
ship. They started flying through the hatch and somehow they jammed it
open."
Em
said to my wife, "There must have been a hundred of them. They kept coming
and coming and flying into that hatch. Then they began dumping out all the recording
instruments. The men tried to run a motor-driven ladder up to the ship and
those owls hit the driver on the head and knocked him out with some kind of
instrument."
Guy
turned his grief-stricken face to me. "Then the hatch closed and we don't
dare go near the ship. It was supposed to fire in five minutes, but it hasn't.
Those damned owls could have..."
There
was a glare in the east. We all turned and saw a brief streak of gilt pencil
its way up the black velvet beyond the mountains.
"That's
it!" Guy shouted. "That's the ship!" Then he moaned. "A
total loss."
I
grabbed him by the shoulders. "You mean it won't make it to Venus?"
He
jerked away in misery. "Sure, it will make it. The automatic controls
can't be tampered with. But the rocket is on its way without any recording
instruments or TV aboard. Just a load of owls."
My
son laughed. "Owls! My dad can tell you a thing or two."
I
silenced him with a scowl. He shut up, then danced off across the terrace.
"Man, man! This is the biggest! The most —the greatest—the end!"
The phone was ringing. As I went to the box
on the terrace, I grabbed my boy's arm. "Don't you breathe a word."
He
giggled. "The joke is on you, Pop. Why should I say anything? I'll just
grin once in a while."
"Now you cut that
out."
He
held onto my arm and walked toward the phone box with me, half convulsed.
"Wait till men land on Venus and find Venusians with a legend about their
Great White Father in California. That's when I'll tell."
The
phone call was from a screaming psychotic who wanted Guy. I stood near Guy
while he listened to the excited voice over the wire.
Presently
Guy said, "No, no. The automatic controls will correct for the delay in
firing. It isn't that. It's just that there aren't any instruments . . . What?
What just happened? Calm down. I can't understand you."
I
heard Em say to my wife, "You know, the strangest thing occurred out
there. I thought
it looked like those owls
were carrying things on their backs. One of them dropped something and I saw
the men open a package wrapped in a leaf. You'd never believe what was in
it—three little birds roasted to a nice brown!"
My son nudged me.
"Smart owls. Long trip."
I
put my hand over his mouth. Then I saw that Guy was holding the receiver limply
away from his ear.
He
spluttered. "They just taped a radio message from the rocket. It's true
that the radio wasn't thrown out. But we didn't have a record like this on that rocket."
He
yelled into the phone. "Play it back." He thrust the receiver at me.
For a moment, there was
only a gritty buzz from the re-
ceiver.
Then the tape started playing a soft, high voice. "This is Rocket Harold
saying everything is well. This is Rocket Harold saying good-by to men."
There was a pause and then, in clear volpla language, another voice spoke.
"Man who made us, we forgive you. We know we did not come from the stars,
but we go there. I, chief, give you welcome to visit. Good-by."
We all stood around too exhausted by the
excitement to say anything. I was filled with a big, sudden sadness.
I
stood for a long time and looked out to the east, where the sprawling mountain
range held a bowl of dancing fireflies between her black breasts.
Presently
I said to old Guy, "How long do you think it will be before you have a
manned rocket- ready for Venus?"
Silence, Please!
by
Arthur C. Clarke
// bos been said by some critics that humor and science fiction do not
belong in the same sentence, but in the present jape, originally published in
1950 under Clarke's pseudonym "Charles Willis," you will find a story
that combines the two things very successfully—science fiction, with humor of a sharp, ironical, rather deadpan sort.
Now that you point it out, it is rather extraordinary how the Professor's enemies always seem to get
the worst of it But I think your insinuation is a little unfair. He's really
a very kindhearted chap who wouldn't hurt a fly if he could help it. I'm not
saying that he doesn't like a scrap, but it's always fair and above board.
Well, nearly always. Perhaps that was an
exception. And you must admit that Sir Roderick deserved all he got. When I first met the Professor he had only
just left Cambridge and was still struggling to keep the Company solvent. I
think he sometimes regretted leaving the academic cloisters |
In a somewhat different guise, this story has
previously appeared in book form as the opener in Clarke's delightful Tales from the White Hart. 1 think there is ample historical
justification for preserving this
earlier form of the story. And it is worth rereading, even if you have already been through it once.
for
the rough and tumble of industry, but he once told me that he enjoyed using the
whole of his mind for the first time in his life. Electron Products (I960) Ltd. was just about covering its expenses when I first joined it. Our
main line of business was the Harvey Integrator, that compact little electronic
calculator which could do almost everything a differential analyser could for
about a tenth of the cost. It had a steady sale to universities and research
organisations, and is still the Professor's favourite. He's always improving
it, and Model 15 goes on the market in a few weeks.
At
that time, however, the Professor had only two assets. One was the goodwill of
the academic world, which thought him crazy but secretly admired his courage;
his old colleagues back at the Cavendish were always boosting his products, and
he got quite a bit of useful research done for nothing. His other asset was the
mental outlook of the business men he dealt with. They took it for granted that
an ex-university
E |
rofessor
would be as innocent of commercial guile as a new-orn babe. Which, of course,
was just what the Professor wanted them to think. And some of the poor innocents
still cling pathetically to that theory.
It
was over the Harvey Integrator that Sir Roderick Fenton and the Professor first
came into conflict. Perhaps you've never met Dr. Harvey, but he is that rare
creature, the perfect popular conception of a scientist. A genius, of course,
but the sort that should be locked in his lab. and spoon-fed through a
trapdoor. Sir Roderick did a flourishing line of business with helpless
scientists like Harvey. When State control put an end to most of his other rackets,
he turned his hand to the encouragement of original inventions. The Private
Enterprise (Limitations) Act of 1955 had
tried to foster that sort of thing, but not in the way Sir Roderick intended.
He took advantage of the tax exemptions and, at the same time held industry up
to ransom by grabbing fundamental patents from dim-witted inventors like
Harvey. Someone once called him a scientific highwayman, which is a pretty
good description.
When
Harvey sold us the rights to his calculator he retired to his private lab. and
we didn't hear anything from him until about a year later. Then he produced a
paper in the Philosophical
Magazine describing
that really marvellous circuit for evaluating multiple integrals. The
Professor didn't see it for a few weeks—Harvey, of course, never thought of mentioning it, now being busy on something
else. The delay was fatal. One of Sir Roderick's snoopers (he paid for and got
good technical advice) had bullied poor Harvey into selling the thing outright
to Fenton Enterprises.
The
Professor, naturally, was hopping mad. Harvey was frightfully contrite when he
realisea what he'd done, and promised never to sign anything again before
consulting us. But meanwhile the damage had been done and Sir Roderick was
clutching his ill-gotten gains, waiting for us to approach him as he knew we must.
I'd
have given a lot to be present at that interview. Unfortunately, the Professor
insisted on going alone. -He came back about an hour later, looking very hot
and bothered. The old shark had asked £5,000 for
Harvey's patents which was just a little less than our overdraft at that time.
We gathered that the Professor's leave-taking had been lacking in courtesy. He
had, in fact, told Sir Roderick to go to Hell and sketched out his probable itinerary.
The Professor disappeared into his office,
and we heard him crashing around for a minute. Then he came out with his hat
and coat.
"I'm
suffocating here," he said. "Let's get away from town. Miss Simmons
can look after things. Come along!"
We
were used to the Professor's ways by now. Once we'd thought them eccentric, but
by this time we knew better. At moments of crisis, a dash out into the country
could often work wonders and more than repay for any time lost at the office.
Besides, it was a lovely afternoon in late summer.
The
Professor drove the big Alvis—his one extravagance, and a necessary one—out
along the new Great West Road until we had passed the city limits. Then he
opened the rotors and we climbed into the sky until a hundred miles of English
countryside lay spread below. Far beneath us we could see the white runways of
Heathrow, a great three-hundred-ton liner dropping towards them with idle jets.
"Where
shall we go?" asked George Anderson, who was Managing Director at that
time. Paul Hargreaves was the other member of the party: you won't know him, as he went to Westinghouse a couple of years ago. He was a production
engineer, and one of the best. He had to be, to keep up with the Professor.
"What about Oxford?" I suggested.
"It makes a change from these synthetic satellite towns."
So
Oxford it was; but before we got there the Professor spotted some nice-looking
hills and changed his mind. We windmilled down on a flat expanse of heather
overlooking a long valley. It seemed as if it had been part of a large private
estate in the days when there were such things. It was extremely hot, and we
climbed out of the machine throwing surplus clothes in all directions. The
Professor spread his coat delicately across the heather and curled himself up
on it.
"Don't
wake me until tea-time," he instructed. Five minutes later he was fast
asleep.
We
talked quietly for a while, glancing at him from time to time to make sure we
didn't disturb him. He looked oddly young when his face was relaxed in sleep.
It was difficult to realise that behind that placid mask a score of complicated
schemes was being evolved—not least, the downfall of Sir Roderick Fenton.
At length we must have all dozed off. It was
one of those afternoons when even the noise of insects seems subdued. The heat
was almost visible, and the hills were shimmering all around us.
I
woke up with a giant shouting in my ear. For a while I lay, taking a poor view
of the disturbance; then the others stirred too, and we all looked round
angrily.
Two
miles away, a helicopter was floating above a small village that sprawled
across the far end of the valley. It was bombarding the defenceless inhabitants
with election propaganda, and every few minutes some vagary of the wind
brought bursts of speech to our ears. We lay for a while trying to determine which
party had committed the outrage, but as the amplifiers were doing nothing but
extol the virtues of one Mr. Snooks we were none the wiser.
"He
wouldn't get my vote," said Paul angrily. "Downright bad manners! The
fellow must be a Socialist."
He dodged Anderson's shoe
just in time.
"Maybe
the villagers have asked him to address them," I said, not very convincingly, in an attempt to restore peace.
"I
doubt it," said Paul. "But it's the principle of the thing I'm
objecting to. It's—it's an invasion of privacy. Like sign-writing in the
sky."
"I
don't call the sky very private," said George. "But I see what you
mean."
I forget exactly how the argument went from
then on, but eventually it veered round to a discussion of offensive noises in
general and Mr. Snooks in particular. Paul and George were regarding the
helicopter dispassionately when the latter remarked:
"What
I'd like is to be able to put up a sort of sound barrier whenever I wished. I
always thought Samuel Butler's ear-flaps a good idea, only they couldn't have
been very efficient."
"I
think they were, socially," replied Paul. "Even the worst bore would
get a bit discouraged if you ostentatiously inserted a pair of ear-plugs every
time he approached. But the idea of a sound barrier is intriguing. It's a pity
it can't be done without removing the air, which wouldn't be very
practicable."
The
Professor hadn't taken any part in the conversation; in fact, he seemed to be
asleep again. Presently be gave a great yawn and rose to his feet.
"Time
for tea," he said. "Let's go to Max's. Your turn to pay, Fred."
About
a month later, the Professor called me into his office. As I was his publicity
agent and general go-between, he usually tried his new ideas on me to see if I
understood them and thought they were any use. Hargreaves and I acted as
ballast to keep the Professor down to earth. We didn't always succeed.
"Fred,"
he began, "do you remember what George said the other day about a sound
barrier?"
I
had to think for a moment before it came back to me. "Oh, yes—a crazy
idea. Surely you aren't thinking about it seriously?"
"Hmm
What do you know about wave
interference?" "Not much. You tell me."
"Suppose
you have a train of waves—a peak here, a trough there, and so on. Then you take
another train of waves and superimpose the two. What would you get?"
"Well, it depends on
how you do it, I imagine."
"Precisely.
Suppose you arranged it so that the trough of one wave coincided with the peak
of the other, and so on all along the train."
"Then
you'd get complete cancellation—nothing at all. Good heavens—!''
"Exactly.
Now let's say we've got a source of sound. I put a microphone near it and feed
the output to what we'll call an inverting amplifier. That drives a
loudspeaker, and the whole thing is arranged so that the output is kept
automatically at the same amplitude as the input, only out of phase with it.
What's the net result?"
"It
doesn't seem reasonable . . . but in theory it should give complete silence.
There must be a catch somewhere."
"Where?
It's only the principle of negative feed-back, which has been used in radio for
years to get rid of things you don't want."
"Yes,
I know. But sound doesn't consist of peaks and troughs, like the waves on the
sea. It's a series of compressions and rarefactions in the atmosphere, isn't
it?"
'True. But that doesn't
affect the principle in the slightest."
"I
still don't believe it would work. There must be some point you have . .."
And
then a most extraordinary thing happened. I was still talking, but I couldn't
hear myself. The room had become suddenly very quiet. Before my eyes, the
Professor picked up a heavy paperweight and dropped it on his desk. It hit and
bounced—in complete silence. Then he moved his hand, and abruptly sound came
flooding back into the room.
I sat down heavily, stunned
for a moment.
"I don't believe
it!"
'Too bad. Like another
demonstration?"
"No! It gives me the
creeps! Where have you hidden it?"
The
professor grinned, and pulled out one of the drawers of his desk. Inside was a
shocking jumble of components. I could tell by the blobs of solder, the wires
twisted together and the general untidiness that the Professor had made it with
his own hands. The circuit itself appeared fairly simple; certainly not as
complex as a modern radio.
"The
loudspeaker—if you can call it that—is hidden behind the curtains over there.
However, there's no reason why the whole thing shouldn't be quite compact, even
portable."
"What
sort of range has it got? I mean, there must be a limit to the infernal
thing."
The
Professor indicated what appeared to be a normal volume control.
"I
haven't made very extensive tests, but this unit can be adjusted to give almost
complete silence over a radius of twenty feet. Outside that, sounds are
deadened for another thirty feet, and further away everything is normal again.
You could cover any area you liked simply by increasing the power. This unit
has an output of about three watts of 'negative sound', and it couldn't handle
very intense noises. But I think I could make a
model to blank out the Albert Hall if I wanted to—though I might draw the line
at Wembley Stadium."
"Well,
now that you've made the thing, what do you intend to do with it?"
The
Professor smiled sweetly. "That's your job:
I'm only an impractical scientist. It seems to me that it should have quite a
lot of applications. But don't tell anyone about it; I want to keep it as a
surprise."
I was used to this sort of thing and gave the
Professor his report a few days later. I had been into the production side
with Hargreaves, and it seemed a simple job to make the equipment. All the
parts were standard: even the amplifier-inverter was nothing very mysterious
when you'd seen how it was done. It was not very difficult to visualise all
sorts of uses for the invention, and I'd really let myself go. In its way, it
was the cleverest thing the Professor had done. I was sure we could make it
into a profitable line of business.
The
Professor read my report carefully. He seemed a bit doubtful on one or two
points.
"I
don't see how we can produce the Silencer at present," he said,
christening it for the first time. "We haven't the plant or the staff, and
I want money on the nail, not in a year's time. Fenton rang up yesterday to say
that he'd found a purchaser for Harvey's patents. I don't believe him, but he
may be telling the truth. The Integrator is a bigger thing than this."
•I was disappointed. "We might sell the licence to one of the big
radio firms."
"Yes;
perhaps that's the best plan. But there are one or two other points to
consider. I think I'll take a trip to Oxford."
"Why Oxford?"
"Oh, not all the brains are at Cambridge,
you know. There's a bit of an overflow."
We didn't see him again for three days. When
he came back he seemed rather pleased with himself. We soon found out why. In
his pocket he had a cheque for £10,000 made out to R. H. Harvey and endorsed to
Electron Products. It was signed Roderick Fenton.
The Professor sat quietly at his desk while
we raved at him. Anderson was maddest of all. After all, he was supposed to be Managing Director. But the thing that rankled most was
the fact that Sir Roderick had bought the Silencer. We couldn't get over that.
The
Professor still seemed quite happy, and waited until we'd exhausted ourselves.
It seemed that he had got Harvey to sell Fenton the Silencer as his own
invention, so that its true origin would be concealed. The financier had been
greatly impressed by the device and had bought it outright. If the Professor
wanted to keep out of the transaction, he couldn't have chosen a better
intermediary than the guileless Dr. Harvey. He was the last person anyone
would suspect.
"But
why have you let it go to that old crook?" we wailed. "Even if he's
paid a fair price, which is incredible, why couldn't you sell it to someone
honest?"
"Never
mind," said the Professor, fanning himself with the cheque. "We can't
quibble at £10,000
for a month's work, can we?
Now I can buy Harvey's patents and make my bankers happy at the same
time."
That
was all we could get out of him. We left in a state of incipient mutiny, and it
was just as well that the new calculator occupied ail our attention for the
next few weeks. Sir Roderick had handed over the precious patents without any
more fuss. He was probably still feeling pleased with his new toy.
The
Fenton Silencer came on the market with a great flourish of publicity, about
six months later. It created quite a sensation. The first production model was
presented to the British Museum Reading Room, and the fame it brought was well
worth the cost of installation. While hospitals rushed to order units, we went
around in a state of suppressed gloom, looking reproachfully at the Professor.
He didn't seem to mind.
I don't know why Sir Roderick brought out the
portable silencer. I rather think that some interested person must have
suggested the idea to him. It was a clever little gadget, designed to look
like a personal radio, and at first it sold on novelty value alone. Then people
began to find it useful in noisy surroundings. And then—
Quite
by chance, I was at that opening performance of Edward England's sensational
new opera. Not that I'm particularly keen on opera, but a friend had a spare
ticket and it promised to be entertaining. It was.
The
papers had been talking about the opera for weeks before, particularly the
daring use of electric percussion instruments. England's music had been
causing controversy for years. His supporters and detractors almost had a free
fight before the performance, but that was nothing unusual. The Sadler's Wells
management had thoughtfully arranged to have special police standing by, and
there were only a few boos and catcalls when the curtain went up.
In
case you don't know the opera, it's one of the stark, realistic type so popular
nowadays. The period is: the late Victorian era, and the main characters are
Sarah Stampe, the passionate postmistress, Walter Partridge, the saturnine
gamekeeper, and the squire's son, whose name I forget. It's the old story of
the eternal triangle, complicated by the villagers' resentment of change—in
this case, the new telegraph system which the local crones predict will do
things to cows' milk and cause trouble at lambing time.
I
know it sounds rather involved and improbable, but operas always seem to be
that way. Anyhow, there is the usual drama of jealousy. The squire's son
doesn't want to marry into the Post Office, and the gamekeeper, maddened by his
rejection, plots his revenge. The tragedy rises to its dreadful climax when
poor Sarah, strangled with parcel tape, is found hidden in a mail bag in the
Dead Letter Department. The villagers hang Partridge from the nearest tejegraph
pole, much to the annoyance of the linesmen; the squire's son takes to drink,
or the Colonies, and that's that.
I
knew I was in for it when the overture started. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but
somehow this modern stuff leaves me cold. I like something with melody, and
nobody seems to write that sort of music any more. I've no patience with these
modern composers—give me Bliss, Walton, Stravinsky and the other old-timers
any day.
The
cacophony died away amid cheers and catcalls, and the curtain went up. The
scene was the village square at Doddering Sloughleigh, circa I860. Enter the heroine, reading the postcards in the morning's mail. She
comes across a letter addressed to the young squire and promptly bursts into
song.
Sarah's
opening aria wasn't quite as bad as the overture, but it was grim enough.
Judging by appearances, it must have been almost as painful to sing as to
listen to. But we were
only to hear the first few bars, for suddenly that familiar blanket of silence
descended upon the opera house. For a moment I must have been the only person in that huge audience who realised what
had happened. Everyone seemed frozen in their seats, while the singer's lips
went on moving soundlessly. Then she, too, realised the truth. Her mouth opened
in what would have been a piercing scream in any other circumstances, and she
fled into the wings amid a shower of postcards.
I'm
sorry to say that I laughed myself sick during the next ten minutes. The chaos
was unbelievable. Quite a number of people must have realised what had
happened, and they were trying to explain it to their friends. But, of course,
they couldn't, and their efforts to do so were incredibly funny. Presently
pieces of paper began circulating, and everybody started to look suspiciously
at everybody else. However, the culprit must have been well concealed, for he
was never discovered.
What's
that? Yes, I suppose it's possible. No one would think of suspecting the
orchestra. That would account for the motive, too: I'd never thought of it
before. Anyway, the next day all the papers were very rude about Sir Roderick
and there was talk of an inquiry. Shares in Fenton Enterprises began to be
unpopular. And the Professor looked more cheerful than he'd done for days.
The
Sadler's Wells affair started a whole crop of similar incidents, none on such a
large scale but all with their amusing points. Some of the perpetrators were caught,
and then, to everybody's consternation, it was discovered that there was no law
under which they could be charged. It was while the Lord Chancellor was trying
to stretch the Witchcraft Act to cover the case that the second big *ranAa\ occurred.
I used
to have the copy of Hansard around, but someone seems to have pinched it I
rather suspect the Professor. Do you remember that deplorable affair? The House
was debating the Civil Estimates, and tempers had risen to terms, and the
Chancellor of the Exchequer was rutting back with both fists when he was
suddenly faded out. It was Sadler's Wells all over again, except that this time
everybody knew what had happened.
There
was a soundless pandemonium. Every time an opposition speaker rose the field
was switched off, and so the debate became somewhat one-sided. Suspicion
focused on an unfortunate
Liberal who happened to be carrying a personal radio. He was practically
lynched, while silently protesting his innocence. The radio was torn away—but
the silences continued. The Speaker rose to intervene, and he got suppressed. That was the last straw, and he walked out of the
House, ending the debate among scenes of unprecedented disorder.
Sir Roderick must have been feeling pretty
unhappy by then. Everyone was getting very annoyed with the Silencer, to which
his name had been irrevocably welded by his own conceit. But, so far, nothing
really serious had happened. So far...
Some
time before, Dr. Harvey had called on us with the news that Fenton wanted him
to design a special high-powered unit for a private order. The Professor did
so—for a pretty stiff fee. I was always rather surprised that Harvey carried
off the deception so successfully, but Sir Roderick never suspected anything.
He got his super-silencer, Harvey got the' credit, and the Professor got the
cash. Everyone was satisfied—including the customer. For, about two days after
the House of Commons incident, there was a robbery at a Hatton Garden
Jeweller's, early one afternoon in broad daylight. The extraordinary thing
about it was that a safe had been blown open without anyone hearing either the intruders or the explosion.
Precisely!
That's what Scotland Yard thought, and it was about then that Sir Roderick
began to wish he*H never even heard of the Silencer. Of course, he was able to
prove that he had no idea of the use for which the special unit had been
intended. And, equally of course, the customer's address had been an
accommodation one.
The
next day half the newspapers carried headlines: FENTON SILENCER MAY BE BANNED.
Their unanimity would have been puzzling if one didn't know that the Professor
had long ago established excellent relations with all the science reporters in
Fleet Street. By another strange coincidence, that same day an agent from an
American firm called on Sir Roderick and offered to buy the Silencer outright.
The agent called just as the detectives were leaving and Sir Roderick's
resistance was at its lowest ebb. He got the patents for $20,000, and I think the financier was glad to see the
back of them.
The
Professor,, at any rate, was very cheerful when he called us into his office
the next day.
"I'm
afraid I owe you all an apology," he said. "I know how you fejt when
I sold the Silencer. However, we've got it back again, and I think everything's
worked out rather well. Except for Sir Roderick, bless his little hearf."
•
"Don't
look so smug," said Paul. "You were just darned lucky, that's
all."
The Professor looked hurt. "I admit
there was a certain element of luck," he agreed. "But not as much as
you may think. D'you remember my trip to Oxford after I got Fred's
report?"
"Yes. What about
it?"
"Well, I went to see Professor Wilson,
the psychologist. Do you know anything about his work ?" "Not
much."
"I
suppose not; he hasn't published his conclusions yet. But he's developed what
he calls the mathematics of social psychology. It's all frightfully involved,
but he claims to be able to express the properties of any society in the form
of a square matrix of about a hundred columns. If you want to know what will
happen to that society when you do anything to it—for example, if you pass a
new law—you have to multiply by another matrix. Get the idea?"
"Vaguely."
"Naturally,
the results are purely statistical. It's a matter of probabilities—like life
insurance—rather than certainties. I had my doubts about the Silencer right at
the beginning, and wondered what would happen if its use were unrestricted.
Wilson told me; not in detail, of course, but in general outline. He predicted
that if as many as point one per cent, of the population used Silencers, they
would probably have to be banned inside a year. And if criminal elements
started to use them, trouble would arise even sooner."
"Professor! Are you
telling us—?"
"Good
gracious, no! I don't go in for burglary. That was a bit of luck, though it was bound to happen sooner or later. I am only
surprised that it took so long for someone to think of it."
We regarded him
speechlessly.
"What
else was I to do? I wanted the Silencer and the
money. I took a risk, and it came off."
"I still think you're
a crook," said Paul. "But what do you intend to do with the thing now
that you've got it back?"
"Well,
we'll have to wait until the unpleasantness dies down. From what I've seen of
Fenton Enterprises equipment, the units they've sold will come in for repair
in about a year, so that should get rid of them eventually. In the meantime,
we'll get our models ready for the market—fixed, built-in units only this time
so that there can be none of these accidents again. And they'll be hired, not
sold outright. You might be interested to know that I'm expecting a big order
from Empire Airways. Atomic rockets make a devil of a noise, and nobody's been
able to do anything about it until now."
He picked up the sheaf of papers and ruffled
through them lovingly. "You know, this is quite a good example of the
inscrutable workings of fate. It only goes to show that honesty always
triumphs, and that he whose cause is just—"
We
all moved at once. It took him quite a while to get his head out of the
wastepaper basket.
Allegory
by
William
T. Powers
One
is almost irresistibly reminded of
Galileo—or, even more poignantly, of
Giordano Bruno, who was actually burned at the stake for his scientific theories, which Galileo was not—in reading
this story. Today, of course, we do
not burn "heretics." Sometimes we declare them "subversive"
and jail them; and sometimes, it may be, we call them "mentally ill"
and—but read on....
T |
he Research Guidance Center was always busy near
the first of the month, for at that time the allotments for research funds
were computed and distributed, and the beginning of the first week's run of
Guidance checks was starting in the big computers in the subbasements.
On
one Monday morning, the third day of the month, John Mark received a
communication that had a considerable effect on his stability rating for some
two weeks, after which, of course, it didn't matter.
Mark
was sitting at his desk in the Incoming office, coding requests to initiate
research. His task was mainly routine, consisting of translating various types
of requests into language the computers could understand; only one out of
fifty requests required any real thinking, and no more than one out of a
thousand called for any kind of personal contact. His mind, comfortably locked
into a smooth and ordered pat-
tern,
was stirred only by events of highly unusual nature— He stared, big-eyed, at
the application that had arrested his fingers over the coder keys.
Name,
Henry Norris. Address, WJCHNlOllOOlllOlOOl. Nature of projected research:
Application of antigravity device to various forms of transportation.
Confusion
stirred dangerously, in Mark's solar plexus; his mind, well trained to handle
this sensation, searched quickly through the possibilities, and handed up an
answer. Mark smiled.
Carefully
he red-penciled two words in the application and wrote in two more, so that it
read, "Invention- of antigravity device for various forms of transportation." Then he stamped the application,
"REJECTED: SCIENCE; physical," and "Data not subject to rational
investigation," and mailed it back to WJCHNlOllOOlllOlOOl. Four days
later, he got it back, with a letter.
"Dear
sir," the letter said, "I have received the enclosed application,
returned with the wording changed and a rejection stamp across the middle of
it. Naturally the way you have rewor ded my application, I can see why you
rejected it. However, I wish to apply for permission to apply an invention,
not to develop it. Therefore, I am returning another application worded
properly, and wish to have slightly more accurate handling this time."
Mark
wondered why the chill went up his spine. Of course, there was nothing to worry
about, but—Well,
that was it, there was
nothing to worry about. With a sigh he coded the application and sent it to Science, physical. By the time he came back from lunch the
rejected form with the usual explanatory letter was lying on his desk. Out of
habit he scanned it:
"Dear
sir: Your application is being rejected by the Department of Physical Sciences
for the following reasons:
(1) No
antigravity device exists.
(2) The approved laws of physical science do not
allow
for the existence of antigravity devices; owing to certain data
too complex to go into in this letter, we cannot allow compu-
tations for determining the probability of the development of
such a device to occupy the services of the physical sciences
computing department. We suggest that you refer to—"
There
followed a long list of library codes, enumerating books and papers concerning
antigravity, and a final admonition to become more versed in the laws of
physical science.
Mark
knew that part, so he skipped it. As a matter of form, he added a penciled note
to the letter apologizing for the initial mishandling, and sent the envelope
and its contents off to the mailing chutes.
Four days later there was a letter from
WJCHN101100111-01001
lying on the desk.
"Dear
Sir:" it said, "I have received your rejection of my application.
Since nobody at RGC seems to be able to read, I shall appear personally at your
office a week from the date of mailing this letter. In order to avoid any
further contact with whomever it is on your staff that is illiterate, I shall
bring a working model of my device and perhaps by drawing suitable colored
pictures and limiting my vocabulary to the eight-year-old level I shall be able
to make you understand that I have an antigravity device that I wish to apply
to various forms of transportation, and that I do not want my application
handled by chimpanzees who happen to know how to type. If the computers say
that the device does not exist, that is their privilege, but what the computers
say seems to have very little to do with reality. I will see you next Tuesday
at two o'clock in the afternoon, or if that is beyond you, roughly halfway
between lunch and quitting-time. Sincerely, H. Norris."
An
extremely uncomfortable feeling swept over Mark at the phrase, "what the
computers say seems to have very little to do with reality." For a moment,
he considered railing Medical, but reconsidered when he thought that the poor
fellow was probably quite frustrated, and the letter was after all a form of
catharsis. It might be amusing to see his device, anyway.
On
the way home that evening, Mark happened to look up as the evening jet from
Sydney whistled overhead. It always went over about the time he was waiting for
the 4:08:30, and usually he just accepted it as a
part of the trip home. But today he watched it out of sight, disturbing little
thoughts stirring in his brain. Supposing the jet had gone overhead without
making that seltzer-bottle noise, on antigravity beams— would he have noticed?
He felt sure he would have, and that everyone else would have, too. He could
just picture the mass uneasiness, feel the surging emotions.
That evening at supper he was unusually
silent, and the next morning his wife had to go talk it over with the family
psych. It had been quite a shock to her, for she had been planning exactly how
she was going to tell him about the letter from her sister, which in itself was
an unexpected, and therefore unpleasant, event. When John had failed to spend
three-quarters of an hour reading the paper after she had set the dishes to
wash, and had turned on the news-broadcast instead, her whole pattern had been
disrupted. John himself even seemed a little upset that morning, but he refused
to go to the psych with her.
By
the time Monday morning came around again, and then Tuesday morning, John Mark
had pretty well forgotten that he was going to have a visitor. His wife had
fully recovered, having found that she could make up for the insecurity by
making a few purchases recommended by the psych, and repeating phrases G-36-992
and -9973 several times to herself before she went to sleep. She had used those
particular passages from the Auto-Correction Book before, with equally fine
results.
Just
about lunch-time, Mark remembered the phrase, "what the computers say has
very little to do with reality." It startled him, and he began to get
confused, wondering why on earth he would think a thing like that. Fortunately
there was a Healthview machine nearby,- and after watching his favorite actress
for a few moments he was quite calm again. He ate lunch and returned calmly to
his desk, where he resumed the coding.
Roughly
halfway between lunch and quitting-time he remembered that Norris was due any
moment. What made him remember was Norris, who walked through the door precisely
at two o'clock.
"Are
you Mark?" Norris asked. He had a briefcase in his hand, upon which Mark's
eyes fastened helplessly.
"John
Mark, yes—how do you do?" Mark said rapidly. Remembering his manners, he
waved at the visitor's chair. "Sit down. Well, sir, is there some
difficulty I can help you iron out?" (He vaguely remembered a psych saying
that to him,
once.)
"Nuts,"
Norris said. "You no more care about helping me out than you care to slit
your own throat. I brought the model."
Norris never questioned that Mark knew who he
was, and Mark did not even think of asking.
'"Where
is it?" Mark asked,
his heart beginning to pound and his eyes
still darting to the briefcase.
Norris
paused and looked at Mark with what might have been pity for an instant. Then
he shrugged and gave the briefcase a shove toward Mark. It sailed silently
through the air in a straight line toward Mark's head. There was, apparently,
nothing holding it up.
Mark
stared uncomprehendingly at the approaching brown rectangle. His mind kept
supplying briefcase after briefcase, all leaving the one in the air and
following a neat parabola to the floor, but the real one kept demanding his
attention. Something began whispering in his mind, becoming momentarily more
desperate.
"For every action
there is an equal and opposite reaction."
"You'll fall, you'll
fall!"
"Section
356, Paragraph 9, Subhead A: Gravity is—" "I swear to uphold the tenets of
Security and Welfare—" "Remember, son, there is always a computer to
turn to—" And then, quite unbidden, "What the computers say seems
to have very little to do with reality."
And then his hands reached
up involuntarily and received
the briefcase, and he felt it for an instant,
and fainted. As soon as he opened his eyes again, he heard Norris say,
"Are you going to do that again ?"
"No," he said. He
picked himself up out of the visitor's
chair where Norris had evidently put him, and drank the
water that Norris held out to him. His face burned with
shame, and he felt terribly depressed.
"Do you believe me now?" Norris said. "Get out. Please,"
Mark said.
"Nuts,"
Norris said. "Not after eighteen years and two weeks. I am going to get
this fog-bound outfit to grant me permission to apply my device to various
forms of transportation, or I am going to know the reason why."
"But
it's absolutely impossible," Mark whispered. "There is no possible
way that you could develop an antigravity device. The laws of physics—"
"Look,
friend," Norris said, somewhat more patiently, "who made up those
laws of physics?"
"Why—nobody.
The computers deduced them from the basic facts of the universe."
"And
who said that those were the basic facts of the universe?"
"Why—that's ridiculous." Mark shook
his head in confusion. "The basic facts are the basic facts. It doesn't
matter who discovered them, they're still basic."
Norris
pointed silently to the briefcase—it was drifting between the desk and the
water cooler, being accelerated slowly by the slight draft from the
air-conditioner. Mark looked only for an instant and then averted his eyes.
"That
is a very disturbing illusion," he said, "and you know that illusions
are illegal. I request you to explain it at once, rationally."
"You
can't get out, can you?" Norris said, relaxing. "I can't convince you
that there's no trick, no illusion?"
"Why
should I even try to let you?" Mark said desperately. "There's no
point in it. It can't happen, so why should you try to convince me? I don't
understand."
"What
don't you understand?" Norris asked, going over and retrieving the
briefcase. "You can see this—what is there to understand about it?"
"But
I know what I can see!" Mark said desperately, feeling crazily like
crying.
"Let
me state it as simply as I can," Norris said. "In this briefcase I
have a device which nullifies the attraction of the earth. It is adjusted so
that it exactly balances out the weight of the briefcase. There is nothing
inside the briefcase but the device, and there is nothing else holding up the
briefcase. Therefore I have an antigravity device. Furthermore, I wish to make
some money from it, as I have practically starved my fool head off for eighteen
years and two weeks working on the silly thing. It no longer impresses me. All
I care about now is being extremely wealthy so I do not have to starve while I
am inventing my force-field. Do you understand that?"
"But
you can't invent a force-field either!" Mark gasped, feeling ill.
"According to the laws of physics, there can be no—"
"The
laws of physics again," Norris said. "I am not going to throw away my
plans just because some bollixed-up computer says I can't see something
obvious."
Mark
felt something cold seize his chest. He whispered, "I could have you
thrown in prison for that. You shouldn't say things like that. The laws of
physics are all that preserve our sanity toward the real universe. There is no
other way of looking at reality that will not lead to psychosis—you know that
as well as I do. It's one of the basic facts of life."
"And
I suppose the computers figured that out
for you, too?" Norris said. "And did the computers also tell you to
believe everything the computers said? Now who do you suppose told you to
believe the computers when they computed that you should believe them—the computers? Nuts."
"Nuts
is an archaic expression," Mark said," dazed. He gripped his desk
with both hands. "You need a trip to your psych. You ought to go right
away, your mind is in danger. Stop it, please. You are destroying my faith in
everything I believe in."
"Why
do you have faith in it?" Norris asked. "Because you were told to have faith in it? Do you ever think for yourself?"
Mark
gasped, "You're psychotic!" and reached for the buzzer on his desk.
Norris caught his wrist.
"That
won't do any good. I can rate triple-A on any psychometric. I am not
psychotic—and neither are you—the only trouble is that you've accepted a very
limited reality, and you've done it because you're afraid not to. Why is it so
painful for you to look at this?" He indicated the briefcase.
Mark
took a deep breath and got a grip on his tottering sense of reality. Quite
carefully, he turned to the only source of comfort he could find:
"The
law of gravity needs no proof. It has been tested thousands of times by
competent authority, and it has been proven to be just what the computers say
it is—mutual attraction between any two
material bodies."
And
another: "We
can consider the subject of
the law of gravity to be closed. No further data is needed at this time by the
computer, and the computer is so designed as to indicate when more data is
needed to keep the system self-consistent and in accord with the real
universe." That sentence appeared in nearly the same form, although with
different contexts, in nearly every section in the "Book of All
Knowledge."
Mark
had completed his reading of the "Book of All Knowledge" years ago,
and remembered only the basic principles of it, but he knew that somewhere was
the knowledge and the logic that would prove this incredible man with his
incredible toy to be a faker, an illusionist, a psychotic. If he could only
remember more— In the midst of his whirling confusion he had a sudden
inspiration.
"Look,"
he said, suddenly reasonable, "I suppose it is unfair of me to doubt my
eyes. But there might be one thing you haven't thought of. What do you suppose
the other departments will say? After all, this is a rather
revolutionary"—he felt a twinge inside—"device, and they should be
consulted."
Norris
objected immediately, as Mark knew he would. "But this device is concerned
purely with the laws of physics and mechanics—it has nothing to do directly
with the other departments. You know that nobody asking permission to apply an
invention has to submit to the approval of the whole RGC!"
Mark
smiled. "You yourself said that this device does not seem to be covered by
the recognized data in the department of physics. Since it doesn't, we must
investigate all the data ana make as fair a decision as possible."
"All
right," Norris said, "go ahead. But remember, I'll be right here to
make sure you tell them what you've seen. Tell tbem it doesn't fall."
Mark
went to the intercom unit and punched the "Psych" button. He said,
"I have a man here who says he has invented an antigravity device. No . .
. wait a moment ... he has brought a
briefcase with him that floats in the air. Yes. No apparent support. Quite
interesting, but there is nothing in the laws of physics to justify it. Can't
really throw the fellow out for owning it, but what do you think about granting
permission to apply it to various forms of transportation ?"
Norris
moved closer and caught the answer. "Absolutely not. I don't even have to
put it into the computer."
Norris
looked pained, and the voice went on. "Antigravity would cause widespread
insecurity that "would wreck the system. Can't go around destroying
reality like that, you know. Tell the fellow he had better hide the thing and
forget about it. Tell him he can come up here for a little talk if he wants to.
Must have been quite traumatic, inventing a thing like that. Is he there
now?"
"Yes,
I'm here!" Norris said into the intercom. "What do you mean, it must
have been quite traumatic? I enjoyed every minute of it. Are you trying to tell
me I can't do it?"
"Well,
if you put it that way, sir, yes. That is exactly what we will have to do. Of
course, you can appeal this decision, and we will feed the data into the
computer. However, I can tell you that the Psych-section computer is set to
reject automatically anything that interferes with the decisions of the
Physical-Sciences computer. I'm afraid you'd better go spend a few weeks with a
tri-di Healthview machine or turn your talents to something more productive.
After all, there is practically an infinite number of undiscovered connections
among the data in the 'Book of All Knowledge.' The computers only know what
could be found there—fascinating things."
"All
right, that's all," Norris said. "Oh—if Physics changed their
decision about antigravity, would you change yours?"
"Probably,"
the man said, "but of course we'd have to check with Medical, too. After
all, the physical health of our people is just as important as their mental
health these days."
Medical was quick and to the point: they
happened to contact a man with a good memory.
"No,
we've had these calls before, Mark. The decision is straightforward. Seems that
a Dr. Summers about fifty years ago fed the data into a computer just to see
what would happen and found that no human being could withstand the stresses of
antigravity flight. Plays hob with the endocrine balance, the blood pressure,
respiration rate, and so on. Anyhow, we have a lot of data from Psych that
says that introduction of a nonphysical thing like that would immediately
produce mass psychosis. What did Commerce say?"
"Haven't
called them yet," Mark said, smiling. "Well, thanks, see you later,
Jirrr." He punched another button.
"Yeah,
this is Commerce. What sort of thing? . . . Holy cow, it gives me the creeps to
think about it! . . . No, I don't think we've ever computed anything like that
before; wait a minute—the channel you need is open right now. Be right
back."
After
a wait of several minutes, the voice resumed, shaken. "Listen, you'd
better confiscate that gadget. If it ever got out, the whole system would go
right down to a security rating with zeros after the decimal point. It's
poison! The computer isn't even set up to handle a new form of transportation—the
fuel and loading capacities figure in, and a lot of other factors. I fed in antigravity as a fact, and the charts came out looking all
bloody. No go."
Norris didn't bother to
reply to that one.
Mark
noticed the silence and asked, "Do you want me to call Communications and
Law and Transport and Philosophy?"
"No,"
Norris said, rather sadly, looking at the floating briefcase. "You
absolutely can't see, can you?"
"It's all perfectly plain," Mark
said. "The device just does not belong in this world. Even if it were real
it would still be the worst possible thing that could happen. You know what
you're trying to do to the system, don't you?"
"I know," Norris
said.
"Now
look, don't take it so hard. I know these things seem awfully important at the
time, but you'll forget about it soon enough. Why, there are thousands of
things that are desperately needed, and anyone who could create an illusion as
convincing as that could certainly make all the money he wants producing
devices that the computers will permit.
You're just all caught up in this thing, and all you need is to get away from
it for a while. After all, eighteen years—"
"Yes,
eighteen years. And two weeks." Norris laughed shortly. "Are you
really convinced that what you are saying is supposed to make me feel better?"
"Norris,
you are attacking the basic human drive, the urge to-be secure, to be safe, to
be taken care of. If you take away people's desire for security, then you have
left them nothing to live for. Don't you see that ?"
"Have you tried not
wanting security?" Norris asked.
"Don't
be ridiculous." Mark started to feel uncomfortable again. "Why should
I deliberately drive myself psychotic?"
"How do you know
you're not?" Norris asked quietly.
Mark
stared at him a long moment; he knew that that was an old, old gimmick, but
suddenly he could not remember what the logical answer to it was supposed .to
be. Norris, watching him closely, sighed and began.
"Why do you believe
the computers?"
"Because they give me
my security."
"Why do you need
security?"
"Security
is a basic drive. There is no why to it." Mark was staring out the window,
feeling strangely 'caught
in something, in some web
of thought that Norris was weaving.
"How do you know that
it is basic?"
"The computers say it
is. All the computers say so."
"Who decided that the
computers would say that?"
"Nobody. It's a basic
fact."
"How do you know it's
a basic fact?"
"The computers say it
is."
"Who
decided the computers would say it is?" "Nobody. The computers. I
don't know!" "How can you find out?"
"I
don't want to find out" "Why not?"
"The
computers will provide an answer if I need it." "Who said that you
have to go to the computers for an answer? The computers?" "Leave me
alone." 'Why should I leave you alone?"
Mark broke free for a moment, and shouted,
"Get out of here! You're trying to drive me crazy." "What do you
mean by crazy?"
"You're
crazy! You're trying to destroy the reality of the computers!"
"Why
shouldn't I destroy the reality of the computers?"
"It's
all in the "Book of All Knowledge'. I don't want to answer any more
questions."
"Who
wrote the 'Book of All Knowledge'?"
"The
computers, the computers! You know all these things, why are you doing this?
Please get out of here."
"What
are you afraid of having happen? Are you starting to think?"
Mark
ran to the door and wrenched it open. "Please. Get out, or I will have you
arrested."
Norris
stood up, gathering his briefcase to him. At the door, he turned to the dazed
and trembling Mark and said very clearly, "You will continue thinking
about this." And he left. A second later he was gone, and Mark sank into
the visitor's chair.
He
tried to think, but all that came to his mind was the series of questions and
answers, each time nagging at something in his brain as though something there
was whispering, "It's so obvious, so obvious!"
|
It
lasted all through that night, and all the next day, and on into the night
after that. About two o'clock in the morning, after he had used the last of
his strength in trying to sleep, in trying to think of the lake shores and the
mountains, and the Healthviews, in trying to be unconscious, in trying to die,
he began to weep.
strangely |
toward
the gates. He |
They
took him to the asylum a week later. He was
watched
silently as they filled out the dozens of forms, the assignments, the
agreements, the legal trivia. As they ap-
E |
roached the great gray building he began to
smile, and as e waited in the anteroom to be checked in, he chuckled.
Walking
through the long series of locked and barred doors, he guffawed, and while the
attendant spun the dials on the last and most ponderous door, he held his sides
and roared. That was over soon, and he took a deep breath, like a man who has
swum a long way under water. When the door swung wide, he gasped.
Norris
looked up from the workbench, gestured at the huge, gleaming laboratory, the
scurrying white-coated men, the racks of equipment, thepanels studded with
jacks and meters, and said, grinning, "welcome to the loony bin."
Soap Opera
by
Alan Nelson
You
may note that there is a slight family resemblance between this story of a tomorrow m outdoor advertising and
Arthur C. Clarke's Silence, Please! earlier in this book. Read this one and then
compare British (Clarke's) and American (Nelson's) methods of satirizing our business civilization. ... By the way, weren't there some Hems in the newspapers not so long ago about
the indestructibility of suds made by
certain types of non-soap detergents?
Some people's septic tanks being clogged, ana certain sewer line outlets appearing
as if they were foaming at the mouth?
Maybe truth can be stranger than, or at least as strange as,
fiction!
N |
o history
of that dizzy decade, the
1970's, would be complete without mention of the celebrated "Schizoid
Skywriter' episode which threw the city of San Francisco into such a turmoil
for three absurd days in September 1973 and provided more confusion and garbled
news copy than any other event in the whole period. Briefly the facts are
these.
On
August 27, 1973, a fuming little man with a shock of white hair and tan shoes
strutted down a long corridor, pushed open a door marked
"Advertising" and buzzing like an angry wasp, made for the window,
slammed it open, leaned out and frowned skyward.
This was H. J. Spurgle, owner and founder of
the H. J.
Spurgle
Soap Company (manufacturers of the all-purpose household cleanser known as git
!) and his scowl was
directed at three freshly skywritten slogans hovering smokily above the San
Francisco skyline:
git gets grime
grime
doesn't pay get git!
git's got guts
Close behind him was his private secretary
Nita Kribbert, a luscious brunette with a careful hairdo, who was uttering
soothing noises.
"Who's
responsible for that.1"
Spurgle snarled as he withdrew
his head from the window and pointed a gnarled finger upward. His face was
unnaturally red, as though scrubbed too vigorously.
Eleven advertising staff members blinked
anxiously and peered out. "I am."
Spurgle
whirled and glowered at the gaunt, uneasy young man in a leather jacket who had
just entered the room.
"Well,
that's just about the worst skywriting I've ever seen," Spurgle growled,
walking slowly toward him with a watch in his hand. "Your letters started
falling apart in less than 30 seconds."
"But
the breeze, sir. . . ." Everett Mordecai interposed, glancing miserably at
Nita.
"Breeze
or no breeze," Spurgle thundered. "I'm not paying you to trail a lot
of smoke across the sky that nobody can read. Why I could do better with a 30
cent cigar. Tune the smoke mixture up a bit, man! I want more permanence in
those letters! Understand? Permanence!"
Wretchedly,
Mordecai glanced first at the angry little man, then at the lovely Nita and
wondered if this was the end of everything. Hired five months ago as a research
chemist, everything had gone wrong. The very first week he'd blown up a small
laboratory in an unauthorized experiment designed to produce a "quick
action" hand soap. Transferred into accounting, bis experimental ink
eradicator had almost completely dissolved an entire ledger "before the
horrified section chief. Brief hitches in sales and traffic proved equally disastrous.
And now this miserable
assignment as skywriter was about to blow up too. And right in front of Nita.
The prospect was unendurable. For months he'd been following the gorgeous and
elusive creature around like a stunned and abject slave —now she'd marry him,
now she wouldn't. I can't stand a failure, she'd told him early in the game.
Give me a man on his way up. But the harder he tried, the worse things got.
Already he'd lost ten pounds. Already the pit of his stomach frizzled from
morning to night like a perpetually erupting test tube.
"Permanence!" Spurgle was shouting.
"Is that dear?" Wretchedly, Mordecai watched the angry little man
bounce out of the office.
Nita remained a moment.
"Keep trying," she smiled encouragingly.
After Mordecai wrote his usual message, got
grit?—get git!,
at 2000 feet, he fluttered the helicopter in, crawled out of the cockpit, and
walked over to Nita and Mr. Spurgle who were waiting for him by the side of the
hangar.
"Everett!"
Nita cried, moving forward to meet him. "For two weeks I've been trying to
reach you! Where on earth have you been ?"
"Leave
of absence," Mordecai answered tensely. He was thinner, haggard; dark
pouches quivered beneath both eyes.
"I have something to tell you," she
began.
"Perhaps,
young man," Spurgle interrupted impatiently, "you' 11 tell me what
this is all about." He glanced at an interoffice memo fluttering in his
hand. "Just why
is it so urgent that I be
on the landing fidd this morning at 11?"
Mordecai
hauled out a stop watch, turned his eyes upward to the slogan he'd just
written.
"Possibly you'd like to tiny, these letters, . . ."
Automatically
Spurgle gazed up too. The letters, still firm, still strong and perfectly
formed, seemed to be settling earthward, undisturbed by the brisk breeze that
scudded across the fidd.
"They're corning down," Nita
gasped. Spurgle frowned and stared, waiting for them inevitably to dissolve and
disappear. But they didnt.
Like
great soggy balloons, the letters gradually descended, becoming larger and
dearer as they drifted doser, and finally when they landed on the field,
bounced gently several times and lay quiet.
Silently the three walked over to the slogan.
Spurgle kicked at the letter G in git! It was a monstrous white thing, ten feet
thick, half a city block long, composed of a flexible, elastic substance that
resembled something between jello and foam rubber, yet which was opaque and so
light that despite its size, Mordecai could pick the entire letter up with one
hand. He balanced the G on his palm a moment.
"You asked for permanence_____ '
Then
Mordecai tilted his hand; the giant letter slid off, bounced crazily on the
ground, shuddered like some monstrous coiled snake and lay gently quivering.
Nita found the dot to the I—a tremendous white sphere the size of a two car
garage—and was bouncing it off the side of the hangar.
Spurgle frowned and rubbed
his jowls.
"What's
this stuff made of?" he finally asked, grabbing a corner of the G and
compressing an entire cross bar into his hand. When he released the pressure it
sprang back to its original shape.
"Oh,
it's just a little synthetic rubber derivative with a dash of neoprene and a
couple of jiggers of koroseal . . ."
"Never
mind," Spurgle cried, growing more and more irritable. He withdrew a
knife, opened it, started sawing away at an edge of the T. "I'll send it
to the lab, have it analyzed."
But
the stuff just wouldn't cut. Twice Spurgle plunged the knife into the rubbery
substance up to his armpits, but it was like trying to puncture a sponge with a
potato masher.
"Well,
I must admit, it's a neat trick," he growled uncertainly. "But
unfortunately I decided only last week to ditch the whole skywriting campaign.
After all, this is 1973 and skywriting is pretty much a thing of the past.
Clever twist, this—I must admit. But I'm afraid it just doesn't have any
impact. No one skywrites anymore."
He glanced at his watch,
then turned to Nita.
"Good
lord, Nita. You'd better pick up the tickets. We've got exactly 25 minutes."
Nita
lingered just long enough to touch Mordecai gently on the sleeve.
"Keep
trying," she said smiling, then hurried off across the field.
"As
I say, Mordecai," Spurgle continued. "It's a nice try but I'm afraid
you have another stinker here. When I get back from my honeymoon I'll try to
find another spot for you— the shipping department perhaps...."
"Honeymoon?" Mordecai echoed with a
premonition of disaster.
"Why,
yes," Spurgle said, allowing his face to relax a moment as he gazed after
the disappearing figure of Nita. "Nita and I are on our way to Palm
Springs right now. But I shouldn't say anything about it. It's a
secret ..."
Dazedly,
Mordecai watched Spurgle stride off toward the administration building; then
with a low moan that seemed to rack his whole body, he hauled off and booted
the exclamation point clear off the landing field.
Those are the events that lead up to the
three wildest and most bizarre days in San Francisco history. Whether
Mordecai's subsequent actions were the result of a frustrated personality gone
berserk or merely a last-ditch attempt to "keep trying" has been
debated for nearly twenty years.
The
San Francisco Chronicle
dated September 14, 1973,
carried this dispatch on page one:
Residents in scattered portions of the city
were surprised early this morning by the appearance of huge rubbery letters
leaning against the eaves of houses, clogging backyards and blocking street
car tracks. In the downtown area, a huge elastic "O" ringed the Shell
building like a quoit on a peg and was wedged at the sixteenth floor by an
extended flag pole. The Atlas Foundry reported one of its huge brick smoke
stacks obstructed by a large white sphere.
Meteorologist Fred Ballard could not
immediately identify the source of the phenomenon but thought the objects
might be by-products of a new atomic development project located somewhere in
the vicinity.
Toward morning the drizzle seemed to be
increasing and had already created a nuisance in several sections due to
difficulty in disposing of them. Impossible to cut, burn or deflate, the
letters could only be moved; and the big question was—where? Vacant l°ts in
certain districts were loaded and police reported squabbles breaking out
between neighbors over tossing the things over back fences...
It was not until the second morning that San
Franciscans discovered to their ire that the phenomenon—still falling steadily
—was
not an atomic by-product, but an old advertising stunt with a new twist. For
while previously Mordecai had dropped individual letters, now he was connecting
them up in a flourishing Pelman script; slogans fell as a unit, and all too
clearly people could read the get git!'s as they drifted downward and covered the city
like a blanket of snow.
Moreover,
the size was increasing. A single git's got guts, for instance, fitted perfectly into Van
Ness avenue from Golden Gate to Post street, and scour
with power— git's got it! which landed upend in Kezar stadium stuck out like a spoon in a bowl
of soup.
The
angry, protesting howl that welled up that second morning—the morning of
"Frantic Friday"—was a demonstration of civic indignation that will
probably never be equalled. Inevitably, the Spurgle Soap Company was on the
receiving end of the point-blank blast.
Forty
thousand irate housewives dialled Spurgle's almost simultaneously, and the four
benumbed operators on duty at the plant, overwhelmed by the avalanche, simply
laid down their headpieces, watched the flashing switchboard in awe a few
moments longer, then quietly slunk out.
Outside,
an ugly crowd estimated at between 10 and 20,000 milled beyond the wire fence, shouting and
occasionally heaving bricks into the yard.
It
was not until almost 11 a.m.
that the citizen's
committee of seven headed by Mayor Randolph Rockwell, a rotund man with
vertical lines in his face, shouldered its way through this crowd, and at
length strode into the panelled office or H. J. Spurgle. They found Spurgle in
a cold rage, rocking himself gently in his swivel chair, face nearly purple,
trying desperately to control a fit of the shakes.
"Who's
responsible for that?"
Rockwell snarled, going immediately
to the window and pointing a finger skyward. "I demand you put a stop to
this outrageous publicity stunt at once!"
It was a moment before
Spurgle could find his voice.
"Put
a stop to it!" he screamed. "Don't you think I'd like to? First it
ruined my wedding. Now, my business. Put a stop to it? HOW?"
"Call your man down,
that's how."
Spurgle cackled
mirthlessly.
"You
call him down. The man's
gone completely mad! The only way you're going to get him down is shoot him
down."
A man with a briefcase stepped forward.
"Nevertheless,
Spurgle," he stated in cold, judicial tones, "as city attorney I must
warn you the man is on your pay roll and therefore we're holding you legally
responsible."
"What
do you mean—legally responsible!" Spurgle shouted. "Spurgle company
has a perfectly valid 1973 city skywriting license. It's not legal
responsibility I'm worried about. I'm in the clear there." He rummaged a
moment in the desk, came up with a document, tossed it across to the city
attorney who examined it carefully. Presently he began to shake his head and
frown.
"This
seems to be in perfect order," he said. "Frankly, gentlemen, I'm at a
loss to know just what ordinance is being
violated, except possibly the anti-smog regulation. This whole Luing,
unfortunately, appears perfectly legal."
There was an embarrassing silence.
"How long can he stay
up there?" someone asked.
"Months,"
Spurgle answered sadly. "Both our helicopters are atomic powered."
"But
the supply of ... of rubber or
whatever it is he uses," Mayor Rockwell cried plaintively. "Surely
that isn't inexhaustible. What about that, Cliff—you're City Engineer."
"Haven't
had time yet to analyze the stuff," a stolid man in a blue serge answered.
"But I can tell you this. There's more solid rubber in an ordinary golf
ball than there is in an entire slogan. It's like the sugar in those sugar
fluff candy cones they sell at the beach—a little goes a long way. If the man
happened to take along three or four hundred pounds of old rubber tires, for
instance, there's no telling how long he could spin them out."
"Maybe
we'd better shoot him down then," Chief of Police
Guire said.
"No!
No!" the city attorney replied testily. "Didn't you hear me say he's
committing no crime? Writing obscene literature in public places—yes. But
shoot him down for that and the city would have a suit on its hands for half a
million dollars."
Mayor
Rockwell, who had been looking flustered, stopped chewing on the earpiece of
his spectacles, cleared his throat and turned to a thin, frowning man.
"Well, Ed, it looks as
if this is your
baby."
"Very
definitely it is not a matter of Civilian Defense," the man
answered irritably. "We're not being attacked. Personally I think it's up
to the Civil Aeronautics Commission."
"Absolutely
not!" a short man answered from the background. 'This is a local matter,
pure and simple. Perhaps the gentleman from the Better Business Bureau has a
suggestion . . ."
"Just get that madman down!" Spurgle shrilled.
Meanwhile, outside, the city wallowed deeper
and deeper in the torrent of slogans. Toward afternoon, Mordecai, obviously
tiring of the shopworn phrases, began making up some of his own:
GIT CONTAINS TRI-SODIUM
PHENO-BARBITO-HYPRR-CLOROSOL AND IS MADE BY REACTING POLY-HYDRIC 'ALCOHOLS WITH
POLYBASIC ACIDS,
for
instance, extended from the east slope of Twin Peaks all the way down Market
street to the Embarcadero.
And
for a brief spell, possibly under the influence of the bottle, there rained a
strangely garbled series of messages like:
NITA
KRIBBERT IS FAST, EASY, SAFE AND DOESN'T REDDEN THB HANDS.
H.
J. SPURGLE REQUIRES ABSOLUTELY NO RINSING. HAPPY WEDDING DAY TO GIT!
By
dusk of the second day, the downtown area was completely paralyzed. All
traffic had stopped. Rubber letters completely smothered every street, lay
crazily across roof tops, stacked up on one another like a gigantic, disordered
wood pile. Only the peaks of the highest buildings were visible.
The
following eye-witness account by Edgar Fogleman, Wells Fargo bank clerk, is
quoted from the November, 1973, issue
of Glimpse:
"... I
wasn't sure whether the bank was going to open or not but I started walking to
work anyway. It got worse as I approached the financial district.
"I don't know how to describe it except
it was like walking through a bubble bath. There was plenty of light and air
down there but it was very easy to get lost because you'd go to turn a corner,
then find it wasn't a corner, but just the end of a letter.
"No one was scared or panicky because
the things were easy to move if they got in your way—but everybody was
confused and very mad.
"When I got to Montgomery and California
some guy in an arm band told me every able-bodied man in the district was being
drafted to haul the things out of there. I was assigned to a crew with three
others and we started dragging one of the big things through a narrow lane
they'd cleared toward the water front. They weren't too hard to carry but very
awkward and hard to get a hold of.
"After
about four hours the Embarcadero
got so jammed we couldn't
even get close to the bay any more. We hung around a wnile longer, then the man
in charge told us to go home, that they were going to try to haul the things
down the peninsula by auto caravan. . . ."
Two hours previously, the mayor of Oakland
just across the bay, in a gaudy display of civic friendship, dispatched to the
scene over 500 boy scouts who were having their annual jamboree on the shores
of Lake Merritt. The following excerpt is quoted from a letter later written
by Scoutmaster Jerrold Danielsen to the National Chairman of Boy Scouts of
America and printed with the permission of Mr. Danielsen:
".
. . wish to take exception to your letter reprimanding the Hedgehog Patrol for
'conduct unbecoming to Scouts,' as you put it. It is true our boys became lost
and wandered about for over three hours, but I think it is to their credit
they didn't lose their heads completely. After all, being lost in a forest and
being lost in a maze of rubber letters are two different things—I might remind
you it was impossible to cut notches in the trunks of these slogans.
"As
to your statement about 'building rampfires on every street comer and adding to
the general confusion,' I will point out these rampfires were used to make
hunter's stew and boosted the morale of over fifteen hungry San Franciscans
(by actual count) with whom it was shared.
"So far as your claims
that..."
The city police had, of course, long since
been given orders to "find and bring down that madman." There was
little difficulty in finding him. Sergeant Mulrooney reported back within the
hour that
Mordecai
was barrelling around at 5000 feet,
trailing a funny-looking liquid rubber that solidified almost immediately.
"But
how we going to get him down if we can't shoot him down?" he
asked. "We can't get dose enough to force him down—all he has to do is
duck behind one of his own sentences."
And
by nightfall of "Frantic Friday" Mordecai not only was still roaming
the skies, but had added a new ingredient —fluorescence.
BRIGHTEN
YOUR SINKS AND WASH BASINS WITH H. J. SPURGLE.
The slogan glowed with a purple brilliance
and finally nestled obscenely against the Museum of Modern Art. From then on
the night sky was brilliant with great glowing gobs of green, orange and
vermillion which settled and infested everything with a weird and garish
phosphorescence.
And
then at 5:17
a.m. on the third day, when all San Frandsco lay
under a quivering blanket of technicolor, there was an abrupt cessation of
descending slogans. A pregnant lull ensued for a full five minutes. Suddenly a
different type of message flashed across the sky.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
TO FOLLOW1
Several hundred thousand anxious eyes scanned
the blackness above, waiting hopefully. Finally it came.
GET SCRAMMO THE NEW SOAP POWDER
It was dosely followed by another.
SCRAMMO
MAKES GIT! SCRAM
The several hundred thousand watchers, not
understanding, not caring much mote, their eyes strained and bloodshot, turned
away in weary disgust and took once more to the task of digging out.
That was the last message ever to be
skywritten across San Frandsco's skyline.
Perhaps
the denouement can best be described by reprinting an excerpt of an interview
with Millie Speicher, housewife, residing at 2390 Washington street, as published in the September 23, 1973, issue
of the San Francisco News:
... I was at 14th and Market about 9 a.m.
Saturday when I noticed
this vacant warehouse with a big sign reading: "GET YOUR SCRAMMO
HERE."
I
remembered the slogan earlier this morning about SCRAMMO and went in. The place
was crammed with stacks of five pound packages in plain paper sacks. The clerk
told me to buy one and try the contents on one of the GIT! slogans.
Outside,
I opened the package and sprinkled a little of it on the nearest GIT! slogan.
Instantly, the whole thing disintegrated with a little pop. I told some other
people about it and in less than fifteen minutes there was a line in front of
that store clear to the ferry building.
By
noon that day I didn't see a single GIT! sign. All that was left was a thin
layer of gray powder that covered almost everything but which the firemen
washed down the street drains with fire hoses. It really is wonderful stuff ...
Thus ended the "Schizoid Skywriter"
incident, an episode San Francisco has tried vainly to live down for twenty
years.
There
are those who insist that Mordecai really did go off his rocker, that his were
the actions of a madman, and that he came to a merciful end when his helicopter
was damaged and plunged somewhere into the Pacific
But
others are not quite so sure.
They
point to some rather significant facts:
First,
that the manufacturers of git! really were forced out of business by
popular demand.
Second,
that scrammo, which skyrocketed to popularity after its
dramatic performance on git ! signs that third day, appeared at a
suspiciously apropos time.
Third,
that the newly formed scrammo company was operated for years thereafter by
a dummy board of directors, the real power, rarely, if ever, making a public
appearance.
As
for Nita Kribbert, the following two excerpts may be of interest, the first of
which appeared in the San Francisco Examiner classified
section under Personals, on November 14, 1973:
ev! where are you? how
could you believe i ever
intended marrying h. j. ? all a horrible mlx-up.
can explain everything. please call! kribbie
The second appeared in San Francisco Night Life
(February, 1973):
".
. . yes, I'm on my way to be married. But I can't tell you where or to whom or
anything! It's a big secret! All I can say is that he's young and handsome and
on his way up.
"Is it true that I once started to elope
with H.J. Spurgle? Absolutely NOT! We did start
out for a wedding but not to mine. H.J.
was on his way to marry someone he met in Arizona and he asked me to accompany
him in the capacity of private secretary and later to fill in as bridesmaid.
Then the bombardment of GIT! slogans broke loose and everything was off. How do
these stupid rumors get started anyway ?
"Right now I'm very
happy ..."
One other footnote to the whole bizarre
sequence: Only two years ago, Consumers' Research had this to say about scrammo:
. .
. Hysteria buying of SCRAMMO by housewives zoomed this product into one of the
fastest selling household soap products on the market, a position it has
maintained for over fifteen years. This, despite our own laboratory tests which
have repeatedly shown that SCRAMMO is entirely worthless on sinks, tubs,
enamel, porcelains, linoleum or apparently anything else save for the purpose it
was originally intended: destroying GIT! slogans.
Shipping Clerk
by
William Morrison
Where
Silence, Please! and Soap Opera belong
to the satirical school of science
fiction humor, this tale is pure farce— in my
book, a great deal border to write well than almost any other kind of fantasy or humor. Mr. Morrison's deft touch has avoided all the pitfalls that are dug before this difficult approach to fiction,
and the result is a hilarious picture of
a Wonderful Alien Invention's effects
on a human nonentity.
I |
F there
had ever been a time when
Ollie Keith hadn't been hungry, it was so far in the past that he couldn't remember
it. He was hungry now as he walked through the alley, his eyes shifting
lusterlessly from one heap of rubbish to the next. He was hungry through and
through, all one hundred and forty pounds of him, the flesh distributed so
gauntly over his tall frame that in spots it seemed about to wear through, as
his clothes had. That it hadn't done so in forty-two years sometimes struck
Ollie as in the nature of a miracle.
He
worked for a junk collector and he was unsuccessful in his present job, as he
had been at everything else. Ollie had followed the first part of the
rags-to-riches formula with classic exactness. He had been-bom to rags, and
then, as if that hadn't been enough, his parents had died, and he had been left
an orphan. He should have gone to the big city,
found
a job in the rich merchant's counting house, and saved the pretty daughter,
acquiring her and her fortune in the process.
It
hadn't worked out that way. In the orphanage where he had spent so many unhappy
years, both his food and his education had been skimped. He had later been
hired out'to a farmer, but he hadn't Deen strong
enough for farm labor, and he had been sent back.
His
life since then.had followed an unhappy pattern. Lacking strength and skill,
he had been unable to find and hold a good job. Without a good job, he had been
unable to pay for the food and medical care, and for the training he would have
needed to acquire strength and skill. Once, in the search for food and
training, he had offered himself to the Army, but the doctors who examined him
had quickly turned thumbs down, and the Army had rejected him with contempt.
They wanted better human material than that.
How
he had managed to survive at all to the present was another miracle. By this
time, of course, he knew, as the radio comic put it, that he wasn't long for
this world. And to make the passage to another world even easier, he had taken
to drink. Rot gut stilled the pangs of hunger even more effectively than
inadequate food did. And it gave him the first moments of happiness, spurious
though they were, that he could remember.
Now, as he sought through the heaps of
rubbish for usable rags or redeemable milk bottles, bis eyes lighted on something unexpected. Right at the edge of
the curb lay a small nut, species indeterminate. If he had his usual luck, it would turn out
to be withered inside, but at least he could hope for the best.
He picked up the nut, banged it futilely
against the ground, and then looked around for a rock with which to crack it.
None was in sight. Rather fearfully, he put it in his mouth and tried to crack
it between his teeth. His teeth were in as poor condition as the rest of him, and
the chances were that they would crack before the nut did.
The nut slipped and Ollie gurgled, threw his
hands into the air and almost choked. Then he got it out of his windpipe and,
a second later, breathed easily. The nut was in his stomach, still uncracked.
And Ollie, it seemed to him^ was hungrier than ever.
The alley was a failure. His life had been a
progression from rags to rags, and these last rags were inferior to the first.
There were no milk bottles, there was no junk worth salvaging.
At
the end of the alley was a barber shop, and here Ollie had a great and
unexpected stroke of luck. He found a bottle. The bottle was no container for
milk and it wasn't empty. It was standing on a small table near an open window
in the rear of the barber shop. Ollie found that he could get it by simply
stretching out his long, gaunt arm for it, without climbing in through the
window at all.
He
took a long swig, and then another. The liquor tasted far better than anything
he had ever bought.
When he returned the bottle
to its place, it was empty.
Strangely
enough, despite its excellent quality, or perhaps, he thought, because of it, the whiskey failed to have its usual
effect on him. It left him completely sober and dear-eyed, but hungrier than
ever.
In
his desperation, Ollie did something that he seldom dared to do. He went into a
restaurant, not too good a restaurant or he would never have been allowed to
take a seat, and ordered a meal he couldn't pay for.
He
knew what would happen, of course, after he had eaten. He would put on an act
about having lost his money, but that wouldn't fool the manager for more than
one second. If the man was feeling good and needed help, he'd let Ollie work
the price out washing dishes. If he was a little grumpy and had all the dishwashers
he needed, he'd have them boot the tar out of Ollie and then turn him over to
the police.
The
soup was thick and tasty, although tasty in a way that no gourmet would have
appreciated. The mess was food, however, and Ollie gulped it down gratefully.
But it did nothing to satisfy his hunger. Likewise, the stew had every possible
leftover thrown into it, and none of it gave Ollie any feeling of satisfaction.
Even the dessert and the muddy coffee left him as empty as before.
The
waiter had been in the back room with the cook. Now Ollie saw him signal to the
manager, and watched the manager hasten bade He dosed his eyes. They were onto
him; there was no doubt about it For a moment he considered trying to get out
of the front door before they dosed in, but there was another waiter present,
keeping an eye on the patrons, and he knew that he would never make it. He took
a
deep
breath and waited for the roof to fall in on him.
He
heard the manager's footsteps and opened his eyes. The manager said, "Uh—look,
bud, about that meal you ate—"
"Not bad,"
observed Ollie brightly.
"Glad you liked
it."
He
noticed little beads of sweat on the manager's forehead, and wondered what had
put them there. He said, "Only trouble is, it ain't fillin'. I'm just as
hungry as I was before."
"It
didn't fill you up, huh? That's too bad. I'll tell you what I'll do. Rather
than see you go away dissatisfied, I won't charge you for the meal. Not a
cent."
Ollie
blinked. This made no sense whatever. All the same, if not for the gnawing in
his stomach, he would have picked himself up and run. As it was, he said,
"Thanks. Guess in that case I'll have another order of stew. Maybe this
time it'll stick to my ribs."
. "Not the stew," replied the manager nervously. "You had
the last that was left. Try the roast beef."
"Hmm, that's more than
I was gonna spend."
"No charge," said
the manager. "For you, no charge at all."
"Then gimme a double
order. I feel starved."
The
double order went down the hatch, yet Ollie felt just as empty as ever. But he
was afraid to press his luck too far, and after he had downed one more
dessert—also without charge—he reluctantly picked himself up and walked out. He
was too hungry to spend any more time wondering why he had got a free meal.
In
the back room of the restaurant, the manager sank weakly into a chair. "I
was afraid he was going to insist on paying for it. Then we'd really have been
on a spot."
"Guess he was too glad
to get it for free," the cook said.
"Well,
if anything happens to him now, it'll happen away from here."
"Suppose
they take a look at what's in his stomach." "He still won't be able
to sue us. What did you do with the rest of that stew?" "It's in the
garbage."
"Cover
it up. We don't want dead cats and dogs all over the place. And next time you
reach for the salt, make sure there isn't an insect powder label on it."
"It
was an accident; it could happen to anybody," said the cook
philosophically. "You know, maybe we shouldn't have let him go away. Maybe
we should"ve sent him to a doctor."
"And pay his bills? Don't be a sap. From
now oh, he's on his own. Whatever happens to him, we don't know anything about
it We never saw him before."
The only thing that was happening to Ollie
was that he was getting hungrier and hungrier. He had, in fact, never before
been so ravenous. He felt as if he hadn't eaten in years.
He
had met with two strokes of luck—the accessible bottle and the incredibly
generous manager. They had left him just as hungry and thirsty as before. Now
he encountered a third gift of fortune. On the plate glass window of a
restaurant was the flamboyant announcement: bating
contest tonight at monte's restaurant! For the Championship of the World!
Entries Being Taken now! No Charge if you Eat Enough for at Least Three People.
Ollie's
face brightened. The way he felt, he could have eaten enough for a hundred. The
fact that the contestants, as he saw upon reading further, would be limited to
hard-boiled eggs made no difference to him. For once he would have a chance to
eat everything he could get down his yawning gullet
That
night it was dear that neither the judges nor the audience thought much of
Ollie as an eater. Hungry he undoubtedly was, but it was obvious that his
stomach had shrunk from years of disuse, and besides, he didn't have the build
of a bom eater. He was long and skinny, whereas the other contestants seemed
almost as broad and wide as they were tall. In gaining weight, as in so many
other things, the motto seemed to be that those who already had would get more.
Ollie had too little to start with.
In
order to keep the contest from developing an anticlimax, they started with
Ollie, believing that he would be lucky if he ate ten eggs.
Ollie
was so ravenous that he found it difficult to control himself, and he made a
bad impression by gulping the first egg as fast as he could. A real eater would
have let the egg slide down rapidly yet gently, without making an obvious
effort. This uncontrolled, amateur speed, thought the judges, could only lead
to a stomachache.
Ollie
devoured the second egg, the third, the fourth, and the rest of his allotted
ten. At that point, one of the judges asked, "How do you feel?"
"Hungry."
"Stomach hurt?"
"Only from hunger. It feels like it got
nothin' in it. Somehow, them eggs don't £11 me
up."
Somebody
in the audience laughed. The judges exchanged glances and ordered more eggs
brought on. From the crowd of watchers, cries of encouragement came to Ollie.
At this stage, there was still nobody who thought that he had a chance.
Ollie
proceeded to go through twenty eggs, forty, sixty, a hundred. By that time, the
judges and the crowd were in a state of unprecedented excitement.
Again a judge demanded, "How do you
feel?"
"Still hungry. They
don't fill me up at all."
"But
those are large eggs. Do you know how much a hundred of them weigh? Over
fifteen pounds!"
"I don't care how much
they weigh. I'm still hungry."
"Do you mind if we
weigh you?"
"So long as you don't
stop givin' me eggs, okay."
They
brought out a scale and Ollie stepped on it. He weighed one hundred and
thirty-nine pounds, on the nose.
Then
he started eating eggs again. At the end of his second hundred, they weighed
him once more. Ollie weighed one hundred thirty-eight and three-quarters.
The
judges stared at each other and then at Ollie. For a moment the entire audience
sat in awed silence, as if watching a miracle. Then the mood of awe passed.
One
of the judges said wisely, "He palms them and slips them to a
confederate."
"Out
here on the stage?" demanded another judge. "Where's his confederate?
Besides, you can see for youself that he eats them. You can watch them going
down his throat."
"But
that's impossible. If they really went down his throat, he'd gain weight."
"I
don't know how he does it," admitted the other. "But he does."
"The man is a freak.
Let's get some doctors over here."
Ollie
ate another hundred and forty-three eggs, and then had to stop because the
restaurant ran out of them. The other contestants never even had a chance to
get started.
When the doctor came and they told him the
story, his first impulse seemed to be to grin. He knew a practical joke when he
heard one. But they put Ollie on the scales—by this time he weighed only a
hundred thirty-eight and a quarter pounds
—and
fed him a two pound loaf of 'bread. Then they weighed him again.
He was an even one hundred
and thirty-eight.
"At
this rate, he'll starve to death," said the doctor, who opened his little
black bag and proceeded to give Ollie a thorough examination.
Ollie
was very unhappy about it because it interfered with his earing, and he felt
more hungry than ever. But they promised to feed him afterward and, more or
less unwillingly, he submitted.
"Bad
teeth, enlarged heart, lesion on each lung, flat feet, hernia, displaced
vertebrae—you name it and he has it," said the doctor. "Where the
devil did he come from?"
Ollie
was working on an order of roast beef and was too busy to reply.
Somebody
said, "He's a rag-picker. I've seen him around." "When did he
start this eating spree?" With stuffed mouth, Ollie mumbled, 'Today."
'Today, eh? What happened today that makes you able to eat so much?"
"I just feel
hungry."
"I
can see that Look, how about going over to the hospital so we can really
examine you ?"
"No, sir," said
Ollie. "You ain't pokin' no needles into me."
"No
needles," agreed the doctor hastily. If there was no other way to get
blood samples, they could always drug him with morphine and' he'd never know
what had happened. "We'll just look at you. And we'll feed you all you can
eat"
"All I can eat? It's a
deal!"
The humor was crude, but it put the point
across—the photographer assigned to the contest had snapped a picture of Ollie
in the middle of gulping two eggs. One was traveling down his gullet, causing a
lump in his throat, and the other was being stuffed into his mouth at the same
time. The caption writer had entitled the shot: the
man who broke thb icebox at monte's, and the column alongside was headed, Eats Three Hundred and
Forty-three Eggs. "I'm Hungry!" He Says.
Zoltoput
the paper down. "This is the one," he said to his wife. "There
can be no doubt that this person has found it"
"I
knew it was no longer in the alley," said Pojim. Ordinarily a comely
female, she was now deep in thought, and sueceeded in looking beautiful and pensive at
the same time. "How are we to get it back without exciting unwelcome attention?"
"Frankly,"
said Zolto, "I don't know. But we'd better think of a way. He must have mistaken it for a nut and swallowed it.
Undoubtedly the hospital attendants will take X-rays of him and discover it."
"They won't know what
it is."
"They
will operate to remove it, and then they will find out."
Pojim
nodded. "What I don't understand," she said, "is why it had this
effect. When we lost it, it was locked."
"He
must have opened it by accident. Some of these creatures, I have noticed, have
a habit of trying to crack nuts with their teeth. He must have bitten on the
proper switch."
"The
one for inanimate matter? I think, Zolto, that you're right. The stomach
contents are collapsed and passed into our universe through the transfer. But
the stomach itself, being part of a living creature, cannot pass through the
same switch. And the poor creature continually loses weight because of
metabolism. Especially, of course, when he eats."
"Poor
creature, you call him? You're too soft-hearted, Pojim. What do you
think we'll be if we don't get the transfer back ?"
He hunched up his shoulders
and laughed.
Pojim
said, "Control yourself, Zolto. When you laugh, you don't look human, and
you certainly don't sound it."
"What difference does
it make? We're alone."
"You can never tell
when we'll be overheard."
"Don't
change the subject What are we supposed to do about the transfer?"
"We'll
think of a way," said Pojim, but he could see she was worried.
In
the hospital, they had put Ollie into a bed. They had wanted a nurse to bathe
him, but he had objected violently to this indignity, and finally they had sent
in a male orderly to do the job. Now, bathed, shaven and wearing a silly little
nightgown that made him ashamed to look at himself, he was lying in bed,
slowly starving to death.
A
dozen empty plates, the remains of assorted specialties of the hospital, filled
with vitamins and other good things, lay around him. Everything had tasted fine while going down, but nothing
seemed to have stuck to him.
All
he could do was brood about the puzzled and anxious looks on the doctors' faces
when they examined him.
The
attack came without warning. One moment Ollie was lying there unhappily,
suffering hunger pangs, and the next moment somebody had punched him in the
stomach. The shock made htm start and then look down. But there was
nobody near him. The doctors had left him alone while they looked up articles
in textbooks and argued with each other.
He
felt another punch, and then another and another. He yelled in fright and pain.
After
five minutes, a nurse looked in and asked casually, "Did you call?"
"My
stomach!" groaned Ollie. "Somebody's hittin' me in my stomach!"
"It's
a tummyache," she said with a cheerful smile. "It should teach you
not to wolf your food."
Then
she caught a glimpse of his stomach, from which Ollie, in his agony, had cast
off the sheet, and she gulped. It was swollen like a watermelon—or, rather,
like a watermelon with great wafts. Lumps stuck out all over it.
She rushed out, railing, "Doctor Manson! Doctor Manson!"
When
she returned with two doctors, Ollie was in such acute misery that he didn't
even notice them. One doctor said, "Well, I'll be damned!" and began
tapping the swollen stomach.
The other doctor demanded,
"When did this happen?"
"Right
now, I guess," replied the nurse. "Just a few minutes ago his stomach
was as flat as the way it was when you saw it."
"We'd
better give him a shot of morphine to put him out of his pain," said the
first doctor, "and then we'll X-ray him."
Ollie
was in a semi-coma as they lifted him off his bed and wheeled him into the
X-ray room. He didn't hear a word of the ensuing discussion about the
photographs, although the doctors talked freely in front of him—freely and profanely.
It
was Dr. Manson who demanded, "What in God's name are those things,
anyway?"
"They
look like pineapples and grapefruit," replied the bewildered X-ray
specialist.
"Square-edged
pineapples? Grapefruit with one end pointed?"
"I didrrt say that's what they
are," returned the other defensively. "I said that's what they look
like.' The grapefruit could be eggplant," he added in confusion.
"Eggplant,
my foot. How the devil did they get into his stomach, anyway? He's been eating
like a pig, but even a pig couldn't have gotten those things down its
throat."
"Wake him up and ask him."
"He
doesn't know any more than we do," said the nurse. "He toid me that
it felt as if somebody was bitting him in the stomach. That's all he'd be able
to tell us."
"He's
got the damnedest stomach I ever heard of," marveled Dr. Manson.
"Let's open it up and take a look at it from the inside."
"We'll
have to get his consent," said the specialist nervously. "I know it
would be interesting, but we can't cut into him unless he's willing."
"It
would be for his own good. We'd get that unsliced fruit salad out of him."
Dr. Manson stared at the X-ray
f |
olates
again. "Pineapples, grapefruit, something that looks ike a banana with a
small bush on top. Assorted large round objects. And what looks like a nut. A
small nut."
If
Ollie had been aware, he might have told Dr. Manson that the nut was the kernel
of the trouble. As it was, all he could do was groan.
"He's coming to,"
said the nurse.
"Good,"
asserted Dr. Manson. "Get a release, Nurse, and the minute he's capable of
following directions, have him sign
it."
In the corridor outside, two white-clad
interns stopped at the door of Ollie's room and listened. They could not
properly have been described as man and woman, but at any rate one was male and
the other female. If you didn't look at them too closely, they seemed to be
human, which, of course, was what they wanted you to think.
"Just
as I said," observed Zolto. "They intend to operate. And their
attention has already been drawn to the nut."
"We
can stop them by violence, if necessary. But I abhor violence."
"I know, dear," Zolto said
thoughtfully. "What has happened is clear enough. He kept sending all
that food through, and our people analyzed it and discovered what it was. They
must have been surprised to discover no message from us, but after a while they
arrived at the conclusion that we needed some of our own food and they sent it
to us. It's a good thing that they didn't send more of it at one time."
"The poor man must be
in agony as it is."
"Never mind the poor
man. Think of our own situation."
"But
don't you see, Zolto? His digestive juices can't dissolve such unfamiliar
chemical constituents, and his stomach must be greatly irritated."
She
broke off for a moment as the nurse came past them, giving them only a casual
glance. The X-ray specialist followed shortly, his face reflecting the
bewilderment he felt as a result of studying the plate he was holding.
"That
leaves only Dr. Manson with him," said Zolto. "Pojim, I have a plan.
Do you have any of those pandiges-tive tablets with you?"
"I
always carry them. I never know when in this world I'll run into something my
stomach can't handle."
"Fine."
Zolto stepped back from the doorway, cleared his throat, and began to yell,
"Calling Dr. Manson! Dr. Man-son, report to surgery!"
"You've been seeing
too many of their movies," said Pojim.
But
Zolto's trick worked. They heard Dr. Manson mutter, "Damn!" and saw
him rush into the corridor. He passed them without even noticing that they were
there.
"We
have him to ourselves," said Zolto. "Quick, the tablets."
They
stepped into the room, where Zolto passed a small in-halator back and forth
under Ollie's nose. Ollie jerked away from it, and his eyes opened.
"Take
this," said Pojim, with a persuasive smile. "It will ease your
pain." And she put two tablets into Ollie's surprised mouth.
Automatically,
Ollie swallowed and the tablets sped down to meet the collection in his
stomach. Pojim gave him another smile, and then she and Zolto hurriedly left
the room.
To Ollie, things seemed to be happening in
more and more bewildering fashion. No sooner had these strange doctors left
than Dr. Manson came rushing back, cursing, in a way that would have shocked
Hippocrates, the unknown idiot who had summoned him to surgery. Then the nurse
came in, with a paper. Ollie gathered that he was being asked to sign something.
He shook his head vigorously. "Not me. I
don't sign not
bin", sister."
"It's
a matter of life and death. Your own life and death. We have to get those
things out of your stomach."
"No, sir, you're not
cuttin' me open."
Dr.
Manson gritted his teeth in frustration. "You don't feel so much pain now
because of the morphine I gave you. But it's going to wear off in a few minutes
and then you'll be in agony again. You'll have to let us operate."
"No,
sir," repeated Ollie stubbornly. "You're not cuttin' me open."
And
then he almost leaped from his bed. His already distended stomach seemed to
swell outward, and before the astonished eyes of doctor and nurse, a strange
new bump appeared.
"Help!" yelled
Ollie.
"That's
exactly what we're trying to do," said Dr. Manson angrily. "Only you
won't let us. Now sign that paper, man, and stop your nonsense."
Ollie
groaned and signed. The next moment he was being rushed into the operating
room.
The morphine was wearing off rapidly, and he
lay, still groaning, on the table. From the ceiling, bright lights beat down
upon him. Near his head the anesthetist stood with his cone of sleep poised in
readiness. At one side a happy Dr. Manson was slipping rubber gloves on his
antiseptic hands, while the attentive nurses and assistants waited.
Two
interns were standing near the doorway. One of them, Zolto, said softly,
"We may have to use violence after all. They must not find it."
"I
should have given him a third tablet," said Pojim, the other
intern, regretfully. "Who would have suspected that the action would be so
slow?"
They
fell silent. Zolto slipped a hand into his pocket and grasped the weapon, the
one he had hoped he wouldn't have to use.
Dr. Manson nodded curtly
and said, "Anesthetic."
And
then, as the anesthetist bent forward, it happened. Ollie's uncovered stomach,
lying there in wait for the knife, seemed to heave and boil. OUie shrieked and,
as the assembled medicos watched in dazed fascination, the knobs and bumps
smoothed out. The whole stomach began to shrink, like a cake falling in when
some one has slammed the oven door. The pandigestive tablets had finally acted.
Ollie
sat up. He forgot that he was wearing the skimpy and shameless nightgown,
forgot, too, that he had a roomful of spectators. He pushed away the
anesthetist who tried to stop him.
"I feel fine," he
said.
"Lie
down," ordered Dr. Manson sternly. "We're going to operate and find
out what's wrong with you."
"Youre
not cuttin' into me," said Ollie. He swung his feet to the floor and stood
up. "There ain't nothin' wrong with me. I feel wonderful. For the first
time in my life I ain't hungry, and I'm spoilin' for trouble. Don't nobody try
to stop me."
He
started to march across the floor, pushing his way through the protesting
doctors.
"This
way," said one of the interns near the door. "We'll get your
clothes." Ollie looked at her in suspicion, but she went on,
"Remember? I'm the one who gave you the tablets to make the pain go
away."
"They
sure worked," said Ollie happily, and allowed himself to be led along.
He
heard the uproar behind him, but he paid no attention. Whatever they wanted, he
was getting out of here, fast. There might have been trouble, but at a critical
point the public address system swung into operation, thanks to the foresight
of his intern friends, who had rigged up a special portable attachment to the
microphone. It started calling Dr. Manson, calling Dr. Kolanyi, calling Dr.
Pumber, and all the others.
In
the confusion, Ollie escaped and found himself, for the first time in his life,
a passenger in a taxi cab. With him were the two friendly interns, no longer in
white.
"Just
in case any more of those lumps appear in your stomach," said the female,
"take another couple of tablets."
She
was so persuasive that Ollie put up only token resistance. The tablets went
down his stomach, and then he settled back to enjoy the cab ride. It was only
later that he wondered where they were taking him. By that time, he was too
sleepy to wonder very much.
With
the aid of the first two tablets, he had digested the equivalent of a
tremendous meal. The blood coursed merrily in his veins and arteries, and he
had a warm sensation of well-being.
As the taxi sped along, his
eyes closed.
"You
transmitted the message in one of the latter tablets?" asked Zolto in
their native tongue.
"I
have explained all that has happened,'* replied his wife. "They will stop
sending food and wait for other directives."
"Good.
Now we'll have to get the transfer out of him as soon as possible. We ourselves
can operate and he will never be the wiser."
"I
wonder," said Pojim. "Once we have the transfer, it will only be a
nuisance to us. We'll have to guard it carefully and be in continual fear of
losing it. Perhaps it would be more sensible to leave it inside him."
"Inside
him? Pojim, my sweet, have you taken leave of your senses?"
"Not
at all. It is easier to guard a man than a tiny object, I took a look at one of
the X-ray plates, and it is dear that the transfer switch has adhered to his
stomach. It will remain there indefinitely. Suppose we focus a transpositor on
that stomach of his. Then, as the objects we want arrive from our own universe
in their collapsed condition, we can transpose them into our laboratory,
enlarge them, and send them off to Aldebaran, where they are needed."
"But suppose that he
and that stomach of his move around!"
"He
will stay in one place if we treat him well. Don't you see, Zolto? He is a
creature who has always lacked food. We shall supply him such food as his own
kind have never dreamed or, complete with pandigestion fluid. At the same time,
we shall set him to doing light work in order to keep him busy. Much of his
task will involve studying and improving himself. And at night we shall
receive the things we need from our own universe."
"And
when we have enough to supply the colony on Aldebaran II?"
"Then it will be time enough to remove
the transfer switch."
Zolto laughed. It was a laugh that would have
been curiously out of place in a human being, and if the taxi driver hadn't
been so busy steering his way through traffic, he would have turned around to
look. Pojim sensed the danger, and held up a warning finger.
Zolto
subsided. "You have remarkable ideas, my wife. Still, I see no reason why
this should not work. Let us try it"
Ollie awoke to a new life. He was feeling better
than he had ever felt in his entire miserable existence. The two interns who
had come along with him had been transformed magically into a kindly lady and
gentleman, who wished to hire him to do easy work at an excellent salary. Ollie
let himself be hired.
He
had his choice of things to eat now, but, strangely enough, he no longer had
his old hunger. It was as if he were being fed from some hidden source, and he
ate, one might almost have said, for the looks of it. The little he did consume,
however, seemed to go a long way.
He
gained weight, his muscles hardened, his old teeth fell out and new ones
appeared. He himself was astonished at this latter phenomenon, but after his
previous experience at the hospital, he kept his astonishment to himself The spots on his lungs disappeared, his spine
straightened. After a time he reached a weight of a hundred and ninety pounds,
and his eyes were bright and dear. At night he slept the sleep of the just—or
the drugged.
At
first he was happy. But after several months, there came a feeling of boredom.
He sought out Mr. and Mrs. Zolto, and said, "I'm sorry, I can't stay here
any longer."
"Why?" asked the
lady.
"There's
no room here, ma'am, for advancement," he said, almost apologetically.
"I've been studyin' and I got ideas about things I can do. All sorts of
ideas."
Pojim
and Zolto, who had planted the ideas, nodded solemnly.
Pojim
said, "We're glad to hear that, Ollie. The fact is that we ourselves had
decided to move to—to a warmer climate, some distance away from here. We were
wondering how you'd get along without us."
"Don't you worry about
me. I'll do fine."
"Well,
that's splendid. But it would be convenient to us if you could wait till
tomorrow. We'd like to give you something to remember us by."
"I'll be glad to wait,
ma'am."
That
night Ollie had a strange nightmare. He dreamed that he was on the operating
table again, and that the doctors and nurses were once more dosing in on him He opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. And then the two
interns were there, once more wearing their uniforms.
The female said, "It's all right. It's
perfectly all right. We're just removing the transfer switch. In the morning
you won't even remember what happened."
And,
in fact, in the morning he didn't. He had only a vague feeling that something bad happened.
They
shook hands with him and they
gave him a very fine letter of reference, in case he tried to get another job,
and Mrs. Zolto presented him with an envelope in which there were several bills
whose size later made his eyes almost pop out of his head.
He
walked down the street as if it belonged to him, or were going to. Gone was the
slouch, gone the Weariness of the eyes, gone the hangdog look.
Gone was all memory of the dismal past.
And
then Ollie had a strange feeling. At first it seemed so peculiar that he
couldn't figure out what it was. It started in his stomach, which seemed to
turn over and almost tie itself into a knot. He felt a twinge of pain and
winced almost perceptibly.
It took him several minutes to realize what
it was. For the first time in months, he was hungry.
Technological Retreat
by
G. C. Edmondson
In Shipping
Clerk you saw the weird effects of
an "impossible" alien invention on a single individual. Here you'll
get an uncomfortable look at the
devastation another sort of extraterrestrial
gimmick might create for the whole
human race. The tone is light, but—what if . . .? Stop a moment, though. Perhaps the gimmick's effects are actually favorable
to human survival, in the long run? Maybe we H-bomb-frightened people had
better wish for something like this
to happen? Give it a thought!
O |
nce there were two extraterrestrials, hereafter
referred to as ETs. They sat down on a nice looking planet and shifted to
visible spectrum right in front of a native.
The
native was a good, solid citizen but not exactly what you'd call a fuddy duddy.
There's television and then all those books the kids bring home. Still, it startled
him to see a big, round something
materialize out of thin air and a couple of humpbacked entities with faces like
catfish come out of it. They were friendly looking catfishes though, so Oliver
Jenkins wasn't frightened.
Oliver
Jenkins was not an ET. He was a rather short and puffy specimen of the dominant
race on Sol III and had reached an
age where the balance of power has begun an imperceptible shift from gonads to
cerebrum. He owed alle-
giance
to the Kiwanis, the Chamber of Commerce, the Republican party, and the United
States, though he highly disapproved of the way those idiots in Washington
kept meddling with an honest businessman's right to an honest profit.
Mr.
Jenkins possessed a highly developed sense of community responsibility. He
contributed to everything and was a member of a politico-religio-social group
whose talisman he proudly dangled from a gold chain transversing his chest. He
was in the habit of fingering this talisman, the bleached molar of a local herbivore.
At
the moment, Mr. Jenkins was too startled to finger his talisman. Besides, he'd
left it home. No point in wearing it out here where he'd not be meeting any
brother herbivores. It got in the way for dry fly casting and loyal herbivore
that he was, still, Mr. Jenkins wasn't going to let anything interfere with
the second most important thing in life. Wasn't, that is, until this big round
thing showed up and spooked every rainbow in the pool. He was annoyed with the
realization that there'd be no more fishing this morning and doubly annoyed
that these two outlanders had made him involuntarily take on a bootful of
sparkling, mountain-dear, and icy cold water.
The
taller of the two ETs waved in a friendly way and Jenkins, not to be outdone,
waved back. The ET's mouth moved and an astonishingly loud voice said, "Buenos días; ¿puedo interesarle en algún trato
comercial?"
Jenkins
made the local I-do-not-understaad gesture and started dimbing from the pool.
The ET fumbled with a knob at his waist and tried again. "Terribly sorry,
old man," he continued; "must have dropped a decimal point
somewhere." As Jenkins moved closer he could hear an undertone of buzzes
and dicks from the ET's mouth as the English phrases issued from his belt buckle.
"Never could learn to set one of these things," the ET continued
conversationally. Jenkins nodded sympathetically. He often had similar troubles
with his own appliances.
"As
I was saying—" the ET continued. "Oh, by the way, my name's Chorl.
This is my partner, Tuchi."
"Jenkins,
Oliver Jenkins. Glad to meet you." Jenkins extended his hand and it was
shaken flaccidly by a dammy finger duster with an opposed thumb at each end.
After a moment's hesitation Tuchi joined in the native ritual. "Eaut sirtam mated da mutnemercxe,"
he said conversationally.
Chorl
waggled a deprecatory lip tentacle and adjusted Tuchi's belt buckle.
Oliver
Jenkins sat on a log and removed his boot. As he poured water from it Chorl
whipped a handbook from a pouch. He flipped pages for several seconds before
looking at Mr. Jenkins in piscine amazement. "I don't wish to offend, old
man, but the handbook says nothing about intelligent amphibians on this
planet."
"I'm
not an amphibian, I'm an American," Jenkins answered.
"But the leg
moisteners—how do you breathe?"
"Through my nose like
any sensible man."
"Oh."
Chorl twiddled a lip tentade thoughtfully. "Mr. Jenkins, we're not
scientists. I don't understand just how you breathe but we'll let that go. Are
you interested in trade?"
Mr.
Jenkins' nostrils quivered. He could suffer an interruption of the second most
important thing in life if it might lead to a little of the first. "Well,
I'm not opposed to making an honest profit now and then but . . . According to
those stories the kids read, the only thing you fellows'd want would be reactor
fuel and you might as wdl forget about that Those bureaucrats've got it sewed
up tight."
Chorl
buzzed sympathetically. "Frankly, Mr. Jenkins, we couldn't use your
reactor fuel even if you could get it. Oh, no, it isn't that," he added as
Mr. Jenkins' throat pouches began palpitating. "We aren't equipped to
process fuel. You must understand, ours is a small enterprise."
"I see," Mr.
Jenkins said untruthfully.
"Specifically,
we're looking for local artifacts—curios—possibly foods if we find them
assimilable."
"Hmmm
. . . Have a agar."
Mr. Jenkins produced three and tutored the ETs in the intricacies of biting off
the end. This entailed some difficulty as their dental equipment lacked
indsors. The ETs took one puff each and dived into the creek with glottal hoots
which their belt buckles did not interpret. Jenkins mentally scratched the
pool from his list of trout haunts as they raced up and down like seals in a
swimming pool.
Eventually
they emerged and harrumphed, blowing a fine spray from gill slits. "I'm
afraid dgars won't do," Chorl said.
"I guess not"
Jenkins agreed sadly. "Well, I don't have any samples here. Why not come
with me—?"
"I
don't think it wise," Chorl said hastily. "We might cause
excitement."
"You going to be here
long?"
"A few days."
"I'll
be back this afternoon with a truckload of samples." "Alone?"
"Does Macy's tell
Gimbel's?"
Oliver Jenkins spent a hectic four hours in
town and rushed back to the ETs after giving wife and employees lame excuses.
In his haste he skidded from the dirt road down to the creekbed and banged up a
perfectly good left front fender. Chorl and Tuchi pawed through an assortment
of samples from bed warmers to halvah. After untranslated clicks and buzzes
and an occasional expectoration while food sampling they settled on caviar,
roll-mop herrings, smoked oysters and anchovy paste as possible media of
exchange.
"Now, what do you
have?" Jenkins demanded.
Tuchi
went to the sphere and emerged with a cone-like affair on a pedestal. He
pressed a switch and waves of fluorescence began coruscating over its surface.
The two ETs stared glassily and vibrated Bp tentacles in unison with the
coruscations.
"I'm afraid not."
Jenkins said.
Tuchi
shrugged the place where his shoulders weren't and took the cone back inside.
He came out with~a plastic globe and made illustrative motions. Jenkins smelled
cautiously but detected nothing. He bit on the nipple and strangled as a high
pressure jet of something like rancid cod liver oil threatened to uproot his
tonsils. The ETs exchanged helpless glances as Jenkins lay gagging in the
grass.
They
produced other viands but Mr. Jenkins wasn't having any. "There must be
something else," he protested weakly.
The
ETs buzzed and clicked. Chorl apparently won the argument and turned.
"This asymmetrical portion of your vehicle," he pointed at the
dented fender. "It should not be thus?" Jenkins nodded. Chorl
produced a tube about like a fountain pen and pointed it at the fender. In a
moment he pocketed the tube and put a two thumbed hand behind the fender. With
the other hand he smothered out the dent as if the metal were pie dough. He
pointed the tube at the fender again for an instant. Jenkins thumped the fender
cautiously.
It was as solid as ever.
"How many can you
supply me?" he asked.
A
short period ensued in which each party swore the other would drive him to
ruin. When both sides were ruined Mr. Jenkins possessed seven hundred forty
tubes and an exclusive franchise for Sol III. The ETs owned thirty-eight
dollars and eight cents worth of delicatessen. They promised to return next
trip and gave Jenkins a talisman to hang beside bis magic molar. The talisman
would change color when they were ready to meet him at the same spot. The ETs
sealed their sphere and went invisible. The native stayed visible and went back
to town.
Oliver Jenkins had sold two tubes with
maximum profit and minimitm publicity when there came a knock on the door. "Simpson, FBI"
the knocker said.
"I file a return every
quarter," Mr. Jenkins said.
"Take
it up with Internal Revenue. I want to hear about those tools you're
selling."
"Guaranteed
for sixty-eight years, fifty per cent duty cycle. Maximum capacity eight feet,
thirty degree cone of effectiveness. Affects metals only. Use the left hand
button to soften, right hand to harden. The dial on the back's for temper settings
if you're working steel. One thousand dollars."
"That isn't exactly
what I wanted to know."
"No other information
available. Company secret"
"Get your coat."
"That's
unconstitutional."
"So's spitting on the
sidewalk."
Brigadier General George S. Camhouser was not
noted for his self restraint He had chosen the Army as the field most suited
for full development of his lovable, paternalistic personality. At the moment
he was reasoning with Mr. Oliver Jenkins.
"But
what if the Russians should get hold of it?" he was saying.
"I'm
not an inventor and I'm not a manufacturer," Mr. Jenkins said. "I'm
in the importing business whenever people let me alone long enough to tend to
business."
"But
think, man, think of the possibilities." General Carn-houser's attitude of
sweet reasonableness was spoiled by the throbbing veins in his temples.
"I'm tired of
thinking. I've told the FBI what they want to know. I've broken no law. I
demand to be released immediately."
"What about import duties?" The
general was grasping at straws.
Mr. Jenkins drew himself up in puffy dignity.
He fondled twin talismans and drew strength. "I have made a detailed
study," he said magnificently, "of Schedule A, Statistical
Classification of Commodities Imported into the United States with Rates of
Duty and Tariff Paragraphs and Code Classification for Countries (Schedule C),
United States Customs Districts and Ports (Schedule D), and Flag of Vessel
Registry (Schedule J), January 1, 1954 Edition, and approximately eight hundred
pages of looseleaf inserts concerning later revisions thereof. In no part do I
see any reference specifically prohibiting importation of pocket plasticizers.
In no part do I see any scale of import duties for said merchandise. In no part
is there any express prohibition of interstellar trade."
General Carnhouser's rebuttal was
unprintable. He conceded to Rear Admiral Schiffiihrer, the Lord Nelson of
naval intelligence.
"I pass," the admiral said.
"I demand to be released immediately," Mr. Jenkins said.
"Why don't you do something?" the
admiral and the general demanded of the CIA man.
The man from Central Intelligence looked
speculatively at the molar dangling from Mr. Jenkins' gold chain. "I
will," he said.
The next morning they started again.
"Mr. Jenkins," the CIA man began,
"we have investigated your entire background and find no irregularities
in political opinion, ideological associations, or income tax returns. We want
your cooperation." He paused for dramatic effect. "Does your wife
know what goes on at those lodge conventions? I refer specifically to the
September, 1951 blow-off in Chicago."
"I'll cooperate," Mr. Jenkins said.
Four hours later the government had seven hundred thirty-eight tubes. Mr. Jenkins
had several vague promises and a headache.
Four days later Simpson knocked on the door again.
"Now what?" Mr. Jenkins asked.
"Get your coat," Simpson said.
"Again?"
"Mr. Jenkins,"
the CIA man began, "we feel you have been less than frank with us.
Approximately eight hours ago a highly placed Soviet official deserted to the
west He intended to live quietly on the proceeds from a new process developed
in a Soviet laboratory. He brought a working model.' The CIA man tossed a
plasticizer tube on the table. "Now what have you to say?"
"Hah," Mr. Jenkins replied.
"You're not cooperating," the QA man said.
"I cooperated and what did I get out of
it? My business is going to pot; my wife wants to know what I'm doing leaving
the house at all hours with strangers; you've confiscated all my stock. . . .
Go ahead and shoot me. Meanwhile, take that tool and jam it. Maybe it'll help
get the lead out"
"May we understand then that you refuse
further cooperation?"
"You may. I hope they bring me something
to soften bone next trip."
"Aha! So they're coming back?"
"Why shouldn't they? Business is business."
"When?"
"None of your business."
"You'd better tell Mrs. Jenkins to get
the guest room ready. Simpson here is going to be living with you for quite a
while."
Simpson's unsmiling countenance had graced
the Jenkins household for a week. His grim jaws had masticated an incredible
quantity of food before the next development came.
"I take it as a matter of course that
your government doubledomes have been unable to duplicate the
plasticizer," Mr. Jenkins observed sourly over the rim of his coffee cup.
"I couldn't say," Simpson replied.
It was becoming apparent that Simpson couldn't say much of anything. He choked
on toast and suddenly snatched the morning paper from Mr. Jenkins' hands. A
quarter-page ad offered the plasticizer to one and all for forty-nine
ninety-five (federal tax included).
"Let's go," Simpson said, grabbing for his hat.
"In my car, I suppose," Jenkins said resignedly.
The CIA man and a Treasury man were already
closeted with the manager of the Peerless Department Store when they arrived.
Simpson barged in anyway with Mr. Jenkins in tow. There was a short and
illuminating discussion of the Peerless Department Store's interpretation of
the capital gains clause in 1952 and the manager decided production
difficulties and faulty design would make it necessary to withdraw the
plasti-cizer from the market. A whispering campaign was planned to put the
blame squarely on Big Business.
In an hour things were arranged to the
satisfaction of everybody but the Peerless Department Store manager and Mr.
Jenkins. On the street again Jenkins turned to his shadow with an evil smile.
"I see something you don't see," he purred. Simpson looked around. An
auto supply store was featuring a do-it-yourself body and fender repair kit.
The main article of the kit was you-know-what. Mr. Jenkins observed in grim
satisfaction that the price was already down to twenty-four ninety-five.
"I suppose you have an
exclusive franchise too?" Mr. Jenkins said to the auto supply manager.
"No,"
the manager said. "What's this all about?" "Ask Simpson. He's in
charge." "I'll have to call Washington," Simpson said.
"Don't tell me he slept here too."
A seedy-looking devotee of free enterprise
saw them come from the store. "Hey!" he called softly. They paused.
"See them?" He pointed to the plasticizer display. "Avoid the
middleman. Fourteen ninety-five." He opened his coat and Mr. Jenkins
observed that the fourteen ninety-five model featured a clip to keep it from
falling out of a shirt pocket Simpson's eyes were becoming glassy.
They arrived home late that night but Mr.
Jenkins' children waited up to show off their new toys. "How much did you
pay for it?" Jenkins asked.
"A dollar," Oliver Junior answered.
Simpson sat down heavily.
"Heck," Olivia volunteered, "I
only paid forty-nine cents for mine. Look daddy." She offered two crudely
fashioned coffee cups.
"How did you make these?" Mr. Jenkins asked.
"It's easy, look." Olivia,
important in the knowledge that she would be eight next week, gathered a
handful of lead soldiers, model railway track, erector set parts, and a tomato
can. She played the tool on the mess and kneaded it into a ball. After a minute's
work with rolling pin and fingers she offered Simpson an ash tray for his
forgotten cigarette.
Horace Crannach was unhappy. He poured
another cup of coffee and sat looking morosely at
the rollaway
where his body and fender tools
were gathering an even patina
of rust.
His eye lit on
a plasticizer.
"Ninety-six dollars I
paid for that," he moaned. 'Two
weeks later they're down to
ten cents and every woman in
town bumps out her own
fenders. I shoulda been a carpenter."
From the other side of the
half wall his partner volunteered
an obbligato. "You should
gripe. I ain't worked on
an engine
for a
month. I was just gettin"
ready to start the last
job when the wiseacre trots in
and says,
'Hold it, I'll do it
myself.' "
"And did
he?"
"He did. Softened up the block
and pushed
the pistons
through the holes a
couple of times. That handled
the rebore.
He seated the valves
by hand
and took
up the
rods and mains with two fingers.
I sold
him a water pump seal. That's not made of
metal."
"Gentlemen," William
J. Volante
said impressively, "the
E |
resses are obsolete. The forges can
go. We
need no longer aggie with tool
and die
makers. We'll put a crew
of girls
to hand-forming parts directly
over the plaster mockups. No
reason why we shouldn't
produce a new model every
% six months. Mr. Archer of
Accounting informs me that tooling-up
should cost approximately two per
cent of our previous estimates. In view of this
it seems
practical to announce a two
percent across the board
price reduction for all models—"
Mr. Mardsell cleared his
throat delicately. "Ummm,
I'm afraid not, Mr. Volante. Have
you seen
our latest
sales figures ? No? I thought
not. The big four are
offering super-deluxe models with
radio, heater, foglites, window lifts,
power brakes, power steering, aircondirioning, folding beds, engines—the works for eleven hundred."
Volante seemed suddenly older
than his sixty-eight years. His mouth opened and closed
like a grounded flounder and
he sat down weakly. Mr. Archer
poured him a glass of
water.
"Don't worry," Mardsell continued,
"they aren't selling any better than we are. It
seems the do-it-yourself bug has
hit the
automotive industry too."
flash! pranksters strike
again.
San
Francisco, Oct. 16 (AP) Pranksters
last night
softened
cables on the mam span of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Cars
backed up for seven miles as commuters waited for low tide. Four hundred yards
of the center span are now awash at high tide. City officials are issuing
emergency calls to neighboring coastal cities for ferries to replace the unsafe
bridge.
The truck
driver wiped perspiration from his
forehead with a hairy, forearm. "I
don't care what the old
man says,"
he addressed his swamper
and two
squirrels who gazed curiously at the
semi rig from an overhanging
pine tree. "I'm walking
the rest
of the
way." His swamper nodded emphatic agreement "It's
disconcerting," the driver
continued, "to be barreling down
the hill
and have
your engine turn into putty. One
of these
days some brat's going to
bit a
front axle or a
wheel and I don't want
to be
driving when he does."
"You see
in this
morning's paper what happened to
the Twentieth Century Limited?" his swamper
asked. "Oh no!" the
driver groaned.
"Oh yes.
Some kid needed eight or
ten feet
of track."
"How do
you like
them apples?" the OA man
asked.
"Go cry on somebody else's shoulder,"
Mr. Jenkins
replied. "I cooperated. You've still got all
seven hundred thirty-eight of
mine." They walked out of
the building.
The government
limousine had been converted
to a
small pile of slush during
their absence. "By the
way, what happened, to that
Russian who daimed to have invented
these things ?"
"I understand they have
their troubles too," the CIA
man smiled grimly. "Somebody discovered soft tommy guns don't
shoot very straight so
now all
the comrades
are kneading
their plowshares into swords."
Tnrhi buzzed and dicked for several miming Since no humans were listening
the voice
did not
come from his belt buckle. If it had the
conversation might have ended something
like this:
"You did
all the
talking; now talk yourself out
of this."
"What do you mean, talk myself
out of
this?" Chorl was indignant "You talk
as if
it were
my fault."
"Well, isn't
it?"
"How should I know?"
He stopped
abruptly as another band of natives
approached the opposite creek bank.
The leader of the band threw a stone ax and the
ETs ducked barely in time.
"Maybe they have a different growth
rate. It took us maybe a hundred and ten of their revolutions to make the trip
home and back. I'll admit it's rather swift but civilizations do break up,
especially primitive ones."
"So what are we going to do with a
hundred million plasticizers?"
"Tell me what you're going to do about
the delay penalty dause in that caviar contract and I'll tell you what to do with
the plasticizers."
"I just don't understand it," Chorl said.
Across the creek a group of natives were
gathering stones for a catapult. Their leader wore a gold chain about his neck.
There dangled from it the molar of a local herbivore and another talisman
glowing bright red.
The
Analogues
by
Damon
Knight
Here
is another previously collected story. The well-known lower-case damon knight's
frightening fable appeared as the first chapter in his 1955 novel Hell's Pavement, almost four years after its original magazine
appearance as a short story. However, it stands so well alone that h has forced
its way into this collection even though it is not "never before reprinted
in book form." The terrible irony that something woicb forces you to be
"good" can be almost more menacing than the evil it prevents—the
point of The Analogues— gives it timeless value as an ethical object
lesson. You can neither legislate nor operate people into a state of goodness. The thing will always backfire:
that is the moral of this tale.
T |
he creature was like an eye, a globular eye that could
see in all directions, encysted in the gray, cloudy mind that called itself
Alfie Strunk. In that dimness thoughts squirmed, like dark fish darting; and
the eye followed them without pity.
It knew Alfie, knew the evil in Alfie; the
tangled skein of impotence and hatred and desire; the equation: Love equals
death. The roots of that evil were beyond its reach; it was only an eye. But
now it was changing. Deep in its own center, little electric tingles came and
went. Energy found a new gradient, and flowed.
A thought shone in the gray cloud that was
Alfie—only half-formed, but unmistakable. And a channel opened. Instantly, the
eye thrust a filament of itself into the passage.
Now it was free. Now it could act
The man on the couch stirred and moaned. The
doctor, who had been whispering into his ear, drew back and watched his face.
At the other end of the couch, the technician glanced alertly at the patient,
then turned again to his meters.
The
patient's head was covered to the ears by an ovoid shell of metal. A broad
strap of webbing, buckled under his jaw, held it securely. The heads of
screw-damps protruded in three drdes around the shell's circumference, and of
thick bundle of insulated wires issued from its center, leading ultimately to
the control board at the foot of the couch.
The
man's gross body was restrained by a rubber sheet, the back of his head resting
in the trough of a rubber block fixed to the couch.
"No!"
he shouted suddenly. He mumbled, his loose features contorting. Then, "I
wasn't gonna—No! Don't—" He muttered again, trying to move his body, the
tendons in his neck sharply outlined. "Please," he said, and tears glittered in his eyes.
The
doctor leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "You're going away from
there. You're going away. It's five minutes later."
The
patient relaxed and seemed to be asleep. A teardrop spilled over and ran slowly
down his cheek.
The
doctor stood up and nodded to the technician, who slowly moved his rheostat to
zero before he cut the switches. "A good run," the doctor mouthed
silently. The technician nodded and grinned. He scribbled on a pad, "Test
him this aft.?" The doctor wrote, "Yes. Can't tell till then, but
think we got him solid."
Alfie Strunk sat in the hard chair and chewed
rhythmically, staring at nothing. His brother had told him to wait here while
he went down the hall to see the doctor. It seemed to Alfie that he had been
gone a long time.
Silence
flowed around rum. The room he sat in was almost bare-^the chair he sat in, the
naked walls and floor, a couple of little tables with books on them. There were
two doors; one, open,
led into the long bare hall outside. There were other doors in the hall, but
they were all dosed and their windows were dark. At the end of the hall was a
door, and that was dosed, too. Alfie had heard his brother dose it behind him,
with a solid dick, when he left. He felt very safe and alone.
He heard something, a faint echo of movement,
and turned his head swiftly, automatically. The noise came from beyond the
second door in the room, the one that was just slightly ajar. He heard it
again.
He stood up cautiously, not making a sound.
He tiptoed to the door, looked through the crack. At first he saw nothing; then
the footsteps came again and he saw a flash of color: a blue print skirt, a
white sweater, a glimpse of coppery hair
Alfie widened the crack, very carefully. His
heart was pounding and his breath was coming faster. Now he could see the far
end of the room. A couch, and the girl sitting on it, opening a book. She was
about eleven, slender and dainty. A reading lamp by the couch gave the only
light. She was alone.
Alfie's blunt fingers went into his trousers
pocket and clutched futilely. They had taken his knife away. Then he glanced at
the little table beside the door, and his breath caught. There it was, his own
switchblade knife, lying beside the books. His brother must have left it there and
forgotten to tell him. He reached for it—
And an angry female voice said, "ALFI%!"
He whirled, cringing. His mother stood there,
towering twice his height, with wrath in her staring gray eyes, every line of
her so sharp and real that he could not doubt her— though he knew she had been
dead these fifteen years.
She had a willow switch in her hand.
"No!" gasped Alfie, retreating to
the wall. "Don't—I wasn't gonna do nothing."
She raised the switch. "You're no good,
no good, no good,"
she spat. "You've got
the devil in you, and it's just got to be whipped out."
"Don't, please—" said Alfie. Tears leaked out of his
eyes.
"Get away from that girl," she
said, advancing. "Get dean away and don't ever go back. Go on—"
Alfie turned and ran, sobbing in his throat.
In the next room, the girl went on reading
until a voice said, "O.K., Rita. That's all."
She
looked up. "Is that all? Well,
I didn't do much."
"You did enough," said the voice.
"We'll explain to you what it's all about some day. Come on, let's
go."
She smiled, stood up—and vanished as she
moved out of range of the mirrors in the room below. The two rooms where Alfie
had been tested were empty. Alfie's mother was already gone—gone with Alfie,
inside his mind where he could never escape her again, as long as he lived.
Martyn's long, cool fingers gently pressed
the highball glass. The glass accepted the pressure, a very little; the liquid
rose almost imperceptibly inside it. This glass would not break, he knew; it
had no hard edges and if thrown it would not hurt anybody much. It was a
symbol, perhaps; but only in the sense that nearly everything around him was a
symbol.
The music of the five-piece combo down at the
end of the long room was like a glass—muted, gentle, accommodating. And the
alcohol content of the whisky in his drink was twenty-four point five per cent.
But men still got drunk, and men still
reached instinctively for a weapon to kill.
And, incredibly, there were worse things that
could happen. The cure was sometimes worse than the disease. "The operation
was successful, but the patient died." We're witch doctors, he thought. We
don't realize it yet, most of us, but that's what we are. The doctor who only
heals is a servant; but the doctor who controls the powers of life and death is
a tyrant.
The dark little man across the table had to
be made to understand that. Martyn thought he could do it. The man had
power—the power of millions of readers, of friends in high places—but he was a
genuine, not a professional, lover of democracy.
Now the little man raised his glass, tilted
it in a quick, automatic gesture. Martyn saw his throat pulse, like the knotting
of a fist, as he swallowed. He set the glass down, and the soft rosy light from
the bar made dragons' eyes of his spectacles.
"Well, Dr. Martyn?" he said. His
voice was crisp and rapid, but amiable. This man lived with tension; he was acclimated
to it, like a swimmer in swift waters.
Martyn
gestured with his glass, a slow, controlled movement. "I want you to see
something first," he said. "Then we'll talk. I asked you to meet me
here for two reasons. One is that it's an out-of-the-way place, and, as you'll
understand, I have to be careful. The other has to do with a man who comes here
every night. His name is Ernest Fox; he's a machinist, when he works. Over
there at the bar. The big man in the checkered jacket. See him?"
The other flicked a glance that way; he did
not turn his head. "Yeah. The one with the snootful?"
"Yes. You're right, he's very drunk. I
don't think it will take much longer."
"How come they serve him?"
"You'll see in a minute," Martyn said.
Ernest Fox was swaying slightly on the bar
stool. His choleric face was flushed, and his nostrils widened visibly with
each breath he took. His eyes were narrowed, staring at the man to his left—a
wizened little fellow in a big fedora. ■ Suddenly he straightened and
slammed his glass down on the bar. Liquid spread over the surface in a
glittering flood. The wizened man looked
up at him nervously. Fox drew his fist back.
Martyn's guest had half-turned in his seat.
He was watching, relaxed and interested.
The big man's face turned abruptly as if
someone had spoken to him. He stared at an invisible something six inches away,
and his raised arm slowly dropped. He appeared to be listening. Gradually bis
face lost its anger an4 became sullen. He muttered something, looking
down at his hands. He listened again. Then he turned to the wizened man and
spoke, apparently in apology; the little man waved his hand as if to say,
"Forget it," and turned back to his drink.
The big man slumped again on the bar stool,
shaking his head and muttering. Then he scooped up his change from the bar, got
up and walked out. Someone else took his place almost immediately.
"That happens every night, like
clockwork," said Martyn. "That's why they serve him. He never does
any harm, and he never will. He's a good customer."
The dark little man was facing him alertly once more. "And?"
"A year and a half ago," Martyn
said, "no place in the Loop would let him in the door, and he had a police
record as long as your arm. He liked to get drunk, and when he got drunk
he liked
to start
fights. Compulsive. No cure for it, even if
there were facilities for such
cases. He's still
incurable.
He's just the
same as he was—just as
manic, just as hostile. But—he doesn't cause any trouble
now."
"All right,
doctor, I check to you.
Why not?"
"He's got an analogue," said Martyn.
"In the classical sense, he is
even less sane than he
was before.
He has
auditory, visual and tactile hallucinations—a
complete, integrated set That's enough to
get you
entry to most institutions, crowded as they
are. But, you see, these
hallucinations are pre-societal.
They were put there, deliberately.
He's an acceptable member of society,
because he has
them."
The dark man looked interested and irritated
at the
same time. He said, "He sees
things. What does he see,
exactly, and what does it say
to him
?"
"Nobody knows that except himself. A
policeman, maybe, or his mother as
she looked
when he was a child.
Someone whom he fears, and whose
authority he acknowledges. The subconscious has its own mechanism
for creating
these false images; all we do
is stimulate
it—it does the rest. Usually,
we think, it just
warns him, and in most
cases that's enough. A word from
the right
person at the right moment
is enough
to prevent ninety-nine out of a hundred
crimes. But in extreme cases,
the analogues
can actually
oppose the patient physically—as
far as
he's concerned, that is. The
hallucination is complete,
as I
told you."
"Sounds like
a good
notion."
"A very good notion—rightly handled. In
another ten years it will cut
down the number of persons
institutionalized for insanity to
the point
where we can actually hope
to make
some progress, both in
study and treatment, with those
that are left."
"Sort of a personal guardian angel,
tailored to fit" "That's
exactly it," said Martyn. "The
analogue always fits the patient because
it is the patient—a part of
his own
mind, working against his
conscious purposes whenever they cross the prohibition we lay
down. Even an exceptionally intelligent man can't defeat
his analogue,
because the analogue is just as
intelligent. Even knowing you've had
the treatment
doesn't help, although ordinarily
the patient
doesn't know. The analogue, to the patient, is absolutely
indistinguishable from a real
person—but it doesn't have any
of a
real person's weaknesses."
The other grinned.
"Could I get one to keep me from drawing to inside
straights?"
Martyn did not smile. "That isn't quite
as funny as it sounds," he said. "There's a very real possibility
that you could about ten years from now. And that's precisely the catastrophe
that I want you to help prevent."
The tall, black-haired young man got out of
the pickup and strolled jauntily into the hotel lobby. He wasn't thinking about
what he was going to do; his mind was cheerfully occupied with the decoration
of the enormous loft he had just rented on the lower East Side. It might be
better, he thought, to put both couches along one wall, and arrange the bar opposite.
Or put the Capehart
there, with an easy-chair
on either side.
The small lobby was empty except for the
clerk behind his minuscule desk and the elevator operator lounging beside the
cage. The young man walked confidently forward
"Yes, sir?" said the clerk.
"Listen," said
the young man, "there's a man leaning out of a window upstairs, shouting
for help. He looked sick." "What? Show me."
The clerk and the elevator operator followed
him out to the sidewalk. The young man pointed to two open windows. "It
was one of those, the ones in the middle on the top floor."
"Thanks, mister," said the clerk.
The young man said, "Sure," and
watched the two men hurry into the elevator. When the doors dosed behind them,
he strolled in again and watched the indicator rise. Then, for the first time,
he looked down at the blue carpet that stretched between elevator and entrance.
It was almost new, not fastened down, and just the right size. He bent and
picked up the end of it.
"Drop it," said a voice.
The young man looked up in surprise. It was
the man, the same man that had stopped him yesterday in the furniture store.
Was he being followed?
He dropped the carpet. "I thought I saw
a coin under there," he said.
"I know what you thought," the man said. "Beat it."
The young man walked out to his pickup and
drove away. He felt chilly inside. Suppose this happened every time he wanted to take something—?
The dark man looked shrewdly
at Martyn. He said, "All right, doctor. Spill the rest of it. Let's have
it all, not just the background. I'm not a science reporter, you know."
"The Institute," Martyn said,
"has already arranged for a staff
of lobbyists to start working for the first page of its program when the world
legislature returns to session this fall. Here's what they want for a
beginning:
"One, analogue treatment for all persons
convicted of crime 'while temporarily insane,' as a substitute for either
institutionalization or punishment. They will argue that society's real
purpose is to prevent the repetition of the crime, not to punish."
"They'll be right," said the little man.
"Of course. But wait. Second, they want
government support for a vast and rapid expansion of analogue services. The
goal is to restore useful citizens to society, and to ease pressure on
institutions, both corrective and punitive."
"Why not?"
"No reason why not—if it would stop
there. But it won't." Martyn took a deep breath and clasped his long
fingers together on the table. It was very dear to him, but he realized that
it was a difficult thing for a layman to see—or even for a technically competent man in his own fidd. And yet it was inevitable, it
was going to happen, unless he stopped it
"It's just our bad luck," he said,
"that this development came at this particular time in history. It was
only thirty years ago, shortly after the third world war, that the problem of
our wasted human resources really became so acute that it couldn't be evaded
any longer. Since then we've seen a great deal of progress, and public
sentiment is fully behind it. New building codes for big dries. New speed laws.
Reduced alcoholic content in wine and liquor. Things like that The analogue
treatment is riding the wave.
"It's estimated by competent men in the
field that the wave will reach its maximum about
ten years from now. And that's when the Institute will be ready to put through
the second stage of its progress. Here it is:
"One, analogue treatment against crimes
of violence to be compulsory for all dtizens
above the age of seven."
The dark man stared at him. "Blue balls
of fire," he said. "Will it work, on that scale?"
"Yes. It will completely eliminate any
possibility of a future war, and it will halve our police
problem."
The
daxk man whistled. "Then what?"
"Two," said Martyn, "analogue
treatment against peculation, collusion, bribery, and all the other forms of
corruption to be compulsory for all candidates for public office. And that will
make the democratic system foolproof, for all time."
The dark man laid his pencil down. "Dr. Martyn," he said,
"you're confusing me. I'm a libertarian, but there's got to be some method of preventing this race from killing itself off. If
this treatment will do what you say it will do, I don't care if it does violate
civil rights. I want to go on living, and I want my grandchildren—I have two,
by the way—to go on living. Unless there's a catch you haven't told me about
this thing, I'm for it."
Martyn said earnestly, "This treatment
is a crutch. It is not a therapy, it does not cure the patient of anything. As
a matter of fact, as I told you before, it makes him less nearly sane, not more. The causes of his irrational or antisocial
behavior are still there, they're only repressed—temporarily. They can't ever
come out in the same way, that's true; we've built a wall across that
particular channel. But they will express themselves in some other way, sooner
or later. When a dammed-up flood breaks through in a new place, what do you
do?"
"Build another levee."
"Exactly," said
Martyn. "And after that? Another, and another, and another— "It's
basically wrong!"
Nicholas Dauth, cold sober, stared broodingly
at the boulder that stood on trestles between the house and the orchard. It was
a piece of New England granite, marked here and there with chalk lines.
It had stood there for eight months, and he
had not touched a chisel to it.
The sun was warm on his back. The air was
still; only the occasional hint of a breeze ruffled the treetops. Behind him he
could hear the clatter of dishes in the kitchen, and beyond that the dear
sounds of his wife's voice.
Once there had been a shape buried in the
stone. Every stone had its latent form, and when you carved it, you felt as if
you were only helping it to be born.
Dauth could remember the shape he had seen
buried in this one: a woman and child—the woman kneeling, half bent over the
child in her lap. The balancing of masses had given it grace and authority, and
the free space had lent it movement.
He could remember it; but he couldn't see it any more.
There was a quick, short spasm in his right
arm and side, painful while it lasted. It was like the sketch of an action:
turning, walking to where there was whisky—meeting die guard who wouldn't let him drink it, turning away again. All that had squeezed itself now into a
spasm, a kind of tic He didn't drink now, didn't try to drink. He dreamed about
it, yes, thought of it, felt the burning ache in his throat and guts. But he
didn't try. There simply wasn't any use.
He looked back at the unborn stone, and now,
for an instant, he could not even remember what its shape was to have been.
The tic came again. Dauth had a feeling of pressure building intolerably inside
him, of something restrained that demanded exit.
He stared toward the stone, and saw its form
drift away slowly into an inchoate gray sea; then nothing.
He turned stiffly toward the house. "Martha!" he called.
The clatter of the dishware answered him.
He stumbled forward, holding his arms away
from his body. "Martha!" he shouted. "I'm blind J"
"Correct me if I'm
wrong," said the dark man. "It seems to me that you'd only run into
trouble with the actual mental cases, the people who really have strong
complications. And, according to you, those are the only ones who should get
the treatment. Now, the average man doesn't have any compulsion to kill, or
steal, or what have you. He may be tempted to, once in his life. If somebody
stops him, that one time, will it do him any
harm?"
"For a minute or two, he will have been
insane," said Martyn. "But I agree with you that if that were the end
of it, no great harm would be done. At the Institute, the majority believe
that that will be the end of it. They're wrong, they're tragically wrong.
Because there's one provision that the Institue hasn't included in its program,
but that would be the first thought of any lawmaker in the world. Treatment against any attempt to overthrow
the government."
The dark man sat silent.
"And from there," said Martyn,
"it's only one short step to a tyranny that will last till the end of
time."
The other nodded.
"You're right," he said. "You are so right. What do you want me
to do?"
"Raise funds," said Martyn.
"At present the Institute is financed almost entirely by the members
themselves. We have barely enough to operate on a minimum scale, and expand
very slowly, opening one new center a year. Offer us a charitable
contribution—tax-deductible, remember—of half a million, and we'll grab it.
The catch is this: the donors, in return for such a large contribution, ask
the privilege of appointing three members to the Institute's board of directors.
There will be no objection to that, so long as my connection with the donation
is kept secret, because three members will not give the donors control. But it
will give me majority on this one issue—the second
stage of the Institute's program.
'This thing is like an epidemic. Give it a
few years, and nothing can stop it. But act now, and we can scotch it while
it's still small enough to handle."
.
"Good enough," said the dark man. "I won't promise to hand you
half a million tomorrow, but I know a few people Who might reach into their pockets if
I told them the score. I'll do what I can. I'll get you the money if I have to
steal it You can count on me."
Martyn smiled warmly, and caught the waiter
as he went by. "No, this is mine," he said, forestalling the little
man's gesture. "I wonder if you realize what a weight you've taken off my
shoulders?"
He paid, and they strolled out into the warm
summer night. "Incidentally," Martyn said, "there's an answer to
a point you brought up in passing—that the weakness of the treatment applies
only to the genuinely compulsive cases, where it's most needed. There are means
of getting around that, though not of making the treatment into a therapy. It's
a crutch, and that's all it will ever be. But for one example, we've recently
worked out a technique in which the analogue appears, not as a guardian but as
the object of the attack— when there is an attack. In that way, the patient
relieves himself instead of being further repressed, but he still doesn't harm
anybody but a phantom."
"It's going to be a great thing for
humanity," said the little man seriously, "instead of the terrible
thing it might have been except for you, Dr. Martyn. Good night!"
"Good night," said Martyn
gratefully. He watched the other disappear into the crowd, then walked toward
the £1.
It
was a wonderful night, and he was in no hurry.
The waiter whistled under his breath, as
unconscious of the conflicting melody the band was playing as he was of the air
he breathed. Philosophically, he picked up the two untouched drinks that stood
at one side of the table and drained them one after the other.
If a
well-dressed, smart-looking guy like that wanted to sit by himself all evening,
talking and buying drinks for somebody who wasn't there, was there any harm in
it?"
No harm at alL the waiter told himself.
The Available Data on the Worp Reaction
by
Lion
Miller
If the word "deadpan" had not already been invented, it probably
would have been to describe this little jape. It is a masterpiece of mock-seriousness, and also a proper
spoof on the heavy-handed styles of
thousands of pedantic
"official" bureaucratic historians. Oh, that anguished reference to
"insufficient data!"
T |
he earliest confirmed data on Aldous Worp, infant, indicates
that, while apparently normal in most physical respects, he was definitely
considered by neighbors, playmates, and family as a hopeless idiot. We know,
too, that he was a quiet child, of extremely sedentary habits. The only sound
he was ever heard to utter was a* shrill monosyllable, closely akin to the expression
"Whee!" and this only when summoned to meals or, less often, when his
enigmatic interest was aroused by an external stimulus, such as an odd-shaped
pebble, a stick, or one of his own knuckles.
Suddenly this child abandoned his accustomed
inactivity. Shortly after reaching his sixth birthday—the time is unfortunately
only approximate—Aldous Worp began a series of exploratory trips to the city
dump which was located to the rear of the Worp premises.
THE
AVAILABLE DATA ON THE WORP REACTION
145
After a few of these tours,
the lad returned to his home one afternoon dragging a large cogwheel. After
lengthy deliberation, he secreted said wheel within an unused chicken coop.
Thus began a project that did not end for
nearly twenty years. Young Worp progressed through childhood, boyhood and young
manhood, transferring thousands of metal objects, large and small, of nearly
every description, from the dump to the coop. Since any sort of formal schooling
was apparently beyond his mental capacity, his parents were pleased by the
activity that kept Aldous happy and content. Presumably they did not trouble
themselves with the esthetic problems involved.
As suddenly as he had begun it, Aldous Worp
abandoned his self-imposed task.
For nearly a year—again, the time is approximate
due to insufficient
data—Aldous Worp remained within the confines of the Worp
property. When not occupied with such basic bodily needs as eating and
sleeping, he moved slowly about his pile of debris with no apparent plan.
One morning he was observed by his father (as
we are told by the latter) to be selecting certain objects from the pile and
fitting them together.
It should be noted here, I think, that no
account of the Worp Reaction can be complete without certain direct quotations
from Aldous' father, Lambert Simnel Worp. Concerning the aforementioned
framework the elder Worp has said, "The thing that got me, was every
(deleted) piece he picked up fit with some other (deleted) piece. Didn't make
no (deleted) difference if it was a (deleted) bedspring or a (deleted) busted
egg beater, if the (deleted) kid stuck it on another (deleted) part, it stayed
there."
Concerning usage of tools by Aldous Worp, L.
S. Worp has deposed: "No tools."
A lengthier addendum is offered us by L. S.
Worp in reply to a query which I quote direct: "How in God's name did he
manage to cause separate parts to adhere to each other to make a whole?"
(Dr. Palmer) A. "The (deleted) stuff went together
tighter'n a mallard's (deleted), and nobody—but nobody, Mister, could get 'em apart."
It was obviously quite stable, since young
Aldous frequently clambered into the maze to add another "part,"
without disturbing its equilibrium in the slightest.
The foregoing, however sketchy, is all the
background we have to the climactic experiment itself. For an exact report of
the circumstances attendant upon the one "controlled" demonstration of
the Worp Reaction we are indebted to Major Herbert R. Armstrong, U. S. Army
Engineers, and Dr. Philip H. Eustace Cross, A. E. C, who were present.
It seems that, at exactly 10:46 a.m., Aldous Worp picked up a very old and very
rusty cogwheel . . . the very first object he bad retrieved from oblivion on
the junk-pile, so long ago when he was but a tad of six. After a moment's
hesitation, he climbed to the top of his jerry-built structure, paused, then
lowered himself into its depths. He disappeared from the sight of these trained
observers for several minutes. (Dr. Cross: 4 min., 59 sec. Maj. Armstrong: 5
min., 02 sec.). Finally Aldous reappeared, climbed down and stared fixedly at
his creation.
We now quote from the combined reports of
Maj. Armstrong and Dr. Cross: "After standing dazed-like for a few
minutes, Worp finally came very close to his assembly. There was a rod sticking
out with the brass ball of a bedpost fastened to it. Aldous Worp gave this a
slight tug. What happened then was utterly fantastic. First, we heard a
rushing sound, something like a waterfall. This sound grew appreciably louder
and, in about fifteen seconds, we saw a purplish glow emanate from beneath the contraption. Then, the whole congeries of
rubbish arose into the air for a height of about three meters and hung there,
immobile. The lad Aldous jumped around with every semblance of glee and we
distinctly heard him remark "Wheel' three times. Then he went to one side
of the phenomenon, reached down arid turned over the rusty wheel of a coffee mill
and his 'machine' slowly settled to earth."
There was, of course, considerable excitement. Representatives of the
Armed Services, the Press Services, the A. E.
C, various Schools for Advanced Studies, et al. arrived
in droves. Communication with Aldous Worp was impossible since the young man
had never learned to talk. L. S. Worp, however profane, was an earnest and
sincere gentleman, anxious to be of service to his country; but the above
quotations from his conversations will indicate how little light he was able to
shed on the problem. Efforts to look inside the structure availed little, since
the closest and most detailed analysis could elicit no other working hypothesis
than "it's all nothing but a bunch of junk" (Dr. Palmer). Further,
young Worp obviously resented such investigations.
THE AVAILABLE DATA ON THE WORP RÉACTION l47
However, he took great
delight in operating his machine and repeatedly demonstrated the
"reaction" to all beholders.
The most exhaustive tests, Geiger,
electronic, Weisendonk, litmus, et al. revealed
nothing.
Finally, the importunities of the press could
no longer be denied and early in the afternoon of the second day, tele-casters
arrived on the scene.
Aldous Worp surveyed them for a moment, then
brought his invention back to earth. With a set look on his face, he climbed to
its top, clambered down into its bowels and, in due course, reappeared with the
ancient cogwheel. This be carefully placed in its original resting place in
the chicken coop. Systematically, and in order of installation, he removed each
part from his structure and carefully returned it to
its
original place in the original heap by the chicken coop.
Today, the components parts of the whole that
was Worp's Reaction are scattered. For, silently ignoring the almost hysterical
pleas of the men of science and of the military, Aldous Worp, after dismantling
his machine completely and piling all parts in and over the chicken coop, then
took upon himself the onerous task of transporting them, one by one, back to
their original place in the city dump.
Now, unmoved by an occasional berating by L. S.
Worp, silent before an infrequent official interrogation, Aldous Worp sits on a
box in the back yard of his ancestral home, gazing serenely out over the city
dump. Once in a very great while his eyes light up for a moment and he says
"Whee!" very quietly.
The Skills of Xanadu
by
Theodore
Sturgeon
Here
is The Final Invention, at least from the point of view of' humanity as
we know it. It is the Gadget that
makes all other Gadgets obsolete. It is the apotheosis of a type of daydream,
or " hypnogogic hallucination," as the psychologists call them, that
many of us explore in our wilder
flights of fancy: the "magic
wand" that leads to instant self-fulfilment
and species perfection. It is a
beautiful invention, too.
A |
ND the Sun went nova and humanity fragmented and
fled; and such is the self-knowledge of humankind that it knew it must guard
its past as it guarded its being, or it would cease to be human; and such was
its pride in itself that it made of its traditions a ritual and a standard.
The great dream was that wherever humanity
settled, fragment by fragment by fragment, however it lived, it would continue
rather than begin again, so that all through the Universe and the years, humans
would be humans, speaking as humans, thinking as humans, aspiring and
progressing as humans; and whenever human met human, no matter how different,
how distant, he would come in peace, meet his own kind, speak his own tongue.
Humans, however, being humans—
Bril emerged near the pink star, disliking
its light, and found the fourth planet. It hung waiting for him like an exotic
fruit. (And was it ripe, and could he ripen it? And what if it were poison?) He
left his machine in orbit and descended in a bubble. A young savage watched him
come and waited by a waterfall.
"Earth was my mother," said Bril
from the bubble. It was the formal greeting of all humankind, spoken in the Old
Tongue.
"And my father," said the savage, in an atrocious accent
Watchfully, Bril emerged from the bubble, but
stood very close by it. He completed his part of the ritual. "I respect
the disparity- of our wants, as individuals, and greet you."
"I respect the indentity of our needs,
as humans, and greet you. I am Wonyne," said the youth, "son of Tanync, of the Senate, and Nina. This place is Xanadu,
the district, on Xanadu, the fourth planet."
"I am Bril of Kit Carson, second planet
of the Sumner/ System, and a member of the Sole Authority," said the newcomer,
adding, "and I come in peace."
He waited then, to see if the savage would
discard any weapons he might have, according to historic protocol. Wonyne did
not; he apparently had none. He wore only a cobwebby tunic and a broad belt
made of flat, black, brilliantly polished stones and could hardly have
concealed so much as a dart. Bril waited yet another moment, watching the untroubled
face of the savage, to see if Wonyne suspected anything of the arsenal hidden
in the sleek black uniform, the gleaming jackboots, the metal gauntlets.
Wonyne said only, "Then, in peace,
welcome." He smiled. "Come with me to Tanyne's house and mine, and be
refreshed."
"You say Tanyne, your father, is a
Senator? Is he active now? Could he help me to reach your center of
government?"
The youth paused, his lips moving slightly,
as if he were translating the dead language into another tongue. Then,
"Yes. Oh, yes."
Bril flicked his left gauntlet with his right
fingertips and the bubble sprang away and up, where at length it would join the
ship until it was needed. Wonyne was not amazed—probably, thought Bril,
because it was beyond bis understanding.
Bril followed the youth up a winding path
past a wonderland of flowering plants, most of them purple, some white, a few
scarlet, and all jeweled by the waterfall. The higher reaches ofrthe
path were flanked by thick soft grass, red as they approached, pale pink as
they passed.
Bril's narrow black eyes flicked everywhere,
saw and recorded everything: the easy-breathing boy spring up the slope ahead,
and the constant shifts of color in his gossamer garment as the wind touched
it; the high trees, some of which might conceal a man or a weapon; the rock
outcroppings and what oxides they told of; the birds he could see and the
bird-songs he heard which might be something else.
He
was a man who missed only the obvious, and there is so little that is obvious.
Yet he was not prepared for the house; he and
the boy were halfway across the parklike land which surrounded it before he
recognized it as such.
It seemed to have no margins. It was here
high and there only a place between flower beds; yonder a room became a
terrace, and elsewhere a lawn was a carpet because there was a roof over it. The
house was divided into areas rather than rooms, by open grilles and by
arrangements of color. Nowhere was there a wall. There was nothing to hide
behind and nothing that could be locked. All the land, all the sky, looked into
and through the house, and the house was one great window on the world.
Seeing it, Bril felt a slight shift in his
opinion of the natives. His feeling was still one of contempt, but now he
added suspicion. A cardinal dictum on humans as he knew them was: Every man bos something to bide. Seeing a mode of living like this did not
make him change his dictum: he simply increased his watchfulness, asking: How do
they hide it?
"Tan! Tan!" the boy was shouting.
"I've brought a friend!"
A man and a woman strolled toward them from a
garden. The man was huge, but otherwise so like the youth Wonyne that there
could be no question of their relationship. Both had long, narrow, clear gray
eyes set very wide apart, and red— almost orange—hair. The noses were strong
and delicate at the same time, their mouths thin-lipped but wide and
good-natured.
But the woman—
It
was a long time before Bril could let himself look, let himself believe that
there was such a woman. After his first • glance, he made of her only a
presence and fed himself small
nibbles
of belief in his eyes, in the fact that there could be hair like that, face,
voice, body. She was dressed, like her husband and the boy, in the smoky
kaleidoscope which resolved itself, when the wind permitted, into a
black-belted tunic.
"He is Bril of Kit Carson in the Sumner
System," babbled the boy, "and he's a member of the Sole Authority
and it's the second planet and he knew the greeting and got it right. So did
I," he added, laughing. "This is Tanyne, of the Senate, and my mother
Nina."
"You are welcome, Bril of Kit
Carson," she said to him; and unbelieving in this way that had come upon
him, he took away his gaze and inclined his head.
"You
must come in," said Tanyne cordially, and led the
way
through an arbor which was
not the separate arch it appeared to be,
but an entrance.
The room was wide, wider at one end than the
other, through it was hard to determine by how much. The floor was uneven,
graded upward toward one corner, where it was a mossy bank. Scattered here and
there were what the eye said were white and striated gray boulders; the hand
would say they were flesh. Except for a few shelf- and tablelike niches on
these and in the bank, they were the only furniture.
Water ran frothing and gurgling through the
room, apparently as an open brook; but Bril saw Nina's bare foot tread on the
invisible covering that followed it down to the pool at the other end. The pool
was the one he had seen from outside, indeterminately in and out of the house.
A large tree grew by the pool and leaned its heavy branches toward the bank,
and evidently its wide-flung limbs were webbed and tented between by the same
invisible substance which covered the brook. It formed the only cover overhead
yet, to the ear, it felt like
a ceiling.
The whole effect was, to Bril, intensely
depressing, and he surprised himself with a flash of homesickness for the tall
steel cities of his home planet.
Nina smiled and left them. Bril followed his
host's example and sank down on the ground, or floor, where it became a bank,
or wall. Inwardly, Bril rebelled at the lack of decisiveness, of discipline,
of dear-cut limitation inherent in such haphazard design as this. But he was
well trained and quite prepared, at first, to keep his feelings to himself
among barbarians.
"Nina will join us in a moment,"
said Tanyne.
Bril, who had been watching
the woman's swift movements across the courtyard through the transparent wall
opposite, controlled a start. "I am unused to your ways, and wondered what
she was doing," he said.
"She is preparing a meal for you," explained Tanyne.
"Herself?"
Tanyne and his son gazed wonderingly.
"Does that seem unusual to you?"
"I understood the lady was wife to a
Senator," said Bril. It seemed adequate as an explanation, but only to him. He looked from the
boy's face to the man's. "Perhaps I understand something different when I
use the term 'Senator.' "
"Perhaps you do. Would you tell us what
a Senator is on the planet Kit Carson ?"
"He is a member of the Senate, subservient to the Sole Authority, and in turn leader of a free
Nation."
"And his wife?"
."His wife shares his privileges. She
might serve a member of the Sole Authority, but hardly anyone else—certainly
not an unidentified stranger."
"Interesting," said Tanyne, while
the boy murmured the astonishment he had not expressed at Bril's bubble, or
Bril himself. "Tell me, have you not identified yourself, then?"
"He did, by the waterfall," the youth insisted.
"I gave you no proof," said Bril
stiffly. He watched father and son exchange a glance. "Credentials,
written authority." He touched the flat pouch hung on his power belt.
Wonyne asked ingenuously, "Do the
credentials say you are not Bril of Kit Carson in the Sumner
System?"
Bril frowned at him, and Tanyne said gently, "Wonyne, take care." To Bril, he said,
"Surely there are many differences between us, as there always are between
different worlds. But I am certain of this one similarity: the young at times
run straight where wisdom has built a winding path."
Bril sat silently and thought this out. It
was probably some sort of apology, he decided, and gave a single sharp nod.
Youth, he thought, was an attenuated defect here. A boy Wonyne's age would be a
soldier on Carson, ready for a soldier's work, and no one would be apologizing
for him, Nor would he be making blunders. None!
He said, "These credentials are for your
officials when I meet with them. By the way, when can that be?"
Tanyne shrugged his wide shoulders. "Whenever you like."
"The
sooner the better." "Very well." "Is it far?"
Tanyne
seemed perplexed. "Is what far?"
"Your
capital, or wherever it is your Senate meets."
"Oh, I see. It doesn't meet, in the
sense you mean. It is always in session, though, as they used to say.
We—"
He compressed his lips and made a liquid,
bisyllabic sound. Then he laughed. "I do beg your pardon," he said
warmly. "The Old Tongue lacks certain words, certain concepts. What is
your word for—er—the-presence-of-all-in-the-presence-of -one ?"
"I think," said Bril carefully,
"that we had better go back to the subject at hand. Are you saying that
your Senate does not meet in some official
place, at
some appointed time?"
"I—" Tan hesitated, then nodded.
"Yes, that is true as far as it—"
"And there is no possibility of my
addressing your Senate in person?"
"I didn't say that." Tan tried
twice to express the thought, while Bril's eyes slowly narrowed. Tan suddenly
burst into laughter. "Using the Old Tongue to tell old tales and to speak
with a friend are two different things," he said ruefully. "I wish
you would learn, our speech. Would you, do you suppose? It is rational and well
based on what you know. Surely you have another language besides the Old Tongue
on Kit Carson?"
"I honor the Old
Tongue," said Bril stiffly, dodging the question. Speaking very slowly, as
if to a retarded child, he said, "I should like to know when I may be
taken to those in authority here, in order to discuss certain planetary and
interplanetary matters with them."
"Discuss
them with me."
"You
are a Senator," Bril said, in a tone which meant clearly: You are only a Senator. "True," said Tanyne.
With forceful patience, Bril asked, "And
what is a Senator here?"
"A contact point between the people of
his district and the people everywhere. One who knows the special problems of a
small section of the planet and can relate them to planetary policy."
"And
whom does the Senate serve?"
"The people,"
said Tanyne, as if he had been asked to repeat himself!
"Yes,
yes, of course. And who, then, serves the Senate?" "The
Senators."
Bril closed his eyes and barely controlled
the salty syllable which welled up inside him. "Who," he inquired
steadily, "is your Government?"
The boy had been watching them eagerly,
alternately, like a devotee at some favorite fast ball game. Now he asked,
"What's a Government?"
Nina's intersiption at that point was most
welcome to Bril. She came across the terrace from the covered area where she had
been doing mysterious things at a long work-surface in the garden. She carried
an enormous tray—guided it, rather, as Bril saw when she came closer. She kept
three fingers under the tray and one behind it, barely touching it with her
palm. Either the transparent wall of the room disappeared as she approached, or
she passed through a section where there was none.
"I do hope you find something to your
taste among these," she said cheerfully, as she brought the tray down to a
hummock near Bril. "This is the flesh of birds, this of small mammals,
and, over here, fish. These cakes are made of four kinds of grain, and the
white cakes here of just one, the one we call milk-wheat. Here is water, and
these two are wines, and this one is a distilled spirit we call
warm-ears."
Bril, keeping his eyes on the food, and
trying to keep his universe from filling up with the sweet fresh scent of her
as she bent over him, so near, said, "This is welcome."
She crossed to her husband and sank down at
his feet, leaning back against his legs. He twisted her heavy hair gently in
his fingers and she flashed a small smile up at him. Bril looked from the food,
colorful as a corsage, here steaming, there gathering frost from the air, to
the three smiling expectant faces, and did not know what to do.
"Yes, this is welcome," he said
again, and still they sat there, watching him. He picked up the white cake and
rose, looked out and around, into the house, through it and beyond. Where could
one go in such a place ?
Steam from the tray touched his nostrils and
saliva filled his mouth. He was hungry, but...
He sighed, sat down, gently replaced the
cake. He tried to smile and could not
"Does none of it please you?" asked Nina, concerned.
"I can't eat here!" said Bril;
then, sensing something in the natives that had not been there before, he
added, "thank you." Again he looked at their controlled faces. He
said to Nina, "It is very well prepared and good to look on."
"Then eat," she invited, smiling again.
This did something that their house, their
garments, their appallingly easy ways—sprawling all over the place, letting
their young speak up at will, the shameless admission that they had a patois of
their own—that none of these things had been able to do. Without losing his
implacable dignity by any slightest change of expression, he yet found himself
blushing. Then he scowled and let the childish display turn to a flush of
anger. He would be glad, he thought furiously, when he had the heart of this
culture in the palm
of his hand, to squeeze
when he willed; then there would be an end to these hypocritical amenities and
they would learn who could be humiliated.
But these three faces, the boy's so open and
unconscious of wrong, Tanyne's so strong and anxious for him, Nina's—that face,
that face of Nina's—they were all utterly guileless. He must not let them know
of his embarrassment. If they had planned it, he must not give them the
satisfaction. And if they had not planned it, he must not let them suspect his
vulnerability.
With an immense effort of will, he kept his
voice low; still, it was harsh. "I think," he said slowly, "that
we on Kit Carson regard the matter of privacy perhaps a little more highly
than you do."
They exchanged an astonished look, and then
comprehen-
sion dawned visibly on Tanyne's ruddy face. "You don't eat
together!" *
Bril did not shudder, but it was in his word: "No."
"Oh," said Nina, "I'm so sorry!"
Bril thought it wise not to discover exactly
what she was sorry about. He said, "No matter. Customs differ. I shall eat
when I am alone."
"Now that we understand," said Tanyne, "go ahead.
Eat"
But they sat there!
"Oh," said Nina, "I wish you
spoke our other language; it would be so easy to explain!" She leaned
forward to him, put out her arms, as if she could draw meaning itself from the
air and cast it over him, "Please try to understand, Bril. You are very
mistaken about one thing—we honor privacy above almost anything else."
"We don't mean the same thing when we say it," said Bril.
"It means aloneness with oneself,
doesn't it? It means to do things, think or make or just be, without intrusion."
"Unobserved," said Bril.
"So?" replied Wonyne happily,
throwing out both hands in a gesture that said quod erat demonstrandum. "Go on then—eat! We won't look!"
and helped the situation not at all.
"Wonyne's right," chuckled the
father, "but, as usual, a little too direct. He means we can't look, Bril.
If you want privacy, we
can't see you."
Angry, reckless, Brill suddenly reached to
the tray. He snatched up a
goblet, the one she had indicated as water, thumbed a capsule out of his belt,
popped it into his mouth, drank and swallowed. He banged the goblet back on the
tray and shouted, "Now you've seen all you're going to see."
With an indescribable expression, Nina drifted upward to her feet, bent
like a dancer and touched the tray. It lifted and she guided it away across the
courtyard.
"All right," said Wonyne. It was
precisely as if someone had spoken and he had acknowledged. He lounged out, following
his mother.
What had
been on her face?
Something she could not contain; something
rising to that smooth surface, about to reveal outlines, break-through . . .
anger? Bril hoped so. Insult? He could, he supposed, understand that.
But—laughter? Don't
make it laughter, something
within him pleaded.
"Bril," said Tanyne.
For the second time, he was
so lost in contemplation of the woman that Tanyne's voice made him start. "What is it?"
"If you will tell me what arrangements
you would like for eating, I'll see to it that you get them."
"You wouldn't know how," said Brill
bluntly. He threw his sharp, cold gaze across the room and back. "You
people don't build walls you can't see through, doors you can close."
"Why, no, we don't." As always, the
giant left the insult and took only the words.
I bet you don't, Bril said silently, not even for—and a horrible suspicion began to grow
within him. "We of Kit Carson feel that all human history and development
are away from the animal, toward something higher. We are, of course,
chained to the animal state, but we do what we can to eliminate every animal
act as a public spectacle." Sternly, he waved a shining gauntlet at the
great open house. "You have apparently not reached such an idealization.
I have seen how you eat; doubtless you perform your other functions so
openly."
"Oh, yes," said Tanyne. "But
with this—" he pointed— "it's hardly the same thing."
"With what?"
Tanyne again indicated one of the boulderlike
objects. He tore off a dump of moss—it was real moss—and tossed it to the soft
surface of one of
the boulders. He reached down and touched one of the gray streaks. The moss
sank into the surface the way a pebble will in quicksand, but much faster.
"It will not accept living animal matter
above a certain level of complexity," he explained, "but it instantly
absorbs every molecule of anything else, not only on the surface but for a
distance above."
"And that's a—a—where you—"
Tan nodded and said that that was exactly what it was.
"But—anyone can see you\"
Tan shrugged and smiled. "How? That's
what I meant when I said it's hardly the same thing. Of eating, we make a social occasion. But this—" he threw another dump of moss and
watched it vanish—"just isn't observed." His sudden laugh rang out
and again he said, "I wish you'd
learn the language. Such a thing is so easy to express."
But Bril was concentrating on something else.
"I appreciate your hospitality," he said, using the phrase
stiltedly, "but I'd like to be moving on." He eyed-the boulder
distastefully. "And very soon."
"As you wish. You have a message for Xanadu. Deliver it, then."
"To your Government."
"To our Government I told you before,
Bril—when you're ready, proceed."
"I cannot believe that you alone represent this planet!
"Neither can I," said Tanyne
pleasantly. "I don't. Through me, you can speak to forty-one others, all
Senators."
"Is there no other way?"
Tanyne smiled. "Forty-one other ways.
Speak to any of the others. It amounts to the same thing."
"And no higher government body?"
Tanyne reached out a long arm and plucked a
goblet from a niche in the moss bank. It was chased crystal
with a luminous metallic rim.
"Finding the highest point of the
government of Xanadu is like finding the highest point on this," he said.
He ran a finger around the inside of the rim and the
goblet chimed beautifully.
"Pretty unstable," growled Bril.
Tanyne made it sing again and replaced it;
whether that was an answer or not, Bril could not know.
He snorted, "No wonder the boy didn't
know what Government was."
"We don't use the term," said
Tanyne. "We don't need it. There are few things
here that a citizen can't handle for himself; I wish I could show you how
few. If you'll live with us a while, I will show you."
-He caught Bril's eye squarely as it returned
from another disgusted and apprehensive trip to the boulder, and laughed
outright. But the kindness in his voice as he went on quenched Bril's upsurge
of indignant fury, and a little question curled up: Is be managing me? But there wasn't time to look at it.
"Can your business wait until you know
us, Bril? I tell you now, there is no centralized Government here, almost no
government at all; we of the Senate are advisory. I tell you, too, that to
speak to one Senator is to speak to all, and that you may do it now, this
minute, or a year from now—whenever you like. I am telling you the truth and
you may accept it or you may spend months, years, traveling this planet and
checking up on me; you'll always come out with the same answer."
Noncommittally, Bril said, "How do I
know that what I tell you is accurately relayed to the others?"
"It isn't relayed," said Tan
frankly. "We all hear it simultaneously."
"Some sort of radio?"
Tan hesitated, then nodded. "Some sort of radio."
"I won't learn your language," Bril
said abruptly. "I can't live as you do. If you can accept those
conditions, I will stay a short while."
"Accept? We insist!" Tanyne bounded cheerfully to the niche where the
goblet stood and held his palm up. A large, opaque sheet of a shining white
material rolled down and
stopped. "Draw with your
finger," he said. "Draw? Draw what?"
"A place of your own. How
you would
like to live, eat, sleep, everything."
"I require very little.
None of us on Kit
Carson do." He pointed the finger
of his
gauntlet like a weapon, made
a couple of dabs in the
corner of the screen to
test the line, and then dashed
off a
very creditable parallelopiped.
'Taking my height as one unit,
I'd want
this one-and-a-half long, one-and-a-quarter high. Slit vents at
eye level,
one at
each end, two on each side,
screened against insects—"
"We have
no preying
insects," said Tanyne.
"Screened anyway,
and with
as near
an unbreakable
mesh as you have. Here a
hook suitable for hanging a
garment Here a bed, flat, hard,
with firm padding as thick
as my
hand, one-and-one-eighth units long,
one-third wide. All sides under
the bed enclosed and
equipped as a locker, impregnable,
and to which only I have
the key
or combination.
Here a shelf one-third by one-quarter
units, one-half unit off the
floor, suitable for eating
from a seated posture.
"One of—those, if it's
self-contained and reliable,"
he said
edgily, casting a thumb
at the
boulderlike convenience. "The whole
structure to be separate from
all others
on high
ground and overhung by nothing—no trees, no cliffs, with
approaches dear and visible
from all sides; as strong
as speed
permits; and equipped with a light
I can
turn off and a door
that only I can unlock."
"Very well,"
said Tanyne easily. 'Temperature?"
'The same
as this
spot now."
"Anything else?
Music? Pictures? We have some
fine moving-"
Bril, from the top of his
dignity, snorted his most eloquent
snort "Water, if you
can manage
it. As
to those
other things, this is a dwelling,
not a
pleasure palace."
"I hope you will be comfortable
in this—in
it," said Tanyne, with barely a
trace of sarcasm.
"It is
precisely what I am used
to," Bril answered loftily.
"Come, then.'
"What?"
The big man waved him on
and passed
through the arbor. Bril, blinking in
the late
pink sunlight, followed him
On the gentle slope above the
house, halfway between it and the
mountain top beyond, was a
meadow of the red grass
Bril
had noticed on his way from the waterfall. In the center of this meadow was a
crowd of people, bustling like moths around a light, their flimsy, colorful
clothes flashing and gleaming in a thousand shades. And in the middle of the
crowd lay a coffin-shaped object.
Bril could not believe bis eyes, then
stubbornly would not, and at last, as they came near, yielded and admitted it
to himself: this was the structure he had just sketched.
He walked more and more slowly as the wonder
of it grew on him He watched the people—children, even—swarming around
and over the little building, sealing the edge between roof and wall with a
humming device, laying screen on the slit-vents. A little girl, barely a
toddler, came up to him fearlessly and in lisping Old Tongue asked for his hand,
which she dapped to a tablet she carried.
'To make your keys," explained Tanyne,
watching the child scurry off to a man waiting at the door.
He took the tablet and disappeared inside,
and they could see him kneel by the bed. A young boy overtook them and
ran past, carrying a sheet of the same material the roof and walls were made
of. It seemed light, but its slightly rough, pale-tan surface gave an
impression of great toughness. As they drew up at the door, they saw the boy
take the material and set it in position between the end of the bed and the
doorway. He aligned it carefully, pressing it against the wall, and struck it
once with the heel of his hand, and there was Bril's required table, level,
rigid, and that without braces and supports.
"You seemed to like the looks of some of
this, anyway." It was Nina, with her tray. She floated it to the new
table, waved cheerfully and left.
"With you in a moment," Tan called,
adding three singing syllables in the Xanadu tongue which were, Bril conduded,
an endearment of some kind; they certainly sounded like it Tan turned back to him, smiling.
"Well, Bril, how is it?"
Bril could only ask, "Who gave the orders?"
"You did," said Tan, and there
didn't seem to be any answer to that.
Already, through the open
door, he could see the crowd drifting away, laughing and singing their sweet
language to each other. He saw a young man scoop up scarlet flowers from the
pink sward and hand thpm to a smiling girl, and unaccountably the
scene annoyed him. He turned away abruptly and went about the walls, thumping
them and peering through the vents. Tanyne knelt by the bed, his big shoulders
bulging as he tugged at the locker. It might as well have been solid rock.
"Put your hand there," he said,
pointing, and Bril clapped his gauntlet to the plate he indicated.
Sliding panels parted. Bril got down and
peered inside. It had its own light, and he could see the burl-colored wall of
the structure at the back and the heavy filleted partition which formed the bed
uprights. He touched the panel again and the doors slid silently shut, so tight
that he could barely see their meeting.
"The door's the same," said Tanyne.
"No one but you can open it. Here's water. You didn't say where to put it-
If this is inconvenient..."
When Bril put his hand near the spigot, water
flowed into a catch basin beneath. "No, that is satisfactory. They work
like specialists."
"They are," said Tanyne.
"Then they have built such a strange
structure before?" "Never."
Bril looked at him sharply. This ingenuous barbarian surely could not be making a fool of him by design! No, this must be some slip of semantics, some shift in
meaning over the years which separated each of them from the common ancestor.
He would not forget it, but he set it aside for future thought.
"Tanyne," he asked suddenly,
"how many are you in Xanadu?"
"In the district, three hundred. On the
planet, twelve, almost thirteen thousand."
"We are one and a half billions,"
said Bril. "And what is your largest city?"
"Gty," said Tanyne, as if searching
through the files of his memory. "Oh—city! We have none. There are
forty-two districts hike this one, some larger, some smaller."
"Your entire planetary population could
be housed in one building within one city on Kit Carson. And how many generations
have your people been here?"
'"Thirty-two, thirty-five, something
like that."
"We settled Kit Carson not quite six
Earth centuries ago. In point of time, then, it would seem that yours is the
older culhire. Wouldn't you be interested in how we have been able to
accomplish so much more?" "Fascinated," said Tanyne.
"You
have some clever little handicrafts here," Bril mused, "and a quite
admirable cooperative ability. You could make a formidable thing of this world,
if you wanted to, and if you had the proper guidance."
"Oh,
could we really?" Tanyne seemed very pleased.
"I
must think," said Bril somberly. "You are not what I— what I had
supposed. Perhaps I shall stay a little longer than I had planned. Perhaps
while I am learning about your people, you in turn could be learning about
mine.''
"Delighted,"
said Tanyne. "Now is there anything else you need?"
"Nothing. You
may leave me."
His autocratic tone gained him only one of
the big man's pleasant, open-faced smiles. Tanyne waved his hand and left Bril
heard him calling his wife in ringing baritone notes,
and her glad answer. He set his mailed hand against the door plate and it slid
shut silently.
Now what, he asked himself, got me to do
all that bragging? Then
the astonishment at the people of Xanadu rose up and answered the question for
him. What manner of
eople are specialists at something they have
never done
efore?
He got out of his stiff, polished, heavy
uniform, his gauntlets, his boots. They were all wired together, power supply
in the boots, controls and computers in the trousers and belt, sensory mechs in the tunic, projectors and field loci in the
gloves.
He hung the clothes on the hook provided and
set the alarm field for anything larger than a mouse any closer than thirty
meters. He dialed a radiation dome to cover his structure and exclude all spy
beams or radiation weapons. Then he swung his left gauntlet on its cable over
to the table and went to work on one small corner.
In half an hour, he had found a combination
of heat and
S |
ressure
that would destroy the pale brown board, and he sat own on the edge of the bed,
limp with amazement. You could build a spaceship with stuff like this.
Now he had to believe that they had it in
stock sizes exactly to his specifications, which would mean warehouses and manufacturing
facilities capable of making up those and innumerable other sizes; or he had
to believe that they had machinery capable of making what his torches had just
destroyed, in job lots, right now.
But they didn't have any industrial plant to
speak of, and if they had warehouses, they had them where the Kit Carson robot
scouts had been unable to detect them in their orbiting for the last fifty
years.
Slowly he lay down to think.
To acquire a planet, you locate the central
government. If it is an autocracy, organized tightly up to the peak, so much
the better; the peak is small and you kill it or control it and use the
organization. If there is no government at all, you recruit the people or you
exterminate them. If there is plant, you run it with overseers and make the
natives work it until you can train your own people to it and
eliminate the natives. If there are skills,
you learn them or you
control those who
have them. All in the book; a rule for every eventuality, every possibility.
But what if, as the robots reported, there
was high technology and no plant? Planetwide cultural stability and almost no
communications ?
WelL nobody ever heard of such a thing, so when the robots report it,
you send an investigator. All he has to find out is how they do it. All he has
to do is to parcel up what is to be kept and what eliminated when the time
comes for an expeditionary force.
There's always one dean way out, thought
Bril, putting his hands behind his head and looking up at the tough ceiling.
Item, one Earth-normal planet, rich in natural resources, sparsely populated by
innocents. You can always simply exterminate them.
But not before you find out how they
communicate, how they cooperate, and how they spedalize in skills they never
tried before. How they manufacture superior materials out of thin air in no
time.
He had a sudden heady vision of Kit Carson
equipped as these people were, a billion and a half universal specialists with
some heretofore unsuspected method of intercommunication, capable of building
cities, fighting wars, with the measureless skill and split-second
understanding and obedience with which this little house had been built.
No, these people must not be exterminated.
They must be used. Kit Carson had to learn their tricks. If the tricks were —he
hoped not!—inherent in Xanadu and beyond the Carson abilities, then what would
be the next best thing?
Why, a cadre of the Xanadu, scattered through
the cities and armies of Kit Carson, instantly obedient, instantly trainable.
Instruct one and you teach them all; each could teach a group of Kit Carson's
finest Production, logistics, strategy, tactics—he saw it all in a flash.
Xanadu might be left almost exactly as is,
except for its new export—aides de camp.
Dreams,
these are only dreams, he told
himself sternly. Wait
until you know more. Watch them make impregnable bardboard and anti-grav
tea-trays.
The thought of the tea-tray made his stomach
growl. He got up and went to it. The hot food steamed, the cold was still
frosty and firm. He picked, he tasted. Then he bit Then he gobbled.
Nina, that Nina ...
No, they can't be exterminated, he thought
drowsily, not when they can produce such a woman. In all of Kit Carson, there
wasn't a cook like that
He
lay down again and dreamed, and dreamed until he fell asleep.
They were completely frank. They showed him
everything, and it apparently never occurred to them to ask him why he wanted
to know. Asking was strange, because they seemed to lack that special pride of
accomplishment one finds in the skilled potter, metalworker, electronirian, an
attitude of "Isn't it remarkable that I can do it!" They gave
information accurately but impersonally, as if anyone could do it
And on Xanadu, anyone could.
At first, it seemed to Bril totally
disorganized. These attractive people in their indecent garments came and
went, mingling play and work and loafing, without apparent plan. But their
play would take them through a flower-garden just where the weeds were, and
they would take the weeds along. There seemed to be a group of girls playing
jacks right outside the place they would suddenly be needed to sort some
seeds.
Tanyne tried to explain it: "Say we have
a shortage of something—oh, strontium, for example. The shortage itself creates
a sort of vacuum. People without anything special to do feel it; they think
about strontium. They come, they gather it"
"But I have seen no
mines," Bril said puzzledly. "And what about shipping? Suppose the
shortage is here and the mines in another district?"
"That never happens any more. Where
there are deposits, of course, there are no shortages. Where there are none, we
find other ways, either to use something else, or to produce it without
mines."
'Transmute it?"
"Too much trouble. No, we breed a
fresh-water shellfish with a strontium carbonate shell instead of calcium
carbonate. The children gather them for us when we need it."
He saw their clothing industry—part shed,
part cave, part forest glen. There was a pool there where the young people swam, and a field where they sunned
themselves. Between times, they went into the shadows and worked by a huge
vessel where chemicals occasionally boiled, turned bright green, and then
precipitated. The black precipitate was raised from the bottom of the vessel on
screens, dumped into forms and pressed.
Just how the presses—little more than lids
for the forms— operated, the Old Tongue couldn't tell him, but in four or five
seconds the precipitate had turned into the black stones used in their belts,
formed and polished, with a chemical formula in Old Tongue script cut into the
back of the left buckle.
"One of our few
supersitions," said Tanyne. "It's the formula for the belts—even a
primitive chemistry could make them. We would like to see them copied,
duplicated all over the Universe. They are what we are. Wear one, Bril. You
would be one of us, then."
Bril snorted in embarrassed contempt and went
to watch two children deftly making up the belts, as easily, and with the same
idle pleasure, as they might be making flower necklaces in a minute or two. As
each was assembled, the child would strike it against his own belt. All the
colors there are would appear each time this happened, in a brief, brilliant,
cool flare. Then the belt, now with a short trim of vague tongued light, was
tossed in a bin.
Probably the only time Bril
permitted himself open astonishment on Xanadu was the first time he saw one of
the natives put on this garment. It was. a young man, come dripping from the
pool. He snatched up a belt from the bank and clasped it around his waist, and
immediately color and substance flowed up and down, a flickering, changing
collar for him, a moving coruscant kilt.
"It's alive, you see," said Tanyne.
"Rather, it is not nonliving matter."
He put his fingers under the hem of his own
kilt and forced his fingers up and outward. They penetrated the fabric, which
fluttered away—untorn.
"It is not," he said gravely,
"altogether material, if you will forgive an Old Tongue pun. The nearest
Old Tongue term for it is 'aura.' Anyway, it lives, in its way. It maintains
itself for—oh, a year or more. Then dip it in lactic acid and it is refreshed
again. And just one of them could activate a million belts or a billion—how
many sticks can a fire burn?"
"But why wear such a thing?"
Tanyne laughed. "Modesty." He
laughed again. "A scholar of the very old times, on Earth before the Nova,
passed on to me the words of one Rudofsky: 'Modesty is not so simple a virtue
as honesty.' We wear these because they are warm when we need warmth, and
because they conceal some defects some of the time—surely all one can ask of
any human affectation."
"They are certainly not modest," said Bril stiffly.
"They express modesty just to the extent
that they make us more pleasant to look at with than without them. What
more-public expression of humility could you want than that?"
Bril turned his back on Tanyne and the
discussion. He understood Tanyne's words and ways imperfectly to begin with,
and this kind of talk left him bewildered, or unreached, or both.
He found out about the
hardboard. Hanging from the limb of a tree was a large vat of milky fluid—the
paper, Tan explained, of a wasp they had developed, dissolved in one of the
nucleic acids which they synthesized from a native weed. Under the vat was a
flat metal plate and a set of movable fences. These were arranged in the
desired shape and thickness of the finished panel, and then a cock was opened
and the fluid ran in and filled the enclosure. Thereupon two small children
pushed a roller by hand across the top of the fences. The white lake of fluid
turned pale brown and solidified, and that was the hardboard.
Tanyne tried his best to explain to Bril about
that roller, but the Old Tongue joined forces with Bril's technical ignorance
and made the explanation incomprehensible. The coating of the roller was as
simple in design, and as complex in theory, as a transistor, and Bril had to
iet it go at that, as he did with the selective analysis of the boulderlike
"plumbing" and the anti-grav food trays (which, he discovered, had
to be guided outbound, but which "homed" on the kitchen-area when
empty).
He had less luck, as the days went by, in
discovering the nature of the skills of Xanadu. He had been quite ready to
discard his own dream as a fantasy, an impossibility—the strange idea that what
any could do, all could do. Tanyne tried to explain; at least, he answered
every one of Bril's questions.
These wandering, indolent, joyful people could
pick up anyone's
work at any stage and carry it to any degree. One would pick up a flute and play a few notes, and others would stroll over, some with instruments and some
without, and soon another instrument and another would join in, until there
were fifty or sixty and the music was like a passion or a storm, or after-love
or sleep when you think back on it.
And sometimes the bystanders would step
forward and take an instrument from the hands of someone who was tiring, and
play on with all the rest, pure and harmonious; and, no, Tan would aver, he
didn't think they'd ever played that particular piece of music before, those
fifty or sixty people.
It always got down to feeling, in
Tan's explanations.
"It's a feeling you get. The violin, now; I've heard one,
we'll say, but never held one. I watch someone play and I understand how the
notes are made. Then I take it and do the same, and as I concentrate on making
the note, and the note that follows, it comes to me not only how it should
sound, but how it should feel—to
the fingers, the bowing arm, the chin and collarbone. Out of those feelings
comes the feeling of how it feels to be making such music.
"Of course, there are limitations,"
he admitted, "and some might do better than others. If my fingertips are
soft, I can't play as long as another might If a child's hands are too small
for the instrument, he'll have to drop an octave or skip a note. But the
feeling's there, when we think m that certain way.
"It's the same with anything
else we do," he summed up. "If I need something in my house, a
machine, a device, I won't use iron where copper is better; it wouldn't feel right for me. I don't mean feeling the metal with my hands; I mean
thinking about the device and its parts and what it's for; When I think of all
the things I could make it of, there's only one set of things that feels right
to me."
"So," said Bril then. "And
that, plus this—this competition between the districts, to find all elements
and raw materials in the neighborhood instead of sending for them—that's why
you have no commerce. Yet you say you're standardized—at any rate, you all have
the same kind of devices, ways of doing things."
"We all have whatever we want and we
make it ourselves, yes," Tan agreed.
In the evenings, Bril would sit in Tanyne's
house and listen to the drift and swirl of conversation, or the floods of
music, and wonder; and then he would guide his tray back to his cubicle and
lock the door and eat, and brood. He felt at times that he was under an attack
with weapons he did not understand, on a field which was strange to him. ' He
remembered something Tanyne had said once, casually, about men and their
devices: "Ever since there were human beings, there has been conflict
between Man and his machines. They will run him or he them; it's hard to say
which is the less disastrous way. But a culture which is composed primarily of
men has to destroy one made mostly of machines, or be destroyed. It was always
that way. We lost a culture once on Xanadu. Didn't you ever wonder, Bril, why
there are so few of us here? And why almost all of us have red hair?"
Bril had, and had secretly blamed the smajl
population on the shameless lack of privacy, without which no human race seems
to be able to whip up enough interest in itself to breed readily.
"We were billions,
once," said Tan surprisingly. "We were wiped out. Know how many were
left? Three1."
That was a black night for Bril, when he
realized how pitiable were his efforts to learn their secret. For if a race
were narrowed to a few, and a mutation took place, and it then increased again,
the new strain could be present in all the new generations. He might as well,
he thought, try to wrest from them the secret of having red hair. That was the
night he concluded that these people would have to go; and it hurt him to think
that, and he was angry at himself for thinking so. That, too, was the night of
the ridiculous disaster.
He lay on his bed, grinding his teeth in
helpless fury. It was past noon and he had been there since he awoke, trapped
by his own stupidity, and ridiculous, ridiculous. His greatest single
possession—his dignity—was stripped from him by his own carelessness, by a
fiendish and unsportsmanlike gadget that—
His approach alarm hissed and he sprang to
his feet in an agony of embarrassment, in spite of the strong opaque walls
andthe door which only he could open.
It was Tanyne; his friendly greeting bugled
out and mingled with birdsong and the wind. "Bril! You there?"
Bril let him come a little closer and men barked through the vent, "I'm not coming
out." Tanyne stopped dead, and even Bril himself was surprised by the
harsh, squeezed sound of his voice.
"But Nina asked for you. She's going to
weave today; she thought you'd like—"
"No," snapped Bril. "Today I
leave. Tonight, that is. I've summoned my bubble It will be here in two hours.
After that, when it's dark, I'm going."
"Bril, you can't. Tomorrow I've set up a
sintering for you; show you how we plate—"
"No!"
"Have we offended you, Bril ? Have I ?"
"No." Bril's voice was surly, but at least not a shout
"What's happened?"
Bril didn't answer.
Tanyne came closer. Bril's eyes disappeared
from the slit He was cowering against the wall, sweating.
Tanyne said, "Something's happened,
something's wrong. I . . . feel it. You know how I feel things, my friend, my
good friend Bril."
The very thought made Bril stiffen in terror.
Did Tanyne know? Could he?
He might, at that Bril damned these people
and all their devices, their planet and its sun and the fates which had brought
him here.
"There is nothing in my world or in my
experience you can't tell me about. You know I'll understand," Tanyne
pleaded. He came closer. "Are you ill ? I have all the skills of the
surgeons who have lived since the Three. Let me in."
"No!" It was hardly a word; it was an explosion.
Tanyne fell back a step. "I beg your
pardon, Bril. I won't ask again. But—tell me. Please tell me. I must be able to
help you!"
All
right, thought
Bril, half hysterically, /'// tell you and you can laugh your fool
red head off. It won't matter once we
seed your planet with Big Plague. "I can't come out. I've ruined my clothes."
"Bril!
What can that matter? Here, throw them out; we can fix them, no matter what it
is."
"No!"
He could just see what would happen with these universal talents getting hold
of the most compact and deadly armory this side of the Sumner System,
"Then
wear mine." Tan put his hands to the belt of black stones.
"I
wouldn't be seen dead in a flimsy thing like that Do you think I'm an
exhibitionist?"
With
more heat (it wasn't much) than Bril had ever seen in him, Tanyne said,
"You've been a lot more conspicuous in those winding sheets you've been
wearing than you ever would in this."
Bril
had never thought of that He looked longingly at the bright nothing which
flowed up and down from the belt, and then at his own black harness, humped up
against the wall under its hook. He hadn't been able to bear the thought of
putting them back on since the accident happened, and he had not been this long
without clothes since he'd been too young to walk.
"What happened to your clothes,
anyway?" Tan asked sympathetically.
Laugh,
thought Bril and I'll kill you right now and you'll never
have a chance to see your race die. "I sat down on the —I've been using it as a chair; there's only
room for one seat in here. I must have kicked the switch. I didn't even feel it
until I got up. The whole back of my—" Angrily he blurted, "Why
doesn't that ever happen to you people?"
"Didn't
I tell you?" Tan said, passing the news item by as if it meant nothing.
Well, to him it probably was nothing. "The unit only accepts non-living
matter."
"Leave
that thing you call clothes in front of the door," Bril grunted after a
strained silence. "Perhaps I'll try it."
Tanyne
tossed the belt up against the door and strode away, singing softly. His voice
was so big that even his soft singing seemed to go on forever.
But
eventually Bril had the field to himself, the birdsong and the wind. He went to
the door and away, lifted his seatless breeches sadly and folded them out of
sight under the other things on the hook. He looked at the door again and
actually whimpered once, very quietly. At last he put the gauntlet against the
doorplate, and the door, never designed to open a little way, obediently slid
wide. He squeaked, reached out, caught up the belt, scampered back and slapped
at the plate.
"No one saw," he told himself
urgently. He pulled the belt around him. The buckle parts knew each other like a
pair of hands.
The first thing he was aware of was the
warmth. Nothing but the belt touched him anywhere and yet there was a warmth
on himt soft, safe, like a bird's breast on eggs. A split second later, he
gasped.
How could a mind fill so and not feel pressure?
How could so much understanding flood into a brain and not break it?
He understood about the roller which treated
the hard-board; it was a certain way and no other, and he could feel
the rightness of that sole conjecture.
He understood the ions of the mold-press that
made the belts, and the life-analog he wore as a garment. He understood how
his finger might write on a screen, and the vacuum of demand he might send out
to have this house built so, and so, and exactly so; and how the natives would hurry
to fill it.
He remembered without effort Tanyne's
description of the feel
of playing an instrument,
making, building, molding, holding, sharing, and how it must be to play in a milling crowd beside a task, moving randomly and only
for pleasure, yet taking someone's place at vat or bench, furrow or fishnet,
the very second another laid down a tool.
He stood in his own quiet flame, in his
little coffin-cubicle, looking at his hands and knowing without question that
they would build him a model of a city on Kit Carson if he liked, or a statue
of the soul of the Sole Authority.
He knew without question that he had the
skills of this people, and that he could call on any of those skills just by
concentating on a task until it came to him how the right way (for him) would feel. He knew without surprise that these resources transcended even death;
for a man could have a skill and then it was everyman's, and if the man should die, his skill still lived in every man.
Just by concentrating—that was the key, the keyway, the keystone
to the nature of this device. A device, that was all— no mutations, nothing
'extra-sensory' (whatever that meant); only a machine like other machines. You
have a skill, and a feeling about it; I have a task. Concentration on my task
sets up a demand for your skill; through the living flame you wear, you
transmit; through mine, I receive. Then I perform; and what bias I put upon
that performance depends on my capabilities. Should I add something to that
skill, then mine is the higher, the more complete; the feeling of it is better, and it is I who will
transmit next time there is a demand.
And he understood the
authority that lay in this new aura, and it came to him then how his home
planet could be welded into a unit such as the Universe had never seen. Xanadu
had not done it, because Xanadu had grown randomly with its gift, without the
preliminary pounding and shaping and milling of authority and discipline.
But Kit Carson! Carson with all skills and
all talents shared among all its people, and overall and commanding, creating
that vacuum of need and instant fulfilment, the Sole Authority and the State.
It must be so (even though, far down, something in him wondered why the State
kept so much understanding away from its people), for with this new depth came
a solemn new dedication to his home and all it stood for.
Trembling, he unbuckled the belt and turned
back its left buckle. Yes, there it was, the formula for the precipitate. And
now he understood the pressing process and he had the flame to strike into new
belts and make them live—by the millions, Tanyne had said, the billions.
Tanyne had said . . . why had he never said
that the garments of Xanadu were the source of all their wonders and
perplexities ?
But had Bril ever asked ?
Hadn't Tanyne begged him to take a garment so
he could be one with Xanadu? The poor earnest idiot, to think he could be
swayed away from Carson this way! Well, then, Tanyne and his people would have
an offer, too, and it would all be even; soon they could, if they would, join
the shining armies of a new Kit Carson.
From his hanging black suit, a chime sounded.
Bril laughed and gathered up his old harness and all the fire and shock and
paralysis asleep in its mighty, compact weapons. He slapped open the door and
sprang to the bubble which waited outside, and flung his old uniform in to lie
crumpled on the floor, a broken chrysalis. Shining and exultant, he leaped in
after it and the bubble sprang away skyward.
Within a week after Bril's return to Kit
Carson in the Sumner System, the garment had been duplicated, and duplicated
again, and tested.
Within
a month, nearly two hundred thousand had been distributed, and eighty factories
were producing round the clock.
Within
a year, the whole planet, all the millions, were shining and unified as never before, moving together under their
Leader's
will like the cells of a hand.
And then, in
shocking unison,
they all flickered and dimmed, every one, so it was time for the
lactic acid dip which Bril had learned of. It was done in panic, without test
or hesitation; a small taste of this luminous subjection had created a mighty
appetite. All was well for a week—
And then, as the designers in Xanadu had
planned, all the other segments of the black belts joined the first meager two
in full operation.
A biluon and a half human souls, who had been
given the techniques of music and the graphic arts, and the theory of technology,
now had the others: philosophy and logic and love; sympathy, empathy,
forbearance, unity in the idea of their species rather than in their obedience;
membership in harmony with all life everywhere.
A people with such feelings and their derived
skills cannot be slaves. As the light burst upon them, there was only one
concentration possible to each of them—to be free, and the accomplished feeling
of being free. As each found it, he was an expert in freedom, and expert
succeeded expert, transcended expert, until (in a moment) a billion and a half
human souls had no greater skill than the talent of freedom.
So Kit Carson, as a culture, ceased to exist,
and something new started there and spread through the stars nearby.
And because Bril knew what a Senator was and
wanted to be one, he became one.
In each other's arms,
Taayne and Nina were singing softly, when the goblet in the mossy niche chimed.
"Here comes another one," said Wonyne, crouched at their feet.
"I wonder what will make him beg,
borrow or steal a belt."
"Doesn't matter," said Tanyne,
stretching luxuriously, "as long as he gets it. Which one is he, Wo—that
noisy mechanism on the other side of the small moon ?"
"No," said Wonyne. "That one's
still sitting there squalling and thinking we don't know it's there. No, this
is the force-field that's been hovering over Fleetwing District for the last
two years."
Tanyne laughed. "That'll make conquest
number eighteen for us."
"Nineteen," corrected Nina
dreamily. "I remember because eighteen was the one that just left and
seventeen was that funny
little Bril from the Sumner System. Tan, for a time that
little man loved me." But that was a small thing and did not matter.
The
Machine
by
Richard Gehman
From
the sublime to the ridiculous—from
Sturgeon to Gehman—this is the roller coaster down which this story takes you after you have finished reading the
previous one. Where Sturgeon's story holds glorious promise for man's distant tomorrows, Gehman's
exposes the almost suicidal stupidity of certain
large sectors of the human race
today. Generals and admirals, for
example, senators and heads of
departments won't like it, nor will FBI agents and other such people. But if you are not in these or similar
categories, you should get a laugh from
this tale, combined with an inward shudder over the possibility that this kind of thing easily could happen, or (who knows?) may already actually have
happened, and none of us the wiser.
I |
have just been talking to Joe, and now I'm more
mixed up than ever. I want to get mad, but I can't I'm too scared, and I keep
wondering how it's all going to come out Al, I keep saving to myself, you've
got to think this thing through. So I am writing it all down, to try to clear
my head.
Joe McSween and I have been friends ever
since high school. We live on the same block, and we both worked at Krug's
Machine Shop before Joe got into the Army and I went to the Marines. We kept
writing each other all the time we were away, though, and when we got back we
de-
cided
to get jobs together again.
Just after the war ended, this big plastics
plant—Tumbull's Fabrications, you've probably heard of it—opened out on the
outskirts of town. They were paying high wages, so we decided to see what we
could do there. We both got jobs right away. The way I figure it now, that was
when the trouble started.
Before I say any more, I'd better tell about
Agnes Slater. Aggie was the reason Joe decided to go to Tumbull's. She'd been
Joe's girl before the war, but when he came home they got really serious. Joe
figured that he'd be smart to work at Tumbull's because the big money would
make things easier when he and Aggie got married.
They put me in the shipping department, and
that wasn't so good,
but it was better than where they put Joe. He got sent up to X. Tumbull's has a
lot of these big machines they call fabricators, and the biggest is this X.
What it fabricates, I'll never tell you. Some kind of plastics, I guess.
Whatever it is, they send it away to some other plant to use in their products.
All the X people know is that they work on a great big machine, seven stories
high, all enclosed, with these catwalks running around it on every floor. Joe
hated it from the very first.
"This X thing," Joe said to me as
we were driving home that evening. "It's a hell of a thing. They put me up
on the third floor. I'm in a little glass-partitioned room, in front of an
instrument panel. They taught me the job in ten minutes—all I have to do is go
through a few motions. It's all automatic."
Now, Joe is a guy who likes to use his head.
He likes to work out problems and find answers. This X deal didn't sound like
Joe at all. "What do you do, Joe?" I asked.
"Huh," he said. "Listen to
this, Al. I get into that little cubbyhole at 8 in the morning. At 8:10, I
reach out and twist Dial N to 40. At 8:20, I press a button marked Q. At 8:23,
I turn Dial N back to zero. At 8:31, I reach up on a little shelf, get an
oilcan, and reach down and put two drops —just two—in a little hole at the
bottom of the panel. At 8:46, I reach over and pull a lever toward me. At 8:47,
I push it back. At 8:53, I press button Q again. At 8:59, I rum Dial N to 10,
hold it one second, and turn it right back again. Then it's nine o'clock, and
I'm ready to start the whole process all over again."
"The
whole thing?"
"Everything just the same," Joe
replied. "That goes on, every hour until noon. I get an hour for lunch,
and then I go back again and keep it up till five." He sighed.
"That's my new job."
"Joe," I asked, "what happens
inside that machine when you do all those things ?"
"As far as I can see, Al," Joe said, "nothing."
"Well, what does the machine do?"
"I'll be damned if I know. They didn't tell me."
"Can't you hear anything inside—I mean,
when you twist those dials and press the buttons?"
Joe shook his head. "Not a thing, Al."
I couldn't understand it "There's
something funny about that, Joe," I said.
"That's what I think," Joe said.
'We certainly didn't have anything like that back at Krug's."
He didn't seem to want to talk about it any
more, so I didn't keep up the questions. I told him about my job, which was
filing out shipping forms all day long. Me, a mechanic Forms.
Joe and Aggie were going to
the movies that night; they stopped by my house for a minute on the way. Aggie
is not very pretty, but there's something about her—and I don't mean her
figure—which is good. It's something else. Her energy, I guess. Maybe you'd
call it ambition. She's always on the go.
Aggie was really pepped up this evening. She
looked swell —she was wearing a red dress that kind of set off her black hair,
and she was feeling wonderful. "Joe's been telling me about his job,
Al," she said to me. "It sounds marvelous."
Joe looked like he was wondering where she got that idea.
"I mean," Aggie said, "I think
it's marvelous that a big place like Turnbull's will give you boys such a fine
opportunity. In a big place like that, you have a marvelous chance to get
ahead."
"Yeah," Joe said. "You stay
five years, and they give you more dials to turn."
"One thing that
bothers us, Aggie," I said, "is that we aren't sure what Turnbull's
makes out there. Some kind of plastics—that's all we know."
"Everything
seems to be a secret, these days," Joe said. "It's worse than during the war, almost. I was
reading in the Courier tonight where they just passed that bill—what do they
call it?"
"ChaUendor-Collander-Wingle-Wanger,"
Aggie said. Aggie knows things like that. She's sharp.
"Yeah," Joe said. "Well, with
this new law, the Army can take over anything they need for national defense.
Maybe the Army has something to do with Tumbull's, I've been thinking."
"Maybe," I said.
"I don't care what you two say,"
said Aggie, "I think you're going to like it there, Joe. You too,
Al."
Well, Aggie is a pretty smart girl, like I
said, but this was one she called way off. After the first week, Joe was lower
than I'd ever seen him. When we drove to work in the mornings, he hardly said a
thing. Going back in the evenings, it was the same way. It seemed to be on his
mind all the time. What's more, after the second week he was worse. After the
third, I decided to have it out with him.
"Joe," I said, "what the
hell's the matter? This isn't like you, Joe."
"Me? There's nothing the matter with me."
"Joe," I said, "tell me about it It's that X, isn't
it?"
He was quiet a minute or two. Then he said,
"Yeah, I guess it is. It's that X. I sit there all day long. I press the
buttons, turn the dials, oil it, and all the time, Al, I'm just a guy at a machine. This machine doesn't make any noise, doesn't move, might not even
manufacture anything,
as far as I know. And it's
so damn' big—it's seven whole stories high."
He had such a peculiar look on his face, I
didn't know what to say.
"That's not all," Joe said.
"There's something else. Remember back at Krug's? We had
honest-to-goodness machines there, with wheels turning, cranks, belts,
pulleys—the works. They were real machines that ran, and made noise, and turned
out machine parts. You could look at one of those babies and you knew where you
stood. When it broke down, you could fix it. When you turned it on, it ran, and
when you turned it off, it stopped."
Joe paused. "With this X," he said
slowly, "I don't know. Whatever it is, it's all inside. I just sit there
in that little glass chicken coop like a hundred other guys. I do what they
tell me to do. If the machine breaks down, I never know about it. I just make
the motions, up there—hell! I'm not a man running a machine, AÍ, I'm part of
that damn' machine. I'm just one of the levers." He looked at me. "Do
you see what I mean, AÍ ?"
"If you want to know what I think,
Joe," I said, "I think you'd better get out of there as soon as you
can. Why don't you quit, Joe?"
"No," he said quietly. "It's not that easy."
For a minute I didn't get it, but then I
remembered Aggie. Joe told me later that he tried to explain it to her, but
couldn't quite get it across. It was one night after Joe had told me how he
felt about X, and the way Joe says, the conversation must have gone something like this:
"Aggie," Joe said, "I've been thinking that it might be better, maybe, if we only saw each other two nights out of the week,
instead of six."
You know how women are. Right away, she got
the wrong idea and gave him the coolerator. "Why, Joe," she said,
"of course—of course, if that's the way you want it."
"It's just that I have something on my
mind," Joe said. "I have this thing on my mind, and in order to get
rid of it, I'm working on something else."
"If you feel that your evenings might be
better spent at home, Joe," Aggie said, "why, I'd be the last person
in the world to discourage you."
"Aggie," Joe said, "I wish I
could explain it. But I have to have something to take my mind off Turn bull's,
so I have this invention—this thing I've been thinking about. I think I have it
all worked out, but I need more time. It'll just be for a while, Aggie."
She seemed to like the idea of an invention,
all right, Joe told me later, but when she started to ask questions about it,
he wouldn't answer them. That made her more suspicious than ever. You know how
women are. There are some women who want to be in on everything. So that was
what started the trouble with Aggie, that one night.
Joe hadn't mentioned his
invention to me, even, at first. But around the middle of the second month at
TurnbuU's, his spirits began to pick up. At first I thought he was just getting
used to the place, but then I decided that something had happened. He would get
in the car whistling, and talk and joke all the way to work. At night it was
just the same. He was getting more and more like the old Joe.
It came out one evening. Joe had a mysterious
look on his face—he was whistling and grinning more than ever. When we pulled
up in front of his house, he said, "Al, got a minute ? Come on in. I got
something to show you. I think it's terrific."
How terrific it was, I never imagined.
We went in Joe's house, and found his mother
waiting supper on him "Al," she said to me, "are you in
on this foolishness too?"
"What foolishness?" I started to
ask, but Joe was already down the cellar, yelling for me.
"I never heard of such foolishness," Joe's mom said.
I followed Joe down to the workshop we'd
fixed up when we were in high school. We had a lot of equipment there that we'd
bought with money from our paper routes, and from working at the A & P on
Saturdays, and it was a fine shop. Now that we were back from the war, though,
we didn't go down there much any more. So, when I went down, I'd almost
forgotten about it. In fact, I wasn't expecting anything more than—well, I
guess I don't know what I was expecting. Certainly nothing like what I saw.
"Look at it," Joe said proudly. "What do you think of
it?"
Maybe I don't use the best English in the
world, but when there's something on my mind, I can say it. Most of the time.
But this time I couldn't think of a thing to say.
In the center of the floor, mounted on big
wooden blocks, was a machine. And what a machine. It was about eight feet
square and four feet high, and it was the most complicated-looking bunch of
apparatus I've ever seen. Wheels, cogs, gears, cranks, pulleys, pistons, drive
belts, conveyer arms, lights, dials, buttons, valves, switches—everything. Even
a whistle.
There were so many parts in that machine I
can't even begin to describe it It was the kind of a machine a mechanic might
dream about
While I stood there looking
at it, wondering what the hell it was, Joe pressed a button on the workbench.
The two big wheels at the near end started turning, slowly gathering momentum.
An arm reached out at one side, traveling to the other, picked up some lugs and
brought them back. A green light flashed, then a red one. Joe walked over and
turned a dial, and the thing began going faster, and faster. It made a noise that shook the whole house. A whistle blew. A shuttle began
popping up and down somewhere in the middle. A greased shaft slid through the
mechanism and out one end, turned twice, and slid back inside. A blue light
flashed, and a needle on a dial near me started climbing toward a red mark. It
was the damnedest thing I ever saw. "Joe," I said, "what the
hell is it?"
He gave me a look that told me that he
thought I had the brains of a shipping-room clerk. "It's a secret,"
he said, grinning.
"A secret?"
"Sure," said Joe. Then he laughed. "No, Al, it's no
secret.
That's just what I tell people—you know, we've talked about
how
everything these days is secret. Like X. Well, there's no secret to .this
machine—but then
there's really nothing to this machine. It's just a machine."
"What kind of machine, Joe?"
"Hell," said Joe. "Just a complicated old machine."
"Yes, Joe," I said, patiently.
"I can see it's complicated. But what does it do?"
"Do? It doesn't do anything—it runs.
That's all it does. It just runs." Then, before I could answer, Joe said,
"What's the matter with all you people? You, Mom, Herb next door, all of
you—'What does it do?" you ask. It doesn't do anything. It's just a
machine that runs. My machine. I'm the boss of it —this machine doesn't run me,
Al."
When I thought I was beginning to get the
idea, I asked him some more questions. It wasn't long before I was almost as
mixed up as before. Now, I think I understand—how Joe felt about X, or rather,
the way X made him feel, made him want to make a machine that he could run
himself. The secret business was just a gag. WelL I didn't quite get it then,
so when I left Joe—he was standing there looking at it like a proud father.
On the way out, I bumped into Aggie, coming
in. "Al, have you seen it?" she asked, breathlessly. "What is
it, Al?"
"Aggie," I said, "I thought you were a sharp girl."
Her eyes went sort of hard. "Al, tell me!"
That got me mad, a little. "It's a
secret, Aggie," I said. "I can't say anything more than Joe told me.
It's a machine that runs."
She kind of tossed her head, and went on in
the house. Well, I thought, that's that. I went out and got in my car and drove
down the street to my house.
As it turned out, things
hadn't even started to happen. In a town the size of Parkside, you know, things
get around. Maybe Joe's mom told some of her friends, and they went to see it.
Maybe some of the guys at Turnbull's got wind of it. Anyhow, the word spread.
People told other people, and they told still more, and pretty soon people were
looking at the house when they passed by. The next thing Joe knew, there was a
reporter from the Parkside Courier there to see him and his machine.
I don't know whether Joe knew he was a
reporter, or not There were so many people stopping in, all the time, that it's
ten to one that he didn't The reporter asked him a lot of questions, and Joe gave him the stock answers: for a gag, he said, 'It's a secret,' and then he
said, 'It's just a machine I made in my spare time—a machine that runs.' And he
tried to explain how he felt about it, very carefully. . The reporter wasn't
satisfied with Joe's answers, I guess. He made up some of his own. A little
color, you know. And the headline on
the front page of the Courier said:
ATOMIC POWER? IT'S A SECRET
Under that, our newspaper friend went to
town:
Joseph McSween, 378
Parkside Avenue, this city, has something in his cellar that might well blow
the lid off the pot of science. It's a machine—but what kind of machine,
McSween won't say. All he'll admit is that it's a secret machine "that
runs." This reporter's guess is that the boys at Oak Ridge and Hanford had
better look to their laurels. If Parkside's own Joe McSween doesn't have an
atomic machine down there, I'm William L. Laurence. His attitude about his
contraption makes it all the more plausible. McSween has been working on his
invention for—
That's all I have to tell
about the story—the guy went on from there, for about twelve paragraphs. The
story carried a picture of Joe, one they dug up in the files from when he
graduated from junior high. It even mentioned me—said that I was working on this
atomic machine with Joe.
You
know what happened next. That story was the match that set the woods on fire.
The wire services picked up the story that evening, and the next morning it was
in every paper in the country. SMALL TOWN INVENTOR MAY HAVE KEY TO UNIVERSE, a
New York paper said. HELP! CRIES ATOM, another screamed. If you'd have told me
it was going to happen, I've have said you were crazy.
Joe called me around nine that night.
"AL" he said, "did you see—?"
"Yes," I said. "And it's on the radio."
"I haven't had time to listen," Joe
said. "This phone's been ringing ever since the Courier came out. Even the
mayor called. Al, I'm going nuts—how could that jerk have done such a
thing?"
"Joe," I said, "not everybody
gets a gag. He probably thought he had a big story."
"Yeah," he said. "Boy! I try
to tell them that it's all a mistake—reporters keep calling up and asking me
questions —but they won't listen. They ask me questions about things I never
even heard of, and when I tell them I don't know what they're talking about,
they think I'm being modest. Wait, Al —there's another telegram kid at the
door. I've had thirty-two telegrams."
"What're you going to do, Joe?" I asked him.
"I don't know," he said.
"Every time I say something, they put more words in my mouth. And I
can't—Al, I have to hang up now. That kid. Call me in the morning, Al."
That wasn't as easy as he
made it sound. I tried to call him twice around eight in the morning, but got
the busy signal both times. Finally I had to leave for work, so I drove up the
street toward Joe's house, thinking I would pick him up. What a thought! I got
as near to the house as I could, but there were a lot of cars parked there, and
a small crowd around his front porch. I got out and walked over.
"What sheet you from?" a man next to me asked.
I noticed that about half the men, and some
women, were toting cameras. The papers were there in full force, all right.
They'd sent them down from the big cities. "I'm just a pal of Joe's,"
I told the guy. That wasn't smart.
"You're a friend of Joe McSween's?"
he yelled. "Hey, fellows!"
They clustered all around, and asked a
hundred questions: Where is McSween now? How did he do it? Is it true that he
can run a battleship with two drops of water? Did his boss really offer him
three million for a cjuarter interest? How long have you known about it? I took
it about as long as I could, then turned and ran for my car. I hopped in and
drove about eight blocks down and went into a drugstore to the phone booth.
Joe's number was still busy. I tried again in five minutes. No luck. Three more
tries, and on the fourth I got him.
Joe's voice, very tired, said,
"Well?" It was almost a growl.
"This is Al. I stopped by your house,
but—"
"I know. I saw you through a crack in
the blind. At, I've been up all night. Where are you?"
I told him "I'll try to come
down," he said. "Wait there for me."
I put the phone on the hook
and went over and sat down at the soda fountain. The radio was playing a dance
tune, but all of a sudden the music stopped short, and an announcer cut in.
"A special bulletin from Parkside, New
York," the voice said. "While the country acclaims the ingenuity and
resourcefulness of young Joseph McSween, said to have invented the first real
atomic machine of this atomic age, authorities in Parkside have learned that
the Army will investigate Mc-Sween's project without delay. Already, Lieutenant
Colonel George P. Treex, celebrated for his atomic bomb work, is speeding to
Parkside by special plane. His aides are following. The—"
"The Army!" I yelled, getting up.
The soda jerker yawned. "This happens," he said. "Why, they're
out of their—" I shut up then, to hear the rest.
"—under provisions of the
Challendor-Collander-Wingle-Wanger bill," the announcer was saying,
"the military forces are authorized to investigate any project they
consider vital to the defense of this country. It is assumed that young
McSween's machine will become a government project."
"Government
project!" I couldn't believe it, and shook my head.
"What else?" the soda jerk asked.
"Foolin' with atoms, you know."
"—and on the floor of
the Senate this morning," the radio voice was droning, "Senator Burge
Fulsome declared that he would initiate a bill to allot one million dollars for
measures to guard this country's newest weapon. In the house, Representative
Hayden Kratcher may introduce a bill to provide a like sum for the development
of this country's security forces. 'We must protect this secret at all costs,' Representative
Kratcher told reporters this morning, 'and keep it safe in the womb of democracy whence it came.' "
"What in hell—" I stopped again to listen.
"—no appropriation, thus far, for
additional work on McSween's machine. A senator who refused to be quoted stated
that a bill might be introduced next month, but added, We don't want to rush
into this thing." The invention has had far-reaching effects. In
Hollywood, several firms are trying to get first rights to McSween's life
story. In New York, the Stud Press has announced plans for the publication of
This Is It, a story of the Atomic Machine Age. And in Park-side this morning,
Mayor E. R. Risco announced he will ask the city council to appropriate
thirty-seven thousand dollars for a statue to the memory of Adolph McSween, the
young inventor's father. The elder McSween was killed in World War I, and the statue will show him in uniform, holding his baby son in
his arms. The baby, in turn, will be clutching a full-sized atom in his
fists."
I wondered if I was really sitting there at that soda fountain.
"—this network," the announcer went
on, "has tried several times this morning to obtain an exclusive
statement from McSween, but has succeeeded only in getting a quote from the
inventor's mother. 'I knew Joseph had something down there in the cellar,' Mrs.
McSween said."
A woman came in the
drugstore and sat down beside me. "Hello, Al," she said in a deep voice. "Let's get out of here."
I jumped—my nerves were beginning to go.
"Joe," I said, "what are you doing in that rig?" I looked
at the big flowered hat, the dress, the coat with the fur collar. "How'd
you get away?"
"I put on these clothes of Mom's and
went out the back door into Herb's house, next to ours," Joe explained.
"Then I went out his front door. I guess they thought I was his mother.
Let's get out of here."
I started to pay my check, then remembered I
hadn't had anything to drink. We went out and got in my car, but just as I was
starting it I saw a girl walking across the street.
"Wait,
Joe," I said. "Isn't that Aggie over there?"
"Yeah," said Joe, and was out of
the car and across the street like a jack rabbit. I tagged along in case
explanations were needed.
They were. Aggie shook off Joe, and walked on. Joe stared after her,
then went up and tried to grab her arm. "I can explain everything, Aggie,
if you'll just give me a chance," he said.
Aggie
turned and slapped his face. "Aggie, please—"
"Please!" she
said. "Joe McSween, the idea that you would do a thing like this to
me!" "A thing like what?"
"The idea! To think that you were
working on that atomic machine all the time, and you wouldn't tell me what it
was! I never—"
"Aggie, it wasn't—"
"Joe McSween, you are positively the lowest, meanest—"
A crowd was beginning to collect. After all,
you don't often see a guy dressed in woman's clothes arguing in the street with
a girl. And you don't often hear a girl sound off the way Aggie did.
Joe stood and listened. Then he seemed to see
that it was no use. Somebody, about that time, yelled. "That's McSween!
The atomic guy!" Joe and I dashed across the street to my car, jumped in
and drove away fast. I looked back, but Aggie didn't even look after us.
Joe just sat there as I drove along. After a
while he pulled off the flowered hat and unzipped the dress, and threw them in
the back seat. He sat there in his shorts. "You know, Al," he said
after a while, "if I had invented
an atomic machine, nobody would've believed me."
"Yeah," I said. By this time I was
ready to believe anything. I drove out toward Cedar Hill, a little town about
fifteen miles from Parkside, and on the way I stopped at a general store and
Joe bought a pair of overalls. It was lucky he had brought his wallet. But he
didn't say anything—just sat there with his eyes closed.
After I'd gone about thirty-five miles, Joe
said, "Al, I guess I've got to make one more attempt. Let's stop at the
next garage." So we did, and Joe went in and called the Parkside Courier
and asked for the editor. He got him. "This is Joe McSween," he said.
Then his face went blank. He turned away from the phone and looked at me.
"He slammed it in my ear. He wouldn't believe it was me. He asked me who I
was trying to kid."
"My gosh," I said. "Want to try again?"
"No. Let's go back. I'll make them listen to me!"
As we were going out of the garage, a kid at
one of the gas pumps said, "Can I have your autograph, Mr. McSween ?"
"No, you can't," Joe snapped. "Let me alone."
It
was the first Hm? I'd ever heard Joe McSween be nasty to a kid. Boy, what this is doing to
him, I thought. We drove slow, going back, and Joe said just one thing during
the whole ride. "I can't figure out why Aggie would act that way," he
said.
When we'd left the drugstore in Parkside it
must have been around ten or ten-thirty, and now my watch said almost two. I
turned down Parkside Avenue wondering what could happen next. I didn't have to
wonder long.
Off in the distance, something was going on
in our block. I thought at first it was still the crowd around Joe's house, but
I was wrong. If I'd have known what it was, I'd have turned around and driven
like hell until we were a hundred miles away from that town. But I didn't know,
so we kept on going, and as we got closer we could see that someone had erected
a barrier, or road block, cutting off our street. There was a sign on this
barrier, a sign we couldn't believe at first: Military District—No Visitors.
An M.P. sergeant, armed with a pistol and a
dub, came over to the car. "What do you want in here?"
"I live here," Joe said. "What's going on?"
"What's your name?" the M.P. asked.
He pulled a slip of paper from his pocket.
"McSween. This is Al Niles."
The M.P. looked dosdy at
Joe, and gave me a quick glance, "Let me see your papers. Identification.
Both of you."
We got out our wallets and showed him our
drivers' licenses, discharge certificate photostats, and Tumbull pass cards.
"H'm," he said. Then, after
studying the list a little more, he said, "I guess you're all right. You
better get down to your house, McSween. You too, Niles. The colonel wants to
see you. Both of you."
He
wouldn't let us take the car in, so we got out and walked down. "Al, what
is all this?" Joe asked. "Are we really walking here on Parkside
Avenue?"
I didn't answer—I was too busy looking at
what was going on in front of Joe's house. There were three Army trucks parked
there, and a bunch of M.P.s standing around outside. They looked like they
meant business. One of them was nailing a sign to the front porch: TOP SECRET
AREA, it said. Another one stepped forward as we approached.
"Identifications," he snarled.
We gave him the same stuff we'd given the
first one, and he went in Joe's house. He was gone about two minutes. When he
came out he said, "Well, Colonel Treex says you're all right, temporarily.
You'll have to go down the cellar and wait there. He'H see you in about an
hour."
"What is all this?" Joe asked. "What colonel?"
"Lieutenant Colonel George P. Treex,
Investigating Officer. Just go on in," the M.P. said. "Try not to
make any noise as you go through the hall. The colonel is very busy."
"Is it okay to chew my gum?" I asked.
"Look," the M.P. said, "this is serious business."
So we went in the house. The door to the
front room was closed, so we went through the hall to the door to the cellar,
and on down—only at the cellar door we had to show our papers to another
gendarme. Halfway down the steps, as though he'd just thought of something, Joe
turned around. "AL," he said, grabbing me, "what have they done
to my mom?"
"My gosh," I said. We turned and
ran back up the stairs and banged on the door. The M.P. opened it.
"Where's my mother, you—?" Joe asked.
The M.P. wasn't bothered. "The colonel
felt it might be wise for her to move while the investigation is going
on," he said. "Mrs. McSween is at the Parkside Hotel—at government
expense, of course."
'How nice of the government," said Joe.
"Anything else?" asked the M.P.
"Yeah. Get the Courier on the phone and
tell them to send over a sensible reporter," Joe saia. "One who can
understand plain English."
"I'm sorry," said the M.P.,
"but the colonel will not permit any newspapermen."
Joe stared, shook his head, looked at me. I
stared back. We turned and went downstairs.
They had all the lights in
the cellar on, and a few more besides. The place was brighter than day. Joe's
machine sat there in the middle of the floor, quiet—as though it were waiting
for something to happen. We sat down on the workbench and stared at the damned
thing. The trouble you caused, I thought. Oh, the trouble.
"Al," said Joe, "how can I get it across to them?"
"You'll just have to tell them again.
That's all you can do. You'll have to tell this colonel."
"Al, you know how colonels are," Joe muttered.
"Yeah," I said.
How this lieutenant colonel was, we found out the next
minute. A voice at the head
of the
stairs yelled, "All right,
down there!" There was silence for a
second or two, then the sound of a heavy body coming down the steps. Then we
had our first glimpse of Lieutenant Colonel George P. Treex.
He was some guy, all right. He looked a
little like a mountain with snow on top, only with three chins. He had about
four banks of ribbons and medals, including the award for marksmanship. Joe and
I got off the bench. We know brass when we see it.
The colonel turned to me and said, "Glad
to see you, Mr. McSween."
"That's McSween," I said, motioning
at Joe. The colonel didn't look at me from there on out. And he shook hands
with Joe fast, like it was something he had to get over in a hurry. After that
he stood back and looked around the cellar, like he was inspecting a barracks.
"Colonel," said Joe, "I'd like
to tell you, first of all, that this whole thing is a big—"
The colonel wasn't listening. He was looking
at the shelves above the workbench. "Those shelves," he said. 'We
must get them dusted. Dust on shelves is a safety hazard, you know."
Joe's eyes popped. I said,
"Yeah. Out at Turnbull's, guys get killed by falling dust every day."
The colonel didn't know I was alive.
"Now, Mr. McSween," he said, "where are your reports? I'll have
to study them for the inquiry. May I have them, please ?"
"Reports?" Joe said. "There aren't—"
"McSween, you needn't worry about my
authority," the colonel said. "I was sent here by the chief himself,
acting on orders from the Secretary. Adequate security precautions will be
taken. No secrets will leak out You can turn your papers over to me with
perfect safety."
"Colonel," said Joe, "I don't
care if you were sent here by the ghost of Isaac Newton." He looked
strange—stranger than I'd ever seen him before.
"Please, Mr. McSween," the colonel
said. "I have so many things to attend to— We must study the feasibility
of throwing a radar screen around the house; we must— I'm very, very busy, you
understand. Now, may I have the papers, please?"
"No, Colonel,"
said Joe. "And the reason is—"
The colonel's rhins quivered before he interrupted. "You
refuse,
Mr. McSween? You defy my authority?"
"I'm not defying anything," said
Joe. "I'm just telling you
there
are no papers. And I want to tell you something else.
I—"
"What did you say?" Lieutenant
Colonel Treex looked as thoagh he couldn't believe it. "There are no
papers? Plans, then?"
"No. No plans. Nothing."
"I don't understand. This isn't what I
expected, at all. Mr. McSween," said the colonel, forcing a kind of
military laugh, "I really can't waste time in jokes. The chief is waiting
for a report. Now, could I have a demonstration, please? Just enough to give me
a rough idea."
Joe
walked to his workbench. "All right," he said. "You want a
demonstration, I'll give you one. .Maybe you'll see just why the whole thing's
a—"
He flipped on the power, and the rest of his
words were lost in the roar of the machine, starting off with a bang. The belts
began moving back and forth, the wheels and cogs were grinding, the lights were
flashing, the arm was moving across to pick up the lugs— It made a hell of a
racket. It even sounded, I thought, like an honest-to-goodness atomic machine
might sound.
It impressed the colonel, you could see that.
"What's its capacity?" he yelled above the noise.
"Capacity for what, Colonel?" Joe yelled back.
"How much does it produce?" the colonel screamed.
'"Nothing!" yelled Joe. "It doesn't produce
anything!"
The colonel couldn't hear
him, and motioned to him to tarn off the power. "It won't produce
anything, I tell you," said Joe, when the power died down. "It's not
what you
think
at all, Colonel. It's just a machine—just a machine I made for fun. It just
runs, that's all."
The colonel shrugged, and walked to the
steps. "Major Stoughton!" he shouted. "Major Brown! Lieutenant
Weinberg! Lieutenant Borst! Sergeant English!"
They all came down and stood there waiting
like tin soldiers. "Yes, Colonel?" one of the shavetails asked.
"What would you estimate its capacity to
be?" the colonel said.
The lieutenant took a thing that looked like
a fever thermometer out of his pocket, and squinted at the machine through the
end of it. "About forty," he said, at last. All the other officers
had pencils out and were scribbling
on little pads.
The colonel nodded. "That about right,
Mr. McSween?" "Forty what?" Joe asked.
"Mr. McSween," said the colonel,
"please be serious. I—" ' "Shut up!" Joe's face turned
suddenly red, and his breath was coming hard. "I've been trying to explain
this ever since you came down here, and you won't give me a chance! I'll be
serious, all right. I'll—" He picked up a wrench from the workbench, and
held it like a war dub.
All the officers stopped scribbling.
"I'll show you!" Joe said.
"I'll show your damned old atomic machine!"
And before anybody knew quite what was going
on, he leaped over and raised the wrench and brought it down hard, smashing
first an instrument pand, then ripping through a belt, then breaking a wheel,
then splitting a cog wheel—
The colonel got over his astonishment fast.
He acted—or rather, his men did. Three of them jumped Joe, two got me. Somebody
yelled, "Treason!" Everybody was yelling and shouting and raising a
terrific fuss, and Joe was screaming, "You can't do this! It's my machine
and I'll smash it if I want to! Let me go! You're crazy! It's not an atomic
machine!"
Well, they had to carry Joe upstairs. I went
along, with two of them helping me. And they brought us up here and locked us
in Joe's room.
He's quiet now, Joe is. As
I say, I just talked the whole thing over with him, and now I have written it
all down. Maybe I've left out some of the details, but I think everything is
here.
Joe told me that he thinks
the reason it happened is because some people are always looking for something
that isn't there. He thinks maybe his gag about saying it was a secret might
have been a bad idea, since nobody believed him when he told the truth.
"Some people just won't take things for what they're worth," Joe said
a little while ago. "I wasn't trying to make a big fuss. I just made a
machine, just to get my mind off TurnbulTs, and now they've taken it away from
me. They'll bring in the scientists and find out the truth, but that won't make
any difference. Then they'll say I tricked them. You wait and see."
Joe isn't being bitter—just philosophical, he
says. He told me that the only thing he's sorry for is that he didn't give the
kid back at the gas station his autograph.
So, that's the way it is. They've got Joe and
me here in this room, and downstairs they're trying to repair the machine,
which they still think is an atomic machine, and we aren't sure that they'll
ever find out that it isn't. Maybe it'll all come out all right in the
investigation. Joe and I'll get out of this mess; Joe and Aggie will get back
together; Joe's mom will come back from that hotel where she's staying at
government expense; and Joe and I will get out of Turnbull's and go get our
jobs back again at Krug's. I say maybe. I'm not sure those things will
happen—I'm just as mixed up as I was before, and I can't tell what's going to
happen next.
69-12-4
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