*Relationship Patterns* Q: Hello Mr. Ambassador. B: And to you. Mr. Dip-lo-mat! Q: Thank you, and welcome to planet Earth. B: Thank you. Q: About eighteen years ago, I learned that you develop love for someone - one way, anyway, a very effective way - by being of service and giving of yourself. B: Yes. Q: I fell in love with a gal just by being of service to her. B: A gal? Q: A gal, yes. Female type. B: Yes. Q: And she didn't give a shit about me; but I loved her, and it was a... B: Did you want her to give shit to you? Q: Well, I was hoping that she would; my (--?) obviously flagged (?) out, but I didn't get any shit. B: Oh, all right. Q: So I've applied that to every relationship that I've been in since then. And I have attracted a number of other relationships, such as, the partner that I'd be in a relationship with was reluctant... or begrudged giving to me. And it has caused me a lot of wonder - what the heck's going on? The pattern that I've created in giving, in relationship after relationship, and then having these people not give back to me. Although I'm sure a needy person, I'm almost... I'm very self-sufficient. So it's rare that a person... that I ask for something from someone. B: Yes. Q: But I don't believe that I reflect whatever help or giving that they might have. But I find them begrudging me this. B: All right. Q: I wonder if you would help share why I created this pattern? B: Well, is it an opportunity to reflect to the idea of that person your unconditionality? Q: Well, certainly I'm being of service by example. B: All right. Q: But... B: But what? Q: I enjoy being of service: but I don't like the one-way street of it. B: Why is it a one-way street? Q: Because they are begrudging being of service to me. B: In what way? Why do you specifically need a specific individual to be of service in a certain way? If your love is unconditional, then you are served by the total All, in whatever way you need to be. Q: I certainly do that. B: Whether a specific individual chooses to be a reflection of that is not really the complete issue. You will still get what you need from somewhere. Q: Oh absolutely, I do. B: All right. Then what difference does it make? Q: There just seems to be an imbalance in the relationship. B: Why? If you are in a relationship to reflect to someone the idea of unconditionality, then obviously you are saying that they do not exhibit unconditionality. It is a perfectly balanced relationship. Q: Well, it's just... the thing is, I don't go into the relationship - at least with a conscious decision to go in - for the purpose of reflecting unconditionally... B: Why not? Q: Well, I don't go into it without that. But I don't like my relationships to say: "Well, I'm going to show this person, who doesn't understand unconditionality..." B: Oh, we understand what you are saying, in that sense, yes. But the idea simply is that: are you willing to reflect unconditionality or not? Q: Yeah. B: Then reflect it. Q: And I do. B: All right then. Don't expect anything in return; and you will get everything you need from wherever you need to get it from. Q: Yeah. I do understand that. B: Why not simply attract yourself into the understanding that if you are willing to know you are getting it from wherever you really need it to come from, then there may be - may be, maybe - an individual or several individuals that will be able to give you the service that you require. It may not necessarily turn out to be the one individual you are assuming that it might be, or it must be. But it will be someone. Q: Yeah. B: And therefore, if in that sense they will, by definition, provide the service that you need, it won't matter from where it comes. Because it will feel correct, and it will fulfill you. Q: So far it hasn't self-corrected. I mean I get service from wherever I need it, when I need it... B: Well then? Q: ... but I mean, if I say: "Hey, will you iron my shirts?" B: Yes. Q: And she says: "No. How dare you ask me to do something for you?" And I say: "But I do things for you all the time." B: Yes. Q: She'll say: "Well, I don't want to do it for you." B: All right. Q: I have to go someplace else... B: All right. May I ask you a personal question? Q: Please do. B: Why are you in the relationship? Q: Well... B: Not that you necessarily have to find someone who will do that specific thing. But we understand the general idea of sharing that you are talking about, and if you simply find that you're in a relationship where someone is not willing to share equally, why are you there? Q: Now: are you asking me that as a - I'll use the term "challenge" - to ask me why I've remained in the relationship? Or are you asking me to define why I truly am there at that time? B: Why have you remained in it? Q: Well, this is a process and I'm aware that it's a process. And I'm still in the process of understanding why it is that I would remain in a relationship that I have found... B: Well, all right. Although that doesn't necessarily mean that you can't work it out somewhere else. Q: But working it out somewhere else may mean getting out of the relationship. B: Correct. Q: And that's okay too. B: Yes. Q: And I have done that, I have done that at every stage. Wherever I have found the other person not sharing in some balanced way, I have gotten out of the relationship. I've done this several times. B: All right. Q: The question is: why do I continue to attract what seems to be a pattern - instead of attracting some kind of balanced exchange? B: All right. One idea is that the overall balanced exchange can come from many different sources. In other words: if you start thinking of many different sources as one individual, then you will recognize that you are in an individual relationship that does give you what you need. Instead of necessarily assuming that the individual people, in and of themselves, must represent, through a specific conduit, the idea of the sharing that you seek. Q: Okay. I do understand... B: In other words: being the switcher and the mover that you are, means that you will create your accessibility across a number of circuits. Q: Mhmm. B: Not necessarily just one. Q: Okay. I do understand that, and I have found that to be quite workable. B: All right. Q: The flip side of this coin is that whereas I don't expect every service from one individual, there are certain services, which a particular individual could - and could very easily - offer me... B: Well, so? Q: But specifically will refuse to give that service. B: Yes, so? Q: The question is: why do I keep attracting... B: Why do you keep demanding it? In other words: why do you keep looking for that specific idea? Why are you focused on a need for that specific idea? It is /that/ type of focus, which creates the repetitive pattern. Why do you keep looking for that particular avenue of expression? Q: What particular avenue are you talking about? B: Well, let's use the example of someone who will simply not iron the shirt in exchange for something you have done. Q: Yeah. B: Why do you keep looking for that? Q: I don't. I don't specifically look for that. I just feel that if I'm in a relationship where I'm willing to do just about anything for somebody... B: Yes. Q: It makes sense that it could be natural for them to be willing... B: Oh, it may be natural; but maybe they're functioning in a normal mode, rather than a natural one. Now, overall I understand what you are saying... Q: So quit giving me a hard time. B: Oh, all right. You want me to iron your shirts? (Very much laughter) Or is it that you wish me to iron out the situation? Q: No, not at all. I just feel that there's something more fundamental to this than what you are reflecting to me. B: All right. All right. Yes, but we also find that for some reason we do not have access to it. Because there is still something about this particular process that, quote/unquote, should be obvious to you. And until it is, the door isn't open to us. Q: In other words, I'm still working through the process. B: Yes. Well, I'm not surprised at that. B: Oh, all right. All we can share is to relax with the process: relax with the apparent repetition; and remember that nothing really is ever really truly repeated. Nothing. So perhaps as a suggestion: if it occurs again, quote/unquote, give it a new meaning - a completely new meaning. Completely different than any meaning you have ever given it before. And see what happens. Q: Can you suggest one such meaning? So I can get a feel for what you're talking about. B: Well, let me ask you this: have you involved these individuals who choose to make these refusals in a conversation that allows them to explain their reasoning to you? Q: Yes. B: And what have you received? Q: Mostly gibberish. B: What are you defining as gibberish? Q: Literally, I get excuses. They come up with reasons that... they're quoting past incidents that just didn't occur... B: All right. Q: Make up things from what I channel, to be previous lovers, that refused to do them a service. Then they request - they somehow have a belief that I'm the lover that refused them the service. And they put that on me. This is the kind of thing that I would get. B: One moment: there is a small crack in a door. Q: Thank you. (Pause) B: A small question, if I may. Q: Be my guest. B: Oh, thank you. What are your notions of the idea of being, in general, deprived? Q: That's an interesting question. My notions in general? I don't know that I have a general... B: All right. Can be said in another way. What are your notions, in general, of the issue of deservability? Q: In general - at least on an outer aware conscious level, and I have no reason to believe that doesn't filter down to my belief system - I believe that everyone deserves anything that they want. B: What do you believe about how an individual might feel they have to go about allowing themselves to allow anything they want? Q: I believe they need to act with integrity. B: All right. Q: And excitement will get them there. B: All right. If every single individual that you involved yourself with, in a relationship of this type, created the same, quote/unquote, refusal - every single one - how would you feel? Q: Shitty. B: Why? Q: No, I just - no, I wouldn't feel shitty. I would... B: How would you feel? What would you be forced to look at? Q: Well, I think you're driving towards the idea of deprivation, and a... B: I'm not driving toward anything at this moment. Q: Okay. B: Cancel, blank, empty. Q: What would I feel? I would feel that I... B: Let me rephrase. Imagine, if you will, with me: go into your imagination, on a little journey through time. Let's imagine you are now at what you call the end of this physical life. Q: Okay. B: All right. Let us assume now - however old you are, however young you are, it does not matter - but let us assume you know that you have done everything you are going to do in this life, and you are simply pondering, for the last few moments, the idea of what the life has been to you. Q: I'm there. B: All right. If you look back from that point of view on these circumstances, is anything popping up in your imagination about an area that you could have been looking at, that now at this point, from this perspective, you recognize all too clearly as being about the reasons for those interactions? Q: Now, are you talking about a hypothetical life, or the one that I've lived right now? B: Let us say the one you have lived right now. Q: So I would have to be at the end, right at this moment? B: Yes. You are at the end of the life right now. Look back to this now, to the ideas you hold within you now. Look from the perspective that you are literally wrapping up your life. Q: Okay. B: And now you look back on these circumstances, truly look back on them. And recognize now, from your now perspective how they fit, and what purposes they serve. Does anything come up in your imagination when you drift in that particular idea that you are not seeing at this point? Or I shall say: that you did not see back then? Are there any new perspectives on it from the perspective you have now at the end of your life, that are different from the perspective you had when you were in the middle of those circumstances? About what purposes they served. Q: I'm looking; and I'm not seeing anything at this stage. B: All right. Since the accessibility seems relatively closed to us, we would suggest that this evening of your time you go into one of the relaxed meditative states, whichever you prefer, and allow yourself to examine this circumstance from the perspective we are suggesting now - as if you are literally at the end of your life, looking back upon it. And seeing from that perspective what you may not be allowing yourself to see now. But doing it when you have the time to relax. And truly drift in your imagination; and see what pops up. Right now may be a little too confining to allow you to expand in that way. So this evening of you time when you are drifting off to sleep, imagine that you have - if you wish to - imagine that you have already died, and look back upon the life itself, with the expanded point of view you would assume you would have, being a non-physical being. Q: Okay. B: And see what pops up in your dream reality - or even just before you drift off to sleep. Q: Well, I don't mean to prolong this, because I know that there are people waiting. But I do know that, in a sense, I have a feeling that in a past life that there has - that this relates to something in a past life that I have brought into this... B: All right. Let that be a part of the overall idea you may discover or explore tonight. But simply see what comes up, and see how the pieces fit. And share with us - if you are willing the next time we converse - what you have discovered. Q: All righty. B: Thank you very much. Q: Thank you. B: Sharing!