Lost Love Q: For about three years now I've been suffering from a loss of a love that was very traumatic. And it seemed that a lot of things in my life fell apart because of that. My phone service was shut off; I lost my home, my business fell apart, and so on. It caused me a lot of soul searching. B: And what did you discover? Q: Well, it seems I'm still searching. But I've gone through a lot of pain. B: All right. Are you tired of this now? Q: Yes. B: Are you sure? Q: No. B: I do not want to stop you from creating more pain if that is really your intention. Q: That's what I'm wondering because I'm struggling with creating a new direction for my life. B: Well, that's all right. Now let's go "back," as you say, and talk about this concept of loss. Can you describe the kind of idea that you mean when you say, "loss"? Q: I'm not sure except that I think the loss I suffered was more a catalyst to remind me of some other losses I've experienced in my life which apparently I'd forgotten about, that I blocked off from early childhood. B: But the only reason that you may not have been willing to look at these ideas, the only reason you may have pushed them down and now are seeing them come up is because you are defining these ideas as losses, when they do not necessarily have to be defined as such. This is actually what I am saying. Q: I've heard that and I agree, but it still... uh... B: Still feels like a loss. Yes? Q: Exactly. B: All right. Q: This seems to be my struggle now -- to feel what you're saying. B: All right. Do you understand, even in what you might call an intellectual fashion, the concept that whatever it is you feel must be based upon a belief? You cannot have a feeling without believing something to be true first. Q: I understand that. B: You understand that. Therefore, when I refer to the concept of your definition that something is a loss -- it is your belief, your definition that "something has been lost" which creates the feeling of loss within you. Do you understand that? Q: Yes. B: Therefore, that is why it is important to get involved in the definitions that you have within you, find out why you have those definitions and help to redefine them, so that the feelings you have no longer come from the old definitions, but from the new definitions you prefer to have. Now. What definition exists within you that allows you to believe they represented a loss? Q: I'm not sure. B: Well, let's explore that right now. In what form do you believe the love was lost? How did you, I'll put it simply, lose the love? What physically happened to make you believe that the love had been lost? Q: I was separated from someone and I experienced a lot of pain. B: What do you believe about the idea of relationships? What were you looking for? What expectations did you have that were not fulfilled that allowed you to feel as if the expectations were not fulfilled? Let's find out what you thought should have been there to begin with. So what did you think should have been there? Q: Well, I desired to be in a relationship of common support. B: All right. Then in that sense, what you are saying is, if that person was not exhibiting what you preferred to be in a relationship as an equal sharer, then that was not a relationship you preferred. Q: Right. B: Then if that should change, why are you in pain? Q: Well, it did need to change and what I think happened is this event was a catalyst for me to experience other painful stuff I had never allowed myself to feel or even remember. B: All right. Then it has served you in a positive way. Have you explored these other issues that have created pain within you? Have you dived into them? Q: I've been working really hard. Yeah. B: "Really hard." All right. You don't have to really work too hard. You can just be consistent about it. That is really all it takes, willingness and consistency. You do not necessarily have to struggle with the idea. You don't have to feel badly about yourself in that sense, just because these issues may have come up. You have not lost anything in that sense. You have utilized the relationship in exactly the way you intended to, so you could allow yourself to become more integrated by discovering all of these fragments that you have created within your consciousness. And in that sense, the other person, in doing what they did, in co-creating the separation with you, actually did the most loving thing they could have in the situation because it served you by putting you in touch with other issues which may have been interfering with your creating the relationships you truly do prefer. You do not have to define it as a loss because you gained a greater understanding of yourself from the interaction. Understand? The fact that you exist is a sign that you deserve to exist. Creation has not created any superfluous things. Everything that exists belongs and deserves to know that it deserves to belong. You are no exception. You deserve everything that you can imagine and desire. You must, however, be in touch with the belief systems that you have because you are the creator of your experiential reality, both in physical terms and even on some levels of what you would term non-physical.