*Motivating Teenagers*


Q:  I would like some assistance and guidance. I have a daughter who's
fourteen.

B:  Yes.

Q:  I find that the idea of judgment ... I find it very difficult not to be
judgmental with my daughter - simply in the area of getting her to do the
schoolwork; and just the regular things that we do with teenagers.

B:  So! She has taught you that it is easy for you to be judgmental.

Q:  Yes. But I don't like it. I notice...

B:  Then, don't do it!

Q:  Well, I feel that ... the area I have difficulty with is, I feel the
responsibility to have her understand reading, writing; learning her school
work...

B:  If you are learning to be responsible /to/ her, then you don't have to be
responsible /for/ her.

Q:  That's where it gets difficult...

B:  If you say so.

Q:  Yes, I do.

B:  All right. What is there a high interest in?

Q:  At this present time there doesn't seem to be too much.

B:  Have you asked? Do you think you have presented yourself in such a way
that she would feel comfortable in telling you?

Q:  Not recently.

B:  Then why don't you? Find out what the interest is that is there. And
perhaps, by sharing the ideas that can be learned from that, you can adapt
the interest in ways that will allow that individual, your daughter, to
adapt the energy in her own way - to allow there to be the learning that
needs to be there.

If you allow the individual to learn, in their own terms, what the energy
is that they define themselves to be, this is what will allow then to
learn. Rather than enforcing a particular methodology upon them, which you
may think is the only way in which somebody can learn.

Q:  I personally... I left out the aspect of my husband, who has a much
stronger viewpoint on enforcing that she do her schoolwork and that stuff,
and I feel that I have to carry his torch. And I'm very tired...

B:  Is it getting heavy?

Q:  Yes. I don't want to do it.

B:  All right. But again, you can share with him, as well, the
understanding that to find out what is the driving motivation of another
individual, is what will allow you to see how you can suggest to the other
individual how they can use /their own/ driving motivation, to learn what
they want to learn.

Q:  Thank you.

Q2:  What do you mean by being responsible /to/? I understand the part about
being responsible for.

B:  I thought so. Being responsible to someone is being the most complete
version of yourself you can be, so that they have an accurate reflection of
you to see themselves within. Being fully who you are allows them the
opportunity to see within you, opportunities that they have chosen to be,
for that is their choice.

Q:  With children it can be a problem. I know I have a...

B:  It can be a what?

Q:  Well, a challenge or whatever.

B:  It is a situation.

Q:  I have a fifteen-year-old son - I was listening to him talk, and I
could sympathize.

B:  Would you like to get the son and daughter together? Perhaps there may
be much in common for the families to discuss.

Q:  With him I realize he has a need to define himself now on his own
terms, and I want to be comfortable in allowing him to do that, and still
be harmonious together.

B:  Then you can share the understanding that you have of what is being
done. And simply reflect to that individual that every individual is as
powerful as they need to be, to be anything they want - without having to
hurt anyone else to get it! So define away; and simply recognize that if
the individual comes upon a definition that requires that they enforce, or
force themselves upon someone else, there is an easier way.

Q:  Okay. Thank you.

B:  Thank you.